the pursuit of happyness

Executive Summary

Pass/Consider/Recommend/Highly Recommend

This changed recently. Ratings are subjective. So you get two engines' ratings to compare.

Engine: Gemini

Recommend

Explanation: The Pursuit of Happyness is a compelling and emotionally resonant screenplay with a powerful theme of perseverance and the importance of family. Will Smith's performance and the father-son relationship are the standout strengths. While there are opportunities for further character development and a deeper exploration of societal issues, the screenplay's overall pacing and narrative strength make it a highly recommendable project with strong commercial potential.

Engine: GPT4

Recommend

Explanation: The screenplay 'The Pursuit of Happyness' is a compelling narrative that effectively portrays the emotional and financial struggles of Chris Gardner. It offers a satisfying resolution and realistic character interactions that enhance its authenticity. While it could benefit from streamlined scenes and deeper secondary character development, its universal appeal and strong emotional hook make it a recommendable project.

See Full Analysis

Overview

Genres: Drama, Family, Thriller, Slice of Life, Biography, Comedy, Sports, Finance, Action, drama, family

Setting: 1976-1981, Venice, California and San Francisco

Overview: The screenplay for "The Pursuit of Happyness" achieves a commendable overall score of 8.1, reflecting its strengths in character development, emotional impact, and the compelling premise of a father's unwavering determination to overcome adversity. The story effectively captures the challenges of homelessness and poverty, while also celebrating the power of perseverance and the importance of family. However, there are opportunities to enhance the screenplay's depth, complexity, and originality to further elevate its impact and marketability.

Themes: Poverty and Homelessness, Fatherhood, Determination and Perseverance

Conflict and Stakes: Chris's struggle to find a job, provide for his family, and create a better future for his son amidst financial hardship and personal challenges

Overall Mood: Hopeful and Inspirational

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

Scene 1: Bittersweet, with a sense of determination and uncertainty as Chris faces challenges

Scene 5: Tense and suspenseful, as Chris desperately tries to catch the train and retrieve his application

Scene 10: Somber and emotional, as Chris struggles with personal and professional challenges

Standout Features:

Emotional Depth: The deep emotional connection between Chris and his son drives the heart of the story.

Real-Life Inspiration : Based on a true story, adding authenticity and resonance to the narrative.

Character Development : The growth and transformation of Chris as a character throughout the story.

Social Commentary : Explores themes of poverty, perseverance, and the American Dream.

Parent-Child Relationship : The bond between Chris and Christopher is a central and compelling aspect of the screenplay.

Comparable Scripts:

The Pursuit of Happyness (2006) Movie

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990-1996) TV Show

The Wire (2002-2008) TV Show

Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$15-20 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of drama and inspirational stories

Marketability: The story of overcoming adversity and the bond between a father and son has broad appeal and emotional resonance

The themes of resilience and hope are universal and relatable, attracting a diverse audience

The strong performances and emotional depth of the characters make it a compelling watch for audiences

Profit Potential: Moderate to high, with potential for critical acclaim and strong word-of-mouth leading to box office success

Scene Level Percentiles

This screenplay showcases strengths in emotional impact, character development, and originality. It would benefit from enhancing pacing, unpredictability, and dialogue to achieve a well-rounded and captivating narrative.

Script Level Percentiles

**The method of calculating these has just changed**
Characters: 8.1 See More
Premise: 8.8 See More
Structure: 7.8 See More
Theme: 7.4 See More
Visual Impact: 8.3 See More
Emotional Impact: 7.5 See More
Conflict: 7.8 See More
Originality: 8.5 See More

Emotions Elicited Percentiles

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."
This is a rough estimate of how the average intensity of emotions elicited in this script compare to all scripts in the Vault (all genres).
Higher isn't necessarily better. This is FYI.

Key Strengths

The screenplay excels in emotional impact, receiving a high percentile ranking of 77.2358, indicating its potential to effectively engage audiences on an emotional level.
The screenplay demonstrates strong character development, with a percentile ranking of 65.2893 for character changes, suggesting the characters undergo significant growth and transformation throughout the story.
The screenplay exhibits a distinctive style, as evidenced by its high originality score of 41.3265.

Areas for Improvement

The screenplay could benefit from a more engaging and dynamic pacing to maintain audience interest.
Consider enhancing the unpredictability of the plot to increase its appeal and captivate the audience.
The dialogue may require further refinement to enhance its effectiveness and impact on the screenplay.

Writer Style

The percentile patterns suggest a blend of intuitive and conceptual writing styles. The high character-related percentiles indicate an intuitive approach to character development, while the strong plot and concept percentiles hint at conceptual strengths.

Balancing Elements

To enhance the screenplay's overall impact, consider finding a harmonious balance between the emotional engagement and the pacing, ensuring that the emotional beats resonate with the audience while maintaining a captivating rhythm.
Explore ways to integrate the originality and unpredictability aspects into the plot and character development to create a cohesive and engaging narrative.

Intuition Level

Integrated

Overall Assessment

The screenplay has the potential to engage audiences emotionally and create memorable characters. However, it could benefit from refining pacing and unpredictability aspects to maximize its impact and appeal to a wider audience.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Script Premise	8.80	88	V for Vendetta: 8.70	Casablanca: 8.80
Script Visual Impact	8.30	88	Blackkklansman: 8.20	the pursuit of happyness: 8.30
Script Originality	8.50	84	Ex-Machina: 8.40	the pursuit of happyness: 8.50
Script Conflict	7.80	66	Cruel Intentions: 7.70	the pursuit of happyness: 7.80
Scene Emotional Impact	8.1	62	Pirates of the Caribbean: 8.0	Erin Brokovich: 8.1
Script Characters	8.10	61	Pirates of the Caribbean: 8.00	Erin Brokovich: 8.10
Script Structure	8.14	55	American Fiction: 8.13	the pursuit of happyness: 8.14
Overall Script	8.10	51	Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 8.06	the pursuit of happyness: 8.10
Scene Formatting	8.14	46	Belfast : 8.13	the pursuit of happyness: 8.14
Scene Character Changes	7.0	46	Zootopia: 6.9	the pursuit of happyness: 7.0
Script Structure	7.80	42	American Fiction: 7.70	fight Club: 7.80
Scene Internal Goal	8.02	33	Argo: 8.00	the pursuit of happyness: 8.02
Scene Pacing	8.17	33	Ted: 8.16	the pursuit of happyness: 8.17
Scene Originality	8.52	30	American Fiction: 8.50	the pursuit of happyness: 8.52
Scene High Stakes	6.8	30	Jojo rabbit: 6.7	the pursuit of happyness: 6.8
Script Emotional Impact	7.50	27	Sherlock Holmes: 7.40	the pursuit of happyness: 7.50
Scene External Goal	7.08	26	Elvis: 7.07	the pursuit of happyness: 7.08
Scene Characters	8.1	26	Memento: 8.0	the pursuit of happyness: 8.1
Scene Engagement	8.86	24	Nickel Boys : 8.85	the pursuit of happyness: 8.86
Scene Conflict Level	6.8	22	Jojo rabbit: 6.7	the pursuit of happyness: 6.8
Scene Concept	7.8	15	Swingers: 7.7	Erin Brokovich: 7.8
Scene Story Forward	7.4	14	Call me by your name: 7.3	the pursuit of happyness: 7.4
Scene Plot	7.4	12	Ted: 7.3	the pursuit of happyness: 7.4
Scene Unpredictability	7.00	10	Women talking: 6.99	the pursuit of happyness: 7.00
Scene Overall	8.0	6	Fleabag: 7.9	the pursuit of happyness: 8.0
Script Theme	7.40	3	Ted: 7.20	the pursuit of happyness: 7.40
Scene Dialogue	6.8	1	John wick: 6.7	the pursuit of happyness: 6.8

Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice in this screenplay is characterized by its authenticity, emotional depth, and focus on the characters' internal struggles and external challenges. The dialogue is naturalistic and captures the characters' thoughts and emotions in a raw and relatable way. The narrative style is immersive and draws the reader into the characters' journey, highlighting their resilience and determination in the face of adversity.

Best representation: Scene 4 - The Internship Pursuit and Theft Encounter. Scene 4 is an excellent representative of the writer's voice as it effectively captures the characters' internal struggles and the emotional tension between them. The dialogue is naturalistic and authentic, reflecting the characters' frustrations and anxieties. The narrative style is immersive, drawing the reader into the characters' world and making their struggles relatable and impactful.

Memorable Lines:

CHRIS: This part of my life... This part is called... happiness. (Scene 40)
Chris: I never had a dad. That’s not going to happen to him. I’ll always take care of him. (Scene 1)
Linda: Goodbye. And good riddance. (Scene 5)
Chris: You really fucked it up. (Scene 10)
Chris: I have a son. He’s five. We need to stay. (Scene 33)

Writing Style:

The screenplay features a mix of realistic dialogue, character-driven storytelling, and an emphasis on everyday struggles and personal relationships. There is a consistent focus on capturing the complexities of human interactions and emotions through naturalistic and introspective scenes.

Style Similarities:

Richard Linklater
David Mamet
Aaron Sorkin
Charlie Kaufman

Other Similarities: The screenplay also incorporates elements of social realism, with several scenes highlighting the struggles and experiences of marginalized communities and individuals facing difficult circumstances. The writer effectively balances these heavier themes with moments of humor and emotional depth.

Story Shape

Emotions Elicited

Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The Pursuit of Happyness is a compelling and emotionally resonant screenplay with a powerful theme of perseverance and the importance of family. Will Smith's performance and the father-son relationship are the standout strengths. While there are opportunities for further character development and a deeper exploration of societal issues, the screenplay's overall pacing and narrative strength make it a highly recommendable project with strong commercial potential.

Strengths

Powerful and relatable theme of perseverance and the pursuit of happiness resonates deeply with the audience. high
Will Smith delivers a compelling and emotionally nuanced performance as Chris Gardner, carrying the film with his dedication and charisma. high
The father-son relationship between Chris and Christopher is heartwarming and genuine, providing an emotional core to the story. high ( Scene 1 Scene 13 Scene 18 )
The screenplay effectively balances moments of humor and lightheartedness with the harsh realities of poverty and homelessness. medium
The pacing of the screenplay is generally well-maintained, with a good balance of character development, plot progression, and emotional beats. medium ( Scene 20 Scene 24 Scene 34 )

Areas of Improvement

Linda's character could be further developed to provide more insight into her motivations and struggles. medium
The ending, while uplifting, feels somewhat abrupt. Exploring the long-term impact of Chris's success and the challenges he and Christopher may face could add depth. medium
The screenplay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the systemic issues that contribute to poverty and homelessness. medium

MissingElements

Exploring the perspectives and experiences of other homeless individuals or families could provide a broader context to the issue. medium

NotablePoints

The use of still images and montages effectively conveys the passage of time and the emotional weight of Chris's journey. medium
The Rubik's Cube serves as a symbolic representation of Chris's intelligence and problem-solving skills, as well as a catalyst for key plot points. medium ( Scene 10 Scene 27 )

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'The Pursuit of Happyness' is a well-crafted and emotionally resonant story that follows the journey of Chris Gardner, a struggling salesman who faces numerous challenges in his pursuit of a career as a stockbroker. The narrative successfully balances the protagonist's personal struggles with his professional aspirations, creating a rich and engaging character arc that is both compelling and relatable. The screenplay effectively portrays Gardner's determination and resilience in the face of adversity, showcasing his character growth and development. While some areas, such as transitions between scenes and occasional heavy-handedness in the dialogue, could benefit from refinement, the overall strengths of the screenplay, including its compelling narrative, strong thematic exploration, and poignant depiction of the protagonist's journey, make it a recommended candidate for further consideration.

Strengths

Compelling narrative that effectively balances the protagonist's personal struggles with his professional aspirations, creating a rich and engaging character arc. high
Strong establishment of the protagonist's background, motivations, and the challenges he faces, providing a solid foundation for the story's progression. high ( Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 Scene 5 )
Excellent portrayal of the protagonist's determination and resilience in the face of adversity, showcasing his character growth and development. high ( Scene 16 Scene 17 Scene 18 Scene 19 Scene 20 )
Effective pacing and structure, with a seamless blend of dramatic moments, humor, and emotional depth. medium ( Scene 21 Scene 22 Scene 23 Scene 24 Scene 25 )
Strong thematic exploration of the pursuit of happiness, the American Dream, and the sacrifices required to achieve one's goals. high

Areas of Improvement

Some of the transitions between scenes could be smoother, with more natural flow and continuity. medium ( Scene 13 Scene 14 Scene 15 )
Occasional moments of heavy-handedness in the dialogue and exposition could be refined to maintain a more natural and organic storytelling approach. medium

MissingElements

While the protagonist's journey is the central focus, some additional character development and exploration of secondary characters could add depth and complexity to the narrative. medium

NotablePoints

The scenes depicting the protagonist and his son's struggle to find shelter and make ends meet are particularly poignant and effective in conveying the emotional impact of their circumstances. high ( Scene 28 Scene 29 Scene 30 Scene 31 Scene 32 )
The incorporation of historical figures and references, such as Thomas Jefferson and the Declaration of Independence, adds a layer of depth and thematic significance to the narrative. medium

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay 'The Pursuit of Happyness' is a compelling narrative that effectively portrays the emotional and financial struggles of Chris Gardner. It offers a satisfying resolution and realistic character interactions that enhance its authenticity. While it could benefit from streamlined scenes and deeper secondary character development, its universal appeal and strong emotional hook make it a recommendable project.

Strengths

The screenplay effectively portrays the emotional journey of the protagonist, Chris Gardner, creating a compelling narrative arc that is both inspiring and relatable. high
The resolution of the screenplay is satisfying, showing tangible success and emotional resolution for Chris, which provides a strong payoff for the audience. high ( Scene 40 Scene 41 )
The screenplay uses realistic dialogue and interactions that enhance the authenticity of the characters and their struggles, making the story more engaging. medium ( Scene 12 Scene 14 )
The pacing of the screenplay is well-managed, with a good balance of dramatic tension and resolution that keeps the audience engaged throughout. medium
The use of real locations and settings adds depth to the narrative, grounding the fantastical elements of the story in a relatable world. medium

Areas of Improvement

Some scenes could be condensed or merged to streamline the narrative and enhance the pacing, particularly in the middle sections where the plot tends to drag. medium
The character development for secondary characters could be deepened to provide more layers to the story and enhance the main character's interactions. medium
The emotional transitions of the protagonist could be more nuanced to avoid sudden changes in mood or motivation, making the character's evolution more believable. low

MissingElements

The screenplay could benefit from a stronger antagonist or opposing force to heighten the conflict and add more stakes to the protagonist's journey. medium

NotablePoints

The screenplay's portrayal of struggle and eventual triumph is universally appealing and offers a strong emotional hook for the audience. high

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Screenplay Insights:

Characters: 8.1, The screenplay effectively develops its characters, showcasing their depth, complexity, transformation, and relatability. The characters' journeys contribute to the screenplay's overall narrative and emotional impact, driving the story forward. However, there are areas where character development could be refined to enhance the audience's connection and engagement. See More

Premise: 8.8, The screenplay for "The Pursuit of Happyness" effectively establishes a compelling and clear premise centered around a struggling single father's determination to overcome homelessness and create a better life for his son. The premise's strength lies in its emotional resonance, relatable themes of perseverance and family, and the inherent drama of Chris Gardner's journey. However, exploring opportunities to further elevate the uniqueness of the premise and delve deeper into the complexities of Chris's character could enhance the screenplay's overall intrigue. See More

Structure: 7.8, The screenplay presents a compelling and emotionally resonant story with a well-structured plot that effectively builds tension and crescendos towards a satisfying conclusion. Its strength lies in the realistic and engaging portrayal of the protagonist's struggles and unwavering determination. However, certain plot elements could be refined to enhance coherence and overall impact. See More

Theme: 7.4, The screenplay effectively explores themes of perseverance, determination, and the power of human connection amidst adversity. However, there are areas where the clarity and impact of the messages could be enhanced. See More

Visual Impact: 8.3, The screenplay's visual imagery is characterized by its vivid descriptions that evoke a strong sense of time and place, effectively immersing the reader in the protagonist's journey. The creative use of symbolism and motifs adds layers of meaning to the story, enhancing its emotional impact. See More

Emotional Impact: 7.5, The screenplay has a strong emotional foundation that elicits a range of emotions from the audience. However, there is an opportunity to enhance the emotional depth and resonance by exploring the characters' inner struggles and motivations more profoundly. By delving deeper into the emotional complexities of these characters, the screenplay can create a more immersive and impactful emotional journey. See More

Conflict: 7.8, The screenplay "Pursuit of Happyness" effectively utilizes conflict and stakes to drive the narrative, immersing viewers in Chris Gardner's arduous journey of overcoming homelessness and providing a better life for his son. However, there are opportunities to further enhance the tension and engagement by deepening the central conflict, escalating the stakes, and providing a more emotionally resonant resolution. See More

Originality: 8.5, The screenplay for "Pursuit of Happyness" stands out for its emotionally captivating story and realistic portrayal of a father-son relationship. Its originality lies in its unflinching exploration of homelessness, poverty, and the power of perseverance. See More

Summary The screenplay follows the journey of Chris Gardner, a struggling Navy sailor turned stockbroker, who navigates the challenges of homelessness, financial instability, and fatherhood in San Francisco. Despite facing numerous setbacks, Chris's determination and love for his son, Christopher, drive him to pursue a career in finance. Through perseverance and sacrifice, Chris ultimately secures a job offer at Dean Witter, marking a triumphant conclusion to his inspiring story of resilience, hope, and unwavering dedication to providing a better life for his family.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay 'The Pursuit of Happyness' presents a compelling and emotional story of a father's unwavering determination to overcome financial struggles and provide a better life for his son. The plot effectively captures the audience's attention with its realistic portrayal of the challenges faced by the protagonist. The character development of Chris Gardner is well-executed, showcasing his resilience and growth throughout the story. However, the screenplay could benefit from further exploration of Linda's character and her motivations for leaving. Additionally, the ending feels slightly rushed and could have been more impactful with a deeper exploration of the emotional resolution between the characters.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider delving deeper into Linda's character arc to provide a more nuanced understanding of her decisions. Additionally, expanding on the emotional resolution between Chris and Linda at the end could enhance the audience's connection to the story. Further development of secondary characters like the Filipino guy and Walter Ribbon could add depth to the overall plot.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The beginning of the screenplay effectively sets up the central conflict and introduces the main characters in a compelling manner. The audience is immediately drawn into Chris Gardner's world and empathizes with his struggles. The character dynamics between Chris and Linda are well-established, providing a solid foundation for the story to unfold. However, there could be more clarity in Linda's motivations for leaving, adding depth to her character.

Suggestions: To enhance the beginning of the screenplay, consider adding more scenes that delve into Linda's internal struggles and reasons for her decisions. Providing insight into her emotional journey could create a more engaging opening for the audience. Additionally, exploring the relationship dynamics between Chris and Linda in more detail could strengthen the emotional impact of their story.

Middle The middle part of the screenplay effectively builds on the central conflict and showcases Chris Gardner's resilience and determination in the face of adversity. The character arcs of Chris and Christopher are well-developed, highlighting their growth and emotional journey throughout the story. The interactions between Chris and secondary characters like Jay Twistle add depth to the plot and provide opportunities for character development. However, there could be more exploration of the challenges faced by Chris in his internship at Dean Witter.

Suggestions: To improve the middle part of the screenplay, consider adding more scenes that highlight the specific challenges and obstacles Chris faces in his internship at Dean Witter. This could create more tension and conflict, enhancing the audience's investment in his journey. Additionally, exploring the relationships between Chris and secondary characters like Jay Twistle in more depth could add complexity to the plot.

Ending The ending of the screenplay delivers a satisfying resolution to Chris Gardner's journey, showcasing his triumph over adversity and his success in securing a better future for his family. The emotional resolution between Chris and Linda provides closure to their story, highlighting the growth and transformation of the characters. However, the ending feels slightly rushed and could benefit from a more gradual buildup to the final moments.

Suggestions: To enhance the ending of the screenplay, consider pacing the resolution more effectively to build tension and emotional impact leading up to the final moments. Providing more closure to secondary characters like the Filipino guy and Walter Ribbon could add depth to the conclusion. Additionally, exploring the aftermath of Chris's success and its impact on his family could create a more satisfying ending for the audience.

CharacterInconsistencies

Character Linda
Description Linda's character arc is inconsistent. Initially, she expresses regret about their unplanned pregnancy and seems supportive of Chris's efforts. However, she later becomes increasingly critical and dismissive of his aspirations, ultimately leaving him without clear justification for this shift in attitude.
( Scene 1 Scene 13 Scene 18 )
Character Christopher
Description Christopher's maturity level fluctuates. In sequence 6, he demonstrates advanced vocabulary and understanding of complex concepts like adjectives. However, in sequence 30, he appears more naive, believing the scanner to be a time machine.
( Scene 6 Scene 30 )

StoryInconsistencies

Description The fate of the stolen scanner is unclear. In sequence 23, it is stolen by a junkie couple. However, in sequence 30, the Filipino man possesses the same scanner, and it's implied he found it on a train platform. The connection between these events is not explained.
( Scene 23 Scene 30 )

PlotHoles

Description Chris's ability to solve the Rubik's Cube almost effortlessly seems implausible, especially considering the cube's complexity and his lack of prior experience with it.
( Scene 4 )
Description The ease with which Chris obtains a cab ride with Jay Twistle to Russian Hill stretches credibility. Twistle's willingness to accommodate Chris, despite their brief acquaintance and Chris's lie about their destination, feels contrived.
( Scene 11 )

DialogueAuthenticity

Description The Filipino man's dialogue, while adding a comedic element, feels out of place and unrealistic, particularly his immediate assumption about the time machine.
( Scene 2 )

Redundancies

Element Chris's financial struggles

Suggestion The repeated emphasis on Chris's financial difficulties, while essential to the story, could be streamlined to avoid redundancy. Certain scenes or dialogues could be condensed or combined to maintain narrative impact without excessive repetition.
Element Chris running

Suggestion Chris's constant running, while symbolic of his pursuit of happiness, becomes repetitive. Some instances could be replaced with alternative actions to add variety and depth to his character portrayal.

🧠 Character Therapy: Let your character open up to an AI therapist and reveal hidden depths.

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Christopher - Score: 84/100

Role

Supporting Character

Scenes

Strongest: #12
Weakest: #11

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Innocent and resilient child in a challenging environment

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Represents the emotional impact of adult struggles on a child.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Christopher's arc illustrates his transition from innocence to awareness of life struggles.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Christopher's dialogue reflects innocence and curiosity.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Christopher's behaviors reflect innocence but also coping mechanisms.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Christopher's bond with Chris drives emotional investment in the story.

Scene Impact 9/10

Christopher's presence often highlights moments of tension or relief.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Christopher embodies hope and innocence amid struggles.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Christopher's journey intersects with themes of resilience and love.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Strong emotional connection through innocence and vulnerability.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Christopher is the young son of Chris Gardner, portrayed as a bright, inquisitive child with a close emotional bond to his father. His experiences throughout the screenplay illustrate the themes of innocence and resilience in the face of hardship. While he embodies the childlike wonder and hope associated with youth, he also grapples with the complexities of their precarious living situation.

Values And Beliefs: Family, love, happiness, and trust in his father.

Strengths And Skills: Imaginative thinking, emotional intelligence, adaptability.

Suggestions

Explore deeper moments of Christopher's observations about their circumstances, revealing more about his inner strength.
Introduce a scene where Christopher actively helps Chris with a challenge, showcasing his growth.

Follow-up Questions

How does Christopher perceive the challenges faced by them and the concepts of happiness and success?
What role does Christopher play in motivating Chris, and how can this be highlighted further?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

As a child, Christopher's emotional wounds are largely indirect, resulting from the broader struggles of his father. He exhibits moments of sadness and confusion regarding their living situation, reflecting a depth beyond his years. His relationship with his father and desire for stability showcase his internal conflicts as he navigates between innocence and the harsh realities of life.

Character Wound: Fear of abandonment and instability due to their living conditions.

Character Flaws: Possibly overly trusting, as demonstrated in his interactions with others.

Suggestions

Include more conflicting moments where Christopher questions their situation, providing a basis for his emotional depth.
Show scenes where Christopher confronts other children about their realities, emphasizing his unique perspective.

Follow-up Questions

How does Christopher process the complexities of their life circumstances compared to other children?
What specific experiences highlight Christopher's emotional growth and adaptability?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 9

Throughout the screenplay, Christopher evolves from a naive child to one who becomes aware of the gravity of their living conditions. Although he desires a normal childhood, his experiences force him to confront difficulties, shaping his understanding of resilience. This purposeful stasis allows him to mirror his father's journey toward happiness.

Polarity Changes: From innocent carefree moments to times of fear and uncertainty.

Transformation Triggers: Witnessing his father's struggles and the impact of living in shelters.

Suggestions

Create a pivotal moment where Christopher chooses to help Chris, marking a significant step in his growth.
Introduce a scene that juxtaposes Christopher's perspective against adults in the same challenge.

Follow-up Questions

What pivotal moment best illustrates Christopher's growth in understanding his father's struggles?
How can his narrative be tied back to the theme of pursuing happiness in a tangible way?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Christopher uses simple yet profound dialogue that showcases his youth and inquisitive nature. His questions often address complex themes in a way that highlights both his innocence and his deep connection with Chris. Over time, as he becomes more aware of their struggles, his voice carries increased weight.

Unique Voice: Childlike wonder, straightforward questions, and naive insights.

Suggestions

Enhance his dialogue with metaphors or observations that reflect his growing understanding of the world.
Create scenes where he shares insights or advice to Chris that demonstrate his emerging wisdom.

Follow-up Questions

How does Christopher's voice change as he starts to understand his father's realities?
What specific lines or questions from Christopher best encapsulate the screenplay's themes?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Christopher displays a range of behaviors highlighting his youth and adaptability. He seeks joy in small activities, like playing basketball or engaging with his father. Yet, he also reflects disappointment and confusion at times, struggling between wanting to feel secure and facing reality.

Motivations: To connect with his father, experience joy, and understand their living situation.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires the comforts of childhood, yet needs security and understanding.

Suggestions

Introduce a behavior that showcases Christopher’s coping method when confronted with the harshness of their situation.
Highlight moments where Christopher's choices directly influence his father’s outlook.

Follow-up Questions

What behaviors indicate Christopher's coping strategies as they experience instability?
When do Christopher’s needs begin to overshadow his desires, and how does this manifest?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

The relationship between Christopher and Chris is central to the narrative, representing love, hope, and the desire for mutual support. Christopher's innocence contrasts with Chris's struggles, creating an emotional core that drives the story. Their interactions often highlight the balance of care, responsibility, and the pursuit of happiness.

Suggestions

Delve deeper into moments of conflict or misunderstanding between Chris and Christopher to showcase their evolving bond.
Include instances where their relationship inspires pivotal decisions in the narrative.

Follow-up Questions

How do moments of stress or struggle reveal new dimensions of their relationship?
What specific scenes best illustrate the importance of their connection in the face of adversity?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Christopher’s interactions within the scenes often shift the emotional tone, bringing lightness during heavy moments or amplifying stress when they face hardship. His childlike perspective provides a foil to Chris's intense journey, allowing viewers to feel the weight of their struggles through a tender lens.

Suggestions

Ensure Christopher's presence is strategically placed in scenes to amplify emotional stakes.
Develop sequences where his absence or fear significantly affects Chris.

Follow-up Questions

How does Christopher's presence pivot scenes from despair to moments of hope?
What scenes feel most impactful because of Christopher’s responses or actions?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

Christopher’s role serves as a crucial element in illustrating the impact of adult struggles on a child. Through him, the screenplay explores the balance between hope and reality, anchoring the narrative's emotional weight and significance. He embodies the hope for a better future, reflecting both the consequences of choices made by adults and the resilience of youth.

Symbolic Role: He mirrors the innocence of childhood and the desire for happiness.

Suggestions

Reinforce Christopher’s symbolic role by incorporating more thematic elements tied to childhood.
Consider altering some dialogues to better reflect the moral and narrative themes of hope.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Christopher serve as a compass for Chris’s journey?
What thematic elements can be emphasized through Christopher’s actions or dialogue?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Christopher’s experiences and perspectives in the story intricately weave into the central themes of resilience, family, and the pursuit of happiness. As he navigates his childhood's challenges, he shapes and often influences his father’s understanding of life’s difficulties. His innocence juxtaposes the harsh realities faced by Chris, providing a contrasting lens through which the narrative can explore deeper themes.

Suggestions

Incorporate scenes where Christopher’s reactions directly challenge Chris’s views on success and happiness.
Deepen the connection between Christopher’s thoughts and the overarching themes of family and resilience.

Follow-up Questions

How does Christopher’s growth reinforce the journey towards understanding happiness and resilience?
What moments best encapsulate the thematic dichotomy between childhood innocence and adult responsibilities?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Christopher evokes deep emotional responses through moments of vulnerability and innocence, inviting viewers to connect intimately with his journey. His perspectives often juxtapose the adult world, emphasizing both the hope inherent in a child's dreams and the pang of reality that accompanies their plight. He successfully engages the audience’s empathy and fear for the well-being of the father-son duo.

Emotional Impact: Major emotional effect on audience through their connection and struggles.

Suggestions

Build more moments where Christopher directly interacts with the core challenges faced by Chris to drive emotional stakes.
Highlight their lighter moments together to counterbalance the heavier themes.

Follow-up Questions

What emotional moments best showcase Christopher’s growth and vulnerability?
How does Christopher's innocence shape the audience's emotional journey?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (12)

The scene where Christopher talks about the Rubik's Cube demonstrates his curiosity, intellect, and emotional bond with Chris.

Why: This scene encapsulates the essence of their relationship—showing Christopher’s innocence yet depth as he engages with his father thoughtfully.

Weakest Scene (11)

Christopher's actions during the hospital scene where he plays with the machine exhibit naivety, making him seem less impactful.

Why: This scene lacks depth for Christopher, depicting him mostly as passive rather than active or engaged.

Suggestions:

Enhance Christopher's involvement by giving him a pivotal role in the interactions happening around him.
Incorporate dialogue that illustrates his awareness or concern for Chris's situations in a more pronounced manner.

Chris - Score: 92/100

Role

Protagonist

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 9/10

Resilient and determined father aiming for a better life.

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Emotional struggle with past wounds and current challenges.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 10/10

Chris experiences significant growth, transforming from a struggling salesman to a successful broker, fueled by hope and resilience.

Dialogue And Voice 9/10

Chris's dialogue often reflects a mix of optimism and frustration as he navigates his life challenges, showcasing his determination and vulnerability.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Chris's choices reveal a moral compass heavily influenced by his commitment to his son and the pursuit of a better life, sometimes leading to impulsive decisions.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Chris's relationship with his son is central to his journey, filled with moments of love, tension, and the desire to protect him.

Scene Impact 9/10

Chris consistently drives the narrative forward with his determination, serving as a catalyst for emotional resonance in scenes.

Role Fulfillment 10/10

Chris fulfills the role of the underdog protagonist fighting against systemic obstacles in pursuit of happiness.

Thematic Plot Integration 10/10

Chris's personal journey intersects with broader themes of family, resilience, and the pursuit of happiness.

Emotional Resonance 10/10

Evokes empathy and fosters hope through his journey.

Foundational Definition

Score: 9

Chris Gardner is depicted as a determined and resilient individual struggling against the odds to provide a better life for himself and his son, Christopher. Growing up without a father deeply impacts his desire to create a stable and supportive environment for his own child. At the start, Chris is characterized by his commitment to sales work using bone density scanners, though he faces constant setbacks, financial struggles, and societal barriers. His inherent optimism and belief in hard work guide his journey as he seeks a breakthrough in his career.

Values And Beliefs: Family is paramount., Hard work leads to rewards., The pursuit of happiness is worthwhile.

Strengths And Skills: Strong salesmanship., Excellent problem-solving abilities., Resilience in the face of adversity.

Suggestions

Explore Chris's internal motivation to break the cycle of absence in fatherhood.
Provide flashbacks to Chris's childhood that shape his current values and beliefs.

