a few good men

Executive Summary

Pass/Consider/Recommend/Highly Recommend

This changed recently. Ratings are subjective. So you get two engines' ratings to compare.

Engine: Claude

Recommend

Explanation: The screenplay for 'A Few Good Men' is a well-crafted and compelling legal drama that delves into the complex world of military culture and the challenges of upholding justice. The narrative structure is strong, with a clear story arc, well-developed characters, and a compelling central conflict. The courtroom scenes are particularly well-written, with dynamic dialogue and effective character development. The screenplay explores themes of duty, honor, and the complexities of military culture in a thought-provoking and nuanced manner. While there are some areas that could be improved, such as the pacing of the early scenes and the exploration of the characters' emotional journeys, the overall strength of the screenplay makes it a strong candidate for consideration.

Engine: GPT4

Recommend

Explanation: The screenplay 'A Few Good Men' offers a compelling courtroom drama centered around themes of honor, duty, and the moral complexities of obedience. The narrative is well-structured with strong character arcs, particularly for Lt. Kaffee, who experiences significant personal growth. The climax is particularly strong, providing a satisfying resolution to the intense build-up.

See Full Analysis

Overview

Genres: Legal Drama, Thriller, Mystery, Drama, Legal, Military Drama, Military, Comedy, Courtroom Drama, Character Drama, Character Study, Romantic Comedy

Setting: Present day, Guantanamo Bay, Washington D.C., Georgetown.

Overview: The screenplay for A Few Good Men receives an overall score of 8.1, reflecting its strong character development, compelling dialogue, and exploration of complex themes. However, there are opportunities to enhance the plot's unpredictability, deepen the emotional impact, and refine the pacing to further elevate the screenplay's quality.

Themes: Military Justice, Code Red, Honor, Duty

Conflict and Stakes: The conflict between the prosecution and the defense over the guilt or innocence of the Marines charged with murder. The stakes are high for both sides, as the prosecution is seeking a conviction and the defense is fighting for the lives of their clients

Overall Mood: The overall mood of the screenplay is one of tension and suspense.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

Scene 14: The scene in which Kaffee and Galloway confront Colonel Jessep about the Code Red is particularly tense and suspenseful, as the audience is unsure of whether or not Jessep will tell the truth.

Scene 18: The scene in which Kaffee cross-examines Colonel Jessep is another key scene, as it is here that Kaffee finally reveals the truth about what happened to Lance Corporal Santiago.

Scene 24: The scene in which Dawson and Downey are found not guilty of murder is a moment of relief and triumph, but it is also bittersweet, as the audience is aware of the sacrifices that have been made.

Standout Features:

Unique Hook: The screenplay is set in the unique and controversial setting of Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Plot Twist : The revelation that Colonel Jessep ordered the Code Red that led to the death of Lance Corporal Santiago is a major plot twist that will keep audiences on the edge of their seats.

Distinctive Setting : The screenplay is set in a variety of locations, including Guantanamo Bay, Washington D.C., and Georgetown. This gives the film a sense of scope and scale.

Innovative Idea : The screenplay explores the timely and relevant theme of honor and duty in the military.

Unique Characters : The screenplay features a cast of well-developed and complex characters.

Genre Blend : The screenplay blends the genres of legal thriller, drama, and war film.

Comparable Scripts:

A Few Good Men

The Caine Mutiny

The Deer Hunter

Platoon

The Hurt Locker

Zero Dark Thirty

The Post

12 Angry Men

To Kill a Mockingbird

The Shawshank Redemption

Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$30-40 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of drama and legal thrillers

Marketability: The screenplay has a strong central conflict, well-developed characters, and a timely and relevant theme. It has the potential to appeal to a wide audience and generate buzz.

The screenplay has a strong cast of characters, a well-paced plot, and a unique setting. It has the potential to appeal to a wide audience, but it may not be as commercially successful as other legal thrillers.

The screenplay has a strong central conflict and a timely and relevant theme. However, the plot is somewhat predictable and the characters are not as well-developed as they could be. It has the potential to appeal to a niche audience, but it may not be as commercially successful as other legal thrillers.

Profit Potential: High, due to strong appeal to a wide adult audience and potential for award nominations.

Scene Level Percentiles

The screenplay excels in dialogue but could benefit from enhancements in character development, emotional impact, and pacing to create a more balanced and engaging narrative.

Script Level Percentiles

**The method of calculating these has just changed**
Characters: 7.6 See More
Premise: 8.6 See More
Structure: 8.2 See More
Theme: 9.3 See More
Visual Impact: 8.2 See More
Emotional Impact: 8.3 See More
Conflict: 8.2 See More
Originality: 7.7 See More

Emotions Elicited Percentiles

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."
This is a rough estimate of how the average intensity of emotions elicited in this script compare to all scripts in the Vault (all genres).
Higher isn't necessarily better. This is FYI.

Key Strengths

Dialogue is ranked very highly (91.87%), indicating that the screenplay's dialogue is likely engaging, natural, and authentic.

Areas for Improvement

Character development could be strengthened, as indicated by the lower percentile ranking (35.37%).
Emotional impact could be enhanced to create a more resonant and emotionally engaging experience for the audience (31.3%).
The pacing of the screenplay might need attention, as it ranks lower in that aspect (37.36%).

Writer Style

The writer may have a focus on creating natural and engaging dialogue, as indicated by the high percentile ranking in that area.

Balancing Elements

To improve the balance of the screenplay, focus on developing more well-rounded characters and enhancing the emotional impact of the story while maintaining the strength in dialogue.

Intuition Level

The percentile rankings suggest an integrated writer, with a balance between intuitive elements (high dialogue and character development) and conceptual elements (moderate plot and concept development).

Overall Assessment

The screenplay shows promise, particularly in the area of dialogue, but would benefit from further development in characterization, emotional impact, and pacing to reach its full potential.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Script Theme	9.30	99	Enemy of the State: 9.20	a few good men: 9.30
Scene Dialogue	8.4	92	The King's speech: 8.3	a few good men: 8.4
Script Emotional Impact	8.30	87	Promising young woman: 8.20	fight Club: 8.30
Script Conflict	8.20	85	Parasite: 8.00	the dark knight rises: 8.20
Script Visual Impact	8.20	84	Jojo rabbit: 8.10	the boys (TV): 8.20
Script Structure	8.31	81	500 days of summer: 8.30	a few good men: 8.31
Scene Internal Goal	8.17	79	LA confidential - draft: 8.16	a few good men: 8.17
Script Structure	8.20	79	Ex-Machina: 8.10	Erin Brokovich: 8.20
Script Premise	8.60	75	The Fabelmans: 8.50	a few good men: 8.60
Scene High Stakes	8.2	73	Ex-Machina: 8.1	Titanic: 8.2
Scene Formatting	8.29	72	500 days of summer: 8.28	a few good men: 8.29
Scene Story Forward	8.4	71	Parasite: 8.3	a few good men: 8.4
Scene Conflict Level	8.0	68	12 years a slave: 7.9	a few good men: 8.0
Scene External Goal	7.40	68	Narcos Pilot: 7.39	a few good men: 7.40
Scene Pacing	8.29	55	Knives Out: 8.27	a few good men: 8.29
Scene Unpredictability	7.52	53	Fargo Pilot: 7.51	a few good men: 7.52
Scene Originality	8.71	51	Emilia Perez : 8.70	a few good men: 8.71
Overall Script	8.10	51	Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 8.06	the pursuit of happyness: 8.10
Scene Plot	8.0	49	Triangle of sadness: 7.9	True Blood: 8.0
Scene Engagement	8.94	43	Argo: 8.93	the boys (TV): 8.94
Scene Character Changes	6.8	36	Midnight in Paris: 6.7	True Blood: 6.8
Scene Concept	8.0	30	Poor Things: 7.9	a few good men: 8.0
Scene Overall	8.2	28	Ted: 8.1	a few good men: 8.2
Script Originality	7.70	26	September 5: 7.60	a few good men: 7.70
Scene Characters	8.1	26	Memento: 8.0	the pursuit of happyness: 8.1
Script Characters	7.60	19	Witness: 7.50	severance (TV): 7.60
Scene Emotional Impact	7.2	19	Ted: 7.1	the 5th element: 7.2

Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by sharp, witty dialogue, realistic character interactions, and a focus on moral dilemmas. The dialogue is fast-paced, engaging, and filled with tension, reflecting the complex dynamics between characters.

Best representation: Scene 1 - Jo's Request. This scene is the best representation because it showcases the writer's sharp dialogue, realistic character interactions, and focus on moral dilemmas. The fast-paced and engaging dialogue sets the tone for the screenplay, highlighting the tension and complexity of the relationships between the characters.

Memorable Lines:

Jessep: You can't handle the truth! (Scene 44)
Jessep: You're goddamn right I did. (Scene 45)
Kaffee: You're dismissed. (Scene 5)
Jessep: You gotta ask me nicely. (Scene 17)
Kaffee: Fuck you, Harold. (Scene 18)

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a predominant style characterized by sharp and engaging dialogue, complex character dynamics, and morally ambiguous scenarios. The writing effectively conveys tension and conflict through intense confrontations and thought-provoking dilemmas, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Style Similarities:

Aaron Sorkin
David Mamet

Other Similarities: The screenplay also showcases elements of other writing styles, including the witty banter and romantic undertones of Nora Ephron, and the legal thriller elements and courtroom drama of John Grisham. However, the dominant influence of Sorkin and Mamet is consistently present throughout the screenplay, shaping its overall style and narrative.

Story Shape

Emotions Elicited

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'A Few Good Men' is a well-crafted and compelling legal drama that delves into the complex world of military culture and the challenges of upholding justice. The narrative structure is strong, with a clear story arc, well-developed characters, and a compelling central conflict. The courtroom scenes are particularly well-written, with dynamic dialogue and effective character development. The screenplay explores themes of duty, honor, and the complexities of military culture in a thought-provoking and nuanced manner. While there are some areas that could be improved, such as the pacing of the early scenes and the exploration of the characters' emotional journeys, the overall strength of the screenplay makes it a strong candidate for consideration.

Strengths

The screenplay has a strong narrative structure, with a clear story arc, well-developed characters, and a compelling central conflict. high
The courtroom scenes are particularly well-written, with dynamic dialogue and effective character development. high ( Scene 19 Scene 20 Scene 21 Scene 22 Scene 23 Scene 24 Scene 25 Scene 26 )
The screenplay explores themes of duty, honor, and the complexities of military culture in a thought-provoking and nuanced manner. high
The opening scenes effectively establish the story's setting, characters, and central conflict. medium ( Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 Scene 5 )
The climactic courtroom scenes are well-paced and build to a powerful conclusion. high ( Scene 37 Scene 38 Scene 41 Scene 42 Scene 43 Scene 44 )

Areas of Improvement

Some of the early expository dialogue could be streamlined or delivered in a more organic way. medium ( Scene 5 Scene 10 )
The transition between the Washington Navy Yard and Guantanamo Bay could be smoother and more visually engaging. medium ( Scene 14 Scene 15 )
The screenplay could benefit from a deeper exploration of the emotional journeys and inner conflicts of the key characters, particularly Dawson and Downey. medium

MissingElements

The screenplay could be enhanced by the inclusion of more visual descriptions and cinematic moments to fully immerse the reader in the story's world. medium

NotablePoints

The final act of the screenplay, leading up to and including the climactic courtroom scenes, is exceptionally well-crafted and builds to a powerful and satisfying conclusion. high ( Scene 34 Scene 35 Scene 36 Scene 37 Scene 38 Scene 39 Scene 40 Scene 41 Scene 42 Scene 43 Scene 44 )
The screenplay's exploration of the complexities of military culture and the often competing priorities of duty, honor, and justice is a notable strength. high
The screenplay features a strong ensemble cast of well-developed characters, each with their own motivations and perspectives. high

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay 'A Few Good Men' offers a compelling courtroom drama centered around themes of honor, duty, and the moral complexities of obedience. The narrative is well-structured with strong character arcs, particularly for Lt. Kaffee, who experiences significant personal growth. The climax is particularly strong, providing a satisfying resolution to the intense build-up.

Strengths

The screenplay effectively builds tension and develops its characters, particularly in the courtroom scenes where the dialogue and interactions drive the narrative forward. high
The climax of the film in the courtroom is exceptionally well-written, providing a satisfying and dramatic resolution to the build-up of legal and moral conflict. high ( Scene 46 )
The cross-examination scenes are a showcase of sharp dialogue and strategic character positioning, highlighting Kaffee's growth as a lawyer. high ( Scene 34 Scene 35 )
The screenplay uses a strong narrative structure that keeps the audience engaged through clear conflict and compelling stakes. medium
The opening scenes set up the story's context and stakes effectively, providing a solid foundation for the unfolding drama. medium ( Scene 1 Scene 2 )

Areas of Improvement

Some scenes could be tightened to enhance pacing, particularly in the first act where the setup might feel slow to some audiences. medium
The screenplay could further explore the backgrounds and motivations of secondary characters to enhance the story's depth. low

MissingElements

The screenplay could benefit from more visual descriptions that enhance the cinematic quality of the scenes. medium

NotablePoints

The dialogue is sharp and memorable, contributing significantly to character development and the screenplay's overall impact. high

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Screenplay Insights:

Characters: 7.6, The screenplay showcases strengths in character development by presenting well-rounded characters with distinct motivations, flaws, and growth trajectories. The main character, Kaffee, undergoes a compelling transformation throughout the story, evolving from a detached lawyer to a passionate advocate for justice. However, the other characters' arcs could be further developed to enhance the emotional impact and relatability of the story. See More

Premise: 8.6, The screenplay for A Few Good Men presents a clear and compelling premise that effectively sets up a captivating legal drama centered around the complexities of military justice, the code of honor, and the pursuit of truth. The initial hook, involving the death of a marine and the subsequent investigation, immediately grabs the audience's attention. However, further exploration of the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters and the potential consequences of their actions could enhance the long-term intrigue and audience engagement. See More

Structure: 8.2, This legal drama possesses a well-structured plot and compelling narrative, effectively portraying the intricacies of the military justice system and moral dilemmas faced by its characters. While the screenplay adheres to traditional narrative structures, it also incorporates unexpected twists and turns that keep the audience engaged. The exploration of complex themes and character arcs enriches the story, but some areas could benefit from further refinement to enhance the emotional impact and pacing. See More

Theme: 9.3, The screenplay effectively explores and conveys significant themes through its compelling and nuanced narrative. The themes and messages are woven into the plot and character arcs with clarity and purpose, leading to a deep emotional and intellectual engagement with the audience. See More

Visual Impact: 8.2, This screenplay effectively utilizes vivid imagery to bring its story to life, immersing the reader in its compelling narrative. The visual descriptions provide a solid foundation for visual storytelling, capturing the intensity and emotional depth of the characters and events. See More

Emotional Impact: 8.3, The screenplay, though emotionally charged with a compelling narrative, misses key opportunities to fully harness its potential for profound emotional depth. While it succeeds in capturing raw emotions, character complexities, and key moments of emotional intensity, it falters slightly in delivering a highly nuanced and multifaceted emotional experience for the audience. See More

Conflict: 8.2, The screenplay's conflict and stakes provide a solid foundation for tension and audience engagement. The conflict between the defense and prosecution teams is well-defined and compelling, with the stakes significantly driving the narrative. However, there are opportunities to deepen the conflict and raise the stakes even further, leading to an even more engaging and suspenseful experience. See More

Originality: 7.7, This screenplay exhibits a strong foundation in originality and creative approaches, particularly through its exploration of complex moral dilemmas, the juxtaposition of idealism and pragmatism, and its unconventional character arcs. The narrative structure and storytelling techniques are largely conventional, but the screenplay's focus on character development and morally ambiguous situations elevates it beyond formulaic legal dramas. See More

Summary In this screenplay, Lieutenant Kaffee is reluctantly assigned as the lead counsel to defend Marines Dawson and Downey accused of killing PFC William Santiago in a code red case. As the trial progresses, Kaffee and his team uncover evidence that contradicts the prosecution's case, leading to a tense courtroom confrontation with Colonel Jessep. Ultimately, Jessep confesses to ordering the code red that resulted in Santiago's death, leading to his arrest. Despite their guilty verdict, Kaffee provides comfort to Dawson, emphasizing the importance of honor. The screenplay ends with Kaffee planning to work on a new case with Jo, hinting at a potential romance between them.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot of the screenplay is engaging and thought-provoking, exploring themes of loyalty, honor, and justice within the military setting. The story is well-paced, with a strong focus on character development and moral dilemmas. The courtroom drama adds tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the outcome of the trial. However, there are moments where the dialogue feels a bit heavy-handed, lacking subtlety in conveying the themes and conflicts. Additionally, some plot points could be further developed to enhance the emotional impact and depth of the story.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider adding more nuance to the dialogue to convey the themes and conflicts in a more subtle manner. Develop certain plot points further to provide a deeper exploration of the characters' motivations and internal struggles. Additionally, consider incorporating more twists and turns in the story to keep the audience guessing and engaged until the very end.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The beginning of the screenplay sets up the central conflict effectively, introducing the key characters and establishing the tone and themes of the story. The opening scenes at Guantanamo Bay and Washington Navy Yard provide a strong foundation for the narrative, setting the stage for the courtroom drama to come. However, there are moments where the exposition feels a bit heavy-handed, lacking subtlety in conveying the characters' backgrounds and motivations.

Suggestions: To improve the beginning of the screenplay, consider incorporating more visual storytelling techniques to convey information about the characters and their relationships. Show, rather than tell, the audience about the dynamics between the key players and the stakes involved in the case. Additionally, focus on building tension and intrigue from the very start to hook the audience and keep them engaged.

Middle The middle part of the screenplay delves deeper into the investigation and preparation for the trial, building tension and suspense as new evidence comes to light. The character arcs of Kaffee, Jo, and Sam are well-developed, showing growth and evolution as they navigate the complexities of the case. The courtroom scenes are engaging and thought-provoking, adding layers to the central conflict and raising questions about loyalty, honor, and justice within the military.

Suggestions: To enhance the middle part of the screenplay, consider adding more twists and turns in the investigation to keep the audience guessing. Develop the relationships between the characters further to add depth and complexity to their interactions. Explore the moral dilemmas faced by the protagonists in more detail, highlighting the internal struggles and ethical challenges they encounter throughout the trial.

Ending The ending of the screenplay delivers a satisfying resolution to the central conflict, with the verdict of the trial providing closure to the story. The character arcs of Dawson, Downey, and Jessep come to a compelling conclusion, showcasing the impact of their choices and actions on the outcome of the case. The final scenes tie up loose ends and leave the audience with a sense of catharsis and reflection on the themes explored throughout the screenplay.

Suggestions: To improve the ending of the screenplay, consider adding a final twist or revelation that challenges the audience's expectations and adds depth to the resolution. Provide more closure for the supporting characters and their storylines to ensure a satisfying conclusion for all involved. Consider incorporating a reflective moment for the main characters to highlight their growth and transformation throughout the trial.

CharacterInconsistencies

Character Daniel Kaffee
Description Kaffee is initially portrayed as apathetic and uninterested in his cases, prioritizing plea bargains and softball. However, he later displays a strong sense of justice and fights passionately for his clients, which seems like a sudden shift in his character.
( Scene 1 Scene 3 )
Character Dr. Stone
Description Dr. Stone's certainty about Santiago's poisoning despite inconclusive evidence and his possible negligence in overlooking Santiago's heart condition raise questions about his motives and professionalism.
( Scene 28 )

StoryInconsistencies

Description The sudden change in Dr. Stone's diagnosis of Santiago's cause of death after meeting with Jessep is a significant inconsistency that casts doubt on the official narrative and suggests a potential cover-up.
( Scene 28 )
Description Markinson's claim about an 11 p.m. flight contradicts the official records, and the subsequent revelation that Jessep could manipulate flight records creates a major inconsistency and raises questions about the extent of Jessep's influence and control.
( Scene 32 Scene 33 )

PlotHoles

Description The existence of an undocumented flight and Jessep's ability to erase it from official records is a significant plot hole that strains the believability of the story's realism and raises questions about the effectiveness of military protocols.
( Scene 32 Scene 33 )

DialogueAuthenticity

Description Jessep's use of casual and sometimes crude language in a formal setting, while potentially reflecting his personality, might be considered unrealistic for a high-ranking officer in front of visiting legal counsel.
( Scene 17 )
Description Jessep's impassioned speech about the realities of war and the necessity of his actions, while powerful and dramatic, could be seen as overly theatrical and unrealistic for a military officer in a courtroom setting.
( Scene 44 )

Redundancies

Element Kaffee's apathetic attitude and jokes
( Scene 1 Scene 3 Scene 5 )
Suggestion The repeated emphasis on Kaffee's lack of interest in his cases and his reliance on humor could be streamlined to avoid slowing down the initial pacing and allow for a more gradual development of his character arc.
Element Jo's insistence on Kaffee's potential and the importance of the case
( Scene 5 Scene 9 Scene 22 )
Suggestion While Jo's persistence is crucial to the plot, some instances of her urging Kaffee to take the case seriously could be condensed to maintain a balance between her determination and Kaffee's gradual transformation.

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Kaffee - Score: 82/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENFP
Enneagram: Type 7

Scenes

Strongest: #42
Weakest: #22

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Young navy lawyer navigating personal and professional responsibilities.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Struggles with a legacy of paternal expectations and personal inadequacy.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 9/10

Kaffee undergoes a significant transformation from an unmotivated lawyer to a determined seeker of truth.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Kaffee's dialogue is characterized by wit, sarcasm, and a blend of informal charm.

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Kaffee's choices reflect a desire for autonomy clashing with military expectations.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Kaffee's relationships inform his internal struggle and offer opportunities for growth.

Scene Impact 9/10

Kaffee often introduces conflict and resolution within pivotal courtroom scenes.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Kaffee as protagonist embodies themes of justice, integrity, and responsibility.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Kaffee’s journey intertwines with themes of ethics, integrity, and accountability.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Kaffee’s journey elicits sympathy and tension, ending in triumph.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Kaffee is a young and somewhat disillusioned navy lawyer who possesses a sharp intellect and natural charm. He belongs to a prestigious law background, being a Harvard Law graduate, yet he appears more passionate about baseball than his legal career initially. His foundational dilemma is his struggle between fulfilling his duties as a lawyer and confronting the entrenched military culture he's part of. Over the course of the narrative, he evolves from a lawyer who seeks easy victories through plea bargains to a determined defender of justice, highlighting an essential conflict between his personal growth and professional responsibility.

Values And Beliefs: Justice, Integrity, Duty

Strengths And Skills: Intelligence, Charisma, Legal knowledge

Suggestions

Explore more of Kaffee's backstory to deepen his motivations.
Highlight the impact of his father's legacy on his actions.

Follow-up Questions

How can Kaffee confront his internal conflicts more directly in the courtroom?
What specific events from his childhood shape his views on honor and duty?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Kaffee’s emotional depth stems from his relationship with his deceased father, a respected lawyer. He grapples with feelings of inadequacy and the fear that he is not living up to his father’s legacy. He often defaults to flippancy, masking deeper insecurities. His character flaw is a tendency to shy away from meaningful confrontation, particularly in challenging situations. These layers of guilt, a longing for approval, and a struggle with self-identity create a more nuanced protagonist who has the potential to grow immensely through the story.

Character Wound: Loss of his father and their complex relationship.

Character Flaws: Avoidance of confrontation, Disconnection from deeper values

Suggestions

Delve into post-trial reflections to reveal how his growth impacts his persona.
Integrate flashbacks to showcase his father’s influence on his psyche.

Follow-up Questions

What pivotal moments could trigger Kaffee's growth beyond the courtroom?
How does Kaffee's view of justice evolve by the end of the story?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 9

Kaffee’s arc is defined by his gradual awakening to the moral imperatives of his role as a lawyer. Initially dismissive and nonchalant, he evolves into a determined advocate willing to risk his career for his clients. The trial serves as the crucible for this transformation, catalyzing him to confront not only his responsibilities to his defendants but also the expectations associated with his family’s legacy. His ultimate decision to put Jessep on the stand signifies his commitment to truth over ease, declaring his growth as a character.

Polarity Changes: Begins indifferent about the case, Ends fighting fiercely for justice

Transformation Triggers: Engagement with Jo Galloway, Trial challenges and Jessep’s confession

Suggestions

Increase the stakes during earlier courtroom scenes to enhance his transformation.
Introduce moments where Kaffee has to confront his past to develop his character arc.

Follow-up Questions

What specific fears does Kaffee overcome to confront Jessep?
How could additional trials during the screenplay draw out his development?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Kaffee’s speech reflects his cleverness and ability to navigate complex social dynamics, particularly within the military context. His use of humor serves as both a defense mechanism and a connector—often disarming his opponents and endearing him to the audience. As the story progresses, his voice becomes more serious and focused, particularly during moments of ethical significance, showcasing his growth. This evolution emphasizes his maturing understanding of the law intertwined with his sense of morality.

Unique Voice: Witty, sarcastic, often uses humor to dodge seriousness.

Suggestions

Utilize more serious undertones in dialogues during pivotal moments to highlight growth.
Contrast his informal style with that of more formal characters to enhance impact.

Follow-up Questions

How can new dialogues reflect his internal struggles as well as his external conflicts?
What moments would benefit from humor to relieve tension, and when should it be absent?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 7

Kaffee's actions throughout the screenplay reveal his motivations, oscillating between seeking easy victories and genuinely engaging in the moral complexities of his clients' case. His journey reflects the transformation of his priorities—from focusing on self-preservation to committing to a cause greater than himself. Each decision he makes also mirrors a reckoning with his upbringing and responsibilities inherited from his father's legacy, ultimately culminating in his brave confrontation with Jessep. These choices illustrate the difficulties of balancing personal ambition with ethical integrity.

Motivations: To seek justice for Dawson and Downey while managing his own fears.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires recognition; needs to confront his deeper ethical obligations.

Suggestions

Create moments that force him to choose between personal ambition and ethics, heightening conflict.
Reflect on consequences of his choices through interactions with his family dynamic.

Follow-up Questions

What choices could further illustrate the conflict between his values and the military culture?
At what points should Kaffee face tangible consequences for his choices?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Kaffee's connections with Jo and his clients play a critical role in his development. Jo pushes him to confront his complacency and forces him to see the bigger ethical picture. Their dynamic evolves from adversarial to collaborative, with both characters learning and growing through their partnership. Meanwhile, his relationship with Dawson and Downey transforms, as they challenge him to rise to the responsibility of his role as their lawyer, confronting his natural avoidance of tougher situations. These established connections are vital for pushing Kaffee toward personal and professional truth.

Suggestions

Deepen moments where Kaffee's interactions lead to critical insights about honor and duty.
Explore his familial relationships to add more emotional weight and context.

Follow-up Questions

How could the relationship dynamics evolve to further amplify the conflict?
What key moments could deepen his partnership with Jo?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Kaffee's presence in each scene often serves as the driving force for both conflict and resolution. His approaches to Jessep and the military hierarchy challenge authority and provoke tension, reflecting his internal battle with courage and doubt. Moreover, his confrontations with Jo inject energy and establish his growth, underscoring shifts in tone and dynamics through their shared scenes. By navigating key confrontations, Kaffee's actions significantly alter the emotional stakes for all involved, propelling the narrative forward.

Suggestions

Increase tension in scenes where Kaffee's choices dramatically shift the narrative direction.
Highlight early scenes' lack of impact to emphasize his transformation later.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes could showcase a stronger contrast between his past and present?
How can his reactions to pivotal moments inform his character growth?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

Kaffee fulfills the role of the protagonist while also symbolizing the clash between the military’s rigid authority and the often-complicated ideals of justice. His narrative demonstrates a journey from a self-serving lawyer through an awakening state that defines the morality of his profession. As he confronts the military ideals exemplified by Jessep, he ultimately embodies the central conflict between individual ethics and institutional conformity, effectively shaping the screenplay's core themes.

Symbolic Role: Represents the struggle between personal ambition and professional duty.

Suggestions

Strengthen moments of introspection to reconcile his earlier behavior with his newfound integrity.
Consider actions that could subvert expectations related to his character archetype.

Follow-up Questions

How could specific moments in the screenplay emphasize the tension between duty and morality?
What scenes could portray him as either reinforcing or subverting the standard heroic archetype?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Kaffee's evolution throughout the screenplay mirrors the exploration of major themes surrounding accountability, ethics, and the moral implications inherent in military justice. His struggle to balance his complacency with a burgeoning sense of responsibility points to the transformative potential of facing uncomfortable truths. As the story unfolds, the interplay of his motivations and choices reveals how personal integrity can flourish against a backdrop of institutional rigidity, effectively challenging the audience to consider these themes critically.

Suggestions

Highlight more explicit connections between his personal growth and overarching thematic elements.
Introduce additional characters or moments to juxtapose his transformation within the themes.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways could Kaffee reflect or challenge the thematic elements of justice throughout the screenplay?
What is the ultimate message about individual responsibility, and how should Kaffee embody that?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Kaffee’s journey is loaded with emotional stakes that resonate deeply with the audience. His transformation from a disinterested lawyer to a passionate advocate creates a compelling arc that viewers can root for and empathize with. The moments of tension during courtroom battles evoke anxiety and anticipation, while his interactions with Jo and the defendants amplify emotional depth, creating emotional engagement in the narrative. By resolving his internal conflicts and confronting authority, he elicits audience admiration for his courage and conviction.

Emotional Impact: Kaffee evokes a blend of sympathy, tension, and ultimately triumph.

Suggestions

Deepen scenes that expose his vulnerabilities to enhance emotional engagement.
Construct climactic moments that juxtapose his personal truths with those of their legal realities.

Follow-up Questions

What emotional beats are most impactful for the audience during his transformation?
How does his emotional journey compare with other major characters in the screenplay?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfp

Kaffee's spontaneity, charm, and ability to connect with others suggest a typical ENFP personality, driven by a strong internal value of integrity amid external pressures.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: entp (70%)

Suggestions

Engage in introspective moments that reflect on his values and passions.
Highlight the contrast between his intuitive nature and the rigid military structure.

Follow-up Questions

How does his personality lead to moments of conflict or synergy with other characters?
In what ways could an alternative MBTI type shift his interactions and decisions?

Enneagram: type 7

Kaffee's avoidance of confrontation and preference for pleasant experiences, coupled with a quick wit, suggest he embodies traits of an Enneagram Type 7.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: type 3 (65%)

Suggestions

Incorporate more internal dialogue revealing his fear of missing out on life’s joys.
Explore moments that push him to confront his anxieties more directly.

Follow-up Questions

What specific characteristics of his Enneagram type can deepen his journey throughout the story?
How could alternative Enneagram traits inform his relationships with peers?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (42)

The confrontation with Jessep during the court session, where Kaffee compels him to admit the truth about the code red.

Why: This scene stands out as it illustrates Kaffee’s growth and determination, showcasing his transformation into an assertive antagonist against institutional authority.

Weakest Scene (22)

In the courtroom during the trial, where Kaffee feels cornered by the prosecution.

Why: This scene lacks the impactful emotional resonance present in others, showing him overwhelmed rather than proactive.

Suggestions:

Increase focus on his inner thoughts for dramatic tension.
Add dialogue that reflects his struggle rather than appearing passive.

Jo - Score: 80/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENFJ
Enneagram: Type 2 (The Helper)

Scenes

Strongest: #41
Weakest: #17

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Jo seeks justice for her clients, stands against military norms.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Emotional wounds from gender bias fuel Galloway's ambition.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Jo evolves from a passionate, somewhat impulsive young attorney into a more seasoned and resilient advocate.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Jo's dialogue is direct, assertive, and blends professional legal terminology with emotional appeal.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Her actions consistently stem from a moral compass, driven by the desire to protect her clients and seek justice.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Her relationships, particularly with Kaffee and her clients, are characterized by tension but also mutual respect.

Scene Impact 8/10

Jo often serves as the voice of reason and justice, providing critical emotional and strategic support.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Jo fulfills the role of the determined protagonist battling against systemic injustice.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Jo's journey encapsulates the themes of integrity, justice, and resilience in the face of adversity.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Jo evokes empathy, tension, and admiration through her journey.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Joanne Galloway is a navy lawyer passionate about justice and the defense of marines accused of wrongdoing. With a background in internal affairs, she possesses an investigative mindset. Her goal is to represent Corporal Dawson and Private Downey effectively, demonstrating her commitment to integrity, legal ethics, and the principle of looking out for those who cannot defend themselves. Galloway's assertive personality often puts her at odds with the male-dominated military structure, emphasizing her determination to overthrow traditional gender roles within the corps.

Values And Beliefs: Justice, integrity, loyalty, and moral responsibility.

Strengths And Skills: Strong investigative skills, quick thinker, persuasive speaker, high emotional intelligence.

Suggestions

Explore her backstory in greater depth to reveal additional motivations and experiences.
Provide more scenes that showcase her leadership abilities and challenges in a male-dominated environment.

Follow-up Questions

What specific experiences in her past led to her commitment to defense work?
How does she reconcile the demands of military life with her personal values?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Galloway harbors the emotional wound of feeling underestimated and dismissed due to her gender in a male-dominated environment. This drives her ambition but creates tension in her interactions with colleagues, particularly with Kaffee, who initially underestimates her. Her flaws include impulsiveness when defending her beliefs and a tendency to take on too much responsibility, reflecting her struggle for recognition. These complexities influence her interactions with others, particularly in the courtroom and with her clients.

Character Wound: Feeling underestimated due to her gender.

Character Flaws: Impulsiveness, over-commitment, and difficulty delegating.

Suggestions

Introduce situations that challenge her assumptions about male colleagues.
Show moments where her vulnerabilities become apparent in high-stress situations.

Follow-up Questions

How does Galloway's inner conflict shape her interactions with her colleagues?
In what ways does she address or confront this emotional wound throughout the story?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Beginning as a passionate advocate, Galloway's journey includes moments of uncertainty and backlash from the male officers representing the military's status quo. Over time, she learns to navigate these challenges strategically, refining her focus on the truth and her client's welfare rather than simply proving her worth as a woman in a male-dominated field. The ultimate confrontation with Jessep highlights her growth from an assertive defender into a tactician who challenges systemic abuses of power.

Polarity Changes: Grows from feeling unsupported to becoming a pivotal player in the defense.

Transformation Triggers: Her encounters with Kaffee and the trial process force her to adapt and strategize effectively.

Suggestions

Highlight key moments where she asserts her voice in a sea of male dominance.
Show her reflecting on past experiences and adjusting her strategies in real time.

Follow-up Questions

What does Galloway learn about leadership and collaboration through her interactions with Kaffee?
How does the resolution of the trial reshape her outlook on her career and her role in the military?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Jo's speech reflects her intelligence and determination, often utilizing legal jargon alongside emotional appeals to highlight the stakes involved. Her dialogue evolves to become increasingly persuasive and strategic as she gains confidence throughout the trial. The contrast between her assertive style and the more casual tone of her male counterparts showcases her unique position.

Unique Voice: Smart, quick-witted, and frequently challenges male narrators with confidence.

Suggestions

Infuse her dialogue with more personal anecdotes that reflect her character.
Increase the distinction between her professional legal voice and her more personal interactions to deepen her character.

Follow-up Questions

How do her variations in dialogue delivery reflect her emotional state during key moments?
In what specific moments should her voice more distinctly convey her vulnerability or frustration?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Throughout the screenplay, Jo makes choices that prioritize her clients' needs over her own comfort. Whether advocating for Dawson and Downey or confronting landmark issues within the military's justice system, her decisions are grounded in a strong moral foundation. This behavior often results in her butting heads with superiors, but also showcases her dedication to the legal profession and her clients.

Motivations: Defending her clients and exposing military code violations.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to be seen as competent and respected; needs to assert her identity and values in a male-dominated environment.

Suggestions

Introduce more scenarios where her choices lead to moral dilemmas to enhance her development.
Provide clearer manifestations of her motivations through interpersonal relationships.

Follow-up Questions

What key choices signify her growth or change throughout the story?
How does she reconcile the consequences of her choices with her ethical standards?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Jo's relationship with Kaffee oscillates between tension and collaboration, showcasing how their different perspectives on justice and duty clash, yet complement each other. She embodies both support and conflict in their dynamic, propelling her to assert her voice firmly. With Dawson and Downey, Jo displays her nurturing side, defending them while striving to understand their situation. These relationships provide contrasting perspectives on her character, inviting conflict but also emphasizing her commitment to justice.

Suggestions

Fortify emotional moments within her relationship with Kaffee to deepen their dynamic.
Enhance interactions with Dawson and Downey to reflect her growing connection with her clients.

Follow-up Questions

How do her relationships drive her narrative arc and personal growth?
What pivotal moments change her relationships, and how do these affect her actions?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

In key moments, Jo's presence compels other characters to confront their ethical responsibilities, while her strategic mind drives significant plot developments. Whether she's advocating for her clients' rights or pushing back on gender biases, she continually shifts the emotional and moral atmosphere of the scenes she's in. Her impact often leads to turning points, bringing key issues to light and challenging the male characters to rethink their positions.

Suggestions

Maximize her presence in emotionally charged scenes to enhance the sense of urgency.
Explore her emotional responses during pivotal moments to emphasize conflict within scenes.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes most effectively highlight her impact on the narrative?
How does her behavior alter the dynamics of the scenes in which she engages?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

As a lawyer in the Navy JAG Corps, Jo represents the fight for justice and stands against the oppressive military culture. Her willingness to challenge authority positions her not only as a defender for her clients but also as a champion of morality within a flawed system. Her narrative role captures the struggle of those who fight for justice in an environment that often marginalizes them.

Symbolic Role: Embodiment of resilience and ethical integrity within a rigid structure.

Suggestions

Show her navigating institutional barriers more explicitly to strengthen her role.
Highlight moments where she subverts traditional gender roles to emphasize her symbolic purpose.

Follow-up Questions

How effectively does Jo's role challenge or reinforce the themes of the screenplay?
What moments best capture her struggle against the military hierarchy?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Her pursuit of justice for Dawson and Downey underscores the film’s exploration of military hierarchy and the ethical responsibilities entailed with rank. Galloway's determination also reflects themes of gender inequality and the fight for recognition and respect within a patriarchal structure. Her goals and journey serve as a lens through which the narrative interrogates critical ethical questions about duty, honor, and the truth.

Suggestions

Strengthen connections between her journey and broader thematic elements in the screenplay.
Create more explicit dialogues that capture her internal struggles in relation to the themes.

Follow-up Questions

How does Jo's pursuit of justice highlight the screenplay's central themes?
What thematic elements are best represented through her character arc?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Jo's character evokes a range of emotions, including admiration for her integrity, empathy for her struggles, and tension as she navigates systemic challenges. Her passionate defenses and morally charged confrontations heighten audience engagement, allowing viewers to root for her success and feel the weight of her personal stakes in the trial. The film’s critical emotional beats often center around her struggles for justice and recognition in a male-dominated environment.

Emotional Impact: Creates empathy, tension, and admiration from the audience.

Suggestions

Enhance her emotional responses in key scenes for deeper audience engagement.
Explore her vulnerability during high-stress moments to heighten emotional stakes.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes most effectively create emotional connections to the audience?
How does her emotional journey parallel the moral dilemmas presented in the screenplay?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfj

Joanne Galloway displays characteristics consistent with an ENFJ type—motivated by values, emotionally attuned to the needs of others, and capable of inspiring change.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: entj (20%)

Suggestions

Utilize her extroverted nature in scenes to enhance interpersonal dynamics.
Showcase her leadership skills further to deepen the ENFJ portrayal.

Follow-up Questions

In what situations does her extroverted nature shine through?
How do her interpersonal relationships influence her decision-making?

Enneagram: type 2 (the helper)

Jo demonstrates the characteristics of a Type 2 by being deeply connected to her sense of identity through helping others, particularly through her advocacy.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: type 3 (the achiever) (15%)

Suggestions

Explore her emotional connections to her clients more to emphasize her Helper traits.
Show moments where her desire for connection can lead to overcommitment.

Follow-up Questions

How does her Helper identity shape her interactions with Dawson and Downey?
Are there moments that challenge her helper instincts, causing internal conflict?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (41)

Jo's emotional journey culminates when she's driven to confront Jessep and is on the verge of securing a pivotal moment for justice.

Why: In this strong scene, her assertiveness, passion, and determination to stand up for her beliefs shine, showcasing her growth and resolve.

Weakest Scene (17)

Jo gets overridden in the courtroom when her objection to Stone's testimony is sustained, highlighting her helplessness.

Why: This scene represents Jo at her weakest point, where she can't assert her influence even as she knows the truth.

Suggestions:

Heighten her internal conflict during this moment to reflect her vulnerability.
Consider adding a moment of reflection for Jo after the scene to reinforce her determination.

Sam - Score: 73/100

Role

Supporting Character

Personality

MBTI: ISTJ
Enneagram: Type 1 (The Reformer)

Scenes

Strongest: #42
Weakest: #2

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Serious, studious, morally grounded.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Conflict between personal ethics and military loyalty.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Sam's arc represents the evolution from a passive observer of military justice to an active participant in seeking truth.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Sam's dialogue is marked by clarity and precision, reflecting his analytical nature.

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Sam's choices are often driven by a desire to uphold justice, but he also struggles with the consequences of these decisions.

Relationship Dynamics 7/10

Sam has a collaborative yet tense relationship with both Kaffee and Jo, serving as a balancing force in their dynamics.

Scene Impact 8/10

Sam's presence often stabilizes the courtroom scenes, providing emotional depth and rational viewpoints.

Role Fulfillment 7/10

Sam functions as a moral anchor and rational advisor within the legal framework of the story.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Sam’s journey aligns closely with the screenplay's central themes of honor, duty, and moral integrity.

Emotional Resonance 7/10

Compelling moral figure with emotional depth.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Sam is a serious and studious young naval officer who provides a contrast to the more relaxed demeanor of his colleague Kaffee. He represents a strong moral compass and legal acumen, deeply interested in the details of the case and the pursuit of justice for the accused marines. His background in Internal Affairs suggests a commitment to upholding the integrity of military conduct.

Values And Beliefs: Justice, integrity, and the rule of law.

Strengths And Skills: Strong analytical skills, knowledge of military law, attention to detail.

Suggestions

Develop more specific backstory elements to deepen his character arc.
Include interactions that showcase his internal conflict regarding military loyalty versus justice.

Follow-up Questions

What specific events in Sam's past shaped his strong moral beliefs?
How does Sam's relationship with Kaffee inform his decisions throughout the trial?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Sam carries an internal conflict stemming from his desire to do what's right within a system that often prioritizes loyalty over justice. He grapples with the implications of the trial, fearing the consequences of standing up against powerful military figures. This creates tension between his personal values and professional obligations.

Character Wound: Fear of compromising integrity for the sake of duty.

Character Flaws: Overly cautious at times, struggles to take decisive action.

Suggestions

Introduce scenarios that test Sam's moral compass directly.
Show more of his emotional vulnerabilities during high-pressure moments.

Follow-up Questions

What are the specific fears Sam has regarding the outcome of the trial?
How does his understanding of military culture complicate his actions?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Throughout the story, Sam begins as a character who accepts the military system's workings without question. As the trial progresses, he becomes more proactive, advocating for an ethical approach and recognizing the importance of defending the accused marines. His growth is marked by an increased willingness to challenge authority.

Polarity Changes: Initially compliant and passive, shifts to more assertive by the trial's end.

Transformation Triggers: Seeing Kaffee's determination to pursue justice despite the odds.

Suggestions

Highlight key moments where Sam makes pivotal decisions that impact the trial's direction.
Create dialogue that reflects his transformation in understanding military ethics.

Follow-up Questions

What moments specifically instigated Sam's shift from passive to active engagement?
How does Sam's view of his role change from the beginning to the end of the trial?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Sam's speech patterns and tone are informed by his legal training, often incorporating specific military jargon and procedural details. His dialogue serves as a tool for exposition while also advancing the emotional stakes of the courtroom drama. As the story progresses, he becomes more assertive and confident in his speech.

Unique Voice: Methodical, serious, with an emphasis on legal terminology and clarity.

Suggestions

Experiment with more emotional dialogue to showcase his internal conflicts.
Utilize humor or irony to contrast with the serious themes when appropriate.

Follow-up Questions

How does Sam's speech reflect his relationship with Kaffee?
Are there instances where Sam's language can reveal deeper emotional states?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 7

Sam's actions throughout the screenplay are reflective of his commitment to legal integrity. He systematically evaluates evidence and encourages thorough research, highlighting the need for a fair defense for his clients. His moral dilemmas often pull him in conflicting directions, especially when faced with the powerful military hierarchy.

Motivations: To seek justice for Dawson and Downey while navigating the complexities of military procedures.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to follow rules; needs to uphold personal ethics and justice.

Suggestions

Provide more scenes that illustrate the stakes of his decisions during the trial.
Integrate scenarios where his choices lead to unexpected outcomes.

Follow-up Questions

What sacrifices might Sam be willing to make for Dawson and Downey?
How does he reconcile his professional responsibilities with his personal values?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 7

Sam's relationships reveal different facets of his character. With Kaffee, he often plays the role of the moral compass, challenging Kaffee's more cavalier attitude toward the trial. In interactions with Jo, there's a mutual respect, but also tension regarding their differing approaches to law and justice. His bonds are central to driving the narrative and the development of the central themes.

Suggestions

Deepen the emotional connection between Sam and Jo to showcase potential romantic tension or camaraderie.
Create moments that highlight how Sam's relationships influence his professional decisions.

Follow-up Questions

How do Sam's interactions with Kaffee influence his development as a character?
What does Sam truly value in his relationships with other characters?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Throughout the screenplay, Sam anchors the trial with his logical deductions and earnest pursuit of truth. His actions often provide clarity in chaotic moments, ensuring that the narrative maintains its focus on the ethical dilemmas at play. His reactions to pivotal moments influence not only his character but also those around him.

Suggestions

Utilize Sam's reactions to amplify tension during critical courtroom exchanges.
In scenes with significant emotional stakes, allow Sam's emotional responses to shine through.

Follow-up Questions

Which scenes would be most effective if Sam were more emotionally expressive?
How does Sam’s behavior influence the jury's perceptions of the defense?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 7

As a supporting character, Sam embodies the ethical dilemma faced by military lawyers. His narrative purpose is to challenge and ground the more impulsive actions of Kaffee and provide an ethical counterbalance to the extreme pressures of the case. He fulfills the role of the conscientious soldier struggling to align his beliefs with duty.

Symbolic Role: Represents integrity within the military legal system.

Suggestions

Explore more of Sam's backstory to clarify his motivations as a military officer.
Consider scenes that challenge Sam's beliefs to showcase growth or transformation.

Follow-up Questions

How does Sam's character arc impact the audience's understanding of military ethics?
What deeper message does Sam’s role communicate about duty versus justice?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

His character reflects the struggles of upholding military standards while facing the harsh reality of potentially flawed orders. Sam brings a perspective that questions the cost of loyalty in a military context, and his journey underscores the screenplay’s emphasis on justice over blind adherence to authority.

Suggestions

Enhance connections between Sam’s choices and the overarching theme of justice.
Highlight moral dilemmas faced by Sam in response to military culture.

Follow-up Questions

How do Sam's experiences challenge or reinforce the military's codes of conduct?
In what ways can we see Sam's ethical struggles manifest thematically throughout the narrative?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 7

Sam's character provides emotional weight to the screenplay, especially when grappling with the implications of the trial on Dawson and Downey. The tension in his relationships and internal conflicts elicits moments of tension and solidarity within the audience.

Emotional Impact: Sam evokes sympathy and respect as he navigates his moral dilemmas.

Suggestions

Utilize subtle emotional cues in Sam’s expressions to amplify audience connection.
Incorporate scenes where Sam's vulnerabilities can be more deeply explored.

Follow-up Questions

How can Sam’s emotional struggles enhance audience engagement?
Which scenes are most powerful in evoking empathy toward Sam's character?

Personality Types

MBTI: istj

Sam embodies characteristics typical of an ISTJ—being detail-oriented, reliable, and focused on law and order.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: infj (25%)

Suggestions

Utilize his ISTJ tendencies to elaborate on his decisions and actions during legal procedures.
Add complexity to Sam by incorporating INFJ traits in times of moral conflict.

Follow-up Questions

How do Sam’s MBTI traits influence his interactions with other characters?
What specific scenes demonstrate his adherence to ISTJ principles?

Enneagram: type 1 (the reformer)

Sam's moral compass and desire for justice aligns with the qualities of a Type 1, emphasizing ethics and integrity.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: type 6 (the loyalist) (20%)

Suggestions

Explore Sam's reaction to authority to underscore Type 1 traits.
Incorporate Type 6 influences when Sam faces uncertainties.

Follow-up Questions

How do his Enneagram traits affect his choices throughout the story?
What internal struggles can be emphasized through his Type 1 tendencies?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (42)

Sam acts as a strong supporting character, facilitating tension and moral dilemmas in a decisive moment of the trial.

Why: His assertive questioning and commitment to integrity elevate the narrative and provide insight into his character.

Weakest Scene (2)

Sam seems to struggle under pressure when facing the higher-ranked officers.

Why: His indecisiveness in this scene undercuts his typically strong demeanor.

Suggestions:

Introduce more decisiveness in Sam’s dialogue to enhance his authoritative presence.
Consider adding another character to help bolster Sam's convictions here.

Ross - Score: 76/100

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ESTJ
Enneagram: Type 1 - The Reformer

Scenes

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Confident government lawyer dedicated to the Marine Corps.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Struggles between duty and ethical implications of his role.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Ross remains steadfast in his commitment to winning the case despite the ethical dilemmas.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Sharp, professional dialogue that reflects his legal expertise and military background.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Driven by a fierce desire to win, Ross adheres strictly to military protocol.

Relationship Dynamics 7/10

Conflict with Kaffee, representing the ideological struggle between duty and justice.

Scene Impact 8/10

Ross's presence adds tension and conflict to courtroom scenes.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Serves as the legal foil to Kaffee, representing the systemic military perspective.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Ross's actions illustrate the themes of duty versus morality.

Emotional Resonance 7/10

Elicits tension and moral conflict in the audience.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Jack Ross is a lieutenant lawyer representing the government in the court-martial of Dawson and Downey. He is confident, shrewd, and highly focused on prevailing in court, believing in the righteousness of his position. His foundational traits include a strong sense of order, accountability, and fierce dedication to the Marine Corps. These values create a staunch opposition to anyone who disrupts the system, leading to his role as an antagonist against Kaffee.

Values And Beliefs: Belief in loyalty to the Marine Corps and the law.

Strengths And Skills: Strong legal acumen, persuasive ability, strategic thinking.

Suggestions

Explore Ross's backstory to deepen reader understanding of his motivations.
Provide more insight into his internal conflicts regarding duty versus justice.

Follow-up Questions

What experiences shaped Ross's view of the military and the justice it serves?
How does Ross reconcile his professional duties with any personal moral dilemmas he may face?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Despite his role as a rigid prosecutor, Ross's complexity lies in a potential internal conflict between his allegiance to the military structure and his understanding of its ethical implications. His determination to win might reflect deeper insecurities or pressures stemming from his career or expectations placed upon him as a Marine officer.

Character Wound: Pressure to succeed in a high-stakes environment.

Character Flaws: Overly ambitious, can be dismissive or condescending.

Suggestions

Introduce vulnerabilities that expose Ross's personal stakes in the case.
Present moments that humanize Ross, showing he is not just a careerist but has genuine concerns.

Follow-up Questions

What does Ross truly fear losing if he fails in this case?
Are there moments where Ross questions the morality of his actions in the courtroom?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Ross’s journey in the screenplay reflects a commitment to his values as he faces challenges. However, he does not significantly change; he embodies the belief in military procedure and justice but fights against those who challenge it, such as Kaffee.

Polarity Changes: Ross has moments of tension as the case progresses but ultimately remains true to his conviction of the defendants' guilt.

Transformation Triggers: The presence of strong opposing counsel and moral challenges presented by Kaffee.

Suggestions

Include discussions with other characters to showcase how he processes his thoughts.
Consider moments where he might consider the implications of his actions.

Follow-up Questions

Is there a moment that could trigger doubt in Ross about the righteousness of his actions?
How does Ross view victory and success beyond courtroom wins?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Ross's speech reflects his upbringing in a structured military environment, characterized by formality and clipped vocabulary. He speaks with the authority of his position, often dismissive of others’ viewpoints, and uses legal jargon to reinforce his arguments.

Unique Voice: His dialogue is often direct, articulate, and assertive, indicating confidence and authority.

Suggestions

Introduce more colloquial expressions to showcase his personality beyond the lawyer facade.
Consider moments that allow Ross to reveal his character through informal interactions.

Follow-up Questions

How does Ross's choice of words influence the jury's perception?
Are there moments where his tone softens, revealing anything personal?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Ross's choices are primarily influenced by his desire to win the case and maintain the integrity of the Marine Corps. His behavior reflects the rigidity of military law and personal ambition, often resulting in clashes with Kaffee as he prioritizes the outcome over ethical considerations.

Motivations: Desire to uphold military honor and achieve professional success.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to maintain a strong facade and successful career while needing to confront the moral implications of his actions.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where Ross’s ambitions might cloud his judgment.
Show a contrast between his work life and personal life to deepen his character.

Follow-up Questions

What factors influence Ross's decisions about how aggressively to pursue the case?
If Ross feels pressure to win, who or what is he ultimately afraid of disappointing?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 7

Ross's interactions with Kaffee are filled with professional rivalry and tension. Their relationship showcases the clash between the two characters—Kaffee's pursuit of the truth versus Ross's commitment to upholding military justice. Ross's demeanor often comes across as condescending, which complicates interactions with other characters.

Suggestions

Create more dialogue between Ross and characters that show varying perspectives on justice.
Explore Ross’s past relationships to inform how he deals with others now.

Follow-up Questions

How has Ross’s relationship with Kaffee evolved throughout the trial?
What does Ross value in professional relationships, and how does this impact his interactions?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

In key scenes, Ross functions as an antagonist whose legal maneuvers directly challenge Kaffee. His arguments are designed to instill doubt in the jury regarding Dawson and Downey’s innocence, and his confident demeanor pushes Kaffee to dig deeper into the case.

Suggestions

Ensure Ross's reactions are physically distinct and indicate his compelling leadership style.
Create moments where his reactions offer insight into his character's mindset.

Follow-up Questions

What are the turning points in the courtroom when Ross’s presence is most impactful?
Can you recall specific scenes where Ross's behavior or responses change the direction of a confrontation?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

Ross's character fulfills the role of a focused antagonist, ensuring that the military's integrity is maintained throughout the trial. He constructs an opposing narrative to Kaffee's approach, which highlights the tension between personal ethics and professional duty.

Symbolic Role: Embodies the military code of honor and the consequences of its application.

Suggestions

Highlight Ross's growth to enhance his representation as a complex antagonist.
Provide opportunities for him to offer counterarguments that challenge Kaffee and deepen conflict.

Follow-up Questions

How does Ross’s role contrast with that of Kaffee, and what conflicts arise from this?
In what ways could Ross's role be developed to offer greater insight into his motivations?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

The script integrates Ross's character effectively into the larger thematic exploration of military ethics, authority, and the complexities of honor. His unwavering commitment to the military perspective underscores the central conflict and raises questions about the ethics of command and individual responsibility.

Suggestions

Set up interactions that explore different interpretations of honor and duty.
Link Ross's personal narrative to the screenplay's broader themes to give depth to his character.

Follow-up Questions

How do Ross's beliefs contribute to the screenplay's examination of military ethics?
What moments in the script directly address the tension between personal values and official duties?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 7

As an antagonist, Ross evokes a mix of disdain and, at times, respect from the audience. His portrayal as a steadfast military lawyer who believes wholeheartedly in his cause elicits conflicted emotions, particularly as the audience understands the consequences of his actions on the lives of the accused.

Emotional Impact: Ross instills tension and frustration in the audience, prompting a complex emotional response toward military justice.

Suggestions

Showcase Ross in a more vulnerable moment that touches on his inner conflict.
Consider a backstory for Ross that could evoke sympathy despite his role.

Follow-up Questions

What decisions lead the audience to sympathize temporarily with Ross?
How do Ross's emotional responses to situations reveal his complexities?

Personality Types

MBTI: estj

Ross exhibits traits aligned with the ESTJ personality type; he is pragmatic, efficient, and values order. These traits are visible in his no-nonsense demeanor and adherence to military protocol.

Confidence: 85%

Suggestions

Explore moments where Ross's ESTJ traits conflict with more flexible perspectives.
Use situations to showcase alternative thinking methods that challenge his values.

Follow-up Questions

How does Ross's ESTJ personality influence his decision-making in the courtroom?
In what ways might Ross adapt or struggle with deviations from military routine?

Enneagram: type 1 - the reformer

Ross's desire for justice and order places him firmly in Type 1. He strives to improve systems and ensure accountability while holding firm to his beliefs.

Confidence: 80%

Suggestions

Deepen Ross's storyline to include personal stakes in maintaining law and order.
Create scenarios where his rigidness is tested, revealing vulnerability.

Follow-up Questions

How does Ross’s drive for reform manifest in his interactions with colleagues?
Are there scenarios where Ross's Type 1 traits lead him to internal conflict?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (0)

Ross shines during courtroom confrontations with Kaffee, showcasing his legal prowess and strict adherence to military expectations.

Why: His powerful presence and articulate speech heighten tension, establishing him as a formidable opponent.

Weakest Scene (0)

Ross’s presence during scenes with Kaffee emphasizing his antagonistic nature could be weaker if not paired with a more personal conflict for him.

Why: He risks becoming a one-dimensional character driven solely by the need to win the case.

Suggestions:

Include personal stakes or relationships that humanize Ross in weaker scenes.
Consider moments of doubt or reflection for Ross to deepen complexity.

Jessep - Score: 85/100

Role

Antagonist

Personality

MBTI: ESTJ

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 9/10

High-ranking military officer focused on discipline and national security.

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Fear of losing control and accountability leads to morally questionable decisions.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 7/10

Jessep remains steadfastly committed to his beliefs throughout the screenplay, showcasing no significant transformation.

Dialogue And Voice 9/10

Jessep's dialogue is authoritative, commanding, and filled with military jargon, emphasizing his rank and experience.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Jessep’s actions demonstrate a strong commitment to maintaining order, often at the expense of ethical considerations.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Jessep has a commanding relationship with his subordinates, often marked by fear and respect but lacking empathy.

Scene Impact 9/10

Jessep's presence is commanding; he often introduces conflict through his authoritative leadership style.

Role Fulfillment 10/10

Jessep serves as the primary antagonist, representing authority and the conflicts that arise from brutal military ethics.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Jessep's actions directly highlight themes of duty, loyalty, and the moral implications of military obedience.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Jessep generates tension and moral conflict, invoking strong emotional responses.

Foundational Definition

Score: 9

Colonel Nathan Jessep is a high-ranking officer at Guantanamo Bay, tasked with maintaining the security and discipline of the Marine Corps unit under his command. He possesses a strong sense of duty and loyalty towards the Corps, believing that strict adherence to orders is paramount in a military environment. Jessep's worldview is heavily influenced by the need to protect national security, and he sees any challenge to his authority as a threat to the safety of his men and the principles of the military.

Values And Beliefs: Duty, loyalty, national security, superiority of military command.

Strengths And Skills: Leadership, strategic thinking, authoritative presence.

Suggestions

Explore Jessep's background to provide context for his strong beliefs about discipline.
Include interactions that showcase Jessep’s emotional vulnerabilities to add complexity.

Follow-up Questions

What experiences in Jessep's past have shaped his rigid view of military discipline?
How does Jessep reconcile his actions with his moral outlook?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 8

Jessep displays a deep, sometimes irrational, fear of losing control and facing accountability. His emotional wounds stem from the pressures of command, leading him to justify questionable actions in the name of duty. His need to maintain an image of strength results in a lack of empathy and sometimes extreme measures that directly impact others.

Character Wound: Fear of vulnerability and loss of control.

Character Flaws: Arrogance, inflexibility, lack of empathy.

Suggestions

Add scenes that reveal Jessep's internal conflicts, like doubts about his chosen actions.
Highlight backstory elements that contribute to his authoritarian approach.

Follow-up Questions

Can we see moments where Jessep’s façade cracks under pressure?
What past events contribute to Jessep's rigid adherence to military protocol?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 7

Despite the mounting pressure from Kaffee and the trial proceedings, Jessep insists on his approach and ultimately reveals his ordering of the Code Red. He does not change; instead, he doubles down on his beliefs about national security and military protocol, leading to his downfall.

Transformation Triggers: His interactions with Kaffee and the courtroom atmosphere force him to confront his decisions but he remains unyielding.

Suggestions

Introduce subtle moments where Jessep shows discomfort—these can provide a glimpse of potential transformation.
Show more interactions where Jessep faces resistance, allowing for tension and potential growth.

Follow-up Questions

What would it take for Jessep to reconsider his viewpoint?
Are there moments in his interactions that hint at potential regret?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 9

Jessep's speech patterns are marked by confidence and a lack of tolerance for dissent. He often utilizes aggressive rhetoric to intimidate others and reinforce his command. Aristotelian appeal is evident in his arguments, appealing to logic and ethics but avoiding emotional resonance.

Unique Voice: Uses military terminology and a superior tone to assert authority.

Suggestions

Include moments where he speaks more personally or informally to reveal deeper facets of his character.
Let him engage in dialogue that challenges his own beliefs to showcase vulnerability.

Follow-up Questions

How does Jessep's way of speaking affect how others perceive him?
Are there instances where his tone shifts under pressure?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Jessep behaves with a sense of superiority, believing that his rank gives him the authority to make any decision necessary for the greater good. His choices reflect a willingness to manipulate situations to maintain control, enforcing discipline while disregarding moral implications.

Motivations: To enforce military discipline and ensure national security.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to protect the Corps vs. needs for genuine accountability and ethical leadership.

Suggestions

Deepen the exploration of motivations behind his actions to present more moral ambiguity.
Introduce consequences for his choices that illustrate his flawed approach.

Follow-up Questions

What would motivate Jessep to act differently under pressure?
Are there moments that reveal Jessep's internal moral struggle regarding his choices?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

His interactions with characters like Kendrick and the two marines underlines his authoritative nature, yet also reveals a disconnected leadership style. Jessep expects absolute loyalty and obedience without questioning, pushing his men to adhere strictly to orders without thought for dissent or ethical considerations.

Suggestions

Incorporate more interactions with Kendrick where Jessep's influence can be seen beyond orders.
Explore what relationships he has beyond the military structure, if any.

Follow-up Questions

How does Jessep's demeanor change with different ranks of personnel?
What happens to his relationships when his authority is challenged?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Jessep’s appearances often escalate tensions, either through direct confrontations with Kaffee or by showcasing a rigid adherence to rank and duty. His actions set the stakes high for the other characters, making him a pivotal figure in the unfolding drama.

Suggestions

Highlight scenes where Jessep could take a step back to allow tension to build through dialogue.
Introduce scenes that show Jessep’s influence on others when he’s not directly present.

Follow-up Questions

In what specific scenes does Jessep affect the emotional tone most profoundly?
How do other characters react to Jessep’s presence, and what does it say about them?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 10

As the commanding officer, Jessep's role as an antagonist is pivotal in challenging the protagonists' beliefs about honor, duty, and the moral cost of war. He is portrayed as a figure maintaining the status quo, believing that military discipline sometimes necessitates harsh measures.

Symbolic Role: Embodies the conflict between military duty and moral responsibility.

Suggestions

Incorporate conflicts with his superiors that challenge his views on military command.
Show more interactions with civilians to highlight a contrast to his military persona.

Follow-up Questions

How effectively does Jessep embody the archetype of an authoritative military leader?
Are there opportunities to subvert Jessep's role within the narrative?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

His insistence on the necessity of his actions juxtaposes the concept of blind obedience to authority and the ethical considerations surrounding leadership. Jessep's choices raise questions about the nature of honor and the potential consequences of unquestioning loyalty to the military code.

Suggestions

Delve deeper into Jessep's backstory to better explain his rigid worldview.
Include interactions that reinforce the ethical dilemmas faced by military officers.

Follow-up Questions

How does Jessep's perspective challenge or reinforce the audience's understanding of military ethics?
What thematic messages resonate most strongly through Jessep's journey?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

The audience's emotional reaction to Jessep reflects their disgust at his willingness to sacrifice individual lives for the greater good. His commanding presence elevates stakes and heightens drama, evoking both contempt and curiosity about his motivations.

Emotional Impact: Jessep elicits tension and anger from the audience, challenging morality and ethics.

Suggestions

Use silence or pauses in his dialogue to build suspense and emotional impact.
Introduce moments where Jessep faces the consequences of his actions to enhance audience empathy.

Follow-up Questions

At what points does Jessep’s character elicit direct emotional responses from the audience?
How can Jessep’s presence amplify the emotional arc of other characters?

Personality Types

MBTI: estj

Jessep's characteristics align with the ESTJ type due to his extroverted, sensing, thinking, and judging traits. He embodies strong leadership qualities and a firm adherence to rules and procedures.

Confidence: 85%

Suggestions

Make use of his ESTJ traits to craft moments of conflict arising from his structured worldview.
Explore alternative viewpoints or interactions that could challenge his structured mindset.

Follow-up Questions

How does Jessep's personality type affect his interactions with other characters?
Are there moments where this type shines through in his decision-making?

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Military Justice (40%)

The film follows the trial of two Marines accused of murdering a fellow Marine. The trial exposes the flaws in the military justice system, including the pressure on lawyers to obtain plea deals and the difficulty of getting witnesses to testify against their superiors.

Military justice is a unique system of law that governs the conduct of members of the military. It is designed to maintain discipline and order within the military and to ensure that members of the military are treated fairly and justly.

Strengthening Military Justice:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Character Arc - Scene 17	Expand Jessep's inner conflict by having him grapple with the consequences of his actions in ordering the Code Red. This could involve scenes where he is haunted by visions of Santiago or where he confides in a confidant about his guilt and fear of exposure.
Dialogue - Scene 18	Add a line of dialogue for Kaffee where he confronts Dawson and Downey about the Code Red order, emphasizing the gravity of their actions and the potential repercussions for themselves and the Marine Corps. This will highlight the significance of military justice and the consequences of breaking the code.
Action - Scene 22	Incorporate a scene where Kaffee visits the site where Santiago died. By physically experiencing the location and immersing himself in the environment, Kaffee can gain a deeper understanding of Santiago's final moments and the impact of the Code Red on his life.
Story Arc - Scene Multiple	Expand Jo Galloway's role as a catalyst for Kaffee's transformation. Have her actively push Kaffee to confront his prejudices and assumptions about military justice, highlighting the importance of an impartial and ethical approach to defending the accused.
Character Arc - Scene 28	Develop Dr. Stone's character by exploring his motivations for testifying against the defendants. Is he driven by a desire for justice, or is there a more personal or hidden agenda at play? This will add depth to the trial and challenge Kaffee's assumptions about the prosecution's witnesses.

Code Red (30%)

A code red is an unauthorized punishment that is carried out by enlisted men. In the film, the defendants are accused of killing a fellow Marine as part of a code red. The prosecution argues that the code red was ordered by the defendants' superiors, while the defense argues that the code red was not authorized and that the defendants were acting in self-defense.

Code red is a term used to describe a situation in which a group of people, typically soldiers, take matters into their own hands and punish someone outside of the normal legal system.

Honor (20%)

The film explores the theme of honor, both in the military and in life in general. The defendants are accused of killing a fellow Marine, and the prosecution argues that they did so to protect their own honor. The defense, however, argues that the defendants were acting in self-defense and that they were not motivated by a desire to protect their honor.

Honor is a complex concept that can be defined in many different ways. In general, honor refers to a person's sense of self-worth and self-respect.

Duty (10%)

The film also explores the theme of duty. The defendants are Marines, and they are sworn to uphold the law and to protect their country. The prosecution argues that the defendants violated their duty by killing a fellow Marine. The defense, however, argues that the defendants were acting in self-defense and that they were not motivated by a desire to protect their country.

Duty refers to the obligations that a person has to others. These obligations can be moral, legal, or social.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the events leading to Santiago's death and challenge the corrupt practices within the military.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goal is to defend their clients and prove their innocence.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the tension between seeking justice and upholding military protocol.

Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's goals and conflicts lead to their growth and transformation as they navigate the complexities of the legal system and military culture, challenging their beliefs and values.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The protagonist's internal and external goals drive the narrative forward, creating tension and conflict that propel the story towards a resolution. The philosophical conflicts add depth to the character's journey and provide a philosophical backdrop to the legal drama unfolding.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts in the screenplay explore themes of justice, integrity, loyalty, and the complexities of moral decision-making. The protagonist's struggle to uncover the truth and seek justice highlights the ethical dilemmas inherent in the legal system and the military hierarchy.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - Arrival at Guantanamo Bay	Suspenseful, Intense, Professional	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
2 - Jo's Request	Serious, Tense, Professional	8	8	8	9	9	7	8	7	8	7	8	9	8	7	8	9	8	8	8
3 - Softball Interrupted: Kaffee and Spradling Clash Over McDermott Case	Sarcastic, Light-hearted, Confrontational	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	8	8	7	7	7	5	9	9	8	8	8
4 - Case Assignment	Serious, Studious, Sarcastic, Informative	8	8	7	9	8	4	8	9	6	8	7	8	7	5	9	9	8	9	9
5 - A Case in Guantanamo	Serious, Intense, Professional	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	8	8	9	9	7	6	9	9	8	8	8
6 - Santiago's Struggles in Guantanamo Bay	Serious, Intense, Emotional	8	8	7	8	7	6	8	7	6	8	7	7	7	8	6	9	8	9	9
7 - PFC Santiago's Fate	Serious, Authoritative, Intense	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	7	9	8	8	9	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
8 - Arrival at the Brig	Intense, Professional, Inquisitive	8	7	8	9	9	6	8	7	8	8	9	8	7	6	7	9	8	8	8
9 - Confrontation on the Softball Field	null	0	0	0	9	0	0	8	7	0	7	0	0	7	0	0	9	8	8	8
10 - The Guantanamo Interrogation	Serious, Intense, Confrontational	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7.5	8	8	8	9	8	7	9	9	8.5	8.5	8
11 - Plea Deal Negotiations	Serious, Tense, Confrontational	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	9	7	8	9	8	7	8	9	8	8	8
12 - Reconciliation and Suspicion	Sarcastic, Confrontational, Light-hearted	8	7	7	8	9	5	8	7	6	7	6	7	7	5	9	9	8	8	8
13 - Fatherhood and Plea Deals	Serious, Reflective, Contentious	8	8	7	8	9	7	8	7	7	7	8	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
14 - Arrival at Guantanamo Bay	Serious, Tense, Authoritative	8	8	7	9	7	5	8	7	6	7	7	8	7	6	6	9	8	8	8
15 - Squad Interview	Serious, Tense, Sarcastic	8	8	8	7	8	7	8	7	8	7	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
16 - Santiago's Room	Serious, Tense, Sarcastic	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	7	8	8	8	7	6	7	9	8	8	8
17 - Confrontation at the Officers Club	Tense, Confrontational, Serious	8	9	8	9	9	8	9	8	9	9	8	9	8	7	9	9	9	8	9
18 - Confronting the Truth	Intense, Serious, Confrontational	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	9	9	8	8	8
19 - Confrontation at the Gym	Intense, Confrontational, Suspenseful	9	9	8	9	9	7	8	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	9	9	9	9	9
20 - Refusal of Plea Deal	Intense, Confrontational, Defiant	9	8	9	8.5	9	8	8	7.5	9	9	9	9	8	9	10	9	8.5	8	8
21 - The Weight of Justice	Somber, Reflective, Defiant	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	7	8	6	7	8	7	8	9	8	8	8
22 - Arraignment of Dawson and Downey	Serious, Intense, Intriguing	8	8	8	9	7	8	9	8	8	8	9	9	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
23 - Preparing for the Defense	Serious, Tense, Investigative, Reflective	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	8	8	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
24 - Trial Preparation	Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Sarcastic	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	8	8	9	8	7	6	9	9	8	8	8
25 - Late Night Preparation	Serious, Tense, Reflective	8	7	8	8	9	7	8	7	6	7	8	7	7	7	8	8	8	9	9
26 - Trial of Dawson and Downey Commences	Serious, Tense, Dramatic	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	9	9	8	9	9	8	7	9	9	9	9	9
27 - Military Trial: Investigation into Illegal Weapon Discharge	Serious, Intense, Investigative	8	8	9	9	7	6	8	7	8	8	9	9	8	6	8	9	8	8	8
28 - Santiago Poisoning Testimony	Intense, Serious, Confrontational, Emotional	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
29 - Awkward Encounter	Tense, Serious, Sarcastic	8	7	7	8	8	4	8	6	3	7	2	4	7	5	9	8	8	9	9
30 - The Code Red Revelation	Serious, Intense, Emotional, Confrontational	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
31 - Markinson's Revelation	Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational	9	8	9	9	9	8	9	8	9	8	10	9	9	8	10	9	9	8	8
32 - Planning the Next Steps	Intense, Suspenseful, Determined, Inquisitive	8	8	8	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	9	9	7	7	8	9	9	9	9
33 - A Strategic Discussion	Intense, Confrontational, Serious	8	8	8	9	8	7	8	7.5	9	9	9	9	8	8	9	9	8.5	8	8
34 - Cross-Examination of Lt. Kendrick	Intense, Confrontational, Dramatic	9	9	9	9	8	7	9	8	9	8	9	9	8	8	9	9	8	8	8
35 - Confrontation at the Motel	Intense, Suspenseful, Serious	8	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	7	7	9	8	8	8
36 - Amidst Trial Preparations, a Tragedy Unfolds	Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional	9	8	9	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	9	8	9	8	8	8
37 - Downey's Confession	Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	7.5	9	8	9	9	9	8	8	9	9	8	8.5
38 - Kaffee's Crisis	Serious, Reflective, Intense	8	7	8	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	9	8	9	8	8	8
39 - A Plan to Confront Jessep	"Defeated"	8	8	7	9	9	0	8	9	6	8	0	0	8	7	8	9	9	9	9
40 - Preparing for the Next Session	Tense, Serious, Emotional	8	8	8	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	9	8	7	9	7	8	9	9	9
41 - Colonel Jessep's Testimony	Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational	8	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	7	9	9	8	7	9	9	8	8	8
42 - Santiago's Mysterious Plans	Intense, Confrontational, Dramatic	9	8	9	8	9	8	9	8	9	8	10	9	8	8	9	9	9	9	9
43 - Kaffee's Confrontation	Intense, Confrontational, Suspenseful	9	8	9	9	9	8	9	8	9	8	10	9	8	8	10	9	8	8	8
44 - The Confrontation	Intense, Confrontational, Dramatic	9	8	9	8	9	8	9	8	10	9	9	10	8	9	10	9	9	9	9
45 - Confrontation in the Courtroom	Intense, Confrontational, Dramatic	9	8	9	8	9	8	9	8	9	8	9	9	8	9	9	9	9	9	9
46 - Bittersweet Verdict	Intense, Dramatic, Confrontational, Emotional	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	9	9	9	8	8	8
47 - A Date to Celebrate	Serious, Reflective, Light-hearted	8	8	7	8	9	8	8	7	4	5	3	7	6	6	8	9	8	9	9

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Compelling conflict
Sharp dialogue
Engaging dialogue
Establishing the legal setting and stakes
Effective portrayal of characters' emotions

Scene Weaknesses

Limited character development in this scene
Lack of significant emotional impact
Limited emotional depth
Some repetitive dialogue
Limited physical action

Suggestions

Make sure each scene is advancing the plot and developing characters in a meaningful way
Focus on creating more impactful and emotional moments throughout the script
Try to vary the dialogue and avoid repetitive elements
Consider adding more physical action to create visual interest
Spend time developing secondary characters to add depth to the overall story

World Building

Physical environment: The screenplay is set in various locations, including a military base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba; a military courtroom; and a suburban street. The physical environment is often used to create a sense of tension and suspense. For example, the military base is a harsh and unforgiving environment, and the courtroom is a place where high-stakes decisions are made. The conflicts that take place within the story are directly tied to the physical nature of the world, especially in terms of the toxic military culture.
Culture: The screenplay portrays a military culture that is characterized by strict discipline, hierarchy, and secrecy. This culture is often at odds with the characters' personal values and beliefs. For example, the main character, Kaffee, is a lawyer who believes in justice and fairness, but he must navigate a system that is often unjust and unfair. The conflict between individual and collective is a central theme of the screenplay.
Society: The screenplay depicts a society that is divided along class and racial lines. The main characters are all white, middle-class professionals, while the defendants are young, working-class Marines. This division is reflected in the way that the characters are treated by the justice system. The defendants are often treated unfairly, and their voices are often ignored.
Technology: The screenplay makes use of various technologies, including guns, telephones, and computers. These technologies are often used to create a sense of urgency and suspense. For example, the use of guns in the film is a reminder of the violence that is always present in the military. The discovery of a dead body in the film brings into stark reality the potential cost of war and conflict.
Characters influence: The world elements shape the characters' experiences and actions in a number of ways. The physical environment, for example, can be used to create a sense of isolation and claustrophobia, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and desperation. The military culture, with its emphasis on discipline and hierarchy, can lead to feelings of alienation and powerlessness. The division along class and racial lines can lead to feelings of injustice and resentment.
Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative of the screenplay in a number of ways. The physical environment, for example, can be used to create a sense of tension and suspense. The military culture, with its emphasis on secrecy and loyalty, can lead to a sense of mystery and intrigue. The division along class and racial lines can lead to a sense of conflict and division.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay in a number of ways. The physical environment, for example, can be used to explore themes of isolation and confinement. The military culture, with its emphasis on hierarchy and discipline, can be used to explore themes of authority and obedience. The division along class and racial lines can be used to explore themes of justice and equality.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice is characterized by sharp, witty dialogue, realistic character interactions, and a focus on moral dilemmas. The dialogue is fast-paced, engaging, and filled with tension, reflecting the complex dynamics between characters.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice adds depth and complexity to the screenplay, enhancing the character dynamics, exploring themes of justice, loyalty, and integrity, and creating a compelling narrative that keeps the audience engaged.
Best Representation Scene	1 - Arrival at Guantanamo Bay
Best Scene Explanation	This scene is the best representation because it showcases the writer's sharp dialogue, realistic character interactions, and focus on moral dilemmas. The fast-paced and engaging dialogue sets the tone for the screenplay, highlighting the tension and complexity of the relationships between the characters.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
High Scores correlate with Suspenseful/Intense/Confrontational Tones	Scenes with tones marked as "Suspenseful," "Intense," or "Confrontational" tend to receive higher overall grades.
High Dialogue Scores correlate with Sarcastic/Confrontational Tones	Scenes with sarcastic or confrontational tones often receive higher dialogue scores.
High Emotional Impact Scores correlate with Intense/Suspenseful Tones	Scenes marked as "Intense" or "Suspenseful" tend to have higher emotional impact scores.
High Stakes Scenes tend to have higher Character Change Scores	Scenes with higher stakes often lead to more significant character changes.
Scenes with High Stakes tend to receive higher Overall Grades	Scenes with higher stakes tend to be more engaging and receive higher overall grades.
Confrontational Scenes tend to have higher Conflict Scores	Scenes with confrontational tones typically have higher conflict scores.
Scenes that Move the Story Forward tend to have higher Plot Scores	Scenes that advance the plot tend to receive higher plot scores.
Scenes with Authoritative Tones tend to receive higher Character Scores	Scenes where characters display authority or expertise tend to have higher character scores.
Scenes with Serious Tones have higher Scores Overall	Scenes marked as "Serious" tend to receive higher overall grades compared to scenes with other tones.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The analyzed screenplay demonstrates strong writing craft, showcasing the writer's ability to create engaging and compelling scenes. The dialogue is sharp and witty, the characters are well-developed, and the pacing is effective. The writer skillfully balances humor, drama, and moral complexity, resulting in a well-rounded and thought-provoking narrative.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development and Moral Complexity

The screenplay effectively explores moral dilemmas and ethical conflicts, but further development of character motivations and backstories would enhance the emotional depth and relatability of the characters.

