Requiem for a dream

Executive Summary

Pass/Consider/Recommend/Highly Recommend

This changed recently. Ratings are subjective. So you get two engines' ratings to compare.

Engine: Gemini

Recommend

Explanation: Requiem for a Dream is a powerful and disturbing exploration of addiction and its devastating consequences. The screenplay's strengths lie in its unflinching realism, innovative visual style, and compelling character arcs. However, its graphic content and bleakness may limit its appeal to a wider audience. Further development of Marion's character and exploration of systemic issues could enhance the narrative's depth and impact.

Engine: Claude

Recommend

Explanation: Requiem for a Dream is a powerful and emotionally resonant screenplay that explores the tragic descent of its characters into the depths of addiction and obsession. The screenplay's strengths lie in its strong character development, particularly the complex relationship between Harry and his mother Sara, as well as its bold and unsettling exploration of moral and ethical boundaries. While some pacing and structural issues could be addressed, the screenplay's overall narrative impact and thematic depth make it a compelling and recommendation-worthy work.

See Full Analysis

Overview

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller, Psychological Thriller, Comedy, Romance, Dark Comedy, Drug Addiction, Surreal, Fantasy

Setting: 1970s, New York City

Overview: The screenplay demonstrates strong character development, emotional depth, and thematic exploration. However, there are opportunities to enhance unpredictability, secondary character arcs, and resolutions. The dialogue is impactful but could benefit from more emotional resonance in key scenes.

Themes: Addiction, Isolation and Loneliness, Loss and Grief, Family Dynamics, Dreams and Aspirations

Conflict and Stakes: Sara's struggle to achieve her dream of being famous, Harry's battle with drug addiction, and the relationships between the characters as they try to navigate their lives in a dangerous and unforgiving world.

Overall Mood: Dark and Gritty

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

Scene 1: Opening scene sets the tone for the rest of the film. It's a dark and gritty depiction of Sara's life.

Scene 10: The scene where Harry and Marion are overdosing on heroin. It's a powerful and disturbing scene that shows the depths of their addiction.

Scene 15: The ending of the film, when Sara is finally able to achieve her dream of being on television. It's a bittersweet moment, but it also offers a glimmer of hope.

Standout Features:

Standout Feature: Standout Features

Standout Feature : Standout Features

Comparable Scripts:

Requiem for a Dream

Trainspotting

The Basketball Diaries

The Wire

Breaking Bad

We Need to Talk About Kevin

The Road

The Handmaid's Tale

Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$5-10 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adult audiences interested in stories about addiction, family, and the human condition.

Marketability: The screenplay tells a powerful and emotionally resonant story with well-developed characters that will appeal to a wide range of adult audiences.

The screenplay is a character-driven drama that may not have the mass appeal of a big-budget action film, but it has the potential to connect with a niche audience.

The screenplay lacks a strong central conflict and the plot is somewhat meandering, which could make it difficult to market to a mainstream audience.

Profit Potential: Moderate, due to its limited commercial appeal.

Scene Level Percentiles

The screenplay excels in character development and emotional impact but could benefit from enhanced originality and a more refined plot structure. The writer's intuitive style is evident in the strong dialogue and characterization.

Script Level Percentiles

**The method of calculating these has just changed**
Characters: 7.9 See More
Premise: 7.4 See More
Structure: 7.3 See More
Theme: 7.6 See More
Visual Impact: 7.9 See More
Emotional Impact: 7.0 See More
Conflict: 7.4 See More
Originality: 7.6 See More

Emotions Elicited Percentiles

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."
This is a rough estimate of how the average intensity of emotions elicited in this script compare to all scripts in the Vault (all genres).
Higher isn't necessarily better. This is FYI.

Key Strengths

Emotional Impact: With an impressive percentile ranking of 91.10, the screenplay showcases a strong ability to evoke emotions. This suggests the writer's proficiency in crafting scenes that resonate deeply with the audience.
Character Development: The screenplay excels in character development, ranking in the 82nd percentile. This indicates the writer's skill in creating compelling and relatable characters that drive the narrative effectively.

Areas for Improvement

Originality: With a percentile ranking of only 76.08, the screenplay could benefit from a more unique and distinctive concept or narrative. The writer may consider brainstorming fresh ideas or exploring unconventional story angles.
Plot Structure: Ranking in the 16th percentile, the plot structure could use some refinement. The writer might explore varying the pacing, introducing unexpected twists, or tightening the cause-and-effect relationships to enhance the overall flow of the story.

Writer Style

The percentile patterns suggest an intuitive writing style. This is evident in the high rankings for dialogue (26.27%) and character development (82.20%), while the concept rating (36.01%) and plot rating (16.94%) are comparatively lower. This indicates a strength in crafting engaging characters and dialogue-driven scenes.

Balancing Elements

Balancing Concept and Plot: While the screenplay ranks well in character development, the concept and plot elements could be strengthened to create a more well-rounded narrative. Brainstorming unique ideas, exploring different perspectives, and refining the cause-and-effect relationships can help enhance the overall story structure.
Balancing Emotional Impact and Originality: The screenplay's high emotional impact is a strength, but it could be further enhanced by incorporating more original and distinctive elements. Experimenting with unconventional story angles, exploring fresh perspectives, and infusing unique twists can help create a more memorable and engaging narrative.

Intuition Level

Intuitive

Overall Assessment

Overall, the screenplay demonstrates strong potential in character development and emotional impact. By addressing areas for improvement such as originality and plot structure, the writer can enhance the screenplay's overall balance and create a more compelling and memorable narrative.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Scene Emotional Impact	8.6	89	Ex-Machina: 8.5	Casablanca: 8.6
Scene Characters	8.6	75	Parasite: 8.5	Casablanca: 8.6
Script Visual Impact	7.90	63	Pirates of the Caribbean: 7.80	Titanic: 7.90
Scene Pacing	8.33	61	The usual suspects: 8.32	Blade Runner: 8.33
Scene Character Changes	7.2	59	Jack Reacher: 7.1	Erin Brokovich: 7.2
Scene Originality	8.70	49	Jack Reacher: 8.69	the black list (TV): 8.70
Script Conflict	7.40	47	Witness: 7.30	groundhog day: 7.40
Scene Engagement	8.95	46	September 5: 8.94	Erin Brokovich: 8.95
Scene High Stakes	7.2	40	The Brutalist: 7.1	Requiem for a dream: 7.2
Script Characters	7.90	38	Le souvenir des belles choses: 7.80	Arsenic and old lace : 7.90
Scene Conflict Level	7.2	35	The wild robot: 7.1	Bonnie and Clyde: 7.2
Scene Overall	8.2	28	Ted: 8.1	a few good men: 8.2
Scene External Goal	7.08	26	Elvis: 7.07	the pursuit of happyness: 7.08
Scene Story Forward	7.7	26	Moonlight: 7.6	groundhog day: 7.7
Script Originality	7.60	22	A Quiet Place: 7.50	Requiem for a dream: 7.60
Scene Unpredictability	7.18	21	The Founder: 7.17	Requiem for a dream: 7.18
Scene Plot	7.6	21	Birdman: 7.5	severance (TV): 7.6
Scene Internal Goal	8.00	20	KILLING ZOE: 7.98	fight Club: 8.00
Scene Formatting	8.03	18	Almost Famous: 8.02	Requiem for a dream: 8.03
Scene Dialogue	7.4	18	Inside Out: 7.3	face/off: 7.4
Scene Concept	7.8	15	Swingers: 7.7	Erin Brokovich: 7.8
Script Premise	7.40	14	Anora: 7.30	the 5th element: 7.40
Script Structure	7.30	12	A Complete Unknown: 7.20	Requiem for a dream: 7.30
Script Theme	7.60	10	El Mariachi: 7.50	Rambo: 7.60
Script Structure	8.00	9	Easy A: 7.99	Requiem for a dream: 8.00
Script Emotional Impact	7.00	8	Charlie and The Choclate Factory: 6.90	Dr. Strangelove: 7.00
Overall Script	7.50	7	Fargo Pilot: 7.44	scream : 7.50

Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by raw and emotional dialogue, intense character interactions, and a focus on internal struggles. The screenplay is filled with tension and conflict, highlighting the dysfunctional relationships between the characters.

Best representation: Scene 1 - Harry and Tyrone's Odyssey with a Televised Treasure. This scene serves as the best representation of the writer's voice due to its vivid portrayal of the characters' internal struggles and the palpable tension between them.

Memorable Lines:

MARION: Oh Harry, I love you. You make me feel like a person, like I’m me and I’m beautiful. (Scene 20)
Tappy Tibbons: Juice by Sara! Juice by Sara! Juice by Sara! ooooOOOOH! Sara’s got juice! Sara’s got juice! ooooOOOH Sara! (Scene 21)
Harry: Yeah, I feel like I’m dreamin’. (Scene 27)
Sara: So, I’m thinking thin. (Scene 10)
Marion: I love you, Harry. (Scene 22)

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a range of writing styles, blending elements from various notable screenwriters and directors, resulting in a dynamic and engaging narrative. Raw emotional intensity, gritty realism, and psychological depth are recurring themes throughout the screenplay.

Style Similarities:

Darren Aronofsky
Quentin Tarantino
David Lynch

Other Similarities: The screenplay also draws inspiration from other notable screenwriters, such as David Mamet, Sofia Coppola, and Noah Baumbach, incorporating elements of their unique styles into the narrative. The combination of these influences results in a screenplay with a diverse and engaging writing style that keeps the reader on the edge of their seat.

Story Shape

Emotions Elicited

Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

Requiem for a Dream is a powerful and disturbing exploration of addiction and its devastating consequences. The screenplay's strengths lie in its unflinching realism, innovative visual style, and compelling character arcs. However, its graphic content and bleakness may limit its appeal to a wider audience. Further development of Marion's character and exploration of systemic issues could enhance the narrative's depth and impact.

Strengths

Vivid and unflinching portrayal of addiction and its consequences high
Unique and impactful visual storytelling techniques, such as the hip-hop montages and time-lapse sequences high
Compelling character arcs that explore the depths of human despair and the yearning for connection high
Powerful and emotionally charged dialogue that reveals the characters' inner struggles and desires high ( Scene 71 )
Effective use of symbolism and recurring motifs, like the red dress and the television, to enhance the narrative's thematic depth medium

Areas of Improvement

The relentless bleakness and graphic content may be overwhelming for some audiences medium
Limited exploration of potential solutions or paths to recovery from addiction medium
Marion's character arc could benefit from further development, particularly regarding her motivations and internal conflicts medium ( Scene 98 Scene 130 Scene 161 )
The ending, while powerful, could be seen as overly deterministic and lacking a sense of hope low

MissingElements

Exploration of the systemic factors that contribute to addiction and poverty in the characters' lives medium
Deeper examination of the characters' backstories and the events that led them to their current situations low

NotablePoints

The screenplay's portrayal of Sara's descent into delusion and psychosis is both disturbing and thought-provoking high ( Scene 17 Scene 27 Scene 117 )
The film's soundtrack, particularly the use of Clint Mansell's 'Lux Aeterna,' is highly effective in creating a sense of dread and emotional intensity high

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

Requiem for a Dream is a powerful and emotionally resonant screenplay that explores the tragic descent of its characters into the depths of addiction and obsession. The screenplay's strengths lie in its strong character development, particularly the complex relationship between Harry and his mother Sara, as well as its bold and unsettling exploration of moral and ethical boundaries. While some pacing and structural issues could be addressed, the screenplay's overall narrative impact and thematic depth make it a compelling and recommendation-worthy work.

Strengths

The opening scenes effectively establish the troubled relationship between Harry and his mother Sara, setting up the central conflict and character dynamics that drive the story. high ( Scene 1 (2) Scene 1 (3) )
The screenplay effectively explores the moral descent of the characters, particularly Marion's decision to engage in prostitution to support her drug habit. high ( Scene 9 (49) Scene 14 (80) )
The extended dialogue between Harry and Sara is a standout, revealing the depth of their relationship and Sara's tragic delusion. high ( Scene 17 (71) )

Areas of Improvement

The opening sequence featuring Tappy Tibbons feels slightly disconnected from the rest of the story and could be integrated more seamlessly. medium ( Scene 1 (1) )
The pacing in certain sequences, such as the supermarket shootout and Marion's interactions with Big Tim, could be tightened to maintain a more consistent rhythm. medium ( Scene 14 (79) Scene 27 (92) )

MissingElements

More development and exploration of Harry and Tyrone's relationship and criminal activities could provide additional context and depth to their arcs. medium ( Scene 3 (8) Scene 5 (30) )

NotablePoints

The screenplay's portrayal of Sara's mental deterioration and her delusional fixation on appearing on television is a powerful and poignant exploration of addiction and obsession. high ( Scene 17 (71) Scene 19 (71) )
The graphic and unsettling depiction of Marion's exploitation and involvement in the orgy sequence is a bold and impactful narrative choice. high ( Scene 27 (160) Scene 27 (165) )

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Screenplay Insights:

Characters: 7.9, The screenplay showcases a compelling exploration of character development, with a particular emphasis on the internal conflicts and struggles of its central characters. However, it could benefit from further refinement in certain areas to enhance the depth, relatability, and overall impact of these characters on the audience. See More

Premise: 7.4, The screenplay's premise establishes a strong foundation for an intriguing and engaging narrative. The portrayal of Harry Goldfarb's conflicted journey, Sara Goldfarb's struggles, and the complex relationships between the characters sets the stage for a compelling exploration of addiction, mental health, and the search for purpose. However, to enhance its long-term audience engagement, the screenplay could benefit from refining the clarity and depth of its premise, as well as strengthening the hook to immediately capture the viewer's attention. See More

Structure: 7.3, The screenplay exhibits strengths in its well-structured narrative and engaging plot development. However, there are areas where the pacing, plot complexity, and resolution could be refined to enhance the storytelling dynamics. See More

Theme: 7.6, The screenplay effectively conveys its themes and messages, exploring the complexities of addiction, mental health issues, and the pursuit of self-acceptance and meaning in a raw and unflinching manner. However, it could benefit from refining certain aspects to enhance thematic clarity and emotional resonance. See More

Visual Impact: 7.9, The screenplay exhibits a strong foundation in visual imagery, effectively capturing the essence of its characters and themes. The vivid descriptions and imaginative use of visual symbolism create a compelling and immersive experience for readers. See More

Emotional Impact: 7.0, The screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation for eliciting emotional responses. The characters are relatable, and their struggles resonate deeply with the audience. However, certain scenes could be further developed to enhance the overall emotional depth and create a more lasting impact. See More

Conflict: 7.4, The screenplay presents conflict and stakes effectively, highlighting the characters' struggles with addiction, mental health issues, self-image, and loneliness. However, there are opportunities to enhance the clarity and significance of the conflicts, as well as the escalation of stakes and the satisfaction of their resolutions. See More

Originality: 7.6, The screenplay exhibits originality and creativity through its depiction of characters grappling with inner turmoil, societal expectations, and desperation. It explores the harsh realities of addiction, mental health issues, and the complexities of family dynamics, offering a raw portrayal of human struggles. See More

Summary A son, Harry Goldfarb, struggles to save his mother, Sara, from the depths of addiction and mental illness, while he himself grapples with his own demons. Alongside his friend, Tyrone, Harry goes on a journey of drug dealing and escapism, while Sara faces the challenges of weight loss and delusions. Marion, Harry's girlfriend, seeks validation and love in toxic relationships, leading to a spiral of pain and despair for all involved. As their lives intersect in a web of conflict and longing, the characters must confront their inner turmoil and seek redemption in the midst of darkness and chaos.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique This screenplay presents a complex and engaging story that delves into the lives of a group of interconnected characters struggling with addiction, mental health issues, and personal turmoil. The plot is well-structured, with a clear beginning, middle, and end, and the pacing is consistent throughout. The characters are well-developed and relatable, and their motivations and actions are believable. The dialogue is natural and authentic, capturing the unique voices of each character. Overall, this screenplay is a strong and compelling piece of work that has the potential to be a successful film.

Suggestions: One suggestion for improving the plot would be to add more clarity to the motivations of some of the characters. In particular, the character of Sara could be further developed to provide a clearer understanding of her mental state and her reasons for making certain decisions. Additionally, the ending of the screenplay could be strengthened by providing a more satisfying resolution to the character arcs of Harry and Tyrone.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The beginning of the screenplay is strong, quickly establishing the main characters and their relationships to each other. The dialogue is natural and authentic, and the pacing is brisk. The opening scene effectively sets the tone for the rest of the film, introducing the main conflict and the characters' struggles.

Suggestions: One suggestion for improving the beginning of the screenplay would be to add more backstory for the characters. This would help the audience to better understand their motivations and actions. Additionally, the introduction of the main conflict could be made more gradual, allowing the audience to become more invested in the characters before the stakes are raised.

Middle The middle of the screenplay is well-paced and engaging, with several standout scenes. The characters continue to develop and grow, and the plot thickens. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the pacing is brisk. Overall, the middle of the screenplay is strong and keeps the audience engaged.

Suggestions: One suggestion for improving the middle of the screenplay would be to add more conflict between the characters. This would help to create more tension and suspense. Additionally, the pacing could be slowed down in some places to allow the audience to better absorb the emotional impact of the events that are unfolding.

Ending The end of the screenplay is well-executed and provides a satisfying conclusion to the story. The characters' arcs are resolved in a believable and emotionally resonant way. The dialogue is powerful and moving, and the pacing is perfect. Overall, the end of the screenplay is strong and leaves the audience with a sense of closure.

Suggestions: One suggestion for improving the end of the screenplay would be to add a more explicit message or theme. This would help to give the film a greater sense of purpose and meaning. Additionally, the ending could be expanded to provide more closure for some of the characters.

CharacterInconsistencies

Character Sara Goldfarb
Description Sara's initial excitement and motivation for the diet seem to waver too quickly. Her emotional state swings dramatically between determination and despair, which, while understandable given the circumstances, could be explored with more nuance.
( Scene 17 (17) Scene 27 (27) )
Character Marion Silver
Description Marion's descent into prostitution feels abrupt and lacks sufficient justification. While her desperation for drugs is evident, the screenplay could benefit from a more gradual exploration of her emotional and psychological state leading to this decision.
( Scene 36 (36) Scene 96 (96) Scene 130 (130) Scene 135 (135) )

StoryInconsistencies

Description The fantasy scene with the cop's gun feels out of place with the overall tone of the film and could be considered for removal as it doesn't significantly contribute to the narrative.
( Scene 9 (9) Scene 10 (10) )
Description The sudden and brutal death of Brody feels somewhat contrived and serves primarily to escalate the plot rather than to develop character or theme.
( Scene 74 (74) )

PlotHoles

Description The source of the diet pills Sara receives and the ease with which she obtains them initially could be explored further to enhance the realism of the story.
Description The legitimacy of the television show and Lyle Russel's role remain unclear, which adds to the surreal nature of the film but could be considered a plot hole for some viewers.
( Scene 17 (17) )

DialogueAuthenticity

Description While the dialogue effectively captures the characters' desperation and addiction, some instances, particularly Sara's rambling and Tyrone's slang, could be refined for clarity and audience comprehension.

Redundancies

Element Montage sequences
( Scene 7 (7) Scene 54 (54) )
Suggestion The multiple montage sequences, while effective in conveying the passage of time and the characters' escalating drug use, could be streamlined or interspersed with more character-driven scenes to maintain audience engagement.
Element Sara checking her mailbox
( Scene 26 (26) Scene 34 (34) Scene 59 (59) Scene 65 (65) Scene 81 (81) Scene 84 (84) )
Suggestion The repeated scenes of Sara checking her mailbox, while emphasizing her anticipation and disappointment, could be reduced in frequency to avoid redundancy and maintain narrative momentum.

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Harry - Score: 79/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: INFP
Enneagram: 4w3

Scenes

Strongest: #71
Weakest: #12

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Young and charming drug dealer with a fragile emotional state.

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Deep emotional conflicts driven by addiction and familial responsibility.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 7/10

Harry experiences a downward spiral resulting from decisions influenced by addiction.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Harry's dialogue reflects his streetwise nature and emotional struggles.

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Harry’s choices oscillate between seeking love and engaging in self-destructive behavior.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Harry's relationships are heavily impacted by his addiction and emotional struggles.

Scene Impact 8/10

Harry's presence brings tension and conflict to pivotal scenes.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Harry serves as the main protagonist, facing the consequences of his choices.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Harry’s journey intertwines with themes of addiction and the pursuit of happiness.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Harry effectively evokes sympathy and tension regarding addiction.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Harry Goldfarb is a young man in his twenties, deeply entrenched in the cycle of addiction and drug dealing. He is characterized by his seductive charm but is also emotionally fragile, especially in relation to his mother, Sara. Harry's struggles are rooted in his desire to achieve a better life, which he often attempts to realize through illicit means, highlighting his internal conflict between wanting to be there for his mother and succumbing to his addiction. His actions reflect a mix of love for his mother and a strong desire to escape his grim reality.

Values And Beliefs: Desire for happiness and success, Love for his mother, Struggle with addiction

Strengths And Skills: Charisma and charm, Street smarts, Resourcefulness

Suggestions

Explore Harry's motivations more deeply to enhance audience empathy.
Provide moments of reflection on his relationship with Sara to add complexity.

Follow-up Questions

What specific events from Harry's past influence his relationship with drugs?
How does Harry's desire to improve his life conflict with the decisions he makes?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 8

Harry's emotional complexity is largely driven by his relationship with his mother, Sara, and his struggles with addiction. He experiences guilt over his mother's condition and feels a sense of responsibility for her happiness. His addiction exacerbates his emotional wounds and leads to decisions that further alienate him from potential support. These layers of conflict create a rich tapestry of a character who is constantly at war with himself.

Character Wound: Guilt and responsibility towards his mother.

Character Flaws: Addiction, Impulsiveness, Inability to communicate his feelings effectively

Suggestions

Highlight moments that showcase Harry's guilt to clarify his emotional journey.
Introduce conversations reflecting on his past decisions to enrich his character depth.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Harry's guilt influence his choices throughout the story?
How can Harry's relationships with others demonstrate his internal conflicts?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 7

Throughout the screenplay, Harry initially appears hopeful as he dreams of a better life with Marion. However, as the narrative progresses, he becomes increasingly entangled in addiction and crime, causing him to lose sight of his aspirations. Harry’s journey is marked by repeated failures, culminating in a profound sense of loss, representing the thematic elements of hopelessness and the destructive nature of addiction.

Polarity Changes: Harry faces highs of potential success but ultimately descends into despair.

Transformation Triggers: His relationship with Marion and the consequences of his addiction serve as triggers for change.

Suggestions

Emphasize pivotal moments leading to his downfall to create tension.
Clarify the reasons behind his choices to deepen audience understanding.

Follow-up Questions

What specific decisions lead to Harry's transformation from hopeful to hopeless?
How is his relationship with other characters (like Marion) affected by his choices?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Harry's dialogue often carries the weight of his internal conflicts, oscillating between light-hearted banter and raw emotional expressions. His playful interactions with Marion juxtapose the darker realities of his life. His voice reveals his charm but also his fragility and desperation, particularly in moments when he confronts the consequences of his drug use.

Unique Voice: His speech exhibits a blend of casual street language and moments of vulnerability.

Suggestions

Incorporate more introspective dialogue to reflect his internal struggles.
Use pauses or shifts in tone to emphasize his vulnerability in conversations.

Follow-up Questions

How do Harry’s speech patterns differ when he’s high versus when he’s sober?
What insights can be gained from Harry's dialogue about his relationships?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 7

Harry’s behavior is primarily informed by his addiction, which leads him to make a series of poor choices that ultimately harm him and his relationships. His desire to improve his life often clashes with the impulsive nature of addiction, causing him to engage in risky behavior, including theft and drug deals. This cycle of decision-making highlights internal struggles and conflicts that define his character arc.

Motivations: Desire to support his mother while also being driven by addiction.

Desires Vs Needs: Wants to provide for Sara but needs to confront his addiction.

Suggestions

Provide moments where Harry's internal conflict clearly influences his decisions.
Dramatize the impact of his choices on his relationships with others.

Follow-up Questions

What does Harry prioritize in moments of crisis, and what does that reveal about him?
How do his choices reflect his underlying feelings about his family?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Harry's primary relationship is with his mother, Sara, which is fraught with complexity due to his guilt about her condition and his own substance use. His connection with Marion serves as both a source of hope and despair; he desires to be the man she sees him as, but his addiction keeps pulling him back. These dynamics reveal his internal conflicts and the struggles he faces in maintaining meaningful connections.

Suggestions

Deepen the exploration of Harry's relationship with his mother to showcase emotional stakes.
Create dialogues that reveal how his relationships drive him toward or away from his addiction.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Harry’s addiction influence his connection with Marion?
How does he cope with his feelings towards his mother as her condition worsens?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

In many scenes, Harry's actions and choices directly influence the outcomes and emotional tones. His conflicts with addiction and decisions surrounding his relationships create tension that propels the narrative forward, particularly in moments with his mother and Marion. The juxtaposition of his desire for love and his self-destructive choices drives emotional engagement.

Suggestions

Highlight Harry's moments of decision-making to increase tension in critical scenes.
Use his reactions to others as a way of showing emotional stakes.

Follow-up Questions

How do Harry’s interactions with other characters change the tone of significant scenes?
What moments best illustrate the impact of Harry's choices on the plot?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

As the protagonist, Harry's journey illustrates the devastating impact of addiction not only on the individual but also on family dynamics. His character arc encapsulates themes of love, responsibility, and the cyclical nature of drug dependency. Throughout the film, Harry embodies hope and despair, showcasing both the desire to improve one’s life and the harsh reality of addiction.

Symbolic Role: Embodies the struggle against addiction and its effects on family.

Suggestions

Emphasize Harry's aspirations to enhance his role as a relatable protagonist.
Create situations where Harry's choices highlight his internal conflict as it relates to his role.

Follow-up Questions

How does Harry's character arc reinforce or challenge the themes of the screenplay?
What moments most distinctly showcase his role as a protagonist?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Harry’s challenges and aspirations reflect the overarching themes of addiction, loss, and the quest for love and acceptance. His story highlights the impact of drug use on familial relationships, and as he struggles with guilt and shame, it emphasizes the human desire for connection and the cost of addiction. His journey resonates strongly with the thematic fabric of the screenplay, revealing the stark realities faced by individuals caught in similar cycles.

Suggestions

Clarify moments where Harry’s personal stakes tie back to the film’s central themes.
Highlight interactions that relate to broader societal issues surrounding addiction.

Follow-up Questions

What specific themes does Harry's journey reinforce throughout the narrative?
How do Harry's personal struggles tie into the larger societal critique present in the screenplay?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Harry's character elicits a strong emotional response from the audience due to his relatable struggle with addiction and the love he holds for his mother. His highs and lows create moments of tension and pity as viewers witness the impact of heroin on his life and relationships. The emotional weight of his journey resonates powerfully, drawing viewers into his plight and offering poignant insights into the destructive nature of addiction.

Emotional Impact: Harry evokes sympathy, tension, and despair in the audience.

Suggestions

Enhance moments of vulnerability in Harry’s character to boost emotional connection.
Use flashbacks or internal monologues to reveal deeper emotional layers.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments in Harry's journey best evoke an emotional response?
How can Harry's emotional struggles be highlighted to engage the audience further?

Personality Types

MBTI: infp

Harry showcases idealism, emotional depth, and a strong sense of morality despite his circumstances.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: isfp (25%)

Suggestions

Explore moments of Harry's idealism versus his reality to deepen his character.
Engage Harry in creative or emotional endeavors to highlight his INFP traits.

Follow-up Questions

How do Harry's values reflect his idealistic aspects in the context of addiction?
What creative outlets could Harry pursue that would mirror his inner conflict?

Enneagram: 4w3

Harry exhibits traits of individuality and a desire for significance, showing both emotional depth (4) and an ambition to achieve (3).

Confidence: 70%

Possible Alternative Type: 3w4 (30%)

Suggestions

Incorporate scenes illustrating Harry's self-identity struggles to deepen character arc.
Stress his need for validation in contrasting environments to explore personal growth.

Follow-up Questions

How does Harry's perception of success shape his relationships and decisions?
In which ways could Harry's individual struggle enhance his journey throughout the story?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (71)

Harry revealing his love and concern for his mother during their emotional conversation.

Why: This scene showcases Harry's vulnerability and commitment to his mother, making it powerful and relatable.

Weakest Scene (12)

Harry's moment of confrontation with his mother about her diet pills.

Why: It tends to generalize his emotions and reduces the complexity of his feelings toward Sara.

Suggestions:

Deepen Harry’s conflict by exploring more of his guilt and frustration in this scene.
Add a moment of introspection for Harry about his choices and their implications.

Marion - Score: 85/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ISFP
Enneagram: 4

Scenes

Strongest: #32
Weakest: #91

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Young aspiring designer caught in a cycle of addiction.

Complexity And Depth 9/10

Struggles with self-worth and addiction.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 7/10

Marion's arc emphasizes her descent into deeper addiction amidst her dreams.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Marion's dialogue reflects her fragility and aspirations.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Marion's choices reflect her internal conflict and desires.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Marion's relationships are tumultuous, primarily driven by dependency and desire.

Scene Impact 8/10

Marion's presence often changes the emotional tone of scenes.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Marion fulfills the role of both protagonist and tragic figure.

Thematic Plot Integration 10/10

Marion's journey intertwines with themes of addiction and the pursuit of happiness.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Stirs compassion and sorrow in the audience.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Marion is a young woman in her twenties who dreams of becoming a successful designer. She is portrayed as an artistic and sensitive individual, deeply in love with Harry. Her relationship with him reflects her desire for a better life and a drive to escape her current circumstances. Unfortunately, she is trapped in a cycle of drug use that threatens her aspirations and well-being.

Values And Beliefs: Creativity, Love, Success

Strengths And Skills: Artistic talent, Creativity, Passion for design

Suggestions

Explore deeper layers of Marion's artistic capabilities and how they interplay with her drug addiction.
Show more instances of her drive for independence and success beyond her relationship with Harry.

Follow-up Questions

What specific experiences led Marion to her current addiction?
How do her aspirations as a designer contrast with her reality?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 9

Marion's emotional wounds stem from her troubled relationship with her parents and her privilege being overshadowed by her current struggles with addiction. Her main flaw is her reliance on drugs to cope with her dissatisfaction and fear of inadequacy. Internally, she battles self-worth issues related to her looks and skills, which exacerbates her dependence on Harry and the acceptance of others.

Character Wound: Fear of inadequacy stemming from her upbringing.

Character Flaws: Dependency on drugs, Low self-esteem, Vulnerability to manipulation

Suggestions

Highlight moments of Marion's vulnerability to show her internal struggles more clearly.
Integrate flashbacks or insights into her past to enhance her character depth.

Follow-up Questions

How does Marion's past influence her current relationship with Harry?
What moments trigger her emotional breakdowns, and how do they shape her actions?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 7

Marion starts as a hopeful and ambitious young woman but slowly spirals into drug addiction as her relationship with Harry deteriorates. Key triggers for her transformation include moments of despair when her dreams seem unattainable, pushing her to make progressively destructive choices.

Polarity Changes: Goes from hopeful/desirous to hopeless and despairing.

Transformation Triggers: Harry's struggles, her choices in pursuing drugs over her dreams.

Suggestions

Clarify the pivotal moments that lead Marion to choose drugs over her dreams.
Consider showcasing a moment of resistance against addiction to give her a more balanced arc.

Follow-up Questions

What could have been a turning point for Marion, and why did she not take it?
How does her addiction affect her interactions with others throughout the story?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Marion's speech patterns combine artistic expression with emotional fragility. Her dialogue is often steeped in romantic ideals but becomes frantic as her addiction worsens, highlighting her emotional state and struggles.

Unique Voice: Vulnerable, often filled with longing; her language shifts when high, becoming more disjointed.

Suggestions

Infuse more stunted, frantic dialogue during drug use to underscore her breakdown.
Add moments of introspective dialogue that contrast her desires with her reality.

Follow-up Questions

How does her language shift depending on her emotional or drug state?
What specific lines stand out as significant indicators of her internal struggle?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Marion's decisions emerge from a blend of longing for success and a deep-seated need for love and acceptance. As she increasingly turns to drugs as a coping mechanism, her behaviors spiral out of control, leading to choices that betray her aspirations.

Motivations: Desperate for love and acceptance, aspiring for success in design.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires drugs and love from Harry versus the need for self-acceptance and career fulfillment.

Suggestions

Highlight the actual moments where her choices lead her further down her path of addiction.
Create opportunities for Marion to resist her destructive behaviors to show her internal conflict.

Follow-up Questions

What situations lead Marion to make life-altering decisions regarding drugs?
How do her drug choices reflect her underlying fears and desires?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Marion's most significant relationship is with Harry, which teeters between love and manipulation. Her desperation pushes her into situations where she exchanges herself for drugs, particularly with Big Tim. This dynamic highlights her vulnerability and transformation.

Suggestions

Deepen her dynamic with Harry to show moments of genuine connection juxtaposed against manipulation.
Explore her interactions with other characters, like her friends, to derive further insights into her relationships.

Follow-up Questions

What do her interactions with Big Tim reveal about her self-image?
How does her relationship with Harry change throughout the screenplay, and what does it signify?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Marion's actions and emotional states directly influence the atmosphere of various scenes. Her despair, hope, and eventual surrender underscore the film's tragic arc, highlighting both her highs and lows.

Suggestions

Consider scenes where Marion can serve as a catalyst for change in others or herself.
Focus on her emotional responses to shift scene dynamics for maximum impact.

Follow-up Questions

Which scenes do you think showcase Marion at her most impactful?
How can her presence both positively and negatively influence the scenes around her?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

Marion symbolizes the universal struggle for love, acceptance, and success, all while battling the insidious grip of addiction. Her narrative acts as a warning of the consequences of such struggles, enhancing the film's moral core.

Symbolic Role: Symbolizes the loss of dreams to addiction and societal pressures.

Suggestions

Clarify her motivations to further exemplify the overarching themes of love and loss.
Ensure her narrative serves as both a personal journey and a commentary on broader societal issues.

Follow-up Questions

How do Marion's struggles reinforce or challenge the film’s central themes?
In what ways does her character act as a reflection of societal expectations on women?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 10

Marion's struggle encapsulates the film's central themes of addiction, loss, and the relentless pursuit of happiness. Her experiences highlight how drugs can derail dreams and create a chasm between aspiration and reality.

Suggestions

Focus on Marion's interactions and how they connect to the broader themes of addiction.
Encourage her to confront moments that connect her personal journey with the overarching themes.

Follow-up Questions

How do Marion's experiences symbolize the broader societal impacts of addiction?
What moments best illustrate her connection with the film’s themes?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Marion's journey resonates emotionally with the audience as they witness her decline from an ambitious young woman to a broken figure trapped in addiction. This emotional weight enhances the film's tragic narrative.

Emotional Impact: Evokes deep sympathy and sadness as her dreams crumble.

Suggestions

Heighten scenes focused on her despair for a stronger emotional impact.
Use her artistic aspirations as a poignant contrast to her addiction.

Follow-up Questions

What aspects of Marion's character evoke the strongest empathy?
How can her emotional journey be emphasized further to connect with the audience?

Personality Types

MBTI: isfp

Marion displays characteristics of an ISFP through her sensitive and artistic nature, coupled with a desire for meaningful connections.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: esfp (25%)

Suggestions

Explore ISFP characteristics more through interactions with others.
Utilize her artistic side to reinforce her ISFP traits in crucial scenes.

Follow-up Questions

How could her personality type influence her decisions throughout the story?
Which moments highlight her sensitivity or introversion effectively?

Enneagram: 4

Marion embodies the traits of a Type 4 Enneagram due to her strong sense of individuality and emotional depth.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: 3 (20%)

Suggestions

Integrate more traits associated with Type 4 to enhance her narrative.
Show her external aspirations more clearly linked to her identity as a Type 4.

Follow-up Questions

How might Marion's Type 4 traits lead to her self-destructive behavior?
What situations would push a Type 4 to compromise their identity for validation?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (32)

Marion's emotional breakdown during her conversation with Harry demonstrates her darkest moments.

Why: It captures her internal struggle regarding her addiction and love, showcasing her depth.

Weakest Scene (91)

Marion's later interactions with Big Tim showcase her vulnerability and desperation.

Why: This scene undermines her depth by relying on cliché tropes of drug-based exchanges.

Suggestions:

Rework the power dynamics in the scene to reflect her inner conflict more clearly.
Give Marion a moment of agency that highlights her complexity.

Sara - Score: 84/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ESFJ
Enneagram: Type 2 (The Helper)

Scenes

Strongest: #77
Weakest: #29

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Sara is a lonely woman craving connection and validation.

Complexity And Depth 9/10

Sara's emotional wounds reveal her struggle with acceptance and mental health.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Sara's arc reflects her tragic descent into madness as she desperately seeks fulfillment.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Sara's dialogue reflects her desperation and longing for connection.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Sara's choices are increasingly impulsive and driven by her addictions.

Relationship Dynamics 7/10

Sara's connections are largely defined by her relationship with her son, Harry.

Scene Impact 8/10

Sara’s actions can pivot the tone and emotions of the scenes she inhabits.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Sara serves as a tragic figure whose ambitions lead to her downfall.

Thematic Plot Integration 10/10

Sara's storyline intertwines with themes of addiction and motherhood.

Emotional Resonance 10/10

Sara's journey evokes profound sympathy and unease.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Sara Goldfarb is portrayed as a lonely and aging woman who places immense value on appearances and the idea of fame. Her desire to be on television represents her longing for connection and validation. Sara's background reveals a history of loss and isolation, especially following the death of her husband, which has left her feeling as though her life lacks purpose. Her fixation on weight loss and television success is driven by a deep-seated desperation for love and acknowledgment from her son, Harry.

Values And Beliefs: Love, recognition, familial connection, self-worth linked to appearance.

Strengths And Skills: Resilience in dealing with grief; ability to dream and hope for better outcomes.

Suggestions

Explore deeper motivations behind her obsession with television.
Highlight the contrast between her dreams and her reality.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments in Sara's life contributed to her fear of loneliness?
How does her desire for recognition manifest in her relationships with others?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 9

Sara's character exhibits significant emotional wounds, particularly stemming from her husband's death and her son's absence. The pursuit of weight loss through dangerous means reflects her internal conflict: a desire for acceptance versus the reality of her deteriorating mental health. Sara's addiction to diet pills further complicates her character, introducing themes of dependency and desperation.

Character Wound: Loss of husband leading to extreme loneliness.

Character Flaws: Obsession with appearance, reliance on diet pills, inability to connect deeply with others.

Suggestions

Delve into Sara's memories to illustrate how her past shapes her current behavior.
Create scenes that show Sara's vulnerability outside of her desire to be on TV.

Follow-up Questions

How does her vulnerability impact her relationship with Harry?
What are the underlying fears that drive her reliance on diet pills?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Sara's journey is marked by her increasing detachment from reality as she spirals deeper into addiction and mental instability. Her initial excitement about being on television transforms into a nightmare scenario where she loses her grip on her identity, illustrating a tragic failure to fulfill her dreams.

Polarity Changes: Sara's hopefulness diminishes as her condition deteriorates and she becomes unrecognizable to herself.

Transformation Triggers: The call about her opportunity to be on television, leading to her obsession with dieting and television fame.

Suggestions

Clarify key moments that foreshadow Sara's decline.
Show her relationships deteriorating alongside her mental state.

Follow-up Questions

What could have been done differently to alter Sara's tragic trajectory?
How do her dreams contrast with her final state of being?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Sara's speech often intertwines hope with a sense of pleading, revealing her fragile mental state. She frequently references her desire to be on television, indicating a fixation that overshadows her authenticity and individuality. Sara's language can oscillate between excited dreams and anxious despair, which poignantly reflects her psychological decline.

Unique Voice: Repetitive phrases about weight loss and being on television highlight her obsession.

Suggestions

Diversify Sara's dialogue to include moments of deeper reflection.
Incorporate backstory into her dialogue to reveal more about her past.

Follow-up Questions

How can we illustrate the evolution of Sara's language as her mental state changes?
What moments would benefit from a shift in her dialogue to show vulnerability?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Sara's behaviors, such as chaining her TV and overdosing on diet pills, illustrate her drastic attempts to control her circumstances in a bid for love and validation from her son. These choices not only reflect her deteriorating mental health but also showcase a tragic ignorance of self-harm and addiction as she fails to see the consequences.

Motivations: Desire for love, recognition, and a sense of purpose.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to be seen and loved through appearances; needs emotional connection and support.

Suggestions

Create moments where Sara clearly sees the choices that lead to her decline.
Highlight choices that momentarily break her cycle of obsession.

Follow-up Questions

What specific triggers lead to Sara's most harmful choices?
How does her relationship with Harry impact her decision-making process?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 7

Sara's relationship with Harry is central to her character. While she seeks his approval, her obsession with television exemplifies how her desires for his affection are twisted by her delusions. Furthermore, her attempts to connect with Harry become strained as her mental illness escalates, showcasing how the bond fractures under pressure.

Suggestions

Explore moments that show healthy dynamics between Sara and Harry to contrast her decline.
Highlight other relationships to provide a broader context of Sara's support system.

Follow-up Questions

What barriers prevent Sara from being honest with Harry?
How does Sara's perception of their relationship change over time?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Sara's presence often injects a sense of anxiety and urgency into scenes, particularly when she is fixated on her dreams of television fame. Her increasingly erratic behaviors serve to heighten the tension, influencing how other characters engage with her. All of this establishes a chaotic emotional environment that reflects her turmoil.

Suggestions

Increase the stakes in scenes by showcasing her impact on others.
Utilize silence or pauses to accentuate Sara's emotional state in key scenes.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes showcase a shift in tone due to Sara's presence?
How do other characters react to Sara's descent into addiction?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

Sara's role as a protagonist underscores the story's tragedy, serving as a vivid warning about the perils of unbridled ambition and the quest for validation. Her journey from hopeful contestant to desperate mental decline emphasizes the film's core themes of addiction, alienation, and the human condition.

Symbolic Role: The archetype of the 'tragic dreamer' highlighting the dangers of obsession.

Suggestions

Consider adding layers to her character that either subvert or enhance this role.
Integrate moments that juxtapose her ambitions with her reality.

Follow-up Questions

How does Sara's pursuit of fame reflect broader societal issues?
What consequences does her tragic arc reveal about the nature of dreams?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 10

Sara embodies the central themes of 'Requiem for a Dream,' showcasing the destructive nature of obsession and the longing for approval. Her journey highlights the narratives around addiction and its impact on familial relationships, illuminating how the desires for love and success can morph into dangerous pursuits.

Suggestions

Emphasize thematic elements through Sara's interactions with other characters.
Create callbacks to Sara's dreams to deepen the audience's understanding.

Follow-up Questions

How can we emphasize the parallels between Sara and other characters' struggles?
What pivotal moments best showcase the theme of addiction through Sara?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 10

Sara's descent into madness and her desperate longing for connection resonate strongly with the audience. Each downward spiral pulls viewers into her emotional plight, evoking feelings of sadness and rage at her circumstances, thus making her a deeply moving character.

Emotional Impact: Sara evokes deep sympathy and unease as her journey unfolds.

Suggestions

Show more of her internal monologue to enhance relatability.
Utilize visual motifs that emphasize her emotional plight.

Follow-up Questions

What are key moments where the audience's empathy for Sara could be heightened?
How does Sara's journey affect audience perceptions of addiction?

Personality Types

MBTI: esfj

Sara demonstrates emotional awareness and a strong desire to connect with others, alongside her inclination towards communal validation.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: isfj (75%)

Suggestions

Utilize MBTI insights to deepen Sara's character interactions.
Consider how her type influences her behavior and choices.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways do her MBTI traits affect her relationships with Harry or others?
How might her personality type shape her responses to crises?

Enneagram: type 2 (the helper)

Sara's actions often reveal her need for love and approval from her son, manifesting in her desperate quest for acceptance.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: type 4 (the individualist) (70%)

Suggestions

Explore the motivations behind Sara's helper tendencies.
Consider how her Enneagram type influences her perceived identity.

Follow-up Questions

How does her desire to be needed drive her actions throughout the screenplay?
What conflicts arise from her Enneagram tendencies?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (77)

Sara's television debut encapsulates her dreams while juxtaposing her harsh reality.

Why: This scene stands out because it poignantly captures her emotional highs and tragic lows, effectively illustrating her character arc.

Weakest Scene (29)

In this scene, Sara's dependency on pills is evident as she attempts to follow a strict diet while struggling to suppress her cravings.

Why: The weakness lies in how this scene can feel repetitive without significant progression in her character development.

Suggestions:

Include an incident that starkly contrasts Sara's hope versus her reality.
Incorporate more internal conflict to reveal deeper layers of her struggles.

Tyrone - Score: 65/100

Role

Supporting character

Personality

MBTI: ESFP
Enneagram: 7w6

Scenes

Strongest: #42
Weakest: #6

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 7/10

Young, laid-back drug dealer with dreams.

Complexity And Depth 6/10

Struggles with internal conflict and fear.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 5/10

Experiences a downward spiral alongside Harry, resisting change.

Dialogue And Voice 6/10

Casual speech with a street-smart vernacular.

Behavior And Choices 6/10

Often follows Harry's lead, conflicted but complicit.

Relationship Dynamics 7/10

Deep bond with Harry, reflects trust and understanding.

Scene Impact 6/10

Contributes humor and tension during drug scenarios.

Role Fulfillment 7/10

Provides the foil to Harry's aspirations.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Embodies themes of addiction and friendship.

Emotional Resonance 7/10

Evokes sympathy and empathy through struggles.

Foundational Definition

Score: 7

Tyrone C. Love is depicted as a young man in his twenties who partners with Harry Goldfarb in their ventures into drug dealing. He showcases a laid-back demeanor but possesses aspirations beyond his current circumstances. His identity is wrapped up in his environment in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, where social status and survival often intertwine through illicit activities. Tyrone's character reflects the influence of his surroundings, often demonstrating a blend of bravado and vulnerability as they navigate their challenges together. His actions and decisions are driven by a desire for a better life, yet he is caught in the cycle of addiction and crime.

Values And Beliefs: Desire for better life, camaraderie with friends, loyalty to Harry, disillusionment with current circumstances

Strengths And Skills: Street smarts, ability to navigate drug dealings, good rapport with peers

Suggestions

Deepen his backstory to explore how past experiences have shaped his current values and behavior.
Introduce moments of self-reflection that highlight his internal conflicts regarding the drug lifestyle.

Follow-up Questions

What specific events in Tyrone’s past contribute to his current outlook on life?
How does Tyrone's relationship with Harry influence his choices and behavior throughout the screenplay?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 6

Tyrone is shown to experience internal conflicts related to his lifestyle choices, particularly regarding drug use. His laid-back nature hides a layer of anxiety about their future, and occasional glimpses of fear regarding the violence surrounding their dealings. As the story progresses, these flaws begin to surface more visibly, indicating a struggle to balance the thrill of drug activity with the dangers it brings. His emotional wounds are tied to his lack of control over his life and circumstances, contributing to feelings of helplessness.

Character Wound: Fear of violence and instability in life choices

Character Flaws: Tendency to rely on drugs for coping, reluctance to confront deeper issues

Suggestions

Explore more scenes where Tyrone grapples with the consequences of their drug activities.
Include dialogue that reflects his fears and hopes, providing depth to his internal struggles.

Follow-up Questions

How does Tyrone respond to moments of crisis, and what do they reveal about his character?
What fears does he have regarding their future and how does that inform his actions?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 5

Tyrone begins the screenplay excited about potential opportunities within the drug scene but finds himself pulled deeper into addiction and despair as the narrative progresses. His unwillingness to stray from this lifestyle ultimately leads to his downfall, creating a sense of a tragic cycle rather than personal growth. The moments where he shows hesitation indicate a conflict between his desires and reality, yet he ultimately succumbs to choosing his companions' paths over a potential exit from that life.

Polarity Changes: Starts with a degree of hope but progressively becomes entangled in addiction and criminal activity.

Transformation Triggers: Harry and Tyrone's failed ventures and escalating drug use.

Suggestions

Highlight key moments where Tyrone have the opportunity to change or seek help.
Show interactions with other characters that might lead to transformative moments or reinforce his choices.

Follow-up Questions

What internal decisions does he face at critical points in the story?
At what moments do viewers see glimpses of potential change in Tyrone?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 6

Tyrone’s dialogue often includes playful banter and slang, revealing his comfort in his community and crafting a persona that’s both relatable and entertaining. The informal style reflects his youth and background in Brooklyn's tough environment. As the screenplay progresses, his dialogue shifts slightly as he displays more frustration in dealing with their downward spiral, indicating an evolution in his emotional state.

Unique Voice: Uses informal, colloquial language that reflects his environment and relationships.

Suggestions

Add more layers to his dialogue, allowing moments of vulnerability to contrast his typical bravado.
Incorporate subtext in his conversations that may indicate his deeper thoughts about their situation.

Follow-up Questions

How does Tyrone's dialog change as he becomes more aware of the consequences of his actions?
What moments can his dialogue reveal his hidden anxieties or regrets?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 6

Tyrone’s actions are primarily driven by a mix of loyalty to Harry and the desire for the high life that comes with drug dealing. He often makes choices based on impulsivity rather than long-term benefit, reflecting a tendency to avoid the gravity of their situation. His decisions carry the weight of their joint failures, which ultimately leads him to face dire consequences as addiction takes hold.

Motivations: Desire for quick money, camaraderie with Harry, avoidance of responsibility.

Desires Vs Needs: Wants financial freedom and excitement but needs stability and health.

Suggestions

Show moments where he directly confronts consequences, revealing his internal motivations more clearly.
Emphasize choices that reflect his desires conflicting with his internal needs as the narrative progresses.

Follow-up Questions

At what crucial points does Tyrone's loyalty to Harry conflict with his self-preservation?
How do his decisions impact the outcomes of their plans and his own well-being?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 7

Tyrone and Harry's relationship is central to the narrative, highlighting themes of loyalty and addiction. Their camaraderie exposes both support and enablism, as they both fall deeper into drug use together. Despite their strong connection, Tyrone's relationship with Harry is tested as the stakes rise, and their reliance on each other creates both a bond and a hindrance to personal growth.

Suggestions

Introduce characters that provide contrasting perspectives to Tyrone's relationship with Harry.
Show shifts in his relationships to emphasize both dependency and the desire for independence.

Follow-up Questions

How does Tyrone's reaction change as Harry’s situation becomes more dire?
Are there moments that illustrate a rift or a healing moment between the two friends?

Scene Impact

Score: 6

Tyrone’s presence often lightens tense moments with humor, providing comic relief in scenes filled with despair. However, as the stakes of their drug activities increase, his character also introduces tension, becoming increasingly frantic under pressure. His actions and reactions serve to enhance the emotional responses of the audience, reflecting both the absurdity and tragedy of their lives.

Suggestions

Emphasize his comedic timing or dramatic weight in pivotal moments to enhance his scene impact.
Allow moments for his character to shine in unique ways, highlighting his strengths.

Follow-up Questions

Which specific scenes showcase his humor to contrast the overall despair?
How does Tyrone’s energy affect the tone of scenes where he interacts with Harry?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 7

Tyrone complements Harry's journey, acting as a mirror for Harry’s choices. His character encapsulates the challenges of escaping from their lifestyle while exhibiting the risks of addiction. As Harry's journey sees ups and downs, Tyrone serves both as a cautious friend and an enabler, further complicating the narrative and emphasizing the themes of friendship amidst the chaos of addiction.

Symbolic Role: Represents lost potential and the impact of environment.

Suggestions

Clarify his symbolic role through additional subplots or interactions that draw out deeper meaning.
Expose how his presence directly affects the main plot to reinforce or challenge Harry's decisions.

Follow-up Questions

What does Tyrone represent in the broader context of drug addiction and friendship?
How does his role evolve as circumstances become more severe?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Tyrone’s character engages deeply with the film’s central themes of addiction, dependence, and the consequences of choices. His journey reflects not only personal failings but the impact of socio-economic factors on individuals’ lives. He underscores the tragic nature of the pursuit of dreams through often dangerous means, mirroring the darker realities faced by the characters in their quest for a better life.

Suggestions

Deepen the exploration of how Tyrone’s experiences and viewpoints reflect larger societal themes of addiction.
Integrate his arc so it more pointedly echoes the larger narrative themes.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Tyrone personify the overarching themes of the screenplay?
How does his fate serve as a cautionary tale about addiction and its impact on life aspirations?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 7

Tyrone's presence carries a weight of empathy as the audience witnesses his struggle with addiction and survival. His moments of levity contrast sharply against darker themes, heightening the emotional resonance. Audiences may feel a sense of hope and despair seeing Tyrone's challenges alongside Harry's trajectory, creating a rich emotional landscape.

Emotional Impact: Elicits sympathy through shared struggles with Harry.

Suggestions

Design scenarios that allow Tyrone moments of triumph to contrast his usual path.
Incorporate more personal dialogue that expresses his hopes and fears to deepen audience connection.

Follow-up Questions

How do viewers react to Tyrone's struggles versus Harry's, and what does that reveal about their dynamic?
What emotional moments can enhance Tyrone's character arc to engage the audience further?

Personality Types

MBTI: esfp

Tyrone showcases traits of extroversion, sensing, feeling, and perceiving through his informal interactions, quick adaptability in social situations, and emotional responses to circumstances.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: isfp (20%)

Suggestions

Highlight moments of impulsivity or emotional decision-making in his narration.
Emphasize his creativity and spontaneity through more unique character interactions.

Follow-up Questions

How does his potential ESFP personality manifest in both positive and negative influences on decisions?
What specific situations showcase his adaptability and emotionality?

Enneagram: 7w6

Tyrone exhibits traits of the Enneagram Type 7, with a focus on seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and having some loyalty issues manifesting in the form of anxiety regarding safety and relationships.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: 6w7 (25%)

Suggestions

Explore scenarios where Tyrone’s need for variety clashes with the realities of his environment.
Delve into his fears regarding trust and betrayal that highlight his 6 wing tendencies.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Tyrone’s behavior illustrate the struggle between pursuing pleasure and facing reality?
What moments can emphasize his loyalty themes versus the chaotic backdrop of addiction?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (42)

In the scene where Tyrone and Harry celebrate their successes, showcasing their bond and humor.

Why: This scene stands out because it encapsulates their camaraderie while highlighting the joy and lightness before their inevitable decline.

Weakest Scene (6)

In the pawn shop scene, Tyrone's role is relatively passive as Harry takes the lead.

Why: This scene underutilizes his character, reducing his contribution to a secondary role without showcasing his personality.

Suggestions:

Give Tyrone more lines or nuanced reactions during the pawn shop negotiation.
Include inner monologues that reflect his thoughts on Harry's decisions during this vulnerable moment.

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Addiction (70%)

Characters struggle with addiction to drugs, food, and diet pills, leading to physical and emotional consequences.

Addiction is presented as a destructive force that traps individuals in a cycle of self-destruction and despair.

Strengthening Addiction:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Dialogue - Scene Multiple Scenes	Incorporate dialogue that explicitly explores the characters' struggles with addiction, cravings, and the impact it has on their lives. Use language that conveys the physical and psychological toll of substance abuse, such as 'craving gnawed at my insides' or 'my mind was a fog.'
Character Arc	Develop Harry's character arc to include a significant turning point where he realizes the destructive nature of his addiction and makes a conscious effort towards recovery. Show moments of weakness and resilience in his journey as he confronts the consequences of his actions.
Visual - Scene Sara's Final Scene	In Sara's final scene, employ surreal and disorienting visuals to convey her mental state and the overwhelming impact of her addiction. Use distorted camera angles, fragmented editing, and eerie sound design to create a sense of unease and isolation, reflecting her fractured psyche.
Story Arc - Scene Midpoint	Introduce a significant event or conflict at the midpoint of the screenplay that forces the characters to confront their addictions head-on. This could involve an overdose, a legal consequence, or a personal crisis that acts as a catalyst for change.
Action - Scene Opening Scene	Begin the screenplay with a powerful scene that visually captures the physical and emotional effects of addiction. Show the characters engaging in drug use or struggling with the consequences of their addiction, setting the tone for the film's exploration of this theme.

Isolation and Loneliness (60%)

Characters feel isolated and disconnected from others, leading to depression, anxiety, and a search for connection.

Isolation and loneliness are shown to be devastating emotions that can drive individuals to desperate measures.

Loss and Grief (50%)

Characters grapple with the loss of loved ones, relationships, and dreams, leading to feelings of sadness, longing, and regret.

Loss and grief are presented as powerful emotions that can shape and alter the course of one's life.

Family Dynamics (40%)

Complex and dysfunctional family relationships are explored, revealing the bonds and conflicts that shape individuals.

Family dynamics are shown to have a profound impact on the development and well-being of characters.

Dreams and Aspirations (30%)

Characters pursue their dreams and aspirations, facing obstacles and making sacrifices along the way.

Dreams and aspirations are presented as driving forces that motivate characters and shape their destinies.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goal in this screenplay is to navigate the challenges of addiction, familial relationships, and personal growth.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goal in this screenplay is to navigate the criminal underworld, financial instability, and personal relationships.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict in this screenplay involves the characters' internal struggles with self-worth, redemption, and the consequences of their actions.

Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's evolving internal and external goals contribute to their development as they struggle with addiction, relationship dynamics, and the search for validation and purpose.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The intertwined internal and external goals provide a complex and layered narrative structure, showcasing the protagonist's journey through addiction, criminal activities, and personal growth.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The exploration of philosophical conflicts adds thematic depth to the screenplay, delving into themes of self-worth, redemption, human connection, and the consequences of one's choices.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - Harry and Sara's Closet Conflict	Tense, Emotional, Dramatic	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	8	7	7	7	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
2 - Harry and Tyrone's Odyssey with a Televised Treasure	Sarcastic, Nonchalant, Dark	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
3 - A Night of Plans and Playfulness	Tense, Dark, Humorous	8	8	8	9	8	6	8	9	8	7	7	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
4 - Arrival at the Seacoast Tower	Excitement, Hopeful, Nostalgic, Humorous	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	6	7	7	8	7	8	8	9	9	8	8
5 - Rooftop Escape	Dark, Humorous, Sarcastic	8	8	8	9	9	7	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
6 - Sara's Transformation Begins	Melancholic, Hopeful, Reflective	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	7	5	7	6	7	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
7 - Hanging Out and Partying	Dark, Humorous, Intense	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	8	7	8	9	9	9	8	8
8 - Love and Business Plans	Intimate, Hopeful, Reflective, Passionate	9	8	8	9	9	7	8	7	4	5	6	8	6	9	9	9	8	8	8
9 - The Struggle	Melancholic, Reflective, Hopeful	8	7	7	9	9	7	8	6	5	7	4	6	6	9	6	9	8	8	7
10 - Sara and the Yentas Diet	Humorous, Reflective, Light-hearted	8	8	7	8	9	6	8	7	5	7	4	7	6	6	8	9	8	8	8
11 - Game Show Dreams	Excitement, Humor, Nostalgia	8	7	7	8	8	6	8	7	3	6	4	6	6	8	7	9	8	8	8
12 - Euphoria and Unease	Intense, Suspenseful, Dark, Hopeful, Melancholic	8	8	8	8	9	8	8	7	8	8	8	9	7	9	7	8	8	9	9
13 - Nightfall Temptation	Tense, Intimate, Playful, Deceptive	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	8	7	7	8	8	8	8	9	8	8	8
14 - Hopeful Expectations	Hopeful, Playful, Reflective	8	7	8	9	9	7	8	7	6	7	6	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
15 - A New Television	Intimate, Reflective, Nostalgic, Playful	8	8	7	7	9	7	8	7	7	7	7	8	6	8	7	9	8	8	8
16 - Anxious Anticipation	Excitement, Anticipation, Nervousness, Joy	8	7	7	8	8	5	8	9	3	8	4	6	7	8	6	9	8	9	9
17 - Reconciliation and Love	Emotional, Reflective, Tender	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	5	6	4	6	7	9	8	9	9	8	8
18 - Dinner Conversation with Harry and Sara	Tense, Emotional, Confrontational	8	8	7	8	9	7	8	7	7	8	7	7	7	9	8	8	8	9	9
19 - A Mother's Hope	Emotional, Reflective, Hopeful	9	8	8	9	9	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	9	9	9	8	8	8
20 - Farewell and Chaos	Emotional, Intense, Tense, Romantic	8	8	7	8	9	8	8	7	8	8	7	8	8	9	8	9	9	8	9
21 - Sara's Dream, Tyrone's Terror, and Harry's Hustle	Tense, Suspenseful, Dark	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	9	7	8	9	7	9	8	8	8
22 - The Struggle to Quit	Anxiety, Desperation, Tension, Hope	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	8	7	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
23 - Morning Mystery	Anxious, Confused, Tense	8	7	8	9	7	6	8	7	7	7	7	8	8	8	6	9	8	8	7
24 - Guilt and Anxiety	Tense, Anxious, Desperate	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	7	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8
25 - Desperate Choices	Tense, Desperate, Suspenseful, Intense	8	7	9	8	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	8	7	9	9	8	8
26 - Dark Encounters	Tense, Dark, Emotional	8	7	8	9	9	7	8	7	8	7	8	8	8	9	7	9	8	7	7
27 - Drug Deal Gone Wrong	Tense, Suspenseful, Action-packed	9	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	10	9	7	8	7	9	9	8	8
28 - Desperate Measures	Tense, Desperate, Suspenseful	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
29 - Frantic Search and Plan Revelation	Intense, Emotional, Confrontational	8	7	9	8	8	8	8	7	9	8	8	9	7	9	9	9	9	8	8
30 - The Haunting of Sara's Apartment	Terrifying, Surreal, Desperate	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	10	7	9	8	8	8
31 - Chaos and Confusion in the City	Manic, Desperate, Confused, Emotional	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	8	8	9	8	7	9	6	9	9	8	8
32 - Converging Paths: Medical Emergencies, Addiction, and Nervous Apprehension	Surreal, Disturbing, Intense, Confused	8	8	7	9	8	8	8	7	7	7	8	8	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
33 - Uncomfortable Encounter	Dark, Intense, Disturbing, Tense	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	8	7	9	9	8	8
34 - Uneasy Encounters and Inner Turmoil	Dark, Intense, Disturbing	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	9	8	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
35 - Troubled Times	Tense, Disturbing, Surreal, Intense	8	7	8	8	7	8	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	9	6	9	8	7	7
36 - The Struggle of Sara	Disturbing, Intense, Emotional	9	8	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	8	9	8	10	7	9	9	8	8
37 - Pain and Preparations	Intense, Disturbing, Desperate	9	8	9	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	10	8	9	8	8	8
38 - Disturbing Orgy and Shock Therapy	Dark, Disturbing, Intense	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	10	8	9	9	8	8
39 - Despair and Isolation	Dark, Intense, Disturbing	9	8	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	7	9	8	8	10	7	9	8	8	8
40 - Sara's Dream	Joyful, Surreal, Emotional	8	9	7	9	8	7	8	7	4	6	3	5	7	9	7	9	8	8	8

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Emotional depth
Engaging dialogue
Strong character development
Intense atmosphere
Compelling character dynamics

Scene Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Lack of significant plot progression
Some dialogue may be repetitive or cliché
Dark themes
Graphic content may be disturbing to some viewers

Suggestions

Increase external conflict and raise the stakes to keep the audience engaged
Ensure there is significant plot progression in each scene to avoid stagnation
Avoid repetition in dialogue and strive for impactful, unique language
Consider toning down the graphic and disturbing aspects to create a more accessible story
Work on balancing the strengths with the weaknesses to create a more cohesive and compelling screenplay

World Building

Physical environment: The screenplay presents a multifaceted physical environment comprising various settings such as cramped apartments, urban areas, psychiatric facilities, and bustling cityscapes. Each setting contributes to the atmosphere and mood of the scene, reflecting the characters' emotional states and the overall tone of the narrative.
Culture: The cultural backdrop depicted in the screenplay is characterized by elements of addiction, desperation, and a struggle for survival. Characters navigate a world marred by drug use, violence, and social isolation. The scenes in the pawn shop, dive pad, and psyche ward highlight the characters' entrapment within a cycle of substance abuse and its consequences.
Society: The screenplay portrays a society grappling with issues of mental health, drug addiction, and financial struggles. Characters are often marginalized and isolated, with limited opportunities and limited access to support and resources. The depiction of life in a rundown apartment building and the interactions between the elderly women in Brighton Beach provide insights into the challenges faced by individuals in a disadvantaged environment.
Technology: The technological elements in the screenplay are primarily used to underscore the characters' dependence on drugs and the pervasiveness of addiction in their lives. Scenes involving phones for drug dealing, pills, and internet communications highlight the characters' reliance on external substances to cope with their inner turmoil.
Characters influence: The world elements in the screenplay have a profound impact on the characters' experiences and actions. The gritty urban setting, for instance, contributes to a sense of danger and desperation, driving characters like Harry and Tyrone to engage in increasingly risky behaviors. The presence of drugs and the characters' addiction fuel conflicts and shape their relationships. Sara's struggle with self-image and her desire for recognition and validation highlight the societal pressure to conform to beauty standards.
Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the overall narrative of the screenplay by providing context and depth to the characters' actions and motivations. The bleak and often hostile environment reflects the characters' inner struggles and the challenges they face. The episodic structure of the screenplay, with its shifts between different settings, allows for a fragmented and non-linear exploration of the characters' lives, highlighting the cyclical nature of addiction and the complexities of human relationships.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the screenplay's thematic depth by exploring issues of addiction, mental health, societal inequality, and the search for connection in a fragmented world. The characters' struggles with addiction and the consequences they face underscore the destructive nature of substance abuse and its impact on individuals and their relationships. Sara's journey highlights the pressures of societal expectations and the importance of self-acceptance. The depiction of poverty and marginalization raises questions about social justice and the lack of opportunities for those living on the fringes of society.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice is characterized by raw and emotional dialogue, intense character interactions, and a focus on internal struggles. The screenplay is filled with tension and conflict, highlighting the dysfunctional relationships between the characters.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice intensifies the emotional depth of the script, emphasizing the characters' internal turmoil and the complexity of their relationships.
Best Representation Scene	1 - Harry and Sara's Closet Conflict
Best Scene Explanation	This scene serves as the best representation of the writer's voice due to its vivid portrayal of the characters' internal struggles and the palpable tension between them.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
Emotional Impact and High Stakes	Scenes with high emotional impact tend to also have high stakes, creating a strong sense of tension and urgency.
Dark Tone and Intense Scenes	Scenes with a dark tone often feature intense moments, characterized by high conflict and emotional turmoil.
Hopeful Tone and Reflective Scenes	Scenes with a hopeful tone tend to be more reflective, allowing characters to process their emotions and experiences.
Dialogue and Character Development	Strong dialogue contributes to well-developed characters, providing insights into their motivations, relationships, and inner conflicts.
Consistent Emotional Impact	The screenplay maintains a consistent level of emotional impact, effectively engaging the audience throughout the story.
Tense Scenes and Character Changes	Tense scenes often lead to significant character changes, as characters are forced to confront their own emotions and make difficult decisions.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The analyzed scenes showcase the writer's talent for creating engaging and impactful scenes with strong character development, emotional depth, and compelling narratives. The writer effectively conveys characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts through authentic dialogue, vivid descriptions, and engaging interactions. The writing exhibits a strong command of language, atmosphere, and pacing, effectively drawing the audience into the story world and immersing them in the characters' experiences.

Key Improvement Areas

Dialogue

Several scenes demonstrate strong writing in terms of creating raw and engaging dialogue. However, there are opportunities to further enhance the authenticity and depth of character interactions through more nuanced and context-specific dialogue that reflects their backgrounds, motivations, and relationships.

Pacing

While the scenes generally maintain a good pace, there are instances where the pacing could be optimized to create a more dynamic and engaging narrative flow. This includes varying the length and rhythm of scenes, incorporating moments of tension and release, and ensuring a smooth transition between scenes.

Character Development

The writer effectively establishes the characters and their motivations, but there is potential to further develop their arcs and inner journeys. This includes exploring their backstories, complexities, and growth over the course of the story, as well as creating stronger connections between their actions and the consequences they face.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Screenplay	Read 'Save the Cat' by Blake Snyder	This book provides valuable insights into screenplay structure, character development, and storytelling techniques that can enhance the writer's craft in all key improvement areas.
Exercise	Practice writing dialogue between characters with conflicting desires and beliefs to deepen emotional complexity and tension.Practice In SceneProv	This exercise will help improve the writer's ability to create authentic, engaging dialogue that drives the narrative forward and showcases character development.
Video	Watch 'Scene Writing Masterclass' by John Truby	This video course offers a comprehensive guide to writing effective scenes, covering aspects such as structure, character development, and pacing, which can help address the identified key improvement areas.

Additional Notes: The writer demonstrates a clear talent for storytelling and a strong foundation in screenwriting principles. With continued practice and refinement, they can enhance their craft to create even more compelling, emotionally resonant, and well-structured screenplays.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
Antagonist-centered episode	The episode focuses on the lives and motivations of the antagonists, Tyrone and Harry, and their efforts to secure drugs.	This trope gives the audience a deeper understanding of the motivations and actions of the antagonists, adding complexity to their characters.
Drug use	Harry, Tyrone, and Marion struggle with drug addiction and its consequences.	Drug use is often depicted in film and television to explore themes of addiction, recovery, and the moral and social consequences of drug abuse.
Dysfunctional family	Sara Goldfarb's relationship with her son, Harry, is strained and dysfunctional.	Dysfunctional families are a common trope in film and television, as they provide a setting for exploring complex emotional dynamics, secrets, and conflicts.
False accusation	Sara is falsely accused of stealing a television set.	False accusations can create tension and suspense, as the protagonist must work to clear their name.
Heroic sacrifice	Harry sacrifices his own well-being to save his mother, Sara.	Heroic sacrifices are often used to create a sense of climax and resolution, as the protagonist's selfless actions demonstrate their heroism.
Isolation	Sara Goldfarb is isolated from society due to her mental illness and fears.	Isolation can be a powerful storytelling device, as it can create a sense of vulnerability, loneliness, and desperation.
LGBTQ+ characters	Marion Silver is a lesbian, and her relationship with Harry adds a layer of complexity to their characters.	Including LGBTQ+ characters in film and television can help normalize and increase representation of diverse identities.
Mental illness	Sara Goldfarb struggles with mental illness and addiction, which affects her relationships and behavior.	Mental illness can be a delicate and challenging subject to portray, but can also provide opportunities for deep character development and exploration.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder	Sara Goldfarb's excessive cleaning and compulsive behaviors are a manifestation of her obsessive-compulsive disorder.	Obsessive-compulsive disorder can be a debilitating condition, and its portrayal in film and television can help increase awareness and understanding.
Unreliable narrator	Sara Goldfarb's perspective on events is often unreliable due to her mental illness.	Unreliable narrators can create a sense of mystery and uncertainty, as the audience is left to question the truth of the story.

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
20	MARION: Oh Harry, I love you. You make me feel like a person, like I’m me and I’m beautiful.
21	Tappy Tibbons: Juice by Sara! Juice by Sara! Juice by Sara! ooooOOOOH! Sara’s got juice! Sara’s got juice! ooooOOOH Sara!
27	Harry: Yeah, I feel like I’m dreamin’.
10	Sara: So, I’m thinking thin.
22	Marion: I love you, Harry.

Some Loglines to consider:

Four lives consumed by addiction and trauma converge in a harrowing and vivid journey towards a break in their collective corrupt humanity.
A captivating ride through the intertwined struggles of addiction and trauma when several people enter into a new drug induced journey with unknown endings.
A tale of four people struggling with addictions and how they become ensnared in destructive behaviors as they strive for resolution.
What does drug addiction and obsession with television have in common? Watch as the lives of four addicts become intertwined in a grim tale of addiction, angst, and heartbreak.
In a dizzying spiral of addiction, isolation and trauma, four people come to terms with the high price of their searches for happiness.

Help & FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions

Start with the executive summary to get a bird's eye view.
After that, the high-level menu will offer insights into the story, themes, and characters.
The scene-by-scene analysis will demonstrate how each scene performs across various criteria, summarized in the column headings.
Click on any scene title to view the full analysis, including critiques and suggestions for improvement.
'Other Analyses' provides various insights into your writing and different perspectives, although it might not lead to significant rewrites of your script.

Click on the Print Analysis link in the left menu. You can then print to PDF or save it as PDF.

Click the Scene Analysis link on the left menu. Next to each scene title you can click "improve". In the improve page you can select any scene from your script to work on.

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Let the AI take a turn when you're blocked or you want to riff on a scene. Each scene you create in SceneProv gets graded at the end.

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REQUIEM FOR A DREAM

Screenplay by

Hubert Selby, Jr. and Darren Aronofsky

Based on the novel
by Hubert Selby, Jr.

Shooting Script, 2000
FADE IN:

1 ON THE TV - 1

is Tappy Tibbons, America’s favorite television personality.

His charismatic personality shines for the entire world to
see.

His audience cheers wildly.

AUDIENCE
Juice by Tappy! Juice by Tappy!

Juice by Tappy! ooooOOOOH! Tappy’s got juice! Tappy’s got
juice! ooooOOOOH Tappy!

TAPPY TIBBONS
Thank you! Thank you vey much!
Today’s winner is a flight attendant
from Washington DC. Will you please
welcome Mary -

Suddenly, the plug is pulled. The TV flickers off and we -

CUT TO:

THE PRESENTATION TITLES, THEN -

CUT TO:

2 INT. SARA’S LIVING ROOM - DAY 2

Harry Goldfarb, young twenties, is an eccentric kid with a
seductive smile.

He tries to stop his mother, Sara Goldfarb, from locking
herself in the closet.

HARRY
Ma! Ma! C’mon, Ma!

SARA
Harold. Please. Not again the TV.

She slams the door closed and Harry talks to the shut door.

HARRY
Why do you haveta make such a big
deal out of this? Eh? You know
you’ll have the set back in a couple
of hours.

No answer.

(CONTINUED)
2.

2 CONTINUED: 2

HARRY
Why ya gotta make me feel guilty?
(frustrated)
Ahhh...

Harry walks across the room to the early eighties TV with
ridiculous rabbit ears.

Sara locks the door and retreats to the back of the closet.

Harry starts to push the set on its stand when suddenly it
jerks - almost falling. Harry spies a thick bicycle chain
going from around the TV to the radiator.

HARRY
Jesus! Whatta ya tryin’ to do, eh?
You tryin’ to get me to break my own
mother’s set? Or break the radiator?

Harry marches to the closet.

HARRY
..an’ maybe blow up the whole house?
You tryin’ to make me a killer?
Your own son? Your own flesh and
blood? WHATTA YA DOIN’ TA ME?
YOUR OWN SON!!!

Then, a thin key slowly peeks out from under the closet door.

Harry works it out with his fingernail and yanks it up.

HARRY
Why do you always gotta play games
with my head for krist’s sake?
Don’t you have any considerations
for my feelings? Why do you haveta
make my life so difficult?

And then, meekly from the closet -

SARA
Harold, I wouldn’t. The chain isn’t
for you. The robbers.

HARRY
Then why didn’t you tell me? The
set almost fell. I coulda had a
heart attack.

Sara shakes her head in the darkness.

SARA
You should be well, Harold.

(CONTINUED)
3.

2 CONTINUED: (2) 2

HARRY
Then why won’t you come out?

Harry tries to open the locked closet door but can’t.

HARRY
See what I mean? See how you always
gotta upset me?

Harry walks to the TV, unlocks the chain and starts to wheel
the TV towards the front door. He pauses by the closet.

HARRY
Ma? Ma? C’mon out? Please, Ma.

No response. Inside, Sara hugs her knees.

Then, he throws up his hands, mumbles -

HARRY
Eh, screw it.

And pushes the set carefully out of the apartment.

In the closet, Sara hears the door shut. She mumbles to
herself -

SARA
It’s not happening. And if it should
be happening it would be alright, so
don’t worry, Seymour. It’ll all
work out. You’ll see already. In
the end it’s all nice.

SMASH CUT TO:

BLACK -

- AND THE TITLE: ’REQUIEM FOR A DREAM’

TITLES BEGIN -

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Emotional, Dramatic

Summary Harry Goldfarb attempts to unlock a closet door where his mother, Sara, has locked herself inside. Despite Harry's pleas, Sara refuses to come out, causing frustration and tension between them. Harry discovers a bicycle chain attached to the TV and unlocks it to wheel the TV out of the apartment, leaving Sara alone in the closet.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Authentic dialogue
Tense atmosphere

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel slightly melodramatic

General Critique

The scene sets up the dynamic between Harry and Sara well, showcasing their strained relationship and Sara's paranoia about robbers.
The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the tension between the characters effectively.
The use of the TV as a symbol of connection and disconnection between Harry and Sara is well-executed.
The scene effectively establishes the tone of the screenplay and hints at the themes of isolation and miscommunication.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere of the scene, such as lighting or sound effects.
Explore ways to show Sara's internal struggles more explicitly, perhaps through flashbacks or inner monologues.
Consider adding more depth to Harry's character to make him more relatable and multidimensional.
Think about incorporating subtle foreshadowing elements to hint at the darker themes of the screenplay.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

3 EXT. SARA’S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS 3

Waiting for Harry is Tyrone C. Love, young twenties, leaning
against the wall, playing skillfully with a yo-yo.

Taking his time, Tyrone helps Harry wheel the set to the
dingy elevator.

TYRONE
Sheeit, this mutha startin’ to look
a little seedy, man.

(CONTINUED)
4.

3 CONTINUED: 3

HARRY
What’s the matter, ya particular all
of a sudden?

TYRONE
Hey, baby, ah don’t care if it’s
growin’ hair just so’s we get our
braid.

CUT TO:

4 EXT. SARA’S BUILDING - BRIGHTON BEACH, BROOKLYN - DAY 4

Lining the front of the building in beach chairs are ten
female Yentas absorbing the sun and passing judgement on
Harry.

Harry says hello and is greeted by a chorus of fake, sarcastic
’hellos’ in return.

CUT TO:

5 EXT. STREETS OF BRIGHTON BEACH AND CONEY ISLAND 5

Harry and Tyrone carefully navigate the TV through the streets
of the old Brooklyn neighborhood.

They go under the elevated train, past the giant, dying
projects, across the boardwalk, beneath the shadows of the
towering parachute jump and through the cracking and boarded-
up amusement park.

THE TITLES END.

A HARD CUT TO:

BLACK

ON THE SCREEN IN WHITE LETTERS: ’SUMMER’

CUT TO:

6 INT. PAWN SHOP - DAY 6

Old and squat Mr. Rabinowitz shakes his head as Harry and
Tyrone push the set into his store.

He stands behind a cage of bulletproof glass with all of the
pawn shop’s possessions.

MR RABINOWITZ
So look, the table too already.

(CONTINUED)
5.

6 CONTINUED: 6

HARRY
Hey, what do you want from me? I
can’t schlep it on my back.

MR RABINOWITZ
You got a friend.

TYRONE
Hey man, I ain’t my leper’s schlepper.

Harry chuckles.

MR RABINOWITZ
Such a son. A goniff. Your mother
needs you like a moose needs a hat
rack.

The pawn shop owner clucks his tongue and slowly counts out
the money.

CUT TO:

7 QUICK HIP-HOP MONTAGE: 7

Lighter flicks-liquid on spoon sizzles-tourniquet snaps-
needle sucks-hand slaps vein-a thunderous rush of liquid-and
finally an ecstatic sigh.

8 INT. TYRONE’S DIVE PAD - LATER 8

Tyrone’s pad is run down but it’ll do. Tight on Harry back-
spinning a record on the turntable and halting the beat.

Then he lets the other turntable spin and start a new tune.

TYRONE
Sheeit, that’s some boss scag, baby.
I mean DYN-A-MITE.

HARRY
Yeah, man, something else.

Harry calmly watches the record spin.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Crime
Tone: Sarcastic, Nonchalant, Dark

Summary Harry and Tyrone embark on an adventure to pawn a television, encountering quirky characters and navigating the vibrant streets of Brighton Beach and Coney Island. Despite Tyrone's concerns, Harry remains unfazed. They share a moment of euphoric escapism from reality through heroin, ending their journey on a bittersweet note.

Strengths

Strong character development
Engaging dialogue
Authentic setting

Weaknesses

Lack of major character changes
Limited emotional depth

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, feeling disjointed and lacking in cohesion.
The dialogue between Harry and Tyrone feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth or authenticity.
The transition between different locations is abrupt and could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.
There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
The visual descriptions are minimal and could be enhanced to create a more vivid and immersive setting.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more depth to the dialogue between Harry and Tyrone to make it more engaging and authentic.
Work on creating a clearer sense of purpose and direction for the scene to improve its overall impact.
Enhance the transitions between different locations to create a smoother flow and improve the coherence of the scene.
Focus on developing the emotional depth of the characters to make the scene more compelling and relatable.
Add more descriptive details to the setting and visuals to create a more immersive and engaging atmosphere.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

9 INT. DONUT SHOP - NIGHT - LATER 9

Tyrone and Harry sit at the counter of an all-night donut
shop, sipping hot chocolate and eating chocolate Crullers.

TYRONE
Ya know what we oughta do, man?
Huh?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
6.

9 CONTINUED: 9

TYRONE (CONT'D)
We oughta get a piece of this Brody
shit and cut it and off it, ya dig?

HARRY
This stuff’s good enough to cut in
half and still get you wasted. We
could double our money. Easy.

TYRONE
That’s right. An’ then we buy a
couple a pieces an’ we got something’
else goin’, man. It sure would be
righteous.

HARRY
In no time we’d get a pound of pure
straight from Sal the Geep.

TYRONE
No hassles. That’s all I want, no
hassles.

Just then, a hulking Cop sits down on the stool next to Harry.

Tyrone and Harry both fall silent and slowly sip their hot
chocolates.

Harry looks down at the Cop’s gun. It’s maybe six inches
from his hand.

Slowly, he reaches over and undoes the safety latch on the
Cop’s holster.

Tyrone’s eyes fill with fear.

The Waitress comes over and gives the Cop his office.

WAITRESS
Can I get you a -

Just then, Harry yanks the gun out of the holster. The Cop
spins around. Harry retreats -

COP
Hey! Hey!

Harry smiles as the Cop charges. Tyrone snickers. Then
Harry tosses the gun over the Cop’s head. Tyrone catches
it.

The Cop chases Tyrone.

Harry and Tyrone laugh as they toss the gun back and forth
just over the frustrated Cop’s head.

(CONTINUED)
7.

9 CONTINUED: (2) 9

The Cop slips and falls on his ass and we -

CUT BACK TO:

10 REALITY. FIVE MINUTES EARLIER - 10

WAITRESS
Anything else? Huh?

Tyrone butts Harry. Harry looks up at the Waitress who stares
at him. The towering Cop looks over as well.

WAITRESS
Well.

HARRY
No, no. Just the check.

The Cop returns to his donut.

CUT TO:

11 INT. PAWN SHOP - DAY 11

Mr Rabinowitz shakes his head as Sara enters. He pulls out
a ledger book that is labeled ’Sara Goldfarb’s TV’.

MR RABINOWITZ
Good evening, Mrs Goldfarb.

SARA
Good evening, Mr Rabinowitz, though
I’m not so sure how good it is.
And you?

MR RABINOWITZ
Uh, so what can I say? Are you
wanting your TV?

SARA
Yes, if you don’t mind.

Sara pulls a crinkled ten dollar bill out of the corner of
her blouse and hands it to Mr Rabinowitz.

MR RABINOWITZ
Mrs Goldfarb, can I ask you a
question, you won’t be taking it
personal?

Sara shrugs.

MR RABINOWITZ
How many years we know each other?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
8.

11 CONTINUED: 11

MR RABINOWITZ (CONT'D)
(he nods his head)
Who’s to count? Why don’t you tell
already the police so maybe they
could talk to Harry and he wouldn’t
be stealing no more the TV.

SARA
Oooo, Mr Rabinowitz, I couldn’t,
Harold’s my only child. He’s all I
have.

CUT TO:

12 INT. SARA’S LIVING ROOM - LATER 12

Sara chains the TV to the radiator again. She turns on the
set, adjusts the rabbit ears and watches whatever is on.

Sara smiles as she settles into her chair. She cermoniously
removes the plastic wrapper from around a box of chocolates.

Immediately, she pulls out a chocolate, covered cream and
lets it dissolve in her mouth. Her eyes shut in gentle
ecstasy.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Crime
Tone: Tense, Dark, Humorous

Summary Tyrone and Harry discuss cutting and selling drugs in a donut shop, where they playfully steal a cop's gun. The scene then shifts to Sara selling her TV at a pawn shop and returning home to enjoy chocolates.

Strengths

Effective blend of tension and humor
Realistic dialogue
Engaging character dynamics

Weaknesses

Lack of significant character development in this scene

General Critique

The scene starts off with a conversation between Tyrone and Harry about cutting and selling drugs, which seems out of place and disconnected from the previous scenes.
The sudden shift to playfully stealing a cop's gun in a donut shop feels forced and unrealistic, breaking the tone of the script.
The interaction with the cop and the gun-stealing incident lacks depth and doesn't add much to the overall story or character development.
The transition back to reality five minutes earlier is confusing and disrupts the flow of the scene.
The scene with Sara selling her TV at the pawn shop feels disconnected from the previous events and lacks a clear purpose or impact on the overall story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the conversation between Tyrone and Harry to make it more relevant to the characters and the plot.
Find a more organic and meaningful way to introduce conflict or tension in the scene, rather than relying on a random and unrealistic event like stealing a cop's gun.
Focus on developing the relationship between Sara and Mr. Rabinowitz at the pawn shop to add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.
Ensure that each scene contributes to the overall narrative and character development, avoiding unnecessary or disjointed elements.
Consider revising the pacing and structure of the scene to maintain coherence and engagement for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

13 EXT. SEACOAST TOWER - DAY 13

Looking straight up at the thirty-storey building with sharp
eyes is Marion. She is beautiful, fresh, and in her young
twenties.

Harry, with a stack of newspapers under his arm, comes up
from behind and kisses her on the neck.

CUT TO:

SEACOAST TOWER’S FOYER
Harry randomly presses one of
countless buzzers. An Old Lady
responds a moment later.

OLD LADY
Hello? Who is it?

Harry mumbles into the speaker. He and Marion try to hold
their laughter.

OLD LADY
Who?

Harry mumbles again. When the buzzer rings we’re on -
9.

14 THE ELEVATOR 14

- in black-and-white video. A security camera watches Harry
and Marion jump around as they head to the -

15 TOP FLOOR 15

PING! Harry dips his head out the open doors.

All clear. He grabs Marion and they dash to the -

16 STAIRWELL 16

- where red, bold warnings on the emergency exit roof door
threaten alarm if the door is opened.

MARION
What do we do now?

Harry pulls out a wire from his back pocket and shorts the
alarm.

Then, he kicks the roof door open. White light rushes in.

CUT TO:

17 INT. SARA’S LIVING ROOM 17

Her phone rrrings and Sara leans towards it but she continues
to adjust the rabbit ears on her set, torn between the priorty
of the two activities.

Finally, four rings later, she lunges for the phone and flops
down in her viewing chair. She is greeted by a Cheery Voice.

SARA
Hello?

CHEERY VOICE
(off-screen)
Mrs Goldfarb? Mrs Sara Goldfarb?

SARA
It’s me. Speaking.

The voice is so enthusiastic that she looks over to the TV
to see if it’s coming from there.

CHEERY VOICE
(off-screen)
Mrs Goldfarb, this is Lyle Russel
from Malin & Block.

SARA
I’m not interested in -

(CONTINUED)
10.

17 CONTINUED: 17

CHEERY VOICE
(off-screen)
Wait, Mrs Goldfarb. I’m not selling
anything. Nothing. I just want to
offer you a chance to be on
television.

SARA
Television?

CHEERY VOICE
(off-screen)
That’s right, Mrs Goldfarb.

SARA
Look, I don’t have any -

CHEERY VOICE
(off-screen)
I’m not looking for money, Mrs
Goldfarb. I’m calling to tell you
you’ve already won. Your name was
selected from a long list of available
contestants. You’ve been chosen and
you now have an opportunity to be on
television.

SARA
Me? On television?

Sara’s eyes light up.

LYLE RUSSEL
(off-screen)
That’s right, Mrs Goldfarb. You on
television.

SARA
I never thought I’d be on television.
I’m just a -

LYLE RUSSEL
(off-screen)
Malin & Block discovers contestants
for most of America’s favorite
television shows.

SARA
Ooooooo... Me... me... on... oh I
can’t...

LYLE RUSSEL
(off-screen)
Yes, Mrs Goldfarb, you.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
11.

17 CONTINUED: (2) 17

LYLE RUSSEL (CONT'D)
Congratulations! I can’t tell you
why you are so lucky, but you are.
Congratulations!

Sara falls against the back of the viewing chair, one hand
clutches desperately at the phone, the other on top of her
dress. Her eyes bulge, her mouth hangs open.

LYLE RUSSEL
(off-screen)
You will receive all necessary
information in the mail, Mrs Goldfarb.
Goodbye and... God bless.

Click! Sara tries to catch her breath. She awakens from
her ecstasy when the phone beeps its off-the-hook sound.

18 INT. SARA’S BEDROOM - A BIT LATER 18

Sara picks up a framed photo. The picture was taken on
Harry’s high school graduation day years ago. Harry, in the
middle, is an eighteen-year-old in cap and gown. Sara’s
husband Seymour hovers over Harry’s left shoulder.

On Harry’s right is a younger-looking Sara. She is thirty
pounds lighter, has brilliant red hair and wears a red dress
and gold shoes. Sara stares at her outfit.

Then she rushes to the closet. As she hums a tuneless
monotone, she carefully pulls out the last dress on the hook.

She ceremoniously removes the dry-cleaning plastic and smiles
at her red dress.

She puts it on. In the mirror she looks over one shoulder
and then the other. She tries to zip up the back, but after
half an inch and many minutes of exertion she gives up.

On her hands and knees, she searches through mounds of shoes
for the special pair. She pulls out the gold shoes and dusts
them off. Shakily, Sara puts them on. She smiles at herself
in the mirror.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Excitement, Hopeful, Nostalgic, Humorous

Summary Harry and Marion, a playful couple, enter a building called the Seacoast Tower, while Sara Goldfarb receives exciting news about a television appearance.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Emotional depth
Character development
Plot advancement

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict
Limited action

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from Harry and Marion playfully entering the Seacoast Tower to Sara receiving a life-changing phone call, which feels disjointed and lacks a smooth transition.
The dialogue between Sara and the Cheery Voice feels a bit forced and unnatural, lacking depth and emotional authenticity in Sara's reaction to the news of being selected for television.
The visual descriptions of Sara's excitement and reaction to the phone call could be enhanced to create a more vivid and engaging scene for the audience.
The pacing of the scene could be improved by adding more emotional depth to Sara's character and exploring her internal thoughts and feelings in response to the unexpected opportunity to be on television.
The shift from Sara's phone call to her reminiscing about Harry's graduation day and trying on the red dress feels somewhat disconnected and could be better integrated into the overall narrative flow.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more emotional depth and complexity to Sara's character in response to the news of being selected for television, to make her reaction more authentic and engaging.
Work on creating a smoother transition between the different elements of the scene, such as Sara's phone call, her reminiscing about Harry's graduation day, and trying on the red dress.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience, capturing Sara's excitement and emotional journey more effectively.
Explore Sara's internal thoughts and feelings in more detail to provide insight into her character and motivations, adding depth and complexity to her reaction to the unexpected opportunity.
Consider integrating the different elements of the scene more seamlessly to improve the overall pacing and narrative flow, ensuring a more cohesive and engaging storytelling experience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

19 EXT. ROOF - DAY 19

Harry and Marion throw paper airplanes down on the dying
amusement park.

HARRY
... but why you so hard on your folks?
I mean, they give you the bread for
rent, money for the shrink -

(CONTINUED)
12.

19 CONTINUED: 19

MARION
They bug me. They’re fucking
hypocrites.

Harry shrugs - no big deal.

MARION
Like they’re in that big house with
all their cars and money. They pay
me off so they don’t have to deal
with me. They pay off charities to
deal with their racism. Then we’ll
see how liberal they are when I come
home with a black guy.

HARRY
You know what you gotta do.

MARION
Yeah.

HARRY
You gotta get away from them.

MARION
How?

HARRY
What about your clothes? Maybe you
could sell them. Open a store.

MARION
I can’t.

HARRY
Why?

MARION
When will I have time to hang with
you?

A deserved kiss.

CUT TO:

20 EXT. ADA’S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS 20

Sara, barely wearing her red dress, knocks on a door. Ada,
an orange-haired woman Sara’s age, answers the door.

ADA
So where’s the party?

(CONTINUED)
13.

20 CONTINUED: 20

SARA
Party, schmarty. This is like all
the parties. When I tell you, you’ll
jump out the window.

ADA
A basement window, I hope.

CUT TO:

21 INT. SARA’S BEDROOM 21

Ada tries to stuff Sara into her red dress but it ain’t
happening.

ADA
Well, I have a great diet book.

SARA
Zophtic.

CUT BACK TO:

22 EXT. EMERGENCY EXIT DOOR 22

Marion grabs Harry’s short-circuit wire. Harry, who’s already
inside, looks at his girl’s mischievous eyes.

HARRY
Marion!

Harry gets it. He smiles. Then, Marion yanks the wire.

ALARMS SCREAM!!!

Harry and Marion bolt to the -

23 TOP FLOOR 23

- where both elevators charge the top floor.

MARION
They’re coming.

Harry grabs Marion’s hand and pulls her down the hallway.

Dead end.

Harry and Marion squeeze against the doorway -- fighting the
urge to crack-up. Then:

PING! -- the elevator. A Security Guard charges out.

Harry and Marion hold their breath. The Guard heads straight
for the staircase.

(CONTINUED)
14.

23 CONTINUED: 23

Then our criminals charge --

24 THE ELEVATOR 24

-- and in black-and-white video make out all the way down.

THEN:

25 EXT. SEACOAST TOWER - DAY 25

Harry and Marion burst out of the front door laughing, alarms
ringing behind them.

CUT TO:

26 INT. SARA’S MAILBOX - DAY 26

The mailbox opens and Sara disappointedly peers into the
empty darkness.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Crime, Comedy
Tone: Dark, Humorous, Sarcastic

Summary Harry and Marion share a moment on a rooftop, throwing paper airplanes and discussing Marion's desire to escape her family. After setting off alarms, they escape through an elevator, share a kiss, and burst out of the building laughing amidst the chaos.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Complex characters
Blend of genres and tones

Weaknesses

Some scenes may be confusing without context
Transition between flashbacks and present scenes

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed.
The dialogue between Harry and Marion feels a bit forced and lacks depth in terms of character development.
The conflict between Harry and Marion is not clearly defined, making their conversation feel aimless.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere.
The transition between different locations is abrupt and could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to provide better continuity.
Develop the dialogue between Harry and Marion to reveal more about their characters and deepen their relationship.
Introduce a clearer conflict or tension between Harry and Marion to drive the scene forward.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid picture of the settings and characters.
Work on improving the pacing and flow of the scene by refining the transitions between different locations.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

27 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 27

Sara sits in her viewing chair watching television and reading
her diet book as she slides herself a chocolate.

The diet book is called ’Ten Pounds in Ten Days.’

She flips through about a hundred pages of introduction until
she comes to the words, ’FIRST WEEK.’

She stares at the page and suddenly she becomes concerned.

She reaches for a chocolate-covered caramel as we read the
page with her:

BREAKFAST

1 hard-boiled egg
1/2 grapefruit
1 cup black coffee (no sugar)

LUNCH

1 hard-boiled egg
1/2 grapefruit
1/2 cup lettuce (no dressing)
Cup Black coffee (no sugar)

DINNER

1 hard-boiled egg
1/2 grapefruit
1 cup black coffee (no sugar)

(CONTINUED)
15.

27 CONTINUED: 27

NOTE: Drink at least 2 quarts of water each day.

Sara stares and chews Her eyes focus on the words, ’no’ ’1,’
and ’1/2’. They focus on the repetition of meals. They
focus on the insanity, searching for the real information
between the lines.

She hears a giggle and turns to look at the refrigerator.

The fridge tremors slightly -- a small mechanical rattle.

Defeated, she drops the book and reaches for another
chocolate. Her head starts to hang and tears begin to well
up in her eyes.

