Read Scott pilgrim vs. the world with its analysis


See Full Analysis here

Scene 1 -  Scott's Little Secret
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
1.




1 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 1

Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear:

KIM PINE (V.O.)
Scott Pilgrim is dating a high
schooler?


2 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY 2

Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table.

STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.

STEPHEN STILLS
Really? Is she hot?

KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper.

KIM PINE
How old are you now, Scott? Like
twenty-eight?

SCOTT
I’m not playing your little games.

KIM PINE
So you’ve been out of high school
for like, 13 years and-

SCOTT (O.S.)
I’m twenty-two. Twenty-two!

STEPHEN STILLS
And you’re dating a high school
girl? Not bad, not bad.

YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts.

YOUNG NEIL
Like, did you guys ’do it’ yet?

SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an
unruly yet adorable mop of hair.

SCOTT
2.


We have done many things. We ride
the bus. We have meaningful
conversations about how yearbook
club went and about her friends
and, um...you know...drama.

STEPHEN STILLS
Yeah, okay, have you even kissed
her?

SCOTT
We almost held hands once, but then
she got embarrassed.

KIM PINE
Well. Aren’t you pleased as punch?

STEPHEN STILLS
So, what’s her name?

SCOTT
(pleased as punch)
Knives Chau. She’s Chinese.

STEPHEN STILLS
(under his breath)
Chinese...

Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.

YOUNG NEIL
Wicked! How’d you meet her?

SCOTT
I believe I mentioned the bus?

Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story:


3 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 3

KNIVES CHAU, 17, cute and innocent with clothes to match,
sits next to her mother, MOTHER CHAU, 45, demanding.

MOTHER CHAU
You are seventeen year old! Time to
get interested in boy!

KNIVES CHAU
Mom!

Knives DROPS her bag, books scattering everywhere.
3.


MOTHER CHAU
You drop book.

Knives crouches down to pick up her books, grumbling.

SCOTT (O.S.)
Hey...

Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM
holding her books. TEXT appears in an on-screen box:

"SCOTT PILGRIM, 22 YEARS OLD, RATING: AWESOME."

Stars appear in Knives’s eyes. Scott grins heroically.
Scott winks at Knives. Scott winks at the camera.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott Pilgrim tells his friends about his secret relationship with Knives Chau, a high schooler.
Strengths "The scene establishes the tone and genre of the story clearly. The dialogue is witty and entertaining, and the characters are likable and funny."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't have any significant plot developments, and the conflict level and stakes are low."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with clear character voices and a strong sense of humor. The dialogue is snappy and engaging, and it effectively introduces the main characters and their personalities.

One potential area for improvement is in the pacing and structure of the scene. It feels a bit disjointed to have a juxtaposition between the conversation in the kitchen and the flashback on the bus. It could be more effective to focus solely on the conversation in the kitchen and reveal the details of how Scott met Knives through dialogue rather than a flashback.

Additionally, the use of on-screen text and stars could be seen as a bit gimmicky and distracting, and it doesn't quite match the tone of the rest of the scene. It might be more effective to convey Scott's charismatic nature through his actions and dialogue rather than relying on text and graphics.

Overall, this is a strong scene with clear character voices and humor, but it could benefit from some structural changes.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual description: The scene lacks visual descriptions and relies heavily on dialogue. Add descriptions that paint a clearer picture of the setting and the characters.

2. Shorten the dialogue: Some of the dialogue is repetitive and could be condensed to make the scene flow smoother.

3. Focus on character development: Use the scene to introduce the characters and establish their personalities. This will make the audience invested in them and their story.

4. Use the scene to set up future conflict: Introduce conflicts or plot points that set the stage for future scenes. This will keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.

5. Add more action: The scene is largely stationary and could benefit from more action or movement. Consider adding physical movements or gestures to the characters to help illustrate their personalities.



Scene 2 -  Introducing Knives Chau
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
4 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY 4

Back in the kitchen, everyone looks at Scott...

KIM PINE
Is that seriously the end of the
story?

SCOTT
Yes. It is.

Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS.

STEPHEN STILLS
So when do we get to meet her?

KIM PINE
Oh please. Let it be soon.

DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. Scott smiles broadly.

SCOTT
That’s for me.


5 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 5

An eager Knives stands outside. Scott opens the door a
crack.

SCOTT
You promise to be good?

KNIVES CHAU
Of course I’ll be good!
4.


SCOTT
No, really. Please be good.

KNIVES CHAU
Am I normally not?

Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through.

SCOTT
Oh, hey. Knives, this is Stephen
Stills. He’s the talent.

STEPHEN STILLS
Hey.

STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives.

STEPHEN STILLS
Is she gonna geek out on us?

SCOTT
She’ll just sit in the corner, man.

STEPHEN STILLS
I mean, I want her to geek out on
us.

SCOTT
She’ll geek. She geeks. She has the
capacity to geek.

Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.

STEPHEN STILLS
You’re good.


6 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 6

Knives enters, looking around the rehearsal pad with awe:
Bare bulb, ratty rug, drums, guitar, bass, LAME BRAND amps.

KNIVES CHAU
Wow.

SCOTT
Knives, that’s Kim. Lemme get your
coat.

Scott throws Knives’ coat on the floor. Knives waves.

KNIVES CHAU
5.


Hi, sorry, what was your name?

KIM PINE (O.S.)
Kim.

KNIVES CHAU
You play the drums?

REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset, sticks in her hands.

KIM PINE
...yes.

KNIVES CHAU
That is so awesome.

SCOTT
Knives, that’s Young Neil.

KNIVES CHAU
Hi. What do you play?

YOUNG NEIL
Uh, wow...Zelda...Tetris...that’s
kind of a big question.

Knives stares blankly at Young Neil, who finally gets it.

YOUNG NEIL
Oh. I’m not in the band. I just
live here.

Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. Amps hum to life.

SCOTT
Let’s start with Launchpad McQuack.

STEPHEN STILLS
That’s not the actual title of the-

KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4!

Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK!

GUITAR AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR, SPELLING OUT OUR
TITLE...

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
6.


TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space
seems to GROW with the music. Stephen Stills barks
unintelligible lyrics.

Knives watches, jaw ajar. The song ends, feedback
lingering.

KNIVES CHAU
You guys...are so...amazing.


7 EXT. BUS STOP - EVENING 7

Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.

KNIVES CHAU
I can’t even...Sex Bob-Omb.
Amazing.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Music"]

Summary Scott introduces his friends to his new girlfriend, Knives Chau, and they have a band rehearsal.
Strengths "The scene introduces Knives Chau and the band, has witty dialogue, and a light-hearted tone."
Weaknesses "The premise of a 22-year-old dating a high schooler may be unsettling to some viewers, and the scene doesn't have a lot of conflict or emotional impact."
Critique The scene is well-written and effective in setting up the introduction of Knives to the band. The dialogue is snappy and humorous, and the character interactions are entertaining. The use of music and sound in the scene also adds to the overall tone and energy. However, it would benefit from more description of the characters’ actions and reactions to enhance the visual aspect of the scene. Additionally, it might be helpful to include more information about the characters’ motivations and subtext to deepen their relationships and add emotional complexity to the scene.
Suggestions One major suggestion for this scene would be to add more conflict or tension. Right now, everything seems to be going smoothly and everyone is getting along. There could be a disagreement or a sudden obstacle that upsets the group dynamic and puts pressure on the characters. This would make the scene more engaging for the audience and add depth to the characters. Another suggestion could be to add more character development for Knives. She seems impressed by the band, but we don't really know much about her beyond that. Maybe she could have a secret agenda or backstory that is slowly revealed throughout the scene. Additionally, adding some visual descriptions and blocking to the action would help to bring the scene to life and make it more impactful.



Scene 3 -  Band Rehearsal with Knives Chau
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
8 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ ROOM - EVENING 8

The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills’ room.

STEPHEN STILLS
She seems nice.

SCOTT
Yeaaah.

YOUNG NEIL
She seems awesome.

SCOTT
Yeaaah.

KIM PINE
Scott, if your life had a face I
would punch it.

SCOTT
Yeaaah...wait, what?

KIM PINE
I mean, are you really happy or are
you really evil?

SCOTT
Like, do I have ulterior motives or
something? I’m offended, Kim.

STEPHEN STILLS
Wounded even?
7.


SCOTT
Hurt, Kim.

KIM PINE
You? Hurt?

Scott takes a breath, turns to Young Neil.

SCOTT
Neil, you were saying she seems
awesome.

YOUNG NEIL
Yeah, she seems awesome.

SCOTT
Yeaaaah...
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy"]

Summary Scott's friends find out about his relationship with Knives Chau during a band rehearsal and question his happiness and motives.
Strengths "Provides insight on Scott's relationships and how they're perceived by his friends. Includes playful dialogue that highlights each character's personality."
Weaknesses "Does not significantly advance the plot or characters, and the conflict is minimal."
Critique The scene seems to have good pacing and dialogue, with each character having their own distinct voice. However, it lacks a clear objective or conflict, making it seem somewhat aimless. It also doesn't contribute much to the overall plot or character development. To improve this scene, it could benefit from incorporating a clear goal or tension between the characters to make it more engaging for the audience.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well written and captures the tone and humor of the film. However, here are some suggestions to make it even better:

1. Add more character development: While the banter between the characters is entertaining, it would be even better if we learned more about their personalities and motivations. Consider adding some dialogue or actions that reveal new information about the characters, such as Stephen Stills' insecurities about his music or Kim Pine's past experiences with Scott.

2. Add more visual description: To help bring the scene to life, consider adding more visual description of the characters and their surroundings. This could include details about the room they are in, the clothes they are wearing, and any other physical cues that help us understand their emotions and reactions.

3. Add a twist or tension: While the scene is funny, it could benefit from some additional tension or surprise. Consider adding a twist or unexpected turn that adds stakes or conflict to the conversation. For example, maybe one of the characters reveals a secret that creates tension in the group.

4. Consider pacing: While the rhythm of the scene is good, consider tweaking the pacing to add more variety. This could include adding a quicker exchange of dialogue at one point, or adding a pause or beat to allow a joke to land. Experiment with different pacing options to find the one that works best for the scene.



Scene 4 -  Scott's confession to Wallace
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 10
9 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - EVENING 9

Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny, one room apartment. He
turns to WALLACE WELLS, dark hair, arched eyebrow,
disloyal.

"WALLACE WELLS, ROOMMATE, 24 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: HE IS
GAY!"

SCOTT
Before you hear some dirty lies
from someone else, yes, I’m dating
a 17 year old.

Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he’s reading.

WALLACE
Is he cute?

SCOTT
Ha, ha, ha, ha.

WALLACE
Does this mean we have to stop
sleeping together?

SCOTT
Do you see another bed in here?

TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in
the one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace, FUTON included.

WALLACE
8.


Yeah. You’re totally my bitch
forever.

SCOTT
So. The whole seventeen year old
thing. Don’t tell too many people.

WALLACE
Hey, you know me.

SCOTT
I mean. Don’t tell my sister.

WALLACE
You know me.

Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside, starts texting.

SCOTT
Who are you texting?

RINGY RING. The phone goes. Scott picks up.

STACEY (O.S.)
Seventeen years old? Scandal!

Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM, cute, peppy barista, gabbing
on her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. A sign behind her reads
’If you are using your cellphone, you will not be served’.

"STACEY PILGRIM, YOUNGER SISTER, 19, RATING: ’T’ FOR TEEN."

SCOTT
That’s not true. Who told you?

STACEY
Wallace. Duh.

SCOTT
That gossipy bitch.

WALLACE (O.S.)
You know me.

Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless.

SCOTT
Wallace!

Wallace clicks off. Scott sinks into an armchair.

STACEY
9.


Who is this mysterious child you
date?

SCOTT
Her name is Knives. Knives Chau.

STACEY
A seventeen year old Chinese
schoolgirl? You’re ridiculous.

SCOTT
It’s a Catholic school too.

STACEY
With the uniform and everything?

SCOTT
Yeah, the whole deal.

STACEY
Oh my God, you haven’t-

SCOTT
No no no. We haven’t even held
hands. I think she hugged me once.

STACEY
Um, Scott. Why are you doing this?

SCOTT
I don’t know...it’s just nice, you
know? It’s just...simple.

STACEY
It’s been over a year since you got
dumped by she-who-will-not-be-
named.

Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine,
looking into the HOT GIRL’S EYES on the back cover album
ad.

STACEY
So, are you legitimately moving on,
or is this just you being insane?

Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles
next to a hot redhead in happier times.

SCOTT
Can I get back to you on that?

A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly...
10.
Genres: ["comedy","drama"]

Summary Scott admits to Wallace that he's dating a 17-year-old and is met with questions about his motives and their sleeping arrangement. Stacey calls and teases Scott about the scandalous news.
Strengths "Witty and humorous dialogue between characters. Establishes relationships between characters and sets up potential conflicts."
Weaknesses "Dialogue-heavy scene without much action or significant plot development."
Critique Overall, this scene does a great job of establishing the relationship between Scott and Wallace and setting up Scott’s love interest with Knives. The dialogue is witty and conversational, giving the scene a realistic feel. The use of on-screen text to indicate ownership of the items in the room adds an extra layer of humor to the scene. However, the scene may benefit from more visual cues to break up the dialogue and add movement to the scene. Additionally, some of the dialogue, particularly between Scott and Stacey, feels a bit on-the-nose in terms of explaining Scott’s motivation for dating a younger girl. Adding some subtext to their conversation could make it feel less exposition-heavy. Overall, though, this is a well-written and entertaining scene.
Suggestions Firstly, I would suggest trimming down some of the dialogue to make it more concise and to the point. This will help the scene move at a faster pace and keep the audience engaged.

Secondly, adding some physical action or movements would add more visual interest to the scene. For example, Scott could be unpacking something while he speaks to Wallace, or Wallace could be doing something else while he reads his magazine.

Lastly, incorporating some subtext or underlying emotions could add depth to the scene. For instance, Scott could be using his relationship with Knives as a way to avoid dealing with his past heartbreak, and this could be hinted at through his dialogue or actions. Overall, finding ways to add more layers to the scene will make it more compelling for audiences to watch.



Scene 5 -  A Day Out with Knives Chau
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
10 EXT. CATHOLIC SCHOOL - DAY 10

Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.

Uniformed boys and girls pour out.

WALLACE
I do not want to be here. At all.

SCOTT
This school has boys too.

WALLACE
I hate you. Even I would think
twice about dating a seventeen year
old.

SCOTT
Well, she’s only allowed out when
the sun is up, so I wouldn’t call
it dating, more like...

WALLACE
Playtime?

SCOTT
That doesn’t sound so good either.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Scott! Heyyyy!

Knives skips to Scott. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers
behind.

SCOTT
Hey Knives, this is my cool gay
roommate, Wallace Wells. He’s gay.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, hi! Do you want to know who in
my class is gay?

WALLACE
Yes. Does he wear glasses?

SCOTT
Wallace, you go now! Begone!

Wallace pulls Knives close. Whispers.

WALLACE
You’re too good for him. Run.
11.


11 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 11

Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a
martial arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION).

They punch and kick in unison, side by side.

SCOTT
Did you know the original name of
Pac-man was Puck-man? You would
think it’s because Pac-Man looks
like a yellow hockey puck, but
actually it comes from the Japanese
phrase paku-paku which means to
flap ones mouth open and closed.
They changed it over here because
Puck-Man is too easy to vandalize.
You know, scratch out the P and
turn it into an F or whatever?

Knives flips over Scott’s back in a COMBO move.

KNIVES CHAU
Ohmigod, like...wow.

SCOTT
Yeah. Wow.

The game ends. CONTINUE appears, counting down:
10...9...8... Scott looks at Knives. She digs for quarters.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, I got it!


12 EXT. "PIZZA PIZZA" - DAY 12

Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint, slices in hand.

KNIVES CHAU
Tamara is into this Korean guy,
Bobby, but everyone thinks Bobby
has a crush on Mina.

SCOTT
I thought Derek and Tamara had a
mutual like-each-other thing going,
what happened?


13 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 13

Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. Hangers click in time.
12.


KNIVES CHAU
I don’t listen to much music. I
know a lot of kids who play piano
or whatever, but you guys ROCK.

SCOTT
I knew I personally rocked, but I
never suspected that we rocked as a
unit. Thank you, Knives.


14 INT. SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) - DAY 14

Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync.

KNIVES CHAU
I mean, you guys are gonna be HUGE.

SCOTT
Well, we’re already pretty big. But
it might be cool if cool people
wore our T-shirt.

Knives speaks to a female clerk, surly with tats and specs:
"JULIE, 22, STILLS’ GIRLFRIEND, RATING: WHAT IS HER
PROBLEM?"

KNIVES CHAU
Excuse me, do you have anything by
’The Clash At Demonhead’?

JULIE
Have you tried the section marked
’The Clash At Demonhead’?

SCOTT
Thank you, Julie.

JULIE
Are you coming to my party Friday
or will you be busy babysitting?

SCOTT
Thank you, Julie.
(to Knives)
You don’t want to listen to her.
And you definitely don’t want to
listen to them.

Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, I heart them so much.
13.


SCOTT
I hearted them too until they
signed to a major label and the

SCOTT
singer turned into a total bitch
and ruined my life. But that’s just
me.

KNIVES CHAU
(oblivious)
Envy Adams is sooo cool. Do you
read her blog?

SCOTT
Sorry, you were saying about me?
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott and Knives spend a day together and bond over music.
Strengths "The banter between Scott and Knives is light and humorous, and their shared passion for music is endearing."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't introduce any major plot developments or conflict, and the focus is solely on Scott and Knives' day out."
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be setting up the relationship between Scott and Knives, giving some insight into their personalities and interests. However, there are some issues with the dialogue that could be improved upon to make the scene feel more natural and realistic.

Firstly, some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and overly expository, like when Scott explains the history of Pac-Man. While it's good to provide information to the audience, it should also feel like a natural conversation between the characters.

Secondly, some of the jokes and insults, such as Wallace's comment about dating a 17-year-old, may come across as insensitive to some viewers. It's important to be mindful of how jokes could be perceived by different audiences.

Lastly, the scene could benefit from more visual description and action to break up the dialogue and make it more engaging to watch. For example, instead of simply describing Scott and Knives playing a game, we could see them actually playing and reacting to each other's moves.

Overall, while the scene has potential, there is room for improvement in the dialogue and visual storytelling.
Suggestions Overall, this scene establishes the dynamic between Scott, Wallace, and Knives, as well as Scott's love for music. However, here are some suggestions to make it stronger:

- Make Wallace's comment about the gay student wearing glasses more specific or relevant to the plot. As it stands now, it feels like a throwaway joke that doesn't add much.
- Consider adding more obstacles or conflict to the scene, such as Scott and Knives getting into an argument or encountering some opposition from other characters. This would raise the stakes and make the scene more engaging.
- Add more sensory details to bring the setting to life. Instead of just describing the locations as "Catholic school," "arcade," "pizza place," etc., include specifics like sights, smells, and sounds to make them more memorable.
- Introducing Envy Adams as a character at the end of the scene feels like a bit of an info-dump. Consider foreshadowing her presence earlier in the scene so the audience is more prepared for her appearance. For example, maybe Scott mentions her blog or a poster advertising her band is visible in the background.



Scene 6 -  Dream Sequence and Morning After
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
15 EXT. SNOWY TORONTO STREET - DAY 15

Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk.

KNIVES CHAU
I mean, I’ve...I’ve never gone out
with someone so talented.

SCOTT
You go out with a lot of guys?

KNIVES CHAU
...no.

SCOTT
Yeah, so whatever, man!

KNIVES CHAU
I’ve never even kissed a guy.

Knives blushes and looks at the ground. Scott hugs her.

SCOTT
Me neither.


16 EXT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - DAY 16

Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace’s
apartment.

KNIVES CHAU
So this is your secret lair? Can I
come in?
14.


SCOTT
My secret lair is one of those ’no
girls allowed’ deals.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, okay.

SCOTT
But do you want to see the house
where I grew up?

KNIVES CHAU
Sure.

They literally walk across the street to a small house.

SCOTT
Here you go.

KNIVES CHAU
Wow.

SCOTT
Yeah. Wow.

Wind blows. The light snowfall turns into sand...


17 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - HOTTEST DAY 17

...Scott wanders alone through a barren land. He falls to
his knees next to a lonely cactus.

SCOTT
Oh God...so...so alone.

A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands.

She wears fishnets, an army jacket, skirt and goggles. Her
pink hair is funky but cool. She is hotter than the desert
sun.

MYSTERIOUS GIRL
You’re not alone. You’re just
having some idiotic dream.

SCOTT
Does that mean we can make out? But
she’s gone...

INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - ?
15.


...SCOTT WAKES UP, sitting up in the FUTON.

SCOTT
Oh God...

Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott, rubbing his eyes.

WALLACE
What is it, Scott?

SCOTT
I had this totally weird dream.

OTHER VOICE
Oh God.

WALLACE
What is it, Scott?

A scruffy, goateed guy wakes right between Scott and
Wallace:

"OTHER SCOTT, 22, WALLACE’S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY
CURIOUS"

OTHER SCOTT
Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me
not interested.

SCOTT
But there was this girl...

WALLACE
Girl?

OTHER SCOTT
Was this an Envy related dream?

WALLACE
We don’t use the E-word in this
house.

SCOTT
No, it wasn’t her. It was somebody
new...

OTHER SCOTT
Yay for that.

Other Scott goes back to sleep. Wallace rubs his eyes.

WALLACE
16.


Speaking of new, weren’t you
supposed to take your fake high
school girlfriend to the library a
half-hour ago?

SCOTT
What? It’s like, six in the
morning.

Scott opens the bathroom door. Sunlight ignites the room.

SCOTT
Arrrrgh!
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Scott and Knives spend time together, and Scott takes her to the house where he grew up. Scott then has a dream sequence in the desert where he meets a mysterious girl. Scott wakes up in Wallace's apartment and is teased about his relationship with Knives Chau.
Strengths "The dream sequence adds an element of whimsy to the story. The dialogue is witty and on point."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't move the plot forward significantly. The conflict is relatively low."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene by saying that it feels fragmented and disconnected. There are three different locations and shifts in tone that don't flow seamlessly. The dialogue also feels unnatural and forced. The interactions between the characters don't feel authentic or realistic. The dream sequence also feels out of place and doesn't add much to the story. Overall, the scene lacks cohesion and needs to be streamlined for better storytelling.
Suggestions Overall, the scene does a great job of establishing the relationship between Scott and Knives. However, there are a few things that could be improved:

1. Improve the pacing: The scene feels a bit slow and could benefit from some tightening up of the dialogue and action. Consider cutting down some of the unnecessary dialogue and adding more action to keep the scene moving.

2. Add more conflict: The scene lacks conflict, which can make it feel somewhat flat. Consider adding tension or obstacles for the characters to overcome to make the scene more interesting.

3. Increase the visual interest: The scene mostly consists of characters walking down a snowy street. Consider adding more visual interest with camera angles, unique locations, or interesting costumes or props for the characters.

4. Develop characters further: While the scene establishes the basic dynamics between Scott and Knives, there is room for further character development. Consider adding more backstory or depth to the characters to make them more interesting and fully fleshed out.



Scene 7 -  Library and Party
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
18 INT. THE LIBRARY - DAY 18

KNIVES CHAU
What’s wrong?

Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the
library. He carries a stack of books for Knives.

SCOTT
Libraries remind me of grade
school.

KNIVES CHAU
That must seem like a reeeeally
long time ago.

SCOTT
Uh. Let’s talk about something
else.

The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott’s attention. He
freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM
skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.

KNIVES CHAU
Do you know that girl?

The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON.CA to
the librarian. Scott’s gaze follows the GIRL as she blades
out of the library. Pensive guitar underscores his
thoughts.

KNIVES CHAU
Scott?

Scott continues to stare at the girl. Time slows to a
crawl.
17.


STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
SCOTT!


19 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 19

Scott stands in the rehearsal room, head still in the
clouds.

STEPHEN STILLS
You only played one note for that
entire song.

SCOTT
It was...uh...my hand slipped.

KIM PINE
Is your girlfriend distracting you?

SCOTT
My girlfriend?

A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch.

KNIVES CHAU
I’ll... I’ll be quieter.

STEPHEN STILLS
Let’s do that one again.

SCOTT
Sorry, what are we doing?


20 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT 20

STEPHEN STILLS
I told you like fifty times!

Scott, Kim Pine, Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an
icy Toronto street. Scott’s head is still in the clouds.

KIM PINE
We’re going to this party, retard.

SCOTT
Party?

YOUNG NEIL
At Julie’s.

SCOTT
18.


Ugh. I thought you guys split.

STEPHEN STILLS
We did. But, you know, there may be
some label guys there, so...

SCOTT
Aw, man. This is going to suck.

KIM PINE
At least it will give us something
to complain about.

SCOTT
Awww maaan...


21 INT. JULIE’S HOUSE - NIGHT 21

A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded
house party. Both have red plastic cups in hand.

SCOTT
...this sucks.

YOUNG NEIL
Sucks.

SCOTT
I’m going to go pee due to boredom.

Scott exits frame.

YOUNG NEIL
I have to pee.

Neil sips his drink.

Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek:
’COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)’

SCOTT
Hey Comeau.

COMEAU
Hey Scott. Some party huh? You
gettin’ your drink on?

SCOTT
This is Coke Zero. I don’t drink.

COMEAU
19.


You don’t drink? I remember you
getting ridiculously drunk off two
G&T’s one time and-

SCOTT
(quickly)
Comeau, you know everyone, right?

COMEAU
Pretty much.

SCOTT
Do you know this one girl with hair
like this?

Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona.

COMEAU
Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone
said she was coming tonight
actually.

SCOTT
WHAT?

COMEAU
You got the hots for her? I hear
she’s hardcore...

Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud...
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott and Knives go to the library, where Scott sees a girl from his dream. He's distracted during a band rehearsal, where his friends tease him about his girlfriend. They later go to a party and run into a hipster friend who tells Scott that Ramona, the girl from his dream, will be at the party.
Strengths "The scene establishes Scott's attraction to Ramona Flowers and introduces conflict with Knives. It also sets up the plotline for the upcoming party scene."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant conflict and emotional impact."
Critique
Suggestions 1. Consider adding more action to the scene to create a sense of urgency or anticipation. Right now, the characters are simply talking and observing without much purpose.

2. Add more descriptive language to enhance the setting and characters. For example, give more details about the library and the rollerblading girl.

3. Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic. Some of the lines, particularly the exchange between Scott and Knives, feel forced and unnatural.

4. Consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene to make it more engaging and dynamic.

5. Use camera angles and blocking to create visual interest and variety in the scene. Right now, the characters are mostly static and not doing much physically.



Scene 8 -  Scott Learns about Ramona
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
22 INT. JULIE’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 22

Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his
plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA!

Aloof. Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to
her.

SCOTT
Hey, what’s up?

RAMONA
Nothing.

SCOTT
Hey, you know Pacman?

RAMONA
I know of him.

Scott begins to babble.
20.


SCOTT
Well you know Pac-Man was
originally Puckman but not because
Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck
and paku-paku-paku means flapping
your mouth and they changed it
because if you scratch out the "P"
and turn it into an "F"? You know?
Like...

RAMONA
Yeah that’s amazing.

SCOTT
Um...am I dreaming?

Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away.

SCOTT
I’ll leave you alone forever now.


23 "THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..." 23

Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks
around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude.
Ramona leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil.

SCOTT
DUDE!

YOUNG NEIL
WHA?

SCOTT
SHE’S TOTALLY REAL!

YOUNG NEIL
WHO?

SCOTT
RAMONA FLOWERS!

YOUNG NEIL
WHUH?

JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau.

SCOTT
DUDE. What do you know about Ramona
Flowers?!

COMEAU
21.


All I know is she’s American.

SCOTT
(exotically)
American...

COMEAU
But you should talk to Sandra and
Monique-

"SANDRA AND MONIQUE, 24, TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS"

SCOTT
LADYDUDES! What do you know about
Ramona Flowers?

MONIQUE
I think she has a boyfriend.

SANDRA
Some guy back in New York.

MONIQUE
Doesn’t she have the most
ridiculous name?

SANDRA
I know. It’s so ’Ramona Quimby,
Aged 8’ and yet...Flowers.

The girls laugh. Scott does not.

SCOTT
Yeah. What else?

JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone
about Ramona:

PARTYGOER #1
I heard she kicks all kind of ass.

PARTYGOER #2
She’s on another level.

PARTYGOER #3
She’s got men dying at her feet.

PARTYGOER #4
She’s got some battle scars.

PARTYGOER #5
Not to be entered into lightly.
22.


We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in
front of Scott, arms crossed. Stephen Stills is with her.

JULIE
What about Ramona Flowers?

SCOTT
You know her? Tell me. Now.

JULIE
She just moved here. Got a job with
Amazon. Comes into my work.

SCOTT
Does she really?

STEPHEN STILLS
Didn’t you say she just broke up
with someone, Jools?

SCOTT
Did she reeally?

STEPHEN STILLS
That they had a huge fight or
whatever?

SCOTT
Did they reeeally?

JULIE
...yes. But I didn’t want Scott to
know that, Stephen.

SCOTT
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-

JULIE
Scott, I forbid you from hitting on
Ramona. Even if you haven’t had a
real girlfriend in over a year-

STEPHEN STILLS
Hey whoa, whoa. Scott’s mourning
period is officially over. He’s
totally dating a high schooler.

JULIE
Dating a high schooler is the
mourning period.

STEPHEN STILLS
23.


She’s got a point.

SCOTT
I thought you guys broke up.

JULIE
I don’t want you scaring off the
coolest girl at my party Scott. We
all know you’re a total lady killer
wannabe jerky jerk.

SCOTT
That’s garbage! Completely untrue.

JULIE
That time with Lisa-

SCOTT
Misunderstanding.

JULIE
That time with Hollie-

SCOTT
Not what it looked like!

JULIE
That time you dumped Kim for-

SCOTT
Hey, me and Kim are all good now.

SCOTT looks to KIM. We hear the sound of arctic winds.

JULIE
Whatever, Ramona is out of your
league, let’s leave it at that. And
anyway, I’m not even sure she
really did have a big breakup. She
keeps mentioning some guy named
Gideon.

SCOTT
(not listening)
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-

JULIE
Forget it Scott!!!
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott hears about a girl named Ramona from various people and becomes obsessed with finding her at a party.
Strengths "The scene sets up Scott's obsession with Ramona, which becomes a driving force of the film. It is also filled with humorous dialogue and moments."
Weaknesses "The scene is mostly exposition and not much actually happens plot-wise."
Critique The scene does a good job of establishing the character of Ramona and how she is seen by the other characters. The dialogue is snappy and moves the plot forward, but there are moments where the pacing could be improved. The series of quick cuts to different partygoers giving their opinions on Ramona feels rushed and could benefit from a slower build-up. Additionally, the scene relies quite heavily on exposition to establish Ramona's character, which could be balanced out with more visual storytelling. Overall, the scene is effective in introducing Ramona as a character and creating intrigue around her.
Suggestions My first suggestion would be to tighten up the dialogue. There is a lot of back and forth without much progression in the scene. Also, the dialogue feels a bit repetitive and could benefit from some more variety in language and tone. Additionally, the jumping between different partygoers and their opinions on Ramona could be streamlined to make the scene more focused and less scattered.

Another suggestion would be to emphasize the visual aspect of the scene. As it stands, there is very little description of the actions and movements of the characters, which could add depth and interest to the scene. For instance, showing Scott's body language and movements as he approaches Ramona could convey his nervousness and attraction more effectively than just his dialogue.

Lastly, while the dialogue and action in the scene are important, it could also benefit from more attention to the themes and character development at play. What does the scene reveal about Scott and his motivations? How does it set up conflicts or plot points that will come later in the story? By honing in on these questions, the scene can become not just functional but also meaningful and impactful.



Scene 9 -  Scott Tells Wallace About His Dream Girl and Receives an Important Email
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
24 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 24
24.


Scott lies on the futon, WIDE awake. Wallace storms in.

WALLACE
Guess who’s druuunk?

SCOTT
I guess Wallace.

WALLACE
You guess right.

Wallace flops onto the futon, landing next to Scott.

SCOTT
So, that girl. From my dream.

WALLACE
Girl. Okay...

SCOTT
I saw her at the library...

WALLACE
Library...can I pretend we’re
talking about a guy?

SCOTT
So then I’m at this party, and hey!
There she is.

WALLACE
There he is.

SCOTT
I think she’s...

WALLACE
You think he’s...

SCOTT
I think she’s the girl of my
dreams.

WALLACE
Mmm. Then you should break up with
your fake high school girlfriend.

SCOTT
I’ve never been so sure about
something.

WALLACE
25.


Then you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.

SCOTT
What’s that?

WALLACE
Break...up...fake...high
school...girlfriend...

SCOTT
I’m not getting it, friend.

Wallace drifts off. RINGY RING! Scott answers. INTERCUT
with STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.

STACEY
You’re thinking of juggling two
chicks!?

SCOTT
Not even!

STACEY
Well, you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.

SCOTT
Wait. Who told you?

STACEY
Duh. Wallace.

SCOTT
He’s not even conscious!

STACEY
Whatever. You of all people should
know how sucky it is to get cheated
on.

SCOTT
Don’t you have a job to do?

STACEY
You’re right. I should send out a
mass text about this. Bye.

Scott looks to Wallace, who is out cold, cellphone in hand.

SCOTT
Wallace, how do you do that?
26.


HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room!

SCOTT (O.S.)
WALLACE!

Wallace sits bolt upright. Scott sits at Wallace’s
computer.

SCOTT
Amazon.ca. What’s the website for
that?

WALLACE
...Amazon.ca.

SCOTT
Awesome! I have to order something
reeeally cool.

COMPUTER
"You’ve got mail!"

SCOTT
Dude! This thing claims I have
mail!

WALLACE
It’s amazing what they can do with
computers these days.

SCOTT
Dude! Now I’m reading it!

WALLACE
I’m so happy for you.

SCOTT
"Dear Mr. Pilgrim, It has come to
my attention that we will be
fighting soon. My name is Matthew
Patel, and I’m" blah blah "fair
warning" blah blah...hmm. This
is...this is...THIS IS...!!!

WALLACE
WHAT?!

SCOTT
This is boring. Delete!

’CLICK.’ Scott walks to the front door. Moments pass.

WALLACE
27.


Scott. Are you waiting for the
package you just ordered?

SCOTT
Maybe.

WALLACE
It’s the weekend. It won’t ship
until Monday at the earliest.

DINGY DONG. Scott JUMPS to his feet.

SCOTT
You were saying?

Scott opens the door. It’s KNIVES CHAU!

SCOTT
Heyyy...

KNIVES CHAU
Attack hug!

Knives smothers Scott.

SCOTT
Attack hug. That’s cute.

He plasters on his best fake smile.

KNIVES CHAU
Remember you were supposed to meet
me at the bus stop a half-hour ago?

SCOTT
How could I possibly forget?
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Fantasy"]

Summary Scott tells Wallace about seeing the girl from his dreams at the library, and becomes obsessed with finding her. He receives an email warning about a fight with a guy named Matthew Patel, but finds it boring and deletes it. Knives Chau arrives and reminds Scott that he was supposed to meet her earlier.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue, establishes conflict, sets up stakes for upcoming fight"
Weaknesses "Limited character development, slow pacing"
Critique Overall, the scene lacks a clear objective or conflict. It jumps from topic to topic without much purpose or direction. There could be clearer motivations for the characters and a stronger central conflict driving the scene. Additionally, some of the dialogue feels forced and unnatural, and the scene could benefit from more visually interesting descriptions and actions.
Suggestions Here are some possible suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Give more context to the characters and their relationships. It's not clear who Wallace is and why he's important to Scott. It's also not clear why Scott has a fake high school girlfriend and why he's considering breaking up with her for a girl he saw in a dream and at the library.

2. Make the dialogue more natural and compelling. The conversation between Scott and Wallace feels stiff and disjointed. There's also a lot of repetition, with both characters telling Scott to break up with his fake high school girlfriend. The conversation between Scott and Stacey is more interesting, but it's also brief and lacks depth.

3. Increase the tension and conflict. The scene is mostly mundane and lacks a clear goal or obstacle for Scott to overcome. The message from Matthew Patel could be a potential source of conflict, but Scott dismisses it as boring and deletes it without much thought or concern. Knives Chau's arrival at the end is a bit random and doesn't add much to the scene.

4. Use visual and sensory details to enhance the scene. As a screenwriting format, it's important to show the audience what they're seeing and hearing. The scene description could benefit from more vivid descriptions of the setting, the characters' actions and expressions, and any sounds or music that might be playing in the background. These details can help bring the scene to life and make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 10 -  The Battle is On
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
25 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 25

Scott and Knives flip through the record bins, out of sync.

KNIVES CHAU
Yearbook club is getting SO boring.
I cannot believe the music they put
on while we work.

SCOTT
That’s sucky.


26 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 26
28.


Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. Scott sits on a couch
next to the DO NOT SIT sign, still distracted.

KNIVES CHAU
Hannah broke up with Alan and now
she’s all into Derek...

SCOTT
Uh huh.


27 EXT. PIZZA PIZZA - DAY 27

Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. Knives chows
down on a slice. Scott doesn’t eat, his thoughts elsewhere.

KNIVES CHAU
...but Tamara claims she has dibs
on Derek.

SCOTT
I tell ya’.


28 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 28

Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION, side by side.

Scott plays halfheartedly, his timing off.

KNIVES CHAU
Combo!

Knives goes to flip over Scott, but he messes up. THE
MIRROR IMAGE of Scott’s videogame avatar appears on screen.

KNIVES CHAU
Uh oh, NegaNinja.

NEGANINJA - squares up against Scott’s avatar.

SCOTT
I can never get past that guy.

Scott has his little videogame head cut off. The
"CONTINUE?"

countdown comes up...10...9...8...

KNIVES CHAU
Do you want to keep going?
29.


Scott takes a long look at Knives.

SCOTT
Um, I think...I think...

Scott takes a deep breath. This is never easy. 3...2...1...


29 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 29

STEPHEN STILLS
Game on, everybody. Game. On.

An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. Scott tunes his
bass, alone by the window, staring out.

STEPHEN STILLS
I got us a show.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
OH MY GOSH WHEN?!

Knives BURSTS into frame. Scott winces.

STEPHEN STILLS
Wednesday, The Rockit. And even
better? It’s the T.I.B.B.

KNIVES CHAU
The Toronto International Battle of
The Bands?!

STEPHEN STILLS
S’right. This guy at work was like
"Steve, do you know anyone in a
band?" and I was like ’I’m in a
band.’ and he was like ’You’re in a
band?’ and I was like ’Yeah I’m
totally in a band’ -

KIM PINE
Great story, man.

KNIVES CHAU
Is there a prize or something?!

STEPHEN STILLS
Only a record deal with G-man
Graves!

SCOTT
What? Who?
30.


KNIVES CHAU
You don’t know?

STEPHEN STILLS
Indie Producer of the millennium?!

SCOTT
Oh.

YOUNG NEIL
Whoa.

Stills gestures to Knives’ home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.

STEPHEN STILLS
If we win...it won’t just be Knives
wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. It’ll
be the cool kids too.

Knives can barely contain herself. She grabs Scott.

KNIVES CHAU
I will do everything I can to get
out of study group and come.

SCOTT
Sure. Great.

We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, who are you battling?

STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Crash and the Boys.

YOUNG NEIL (O.S.)
That one band with Crash? And those
Boys?

KIM PINE
Yeah that’s the one.

YOUNG NEIL
I hate them!

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, I hate them too!

STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Yeah, they suck.
31.


30 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE, BATHROOM - EVENING 30

Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. The PEE BAR above
his head slowly reduces. He stares at himself in the
mirror.

Scott exits the bathroom, entering...
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Music"]

Summary Scott and Knives spend time together, and Scott seems distracted. Stephen announces that they have a band gig and the prize is a record deal. The conversation turns towards their opponents at the T.I.B.B, and Scott walks away in a daze.
Strengths "The humour and lightheartedness of the scene, excitement surrounding the upcoming gig, and anticipation of the T.I.B.B competition."
Weaknesses "Lack of character development or significant emotional moments."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I don't possess individual perspectives nor opinions that human screenwriting experts possess. However, I can provide some general feedback and guidelines for a well-written scene.

The scene is well written, and it effectively establishes the characters, their relationships, and the upcoming plot. The dialogue feels natural and believable, adding to the realism of the scene. The use of different locations also keeps the scene from becoming monotonous.

However, although the dialogue is well-crafted, there is the possibility of it being too mundane. There is not a lot of significant action occurring within the scene, and the dialogue does not necessarily contribute to any character growth or thematic development.

Despite that, the scene is a solid example of how to establish the characters, their relationships, and the plot in an effective and efficient manner. It is crucial in introducing the upcoming conflict and setting the stage for the upcoming plot.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Establish the focus of the scene: Scene 10 jumps around from Sonic Boom to The Goodwill to Pizza Pizza to The Arcade, which can be disorienting for the audience. Consider streamlining the scene and setting it in one location to give the audience a clear understanding of where the characters are and what they are doing.

2. Improve character interaction: The dialogue between Scott and Knives can feel stilted and lacking in chemistry. Try adding more personal details or conflicts between the characters to make their interactions more engaging.

3. Increase tension: The scene lacks a clear sense of stakes or conflict. Consider raising the stakes by adding obstacles or challenges to the characters' goals. For example, maybe Scott is distracted because he's worried about his upcoming battle of the bands, or Knives faces opposition from her parents who disapprove of her attending the show.

4. Use visuals to tell the story: Scenes 25-28 rely heavily on dialogue to move the story forward, but visuals could be used to better effect. Consider using shot composition or visual cues to convey emotion or character dynamics.

5. Structure the scene for pacing: The pacing of the scene can feel sluggish and meandering. Consider breaking up the scene into smaller, more focused beats that drive the story forward and hold the audience's attention.



Scene 11 -  Dreams and Desires
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
31 INT. DREAM HIGH SCHOOL - ? 31

...a long, empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. Scott’s footsteps
echo as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on
it... RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door, skating past
Scott and down the hall, PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in
her hand.

Scott runs after her, around a corner, down a row of
LOCKERS leading to...the outside of WALLACE’S APARTMENT???


32 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - MORNING 32

Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front
door, THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as
she presses the doorbell. DINGY DONG...

SCOTT
Hi, um, I was thinking about asking
you out, but then I realized how
stupid that would be.
(beat)
So do you wanna go out sometime?

RAMONA
Um, no, that’s okay. You just have
to sign for this alright?

SCOTT
I just woke up, and you were in my
dream. I dreamt you were delivering
me this package. Is that weird?

RAMONA
It’s not weird at all.

SCOTT
It’s not?

RAMONA
32.


No, it’s just like, you’ve got this
really convenient subspace highway
running through your head that I
like to use. It’s like three miles
in fifteen seconds.

SCOTT
Right...

RAMONA
Oh yeah. I forgot you guys don’t
have that in Canada.

SCOTT
You don’t remember me do you? I met
you at the party the other day.

RAMONA
Were you the Pac-Man guy?

SCOTT
No. Not even. That was some total
ass. I was the other guy. You’re
Ramona Flowers right?

RAMONA
That’s me.

SCOTT
So, you’re like American?

RAMONA
Why, am I coming off as rude?

SCOTT
Not at all. Noooooo...

Scott stands in awe of Ramona. She gives him a pen.

RAMONA
You know...you need to sign for
this. Whatever this is?

SCOTT
It’s something really cool. You’d
be impressed.

RAMONA
You still have to sign.

SCOTT
But if I sign for it, you’ll leave.
33.


RAMONA
Yeah. That’s how it works.

SCOTT
Okay well, can we just maybe just
hang out sometime? Get to know each
other? You’re the new kid on the
block, right? I’ve lived here
forever. I mean...there are reasons
for you to hang out with me?

RAMONA
You’re all over the place.

SCOTT
You are like...my dream girl.

RAMONA
I need to find a new route.

SCOTT
Either that or you need to start
hanging out with me.

RAMONA
You want me to hang out with you?

SCOTT
Um...you know...if that’s cool.

RAMONA
If I say yes, will you sign for
your damn package?

Scott finally signs on the dotted line. And throws the
package straight in the trash.

SCOTT
Done. So, yeah. Eight o’clock?
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Scott encounters Ramona from his dream and is enamored by her. He asks her out, but she's not interested unless he signs for her package from Amazon. Scott finally agrees and throws away the package.
Strengths "The witty dialogue and fantastical elements make for an entertaining scene. The introduction of Ramona adds depth to the story."
Weaknesses "There isn't much conflict or emotional weight to the scene."
Critique Overall, the scene has good pacing and sets up the dynamic between Scott and Ramona well. The dialogue flows naturally and reveals bits of character traits. However, there are a few moments that could be improved.

Firstly, the transition from the dream sequence to the real world could be clearer. It's jarring for the audience to suddenly be outside of an apartment without any explanation of how they got there.

Secondly, the bit where Scott throws the package straight in the trash is confusing and doesn't add anything to the scene. It might make more sense if there was some explanation for why he does this.

Lastly, the ending where Scott asks Ramona out on a date feels slightly unrealistic given their short, unusual interaction. It would have been nice to see some kind of bonding moment between them that would make the audience more invested in the potential romance.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some tweaks and additional development of the characters and their relationship.
Suggestions - Consider cutting down the hallway and outside scene. It doesn't add much to the story and could be condensed or cut entirely.

- Add more specific details to the setting of Wallace's apartment and Dream High School to create a more vivid image for the audience.

- Consider adding more action and movement to the scene to make it more visually interesting for the audience.

- Work on tightening up the dialogue and making it more efficient. Some lines could be cut or condensed without losing the impact of the scene.

- Consider adding more character development and backstory to Scott and Ramona to make their interactions more meaningful to the overall story.



Scene 12 -  Snowy Date with Ramona
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 10
33 EXT. PARK - NIGHT 33

Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the
park. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them.

SCOTT
Why are you just standing there?

RAMONA
Dude, I’m totally waiting on you.

SCOTT
34.


Sorry, I just assumed you were too
cool to be on time.

RAMONA
Well. You assumed wrong.

SCOTT
So what do you want to do? We could
get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip
through some records at Sonic Boom.
Oh, or there’s this awesome game
called Ninja Ninja Revolution at-

RAMONA
I’m not into simulated violence.

SCOTT
I’m cool with whatever you want to
do.

RAMONA
This is good.

Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park.

SCOTT
This is good. So how’d you end up
in Toronto?

RAMONA
Just needed to escape I guess.

SCOTT
Oh yeah?

RAMONA
I got this job here. And Gideon had
always said Toronto was one of the
great cities so...

SCOTT
Is Gideon...is he your boyfriend?

RAMONA
He’s...a friend.

SCOTT
Was he your boyfriend?

RAMONA
Do you mind if we don’t get into
that right now?
35.


SCOTT
It’s so not interesting to me.

They sit on some swings in the park.

RAMONA
So what about you? What do you do?

SCOTT
I’m between jobs.

RAMONA
Between what and what?

SCOTT
My last job is a long story filled
with sighs.

RAMONA
I know plenty of those.

SCOTT
Is that why you left New York?

RAMONA
Pretty much. It was time to head
somewhere a little more chilled.

SCOTT
Well, it’s certainly chilled here.

RAMONA
Yeah.

SCOTT
Uh, chilled as in cold.

RAMONA
Yeah.

SCOTT
I’m totally obsessed with you.

RAMONA
I didn’t mean to get you obsessed.

SCOTT
I just haven’t been obsessed with a
girl for a long time. It’s weird.

RAMONA
That’s probably because you sleep
with a guy.
36.


SCOTT
Um...

RAMONA
I was guessing from your apartment,
but you totally do!

SCOTT
It’s... we’re just poor! We can’t
afford two beds! We’re not gay!
Actually... no... Wallace is pretty
gay.

RAMONA
Dude, relax. I believe you. You’re
too desperate to be gay.

SCOTT
I feel so stupid.

RAMONA
Aw... you’re probably not that
stupid.

Laughing, Ramona hops off her swing.

SCOTT
I’m... mostly stupid.

RAMONA
Well, you’re definitely stupid if
you want to go out with me.

SCOTT
Exactly, yeah.

The snowfall gets heavier.

RAMONA
This is ridiculous. Isn’t it like
April?

SCOTT
Yeah. I can barely see you. This
whole thing is an unmitigated
disaster.

RAMONA
I think ’act of God’ is a pretty
decent excuse for a lousy date.

SCOTT
So this is a ’date’, eh?
37.


RAMONA
Did I say ’date’? Slip of the
tongue.

SCOTT
Tongue...

The snow gets heavier still. Ramona walks away.

RAMONA
Anyway, night’s not over yet. I
think there’s a thingy up here
somewhere.

SCOTT
A thingy?

RAMONA
A door.

SCOTT
A door? I... I... I can’t see you.
I’m blind. Help me.

A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness.

Ramona opens the door. Scott and Ramona fall into
blackness...
Genres: ["romance","comedy"]

Summary Scott and Ramona go on a date but get caught in a snowstorm. They discuss their pasts and Scott confesses his obsession with Ramona. Ramona reveals that she just moved to Toronto and has a complicated relationship with someone named Gideon.
Strengths "The witty banter between Scott and Ramona, the romantic tension between the two"
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't have much conflict or action to move the story along"
Critique Overall, this scene seems well-written with solid character development and an engaging dialogue. The banter between Scott and Ramona feels natural and adds to their chemistry. However, there are a few small areas for improvement:

1. The scene lacks much description beyond the setting and physical actions of the characters. Adding sensory details and more atmospheric language could further immerse the audience in the scene.

2. The dialogue occasionally feels a bit on-the-nose, particularly when Ramona discusses her reasons for coming to Toronto. This could be more subtly conveyed through her actions or indirect dialogue.

3. While the door with the STAR on it is intriguing, the sudden shift to blackness feels a bit jarring as there's no explanation or transition. Adding some sort of visual effect or sound cue could help smooth this out.

Overall, this scene seems like it has potential and could be even stronger with a little more revision and polish.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Establish the setting more clearly. It’s not clear where in the park the characters are and what the atmosphere is like.

2. Increase the stakes. The scene lacks tension and conflict. Consider adding a moment of disagreement, miscommunication or tension to keep the audience engaged.

3. Develop the characters. There is some banter between Scott and Ramona, but we don't learn much about them as people. Consider adding some backstory or character traits to make them more interesting and relatable.

4. Use the setting to create mood. The park in the snow could be used to create a sense of isolation or intimacy between the characters. Use the elements of the scene to enhance the emotional content.

5. Avoid on-the-nose dialogue. Some of the dialogue feels repetitive or cliched. Consider cutting some unnecessary dialogue and adding more subtext to create a richer, more nuanced conversation.

6. Make the door moment more impactful. The sudden appearance of the door in the snow is a cool image, but it needs to be more meaningful. Consider adding some foreshadowing or payoff to make the moment more satisfying for the audience.



Scene 13 -  Tea and Blankets
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 10
34 INT. RAMONA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 34

Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona’s cozy, girl
friendly apartment. He watches as she slips out of her
coat.

RAMONA
What kind of tea do you want?

SCOTT
There’s more than one kind?

RAMONA
We have blueberry, raspberry,
ginseng, sleepytime, green tea,
green tea with lemon, green tea
with lemon and honey, liver
disaster, ginger with honey, ginger
without honey, vanilla almond,
white truffle, blueberry chamomile,
vanilla walnut, constant comment
and earl grey.
38.


SCOTT
Did you make some of those up?

RAMONA
I think I’ll have sleepytime.

SCOTT
That sounds good to me.

RAMONA
Let me get you a blanket.

SCOTT
That would actually be awesome.

Ramona exits. After a moment alone, Scott ventures
upstairs.

He wanders towards a half open door. Pushing it open, he
finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt.

RAMONA
Dude! I’m changing.

Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK.

SCOTT (O.S.)
AAAH! Sorry, I’m just...cold!

RAMONA (O.S.)
Here, does this help?

SCOTT (O.S.)
That’s...very warm. What is that?

Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him.

SCOTT
Ohh...kay.

They look into each others eyes...camera circles Scott and
Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session. Scott
imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky
bassline. Ramona breaks off, smiling. Scott is in heaven.

SCOTT
Were you..were you just going to
bring the blanket from your bed?

RAMONA
I guess...
39.


SCOTT
Maybe...maybe we should both get
under it...since we’re so cold.

RAMONA
Well...what about our tea?

SCOTT
I can...not have tea.

The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt
off, revealing black panties to complement black bra. Scott
takes his shirt off. They tumble onto the bed and make out.
Then-

RAMONA
I changed my mind.

SCOTT
Changed it to what? From what?

RAMONA
I don’t want to have sex with you,
Pilgrim. Not right now.

SCOTT
Ohh...kay.

RAMONA
It’s not like I’m gonna send you
home in a snowstorm or anything.
You can sleep in my bed. And I
reserve the right to change my mind
about the sex later.

Ramona curls up next to Scott.

SCOTT
This is cool, just this. It’s been
like a really long time, and this
is...I think I needed this.
Whatever this is. So, thanks.

RAMONA
You’re welcome.

They exchange a smile. Then without warning we jump cut to
-


35 INT. RAMONA’S ROOM - MORNING 35
40.


DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. Ramona is gone. An arrow points to
the empty spot in the bed next to him.

’RAMONA’ Another arrow point out that-

’SHE’S IN THE SHOWER’ Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a
towel. Scott relaxes.

RAMONA
I have to work.

SCOTT
Work?

RAMONA
You have to leave.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Scott and Ramona share tea and a cozy moment at Ramona's apartment, leading to an intense make-out session, before Ramona changes her mind about sex. They sleep together and Scott wakes up alone the next morning.
Strengths "The scene highlights the romantic chemistry between Scott and Ramona, building tension through their shared moment of intimacy. The whimsical setting and playful dialogue add to the overall charm of the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks a strong plot development beyond Scott and Ramona's relationship, and the conflict level is relatively low."
Critique Overall, the scene flows well and sets up the relationship between Scott and Ramona. However, there are a few critiques to consider:

1. The tea list exchange could be shortened or streamlined to keep the scene moving at a quicker pace.

2. When Scott ventures upstairs and finds Ramona changing, it feels like a trope that has been overdone in movies and can come across as lazy writing. Consider finding a more unique way for Scott and Ramona to reveal their physical attraction to each other.

3. The jump cut to the next morning feels abrupt and could use a smoother transition.

Overall, the scene does a good job of setting up the relationship between Scott and Ramona, but could benefit from some tweaks to feel more fresh and unique.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and establishes the romantic tension between Scott and Ramona. However, there are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Clarify the setting: Is Ramona's apartment cozy and girl-friendly or is it just cozy? It is not necessary to specify the girl-friendly aspect unless it significantly impacts the story.

2. Streamline the tea dialogue: The list of tea options is lengthy and slows down the pacing of the scene. Consider shortening it to focus on the more important dialogue that reveals Ramona's personality.

3. Build tension more gradually: Scott's sudden venture into Ramona's bedroom may seem too sudden. Build the tension by showing him hesitating outside the door or adding a moment where Ramona looks uncomfortable before he covers his eyes.

4. Be mindful of consent: When Scott enters Ramona's bedroom, he finds her in her bra and skirt. While he covers his eyes, it is important to establish that she is comfortable with his presence.

5. Add more physical description: Despite the intimate setting, there is very little physical description of the characters' actions. Adding more description of their movements and gestures can help enhance the scene's sensuality.

6. Consider pacing: The sudden jump cut to the morning after may be jarring for the audience. Consider ending the scene on a more emotionally charged moment to add greater momentum to the story.



Scene 14 -  Ramona's Number
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
36 EXT. RAMONA’S APARTMENT - MORNING 36

Ramona skates towards the front gate, Scott walking next to
her. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks.

SCOTT
Hey, can this not be a one night
stand? For one thing, I didn’t even
get any...that was a joke.

RAMONA
What did you have in mind?

SCOTT
Umm...oh, come to the first round
of this battle of the bands thing.

RAMONA
(totally unimpressed)
You have a band?

SCOTT
Yeah, we’re terrible. Please come.

RAMONA
Sure.

Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow...(somehow)

SCOTT
Wait! Can I get your number?

SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop, right back next to
Scott. She hands him a note. ’RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665,
xxxxxxx’
41.


SCOTT
Wow, girl number.

Scott looks back up. Ramona is already skating far, far
away.

RAMONA
See you at the show, Scott Pilgrim.

SCOTT
Oh, hey! It’s tonight...At The-


37 INT. THE ROCKIT - NIGHT 37

’THE ROCKIT, FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET’

Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of
young hipsters, reaching Scott at the bar. He stands with
Wallace and Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing
glasses.

SCOTT
You totally came!

RAMONA
Yes. I did totally come.

Scott is so amazed at her presence, his social skills
vanish.

STACEY
Excuse my brother. He’s chronically
enfeebled. I’m Stacey.

RAMONA
Hey.

STACEY
And this is Wallace, his room-mate.

WALLACE
Hey.

STACEY
And this is my boyfriend Jimmy.

WALLACE
(staring at Jimmy)
Heyyy.

STACEY
And this is Knives, Scott’s-
42.


Scott goes white. He didn’t even see Knives come in.

SCOTT
HEYYYYYYYY!

KNIVES CHAU
Hey.

Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. He pushes her away. Knives
looks kinda sexy, wearing makeup and new clothes.

KNIVES CHAU
Do you like?

SCOTT
I...uh...

LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. Stacey stares at Scott. Knives
and Ramona stare at each other. Wallace stares at Jimmy.

SCOTT
Have. To. Go.

Scott scurries off. We hear feedback from a mic onstage.

PROMOTER (O.S.)
This next band are from Brampton
and they are Crash And The Boys.


38 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 38

Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping
through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band.

STEPHEN STILLS
This is a nightmare. Is this a
nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake
up.

KIM PINE
Once we’re on stage you’ll be fine.

STEPHEN STILLS
We were just on stage. For sound
check. The sound guy hated us.

SCOTT
It’s just nerves! Pre-show jitters.
People love us. Right?
43.


Scott sounds less than convincing. He looks up at Ramona
and Knives sitting with Wallace, Jimmy and Stacey in the
BALCONY.


39 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 39

Crash and The Boys tune up. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy.

WALLACE
Jimmy. Do they rock or suck?

JIMMY
They...haven’t started playing yet.

WALLACE
That was a test, Jimmy. You passed.

CRASH
Good evening. I am Crash, and these
are the Boys.

WALLACE
IS THAT GIRL A BOY, TOO?

CRASH
Yes.

TRASHA, 8 year old girl drummer, gives Wallace the finger.


40 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 40

Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. Kim glowers.

KIM PINE
They have a girl drummer?
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Music"]

Summary Scott gets Ramona's number and invites her to his band's gig.
Strengths "The scene effectively sets up a major plot point of the band gig and introduces Ramona as a potential love interest."
Weaknesses "The scene could include more character development for Ramona, and the dialogue feels slightly contrived in parts."
Critique The scene has good pacing, and the dialogue effectively establishes the characters' personalities and motivations. However, the descriptions could be more specific and vivid to create a clearer visual and emotional image for the reader. For example, instead of just saying "WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks," the description could explore how the characters navigate this obstacle and how it affects their mood. The scene could also benefit from more sensory details to engage the reader and enhance the emotional resonance of the dialogue. Overall, the scene successfully sets up the premise for the following events while presenting distinct characterizations and tone.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written with strong character interactions and dialogue. However, there are a few suggestions I have to further improve the scene:

1. Show rather than tell: Instead of having Ramona tell Scott that she’s unimpressed by his band, show her lack of interest through her body language and facial expressions. This will make the scene more dynamic and engaging for the audience.

2. More description: While the setting of the scene is mentioned, there is little description beyond that. Adding more sensory details such as the smells, sounds, and sights of the venue can help immerse the audience in the world of the story.

3. Clarify character motivations: The motivations and feelings of some characters, such as Knives and Scott, could be more clearly defined in this scene. This will make their actions and decisions more meaningful to the audience.

4. Cut unnecessary lines: While some of the humorous lines add to the characterizations and tone of the scene, others are repetitive or feel like filler. Trimming down the dialogue to the most essential lines can make the scene tighter and more impactful.



Scene 15 -  Crash and The Boys' Gig
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
41 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 41

CRASH
This is called "I am so sad. I am
so very very sad." And it goes a
little something like this.

Crash and the Boys play a whole song in .04 seconds.

CRASH
Thank you.

Wallace yells from the balcony.
44.


WALLACE
IT’S NOT A RACE, GUYS!

CRASH
This song is for the guy who keeps
yelling from the balcony, and it’s
called "We Hate You, Please Die."

WALLACE
Sweet, I love this one!

Crash continues his rampage of musical hate.


42 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 42

STEPHEN STILLS
These guys are good. Are these guys
good?

Kim Pine scowls harder than ever.

STEPHEN STILLS
These guys are good.


43 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 43

CRASH
This is called "Last Song Kills
Audience". It’ll be our last song
tonight and your last song EVER...

Sound explodes from the stage. The audience are stunned.


44 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 44

Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band.

STEPHEN STILLS
How are we supposed to follow this?
We’re not going to win, we’re not
gonna sign with G-Man and we’ll
never play opening night at the
Chaos Theatre.
(FREAKING OUT)
GODDAMN IT SCOTT, WILL YOU STOP
JUST STANDING THERE, YOU’RE
FREAKING ME OUT!


45 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 45
45.


As Crash And The Boys climax, Stacey turns to Ramona.

STACEY
So, how do you know Scott?

RAMONA
He’s...um. He’s a friend.

STACEY
Hard for me to keep track
sometimes. He has so many friends.

Ramona arches an eyebrow. Stacey turns to Knives and
Tamara.

STACEY
So Knives, how did you meet Scott?


46 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 46

Scott looks up into the balcony, sees Stacey talking to
Knives. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the
face.

SCOTT
We gotta play now and loud!


47 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 47

Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives’ story.

KNIVES CHAU
Well, I was on the bus with my Mom-

Knives freezes, staring at the stage.

RAMONA
Is that seriously the end of the
story?

KNIVES CHAU
OH MY GOSH, they’re on!
Genres: ["Comedy","Music"]

Summary Scott's band, Crash and the Boys, performs at The Rockit and the audience is stunned by their music. Meanwhile, backstage, Stephen Stills worries about how they can follow such an act. Stacey and Ramona talk about Scott, while Knives tells a story that ends abruptly because the band takes the stage.
Strengths "Energetic music performance, witty dialogue"
Weaknesses "Lack of significant plot development, not much emotional impact"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with good pacing and clear actions and reactions from the characters. The use of dialogue adds to the humor and tone of the scene. However, one possible critique is that some of the dialogue feels slightly expositional, especially in the exchange between Stacey and Ramona about Scott's friends. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more physical descriptions and actions to help visualize the intensity of the performance.
Suggestions Firstly, it’s important to establish the setting of the scene. Is "The Rockit" a concert venue? Is it a battle of the bands? Consider adding a bit more detail to help readers understand the context.

Secondly, add some physical descriptions to the characters to make them more vivid and memorable for the audience. What are Crash and the Boys wearing? How does Stacey react to the music?

Thirdly, focus on the pacing of the scene. The dialogue is quite fast-paced, which is great for an energetic music scene. However, it might feel a bit rushed for readers. Consider adding more beats, actions, and descriptions to break up the dialogue and allow the audience to better absorb the story.

Fourthly, consider adding more conflict within the scene. While the music itself is energetic, there doesn't seem to be much conflict between the characters (except for perhaps Stephen Stills' freakout). Adding more interpersonal conflict, such as between Crash and Wallace or between Stills and Scott, could create a more engaging and memorable scene.

Finally, consider adding more sensory language to the scene. How does the audience react to the music? What does it feel like to be in the crowd? Adding sensory details can make the scene feel more immersive and engaging for the audience.



Scene 16 -  Sex Bob-Omb vs. Matthew Patel
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 9
48 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 48

ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic.

PROMOTER
46.


This next band is from Toronto
and...yeah. So give it up for
Sex...Bob-Omb?

SEX BOB-OMB walk on. Wallace and Knives give the only
cheers.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott...you ready?

Scott nods vigorously.

STEPHEN STILLS
Kim...you rea-

KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. ONE, TWO...

ANGLE on Knives. She faints in the excitement.

KIM PINE
THREE, FOUR!

Sex Bob-omb rock out, barely into the first verse when a
chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER
KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole, finger pointed at
Scott as he sails towards the stage!

MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a
lopsided fringe. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that
borders on flamboyant. He drags on a cigarette (blacked
out).

MATTHEW PATEL
Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew
Patel. Consider our fight...begun!

SCOTT
What did I do?

Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott.

SCOTT
What do I do?!

WALLACE
FIGHT!

Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with
his left arm, then PUNCHES him across the floor with his
right. Patel LANDS like a cat, FLIPS his fringe and GLARES
at Scott.
47.


MATTHEW PATEL
Alright. Alright.

WALLACE
Watch out! It’s that one guy!

SCOTT
Thank you, Wallace!

Patel RUNS at Scott. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and
sends him flying into the air. They land in THE PIT,
knocking hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting
circle.

MATTHEW PATEL
You’re quite the opponent, Pilgrim.

SCOTT
Who the hell are you anyway?

The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters.

MATTHEW PATEL
My name is Matthew Patel and I’m
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!

SCOTT
You’re what?

MATTHEW PATEL
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!

All eyes WHIP up to Ramona...

RAMONA
Anyone need another drink?

Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Scott blocks. Patel
punches. Scott blocks, then holds his hand up for a time-
out.

SCOTT
We’re fighting because of Ramona?

MATTHEW PATEL
Didn’t you get my e-mail explaining
the situation?

SCOTT
I skimmed it.

MATTHEW PATEL
You will pay for your insolence!
48.


Patel attacks, landing kicks and punches. Scott evades and
counter-attacks. Patel evades, then lands more punches.

Scott jump-spins away from danger. They pause, breathing
heavy.

WALLACE
What’s up with his outfit?

OTHER HECKLER
Yeah! Is he a pirate?

Scott looks at Patel’s outfit.

SCOTT
Are you a pirate?

MATTHEW PATEL
Pirates are in this year!

Patel attacks again. They exchange furious blows, until
Patel puts Scott in a choke hold. Scott looks up to Ramona.

SCOTT
You really went out with this guy?

RAMONA
Yeah, in the seventh grade.

The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the
balcony. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK.

RAMONA
It was football season and for some
reason, all the little jocks wanted
me. Matthew was the only non-white,
non-jock boy in school, probably in
the entire state, so we joined
forces and took ’em all out. We
were one hell of a team. Nothing
could beat Matthew’s mystical
powers. Nothing but pre-teen
capriciousness. We only kissed
once. After a week and a half, I
told him to hit the showers.

The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel.

SCOTT
Dude, wait...mystical powers?

Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona.
49.


MATTHEW PATEL
You’ll pay for this, Flowers!

Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG!

MATTHEW PATEL
If you want to fight me, you’re not
the brightest. You won’t know
what’s hit you in the slightest.

Patel levitates into the air. Four hot girls in skirts with
fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him.

MATTHEW PATEL
Me and my fireballs and my Demon
Hipster Chicks, I’m talking the
talk because I know I’m slick.

Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at
Scott.

He flips back onto the stage, narrowly dodging the attack.

MATTHEW PATEL
Fireball Girls! Take this sucker
down.

The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. Scott
dodges. The house drum kit is trashed behind him.

MATTHEW PATEL
Let us show him what we’re all
about.

Scott hits the ground, dodging a third wave of fireballs.

They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings.

SCOTT
That doesn’t even rhyme.

Scott rolls across the stage, GRABS one of Kim’s CYMBALS
and throws it Captain America style. It hits Patel square
in the eyes. POOF, the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish.

MATTHEW PATEL
This is impossible, how can it be?!

Scott leaps into the air. Patel opens his eyes just in time
to see Scott Pilgrim’s FIST racing towards his face.

SCOTT
Open your eyes. Maybe you’ll see.
50.


K.O! Scott punches Patel. He explodes into COINS. They
clatter to the stage floor. Scott lands and picks them up.

SCOTT
Sweet. Coins.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Scott and his band perform at The Rockit while being attacked by Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend, Matthew Patel.
Strengths
  • Action-packed fight scene
  • Witty and humorous dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth and development
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as a solid introduction to the movie's action and style. The scene effectively establishes the main characters, their relationship, and Scott Pilgrim's world filled with video game-like battles. The dialogue and pacing are quick and engaging, setting up the conflict between Scott and Patel. The use of visual effects and animated flashbacks adds a creative element to the scene. Overall, the scene serves its purpose as an entertaining and thrilling introduction to the movie's tone and style. However, some might argue that the scene may rely too heavily on style and not enough on substance, as the characters and their motivations may not be fully developed in this opening scene.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is action-packed and engaging, but there are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Introduce the Indian hipster kid earlier in the story: The sudden appearance of Matthew Patel can be confusing for the audience since they have no prior knowledge of the character. A brief introduction or hint of his character earlier in the story could make his appearance more impactful and less random.

2. Make the fight choreography clearer: While the fight between Scott and Patel is exciting, some of the actions are unclear or poorly described. Clear and concise instructions on the fight choreography can help visualize the scene for the readers and make it easier for the director and actors to execute.

3. Develop the characters' reactions more: While Knives fainting and Wallace cheering add some humor to the scene, there could be more development on the characters' reactions to the fight. Giving more insight into how each character feels about the situation can add depth and emotion to the scene.

4. Consider tone consistency: The sudden appearance of a Bollywood-style song and the Demon Hipster Chicks can be a jarring shift from the rest of the scene. While incorporating humor and unexpected elements can be effective, it's important to maintain consistency with the overall tone of the film.



Scene 17 -  Defeating the Exes
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 9
49 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 49

Ramona makes her way out fast. Passes Stacey.

RAMONA
Well, it was great meeting you.
Tell your gay friends I said bye.

STACEY
Gay friends?

Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out.

STACEY
WALLACE?! Not again!

Ramona passes Knives, who is being resuscitated by Tamara.


50 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 50

Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them.

SCOTT
Aw man. $2.40? That’s not even
enough for the bus home.

RAMONA
I’ll lend you the 30 cents.

Ramona yanks Scott away. The Promoter ambles back onstage.

PROMOTER
Yeah...so like, Sex Bob-Omb wins.


51 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 51

Knives is now wide awake, clapping wildly from the balcony.

Her eyes scan the venue for Scott...but he is long gone.


52 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 52
51.


SCOTT
Sooooooo...

A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.

SCOTT
What was all that all about?

RAMONA
Uh, I guess...

Ramona takes a breath. Looks deep into Scott’s eyes.

RAMONA
If we’re going to date, you may
have to defeat my seven evil ex’s.

SCOTT
You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?

RAMONA
Seven ex’s, yes.

SCOTT
So I have to fight-

RAMONA
Defeat.

SCOTT
-defeat your seven evil ex’s if
we’re going to continue to date.

RAMONA
Pretty much.

SCOTT
So, what you’re saying is...
(beat)
We are dating?

RAMONA
Uh, I guess.

SCOTT
Cool. Do you want to make out?

RAMONA
Uh...

Scott kisses Ramona. The studio audience ’awwww’s.
52.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Scott and Ramona leave The Rockit and take the bus home. Ramona reveals that Scott must defeat her seven evil exes if they are going to continue dating.
Strengths "The scene provides a witty and humorous tone and advances the plot of the story. The dialogue is engaging and the characters are fleshed out, especially Ramona and Scott."
Weaknesses "The conflict is low and the stakes are not high enough. The introduction of the seven evil exes plotline may seem contrived to some viewers."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have opinions or thoughts; however, as for the critique of the scene, it seems well-written with clear actions, dialogue, and setting descriptions. The characters have distinct personalities, and the plot progresses smoothly with the introduction of the seven evil ex's. The dialogue is witty and playful, adding a lighthearted tone to the scene. Overall, it looks like a well-crafted scene.
Suggestions As a screenwriting language model, I can provide some general suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the characters more: At this point in the script, we haven't really gotten to know the characters very well. To make the scene more engaging, consider adding some context to their personalities and relationships with each other.

2. Add some conflict: There isn't a lot of tension in this scene. Consider introducing some conflict to keep the audience engaged. This could be anything from a heated argument to a minor disagreement.

3. Make the dialogue more engaging: The dialogue is a bit flat in this scene. Consider spicing it up with some witty banter or humorous one-liners.

4. Create a more interesting setting: The scene takes place in a fairly generic venue. Consider adding some unique visual elements to make the setting more compelling and visually interesting.

5. Raise the stakes: The consequences of the scene seem fairly low. Consider adding some higher stakes to make the scene more dramatic and impactful.

Overall, the scene could use some more development and refinement to make it more engaging and memorable. Consider using these suggestions as a starting point for improving the script.



Scene 18 -  Ramona's Ultimatum
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
53 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - MORNING 53

A bleary Wallace fries bacon. Scott bursts through the
front door, a spring in his step. The studio audience
applauds.

WALLACE
Someone’s happy.

SCOTT
Well, someone got to second base
last night. And someone has a
second date tonight.

WALLACE
Someone’s lucky then.

SCOTT
You know when I say ’˜someone’, I
mean me, right? I got to second
base last night...maybe first and a
half.

Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott.

SCOTT
Oh, hey, I’m inviting Ramona over
for dinner, so you can’t be here
tonight. I don’t want you gaying up
the place.

WALLACE
Okay, Scott. But in return I have
to issue an ultimatum.

SCOTT
One of your famous ultimatums?

WALLACE
It may live in infamy...You have to
break up with Knives. Today. Okay?

Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace’s bacon.

SCOTT
But...but...it’s HARD.

WALLACE
If you don’t do it, I’m going to
tell Ramona about Knives. I swear
to God, Scott.

SCOTT
53.


But you...you’re...

At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom
and helps himself to coffee.

JIMMY
Morning.

Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly.

SCOTT
DOUBLE STANDARD!

WALLACE
I didn’t make up the gay rulebook.
If you have a problem with it, take
it up with Liberace’s Ghost.

SCOTT
You’re a monster.

WALLACE
Now put the bacon down and go do
your dirt while I watch the Lucas
Lee marathon on TBS Superstation.

SCOTT
Who’s Lucas Lee?

Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW
magazine.

WALLACE
He was this pretty good skater and
now he’s this pretty good actor.
He’s filming a Winifred Hailey
movie in Toronto right now.

SCOTT
They make movies in Toronto?

WALLACE
Yes. I am stalking him later.

SCOTT
So, this Lucas Lee-

WALLACE
Lucas Lee is not important to you
right now! Get out.

SCOTT
You suck. Surprising no one.
54.


Scott grumbles off. Wallace turns the television way up. We
see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller.

LUCAS LEE (ON TV)
Listen close and listen hard,
bucko. The next click is me hanging
up. The one after that...is me
pulling the trigger.


54 EXT. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET - DAY 54

A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone.

SCOTT
Oh, hey, Knives. Um, do you want
to, like, talk or whatever?

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like
a spring jacket? And a hoodie?

SCOTT
Ummm...

Scott checks what he’s wearing. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
And a dorky hat?!

SCOTT
It’s not dorky! Why are you
psychic?

A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass.

SCOTT
Oh. Uh...okay. Hi.
Genres: ["comedy","romance"]

Summary Scott must choose between Ramona and Knives, while Wallace taunts him about his love life and Lucas Lee makes a threatening appearance on TV.
Strengths "Humorous banter and witty one-liners, along with the introduction of Lucas Lee as an antagonist."
Weaknesses "The ultimatum plotline feels contrived and slightly forced."
Critique This scene is well-written and effectively conveys the relationship between Wallace and Scott. The dialogue is natural and humorous, which engages the audience. The introduction of Lucas Lee provides a hint at Scott's upcoming conflict and sets up a storyline for the next scene. However, there isn't much tension or conflict in this scene, and it feels more like a playful conversation than a significant moment in the story. It also doesn't move the plot forward as much as it could. Overall, while it's a fun and entertaining scene, it could benefit from more narrative significance.
Suggestions Overall, this scene could use some tightening up and clarity. Here are some specific suggestions:

1. Consider removing the studio audience reference. It's unclear if this is a meta joke for the audience or if there's a live studio audience present in the scene. It's distracting and doesn't add anything to the story.

2. Make sure the dialogue is clearly establishing character and advancing the plot. Some of the banter between Scott and Wallace feels like filler rather than adding anything important to the story.

3. Consider giving more context about what's happening with Lucas Lee. Right now, the mention of him feels a bit random and doesn't really add anything to the scene or the story. Could there be a way to tie him in more directly to Scott's story or journey?

4. Tighten up the dialogue to make it more naturalistic. Some of the lines feel a bit overly scripted or stilted. For example, when Wallace says "One of your famous ultimatums?" it doesn't quite sound like something a person would say in casual conversation.

5. Consider adding more visual description to the scene to help bring it to life and give the reader a clearer sense of what's happening. For example, we don't really get a clear sense of what the characters are doing physically throughout the scene. Adding in more detail on that front could help bring the scene to life.



Scene 19 -  Breaking Up is Hard to Do
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
55 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 55

The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.

Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE
CLASH AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY
ADAMS posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow
and mist.

KNIVES CHAU
I can’t believe they’re coming to
town. Will you take me to the show?
55.


SCOTT
Yeah, listen-

The SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder, pounding inside Scott’s head.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, hey, I wanted to invite you
over for dinner.

SCOTT
Like, Chinese food?

KNIVES CHAU
Yeah.

SCOTT
Hmm. It’s not my favorite.

KNIVES CHAU
Yeah. Well, to meet my parents.
It’s my birthday dinner.

SCOTT
Uh...I think that’s a really bad
idea. Like, really, just so bad.

KNIVES CHAU
No, it’s okay. Why?

SCOTT
Well I mean, I’m too old for you!

KNIVES CHAU
No you’re not! My Dad is nine years
older than my Mom...

SCOTT
And...and...are you even allowed to
date outside your race or whatever?

KNIVES CHAU
I don’t care. I’m in...LOVE!

Knives is so smitten, the word actually appears onscreen.

Scott brushes it away. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop.

SCOTT
Um, listen...I was thinking we
should break up or whatever.

KNIVES CHAU
Really?
56.


SCOTT
Yeah...um...it’s not going to work
out.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh...

Scott walks out, leaving Knives in the aisle.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott breaks up with Knives after realizing he's in love with Ramona
Strengths "The scene portrays the awkwardness and difficulty of breaking up with someone. The dialogue is genuine and the characters are relatable."
Weaknesses "The scene does not have a lot of action or tension. It may feel slow or uneventful to some viewers."
Critique Firstly, this scene does a good job of establishing the tension between Scott and Knives. The use of spooky music and Scott's agitation creates a sense of unease that reflects the scene's underlying conflict.

However, the dialogue feels somewhat on the nose, particularly in the way Knives locks onto the idea of Scott taking her to the concert and then immediately pivots to inviting him to her birthday dinner. This abrupt shift in topic feels a little contrived. It might have been better to establish the dinner invitation earlier in the scene.

Similarly, the way Scott rejects Knives feels a bit clumsy. While the idea of Scott being "too old" for Knives is important thematically, the way he expresses this idea feels somewhat awkward and poorly thought-out. Additionally, the dialogue about whether Knives is allowed to date outside her race feels a bit forced and out of place.

Finally, the scene ends somewhat abruptly. While it's clear that Scott has made a decision to break up with Knives, the way he delivers this news feels a bit abrupt. It might have been more effective to show a little bit more of the characters' emotional states before cutting to black.

Overall, while this scene establishes the conflict between Scott and Knives effectively, the dialogue and pacing could use a bit of tweaking to make it feel more organic.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the tension: The scene could benefit from building the tension between Scott and Knives. Rather than jumping straight into Knives asking Scott to take her to the show and then inviting him to her birthday dinner, there could be some ambiguity or hesitation on both sides before they get to those points.

2. Clarify character motivations: Scott's reason for breaking up with Knives feels a bit abrupt and unclear. It would help to have more context around why he's making this decision - is it because he's starting to have feelings for Ramona? Is he trying to protect Knives from getting too involved with him? Adding more nuance to Scott's decision would add depth to his character.

3. Utilize the setting: The record store, Sonic Boom, could be used more effectively. Perhaps there could be some music or posters in the background that hint at Scott's conflicted feelings. Or, the record store could be a point of connection between Scott and Knives that has now become a source of tension.

4. Add visual interest: The scene is mostly dialogue-based, so adding some visual elements could make it more engaging for the viewer. This could be done through camera angles, lighting, or special effects (since the scene mentions spooky music, there could be some visual cues that tie into that).



