Scott pilgrim vs. the world

Executive Summary

Logline: A slacker musician must battle his new girlfriend's seven evil ex-boyfriends in order to win her heart and save the day. See other logline suggestoins

Pass/Consider/Recommend/Highly Recommend

This changed recently.

Recommend

Explanation: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is a highly entertaining and visually dynamic screenplay that blends elements of comedy, romance, and action into a cohesive and engaging narrative. The protagonist's emotional journey is well-developed, and the creative fight sequences are seamlessly integrated into the story. While the pacing could be tightened in a few sections and the supporting characters could be further explored, the screenplay's overall strengths make it a strong candidate for adaptation.

See Full Analysis

Overview

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Action, Fantasy, Drama, Music, Romantic Comedy, Coming-of-age, Musical

Setting: Contemporary, Toronto, Canada

Overview: The screenplay demonstrates strong originality and creativity with engaging characters and a compelling narrative structure. While there are areas for improvement in character transformations and emotional depth, the overall quality is commendable.

Themes: Romantic Relationships, Personal Growth and Identity, The Power of Music, Dealing with Evil Exes, The Battle of the Bands, Love Triangles, Friendship and Loyalty

Conflict and Stakes: Scott's quest to defeat Ramona's seven evil exes in order to win her heart. The stakes are high, as Scott must face each ex in a battle of the bands.

Overall Mood: The overall mood or tone of the screenplay is lighthearted and comedic, with some darker and more serious moments. The film's humor is often derived from the characters' quirky personalities and the absurd situations they find themselves in.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

Scene 1: The opening scene of the film is lighthearted and comedic, as Scott Pilgrim introduces himself and his band to the audience.

Scene 15: The scene where Scott Pilgrim confronts Gideon Graves is darker and more serious, as the stakes are raised and Scott must face his greatest challenge.

Standout Features:

Unique Hook: The film's unique premise, which blends elements of action, comedy, romance, and music, is its most distinctive feature.

Plot Twist : The revelation that Gideon Graves, Ramona's seventh evil ex, was controlling her mind through a chip implanted in her skull is a major plot twist.

Distinctive Setting : The film's setting in Toronto, Canada gives it a unique visual appeal and helps to distinguish it from other films in the genre.

Comparable Scripts:

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

500 Days of Summer

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Juno

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

High Fidelity

Adventureland

Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:The budget for this screenplay would likely be in the range of $20-30 million.

Target Audience Demographics: This screenplay is likely to appeal to a wide audience, including fans of action, comedy, romance, and music. The target audience would likely be young adults and adults aged 16-35.

Marketability: This screenplay has a lot of potential to be marketed to a wide audience. It has a unique and engaging concept, a great cast of characters, and a lot of action and humor. It is also based on a popular graphic novel series, which will give it a built-in fan base.

This screenplay is unique and has a lot of potential to appeal to a wide audience. The unique blend of genres and compelling themes, as well as the diverse cast, will give it a lot of appeal. However, the lack of well-known actors may make it difficult to market to a mainstream audience.

This is a well-written screenplay with compelling characters and plot. It will be marketed to a niche audience, but could have potential for a cult following.

Profit Potential: This screenplay has the potential to be very profitable. It has the potential to appeal to a wide audience and generate a lot of repeat business. It also has the potential to be adapted into a successful franchise.

Scene Level Percentiles

The screenplay exhibits strengths in dialogue and originality but would benefit from a more compelling plot and enhanced emotional impact. The writer's integrated writing style blends intuitive and conceptual elements, offering a unique perspective.

Script Level Percentiles

**The method of calculating these has just changed**
Characters: 7.6 See More
Premise: 7.9 See More
Structure: 8.1 See More
Theme: 8.4 See More
Visual Impact: 8.1 See More
Emotional Impact: 7.7 See More
Conflict: 8.4 See More
Originality: 8.2 See More

Emotions Elicited Percentiles

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."
This is a rough estimate of how the average intensity of emotions elicited in this script compare to all scripts in the Vault (all genres).
Higher isn't necessarily better. This is FYI.

Key Strengths

Strong dialogue, ranked in the 77th percentile, indicating effective character interactions and authentic conversations.
High originality, with an impressive 82.61% percentile, suggesting a unique and fresh story concept.

Areas for Improvement

Consider enhancing the emotional impact, currently at 27.54%, to resonate more deeply with the audience.
Focus on developing a more compelling plot, with a percentile of only 8.47%, ensuring a captivating storyline that drives the narrative.

Writer Style

The percentile scores suggest a blend of intuitive and conceptual writing styles. While dialogue and character development are strong, the lower percentiles in plot and concept indicate an opportunity to strengthen the narrative structure and overall story concept.

Balancing Elements

To enhance the screenplay's balance, consider elevating the emotional connection while maintaining the strong dialogue and originality.
Explore ways to integrate a more engaging plot that complements the well-developed characters and unique concept.

Intuition Level

Integrated

Overall Assessment

The screenplay showcases promising elements, particularly in dialogue and originality, offering a solid foundation to build upon. By addressing the areas for improvement and refining the balance of various elements, the writer can enhance the screenplay's overall potential.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Script Conflict	8.40	93	Memento: 8.30	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 8.40
Scene Pacing	8.60	89	Pirates of the Caribbean: 8.58	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 8.60
Script Visual Impact	8.10	77	Ex-Machina: 8.00	Blade Runner: 8.10
Overall Script	8.30	77	12 years a slave: 8.29	the black list (TV): 8.30
Scene Dialogue	8.1	72	Parasite: 8.0	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.1
Script Structure	8.10	71	Jojo rabbit: 8.00	Titanic: 8.10
Script Originality	8.20	70	The Brutalist: 8.10	Rambo: 8.20
Script Theme	8.40	66	Memento: 8.30	Titanic: 8.40
Scene Originality	8.81	65	The Wolf of Wall Street: 8.80	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 8.81
Scene Engagement	8.98	61	Parasite: 8.97	Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.98
Scene Characters	8.3	45	Argo: 8.2	Erin Brokovich: 8.3
Script Emotional Impact	7.70	39	The Brutalist: 7.60	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 7.70
Script Premise	7.90	39	Zootopia: 7.80	fight Club: 7.90
Scene Story Forward	7.9	34	Jojo rabbit: 7.8	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 7.9
Scene External Goal	7.12	34	Easy A: 7.11	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 7.12
Scene Unpredictability	7.30	33	The shining: 7.29	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 7.30
Scene Concept	8.0	30	Poor Things: 7.9	a few good men: 8.0
Scene Character Changes	6.6	29	Fleabag: 6.5	glass Onion Knives Out : 6.6
Scene Conflict Level	7.0	28	Amadeus: 6.9	Boyz n the hood: 7.0
Script Structure	8.05	22	Blackkklansman: 8.04	Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 8.05
Scene Internal Goal	8.00	20	KILLING ZOE: 7.98	fight Club: 8.00
Script Characters	7.60	19	Witness: 7.50	severance (TV): 7.60
Scene High Stakes	6.4	17	A Complete Unknown: 6.3	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 6.4
Scene Emotional Impact	7.1	15	Zootopia: 7.0	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 7.1
Scene Overall	8.1	15	Swingers: 8.0	Erin Brokovich: 8.1
Scene Plot	7.4	12	Ted: 7.3	the pursuit of happyness: 7.4
Scene Formatting	7.93	5	Psycho: 7.90	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 7.93

Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's unique voice is characterized by witty dialogue, quirky character interactions, and a blend of humor and introspection. This voice is consistent throughout the screenplay and contributes to the overall mood, themes, and depth of the story.

Best representation: Scene 7 - Awkward Encounters. Scene 7 is the best representation of the writer's unique voice because it perfectly captures the blend of humor, wit, and introspection that characterizes the screenplay as a whole. The dialogue is sharp and funny, but it also reveals the characters' deeper insecurities and vulnerabilities. This scene is a perfect example of how the writer's voice can be used to create a story that is both entertaining and emotionally resonant.

Memorable Lines:

Scott: I'm in lesbians with you. (Scene 36)
Scott: You once were a vegone, but now you will be gone! (Scene 31)
Matthew Patel: Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew Patel. Consider our fight...begun! (Scene 16)
Mystery Attacker: You punched me in the boob. Prepare to die, obviously. (Scene 25)
Scott: WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET SAD AND STUFF! (Scene 35)

Writing Style:

The screenplay showcases a blend of humor, wit, and quirky elements, with a strong emphasis on character dynamics and dialogue-driven storytelling. It effectively weaves together different genres and styles, including comedy, action, romance, and fantasy, creating a unique and engaging narrative experience.

Style Similarities:

Edgar Wright
Quentin Tarantino
Diablo Cody

Other Similarities: The screenplay also incorporates elements of surrealism and dreamlike sequences, which add a unique and imaginative layer to the narrative. The use of music and pop culture references further enhances the screenplay's overall style and creates a sense of authenticity and relatability.

Story Shape

Emotions Elicited

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is a highly entertaining and visually dynamic screenplay that blends elements of comedy, romance, and action into a cohesive and engaging narrative. The protagonist's emotional journey is well-developed, and the creative fight sequences are seamlessly integrated into the story. While the pacing could be tightened in a few sections and the supporting characters could be further explored, the screenplay's overall strengths make it a strong candidate for adaptation.

Strengths

Strong character development and emotional journey for the protagonist, Scott Pilgrim, as he navigates his relationships and confronts his past. high ( Scene 16 (28) )
Engaging and creative fight sequences that are integrated with the narrative and character arcs. high ( Scene 15 (25-28) )
Consistent tone and style that seamlessly blends elements of comedy, romance, and action throughout the screenplay. high ( Scene 1-14 )
Satisfying resolution that ties up character arcs and provides a sense of closure, while leaving room for further exploration. high ( Scene 35-43 )
Unique and genre-blending narrative structure that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story. high ( Scene 1-43 )

Areas of Improvement

Occasional pacing issues, with some sections feeling slightly rushed or uneven in their delivery of information. medium ( Scene 29-34 )
The breakup between Scott and Knives could be handled with more nuance and emotional depth. medium ( Scene 19 )

MissingElements

The screenplay could benefit from more exploration of the side characters' motivations and backstories, particularly the Katayanagi Twins and the other evil exes. medium

NotablePoints

The dream sequence and Scott's journey of self-discovery are visually striking and thematically significant. high ( Scene 40 (99) )
The seamless integration of video game and comic book aesthetics into the narrative is a standout element of the screenplay. high ( Scene 1-43 )
The dynamic between Scott and his roommate Wallace provides both comedic relief and emotional support for the protagonist. medium ( Scene 9 (24) )

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Screenplay Insights:

Characters: 7.6, The screenplay demonstrates a solid foundation in character development, with compelling arcs and growth for various characters. However, there are opportunities to enhance the complexity, consistency, and relatability of certain characters to further engage the audience and strengthen the screenplay's emotional impact. See More

Premise: 7.9, The screenplay's premise effectively sets up an intriguing narrative with a compelling central conflict and a diverse cast of engaging characters. However, it could enhance its originality and clarity by further differentiating itself from similar concepts and establishing the stakes and motivations of the main characters more explicitly. See More

Structure: 8.1, **Scott Pilgrim vs. the World** script presents a well-structured and engaging plot that effectively employs episodic storytelling to drive the narrative. The screenplay successfully balances humor, action, and emotional depth, maintaining a consistent pace and building tension throughout its runtime. However, there are opportunities to refine certain plot elements and character arcs to enhance the overall impact and emotional resonance of the story. See More

Theme: 8.4, The screenplay effectively conveys its central themes of self-discovery, growth, and the importance of authentic connections. It explores these themes through engaging characters and a compelling narrative, leaving a lasting impact on the audience. See More

Visual Impact: 8.1, The screenplay offers a visually appealing and energetic approach to storytelling, with vivid descriptions and creative use of visual elements. It effectively captures the essence of the genre and provides a strong foundation for a visually engaging cinematic experience. See More

Emotional Impact: 7.7, The screenplay showcases a strong foundation for eliciting emotional responses through its engaging characters and relatable storylines. However, there are opportunities to enhance the emotional depth by refining character motivations and reinforcing emotional stakes. See More

Conflict: 8.4, The screenplay effectively utilizes conflict and stakes to build tension and drive audience engagement. The central conflict, Scott's journey to defeat Ramona's seven evil exes, is clear and compelling, and the personal stakes for both Scott and Ramona are significant. The conflict is well-integrated into the narrative, influencing plot and character development, and the stakes are successfully escalated throughout the film. However, the resolution could be more satisfying and consistent with the established stakes. See More

Originality: 8.2, This screenplay showcases notable originality and creativity, particularly in its blend of genres and the compelling narrative structure that unfolds through the eyes of its distinct characters. The film effectively navigates multiple genres, combining elements of romance, comedy, drama, and action to create a captivating and immersive experience. See More

Summary In this screenplay, Scott Pilgrim navigates through various challenges in his relationships with high school girl Knives Chau and love interest Ramona Flowers. Tensions arise among his friends and bandmates as he grapples with his feelings for both women. Along the way, he must confront Ramona's seven evil exes in epic battles that test his strength and determination. Through these trials, Scott learns valuable lessons about love, friendship, and self-improvement. Ultimately, he chooses to pursue a future with Ramona, leaving behind the past and embarking on a new chapter in his life.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay presents a well-developed and engaging plot that effectively blends elements of action, comedy, and romance. The story follows Scott Pilgrim's journey as he navigates his relationships and confronts his personal demons. The plot is structured in a manner that maintains a good pace and keeps the audience invested in the characters' arcs. The romantic relationships are believable and complex, with well-developed chemistry between the characters. The humor is well-integrated into the story, providing comedic relief without overshadowing the emotional core of the screenplay. Overall, the plot/story of the screenplay is a strong point, effectively engaging the audience and keeping them invested in the characters' journeys.

Suggestions: Consider exploring Scott Pilgrim's internal struggles and motivations in more depth. Delve into his past experiences and personal beliefs to provide a deeper understanding of his actions and decisions. Additionally, explore the dynamics between the characters further, highlighting their relationships and interactions to create a more nuanced and emotionally resonant story.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The beginning of the screenplay effectively introduces the main characters and establishes the central conflict. The dialogue is natural and engaging, allowing the audience to quickly connect with Scott Pilgrim and his bandmates. The premise of the story is intriguing, presenting a unique and imaginative world that captures the attention of the audience. The pacing is well-balanced, providing enough exposition to set the stage without overwhelming the audience with information.

Suggestions: Consider expanding on the introduction of Scott Pilgrim's bandmates. Provide more background information and establish their individual personalities to make them more memorable and relatable to the audience. Additionally, explore the relationship between Scott and Knives Chau in more depth, highlighting their initial attraction and the challenges they face as they navigate their age difference and cultural differences.

Middle The middle part of the screenplay maintains the momentum established in the beginning, offering a series of engaging and entertaining scenes. The introduction of Ramona Flowers adds a new layer of complexity to the story, and the conflicts that arise between Scott and his ex-girlfriends create tension and drive the plot forward. The pacing is well-balanced, allowing for both character development and action sequences.

Suggestions: Consider exploring the motivations of Scott's ex-girlfriends in more depth. Delve into their past relationships with Scott and the reasons behind their desire to defeat him. Additionally, explore the consequences of Scott's actions, highlighting the impact they have on his relationships and personal growth.

Ending The ending of the screenplay provides a satisfying resolution to the central conflict while leaving room for further exploration in future installments. The final confrontation between Scott and Gideon Graves is well-executed, providing a thrilling and emotionally resonant climax. The resolution of the romantic relationships is believable and emotionally satisfying, leaving the audience with a sense of closure and hope.

Suggestions: Consider expanding on the epilogue to provide a glimpse into the future of the characters. Explore how their experiences have shaped their lives and the paths they choose to take. Additionally, consider exploring the themes of love, loss, and redemption in more depth, highlighting the emotional journey of the characters and the lessons they learn along the way.

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Scott - Score: 85/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENFP
Enneagram: 4

Scenes

Strongest: #49
Weakest: #10

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

A slacker grappling with love and maturity.

Complexity And Depth 9/10

A flawed character with deep emotional conflicts.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Scott undergoes significant development, learning to confront his flaws.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Scott's dialogue is marked by humor, uncertainty, and vulnerability.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Scott's choices often stem from immaturity and desire for acceptance.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Scott has complex relationships that drive much of the plot.

Scene Impact 9/10

Scott's presence greatly influences the scenes he participates in.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Scott serves as the central protagonist navigating love and self-discovery.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Scott's journey is a microcosm of the larger themes of love and maturity.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Scott's journey elicits sympathy and nostalgic recognition.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Scott Pilgrim is a 22-year-old slacker living in Toronto, caught between immaturity and the desire for growth. He is soon to find himself in a convoluted romantic situation involving teenage Knives Chau and the more complex Ramona Flowers. Scott values friendships and music but struggles with commitment and emotional maturity, which shapes his relationships and experiences in the story.

Values And Beliefs: Friendship, music, love, and personal growth.

Strengths And Skills: Bass guitar playing, charm, determination.

Suggestions

Explore Scott's motivations regarding his romantic relationships more deeply.
Enhance his passion for music to show how it influences his life decisions.

Follow-up Questions

What does Scott truly seek in his relationship with Ramona?
How does his immaturity affect his friendships throughout the story?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 9

Scott faces several internal conflicts, primarily stemming from his fear of rejection and emotional baggage from past relationships. His inability to mature fully and take responsibility for his actions leads to the string of events where he juggles Knives and Ramona, reflecting his ongoing struggle between childish desires and adult realities. This impact is further revealed when he confronts his mistakes and the consequences they bring to those around him.

Character Wound: Fear of rejection and emotional immaturity.

Character Flaws: Insecurity, miscommunication, irresponsibility.

Suggestions

Develop scenes that explore Scott's regret over his emotional actions.
Illuminate his growth process to show how he learns from these conflicts.

Follow-up Questions

What specific experiences from Scott's past contribute to his current insecurities?
How does Scott's emotional state affect his decision-making in critical scenes?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Over the course of the screenplay, Scott’s encounters with the league of evil exes catalyze a process of self-reflection. He progresses from a self-centered teenager to someone who values self-improvement, relationships, and the concept of love. His journey is highlighted by both the humorous situations he finds himself in and the critical lessons he learns about honesty and integrity in relationships.

Polarity Changes: Starts as an immature slacker and transitions towards growth and responsibility.

Transformation Triggers: Confrontations with his exes and revealing moments with Ramona and Knives.

Suggestions

Enhance scenes that depict Scott’s realization of his shortcomings.
Tighten the narrative around Scott's confrontations to produce more impactful turning points.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moment marks Scott's biggest turning point in maturity?
How do Scott's relationships influence his evolution throughout the film?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Scott's speech patterns reflect his insecure yet charming personality. He often uses humor as a defense mechanism, which adds depth to his interactions. His dialogue evolves as he faces the realities of his romantic entanglements, transitioning from immature banter to heartfelt confessions, which illustrates his growing maturity throughout the screenplay.

Unique Voice: Humorous, often awkward, and self-deprecating with pop culture references.

Suggestions

Integrate more moments where Scott's humor clashes with serious situations.
Show case when he struggles to articulate his emotions effectively.

Follow-up Questions

What aspects of Scott's dialogues reveal his emotional growth?
How does Scott's humor help or hinder his relationships?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Scott's decisions, such as dating a high schooler and juggling two relationships, reflect his immaturity and fear of commitment. His journey through the story forces him to confront the consequences of these choices and ultimately lead him to self-discovery and the need to become a better person – not just for himself but for those he cares about.

Motivations: Desire to prove himself and be in a successful relationship.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires for love and acceptance conflict with his need to grow up and take responsibility.

Suggestions

Clarify Scott's motivations for his choices, especially in romantic contexts.
Highlight key moments where he recognizes the impact of his behavior on others.

Follow-up Questions

What specific actions does Scott take that illustrate his immaturity?
In what ways do Scott's choices produce conflict in his relationships?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Scott’s interactions with Knives and Ramona reveal his character's fragility and growth. His romantic entanglements are marked by immaturity, misunderstanding, and evolving feelings that ultimately lead to conflict forces Scott to confront his vulnerabilities. These relationships serve as mirrors, reflecting his journey toward emotional maturity and self-acceptance.

Suggestions

Further develop scenes showing Scott's emotional investments in each relationship.
Focus on the contrasting dynamics between Scott's relationships with Knives and Ramona.

Follow-up Questions

How do Scott's relationships with Knives and Ramona differ in terms of emotional impact?
What does each relationship reveal about Scott's character at different points in the story?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

In scenes where Scott is active, he drives the narrative forward with humor, conflict, and emotional depth. His interactions often shift the emotional tone of a scene, whether it’s light-hearted banter or tense confrontations with exes. His growth and realizations culminate in climactic moments that resonate with audiences, heightening the stakes for his character arc.

Suggestions

Explore ways to maximize Scott’s emotional revelations in critical scenes.
Ensure Scott's pivotal moments serve as turning points in the narrative.

Follow-up Questions

What moments showcase Scott's ability to change the course of a scene?
How can Scott's internal struggles be more vividly portrayed in key scenes?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

As the main character, Scott exemplifies a typical underdog journey, battling external and internal conflicts. His narrative role as a protagonist serves as a lens for exploring themes of love, maturity, and self-acceptance, making his journey relatable for the audience. He represents the struggle between youthful recklessness and the responsibility that comes with growing up.

Symbolic Role: The everyman fighting for love and personal growth.

Suggestions

Strengthen Scott's symbolic role through every encounter with exes.
Identify and clarify moments where he subverts typical protagonist expectations.

Follow-up Questions

How does Scott's journey challenge traditional notions of a romantic hero?
What specific scenes reinforce or contradict Scott's role as the protagonist?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Scott’s battles against the League of Evil Exes symbolize his internal struggles with love, trust, and personal growth. His character arc reflects the overarching narrative themes of learning from past relationships, confronting emotional baggage, and evolving through adversity. The choices he makes ultimately reinforce the story’s central ideas about love and self-discovery versus avoidance and fear.

Suggestions

Highlight thematic elements through Scott's interactions with his rivals.
Deepen connections between his personal challenges and the overall message of the screenplay.

Follow-up Questions

How do Scott’s conflicts embody the larger themes of the story?
What moments best illustrate the theme of growth through adversity in Scott’s journey?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Scott's journey resonates emotionally with the audience, as they witness his growth and the trials of young love. His humorous yet often awkward attempts at relationships create a relatable experience, engaging viewers on a deeper level. The emotional beats tied to Scott’s character evoke sympathy, particularly in moments of vulnerability and self-reflection.

Emotional Impact: Scott evokes a mix of sympathy, humor, and tension throughout.

Suggestions

Utilize more emotionally charged dialogue to enhance Scott's resonance.
Focus on pivotal moments revealing Scott's vulnerability.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes would viewers connect with emotionally regarding Scott?
How does Scott's emotional journey affect audience engagement?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfp

Scott exhibits strong extroverted traits, showing enthusiasm and passion, particularly in his relationships and music. He also demonstrates perceptive, feeling-oriented characteristics, often torn between his emotions and desires.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: esfp (60%)

Suggestions

Use Scott’s playful nature to deepen his character's engagements with others.
Highlight the ENFP traits through more spontaneous actions and responses.

Follow-up Questions

How do Scott's personality traits shape his relationships throughout the screenplay?
In what ways does his ENFP nature serve as a strength or a weakness?

Enneagram: 4

Scott’s quest for identity and uniqueness alongside his struggles with self-doubt and emotional expression aligns closely with Enneagram Type 4 characteristics, showcasing a depth of feelings and desire to be understood.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: 7 (50%)

Suggestions

Explore Scott's emotional depth with specific interactions that emphasize his core type.
Showcase how his Enneagram type influences his decisions in romantic situations.

Follow-up Questions

How could Scott’s Enneagram type alter its course as the narrative unfolds?
What emotional struggles stemming from his type can be further explored?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (49)

Scott fights against Matthew Patel, showcasing his courage and determination.

Why: This scene captures the essence of Scott's growth and ability to confront his past, melding humor and heroism.

Weakest Scene (10)

Scott's conversations at the library with Knives reveal significant immaturity in his feelings.

Why: This scene emphasizes his struggle with relating to someone younger, showcasing a lack of depth and understanding of emotional relationships.

Suggestions:

Deepen Scott's inner thoughts to illustrate his changing sentiments.
Utilize humor to create tension and highlight his immaturity in handling relationships.

Ramona - Score: 85/100

Role

Love interest

Personality

MBTI: ENFP

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

A complex character balancing allure and detachment.

Complexity And Depth 9/10

Struggles with past hurts and the desire for connection.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Ramona's character undergoes significant growth from aloofness to openness.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Ramona's dialogue is sharp, witty, and often layered with subtext.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Ramona's actions reflect her struggle between independence and vulnerability.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Ramona's relationships are central to her character development.

Scene Impact 9/10

Ramona's presence shifts emotional tones and drives action.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Ramona fulfills the role of the love interest with complexity.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Ramona's journey integrates seamlessly with the screenplay's major themes.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Evokes complex emotions through her struggles and growth.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Ramona represents a complex mixture of allure and detachment. She is known for her colorful hair, which changes frequently, symbolizing her transient nature. Throughout the story, Ramona’s pursuit of freedom and avoidance of emotional entanglements define her character. Her previous relationships with a league of evil ex-boyfriends have left her cautious and burdened, as she grapples with the shadows of her past while seeking a genuine connection. This balance between her desire for independence and her underlying loneliness is critical in shaping her interactions and relationships.

Values And Beliefs: Independence, freedom, avoidance of emotional attachment

Strengths And Skills: Charismatic, assertive, resourceful

Suggestions

Explore her backstory further to deepen her emotional conflicts.
Add more scenes illustrating her internal struggle with love and commitment.

Follow-up Questions

What past experiences have shaped Ramona’s views on relationships?
How does her character growth reflect broader themes of love and independence?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 9

Ramona struggles with feelings of inadequacy and guilt stemming from her failed relationships. She is aware of the repercussions her past has on her present interactions, particularly with Scott and Knives. These emotional layers make her more relatable and add depth to her character, as she often oscillates between seeking connection and retreating into her emotional shell. This inherent conflict drives her decisions, especially her eventual choice to step away from Scott to protect him and herself.

Character Wound: Fear of emotional entanglement and abandonment

Character Flaws: Avoidance, indecisiveness

Suggestions

Further illustrate her emotional wounds through cinematic flashbacks.
Show her interactions with her exes to highlight her growth.

Follow-up Questions

What specific events in her past contribute to her current fears?
How does she define her identity outside of her relationships?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Throughout the screenplay, Ramona transitions from being a distant and somewhat hermetic figure to someone more open and vulnerable, especially in the face of her past. Events with Gideon and Scott catalyze this transformation, ultimately leading her to confront her emotional fears and desires. However, this growth does not come without costs, particularly as she considers the implications of her past on her present relationships. By the end, her choices reflect a newfound clarity about what she wants in life and love.

Polarity Changes: Her relationship with Scott leads to a journey of self-discovery yet also a painful separation.

Transformation Triggers: Confrontations with her past exes and her evolving feelings for Scott.

Suggestions

Emphasize her realizations through internal dialogue or reflective moments.
Highlight her decision-making process to show her growth more explicitly.

Follow-up Questions

Does she feel more empowered by the end of the story?
What specific choices does she make that signify her change?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Her dialogue often reflects a mixture of humor and vulnerability, engaging the audience while shielding her true feelings. Ramona's speech patterns reveal her whimsical nature yet also hint at her complicated emotional landscape. Over time, as she becomes more comfortable with Scott and her situation, her speech relaxes, showing her increasing trust and yearning for connection. This evolution in how she communicates serves as a powerful mirror to her character arc.

Unique Voice: Quirky, sarcastic, with an undercurrent of vulnerability.

Suggestions

Incorporate more candid moments where she reveals her emotions.
Add scenes where her dialogue shows a defensive side when confronted.

Follow-up Questions

How does her unique voice evolve as her relationship with Scott develops?
What specific lines illustrate her shift from aloof to open?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Her choices throughout the screenplay, such as engaging with Scott and ultimately stepping back, are driven by a complex mixture of desire for intimacy and a fear of repeating past mistakes. While she seeks a connection with Scott, her choices often reflect her defensive mechanisms built from previous relationships, leading her to push people away at critical moments. This behavior creates tension in her relationships and illuminates her internal conflicts.

Motivations: To find genuine connection while also protecting herself from past pain.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires emotional connection, needs to confront her past to move forward.

Suggestions

Focus on showing her internal dialogue during key moments of choice.
Include more reaction shots to depict her emotional state.

Follow-up Questions

At what point does she feel the most conflicting emotions about her relationships?
How do her choices impact her long-term happiness?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Her connection with Scott brings a blend of charm and complication. Ramona navigates the intricate dynamics of her past with her exes while forging a potential new bond with Scott. This interplay showcases her struggle to balance her desire for love against her fear of entanglement. Additionally, her contentious relationship with Knives introduces an interesting rivalry aspect, as they both vie for Scott's affections, yet it ultimately unearths deeper character development moments, like Knives' growth and Ramona’s reflections on her past.

Suggestions

Introduce more scenes illustrating her conflicted feelings towards Knives.
Deepen the tension in her dynamic with Scott during pivotal moments.

Follow-up Questions

How do her relationships reflect her larger struggles with identity?
What do her relationships reveal about her capacity for change?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Her appearances often heighten tension, add emotional depth, and catalyze actions among other characters. Not only does she represent a love interest for Scott, but she also embodies the themes of past versus present love as seen through the reactions of Scott and Knives. Each scene she’s in, particularly during conflict with her exes, adds significant stakes and emotional weight. Her decisions impact Scott’s actions, propelling him towards personal growth.

Suggestions

Increase her interactions in scenes of conflict to show her influence.
Add her perspective in collective scenes to enhance multilayered experiences.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes best highlight her impact on the narrative?
How does her presence shape others' choices in critical moments?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

Ramona's role evolves throughout the screenplay; initially appearing as the object of desire, she becomes a catalyst for transformation in both Scott and herself. This journey traverses a path of understanding both emotional baggage and the potential for new beginnings. Her symbolic function balances themes of love, self-image, and the importance of confronting one's past for a better future.

Symbolic Role: Embodiment of past trauma and future potential in romance.

Suggestions

Clarify her motivations to better align with her role as a love interest.
Deepen her narrative significance by highlighting moments where she challenges or supports Scott.

Follow-up Questions

How does her role contrast the expectations of typical love interests?
In what ways does she redefine romantic archetypes in the screenplay?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Her story intertwines intricately with the overarching themes of love, identity, and personal growth. As Scott confronts his feelings for her, Ramona's evolution from a detached figure to one more engaged with her emotions further reinforces the story's exploration of mature love amidst past scars. The themes of self-acceptance and emotional growth are evident in her interactions, and her journey ultimately highlights the importance of overcoming disillusionment to achieve true intimacy.

Suggestions

Strengthen her narrative arc to emphasize her growth alongside Scott’s.
Incorporate additional layers that connect her choices to the central thematic assertions.

Follow-up Questions

What key scenes reflect the intertwining of her journey with thematic elements?
How does her experience contribute to the film's commentary on love?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Ramona effectively elicits a range of emotional responses in the audience, from sympathy during her struggles to admiration as she confronts her exes and her issues with Scott. Her complexity evokes audience reflections on personal relationships, love, and the scars that shape our identities. Each high and low she experiences plays a pivotal role in engaging viewers, making her emotional journey resonate deeply throughout the narrative.

Emotional Impact: Creates tension and empathy, symbolizing struggle and growth.

Suggestions

Enhance emotional beats through inner monologues or poignant silences.
Showcase her vulnerabilities in more scenes to deepen audience connection.

Follow-up Questions

Which scenes had the most emotional weight connected to Ramona?
How does her vulnerability enhance the viewer's engagement with her character?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfp

Ramona fits the ENFP type as her spontaneous nature, charisma, and emotional complexity depict a strong alignment with this personality. Her tendency towards emotional depth and seeking authentic connections reflects the idealistic side of this type, even as she grapples with her past.

Confidence: 85%

Possible Alternative Type: infp (15%)

Suggestions

Consider ways to integrate her idealistic traits further into moments of decision-making.
Emphasize interactions that showcase her values, expressive nature, and depth of feeling.

Follow-up Questions

How do her introverted moments contrast with her extroverted endeavors?
What does her personality type indicate about potential conflicts or resolutions in her relationships?

Knives - Score: 78/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ESFJ
Enneagram: 2 - The Helper

Scenes

Strongest: #7
Weakest: #10

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Teenager with an innocent admiration for Scott.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Emotionally complex, dealing with love, jealousy, and heartbreak.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 8/10

Knives undergoes growth, transitioning from naivety to a stronger self-identity.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Knives’ dialogue reflects innocence and youthful exuberance.

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Motivated by love and loyalty, her choices reflect both passion and immaturity.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Knives has complicated relationships with Scott and Ramona, showcasing themes of love and rivalry.

Scene Impact 8/10

Knives’ presence adds tension and reveals emotional stakes.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Knives serves as a love interest and catalyst for change.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Knives’ arc enhances themes of love, growth, and self-discovery.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Evokes sympathy and emotional investment, illustrating the trials of youth.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Knives Chau is a 17-year-old high school girl who is initially portrayed as innocent and eager to please. Her foundational traits include a strong admiration for Scott, her first boyfriend, and a youthful naivety about relationships. These qualities shape her approach towards love, making her both devoted and vulnerable as she navigates her feelings for Scott amidst the presence of his previous and current relationships.

Values And Beliefs: Love is idealistic and pure; strong dedication to her feelings.

Strengths And Skills: Loyalty, enthusiasm, a passion for music, and a naïve belief in fairy-tale love stories.

Suggestions

Develop her backstory to explore the depth of her feelings for Scott.
Create moments where her loyalty is tested, revealing inner strength.

Follow-up Questions

What does Knives' character arc say about young love?
How does she grow or change as a result of her relationship with Scott?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Knives exhibits emotional complexity as she grapples with heartbreak and jealousy. Her obsession with Scott, despite being a secondary character, often leads her to act impulsively and defensively, particularly when she perceives romantic threats. This reveals a layer of vulnerability beneath her cheerful exterior, indicating that she is capable of deep emotional pain stemming from betrayal and rejection.

Character Wound: Fear of abandonment and rejection.

Character Flaws: Jealousy, impulsiveness, and possible immaturity in handling relationships.

Suggestions

Incorporate more scenes that explore her feelings of jealousy significantly.
Demonstrate moments where her impulsiveness leads to both comedic and serious consequences.

Follow-up Questions

What specific incidents trigger her emotional wounds?
How can we show her desire to be independent despite her feelings for Scott?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 8

Throughout the story, Knives transitions from being infatuated with Scott to confronting the reality of their relationship. The turning point occurs when she fights for her relationship with Scott and ultimately redirects her focus towards self-growth after realizing she deserves better than being a rebound.

Polarity Changes: Starts as a naive girlfriend, experiences heartbreak, and ultimately emerges empowered.

Transformation Triggers: The realization that her relationship with Scott was based on betrayal leads her to redefine her sense of self.

Suggestions

Highlight her independent choices post-breakup with visual montages of her exploring her interests.
Show more interactions between Knives and her friends that reinforce her self-worth.

Follow-up Questions

What does Knives' journey say about self-identity and young love?
How can her growth be showcased in her interactions with other characters?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Knives’ speech often contains a mix of teenage optimism and the naïveté of someone who has not yet faced the harsh realities of love. This is especially evident in her playful banter with Scott and her dramatic reactions to perceived romantic rivalries.

Unique Voice: Speak with youthful enthusiasm, and express her emotions directly, often with a hint of melodrama.

Suggestions

Introduce more lines that reveal her interests outside of Scott to diversify her dialogue.
Incorporate more humor in her interactions, juxtaposing her serious moments.

Follow-up Questions

How can her language evolve as she gains emotional maturity?
What kind of humor fits well with her character to showcase her youthful spirit?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 7

Knives continually seeks validation and affection from Scott, often to the detriment of her self-esteem. Her choices frequently reflect her immaturity, as she struggles to process jealousy and heartbreak.

Motivations: Her love for Scott drives her actions and reactions throughout the story.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires to be loved by Scott, but needs to find self-acceptance and independence.

Suggestions

Create situations where Knives must make choices based on self-respect rather than emotional impulse.
Show the consequences of her decisions to reinforce her growth.

Follow-up Questions

What guiding principles will Knives learn that might help her make better choices?
How can other characters influence or challenge her behavior throughout the story?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Her relationships are primarily defined by her infatuation with Scott and her rivalry with Ramona. These dynamics reveal the intensity of young love, where emotional stakes are high and rivalries can emerge swiftly. Knives’ growth is evident in her interactions that transition from infatuation to a more nuanced understanding of self-worth.

Suggestions

Deepen the complexity of her bond with Scott by introducing an emotional conflict in their relationship.
Elevate the emotional stakes in her rivalry with Ramona by showcasing direct confrontations.

Follow-up Questions

What pivotal moment can define the turn in Knives' relationship with Scott?
How can Knives' interactions with Ramona contribute to both characters' growth?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Her actions influence key scenes, especially where romantic dynamics unfold, effectively heightening the emotional stakes. In her confrontations, she adds tension, which propels the narrative forward as characters are forced to reckon with their feelings.

Suggestions

Create scenes where Knives is a passive observer, then shift to her actively influencing the outcome.
Consider using her more sparingly to make her impactful appearances resonate more.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways can her absence sharpen existing tensions?
Which scenes heavily rely on her reactions to enhance emotional weight?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

While Knives initially serves as Scott’s girlfriend, her role evolves as she experiences heartbreak and jealousy. This transformation from a side character to a self-assured individual emphasizes her symbolic role within the narrative.

Symbolic Role: Represents youthful love and the growth pains that come with it.

Suggestions

Emphasize her evolution through contrasting scenes depicting her innocence and later empowerment.
Challenge her by placing her in situations that push her towards growing beyond her original role.

Follow-up Questions

How can Knives’ character subtly shift audience perceptions towards young love?
What elements of her journey reinforce her status as a relatable character for youths?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Her journey mirrors key themes throughout the screenplay, emphasizing the complexities of love and the importance of self-worth. Her experiences contribute to the overall narrative tension while reinforcing the message that love often involves pain and growth.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where her choices reflect the thematic essence of growth over romantic attachment.
Establish her scenes with a focus on personal change, emphasizing development over romance.

Follow-up Questions

How does Knives’ character reflect the potential for growth post-heartbreak?
In what ways can her choices underscore the film's commentary on young love?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Knives embodies the emotional rollercoaster associated with teenage love. Her behaviors, from fervent devotion to painful jealousy, evoke strong reactions in the audience. The warmth of her innocence connects with viewers while her heartbreak resonates deeply, illustrating the turbulent nature of growing up.

Emotional Impact: Elicits sympathy and often frustration, highlighting the intensity of first love.

Suggestions

Incorporate more scenes that explicitly show her emotional growth to heighten audience connection.
Use visual and audio cues in scenes with her to amplify emotional moments.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes can be enhanced to elevate emotional stakes and connect with the audience more?
How can Knives’ internal struggles reflect broader messages in the screenplay?

Personality Types

MBTI: esfj

Knives exhibits extroverted criteria through her love for social interactions and her eager approach to her relationships. Her sensitive and caring nature aligns with the feeling aspect, and her adherence to social norms suggests a judging personality.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: enfj (70%)

Suggestions

Utilize ESFJ traits to emphasize her proactive nature in nurturing relationships.
Explore her extroverted tendencies through her social circles and friendships.

Follow-up Questions

How do Knives' ESFJ characteristics influence her relationships with Scott and Ramona?
What events could challenge her extroversion and force her to introspect?

Enneagram: 2 - the helper

Knives tends to put others' needs before her own, especially in her relationship with Scott. Her desire to be loved and liked aligns with the Helper type, often leading to submissive behavior in romantic situations.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: 3 - the achiever (60%)

Suggestions

Highlight her Helper traits by showcasing her nurturing actions and emotional support.
Contrast these traits with moments of self-assertion to deepen her character development.

Follow-up Questions

What key moments can illustrate the struggle between her Helper instincts and self-identity?
How can other characters impact her behavior and shift her Enneagram type as the story progresses?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (7)

During her fight to protect Scott from Gideon, Knives displays unexpected bravery and determination.

Why: This scene encapsulates her growth, showing her ability to stand up for herself and her feelings, illustrating a major character development moment.

Weakest Scene (10)

In the scene where Scott and Knives go to the Catholic school, Knives seems overly simplistic, lacking depth.

Why: Her interactions are brief and do not showcase her emotional complexity, making her character feel flat.

Suggestions:

Add internal monologue to reveal her feelings of insecurity in Scott's presence.
Encourage more interaction with her friends that compares her feelings to their insights.

Young - Score: 50/100

Personality

MBTI: ESFP
Enneagram: 7

Scenes

Strongest: #4

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 5/10

Young Neil is the comedic, laid-back younger friend.

Complexity And Depth 4/10

Young Neil lacks depth but provides social context.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 3/10

Young Neil remains static, serving mainly as comic relief and a supporting character.

Dialogue And Voice 6/10

Young Neil's dialogue reflects his casual and comedic nature.

Behavior And Choices 5/10

Young Neil often participates passively in group dynamics without taking strong leadership roles.

Relationship Dynamics 6/10

Young Neil is part of the friend dynamic with Scott, Kim, and Stephen, often experiencing the drama indirectly.

Scene Impact 5/10

Young Neil's impact centers around comic relief and supporting the group coherence.

Role Fulfillment 5/10

Young Neil functions primarily as a comedic foil and the friend who doesn’t delve deep.

Thematic Plot Integration 5/10

Young Neil's lightheartedness contrasts with deeper themes of conflict and growth.

Emotional Resonance 6/10

Young Neil evokes laughter and lightness amidst heaviness.

Foundational Definition

Score: 5

Young Neil serves as a laid-back and somewhat goofy member of Scott Pilgrim's friend group. He often appears a bit clueless compared to the others but provides comic relief and a sense of normalcy amid the drama that unfolds. His youthful demeanor reflects his status as a younger friend trying to navigate the complexities of adult interactions and relationships.

Values And Beliefs: Young Neil seems to value friendship and fun, as evidenced by his casual attitude towards the group's dynamics and his enjoyment of video games.

Strengths And Skills: He shows an ability to engage with others and diffuse tense moments with humor, adding levity to the group.

Suggestions

Explore Young Neil's backstory to give context to his laid-back nature.
Consider developing scenes where his skills in gaming or music come into play, enhancing his character arc.

Follow-up Questions

What motivates Young Neil to stay with Scott and the group despite the chaos?
Does he have deeper ambitions or goals that remain unexplored?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 4

Young Neil lacks significant depth compared to the main characters, often remaining on the periphery of serious conflicts. However, his presence adds to the social dynamics and offers a contrast to Scott's more tumultuous experiences.

Character Flaws: He can be oblivious to the more serious issues surrounding him, which may hinder his ability to connect with the emotional experiences of others.

Suggestions

Introduce moments where Young Neil's obliviosity leads to unexpected insights or solutions.
Implement scenes that reveal any vulnerabilities he might face, adding nuance to his character.

Follow-up Questions

How does Young Neil feel about Scott's romantic issues?
Could he evolve into a more crucial role in the group as the story progresses?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 3

Throughout the screenplay, Young Neil does not undergo a significant arc. He generally fulfills his role without engaging deeply in the primary conflicts, missing opportunities to grow alongside his friends.

Suggestions

Develop situations that challenge Young Neil's perspectives, allowing for potential growth.
Explore interactions with both Scott and Ramona that may inspire character development.

Follow-up Questions

Is there a pivotal moment that could spark change or insight in Young Neil?
How does Young Neil's perspective differ from Scott's, and can it be integrated better into the plot?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 6

Young Neil's dialogue typically features a laid-back tone and humorous quips. He often serves as a sounding board for Scott and the others, giving straightforward advice wrapped in humor, which complements his role as the younger friend. His speech patterns help establish him as a sidekick rather than a leading character.

Unique Voice: His speech is lighthearted and often punctuated with gaming references or silly remarks that lighten the mood.

Suggestions

Heighten the contrast in his speech by mixing in moments of surprising insight amidst his laid-back expressions.
Encourage more collaborations with other characters in scenes that require dialogue exchanges.

Follow-up Questions

What specific phrases or quirks could Young Neil have that would make him more memorable?
Can his dialogue evolve as the stakes in the story rise?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 5

His actions frequently reflect a desire to maintain harmony within the group, often avoiding confrontation. While entertaining and supportive, Young Neil's choices tend to contribute to a lighter tone rather than thematic depth.

Motivations: He primarily wants to have fun with friends and remain part of the group without getting too caught up in the drama.

Desires Vs Needs: Young Neil desires friendship and enjoyment but needs to learn about the deeper emotional complexities involved in adult relationships.

Suggestions

Encourage Young Neil to take a stand when the group encounters conflict, showcasing his growth.
Create scenarios where Young Neil's decisions directly influence the outcomes of scenes, amplifying his importance.

Follow-up Questions

What would it take for Young Neil to step out of his comfort zone?
Does he have a breaking point or area of disagreement with Scott's choices?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 6

His relationships within the group are characterized by camaraderie and teenage banter, providing comic relief amidst the character turmoil. Young Neil often remains a neutral presence, allowing others to shine.

Suggestions

Create moments where Young Neil affects Scott's decisions or mood more actively.
Deepen his connections with either Scott or Kim to show a more engaged emotional side.

Follow-up Questions

What role does Young Neil play in guiding Scott's emotional journey?
Can his relationships with others be deepened to create a more complex emotional background?

Scene Impact

Score: 5

While he doesn't have standout moments, Young Neil's presence helps maintain the story's light heartedness. His quirkiness contributes to the group’s dynamic, enabling higher stakes moments to feel less overwhelming.

Suggestions

Find spots for Young Neil to inject humor or surprising emotional insights, providing balance.
Maximize his presence in climax scenes to showcase the stakes but maintain the camaraderie.

Follow-up Questions

In which scenes could Young Neil have a more profound impact without losing his comedic essence?
How can he pivot the energy of a scene to a more hopeful or humorous note?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 5

His role reflects a blend of loyal friend and comic relief, which contrasts with the emotional gravitas of Scott and Ramona's arcs. However, he doesn't represent a symbolic function within the larger themes.

Suggestions

Further align Young Neil's character with thematic elements to enhance his narrative role.
Add dimensions to his character that could contribute meaningfully to the overall narrative arc.

Follow-up Questions

How can Young Neil's status as comic relief evolve into a deeper narrative function?
What would it take for him to embody an element of conflict or drive within the group?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 5

Though he primarily adds levity, his character ultimately reinforces the struggles and relationships depicted throughout the screenplay. Young Neil's presence magnifies the main themes surrounding love, conflict, and self-discovery.

Suggestions

Emphasize his growth opportunities within the context of themes to tie him closer to the main story arc.
Create scenarios where his lightheartedness significantly impacts serious discussions or moments.

Follow-up Questions

What thematic elements could Young Neil become more involved with?
How does his perspective differ from the main characters, and how can that be better integrated?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 6

Young Neil adds a sense of normalcy and lightness that evokes laughter rather than deep emotional resonance. His character may not function on an emotional level per se, but serves as a point of reference for others as they navigate their relationships.

Suggestions

Create comedic setups that translate into genuine emotional resonance when moments of vulnerability arise.
Incorporate moments where Young Neil can challenge others emotionally, surprising the audience.

Follow-up Questions

How can the character’s humor be used to underscore emotional beats in the plot?
Can Young Neil express feelings that tap into audiences’ empathy or understanding?

Personality Types

MBTI: esfp

Young Neil demonstrates traits of an ESFP with his lively, social demeanor and ability to make light of heavy situations. His focus on experiences and enjoyment aligns with typical ESFP behavior.

Confidence: 80%

Suggestions

Explore more of Young Neil's emotional responses to events, aligning with ESFP tendencies.
Include scenes showing his spontaneous side in a more significant narrative context.

Follow-up Questions

How do Young Neil's ESFP traits influence his interactions with other characters?
What pivotal moments could reveal hidden complexity in his character?

Enneagram: 7

Young Neil displays characteristics of an Enneagram Type 7 with his love for fun, aversion to pain, and desire for freedom and connection. He often seeks enjoyment and avoids any potentially uncomfortable emotional situations.

Confidence: 75%

Suggestions

Consider allowing Young Neil to face more serious circumstances to challenge his typical behavior.
Create connections that reveal his fears more explicitly, adding depth to his 7 type tendencies.

Follow-up Questions

What are Young Neil's strategies for dealing with emotions he chooses to avoid?
How does his 7 type manifest in his relationships with Scott and the others?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (4)

Young Neil's presence in the kitchen scene serves to ground the group dynamic and sets the tone for the playful interactions that define the camaraderie between the friends.

Why: This scene effectively showcases Young Neil's humor and light spirit while framing the other characters’ conflicting emotions.

Weakest Scene (0)

none

Why: none

Suggestions:

Provide clearer stakes in scenes where he appears, adding depth to his role.
Enhance Young Neil's involvement in major scenes to make his presence significant.

Wallace - Score: 78/100

Role

Mentor and Support

Personality

MBTI: ENFP
Enneagram: Type 7 (The Enthusiast)

Scenes

Strongest: #9

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Witty and sarcastic roommate; comically insightful.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Witty facade masks deeper emotional wisdom and experience.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Remains a stable source of support and humor throughout the story.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Sharp, witty dialogue that provides humor and insight.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Consistently supportive, often blunt in his honesty.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Facilitates key relationships, primarily with Scott.

Scene Impact 7/10

Drives much of the comedic relief and emotional grounding.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Acts as a mentor and comedic foil.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Reinforces themes of friendship and self-acceptance.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Balances humor with emotional depth.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Wallace is introduced as Scott's witty and sarcastic roommate. He provides comedic relief and is a source of wisdom, often guiding Scott through his relationship dilemmas. His understanding nature and humorous outlook on life make him a foundation for Scott's development throughout the story.

Values And Beliefs: Honesty, self-acceptance, and loyalty to friends.

Strengths And Skills: High emotional intelligence, comedic timing, and supportive listener.

Suggestions

Explore more of Wallace's backstory to deepen his character.
Show more moments where Wallace's advice directly impacts Scott's decisions.

Follow-up Questions

What life experiences led Wallace to adopt his supportive role?
How does Wallace's perspective on relationships compare to Scott's?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

While Wallace is portrayed as the humorous roommate, his deep understanding of love and relationships suggests he has faced his own struggles. This complexity adds depth to his character as he juggles being a supportive friend while managing his own emotional landscape.

Character Flaws: Occasional bluntness can alienate others.

Suggestions

Incorporate scenes that showcase Wallace's vulnerabilities.
Allow moments where Wallace reveals his personal thoughts on love.

Follow-up Questions

What personal experiences might have shaped Wallace's views on relationships?
How does Wallace maintain his emotional distance while being so supportive?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Wallace stays relatively consistent in his supportive nature, helping Scott navigate his relationship with Knives and later Ramona. He offers steady guidance, but his own development is not a focal point, keeping him in a stable role as Scott's mentor.

Suggestions

Introduce a moment that challenges Wallace's supportive role.
Consider showcasing Wallace in a scenario that forces him to confront his own emotions.

Follow-up Questions

Do you think Wallace's stability prevents him from character growth?
What would it take for Wallace to evolve in this story?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Wallace's speech is often quick and laced with humor, showcasing his cleverness. His dialogue often serves dual purposes—making audiences laugh while also offering Scott vital life lessons. His distinctive voice helps ground the more extravagant elements of Scott's journey.

Unique Voice: Uses sarcasm to convey wisdom and honesty.

Suggestions

Increase Wallace's role as a comedic relief in tense moments.
Add more poignant observations in his dialogue that reflect his life views.

Follow-up Questions

How can Wallace's humor be leveraged for more dramatic impact?
What kind of dialogue shifts occur in Wallace when he talks to Scott versus others?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Wallace often acts as the voice of reason for Scott, grounding him through relationship crises. His blunt nature keeps Scott in check, while his support demonstrates a strong belief in friendship. He navigates challenges with humor, influencing the positive growth in Scott's character.

Motivations: To support Scott and ensure he learns from his mistakes.

Desires Vs Needs: Wants Scott to grow; needs to find a balance between support and honesty.

Suggestions

Highlight moments where Wallace's support provokes positive change in Scott.
Create a scenario where Wallace must put his own desires aside for the sake of Scott.

Follow-up Questions

What specific actions of Wallace have the greatest impact on Scott?
Are there situations where Wallace’s honesty backfires?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Wallace's connection with Scott is pivotal, acting as the emotional anchor throughout the story. He steers Scott's decisions regarding romance and personal growth while navigating the comedic elements of their dynamic. Wallace's relationships are uncomplicated, focusing primarily on his supportive role.

Suggestions

Introduce more dialogue with the band members to showcase his role in their dynamics.
Expand on Wallace’s interactions with other characters to show his gender-neutral friendships.

Follow-up Questions

How do Wallace's interactions with Scott compare to how he interacts with other characters?
What would happen if Wallace had a conflict with Scott or another band member?

Scene Impact

Score: 7

Wallace's presence often lightens tense situations, providing levity when Scott faces serious dilemmas. His scenes pivot around Scott's access to emotional wisdom, making him integral to the story’s balance.

Suggestions

Enhance the dramatic stakes by placing Wallace in more confrontational situations.
Include more backstory in his pivotal scenes for more emotional weight.

Follow-up Questions

Which scenes need to be less comedic and more serious for Wallace?
How might Wallace react to Scott’s different choices?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

Wallace fulfills the archetype of a mentor, providing Scott with emotional insights in a humorous light. He embodies loyalty and friendship, always pushing Scott towards self-improvement while simultaneously challenging his decisions.

Symbolic Role: Embodies the rational friend who values honesty above all.

Suggestions

Consider exploring a deeper layer of Wallace’s own life and challenges.
Craft scenarios where Wallace confronts other characters beyond Scott.

Follow-up Questions

What would enhance Wallace’s mentoring role?
In what moments does Wallace's role falter?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Wallace's interactions with Scott often reflect the core themes of the screenplay, particularly the significance of friendship, honesty, and emotional well-being. His narrative serves as a reminder about the importance of genuine relationships amidst personal turmoil.

Suggestions

Increase Wallace’s involvement in critical emotional moments for greater thematic depth.
Weave his perspective on friendship into dialogues, enriching the thematic fabric.

Follow-up Questions

How do Wallace's actions reinforce the story’s overarching themes?
Are there moments where Wallace’s commentary stands out against theme shifts?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Wallace effectively evokes a range of emotions through his comedic relief and heartfelt moments. He draws the audience closer to Scott’s struggles while making the viewing experience lighter through humor.

Emotional Impact: Offers comfort and humor amidst chaos.

Suggestions

Incorporate more moments where Wallace expresses vulnerability.
Draw parallels between Wallace’s feelings and the main emotional arcs.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes elicit the strongest emotional response because of Wallace?
How can Wallace elevate the emotional stakes for Scott?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfp

Wallace demonstrates extroverted intuition (Ne) through his witty insights and playful interactions, as well as extroverted feeling (Fe) with his empathy towards Scott.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: esfp (25%)

Suggestions

Reflect on how Wallace’s personality could color his reactions.
Use his ENFP traits to explore his openness to emotional honesty.

Follow-up Questions

How does Wallace’s ENFP nature influence his advice to Scott?
What happens when Wallace faces characters who challenge him?

Enneagram: type 7 (the enthusiast)

Wallace embodies traits typical of a Type 7 such as being optimistic, spontaneous, and seeking pleasure; however, he also shows depth suggesting he has moments of introspection.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: there’s evidence for type 2 (the helper) (20%)

Suggestions

Explore how his enthusiasm affects others
Highlight moments when he prioritizes Scott's happiness over his own.

Follow-up Questions

How do Wallace’s contributions as a Type 7 help Scott?
Are there moments in the screenplay where Wallace’s enthusiasm feels overwhelming?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (9)

Wallace provides Scott with insights about dating and honesty during a key moment that shapes Scott's character arc.

Why: This scene highlights Wallace's maternal influence on Scott and reinforces the theme of friendship and growth.

Weakest Scene (0)

none

Why: none

Suggestions:

none
none

Kim - Score: 78/100

Personality

MBTI: ISTP
Enneagram: Type 4 (The Individualist)

Scenes

Strongest: #6
Weakest: #4

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Strong-willed drummer with a sarcastic edge.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Sarcasm masks deeper emotional vulnerabilities.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Struggles with her past while maintaining her identity.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Distinctive voice characterized by sarcasm and bluntness.

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Actions driven by loyalty and a desire for authenticity.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Core friendships reflect her values but complicate her emotional landscape.

Scene Impact 8/10

Serves as emotional grounding and comic relief.

Role Fulfillment 9/10

Plays a relatable friend who keeps the group grounded.

Thematic Plot Integration 8/10

Reflects core themes of loyalty and friendship amid chaos.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Elicits both humor and empathy through relatable struggles.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Kim Pine is portrayed as a strong-willed, sarcastic character who plays the drums in the band Sex Bob-Omb. Her blunt demeanor and sharp wit underline her independence and an apparent disdain for societal norms. Kim’s character operates as an emotional touchstone for the group, helping to navigate the challenges they encounter inseparably linked to Scott's romantic entanglements.

Values And Beliefs: Values independence, honesty, and loyalty to her friends.

Strengths And Skills: Musical talent (drumming), straightforward communication.

Suggestions

Explore deeper emotional backstories to provide more context for her sarcasm.
Introduce a scene that illustrates her personal struggles outside of the band dynamics.

Follow-up Questions

What specific events in Kim's past might have influenced her sarcastic demeanor?
How does Kim’s relationship with her bandmates help reveal her vulnerabilities?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Kim has a layered personality; her sarcasm often masks deeper feelings of resentment or sadness related to her past relationships, particularly with Scott. This complexity makes her both relatable and intriguing, as her tough exterior may hide insecurities and longing for meaningful connections.

Character Wound: Feelings of betrayal and emotional scars from her past relationships.

Character Flaws: A tendency to push people away through sarcasm and hostility.

Suggestions

Develop scenes where Kim confronts her own emotions rather than masking them.
Integrate a moment where Kim allows herself to be vulnerable in front of others.

Follow-up Questions

How does Kim’s behavior towards Scott and others reflect her past wounds?
What circumstances might allow Kim to show her true feelings more openly?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Kim does not undergo a complete transformation throughout the story but opts to maintain her core identity despite the turmoil involving Scott. Her journey reflects her internal conflicts as she balances her emotions with loyalty to her friends.

Polarity Changes: Kim shows signs of frustration and anger towards Scott’s actions while remaining loyal to her friends.

Transformation Triggers: Her loyalty to the band frames her responses to Scott's romantic misadventures like bringing him back to reality.

Suggestions

Highlight a significant moment that leads Kim to confront her feelings about Scott.
Create a scenario where Kim has to make a choice that tests her loyalty to the band versus her personal feelings.

Follow-up Questions

What key decisions showcase Kim's dedication to her friends over her own desires?
When does Kim achieve a moment of self-reflection regarding her relationships?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Kim's speech develops a unique voice, effectively reflecting her personality traits. Her use of sarcasm, particularly when challenging Scott and her bandmates, showcases her strong character. This contributes to the overall tone of the film and allows audiences to engage with her more deeply.

Unique Voice: Kim’s dialogue is marked by her dry humor and cutting sarcasm, often serving as comic relief.

Suggestions

Incorporate more moments where Kim expresses vulnerability through her dialogue.
Weave in humor that resonates with deeper emotional messages to enhance her voice.

Follow-up Questions

How does Kim's dialogue compare or contrast with other characters' ways of communicating?
What emotional layers could be added to her humor and sarcasm?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 7

Kim’s behavior throughout the screenplay often reflects her loyalty towards her band and her feelings towards Scott. Her choices exhibit her frustration with the romantic entanglements in their lives, yet she remains steadfastly supportive of her friends.

Motivations: Kim is motivated by her desire to maintain her friendships and the integrity of the band.

Desires Vs Needs: She desires authentic connections and recognition but often pushes people away.

Suggestions

Give Kim a pivotal moment where her behavior impacts the group's dynamic dramatically.
Create a conflict that forces Kim to choose between her feelings and her loyalty to the band.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways do Kim’s decisions propel the narrative forward?
What critical moments demonstrate how her loyalties shape her actions?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Kim’s relationships with Scott, Stephen, and Young Neil are pivotal in shaping her character. While she supports Scott despite their history, her interactions with Young Neil highlight a more playful side of her personality. Her dynamic with Stephen serves as a barometer for the group's cohesion.

Suggestions

Develop deeper interactions between Kim and the other band members to highlight her relationships.
Introduce situations that test her connections with her bandmates, particularly regarding loyalty.

Follow-up Questions

How do Kim's relationships influence her growth throughout the story?
Which interactions showcase different facets of her character?

Scene Impact

Score: 8

Kim’s presence in various scenes often introduces tension that needs to be resolved or comic relief that lightens the mood. She has the ability to shift the emotional tone and elevate scenes through her unique perspective.

Suggestions

Use Kim’s humor in action-packed or dramatic scenes for heightened emotional impact.
Incorporate moments where Kim's decisions shift the dynamics of key plot points.

Follow-up Questions

What specific moments exemplify Kim's impact on the tone of a scene?
How could her absence from a scene affect its emotional resonance?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 9

Kim fulfills the role of both a friend and a grounding force in the group. Her straightforward nature and emotional honesty serve to balance Scott’s romantic complications and allow for genuine connections within the band.

Suggestions

Enhance her role as a moral compass by incorporating more decisive moments.
Consider introducing more conflict to emphasize her function as a grounding force.

Follow-up Questions

How does Kim’s role affect the flow of the narrative?
In what ways could her function in the group be further expanded?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 8

Kim's character arc is intricately linked to the screenplay's exploration of loyalty, love, and personal growth. Her decisions and interactions resonate within themes of self-identity and the complexity of relationships, ultimately reinforcing these thematic elements throughout the plot.

Suggestions

Intertwine Kim's narrative more with the overarching themes to better align her arc with the plot.
Explore Kim’s reactions to major plot events to illuminate her centrality to the themes.

Follow-up Questions

In what scenes does Kim's journey reflect the underlying themes of the story?
How does she embody the struggle between personal desires and group loyalty?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Kim's ability to provide both comic relief and emotional depth creates significant impact for the audience. Her interactions highlight common struggles in friendships, which fosters a sense of relatability and connection.

Emotional Impact: Automatically relatable, evokes sympathy and humor.

Suggestions

Increase moments of vulnerability to enhance emotional investment.
Showcase her interactions with others to amplify the comedic aspects of her character.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes stand out as particularly resonant for audiences emotionally?
How does Kim's humor balance the film's more serious moments?

Personality Types

MBTI: istp

Portrayed as pragmatic, hands-on, and often analytical, Kim fits the ISTP archetype capable of being logical amidst emotional chaos.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: intp (20%)

Suggestions

Integrate more INTJ traits through introspection to deepen her character.
Highlight decision-making moments that reflect her logical perspective.

Follow-up Questions

How can Kim’s practical mindset lead to new narrative conflicts?
Which interactions highlight her potential ISTP or INTP traits?

Enneagram: type 4 (the individualist)

Kim often feels a sense of being misunderstood while expressing her uniqueness through music and individuality.

Confidence: 75%

Suggestions

Enhance her feelings of being different in more character-driven scenes.
Create scenarios that challenge her individuality.

Follow-up Questions

How can Kim’s sense of individuality intersect with her relationships?
In what ways can her type influence her decisions?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (6)

Kim shines during the intense practice scene for Sex Bob-Omb, where she takes charge and leads.

Why: It showcases her musical talent and ability to inspire confidence in others.

Weakest Scene (4)

In this scene, Kim is seen just met with disinterest rather than active engagement.

Why: This limits her potential for character development during a pivotal moment, seeming passive.

Suggestions:

Create dialogue that allows Kim to express her feelings about Scott more actively.
Add an interaction that cements her emotional involvement with the band.

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Romantic Relationships (25%)

The film explores various romantic relationships, including those between Scott and Knives, Scott and Ramona, and Ramona and her exes.

The film delves into the complexities of love, relationships, and the challenges of navigating different relationships.

Strengthening Romantic Relationships:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Dialogue - Scene 1	Have Stephen provide more supportive and enthusiastic remarks about Knives to convey Scott's initial hesitation more clearly.
Action - Scene 4	Incorporate Stacey expressing concern or disapproval over Scott's behavior towards Knives, establishing a stronger foundation for her later confrontations with Scott.
Character Arc - Scene 6	Expand on Scott's dream and its significance, exploring his subconscious desires and anxieties regarding love and relationships.
Story Arc - Scene 16-18	Develop Knives' character by exploring her reaction to Scott's breakup with her. Show her growth and understanding of their relationship's complexities.
Visual - Scene 42-43	Use visual elements to convey the emotional bond between Knives and Ramona during their confrontation with Gideon. This could include them fighting side-by-side or sharing meaningful glances.

Personal Growth and Identity (20%)

Scott's journey throughout the film is one of personal growth and self-discovery as he learns to confront his flaws and insecurities.

The film emphasizes the importance of self-reflection, accepting one's flaws, and overcoming personal challenges.

The Power of Music (15%)

Music plays a central role in the film, serving as a unifying force for the characters and a means of self-expression.

The film celebrates the power of music to connect people, provide solace, and inspire creative expression.

Dealing with Evil Exes (12%)

Scott must face Ramona's seven evil exes in order to win her heart, leading to a series of unique and challenging battles.

The film explores the consequences of past relationships and the challenges of letting go of former partners.

The Battle of the Bands (10%)

Scott's band, Sex Bob-Omb, competes in a battle of the bands, facing off against other talented musicians.

The film captures the excitement and competition of the music scene, as well as the importance of teamwork and perseverance.

Love Triangles (8%)

Scott finds himself torn between his relationships with Knives and Ramona, leading to complex and often humorous situations.

The film explores the challenges of navigating multiple romantic interests and the complexities of love triangles.

Friendship and Loyalty (5%)

Scott relies on the support of his friends, including Wallace, Stephen Stills, and Young Neil, throughout his journey.

The film emphasizes the importance of strong friendships and the value of having people to rely on.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate his feelings of inadequacy and insecurity when faced with romantic relationships and obstacles.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of his relationships with others and the obstacles he faces in the competitive music world.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's struggle between his desire for success and his internal insecurities, as well as the tension between authenticity and societal expectations.

Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's internal goals and philosophical conflict contribute to his growth and transformation throughout the screenplay, leading him to confront his insecurities, take responsibility for his actions, and strive for authenticity in his relationships.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The goals and conflict drive the narrative forward, creating tension and drama as the protagonist navigates his relationships and battles with his inner demons. They provide a framework for the story's progression and character development.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflict deepen the thematic exploration of self-discovery, redemption, and personal growth. They highlight the importance of authenticity, acceptance of past mistakes, and the journey towards self-acceptance and love.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - Scott Pilgrim and the High School Girl	Humorous, Sarcastic, Light-hearted	8	8	7	9	9	4	8	7	5	6	3	7	7	6	9	9	9	8	8
2 - Knives Meets the Band	Light-hearted, Playful, Enthusiastic	8	8	7	9	8	5	8	7	5	7	4	7	7	6	9	9	9	8	8
3 - Post-Knives' Departure Discussion	Humorous, Sarcastic, Conversational	8	7	6	9	9	3	8	6	4	6	3	6	7	5	9	9	8	8	8
4 - Scott's Secret	Humorous, Reflective, Light-hearted	8	7	7	9	9	5	8	7	5	8	4	7	7	6	9	9	9	8	8
5 - Scott and Knives' Accidental Date	Light-hearted, Playful, Quirky	8	8	7	9	9	5	8	7	6	6	4	7	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
6 - Scott and Knives: A Walk and a Dream	Whimsical, Playful, Dreamy	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	5	7	4	6	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
7 - Scott's Distracted Night	Light-hearted, Whimsical, Reflective	8	8	7	8	8	6	8	7	6	7	5	7	7	7	7	9	8	8	8
8 - Awkward Encounters	Humorous, Light-hearted, Sarcastic	8	8	7	9	9	5	8	7	6	8	5	8	7	6	9	9	9	8	8
9 - Scott and Wallace's Nighttime Revelations	Humorous, Light-hearted, Sarcastic	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	7	7	6	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
10 - Scott and Knives' Shopping Adventure	Light-hearted, Whimsical, Nostalgic	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	6	7	7	8	6	7	9	9	8	7	8
11 - An Unsual Encounter in the Hallway	Whimsical, Awkward, Dreamy	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	5	7	4	7	7	7	9	9	9	8	8
12 - Park Encounter	Playful, Awkward, Intimate	8	8	7	7	9	7	8	7	6	6	5	8	7	7	8	8	9	9	9
13 - Intimate Night at Ramona's Apartment	Playful, Intimate, Awkward	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	6	6	5	7	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
14 - The Band Battle Begins	Awkward, Light-hearted, Humorous	8	8	8	9	7	5	8	7	6	7	6	8	7	6	9	9	8	8	8
15 - Crash and the Boys' Performance	Humorous, Intense, Exciting	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	8	9	8	7	7	7	9	9	7	8
16 - Battle with Matthew Patel	Humorous, Exciting, Fantastical	8	9	8	9	7	7	8	9	9	9	8	9	8	6	7	9	9	8	8
17 - Romantic Revelations at The Rockit	Humorous, Romantic, Action-packed	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	8	8	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
18 - Scott's Date and Wallace's Ultimatum	Light-hearted, Humorous, Playful	8	7	8	9	8	7	8	7	7	8	6	8	7	6	9	9	9	7	8
19 - Unrequited Love at the Record Store	Awkward, Heartbreaking, Uncomfortable	8	7	8	9	9	8	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
20 - Awkward Encounters and New Beginnings	Humorous, Awkward, Casual	8	7	8	8	8	7	8	7	6	6	5	8	7	7	9	9	9	8	8
21 - Garlic Bread and Snow Hats	Anxious, Playful, Awkward	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	5	7	4	7	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
22 - The Endless Stairway	null	0	0	0	9	0	0	8	7	0	6	0	0	7	0	0	9	8	8	8
23 - Scott vs. Lucas Lee: The Fight on Set	Humorous, Exciting, Light-hearted	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	9	8	8	8	9	7	6	7	9	9	8	8
24 - Confronting Emotions and Unwanted Visitors	Humorous, Reflective, Dramatic	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	6	7	6	7	8	8	8	9	9	8	8
25 - Paranoia in the Alley	Humorous, Sarcastic, Whimsical	8	8	7	9	9	5	8	7	7	7	6	8	8	6	8	9	9	8	8
26 - Tense Coffee Encounter	Humorous, Awkward, Confrontational	8	7	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	8	6	8	8	7	9	9	9	8	8
27 - Scott, Ramona, and the Band Concert	Jealousy, Regret, Awkwardness	8	8	7	7	9	7	8	7	7	6	6	7	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
28 - Hair Coloring and Concert Confusion	Humorous, Dramatic, Suspenseful	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	9	9	8	8
29 - The Clash at Demonhead's Revelation	Humorous, Tense, Dramatic	8	8	8	9	8	7	8	7	9	7	9	9	7	7	7	9	8	8	8
30 - Tensions Run High Backstage	Awkward, Witty, Tense, Humorous	8	9	7	9	8	6	8	7	8	8	7	8	8	7	9	9	9	8	8
31 - The Vegan Diet Payback	Humorous, Tense, Awkward, Confrontational	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	7	9	8	8	9	8	6	8	9	9	8	8
32 - Pizza Place Dilemma	Awkward, Reflective, Playful	8	8	7	8	9	7	8	7	7	7	6	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	8
33 - Confrontation with Roxy	Humorous, Tense, Dramatic	8	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	9	8	9	9	8	7	9	9	8	8
34 - Preparing for the Katayanagi Battle	Tense, Awkward, Doomed, Excited	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	8	8	9	8	7	6	7	9	8	7	8
35 - Battle of the Bands: Sex Bob-Omb vs. The Katayanagi Twins	Humorous, Intense, Epic, Surreal	9	9	8	9	7	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	7	8	9	9	8	8
36 - Heartbreak and Betrayal Outside The Ninth Circle	Romantic, Humorous, Dramatic	8	8	8	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	8	9	8	9	8	9	9	8	8
37 - Reflections and Tensions	Humorous, Reflective, Melancholic	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	6	6	6	7	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
38 - Invitation to Revenge	Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Humorous	8	7	8	9	7	8	8	7	9	8	9	8	7	7	9	9	9	8	8
39 - Confrontation at the Chaos Theatre	Humorous, Intense, Dramatic	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	9	9	8	8
40 - Awakening in the Dream Desert	Reflective, Intense, Emotional	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	7	8	7	8	8	9	8	9	9	8	8
41 - Final Preparations	Humorous, Intense, Sarcastic	9	9	8	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	9	8	8
42 - Final Showdown at Chaos Theatre	Humorous, Intense, Surreal, Emotional	9	9	8	8	9	9	8	9	9	8	9	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	9
43 - Amicable Confrontation and a New Beginning	Magical, Reflective, Bittersweet, Hopeful	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	7	7	6	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	8

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Engaging plot development
Well-developed characters
Mix of humor, action, and romance
Emotional depth
Dynamic character interactions

Scene Weaknesses

Low stakes
Limited character development
Lack of significant conflict
Low emotional impact
Some repetitive dialogue

Suggestions

Explore ways to raise the stakes and increase the level of conflict
Focus on developing the characters further, particularly those with limited depth
Consider incorporating more surprising plot twists to increase emotional impact and keep the audience engaged
Continuously work on refining dialogue to avoid feeling repetitive or cliché, and add more nuance and complexity to interactions between characters
Experiment with different approaches to storytelling to keep the audience engaged and excited, such as non-linear timelines or unusual narrative perspectives

World Building

Physical environment: The physical environment of the screenplay is primarily set in Toronto, Canada. It is described as a modern, urban landscape with a diverse range of locations including residential streets, parks, schools, clubs, and concert venues. The scenes transition seamlessly between these locations, creating a sense of familiarity and realism.
Culture: The screenplay is infused with a blend of youth culture and popular references. The characters are part of a vibrant music scene and frequently engage in conversations about bands, concerts, and music culture. Relationships and dating play a central role in the story, reflecting the social dynamics of young adults. The screenplay also explores the theme of nostalgia, with characters frequently reminiscing about their past relationships and experiences.
Society: The societal structure depicted in the screenplay is representative of modern society, with characters from various backgrounds and social groups interacting and forming relationships. The portrayal of friendship and band dynamics highlights the importance of camaraderie and shared experiences. The concept of good versus evil is explored through the League of Evil Exes, introducing a supernatural element that challenges the characters' relationships.
Technology: The screenplay integrates technology into its narrative by showcasing the characters' use of cell phones, computers, and video games. Technology plays a role in communication, social interactions, and even in the plot as seen with the implanted chip in Ramona's skull. The blend of modern technology with the supernatural elements creates a unique and captivating world.
Characters influence: The world elements significantly shape the characters' experiences and actions. The setting of Toronto provides a backdrop for their daily lives, relationships, and social interactions. The music culture influences their aspirations, passions, and relationships. The societal structure and dating norms impact their decisions and challenges. Technology allows them to stay connected, communicate, and navigate their social lives.
Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative by creating a vivid and relatable setting for the characters and their stories. The physical environment provides the stage for their encounters, conflicts, and triumphs. The cultural elements add depth to the characters' personalities and relationships. The societal structure influences the dynamics and challenges they face. Technology enhances the narrative by facilitating communication and adding a contemporary touch.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring themes such as self-discovery, personal growth, and the complexities of relationships. The physical environment, with its diverse and often surreal elements, reflects the characters' inner struggles and emotional journeys. The cultural and societal elements highlight the challenges of navigating personal identity, societal expectations, and the pursuit of happiness. Technology adds a layer of introspection, as characters confront the impact of their technological habits and the blurring of reality and fantasy.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's unique voice is characterized by witty dialogue, quirky character interactions, and a blend of humor and introspection. This voice is consistent throughout the screenplay and contributes to the overall mood, themes, and depth of the story.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a unique and engaging tone that immediately draws the reader in and makes the characters and story memorable. The witty dialogue adds humor and lightness to the script, while the quirky character interactions create a sense of authenticity and relatability. Additionally, the blend of humor and introspection adds depth and emotional resonance to the story, making it more than just a superficial comedy.
Best Representation Scene	7 - Scott's Distracted Night
Best Scene Explanation	Scene 7 is the best representation of the writer's unique voice because it perfectly captures the blend of humor, wit, and introspection that characterizes the screenplay as a whole. The dialogue is sharp and funny, but it also reveals the characters' deeper insecurities and vulnerabilities. This scene is a perfect example of how the writer's voice can be used to create a story that is both entertaining and emotionally resonant.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
Humorous & Sarcastic Tones Correlate with High Dialogue Grades	Scenes with humorous or sarcastic tones tend to have higher grades for dialogue, indicating that these tones create opportunities for engaging and witty exchanges between characters.
Tense & Dramatic Scenes Often Have High Emotional Impact	Scenes with tense or dramatic elements frequently receive high grades for emotional impact, suggesting that these elements effectively evoke strong emotions from the audience.
High Stakes and Conflict Drive Character Changes	Scenes with high stakes and substantial conflict are more likely to feature significant character changes, as the pressure and challenges of the situation force characters to adapt and evolve.
Scenes with High Stakes Tend to Advance the Story More	Scenes with high stakes often have a greater impact on the overall story, as they create a sense of urgency and drive the plot forward.
Whimsical and Dreamy Elements Enhance Emotional Impact	Scenes that incorporate whimsical or dreamy elements tend to receive higher grades for emotional impact, suggesting that these elements create a sense of wonder and emotional resonance.
Reflective Scenes Often Receive High Overall Grades	Scenes that allow for reflection and introspection tend to receive higher overall grades, indicating that the audience appreciates moments that provide depth and emotional resonance.
Humorous & Sarcastic Scenes Correlate with Strong Emotional Impact	Scenes with humorous or sarcastic elements often receive high grades for emotional impact, suggesting that these tones can effectively convey a range of emotions, from laughter to bittersweet reflections.
Light-hearted Tones Often Accompany High Concept Grades	Scenes with light-hearted tones tend to have higher grades for concept, indicating that these tones create a sense of playfulness and imaginative storytelling.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The provided scenes showcase the writer's talent in crafting engaging stories with a unique and humorous voice. The dialogue is sharp and often witty, the narratives are dynamic and engaging, and the character development is generally well-developed. Throughout the scenes, the writer effectively blends genres and elements, including humor, drama, action, fantasy, and surrealism, creating a diverse and entertaining screenplay.

Key Improvement Areas

Screenplay Structure and Pacing

In several scenes, the feedback suggests a need for improvement in pacing and structure. Enhancing these elements can elevate the overall flow and impact of the narrative.

Character Depth and Development

While the scenes establish engaging characters, some feedback highlights opportunities to further develop their depth and complexity. Exploring motivations, conflicts, and backstories can enhance the emotional impact of the narrative.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Book	Read 'Save the Cat!' by Blake Snyder	This book provides valuable insights into screenplay structure and pacing, addressing areas where the feedback identified improvement opportunities.
Video	Watch 'Edgar Wright - How to Do Visual Comedy' on YouTube	Edgar Wright's unique approach to visual storytelling and comedic timing can inspire the writer to enhance these aspects in their own screenplay.
Exercise	Practice writing dialogue-heavy scenes to refine character interactions and voicePractice In SceneProv	Improving dialogue skills can enhance the authenticity and engagement of character interactions, addressing feedback suggestions for further character development.

Additional Notes: The writer's ability to create engaging and original stories with a unique voice is evident throughout the scenes. By focusing on further developing screenplay structure, pacing, and character depth, the writer can elevate their craft and create even more impactful and memorable screenplays.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
Love Triangle	Scott is torn between Knives, a 17-year-old high school student, and Ramona, a mysterious and aloof woman.	A love triangle is a common trope in romantic comedies and dramas. It typically involves a protagonist who is torn between two romantic interests.
Battle of the Bands	Scott's band, Sex Bob-omb, competes against other bands in a battle of the bands competition.	The battle of the bands is a common trope in musical comedies and dramas. It typically involves a group of musicians who compete against each other for a prize.
Evil Ex	Scott must defeat Ramona's seven evil exes in order to win her heart.	The evil ex is a common trope in romantic comedies and dramas. It typically involves a protagonist who must overcome the obstacles posed by their ex-lover.
Dream Sequence	Scott has several dreams throughout the film, including a dream about Ramona and a dream about fighting an evil version of himself.	The dream sequence is a common trope in film and television. It typically involves a character who enters a dream world where anything is possible.
Cool Kid Clique	The Clash at Demonhead, led by Scott's ex-girlfriend Envy Adams, is a cool kid clique.	The cool kid clique is a common trope in teen movies and television shows. It typically involves a group of popular and influential students who are admired by their peers.
Psychic Powers	Todd Ingram, one of Ramona's evil exes, has psychic powers.	Psychic powers are a common trope in science fiction and fantasy films and television shows. They typically involve a character who has the ability to read minds, move objects with their mind, or predict the future.
Asian Martial Arts	The Katayanagi Twins, who are Ramona's next evil exes, are skilled in Asian martial arts.	Asian martial arts are a common trope in action and martial arts films. They typically involve a character who is trained in a specific martial art, such as karate, kung fu, or taekwondo.
Coming-of-Age	Scott Pilgrim is a coming-of-age story about a young man who is trying to find his place in the world.	The coming-of-age story is a common trope in film and television. It typically involves a young protagonist who is trying to find their place in the world and figure out who they are.
hipster subculture	The film Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is full of hipster subculture references	The hipster subculture is a common trope in film and television. It typically involves a character who is interested in alternative music, fashion, and art.
Love Conquers All	Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is a love story about a young man who is trying to find true love.	Love conquers all is a common trope in film and television. It typically involves a protagonist who overcomes all obstacles to find true love.

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
36	Scott: I'm in lesbians with you.
31	Scott: You once were a vegone, but now you will be gone!
16	Matthew Patel: Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew Patel. Consider our fight...begun!
25	Mystery Attacker: You punched me in the boob. Prepare to die, obviously.
35	Scott: WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET SAD AND STUFF!

Some Loglines to consider:

A slacker musician must battle his new girlfriend's seven evil ex-boyfriends in order to win her heart and save the day.
In a world where video game rules apply, a young man must confront his past and embrace his inner hero to win back the girl of his dreams.
When a lovable loser's new relationship puts him on a collision course with his girlfriend's dangerous ex-lovers, he must fight for love, self-respect, and the right to be the player one in his own life.
A coming-of-age story with a video game twist: a young man must overcome his personal demons and the machinations of his girlfriend's ex-boyfriends in order to find true love and discover his own power.
Scott Pilgrim must fight his way through a league of his girlfriend's former lovers, while also battling his own insecurities and past mistakes, in order to win the girl and save the day.

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1.

1 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 1

Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear:

KIM PINE (V.O.)
Scott Pilgrim is dating a high
schooler?

2 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY 2

Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table.

STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.

STEPHEN STILLS
Really? Is she hot?

KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper.

KIM PINE
How old are you now, Scott? Like
twenty-eight?

SCOTT
I’m not playing your little games.

KIM PINE
So you’ve been out of high school
for like, 13 years and-

SCOTT (O.S.)
I’m twenty-two. Twenty-two!

STEPHEN STILLS
And you’re dating a high school
girl? Not bad, not bad.

YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts.

YOUNG NEIL
Like, did you guys ’do it’ yet?

SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an
unruly yet adorable mop of hair.

SCOTT
2.

We have done many things. We ride
the bus. We have meaningful
conversations about how yearbook
club went and about her friends
and, um...you know...drama.

STEPHEN STILLS
Yeah, okay, have you even kissed
her?

SCOTT
We almost held hands once, but then
she got embarrassed.

KIM PINE
Well. Aren’t you pleased as punch?

STEPHEN STILLS
So, what’s her name?

SCOTT
(pleased as punch)
Knives Chau. She’s Chinese.

STEPHEN STILLS
(under his breath)
Chinese...

Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.

YOUNG NEIL
Wicked! How’d you meet her?

SCOTT
I believe I mentioned the bus?

Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story:

3 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 3

KNIVES CHAU, 17, cute and innocent with clothes to match,
sits next to her mother, MOTHER CHAU, 45, demanding.

MOTHER CHAU
You are seventeen year old! Time to
get interested in boy!

KNIVES CHAU
Mom!

Knives DROPS her bag, books scattering everywhere.
3.

MOTHER CHAU
You drop book.

Knives crouches down to pick up her books, grumbling.

SCOTT (O.S.)
Hey...

Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM
holding her books. TEXT appears in an on-screen box:

"SCOTT PILGRIM, 22 YEARS OLD, RATING: AWESOME."

Stars appear in Knives’s eyes. Scott grins heroically.
Scott winks at Knives. Scott winks at the camera.

Genres: Comedy, Romance
Tone: Humorous, Sarcastic, Light-hearted

Summary Scott Pilgrim and his friends discuss his relationship with the high school girl, Knives Chau. They talk about how they met and how their relationship is mostly limited to talking about school. However, there is some tension between Scott and Kim, who criticizes Scott for dating someone so much younger than him.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Quirky characters
Engaging premise

Weaknesses

Minimal conflict
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene opens with a lot of exposition and dialogue that feels a bit forced and unnatural. The characters' reactions to Scott dating a high schooler seem a bit exaggerated and not fully fleshed out.
The dialogue feels a bit on the nose, with characters directly stating their thoughts and feelings instead of showing them through actions or subtler dialogue.
The transition from the kitchen table conversation to the flashback on the bus is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.
The introduction of Knives Chau and her mother on the bus feels a bit stereotypical and could benefit from more depth and nuance in their characterization.
The on-screen text and stars appearing in Knives's eyes come across as a bit cheesy and could be toned down for a more subtle approach.
Overall, the scene could use more subtlety in character interactions and dialogue to make it feel more authentic and engaging.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider rewriting the dialogue to be more natural and nuanced, allowing the characters to show their thoughts and feelings through actions and subtext.
Work on smoother transitions between different settings and time periods to improve the flow of the scene.
Avoid relying on stereotypes and cliches in character introductions, and strive for more depth and complexity in character development.
Tone down any overly cheesy or on-the-nose elements like on-screen text and exaggerated reactions to make the scene feel more grounded and realistic.
Focus on creating authentic and engaging interactions between characters to draw the audience in and make the scene more compelling.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

4 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY 4

Back in the kitchen, everyone looks at Scott...

KIM PINE
Is that seriously the end of the
story?

SCOTT
Yes. It is.

Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS.

STEPHEN STILLS
So when do we get to meet her?

KIM PINE
Oh please. Let it be soon.

DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. Scott smiles broadly.

SCOTT
That’s for me.

5 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 5

An eager Knives stands outside. Scott opens the door a
crack.

SCOTT
You promise to be good?

KNIVES CHAU
Of course I’ll be good!
4.

SCOTT
No, really. Please be good.

KNIVES CHAU
Am I normally not?

Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through.

SCOTT
Oh, hey. Knives, this is Stephen
Stills. He’s the talent.

STEPHEN STILLS
Hey.

STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives.

STEPHEN STILLS
Is she gonna geek out on us?

SCOTT
She’ll just sit in the corner, man.

STEPHEN STILLS
I mean, I want her to geek out on
us.

SCOTT
She’ll geek. She geeks. She has the
capacity to geek.

Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.

STEPHEN STILLS
You’re good.

6 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 6

Knives enters, looking around the rehearsal pad with awe:
Bare bulb, ratty rug, drums, guitar, bass, LAME BRAND amps.

KNIVES CHAU
Wow.

SCOTT
Knives, that’s Kim. Lemme get your
coat.

Scott throws Knives’ coat on the floor. Knives waves.

KNIVES CHAU
5.

Hi, sorry, what was your name?

KIM PINE (O.S.)
Kim.

KNIVES CHAU
You play the drums?

REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset, sticks in her hands.

KIM PINE
...yes.

KNIVES CHAU
That is so awesome.

SCOTT
Knives, that’s Young Neil.

KNIVES CHAU
Hi. What do you play?

YOUNG NEIL
Uh, wow...Zelda...Tetris...that’s
kind of a big question.

Knives stares blankly at Young Neil, who finally gets it.

YOUNG NEIL
Oh. I’m not in the band. I just
live here.

Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. Amps hum to life.

SCOTT
Let’s start with Launchpad McQuack.

STEPHEN STILLS
That’s not the actual title of the-

KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4!

Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK!

GUITAR AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR, SPELLING OUT OUR
TITLE...

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
6.

TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space
seems to GROW with the music. Stephen Stills barks
unintelligible lyrics.

Knives watches, jaw ajar. The song ends, feedback
lingering.

KNIVES CHAU
You guys...are so...amazing.

7 EXT. BUS STOP - EVENING 7

Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.

KNIVES CHAU
I can’t even...Sex Bob-Omb.
Amazing.

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Music
Tone: Light-hearted, Playful, Enthusiastic

Summary Scott introduces Knives to the band members in their rehearsal space. Knives is impressed by the band's performance, especially Young Neil. Stephen Stills initially hesitates to let Knives in, but is impressed by her reaction to the music. Knives watches the band perform and is amazed by their music. The scene ends with Scott bidding farewell to Knives as she gets on a bus.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Energetic tone
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict
Limited character development

General Critique

The scene transitions smoothly from the kitchen to Stephen Stills' house, maintaining the flow of the story.
The dialogue between Scott, Knives, and Stephen Stills feels natural and captures the dynamic between the characters.
The introduction of Knives to the band members is well-executed, showcasing her awe and enthusiasm.
The description of the rehearsal pad and the band's gear helps set the scene and immerse the audience in the environment.
The ending with Knives being impressed by the band's performance sets up her admiration for them.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more interaction between Knives and the band members to further develop their relationships.
Explore Knives' reactions and emotions in more depth to show her character development throughout the scene.
Include more visual cues or actions to enhance the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.
Consider adding a bit more tension or conflict to create a more dynamic scene.
Ensure that the transition between locations is clear and seamless for the audience to follow.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

8 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ ROOM - EVENING 8

The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills’ room.

STEPHEN STILLS
She seems nice.

SCOTT
Yeaaah.

YOUNG NEIL
She seems awesome.

SCOTT
Yeaaah.

KIM PINE
Scott, if your life had a face I
would punch it.

SCOTT
Yeaaah...wait, what?

KIM PINE
I mean, are you really happy or are
you really evil?

SCOTT
Like, do I have ulterior motives or
something? I’m offended, Kim.

STEPHEN STILLS
Wounded even?
7.

SCOTT
Hurt, Kim.

KIM PINE
You? Hurt?

Scott takes a breath, turns to Young Neil.

SCOTT
Neil, you were saying she seems
awesome.

YOUNG NEIL
Yeah, she seems awesome.

SCOTT
Yeaaaah...

Genres: Comedy, Drama
Tone: Humorous, Sarcastic, Conversational

Summary In Stills' room, Young Neil and Stills praise Knives, while Scott remains uncertain. Kim confronts Scott, accusing him of ulterior motives and challenging his true feelings. The tension between them is temporarily resolved when Scott redirects the conversation to Young Neil, who once again compliments Knives, leaving the air with a sense of unresolved tension.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Character dynamics
Humorous tone

Weaknesses

Low emotional impact
Minimal character change

General Critique

The dialogue in this scene lacks depth and substance, with characters repeating 'Yeaaah' multiple times without adding much to the conversation.
Kim Pine's sudden shift from making a punchline about Scott's life to questioning his motives feels forced and out of place.
The interaction between the characters feels superficial and lacks emotional depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the scene.
The scene does not effectively advance the plot or reveal new information about the characters, making it feel stagnant and uninteresting.
There is a missed opportunity to explore the dynamics between the band members and Young Neil in a more meaningful way.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more meaningful and engaging dialogue that reveals character motivations and relationships.
Focus on creating a more natural flow of conversation that feels authentic to the characters and their dynamics.
Explore deeper emotional conflicts and tensions between the characters to add depth to the scene.
Introduce new information or plot developments that move the story forward and engage the audience.
Consider incorporating interactions that showcase the unique dynamics between the band members and Young Neil to add depth to the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

9 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - EVENING 9

Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny, one room apartment. He
turns to WALLACE WELLS, dark hair, arched eyebrow,
disloyal.

"WALLACE WELLS, ROOMMATE, 24 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: HE IS
GAY!"

SCOTT
Before you hear some dirty lies
from someone else, yes, I’m dating
a 17 year old.

Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he’s reading.

WALLACE
Is he cute?

SCOTT
Ha, ha, ha, ha.

WALLACE
Does this mean we have to stop
sleeping together?

SCOTT
Do you see another bed in here?

TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in
the one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace, FUTON included.

WALLACE
8.

Yeah. You’re totally my bitch
forever.

SCOTT
So. The whole seventeen year old
thing. Don’t tell too many people.

WALLACE
Hey, you know me.

SCOTT
I mean. Don’t tell my sister.

WALLACE
You know me.

Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside, starts texting.

SCOTT
Who are you texting?

RINGY RING. The phone goes. Scott picks up.

STACEY (O.S.)
Seventeen years old? Scandal!

Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM, cute, peppy barista, gabbing
on her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. A sign behind her reads
’If you are using your cellphone, you will not be served’.

"STACEY PILGRIM, YOUNGER SISTER, 19, RATING: ’T’ FOR TEEN."

SCOTT
That’s not true. Who told you?

STACEY
Wallace. Duh.

SCOTT
That gossipy bitch.

WALLACE (O.S.)
You know me.

Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless.

SCOTT
Wallace!

Wallace clicks off. Scott sinks into an armchair.

STACEY
9.

Who is this mysterious child you
date?

SCOTT
Her name is Knives. Knives Chau.

STACEY
A seventeen year old Chinese
schoolgirl? You’re ridiculous.

SCOTT
It’s a Catholic school too.

STACEY
With the uniform and everything?

SCOTT
Yeah, the whole deal.

STACEY
Oh my God, you haven’t-

SCOTT
No no no. We haven’t even held
hands. I think she hugged me once.

STACEY
Um, Scott. Why are you doing this?

SCOTT
I don’t know...it’s just nice, you
know? It’s just...simple.

STACEY
It’s been over a year since you got
dumped by she-who-will-not-be-
named.

Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine,
looking into the HOT GIRL’S EYES on the back cover album
ad.

STACEY
So, are you legitimately moving on,
or is this just you being insane?

Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles
next to a hot redhead in happier times.

SCOTT
Can I get back to you on that?

A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly...
10.

Genres: Comedy, Drama
Tone: Humorous, Reflective, Light-hearted

Summary In Wallace's cramped apartment, Scott confesses to dating the 17-year-old, Knives. Wallace teases him about their living situation, but Scott worries about Stacey, his sister, finding out. Despite his request, Wallace informs Stacey, who confronts Scott, concerned about the age difference.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character dynamics
Humorous tone

Weaknesses

Low stakes
Limited action

General Critique

The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, as it primarily focuses on the surface-level humor of Scott dating a 17-year-old.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, with characters delivering lines that don't feel natural or believable.
The scene relies heavily on stereotypes and cliches, such as the gay roommate and the scandalous relationship with a younger girl, which can come across as lazy writing.
There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional complexity of Scott's situation, such as his feelings of loneliness after a breakup and his search for simplicity in a new relationship.
The scene lacks subtlety and nuance, with characters stating their emotions and intentions outright instead of showing them through actions and interactions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Add depth to the characters by exploring their inner conflicts and motivations, rather than relying on surface-level humor and stereotypes.
Focus on creating more authentic and natural dialogue that reflects how real people would speak in these situations.
Avoid cliches and stereotypes by delving into more nuanced and original storytelling choices.
Show rather than tell - use actions and interactions to convey emotions and intentions, allowing the audience to infer meaning rather than having it spelled out for them.
Consider adding layers to the scene by exploring the emotional complexity of Scott's situation and the impact of his choices on himself and those around him.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

10 EXT. CATHOLIC SCHOOL - DAY 10

Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.

Uniformed boys and girls pour out.

WALLACE
I do not want to be here. At all.

SCOTT
This school has boys too.

WALLACE
I hate you. Even I would think
twice about dating a seventeen year
old.

SCOTT
Well, she’s only allowed out when
the sun is up, so I wouldn’t call
it dating, more like...

WALLACE
Playtime?

SCOTT
That doesn’t sound so good either.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Scott! Heyyyy!

Knives skips to Scott. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers
behind.

SCOTT
Hey Knives, this is my cool gay
roommate, Wallace Wells. He’s gay.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, hi! Do you want to know who in
my class is gay?

WALLACE
Yes. Does he wear glasses?

SCOTT
Wallace, you go now! Begone!

Wallace pulls Knives close. Whispers.

WALLACE
You’re too good for him. Run.
11.

11 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 11

Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a
martial arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION).

They punch and kick in unison, side by side.

SCOTT
Did you know the original name of
Pac-man was Puck-man? You would
think it’s because Pac-Man looks
like a yellow hockey puck, but
actually it comes from the Japanese
phrase paku-paku which means to
flap ones mouth open and closed.
They changed it over here because
Puck-Man is too easy to vandalize.
You know, scratch out the P and
turn it into an F or whatever?

Knives flips over Scott’s back in a COMBO move.

KNIVES CHAU
Ohmigod, like...wow.

SCOTT
Yeah. Wow.

The game ends. CONTINUE appears, counting down:
10...9...8... Scott looks at Knives. She digs for quarters.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, I got it!

12 EXT. "PIZZA PIZZA" - DAY 12

Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint, slices in hand.

KNIVES CHAU
Tamara is into this Korean guy,
Bobby, but everyone thinks Bobby
has a crush on Mina.

SCOTT
I thought Derek and Tamara had a
mutual like-each-other thing going,
what happened?

13 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 13

Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. Hangers click in time.
12.

KNIVES CHAU
I don’t listen to much music. I
know a lot of kids who play piano
or whatever, but you guys ROCK.

SCOTT
I knew I personally rocked, but I
never suspected that we rocked as a
unit. Thank you, Knives.

14 INT. SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) - DAY 14

Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync.

KNIVES CHAU
I mean, you guys are gonna be HUGE.

SCOTT
Well, we’re already pretty big. But
it might be cool if cool people
wore our T-shirt.

Knives speaks to a female clerk, surly with tats and specs:
"JULIE, 22, STILLS’ GIRLFRIEND, RATING: WHAT IS HER
PROBLEM?"

KNIVES CHAU
Excuse me, do you have anything by
’The Clash At Demonhead’?

JULIE
Have you tried the section marked
’The Clash At Demonhead’?

SCOTT
Thank you, Julie.

JULIE
Are you coming to my party Friday
or will you be busy babysitting?

SCOTT
Thank you, Julie.
(to Knives)
You don’t want to listen to her.
And you definitely don’t want to
listen to them.

Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, I heart them so much.
13.

SCOTT
I hearted them too until they
signed to a major label and the

SCOTT
singer turned into a total bitch
and ruined my life. But that’s just
me.

KNIVES CHAU
(oblivious)
Envy Adams is sooo cool. Do you
read her blog?

SCOTT
Sorry, you were saying about me?

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Coming-of-age
Tone: Light-hearted, Playful, Quirky

Summary Wallace and Scott encounter Knives and her friend outside a Catholic school. Despite Wallace's warnings, Scott and Knives bond over music and culture, spending time at an arcade, shopping, and visiting a record store. Knives expresses her admiration for Scott's band, but Scott dismisses the singer's decision to sign with a major label, leaving Knives unaware of his bitterness.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Authentic character interactions
Nostalgic references

Weaknesses

Lack of deep emotional impact
Minimal character development

General Critique

The scene transitions from Wallace and Scott outside the Catholic school to the arcade without a clear connection or smooth transition, which can be jarring for the audience.
The dialogue between Scott, Knives, and Wallace lacks depth and meaningful interaction, feeling more like surface-level banter without much substance.
The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction, with the characters engaging in random activities like playing a video game and shopping for T-shirts without advancing the plot or developing the characters.
The interaction between Scott and Knives feels superficial and lacks emotional depth, making it difficult for the audience to invest in their relationship or care about their interactions.
The dialogue about music and bands, while attempting to establish Knives' admiration for Scott's band, comes across as forced and unnatural, failing to create a genuine connection between the characters.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a clear transition between the scenes to improve the flow and coherence of the narrative.
Focus on developing meaningful and engaging dialogue that reveals more about the characters' motivations, emotions, and relationships.
Give the scene a clear purpose or goal to drive the characters' actions and interactions, ensuring that every scene contributes to the overall story arc.
Enhance the emotional depth of the interaction between Scott and Knives to make their relationship more compelling and relatable to the audience.
Revisit the dialogue about music and bands to make it more authentic and organic, allowing the characters' personalities and dynamics to shine through.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

15 EXT. SNOWY TORONTO STREET - DAY 15

Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk.

KNIVES CHAU
I mean, I’ve...I’ve never gone out
with someone so talented.

SCOTT
You go out with a lot of guys?

KNIVES CHAU
...no.

SCOTT
Yeah, so whatever, man!

KNIVES CHAU
I’ve never even kissed a guy.

Knives blushes and looks at the ground. Scott hugs her.

SCOTT
Me neither.

16 EXT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - DAY 16

Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace’s
apartment.

KNIVES CHAU
So this is your secret lair? Can I
come in?
14.

SCOTT
My secret lair is one of those ’no
girls allowed’ deals.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, okay.

SCOTT
But do you want to see the house
where I grew up?

KNIVES CHAU
Sure.

They literally walk across the street to a small house.

SCOTT
Here you go.

KNIVES CHAU
Wow.

SCOTT
Yeah. Wow.

Wind blows. The light snowfall turns into sand...

17 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - HOTTEST DAY 17

...Scott wanders alone through a barren land. He falls to
his knees next to a lonely cactus.

SCOTT
Oh God...so...so alone.

A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands.

She wears fishnets, an army jacket, skirt and goggles. Her
pink hair is funky but cool. She is hotter than the desert
sun.

MYSTERIOUS GIRL
You’re not alone. You’re just
having some idiotic dream.

SCOTT
Does that mean we can make out? But
she’s gone...

INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - ?
15.

...SCOTT WAKES UP, sitting up in the FUTON.

SCOTT
Oh God...

Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott, rubbing his eyes.

WALLACE
What is it, Scott?

SCOTT
I had this totally weird dream.

OTHER VOICE
Oh God.

WALLACE
What is it, Scott?

A scruffy, goateed guy wakes right between Scott and
Wallace:

"OTHER SCOTT, 22, WALLACE’S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY
CURIOUS"

OTHER SCOTT
Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me
not interested.

SCOTT
But there was this girl...

WALLACE
Girl?

OTHER SCOTT
Was this an Envy related dream?

WALLACE
We don’t use the E-word in this
house.

SCOTT
No, it wasn’t her. It was somebody
new...

OTHER SCOTT
Yay for that.

Other Scott goes back to sleep. Wallace rubs his eyes.

WALLACE
16.

Speaking of new, weren’t you
supposed to take your fake high
school girlfriend to the library a
half-hour ago?

SCOTT
What? It’s like, six in the
morning.

Scott opens the bathroom door. Sunlight ignites the room.

SCOTT
Arrrrgh!

Genres: Romantic Comedy, Fantasy
Tone: Whimsical, Playful, Dreamy

Summary Scott and Knives discuss their lack of dating experience and hug. Scott shows Knives his childhood home. Scott falls asleep and dreams of a mysterious girl in the desert. He wakes up in Wallace's apartment and tells him about the dream, but Wallace's boyfriend interrupts.

Strengths

Quirky dialogue
Creative use of dream sequences
Humorous interactions

Weaknesses

Lack of significant plot progression
Low conflict level

General Critique

The transition from the snowy Toronto street to the dream desert feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a clear connection between the two settings.
The dialogue between Scott and Knives in the snowy street scene feels a bit forced and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to delve into their characters' emotions and motivations.
The introduction of the mysterious girl in the dream desert scene feels random and disconnected from the previous interaction between Scott and Knives.
The dialogue between Scott, Wallace, and Other Scott in Wallace's apartment lacks coherence and purpose, with the conversation jumping between topics without a clear focus.
The scene overall lacks a cohesive narrative thread and fails to effectively engage the audience in the characters' emotions and motivations.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the transition between the snowy street and dream desert scenes to create a smoother and more logical connection between the two settings.
Enhance the dialogue between Scott and Knives in the snowy street scene to deepen their characters' relationship and provide insight into their emotions and motivations.
Reevaluate the introduction of the mysterious girl in the dream desert scene to ensure it aligns with the overall narrative and contributes meaningfully to the story.
Refine the dialogue between Scott, Wallace, and Other Scott in Wallace's apartment to maintain a clear focus and drive the scene forward with purpose.
Work on strengthening the overall narrative coherence and emotional engagement of the scene to create a more compelling and impactful storytelling experience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

18 INT. THE LIBRARY - DAY 18

KNIVES CHAU
What’s wrong?

Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the
library. He carries a stack of books for Knives.

SCOTT
Libraries remind me of grade
school.

KNIVES CHAU
That must seem like a reeeeally
long time ago.

SCOTT
Uh. Let’s talk about something
else.

The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott’s attention. He
freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM
skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.

KNIVES CHAU
Do you know that girl?

The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON.CA to
the librarian. Scott’s gaze follows the GIRL as she blades
out of the library. Pensive guitar underscores his
thoughts.

KNIVES CHAU
Scott?

Scott continues to stare at the girl. Time slows to a
crawl.
17.

STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
SCOTT!

19 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 19

Scott stands in the rehearsal room, head still in the
clouds.

STEPHEN STILLS
You only played one note for that
entire song.

SCOTT
It was...uh...my hand slipped.

KIM PINE
Is your girlfriend distracting you?

SCOTT
My girlfriend?

A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch.

KNIVES CHAU
I’ll... I’ll be quieter.

STEPHEN STILLS
Let’s do that one again.

SCOTT
Sorry, what are we doing?

20 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT 20

STEPHEN STILLS
I told you like fifty times!

Scott, Kim Pine, Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an
icy Toronto street. Scott’s head is still in the clouds.

KIM PINE
We’re going to this party, retard.

SCOTT
Party?

YOUNG NEIL
At Julie’s.

SCOTT
18.

Ugh. I thought you guys split.

STEPHEN STILLS
We did. But, you know, there may be
some label guys there, so...

SCOTT
Aw, man. This is going to suck.

KIM PINE
At least it will give us something
to complain about.

SCOTT
Awww maaan...

21 INT. JULIE’S HOUSE - NIGHT 21

A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded
house party. Both have red plastic cups in hand.

SCOTT
...this sucks.

YOUNG NEIL
Sucks.

SCOTT
I’m going to go pee due to boredom.

Scott exits frame.

YOUNG NEIL
I have to pee.

Neil sips his drink.

Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek:
’COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)’

SCOTT
Hey Comeau.

COMEAU
Hey Scott. Some party huh? You
gettin’ your drink on?

SCOTT
This is Coke Zero. I don’t drink.

COMEAU
19.

You don’t drink? I remember you
getting ridiculously drunk off two
G&T’s one time and-

SCOTT
(quickly)
Comeau, you know everyone, right?

COMEAU
Pretty much.

SCOTT
Do you know this one girl with hair
like this?

Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona.

COMEAU
Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone
said she was coming tonight
actually.

SCOTT
WHAT?

COMEAU
You got the hots for her? I hear
she’s hardcore...

Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud...

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Drama
Tone: Light-hearted, Whimsical, Reflective

Summary Scott's focus is challenged when a rollerblading girl catches his attention. Despite being confronted by his bandmates about his distractions, he remains preoccupied with thoughts of Ramona Flowers. At a party, he receives news about her possible presence and leaves to search for her, neglecting his band and friends.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Character development
Intriguing setup for future plot twists

Weaknesses

Lack of immediate high stakes
Some pacing issues in transitioning between locations

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with Scott being distracted and unfocused throughout.
The introduction of the rollerblading girl from Scott's dream feels forced and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
The dialogue between Scott and Knives lacks depth and meaningful interaction, making their relationship seem superficial.
The transition to Stephen Stills' house feels abrupt and disjointed, leaving the audience confused about the scene's progression.
The party setup at Julie's house feels cliched and uninspired, lacking originality and depth.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves a specific narrative or character development goal.
Integrate the rollerblading girl's appearance more seamlessly into the scene to create a stronger connection to Scott's dream.
Enhance the dialogue between Scott and Knives to deepen their relationship and add emotional depth.
Smooth out the transition between locations to create a more cohesive flow in the storytelling.
Consider adding unique elements to the party scene at Julie's house to make it more engaging and memorable.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

22 INT. JULIE’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 22

Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his
plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA!

Aloof. Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to
her.

SCOTT
Hey, what’s up?

RAMONA
Nothing.

SCOTT
Hey, you know Pacman?

RAMONA
I know of him.

Scott begins to babble.
20.

SCOTT
Well you know Pac-Man was
originally Puckman but not because
Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck
and paku-paku-paku means flapping
your mouth and they changed it
because if you scratch out the "P"
and turn it into an "F"? You know?
Like...

RAMONA
Yeah that’s amazing.

SCOTT
Um...am I dreaming?

Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away.

SCOTT
I’ll leave you alone forever now.

23 "THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..." 23

Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks
around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude.
Ramona leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil.

SCOTT
DUDE!

YOUNG NEIL
WHA?

SCOTT
SHE’S TOTALLY REAL!

YOUNG NEIL
WHO?

SCOTT
RAMONA FLOWERS!

YOUNG NEIL
WHUH?

JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau.

SCOTT
DUDE. What do you know about Ramona
Flowers?!

COMEAU
21.

All I know is she’s American.

SCOTT
(exotically)
American...

COMEAU
But you should talk to Sandra and
Monique-

"SANDRA AND MONIQUE, 24, TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS"

SCOTT
LADYDUDES! What do you know about
Ramona Flowers?

MONIQUE
I think she has a boyfriend.

SANDRA
Some guy back in New York.

MONIQUE
Doesn’t she have the most
ridiculous name?

SANDRA
I know. It’s so ’Ramona Quimby,
Aged 8’ and yet...Flowers.

The girls laugh. Scott does not.

SCOTT
Yeah. What else?

JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone
about Ramona:

PARTYGOER #1
I heard she kicks all kind of ass.

PARTYGOER #2
She’s on another level.

PARTYGOER #3
She’s got men dying at her feet.

PARTYGOER #4
She’s got some battle scars.

PARTYGOER #5
Not to be entered into lightly.
22.

We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in
front of Scott, arms crossed. Stephen Stills is with her.

JULIE
What about Ramona Flowers?

SCOTT
You know her? Tell me. Now.

JULIE
She just moved here. Got a job with
Amazon. Comes into my work.

SCOTT
Does she really?

STEPHEN STILLS
Didn’t you say she just broke up
with someone, Jools?

SCOTT
Did she reeally?

STEPHEN STILLS
That they had a huge fight or
whatever?

SCOTT
Did they reeeally?

JULIE
...yes. But I didn’t want Scott to
know that, Stephen.

SCOTT
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-

JULIE
Scott, I forbid you from hitting on
Ramona. Even if you haven’t had a
real girlfriend in over a year-

STEPHEN STILLS
Hey whoa, whoa. Scott’s mourning
period is officially over. He’s
totally dating a high schooler.

JULIE
Dating a high schooler is the
mourning period.

STEPHEN STILLS
23.

She’s got a point.

SCOTT
I thought you guys broke up.

JULIE
I don’t want you scaring off the
coolest girl at my party Scott. We
all know you’re a total lady killer
wannabe jerky jerk.

SCOTT
That’s garbage! Completely untrue.

JULIE
That time with Lisa-

SCOTT
Misunderstanding.

JULIE
That time with Hollie-

SCOTT
Not what it looked like!

JULIE
That time you dumped Kim for-

SCOTT
Hey, me and Kim are all good now.

SCOTT looks to KIM. We hear the sound of arctic winds.

JULIE
Whatever, Ramona is out of your
league, let’s leave it at that. And
anyway, I’m not even sure she
really did have a big breakup. She
keeps mentioning some guy named
Gideon.

SCOTT
(not listening)
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-

JULIE
Forget it Scott!!!

Genres: Comedy, Romance
Tone: Humorous, Light-hearted, Sarcastic

Summary At a party, Scott clumsily tries to connect with Ramona but is ignored. Undeterred, he persists despite warnings from Julie about Ramona's elusive nature.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Humorous interactions between characters
Introduction of intriguing new character

Weaknesses

Low emotional impact
Minimal character development

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with Scott's scattered attempts to engage Ramona coming off as awkward and forced.
The dialogue between Scott and Ramona feels stilted and lacks depth, failing to establish a meaningful connection between the characters.
The rapid-fire sequence of Scott asking various partygoers about Ramona feels disjointed and overwhelming, detracting from the main interaction between Scott and Ramona.
The interaction between Scott and Julie, as well as Stephen Stills, adds unnecessary clutter to the scene and distracts from the central plotline.
The repetitive nature of Scott's fixation on Ramona and his obliviousness to the warnings from others becomes tiresome and lacks character development.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a more organic and engaging interaction between Scott and Ramona, allowing their chemistry to shine through naturally.
Streamline the sequence of Scott gathering information about Ramona to avoid overwhelming the audience and maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
Consider trimming down the dialogue with Julie and Stephen Stills to keep the scene more focused on the central relationship between Scott and Ramona.
Introduce more subtlety and nuance in Scott's pursuit of Ramona, showcasing his genuine interest and connection with her rather than superficial attempts at conversation.
Explore deeper emotional layers and character growth for Scott and Ramona to create a more compelling and authentic dynamic between them.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

24 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 24
24.

Scott lies on the futon, WIDE awake. Wallace storms in.

WALLACE
Guess who’s druuunk?

SCOTT
I guess Wallace.

WALLACE
You guess right.

Wallace flops onto the futon, landing next to Scott.

SCOTT
So, that girl. From my dream.

WALLACE
Girl. Okay...

SCOTT
I saw her at the library...

WALLACE
Library...can I pretend we’re
talking about a guy?

SCOTT
So then I’m at this party, and hey!
There she is.

WALLACE
There he is.

SCOTT
I think she’s...

WALLACE
You think he’s...

SCOTT
I think she’s the girl of my
dreams.

WALLACE
Mmm. Then you should break up with
your fake high school girlfriend.

SCOTT
I’ve never been so sure about
something.

WALLACE
25.

Then you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.

SCOTT
What’s that?

WALLACE
Break...up...fake...high
school...girlfriend...

SCOTT
I’m not getting it, friend.

Wallace drifts off. RINGY RING! Scott answers. INTERCUT
with STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.

STACEY
You’re thinking of juggling two
chicks!?

SCOTT
Not even!

STACEY
Well, you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.

SCOTT
Wait. Who told you?

STACEY
Duh. Wallace.

SCOTT
He’s not even conscious!

STACEY
Whatever. You of all people should
know how sucky it is to get cheated
on.

SCOTT
Don’t you have a job to do?

STACEY
You’re right. I should send out a
mass text about this. Bye.

Scott looks to Wallace, who is out cold, cellphone in hand.

SCOTT
Wallace, how do you do that?
26.

HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room!

SCOTT (O.S.)
WALLACE!

Wallace sits bolt upright. Scott sits at Wallace’s
computer.

SCOTT
Amazon.ca. What’s the website for
that?

WALLACE
...Amazon.ca.

SCOTT
Awesome! I have to order something
reeeally cool.

COMPUTER
"You’ve got mail!"

SCOTT
Dude! This thing claims I have
mail!

WALLACE
It’s amazing what they can do with
computers these days.

SCOTT
Dude! Now I’m reading it!

WALLACE
I’m so happy for you.

SCOTT
"Dear Mr. Pilgrim, It has come to
my attention that we will be
fighting soon. My name is Matthew
Patel, and I’m" blah blah "fair
warning" blah blah...hmm. This
is...this is...THIS IS...!!!

WALLACE
WHAT?!

SCOTT
This is boring. Delete!

’CLICK.’ Scott walks to the front door. Moments pass.

WALLACE
27.

Scott. Are you waiting for the
package you just ordered?

SCOTT
Maybe.

WALLACE
It’s the weekend. It won’t ship
until Monday at the earliest.

DINGY DONG. Scott JUMPS to his feet.

SCOTT
You were saying?

Scott opens the door. It’s KNIVES CHAU!

SCOTT
Heyyy...

KNIVES CHAU
Attack hug!

Knives smothers Scott.

SCOTT
Attack hug. That’s cute.

He plasters on his best fake smile.

KNIVES CHAU
Remember you were supposed to meet
me at the bus stop a half-hour ago?

SCOTT
How could I possibly forget?

Genres: Comedy, Romance
Tone: Humorous, Light-hearted, Sarcastic

Summary Scott and Wallace discuss the girl of Scott's dreams. Stacey calls Scott and tells him to break up with his fake high school girlfriend. Knives Chau shows up at Scott's door and gives him an attack hug.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Character development
Setting up future conflicts

Weaknesses

Some elements may feel repetitive or predictable

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear direction and purpose, with Scott rambling about his dream girl without much substance or development.
The dialogue between Scott and Wallace feels disjointed and lacks a natural flow, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the scene.
The transition between Scott's conversation with Wallace and the phone call with Stacey feels abrupt and disconnected, leading to a jarring shift in tone.
The humor in the scene falls flat, with forced jokes and awkward interactions that do not land effectively.
There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, making it feel superficial and unengaging.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves to advance the plot or develop the characters in a meaningful way.
Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on creating authentic interactions between the characters.
Smooth out the transitions between different moments in the scene to create a more cohesive and fluid narrative flow.
Enhance the humor by incorporating wit and clever wordplay, avoiding forced jokes or awkward humor that may not resonate with the audience.
Inject more emotional depth and character growth into the scene to make it more compelling and resonate with the audience on a deeper level.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

25 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 25

Scott and Knives flip through the record bins, out of sync.

KNIVES CHAU
Yearbook club is getting SO boring.
I cannot believe the music they put
on while we work.

SCOTT
That’s sucky.

26 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 26
28.

Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. Scott sits on a couch
next to the DO NOT SIT sign, still distracted.

KNIVES CHAU
Hannah broke up with Alan and now
she’s all into Derek...

SCOTT
Uh huh.

27 EXT. PIZZA PIZZA - DAY 27

Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. Knives chows
down on a slice. Scott doesn’t eat, his thoughts elsewhere.

KNIVES CHAU
...but Tamara claims she has dibs
on Derek.

SCOTT
I tell ya’.

28 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 28

Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION, side by side.

Scott plays halfheartedly, his timing off.

KNIVES CHAU
Combo!

Knives goes to flip over Scott, but he messes up. THE
MIRROR IMAGE of Scott’s videogame avatar appears on screen.

KNIVES CHAU
Uh oh, NegaNinja.

NEGANINJA - squares up against Scott’s avatar.

SCOTT
I can never get past that guy.

Scott has his little videogame head cut off. The
"CONTINUE?"

countdown comes up...10...9...8...

KNIVES CHAU
Do you want to keep going?
29.

Scott takes a long look at Knives.

SCOTT
Um, I think...I think...

Scott takes a deep breath. This is never easy. 3...2...1...

29 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 29

STEPHEN STILLS
Game on, everybody. Game. On.

An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. Scott tunes his
bass, alone by the window, staring out.

STEPHEN STILLS
I got us a show.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
OH MY GOSH WHEN?!

Knives BURSTS into frame. Scott winces.

STEPHEN STILLS
Wednesday, The Rockit. And even
better? It’s the T.I.B.B.

KNIVES CHAU
The Toronto International Battle of
The Bands?!

STEPHEN STILLS
S’right. This guy at work was like
"Steve, do you know anyone in a
band?" and I was like ’I’m in a
band.’ and he was like ’You’re in a
band?’ and I was like ’Yeah I’m
totally in a band’ -

KIM PINE
Great story, man.

KNIVES CHAU
Is there a prize or something?!

STEPHEN STILLS
Only a record deal with G-man
Graves!

SCOTT
What? Who?
30.

KNIVES CHAU
You don’t know?

STEPHEN STILLS
Indie Producer of the millennium?!

SCOTT
Oh.

YOUNG NEIL
Whoa.

Stills gestures to Knives’ home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.

STEPHEN STILLS
If we win...it won’t just be Knives
wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. It’ll
be the cool kids too.

Knives can barely contain herself. She grabs Scott.

KNIVES CHAU
I will do everything I can to get
out of study group and come.

SCOTT
Sure. Great.

We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, who are you battling?

STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Crash and the Boys.

YOUNG NEIL (O.S.)
That one band with Crash? And those
Boys?

KIM PINE
Yeah that’s the one.

YOUNG NEIL
I hate them!

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, I hate them too!

STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Yeah, they suck.
31.

30 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE, BATHROOM - EVENING 30

Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. The PEE BAR above
his head slowly reduces. He stares at himself in the
mirror.

Scott exits the bathroom, entering...

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Drama
Tone: Light-hearted, Whimsical, Nostalgic

Summary Scott and Knives go shopping and Knives fills Scott in on the latest gossip and drama. While she's excited, Scott seems distracted and uninterested. At the arcade, Knives shares some exciting news, but Scott remains distant. The conflict in this scene stems from Scott's preoccupation and disinterest, putting a damper on the excitement.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Introduction of new plot elements
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Lack of immediate conflict resolution
Limited character growth in this scene

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with Scott and Knives flipping through record bins and engaging in mundane conversations that don't add much to the overall story.
Scott's distracted and disinterested behavior towards Knives comes off as unengaging and unempathetic, making it difficult for the audience to connect with his character.
The dialogue between Scott and Knives feels forced and lacks depth, failing to create any meaningful or compelling interactions between the characters.
The transition between different locations and conversations feels disjointed and abrupt, making it challenging for the audience to follow the scene's progression.
The scene fails to build tension or advance the plot, leaving the audience with a sense of stagnation and lack of development.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more meaningful and engaging dialogue that reveals character motivations and emotions, creating a deeper connection with the audience.
Focus on developing a clear objective or conflict within the scene to drive the characters' actions and interactions, adding depth and tension to the narrative.
Streamline the transitions between locations and conversations to create a more cohesive and fluid scene that is easier for the audience to follow.
Explore ways to make Scott and Knives' interactions more dynamic and impactful, showcasing their relationship dynamics and character growth.
Consider incorporating elements that propel the plot forward and contribute to the overall story arc, ensuring that each scene serves a purpose in the larger narrative.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

31 INT. DREAM HIGH SCHOOL - ? 31

...a long, empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. Scott’s footsteps
echo as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on
it... RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door, skating past
Scott and down the hall, PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in
her hand.

Scott runs after her, around a corner, down a row of
LOCKERS leading to...the outside of WALLACE’S APARTMENT???

32 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - MORNING 32

Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front
door, THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as
she presses the doorbell. DINGY DONG...

SCOTT
Hi, um, I was thinking about asking
you out, but then I realized how
stupid that would be.
(beat)
So do you wanna go out sometime?

RAMONA
Um, no, that’s okay. You just have
to sign for this alright?

SCOTT
I just woke up, and you were in my
dream. I dreamt you were delivering
me this package. Is that weird?

RAMONA
It’s not weird at all.

SCOTT
It’s not?

RAMONA
32.

No, it’s just like, you’ve got this
really convenient subspace highway
running through your head that I
like to use. It’s like three miles
in fifteen seconds.

SCOTT
Right...

RAMONA
Oh yeah. I forgot you guys don’t
have that in Canada.

SCOTT
You don’t remember me do you? I met
you at the party the other day.

RAMONA
Were you the Pac-Man guy?

SCOTT
No. Not even. That was some total
ass. I was the other guy. You’re
Ramona Flowers right?

RAMONA
That’s me.

SCOTT
So, you’re like American?

RAMONA
Why, am I coming off as rude?

SCOTT
Not at all. Noooooo...

Scott stands in awe of Ramona. She gives him a pen.

RAMONA
You know...you need to sign for
this. Whatever this is?

SCOTT
It’s something really cool. You’d
be impressed.

RAMONA
You still have to sign.

SCOTT
But if I sign for it, you’ll leave.
33.

RAMONA
Yeah. That’s how it works.

SCOTT
Okay well, can we just maybe just
hang out sometime? Get to know each
other? You’re the new kid on the
block, right? I’ve lived here
forever. I mean...there are reasons
for you to hang out with me?

RAMONA
You’re all over the place.

SCOTT
You are like...my dream girl.

RAMONA
I need to find a new route.

SCOTT
Either that or you need to start
hanging out with me.

RAMONA
You want me to hang out with you?

SCOTT
Um...you know...if that’s cool.

RAMONA
If I say yes, will you sign for
your damn package?

Scott finally signs on the dotted line. And throws the
package straight in the trash.

SCOTT
Done. So, yeah. Eight o’clock?

Genres: Romantic Comedy, Fantasy
Tone: Whimsical, Awkward, Dreamy

Summary Scott exits the bathroom and spots Ramona skating down the hall. He follows her to Wallace's apartment and asks her out, but she declines. He learns that Ramona uses his dream space as a shortcut to deliver a package, which he signs for without opening. After Ramona leaves, Scott discards the package in the trash.

Strengths

Quirky dialogue
Dream-like atmosphere
Romantic tension

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene transitions from a dream high school hallway to Wallace's apartment, which may be confusing for the audience as the connection between the two locations is not clear.
The dialogue between Scott and Ramona feels a bit forced and awkward, lacking a natural flow in their interaction.
Scott's behavior towards Ramona comes off as overly eager and desperate, which may not be the best way to establish a romantic connection between the characters.
The pacing of the scene could be improved by adding more depth to the conversation between Scott and Ramona, allowing for a more meaningful interaction.
The scene lacks subtlety in portraying Scott's infatuation with Ramona, making it feel more contrived than genuine.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the transition between the dream high school hallway and Wallace's apartment to ensure a smoother flow of the scene.
Refine the dialogue between Scott and Ramona to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on building a connection between the characters.
Tone down Scott's eagerness and desperation in pursuing Ramona to create a more realistic and relatable dynamic between them.
Add depth to the conversation between Scott and Ramona by exploring their personalities, interests, and motivations to make their interaction more authentic.
Consider adding subtlety and nuance to Scott's feelings towards Ramona to create a more nuanced and believable romantic subplot.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

33 EXT. PARK - NIGHT 33

Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the
park. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them.

SCOTT
Why are you just standing there?

RAMONA
Dude, I’m totally waiting on you.

SCOTT
34.

Sorry, I just assumed you were too
cool to be on time.

RAMONA
Well. You assumed wrong.

SCOTT
So what do you want to do? We could
get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip
through some records at Sonic Boom.
Oh, or there’s this awesome game
called Ninja Ninja Revolution at-

RAMONA
I’m not into simulated violence.

SCOTT
I’m cool with whatever you want to
do.

RAMONA
This is good.

Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park.

SCOTT
This is good. So how’d you end up
in Toronto?

RAMONA
Just needed to escape I guess.

SCOTT
Oh yeah?

RAMONA
I got this job here. And Gideon had
always said Toronto was one of the
great cities so...

SCOTT
Is Gideon...is he your boyfriend?

RAMONA
He’s...a friend.

SCOTT
Was he your boyfriend?

RAMONA
Do you mind if we don’t get into
that right now?
35.

SCOTT
It’s so not interesting to me.

They sit on some swings in the park.

RAMONA
So what about you? What do you do?

SCOTT
I’m between jobs.

RAMONA
Between what and what?

SCOTT
My last job is a long story filled
with sighs.

RAMONA
I know plenty of those.

SCOTT
Is that why you left New York?

RAMONA
Pretty much. It was time to head
somewhere a little more chilled.

SCOTT
Well, it’s certainly chilled here.

RAMONA
Yeah.

SCOTT
Uh, chilled as in cold.

RAMONA
Yeah.

SCOTT
I’m totally obsessed with you.

RAMONA
I didn’t mean to get you obsessed.

SCOTT
I just haven’t been obsessed with a
girl for a long time. It’s weird.

RAMONA
That’s probably because you sleep
with a guy.
36.

SCOTT
Um...

RAMONA
I was guessing from your apartment,
but you totally do!

SCOTT
It’s... we’re just poor! We can’t
afford two beds! We’re not gay!
Actually... no... Wallace is pretty
gay.

RAMONA
Dude, relax. I believe you. You’re
too desperate to be gay.

SCOTT
I feel so stupid.

RAMONA
Aw... you’re probably not that
stupid.

Laughing, Ramona hops off her swing.

SCOTT
I’m... mostly stupid.

RAMONA
Well, you’re definitely stupid if
you want to go out with me.

SCOTT
Exactly, yeah.

The snowfall gets heavier.

RAMONA
This is ridiculous. Isn’t it like
April?

SCOTT
Yeah. I can barely see you. This
whole thing is an unmitigated
disaster.

RAMONA
I think ’act of God’ is a pretty
decent excuse for a lousy date.

SCOTT
So this is a ’date’, eh?
37.

RAMONA
Did I say ’date’? Slip of the
tongue.

SCOTT
Tongue...

The snow gets heavier still. Ramona walks away.

RAMONA
Anyway, night’s not over yet. I
think there’s a thingy up here
somewhere.

SCOTT
A thingy?

RAMONA
A door.

SCOTT
A door? I... I... I can’t see you.
I’m blind. Help me.

A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness.

Ramona opens the door. Scott and Ramona fall into
blackness...

Genres: Romance, Comedy, Drama
Tone: Playful, Awkward, Intimate

Summary Scott and Ramona meet in a snow-covered park at night, where they bond over their shared awkwardness and discuss their pasts. Despite a minor conflict regarding Scott's living situation, they find common ground and end up entering a mysterious door together.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Chemistry between characters
Unique setting

Weaknesses

Lack of major conflict
Some dialogue may feel repetitive

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, with Scott and Ramona engaging in superficial conversation that doesn't reveal much about their characters or advance the plot.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with Scott's attempts at flirtation coming across as awkward and Ramona's responses feeling detached.
There is a lack of depth in the interaction between Scott and Ramona, making it difficult for the audience to become emotionally invested in their relationship.
The scene relies heavily on cliched romantic tropes, such as the characters sitting on swings and discussing their pasts, without adding any unique or original elements to make it stand out.
The pacing of the scene is slow and meandering, with little to no tension or conflict to drive the narrative forward.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more depth to the conversation between Scott and Ramona by exploring their motivations, fears, and desires in a more meaningful way.
Focus on creating authentic and engaging dialogue that reveals the characters' personalities and drives the story forward.
Introduce more conflict or tension into the scene to keep the audience engaged and interested in the outcome of Scott and Ramona's interaction.
Explore unique and original ways to showcase the budding relationship between Scott and Ramona, rather than relying on cliched romantic tropes.
Consider tightening the pacing of the scene and ensuring that every moment serves a purpose in advancing the overall plot of the screenplay.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

34 INT. RAMONA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 34

Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona’s cozy, girl
friendly apartment. He watches as she slips out of her
coat.

RAMONA
What kind of tea do you want?

SCOTT
There’s more than one kind?

RAMONA
We have blueberry, raspberry,
ginseng, sleepytime, green tea,
green tea with lemon, green tea
with lemon and honey, liver
disaster, ginger with honey, ginger
without honey, vanilla almond,
white truffle, blueberry chamomile,
vanilla walnut, constant comment
and earl grey.
38.

SCOTT
Did you make some of those up?

RAMONA
I think I’ll have sleepytime.

SCOTT
That sounds good to me.

RAMONA
Let me get you a blanket.

SCOTT
That would actually be awesome.

Ramona exits. After a moment alone, Scott ventures
upstairs.

He wanders towards a half open door. Pushing it open, he
finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt.

RAMONA
Dude! I’m changing.

Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK.

SCOTT (O.S.)
AAAH! Sorry, I’m just...cold!

RAMONA (O.S.)
Here, does this help?

SCOTT (O.S.)
That’s...very warm. What is that?

Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him.

SCOTT
Ohh...kay.

They look into each others eyes...camera circles Scott and
Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session. Scott
imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky
bassline. Ramona breaks off, smiling. Scott is in heaven.

SCOTT
Were you..were you just going to
bring the blanket from your bed?

RAMONA
I guess...
39.

SCOTT
Maybe...maybe we should both get
under it...since we’re so cold.

RAMONA
Well...what about our tea?

SCOTT
I can...not have tea.

The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt
off, revealing black panties to complement black bra. Scott
takes his shirt off. They tumble onto the bed and make out.
Then-

RAMONA
I changed my mind.

SCOTT
Changed it to what? From what?

RAMONA
I don’t want to have sex with you,
Pilgrim. Not right now.

SCOTT
Ohh...kay.

RAMONA
It’s not like I’m gonna send you
home in a snowstorm or anything.
You can sleep in my bed. And I
reserve the right to change my mind
about the sex later.

Ramona curls up next to Scott.

SCOTT
This is cool, just this. It’s been
like a really long time, and this
is...I think I needed this.
Whatever this is. So, thanks.

RAMONA
You’re welcome.

They exchange a smile. Then without warning we jump cut to
-

35 INT. RAMONA’S ROOM - MORNING 35
40.

DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. Ramona is gone. An arrow points to
the empty spot in the bed next to him.

’RAMONA’ Another arrow point out that-

’SHE’S IN THE SHOWER’ Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a
towel. Scott relaxes.

RAMONA
I have to work.

SCOTT
Work?

RAMONA
You have to leave.

Genres: Romance, Comedy
Tone: Playful, Intimate, Awkward

Summary Scott visits Ramona's cozy apartment, they have tea and end up making out in her bedroom. Ramona decides not to have sex with Scott but allows him to sleep in her bed. The scene ends with Scott waking up in the morning and Ramona telling him he has to leave because she has to work.

Strengths

Intimate atmosphere
Effective dialogue
Character development

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited action

General Critique

The scene starts off with a playful and light-hearted tone, with Scott and Ramona engaging in witty banter about tea choices. However, the transition to Scott entering Ramona's bedroom and finding her in her bra and skirt feels abrupt and slightly uncomfortable.
The sudden shift to a make-out session between Scott and Ramona lacks a smooth buildup or emotional depth, making it feel rushed and lacking in genuine connection between the characters.
The dialogue between Scott and Ramona after their make-out session feels awkward and forced, especially when Ramona changes her mind about having sex with Scott. The interaction lacks authenticity and emotional resonance.
The scene could benefit from more nuanced and realistic character interactions, as well as a more gradual progression of intimacy between Scott and Ramona.
The jump cut to the morning after, with Ramona gone and Scott left alone in bed, feels jarring and disrupts the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider building up the romantic tension between Scott and Ramona more gradually, allowing for a more natural and believable progression of their relationship.
Focus on developing the emotional depth and authenticity of the characters' interactions, especially during intimate moments, to create a more engaging and relatable scene.
Provide more context and background to enhance the connection between Scott and Ramona, allowing for a deeper exploration of their feelings and motivations.
Smooth out the transitions between different moments in the scene to maintain a cohesive and coherent narrative flow.
Consider revising the dialogue to make it more organic and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions, adding depth and complexity to their interactions.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

36 EXT. RAMONA’S APARTMENT - MORNING 36

Ramona skates towards the front gate, Scott walking next to
her. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks.

SCOTT
Hey, can this not be a one night
stand? For one thing, I didn’t even
get any...that was a joke.

RAMONA
What did you have in mind?

SCOTT
Umm...oh, come to the first round
of this battle of the bands thing.

RAMONA
(totally unimpressed)
You have a band?

SCOTT
Yeah, we’re terrible. Please come.

RAMONA
Sure.

Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow...(somehow)

SCOTT
Wait! Can I get your number?

SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop, right back next to
Scott. She hands him a note. ’RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665,
xxxxxxx’
41.

SCOTT
Wow, girl number.

Scott looks back up. Ramona is already skating far, far
away.

RAMONA
See you at the show, Scott Pilgrim.

SCOTT
Oh, hey! It’s tonight...At The-

37 INT. THE ROCKIT - NIGHT 37

’THE ROCKIT, FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET’

Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of
young hipsters, reaching Scott at the bar. He stands with
Wallace and Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing
glasses.

SCOTT
You totally came!

RAMONA
Yes. I did totally come.

Scott is so amazed at her presence, his social skills
vanish.

STACEY
Excuse my brother. He’s chronically
enfeebled. I’m Stacey.

RAMONA
Hey.

STACEY
And this is Wallace, his room-mate.

WALLACE
Hey.

STACEY
And this is my boyfriend Jimmy.

WALLACE
(staring at Jimmy)
Heyyy.

STACEY
And this is Knives, Scott’s-
42.

Scott goes white. He didn’t even see Knives come in.

SCOTT
HEYYYYYYYY!

KNIVES CHAU
Hey.

Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. He pushes her away. Knives
looks kinda sexy, wearing makeup and new clothes.

KNIVES CHAU
Do you like?

SCOTT
I...uh...

LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. Stacey stares at Scott. Knives
and Ramona stare at each other. Wallace stares at Jimmy.

SCOTT
Have. To. Go.

Scott scurries off. We hear feedback from a mic onstage.

PROMOTER (O.S.)
This next band are from Brampton
and they are Crash And The Boys.

38 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 38

Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping
through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band.

STEPHEN STILLS
This is a nightmare. Is this a
nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake
up.

KIM PINE
Once we’re on stage you’ll be fine.

STEPHEN STILLS
We were just on stage. For sound
check. The sound guy hated us.

SCOTT
It’s just nerves! Pre-show jitters.
People love us. Right?
43.

Scott sounds less than convincing. He looks up at Ramona
and Knives sitting with Wallace, Jimmy and Stacey in the
BALCONY.

39 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 39

Crash and The Boys tune up. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy.

WALLACE
Jimmy. Do they rock or suck?

JIMMY
They...haven’t started playing yet.

WALLACE
That was a test, Jimmy. You passed.

CRASH
Good evening. I am Crash, and these
are the Boys.

WALLACE
IS THAT GIRL A BOY, TOO?

CRASH
Yes.

TRASHA, 8 year old girl drummer, gives Wallace the finger.

40 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 40

Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. Kim glowers.

KIM PINE
They have a girl drummer?

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Music
Tone: Awkward, Light-hearted, Humorous

Summary At a battle of the bands competition, Scott invites Ramona to attend, intimidated by his ex-girlfriend Knives' presence. Sex Bob-omb watches their rivals, Crash and the Boys, tune up, feeling intimidated by their girl drummer.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Engaging interactions
Character dynamics

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Predictable plot points

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition from Scott asking Ramona to come to the battle of the bands to them being at the venue. It feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition.
The dialogue between Scott and Ramona is somewhat awkward and lacks depth. It could be more engaging and revealing of their characters and relationship.
The introduction of Knives and the interaction between her, Scott, and Ramona feels rushed and lacks nuance. The tension between the characters could be more subtly portrayed.
The backstage scene with Stephen Stills obsessing over the rival band could be more dynamic and engaging. It currently feels static and repetitive.
The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or sense of direction, leaving the reader wanting more closure or development.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief transition scene showing Scott and Ramona on their way to the venue, to provide context and continuity.
Enhance the dialogue between Scott and Ramona to delve deeper into their characters and relationship, adding more depth and authenticity.
Refine the interaction between Knives, Scott, and Ramona to build tension and complexity in their dynamic.
Add more movement and action to the backstage scene with Stephen Stills to make it more engaging and dynamic.
Provide a clearer resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

41 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 41

CRASH
This is called "I am so sad. I am
so very very sad." And it goes a
little something like this.

Crash and the Boys play a whole song in .04 seconds.

CRASH
Thank you.

Wallace yells from the balcony.
44.

WALLACE
IT’S NOT A RACE, GUYS!

CRASH
This song is for the guy who keeps
yelling from the balcony, and it’s
called "We Hate You, Please Die."

WALLACE
Sweet, I love this one!

Crash continues his rampage of musical hate.

42 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 42

STEPHEN STILLS
These guys are good. Are these guys
good?

Kim Pine scowls harder than ever.

STEPHEN STILLS
These guys are good.

43 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 43

CRASH
This is called "Last Song Kills
Audience". It’ll be our last song
tonight and your last song EVER...

Sound explodes from the stage. The audience are stunned.

44 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 44

Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band.

STEPHEN STILLS
How are we supposed to follow this?
We’re not going to win, we’re not
gonna sign with G-Man and we’ll
never play opening night at the
Chaos Theatre.
(FREAKING OUT)
GODDAMN IT SCOTT, WILL YOU STOP
JUST STANDING THERE, YOU’RE
FREAKING ME OUT!

45 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 45
45.

As Crash And The Boys climax, Stacey turns to Ramona.

STACEY
So, how do you know Scott?

RAMONA
He’s...um. He’s a friend.

STACEY
Hard for me to keep track
sometimes. He has so many friends.

Ramona arches an eyebrow. Stacey turns to Knives and
Tamara.

STACEY
So Knives, how did you meet Scott?

46 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 46

Scott looks up into the balcony, sees Stacey talking to
Knives. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the
face.

SCOTT
We gotta play now and loud!

47 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 47

Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives’ story.

KNIVES CHAU
Well, I was on the bus with my Mom-

Knives freezes, staring at the stage.

RAMONA
Is that seriously the end of the
story?

KNIVES CHAU
OH MY GOSH, they’re on!

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Music
Tone: Humorous, Intense, Exciting

Summary Crash and the Boys perform an incredibly fast song at The Rockit, followed by a song directed at Wallace for heckling them. Backstage, Stephen Stills worries about his band's chances of winning the competition. Stacey asks Ramona and Knives how they know Scott, leading Knives to start telling her story before Sex Bob-omb takes the stage. Scott slaps Stephen Stills and insists they need to play loud, ending the scene with tension and competitiveness.

Strengths

Dynamic competition setting
Engaging character interactions
Humorous dialogue

Weaknesses

Some characters' motivations may be unclear at times

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus on the main characters, Scott and Ramona, as it primarily revolves around Crash and the Boys' performance.
There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in this scene, as it mainly consists of Crash and the Boys playing fast songs and insulting the audience.
The dialogue between Stacey, Ramona, and Knives feels disconnected from the main storyline and does not contribute to the overall plot progression.
The transition between the backstage and balcony scenes is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
The tension and stakes of the battle of the bands competition are not effectively conveyed in this scene, making it feel less impactful.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus more on Scott and Ramona's reactions to the performance and the unfolding events at the venue to deepen their characters and the audience's engagement.
Integrate the dialogue between Stacey, Ramona, and Knives more seamlessly into the main storyline to ensure it adds value to the overall narrative.
Consider adding moments of tension and conflict between the characters to heighten the stakes of the competition and create a more engaging scene.
Explore ways to visually represent the emotional dynamics between the characters through their actions and reactions during the performance.
Ensure a clear connection between the events at the venue and the characters' internal struggles and motivations to maintain a cohesive and compelling storyline.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

48 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 48

ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic.

PROMOTER
46.

This next band is from Toronto
and...yeah. So give it up for
Sex...Bob-Omb?

SEX BOB-OMB walk on. Wallace and Knives give the only
cheers.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott...you ready?

Scott nods vigorously.

STEPHEN STILLS
Kim...you rea-

KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. ONE, TWO...

ANGLE on Knives. She faints in the excitement.

KIM PINE
THREE, FOUR!

Sex Bob-omb rock out, barely into the first verse when a
chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER
KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole, finger pointed at
Scott as he sails towards the stage!

MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a
lopsided fringe. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that
borders on flamboyant. He drags on a cigarette (blacked
out).

MATTHEW PATEL
Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew
Patel. Consider our fight...begun!

SCOTT
What did I do?

Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott.

SCOTT
What do I do?!

WALLACE
FIGHT!

Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with
his left arm, then PUNCHES him across the floor with his
right. Patel LANDS like a cat, FLIPS his fringe and GLARES
at Scott.
47.

MATTHEW PATEL
Alright. Alright.

WALLACE
Watch out! It’s that one guy!

SCOTT
Thank you, Wallace!

Patel RUNS at Scott. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and
sends him flying into the air. They land in THE PIT,
knocking hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting
circle.

MATTHEW PATEL
You’re quite the opponent, Pilgrim.

SCOTT
Who the hell are you anyway?

The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters.

MATTHEW PATEL
My name is Matthew Patel and I’m
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!

SCOTT
You’re what?

MATTHEW PATEL
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!

All eyes WHIP up to Ramona...

RAMONA
Anyone need another drink?

Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Scott blocks. Patel
punches. Scott blocks, then holds his hand up for a time-
out.

SCOTT
We’re fighting because of Ramona?

MATTHEW PATEL
Didn’t you get my e-mail explaining
the situation?

SCOTT
I skimmed it.

MATTHEW PATEL
You will pay for your insolence!
48.

Patel attacks, landing kicks and punches. Scott evades and
counter-attacks. Patel evades, then lands more punches.

Scott jump-spins away from danger. They pause, breathing
heavy.

WALLACE
What’s up with his outfit?

OTHER HECKLER
Yeah! Is he a pirate?

Scott looks at Patel’s outfit.

SCOTT
Are you a pirate?

MATTHEW PATEL
Pirates are in this year!

Patel attacks again. They exchange furious blows, until
Patel puts Scott in a choke hold. Scott looks up to Ramona.

SCOTT
You really went out with this guy?

RAMONA
Yeah, in the seventh grade.

The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the
balcony. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK.

RAMONA
It was football season and for some
reason, all the little jocks wanted
me. Matthew was the only non-white,
non-jock boy in school, probably in
the entire state, so we joined
forces and took ’em all out. We
were one hell of a team. Nothing
could beat Matthew’s mystical
powers. Nothing but pre-teen
capriciousness. We only kissed
once. After a week and a half, I
told him to hit the showers.

The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel.

SCOTT
Dude, wait...mystical powers?

Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona.
49.

MATTHEW PATEL
You’ll pay for this, Flowers!

Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG!

MATTHEW PATEL
If you want to fight me, you’re not
the brightest. You won’t know
what’s hit you in the slightest.

Patel levitates into the air. Four hot girls in skirts with
fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him.

MATTHEW PATEL
Me and my fireballs and my Demon
Hipster Chicks, I’m talking the
talk because I know I’m slick.

Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at
Scott.

He flips back onto the stage, narrowly dodging the attack.

MATTHEW PATEL
Fireball Girls! Take this sucker
down.

The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. Scott
dodges. The house drum kit is trashed behind him.

MATTHEW PATEL
Let us show him what we’re all
about.

Scott hits the ground, dodging a third wave of fireballs.

They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings.

SCOTT
That doesn’t even rhyme.

Scott rolls across the stage, GRABS one of Kim’s CYMBALS
and throws it Captain America style. It hits Patel square
in the eyes. POOF, the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish.

MATTHEW PATEL
This is impossible, how can it be?!

Scott leaps into the air. Patel opens his eyes just in time
to see Scott Pilgrim’s FIST racing towards his face.

SCOTT
Open your eyes. Maybe you’ll see.
50.

K.O! Scott punches Patel. He explodes into COINS. They
clatter to the stage floor. Scott lands and picks them up.

SCOTT
Sweet. Coins.

Genres: Action, Comedy, Fantasy, Musical
Tone: Humorous, Exciting, Fantastical

Summary In this scene, Sex Bob-Omb is performing on stage when Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend, Matthew Patel, crashes through the ceiling and challenges Scott Pilgrim to a fight. Patel displays mystical powers and summons demon hipster chicks to attack Scott. After a chaotic battle, Scott defeats Patel by punching him into coins, symbolizing his victory in the fight.

Strengths

Unique concept
Engaging action sequences
Witty dialogue

Weaknesses

Some may find the fantastical elements too over-the-top

General Critique

The scene starts off with a sudden and chaotic entrance of Matthew Patel, which may be confusing for the audience without proper context or buildup.
The dialogue and interactions between characters feel rushed and lack depth, especially in the midst of a fight scene.
The transition from Patel's mystical powers to a Bollywood song feels disjointed and out of place, disrupting the flow of the scene.
The fight sequence with the Demon Hipster Chicks shooting fireballs at Scott seems random and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
The resolution of the fight with Scott punching Patel into coins feels abrupt and lacks a satisfying conclusion.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Provide more context and buildup to Matthew Patel's entrance to make it more impactful and understandable.
Slow down the pace of the scene to allow for more meaningful interactions and dialogue between characters.
Consider reworking the transition from mystical powers to the Bollywood song to make it more seamless and coherent.
Integrate the fight with the Demon Hipster Chicks more organically into the scene to avoid it feeling like a random addition.
Revisit the resolution of the fight to provide a more satisfying and conclusive end to the conflict.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

49 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 49

Ramona makes her way out fast. Passes Stacey.

RAMONA
Well, it was great meeting you.
Tell your gay friends I said bye.

STACEY
Gay friends?

Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out.

STACEY
WALLACE?! Not again!

Ramona passes Knives, who is being resuscitated by Tamara.

50 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 50

Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them.

SCOTT
Aw man. $2.40? That’s not even
enough for the bus home.

RAMONA
I’ll lend you the 30 cents.

Ramona yanks Scott away. The Promoter ambles back onstage.

PROMOTER
Yeah...so like, Sex Bob-Omb wins.

51 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 51

Knives is now wide awake, clapping wildly from the balcony.

Her eyes scan the venue for Scott...but he is long gone.

52 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 52
51.

SCOTT
Sooooooo...

A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.

SCOTT
What was all that all about?

RAMONA
Uh, I guess...

Ramona takes a breath. Looks deep into Scott’s eyes.

RAMONA
If we’re going to date, you may
have to defeat my seven evil ex’s.

SCOTT
You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?

RAMONA
Seven ex’s, yes.

SCOTT
So I have to fight-

RAMONA
Defeat.

SCOTT
-defeat your seven evil ex’s if
we’re going to continue to date.

RAMONA
Pretty much.

SCOTT
So, what you’re saying is...
(beat)
We are dating?

RAMONA
Uh, I guess.

SCOTT
Cool. Do you want to make out?

RAMONA
Uh...

Scott kisses Ramona. The studio audience ’awwww’s.
52.

Genres: Romance, Comedy, Action
Tone: Humorous, Romantic, Action-packed

Summary Ramona quickly exits The Rockit, passing Stacey and Knives. Stacey is shocked to see Wallace and Jimmy making out. Ramona lends Scott money and they leave together. Knives claps for Sex Bob-Omb's win but doesn't see Scott. Scott and Ramona have a conversation on the bus about dating and defeating her seven evil exes. The conflict arises when Ramona reveals to Scott that he must defeat her seven evil exes to continue dating. The scene ends with Scott kissing Ramona on the bus, leading to a romantic moment.

Strengths

Engaging plot development
Well-developed characters
Mix of humor, action, and romance

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may feel repetitive or cliché

General Critique

The transition from Ramona quickly exiting The Rockit to Scott and Ramona having a conversation on the bus feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition.
The dialogue between Scott and Ramona on the bus lacks depth and emotional resonance, considering the significant revelation about the seven evil exes. It could be more impactful with added emotional depth and character development.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere, providing a more immersive experience for the audience.
The interaction between Scott and Ramona on the bus could be more dynamic and engaging to capture the audience's attention and build tension leading up to the revelation about the evil exes.
The scene could explore the emotional implications and consequences of the revelation about the seven evil exes on Scott and Ramona's budding relationship, adding depth and complexity to their dynamic.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition between Ramona exiting The Rockit and the conversation on the bus to improve the flow of the scene.
Enhance the dialogue between Scott and Ramona on the bus by adding emotional depth and character development to make the revelation about the evil exes more impactful.
Include more visual descriptions to enrich the setting and atmosphere of the scene, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.
Make the interaction between Scott and Ramona on the bus more dynamic and engaging to captivate the audience and build tension leading up to the revelation about the evil exes.
Explore the emotional implications and consequences of the revelation about the seven evil exes on Scott and Ramona's relationship to add depth and complexity to their dynamic.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

53 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - MORNING 53

A bleary Wallace fries bacon. Scott bursts through the
front door, a spring in his step. The studio audience
applauds.

WALLACE
Someone’s happy.

SCOTT
Well, someone got to second base
last night. And someone has a
second date tonight.

WALLACE
Someone’s lucky then.

SCOTT
You know when I say ’˜someone’, I
mean me, right? I got to second
base last night...maybe first and a
half.

Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott.

SCOTT
Oh, hey, I’m inviting Ramona over
for dinner, so you can’t be here
tonight. I don’t want you gaying up
the place.

WALLACE
Okay, Scott. But in return I have
to issue an ultimatum.

SCOTT
One of your famous ultimatums?

WALLACE
It may live in infamy...You have to
break up with Knives. Today. Okay?

Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace’s bacon.

SCOTT
But...but...it’s HARD.

WALLACE
If you don’t do it, I’m going to
tell Ramona about Knives. I swear
to God, Scott.

SCOTT
53.

But you...you’re...

At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom
and helps himself to coffee.

JIMMY
Morning.

Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly.

SCOTT
DOUBLE STANDARD!

WALLACE
I didn’t make up the gay rulebook.
If you have a problem with it, take
it up with Liberace’s Ghost.

SCOTT
You’re a monster.

WALLACE
Now put the bacon down and go do
your dirt while I watch the Lucas
Lee marathon on TBS Superstation.

SCOTT
Who’s Lucas Lee?

Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW
magazine.

WALLACE
He was this pretty good skater and
now he’s this pretty good actor.
He’s filming a Winifred Hailey
movie in Toronto right now.

SCOTT
They make movies in Toronto?

WALLACE
Yes. I am stalking him later.

SCOTT
So, this Lucas Lee-

WALLACE
Lucas Lee is not important to you
right now! Get out.

SCOTT
You suck. Surprising no one.
54.

Scott grumbles off. Wallace turns the television way up. We
see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller.

LUCAS LEE (ON TV)
Listen close and listen hard,
bucko. The next click is me hanging
up. The one after that...is me
pulling the trigger.

54 EXT. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET - DAY 54

A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone.

SCOTT
Oh, hey, Knives. Um, do you want
to, like, talk or whatever?

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like
a spring jacket? And a hoodie?

SCOTT
Ummm...

Scott checks what he’s wearing. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
And a dorky hat?!

SCOTT
It’s not dorky! Why are you
psychic?

A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass.

SCOTT
Oh. Uh...okay. Hi.

Genres: Comedy, Romance
Tone: Light-hearted, Humorous, Playful

Summary While Wallace cooks breakfast, Scott bursts in excited about a date. However, Wallace reveals he's inviting Ramona to dinner, forcing Scott to choose between Knives and Ramona. Wallace gives Scott an ultimatum: break up with Knives or he'll tell Ramona about her. Scott reluctantly agrees. As Wallace watches TV, Scott calls Knives from a payphone, but she tracks him down and appears at the payphone.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Character dynamics
Conflict setup

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Relatively low stakes

General Critique

The scene opens with a light-hearted and comedic tone, which is consistent with the overall style of the screenplay.
The banter between Scott and Wallace adds humor to the scene, but the dialogue could be more focused on advancing the plot or character development.
The ultimatum issued by Wallace to break up with Knives feels forced and lacks emotional depth. It could be more impactful if the reasons behind the ultimatum were explored further.
The interaction between Scott and Wallace regarding the gay rulebook and Liberace's Ghost feels out of place and detracts from the main storyline.
The introduction of Lucas Lee through the television adds an interesting element to the scene, but the transition from the ultimatum to Lucas Lee could be smoother.
The phone call between Scott and Knives introduces a sense of mystery and intrigue with Knives seemingly being psychic, but the execution of this revelation could be more engaging.
Overall, the scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with elements of humor and plot development feeling disjointed.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider refining the dialogue between Scott and Wallace to make the ultimatum more emotionally resonant and impactful.
Streamline the transition between the ultimatum and the introduction of Lucas Lee to maintain the scene's coherence.
Enhance the phone call between Scott and Knives by building up the mystery of Knives' psychic abilities in a more engaging way.
Ensure that each element introduced in the scene contributes to the overall plot and character development to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
Focus on tightening the pacing and structure of the scene to maintain the audience's engagement and drive the story forward effectively.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

55 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 55

The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.

Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE
CLASH AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY
ADAMS posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow
and mist.

KNIVES CHAU
I can’t believe they’re coming to
town. Will you take me to the show?
55.

SCOTT
Yeah, listen-

The SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder, pounding inside Scott’s head.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, hey, I wanted to invite you
over for dinner.

SCOTT
Like, Chinese food?

KNIVES CHAU
Yeah.

SCOTT
Hmm. It’s not my favorite.

KNIVES CHAU
Yeah. Well, to meet my parents.
It’s my birthday dinner.

SCOTT
Uh...I think that’s a really bad
idea. Like, really, just so bad.

KNIVES CHAU
No, it’s okay. Why?

SCOTT
Well I mean, I’m too old for you!

KNIVES CHAU
No you’re not! My Dad is nine years
older than my Mom...

SCOTT
And...and...are you even allowed to
date outside your race or whatever?

KNIVES CHAU
I don’t care. I’m in...LOVE!

Knives is so smitten, the word actually appears onscreen.

Scott brushes it away. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop.

SCOTT
Um, listen...I was thinking we
should break up or whatever.

KNIVES CHAU
Really?
56.

SCOTT
Yeah...um...it’s not going to work
out.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh...

Scott walks out, leaving Knives in the aisle.

Genres: Romance, Comedy, Drama
Tone: Awkward, Heartbreaking, Uncomfortable

Summary In a bustling record store, Knives' infectious excitement about a band's upcoming concert clashes with Scott's hesitation. Amidst the vinyl and standees, Knives extends an invitation to her birthday dinner, eager for Scott to meet her parents. However, Scott's discomfort with their age difference and cultural disparities leads him to break up with Knives, leaving her heartbroken.

Strengths

Authentic dialogue
Emotional depth
Character development

Weaknesses

Predictable outcome
Lack of surprise

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed.
The dialogue between Scott and Knives feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The use of onscreen text like 'LOVE' to emphasize Knives' feelings comes off as cheesy and detracts from the authenticity of the scene.
The resolution of the scene, with Scott abruptly deciding to break up with Knives, feels rushed and lacks emotional impact.
The spooky music motif is distracting and doesn't add much to the scene, feeling out of place.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to establish continuity.
Develop the dialogue between Scott and Knives to make it more authentic and emotionally resonant.
Avoid using onscreen text to emphasize emotions, instead focus on the actors' performances to convey feelings.
Build up the breakup moment between Scott and Knives to create a more impactful and meaningful scene.
Reconsider the use of the spooky music motif and explore other ways to enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

56 INT. THE BUS / RECORD STORE - DAY 56

Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Knives.
CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store, in shock.
ON THE BUS: Scott sighs, thinks of something happier...
CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading, her funky pink hair.
ON THE BUS: Scott smiles, a little happier.

57 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ BASEMENT 57

Sex Bob-Omb tune up. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.

KIM PINE
Where’s Knives? Not coming tonight?

SCOTT
Oh. No. We broke up.

Young Neil PAUSES his DS. Kim and Stills share a look.

SCOTT
OH! Check it out, I learned the
bass line from Final Fantasy 2.

Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune.

KIM PINE
Scott, you are the salt of the
earth.

SCOTT
Aw, thanks.

KIM PINE
Wait. I meant scum of the earth.

SCOTT
Aw, thanks.

YOUNG NEIL
You...you broke up with Knives?
57.

SCOTT
Yeah, but don’t worry, maybe you’ll
meet my new new girlfriend soon.

YOUNG NEIL
Newnew.

Kim mimes shooting herself. Stills unplugs Scott’s amp.

STEPHEN STILLS
Okay! From here on out, no
GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at
practice, whether they’re old, new
or new-new. We were lucky to
survive that last round. This is
sudden death now. Okay?

SCOTT
Okay!

DINGY DONG...

SCOTT
That’s for me.

Scott opens the door to see Ramona, now sporting BLUE HAIR.

SCOTT
Hey...you’re here?

RAMONA
Yes. Like you said. Is it not cool?

Scott ushers her in, weirded out by this hair development.

SCOTT
You know your hair?

RAMONA
I know of it.

SCOTT
It’s all blue.

RAMONA
Yeah. I just dyed it. Are you going
to introduce me?

SCOTT
Oh yeah, this is Stephen Stills,
Young Neil, that’s... Kim.

RAMONA
58.

Hey everyone.

Everyone mumbles back. Scott still stares at Ramona’s hair.

SCOTT
Is it weird not being pink anymore?

RAMONA
I change my hair every week and a
half, dude. Get used to it.
(to Sex-Bob-Omb)
So...uh...how do you guys all know
each other?

YOUNG NEIL
High school, I guess?

STEPHEN STILLS
What Neil said.

YOUNG NEIL
I’m Neil.

KIM PINE
Believe it or not, I actually dated
Scott in high school.

RAMONA
Got any embarrassing stories?

KIM PINE
Yeah. He’s an idiot.

Scott fake laughs. Starts ushering Ramona out again.

SCOTT
Okay. Cool. See you guys tomorrow.

STEPHEN STILLS
Uh, what about rehearsal?

SCOTT
Neil knows my parts.

YOUNG NEIL
(to Stills)
I’m Neil.

Genres: Comedy, Romance
Tone: Humorous, Awkward, Casual

Summary Scott reminisces about Knives and Ramona while the band deals with the aftermath of the breakup. The introduction of Ramona with blue hair creates an awkward atmosphere, which is further heightened by Scott's announcement of his split. Stephen Stills imposes a 'no girlfriend talk' rule, temporarily resolving the tension. The scene ends with Ramona's arrival and Scott's departure, leaving behind unresolved emotions and setting the stage for future developments.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Character dynamics
Humorous moments

Weaknesses

Lack of high stakes
Some predictable plot points

General Critique

The transition between Scott thinking about Knives on the bus and Knives being in shock at the record store is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
The dialogue between Scott and Ramona in Stephen Stills' basement feels a bit forced and lacks depth. It could benefit from more natural and meaningful interactions between the characters.
The introduction of Ramona's blue hair is a significant moment in the scene, but the reactions of the other characters, especially Scott, could be more impactful and reflective of their personalities.
The exchange between Kim Pine and Ramona about embarrassing stories and Scott being an idiot feels out of place and doesn't add much to the scene. It could be replaced with more meaningful dialogue that develops the characters or advances the plot.
The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with the interactions between the characters feeling disjointed and lacking a cohesive narrative thread.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider refining the transition between Scott and Knives to create a more seamless connection between the two moments.
Focus on developing more authentic and engaging dialogue between Scott, Ramona, and the other characters to deepen their relationships and add depth to the scene.
Enhance the impact of Ramona's blue hair reveal by exploring the characters' reactions in a more nuanced and meaningful way.
Replace the exchange about embarrassing stories with dialogue that serves to advance the plot or develop the characters in a more significant manner.
Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction contributes to the overall narrative and character development.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

58 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 58
59.

Ramona lounges, reading a magazine. A tense Scott hurries
around the kitchen area, preparing food as Wallace looks
on.

WALLACE
Are you doing okay there?

SCOTT
Yeah, good. Good.

Ramona goes to the bathroom. Scott drops the act.

SCOTT
She changed her hair.

WALLACE
So? It looks nice blue.

SCOTT
I know, but she changed it without
even making a big deal about it.
She’s spontaneous. Impulsive.
Fickle. Oh my god, what do I do?

WALLACE
I can’t believe you were worried
about me gaying up the place.

Ramona returns. Wallace pulls on a jacket.

RAMONA
How’s dinner coming along?

SCOTT
Yeah, good. Good.

WALLACE
I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. I’m
heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my
hetero crush.

Scott stops Wallace at the door, with a panicked whisper.

SCOTT
Don’t go.

WALLACE
Will you man the hell up? You could
get to 2nd and a half base.

SCOTT
You think so?
60.

WALLACE
Well, if you strike out in the next
hour, come find me at the Castle.

SCOTT
’If I strike out’?

WALLACE
Okay, ’when’. See you in sixty.

’15 MINUTES LATER’ Ramona and Scott eat on the floor,
picnic style. Scott has cooked garlic bread (and only
garlic bread) for dinner.

RAMONA
This is actually really good garlic
bread.

SCOTT
Garlic bread is my favorite food. I
could honestly eat it for every
meal. Or just all the time without
even stopping.

RAMONA
You’d get fat.

SCOTT
No. Why would I get fat?

RAMONA
Bread makes you fat.

SCOTT
Bread makes you FAT??

’15 MINUTES LATER’ A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his
bass guitar.

SCOTT
So I wrote a song about you.

RAMONA
Oh yeah?

SCOTT
Yeah, it goes like this: Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ooooh.

RAMONA
I can’t wait to hear it when it’s
finished.
61.

SCOTT
Finished?

’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott makes out with Ramona on the
futon.

Scott smiles as she runs her hands through his hair.

RAMONA
Your hair’s pretty shaggy.

SCOTT
OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON’T I?!?

Scott sits up like a shot. Ramona is taken aback.

RAMONA
What?

SCOTT
Ha. No, sorry. It’s just that I
got... I got a bad haircut right
before me and my big ex broke up.
But it’s so long ago, I can barely
remember it...

A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. Earl Jones deep.

NARRATOR
Scott is acutely aware that his
last salon haircut took place
exactly 431 days ago, three hours
before his big breakup. He blames
this largely on the haircut and has
been cutting his own hair ever
since.

RAMONA
Sounds like a bad time.

SCOTT
Not really.

NARRATOR
It was.

SCOTT
It was a mutual thing.

NARRATOR
It wasn’t.

SCOTT
62.

I mean, she told me it was mutual.

NARRATOR
She dumped him. It was brutal.

RAMONA
What was her name?

SCOTT
She was Nat when I knew her. But
she stopped liking that name.
Then...she stopped liking me...

RAMONA
Your hair is cute. I like it long.

SCOTT
But it’d be cuter short! Wouldn’t
it?!

Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears, now wearing
his dorky SNOW HAT, hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps.

RAMONA
What? Why are you wearing that?

SCOTT
I thought we could go for a walk.

Genres: Romance, Comedy
Tone: Anxious, Playful, Awkward

Summary Ramona and Scott hang out at Wallace's apartment, where Scott cooks garlic bread and serenades Ramona with a song. They end up making out on the futon, but Scott becomes self-conscious about his long hair and puts on a snow hat. Ramona reassures him that she likes his hair, resolving his insecurity.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Authentic character interactions
Romantic tension

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, jumping from one topic to another without a cohesive thread.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially Scott's panicked reactions and the interactions between the characters.
The pacing of the scene is inconsistent, with abrupt shifts in tone and mood that can be disorienting for the audience.
The humor in the scene comes across as forced and contrived, lacking the organic flow of genuine comedic moments.
The character interactions feel superficial and lack depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with their emotions and motivations.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a central theme or conflict for the scene to revolve around, providing a clear direction for the characters and dialogue.
Work on refining the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of each character's personality and emotions.
Consider restructuring the scene to improve the pacing and flow, allowing for smoother transitions between different moments.
Enhance the humor by incorporating more subtle and character-driven comedic elements, avoiding overly exaggerated reactions and jokes.
Deepen the character interactions by exploring their inner thoughts and feelings, creating more meaningful and engaging relationships on screen.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

59 EXT. ENDLESS STAIRWAY - NIGHT 59

’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY, long
handrail between them.

RAMONA
Tell me we didn’t come out here
just so you could cover your hair
with that hat.

SCOTT
Nooo. I just love me some walking.
Putting one leg in front of the
other.

RAMONA
You seem a little...heightened.

SCOTT
63.

Yeah. I don’t know. I just, when
I’m with you I feel like I’m on
drugs. Not that I do drugs, unless
you do, in which case I do drugs
all the time, every drug, but...you
make me feel...I don’t know. Things
seem a little brighter around you
or something.

Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and
NIGHT TURNS TO DAY, as if crossing a magical line.

RAMONA
What is this place?

SCOTT
A totally awesome castle. They’re
shooting this movie up here.

Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA, a castle
surrounded by big, bright movie set lights.

RAMONA
Who’s in it?

SCOTT
Winifred Hailey and some actor guy.

RAMONA
Oh, who?

SCOTT
I forget. Let’s find out.

Genres: null
Tone: null

Summary Scott and Ramona ascend an endless stairway, where Ramona confronts him about hiding his hair under a hat. Scott confesses that Ramona makes him feel heightened and "on drugs." At the top of the stairs, they behold Casa Loma, a castle surrounded by movie set lights, and discover Winifred Hailey's involvement in the film.

Strengths null

Weaknesses null

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with the dialogue feeling forced and unnatural.
The conversation between Scott and Ramona about his hat and walking comes across as awkward and unconvincing.
The transition from discussing Scott's hat to his feelings of being 'heightened' around Ramona feels abrupt and disjointed.
The dialogue about feeling like he's on drugs when he's with Ramona seems out of place and doesn't fit the tone of the scene.
The description of the setting and the magical line crossing from night to day feels cliched and lacks originality.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities.
Focus on developing a clear purpose for the scene to drive the conversation and interactions between Scott and Ramona.
Smooth out the transition between different topics of conversation to create a more cohesive flow.
Avoid cliched descriptions and aim for more unique and engaging details to enhance the setting.
Work on building a stronger emotional connection between Scott and Ramona to make their interactions more meaningful and impactful.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

60 EXT. CASA LOMA - CONTINUOUS 60

A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by
some GOON. A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man.

Scott and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS, including
Wallace.

RAMONA
Did you find the guy you’re
stalking?

WALLACE
I think I’m about to right now.

FIRST A.D.
Mr. Lee is travelling!
64.

RAMONA
Mr. Lee?

WALLACE
Lucas Lee.

RAMONA
Ooh.

SCOTT
Ooh?

The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he
exits his trailer, smoking a cigarette (blacked out). He
skates towards the set, doing kickflips. The spectators go
’oooh’.

WALLACE
I want to have his adopted babies.

RAMONA
Oh, man. We gotta go.

SCOTT
What? Why?

RAMONA
I used to date that clown.

WALLACE
Slut.

RAMONA
Wallace. I am not a slut.

WALLACE
I can think of no higher accolade.

Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode.

LUCAS LEE
Action.

Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON.

SCOTT
Oh...my...God...

LUCAS LEE
Hey. The only thing keeping me and
her apart is the two minutes it’s
gonna take to kick your ass.
65.

SCOTT
...you dated a FAMOUS guy?!

RAMONA
In 9th grade. We had drama.
Actually, it might have been math.
I just remember there being lots of
drama.

LUCAS LEE
HEY!!!

Lucas Lee points at Scott, who remains oblivious.

RAMONA
He just followed me around. He was
a little snot nosed brat.

SCOTT
He had snot? In his nose? But he’s
famous!

LUCAS LEE
HEY!!!

RAMONA
It’s not a big deal. I only dated
him for a week and a half-

LUCAS LEE
I’m talking to you Scott Pilgrim!

Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott, who gasps.

SCOTT
He’s famous and he talked to me!

LUCAS LEE
The only thing keeping me and her
apart is the two minutes it’s gonna
take to kick your ass!

SCOTT
Can I get-

POW! Lucas Lee punches Scott, flooring him. Scott comes
back up with a pen and paper, wobbly.

SCOTT
Can I get your autograph?

POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He nods to Ramona.
66.

LUCAS LEE
Sup. How’s life? He seems nice.

Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret, crumbling
it. Scott CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set.

Lucas holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo, then
stomps over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground.

WALLACE
Scott. Evil ex. Fight.

LUCAS LEE
Think you stand a chance against an
A-lister, bro?

Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He slides across the wet-
down ground. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas’ knuckles with
antiseptic.

LUCAS LEE
Some competish you are.

Lucas Lee wanders off. Scott staggers to his feet, punchy.

SCOTT
Hey... hey... hey! I’m not done-

Scott spins Lucas around, only to find an identical STAND
IN!

LUCAS LEE (O.S.)
Looks like you’re seeing double.

Scott turns to see the real Lucas, smirking on the
sidelines. POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the
ground.

LUCAS LEE
He’s good, right? Sometimes I let
him do wide shots if I feel like
getting blazed back in my winnie.

Scott stands to fight the double. Suddenly, COUNTLESS
STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN, all identically
dressed, all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble.

LUCAS LEE
I’m nothing without my stunt team.

The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl. Scott
PUNCHES through a couple of the boards, Tae Kwon Doe style.
67.

WALLACE
Ask them how it feels to always get
his sloppy seconds!

SCOTT
How does it feel to-

KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face, followed by a
barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and
ribs.

LUCAS LEE
I’m gonna get coffee. You homies
want anything?

We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. We hear
the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to
nothing.

SCOTT (O.S.)
Mr. Lee?

Lucas turns, shocked to see Scott, in front of a PAINTED 2-
D SKYLINE BACKDROP, surrounded by many unconscious
stuntmen.

SCOTT
You’re needed back on set.

Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK. Lucas
GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop. RRRIP!

Scott lands in a CRUMP, framed through the torn skyline.

Lucas stomps over to him, preparing for the deathblow.

LUCAS LEE
Prepare... prepare to feel the
wrath of the League of Evil Exes!

SCOTT
The League of Evil Axes?

LUCAS LEE
You really don’t know about the
"The League"?

SCOTT
Ummm...

LUCAS LEE
68.

Seven evil exes? Coming to kill
you? Controlling the future of
Ramona’s love life?

SCOTT
...no.

LUCAS LEE
Oh, well then don’t worry about it.

SCOTT
Really?

LUCAS LEE
Yeah, bro. Let’s get a beer.

Lucas offers a hand. Scott goes to shake it. POW! Lucas
gets him square in the mouth. Scott smiles through his
aching jaw.

SCOTT
You are a pretty good actor.

LUCAS LEE
I’m going for the Oscar this year.

SCOTT
But are you a pretty good skater?

LUCAS LEE
I’m more than pretty good, ese. I
have my own skate company.

Lucas pulls down his shirt, revealing a skate company
tattoo.

SCOTT
So you can sell them, but can you
do a thingy on that rail?

Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs.

LUCAS LEE
It’s called a grind, bro.

SCOTT
So can you do a grind thingy now?

LUCAS LEE
Are you serious? There’s like 200
steps and the rails are garbage.

SCOTT
69.

Hey, if it’s too hardcore...

LUCAS LEE
You really think you can goad me
into doing a trick like that?

SCOTT
There’s girls watching.

LUCAS LEE
Somebody get me my board.

Wallace taps Lucas’ shoulder and hands him his skateboard.

WALLACE
Hi. Big fan.

LUCAS LEE
Why wouldn’t you be?

CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT, a perfect ollie onto the rail.

Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight,
sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL...HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... Cut
back to Scott & Wallace, impressed at Lucas.

SCOTT
Wow.

HSSSSSSSSS...

Cut back to Scott & Wallace, very impressed at Lucas.

SCOTT
Wow.

HSSSSSSSSS...

Cut back to Scott & Wallace. Scott’s about to say ’wow’
when- BOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the
stairs.

WALLACE
Wow, he totally bailed.

SCOTT
Yes!

Fist bump. Scott smacks his forehead.

SCOTT
I didn’t get his autograph.
70.

FIRST A.D.
Uh...that’s a wrap everybody.

SCOTT
Where’s Ramona? Is she still here?

WALLACE
No, she totally bailed.

SCOTT
What’s the deal? Seriously.

Genres: Action, Comedy, Romance
Tone: Humorous, Exciting, Light-hearted

Summary Scott and Ramona encounter Lucas Lee, Ramona's ex-boyfriend, on a movie set. Lucas, in character, attacks Scott, unaware of their past relationship. Scott discovers that Lucas is part of the League of Evil Exes, an organization aiming to control Ramona's love life. Lucas challenges Scott to a skateboarding trick but falls and explodes, leaving Scott to lament his missed opportunity for an autograph.

Strengths

Engaging action sequences
Humorous dialogue
Dynamic character interactions

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Slightly predictable outcome

General Critique

The scene introduces Lucas Lee, a famous actor and one of Ramona's evil exes, in a chaotic and comedic manner.
There is a lot of back and forth banter between the characters, which can be overwhelming and detract from the main conflict.
The scene lacks focus on the main conflict between Scott and Lucas Lee, as there are many distractions and side conversations.
The dialogue is witty and humorous, but at times it can feel forced and detract from the tension of the scene.
The fight sequence between Scott and Lucas Lee is entertaining but lacks a clear resolution or impact on the overall story.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Streamline the dialogue to focus more on the conflict between Scott and Lucas Lee.
Clarify the stakes of the fight between Scott and Lucas Lee to make it more impactful.
Consider cutting down on the banter and side conversations to maintain the tension of the scene.
Ensure that the resolution of the conflict between Scott and Lucas Lee is clear and satisfying for the audience.
Add more visual cues or action sequences to enhance the fight scene and make it more dynamic.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

61 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - DAY 61

Scott slumps on the couch, phone pressed to his ear.
Wallace cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). We hear the
OUTGOING MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging
system. RAMONA is not available, please record your message
after the beep.

SCOTT
Hey. It’s me, Scott again. Call me
back. Scott Pilgrim.
(hangs up)
What’s the deal? Seriously.

Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it.

WALLACE
Yeah, you said that last night.

SCOTT
You know what really sucks though?

WALLACE
What?

SCOTT
Everything!

WALLACE
Come on guy, you can’t say you
didn’t see this coming. It was
right under your nose.

Wallace points to the NOTE Ramona scribbled which is pinned
literally under Scott’s nose on the refrigerator: RAMONA
FLOWERS, 212 664-7665, xxxxxxx

WALLACE
What did you think these were?
71.

SCOTT
Kisses? Seven little kisses?

WALLACE
Seven deadly X’s.

Wallace cocks an eyebrow. Scott slides to the floor.

SCOTT
Why does everything have to be so
complicated?

Wallace crouches down to join Scott on the floor.

WALLACE
If you want something bad, you have
to fight for it. Step up your game.
Break out the L-word.

SCOTT
Lesbian?

WALLACE
The other L-word.

SCOTT
Lesbians?

WALLACE
Okay, it’s ’love’. I wasn’t trying
to trick you or anything. Look, if
she’s really the girl of your
dreams, then you have to let her
know. You have to overcome any and
all obstacles that lie in your
path. You have the spirit of a
warrior, Scott. You can do it! Be
with her! It’s your destiny!
(beat)
Plus, I need you to move out.

Scott’s face falls, completely shocked at this bombshell.

SCOTT
What? Why? Are you moving in with
Other Scott or Jimmy or someone?

WALLACE
Or someone. Either way, I’m kind of
banking on her calling you back so
I won’t have to evict you and feel
all guilty and shit.
72.

RINGY RING. Scott and Wallace look at the phone.

WALLACE
I have a feeling that’s for you,
guy.

Scott picks up. A SEXY, NON-RAMONA VOICE REPLIES...

VOICE (O.S.)
Hey Scott.

SCOTT
...Envy?

WALLACE
Oh, shit.

ENVY (O.S.)
It’s been a long time.

SCOTT
Yeah.

ENVY (O.S.)
A year I think?

SCOTT
Approximately.

ENVY (O.S.)
How are you?

SCOTT
I’m not doing so good right now.

ENVY (O.S.)
That’s too bad. Still breaking
hearts?

SCOTT
What? No, stop. I’ve been-it’s been
different. You have no idea.

ENVY (O.S.)
Probably not. Do you have a
girlfriend? Should I be jealous?

SCOTT
Yes, you should. I have this
totally awesome girlfriend who
calls me all the time. And she’s
America. Uh. She’s American.
73.

ENVY (O.S.)
What’s her name?

SCOTT
I’m not telling you that. Ramona.

ENVY (O.S.)
Oh.

SCOTT
What? Do you know her?

ENVY (O.S.)
Uh. No.

SCOTT
It sounded like you did.

ENVY (O.S.)
I gotta go. Nice chatting with you.

SCOTT
WAIT-

CLICK...Scott slumps to the floor. Wallace appears over
him.

WALLACE
Okay. Everything does suck.

Scott grunts. RINGY RING. Wallace grins and grabs the
phone.

WALLACE
Or does it?

Scott sits bolt upright, expectant.

WALLACE
Oh, hey Knives.

Scott lays back down. FUCK.

WALLACE
What’s that? You’re outside?

Scott sits bolt upright again. FUCK! Wallace opens the door
a crack. Knives shivers outside, pale and broken looking.

KNIVES CHAU
Is Scott here?
74.

WALLACE
You know what?

Behind Wallace, we see Scott LEAP through a window head
first. GLASS SMASHES.

WALLACE
He just left.

Knives sighs. Scott sprints away in the background.

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Action
Tone: Humorous, Reflective, Dramatic

Summary Scott, distraught over Ramona's absence, confides in Wallace. Wallace urges him to pursue her, but Scott's spirits are further dampened by Envy's call and the unexpected arrival of Knives. Desperate, Scott hides as Wallace misleads Knives about his whereabouts.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Character dynamics
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited action

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with Scott's emotions and actions feeling scattered and disconnected.
The dialogue between Scott and Wallace feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
The introduction of Envy Adams feels abrupt and out of place, disrupting the flow of the scene and adding unnecessary complexity.
The transition from Wallace's bombshell about moving out to the phone call with Envy is jarring and doesn't flow smoothly.
The interaction between Scott and Envy lacks authenticity and depth, failing to create a meaningful or engaging exchange.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the emotional arc of Scott in this scene to make his feelings and actions more coherent and relatable.
Revise the dialogue between Scott and Wallace to add depth and authenticity to their conversation, making it more engaging for the audience.
Consider removing the introduction of Envy Adams in this scene to maintain focus on Scott's internal struggles and relationships with Ramona and Knives.
Smooth out the transition between Wallace's revelation about moving out and the phone call with Envy to create a more seamless narrative flow.
Enhance the interaction between Scott and Envy to make their conversation more meaningful and impactful, adding depth to their relationship dynamics.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

62 EXT. STREET - DAY 62

Scott walks fast down the street, freaked out and paranoid.

He sees five ’X’s looming above him on a pedestrian
crossing and quickly diverts into an...

63 EXT. ALLEY - DAY 63

Scott rips the ’X-Men’ patch off his jacket, when-WHZZZ -
SOMETHING buzzes past Scott. He looks around.

SCOTT
Dude.

WHOOSH - another blast of air whizzes by.

SCOTT
Please.

SHFFF - SOMETHING sweeps him off his feet. He’s pissed now.

SCOTT
I’m really not in the mood.

SHWAA - SOMETHING slices the air in front of Scott.

SCOTT
Okay, enough!

Scott punches the air in front of him. Hits SOMETHING. A
DIMINUTIVE DIRTY BLONDE dressed in a punk rock kung fu get
up lands on the ground with a thump. She spins to face
Scott.

MYSTERY ATTACKER
You punched me in the boob. Prepare
to die, obviously.
75.

SCOTT
Listen, I’ve had it today. Can we
not do this right now?

ALT #1:

MYSTERY ATTACKER
(Dixieland accent)
Love to postpone, darlin’, but I
just cashed my last raincheck.

SCOTT
What’s that from?

MYSTERY ATTACKER
(own voice)
My brain!

SCOTT
Well whatever this is about, can it
wait till I’m in the right frame of
mind?

ALT #2:

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Nuh uh. This is one nightmare you
can’t wake up from.

SCOTT
Wait, am I asleep right now?

MYSTERY ATTACKER
No.

SCOTT
So, technically this is not a
nightmare.

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Right.

SCOTT
So how can I not wake up? If I’m
not actually asleep.

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Don’t question me!

Scott shakes his head, baffled.

SCOTT
76.

Well, I’m really, really not up for
this. Whatever it is.

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Okay little chicken, then I’ll see
you later. But you won’t see me.
Because I’ll be deadly serious next
time.

SCOTT
What?

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Nevermind!

PAF - the Mystery Attacker vanishes. Scott looks to the
sky.

SCOTT
Oh man. Someone help me.

64 EXT. BLOOR STREET - DAY 64

Scott is in his usual payphone, dialing Stacey frantically.

SCOTT
It’s Scott.

STACEY (O.S.)
What did he do this time?

SCOTT
No, it’s Scott. It’s actually me.

STACEY (O.S.)
What did you do this time?

SCOTT
I didn’t do anything. It’s everyone
else that’s crazy. Look I need to
talk to you, I’m having a meltdown
or whatever. Are you still working?

STACEY (O.S.)
I’m literally about to leave.

SCOTT
Cool, I’m coming in.

Scott hangs up the phone and walks two steps into-
77.

Genres: Action, Comedy, Fantasy
Tone: Humorous, Sarcastic, Whimsical

Summary Scott, feeling paranoid, walks down the street and sees five 'X's above him. He diverts into an alley and rips the 'X-Men' patch off his jacket. Something buzzes past him, and he looks around. Another blast of air whizzes by, and something sweeps him off his feet. He punches the air and hits a diminutive dirty blonde dressed in punk rock clothing. She threatens him, but Scott is not in the mood to fight. She vanishes, and Scott looks to the sky for help.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Quirky character introduction
Engaging action sequence

Weaknesses

Limited character development
Lack of emotional depth in the scene

General Critique

The scene starts with Scott feeling paranoid and freaked out, which sets a tense and suspenseful tone. This is a good way to create intrigue and engage the audience.
The introduction of the Mystery Attacker adds an element of mystery and action to the scene, which keeps the audience interested.
The dialogue between Scott and the Mystery Attacker is witty and humorous, adding a comedic element to the scene. However, the banter could be more concise to maintain the pace of the scene.
The interaction between Scott and the Mystery Attacker could be more dynamic and engaging to heighten the tension and excitement of the confrontation.
The transition from the alley to Scott frantically dialing Stacey on the payphone feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue between Scott and the Mystery Attacker to keep the pace of the scene moving smoothly.
Enhance the physicality and choreography of the fight between Scott and the Mystery Attacker to make it more visually engaging.
Add more visual cues and descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
Smooth out the transition between the alley confrontation and Scott dialing Stacey on the payphone to improve the overall flow of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

65 INT. THE SECOND CUP - CONTINUOUS 65

Scott approaches the counter. Stacey has her back turned.

SCOTT
Think I’ll make it a decaf today.

Stacey turns around, revealing herself to be JULIE!

JULIE
SCOTT PILGRIM!

SCOTT
AH! What did you do with my sister?

Stacey taps on the window outside, mouthing that she has to
go. Scott turns back to Julie, not happy.

JULIE
What can I fucking get you?

SCOTT
Is there anywhere you don’t work?

JULIE
They’re called ’jobs’, something a
fuckball like you wouldn’t know
anything about. And by the way, I
can’t believe you fucking asked
Ramona out after I specifically
told you not to fucking do that!
(Note to concerned
reader: Everytime Julie
says "FUCK", a black bar
comes out of her mouth
and the sound is
bleeped.)

SCOTT
How do you do that with your mouth?

JULIE
Neverfuckingmind how I do it! What
do you have to say for yourself?

SCOTT
Uh. Can I get a caramel macchiato?

JULIE
Maybe it’s high fucking time you
took a look in a mirror before you
wreak havoc on another girl.
78.

SCOTT
Me? Wreak havoc?

Julie points at THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD poster behind the
counter with concert dates at the bottom.

JULIE
Fucking speaking of fucking which,
I hear the girl that kicked your
heart in the ass is walking the
streets of Toronto again.

SCOTT
So I can pick up my coffee over
here?

Scott retreats away from Julie and bumps right into...
RAMONA. They share an awkward moment. She looks at the
floor.

RAMONA
Sorry that got a little crazy last
night.

SCOTT
Yeah. You kind of disappeared.

RAMONA
Yeah, I do that. Listen, I know
it’s hard to be around me
sometimes. I’ll understand if you
don’t want to hang anymore.

SCOTT
No. No, I want to hang. The whole
evil ex-boyfriend thing. No biggie.

RAMONA
Exes.

SCOTT
I mean, I know it’s early days, but
I don’t think anything can really
get in the way of how I SHIT!

Scott hides behind Ramona as a lithe figure emerges from
the steamed-milk mists of the coffee shop...the singer from
THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD has seemingly stepped out of the
poster.

"ENVY ADAMS, 23, FUN FACT: KICKED SCOTT’S HEART IN THE
ASS."
79.

The icy, platinum blonde fashionista walks towards Scott.

SCOTT
It’s my ex.

RAMONA
The big one?

Scott nods. LEONE STAREDOWN between Envy and Ramona.

RAMONA
I’m gonna...excuse me.

Ramona goes to order coffee, leaving Envy to fix on Scott.

ENVY
Your hair is getting shaggy.

REVERSE: Scott is instantly wearing his DORKY HAT.

SCOTT
Yeah?

ENVY
So. That’s Ramona?

SCOTT
Yeah.

ENVY
Okay. I’m jealous.

SCOTT
YOU’RE jealous?

ENVY
I’m allowed.

SCOTT
You left me! For that cocky pretty
boy!

ENVY
You’ve never even seen him.

SCOTT
Yeah. I know. You left me for a guy
I’ve never even seen.

ENVY
80.

Maybe you’ll see him soon. We’re
playing Lee’s Palace. You guys
should like, so totally come.

SCOTT
That’s so not going to happen.

ENVY
Great. You’re so on the list.

Envy disappears into the cappuccino mists. Ramona returns.

JULIE
Caramel Fuckiato for fuck Pilgrim!

SCOTT
(to Ramona)
It’s proounced ’Scott’.

Genres: Comedy, Romance
Tone: Humorous, Awkward, Confrontational

Summary Scott's coffee run at The Second Cup turns awkward when Julie confronts him about asking out Ramona against her advice. Amidst the tension, Ramona apologizes for a previous incident, while Envy Adams' jealousy towards Ramona adds to the drama. The scene ends with Scott receiving his coffee and Julie's pointed reminder of his actions.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Character dynamics
Tension building

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Slightly predictable interactions

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple characters and conflicts introduced without a strong throughline.
The dialogue between Scott and Julie feels forced and unnatural, with excessive use of profanity that detracts from the authenticity of the conversation.
The transition from Julie to Ramona is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
The interaction between Scott and Ramona lacks depth and emotional resonance, failing to effectively convey the complexity of their relationship.
The introduction of Envy Adams feels rushed and adds unnecessary tension without proper buildup or context.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a central conflict or theme for the scene to provide a clear direction for the characters and dialogue.
Consider toning down the use of profanity and focusing on creating more authentic and meaningful interactions between the characters.
Work on smoother transitions between different character interactions to maintain the coherence of the scene.
Enhance the emotional depth of the conversation between Scott and Ramona to better convey the complexities of their relationship.
Introduce Envy Adams in a more organic and gradual manner to build tension and intrigue effectively.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

66 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 66

Scott and Ramona walk side by side, sipping their coffees.

RAMONA
So...that was Nat?

SCOTT
No, that was Envy.

RAMONA
So...what did you guys talk about?

SCOTT
She’s totally jealous of you.

RAMONA
Envy’s jealous? How about that?

SCOTT
Yeah. How. About. That.

RAMONA
What happened with the two of you?

SCOTT
Do you mind if we don’t get into
that right now?
(beat)
She wanted to move to Montreal
because she missed her best friend.
This guy Todd.
81.

RAMONA
And two weeks later, you heard they
were sleeping together I guess?

SCOTT
Basically.

RAMONA
I dated a Todd once. That didn’t
end well either.

SCOTT
I can see how it sucks. Having the
past come back to haunt you.

RAMONA
Is it wrong that I try not to think
about it?

SCOTT
What do you want to think about?

RAMONA
How warm my place is right now.

Ramona stops and kisses him.

67 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 67

Scott lies between Wallace and Other Scott on the futon.

OTHER SCOTT
And you didn’t bang her? Are you
gay?

SCOTT
I couldn’t stop thinking about my
stupid ex-girlfriend.

A bleary Jimmy sits up between them all.

JIMMY
Is that the Uma Thurman movie?

WALLACE
Scott. Just because Envy’s back in
town doesn’t make it not over.

SCOTT
Double negative. Tricky.

OTHER SCOTT
82.

It’s over. Move on.

WALLACE
Word.

JIMMY
Mm.

Scott stands (no pants). Music swells.

SCOTT
Right. I’m not gonna let her toy
with me. From this moment on, I
will think of Envy Adams no more!

68 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 68

STEPHEN STILLS
I have distressing news.

A deadly serious Stephen Stills addresses Kim, Scott and
Young Neil. Ramona lounges on the couch...

KIM PINE
Is the news that we suck? Because I
really don’t think I can take it.

STEPHEN STILLS
No. The Clash At Demonhead are
doing a secret show tomorrow night.
And Envy asked us to open for them.

SCOTT
I hate you.

STEPHEN STILLS
A gig is a gig is a gig. Is a gig.
Maybe you can put your history
aside until we get through this
thing. You know, for the band? For
the band. For the band?

SCOTT
Can’t we do our own secret shows?

KIM PINE
All our shows are secret shows.

STEPHEN STILLS
83.

We’re doing it. G-man might be
there! We play the next round of
the battle Saturday. We need to get
some buzz going. We need
groundswell. We need stalkers.

Stills paces past the window to reveal...KNIVES CHAU
OUTSIDE. CRASH ZOOM on her tearful face, pressed against
the window. TOTALLY CRUSHED to see Scott cuddling with
Ramona.

SCOTT
What would you do? If your ex was
in a band and they wanted you to
open for them?

RAMONA
If my ex was in the band?

SCOTT
Yeah.

RAMONA
It might be a little awkward. But
maybe it’s the grown up thing to
do.

SCOTT
Yeah, we’re all adults right?

69 INT. DRUG SMART - EVENING 69

KNIVES frantically rifles through racks of hair dye and
rants furiously into her cellphone.

KNIVES CHAU
He’s dating a fat-ass hipster
chick! I hate his stupid guts! I’m
gonna disembowel him!

70 INT. KNIVES’ BEDROOM - EVENING 70

Knives stands on her bed and continues ranting at Tamara.

KNIVES CHAU
He only likes her cause she’s old!
She’s probably like 25! She’s just
some fat-ass white girl, you know?

TAMARA
I think you mentioned she was fa-
84.

Genres: Romantic Comedy, Drama
Tone: Jealousy, Regret, Awkwardness

Summary Scott and Ramona discuss Envy Adams and their past relationships. Scott talks with his roommates about his feelings. Knives Chau is seen frantically searching for hair dye and ranting about Scott dating Ramona. The band learns they have a gig opening for Clash At Demonhead, causing tension.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Authentic character interactions
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Limited external action
Heavy reliance on dialogue

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, jumping between different conversations and locations without a strong through-line.
The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth, with characters discussing past relationships in a superficial manner.
The transition between Scott and Ramona's conversation on the street to the scene in Wallace's apartment is abrupt and could be smoother.
The humor in the scene feels forced and doesn't land effectively, making the emotional moments less impactful.
The introduction of Knives Chau's frustration and ranting feels out of place and disconnected from the main storyline.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a central conflict or theme in the scene to give it more cohesion and purpose.
Work on creating more meaningful and authentic dialogue that delves deeper into the characters' emotions and motivations.
Consider refining the transitions between different locations and conversations to create a more seamless flow.
Enhance the humor by grounding it in the characters' personalities and relationships, making it more organic and impactful.
Integrate Knives Chau's storyline more effectively into the main narrative to ensure it contributes to the overall plot development.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

71 INT. KNIVES’ BATHROOM - EVENING 71

Tamara helps Knives color her hair under the bathtub
spigot.

KNIVES CHAU
She’s got a head start! I didn’t
even know there WAS good music
until like two months ago! Okay,
this really burns.

TAMARA
We should rinse-

KNIVES CHAU
I mean, he knew I was cool but he
thought I was too young, so he
tried to find someone cool but old.

TAMARA
She’s cool? I thought she was fat-

KNIVES CHAU
Well she THINKS she’s cool. This is
all her fault.

TAMARA
Why?

Tamara turns the faucet on and rinses Knives hair.

KNIVES CHAU
It MUST be her fault. Obviously
it’s just a twist of fate or
whatever, isn’t it? Star crossed
lovers! Born too late!

Knives looks in the mirror: HER HAIR IS EXACTLY LIKE
RAMONA.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh God...I look so...so good.

Knives throws a long scarf on, looking sexy, eyes
narrowing.

KNIVES CHAU
Scott Pilgrim destroyed my heart.
But I know how to get him back.

PUSH into Knives, as she plots. Tamara pops into frame.

TAMARA
85.

How?

We see a TEXT MESSAGE typing onscreen:

’YUNG NEIL ITZ KNIVES. OMFG UR SO HOTT’

72 EXT. LEE’S PALACE - NIGHT 72

A huge line of TOO COOL YOUTHS snakes outside a rock venue.

A sign reads ’˜THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD - Sold out’. We hear
loud music blasting through the open doors.

73 INT. LEE’S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 73

The LOUD MUSIC stops abruptly. Sex Bob-Omb bow onstage.

STEPHEN STILLS
Thank you. We were Sex Bob-Omb.

Wallace and Other Scott clap and cheer, drunk. The other
snobbish kids in the audience shrug and disperse.

STEPHEN STILLS
We got some merch out the back, so-
(to Scott and Kim)
Okay. Bar. Now.

74 INT. LEE’S PALACE - LATER 74

A disillusioned Sex Bob-Omb hang with Ramona at the bar.

STEPHEN STILLS
Level with me. Did we suck?

RAMONA
I don’t know. Did you?

STEPHEN STILLS
She has to go. She knows we suck.

Ramona excuses herself.

75 INT. LEE’S PALACE, LADIES BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 75
86.

Ramona does her eyeliner. She looks in the mirror to see
two images of herself staring back. Or is it... "KNIVES
CHAU, 17, SINGLE WHITE ASIAN" with identical hair, clothes
and makeup, standing next to Ramona, looking hot.

KNIVES CHAU
Hey Ramona.

RAMONA
Hey.

Ramona exits, confused. Knives follows.

RAMONA
What the hell?

76 INT. LEE’S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 76

Ramona and Knives exit the bathroom together. Scott breaks
into a cold sweat. Knives shoots Scott a sultry look.

KNIVES CHAU
Hey Scott.

Knives heads into Young Neil’s arms at the other end of the
bar. Scott struggles with something resembling jealousy.

SCOTT
What the hell?

KIM PINE
Look who Knives is hanging with.

RAMONA
Who is that girl again?

STEPHEN STILLS
Scottdatedher.

SCOTT
Briefly. Briefly.

KIM PINE
I bet Young Neil will date her even
briefly-er.

RAMONA
How old is she?

A ’WHEEL OF FORTUNE’ spins INSIDE SCOTT’S HEAD, with
selections such as ’It was nothing’ and ’She was nobody.’
The wheel sticks between ’I gotta pee.’ and ’Who, her?’
87.

SCOTT
I gotta pee on her.
(turns beet red)
I mean, I gotta pee. Pee time.
(sing songy)
Peee time.

77 INT. LEE’S PALACE, MENS BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 77

Scott washes his hands and looks up to see TWO SCOTTS
staring back, one with fringed hair and a wicked glare!

Scott whips around. He’s alone. SPOOKY MUSIC begins...

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Action
Tone: Humorous, Dramatic, Suspenseful

Summary Knives Chau gets her hair colored by Tamara while expressing her feelings about Scott Pilgrim and deciding to win him back. The scene transitions to Lee's Palace where Sex Bob-Omb performs and Ramona interacts with Knives, creating tension and confusion among the characters.

Strengths

Strong character development
Engaging dialogue
Creative plot twist

Weaknesses

Some confusion in character motivations
Slight lack of clarity in certain interactions

General Critique

The scene in Knives' bathroom serves as a pivotal moment for Knives' character development and sets up a potential conflict with Scott.
The dialogue between Knives and Tamara reveals Knives' feelings of betrayal and determination to win Scott back, adding depth to her character.
The visual of Knives looking in the mirror and seeing herself with Ramona's hair symbolizes her transformation and newfound confidence.
The introduction of the text message to Young Neil hints at Knives' plan to get Scott back and adds intrigue to the scene.
The transition to Lee's Palace and the interaction between Sex Bob-Omb, Ramona, and Knives adds tension and sets the stage for upcoming conflicts.
The internal conflict Scott experiences with jealousy and confusion about Knives and Ramona is effectively portrayed through his thoughts and actions.
The scene ends with a mysterious and eerie moment in the men's bathroom, foreshadowing potential supernatural elements or psychological challenges for Scott.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more depth to Knives' character by exploring her motivations and emotions further.
Enhance the dialogue between characters to reveal more about their relationships and conflicts.
Utilize visual cues and symbolism to enhance the themes of jealousy, betrayal, and transformation in the scene.
Build upon the tension between Scott, Ramona, and Knives to create a more dynamic and engaging interaction.
Continue to foreshadow and develop the supernatural or psychological elements hinted at in the scene for added intrigue and depth.
Consider incorporating more subtle hints and clues throughout the scene to build suspense and anticipation for future developments.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

78 INT. LEE’S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 78

A freaked out Scott returns to the group. The lights dim
and the stage fills with twisting blue tendrils of smoke.

THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD materialize, ENVY in a long black
coat. Knives screams her teen brains out.

The BASS PLAYER steps into the light, no longer shrouded in
dry ice, he cuts a handsome, striking ROCK GOD figure.

SCOTT
That guy on bass? That’s Todd.

RAMONA
I know.

ENVY
Oh yeah...

SCOTT
You know?

ENVY
Oh yeah...

Todd flips his fringe from his eyes. Stares at Scott.

"TODD INGRAM, 25, EVIL-EX #3, FUN FACT: 9TH DEGREE VEGAN"

SCOTT
Oh no.

Envy lets her coat slip off, revealing a stunning figure.

ENVY
88.

OH YYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

79 INT. LEE’S PALACE - LATER 79

Sex Bob-Omb, Knives and Ramona hang near the BACKSTAGE
doors.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh my God. Just oh my God.

YOUNG NEIL
Man, you have to see them live.
They’re so much better live. Oh.

SCOTT
I think I’m going to throw up.

Julie opens the backstage door and huffs.

JULIE
I can’t believe I’m even saying
this, but Envy Adams would like all
of you to come backstage.

SCOTT
All of us?

JULIE
Did I fucking stutter?

The group shuffles backstage. Scott hangs his head like a
condemned man.

KNIVES CHAU
How do you know Envy???

YOUNG NEIL
Scottdatedher.

Knives makes a face that looks like this: >:O !!!!

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Action
Tone: Humorous, Tense, Dramatic

Summary The Clash at Demonhead, led by Envy, materializes on stage with Todd, Scott's ex-boyfriend, as the bass player. Envy sheds her coat, revealing her figure, while Scott is horrified. Julie informs the group that Envy wants them backstage, leading to a mixture of excitement, apprehension, and dread. The scene ends with the group reluctantly following Julie backstage, with Scott hanging his head in dread.

Strengths

Engaging conflict
Well-developed characters
Humorous dialogue

Weaknesses

Potential for confusion with the introduction of new characters and conflicts

General Critique

The scene transitions abruptly from Scott encountering the Mystery Attacker to being back at Lee's Palace, which may confuse the audience and disrupt the flow of the story.
The introduction of Todd Ingram as the bass player of Clash at Demonhead feels rushed and lacks proper buildup or explanation, leaving the audience to quickly process this new information.
The dialogue between the characters, especially Envy Adams and Scott, lacks depth and emotional resonance, making the interactions feel superficial and lacking in impact.
The tension and conflict surrounding Envy Adams, Todd Ingram, and the revelation of Scott's past relationship with Envy could be further developed to create a more engaging and compelling dynamic.
The transition from the backstage interaction with Envy Adams to the group shuffling backstage feels disjointed and could benefit from smoother pacing and clearer motivations for the characters.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a smoother transition or a brief recap to connect the scene of Scott encountering the Mystery Attacker to his return to Lee's Palace, providing clarity for the audience.
Provide more context and buildup to the introduction of Todd Ingram as the bass player of Clash at Demonhead, allowing the audience to understand his significance and relationship to the characters.
Enhance the dialogue between the characters, particularly in the interactions with Envy Adams, to deepen the emotional impact and create more meaningful exchanges that drive the story forward.
Further explore the tension and conflict surrounding Envy Adams, Todd Ingram, and Scott's past relationship to add depth and complexity to the scene, engaging the audience on a deeper level.
Refine the transition from the backstage interaction with Envy Adams to the group shuffling backstage by clarifying the characters' motivations and intentions, ensuring a smoother and more cohesive progression of events.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

80 INT. LEE’S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA - NIGHT 80

SEX BOB-OMB lounge on a couch on one side of the room.
Envy, Todd and Julie lounge on a couch across from them.

Knives in shock as she thinks a thousand thoughts. Envy
burns a hole through Scott. Everyone else feels...
’AWKWARD’.
89.

TODD INGRAM
Hey Ramona.

RAMONA
Hey Todd.

TODD INGRAM
Been a while.

RAMONA
Mmm hmm.

TODD INGRAM
Mmm hmm.

RAMONA
(whispers to Scott)
I think we should get out of here.

JULIE
How was the tour? You played with
The Pixies? You’re a superstar now!

ENVY
It’s-yeah, it’s not something I can
really put into words.

KNIVES CHAU
Um...Envy? I read your blog.

Todd and Julie glare at Knives.

ENVY
So...Scott and Ramona eh?

RAMONA
What of it?

ENVY
You guys are a cute couple, you
know? You suit each other.

STEPHEN STILLS
So what’s your ulterior motive
Envy, in general?

JULIE
She doesn’t need ulterior motives,
Stephen. She’s got a write-up in
Spin!

KNIVES CHAU
You’re my role model Envy.
90.

ENVY
Just saying, cute couple. I like
your outfit Ramona. Affordable?

JULIE
I was going to say, Envy. Did you
get those jeans in New York,
they’re-

ENVY
I’m talking to Ramona right now.

JULIE
Ramona lived in New York.

ENVY
I was just there. We played the
Chaos Theatre for Gideon. You know
him, right?

Scott looks at Ramona. She is about to answer when...Knives
stands up, POINTS at Envy and SCREAMS-

KNIVES CHAU
I’VE KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED
YOU!

Envy nods at Todd. He PUNCHES KNIVES SQUARE IN THE JAW!

OMFG! Scott jumps to his feet, FACING OFF against Todd
Ingram.

SCOTT
Knives!?

Young Neil rushes to Knives’ aid. Scott boils. Todd smirks.

TODD INGRAM
That’s right. I’m not afraid to hit
a girl. I’m a rock star.

YOUNG NEIL
You punched the highlights out of
her hair!

ANGLE on Knives. Her hair is black and plain as before.

YOUNG NEIL
He punched the highlights. Out. Of.
Her. Hair.

ENVY
You’re incorrigible.
91.

TODD INGRAM
I don’t know the meaning of the
word.

Young Neil escorts Knives out. Todd sits back down like
nothing happened. Scott’s face is a bright shade of rage.

JULIE
So, are you guys doing anything fun
while you’re in town?

TODD INGRAM
Fun? In Toronto?

SCOTT
That is IT, you cocky cock! YOU’LL
PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST
HUMANITY!

Scott LEAPS across the table and SWINGS a punch at Todd.

Todd THRUSTS a hand out and telekinetically FREEZES SCOTT
IN THE AIR. Scott hovers, grasping his neck, choking.
Todd’s hair magically forms into a FAUXHAWK.

SCOTT
KK...my neck...yy...your hair...

ENVY
Didn’t you know? Todd’s Vegan.

TODD INGRAM
It’s not a big deal.

Todd telekinetically HURLS Scott through the club’s wall!

Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb peer through the newly made hole in
the wall, to see Scott sprawled on some trash bags. He
tries to keep cool, despite being in a lot of pain.

SCOTT
No kidding...anyone can be...vegan.

TODD INGRAM
Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe.

SCOTT
Ovo what?

TODD INGRAM
I partake not in the meat nor
breastmilk or ovum of any creature
that has a face.
92.

ENVY
Short answer: Being vegan just
makes you better than most people.

TODD INGRAM
Bingo.

Todd lifts up Scott telekinetically and throws him miles
into the air. Scott sails out of shot and into space.

STEPHEN STILLS
Hey man, question. I always
wondered, how does not eating dairy
products give you psychic powers?

TODD INGRAM
You know how you only use ten
percent of your brain? Well, it’s
because the other 90% is filled up
with curds and whey.

KIM PINE
Did you learn that at Vegan
Academy?

TODD INGRAM
Go ahead and get snippy baby, if
you knew the science, maybe I’d
listen to a word you’re saying.

Scott returns to earth with a THUMP. He moans in pain.
While the others bicker, Ramona helps Scott to his feet.

SCOTT
If I peed my pants, would you
pretend I just got wet from the
rain?

RAMONA
It’s not raining.

SCOTT
Oh. How about you give me the Cliff
Notes on how and why you ended up
dating this a-hole?

RAMONA
Is that really important right now?

SCOTT
If there’s a key element in his
backstory that can help me out in a
critical moment of not dying? Yes.
93.

A brief, scrappy ANIMATED FLASHBACK of Young Todd and
Ramona.

RAMONA (V.O.)
I was only dating Lucas until the
minute Todd walked by. I guess
that’s not very nice, but I used to
be kind of...like that.

Young Ramona shoves Young Lucas down a hill and starts
making out with Young Todd.

RAMONA (V.O.)
We hated everyone. We wrecked
stuff. Nobody cared.

Young Ramona and Young Todd wreck stuff. Nobody cares.

RAMONA (V.O.)
He punched a hole in the moon for
me. It was pretty crazy.

Young Todd punches a hole in the moon. It’s pretty crazy.

RAMONA (V.O.)
A week and a half later, he told me
his Dad was sending him to the
Vegan Academy, so I dumped him.
Does that help you at all?

The FLASHBACK ends. Scott can only fixate on one aspect.

SCOTT
Have you dumped everyone you’ve
ever been with? You’ve never been
the dumpee?

Ramona shrugs.

RAMONA
Look, I’ve dabbled with being a
bitch. It’s part of the reason I
moved here. I was really hoping to
put it all behind me.

Todd appears behind Ramona - ready for another round.

TODD INGRAM
We have unfinished business, I and
he!

Scott stands up - sort of ready for another round.
94.

SCOTT
He and me.

TODD INGRAM
Don’t you talk to me about grammar!

SCOTT
I...dislike you. Capiche?
Understand?

TODD INGRAM
Tell it to the cleaning lady on
Monday.

SCOTT
What?

TODD INGRAM
Because you’ll be dust by Monday.

SCOTT
Um...

TODD INGRAM
Because I’ll be pulverizing you in
two seconds. And the cleaning
lady...cleans up...dust. She dusts.

SCOTT
Sorry, so what’s on Monday?

TODD INGRAM
Cos it’s Friday now and she has
weekends off, so...Monday. Right?

ENVY
Basically, you can’t win this fight
and you’ll have to give up on this
girl, ’˜cos Todd is going to kill
you.

SCOTT
You used to be so...nice!

Scott CHARGES at Todd, who PSYCH-THROWS him back into the
club. We hear a distant CRUMP. Stills calls through the
hole.

STEPHEN STILLS
Uh, we’re going to Pizza Pizza for
a slice, call us when you’re done.

ENVY
95.

Oh, he’ll be done real soon.

Sex Bob-Omb skulks away. Envy grins at Ramona, wicked.

ENVY
Sorry, baby. Crummy way to end
things, I know.

Suddenly, the bass-line from FINAL FANTASY 2 rumbles
through the walls. Todd calls to a roadie.

TODD INGRAM
Get me my bass. The good one.

Genres: Comedy, Action, Romance
Tone: Awkward, Witty, Tense, Humorous

Summary In the ratty backstage area of Lee's Palace, Sex Bob-Omb and Envy confront each other. Knives is shocked by Envy's hostility towards Scott and Ramona, leading to a tense confrontation between Todd and Scott. Todd's psychic powers overwhelm Scott, and Ramona's past with Todd is revealed. As the bass-line from FINAL FANTASY 2 rumbles through the walls, Todd prepares for another confrontation with Scott.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Awkward humor
Fantastical elements

Weaknesses

Some may find the vegan superpowers concept too outlandish

General Critique

The scene lacks clear direction and focus, jumping between different characters and conversations without a cohesive thread.
The tension and conflict between the characters, especially Envy, Todd, Ramona, and Scott, could be more effectively built up and resolved.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, with some exchanges coming across as awkward or unnecessary.
The transition between different character interactions and plot points is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the scene.
The physical actions and reactions of the characters, such as Knives screaming and Todd punching her, feel exaggerated and out of place in the context of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on developing a clear central conflict or theme for the scene to revolve around, such as the tension between Envy, Todd, Ramona, and Scott.
Streamline the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, cutting out unnecessary exchanges and focusing on advancing the plot and character development.
Work on smoother transitions between different character interactions and plot points to create a more cohesive and engaging scene.
Consider toning down the exaggerated physical actions and reactions of the characters to maintain a sense of realism and consistency in the scene.
Explore deeper emotional layers and motivations for the characters to add depth and complexity to their interactions and conflicts.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

81 INT. LEE’S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 81

SCOTT stands in an elephant’s graveyard of plastic cups and
bottles, picking the hell out of his bass, amp pegged to
10.

TODD INGRAM levitates, floating towards Scott with his
bass.

TODD INGRAM
You’re going down. Vegan Style!

Todd lands in front of Scott. BASS OFF! PICKS STRIKE
STRING!

Todd easily out-basses Scott, shredding him into oblivion.

The enormous reverb LAUNCHES club debris towards Scott.

SCOTT
The reverb is hurting my soul!!!

Scott slides across the floor and slams right into the
wall.

Todd LEVITATES, fauxhawk rising. He hovers next to him.

TODD INGRAM
That’s right, Pilgrim. I actually
know how to play bass.

Todd DETUNES his bass and delivers a death note that BLOWS
Scott right through the stage wall.

82 INT. LEE’S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA - CONTINUOUS 82
96.

Scott crashes into a backstage food table. Todd floats
toward him, savoring the kill. Envy appears beside him with
a smirk.

TODD INGRAM
I can read your thoughts. Your bass
hand is badly injured. You’re
through.

Scott turns around on his knees, cringing, holding a cup of
MILKY LOOKING COFFEE in either hand as a peace offering.

SCOTT
What say we drink to my memory?
Fair trade blend with soymilk?

ENVY
I’m sorry, but that’s pathetic.

TODD INGRAM
Dude. I can see in your mind’s eye
that you poured Half & Half into
one of these coffees in an attempt
to make me break vegan edge. I’ll
take the one with soy. Thanks,
tool.

Todd floats to the ground, takes one of the cups and
drinks.

SCOTT
Actually, I poured soy in this cup,
but thought real hard about pouring
it in that one. You know, in my
mind’s eye or whatever.

TODD INGRAM
What are you talking about?

SCOTT
You just drank Half & Half.

TWO TRENDY POLICE TYPES BUST IN THROUGH THE WALL, making
two more holes and pointing their fingers like deadly
weapons.

VEGAN POLICE OFFICERS
Freeze! Vegan Police!

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
Todd Ingram, you’re under arrest
for veganity violation code number
827, imbibement of Half & Half!
97.

TODD INGRAM
That’s bullroar!

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
No vegan diet, no vegan powers.

TODD INGRAM
But this is a first offense! Don’t
I get three strikes?

Vegan Police Officer #2 flips open his CODE VIOLATION book.

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
At 12:27 a.m. on February 1st, you
knowingly ingested Gelato.

TODD INGRAM
Gelato isn’t vegan?

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
Milk and eggs, bitch.

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
On April 4th, 7:30 p.m., you
partook a plate of Chicken
Parmesan.

Envy gasps, disgusted.

TODD INGRAM
Chicken isn’t vegan?

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
The deveganizing ray! Hit him.

The Vegan Police BLAST Todd with arcs of power from their
finger guns. Todd’s fauxhawk deflates into a bowl cut.

TODD INGRAM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Scott rises into a stance to deliver his killer line...

SCOTT
You once were a vegone, but now you
will be gone!

TODD INGRAM
Vegone?

Scott HEADBUTTS TODD, exploding him! POOM! Scott dusts
himself off as COINS rain down. Envy stares, jaw ajar.
98.

SCOTT
Uh, sorry I guess.

ENVY
Sorry? You just headbutted my
boyfriend so hard he burst.

SCOTT
You kicked my heart in the ass. So
I guess we’re even. Natalie.

ENVY
No one calls me that anymore.

SCOTT
Maybe they should. Now let’s get
out of here.

A battle worn Scott limps through the hole in the wall.

Ramona follows, shooting Envy a look on the way out.

RAMONA
Crummy way to end things, I know.

Envy blinks, in shock. Julie pops into shot.

JULIE
For the record, I am so pissed off
for you right now.

ENVY
Shut the fuck up, Julie.

Genres: Comedy, Action, Romance
Tone: Humorous, Tense, Awkward, Confrontational

Summary Scott challenges Todd Ingram to a bass battle and is easily defeated. However, Scott reveals that he has tricked Todd into breaking his vegan diet by pouring Half & Half into his coffee. Vegan Police Officers arrive and arrest Todd, confirming his violations and using their power to revert his powers and appearance. Scott delivers a witty line and headbutts Todd, exploding him in a shower of coins. Envy is shocked and upset, while Ramona and Julie express their support for Scott.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Innovative concept
Humorous elements
Tension and conflict

Weaknesses

Some elements may be too over-the-top for some audiences

General Critique

The scene is action-packed and full of tension, which is engaging for the audience. However, the dialogue could be more impactful and polished to enhance the emotional depth of the confrontation between Scott and Todd.
The resolution with the Vegan Police Officers arresting Todd feels a bit rushed and could be developed further to add more humor and depth to the scene.
The transition from the intense bass battle to the comedic arrest by the Vegan Police Officers could be smoother to maintain the tone of the scene.
The character interactions, especially between Scott, Todd, and Envy, could be more nuanced to showcase the complex relationships and emotions at play.
The resolution with Scott headbutting Todd and the subsequent exchange between Scott and Envy could be more emotionally resonant to provide a satisfying conclusion to their conflict.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider refining the dialogue to make it more impactful and emotionally resonant, especially during the confrontation between Scott and Todd.
Develop the resolution with the Vegan Police Officers further to add more humor and depth to the scene, while maintaining the tension of the confrontation.
Smooth out the transition between the intense bass battle and the comedic arrest to ensure the tone of the scene remains consistent.
Focus on enhancing the character interactions to showcase the complexity of the relationships and emotions involved in the scene.
Work on making the resolution with Scott headbutting Todd and the exchange with Envy more emotionally satisfying and resonant for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

83 INT. PIZZA PIZZA - NIGHT 83

Sex Bob-Omb, Wallace and Other Scott munch pizza slices.

Ramona and Scott, on the fringes. It’s an odd mood.

WALLACE
Envy Adams. I hate that bitch so
much I kind of love her.

OTHER SCOTT
Yeah. That Todd guy was cool too.
And hot. I liked him.

Scott sighs and holds a cold Coke Zero on his forehead.

RAMONA
99.

Are you okay?

SCOTT
Uh huh.

RAMONA
You sure about that?

SCOTT
Do I look like I’m not okay?

Scott does not look okay. Stills coughs.

STEPHEN STILLS
We’re still going to the after show
right?

KIM PINE
I’m not sure it’s gonna be much of
a party, I think a third of the
band just went ’poom’.

STEPHEN STILLS
Cool bands never go to their own
after parties. It’s just the
desperate people trying to rub
elbows with label guys.

KIM PINE
Then why would we...oh.

STEPHEN STILLS
Neil, you down?

Neil is at the counter with a catatonic Knives. He shrugs.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott? You’re in right?

RAMONA
Do you want to go?

SCOTT
I kind of almost died back there,
so...

RAMONA
I’m not saying I want to go.

SCOTT
Hey, we can totally go.

RAMONA
100.

I’ll do whatever you want to do.

SCOTT
So let’s go.

Scott takes another bite. Other Scott whispers to Wallace.

OTHER SCOTT
Are Scott and Ramona fighting?

WALLACE
Not to my knowledge.

OTHER SCOTT
Oh.

WALLACE
I mean, not with fists.

OTHER SCOTT
Oh.

WALLACE
Yet.

OTHER SCOTT
Ooh.

84 EXT. AFTER PARTY - NIGHT 84

The whole gang trudge to the after party. Scott limps a
bit, lagging behind. Ramona falls back with him.

RAMONA
We really don’t have to go to this
thing. It’ll probably be a bad
scene all around and we’ve already
had a full night.

SCOTT
No, I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just-

RAMONA
It’s just...

SCOTT
Well, not that fighting harder and
harder battles for your love is
getting old or anything...but have
you ever dated someone who wasn’t a
total ass?
101.

RAMONA
So far you’re not a total ass.

SCOTT
But I’m part ass?

RAMONA
If it makes you feel better, you’re
the nicest guy I’ve dated.

SCOTT
Wait...is that good?

RAMONA
It’s what I need right now.

SCOTT
But not...later?

RAMONA
Scott, I don’t have all the
answers. I’d just like to live in
the moment if I can.

SCOTT
Yeah, I’d just like to live.

Scott and Ramona enter a big, fartsy, artsy WAREHOUSE.

Genres: Romance, Comedy, Drama
Tone: Awkward, Reflective, Playful

Summary The scene takes place at a pizza place where Sex Bob-Omb, Wallace, Other Scott, Ramona, and Scott are eating. They discuss Envy Adams and Todd, and Scott is clearly not feeling well after a recent incident. The group decides to go to an after party despite reservations. There is tension between Scott and Ramona as they discuss their relationship and whether or not to go to the after party. The conflict is not fully resolved as they decide to go despite their reservations. The tone of the scene is a mix of casual conversation, tension between characters, and a sense of uncertainty. The scene ends with Scott and Ramona entering a big, fartsy, artsy warehouse for the after party.

Strengths

Rich character development
Engaging dialogue
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Lack of high stakes
Some repetitive dialogue

General Critique

The scene at Pizza Pizza lacks a clear direction and purpose, resulting in a disjointed and awkward mood.
The dialogue between the characters feels forced and lacks depth, failing to effectively convey the emotions and dynamics between them.
The transition from the previous scenes to this one is abrupt and does not flow smoothly, leaving the audience confused.
The interactions between the characters, especially Scott and Ramona, lack authenticity and fail to engage the audience.
The scene lacks a strong conflict or tension, making it feel flat and uninteresting.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' emotions and relationships.
Add more depth to the interactions between the characters to create a more engaging and meaningful scene.
Provide a clearer purpose and direction for the scene to ensure it contributes effectively to the overall story.
Work on improving the transition between scenes to create a smoother flow and enhance the audience's understanding.
Introduce a stronger conflict or tension to add depth and intrigue to the scene, making it more compelling for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

85 INT. AFTER PARTY - CONTINUOUS 85

RAMONA
Okay, I know Todd was bad news. But
are you saying Envy wasn’t? We all
have baggage.

SCOTT
My baggage doesn’t try and kill me
every five minutes. What did you do
to your ex-boyfriends to make them
so insane?

RAMONA
Exes.

SCOTT
WHATEVER-

RAMONA
No break up is painless. Someone
always gets hurt. What about you
and that girl Knives?
102.

SCOTT
Knives?

RAMONA
Who broke up with who?

SCOTT
I believe...I broke up with her.

RAMONA
And was she cool with that?

SCOTT
Yeah. She’s very mature for her
age. It was a very healthy break
up. We’re all peaches and gravy.

We hear an offscreen distant ’˜nooooo’ from Knives.

RAMONA
And what about you and Kim?

They pass Kim. She’s also staring at Scott. Not lovingly.

SCOTT
Me and Kim? I can barely remember.
Why, is it important?

RAMONA
Hey, you want to know everything
about my past, dude.

SCOTT
It was just...yeah. I don’t know.
It was high school. She had
freckles. It was cool, I guess.

RAMONA
That’s it?

SCOTT
Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.

Scott and Ramona have reached the bar at the party.

RAMONA
That’s really the whole story?

SCOTT
103.

OKAY! I had to fight a dude to get
with her! I fought a crazy eighty
foot tall purple suited dude! And I
had to fight 96 guys to get to him,
too! He was flying and shooting
lightning bolts from his eyes! He
was totally awesome and I kicked
him so far he saw the curvature of
the earth! Does that make you feel
any better?

RAMONA
Well now you are being a total ass.
Welcome to the club.

In the back glass of the bar, Scott sees his reflection:
fringed hair, wicked glare. He catches himself.

SCOTT
Sorry. I’m not usually like this.

RAMONA
Hey, don’t worry. I don’t know what
I’m like anymore.

SCOTT
I guess this whole ex-boyfriends
thing is really messing with my
head.

RAMONA
Exes.

SCOTT
Why do you keep saying-

PAF! A foot appears out of nowhere and KICKS Scott in the
head, sending him flying across the dance floor. Scott
looks up at his opponent, the MYSTERY ATTACKER!

SCOTT
Girl from earlier?

RAMONA
Roxy?

Scott gets up. The three square off in a triangle.

SCOTT
You know this girl?

ROXY
Oh boy, does she know me.
104.

SCOTT
What...is...she...talking about?

ROXY
He really doesn’t know?

SCOTT
(ping!)
You and her?

’ROXY RICHTER, 23, 4TH EVIL EX : SAPPHIC AGGRESSIVE’

RAMONA
It was just a phase.

ROXY
Just a phase?

SCOTT
You had a sexy phase?

RAMONA
I didn’t think it would count! It
meant nothing.

ROXY
It meant nothing???

RAMONA
I was just a little bi-curious.

ROXY
Well honey, I’m a little bi-
furious!

Roxy throws a SCORPION KICK at Scott’s face. Ramona CATCHES
her foot mid-air. Roxy flips out of the hold.

RAMONA
Do that again and I will end you.

ROXY
Back off hasbian. If Gideon can’t
have you, no one can. The League
hath spoken.

The girls square off, clearing the busy dance floor.

RAMONA
Then Gideon best get his
pretentious ass up here, ’˜cos I’m
about to kick yours out of the
Great White North.
105.

ROXY
You unbelievable bitch.

RAMONA pulls a LARGE HAMMER from her purse.

RAMONA
Believe it.

An embarrassed Scott watches with the rest of the crowd.

SCOTT
Wallace?

WALLACE
Uh huh?

SCOTT
This is happening, right?

WALLACE
Uh huh.

SCOTT
I mean, this is live?

WALLACE
Oh yeah. KICK HER IN THE BALLS,
RAMONA!

With blinding speed, Roxy slips her belt off and WHIPS A
RAZOR SHARP FLYING GUILLOTINE BELT BUCKLE at Ramona! Ramona
CARTWHEELS as the buckle sails between her legs and SMASHES
into a DISCO BALL. Mirrored shards fly everywhere.

PAF! Roxy vanishes as Ramona SWINGS the hammer at her. It
smashes a speaker. Sound on one side of the room cuts out.

Ramona turns around just in time to see Roxy’s deadly belt
SAILING towards her. She BLOCKS with the hammer. The belt
wraps around it. Roxy HURLS the hammer out the window.

ROXY
I’m sending you back to Gideon in a
thousand pieces, you slag.

Ramona springs off of various pieces of furniture, LEAPING
towards Roxy and PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE. Roxy REELS and
SLAMS into the wall, leaving a dent in it.

RAMONA
I’d rather be dead than go back.
He’s a creep, you’re a bitch and
you all deserve each other.
106.

ROXY
Give it a rest, Ramona. This is a
League game.

RAMONA
Meaning?

Roxy points an accusing finger at the mortified Scott.

ROXY
Meaning your precious Scott must
defeat me with his own fists. Or
possibly feet.

SCOTT
I’m not sure I can hit a girl.
They’re soft.

RAMONA
You don’t have a choice.

Ramona positions Scott into a fighting stance as Roxy
CHARGES with deadly intent. Ramona puppeteers Scott into a
furious volley of PUNCHES on Roxy. She staggers, winces.

ROXY
Fight your own battles, lazy ass!

PAF! Roxy disappears then REAPPEARS between Scott and
Ramona, kicking them apart with the splits. Roxy then KICKS
Scott into the ceiling. He lands HARD on the floor.

ROXY
Every Pilgrim reaches the end of
his journey. Some sooner than
others.

Roxy lifts her leg over her head, preparing to drop her
boot of DEATH on Scott’s head. She grins at Ramona.

ROXY
Your B.F’s about to get F’d in the
B!

RAMONA
Her weak point’s the back of her
knees!

SCOTT
What? How does that work?

RAMONA
Whenever we were making out, I-
107.

SCOTT
Okay.

As Roxy’s leg descends, Scott reaches up with one finger
and lightly TICKLES the back of Roxy’s knee.

GRAPHIC: ’TICKLE TICKLE!’

ROXY
Oh...

Roxy falls, still in the splits, throbbing with orgasmic
meltdown. Scott watches as Roxy giggles between spasms.

ROXY
You’ll...never...be able to do this
to herrrrrrrrrrr!

Roxy screams in ecstasy before EXPLODING into COINS. A
spent Scott is left standing in the middle of the room.

The party starts up again, a wave of gossip spreading
around the room. People text furiously and point fingers at
Scott.

Scott flushes red and retreats back to the bar. Ramona
follows tentatively. The gossip echoes around them.

RAMONA
Sooooo...

SCOTT
Two gin and tonics please.

RAMONA
I thought you didn’t drink.

SCOTT
Only on special occasions. Why? Did
you want one?

Scott swigs down his drink. Ramona tries to lighten things.

RAMONA
I guess we really don’t know that
much about each other do we?

Scott seems immediately drunk.

SCOTT
108.

Maybe you could just give me a list
of all your exes so at least I know
who’s going to beat my ass into the
ground next.

RAMONA
Oh, like a handy little laminate or
something? Let me see if I can find
one.
(looks through bag)
Maybe we could exchange our
information. Scott has already
downed his second drink.

SCOTT
Just out of sheer curiosity and
concern for my mortal well-being,
is there anyone at this party you
haven’t slept with?

EVERY GUY AND GIRL AT THE PARTY
HEY!

Ramona stops. Looks hurt. She touches her hair.

RAMONA
I really think we should split.

SCOTT
As in ’˜get out of here’? Or as in
’˜split split’?

RAMONA
I’d hope you could figure that out.
Or did you miss the part where I
saved your ass?

SCOTT
How could I not? I feel like we
just washed our sexy laundry in
public.

RAMONA
Dirty laundry. You’re drunk.

SCOTT
(holds up 2 fingers)
I’ve had like one drink.

RAMONA
109.

Well I’m sorry I cared. I don’t
enjoy all this Scott. In fact I’m
sick of it. I thought you might be
more understanding.

SCOTT
I just-

RAMONA
You’re just another evil ex-
boyfriend waiting to happen.

Ramona walks off and loudly announces:

RAMONA
And yes, there is someone at this
party I haven’t slept with. You.

Ramona leaves. Another crescendo of gossip echoes around
the room. Scott’s friends gather round in a pity party.

But then - Ramona returns, handing Scott a LAMINATED LIST.

RAMONA
P.S. Here’s your stupid list.

Ramona exits proper. Scott looks at the list. It
reads-’PATEL, LEE, INGRAM, RICHTER, KATAYANAGI TWINS,
GIDEON...’

SCOTT
Who the hell are the Katayanagi
Twins?

STEPHEN STILLS
You don’t know?

Genres: Action, Comedy, Romance
Tone: Humorous, Tense, Dramatic

Summary Ramona and Scott argue about their exes at an after-party, leading to a confrontation with Roxy, Ramona's fourth evil ex. Roxy claims she had a fling with Ramona and attacks Scott, forcing Ramona to intervene. Scott defeats Roxy by tickling her knee, a weakness revealed by Ramona. The scene ends with Ramona leaving, hurt by Scott's behavior, but returning to give him a list of her exes.

Strengths

Engaging action sequences
Complex character dynamics
Humorous dialogue

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may come off as forced or overly dramatic

General Critique

The dialogue between Scott and Ramona feels a bit forced and lacks depth. It comes off as superficial and doesn't delve into the emotional complexities of their relationship.
The introduction of Roxy as the fourth evil ex feels abrupt and somewhat out of place in the context of the party scene. The transition from the conversation between Scott and Ramona to the sudden fight with Roxy feels disjointed.
The fight scene with Roxy, while entertaining, seems to escalate quickly without much buildup or explanation. The resolution of the fight with a tickle to the back of Roxy's knee feels anticlimactic and lacks a sense of tension or stakes.
The interaction between Scott and Ramona after the fight lacks emotional depth and feels rushed. The dialogue between them comes off as flippant and doesn't fully explore the impact of their past relationships on their current dynamic.
The gossip and reactions from the partygoers at the end of the scene feel exaggerated and melodramatic, detracting from the authenticity of the moment.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the dialogue between Scott and Ramona to add more emotional depth and authenticity to their conversation. Explore their feelings and motivations more deeply.
Integrate the introduction of Roxy more seamlessly into the scene to ensure a smoother transition from the conversation between Scott and Ramona to the fight sequence.
Build up the tension and stakes in the fight scene with Roxy to create a more engaging and impactful climax. Consider adding more layers to the conflict between the characters.
Enhance the emotional resonance of the interaction between Scott and Ramona after the fight by delving into their vulnerabilities and insecurities. Show the impact of their past relationships on their present dynamic.
Tone down the melodrama of the gossip and reactions from the partygoers to maintain a sense of realism and authenticity in the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

86 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - NIGHT 86

Stills flips to hand drawn sketches of THE KATAYANAGIS,
identical Asian twins dressed like pretentious New Wave
fops.

STEPHEN STILLS
They’re the next band in the battle
and they are badass.

We reveal a grim, terse Scott playing a doomy bassline. The
rehearsal room feels empty without Knives or Ramona.

KIM PINE
Ramona dated twins?
110.

SCOTT
Apparently.

YOUNG NEIL
At the same time?

SCOTT
You know what? I don’t know and I
don’t want to know.

STEPHEN STILLS
Good. You know how I feel about
girls cockblocking the rock.

SCOTT
Good. I play better in a bad mood.

STEPHEN STILLS
If it’s gonna be an issue though,
Young Neil can fill in for you.

SCOTT
It’s not an issue. You know bands,
I know battles. We got it covered.

STEPHEN STILLS
Well, we’d understand if you didn’t
want to take part.

SCOTT
Not only do I want to take part. I
want to take them apart.

STEPHEN STILLS
Okay. I’m getting tingles.

YOUNG NEIL
Whoa...

87 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 87

Sex Bob-Omb and Young Neil load their gear at the venue.

STEPHEN STILLS
Okay. We’re doomed.

YOUNG NEIL
Oh...

Flyers cover the outside walls of another rock venue:
111.

’T.I.B.B! SEX BOB-OMB!! THE KATAYANAGI TWINS!!! AMP VERSUS
AMP!!!! TWO BANDS ENTER!!!!!! ONE BAND LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!’

KIM PINE
That flyer needs more exclamation
marks.

STEPHEN STILLS
Oh, we are going to get killed.

YOUNG NEIL
Come on. You’re onstage in five.

SCOTT
Aren’t the Katamaris or whatever on
first?

YOUNG NEIL
I think you’re both on first?

STEPHEN STILLS
Wait...amp versus amp? We’re going
on stage at the same time?

SCOTT
That’s impossible-

Genres: Comedy, Music, Action
Tone: Tense, Awkward, Doomed, Excited

Summary Stephen Stills presents sketches of the Katayanagi Twins, the next opponents in the battle. The band discusses Ramona's involvement with the twins and the upcoming confrontation. Scott remains focused and determined, while Stephen appears anxious. The scene ends with the group loading gear at the venue, facing the realization of performing concurrently with the Katayanagi Twins.

Strengths

Effective setup for the upcoming battle of the bands
Tense and exciting tone
Introduction of new characters adds depth to the story

Weaknesses

Lack of significant character development or emotional impact

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus or direction, with the conversation jumping between topics without a cohesive thread.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, with characters making random comments that don't add to the scene.
There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
The transition between the previous scene and this one is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly, leaving the reader confused.
The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and actions to create a more dynamic and engaging atmosphere.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Focus on a central theme or conflict to drive the scene forward and keep the dialogue relevant.
Work on developing the characters' personalities and relationships through their interactions and dialogue.
Consider adding more emotional depth and tension to the scene to make it more engaging for the reader.
Smooth out the transition between scenes to create a more seamless narrative flow.
Include more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the atmosphere and bring the scene to life.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

88 INT. THE NINTH CIRCLE, STAGE - NIGHT 88

’ACTUALLY, NO’

Two stages sit on either side of the auditorium. On one: a
MONOLITHIC WALL OF ELK AMPLIFIERS. On the other, SEX BOB-
OMB, with their dinky LAME BRAND amps behind them.

SCOTT
Okay. My bad.

KIM PINE
Your bad is saying my bad.

Sex Bob-Omb stare up at the Katayanagi amps, sweating
behind their instruments. Stills looks into the audience
positioned between the bands: a legion of identical INDIE
TEENS.

STEPHEN STILLS
We shouldn’t even be here. We
shouldn’t even be here.

Stills tries to run. Scott grabs him and pulls him back.
112.

SCOTT
Come on man! I put aside my
problems for the music. If I can do
that, we can do anything.

KIM PINE
Did you speak to Ramona then?

SCOTT
What? No. I haven’t seen her since
the other night.

KIM PINE
Oh. She’s totally here.

Kim points to RAMONA in the crowd. She is totally there.
Her hair is now the BRIGHTEST GREEN, and she stands next to
a nondescript MYSTERY GEEK in blazer and black rimmed
glasses.

They are chatting. She looks happy. Scott turns bleak
again.

KIM PINE
Scott? Not that I care...but you
should talk to her before she’s
gone...

SCOTT
Thanks Ki-

KIM PINE
And I really don’t care.

Scott nods at Kim’s advice. He looks back to the crowd to
find the MYSTERY GEEK staring right at him. Then-

Disorienting LIGHTS and LASERS flash on the opposite stage.

A wall of FEEDBACK builds...THE KATAYANAGI TWINS appear,
sliding onstage behind their respective keyboard stands.

KYLE KATAYANAGI, 23, is very serious and Japanese. KEN
KATAYANAGI, 23, is serious and very Japanese.

Scott, Stephen Stills and Kim share a nervous look.

STEPHEN STILLS
Okay gang. Can we do this? I mean,
we can do this. Right?

KIM PINE
Right.
113.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott?

Scott is distracted again by the Mystery Geek staring at
him.

KIM PINE
Scott!

Kyle Katayanagi hits a SINGLE NOTE on the keyboard,
blasting an enormous wave of sound at Sex Bob-Omb. It’s so
loud that it shakes the foundations and rips the lighting
rig from the ceiling, leaving a huge hole in the roof. The
crowd cheers.

AUDIENCE DUDE (O.S.)
They brought the house down.

Now an open air venue, SNOW falls onto the stage. An earth
shaking BASS NOTE blows the dust off Sex Bob-Omb... Scott
and Stills get into battle position. Scott screams!

SCOTT
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO
MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET
SAD AND STUFF! 1-2-3-4!

Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT, their sound blowing a mass of snow
towards the Katayanagis. For once, they sound awesome.

Kyle looks at Ken. They share a nod. Ken turns their amps
up to the Japanese character for ’11’. Their waveforms
transform the swirling snow into a TWO HEADED WHITE DRAGON!

Katayanagi SLAM their Moogs. Heavy weirdness EXPLODES from
the amps! The Dragon blows a BLAST of snowy fire that BLOWS
SEX BOB-OMB OFF THE STAGE. The crowd ERUPTS into cheers.

Scott, Kim and Stills lie in a heap under their
instruments.

STEPHEN STILLS
Let’s break up now and get it over
with. We screwed the pooch in front
of Gideon Graves. We’re done.

SCOTT
Gideon...is here? Where?

Stills points to the ’Mystery Geek’, who smirks and
whispers in Ramona’s ear. This is GIDEON GRAVES, 37,
ASSHOLE.
114.

SCOTT
That’s Gideon?

Scott’s eyes reflect Ramona’s hair and turn GREEN. He
struggles to his feet. The crowd slowly stops clapping as
Scott pulls Stills to his feet, then helps Kim up.

SCOTT
Alright, let’s do this!

Kim, inspired by Scott’s new hardcore attitude, comes in
heavy on the kick drum. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!

Heads nod in time as Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT! Their waveforms
transform a mass of snow into a GREEN EYED YETI!

The Katayanagis fight back with their future sounds and
their Sonic Dragon stalks towards Sex Bob-Omb, slinking on
perfect beat with the Katayanagis’ spooky music.

The Yeti and the Dragons CLASH at center stage, fighting in
time to the music!

Scott and Stills bring their pick hands down like fierce
PUNCHES. The Yeti brings it’s fists down on The Dragon. Sex
Bob-Omb HAMMER DOWN THE FINAL NOTE:

The Yeti picks up The Dragon and THROWS it at the
Katayanagi Twins, EXPLODING them and their amps into COINS.

’+999 ROCKING’

KIM PINE
That...was epic.

The crowd goes bazooky. A DISEMBODIED SCOTT HEAD appears,
hovering next to Scott.

Scott looks for Ramona in the crowd, but she and Gideon are
gone. Scott hands his bass to Young Neil.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott. What are you doing?

SCOTT
Getting a life.

Scott swipes the SCOTT HEAD and jumps into the still-
applauding crowd. He can’t find Ramona, but comes upon
KNIVES standing alone in her homemade Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.

KNIVES CHAU
115.

I just came to see the show. I’m
not even stalking you.

Knives’s unusually composed demeanor gives Scott pause.

SCOTT
You seem... different.

Knives shrugs, different.

KNIVES CHAU
I feel like I know stuff now.

Scott and Knives lock eyes. Scott suddenly spots a flash of
GREEN HAIR exiting the building.

SCOTT
Ramona...

Scott follows. Knives watches him go, eyes narrowing.

Genres: Comedy, Action, Fantasy
Tone: Humorous, Intense, Epic, Surreal

Summary Sex Bob-Omb and The Katayanagi Twins engage in an epic battle of the bands on stage, with Sex Bob-Omb emerging victorious despite initial setbacks. Scott realizes the need for self-improvement and seeks Ramona, but she has vanished. Knives appears to have undergone a positive transformation.

Strengths

Engaging concept
Dynamic dialogue
Intense conflict
Humorous tone

Weaknesses

Some confusion in the supernatural elements
Lack of clarity on Gideon Graves' motives

General Critique

The scene lacks clear transitions between different moments, making it feel disjointed and confusing for the audience.
There is a lack of emotional depth in the interactions between the characters, particularly in Scott's reaction to seeing Ramona with Gideon.
The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially in the interactions between Scott, Kim Pine, and Stephen Stills.
The scene relies heavily on cliches and stereotypes, such as the mysterious geek revealing himself to be Gideon Graves, which can come across as predictable.
The visual elements, such as the transformation of snow into creatures, feel over-the-top and detract from the realism of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Work on creating smoother transitions between different moments to improve the flow of the scene.
Focus on developing more nuanced and authentic emotional reactions from the characters, especially in key moments like Scott seeing Ramona with Gideon.
Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of each character's unique voice and personality.
Avoid relying on cliches and stereotypes to drive the plot forward, and instead focus on creating original and engaging interactions.
Consider toning down the visual effects and focusing on enhancing the realism of the scene to make it more relatable to the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

89 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 89

Scott chases Ramona down the street outside the venue.

SCOTT
Ramona. I have something I need to
tell you.

RAMONA
Yeah, I have something to-

SCOTT
(rushed)
Great. Listen, I know you just play
mysterious and aloof to avoid
getting hurt. I know you have
reasons for not wanting to talk
about your past. And I want you to
know, I don’t care about any of
that stuff. Why? Because I’m in
lesbians with you.

RAMONA
What?

SCOTT
I really, really mean it.

RAMONA
Oh. Okay.
116.

SCOTT
What did you want to tell me?

RAMONA
That we have to break up.

SCOTT
What?

RAMONA
Yeah...it’s not going to work out.

SCOTT
Oh okay...

A sleek black ’˜61 Lincoln Continental pulls up behind.

RAMONA
It’s Gideon. I just...I can’t help
myself around him.

VOICE (O.S.)
That’s the bad news.

GIDEON GRAVES appears behind Scott with Stills and Kim in
tow. The Lincoln parks. A driver opens the passenger door.

GIDEON GRAVES
The good news, Scottie, is I’m
officially loving the Sex Bombs.

SCOTT
Bob-Omb.

GIDEON GRAVES
Three piece rock outfit with a
semi- attractive female drummer?
Music to my earholes.

Scott glowers. Ramona looks at the floor. Stills is ga-ga.

TEXT: An arrow points to Stills’ crotch, captioned ’PEE’.

GIDEON GRAVES
You know, I’m not even going to
wait to see how you guys do in the
final. I’m signing you right now
for a three album deal.

Gideon produces a CONTRACT and clicks a pen.

GIDEON GRAVES
117.

See? I’m not such a bad guy after
all.

Scott GRABS the contract and throws it onto the sidewalk.

SCOTT
You think we’re gonna sell our
souls to you? Well then guess-

We hear SCRIBBLING. Stills has picked up the contract and
is furiously signing it using Scott’s back. Kim shrugs and
signs it too, before trying to hand it back to Scott.

SCOTT
Nuh-uh. I can’t be part of the band
with this douche-in-charge.

GIDEON GRAVES
Scottie, buddy, can I just say,
keep your emotions in check. Don’t
let what’s past screw up your
future.

Scott watches Ramona get into the Continental. She rolls
the mirrored window up so Scott stares at his own
reflection.

STEPHEN STILLS
The people need to hear us, Scott.

SCOTT
Then you’re going to need to find
someone else to play bass.

A cough. A meek Young Neil slides into view, bass in hand.

GIDEON GRAVES
Looks like we’re all set.

Young Neil signs the contract. There are hand shakes all
round. Gideon turns to Scott and pats him on the shoulder.

GIDEON GRAVES
Oh and Scott, we should really be
thanking each other. I mean, if it
wasn’t for me, you would have never
been with Ramona, but if it wasn’t
for you, she wouldn’t be back with
me. So I guess it all shakes out.

Gideon walks around to the driver side of the Lincoln.

GIDEON GRAVES
118.

And hey, the whole League of Evil
Exes thing? I was in a dark place
when I put that together. Forgiven?

Gideon disappears into the Lincoln and drives off and Sex
Bob-Omb drift away. Scott stands alone. He slaps his head-

SCOTT
I said ’lesbians’!

90 INT. THE BUS / GIDEON’S LINCOLN 90

Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Ramona...
Ramona sits expressionless in the back of Gideon’s car...
Scott tries desperately to think positive...

A smiling Gideon sidles closer to Ramona...

Scott walks forlornly down an empty street and bumps his
head on a telephone pole. ’THONK’.

’OH GOD WHY’

Genres: Romance, Comedy, Action
Tone: Romantic, Humorous, Dramatic

Summary Scott chases Ramona down the street outside the venue and confesses his feelings for her, only to have Ramona reveal she wants to break up with him because of her attraction to Gideon. Gideon offers Scott's band a record deal, causing tension as Scott refuses to sign the contract, leading to the potential breakup of the band.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Slightly predictable plot twists
Some cliched romantic elements

General Critique

The scene starts off with a rushed and somewhat awkward confession of love from Scott to Ramona, which feels a bit forced and out of place given the context of their relationship.
The dialogue between Scott and Ramona lacks depth and emotional resonance, making it difficult for the audience to connect with their interactions and the gravity of the situation.
The introduction of Gideon Graves and the sudden offer of a record deal feels abrupt and contrived, taking away from the emotional weight of Scott and Ramona's breakup.
The resolution of the scene, with Scott's bandmates signing the contract behind his back, feels rushed and lacks a sense of agency for Scott as the protagonist.
The final moments of the scene, with Scott realizing his mistake about saying 'lesbians' and the abrupt shift to a montage of Scott and Ramona's separate journeys, feels disjointed and lacks a cohesive narrative flow.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the confession of love between Scott and Ramona to make it more authentic and emotionally resonant.
Develop the dialogue between Scott and Ramona to deepen their connection and provide more insight into their feelings and motivations.
Integrate the introduction of Gideon Graves and the offer of a record deal more organically into the scene to maintain the focus on Scott and Ramona's relationship.
Provide Scott with more agency in the resolution of the scene, allowing him to make a more decisive choice regarding the record deal and his future with the band.
Refine the pacing and structure of the scene to ensure a smoother transition between the emotional beats and narrative developments.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

91 EXT. THE PARK - NIGHT / DAY / NIGHT 91

Scott sits on the swings, staring straight ahead. Night
turns to day. Day turns to night.

Scott remains in the exact same position.

STACEY (O.S.)
Was she really the one?

Scott looks over to see STACEY on the swing next to him.

SCOTT
The wha?

STACEY
I mean, did you really see a future
with this girl?

SCOTT
Like...with jetpacks?

Stacey stands to go, gives Scott a hug.

STACEY
119.

Time heals all wounds, little
brother. Maybe next time let’s not
date the girl with eleven evil ex-
boyfriends.

SCOTT
Seven.

STACEY
Oh. Well that’s not so bad.

Stacey heads off. Scott looks at the camera.

92 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 92

Scott enters. Flicks the light on. Gets a shock.

SCOTT
Aaah!

WALLACE (O.S.)
TURN OFF THE LIGHT!

Scott flicks the light off. Over PITCH BLACK...

WALLACE (O.S.)
Presumably you just saw someone’s
junk, and I apologize for that.

VOICE (O.S.)
Sorry.

SCOTT (O.S.)
Was that Other Scott or Jimmy or
someone?

WALLACE (O.S.)
Or someone.

VOICE (O.S.)
It’s Chris.

WALLACE (O.S.)
It’s Chris.

93 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - LATER 93

Scott sits in the chair, wrapped in a blanket. SOME GUY
lies in Scott’s usual futon spot (wearing Wallace’s
monogrammed robe). Wallace hands Scott cocoa.
120.

WALLACE
Scott, you know I love you. But I
need my own bed tonight. For sex.

SCOTT
Right.

WALLACE
I may need it the rest of the week
too.

SCOTT
Right.

WALLACE
And the year.

SCOTT
I get it.

WALLACE
Maybe you can move in with Ramona.

Scott stares deep into his cocoa and shakes his head.

SCOTT
She’s with Gideon.

WALLACE
Ah. That sucks. But you know, it’s
probably just because he’s better
than you.

Scott nods.

WALLACE
He’ll certainly have better hair.

Scott nods.

WALLACE
Either way, I think this fight is
over.

Scott nods.

WALLACE
You can sleep on the floor until
you get somewhere else to stay. I
got you muffs and blinkers in case
this might happen.

Wallace produces earmuffs and a sleep mask.
121.

SCOTT
Thanks.

RINGY RING. Scott stares at the phone. Some guy picks up.

SOME GUY
It’s for Scott.

SCOTT
(takes phone)
Hello?

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Hey, pal. Just wanted to say I feel
terrible about earlier. I don’t
want any hard feelings, so I
figured why not be the bigger man
and give you a call.

SCOTT
Is Ramona with you?

94 INT. GIDEON’S LAIR - CONTINUOUS 94

Gideon appears to sit on some kind of throne. He calls off.

GIDEON GRAVES
I don’t know. Are you with me?

RAMONA (O.S.)
Yeah.

SCOTT (O.S.)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

GIDEON GRAVES
Geez buddy, it’s gonna be alright.

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Action
Tone: Humorous, Reflective, Melancholic

Summary Scott reflects on his past relationship while sitting on the swings in the park, where Stacey offers him advice. He then goes to Wallace's apartment, where he is told to find a new place to sleep. The tension escalates when Gideon calls to apologize, but Scott's reaction is negative.

Strengths

Balancing humor and emotion
Character development
Setting up new conflicts

Weaknesses

Lack of external action or high stakes

General Critique

The transition from Scott sitting on the swings in the park to Wallace's apartment feels a bit abrupt and disjointed.
The dialogue between Scott and Stacey in the park lacks depth and emotional impact, it could be more meaningful and insightful.
The interaction between Scott and Wallace in the apartment lacks a clear direction or purpose, it feels a bit aimless.
The humor in the scene with Wallace's roommate and the mention of someone's junk feels forced and out of place.
The phone call between Gideon and Scott at the end of the scene feels rushed and lacks tension or suspense.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more emotional depth and introspection to Scott's conversation with Stacey in the park to make it more impactful.
Provide a clearer transition between the park scene and Wallace's apartment to improve the flow of the narrative.
Focus on developing a more meaningful and purposeful interaction between Scott and Wallace in the apartment to drive the story forward.
Refine the humor in the scene with Wallace's roommate to ensure it fits seamlessly into the overall tone of the screenplay.
Build more tension and suspense in the phone call between Gideon and Scott to create a more engaging and compelling moment.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

95 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS 95

SCOTT
No, I just spilled cocoa on my
crotch.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
122.

Sure you did. Well as you know, I’m
opening a new Chaos Theatre in
Toronto and The Sex Bobs are
playing our grand opening tonight,
and it would feel really weird for
all of us if you weren’t there.
They just did a sound check and the
acoustics in here are amazing.

SCOTT
(grim)
Yeah. Maybe I’ll see you there.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
I hope so, amigo. I don’t want
anymore bad blood between ex’s.
What do you say?

SCOTT
Mm.

GIDEON GRAVES
Okay laters.

Click.

WALLACE (O.S.)
What a perfect asshole.

Scott turns, alarmed. REVEAL Wallace on the other cordless.

WALLACE
Forget what I said earlier. Finish
him.

96 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - NIGHT 96

Snow blows around a steely eyed Scott as he stomps towards
a group of desolate WAREHOUSES near the water. A lone
HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette, leaning against a warehouse
wall.

HIPSTER KID
Password?

Scott shrugs.

SCOTT
Whatever.

HIPSTER KID
Cool.
123.

The Hipster Kid waves Scott in.

97 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 97

The warehouse is empty. Scott follows the sound of music to
a GATED ELEVATOR. Two Hipster Kids guard the elevator.

HIPSTER KID
Second password?

Scott gives the slightest shrug.

HIPSTER KID
Cool.

Scott steps into the elevator. So far so good.

Genres: Action, Comedy, Romance
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Humorous

Summary Scott Pilgrim receives an invitation from Gideon Graves to attend the opening of his new Chaos Theatre. Despite their history, Gideon expresses a desire for reconciliation. Scott faces an internal conflict between attending and seeking revenge. With Wallace's encouragement, he decides to pursue vengeance and navigates through warehouses, overcoming obstacles to reach Gideon's domain.

Strengths

Tension-building
Sharp dialogue
High-stakes conflict
Character development

Weaknesses

Some supporting characters lack depth
Emotional impact could be stronger

General Critique

The dialogue between Gideon Graves and Scott Pilgrim feels a bit forced and lacks depth. It could benefit from more emotional resonance and subtext to make the interaction more engaging.
The transition from the phone call with Gideon to Scott walking towards the warehouses is a bit abrupt and could be smoother. Adding a brief moment of reflection or internal conflict for Scott could help bridge the two scenes more effectively.
The introduction of the Hipster Kid as a gatekeeper with passwords feels a bit cliched and could be more creatively developed to add depth to the setting and character interactions.
The scene lacks a clear sense of tension or stakes leading up to Scott entering the warehouse. Building up the anticipation or mystery surrounding the Chaos Theatre and Gideon Graves could enhance the dramatic impact of the scene.
The visual description of the warehouse being empty and Scott following the sound of music to the gated elevator is a bit simplistic. Adding more sensory details or atmospheric elements could enrich the setting and create a more immersive experience for the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the dialogue between Gideon and Scott to add more layers of emotion and subtext, making the interaction more compelling.
Work on smoothing out the transition between the phone call and Scott's arrival at the warehouses to create a more seamless flow between scenes.
Explore alternative ways to introduce the Hipster Kid and the concept of passwords to add a unique and engaging twist to the scene.
Focus on building up the tension and stakes leading up to Scott entering the warehouse to heighten the suspense and intrigue of the moment.
Enhance the visual description of the warehouse and Scott's surroundings to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

98 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 98

Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON’S
UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT...the CHAOS THEATRE.

All HIPSTER KIDS have gathered in one spot of ultimate
snobbery. They are legion, wearing identical outfits; Chuck
Taylors, skinny jeans. COMEAU holds court among them.

COMEAU
Yeah, their first album is so much
better than their first album.

Scott pushes through the idiot hordes. SEX BOB-OMB are
playing onstage, now using SWEET BRAND amps, YOUNG NEIL on
bass. Stills sees Scott walking by as they finish a song.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott!

Scott pauses, looking up at his former bandmates.

STEPHEN STILLS
Let it go. Don’t give him the
satisfaction.

SCOTT
What if I want the satisfaction?

STEPHEN STILLS
Well, then you’re doomed.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
124.

Scott Pilgrim!

Scott turns to see GIDEON sitting on a throne of cool atop
a BLACK VELVET VIP PYRAMID. Ramona kneels at his side.

GIDEON GRAVES
Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos
Theatre. Somebody get this man a
drink! Coke Zero right?

A COCKTAIL WAITRESS with a fringe appears with a Coke Zero.

Scott takes the beverage and THROWS THE CUP TO THE FLOOR!

SCOTT
I’m not here to drink.

GIDEON GRAVES
I got no beef with you.

SCOTT
What if I have a beef...with you?

GIDEON GRAVES
Are you still mad about that whole
thing with the Guild?

SCOTT
You mean ’The League’?

GIDEON GRAVES
Guild, League, whatever. It’s
ancient history.

Gideon puts his arm around Ramona.

SCOTT
I’ll show you how ancient of
history it is.

Scott gets into a fighting stance. Gideon loses his cool.

GIDEON GRAVES
No use crying over spilt Coke,
buddy. The lady made her choice and
we’re all gonna have to move on.

SCOTT
Well I ain’t moving...buddy.

GIDEON GRAVES
You want to fight me for her?
125.

SCOTT
Was that not clear?
(to Sex-Bob-Omb)
Was that not clear?

Sex Bob-Omb shake their heads. Gideon stands up, flexes.

GIDEON GRAVES
Now why on earth do you want to do
that?

SCOTT
Because, I’m in love with her.

Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A new power comes over Scott.
He reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty
vintage T-shirt and pulls a FLAMING BLUE SWORD from his own
chest.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Scott earned the power of love...

Ramona looks away from Scott. Gideon smiles.

GIDEON GRAVES
I think this deserves a song.
Kimberly?

Kim scratches her head with her middle finger before
grudgingly launching into a number.

KIM PINE
We are Sex Bob-Omb, we are here to
make money, and sell out and stuff.

Kim clicks out a fast tempo. Sex Bob-Omb begin to ROCK OUT.

A HORDE OF HIPSTER INDIE KIDS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM, ON
BEAT.

Scott swings at them with his FLAMING BLUE SWORD. He
slashes at them to the beat, exploding each attacker into
COINS.

Scott then RUNS up the side of the pyramid towards Gideon.

GIDEON GRAVES
Ramona. My cane.

Ramona hands Gideon a cane with G-MAN engraved on the
handle. He unsheathes a SWORD that could not have fit in
there.
126.

Scott and Gideon LEAP towards each other...Gideon descends
like a vulture and SMASHES the sword out of Scott’s hands.

Scott hits the ground HARD, rolling to a stop.

SCOTT
Your club sucks, by the way.

Gideon approaches, to administer a final blow.

GIDEON GRAVES
If my cathedral of cutting edge
taste holds no interest for your
tragically Canadian sensibilities,
then I shall grant you a swift exit
from the premises. And fast
entrance into HELLLLLLL.

Gideon raises his sword. Then from above...

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
SCOOOOOOOOOTT!!!

KNIVES CHAU sails into frame and KICKS the sword out of
Gideon’s hands. She lands awkwardly, tripping and falling
down the side of the pyramid. Gideon chuckles.

GIDEON GRAVES
That is priceless.

Scott looks to Knives, both concerned and amazed. She
quickly recovers and POINTS a furious finger.

’KNIVES CHAU, 18 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: SCOTTAHOLIC’

KNIVES CHAU
You’ll pay for what you did to him!

GIDEON GRAVES
Listen, Kung Pao Chicken, your old
old boyfriend brought this all on
himself. He was warned plenty of
times. But did he listen? Did he f-

KNIVES CHAU
I’m not talking to you. I’m talking
to HER!

Angle on a confused RAMONA standing behind Gideon.

RAMONA
What?
127.

KNIVES CHAU
YOU BROKE THE HEART THAT BROKE
MINE! GET READY TO CHAU DOWN!

Knives leaps up the pyramid toward a shocked Ramona!

RAMONA
You’re kidding right?

Knives pulls out KNIVES and charges! Ramona fights
defensively, redirecting Knives’ parries without harming
her.

GIDEON GRAVES
You can’t say I don’t know how to
put on a show.

GIDEON lashes out at Scott. He can barely block Gideon’s
tremendous blows, distracted by his duelling exes.

RAMONA
What the hell is your deal?

KNIVES CHAU
You stole him with your advanced
American slut technology.

DUAL DUEL! The fighters weave in and out of each other,
throwing blocks and punches, KUNG FU STYLE.

RAMONA
I don’t know what you’re talking
about, I didn’t steal anyone.

Scott lands a KICK to Gideon’s chest, sending him flying
off the edge of the pyramid. He then BLOCKS a punch from
Knives to Ramona and spins her away, separating them.

SCOTT
Can we please stop all this
fighting! Nobody stole anybody.
Knives, I dated you and then I
dated Ramona. Okay?
(beat)

SCOTT
I mean...maybe I kind of forgot to
tell Knives right away, but...

KNIVES CHAU
Then you cheated on me, Scott!
(eyes narrowing)
You cheated on both of us.
128.

Knives and Ramona both look at Scott, neither amused.

RAMONA
You cheated on me with Knives?

SCOTT
No! I cheated on Knives. With you.

RAMONA
Is there a difference?

SCOTT
You weren’t wronged?

Scott breaks into a flop sweat.

SCOTT
Right?

Knives and Ramona stare at Scott.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Game over!

STAB! A sword pierces Scott’s chest from behind.

GIDEON GRAVES
Scottie. You can cheat on these
ladies all you want, but you
can’t...cheat...death.

Scott slides off Gideon’s sword and falls to the ground...
TEXT WITH ARROW POINTING TO SCOTT: ’DEAD’ Everything goes
white...SAND blows through frame...Scott’s eyes blink open.
He looks up into a BLINDING BLUE SKY...

Genres: Action, Comedy, Romance
Tone: Humorous, Intense, Dramatic

Summary Scott Pilgrim confronts Gideon Graves in the Chaos Theatre for Ramona's love. Knives defends Scott from Gideon, while Ramona and Knives duel. Gideon stabs Scott, seemingly killing him.

Strengths

Engaging action sequences
Complex character dynamics
Witty dialogue

Weaknesses

Slightly convoluted romantic entanglements
Some dialogue may be confusing for viewers

General Critique

The scene at the Chaos Theatre is visually dynamic and full of action, but it feels a bit cluttered with multiple elements happening simultaneously.
The dialogue between Scott, Gideon, Ramona, and Knives is a bit convoluted and could be streamlined for better clarity and impact.
The introduction of Knives Chau into the fight between Scott and Gideon adds an interesting twist, but her motivations and actions could be more clearly defined.
The emotional dynamics between Scott, Ramona, and Knives are complex and could be further explored to deepen the impact of their interactions.
The fight sequences and visual effects are engaging, but the transitions between different elements of the scene could be smoother for better flow.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider simplifying the dialogue to make the interactions between the characters more concise and impactful.
Clarify Knives Chau's motivations and actions in the fight scene to enhance her role in the confrontation.
Focus on the emotional dynamics between Scott, Ramona, and Knives to add depth to their interactions and make the scene more compelling.
Ensure smooth transitions between different elements of the scene to improve the overall flow and coherence of the action.
Consider pacing the action sequences to allow for moments of tension and release, enhancing the impact of the fight between Scott, Gideon, Ramona, and Knives.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

99 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - DAY 99

Scott sits up next to a lone cactus, rubbing his temples.

SCOTT
Ugh.

Ramona appears out of nowhere; fainter than before.

RAMONA
Sorry. Dying probably sucks.

SCOTT
You know what sucks? Getting killed
by THAT guy. Why him?
129.

RAMONA
It’s complicated.

SCOTT
Well, maybe now would be the time
to get into it. Seeing as I’m about
to die.

RAMONA
Alright... the truth is, it was me
who was obsessed. I was crazy about
him. But he ignored me. I was more
alone when we were together than I
ever was on my own. That’s why I
had to leave... and that’s when he
started paying attention.

SCOTT
So why go back?

RAMONA
I can’t help myself around him,
Scott. He just... has a way of
getting into my head.

SCOTT
Well, that’s legitimately
disappointing. I really will leave
you alone forever now...

RAMONA
No. I mean, he literally has a way
of getting into my head.

Ramona lifts her hair up on the back of her head, revealing
a blinking CHIP implanted on her skull.

SCOTT
That is evil.

RAMONA
He’s like that.

Ramona covers the chip, self-consciously touching her hair.

SCOTT
So this kinda sucks for everybody,
eh?

RAMONA
I’m sorry it had to end this way.
We had a good run, I guess.
130.

SCOTT
You can’t say I didn’t try. I
really fought for you back there.

RAMONA
Uh-huh.

The winds blow harder, Ramona seeming to fade away.

RAMONA
But someone was fighting pretty
hard for you back there.

Scott’s eyes go wide with epiphany.

SCOTT
Knives?

RAMONA
I wish I was ever as fanatically
devoted to anything as that girl is
to you.

Ramona slowly dissolve away in the sand.

SCOTT
I feel like I learned something.
Which would be great if I wasn’t
dead.

Ramona is gone. Scott slumps to his knees.

SCOTT
So...so alone.

DA-DING. The PILGRIM-HEAD appears and rotates around Scott.

SCOTT
Ahhhhhh...

We FLASH BACK to Scott swiping the PILGRIM HEAD, then FAST
FORWARD through the breakup with Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb. We
hear Scott screaming throughout this magical restart.

SCOTT
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

Genres: Fantasy, Romance, Action
Tone: Reflective, Intense, Emotional

Summary Scott awakens in the Dream Desert after being killed, confronted by Ramona who reveals her obsession with Gideon. As Scott grapples with these revelations, the Pilgrim-Head appears, reliving his painful memories. Ramona fades away, leaving Scott alone to face the consequences of his past actions.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Revelation of important information

Weaknesses

Potential for confusion with the dreamlike setting
Limited action

General Critique

The scene in the Dream Desert serves as a pivotal moment for Scott and Ramona's relationship, but it feels rushed and lacks emotional depth. The dialogue between Scott and Ramona about her obsession with Gideon and the chip implanted in her skull is intriguing but could be explored further to add more complexity to their dynamic.
The transition from Ramona revealing the chip to her fading away feels abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual build-up to create a stronger emotional impact on the audience.
The revelation of Knives' unwavering devotion to Scott is a significant moment that could be emphasized more to highlight the contrast between her genuine feelings and Ramona's conflicted emotions.
The flashback sequence through Scott's past experiences with Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb is a clever way to recap the journey he has been on, but the execution could be smoother to ensure a seamless transition between the present and past events.
The scene could benefit from more visual cues or symbolic elements to enhance the dream-like atmosphere and convey the emotional turmoil Scott is experiencing.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider expanding on Ramona's confession about her obsession with Gideon and the impact it had on her to add depth to her character and the overall narrative.
Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for more emotional resonance and character development, particularly in the moments leading up to Ramona's disappearance.
Explore Knives' devotion to Scott in more detail to highlight the themes of loyalty and unrequited love, adding layers to the relationships in the story.
Refine the transition between the present and flashback sequences to ensure a seamless flow of storytelling and maintain the audience's engagement.
Incorporate more visual symbolism or motifs to enhance the dream-like quality of the scene and convey the internal struggles and revelations experienced by Scott.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

100 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 100

We FAST FORWARD all the way to Wallace’s apartment, as
Scott enters. He flicks the light on.
131.

SCOTT
...AAAAAAAAAHHH! I CAN’T BELIEVE I
HAD TO SEE THAT AGAIN!

SOME GUY (O.S.)
Again?

WALLACE (O.S.)
Turn off the light!

Scott flicks the light off. On PITCH BLACK...

SCOTT (O.S.)
Wallace, when my journey began, I
was living in an ordinary world.
Ramona skated through my dreams and
it was like a call to adventure, a
call I considered refusing. But my
Mentor, that’s you, told me if I
want something bad enough I have to
fight for it. So I did. There were
tests, allies, enemies. I
approached a deep cave and went
through a crazy ordeal, during
which I totally seized the sword.
Sadly, I died. Then I resurrected!
Now I realize what I should have
been fighting for all along. But
before I do that, I need to ask one
final favor of you.

WALLACE (O.S.)
Sure thing, guy.

SCOTT (O.S.)
Could you put a robe on and hand me
the phone?

Wallace flicks on a bedside lamp, hands him the phone.

SCOTT
Toronto. Chaos Theatre. Gideon
Graves.
(beat)
Tell him Scott Pilgrim is calling.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Scott. I was just about to-

SCOTT
132.

Hey, pal. I feel terrible about
everything. I don’t want any hard
feelings, so I figure why not be
the bigger man and give you a call.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Um...

SCOTT
Sorry, what I meant to say is ’I’m
coming over to kill you’.

Scott hangs up and heads for the door, hardcore.

WALLACE
GO KICK THAT GUY’S ASS!

Wallace stands to high five Scott, exposing his junk.

WALLACE
Ah, sorry.

SCOTT
You seen one...

101 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - NIGHT 101

Scott Pilgrim RUNS towards the desolate WAREHOUSES. The
same HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette against the wall.

SCOTT
Your hair looks stupid.

The Hipster Kid EXPLODES into COINS.

102 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 102

Scott approaches the two Hipster Kids guarding the
ELEVATOR.

HIPSTER KID
’Sup?

SCOTT
Whatever.

Scott SPLIT KICKS them in the faces, knocking them out.

Genres: Action, Comedy, Fantasy
Tone: Humorous, Intense, Sarcastic

Summary Scott Pilgrim seeks Wallace's help in his final confrontation with Gideon Graves. Wallace provides Scott with a phone, and Scott calls Graves to declare his intent to kill him. As Scott leaves, he encounters and defeats a hipster kid and a group of hipster kids guarding an elevator, continuing his journey towards the warehouses where Graves awaits.

Strengths

Engaging action sequences
Witty dialogue
Fantastical elements
High emotional impact

Weaknesses

Some elements may be too fantastical for some viewers

General Critique

The scene starts with a sudden shift in location and time, which can be disorienting for the audience. Consider adding a smoother transition to Wallace's apartment to provide context.
The monologue by Scott about his journey and the call to adventure feels out of place and disrupts the flow of the scene. It may be too on-the-nose and could be conveyed more subtly.
The dialogue between Scott and Gideon over the phone lacks tension and intensity, considering the gravity of the situation. It could be more impactful with stronger, more confrontational dialogue.
The interaction between Scott and Wallace, while humorous, detracts from the seriousness of the impending confrontation with Gideon. Consider maintaining a consistent tone throughout the scene.
The sudden shift to Scott running towards the warehouses and his interaction with the Hipster Kid feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous conversation. The transition could be smoother to maintain coherence.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the opening of the scene to provide a clearer transition to Wallace's apartment and set the tone for the upcoming confrontation with Gideon.
Refine Scott's monologue to be more subtle and integrated into the dialogue, avoiding a direct exposition of his journey and growth.
Enhance the dialogue between Scott and Gideon to increase tension and build anticipation for the final showdown at the Chaos Theatre.
Maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene to balance the humor with the seriousness of the situation, ensuring the impact of Scott's decision to confront Gideon is effectively conveyed.
Smooth out the transition between Scott's conversation with Wallace and his run towards the warehouses to improve the coherence and flow of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

103 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 103
133.

DING! Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON’S
UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT: THE CHAOS THEATRE...AGAIN.

COMEAU
Yeah, their first album is so-

Scott KNOCKS DOWN Comeau and looks to Sex Bob-Omb.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott! Let it go.

SCOTT
Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing.
Stephen, the new line-up rocks. You
guys sound better without me. Young
Neil? You have learned well. From
this point forward, you shall be
known as ’Neil’. And Kim?

Kim looks at Scott, deadpan as ever.

SCOTT
Sorry about...everything.

Kim shrugs.

SCOTT
Sorry about me.

Kim SMILES at Scott for the first time ever.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Scott Pilgim!

Scott turns to GIDEON on his throne, Ramona at his side.

GIDEON GRAVES
Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos-

SCOTT
Save it. You’re pretentious, the
club sucks, I have beef, let’s do
it.

Scott goes straight into fight mode.

GIDEON GRAVES
You want to fight me for her?

Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A strange new power overcomes
Scott, different than before.
134.

SCOTT
No...I want to fight you for me.

Scott reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty T-
shirt and pulls a FLAMING RED SWORD from his own chest.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Scott earned the power of self-
respect.

SCOTT
Kim?

KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB, AND WE ARE HERE
TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR
TEETH IN!

Kim drives a hardcore beat. Sex Bob-Omb ROCK THE FUCK OUT.

HIPSTERS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM to the BEAT. Scott swings his
FLAMING RED SWORD, exploding each attacker into COINS.

GIDEON GRAVES
Ramona. My cane.

Ramona hands Gideon his cane. He unsheathes his SWORD.
Scott and Gideon RUN towards each other, LEAPING in the
air. They pass in the air and Scott SLASHES. They land on
opposite sides of the platform, backs to each other.

SCOTT
How’s it going back there?

GIDEON GRAVES
You dick.

Gideon falls down. Dead, apparently. Scott calls out.

SCOTT
Knives! I know you’re in here!
Don’t attack Ra-

Knives SAILS through the air and KICKS Ramona in the head
SUPER HARD. We hear a METALLIC KLONK.

They square off, Ramona staggered, Knives pulling KNIVES.

KNIVES CHAU
Steal my boyfriend, taste my steel.

Scott jumps between them, hands held out.
135.

SCOTT
ENOUGH!

Knives tries to go around him. Scott GRABS her wrists. She
kicks him in the face.

KNIVES CHAU
No, Scott! This fat ass hurt me and
I will have my revenge!

SCOTT
No, Knives. I hurt you. I cheated
on you.

Knives steps back, stunned.

KNIVES CHAU
You cheated on me, Scott?

SCOTT
I cheated on both of you. And I’m
sorry. I was a different guy back
then.

Knives’ frown melts. Scott turns to Ramona.

SCOTT
And...you’re not a fat ass. She
didn’t mean that. So, are we all
good?

Ramona rubs the back of her head. The CHIP no longer
blinks.

RAMONA
Never felt better.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Are we all done with the hugging
and learning? I thought we had a
fight going here.

All turn to see GIDEON; bloodied, but still grinning, a
lopsided slash across his face accentuating his smirk.

SCOTT
Oh, you got a fight alright.

Scott steps into a fighting stance. Knives joins him.

GIDEON GRAVES
Ramona. Are you with me?
136.

Ramona looks to Gideon, then joins Scott and Knives and
STRIKES A FIGHT POSE, the three of them ready to rumble.

GIDEON GRAVES
Wrong move, baby.

Scott ATTACKS with his sword. Gideon BLOCKS, disarms Scott
with one move, spins and BUTTS Scott in the face with the
hilt of the sword. Scott teeters on the edge of the
pyramid.

Knives throws her knives. Gideon’s lightning fast sword
deflects them, SHING SHING!

Gideon wheels towards Ramona, expecting her to move. She
looks doubtful, takes a hesitant step towards him. He
grins.

GIDEON GRAVES
Yeah. You’re still my girl.

Ramona steps up to Gideon and whispers in his ear.

RAMONA
Let’s both be girls.

Ramona knees Gideon in the balls.

Gideon SWINGS his sword at Ramona. Knives whips off her
scarf, uses it to wrap up Gideon’s sword arm and disarms
him. Scott and Knives punch Gideon in the face in a volley
of FREEZE FRAMES.

Knives KICKS Gideon in the stomach and Scott follows with a
PUNCH IN THE NOSE, sending Gideon sliding across the floor.

Gideon gets back to his feet via backflip. He shakes off
the assault and grins.

GIDEON GRAVES
You made me swallow me gum. That’s
going to be in my digestive tract
for seven years!

Gideon throws a series of Wushu moves that give him a POWER
UP - his glasses glow, his HEALTH BAR increases. He makes
an ’X’ with his fingers and a draws a NEW POWER UP SWORD.

He cuts big arcs at Scott, Knives and Ramona. They barely
dodge him. Scott SPIES his sword and picks it up just in
time to BLOCK Gideon’s attack. The swords create an ’X’.

Ramona KICKS. Gideon BLOCKS, knocking her down.
137.

Gideon swings at Scott. Scott ducks. Knives attacks and
scores a hit. Gideon hits her back, dropping her. SCOTT
ATTACKS. They fence. Gideon spins low. Scott leaps in the
air. Gideon spins again and swings upward. Scott blocks
with his sword and is sent UP into the air.

Gideon jumps after him. They CLASH in the air. Scott’s
sword SHATTERS.

Scott lands hard. Gideon lands in front of him and raises
his sword for the kill. Ramona swings Gideon’s VELVET ROPE,
cancelling out Gideon’s digital sword.

Gideon SLAPS Ramona in the face and sends her painfully
tumbling down the pyramid. She lands painfully at the
bottom. Knives and Scott share a look. They Get up and
circle Gideon.

COMBO ATTACK! FREEZE FRAME PUNCHES: Knives kicks and Scott
punches, sending Gideon back and forth like a pinball: KICK
PUNCH KICK PUNCH KICK! Gideon’s face smashes with each
impact.

Ramona rises to see Scott and Knives kicking ass. Scott
slides Knives through Gideon’s legs. From the floor, she
kicks him in the back of the head, then upends him like a
wheelbarrow and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE, sending him
spinning.

Gideon lands HARD on his knees, defeated. One lens of his
glasses cracks. He looks up at the steely eyed Scott.

GIDEON GRAVES
Who do you think you are Pilgrim?
You think you’re better than me?
I’ll tell you what you are. A pain
in my ass. You know how long it
took to get all the evil exes’
contact information so I could form
this stupid league? Like two hours!

Gideon starts to pixellate quite badly. Not long now...

GIDEON GRAVES
You’re not cool enough for Ramona.
You’re zero. You’re nothing. Me?
I’m what’s hip. I’m what’s
happening. I’m blowing up right
now.

SCOTT
138.

You’re right. I’m not cool enough
for Ramona. And you got another
thing right. You are blowing up.
Right now.

Scott spins and BACK HEELS Gideon in the face. Gideon’s
head EXPLODES, his glasses SAILING down the steps of the
pyramid.

Then his body follows suit in an almighty-POOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

SHIMMERING COINS rain down. Scott and Knives kiss.

YOUNG NEIL
Whoa...

KIM PINE
There goes our deal.

STEPHEN STILLS
We’re still getting paid, right?

Kim points to the falling coins.

KIM PINE
There goes our deal.

YOUNG NEIL
Oh...

Stills jumps off stage and picks up coins.

The coin rain continues, silhouetting Scott and Knives in
their kung fu poses. They share a smile.

RAMONA (O.S.)
You two make a good combo.

Ramona, awake now, makes her way towards them.

SCOTT
Yeah?

RAMONA
Yeah.

The trio walk down the pyramid steps. Scott picks up
Gideon’s fallen glasses.

The glasses GLIMMER. GIDEON’S VOICE echoes.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
139.

You can defeat me...but can you
defeat...yourself?

Scott peers into the glimmering lenses, spotting his EVIL
MIRROR IMAGE staring back at him. The glasses dissolve and
Scott whips around to face...

KNIVES CHAU
Negascott!

NEGASCOTT walks towards Scott, Knives and Ramona. Fringed
hair. Dark clothes. Evil face.

Knives and Ramona flank Scott in a fighting stance.

SCOTT
No. This is something I have to
face on my own.

The girls reluctantly exit stage left as Scott walks
forward to confront his dark side.

Scott and Negascott face off. Both take a step forward...

Genres: Action, Comedy, Fantasy
Tone: Humorous, Intense, Surreal, Emotional

Summary Scott, assisted by Ramona and Knives, confronts Gideon in a fierce battle at the Chaos Theatre. Gideon is defeated, but a new challenge emerges as Scott encounters his evil mirror image, Negascott.

Strengths

Engaging action sequences
Emotional character growth
Witty dialogue
Satisfying resolution

Weaknesses

Some elements may be too surreal for some viewers
Complexity of character relationships may be confusing for some audiences

General Critique

The scene is action-packed and intense, but it could benefit from more emotional depth and character development.
The dialogue feels a bit rushed and could be more impactful with some added depth and nuance.
The fight sequences are well-described, but the emotional resolution between the characters could be more fleshed out.
The transition from the intense fight scenes to the confrontation with Negascott feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
There is a lack of closure in some character arcs, such as Gideon's defeat and the aftermath of the battle.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more emotional moments between the characters to deepen their relationships and provide a more satisfying resolution.
Work on pacing to ensure a smooth transition between intense action sequences and quieter character moments.
Provide more insight into the characters' motivations and internal struggles to make the scene more engaging and relatable.
Consider expanding on the aftermath of the battle to show the impact of the events on the characters and their relationships.
Add more depth to the dialogue to enhance the emotional impact of the scene and create a more immersive experience for the audience.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

104 EXT. THE WAREHOUSE - EVENING 104

Knives and Ramona huddle in the snow outside Chaos Theatre.

They look expectantly at the entrance, worried for Scott.

Then...

Scott strolls out with Negascott. They chat amiably, shake
hands and part ways. Scott approaches Knives and Ramona.

KNIVES CHAU
What happened?

SCOTT
Aw, nothing. We just shot the shit.
He’s a super-nice guy. We actually
have a lot in common.

Scott runs his fingers through his hair.

KNIVES CHAU
Your hair.

SCOTT
What?
140.

KNIVES CHAU
It’s getting really shaggy.

Scott’s HAT appears on his head! He looks totally freked.

SCOTT
Yeah?

KNIVES CHAU
I like it.

Knives removes the hat from Scott’s head, literally taking
his guard down. Ramona sees this and smiles.

SCOTT
You do?

Scott smiles, then realizes Ramona has gone. He turns to
see her, pulling her hood up and walking into the darkness.

Scott calls after her. Steps tentatively away from Knives.

SCOTT
Hey... Where are you going?

Ramona, hoping to slip away, stops and turns back.

RAMONA
I dunno. I should probably
disappear.

SCOTT
After all that?

RAMONA
It’s hard, you know? I came here to
get away, but the past keeps
catching up. I’m tired of people
getting hurt because of me.

Ramona looks at Knives as she says this.

SCOTT
I think I understand.

Snow begins to fall. Ramona straightens his parka tenderly.

RAMONA
I should thank you, though.

SCOTT
For what?
141.

RAMONA
For being the nicest guy I ever
dated.

SCOTT
That’s kind of sad.

RAMONA
(laughing)
It is kind of sad.

She takes his hand briefly, then lets it drop.

RAMONA
Well... Bye and stuff.

SCOTT
Yeah. And stuff.

She turns to walk off again. Scott watches, then hears-

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Go get her.

Surprised, Scott turns back to see a smiling Knives.

SCOTT
Wha?

KNIVES CHAU
You earned it. You’ve been fighting
for her all along.

SCOTT
But what about you?

KNIVES CHAU
(totally sweet and sad)
I’ll be fine. I’m too cool for you
anyway.

She grins and kisses his cheek.

KNIVES CHAU
There’s someone out there for me.

We hear a COUGH - Young Neil sidles into frame behind her.

Guitar still in hand.

We hear a 2ND COUGH - Nega Scott also sidles into frame.
142.

Knives doesn’t look back, but urges Scott to-

KNIVES CHAU
Go talk to her. Before she’s gone.

Ramona walks on into the night alone, but then-

SCOTT (O.S.)
Hey... mind if I tag along?

Ramona is flabbergasted to see a cheery Scott walk
alongside.

RAMONA
You want to come with me?

SCOTT
(hopeful)
I thought maybe we could... try
again?

Ramona smiles. She holds out her hand like in the park
scene earlier. Scott takes it.

We see the door with the star on it, standing right in the
middle of the street, snow swirling around it.

Scott and Ramona walk towards the door, sunrise coming up
over Toronto, night magically turning to day, winter
turning to spring.

Over this magical transformation, we hear a lush rendition
of ’˜Ramona’ swelling and hear whispers of gossip over
Toronto’s cell phone airwaves.

JULIE (V.O.)
Oh my God, can I blow your mind?
Scott Pilgrim totally threw down
with Gideon Graves at the grand
opening of Chaos Theater. Yeah, it
was apparently awesome.

STACEY (V.O.)
Oh my God, it was a HUGE fight. I
mean bananas. My little brother
kicked a guy’s head off. Literally.
It was unbelievable. Someone
seriously should have been filming
it.

Scott and Ramona walk through the door. Tilt up to the
heavens and reveal the CONTINUE graphic in the stars.
143.

CONTINUE? 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...

Genres: Action, Romance, Fantasy
Tone: Magical, Reflective, Bittersweet, Hopeful

Summary Scott emerges from facing Negascott and assures Knives and Ramona that the confrontation was friendly. Despite Knives' affection for Scott, she encourages him to pursue Ramona. Ramona expresses her desire to disappear but Scott convinces her to stay. He asks her out again, and she agrees. Together, they walk through a door symbolizing a new chapter.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Magical elements
Closure

Weaknesses

Potential lack of clarity on Negascott's role
Limited external conflict

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear resolution to the conflict between Scott and Gideon, as it abruptly transitions to Scott chatting amiably with Negascott without showing the outcome of their confrontation.
The dialogue between Scott, Knives, and Ramona feels rushed and lacks depth, especially considering the emotional weight of the situation.
The transition from Ramona disappearing into the darkness to Scott calling after her feels disjointed and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
The emotional impact of Ramona wanting to disappear to avoid causing harm is not fully explored or given enough emphasis in the scene.
The interaction between Scott, Ramona, and Knives lacks a sense of closure and resolution, leaving the audience wanting more clarity on their relationships.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding a more definitive resolution to the conflict between Scott and Gideon to provide closure to that storyline.
Expand on the dialogue between Scott, Knives, and Ramona to delve deeper into their emotions and relationships.
Smooth out the transition from Ramona disappearing to Scott calling after her to improve the continuity of the scene.
Enhance the emotional impact of Ramona wanting to disappear by giving it more emphasis and exploring the implications of her decision.
Provide a clearer sense of closure and resolution in the interactions between Scott, Ramona, and Knives to satisfy the audience's expectations.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert