Witness
Executive Summary
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Promo
USP: Set against the backdrop of a close-knit Amish community, this captivating screenplay unfolds a tale of love, justice, and the clash between tradition and modernity. Through the journey of Rachel Lapp, a grief-stricken widow, and John Book, a dedicated detective, the narrative explores profound themes of moral dilemmas, personal growth, and the enduring power of human connection. With its rich characterizations, evocative imagery, and authentic portrayal of Amish life, this screenplay offers a refreshing and deeply moving cinematic experience.
Overview
Genres: Drama, Thriller, Crime, Romance, Mystery, Action, Family
Setting: 1850s-1980s, Lancaster County, Pennsylvania and Philadelphia
Overview: The screenplay 'Witness' earns a strong score of 7.85, reflecting its captivating premise, well-developed central characters, and effective exploration of contrasting worlds. The screenplay's strengths lie in its ability to portray the cultural clash between John Book's urban cynicism and the Amish community's peaceful resilience, creating a compelling narrative that resonates emotionally. However, opportunities exist to further deepen supporting characters' emotional arcs and enhance the narrative's unpredictability.
Themes: The tension between tradition and modernity, The importance of family and community, The power of forgiveness
Conflict and Stakes: John's struggle to clear his name after being falsely accused of a crime, with his family's reputation at stake
Overall Mood: The overall mood of the film is one of suspense and tension.
Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:
- Scene 7: The scene where John Book is discovered hiding in the Lapp farmhouse is suspenseful and tense.
Standout Features:
- Unique Hook: The clash between the Amish and English cultures provides a unique setting and source of conflict.
- Plot Twist : The revelation that John Book is a fugitive police detective adds a layer of suspense and intrigue.
- Cultural Exploration : The film explores the Amish way of life and the challenges of living in a close-knit community.
Comparable Scripts:
Market Analysis
Budget Estimate:$20-30 million
Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of drama and legal thrillers
Marketability: It has a strong central conflict, well-developed characters, and the potential to appeal to a wide audience.
The unique blend of genres and themes could make it stand out from other films in the marketplace.
Even with the potential for strong acting and a unique setting, the screenplay may not appeal to all audiences equally.
Profit Potential: High, due to strong appeal to a wide adult audience and potential for award nominations
Scene Level Percentiles
Emotions Elicited Percentiles
This is a rough estimate of how the average intensity of emotions elicited in this script compare to all scripts in the Vault (all genres).
Higher isn't necessarily better. This is FYI.
Screenplay Analysis
- Emotional Impact (81st percentile): The screenplay evokes strong emotional responses, indicating impactful storytelling.
- Conflict Level (69th percentile): Effective use of tension and obstacles that drive the narrative forward.
- Dialogue (22nd percentile): Consider enhancing the quality of dialogue to make characters more engaging and realistic.
- Pacing (13th percentile): The screenplay may benefit from adjusting its pacing to enhance the flow and tension of the story.
The writer demonstrates strengths in emotional depth and conflict creation, suggesting potential for character-driven and emotionally resonant storytelling.
Balancing Elements- Balancing Dialogue and Plot: Focus on improving dialogue quality while maintaining the strength in plot structure and conflict.
- Emotional Impact and Stakes: Explore ways to heighten the stakes and amplify the emotional impact of the story.
Integrated: The balanced percentile scores across concept, plot, character, and dialogue suggest an integrated writing style.
Overall AssessmentThe screenplay shows promise with its emotional resonance and compelling conflict. Refinements in dialogue and pacing could elevate the overall impact and engage audiences more effectively.
How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library
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|
Percentile | Before | After |
---|---|---|---|---|
Scene Emotional Impact | 8.2 | 78 | Inception: 8.1 | Terminator 2: 8.2 |
Scene Conflict Level | 8.1 | 69 | Gran Torino: 8.0 | fight Club: 8.1 |
Scene Character Changes | 7.1 | 67 | Cruel Intentions: 7.0 | Knives Out: 7.1 |
Scene High Stakes | 7.9 | 62 | Midsommar: 7.8 | Spy kids: 7.9 |
Script Premise | 8.25 | 58 | Avatar: 8.00 | the dark knight rises: 8.25 |
Scene External Goal | 7.25 | 52 | Charlie and The Choclate Factory: 7.24 | severance (TV): 7.25 |
Scene Plot | 7.9 | 50 | 2001: 7.8 | the 5th element: 7.9 |
Scene Story Forward | 8.1 | 49 | Inside Out: 8.0 | Erin Brokovich: 8.1 |
Script Theme | 8.25 | 48 | Stranger Things: 8.00 | the dark knight rises: 8.25 |
Script Emotional Impact | 7.75 | 46 | Inception: 7.50 | Erin Brokovich: 7.75 |
Script Structure | 8.12 | 45 | 12 Monkeys: 8.11 | Good Will Hunting: 8.12 |
Scene Characters | 8.2 | 45 | Hot Fuzz: 8.1 | face/off: 8.2 |
Scene Internal Goal | 8.02 | 43 | Swingers: 8.00 | the pursuit of happyness: 8.02 |
Script Structure | 7.75 | 35 | Inception: 7.50 | fight Club: 7.75 |
Scene Engagement | 8.90 | 31 | 2001: 8.88 | El Mariachi: 8.90 |
Scene Formatting | 8.06 | 30 | Charlie and The Choclate Factory: 8.05 | Casablanca: 8.06 |
Script Conflict | 7.50 | 30 | Zootopia: 7.25 | Casablanca: 7.50 |
Scene Unpredictability | 7.32 | 29 | Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 7.30 | Easy A: 7.32 |
Overall Script | 7.85 | 26 | Swingers: 7.83 | Witness: 7.85 |
Scene Originality | 8.38 | 26 | Stranger Things: 8.35 | Witness: 8.38 |
Scene Dialogue | 7.4 | 23 | Inside Out: 7.3 | face/off: 7.4 |
Script Characters | 7.75 | 20 | Inception: 7.50 | Blade Runner: 7.75 |
Scene Concept | 7.8 | 19 | Swingers: 7.7 | Erin Brokovich: 7.8 |
Script Originality | 7.75 | 19 | Cruel Intentions: 7.50 | Terminator 2: 7.75 |
Scene Overall | 8.1 | 18 | Swingers: 8.0 | Erin Brokovich: 8.1 |
Scene Pacing | 8.13 | 16 | Almost Famous: 8.12 | severance (TV): 8.13 |
Script Visual Impact | 7.25 | 14 | Breaking bad, episode 306: 7.00 | There's something about Mary: 7.25 |
Writer's Voice
Summary:The writer's voice in this screenplay is characterized by a blend of evocative descriptions, detailed characterizations, and a focus on emotional depth. The narrative direction is poetic and reflective, creating a somber and introspective tone.
Best representation: Scene 14 - Deadly Ambush in the Underground. Scene 14 is the best representation of the writer's voice because it combines all the key elements that define their unique style. The detailed description of the setting, the nuanced character interactions, and the exploration of moral dilemmas are all present in this scene. It also serves as a turning point in the story, as Rachel begins to question her beliefs and her relationship with John Book.
Memorable Lines:
- Book: I'm a police officer. I'm going to have to talk to the boy. (Scene 5)
- Book: My old friend and mentor, Paul Schaeffer, is dirty, stinking fucking dirty. (Scene 15)
- John Book: You're making a mistake. (Scene 33)
- Rachel: You have no right to keep us here. (Scene 7)
- Rachel: You'd better go. (Scene 24)
Writing Style:
The screenplay exhibits a blend of distinct writing styles, with a focus on creating tension, suspense, and emotional depth through character-driven narratives. The dialogue is sharp and often thought-provoking, with an emphasis on authenticity and realistic interactions.
Style Similarities:
- David Mamet
- Quentin Tarantino
- M. Night Shyamalan
- Christopher Nolan
- Kelly Reichardt
Story Shape
Emotions Elicited
Engine: Claude
Consider
Executive Summary
The screenplay for 'Witness' is a well-crafted drama that explores the themes of cultural clashes, personal growth, and the complexities of morality. The story follows a Philadelphia police officer, John Book, who is forced to go into hiding with an Amish woman, Rachel, and her young son, Samuel, after witnessing a murder involving corrupt police officers. The screenplay effectively balances action, suspense, and character development, as Book navigates the unfamiliar Amish way of life and is forced to confront his own preconceptions. While the screenplay has several strengths, such as the compelling character arcs and the authentic portrayal of Amish culture, it also has areas that could be improved, such as the pacing in certain sections and the need for more consistent thematic development. Overall, the screenplay is a strong contender that would likely appeal to a wide audience interested in character-driven dramas with elements of thriller and social commentary.
- The opening sequence and the funeral scene effectively establish the Amish setting and introduce the key characters, Rachel and her son Samuel, as well as the central conflict surrounding the death of Rachel's husband, Jacob. high ( Scene 6 (9) )
- The scenes depicting the Lapp family's journey from their Amish community to the city of Baltimore, and the subsequent culture shock experienced by Samuel, are well-executed and help to highlight the stark contrast between the two worlds. medium ( Scene 12 (14) Scene 13 (17) )
- The scenes in the Philadelphia train station, where Samuel witnesses a murder and Book's subsequent investigation, are well-paced and effectively ratchet up the tension and suspense. high ( Scene 20 (25) Scene 21 (30) )
- The scenes depicting Book's integration into the Amish community and his gradual acceptance of their way of life are well-written, highlighting the character's personal growth and the nuanced exploration of cultural differences. high ( Scene 28 (93B-93C) Scene 29 (93D-93H) )
- The climactic confrontation between Book, Schaeffer, and the Amish community is a well-executed, suspenseful sequence that brings the various narrative threads together in a compelling and satisfying manner. high ( Scene 41 (190-194) )
- The pacing of the scenes following the funeral, particularly the introduction of the various Amish characters, could be tightened to maintain a stronger narrative drive. medium ( Scene 7 (11) )
- The scenes depicting Book's investigation of the murder could be expanded upon to provide more depth and clarity to the underlying plot, particularly the connection between the corrupt police officers and the drug trade. medium ( Scene 24 (52C-52D) )
- The development of the relationship between Book and Rachel could be more consistently integrated throughout the screenplay, with the emotional connection between the two characters feeling a bit uneven at times. medium ( Scene 32 (114-116) )
- The screenplay could benefit from a clearer explanation of the larger conspiracy involving the corrupt police officers and the drug trade, as this seems to be a key element of the overall plot that is not fully explored. medium ( Scene 24 (52C-52D) )
- The screenplay could delve deeper into the cultural and religious differences between Book and the Amish community, exploring the nuances of their worldviews and how these differences shape the characters' motivations and decisions. medium ( Scene 32 (114-116) )
- The scene in which Book's delirium causes him to unleash a barrage of profanity is a notable moment that effectively highlights the contrast between his gruff, urban persona and the piety of the Amish setting. medium ( Scene 26 (80) )
- The scenes depicting Book's integration into the Amish community, including his participation in the barn-raising and his interactions with the Amish elders, are well-crafted and provide valuable insight into the Amish way of life. high ( Scene 29 (93B-93J) )
- The climactic confrontation between Book, Schaeffer, and the Amish community, with the Amish banding together to protect Book, is a powerful and emotionally resonant moment that underscores the screenplay's themes of community, morality, and the consequences of one's actions. high ( Scene 41 (190-194) )
- Cultural Nuance While the screenplay does a commendable job of depicting the Amish community and its customs, there are a few instances where the exploration of cultural differences could be more nuanced. For example, the scenes involving Samuel's interactions with modern technology (e.g., the escalator, the pay phone) could be further developed to more deeply examine the clash between Amish and English ways of life. medium
- Pacing Issues As noted in the 'Areas of Improvement' section, the pacing in certain sections of the screenplay, particularly the introduction of the various Amish characters following the funeral, could be tightened to maintain a stronger narrative drive. This suggests that the writer may still be developing their skills in balancing character development with overall pacing. medium
- Underdeveloped Subplots The screenplay's central plot involving the corrupt police officers and the drug trade could be more fully explored and integrated throughout the narrative. The lack of a more comprehensive treatment of this subplot suggests that the writer may still be learning how to weave multiple storylines together effectively. medium
Engine: Gemini
Recommend
Executive Summary
Witness is a compelling thriller screenplay that successfully blends a gritty crime story with a moving fish-out-of-water narrative. The script excels in its rich character development, particularly John Book's arc as he grapples with corruption within his department and finds solace in the Amish community. The clash of cultures is vividly depicted, creating both dramatic tension and heartfelt moments. The screenplay also boasts a strong sense of place, vividly capturing both the urban decay of Philadelphia and the idyllic tranquility of Lancaster County. While the pacing could be tightened in the middle section, the overall narrative arc is engaging and ultimately satisfying.
- The screenplay effectively creates two contrasting worlds: the brutal reality of Philadelphia's criminal underworld and the serene, community-driven life of the Amish. This contrast enhances the dramatic tension and highlights Book's internal struggle. high
- The screenplay excels in depicting the Amish community, showcasing their unique customs, beliefs, and way of life. The dialogue in Sequence 11 effectively introduces Daniel Hochstetler's character while also hinting at his atypical nature. The barn raising in Sequence 27 serves as a microcosm of Amish community life, showcasing their values and traditions. Rachel's internal conflict between her attraction to Book and her Amish beliefs is subtly but powerfully depicted in Sequence 34. high ( Scene 11 (11) Scene 27 (106) Scene 34 (125) )
- Samuel's journey from wide-eyed innocence to a more nuanced understanding of the world is effectively portrayed. His encounters with the English world in Sequence 5, his struggles with the concept of violence in Sequence 22, and his silent goodbye to Book in Sequence 32 are particularly well-written. medium ( Scene 5 (23A) Scene 26 (93K) Scene 32 (112) )
- The screenplay masterfully builds suspense, particularly in the scenes where Book's vulnerability is exposed. The betrayal by Schaeffer in Sequence 14 and the brutal interrogation of Carter in Sequence 30 are chilling and effective. high ( Scene 14 (59) Scene 30 (109) )
- The budding romance between Book and Rachel is handled with sensitivity and restraint. The scene in Sequence 20 where the Amish elders examine Book and the scene in Sequence 28 where they dance in the barn are both charged with unspoken attraction and cultural tension. medium ( Scene 20 (86) Scene 28 (100A) )
- While the screenplay effectively establishes Daniel's interest in Rachel, his character could be further developed. Adding scenes that delve deeper into his personality, motivations, and reactions to Book's presence would enhance the romantic subplot and provide more dramatic tension. For instance, expanding the scene in Sequence 12 where Daniel and his brothers help the Lapps with their work could provide insight into his character and his relationship with Rachel. Similarly, the scene in Sequence 23, where Daniel picks up Book for the barn raising, could be an opportunity to explore their rivalry more explicitly. medium ( Scene 11 (12) Scene 23 (93B) )
- The screenplay could benefit from tightening the pacing in the middle section, particularly after Book arrives at the Lapp farm. Some scenes feel repetitive, and the story could move forward with more urgency. medium ( Scene 19 (80) )
- The resolution of the conflict with Schaeffer and his corrupt officers feels somewhat rushed. The final confrontation could be given more weight and dramatic impact by exploring the internal struggle of the Amish community as they decide to intervene. The screenplay could also benefit from showing the aftermath of the event and its effect on the Lapp family and the community. medium
- While the screenplay hints at the corruption within the police department, it could be explored in greater depth. Adding scenes that showcase the systemic nature of the problem and the challenges Book faces as an internal affairs officer would add more complexity and realism to the story. low
- The screenplay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the moral dilemmas faced by both Book and Rachel. Book's decision to use violence despite being surrounded by pacifists and Rachel's struggle to reconcile her feelings for Book with her Amish beliefs could be given more focus. low
- The screenplay could benefit from a stronger visual language. While the descriptions are generally clear and concise, they could be enhanced with more evocative imagery and sensory details to further immerse the reader in the world of the story. medium
- The screenplay could benefit from a clearer thematic throughline. While the clash of cultures is effectively portrayed, other themes like violence, justice, and redemption could be more explicitly explored and integrated into the narrative. low
- The screenplay could benefit from a more compelling opening scene. The current opening, while visually striking, is somewhat slow-paced and lacks a strong hook to immediately engage the reader. low
- The screenplay deftly handles the transition between the contrasting worlds of the city and the Amish countryside, creating a distinct atmosphere for each location. high
- The screenplay's use of German dialect adds authenticity to the portrayal of the Amish community, further emphasizing the cultural divide between Book and his surroundings. medium
- The scene where Samuel silently hugs Book before his departure is a powerful and poignant moment that encapsulates the emotional core of the story. high ( Scene 32 (112) )
- Character depth of secondary characters The writer seems to focus heavily on the main characters, especially Book and Rachel. While they are well-developed, some secondary characters, like Daniel Hochstetler and the corrupt cops, could benefit from more backstory and inner life to make them more than just plot devices. medium
Engine: GPT4
Recommend
Executive Summary
The screenplay 'Witness' is a compelling blend of drama and thriller, set against the unique backdrop of the Amish community. It excels in character development, narrative strength, and thematic consistency. However, it could benefit from tighter pacing in certain areas and a more resolved ending.
- The opening sequence effectively establishes the Amish setting and introduces key characters with visual and auditory details. high ( Scene 1 (3-10) )
- The tension between Book and his superiors is well-portrayed, adding depth to his character and setting up the central conflict. high ( Scene 6 (31A) )
- The barn-raising scene showcases the Amish community's values and provides a moment of cultural immersion. medium ( Scene 27 (99) )
- The intimate moment between Book and Rachel is handled with sensitivity, highlighting their growing bond. high ( Scene 32 (113-114) )
- The climax involving the Amish community's non-violent resistance is powerful and thematically resonant. high ( Scene 40 (184-188) )
- The pacing in the middle sections drags, particularly during the scenes at Elaine's house. medium ( Scene 10 (45-49) )
- The transition from the city to the Amish community could be smoother and more impactful. medium ( Scene 16 (66-68) )
- The resolution feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more conclusive ending. high ( Scene 41 (190A) )
- The subplot involving Schaeffer's corruption could be more fleshed out to add depth to the antagonist. medium ( Scene 33 (119-119A) )
- The confrontation scenes could use more tension and stakes to heighten the drama. high ( Scene 35 (134-135) )
- A deeper exploration of the Amish community's perspective on the events could add more layers to the narrative. medium ( Scene general )
- More backstory on Book's past and motivations would help in understanding his character better. medium ( Scene general )
- The screenplay could benefit from more moments of levity to balance the intense drama. low ( Scene general )
- The authentic portrayal of the Amish community is a standout element. high ( Scene 1 (3-10) )
- The internal police politics add a layer of complexity to the narrative. medium ( Scene 6 (31A) )
- The barn-raising scene is visually and thematically rich. high ( Scene 27 (99) )
- The romantic tension between Book and Rachel is well-developed. high ( Scene 32 (113-114) )
- The climax involving the Amish community's non-violent resistance is a powerful moment. high ( Scene 40 (184-188) )
- Cultural Sensitivity While the screenplay portrays the Amish community with respect, it occasionally falls into stereotypes. More nuanced representation would enhance authenticity. medium
- Pacing Issues Certain sections, particularly in the middle, drag and could be tightened to maintain narrative momentum. medium
- Abrupt Resolution The ending feels rushed and lacks a satisfying conclusion, which can leave the audience feeling unfulfilled. high
Screenplay Insights:
Premise: 8.25, The screenplay presents a compelling fish-out-of-water premise with strong potential for audience engagement. The clash between the Amish community and the world of urban crime creates inherent intrigue. However, clarifying the stakes for John Book and further emphasizing the cultural clash could enhance the initial hook and long-term interest. See More
Structure: 7.75, The screenplay exhibits a well-structured plot that unfolds effectively, offering a blend of tension, Amish culture, and social commentary. However, some scenes lack narrative focus, impacting pacing and emotional depth. Additionally, the exploration of character arcs could be strengthened to enhance audience engagement. See More
Theme: 8.25, The screenplay effectively explores themes of faith, community, and the clash between tradition and modernity. It conveys meaningful messages about the importance of connection, forgiveness, and the search for purpose, which resonate with the audience and add depth to the narrative. See More
Visual Impact: 7.25, The screenplay effectively utilizes the inherent visual contrast between the Amish community and the modern world, creating a striking visual landscape. The juxtaposition of traditional Amish practices, clothing, and rural settings against the backdrop of urban Philadelphia provides a strong foundation for visually engaging storytelling. Notably, the scenes depicting Book's integration into the Amish community offer opportunities for rich visual humor and cultural commentary. See More
Emotional Impact: 7.75, The screenplay "Witness" effectively utilizes contrasting worlds and character arcs to create a compelling emotional journey. The clash between John Book's urban cynicism and the Amish community's peaceful resilience fuels emotional tension and growth. However, opportunities exist to further deepen the emotional resonance by exploring the internal conflicts of characters like Rachel and Samuel more explicitly, enriching their emotional arcs. See More
Conflict: 7.5, The screenplay effectively presents a central conflict between the traditional Amish way of life and the modern world, manifested through the journey of Rachel Lapp and John Book. It establishes significant stakes for the characters, particularly Rachel and her son Samuel, as they navigate threats to their safety and community. However, there are opportunities to enhance the clarity and resolution of the conflict, as well as to escalate the stakes further, which could strengthen the screenplay's overall narrative tension and audience engagement. See More
Originality: 7.75, This screenplay demonstrates originality and creativity in its authentic depiction of the Amish community, the exploration of moral dilemmas, and the portrayal of a hardened detective forced to confront his own beliefs. While the overall plot adheres to established thriller conventions, the film's setting and character dynamics introduce fresh perspectives that set it apart. See More
Screenplay Story Analysis
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Summaries
- An Amish procession of buggies arrives at a farmhouse for the funeral of Jacob Lapp. The family, including Rachel, Samuel, and Eli, grieves in silence as Bishop Tschantz delivers a eulogy in German, highlighting Jacob's absence and the sorrow of his passing. The scene conveys a somber and mournful atmosphere, with visual elements such as the coffin, buggies, and rows of mourners.
- Daniel Hochstetler, a charming Amish man, offers his condolences to Rachel Lapp at the post-funeral meal at the Lapp farmhouse. They discuss the deceased, Jacob Lapp, and his horse-buying habits. Hochstetler's attempts to connect with Rachel are met with a mix of awkwardness and awareness from the gathered women. The scene ends with Hochstetler joining Rachel and her family in preparing for spring ploughing.
- As the Hochstetler family transitions from the 18th to the 20th century, their horse-drawn buggy travels a busy interstate highway, symbolizing the changing times. Daniel Hochstetler meets Rachel at the train station, expressing interest, but Rachel hesitates. Eli cautions Rachel about the English, and the family boards the train, leaving Hochstetler behind.
- As the train departs Lancaster, Samuel waves goodbye to Hochstetler's wagon. The train traverses Pennsylvania's rural landscapes before passing Philadelphia's impoverished neighborhoods. Samuel expresses concern about the urban environment, but Rachel assures him of their destination in Baltimore. The train presses onward, leaving Philadelphia and its complexities behind.
- Samuel, a young Amish boy, witnesses a murder in a train station restroom. He hides as the killers search for witnesses, then identifies one of them to the police, but hesitates to name him, fearing for his and his mother's safety.
- At the site of a murder investigation at an airport, a tense confrontation ensues between Homicide Chief Donahue and undercover cop Book. Book demands control of the case, claiming a suspect and eyewitness. Donahue resists, suspecting Book's ambitions. Book threatens to escalate the matter, prompting Donahue to warn of potential negative consequences for Book's career. The scene concludes with Book walking away, asserting his claim on the case.
- Book informs Deputy Chief Schaeffer about a crucial witness who can shed light on Zenovitch's murder and P2P drug production. Schaeffer grants Book 24 hours to produce the witness and crack the case, after which it will be handed over to Homicide. With time running out, Book faces pressure to solve the case and prevent Homicide's involvement.
- Book and his team apprehend a suspect at the Happy Valley Bar, but he is not the killer. Book's brutal treatment of the suspect horrifies Rachel, who threatens to withdraw from the case. Book drives away, leaving Rachel behind.
- At Elaine's house, she confronts Book for bringing Rachel and Samuel without notice. Samuel expresses reluctance to stay, while Rachel prays over him. Book and Carter purchase breakfast at a drive-in.
- Samuel accidentally interrupts Elaine's morning encounter with Fred, leading to an awkward encounter. Meanwhile, Rachel tidies up Elaine's house, causing tension between the two women. Elaine's reaction and Fred's snide remark add further strain to the situation, culminating in Elaine's emotional outburst.
- In this scene, Elaine apologizes for her outburst and confides in Rachel about her feelings, while Rachel expresses concerns about Book's involvement with her son and the legal system.
- John Book and Samuel Lapp enter the Narcotics Division and request assistance from the Detectives. Book asks Sgt. Kaman for access to mug shot files and is told to return them in half an hour. Rachel, waiting in the outer office, observes the interaction from afar.
- After identifying Division Chief McElroy as the murderer, Samuel is comforted by Book, who conceals the accusation. As they drive away, Rachel expresses fear and demands an arrest. Book reassures her that he will make arrests once he gathers sufficient evidence.
- Book arrives at the Schaeffer's home and reveals to Schaeffer that Sergeant McElroy is involved in the theft of 500 gallons of P2P. Book requests more resources to clean up the situation. Schaeffer agrees and insists on keeping the information confidential. The scene ends with Book suggesting a hot shower and change of clothes.
- Book arrives home from work and notices a car following him. As he walks to his apartment, he hears footsteps behind him and the sound of a car door closing. Turning around, he sees a figure with a gun raised. The figure fires, but Book rolls out of the way and returns fire, hitting the figure, who is revealed to be McElroy. McElroy escapes, wounded, as the lift opens to reveal a couple who witness the gun battle.
- Elaine informs Rachel of John's urgent request for her departure. John examines an injury and gives secretive instructions to Elaine. Rachel and Samuel are hastily awakened. Book provides enigmatic instructions to Elaine. Carter examines a calendar with Rachel's information before being interrupted by plainclothesmen.
- Rachel drives Book to Eli's farm at sunrise. Book remains in the car while Rachel greets Eli and Samuel. Book refuses to come inside when Rachel invites him. Book drives away, fails to make a turn, and crashes the car in a field.
- Eli harnesses mules and drives away immediately. Rachel tries to clean Book's wound who recovers briefly and insists that he not be taken to a hospital because he is a fugitive and his presence might implicate Samuel. Rachel and Eli decide to hide him in the Lapp farmhouse instead. They hear Stoltzfus arriving and Eli demands that Book's gun be hidden. Stoltzfus examines Book's wound and recommends that he be taken to town, but Rachel wants to hide him to protect Samuel and Eli tries to reason with her. The scene ends with Rachel asking for help to find a way out of this crisis.
- Levi and Eli tow Book's car to the barn, with Samuel riding on the bumper, while Rachel waits to close the doors. Stoltzfus gives Rachel instructions on caring for Book. Rachel applies a poultice to Book's bare torso, but he recoils in alarm and begins uttering profanities. Rachel beats a hasty retreat, closing the door swiftly behind her.
- John Book awakens in an Amish sickroom, disoriented and weak. Visited by the Amish clergy, he inquires about his recovery. Despite his desire to leave, he's informed of his prolonged two-day stay due to his gunshot wound. As the clergy departs, Book succumbs to sleep.
- Samuel takes Mr. Book's gun without permission and points it at Rachel. Book teaches Samuel how to use the gun and gives the gun and bullets to Rachel. Book and Rachel have a disagreement over whether or not Samuel should be around Book, but agree to be friends.
- **Summary:** Eli and Samuel have a serious conversation about the Amish way of life and the use of guns. Eli believes that guns are for taking human life and that Samuel would become a bad man if he used one. Samuel argues that he would only kill a bad man, but Eli says that it is not up to Samuel to decide who is bad. Eli tells Samuel that he has changed and gone among the English, and that he must now come out from among them and be separate. Eli finishes by quoting from the Bible, saying that Samuel should not touch the unclean thing.
- Samuel prepares the buggy while Book observes. Rachel brings clothes for Book. She explains the community's rules and the location of the nearest phone. Despite Rachel's hesitation, Book insists on going to town to use the phone, resolving the conflict between his desire for communication and community norms.
- Rachel hands John his gun and bullets for his journey, but John struggles with fitting in as an Amish person and is awkward wearing their clothing. He gets a beer out of a bag in the grocery store and then receives a call from his partner telling him to stay put as it is too dangerous to return.
- Book attempts to work on his car when Eli confronts him about not contributing enough to the farm. Eli suggests that Book take over milking the cows, and despite his reluctance, Book eventually agrees. The scene concludes with Eli waking Book at 4:30 AM to begin his new duties.
- Book assists Samuel with milking the cows and witnesses Eli's expertise. Despite struggling initially, Book perseveres under Eli's guidance. Samuel pours the milk into a can, and the cows are set free to graze. Book admires the dawnfire's glow on the hilltops as Rachel summons them for breakfast. Daniel Hochstetler, Rachel's suitor, introduces himself to Book, whose response is reserved initially. Hochstetler interacts with Rachel, her attention briefly lingering on Book's presence. Book notes the aggressive behavior of a sow in the hog pen. The scene concludes with Book observing Rachel and Hochstetler sharing a pitcher of lemonade on the porch swing.
- Book showcases his carpentry skills at the Lapp farm, setting up a future challenge with Eli. Rachel offers to help with his trousers. Despite Rachel's health concerns, Book accepts Eli's barn-raising challenge.
- In a dark barn, Rachel and Book dance to English rock and roll music. Eli, furious, appears and condemns them for breaking Amish customs. Rachel defies him and leaves the barn proudly.
- Detective Carter warns Detective Schaeffer that the Amish man, John Book, plans to attack him. Meanwhile, at the Zook farm, Hochstetler tries to intimidate Book but is impressed by his strength and helps him finish the barn raising.
- In an abandoned warehouse, Carter is brutally tortured by four men led by McFee as loud music blares from a radio, obscuring his cries. The scene portrays the stark contrast between violence and tranquility.
- On a peaceful night, Book sits on his porch when Samuel approaches him unexpectedly and offers a tight hug. Book is deeply moved by the boy's gesture and responds with affection, saying, "Same to you, Sam." This tender moment highlights the emotional bond between them, creating a sense of peace and connection.
- Book is troubled and unable to sleep, so he goes downstairs to the kitchen where he finds Rachel undressing. Rachel notices Book's reflection and faces him with pride. The next morning, Book tries to talk to Rachel about their encounter, but she remains silent and distant, leaving their feelings unresolved.
- John Book learns of the death of his friend, Lieutenant Elton Carter, and confronts corrupt police officer Paul Schaeffer, suspecting his involvement. Schaeffer fears for his life as Book threatens him. Amidst the chaos, Book intervenes in an altercation between Amish men, aided by Eli Lapp. The scene climaxes with the arrival of the local police.
- Samuel plays with a wooden toy while Rachel washes dishes and discusses Book leaving with Eli. Rachel lights the lamps as Eli enters. Rachel embraces Book in the driveway and they make love in the field. Suddenly, a car with armed men, led by Schaeffer, arrives at the farmhouse looking for Book, causing fear and tension for Rachel.
- Eli is attacked by Schaeffer while working in his kitchen. McFee arrives too late to prevent the attack, and Eli is left bleeding from a head wound.
- In a desolate barn, Book's attempt to start a car fails. Fergie circles the barn while Mcree searches for an entrance below. The sound of the starter motor leads Fergie to the car, but Book escapes through a trapdoor, hiding from Fergie's sight. Fergie's search continues, with a tense confrontation in the dimly lit lower level, where he discovers a workshop and grain silo. Meanwhile, Book remains concealed within the grain silo, his face etched with desperation as Fergie's presence intensifies the suspense.
- Fergie enters the silo, unaware of Book's presence above. Book triggers a trap door, unleashing a torrent of grain that buries Fergie alive. McFee arrives to find the culprit escaped.
- Rachel unlocks and loads a gun but is persuaded by Eli to put it down. Samuel appears and Eli signals him to pull the bell-rope. Eli, Rachel, and Schaeffer exit the kitchen, with Schaeffer holding them hostage and pointing a gun at them.
- Samuel retrieves a gun while Book confronts McFee in the barn. Book shoots McFee, and Schaeffer threatens Rachel. A bell tolls as the scene concludes.
- Sam rings the bell, summoning the Amish. Schaeffer holds Rachel hostage, but the community confronts him. A tense standoff ensues, resolved when Book disarms Schaeffer.
- As detectives investigate a tragic event at the Lapp farm, Book bids farewell to his family and community. Dressed in both Amish and city attire, he reflects on his past and the path he must now take. With a heavy heart, he departs, leaving behind loved ones who watch him go with a mix of sorrow and well wishes.
- As Book drives along a dirt road, he encounters Hochleitner, his rival, in a buggy. Book slows down and Hochleitner briefly tips his hat. Book turns to look back at Hochleitner with a doubtful expression, creating a tense and uncertain atmosphere.
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Character Rachel
Description Rachel's character undergoes significant shifts. She starts as a devout Amish woman, resistant to English ways. However, she dances with Book, becomes jealous of Hochstetler, and ultimately considers using a gun, contradicting her initial beliefs and pacifist nature. These changes feel driven by plot needs rather than organic character development.
( Scene 25 (93E) Scene 28 (100A) Scene 33 (118) Scene 34 (128) Scene 38 (172) ) -
Character Book
Description While recovering at the Lapp farm, Book displays an attraction towards Rachel. However, his actions sometimes contradict this. He makes a crude joke about a cow's teat, and later watches Rachel undress without her consent. This behavior clashes with his growing respect for Amish values and his affection for Rachel.
( Scene 22 (93K) Scene 32 (113) )
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Description Book tells Elaine to get rid of Rachel's name from his calendar, claiming it's for her safety. However, he calls Carter later, revealing Schaeffer's betrayal and his own location. This inconsistency exposes Rachel and Samuel to danger unnecessarily.
( Scene 16 (66A) Scene 17 (69) ) -
Description The Amish are portrayed as avoiding modern technology, yet Eli uses a car battery to help Book charge his. While this could be explained by necessity, it creates a slight inconsistency with the established Amish lifestyle.
( Scene 20 )
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Description Book finds Fergie's shotgun empty but conveniently locates extra shells in his pockets. This feels contrived to move the plot forward, as it's unlikely Fergie would carry loose shells.
( Scene 39 (183) ) -
Description The Amish community responds to Samuel's bell ringing, confronting Schaeffer. However, in the following scene, no Amish are present when the police arrive. Their sudden disappearance is unexplained.
( Scene 40 (188) Scene 41 (190B) )
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Description The Undersheriff's dialogue with Schaeffer feels overly comedic and stereotypical. His portrayal of Amish culture, while accurate, leans heavily on cliches for humorous effect.
( Scene 20 (84) )
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Element Book's escape and Schaeffer's pursuit
( Scene 16 Scene 17 Scene 20 Scene 21 )
Suggestion The sequences showing Book's escape and Schaeffer's attempts to find him could be streamlined. The repeated phone calls and near misses create a sense of repetition. Condensing these sequences would maintain tension while increasing narrative efficiency.
Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:
Character | Arc | Critique | Suggestions |
---|---|---|---|
Rachel Lapp | Rachel Lapp's character arc in the screenplay follows her journey from a grieving widow struggling to balance her emotions and community expectations to a strong and resilient woman who finds the courage to break free from the constraints of her Amish beliefs. Throughout the story, Rachel learns to embrace her longing for something beyond her current circumstances and ultimately finds a sense of empowerment and freedom. | The character arc for Rachel Lapp is well-developed and provides a compelling narrative for her growth and transformation. However, there could be more emphasis on her internal struggles and the conflicts she faces within her community. Additionally, exploring her relationship with her son Samuel and the impact of her grief on their bond could add depth to her character arc. | To improve the character arc for Rachel Lapp, consider delving deeper into her internal conflicts and the challenges she faces in reconciling her Amish beliefs with her personal desires. Develop her relationship with her son Samuel to showcase the emotional stakes involved in her journey towards empowerment. Additionally, explore the complexities of her interactions with Daniel to add layers to her character development. |
Rachel | Rachel's character arc in the screenplay follows her journey from a grieving yet composed woman to a strong and defiant individual who stands up for her beliefs and values. Throughout the story, Rachel grapples with the clash between tradition and modern challenges, ultimately finding the courage to challenge authority and protect her loved ones. Her arc culminates in a moment of defiance where she takes a stand for justice, showcasing her inner strength and resilience. | Overall, Rachel's character arc is well-developed and engaging, showcasing her growth and transformation throughout the story. However, there could be more emphasis on her internal conflict between tradition and personal desires, adding depth to her character development. Additionally, exploring her relationship with her son and the impact of her decisions on him could further enhance the emotional resonance of her arc. | To improve Rachel's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that delve into her internal struggle between tradition and personal desires. Show how this conflict impacts her relationships with other characters, particularly her son and potential romantic interests. Additionally, explore moments of vulnerability and emotional growth to highlight the complexity of her character. By adding depth to Rachel's internal journey, her arc will resonate more strongly with the audience. |
Samuel | Samuel starts off as an innocent and sheltered Amish boy, but after witnessing a violent crime, he is forced to confront the harsh realities of the world outside his community. As he navigates through the ethical dilemmas and struggles to reconcile his beliefs with the violence he encounters, Samuel undergoes emotional growth and moral discovery. He ultimately learns to make difficult decisions and finds a balance between his Amish upbringing and the outside world, emerging as a more mature and understanding individual. | The character arc for Samuel is well-developed, showcasing his growth and internal conflicts effectively. However, to further enhance his arc, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into his emotional journey and the impact of his experiences on his relationships with other characters. Additionally, providing more insight into Samuel's thoughts and feelings through his actions and dialogue can help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level. | To improve the character arc for Samuel, consider incorporating more scenes that highlight his emotional struggles and growth. Show how his relationships with other characters, especially John Book, evolve throughout the story. Develop his internal conflicts further by exploring his thoughts and feelings in moments of decision-making. Additionally, consider adding moments of vulnerability and strength to showcase the complexity of his character and make his journey more compelling for the audience. |
Book | John Book starts as a seasoned and no-nonsense police officer, driven by a desire for justice and career advancement. Throughout the story, he faces moral dilemmas and personal conflicts, ultimately leading to a transformation where he learns to balance his duty as a cop with his personal morals. By the end, Book emerges as a more compassionate and empathetic character, willing to make sacrifices for the greater good. | The character arc for John Book is well-developed, showcasing his growth and internal struggles. However, there could be more emphasis on his emotional journey and the impact of his decisions on his relationships with other characters. Additionally, the arc could benefit from more nuanced exploration of Book's internal conflicts and the consequences of his actions. | To improve the character arc, consider adding more scenes that delve into Book's emotional turmoil and the complexities of his relationships with other characters. Show more internal monologues or moments of introspection to highlight his internal struggles and moral dilemmas. Additionally, explore the consequences of his actions in more depth to create a more impactful and resonant character arc. |
John Book | John Book starts as a tough and determined detective driven by a desire for justice and career advancement. However, as he is forced to adapt to life in an Amish community, he begins to question his beliefs about violence and justice. Through his interactions with the community, he learns to embrace vulnerability and empathy, ultimately finding a balance between his duty as a law enforcer and his respect for the Amish way of life. | The character arc for John Book is well-developed, showcasing his growth and internal struggles throughout the feature. However, there could be more emphasis on his emotional journey and the transformation of his moral compass. Additionally, more nuanced exploration of his relationships with other characters could add depth to his arc. | To improve the character arc, consider incorporating more internal monologues or reflective moments for John Book to delve deeper into his conflicting emotions and moral dilemmas. Explore his relationships with other characters, particularly the Amish community, to highlight the impact they have on his growth. Additionally, consider adding subtle foreshadowing or hints of his transformation earlier in the screenplay to enhance the payoff of his character arc. |
Schaeffer | At the beginning of the screenplay, Schaeffer is introduced as a respected police chief with a strategic approach to law enforcement. However, as the story progresses, his true corrupt and manipulative nature is revealed. He becomes more power-hungry and willing to do whatever it takes to achieve his goals, ultimately posing a significant threat to the Amish community. In the climax, Schaeffer's actions catch up to him, leading to his downfall and eventual arrest for his crimes. | The character arc for Schaeffer is well-developed, showcasing a gradual descent into corruption and villainy. However, to enhance the impact of his downfall, more emphasis could be placed on his relationships with other characters, particularly those he manipulates and controls. This would add depth to his character and make his ultimate downfall more satisfying for the audience. | To improve the character arc for Schaeffer, consider adding scenes that delve into his backstory and motivations for his corrupt behavior. This could provide insight into why he is willing to go to such lengths to maintain power and control. Additionally, exploring the consequences of his actions on the Amish community in more detail would heighten the stakes and make his downfall more impactful. Finally, consider incorporating moments of vulnerability or internal conflict for Schaeffer to add complexity to his character and make him more relatable to the audience. |
Eli | Eli starts off as a strict and traditional elder, guiding his family and community with a firm hand. However, as he faces challenges and confrontations, he learns to balance his strong beliefs with compassion and understanding. Through his interactions with outsiders and difficult situations, Eli evolves into a more open-minded and empathetic figure, ultimately becoming a source of strength and wisdom for the entire community. | The character arc for Eli is well-developed, showing a clear progression from a strict traditionalist to a more compassionate and understanding figure. However, to enhance the arc, there could be more specific moments or conflicts that challenge Eli's beliefs and force him to reevaluate his approach. This would add depth to his character development and make his transformation more impactful. | To improve the character arc, consider introducing a specific event or conflict that directly challenges Eli's beliefs and forces him to confront his own prejudices or biases. This could be a personal crisis within his family or a larger community issue that tests his values. By showing Eli's internal struggle and growth in response to these challenges, his transformation will be more compelling and resonate with the audience. |
Theme | Theme Details | Themee Explanation | ||||||||||||
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The tension between tradition and modernity | The film explores the conflict between the traditional Amish way of life and the modern world. The Lapp family struggles to maintain their traditions while also adapting to the changes that are happening around them. | This theme is reflected in the film's setting, which moves from the rural Amish community to the urban environment of Philadelphia. It is also reflected in the characters of Rachel Lapp and John Book, who represent the traditional and modern worlds, respectively. | ||||||||||||
Strengthening The tension between tradition and modernity:
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The importance of family and community | The film shows the importance of family and community in the Amish way of life. The Lapp family is very close-knit, and they support each other through difficult times. The Amish community also comes together to help Rachel and her son, Samuel. | This theme is reflected in the scenes where the Lapp family and the Amish community come together to help Rachel. | ||||||||||||
The power of forgiveness | The film explores the power of forgiveness, both in the context of the Amish community and in the relationship between Rachel and John Book. Rachel is able to forgive Book for his past mistakes, and Book is able to forgive himself for his role in the death of his friend. | This theme is reflected in the scenes where Rachel and Book talk about forgiveness and in the scene where Book is able to let go of his guilt. |
Screenwriting Resources on Themes
Articles
Site | Description |
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Studio Binder | Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters |
Coverfly | Improving your Screenplay's theme |
John August | Writing from Theme |
YouTube Videos
Title | Description |
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Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics | Screenwriting basics - beginner video |
What is theme | Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay. |
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script | Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts |
Goals and Philosophical Conflict | |
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internal Goals | The protagonist's internal goals evolved from processing grief and seeking comfort to navigating a changing world and finding a sense of belonging. |
External Goals | The protagonist's external goals evolved from honoring her husband's memory to surviving a life-threatening situation and protecting her family. |
Philosophical Conflict | The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the clash of traditional Amish values with modern societal norms, challenging the protagonist's beliefs in justice and morality. |
Character Development Contribution: The evolving internal and external goals challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values, leading to personal growth and self-discovery.
Narrative Structure Contribution: The protagonist's goals and conflicts drive the narrative forward, creating tension and suspense while exploring deeper themes of identity and belonging.
Thematic Depth Contribution: The protagonist's journey through internal conflict and external challenges adds thematic depth to the screenplay, exploring themes of tradition, survival, and the pursuit of justice.
Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Articles
Site | Description |
---|---|
Creative Screenwriting | How Important Is A Character’s Goal? |
Studio Binder | What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict |
YouTube Videos
Title | Description |
---|---|
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict | How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode. |
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great | By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes |
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals | By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy? |
Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | |||||||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Click for Full Analysis | Tone | Overall | Concept | Plot | Originality | Characters | Character Changes | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Opposition | High stakes | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure | |
1 - Amidst Grief: An Amish Funeral | Somber, Reflective, Respectful | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
2 - Condolences at the Lapp Farmhouse | Somber, Reflective, Light-hearted | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 6 | 4 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
3 - A Journey Through Time | Emotional, Awkward, Tender | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
4 - A Nostalgic Farewell | Sentimental, Reflective, Hopeful | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7.5 | 6 | 8 | 5 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
5 - Murder in the Men's Restroom | Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Serious | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
6 - Power Struggle at the Crime Scene | Tense, Confrontational, Serious | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
7 - Midnight Meeting | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Serious | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
8 - Violent Encounter at Happy Valley Bar | Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional, Violent | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
9 - Unexpected Arrival | Tense, Emotional, Confrontational | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
10 - The Morning After | Tense, Emotional, Dramatic, Confrontational | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
11 - Emotional Confrontations and Concerns | Tense, Emotional, Confrontational, Reflective | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
12 - Narcotics Division Request | Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
13 - Confrontation and Comfort | Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful, Dramatic | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
14 - An Explosive Revelation | Tense, Excited, Serious, Suspenseful | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
15 - Deadly Ambush in the Underground | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense, Emotional | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7.5 | 8 | |
16 - Urgent Departure | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 7 | |
17 - Sunrise at Eli's Farm | Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional, Grim | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | |
18 - Hiding Book | Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
19 - Book's Delirium and Profanities | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
20 - John Book Recovering from Gunshot Wound | Tense, Dramatic, Suspenseful, Emotional | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
21 - Samuel's Gun Lesson | Tense, Dramatic, Intense, Emotional | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
22 - Eli and Samuel's Conversation About Guns | Intense, Serious, Emotional | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
23 - Preparations and Phone Access | Tense, Serious, Emotional, Suspenseful | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
24 - Awkward Amish Encounter | Tense, Serious, Suspenseful, Awkward, Urgent | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
25 - An Imbalance of Labor | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
26 - Morning at the Barn | Serious, Tense, Reflective, Humorous | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
27 - Carpentry and Competition | Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Inquisitive | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
28 - Forbidden Dance | Tense, Emotional, Serious, Confrontational, Reflective | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
29 - The Barn Raising | Tense, Intense, Emotional, Serious | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
30 - Torture in the Warehouse | Tense, Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | |
31 - Samuel's Unexpected Hug | Tender, Reflective, Emotional | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 3 | 6 | 2 | 5 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
32 - Unspoken Longing | Tension, Intimacy, Conflict, Dramatic | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
33 - Confrontation at Groffdale General Store | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
34 - Dangerous Arrival | Intense, Emotional, Tense, Passionate, Suspenseful | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
35 - Eli's Attack | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
36 - Hide-and-Seek in the Barn | Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7.5 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
37 - Fergie's Demise in the Silo | Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional, Intense | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
38 - Hostage Situation | Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
39 - Clash at the Farm | Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional, Intense | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | |
40 - Confrontation at the Barn | Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional, Intense | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | |
41 - The Goodbye | Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
42 - Book and Hochleitner's Encounter | Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 5 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 |
Summary of Scene Level Analysis
Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.
Scene Strengths
- Intense conflict, emotional depth, high stakes
- Compelling plot progression
- Tension-building, emotional depth, character dynamics
- Authentic dialogue, well-defined characters, balanced tone
- Engaging dialogue, character development, tension and conflict
Scene Weaknesses
- Limited character development in this specific scene
- Lack of intense conflict
- Lack of external conflict
- Some pacing issues
- Some dialogue may feel slightly cliched or predictable
Suggestions
- Consider ways to increase character development in scenes with limited development
- Explore opportunities to increase the level of conflict in the plot
- Try to introduce external conflicts that can drive the plot forward
- Be mindful of pacing to avoid dragging or rushing certain parts of the story
- Work on developing more unique and original dialogue
- Physical environment: The screenplay depicts a diverse range of physical environments, including Amish communities, rural landscapes, urban centers, and a variety of indoor settings such as homes, offices, and warehouses. These environments are vividly described, with particular attention to the unique characteristics and atmosphere of each location.
- Culture: The film explores the clash between traditional Amish culture and modern society. The Amish characters are portrayed as living a simple and deeply religious lifestyle, while the English characters are depicted as more secular and materialistic. The screenplay delves into the tensions and conflicts that arise as these two cultures interact.
- Society: The screenplay presents a complex and nuanced portrayal of society. The Amish community is depicted as a close-knit and supportive group, but it is also shown to be governed by strict rules and traditions. The English characters, on the other hand, are shown to be more individualistic and less bound by tradition. The film explores the ways in which these different societal structures shape the characters' lives and relationships.
- Technology: The film depicts a range of technological elements, from the simple tools used by the Amish to the advanced weapons employed by the police. The use of technology is often contrasted between the Amish and English characters, with the Amish rejecting modern technology in favor of traditional methods and the English characters embracing technology as a way to improve their lives.
- Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology of the screenplay have a profound impact on the characters' experiences and actions. The Amish characters are shaped by their traditional lifestyle and beliefs, while the English characters are shaped by their modern outlook and values. The characters' interactions are often driven by the tensions between these two cultures.
- Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the overall narrative of the screenplay by creating a setting that is rich in conflict and tension. The clash between Amish and English culture provides the backdrop for a number of dramatic events, including a murder investigation, a police chase, and a violent confrontation. The world elements also help to develop the characters, as they are forced to navigate the challenges and obstacles posed by their surroundings.
- Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring the timeless themes of good versus evil, tradition versus modernity, and the search for redemption. The Amish characters represent the values of simplicity, humility, and community, while the English characters represent the values of ambition, individualism, and materialism. The film asks viewers to consider the strengths and weaknesses of both cultures, and to question the choices they make in their own lives.
Voice Analysis | |
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Summary: | The writer's voice in this screenplay is characterized by a blend of evocative descriptions, detailed characterizations, and a focus on emotional depth. The narrative direction is poetic and reflective, creating a somber and introspective tone. |
Voice Contribution | The writer's voice contributes to the script by enhancing the mood, themes, and depth of the story. The vivid imagery and emotional language draw the reader into the world of the characters, making them relatable and sympathetic. The writer's ability to capture the complexities of human nature and explore moral dilemmas adds weight and significance to the plot. |
Best Representation Scene | 14 - An Explosive Revelation |
Best Scene Explanation | Scene 14 is the best representation of the writer's voice because it combines all the key elements that define their unique style. The detailed description of the setting, the nuanced character interactions, and the exploration of moral dilemmas are all present in this scene. It also serves as a turning point in the story, as Rachel begins to question her beliefs and her relationship with John Book. |
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
Pattern | Explanation |
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High Stakes and Emotional Impact | Scenes with high stakes tend to have a higher emotional impact on the audience. |
Suspense and Emotional Impact | Suspenseful scenes also tend to have a higher emotional impact on the audience. |
Tense and Emotional | Tense scenes are often also emotionally charged, creating a powerful and immersive experience for the audience. |
Dramatic and Intense | Dramatic scenes often feature intense moments, further heightening the emotional stakes and keeping the audience engaged. |
Dialogue and Emotional Impact | Strong dialogue contributes significantly to the emotional impact of a scene, allowing characters to express their feelings and motivations in a compelling way. |
Writer's Craft Overall Analysis
The screenplay demonstrates the writer's strong storytelling abilities, particularly in creating engaging character dynamics, exploring moral dilemmas, and building tension and suspense. The writer's unique voice and perspective shine through in the detailed descriptions, evocative dialogue, and emotionally resonant moments. By studying the provided scene-by-scene analyses and implementing the recommended improvements, the writer can further refine their craft and enhance the overall quality of their writing.
Key Improvement Areas
Suggestions
Type | Suggestion | Rationale |
---|---|---|
Screenplay | 'The Screenwriter's Bible' by David Trottier | This comprehensive guide provides a solid foundation in screenplay formatting, structure, and industry best practices. |
Screenplay | 'Witness' screenplay by William Kelley and Earl W. Wallace | This screenplay serves as a valuable example of how to effectively portray Amish culture, explore moral conflicts, and create compelling character dynamics within a rural setting. |
Exercise | Dialogue-writing exercise: Practice writing dialogue-driven scenes that convey subtext, emotional depth, and conflicting motivations.Practice In SceneProv | Engaging in this exercise will help refine the writer's ability to create authentic and emotionally resonant dialogue. |
Video | Study films and videos that effectively explore cultural clashes and Amish traditions. | Visual analysis of successful storytelling techniques can provide valuable insights for handling similar themes and settings. |
Course | Consider enrolling in a screenwriting course or workshop | Structured learning and feedback from experienced instructors can accelerate the writer's development and provide guidance in specific areas of improvement. |
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
Trope | Trope Details | Trope Explanation |
---|---|---|
Romantic Subplot | The subplot involving Daniel Hochstetler's pursuit of Rachel Lapp. | A secondary love story that runs alongside the main plot and provides comic relief or romantic tension. |
Fish out of Water | Book is an outsider in the Amish community. | A character who is placed in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable environment and must learn to adapt. |
Forbidden Love | Book and Rachel's relationship is forbidden because of their different cultures. | A romance between two people who are from different social or cultural backgrounds and face obstacles to being together. |
Culture Clash | The conflict between the Amish and the English communities. | A conflict between two cultures with different values and beliefs. |
Redemption | Book's journey from a corrupt cop to a hero. | A character who has done wrong in the past and seeks to make amends. |
Badass Preacher | Eli Lapp, the Amish bishop, is a skilled fighter. | A religious figure who is also a skilled fighter or warrior. |
Child in Jeopardy | Samuel Lapp is a witness to a murder and is in danger. | A child character who is placed in danger and must be rescued. |
Corrupt Cop | Captain Terry Donahue is a corrupt police officer. | A police officer who is involved in criminal activity. |
Driven Detective | John Book is a driven detective who is determined to solve the case. | A detective who is obsessed with solving a case and will stop at nothing to do so. |
Heroic Sacrifice | Eli Lapp sacrifices himself to save Book. | A character who sacrifices their own life to save someone else. |
Memorable lines in the script:
Some Loglines to consider:
A Philadelphia police officer, forced to go into hiding with an Amish woman and her son after witnessing a murder, must confront his own biases and adapt to a completely foreign way of life to protect them from corrupt colleagues. |
When a police officer stumbles upon a conspiracy involving corrupt cops, he finds unlikely allies in an Amish family who harbor him from those he once trusted, forcing him to re-evaluate his own moral compass. |
A city cop on the run from his own department takes refuge with an Amish family, where he must navigate the unfamiliar cultural landscape and confront his own prejudices in order to survive. |
A cop's world is turned upside down when he witnesses a murder by his fellow officers and must seek refuge with an Amish community, where he learns invaluable lessons about community, faith, and what it means to be a good person. |
Forced to go on the run after witnessing a police murder, a Philadelphia cop finds unexpected sanctuary and personal transformation in the Amish community he initially despises. |
A hardened Philadelphia detective, forced to hide in Amish country after witnessing a murder, finds his cynical worldview challenged by the community's peaceful ways. |
When a young Amish boy witnesses a murder, a detective must protect him from corrupt cops while navigating the unfamiliar and peaceful world of the Amish. |
Torn between two worlds, a detective must choose between his duty to uphold the law and his growing feelings for an Amish woman who has sheltered him from danger. |
A fish-out-of-water thriller that explores the clash of cultures as a jaded detective seeks refuge in the serene world of the Amish, only to find himself drawn into a dangerous conspiracy. |
A love story set against a backdrop of violence and corruption, as a detective and an Amish woman find solace in each other's arms while facing impossible choices. |
A hardened detective finds refuge in an Amish community while protecting a young witness, but the clash of cultures and a relentless pursuit threaten to unravel everything. |
When a young Amish boy witnesses a brutal murder, a detective must hide in the boy's community to protect him, leading to a collision of worlds and values. |
In the serene world of the Amish, a detective on the run must navigate cultural divides and moral dilemmas to protect a young witness from a ruthless killer. |
A city detective and an Amish widow form an unlikely bond as they fight to protect her son, the sole witness to a murder, from a relentless criminal network. |
Caught between two worlds, a detective must rely on the peaceful Amish community to shield a young witness, but the violent world he left behind is never far away. |
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Engine: Claude
Consider
Explanation: The screenplay for 'Witness' is a well-crafted drama that explores the themes of cultural clashes, personal growth, and the complexities of morality. The story follows a Philadelphia police officer, John Book, who is forced to go into hiding with an Amish woman, Rachel, and her young son, Samuel, after witnessing a murder involving corrupt police officers. The screenplay effectively balances action, suspense, and character development, as Book navigates the unfamiliar Amish way of life and is forced to confront his own preconceptions. While the screenplay has several strengths, such as the compelling character arcs and the authentic portrayal of Amish culture, it also has areas that could be improved, such as the pacing in certain sections and the need for more consistent thematic development. Overall, the screenplay is a strong contender that would likely appeal to a wide audience interested in character-driven dramas with elements of thriller and social commentary.
Engine: GPT4
Recommend
Explanation: The screenplay 'Witness' is a compelling blend of drama and thriller, set against the unique backdrop of the Amish community. It excels in character development, narrative strength, and thematic consistency. However, it could benefit from tighter pacing in certain areas and a more resolved ending.