Scene 20 -  Breakup and Introduction
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
56 INT. THE BUS / RECORD STORE - DAY 56

Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Knives.
CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store, in shock.
ON THE BUS: Scott sighs, thinks of something happier...
CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading, her funky pink hair.
ON THE BUS: Scott smiles, a little happier.


57 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ BASEMENT 57

Sex Bob-Omb tune up. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.

KIM PINE
Where’s Knives? Not coming tonight?

SCOTT
Oh. No. We broke up.

Young Neil PAUSES his DS. Kim and Stills share a look.

SCOTT
OH! Check it out, I learned the
bass line from Final Fantasy 2.

Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune.

KIM PINE
Scott, you are the salt of the
earth.

SCOTT
Aw, thanks.

KIM PINE
Wait. I meant scum of the earth.

SCOTT
Aw, thanks.

YOUNG NEIL
You...you broke up with Knives?
57.


SCOTT
Yeah, but don’t worry, maybe you’ll
meet my new new girlfriend soon.

YOUNG NEIL
Newnew.

Kim mimes shooting herself. Stills unplugs Scott’s amp.

STEPHEN STILLS
Okay! From here on out, no
GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at
practice, whether they’re old, new
or new-new. We were lucky to
survive that last round. This is
sudden death now. Okay?

SCOTT
Okay!

DINGY DONG...

SCOTT
That’s for me.

Scott opens the door to see Ramona, now sporting BLUE HAIR.

SCOTT
Hey...you’re here?

RAMONA
Yes. Like you said. Is it not cool?

Scott ushers her in, weirded out by this hair development.

SCOTT
You know your hair?

RAMONA
I know of it.

SCOTT
It’s all blue.

RAMONA
Yeah. I just dyed it. Are you going
to introduce me?

SCOTT
Oh yeah, this is Stephen Stills,
Young Neil, that’s... Kim.

RAMONA
58.


Hey everyone.

Everyone mumbles back. Scott still stares at Ramona’s hair.

SCOTT
Is it weird not being pink anymore?

RAMONA
I change my hair every week and a
half, dude. Get used to it.
(to Sex-Bob-Omb)
So...uh...how do you guys all know
each other?

YOUNG NEIL
High school, I guess?

STEPHEN STILLS
What Neil said.

YOUNG NEIL
I’m Neil.

KIM PINE
Believe it or not, I actually dated
Scott in high school.

RAMONA
Got any embarrassing stories?

KIM PINE
Yeah. He’s an idiot.

Scott fake laughs. Starts ushering Ramona out again.

SCOTT
Okay. Cool. See you guys tomorrow.

STEPHEN STILLS
Uh, what about rehearsal?

SCOTT
Neil knows my parts.

YOUNG NEIL
(to Stills)
I’m Neil.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Scott reflects on his breakup with Knives while Ramona introduces herself to the band.
Strengths "The introduction of a new character adds an interesting dynamic to the group, and there is a humorous moment when Kim confuses Scott for the 'scum of the earth'."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks a clear conflict or emotional impact."
Critique This scene does a good job of quickly establishing the emotional state of the characters and their relationships with each other. The crosscutting between Scott and Knives/Ramona helps to build tension and keep the scene visually interesting. However, the dialogue feels a bit contrived in places, particularly with Kim's sudden shift from asking about Knives to complimenting Scott. Additionally, the use of video game music as the bass line feels a bit on-the-nose. Despite these minor issues, the scene effectively sets up the tension and conflicts that will drive the rest of the story.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene could benefit from clearer establishing shots to orient the viewer in the different locations. Additionally, the crosscutting between Scott on the bus and Knives in the record store feels disjointed, and could be tightened up or restructured to create a stronger connection between the two characters.

The scene in Stephen Stills' basement is well written and provides some humor and character development, but could be enhanced with more visual interest and dynamic blocking. The dialogue could also be revised to better develop the relationships between the characters and propel the plot forward.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more attention to visual storytelling, pacing, and character development.



Scene 21 -  Garlic Bread and Haircuts
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
58 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 58
59.


Ramona lounges, reading a magazine. A tense Scott hurries
around the kitchen area, preparing food as Wallace looks
on.

WALLACE
Are you doing okay there?

SCOTT
Yeah, good. Good.

Ramona goes to the bathroom. Scott drops the act.

SCOTT
She changed her hair.

WALLACE
So? It looks nice blue.

SCOTT
I know, but she changed it without
even making a big deal about it.
She’s spontaneous. Impulsive.
Fickle. Oh my god, what do I do?

WALLACE
I can’t believe you were worried
about me gaying up the place.

Ramona returns. Wallace pulls on a jacket.

RAMONA
How’s dinner coming along?

SCOTT
Yeah, good. Good.

WALLACE
I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. I’m
heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my
hetero crush.

Scott stops Wallace at the door, with a panicked whisper.

SCOTT
Don’t go.

WALLACE
Will you man the hell up? You could
get to 2nd and a half base.

SCOTT
You think so?
60.


WALLACE
Well, if you strike out in the next
hour, come find me at the Castle.

SCOTT
’If I strike out’?

WALLACE
Okay, ’when’. See you in sixty.

’15 MINUTES LATER’ Ramona and Scott eat on the floor,
picnic style. Scott has cooked garlic bread (and only
garlic bread) for dinner.

RAMONA
This is actually really good garlic
bread.

SCOTT
Garlic bread is my favorite food. I
could honestly eat it for every
meal. Or just all the time without
even stopping.

RAMONA
You’d get fat.

SCOTT
No. Why would I get fat?

RAMONA
Bread makes you fat.

SCOTT
Bread makes you FAT??

’15 MINUTES LATER’ A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his
bass guitar.

SCOTT
So I wrote a song about you.

RAMONA
Oh yeah?

SCOTT
Yeah, it goes like this: Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ooooh.

RAMONA
I can’t wait to hear it when it’s
finished.
61.


SCOTT
Finished?

’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott makes out with Ramona on the
futon.

Scott smiles as she runs her hands through his hair.

RAMONA
Your hair’s pretty shaggy.

SCOTT
OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON’T I?!?

Scott sits up like a shot. Ramona is taken aback.

RAMONA
What?

SCOTT
Ha. No, sorry. It’s just that I
got... I got a bad haircut right
before me and my big ex broke up.
But it’s so long ago, I can barely
remember it...

A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. Earl Jones deep.

NARRATOR
Scott is acutely aware that his
last salon haircut took place
exactly 431 days ago, three hours
before his big breakup. He blames
this largely on the haircut and has
been cutting his own hair ever
since.

RAMONA
Sounds like a bad time.

SCOTT
Not really.

NARRATOR
It was.

SCOTT
It was a mutual thing.

NARRATOR
It wasn’t.

SCOTT
62.


I mean, she told me it was mutual.

NARRATOR
She dumped him. It was brutal.

RAMONA
What was her name?

SCOTT
She was Nat when I knew her. But
she stopped liking that name.
Then...she stopped liking me...

RAMONA
Your hair is cute. I like it long.

SCOTT
But it’d be cuter short! Wouldn’t
it?!

Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears, now wearing
his dorky SNOW HAT, hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps.

RAMONA
What? Why are you wearing that?

SCOTT
I thought we could go for a walk.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Scott prepares dinner for Ramona, while Wallace offers sarcastic commentary. Ramona reveals Scott's exes are out to get him. Scott reflects on his failed past relationships, but ends up making out with Ramona on the futon.
Strengths "Whimsical dialogue, strong character development, entertaining banter between Wallace and Scott."
Weaknesses "Low conflict level, lack of plot progression."
Critique Overall, the scene does a good job of developing the characters of Scott and Ramona and their dynamic, as well as including some humor. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, the scene could benefit from more specific and descriptive action lines. For example, instead of "Ramona goes to the bathroom," the scene could show her standing up and walking towards the bathroom, conveying more visual information. Additionally, instead of simply saying "Scott drops the act," the scene could show him visibly tensing up or letting out a sigh of relief.

Second, the dialogue could be tightened up in some places. For instance, the exchange where Scott frets over Ramona's impulsive hair change could be condensed into a shorter, snappier exchange. Also, the repetition of "good. Good." when Wallace asks about dinner could be cut down or rewritten to vary the wording.

Finally, the use of the narrator as a device could be toned down. While the narrator adds some humor and insight, it can also become distracting and take away from the immediacy of the scene. Overall, the narrator could be used more sparingly or eliminated altogether.

Overall, the scene establishes a good rapport between the characters and effectively balances humor and character development. With some tightening up of the dialogue and action lines, it could be an even stronger, more engaging scene.
Suggestions The scene is overall well-written with natural dialogue and good pacing. However, here are a few suggestions to further improve it:

- Make the stakes clearer: While there is tension between Scott and Ramona, it's not entirely clear why he's so nervous around her. Perhaps adding a line or two about why he's so enamored with her or why he feels like he needs to impress her would help raise the stakes and build tension.
- Use visuals: In a scene that's mainly made up of dialogue, using visuals can help make it more interesting. Instead of just having Ramona and Scott eat on the floor, show them laying on a blanket or even having a picnic in the living room. This can help add texture to the scene and make it more visually interesting.
- Trim some of the fat: While the scene is well-paced, there are a few moments that could be trimmed to keep it moving. For instance, the "15 MINUTES LATER" transitions at the end of each beat aren't necessarily needed and can slow the scene down.
- Add more conflict: This scene could benefit from more conflict or obstacles for the characters to overcome. Perhaps Scott's nerves get the better of him and he accidentally spills the food everywhere or Ramona's phone keeps buzzing with texts from another guy. These obstacles can help heighten the tension and make the scene more engaging.



Scene 22 -  The Magical Castle
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
59 EXT. ENDLESS STAIRWAY - NIGHT 59

’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY, long
handrail between them.

RAMONA
Tell me we didn’t come out here
just so you could cover your hair
with that hat.

SCOTT
Nooo. I just love me some walking.
Putting one leg in front of the
other.

RAMONA
You seem a little...heightened.

SCOTT
63.


Yeah. I don’t know. I just, when
I’m with you I feel like I’m on
drugs. Not that I do drugs, unless
you do, in which case I do drugs
all the time, every drug, but...you
make me feel...I don’t know. Things
seem a little brighter around you
or something.

Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and
NIGHT TURNS TO DAY, as if crossing a magical line.

RAMONA
What is this place?

SCOTT
A totally awesome castle. They’re
shooting this movie up here.

Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA, a castle
surrounded by big, bright movie set lights.

RAMONA
Who’s in it?

SCOTT
Winifred Hailey and some actor guy.

RAMONA
Oh, who?

SCOTT
I forget. Let’s find out.
Genres: ["romance","comedy"]

Summary Scott and Ramona climb a staircase to a castle set where they discover a movie is being filmed. Ramona questions Scott about his drug use. The two find out who is in the movie.
Strengths "The witty dialogue and quirky tone bring charm to the scene. The revelation of the movie set adds an unexpected twist to the story."
Weaknesses "The lack of conflict or emotional depth could make the scene forgettable."
Critique Overall, this scene feels a bit disjointed and lacking in direction or purpose. The dialogue between Scott and Ramona is somewhat meandering and doesn't have a clear goal, and the sudden shift from night to day feels jarring and arbitrary. Additionally, the introduction of the castle and the movie being shot there feels like it comes out of nowhere and doesn't add much to the scene's overall impact.

To improve this scene, it would be helpful to establish a clearer purpose or motivation for the characters' conversation. What do they want from each other in this moment? Is there a conflict or tension that needs to be resolved? Additionally, the shift from night to day could benefit from some more descriptive language or imagery to better establish the tone of the moment. Finally, the introduction of the castle and the movie being shot there could be foreshadowed or more organically integrated into the scene to make it feel less like a random plot point.
Suggestions Overall, the scene feels a bit stagnant and lacking in conflict or tension. Here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Increase the stakes of their conversation: Right now, Ramona and Scott are just chatting about nothing in particular. It would be more interesting if they were discussing something that had more emotional weight or that revealed something about their characters.

2. Add more sensory details: The setting of the endless stairway could be described in more detail to make it feel more immersive. What does it smell like? Are there any ominous sounds in the distance?

3. Introduce some conflict: Right now, Ramona and Scott are getting along perfectly well. Introducing a point of disagreement or tension between them would make the conversation more dynamic.

4. Use visual language: Films are a visual medium, so it's important to use descriptive language that will translate well to the screen. Instead of just saying they're climbing stairs, describe how they're moving and what the setting looks like.

5. Give the scene a clearer purpose: Right now, it's not entirely clear why this scene is important to the overall story. Adding in some plot development or character development would give the scene more significance.



Scene 23 -  Lucas Lee's Movie Set
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
60 EXT. CASA LOMA - CONTINUOUS 60

A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by
some GOON. A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man.

Scott and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS, including
Wallace.

RAMONA
Did you find the guy you’re
stalking?

WALLACE
I think I’m about to right now.

FIRST A.D.
Mr. Lee is travelling!
64.


RAMONA
Mr. Lee?

WALLACE
Lucas Lee.

RAMONA
Ooh.

SCOTT
Ooh?

The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he
exits his trailer, smoking a cigarette (blacked out). He
skates towards the set, doing kickflips. The spectators go
’oooh’.

WALLACE
I want to have his adopted babies.

RAMONA
Oh, man. We gotta go.

SCOTT
What? Why?

RAMONA
I used to date that clown.

WALLACE
Slut.

RAMONA
Wallace. I am not a slut.

WALLACE
I can think of no higher accolade.

Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode.

LUCAS LEE
Action.

Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON.

SCOTT
Oh...my...God...

LUCAS LEE
Hey. The only thing keeping me and
her apart is the two minutes it’s
gonna take to kick your ass.
65.


SCOTT
...you dated a FAMOUS guy?!

RAMONA
In 9th grade. We had drama.
Actually, it might have been math.
I just remember there being lots of
drama.

LUCAS LEE
HEY!!!

Lucas Lee points at Scott, who remains oblivious.

RAMONA
He just followed me around. He was
a little snot nosed brat.

SCOTT
He had snot? In his nose? But he’s
famous!

LUCAS LEE
HEY!!!

RAMONA
It’s not a big deal. I only dated
him for a week and a half-

LUCAS LEE
I’m talking to you Scott Pilgrim!

Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott, who gasps.

SCOTT
He’s famous and he talked to me!

LUCAS LEE
The only thing keeping me and her
apart is the two minutes it’s gonna
take to kick your ass!

SCOTT
Can I get-

POW! Lucas Lee punches Scott, flooring him. Scott comes
back up with a pen and paper, wobbly.

SCOTT
Can I get your autograph?

POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He nods to Ramona.
66.


LUCAS LEE
Sup. How’s life? He seems nice.

Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret, crumbling
it. Scott CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set.

Lucas holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo, then
stomps over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground.

WALLACE
Scott. Evil ex. Fight.

LUCAS LEE
Think you stand a chance against an
A-lister, bro?

Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He slides across the wet-
down ground. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas’ knuckles with
antiseptic.

LUCAS LEE
Some competish you are.

Lucas Lee wanders off. Scott staggers to his feet, punchy.

SCOTT
Hey... hey... hey! I’m not done-

Scott spins Lucas around, only to find an identical STAND
IN!

LUCAS LEE (O.S.)
Looks like you’re seeing double.

Scott turns to see the real Lucas, smirking on the
sidelines. POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the
ground.

LUCAS LEE
He’s good, right? Sometimes I let
him do wide shots if I feel like
getting blazed back in my winnie.

Scott stands to fight the double. Suddenly, COUNTLESS
STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN, all identically
dressed, all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble.

LUCAS LEE
I’m nothing without my stunt team.

The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl. Scott
PUNCHES through a couple of the boards, Tae Kwon Doe style.
67.


WALLACE
Ask them how it feels to always get
his sloppy seconds!

SCOTT
How does it feel to-

KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face, followed by a
barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and
ribs.

LUCAS LEE
I’m gonna get coffee. You homies
want anything?

We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. We hear
the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to
nothing.

SCOTT (O.S.)
Mr. Lee?

Lucas turns, shocked to see Scott, in front of a PAINTED 2-
D SKYLINE BACKDROP, surrounded by many unconscious
stuntmen.

SCOTT
You’re needed back on set.

Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK. Lucas
GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop. RRRIP!

Scott lands in a CRUMP, framed through the torn skyline.

Lucas stomps over to him, preparing for the deathblow.

LUCAS LEE
Prepare... prepare to feel the
wrath of the League of Evil Exes!

SCOTT
The League of Evil Axes?

LUCAS LEE
You really don’t know about the
"The League"?

SCOTT
Ummm...

LUCAS LEE
68.


Seven evil exes? Coming to kill
you? Controlling the future of
Ramona’s love life?

SCOTT
...no.

LUCAS LEE
Oh, well then don’t worry about it.

SCOTT
Really?

LUCAS LEE
Yeah, bro. Let’s get a beer.

Lucas offers a hand. Scott goes to shake it. POW! Lucas
gets him square in the mouth. Scott smiles through his
aching jaw.

SCOTT
You are a pretty good actor.

LUCAS LEE
I’m going for the Oscar this year.

SCOTT
But are you a pretty good skater?

LUCAS LEE
I’m more than pretty good, ese. I
have my own skate company.

Lucas pulls down his shirt, revealing a skate company
tattoo.

SCOTT
So you can sell them, but can you
do a thingy on that rail?

Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs.

LUCAS LEE
It’s called a grind, bro.

SCOTT
So can you do a grind thingy now?

LUCAS LEE
Are you serious? There’s like 200
steps and the rails are garbage.

SCOTT
69.


Hey, if it’s too hardcore...

LUCAS LEE
You really think you can goad me
into doing a trick like that?

SCOTT
There’s girls watching.

LUCAS LEE
Somebody get me my board.

Wallace taps Lucas’ shoulder and hands him his skateboard.

WALLACE
Hi. Big fan.

LUCAS LEE
Why wouldn’t you be?

CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT, a perfect ollie onto the rail.

Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight,
sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL...HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... Cut
back to Scott & Wallace, impressed at Lucas.

SCOTT
Wow.

HSSSSSSSSS...

Cut back to Scott & Wallace, very impressed at Lucas.

SCOTT
Wow.

HSSSSSSSSS...

Cut back to Scott & Wallace. Scott’s about to say ’wow’
when- BOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the
stairs.

WALLACE
Wow, he totally bailed.

SCOTT
Yes!

Fist bump. Scott smacks his forehead.

SCOTT
I didn’t get his autograph.
70.


FIRST A.D.
Uh...that’s a wrap everybody.

SCOTT
Where’s Ramona? Is she still here?

WALLACE
No, she totally bailed.

SCOTT
What’s the deal? Seriously.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott and Ramona stumble upon the making of a movie, where they run into one of Ramona's exes, Lucas Lee, a famous action star. Lucas challenges Scott to a fight, revealing that he is one of Ramona's evil exes. Despite being overpowered by Lucas and his stuntmen, Scott ultimately defeats him and learns about the mysterious League of Evil Exes. Ramona is nowhere to be found.
Strengths "The humor and action balance well with the brief moments of romance. The introduction of the League of Evil Exes adds a new layer of intrigue to the plot."
Weaknesses "Some of the humor can be seen as juvenile, and the scene feels slightly disconnected from the main plot."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, with good pacing and comedic moments. The dialogue between the characters feels natural and authentic, and the action is clear and easy to follow.

One area that could be improved upon is the exposition surrounding the League of Evil Exes. While the scene does a good job of introducing the concept as a potential plot point, it could benefit from a bit more clarity and explanation as to what it is and why it's important. This could be achieved through additional dialogue or visual cues.

Another area for improvement might be more development of the character of Winifred Hailey. While she is ostensibly the reason for the scene being shot, she doesn't actually appear or have any lines, which makes it difficult to care about her plight or understand her importance to the story.

Overall, however, this is a strong and entertaining scene that does a good job of setting up plot and character development in a visually engaging way.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well paced and engaging, with humor and action mixed in. However, here are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Add more visual description: While the action and dialogue are clear, adding more visual description can help the scene come to life even more. For example, describe the setting more, the specific movements of the characters, and how the spectators are reacting.

2. Clarify the stakes: While it's clear that Lucas Lee is an evil ex, it's not entirely clear why he's so dangerous or what specifically is at stake with him. Adding more information about the League of Evil Exes and their ultimate goal can make the conflict feel more high-stakes and urgent.

3. Develop Ramona's character further: Ramona is a bit sidelined in this scene - while her history with Lucas Lee is mentioned, she doesn't have much dialogue or action. Consider giving her a bit more agency and personality, and showing how she specifically feels about seeing Lucas again.

4. Use more specific language: While the dialogue is generally strong, some of the language could be more specific and character-driven. One example is when Scott says "Wow" repeatedly - this could be replaced with a more specific reaction that tells us more about how he's feeling.

By incorporating these suggestions, the scene can become even more engaging and memorable.



Scene 24 -  Breakup Reflections
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
61 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - DAY 61

Scott slumps on the couch, phone pressed to his ear.
Wallace cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). We hear the
OUTGOING MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging
system. RAMONA is not available, please record your message
after the beep.

SCOTT
Hey. It’s me, Scott again. Call me
back. Scott Pilgrim.
(hangs up)
What’s the deal? Seriously.

Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it.

WALLACE
Yeah, you said that last night.

SCOTT
You know what really sucks though?

WALLACE
What?

SCOTT
Everything!

WALLACE
Come on guy, you can’t say you
didn’t see this coming. It was
right under your nose.

Wallace points to the NOTE Ramona scribbled which is pinned
literally under Scott’s nose on the refrigerator: RAMONA
FLOWERS, 212 664-7665, xxxxxxx

WALLACE
What did you think these were?
71.


SCOTT
Kisses? Seven little kisses?

WALLACE
Seven deadly X’s.

Wallace cocks an eyebrow. Scott slides to the floor.

SCOTT
Why does everything have to be so
complicated?

Wallace crouches down to join Scott on the floor.

WALLACE
If you want something bad, you have
to fight for it. Step up your game.
Break out the L-word.

SCOTT
Lesbian?

WALLACE
The other L-word.

SCOTT
Lesbians?

WALLACE
Okay, it’s ’love’. I wasn’t trying
to trick you or anything. Look, if
she’s really the girl of your
dreams, then you have to let her
know. You have to overcome any and
all obstacles that lie in your
path. You have the spirit of a
warrior, Scott. You can do it! Be
with her! It’s your destiny!
(beat)
Plus, I need you to move out.

Scott’s face falls, completely shocked at this bombshell.

SCOTT
What? Why? Are you moving in with
Other Scott or Jimmy or someone?

WALLACE
Or someone. Either way, I’m kind of
banking on her calling you back so
I won’t have to evict you and feel
all guilty and shit.
72.


RINGY RING. Scott and Wallace look at the phone.

WALLACE
I have a feeling that’s for you,
guy.

Scott picks up. A SEXY, NON-RAMONA VOICE REPLIES...

VOICE (O.S.)
Hey Scott.

SCOTT
...Envy?

WALLACE
Oh, shit.

ENVY (O.S.)
It’s been a long time.

SCOTT
Yeah.

ENVY (O.S.)
A year I think?

SCOTT
Approximately.

ENVY (O.S.)
How are you?

SCOTT
I’m not doing so good right now.

ENVY (O.S.)
That’s too bad. Still breaking
hearts?

SCOTT
What? No, stop. I’ve been-it’s been
different. You have no idea.

ENVY (O.S.)
Probably not. Do you have a
girlfriend? Should I be jealous?

SCOTT
Yes, you should. I have this
totally awesome girlfriend who
calls me all the time. And she’s
America. Uh. She’s American.
73.


ENVY (O.S.)
What’s her name?

SCOTT
I’m not telling you that. Ramona.

ENVY (O.S.)
Oh.

SCOTT
What? Do you know her?

ENVY (O.S.)
Uh. No.

SCOTT
It sounded like you did.

ENVY (O.S.)
I gotta go. Nice chatting with you.

SCOTT
WAIT-

CLICK...Scott slumps to the floor. Wallace appears over
him.

WALLACE
Okay. Everything does suck.

Scott grunts. RINGY RING. Wallace grins and grabs the
phone.

WALLACE
Or does it?

Scott sits bolt upright, expectant.

WALLACE
Oh, hey Knives.

Scott lays back down. FUCK.

WALLACE
What’s that? You’re outside?

Scott sits bolt upright again. FUCK! Wallace opens the door
a crack. Knives shivers outside, pale and broken looking.

KNIVES CHAU
Is Scott here?
74.


WALLACE
You know what?

Behind Wallace, we see Scott LEAP through a window head
first. GLASS SMASHES.

WALLACE
He just left.

Knives sighs. Scott sprints away in the background.
Genres: ["comedy","romance"]

Summary Scott reflects on his recent breakup with Knives and receives advice from Wallace on how to win over Ramona. Envy calls and Scott lies about having a girlfriend. Knives shows up at the apartment looking for Scott.
Strengths "Humorous and natural dialogue, good character development for Scott and Wallace."
Weaknesses "Not much in the way of plot or emotional depth."
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of establishing the main character, Scott, and his current emotional state. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The dialogue between Scott and Wallace feels a bit on-the-nose and exposition-heavy at times. For example, when Wallace points out the note on the fridge, it feels almost too obvious. Consider finding ways to convey information more subtly through action or subtext instead of dialogue.

- The scene could benefit from some more visual interest. As written, it's primarily two characters talking in one location. Think about how you can use the setting or camera angles to add more visual dynamics to the scene.

- The pacing of the scene could be tightened up. There are a few moments where the characters repeat information or pause for a beat too long. Consider trimming down the dialogue so that the scene moves along more quickly.

Overall, though, there's a strong foundation here. With a few tweaks, this scene could be even more engaging and effective in setting up the story.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and entertaining, but here are a few suggestions to make it stronger:

1. Develop the emotional stakes: Scott's emotional state is crucial to the scene's impact, so it would help to dive deeper into his feelings. Perhaps he could express more clearly why he feels hurt or frustrated by Ramona's lack of response, and what's at stake for him if he doesn't hear back from her. This would add more urgency to the scene and make the audience care more about what happens next.

2. Add more conflict: While Wallace is a funny and supportive character, his relationship with Scott is mostly harmonious in this scene. To make things more interesting, it could be helpful to introduce some tension between them. Perhaps Wallace could challenge Scott in some way, or disagree with his approach to Ramona. This would add more depth to their dynamic and keep the audience engaged.

3. Show, don't tell: While the Seven Deadly X's bit is clever, it's also a bit of a "telling" moment. It might be more impactful if there were a visual or physical element to demonstrate the danger that Ramona's exes pose. This could be done through a flashback or a brief montage of some kind.

4. Increase the physical humor: The scene already has some great physical comedy moments (Scott sliding to the floor, smashing through the window), but there's always room for more. Look for opportunities to use the space in interesting ways, and to make use of small props or objects in the scene.

Overall, this is a strong scene that sets up important character and plot developments. With a few tweaks, it could be even more dynamic and memorable.



Scene 25 -  Mystery Attacker
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
62 EXT. STREET - DAY 62

Scott walks fast down the street, freaked out and paranoid.

He sees five ’X’s looming above him on a pedestrian
crossing and quickly diverts into an...


63 EXT. ALLEY - DAY 63

Scott rips the ’X-Men’ patch off his jacket, when-WHZZZ -
SOMETHING buzzes past Scott. He looks around.

SCOTT
Dude.

WHOOSH - another blast of air whizzes by.

SCOTT
Please.

SHFFF - SOMETHING sweeps him off his feet. He’s pissed now.

SCOTT
I’m really not in the mood.

SHWAA - SOMETHING slices the air in front of Scott.

SCOTT
Okay, enough!

Scott punches the air in front of him. Hits SOMETHING. A
DIMINUTIVE DIRTY BLONDE dressed in a punk rock kung fu get
up lands on the ground with a thump. She spins to face
Scott.

MYSTERY ATTACKER
You punched me in the boob. Prepare
to die, obviously.
75.


SCOTT
Listen, I’ve had it today. Can we
not do this right now?

ALT #1:

MYSTERY ATTACKER
(Dixieland accent)
Love to postpone, darlin’, but I
just cashed my last raincheck.

SCOTT
What’s that from?

MYSTERY ATTACKER
(own voice)
My brain!

SCOTT
Well whatever this is about, can it
wait till I’m in the right frame of
mind?

ALT #2:

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Nuh uh. This is one nightmare you
can’t wake up from.

SCOTT
Wait, am I asleep right now?

MYSTERY ATTACKER
No.

SCOTT
So, technically this is not a
nightmare.

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Right.

SCOTT
So how can I not wake up? If I’m
not actually asleep.

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Don’t question me!

Scott shakes his head, baffled.

SCOTT
76.


Well, I’m really, really not up for
this. Whatever it is.

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Okay little chicken, then I’ll see
you later. But you won’t see me.
Because I’ll be deadly serious next
time.

SCOTT
What?

MYSTERY ATTACKER
Nevermind!

PAF - the Mystery Attacker vanishes. Scott looks to the
sky.

SCOTT
Oh man. Someone help me.


64 EXT. BLOOR STREET - DAY 64

Scott is in his usual payphone, dialing Stacey frantically.

SCOTT
It’s Scott.

STACEY (O.S.)
What did he do this time?

SCOTT
No, it’s Scott. It’s actually me.

STACEY (O.S.)
What did you do this time?

SCOTT
I didn’t do anything. It’s everyone
else that’s crazy. Look I need to
talk to you, I’m having a meltdown
or whatever. Are you still working?

STACEY (O.S.)
I’m literally about to leave.

SCOTT
Cool, I’m coming in.

Scott hangs up the phone and walks two steps into-
77.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Scott is attacked by a mysterious assailant and seeks help from Stacey.
Strengths "Frantic tone and fast-paced action keep the scene engaging"
Weaknesses "The dialogue between Scott and the Mystery Attacker feels forced and awkward"
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would commend the scene for its clear visual descriptions and dialogue that effectively convey Scott's sense of anxiety. The use of sound descriptions like "WHZZZ" and "SHWAA" adds an extra layer of tension. The introduction of the Mystery Attacker is also an intriguing addition, adding an element of mystery to the story.

However, I would suggest exploring more character development for both Scott and the Mystery Attacker. It may also be helpful to clarify the purpose of the scene and how it fits into the larger story. Overall, a promising scene with potential for further development.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions that could improve this scene:

1. Clarify the details of the "Mystery Attacker." It's unclear what this character's motivations are and why they are attacking Scott. Adding more information about who they are and why they are pursuing Scott would make the scene more engaging and suspenseful.

2. Develop Scott's character more. Right now, he seems reactive and passive. Giving him more agency and motivation would make him more compelling to watch.

3. Use more visual description. The scene relies heavily on dialogue, which can slow down the pace and make it feel less cinematic. Adding more visual details and action would make the scene more active and engaging.

4. Consider the overall tone of the scene and how it fits into the larger story. Right now, it feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the plot and doesn't contribute much to the overall narrative. Finding ways to tie it more tightly to the main storyline and thematic concerns of the script would make it more impactful.



Scene 26 -  Envy and Julie
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 10
65 INT. THE SECOND CUP - CONTINUOUS 65

Scott approaches the counter. Stacey has her back turned.

SCOTT
Think I’ll make it a decaf today.

Stacey turns around, revealing herself to be JULIE!

JULIE
SCOTT PILGRIM!

SCOTT
AH! What did you do with my sister?

Stacey taps on the window outside, mouthing that she has to
go. Scott turns back to Julie, not happy.

JULIE
What can I fucking get you?

SCOTT
Is there anywhere you don’t work?

JULIE
They’re called ’jobs’, something a
fuckball like you wouldn’t know
anything about. And by the way, I
can’t believe you fucking asked
Ramona out after I specifically
told you not to fucking do that!
(Note to concerned
reader: Everytime Julie
says "FUCK", a black bar
comes out of her mouth
and the sound is
bleeped.)

SCOTT
How do you do that with your mouth?

JULIE
Neverfuckingmind how I do it! What
do you have to say for yourself?

SCOTT
Uh. Can I get a caramel macchiato?

JULIE
Maybe it’s high fucking time you
took a look in a mirror before you
wreak havoc on another girl.
78.


SCOTT
Me? Wreak havoc?

Julie points at THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD poster behind the
counter with concert dates at the bottom.

JULIE
Fucking speaking of fucking which,
I hear the girl that kicked your
heart in the ass is walking the
streets of Toronto again.

SCOTT
So I can pick up my coffee over
here?

Scott retreats away from Julie and bumps right into...
RAMONA. They share an awkward moment. She looks at the
floor.

RAMONA
Sorry that got a little crazy last
night.

SCOTT
Yeah. You kind of disappeared.

RAMONA
Yeah, I do that. Listen, I know
it’s hard to be around me
sometimes. I’ll understand if you
don’t want to hang anymore.

SCOTT
No. No, I want to hang. The whole
evil ex-boyfriend thing. No biggie.

RAMONA
Exes.

SCOTT
I mean, I know it’s early days, but
I don’t think anything can really
get in the way of how I SHIT!

Scott hides behind Ramona as a lithe figure emerges from
the steamed-milk mists of the coffee shop...the singer from
THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD has seemingly stepped out of the
poster.

"ENVY ADAMS, 23, FUN FACT: KICKED SCOTT’S HEART IN THE
ASS."
79.


The icy, platinum blonde fashionista walks towards Scott.

SCOTT
It’s my ex.

RAMONA
The big one?

Scott nods. LEONE STAREDOWN between Envy and Ramona.

RAMONA
I’m gonna...excuse me.

Ramona goes to order coffee, leaving Envy to fix on Scott.

ENVY
Your hair is getting shaggy.

REVERSE: Scott is instantly wearing his DORKY HAT.

SCOTT
Yeah?

ENVY
So. That’s Ramona?

SCOTT
Yeah.

ENVY
Okay. I’m jealous.

SCOTT
YOU’RE jealous?

ENVY
I’m allowed.

SCOTT
You left me! For that cocky pretty
boy!

ENVY
You’ve never even seen him.

SCOTT
Yeah. I know. You left me for a guy
I’ve never even seen.

ENVY
80.


Maybe you’ll see him soon. We’re
playing Lee’s Palace. You guys
should like, so totally come.

SCOTT
That’s so not going to happen.

ENVY
Great. You’re so on the list.

Envy disappears into the cappuccino mists. Ramona returns.

JULIE
Caramel Fuckiato for fuck Pilgrim!

SCOTT
(to Ramona)
It’s proounced ’Scott’.
Genres: ["comedy","romance"]

Summary Scott has an awkward encounter with his ex, Envy, while ordering coffee from his sister's friend, Julie. Ramona tries to make peace with Scott and offers an excuse for disappearing the night before. Envy invites Scott and Ramona to her band's concert.
Strengths "The witty dialogue and dynamics between the characters are entertaining."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks higher stakes and major plot developments."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I don't have the expertise to determine if a scene is well-written or not. However, I can provide some general feedback based on standard screenwriting practices.

First, the scene seems to be well-structured, with clear character introductions and conflicts established early on. The dialogue is also distinct, with each character having their own voice and language style. The profanity used by Julie adds a layer of humor but may not be suitable for all audiences.

However, there are a few things that could be improved. The action lines could be more concise and focused, reducing the clutter and making it easier to read. Also, the transition from the Julie-Scott conversation to the Ramona-Scott conversation is abrupt and could be smoother.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some editing and refinement.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Cut the profanity: While the use of profanity can add a gritty realism to a scene, it can also become distracting if overused. Consider toning it down a bit, or finding other ways to convey strong emotions without resorting to curse words.

2. Add more subtext: There are a lot of surface-level conflicts happening in this scene between Scott, Julie, and Envy. However, it would be more interesting if there were some deeper underlying tensions at play. For example, maybe Scott is secretly attracted to Julie, or maybe Ramona has some history with Envy.

3. Vary the dialogue: Right now, the characters all sound pretty similar in terms of their speaking style and vocabulary. To make each character feel distinct, try giving them each a unique verbal tic, catchphrase, or way of speaking.

4. Show, don’t tell: Finally, there's a lot of exposition happening in this scene, with characters directly stating their feelings and motivations. Consider finding ways to convey this information more subtly, through actions, body language, or visual cues.



Scene 27 -  Moving On and Opening Up for Business
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
66 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 66

Scott and Ramona walk side by side, sipping their coffees.

RAMONA
So...that was Nat?

SCOTT
No, that was Envy.

RAMONA
So...what did you guys talk about?

SCOTT
She’s totally jealous of you.

RAMONA
Envy’s jealous? How about that?

SCOTT
Yeah. How. About. That.

RAMONA
What happened with the two of you?

SCOTT
Do you mind if we don’t get into
that right now?
(beat)
She wanted to move to Montreal
because she missed her best friend.
This guy Todd.
81.


RAMONA
And two weeks later, you heard they
were sleeping together I guess?

SCOTT
Basically.

RAMONA
I dated a Todd once. That didn’t
end well either.

SCOTT
I can see how it sucks. Having the
past come back to haunt you.

RAMONA
Is it wrong that I try not to think
about it?

SCOTT
What do you want to think about?

RAMONA
How warm my place is right now.

Ramona stops and kisses him.


67 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 67

Scott lies between Wallace and Other Scott on the futon.

OTHER SCOTT
And you didn’t bang her? Are you
gay?

SCOTT
I couldn’t stop thinking about my
stupid ex-girlfriend.

A bleary Jimmy sits up between them all.

JIMMY
Is that the Uma Thurman movie?

WALLACE
Scott. Just because Envy’s back in
town doesn’t make it not over.

SCOTT
Double negative. Tricky.

OTHER SCOTT
82.


It’s over. Move on.

WALLACE
Word.

JIMMY
Mm.

Scott stands (no pants). Music swells.

SCOTT
Right. I’m not gonna let her toy
with me. From this moment on, I
will think of Envy Adams no more!


68 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 68

STEPHEN STILLS
I have distressing news.

A deadly serious Stephen Stills addresses Kim, Scott and
Young Neil. Ramona lounges on the couch...

KIM PINE
Is the news that we suck? Because I
really don’t think I can take it.

STEPHEN STILLS
No. The Clash At Demonhead are
doing a secret show tomorrow night.
And Envy asked us to open for them.

SCOTT
I hate you.

STEPHEN STILLS
A gig is a gig is a gig. Is a gig.
Maybe you can put your history
aside until we get through this
thing. You know, for the band? For
the band. For the band?

SCOTT
Can’t we do our own secret shows?

KIM PINE
All our shows are secret shows.

STEPHEN STILLS
83.


We’re doing it. G-man might be
there! We play the next round of
the battle Saturday. We need to get
some buzz going. We need
groundswell. We need stalkers.

Stills paces past the window to reveal...KNIVES CHAU
OUTSIDE. CRASH ZOOM on her tearful face, pressed against
the window. TOTALLY CRUSHED to see Scott cuddling with
Ramona.

SCOTT
What would you do? If your ex was
in a band and they wanted you to
open for them?

RAMONA
If my ex was in the band?

SCOTT
Yeah.

RAMONA
It might be a little awkward. But
maybe it’s the grown up thing to
do.

SCOTT
Yeah, we’re all adults right?


69 INT. DRUG SMART - EVENING 69

KNIVES frantically rifles through racks of hair dye and
rants furiously into her cellphone.

KNIVES CHAU
He’s dating a fat-ass hipster
chick! I hate his stupid guts! I’m
gonna disembowel him!


70 INT. KNIVES’ BEDROOM - EVENING 70

Knives stands on her bed and continues ranting at Tamara.

KNIVES CHAU
He only likes her cause she’s old!
She’s probably like 25! She’s just
some fat-ass white girl, you know?

TAMARA
I think you mentioned she was fa-
84.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Action"]

Summary Scott and Ramona discuss their exes, Wallace offers some advice, the band gets a gig but it comes with strings attached, and Knives is heartbroken.
Strengths "The scene showcases the range of emotions and relationships between the characters, offering a mix of humor and heartbreak. There is strong dialogue throughout the scene that helps develop the characters and progress the plot."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't have any major action sequences or overt conflict. Some may find the scene slow-paced or uneventful."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and serves the purpose of advancing the plot and character development. The dialogue is believable and moves the story forward.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. First, there is some repetition in the dialogue about Envy being jealous and the past coming back to haunt you. This could be condensed to avoid redundancy.

Second, the transition between Scott and Ramona walking and the scene in Wallace's apartment feels abrupt and could benefit from a better transition.

Finally, while the dialogue in the scene is good, some of the action descriptions feel unnecessary and could be cut to improve pacing and flow.

Overall, the scene does its job, but there are some areas where improvement could be made.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to make the dialogue more concise and focused, as it currently feels a bit meandering and aimless. Additionally, some more visual descriptions could help break up the back-and-forth dialogue and add more depth to the scene. For example, describing the setting and the characters' body language could help create a stronger sense of mood and atmosphere. Finally, consider raising the stakes of the scene by adding more conflict or tension, such as Knives overhearing Scott and Ramona's conversation or Envy revealing a more sinister motive for asking the band to open for her.



Scene 28 -  Knives plots to win back Scott
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
71 INT. KNIVES’ BATHROOM - EVENING 71

Tamara helps Knives color her hair under the bathtub
spigot.

KNIVES CHAU
She’s got a head start! I didn’t
even know there WAS good music
until like two months ago! Okay,
this really burns.

TAMARA
We should rinse-

KNIVES CHAU
I mean, he knew I was cool but he
thought I was too young, so he
tried to find someone cool but old.

TAMARA
She’s cool? I thought she was fat-

KNIVES CHAU
Well she THINKS she’s cool. This is
all her fault.

TAMARA
Why?

Tamara turns the faucet on and rinses Knives hair.

KNIVES CHAU
It MUST be her fault. Obviously
it’s just a twist of fate or
whatever, isn’t it? Star crossed
lovers! Born too late!

Knives looks in the mirror: HER HAIR IS EXACTLY LIKE
RAMONA.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh God...I look so...so good.

Knives throws a long scarf on, looking sexy, eyes
narrowing.

KNIVES CHAU
Scott Pilgrim destroyed my heart.
But I know how to get him back.

PUSH into Knives, as she plots. Tamara pops into frame.

TAMARA
85.


How?

We see a TEXT MESSAGE typing onscreen:

’YUNG NEIL ITZ KNIVES. OMFG UR SO HOTT’


72 EXT. LEE’S PALACE - NIGHT 72

A huge line of TOO COOL YOUTHS snakes outside a rock venue.

A sign reads ’˜THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD - Sold out’. We hear
loud music blasting through the open doors.


73 INT. LEE’S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 73

The LOUD MUSIC stops abruptly. Sex Bob-Omb bow onstage.

STEPHEN STILLS
Thank you. We were Sex Bob-Omb.

Wallace and Other Scott clap and cheer, drunk. The other
snobbish kids in the audience shrug and disperse.

STEPHEN STILLS
We got some merch out the back, so-
(to Scott and Kim)
Okay. Bar. Now.


74 INT. LEE’S PALACE - LATER 74

A disillusioned Sex Bob-Omb hang with Ramona at the bar.

STEPHEN STILLS
Level with me. Did we suck?

RAMONA
I don’t know. Did you?

STEPHEN STILLS
She has to go. She knows we suck.

Ramona excuses herself.


75 INT. LEE’S PALACE, LADIES BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 75
86.


Ramona does her eyeliner. She looks in the mirror to see
two images of herself staring back. Or is it... "KNIVES
CHAU, 17, SINGLE WHITE ASIAN" with identical hair, clothes
and makeup, standing next to Ramona, looking hot.

KNIVES CHAU
Hey Ramona.

RAMONA
Hey.

Ramona exits, confused. Knives follows.

RAMONA
What the hell?


76 INT. LEE’S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 76

Ramona and Knives exit the bathroom together. Scott breaks
into a cold sweat. Knives shoots Scott a sultry look.

KNIVES CHAU
Hey Scott.

Knives heads into Young Neil’s arms at the other end of the
bar. Scott struggles with something resembling jealousy.

SCOTT
What the hell?

KIM PINE
Look who Knives is hanging with.

RAMONA
Who is that girl again?

STEPHEN STILLS
Scottdatedher.

SCOTT
Briefly. Briefly.

KIM PINE
I bet Young Neil will date her even
briefly-er.

RAMONA
How old is she?

A ’WHEEL OF FORTUNE’ spins INSIDE SCOTT’S HEAD, with
selections such as ’It was nothing’ and ’She was nobody.’
The wheel sticks between ’I gotta pee.’ and ’Who, her?’
87.


SCOTT
I gotta pee on her.
(turns beet red)
I mean, I gotta pee. Pee time.
(sing songy)
Peee time.


77 INT. LEE’S PALACE, MENS BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 77

Scott washes his hands and looks up to see TWO SCOTTS
staring back, one with fringed hair and a wicked glare!

Scott whips around. He’s alone. SPOOKY MUSIC begins...
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Knives colors her hair to look like Ramona, then runs into her and Scott at a concert. Scott is jealous when Knives flirts with another guy.
Strengths "Humor, tension, character development"
Weaknesses "Lack of significant plot development"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and serves a clear purpose in the story. It establishes Knives Chau's jealousy towards Ramona and sets up her plan to try and win Scott back. The dialogue between Knives and Tamara feels authentic and helps to flesh out their characters. The use of text messages onscreen is a clever way to convey information without resorting to clunky exposition.

However, there are a few areas for improvement. The transition between Knives coloring her hair to them being at Lee's Palace feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or clearer indication of time passing. Additionally, the "Wheel of Fortune" moment inside Scott's head feels a bit forced and could be revised for more natural dialogue.

Overall, this scene effectively moves the plot forward and develops the characters, but could benefit from a few tweaks for a smoother flow.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more clarity around the characters' motivations and emotions. For example, why is Knives coloring her hair like Ramona's? Is it just to impress Scott, or does she have deeper feelings for him? Also, why does Scott feel jealous when he sees Knives with Young Neil? Is he still attracted to her, or does he just not want to see her with someone else? Adding more depth to these character motivations and emotions would help elevate the scene and make the audience care more about what is happening. Additionally, some of the dialogue could be tightened up for better flow and pacing. Removing unnecessary lines and condensing dialogue can help the scene move along more smoothly.



Scene 29 -  The Clash at Demonhead Concert
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
78 INT. LEE’S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 78

A freaked out Scott returns to the group. The lights dim
and the stage fills with twisting blue tendrils of smoke.

THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD materialize, ENVY in a long black
coat. Knives screams her teen brains out.

The BASS PLAYER steps into the light, no longer shrouded in
dry ice, he cuts a handsome, striking ROCK GOD figure.

SCOTT
That guy on bass? That’s Todd.

RAMONA
I know.

ENVY
Oh yeah...

SCOTT
You know?

ENVY
Oh yeah...

Todd flips his fringe from his eyes. Stares at Scott.

"TODD INGRAM, 25, EVIL-EX #3, FUN FACT: 9TH DEGREE VEGAN"

SCOTT
Oh no.

Envy lets her coat slip off, revealing a stunning figure.

ENVY
88.


OH YYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!


79 INT. LEE’S PALACE - LATER 79

Sex Bob-Omb, Knives and Ramona hang near the BACKSTAGE
doors.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh my God. Just oh my God.

YOUNG NEIL
Man, you have to see them live.
They’re so much better live. Oh.

SCOTT
I think I’m going to throw up.

Julie opens the backstage door and huffs.

JULIE
I can’t believe I’m even saying
this, but Envy Adams would like all
of you to come backstage.

SCOTT
All of us?

JULIE
Did I fucking stutter?

The group shuffles backstage. Scott hangs his head like a
condemned man.

KNIVES CHAU
How do you know Envy???

YOUNG NEIL
Scottdatedher.

Knives makes a face that looks like this: >:O !!!!
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott is taken aback when he bumps into his evil ex Todd, who is now on bass for Ramona's ex-girlfriend's band. Envy invites Scott and his friends backstage after the concert.
Strengths "The introduction of Todd as an evil ex serves to up the stakes and further develop the conflict."
Weaknesses "The scene is mostly transitional, setting up future events without much actual development."
Critique The scene has good pacing, with a lot of action and dialogue moving the story forward. The introduction of the band and the revelation of Todd as an ex-boyfriend of Ramona's creates tension and conflict.

One area for improvement could be to add more description and detail to the setting. The use of "twisting blue tendrils of smoke" creates an interesting image, but more description could help to further build atmosphere and tone.

The dialogue is mostly effective at revealing character and advancing the plot, but there are a few moments where it feels a bit on-the-nose, such as when Young Neil explains that Scott dated Envy and Knives makes a face. Adding more subtext and complexity to the characters' interactions could make the scene feel more nuanced.

Overall, the scene is effective at building tension and raising the stakes for the characters, but could benefit from some added depth and detail.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more tension to the encounter between Todd and Scott. Perhaps Todd could make a threatening gesture or say something ominous that hints at a future conflict between him and Scott. This would increase the stakes and make the audience more invested in the story.

Additionally, there could be more interaction between Envy and Ramona that foreshadows the rivalry between the two characters. This would add another layer of tension and drama to the scene.

Finally, the dialogue between the characters could be tightened up to make it more concise and impactful. Cutting out unnecessary lines and adding more subtext to the conversations would make the scene more engaging for the audience.



Scene 30 -  Showdown at Lee's Palace
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
80 INT. LEE’S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA - NIGHT 80

SEX BOB-OMB lounge on a couch on one side of the room.
Envy, Todd and Julie lounge on a couch across from them.

Knives in shock as she thinks a thousand thoughts. Envy
burns a hole through Scott. Everyone else feels...
’AWKWARD’.
89.


TODD INGRAM
Hey Ramona.

RAMONA
Hey Todd.

TODD INGRAM
Been a while.

RAMONA
Mmm hmm.

TODD INGRAM
Mmm hmm.

RAMONA
(whispers to Scott)
I think we should get out of here.

JULIE
How was the tour? You played with
The Pixies? You’re a superstar now!

ENVY
It’s-yeah, it’s not something I can
really put into words.

KNIVES CHAU
Um...Envy? I read your blog.

Todd and Julie glare at Knives.

ENVY
So...Scott and Ramona eh?

RAMONA
What of it?

ENVY
You guys are a cute couple, you
know? You suit each other.

STEPHEN STILLS
So what’s your ulterior motive
Envy, in general?

JULIE
She doesn’t need ulterior motives,
Stephen. She’s got a write-up in
Spin!

KNIVES CHAU
You’re my role model Envy.
90.


ENVY
Just saying, cute couple. I like
your outfit Ramona. Affordable?

JULIE
I was going to say, Envy. Did you
get those jeans in New York,
they’re-

ENVY
I’m talking to Ramona right now.

JULIE
Ramona lived in New York.

ENVY
I was just there. We played the
Chaos Theatre for Gideon. You know
him, right?

Scott looks at Ramona. She is about to answer when...Knives
stands up, POINTS at Envy and SCREAMS-

KNIVES CHAU
I’VE KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED
YOU!

Envy nods at Todd. He PUNCHES KNIVES SQUARE IN THE JAW!

OMFG! Scott jumps to his feet, FACING OFF against Todd
Ingram.

SCOTT
Knives!?

Young Neil rushes to Knives’ aid. Scott boils. Todd smirks.

TODD INGRAM
That’s right. I’m not afraid to hit
a girl. I’m a rock star.

YOUNG NEIL
You punched the highlights out of
her hair!

ANGLE on Knives. Her hair is black and plain as before.

YOUNG NEIL
He punched the highlights. Out. Of.
Her. Hair.

ENVY
You’re incorrigible.
91.


TODD INGRAM
I don’t know the meaning of the
word.

Young Neil escorts Knives out. Todd sits back down like
nothing happened. Scott’s face is a bright shade of rage.

JULIE
So, are you guys doing anything fun
while you’re in town?

TODD INGRAM
Fun? In Toronto?

SCOTT
That is IT, you cocky cock! YOU’LL
PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST
HUMANITY!

Scott LEAPS across the table and SWINGS a punch at Todd.

Todd THRUSTS a hand out and telekinetically FREEZES SCOTT
IN THE AIR. Scott hovers, grasping his neck, choking.
Todd’s hair magically forms into a FAUXHAWK.

SCOTT
KK...my neck...yy...your hair...

ENVY
Didn’t you know? Todd’s Vegan.

TODD INGRAM
It’s not a big deal.

Todd telekinetically HURLS Scott through the club’s wall!

Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb peer through the newly made hole in
the wall, to see Scott sprawled on some trash bags. He
tries to keep cool, despite being in a lot of pain.

SCOTT
No kidding...anyone can be...vegan.

TODD INGRAM
Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe.

SCOTT
Ovo what?

TODD INGRAM
I partake not in the meat nor
breastmilk or ovum of any creature
that has a face.
92.


ENVY
Short answer: Being vegan just
makes you better than most people.

TODD INGRAM
Bingo.

Todd lifts up Scott telekinetically and throws him miles
into the air. Scott sails out of shot and into space.

STEPHEN STILLS
Hey man, question. I always
wondered, how does not eating dairy
products give you psychic powers?

TODD INGRAM
You know how you only use ten
percent of your brain? Well, it’s
because the other 90% is filled up
with curds and whey.

KIM PINE
Did you learn that at Vegan
Academy?

TODD INGRAM
Go ahead and get snippy baby, if
you knew the science, maybe I’d
listen to a word you’re saying.

Scott returns to earth with a THUMP. He moans in pain.
While the others bicker, Ramona helps Scott to his feet.

SCOTT
If I peed my pants, would you
pretend I just got wet from the
rain?

RAMONA
It’s not raining.

SCOTT
Oh. How about you give me the Cliff
Notes on how and why you ended up
dating this a-hole?

RAMONA
Is that really important right now?

SCOTT
If there’s a key element in his
backstory that can help me out in a
critical moment of not dying? Yes.
93.


A brief, scrappy ANIMATED FLASHBACK of Young Todd and
Ramona.

RAMONA (V.O.)
I was only dating Lucas until the
minute Todd walked by. I guess
that’s not very nice, but I used to
be kind of...like that.

Young Ramona shoves Young Lucas down a hill and starts
making out with Young Todd.

RAMONA (V.O.)
We hated everyone. We wrecked
stuff. Nobody cared.

Young Ramona and Young Todd wreck stuff. Nobody cares.

RAMONA (V.O.)
He punched a hole in the moon for
me. It was pretty crazy.

Young Todd punches a hole in the moon. It’s pretty crazy.

RAMONA (V.O.)
A week and a half later, he told me
his Dad was sending him to the
Vegan Academy, so I dumped him.
Does that help you at all?

The FLASHBACK ends. Scott can only fixate on one aspect.

SCOTT
Have you dumped everyone you’ve
ever been with? You’ve never been
the dumpee?

Ramona shrugs.

RAMONA
Look, I’ve dabbled with being a
bitch. It’s part of the reason I
moved here. I was really hoping to
put it all behind me.

Todd appears behind Ramona - ready for another round.

TODD INGRAM
We have unfinished business, I and
he!

Scott stands up - sort of ready for another round.
94.


SCOTT
He and me.

TODD INGRAM
Don’t you talk to me about grammar!

SCOTT
I...dislike you. Capiche?
Understand?

TODD INGRAM
Tell it to the cleaning lady on
Monday.

SCOTT
What?

TODD INGRAM
Because you’ll be dust by Monday.

SCOTT
Um...

TODD INGRAM
Because I’ll be pulverizing you in
two seconds. And the cleaning
lady...cleans up...dust. She dusts.

SCOTT
Sorry, so what’s on Monday?

TODD INGRAM
Cos it’s Friday now and she has
weekends off, so...Monday. Right?

ENVY
Basically, you can’t win this fight
and you’ll have to give up on this
girl, ’˜cos Todd is going to kill
you.

SCOTT
You used to be so...nice!

Scott CHARGES at Todd, who PSYCH-THROWS him back into the
club. We hear a distant CRUMP. Stills calls through the
hole.

STEPHEN STILLS
Uh, we’re going to Pizza Pizza for
a slice, call us when you’re done.

ENVY
95.


Oh, he’ll be done real soon.

Sex Bob-Omb skulks away. Envy grins at Ramona, wicked.

ENVY
Sorry, baby. Crummy way to end
things, I know.

Suddenly, the bass-line from FINAL FANTASY 2 rumbles
through the walls. Todd calls to a roadie.

TODD INGRAM
Get me my bass. The good one.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Action"]

Summary Scott and Ramona run into Todd, Ramona's evil ex, who is now playing bass for her ex-girlfriend's band. Envy invites Scott and his friends backstage after the concert. Todd picks a fight with Scott, and shows off his telekinetic powers.
Strengths "The action-packed fight scene between Scott and Todd is a highlight, with great use of visual effects and humor. The dialogue is snappy and witty. The tension between the characters is palpable and engaging."
Weaknesses "Some of the jokes may not land with all audiences, and some of the characters' actions may feel unrealistic or exaggerated."
Critique First of all, there is an issue with formatting. The action descriptions and dialogue blocks are not properly separated, making it harder to read. The scene also lacks clear stage directions, which can make it difficult for a director and actors to understand the physical movements of the characters.

In terms of the scene itself, there are some strong moments of conflict and tension between the characters, particularly with the arrival of Todd Ingram and Envy. However, there are also some inconsistencies with character behavior and dialogue. For example, Knives' outburst feels sudden and out of character, as does Todd's misogynistic response. Additionally, some of the dialogue feels forced and unrealistic, particularly the exchange about veganism giving psychic powers.

Overall, this scene could benefit from more clarity and consistency in character behavior and dialogue, as well as clearer stage directions.
Suggestions Overall, the scene seems a bit long and meandering. Here are some suggestions to tighten it up:

1. Cut the opening shot of the room and just jump straight into the dialogue.

2. Instead of having Julie ask about the tour, have Envy bring it up herself. This establishes her as more of a show-off and gives her more agency in the scene.

3. Give Knives more to do in the scene. As written, she just sits there until she screams her outburst. It would be more interesting if she tried to confront Todd or Envy herself, rather than just blurting something out.

4. Consider cutting the Vegan Academy flashback to save time and maintain tension in the present moment.

5. While some of the dialogue is funny, it can drag on. Try to find ways to shorten or streamline the exchanges between characters.

6. Finally, consider giving Scott a stronger motivation for why he's so invested in this fight. As it stands, he seems to be fighting Todd just because he's Ramona's ex and he's a jerk. Adding in a personal stake for Scott would make the scene more emotionally engaging.



Scene 31 -  Vegan Police
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
81 INT. LEE’S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 81

SCOTT stands in an elephant’s graveyard of plastic cups and
bottles, picking the hell out of his bass, amp pegged to
10.

TODD INGRAM levitates, floating towards Scott with his
bass.

TODD INGRAM
You’re going down. Vegan Style!

Todd lands in front of Scott. BASS OFF! PICKS STRIKE
STRING!

Todd easily out-basses Scott, shredding him into oblivion.

The enormous reverb LAUNCHES club debris towards Scott.

SCOTT
The reverb is hurting my soul!!!

Scott slides across the floor and slams right into the
wall.

Todd LEVITATES, fauxhawk rising. He hovers next to him.

TODD INGRAM
That’s right, Pilgrim. I actually
know how to play bass.

Todd DETUNES his bass and delivers a death note that BLOWS
Scott right through the stage wall.


82 INT. LEE’S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA - CONTINUOUS 82
96.


Scott crashes into a backstage food table. Todd floats
toward him, savoring the kill. Envy appears beside him with
a smirk.

TODD INGRAM
I can read your thoughts. Your bass
hand is badly injured. You’re
through.

Scott turns around on his knees, cringing, holding a cup of
MILKY LOOKING COFFEE in either hand as a peace offering.

SCOTT
What say we drink to my memory?
Fair trade blend with soymilk?

ENVY
I’m sorry, but that’s pathetic.

TODD INGRAM
Dude. I can see in your mind’s eye
that you poured Half & Half into
one of these coffees in an attempt
to make me break vegan edge. I’ll
take the one with soy. Thanks,
tool.

Todd floats to the ground, takes one of the cups and
drinks.

SCOTT
Actually, I poured soy in this cup,
but thought real hard about pouring
it in that one. You know, in my
mind’s eye or whatever.

TODD INGRAM
What are you talking about?

SCOTT
You just drank Half & Half.

TWO TRENDY POLICE TYPES BUST IN THROUGH THE WALL, making
two more holes and pointing their fingers like deadly
weapons.

VEGAN POLICE OFFICERS
Freeze! Vegan Police!

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
Todd Ingram, you’re under arrest
for veganity violation code number
827, imbibement of Half & Half!
97.


TODD INGRAM
That’s bullroar!

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
No vegan diet, no vegan powers.

TODD INGRAM
But this is a first offense! Don’t
I get three strikes?

Vegan Police Officer #2 flips open his CODE VIOLATION book.

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
At 12:27 a.m. on February 1st, you
knowingly ingested Gelato.

TODD INGRAM
Gelato isn’t vegan?

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
Milk and eggs, bitch.

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
On April 4th, 7:30 p.m., you
partook a plate of Chicken
Parmesan.

Envy gasps, disgusted.

TODD INGRAM
Chicken isn’t vegan?

VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
The deveganizing ray! Hit him.

The Vegan Police BLAST Todd with arcs of power from their
finger guns. Todd’s fauxhawk deflates into a bowl cut.

TODD INGRAM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Scott rises into a stance to deliver his killer line...

SCOTT
You once were a vegone, but now you
will be gone!

TODD INGRAM
Vegone?

Scott HEADBUTTS TODD, exploding him! POOM! Scott dusts
himself off as COINS rain down. Envy stares, jaw ajar.
98.


SCOTT
Uh, sorry I guess.

ENVY
Sorry? You just headbutted my
boyfriend so hard he burst.

SCOTT
You kicked my heart in the ass. So
I guess we’re even. Natalie.

ENVY
No one calls me that anymore.

SCOTT
Maybe they should. Now let’s get
out of here.

A battle worn Scott limps through the hole in the wall.

Ramona follows, shooting Envy a look on the way out.

RAMONA
Crummy way to end things, I know.

Envy blinks, in shock. Julie pops into shot.

JULIE
For the record, I am so pissed off
for you right now.

ENVY
Shut the fuck up, Julie.
Genres: ["Comedy","Action"]

Summary Scott and Todd have a bass-off, where Todd defeats Scott easily using his telekinetic powers. Todd tries to use his powers again on Scott, but the Vegan Police crash the party and arrest Todd for violating vegan dietary laws. In retaliation, Scott headbutts Todd and kills him. Envy is shocked and Ramona apologizes for the situation before they all leave.
Strengths "The scene is highly entertaining and filled with action and humor, making it memorable."
Weaknesses "The scene can be quite confusing for viewers who are not familiar with the story."
Critique Overall, this scene is a fun and action-packed addition to the screenplay. It effectively uses the concept of a "bass off" and showcases the rivalry and power dynamic between Scott and Todd. The introduction of the Vegan Police adds a comedic element to the scene and also ties in with the theme of veganism throughout the film.

One potential critique is that the dialogue could be tightened up in some areas. While the banter between Scott and Todd is entertaining, there could be more clarity in certain lines (such as Scott's "What say we drink to my memory?" which feels a bit unclear in its intention).

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more detailed descriptions of the action and setting. While some details are provided (such as the plastic cups and bottles creating an "elephant's graveyard"), there could be more attention given to the physicality and movement of the characters. This would help to create a more immersive and visually engaging scene for the reader.

Overall, the scene has strong potential and could be a standout moment in the film if further refined and developed.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Make the bass off more visually exciting. Instead of just saying they pick the strings, add more description to make it dynamic and engaging.
2. Have Scott put up more of a fight. Right now, he seems to easily give up when Todd outshines him. Have Scott try to come back with something unexpected, showing his determination.
3. Give Envy more to do. She seems to just be there for Todd's sake, but her character could have more depth and development.
4. Have the Vegan Police Officers appear earlier in the scene, so that their entrance is more of a surprise and creates a bigger impact.
5. Clarify why Envy is so personally offended by Scott's actions. Right now, it seems like she is just upset on behalf of Todd, but it would be more interesting if she had a personal stake in it.
6. Make the dialogue snappier and more witty, to match the overall tone of the script. Some of the lines are a bit too straightforward and could be punched up to add more humor and personality to the scene.



Scene 32 -  Pizza and Parties
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
83 INT. PIZZA PIZZA - NIGHT 83

Sex Bob-Omb, Wallace and Other Scott munch pizza slices.

Ramona and Scott, on the fringes. It’s an odd mood.

WALLACE
Envy Adams. I hate that bitch so
much I kind of love her.

OTHER SCOTT
Yeah. That Todd guy was cool too.
And hot. I liked him.

Scott sighs and holds a cold Coke Zero on his forehead.

RAMONA
99.


Are you okay?

SCOTT
Uh huh.

RAMONA
You sure about that?

SCOTT
Do I look like I’m not okay?

Scott does not look okay. Stills coughs.

STEPHEN STILLS
We’re still going to the after show
right?

KIM PINE
I’m not sure it’s gonna be much of
a party, I think a third of the
band just went ’poom’.

STEPHEN STILLS
Cool bands never go to their own
after parties. It’s just the
desperate people trying to rub
elbows with label guys.

KIM PINE
Then why would we...oh.

STEPHEN STILLS
Neil, you down?

Neil is at the counter with a catatonic Knives. He shrugs.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott? You’re in right?

RAMONA
Do you want to go?

SCOTT
I kind of almost died back there,
so...

RAMONA
I’m not saying I want to go.

SCOTT
Hey, we can totally go.

RAMONA
100.


I’ll do whatever you want to do.

SCOTT
So let’s go.

Scott takes another bite. Other Scott whispers to Wallace.

OTHER SCOTT
Are Scott and Ramona fighting?

WALLACE
Not to my knowledge.

OTHER SCOTT
Oh.

WALLACE
I mean, not with fists.

OTHER SCOTT
Oh.

WALLACE
Yet.

OTHER SCOTT
Ooh.


84 EXT. AFTER PARTY - NIGHT 84

The whole gang trudge to the after party. Scott limps a
bit, lagging behind. Ramona falls back with him.

RAMONA
We really don’t have to go to this
thing. It’ll probably be a bad
scene all around and we’ve already
had a full night.

SCOTT
No, I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just-

RAMONA
It’s just...

SCOTT
Well, not that fighting harder and
harder battles for your love is
getting old or anything...but have
you ever dated someone who wasn’t a
total ass?
101.


RAMONA
So far you’re not a total ass.

SCOTT
But I’m part ass?

RAMONA
If it makes you feel better, you’re
the nicest guy I’ve dated.

SCOTT
Wait...is that good?

RAMONA
It’s what I need right now.

SCOTT
But not...later?

RAMONA
Scott, I don’t have all the
answers. I’d just like to live in
the moment if I can.

SCOTT
Yeah, I’d just like to live.

Scott and Ramona enter a big, fartsy, artsy WAREHOUSE.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott and his friends go to an after-party after a concert. Scott and Ramona discuss their relationship, while the rest of the group talks about Envy and Todd.
Strengths "The dialogue effectively sets up the mood and two romantic relationships, and the setting captures the alternative vibe of the scene. "
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't contain much plot and feels like a bit of an interlude between the two major plot points. "
Critique Overall, this scene is well-constructed and serves to establish the after party as the next setting for the story. The dialogue is natural and moves the story forward, with Wallace and Other Scott discussing their love/hate for Envy Adams and Todd, while Stephen Stills and Kim Pine debate the worth of going to the after party. The conversation between Scott and Ramona is particularly effective in establishing their characters and their relationship - Scott's insecurity and Ramona's ambiguity are clear. The final shot of the warehouse is a nice transition to the next scene. However, there are a few small areas that could be improved: 1) Provide more description of the characters' actions and reactions - what are they doing while they speak? This can help to elevate the scene beyond just a series of talking heads. 2) Consider adding some more conflict or tension - the scene is fairly neutral and doesn't have a lot of high stakes or drama. Adding more tension can make the story more engaging for the audience. Overall, though, this is a solid scene.
Suggestions Some suggested improvements for this scene could be:

- Increase the stakes: While the dialogue has some humorous moments, the scene overall feels a bit flat. Adding some urgency or tension to the characters' goals or conflicts could make it more engaging. For example, Ramona could reveal a new challenge or obstacle in their relationship that makes Scott question their future, or the band members could be worried about the impact of the "poom" incident on their career.

- Show, don't tell: The characters talk about their emotions and thoughts a lot, but there's not much action or visual cues to back them up. Introducing some physical reactions or gestures to underline their words could amplify the scene's impact. For instance, Scott could wince in pain when he coughs, or Ramona could avoid eye contact when talking about their relationship.

- Explore the setting: The Pizza Pizza and after party locations are described but not really used to their fullest potential. Adding some sensory details or interactions with the environment could make the scene more vivid and immersive. For example, the characters could comment on the taste or texture of the pizza, or the after party could have some interesting decorations or entertainers that affect the mood.

- Strengthen the character arcs: While the scene touches on some of the conflicts and growth of the main characters, it feels a bit disjointed and random. To make the scene more impactful and memorable, it could tie in more explicitly with the themes or arcs of the story. For example, the conversation between Scott and Ramona could delve deeper into their respective fears or desires, or the after party could lead to a confrontation or revelation that changes their perspectives.



Scene 33 - 
  • Overall: 0.0
  • Concept: 0
  • Plot: 0
  • Characters: 0
  • Dialogue: 0
85 INT. AFTER PARTY - CONTINUOUS 85

RAMONA
Okay, I know Todd was bad news. But
are you saying Envy wasn’t? We all
have baggage.

SCOTT
My baggage doesn’t try and kill me
every five minutes. What did you do
to your ex-boyfriends to make them
so insane?

RAMONA
Exes.

SCOTT
WHATEVER-

RAMONA
No break up is painless. Someone
always gets hurt. What about you
and that girl Knives?
102.


SCOTT
Knives?

RAMONA
Who broke up with who?

SCOTT
I believe...I broke up with her.

RAMONA
And was she cool with that?

SCOTT
Yeah. She’s very mature for her
age. It was a very healthy break
up. We’re all peaches and gravy.

We hear an offscreen distant ’˜nooooo’ from Knives.

RAMONA
And what about you and Kim?

They pass Kim. She’s also staring at Scott. Not lovingly.

SCOTT
Me and Kim? I can barely remember.
Why, is it important?

RAMONA
Hey, you want to know everything
about my past, dude.

SCOTT
It was just...yeah. I don’t know.
It was high school. She had
freckles. It was cool, I guess.

RAMONA
That’s it?

SCOTT
Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.

Scott and Ramona have reached the bar at the party.

RAMONA
That’s really the whole story?

SCOTT
103.


OKAY! I had to fight a dude to get
with her! I fought a crazy eighty
foot tall purple suited dude! And I
had to fight 96 guys to get to him,
too! He was flying and shooting
lightning bolts from his eyes! He
was totally awesome and I kicked
him so far he saw the curvature of
the earth! Does that make you feel
any better?

RAMONA
Well now you are being a total ass.
Welcome to the club.

In the back glass of the bar, Scott sees his reflection:
fringed hair, wicked glare. He catches himself.

SCOTT
Sorry. I’m not usually like this.

RAMONA
Hey, don’t worry. I don’t know what
I’m like anymore.

SCOTT
I guess this whole ex-boyfriends
thing is really messing with my
head.

RAMONA
Exes.

SCOTT
Why do you keep saying-

PAF! A foot appears out of nowhere and KICKS Scott in the
head, sending him flying across the dance floor. Scott
looks up at his opponent, the MYSTERY ATTACKER!

SCOTT
Girl from earlier?

RAMONA
Roxy?

Scott gets up. The three square off in a triangle.

SCOTT
You know this girl?

ROXY
Oh boy, does she know me.
104.


SCOTT
What...is...she...talking about?

ROXY
He really doesn’t know?

SCOTT
(ping!)
You and her?

’ROXY RICHTER, 23, 4TH EVIL EX : SAPPHIC AGGRESSIVE’

RAMONA
It was just a phase.

ROXY
Just a phase?

SCOTT
You had a sexy phase?

RAMONA
I didn’t think it would count! It
meant nothing.

ROXY
It meant nothing???

RAMONA
I was just a little bi-curious.

ROXY
Well honey, I’m a little bi-
furious!

Roxy throws a SCORPION KICK at Scott’s face. Ramona CATCHES
her foot mid-air. Roxy flips out of the hold.

RAMONA
Do that again and I will end you.

ROXY
Back off hasbian. If Gideon can’t
have you, no one can. The League
hath spoken.

The girls square off, clearing the busy dance floor.

RAMONA
Then Gideon best get his
pretentious ass up here, ’˜cos I’m
about to kick yours out of the
Great White North.
105.


ROXY
You unbelievable bitch.

RAMONA pulls a LARGE HAMMER from her purse.

RAMONA
Believe it.

An embarrassed Scott watches with the rest of the crowd.

SCOTT
Wallace?

WALLACE
Uh huh?

SCOTT
This is happening, right?

WALLACE
Uh huh.

SCOTT
I mean, this is live?

WALLACE
Oh yeah. KICK HER IN THE BALLS,
RAMONA!

With blinding speed, Roxy slips her belt off and WHIPS A
RAZOR SHARP FLYING GUILLOTINE BELT BUCKLE at Ramona! Ramona
CARTWHEELS as the buckle sails between her legs and SMASHES
into a DISCO BALL. Mirrored shards fly everywhere.

PAF! Roxy vanishes as Ramona SWINGS the hammer at her. It
smashes a speaker. Sound on one side of the room cuts out.

Ramona turns around just in time to see Roxy’s deadly belt
SAILING towards her. She BLOCKS with the hammer. The belt
wraps around it. Roxy HURLS the hammer out the window.

ROXY
I’m sending you back to Gideon in a
thousand pieces, you slag.

Ramona springs off of various pieces of furniture, LEAPING
towards Roxy and PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE. Roxy REELS and
SLAMS into the wall, leaving a dent in it.

RAMONA
I’d rather be dead than go back.
He’s a creep, you’re a bitch and
you all deserve each other.
106.


ROXY
Give it a rest, Ramona. This is a
League game.

RAMONA
Meaning?

Roxy points an accusing finger at the mortified Scott.

ROXY
Meaning your precious Scott must
defeat me with his own fists. Or
possibly feet.

SCOTT
I’m not sure I can hit a girl.
They’re soft.

RAMONA
You don’t have a choice.

Ramona positions Scott into a fighting stance as Roxy
CHARGES with deadly intent. Ramona puppeteers Scott into a
furious volley of PUNCHES on Roxy. She staggers, winces.

ROXY
Fight your own battles, lazy ass!

PAF! Roxy disappears then REAPPEARS between Scott and
Ramona, kicking them apart with the splits. Roxy then KICKS
Scott into the ceiling. He lands HARD on the floor.

ROXY
Every Pilgrim reaches the end of
his journey. Some sooner than
others.

Roxy lifts her leg over her head, preparing to drop her
boot of DEATH on Scott’s head. She grins at Ramona.

ROXY
Your B.F’s about to get F’d in the
B!

RAMONA
Her weak point’s the back of her
knees!

SCOTT
What? How does that work?

RAMONA
Whenever we were making out, I-
107.


SCOTT
Okay.

As Roxy’s leg descends, Scott reaches up with one finger
and lightly TICKLES the back of Roxy’s knee.

GRAPHIC: ’TICKLE TICKLE!’

ROXY
Oh...

Roxy falls, still in the splits, throbbing with orgasmic
meltdown. Scott watches as Roxy giggles between spasms.

ROXY
You’ll...never...be able to do this
to herrrrrrrrrrr!

Roxy screams in ecstasy before EXPLODING into COINS. A
spent Scott is left standing in the middle of the room.

The party starts up again, a wave of gossip spreading
around the room. People text furiously and point fingers at
Scott.

Scott flushes red and retreats back to the bar. Ramona
follows tentatively. The gossip echoes around them.

RAMONA
Sooooo...

SCOTT
Two gin and tonics please.

RAMONA
I thought you didn’t drink.

SCOTT
Only on special occasions. Why? Did
you want one?

Scott swigs down his drink. Ramona tries to lighten things.

RAMONA
I guess we really don’t know that
much about each other do we?

Scott seems immediately drunk.

SCOTT
108.


Maybe you could just give me a list
of all your exes so at least I know
who’s going to beat my ass into the
ground next.

RAMONA
Oh, like a handy little laminate or
something? Let me see if I can find
one.
(looks through bag)
Maybe we could exchange our
information. Scott has already
downed his second drink.

SCOTT
Just out of sheer curiosity and
concern for my mortal well-being,
is there anyone at this party you
haven’t slept with?

EVERY GUY AND GIRL AT THE PARTY
HEY!

Ramona stops. Looks hurt. She touches her hair.

RAMONA
I really think we should split.

SCOTT
As in ’˜get out of here’? Or as in
’˜split split’?

RAMONA
I’d hope you could figure that out.
Or did you miss the part where I
saved your ass?

SCOTT
How could I not? I feel like we
just washed our sexy laundry in
public.

RAMONA
Dirty laundry. You’re drunk.

SCOTT
(holds up 2 fingers)
I’ve had like one drink.

RAMONA
109.


Well I’m sorry I cared. I don’t
enjoy all this Scott. In fact I’m
sick of it. I thought you might be
more understanding.

SCOTT
I just-

RAMONA
You’re just another evil ex-
boyfriend waiting to happen.

Ramona walks off and loudly announces:

RAMONA
And yes, there is someone at this
party I haven’t slept with. You.

Ramona leaves. Another crescendo of gossip echoes around
the room. Scott’s friends gather round in a pity party.

But then - Ramona returns, handing Scott a LAMINATED LIST.

RAMONA
P.S. Here’s your stupid list.

Ramona exits proper. Scott looks at the list. It
reads-’PATEL, LEE, INGRAM, RICHTER, KATAYANAGI TWINS,
GIDEON...’

SCOTT
Who the hell are the Katayanagi
Twins?

STEPHEN STILLS
You don’t know?
Genres: null

Summary
Strengths null
Weaknesses null
Critique This scene from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is an engaging and entertaining read. The dialogue is witty and sharp, and the action sequences are well-described, making it easy to visualize the scene. The scene does a good job of advancing the plot while also developing the relationships between characters. However, some of the actions and reactions of the characters seem a bit contrived and don't always feel fully motivated. Additionally, some of the jokes might come across as offensive to certain audiences. Overall, while the scene could benefit from some fine-tuning, it does a great job of showcasing the film's unique style and tone.
Suggestions Overall, this scene has good dialogue and action, but there are a few things that can be improved. Here are some suggestions:

1. Clarify the setting: It takes a while to figure out that this scene takes place at a party. Consider adding some more visual cues to establish the setting earlier on.

2. Add more physical action: While there are some fight scenes in this scene, they are described in a lot of dialogue. Consider adding more visual action to help the audience follow along, especially during the fight scenes.

3. Tighten up the dialogue: There are a few lines of dialogue that feel unnecessary or repetitive. Consider cutting them to make the scene flow more smoothly.

4. Make the conflict clearer: While there is a clear conflict between Ramona and Roxy, it's less clear what the conflict is between Ramona and Scott. Consider adding more tension between them to make their interactions feel more high-stakes.

5. Develop the characters: In this scene, it feels like Ramona and Scott are just trading witty banter. Consider adding more depth to their characters, such as revealing more about their motivations, fears, or past experiences. This will make the audience care more about what happens to them.



Scene 34 -  Battle of the Bands
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
86 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - NIGHT 86

Stills flips to hand drawn sketches of THE KATAYANAGIS,
identical Asian twins dressed like pretentious New Wave
fops.

STEPHEN STILLS
They’re the next band in the battle
and they are badass.

We reveal a grim, terse Scott playing a doomy bassline. The
rehearsal room feels empty without Knives or Ramona.

KIM PINE
Ramona dated twins?
110.


SCOTT
Apparently.

YOUNG NEIL
At the same time?

SCOTT
You know what? I don’t know and I
don’t want to know.

STEPHEN STILLS
Good. You know how I feel about
girls cockblocking the rock.

SCOTT
Good. I play better in a bad mood.

STEPHEN STILLS
If it’s gonna be an issue though,
Young Neil can fill in for you.

SCOTT
It’s not an issue. You know bands,
I know battles. We got it covered.

STEPHEN STILLS
Well, we’d understand if you didn’t
want to take part.

SCOTT
Not only do I want to take part. I
want to take them apart.

STEPHEN STILLS
Okay. I’m getting tingles.

YOUNG NEIL
Whoa...


87 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 87

Sex Bob-Omb and Young Neil load their gear at the venue.

STEPHEN STILLS
Okay. We’re doomed.

YOUNG NEIL
Oh...

Flyers cover the outside walls of another rock venue:
111.


’T.I.B.B! SEX BOB-OMB!! THE KATAYANAGI TWINS!!! AMP VERSUS
AMP!!!! TWO BANDS ENTER!!!!!! ONE BAND LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!’

KIM PINE
That flyer needs more exclamation
marks.

STEPHEN STILLS
Oh, we are going to get killed.

YOUNG NEIL
Come on. You’re onstage in five.

SCOTT
Aren’t the Katamaris or whatever on
first?

YOUNG NEIL
I think you’re both on first?

STEPHEN STILLS
Wait...amp versus amp? We’re going
on stage at the same time?

SCOTT
That’s impossible-
Genres: ["comedy","music"]

Summary Scott and his band are getting ready to face off against the Katayanagi Twins in a battle of the bands.
Strengths
  • tension is present throughout despite the comedic tone
  • good characterization of the band members
Weaknesses
  • lack of significant plot development
  • theme is not particularly strong
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, my analysis is based on the technicalities of screenwriting. And I believe that the scene has good pacing and structure with clear exposition and well-defined character actions that carry the story forward. However, some dialogues could be improved to deliver more impact and add depth to the characters. Specifically, a couple of lines feel a bit on the nose and could benefit from being trimmed or rephrased in a more subtle manner. Overall, it reads like a solid scene in terms of advancing the plot and developing the characters and their relationships.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add some more tension and conflict between Scott and Stephen Stills regarding the upcoming battle. Currently, they seem to agree on everything and are both confident in their ability to win. Adding some disagreement or conflicting viewpoints between them could make the scene more dynamic and interesting. Additionally, including more physical actions or descriptions of the setting could help to make the scene more visually engaging for the reader.



Scene 35 -  Battle of the Bands
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
88 INT. THE NINTH CIRCLE, STAGE - NIGHT 88

’ACTUALLY, NO’

Two stages sit on either side of the auditorium. On one: a
MONOLITHIC WALL OF ELK AMPLIFIERS. On the other, SEX BOB-
OMB, with their dinky LAME BRAND amps behind them.

SCOTT
Okay. My bad.

KIM PINE
Your bad is saying my bad.

Sex Bob-Omb stare up at the Katayanagi amps, sweating
behind their instruments. Stills looks into the audience
positioned between the bands: a legion of identical INDIE
TEENS.

STEPHEN STILLS
We shouldn’t even be here. We
shouldn’t even be here.

Stills tries to run. Scott grabs him and pulls him back.
112.


SCOTT
Come on man! I put aside my
problems for the music. If I can do
that, we can do anything.

KIM PINE
Did you speak to Ramona then?

SCOTT
What? No. I haven’t seen her since
the other night.

KIM PINE
Oh. She’s totally here.

Kim points to RAMONA in the crowd. She is totally there.
Her hair is now the BRIGHTEST GREEN, and she stands next to
a nondescript MYSTERY GEEK in blazer and black rimmed
glasses.

They are chatting. She looks happy. Scott turns bleak
again.

KIM PINE
Scott? Not that I care...but you
should talk to her before she’s
gone...

SCOTT
Thanks Ki-

KIM PINE
And I really don’t care.

Scott nods at Kim’s advice. He looks back to the crowd to
find the MYSTERY GEEK staring right at him. Then-

Disorienting LIGHTS and LASERS flash on the opposite stage.

A wall of FEEDBACK builds...THE KATAYANAGI TWINS appear,
sliding onstage behind their respective keyboard stands.

KYLE KATAYANAGI, 23, is very serious and Japanese. KEN
KATAYANAGI, 23, is serious and very Japanese.

Scott, Stephen Stills and Kim share a nervous look.

STEPHEN STILLS
Okay gang. Can we do this? I mean,
we can do this. Right?

KIM PINE
Right.
113.


STEPHEN STILLS
Scott?

Scott is distracted again by the Mystery Geek staring at
him.

KIM PINE
Scott!

Kyle Katayanagi hits a SINGLE NOTE on the keyboard,
blasting an enormous wave of sound at Sex Bob-Omb. It’s so
loud that it shakes the foundations and rips the lighting
rig from the ceiling, leaving a huge hole in the roof. The
crowd cheers.

AUDIENCE DUDE (O.S.)
They brought the house down.

Now an open air venue, SNOW falls onto the stage. An earth
shaking BASS NOTE blows the dust off Sex Bob-Omb... Scott
and Stills get into battle position. Scott screams!

SCOTT
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO
MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET
SAD AND STUFF! 1-2-3-4!

Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT, their sound blowing a mass of snow
towards the Katayanagis. For once, they sound awesome.

Kyle looks at Ken. They share a nod. Ken turns their amps
up to the Japanese character for ’11’. Their waveforms
transform the swirling snow into a TWO HEADED WHITE DRAGON!

Katayanagi SLAM their Moogs. Heavy weirdness EXPLODES from
the amps! The Dragon blows a BLAST of snowy fire that BLOWS
SEX BOB-OMB OFF THE STAGE. The crowd ERUPTS into cheers.

Scott, Kim and Stills lie in a heap under their
instruments.

STEPHEN STILLS
Let’s break up now and get it over
with. We screwed the pooch in front
of Gideon Graves. We’re done.

SCOTT
Gideon...is here? Where?

Stills points to the ’Mystery Geek’, who smirks and
whispers in Ramona’s ear. This is GIDEON GRAVES, 37,
ASSHOLE.
114.


SCOTT
That’s Gideon?

Scott’s eyes reflect Ramona’s hair and turn GREEN. He
struggles to his feet. The crowd slowly stops clapping as
Scott pulls Stills to his feet, then helps Kim up.

SCOTT
Alright, let’s do this!

Kim, inspired by Scott’s new hardcore attitude, comes in
heavy on the kick drum. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!

Heads nod in time as Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT! Their waveforms
transform a mass of snow into a GREEN EYED YETI!

The Katayanagis fight back with their future sounds and
their Sonic Dragon stalks towards Sex Bob-Omb, slinking on
perfect beat with the Katayanagis’ spooky music.

The Yeti and the Dragons CLASH at center stage, fighting in
time to the music!

Scott and Stills bring their pick hands down like fierce
PUNCHES. The Yeti brings it’s fists down on The Dragon. Sex
Bob-Omb HAMMER DOWN THE FINAL NOTE:

The Yeti picks up The Dragon and THROWS it at the
Katayanagi Twins, EXPLODING them and their amps into COINS.

’+999 ROCKING’

KIM PINE
That...was epic.

The crowd goes bazooky. A DISEMBODIED SCOTT HEAD appears,
hovering next to Scott.

Scott looks for Ramona in the crowd, but she and Gideon are
gone. Scott hands his bass to Young Neil.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott. What are you doing?

SCOTT
Getting a life.

Scott swipes the SCOTT HEAD and jumps into the still-
applauding crowd. He can’t find Ramona, but comes upon
KNIVES standing alone in her homemade Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.

KNIVES CHAU
115.


I just came to see the show. I’m
not even stalking you.

Knives’s unusually composed demeanor gives Scott pause.

SCOTT
You seem... different.

Knives shrugs, different.

KNIVES CHAU
I feel like I know stuff now.

Scott and Knives lock eyes. Scott suddenly spots a flash of
GREEN HAIR exiting the building.

SCOTT
Ramona...

Scott follows. Knives watches him go, eyes narrowing.
Genres: ["Comedy","Music"]

Summary Sex Bob-Omb faces off against the Katayanagi Twins in a battle of the bands, which escalates into a fantastical showdown. Scott also learns that Gideon Graves, Ramona's ex-boyfriend, is in attendance.
Strengths "The battle sequence is exciting and visually stunning. The use of music as a storytelling device is effective."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks emotional depth and meaningful character development."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with strong descriptions and a clear sense of action. However, there are some areas that could be improved for clarity and character development.

Firstly, the dialogue could be tightened up, especially in the beginning of the scene where there is some unnecessary banter between Scott and Kim Pine. Additionally, the dialogue between Scott and the Mystery Geek could be more clearly written to show their interaction and the Mystery Geek's role in the story.

Furthermore, the scene relies heavily on visual descriptions of the action and setting, which is effective but could benefit from more character development. For example, the characters' motivations and emotions could be explored further through their dialogue and interactions.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the conflict between Sex Bob-Omb and the Katayanagi Twins and introduces the character of Gideon Graves. However, it could benefit from some tighter dialogue and deeper character development.
Suggestions Overall, this scene could benefit from a clearer sense of stakes and purpose. It's not entirely clear why Sex Bob-Omb is performing at this venue, or what they hope to achieve by doing so. Additionally, the dialogue is somewhat disjointed and could benefit from a stronger throughline.

To improve this scene, here are a few potential suggestions:

- Clarify the stakes: Why is Sex Bob-Omb performing at this venue? Are they trying to impress someone, or win a competition, or just play a show? Adding some context for why this performance matters can make the scene feel more grounded and engaging.
- Lean into the tension: There's some tension between Scott and Ramona, and between Sex Bob-Omb and the Katayanagi Twins, but it could be heightened to make the scene more gripping. For example, perhaps Ramona is there with Gideon in a way that makes Scott feel threatened or jealous. Or, perhaps the Katayanagi Twins have a clear advantage over Sex Bob-Omb, making their victory feel more satisfying when they finally succeed.
- Streamline the dialogue: Some of the dialogue in this scene feels repetitive or unnecessary, such as the back-and-forth between Kim and Scott about whether he talked to Ramona. By trimming some of the dialogue or rephrasing it more concisely, the scene can feel more focused and impactful.
- Consider adding more action: While the climax of the scene involves Sex Bob-Omb and the Katayanagi Twins battling with music, there's a lot of dialogue leading up to it. Adding more action throughout the scene - maybe the Katayanagi Twins taunt Sex Bob-Omb from across the stage, or someone in the audience throws something at them - can make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

By honing in on the stakes, tension, and action of the scene, it can become a more powerful and memorable moment in the film.



Scene 36 -  Scott's Heartbreak
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
89 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 89

Scott chases Ramona down the street outside the venue.

SCOTT
Ramona. I have something I need to
tell you.

RAMONA
Yeah, I have something to-

SCOTT
(rushed)
Great. Listen, I know you just play
mysterious and aloof to avoid
getting hurt. I know you have
reasons for not wanting to talk
about your past. And I want you to
know, I don’t care about any of
that stuff. Why? Because I’m in
lesbians with you.

RAMONA
What?

SCOTT
I really, really mean it.

RAMONA
Oh. Okay.
116.


SCOTT
What did you want to tell me?

RAMONA
That we have to break up.

SCOTT
What?

RAMONA
Yeah...it’s not going to work out.

SCOTT
Oh okay...

A sleek black ’˜61 Lincoln Continental pulls up behind.

RAMONA
It’s Gideon. I just...I can’t help
myself around him.

VOICE (O.S.)
That’s the bad news.

GIDEON GRAVES appears behind Scott with Stills and Kim in
tow. The Lincoln parks. A driver opens the passenger door.

GIDEON GRAVES
The good news, Scottie, is I’m
officially loving the Sex Bombs.

SCOTT
Bob-Omb.

GIDEON GRAVES
Three piece rock outfit with a
semi- attractive female drummer?
Music to my earholes.

Scott glowers. Ramona looks at the floor. Stills is ga-ga.

TEXT: An arrow points to Stills’ crotch, captioned ’PEE’.

GIDEON GRAVES
You know, I’m not even going to
wait to see how you guys do in the
final. I’m signing you right now
for a three album deal.

Gideon produces a CONTRACT and clicks a pen.

GIDEON GRAVES
117.


See? I’m not such a bad guy after
all.

Scott GRABS the contract and throws it onto the sidewalk.

SCOTT
You think we’re gonna sell our
souls to you? Well then guess-

We hear SCRIBBLING. Stills has picked up the contract and
is furiously signing it using Scott’s back. Kim shrugs and
signs it too, before trying to hand it back to Scott.

SCOTT
Nuh-uh. I can’t be part of the band
with this douche-in-charge.

GIDEON GRAVES
Scottie, buddy, can I just say,
keep your emotions in check. Don’t
let what’s past screw up your
future.

Scott watches Ramona get into the Continental. She rolls
the mirrored window up so Scott stares at his own
reflection.

STEPHEN STILLS
The people need to hear us, Scott.

SCOTT
Then you’re going to need to find
someone else to play bass.

A cough. A meek Young Neil slides into view, bass in hand.

GIDEON GRAVES
Looks like we’re all set.

Young Neil signs the contract. There are hand shakes all
round. Gideon turns to Scott and pats him on the shoulder.

GIDEON GRAVES
Oh and Scott, we should really be
thanking each other. I mean, if it
wasn’t for me, you would have never
been with Ramona, but if it wasn’t
for you, she wouldn’t be back with
me. So I guess it all shakes out.

Gideon walks around to the driver side of the Lincoln.

GIDEON GRAVES
118.


And hey, the whole League of Evil
Exes thing? I was in a dark place
when I put that together. Forgiven?

Gideon disappears into the Lincoln and drives off and Sex
Bob-Omb drift away. Scott stands alone. He slaps his head-

SCOTT
I said ’lesbians’!


90 INT. THE BUS / GIDEON’S LINCOLN 90

Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Ramona...
Ramona sits expressionless in the back of Gideon’s car...
Scott tries desperately to think positive...

A smiling Gideon sidles closer to Ramona...

Scott walks forlornly down an empty street and bumps his
head on a telephone pole. ’THONK’.

’OH GOD WHY’
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott confesses his feelings to Ramona, but she breaks up with him. Gideon offers Sex Bob-Omb a record deal, but Scott refuses. He realizes that he's lost Ramona to Gideon.
Strengths "The comical tone is well-executed, with a blend of humor and emotion. The dialogue is snappy and the characters are well-defined. The conflict between Scott, Ramona, and Gideon is portrayed effectively, building up tension."
Weaknesses "Some of the jokes might not land for all viewers, and the plot may be convoluted for some. Some characters might not get enough development or screen time."
Critique Overall, the scene has solid structure and character development, but the dialogue could use some work to make it more natural. The way Scott confesses his feelings to Ramona seems forced and rushed, and the use of the word "lesbians" feels out of place. Additionally, the quick switch to Ramona breaking up with Scott feels abrupt and could be better justified with more build-up earlier in the story. Finally, the ending feels too abrupt and could benefit from a stronger emotional payoff.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from more clear and concise dialogue. The characters tend to interrupt each other and speak in fragmented sentences, making it difficult to follow the flow of conversation. One suggestion would be to revise the dialogue to make it more streamlined and easier to understand. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more descriptive action, setting the mood and atmosphere for each moment. For example, the tense and dramatic moment leading up to Ramona's announcement that she wants to break up could be set up with more description and detail, enhancing the impact of the twist. Finally, there could be more attention paid to the character development and motivations of each character in the scene, making the interactions between them more complex and intriguing to the audience.



Scene 37 -  The Aftermath
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
91 EXT. THE PARK - NIGHT / DAY / NIGHT 91

Scott sits on the swings, staring straight ahead. Night
turns to day. Day turns to night.

Scott remains in the exact same position.

STACEY (O.S.)
Was she really the one?

Scott looks over to see STACEY on the swing next to him.

SCOTT
The wha?

STACEY
I mean, did you really see a future
with this girl?

SCOTT
Like...with jetpacks?

Stacey stands to go, gives Scott a hug.

STACEY
119.


Time heals all wounds, little
brother. Maybe next time let’s not
date the girl with eleven evil ex-
boyfriends.

SCOTT
Seven.

STACEY
Oh. Well that’s not so bad.

Stacey heads off. Scott looks at the camera.


92 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 92

Scott enters. Flicks the light on. Gets a shock.

SCOTT
Aaah!

WALLACE (O.S.)
TURN OFF THE LIGHT!

Scott flicks the light off. Over PITCH BLACK...

WALLACE (O.S.)
Presumably you just saw someone’s
junk, and I apologize for that.

VOICE (O.S.)
Sorry.

SCOTT (O.S.)
Was that Other Scott or Jimmy or
someone?

WALLACE (O.S.)
Or someone.

VOICE (O.S.)
It’s Chris.

WALLACE (O.S.)
It’s Chris.


93 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - LATER 93

Scott sits in the chair, wrapped in a blanket. SOME GUY
lies in Scott’s usual futon spot (wearing Wallace’s
monogrammed robe). Wallace hands Scott cocoa.
120.


WALLACE
Scott, you know I love you. But I
need my own bed tonight. For sex.

SCOTT
Right.

WALLACE
I may need it the rest of the week
too.

SCOTT
Right.

WALLACE
And the year.

SCOTT
I get it.

WALLACE
Maybe you can move in with Ramona.

Scott stares deep into his cocoa and shakes his head.

SCOTT
She’s with Gideon.

WALLACE
Ah. That sucks. But you know, it’s
probably just because he’s better
than you.

Scott nods.

WALLACE
He’ll certainly have better hair.

Scott nods.

WALLACE
Either way, I think this fight is
over.

Scott nods.

WALLACE
You can sleep on the floor until
you get somewhere else to stay. I
got you muffs and blinkers in case
this might happen.

Wallace produces earmuffs and a sleep mask.
121.


SCOTT
Thanks.

RINGY RING. Scott stares at the phone. Some guy picks up.

SOME GUY
It’s for Scott.

SCOTT
(takes phone)
Hello?

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Hey, pal. Just wanted to say I feel
terrible about earlier. I don’t
want any hard feelings, so I
figured why not be the bigger man
and give you a call.

SCOTT
Is Ramona with you?


94 INT. GIDEON’S LAIR - CONTINUOUS 94

Gideon appears to sit on some kind of throne. He calls off.

GIDEON GRAVES
I don’t know. Are you with me?

RAMONA (O.S.)
Yeah.

SCOTT (O.S.)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

GIDEON GRAVES
Geez buddy, it’s gonna be alright.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott deals with the aftermath of his battle of the bands, his breakup with Ramona, and her new relationship with Gideon Graves.
Strengths "The dialogue is humorous and witty. The emotional impact of the breakup is palpable."
Weaknesses "The scene is mostly comprised of exposition and lacks action."
Critique First, the formatting seems off. The scene heading should only indicate whether it's day or night, not both. Additionally, there should be a slugline indicating where the park is located.

In terms of the content, the scene lacks clear actions and goals. Scott is just sitting on the swing and Stacey asks him a vague question. Then, in the next scene, there is no context for why Scott is entering Wallace's apartment or what his goal is. It's not until Gideon calls that there is some sort of conflict or goal introduced.

The dialogue itself is okay, but there could be more depth and specificity to the characters' motivations and emotions. Overall, the scene needs clearer direction and more purposeful action.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Give more context for why Scott is sitting on the swings and why he’s feeling down. This will make the scene more emotionally impactful and help the audience connect with him better.

2. Develop Stacey’s character more so that she feels like a real person instead of just a plot device to comfort Scott.

3. Cut down on the number of characters in the scene. Some of the dialogue with Wallace and the random guy could be trimmed or cut altogether to make the scene more focused on Scott’s emotional journey.

4. Show more of Scott’s internal struggle and conflicting emotions about Ramona and Gideon. Right now, his reaction to their phone call feels a bit abrupt and out of nowhere.

5. Add more visual interest to the scene. Right now, it’s just Scott sitting on a swing and then sitting in Wallace’s apartment. Try to find ways to make the scene more visually dynamic and engaging, even if it’s just through lighting, camera angles, or sound design.



Scene 38 -  The Final Battle
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
95 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS 95

SCOTT
No, I just spilled cocoa on my
crotch.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
122.


Sure you did. Well as you know, I’m
opening a new Chaos Theatre in
Toronto and The Sex Bobs are
playing our grand opening tonight,
and it would feel really weird for
all of us if you weren’t there.
They just did a sound check and the
acoustics in here are amazing.

SCOTT
(grim)
Yeah. Maybe I’ll see you there.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
I hope so, amigo. I don’t want
anymore bad blood between ex’s.
What do you say?

SCOTT
Mm.

GIDEON GRAVES
Okay laters.

Click.

WALLACE (O.S.)
What a perfect asshole.

Scott turns, alarmed. REVEAL Wallace on the other cordless.

WALLACE
Forget what I said earlier. Finish
him.


96 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - NIGHT 96

Snow blows around a steely eyed Scott as he stomps towards
a group of desolate WAREHOUSES near the water. A lone
HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette, leaning against a warehouse
wall.

HIPSTER KID
Password?

Scott shrugs.

SCOTT
Whatever.

HIPSTER KID
Cool.
123.


The Hipster Kid waves Scott in.


97 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 97

The warehouse is empty. Scott follows the sound of music to
a GATED ELEVATOR. Two Hipster Kids guard the elevator.

HIPSTER KID
Second password?

Scott gives the slightest shrug.

HIPSTER KID
Cool.

Scott steps into the elevator. So far so good.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Fantasy"]

Summary Scott faces off against Gideon Graves and deals with the aftermath of his battle of the bands and breakup with Ramona.
Strengths "Tense and emotional confrontation between Scott and Gideon. Strong visual and musical elements."
Weaknesses "Some plot points feel rushed and underdeveloped."
Critique Overall the scene is well written and moves the plot forward. However, one small suggestion would be to provide more description of the setting in the warehouse. This would help to create a stronger visual image for the audience. Additionally, the dialogue between Scott and Gideon could be strengthened by adding more conflict or tension. The conversation feels a bit too friendly given their history and the fact that Gideon is the villain of the film. Adding some more confrontational dialogue could help to create more tension.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify why Gideon Graves is calling Scott. Is there a reason he wants Scott to attend the grand opening of the new Chaos Theatre? This will give the scene more purpose and make Gideon's character more interesting.

2. Add more tension between Scott and Wallace. The line "What a perfect asshole" doesn't give us enough insight into their relationship. Maybe they could have a brief argument or disagreement before Wallace tells Scott to "finish him."

3. Consider adding more atmosphere to the setting. The desolate warehouses near the water are a great location, but the scene could benefit from more description. How does the snow and wind affect the mood? Are there any ominous sounds or sights?

4. Make the Hipster Kids more unique. Right now, they feel like generic characters who simply ask for passwords. Give them more personality and quirks to make them stand out.

5. Finally, add a cliffhanger or twist to the end of the scene to increase the suspense. Right now, Scott is just getting into the elevator, and we don't know what's going to happen next. Consider leaving the audience on a more shocking or surprising note.



Scene 39 -  The Final Showdown
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
98 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 98

Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON’S
UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT...the CHAOS THEATRE.

All HIPSTER KIDS have gathered in one spot of ultimate
snobbery. They are legion, wearing identical outfits; Chuck
Taylors, skinny jeans. COMEAU holds court among them.

COMEAU
Yeah, their first album is so much
better than their first album.

Scott pushes through the idiot hordes. SEX BOB-OMB are
playing onstage, now using SWEET BRAND amps, YOUNG NEIL on
bass. Stills sees Scott walking by as they finish a song.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott!

Scott pauses, looking up at his former bandmates.

STEPHEN STILLS
Let it go. Don’t give him the
satisfaction.

SCOTT
What if I want the satisfaction?

STEPHEN STILLS
Well, then you’re doomed.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
124.


Scott Pilgrim!

Scott turns to see GIDEON sitting on a throne of cool atop
a BLACK VELVET VIP PYRAMID. Ramona kneels at his side.

GIDEON GRAVES
Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos
Theatre. Somebody get this man a
drink! Coke Zero right?

A COCKTAIL WAITRESS with a fringe appears with a Coke Zero.

Scott takes the beverage and THROWS THE CUP TO THE FLOOR!

SCOTT
I’m not here to drink.

GIDEON GRAVES
I got no beef with you.

SCOTT
What if I have a beef...with you?

GIDEON GRAVES
Are you still mad about that whole
thing with the Guild?

SCOTT
You mean ’The League’?

GIDEON GRAVES
Guild, League, whatever. It’s
ancient history.

Gideon puts his arm around Ramona.

SCOTT
I’ll show you how ancient of
history it is.

Scott gets into a fighting stance. Gideon loses his cool.

GIDEON GRAVES
No use crying over spilt Coke,
buddy. The lady made her choice and
we’re all gonna have to move on.

SCOTT
Well I ain’t moving...buddy.

GIDEON GRAVES
You want to fight me for her?
125.


SCOTT
Was that not clear?
(to Sex-Bob-Omb)
Was that not clear?

Sex Bob-Omb shake their heads. Gideon stands up, flexes.

GIDEON GRAVES
Now why on earth do you want to do
that?

SCOTT
Because, I’m in love with her.

Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A new power comes over Scott.
He reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty
vintage T-shirt and pulls a FLAMING BLUE SWORD from his own
chest.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Scott earned the power of love...

Ramona looks away from Scott. Gideon smiles.

GIDEON GRAVES
I think this deserves a song.
Kimberly?

Kim scratches her head with her middle finger before
grudgingly launching into a number.

KIM PINE
We are Sex Bob-Omb, we are here to
make money, and sell out and stuff.

Kim clicks out a fast tempo. Sex Bob-Omb begin to ROCK OUT.

A HORDE OF HIPSTER INDIE KIDS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM, ON
BEAT.

Scott swings at them with his FLAMING BLUE SWORD. He
slashes at them to the beat, exploding each attacker into
COINS.

Scott then RUNS up the side of the pyramid towards Gideon.

GIDEON GRAVES
Ramona. My cane.

Ramona hands Gideon a cane with G-MAN engraved on the
handle. He unsheathes a SWORD that could not have fit in
there.
126.


Scott and Gideon LEAP towards each other...Gideon descends
like a vulture and SMASHES the sword out of Scott’s hands.

Scott hits the ground HARD, rolling to a stop.

SCOTT
Your club sucks, by the way.

Gideon approaches, to administer a final blow.

GIDEON GRAVES
If my cathedral of cutting edge
taste holds no interest for your
tragically Canadian sensibilities,
then I shall grant you a swift exit
from the premises. And fast
entrance into HELLLLLLL.

Gideon raises his sword. Then from above...

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
SCOOOOOOOOOTT!!!

KNIVES CHAU sails into frame and KICKS the sword out of
Gideon’s hands. She lands awkwardly, tripping and falling
down the side of the pyramid. Gideon chuckles.

GIDEON GRAVES
That is priceless.

Scott looks to Knives, both concerned and amazed. She
quickly recovers and POINTS a furious finger.

’KNIVES CHAU, 18 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: SCOTTAHOLIC’

KNIVES CHAU
You’ll pay for what you did to him!

GIDEON GRAVES
Listen, Kung Pao Chicken, your old
old boyfriend brought this all on
himself. He was warned plenty of
times. But did he listen? Did he f-

KNIVES CHAU
I’m not talking to you. I’m talking
to HER!

Angle on a confused RAMONA standing behind Gideon.

RAMONA
What?
127.


KNIVES CHAU
YOU BROKE THE HEART THAT BROKE
MINE! GET READY TO CHAU DOWN!

Knives leaps up the pyramid toward a shocked Ramona!

RAMONA
You’re kidding right?

Knives pulls out KNIVES and charges! Ramona fights
defensively, redirecting Knives’ parries without harming
her.

GIDEON GRAVES
You can’t say I don’t know how to
put on a show.

GIDEON lashes out at Scott. He can barely block Gideon’s
tremendous blows, distracted by his duelling exes.

RAMONA
What the hell is your deal?

KNIVES CHAU
You stole him with your advanced
American slut technology.

DUAL DUEL! The fighters weave in and out of each other,
throwing blocks and punches, KUNG FU STYLE.

RAMONA
I don’t know what you’re talking
about, I didn’t steal anyone.

Scott lands a KICK to Gideon’s chest, sending him flying
off the edge of the pyramid. He then BLOCKS a punch from
Knives to Ramona and spins her away, separating them.

SCOTT
Can we please stop all this
fighting! Nobody stole anybody.
Knives, I dated you and then I
dated Ramona. Okay?
(beat)

SCOTT
I mean...maybe I kind of forgot to
tell Knives right away, but...

KNIVES CHAU
Then you cheated on me, Scott!
(eyes narrowing)
You cheated on both of us.
128.


Knives and Ramona both look at Scott, neither amused.

RAMONA
You cheated on me with Knives?

SCOTT
No! I cheated on Knives. With you.

RAMONA
Is there a difference?

SCOTT
You weren’t wronged?

Scott breaks into a flop sweat.

SCOTT
Right?

Knives and Ramona stare at Scott.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Game over!

STAB! A sword pierces Scott’s chest from behind.

GIDEON GRAVES
Scottie. You can cheat on these
ladies all you want, but you
can’t...cheat...death.

Scott slides off Gideon’s sword and falls to the ground...
TEXT WITH ARROW POINTING TO SCOTT: ’DEAD’ Everything goes
white...SAND blows through frame...Scott’s eyes blink open.
He looks up into a BLINDING BLUE SKY...
Genres: []

Summary Scott faces off against Gideon Graves and Knives Chau in a fantastical fight, while also coming to terms with his past mistakes in his relationships with both Ramona and Knives.
Strengths "Fantastical fight scene with a great use of music, emotional weight conveyed through character relationships and conflicts, impressive visual effects for fight sequences."
Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels a bit repetitive or on the nose for character development."
Critique Overall, the scene is visually exciting and full of action. However, the dialogue exchange between Comeau and the hipster kids feels unnecessary and doesn't add much to the plot or characterization. The introduction of the "power of love" and the flaming blue sword feels sudden and out of place. The fighting scenes are well-written, and the use of coins exploding from defeated attackers is a fun and unique element. The twist ending with Scott's death also adds a new layer of stakes and drama to the story. However, the scene could benefit from more character development and clearer motivations for each character's actions.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could be improved by making it more concise and focused on the main conflict. Here are some specific suggestions:

- The descriptions of the hipster kids and their outfits are unnecessary and add nothing to the scene. Instead, use that time to establish the stakes of the fight between Scott and Gideon more clearly.
- Consider getting rid of the song that Kimberly sings and have the fight action take its place. This would make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
- The dialogue between Knives, Ramona, and Scott could be tightened up to make it more impactful. Consider cutting out some of the back-and-forth and focusing on the emotional core of the conflict.
- When Gideon stabs Scott, it should come as more of a surprise. As written, it's telegraphed too clearly and loses some of its shock value. Try to make it more sudden and unexpected.
- Finally, the sand blowing through frame at the end feels random and out of place. Consider ending the scene on a more impactful beat, such as Scott's final words or a shot of Ramona's reaction to his death.



Scene 40 -  Ramona's Confession
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
99 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - DAY 99

Scott sits up next to a lone cactus, rubbing his temples.

SCOTT
Ugh.

Ramona appears out of nowhere; fainter than before.

RAMONA
Sorry. Dying probably sucks.

SCOTT
You know what sucks? Getting killed
by THAT guy. Why him?
129.


RAMONA
It’s complicated.

SCOTT
Well, maybe now would be the time
to get into it. Seeing as I’m about
to die.

RAMONA
Alright... the truth is, it was me
who was obsessed. I was crazy about
him. But he ignored me. I was more
alone when we were together than I
ever was on my own. That’s why I
had to leave... and that’s when he
started paying attention.

SCOTT
So why go back?

RAMONA
I can’t help myself around him,
Scott. He just... has a way of
getting into my head.

SCOTT
Well, that’s legitimately
disappointing. I really will leave
you alone forever now...

RAMONA
No. I mean, he literally has a way
of getting into my head.

Ramona lifts her hair up on the back of her head, revealing
a blinking CHIP implanted on her skull.

SCOTT
That is evil.

RAMONA
He’s like that.

Ramona covers the chip, self-consciously touching her hair.

SCOTT
So this kinda sucks for everybody,
eh?

RAMONA
I’m sorry it had to end this way.
We had a good run, I guess.
130.


SCOTT
You can’t say I didn’t try. I
really fought for you back there.

RAMONA
Uh-huh.

The winds blow harder, Ramona seeming to fade away.

RAMONA
But someone was fighting pretty
hard for you back there.

Scott’s eyes go wide with epiphany.

SCOTT
Knives?

RAMONA
I wish I was ever as fanatically
devoted to anything as that girl is
to you.

Ramona slowly dissolve away in the sand.

SCOTT
I feel like I learned something.
Which would be great if I wasn’t
dead.

Ramona is gone. Scott slumps to his knees.

SCOTT
So...so alone.

DA-DING. The PILGRIM-HEAD appears and rotates around Scott.

SCOTT
Ahhhhhh...

We FLASH BACK to Scott swiping the PILGRIM HEAD, then FAST
FORWARD through the breakup with Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb. We
hear Scott screaming throughout this magical restart.

SCOTT
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Genres: ["Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Ramona reveals her past relationship with Gideon and her current situation with him to Scott before fading away.
Strengths "The scene reveals important backstory and character motivations, leading to Scott's realization and character growth. The dialogue is witty and humorous, balancing the sad and serious moments. The use of the dream desert as a setting adds to the surreal and fantastical tone."
Weaknesses "The scene feels slightly repetitive and draggy, with Ramona's confession being a bit of a retread of previous scenes. The stakes could be higher, as the conflict mainly involves Scott's personal feelings and relationships rather than life or death situations."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effective in conveying important information about Ramona and Scott's relationship dynamic. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, there is a lack of visual description in the scene. As a screenwriting expert, you would want to add in more detail about the setting and visuals to enhance the reader's understanding and immersion in the scene. For example, you could describe the colors of the desert, the temperature of the sand, and the way Ramona appears and disappears.

Secondly, the dialogue could be tightened up a bit. Some of the lines feel repetitive or unnecessary, such as when Scott says "you know what sucks?" and then goes on to explain what sucks. Additionally, the exchange between Scott and Ramona about Knives feels a bit rushed and could use more development.

Finally, there could be more attention paid to character motivation. For example, why does Ramona feel the need to reveal the chip in her head at this particular moment? Is she trying to encourage Scott to fight back against her ex or is she simply sharing information?

Overall, while there are some areas for improvement, this scene effectively conveys important information and sets up the plot for the rest of the story.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Build more tension - The scene has a lot of potential for tense moments, especially when Ramona reveals the truth about her relationship with the villain. Build-up the tension slowly to make the scene more engaging.

2. Emphasize the stakes - The scene can benefit from more emphasis on the stakes. It's important to show how Ramona's situation affects Scott and his motivation to fight the villain.

3. Clarify the timeline - The flashback needs to be clarified. Is it a recap of what has happened so far in the story? Or is it a glimpse into a specific event in the past? Make it clearer for the audience.

4. Add more emotion - The scene is emotionally heavy for both Scott and Ramona. Show more of their emotions and the impact of their situation on them. This will make the audience care more about their predicament.

5. Improve the dialogue - The dialogue can be made more natural and engaging. Use more subtext and conflict to make the conversation between Scott and Ramona more interesting. Also, use language that is more true to the characters for added authenticity.



Scene 41 -  Scott breaks the wall
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
100 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 100

We FAST FORWARD all the way to Wallace’s apartment, as
Scott enters. He flicks the light on.
131.


SCOTT
...AAAAAAAAAHHH! I CAN’T BELIEVE I
HAD TO SEE THAT AGAIN!

SOME GUY (O.S.)
Again?

WALLACE (O.S.)
Turn off the light!

Scott flicks the light off. On PITCH BLACK...

SCOTT (O.S.)
Wallace, when my journey began, I
was living in an ordinary world.
Ramona skated through my dreams and
it was like a call to adventure, a
call I considered refusing. But my
Mentor, that’s you, told me if I
want something bad enough I have to
fight for it. So I did. There were
tests, allies, enemies. I
approached a deep cave and went
through a crazy ordeal, during
which I totally seized the sword.
Sadly, I died. Then I resurrected!
Now I realize what I should have
been fighting for all along. But
before I do that, I need to ask one
final favor of you.

WALLACE (O.S.)
Sure thing, guy.

SCOTT (O.S.)
Could you put a robe on and hand me
the phone?

Wallace flicks on a bedside lamp, hands him the phone.

SCOTT
Toronto. Chaos Theatre. Gideon
Graves.
(beat)
Tell him Scott Pilgrim is calling.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Scott. I was just about to-

SCOTT
132.


Hey, pal. I feel terrible about
everything. I don’t want any hard
feelings, so I figure why not be
the bigger man and give you a call.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Um...

SCOTT
Sorry, what I meant to say is ’I’m
coming over to kill you’.

Scott hangs up and heads for the door, hardcore.

WALLACE
GO KICK THAT GUY’S ASS!

Wallace stands to high five Scott, exposing his junk.

WALLACE
Ah, sorry.

SCOTT
You seen one...


101 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - NIGHT 101

Scott Pilgrim RUNS towards the desolate WAREHOUSES. The
same HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette against the wall.

SCOTT
Your hair looks stupid.

The Hipster Kid EXPLODES into COINS.


102 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 102

Scott approaches the two Hipster Kids guarding the
ELEVATOR.

HIPSTER KID
’Sup?

SCOTT
Whatever.

Scott SPLIT KICKS them in the faces, knocking them out.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Scott has a conversation with Wallace and then heads to confront Gideon Graves, running into and defeating two hipster kids along the way.
Strengths "The scene effectively showcases Scott's growth and determination, while also featuring some exciting action scenes and funny moments."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could have been more memorable and impactful, and the emotional resonance of the scene is somewhat limited."
Critique Overall, this scene has good energy and forward motion, but there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, the transition from "FAST FORWARD" to the conversation between Scott and the other characters feels abrupt and doesn't give the audience any context for what has happened in the time jump. It would be more effective to establish this with a brief montage or scene to convey the passage of time.

Second, while the monologue from Scott has some good thematic resonance with the story, it feels a bit heavy-handed and on-the-nose. It might be more effective to break up the exposition with more action or dialogue that advances the plot.

Lastly, there is some unnecessary exposition in the dialogue between Scott and Wallace, particularly when Wallace agrees to help and hands him the phone. It would be more efficient and impactful to get straight to the phone call with Gideon.

On the positive side, the Hipster Kid exploding into coins is a fun and effective visual gag that is in line with the surreal tone of the film. The action beats in the final scene are clear and well-written, effectively conveying the fight choreography without getting bogged down in unnecessary detail.

In summary, this scene has some good elements but would benefit from some fine-tuning to improve pacing, dialogue, and exposition.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Establish the stakes: The scene could benefit from some context. What is at stake for Scott in this scene? What is his motivation for going after Gideon? Providing some context helps the audience understand the importance of the scene.

2. Create tension: Tension is what makes a scene interesting to watch. Add more tension to the scene by making it clear that there are stakes involved. Make it clear that Scott is taking a big risk by going after Gideon and that there could be serious consequences.

3. Use visual storytelling: Instead of having Scott explain his journey to Wallace over the phone, try showing it through flashbacks or other visual cues. This will make the scene more engaging and help the audience understand Scott's journey better.

4. Tighten up the dialogue: Some of the dialogue in this scene feels like it could be trimmed down. Try to simplify the dialogue and make it more concise. This will make the scene flow better and keep the audience engaged.

5. Add more action: This scene could benefit from more action and choreography. Find ways to make the fight with the Hipster Kids more creative and engaging. This will help keep the audience on the edge of their seats and add more excitement to the scene.



Scene 42 -  The Ultimate Showdown!
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
103 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 103
133.


DING! Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON’S
UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT: THE CHAOS THEATRE...AGAIN.

COMEAU
Yeah, their first album is so-

Scott KNOCKS DOWN Comeau and looks to Sex Bob-Omb.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott! Let it go.

SCOTT
Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing.
Stephen, the new line-up rocks. You
guys sound better without me. Young
Neil? You have learned well. From
this point forward, you shall be
known as ’Neil’. And Kim?

Kim looks at Scott, deadpan as ever.

SCOTT
Sorry about...everything.

Kim shrugs.

SCOTT
Sorry about me.

Kim SMILES at Scott for the first time ever.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Scott Pilgim!

Scott turns to GIDEON on his throne, Ramona at his side.

GIDEON GRAVES
Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos-

SCOTT
Save it. You’re pretentious, the
club sucks, I have beef, let’s do
it.

Scott goes straight into fight mode.

GIDEON GRAVES
You want to fight me for her?

Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A strange new power overcomes
Scott, different than before.
134.


SCOTT
No...I want to fight you for me.

Scott reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty T-
shirt and pulls a FLAMING RED SWORD from his own chest.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Scott earned the power of self-
respect.

SCOTT
Kim?

KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB, AND WE ARE HERE
TO WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR
TEETH IN!

Kim drives a hardcore beat. Sex Bob-Omb ROCK THE FUCK OUT.

HIPSTERS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM to the BEAT. Scott swings his
FLAMING RED SWORD, exploding each attacker into COINS.

GIDEON GRAVES
Ramona. My cane.

Ramona hands Gideon his cane. He unsheathes his SWORD.
Scott and Gideon RUN towards each other, LEAPING in the
air. They pass in the air and Scott SLASHES. They land on
opposite sides of the platform, backs to each other.

SCOTT
How’s it going back there?

GIDEON GRAVES
You dick.

Gideon falls down. Dead, apparently. Scott calls out.

SCOTT
Knives! I know you’re in here!
Don’t attack Ra-

Knives SAILS through the air and KICKS Ramona in the head
SUPER HARD. We hear a METALLIC KLONK.

They square off, Ramona staggered, Knives pulling KNIVES.

KNIVES CHAU
Steal my boyfriend, taste my steel.

Scott jumps between them, hands held out.
135.


SCOTT
ENOUGH!

Knives tries to go around him. Scott GRABS her wrists. She
kicks him in the face.

KNIVES CHAU
No, Scott! This fat ass hurt me and
I will have my revenge!

SCOTT
No, Knives. I hurt you. I cheated
on you.

Knives steps back, stunned.

KNIVES CHAU
You cheated on me, Scott?

SCOTT
I cheated on both of you. And I’m
sorry. I was a different guy back
then.

Knives’ frown melts. Scott turns to Ramona.

SCOTT
And...you’re not a fat ass. She
didn’t mean that. So, are we all
good?

Ramona rubs the back of her head. The CHIP no longer
blinks.

RAMONA
Never felt better.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
Are we all done with the hugging
and learning? I thought we had a
fight going here.

All turn to see GIDEON; bloodied, but still grinning, a
lopsided slash across his face accentuating his smirk.

SCOTT
Oh, you got a fight alright.

Scott steps into a fighting stance. Knives joins him.

GIDEON GRAVES
Ramona. Are you with me?
136.


Ramona looks to Gideon, then joins Scott and Knives and
STRIKES A FIGHT POSE, the three of them ready to rumble.

GIDEON GRAVES
Wrong move, baby.

Scott ATTACKS with his sword. Gideon BLOCKS, disarms Scott
with one move, spins and BUTTS Scott in the face with the
hilt of the sword. Scott teeters on the edge of the
pyramid.

Knives throws her knives. Gideon’s lightning fast sword
deflects them, SHING SHING!

Gideon wheels towards Ramona, expecting her to move. She
looks doubtful, takes a hesitant step towards him. He
grins.

GIDEON GRAVES
Yeah. You’re still my girl.

Ramona steps up to Gideon and whispers in his ear.

RAMONA
Let’s both be girls.

Ramona knees Gideon in the balls.

Gideon SWINGS his sword at Ramona. Knives whips off her
scarf, uses it to wrap up Gideon’s sword arm and disarms
him. Scott and Knives punch Gideon in the face in a volley
of FREEZE FRAMES.

Knives KICKS Gideon in the stomach and Scott follows with a
PUNCH IN THE NOSE, sending Gideon sliding across the floor.

Gideon gets back to his feet via backflip. He shakes off
the assault and grins.

GIDEON GRAVES
You made me swallow me gum. That’s
going to be in my digestive tract
for seven years!

Gideon throws a series of Wushu moves that give him a POWER
UP - his glasses glow, his HEALTH BAR increases. He makes
an ’X’ with his fingers and a draws a NEW POWER UP SWORD.

He cuts big arcs at Scott, Knives and Ramona. They barely
dodge him. Scott SPIES his sword and picks it up just in
time to BLOCK Gideon’s attack. The swords create an ’X’.

Ramona KICKS. Gideon BLOCKS, knocking her down.
137.


Gideon swings at Scott. Scott ducks. Knives attacks and
scores a hit. Gideon hits her back, dropping her. SCOTT
ATTACKS. They fence. Gideon spins low. Scott leaps in the
air. Gideon spins again and swings upward. Scott blocks
with his sword and is sent UP into the air.

Gideon jumps after him. They CLASH in the air. Scott’s
sword SHATTERS.

Scott lands hard. Gideon lands in front of him and raises
his sword for the kill. Ramona swings Gideon’s VELVET ROPE,
cancelling out Gideon’s digital sword.

Gideon SLAPS Ramona in the face and sends her painfully
tumbling down the pyramid. She lands painfully at the
bottom. Knives and Scott share a look. They Get up and
circle Gideon.

COMBO ATTACK! FREEZE FRAME PUNCHES: Knives kicks and Scott
punches, sending Gideon back and forth like a pinball: KICK
PUNCH KICK PUNCH KICK! Gideon’s face smashes with each
impact.

Ramona rises to see Scott and Knives kicking ass. Scott
slides Knives through Gideon’s legs. From the floor, she
kicks him in the back of the head, then upends him like a
wheelbarrow and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE, sending him
spinning.

Gideon lands HARD on his knees, defeated. One lens of his
glasses cracks. He looks up at the steely eyed Scott.

GIDEON GRAVES
Who do you think you are Pilgrim?
You think you’re better than me?
I’ll tell you what you are. A pain
in my ass. You know how long it
took to get all the evil exes’
contact information so I could form
this stupid league? Like two hours!

Gideon starts to pixellate quite badly. Not long now...

GIDEON GRAVES
You’re not cool enough for Ramona.
You’re zero. You’re nothing. Me?
I’m what’s hip. I’m what’s
happening. I’m blowing up right
now.

SCOTT
138.


You’re right. I’m not cool enough
for Ramona. And you got another
thing right. You are blowing up.
Right now.

Scott spins and BACK HEELS Gideon in the face. Gideon’s
head EXPLODES, his glasses SAILING down the steps of the
pyramid.

Then his body follows suit in an almighty-POOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

SHIMMERING COINS rain down. Scott and Knives kiss.

YOUNG NEIL
Whoa...

KIM PINE
There goes our deal.

STEPHEN STILLS
We’re still getting paid, right?

Kim points to the falling coins.

KIM PINE
There goes our deal.

YOUNG NEIL
Oh...

Stills jumps off stage and picks up coins.

The coin rain continues, silhouetting Scott and Knives in
their kung fu poses. They share a smile.

RAMONA (O.S.)
You two make a good combo.

Ramona, awake now, makes her way towards them.

SCOTT
Yeah?

RAMONA
Yeah.

The trio walk down the pyramid steps. Scott picks up
Gideon’s fallen glasses.

The glasses GLIMMER. GIDEON’S VOICE echoes.

GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
139.


You can defeat me...but can you
defeat...yourself?

Scott peers into the glimmering lenses, spotting his EVIL
MIRROR IMAGE staring back at him. The glasses dissolve and
Scott whips around to face...

KNIVES CHAU
Negascott!

NEGASCOTT walks towards Scott, Knives and Ramona. Fringed
hair. Dark clothes. Evil face.

Knives and Ramona flank Scott in a fighting stance.

SCOTT
No. This is something I have to
face on my own.

The girls reluctantly exit stage left as Scott walks
forward to confront his dark side.

Scott and Negascott face off. Both take a step forward...
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Scott faces off against Gideon and Knives in a fantastical fight and comes to terms with his past mistakes in relationships.
Strengths "Visually stunning fight scenes, exciting character reveals, satisfying resolution to the conflicts."
Weaknesses "Negascott's sudden appearance feels rushed and not fully fleshed out, some dialogue could have been stronger."
Critique This scene is well-written and action-packed. The fight choreography is engaging, and the dialogue is snappy. However, one issue with this scene is the lack of character development for the supporting characters, particularly Knives and Ramona. They don't have much to do besides being love interests and participating in the fight. It would have been great to see more dimension and agency from these characters. Additionally, the scene feels a little rushed towards the end when Negascott is introduced. There could have been more setup and foreshadowing for this twist. Overall, the scene is well-executed but could have benefited from more attention to character development.
Suggestions While the scene offers an exciting climax to the story, there are a few areas where it could be improved:

1. The dialogue could use some trimming. Some lines, like "I know what I'm doing" and "Sorry about... everything" feel unnecessary and slow down the pace of the scene.

2. The fight choreography could be more detailed. Right now, the action feels a bit vague in places, which makes it difficult to visualize.

3. The introduction of Negascott feels sudden and could benefit from some foreshadowing earlier in the story.

4. The emotional beats of the scene could be heightened. While there are some good moments between the characters, there could be more weight given to the final confrontation between Scott and his evil self.

Overall, the scene has potential but could use some refinement to make it truly memorable.



Scene 43 -  Redemption and Reconciliation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
104 EXT. THE WAREHOUSE - EVENING 104

Knives and Ramona huddle in the snow outside Chaos Theatre.

They look expectantly at the entrance, worried for Scott.

Then...

Scott strolls out with Negascott. They chat amiably, shake
hands and part ways. Scott approaches Knives and Ramona.

KNIVES CHAU
What happened?

SCOTT
Aw, nothing. We just shot the shit.
He’s a super-nice guy. We actually
have a lot in common.

Scott runs his fingers through his hair.

KNIVES CHAU
Your hair.

SCOTT
What?
140.


KNIVES CHAU
It’s getting really shaggy.

Scott’s HAT appears on his head! He looks totally freked.

SCOTT
Yeah?

KNIVES CHAU
I like it.

Knives removes the hat from Scott’s head, literally taking
his guard down. Ramona sees this and smiles.

SCOTT
You do?

Scott smiles, then realizes Ramona has gone. He turns to
see her, pulling her hood up and walking into the darkness.

Scott calls after her. Steps tentatively away from Knives.

SCOTT
Hey... Where are you going?

Ramona, hoping to slip away, stops and turns back.

RAMONA
I dunno. I should probably
disappear.

SCOTT
After all that?

RAMONA
It’s hard, you know? I came here to
get away, but the past keeps
catching up. I’m tired of people
getting hurt because of me.

Ramona looks at Knives as she says this.

SCOTT
I think I understand.

Snow begins to fall. Ramona straightens his parka tenderly.

RAMONA
I should thank you, though.

SCOTT
For what?
141.


RAMONA
For being the nicest guy I ever
dated.

SCOTT
That’s kind of sad.

RAMONA
(laughing)
It is kind of sad.

She takes his hand briefly, then lets it drop.

RAMONA
Well... Bye and stuff.

SCOTT
Yeah. And stuff.

She turns to walk off again. Scott watches, then hears-

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Go get her.

Surprised, Scott turns back to see a smiling Knives.

SCOTT
Wha?

KNIVES CHAU
You earned it. You’ve been fighting
for her all along.

SCOTT
But what about you?

KNIVES CHAU
(totally sweet and sad)
I’ll be fine. I’m too cool for you
anyway.

She grins and kisses his cheek.

KNIVES CHAU
There’s someone out there for me.

We hear a COUGH - Young Neil sidles into frame behind her.

Guitar still in hand.

We hear a 2ND COUGH - Nega Scott also sidles into frame.
142.


Knives doesn’t look back, but urges Scott to-

KNIVES CHAU
Go talk to her. Before she’s gone.

Ramona walks on into the night alone, but then-

SCOTT (O.S.)
Hey... mind if I tag along?

Ramona is flabbergasted to see a cheery Scott walk
alongside.

RAMONA
You want to come with me?

SCOTT
(hopeful)
I thought maybe we could... try
again?

Ramona smiles. She holds out her hand like in the park
scene earlier. Scott takes it.

We see the door with the star on it, standing right in the
middle of the street, snow swirling around it.

Scott and Ramona walk towards the door, sunrise coming up
over Toronto, night magically turning to day, winter
turning to spring.

Over this magical transformation, we hear a lush rendition
of ’˜Ramona’ swelling and hear whispers of gossip over
Toronto’s cell phone airwaves.

JULIE (V.O.)
Oh my God, can I blow your mind?
Scott Pilgrim totally threw down
with Gideon Graves at the grand
opening of Chaos Theater. Yeah, it
was apparently awesome.

STACEY (V.O.)
Oh my God, it was a HUGE fight. I
mean bananas. My little brother
kicked a guy’s head off. Literally.
It was unbelievable. Someone
seriously should have been filming
it.

Scott and Ramona walk through the door. Tilt up to the
heavens and reveal the CONTINUE graphic in the stars.
143.


CONTINUE? 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
Genres: ["Romance","Fantasy","Action","Comedy"]

Summary Scott reconciles with Ramona and Knives and walks into a magical door with Ramona as winter turns into spring.
Strengths "Well-executed resolution of character arcs, Successfully ties together the main themes of redemption and forgiveness"
Weaknesses "Pacing may be too slow for some viewers"
Critique Overall, the scene is functional and serves as a resolution to several character arcs. However, there are some areas for improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue could be sharper and more distinct to each character. At times, it feels like they all speak with the same tone and voice.

Secondly, the blocking and character movements could be more purposeful. The scene could benefit from more physicality and action to keep the audience engaged and interested.

Finally, the emotional beats could be heightened. While the scene hits the necessary story points, it could benefit from more depth and nuance in the character emotions to really connect with the audience.

Overall, the scene could use some refinement to really make it stand out and be memorable.
Suggestions One possible suggestion to improve this scene is to add more visual cues to show the emotions of the characters. For example, instead of just having Ramona say that she is tired of hurting people, you could add a shot of her looking down or pulling her hood up, signaling her sadness and desire to be alone. Similarly, you could show Scott's hesitation as he considers Knives' advice to go after Ramona, perhaps through a shot of him biting his lip or rubbing his neck.

Another suggestion would be to build on the theme of transformation that runs throughout the script. You could do this by adding more imagery of the changing seasons or of the city transforming during the sunrise. This would not only provide a visual backdrop for the scene, but would also reinforce the idea that the characters are changing and growing as they move forward.

Finally, you could consider adding more dialogue exchanges between the characters to deepen their relationships and give them more of a chance to express their feelings. For example, you could have Ramona open up more about her past and her fears about being with Scott, or you could have Scott express more regret about how he treated Knives in the past. This would not only add more emotional weight to the scene, but would also provide a satisfying conclusion to the characters' arcs.