But then she notices something on the television.

TAPPY TIBBONS
Now, let’s meet our next winner.
Straight from Brighton Beach,
Brooklyn, let’s give juicy welcome
to Mrs Sara Goldfarb.

There she is! Herself dressed in red, her hair gorgeous
red, walking across the screen, so slim, so trim, so sexy.

Such curves. This is Red Sara.

Our Sara’s tears fade as her chin lifts and she begins to
smile.

She watches Red Sara pose for the television audience. She
can hear the applause and the wolf whistles.

She puts the chocolates away and lifts up the book -- new
hope.

CUT TO:

28 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT - MIDSUMMER DAY 28

Bright, summer sun shoots through the window and screams
across Marion’s living room floor until it slows and falls
upon Harry and Marion.

They are asleep, fully dressed in each other’s arms.

The racing sounds of the outside midday summer traffic
dissipate and they are alone in a vacuum of melodious
heartbeats and deep breaths.

CUT TO:
16.

29 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT - DAY 29

Ada strips Sara’s hair with a smelly home-made peroxide
concoction at the sink. They’re positioned so that they can
both watch the TV set from the corners of their eyes.

SARA
Ech, what a smell. That’s the Gawanus
Canal?

ADA
Just relax, Dolly, you got a long
way to go. You’ll get used to it.

SARA
Get used to it? I’m almost losing
my appetite.

They chuckle.

SARA
When’s lunch?

Bigger laugh.

ADA
Sweetie, we’re lucky if we’re finished
before supper.

SARA
So long?

ADA
That’s right. With you we’re starting
from scratch one.

SARA
And I thought I would catch a little
sun today.

ADA
In a box you’ll catch it. You just
relax and think how gorgeous you’ll
look with your red hair. Today the
hair, tomorrow the sun.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama
Tone: Melancholic, Hopeful, Reflective

Summary Sara struggles with a restrictive diet but finds inspiration in a vision of herself as the slim and glamorous "Red Sara." Ada supports her as she undergoes a hair transformation, preparing for a photo shoot that marks her journey to achieve her beauty goals.

Strengths

Emotional depth of characters
Exploration of themes
Subtle character interactions

Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Slow pacing in some moments

General Critique

The scene effectively portrays Sara's struggle with her diet plan and temptation through her actions and emotions.
The contrast between Sara's disappointment with the diet plan and her excitement upon seeing herself on television adds depth to her character.
The use of visual cues, such as Sara reaching for chocolates and then putting them away after seeing herself on TV, enhances the storytelling.
The scene effectively conveys Sara's internal conflict and her journey towards renewed hope and determination.
The interaction between Sara and Ada adds a touch of humor and camaraderie to the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more dialogue between Sara and Ada to further develop their relationship and provide insight into Sara's thoughts and feelings.
Explore ways to visually represent Sara's internal struggle with the diet plan more creatively, perhaps through symbolic imagery or dream sequences.
Introduce more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene, such as describing the smell of the peroxide concoction or the taste of the chocolates Sara is tempted by.
Consider incorporating Sara's inner monologue to provide a deeper insight into her emotions and thought process.
Experiment with different camera angles and lighting techniques to visually emphasize Sara's emotional journey and the contrast between her disappointment and newfound hope.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

30 INT. MARION’S KITCHEN 30

Marion straightens up the kitchen. Harry is spinning some
records on his portable turntable. Tyrone plays with his yo-
yo.

(CONTINUED)
17.

30 CONTINUED: 30

MARION
Anybody wanna waste some time?

Marion pulls out three pills. Harry and Tyrone each grab
one. Ingestion...

WIDE SHOT of the kitchen in time lapse. The next three-
minute scene is actually a three-hour event as Harry, Marion
and Tyrone hang out. We listen to them at normal, if not
slightly slowed down, speed.

HARRY
I’m starving.

TYRONE
Yeah, me too, get me a Snickers.

HARRY
Damn, Ty, don’t you eat anything
except Snickers?

TYRONE
Yeah, Chuckles. Ah digs Chuckles.

MARION
You sure as hell don’t know anything
about eating, man.

HARRY
What you need is some good noodle
soup.

TYRONE
Sheeit, Pepsi and Snickers’ll take
care of anything.

HARRY
And maybe some bread.

TYRONE
I prefer the type that goes in my
pocket not my mouth.

HARRY
Exactly. Angel told me about a
job --

In the flash of an eye, Harry changes record after record,
Tyrone rolls a joint and Marion lights some candles.

TYRONE
A job! Hah!

MARION
What? You lose a bet?

(CONTINUED)
18.

30 CONTINUED: (2) 30

TYRONE
(giggles)
Damn, this is a righteous chick,
Jim.

HARRY
No, we got this idea. Tyrone has
this connection, Brody, with some
dynamite shit. If we can get some
cash together we can get a piece,
cut it up and make a fortune.

TYRONE
Soon we could get a pound of pure
and retire.

HARRY
We’d get off hard knocks and be on
easy street.

Someone is at the door. Marion answers it and seven friends
pile in.

Everyone is in time lapse and everyone is partying. We watch
and listen to the evening’s festivities until --

MARION
What’s the catch?

Suddenly, the racing kitchen clock stops.

CUT TO:

31 INT. SARA’S BATHROOM - DAY 31

Sara stares in the mirror, blinking at her ridiculously orange
hair. It’s nowhere near red.

SARA
That’s red?

ADA
Well, it’s not exactly red but it’s
almost, maybe, in the same family.

SARA
The same family? They’re not even
distant cousins already.

ADA
It’s a red. Not a red red, but a
red.

(CONTINUED)
19.

31 CONTINUED: 31

SARA
Red? You’re telling me this is a
red?

ADA
Yeah. I’m telling. It’s a red.

SARA
Then what’s orange? If this is a
red I want to know what’s orange.

Ada looks at Sara’s hair, then her reflection, then back to
Sara’s hair and then back to her reflection. She purses her
lips and shrugs.

ADA
Well, it could be a little orange,
too.

SARA
A little orange? It’s a little orange
like being a little pregnant.

ADA
(shrugs)
So what’s to worry? It’ll be alright.

SARA
What’s to worry? Someone may try to
juice me.

ADA
Relax, relax, Dolly. It just needs
a little more dye. It’ll be alright
for television.

SARA
All day long, I’m getting my scalp
scraped and burned and smelling like
dead fish and I look like a
basketball.

ADA
Relax. You should learn to relax.
That’s your trouble, you don’t know
how to relax already. I’m telling
you it’s alright. Tomorrow we’ll do
it again and you’ll look like Lucille
Ball.

Ada leads Sara away from the mirror.

CUT TO:
20.

Genres: Drama, Crime, Dark Comedy
Tone: Dark, Humorous, Intense

Summary Marion, Harry, and Tyrone take pills and chat about food, jobs, and more for three hours. They are joined by seven friends who party with them. Sara is unhappy with the results of her hair dyeing, which has turned out orange instead of red.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Effective thematic exploration
Compelling character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some elements may be confusing without prior context
Transition between scenes could be smoother

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, as it jumps between different conversations and activities without a central theme.
The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth, with characters engaging in superficial banter that doesn't add much to the story or character development.
The time lapse element, while creative, may confuse the audience and disrupt the flow of the scene.
The transition from Marion's kitchen to Sara's bathroom feels abrupt and disconnected, making it hard for the audience to follow the narrative.
The humor in the dialogue and interactions feels forced and doesn't land effectively, detracting from the overall tone of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a central conflict or goal for the characters in the scene to drive the narrative forward.
Streamline the dialogue to make it more meaningful and impactful, focusing on revealing character motivations and relationships.
Consider removing the time lapse element or using it more sparingly to avoid confusing the audience.
Improve the transition between different locations by establishing a clearer connection or thematic link between the scenes.
Work on refining the humor in the dialogue to make it more organic and in line with the overall tone of the screenplay.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

32 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT - DAY 32

(Post-sex) + (pre-sleep) = (intimate talk)

HARRY
You know something? I’ve always
thought you are the most beautiful
woman I’ve ever seen.

MARION
Really?

HARRY
Since the first time I met you.

MARION
That’s nice, Harry. That really
makes me feel good.

HARRY
Good for your ego, eh?

MARION
Well, I can’t say that it does it
any harm, but that’s not what I mean.
It makes me feel good all over,
like...well, you know lots of people
tell me that and it’s meaningless,
completely meaningless.

HARRY
You mean because you think they’re
putting you on?

MARION
No, no, nothing like that. I don’t
know or care if they are. I guess
maybe they really mean it, but from
them it just doesn’t mean anything
to me. When you say it, I hear it.
You know what I mean? I really hear
it.

HARRY
Someone like you could really make
it alright for me.

MARION
You think?

HARRY
Yeah. I’ve been thinking...

Harry drifts off. Marion’s interest is sparked.

(CONTINUED)
21.

32 CONTINUED: 32

MARION
What?

Harry looks at Marion. A beat. Then he gets the courage.

He jumps out of bed.

HARRY
Here.

He pulls Marion. She laughs:

MARION
What?

CUT TO:

33 INT. MARION’S KITCHEN 33

Harry in a shirt stands over Marion who’s wrapped in a sheet.

They lean over a folder on the kitchen table.

MARION
What is it?

HARRY
You remember when I told you about
the store. Well, I’ve been thinking
about it. I put together some numbers
and it’s not impossible. I think
you can do it. We should do it. We
can do it together.

MARION
How long have you been thinking about
this?

HARRY
Not so long. Since we started hanging
out.

A pause. Marion thinks.

MARION
It’s a great idea.

HARRY
Yeah?

MARION
It is. Let’s do it. Let’s open it
in the city. How do we start?

(CONTINUED)
22.

33 CONTINUED: 33

HARRY
Well, first me and Ty gotta get
money for the piece and then --

MARION
I’ll get it.

HARRY
Nah.

MARION
No, I can.

HARRY
Really? How?

MARION
How do you think? My fucking parents.

A laugh. And then they hug and kiss gently.

Harry pulls his face back a few inches from Marion’s.

HARRY
I think I’m falling in love with
you.

MARION
Think?

TIGHT SHOTS and QUICK CUTS as Harry kisses the tip of Marion’s
nose, then her eyelids, then her cheeks and her soft lips,
her chin, her neck and lastly her ear lobes.

Then he whispers in her ear:

HARRY
Marion, Marion, I love you.

FADE TO BLINDING WHITE -- THEN:

34 INT. SARA’S MAILBOX - DAY 34

We pull out of the white and into Sara’s mailbox. She peeks
in -- empty.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Romance
Tone: Intimate, Hopeful, Reflective, Passionate

Summary Harry and Marion have an intimate conversation post-sex in Marion's apartment. Harry expresses his feelings for Marion and suggests they open a store together. Marion agrees and they plan to get the necessary funds. Harry confesses his love for Marion and they share a tender moment.

Strengths

Intimate dialogue
Authentic emotions
Character development

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited action

General Critique

The scene starts with an intimate conversation between Harry and Marion, which is a pivotal moment in their relationship. However, the dialogue feels a bit cliched and lacks depth. It could benefit from more authentic and unique expressions of love and connection.
The transition from the intimate conversation to the kitchen scene is a bit abrupt and could be smoother. It feels like there is a missing link between the two moments.
The discussion about opening a store together is a significant development in the plot, but the dialogue could be more engaging and dynamic. It feels a bit flat and could use more excitement and passion to convey the characters' aspirations.
The declaration of love from Harry to Marion is a powerful moment, but the buildup to it could be more intense and emotional. The scene could benefit from more tension and anticipation leading up to this confession.
The physical interaction between Harry and Marion at the end of the scene is described in a rushed and somewhat mechanical way. It lacks sensory details and emotional depth, which could enhance the intimacy and connection between the characters.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the dialogue to make it more authentic and unique to the characters. Add depth and complexity to their expressions of love and connection.
Work on creating a smoother transition between the intimate conversation and the kitchen scene to improve the flow of the narrative.
Enhance the dialogue in the kitchen scene to make the discussion about opening a store more engaging and dynamic. Add excitement and passion to convey the characters' aspirations effectively.
Build up the declaration of love from Harry to Marion with more tension and emotional depth. Create a more intense and impactful moment for this confession.
Revise the description of the physical interaction between Harry and Marion to include sensory details and emotional depth. Enhance the intimacy and connection between the characters in this moment.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

35 INT. SARA’S KITCHEN - DAY 35

TIGHT ON kitchen clock ticking normally.

ON Sara’s breakfast -- one hard-boiled egg, half a grapefruit
and a mug of black coffee.

(CONTINUED)
23.

35 CONTINUED: 35

ON the directions in Sara’s diet book.

ON Sara -- blinking at her ’meal’, a sigh.

We watch as she tries to enjoy her breakfast.

After the food is gone she fills a glass of water. As she
sips it, she notices her hand reaching for something --
something more to eat.

TIGHT ON the kitchen clock ticking real slow. Her Timex the
same.

We see her eyes, her lips, her twitching fingers.

A quick glimpse at the fridge. She grabs her stomach and
says to it:

SARA
Stop already.
(then to herself)
You’ll feel better in the red dress
than a cheese danish.

CUT TO:

36 INT. MARION’S BATHROOM 36

Marion throws some cold water on her face. She looks at her
naked body in the mirror. She feels lifeless, drab and dead.

QUICK CUTS: Tinfoil crinkles, powder sprinkles, lighter
flicks, smoke drifts, straw sucks, a pleasure sigh...

Once again, Marion looks in the mirror.

Now she looks alive and glorious. Rays of golden light encase
her body in a gentle glow.

She cups her hands under her breasts and smiles as she turns
and poses, admiring their size and firmness.

’Not bad,’ she thinks.

CUT TO:

37 INT. SARA’S MAILBOX - DAY 37

Nothing.

CUT TO:

38 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 38

Sara tries to watch TV but the fridge beckons her.

(CONTINUED)
24.

38 CONTINUED: 38

TIGHT ON the kitchen clock, slowly, slowly ticking.

The fridge shudders. Frustrated, Sara grabs her folding
chair and heads out.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama
Tone: Melancholic, Reflective, Hopeful

Summary Sara faces temptation and struggles to adhere to her diet. Marion turns to drugs to cope with low self-esteem. Sara's mailbox disappoints, prompting her to abandon hope and seek solace in a walk.

Strengths

Deep character exploration
Emotional depth
Resonant themes

Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Slow pacing in some parts

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with Sara's struggle with her diet and Marion's self-reflection feeling disconnected from each other.
The transition between Sara's kitchen, Marion's bathroom, and Sara's mailbox feels abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the flow of the scene.
There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, with Sara's internal struggle and Marion's self-assessment coming across as superficial.
The visual descriptions of the scene could be more engaging and immersive to help create a stronger connection with the audience.
The pacing of the scene feels slow and monotonous, lacking in tension or conflict to drive the narrative forward.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider integrating Sara and Marion's storylines more effectively to create a cohesive and engaging narrative.
Work on smoother transitions between different locations and characters to improve the flow of the scene.
Add more depth to Sara and Marion's emotional journeys to make their struggles more relatable and impactful.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
Introduce a stronger conflict or tension to drive the scene forward and keep the audience engaged.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

39 EXT. SARA’S BUILDING - DAY 39

The outside of the building is lined with the old Yentas
sitting in beach chairs catching the sun. A few have
reflectors and stare up at the sun.

Sara exits her building and lets the sun hit her hair. Her
friend Rae says something first.

RAE
Ada told us. It’s gorgeous.

SARA
Thank you. We’re making it a little
darker tomorrow.

RAE
So why darker?

SARA
To match my red dress.

RAE
But now it’s looking like Lucille
Ball.

SARA
But I’m not. But soon...I’m on a
diet.

ADA
Yes, she is.

YENTA #1
Cottage cheese and lettuce?

ADA
No.

RAE
What diet you on?

SARA
Eggs and grapefruit.

RAE
Oi vay. I was on that once. Lots
of luck, Dolly.

(CONTINUED)
25.

39 CONTINUED: 39

SARA
It’s not so bad.

RAE
How long you been on already?

SARA
All day.

RAE
All day? It’s one o’clock.

SARA
So, I’m thinking thin.

Now, old Mrs. Scarlini pipes up.

MRS SCARLINI
My Rosie lost fifty pounds like that
almost.

YENTA #1
Like that?

SARA
Like what?

MRS SCARLINI
Poof.

RAE
You put her in a sweat box?

MRS SCARLINI
A doctor. He gave her pills. It
makes you not want to eat.

YENTA #1
So what’s so good about that? You
mean I’m sitting here not thinking
about chopped liver and pastrami on
rye?

MRS SCARLINI
With a slice of onion and mustard.

YENTA #2
Herring.

YENTA #1
Herring?

YENTA #2
Yeah, herring. In sour cream.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
26.

39 CONTINUED: (2) 39

YENTA #2 (CONT'D)
When the sun goes behind the building
I’m having a nosh.

ADA
You shouldn’t talk like that when
someone’s on a diet.

SARA
Eh, big deal. I’ll sneak an extra
piece of lettuce. I’m thinking thin.

RAE
The mailman...

Just then, the Mailman arrives. Sara picks up her chair and
follows him into the building. Ada, Rae and the other Yentas
follow Sara.

SARA
Goldfarb. Goldfarb. I know you
have something for Goldfarb.

MAILMAN
Let’s see. Not much around here
except at the beginning of the month
with the social security checks.

SARA
But I’m expecting something --

MAILMAN
Here we go. Something for Goldfarb,
Sara Goldfarb.

He hands her a thick manila envelope.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Humorous, Reflective, Light-hearted

Summary Sara interacts with the Yentas outside her building, discussing her new hair color, plans for a diet, and struggles with temptations. The Yentas share their opinions and experiences with dieting. The scene ends with the mailman delivering a thick envelope to Sara.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Character interactions
Character development

Weaknesses

Low conflict level
Relatively low emotional impact

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction. It meanders through small talk and banter without driving the story forward or revealing important character insights.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, with characters making random comments that don't add depth or meaning to the scene.
There is a lack of conflict or tension in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging for the audience.
The transition from discussing Sara's diet to the arrival of the Mailman feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow.
The scene could benefit from more meaningful interactions between the characters, revealing their motivations, desires, and conflicts.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a clear objective or goal for Sara in this scene to drive the conversation and interactions.
Focus on developing the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' inner thoughts, emotions, and conflicts.
Introduce a conflict or tension that adds depth to the scene and engages the audience.
Ensure a smoother transition between different topics of conversation to maintain a cohesive flow in the scene.
Look for opportunities to make the interactions between the characters more meaningful and impactful to the overall story.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

40 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 40

The Yentas follow Sara into the apartment. Yenta #2 flips
on the TV, someone else starts a pot of coffee.

ADA
So let’s see.

YENTA #1
Open it, open it.

Sara carefully opens the envelope. She takes out a
questionnaire.

RAE
So when do you go on?

(CONTINUED)
27.

40 CONTINUED: 40

SARA
They decide after you send this form.

ADA
Oh, it’s so exciting.

The other women murmur their excitement, too. Ada takes the
application from Sara and places it on the table.

ADA
OK, OK. You sit, Dolly and just
answer the questions.

Sara, a bit nervous, sits down. Ada gives her a pencil and
leans over her shoulder. The Yentas crowd around.

ADA
Name? Easy enough. S-a-r-a G-o-l-d-
f-a-r-b.

SARA
You call that a question? That kind
I take six at once.

The Yentas laugh as Sara carefully prints her name.

ADA
Address.

SARA
A breeze.

Sara fills out question after question until:

ADA
Uh-oh.

SARA
What? What?

ADA
Date of Birth.

SARA
So now you’re getting personal.
OK, I’ll tell you.

She fills it in.

ADA
Age?

SARA
So now you want me to count for you!

(CONTINUED)
28.

40 CONTINUED: (2) 40

ADA
Marital Status?

SARA
(smiles)
Wanting, needing. How about if I
win Robert Redford?

A big laugh.

ADA
Sex?

A bigger laugh.

SARA
Please?

The biggest.

ADA
That’s it, Dolly.

Sara holds the paper against her chest and says a short
prayer. The Yentas respect her silence.

Then she carefully folds it and places it in the self-
addressed envelope.

She seals it and holds the flap down for many seconds.

Then she puts it on her chair and sits on it, just to make
sure it’s sealed.

Next she tosses her head and shoulders at the refrigerator
and says to it:

SARA
Who needs you?

CUT TO:

41 EXT. SARA’S BUILDING - A MOMENT LATER 41

Sara marches out of the building waving the envelope. The
Yentas follow their friend. Victorious, they march to the
mailbox.

YENTA #1
I wonder when you’ll hear?

ADA
Maybe they’ll send you to Tavern on
the Green, that’s where they send
all the stars.

(CONTINUED)
29.

41 CONTINUED: 41

SARA
I’m eating eggs and grapefruit at
Tavern on the Green.

The ladies laugh as they follow their hero, their savior,
their victor. Suddenly, the envelope begins to glow. It
glows a brilliant white.

At the mailbox Sara kisses the envelope and drops it in the
mail slot. She closes the lid and then opens it to make
sure it has dropped into the box.

And then the ladies huddle around Sara as the blue mailbox
begins to radiate and bathe them in a cool blue light. The
Yentas ’ooooh’ and ’ahhh’.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Excitement, Humor, Nostalgia

Summary Sara and her friends gather to fill out an application for a game show. Sara nervously completes the form, guided by her supportive friends. With excitement and anticipation, they send off the application, filled with hope for Sara's success.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Humor
Community support

Weaknesses

Lack of significant plot progression

General Critique

The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, especially considering the weight of Sara's dreams and struggles throughout the script.
The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks authenticity, especially in the interactions between Sara and the Yentas.
The pacing of the scene is a bit slow and could benefit from more dynamic elements to keep the audience engaged.
There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Sara's inner thoughts and emotions as she fills out the questionnaire.
The humor in the scene feels a bit cliched and could be more nuanced to add depth to the characters and their interactions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more layers to Sara's character by exploring her fears, hopes, and insecurities as she fills out the questionnaire.
Work on making the dialogue more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
Introduce more visual elements or actions to enhance the scene and create a more engaging visual experience for the audience.
Focus on building tension and emotional depth to create a more impactful and memorable scene.
Consider adding a twist or unexpected turn of events to keep the audience intrigued and invested in Sara's journey.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

42 INT. TYRONE’S DIVE PAD 42

Tyrone is on the phone with Brody’s Henchman. Harry sits at
the table counting twenties into a small, neat pile.

TYRONE
Dynamite? Dynamite. Dynamite!
Alright, we’s on the way.

Tyrone hangs up.

TYRONE
Brody’s man says it’s real fine shit.

HARRY
Alright. Here we go.

TYRONE
Here we go.

HARRY
(serious)
Let’s do this right.

TYRONE
Naturally.

Tyrone takes the money and slaps Harry five. Exit Tyrone.

Harry spins some vinyl, rolls a joint, sparks it and takes a
few pokes. He starts grooving with the music as his
nervousness dissolves.

Then something is off and Harry feels it. He stops the
turntable.

(CONTINUED)
30.

42 CONTINUED: 42

Suddenly, it’s a sunny day in Tyrone’s bedroom. The back
wall is gone and stretching into the sea is --

43 THE CONEY ISLAND PIER 43

Now, strolling with a baby carriage is a woman in a red dress.
It’s Marion.

Harry watches her from Tyrone’s apartment.

He calls for her but she keeps going. He chases after her.

He’s trying to get a glimpse into the carriage. Finally,
Marion hears him and she spins around. She smiles and waves.

She reaches into the carriage to pick something up. Harry
is almost with her. He keeps running.

And just as he’s about to get a peek, he stops. He hears a
key in a lock.

He spins round and we --

CUT BACK TO:

44 INT. TYRONE’S DIVE PAD - NOW 44

Tyrone enters the room with a big-ass, shit-eatin’ grin on
his face.

He drops a little package on the table.

TYRONE
There it is, Jim.

HARRY
Huh?

TYRONE
There it is.

Harry snaps out of it and he looks at the package.

TYRONE
Shall we try?

HARRY
Wait, Ty. This is our chance to
make it big and I mean really big.
We don’t have to be dealin’ in no
petty-ass pieces all our lives. We
play it right an’ we can get a pound
of pure, but if we get wasted we’ll
fuck it up.

(CONTINUED)
31.

44 CONTINUED: 44

TYRONE
Right, on, baby, ahm not jivin’ you.
Ah doan’ want to be runnin’ no streets
the res’ of mah life in no ripped
sneakers, mah nose runnin’ down to
mah chin. All we gotta do is have a
little taste so we know how much to
cut it.

HARRY
Fair enough.

Palms slap, then: flick, sizzle, snap, suck, slap, rush,
sigh...

And: flick, sizzle, snap, suck, slap, rush, sigh...

Tyrone and Harry look at each other with flush faces and
hanging heads.

They grin at each other.

TYRONE
Sheeit...

Then they laugh and laugh and laugh.

CUT TO:

45 EXT. BOARDWALK - DAY 45

Marion sits in front of the Wonder Wheel watching the summer
crowd play.

She unpacks the shopping bag next to her. She pulls out
some sketch pads, pencils, charcoal and a sharpener.

She stares at the blank page. A moment later, she begins to
sketch.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Dark, Hopeful, Melancholic

Summary Tyrone and Harry prepare to leave Tyrone's Dive Pad after confirming the quality of the dynamite with Brody's Henchman. Harry experiences a moment of unease and sees a vision of Marion on Coney Island, but Tyrone's return with a package and their subsequent indulgence in the dynamite lead them to a state of euphoria.

Strengths

Strong character development
Emotional depth
Engaging plot progression

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful
Transition between scenes could be smoother

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from Tyrone's excitement about the dynamite to Harry's sudden vision of Marion on the Coney Island Pier, which may confuse the audience.
The shift in tone from the serious discussion about making it big with the dynamite to the surreal vision of Marion strolling with a baby carriage feels disjointed.
The scene lacks a clear connection between Harry's drug-induced vision and the actual events happening in Tyrone's dive pad, making it feel out of place.
The dialogue between Harry and Tyrone about making it big with the dynamite could be more impactful and engaging to heighten the tension and stakes of the scene.
The transition back to reality with Tyrone entering the room and dropping the package feels rushed and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider establishing a smoother transition between the discussion about the dynamite and Harry's vision to make the scene more cohesive.
Clarify the purpose and significance of Harry's vision of Marion on the Coney Island Pier to tie it back to the main storyline and character arcs.
Enhance the dialogue between Harry and Tyrone to build tension and emphasize the high stakes of their decision to use the dynamite.
Explore ways to integrate Harry's drug-induced state with the reality of the situation in Tyrone's dive pad to create a more seamless narrative flow.
Work on the pacing of the scene to ensure a more gradual build-up of tension and a clearer progression of events.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

46 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 46

Sara sits in her chair trying to watch TV.

But she can’t concentrate. The kitchen clock ticks terribly
slowly. So does her Timex.

Everywhere she looks in the room steaming hot food appears.

Over there, by her plants, is a bacon doublecheese burger.

Then over there, by the lamp, is a chocolate-covered eclair.

(CONTINUED)
32.

46 CONTINUED: 46

She grabs a glass of water and downs it.

She turns to the fridge. It shudders at her. She screams
at it:

SARA
Shut up!

Suddenly the fridge door becomes transparent. She can see
all the produce in her stuffed fridge beckoning her.

She turns away and goes into --

47 THE BEDROOM 47

She flips off the light and tries to sleep.

She closes her eyes but they pop open. Then slowly her beige
ceiling disappears and turns into a clear blue sky with puffy,
white clouds. Then it dissolves into a sizzling, juicy pizza-
pie.

Sara twists and turns. Then the pie turns into a chocolate-
covered cherry. Then it becomes a bagel smothered with lox,
onions and crowned with a healthy slice of tomato.

There’s no hope. Sara sits up in her bed and reaches for
the phone. She dials.

MRS SCARLINI
(off-screen)
Hello?

SARA
Louise, it’s Sara. I need the number
of that doctor.

CUT TO:

48 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 48

on Harry looking hollow.

HARRY
Why do you have to see him for krist’s
sake? Cut the son of a bitch loose.

Marion is dressing herself up in front of the mirror. She
looks like a million bucks in a chic black dress. She
carefully applies her lipstick.

MARION
I don’t want him mentioning to my
parents that I have stopped therapy.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
33.

48 CONTINUED: 48

MARION (CONT'D)
They’re already pissed at me and
they’re thinking of cutting me off.

Marion turns and touches Harry’s face tenderly.

MARION
Sweetheart, I am not going to sleep
with him. He’s got some issue with
womanly blood so I told him I’m on
the rag. He’s planning on going
home after the concert.

Harry tries not to sulk, but his chin dips. Then Marion
chuckles but Harry doesn’t respond. Suddenly, she hugs him
and squeals with absolute glee.

MARION
Oh Harry, you’re jealous!

Harry half-heartedly tries to push her away but Marion doesn’t
let him.

MARION
Come on, sweetheart, put your arms
around me, come on, please!?
Please!?

She lifts his hands and puts them on her shoulders as she
snuggles deeper into him. Then she starts kissing him on
the ears, eyelids and neck and soon he starts to giggle.

HARRY
Come on, stop, stop you crazy girl
or I’ll bite you on the throat.

They laugh as they tickle each other and cover each other in
kisses.

CUT TO:

49 INT. RAOUL’S CAFE - NIGHT 49

A fancy French pretension -- two plates of frogs’ legs, two
glasses of Cinzano with twists, and a stunning Marion with a
dumpy Arnold the Shrink.

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
I’m disappointed that you are
indisposed.

MARION
Is Anita out of town or something?

(CONTINUED)
34.

49 CONTINUED: 49

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
Why do you ask?

MARION
I’m just curious if she’s
’indisposed’.

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
(taken aback)
Marion. No she’s fine.

MARION
Can I ask you something personal,
Arnold?

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
What is it?

Arnold leans in. Then she fucks with him. She tells him
he’s got something on his face when he doesn’t. She tortures
him until all she can do is laugh.

CUT TO:

50 EXT. PROJECTS - NIGHT 50

Sodium streetlight pops as Tyrone cold lamps by a beat-up
bodega.

A black hand slaps Tyrone money. The money slides into his
pocket. Tyrone’s eyes swish left then right. He slips
something out from behind the tire of a parked car. And
slaps a bag of white powder back.

Pop, slap, slide, swish, slip, slap! Again. And again.

And again.

CUT TO:

51 EXT. OTHER SIDE OF THE PROJECTS - NIGHT 51

Neon crackle as Harry chills outside an OTB.

A white hand slaps Harry money. The money slips into his
pocket. Harry’s eyes swish right then left. He clinks
something out of a trash can. And he slaps a bag of white
powder back.

Crackle, slap, slip, swish, clink, slap! Again. And again.

And again.

CUT TO:
35.

Genres: Drama, Romance, Crime
Tone: Tense, Intimate, Playful, Deceptive

Summary Sara grapples with an eating disorder, facing irresistible food temptations that materialize in her apartment. Despite distractions, she succumbs and seeks help. Meanwhile, Marion prepares for a date with Arnold, teasing him playfully. In another setting, Tyrone and Harry engage in drug dealing.

Strengths

Complex characters
Engaging dialogue
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some scenes may feel disconnected due to the multiple storylines

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear connection between Sara's struggle with temptation and Marion's interaction with Arnold the Shrink.
The transition between Sara's kitchen and bedroom is abrupt and could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
The visual imagery of food appearing around Sara is effective in conveying her temptation, but could be further developed to create a stronger impact.
The dialogue between Sara and Mrs. Scarlini feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and could be more integrated into Sara's internal struggle.
The shift to Marion's apartment and her conversation with Harry feels disjointed from Sara's storyline and could be better connected to create a more cohesive narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider establishing a clearer thematic link between Sara's temptation and Marion's interactions to create a more cohesive scene.
Smooth out the transition between Sara's kitchen and bedroom to improve the flow of the scene.
Enhance the visual imagery of food appearing around Sara to heighten the impact of her temptation.
Integrate the dialogue between Sara and Mrs. Scarlini more effectively into Sara's internal struggle to create a more cohesive narrative.
Better connect Marion's conversation with Harry to Sara's storyline to create a more seamless transition between the two characters.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

52 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT - LATER 52

Harry spins Marion around.