Follow-up Questions

What specific experiences fostered Chris's unwavering belief in hard work?
How does Chris's past inform his parenting style?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 8

Chris carries emotional wounds stemming from his childhood experiences of abandonment and recent struggles with homelessness and financial insecurity. These hardships create a sense of deep anxiety about repeating the cycle of parental absence. His flaws, such as impulsiveness and vulnerability to despair, occasionally surface, especially during high-pressure situations. This complexity provides depth to his character as he navigates the challenges of fatherhood while striving for professional success.

Character Wound: Fear of failure as a parent due to his own upbringing.

Character Flaws: Impulsiveness when under stress., Difficulty asking for help., Overcommitment to work at the expense of personal relationships.

Suggestions

Include more moments of vulnerability where Chris reveals his fears.
Develop interactions with supportive characters who challenge his reluctance to seek help.

Follow-up Questions

How does Chris's emotional state affect his relationship with Christopher?
What specific moments exacerbate Chris's fear of failure?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 10

Throughout the story, Chris evolves from a hopeless individual overwhelmed by his financial struggles into a driven person who successfully secures an internship at Dean Witter. This transformation is triggered by his unwavering commitment to his son and the desire for a better life. While he faces numerous setbacks along the way, including homelessness and strained relationships, his resilience ultimately leads him toward personal and professional triumph.

Polarity Changes: From hopelessness to focused determination after deciding to pursue a stockbroker internship.

Transformation Triggers: The challenges of homelessness., The responsibility of caring for his son.

Suggestions

Highlight the turning points in Chris's journey that solidify his resolve.
Showcase moments where Chris’s choices directly influence his transformation.

Follow-up Questions

What specific event marks the turning point in Chris’s journey?
How do relationships impact Chris's willingness to change?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 9

Chris's speech patterns reveal a blend of hope and struggle, often showcasing motivational elements as he encourages his son while battling his internal doubts. His dialogue is a reflection of his desire to instill strength and resilience in Christopher, even as he grapples with his own vulnerabilities. Key phrases that express hope and determination resonate throughout his conversations.

Unique Voice: A blend of sincerity, frustration, and resolve that underscores his struggles.

Suggestions

Incorporate more metaphors or analogies that capture Chris's worldview.
Develop dialogue that reveals deeper layers of his emotional state.

Follow-up Questions

What thematic elements are most prominent in Chris's dialogue?
How does Chris's communication style affect his relationships?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Chris frequently faces choices that test his values and commitments. His actions throughout the screenplay—from pursuing sales opportunities to ultimately seeking a stockbroker internship—demonstrate his determination to succeed for his son's sake. However, his impulsive choices, such as engaging in confrontations or neglecting self-care, reveal the strain of his circumstances and the tension between his desires and needs.

Motivations: To provide a stable life for his son, Christopher.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires immediate financial stability; needs emotional support and security.

Suggestions

Clarify the internal conflicts that inform Chris's decisions.
Show how different moments of success and failure affect his decision-making.

Follow-up Questions

What choices reflect Chris's internal moral dilemmas?
How do his choices impact his relationship with Christopher?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

The bond between Chris and Christopher acts as the emotional core of the narrative. Chris’s determination to father his son well drives much of his motivation. Their relationship is marked by beautiful moments of connection, but also tension as Chris struggles to balance his responsibilities. The dynamic is shaped by the struggles they face together, reflecting deep love and a shared commitment to overcome obstacles.

Suggestions

Deepen moments where Chris imparts wisdom to Christopher.
Explore how their shared experiences of hardship strengthen their bond.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments best showcase their father-son relationship?
How does Chris’s relationship with Christopher evolve over time?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Chris's presence significantly impacts the scenes he occupies. Whether he's waiting for the bus, overcoming obstacles, or sharing moments with his son, his determination adds emotional weight to the narrative. He often introduces conflict, especially when faced with societal barriers, which serves to heighten the stakes of his journey and emphasizes the themes of resilience and hope.

Suggestions

Create more high-stakes scenarios to enhance Chris's impact in scenes.
Use visual metaphors in scenes to parallel Chris's emotional journey.

Follow-up Questions

Which scenes best encapsulate Chris's role in the story?
How does Chris's determination alter the dynamics of the scenes?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 10

As the protagonist, Chris embodies the struggles of many who seek a better life against systemic and personal challenges. His journey illustrates key themes related to economic hardship, fatherhood, and the pursuit of happiness. Chris’s narrative aligns closely with the archetype of the hero's journey, making his triumph over adversity significant not just for himself but for his son and, by extension, others in similar circumstances.

Symbolic Role: Symbolizes resilience and the quest for the American Dream.

Suggestions

Strengthen the narrative arcs that highlight Chris's underdog status.
Ensure that key moments underlining Chris's persistence are highlighted.

Follow-up Questions

How does Chris's role as a father influence his narrative journey?
What challenges shape his role as the protagonist?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 10

Chris’s trajectory is tightly woven into the screenplay’s major themes, reinforcing ideas of hope, hard work, and the bond between father and son. His struggles mirror the societal obstacles many face, serving as a microcosm of the quest for the American Dream. The clash between his aspirations and reality highlights not only individual growth but also a broader commentary on economic and systemic issues.

Suggestions

Further develop connections between Chris's journey and societal themes.
Incorporate more elements that reveal the impacts of broader social issues.

Follow-up Questions

How effectively does Chris's journey communicate the theme of resilience?
What specific moments enhance the thematic depth of the narrative?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 10

Chris's character consistently elicits emotional responses, from empathy for his struggles to joy at his moments of success. The interplay of his hardships and triumphs creates a powerful emotional arc that resonates with viewers, making his ultimate achievements feel hard-earned and deeply satisfying. By presenting both the gravity of his circumstances and the light of his aspirations, Chris becomes a relatable and inspiring figure.

Emotional Impact: Chris's journey evokes deep empathy and hope in the audience.

Suggestions

Utilize music or visuals to amplify emotional moments in Chris’s journey.
Create additional scenes that highlight Chris’s vulnerability and strength.

Follow-up Questions

What aspects of Chris's journey most effectively connect with the audience emotionally?
How can Chris's character development be structured to enhance audience engagement?

Linda - Score: 61/100

Personality

MBTI: ISFJ
Enneagram: Type 2 - The Helper

Scenes

Strongest: #12
Weakest: #10

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 6/10

A frustrated partner struggling with life's unpredictability.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Living with disappointment and emotional pain.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 5/10

A journey of stasis amidst chaos.

Dialogue And Voice 6/10

A voice tinged with frustration and longing.

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Choices driven by discontent and desperation.

Relationship Dynamics 6/10

Complex dynamics of love and frustration.

Scene Impact 6/10

An emotional anchor in pivotal scenes.

Role Fulfillment 5/10

An illustration of lost dreams and responsibilities.

Thematic Plot Integration 6/10

Her journey interweaves with themes of ambition and family.

Emotional Resonance 7/10

Evokes sympathy through relatable struggles.

Foundational Definition

Score: 6

Linda is depicted as a frustrated and weary partner who grapples with her unexpected pregnancy and the ensuing hardships of their current lifestyle. Her expectations of relationship dynamics are subverted by Chris's ambitions and actions, which lead to a sense of isolation and disappointment. This backdrop shapes her interactions with Chris, often marked by sadness and frustration, and reflects her longing for stability and a fulfilling family life.

Values And Beliefs: Stability, family connections, and a desire for a better future.

Strengths And Skills: Resilience, caregiving, and an intuitive understanding of her family's needs.

Suggestions

Explore Linda's ambitions outside the framework of their relationship to add depth.
Show instances of Linda's past achievements to create a contrast between her dreams and current reality.

Follow-up Questions

What dreams or aspirations did Linda have prior to her relationship with Chris?
How would Linda's character evolve if circumstances improved for her and Christopher?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Linda appears to bear the emotional wounds of unfulfilled dreams and the burden of societal expectations regarding family and marriage. This pain manifests as conflict in her conversations with Chris, where she expresses her feelings of entrapment and regret about their life choices. Her complexity deepens as both a nurturing figure and a symbol of the couple's strained relationship.

Character Wound: Feelings of entrapment and hopelessness about their situation.

Character Flaws: Tendency to project anger and frustration onto Chris, struggles with communication.

Suggestions

Incorporate flashbacks to moments of joy and connection to make her current struggles more poignant.
Illustrate moments of Linda's vulnerability that reveal her hopes and fears.

Follow-up Questions

What moments trigger Linda's feelings of discontent?
How might Linda express her concerns about their lifestyle more effectively?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 5

Linda's character arc reveals her gradual acceptance of her disillusionment with both Chris and their situation, emphasizing her struggle between familial loyalty and personal satisfaction. While she initially tries to support Chris, her growing frustration leads to her eventual departure, emphasizing her complexities.

Polarity Changes: Initial hope in the relationship yielding to growing despair as circumstances worsen.

Transformation Triggers: Chris's ambitions contrasting with her own desires for stability and homelife.

Suggestions

Highlight decisive moments where Linda must choose between her family and her own dreams.
Create more exchanges highlighting her desires and fears for a more intricate character journey.

Follow-up Questions

What pivotal transition could lead Linda towards personal empowerment?
What could cause her to reevaluate her commitment to Chris?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 6

Linda's dialogue often exposes her impatience and disappointment, displaying a lack of faith in Chris's plans. The subtext of her speech conveys both love for Christopher and frustration with Chris's inability to provide stability, leading to an emotionally charged but often ineffective communication style.

Unique Voice: Her tone oscillates between sarcasm, disappointment, and exhaustion, reflecting her emotional state and her struggle to communicate effectively.

Suggestions

Include more moments where Linda expresses her hopes, to create balance in her dialogue.
Develop scenarios where Linda's voice showcases her unwavering support to counterbalance her criticisms.

Follow-up Questions

How does Linda's dialogue reflect her internal struggles?
In which areas could Linda's communication improve for better relationship outcomes?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 7

Linda's choices, such as distancing herself from Chris, underscore her desperation and fears for their future. This behavior reflects her inner conflicts as she seeks to create a secure environment for Christopher, ultimately leading her to feel that leaving is the best option.

Motivations: To find stability and safety for herself and Christopher amidst financial chaos.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires emotional security and stability, needs to feel supported in her personal aspirations.

Suggestions

Explore decisions led by her fears to deepen understanding of her actions.
Introduce events that challenge her beliefs about Chris and reinforce or undermine her emotional stability.

Follow-up Questions

What internal conflicts lead Linda to make her significant choices?
How do Linda's choices affect her relationship with Christopher?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 6

Linda's interactions with Chris are fraught with tension, reflecting the strain of financial stress and mutual frustrations. Her relationship with Christopher appears more nurturing, where she seeks to protect him from the harsh realities of their world, contrasting with her interactions with Chris where disappointment reigns.

Suggestions

Create deeper interactions highlighting her nurturing side towards Christopher amid her frustrations with Chris.
Introduce moments where Linda's relationship with Chris takes a positive turn, reflecting her hope in the partnership.

Follow-up Questions

How might Linda and Chris work together to alleviate tension in their relationship?
What moments could serve as a turning point in Linda's relationship with Christopher?

Scene Impact

Score: 6

Linda's presence serves as a grounding force in multiple scenes, often contrasting Chris's aspirations with her doubts and frustrations. Her emotional responses address the realities of their situation, driving significant conflicts that highlight the struggles between their goals and fears.

Suggestions

Give her more scenes where she demonstrates resilience or strength to enhance her impact.
Show how she reacts positively in stressful moments to provide emotional depth.

Follow-up Questions

In which scenes could Linda take a more active role to shift the emotional tone?
What moments could showcase her influence more dramatically in the narrative?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 5

Though Linda does not serve as the central protagonist, her role highlights the emotional stakes of Chris's journey. She functions to ground the narrative in real familial struggles and conveys the emotional toll such sacrifices take on relationships, showcasing the balance one must seek in the chase for happiness.

Symbolic Role: Linda symbolizes the emotional costs of ambition and the search for fulfillment in a chaotic life.

Suggestions

Strengthen her symbolic role by developing her interactions with Chris where she voices her dreams.
Create scenarios where Linda's emotional stakes are equally as important to the plot.

Follow-up Questions

How can Linda's role highlight key themes in Chris's journey?
What aspects of her character could redefine how audiences interpret her actions?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 6

Linda’s struggles capture the life-altering effects of Chris's ambitions on family dynamics, juxtaposing a drive for success against the foundation of personal relationships. Her presence calls attention to the sacrifices and emotional costs tied to ambition, challenging viewers to contemplate the broader implications of pursuit and fulfillment.

Suggestions

Highlight her thematic reflections in pivotal scenes.
Integrate interactions that explicitly address ambition versus family responsibility.

Follow-up Questions

What themes could Linda's character more strongly represent?
In what situations could her role amplify the film's central messages?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 7

Linda's character elicits emotional responses as the embodiment of sacrifices made for family stability. Her relatable frustrations and heartfelt interactions forge connections with the audience, evoking a sense of shared understanding regarding difficult decisions within familial settings.

Emotional Impact: Her struggles evoke sympathy and recognition of real-life challenges in family dynamics.

Suggestions

Enhance Linda's emotional moments by deepening her personal reflections.
Create scenes that capture her emotional breadth through visual storytelling.

Follow-up Questions

What reactions should audience feel most strongly towards Linda?
How could her emotional expressions be amplified in critical scenes?

Personality Types

MBTI: isfj

Linda demonstrates strong introverted sensing traits by reflecting on her past and nurturing nature, alongside feeling the weight of responsibilities.

Confidence: 70%

Possible Alternative Type: esfj (30%)

Suggestions

Utilize her ISFJ traits in dialogues where she expresses concern for family stability.
Explore moments showcasing her caring nature, solidifying her identity as a caregiver.

Follow-up Questions

In what situations might her introverted traits conflict with Chris's more extroverted nature?
How can her personality type evolve given changing circumstances?

Enneagram: type 2 - the helper

Linda's maternal instincts and desire for connection make her a classic Helper, often focused on meeting others' needs before her own.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: type 6 - the loyalist (20%)

Suggestions

Highlight her loyalty through interactions that require sacrifice.
Delve into her relationships to showcase how her helper personality may lead to overlooked self-needs.

Follow-up Questions

How do her Enneagram traits manifest in her decisions throughout the screenplay?
What events might push her helper instincts to extremes?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (12)

Linda's most impactful scene happens during the bathroom confrontation, where her communication reflects deep emotional pain and longing for stability.

Why: This moment encapsulates her internal struggle, making her relatable and emotionally resonant.

Weakest Scene (10)

Linda's weakest moment occurs during a tense dinner scene where disagreements about finances and parenting roles come to the surface.

Why: It does not show her strengths and instead emphasizes her frustrations, making her appear more negative.

Suggestions:

Show more of her assertive side to balance her emotional state.
Highlight moments where her strengths help to resolve the conflict.

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Poverty and Homelessness (50%)

Chris and his son are homeless and living in shelters. They are often hungry and struggling to make ends meet. Chris tries to sell scanners to make money, but he is unsuccessful. He and his son are forced to live in a shelter, and they often have to go without food and other necessities.

The theme of poverty and homelessness is explored through Chris's experiences. Chris and his son are forced to live in poverty, and they often have to go without food and other necessities. This theme highlights the difficulties that people in poverty face, and it shows how poverty can affect people's lives.

Strengthening Poverty and Homelessness:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Character Arc - Scene All	Depict Chris's struggle with his wavering self-belief and feelings of worthlessness, particularly in scenes where he faces setbacks or self-doubt.
Action - Scene 1, 4, 11, 19	Incorporate more physical actions and gestures that convey Chris's emotional state and desperation, such as fist-clenching, pacing, or rubbing his temples.
Dialogue - Scene 3, 13, 26	Enhance Chris's conversations with others to highlight his ability to connect with people despite his circumstances, showing his charisma and resilience.
Story Arc - Scene 16, 29	Expand on Chris's relationship with Walter Ribbon, exploring how their interactions influence Chris's determination and the potential for his future success.
Visual - Scene 2, 35, 41	Utilize lighting, camera angles, and color grading to create a distinct visual atmosphere that reflects the emotional weight of Chris's journey and his evolving mindset.

Fatherhood (30%)

Chris is a single father who is trying to raise his son, Christopher. He loves his son very much, and he wants to provide him with a good life. However, Chris is struggling to make ends meet, and he often has to make difficult choices in order to provide for his son. Despite the challenges, Chris is determined to be a good father, and he works hard to make sure that Christopher has a happy and healthy life.

The theme of fatherhood is explored through Chris's relationship with his son. Chris is a single father who is trying to raise his son, Christopher. He loves his son very much, and he wants to provide him with a good life. This theme highlights the challenges that single fathers face, but it also shows the love and devotion that fathers can have for their children.

Determination and Perseverance (20%)

Chris is a determined and persevering man. He never gives up, even when things are tough. He is constantly trying to find new ways to make money, and he is always looking for opportunities to better his life. Chris's determination and perseverance are an inspiration to others, and they show that anything is possible if you set your mind to it.

The theme of determination and perseverance is explored through Chris's journey. Chris is constantly facing obstacles, but he never gives up. He is always trying to find new ways to make money, and he is always looking for opportunities to better his life. This theme highlights the importance of determination and perseverance, and it shows that anything is possible if you set your mind to it.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal and external goals evolved from seeking financial stability and success to balancing his career ambitions with his responsibilities as a father. These goals reflect his deep desire to provide for his family and find fulfillment in his personal and professional life.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goals evolved from trying to secure a job and sell scanners to navigating a career in finance and overcoming obstacles to financial stability. These goals reflect his immediate challenges and the decisions he makes to improve his situation.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict in the screenplay is the protagonist's struggle between societal expectations and personal desires. The protagonist grapples with questions of success, integrity, and sacrifice as he navigates the challenges of his journey.

Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's evolving goals and the philosophical conflict he faces contribute to his growth as a character. Through these challenges, he learns important lessons about perseverance, integrity, and the importance of family, ultimately leading to his personal and professional development.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The protagonist's goals and the underlying philosophical conflict drive the narrative structure of the screenplay, creating tension, conflict, and resolution. Each goal and conflict propels the story forward, shaping the protagonist's journey and the obstacles he must overcome.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The protagonist's goals and the philosophical conflict he faces add thematic depth to the screenplay, exploring themes of resilience, determination, family, and the pursuit of success. These elements provide a rich tapestry of ideas and emotions that resonate with audiences and contribute to the overall impact of the story.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - Chris and Linda's Promise	Melancholic, Hopeful, Reflective	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	7	7	7	7	7	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
2 - The Man with the Time Machine	Melancholic, Reflective, Hopeful	8	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	8	6	8	8	9	9
3 - Contemplations at the Bus Stop	Melancholic, Reflective, Tense	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	7	7	7	7	8	7	8	8	8	8
4 - A Frustrated Start	Tense, Frustrated, Resigned	8	8	8	8	7	7	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	7	7	9	8	8	8
5 - The Internship Pursuit and Theft Encounter	Serious, Reflective, Determined	8	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	8	8	7	7	9	9	9	9
6 - Father-Son Walk	Serious, Reflective, Frustrated	8	8	7	8	9	7	8	7.5	7	8	6	7	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
7 - A Race Against Time and Thieves	Determined, Frustrated, Hopeful	8	8	8	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	9	9	8	7	6	9	9	9	9
8 - The Bone Density Scanner Salesman	null	0	0	0	9	0	0	8	7	0	8	0	0	7	0	0	9	8	8	8
9 - A Desperate Search for Hope	Tense, Hopeful, Frustrated	8	7	8	8	9	7	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	9	7	8	8	9	9
10 - The Cab Ride	Tense, Determined, Frustrated, Hopeful	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
11 - Chris's Flight and Loss	Tense, Reflective, Desperate	8	8	7	9	7	7	8	8	8	8	9	8	8	8	6	9	9	8	8
12 - An Invitation Amidst Chaos	Desperation, Hope, Determination, Anxiety	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
13 - Confrontation Outside Daycare	Tense, Emotional, Confrontational	8	7	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
14 - A Spiral of Despair	Frustration, Desperation, Resignation	8	7	8	9	8	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
15 - Desperation and Determination	Anxious, Tense, Desperate, Resigned	8	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	8	7	9	8	7	9	6	9	8	8	8
16 - Chris Gardner's Impressive Interview	Embarrassed, Serious, Humorous	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	6	7	7	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
17 - Weighing Options	Tension, Resignation, Hope	8	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	8	7	9	8	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
18 - A Father's Dilemma: A Leap of Faith	Tense, Reflective, Resigned	8	8	8	8	8	8	8	7	8	7	9	8	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
19 - A Father's Hopes and Dreams	Reflective, Hopeful, Serious	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
20 - Scanner Thief	Tense, Anxious, Suspenseful	8	8	8	8	7	7	8	7.5	9	8	9	9	8	8	6	9	8	8	8
21 - Hit and Run	Stressful, Frantic, Determined	8	7	8	9	7	6	8	7	8	7	8	8	7	7	6	9	8	8	8
22 - Chris's Commute and Financial Concerns	Anxious, Reflective, Concerned	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	7	8	7	8	8	7	9	6	9	8	8	8
23 - A Race Against Time	Frantic, Determined, Frustrated	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	7	8	7	8	7	6	7	9	9	8	8
24 - Chris' Frustrating Search	Frantic, Desperate, Dispirited	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	8	8	8	8	7	6	6	8	9	9	9
25 - Financial Woes and Moral Compromise	Anxious, Reflective, Resigned	8	7	8	9	8	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
26 - Suburban Stroll	Concerned, Reflective, Inquisitive	8	7	7	9	9	6	8	6	3	5	2	4	6	7	8	9	8	8	8
27 - Invitation to the Baseball Game	Apologetic, Optimistic, Friendly	8	7	8	8	8	6	8	7.5	5	8	4	7	7	7	7	9	8	8	8
28 - Chris and Walter's Tailgate Misadventures	Reflective, Melancholic, Hopeful	8	8	7	9	8	8	8	7	7	8	7	8	7	8	7	8	8	8	8
29 - Chris's Financial Struggles and Eviction Threats	Worry, Desperation, Determination, Hope	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
30 - Unsuccessful Sales and a Lost Home	Melancholic, Reflective, Hopeful	8	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
31 - Train Station Decision	Reflective, Hopeful, Intimate	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	4	6	3	6	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
32 - Stealth and Frustration	Anxious, Tense, Desperate	8	7	8	9	7	7	8	7	8	7	8	7	6	9	6	8	8	8	8
33 - Shelter Denied	Sympathetic, Desperate, Resigned	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	8	8	7	7	9	6	9	8	8	8
34 - Altercation Outside Shelter	Tense, Desperate, Violent, Fearful	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	9	8	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
35 - A Father's Struggle	Desperation, Resilience, Sorrow	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
36 - Chris's Frantic Journey	Frantic, Upset, Confrontational, Desperate	8	7	8	8	8	7	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	8	7	9	9	8	8
37 - Shelter Stoop	Reflective, Resigned, Hopeful	8	8	7	8	9	7	9	8	6	7	5	6	7	9	7	9	8	9	9
38 - A Day in the Life of Chris	Desperation, Struggle, Resilience	8	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	7	7	8	7	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
39 - A Father and Son's Journey	Serious, Reflective, Hopeful	8	7	8	9	9	7	8	7	6	5	6	7	6	9	7	9	8	8	8
40 - A Day in San Francisco	Reflective, Hopeful, Resigned	8	8	7	8	9	7	8	7	3	7	4	5	7	9	6	9	8	8	8
41 - Chris's New Beginning	Reflective, Hopeful, Emotional	8	8	7	9	8	8	8	7	6	7	7	8	7	9	7	9	8	8	8
42 - Waiting for the Bus	reflective, nostalgic, emotional	9	8	7	6	9	7	8	6	3	4	4	5	5	9	6	9	8	8	8

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Realistic portrayal of struggles
Tension-building
Authentic character dynamics

Scene Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Limited plot progression
Some dialogue may feel repetitive or melodramatic
Minimal dialogue
Slow pacing in some parts

Suggestions

Consider introducing more external conflict to add stakes and tension
Explore ways to increase plot progression without sacrificing emotional depth and character development
Edit dialogue to ensure each line serves a purpose and avoids repetition
Add more dialogue to deepen character relationships and increase engagement
Experiment with pacing to vary the rhythm of the story and maintain audience interest

World Building

Physical environment: The screenplay is set in various locations in San Francisco, California, in the 1970s and 1980s, depicting a mix of urban and suburban settings. The physical environment plays a significant role in shaping the characters' experiences and actions and contributes to the overall narrative and thematic depth of the screenplay.
Culture: The screenplay explores cultural themes such as the struggle for survival, the search for purpose, and the power of human connection in the face of adversity. The characters come from diverse backgrounds, and their interactions reflect the challenges and complexities of living in a multicultural society.
Society: The screenplay provides a critical examination of societal issues such as poverty, homelessness, and the pursuit of success. The characters grapple with the challenges of finding a job, securing housing, and providing for their families. The screenplay highlights the systemic barriers and inequalities that exist within society and the impact they have on individuals' lives.
Technology: The screenplay incorporates technological elements such as scanners, computers, and telephones, reflecting the technological advancements and evolving communication methods of the time period. The use of technology conveys themes related to the fast-paced nature of the business world, the pursuit of efficiency, and the challenges of keeping up with the latest technological innovations.
Characters influence: The world elements in the screenplay shape the characters' experiences and actions in various ways. The physical environment, with its bustling city streets, cramped living spaces, and natural beauty, influences their daily routines, challenges, and opportunities. The cultural elements, such as societal norms and expectations, impact their relationships, decisions, and struggles. The societal structure, with its emphasis on financial success and competition, shapes their career aspirations and life goals.
Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative of the screenplay by providing a rich and detailed backdrop for the characters' journeys. The physical environment, with its distinctive urban landscapes and suburban areas, serves as a setting for the characters' interactions, conflicts, and triumphs. The cultural elements, with their exploration of themes such as poverty and societal inequality, add depth to the characters' struggles and motivations.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring universal themes related to the human experience. The physical environment, with its harsh and unforgiving elements, emphasizes the characters' vulnerability and the challenges they must overcome. The cultural elements, with their focus on societal issues and the search for purpose, highlight the complexities of human nature and the struggles faced by individuals in society.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice in this screenplay is characterized by its authenticity, emotional depth, and focus on the characters' internal struggles and external challenges. The dialogue is naturalistic and captures the characters' thoughts and emotions in a raw and relatable way. The narrative style is immersive and draws the reader into the characters' journey, highlighting their resilience and determination in the face of adversity.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a strong emotional connection between the characters and the audience. The realistic dialogue and immersive narrative style allow the characters' struggles and triumphs to resonate deeply with the reader, making for a compelling and impactful story.
Best Representation Scene	4 - A Frustrated Start
Best Scene Explanation	Scene 4 is an excellent representative of the writer's voice as it effectively captures the characters' internal struggles and the emotional tension between them. The dialogue is naturalistic and authentic, reflecting the characters' frustrations and anxieties. The narrative style is immersive, drawing the reader into the characters' world and making their struggles relatable and impactful.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
Emphasis on Emotional Impact	Emotional Impact scores tend to be consistently high throughout the screenplay, indicating a strong focus on evoking emotions in the audience. This is further supported by the high scores in Dialogue and Character Changes, suggesting that the screenplay relies heavily on dialogue and character development to convey emotions effectively.
High Stakes and Move Story Forward Scores	High Stakes and Move Story Forward scores are consistently high, indicating that the screenplay maintains a sense of urgency and progression throughout. This is essential for keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.
Tense and Frustrated Tones	Tense and Frustrated tones are prevalent throughout the screenplay, suggesting a consistent atmosphere of tension and conflict. This could indicate a focus on building suspense and keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.
Character Changes and Emotional Impact	Character Changes and Emotional Impact scores tend to be high in scenes with high Overall Grades, indicating that significant character development and emotional moments are often central to the most impactful scenes.
Dialogue and Character Scores	Dialogue and Character scores are consistently high, suggesting that the screenplay places great importance on well-written dialogue and well-developed characters. This emphasizes the importance of effective communication and character relationships in driving the story and connecting with the audience.
Hopeful Tone and Emotional Impact	Scenes with a Hopeful tone tend to have higher Emotional Impact scores, suggesting that moments of hope and optimism can be particularly effective in engaging the audience emotionally.
Low Plot Scores in Scenes with High Emotional Impact	In scenes with high Emotional Impact scores, Plot scores tend to be lower. This could indicate a deliberate choice to prioritize emotional moments over complex plot developments, focusing on the impact and resonance of the scene rather than advancing the story in a significant way.
Spike in Conflict and Emotional Impact in Scene 13	Scene 13 has a notable spike in both Conflict and Emotional Impact scores, indicating a particularly intense and impactful moment in the screenplay. This could represent a turning point or a significant emotional climax for the characters.
Variations in Reflective Tone	The Reflective tone appears in various contexts throughout the screenplay, sometimes accompanied by high Emotional Impact scores and sometimes with lower scores. This suggests that reflection and introspection play a multifaceted role in the story, contributing to both emotional moments and more contemplative or nuanced scenes.
High Stakes in Scenes with Tense Tones	Scenes with Tense tones tend to have higher High Stakes scores, indicating that moments of tension often coincide with high-stakes situations or decisions for the characters. This underlines the interplay between emotional intensity and the consequences or challenges faced by the characters.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation in storytelling, with a focus on creating emotionally resonant characters and narratives. The writer effectively conveys a range of emotions and experiences through authentic dialogue, realistic interactions, and engaging pacing. However, there are a few areas where improvement could enhance the overall impact and depth of the screenplay.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development

Several scenes showcase the potential for deeper characterization. Enhancing the motivations, conflicts, and backstories of the main characters would add complexity and make their actions and choices more impactful.

Scene Transitions

Some scene transitions could be smoother, considering the flow of the narrative and the emotional impact. Refining the transitions between scenes can enhance the pacing and overall cohesion of the story.

Dialogue

While the dialogue is generally realistic and engaging, there are opportunities to elevate the language and make it more distinctive and memorable. Exploring different writing styles and studying examples of effective dialogue in screenplays and films can help enhance the writer's craft.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Screenplay	Read 'Save the Cat!' by Blake Snyder	This book offers valuable insights into character development, plot structure, and creating emotionally resonant stories, addressing the areas of character development and scene transitions.
Exercise	Practice writing character backstories and motivationsPractice In SceneProv	Delving into the characters' past and motivations will help build their depth and make their actions more understandable.
Video	Watch films known for their exceptional dialogue, such as 'Lost in Translation' or 'The Social Network'	Studying well-written dialogue in films can provide inspiration and practical examples for enhancing the writer's own dialogue.

Additional Notes: The writer displays a strong sense of narrative structure and pacing, creating a compelling story that keeps the reader engaged. With further refinement in character development, dialogue, and scene transitions, the screenplay has the potential to become a truly captivating and memorable piece of writing.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
Based on a True Story	The screenplay is based on the real-life experiences of Chris Gardner.	A story that is based on real events or people, such as 'The Social Network' or 'Hidden Figures'
Father-Son Bonding	The film follows the relationship between Chris and his son, Christopher, as they face challenges together.	A story that focuses on the relationship between a father and his son, such as 'The Pursuit of Happyness' or 'Father and Son'
Urban Struggle	The film depicts the struggles of Chris and Christopher as they live in poverty and face homelessness.	A story that is set in an urban environment and focuses on the struggles of the characters, such as 'The Wire' or 'City of God'
Redemption	Chris's character arc shows him overcoming adversity and finding redemption through his determination and hard work.	A story in which a character is able to overcome their past mistakes or failures and find redemption, such as 'The Shawshank Redemption' or 'The Green Mile'
Against All Odds	Chris faces numerous obstacles and challenges, but he never gives up on his dream of providing a better life for his son.	A story in which a character overcomes seemingly insurmountable odds to achieve their goals, such as 'Rocky' or 'The Martian'
Perseverance	Chris's determination and perseverance are key to his success.	A story that emphasizes the importance of perseverance and hard work, such as 'Unbroken' or 'The Karate Kid'
Bildungsroman	The film follows Chris's journey of personal growth and self-discovery.	A story that follows the coming-of-age of a young person, such as 'The Catcher in the Rye' or 'The Great Gatsby'
Social Commentary	The film explores themes of poverty, homelessness, and the struggles of the working class.	A story that examines social issues and problems, such as 'Crash' or 'Selma'
Fatherhood	The film explores the complexities of fatherhood and the challenges of raising a child as a single parent.	A story that focuses on the relationship between a father and his child, such as 'Kramer vs. Kramer' or 'Fatherhood'
Homeless	The film depicts the challenges and struggles of homelessness, as Chris and Christopher are forced to live on the streets.	A story that explores the experiences of homeless people, such as 'The Pursuit of Happyness' or 'Nomadland'
Determination	The film highlights Chris's determination and resilience in the face of adversity.	A story that emphasizes the power of determination and perseverance, such as 'Rocky' or 'The Shawshank Redemption'

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
40	CHRIS: This part of my life... This part is called... happiness.
1	Chris: I never had a dad. That’s not going to happen to him. I’ll always take care of him.
5	Linda: Goodbye. And good riddance.
10	Chris: You really fucked it up.
33	Chris: I have a son. He’s five. We need to stay.

Some Loglines to consider:

A father's love and determination know no bounds as he fights to provide for his family amidst financial struggles and homelessness.
In the face of adversity, one man's unwavering persistence leads him on a journey towards a successful career and a better life for his son.
The power of a father-son bond and a relentless spirit are at the heart of this inspiring story of overcoming obstacles and achieving greatness.
When life throws one man curveballs, he refuses to give up and instead sets out on a path towards success, proving that hard work and determination can truly pay off.
The Pursuit of Happyness is a moving tale of a father's sacrifice and the lengths he will go to secure a better future for his family, no matter the hardship.

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The Pursuit of Happyness
By
Steve Conrad

4/25/05

Revised 1st Draft
EXT. VENICE, CALIFORNIA - DAY (1976)

CHRIS GARDNER, sits on a park bench with his girlfriend LINDA
near a busy amusement park pier in Venice. Linda is a few
months pregnant. Chris wears a navy Seaman’s uniform. Other
sailors wait near a small bus across the street; one is
waving Chris over. The script Venice, California 1976
appears.

SAILOR
(calling Chris to the bus)
We have to get back to the ship!

Chris ignores the guy. Something heavy’s going on between
Linda and Chris. They both seem blue.

CHRIS
(to Linda, calmly)
I’m almost out. One more year. Then
I’ll get a good job. And I’ll take
care of him. Hey.

Chris has said “hey” to get Linda to face him because she
hasn’t been. She does.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I never had a dad. That’s not going
to happen to him. I’ll always take
care of him.

LINDA
You didn’t want to be in this kind
of thing.

CHRIS
What kind of thing?

LINDA
Kid. Not married. No jobs. No real
jobs. Neither did I.

She’s sad over the event of her pregnancy. Chris tries to
cheer her in his calm way.

CHRIS
I’ll get some good work after the
navy. It’s going to be fine. It’s
going to be.

Chris makes a brave face for Linda, but something about his
demeanor shows he knows, because of the pregnancy, that he’s
in a hard spot now he never wished to be in.
2.

EXT. SAN FRANCISCO NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY (1981)

In the more urban setting of San Francisco, trash in City of
San Francisco cans is laid out for pick up in the beaten down
tenderloin district.

EXT. SAN FRANCISCO NEIGHBORHOOD - SAME

A row of low income housing and two-story motels make up a
city block in this same neighborhood.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO CA. - SAME (1981)

Chris waits to cross a street in San Francisco. He’s with his
son CHRISTOPHER, 5. Chris wears a coat and tie and carries a
pretty large, square machine of some kind. The script San
Francisco, 1981 appears.

CHRISTOPHER
Maybe I should make a list.

CHRIS
For your birthday gifts?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah.

CHRIS
Well, you know, you’re just going
to get a couple things.

CHRISTOPHER
Just to look at. And study. So I
can choose better.

CHRIS
Can you spell everything you’re
thinking of?

Christopher thinks about it.

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah...

CHRIS
Okay. Make a list. That’s smart.

The light changes. They start to cross.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Are you doing okay in here?
3.

Chris has nodded up ahead to a city-neighborhood, cut-rate
daycare.

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah... Can we go to the park
today? After?

CHRIS
I’m taking the bus back from
Oakland. I don’t know when I’ll get
home.

EXT. MRS. CHU’S DAYCARE, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris leaves the daycare building after leaving Christopher
there. But he turns and looks back at the building.

He’s looking at their poorly-maintained mural of kids
playing. The paint’s peeling. There’s graffiti over kid’s
faces. And someone’s written Fuck in spray paint on it.

Then Chris looks at the daycare motto painted above. Mrs.
Chu’s Daycare. Fun, Joy, Happyness. Chris looks at the word
Happyness. Time passes. Then he speaks to a Chinese daycare
maintenance worker who’s sweeping out there.

CHRIS
That’s misspelled.

MAINTENANCE WORKER
Hui hyu tsa.

CHRIS
Happiness? There’s no y. After p.

The guy keeps sweeping. Chris keeps looking at the wall, then
he looks inside the window at his son. Inside there,
Christopher’s playing with blocks by himself - he looks more
lonesome than pleased.

INT. DAYCARE PLAYROOM - SAME

While Christopher plays quietly, Chris stands outside the
window looking in. Christopher doesn’t see him.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I’m Chris Gardner.

EXT. MRS. CHU’S - SAME

Chris remains at the window on the San Francisco sidewalk,
looking in at his son.
4.

He’s watching Christopher play with the blocks alone inside.
There, a dog no one’s paying attention to walks right across
the kid’s play area over to a food bowl; there’s spilled food
laying around his bowl. It’s a cramped, unhappy setting for
kids.

Then Chris looks away from the window.

CHRIS (V.O.)
This is part of my life story.

He looks at his watch. Late for something, Chris starts
running off with his machine.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Melancholic, Hopeful, Reflective

Summary Chris Gardner, a US Navy sailor, promises his pregnant girlfriend, Linda, that he will take care of her and their child after he finishes his service. In 1981, Chris and his son Christopher are in San Francisco, where Chris is struggling to find a job. He drops Christopher off at a run-down daycare center and looks in the window at his son playing alone.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Realistic character interactions
Compelling theme

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more concise
Visual descriptions could be more vivid

General Critique

The scene effectively sets up the time period and location with the use of specific details like the Navy sailor uniform and the rundown neighborhood in San Francisco.
The dialogue between Chris and Linda feels authentic and reveals their emotional struggles and hopes for the future.
The misspelling of 'Happyness' in the daycare's motto adds a layer of irony and foreshadows the challenges Chris and his son will face.
The visual descriptions of the daycare and Christopher playing alone effectively convey a sense of isolation and hardship.
The voiceover narration by Chris adds a personal touch and provides insight into his character and perspective.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more visual cues or actions to show the emotional tension between Chris and Linda, rather than relying solely on dialogue.
Explore ways to visually represent Chris's determination and resilience in the face of adversity, perhaps through his actions or interactions with other characters.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
Experiment with different ways to reveal Chris's backstory and motivations, such as through flashbacks or internal monologues, to add depth to his character.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris sits on a bus bench in the city; the guy beside him’s a
drunk Filipino with a screw loose, 60, in a T-shirt that
reads World’s Greatest Dad. Chris keeps the machine on his
lap. The two sit there waiting for the bus.

CHRIS (V.O.)
This part, in the eighties... this
part’s called Riding the Bus.

All of a sudden, the Filipino guy faces Chris and looks
astonished.

FILIPINO GUY
Holy shit, did you just crystallize
from nowhere?

The guy points at Chris’s machine.

FILIPINO GUY (CONT’D)
That’s a time machine. Holy shit.

The bus arrives.

FILIPINO GUY (CONT’D)
(laughing)
Holy shit, man.

Chris’s expression shows the guy’s disturbing his peace. He
stands up to catch the bus.

INT. CITY BUS, MOVING - LATER

Chris rides through east San Francisco; he’s staring out the
window like he’s got something heavy on his mind. He keeps
the machine on his lap.
5.

CHRIS (V.O.)
That’s a bone density scanner.

FILIPINO GUY
This guy has a time machine! This
one fucker!

The Filipino’s seated in the row behind Chris, looking
through the crack between the seats; he’s addressing everyone
on the bus.

FILLIPINO GUY (CONT’D)
He crystallized beside me!

EXT. BUS BENCH, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris waits for a transfer bus on a bench alone; he’s staring
at the machine on his lap.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Where would I go if it was one? If
it was a time machine I wondered.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris carries his scanner as he walks through the city.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Two years back, probably, before I
took this job.

EXT. ST. FRANCIS HOSPITAL, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

A DOCTOR and Chris part company before the entranceway to St.
Francis Hospital. Chris still has his scanner.

CHRIS (V.O.)
This thing was unnecessary and
expensive. It gave a slightly
denser picture than an x-ray, for a
ton more money.

DOCTOR
We just don’t need it, Chris. It’s
unnecessary. And expensive.

EXT. STREET CORNER, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

A still image of Chris standing among a crowd of San
Franciscans waiting for a walk light; he’s staring at the
scanner like he has personal hard feelings toward it.
6.

CHRIS (V.O.)
This was the business I bought
into, when we moved to San
Francisco.

*What follows is a montage of still images of Chris with his
scanner in assorted places around San Francisco, waiting at
corners, waiting for the bus.

EXT. STREET/SIDEWALK, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris walks up a sidewalk. A guy leaves a parked Mercedes a
short distance ahead of him. Chris has been watching him.

CHRIS
(making eye contact)
Hey...

MERCEDES OWNER
Hi...

Chris looks at the car. Then he looks at the guy again.

CHRIS
How are you doing?

MERCEDES OWNER
Good.

CHRIS
(smiling)
Did you have to go to college to do
your job?

MERCEDES OWNER
(smiling back)
Yeah. I’m a structural engineer.
Yeah.

Chris nods. The light changes. Chris starts to cross the
street. Then he checks his watch and starts to run.

EXT. OAKLAND CA. - LATER

Chris runs along the sidewalk beyond a busy Oakland street;
he’s carrying his scanner.

CHRIS (V.O.)
That’s my car.

In the foreground, among the cars parked on the streetside,
is a hazel Riviera with a yellow Denver boot locked down on
the front wheel. A policeman writes a ticket beside the car.
7.

EXT. OAKLAND MEMORIAL HOSPITAL - LATER

Chris jogs with the scanner up the walkway to the main
entrance of Oakland Memorial Hospital.

CHRIS (V.O.)
There’s limited parking near
hospitals.

INT. ELEVATOR, HOSPITAL - LATER

Chris rides up the elevator, holding his scanner box.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I made four hundred and eighteen
dollars on each sale.

INT. CORRIDOR, HOSPITAL OFFICES - LATER

Chris carries his scanner down a long hallway.

CHRIS (V.O.)
A thirty dollar ticket every three
days was a business expense. I
thought I’d take it out of the
commission on my scanners. As I
sold them.

EXT. OAKLAND MEMORIAL HOSPITAL - LATER

Chris walks out the same doors he entered on his way in; HE
STILL HAS THE SCANNER, THOUGH.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I just wasn’t selling any.

INT. CHRIS’S HAZEL RIVIERA - LATER

This is a shot through the windshield of Chris’s parked car.
Bright orange tickets cover the lower half of the windshield.
Chris is visible through the clear space of the glass,
walking across the street up ahead, carrying his scanner.

CHRIS (V.O.)
And I needed at least one
commission a week to cover rent and
daycare.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Melancholic, Reflective, Hopeful

Summary At a bus stop, a drunk Filipino man mistakes Chris's bone density scanner for a time machine. Frustrated and running late, Chris boards a bus to the hospital, carrying the scanner with him. Despite needing to sell scanners to cover expenses, Chris has been unsuccessful and is burdened by unpaid parking tickets.

Strengths

Strong character development
Emotional depth
Unique concept

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue
Slow pacing in some parts

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, leaving the audience confused about the significance of Chris carrying around the scanner.
The dialogue between Chris and the Filipino man feels forced and unrealistic, detracting from the authenticity of the scene.
The voice-over narration is excessive and unnecessary, spelling out details that could be conveyed visually or through character actions.
The montage of still images feels disjointed and does not effectively contribute to the storytelling.
The interactions with the Mercedes owner and the structural engineer lack depth and fail to add meaningful substance to the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on establishing a clear objective or conflict for Chris in this scene to drive the narrative forward.
Revise the dialogue between Chris and the Filipino man to make it more natural and engaging.
Consider reducing the voice-over narration and allowing the visuals and character actions to speak for themselves.
Reevaluate the use of the montage of still images to ensure it enhances the storytelling rather than disrupts the flow.
Enhance the interactions with the Mercedes owner and the structural engineer to add depth and relevance to Chris's journey.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. BUS STOP, OAKLAND - LATER

Later, Chris sits on a bus bench beside an unaccompanied
Chinese kid trying to play a trumpet; it’s nearly evening.
8.

CHRIS
(facing the kid)
Would you stop that?

The kid stops and faces Chris.

KID
(to Chris)
Hu xia tu hi ma.

The kids sits quietly for a moment, then he resumes playing
the trumpet.

CHRIS (V.O.)
So... the bus...

The bus pulls up.

INT. BUS, MOVING - LATER

Chris rides beside the window, with his bone scanner, looking
out at the landscape.

CHRIS (V.O.)
All I’m saying... riding the bus
somedays is a drag.

The kid’s playing the trumpet somewhere behind him. Chris
sits there for a while. He’s sharing the row with a real
heavy guy and he’s sort of over against the wall with his
machine.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I remember... I think it was this
day... I remember I actually tried
it.

Chris looks down at his scanner.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Just in case that crazy fucker was
somehow right.

Chris keeps staring at the machine.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I had this stupid thought, or wish,
that maybe he was right and
everyone else was crazy, and maybe
I was a time traveler and didn’t
know it and could really go
somewhere else if I pushed the
button.
9.

CLOSE ON CHRIS as he considers this. He puts his finger on
the black button.

CHRIS (V.O.)
And I actually pushed the button...
like an idiot...

Chris pushes the button on his medical machine.

CHRIS (V.O.)
...and went nowhere.

Chris sits there for a moment. He’s gone nowhere of course.
Soon, he turns and looks out the window. The city’s going by
beyond him.

EXT. SIDEWALK, SAN FRACISCO - LATER

Chris walks down the sidewalk with the scanner. He comes upon
a young man paying a meter for a parked Ferrari; Chris has
looked at the guy and the car.

CHRIS
(to the guy, saying hi)
Hey.

FERRARI OWNER
Hey.

CHRIS
Can I ask you something?

FERRARI OWNER
What?

CHRIS
(to the guy)
What do you do?

FERRARI OWNER
(looking over)
What? For a job?

CHRIS
Yeah.

FERRARI OWNER
I’m a stockbroker.

Time passes.

CHRIS
Do you have to go to college?
10.

FERRARI OWNER
Have to?

CHRIS
Yeah.

More time goes by.

FERRARI OWNER
You don’t have to.

Chris nods. The guy’s said it to mean you don’t have to but
you sure should. Then Chris starts to cross the street.

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - LATER (NIGHT)

Chris and Linda eat dinner at the kitchen table without
speaking. Linda wears a grocery worker’s uniform. The
apartment’s small and unadorned with anything. Some time
passes during which there’s the heavy silence between a
couple not getting along.

INT. KITCHEN - LATER (NIGHT)

Linda cleans up after dinner. Chris walks past and sees a
RUBIK’S CUBE resting on a kitchen counter.

CHRIS
What’s this?

LINDA
A gift for Christopher.

CHRIS
From who?

LINDA
Cynthia. From work. It’s for
adults. It’s an adult thing. Chris
can’t use it. She didn’t know.

CHRIS
What is it?

LINDA
You’re supposed to make every side
a solid color.

Chris picks the thing up.

LINDA (CONT’D)
Did you pay the taxes?
11.

CHRIS
I filed an extension...

LINDA
You already filed an extension.

CHRIS
I had to file another one. The bill
was six hundred and fifty. I’ll
have it in September.

LINDA
That means interest. Right?

CHRIS
Yeah. Some.

Money seems to be a source of conflict for them. Rather than
deal with it further, Linda leaves the room. Chris remains
there.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Melancholic, Reflective, Tense

Summary Chris is frustrated by a kid playing the trumpet at a bus stop. He contemplates the possibility of time travel while on the bus. At home, he and Linda have a tense dinner and argue about money. Chris sees a Rubik's Cube, a gift for their son, and picks it up.

Strengths

Realistic character dynamics
Emotional depth
Symbolism

Weaknesses

Pacing could be improved
Lack of external conflict

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, leading to a lack of engagement for the audience.
The dialogue between Chris and the Chinese kid playing the trumpet feels forced and doesn't add much to the scene.
The internal monologue from Chris about being a time traveler and pushing the button on his medical machine feels out of place and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
The interaction between Chris and the Ferrari owner about his job as a stockbroker feels abrupt and doesn't flow naturally.
The tension between Chris and Linda about finances and taxes is not fully explored and resolved in the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider streamlining the scene to focus on a specific conflict or goal for Chris to achieve.
Revise the dialogue between Chris and the Chinese kid to make it more meaningful and relevant to the overall story.
Integrate Chris's internal thoughts about being a time traveler in a more cohesive way with the rest of the scene.
Develop the interaction between Chris and the Ferrari owner to provide more insight into Chris's aspirations and motivations.
Expand on the conflict between Chris and Linda about finances to add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. PATIO, APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)

Chris has come out on the patio idly with the cube; it’s not
a patio in the sense that one would derive enjoyment from
sitting there. It’s cement space outside the kitchen. Each
small apartment in the complex has one, so Chris is sitting
five feet from his neighbor’s patios on either side. He’s
started messing with the cube. Time passes like this while
Chris, over a minute or so in real time, SOLVES THREE SIDES
OF THE RUBIK’S CUBE COMPLETELY. His thoughts are somewhere
else, though, so he doesn’t care to finish. He just puts the
thing down and goes back inside.

INT. BATHROOM - DAY (MORNING)

Chris and Linda share the real small space of their bathroom;
Chris brushes his teeth. Linda’s finishing dressing for work;
they’re in the middle of an argument.

CHRIS
(upset about it)
Does he have to be in daycare from
6:30 in the morning?

LINDA
(pissed too)
Can you watch him?

CHRIS
I need to be in the financial
district. Before work.
12.

LINDA
I have to open. It’s the
nineteenth. We have to pay rent
next week. I need both shifts.

Linda tries to leave and bumps Chris’s shoulder.

LINDA (CONT’D)
Fuck...

Linda walks out. Chris is left alone. He stands there for a
while. Then he resumes brushing his teeth. A few moments go
by. Chris rises up and looks in the mirror for a while; he’s
sizing himself up. Time passes while Chris looks at himself.

INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Chris has followed Linda into their bedroom.

CHRIS
I just want to go by Dean Witter.
Before work.

LINDA
For what?

CHRIS
I want to see about a job.

LINDA
What job?

CHRIS
I want some information about a job
there.

LINDA
What job?

CHRIS
Stockbroker.

Linda looks at Chris like he’s aiming off the mark for what’s
likely or best for them.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I could go through a math book in a
week when I was a kid. I want to
see about it.

LINDA
I have to open. So you have
Christopher.
13.

CHRIS
I’ll go by during the day.

LINDA
You should probably do your sales
calls. Sell what’s in your contract
and get us out of that business,
Chris. Fuck, Chris. Okay?

Linda has finished dressing and leaves the room. Chris
watches her go.

INT. CHRISTOPHER’S BEDROOM - LATER

Christopher’s sleeping. The clock beside his bed reads 5:30.
Chris sits on the bed, waking him up.

CHRIS
Christopher...

INT. BREAKFAST TABLE - LATER

Chris and his son have breakfast. The table’s in the kitchen.
The kitchen’s real small. It’s pretty early. Christopher’s
holding a cereal spoon. But his eyes are closed and he’s
motionless. Chris looks over at him.

CHRIS
(trying to wake him up)
Pssst.

Christopher’s eyes open. Chris looks at him. There’s a small,
black and white TV on the counter that plays local news;
there, a field reporter’s holding a Rubik’s Cube up for the
camera.

REPORTER
...is shaping up to the be the gift
sensation of 1981. Don’t expect to
solve it easily, although we
encountered a math professor at USF
who took just thirty minutes on
his.

Chris notices the TV. He’s getting the idea the cube’s a
challenge he could pass easily. He looks back at Christopher.
Christopher’s eyes are closed again. Chris looks at him with
bad feelings he’s got his son up so early.

EXT. BUS STOP, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris is freshly dressed for work and is holding a scanner as
he sits waiting for the San Francisco city bus.
14.

The kid with the trumpet sits beside him, playing it. Chris
stares straight ahead like he’s determined about something.

EXT. DEAN WITTER OFFICE, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Businessmen and women walk around the financial district.
Soon, Chris becomes visible, turning a corner onto the same
sidewalk, joining the group of traders and brokers. He stops
and looks across the street at a Dean Witter branch office;
he’s holding the scanner. Then he turns back the way he came.

EXT. SIDEWALK, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Down the street, Chris speaks with a GIRL JUNKIE who sits a
couple steps up apartment stairs off the sidewalk. The
scanner rests at Chris’s feet; Chris holds some dollar bills.

CHRIS
Can I give you a couple dollars?
You can watch this for me? I’m
going in for a meeting. I don’t
want to bring this in and look
small time.

GIRL JUNKIE
Yeah.

Chris hands the girl the money. Something occurs to him.

CHRIS
(doesn’t want her to steal
it)
It can’t be sold anywhere. It’s
medical equipment. It can’t be sold
anywhere. I can’t even sell them,
and it’s my job. I’ll give you some
more money when I get back.

GIRL JUNKIE
Yeah.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Frustrated, Resigned

Summary Chris, waking early, attempts to solve a Rubik's Cube but is distracted and leaves it unfinished. Marital tension flares between him and Linda over childcare and finances, resulting in her departure for work. Chris contemplates a career shift to stockbroking. After dropping their son at daycare, he waits at a bus stop feeling determined. He approaches a Dean Witter office but hesitates and leaves. He entrusts a scanner to a female addict while he attends a meeting.

Strengths

Realistic portrayal of challenges
Strong character motivations
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Limited visual description

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, jumping from Chris solving a Rubik's Cube to an argument with Linda to getting ready for work.
The dialogue between Chris and Linda feels forced and lacks depth, making their argument seem superficial.
The transition between different locations and timeframes is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative.
The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to engage the audience in the characters' struggles and conflicts.
The visual descriptions are minimal and do not effectively set the scene or create a vivid picture for the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on one central conflict or theme in the scene to provide a clear direction for the characters and the audience.
Develop the dialogue between Chris and Linda to make their argument more realistic and emotionally impactful.
Improve the transitions between different locations and timeframes to create a more cohesive and engaging narrative flow.
Add more emotional depth to the characters' interactions and struggles to make the scene more compelling for the audience.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and vivid setting for the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. RECEPTION AREA, DEAN WITTER BRANCH - LATER

Chris sits alone in the reception area. Then TIM BROPHY
enters the room.

TIM BROPHY
Chris?

CHRIS
(standing quickly)
Hi.
15.

TIM BROPHY
(offering his hand)
Tim Brophy. Resources. I was going
out to grab a coffee. Do you want
to come?

EXT. PUBLIC SQUARE, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris and Tim Brophy have come outside to a nearby public
park square. They’re mid-conversation, sitting together on
the low, perimeter wall of the park fountain.

TIM BROPHY
Here’s an ap. For our internship.
That’s all we can do for you here.

Brophy hands the application to Chris.

CHRIS
Thanks...

TIM BROPHY (CONT’D)
We have a resume sheet, too. We’ve
had a lot of applications, though.
We’re out.

CHRIS HAS NOTICED SOMETHING ACROSS THE PARK, THOUGH; THE GIRL
JUNKIE’S CARRYING HIS SCANNER OFF. She’s walked away with it
into the city.

TIM BROPHY (CONT’D)
You can pick one up at your school.
We send them out.

CHRIS
Mr. Brophy, I have to go.

TIM BROPHY
Okay.

CHRIS
I have to. Thanks.

Then Chris rises and runs off.

EXT. SIDEWALK, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris sprints through a large group of young market traders
on break.
16.

EXT. STREET/TRAIN STATION, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

The girl junkie with the scanner takes the stairs up to the
train. It’s a long shot that shows city sidewalk a good
distance behind her; Chris is visible down there running
toward her. But the train comes and blocks the view. The
train sits there, obscuring anything that’s happening behind
it. After a while, it moves along, and when it’s totally out
of frame it reveals Chris standing on the station platform
all alone without his scanner, having reached it too late.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I rode up and down looking for her.
That day.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

Chris stands near the window of the moving train, watching
the city landscape pass outside.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

This train’s moving the other way. Chris is seated now. He
looks at the papers Brophy gave him.

CHRIS (V.O.)
There were three blank lines after
“High School” to list more
education. The program took just
twenty people every six months. One
got a job. The internship paid
nothing.

EXT. CITY TRAIN PLATFORM, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER (NIGHT)

Chris leaves a train later with some others. He walks across
the platform toward the stairs, then he puts the application
in the trash can by the steps and keeps walking.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - MORNING

It’s just sunrise so there’s little traffic. Chris and
Christopher leave Linda at a bus stop bench for her ride to
work and start walking off on their own somewhere; Chris
carries a scanner, Christopher a backpack.

LINDA
(to Chris, about the
scanner, kidding sort of)
Come back without that, please.
17.

CHRIS
(trying to be light-
hearted about it)
I’m going to. Say goodbye to it.
Because I’m coming back without it.

LINDA
(to the scanner, just
slightly amused)
Goodbye. And good riddance.

CHRIS
(trying to kid)
You didn’t have to add “good
riddance.”

LINDA
(to Chris and Christopher)
Goodbye.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Determined

Summary Chris meets with a Dean Witter representative to discuss an internship, but faces disappointment upon learning about the program's competitiveness. As he exits the branch, his scanner is stolen by a girl junkie. Chris gives chase but fails to retrieve it. Discouraged by both experiences, he discards the internship application and continues his job search.

Strengths

Realistic portrayal of character emotions
Effective use of setting to convey mood and tone
Engaging storyline

Weaknesses

Some pacing issues in the pursuit of the girl junkie with the scanner

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple elements introduced but not fully explored or resolved.
The transition between different locations and events feels disjointed and abrupt, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative flow.
The interaction between Chris and Tim Brophy feels rushed and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to establish a meaningful connection between the characters.
The sudden appearance of the girl junkie stealing Chris's scanner feels contrived and lacks a natural build-up or explanation.
The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to fully explore the internal struggles and motivations of the characters, particularly Chris.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider streamlining the scene to focus on one central conflict or theme, such as Chris's pursuit of the internship opportunity at Dean Witter.
Provide more context and background information to establish a stronger foundation for the events unfolding in the scene.
Develop the relationship between Chris and Tim Brophy to create a more engaging and dynamic interaction.
Integrate the subplot of the girl junkie stealing the scanner more seamlessly into the narrative, giving it a clearer purpose and resolution.
Enhance the emotional depth of the scene by delving deeper into Chris's internal struggles and motivations, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - LATER

Chris and Christopher have walked farther into east San
Francisco, past a park where one guy’s shooting baskets.
Christopher’s watching him.

CHRIS
That’s not how you spell it.

CHRISTOPHER
How?

CHRIS
P-p-y. It’s an “i.” Happiness.

CHRISTOPHER
That’s an adjective?

CHRIS
Yeah. It’s just not spelled right.

CHRISTOPHER
Is “fuck” right?

Chris doesn’t say anything for a while.

CHRIS
Yeah. But that’s not part of the
motto. So... you’re not supposed to
learn that. It’s a grown up word.
To show anger, and other things.
Drop it, okay?
18.

CHRISTOPHER
All right.

CHRIS
What’s it say on your bag? That
tape?

CHRISTOPHER
My nickname. We picked nicknames.

CHRIS
What’s it say?

CHRISTOPHER
Hot Rod. Did you have a nickname?

Chris thinks for a while.

CHRIS
Yeah.

CHRISTOPHER
What?

CHRIS
Ten Gallon Head...

CHRISTOPHER
What’s that?

CHRIS
I lived in Louisiana, near Texas.
Before I joined the navy. People
wore cowboy hats. A ten gallon’s a
big hat. I was good at school. I
was smart when I was a kid, so they
called me Ten Gallon Head.

CHRISTOPHER
Hoss wears that hat.

CHRIS
Hoss?

CHRISTOPHER
Hoss Cartwright. On Bonanza.

CHRIS
How do you know Bonanza?

CHRISTOPHER
I watch Bonanza at Mrs. Chu’s.
19.

CHRIS
You watch Bonanza at daycare?

Christopher’s gotten distracted by a Chinese pushcart
passing.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Hey. You watch Bonanza at daycare?

Christopher nods.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
When?

CHRISTOPHER
What?

CHRIS
When do you watch it? After snack?
After your nap?...

CHRISTOPHER
After Love Boat.

Chris looks down at his son, getting pissed.

CHRIS
(quietly)
Fuck...

CHRISTOPHER
I made my list. For my birthday.

CHRIS
(distracted, thinking
about the TV issue)
What did you pick?

CHRISTOPHER
A basketball. Or an ant farm.

CHRIS
Okay...

EXT. MS. CHU’S DAYCARE - LATER

Out front of the daycare doorway, in the San Francisco
neighborhood, Chris holds a conversation with elderly,
Chinese MRS. CHU.

CHRIS
He says he’s watching TV.
20.

She shows Chris an inch distance between her thumb and
forefinger.

MRS. CHU
Little TV. For history.

CHRIS
Love Boat?

MRS. CHU
For history. Navy.

CHRIS
That’s not the navy.

MRS. CHU
Little TV.

CHRIS
He could watch TV at home. We pay
three hundred dollars a month. I’m
going to take him out if you’re
watching TV.

MRS. CHU
Navy history. Little history.
Little TV. Go pay more at other
daycare if you don’t like history
TV.

Chris’s expression means he doesn’t have that money.

MRS. CHU (CONT’D)
You late pay anyway. You complain,
I complain. You late pay.

In the middle of this, Chris looks at his watch; he’s late.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Frustrated

Summary Chris and Christopher walk past a park where they discuss the meaning of words and nicknames. Chris corrects Christopher's spelling of "happiness" and explains the word "fuck." They talk about their childhood nicknames and the TV shows Christopher watches at daycare. Chris is upset about the TV watching but has to leave as he is late.

Strengths

Strong character development
Emotional depth
Realistic dialogue

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be repetitive or unclear

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, as it jumps from one topic to another without a cohesive thread.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and emotional connection.
The conflict between Chris and Mrs. Chu about TV watching at daycare is not fully explored or resolved, leaving the scene feeling incomplete.
The transition between different topics and interactions within the scene is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow and engage with the story.
The scene lacks a strong emotional impact or character development, failing to create a meaningful connection with the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on a central theme or conflict to drive the scene forward and create a more engaging narrative.
Develop the dialogue between Chris and Christopher to be more authentic and reflective of their relationship dynamics.
Provide a resolution to the conflict with Mrs. Chu to add closure and depth to the scene.
Smooth out the transitions between different interactions and topics to create a more cohesive and fluid storytelling experience.
Add emotional depth and character development to make the scene more impactful and resonate with the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. TRAIN PLATFORM - LATER

Chris stands on a platform, with his scanner, waiting for a
train.

Chris looks across the tracks.

CHRIS’S POV

THE TRASH CAN CHRIS PUT HIS APPLICATION IN rests on the
opposite platform from his.

Chris stands across the tracks looking at it.
21.

STATION SPEAKER
Blue line...

Chris looks down the line for the train. IT’S COMING. Chris
looks across the tracks at the trash can.

CHRIS (V.O.)
This part of my life’s called...
running.

Like a bolt, Chris takes off running. He sprints with his
scanner toward the platform steps down.

INT. STATION PASS THROUGH - CONTINUOUS

To reach the other side, Chris must run with his scanner
through the station underground pass-through.

EXT. OPPOSITE PLATFORM - CONTINUOUS

Chris has grabbed his application out of the can and taken
off for the stairs as the train pulls in across the tracks.

INT. STATION PASS THROUGH - CONTINUOUS

Chris runs back through the underground pass.

EXT. PLATFORM - CONTINUOUS

Chris reaches the other platform and sprints toward the
closing doors of the metro train. He jumps in as the doors
close and the train rolls off.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING, FINANCIAL DISTRICT - LATER

Chris stands outside the skyscraper lobby with his scanner
and application.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I was waiting for Witter resource
head Jay Twistle, whose name
sounded so delightful, like he’d
give you a job and a hug.

A tall, thin businessman MR. TWISTLE walks up toward the
entranceway from a cab.

CHRIS
Hi, are you Mr. Twistle?

MR. TWISTLE
Yes.
22.

CHRIS
I’m Chris Gardner.

Chris shows him the application.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I wanted to drop this off
personally and make your
acquaintance. They described you in
the office. I thought I might catch
you on your way in.

MR. TWISTLE
Okay.

CHRIS
I’d appreciate the opportunity to
discuss what may seem like
weaknesses in my application.

TWISTLE
(gesturing to Chris with
the application)
We’ll start with this, Chris. We’ll
call you if we want to sit down.

Chris nods; he’s been rebuffed. He starts to walk away.

EXT. STREET CORNER, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris speaks on a pay phone. The scanner rests at his feet.

CHRIS
Chris Gardner for Dr. Delsey.
(listening)
I’m running late for a sales call.
Acro. It’s with Dr. Delsey and Dr.
Cross.
(listening)
Can we still do it? In a half-hour?

Then CHRIS CATCHES SIGHT OF SOMETHING.

CHRIS’S POV

Across the street, in a slice of space between skyscrapers,
Chris has seen the girl junkie and A BOYFRIEND walking by.
THE GUY’S GOT CHRIS’S MEDICAL EQUIPMENT.

Chris stares at them from across the street. He wants to get
off the phone and chase the pair, but the receptionist is
still speaking.
23.

CHRIS
Okay.
(listening)
I’ll see you then. Okay. Thank you.

Chris hangs the phone up and takes off running.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - SAME

The girl and her boyfriend have taken Chris’s stuff to a bus
stop. They’re in a line of folks boarding the city bus. Chris
comes running up the street behind them. The bus pulls away.
Chris is right behind it, though, and never lets up running;
he’s pretty strong and fast and can keep up with the bus from
the sidewalk.

CHRIS (V.O.)
That was my stolen machine...
unless she was with a guy who sold
them, too..

THE FRAME FREEZES on Chris in mid sprint.

CUT TO:

A QUICK FLASHBACK OF CHRIS SIGNING A CONTRACT IN A MEDICAL
SUPPLY COMPANY OFFICE

CHRIS (V.O.)
...which was unlikely because I had
the whole Bay area in my
contract...

EXT. MEDICAL SUPPLY COMPANY WAREHOUSE - DAY (FLASHBACK)

With the help of a warehouse worker, Chris loads scanners
into the back of a rented van. Linda waits beside it, looking
on.

CHRIS (V.O.)
...which meant I more or less owned
these things. Which seemed like a
good idea at the time...

EXT. APARTMENT STAIRWELL - DAY (FLASHBACK)

Chris, Linda and the warehouse guy carry scanners up the
stairwell steps to Chris and Linda’s apartment.

CHRIS (V.O.)
..because I didn’t know yet that
doctors and hospitals would regard
them as unnecessary luxuries.
24.
CHRIS(cont'd)
I even asked the warehouse man to
take a picture.

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY (FLASHBACK)

Because of a lack of space, Chris has had to stack the
scanners along the living room wall. There are thirty of them
stacked up there. Chris stands in front of the stack with
Linda. They’re posing for the picture. Chris smiles from the
enthusiasm of a new endeavor. IN FACT, HE OFFERS A THUMBS UP
TO THE CAMERA. HE NUDGES LINDA, WHO SEEMS A LITTLE LESS
ENTHUSIASTIC, TO GIVE A THUMBS UP, TOO; SHE SMILES AND,
BECAUSE SHE’S THROWING IN WITH CHRIS’S DREAM, GIVE THE THUMBS
UP, though it’s not quite as heartfelt as Chris’s. The camera
flashes.

Genres: Drama, Biography
Tone: Determined, Frustrated, Hopeful

Summary Chris races across train tracks to retrieve his application and pursue stolen medical equipment.

Strengths

Fast-paced action
Tension-filled pursuit
Insightful flashbacks

Weaknesses

Lack of depth in dialogue
Limited character development

General Critique

The scene starts with a high-stakes moment of Chris trying to catch a train, which creates tension and urgency. This is a good way to engage the audience.
The flashback sequences provide important background information about Chris's past decisions and struggles, adding depth to his character.
The scene effectively shows Chris's determination and persistence in trying to retrieve his stolen medical equipment, highlighting his resourcefulness.
The dialogue between Chris and Mr. Twistle at the Dean Witter building is realistic and conveys the professional dynamics between them.
The visual descriptions, such as Chris running to catch the bus and the frozen frame of him in mid-sprint, create a vivid picture of the action.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or voiceover from Chris to provide insight into his thoughts and emotions during the intense moments.
Explore the emotional impact of the flashback sequences further to deepen the audience's connection to Chris's character.
Add more interactions between Chris and the girl junkie and her boyfriend to build tension and suspense as Chris tries to retrieve his stolen equipment.
Enhance the dialogue between Chris and Mr. Twistle to reveal more about Chris's motivations and goals in pursuing a job opportunity at Dean Witter.
Consider incorporating more visual cues or symbolism to underscore the themes of determination and resilience in Chris's journey.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CITY BUS, MOVING - SAME

In the present again, the girl and her boyfriend sit toward
the back of the bus. It moves through the San Francisco
neighborhood. Chris is visible out the window, running
alongside the bus.

CHRIS (V.O.)
....so if I lost one, it was like
losing groceries. For a month.

EXT. SIDEWALK - SAME

Chris runs hard to keep up with the bus; he’s still got his
scanner. The bus is pulling up to a corner stop; he’s going
to catch it.

Chris has reached the bus and goes right in in front of
commuters who were waiting.

INT. CITY BUS - CONTINUOUS

Chris walks past the driver without paying fare.

DRIVER
Hey, man...

Chris head down the aisle with his scanner until he reaches
the junkies’ seat.

CHRIS
Hey...

The guy looks up.
25.

EXT. BUS STOP - LATER

The bus doors have opened to let commuters off at a corner.
Soon, Chris leaves the bus with two bone density scanners. He
places them on the sidewalk to rest. He checks his watch.
He’s late for his sales call. He picks the scanners up and
starts running with them again.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris runs through San Francisco with both scanners.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I carried them because I got paid
at installation.

EXT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE, SAN FRANCISCO HOSPITAL - LATER

Chris sits at a board table across from a pair of doctors.
Both scanners rest on the table top.

CHRIS
I could even install today.

FIRST DOCTOR
We don’t need two.

The second doctor looks at the equipment.

SECOND DOCTOR
We don’t need one.

Chris looks back at the doctors.

EXT. INTERSECTION, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris carries both scanners across a city intersection.

EXT. CITY TRAIN PLATFORM, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris has retrieved Christopher and holds both scanners as
they wait for the train. Christopher’s looking at him.

CHRISTOPHER
Did you forget?

CHRIS
Forget what?

CHRISTOPHER
(nodding at the scanners)
You’re not supposed to have any of
those.
26.

CHRIS
I know.

CHRISTOPHER
You have two now.

CHRIS
Yeah, I know.

INT. KITCHEN, CHRIS’S APARTMENT - LATER

Linda sets dinner out. Chris enters the kitchen with his son.
LINDA LOOKS AT THE SCANNERS HE CARRIES, taking notice Chris
didn’t sell them.

CHRIS
Hey...

LINDA
Hey...

She stares at Chris with his double scanners. They don’t say
anything, but she’s thinking of this morning and Chris’s
promise he was going to make something happen with his sales
job.

INT. KITCHEN - LATER

Later, after dinner at the kitchen table, Christopher has
opened a birthday gift. Chris hands him a second one - a gift-
wrapped basketball.

CHRISTOPHER
(taking it, smiling)
Thanks for the basketball.

CHRIS
(smiling)
How do you know it’s a basketball?

The child’s pretty smart and gets the humor in the fact the
gift was obvious.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Maybe it’s an ant farm.

CHRISTOPHER
(amused)
No way.

Christopher unwraps the ball.
27.

CHRIS
We’ll go play soon. Okay?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah...

INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER (NIGHT)

Chris passes through the living room. A wide shot shows
TWENTY SCANNERS STACKED along the wall there.

Genres: null
Tone: null

Summary A man named Chris rides a bus in San Francisco and tries to sell bone density scanners he stole. He is unsuccessful and returns home to his wife and son.

Strengths null

Weaknesses null

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering Chris is running to catch the bus and is late for a sales call. The pacing could be improved to convey the urgency of the situation.
The interaction between Chris and the doctors at the hospital lacks depth and conflict. It would be more engaging if there was a more significant obstacle or negotiation involved in trying to sell the scanners.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher at the train platform feels a bit forced and could be more natural and engaging to reflect their relationship better.
The lack of communication between Chris and Linda about the scanners and his sales job could be explored further to add depth to their relationship and the challenges they are facing.
The visual of twenty scanners stacked against the wall in the living room at the end of the scene could be more impactful if there was a clearer connection to the overall story and Chris's struggles.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more obstacles or conflicts for Chris to overcome during his run to catch the bus and the sales call to increase tension and engagement.
Enhance the dialogue between Chris and the doctors at the hospital to make the scene more dynamic and compelling.
Work on making the interaction between Chris and Christopher at the train platform more authentic and reflective of their relationship.
Develop the communication between Chris and Linda regarding the scanners and his sales job to deepen their characters and the challenges they face.
Connect the visual of the twenty scanners in the living room to the larger story and Chris's struggles to make it more impactful and meaningful.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. PATIO, CHRIS’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Linda’s out on the small setting of the third floor patio
balcony. THERE’S AN OLD NEIGHBOR BEATING A SMALL RUG on the
balcony right beside her, and another one smoking on a lawn
chair just to her left. Chris comes out and finds her there;
they don’t say anything for a while.

CHRIS
(having to whisper because
the neighbors are close)
It was a fucked up day. I went by
Dean Witter. I ended up having to
run somebody down. Someone tried to
run off--

LINDA
Whatever...

CHRIS
Whatever? What are you talking
about?

THE GUY KEEPS BEATING THE RUG beside them. Chris looks over
at him; it’s getting to Chris.

LINDA
(having to whisper)
Whatever.

CHRIS
What do you mean whatever?

LINDA
I don’t care. Whatever. Every day’s
got some story so...

CHRIS
(having to whisper,
meaning believe in him)
Hang on.
28.

LINDA
(didn’t hear him)
What?

CHRIS
Can you hang on?

The guy keeps beating the rug.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Can you just hang on.

The guy beats the rug. It sets Chris off.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(yelling)
Roy. Hey. Beat your little rug when
no one else is out here. Can you?

ROY
I’m trying to keep a clean house,
Chris.

CHRIS
We’re talking.

The man lays the rug on the balcony rail. Chris seems to
regret he laid into such an old guy. But he faces Linda
again.

CHRIS
(still whispering)
I’m saying... just hang on. We’ll
come out of it. It’s going to be
fine.

LINDA
You said that before. You said that
before Christopher, it’ll be fine.

CHRIS
What? You don’t trust me?

LINDA
Whatever...

After a moment, Linda goes back into the house. Chris remains
on the balcony. He stands there for a while. Then the old
neighbor begins beating his rug again.
29.

EXT. SAN FRANCISCO NEIGHBORHOOD - EARLY MORNING

It’s not yet light. Chris and his son walk to work and
daycare again

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER(SUNRISE)

They wait at a corner to cross. Beyond them, the sun’s just
coming up. A car’s passing; Christopher starts to cross
without looking.

CHRIS
(stopping him)
Christopher, look. I know it’s
early. But wake up.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

Chris is dressed for work and stands outside Dean Witter,
holding a scanner and waiting for Twistle as he approaches
from the street.

CHRIS
Mr. Twistle.

The two shake hands.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Chris Gardner. We met a couple
weeks ago. I gave you an
application--

MR. TWISTLE
Chris, I’m busy right now.

CHRIS
I’m sorry.

Twistle continues on his way. Chris watches him go.

INT. MOVIE THEATER, SAN FRANCISCO - DAY

The Disney picture The Fox and The Hound plays on the theater
screen.

Chris sits in the audience with his son. Chris watches the
picture for a time. Soon, he turns to check on Christopher
and finds him asleep. He looks at his son for a while,
getting the idea clearly that the way he lives is wearing his
son out.
30.

EXT. FINANCIAL DISTRICT - DAY

On another day, Chris, with a scanner, runs along a sidewalk
in the financial district, past the Transamerica building.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

Chris waits in his now familiar spot before the Dean Witter
skyscraper. Jay Twistle leaves the building. As he approaches
a cab, Chris approaches him.

CHRIS
Mr. Twistle?

TWISTLE
Hi.

CHRIS
Chris Gar--

TWISTLE
Yeah. Listen. What can I do for
you?

CHRIS
I submitted an application for the
intern program. I hoped I could sit
down with you for a moment.

TWISTLE
I’m on my way to Russian Hill,
Chris.

Twistle has pointed to the cab. Chris looks at the cab; he
decides to lie.

CHRIS
Me, too. Can we share a ride maybe?

Twistle looks back at Chris.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Hopeful, Frustrated

Summary Chris tries to reassure Linda that their situation will improve, but she remains skeptical. Chris leaves for work, feeling frustrated and desperate. He encounters an old neighbor who annoys him and shares a ride with a wealthy businessman, hoping to find a job opportunity.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Realistic dialogue

Weaknesses

Lack of resolution in the conversation between Chris and Linda

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, leading to a lack of emotional impact on the audience.
The dialogue between Chris and Linda feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The interaction with the neighbor beating the rug adds unnecessary distraction and does not contribute to the overall narrative.
The transition between different locations and time frames is abrupt and disjointed, making it hard to follow the sequence of events.
There is a lack of visual storytelling and descriptive elements that could enhance the scene and create a more engaging atmosphere.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a clear conflict or emotional tension between Chris and Linda to drive the scene forward.
Consider removing the unnecessary elements like the neighbor beating the rug to streamline the narrative and maintain the audience's interest.
Work on improving the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations.
Enhance the visual elements by describing the setting in more detail and using visual cues to convey the characters' emotions and actions.
Ensure a smooth transition between different locations and time frames to create a cohesive and engaging storytelling experience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CAB, MOVING - LATER

Chris sits in the back of a cab that drives through San
Francisco.

CHRIS
... a lot of my family members were
in the navy. I just decided to join
after high-school...

Chris is looking across the cab back seat; he’s disappointed
by what he sees.
31.

What Chris sees is Twistle sitting across from him, playing
with a Rubik’s Cube and half-listening to Chris.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
... I planned on going to college,
but I started a family before I was
discharged and began working...

Twistle’s still messing with the cube while Chris is talking.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Mr. Twistle, I’m trying to...

TWISTLE
I’m sorry. This fucking thing’s
impossible.

Chris looks over at Twistle. Time passes.

CHRIS
I can do it.

TWISTLE
No one can.

CHRIS
I can.

TWISTLE
No one can. It’s bullshit.

CHRIS
Give it to me.

Twistle looks at Chris. After a moment, he hands him the
Rubik’s Cube. Chris looks at it as he begins to make some
corrections on it.

CHRIS
(good-natured)
You really fucked it up.

TWISTLE
(lighthearted)
Sorry.

CHRIS
It’s all...
(looking out at the
street)
How far away are we?
32.

TWISTLE
I don’t care. We can drive around
all day. Because you can’t do it.
It’s bullshit.

CHRIS
Yes, I can.

TWISTLE
No, you can’t.

CHRIS
Yeah, I can.

Twistle’s smiling now. Chris sits in the back of the cab,
twisting the thing backwards and forwards. Twistle watches.

The cab driver looks on in the rear view mirror. He’s got a
Rubik’s Cube on the seat beside him.

Chris continues moving the thing around.

Twistle continues watching.

The cab driver keeps watching as well.

Chris has two sides solid already.

Twistle looks on.

The cabbie pulls up to where Twistle was headed. No one
leaves the cab. Chris keeps working on the cube. He stops for
a while, though. Some part of it’s got him hung up. He stares
at it. Everyone’s gone quiet in anticipation of Chris
succeeding or not. Chris figures something out, turns the
thing three times. Then he shows the finished cube to
Twistle.

Twistle looks back at Chris.

CAB DRIVER
(about the fare)
Seventeen ten.

TWISTLE
(to Chris)
You were going on, right? Somewhere
else in Russian Hill?

CHRIS
Yes.

Twistle has stepped out of the cab.
33.

TWISTLE
(about the cube, to Chris)
Good job.

He waves goodbye to Chris; he hasn’t offered any money or
anything further about Chris’s interest in his program.

CAB DRIVER
(to Chris)
Where are you going?

Chris is still watching Twistle.

CAB DRIVER (CONT’D)
Where are you going?

CHRIS
Go over to Pacific...

The cab pulls out. Chris rides in the back. He sees something
that troubles him.

CHRIS’S POV

Chris is looking at the cab fare meter. It reads $17.30.

Chris’s expression imparts he doesn’t have the fare. As the
cab drives along, Chris grows more concerned.

EXT. TRAFFIC, RUSSIAN HILL, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

An exterior shot of the cab in traffic. Chris’s door opens
violently and he bolts out.

CAB DRIVER
Hey!

Chris sprints up Pacific Avenue away from the cab. The
driver’s jumped out to chase him.

EXT. HYDE STREET - SAME

Chris has run onto Hyde Street. He’s faster than the driver
and pulls away.

EXT. POLK STREET - LATER

Chris has turned into an alley off Polk. He stays there for a
while. The cab driver walks by out on Polk. He’s looking for
Chris. He’s lost him. The driver heads back for his cab.
Chris should feel like he’s in the free and clear. He does
for a while, then he takes notice that he’s standing there
empty-handed and realizes he left his scanner in the cab.
34.

CHRIS
Fuck...

EXT. PACIFIC AVE, - CONTINUOUS

As the cab driver returns to where his cab waits in traffic,
CHRIS RUNS RIGHT BACK PAST HIM, and the driver starts chasing
him again.

THE CAB

Chris grabs the scanner out from the back of the cab. The
driver’s closing in on him. Chris gets the gear out and gets
going again with little distance between him and the driver
now.

Genres: Drama, Biography
Tone: Tense, Determined, Frustrated, Hopeful

Summary Chris impresses Twistle by solving a Rubik's Cube, but Twistle still doesn't give him the information he's looking for. Chris then runs away after not paying the cab fare, and realizes he left his scanner inside. He grabs his scanner while the cab driver chases him.

Strengths

Effective portrayal of determination
Symbolism through the Rubik's Cube challenge
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Lack of resolution with Twistle
Slightly predictable outcome

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or stakes, which could make it more engaging for the audience.
The dialogue between Chris and Twistle feels a bit repetitive and could benefit from more dynamic interactions.
The Rubik's Cube element is interesting but could be further developed to add depth to the scene.
The tension between Chris and Twistle could be heightened to create a more compelling conflict.
The resolution of Chris solving the Rubik's Cube feels a bit rushed and could be built up more for a more satisfying payoff.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more layers to the conversation between Chris and Twistle to make it more engaging.
Introduce higher stakes or a clearer objective for Chris to achieve in the scene.
Explore the Rubik's Cube as a metaphor for Chris's ability to solve problems or overcome challenges in his life.
Build up the tension between Chris and Twistle to create a more dramatic confrontation.
Extend the resolution of Chris solving the Rubik's Cube to make it a more impactful moment in the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. PACIFIC AVE - LATER

Chris tries to sprint while carrying the scanner.

EXT. PUBLIC SQUARE - LATER

Chris runs through a public square park. He’s starting to
drag. He comes to a rest bench. He must rest and puts his
scanner on the bench. As Chris catches his breath, he sees
the driver come into view running toward him from not too far
off.

Chris looks at the scanner; he has to leave it to get away;
it represents money he needs though, and leaving it’s
difficult. Chris looks back at the driver then he leaves
running.

Soon, the driver reaches the bench where the scanner rests.
He knows he can’t catch Chris now that Chris isn’t hauling
something. So he just gives up. He stops. He watches Chris
run off at the far side of the square.

EXT. STREET, WEST SIDE OF THE PUBLIC SQUARE - LATER

Later, the driver sits across the street from the square.
He’s doing surveillance on the abandoned scanner that still
remains in the middle of the square; he’s waiting to chase
Chris when he reclaims it.

Chris is on a pay phone across the street from the opposite
side of the square. He sees the driver; the driver doesn’t
see Chris; Chris watches the driver and scanner.

CHRIS
(to the phone)
I’m going to be home late.
35.

LINDA (O.S.)
Chris, I’m leaving.

CHRIS
Leaving where?

LINDA (O.S.)
I have my things together.

CHRIS
Leaving our place?

LINDA (O.S.)
Chris, I’m going. I’ll talk to you
later.

CHRIS
Wait...

Linda hangs up. Chris has been surprised. He’s thrown and
real unsettled. He looks over at the scanner. Then he takes
change from his pocket. He’s taken a quarter and nickel out.
He looks at them.

CLOSE ON the heads side of the nickel: the profile of THOMAS
JEFFERSON.

Chris looks at it. Then he looks up across the street.

CHRIS (V.O.)
The train was coming every four
minutes.

There’s a city train platform in the distance behind the
street the driver waits at.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I could get my scanner, get past
him somehow, and if I timed it
right, jump right on and roll off.

Chris looks forty yards across the square at his scanner.
Then Chris just jumps out and goes for it.

Across the street, the driver’s distracted and doesn’t see
Chris across the square on a straight line for his equipment.

Chris has reached the scanner and grabbed it. He’s got to run
by the driver to get the train. He sees that it’s coming
around the bend to the west.

Meanwhile, the driver’s seen Chris and stands up to stop him
from running by.
36.

Chris reaches him, jukes him, then takes off after the train.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I was thinking... I don’t know...

EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS

Chris runs for the train; the driver chases him. The train’s
at the platform stop Chris runs toward.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I was thinking about Thomas
Jefferson.

INT. STATION - LATER

Chris has reached the station and puts his change in the
turnstile machine.

CHRIS (V.O.)
...And the Declaration of
Independence.

INT. STATION STAIRS - LATER

Chris runs up the station steps to the platform.

CHRIS (V.O.)
And the passage about our right to
life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness. For real.

EXT. TRAIN PLATFORM - LATER

Chris has come up to the platform and found the train there;
he runs toward the open doors of the closest car.

CHRIS (V.O.)
And I remember thinking... how did
he know to put the pursuit part in
there. That happiness...

The doors are closing.

CHRIS (V.O.)
...maybe it’s just something you’ll
never have. No matter. How did he
know that? He was a smart person I
always admired.

Chris tries to jam in past the doors coming together. They’ve
clipped the scanner and caused Chris to drop it. It lands on
the platform broken up.
37.

Now Chris is on the other side of the train door with no way
to open it. Chris looks through the glass at the scanner. The
train starts to roll away; Chris keeps looking at the scanner
as the train takes him away from the platform.

EXT. CHRIS’S NEIGHBORHOOD, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER (EVENING)

Later, when it’s become dark, Chris walks home through his
city neighborhood.

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - LATER

Chris looks across his living room at the stacks of Acro Bone
Density Scanners he can’t sell; THE ODD FEATURE OF THIS
MOMENT IS THAT THE PLACE IS PRETTY EMPTY NOW EXCEPT FOR
CHRIS’S PRODUCT. Linda has left with some of their
belongings.

Chris turns back for the open front door. His landlord’s
standing in the doorway.

LANDLORD
Chris.

Chris heads past him.

LANDLORD (CONT’D)
I got to get the rent from you.

Chris goes by him out the apartment.

LANDLORD (CONT’D)
Hey, man...

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - CONTINUOUS

Chris has come out front. He’s looking over the lot across
the street to see if there’s some trace of Linda and
Christopher going. He doesn’t see them. He remains there for
a while; he’s facing the idea Christopher’s gone. A phone
rings from his open apartment. Chris looks that way. Then he
jogs toward his place.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Reflective, Desperate

Summary Chris flees from relentless pursuit, his scanner sacrificed in a desperate escape. Amidst the chase, a devastating phone call crumbles his spirit: his wife, Linda, is leaving him. Despite evading his pursuer, Chris witnesses the tragic fate of his scanner, broken on the train tracks. As he returns home to an empty apartment, he faces the harrowing reality of his crumbling life.

Strengths

Strong emotional impact
Compelling conflict
Realistic portrayal of struggles

Weaknesses

Dialogue could be more impactful
Some pacing issues in the chase sequence

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, as it jumps between Chris running through a public square, interacting with the driver, and reflecting on his situation with Linda.
The tension and suspense built up with Chris running to retrieve the scanner are not fully capitalized on, as the resolution feels anticlimactic.
The dialogue between Chris and Linda over the phone feels abrupt and lacks emotional depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with their relationship.
The visual descriptions could be more vivid and engaging to create a stronger sense of urgency and emotion in the scene.
The transition from Chris running to catch the train to reflecting on Thomas Jefferson and the Declaration of Independence feels disjointed and disrupts the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on a central conflict or goal for Chris in this scene to drive the narrative forward and engage the audience.
Enhance the tension and stakes of Chris retrieving the scanner by adding obstacles or challenges that he must overcome.
Develop the dialogue between Chris and Linda to reveal more about their relationship and add emotional depth to their interaction.
Consider streamlining the scene to maintain a consistent tone and narrative thread, avoiding unnecessary distractions or tangents.
Work on creating a more cohesive and impactful visual storytelling to enhance the audience's immersion in the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - LATER

As the phone rings, Chris runs in past the landlord hanging
around the doorway.

LANDLORD
I got to get the rent from you,
man.

Chris closes the door on him. The phone rings. Chris gets
over to it.
38.

CHRIS
Hello.

MAN’S VOICE
Chris?

CHRIS
Yeah.

MAN’S VOICE
Jay Twistle.

Chris is surprised. It takes him a moment to respond.

CHRIS
Hi...

MAN’S VOICE
Dean Witter.

CHRIS
Hi...

MAN’S VOICE
Do you still want to come by and
visit?

After a moment, Chris tries to make his voice come over
casually, but it’s an opportunity he’s been long chasing and
he’s shaken by it.

CHRIS
Yes.

MAN’S VOICE
Come on by. Let’s sit down with a
couple colleagues of mine. Do you
have a pen and paper?

Chris looks around in the drawers, the tabletops; he grabs a
stray piece of paper from the counter. He doesn’t have a pen.
He just stands there.

CHRIS
Yes.

MAN’S VOICE
Good. Because this is going to get
a little complicated.
39.

CHRIS
(afraid of that, very
quietly)
Fuck...

MAN’S VOICE
17901 West Devaney.

Chris concentrates hard to remember.

CHRIS
Okay.

MAN’S VOICE
Tower two. Suite eleven--

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris runs full speed through the sidewalk foot traffic.

CHRIS
(repeating to remember)
17901 West Devaney--

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris waits at an intersection corner for the crosswalk. An
ACQUAINTANCE OF CHRIS’S, hanging out nearby, comes over.

CHRIS
(to himself)
Suite eleven sixty three--

ACQUAINTANCE
Chris.

CHRIS
(rushed)
Hey.

ACQUAINTANCE
What’s up, man? Did you see that
Nuggets game?

CHRIS
No.

ACQUAINTANCE
Last night. You didn’t see that?
40.

CHRIS
No.

ACQUAINTANCE
A hundred and eighteen...
(correcting himself)
A hundred and nineteen to a hundred
twenty. Two overtimes. Moons made a
three pointer with seventeen
seconds left.

The numbers are fucking Chris up.

CHRIS
I’m running somewhere. And I can’t
talk to you about numbers and shit
right now.

The light changes. Chris takes off.

ACQUAINTANCE
(to himself)
What’s your problem with numbers?

CHRIS
(stopping in the street)
Wayne.

ACQUAINTANCE
What?

CHRIS
You owe me fourteen bucks.

ACQUAINTANCE
Yeah...

CHRIS
Do you have that?

ACQUAINTANCE
I’ll get that to you.

Chris takes off again.

ACQUAINTANCE (CONT’D)
(to himself again)
Fourteen’s a number.

INT. REGISTERS, GROCERY STORE - LATER

Chris HOLDS A SINGLE PEN and waits for his turn to pay.
41.

EXT. GROCERY STORE - LATER

Chris sits on a bench outside the grocery with his new pen;
he’s writing the address down on the paper he has. He
finishes. He looks at it. FOR THE FIRST TIME, CHRIS
DEMONSTRATES A SENSE OF SLIGHT RELIEF AND SATISFACTION. He
remains on the bench, resting for a while. Then he notices
the paper is the list Christopher’s made earlier. Chris looks
at it.

The paper bears handwriting that reads basketball...
microscope... two records...

Chris looks at the paper for a while; he’s thinking about his
son.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Desperation, Hope, Determination, Anxiety

Summary Chris, rushing home and ignoring his landlord's demands for rent, receives a life-changing call from Jay Twistle. Twistle invites him to a meeting at Dean Witter, providing an address that Chris struggles to write down amidst distractions and anxiety. An acquaintance's mention of basketball triggers memories of his son and the list he made earlier. Finally, with relief, Chris successfully writes down the address, experiencing a sense of hope and anticipation.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Realistic dialogue
Character development

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Lack of visual description

General Critique

The scene starts with a phone call from Jay Twistle, which is a pivotal moment for Chris, but the emotional impact of the call could be heightened by showing more of Chris's internal struggle and excitement.
Chris's interaction with the acquaintance on the street feels disconnected from the urgency of the situation. The dialogue about the Nuggets game and owing money detracts from the tension of the scene.
The scene could benefit from more visual cues to show Chris's increasing anxiety and determination as he tries to remember the address. This could help convey the weight of the moment and the importance of the opportunity.
The transition from the grocery store to the bench outside could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene. It feels slightly abrupt.
The revelation of the list Christopher made adds a nice touch of emotional depth, but it could be further explored to show Chris's connection to his son and his motivations.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues to show Chris's emotional journey during the phone call with Jay Twistle.
Streamline the interaction with the acquaintance on the street to maintain the focus on Chris's urgent mission.
Enhance the visual storytelling to convey Chris's increasing anxiety and determination as he tries to remember the address.
Smooth out the transition between the grocery store and the bench scene for better continuity.
Further explore the significance of the list Christopher made to deepen Chris's character and motivations.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. MS. CHU’S DAYCARE, SAN FRANCISCO - DAY

Chris is amped up and has caught up with Linda in front of
daycare. Christopher’s gone in; left alone, they take the
occasion to scream at one another.

CHRIS
You didn’t leave me a pen.

LINDA
Chris--

CHRIS
Did you know he watches nonsense in
here? He watches TV in here?

LINDA
What are you saying?

CHRIS
You set this up. I wouldn’t have
set this up. I would have looked in
this fucking place. Take off. But I
want Christopher. Give me
Christopher if you want to take
off.

A DAYCARE WORKER has come out to quiet them.

DAYCARE WORKER
There’s children in here.

She goes back in. The couple look at one another. Then they
finish with each other by whispering fiercely.

CHRIS
You set this up.
42.

LINDA
We didn’t have a choice. It’s all
we could pay for.

CHRIS
Where are you staying?

LINDA
At Cynthia’s.

CHRIS
There’s no room for Christopher
there. I’m taking him if you’re
staying there. Why are you staying
there?

LINDA
Until I can figure out where I’m
going. All right? Until I figure
out what I want to do. I want to do
something different. Just-- That’s
where I’m staying.

Linda walks off. Chris watches her go.

EXT. BUS BENCH, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris sits on a bus bench across the street from the daycare
building.

He’s looking across the street, into the center where the
class is being collected to leave for the day.

Chris stands up to go retrieve Christopher.

EXT. MS. CHU’S DAYCARE - CONTINUOUS

Christopher’s come out front with some others. Chris is
there, waiting.

CHRIS
Hey.

CHRISTOPHER
Hi..

CHRIS
Ready?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah. Where’s mom?

Chris doesn’t answer right away. They start walking off.
43.

CHRIS
She went to stay with a friend for
a little while.

CHRISTOPHER
Cynthia?

CHRIS
Yeah.

CHRISTOPHER
Why?

CHRIS
She wants to be alone for a while
to do some thinking.

CHRISTOPHER
Thinking about what?

CHRIS
Just... About how to be happy. All
right? I’m with you. You’re going
to be fine.

Christopher looks a little mixed up. They’ve come to a corner
and stopped. Chris looks down at his son.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
She just wants to do some thinking.
You’re going to be fine.

He smiles as a means to reassure Christopher. Christopher
nods.

EXT. APARTMENT MANAGEMENT OFFICE - DAY

Chris has met his apartment landlord in front of the office.
Chris holds his lease; they’re discussing it.

CHRIS
The apartment’s in good shape. You
have to keep this fifty dollar
cleanup?

LANDLORD
That’s a touchup fee. Repainting.

CHRIS
I’ll paint it.
44.

LANDLORD
That’s all right. Why are you
moving?

Chris looks at the guy for a while.

CHRIS
Linda’s moved out. We need a
smaller space.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Emotional, Confrontational

Summary Chris and Linda argue outside their son's daycare. Chris accuses Linda of setting up their son to watch nonsense on TV. Linda defends herself, saying they had no other choice. They also argue about where Linda will stay now that she has moved out.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Tension building

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel repetitive or melodramatic

General Critique

The scene is filled with tension and conflict between Chris and Linda, which is effectively portrayed through their heated argument.
The dialogue between Chris and Linda feels authentic and emotional, showcasing their frustrations and differences in perspective.
The interaction with the daycare worker adds a layer of realism and grounds the scene in a believable setting.
The scene effectively conveys the strain in Chris and Linda's relationship, as well as the challenges they are facing in their personal lives.
The emotional intensity of the scene is palpable, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and emotions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the emotional impact of the scene, such as close-up shots of the characters' expressions or body language.
Explore opportunities to show the internal thoughts and feelings of the characters through visual storytelling techniques.
Provide more context or backstory to deepen the audience's understanding of Chris and Linda's relationship and the reasons behind their current situation.
Consider incorporating moments of reflection or introspection to allow the audience to connect more deeply with the characters' emotional journey.
Experiment with different pacing and editing techniques to build tension and create a more dynamic and engaging scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - LATER

Chris paints the walls white; he’s dressed in old clothes he
doesn’t care about. It’s an unhappy scene with the scanner
stack visible in the frame. He’s got to edge past a scanner
to paint.

CHRIS
(to the scanner for some
reason)
Watch out.

He knocks the scanner aside with his foot. It didn’t go as
far as he needed.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(starting to lose it)
Watch out, asshole.

He knocks it harder, then he looks at the scanner with the
loose bearings of a guy who just called some equipment
“asshole.”

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Fuckin’... Shit. Asshole.

Then he kicks the equipment. Then he pushes his ladder down
on the scanner.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Fucker.

Then Chris really kicks its midsection hard. He’s a little
winded and stops. He looks at the damage he’s caused.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(realizing he busted it)
Shit...

After a while, he sits down beside the scanner. Chris takes a
piece that flew off and tries to put it back on.
45.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(more calmly)
Fit. Come on.

It’s not going back on.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(quietly)
Come on. I’m sorry.

Chris keeps trying to fix the equipment.

EXT. PATIO - LATER

Chris sits on the small cement patio. He’s got his face
pressed against the green mesh chain link of the rail.

CLOSE ON Chris’s face meshed in; it’s an uncomfortable-
looking position but one he’s apparently taking some comfort
from temporarily.

APARTMENT - LATER

Chris paints with a roller when THERE’S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
He goes to answer it and walks past part of the wall where
he’s painted in broad white paint

Chris,

You suck,

Chris

DOOR - CONTINUOUS

Chris opens the door. TWO SAN FRANCISCO POLICEMAN stand
outside.

POLICEMAN
Chris Gardner?

Chris looks back at the police.

INT. JAIL CELL - LATER

Three inmates sit around a station jail cell - Chris and two
others. Chris remains in his painting clothes.

INMATE
(to Chris)
What’d you do?

Chris doesn’t answer.
46.

INMATE (CONT’D)
(to Chris)
What’d you do?

The other guy starts laughing.

SECOND INMATE
(laughing)
Parking tickets.

After a moment, the first guy begins to laugh.

INMATE
(laughing, to Chris)
You got to pay that shit.

INT. CASHIER’S OFFICE, POLICE STATION - LATER

Chris writes a check for the clerk.

CHRIS
Four hundred?

CLERK
Four eighty.

It’s a heavy amount for Chris.

CLERK (CONT’D)
That’s a county tax.
(taking the check)
You have to stay until this clears.
We verify at nine-thirty A.M.

CHRIS
(worried for Christopher)
My son’s at school. I have to get
him.

CLERK
It’s nine-thirty A.M.

CHRIS
I have a job interview at 10:15. At
Dean Witter. And my son’s at--

CLERK
We verify at nine-thirty.

Though he’s concerned, Chris has to accept this.
47.

Genres: Drama, Slice of Life
Tone: Frustration, Desperation, Resignation

Summary Chris, frustrated while painting his apartment, damages a scanner and faces legal consequences. After interacting with the police and spending time in a jail cell, he pays a fine but must remain in custody until it clears. Despite concerns about his son and job interview, Chris acknowledges the setback and accepts the situation.

Strengths

Authentic portrayal of emotions
Intense character development
Effective use of conflict

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel repetitive or melodramatic

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition or connection to the previous scenes, making it feel disjointed from the rest of the script.
The escalation of Chris's frustration and anger towards the scanner feels forced and unrealistic, leading to a lack of believability in his actions.
The dialogue and actions of Chris towards the scanner come across as melodramatic and over-the-top, detracting from the emotional impact of the scene.
The visual description of Chris sitting on the patio with his face pressed against the chain link rail is unclear and doesn't add depth to the character or the scene.
The interaction with the police in the jail cell feels abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the scene, leaving the reader questioning the relevance of this subplot.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Provide a clearer transition or connection to the previous scenes to maintain continuity and coherence in the script.
Tone down the escalation of Chris's frustration towards the scanner to make his actions more realistic and relatable.
Revise the dialogue and actions of Chris to make them more subtle and nuanced, focusing on internal conflict rather than external outbursts.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and engaging image of Chris's emotions and surroundings.
Consider revising or removing the subplot with the police in the jail cell to streamline the narrative and maintain focus on the main storyline.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CORRIDOR, JAIL - LATER

Chris is on the pay phone down the end of the long jail
corridor; though he’s talking calmly, his expression shows
he’s feeling great unrest.

LINDA (O.S.)
(meaning what do you want)
What?

CHRIS
I have to... I can’t get
Christopher today.

LINDA (O.S.)
What?

CHRIS
I need you to get Christopher. Take
him with you. For the night. One
night.

LINDA (O.S.)
What are you doing?

CHRIS
(quietly)
I got stuck. In this... situation.
I’ll get him at school tomorrow.
I’ll go right there.

LINDA (O.S.)
Maybe I should take him.

CHRIS
You should take him for the night.
Like I’m asking. To help us.

LINDA (O.S.)
I want to see him...

Chris doesn’t say anything.

LINDA (O.S.)
I want to see him.

CHRIS
See him tomorrow. Then bring him
back.

There’s no response.
48.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
See him then bring him home.

LINDA
I want to take him to Golden Gate.
To the park. I’ll bring him back at
six.

Chris doesn’t say yes or no.

LINDA (O.S.)
Six. Okay?

CHRIS
Linda...

Chris weighs what Linda has in mind.

CHRIS
(meaning it better be six
and no later)
Six.

Chris is leaned way in with his head pressed into the corner
of the phone box; there’s pain on his face like someone’s
hitting his head with a hammer.

INT. CELL - NIGHT

In the middle of the night, while the few other inmates
sleep, Chris lays in his space awake.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I was wondering how I was going to
get over to Dean Witter in time.
Without a dime.

EXT. POLICE STATION, SAN FRANCISCO - DAY (MORNING)

No one’s out on the front steps of the station the next
morning. The setting looks like a still picture. Then the
doors fly open, and Chris comes running out.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris tears down the sidewalk, running past business people.

EXT. SIDEWALK/STREET, FINANCIAL DISTRICT - LATER

Chris sprints down the sidewalk toward the Dean Witter
building. He’s wearing a gray Member’s Only jacket, no shirt
under and white jeans covered in old paint.
49.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

Chris stands in front of the skyscraper lobby entrance
fighting with the busted front zipper of his jacket.

CHRIS
(struggling with the
zipper)
Fuck...

Then Chris gives up on it. He stands there for a moment,
having to accept the fact that he has to conduct an interview
this way.

INT. BUILDING ELEVATOR, MOVING - LATER

Surrounded by business people, Chris rides the elevator up in
his painter pants and his open Members Only.

INT. RECEPTION ROOM, DEAN WIITTER HEADUARTERS - LATER

Young Dean Witter applicants in suits wait together in a row
of reception room seats. Chris sits directly in the middle of
them. A RECEPTIONIST enters from the inter-office to call
Chris for his interview.

RECEPTIONIST
Mr. Gardner?

Chris rises.

CHRIS
Thank you.

Chris walks past her.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Anxious, Tense, Desperate, Resigned

Summary Chris, in jail, arranges for his wife, Linda, to pick up their son, Christopher, and take him to Golden Gate Park. Despite his urgent situation, Chris requests Linda wait until the next day. Preoccupied with securing funds for an upcoming interview, Chris spends a restless night. The following day, he rushes to the police station and Dean Witter building, struggling to fix his jacket zipper before the interview.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Tension
Character development
High stakes

Weaknesses

Limited dialogue variation
Predictable plot progression

General Critique

The scene effectively conveys Chris's desperation and sense of unrest through his interactions with Linda on the phone and his actions in the jail cell.
The dialogue between Chris and Linda feels authentic and emotionally charged, adding depth to their strained relationship.
The visual descriptions help set the tone of the scene, particularly Chris's physical and emotional state as he navigates the difficult situation.
The transition from the phone call with Linda to Chris laying awake in his cell adds to the tension and uncertainty of his circumstances.
The scene effectively sets up the urgency and obstacles Chris faces in trying to make it to his interview at Dean Witter without any money.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or voiceover from Chris to provide insight into his thoughts and emotions during the phone call and in the jail cell.
Explore ways to visually show Chris's internal struggle and determination as he plans his next steps to get to the interview.
Enhance the physical actions and reactions of Chris to further emphasize his desperation and resolve in the face of adversity.
Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in Chris's experience, such as sounds of the jail cell or the bustling city streets as he runs to Dean Witter.
Ensure a clear resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. BOARD ROOM, DEAN WITTER - LATER

A group of DEAN WITTER PARTNERS waits for Chris in the board
room. Chris and the receptionist enter.

RECEPTIONIST
(introducing him)
Chris Gardner.

The men look at Chris. Jay Twistle is part of the group.
Chris looks back at them.

CHRIS
Hi.

More or less embarrassed, the group has gone quiet.
50.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
... I’ve been sitting out there for
a half hour thinking of a story
about some series of events that
would have led me to be here like
this. Dressed like this. And also
would have demonstrated qualities
you probably value here like
diligence and earnestness and maybe
team-playing or something...

The partners look at Chris.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I couldn’t think of anything. I was
arrested for failure to pay parking
tickets. I ran here from the Polk
station. From the police station.

The partners keep looking at Chris.

FIRST PARTNER
I have a question.

Chris looks back. The guy checks out his clothes.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
What were you doing before you were
arrested?

The others laugh. Chris has smiled. There’s some good cheer
in the room now.

CHRIS
I was painting my apartment.

FIRST PARTNER
Sit down.

Chris begins to sit.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
(gesturing for Chris to
stop)
Is it dry?

CHRIS
Yes...

Chris sits down.
51.

FIRST PARTNER
(to Chris)
Jay says you’re pretty determined.

TWISTLE
He’s been waiting out front with
some forty pound gizmo for a month.

FIRST PARTNER
He said you’re smart.

Chris looks over at Twistle. The look is meant to thank Jay.
Jay returns Chris’s look to say he’s in Chris’s corner.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
Do you think you can learn
regulations and operations of the
market so as to capitalize?

CHRIS
Yes.

FIRST PARTNER
Have you already starting learning?
On your own?

CHRIS
Yes.

FIRST PARTNER
Because that’s all we do.

The partner looks Chris over.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
We generally hire M.B.A.s from good
schools. We like to be prepared in
case a client asks where an
employee went to school.

Chris listens like that’s bad news.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
But it’s been my experience that
they don’t. They ask whether
they’re profiting through our
service.
(turning to Jay)
Jay, how many times have you seen
Chris?

TWISTLE
Ten.
52.

FIRST PARTNER
Has he ever been dressed like this?

Chris awaits the answer.

TWISTLE
No. Jacket and tie.

FIRST PARTNER
(looking at his resume)
You were first in your class? In
high school?

CHRIS
Yes.

FIRST PARTNER
Out of how many?

CHRIS
Twelve.

No one reacts like it’s much of an accomplishment.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Small town.

FIRST PARTNER
I’ll say.

TWISTLE
First is first, though.

FIRST PARTNER
Yes, first is first, Jay.

CHRIS
I was first in radar class in the
navy also. Twenty guys.

TWISTLE
If Chris finishes first here, he’s
made us a lot of money.

The first partner looks at Chris for a while.

FIRST PARTNER
What would you say if I told you a
guy showed up for a interview
without a shirt. And I hired him.
What would you say to that?

Chris thinks about it.
53.

CHRIS
He must have had a pretty nice pair
of pants.

The whole room laughs. Chris has accomplished sharing some
character strengths with this group.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Embarrassed, Serious, Humorous

Summary In a boardroom at Dean Witter, Chris Gardner's determination, honesty, and wit impress the partners, despite his unconventional appearance and lack of an MBA degree. Jay Twistle vouches for his persistence and intelligence, and Chris demonstrates his understanding of the market and willingness to learn. The partners recognize Chris's ability to connect with them, as seen in his clever response to a hypothetical question, leading them to consider hiring him despite his unconventional background.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Character development
Humor

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Predictable outcome

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the circumstances Chris is in, such as being arrested for unpaid parking tickets and rushing to the interview from the police station.
The dialogue feels a bit too casual and lacks the gravity of the situation Chris is facing, which could be improved to reflect the high stakes of the moment.
There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Chris's internal thoughts and emotions as he navigates the interview, which could add depth to his character and the scene.
The partners' reactions to Chris's unconventional background and attire could be more nuanced to show a range of responses, from skepticism to admiration.
The humor injected into the scene could be balanced with moments of vulnerability or raw emotion to create a more dynamic and engaging interaction.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or reflections from Chris to convey his inner turmoil and determination more effectively.
Enhance the dialogue to reflect the tension and importance of the interview, with more weight given to Chris's responses and the partners' reactions.
Introduce moments of vulnerability or authenticity in Chris's interactions with the partners to create a more multi-dimensional portrayal of his character.
Explore the power dynamics and subtle cues in the room to highlight the contrast between Chris's unconventional background and the traditional expectations of the partners.
Balance the humor with moments of sincerity and emotional depth to create a more impactful and memorable scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING, SKYSCRAPER LOBBY - LATER

Twistle has walked Chris out; they finish a conversation out
front of the skyscraper.

CHRIS
Thank you, Mr. Twistle.

TWISTLE
You can call me Jay.

CHRIS
(nodding)
I’ll let you know, Jay.

TWISTLE
(totally surprised by
that)
What?

CHRIS
(not following)
What?

TWISTLE
You’ll let me know, Jay?

CHRIS
Yes.

TWISTLE
You hounded-- You stood here--

CHRIS
There’s no salary. My circumstances
changed some. I need to figure out
if I can make it.

TWISTLE
A couple hours. No shit. I’ll fill
your spot. I promise. You know what
I’ll look like... if you back out,
you know what I’ll look like to the
partners?
54.

CHRIS
Yes.

TWISTLE
What?

CHRIS
An ass--
(thinking better of it)
--a-hole.

TWISTLE
Yes. An ass a-hole. All the way.

Amused, Twistle has smiled. Chris has smiled too from the
simple enjoyment of his company; all in all it’s a moment of
relief for Chris amid all his long stretches of unhappiness.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris runs back home from the building.

CHRIS (V.O.)
There was no salary. And not even a
reasonable promise of a job. One
intern was hired at the end of the
program. From a pool of twenty.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris keeps running.

CHRIS (V.O.)
If you weren’t that guy, you
couldn’t apply the six months
training to another broker. I’d
have to quit formally working for
Acro as well. I’d have to give up
benefits.

EXT. GUN & PAWN, STORE, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris removes his watch, slowing from his run and approaching
the pawn shop.

CHRIS (V.O.)
The only resource I would have for
six months would be my scanners,
which I owned on lease and could
still sell. I had fifteen left. If
I sold them all, I might get by.
55.

EXT. TRAIN PLATFORM, CITY - LATER

Chris waits among other at the central San Francisco train
platform.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I had two hours to decide.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

Chris rides by the window. He’s looking out at the landscape
of the city. It’s fall. The afternoon light’s fading out.
Chris has gone quiet like he was at the film’s beginning,
riding the train and considering the matters of his life.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I remember wondering... Am I a good
bet? Or not. Because all this was
was a bet I could shine.

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - LATER

Chris is alone in the apartment, standing under his broad You
Suck message. With a brush, he begins to cover it with paint.
Once it’s painted over, Chris shows a degree of relief. Then
he checks his kitchen clock.

The clock reads five minutes to six.

EXT. STAIRWELL, MOTEL - LATER

Chris sits alone outside on the stairwell steps waiting for
Christopher.

INT. CHRIS’S APARTMENT - LATER

It’s almost dark. Chris looks out the window of his room to
the stairwell where Linda should come up. She’s not there.
Chris checks his watch. He’s worried. Soon, Linda comes up
the stairs. She’s carrying Christopher because he’s asleep.
Chris lets some apprehension go.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tension, Resignation, Hope

Summary After meeting with Twistle, Chris contemplates the job offer. He realizes the financial limitations and considers if he is a suitable candidate. Despite Twistle's doubts, Chris remains determined. To prepare, he removes the disheartening message from his apartment. Chris awaits Linda and Christopher, finding relief in their presence.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Tension building

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more concise

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, leaving the audience hanging without a satisfying conclusion.
The dialogue between Chris and Twistle feels a bit forced and unnatural, lacking depth and emotional resonance.
There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Chris's internal struggles and decision-making process regarding the job offer.
The transition between the conversation outside the skyscraper and Chris running back home feels abrupt and disjointed.
The scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a more definitive resolution or decision-making moment for Chris regarding the job offer to provide closure for the scene.
Work on refining the dialogue between Chris and Twistle to make it more authentic and emotionally impactful.
Explore Chris's internal conflict and thought process more deeply to give the audience insight into his decision-making.
Smooth out the transition between the conversation outside the skyscraper and Chris running back home to create a more cohesive flow.
Incorporate more visual cues or actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. LIVING ROOM, MOTEL ROOM - LATER

Linda has put Christopher down on the couch under the message
Chris painted over; he’s still asleep. They face one another
from five feet away.

LINDA
(meaning where’s he been)
What were you doing?
56.

CHRIS
I had to, I had to manage all this
stuff. I had an interview at Dean
Witter. I had to get there. For an
intern program. A competitive
program. I got it.

Linda has been listening.

LINDA
I’m going back to Los Angeles.

CHRIS
All right...

They keep facing one another.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I want Christopher. Here.

Linda looks at Chris for a while; sizing him up.

LINDA
Salesman to intern’s backwards.
You’re fucking around.

CHRIS
(with some anger, trying
to stay quiet.)
I’m not.

LINDA
What are you going to do for money?

CHRIS
I’m going to sell those things I
leased. And I’m going to stand out.
In my program.

LINDA
You’re doing that?

Chris doesn’t answer her. Linda stands there for a while. The
vibe of Linda is she’s lost, disappointed with her lot and
uncertain over the important concerns of her life; she’s
considering all of what Chris said to her. Chris waits for
the answer.

LINDA (CONT’D)
I know you’ll take care of him.

Then Chris watches Linda walk past him until she reaches the
partly opened door and goes out.
57.

Chris remains alone. After a while, he turns and looks at
Christopher.

The boy’s sleeping on the sofa under the message Chris
covered up.

Chris looks at his son. IT’S A MOMENT DURING WHICH CHRIS
TAKES THE MEASURE OF THE RISKS THE PROGRAM RUNS FOR THEM
AGAINST HOW HIS AND CHRISTOPHER’S LIVES CAN BE IMPROVED BY
IT. Chris watches his son sleep. Then Chris steps over to the
kitchen phone. In time there, he’s placed a call and keeps
his voice pretty low so he doesn’t wake his son.

TWISTLE (O.S.)
Hello?

CHRIS
Hello. It’s Chris Gardner.

TWISTLE (O.S.)
Hi, Chris.

CHRIS
I called to thank you again for
inviting me in.

TWISTLE
I responded to your determination,
Chris.

CHRIS
I appreciate it. Jay?

TWISTLE
Yeah.

Time passes.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I’d be real pleased to be in the
program.

TWISTLE
That’s good, Chris.

CLOSE ON CHRIS on the phone; he’s expression shows some
uncertainty over what their future holds.

EXT. APARTMENT PARKING LOT - DAY

On another day, Chris and his acquaintance Wayne load Chris’s
scanners from Chris’s old apartment into Wayne’s car.
58.

CHRIS
(urging Wayne to slow
down)
Careful.

WAYNE
What?

CHRIS
Be careful.

Chris loads one in. Then he and Wayne enter the car.
Christopher’s in the back seat. The car pulls out, then heads
directly across the street to a motel lot.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY

Christopher eats cereal at the small kitchen dining table.
They’re in a residence motel room now with fewer furnishings.
Chris enters the room.

CHRIS
(with a great deal of
fatherly enthusiasm)
Hey, it’s Saturday!

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah!

CHRIS
(same enthusiasm)
Let’s go play some basketball!

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah.

CHRIS
Then go sell a bone density
scanner!

Chris leaves. Christopher remains at the table, puzzling over
the last part.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Tense, Reflective, Resigned

Summary Linda brings Christopher to Chris at their motel room. Chris reveals his internship and plans to sell his leased items. Despite Linda's disappointment, she trusts Chris with Christopher's care. Chris confirms his internship and moves his belongings with Wayne, while Christopher remains unaware of their challenges. The scene ends with Christopher eating cereal as Chris leaves to play basketball, highlighting their uncertain future and Chris's determination.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Tension building

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene effectively conveys the strained relationship between Chris and Linda, highlighting their differing perspectives and priorities.
The dialogue between Chris and Linda feels authentic and reveals their inner thoughts and emotions.
There is a good balance of tension and resolution in the scene, with Linda ultimately acknowledging Chris's commitment to their son.
The scene effectively portrays Chris's determination to succeed and provide for his family despite the challenges he faces.
The interaction between Chris and Christopher showcases their bond and Chris's role as a caring father.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more visual cues or actions to enhance the emotional depth of the scene, such as body language or facial expressions.
Explore the internal struggles of both Chris and Linda more deeply to provide a richer understanding of their characters.
Provide more insight into Linda's perspective and motivations to create a more well-rounded portrayal of her character.
Consider incorporating more subtext or subtle nuances in the dialogue to add layers to the interaction between Chris and Linda.
Experiment with different pacing or structure to build tension and suspense throughout the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. PLAYGROUND, SAN FRANCISCO - EVENING

Chris has taken Christopher to a park basketball court in the
middle of the city. Christopher takes a shot, misses and hits
a scanner that rests near the court.

CHRIS
(quietly)
Shit...
59.

Chris gets the ball.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Try not to hit that. Okay?

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

Chris dribbles the ball, smiling.

CHRISTOPHER (CONT’D)
I’m going pro.

CHRIS
(watching Christopher for
a stretch)
Yeah, I don’t know.

Chris isn’t smiling now.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(kindly)
Come here. Listen.

Christopher walks over. Chris looks at him.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(kindly))
You’ll probably be about as good as
I was. That’s the way it works. And
I was below average, so you’ll
probably ultimately rank somewhere
around there. Around average.

Christopher listens; his eyes are a little wider now with the
new set of facts.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
You’ll excel at a number of things.
Not this, though. So I don’t want
you out here day and night,
bouncing this ball. Okay?

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

A couple moments pass.

CHRISTOPHER (CONT’D)
Why did we move to a motel?

CHRIS
Because I’m getting a better job.
60.

Christopher makes a curious expression; he’s a smart child
and doesn’t add that up. Chris looks down at him.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
You have to trust me.

CHRISTOPHER
I trust you.

CHRIS
(looking at his watch)
It’s time to go.

They head off the court. Christopher’s trailing.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Come on. Keep up.

CHRISTOPHER
When’s Mom coming back?

CHRIS
I don’t know...

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Early Saturday, Chris and his son are the only ones in the
train car. They ride through the city with the scanner
between them.

EXT. OAKLAND - LATER

Chris and his son walk through an Oakland business district.
The streets are pretty quiet still; Chris carries his
scanner.

EXT. CHECK CASH STORE, OAKLAND - LATER

Chris has sold the scanner. He cashes a check at the counter
while Christopher waits beside him. Christopher’s checking
out some Clark candy bars for sale on the counter. He doesn’t
say anything though. Chris sees him.

CHRIS
(to Christopher)
Do you want one?

Christopher nods. Chris faces the clerk again and points to
the candy bars.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
One of these, please.
61.

EXT. MRS. CHUS DAYCARE - DAY

Morning, Chris wears a new suit and parts company with
Christopher outside daycare right under the word Happyness.

CHRIS
I’ll see you after school.

CHRISTOPHER
You’re going to get me?

CHRIS
Yeah. I’m going to get you.

Christopher heads inside. Chris stands under the word
Happyness, looking at him go.

INT. CITY BUS, MOVING - LATER (MORNING)

Chris is dressed in the new suit; he rides the bus along the
bay as the sun rises.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING/STREET FINANCIAL DISTRICT - LATER

Office Manager ALAN FRAKESH, 38, leads the entire group of
twenty Dean Witter interns, including Chris, from the Dean
Witter building toward some destination across the street;
each is clean-cut and fresh-looking. The group reaches a busy
corner where three streets intersect. Frakesh gestures to a
number of skyscrapers visible around them.

FRAKESH
Mehvney Industrial and Sanco Oil
have the twelve hundred building.
Lee-Ray shipping is across the
street.

Chris listens; he’s glancing at the size of the skyscrapers.

FRAKESH (CONT’D)
In a couple weeks you’ll get cold
call sheets with the phone numbers
of employees from the Fortunes 500s
in the financial district. If you
canvas the district you can pool
from sixty Fortune companies.
Coffees and working lunches can be
fun occasions to familiarize
possible clients with our packages.
We need you to bring them in. Match
their needs and goals to a package.
And sign them up.
62.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, DEAN WITTER - LATER

Chris and the other interns sit around a conference table.
Frakesh distributes pretty thick textbooks.

FRAKESH
The board examination isn't just a
simple pass fail. It’s an
evaluatory tool we use to separate
applicants.

Frakesh checks his watch.

FRAKESH (CONT’D)
Okay. Five minute break. Back at
two.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Reflective, Hopeful, Serious

Summary Chris and his son Christopher spend time together, navigating the realities of life. Christopher's passion for basketball is met with Chris's encouragement to excel beyond sports, fostering a bittersweet connection amidst financial struggles and unspoken truths.

Strengths

Authentic character interactions
Emotional depth
Father-son relationship portrayal

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited action

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, making it feel disjointed and lacking in tension.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher feels forced and unnatural, especially when Chris tells Christopher he will likely be average at basketball.
The transition between different locations and actions is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly, making the scene feel choppy.
There is a lack of emotional depth in the interaction between Chris and Christopher, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and sensory details to create a vivid and engaging setting.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the central conflict or goal of the scene to give it more direction and purpose.
Work on making the dialogue between Chris and Christopher more authentic and reflective of their relationship.
Smooth out the transitions between locations and actions to create a more cohesive and engaging scene.
Add emotional depth to the interaction between Chris and Christopher to make their relationship more compelling.
Enhance the visual descriptions and sensory details to create a more immersive and vivid setting for the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

Chris is on break, waiting to cross the broad intersection
out front of the skyscraper. The FIRST PARTNER from Chris’s
early interview has come out as well and stands beside Chris,
hailing a cab.

FIRST PARTNER
Hi...

CHRIS
Hi.

The guy can’t recall Chris’s name.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Chris.

FIRST PARTNER
How are you doing?

CHRIS
I’m good. Thanks.

FIRST PARTNER
How’s first day?

CHRIS
Good. Exciting.

FIRST PARTNER
(kidding, looking around
and meaning why’s Chris
outside)
You’re not quitting are you?
63.

CHRIS
No. Five minute break.
(nodding across the
street)
I’m grabbing a candy bar. We’re
doing board prep.

FIRST PARTNER
(like board prep’s hard)
Man. I remember mine...

While the first partner reminisces, Chris sees something.

CHRIS’S POV

The Filipino sits across the street on a bus bench; he’s got
Chris’s scanner on his lap.

From across the street, Chris looks at him.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
... it was an hour exam. Not three
like yours...

CHRIS (V.O.)
If I sold every scanner I had, I
might still come up short by the
end of the program.

FIRST PARTNER
...and we had no world markets on
it...

CHRIS (V.O.)
So I was watching a guy with my
rent on his lap waiting for a bus
to somewhere else.

Chris is focused on the Filipino. He sees the bus coming for
him a block south.

FIRST PARTNER
We didn’t cover taxes either. It
was still a pain in the ass...

CHRIS (V.O.)
I couldn’t run right off while he
was talking, because I’d look like
a freak.

Chris sees the bus pulling up.
64.

CHRIS (V.O.)
But the bus was coming.

CHRIS
(to the first partner)
Well, I’m down to two minutes. On
my break.

FIRST PARTNER
Yeah, Frakesh is a prick about it,
too, I bet.

CHRIS
It’s my first day, so...

FIRST PARTNER
Okay, get going.

Chris begins to cross the street. He’s got to walk, although
the bus has arrived. After a moment, it clears; the bus bench
is empty. The guy has gotten on.

Chris has to walk until he turns a corner where the bus has
gone. He finally does; he’s out of sight of the first partner
and starts to run.

INT. CITY BUS, MOVING - SAME

The Filipino sits near the window. He has the scanner. At
that moment, Chris catches up to the bus and comes into view,
running up alongside the guy’s window. IT’S AT THIS POINT
THAT CHRIS GETS HIT BY A CAR.

FILIPINO GUY
Whoa....

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Anxious, Suspenseful

Summary On his first day of work, Chris spots a man with his stolen scanner across the street. He tries to get the man's attention, but the man gets on a bus and drives away. Chris runs after the bus but is hit by a car.

Strengths

Intense pacing
High stakes
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition or connection to the previous scenes, making it feel disjointed from the rest of the script.
The dialogue between Chris and the first partner feels forced and lacks depth, making it less engaging for the audience.
The internal monologue from Chris about selling the scanners and coming up short by the end of the program feels out of place and disrupts the flow of the scene.
The sudden shift in focus from a casual conversation to Chris spotting the Filipino with his scanner is abrupt and could be better integrated into the scene.
The scene lacks a clear resolution or conclusion, leaving the audience hanging without a sense of closure.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition or connection to the previous scenes to maintain continuity in the script.
Enhance the dialogue between Chris and the first partner to make it more engaging and meaningful, possibly revealing more about Chris's character or motivations.
Integrate Chris's internal monologue more seamlessly into the scene or find a more organic way to convey his thoughts and concerns.
Gradually build up to Chris spotting the Filipino with his scanner to create a more suspenseful and cohesive narrative.
Provide a clearer resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to keep the audience intrigued and eager to see what happens next.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. STREET - SAME

Chris lays on the pavement in the middle of the city street.
His eyes are open, but he seems stunned. Cars come right at
him.

SPANISH GUY
Hey, asshole.

A SPANISH GUY hauls Chris up to a knee then quickly over the
few feet to the sidewalk as a car swerves by.

SPANISH GUY (CONT’D)
Are you all right, man? Fuck.
65.

CHRIS
(standing now, coming
around further)
Yeah...

SPANISH GUY
What are you doing? I could have
killed you.

The guy’s car is pulled over behind them; he’s the driver who
struck Chris.

SPANISH GUY (CONT’D)
Are you okay?

CHRIS
Yeah.

SPANISH GUY
What are you doing?

CHRIS
I was trying to catch the bus.

SPANISH GUY
You’re all right?

CHRIS
Yeah.

They stand around there for a while.

SPANISH GUY
Gross, man. Your thumb. Man, gross.

CHRIS
(not following the guy)
What?

SPANISH GUY
You got a fucked up thumb.

Chris’s thumb stiffly points opposite the way it ought to.

SPANISH GUY (CONT’D)
Man, your thumb’s fucked up.

CHRIS
(noticing it)
Yeah...

After a moment, Chris starts to walk away.
66.

SPANISH GUY
Hey.

CHRIS
What?

SPANISH GUY
Where are you going?

CHRIS
Work.

SPANISH GUY
We should wait for the cops.

CHRIS
I’m on a five minute break. I have
like a minute left.

SPANISH GUY
You got hit by a car. Go to the
hospital.

CHRIS
I can’t. I’m in a competitive
internship at Dean Witter.

Chris waves then begins to run back the way he came.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, DEAN WITTER - LATER

Chris hustles back into the conference room. The other
interns are all seated and working from their textbooks.
Chris takes his seat; he picks up his pencil to write, even
though that thumb’s pointing in a different direction than
everyone else’s.

CHRIS (V.O.)
This part of my life is called...

CHRIS
(privately, flexing his
hand)
Ow... fuck...

CHRIS (V.O.)
...intern. Show up early.

INT. MAIN OFFICE, DEAN WITTER - MORNING

Early, The wide office space of open desks is empty except
for Chris and his twenty intern competitors, reading early
market charts on computers.
67.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Run with coffee...

EXT. WESTERN AVE, FINANCIAL DISTRICT - DAY

On another day, Chris is dressed for work and runs awkwardly
up a financial district sidewalk with a carry carton full of
coffees; he spills on his wrist.

CHRIS
Fuck...

CHRIS (V.O.)
Favors for Frakesh. Our office
manager. All day.

INT. CUBICLE ROW, DEAN WITTER - DAY

Chris sits at the end of a cubicle row of interns making cold
calls from a employee sheet marked Pacific Transportation.
He’s got Marshall Slauson: Billing circled in red.

CHRIS
(with a pretty fast
rhythm)
Our office is a block from Pacific.
I’d be glad to come over and share
our information with you. Even the
eight hundred dollars from your
profit sharing, if that’s all you
moved into the market yearly--
(listening)
Sure...
(listening)
You have my number.
(listening)
Call me with any questions, Mr.
Slauson. Anytime.

Alan Frakesh walks up to Chris’s desk.

ALAN
Who wants to get me a doughnut?

He’s looking at Chris. So Chris has to get up.

EXT. WESTERN AVENUE, FINANCIAL DISTRICT - LATER

Chris runs up the same coffee-spilling sidewalk, holding a
doughnut.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Stay late.
68.

INT. CUBICLE ROW, DEAN WITTER - LATER

Chris is on the cold call phone again. There’s all kind of
cold call chatter from the interns around him.

CHRIS
Even the four hundred dollars from
your pension can accrue to three
times--
(listening)
Accrue means adds up. Quickly. Into
more money.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Stressful, Frantic, Determined

Summary Chris, an intern, gets hit by a car while trying to catch a bus. Despite his injury, he refuses medical attention and rushes back to work, determined to prioritize his internship over his well-being.

Strengths

Portrayal of determination
High stakes
Engaging conflict

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth in dialogue
Some unrealistic elements

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition or connection to the previous scenes, making it feel disjointed from the rest of the script.
The dialogue between Chris and the Spanish guy feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, failing to evoke a strong reaction or engagement from the audience.
The visual descriptions are minimal and do not effectively set the scene or create a vivid picture for the audience.
The internal conflict of Chris trying to balance his internship at Dean Witter with his injury from being hit by a car is not fully explored or developed.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the scene to provide a clearer connection to the previous events in the script, ensuring a smooth flow of the narrative.
Work on developing more authentic and engaging dialogue between Chris and the Spanish guy to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
Add more depth and emotional resonance to the scene by exploring Chris's internal struggle and the impact of his injury on his internship.
Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and vivid setting for the audience, helping to bring the scene to life.
Consider expanding on the internal conflict of Chris to add complexity and depth to his character, making the scene more compelling and impactful.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

At day’s end, the intersection before the skyscraper is
mostly quiet; CHRIS, THOUGH, HAS LEFT THE SKYSCRAPER AND
SPRINTS ACROSS IT.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Then catch an A train by six.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

Chris rides the train.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Then the crosstown.

INT. CITY BUS, MOVING - LATER

Chris rides east through San Francisco.

CHRIS (V.O.)
To the blue line.

INT. CITY TRAIN - MOVING

Chris is on another el.

CHRIS (V.O.
The twenty-two

INT. CITY BUS, MOVING

Chris rides another bus.

CHRIS (V.O.)
To the place they can’t spell
Happiness.
69.

EXT. MRS. CHU’S DAYCARE - LATER

Christopher waits outside the facility with Mrs. Chu under
their mural. He’s the last kid. Chris runs up for him.

INT. MOTEL ROOM. KITCHENETTE - LATER (NIGHT)

Chris studies his textbook in their small kitchenette.
Christopher’s down for the night on a cot in the living room
beside him. Chris is writing. His thumb’s still hurting.

CHRIS
(from pain in his hand)
Ah...

CHRISTOPHER
(meaning what’s wrong)
What?

CHRIS
My thumb.

CHRISTOPHER
What happened?

CHRIS
I got hit by a car.

CHRISTOPHER
Where?

CHRIS
On Pacific?

CHRISTOPHER
Where on your body?

CHRIS
The back of my legs. I don’t
remember really.

CHRISTOPHER
How’d you hurt your thumb then?

CHRIS
I landed on it.
(kindly)
Go to sleep.

CHRISTOPHER
Were you on the street?
70.

CHRIS
I was running on the street. Yeah.

CHRISTOPHER
Don’t do that. You can get hurt.

CHRIS
(smiling)
Okay... Go to sleep.

Chris finishes a page of his textbook. Then he closes it.
Then he opens his checkbook to pay bills he’s got there. He
looks at the amount he’s got: $138.00. Chris stares at the
number for a while. He’s concerned of course.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Then eight hours later... reverse.

*The film speeds up and takes Chris and Christopher on a
quick-motion glimpse through their many transfers through the
city back to daycare and work.

EXT. DEAN WITTER SKYSCRAPER - LATER

Chris runs up to the skyscraper for work again.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Anxious, Reflective, Concerned

Summary Chris navigates public transportation to pick up his son, Christopher, from daycare. Upon returning home, he studies while Christopher sleeps, but is disturbed by the realization that he has only $138 in his checking account, sparking financial worries. The scene concludes with Chris commuting back to work at the Dean Witter skyscraper.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Resilience of the protagonist
Realistic portrayal of challenges

Weaknesses

Slightly predictable plot progression
Limited dialogue variation

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, as it mainly consists of Chris traveling through the city without much development or conflict.
There is a disconnect between the urgency implied by Chris sprinting across the intersection and the mundane nature of his subsequent train and bus rides.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher feels forced and lacks depth, failing to establish a meaningful connection between the characters.
The scene does not effectively convey the emotional or physical impact of Chris being hit by a car, as it is quickly brushed over in a casual conversation.
The repetitive nature of Chris's commute through the city becomes monotonous and does not add significant value to the overall story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Introduce a clear objective or conflict for Chris to overcome during his commute, adding tension and purpose to the scene.
Enhance the dialogue between Chris and Christopher to deepen their relationship and provide insight into their characters.
Focus on the aftermath of Chris being hit by a car to highlight the consequences of his actions and the impact on his physical well-being.
Consider streamlining the sequence of Chris's commute to maintain momentum and avoid repetitive storytelling.
Explore ways to visually and thematically connect Chris's journey through the city to his internal struggles and external challenges.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. DEAN WITTER OFFICES - DAY

The camera tracks along the cubicle row where each intern
sits making calls.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Whoever brought in the most money
after five months was usually
hired.

They work frantically.

CHRIS (V.O.)
They were all working their way up
call sheets to sign clients.

An intern scratches a name he called from the bottom of a
sheet titled State Farm.

Chris sits in the last cubicle.

CHRIS (V.O.)
They’d stay till eight, but I had
Chris. I didn’t have the same time
to work my way up a sheet.

Chris looks at his sheet.
71.

CHRIS’S POV

The sheet is titled Bell Western. THE CAMERA PANS UP THE
SHEET FROM LOW LEVEL ADMINISTRATOR TITLES AND NAMES UP TO THE
TOP:

Walter Ribbon: Pension Fund Manager.

Chris looks at the name Ribbon and decides to dial it. He
awaits an answer.

SECRETARY (O.S.)
Walter Ribbon’s office.

CHRIS
Chris Gardner for Walter Ribbon.

SECRETARY (O.S.)
Concerning?

CHRIS
I’m calling from Dean Witter.

SECRETARY (O.S.)
Just a moment.

Chris, surprised he’s getting through, waits by the phone.

WALTER RIBBON (O.S.)
Hello.

CHRIS
Hello, Mr. Ribbon. This is Chris
Gardner. I’m calling from Dean
Witter.

WALTER RIBBON (O.S.)
Yeah, Chris.

CHRIS
Mr. Ribbon. I wondered if you’d
give me a few moments to discuss
our products and how I might--

WALTER RIBBON (O.S.)
Can you be here in a half-hour?

CHRIS
Yes.
72.

WALTER RIBBON
I just had someone cancel. Come
now. I can give you a few minutes
before the Giants game.

Chris is already taking off.

INT. LOBBY, DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

CHRIS SPRINTS THROUGH THE BUSY LOBBY.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING - CONTINUOUS

Office manager Alan Frakesh is on his way in with a cup of
coffee. He encounters Chris as Chris hustles out.

ALAN
What’s up?

CHRIS
Hey, Alan.

ALAN
Hey, man. Do you have five minutes?

CHRIS
Man, I guess. I’m meeting Walter
Ribbon at Bell Western at three.

ALAN
Because I have no minutes. I’m
supposed to present commodities to
Bromer. Could you move my car? That
would really help me out.

CHRIS
Where is it?

ALAN
Lowery.
(pointing)
Half block. Lemon Tercel.

CHRIS
Where am I moving it?

ALAN
(like it’s real easy)
Other side of Lowery. They’re
streetsweeping. There’s spaces.
73.

CHRIS
(reluctantly)
All right...

Alan has handed Chris keys.

ALAN
Hold on to these. I have backups in
my desk.

Chris begins to go.

ALAN (CONT’D)
And you have to jimmy that.

CHRIS
Jimmy what?

ALAN
You have to jimmy the key. And the
other doors don’t unlock.

Alan makes a “jimmying” gesture to indicate what Chris needs
to do.

ALAN (CONT’D)
You have to jimmy it. Lemon Tercel.

Privately, Chris is a little more pissed.

EXT. LOWERY AVENUE, FINANCIAL DISTRICT - LATER

Chris has approached a parked lemon Tercel. He puts the key
in the driver’s door. He begins to “jimmy” it. It doesn’t
open.

Chris messes around with it a little more. It still won’t
open. He looks at his watch.

INT. WALTER RIBBON’S OFFICE, BELL WESTERN BUILDING - SAME

Fund manager WALTER RIBBON sits behind his desk, meeting with
a couple younger associates; THERE’S A PROMINENT OFFICE CLOCK
behind him reading 2:42.

EXT. LOWERY AVENUE - SAME

Back on Lowery, Chris continues to jimmy the key in the lock.

CHRIS
(frustrated, to himself)
I’m jimmying it. Come on. This is
jimmying it.
74.

INT. WALTER RIBBON’S OFFICE - SAME

The associates have cleared out of Ribbon’s office. Walter
does paper work at his desk. THE CLOCK BEHIND HIM READS 2:48.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Frantic, Determined, Frustrated

Summary Amidst the hustle and bustle of the Dean Witter offices, Chris Gardner diligently dials potential clients. When pension fund manager Walter Ribbon agrees to a meeting, Chris is tasked with moving Alan Frakesh's car. As he attempts to unlock the vehicle, panic sets in when he realizes the meeting time is rapidly approaching.

Strengths

Tension-building
Character development
Realistic portrayal of challenges

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Slightly predictable outcome

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension despite the time-sensitive nature of Chris needing to meet with Walter Ribbon in a half-hour.
The dialogue between Chris and the secretary, as well as Chris and Walter Ribbon, feels a bit flat and could benefit from more dynamic and engaging exchanges.
The transition from Chris sprinting through the lobby to being tasked with moving Alan's car feels disjointed and disrupts the flow of the scene.
The 'jimmying' of the car door lock is not clearly depicted and may be confusing for the audience.
The back-and-forth between Chris attempting to unlock the car and Walter Ribbon's meeting lacks a cohesive narrative thread.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more visual cues to convey the urgency of Chris needing to meet with Walter Ribbon in a half-hour, such as a countdown clock or shots of Chris checking his watch.
Revise the dialogue to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on Chris's efforts to move Alan's car and get to his meeting with Walter Ribbon, without unnecessary distractions.
Clarify the 'jimmying' of the car door lock to ensure the audience understands what Chris is attempting to do.
Create a more seamless transition between Chris's attempts to unlock the car and his meeting with Walter Ribbon to maintain narrative coherence.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. ALAN’S TERCEL, MOVING - LATER

Chris has finally gained entry and drives around north San
Francisco, trying to find parking.

INT. WALTER RIBBON’S OFFICE - LATER

Walter Ribbon sits at his desk. The large wall clock that
looms behind him reads 2:55. RIBBON WEARS A SAN FRANCISCO
GIANTS BASEBALL CAP now.

EXT. SIERRA BOULEVARD - LATER

Chris has pulled the Tercel into a metered parking space.
He’s left the driver’s side. But after he’s shut the door, he
realizes he’s left his work materials inside. He puts the key
in. The door won’t unlock, so Chris begins to “jimmy” it
again.

CHRIS
Shit...

INT. WALTER RIBBON’S OFFICE - SAME

The prominent clocks reads 3:01. Ribbon wears the ball cap
but also takes a mitt from his drawer.

EXT. STREET, FINANCIAL DISTRICT - SAME

Chris stands at the meter beside the parked Tercel. He’s got
his work case with him and has been looking through his
pockets for change. He doesn’t have any quarters. Chris looks
at his watch. Then he looks back at the meter. Then he just
takes off.

EXT. SIERRA BOULEVARD, FINANCIAL DISTRICT - LATER

Chris runs with his workbag up the Sierra Boulevard sidewalk.

EXT. SIERRA BOULEVARD - LATER

Chris stands on the sidewalk, looking around for an address
he can’t find. A BUSINESSMAN WALKS BY.

CHRIS
Where’s 223 east, man? It should be
right here.
75.

BUSINESSMAN
This is 200 west. You have to cross
Cortez.

CHRIS
(quietly)
Fuck...

BUSINESSMAN
You have to go east four blocks.

EXT. CORTEZ STREET, FINANCIAL DISTRICT - LATER

Once again, Chris is running through San Francisco.

INT. LOBBY, WALTER RIBBON’S OFFICE BUILDING - LATER

Chris has jogged into the skyscraper lobby. He caught an
elevator just as the doors close; the elevator is ABSOLUTELY
PACKED THOUGH, so much so that it’s absurd for Chris to try
to enter, which out of desperation he does anyway. A
maintenance worker up front pushes him out.

MAINTENANCE WORKER
Get the fuck out of here, man.

Chris steps back and lets the elevator go up without him. He
hits the button. Soon, another elevator opens. Chris jumps
in.

INT. ELEVATOR - LATER

Chris is alone in the elevator going up; there’s easy
listening coming through the elevator speaker that cuts
across Chris’s frantic mood, so it’s a peculiar few moments.

INT. WALTER RIBBONS OFFICE - SAME

Walter Ribbon is no longer there. There is just an empty,
high-backed chair behind his desk with the large clock
reading 3:17 hanging on the wall behind it.

INT. RECEPTION DESK, LOBBY, WALTER RIBBON’S OFFICE - LATER

As the receptionist finishes a call, Chris approaches her. He
arrives at the desk. They look at each other. Chris smiles
and tries to come across bright-eyed.

CHRIS
Hi, I’m Chris Gardner.
76.

INT. ELEVATOR, WALTER RIBBON’S OFFICE BUILDING - LATER

Chris stands among a crowd of office-workers in an elevator
that’s going down. His expression is the opposite of the one
he was just making; it’s clear he didn’t see Walter Ribbon.

EXT. SIERRA BOULEVARD - LATER

Dispirited, Chris returns to the parked Tercel and FINDS A
PARKING TICKET ON THE WINDSHIELD.

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Frantic, Desperate, Dispirited

Summary Chris Gardner arrives late and struggles to find Walter Ribbon's office. Despite asking for directions, he ends up on the wrong street and receives a parking ticket for not having enough money for the meter.

Strengths

Tension-building
Character development
Pacing

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue
Predictable outcome

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering Chris is running late for a crucial meeting with Walter Ribbon.
There is a lack of focus on Chris's emotions and internal struggle as he faces obstacles in trying to make it to the meeting on time.
The scene could benefit from more visual cues to convey Chris's frantic state and the pressure he is under.
The dialogue could be more impactful and reflective of Chris's desperation and determination to make it to the meeting.
The transition between different locations and actions could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more visual cues such as fast-paced editing, close-up shots of Chris's expressions, and background music to heighten the tension.
Focus on Chris's internal monologue to convey his thoughts, fears, and determination as he faces obstacles on his way to the meeting.
Enhance the dialogue to reflect Chris's emotional state and the urgency of the situation.
Consider incorporating flashbacks or voiceovers to provide context and depth to Chris's character and his motivations.
Ensure a seamless transition between different locations and actions to maintain the momentum and engagement of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CITY TRAIN - LATER

Later, Chris rides the metro train. Pretty soon, he sees
OFFICE MANAGER ALAN FRAKESH, having just boarded, walking
down the aisle. They make eye contact.

CHRIS
Hey...

ALAN
Hey.

CHRIS
Why are you on the train?

ALAN
I’m just cruising up to Morgan
Stanley. For a presentation.
Parking in the financial district’s
a pain in the ass.

CHRIS
Yeah.

Alan takes an empty space beside Chris.

ALAN
Thanks for moving my car.

CHRIS
That’s all right. It’s on Sierra.

ALAN
(like Sierra’s pretty far)
Sierra?

CHRIS
Yeah.

Chris reaches into his work bag.
77.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
There weren’t any spaces around
Lowery. Where you said.

Chris TAKES THE PARKING TICKET OUT.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I missed an appointment at Bell
Western. With Walter Ribbon. Walter
Ribbon left.

ALAN
Man...

CHRIS
I was twenty-three minutes late.

Now Chris is A LITTLE MORE THAN VAGUELY HOLDING THE TICKET
OUT TOWARD ALAN TO ALLOW ALAN TO ASSUME IT AND THE
RESPONSIBILITY OF PAYING FOR IT. Alan has seen the ticket but
isn’t taking it.

ALAN
Tell him some Dean Witter business
came up.

CHRIS
(pissed)
Okay...

ALAN
Something for a current client.
That’ll seem industrious.

CHRIS
Yeah...

Chris HAS CONTINUED TO HOLD THE PARKING TICKET OUT. FRAKESH
CONTINUES TO IGNORE IT. So Chris just reaches over and puts
the ticket on Alan’s body. Alan, though, will not take
possession of the parking ticket. He merely allows it to
slide slowly down his sportcoat sleeve and come to rest on
the train seat between him and Chris. HE DOESN’T EVEN
ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THAT JUST HAPPENED either; he’s just kept
looking straight ahead.

Chris looks at Alan. Alan won’t make eye contact.

MONTAGE

What follows is a series of dissolves featuring the train
interior with Alan and Chris sitting with the ticket equally
between them.
78.

Through dissolves, the passage of time is indicated by the
changing crowd of passengers around Chris and Alan Frakesh.
New riders appear and disappear. Throughout the sequence,
though, the ticket remains exactly between the two men. Soon,
the train comes to a stop. Alan rises.

ALAN
Thanks again for moving my car.

Alan walks down the aisle to leave the train. He leaves the
ticket behind. Chris remains beside it. Alan has disembarked.
The train begins moving again, taking Chris and his parking
ticket somewhere else. Then Chris puts it in his workbag.

INT. DINER, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER (NIGHT)

Chris and Christopher sit across from one another at a booth.
Chris pays the parking ticket with his checkbook.

CHRIS
We should get home pretty soon.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

CHRIS
(kindly)
Finish up.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.
(looking at the checkbook)
What are you doing?

CHRIS
Paying bills. A parking ticket.

CHRISTOPHER
You don’t have a car anymore.

CHRIS
I know.

Chris looks down at his checkbook.

CHRIS’S POV

The amount he’s just written as his balance is $64.08

Chris looks at that for a while. He’s worried.
79.

CHRIS
I need to take you with me to a
couple doctors’ offices tomorrow.
Okay? For a sales call.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

CHRIS
Then... possibly... we’ll go to a
baseball game. Possibly. Okay?

CHRISTOPHER
(pleased)
Yeah...

CUT TO:

INT. BUS, SUBURBS - LATER

It’s a jarring cut because for the first time, the setting is
not the city. Chris and Christopher ride in the bus together.
THEY’RE WEARING BRAND NEW SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS BASEBALL CAPS
SO FRESH THEIR BRIMS AREN’T BENT. Chris has a scanner with
him. Out the window pass spread out suburban homes and trees.

Genres: Drama, Slice of Life
Tone: Anxious, Reflective, Resigned

Summary Chris's financial struggles lead to a parking ticket and a moral dilemma when he receives an unexpected visitor on the train. Despite his financial worries, he makes an effort to spend time with his son and attends a Giants baseball game.

Strengths

Authentic portrayal of everyday struggles
Emotional depth of characters
Resonant theme of perseverance

Weaknesses

Lack of resolution for some plot threads
Limited external conflict

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or conflict, which is crucial for maintaining the audience's interest.
The dialogue between Chris and Alan feels forced and lacks depth, making the interaction less engaging.
The visual elements of the scene could be enhanced to create a more dynamic and visually appealing sequence.
The resolution of the parking ticket subplot feels anticlimactic and doesn't add much to the overall narrative.
There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, making it feel flat and uninteresting.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Introduce a stronger conflict or obstacle for Chris to overcome during his interaction with Alan to add tension to the scene.
Enhance the dialogue between Chris and Alan to reveal more about their characters and motivations, making the interaction more meaningful.
Consider incorporating visual elements such as camera angles, lighting, or editing techniques to create a more visually engaging sequence.
Revisit the resolution of the parking ticket subplot to make it more impactful or tie it back to the overall theme or character arc.
Add emotional depth to the scene by exploring Chris's internal struggles or motivations, making the audience more invested in his journey.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. SUBURBAN TOWN - LATER

Later, Chris and Christopher, in their fresh caps, walk past
suburban houses.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t understand.

CHRIS
You don’t understand what?

CHRISTOPHER
Are we going to the game?

CHRIS
We’re possibly going to the game.
Do you know what possibly means?

CHRISTOPHER
Like probably.

CHRIS
No... Possibly means we might, we
might not. Probably means there’s a
good chance we’re going.
80.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

CHRIS
(testing him)
What does probably mean?

CHRISTOPHER
It means there’s a good chance.

CHRIS
What does possibly mean?

CHRISTOPHER
I know what it means.

CHRIS
What?

CHRISTOPHER
It means we’re not going to the
game.

Chris laughs. He looks at his son for a while.

CHRIS
How’d you get so smart?

CHRISTOPHER
Because you’re smart.

Chris smiles. They fall silent and keep walking. After a
while, Chris’s expression shifts to doubt and concern whether
his son’s really right about that.

Genres: Drama, Family
Tone: Concerned, Reflective, Inquisitive

Summary Chris and Christopher walk through a suburban neighborhood, discussing the possibility of attending a baseball game. Christopher's intelligent responses to his father's questions about the definitions of "possibly" and "probably" lead Chris to wonder how his son became so smart. Christopher attributes his intelligence to his father's own intelligence. The scene ends with the question of whether they will attend the game unanswered, but the tone remains lighthearted and playful.

Strengths

Authentic dialogue
Emotional resonance
Character development

Weaknesses

Limited plot progression
Low conflict level

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear purpose or conflict, making it feel disconnected from the overall story.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher, while attempting to show their relationship, feels forced and unnatural.
The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly.
There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Chris's internal struggles and doubts about his son's intelligence.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid picture of the suburban setting.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a specific conflict or goal for Chris and Christopher in this scene to drive the narrative forward.
Work on making the dialogue more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities.
Smooth out the transition between scenes to ensure a seamless flow of the story.
Explore Chris's emotional journey and inner conflicts more deeply to add depth to the scene.
Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the suburban town setting and create a more immersive experience for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. SUBURBAN HOME - LATER

Chris has knocked on the door of a large private home.
Christopher waits beside him. Soon, Walter Ribbon answers the
door.

CHRIS
Mr. Ribbon?

WALTER RIBBON
Yes.

CHRIS
I’m Chris Gardner.

Ribbon’s wearing a Giants cap as well.
81.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Dean Witter.

WALTER RIBBON
Hi... what are you doing up--

CHRIS
I came to apologize for missing our
appointment.

WALTER RIBBON
You didn’t need to come up.

CHRIS
I wanted to thank you for your
time. You probably waited for me.

WALTER RIBBON
A little bit.

CHRIS
I didn’t want you to think I took
that for granted.

WALTER RIBBON
(nodding at the scanner)
What’s that?

CHRIS
An Acro density scanner. I sold
them before I began at Dean Witter.
I have a few remaining on a sales
lease. I have an appointment. After
the game.

WALTER RIBBON
You guys are going to the game?

CHRIS
Yeah. This is my son Chris.

WALTER RIBBON
We’re going too. I’m taking my son
Tim. My sixteen-year-old. We were
just leaving.
(calling back into the
house)
Tim.

Chris waits in the doorway. He begins to go.
82.

CHRIS
Well, we’ll leave you alone. I’m
sorry about yesterday. It just
wasn’t enough time to finish my
work and get across the district. I
was eager, and probably too
optimistic about getting over
there.

WALTER RIBBON
I appreciate that.

Chris waves goodbye. He begins to leave with Chris. Some time
passes as they walk farther away from Ribbon.

Walter Ribbon watches Chris and his son walk off and approach
a car on the streetside that isn’t Chris’s.

WALTER RIBBON
Hey.

Chris seems relieved. He turns.

WALTER RIBBON (CONT’D)
You guys want to come with us?

Chris looks at Ribbon; A BALLGAME TRIP WITH RIBBON IS WHAT HE
WAS TRYING TO PULL OFF BY COMING OUT.

CHRIS
To Candlestick?

WALTER RIBBON
Yeah. We’re going now. Come with
us. Where are your seats?

CHRIS
Upper deck.

WALTER RIBBON
We have a box. Come on.
(to Christopher)
Do you want to sit in a box?

Christopher thinks about it for a while.

CHRISTOPHER
(plainly)
No.

CHRIS
(to his son)
It’s not an actual box.
83.
CHRIS(cont'd)
It’s a closed off area. It’s more
comfortable.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

Chris looks at Ribbon and smiles.

CHRIS
Yeah, that would be great.

WALTER RIBBON
(calling back to the
house)
Tim!

Chris has come over to Walter’s car. He’s starting to enter
with his scanner.

WALTER RIBBON (CONT’D)
Why don’t you just put that in your
car?

Chris looks over at the strange car he was just pretending to
enter; He looks at Ribbon for a while, trying to come up with
something. Then HE DOES SOMETHING PRETTY WEIRD.

CHRIS
Ah!

WALTER RIBBON
(meaning what happened)
What?

CHRIS
I just got stung by a bee.

Ribbon looks at Chris. He didn’t see any bee anywhere. It
functioned as enough of a subject change though that Ribbon
opens his driver’s door without bringing up the scanner
again. So Chris is able to get in the car without dealing
with the issue.

Genres: Drama, Family, Sports
Tone: Apologetic, Optimistic, Friendly

Summary Chris and Christopher Gardner apologize to Walter Ribbon for missing an appointment. Ribbon invites them to a baseball game with him and his son, Tim. Chris initially pretends to enter a strange car but then claims to have been stung by a bee, distracting Ribbon and allowing him to enter Ribbon's car without further questions about the scanner. Chris and Christopher then enter Ribbon's car to attend the game.

Strengths

Character development
Building rapport
Redemption theme

Weaknesses

Lack of intense conflict
Predictable outcome

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering Chris is trying to salvage a missed appointment with Walter Ribbon.
The dialogue feels somewhat forced and lacks depth, especially in the interaction between Chris and Walter Ribbon.
There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Chris's emotions and motivations for trying to make amends with Ribbon.
The resolution with Chris pretending to be stung by a bee to avoid dealing with the scanner feels contrived and unrealistic.
The scene could benefit from more subtext and nuance to add layers to the characters' interactions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more emotional depth to Chris's apology to Walter Ribbon to make the scene more impactful.
Consider building up the tension and stakes of the missed appointment to create a more engaging conflict.
Explore Chris's internal struggle and conflicting emotions about his situation to add complexity to his character.
Find a more organic and believable way for Chris to avoid dealing with the scanner, rather than resorting to a forced scenario like being stung by a bee.
Work on enhancing the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. WALTER RIBBON’S CAR, MOVING - LATER

Chris rides in the passenger seat. Ribbon’s driving them
toward San Francisco.

WALTER RIBBON
Are you okay?

CHRIS
Yeah.
84.

WALTER RIBBON
You’re not allergic or anything?

CHRIS
No...

WALTER RIBBON
Where did it get you?

CHRIS
Like... back of my head.

No one speaks for a little while.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Thomas Jefferson mentions happiness
a couple times in the Declaration
of Independence.

CUT TO:

THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

CLOSE ON the phrase effect their safety and happiness.

CLOSE ON the phrase road to happiness.

CHRIS (V.O.)
It may seem like a strange word to
be in that document. But he was
sort of... he was an artist.

EXT. STADIUM PARKING LOT - LATER

Chris and his son are in the midst of a Bell Western tailgate
party. Christopher plays with some of the younger kids in the
party. Chris sits on a lowered tailgate of an SUV, drinking
soda.

CHRIS (V.O.)
He called the English, “the
disturbers of our harmony.” And I
remember sitting there that day
thinking about the disturbers of
mine.

CLOSE ON CHRIS as he considers.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Mrs. Chu. Running. Christopher
maybe going with Linda to Los
Angeles. That idea.
85.

Christopher runs around in the grass lot. Chris watches him.

CHRIS (V.O.)
My bent thumb.

When Chris lifts his soda, WE SEE HIS WAYWARD THUMB.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I sat on the tailgate of someone’s
truck for forty minutes because of
the lack of an actual bee sting on
the back of my head. I couldn’t get
up and get a hot dog. And I was
pretty hungry. And I thought about
all this.

Chris looks at something significant.

CHRIS (V.O.)
But Walter Ribbon and his Bell
Western pension money, which was
millions, was a way to leave it
behind.

CHRIS’S POV

Walter Ribbon speaks with a group of colleagues nearby.
They’re laughing it up with pregame good cheer.

Chris looks over at Walter.

INT. CORPORATE BOX, CANDLESTICK PARK, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Walter Ribbon holds a conversation with other work friends in
the crowded Bell Western corporate box. When he has a quiet
moment, Chris comes up to him. Ribbon turns to see Chris as
he arrives.

CHRIS
Thank you again for having us.

WALTER RIBBON
That’s my pleasure, Chris.

CHRIS
Mr. Ribbon, I’d love the chance to
introduce you to what Dean Witter
could do for your company. I’d be
pleased to come meet you whenever
you have the chance. We can beat
your arrangement with Morgan
Stanley.
86.

WALTER RIBBON
Chris, I didn’t have a notion you
were a first year over there. I
like you. But there’s not a chance
I’d let you direct our fund. That’s
not going to happen, buddy. Come
on. Relax. Enjoy the game.

Walter has patted Chris on the shoulder kindly and walked
off. Chris remains behind.

EXT. PARKING LOT, CANDELSTICK PARK - LATER

The Ribbons and Gardners part company with other Bell Western
corporate employees in a parking lot of Candlestick. A couple
of the younger ones exchange cards with Chris.

YOUNG EXECUTIVE
(to Chris)
Give me a call.

CHRIS
Okay.

SECOND YOUNG EXECUTIVE
(handing Chris his card)
Nice to meet you, Chris.

Chris heads off with the Ribbons. THE VIBE HERE IS PRETTY
BLUE BECAUSE CHRIS DIDN’T SCORE WITH RIBBON THE WAY HE HOPED.

EXT. WALTER RIBBON’S HOUSE, SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - LATER

Ribbon has pulled his car up to his home. The group is
splitting up - the Ribbon’s going inside and Chris and his
son walking off toward the street.

CHRIS
Thank you again.

WALTER RIBBON
My pleasure.

The Ribbons head in. Chris and Christopher walk out to the
street. Chris waits there for a moment, making sure the
Ribbons have gone into their house for sure. They have. So
Chris and Christopher start walking off down the street, back
to whatever bus stop brought them there.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - LATER (NIGHT)

A wide shot of the Gardner’s motel room gets across for the
first time what threadbare conditions they’re living in.
87.

Christopher sleeps on the side of the room on a cot. Chris
reads a financial textbook in the kitchenette. The scanner
stack of four is visible in the frame. THE IMAGE BECOMES
STILL, LIKE THE STILL IMAGES USED IN THE BEGINNING OF THE
PICTURE.

What follows is a series of these still photographs of the
same setting. In each of them, Christopher sleeps and Chris
sits in different positions around the kitchen table,
studying. BUT IN EACH PASSING PICTURE THERE IS ONE FEWER
SCANNER UNTIL NONE REMAINS.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Reflective, Melancholic, Hopeful

Summary Driven to a football game by Walter Ribbon, Chris hallucinates from a prior bee sting and unsuccessfully pitches his company to the executive. At the game, amidst tailgating festivities, Chris reflects on life's troubles. Despite another failed pitch in a corporate box, Chris's son provides a ray of hope. Studying late at a motel, Chris's hallucinations intensify, leaving him questioning reality.

Strengths

Strong character development
Emotional depth
Realistic dialogue

Weaknesses

Some scenes may feel repetitive or slow-paced

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple elements introduced but not fully explored or resolved.
The dialogue between Chris and Ribbon feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The transition between different settings and time frames is abrupt and disjointed, causing confusion for the audience.
The visual elements, such as the still photographs, could be more effectively utilized to convey the passage of time and the dwindling number of scanners.
There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in the scene, making it challenging for the audience to empathize with Chris and his struggles.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a clear and cohesive narrative arc for the scene, with a central conflict or theme that drives the action forward.
Refine the dialogue between Chris and Ribbon to make it more natural and engaging, allowing for a deeper exploration of their relationship.
Smooth out the transitions between different settings and time frames to create a more seamless and coherent storytelling experience.
Enhance the visual storytelling elements to effectively convey the passage of time and the emotional journey of the characters.
Add more depth and complexity to the characters, particularly Chris, to create a more compelling and relatable story for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. MOTEL OFFICE, MOTEL - DAY

On another day, after work, Chris has taken his mail from his
slot. He’s checking out something that’s got him worried.
He’s opened the letter. Christopher hangs around in the
distance.

CHRIS’S POV

The header reads IRS. The section beneath it
reads...immediate payment of full balance of $645.14. The IRS
will effect garnishment of wages from your employer....

Chris stares at the letter like it bears an unexpected,
critical difficulty.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - LATER (NIGHT)

Chris is back in the setting of the still photos. He’s
writing this check at the kitchen table. Christopher sleeps.
THE SCANNERS ARE ALL GONE. Chris looks up after finishing the
check. He’s grown deeply concerned.

EXT. STREET CORNER, SAN FRANCISCO - DAY

On a day off, Chris has caught up with his acquaintance Wayne
outside a city grocery.

CHRIS
Do you have the fourteen dollars,
man?

WAYNE
I thought I didn’t owe you that
now.

CHRIS
Why?

WAYNE
Why what?
88.

CHRIS
Why did you think that?

WAYNE
I helped you move.

CHRIS
You drove me across Kelsey Street.
That’s five yards. Wayne. Fuck.
It’s been four months. Come on,
man.

Christopher has come out of the market and joined them. He
starts walking off with his dad.

CHRISTOPHER
Are we going to school?

CHRIS
It’s Saturday.

CHRISTOPHER
Are we selling machines?

CHRIS
There’s none left. We have to meet
someone.

INT. DINER, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris and Christopher have met one of the YOUNG EXECUTIVES
FROM BELL WESTERN and his young daughter for lunch. Chris is
showing the young man an investment graph.

CHRIS
How much are you putting in your
pension?

YOUNG EXECUTIVE
All of it.

CHRIS
Well, here’s what it could look
like if you put a quarter in an
index.

Chris hands the guy the graph.

YOUNG EXECUTIVE
(checking his watch)
Chris, I have to run. Do you want
to finish up later this week?
89.

CHRIS
Yeah. Ben wanted to meet, too. Your
colleague?

YOUNG EXECUTIVE
Yeah. Ben March. You want to all
just get together?

CHRIS
That would be great. If there’s
anybody else at Bell Western that
would like to sit down, let me
know.

INT. REGISTER, DINER - LATER

Chris, with his son, pays at the register.

CHRIS (V.O.)
There was a month left in the
program. I was broke.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris has come outside with Christopher. They’re about to
cross the street to their residence motel. But Chris sees
something that makes him keep from going.

CHRIS’S POV

Chris can see in the open door of his motel room. The motel
manager’s in there, putting Chris’s clothes into Chris’s
suitcase.

Chris stares at him.

CHRIS
(to Christopher)
Let’s go for a walk.

After a moment, they head off another direction.

EXT. CITY PARK - LATER

Chris sits off to the side of a sand box area where
Christopher plays with some other kids. Chris seems pretty
distressed. A while goes by. Then CHRIS CATCHES SIGHT OF
SOMETHING.

He’s seen, vaguely, a couple blocks up ahead, the Filipino
walk across an intersection with his scanner.
90.

Chris looks in that direction, though the guy’s slipped from
sight.

Then Chris looks over at Christopher who he doesn’t want to
leave.

Then looks back the two blocks away where the guy’s gone off
to.

Then Chris picks Christopher up.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris runs with Christopher.

Genres: Drama, Family, Finance
Tone: Worry, Desperation, Determination, Hope

Summary Chris receives an IRS letter demanding immediate payment, escalating his financial worries. He then confronts Wayne about an unpaid debt, but Wayne refuses. Chris later meets with a young executive to discuss investments. Meanwhile, the motel manager packs up his belongings, prompting Chris to avoid his room. He encounters the scanner man and flees with Christopher.

Strengths

Authentic portrayal of financial struggles
Emotional depth in character relationships
Realistic family dynamics

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict or high stakes
Limited plot progression

General Critique

The scene starts with Chris receiving a letter from the IRS, which adds to his financial struggles. This is a good way to show the increasing pressure on Chris, but it could be more impactful if there was a stronger emotional reaction from him.
The interaction between Chris and Wayne about the $14 debt feels a bit disconnected from the overall tone of the scene. It could be streamlined or integrated better into the narrative.
The lunch meeting with the young executive from Bell Western feels rushed and lacks depth. There is potential for more meaningful dialogue and interaction to showcase Chris's financial expertise.
The scene transitions from the diner to the register without a clear connection, which can be confusing for the audience. Smooth transitions are important for maintaining the flow of the story.
The final moments of the scene, where Chris sees the motel manager packing his belongings, adds a sense of urgency and desperation. However, the transition to Chris spotting the Filipino man with the scanner feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a more emotional reaction from Chris to receiving the IRS letter to highlight the increasing pressure he is under.
Try to streamline the interaction between Chris and Wayne about the debt to make it more cohesive with the overall tone of the scene.
Expand on the lunch meeting with the young executive to delve deeper into Chris's financial expertise and create a more engaging dialogue.
Ensure smooth transitions between different locations within the scene to maintain the flow of the narrative and avoid confusion for the audience.
Integrate the moment of Chris spotting the Filipino man with the scanner more seamlessly into the narrative to create a stronger connection between the different elements of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. WHARF, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

The guy’s sitting on a bench at the end of the wharf. Soon,
Chris comes up to it; he sees that he can walk now because
there’s nowhere else for the guy to go.

CLOSE ON the guy, he’s got his eyes closed.

CHRIS
Hi...

Chris has walked up beside him. The guy looks at Chris for a
while.

FILIPINO GUY
(calmly)
Hey, Time Man.

CHRIS
Hey...

Chris stands there for a while with his son.

CHRIS
Where did you find it?

FILLIPINO GUY
Train platform.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(nodding at the scanner)
That’s broken, right?

FILIPINO GUY
Yeah.

CHRIS
Do you have all the pieces?
91.

FILIPINO GUY
Yeah.

As Chris looks on, the guy takes a couple stray pieces from
his coat pocket. He hands them to Chris.

CHRIS
I have to go away to fix it. Okay?

FILIPINO GUY
Okay.

He looks at Chris.

FILIPINO GUY (CONT’D)
You’ll come back?

CHRIS
Yeah...

Chris starts to go.

FILIPINO GUY
Because I want to go back to the
fifties, man. When I was thirty
three, man. That’s what I want to
do.

CHRIS
Okay.

FILIPINO GUY
When I had all my days ahead, man.

CHRIS
Okay.

FILIPINO GUY
I want to see Jimi Hendrix do that
guitar on fire.

They look at one another.

FILIPINO GUY (CONT’D)
Bring my time machine back.

Chris waves, then turns and starts to leave with his machine.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

Chris and his son ride on the train with the scanner.
92.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE - LATER

Chris sits in a doctor’s office waiting area, waiting for the
chance to sell the machine. Christopher sits beside him,
reading. Then the receptionist comes in from the inner-
office.

RECEPTIONIST
Chris, Dr. Telm’s not going to be
able to get back from the hospital.

Chris tries not to come off disheartened.

CHRIS
Okay...

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

Chris and Christopher take the train elsewhere.

CHRISTOPHER
Where are we going?

CHRIS
To Dr. Strauk’s.

CHRISTOPHER
I’m tired.

CHRIS
I know...

Chris looks worried he can’t sell his machine. The train
comes to a stop. Chris picks the scanner up.

INT. DR. STRAUK’S OFFICE - LATER

Chris speaks with a doctor in his meeting room. Chris has
just tried to fire up the machine, but it’s not working.

CHRIS
It’s not...
(to himself)
Fuck...
(aloud again)
...functioning right now. There was
an issue with the light that I
tried to--

DR. STRAUK
Just see me next quarter, Chris.
I’m going to put some money into
the office.
93.

Chris nods.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

The train comes back the other way. Chris and his son ride in
it. He still has the equipment with him. Christopher’s fallen
asleep.

EXT. RESIDENCE MOTEL - LATER (EVENING)

It’s night now. Chris and Christopher walk up to their motel
door. There’s a large piece of luggage left outside. Chris
looks at it. Then Chris tries his key in the lock. It doesn’t
work. Chris stands there for a while. More time passes. Then
he lifts the luggage.

CHRIS
Come on.

CHRISTOPHER
(growing upset)
Where are we going now?

CHRIS
Christopher.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t want to go.

Christopher’s worn out. He slumps down to stay right there.

CHRIS
Come on, hon.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t want to.

Chris lifts him up.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Melancholic, Reflective, Hopeful

Summary Chris and Christopher's journey to sell the scanner hits dead ends, with Chris facing repeated rejections from potential buyers. As they return to their motel, they discover their luggage has been left outside and the key no longer works, forcing them to leave.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Exploration of themes

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Slow pacing in some parts

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, leaving the reader confused about the significance of the interaction between Chris and the Filipino guy.
There is a lack of emotional depth and connection between the characters, making it difficult for the audience to empathize with their situation.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, lacking authenticity and depth.
The scene fails to build tension or create a sense of urgency, resulting in a lackluster and unengaging interaction.
The transition between locations and actions is abrupt and disjointed, making it challenging for the audience to follow the narrative flow.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more emotional depth and vulnerability to the characters to make the scene more engaging and relatable.
Clarify the purpose of the interaction between Chris and the Filipino guy to give the scene a clear direction and impact.
Revise the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations.
Build tension and urgency in the scene to keep the audience invested in the outcome.
Smooth out the transitions between locations and actions to improve the overall coherence and flow of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. APARTMENT DOORWAY, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER (NIGHT)

It’s later now. Chris knocks on the door. No one answers.

CHRIS
(knocking again)
Wayne!

Chris keeps knocking. He waits for an answer. None comes.
94.

INT. CITY TRAIN STATION, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER (NIGHT)

Chris and his son stand with Chris’s things in front of the
station signs that give commuters a choice for trains north
or south. Chris is looking at the signs.

CHRISTOPHER
Where are we going?

Chris stares up at the signs a while longer.

CHRIS
I don’t know.

Then Chris walks over and sits on a rest bench in the station
lobby. There’s no one else there. It’s dark outside. Soon,
Christopher comes over and sits beside Chris. A pretty long
time goes by.

CHRISTOPHER
That’s not a time machine.

Chris isn’t listening.

CHRISTOPHER (CONT’D)
That’s not a time machine.

CHRIS
What?

CHRISTOPHER
Like that guy said.

CHRIS
What guy?

CHRISTOPHER
That guy said it’s a time machine.

Chris looks at his son.

CHRIS
Yeah, it is.

CHRISTOPHER
(smiling)
No, it’s not.

CHRIS
You push that black button. Then
you use your imagination.
95.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

CHRIS
Are you going to do it?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah.

CHRIS
Where are we going to go?

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t know.

CHRIS
Let’s just push the button and see.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

Christopher pushes the black button.

CHRIS
Close your eyes.

Christopher does.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Open them.

He does.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Whoa...

CHRISTOPHER
What?

CHRIS
Dinosaurs.

CHRISTOPHER
(looking around)
Yeah...

Christopher begins to stand up.

CHRIS
(stopping him)
Watch out.
96.

CHRISTOPHER
What?

CHRIS
Don’t step in the fire. When you’re
a caveman, you need that fire.
There’s no electricity. It’s cold
out here.

Chris puts his hands up like he’s warming them in their fire.
Christopher does it too. Then Chris rises.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Okay. It’s late. Let’s go in our
cave.

The idea’s excited Christopher. Chris has nodded over at the
station bathroom. He begins to take their stuff over there.

Soon, he arrives at the bathroom door. Christopher’s behind
him.

CHRISTOPHER
Can we stay here all night? For
real?

Chris looks at the room.

CHRIS
Yeah...

The two of them walk into the bathroom. The door locks.

Genres: Drama, Family
Tone: Reflective, Hopeful, Intimate

Summary Chris and his son are at a train station, unsure of where to go. Chris decides to take the train south, but then changes his mind and decides to go to the bathroom. He and his son enter the bathroom and lock the door.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Father-son bonding
Creative use of imagination

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited plot progression

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, leaving the reader confused about the significance of the interaction between Chris and his son.
There is a lack of emotional depth and connection between Chris and Christopher, making their dialogue feel forced and unnatural.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher feels repetitive and does not add depth to their characters or the overall story.
The setting and actions of the characters do not contribute to the development of the plot or the characters' arcs.
The scene lacks tension, conflict, or resolution, making it feel stagnant and unengaging.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that it contributes to the overall narrative arc.
Focus on developing the emotional connection between Chris and Christopher to make their interactions more meaningful and engaging.
Add depth to the dialogue by exploring the characters' emotions, motivations, and relationships.
Consider incorporating elements of tension, conflict, or resolution to create a more dynamic and compelling scene.
Revise the setting and actions of the characters to align with the themes and goals of the screenplay.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. BATHROOM - LATER

Christopher’s asleep, laying on Chris. Chris is wide awake.
He’s laying with his back against the wall. SOMEONE STARTS
MAKING NOISE OUTSIDE, locking gates. Christopher starts
stirring.

CHRIS
(whispering)
Hey.

CHRISTOPHER
What?

CHRIS
Go to sleep.
97.

CHRISTOPHER
(squirming, trying to get
comfortable)
What?

CHRIS
You got to shush. Shush.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t want to play anymore.

CHRIS
Honey, you have to be quiet. Come
on.

CHRISTOPHER
(thrashing around)
I don’t want to play, Papa.

CHRIS
Christopher, sleep.

Chris holds Christopher tighter as a means to quiet him.
Christopher becomes quiet. His eyes stay closed. Chris
remains awake; he’s laying against the wall, looking at the
door.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Come on. Sleep.

Christopher’s stopped stirring. Chris keeps looking at the
door.

INT. ELEVATOR, DEAN WITTER BUILDING - DAY

In the morning, Chris rides up the work elevator. He’s
holding his things. The doors open. JAY TWISTLE ENTERS. They
see one another.

TWISTLE
(glad to see him)
Hey.

CHRIS
(smiling back)
Hi, Jay.

Chris holds his suitcase; he’s been made uncomfortable by
Jay’s presence.

TWISTLE
How are you getting along?
98.

CHRIS
Great.

TWISTLE
You’re doing good?

CHRIS
Yes. How are you doing?

TWISTLE
I’m doing great.

Some moments pass. Then Chris gestures with his bag.

CHRIS
I’m going to Sacramento. I’m trying
to move some guys from Bell Western
over to us. We’re golfing.

TWISTLE
Awesome.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, DEAN WITTER - LATER

Chris is alone in the wide conference room; he’s been working
on the scanner.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I could sell this soon. If I could
fix it. I could take the day off
and sell this.

Chris presses the black activation button. Nothing happens.
Chris looks down at the machine.

CHRIS
Fuck...

He just stands there for a while.

INT. SAN FRANCISCO CITY SHELTER - LATER

Two female city shelter workers hold a conversation in the
lobby of a city shelter. Then an assistant enters the lobby
from outside.

ASSISTANT
(to the older shelter
worker)
Someone’s asking for you. He’s
outside.
99.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Anxious, Tense, Desperate

Summary Amidst unsettling noises, Chris struggles to keep the restless Christopher quiet in a bathroom. Despite his efforts, Christopher stirs, prompting Chris to hold him tighter. The tension eases when Christopher falls asleep, leaving Chris vigilant and anxious. Meanwhile, Chris engages in a brief conversation with Jay in the elevator and encounters a malfunctioning scanner, expressing frustration.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Tension building
Character development

Weaknesses

Limited dialogue
Slow pacing

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, as it seems to focus on Chris trying to quiet his son in a bathroom without much progression or development.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher feels repetitive and lacks depth, making the interaction less engaging for the audience.
The transition from the bathroom scene to the elevator scene at Dean Witter is abrupt and disjointed, leaving the audience confused about the connection between the two settings.
There is a lack of visual description and emotional depth in the scene, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their struggles.
The scene fails to build tension or create a sense of urgency, resulting in a lackluster and uneventful sequence.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more layers to the interaction between Chris and Christopher to deepen their relationship and provide insight into their characters.
Provide clearer transitions between scenes to ensure a smooth flow of the narrative and maintain the audience's engagement.
Introduce more visual elements and emotional cues to enhance the atmosphere and draw the audience into the characters' experiences.
Add a clear objective or conflict for Chris in the scene to drive the narrative forward and create a sense of purpose.
Consider revising the dialogue to make it more dynamic, meaningful, and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. SAN FRANCISCO CITY SHELTER - SAME

Chris, in his professional clothing, waits outside the
shelter doors on the city sidewalk. The older CITY SHELTER
WORKER comes out to meet him.

SHELTER WORKER
Hi.

CHRIS
Hi. Can I speak to you for a
moment?

SHELTER WORKER
Sure.

They stand there for while, because Chris has difficulty
getting to it.

SHELTER WORKER (CONT’D)
Do you want to make a donation?

CHRIS
I actually want to...

Chris doesn’t finish right off. He waits there a long time.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I want a room.

He’s holding the scanner.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Until I can fix and sell this.
There’s some glass work that--

SHELTER WORKER
Yeah, listen. Yeah. We don’t need
reasons.

CHRIS
(feeling like he must
explain)
It got caught in the train.

SHELTER WORKER
Yeah.

CHRIS
I have a son. He’s five. We need to
stay.

She’s become quiet.
100.

SHELTER WORKER
(with sympathy)
Listen. No kids. We don’t have
liability. We can’t take children.

Chris listens.

SHELTER WORKER (CONT’D)
Go to Almont Church. Their building
books up at five. It’s first come.
There’s a line. Polk and Denning.

Chris nods his thanks then takes off running again.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

Chris has retrieved Christopher from daycare. They ride the
train.

Genres: Drama, Family, Slice of Life
Tone: Sympathetic, Desperate, Resigned

Summary Chris seeks shelter at a city shelter with his son but is turned away due to the shelter's policy against accommodating children. The shelter worker directs Chris to another shelter that accepts families. Chris and his son board a train, destination unknown.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Realistic portrayal of struggles

Weaknesses

Slow pacing in some parts
Lack of resolution in certain plot points

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, as Chris struggles to articulate his needs to the shelter worker, resulting in a prolonged and awkward interaction.
There is a lack of emotional depth and connection between Chris and the shelter worker, making the scene feel flat and unengaging.
The dialogue feels stilted and unnatural, with Chris struggling to explain his situation and the shelter worker responding in a detached manner.
The conflict of Chris trying to secure a room for himself and his son is not effectively conveyed, leading to a lack of tension and urgency in the scene.
The resolution of the shelter worker denying Chris and directing him to another location feels abrupt and unsatisfying, leaving the audience with a sense of unresolved tension.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify Chris's motivations and emotions in the scene to create a stronger connection with the audience.
Streamline the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, focusing on the key points of Chris's request and the shelter worker's response.
Enhance the conflict by emphasizing the stakes for Chris and his son, highlighting the urgency of their need for shelter.
Consider adding subtext or non-verbal cues to convey the unspoken tension and emotions between Chris and the shelter worker.
Provide a more satisfying resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. SHELTER, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Outside the three-story church shelter building, a rougher-
looking building, street people of different ages, mostly
men, have formed a line onto the sidewalk. Chris waits with
Christopher toward the front of the line. The guy in front of
Chris talks with a A LARGE GUY who’s come up to him. THE
LARGE GUY’S NOT IN LINE; he’s just standing around in the
area in front of Chris. Soon, a PASTOR comes out from the
doorway.

PASTOR
(to the line of men)
Four left. There’s four more.

Chris sees he’s fourth in line. He seems relieved until the
LARGE GUY SIDESTEPS IN FRONT OF HIM LIKE HE WAS NATURALLY
THERE. Chris stares at him for a while. He’s waiting, maybe
for the guy to leave, maybe for the guy to realize his
mistake. But the guy doesn’t leave.

CHRIS
Hey, man.

The guy doesn’t do anything.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Hey, come on.

LARGE GUY
Come on what?
101.

CHRIS
Come on, man. Just fucking... You
cut.

LARGE GUY
Back up.

This guy elbows Chris back.

CHRIS
You cut.

Then he shoves Chris.

LARGE GUY
Back the fuck up.

Chris has been startled by the violence he’s using.
Christopher looks on; he’s scared. Chris seems scared, too.
But he shoves the guy. Then Chris holds him around the head,
bends him and takes him to the ground. They start fighting
down there while the line scatters then starts cheering them
on.

PASTOR
Out of the line!

THE PASTOR HAS COME OUT FROM THE SHELTER. He yanks Chris off
the larger man.

PASTOR (CONT’D)
Both of you. Out of the line.

They’re on their feet now, but neither of them moves.

PASTOR (CONT’D)
Get out!

HOMELESS MAN
He sliced in front of him.

A guy farther back in line has spoken up.

HOMELESS MAN (CONT’D)
(to the pastor)
He sliced in front of him in line.

PASTOR
Who did?

The homeless guy doesn’t want to say it out loud. He nods at
the larger man.
102.

CHRIS
(to the Pastor)
I got here first.

Chris is catching his breath.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I was here first.

The Pastor looks at Chris. Then he looks at Christopher.
Chris looks at the Pastor with the clearest communication of
desperation he’s shown yet.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I came from my job. We got here. We
got in line. This guy just came up.
He shoved in front. I went and got
my son and we got here. We were
here on time. Someone told me we
had to be here on time. We were on
time.

The Pastor stares at him for a while.

PASTOR
All right.
(to the large man)
Get out of line, Rodney.

The large man shuffles off. Chris takes his place in the line
again. Chris tries to calm himself. Christopher’s holding
onto his arm now because he’s freaked out. Then Chris notices
his dress shirt’s ripped.

CHRIS
(quietly)
Fuck...

Genres: Drama, Action
Tone: Tense, Desperate, Violent, Fearful

Summary Chris confronts a man who cut in line at a church shelter, leading to a fight. The Pastor intervenes, but Chris is allowed back in line after a fellow homeless man speaks up.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Emotional depth
Realistic dialogue

Weaknesses

Potential for violence
Lack of resolution

General Critique

The scene opens with a physical altercation between Chris and a large guy outside the shelter, which may not align with the overall tone of the script. The sudden shift to violence can be jarring for the audience and may not fit the narrative flow.
The dialogue between Chris and the large guy escalates quickly and the use of strong language and physical aggression may not be necessary to convey the conflict. It could be more effective to explore the tension through dialogue and character interactions.
The resolution of the conflict, with the Pastor intervening and the large guy being removed from the line, feels somewhat rushed and could benefit from more development to add depth to the scene.
The emotional impact of the scene could be enhanced by delving deeper into Chris's desperation and the challenges he faces as a single father trying to provide for his son. This would create a more poignant and relatable moment for the audience.
The torn dress shirt at the end of the scene could symbolize Chris's struggles and the obstacles he faces in his journey. This visual element could be further emphasized to add layers to the character's arc.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the confrontation between Chris and the large guy to focus more on the emotional tension rather than physical violence. This can help maintain the tone of the script and deepen the character dynamics.
Explore Chris's internal struggles and fears more explicitly to create a more compelling and empathetic portrayal of his journey. This can help the audience connect with the character on a deeper level.
Extend the resolution of the conflict with the Pastor and the large guy to allow for a more gradual and impactful conclusion. This can add complexity to the scene and highlight the themes of resilience and determination.
Enhance the symbolism of the torn dress shirt to reflect Chris's resilience and determination in the face of adversity. This visual motif can serve as a powerful metaphor for his journey towards success and stability.
Consider incorporating more subtle and nuanced interactions between characters to convey the emotional depth of the scene. This can create a more engaging and authentic portrayal of the challenges Chris faces.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. SHELTER ROOM - LATER

The room is small and real basic. There’s a wood desk and a
bed. It’s dark. Chris lights a candle.

CHRISTOPHER
Why don’t we have lights?

CHRIS
It’s two dollars for electricity.
We need breakfast tomorrow. Come
on. Let’s get washed.

They’ve come into the small bathroom. Christopher’s taken off
his shirt. Chris runs water from the sink over a cloth.
103.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Can you stand up here?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah...

Chris picks his son up. He stands him on the low counter
beside the sink. He begins to wash him with the cloth. Time
passes.

CHRIS
What’s your favorite color? I was
wondering about that.

CHRISTOPHER
Green.

CHRIS
What do you like that’s green?

CHRISTOPHER
Trees.

CHRIS
Anything else?

CHRISTOPHER
Holly.

CHRIS
The Christmas stuff?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah...

CHRIS
That’s good.

Chris washes Christopher with the rag; he’s feeling some pain
in that hand.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(to himself, quietly)
Damn, man...

CHRISTOPHER
What?

CHRIS
(quietly)
I think I broke my other thumb.
104.

Chris doesn’t say anything else. He keeps washing Christopher
up.

INT. SHELTER ROOM - LATER

Christopher lays in the bed. Chris sits on the edge, putting
him to bed.

CHRIS
I have to go sit in the hall and
fix this, okay?

Chris has nodded at the busted scanner that rests nearby.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I’ll be right out there. I’ll leave
the door open a little.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

Chris rises. He heads for the lighted common hallway. He
turns back because he wants to reassure Christopher.

CHRIS
I’m just going to be right out
here.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay. I trust you.

Chris looks at his son; he smiles, waves, then takes the
scanner out to the hallway.

EXT. HALLWAY, SHELTER - LATER

Chris sits on the hallway floor near the open door of his
room. He’s using the hallway light to help him repair his
scanner. He’s becoming frustrated by a part that won’t
function as a BOARDER IN AN OLD ARMY JACKET walks by.

CHRIS
(to the scanner)
You fucking piece of shit.

GUY
What did you call me?

CHRIS
Not you. This.

Chris has his hands on the scanner. The guy looks at Chris
for a while. Then he walks off.
105.

Chris tries to rig the thing another way. It fails as well.
Then he gets up. He goes into his room. He’s gone for a
moment, then he comes out to the hallway again with one of
his financial textbooks. He’s taken a seat beside the
scanner. He starts to do his work out there. Then the lights
go dead.

MAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
Lights out.

INT. CHRIS’S SHELTER ROOM - LATER

It’s pretty dark in their room. Chris sits near the window,
trying to read his book by the streetlight coming in. He
stops. He stares at the room. Before long, he starts to break
up. He seems to be losing it like he lost it in the apartment-
painting scene, but this time he can’t make any noise. His
feelings this time just take the form of silent, anguished
crying. Then Christopher, who’s apparently awake in bed
across the room, asks him something.

CHRISTOPHER
How are you going to tie your tie?

CHRIS
(didn’t catch all of it)
What?

CHRISTOPHER
How are you going to tie your tie?
With your hands hurt?

CHRIS
I’ll get it done.

CHRISTOPHER
No way.

CHRIS
I’ll get it done. Go to sleep.

CHRISTOPHER
No way. That’s why animals can’t
make tools. Because of no thumbs.

CHRIS
Go to sleep. The sooner you get to
sleep, the shorter the night’ll be.

Christopher doesn’t say anything else. Chris leans against
the wall by the window. He’s exhausted. After a while, he
looks back at his book.
106.

INT. SHELTER ROOM - MORNING

In the morning, Chris sits on the bed, nearly dressed for
work. Christopher’s with him, helping him get his tie tied
properly.

CHRIS
Is it through the middle?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah...

Genres: Drama
Tone: Desperation, Resilience, Sorrow

Summary Chris and his son Christopher are in a shelter, struggling to make ends meet. Chris is trying to fix a scanner, but he is frustrated and exhausted. Christopher tries to help his father, but he is worried about him. The scene ends with Chris and Christopher getting ready for work.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Realistic portrayal of struggles
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some pacing issues
Limited external conflict

General Critique

The scene effectively portrays the dire situation Chris and his son are in, highlighting their struggle to find shelter and basic necessities.
The use of minimal dialogue and visual cues effectively conveys the emotional and physical toll on Chris, especially with the broken thumb and his silent breakdown.
The interaction between Chris and Christopher showcases their bond and Chris's determination to take care of his son despite his own challenges.
The frustration and desperation Chris feels are palpable, adding depth to his character and the overall tone of the scene.
The scene effectively builds tension and a sense of urgency as Chris tries to repair the scanner and provide for his son in a dark and uncertain environment.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or thoughts from Chris to provide insight into his emotions and mindset during the scene.
Explore the possibility of incorporating sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the shelter room and hallway, such as sounds, smells, and textures.
Introduce moments of reflection or introspection for Christopher to further develop his character and his perspective on their situation.
Experiment with different lighting techniques to visually represent the darkness and isolation of the shelter room, adding to the overall mood of the scene.
Consider incorporating subtle hints or foreshadowing of future events to create a sense of anticipation and intrigue for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. RADIO SHACK, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

At the register, Chris is showing the clerk a mini light bulb
and transmitter.

CHRIS
One of these.

CLERK
Six weeks.

CHRIS
(upset about that delay)
For a K transmitter? And a bulb?

Christopher’s looking at a video game shelf.

CLERK (CONT’D)
Yeah. Those are English. Six weeks.

CHRIS
(upset at the delay)
Do you have a Thompson wire?

CLERK
That won’t work.

CHRIS
Yeah, it will. We used them in the
Navy to send the same electrical
weight. Let me try it.

The guy enters the number.

CLERK (CONT’D)
Three weeks.

Chris takes the news in.
107.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris walks with Christopher. He’s dressed for work, but he’s
carrying his suitcase; Christopher has a bookbag.

CHRIS (V.O.)
You weren’t able to leave your
belongings behind.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris approaches the lobby of Dean Witter for work; he’s
still got his luggage. He encounters another young Bell
Western executive PAUL going in.

CHRIS
Hi, Paul.

PAUL
(greeting him)
What’s happening, Chris?

Paul takes notice of the stuff Chris holds.

PAUL
(meaning what’s he got
that stuff for)
What’s up?

CHRIS
Work trip.

They enter the building.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, DEAN WITTER - LATER

Chris and Paul sit together at the conference table.

CHRIS
Your wife works at Bell Western,
too, right?

PAUL
Yeah.

CHRIS
Well, then you should use the
pension. Because you’re paying
taxes twice.

PAUL
For real?
108.

CHRIS
Yeah... because you’re using your
taxable income...

CHRIS (V.O.)
I was able to finish this stuff
pretty quickly.

Chris has placed income amounts in different sections on his
paperwork.

CHRIS (V.O.)
The math. I had to finish quickly.
To get to the Altmont rooms by
five.

Chris looks up at a wall clock that reads 4:30.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

Chris sprints away from the skyscraper.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

Chris rides the train.

INT. CITY BUS, MOVING - LATER

Chris rides the bus.

INT. CITY TRAIN - MOVING

Chris is on another el, tapping the window glass from
adrenaline.

EXT. KING STREET - LATER

Chris and Christopher hustle with their things up San
Francisco’s King Street, toward a bus stop.

EXT. BUS BENCH, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

They sit on a sidewalk bench waiting for the bus. There’s a
wide public clock behind them. It reads 4:50. Chris taps his
foot like he’s frantic. There’re others waiting. The bus
comes. Chris rises quickly.

CHRIS
Let’s go.

Christopher’s preoccupied by a kid’s book he’s reading.
109.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Let’s go!

CHRISTOPHER
I want to read this.

CHRIS
On the bus.

CHRISTOPHER
Just this part.

CHRIS
Goddamnit. Get up! Come on!

It’s hurting Chris to talk to his son this way. When
Christopher catches up to him, they find the bus so full
there’s not room for all the commuters waiting on the
sidewalk. Chris is shoulder to shoulder with an older lady.
He jockeys his arm past her to get a front position. A young
guy in a suit’s watching.

GUY
Why don’t you let the lady on?

Chris doesn’t respond.

GUY (CONT’D)
Man, that’s not cool.

Chris tries to ignore the guy.

GUY (CONT’D)
That’s not cool. Let the--

CHRIS
Why don’t you get the fuck away
from me!

The guy’s been startled.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Get the fuck away from me. Right
now.

Chris gets Christopher up into the bus; he follows him on.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Frantic, Upset, Confrontational, Desperate

Summary Chris races against time to gather materials for his bomb, juggling work, family, and transportation setbacks. His stress levels escalate as he encounters delays and confrontations, leaving the scene on an edge-of-your-seat cliffhanger.

Strengths

Intense pacing
Emotional depth
Realistic portrayal of struggles

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may come off as overly confrontational

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition between the Radio Shack interaction and Chris rushing to work at Dean Witter, causing a disjointed feel.
The dialogue between Chris and the clerk at Radio Shack feels a bit forced and lacks depth, making it less engaging for the audience.
The urgency and stress Chris feels as he rushes to work are not effectively conveyed through the actions and dialogue in the scene.
The interaction between Chris and Paul at Dean Witter lacks depth and substance, missing an opportunity to add more layers to their relationship.
The scene could benefit from more visual cues and emotional depth to enhance the audience's connection with Chris and his struggles.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between the Radio Shack interaction and Chris rushing to work to improve the flow of the scene.
Enhance the dialogue between Chris and the clerk at Radio Shack by adding more depth and authenticity to make it more engaging.
Work on conveying Chris's urgency and stress more effectively through his actions and dialogue to create a stronger emotional impact on the audience.
Develop the interaction between Chris and Paul at Dean Witter by adding more substance and depth to their conversation to enrich their relationship dynamic.
Include more visual cues and emotional depth in the scene to enhance the audience's connection with Chris and his struggles, making the scene more impactful.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Outside of the Almont church shelter building, Chris and
Christopher, in the front of the line, get accepted inside
for an open room.
110.

EXT. CHURCH SHELTER, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

It’s evening now. Chris and his son sit under a streetlight
on the stoop of the shelter building. Chris reads his
textbook. Up the street, prostitutes stand on the corner.
Chris looks at Christopher for a while. The boy seems real
calm and more or less contented. Chris keeps looking at him.

CHRIS
You’re a good boy.

Christopher looks over at him.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
You’re a wonder. You know?

Christopher smiles.

CHRISTOPHER
Can I look at that fire truck?

CHRIS
Yeah.

Christopher heads off down the sidewalk where some firemen
repair a hydrant. Their truck’s parked there.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Just don’t bother them.

Chris watches him go. Then Chris looks back at his book for a
while.

PROSTITUTE
Get your kid some dinner.

Chris turns and sees a PROSTITUTE has come up to him. She’s
holding out a five dollar bill.

CHRIS
(declining)
That’s okay. They have dinner here.

PROSTITUTE
Get him dessert.

CHRIS
That’s fine.

PROSTITUTE
Do you think this is dirty money?
111.

CHRIS
(smiling)
I don’t think there’s any such
thing. I just don’t want him to see
me taking money. He thinks I know
what I’m doing.

She puts the bill away. Chris checks on Christopher.
Christopher looks over at them from down the sidewalk. He
makes eye contact with his dad. Then he waves hello with his
good nature like he was waving from a carousel.

INT. MESS HALL, SHELTER - LATER

The room is full of cafeteria tables. Forty or so men eat in
scattered positions around the room. Chris sits at a table
with his son. They don’t talk for a while.

CHRISTOPHER
Who called you Ten Gallon Head?

CHRIS
What?

CHRISTOPHER
You said they called you that. Who
called you that?

CHRIS
My aunts. Some teachers.

CHRISTOPHER
Because you like to read?

CHRIS
Yeah. And do puzzles. Math.

CHRISTOPHER
What did you read?

CHRIS
I read about people’s lives.
Biographies. You know what those
are?

CHRISTOPHER
Books about people’s lives?

Chris nods.

CHRIS
I liked to read about interesting
lives. Cool lives.
112.

CHRISTOPHER
Like whose lives?

CHRIS
Miles Davis. I don’t know. Thomas
Jefferson. Christopher Columbus.

CHRISTOPHER
Who’s Thomas Jefferson?

CHRIS
President. Architect. Musician. He
wrote the Declaration of
Independence.

CHRISTOPHER
What’s that about?

CHRIS
It’s about... I don’t know. It’s
about people trying to be free, so
they can try to be happy.

CHRISTOPHER
What instrument did he play?

CHRIS
The violin. I think. Or the cello
or something. I don’t really
remember.

Chris looks at Christopher as he returns to his meal.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, DEAN WITTER - DAY

The twenty interns sit around the table in the largest Witter
conference room. They’re taking a timed exam. A proctor sits
up front. Soon, a MALE INTERN stands up and heads for the
proctor to turn in his test. Some others look up - they’re
struggling and are pissed the assured male intern has
finished already. But as this male intern walks to the door,
Chris stands up; he’s finished as well. The male intern looks
at Chris.

INT. ELEVATOR, DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

The two ride the elevator down together. Some time passes.
THE FIRST PARTNER FROM CHRIS’S FIRST INTERVIEW RIDES BEHIND
THEM.
113.

INTERN
(to Chris)
Did you finish the whole thing, or
did you have to go somewhere, or..?

CHRIS
I have to go somewhere.

The guy nods. He seems relieved to resume believing he
finished earlier than the others.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
But I finished the whole thing,
too.

INTERN
(a little bummed)
Oh. Good.

CHRIS
Yeah. You?

Genres: Drama
Tone: Reflective, Resigned, Hopeful

Summary At an Almont church shelter, Chris and his son, Christopher, find refuge. Under a streetlight, Chris reads while they discuss past biographies. Despite a prostitute's offer for money, Chris maintains his dignity. Christopher's curiosity leads him to a fire truck, reminding Chris of his own educational pursuits. In the shelter's mess hall, Chris shares his passion for reading with Christopher. As the day ends, Chris finishes an exam with an interviewee from his past.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Authentic character dynamics
Poignant moments

Weaknesses

Limited plot progression
Low external conflict

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension given the dire circumstances Chris and Christopher are in. There is a disconnect between the seriousness of their situation and the relatively calm and casual interactions they have with other characters.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and emotional resonance. It doesn't effectively convey the complex emotions and struggles they are facing.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting. The lack of sensory details makes it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the environment and characters.
The interaction with the prostitute offering money for Christopher feels out of place and doesn't add much to the overall narrative. It distracts from the main focus of Chris and Christopher's relationship and struggles.
The transition between different locations and interactions feels disjointed and abrupt, making it challenging for the audience to follow the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more emotional depth and authenticity to the dialogue between Chris and Christopher to better convey their struggles and relationship.
Focus on creating a sense of urgency and tension in the scene to reflect the dire circumstances Chris and Christopher are facing.
Provide more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Consider streamlining the interactions and transitions between different characters and locations to improve the coherence and flow of the scene.
Explore ways to integrate the theme of resilience and hope in the face of adversity more effectively throughout the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INTERN
Yeah.

CHRIS
What did you think of the graphs?

INTERN
Easy.

Chris nods.

CHRIS
What about the essay question?

There is a long pause.

INTERN
Essay question?

CHRIS
On the back. Yeah.

Some more time passes.

INTERN
Shit.

The guy hits the button for the next floor. When the doors
open, he gets off quickly. Chris remains behind; he’s
laughing.
114.

But he’s also conveying the same vibe the guy was just giving
off - satisfaction he found the test easier than his
colleagues. He makes eye contact with the first partner; the
partner’s looking back like he found the episode telling and
funny as well.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

Chris and the First Partner are outside at the curb, Chris
waiting to cross, the partner hailing a cab. A BUSINESSMAN
passing sees Chris.

BUSINESSMAN
Chris.

Chris faces the guy.

CHRIS
(recognizing him)
Jeff, right? The Giants game?

BUSINESSMAN
Yeah. You were going to call.

CHRIS
I never got your number.

BUSINESSMAN
Okay, man. Here.

The guy takes a business card out.

BUSINESSMAN (CONT’D)
Call me.

While the two have been talking the First Partner’s been
searching his pockets for something. Chris has his wallet out
to put the guy’s card away.

FIRST PARTNER
Fuck. Chris, hey, do you have five
bucks?

Chris stands there for a moment.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
My wallet’s upstairs.

CHRIS
(trying to keep his money)
Do you want me to get it?
115.

FIRST PARTNER
No, I have to get to Cal Bank. At
five.

CHRIS
Yeah... um...

FIRST PARTNER
(kidding)
I’m good for it.

CHRIS
(smiling along)
I know...

Chris takes a five dollar bill from his wallet, leaving a
couple dollars left. He hands it to the First Partner. Then
the First Partner takes off for his cab. Chris stands there,
watching him go off with money Chris needed.

INT. ALMONT CHURCH SHELTER - LATER

Christopher and Chris have been admitted into the shelter
foyer, into a shorter line to sign in and pay. They’re one
guy back from paying. A CHURCH-WORKER CLERK’s explaining the
billing to the guy; Chris stands behind him listening.

CHURCH WORKER
Two dollars to stay. Two to eat.
Two covers electricity.

Chris is holding the two dollars he’s left with. He waits
there for a while, then he looks at Christopher.

CHRIS
Are you hungry?

Christopher nods.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Did you eat at school?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah?

CHRIS
The second session?

CHRISTOPHER
(not following him)
What?
116.

CHRIS
In the afternoon?

Christopher shakes his head. Chris looks at him. Time goes
by.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Okay. Come on.

Chris leads Christopher out of the line. They head out the
shelter doorway for the sidewalk.

INT. PIZZA SHOP, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Later, at night, Chris and Christopher sit at the window
counter. Christopher’s eating a piece of pizza. Chris
studies.

EXT. TRAIN STATION, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

While Christopher waits, Chris pays the city station
attendant with the dollar.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

Later at night, Chris and his son are among a few other folks
on the train. Christopher’s coloring. Chris studies his
books.

INT. CITY TRAIN, MOVING - LATER

Later, Chris and his son are the only ones in the car. It’s
moving back the other direction. Christopher’s sleeping.
Chris is awake. He’s looking out the window again, much like
he was in the picture’s early scenes.

EXT. BLOOD CENTERS OF THE PACIFIC, SHOP OFFICE - DAY

The next day, Chris leaves a strip mall shop door over which
a banner reads Blood Center of the Pacific.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Desperation, Struggle, Resilience

Summary Chris encounters various people and experiences conflicts in various locations throughout San Francisco. He interacts with an intern, a businessman, his first partner, and his son. Throughout the scene, Chris shows concern for his son and a sense of responsibility. The scene ends with Chris entering a strip mall shop called Blood Centers of the Pacific.

Strengths

Emotional impact
Resilience theme
Character development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, as it primarily focuses on mundane interactions and transactions.
There is a lack of character development and meaningful conflict, making the scene feel flat and unengaging.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, with interactions feeling superficial and lacking in substance.
The pacing of the scene is slow and uneventful, failing to create tension or build towards a meaningful resolution.
The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction, leaving the audience without a sense of progression or impact.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Introduce more meaningful conflict or tension to drive the scene forward and engage the audience.
Focus on developing the characters further to create depth and emotional resonance for the audience.
Enhance the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
Consider adding layers to the scene by incorporating subplots or character arcs to add complexity and interest.
Work on improving the pacing of the scene to maintain the audience's attention and create a sense of momentum.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

Chris meets with two professional women at a cafe table on
the sidewalk. Christopher sits at the next table, coloring.

CHRIS
(to one of the women)
How long have you been at Bell
Western?

FIRST PROFESSIONAL WOMEN
Eight years.
117.

CHRIS
Good. Then you can start splitting
into an IRA for stocks.

FIRST PROFESSIONAL WOMEN
I can do that already?

CHRIS
You could have done it last year.

FIRST PROFESSIONAL WOMEN
Great...

The second woman folds her paperwork up.

SECOND PROFESSIONAL WOMAN
Are we all set?

CHRIS
Yes.

FIRST PROFESSIONAL WOMEN
Thanks, Chris.

CHRIS
Thank you, Ann.

They’ve all stood to leave one another.

SECOND PROFESSIONAL WOMAN
Have fun on your trip.

Chris has picked up his suitcase he’s had with him. He waves
goodbye to the departing pair of women. Christopher’s with
him now.

CHRISTOPHER
What trip?

Chris stands around there with his suitcase for a moment.

CHRIS
Our trip uptown to Radio Shack.

INT. RADIO SHACK, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

The clerk faces the camera, holding a small electrical part
and bulb out to it.

CLERK
Here’s your Thompson wire.

Chris is facing the guy. He takes it.
118.

INT. TRAIN CAR, MOVING - LATER

Chris and Christopher ride in the train together, among a lot
of other working people going home. Chris holds the piece
from Radio Shack.

CHRISTOPHER
What’s that?

CHRIS
To repair the light.

CHRISTOPHER
Can I see it?

CHRIS
Yeah.

Chris hands the bulb to Christopher.

CHRIS
(calmly, smiling)
Don’t drop it.

Christopher takes the piece.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Unless you want to keep living in
the same room with me.

CHRISTOPHER
I don’t mind.

Chris smiles.

CHRIS
You will.

Christopher examines the electrical bulb. Chris looks over at
him. Then Christopher looks at him again.

CHRISTOPHER
Why am I going to want my own room?

CHRIS
What’s that?

CHRISTOPHER
You said I was going to want my own
room.

CHRIS
Yeah.
119.

CHRISTOPHER
Why?

CHRIS
Space. For privacy. Peace.

Some time goes by.

CHRISTOPHER
Where are you going to be?

Chris looks over at Christopher and smiles.

CHRIS
Next door.

CHRISTOPHER
What am I going to do in there?

CHRIS
Whatever you want. Whatever makes
you happy. Nap. Read. Dream.

Christopher looks back at the bulb. Chris keeps looking at
him.

EXT. STREET, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

They’ve walked to the shelter district.

INT. SHELTER ROOM - LATER (NIGHT)

Christopher’s in the one bed. Chris sits on the edge, saying
goodnight; it’s dark.

CHRIS
I’ll see you in the morning.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

CHRIS
You’re warm enough?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah...

Chris tucks him in.

CHRISTOPHER (CONT’D)
You’re a good papa.
120.

After a while of looking at his son, Chris smiles. Then Chris
finishes squaring Christopher away. Then Chris takes the
object he bought at Radio Shack and walks toward the scanner
left against the wall.

Genres: Drama, Family
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Hopeful

Summary Chris meets two clients and advises them financially, then heads to Radio Shack with his son, Christopher. They buy a part and ride a train home, where Chris discusses Christopher's new room with him and shares a touching moment in the shelter, calling himself a good father

Strengths

Authentic portrayal of father-son bond
Emotional depth
Resilience theme

Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or conflict, which could make it feel less engaging for the audience. Adding a sense of tension or stakes could help elevate the scene.
The dialogue between Chris and the professional women at the cafe feels a bit flat and could benefit from more dynamic interactions or exchanges.
The transition between locations, from the cafe to Radio Shack to the train, feels a bit disjointed and could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.
The interaction between Chris and Christopher on the train discussing the light bulb repair lacks depth and could be more meaningful to showcase their relationship.
The conversation between Chris and Christopher about getting his own room feels a bit forced and could be more natural and organic to reflect their bond as father and son.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Introduce a sense of urgency or conflict in the scene to make it more engaging for the audience.
Enhance the dialogue between Chris and the professional women to make it more dynamic and engaging.
Smooth out the transitions between locations to improve the flow of the scene.
Deepen the interaction between Chris and Christopher on the train to showcase their relationship more effectively.
Make the conversation between Chris and Christopher about getting his own room more natural and reflective of their bond as father and son.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CHRIS’S SHELTER ROOM - LATER (NIGHT)

In their dark room, as Christopher sleeps, Chris sits by the
window, trying to fix the scanner by the light from the
window. It’s really dark. We can hear Chris clicking things
into place. He’s done. He looks at the machine. He gets ready
to press the button to test it. A long time goes by.

CHRIS (V.O.)
This part of my life... This part
is called...

Chris pushes the button. The machine makes an activation
sound, then his room get lighted all the way up by the bright
blue light the scanner emits.

CHRIS (V.O.)
...happiness.

EXT. PUBLIC SQUARE, SAN FRANCISCO - DAY

Chris sits on the perimeter wall of a fountain in the public
square. He’s dressed for his Dean Witter work. The Bell
Western building is beside the square. Chris holds an
informal meeting with A YOUNG BELL EXECUTIVE AND A COUPLE OF
HIS COLLEAGUES.

EXT. DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

Chris leaves Dean Witter later. He’s carrying his scanner.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE, MEETING ROOM - LATER

Chris sits across from a DOCTOR. The scanner rests on the
table between them.

DOCTOR
Plug it in.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Four hundred and eighteen dollars.

EXT. CHECK CASH STORE - LATER

Chris and Christopher wait in line for the cash.
121.

CHRIS (V.O.)
That was going to get me through
the program. All the way to the
end, and then some.

EXT. BUS BENCH, SIDEWALK, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER (EVENING)

Later, Chris and Christopher sit on a bus bench in a San
Francisco neighborhood; they have their belongings with them.
Chris is feeling a measure of relief he hasn’t shown before.

CHRISTOPHER
Are we going to the church place?

CHRIS
No...

CHRISTOPHER
Where are we going?

Chris thinks about it.

CHRIS
Let’s go to a hotel.

CHRISTOPHER
Can we go back to the cave?

Chris sits there.

CHRIS
No...

CHRISTOPHER
Ever?

CHRIS
I don’t think so.

CHRISTOPHER
Why?

CHRIS
Because some things are fun the
first time you do them. Then not so
much the next time.

CHRISTOPHER
Like the bus?

CHRIS
Yeah...
122.

They sit there for a while. The bus comes.

INT. CITY BUS, MOVING - LATER (EVENING)

It’s become dark. The bus is crowded, so Chris and his son
are seated close together near a lot of others standing in
the aisle; Chris is looking out the window at the city going
by.

EXT. HOLIDAY INN HOTEL, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER (NIGHT)

Chris and Christopher have gone up a step to the lobby
entrance of the Holiday Inn San Francisco.

INT. HOTEL ROOM, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER (NIGHT)

The room’s an average hotel room. A sofa’s right in the
middle. The bed’s empty in the background. Chris and
Christopher are asleep together on the sofa.

EXT. GOLDEN GATE PARK - DAY

The next day, Chris and Christopher sit all alone together in
a really wide stretch of grass in Golden Gate Park.

CHRISTOPHER
(in the middle of a
conversation)
Can people climb Mount Everest?

CHRIS
Yeah. People have.

CHRISTOPHER
How high is it?

CHRIS
A few miles. Four miles maybe.

CHRIS (V.O.)
The next day, I took work off, and
we just went and sat in a field.

CHRISTOPHER
Where is Mt. Everest?

CHRIS
What country?

CHRISTOPHER
Yeah.
123.

CHRIS
Napal.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Far away from anything. Trumpet
kids. Guitars on fire. Ben
Cartwright. And my own constant,
ten-year-long disappointment in my
Ten Gallon Head... in my self.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Reflective, Hopeful, Resigned

Summary Chris successfully repairs a scanner in his shelter room and interacts with various individuals throughout San Francisco. He withdraws funds and decides to stay in a hotel with Christopher. The pair travel by bus and spend time at Golden Gate Park, where Chris reflects on his past experiences and newfound contentment.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Bond between Chris and his son

Weaknesses

Minimal external conflict
Limited plot progression

General Critique

The scene transitions from Chris fixing the scanner in the dark room to having an informal meeting with a young Bell executive and his colleagues, which feels a bit abrupt and disjointed.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher at the bus bench and on the city bus could be more engaging and meaningful to further develop their relationship and the emotional depth of the scene.
The transition from deciding to go to a hotel to sitting in the hotel room could be smoother to provide a better flow of events and emotions.
The interaction between Chris and Christopher in Golden Gate Park could be more impactful by delving deeper into their conversation about Mount Everest and tying it back to their current situation and emotions.
The internal monologue from Chris could be more integrated into the scene to provide a better insight into his thoughts and emotions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between fixing the scanner and the meeting with the young Bell executive to improve the flow of the scene.
Enhance the dialogue between Chris and Christopher to make it more poignant and reflective of their relationship and current circumstances.
Work on creating a seamless transition from deciding to go to a hotel to actually being in the hotel room to maintain the continuity of the scene.
Develop the conversation between Chris and Christopher in Golden Gate Park to make it more meaningful and emotionally resonant, tying it back to their journey and struggles.
Integrate Chris's internal monologue more effectively into the scene to provide deeper insight into his thoughts and feelings.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. PUBLIC SQUARE, SAN FRANCISCO - DAY

Chris sits in his now familiar spot on the fountain wall out
front of the Bell Western building. He’s finishing signing
some paper work with another young executive.

CHRIS
Thanks, Dean.

OTHER YOUNG EXECUTIVE
Thank you, Chris.

CHRIS
You’ll get these back in a week.
Then you’ll start getting
statements a couple weeks after
that.

OTHER YOUNG EXECUTIVE
Okay. Thanks, Chris. Take care.

CHRIS
Take care.

The guy heads off back to Bell Western.

CHRIS (V.O.)
Because when I was young, and I’d
get an A on a history test or
whatever, I’d get this good feeling
about all these things I could be.
And then I was never any of them.

Chris finishes up his part of the contracts.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I was gambling, during all this,
that I could get back on my way to
being one, which I guessed would
feel like happiness.

Before long, Jay Twistle walks up.
124.

TWISTLE
Hey.

CHRIS
Hi, Jay.

TWISTLE
Rumor has it you’ve signed thirty-
one accounts from Bell Western.

CHRIS
Yeah...

Jay smiles.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I met some guys at a ball game. I
got some cards. I worked them.

TWISTLE
(impressed)
I guess.

They sit quietly for a moment.

TWISTLE (CONT’D)
Well, there’s a week left before we
hire from the intern group. Are you
getting nervous?

CHRIS
(smiling)
I’m okay.

TWISTLE
Okay...

They become quiet again. Then Twistle offers Chris his hand.
Then Jay Twistle gets up and goes. Chris sits on the fountain
wall by himself.

INT. BOARD ROOM, DEAN WITTER - DAY

The same group of partners that accepted Chris to the intern
program sits around their conference table. After a while,
Chris comes in.

FIRST PARTNER
Hi, Chris.

CHRIS
Hi, Mr. Keane.
125.

Chris nods hello to the others.

FIRST PARTNER
Nice shirt.

CHRIS
(smiling)
Thanks...

FIRST PARTNER
Sit down, please.

Chris sits at the end of the table.

CHRIS
(smiling)
I thought I’d wear a shirt because
it’s the last day.

FIRST PARTNER
That’s good. Thanks. We appreciate
that.

Some time passes.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
Wear one tomorrow, though. Okay?

Chris looks across the table at the first partner.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
Because tomorrow’s going to be your
first day. If you’d like to work
here as a broker.

Chris doesn’t say anything.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
Would you like to work here?

Chris doesn’t speak right off. He’s getting himself together.

CHRIS
Yes.

FIRST PARTNER
Great. We couldn’t have been more
pleased. Welcome, Chris.

The others have stood up to congratulate and shake hands with
Chris. He’s risen as well.
126.

FIRST PARTNER (CONT’D)
Was it as easy as it looked?

Chris takes a little while to answer.

CHRIS
(smiling)
No...

Chris keeps shaking hands around the table.

INT. ELEVATOR, DEAN WITTER BUILDING - LATER

Chris rides down in an elevator crowded full of professional
men and women. Chris is in the way back, out of view of the
others because he’s crying.

EXT. MRS. CHU’S DAYCARE - LATER

Outside the building, Chris stands directly beneath the word
Happyness, waiting for his son. Chris looks real tired like
one might at the end of an ordeal, but he looks peaceful,
too.

Genres: Drama
Tone: Reflective, Hopeful, Emotional

Summary Chris signs paperwork and talks to Jay Twistle, who congratulates him on signing 31 accounts from Bell Western. He accepts a job offer from the partners at Dean Witter. Chris rides down in an elevator crowded with professional men and women, crying, but looking peaceful and tired when he waits outside Mrs. Chu's Daycare for his son.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Hopeful tone

Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Some pacing issues

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, leaving the audience hanging without a satisfying conclusion to Chris's journey.
The dialogue between Chris and the young executive feels a bit forced and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to delve into Chris's internal struggles and emotions.
The interaction between Chris and Jay Twistle is somewhat anticlimactic, with a lack of tension or emotional impact in their conversation.
The transition from Chris sitting alone on the fountain wall to the boardroom at Dean Witter feels abrupt and disjointed, making the scene feel disconnected.
There is a missed opportunity to explore Chris's internal conflict and emotional journey more deeply, leaving the scene feeling somewhat shallow.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a more impactful and emotionally resonant resolution to Chris's story, providing closure and satisfaction for the audience.
Enhance the dialogue between Chris and the young executive to reveal more about Chris's character, struggles, and growth throughout the screenplay.
Build up the interaction between Chris and Jay Twistle to create more tension and emotional depth, highlighting the significance of Chris's acceptance into the broker program.
Smooth out the transition between scenes to create a more cohesive flow and connection between the different moments in Chris's journey.
Delve deeper into Chris's internal conflict and emotional journey, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his character and experiences.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. BUS BENCH, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER

They’re waiting for the bus together. Christopher’s coloring.
Chris is just sitting there. The bus comes. It blocks them
from view. After a while, it leaves. The two are still
sitting there.

CHRISTOPHER
The bus came.

CHRIS
(looking over at it)
Oh...

CHRISTOPHER
Didn’t you see it?

CHRIS
No... I was thinking of stuff.

CHRISTOPHER
(meaning what was he
thinking of)
What?

CHRIS
Just stuff. Grown up things. Don’t
worry about it.
127.

Christopher looks down the block at the bus.

CHRISTOPHER
Do you want to run up and get it?

CHRIS
No... I don’t want to run anywhere
for a while.

He takes Christopher’s hand. He smiles at his son.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(kidding)
Are you in a hurry to get
somewhere?

CHRISTOPHER
No, I don’t want to run either.

CHRIS
Okay. Let’s just sit here.

CHRISTOPHER
Okay.

They remain there for a while, holding hands. A period of
time goes by while they sit together. Then a scroll begins to
play over the image; it reads:

Chris Gardner remained in San Francisco with his son. He left
Dean Witter after six years to found the investment firm
Gardner Rich. Their assets in 2005 were 184 million dollars.
After Christopher’s graduation from college, Chris moved his
business to Chicago where he and Christopher live today.

CREDITS BEGIN.

Genres: drama, family
Tone: reflective, nostalgic, emotional

Summary Father and son Chris and Christopher miss the bus while waiting at a bus bench. The father offers to chase after it, but the son is unmotivated and they decide to stay put. They sit in silence until a scroll appears, revealing their future success.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Authentic character relationships
Powerful themes of family and perseverance

Weaknesses

Minimal dialogue
Limited plot progression

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear resolution or emotional payoff after the buildup of the entire screenplay. It feels like a missed opportunity to provide closure or a poignant moment between Chris and his son.
The dialogue between Chris and Christopher is somewhat vague and lacks depth. It could benefit from more meaningful interaction or a heartfelt conversation to convey the bond between them.
The scene could have explored Chris's internal struggles or reflections on his journey more explicitly. This would have added depth and emotional resonance to the conclusion of the screenplay.
There is a lack of visual storytelling or impactful imagery in the scene. Adding visual elements or symbolic gestures could have enhanced the emotional impact of the final moments.
The scroll at the end feels like an abrupt way to wrap up the story. It would have been more effective to show the audience the outcome through a meaningful interaction or moment between Chris and his son.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a heartfelt conversation or a moment of connection between Chris and Christopher to provide a more satisfying conclusion.
Enhance the dialogue to reflect the emotional journey of the characters and convey a sense of closure or growth.
Explore Chris's internal thoughts or reflections on his experiences to add depth and resonance to the scene.
Introduce visual elements or symbolic gestures to enhance the emotional impact and create a more memorable ending.
Instead of using a scroll, consider showing the audience the outcome through a meaningful interaction or moment between Chris and his son to provide a more impactful conclusion.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

the pursuit of happyness

Executive Summary

Pass/Consider/Recommend/Highly Recommend

Engine: Gemini

Recommend

Engine: GPT4

Recommend

Promo

Overview

Market Analysis

Scene Level Percentiles

Script Level Percentiles

Emotions Elicited Percentiles

Writer's Voice

Story Shape

Emotions Elicited

Engine: Gemini

Recommend

Executive Summary

Engine: Claude

Recommend

Executive Summary

Engine: GPT4

Recommend

Executive Summary

Screenplay Insights:

Screenplay Story Analysis

Christopher - Score: 84/100

Role

Scenes

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Scene Impact 9/10

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Chris - Score: 92/100

Role

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 9/10

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 10/10

Dialogue And Voice 9/10

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Relationship Dynamics 9/10