Dialogue

While the dialogue is strong, honing the writer's ability to create distinct character voices and subtext will elevate the dialogue and make it even more engaging and impactful.

Pacing and Structure

The pacing is well-controlled, but refining the transitions and flow between scenes can improve the overall rhythm and impact of the screenplay.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Screenplay	Read 'A Few Good Men' screenplay by Aaron Sorkin	This screenplay excels in character development, sharp dialogue, and thematic depth, providing valuable lessons for crafting compelling characters and engaging scenes.
Book	Syd Field's 'Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting'	This comprehensive guide offers techniques and insights on screenplay structure, character development, and storytelling that can help improve pacing, scene transitions, and overall narrative flow.
Exercise	Practice writing character backstories and profilesPractice In SceneProv	Exploring characters' motivations, fears, and desires in detail will enhance their depth and make their actions more believable and emotionally resonant.
Exercise	Dialogue exercises focusing on subtext and character voicePractice In SceneProv	Writing dialogue that conveys unspoken emotions and reveals character traits through subtle nuances will strengthen the impact of the dialogue and make the characters more distinct.
Exercise	Practice outlining and structuring the screenplayPractice In SceneProv	Creating a clear outline and understanding the flow of the story will enable the writer to refine the pacing, ensure smooth scene transitions, and build towards a satisfying climax and resolution.

Additional Notes: The writer's unique voice and ability to create compelling conflicts and emotional moments shine through in the screenplay. With continued focus on character development, dialogue refinement, and pacing, the writer has the potential to craft even more powerful and impactful stories.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
The Military	Several characters are marines and legal officers in the US military.	A story, usually fictional, involving life in the military or a military conflict. Often involves themes of sacrifice, courage, loyalty, and the horrors of war.
The Lawyer	Several main characters are lawyers who must defend two marines.	A protagonist or supporting character is a lawyer, often facing a difficult case or moral dilemma.
The Courtroom Drama	Much of the film revolves around a military trial.	A story set in a courtroom or other legal setting, often involving a trial or other legal proceeding.
The Whistleblower	Santiago wrote letters alleging illegal activities which started the plot of the movie.	A character who reports wrongdoing or illegal activity, often at great personal risk.
The Code of Silence	The culture of the marines prevents characters like Santiago and Howard from speaking up and they are intimidated into silence.	A social or cultural norm that prevents people from reporting wrongdoing or speaking out against authority figures.
The Honor Code	The Marines use honor as a justification for the code red.	A moral code or set of principles that guides the behavior of a group or individual.
The Power of Truth	The truth about the code red is eventually revealed and the guilty parties are held accountable.	The idea that truth is ultimately more powerful than lies and deceit.
The Triumph of the Underdog	Santiago and the defendants are lower-ranking marines who are able to stand up to their superiors and win justice.	A story in which a small or powerless character or group overcomes great odds to achieve success.
The Ensemble Cast	Several lawyers from the judge advocate are seen assisting.	A story with a large cast of characters who play significant roles.
The Mentor	Kaffee serves as a mentor to Sam.	A character who provides guidance and support to a younger or less experienced character.

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
44	Jessep: You can't handle the truth!
45	Jessep: You're goddamn right I did.
5	Kaffee: You're dismissed.
17	Jessep: You gotta ask me nicely.
18	Kaffee: Fuck you, Harold.

Some Loglines to consider:

An inexperienced lawyer is assigned to defend two Marines accused of murder, but he matures during the trial and uncovers a conspiracy involving high-ranking officials.
The trial of two Marines accused of murder takes an unexpected turn when their commanding officer confesses to ordering the code red, leading to a shocking revelation.
In a legal drama that unfolds during a trial, a skilled lawyer uncovers a conspiracy involving high-ranking officials in the military, which puts the lives of two Marines at stake.
The trial of two Marines accused of murder sets the stage for an intense legal battle, where the defense lawyer tries to prove their innocence by uncovering a web of lies and corruption.
A legal drama that follows the trial of two Marines accused of murder turns into a high-stakes case involving a conspiracy within the military, as the defense lawyer fights to clear his clients' names.

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A FEW GOOD MEN

Written by

Aaron Sorkin

Revised Third Draft
July 15, 1991
FADE IN:

EXT. A SENTRY TOWER --

-- in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere.

Small beams of light coming from lamps attached to the tower
cut through the ground mist. We HEAR all the unidentifiable
sounds of night in the woods. We also HEAR, very, very
faintly, a slow, deliberate drum cadence. And as this
starts, we begin to MOVE SLOWLY UP THE TOWER, more becomes
visible now:... the sandbags on the ground piled ten-high...
the steel, fire escape-type stairway wrapping around the
structure and leading to the lookout post, and finally...
THE LOOKOUT POST, maybe forty feet off the ground.

Standing the post is the silhouette of A MARINE. He's
holding a rifle and staring straight out.

The drum cadence has been building slightly.

CUT TO:

A WIDER SHOT OF THE FENCELINE. And we see by the moonlight
that the tall wire-mesh fence winds its way far, far into
the distance.

SUBTITLE: UNITED STATES NAVAL BASE GUANTANAMO BAY - CUBA.

The drum cadence continues, and we

CUT TO:

INT. A MARINE BARRACKS

We HEAR two pairs of footsteps and then

CUT TO:

THE BARRACKS CORRIDOR

where we see that the footsteps belong to DAWSON and DOWNEY,
two young marines who we'll get to know later. They stop
when they get to a certain door. The drum cadence is still
growing. DAWSON puts his hand on the doorknob and turns it
slowly. He opens's the door and they walk into

INT. SANTIAGO'S ROOM - NIGHT

WILLY SANTIAGO, a young, very slight marine, lies asleep in
his bunk.
2.

DAWSON kneels down by the bed, puts his hand on SANTIAGO'S
shoulder and shakes him gently. SANTIAGO opens his yes,
looks at DAWSON, and for a moment there's nothing wrong --

-- and then SANTIAGO's eyes fill with terror. He lunges out
of the bed -- but forget about it. In one flash DAWSON and
DOWNEY grab him out of bed, and before the scream can come
out, DOWNEY's shoved a piece of cloth into SANTIAGO's mouth.

Everything that happens next occurs with speed, precision
and professionalism.

-- A strip of duct tape is pulled, ripped, and slapped onto
his mouth and eyes --

-- A length of rope is wrapped around his hands and feet.

DOWNEY
(quietly)
You're lucky it's us, Willy.

-- An arm grabs him tightly around the neck, not choking
him, just holding his head still --

-- The drum cadence has built to a crescendo. We HEAR four
sharp blasts from a whistle and we

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. THE WASHINGTON NAVY YARD - DAY

and the drum cadence we've been hearing has turned into
Semper Fidelis and it's coming from THE U.S. MARINE CORPS
BAND, a sight to behold in their red and gold uniforms and
polished silver and brass.

The BAND is performing on the huge and lush parade grounds
before a crowd made up mostly of TOURISTS and DAY-CAMPERS.

As the TITLES ROLL, we watch the BAND do their thing from
various angles. Incredible precision is the name of the
game. Each polished black shoe hitting the ground as if they
were all attached by a rod. Each drumstick raised to the
same fraction of a centimeter before striking. A RIFLE DRILL
TEAM that can't possibly be human. Flags, banners, the
works.

SUBTITLE: THE WASHINGTON NAVY YARD, WASHINGTON, D.C.

CUT TO:

HIGH ANGLE of the entire band an we end credits.

CUT TO:
3.

EXT. A RED BRICK BUILDING - DAY

It's an important building, a main building. A few SAILORS
enter and exit and

CUT TO:

A WOMAN

as she walks across the courtyard toward the brick building.
The WOMAN is JOANNE GALLOWAY, a navy lawyer in her early
She's bright, attractive, impulsive, and has a tendency to
speak quickly. If she had any friends, they'd call her JO.
As she walks, she mutters to herself ...

JO
I'm requesting... I'm... Captain,
I'd like to request that I be the
attorney assigned to rep -- I'd
like to request that it be myself
who is assigned to represent --
(she stops)
"That it be myself who is assigned
to represent"? ...Good, Jo, that's
confidence inspiring.

We follow JO, still muttering, as she walks into the brick
building which bears the seal of the

UNITED STATES NAVY - JUDGE ADVOCATE GENERAL'S CORPS

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Suspenseful, Intense, Professional

Summary The scene begins with a Marine on duty in a Guantanamo Bay watchtower. Marines Dawson and Downey enter a barracks and subdue Santiago. Meanwhile, the US Marine Corps Band performs at the Washington Navy Yard and Navy lawyer Joanne Galloway enters the Judge Advocate General's Corps building.

Strengths

Effective setting and atmosphere
Strong conflict and tension
Professionalism of characters

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this scene

General Critique

The scene opens with a Marine standing guard in a sentry tower in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, which sets a tense and mysterious tone.
The forcible restraint of Marine Santiago by Dawson and Downey is a powerful and dramatic moment, but the transition to the U.S. Marine Corps Band performing at the Washington Navy Yard feels abrupt and disjointed.
The introduction of Joanne Galloway as a navy lawyer adds a new dynamic to the scene, but the shift in location and characters could be smoother.
The scene lacks a clear connection between the different elements introduced, making it feel disjointed and lacking in cohesion.
The pacing of the scene could be improved to create a more seamless flow between the different locations and characters.
There is a lack of clarity in the purpose and direction of the scene, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the story.
The scene could benefit from more development of the characters and their motivations to create a stronger emotional impact on the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the transitions between locations and characters to create a more cohesive and seamless flow.
Clarify the purpose and direction of the scene to ensure that each element serves a clear narrative function.
Develop the characters and their motivations further to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
Work on the pacing of the scene to maintain the audience's engagement and build tension effectively.
Consider revising the structure of the scene to improve the overall coherence and impact of the storytelling.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. WEST'S OFFICE - DAY

As JO enters. CAPTAIN WEST and two other officers, GIBBS
and LAWRENCE, sit around a conference table.

GIBBS
Jo, come on in.

JO
Thank you, sir.

GIBBS
Captain West, this is Lt. Commander
Galloway. Jo, you know Mike
Lawrence.

JO
Yes sir.
(to WEST)
Captain, I appreciate your seeing
me on such short notice.
4.

WEST
I understand there was some trouble
over the weekend down in Cuba.

JO
Yes sir... This past Friday
evening. Two marines, Corporal
Harold Dawson and Private Louden
Downey, entered the barracks room
of a PFC William Santiago and
assaulted him. Santiago died at the
base hospital approximately an hour
later. The NIS agent who took their
statements maintains they were
trying to prevent Santiago from
naming them in a fenceline shooting
incident. They're scheduled to have
a hearing down in Cuba at 4:00 this
afternoon.

LAWRENCE
What's the problem?

JO
Dawson and Downey are both
recruiting poster marines and
Santiago was known to be a screw-
up. I was thinking that it sounded
an awful lot like a code red.

Jo lets this sink in a moment.

WEST
(under his breath)
Christ.

JO
I'd like them moved up to
Washington and assigned counsel.
Someone who can really look into
this. Someone who possesses not
only the legal skill, but a
familiarity with the inner workings
of the military. In short, Captain,
I'd like to suggest that... I be
the one who, that it be me who is
assigned to represent them.
(beat)
Myself.

Jo looks around the room for a response.
5.

WEST
Joanne, why don't you get yourself
a cup of coffee.

JO
Thank you, sir, I'm fine.

WEST
Joanne, I'd like you to leave the
room so we can talk about you
behind your back.

JO
Certainly, sir.

JO gets up and walks out.

WEST
I thought this Code Red shit wasn't
going on anymore.

LAWRENCE
With the marines at GITMO? Who the
hell knows what goes on down there.

WEST
Well lets find out before the rest
of the world does, this thing could
get messy. What about this woman?

LAWRENCE
Jo's been working a desk at
internal affairs for what, almost a
year now.

WEST
And before that?

GIBBS
She disposed of three cases in two
years.

WEST
Three cases in two years? Who was
she handling, the Rosenbergs?

GIBBS
She's not cut out for litigation.

LAWRENCE
She's a hall of an investigator,
Jerry --
6.

GIBBS
In Internal Affairs, sure. She can
crawl up a lawyer's ass with the
best of 'em, but when it comes to
trial work --

WEST
I know. All passion, no street
smarts. Bring her back in.

LAWRENCE goes to the door and motions for JO to come back
in.

WEST
(continuing)
Commander, we're gonna move the
defendants up here in the morning.

JO
Thank you, sir.

WEST
And I'll have Division assign them
counsel...

JO
(beat)
But... not me.

WEST
From what I understand from your
colleagues, you're much too
valuable in your present assignment
to be wasted on what I'm sure will
boil down to a five minute plea
bargain and a week's worth of paper
work.

JO
Sir --

WEST
Don't worry about it. I promise
you, division'll assign the right
man for the job.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal
Tone: Serious, Tense, Professional

Summary Lt. Commander Galloway requests to represent accused marines in a code red case, but her request is denied due to lack of trial experience.

Strengths

Strong character dynamics
Compelling conflict
Realistic dialogue

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some cliched dialogue

General Critique

The scene provides necessary exposition and sets up the conflict surrounding the assault and death of PFC Santiago, as well as the potential Code Red involvement.
There is good tension and intrigue established through the discussion of the code red and Jo's request to represent the accused marines.
The dialogue is informative and moves the plot forward, but it could benefit from more depth and emotional resonance.
The scene lacks visual elements and physical actions that could enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
There is a lack of subtext and nuance in the interactions between the characters, making the scene feel somewhat flat and straightforward.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more subtext and emotional depth to the dialogue to make the scene more engaging and impactful.
Incorporate physical actions or visual cues to enhance the storytelling and create a more dynamic scene.
Consider adding layers to the characters' motivations and relationships to increase the complexity of the scene.
Explore opportunities for conflict and tension within the dialogue to create a more compelling interaction between the characters.
Work on balancing exposition with character development to ensure the scene is both informative and emotionally resonant.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD - DAY

THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB

His name is LIEUTENANT JUNIOR GRADE DANIEL ALLISTAIR KAFFEE,
and it's almost impossible not to like him.
7.

At the moment he's hitting fungoes to about a dozen LAWYERS
who are spread out on the softball field on a corner of the
bass. The '27 Yankees they're not, but they could probably
hold their own against a group of, say, Airforce dentists.

KAFFEE's in his late 20's, 15 months out of Harvard Law
School, and a brilliant legal mind waiting for a courageous
spirit to drive it. He is, at this point in his life,
passionate about nothing... except maybe softball.

KAFFEE
(calling out to the team)
Alright, let's get two!

He smacks one to the SECOND BASE. The ball bounces right
between his legs.

SECOND BASE
Sorry!

KAFFEE
Nothing to be sorry about, Sherby.
Just look the ball into your glove.

He smacks one out to the same place. It bounces off the heel
of SHERBY's glove and into center field.

SECOND BASE (SHERBY)
Sorry!

KAFFEE
You gotta trust me, Sherby. You
keep your eyes open, your chances
of catching the ball increase by a
factor of ten.

SPRADLING, a young naval officer, sweaty and out of breath,
walks up behind the backstop.

SPRADLING
Kaffee!

KAFFEE
Let's try it again.

SPRADLING
Kaffee!!

KAFFEE
(turning)
Dave. You seem upset and
distraught.
8.

SPRADLING
We were supposed to meet in your
office 15 minutes ago to talk about
the McDermott case. You're stalling
on this thing. Now we got this done
and I mean now, or no kidding,
Kaffee, I'll hang your boy from a
fuckin' yardarm.

KAFFEE
A yardarm?
(calling out)
Sherby, does the Navy still hang
people from yardarms?

SHERBY
(calling back)
I don't think so, Danny.

KAFFEE
(back to SPRADLING)
Dave, Sherby doesn't think the Navy
hangs people from yardarms anymore.
(back to the field)
Let's go, let's get two!

He goes back to hitting fungoes.

SPRADLING
I'm gonna charge him with
possession and being under the
influence while on duty. Plead
guilty and I'll recommend 30 days
in the brig with loss of rank and
pay.

KAFFEE
It was oregano, Dave, it was ten
dollars worth of oregano.

SPRADLING
Yeah, well your client thought it
was marijuana.

KAFFEE
My client's a moron, that's not
against the law.

Swapp! The THIRD BASEMAN takes one in the face.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Ow. That had to hurt.
(calling out)
9.

Way to keep your head in the play,
Lester. Walk it off!

SPRADLING
I've got people to answer to just
like you, I'm gonna charge him.

KAFFEE
With what, possession of a
condiment?

SPRADLING
Kaffee --

KAFFEE
Dave, I've tried to help you out of
this, but if you ask for tall time,
I'm gonna file a motion to dismiss.

SPRADLING
You won't got it.

KAFFEE
I will get it. And if the MTD is
denied, I'll file a motion in
liminee seeking to obtain
evidentiary ruling in advance, and
after that I'm gonna file against
pre-trial confinement, and you're
gonna spend an entire summer going
blind on paperwork because a
Signalman Second Class bought and
smoked a dime bag of oregano.

SPRADLING
B Misdemeanor, 20 days in the brig.

KAFFEE
C Misdemeanor, 15 days restricted
duty.

SPRADLING
I don't know why I'm agreeing to
this.

KAFFEE
'Cause you have wisdom beyond your
years. Dave, can you play third
base?

Genres: Legal Drama, Comedy
Tone: Sarcastic, Light-hearted, Confrontational

Summary During a softball game, Kaffee and Spradling debate the McDermott case. Kaffee argues for a lenient plea deal, while Spradling insists on harsh charges. Despite their disagreement, they negotiate a compromise and Kaffee agrees to play third base in the game.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character dynamics
Humor

Weaknesses

Low emotional impact

General Critique

The scene opens with a light-hearted tone, but the transition to a serious conversation about the McDermott case feels abrupt and disjointed.
The dialogue between Kaffee and Spradling lacks depth and complexity, making it feel superficial and lacking in tension.
The humor injected into the scene with references to hanging people from yardarms and possession of oregano detracts from the gravity of the situation being discussed.
The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, with the softball game serving as a distracting backdrop to the important conversation about the legal case.
The character interactions feel forced and unnatural, with Kaffee's responses coming across as flippant and unprofessional.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider establishing a more consistent tone throughout the scene to ensure a smooth transition from light-hearted moments to serious discussions.
Focus on developing more meaningful and engaging dialogue between Kaffee and Spradling to create tension and depth in their interaction.
Avoid using humor that undermines the seriousness of the legal case being discussed, as it can detract from the impact of the scene.
Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that the dialogue and interactions serve to advance the plot and develop the characters.
Work on making the character interactions more authentic and realistic to enhance the believability of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

About 16 NAVY AND MARINE LAWYERS (several of whom are women)
are taking their seats around a large conference table.
10.

A PARALEGAL is handing out folders and some photocopied
papers to the LAWYERS.

We might notice that one of the lawyers is Lieutenant Junior
Grade SAM WEINBERG. Sam's serious and studious looking. If
he weren't in uniform, you wouldn't guess that he was a
naval officer.

CAPTAIN WHITAKER walks in.

WHITAKER
'Morning.

LAWYERS
(school class)
'Morning Captain Whitaker.

WHITAKER
Sam, how's the baby?

SAM
I think she's ready to say her
first word any day now.

WHITAKER
How can you tell?

SAM
She just looks like she has
something to say.

KAFFEE walks in.

KAFFEE
Excuse me, sorry I'm late.

WHITAKER
I'm sure you don't have a good
excuse, so I won't force you to
come up with a bad one.

KAFFEE
Thank you, Isaac, that's nice of
you.

WHITAKER
Sit-down, this first one's for you.

He hands KAFFEE some files.
11.

WHITAKER
(continuing)
You're moving up in the world,
Danny, you've been requested by
Division.

"Oooh"'s and "Ahhh"'S from the other LAWYERS. (Subtle Note:
Kaffee doesn't want to move up in the world.)

KAFFEE
Requested to do what?

WHITAKER hands him a file.

WHITAKER
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. A marine
corporal named Dawson illegally
fires a round from his weapon over
the fenceline and into Cuban
territory.

KAFFEE
What's a fenceline?

WHITAKER
Sam?

SAM
A big wall separating the good guys
from the bad guys.

KAFFEE
Teachers pet.

WHITAKER
PFC William Santiago threatens to
rat on Dawson to the Naval
investigative Service. Dawson and
another member of his squad, PFC
Louden Downey, they go into
Santiago's room, tie him up, and
stuff a rag down his throat. An
hour later, Santiago's dead.
Attending physician says the rag
was treated with some kind of
toxin.

KAFFEE
They poisoned the rag?

WHITAKER
Not according to them.
12.

KAFFEE
What do they say?

WHITAKER
Not much. They're being flown up
here tomorrow and on Thursday at
you'll catch a transport down to
Cuba for the day to find out what
you can. Meantime, go across the
yard and see Lt. Commander Joanne
Galloway. She's the one who had 'em
brought up here. She'll fill you in
on whatever she has. Any questions?

KAFFEE
The flight to Cuba, was that 0600
in the morning, sir?

WHITAKER
It seems important to Division that
this one be handled by the book, so
I'm assigning co-counsel. Any
volunteers?

SAM
No.

WHITAKER
Sam.

SAM
I have a stack of paper on my desk -
-

WHITAKER
Work with Kaffee on this.

SAM
Doing what? Kaffee'll finish this
up in four days.

WHITAKER
Do various... administrative... you
know... things. Back-up. Whatever.

SAM
In other words I have no
responsibilities whatsoever.

WHITAKER
Right.
13.

SAM
My kinda case.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal
Tone: Serious, Studious, Sarcastic, Informative

Summary In a conference room, Captain Whitaker briefs Navy and Marine lawyers on the case of Marine Corporal Dawson and PFC Louden Downey, accused of killing PFC William Santiago by tying him up and stuffing a toxin-treated rag down his throat. Lieutenant Kaffee is reluctantly assigned as lead counsel, with Lieutenant Junior Grade Sam Weinberg as co-counsel. Weinberg protests his lack of responsibilities, and Kaffee questions the timing of the flight to Cuba, ending the scene.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Informative exposition
Establishing the legal setting and stakes

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Minimal character development

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the gravity of the situation being discussed.
The dialogue feels a bit too casual and lacks the necessary weight for a scene involving a serious crime like murder.
There is a lack of visual elements or actions described in the scene, making it feel static and unengaging.
The character interactions could be more dynamic and engaging to draw the audience in.
The scene could benefit from more conflict or tension between the characters to make it more compelling.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more urgency and tension to the scene to reflect the seriousness of the situation being discussed.
Revise the dialogue to be more impactful and weighty, reflecting the gravity of the crime being described.
Introduce more visual elements or actions to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
Enhance the character interactions to make them more compelling and draw the audience in.
Introduce more conflict or tension between the characters to make the scene more engaging and impactful.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. JO'S OFFICE - DAY

JO sits behind her desk. KAFFEE and SAM stand in the
doorway. KAFFEE knocks politely.

JO looks up.

KAFFEE
Hi.
(beat)
I'm Daniel Kaffee. I was told to
meet with --
(checks notes)
-- Commander Galloway.

JO is staring at him. KAFFEE doesn't know why.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
About a briefing.

JO is finding this hard to believe.

JO
You're the attorney that Division
assigned?

KAFFEE
I'm lead counsel. This is Sam
Weinberg.

SAM
I have no responsibilities here
whatsoever.

JO's deeply puzzled.

JO
(beat)
Come in, please, have a seat...

KAFFEE and SAM come into the office and sit.

JO
(continuing)
Lieutenant, how long have you been
in the Navy?
14.

KAFFEE
Going on nine months now.

JO
And how long have you been out of
law school?

KAFFEE
A little over a year.

JO
(beat)
I see.

KAFFEE
Have I done something wrong?

JO
No. It's just that when I
petitioned Division to have counsel
assigned, I was hoping I'd be taken
seriously.

KAFFEE and SAM exchange a look.

KAFFEE
(to JO)
No offense taken, if you were
wondering.

SAM
Commander, Lt. Kaffee's generally
considered the best litigator in
our office. He's successfully plea
bargained 44 cases in nine months.

KAFFEE
One more, and I got a set of steak
knives.

JO
Have you ever been in a courtroom?

KAFFEE
I once had my drivers license
suspended.

SAM
Danny --
15.

KAFFEE
Commander, from what I understand,
if this thing goes to court, they
won't need a lawyer, they'll need a
priest.

JO
No. They'll need a lawyer.

During this, she'll hand KAFFEE a series of files, which
KAFFEE will pass To SAM without even glancing at them.

JO
(continuing)
Dawson's family has been contacted.
Downey's closest living relative is
Ginny Miller, his aunt on his
mother's side, she hasn't been
Contacted yet.

None of this really means anything to KAFFEE.

JO
(continuing)
Would you like me to take care of
that?

KAFFEE
Sure, if you feel like it.

JO takes another beat to size this guy up.

JO
One of the people you'll be
speaking to down there is the
barracks C.O., Colonel Nathan
Jessep, I assume you've heard of
him.

KAFFEE
(beat)
Who hasn't?

SAM
(to KAFFEE)
He's been in the papers lately.
He's expected to be appointed
Director of Operations for the
National Security Counsel.

Passing KAFFEE another file --
16.

JO
These are letters that Santiago
wrote in his 8 months at GITMO --

SAM
(whispering to kaffee)
Guantanamo Bay.

KAFFEE
I know that one.

JO
He wrote to his recruiter, the
fleet commander, HQ, Atlantic, even
his senator. He wanted a transfer.
Nobody was listening. You with me?

KAFFEE
Yes.

JO
This last letter to the Naval
investigative Service --

She hands it to KAFFEE who hands it to Sam --

JO
(continuing)
-- where he offers information
about Corporal Dawson's fenceline
shooting in exchange for a
transfer, was just a last ditch
effort.

KAFFEE
Right. Is that all?

JO
(beat)
Lieutenant, this letter makes it
look like your client had a motive
to kill Santiago.

KAFFEE
Gotcha.
(beat)
And Santiago is... who?

JO
(beat)
The victim.
17.

KAFFEE
(to SAM)
Write that down.
(to JO)
Am I correct in assuming that these
letters don't paint a flattering
picture of marine corps life in
Guantanamo Bay?

JO
Yes, among other --

KAFFEE
And am I further right in assuming
that a protracted investigation of
this incident might cause some
embarrassment for the security
counsel guy.

JO
Colonel Jessep, yes, but --

KAFFEE
Twelve years.

JO
I'm sorry?

KAFFEE
Twelve years. I can get it knocked
down to Involuntary Manslaughter.
Twelve years.

JO
You haven't talked to a witness,
you haven't looked at a piece of
paper.

KAFFEE
Pretty impressive, huh?

JO
You're gonna have to go deeper than
just --

KAFFEE
Commander, do you have some sort of
jurisdiction here that I should
know about?

JO
My job is to make sure you do your
job.
18.

I'm special counsel for Internal
Affairs, so my jurisdiction's
pretty much in your face. Read the
letters. You're not under any
obligation, but I'd appreciate a
report when you get back from Cuba.

KAFFEE
Sure.

KAFFEE gets up without waiting for JO to say --

JO
You're dismissed.

KAFFEE
Sorry, I always forget that.

KAFFEE's gone. SAM's standing in the doorway.

SAM
He's a little preoccupied.
(beat)
The team's playing Bethesda Medical
next week.

JO
Tell your friend not to get cute
down there. The marines in
Guantanimo are fanatical.

SAM
About what?

And in VOICE OVER we HEAR --

SANTIAGO (V.O.)
Dear Sir,

JO
About being marines.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery
Tone: Serious, Intense, Professional

Summary Lieutenant Kaffee and Lieutenant Weinberg receive the case files for the murder of Private First Class Santiago from Commander Galloway, despite Kaffee's lack of experience. They quickly realize that letters written by Santiago before his death could potentially be damaging to the prosecution's case.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Effective character introductions
Intriguing setup for the legal drama

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth in some moments

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the gravity of the situation being discussed.
There is a lack of emotional depth in the interactions between the characters, particularly in Jo's reaction to Kaffee's lack of experience.
The dialogue feels somewhat flat and lacks the sharp wit or clever banter that could make the scene more engaging.
The scene could benefit from more visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue-heavy nature of the interaction.
The character dynamics between Kaffee, Sam, and Jo could be further developed to create more interesting and dynamic relationships.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more conflict and tension to the scene to make it more engaging for the audience.
Explore the emotional reactions of the characters more deeply to add layers to their interactions.
Consider adding more humor or clever dialogue to make the scene more entertaining.
Incorporate visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue and create a more dynamic scene.
Further develop the character dynamics to create more interesting relationships and interactions.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. CUBAN FIELD - DAY

SERIES OF SHOTS - DAY

And while we HEAR the letter read in V.O., what we're seeing
is this: SANTIAGO's life in Guantanimo Bay over the last 8
months. He had a rough time of it.

THE SHOTS
SHOULD INCLUDE:
19.

-- SANTIAGO running along at the rear of a group of MARINES.
It's been over seven miles and he's matted with sweat. A
SERGEANT runs up along side, grabs his back, and pushes him
to keep up with the group. SANTIAGO falls, struggles to get
back up and keep running, and

CUT TO:

EXT. MARINE BARRACKS - DAY

-- SANTIAGO doing push-ups alone in the rain. He's being
supervised by a SERGEANT who sees to it that his face hits
the mud every time down and

CUT TO:

INT. MESS HALL - DAY

-- SANTIAGO sitting alone in the mess hall, not a friend
within four seats of him and

CUT TO:

EXT. MARINE BARRACKS - DAY

-- SANTIAGO being chewed out by a Lieutenant in front of his
squad and

CUT TO:

EXT. ROCKY HILL - DAY

-- SANTIAGO running with the squad of MARINES again, this
time down a rocky hill. It's hot as hell and it looks like
he's gonna pass out.

He stumbles, and the SERGEANT picks him up and pushes him
down the hill. He rolls about 30 feet before he stops. Over
this, we HEAR

SANTIAGO (V.O.)
"...My name is PFC William T.
Santiago. I am a marine stationed
at Marine Barracks, Rifle Security
Company Windward, Second Platoon
Delta. I am writing to inform you
of my problems with my unit here in
Cuba and to ask for your help. I've
fallen out on runs before for
several reasons such as feeling
dizzy or nauseated, but on May
18th, I'd fallen back about 20 or
30 yards going down a rocky,
unstable hill.
20.

My sergeant grabbed me and pushed
me down the hill. Then I saw all
black and the last thing I remember
is hitting the deck. I was brought
to the hospital where I was told I
just had heat exhaustion and was
explained to by the doctor that my
body has trouble with the hot sun
and I hyperventilate. I ask you to
help me. Please sir. I just need to
be transferred out of RSC.
Sincerely. PFC William T. Santiago.
U.S. Marine Corps."

At this point, with SANTIAGO's letter still in V.O., we

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal, Military
Tone: Serious, Intense, Emotional

Summary Over the past eight months, Santiago, a PFC marine, has endured harsh treatment in Guantanamo Bay. He has been pressured to keep up with a running group, forced to do push-ups in the rain, isolated in the mess hall, and verbally abused by a Lieutenant. The stress culminated in him being pushed down a rocky hill, resulting in heat exhaustion. In response, Santiago has written a letter to his commanding officer, outlining his struggles and requesting assistance.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Setting up key evidence

Weaknesses

Limited action
Heavy exposition

General Critique

The scene effectively portrays the harsh and challenging conditions that Santiago has been enduring in Guantanamo Bay over the past 8 months. The series of shots showing Santiago running, doing push-ups in the rain, being isolated in the mess hall, getting chewed out by a Lieutenant, and being pushed down a rocky hill effectively convey the physical and emotional toll he has been experiencing.
The use of voice-over with Santiago's letter being read adds depth to the scene and provides insight into Santiago's perspective and struggles. This helps to humanize the character and create empathy from the audience.
The visual descriptions in the scene are vivid and help to paint a clear picture of Santiago's difficult circumstances. The progression of shots from running to push-ups to isolation to being pushed down a hill effectively shows the escalating challenges he faces.
The scene effectively sets up the context for the subsequent events in the screenplay, laying the foundation for understanding Santiago's situation and the motivations behind his actions.
Overall, the scene effectively conveys the hardships faced by Santiago and sets the stage for the unfolding narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a bit more variety in the shots to break up the repetitive nature of Santiago's challenges. This could help maintain the audience's engagement and interest.
Explore ways to visually represent Santiago's internal struggles and emotions in addition to his physical challenges. This could add depth to his character and enhance the audience's connection with him.
Consider incorporating subtle visual cues or symbolism to enhance the themes of isolation, struggle, and perseverance in Santiago's story.
Ensure that the voice-over narration of Santiago's letter does not overpower the visual storytelling. Find a balance between the two elements to maintain a cohesive and engaging narrative.
Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or reaction from Santiago after each challenge he faces to provide insight into his mindset and emotional state.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. JESSEP'S OFFICE - DAY

THE LETTER - DAY

It's the last paragraph of the letter we've been hearing,
and at the moment, we can't see the hands that are holding
it.

SANTIAGO (V.O.)
"P.S. In exchange for my transfer
off the base, I'm willing to
provide you with information about
an illegal fenceline shooting that
occurred the night of August 2nd."

And as these last words are spoken, we PULL BACK TO REVEAL
COLONEL NATHAN R. JESSEP, who drops the letter he's been
reading on his desk, where it joins a stack of other letters
just like it.

JESSEP's a born leader, considered in many circles to be one
of the real fair-haired boys of the Corps. He's smart as a
whip with a sense of humor to match. As soon as he drops the
letter, he says

JESSEP
Who the fuck is PFC William T.
Santiago.

He's talking to his two senior officers. CAPTAIN MARKINSON
is in his late 40's. He's a career marine and a nice guy in
a world where nice guys may not finish last, but they sure
as shit don't finish first. Lt. JONATHAN JAMES KENDRICK is
from Georgia, and an Academy graduate.
21.

If you asked him he'd tell you that the gates to heaven are
guarded by the U.S. Marine Corps.

KENDRICK
Sir, Santiago is a member of Second
Platoon, Delta.

JESSEP
Yeah, well, apparently he's not
very happy down here at Shangri-La,
cause he's written letters to
everyone but Santa Claus asking for
a transfer. And now he's telling
tales about a fenceline shooting.

He tosses the letter over to MARKINSON. MARKINSON is looking
it over. JESSEP is waiting for a response.

JESSEP
(continuing)
Matthew?

MARKINSON
I'm appalled, sir.

JESSEP
You're appalled? This kid broke the
Chain of Command and he ratted on a
man of his unit, to say nothing of
the fact that he's a U.S. Marine
and it would appear that he can't
run from here to there without
collapsing from heat exhaustion.
What the fuck's going on over at
Windward, Matthew?

MARKINSON
Colonel, I think perhaps it would
be better to hold this discussion
in private.

KENDRICK
That won't be necessary, Colonel,
I'll handle the situation.

MARKINSON
The same way you handled the Curtis
Barnes incident? You're doing
something wrong, Lieutenant this --

KENDRICK
My methods of leadership are --
22.

MARKINSON
Don't interrupt me, I'm still your
superior officer.

JESSEP
And I'm yours, Matthew.

The room calms down for a moment.

JESSEP
(continuing)
I want to know what we're gonna do
about this.

MARKINSON
I think Santiago should be
transferred off the base. Right
away.

JESSEP
He's that bad, huh?

MARKINSON
Not only that, but word of this
letter's bound to get out. The
kid's gonna get his ass kicked.

JESSEP
Transfer Santiago. Yes I suppose
you're right. I suppose that's the
thing to do. Wait. Wait. I've got a
better idea. Let's transfer the
whole squad off the base. Let's --
on second thought -- Windward. The
whole Windward division, let's
transfer 'em off the base. Jon, go
on out there and get those boys
down off the fence, they're packing
their bags.
(calling out)
Tom!

The ORDERLY cones in from the outer office.

ORDERLY
Sir!

JESSEP
Got me the President on the phone,
we're surrendering our position in
Cuba.

ORDERLY
Yes sir!
23.

JESSEP
Wait a minute, Tom.

The ORDERLY stops.

JESSEP
(continuing)
Don't call the President just yet.
Maybe we should consider this for a
second. Maybe -- and I'm just spit
balling here -- but maybe we as
officers have a responsibility to
train Santiago. Maybe we as
officers have a responsibility to
this country to see that the men
and women charged with its security
are trained professionals. Yes. I'm
certain I once read that somewhere.
And now I'm thinking that your
suggestion of transferring
Santiago, while expeditious, and
certainly painless, might not be in
a manner of speaking, the American
way. Santiago stays where he is.
We're gonna train the lad. You're
in charge, Jon. Santiago doesn't
make 4.1 on his next fitness
report, I'm gonna blame you. Then
I'm gonna kill you.

KENDRICK
Yes sir.

MARKINSON
I think that's a mistake, Colonel.

JESSEP
Matthew, I believe I will have that
word in private with you now. Jon,
that's all. Why don't you and I
have lunch at the "O" club, we'll
talk about the training of young
William.

KENDRICK
Yes sir, I'd be delighted to hear
any suggestions you have.

JESSEP
Dismissed.

KENDRICK is gone.
24.

JESSEP
(continuing)
Matthew, sit, please.

MARKINSON sits.

JESSEP
(continuing)
What do you think of Kendrick?

MARKINSON
(beat)
I don't know that --

JESSEP
I think he's kind of a weasel,
myself. But he's an awfully good
officer, and in the end we see eye
to eye on the best way to run a
marine corps unit. We're in the
business of saving lives, Matthew.
That's a responsibility we have to
take pretty seriously. And I
believe that taking a marine who's
not yet up to the job and packing
him off to another assignment, puts
lives in danger.

MARKINSON starts to stand --

JESSEP
(continuing)
Matthew, siddown.
(beat)
We go back a while. We went to the
Academy together, we were
commissioned together, we did our
tours in Vietnam together. But I've
been promoted up through the chain
with greater speed and success than
you have. Now if that's a source of
tension or embarrassment for you,
well, I don't give a shit. We're in
the business of saving lives,
Captain Markinson. Don't ever
question my orders in front of
another officer.

JESSEP grabs his hat and walks out, leaving MARKINSON
sitting all alone, and we

CUT TO:
25.

Genres: Drama, Military
Tone: Serious, Authoritative, Intense

Summary Colonel Jessep receives a letter from PFC Santiago regarding an illegal shooting incident. Despite Captain Markinson's suggestion to transfer Santiago, Jessep asserts his authority and decides to keep him for training, emphasizing the priority of saving lives. The scene ends with Jessep leaving the office, leaving Markinson alone.

Strengths

Strong dialogue
Intense conflict
Effective establishment of themes and conflicts

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with a lot of dialogue that doesn't contribute significantly to the plot or character development.
The characters' interactions feel forced and lack depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with them.
The dialogue is overly verbose and lacks subtlety, making the scene feel heavy-handed and unrealistic.
There is a lack of visual storytelling and descriptive elements, making the scene feel stagnant and unengaging.
The conflict between the characters is not well-defined or compelling, leading to a lack of tension and interest in the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on streamlining the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.
Add more visual elements and descriptive details to create a more immersive and engaging scene.
Develop the characters' motivations and relationships to add depth and complexity to their interactions.
Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves to advance the plot or develop the characters.
Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the dialogue to make the scene feel more realistic and engaging.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. WASHINGTON NAVY YARD - MAIN GATE - DAY

It's maybe a little hazier today than it was yesterday. An
M.P. is waving a procession of three Military Police sedans
and a fourth unmarked car through the gate. The cars drive
through and we

CUT TO:

EXT. THE BRIG - DAY

Another red-brick building. A few M.P.Is stand out front as
the cars pull up. As soon as they come to a stop, all the
doors swing open and various uniformed and non-uniformed
officers hop out and move to the unmarked sedan where they
escort DAWSON and DOWNEY, in handcuffs, out of the car.
HAROLD DAWSON's a handsome, young, black corporal. Intense,
controlled, and utterly professional.

LOUDEN DOWNEY's a 19-year-old kid off an Iowa farm. He's
happiest when someone is telling him exactly what to do.

DAWSON's his hero.

The two prisoners stand still for a moment. They might as
we'll be in Oz.

DOWNEY
Hal?

DAWSON doesn't say anything.

DOWNEY
(continuing)
Is this Washington, D.C.?

M.P.

Alright, let's move.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal, Mystery
Tone: Intense, Professional, Inquisitive

Summary A procession of military vehicles arrives at the Washington Navy Yard. Dawson and Downey, two young soldiers, are escorted out of an unmarked sedan. Dawson, a corporal, remains silent, while Downey, a farm boy from Iowa, looks to him for guidance. The scene ends as the M.P. orders them to move.

Strengths

Effective introduction of key characters
Establishment of tone and setting
Advancement of plot

Weaknesses

Lack of significant emotional impact
Limited character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed.
There is a lack of context or background information provided about Dawson and Downey, which could make it difficult for the audience to fully understand their characters.
The dialogue between Dawson and Downey feels a bit flat and could use more depth to showcase their relationship and emotions.
The visual descriptions are minimal and could be enhanced to create a more vivid and engaging scene.
The scene could benefit from more tension or conflict to keep the audience engaged and interested in the characters.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief transition or establishing shot to connect this scene more smoothly with the previous one.
Provide some background information or context about Dawson and Downey to help the audience connect with their characters.
Enhance the dialogue between Dawson and Downey to reveal more about their relationship and emotions.
Add more visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the setting and characters.
Introduce some tension or conflict in the scene to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD - DAY

and KAFFEE's at it again.

KAFFEE
Alright, let's get tough out there!

JO walks up from behind the backstop.

JO
Excuse me.
26.

KAFFEE
You want to suit up? We need all
the help we can get.

JO
No, thank you, I can't throw and
catch things.

KAFFEE
That's okay, neither can they.

JO
I wanted to talk to you about
Corporal Dawson and Private Downey.

KAFFEE
Say again?

JO
Dawson and Downey.

KAFFEE
(beat)
Those names sound like they should
mean something to me, but I'm just
not --

JO
Dawson! Downey! Your clients!

KAFFEE
The Cuba thing! Yes! Dawson and
Downey.
(beat)
Right.
(pause)
I've done something wrong again,
haven't I?

JO
I was wondering why two guys have
been in a jail cell since this
morning while their lawyer is
outside hitting a ball.

KAFFEE
We need the practice.

JO
That wasn't funny.

KAFFEE
It was a little funny.
27.

JO
Lieutenant, would you feel very
insulted if I recommended to your
supervisor that he assign different
counsel?

KAFFEE
Why?

JO
I don't think you're fit to handle
this defense.

KAFFEE
You don't even know me. Ordinarily
it takes someone hours to discover
I'm not fit to handle a defense.

Jo just stares.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Oh come on, that was damn funny.

Jo moves close to KAFFEE to say this with a degree of
confidentiality.

JO
I do know you. Daniel AlliStair
Kaffee, born June 8th, 1964 at
Boston Mercy Hospital. Your
father's Lionel Kaffee, former Navy
Judge Advocate and Attorney
General, of the United States, died
1985. You went to Harvard Law on a
Navy scholarship, probably because
that's what your father wanted you
to do, and now you're just treading
water for the three years you've
gotta serve in the JAG Corps, just
kinda layin' low til you can get
out and get a real job. And if
that's the situation, that's fine,
I won't tell anyone. But my feeling
is that if this case is handled in
the same fast-food, slick-ass,
Persian Bazaar manner with which
you seem to handle everything else,
something's gonna get missed.
28.

And I wouldn't be doing my job if I
allowed Dawson and Downey to spend
any more time in prison than
absolutely necessary, because their
attorney had pre- determined the
path of least resistance.

KAFFEE can't help but be impressed by that speech.

KAFFEE
Wow.
(beat)
I'm sexually aroused, Commander.

JO
I don't think your clients murdered
anybody.

KAFFEE
What are you basing this on?

JO
There was no intent.

KAFFEE
The doctor's report says that
Santiago died of asphyxiation
brought on by acute lactic
acidosis, and that the nature of
the acidosis strongly suggests
poisoning.
(beat)
Now, I don't know what any of that
means, but it sounds pretty bad.

JO
Santiago died at one a.m. At three
the doctor was unable to determine
the cause of death, but two hours
later he said it was poison.

KAFFEE
Oh, now I see what you're saying.
It had to be Professor Plum in the
library with the candlestick.

JO
I'm gonna speak to your supervisor.

KAFFEE
Okay. You go straight up
Pennsylvania Avenue. It's a big
white house with pillars in front.
29.

JO
Thank you.

KAFFEE
I don't think you'll have much
luck, though. I was assigned by
Division, remember? Somebody over
there thinks I'm a good lawyer. So
while I appreciate your interest
and admire your enthusiasm, I think
I can pretty much handle things
myself.

JO
Do you know what a code red is?

KAFFEE doesn't, but he doesn't say anything.

JO
(continuing)
What a pity.

CUT TO:

Genres: null
Tone: null

Summary Lieutenant Kaffee, a softball coach and lawyer assigned to defend Dawson and Downey, is confronted by Commander Jo about his handling of the case. Jo believes that Kaffee is not taking the case seriously and threatens to report him to his supervisor. Kaffee is initially dismissive but becomes more serious after Jo's speech. Jo reveals that she believes Santiago's death was not intentional. Kaffee remains confident in his ability to handle the case, but Jo warns him about a "code red," which Kaffee does not understand.

Strengths null

Weaknesses null

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the gravity of the situation with the accused marines in jail.
The dialogue between Kaffee and Jo feels a bit too casual and lacks the intensity that should be present in a scene discussing a murder case.
The humor injected into the conversation between Kaffee and Jo detracts from the seriousness of the subject matter and undermines the emotional weight of the scene.
The exposition provided by Jo about Kaffee's background feels forced and unnatural, taking away from the flow of the scene.
The lack of understanding from Kaffee about the medical terms mentioned by Jo could be portrayed in a more realistic and engaging way.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Increase the tension and stakes in the scene by emphasizing the urgency of the situation with the accused marines.
Focus on the emotional impact of the case on Kaffee and Jo to create a more compelling and engaging interaction between the characters.
Consider toning down the humor and casual banter to maintain the seriousness of the discussion about a murder case.
Find a more organic way to reveal Kaffee's background without resorting to a lengthy exposition from Jo.
Simplify the medical terms and explanations to make them more accessible and relatable to the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE BRIG - DAY

And an M.P. is leading KAFFEE and SAM down to DAWSON and
DOWNEY's cell.

M.P.

Officer on deck, ten-hut.

DAWSON and DOWNEY come to attention. Through the following,
the M.P. will unlock the call door and let the lawyers in.

DAWSON
Sir, Lance Corporal Harold W.
Dawson, sir. Rifle Security Company
Windward, Second Platoon, Delta.

KAFFEE
Someone hasn't been working and
playing well with others, Harold.

DAWSON
Sir, yes sir!

DOWNEY
Sir, PFC Louden Downey.

KAFFEE
I'm Daniel Kaffee, this is Sam
Weinerg, you can sitdown.
30.

DAWSON and DOWNEY aren't too comfortable sitting in the
presence of officers, but they do as they're told. KAFFEE's
pulled out some documents, SAM's sitting on one of the cots
taking notes.

KAFFEE
(continuing; to DAWSON)
Is this your signature?

DAWSON
Yes sir.

KAFFEE
You don't have to call me sir.
(to DOWNEY)
Is this your signature?

DOWNEY
Sir, yes sir.

KAFFEE
And you certainly don't have to do
it twice in one sentence. Harold,
what's a Code Red?

DAWSON
Sir, a Code Red is a disciplinary
engagement.

KAFFEE
What does that mean, exactly?

DAWSON
Sir, a marine falls out of line,
it's up to the men in his unit to
get him back on track.

KAFFEE
What's a garden variety Code Red?

DAWSON
Sir?

KAFFEE
Harold, you say sir and I turn
around and look for my father.
Danny, Daniel, Kaffee. Garden
variety; typical. What's a basic
Code Red?

DAWSON
Sir, a marine has refused to bathe
on a regular basis. The men in his
squad would give him a G.I. shower.
31.

KAFFEE
What's that?

DAWSON
Scrub brushes, brillo pads, steel
wool...

SAM
Beautiful.

KAFFEE
Was the attack on Santiago a Code
Red?

DAWSON
Yes sir.

KAFFEE
(to DOWNEY)
Do you ever talk?

DAWSON
Sir, Private Downey will answer any
direct questions you ask him.

KAFFEE
Swell. Private Downey, the rag you
stuffed in Santiago's mouth, was
there poison on it?

DOWNEY
No sir.

KAFFEE
Silver polish, turpentine, anti-
freeze...

DOWNEY
No sir. We were gonna shave his
head, sir.

KAFFEE
When all of a sudden...?

DOWNEY
We saw blood drippinq out of his
mouth. Then we pulled the tape off,
and there was blood all down his
face, sir. That's when Corporal
Dawson called the ambulance.

KAFFEE tries not to make too big a deal out of this last
piece of news.
32.

KAFFEE
(to DAWSON)
Did anyone see you call the
ambulance?

DAWSON
No sir.

KAFFEE
Were you there when the ambulance
got there?

DAWSON
Yes sir, that's when we were taken
under arrest.

KAFFEE kinda strolls to the corner of the cell to think for
a moment.

SAM
(to DAWSON)
On the night of August 2nd, did you
fire a shot across the fenceline
into Cuba?

DAWSON
Yes sir.

SAM
Why?

DAWSON
My mirror engaged, sir.

KAFFEE
(to SAM)
His mirror engaged?

SAM
For each American sentry post
there's a Cuban counterpart.
They're called mirrors. The
corporal's claiming that his mirror
was about to fire at him.

KAFFEE
Santiago's letter to the NIS said
you fired illegally. He's saying
that the guy, the mirror, he never
made a move.

DAWSON says nothing.
33.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Oh, Harold?

SAM is staring at DAWSON.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
You see what I'm getting at? If
Santiago didn't have anything on
you, then why did you give him a
Code Red?

DAWSON
Because he broke the chain of
command, sir.

KAFFEE
He what?

DAWSON
He went outside his unit, sir. If
he had a problem, he should've
spoken to me, sir. Then his
Sergeant, then Company Commander,
then --

KAFFEE
Yeah, yeah, alright. Harold, did
you assault Santiago with the
intent of killing him?

DAWSON
No sir.

KAFFEE
What was your intent?

DAWSON
To train him, sir.

KAFFEE
Train him to do what?

DAWSON
Train him to think of his unit
before himself. To respect the
code.

SAM
What's the code?

DAWSON
Unit Corps God Country.
34.

SAM
I beg your pardon?

DAWSON
Unit Corps God Country, sir.

KAFFEE
The Goverrment of the United States
wants to charge you two with
murder. You want me to go to the
prosecutor with unit, corps, god,
country?

DAWSON stares at KAFFEE.

DAWSON
That's our code, sir.

KAFFEE takes a long moment. He picks up his briefcase and he
and SAM move to the door.

KAFFEE
We'll be back. You guys need
anything? Books paper, cigarettes,
a ham sandwich?

DAWSON
Sir. No thank you. Sir.

KAFFEE smiles at DAWSON.

KAFFEE
Harold, I think there's a concept
you better start warming up to.

DAWSON
Sir?

KAFFEE
I'm the only friend you've got.

And as KAFFEE and SAM walk out the open cell door, DAWSON
and DOWNEY come to attention and snap a salute.

They hold the salute until KAFFEE and SAM are well out of
sight, and we

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Military Drama
Tone: Serious, Intense, Confrontational

Summary Marine lawyers Kaffee and Weinberg interrogate Lance Corporal Dawson and PFC Downey about the assault on Santiago. Dawson claims he ordered the assault to train Santiago, not to kill him. Kaffee warns Dawson that he is the only friend he has.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Revealing key plot details
Exploration of military discipline

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some repetitive dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the gravity of the situation being discussed.
The dialogue feels a bit too casual and lacks the intensity that should accompany a discussion about a serious crime like assault and murder.
There is a lack of emotional depth in the interaction between the characters, especially given the weight of the accusations being discussed.
The scene could benefit from more dynamic and engaging interactions between the characters to keep the audience invested in the unfolding story.
The pacing of the scene could be improved to create more suspense and build up to the revelations and conflicts being presented.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more emotional depth and intensity to the dialogue to reflect the seriousness of the situation.
Consider adding more conflict and tension between the characters to make the scene more engaging.
Work on the pacing of the scene to build suspense and keep the audience interested in the unfolding events.
Explore different ways to convey the weight of the accusations and the impact on the characters involved.
Consider adding more layers to the characters' motivations and reactions to create a more compelling and realistic portrayal of the situation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. KAFFEE'S OFFICE - DAY

He's packing up stuff into his briefcase at the end of the
work day. Lt. JACK ROSS, a marine lawyer maybe two years
older than Kaffee, opens the door and walks in..
35.

ROSS
Dan Kaffee.

KAFFEE
Sailin' Jack Ross.

ROSS
Welcome to the big time.

KAFFEE
You think so?

ROSS
I hope for Dawson and Downey's sake
you practice law better than you
play softball.

KAFFEE
Unfortunately for Dawson and
Downey, I don't do anything better
than I play softball. What are we
lookin' at?

ROSS
They plead guilty to manslaughter,
I'll drop the conspiracy and the
conduct unbecoming. 20 years,
they'll be home in half that time.

KAFFEE
I want twelve.

ROSS
Can't do it.

KAFFEE
They called the ambulance, Jack.

ROSS
I don't care if they called the
Avon Lady, they killed a marine.

KAFFEE
The rag was tested for poison. The
autopsy, lab report, even the
initial E.R. and C.O.D. reports.
They all say the same thing: Maybe,
maybe not.

ROSS
The Chief of Internal Medicine at
the Guantanamo Bay Naval hospital
says he's sure.
36.

KAFFEE
What do you know about Code Reds?

ROSS smiles and shakes his head.

ROSS
Oh man.

He closes the office door.

ROSS
(continuing)
Are we off the record?

KAFFEE
You tell me.

ROSS
(pause)
I'm gonna give you the twelve
years, but before you go getting
yourself into trouble tomorrow, you
should know this: The platoon
commander Lt. Jonathan Kendrick,
had a meeting with the men. And he
specifically told them not to touch
Santiago.

KAFFEE holds for a moment. Dawson and Downey neglected to
mention this... He packs up his briefcase and cleats.

KAFFEE
I'll talk to you when I get back.

ROSS
Hey, we got a little four-on-four
going tomorrow night. When does
your plane get in?

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Serious, Tense, Confrontational

Summary In a tense meeting, lawyers Kaffee and Ross debate a plea deal for two marines accused of murder. Kaffee argues for a 12-year sentence, citing inconclusive poison test results and orders from their commander not to harm the victim. Ross insists on a 20-year sentence, supported by medical testimony. They agree to reconvene after Kaffee investigates further and schedule a friendly softball game.

Strengths

Intriguing plot development
Realistic dialogue
Tension-building

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Character development could be more nuanced

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the gravity of the situation being discussed. The dialogue feels somewhat casual and lacks the intensity needed for a scene involving a plea deal for two marines accused of killing a fellow marine.
The interaction between Kaffee and Ross could be more dynamic and engaging. The dialogue feels a bit flat and could benefit from more conflict or emotional depth to make the scene more compelling.
There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the moral and ethical dilemmas surrounding the case. The conversation about the plea deal and the evidence presented feels somewhat superficial and could be more thought-provoking.
The transition from discussing the plea deal to the mention of Code Reds feels abrupt and could be smoother. The significance of the Code Reds should be emphasized more to create a sense of intrigue and foreshadowing for the audience.
The scene could benefit from more visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue and add visual interest. Incorporating more physical movements or gestures could enhance the scene's impact.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more tension and urgency to the dialogue to reflect the seriousness of the situation. Emphasize the high stakes involved in the plea deal for the accused marines.
Explore deeper emotional layers in the interaction between Kaffee and Ross. Add more conflict or emotional depth to make the scene more engaging.
Delve into the moral and ethical complexities of the case through the dialogue. Create more thought-provoking discussions about the evidence and implications of the plea deal.
Smooth out the transition between discussing the plea deal and introducing the concept of Code Reds. Build up the significance of the Code Reds to create anticipation and intrigue for the audience.
Incorporate more visual elements or actions to enhance the scene. Use physical movements or gestures to break up the dialogue and add visual interest.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. THE PARKING LOT - DUSK

It's dusk and people on the base are going home from work.
We can see the flag being lowered in the background.

KAFFEE's walking toward his car. JO intercepts him and
starts walking along with him.

JO
Hi there.

KAFFEE
Any luck getting me replaced?
37.

JO
Is there anyone in this command
that you don't either drink or play
softball with?

KAFFEE
Commander --

JO
Listen, I came to make peace. We
started off on the wrong foot. What
do you say? Friends?

KAFFEE
Look, I don't --

JO
By the way, I brought Downey some
comic books he was asking for. The
kid, Kaffee, I swear, he doesn't
know where he is, he doesn't even
know why he's been arrested.

KAFFEE
Commander --

JO
You can call me Joanne.

KAFFEE
Joanne --

JO
or Jo.

KAFFEE
Jo?

JO
Yes.

KAFFEE
Jo, if you ever speak to a client
of mine again without my
permission, I'll have you
disbarred. Friends?

JO
I had authorization.

KAFFEE
From where?
38.

JO
Downey's closest living relative,
Ginny Miller, his aunt on his
mother's side.

KAFFEE
You got authorization from Aunt
Ginny?

JO
I gave her a call like you asked.
Very nice woman, we talked for
about an hour.

KAFFEE
You got authorization from Aunt
Ginny.

JO
Perfectly within my province.

KAFFEE
Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? We can
hold the trial there. I can sew the
costumes, and maybe his Uncle
Goober can be the judge.

Jo steps aside and lets KAFFEE got into his car.

JO
I'm going to Cuba with you
tomorrow.

KAFFEE
And the hits just keep on comin'.

HOLD on KAFFEE and Jo. JO smiles.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDEWALK NEWSSTAND - DUSK

KAFFEE IN HIS CAR

He's driving down a Washington street and pulls over at a
sidewalk newsstand.

He gets out of his car, leaving the lights flashing, and
runs up to the newsstand.

As he plunks his 35 cents down and picks up a newspaper, he
engages in his daily ritual with LUTHER, the newsstand
operator.
39.

KAFFEE
How's it goin', Luther?

LUTHER
Another day, another dollar,
captain.

KAFFEE
You gotta play 'em as they lay,
Luther.

LUTHER
What comes around, goes around, you
know what I'm sayin'.

KAFFEE
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

LUTHER
Hey, if you've got your health, you
got everything.

KAFFEE
Love makes the world go round. I'll
see you tomorrow, Luther.

And we

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Comedy
Tone: Sarcastic, Confrontational, Light-hearted

Summary As Kaffee walks to his car, Jo intercepts him to make peace and call off her investigation. However, Kaffee's suspicion arises when he learns Jo spoke to his client's aunt. He invites her to Cuba before abruptly leaving. Despite the initial conflict, Jo remains determined to be involved.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character development
Humor

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth

General Critique

The dialogue between Kaffee and Jo feels a bit forced and lacks natural flow. It comes off as too confrontational and lacks subtlety in building their relationship.
The scene lacks depth and fails to provide meaningful character development or progression of the plot. It feels like a filler scene with no significant impact on the overall story.
The interaction between Kaffee and Jo lacks emotional depth and fails to engage the audience. The dialogue feels superficial and does not add any depth to the characters or the story.
The scene lacks tension and conflict, which are essential elements in engaging the audience and driving the story forward. It feels flat and uneventful.
The transition between Kaffee and Jo's conversation to Kaffee's interaction with Luther at the newsstand feels abrupt and disjointed, disrupting the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider rewriting the dialogue between Kaffee and Jo to make it more nuanced and realistic. Add layers to their interaction to build their relationship and reveal more about their characters.
Introduce a conflict or tension in the scene to make it more engaging and impactful. This could involve revealing more about the characters' motivations or adding a twist to the conversation.
Focus on developing the emotional depth of the characters in the scene. Allow their interactions to reveal more about their personalities, beliefs, and conflicts.
Ensure a smooth transition between different parts of the scene to maintain the flow and coherence of the narrative. Connect the different elements more seamlessly to create a more cohesive scene.
Consider adding subtext to the dialogue to create layers of meaning and depth. This can add complexity to the characters and make the scene more engaging for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. SAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

A baby sleeping in a crib pull rack to reveal SAM is
standing over the crib. KAFFEE's sitting on a beer.

SAM
When Nancy gets back, you're my
witness. The baby spoke. My
daughter said a word.

KAFFEE
Your daughter made a sound, Sam,
I'm not sure it was a word.

SAM
Oh come on, it was a word.

KAFFEE
Okay.

SAM
You heard her. The girl sat here,
pointed, and said "Pa". She did.
She said "Pa".
40.

KAFFEE
She was pointing at a doorknob.

SAM
That's right. Pointing, as if to
say, "Pa, look, a doorknob".

SAM joins KAFFEE in the living room.

KAFFEE
Jack Ross came to see me today. He
offered me twelve years.

SAM
That's what you wanted.

KAFFEE
I know, and I'll... I guess, I mean
--
(beat)
I'll take it.

SAM
So?

KAFFEE
It took albout 45 seconds. He
barely put up a fight.

SAM
(beat)
Danny, take the twelve years, it's
a gift.

KAFFEE finishes off his beer, and stands.

KAFFEE
You don't believe their story, do
you? You think they ought to go to
jail for the rest of their lives.

SAM
I believe every word they said. And
I think they ought to go to jail
for the rest of their lives.

KAFFEE nods and puts down the empty beer bottle.

KAFFEE
I'll see you tomorrow.

Sam opens the front door for him and they stand out on the
stoop for a moment.
41.

SAM
Remember to wear your whites, it's
hot down there.

KAFFEE
I don't like the whites.

SAM
Nobody likes the whites, but we're
going to Cuba in August. You got
Dramamine?

KAFFEE
Dramamine keeps you cool?

SAM
Dramamine keeps you from throwing
up, you get sick when you fly.

KAFFEE
I get sick when I fly because I'm
afraid of crashing into a large
mountain, I don't think
Dramamine'll help.

SAM
I've got some oregano, I hear that
works pretty good.

KAFFEE
Yeah, right.

KAFFEE starts toward his car, then turns around.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
You know, Ross said the strangest
thing to me right before I left. He
said the platoon commander
Lieutenant Jonathan Kendrick had a
meeting with the men and
specifically told them not to touch
Santiago.

SAM
So?

KAFFEE
I never mentioned Kendrick. I don't
even know who he is.
(beat)
What the hell.
(beat)
I'll see you tomorrow.
42.

We hold for a moment on KAFFEE as he walks to his car, then

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Contentious

Summary Sam shares the excitement of his daughter's first word with Kaffee, who initially doubts but later accepts it. They discuss the plea deal Kaffee received and decide to take it. As they talk about preventing motion sickness for their flight to Cuba, Kaffee reveals information from Ross about Kendrick's instructions to the platoon regarding Santiago.

Strengths

Strong character development
Engaging dialogue
Exploration of moral dilemmas

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Lack of visual variety in the setting

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus or purpose, as it jumps from a conversation about Sam's daughter saying her first word to Kaffee discussing a plea deal with Ross.
The dialogue between Sam and Kaffee feels disjointed and lacks a natural flow, making it difficult for the audience to follow the conversation.
There is a lack of emotional depth or tension in the scene, which is crucial for engaging the audience and conveying the gravity of the situation.
The transition between different topics within the scene is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain coherence.
The scene could benefit from more visual elements or actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more dynamic atmosphere.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider focusing the scene on a specific conflict or decision that Kaffee is facing, such as whether to accept the plea deal or continue fighting for Dawson and Downey.
Work on improving the dialogue to make it more engaging and realistic, ensuring that each character's voice is distinct and contributes to the overall narrative.
Introduce more emotional depth by exploring the internal struggles and motivations of the characters, especially Kaffee, to create a more compelling and relatable scene.
Smooth out the transitions between different topics by establishing a clear throughline or central theme that ties the conversation together.
Incorporate visual cues or actions that reflect the characters' emotions and intentions, adding layers to the scene and enhancing the audience's understanding.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. THE AIRSTRIP AT GUANTANAMO BAY - DAY

The whole place, in stark contrast to the Washington Navy
Yard, is ready to go to war. Fighter jets line the tarmac.
Ground crews re-fuel planes. Hurried activity.

A 36 seat Airforce Jet rolls to a stop on the tarmac and a
stair unit is brought up.

HOWARD, a marine corporal, is waiting by the stairway as the
passengers begin to got off. Mostly MARINES, a few SAILORS,
a couple of CIVILIANS, and KAFFEE, JO and SAM. KAFFEE and
SAM are wearing their summer whites, JO is in khakis.

KAFFEE and SAM stare out at what they see: They're not in
Kansas anymore.

HOWARD shouts over the noise from the planes.

HOWARD
Lieutenants Kaffee and Weinberg?

KAFFEE
(shouting)
Yeah.

JO
Commander Galloway.

HOWARD
I'm Corporal Howard, ma'am, I'm to
escort you to the Windward side of
the base.

JO
Thank you.

HOWARD
I've got some camouflage jackets in
the back of the jeep, sirs, I'll
have to ask you both to put them
on.

KAFFEE
Camouflage jackets?

HOWARD
Regulations, sir. We'll be riding
pretty close to the fenceline.
43.

The Cubans see an officer wearing
white, they think it's someone they
might wanna take a shot at.

KAFFEE turns and glares at SAM.

KAFFEE
Good call, Sam.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal, Military
Tone: Serious, Tense, Authoritative

Summary Lieutenants Kaffee, Weinberg, and Commander Galloway arrive at Guantanamo Bay and are met by Corporal Howard. They are informed of the need to wear camouflage jackets due to the proximity to the Cuban fenceline. Kaffee sarcastically remarks to Sam about the need for the jackets.

Strengths

Effective establishment of new setting
Tension and anticipation building
Clear portrayal of military regulations

Weaknesses

Limited character interactions
Dialogue focused on exposition rather than depth

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction. While the setting and atmosphere are described well, there is no clear conflict or tension driving the scene forward.
The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks depth. The interactions between the characters, especially Kaffee, Jo, and Sam, could be more engaging and meaningful.
The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and disjointed. There needs to be a smoother flow between scenes to maintain the continuity of the story.
The scene could benefit from more character development and emotional depth. Explore the internal struggles and motivations of the characters to make the scene more compelling.
The use of military regulations and procedures in the dialogue feels a bit cliched. Try to find a more unique and authentic way to convey the necessary information.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Introduce a clear conflict or tension within the scene to drive the narrative forward. This could be a disagreement between the characters, an unexpected obstacle, or a revelation that changes the course of the story.
Focus on developing the relationships between Kaffee, Jo, and Sam. Add depth to their interactions by exploring their personal motivations, fears, and desires.
Consider revising the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging. Each character should have a distinct voice and their words should reveal more about their personalities and relationships.
Work on creating a seamless transition from the previous scene to this one. Connect the events and emotions of the previous scene to the new setting and situation to maintain the flow of the story.
Avoid relying too heavily on military jargon and regulations in the dialogue. Find a balance between authenticity and engaging storytelling to keep the audience invested in the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. CUBAN ROAD - THE JEEP - DAY

Tearing along down the road, and now we see a beautiful
expanse of water, maybe 1000 yards across. It's a section of
Guantanamo Bay.

HOWARD
(shouting)
We'll just hop on the ferry and be
over there in no time.

KAFFEE
(shouting)
Whoa! Hold it! We gotta take a
boat?!

HOWARD
Yes sir, to get to the other side
of the bay.

KAFFEE
Nobody said anything about a boat.

HOWARD
(shouting)
Is there a problem, sir?

KAFFEE
(shouting)
No. No problem. I'm just not that
crazy about boats, that's all.

JO
(shouting)
Jesus Christ, Kaffee, you're in the
Navy for cryin' out loud!

KAFFEE
(shouting)
Nobody likes her very much.
44.

HOWARD
(shouting)
Yes sir.

The jeep drives on and we

CUT TO:

JESSEP, MARKINSON and KENDRICK are standing as the LAWYERS
are led in.

JESSEP
Nathan Jessep, come on in and
siddown.

KAFFEE
Thank you. I'm Daniel Kaffee, I'm
the attorney for Dawson and Downey.
This is Joanne Galloway, she's
observing and evaluating --

JO
(shaking hands)
Colonel.

JESSEP
Pleased to meet you, Commander.

KAFFEE
Sam Weinberg. He has no
responsibility here whatsoever.

JESSEP
I've asked Captain Markinson and
Lt. Kendrick to join us.

MARKINSON
Lt. Kaffee, I had the pleasure of
seeing your father once. I was a
teenager and he spoke at my high
school.

KAFFEE smiles and nods.

JESSEP
Lionel Kaffee?

KAFFEE
Yes sir.
45.

JESSEP
Well what do you know. Son, this
man's dad once made a lot of
enemies down in your neck of the
woods. Jefferson vs. Madison County
School District. The folks down
there said a little black girl
couldn't go to an all white school,
Lionel Kaffee said we'll just see
about that. How the hell is your
dad?

KAFFEE
He passed away seven years ago,
colonel.

JESSEP
(pause)
Well... don't I feel like the
fuckin, asshole.

KAFFEE
Not at all, sir.

JESSEP
Well, what can we do for you,
Danny.

KAFFEE
Not much at all, sir, I'm afraid.
This is really a formality more
than anything else. The JAG Corps
insists that I interview all the
relevant witnesses.

JO
The JAG Corps can be demanding that
way.

JESSEP smiles.

JESSEP
Jonanthan'll take you out and show
you what you wanna see, then we can
all hook up for lunch, how does
that sound?

KAFFEE
Fine, sir.

CUT TO:
46.

EXT. THE FENCELINE - DAY

A SQUAD OF MARINES jogs by as a jeep carrying KENDRICK and
the three LAWYERS cruises down the road.

We FOLLOW the jeep.

KAFFEE
I understand you had a meeting with
your men that afternoon.

KENDRICK
Yes.

KAFFEE
What'd you guys talk about?

KENDRICK
I told the men that there was an
informer among us. And that despite
any desire they might have to seek
retribution, Private Santiago was
not to be harmed in any way.

KAFFEE
What time was that meeting?

KENDRICK
Sixteen-hundred.

KAFFEE turns around and looks at SAM.

SAM
(leaning forward)
Four o'clock.

CUT TO:

INT. THE BARRACKS CORRIDOR - DAY

KENDRICK leads the LAWYERS down the corridor to Santiago's
room.

Two strips of tape which warn DO NOT ENTER - AT ORDER OF THE
MILITARY POLICE are crisscrossed over the closed door. They
open the door and step under the tape and walk into

Genres: Legal Drama, Military Drama
Tone: Serious, Tense, Sarcastic

Summary Lt. Kaffee, Sam Weinberg, and Joanne Galloway interview Santiago's squad about the time of their meeting the day Santiago was killed. Kendrick confirms that he met with his men at 4pm.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled atmosphere
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be too expository
Lack of visual description in certain parts

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with the dialogue feeling disconnected and lacking in depth.
The interaction between the characters, especially Kaffee and Jo, feels forced and lacks authenticity.
The transition between the different settings and conversations is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the scene.
The dialogue is overly expository and lacks subtlety, with characters stating information rather than engaging in meaningful conversation.
There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing more natural and organic dialogue that reveals character motivations and relationships.
Work on creating a clear objective or goal for the scene to drive the interactions and keep the audience engaged.
Consider adding more subtext and depth to the interactions between the characters to create a more compelling and realistic dynamic.
Improve the pacing and flow of the scene by smoothing out transitions between different settings and conversations.
Introduce more conflict or tension to create a sense of stakes and keep the audience invested in the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. SANTIAGO'S ROOM - DAY

The room is exactly an it was left that night. The un-made
bed, the chair knocked over... The LAWYERS look around for a
moment. The room is sparse.
47.

Kaffee goes to the closet and opens it: A row of uniforms
hanging neatly. He thumbs through then for a second, but
there's nothing there.

He opens the footlocker: Socks, underwear... all folded to
marine corp precision... A shaving kit, a couple of
photographs, a pad of writing paper and some envelopes...

Kaffee closes the footlocker.

KAFFEE
Sam, somebody should see about
getting this stuff to his parents.
We don't need it anymore.

KENDRICK
Actually, the uniforms belong to
the marine corps.

The LAWYERS take a moment.

KAFFEE
Lt. Kendrick -- can I call you Jon?

KENDRICK
No, you may not.

KAFFEE
(beat)
Have I done something to offend
you?

KENDRICK
No, I like all you Navy boys. Every
time we've gotta go someplace and
fight, you fellas always give us a
ride.

JO
Lt. Kendrick, do you think Santiago
was murdered?

KENDRICK
Commander, I believe in God, and in
his son Jesus Christ, and because I
do, I can say this: Private
Santiago is dead and that's a
tragedy. But he's dead because he
had no code. He's dead because he
had no honor. And God was watching.

SAM turns to KAFFEE.
48.

SAM
How do you feel about that theory?

KAFFEE
(beat)
Sounds good. Let's move on.

SAM and KENDRICK walk out the door. JO stops KAFFEE.

JO
You planning on doing any
investigating or are you just gonna
take the guided tour?

KAFFEE
(beat)
I'm pacing myself.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery
Tone: Serious, Tense, Sarcastic

Summary The lawyers inspect Santiago's room, finding nothing of interest. Kaffee suggests returning the uniforms to Santiago's parents, but Kendrick claims they belong to the Marine Corps. Kendrick believes Santiago's death was due to his lack of code and honor, while Kaffee plans to investigate later.

Strengths

Establishing the investigation plot
Introducing key characters and their dynamics
Creating tension and intrigue

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth in character interactions
Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene lacks depth and emotional impact, as it simply shows the lawyers looking around Santiago's room without much purpose or significance.
There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional weight of the situation, such as reflecting on the loss of a young Marine's life and the impact on his family and colleagues.
The dialogue between Kaffee and Kendrick feels superficial and lacks depth, missing the opportunity to delve into the complexities of the case and the characters' motivations.
The interaction between Jo and Kaffee at the end of the scene feels forced and lacks authenticity, missing the chance to build a more meaningful relationship between the characters.
The scene could benefit from more tension, conflict, and character development to engage the audience and drive the story forward.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more emotional depth by exploring the impact of Santiago's death on the characters and the broader context of the case.
Enhance the dialogue between Kaffee and Kendrick to delve into the complexities of the case and the characters' beliefs and motivations.
Consider adding a moment of reflection or introspection for the characters to deepen their development and provide insight into their perspectives.
Introduce more conflict or tension to create a sense of urgency and drive the narrative forward.
Focus on building authentic relationships between the characters to enhance the audience's investment in the story.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE OFFICERS CLUB - DAY

JESSEP, MARKINSON, KENDRICK and the LAWYERS are seated at a
table in the corner.

Stewards clear the lunch dishes and pour coffee. Jessep is
finishing a story.

JESSEP
...And they spent the next three
hours running around, looking for
Americans to surrender to.

JESSEP laughs. KENDRICK joins him. SAM and KAFFEE force a
laugh.

MARKINSON forces a smile. JO remains silent.

JESSEP
(continuing; to the
STEWARDS)
That was delicious, men, thank you.

STEWARD
Our pleasure, sir.

KAFFEE
Colonel just need to ask you a
couple of questions about August
6th.

JESSEP
Shoot.
49.

KAFFEE
On the morning of the sixth, you
were contacted by an NIS angent who
said that Santiago had tipped him
off to an illegal fenceline
shooting.

JESSEP
Yes.

KAFFEE
Santiago was gonna reveal the
person's name in exchange for a
transfer. An I getting this right?

JESSEP
Yes.

KAFFEE
If you feel there are any details
that I'm missing, you should free
to speak up.

JESSEP's not quite sure what to say to this Navy Lawyer
Lieutenant-Smartass guy who just gave him permission to
speak freely on his own base.

JESSEP
Thank you.

KAFFEE
Now it was at this point that you
called Captain Markinson and Lt.
Kendrick into your office?

JESSEP
Yes.

KAFFEE
And what happened then?

JESSEP
We agreed that for his own safety,
Santiago should be transferred off
the base.

Here's something else KAFFEE didn't know. Neither did Jo.
SAM jots something down on a small notepad.

MARKINSON doesn't flinch.

KAFFEE
Santiago was set to be transferred?
50.

JESSEP
On the first available flight to
the states. Six the next morning.
Three hours too late as it turned
out.

KAFFEE nods.

KAFFEE
Yeah.

There's silence for a moment.

KAFFEE takes a sip of his coffee. Then drains the cup and
puts it down.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Alright, that's all I have. Thanks
very much for your time.

KENDRICK
The corporal's got the jeep
outside, he'll take you back to the
airstrip.

KAFFEE
(standing)
Thank you.

JO
Wait a minute, I've got some
questions.

KAFFEE
No you don't.

JO
Yes I do.

KAFFEE
No you don't.

JO
Colonel, on the morning that
Santiago died, did you meet with
Doctor Stone between three and
five?

KAFFEE
Jo --
51.

JESSEP
Of course I met with the doctor.
One of my men was dead.

KAFFEE
(to JO)
See? The man was dead. Let's go.

JO
(to JESSEP)
I was wondering if you've ever
heard the term Code Red.

KAFFEE
Jo --

JESSEP
I've heard the term, yes.

JO
Colonel, this past February, you
received a cautionary memo from the
Naval Investigative Service,
warning that the practice of
enlisted men disciplining their own
wasn't to be condoned by officers.

JESSEP
I submit to you that whoever wrote
that memo has never served on the
working end of a Soviet-made Cuban
Ml-Al6 Assault Rifle. However, the
directive having come from the NIS,
I gave it its due attention. What's
your point, Jo?

KAFFEE
She has no point. She often has no
point. It's part of her charm.
We're outta here. Thank you.

JO
My point is that I think code reds
still go on down here. Do Code Reds
still happen on this base, colonel?

KAFFEE
Jo, the colonel doesn't need to
answer that.

JO
Yes he does.
52.

KAFFEE
No, he really doesn't.

JO
Yeah, he really does. Colonel?

JESSEP
You know it just hit me. She
outranks you, Danny.

KAFFEE
Yes sir.

JESSEP
I want to tell you something Danny
and listen up 'cause I mean this:
You're the luckiest man in the
world. There is, believe me
gentlemen, nothing sexier on earth
than a woman you have to salute in
the morning. Promote 'em all I say.

JO's not upset. JO's not mad. But she's gonna ask her
question 'til she gets an answer.

JO
Colonel, the practice of code Reds
is still condoned by officers on
this base, isn't it?

JESSEP
You see my problem is, of course,
that I'm a Colonel. I'll just have
to keep taking cold showers 'til
they elect some gal President.

JO
I need an answer to my question,
sir.

JESSEP
Take caution in your tone,
Commander. I'm a fair guy, but this
fuckin' heat's making me absolutely
crazy. You want to know about code
reds? On the record I tell you that
I discourage the practice in
accordance with the NIS directive.
Off the record I tell you that it's
an invaluable part of close
infantry training, and if it
happens to go on without my
knowledge, so be it. I run my base
how I run my base.
53.

You want to investigate me, roll
the dice and take your chances. I
eat breakfast yards away from 4000
Cubans who are trained to kill me.
So don't for one second think
you're gonna come down here, flash
a badge, and make me nervous.

A moment of tense silence before --

KAFFEE
Let's go. Colonel, I'll just need a
copy of Santiago's transfer order.

JESSEP
What's that?

KAFFEE
Santiago's transfer order. You guys
have paper work on that kind of
thing, I just need it for the file.

JESSEP
For the file.

KAFFEE
Yeah.

JESSEP
(pause)
Of course you can have a copy of
the transfer order. For the file.
I'm here to help anyway I can.

KAFFEE
Thank you.

JESSEP
You believe that, don't you? Danny?
That I'm here to help anyway I can?

KAFFEE
Of course.

JESSEP
The corporal'll run you by
Ordinance on your way out to the
airstrip. You can have all the
transfer orders you want.

KAFFEE
(to JO and SAM)
Let's go.
54.

The LAWYERS start to leave.

JESSEP
But you have to ask me nicely.

KAFFEE stops. Turns around. Sam and JO stop and turn.

KAFFEE
I beg your pardon?

JESSEP
You have to ask me nicely. You see,
Danny, I can deal with the bullets
and the bombs and the blood. I can
deal with the heat and the stress
and the fear. I don't want money
and I don't want medals. What I
want is for you to stand there in
that faggoty white uniform, and
with your Harvard mouth, extend me
some fuckin' courtesy. You gotta
ask me nicely.

KAFFEE and JESSEP are frozen. Everyone'staring at Kaffee;
The OFFICERS at their tables... KENDRICK... SAM...
MARKINSON... JO... KAFFEE makes his decision.

KAFFEE
Colonel Jessep... if it's not too
much trouble, I'd like a copy of
the transfer order. Sir.

JESSEP smiles.

JESSEP
No problem.

HOLD for a moment. JO's very disappointed.

JESSEP stands there and watches the LAWYERS as they turn and
leave the Officer's Club.

JESSEP
(continuing)
I hate casualties, Matthew. There
are casualties even in victory. A
marine smothers a grenade and saves
his platoon, that marine's a hero.
The foundation of the unit, the
fabric of this base, the spirit of
the Corps, they are things worth
fighting for.

MARKINSON looks at the ground.
55.

JESSEP
(continuing)
Dawson and Downey, they don't know
it, but they're smothering a
grenade.

MARKINSON looks up as we

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal
Tone: Tense, Confrontational, Serious

Summary **Colonel Jessep's Interrogation** Lawyers grill Jessep about Santiago's transfer and the alleged 'Code Red.' Despite initial resistance, Jessep provides the transfer order, demanding politeness. The exchange highlights the conflict between legal procedure and military authority.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revealing character dynamics
Advancing the plot

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some repetitive dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of tension and conflict, which is crucial for a courtroom drama.
The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks subtlety, especially in the interactions between Kaffee and Jessep.
The character dynamics could be more nuanced and the relationships between the characters could be further developed.
The pacing of the scene could be improved to create a more engaging and suspenseful atmosphere.
There is a lack of depth in the emotional impact of the scene, particularly in the interactions between the characters.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more layers to the dialogue to create depth in the interactions between the characters.
Introduce more conflict and tension to make the scene more engaging and dynamic.
Focus on developing the emotional arcs of the characters to create a more impactful and resonant scene.
Consider restructuring the scene to build up to a more climactic moment, such as a confrontation or revelation.
Work on refining the character dynamics to make the relationships between the characters more compelling and authentic.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. ANDREWS AIRFORCE BASE - DUSK

As a plane touches down on the runway. It's dusk in
Washington and

CUT TO:

EXT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT - DAY

A little one-bedroom. Just the essential furniture, barely
even that.

KAFFEE's sitting and watching a baseball came on t.v. He's
holding a copy of The Baseball Encyclopedia, normally his
favorite reading material, but right now he's having trouble
keeping his mind in it. He's holding a baseball bat and
fiddling with it.

The remnants of a pizza and Yoo-Hoo dinner sit next to him.
His white uniform in a pile in the corner. There's a BUZZ at
the door. KAFFEE's not expecting anyone. He goes to the
door.

KAFFEE
Who is it?

JO (O.S.)
It's me.

KAFFEE opens the door and JO walks in.

KAFFEE
I've really missed you, Jo. I was
just saying to myself, "It's been
almost three hours since I last saw
--

"

JO
Markinson resigned his commission.
56.

KAFFEE
(pause)
When?

JO
This afternoon. Sometime after we
left.

KAFFEE
I'll talk to him in the morning.

JO
I already tried, I can't find him.

KAFFEE
You tried? Joanne, you're coming
dangerously close to the textbook
definition of interfering with a
government investigation.

JO hands KAFFEE the file she's been holding.

JO
I'm Louden Downey's attorney.

KAFFEE's stunned. He opens the file and begins to read.

JO
(continuing)
Aunt Ginny. She said she feels like
she's known me for years. I
suggested that she might feel more
comfortable if I were directly
involved with the case. She had
Louden sign the papers about an
hour ago.

KAFFEE looks up. Still too stunned to say anything. Then
finally...

KAFFEE
I suppose it's way too much to hope
that you're just making this up to
bother me.

JO
Don't worry, I'm not gonna make a
motion for separation, you're still
lead counsel.

KAFFEE hands her back the file.

KAFFEE
Splendid.
57.

JO
I think Kendrick ordered the Code
Red.
(beat)
So do you.

CUT TO:

INT. A HOLDING ROOM IN THE BRIG - NIGHT

DAWSON and DOWNEY come to attention as KAFFEE and JO are led
in.

DAWSON
Officer on deck, ten hut.

KAFFEE starts in immediately.

KAFFEE
Did Kendrick order the code red?

DAWSON
Sir?

KAFFEE
Don't say sir like I just asked you
if you cleaned the latrine. You
heard what I said. Did Lt. Kendrick
order you guys to give Santiago a
code red?

DAWSON
Yes sir.

KAFFEE
(to Downey)
Did he?

DOWNEY
Yes sir.

KAFFEE
You mind telling me why the hell
you never mentioned this before?

DAWSON
You didn't ask us, sir.

KAFFEE
Cutie-pie shit's not gonna win you
a place in my heart, corporal, I
get paid no matter how much time
you spend in jail.
58.

DAWSON
Yes sir. I know you do, sir.

KAFFEE
Fuck you, Harold.

There's some understandable tension in the room, broken by --

JO
Alright. Let's sort this out. There
was a platoon meeting on August 6th
at four in the afternoon. And Lt.
Kendrick, he gave strict
instructions that nothing was to
happen to Santiago. Now is that
true? I want you to speak freely.

DAWSON
Ma'am, that's correct. But then he
dismissed the platoon and we all
went to our rooms.

JO
And what happened then?

DAWSON
Lt. Kendrick came to our room,
ma'am.

KAFFEE
When?

DAWSON
About five minutes after the
meeting broke, sir. About 16:20.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
And what happened then?

DAWSON
Lt. Kendrick ordered us to give
Santiago a Code Red.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Serious, Confrontational

Summary Kaffee learns that Downey has hired Jo as his attorney. Jo reveals evidence that Kendrick ordered the Code Red on Santiago, contradicting his previous testimony. Kaffee and Jo confront Dawson and Downey, who confirm Kendrick's order but claim it occurred after dismissing the platoon.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revelation of key plot point
Character dynamics and conflicts

Weaknesses

Limited physical action
Some repetitive dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks clear transitions between locations, making it slightly confusing for the reader to follow the action.
The dialogue feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more pauses and emotional beats to allow the characters to fully process the information being shared.
There is a lack of physical descriptions and actions, making the scene feel static and dialogue-heavy.
The tension and conflict in the scene could be heightened by adding more non-verbal cues and body language to convey the characters' emotions.
The pacing of the scene could be improved by breaking up the dialogue with more action and visual elements.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more descriptive elements to set the scene and create a more immersive environment for the reader.
Work on pacing the dialogue to allow for natural pauses and emotional beats, enhancing the impact of the revelations being shared.
Introduce more physical actions and reactions from the characters to convey their emotions and add depth to the scene.
Explore ways to increase the tension and conflict in the scene through non-verbal cues and body language.
Break up the dialogue with action and visual elements to improve the overall flow and engagement of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE GYMNASIUM - NIGHT

ROSS is playing a game of full-court basketball with some
other OFFICERS.

A door at the far end of the court opens and KAFFEE and JO
walk in. They head down the sideline toward Ross.
59.

KAFFEE shouts --

KAFFEE
Jack!

But ROSS is into the game...

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Jack!!

ROSS
(waving him off)
Hang on...

KAFFEE
They were given an order.

ROSS stops cold and looks over at Kaffee. The game flies by
him. He motions to the locker room door in the corner of the
gym and the three of them make their way to privacy.

JO
How long have you known about the
order?

ROSS
I didn't --
(to KAFFEE)
Who is this?

KAFFEE
This is Jo Galloway she's Downey's
lawyer. She's very pleased to meet
you.

ROSS
What exactly are you accusing me
of, commander?

JO
I'm accusing you of --

They're in the

LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT

and KAFFEE slams the door shut behind them.
60.

KAFFEE
Jack didn't know about the order.
Because if he did and he hadn't
told us, Jack knows he'd be
violating about 14 articles of the
code of ethics. As it is, he's got
enough to worry about. God forbid
our clients decide to plead not
guilty and testify for the record
that they were given an order.

ROSS
Kendrick specifically told the men
not to touch Santiago.

KAFFEE
That's right. And then he went into
Dawson and Downey's room and
specifically told them to give him
a code red.

ROSS
That's not what Kendrick said.

KAFFEE
Kendrick's lying.

ROSS
You have proof?

KAFFEE
I have the defendants.

ROSS
And I have 23 marines who aren't
accused of murder and a lieutenant
with four letters of commendation.

KAFFEE
Why did Markinson resign his
commission?

ROSS
We'll never know.

KAFFEE
You don't think I can subpoena
Markinson.

ROSS
You can try, but you won't find
him. You know what Markinson did
for the first 17 of his 21 years in
the corps? Counter Intelligence.
61.

Markinson's gone. There is no
Markinson.

Some of the wind has been taken Out of Kaffee's sails.

ROSS
(continuing)
Jessep's star is on the rise.
Division'll give me a lot of room
to spare Jessep and the corps any
embarrassment.

KAFFEE
How much room?

ROSS
I'll knock it all down to assault.
Two years. They're home in six
months.

JO
No deal, we're going to a jury.

KAFFEE
Jo --

ROSS
No you're not.

JO
Why not?

ROSS
'Cause you'll lose, and Danny knows
it. And he knows that if we go to
court, I'll have to go all the way,
they'll be charged with the whole
truckload. Murder, Conspiracy,
Conduct Unbecoming, and even though
he's got me by the balls out here,
Dan knows that in a courtroom, he
loses this case. Danny's an awfully
talented lawyer, and he's not about
to send his clients go to jail for
life when he knows they could be
home in six months.

This is now clear: Ross is as good as Kaffee.

ROSS
(continuing)
That's the end of this negotiation.
62.

From this moment, we're on the
record. I'll see tomorrow morning
at the arraignment.

ROSS turns and heads back to the gym as we

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Suspenseful

Summary Commander Kaffee and Jo Galloway confront Ross about an order given to Kendrick leading to Santiago's abuse. Ross denies knowledge, leading to accusations of code of ethics violations and lying. Kaffee reveals defendants will plead not guilty and testify about the order, implicating higher-ups. Ross offers a plea deal, but Jo rejects, confident in their case. Ross threatens more severe charges if they go to trial, pressuring Danny to accept the plea.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Complex character dynamics
High stakes negotiation

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Lack of visual variety in the setting

General Critique

The scene lacks clear transitions between locations, making it slightly confusing for the reader to follow the action.
The dialogue feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more pauses or beats to allow the audience to absorb the information.
There is a lot of exposition and information being thrown at the audience in a short amount of time, which can be overwhelming.
The confrontation between Kaffee, Jo, and Ross could be more intense and emotionally charged to create a more impactful scene.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and create a more immersive experience for the reader.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding clear scene transitions to indicate changes in location and help the reader follow the action more easily.
Slow down the pace of the dialogue to allow for more natural pauses and emotional beats.
Try to spread out the exposition and information throughout the scene to avoid overwhelming the audience with too much information at once.
Focus on building up the tension and emotional stakes in the confrontation between Kaffee, Jo, and Ross to create a more impactful scene.
Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the reader.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. A HOLDING ROOM - NIGHT

Kaffee and JO are sitting at a table. Dawson and Downey are
at parade rest. Kaffee lights a cigarette.

KAFFEE
Here's the story: The Goverment's
offering Assault and Conduct
Unbecoming. Two years. You'll be
home in six months.

DAWSON and DOWNEY say nothing.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
"Wow, Kaffee, you're the greatest
lawyer in the world. How can we
ever thank you?" Fellas, you hear
what I just said, you're going home
in six months.

DAWSON
I'm afraid we can't do that, sir.

KAFFEE
Do what?

DAWSON
Make a deal, sir.

KAFFEE
What are you talking about?

DAWSON
We did nothing wrong, sir. We did
our job. If that has consequences,
then I accept them. But'I won't say
I'm guilty, sir.

KAFFEE can't believe this. He looks over at JO.

KAFFEE
Did you --
(to DAWSON and DOWNEY)
Did she put you up to this?
63.

JO
No.

DAWSON
We have a code, sir.

KAFFEE
Well zippity-doo-dah. You and your
code plead not guilty and you'll be
in jail for the rest of your life.
Do what I'm telling you and you'll
be home in six months.

DAWSON just stares at him.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Do it, Harold. Six months. It's
nothing. It's a hockey season.

DAWSON
Permission to --

KAFFEE
Speak!

DAWSON
What do we do then, sir?

KAFFEE
When?

DAWSON
After six months. We'd be
dishonorably discharged, right sir?

KAFFEE
Yes.

DAWSON
What do we do then, sir? We joined
the corps 'cause we wanted to live
our lives by a certain code. And we
found it in the corps. And now
you're asking us to sign a piece of
paper that says we have no honor.
You're asking us to say we're not
marines. If a judge and jury decide
that what we did was wrong, I'll
accept whatever punishment they
give. But I believe I was riqht,
sir. I believe I did my job.
64.

And I won't dishonor myself, my
unit, or the Corps, so that I can
qo home in six months.
(beat)
Sir.

HOLD ON the four of them for a moment, then

KAFFEE
Commander, I want to talk to
corporal Dawson alone for a minute.

Jo waits Just a moment before she calls out --

JO
(to Downey)
Let's go in another room. Louden,
everything's gonna be alright.

The M.P. has shown up and unlocked the cell door.

JO
(continuing; to M.P.)
We're gonna go into a holding room.

M.P.

Aye, aye, ma'am.

JO, DOWNEY, and the M.P. are gone. KAFFEE paces a moment
before he says --

KAFFEE
You don't like me that much, do
you?
(beat)
Forget it, don't answer that, it
doesn't matter.

KAFFEE paces another moment, then sits on the cot. He's
trying to choose his tack carefully.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
You know, Downey worships you. He's
gonna do whatever you do. Are you
really gonna let this happen to him
because of a code? Harold?

DAWSON
Do you think we were right?

KAFFEE
It doesn't matter what I --
65.

DAWSON
Do you think we were right?

KAFFEE gets up.

KAFFEE
(beat)
I think you'd lose.

DAWSON
(beat)
You're such a coward, I can't
believe they let you wear a
uniform.

KAFFEE stares at DAWSON.

KAFFEE
I'm not gonna feel responsible for
this, Harold. I did everything I
could. You're going to Levenworth
for the better part of your life,
and you know what? I don't give a
shit.

KAFFEE calls out --

KAFFEE
(continuing)

M.P.!

KAFFEE and DAWSON are staring each other down. The M.P.
shows up and unlocks the cell door. KAFFEE steps out to
leave.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
What happened to saluting an
officer when he leaves the room?

DAWSON holds on KAFFEE. Then DAWSON, a man who would rather
die than breach military protocol, takes his hands and puts
them in his pockets.

The cell door closes and we

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal, Military
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Defiant

Summary Frustrated lieutenant Kaffee offers a plea deal to Marines Dawson and Downey, but they adamantly refuse, vowing to uphold their integrity despite facing a lengthier prison sentence. Kaffee, enraged by their decision, storms out of the room, leaving Dawson and Downey unwavering in their determination to maintain their honor.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Exploration of loyalty and honor
Compelling character dynamics

Weaknesses

Limited physical action
Heavy reliance on dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, leaving the audience hanging without a satisfying conclusion.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially in the interactions between Kaffee and Dawson.
The emotional stakes of the scene could be heightened to create more tension and engagement for the audience.
The character motivations and conflicts could be more clearly defined to drive the scene forward.
There is a lack of subtlety in the character interactions, making the scene feel heavy-handed and melodramatic.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a clear resolution or turning point to provide closure for the scene.
Work on refining the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities.
Focus on building the emotional intensity of the scene to create a more impactful and engaging moment.
Clarify the character motivations and conflicts to drive the scene towards a more compelling outcome.
Try to add more nuance and subtlety to the character interactions to avoid a heavy-handed or melodramatic tone.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE OFFICE CORRIDOR - NIGHT

One light is on at the end of the hall.

CUT TO:
66.

SAM has joined KAFFEE and JO. The mood is somber.

KAFFEE
Dawson's gonna go to jail just to
spite me. Fine. If he wants to jump
off a cliff, that's his business.
I'm not gonna hold his hand on the
way down.
(to SAM)
I want to get him a new lawyer. How
do I do it?

SAM
You just make a motion tomorrow
morning at the arraignment. The
judge'll ask you if you want to
enter a plea. You tell him you want
new counsel assigned.

KAFFEE
(beat)
Then that's that.

JO
(beat)
Yeah. One thing, though. When you
ask the judge for new counsel,
Danny, be sure and ask nicely.

KAFFEE
What do you want from me?

JO
I want you to let 'em be judged! I
want you to stand up and make an
argument!

SAM
An argument that didn't work for
Calley at My Lai, an argument that
didn't work for the Nazis at
Nuremberg.

KAFFEE
For Christ sake, Sam, do you really
think that's the same as two
teenage marines executing a routine
order that they never believed
would result in harm? These guys
aren't the Nazis.

There's a pause in the room.
67.

JO
Don't look now, Danny, but you're
making an argument.

KAFFEE
(pause)
Yeah.
(beat)
Tomorrow morning I'll get them a
new attorney.

JO
Why are you so afraid to be a
lawyer? Were daddy's expectations
really that high?

KAFFEE
Please, spare me the psycho-babble
father bullshit. Dawson and
Downey'll have their day in court,
but they'll have it with another
lawyer.

JO
Another lawyer won't be good
enough. They need you. You know how
to win.
(beat)
You know they have a case. And you
know how to win. You walk away from
this now, and you have sealed their
fate.

KAFFEE
Their fate was sealed the moment
Santiago died.

JO
Do you believe they have a defense?

KAFFEE
You and Dawson both live in the
same dreamland. It doesn't matter
what I believe, it only matters
what I can prove. So please don't
tell me what I know and don't know.
I know the law.

JO looks at him, shakes her head, and turns to walk away.
She turns back.

JO
You know nothing about the law.
You're a used car salesman, Daniel.
68.

You're an ambulance chaser with a
rank. You're nothing.
(beat)
Live with that.

Jo walks off leaving KAFFEE alone. We HOLD on KAFFEE. He's
not having a good night.

CUT TO:

INT. A GEORGETOWN BAR - NIGHT

KAFFEE sits at the bar. The place is crowded with YUPPIES
and STUDENTS. KAFFEE's been drinking there a while now. Next
to him is a YUPPIE LAWYER, regaling his FRIENDS with the
story of his latest brilliant maneuver in the world of high
stakes corporate law.

We HOLD on a KAFFEE a moment longer, then

YUPPIE LAWYER
...So I told duncan if we leverage
the acquisition of Biotech, the
interrogatories would be there on
demand. All I have to do is not
pick up the phone and it'll run
Flaherty ten thousand a day in
court costs.

CUT TO:

EXT. A GEORGETOWN STREET - NIGHT

KAFFEE sits on a bench in the night. He takes a sip from a
bottle he's holding in a brown paper bag.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE PARADE GROUNDS - DAY

A bright, sunny morning. The BAND is performing for a group
of day campers.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Character Study
Tone: Somber, Reflective, Defiant

Summary Kaffee grapples with the decision of taking on Dawson's case after Jo challenges his beliefs. Despite his initial resistance, Jo's words leave him shaken, forcing him to weigh his motivations and the consequences of walking away.

Strengths

Deep character exploration
Introspective dialogue
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Lack of external action
Slow pacing

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, leading to a disjointed and confusing narrative.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with characters making abrupt shifts in tone and emotion.
There is a lack of depth and development in the characters' motivations and conflicts, making it difficult for the audience to connect with them.
The scene fails to build tension or create a sense of urgency, resulting in a lackluster and unengaging interaction between the characters.
The transition between different locations and time frames is abrupt and disorienting, making it hard to follow the progression of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each character's actions and dialogue contribute to the overall story arc.
Focus on developing the characters' motivations and conflicts to create more depth and emotional resonance.
Improve the pacing of the scene by building tension and creating a sense of urgency in the interactions between the characters.
Smooth out the transitions between different locations and time frames to create a more cohesive and coherent narrative flow.
Consider revising the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of each character's personality and emotional state.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE COURTROOM - DAY

DAWSON and DOWNEY are at the defense table, ROSS is his
place. KAFFEE walks in and joins JO and SAM at their table.
Papers are being passed back and forth between ROSS and the
SERGEANT AT AMS. Quiet activity.
69.

The door in the back of the courtroom opens and RANDOLPH, a
marine colonel, enters and takes his place at the bench. We
can HEAR the band in the background.

SERGEANT AT ARMS
All rise.

Everyone present in the courtroom stands.

RANDOLPH
Where are we?

SERGEANT AT ARMS
Docket number 411275. VR-5. United
States versus Lance Corporal Harold
W. Dawson and Private First Class
Loudon Downey. Defendants are
charged with Conspiracy to Commit
Murder, Murder in the First Degree,
and Conduct Unbecoming a United
States Marine.

RANDOLPH
Does defense wish to enter a plea?

KAFFEE stands.

KAFFEE
Yeah.
(pause)
They're not guilty.

JO, SAM, ROSS, RANDOLPH... it's hard to say who's the most
surprised. It takes everything Jo's got to suppress a smile.
The silence is broken by ROSS, who takes the two files,
drops them into his briefcase, closes the lid, and snaps it
shut.

RANDOLPH looks at KAFFEE and ROSS, then turns to the
SERGEANT AT ARMS.

RANDOLPH
Enter a plea of not guilty for the
defendants. We'll adjourn until ten-
hundred, three weeks from today, at
which time this Court will
reconvene as a General Court-
Martial.

He raps the gavel.

RANDOLPH walks out. ROSS walks up the aisle without a word
to anyone. The M.P.'s come to escort DAWSON and DOWNEY back
to their cell.
70.

KAFFEE and JO and SAM are the only ones remaining. SAM is
looking at KAFFEE with question marks in his eyes.

KAFFEE
Why does a junior grade with six
months experience and a track
record for plea bargaining get
assigned a murder case?
(beat)
Would it be so that it never sees
the inside of a courtroom?

KAFFEE picks up his briefcase and begins heading toward the
door.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
We'll work out of my apartment.
Every night, seven o'clock. Jo,
before you come over tonight, pick
up a carton of legal pads, a half-
dozen boxes of red pens, a half-
dozen boxes of black pens. Sam get
a couple of desk lamps. I need you
to start on a preliminary medical
profile and Jo, we need all the
fitness reports on Dawson, Downey
and Santiago. The only thing I have
to eat is Yoo-Hoo and SugarSnacks,
so if you want anything else, bring
it with you. Okay?

Jo's still stunned.

JO
Yeah.

KAFFEE's at the door, stops, turns around, and takes it all
in for a moment.

KAFFEE
So this is what a courtroom looks
like.

He walks out the door, and we

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Serious, Intense, Intriguing

Summary During the arraignment, Lance Corporal Dawson and Private Downey plead not guilty to charges of conspiracy to commit murder, murder in the first degree, and conduct unbecoming a Marine. The defense attorney, Lieutenant Kaffee, and his team plan their next steps in preparing for the trial, including gathering medical and fitness records on the defendants.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled atmosphere
Pivotal decision-making

Weaknesses

Some characters' motivations could be further explored

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition or buildup to Kaffee's surprising plea of not guilty, leaving the audience and other characters confused.
The dialogue feels a bit rushed and lacks depth, especially in the interactions between the characters.
There is a missed opportunity to build tension and drama in the courtroom, as the reactions of the characters to Kaffee's plea could have been more impactful.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and sensory details to create a vivid and engaging setting.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit off, with Kaffee's decision to plea not guilty coming across as abrupt and lacking in emotional impact.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a buildup to Kaffee's plea, perhaps by showing his internal struggle or hinting at his intentions earlier in the scene.
Work on developing the dialogue to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations.
Explore ways to heighten the tension and drama in the courtroom, such as by focusing on the reactions of the other characters to Kaffee's plea.
Enhance the visual descriptions and sensory details to create a more immersive and vivid setting for the scene.
Revisit the pacing of the scene to ensure that Kaffee's decision to plea not guilty feels more impactful and emotionally resonant.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Among the stuff, is a blackboard that's been hung on the
wall. Written across the top are three headings:
71.

INTENT CODE RED THE ORDER

Sam is on the floor, sorting papers into piles. KAFFEE comes
in from the kitchen with a fresh bottle of Yoo-Hoo and joins
Sam on the floor.

KAFFEE
Were you able to speak to your
friend at NIS?

SAM
She said if Markinson doesn't want
to be found, we're not gonna find
him. She said I could be Markinson
and you wouldn't know it.

KAFFEE
Are you Markinson?

SAM
No.

KAFFEE
Well, I'm not Markinson, that's two
down.

SAM doesn't laugh.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
What.

SAM
(pause)
I was wondering, now that Joanne's
working on this... I was wondering
if you still need me.

KAFFEE
(pause)
They were following an order, Sam.

SAM
An illegal order.

KAFFEE
You think Dawson and Downey know it
was an illegal order?

SAM
It doesn't matter if they know, any
decent human being would've refused
to --
72.

KAFFEE
They're not permitted to question
orders.

SAM
Then what's the secret? What are
the magic words? I give orders
every day, and nobody follows them.

KAFFEE
We have softball games and marching
bands. They work at a place where
you have to wear camouflage or you
might get shot.

Sam looks away. He doesn't buy it.

KAFFEE
(continuing; pause)
I need you. You're better at
research than I am and you know how
to prepare a witness.

Jo lets herself in. She's carrying a huge stack of papers
under one arm, and a large brown paper bag under the other.
But we stay with KAFFEE and Sam a moment longer.

JO
I've got medical reports and
Chinese food. I say we eat first.

KAFFEE's still looking at SAM. SAM nods his head.

SAM
Did you get any dumplings?

CUT TO:

INT. KAFFEE'S APT. - LATER - NIGHT

The remnants of the Chinese food is spread around. SAM and
JO are sitting and taking notes from KAFFEE. As he speaks,
he'll pace slowly around, carrying his baseball bat. He
refers to the blackboard.

KAFFEE
This is our defense. Intent: No one
can prove there was poison on the
raq. Code Red: They're common and
accepted in Guantanamo Bay. The
Order:
(he writes) A) Kendrick
gave it. B) They had no
choice but to follow it.
73.

(beat)
That's it.

SAM
What about motive?

KAFFEE
We're a little weak on motive. They
had one.

JO
Just because a person has a motive
doesn't mean --

KAFFEE
Relax. We'll deal with the
fenceline shooting when it comes
up. For now we start here --
(pointing to INTENT)
I don't know what made Santiago
die, I don't want to know. I just
want to be able to show it could've
been something other than poison.
Jo, talk to doctors. Find out
everything there is to know about
lactic acidosis. Let's start
prepping for Stone.

JO
As long as we're on the subject of
the doctor --

KAFFEE
Here we go.

JO
Listen to me, three o'clock he
doesn't know what killed Santiago,
then he meets with Jessep, and at
five o'clock he says it was poison?
The doctor's covering up the truth.

KAFFEE
Oh, that's a relief. I was afraid I
wouldn't be able to use the "Liar,
Liar, Pants on Fire" defense. We
can't prove coercion!! Alright,
fitness reports and biographical
information.

SAM
Cartons 3 and 4.
74.

KAFFEE looks at the cartons and the mind-numbing amount of
paper.

KAFFEE
No Cliff-Notes on these things?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT -

SERIES OF SCENES

The scenes cover the three weeks of preparation leading up
to the trial, and are interspersed with shots of Kaffee's
apartment getting messier, KAFFEE, JO and SAM flipping
through documents and reference books, writing on the
blackboard, dozzing off...

We start with

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Serious, Tense, Investigative, Reflective

Summary Amidst piles of paperwork, Sam questions Kaffee's need for his assistance on the case. Kaffee reassures him of his importance, explaining the distinction between obeying orders and unlawful commands. Jo arrives with medical reports and takeout as the team delves into preparation for the upcoming trial.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Tension-building
Character development
Legal drama elements

Weaknesses

Limited character changes
Heavy exposition

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with the characters discussing various aspects of the case without a cohesive thread tying it all together.
The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth, with characters jumping from one topic to another without fully exploring the implications or emotions behind their words.
There is a lack of tension and urgency in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging for the audience.
The pacing of the scene is slow and meandering, with no sense of progression or development in the characters or the plot.
The visual elements of the scene are not utilized effectively to enhance the storytelling or create a dynamic atmosphere.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on a central conflict or goal for the characters to work towards in the scene, providing a clear direction for the dialogue and actions.
Deepen the emotional stakes for the characters by exploring their motivations, fears, and relationships more fully.
Increase the tension and urgency in the scene by introducing obstacles or challenges that the characters must overcome.
Streamline the dialogue to ensure that each conversation contributes to the overall narrative and character development.
Consider incorporating visual cues or elements to enhance the storytelling and create a more engaging visual experience for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Jo's on the phone, KAFFEE and SAM are going over testimony,
with SAM sitting in a mock witness chair. During this,
KAFFEE will go to the door, pay the PIZZA Man for the pizza,
and return without missing a single beat.

JO
(into phone)
Captain Hill, this is Lt. Commander
Galloway, I'm an internal affairs
officer with the JAG Corps in
Washington, D.C. I'm trying to
track down a Captain Matthew Andrew
Markinson, USMC...

KAFFEE
Doctor, other than the rope marks,
was there any other sign of
external damage?

SAM
No.

KAFFEE
No scrapes?

SAM
No.

KAFFEE
No cuts?
75.

JO
(into phone)
He resigned his commission a week
ago Thursday.

KAFFEE
Bruises? Broken bones?

SAM
No.

JO
(into phone)
No, please don't put me on hold --

KAFFEE
Doctor, was there any sign of
violence?

SAM
(beat)
You mean other than the dead body?

KAFFEE
Fuck!! I walk into that every
goddam time!

SAM
Don't ask the last question.

CUT TO:

INT. A LAW LIBRARY - NIGHT

MOS -- JO pulls two thick volumes off a shelf and takes them
to the table where SAM and KAFFEE are working. She plops the
books down where they join a pile of about two-dozen just
like them and we

CUT TO:

INT. A COFFEE SHOP - DAY

The LAWYERS have their books and papers spread out in front
of them.

KAFFEE
Lt. Kendrick, the type of
disciplinary action, or "training''
as you say --

JO
Object.
76.

KAFFEE
Please the Court, I maintain that
nothing could be more relevant than
what the defendants learned by the
example of, among others, the
witness.

JO
Nice.