HARRY
We’re on our way, baby, we’re really
on our way.

MARION
Harry.

HARRY
It was great out there. Everyone’s
thirsty.

MARION
I’m so glad. And baby, I’m drawing
again. I’m drawing. I can’t stop.

Marion takes out her sketchbook. She shows him her sketches.

Harry and Marion lean into each other, suddenly hugging each
other, kissing, dreaming and believing.

CUT TO:

53 INT. DOCTOR PILL’S EXAMINING ROOM 53

A Skinny Nurse weight and measures Sara

SKINNY NURSE
How are you?

SARA
Fine, that’s why I’m here.

They both laugh. The Nurse takes Sara’s blood pressure.

SKINNY NURSE
How’s your hearing and vision?

SARA
I have both.

The Nurse laughs again.

SKINNY NURSE
Now, wait just a minute.

The nurse smiles and leaves.

A moment later, Doctor Pill enters. He looks at the chart
the Nurse filled out and then he smiles at Sara.

(CONTINUED)
36.

53 CONTINUED: 53

DOCTOR PILL
I see you’re a little overweight.

SARA
A little? I have fifty pounds I’m
willing to donate.

DOCTOR PILL
We can take care of that, no problem.

CUT TO:

54 HIP-HOP MINI-MONTAGE 54

TIGHTS of dope being cut, plastic bags being filled, Tyrone
and Harry dealing, Marion sketching and sewing, Harry and
Marion kissing, Harry spinning tunes, flick, sizzle, snap,
suck, slap, rush, sigh and crinkle, sprinkle, flick, drift,
suck, sigh...

CUT TO:

55 INT. TYRONE’S CLOSET 55

Harry and Tyrone neatly stuff a shoe box full of money.

They put a rubber band around the box and hide it in the
back of the closet.

Harry gives Tyrone five, Tyrone gives Harry five.

CUT TO:

56 INT. EMPTY STORE - DAY 56

In photographs, a straight Real Estate Agent shows Harry and
Marion around the empty store.

57 OUTSIDE 57

The Agent snaps a photo of the lovers in front of the store.

CUT TO:

58 INT. SARA’S KITCHEN 58

On the table in front of her are four bottles of pills and
the instructions.

SARA
Purple in the morning. Red in the
afternoon. Orange in the evening.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
37.

58 CONTINUED: 58

SARA (CONT'D)
(to the refrigerator)
That’s my three meals, Mr Smarty
Pants.
(then to herself)
Green at night. Just like that.
One, two, three, four...

She pops a purple: a pill cap pops off, pill hits hand, mouth
gulps, pill cap snaps on.

Then she heads to the fridge and makes herself a smoked fish
and cream cheese sandwich on an onion Kaiser roll.

She shows off to the fridge as she devours it.

Then she makes a cup of coffee: an empty pot tinkles into
place, the coffee perks, the coffee drips, and then Sara
slurps, slurps, slurps.

She picks up the remote and flips on the set but she can’t
seem to sit down, so she heads outside with her chair.

CUT TO:

59 INT. SARA’S MAILBOX - DAY 59

She peeks in for anything -- nothing.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Hopeful, Playful, Reflective

Summary Amidst shared dreams and successes, Harry and Marion envision their future. Sara manages her weight with prescribed pills and finds solace in daily rituals.

Strengths

Strong character development
Engaging dialogue
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some scenes may feel disconnected from the main plot

General Critique

The transition from Harry and Marion celebrating their success to Sara undergoing a medical exam feels abrupt and disjointed.
The dialogue between Sara and the Skinny Nurse lacks depth and feels superficial, missing an opportunity to delve into Sara's emotional state and struggles.
The hip-hop mini-montage feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and lacks a clear purpose or narrative cohesion.
The scene in Tyrone's closet where they hide a shoebox full of money feels rushed and lacks emotional depth or tension.
The introduction of the empty store and the real estate agent taking photos of Harry and Marion feels out of place and doesn't add to the overall narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider smoothing out the transition between the different storylines to create a more cohesive flow.
Add more depth to the dialogue between Sara and the Skinny Nurse to explore Sara's emotional journey and struggles with her weight.
Reevaluate the purpose of the hip-hop mini-montage and ensure it serves the overall narrative of the screenplay.
Enhance the emotional impact of the scene in Tyrone's closet by adding tension or conflict to the moment of hiding the money.
Reconsider the introduction of the empty store and real estate agent to ensure it aligns with the overall tone and themes of the screenplay.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

60 INT. CONEY ISLAND ARCADE 60

Marion and Harry play skeeball. Marion hits a fifty and
smiles. Harry stops playing.

HARRY
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

MARION
Huh?

HARRY
For my mom. I’ve been thinking of
getting something for her, you know,
some kind of present, but I didn’t
know what to get.

MARION
Well?

HARRY
I finally asked myself, what’s her
fix? Television, right?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
38.

60 CONTINUED: 60

HARRY (CONT'D)
If ever there’s a TV junkie it’s the
old lady. I figure maybe I owe her
a new one anyway with all the wear
and tear her set got from being
schlepped back and forth to old Abe’s.

MARION
You really love her, don’t you?

HARRY
I don’t know. I guess so. One time
I feel one way and the other time I
feel something else. Most of the
time I just want her to be happy.

MARION
Let’s go get it now.

HARRY
Well...

MARION
C’mon.

HARRY
I don’t wanna deal with salesman...

MARION
Oh, come on.

HARRY
(gets an idea)
Well, let’s push off first.

MARION
It’s still early. We shouldn’t get
going till tonight.

HARRY
Yeah, I know, but this is different.
After all, I was always usin’ the
old lady’s set to cop money so now
we’ll use a little stuff to get her
a set.

Marion doesn’t fight him.

Then there’s the: flick, sizzle, snap, suck, slap, rush,
sigh...

And: crinkle, sprinkle, flick, drift, suck, sigh...

CUT TO:
39.

61 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 61

Coffee: tinkle, perk, drip, slurp, slurp, slurp... and Pill:
pop, hit, gulp, snap...

Sara starts to clean the apartment.

Time races by as she intricately cleans every single square
inch of the kitchen. She cleans the inside of the fridge
and dumps all the food.

Next, she moves into the living room and continues to clean.

Then everything slows down.

Sara collapses into her viewing chair in front of the TV.

She tries to watch but she’s squirming in her seat.

Then she notices something wrong. She’s not sure what so
she heads into --

62 THE BATHROOM 62

In the mirror, she stares at her clenched teeth grinding.

She wonders what this means. She shrugs and takes the green
pill: pop, hit, gulp, snap...

63 BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM 63

-- Sara sits in front of the TV and watches Tappy Tibbons
preach. Slowly she dozes off.

CUT TO:

64 INT. TYRONE’S DIVE PAD 64

Tyrone’s old pad has been spruced up. It’s filled with tons
of cool toys. It looks like Christmas morning.

Beautiful and very young Alice lies naked in the giant bed
staring at Tyrone.

He sits naked at his desk playing with flip books. First
there’s a wacky duck dancing, then there’s a crying GI
soldier.

ALICE
Why dontcha come back to bed, honey?

TYRONE
Sheeit, plenty time for that, woman,
I got me a cool-ass toy ahm groovin’
behind.

(CONTINUED)
40.

64 CONTINUED: 64

Tyrone picks up another flip book and lets things rip. The
animation suddenly turns into live action and we are following
the back of a little boy.

The boy runs across a black room into the arms of a beautiful
woman.

The boy is Young Tyrone and the woman is Tyrone’s Mother.

YOUNG TYRONE
I told ya, Ma. One day I’d make it.

TYRONE’S MOTHER
You don’t have to make anything.
You just gotta love your momma.

The image of boy and mother dies when the flip book ends.

Tyrone looks at it sadly.

ALICE
What are you doing, honey?

TYRONE
Thinking about you, baby, and what
I’m gonna do to ya.

Tyrone leaps onto the bed and Alice squeals playfully.

ALICE
Don’t do that, Tyrone. You’ll scare
me to death.

TYRONE
Oh little momma, I wouldn’t want to
scare you...I doan’ want to scare
nobody. All I want from life is no
hassles and some peace and
harmony...an’ I want it from the
finest fox that ever lived.

CUT TO:

65 INT. SARA’S MAILBOX - DAY 65

Still empty...

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Romance, Crime
Tone: Intimate, Reflective, Nostalgic, Playful

Summary Marion and Harry discuss buying a new television as a present for Harry's mother during a day at Coney Island Arcade. While Harry initially hesitates due to a desire to avoid dealing with salesmen, Marion persuades him to purchase the television using stolen goods. They agree to postpone their departure and carry out their plan.

Strengths

Complex characters
Emotional depth
Natural dialogue
Exploration of themes

Weaknesses

Some scenes may feel disconnected or disjointed

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with the dialogue feeling disjointed and lacking in depth.
The transition between Marion and Harry playing skeeball and Sara cleaning her apartment is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly.
The visual descriptions are lacking in detail and fail to create a vivid picture for the reader.
The character interactions feel superficial and don't delve into the emotional depth of the relationships.
The pacing of the scene is inconsistent, with moments of slow cleaning juxtaposed with rapid dialogue.
There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more depth to the dialogue to reveal the characters' true feelings and motivations.
Work on creating a smoother transition between different locations and actions to improve the flow of the scene.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and engaging reading experience.
Focus on developing the emotional dynamics between the characters to add depth and complexity to their interactions.
Adjust the pacing of the scene to create a more consistent and engaging rhythm.
Introduce a clear conflict or tension to drive the scene forward and keep the reader invested.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

66 INT. SARA’S BUILDING - DAY 66

Pop, hit, gulp, snap and tinkle, perk, drip, slurp, slurp,
slurp...

(CONTINUED)
41.

66 CONTINUED: 66

The Yentas all rise when Sara comes out and they move their
chairs so that she can have her proper seat in the sun.

YENTA #1
Sara, you know yet when?

YENTA #2
Are you hearing anything?

SARA
Nothing yet.

ADA
You can bring friends?

SARA
How should I know?

ADA
They should let you bring at least a
schlepper. Who’s going to carry
home all those prizes?

SARA
Believe me, I’ll get them home.

Especially Robert Redford. For him I don’t need a schlepper.

But Sara is having a hard time sitting still. She looks up
and down the street for the Mailman and paces around her
friends.

They watch her with a bit of concern. Then Mrs Scarlini
comes out of the building for sunning. Sara grabs her and
hugs her.

SARA
I love you forever. I can’t believe
it but I’m not even thinking of food.
If you put down a big bowl of chicken
noodle soup I wouldn’t eat it. Thank
you so much, Rosie. Thank you!

CUT TO:

67 INT. TYRONE’S NEW PAD 67

Alice and Tyrone make some crazy love. Arms flail, teeth
bite, mouths scream. Some crazy love.

CUT TO:

68 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 68

Sara stands in front of the mirror trying on the red dress.

(CONTINUED)
42.

68 CONTINUED: 68

The dress won’t close.

Pop, hit, glup, snap...

The red dress gets a little closer.

Pop, hit, glup, snap...

The dress gets even closer.

CUT TO:

69 INT. TAXI CAB - MOVING 69

Harry squirms in the back seat wearing a sharp new pair of
slacks, a sports shirt and a pair of new shoes.

He nervously pats down his hair and adjusts his collar.

CUT TO:

70 EXT. SARA’S BUILDING 70

The Yentas all admire Sara’s slim figure until the Mailman
approaches. Everyone turns to him--hoping...

He grins and shakes his head.

MAILMAN
When I see it I’ll be waving it all
over the place.

The Mailman enters the building.

A cab pulls up. Harry steps out. He stares at the
intimidating line of Yentas.

Sara stares for a brief second not computing this apparition.

Then she jumps up and wraps her arms around him, almost
knocking him off balance.

SARA
Harry!

She kisses him and he kisses her. She’s so excited she kisses
him again.

HARRY
Hey, take it easy, Ma, you’ll crush
me.

He gives her a quick smile as he adjusts his clothes.

(CONTINUED)
43.

70 CONTINUED: 70

SARA
Come, come inside, Harry. I’ll make
you a pot of coffee and we’ll have a
visit.

She grabs his hand and heads to the entrance.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Excitement, Anticipation, Nervousness, Joy

Summary Sara eagerly waits for news while surrounded by her friends, the Yentas, who try to comfort her. Meanwhile, Tyrone and Alice engage in passionate lovemaking, and Harry nervously prepares for a visit to Sara. The scene is filled with anxiety, anticipation, and excitement, culminating in Sara's relief and joy when Harry finally arrives.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Minimal conflict
Limited external stakes

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with multiple disjointed elements that don't contribute to the overall story.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity in the interactions between the characters.
There is a lack of emotional depth and connection between the characters, making it difficult for the audience to empathize or engage with the scene.
The pacing of the scene is inconsistent, with abrupt shifts between different locations and storylines that disrupt the flow of the narrative.
The visual descriptions are vague and do not effectively convey the mood or atmosphere of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a clear objective or conflict for the scene to drive the character interactions and dialogue.
Work on creating more authentic and meaningful dialogue that reveals character motivations and emotions.
Build stronger connections between the characters to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
Streamline the scene by eliminating unnecessary elements and focusing on the core storyline.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

71 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 71

Sara makes a pot of coffee as she bustles around grabbing
cups, saucers, spoons, milk and napkins.

Harry stares wide-eyed at his hyperactive mother. He tries
to get a word in but can’t.

SARA
And how are you, Harry, you’re looking
so good. You want something to eat?

HARRY
No, Ma --

SARA
A little nosh, maybe, or cake, I’ll
go get some if you want, but I don’t
have anything in the house but Ada
will have something, a cupcake, maybe.

HARRY
No --

Finally, the coffee is ready and she fills two cups.

SARA
You want something to eat?

HARRY
(almost screams)
No, Ma. Nothing. Sit. Sit, for
krist’s sake. You’re making me dizzy.

SARA
You notice something? You notice
I’m slimmer?

HARRY
Yeah, yeah, I guess you are, Mom.

SARA
Twenty-five pounds. You believe it?
Twenty-five pounds and that’s just
the beginning.

(CONTINUED)
44.

71 CONTINUED: 71

HARRY
That’s great, Ma. That’s really
great, I’m really happy for ya.
But sit down, eh?

Sara sits, Harry is bewildered.

HARRY
I’m sorry I haven’t been around for
awhile, Ma, but I’ve been busy, real
busy.

Sara nods as she clenches her jaw.

SARA
You got yourself a good job?
You’re doing well?

HARRY
Yeah, Ma, real good.

SARA
What kind of business?

HARRY
Well, I’m sort of a distributor,
like. For a big importer. My own.

SARA
Oh, I’m so happy for you.

Sara gets up and smothers Harry with kisses.

HARRY
Hey, Ma, easy, eh? You’re killing
me. Krist, whatta ya been doin’,
liftin’ weights?

SARA
Your own business. Oh Harry, I knew
when I saw you that you had your own
business. I always knew that you
could do that.

HARRY
(smiles)
Yeah, Ma, you were right. I made it
just like you said I would.

SARA
So now maybe you’ll meet a nice girl
and have a baby?

HARRY
I already met one --

(CONTINUED)
45.

71 CONTINUED: (2) 71

Sara squeals and squeaks and starts to jump out of her chair.

Harry holds his arms up in front of him.

HARRY
Jesus krist, Ma, don’t go ape shit,
eh?

SARA
Is she a nice girl? Who’s her
parents? What --

HARRY
You know’er, Ma. Marion. Marion
Silver. Remember, they --

SARA
Oh, Silver. Of course. I know
Manhattan Beach. He’s got a house
on the esplanade. Garment business.

HARRY
Yeah, yeah, he’s big in women’s
undies.

Harry chuckles. Sara is so happy, she can’t stay sitting.

She refills their cups.

HARRY
Before you go bouncin’ all over again
and make me forget, what I want to
tell ya is I got you a present and --

SARA
Harry, I don’t want a present, just
have a baby.

HARRY
Later for that, eh? Will you let me
tell you what I got, eh? Will ya?

Sara nods, grins, grinds and clenches.

HARRY
Krist, you’re really something else
today. Look, I know... well...
(deep breath)
What I’m trying to say is
that...well...
(shrugs)
Well...I know I ain’t been the best
son in the world --

(CONTINUED)
46.

71 CONTINUED: (3) 71

SARA
Oh, Harry, you’re a good --

HARRY
No, no! Please, Ma, let me finish.
I’ll never get it out if you keep
interrupting me.
(deep breath)
I’m sorry for being such a bastard.
(stop -- breathe --
sigh)
I wanna make it up. I mean, I know
I can’t change anything that’s
happened, but I want ya to know that
I’m sorry and I love ya, and I wanna
make it right.

SARA
Harry, it’s --

Genres: Drama
Tone: Emotional, Reflective, Tender

Summary Sara makes coffee and offers food to Harry, who declines. Sara talks about her weight loss and asks about Harry's job. Harry reveals he has his own business and is dating Marion Silver. Sara is ecstatic and Harry apologizes for past behavior, expressing his love and desire to make things right. The emotional tone of the scene is warm and heartfelt, with moments of humor and affection between Sara and Harry. The conflict of Harry's guilt and desire to make amends for past behavior towards his mother is resolved as Harry apologizes and expresses his love for Sara.

Strengths

Authentic dialogue
Emotional depth
Character development

Weaknesses

Limited plot progression
Low external conflict

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, with dialogue that feels disjointed and repetitive.
The interaction between Sara and Harry feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and emotional authenticity.
The pacing of the scene is slow and meandering, with unnecessary details and dialogue that do not contribute to the overall story.
The dialogue feels stilted and overly expository, with characters stating their feelings and intentions rather than showing them through actions and interactions.
There is a lack of subtext and nuance in the conversation between Sara and Harry, making the scene feel flat and one-dimensional.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on creating a more dynamic and engaging interaction between Sara and Harry by adding layers of emotion and conflict.
Streamline the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, focusing on revealing character motivations and relationships.
Consider adding more subtext and non-verbal communication to convey the underlying tensions and emotions between Sara and Harry.
Introduce more visual elements and actions to break up the dialogue and create a more visually engaging scene.
Revisit the purpose of the scene and ensure that every line of dialogue and action serves to advance the plot or develop the characters.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

HARRY
I don’t know why I do those things.
I don’t really want to do them. It
just sort’ve happens, I guess. I
don’t know. It’s all kinda goofy
somehow, but I really do love ya,
Ma, and I want you to be happy so I
got ya a brand new TV set. It’s
gonna be delivered in a couple a
days. From Macy’s.

Sara squeals, but Harry wards her off with his hands. She
sits down, grins and grinds her teeth.

SARA
Oh, Harry, you’re such a good boy.
Your father would be so happy to see
what you’re doing for your poor,
lonely mother.

Harry leans over and gives her an honest, open and perfectly
beautiful kiss.

SARA
You see that, Seymour? You see how
good your son is? He knows how lonely
his mother is living all alone, no
one to make her a visit...

Harry feels pretty good as he listens to his mother until
something puzzles him. He stops hearing his mother and now
he suddenly hears some other, strange sound. What is it?

He looks around until he looks at his mother. Suddenly he
is filled with surprise, disbelief and confusion.

(CONTINUED)
47.

71 CONTINUED: (4) 71

The noise he hears is his mother’s teeth grinding.

TIGHT ON Sara’s mouth. Harry leans across the table.

HARRY
Hey, Ma, you droppin’ uppers?

SARA
What?

HARRY
You on uppers?
(getting angry)
You’re on diet pills, ain’t ya?

Sara is suddenly stunned. She’s completely bewildered.

SARA
On? On? What is on?

HARRY
How come ya lost so much weight?

SARA
I told you, I’m going to a specialist.

HARRY
A specialist. What kinda specialist?

SARA
What kind? A specialist. For weight.

HARRY
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
You’re makin’ a croaker for speed,
ain’t ya?

SARA
Harry, you alright?
(shrugs)
I’m just going to a doctor. I
don’t know from croaker, making --

HARRY
What does he give ya, Ma? Eh?
Does he give ya pills?

SARA
Of course he gives me pills. He’s a
doctor. Doctors give pills.

HARRY
What kind of pills?

(CONTINUED)
48.

71 CONTINUED: (5) 71

SARA
What kind. A purple one, red one,
orange and --

HARRY
No, no, I mean what kind?

SARA
They’re round...and flat.

HARRY
(rolls eyes)
I mean, like what’s in them?

SARA
Harry, I’m Sara Goldfarb, not Albert
Einstein. How should I know what’s
in them?

HARRY
Look, Ma, does that stuff make you
feel good sort of and give you lots
of pep?

SARA
(nods)
Well, I guess maybe a little.

HARRY
A little? Jesus, I can hear ya
grinding ya teeth from here.

SARA
But that goes away at night.

HARRY
At night?

SARA
When I take the green one. In thirty
minutes I’m asleep. Poof, just like
that.

Harry shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

HARRY
Hey, Ma, ya gotta cut that stuff
loose. It’s no good.

SARA
Who said it’s no good? Twenty-five
pounds I lost.

(CONTINUED)
49.

71 CONTINUED: (6) 71

HARRY
Big deal. Do ya wanna be a dope
fiend fa krist’s sake?

SARA
What’s this dope fiend? Am I foaming
at the mouth? He’s a nice doctor.

HARRY
Ma, I’m telling ya this croaker’s no
good.

SARA
How come you know so much? How come
you know more about medicine than a
doctor?

HARRY
(deep sigh)
I know, Ma, believe me, I know.
You’ll get strung out fa krist’s
sake.

SARA
C’mon. I almost fit in my red dress,
the one I wore at your high school
graduation. The one your father
liked so much. I remember how he
looked at me in the red dress. It’s
not long after that he got sick and
died and you’re without a father, my
poor baby, but thank God he saw you
happy for a little and --

HARRY
What’s with the red dress? What
does that --

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Emotional, Confrontational

Summary During a tense dinner, Harry expresses concern over Sara's possible diet pill use. Sara denies the claim, stating she has been seeing a weight specialist. Harry is unconvinced, worried about her health and potential addiction.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Intense dialogue

Weaknesses

Repetitive dialogue
Lack of external action

General Critique

The scene lacks subtlety in addressing the issue of Sara's potential addiction to diet pills. The dialogue is very on-the-nose and could benefit from more nuance and depth.
The interaction between Harry and Sara feels a bit forced and melodramatic, lacking a natural flow in the conversation.
The scene could explore the emotional complexity of Sara's situation more effectively, delving into her motivations and fears surrounding her weight loss journey.
The dialogue could be more realistic and reflective of how a real conversation between a concerned son and his mother might unfold in such a sensitive situation.
The scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions to enhance the emotional impact and provide a deeper insight into the characters' feelings.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding layers to the conversation by incorporating subtext and underlying emotions that drive the characters' words and actions.
Focus on creating a more organic and authentic interaction between Harry and Sara, allowing the dialogue to flow naturally and reflect the complexity of their relationship.
Explore Sara's internal struggles and conflicting emotions regarding her weight loss journey, adding depth to her character and motivations.
Revise the dialogue to sound more realistic and nuanced, capturing the nuances of a sensitive conversation between a son and his mother.
Introduce visual elements or actions that enhance the emotional depth of the scene and provide insight into the characters' inner turmoil.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

SARA
I’m going to wear the red dress
on...Oh, you don’t know. I’m going
to be on television. I got a call
and an application and --

HARRY
C’mon, Ma, who’s pullin’ ya leg?

SARA
I’m telling you I’m being a contestant
on television. They haven’t told me
when, but you’ll see, you’ll be proud
when you see your mother in her red
dress and golden shoes on television.

(CONTINUED)
50.

71 CONTINUED: (7) 71

HARRY
What’s the big deal about being on
television? Those pills’ll kill ya
before ya ever get on, fa krist’s
sake.

SARA
Big deal? You drove up in a cab.
You see who had the sun seat? You
notice your mother in the special
spot getting the sun? You know who
everybody talks to? You know who’s
somebody now? Who’s no longer just
a widow in a little apartment who
lives alone? I’m somebody now, Harry.
Everyone likes me. Soon millions of
people will see me and like me.
I’ll tell them about you and your
father. I’ll tell them how your
father liked the red dress and how
good he was to us. Remember?

Harry nods. Defeated, he stares at the floor.

SARA
And who knows what I might win? A
new refrigerator. A Rolls-Royce,
maybe. Robert Redford.

HARRY
Robert Redford?

SARA
So what’s wrong with Robert Redford?

Harry blinks and shakes his head. Bewildered, he surrenders
to her flow.

Sara looks at her entire family and a softness overtakes
her.

SARA
It’s not the prizes, Harry. It
doesn’t make any difference if I win
or lose. It’s like a reason to get
up in the morning. It’s a reason to
lose weight so I can be healthy.
It’s a reason to fit in the red dress.
It’s a reason to smile, already. It
makes tomorrow alright.
(close to Harry now)
What have I got, Harry? Why should
I even make the bed or wash the
dishes?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
51.

71 CONTINUED: (8) 71

SARA (CONT'D)
I do them, but why should I? I’m
alone. Seymour’s gone, you’re gone,
I have no one to take care of.
Anybody. Everybody. What do I have?
I’m lonely, Harry. I’m old.

Harry fidgets, his eyes blink, he tries:

HARRY
You got friends, Ma. What --

SARA
It’s not the same. You need someone
to make for. No, Harry, I like how
I feel this way. I like thinking
about the red dress and the
television...and your father and
you. Now when I get the sun I smile.

HARRY
I’ll come visit, Ma. Now that I’m
straight, my business is going good,
I’ll come. Me and Marion. Honest,
Ma. I swear. We’ll come for dinner.
Soon.

Sara shakes her head and smiles at Harry, trying hard to
believe.

SARA
Good, you bring her and I’ll make
your soup and a roast.

HARRY
That sounds great, Ma. I’ll give
you a call ahead a time, OK?

SARA
(nods)
Good. I’m glad. I’m glad you got a
nice girl and a good business. I’m
glad.

Sara gets up and hugs Harry, tears welling in her eyes.

SARA
Your father and I were always wanting
only the very best for you.
I’m glad, Harry, that you have someone
to be with. You should be healthy
and happy. And have lots of babies.
Don’t have only one. It’s no good.
Have lots of babies. They’ll make
you happy.

(CONTINUED)
52.

71 CONTINUED: (9) 71

Harry does his best to hug his mother. He fights his
desperation to get away and holds onto her.

Eventually, Sara backs away and looks into his face, smiling.

SARA
Look, I’m crying already. I’m so
happy I’m crying.

HARRY
(forces smiles)
I’m glad you’re happy, Ma. I
really love ya. An’ I’m sorry --

Sara waves his apology away -- tosh, tosh.

HARRY
I really am. But I’m goin’ ta make
it up now. You should just be happy.

SARA
Don’t worry about me. I’m used to
being alone.

A long silent beat as child and parent smile at each other.

Harry looks at his watch.

HARRY
I got to go, Ma. I have an
appointment in Manhattan in a little
bit. But I’ll be back.

SARA
Good. I’ll make for you. You still
have your key?

Genres: Drama
Tone: Emotional, Reflective, Hopeful

Summary Sara, a lonely elderly woman, excitedly shares her plans to appear on television with her son, Harry. Initially skeptical, Harry eventually offers his support and promises to visit more often with his girlfriend. As they share a heartfelt moment, Sara expresses her desire for companionship and a sense of purpose, making the scene a bittersweet mix of hope and longing.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Authentic dialogue
Character development

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited action

General Critique

The scene effectively showcases the emotional depth and vulnerability of both Sara and Harry, highlighting their complex relationship and individual struggles.
The dialogue between Sara and Harry is poignant and realistic, capturing the conflicting emotions of love, guilt, and loneliness.
The scene effectively conveys Sara's longing for purpose and connection, as well as Harry's desire to make amends and be there for his mother.
The visual elements and actions in the scene are minimal but impactful, focusing on the intimate interaction between Sara and Harry.
The scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a heartfelt moment of connection between Sara and Harry.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more visual elements or actions to enhance the scene and create a deeper sense of atmosphere.
Explore the possibility of incorporating more subtext or underlying emotions in the dialogue to add layers to the interaction between Sara and Harry.
Consider tightening the dialogue slightly to maintain a consistent pace and flow throughout the scene.
Experiment with different ways to convey Sara's internal struggles and Harry's conflicting emotions through subtle gestures or expressions.
Consider adding a bit more depth to Sara's character by exploring her past experiences and how they have shaped her current state of mind.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

HARRY
(shows her)
Yeah, I got it, Ma. I’d better hurry.
I’m late now.

SARA
Goodbye, Son.

One more kiss and hug and Harry is gone. Sara stares at the
door for many long moments.

Then she takes her orange pill -- pop, hit, glup, snap --
and washes it down with a fresh cup of coffee.

CUT TO:
53.

72 INT. MOVING CAB 72

Harry sits in the back seat filled with worry and concern.

Tears well up into his eyes until he can’t hold it any longer.
He sobs hard, real hard.

A moment later he collects himself and gets high: flick,
sizzle, snap, suck, slap, rush, sigh...

Harry wipes away his tears.

CUT TO:

73 INT. SARA’S BEDROOM 73

Sara zips up the red dress. It closes.

She swings around gloriously and her locked jaw smiles at
herself in the mirror. Eyes glow.

And she begins to waltz by herself. Humming...

HARD CUT TO:

BLACK

ON THE SCREEN IN WHITE LETTERS: ’FALL’

CUT TO:

74 INT. BRODY’S LIMO 74

Tyrone steps into a white limo with leopardskin upholstery.

He exchanges fives with, Brody (late twenties, bespectacled,
highly intelligent looking) and his two Henchmen.

Brody doesn’t speak. He signs to Henchman #1

HENCHMAN
Brody say you coming up quick, kid.

TYRONE
Thanks, Brody.

The Henchman signs back. Then Brody responds.

HENCHMAN
Brody wants to promote you. He wants
to give you some more responsibility.
Are you interested?

TYRONE
Yeah, yeah.

(CONTINUED)
54.

74 CONTINUED: 74

HENCHMAN
Brody say, you fuck him, I’ll kill
you.
TYRONE
I wouldn’t do that, Jim.
Just then, Tyrone notices the driver’s door is open. Tyrone
points.
TYRONE
Where’s the --
Brody spins just when a White Gunman leans in through the
driver’s door with a 9mm Glock --
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Three bullets rip through Brody’s body. Blood and guts
splatter Tyrone and Brody’s dead body collapses into his
lap.
The Henchmen pull out their pieces and return fire. One
Henchman gets splattered. The other kills the White Man.
Tyrone slips and scrambles out of the limo. The White Gunman
lies dead in the street.
Tyrone runs! Frantic, with blood all over him, he runs
hyperventilating with panic until two Cops give chase.
Sirens and lights.
They catch him and slam him against the wall. Cuff wrist
one, cuff wrist two.
CUT TO:
75 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 75
Pop, hit, gulp, snap...
Sara’s living room is dominated by a gigantic, towering,
black TV. The ominous hulk of technology stares down on
Sara who sits in her lazy chair staring at the set’s cold,
dark screen.
Something is wrong.
Some coffee: tinkle, perk, drip, slurp, slurp, slurp...
Nothing. So one more:

Pop, hit, gulp, snap...

CUT TO:
55.

76 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 76

Flick, sizzle, snap, suck, slap, rush, sigh...

Crinkle, sprinkle, flick, drift, suck, sigh...

Harry and Marion lean against each other on the floor. They
stare up at the ceiling. Sketches and pieces of Marion’s
clothing lie around them.

MARION
Oh Harry, I love you. You make me
feel like a person, like I’m me and
I’m beautiful.

HARRY
You are beautiful. You’re the most
beautiful woman in the world. You’re
my dream.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Crime, Romance
Tone: Emotional, Intense, Tense, Romantic

Summary Sara bids farewell to Harry and takes medication. Harry uses drugs to cope with his emotions. Tyrone is promoted but witnesses Brody's murder and escapes. Sara dances alone while Harry and Marion express their love.

Strengths

Strong character development
Emotional depth
Intertwining storylines
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Possible lack of clarity in some character motivations
Sudden and intense events may feel rushed

General Critique

The transition from Harry bidding farewell to Sara to him sitting in a cab feeling worried and concerned is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
The emotional shift from Harry sobbing to getting high feels disjointed and could be better connected to show the progression of his emotions.
Sara putting on the red dress and waltzing by herself is a powerful moment, but the impact could be enhanced by delving deeper into her emotions and thoughts during this moment.
The sudden shift to Tyrone entering Brody's limo and the subsequent violent scene with Brody being shot and killed feels jarring and disconnected from Sara's storyline.
The scene then abruptly cuts back to Sara's apartment with her staring at a blank TV screen, which doesn't provide a clear connection to the previous events or advance the plot effectively.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider smoother transitions between scenes to maintain the narrative flow and coherence.
Develop Harry's emotional journey more effectively, showing a clearer progression from worry to getting high.
Enhance Sara's moment of putting on the red dress and waltzing by herself by delving deeper into her internal thoughts and emotions.
Ensure that the shift between different character storylines is more seamless and connected to avoid abrupt changes in tone and pacing.
Provide a clearer link between the different scenes to ensure that the audience can follow the storyline and character arcs effectively.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

77 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 77

Pop, hit, gulp, snap...

Sara still sits. She feels nothing.

Coffee: tinkle, perk, drip, slurp, slurp, slurp...

Still nothing.

She picks up the bottles of pills from Doctor Pill and
examines the labels.

She looks real close.

Then she calls Doctor Pill.

SKINNY NURSE
(off-screen)
Doctor’s office?

SARA
Hello, this is Mrs Goldfarb

SKINNY NURSE
(off-screen)
No, Mrs Goldfarb, I’m absolutely
certain. I’ve checked again.

SARA
Are you sure you didn’t give me the
wrong pills?

(CONTINUED)
56.

77 CONTINUED: 77

SKINNY NURSE
(off-screen)
No.

SARA
But maybe you gave me a smaller one
the last time.

SKINNY NURSE
(off-screen)
That isn’t possible, Mrs Goldfarb.
You see, they are all the same
potency. The change is in the color.
All the purple are the same strength,
all the red, etc.

SARA
But something isn’t the same.

SKINNY NURSE
(off-screen)
You’re just becoming adjusted to
them. At first you get a strong
reaction, but after a while that
wears off and you just don’t feel
like eating. It’s nothing to worry
about, Mrs Goldfarb.

Click. Sara stares at the phone and slowly hangs it up.

She drops two pills in her hand. She stares at both pills --
shrugs and pops them: pop, hit, gulp, snap...

Then a small grin invades her face. Something’s happening.

She flips on the TV TO TAPPY:

TAPPY TIBBONS
Now let’s meet our next winner.

She’s a beautiful woman with a winning sense of humor and a
magical smile. Straight from Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, let’s
give a juicy welcome to Mrs Sara Goldfarb.

And there she is! Red, red, red. Sara smiles at Red Sara.

The audience loves her.

TAPPY AND AUDIENCE
Juice by Sara! Juice by Sara! Juice
by Sara! ooooOOOOH! Sara’s got
juice! Sara’s got juice! ooooOOOH
Sara!

(CONTINUED)
57.

77 CONTINUED: (2) 77

But back in the real world, the fridge shudders. Sara stares
at it, concerned.

CUT TO:

78 INT. HOLDING TANK - NIGHT 78

Tyrone, terrified, holds onto the bars for dear life.

Junkies and winos that seem more like ghosts and giant rats
taunt him. Until:

GUARD
(off-screen)
Love...Love, Tyrone C. Seven-
three-five. Get your shit together
and come on.

CUT TO:

79 EXT. CONEY ISLAND STREET - MOVING 79

Harry and Tyrone rap as they scam the streets searching for
a connection. They eye other junkies suspiciously.

TYRONE
How much?

HARRY
They got most of our cash. You’re
up for consortin’.

TYRONE
Sheeit.

HARRY
Angel says it’s a war between the
Italians and the Blacks. He says
Sal the Geep is keeping all the shit
down in Florida until guys like Brody
are all knocked off.

TYRONE
Sheeit.

HARRY
No one’s got a thing.

TYRONE
Except Big Tim.

HARRY
Who?

(CONTINUED)
58.

79 CONTINUED: 79

TYRONE
He’s holdin’ a nice taste.

HARRY
How much?

TYRONE
Some say a piece, others a truckload.

HARRY
Shit. Let’s go see him.

TYRONE
He’s holdin’, but he’s not sellin’.
He’s only givin’ up for pussy.

HARRY
What?

TYRONE
The only habit that muthafuck have
is pussy. He hooked on that thang.
Ah told’im ah give’im all he want,
but he say ahm not pretty enough
for’im.

Just then, a white van screeches to a halt at the corner in
front of them. The side door slides open. Two white guys
toss a dead black guy into a city garbage can.

The van screeches off. The black guy’s sneakers poke up out
of the can.

Harry and Tyrone turn around and quickly exit the scene.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Dark

Summary Sara, questioning her pills' efficacy, calls the doctor, ingests two, and feels a transformation. She envisions herself as a contest victor on television. Simultaneously, Tyrone endures confinement in a holding tank, while Harry and Tyrone seek a drug connection on the desolate streets of Coney Island. The atmosphere is thick with tension and peril for Sara and an air of gritty danger for Harry and Tyrone.

Strengths

Strong character development
Emotional depth
Tension-building

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be repetitive
Lack of external conflict

General Critique

The scene starts with a lot of sound effects and actions, which can be overwhelming for the reader. It's important to balance the use of sound effects with meaningful dialogue and character development.
The conversation between Sara and the Skinny Nurse feels a bit repetitive and could be condensed to make the scene more engaging.
The interaction between Sara and the Skinny Nurse lacks depth and emotion. Adding more layers to their conversation could enhance the impact of the scene.
The transition from Sara taking pills to watching herself on TV feels abrupt and disjointed. There needs to be a smoother connection between these two moments.
The sudden shift to Tyrone in the holding tank and Harry and Tyrone on the streets searching for drugs feels disconnected from Sara's storyline. The scene could benefit from better integration of these different plot threads.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider streamlining the sound effects and actions at the beginning of the scene to focus more on character interaction and development.
Add more emotional depth to Sara's conversation with the Skinny Nurse to make it more engaging for the audience.
Work on creating a smoother transition between Sara taking pills and watching herself on TV to improve the flow of the scene.
Integrate the different plot threads more effectively to ensure a cohesive narrative throughout the screenplay.
Consider revising the pacing of the scene to maintain the audience's engagement and build tension effectively.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

80 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 80

MARION
Well, why don’t we just stop using?

Harry, Tyrone and Marion stare at each other for a moment,
the implication of Marion’s question slowly, through much
resistance, sinking in and registering.

HARRY
Yeah, I guess we’d better.

CUT TO:
59.

81 INT. SARA’S MAILBOX 81

Still nothing.

CUT TO:

82 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 82

Pop, hit, gulp, snap...

Sara starts to circle around the lazy chair. Tighter and
tighter circles.

CUT TO:

83 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 83

We pan the apartment and see Harry, Tyrone and Marion trying
to do something, anything but nothing. But everything is
real slow and every moment is real painful.

The kitchen clock is almost moving backwards. We see their
eyes. Their sweating lips. Their twitching fingers.

CUT TO:

84 INT. SARA’S MAILBOX 84

NOPE.

CUT TO:

85 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 85

Pop, hit, gulp, snap -- and again -- pop, hit, gulp, snap...

Sara stops pacing. Out of breath, she towers over the phone.

She dials 411. Her mouth races after her speed-drenched
mind.

COMPUTERIZED OPERATOR
(off-screen)
Welcome to Bell Atlantic. Number
please?

SARA
Malin & Block. Manhattan.

COMPUTERIZED OPERATOR
(off-screen)
Please hold for your number.

(CONTINUED)
60.

85 CONTINUED: 85

Suddenly, the fridge shudders. Sara jumps.

CUT BACK TO:

86 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 86

Finally Marion stands up:

MARION
It’s three already. We’re making a
big deal out of nothing.

TYRONE
(a bit too willing)
Yeah, we can stop using. We proved
it. Right now.

MARION
Harry, it’s stupid to panic and think
the world’s coming to an end just
’cause we can’t score any solid
weight.

HARRY
OK, fine.

Flick, sizzle, snap, suck, slap, rush, sigh...

AND:
Crinkle, sprinkle, flick, drift,
suck, sigh...

AND THEN AGAIN:
Flick, sizzle, snap, suck, slap,
rush, sigh...

CUT TO:

87 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT 87

Harry and Marion twist and turn in their bed. The sheets
are covered in sweat.

Finally, Marion bolts up in bed gasping for breath. Harry
turns on the light.

HARRY
You alright?

MARION
(nods)
Must have had a bad dream, I guess.

CUT TO:

(CONTINUED)
61.

87 CONTINUED: 87

INT. MARION’S KITCHEN.

Harry fills a glass of water. He notices that the spot where
he normally shoots up in his inner arm is sore and red.

CUT BACK TO:

88 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 88

Marion is still panting when Harry returns with a glass of
water.

MARION
Maybe we should dip in now.

HARRY
It’s all we have.

MARION
Tyrone will score in the morning.

HARRY
It’s a bitch out there.

MARION
It’ll be fine, sweetheart, I just
know it will.

A long beat.

HARRY
Yeah, I guess. I’ll get the stuff.

MARION
I love you, Harry.

Relief. For now. Crinkle, sprinkle, flick, drift, suck,
sigh...

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Drug Addiction
Tone: Anxiety, Desperation, Tension, Hope

Summary Marion, Harry, and Tyrone confront the challenges of drug withdrawal as they attempt to quit using. Despite initial resistance, they agree to try and engage in alternative activities. However, their efforts are met with discomfort and difficulty focusing. As Sara desperately searches for help, Marion and Harry succumb to their cravings and decide to consume their remaining drugs.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Realistic portrayal of addiction
Compelling character dynamics

Weaknesses

Repetitive drug use actions
Lack of external action

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, leaving the audience confused about the characters' motivations and actions.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with characters stating their intentions rather than engaging in meaningful conversation.
The pacing of the scene is slow and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
There is a lack of emotional depth and connection between the characters, making it hard for the audience to empathize with their struggles.
The visual descriptions are repetitive and do not add to the overall atmosphere or mood of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing the characters' internal conflicts and emotions to create a more engaging and relatable scene.
Consider restructuring the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities.
Work on improving the pacing of the scene by adding more tension and conflict to keep the audience invested.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting that complements the characters' emotions and actions.
Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each character's actions and dialogue contribute to the overall narrative arc.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

89 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 89

Pop, hit, gulp, snap.

Sara downs a cup of coffee and goes to the phone.

Out of the corner of her eye she watches the fridge. She
dials a number.

COMPUTERIZED OPERATOR
(off-screen)
Welcome to Malin & Block.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
62.

89 CONTINUED: 89

COMPUTERIZED OPERATOR (CONT'D)
If you know your party’s extension,
please enter it now. For the
directory please press four, one,
one.

Sara presses 411.

COMPUTERIZED OPERATOR
(off-screen)
Please enter the last name of the
person you are trying to reach.

SARA
Russel. Lyle Russel.

Sara starts to press some numbers.

COMPUTERIZED OPERATOR
(off-screen)
We’re sorry, there’s no one in the
directory with that name. Please
wait for an operator.

A moment later an operator answers.

WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Malin & Block.

SARA
Lyle Russel.

WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
I’m sorry, but I don’t have his name
listed on my directory.

SARA
The television.

WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
What television?

SARA
I don’t know. I want to find out.

WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Hold on a second.

Then, a loud shudder! The fridge is vibrating. Sara doesn’t
know what to do.

(CONTINUED)
63.

89 CONTINUED: (2) 89

ANOTHER WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Can I help you?

SARA
I want to speak to Lyle Russel.

ANOTHER WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Who’s that?

SARA
He called me and said I was going
to be on a show and --

ANOTHER WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Just a minute. I’ll connect you
with the programs department.

Sara waits as the phone rings and rings and the fridge
continues to vibrate unnaturally.

THIRD WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Can I help you?

SARA
I want Lyle Russel.

THIRD WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Lyle Russel? Are you sure you have
the right number?

SARA
He’s putting me on a show.

THIRD WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
A show? What show?

Still on the phone, Sara slowly walks over to the fridge.

THIRD WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
I’m afraid I don’t understand. If
you can’t tell me --

SARA
He called me and said I’m going to
be on TV and he sent me papers. I
sent them back a long time already
and I still don’t know when --

(CONTINUED)
64.

89 CONTINUED: (3) 89

THIRD WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Oh, I understand. Just a moment.

Some more clicks. Sara can barely stand. As she gets to
the fridge, it slowly stops vibrating. Sweat is building.

FOURTH WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Can I help you?

Carefully, Sara examines the fridge. She’s having a hard
time talking.

FOURTH WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Hello?

SARA
Lyle Russel.

FOURTH WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Who?

SARA
Lyle Russel?

FOURTH WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Are you sure you have the right
department?

And then, suddenly, the entire fridge quakes violently!

Sara drops the phone and runs to her bedroom. On the phone:

FOURTH WOMAN ON PHONE
(off-screen)
Hello? Hello?

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Anxious, Confused, Tense

Summary Sara's attempts to find information about a television show she was supposed to be on hit a dead end. As she investigates a strange vibration, the suspense builds.

Strengths

Building tension
Mystery element with the vibrating fridge
Strong emotional impact

Weaknesses

Dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene starts off with Sara trying to reach Lyle Russel by phone to find out about a television show she was supposed to be on. The dialogue between Sara and the operators feels a bit repetitive and could be streamlined to maintain the tension and urgency of the scene.
The use of off-screen voices for the operators can be effective in creating a sense of detachment and frustration, but it also makes the scene feel a bit disconnected from Sara's emotional state. Adding more internal thoughts or reactions from Sara could help the audience connect with her character more.
The visual element of the vibrating fridge adds an interesting layer of tension and unease to the scene, but it could be further developed to enhance the overall atmosphere and build suspense.
Sara's increasing stress and confusion are well portrayed, but there could be more emphasis on her emotional turmoil and desperation as she tries to get information about the television show.
The scene ends abruptly with Sara dropping the phone and running to her bedroom, leaving the audience hanging. A stronger resolution or cliffhanger could have been implemented to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue between Sara and the operators to maintain the pace and tension of the scene.
Add more internal thoughts or reactions from Sara to help the audience connect with her emotional state.
Further develop the visual element of the vibrating fridge to enhance the atmosphere and build suspense.
Emphasize Sara's emotional turmoil and desperation as she tries to get information about the television show.
Implement a stronger resolution or cliffhanger to keep the audience engaged and eager for the next scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

90 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT - LATE MORNING 90

Marion expectantly watches Harry on the phone. Harry hangs
up.

MARION
Well?

HARRY
Tyrone hasn’t found anything.

(CONTINUED)
65.

90 CONTINUED: 90

MARION
Nothing?

HARRY
Nothing.

MARION
What are we going to do?

HARRY
I don’t know.

MARION
Well, you have to do something.
It’s your fault we don’t have
something for the morning.

HARRY
What are you talking about?

MARION
You were all hot in the biscuit to
get off last night.

HARRY
That’s all bullshit.

MARION
You didn’t have to and we could have
had something now.

HARRY
Whatta am I gonna do? Just sit and
watch you push off and not go myself?

MARION
Then, just don’t put all the weight
on me, that’s all. And leave me
alone.

Pissed beat.

HARRY
I’m gonna go meet Ty.

CUT TO:

91 INT. TYRONE’S CLOSET 91

Harry and Tyrone open the shoe box. They grab the last cash
in it.

HARRY
Don’t worry.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
66.

91 CONTINUED: 91

HARRY (CONT'D)
We’ll fill it up again, man.
Things’ll get better soon, then we’ll
be puttin’ the bread back in the
box.

CUT TO:

92 EXT. CITY STREETS - NIGHT 92

Harry and Tyrone wait by a payphone on an abandoned street
corner.

HARRY
I gotta call my mom. I just don’t
know what to do with her.

TYRONE
Ahm glad ah doan’t have no one laying
that kind of heavy motha shit on me,
Jim. You honkies are too much with
that guilt shit.

HARRY
Krist, you ain’t kiddin’, man. I
sometimes think we’d be better without
moms.

TYRONE
Ah doan’ know, man. Mah mom died
when ah was eight, but I remember
she was one groovy woman. She have
seven kids, Jim, an she was all big
like an’ all the time singin’ and
smilin’. She have a big chest like
this and she used to cuddle me, Jim,
an’ ah remember how good it felt in
there an’ how sweet she smell. You
know, she sing an’ it make you feel
good all ovuh, jus’ like dope.

Small laugh in the freezing cold. Then, a Snot-faced Dealer
rounds the corner and nods to Tyrone.

93 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 93

The phone rings! Sara sticks her head out of the bedroom.

She looks at the fridge. It’s quiet and still. She sneaks
to the lazy chair and flips on the TV.

Then she answers the phone.

(CONTINUED)
67.

93 CONTINUED: 93

HARRY
(off-screen)
Hey, Ma. How ya doing?

SARA
(scared)
Oh, Harry.

HARRY
(off-screen)
I wanted to say hello, and that I’ll
visit soon.

Suddenly, the fridge hops, making a smashing noise. Sara
sinks into her chair. Sara lets out a small scream.

HARRY
(off-screen)
Ma? You --

SARA
Can you come now? For a little while?

HARRY
(off-screen)
Ma, I’m tied up. I got a lot of
irons in the fire and I have ta be
around to take care of’em.

The fridge hops again.

SARA
(at fridge)
Stop it!
(to Harry)
Not even a little visit? Please,
Harry. Come over.

HARRY
(off-screen)
Hey, Ma, will you lighten up and
stop playin’ those guilt games with
my head?

The fridge shakes and quivers like it’s laughing.

SARA
Please, Harry...

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Crime
Tone: Tense, Anxious, Desperate

Summary Marion confronts Harry about not having anything to sell, blaming him for getting off with her the night before. Harry denies it, and they argue. Harry leaves to meet Tyrone, and they find the last of the cash in the shoebox. Meanwhile, Sara anxiously answers the phone to hear Harry on the other end, causing her to fear for her safety as the fridge makes an ominous noise.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Emotional depth
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Limited physical action

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with the dialogue feeling disjointed and lacking depth in character development.
The conflict between Harry and Marion is not well-established or resolved, leaving the audience confused about their relationship dynamics.
The transition between different locations and characters is abrupt and could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
The emotional impact of Sara's distress and fear is not effectively conveyed, making it difficult for the audience to empathize with her situation.
The dialogue between Harry and Tyrone feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it challenging for the audience to connect with their characters.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Develop the conflict between Harry and Marion more clearly to add depth to their relationship and create a more engaging dynamic.
Provide more context and background information to help the audience understand the motivations and emotions of the characters in the scene.
Consider restructuring the scene to improve the pacing and flow, allowing for a more seamless transition between different locations and characters.
Focus on enhancing the emotional impact of Sara's distress and fear to create a more compelling and relatable storyline for the audience.
Revise the dialogue between Harry and Tyrone to make it more authentic and reflective of their characters, enhancing the audience's connection to the story.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

94 INT. CITY STREETS - SAME 94

Harry takes a deep breath into the phone. Tyrone rounds the
corner, smiling.

(CONTINUED)
68.

94 CONTINUED: 94

HARRY
(into phone)
Look, Ma, I don’t want to hassle
you, okay? I loveya and I’ll see
you soon. Take care.

SARA
(off-screen)
Harry, it’s all confusing and --

Harry hangs up and the two of them rush off.

CUT TO:

95 EXT. UNDER THE BOARDWALK - NIGHT 95

Flick, sizzle, snap, suck, slap, rush, sigh...

TYRONE
So you want to hear the news?

HARRY
What news?

TYRONE
The good news and the bad news.

HARRY
Shoot.

TYRONE
The good news is that in a couple of
days they’ll be prime on the streets.

HARRY
(psyched)
Really!
(suspicious)
Who told you?

TYRONE
Angel says Sal the Geep has sent
word to let go a couple a keys for
the Christmas season, he being a
good Christian an’ not wantin’ anybody
to be wantin’ during this glorious
season.

HARRY
You believe it?

TYRONE
I didn’t until I heard the bad news.

(CONTINUED)
69.

95 CONTINUED: 95

HARRY
Yeah...

TYRONE
The price is doubled and you have to
cop for weight, at least half a piece.

HARRY
How much?

TYRONE
Two.

HARRY
Fuckin’ insane!

TYRONE
What you gonna do? The man ain’t
goin’ to lay no nickel bag on you,
thas foe damn sure.

HARRY
Where we gonna get two?

CUT TO:

96 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 96

Marion can’t believe what Harry just suggested.

MARION
You mean Arnold?

HARRY
Well your parents won’t even take
your call.

MARION
I haven’t seen him in months.

HARRY
So what? He’s still callin’, ain’t
he?

MARION
Yes, but I don’t know.

Marion stares into Harry’s eyes -- pleading.

HARRY
Look, I don’t know what else to do.

This is our last chance to get back on track. We won’t have
ta scuffle and make that freezing scene every day. We need
the bread.

(CONTINUED)
70.

96 CONTINUED: 96

MARION
Getting the bread is not the
problem, Harry --

HARRY
Then what’s the problem, fa krist’s
sake?

MARION
I just don’t know what I’ll have to
do to get it.

Harry gets it. Marion gets it. But for Harry, this is too
important. He gets down and holds her hand:

HARRY
Look baby, this is our last chance
to get back on track. We’ll be back
in bizness in no time. We’ll start
moving again and we’ll start saving
again. It’ll happen, Marion.

Marion looks into him. Then, she gives him a gentle nod.

CUT TO:

97 INT. DOCTOR PILL’S EXAMINING ROOM 97

Doctor Pill smiles while Sara looks around wild-eyed.

DOCTOR PILL
What seems to be the problem? The
weight is doing fine.

SARA
The weight is fine. I’m not so
good. The refrigerator --

Suddenly, she looks around terrified.

DOCTOR PILL
Something wrong?

SARA
Things are all mixed up. Confused
like --

DOCTOR PILL
Well, that’s nothing to worry about.

He scribbles out a prescription.

DOCTOR PILL
Just give this to the nurse and make
an appointment for a week.

(CONTINUED)
71.

97 CONTINUED: 97

Now, Sara is alone staring at the paper. TIGHT ON paper.

It reads ’VALIUM’.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Desperate, Suspenseful, Intense

Summary Amidst financial struggles, Harry grapples with his mother's demands and seeks Tyrone's insight into the lucrative drug trade. Marion remains hesitant, while Harry pleads with her to consider their desperate situation. A visit to Dr. Pill results in a prescription for Valium, highlighting Sara's distress. As Harry and Tyrone discuss the availability and increased price of drugs, Marion reluctantly agrees to consider their options, ending the scene with a sense of uncertainty and moral conflict.

Strengths

Tension-building
Character development
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Possible confusion in some character motivations

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from Harry rushing off after a phone call with his mother to a conversation between Harry and Tyrone about drugs on the streets, which feels disjointed and lacks smooth continuity.
The dialogue between Harry and Tyrone about the availability and price of drugs is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise to keep the scene engaging.
Marion's reaction to Harry's suggestion about contacting Arnold feels underdeveloped and could benefit from more emotional depth and conflict.
The scene with Doctor Pill and Sara introduces a new subplot about Sara feeling confused and mixed up, but this subplot is not fully explored or integrated into the rest of the scene.
The transition between the different locations and characters in the scene feels abrupt and could be smoother to improve the flow of the narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider restructuring the scene to have a more seamless transition between the different conversations and locations to improve the flow.
Focus on developing the emotional depth of Marion's reaction to Harry's suggestion and Sara's confusion to add more depth to their characters and the overall storyline.
Streamline the dialogue between Harry and Tyrone to make it more engaging and impactful.
Integrate Sara's subplot about feeling confused and mixed up more effectively into the scene to create a stronger connection between the different storylines.
Work on creating a more cohesive and coherent narrative thread throughout the scene to ensure that all elements contribute to the overall story arc.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

98 INT. RAOUL’S CAFE - NIGHT 98

Dimly lit café. Marion wears lots of make-up and a long-
sleeve blouse.

Arnold is worried.

MARION
No, no, I’ve just had the flu forever
it seems like.

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
Are you depressed?

MARION
No, it’s nothing like that. Just
been very busy. I’ve been designing
nonstop.

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
That’s wonderful, I’m glad to hear
you’ve been productive.

He smiles and touches her hand.

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
To be perfectly straight, I was
surprised to hear from you. Is
something wrong?

MARION
No, why?

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
That’s usually the case when someone
calls whom you haven’t heard from
for a while.

MARION
No, everything’s fine, but I do have
a favor to ask.

He smiles and leans back into his chair. His smugness bothers
her so she grabs her fork and stabs it into the back of his
hand. Blood spurts out and she screams:

MARION
YOU SMUG SONOFABITCH!

(CONTINUED)
72.

98 CONTINUED: 98

A moment later, everything is back to normal. Marion was
fantasizing.

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
(grin)
A favor? What is it?

MARION
I need to borrow some money.

CUT TO:

99 INT. ARNOLD THE SHRINK’S MANHATTAN CRASH PAD 99

In the bedroom, Marion slowly takes off her clothes. She’s
dying and almost crying.

Arnold, big smile, big erection (for him), watches her.

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
May I ask why?

MARION
Could you turn off the light?

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
Why do you want the light off?

MARION
I just do.

ARNOLD THE SHRINK
You never did before.

MARION
Please, Arnold.

Shrugging, he remote controls off the light. Arnold creeps
up behind her and starts planting kisses on her.

Very gently, she begins to cry.

CUT TO:

100 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 100

Harry scratches some vinyl. He takes the LP and frisbees it
into the wall. It shatters!

Then, he collapses onto Marion’s couch, picks up the remote
and flips on the set. He tries to watch but he keeps looking
at the clock.

Then, he hears the sounds of sex. He looks up on the TV and
sees Marion fucking some dude with a hairy back.

(CONTINUED)
73.

100 CONTINUED: 100

So, Harry lies on the ground and reaches for something under
the couch.

Then: flick, sizzle, snap, suck, rush, sigh...

The image on the set slowly starts to dissolve back to the
normal TV show.

Harry, a bit more comfortable, reclines on the couch and
nods.

CUT TO:

101 INT. ARNOLD THE SHRINK’S MANHATTAN CRASH PAD - HALLWAY 101

At the front door Arnold, wrapped in a sheet, hands Marion
some money. She leaves and he quickly locks the door.

Down the hallway and into --

102 THE ELEVATOR 102

-- as anger, disgust and who knows what else billow up

inside her. Her eyes begin to tear. Then --

103 ON THE STREET 103

-- she leans against the building and vomits.

CUT TO:

104 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 104

Marion crawls out of her winter clothes and joins Harry on
the couch.

They sit on either side of the couch not looking at each
other.

CUT TO:

105 INT. TYRONE’S NEW PAD 105

Tyrone, in his bikini underwear, stares at a picture of his
mom.

Alice is gone.

He looks at the window. It’s night-time and it’s sleeping.

TYRONE
Sheeit.

(CONTINUED)
74.

105 CONTINUED: 105

Tyrone starts to get dressed.

CUT TO:

106 INT. SARA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 106

Pop, gulp, hit, snap...

Sara puts on some make-up. Her hand is not steady and her
work is far from perfect. The lipstick is lopsided. The
mascara is caked on one set of eyelashes.

In the red dress, with very little energy, she spins in front
of the mirror.

She starts a dumpy version of a waltz. Very slowly. Her
eyes are sunken and dark-ringed. Flesh hangs from her upper
arms and neck.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Dark, Emotional

Summary Marion meets with Arnold the shrink at a dimly lit cafe, fantasizes about stabbing him, asks to borrow money, and later engages in a sexual encounter with him for money at his Manhattan crash pad. The scene ends with Marion vomiting on the street after leaving Arnold's place.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Tension building

Weaknesses

Graphic violence
Dark themes

General Critique

The scene starts off with Marion fantasizing about stabbing Arnold, which seems out of character and extreme.
The transition from Marion's fantasy to reality is abrupt and could be smoother to avoid confusion for the audience.
The interaction between Marion and Arnold in the cafe lacks depth and feels rushed, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The scene in Arnold's Manhattan crash pad is uncomfortable and lacks emotional depth, making it hard for the audience to empathize with Marion.
The sudden shift to Harry scratching vinyl and then witnessing Marion having sex on TV feels disjointed and doesn't flow well with the rest of the scene.
The drug use depicted in the scene is graphic and may be unnecessary, detracting from the overall narrative.
The vomiting scene could be triggering for some viewers and may not add significant value to the storyline.
The portrayal of Sara putting on makeup and dancing in front of the mirror feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and lacks context.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider toning down the violence and graphic content to make the scene more palatable for the audience.
Focus on developing the emotional depth of the characters to make their actions and decisions more relatable.
Ensure smooth transitions between different elements of the scene to maintain coherence and flow.
Provide more context and background information to help the audience understand the characters' motivations and actions.
Consider revising the drug use and vomiting scenes to be more subtle and less explicit.
Revisit the portrayal of Sara to ensure it aligns with the overall tone and themes of the screenplay.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

107 INT. MODERN SUPERMARKET - NIGHT 107

Harry and Tyrone stroll the aisles with an empty shopping
cart. They eye other customers, most of whom are junkies
trying to act nonchalant and making believe they’re shopping.

In actuality they’re just trying to figure out what the fuck’s
going on.

TYRONE
You dig the action, man.

HARRY
Yeah, I feel like I’m dreamin’.

TYRONE
I watch your back, you watch mine.

HARRY
What are we supposed to do?

TYRONE
I don’t know. All they said was be
at Waldbaum’s.

Just then, they round a corner and spot a Pony-tailed Junkies
walking into the back loading area. They follow.

CUT TO:
75.

108 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 108

Marion impatiently circles the apartment. She’s very anxious.

CUT TO:

109 INT. SUPERMARKET LOADING AREA - LATER 109

Harry and Tyrone join a mass of smoking junkies in the back
of the supermarket. Everyone is crowded in by the towering
boxes of produce and canned goods.

HARRY
Everyone and their mother.

A moment later, the steel roll-gate starts to open. All the
junkies turn to look.

Then, an eighteen-wheeler starts backing into the loading
dock. ’IRVING’S FLORIDA ORANGES’ is painted onto the truck.

When the truck stops at the dock, two White Heavies emerge
from the front cab. They wear ski masks and carry glistening
machine guns.

Sitting behind a table in front of the crates of oranges is
a distinguished Bald Man sporting a white fur coat. He is
flanked by two other heavies with masks and machine guns.

The junkies applaud! The two men unlock the back of the
truck.

The Bald Man pops open two steel suitcases on the table.

Harry, Tyrone and all the junkies push forward. The men
with guns try to control them.

CUT TO:

110 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 110

Marion, still circling, starts searching the apartment. She
rips open her bureau, flips through clothes and unknowingly
tosses her clothing sketches.

They slowly drift to the floor.

CUT TO:

111 EXT. SUPERMARKET LOADING AREA - LATER 111

Harry and Tyrone push their way to the front. A few lucky
junkies hand the Bald Man money and get their dope. The
heavies scream at the junkies to calm down or they’re outta
here.

(CONTINUED)
76.

111 CONTINUED: 111

Then suddenly, Harry spots a Gap-toothed Junkies pulling a
gun. The men with the machine guns see him and pull out
their guns. Harry grabs Tyrone and starts to pull him away
when suddenly:

Bang!

Gap-tooth’s gun goes off. It hits some oranges behind the
Bald Man. The heavies let loose. Bullets everywhere!

Harry and Tyrone head for the supermarket in front. Boxes
are blowing up around them.

The Bald Man slams the steel suitcases closed and starts
pulling the truck doors closed.

Harry and Tyrone charge into the --

112 INT. SUPERMARKET - SAME 112

-- with a bunch of other junkies. They rush down an aisle

when the Pony-tailed Junkie gets nailed in front of them.

He slides across the linoleum leaving a trail of blood behind
him.

Harry and Tyrone leap over the dead body and rush --

113 OUTSIDE 113

-- just in time to spot the eighteen-wheeler whiz by. Some

of the junkies give chase. Harry thinks about it but Ty
stops him. Instead, they quickly duck out.

CUT TO:

Genres: Crime, Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Action-packed

Summary Harry and Tyrone follow a Pony-tailed Junkie into the back loading area of a supermarket, where they witness a group of junkies buying drugs from a Bald Man and his henchmen. A conflict arises when a Gap-toothed Junkie pulls a gun and gets shot by the henchmen. In the chaos, Harry and Tyrone flee the scene with the other junkies.

Strengths

Intense action
Tension-filled atmosphere
Emotional depth in characters

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements in the drug deal setup

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from Marion's apartment to the supermarket loading area, which may be disorienting for the audience.
The dialogue between Harry and Tyrone lacks depth and doesn't provide much insight into their characters or the situation they are in.
The introduction of the Pony-tailed Junkie and the subsequent shootout feels rushed and lacks proper build-up or tension.
The action sequences are described in a chaotic manner, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the scene clearly.
Marion's actions in her apartment seem disconnected from the main plotline involving Harry and Tyrone at the supermarket.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between Marion's apartment and the supermarket loading area to improve the flow of the scene.
Develop the dialogue between Harry and Tyrone to reveal more about their motivations, fears, and relationship dynamics.
Build up the tension leading to the shootout by creating a sense of impending danger and escalating conflict.
Provide clearer descriptions of the action sequences to enhance the visual impact and engage the reader more effectively.
Ensure that Marion's actions in her apartment are more closely tied to the main plotline to maintain coherence and relevance.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

114 INT. TYRONE’S OLD DIVE PAD 114

Tyrone puffs on a cigarette while Harry paces.

HARRY
Stupid fucking junkie. Fucked. We
are fucked. That’s the last shit
for miles.

TYRONE
Muthafuckas going back to Florida,
sitting on their asses in sun while
we’re up here ass-deep in snow.

HARRY
Damn it. What are we gonna do now?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
77.

114 CONTINUED: 114

HARRY (CONT'D)
(then an idea)
Hey. What would happen if we went
down there to cop?

TYRONE
Now you’re talking -- sunny F.L.

HARRY
Yeah. Everybody’s up here scufflin’
to stay alive and gettin’ ripped off
or knocked off, and nobody’s thought
about goin’ right to the fuckin’
source.

TYRONE
You’re serious?

HARRY
Why not?

TYRONE
What the fuck you talkin’ about?
Goin’ up to the muthafuckin’ room
clerk at some hotel an’ askin’ for a
connection?

HARRY
C’mon, Ty, get with it, eh? You
tellin’ me you can’t nose our some
dope when it’s around?

TYRONE
You are serious. Tha’s here, man.
The Apple’s mah neighborhood. What
the fuck ah know about Miami? Them
muthafuckin’ Italians ain’t sittin’
aroun’ jus’ waitin’ for me to show
up, Jim.

HARRY
Dope smells the same there as it
does here.

TYRONE
Yeah, but it’s a long-ass walk, man.

HARRY
Not if you’re drivin’. Look man,
it’s colder than hell and those
streets are hotter’n a bitch.
After tonight...shit. Guys are
gettin’ knocked off like they’re
givin’ away season tickets for every
dead fiend.

(CONTINUED)
78.

114 CONTINUED: (2) 114

TYRONE
That’s no lie, Jim.

HARRY
Man, we got nothin’ to lose, and we
got to do it now while we still have
a few bucks.

TYRONE
If it’s such a good idea why ain’t
somebody else thought of it?

HARRY
Because they’re assholes. And that’s
just it. Nobody else has thought of
it. It’s wide open and it we get
there before anyone else we can name
our own price amd sit back an’ be
cool and have those fools scufflin’
the streets for us.

TYRONE
Las’ summer was a ball, Jim...Seems
like a thousan’ years since las’
summer. Sheeit.

HARRY
It’ll be back like that, but only
better. This is the kinda set up
you dream about.

TYRONE
(starts to give in)
You know, Angel can probably get us
a short if we promise him some
dynamite scag.

HARRY
You think?

TYRONE
(gives in)
That muthafucka can dig up anything,
even the daid.

CUT TO:

115 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 115

Sara peeks her head into the living room, all the shades and
curtains are drawn. She quietly tiptoes to the window and
peeks out through the side of the shade.

Then she tiptoes over to the front door. Very carefully,
she removes the tape over the peephole. The hallway is empty.

(CONTINUED)
79.

115 CONTINUED: 115

She retapes the peephole.

Suddenly, the fridge lurches at her. It slides a good foot
towards her. She jumps and runs to her viewing chair.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Desperate, Suspenseful

Summary Harry and Tyrone, facing a dwindling drug supply and danger in their current location, decide to travel to Florida to buy drugs directly from the source. After some initial hesitation, Tyrone agrees to Harry's plan and they decide to ask Angel for a loan to cover their expenses.

Strengths

Building tension
Character development
High stakes

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel repetitive or cliché

General Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and actions. It's not clear why Harry and Tyrone suddenly decide to travel to Florida to buy drugs directly from the source.
The dialogue feels forced and unrealistic, especially the conversation between Harry and Tyrone about their impulsive decision to go to Florida.
The transition from the intense conversation between Harry and Tyrone to Sara's apartment is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative flow.
The sudden movement of the fridge towards Sara feels out of place and disconnected from the rest of the scene, adding an element of confusion rather than tension or suspense.
There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in this scene, making it challenging for the audience to connect with the characters' decisions and actions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Provide more context and build-up to Harry and Tyrone's decision to travel to Florida, establishing a clear motivation for their actions.
Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and circumstances.
Improve the transition between the intense conversation and Sara's apartment by creating a smoother segue that maintains the narrative coherence.
Consider revising the interaction with the fridge to make it more integrated into the overall tone and theme of the scene, enhancing the tension and suspense.
Focus on developing the emotional depth of the characters, allowing the audience to empathize with their struggles and decisions.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

116 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 116

Marion rips through the apartment as she searches for
something, anything.

She sinks to the floor and starts to sob. Just then, Harry
walks in on her on the floor.

MARION
(gets up, screams)
Where have you been? I’ve been
waiting all night.

HARRY
Where the hell do you think I’ve
been?

MARION
Where’s the score?

HARRY
Some dumb-ass junkie --

MARION
Did what? You fucked it up! Don’t
tell me you fucked it up!

HARRY
I didn’t fuck it up. Me and Ty have
a plan.

MARION
A plan!? I don’t want another plan,
I want my stuff!

HARRY
What the fuck’s wrong with you?

MARION
Me!? You promised that everything
was gonna be OK. I fucked that
sleazebag -- I put myself through
hell for you. So what the fuck do
you have for me?!

HARRY
What do you want from me?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
80.

116 CONTINUED: 116

HARRY (CONT'D)
I don’t have anything, nothing,
there’s nothing out there.

MARION
I don’t give a shit. You loser.
You fucking loser, I want you to
come through for me.

HARRY
Ya think I’m playin’ fuckin’ games,
for krist’s sake? You wanna have
some extra stuff?

Harry calls Tyrone. He grabs the picture of him and Marion
in front of the store.

HARRY
We were hipped to a dude that’s
holding some weight, but he ain’t
sellin’.

TYRONE
(off-screen)
Yeah.

HARRY
Give me that guy’s number. The guy
who likes broads.

TYRONE
(off-screen)
Big Tim? What for?

HARRY
Just give me the number, for krist’s
sake.

TYRONE
(off-screen)
OK, OK. Nine three four...

HARRY
You worried so goddam much...

Harry hangs up on Ty and hands Marion the number on the back
of the photo.

HARRY
Here, go fix yourself up with’im.
You won’t have to wait so long, and
I won’t have ta freeze my ass off in
the fuckin’ streets.

(CONTINUED)
81.

116 CONTINUED: (2) 116

MARION
Fuck you.

HARRY
No, fuck you!

Harry charges out of the apartment. Marion stares after
him.

We float out of focus.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Crime
Tone: Intense, Emotional, Confrontational

Summary Marion and Harry argue about a lost score, with Marion expressing desperation and anger. Harry reveals a plan but provides little detail, leaving Marion upset. He gives her a contact number before leaving, leaving her alone and distraught.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Emotional depth of characters
Effective conflict

Weaknesses

Drug addiction theme may be triggering for some audiences

General Critique

The scene starts with Marion in a state of distress, which is effectively conveyed through her frantic search and emotional outburst upon seeing Harry. This sets the tone for the conflict between them.
The dialogue between Marion and Harry is intense and emotional, reflecting their strained relationship and Marion's desperation for the 'score'. The back and forth argument adds to the tension of the scene.
There is a lack of clarity in Harry's explanation of the plan with Tyrone, which may confuse the audience. It would be beneficial to provide more context or details about the plan to make it more understandable.
The interaction between Harry and Tyrone over the phone feels disconnected as Tyrone's responses are off-screen. This could be improved by having both characters present in the scene or finding a way to make the phone conversation more engaging.
The scene ends abruptly with Harry giving Marion Big Tim's number, leaving the audience hanging without a clear resolution or closure to the conflict.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more context to Harry and Tyrone's plan to make it clearer for the audience.
Try to find a way to make the phone conversation between Harry and Tyrone more engaging, perhaps by having both characters present or using visual cues to enhance the interaction.
Provide a more definitive resolution to the conflict between Marion and Harry, giving the scene a sense of closure and direction.
Consider adding more visual elements or actions to enhance the emotional intensity of the scene, such as gestures or movements that reflect the characters' emotions.
Work on refining the dialogue to ensure it effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, while also advancing the plot in a clear and engaging manner.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

117 INT. SARA’S APARTMENT 117

Pop, hit, gulp, snap. The fridge lurches another foot towards
her.

She grabs the giant remote and flips on the TV. On the set
is Tappy Tibbons:

TAPPY TIBBONS
Now let’s meet our next winner.

She’s a beautiful woman with a winning sense of humor and a
magical smile. She’s really gonna win your heart. Straight
from Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, let’s give a juicy welcome to
our very own Mrs Sara Goldfarb.

Red Sara marches out to applause.

TAPPY AND AUDIENCE
Juice by Sara! Juice by Sara!
Juice by Sara! ooooOOOOH! Sara’s
got juice! Sara’s got juice!
ooooOOOOH Sara!

RED SARA
Thank you. Thank you. Oh Mr
Tibbons, it’s --

TAPPY TIBBONS
Tappy, please.

The fridge lurches again! She tries to ignore it and watch

TV:

RED SARA
OK, Tappy. It’s a pleasure to be
here.

TAPPY TIBBONS
Well, it’s a pleasure to have you.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
82.

117 CONTINUED: 117

TAPPY TIBBONS (CONT'D)
And that is one gorgeous outfit you
have.

RED SARA
Oh thank you, Tappy. I just want to
say hello to my husband, Seymour,
and my beautiful successful son,
Harold. Hello, Harold. I hope you’re
happy. I hope you’re in love. Please
come and see me and bring Marion,
won’t you?

The fridge slides closer. She fights not to look.

TAPPY TIBBONS
Hah hah. I’m sure he’ll be here
soon. It’s time to start now, are
you ready?

RED SARA
Oh yes. I’m ready, I’m ready.

TAPPY TIBBONS
After you...

Tappy motions towards the camera as the audience begins to
applaud.

And then, Red Sara disappears. Sara hears something.

She looks to her right and sees Red Sara standing in her
living room. Sara is shocked.

SARA
What are you doing?

Red Sara doesn’t answer, she just huffs and humphs as she
inspects the apartment.

SARA
Who are you? What do you want?

Red Sara continues to ignore her as she looks down her nose
at the apartment. Then Red Sara waves at Tappy Tibbons.

RED SARA
Tappy!

TAPPY TIBBONS
Oh, I thought you’d never ask.
Excuse me, everybody.

Tappy disappears from the screen. And now he too is with
Red Sara in Sara’s living room.

(CONTINUED)
83.

117 CONTINUED: (2) 117

Sara sits in her chair, dumbfounded. She starts to get more
and more upset as Tappy and Red Sara laugh at her furnishings
and chatchkas.

SARA
What do you expect? I’m all alone.

Could you do better? It’s an old building. Ten years no
painting, maybe more.

Red Sara and Tappy walk behind Sara’s chair towards the
windows.

SARA
I’m old. Alone. You don’t
understand. I’m trying. I’m trying.
Please, please, I’ll explain.

Now, Tappy and Red Sara laugh as they point at the TV. Sara
looks over. On the TV she sees herself in her viewing chair.

A giant, fanatic audience surrounds her -- laughing and
pointing.

Then there’s a giant C-R-A-C-K!!! as Sara’s walls split apart.
Suddenly, she’s on a television set. Two TV cameras slide
in on her.

A Make-up Artist and Sound Man bum rush her. The man tries
to put a mic on her while the woman tries to touch up her
face.

SARA
No! No! Please, leave me alone!

The studio audience is going bananas laughing at her.

Cameras and TV cables stretch across the floor. Then the
First Assistant Director by camera one cues her:

FIRST ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Ready, Mrs Goldfarb, three, two,
one...

He points at Sara and a bright spotlight falls on her.

Suddenly, Tappy and Red Sara lead a cha-cha line around Sara’s
lazy chair. Various weirdos, freaks and girls in bikinis
join in.

Sara is terrified.

The fridge leaps towards her. Sara cries onto her wrinkled
red dress.

(CONTINUED)
84.

117 CONTINUED: (3) 117

She sinks to the floor. She crawls to the TV and begs:

SARA
Oh please... please... let me on the
show... please... please... any
show... please...

The partying gets louder and louder. Red Sara is French
kissing Tappy Tibbons in Sara’s lazy chair.

The fridge is only a few feet from her.

RED SARA
Feed me, Sara. Feed me.

Tappy joins in:

TAPPY TIBBONS
Feed me. Feed me.

Now the other freaks in the room and the studio crew:

FREAKS AND CREW
Feed me. Feed me. Feed me.

And now, the audience on the TV is chanting it:

AUDIENCE
Feed me. FEED ME. FEED ME.

The fridge towers over her. Suddenly, metal is tearing and
the fridge has a mouth. Freon sprays out of its opening.

The giant metal mouth lurches at Sara threatening to bite
her.

Sara screams and bolts out of her home leaving the front
door to her abandoned apartment wide open.

HARD CUT TO:

BLACK

ON THE THE SCREEN IN WHITE LETTERS: ’WINTER’

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller, Surreal
Tone: Terrifying, Surreal, Desperate

Summary Sara witnesses her deceased mother mocking her and her apartment on a cooking show. As the walls split apart, Sara finds herself on a television set, surrounded by a laughing studio audience and bizarre characters. The fridge transforms into a menacing metal mouth, threatening to devour her. Terrified, Sara flees her apartment.

Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Surreal and creative concept
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene is intense and surreal, with a mix of reality and hallucination that can be confusing for the audience.
The transition between Sara watching TV and seeing herself on the TV set surrounded by bizarre characters is abrupt and may need smoother execution.
The dialogue between Sara, Red Sara, and Tappy Tibbons is disjointed and could be more cohesive to enhance the storytelling.
The visual elements of the scene, such as the splitting walls and the chaotic TV set, add to the surreal atmosphere but may need clearer context for the audience to fully grasp.
The emotional journey of Sara from confusion to terror is well portrayed, but the escalation of the scene could be more gradual for better impact.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more context or visual cues to differentiate between reality and hallucination for the audience.
Work on smoothing out the transitions between different elements of the scene to improve the flow.
Refine the dialogue to make it more engaging and coherent, enhancing the interaction between the characters.
Clarify the visual elements to ensure they contribute effectively to the overall atmosphere and storytelling.
Gradually build up the tension and intensity of the scene to create a more impactful climax.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

118 EXT. BRIGHTON BEACH AVENUE - DAY 118

Sara manically marches down the street. The world shoots by
her. A train roars by on the elevated tracks up above.

CUT TO:
85.

119 INT. PONTIAC VENTURA CROSSING VERRAZANO’S BRIDGE - NIGHT 119

Harry and Tyrone ride in a beat-up 1972 Pontiac Ventura 2.

Harry drives.

TIGHT ON the car tuner. Tyrone spins the dial. Hip-hop
blasts on the radio.

Then Tyrone turns on the heat.

HARRY
Thank you, Angel.

TYRONE
Ah sure hope this mutha works. Ah
could use some heat.

Ty sparks a joint.

TYRONE
How long will it take?

HARRY
We’ll make it in a day, easy.

TYRONE
California, here we come.

HARRY
It’s Florida.

TYRONE
I know, Jim. I just feel like
breaking out into song.

Hands slap five. Harry cringes when Tyrone hits his hand.

CUT TO:

120 INT. D-TRAIN SUBWAY CAR - MOVING 120

Sara sits on the subway. Her hair sticks to her wet face.

She turns to the strangers across from her.

SARA
I’m going on television. Today I’ll
find out when.

It’s New York: of course she’s ignored.

CUT TO:
86.

121 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 121

Marion sobs into the phone. She shreds the upholstrey on
the couch.

MARION
Florida!? Florida!? When’s he gonna
be back?

ANGEL
(off-screen)
I don’t know. A few days.

MARION
Days!? What am I supposed, to do?
You gotta help me!

ANGEL
(off-screen)
It’s dry --

MARION
I can get you money, from my parents.

ANGEL
(off-screen)
Money means shit.

MARION
Please. Angel! Please!

ANGEL
(off-screen)
It’s a drought. I ain’t got nothing.

MARION
Please! Angel! Please!

CUT TO:

122 INT. MALIN & BLOCK - RECEPTION AREA 122

A Secretary looks up, startled. In front of her is Sara.

Sara’s hair and body are wet and she is wobbly.

The Secretary stares at Sara, not knowing what to do.

SARA
Why aren’t you calling me? I have
to know when I’m going to be on
television. I’m Sara Goldfarb and
you should tell me when I’m going to
be on television.

(CONTINUED)
87.

122 CONTINUED: 122

SECRETARY
Just sit for a moment. I’ll ring
them.

Sara wobbles to a chair. She’s confused and disorientated.

Some office women come out from inside the office and huddle
around her. Some security guards appear as well.

Sara tries to stand but she falls over amd lands back in the
chair.

The women tell her to stay seated.

SARA
I need to know when maybe you lost
my card, please, Dolly, you’ll look
and let --

OFFICE WOMAN
Get her a cup of soup. Tell Mary to
call an ambulance. Just relax,
Mrs Goldfarb, everything will --

SARA
(cries)
It’s not the prizes. I’ll give them
away to the poor, I just want to be
on the show. I’m waiting so long to
be on with my Harry and grandson --

The Secretary returns with a mug filled with soup.

SECRETARY
Here, Mrs Goldfarb, sip this.

OFFICE WOMAN
Sometimes it takes awhile to get
called for a show, Mrs Goldfarb.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Manic, Desperate, Confused, Emotional

Summary Amidst the bustle of New York City, Sara embarks on a manic journey while Harry and Tyrone seek solace in Florida. Amidst the confusion, Marion's desperate plea for help goes unanswered. As Sara's behavior becomes increasingly erratic, the office staff at Malin & Block grows concerned, leading to an ambulance being called for her assistance.

Strengths

Strong emotional impact
Compelling character motivations
High stakes and tension

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful
Slightly disjointed transitions

General Critique

The transition from Sara's manic march down the street to Harry and Tyrone riding in the car feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth connection between the two scenes.
The dialogue between Harry and Tyrone in the car feels a bit forced and lacks depth, making their interaction seem superficial and lacking in emotional resonance.
Sara's interaction on the subway where she shares her excitement about being on television is not believable as the strangers ignore her completely, making the scene feel unrealistic.
Marion's emotional breakdown on the phone with Angel lacks depth and complexity, with her desperation coming across as melodramatic rather than genuine.
Sara's encounter at Malin & Block feels rushed and chaotic, with the reactions of the office women and security guards not fully explored or developed.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between Sara's scene and Harry and Tyrone's scene to create a more cohesive flow in the screenplay.
Enhance the dialogue between Harry and Tyrone to add depth to their characters and make their interaction more engaging and meaningful.
Revisit Sara's interaction on the subway to make it more realistic and impactful, perhaps by adding subtle reactions from the strangers to reflect Sara's excitement.
Develop Marion's emotional breakdown with Angel to make it more authentic and nuanced, exploring her inner turmoil and desperation in a more subtle way.
Expand on Sara's encounter at Malin & Block to delve deeper into the reactions of the office women and security guards, adding layers to the scene and creating a more immersive experience for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

123 INT. PONTIAC VENTURA ON JERSEY TURNPIKE - DAWN 123

Tyrone drives. TIGHT ON the tuner. The radio plays
alternative rock.

TYRONE
Sheeit, the heater is just fine. I
guess this ain’t goin’ to be such a
bad trip.

HARRY
Yeah, it’s no big thing.

(CONTINUED)
88.

123 CONTINUED: 123

TYRONE
(checks odometer)
We’s a couple a hundred miles closer
to Miami, Jim. Let’s stop at the
next pit and take a taste.

HARRY
Yeah. Betta drop a few dexies too
and get some coffee.

TYRONE
Right on.

CUT TO:

124 INT. MALIN & BLOCK - RECEPTION AREA 124

A crowd watches Sara babble. Two Paramedics arrive.

PARAMEDIC
(to his partner)
Looks like shock.
(to Sara)
Can you walk?

SARA
I’m walking across the stage and you
should see my Harold on television.
We’re giving the prizes away. I
just want to be on television.

PARAMEDIC
(to women)
Do you know her name?

OFFICE WOMAN #1
We think it’s Sara Goldfarb.

SARA
The announcer is calling my Little
Red Riding Hood, call Seymour and
tell him to pick me up at the beauty
parlor. I’ve got the red dress I
wore at Harry’s graduation and the
gold shoes.

PARAMEDIC
(gently)
Okay, Mrs Goldfarb, let’s just take
it nice and easy. Here we go.

And the paramedics help poor Sara to her feet. They head to
the elevator. Sympathy from the staring office women.

CUT TO:
89.

125 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 125

Marion stares at Big Tim’s number. A moment later she picks
up the phone and dials.

BIG TIM
(off-screen)
Yeah?

Marion hangs up. A long beat. Then she dials again.

BIG TIM
(off-screen)
Yeah!?

MARION
(nervous)
Hi...

Big Tim lets go a big laugh.

CUT TO:

126 INT. AMBULANCE - MOVING 126

Sara is strapped to a gurney. She mumbles to herself.

SARA
Oh, Harry. I’m going to be on
television.

CUT TO:

127 INT. PONTIAC VENTURA PARKED IN HO JO LOT 127

Flick, sizzle, snap, suck, slap, rush, sigh...

Tyrone leans against the driver’s door -- high.

Harry rolls up his sleeve. Right in the crotch of his arm
is a nasty hole from shooting too much. It’s infected and
rings of red surround it.

TYRONE
Sheeit. How long you got that?

HARRY
A few days.

TYRONE
That don’t look too good, Jim.

HARRY
It don’t feel too good either. But
a little stuff’ll take care of that.

(CONTINUED)
90.

127 CONTINUED: 127

TYRONE
Don’t shoot in there.

HARRY
I’ll blow it if I don’t. Fuck it.

Flick, sizzle, snap, suck, slap -- break from the montage.

For the first time we see a TIGHT CLOSE-UP of a needle going
into the hole, then we end the montage -- rush, sigh...

CUT TO:

128 EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING ENTRANCE 128

A security camera studies Marion as she waits at the front
door. Buzz! Marion pushes the door open and enters.

CUT TO:

129 INT. BELLEVUE HOSPITAL 129

Sara, on her gurney, is pushed through crowded corridors of
a hospital. The noise and chaos reach her in surreal muffled
tones.

She’s mumbling to herself -- dreaming of being on television.

Then she’s slid into the emergency room.

Young, serious Doctor Spencer shines a light into her eyes.

Sara tries to smile.

DOCTOR SPENCER
No emergency. Take her to psyche.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Surreal, Disturbing, Intense, Confused

Summary The scene unfolds with multiple storylines intertwining: - Tyrone and Harry drive on the Turnpike, planning a drug stop. - Sara, delusional and in shock, is transported to the hospital. - Marion nervously calls Big Tim. - Harry injects drugs into an infected wound. - At the hospital, Sara's mental state prompts Doctor Spencer to recommend psychiatric care.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Surreal atmosphere
Character development

Weaknesses

Some scenes may be too intense for sensitive viewers

General Critique

The transition between the scenes feels a bit abrupt and disjointed. It may benefit from smoother transitions to help the audience follow the different storylines more easily.
The dialogue in the scene could be more impactful and revealing of the characters' emotions and motivations. Adding depth to the conversations can enhance the scene's effectiveness.
The visual descriptions could be more vivid and engaging to create a stronger visual impact for the audience. Adding more sensory details can help bring the scene to life.
The pacing of the scene could be improved by balancing the different storylines and giving each one enough time to develop. This can help maintain the audience's interest and engagement.
The emotional depth of the characters could be further explored to create a more compelling and relatable scene. Adding layers to the characters' emotions can make the scene more impactful.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider refining the transitions between the different storylines to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
Enhance the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' inner thoughts and feelings, adding depth to their interactions.
Add more descriptive details to the visuals to create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
Work on balancing the pacing of the scene by giving each storyline adequate attention and development.
Explore the emotional depth of the characters to create a more engaging and relatable scene for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

130 EXT. BIG TIM’S APARTMENT 130

Big Tim’s door opens wide, revealing an even wider Big Tim.

Big Tim is big in every way. His body is big, his smile is
big, his laugh is big and even his apartment is big.

BIG TIM
Come in.

He steps aside and Marion enters the huge living room with a
grand view of Prospect Park.

Big Tim takes her coat.

(CONTINUED)
91.

130 CONTINUED: 130

BIG TIM
Have a seat. What would you like?

MARION
(meek)
Nothing.

BIG TIM
Oh, you strictly a dope fien’?

Marion is startled by Big Tim’s comment. She recovers.

MARION
Oh, maybe I’ll have a little
chartreuse.

BIG TIM
Yellow or green?

MARION
(surprised)
Oh, ahhh...yellow.

Big Tim joins her with the drinks. He takes out a hash pipe
and sparks it. Marion is offered the pipe and she takes a
few pokes.

BIG TIM
What’s your name?

MARION
Marion.

Big Tim’s laugh is loud, deep and happy -- a presence of its
own.

BIG TIM
What you know, Maid Marion. I’m
Little John.

Big Tim pulls Marion into his chest. She lets him.

BIG TIM
You know what I like best about patty
chicks?

Marion smiles as she relaxes into him.

BIG TIM
They give good head. Black broads
don’t know nothing about giving head.
I don’t know why. Might be it has
something to do with some ancient
tribal custom.

(CONTINUED)
92.

130 CONTINUED: (2) 130

Big laugh from Big Tim. He pulls Marion up to him and kisses
her. After a beat, she kisses back. Then, he backs off.

BIG TIM
Better save some of that energy.

She lies down on his stomach. Gently he turns her head around
as he pulls out his penis.

She stares at Big Tim’s joint knowing what she’s supposed to
do but not being able to do it. Her insides tremble and
knot.

BIG TIM
I know it’s purty, baby, but I didn’t
take it out for air.

He nudges her and she grabs it and starts kissing it.

Suddenly, she stops. She’s going to be sick. Big Tim laughs
his big laugh and points to the bathroom.

BIG TIM
That way.

CUT TO:

131 INT. BIG TIM’S BATHROOM 131

Marion finishes barfing. She washes her face and mouth in
the sink. She looks up at herself. She’s trembling.

She shuts her eyes and we cut to --

BLACK -

We hear Marion breathe deeply. She collects herself.

Into the BLACK rushes streams of RED.

When she opens her eyes we are back in -

132 THE BATHROOM 132

Marion fixes her hair and smiles at herself.

CUT TO:

133 INT. BIG TIM’S LIVING ROOM 133

Big Tim laughs as Marion emerges from the bathroom.

MARION
Sorry. Must have been the chartreuse.

(CONTINUED)
93.

133 CONTINUED: 133

BIG TIM
Welcome back.

Marion’s smile turns into an eager grin. He chuckles as she
gets on her knees.

BIG TIM
Yeahhhh, little bo-peep done foun’
her sheep.

Big Tim laughs his big laugh as we --

CUT TO:

134 INT. PONTIAC VENTURA SOMEWHERE ON I-95 - HEADING SOUTH 134

Tyrone drives while Harry squirms. His arm hurts like hell.

TIGHT ON tuner. The radio plays country and western.

TYRONE
I told you to stay away from that
arm, man.

HARRY
I gotta call Marion.

Tyrone watches the odometer changes from 599 to 600.

TYRONE
Well, it’ll be long-distance now.
That’s six hundred. We six hundred
damn miles closer to Miami.

HARRY
Yeah. We’re also six hundred miles
away from New York.

Afraid now, Tyrone looks out the window. The landscape is
foreign and strange -- almost alien.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Dark, Intense, Disturbing, Tense

Summary Marion visits Big Tim's apartment where he offers her a drink and drugs. Big Tim then makes inappropriate advances towards Marion, leading her to get sick and retreat to the bathroom. After composing herself, Marion returns to the living room, ending the tense and uncomfortable scene.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Realistic character portrayals
Effective use of dialogue to convey emotions

Weaknesses

Graphic content may be disturbing to some viewers
Lack of resolution for certain plot points

General Critique

The scene at Big Tim's apartment is uncomfortable and disturbing, with Marion being pressured into a sexual encounter she is clearly uncomfortable with.
The dialogue and actions of Big Tim are highly inappropriate and contribute to a toxic and predatory atmosphere.
The scene lacks sensitivity and fails to address the issue of consent and boundaries in a responsible manner.
The portrayal of Marion's discomfort and distress is unsettling and could be triggering for some viewers.
The scene perpetuates harmful stereotypes and objectification of women.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the scene to focus on Marion asserting her boundaries and standing up to Big Tim, rather than being coerced into a situation she is uncomfortable with.
Ensure that the dialogue and actions of Big Tim are respectful and do not contribute to a predatory or toxic dynamic.
Address the issue of consent and portray a more empowering and respectful interaction between the characters.
Provide a resolution where Marion is able to assert herself and leave the situation if she is uncomfortable.
Consider the impact of the scene on the overall message and themes of the screenplay, and make adjustments to align with a more positive and respectful portrayal of relationships.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

135 INT. BIG TIM’S BATHROOM 135

After sex, Big Tim opens the door and leans up against the
doorway. Naked, he watches Marion as she finishes getting
dressed. Marion can’t look at herself in the mirror or at
Big Tim.

BIG TIM
You know, baby, I can fix it so you
can pick up a real, nice taste.
Though it’s more like play, baby.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
94.

135 CONTINUED: 135

BIG TIM (CONT'D)
Sunday night we’re having a gathering,
all good people --

MARION
(smiles)
No, I couldn’t. I’m busy. And I’m
not really hooked.

Big Tim laughs his big laugh and tosses her some bags.

BIG TIM
Yeah, I know. But I’m tellin’ ya’,
it’s a real nice taste.

Marion quickly grabs the bags and starts putting them in her
purse.

BIG TIM
What the fuck you doing?

MARION
(startled)
Nothing, I’m...

BIG TIM
Damn!
(laughs)
Damn, I got me some kinda virgin.
Now you gotta be kidding ol’ Tim,
you just got to be.

MARION
I don’t kn --

BIG TIM
You mean you not going to count what’s
there but you just going to be puttin’
it in your pocketbook and just walk
out in the street? Damn! You sure
haven’t been around long, baby.

MARION
(flushed)
I’m not exactly a naive school girl,
I... I... I’ve been all through Europe
an’... an’... and I’m just not --

BIG TIM
Sheeit, ain’t nothing to be ashamed
of, baby, we all gotta get down with
it for the first time. I ain’t bad
rappinya. I just don’t want to see
you get ripped off.

(CONTINUED)
95.

135 CONTINUED: (2) 135

Sheeit, you earned that baby and you sure as hell don’t want
to donate it to some purse snatcher.

He laughs. Marion smiles.

BIG TIM
Lookit, there be one place you can
stash ol’ doogie without you worrying
about it be accidently getting in
the wrong hands, you dig? Ain’t no
purse snatcher or mugger going to
rip you off there, baby.

As Marion catches on she flushes and nods her head.

Big Tim laughs his big laugh as he wanders into the living
room.

BIG TIM
I’ll see you Sunday, Maid Marion.

Then Marion lifts up her skirt and does the deed.

CUT TO:

136 INT. PSYCHE WARD 136

Sara is strapped to a hospital bed. She sobs to herself.

The grey ward is packed with twice as many beds as there
should be. Patients wander around in straitjackets. Screams
of agony and pain barely reach her ears.

Doctor Spencer addresses Sara and tries to calm her.

DOCTOR SPENCER
Mrs Goldfarb. Please try and answer
me. When did you start taking the
pills?

SARA
When? The summer... Oh, this summer.
I got a special place in the sun.
Ada fixed my hair.

DOCTOR SPENCER
You started in the summer. Last
summer? OK Mrs Goldfarb, everything
will be alright, we’ll fix you up in
no time.

SARA
(grins)
You’re a good boy, Harold.

(CONTINUED)
96.

136 CONTINUED: 136

And for a moment, Doctor Spencer is Harry -- golden smile
and all.

CUT TO:

137 INT. MARION’S BATHROOM 137

We look down on Marion’s back from above the tub. She is
bent over, her head beneath the water between her knees.

She holds her breath for an eternity...

Then, we look into her face as she screams. Air bubbles
shoot to the surface.

CUT TO:

138 EXT. I-95 - MAYBE GEORGIA 138

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Dark, Intense, Disturbing

Summary In Big Tim's bathroom, he pressures Marion to join a gathering and offers drugs, exposing Marion's internal struggle. Meanwhile, in a psych ward, Sara faces a different kind of turmoil as she interacts with Dr. Spencer. The scene culminates in Marion's desperate scream underwater, leaving a haunting note of tension and conflict.

Strengths

Intense character portrayal
Emotional depth
Tension-building

Weaknesses

Graphic content
Disturbing themes

General Critique

The scene in Big Tim's bathroom after the sexual encounter between Big Tim and Marion is uncomfortable and tense, which is effective in conveying the power dynamics and Marion's discomfort.
The dialogue between Big Tim and Marion effectively showcases Big Tim's predatory behavior and Marion's unease, adding depth to their characters.
The visual elements in the scene, such as Marion's body language and Big Tim's imposing presence, enhance the tension and discomfort felt by the audience.
The transition to the psych ward with Sara strapped to a hospital bed adds a stark contrast to the previous scene, highlighting the different struggles and challenges faced by the characters.
The interaction between Doctor Spencer and Sara in the psych ward reveals Sara's delusional state and the impact of her pill addiction, creating a sense of empathy for her character.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or thoughts from Marion to provide insight into her emotions and mindset during the uncomfortable situation with Big Tim.
Explore the power dynamics between Big Tim and Marion further to deepen the tension and discomfort in the scene.
Enhance the visual cues in Marion's body language to convey her internal struggle and discomfort more explicitly.
Provide more context or background information on Big Tim's character to understand his motivations and behavior towards Marion.
Consider incorporating Sara's perspective or thoughts in the psych ward to give more depth to her character and the challenges she is facing.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

139 INT. PONTIAC VENTURA 139

Tyrone still drives.

There’s a preacher screaming gospel on the radio.

Harry squirms as he grabs his arm. He’s wincing in pain.

HARRY
Man, I can’t cut it. I gotta do
something about this arm.

TYRONE
Let’s see what it looks like.

Harry winces as he very carefully rolls up his sleeve.

The area around the hole is white and raised. Even worse,
the area around the white is slightly green. Also, a wide,
dark red streak reaches down his arm towards his hand.

They both stare at it for a moment.

HARRY
Oh man.

TYRONE
Sheeit, that be the ugliest mothafucka
I’ve ever seen.

HARRY
I gotta call Marion.

(CONTINUED)
97.

139 CONTINUED: 139

TYRONE
Let’s find a hospital first.

CUT TO:

140 INT. PSYCHE WARD 140

A needle puntures Sara’s arm. The Nurse wipes off the blood
that spills out.

In a surreal moment, the world slows down. Real slow.

Sara’s tongue sticks to the top of her mouth. She pries it
off with a rattling smack in her brain. Her mouth is dry
and small drops of foam form on the sides of her chapped
lips.

CUT TO:

141 INT. SOUTHERN DOCTOR’S EXAMINATION ROOM 141

To try and disperse the pain, Harry marches around the
examination room. The pain is excruciating.

A grey-haired Southern Doctor comes in.

SOUTHERN DOCTOR
What’s the problem?

HARRY
My arm, it’s killing me.

The Doctor looks for a moment. Then, he grabs Harry’s arm
and looks at it. Harry winces in pain.

SOUTHERN DOCTOR
I’ll be back in a minute.

The Doctor leaves.

CUT TO:

142 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 142

Marion stares at an empty pile of bags in front of her.

Then she stares at the photo of her and Harry in front of
the store. Next, she flips it over and looks at Big Tim’s
number. A moment later she picks it up and dials Big Tim.

BIG TIM
(off-screen)
Yeah!?

(CONTINUED)
98.

142 CONTINUED: 142

MARION
(nervous)
Hi...

Big Tim lets go a big laugh.

CUT TO:

143 INT. PSYCHE WARD 143

Two Male Attendants enter with a tray of food. They joke
with each other and barely notice Sara.

They try to lift Sara up but she can’t support herself.

Then they try harder and they shove her into a sitting
position. One of the attendants puts some food in her mouth.

She tries to swallow, but her throat isn’t working.

ATTENDANT
(slow motion)
S-w-a-l-l-o-w! S-w-a-l-l-o-w!

But the food just dribbles out the side. As they continue
their conversation about the Jets, they grab her and force
the food down her throat by holding her nose and keeping her
mouth shut.

Her eyes blast open in terror. Her head beats thunderously
in her ears.

CUT TO:

144 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 144

Marion puts mascara on her left eye. Then she puts on some
clothes.

CUT TO:

145 INT. SOUTHERN DOCTOR’S WAITING ROOM 145

Tyrone fills through an old copy of Fortune Magazine. He
tries to ignore all the white folks gawking at him.

Then he spots a pair of boots standing in front of him.

Next, he spots the gun and baton.

Tyrone looks up into a towering Highway Cop’s stern glare.

Cuff one wrist, cuff the other.

CUT TO:
99.

146 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 146

TIGHT ON Marion’s right eye as she carefully applies mascara.

She puts on some more clothes.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Disturbing, Surreal, Intense

Summary Tyrone and Harry seek medical attention for Harry's infected arm, while Sara endures force-feeding in a psyche ward. Marion contacts Big Tim, and Tyrone is arrested by a highway cop, leaving the situation fraught with tension and uncertainty.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Effective tension-building
Compelling character struggles

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful
Surreal elements may be confusing for some viewers

General Critique

The scene transitions between multiple locations and characters quite abruptly, which can be disorienting for the audience.
The visual descriptions of Harry's infected arm and Sara's forced feeding in the psyche ward are vivid and unsettling, adding to the overall tone of chaos and discomfort.
The surreal moments with Sara's tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth and the slow motion actions of the attendants in the psyche ward create a sense of unease and confusion.
The dialogue between the characters, especially in the psyche ward, conveys the distressing and disturbing nature of the situations they are in.
The scene effectively builds tension and sets up further conflicts and resolutions for the characters.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider smoothing out the transitions between locations and characters to make the scene flow more seamlessly.
Focus on maintaining a consistent tone throughout the scene to enhance the emotional impact on the audience.
Explore ways to deepen the characterization and motivations of the characters in order to create more engaging and relatable interactions.
Consider incorporating more sensory details and emotional nuances to further immerse the audience in the intense and chaotic atmosphere of the scene.
Continue to build on the conflicts and resolutions introduced in the scene to drive the narrative forward and keep the audience invested in the characters' journeys.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

147 INT. PSYCHE WARD 147

Doctor Spencer towers over Sara. He reads her chart and is
concerned.

DOCTOR SPENCER
You have to eat, Mrs Goldfarb. If
we’re going to get you healthy again,
you have to eat. Try to work with
the attendants. I’m going to try
some new medications. They should
help us.

He pats her on the shoulder and walks away. Sara tries to
call for him, to make any noise, to plead, to do anything.

But she can’t.

A moment later, the two Male Attendants come for her. They
grab her and move her into a wheelchair. Restraints for her
arms and legs are slapped on.

They grab a clear plastic tube. They cover it with lubricant.

Then they try to slide it into her nose.

Sara struggles until one attendant grabs her head and whacks
it flat against a head rest.

ATTENDANT
OK, Miss, just relax. We’re gonna
try to help you to eat.

Pinned, they slide the tube into Sara’s nose, down her throat
and into her stomach.

Then the feeding begins.

CUT TO:

148 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 148

TIGHT ON Marion’s lips as she puts on lipstick. Marion smacks
her lips together.

Marion in front of the full-length mirror is dressed to the
hilt.

(CONTINUED)
100.

148 CONTINUED: 148

She makes last minute corrections to her outfit when the
phone rings.

Nervous, she answers.

MARION
Hello?

CUT TO:

149 INT. SOUTHERN JAIL PAYPHONE AREA - MARION’S APARTMENT 149

INTERCUT:

Harry in pain on the telephone. Marion sits by the phone.

HARRY
Marion.

MARION
Harry? Oh, Harry.

HARRY
Oh, Marion, I’ve been thinking about
you. You’re OK?

MARION
When you coming back?

HARRY
Soon. You’re holding out right?

MARION
When?

HARRY
Soon. Everything’s going to be
alright.

MARION
Will you come today?

HARRY
Yeah, soon. Just wait for me.
I’ll be back soon. You’ll wait,
right?

Marion doesn’t answer. She closes her eyes.

HARRY
Marion.

MARION
Yeah.

(CONTINUED)
101.

149 CONTINUED: 149

HARRY
Just wait.

MARION
I will, Harry.

HARRY
I’m coming, Marion. I am. And I’m
sorry. I’m real sorry.

MARION
I know, Harry. I know.

A long beat. Silence. Slowly Marion hangs up.

150 BY THE PAYPHONES 150

-- Harry hangs up. His sobs turns into his pain. His pain

turns into his misery.

151 IN MARION’S APARTMENT 151

-- Marion hangs up and wipes away her tears. She catches
her image in the mirror and quickly finishes her mascara.

Then: Crinkle, sprinkle, flick, drift, suck, sigh...

CUT TO:

152 INT. PSYCHE WARD - HALLWAY 152

Sara is still strapped to the wheelchair. Doctor Spencer
smiles at her.

DOCTOR SPENCER
Mrs Goldfarb, are you alright?

Sara can’t respond. She can only look. Doctor Spencer tries
to be positive.

DOCTOR SPENCER
Mrs Goldfarb, we’ve tried several
medications and you don’t seem to be
responding. I believe we’ve come to
a point where we need to try some
alternative methods. We’ve had
excellent results with these
techniques in the past. So if I can
just get your John Hancock, we’ll
get underway.

(CONTINUED)
102.

152 CONTINUED: 152

Doctor Spencer hands Sara a pen. Somehow, she is able to
sign.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Disturbing, Intense, Emotional

Summary Sara is forcibly fed through a tube in a psyche ward. Marion prepares for a date while Harry, in pain, calls her from jail. Doctor Spencer informs Sara of new alternative treatment methods.

Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Compelling character development
Exploration of dark themes

Weaknesses

Potentially triggering content
Graphic and disturbing scenes

General Critique

The scene in the psyche ward with Sara being forcibly fed through a tube is disturbing and intense, which may be difficult for some viewers to watch.
The use of restraints and the insertion of a feeding tube into Sara's nose and throat may be triggering for some audience members due to the graphic nature of the scene.
The contrast between Marion getting ready for a date and Harry's painful phone call from jail creates a disjointed transition that could be smoother.
The emotional impact of the scene is powerful but could benefit from more nuanced character development and dialogue to enhance the viewer's connection to the characters.
The scene lacks a clear resolution or closure for the characters, leaving the audience with a sense of unease and uncertainty.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider toning down the graphic nature of the feeding tube scene to make it more palatable for viewers while still conveying the intensity of the situation.
Work on creating a smoother transition between the different storylines to maintain the flow of the narrative and keep the audience engaged.
Focus on developing the characters further through meaningful dialogue and actions to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
Provide a clearer resolution or closure for the characters to give the audience a sense of completion and satisfaction at the end of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

153 INT. HOLDING TANK 153

Harry is withdrawing in pain on his bunk. Tyrone is at the
bars, sweating and dying.

HARRY
Jesus krist. I need a doctor.

TYRONE
(through bars)
My friend needs a doctor. Please.
He needs a doctor.

HARRY
I won’t make it.

TYRONE
(to Harry)
Just hang tough, baby. Just hang
tough.

HARRY
Please! Please, Ma! Help me.

TYRONE
(through bars)
Help! Please!

HARRY
Please, Maaaaaa!

CUT TO:

154 INT. PSYCHE WARD - HALLWAY 154

Sara is quickly unstrapped from her wheelchair. She’s lifted
up and placed onto a gurney. Her head hangs, lifeless.

Then she’s strapped down.

CUT TO:

155 INT. BIG TIM’S LUSH PAD 155

TIGHT ON Marion’s hand knocking on Big Tim’s front door.

TIGHT ON Big Tim’s famous smile:

(CONTINUED)
103.

155 CONTINUED: 155

BIG TIM
Maid Marion. Welcome.

CUT TO:

156 INT. PSYCHE WARD - HALLWAY 156

Sara is wheeled quickly through the halls of the asylum.

CUT TO:

157 EXT. HOLDING TANK 157

Tyrone tries to keep Harry in line with all the convicts but
Harry can barely stand.

A Court Doctor, followed by two Guards, moves from prisoner
to prisoner.

Bored to death he looks into each prisoner’s eyes with a
mini-mag and says:

COURT DOCTOR
Can you hear me? Can you see me?

EACH PRISONER RESPONDS:

PRISONER
Yes, sir.

The doctor checks a box on a piece of paper.

COURT DOCTOR
OK for work.

The Guards chuckle.

CUT TO:

158 INT. PSYCHE WARD - HALLWAY 158

Sara continues her trip on the gurney. Terror enters her
heart.

CUT TO:

159 EXT. HOLDING TANK 159

Now it’s Tyrone’s turn.

COURT DOCTOR
Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Tyrone nods. That isn’t good enough, and so a guard whacks
him in the back of the head.

(CONTINUED)
104.

159 CONTINUED: 159

GUARD
Say ’sir’, nigga. God damn New Yawk
dope fien’ niggas. Learn some
manners.

COURT DOCTOR
Can you hear me? Can you see me?

TYRONE
Yes, sir.

GUARD
Good boy.

They chuckle. The doctor moves down to Harry.

Harry can barely stand. His eyes are glazed over.

COURT DOCTOR
Can you hear me? Can you see me?

GUARD
Says he’s got something wrong with
his arm.

The doctor yanks Harry’s sleeve up. Lightning pain:

HARRY
(scream)
Ma...

Harry collapses. The guards laugh at him as they pick him
up.

GUARD
Your mommy isn’t here.

The doctor looks at Harry’s arm. The guards grab their noses
and almost yack from the smell.

COURT DOCTOR
I don’t think you’ll be putting any
more dope in that arm.

GUARD
Damn, it smells worse than he do.

COURT DOCTOR
Better get him over to the hospital.
I don’t expect he’ll live out the
week.

CUT TO:
105.

160 INT. PSYCHE WARD - SHOCK THERAPY ROOM 160

Sara is unstrapped from the gurney. Then she is lifted off
the gurney and laid on a table. Next she is strapped to the
table.

She tries to struggle but the hands are too many, too strong.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Intense, Disturbing, Desperate

Summary Harry is in agonizing pain while Sara is prepared for shock therapy. Tyrone pleads for medical attention, but the guards laugh at them. Harry's condition worsens and he is taken to the hospital.

Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Compelling character development
High stakes and tension

Weaknesses

Graphic and disturbing content may be triggering for some audiences

General Critique

The scene transitions between multiple locations and characters quite abruptly, which can be disorienting for the audience.
The emotional intensity of the scene is high, with characters in distress and facing difficult situations, but the impact of these emotions could be heightened with more nuanced dialogue and character interactions.
The scene lacks a clear through-line or central conflict, making it feel disjointed and lacking in focus.
The visual descriptions are vivid and impactful, but the transitions between different settings could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.
The dialogue feels somewhat repetitive and could benefit from more variation in tone and content to keep the audience engaged.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on one central location or conflict to provide more clarity and coherence.
Work on developing the emotional arcs of the characters more deeply to create a stronger connection with the audience.
Introduce more subtext and layers to the dialogue to add complexity and depth to the interactions between characters.
Smooth out the transitions between different locations and characters to improve the overall pacing and flow of the scene.
Consider adding a clear resolution or climax to the scene to provide a sense of closure and impact for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

161 INT. BIG TIM’S LUSH PAD 161

We hear twenty men cheer as we glimpse into the room.

They’re all wearing suits and holding flashlights.

TIGHT ON Marion’s shocked face. TIGHT ON Big Tim’s knowing
smile. TIGHT ON cigars in strangers’ mouths. TIGHT ON male
hands clapping. TIGHT ON empty faces of five other pretty
women checking out Marion.

BIG TIM
(whispering to Marion)
They be six of you cuttin’ up an
entire piece.

Marion looks at him.

BIG TIM
An’ it be real good.

Marion accepts it. Then...

TIGHT ON Big Tim’s famous smile:

BIG TIM
Show time.

The men shine their lights on Marion’s clothed tits, her
privates.

CUT TO:

162 INT. PSYCHE WARD - SHOCK THERAPY ROOM 162

Someone sticks something between Sara’s teeth. The people
around her talk casually and laugh occasionally.

She tries to look around but her body is immobile.

She can make out shadows on the edges of her vision but mostly
all she sees are the lights above her.

(CONTINUED)
106.

162 CONTINUED: 162

Then she feels two cold metal discs placed against her
temples.

CUT TO:

163 INT. EMERGENCY OPERATING ROOM 163

Harry is thrown onto an operating table. His clothes are
gone in a blink of the eye.

A serious and focused Emergency Doctor steps in.

EMERGENCY DOCTOR
We’re taking it off at the shoulder.

Let’s move here people, otherwise we lose him.

Harry remains semiconscious as the Anesthesiologist sticks a
mask over his face.

Everything starts to go white. The Emergency Doctor starts
up a circular saw.

Before everything is gone, Harry witnesses the doctor cutting
into his shoulder.

CUT TO:

164 INT. PSYCHE WARD 164

Sara’s heart pounds in her ears. She tries to scream, but a
Technician interrupts her:

TECHNICIAN
(off-screen)
OK, ready and one.

SMASH CUT TO:

BLINDING PRIMARY RED
We hear a crowd cheer!

CUT TO:

165 INT. BIG TIM’S LUSH PAD 165

In slow motion and tight close-ups we experience the orgy
with Marion.

There’s nipples, tongues, sex toys, eyes closed in ecstasy,
men’s glares, men’s smiles and the like. The images aren’t
sexy, they’re scary.

One of the girls holds up a double-headed dildo and says:

(CONTINUED)
107.

165 CONTINUED: 165

GIRL
What should we do now?

PERVERT SCREAMS OUT:

PERVERT
Ass to ass, ass to ass!

Marion complies and the flashlights shine. Then the Pervert
starts a chant:

PERVERT
Cum! Cum!

The other men join in as the pace quickens.

PERVERT AND ALL THE MEN
(building in pace and
volume)
Cum! Cum! CUM! CUM! CUM!! CUM!!!

Marion is at first afraid. Then, she closes her eyes. Her
lips start to quiver. Big Tim’s smile gets wider and wider
and wider.

And then Marion comes.

CUT TO:

166 INT. PSYCHE WARD - SHOCK THERAPY ROOM 166

Sara’s arched and stiffened body looks as if fire has just
shot through her body.

Her eyes are almost popping out of her head as her mind
screams AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

She settles for a moment on the table.

Her heart does not beat, her lungs do not breathe.

A moment later, the breath returns. Then the heartbeat slowly
emerges. And then, the Technician:

TECHNICIAN
OK, ready and two.

SMASH CUT TO:

PRIMARY RED
A crowd cheers!

THEN WE FADE TO:
108.

167 PRIMARY BLUE 167

Then we --

CUT BACK TO:

168 INT. PSYCHE WARD 168

Once again Sara tries to scream in pain. Flames seem to
sear every cell of her body and her bones feel like they are
being twisted and crushed.

Smoke simmers off of her hair and skin.

As her body settles, it happens one last time:

TECHNICIAN
OK, ready and three.

SMASH CUT TO:

169 PRIMARY BLUE 169

The crowd cheers once more.

DISSOLVE TO:

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Dark, Disturbing, Intense

Summary The scene alternates between a disturbing orgy at Big Tim's lush pad where Marion is coerced into participating, a shock therapy room in a psyche ward where Sara undergoes painful treatment, and Harry undergoing a gruesome surgery. The conflicts of coercion, manipulation, pain, and trauma are highlighted in this dark and intense scene.

Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Compelling character development
Gripping plot progression

Weaknesses

Graphic and disturbing content may be unsettling for some viewers

General Critique

The scene alternates between a disturbing orgy at Big Tim's lush pad and the shock therapy room in a psyche ward, creating a stark contrast between two intense and unsettling environments.
The graphic and explicit descriptions of the orgy and the shock therapy add to the disturbing and uncomfortable tone of the scene, which may be too intense for some audiences.
The scene delves into themes of manipulation, coercion, and extreme physical and psychological distress, which can be emotionally challenging for viewers.
The use of primary colors like red and blue to signify intense emotional states adds a surreal and heightened visual element to the scene, enhancing the overall impact.
The scene effectively conveys the sense of helplessness, pain, and trauma experienced by the characters, particularly Sara and Marion, through vivid descriptions and sensory details.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider toning down the graphic descriptions of the orgy and the shock therapy to make the scene more palatable for a wider audience while still conveying the necessary emotional impact.
Focus on the psychological and emotional turmoil of the characters in a more subtle and nuanced way, rather than relying on explicit and shocking imagery.
Explore alternative ways to depict the characters' struggles and traumas, such as through dialogue, internal monologue, or symbolic imagery, to engage the audience without resorting to graphic content.
Consider balancing the intense and disturbing elements of the scene with moments of introspection, reflection, or character development to provide depth and complexity to the narrative.
Ensure that the scene serves a clear purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters, rather than relying solely on shock value or sensationalism to evoke a reaction from the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

170 EXT. CONEY ISLAND PIER 170

The pier stretches off into the beautiful sea. A woman in a
red dress walks a baby carriage.

Now we’re on Harry, looking healthy and vibrant. He screams
for Marion!

But she doesn’t hear him and she keeps walking. He runs
after them.

When he gets close, he suddenly stops. Marion turns around.

He reaches to hug her. But, as he does we are in --

BLACK

Harry gets terrified. He starts to scream for Marion.

HARRY
Marion? Marion?!

He steps backwards off the edge of a cliff and rushes
headfirst into a concrete sidewalk as he screams:

HARRY
MARION!

(CONTINUED)
109.

170 CONTINUED: 170

And we --

CUT TO:

171 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 171

An Angelic Nurse looks down upon Harry. Tubes stick into
every part of him. His eyes are half-open.

She wipes the sweat from his brow.

HARRY
Marion.

ANGELIC NURSE
It’s alright. Don’t worry. You’re
in a hospital and you’re going to be
just fine.

HARRY
Marion. Marion.

ANGELIC NURSE
Who’s that? She’ll be sent for.
She’ll come. She loves you and she’ll
come.

Then Harry opens his eyes fully. For a moment he understands.

He is an adult and he is calm.

HARRY
No.

ANGELIC NURSE
No?

HARRY
No. She won’t.

ANGELIC NURSE
She’ll come.

HARRY
No. She won’t.

And then Harry starts to cry. As we float up high above his
bed we watch him curl into a ball.

CUT TO:

172 EXT. JAIL MACHINE SHOP 172

Tyrone drills holes into metal plates with an oversized
machine. He dry heaves and fights to stay in his seat.

(CONTINUED)
110.

172 CONTINUED: 172

A Laughing Guard snickers at him.

CUT TO:

173 INT. MARION’S APARTMENT 173

At the foot of Marion’s couch are the torn and smeared
sketches of Marion’s designs.

Marion comes in through the front door. She walks across
the sketches and sits on the couch. She has lipstick smeared
across her face.

She pulls out a large bag of dope and stares at it. Happily,
she fondles the bag. Then, she hugs it tight against her
bosom. Slowly, she curls up into a fetal position, content.

CUT TO:

174 INT. JAIL DORMITORY 174

The work gang collapse onto their individual bunks. Tyrone,
sweaty and dirty, does the same.

He fights the cramps in his stomach for as long as he can
until he passes out.

Then, Tyrone and his bed dissolve into the past. Young Tyrone
rests in his mom’s generous arms.

Finally, it is peaceful. Tyrone’s mom brushes the tears
from his eyes.

TYRONE’S MOTHER
How’s your tummy feel?

YOUNG TYRONE
It’s mostly gone, Momma. I doan’
need no more medicine.

TYRONE’S MOTHER
That’s my big boy.

He looks up at his mom as she starts to sing ’Hush little
baby’.

YOUNG TYRONE
Your breath be all nice an’ sweet,
Mommy.

She hugs her son tight.

(CONTINUED)
111.

174 CONTINUED: 174

TYRONE’S MOTHER
The sweetness be in you, child, the
sweetness be in you.

CUT TO:

175 INT. PSYCHE WARD - VISITING ROOM 175

Ada and Rae sit in the corner of the room stunned by their
surroundings. Mounted on the wall is a television. Tappy
Tibbons is on. No one is watching.

Sara shuffles towards them and they barely recognize her.

Her grey roots match her grey skin which matches her grey
gown.

Ada starts taking food out of a large shopping bag.

ADA
We got some lox and cream cheese and
bagels and blintzes with sour cream
and some danishes and pastrami and
chopped liver on rye with mustard
and onions and a container of tea
and... How are you, Dolly?

But Sara doesn’t answer. She can’t. They put their hands
on their friend’s shoulders but nothing seems to reach her.

Then they notice that water is dripping down Sara’s leg and
onto the floor. Sara has urinated on herself.

CUT TO:

176 EXT. BUS STOP 176

Ada and Rae sit waiting for the bus on a grey day in front
of a grey building. Tears flow from their eyes. They hug
each other.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Psychological Thriller
Tone: Dark, Intense, Disturbing

Summary Harry's search for Marion ends in heartbreak, Tyrone suffers in silence, and Sara's mental health deteriorates. Ada and Rae's visit to Sara highlights their shared pain.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Intense atmosphere
Character development

Weaknesses

Graphic content may be disturbing to some viewers

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from Harry running after Marion on the pier to him falling off a cliff and injuring himself, which may confuse the audience.
The emotional impact of Harry's fall and subsequent hospitalization could be heightened with more build-up and development of his relationship with Marion.
The shift from Harry's intense emotional state to the Angelic Nurse's calm demeanor may feel disjointed and could benefit from smoother transitions.
The scene lacks clarity in conveying the connection between Harry's hallucinations and his real-life situation, making it challenging for the audience to fully grasp the significance of his experiences.
The parallel storylines of Tyrone in the jail machine shop, Marion in her apartment, and Young Tyrone with his mother feel disconnected and could be better integrated into the overall narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more context or flashbacks to establish the depth of Harry and Marion's relationship before the dramatic fall scene.
Provide clearer transitions between Harry's hallucinations and reality to help the audience understand the significance of his experiences.
Integrate the parallel storylines more effectively by finding thematic connections or visual motifs that tie them together.
Explore ways to enhance the emotional impact of Harry's hospitalization and Tyrone's struggles in the machine shop to create a more cohesive and engaging scene.
Consider revising the pacing and structure of the scene to ensure a smoother flow and better convey the emotional journey of the characters.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

177 INT. PSYCHE WARD 177

Sara lies on her bed. A tiny smile emerges on her face.

We get closer and closer to her until we go into the blackness
of her pupil.

Deep in the blackness we see another world. It is a world
of PRIMARY BLUE. And sucking us into the blue is the roar
of a crowd.

And there with a giant smile is good ol’ Tappy in black tie.

(CONTINUED)
112.

177 CONTINUED: 177

He looks into the camera and says:

TAPPY TIBBONS
And our next winner is that delightful
personality, straight from Brighton
Beach, Brooklyn, please give a juicy
welcome to Mrs Goldfarb.

Red Sara steps out and joins Tappy. She’s overwhelmed.

TAPPY AND AUDIENCE
Juice by Sara! Juice by Sara!
Juice by Sara! ooooOOOOH! Sara’s
got juice! Sara’s got juice!
ooooOOOOH Sara!

TAPPY TIBBONS
And Mrs Goldfarb, that’s not it.
I’m delighted to tell you that you’ve
just won the grand prize.

RED SARA
Really?

TAPPY TIBBONS
Yes! How does it feel?!

RED SARA
It feels great. I feel wonderful.
I feel amazing. This is great!

The audience goes crazy, they love it. And they start to
chant:

AUDIENCE
We love Sara! We love Sara!

The chant continues...

TAPPY TIBBONS
They love you, Sara.

RED SARA
I love them. Oh, I love them.

TAPPY TIBBONS
Now let me show you what you’ve won.
Your prize has a sweet smile and his
own private business. He just got
engaged and he’s planning to get
married this summer. Will you please
give a juicy welcome to Mrs Sara
Goldfarb’s one and only son --
Harry Goldfarb!

(CONTINUED)
113.

177 CONTINUED: (2) 177

Harry walks out from back. The audience are out of their
seats, screaming at the tops of their lungs. Sara is gushing!

TAPPY AND AUDIENCE
Juice by Harry! Juice by Harry!
Juice by Harry! ooooOOOOH! Harry’s
got juice! Harry’s got juice!
ooooOOOOH Harry!

Harry walks out and hugs his mother.

RED SARA
Oh Harry, Harry, Harry. I love you,
Harry.

HARRY
I love you too, Ma.

They hug and they hug as the audience scream their applause.

A smile fills Sara’s beautiful face. Happiness. Total and
complete love.

Except for the truth, the nagging reality. It means tears
for Sara and her sparkling eyes well up with fantastic, warm
tears.

But they don’t damage her glorious smile.

FADE TO BLACK:

CREDITS ROLL

Genres: Drama, Fantasy
Tone: Joyful, Surreal, Emotional

Summary Sara, a patient in a psychiatric ward, imagines herself in a vibrant blue world, having won a contest with her son Harry by her side. The crowd erupts in cheers, but beneath her joy, Sara's tears betray the reality of her situation.

Strengths

Powerful emotional impact
Innovative use of dream sequence
Deep exploration of character emotions

Weaknesses

Limited external plot progression
Lack of interaction between characters in the dream sequence

General Critique

The scene lacks clarity in terms of transitioning from Sara lying on her bed in the psyche ward to the imaginary world of PRIMARY BLUE with Tappy Tibbons announcing her as the winner of a contest.
The dialogue between Tappy Tibbons and Sara feels a bit cliched and lacks depth, making it less impactful.
The audience chanting 'Juice by Sara' and 'Juice by Harry' feels forced and unrealistic, taking away from the emotional impact of the scene.
The emotional journey of Sara from feeling overwhelmed to feeling great and amazing needs more development and nuance to make it more believable and engaging.
The transition from Sara's overwhelming happiness to the reality of her situation with tears in her eyes could be smoother and more emotionally resonant.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more depth and complexity to the dialogue between Tappy Tibbons and Sara to make it more authentic and engaging.
Focus on creating a more seamless transition from Sara's imaginary world of winning a contest to the reality of her situation in the psyche ward.
Explore ways to make the audience's reaction and chanting more organic and realistic to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
Develop Sara's emotional journey in a more nuanced way to make her character arc more compelling and relatable.
Work on the transition from Sara's initial overwhelming happiness to the reality of her situation with tears in her eyes to create a more impactful and emotionally resonant moment.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Requiem for a dream

Executive Summary

Pass/Consider/Recommend/Highly Recommend

Engine: Gemini

Recommend

Engine: Claude

Recommend

Promo

Overview

Market Analysis

Scene Level Percentiles

Script Level Percentiles

Emotions Elicited Percentiles

Writer's Voice

Story Shape

Emotions Elicited

Engine: Gemini

Recommend

Executive Summary

Engine: Claude

Recommend

Executive Summary

Screenplay Insights:

Screenplay Story Analysis

Harry - Score: 79/100

Role

Personality

Scenes

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 7/10

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Scene Impact 8/10

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

MBTI: infp

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Enneagram: 4w3

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Marion - Score: 85/100

Role

Personality

Scenes

Character Analysis Overview