CUT TO:

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

MOS -- KAFFEE's paying the pizza boy again. He goes into the
living room where SAM is on the "stand". It's getting hard
to see the floor from all the papers, cartons, books, pizza
boxes, etc., and

CUT TO:

INT. THE BRIG - DAY

A HOLDING ROOM where DAWSON and DOWNEY are being put through
their paces.

JO
And what happened after Kendrick
came into your room?

DOWNEY
(beat)
He ordered me and Corporal Dawson
to give Willy a Code Red.

SAM
(to Jo)
His answers still have to come
faster, Jo. The Iowa farmboy
thing'll play for a while, but in
the end it looks like he's
searching for the truth.

KAFFEE
(to Dawson & Downey)
He's right, and from now on,
"Willy" is Private Santiago. You
start calling him Willy and all of
a sudden he's a person who's got a
mother who's gonna miss him.

CUT TO:
77.

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Sarcastic

Summary Kaffee, Jo, and Sam prepare for trial by spreading out books and papers in a coffee shop. Kaffee continues to question Sam about the lack of external damage on the victim, who Sam tells him to stop asking about. Kaffee also tells Dawson and Downey that they need to start referring to the victim by his name instead of a nickname.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension building
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some repetitive elements in dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and focus, jumping between different locations and conversations without a cohesive thread.
The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks natural flow, with abrupt transitions between different topics and characters.
There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in the scene, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The visual descriptions are minimal and do not effectively set the scene or create a sense of atmosphere.
The scene is cluttered with unnecessary details and distractions, such as the repeated interactions with the pizza delivery man.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on one central conversation or conflict to drive the scene forward and maintain audience engagement.
Streamline the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, focusing on advancing the plot and developing the characters.
Enhance the emotional depth of the scene by exploring the internal struggles and motivations of the characters.
Provide more vivid and descriptive visual cues to create a clear picture of the setting and enhance the overall atmosphere.
Eliminate unnecessary distractions and details that do not contribute to the scene's progression or character development.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE APARTMENT - NIGHT

MOS -- The clock reads 3:37, and KAFFEE, in sweatpants and a
bathrobe, is pacing around slowly with his baseball bat and

CUT TO:

SAM and JO art listening to a lecture for the 14th time.

KAFFEE
Poker faces. Don't flinch in front
of the jury. Something doesn't go
our way, don't hang your head,
don't shift in your seat, don't
scribble furiously. Whatever
happens, you have to look like it's
exactly what you knew was gonna
happen. When you pass me documents -
-

JO/SAM
Do it swiftly, but don't look
overanxious.

KAFFEE
(beat)
And don't wear that perfume in
Court, it wrecks my concentration.

JO
Really!

KAFFEE
I was talking to Sam.

SAM
What time is it?

KAFFEE
Time to go home. Try to get some
sleep tonight.

JO
(to SAM)
I'll give you a ride.

SAM begins to gather up his things. He stands in front of

KAFFEE.

KAFFEE
(to SAM)
You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
78.

SAM
See you in court.

Sam steps out the door. JO looks at the ground, then up at

KAFFEE.

JO
Danny --

KAFFEE
I know what you're gonna say. You
don't have to. We've had our
differences. I've said some things
I didn't mean, you've said some
things you didn't means but you're
happy that I stuck with the case.
And if you've gained a certain
respect for me over the last three
weeks that you didn't have before,
well, of course I'm happy about
that, but we don't have to make a
whole big deal out of it. You like
me. I won't make you say it.

JO
I was just gonna tell you to wear
matching socks tomorrow.

KAFFEE
(beat)
Oh.
(beat)
Okay. Good tip.

JO
We're ready.

KAFFEE
Bet your ass.

Jo walks out the door and KAFFEE closes it and locks it
behind her.

Then he says, very softly...

KAFFEE
(continuing)
We're gonna get creamed.

CUT TO:
79.

INT. THE COURTHOUSE CORRIDOR - DAY

A few M.P.Is are standing by the entrance. KAFFEE comes
around the corner and heads toward the courtroom. We're
immediately stricken by something:

In his dress blue uniform he could easily be mistaken for a
real live naval officer. He opens the courtroom doors and
walks into

Genres: Legal Drama, Courtroom Drama
Tone: Serious, Tense, Reflective

Summary Kaffee gives Sam and Jo instructions for their courtroom conduct, including maintaining composure and refraining from wearing perfume. Jo attempts to apologize for past conflicts, but Kaffee dismisses it, acknowledging her newfound respect for him. As they depart, Kaffee expresses his belief that they will lose the case.

Strengths

Effective portrayal of characters' emotions
Building tension for the upcoming trial
Realistic dialogue

Weaknesses

Limited action in the scene
Lack of external conflict

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, with Kaffee pacing around and giving random instructions to Sam and Jo.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with Kaffee's instructions coming across as overly dramatic and unnecessary.
There is a lack of depth and emotional resonance in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
The transition between Kaffee's pacing and the interaction with Sam and Jo is abrupt and disjointed.
The scene fails to build tension or advance the plot in a meaningful way, leaving the audience feeling disconnected.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on a specific goal or conflict in the scene to drive the narrative forward.
Streamline the dialogue to make it more realistic and purposeful.
Add emotional depth and character development to make the scene more engaging.
Consider a smoother transition between Kaffee's pacing and the interaction with Sam and Jo.
Ensure that each scene contributes to the overall story arc and character development.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE COURTROOM - DAY

A few more M.P.'s are standing around. THE JURORS, nine
enlisted navy and marine men and women, are in their place,
Ross is at his table looking through some papers, and DAWSON
and DOWNEY, in handcuffs, are seated at the defense table.
The trial in a few moments from being underway and a few
people are milling about. KAFFEE walks down the aisle but is
stopped by a voice behind him.

MAN (O.S.)
Lieutenant Kaffee?

KAFFEE turns around to see a MAN and WOMAN who are clearly
Dawson's parents.

MAN
You're gonna save our son, aren't
you?

KAFFEE
(pause)
I'll do my best.

KAFFEE continues on and stops next to JO, who's talking with
a WOMAN in her mid-30's.

JO
Danny, I want you to meet Ginny
Miller, Louden's aunt.

KAFFEE
You're Aunt Ginny?

GINNY
Uh-huh.

KAFFEE
I'm sorry, I was expecting someone
older.

GINNY
So was I.
80.

Not quite the words of inspiration KAFFEE was hoping to hear
before he does the hardest thing he's ever had to do.

He walks over to ROSS.

KAFFEE
Last chance. I'll flip you for it.

RANDOLPH enters.

SERGEANT AT ARMS
All rise.

ROSS
Too late.

KAFFEE walks back to his table as

SERGEANT AT ARMS
All those having business with this
general court-martial, stand
forward and you shall be heard.
Captain Julius Alexander Randolph
is presiding. God save the United
States of America.

RANDOLPH raps the gavel.

RANDOLPH without objection, the sworn confessions of the two
defendants have been read to the jury and entered into the
court record.

ROSS
No objection, your honor.

KAFFEE
No objection.

RANDOLPH
Is the Government prepared to make
an opening statement?

ROSS
(standing)
Yes sir.

ROSS walks to the jury box.
81.

ROSS
(continuing)
The facts of the case are this: At
midnight on August 6th, the
defendants went into the barracks
room of their platoon-mate, PFC
William Santiago. They woke him up,
tied his arms and legs with rope,
and forced a rag into his throat. A
few minutes later, a chemical
reaction in Santiago's body called
lactic acidosis caused his lungs to
begin bleeding. He drowned in his
own blood and was pronounced dead
at 32 minutes past midnight. These
are the facts of the case. And they
are undisputed. That's right. The
story I just told you is the exact
same story you're going to hear
from Corporal Dawson, and it's the
exact same story you're going to
hear from Private Downey.
Furthermore, the Government will
also demonstrate that the
defendants soaked the rag with
poison, and entered Santiago's room
with motive and intent to kill.
(beat)
Now, Lt. Kaffee, is gonna try to
pull off a little magic act, he's
gonna try a little misdirection.
He's going to astonish you with
stories of rituals and dazzle you
with official sounding terms like
Code Red. He might even cut into a
few officers for you. He'll have no
evidence, mind you, none. But it's
gonna be entertaining. When we get
to the end, all the magic in the
world will not have been able to
divert your attention from the fact
that Willy Santiago is dead, and
Dawson and Downey killed him. These
are the facts of the case.
(beat)
And they are undisputed.

ROSS walks back to his seat.

RANDOLPH
Lt. Kaffee?

Before KAFFEE's even stood up, these words are coming out of
his mouth.
82.

KAFFEE
There was no poison on the rag and
there was no intent to kill and any
attempt to prove otherwise is
futile because it just ain't true.
(beat)
When Dawson and Downey went into
Santiago's room that night, it
wasn't because of vengeance or
hatred, it wasn't to kill or harm,
and it wasn't because they were
looking for kicks on a Friday
night. It's because it was what
they were ordered to do.
(beat)
Let me say that again: It's because
it was what they were ordered to
do. Now, out in the real world,
that means nothing. And here at the
Washington Navy Yard, it doesn't
mean a whole lot more. But if
you're a marine assigned to Rifle
Security Company Windward,
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and you're
given an order, you follow it or
you pack your bags.
(beat)
Make no mistake about it, Harold
Dawson and Louden Downey are
sitting before you in judgement
today because they did their job.

KAFFEE walks back to the table and takes his seat.

RANDOLPH
Is the Government ready to call its
first witness?

ROSS
Please the Court, the Government
calls Mr. R.C McGuire.

While McCGUIRE, a civilian in his late 30's, is being sworn
in, KAFFEE has sat back down.

He leans over to DAWSON and whispers.

KAFFEE
How you doin'?

DAWSON doesn't change his expression.
83.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Good.

ROSS
Mr. McGuire, would you state your
full name and occupation for the
record, please?

MCGUIRE
Robert C. McGuire, Special Agent,
Naval Investigative Service.

Genres: Legal Drama, Courtroom Drama
Tone: Serious, Tense, Dramatic

Summary As the highly anticipated trial of Dawson and Downey commences, tensions soar in the courtroom. Defense attorney Kaffee engages with the defendants' families, expressing confidence in his clients' innocence. In his opening statement, prosecutor Ross asserts their malicious intent in killing Santiago, while Kaffee counters that they acted under orders. The prosecution's key witness, Special Agent McGuire, testifies as the trial unfolds.

Strengths

Tension-filled dialogue
Effective establishment of central conflict
Engaging courtroom drama

Weaknesses

Limited character development within the scene

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
The dialogue between Kaffee and the defendants' parents lacks emotional depth and impact, missing an opportunity to create a more compelling moment.
The opening statements by Ross and Kaffee are quite generic and lack specificity, making them less engaging for the audience.
The courtroom setting and interactions between the characters could be more vividly described to create a stronger visual impact.
The transition from Ross's opening statement to Kaffee's response feels rushed and could benefit from a smoother flow.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief transition or recap at the beginning of the scene to connect it more seamlessly to the previous events.
Enhance the emotional exchange between Kaffee and the defendants' parents to create a more impactful moment.
Revise the opening statements to be more specific and engaging, providing more insight into the case and the characters' perspectives.
Provide more detailed descriptions of the courtroom setting and character interactions to enhance the visual storytelling.
Work on improving the flow between Ross's opening statement and Kaffee's response to create a more natural progression in the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

ROSS
Mr. McGuire, did your office
receive a letter from PFC William
Santiago on 3 August of this year?

MCGUIRE
We did.

ROSS
What did the letter say?

MCGUIRE
That a member of Private Santiago's
unit had illegally fired his weapon
over the fenceline.

ROSS
Was that marine identified in the
letter?

MCGUIRE
No sir. I notified the barracks
C.O., Colonel Jessep, that I would
be coming down to investigate.

ROSS
And what did you find?

MCGUIRE
For the shift reported, only one
sentry returned his weapon to the
switch with a round of ammunition
missing.

ROSS
And who was that?

MCGUIRE
Lance Corporal Harold Dawson.
84.

ROSS
(continuing; to KAFFEE)
Your witness.

ROSS goes back to his table. KAFFEE stands.

KAFFEE
Mr. McGuire, have you questioned
Corporal Dawson about the fenceline
shooting?

MCGUIRE
Yes. He claims to have been engaged
in some manner by the enemy.

KAFFEE
But you don't believe him.

MCGUIRE
It's not my place --

KAFFEE
Corporal Dawson's been charged with
a number of crimes, why wasn't he
charged with firing at the enemy
without cause?

MCGUIRE
There wasn't enough evidence to
support such a charge.

KAFFEE
Thank you.

KAFFEE sits.

ROSS
Mr. McGuire, I don't understand
what you mean when you say there
wasn't enough evidence to support
such a charge. You had Willy
Santiago's letter.

MCGUIRE
Santiago was the only witness, but
I never had a chance to interview
him. So I don't know what he saw.

ROSS
And now we won't ever know, will
we, Mr. McGuire?

MCGUIRE
No.
85.

ROSS
No more questions.

CUT TO:

HAMMAKER, a young marine corporal, is being sworn in.

HAMMAKER
Corporal Carl Edward Hammaker,
Marine Barracks, Rifle Security
Company Windward, Second Platoon
Charlie.

ROSS
Corporal, were you present at a
meeting that Lt. Kendrick held on
the afternoon of August 6th with
the members of second platoon.

HAMMAKER
Yes sir.

ROSS
Would you tell the Court the
substance of that meeting?

HAMMAKER
Lt. Kendrick told us that we had an
informer in our group. That
Private Santiago had gone outside
the chain of command and reported
to the NIS on a member of our
platoon.

ROSS
Did that make you mad?
(pause)
You can tell the truth, corporal,
it's alright. Did it make you mad?

HAMMAKER
Yes sir.

ROSS
How mad?

HAMMAKER
Private Santiago betrayed a code
that we believe in very deeply,
sir.

ROSS
Were the other members of the squad
angry?
86.

KAFFEE
Object --

ROSS
Were Dawson and Downey?

KAFFEE
Please the Court, is the judge
advocate honestly asking this
witness to testify as to how the
defendant felt on August 6th?

RANDOLPH
Sustained.

ROSS
Corporal, did Lt. Kendrick leave a
standing order at that meeting?

RANDOLPH
Yes sir.

ROSS
What was it?

HAMMAKER
Well it was clear that he didn't
want us to take matters into our
own hands, sir.

ROSS
What was the order?

HAMMAKER
Sir, he said that Santiago wasn't
to be touched.

ROSS
(to KAFFEE)
Your witness.

KAFFEE
Corporal Hammaker, were you in
Dawson and Downey's barracks room
ten minutes after this meeting?

HAMMAKER
No sir.

KAFFEE
Thanks, I have no more questions.
87.

HAMMAKER gets off the stand, and KAFFEE watches while walks
past DAWSON and DOWNEY. A barely perceptible exchange occurs
between the eyes of DAWSON and HAMMAKER.

KAFFEE makes a decision.

ROSS
The Government calls Corporal
Raymond Thomas --

KAFFEE
Please the Court, I understand Lt.
Ross is planning on calling all the
other members of Rifle Security
Company Windward to testify.

ROSS
In light of the defense that Lt.
Kaffee is planning to mount, the
explicit instructions of the
platoon leader seems particularly
relevant testimony.

KAFFEE
The defense is willing to concede
that all 23 witnesses will testify
substantially as Corporal Hammaker
did, if the Government is willing
to concede that none of them were
in Dawson and Downey's room at
16:20 on August 6th.

RANDOLPH
(to ROSS)
Lieutenant?

ROSS
The Government'll agree to the
stipulation, sir.

RANDOLPH
Then we'll adjourn for the day. You
can call your next witness in the
morning.

CUT TO:

SHOT OF WASHINGTON AT NIGHT

DISSOLVE TO:
88.

THE PARADE GROUNDS - EARLY MORNING, two SAILORS are raising
the flag.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Military Drama
Tone: Serious, Intense, Investigative

Summary During a military trial, Lieutenant Ross questions Special Agent McGuire about the investigation into the illegal firing of a weapon over the fenceline. McGuire confirms the existence of a letter alleging the incident and reports notifying Colonel Jessep of his intent to investigate. Dawson, a sentry, is identified as the only individual with a missing round of ammunition, leading to suspicions of his involvement. However, insufficient evidence prevents a charge for firing at the enemy without cause. Ross argues that Santiago's death has hindered verification of his claims, implicating Dawson further. McGuire acknowledges the lack of evidence, and they agree to a stipulation that no other members of the unit were present during the incident.

Strengths

Engaging courtroom drama
Tension-filled negotiation
Revealing crucial information

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some repetitive dialogue

General Critique

The scene provides important information about the investigation into the fenceline shooting and the events leading up to Santiago's death.
The dialogue between Ross and McGuire is informative and helps to establish the timeline of events.
There is a good balance of questioning and testimony, which keeps the scene engaging.
The conflict between the prosecution and the defense is effectively portrayed through the questioning of the witness.
The scene effectively sets up the next witness and leaves the audience wanting to know more.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the courtroom.
Try to incorporate more character emotions and reactions to make the scene more dynamic.
Explore opportunities for character development or interactions to add depth to the scene.
Consider adding some tension or suspense to keep the audience engaged throughout the scene.
Ensure that the dialogue is concise and serves to move the plot forward effectively.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE COURTROOM - DAY

COMMANDER STONE, a Navy doctor in his mid-40's, is on the
stand.

STONE
...And he was pronounced dead at
zero-zero-thirty-seven.

ROSS
Dr. Stone, what's lactic acidosis?

STONE
If the muscles and other cells of
the body burn sugar instead of
oxygen, lactic acid is produced.
That lactic acid is what caused
Santiago's lungs to bleed.

ROSS
How long does it take for the
muscles and other cells to begin
burning oxygen instead of sugar?

STONE
Twenty to thirty minutes.

ROSS
And what caused Santiago's muscles
and other cells to start burning
sugar?

STONE
An ingested poison of some kind.

KAFFEE
Your Honor, we object at this
point. The witness is speculating.

ROSS
Commander Stone is an expert
medical witness, in this courtroom
his opinion isn't considered
speculation.
89.

KAFFEE
Commander Stone is an internist,
not a criminologist, and the
medical facts here are ultimately
inconclusive.

RANDOLPH
A point which I'm confident you'll
illustrate to the jury under cross-
examination, so I'm sure you won't
mind if his opinion is admitted
now.

KAFFEE
Not at all, sir. Objection
withdrawn.

KAFFEE sits.

ROSS
Doctor Stone, did Willy Santiago
die of poisoning?

STONE
Absolutely.

ROSS
Are you aware that the lab report
and the coroners report showed no
traces of poison?

STONE
Yes I am.

ROSS
Then how do you justify --

STONE
There are literally dozens of
toxins which are virtually
undetectable, both in the human
body and on a fabric. The nature of
the acidosis is the compelling
factor in this issue.

ROSS
Thank you, sir.

KAFFEE gets up.

KAFFEE
Commander, you testified that it
takes lactic acidosis 20 to 30
minutes before it becomes lethal.
90.

STONE
Yes.

KAFFEE
Let me ask you, is it possible for
a person to have an affliction,
some sort of condition, which
might, in the case of this person,
actually speed up the process of
acidosis dramatically?

STONE says nothing for a moment.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Commander, is it possible?

STONE
Certainly.

KAFFEE
What might some of those conditions
be?

STONE
(beat)
If a person had a coronary
disorder... or a cerebral disorder,
the process would be more rapid.

KAFFEE
Commander, if I had a coronary
condition, and a perfectly clean
rag was placed in my mouth, and the
rag was accidentally pushed too far
down, is it possible that my cells
would continue burning sugar after
the rag was taken out?

STONE
It would have to be a very serious
condition.

KAFFEE
Is it possible to have a serious
coronary condition, where the
initial warning signals were so
mild as to escape a physician
during a routine medical exam?

STONE
Possibly. There would still be
symptoms though.
91.

KAFFEE
What kind of symptoms?

STONE
There are hundreds of symptoms of a
--

KAFFEE
Chest pains?

STONE
(beat)
Yes.

KAFFEE
Shortness of breath?

STONE
Yes.

KAFFEE
Fatigue?

STONE
Of course.

KAFFEE has gone back to his table where JO has handed him
some documents. He shows then to STONE.

KAFFEE
Doctor, is this your signature?

STONE
Yes it is.

KAFFEE
This in an order for Private
Santiago to be put on restricted
duty. Would you read your hand
written remarks at the bottom of
the page, please, sir.

STONE
(reading)
"Initial testing negative. Patient
complains of chest pains, shortness
of breath, and fatigue. Restricted
from running distances over five
miles for one week."
92.

KAFFEE
Commander, isn't it possible that
Santiago had a serious coronary
condition, and it was that
condition, and not some mysterious
poison, that caused the accelerated
chemical reaction?

STONE
No. I personally give the men a
physical examination every three
months. And every three months
Private Santiago got a clean bill
of health.

KAFFEE
And that's why it had to be,
poison, right, Commander? 'Cause
Lord knows, if you put a man with a
serious coronary condition back on
duty with a clean bill of health,
and that man died from a heart
related incident, you'd have a lot
to answer for, wouldn't you,
doctor?

ROSS
Object. Move to strike.

RANDOLPH
Sustained. Strike it.

KAFFEE
No more questions, judge.

ROSS stands immediately.

ROSS
Dr. Stone, you've held a license to
practice medicine for 21 years, you
are Board Certified in Internal
Medicine, you are the Chief of
Internal Medicine at a hospital
which serves over 8000 men. In your
professional opinion, was Willy
Santiago poisoned?

Jo stands.

JO
Your Honor, we re-new our objection
to Commander Stone's testimony, and
ask that it be stricken from the
record.
93.

And we further ask that the Court
instruct the jury to lend no weight
to this witness's testimony.

KAFFEE and SAM are dying, but they're trying to keep their
poker-faces. RANDOLPH'S gonna try to be polite about this,
but he thought he made himself clear.

RANDOLPH
The objection's overruled, counsel.

JO
Sir, the defense strenuously
objects and requests a meeting in
chambers so that his honor might
have an opportunity to hear
discussion before ruling on the
objection.

RANDOLPH
The objection of the defense has
been heard and overruled.

JO
Exception.

RANDOLPH
Noted. The witness is an expert and
the court will hear his opinion.

ROSS
Doctor, in your expert,
professional opinion, was Willy
Santiago poisoned?

STONE
Yes.

ROSS
Thank you, sir, I have no more
questions.

RANDOLPH
Commander, you may step down.

ROSS
Please the Court, while we reserve
the right to call rebuttal
witnesses if the need arises, the
Government rests.
94.

RANDOLPH
We'll stand in recess until ten-
hundred hours this Monday, the l9th
at which time the defense will call
it's first witness.

RANDOLPH raps his gavel.

SERGEANT AT ARMS
Ten hut.

And the courtroom begins clearing out. KAFFEE, JO and SAM
are packing up their various papers.

SAM
I strenuously object? Is that how
it works? Objection. Overruled. No,
no, no, no, I strenuously object.
Oh, well if you strenuously object,
let me take a moment to reconsider.

JO
I got it on the record.

SAM
You also got it in the jury's head
that we're afraid of the doctor.
You object once so they can hear
you say he's not a criminologist.
You keep after it and it looks like
this great cross we did was just a
bunch of fancy lawyer tricks. It's
the difference between paper law
and trial --

KAFFEE
Sam --

SAM
Christ, you even had the Judge
saying Stone was an expert!

KAFFEE
Sam, she made a mistake. Let's not
relive it.

There's an uncomfortable silence.

SAM
I'm gonna go call my wife. I'll
meet you tonight.

Sam starts to leave. JO turns and says
95.

JO
Why do you hate them so much?

Sam stops and turns around.

SAM
They beat up on a weakling, and
that's all they did. The rest is
just smokefilled coffee-house crap.
They tortured and tormented a
weaker kid. They didn't like him.
And they killed him. And why?
Because he couldn't run very fast.

A long silence. KAFFEE makes a decision.

KAFFEE
Alright. Everybody take the night
off.

SAM
(continuing)
I apologize, I, --

KAFFEE
It's alright. We've been working 20
hour days for three and a half
weeks straight. Take the night off.
Go see your wife, see your
daughter. Jo, do whatever it is you
do when you're not here. What day
is tomorrow?

SAM
Saturday.

KAFFEE
We'll start at ten.

KAFFEE picks up his stuff and walks out.

SAM and JO stand there uncomfortably for a moment. JO begins
packing up her things.

SAM
Why do you like them so much?

JO
(pause)
'Cause they stand on a wall.
(beat)
And they say "Nothing's gonna hurt
you tonight. Not on my watch."
96.

Despite their differences, SAM likes this woman.

SAM
Don't worry about the doctor. This
trial starts Monday.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Serious, Confrontational, Emotional

Summary Commander Stone testifies that Willy Santiago died from poisoning, caused by lactic acidosis from an ingested poison. Ross objects to Stone's testimony but is overruled. Stone maintains that Santiago had no coronary condition. After Stone's testimony, the government rests its case.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
High stakes
Emotional impact
Conflict-driven narrative

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Lack of character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene provides a lot of detailed medical information that may be overwhelming for the audience and may not be necessary for the plot progression.
There is a lack of clear conflict or tension in the scene, making it feel more like an information dump rather than a compelling courtroom drama moment.
The objections and legal procedures discussed in the scene could be simplified or made more engaging for the audience.
The dialogue between the characters feels a bit stiff and overly formal, lacking in natural flow and emotion.
The scene could benefit from more dynamic interactions between the characters to keep the audience engaged.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider simplifying the medical explanations to make them more accessible to the audience without losing the necessary information.
Introduce more conflict or tension in the scene to make it more engaging, perhaps by adding personal stakes for the characters involved.
Work on making the objections and legal procedures more concise and clear for the audience to follow easily.
Focus on adding more emotional depth and natural dialogue to the interactions between the characters to make the scene more relatable and compelling.
Explore ways to make the scene more dynamic, perhaps by incorporating movement or gestures to enhance the visual aspect of the courtroom setting.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

A baseball game is on.

KAFFEE's pacing slowly around, carrying his baseball bat.
He's looking at the blackboard as he walks around the room.

He's studying it. Studying it hard. There's a knock on the
door. KAFFEE answers it. JO is standing in the doorway.

JO
I'm sorry to bother you, I
should've called first.

KAFFEE
No, I was just watching a baseball
game.

JO
I was wondering if -- how you'd
feel about my taking you to dinner
tonight.

KAFFEE
Jo, are you asking me out on a
date?

JO
No.

KAFFEE
It sounded like you were asking me
out on a date.

JO
I wasn't.

KAFFEE
I've been asked out on dates
before, and that's what it sounded
like.
97.

JO
Do you like seafood? I know a good
seafood place.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal
Tone: Tense, Serious, Sarcastic

Summary In his apartment, Kaffee misinterprets Jo's dinner invitation as a date, causing an awkward exchange. Despite her denial, he agrees to join her for dinner, leaving the situation unresolved.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Character development
Balanced tone

Weaknesses

Minimal conflict
Limited plot progression

General Critique

The scene lacks depth and substance, as it primarily consists of a brief conversation between KAFFEE and JO without much development or progression.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks natural flow, especially in the exchange between KAFFEE and JO about going to dinner.
There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the characters' emotions and motivations, as the scene feels superficial and lacks emotional depth.
The pacing of the scene is slow and does not engage the audience, leading to a lack of tension or intrigue.
The scene could benefit from more visual elements or actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more dynamic atmosphere.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more layers to the conversation between KAFFEE and JO by exploring their underlying emotions and conflicts.
Consider incorporating subtext and subtle cues to convey the characters' true feelings and intentions, adding depth to the scene.
Introduce more dynamic elements such as internal monologues, flashbacks, or visual metaphors to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
Focus on building tension and suspense throughout the scene to keep the audience invested in the characters and their journey.
Consider revising the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities, motivations, and relationships.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. A SEAFOOD RESTAURANT - NIGHT

On the Virginia side of the Potomac. KAFFEE and JO are
sitting at a table, finishing up dinner.

JO
My third case was a Drunk and
Disorderly. The trial lasted nine
weeks. I rounded up 31 people who
were in the bar that night.

KAFFEE
Nine weeks on a D and D? What was
the prosecutor offering?

JO
days.

KAFFEE
(pause)
Well, you sure hustled the shit
outta him.

JO
After that, they moved me to
internal affairs.

KAFFEE
Tough to blame them.

JO
Where I've earned two distinguished
service medals and two letters of
commendation.

KAFFEE
Why are you always giving me your
resume?

JO
Because I want you to think I'm
good lawyer.

KAFFEE
I do.
98.

JO
No you don't.
(beat)
I think you're an exceptional
lawyer. I watch the jurors, they
respond to you, they like you. I
see you convincing them. I think
Dawson and Downey are gonna end up
owing their lives to you.

KAFFEE
(pause)
Jo... I think you have to prepare
yourself for the fact that we're
gonna lose.
(beat)
Ross's opening speech, it was all
true.
(beat)
I mean, let's pretend for a minute
that it would actually matter to
this jury that the guys were given
an order. We can't prove it ever
happened.
(beat)
We'll keep doing what we're doing,
and we'll put on a show, but at the
end of the day, all we have is the
testimony of two people accused of
murder.

JO
We'll find Markinson.

KAFFEE
Jo, we're gonna lose. And we're
gonna lose huge.

We HOLD on then for a moment, and in VOICE OVER hear

HOWARD (V.O.)
Corporal Jeffrey Owen Howard,
Marine Barracks Windward,
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

CUT TO:

CORPORAL HOWARD, the young marine who drove the lawyers
around Cuba, is on the stand.

KAFFEE
Corporal Howard, name some reasons
why a marine would get a code red?
99.

HOWARD
Being late for platoon or company
meetings, keeping his barracks in
disorder, falling back on a run...

KAFFEE
Have you ever received a code red?

HOWARD
Yes sir. We were doing seven man
assault drills, and my weapon
slipped. It's just cause it was
over a hundred degrees and my palms
were sweaty and I'd forgot to use
the resin like we were taught.

KAFFEE
And what happened?

HOWARD
That night the guys in my squad
threw a blanket over me and took
turns punching me in the arm for
five minutes. Then they poured glue
on my hands. And it worked, too,
'cause I ain't never dropped my
weapon since.

KAFFEE
Was Private Santiago ever late for
platoon meetings?

HOWARD
Yes sir.

KAFFEE
Was his barracks ever in disorder?

HOWARD
Yes sir.

KAFFEE
Did he ever fall back on a run?

HOWARD
All the time, sir.

KAFFEE
Did he ever, prior to the night of
August 6th, receive a code red?

HOWARD
No sir.
100.

KAFFEE
(beat)
Never?

HOWARD
No, sir.

KAFFEE
You got a code red 'cause your
palms were sweaty. Why didn't
Santiago, this burden to his unit,
ever get one?

HOWARD
Dawson wouldn't allow it, sir.

KAFFEE
Dawson wouldn't allow it.

HOWARD
The guys talked tough about
Santiago, but they wouldn't go near
him. They were too afraid of
Dawson, sir.

ROSS
Object. The witness is
characterizing.

KAFFEE
I'll rephrase. Jeffrey, did you
ever want to give Santiago a code
red?

HOWARD
Yes sir.

KAFFEE
Why didn't you?

HOWARD
'Cause Dawson'd kick my butt, sir.

KAFFEE
Good enough. Lt. Ross is gonna ask
you some questions now.

ROSS takes three books out of his briefcase and puts them on
the table. He brings one to HOWARD.
101.

ROSS
Corporal Howard, I hold here The
Marine Guide and General
Information Handbook for New
Recruits. Are you familiar with
this book?

HOWARD
Yes sir.

ROSS
Have you read it?

HOWARD
Yes sir.

ROSS
Good.
(hands him the book)
Would you turn to the chapter that
deals with code reds, please.

HOWARD
Sir?

ROSS
Just flip to the page in that book
that discusses code reds.

HOWARD
Sir, you see, Code Red is a term we
use -- it's just used down at
GITMO, sir. I don't know if it
actually --

ROSS has produced another book.

ROSS
We're in luck, then. The Marine
Corps Guide for Sentry Duty, NAVY
BASE Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. I assume
we'll find the term code red and
its definition in this book, am I
correct?

HOWARD
No sir.
102.

ROSS
No? Corporal Howard, I'm a marine.
Is their no book, no manual or
pamphlet, no set of orders or
regulations that let me know that,
as a marine, one of my duties is to
perform code reds?

HOWARD
(pause)
No sir. No books, sir.

ROSS
No further questions.

ROSS sits. KAFFEE walks over to ROSS's table and picks up
one of the books. He brings it to HOWARD.

KAFFEE
Corporal, would you turn to the
page in this book that says where
the enlisted men's mess hall is?

HOWARD
Lt. Kaffee, that's not in the book,
sir.

KAFFEE
I don't understand, how did you
know where the enlisted men's mess
hall was if it's not in this book?

HOWARD
I guess I just followed the crowd
at chow time, sir.

KAFFEE
No more questions.

KAFFEE chucks the book back on ROSS's desk.

RANDOLPH
Corporal Howard, you can step down.

HOWARD
(greatly relieved)
Thank you, sir.

KAFFEE gives HOWARD a subtle "You Did Good, Kid" look, and
we

CUT TO:
103.

Genres: Legal Drama, Military Drama
Tone: Serious, Intense, Emotional, Confrontational

Summary After dinner, Kaffee and Jo discuss the case and her previous work. They are interrupted by the testimony of Corporal Howard, who reveals that code reds were not an official punishment and that Dawson prevented them from being given to Santiago. Ross tries to discredit Howard, but Kaffee shows that the Marine Corps Guidebook is incomplete. The scene ends with Howard stepping down from the stand, leaving Kaffee and Jo to contemplate the implications.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Tension-filled atmosphere
Complex characters
High stakes

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Lack of visual cues in the courtroom setting

General Critique

The dialogue between Kaffee and Jo feels a bit forced and lacks natural flow. It comes across as too formal and scripted, which can make it less engaging for the audience.
The scene lacks visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue-heavy interaction between Kaffee and Jo. Adding some visual cues or movements could enhance the scene's dynamics.
The conflict between Kaffee and Jo about their differing perspectives on the case could be more subtly portrayed. The tension feels a bit too overt and could benefit from a more nuanced approach.
The transition from Kaffee and Jo's personal conversation to the courtroom scene with Corporal Howard feels abrupt and disjointed. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's coherence.
The courtroom dialogue with Corporal Howard is engaging and adds depth to the narrative. However, the back-and-forth questioning between Kaffee and Ross could be more dynamic to increase the scene's intensity.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext and subplots to Kaffee and Jo's conversation to make it more layered and intriguing.
Introduce subtle gestures or movements to break up the dialogue and add visual interest to the scene.
Explore different ways to convey the conflict between Kaffee and Jo without relying solely on verbal exchanges.
Smooth out the transition between the personal conversation and the courtroom scene to maintain the scene's continuity.
Enhance the courtroom dialogue by increasing the tension and stakes in the interaction between Kaffee, Ross, and Corporal Howard.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE COURTHOUSE CORRIDOR - DUSK

It's the end of the day's session. KAFFEE walks down the
hall with SAM and JO.

KAFFEE
Seven tonight, we'll do a final
Kendrick review. I want to slam-
dunk this guy.

CUT TO:

EXT. SIDEWALK STAND - NIGHT

KAFFEE'S CAR
as it drives along a street in the
D.C. business district. it's
evening now and the windshield
wipers are fighting

against a rain KAFFEE pulls over at his usual newsstand. He
hops out, leaving the lights flashing and the door open, and
runs to the stand.

KAFFEE
Hey, Luther.

LUTHER
Admiral, how's the big case goin'?

KAFFEE
Nose to the grindstone.

LUTHER
No flies on you.

KAFFEE
A rolling stone gathers no moss.

LUTHER
Yeah, well it ain't over til the
fat lady sings.

KAFFEE
Ain't that the truth. Catch you
tomorrow.

He gets back in his car, tosses the newspaper on the
passenger seat, and turns on the ignition. And as soon as he
does

-- a hand is slapped over his mouth --
104.

VOICE (O.S.)
It's Matthew Markinson.

-- and KAFFEE jumps out of his skin.

Because sitting in the back seat, in civilian clothes, is

MARKINSON.

KAFFEE
Jesus fucking Christ!!--

MARKINSON
You left the door unlocked.

KAFFEE
Scared the shit outta me.

MARKINSON
Drive.

KAFFEE
Are you aware you're under
subpoena?

MARKINSON
Yes. I'm also aware that the lives
of two marines are in your hands.
If there was something I could do
about that, I would, but since I
can't, all I can do is help you.
Why don't you drive, Lieutenant.

KAFFEE begins driving down the street.

KAFFEE
What do you know?

MARKINSON
I know everything.

KAFFEE
Was it a code red?

MARKINSON
Yes.

KAFFEE
Did Kendrick give the order?

MARKINSON
Yes.
105.

KAFFEE
Did you witness it?

MARKINSON
I didn't need to --

KAFFEE
Did you witness it?!

MARKINSON
No.

KAFFEE
Then how do you know?

MARKINSON
I know.

KAFFEE
You know shit.

MARKINSON
He was never gonna be transferred
off the base.

And with this, KAFFEE screeches the car over to the side of
the road. He grabs the parking brake and pulls it up. He
turns to Markinson.

MARKINSON
(continuing)
Jessep was going to keep him on the
base. He said he wanted him
trained.

KAFFEE
We've got the transfer order. It's
got your signature.

MARKINSON
I know. I signed it the morning you
arrived in Cuba. Six days after
Santiago died.

KAFFEE's wheels are spinning. He's pumped.

KAFFEE
I'm gonna get you a deal. Some kind
of immunity with the prosecutor. In
about four days, you're gonna
appear as a witness for the
defense, and you're gonna tell the
court exactly what you told me.
106.

Right now I'm gonna check you into
a motel, and we're gonna start from
the beginning.

MARKINSON
I don't want a deal. And I don't
want immunity.

KAFFEE shakes his head and laughs.

MARKINSON
(continuing)
I want you to know, I'm proud
neither of what I've done nor what
I'm doing.

KAFFEE puts the car in gear and we

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational

Summary Kaffee, startled to find Markinson in his car, learns that Markinson has crucial information about Kendrick's case. Despite initial reluctance, Markinson agrees to assist Kaffee in exchange for a deal, setting up a tense and suspenseful dynamic.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revealing crucial information
Building suspense

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
The dialogue between Kaffee and Markinson feels rushed and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to build tension and suspense.
The interaction between Kaffee and Markinson could benefit from more emotional depth and character development to make the scene more engaging.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the atmosphere and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
The pacing of the scene feels rushed, with important revelations and confrontations happening too quickly without allowing for proper buildup and tension.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to create a more seamless flow of events.
Expand on the dialogue between Kaffee and Markinson to delve deeper into their motivations and emotions, adding layers to their characters.
Introduce more visual elements and actions to enhance the scene and create a more vivid and engaging visual experience for the audience.
Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for proper buildup of tension and suspense, giving the audience time to process the important revelations and confrontations.
Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the interaction between Kaffee and Markinson to add complexity and depth to their relationship and the overall scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Where KAFFEE has just finished telling his story to an
amazed SAM and JO.

There's silence.

Then JO has a total adrenaline rush.

JO
Where is he?

KAFFEE
The Route 23 Best Western.

JO picks up the phone.

JO
I want him guarded.

KAFFEE
That's probably a good idea.

JO
(into phone)
This is Lt. Commander Joanne
Galloway. My clearance code is
411273.

KAFFEE is impressed. He turns to SAM --

KAFFEE
Clearance code?
107.

JO
Thank you.

KAFFEE
(to SAM)
I don't have a clearance code. Do
you have a --

JO
(into phone)
It's Jo Galloway. I need to secure
a witness.

Jo continues giving information to the person on the phone,
while Kaffee keeps talking to the both of them. Sam is
writing down notes as fast as he can.

KAFFEE
He also said that Jessep's lying
about the transportation off the
base. Jessep said six the next
morning was the first flight
Santiago could've left on,
Markinson says there was a plane
that left seven hours earlier.

JO hangs up the phone.

JO
Damn.

KAFFEE
That was impressive. Did you hear
what I just said about the flight?

JO
Yes.

KAFFEE
Sam, when a plane takes off from a
base, there's gotta be some kind of
record kept, right?

SAM
We need the Tower Chief's Log for

GITMO.

KAFFEE
(to SAM)
Get it.

JO
We're gonna win.
108.

KAFFEE
Jo, don't get crazy about this. We
don't know who Markinson is. We
don't know what the log book's
gonna say. You just concentrate on
Downey. I'm gonna talk to Ross and
tell him where we are.

JO
(sing-song)
"Kaffee's got his case now,
Kaffee's got his case now."

KAFFEE
You are like seven of the strangest
women I have ever met.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Determined, Inquisitive

Summary Kaffee informs Jo and Sam about a crucial witness and plans to obtain the Tower Chief's Log from GITMO. Jo ensures witness protection while Kaffee and Sam discuss Jessep's story discrepancies, showing their determination to build a strong case.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
High stakes
Intriguing plot development

Weaknesses

Limited character development
Potential lack of emotional depth in some interactions

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose. It jumps from one topic to another without a cohesive thread to tie them together.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially the banter between the characters.
There is a lack of depth in character development and emotional connection, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the scene.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and actions to create a more immersive and dynamic setting.
The transition between the characters' interactions and the phone call with Jo could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on establishing a clear objective or goal for the characters in the scene to drive the narrative forward.
Work on refining the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of each character's personality and motivations.
Develop the relationships between the characters to create more depth and emotional resonance in their interactions.
Add more visual elements and actions to enhance the setting and create a more vivid scene for the audience.
Consider restructuring the scene to improve the flow and coherence of the conversation, ensuring a seamless transition between different topics.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. A WASHINGTON SALOON - NIGHT

A WAITRESS sets two drinks down in front of KAFFEE and ROSS,
who are sitting across from each other in a booth in the
back.

ROSS
That was nice work today. The
redirect on Howard.

KAFFEE
I have Markinson.

ROSS only takes a moment digest this.

ROSS
Where is he?

KAFFEE
A motel room in Arlington with 14
Federal Marshals outside his door.
Take a sip of your drink.

ROSS
Damn.

KAFFEE
The transfer order that Parkinson
signed is phoney. And Jessep's
statement that the six a.m. flight
was the first available is a lie,
we're checking the tower chief's
log.
109.

But in the meantime I'm gonna put
the Apostle Jon Kendrick on the
stand and see if we can't have a
little fun.

ROSS takes another sip of his drink, then lays it on the
line for Kaffee..

ROSS
I have an obligation to tell you
that if you accuse Kendrick or
Jessep of any crime without proper
evidence, you'll be subject to
Court-Martial for professional
misconduct. And that's something
that'll be stapled to every job
application you ever fill out.
Markinson's not gonna hold up, he's
a crazy man. I'm not saying this to
intimidate you. I'm being your
lawyer.

KAFFEE
Thanks, Jack. And I wanna tell you
that I think the whole fuckin'
bunch of you are certifiably
insane. And this code of honor of
yours makes me wanna beat the shit
outta something.

ROSS
Don't you dare lump me in with
Jessep and Markinson and Kendrick
because we wear the same uniform.
I'm your friend, Danny, and I'm
telling you, I don't think your
clients belong in jail. But I don't
get to make that decision. I
represent the Government of the
United States. Without passion or
prejudice. And my client has a
case.
(pause)
I want you to acknowledge that the
judge advocate has made you aware
of the possible consequences
involved in accusing a marine
officer of a felony without proper
evidence.

KAFFEE
I've been so advised.

ROSS stands up and heaves a few dollars on the table.
110.

ROSS
You got bullied into that
courtroom, Danny. By everyone. By
Dawson, by Galloway, shit, I
practically dared you. Not for a
second have you believed you could
win. You got bullied into that room
by the memory of a dead lawyer.

KAFFEE
(pause)
You're a lousy softball player,
Jack.

ROSS
Your boys are going down. I can't
stop it anymore.

CUT TO:

INT. COURTHOUSE CORRIDOR - DAY

People are filing in. KENDRICK is standing at the entrance
to the courtroom. KAFFEE glides past him...

KAFFEE
Batter up, J.J.

KENDRICK watches this impudent thing walk into the courtroom
as we

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Military Drama
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Serious

Summary Kaffee and Ross engage in a tense discussion about their strategy in the Markinson and Jessep case. Ross cautions Kaffee about the risks of accusing high-ranking military officers without substantial evidence, but Kaffee remains determined to pursue the case despite the potential consequences.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Complex character dynamics
High stakes

Weaknesses

Some repetitive elements in the dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with dialogue that feels disjointed and lacks focus on the main conflict of the story.
The conversation between Kaffee and Ross feels forced and unnatural, with dialogue that does not flow smoothly or engage the audience.
There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in the scene, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.
The scene fails to build tension or create a sense of urgency, which is crucial in a courtroom drama.
The dialogue feels repetitive and does not add new information or insights into the characters or the plot.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a clear objective for the scene that advances the main plot and reveals important information or conflicts.
Streamline the dialogue to make it more engaging and purposeful, with each line contributing to the overall narrative.
Add emotional depth to the characters by exploring their motivations, fears, and desires in a more nuanced way.
Build tension and suspense by introducing high stakes and escalating conflicts that keep the audience invested in the outcome.
Consider revising the dialogue to be more dynamic and impactful, with each character's voice distinct and compelling.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE COURTROOM - DAY

KENDRICK's on the stand. What drives Kaffee's entire
examination of Kendrick is this: Kaffee's got him. He's
gonna win. At least this round. All he has to do is not let
his emotions take control of his professional skill.

SAM will have files and documents ready to hand Kaffee as he
needs them.

KAFFEE
Lt. Kendrick, in your opinion, was
Private Santiago a good marine?

KENDRICK
I'd say he was about average.

KAFFEE
Lieutenant, you signed three
fitness reports on Santiago.
111.

On all three reports you indicated
a rating of Below Average.

KENDRICK
Yes. Private Santiago was Below
Average I didn't see the need in
trampling on a man's grave.

KAFFEE
We appreciate that, but you're
under oath now, and I think
unpleasant as it may be, we'd all
just as soon hear the truth.

KENDRICK
I'm aware of my oath.

KAFFEE's handed some more files.

KAFFEE
Lieutenant, these are the last
three fitness reports you signed
for Lance Corporal Dawson and PFC
Downey. Downey received three
straight marks of Exceptional.
Dawson received two marks of
Exceptional, but on this most
recent report, dated June 9th of
this year, he received a rating of
Below Average. It's this last
report that I'd like to discuss for
a moment.

KENDRICK
That's fine.

KAFFEE
Lance Corporal Dawson's ranking
after Infantry Training School was
perfect. Records indicate that over
half that class has since been
promoted to full corporal, while
Dawson has remained a lance
corporal. Was Dawson's promotion
held up because of this last
fitness report.

KENDRICK
I'm sure it was.

KAFFEE
Do you recall why Dawson was given
such a poor grade on this report?
112.

KENDRICK
I'm sure I don't. I have many men
in my charge, Lieutenant, I write
many fitness reports.

KAFFEE
Do you recall an incident involving
a PFC Curtis Barnes who'd been
found stealing liquor from the
Officer's Club?

KENDRICK
Yes.

KAFFEE
Did you report private Barnes to
the proper authorities?

KENDRICK
I have two books at my bedside,
Lieutenant, the Marine Code of
Conduct and the King James Bible.
The only proper authorities I'm
aware of are my Commanding Officer,
Colonel Nathan R. Jessep and the
Lord our God.

KAFFEE
Lt. Kendrick, at your request, I
can have the record reflect your
lack of acknowledgment of this
court as a proper authority.

ROSS
Objection. Argumentative.

RANDOLPH
Sustained.
(to KAFFEE)
Watch yourself, counselor.

KAFFEE
Did you report Private Barnes to
your superiors?

KENDRICK
I remember thinking very highly of
Private Barnes, and not wanting to
see his record tarnished by a
formal charge.

KAFFEE
You preferred it to be handled
within the unit.
113.

KENDRICK
I most certainly did.

KAFFEE
Lieutenant, do you know what a Code
Red is?

KENDRICK
Yes I do.

KAFFEE
Have you ever ordered a code red?

KENDRICK
No, I have not.

KAFFEE
Lieutenant, did you order Dawson
and two other men to make sure that
Private Barnes receive no food or
drink except water for a period of
seven days?

KENDRICK
That's a distortion of the truth.
Private Barnes was placed on
barracks restriction. He was given
water and vitamin supplements, and
I assure you that at no time was
his health in danger.

KAFFEE
I'm sure it was lovely for Private
Barnes, but you did order the
barracks restriction, didn't you?
And you did order the denial of
food.

KENDRICK
Yes.

KAFFEE
Wouldn't this form of discipline be
considered a code red?

KENDRICK
(beat)
Not necessarily.

KAFFEE
If I called the other 8000 men at
Guantanamo Bay to testify, would
they consider it a Code Red?
114.

ROSS
Please the court, the witness can't
possibly testify as to what 8000
other men would say. We object to
this entire line of questioning as
argumentative and irrelevant
badgering of the witness.

RANDOLPH
The Government's objection is
sustained, Lt. Kaffee, and I would
remind you that you're now
questioning marine officer with an
impeccable service record.

ROSS
Thank you judge.

KAFFEE looks over at DAWSON. They share a brief moment
before KAFFEE turns back to KENDRICK.

KAFFEE
Lieutenant, was Dawson given a
rating of Below Average on this
last fitness report because you
learned held been sneaking food to
Private Barnes?
(to ROSS)
Not so fast.
(to KENDRICK)
Lieutenant?

KENDRICK
Corporal Dawson was found to be
Below Average because he committed
a crime.

KAFFEE
What crime did he commit?
(beat)
Lieutenant Kendrick?
(beat)
Dawson brought a hungry guy some
food. What crime did he commit?

KENDRICK
He disobeyed an order.
115.

KAFFEE
And because he did, because he
exercised his own set of values,
because he made a decision about
the welfare of a marine that was in
conflict with an order of yours, he
was punished, is that right?

KENDRICK
Corporal Dawson disobeyed an order.

KAFFEE
Yeah, but it wasn't a order, was
it? After all, it's peacetime. He
wasn't being asked to secure a
hill... or advance on a beachhead.
I mean, surely a marine of Dawson's
intelligence can be trusted to
determine on his own, which are the
really important orders, and which
orders might, say, be morally
questionable.
(beat)
Lt. Kendrick?
(beat)
Can he? Can Corporal Dawson
determine on his own which orders
he's gonna follow?
(pause)

KENDRICK
No, he can not.

KAFFEE
A lesson he learned after the
Curtis Barnes incident, am I right?

KENDRICK
I would think so.

KAFFEE
You know so, don't you, Lieutenant.

ROSS
Object!

RANDOLPH
Sustained.

KAFFEE
Lieutenant Kendrick, one final
question: if you ordered Dawson to
give Santiago a code red...
116.

ROSS
-- please the court --

KENDRICK
I told those men not to touch
Santiago.

KAFFEE
-- is it reasonable to think that
he would've disobeyed you again?

ROSS
Lieutenant, don't answer that.

KAFFEE
You don't have to, I'm through.

ROSS doesn't even wait before he says --

ROSS
Lieutenant Kendrick, did you order
Corporal Dawson and Private Downey
to give Willy Santiaga code red?

But KENDRICK isn't listening -- he's glaring at Kaffee.

ROSS
(continuing)
Lt. Kendrick, did you --

KENDRICK
No I did not.

ROSS
Thank you.

CUT TO:

FWAP! - a nerf ball slams into a hoop.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Genres: Legal Drama, Military Drama
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Dramatic

Summary In court, Kaffee cross-examines Kendrick, revealing the negative fitness report he gave Dawson after Dawson disobeyed Kendrick's order to punish Barnes. Kaffee suggests this was retaliation. Kendrick denies this but appears defensive. Despite Ross's objection, the judge allows Kaffee's questioning. Kaffee ends by asking about Kendrick ordering a code red for Santiago, but Kendrick doesn't answer.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Complex moral dilemmas
High-stakes tension

Weaknesses

Some repetitive questioning
Limited physical action

General Critique

The scene is well-written and engaging, with a strong focus on the examination of Lt. Kendrick by Kaffee.
There is a good balance of dialogue and action, keeping the scene dynamic and interesting.
The use of files and documents being handed to Kaffee adds a layer of realism and detail to the scene.
The conflict between Kaffee and Kendrick is effectively portrayed, with Kaffee trying to uncover the truth while Kendrick remains evasive.
The tension and drama in the courtroom are well-captured, creating a sense of anticipation and intrigue.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene.
Explore deeper into the emotional motivations of the characters, especially Kaffee and Kendrick, to add more depth to their interactions.
Provide more context or background information to help the audience understand the significance of the fitness reports and the Code Red.
Consider incorporating more subtext or subtle cues to convey the characters' thoughts and feelings without explicitly stating them.
Work on tightening the dialogue to make it more impactful and concise, focusing on the key points of the examination.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

JO and KAFFEE. KAFFEE's pumped and shooting baskets as Sam
walks in with some bound papers under his arm.

KAFFEE
What's the word?

SAM
This is the tower chief's log for
that night.
117.

Jessep was telling the truth. The
six a.m. flight was the first plane
out.

KAFFEE lets the ball drop out of his hands.

KAFFEE
Let me see that.

CUT TO:

EXT. A MOTEL - NIGHT

A SEDAN, with U.S. MARSHALL stenciled on the door, sits in
front of one of the rooms, and the two FEDERAL AGENTS inside
the car are reading the newspaper as KAFFEE'S CAR pulls next
to them and KAFFEE jumps out.

AGENT #1 sticks his head out the window and calls to KAFFEE -
-

AGENT #1
Workin' late, lieutenant?

KAFFEE pays no attention and bangs on MARKINSON's door. The
door opens and KAFFEE walks into

INT. MOTEL ROOM

HE tosses the log book on the table.

KAFFEE
There was no flight out at eleven
o'clock. What the fuck are you
trying to pull?

MARKINSON
The first flight stateside left
Guantanamo Bay at eleven and
arrived at Andrews Airforce Base,
Maryland, at a few minutes past
two.

KAFFEE
Then why the hell isn't it listed
in the Tower Chief's log?!

MARKINSON
Why the hell did you think it would
be?!!

KAFFEE is silent. And now it begins to sink in.
118.

KAFFEE
What are you telling me?
(beat)
He fixed the log book?

Setback. Big setback.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Well, maybe he can make it so a
plane didn't take off, but I can
sure as hall prove that one landed.
I'll get the log book from Andrews.

MARKINSON says nothing. But his face says that KAFFEE was
born yesterday.

KAFFEE
(continuing; beat)
He made an entire flight disappear?

MARKINSON
Nathan Jessep is about to be named
Director of Operations for the
National Security Council. You
don't get to that position without
knowing how to side-step a few land
mines.
(beat)
And putting me on the stand isn't
gonna make him step on one.

KAFFEE stares at him.

Then shakes his head, sighs, and picks the log book up off
the table, and heads for the door.

KAFFEE
You're taking the stand. Thursday.

KAFFEE leaves.

HOLD on MARKINSON.

CUT TO:

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT

KAFFEE'S APARTMENT later that night and SAM and J0 have just
heard the report him.
119.

KAFFEE
There's gotta be someone who can
testify to the flight. A ground
crew member. Someone.

SAM
Do you have any idea how many
planes take off and land every day?
A kid from the ground crew isn't
gonna remember a flight that landed
four weeks ago.

KAFFEE
Forget the flight. We'll put
Markinson on the stand and we'll
deal with Jessep's refusal to
transfer Santiago and he'll testify
to the forged transfer order.
That'll be enough. That and
Downey's testimony really oughta be
enough.

CUT TO:

INT. THE HOLDING ROOM - DAY

Jo is working with DOWNEY. He sits on a mock witness stand.

JO
Private Downey, why did you go into
Santiago's room on the night of the

DOWNEY
To give Private Santiago a Code
Red, ma'am.

JO
And why did you give him a Code
Red?

DOWNEY
I was ordered to give him a Code
Red by the Executive officer for
Rifle Security Company Windward,
Lieutenent Jonathan James Kendrick.

JO smiles.

JO
You're gonna do fine.

DOWNEY smiles.
120.

DOWNEY
You think they'll let us go back to
our platoon soon, ma'am?

JO
(pause)
Absolutely.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Serious

Summary Kaffee confronts Markinson about the discrepancies in the tower chief's log, leading to the revelation that Jessep orchestrated the disappearance of an entire flight to cover up his actions.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Plot advancement
Revelation of crucial evidence

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some dialogue could be more nuanced

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from Kaffee shooting baskets to him confronting Markinson at a motel, which can be disorienting for the audience.
There is a lack of emotional depth in the interaction between Kaffee and Markinson, considering the gravity of the situation and the revelations being made.
The dialogue between Kaffee and Markinson feels rushed and lacks the necessary tension and suspense for such a pivotal moment in the story.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the atmosphere and engage the audience.
The resolution of the scene, with Kaffee deciding to put Markinson on the stand, feels somewhat anticlimactic and could be more impactful.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between Kaffee shooting baskets and confronting Markinson to improve the flow of the scene.
Focus on building the tension and emotional intensity in the interaction between Kaffee and Markinson to make the revelations more impactful.
Revise the dialogue to make it more dynamic and engaging, with a stronger emphasis on the conflict between the characters.
Include more visual elements and actions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
Consider reworking the resolution of the scene to make Kaffee's decision to put Markinson on the stand more climactic and significant.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE COURTHOUSE CORRIDOR - DAY

Jo is going over last-minute details with KAFFEE.

JO
You remember the order of the
questions?

KAFFEE
Yes.

JO
Are you sure?

KAFFEE
Yes.

JO
And you'll use small words?

KAFFEE
Yes.

JO
He gets rattled when he doesn't
understand something.

KAFFEE
Jo --

JO
I'm just saying go slow.

KAFFEE
I'm gonna go slow.

JO
Okay.

KAFFEE
Alright.

JO
And get him off as fast as you can.
121.

KAFFEE
Joanne!

JO
What?

KAFFEE
He's gonna be fine.

They turn and head into the courtroom as we HEAR MARKINSON
in VOICE OVER...

MARKINSON (V.O.)
"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Santiago..."

CUT TO:

INT. MARKINSON'S ROOM - DAY

MARKINSON is writing a letter and we HEAR it in V.O.

MARKINSON (V.O.)
I was William's company commander.
I knew your son vaguely, which is
to say I knew his name...

And while we continue to HEAR Markinson's voice writing the
letter, we begin a SERIES OF SHOTS: MARKINSON is getting
into his class A dress uniform, complete with medals, side
arm, and military dress sabre.

MARKINSON (V.O.)
In a matter of time, the trial of
the two man charged with your son's
death will be concluded, and seven
men and two women whom you've never
met will try to offer you an
explanation as to why William is
dead. For my part, I've done as
much as I can to bring the truth to
light.

MARKINSON is finished dressing. He stands in the middle of
the motel room.

MARKINSON (V.O.)
(continuing)
And the truth is this: your son is
dead for only one reason. I wasn't
strong enough to stop it.

MARKINSON takes a pistol out of his holster and cocks the
trigger.
122.

MARKINSON (V.O.)
Always, Captain Matthew Andrew
Markinson.

MARKINSON puts the pistol in his mouth --

MARKINSON (V.O.)
United states marine corps.

We HEAR the BLAST of the gunshot as we

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama, Legal, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional

Summary As Jo and Kaffee prepare for cross-examination, Markinson grapples with turmoil. Writing a letter and donning his uniform, he succumbs to despair and commits suicide, leaving behind a profound sense of loss and sorrow.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Tension-building
Character development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be repetitive
Slightly predictable plot twists

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition between Jo and Kaffee discussing the case details and Markinson's actions in his room, which can be confusing for the audience.
The dialogue between Jo and Kaffee feels a bit repetitive and could be more concise to keep the scene moving at a good pace.
The emotional impact of Markinson's actions and the revelation in his letter could be heightened with more visual cues or reactions from the characters.
The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling to convey the intensity and gravity of Markinson's decision to commit suicide.
The pacing of the scene could be improved by tightening the dialogue and focusing on the most crucial aspects of the interaction between Jo, Kaffee, and Markinson.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a clearer transition between the conversation between Jo and Kaffee and Markinson's actions to improve the flow of the scene.
Try to streamline the dialogue between Jo and Kaffee to make it more impactful and concise.
Enhance the emotional impact of Markinson's actions by incorporating more visual cues or reactions from the characters in the scene.
Explore ways to visually emphasize the gravity of Markinson's decision to commit suicide, such as through lighting, camera angles, or sound design.
Work on pacing by focusing on the most essential elements of the scene and tightening the dialogue to maintain audience engagement.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. THE COURTROOM - DAY

Kaffee is at the end of his examination of Downey.

KAFFEE
Private, I want you to tell us one
last time: Why did you go into
Private Santiago's room on the
night of August

DOWNEY
A code red was ordered by my
platoon commander, Lt. Jonathan
James Kendrick.

KAFFEE
Thank you.
(to ROSS)
Your witness.

ROSS
Private, for the week of 2 August,
the switch log has you down at Post
is that correct?

DOWNEY
I'm sure it is, sir, they keep that
log pretty good.

ROSS
How far is it from Post 39 to the
Windward barracks?

DOWNEY
It's a ways, sir, it's a hike.

ROSS
About how far by jeep?

DOWNEY
About ten, fifteen minutes, sir.
123.

ROSS
Have you ever had to walk it?

DOWNEY
Yes sir. That day, sir. Friday. The
Pick-up Private -- sir, that's what
we call the fella who drops us at
our posts and picks us up... also,
'cause he can get girls in New York
City -- the Pick-up Private got a
flat...

At the defense table, KAFFEE, poker-faced, scribbles
something down on a piece of paper and slides it to JO. JO
looks at it:

"Where's he going with this?" JO scribbles "?" And hands it
back to KAFFEE.

DOWNEY
(continuing)
...Right at 39. He pulled up and
blam! ...A blowout-with no spare.
The two of us had to double-time it
back to the barracks.

ROSS
And if it's ten or fifteen minutes
by jeep, I'm guessing it must be a
good hour by foot, am I right?

DOWNEY
Pick-up and me did it in 45 flat,
sir.

ROSS
Not bad. Now you say your assault
on Private Santiago was the result
of an order that Lt. Kendrick gave
in your barracks room at 16:20.

KAFFEE knows what's coming. There's nothing he can do about
it. And he can't lose his cool in front of the jury.

DOWNEY
Yes sir.

JO. Helpless. Panicked.

ROSS
But you just said that you didn't
make it back to Windward Barracks
until 16:45.
124.

DOWNEY's confused. These are questions he hasn't been asked
before.

DOWNEY
Sir?

ROSS
If you didn't make it back to your
barracks until 16:45, then how
could you be in your room at 16:20?

DOWNEY
(pause)
You see sir, there was a flat tire.

ROSS
Private, did you ever actually hear
Lt. Kendrick order a Code Red?

KAFFEE's world is falling down around him, and there's
nothing he can do about it. And he knows it.

DOWNEY
(pause)
No, sir.

Jo leaps to her feet.

JO
Please the court, I'd like to
request a recess in order to confer
with my client.

ROSS
Why did you go into Santiago's
room?

JO
The witness has rights.

ROSS
The witness has been read his
rights, commander.

DOWNEY
(confused)
Hal?

RANDOLPH
The question will be repeated.

ROSS
Why did you go into Santiago's
room?
125.

JO
Your honor --

DOWNEY
Hal?

ROSS
Did Corporal Dawson tell you to do
it?

Everyone is frozen.

ROSS
(continuing)
He did, didn't he? Dawson told you
to give Santiago a code red.

DOWNEY looks at DAWSON.

DOWNEY
Hal?

ROSS
Don't look at him.

DOWNEY
Hal?

DAWSON
Private. Answer the Lieutenant's
question.

The room is still silent. DOWNEY does something we've never
seen him do before. He straightens himself up and says this
with the pride of a man who believes he's done the right
thing.

DOWNEY
Yes, Lieutenant. I was given an
order by my squad leader, Lance
Corporal Harold W. Dawson of the
U.S. Marine Corps. And I followed
it.

ROSS let's it hang. He looks over at KAFFEE. KAFFEE won't
meet his eyes.

Genres: Legal Drama, Military Drama
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic

Summary During cross-examination, Downey's testimony about a 'code red' order is questioned by Ross. When presented with evidence of a timeline discrepancy, Downey admits to following an order from Corporal Dawson to assault Santiago.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revealing plot twist
Emotional impact

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue

General Critique

The scene is intense and filled with suspense, which is engaging for the audience.
There is a good use of dialogue to reveal crucial information and create tension between the characters.
The conflicting emotions and reactions of the characters are well portrayed, adding depth to the scene.
The strategic questioning and revelations in the scene keep the audience on edge and interested in the outcome.
The scene effectively builds up to a climactic moment with the revelation of the truth about the code red order.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or reactions from Kaffee to show his internal struggle and emotions as the truth unfolds.
Provide more context or background information on the characters involved to enhance the audience's understanding of their motivations.
Explore the aftermath of the revelation further to show the impact on the characters and the case.
Consider adding more visual elements or actions to enhance the dramatic tension of the scene.
Work on tightening the dialogue to make it more impactful and concise.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

JO and SAM are sitting in silence. It's dark outside.

JO
Where do you think he is?
126.

SAM doesn't know. JO is beside herself, and trying to keep
it together.

JO
(continuing)
As far as Downey was concerned, it
was an order from Kendrick. It
didn't matter that he didn't hear
it first hand. He doesn't
distinguish between the two.

SAM understands, but he doesn't say anything. The door opens
and KAFFEE walks in.

JO
(continuing)
Danny. I'm sorry.

KAFFEE seems to be in an incredibly normal mood.

KAFFEE
Don't worry about it.

JO
Sam and I were just talking about
how all we really have to do is
call some witnesses who'll talk
about implied orders... or maybe we
put Downey back on the stand before
we get to Dawson.

KAFFEE
Maybe if we work at it we can get
Dawson charged with the Kennedy
assassination.

JO studies KAFFEE for a moment.

JO
Are you drunk?

KAFFEE
(a simple answer)
Pretty much. Yeah.

JO
(pause)
I'll make a pot of coffee. We have
a long night's work ahead.

KAFFEE
She's gonna make coffee. That's
nice.
(beat)
127.

He wasn't in his room.
(Kaffee's amazed)
He wasn't even there.
(beat)
That was an important piece of
information, don't you think?

JO
(pause)
Danny, it was just a setback. I'm
sorry. But we'll fix it and then
move on to Markinson.

KAFFEE
Markinson's dead.

JO and SAM are frozen.

KAFFEE says this with no particular feeling one way or the
other.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
You really gotta hand it to those
Federal Marshals, boy.
(he almost has to laugh)
It's not like he hanged himself by
his shoelaces or slashed his wrists
with a concealed butter knife. This
guy got, into full dress uniform,
stood in the middle of that room,
drew a nickle plated pistol from
his holster, and fired a bullet
into his mouth.

Jo and SAM don't say anything.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Anyway, since we seem to be out of
witnesses, I thought I'd drink a
little.

JO
I still think we can win.

KAFFEE
Then maybe you should drink a
little.

JO
Look, we'll go to Randolph in the
morning and make a motion for a
continuance. 24 hours.
128.

KAFFEE
(beat)
Why would we want to do that?

JO
To subpoena Colonel Jessep.

KAFFEE
What?

JO
Listen for a second --

KAFFEE
No.

JO
Just hear me out --

KAFFEE
No. I won't listen to you and I
won't hear you out. Your passion is
comforting, Jo. It's also useless.
Private Downey needed a trial
lawyer today.

JO
(pause)
You chicken-shit. You're gonna use
what happened today as an excuse to
give up.

KAFFEE
It's over!

JO
Why did you ask Jessep for the
transfer order?

KAFFEE
What are you --

JO
In Cuba. Why did you ask Jessep for
the transfer order?

KAFFEE
What does it matter --

JO
Why?!

KAFFEE
I wanted the damn transfer order!
129.

JO
Bullshit! You could've gotten it by
picking up the phone and calling
any one of a dozen departments at
the Pentagon. You didn't want the
transfer order. You wanted to see
Jessep's reaction when you asked
for the transfer order. You had an
instinct. And it was confirmed by
Markinson. Now damnit, let's put
Jessep on the stand and end this
thing!

KAFFEE
What possible good could come from
putting Jessep on the stand?

JO
He told Kendrick to order the Code
Red.

KAFFEE
He did?! Why didn't you say so!?
That's qreat! And of course you
have proof of that.

JO
I --

KAFFEE
Ah, I keep forgetting: You were
sick the day they taught law at law
school.

JO
You put him on the stand and you
get it from him!

KAFFEE
Yes. No problem. We get it from
him.
(to SAM)
Colonel, isn't it true that you
ordered the Code Red on Santiago?

SAM
Look, we're all a little --

KAFFEE
I'm sorry, your time's run out.
What do we have for the losers,
Judge? Well, for our defendants
it's a lifetime at exotic Fort
Levenworth.
130.

And for defense counsel Kaffee?
That's right -- it's -- a court --
martial. Yes, Johnny, after falsely
accusing a marine officer of
conspiracy, Lt. Kaffee will have a
long and prosperous career teaching
typewriter maintenance at the Rocco
Columbo School for Women. Thank you
for playing "Should We or Should-We-
Not Follow the Advice of the
Galacticly Stupid".

And with one motion, he knocks everything from his desk. A
ton of papers, books, files, etc., falls to the floor.

There's dead silence. Maybe just the sound of KAFFEE
breathing after this exhausting outburst.

Finally...

JO
I'm sorry I lost you your set of
steak knives.

Jo picks up her purse and coat and walks out. The door slams
behind her.

KAFFEE walks into the kitchen without a word.

SAM gets down on the floor and begins picking up all the
stuff that Kaffee knocked off the desk.

KAFFEE comes back in with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

KAFFEE
Stop cleaning up.

But Sam continues.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Sam. Stop cleaning up.

SAM stops and sits in a chair. KAFFEE sits on the couch.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
You want a drink?

SAM
Yeah.

SAM takes a swig from the bottle.
131.

KAFFEE
Is your father proud of you?

SAM
Don't do this to yourself.

KAFFEE
I'll bet he is. I'll bet he bores
the shit outta the neighbors and
the relatives. "Sam, made Law
Review. He's got a big case he's
making -- He's arguing making an
argument."
(pause)
I think my father would've enjoyed
seeing me graduate from law school.
(beat)
I think he would've liked that...
an awful lot.

SAM
Did I ever tell you that I wrote a
paper on your father in college?

KAFFEE
Yeah?

SAM
He was one of the best trial
lawyers ever.

KAFFEE
Yes he was.

SAM
And if I were Dawson and Downey and
I had a choice between you or your
father to represent me in this
case, I'd take you any day of the
week and twice on Sunday. You
should have seen yourself thunder
away at Kendrick.

KAFFEE
Would you put Jessep on the stand?

SAM
No.

KAFFEE
You think my father would've?
132.

SAM
With the evidence we've got? Not in
a million years. But here's the
thing -- and there's really no way
of getting around this -- neither
Lionel Kaffee nor Sam Weinberg are
lead counsel for the defense in the
matter of U.S. versus Dawson and
Downey. So there's only one
question. What would you do?

We HOLD on the two of them for a moment, then

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Character Drama
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Intense

Summary In Kaffee's apartment, Jo, Sam, and a drunk Kaffee discuss the case. Jo insists on calling witnesses, discussing Markinson's death, and putting Jessep on the stand. Kaffee's doubts escalate into a breakdown, expressing skepticism about winning the case. Sam attempts to reassure him, highlighting Kaffee's motivation and the importance of the case. The scene concludes with Sam and Kaffee sharing a personal conversation.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Tension building

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Lack of external action

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with the dialogue jumping between different topics without a cohesive thread.
The tone of the scene is inconsistent, shifting from somber and reflective to sarcastic and detached, which can be confusing for the audience.
The emotional impact of Markinson's suicide is downplayed by Kaffee's nonchalant attitude, which diminishes the gravity of the situation.
The dialogue between Jo and Kaffee feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters' emotions and motivations.
The scene lacks subtlety and nuance in addressing the complex themes of guilt, responsibility, and justice, resulting in a superficial exploration of these issues.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a clear and consistent emotional tone throughout the scene to enhance the impact of key moments, such as Markinson's suicide.
Streamline the dialogue to ensure that each exchange serves a specific purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters.
Provide more depth and complexity to the interactions between Jo, Kaffee, and Sam to create a more engaging and relatable dynamic.
Consider incorporating more visual elements and subtext to convey the characters' internal struggles and conflicts in a more nuanced manner.
Work on building tension and suspense in the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT

JO is walking through the night at a brisk pace. She's doing
her best not to fall apart.

TWO HEADLIGHTS appear coming down the street, and KAFFEE's
CAR, with SAM driving and KAFFEE riding shotgun, slows down
alongside JO. KAFFEE rolls down his window.

KAFFEE
Joanne.

JO ignores them and keeps walking. The car crawls along with
her.

JO starts walking faster.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Jo, we look ridiculous.
(to SAM)
Stop the car.

KAFFEE hops out and calls --

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Joanne.

JO keeps walking.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
I apologize. I was angry and... I'm
sorry about what I said.

But JO'S still walking.
133.

KAFFEE
(continuing; calling)
I'm gonna put Jessep on the stand.

She stops. She turns around.

CUT TO:

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT - LATER - AFTERNOON

A nerf ball bounces off the wall.

KAFFEE, JO and SAM are sprawled out in the living room. For
hours now they've been trying to come up with an idea.
KAFFEE's mind seems to be on his basketball game.

JO
I say we hit him with the phoney
transfer order.

SAM
What's the transfer order without a
witness?

KAFFEE
We have a witness.

SAM
A dead witness.

KAFFEE
And in the hands of a lesser
attorney, that'd be a problem.

SAM
Look at this. Last night he was
swimming in his Jack Daniels, now
he can leap tall buildings in a
single bound.

KAFFEE
I'm getting my second wind.
Siddown. Both of you.

He sees that SAM and JO were already sitting down.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Good.
(beat)
Jessep told Kendrick to order a
code red. Kendrick did, and our
clients followed the order. The
cover-up isn't our case.
134.

To win, Jessep has to tell the jury
that he ordered the code red.

SAM
And you think you can got him to
just say it?

KAFFEE
I think he wants to say it. I think
he's pissed off that he's gotta
hide from us. I think he wants to
say that he made a command decision
and that's the end of it. He eats
breakfast 80 yards away from 4000
Cubans who are trained to kill him,
and no one's gonna tell him how to
run his base. Least of all the
pushy broad, the smart Jew, and the
Harvard clown. I need to shake him
and put him on the defensive.

SAM and JO are silent for a moment.

SAM
That's it? That's the plan?

KAFFEE
That's the plan.

SAM
You're gonna trip Jessep and he's
gonna confess.

KAFFEE
I'm not gonna trip him. I'm gonna
lead him right where he's dying to
go.

SAM
And how are you gonna do that?

KAFFEE
I have no idea. I need my bat.

JO
What?

KAFFEE
(looking around)
I need my bat. I think better with
my bat. Where's my bat?

JO
I put it in the closet.
135.

KAFFEE
You put it in the closet.

KAFFEE heads to the closet.

JO
I was tripping over it.

KAFFEE (O.S.)
Don't ever put a bat in a closet.

JO
He thinks better with his bat?

And we go to KAFFEE AT THE CLOSET.

OFFSCREEN WE HEAR

SAM (O.S.)
I can understand that. I used to
have stuffed panda named Mr. Boob.
I could never do my home work
without him.

During this, KAFFEE's opened the closet door. He reaches in
to grab his bat when all of a sudden he notices something:

His clothes.

His uniforms and his civilian clothes. Hanging neatly along
the bar. He stares at this a moment, then suddenly heads
back through the living room towards the front door.

KAFFEE
Stay here, I'm going to the office
for a while.

KAFFEE storms out.

SAM
Boy, he does think better with that
bat.

CUT TO:

Genres: Drama
Tone: "Defeated"

Summary Jo initially ignores Kaffee's apology but is intrigued when he mentions putting Jessep on the stand. Kaffee becomes animated and confident, declaring that he has a plan to make Jessep confess. Jo, Kaffee, and Sam brainstorm ideas for their case against Jessep. Kaffee realizes that Jo has put his baseball bat in the closet, which he needs for inspiration. He abruptly leaves to retrieve it from his office.

Strengths "Good character development"

Weaknesses "Lack of action"

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the high stakes of the trial and the plan to confront Jessep on the stand.
The dialogue feels a bit too casual and lacks the intensity needed for a pivotal moment in the story.
The transition from Jo walking on the street to the brainstorming session in Kaffee's apartment feels abrupt and disjointed.
There is a lack of emotional depth in Kaffee's revelation of his plan to make Jessep confess, which is a crucial moment in the story.
The scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere and build tension.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add more tension and urgency to the dialogue and interactions between the characters to reflect the high stakes of the trial.
Consider revising the transition between Jo walking on the street and the brainstorming session to make it smoother and more cohesive.
Enhance Kaffee's emotional journey and the gravity of his plan to confront Jessep by adding more depth to his character's motivations.
Include more visual cues and descriptive elements to create a more immersive and engaging scene.
Work on building up the suspense and anticipation leading up to Kaffee's plan to confront Jessep on the stand to make the moment more impactful.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE COMPUTER ROOM - DUSK

A small room at the end of a corridor at the office. KAFFEE
stands over a printer and watches it spit out something he's
been waiting for. He tears the printout off and we

CUT TO:
136.

INT. KAFFEE'S OFFICE - EARLY EVENING

KAFFEE is looking over the computer printout. From what we
can tell, it resembles a large, military coded phone bill.

KAFFEE picks up the phone and dials.

KAFFEE
(into phone)
Sam.
(beat)
I need you to do something.

CUT TO:

INT. KAFFEE'S APARTMENT

SAM hangs up the phone slowly.

JO
What's goin' on?

SAM
I've gotta go out to Andrews.

CUT TO:

INT. COURTHOUSE CORRIDOR - DAY

The day's session is going to begin in a few minutes. KAFFEE
comes around the corner and runs into Jo.

KAFFEE
Is Sam here?

JO
Not yet.

KAFFEE
Where is he?

JO
He's on his way.

KAFFEE
Did he got the guys?

JO
Yes. Listen, can I talk to you for
a second?

CUT TO:
137.

INT. AN ANTE-ROOM OFF THE CORRIDOR - DAY

JO closes the door behind them.

JO
How're you feeling?

KAFFEE
I think he's gonna have his hands
full today.

JO
Listen.
(beat)
Danny.
(beat)
When you're out there. If it's not
gonna happen he's not gonna say it
(beat)
...don't go for it.

KAFFEE looks at her.

JO
(continuing)
If you feel like... if you feel
like... You could get in trouble.
(beat)
I'm special counsel for internal
affairs, and I'm telling you, you
could get in a lot of trouble.

KAFFEE
Why Lt. Commander Galloway... are
you suggesting I back off a
material witness?

JO
If you think you can't get him.
(beat)
Yeah.

KAFFEE
Do you think I can get him?

JO
(beat)
I think it doesn't matter what I
think. I'm an administrator.
(beat)
I can't seem to defend people.

KAFFEE takes that in. He picks up his briefcase and grabs
his jacket.
138.

Then he turns to JO.

KAFFEE
You're my hero, Joanne.
(beat)
From the first day, you were a
lawyer.
(beat)
Live with that.

And in VOICE OVER we HEAR the SERGEANT AT ARMS.

SERGEANT AT ARMS (V.O.)
All rise.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Serious, Emotional

Summary Lieutenant Kaffee reviews a military coded phone bill and discusses his strategy with Jo in the courthouse corridor. Jo is concerned about Kaffee's approach, but Kaffee believes the witness will have a lot to answer for. They both head back to the courtroom, preparing for the next session of the trial.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Tension-building

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, leaving the audience confused about the significance of the actions taking place.
There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
The dialogue between Kaffee and Jo lacks depth and emotional resonance, failing to create a compelling dynamic between the characters.
The transition between locations is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the scene.
The scene fails to build towards a meaningful climax or resolution, leaving the audience feeling unsatisfied.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the objective of the scene and ensure that every action and line of dialogue serves that purpose.
Introduce more conflict or tension between Kaffee and Jo to create a more engaging dynamic.
Develop the dialogue to reveal deeper emotions and motivations of the characters, adding layers to their interactions.
Smooth out the transitions between locations to improve the flow of the scene and make it easier to follow.
Consider adding a more impactful ending or revelation to give the scene a sense of closure and significance.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE COURTROOM - DAY

Everyone stands at attention as RANDOLPH enters. SAM is
missing.

RANDOLPH
(to KAFFEE)
Call your witness.

KAFFEE
Where's Sam?

JO
He'll be here.

RANDOLPH
Lieutenant, call your witness.

KAFFEE
Defense calls Colonel Nathan
Jessep.

JESSEP is escorted in through a side door. He's wearing his
dress uniforms, adorned with the appropriate medals.

ROSS
Colonel, do you solemnly swear that
the testimony you will give in this
General Court-Martial will be the
truth, the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth so help you God?

JESSEP
Yes I do.
139.

ROSS
Would you state your name, rank,
and current billet for the record
please, air?

JESSEP
Colonel Nathan R. Jessep,
Commanding officer, Marine Ground
Forces, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

ROSS
Thank you, sir, would you have a
seat, please.

JESSEP sits.

KAFFEE
Colonel, when you learned of
Santiago's letter to the NIS, you
had a meeting with your two senior
officers, is that right?

JESSEP
Yes.

KAFFEE
The Executive Officer, Lt. Jonathan
Kendrick, and the Company
Commander, Captain Matthew
Markinson.

JESSEP
Yes.

KAFFEE
And at present, Captain Markinson
is dead, is that right?

ROSS
Objection. I'd like to know just
what defense counsel is implying?

KAFFEE
I'm implying simply that, at
present, Captain Markinson is not
alive.

ROSS
Surely Colonel Jessep doesn't need
to appear in this courtroom to
confirm that information.
140.

KAFFEE
I just wasn't sure if the witness
was aware that two days ago,
Captain Markinson took his own life
with a .45 caliber pistol.

And from the back of the room, SAM enters. He's escorting
two young AIRMEN in Airforce dress uniforms. SAM shows the
AIRMEN to a seat near the front, and takes his place at the
defense table.

Over this we HEAR --

RANDOLPH (O.S.)
The witness is aware, the Court is
aware, and now the jury is aware.
We thank you for bringing this to
our attention. Move on Lieutenant.

SAM scribbles something on a piece of paper, KAFFEE walks
over, looks at the paper on which are wrttten two names:
Cecil O'Malley and Anthony Perez, then turns back to
RANDOLPH.

KAFFEE
Yes sir. Colonel, at the time of
this meeting, you gave Lt. Kendrick
an order, is that right?

JESSEP
I told Kendrick to tell his men
that Santiago wasn't to be touched.

KAFFEE
And did you give an order to
Captain Markinson as well?

JESSEP
I ordered Markinson to have
Santiago transferred off the base
immediately.

KAFFEE
Why?

JESSEP
I felt that his life might be in
danger once word of the letter got
out.

KAFFEE
Grave danger?
141.

JESSEP
Is there another kind?

KAFFEE holds up a document from his table.

KAFFEE
We have the transfer order that you
and Markinson co-signed, ordering
that Santiago be lifted on a flight
leaving Guantanamo at six the next
morning. Was that the first flight
off the bass?

JESSEP
The six a.m. flight was the first
flight off the base.

KAFFEE nods and decides to move on.

JESSEP steals a quick glance at the two AIRMEN sitting out
in the courtroom.

KAFFEE
Colonel, you flew up to Washington
early this morning, is that right?

JESSEP
Yes.

KAFFEE
I notice you're wearing your Class
A appearance in dress uniform for
court today.

JESSEP
(continuing)
As are you, Lieutenant.

KAFFEE
Did you wear that uniform on the
plane?

ROSS
Please the Court, is this dialogue
relevant to anything in particular?

KAFFEE
The defense didn't have an
opportunity to depose this witness,
your honor. I'd ask the Court for a
little latitude.

RANDOLPH
A very little latitude.
142.

KAFFEE
Colonel?

JESSEP
I wore fatigues on the plane.

KAFFEE
And you brought your dress uniform
with you.

JESSEP
Yes.

KAFFEE
And a toothbrush? A shaving kit?
Change of underwear?

ROSS
Your honor.

KAFFEE
(to ROSS)
Is the Colonel's underwear a matter
of national security?

RANDOLPH
Gentlemen.
(to KAFFEE)
You better get somewhere fast with
this, Lieutenant.

KAFFEE
Yes sir. Colonel?

JESSEP
I brought a change of clothes and
some personal items.

KAFFEE
Thank you.

KAFFEE gets a document from his table.

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational

Summary In a courtroom, Sam enters with two new airmen. Randolph orders Kaffee to call his witness, with Kaffee asking about Sam's whereabouts and Jo assuring him he'll be there. Colonel Nathan Jessep enters, and the defense asks him about a meeting he had with two other officers regarding a letter from Santiago. Captain Markinson is revealed to have died by suicide, and Kaffee questions Jessep about orders he gave to Kendrick and Markinson. Jessep states he ordered Santiago to be transferred off base due to potential danger, and that he flew to Washington that morning in fatigues, bringing a change of clothes and personal items.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revealing crucial information
Building tension

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Some dialogue may be too procedural

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with the dialogue meandering and not leading to a significant revelation or conflict resolution.
There is an excessive focus on trivial details like the witness's attire and personal items, detracting from the main purpose of the questioning.
The dialogue between Kaffee and Jessep feels forced and lacks depth, failing to create a sense of tension or intrigue.
The scene lacks a sense of urgency or high stakes, making it less engaging for the audience.
The objections raised by Ross and the judge add unnecessary interruptions to the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Streamline the dialogue to focus on key points that drive the plot forward and reveal important information.
Create more tension and conflict between Kaffee and Jessep to make the scene more engaging.
Cut down on irrelevant details and focus on the core purpose of the questioning to maintain the audience's interest.
Introduce a twist or revelation that adds depth to the interaction between Kaffee and Jessep.
Consider adding more emotional depth to the characters to make the scene more impactful.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

KAFFEE
(continuing)
After Dawson and Downey's arrest on
the night of the sixth, Santiago's
barracks room was sealed off and
its contents inventoried.
(reading)
143.

Pairs of camouflage pants, 6
camouflage shirts, 2 pairs of
boots, pair of brown shoes, 1 pair
of tennis shoes, 8 khaki tee-
shirts, 2 belts, 1 sweater --

ROSS
Please the Court, is there a
question anywhere in our future?

RANDOLPH
Lt. Kaffee, I have to --

KAFFEE
I'm wondering why Santiago wasn't
packed.

That landed. On the JURY, RANDOLPH, ROSS...

KAFFEE
(continuing)
I'll tell you what, we'll get back
to that one in a minute.

JO hands KAFFEE the computer printout.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
This is a record of all telephone
calls made from your base in the
past 24 hours. After being
subpoenaed to Washington, you made
three calls.

Handing Jessep the printout --

KAFFEE
(continuing)
I've highlighted those calls in
yellow. Do you recognize those
numbers?

JESSEP
I called Colonel Fitzhuqhes in
Quantico, Va. I wanted to let him
know I'd be in town. The second
call was to set up a meeting with
Congressman Ramond of the House
Armed Services Committee, and the
third call was to my sister
Elizabeth.

KAFFEE
Why did you make that call, sir?
144.

JESSEP
I thought she might like to have
dinner tonight.

ROSS
Judge --

RANDOLPH
I'm gonna put a stop to this now.

Jo's handed KAFFEE another printout and a stack of letters.

KAFFEE
Your honor, these are the telephone
records from GITMO for August 6th.
And these are 14 letters that
Santiago wrote in nine months
requesting, in fact begging, for a
transfer.
(to JESSEP)
Upon hearing the news that he was
finally getting his transfer,
Santiago was so excited, that do
you know how many people he called?
Zero. Nobody. Not one call to his
parents saying he was coming home.
Not one call to a friend saying can
you pick me up at the airport. He
was asleep in his bed at midnight,
and according to you he was getting
on a plane in six hours, yet
everything he owned was hanging
neatly in his closet and folded
neatly in his footlocker. You were
leaving for one day and you packed
a bag and made three phone calls.
Santiago was leaving for the rest
of his life, and he hadn't called a
soul and he hadn't packed a thing.
Can you explain that? The fact is
there was no transfer order.
Santiago wasn't going anywhere,
isn't that right, Colonel.

ROSS
Object. Your Honor, it's obvious
that Lt. Kaffee's intention this
morning is to smear a high ranking
marine officer in the desperate
hope that the mere appearance of
impropriety will win him points
with the jury. It's my
recommendation, sir, that Lt.
145.

Kaffee receive an official
reprimand from the bench, and that
the witness be excused with the
Court's deepest apologies.

RANDOLPH ponders this a moment.

RANDOLPH
(pause)
Overruled.

ROSS
Your honor --

RANDOLPH
The objection's noted.

KAFFEE
(beat)
Colonel?

Jessep's smiling...

...and now he can't help but let out a short laugh.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Is this funny, sir?

JESSEP
No. It's not. It's tragic.

KAFFEE
Do you have an answer?

JESSEP
Absolutely. My answer is I don't
have the first damn clue. Maybe he
was an early morning riser and he
liked to pack in the nq. And maybe
he didn't have any friends. I'm an
educated man, but I'm afraid I
can't speak intelligently about the
travel habits of William Santiago.
What I do know is that he was set
to leave the base at 0600. Now are
these really the questions I was
called here to answer? Phone calls
and footlockers? Please tell me
you've got something more,
Lieutenant. Please tell me there's
an ace up your sleeve. These two
marines are on trial for their
lives.
146.

Please tell me their lawyer hasn't
pinned their hopes to a phone bill.
(beat)
Do you have any other questions for
me, counselor?

The courtroom is silenced. Jessep's slammed the door.

KAFFEE looks around the room, sees that the world is waiting
for him to do something...

RANDOLPH
Lt. Kaffee?

KAFFEE says nothing. He glances over to AIRMEN O'MALLEY and

PEREZ.

RANDOLPH
(continuing)
Lieutenant, do you have anything
further for this witness?

KAFFEE doesn't respond. JESSEP gets up to leave.

JESSEP
(standing)
Thanks, Danny. I love Washington.

And JESSEP starts to leave, but he's stopped by --

KAFFEE
Excuse me, I didn't dismiss you.

JESSEP turns around.

JESSEP
I beg your pardon.

KAFFEE
I'm not through with my
examination. Sit down.

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Dramatic

Summary During cross-examination, Lt. Kaffee confronts Colonel Jessep about inconsistencies in his account of Marine Santiago's transfer. Kaffee presents evidence suggesting Santiago had no intention of leaving the base, including the lack of packing and communication with loved ones. Jessep remains evasive, claiming ignorance about Santiago's plans.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Character dynamics
Plot advancement

Weaknesses

Some repetitive questioning

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with Kaffee jumping from one point to another without a cohesive thread.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially with Kaffee's abrupt shifts in questioning and Jessep's evasive responses.
There is a lack of subtlety in the way the conflict is presented, with Ross's objections and Randolph's rulings feeling overly dramatic.
The pacing of the scene is uneven, with moments of tension not being effectively built up or resolved.
The character motivations and emotions are not fully explored or developed, leading to a lack of depth in the interactions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on establishing a clear objective for Kaffee in the scene, whether it's to uncover a specific piece of information or to challenge Jessep on a particular point.
Streamline the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, with a balance between confrontation and subtlety in the interactions.
Work on building tension and suspense throughout the scene, leading to a climactic moment that resolves the conflict in a satisfying way.
Explore the internal conflicts and emotions of the characters, especially Kaffee and Jessep, to add depth and complexity to their interactions.
Consider adding more layers to the scene by incorporating subtext and character dynamics to create a more engaging and impactful exchange.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JESSEP
Colonel.

KAFFEE
What's that?

JESSEP
(to RANDOLPH)
I'd appreciate it if he addressed
me as Colonel or Sir. I believe
I've earned it.
147.

RANDOLPH
Defense counsel will address the
witness as Colonel or Sir.

JESSEP
(to RANDOLPH)
I don't know what the hell kind of
an outfit you're running here.

RANDOLPH
And the witness will address this
Court as Judge or Your Honor. I'm
quite certain I've earned it. Take
your seat, Colonel.

Jessep goes back to the stand.

JESSEP
(continuing)
What would you like to discuss now!
My favorite color?

KAFFEE
Colonel, the six a.m. flight, was
the first one off the base?

JESSEP
Yes.

KAFFEE
There wasn't a flight that left
seven hours earlier and landed at
Andrews Airforce Base at 2 a.m.?

RANDOLPH
Lieutenant, I think we've covered
this, haven't we?

KAFFEE gets the two log books from his table as well as the
piece of paper that SAM scribbled on.

KAFFEE
Your Honor, these are the Tower
Chief's Logs for both Guantanamo
Bay and Andrews Airforce Base. The
Guantanamo log lists no flight that
left at eleven p.m., and the
Andrews log lists no flight that
landed at 2 a.m. I'd like to admit
them as Defense Exhibits "A" and
"B".
148.

RANDOLPH
I don't understand. You're
admitting evidence of a flight that
never existed?

KAFFEE
We believe it did, sir.
(glancing at the paper,
then motioning to the
AIRMEN)
Defense'll be calling Airman Cecil
O'Malley and Airman Anthony Perez.
They were working the ground crew
at Andrews at two a.m. on the
seventh.

ROSS
Your Honor, these men weren't on
the list. Rebuttal witnesses, Your
Honor, called specifically to
refute testimony offered under
direct examination.

If you looked closely at JESSEP, you could see a drop of
sweat.

RANDOLPH
I'll allow the witnesses.

JESSEP
This is ridiculous.

KAFFEE
Colonel, a moment ago --

JESSEP
Check the Tower Logs for christ's
sake.

KAFFEE
We'll get to the airmen in just a
minute, sir. A moment ago said that
you ordered Kendrick to order his
men not to touch Santiago.

JESSEP
That's right.

KAFFEE
And Kendrick was clear on what you
wanted?

JESSEP
Crystal.
149.

KAFFEE
Any chance Kendrick ignored the
order?

JESSEP
Ignored the order?

KAFFEE
Any chance he just forgot about it?

JESSEP
No.

KAFFEE
Any chance Kendrick left your
office and said, "The 'old man's
wrong"?

JESSEP
No.

KAFFEE
When Kendrick spoke to the platoon
and ordered them not to touch
Santiago, any chance they ignored
him?

JESSEP
Have you ever spent time in an
infantry unit, son?

KAFFEE
No sir.

JESSEP
Ever served in a forward area?

KAFFEE
No sir.

JESSEP
Ever put your life in another man's
hands, ask him to put his life in
yours?

KAFFEE
No sir.

JESSEP
We follow orders, son. We follow
orders or people die. It's that
simple. Are we clear?
150.

KAFFEE
Yes sir.

JESSEP
Are we clear?

KAFFEE
Crystal.

KAFFEE speaks with the quiet confidence that comes from
knowing you're about to drop your opponents

KAFFEE
(continuing; beat)
Colonel, I have just one more
question before I call Airman
O'Malley and Airman Perez: If you
gave an order that Santiago wasn't
to be touched, and your orders are
always followed, then why would he
be in danger, why would it be
necessary to transfer him off the
base?

And JESSEP has no answer.

Nothing.

He sits there, and for the first time, seems to be lost.

JESSEP
Private Santiago was a sub-standard
marine. He was being transferred
off the base because --

KAFFEE
But that's not what you said. You
said he was being transferred
because he was in grave danger.

JESSEP
(pause)
Yes. That's correct, but --

KAFFEE
You said, "He was in danger". I
said, "Grave danger". You said --

JESSEP
Yes, I recall what --

KAFFEE
I can have the Court Reporter read
back your --
151.

JESSEP
I know what I said. I don't need it
read back to me like I'm a damn --

KAFFEE
Then why the two orders?
(beat)
Colonel?
(beat)
Why did you --

JESSEP
Sometimes men take matters into
their own hands.

KAFFEE
No sir. You made it clear just a
moment ago that your men never take
matters into their own hands. Your
men follow orders or people die. So
Santiago shouldn't have been in any
danger at all, should he have,
Colonel?

Everyone's sweating now. Everyone but KAFFEE.

Genres: Legal Drama, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Suspenseful

Summary In court, Kaffee confronts Jessep about conflicting orders given regarding Santiago's safety. Jessep's flustered reaction leads to inconsistencies in his testimony, highlighting the conflict between his words and the evidence.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revealing character dynamics
High tension

Weaknesses

Some repetitive questioning

General Critique

The scene is intense and confrontational, which is effective in building tension and drama.
The dialogue between Kaffee and Jessep is engaging and reveals important information about the case.
There is a good use of questioning and cross-examination to uncover inconsistencies in Jessep's testimony.
The scene effectively showcases Kaffee's confidence and determination in challenging Jessep.
The visual cues of sweating characters add to the tension and drama of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Kaffee to provide insight into his mindset during the intense questioning.
Explore the possibility of incorporating more physical actions or movements to enhance the visual impact of the scene.
Provide a bit more context or background information to help the audience understand the significance of the Tower Chief's Logs and the flight discrepancies.
Consider adding a bit more depth to Jessep's character to make his reactions and responses even more impactful.
Ensure the pacing of the scene is maintained to keep the tension and drama high throughout.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

JESSEP
You little bastard.

ROSS
Your Honor, I have to ask for a
recess to --

KAFFEE
I'd like an answer to the question,
Judge.

RANDOLPH
The Court'll wait for answer.

KAFFEE
If Kendrick told his men that
Santiago wasn't to be touched, then
why did he have to be transferred?

Jessep is looking at O'MALLEY and PEREZ.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Colonel?

JESSEP says nothing.
152.

KAFFEE
(continuing)
Kendrick ordered the code red,
didn't he? Because that's what you
told Kendrick to do.

ROSS
Object!

RANDOLPH
Counsel.

KAFFEE will plow through the objections of ROSS and the
admonishments of RANDOLPH.

KAFFEE
And when it went bad, you cut these
guys loose.

ROSS
Your Honor --

RANDOLPH
That'll be all, counsel.

KAFFEE
You had Markinson sign a phony
transfer order --

ROSS
Judge --

KAFFEE
You doctored the log books.

ROSS
Damnit Kaffee!!

KAFFEE
I'll ask for the forth time. You
ordered --

JESSEP
You want answers?

KAFFEE
I think I'm entitled to them.

JESSEP
You want answers?!

KAFFEE
I want the truth.
153.

JESSEP
You can't handle the truth!

And nobody moves.

JESSEP
(continuing)
Son, we live in a world that has
walls. And those walls have to be
guarded by men with guns. Who's
gonna do it? You? You, Lt.
Weinberg? I have a greater
responsibility than you can
possibly fathom. You weep for
Santiago and you curse the marines.
You have that luxury. You have the
luxury of not knowing what I know:
That Santiago's death, while
tragic, probably saved lives. And
my existence, while grotesque and
incomprehensible to you, saves
lives.
(beat)
You don't want the truth. Because
deep down, in places you don't talk
about at parties, you want me on
that wall. You need me there.
(boasting)
We use words like honor, code,
loyalty... we use these words as
the backbone to a life spent
defending something. You use 'em as
a punchline.
(beat)
I have neither the time nor the
inclination to explain myself to a
man who rises and sleeps under the
blanket of the very freedom I
provide, then questions the manner
in which I provide it. I'd prefer
you just said thank you and went on
your way. Otherwise, I suggest you
pick up a weapon and stand a post.
Either way, I don't give a damn
what you think you're entitled to.

KAFFEE
(quietly)
Did you order the code red?

JESSEP
(beat)
I did the job you sent me to do.
154.

KAFFEE
Did you order the code red?

JESSEP
(pause)
You're goddamn right I did.

Silence. From everyone. RANDOLPH, ROSS, the M.P.'s, they're
all frozen. JO and SAM are likewise. JESSEP seems strangely,
quietly relieved. KAFFEE simply takes control of the room
now.

KAFFEE
Please the court, I suggest the
jury be dismissed so that we can
move to an immediate Article 39a
Session. The witness has rights.

Silence.

RANDOLPH looks to ROSS.

RANDOLPH
Lt. Ross?

ROSS is frozen. He doesn't know what to do.

KAFFEE
(as a friend)
Jack.

ROSS looks at KAFFEE, then JESSEP, then nods his head "yes"
to RANDOLPH.

RANDOLPH
The Sergeant at Arms will take the
jury to an ante-room where you'll
wait until further instruction.

The SERGEANT AT ARMS begins leading the JURORS out of the
room.

JESSEP
What the hell's going on?

No one will say anything until the jurors are out of the
room.

JESSEP
(continuing; to captain)
Captain, what the hell's going on?
I did my job. I'd do it again. Now
I'm getting on a plane and going
back to my base.
155.

RANDOLPH
M.P.'s, guard the prisoner.

The M.P.'s are tentative. They've never heard a marine
colonel referred to as "the prisoner" before. They sure as
hell have never been asked to guard one.

ROSS
Guard the prisoner.

JESSEP
What the hell --

ROSS
Colonel Jessep, you have the right
to remain silent. Any statement you
do make can be used against you in
a trial by court-martial or other
judicial or administrative
proceeding. You have the right...

ROSS continues reading JESSEP his rights, over --

JESSEP
I'm being charged with a crime? I'm
-- that's what this is --
(to Ross)
Marine!
(Ross keeps going)
Marine!!
(Ross is doing his job.)
I'm being charged with a crime? I'm
-- that's what's happening? This --
I'm -- this is funny, you know
that, this is --

Genres: Legal Drama, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Dramatic

Summary In the courtroom, Kaffee relentlessly interrogates Colonel Jessep about the Code Red that killed Santiago. Despite objections, Kaffee accuses Jessep of ordering the transfer to cover up the truth. Jessep admits responsibility, shocking the courtroom. The jury is dismissed and an Article 39a session is initiated to advise Jessep of his rights.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Revelation of truth
Character development

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue

General Critique

The scene is intense and dramatic, which is appropriate for the climax of the trial. However, the dialogue feels a bit over-the-top and melodramatic at times, especially with Jessep's monologue about 'You can't handle the truth!'
The confrontation between Kaffee and Jessep is powerful, but it could benefit from more subtlety and nuance in the delivery of the lines to make it feel more authentic and less like a theatrical performance.
The scene could use more physical actions or reactions from the characters to enhance the tension and emotion of the moment. Adding gestures, facial expressions, or movements could help convey the intensity of the situation.
The pacing of the scene could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue and allowing for more pauses or moments of silence to build suspense and emphasize key moments.
The transition from Jessep's outburst to the arrest feels a bit abrupt. It might be more effective to have a smoother transition or build up to the arrest in a more gradual and suspenseful manner.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider toning down the melodrama in the dialogue to make the confrontation feel more realistic and impactful.
Add more physical actions or reactions from the characters to enhance the intensity of the scene.
Work on pacing and vary the rhythm of the dialogue to create more tension and suspense.
Smooth out the transition from Jessep's confession to the arrest to make it feel more organic and impactful.
Consider adding moments of silence or pauses to allow the audience to absorb the weight of the confession and arrest.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

And JESSEP lunges at KAFFEE, and KAFFEE would be dead but
for the three M.P.'s who've leapt in to restrain JESSEP. SAM
and JO have come to their feet and stand behind KAFFEE.

JESSEP
(continuing; to Kaffee)
I'm gonna tear your eyes right
outta your head and piss in your
dead skull. You fucked with the
wrong marine.

ROSS is done reading JESSEP his rights.

ROSS
Colonel Jessep, do you understand
those rights as I have just read
then to you?
156.

JESSEP
I saved lives. That boy was --
there was a weak link. I saved
lives, you hear me?

The courtroom is silent from Jessep's outburst. Jessep
shakes his head.

JESSEP
(continuing)
You fuckin' people.
(beat)
You have no idea how to defend a
nation.
(continuing; to KAFFEE)
All you did was weaken a country
today, Kaffee. That's all you did.
You put people in danger. Sweet
dreams, son.

KAFFEE
Don't call me son.
(beat)
I'm a lawyer, and an officer of the
United States Navy. And you're
under arrest you sonofabitch.

KAFFEE stays on JESSEP a moment longer, then remembers --

KAFFEE
(continuing)
The witness is excused.

The M.P.'s start leading JESSEP out, and KAFFEE notices
DAWSON. And DOWNEY. And ROSS. who are watching a man in a
marine colonels uniform be led away in handcuffs... KAFFEE
takes a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes some sweat
from his hands. He takes a deep breath as we

SLOW DISSOLVE
TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Confrontational, Dramatic

Summary In a heated courtroom confrontation, Col. Jessep lunges at Lt. Kaffee in rage but is restrained by military police. Jessep insists he saved lives by his actions, while Kaffee accuses him of weakening the country. Kaffee arrests Jessep, who is led out of the courtroom by MPs.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Emotional depth
Character development
Revealing crucial information
Sharp dialogue

Weaknesses

Some cliched lines
Slightly predictable outcome

General Critique

The scene is intense and dramatic, with a physical altercation between Jessep and Kaffee adding to the tension.
The dialogue is powerful and reveals the conflicting ideologies and emotions of the characters.
Jessep's outburst and threats towards Kaffee add depth to his character but may come off as slightly over-the-top.
The resolution of Jessep being arrested feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from more build-up and consequences.
The scene could be enhanced by more nuanced interactions between the characters and a deeper exploration of the themes at play.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider toning down Jessep's threats and outburst to make them more realistic and impactful.
Add more build-up to Jessep's arrest to increase the impact and consequences of his actions.
Explore the aftermath of Jessep's arrest on the other characters and the trial proceedings to add depth to the scene.
Focus on the emotional and psychological impact of the confrontation on Kaffee and the other characters to enhance the dramatic tension.
Consider incorporating more subtle moments of conflict and resolution to add layers to the scene and the characters' dynamics.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

INT. THE COURTROOM - LATE AFTERNOON

There's low murmur in the room as the JURORS are being led
back into their box.

Everyone's in place.

RANDOLPH enters.

SERGEANT AT ARMS
Ten-hut.
157.

All rise. And sit when RANDOLPH sits.

RANDOLPH
Have the jurors reached a verdict?

JURY FOREMAN
We have, sir.

The SERGEANT AT ARMS takes all the slips of paper from the
FOREMAN and brings them to RANDOLPH.

KAFFEE stands, and nods to DAWSON and DOWNEY that they
should do the same. SAM and JO stand as well.

RANDOLPH
(reading)
On the charge of Murder, the
Members find the defendants Not
Guilty.

It's hard to resist the temptation to scream and shout, but
they do.

RANDOLPH
(continuing; reading)
On the charge of Conspiracy to
Commit Murder, the Members find the
defendants Not Guilty.

RANDOLPH looks up. Then reads from the last slip of paper.

RANDOLPH
(continuing)
On the charge of Conduct Unbecoming
a United States Marine, the members
find the defendants Guilty as
Charged.

A little of the energy drains out of the room. RANDOLPH
continues reading.

RANDOLPH
(continuing; reading)
The defendants are hereby sentenced
by this court to time already
served, and are ordered...

RANDOLPH clears his throat.

RANDOLPH
(continuing)
...And are ordered to be
dishonorably discharged from the
marine corps.
158.

(pause)
This Court-Martial is adjourned.

RANDOLPH raps his gavel.

SERGEANT AT ARMS
Ten hut.

All rise.

RANDOLPH's gone.

SERGEANT AT ARMS
(continuing)
Dismissed.

The M.P.'s move to DAWSON and DOWNEY to unlock their
handcuffs. KAFFEE is packing up his things, just another day
at the office.

DAWSON
Why?

KAFFEE
Harold, I'm sorry.

DAWSON
Why?!

DOWNEY
I don't understand. Colonel Jessep
said he ordered the Code Red.

JO
I know, but --

DOWNEY
Colonel Jessep said he ordered the
Code Red, what did we do wrong?

JO
It's not as simple as --

DOWNEY
What did we do wrong?

DAWSON
We did nothing wrong.

SAM slaps his hands down on the table --
159.

SAM
Yes you did! A jury just said your
conduct was unbecoming a marine.
What does that mean?!

DAWSON
You're the lawyer.

SAM
You're the marine.

DAWSON
Not anymore.

SAM lets it hang. DAWSON is staring at SAM. His stare moves
slowly to the floor.

DAWSON
(continuing)
I never meant to hurt Willy.

DAWSON looks up at HIS PARENTS. The moment hangs there...
before

SERGEANT AT ARMS
Kaffee, I've gotta take these guys
over to personnel for some paper
work.

KAFFEE nods.

SERGEANT AT ARMS
(continuing; to Dawson &
Downey)
Gentleman?

DAWSON looks to KAFFEE. There's gotta be more. This can't be
it.

But KAFFEE has nothing to say.

DAWSON and DOWNEY walk to the SERGEANT AT ARMS and begin to
follow him up the aisle and out of the courtroom. But before
they get to the door, KAFFEE turns around and calls

KAFFEE
Harold!

They stop and turn around.

DAWSON
Sir!
160.

KAFFEE
(pause)
You don't need to wear a patch on
your arm to have honor.

DAWSON stares at KAFFEE for a long moment.

DAWSON
Ten-hut.

DAWSON and DOWNEY come to attention.

DAWSON
(continuing)
There's an officer on deck.

DAWSON snaps a salute and holds it.

KAFFEE stares back. Then stands up straight and returns
their salute.

With one last glance back at KAFFEE, DAWSON turns and walks
out the door, followed by DOWNEY.

ROSS walks over to the defense table.

ROSS
Airmen Cecil O'Malley and Anthony
Perez? What exactly were these guys
gonna testify to?

KAFFEE
Unless I'm mistaken they were gonna
testify, under oath, that they have
absolutely no recollection of
anything.

ROSS smiles.

ROSS
Strong witnesses.

KAFFEE
And very handsome, too, don't you
think?

ROSS
I'll see you around the campus.
I've gotta go arrest Kendrick.

KAFFEE
Tell him I say "Hi".
161.

ROSS
Will do.

CUT TO:

Genres: Legal Drama, Mystery, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Dramatic, Confrontational, Emotional

Summary **Dawson and Downey:** Found guilty of conduct unbecoming a Marine and dishonorably discharged. **Kaffee:** Tries to comfort Dawson, reminding him that honor is not defined by a patch on one's arm. **Ross:** Informs Kaffee that the witnesses he lined up have no recollection of anything.

Strengths

Intense emotional impact
Dramatic dialogue
Complex character interactions
Significant plot development

Weaknesses

Some characters' fates left unresolved
Limited exploration of secondary characters

General Critique

The scene lacks a strong emotional impact considering the gravity of the verdict and the characters' reactions.
The dialogue feels a bit rushed and lacks depth in conveying the characters' emotions and inner turmoil.
There is a missed opportunity to explore the complex emotions and conflicts within the characters, especially Dawson and Downey.
The resolution of the trial and the characters' reactions could have been more nuanced and impactful.
The scene could benefit from more visual cues and descriptions to enhance the emotional resonance.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reactions from the characters to convey their inner turmoil and conflict.
Slow down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more emotional depth and impact.
Explore the aftermath of the verdict on Dawson and Downey in more detail to highlight the complexity of their emotions.
Add visual cues and descriptions to enhance the emotional resonance of the scene, such as body language, facial expressions, and reactions.
Consider adding a moment of reflection or introspection from Kaffee to provide a deeper insight into his thoughts and feelings about the outcome of the trial.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

EXT. OUTSIDE THE COURTHOUSE - DUSK

KAFFEE, JO and SAM are walking down the steps. The BAND is
practicing on the parade grounds.

JO
What do you say we take the rest of
the day off. Go out someplace. Sam?
Champagne? Yoo-Hoo?

SAM
Thanks, I can't. I'm gonna go home
and talk to my daughter. I think
she's gotta be bilingual by now.

And SAM heads off toward his car.

JO
So what's next for you?

KAFFEE
Staff Sargeant Henry Williamson. He
went to the movies on company time.
What about you?

JO
Me? Oh... you know... the usual.

KAFFEE
Just pretty much generally annoying
people?

JO
Yeah.
(pause)
So what do you say? How 'bout a
celebration?

KAFFEE
No. How 'bout a date. A real date.
Dinner. Attractive clothes. The
works.

JO
Sounds good. Who do you think I
should call?

KAFFEE
I'll pick you up at seven.
162.

JO
What are you gonna do now?

KAFFEE
I'm gonna get started on Henry
Williamson.
(beat)
Stand my post for a while.

JO holds out her hand. KAFFEE shakes it. JO kisses him.

JO
Wear matching socks.

Jo splits off toward her building and KAFFEE keeps walking
toward the bleachers as we PULL BACK TO INCLUDE the almost
empty parade grounds and PULL BACK as to show the Washington
Navy Yard and PULL BACK and back and back and

FADE OUT.

THE END

Genres: Legal Drama, Character Drama, Romantic Comedy
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Light-hearted

Summary After a successful trial, Kaffee, Jo, and Sam are celebrating outside the courthouse. Jo suggests they take the rest of the day off and go out, but Sam declines, wanting to go home and talk to his daughter. Jo asks Kaffee what his plans are next, and he tells her he's going to work on the case of Staff Sergeant Henry Williamson. Jo suggests they celebrate, but Kaffee asks her out on a real date instead. Jo agrees, and they arrange to meet at 7 pm. Before they part ways, Jo tells Kaffee to wear matching socks.

Strengths

Character development
Dialogue
Tone

Weaknesses

Low conflict level
Lack of high stakes

General Critique

The scene lacks a strong resolution or climax, ending on a somewhat mundane note of planning a date.
The dialogue between the characters feels a bit forced and lacks depth or emotional impact.
There is a missed opportunity to explore the aftermath of the trial and the emotional journey of the characters.
The scene could benefit from more tension or conflict to keep the audience engaged.
The transition from the intense courtroom drama to a casual conversation about a date feels abrupt and disjointed.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a more impactful resolution or climax to the scene to leave a lasting impression on the audience.
Work on developing more authentic and emotionally resonant dialogue between the characters.
Explore the emotional aftermath of the trial and delve deeper into the characters' internal struggles and growth.
Introduce a subtle conflict or tension in the scene to keep the audience engaged and create a sense of anticipation.
Smooth out the transition between the intense courtroom drama and the casual conversation about a date to maintain the scene's coherence.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert