Scott pilgrim vs. the world

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Comedy, Romance, Action, Fantasy, Drama, Music, Romantic Comedy, Coming-of-age, Musical

Setting: Contemporary, Toronto, Canada

Overview: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World follows the journey of Scott Pilgrim, a quirky and clueless young man, as he navigates his relationships with high school student Knives Chau and the enigmatic Ramona Flowers. Along the way, Scott must confront his past mistakes, face Ramona's seven evil exes, and ultimately learn to prioritize what truly matters in life.

Themes: Romantic Relationships, Personal Growth and Identity, The Power of Music, Dealing with Evil Exes, The Battle of the Bands, Love Triangles, Friendship and Loyalty

Conflict and Stakes: Scott's quest to defeat Ramona's seven evil exes in order to win her heart. The stakes are high, as Scott must face each ex in a battle of the bands.

Overall Mood: The overall mood or tone of the screenplay is lighthearted and comedic, with some darker and more serious moments. The film's humor is often derived from the characters' quirky personalities and the absurd situations they find themselves in.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The opening scene of the film is lighthearted and comedic, as Scott Pilgrim introduces himself and his band to the audience.
  • Scene 15: The scene where Scott Pilgrim confronts Gideon Graves is darker and more serious, as the stakes are raised and Scott must face his greatest challenge.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The film's unique premise, which blends elements of action, comedy, romance, and music, is its most distinctive feature.
  • Plot Twist: The revelation that Gideon Graves, Ramona's seventh evil ex, was controlling her mind through a chip implanted in her skull is a major plot twist.
  • Distinctive Setting: The film's setting in Toronto, Canada gives it a unique visual appeal and helps to distinguish it from other films in the genre.

Comparable Scripts:

  • Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
  • 500 Days of Summer
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • Juno
  • The Perks of Being a Wallflower
  • High Fidelity
  • Adventureland

Writing Style:

The screenplay showcases a blend of humor, wit, and quirky elements, with a strong emphasis on character dynamics and dialogue-driven storytelling. It effectively weaves together different genres and styles, including comedy, action, romance, and fantasy, creating a unique and engaging narrative experience.

Style Similarities:

  • Edgar Wright
  • Quentin Tarantino
  • Diablo Cody
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: The screenplay for 'Scott Pilgrim vs. the World' showcases a well-crafted story with engaging characters, witty dialogue, and visually striking settings. However, it could benefit from more consistent pacing, clearer character motivations, resolution of dangling plot threads, and further development of supporting characters. Despite these areas of improvement, the screenplay's strengths in characterization, humor, and thematic exploration make it a compelling and enjoyable read.


USP:
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:The budget for this screenplay would likely be in the range of $20-30 million.

Target Audience Demographics: This screenplay is likely to appeal to a wide audience, including fans of action, comedy, romance, and music. The target audience would likely be young adults and adults aged 16-35.

Marketability: This screenplay has a lot of potential to be marketed to a wide audience. It has a unique and engaging concept, a great cast of characters, and a lot of action and humor. It is also based on a popular graphic novel series, which will give it a built-in fan base.

This screenplay is unique and has a lot of potential to appeal to a wide audience. The unique blend of genres and compelling themes, as well as the diverse cast, will give it a lot of appeal. However, the lack of well-known actors may make it difficult to market to a mainstream audience.

This is a well-written screenplay with compelling characters and plot. It will be marketed to a niche audience, but could have potential for a cult following.

Profit Potential: This screenplay has the potential to be very profitable. It has the potential to appeal to a wide audience and generate a lot of repeat business. It also has the potential to be adapted into a successful franchise.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's unique voice is characterized by witty dialogue, quirky character interactions, and a blend of humor and introspection. This voice is consistent throughout the screenplay and contributes to the overall mood, themes, and depth of the story.

Best representation: Scene 7 - Awkward Encounters. Scene 7 is the best representation of the writer's unique voice because it perfectly captures the blend of humor, wit, and introspection that characterizes the screenplay as a whole. The dialogue is sharp and funny, but it also reveals the characters' deeper insecurities and vulnerabilities. This scene is a perfect example of how the writer's voice can be used to create a story that is both entertaining and emotionally resonant.

Memorable Lines:

  • Scott: I'm in lesbians with you. (Scene 36)
  • Scott: You once were a vegone, but now you will be gone! (Scene 31)
  • Matthew Patel: Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew Patel. Consider our fight...begun! (Scene 16)
  • Mystery Attacker: You punched me in the boob. Prepare to die, obviously. (Scene 25)
  • Scott: WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET SAD AND STUFF! (Scene 35)
Characters

Scott Pilgrim:A 22-year-old musician who falls in love with Ramona Flowers.

Ramona Flowers:A mysterious and enigmatic woman who has dated seven evil exes.

Knives Chau:A 17-year-old high school student who is in love with Scott.

Wallace Wells:Scott's roommate and best friend.

Stephen Stills:Scott's bandmate and friend.

Story Shape
Summary In this screenplay, Scott Pilgrim navigates through various challenges in his relationships with high school girl Knives Chau and love interest Ramona Flowers. Tensions arise among his friends and bandmates as he grapples with his feelings for both women. Along the way, he must confront Ramona's seven evil exes in epic battles that test his strength and determination. Through these trials, Scott learns valuable lessons about love, friendship, and self-improvement. Ultimately, he chooses to pursue a future with Ramona, leaving behind the past and embarking on a new chapter in his life.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay presents a well-developed and engaging plot that effectively blends elements of action, comedy, and romance. The story follows Scott Pilgrim's journey as he navigates his relationships and confronts his personal demons. The plot is structured in a manner that maintains a good pace and keeps the audience invested in the characters' arcs. The romantic relationships are believable and complex, with well-developed chemistry between the characters. The humor is well-integrated into the story, providing comedic relief without overshadowing the emotional core of the screenplay. Overall, the plot/story of the screenplay is a strong point, effectively engaging the audience and keeping them invested in the characters' journeys.
Suggestions: Consider exploring Scott Pilgrim's internal struggles and motivations in more depth. Delve into his past experiences and personal beliefs to provide a deeper understanding of his actions and decisions. Additionally, explore the dynamics between the characters further, highlighting their relationships and interactions to create a more nuanced and emotionally resonant story.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of the screenplay effectively introduces the main characters and establishes the central conflict. The dialogue is natural and engaging, allowing the audience to quickly connect with Scott Pilgrim and his bandmates. The premise of the story is intriguing, presenting a unique and imaginative world that captures the attention of the audience. The pacing is well-balanced, providing enough exposition to set the stage without overwhelming the audience with information.
Suggestions: Consider expanding on the introduction of Scott Pilgrim's bandmates. Provide more background information and establish their individual personalities to make them more memorable and relatable to the audience. Additionally, explore the relationship between Scott and Knives Chau in more depth, highlighting their initial attraction and the challenges they face as they navigate their age difference and cultural differences.
Middle The middle part of the screenplay maintains the momentum established in the beginning, offering a series of engaging and entertaining scenes. The introduction of Ramona Flowers adds a new layer of complexity to the story, and the conflicts that arise between Scott and his ex-girlfriends create tension and drive the plot forward. The pacing is well-balanced, allowing for both character development and action sequences.
Suggestions: Consider exploring the motivations of Scott's ex-girlfriends in more depth. Delve into their past relationships with Scott and the reasons behind their desire to defeat him. Additionally, explore the consequences of Scott's actions, highlighting the impact they have on his relationships and personal growth.
Ending The ending of the screenplay provides a satisfying resolution to the central conflict while leaving room for further exploration in future installments. The final confrontation between Scott and Gideon Graves is well-executed, providing a thrilling and emotionally resonant climax. The resolution of the romantic relationships is believable and emotionally satisfying, leaving the audience with a sense of closure and hope.
Suggestions: Consider expanding on the epilogue to provide a glimpse into the future of the characters. Explore how their experiences have shaped their lives and the paths they choose to take. Additionally, consider exploring the themes of love, loss, and redemption in more depth, highlighting the emotional journey of the characters and the lessons they learn along the way.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Scott Pilgrim and the High School Girl Humorous, Sarcastic, Light-hearted 8 8 79 9 487563776 99988
2 - Knives Meets the Band Light-hearted, Playful, Enthusiastic 8 8 79 8 587574776 99988
3 - Post-Knives' Departure Discussion Humorous, Sarcastic, Conversational 8 7 69 9 386463675 99888
4 - Scott's Secret Humorous, Reflective, Light-hearted 8 7 79 9 587584776 99988
5 - Scott and Knives' Accidental Date Light-hearted, Playful, Quirky 8 8 79 9 587664776 89888
6 - Scott and Knives: A Walk and a Dream Whimsical, Playful, Dreamy 8 8 79 8 687574677 99888
7 - Scott's Distracted Night Light-hearted, Whimsical, Reflective 8 8 78 8 687675777 79888
8 - Awkward Encounters Humorous, Light-hearted, Sarcastic 8 8 79 9 587685876 99988
9 - Scott and Wallace's Nighttime Revelations Humorous, Light-hearted, Sarcastic 8 8 79 9 787776876 89888
10 - Scott and Knives' Shopping Adventure Light-hearted, Whimsical, Nostalgic 8 8 79 8 687677867 99878
11 - An Unsual Encounter in the Hallway Whimsical, Awkward, Dreamy 8 8 79 8 687574777 99988
12 - Park Encounter Playful, Awkward, Intimate 8 8 77 9 787665877 88999
13 - Intimate Night at Ramona's Apartment Playful, Intimate, Awkward 8 8 79 9 787665778 89888
14 - The Band Battle Begins Awkward, Light-hearted, Humorous 8 8 89 7 587676876 99888
15 - Crash and the Boys' Performance Humorous, Intense, Exciting 8 8 79 8 787889877 79978
16 - Battle with Matthew Patel Humorous, Exciting, Fantastical 8 9 89 7 789998986 79988
17 - Romantic Revelations at The Rockit Humorous, Romantic, Action-packed 8 8 79 8 787888887 79988
18 - Scott's Date and Wallace's Ultimatum Light-hearted, Humorous, Playful 8 7 89 8 787786876 99978
19 - Unrequited Love at the Record Store Awkward, Heartbreaking, Uncomfortable 8 7 89 9 887777879 89888
20 - Awkward Encounters and New Beginnings Humorous, Awkward, Casual 8 7 88 8 787665877 99988
21 - Garlic Bread and Snow Hats Anxious, Playful, Awkward 8 8 79 9 687574777 89888
22 - The Endless Stairway null 0 0 09 0 087060070 09888
23 - Scott vs. Lucas Lee: The Fight on Set Humorous, Exciting, Light-hearted 8 8 89 7 789888976 79988
24 - Confronting Emotions and Unwanted Visitors Humorous, Reflective, Dramatic 8 8 79 9 787676788 89988
25 - Paranoia in the Alley Humorous, Sarcastic, Whimsical 8 8 79 9 587776886 89988
26 - Tense Coffee Encounter Humorous, Awkward, Confrontational 8 7 79 8 787886887 99988
27 - Scott, Ramona, and the Band Concert Jealousy, Regret, Awkwardness 8 8 77 9 787766778 89888
28 - Hair Coloring and Concert Confusion Humorous, Dramatic, Suspenseful 8 8 79 9 787887877 89988
29 - The Clash at Demonhead's Revelation Humorous, Tense, Dramatic 8 8 89 8 787979977 79888
30 - Tensions Run High Backstage Awkward, Witty, Tense, Humorous 8 9 79 8 687887887 99988
31 - The Vegan Diet Payback Humorous, Tense, Awkward, Confrontational 8 8 89 7 787988986 89988
32 - Pizza Place Dilemma Awkward, Reflective, Playful 8 8 78 9 787776878 89888
33 - Confrontation with Roxy Humorous, Tense, Dramatic 8 8 99 8 787998998 79988
34 - Preparing for the Katayanagi Battle Tense, Awkward, Doomed, Excited 8 8 89 7 687889876 79878
35 - Battle of the Bands: Sex Bob-Omb vs. The Katayanagi Twins Humorous, Intense, Epic, Surreal 9 9 89 7 887989987 89988
36 - Heartbreak and Betrayal Outside The Ninth Circle Romantic, Humorous, Dramatic 8 8 89 9 887888989 89988
37 - Reflections and Tensions Humorous, Reflective, Melancholic 8 8 79 8 787666778 79888
38 - Invitation to Revenge Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Humorous 8 7 89 7 887989877 99988
39 - Confrontation at the Chaos Theatre Humorous, Intense, Dramatic 9 9 89 9 887989988 89988
40 - Awakening in the Dream Desert Reflective, Intense, Emotional 9 9 89 9 887787889 89988
41 - Final Preparations Humorous, Intense, Sarcastic 9 9 89 8 787989988 79988
42 - Final Showdown at Chaos Theatre Humorous, Intense, Surreal, Emotional 9 9 88 9 989989879 89989
43 - Amicable Confrontation and a New Beginning Magical, Reflective, Bittersweet, Hopeful 9 9 89 9 887776879 89888


Scene 1 - Scott Pilgrim and the High School Girl
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
1.




1 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 1

Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear:

KIM PINE (V.O.)
Scott Pilgrim is dating a high
schooler?


2 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY 2

Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table.

STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.

STEPHEN STILLS
Really? Is she hot?

KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper.

KIM PINE
How old are you now, Scott? Like
twenty-eight?

SCOTT
I’m not playing your little games.

KIM PINE
So you’ve been out of high school
for like, 13 years and-

SCOTT (O.S.)
I’m twenty-two. Twenty-two!

STEPHEN STILLS
And you’re dating a high school
girl? Not bad, not bad.

YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts.

YOUNG NEIL
Like, did you guys ’do it’ yet?

SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an
unruly yet adorable mop of hair.

SCOTT
2.


We have done many things. We ride
the bus. We have meaningful
conversations about how yearbook
club went and about her friends
and, um...you know...drama.

STEPHEN STILLS
Yeah, okay, have you even kissed
her?

SCOTT
We almost held hands once, but then
she got embarrassed.

KIM PINE
Well. Aren’t you pleased as punch?

STEPHEN STILLS
So, what’s her name?

SCOTT
(pleased as punch)
Knives Chau. She’s Chinese.

STEPHEN STILLS
(under his breath)
Chinese...

Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.

YOUNG NEIL
Wicked! How’d you meet her?

SCOTT
I believe I mentioned the bus?

Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story:


3 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 3

KNIVES CHAU, 17, cute and innocent with clothes to match,
sits next to her mother, MOTHER CHAU, 45, demanding.

MOTHER CHAU
You are seventeen year old! Time to
get interested in boy!

KNIVES CHAU
Mom!

Knives DROPS her bag, books scattering everywhere.
3.


MOTHER CHAU
You drop book.

Knives crouches down to pick up her books, grumbling.

SCOTT (O.S.)
Hey...

Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM
holding her books. TEXT appears in an on-screen box:

"SCOTT PILGRIM, 22 YEARS OLD, RATING: AWESOME."

Stars appear in Knives’s eyes. Scott grins heroically.
Scott winks at Knives. Scott winks at the camera.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott Pilgrim and his friends discuss his relationship with the high school girl, Knives Chau. They talk about how they met and how their relationship is mostly limited to talking about school. However, there is some tension between Scott and Kim, who criticizes Scott for dating someone so much younger than him.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Quirky characters
  • Engaging premise
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Low stakes
Critique
  • The scene opens with a lot of exposition and dialogue that feels a bit forced and unnatural. The characters' reactions to Scott dating a high schooler seem a bit exaggerated and not fully fleshed out.
  • The dialogue feels a bit on the nose, with characters directly stating their thoughts and feelings instead of showing them through actions or subtler dialogue.
  • The transition from the kitchen table conversation to the flashback on the bus is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.
  • The introduction of Knives Chau and her mother on the bus feels a bit stereotypical and could benefit from more depth and nuance in their characterization.
  • The on-screen text and stars appearing in Knives's eyes come across as a bit cheesy and could be toned down for a more subtle approach.
  • Overall, the scene could use more subtlety in character interactions and dialogue to make it feel more authentic and engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the dialogue to be more natural and nuanced, allowing the characters to show their thoughts and feelings through actions and subtext.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different settings and time periods to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Avoid relying on stereotypes and cliches in character introductions, and strive for more depth and complexity in character development.
  • Tone down any overly cheesy or on-the-nose elements like on-screen text and exaggerated reactions to make the scene feel more grounded and realistic.
  • Focus on creating authentic and engaging interactions between characters to draw the audience in and make the scene more compelling.



Scene 2 - Knives Meets the Band
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
4 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY 4

Back in the kitchen, everyone looks at Scott...

KIM PINE
Is that seriously the end of the
story?

SCOTT
Yes. It is.

Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS.

STEPHEN STILLS
So when do we get to meet her?

KIM PINE
Oh please. Let it be soon.

DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. Scott smiles broadly.

SCOTT
That’s for me.


5 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 5

An eager Knives stands outside. Scott opens the door a
crack.

SCOTT
You promise to be good?

KNIVES CHAU
Of course I’ll be good!
4.


SCOTT
No, really. Please be good.

KNIVES CHAU
Am I normally not?

Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through.

SCOTT
Oh, hey. Knives, this is Stephen
Stills. He’s the talent.

STEPHEN STILLS
Hey.

STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives.

STEPHEN STILLS
Is she gonna geek out on us?

SCOTT
She’ll just sit in the corner, man.

STEPHEN STILLS
I mean, I want her to geek out on
us.

SCOTT
She’ll geek. She geeks. She has the
capacity to geek.

Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.

STEPHEN STILLS
You’re good.


6 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 6

Knives enters, looking around the rehearsal pad with awe:
Bare bulb, ratty rug, drums, guitar, bass, LAME BRAND amps.

KNIVES CHAU
Wow.

SCOTT
Knives, that’s Kim. Lemme get your
coat.

Scott throws Knives’ coat on the floor. Knives waves.

KNIVES CHAU
5.


Hi, sorry, what was your name?

KIM PINE (O.S.)
Kim.

KNIVES CHAU
You play the drums?

REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset, sticks in her hands.

KIM PINE
...yes.

KNIVES CHAU
That is so awesome.

SCOTT
Knives, that’s Young Neil.

KNIVES CHAU
Hi. What do you play?

YOUNG NEIL
Uh, wow...Zelda...Tetris...that’s
kind of a big question.

Knives stares blankly at Young Neil, who finally gets it.

YOUNG NEIL
Oh. I’m not in the band. I just
live here.

Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. Amps hum to life.

SCOTT
Let’s start with Launchpad McQuack.

STEPHEN STILLS
That’s not the actual title of the-

KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4!

Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK!

GUITAR AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR, SPELLING OUT OUR
TITLE...

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
6.


TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space
seems to GROW with the music. Stephen Stills barks
unintelligible lyrics.

Knives watches, jaw ajar. The song ends, feedback
lingering.

KNIVES CHAU
You guys...are so...amazing.


7 EXT. BUS STOP - EVENING 7

Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.

KNIVES CHAU
I can’t even...Sex Bob-Omb.
Amazing.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Music"]

Summary Scott introduces Knives to the band members in their rehearsal space. Knives is impressed by the band's performance, especially Young Neil. Stephen Stills initially hesitates to let Knives in, but is impressed by her reaction to the music. Knives watches the band perform and is amazed by their music. The scene ends with Scott bidding farewell to Knives as she gets on a bus.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Energetic tone
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited character development
Critique
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the kitchen to Stephen Stills' house, maintaining the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue between Scott, Knives, and Stephen Stills feels natural and captures the dynamic between the characters.
  • The introduction of Knives to the band members is well-executed, showcasing her awe and enthusiasm.
  • The description of the rehearsal pad and the band's gear helps set the scene and immerse the audience in the environment.
  • The ending with Knives being impressed by the band's performance sets up her admiration for them.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more interaction between Knives and the band members to further develop their relationships.
  • Explore Knives' reactions and emotions in more depth to show her character development throughout the scene.
  • Include more visual cues or actions to enhance the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.
  • Consider adding a bit more tension or conflict to create a more dynamic scene.
  • Ensure that the transition between locations is clear and seamless for the audience to follow.



Scene 3 - Post-Knives' Departure Discussion
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
8 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ ROOM - EVENING 8

The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills’ room.

STEPHEN STILLS
She seems nice.

SCOTT
Yeaaah.

YOUNG NEIL
She seems awesome.

SCOTT
Yeaaah.

KIM PINE
Scott, if your life had a face I
would punch it.

SCOTT
Yeaaah...wait, what?

KIM PINE
I mean, are you really happy or are
you really evil?

SCOTT
Like, do I have ulterior motives or
something? I’m offended, Kim.

STEPHEN STILLS
Wounded even?
7.


SCOTT
Hurt, Kim.

KIM PINE
You? Hurt?

Scott takes a breath, turns to Young Neil.

SCOTT
Neil, you were saying she seems
awesome.

YOUNG NEIL
Yeah, she seems awesome.

SCOTT
Yeaaaah...
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In Stills' room, Young Neil and Stills praise Knives, while Scott remains uncertain. Kim confronts Scott, accusing him of ulterior motives and challenging his true feelings. The tension between them is temporarily resolved when Scott redirects the conversation to Young Neil, who once again compliments Knives, leaving the air with a sense of unresolved tension.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Low emotional impact
  • Minimal character change
Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene lacks depth and substance, with characters repeating 'Yeaaah' multiple times without adding much to the conversation.
  • Kim Pine's sudden shift from making a punchline about Scott's life to questioning his motives feels forced and out of place.
  • The interaction between the characters feels superficial and lacks emotional depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the scene.
  • The scene does not effectively advance the plot or reveal new information about the characters, making it feel stagnant and uninteresting.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the dynamics between the band members and Young Neil in a more meaningful way.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more meaningful and engaging dialogue that reveals character motivations and relationships.
  • Focus on creating a more natural flow of conversation that feels authentic to the characters and their dynamics.
  • Explore deeper emotional conflicts and tensions between the characters to add depth to the scene.
  • Introduce new information or plot developments that move the story forward and engage the audience.
  • Consider incorporating interactions that showcase the unique dynamics between the band members and Young Neil to add depth to the scene.



Scene 4 - Scott's Secret
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
9 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - EVENING 9

Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny, one room apartment. He
turns to WALLACE WELLS, dark hair, arched eyebrow,
disloyal.

"WALLACE WELLS, ROOMMATE, 24 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: HE IS
GAY!"

SCOTT
Before you hear some dirty lies
from someone else, yes, I’m dating
a 17 year old.

Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he’s reading.

WALLACE
Is he cute?

SCOTT
Ha, ha, ha, ha.

WALLACE
Does this mean we have to stop
sleeping together?

SCOTT
Do you see another bed in here?

TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in
the one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace, FUTON included.

WALLACE
8.


Yeah. You’re totally my bitch
forever.

SCOTT
So. The whole seventeen year old
thing. Don’t tell too many people.

WALLACE
Hey, you know me.

SCOTT
I mean. Don’t tell my sister.

WALLACE
You know me.

Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside, starts texting.

SCOTT
Who are you texting?

RINGY RING. The phone goes. Scott picks up.

STACEY (O.S.)
Seventeen years old? Scandal!

Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM, cute, peppy barista, gabbing
on her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. A sign behind her reads
’If you are using your cellphone, you will not be served’.

"STACEY PILGRIM, YOUNGER SISTER, 19, RATING: ’T’ FOR TEEN."

SCOTT
That’s not true. Who told you?

STACEY
Wallace. Duh.

SCOTT
That gossipy bitch.

WALLACE (O.S.)
You know me.

Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless.

SCOTT
Wallace!

Wallace clicks off. Scott sinks into an armchair.

STACEY
9.


Who is this mysterious child you
date?

SCOTT
Her name is Knives. Knives Chau.

STACEY
A seventeen year old Chinese
schoolgirl? You’re ridiculous.

SCOTT
It’s a Catholic school too.

STACEY
With the uniform and everything?

SCOTT
Yeah, the whole deal.

STACEY
Oh my God, you haven’t-

SCOTT
No no no. We haven’t even held
hands. I think she hugged me once.

STACEY
Um, Scott. Why are you doing this?

SCOTT
I don’t know...it’s just nice, you
know? It’s just...simple.

STACEY
It’s been over a year since you got
dumped by she-who-will-not-be-
named.

Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine,
looking into the HOT GIRL’S EYES on the back cover album
ad.

STACEY
So, are you legitimately moving on,
or is this just you being insane?

Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles
next to a hot redhead in happier times.

SCOTT
Can I get back to you on that?

A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly...
10.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In Wallace's cramped apartment, Scott confesses to dating the 17-year-old, Knives. Wallace teases him about their living situation, but Scott worries about Stacey, his sister, finding out. Despite his request, Wallace informs Stacey, who confronts Scott, concerned about the age difference.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Low stakes
  • Limited action
Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, as it primarily focuses on the surface-level humor of Scott dating a 17-year-old.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, with characters delivering lines that don't feel natural or believable.
  • The scene relies heavily on stereotypes and cliches, such as the gay roommate and the scandalous relationship with a younger girl, which can come across as lazy writing.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional complexity of Scott's situation, such as his feelings of loneliness after a breakup and his search for simplicity in a new relationship.
  • The scene lacks subtlety and nuance, with characters stating their emotions and intentions outright instead of showing them through actions and interactions.
Suggestions
  • Add depth to the characters by exploring their inner conflicts and motivations, rather than relying on surface-level humor and stereotypes.
  • Focus on creating more authentic and natural dialogue that reflects how real people would speak in these situations.
  • Avoid cliches and stereotypes by delving into more nuanced and original storytelling choices.
  • Show rather than tell - use actions and interactions to convey emotions and intentions, allowing the audience to infer meaning rather than having it spelled out for them.
  • Consider adding layers to the scene by exploring the emotional complexity of Scott's situation and the impact of his choices on himself and those around him.



Scene 5 - Scott and Knives' Accidental Date
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
10 EXT. CATHOLIC SCHOOL - DAY 10

Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.

Uniformed boys and girls pour out.

WALLACE
I do not want to be here. At all.

SCOTT
This school has boys too.

WALLACE
I hate you. Even I would think
twice about dating a seventeen year
old.

SCOTT
Well, she’s only allowed out when
the sun is up, so I wouldn’t call
it dating, more like...

WALLACE
Playtime?

SCOTT
That doesn’t sound so good either.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Scott! Heyyyy!

Knives skips to Scott. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers
behind.

SCOTT
Hey Knives, this is my cool gay
roommate, Wallace Wells. He’s gay.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, hi! Do you want to know who in
my class is gay?

WALLACE
Yes. Does he wear glasses?

SCOTT
Wallace, you go now! Begone!

Wallace pulls Knives close. Whispers.

WALLACE
You’re too good for him. Run.
11.


11 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 11

Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a
martial arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION).

They punch and kick in unison, side by side.

SCOTT
Did you know the original name of
Pac-man was Puck-man? You would
think it’s because Pac-Man looks
like a yellow hockey puck, but
actually it comes from the Japanese
phrase paku-paku which means to
flap ones mouth open and closed.
They changed it over here because
Puck-Man is too easy to vandalize.
You know, scratch out the P and
turn it into an F or whatever?

Knives flips over Scott’s back in a COMBO move.

KNIVES CHAU
Ohmigod, like...wow.

SCOTT
Yeah. Wow.

The game ends. CONTINUE appears, counting down:
10...9...8... Scott looks at Knives. She digs for quarters.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, I got it!


12 EXT. "PIZZA PIZZA" - DAY 12

Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint, slices in hand.

KNIVES CHAU
Tamara is into this Korean guy,
Bobby, but everyone thinks Bobby
has a crush on Mina.

SCOTT
I thought Derek and Tamara had a
mutual like-each-other thing going,
what happened?


13 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 13

Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. Hangers click in time.
12.


KNIVES CHAU
I don’t listen to much music. I
know a lot of kids who play piano
or whatever, but you guys ROCK.

SCOTT
I knew I personally rocked, but I
never suspected that we rocked as a
unit. Thank you, Knives.


14 INT. SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) - DAY 14

Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync.

KNIVES CHAU
I mean, you guys are gonna be HUGE.

SCOTT
Well, we’re already pretty big. But
it might be cool if cool people
wore our T-shirt.

Knives speaks to a female clerk, surly with tats and specs:
"JULIE, 22, STILLS’ GIRLFRIEND, RATING: WHAT IS HER
PROBLEM?"

KNIVES CHAU
Excuse me, do you have anything by
’The Clash At Demonhead’?

JULIE
Have you tried the section marked
’The Clash At Demonhead’?

SCOTT
Thank you, Julie.

JULIE
Are you coming to my party Friday
or will you be busy babysitting?

SCOTT
Thank you, Julie.
(to Knives)
You don’t want to listen to her.
And you definitely don’t want to
listen to them.

Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, I heart them so much.
13.


SCOTT
I hearted them too until they
signed to a major label and the

SCOTT
singer turned into a total bitch
and ruined my life. But that’s just
me.

KNIVES CHAU
(oblivious)
Envy Adams is sooo cool. Do you
read her blog?

SCOTT
Sorry, you were saying about me?
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Coming-of-age"]

Summary Wallace and Scott encounter Knives and her friend outside a Catholic school. Despite Wallace's warnings, Scott and Knives bond over music and culture, spending time at an arcade, shopping, and visiting a record store. Knives expresses her admiration for Scott's band, but Scott dismisses the singer's decision to sign with a major label, leaving Knives unaware of his bitterness.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Nostalgic references
Weaknesses
  • Lack of deep emotional impact
  • Minimal character development
Critique
  • The scene transitions from Wallace and Scott outside the Catholic school to the arcade without a clear connection or smooth transition, which can be jarring for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Scott, Knives, and Wallace lacks depth and meaningful interaction, feeling more like surface-level banter without much substance.
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction, with the characters engaging in random activities like playing a video game and shopping for T-shirts without advancing the plot or developing the characters.
  • The interaction between Scott and Knives feels superficial and lacks emotional depth, making it difficult for the audience to invest in their relationship or care about their interactions.
  • The dialogue about music and bands, while attempting to establish Knives' admiration for Scott's band, comes across as forced and unnatural, failing to create a genuine connection between the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a clear transition between the scenes to improve the flow and coherence of the narrative.
  • Focus on developing meaningful and engaging dialogue that reveals more about the characters' motivations, emotions, and relationships.
  • Give the scene a clear purpose or goal to drive the characters' actions and interactions, ensuring that every scene contributes to the overall story arc.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the interaction between Scott and Knives to make their relationship more compelling and relatable to the audience.
  • Revisit the dialogue about music and bands to make it more authentic and organic, allowing the characters' personalities and dynamics to shine through.



Scene 6 - Scott and Knives: A Walk and a Dream
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
15 EXT. SNOWY TORONTO STREET - DAY 15

Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk.

KNIVES CHAU
I mean, I’ve...I’ve never gone out
with someone so talented.

SCOTT
You go out with a lot of guys?

KNIVES CHAU
...no.

SCOTT
Yeah, so whatever, man!

KNIVES CHAU
I’ve never even kissed a guy.

Knives blushes and looks at the ground. Scott hugs her.

SCOTT
Me neither.


16 EXT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - DAY 16

Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace’s
apartment.

KNIVES CHAU
So this is your secret lair? Can I
come in?
14.


SCOTT
My secret lair is one of those ’no
girls allowed’ deals.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, okay.

SCOTT
But do you want to see the house
where I grew up?

KNIVES CHAU
Sure.

They literally walk across the street to a small house.

SCOTT
Here you go.

KNIVES CHAU
Wow.

SCOTT
Yeah. Wow.

Wind blows. The light snowfall turns into sand...


17 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - HOTTEST DAY 17

...Scott wanders alone through a barren land. He falls to
his knees next to a lonely cactus.

SCOTT
Oh God...so...so alone.

A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands.

She wears fishnets, an army jacket, skirt and goggles. Her
pink hair is funky but cool. She is hotter than the desert
sun.

MYSTERIOUS GIRL
You’re not alone. You’re just
having some idiotic dream.

SCOTT
Does that mean we can make out? But
she’s gone...

INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - ?
15.


...SCOTT WAKES UP, sitting up in the FUTON.

SCOTT
Oh God...

Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott, rubbing his eyes.

WALLACE
What is it, Scott?

SCOTT
I had this totally weird dream.

OTHER VOICE
Oh God.

WALLACE
What is it, Scott?

A scruffy, goateed guy wakes right between Scott and
Wallace:

"OTHER SCOTT, 22, WALLACE’S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY
CURIOUS"

OTHER SCOTT
Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me
not interested.

SCOTT
But there was this girl...

WALLACE
Girl?

OTHER SCOTT
Was this an Envy related dream?

WALLACE
We don’t use the E-word in this
house.

SCOTT
No, it wasn’t her. It was somebody
new...

OTHER SCOTT
Yay for that.

Other Scott goes back to sleep. Wallace rubs his eyes.

WALLACE
16.


Speaking of new, weren’t you
supposed to take your fake high
school girlfriend to the library a
half-hour ago?

SCOTT
What? It’s like, six in the
morning.

Scott opens the bathroom door. Sunlight ignites the room.

SCOTT
Arrrrgh!
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Scott and Knives discuss their lack of dating experience and hug. Scott shows Knives his childhood home. Scott falls asleep and dreams of a mysterious girl in the desert. He wakes up in Wallace's apartment and tells him about the dream, but Wallace's boyfriend interrupts.
Strengths
  • Quirky dialogue
  • Creative use of dream sequences
  • Humorous interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level
Critique
  • The transition from the snowy Toronto street to the dream desert feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a clear connection between the two settings.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Knives in the snowy street scene feels a bit forced and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to delve into their characters' emotions and motivations.
  • The introduction of the mysterious girl in the dream desert scene feels random and disconnected from the previous interaction between Scott and Knives.
  • The dialogue between Scott, Wallace, and Other Scott in Wallace's apartment lacks coherence and purpose, with the conversation jumping between topics without a clear focus.
  • The scene overall lacks a cohesive narrative thread and fails to effectively engage the audience in the characters' emotions and motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between the snowy street and dream desert scenes to create a smoother and more logical connection between the two settings.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Scott and Knives in the snowy street scene to deepen their characters' relationship and provide insight into their emotions and motivations.
  • Reevaluate the introduction of the mysterious girl in the dream desert scene to ensure it aligns with the overall narrative and contributes meaningfully to the story.
  • Refine the dialogue between Scott, Wallace, and Other Scott in Wallace's apartment to maintain a clear focus and drive the scene forward with purpose.
  • Work on strengthening the overall narrative coherence and emotional engagement of the scene to create a more compelling and impactful storytelling experience.



Scene 7 - Scott's Distracted Night
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
18 INT. THE LIBRARY - DAY 18

KNIVES CHAU
What’s wrong?

Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the
library. He carries a stack of books for Knives.

SCOTT
Libraries remind me of grade
school.

KNIVES CHAU
That must seem like a reeeeally
long time ago.

SCOTT
Uh. Let’s talk about something
else.

The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott’s attention. He
freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM
skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.

KNIVES CHAU
Do you know that girl?

The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON.CA to
the librarian. Scott’s gaze follows the GIRL as she blades
out of the library. Pensive guitar underscores his
thoughts.

KNIVES CHAU
Scott?

Scott continues to stare at the girl. Time slows to a
crawl.
17.


STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
SCOTT!


19 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 19

Scott stands in the rehearsal room, head still in the
clouds.

STEPHEN STILLS
You only played one note for that
entire song.

SCOTT
It was...uh...my hand slipped.

KIM PINE
Is your girlfriend distracting you?

SCOTT
My girlfriend?

A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch.

KNIVES CHAU
I’ll... I’ll be quieter.

STEPHEN STILLS
Let’s do that one again.

SCOTT
Sorry, what are we doing?


20 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT 20

STEPHEN STILLS
I told you like fifty times!

Scott, Kim Pine, Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an
icy Toronto street. Scott’s head is still in the clouds.

KIM PINE
We’re going to this party, retard.

SCOTT
Party?

YOUNG NEIL
At Julie’s.

SCOTT
18.


Ugh. I thought you guys split.

STEPHEN STILLS
We did. But, you know, there may be
some label guys there, so...

SCOTT
Aw, man. This is going to suck.

KIM PINE
At least it will give us something
to complain about.

SCOTT
Awww maaan...


21 INT. JULIE’S HOUSE - NIGHT 21

A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded
house party. Both have red plastic cups in hand.

SCOTT
...this sucks.

YOUNG NEIL
Sucks.

SCOTT
I’m going to go pee due to boredom.

Scott exits frame.

YOUNG NEIL
I have to pee.

Neil sips his drink.

Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek:
’COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)’

SCOTT
Hey Comeau.

COMEAU
Hey Scott. Some party huh? You
gettin’ your drink on?

SCOTT
This is Coke Zero. I don’t drink.

COMEAU
19.


You don’t drink? I remember you
getting ridiculously drunk off two
G&T’s one time and-

SCOTT
(quickly)
Comeau, you know everyone, right?

COMEAU
Pretty much.

SCOTT
Do you know this one girl with hair
like this?

Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona.

COMEAU
Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone
said she was coming tonight
actually.

SCOTT
WHAT?

COMEAU
You got the hots for her? I hear
she’s hardcore...

Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud...
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Scott's focus is challenged when a rollerblading girl catches his attention. Despite being confronted by his bandmates about his distractions, he remains preoccupied with thoughts of Ramona Flowers. At a party, he receives news about her possible presence and leaves to search for her, neglecting his band and friends.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Intriguing setup for future plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate high stakes
  • Some pacing issues in transitioning between locations
Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with Scott being distracted and unfocused throughout.
  • The introduction of the rollerblading girl from Scott's dream feels forced and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Knives lacks depth and meaningful interaction, making their relationship seem superficial.
  • The transition to Stephen Stills' house feels abrupt and disjointed, leaving the audience confused about the scene's progression.
  • The party setup at Julie's house feels cliched and uninspired, lacking originality and depth.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves a specific narrative or character development goal.
  • Integrate the rollerblading girl's appearance more seamlessly into the scene to create a stronger connection to Scott's dream.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Scott and Knives to deepen their relationship and add emotional depth.
  • Smooth out the transition between locations to create a more cohesive flow in the storytelling.
  • Consider adding unique elements to the party scene at Julie's house to make it more engaging and memorable.



Scene 8 - Awkward Encounters
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
22 INT. JULIE’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 22

Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his
plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA!

Aloof. Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to
her.

SCOTT
Hey, what’s up?

RAMONA
Nothing.

SCOTT
Hey, you know Pacman?

RAMONA
I know of him.

Scott begins to babble.
20.


SCOTT
Well you know Pac-Man was
originally Puckman but not because
Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck
and paku-paku-paku means flapping
your mouth and they changed it
because if you scratch out the "P"
and turn it into an "F"? You know?
Like...

RAMONA
Yeah that’s amazing.

SCOTT
Um...am I dreaming?

Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away.

SCOTT
I’ll leave you alone forever now.


23 "THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..." 23

Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks
around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude.
Ramona leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil.

SCOTT
DUDE!

YOUNG NEIL
WHA?

SCOTT
SHE’S TOTALLY REAL!

YOUNG NEIL
WHO?

SCOTT
RAMONA FLOWERS!

YOUNG NEIL
WHUH?

JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau.

SCOTT
DUDE. What do you know about Ramona
Flowers?!

COMEAU
21.


All I know is she’s American.

SCOTT
(exotically)
American...

COMEAU
But you should talk to Sandra and
Monique-

"SANDRA AND MONIQUE, 24, TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS"

SCOTT
LADYDUDES! What do you know about
Ramona Flowers?

MONIQUE
I think she has a boyfriend.

SANDRA
Some guy back in New York.

MONIQUE
Doesn’t she have the most
ridiculous name?

SANDRA
I know. It’s so ’Ramona Quimby,
Aged 8’ and yet...Flowers.

The girls laugh. Scott does not.

SCOTT
Yeah. What else?

JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone
about Ramona:

PARTYGOER #1
I heard she kicks all kind of ass.

PARTYGOER #2
She’s on another level.

PARTYGOER #3
She’s got men dying at her feet.

PARTYGOER #4
She’s got some battle scars.

PARTYGOER #5
Not to be entered into lightly.
22.


We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in
front of Scott, arms crossed. Stephen Stills is with her.

JULIE
What about Ramona Flowers?

SCOTT
You know her? Tell me. Now.

JULIE
She just moved here. Got a job with
Amazon. Comes into my work.

SCOTT
Does she really?

STEPHEN STILLS
Didn’t you say she just broke up
with someone, Jools?

SCOTT
Did she reeally?

STEPHEN STILLS
That they had a huge fight or
whatever?

SCOTT
Did they reeeally?

JULIE
...yes. But I didn’t want Scott to
know that, Stephen.

SCOTT
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-

JULIE
Scott, I forbid you from hitting on
Ramona. Even if you haven’t had a
real girlfriend in over a year-

STEPHEN STILLS
Hey whoa, whoa. Scott’s mourning
period is officially over. He’s
totally dating a high schooler.

JULIE
Dating a high schooler is the
mourning period.

STEPHEN STILLS
23.


She’s got a point.

SCOTT
I thought you guys broke up.

JULIE
I don’t want you scaring off the
coolest girl at my party Scott. We
all know you’re a total lady killer
wannabe jerky jerk.

SCOTT
That’s garbage! Completely untrue.

JULIE
That time with Lisa-

SCOTT
Misunderstanding.

JULIE
That time with Hollie-

SCOTT
Not what it looked like!

JULIE
That time you dumped Kim for-

SCOTT
Hey, me and Kim are all good now.

SCOTT looks to KIM. We hear the sound of arctic winds.

JULIE
Whatever, Ramona is out of your
league, let’s leave it at that. And
anyway, I’m not even sure she
really did have a big breakup. She
keeps mentioning some guy named
Gideon.

SCOTT
(not listening)
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-

JULIE
Forget it Scott!!!
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary At a party, Scott clumsily tries to connect with Ramona but is ignored. Undeterred, he persists despite warnings from Julie about Ramona's elusive nature.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Humorous interactions between characters
  • Introduction of intriguing new character
Weaknesses
  • Low emotional impact
  • Minimal character development
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with Scott's scattered attempts to engage Ramona coming off as awkward and forced.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Ramona feels stilted and lacks depth, failing to establish a meaningful connection between the characters.
  • The rapid-fire sequence of Scott asking various partygoers about Ramona feels disjointed and overwhelming, detracting from the main interaction between Scott and Ramona.
  • The interaction between Scott and Julie, as well as Stephen Stills, adds unnecessary clutter to the scene and distracts from the central plotline.
  • The repetitive nature of Scott's fixation on Ramona and his obliviousness to the warnings from others becomes tiresome and lacks character development.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a more organic and engaging interaction between Scott and Ramona, allowing their chemistry to shine through naturally.
  • Streamline the sequence of Scott gathering information about Ramona to avoid overwhelming the audience and maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Consider trimming down the dialogue with Julie and Stephen Stills to keep the scene more focused on the central relationship between Scott and Ramona.
  • Introduce more subtlety and nuance in Scott's pursuit of Ramona, showcasing his genuine interest and connection with her rather than superficial attempts at conversation.
  • Explore deeper emotional layers and character growth for Scott and Ramona to create a more compelling and authentic dynamic between them.



Scene 9 - Scott and Wallace's Nighttime Revelations
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
24 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 24
24.


Scott lies on the futon, WIDE awake. Wallace storms in.

WALLACE
Guess who’s druuunk?

SCOTT
I guess Wallace.

WALLACE
You guess right.

Wallace flops onto the futon, landing next to Scott.

SCOTT
So, that girl. From my dream.

WALLACE
Girl. Okay...

SCOTT
I saw her at the library...

WALLACE
Library...can I pretend we’re
talking about a guy?

SCOTT
So then I’m at this party, and hey!
There she is.

WALLACE
There he is.

SCOTT
I think she’s...

WALLACE
You think he’s...

SCOTT
I think she’s the girl of my
dreams.

WALLACE
Mmm. Then you should break up with
your fake high school girlfriend.

SCOTT
I’ve never been so sure about
something.

WALLACE
25.


Then you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.

SCOTT
What’s that?

WALLACE
Break...up...fake...high
school...girlfriend...

SCOTT
I’m not getting it, friend.

Wallace drifts off. RINGY RING! Scott answers. INTERCUT
with STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.

STACEY
You’re thinking of juggling two
chicks!?

SCOTT
Not even!

STACEY
Well, you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.

SCOTT
Wait. Who told you?

STACEY
Duh. Wallace.

SCOTT
He’s not even conscious!

STACEY
Whatever. You of all people should
know how sucky it is to get cheated
on.

SCOTT
Don’t you have a job to do?

STACEY
You’re right. I should send out a
mass text about this. Bye.

Scott looks to Wallace, who is out cold, cellphone in hand.

SCOTT
Wallace, how do you do that?
26.


HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room!

SCOTT (O.S.)
WALLACE!

Wallace sits bolt upright. Scott sits at Wallace’s
computer.

SCOTT
Amazon.ca. What’s the website for
that?

WALLACE
...Amazon.ca.

SCOTT
Awesome! I have to order something
reeeally cool.

COMPUTER
"You’ve got mail!"

SCOTT
Dude! This thing claims I have
mail!

WALLACE
It’s amazing what they can do with
computers these days.

SCOTT
Dude! Now I’m reading it!

WALLACE
I’m so happy for you.

SCOTT
"Dear Mr. Pilgrim, It has come to
my attention that we will be
fighting soon. My name is Matthew
Patel, and I’m" blah blah "fair
warning" blah blah...hmm. This
is...this is...THIS IS...!!!

WALLACE
WHAT?!

SCOTT
This is boring. Delete!

’CLICK.’ Scott walks to the front door. Moments pass.

WALLACE
27.


Scott. Are you waiting for the
package you just ordered?

SCOTT
Maybe.

WALLACE
It’s the weekend. It won’t ship
until Monday at the earliest.

DINGY DONG. Scott JUMPS to his feet.

SCOTT
You were saying?

Scott opens the door. It’s KNIVES CHAU!

SCOTT
Heyyy...

KNIVES CHAU
Attack hug!

Knives smothers Scott.

SCOTT
Attack hug. That’s cute.

He plasters on his best fake smile.

KNIVES CHAU
Remember you were supposed to meet
me at the bus stop a half-hour ago?

SCOTT
How could I possibly forget?
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott and Wallace discuss the girl of Scott's dreams. Stacey calls Scott and tells him to break up with his fake high school girlfriend. Knives Chau shows up at Scott's door and gives him an attack hug.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character development
  • Setting up future conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may feel repetitive or predictable
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction and purpose, with Scott rambling about his dream girl without much substance or development.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Wallace feels disjointed and lacks a natural flow, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the scene.
  • The transition between Scott's conversation with Wallace and the phone call with Stacey feels abrupt and disconnected, leading to a jarring shift in tone.
  • The humor in the scene falls flat, with forced jokes and awkward interactions that do not land effectively.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, making it feel superficial and unengaging.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves to advance the plot or develop the characters in a meaningful way.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on creating authentic interactions between the characters.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different moments in the scene to create a more cohesive and fluid narrative flow.
  • Enhance the humor by incorporating wit and clever wordplay, avoiding forced jokes or awkward humor that may not resonate with the audience.
  • Inject more emotional depth and character growth into the scene to make it more compelling and resonate with the audience on a deeper level.



Scene 10 - Scott and Knives' Shopping Adventure
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
25 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 25

Scott and Knives flip through the record bins, out of sync.

KNIVES CHAU
Yearbook club is getting SO boring.
I cannot believe the music they put
on while we work.

SCOTT
That’s sucky.


26 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 26
28.


Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. Scott sits on a couch
next to the DO NOT SIT sign, still distracted.

KNIVES CHAU
Hannah broke up with Alan and now
she’s all into Derek...

SCOTT
Uh huh.


27 EXT. PIZZA PIZZA - DAY 27

Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. Knives chows
down on a slice. Scott doesn’t eat, his thoughts elsewhere.

KNIVES CHAU
...but Tamara claims she has dibs
on Derek.

SCOTT
I tell ya’.


28 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 28

Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION, side by side.

Scott plays halfheartedly, his timing off.

KNIVES CHAU
Combo!

Knives goes to flip over Scott, but he messes up. THE
MIRROR IMAGE of Scott’s videogame avatar appears on screen.

KNIVES CHAU
Uh oh, NegaNinja.

NEGANINJA - squares up against Scott’s avatar.

SCOTT
I can never get past that guy.

Scott has his little videogame head cut off. The
"CONTINUE?"

countdown comes up...10...9...8...

KNIVES CHAU
Do you want to keep going?
29.


Scott takes a long look at Knives.

SCOTT
Um, I think...I think...

Scott takes a deep breath. This is never easy. 3...2...1...


29 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 29

STEPHEN STILLS
Game on, everybody. Game. On.

An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. Scott tunes his
bass, alone by the window, staring out.

STEPHEN STILLS
I got us a show.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
OH MY GOSH WHEN?!

Knives BURSTS into frame. Scott winces.

STEPHEN STILLS
Wednesday, The Rockit. And even
better? It’s the T.I.B.B.

KNIVES CHAU
The Toronto International Battle of
The Bands?!

STEPHEN STILLS
S’right. This guy at work was like
"Steve, do you know anyone in a
band?" and I was like ’I’m in a
band.’ and he was like ’You’re in a
band?’ and I was like ’Yeah I’m
totally in a band’ -

KIM PINE
Great story, man.

KNIVES CHAU
Is there a prize or something?!

STEPHEN STILLS
Only a record deal with G-man
Graves!

SCOTT
What? Who?
30.


KNIVES CHAU
You don’t know?

STEPHEN STILLS
Indie Producer of the millennium?!

SCOTT
Oh.

YOUNG NEIL
Whoa.

Stills gestures to Knives’ home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.

STEPHEN STILLS
If we win...it won’t just be Knives
wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. It’ll
be the cool kids too.

Knives can barely contain herself. She grabs Scott.

KNIVES CHAU
I will do everything I can to get
out of study group and come.

SCOTT
Sure. Great.

We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, who are you battling?

STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Crash and the Boys.

YOUNG NEIL (O.S.)
That one band with Crash? And those
Boys?

KIM PINE
Yeah that’s the one.

YOUNG NEIL
I hate them!

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, I hate them too!

STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Yeah, they suck.
31.


30 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE, BATHROOM - EVENING 30

Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. The PEE BAR above
his head slowly reduces. He stares at himself in the
mirror.

Scott exits the bathroom, entering...
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Scott and Knives go shopping and Knives fills Scott in on the latest gossip and drama. While she's excited, Scott seems distracted and uninterested. At the arcade, Knives shares some exciting news, but Scott remains distant. The conflict in this scene stems from Scott's preoccupation and disinterest, putting a damper on the excitement.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Introduction of new plot elements
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate conflict resolution
  • Limited character growth in this scene
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with Scott and Knives flipping through record bins and engaging in mundane conversations that don't add much to the overall story.
  • Scott's distracted and disinterested behavior towards Knives comes off as unengaging and unempathetic, making it difficult for the audience to connect with his character.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Knives feels forced and lacks depth, failing to create any meaningful or compelling interactions between the characters.
  • The transition between different locations and conversations feels disjointed and abrupt, making it challenging for the audience to follow the scene's progression.
  • The scene fails to build tension or advance the plot, leaving the audience with a sense of stagnation and lack of development.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more meaningful and engaging dialogue that reveals character motivations and emotions, creating a deeper connection with the audience.
  • Focus on developing a clear objective or conflict within the scene to drive the characters' actions and interactions, adding depth and tension to the narrative.
  • Streamline the transitions between locations and conversations to create a more cohesive and fluid scene that is easier for the audience to follow.
  • Explore ways to make Scott and Knives' interactions more dynamic and impactful, showcasing their relationship dynamics and character growth.
  • Consider incorporating elements that propel the plot forward and contribute to the overall story arc, ensuring that each scene serves a purpose in the larger narrative.



Scene 11 - An Unsual Encounter in the Hallway
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
31 INT. DREAM HIGH SCHOOL - ? 31

...a long, empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. Scott’s footsteps
echo as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on
it... RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door, skating past
Scott and down the hall, PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in
her hand.

Scott runs after her, around a corner, down a row of
LOCKERS leading to...the outside of WALLACE’S APARTMENT???


32 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - MORNING 32

Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front
door, THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as
she presses the doorbell. DINGY DONG...

SCOTT
Hi, um, I was thinking about asking
you out, but then I realized how
stupid that would be.
(beat)
So do you wanna go out sometime?

RAMONA
Um, no, that’s okay. You just have
to sign for this alright?

SCOTT
I just woke up, and you were in my
dream. I dreamt you were delivering
me this package. Is that weird?

RAMONA
It’s not weird at all.

SCOTT
It’s not?

RAMONA
32.


No, it’s just like, you’ve got this
really convenient subspace highway
running through your head that I
like to use. It’s like three miles
in fifteen seconds.

SCOTT
Right...

RAMONA
Oh yeah. I forgot you guys don’t
have that in Canada.

SCOTT
You don’t remember me do you? I met
you at the party the other day.

RAMONA
Were you the Pac-Man guy?

SCOTT
No. Not even. That was some total
ass. I was the other guy. You’re
Ramona Flowers right?

RAMONA
That’s me.

SCOTT
So, you’re like American?

RAMONA
Why, am I coming off as rude?

SCOTT
Not at all. Noooooo...

Scott stands in awe of Ramona. She gives him a pen.

RAMONA
You know...you need to sign for
this. Whatever this is?

SCOTT
It’s something really cool. You’d
be impressed.

RAMONA
You still have to sign.

SCOTT
But if I sign for it, you’ll leave.
33.


RAMONA
Yeah. That’s how it works.

SCOTT
Okay well, can we just maybe just
hang out sometime? Get to know each
other? You’re the new kid on the
block, right? I’ve lived here
forever. I mean...there are reasons
for you to hang out with me?

RAMONA
You’re all over the place.

SCOTT
You are like...my dream girl.

RAMONA
I need to find a new route.

SCOTT
Either that or you need to start
hanging out with me.

RAMONA
You want me to hang out with you?

SCOTT
Um...you know...if that’s cool.

RAMONA
If I say yes, will you sign for
your damn package?

Scott finally signs on the dotted line. And throws the
package straight in the trash.

SCOTT
Done. So, yeah. Eight o’clock?
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Fantasy"]

Summary Scott exits the bathroom and spots Ramona skating down the hall. He follows her to Wallace's apartment and asks her out, but she declines. He learns that Ramona uses his dream space as a shortcut to deliver a package, which he signs for without opening. After Ramona leaves, Scott discards the package in the trash.
Strengths
  • Quirky dialogue
  • Dream-like atmosphere
  • Romantic tension
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Low stakes
Critique
  • The scene transitions from a dream high school hallway to Wallace's apartment, which may be confusing for the audience as the connection between the two locations is not clear.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Ramona feels a bit forced and awkward, lacking a natural flow in their interaction.
  • Scott's behavior towards Ramona comes off as overly eager and desperate, which may not be the best way to establish a romantic connection between the characters.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by adding more depth to the conversation between Scott and Ramona, allowing for a more meaningful interaction.
  • The scene lacks subtlety in portraying Scott's infatuation with Ramona, making it feel more contrived than genuine.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the transition between the dream high school hallway and Wallace's apartment to ensure a smoother flow of the scene.
  • Refine the dialogue between Scott and Ramona to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on building a connection between the characters.
  • Tone down Scott's eagerness and desperation in pursuing Ramona to create a more realistic and relatable dynamic between them.
  • Add depth to the conversation between Scott and Ramona by exploring their personalities, interests, and motivations to make their interaction more authentic.
  • Consider adding subtlety and nuance to Scott's feelings towards Ramona to create a more nuanced and believable romantic subplot.



Scene 12 - Park Encounter
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
33 EXT. PARK - NIGHT 33

Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the
park. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them.

SCOTT
Why are you just standing there?

RAMONA
Dude, I’m totally waiting on you.

SCOTT
34.


Sorry, I just assumed you were too
cool to be on time.

RAMONA
Well. You assumed wrong.

SCOTT
So what do you want to do? We could
get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip
through some records at Sonic Boom.
Oh, or there’s this awesome game
called Ninja Ninja Revolution at-

RAMONA
I’m not into simulated violence.

SCOTT
I’m cool with whatever you want to
do.

RAMONA
This is good.

Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park.

SCOTT
This is good. So how’d you end up
in Toronto?

RAMONA
Just needed to escape I guess.

SCOTT
Oh yeah?

RAMONA
I got this job here. And Gideon had
always said Toronto was one of the
great cities so...

SCOTT
Is Gideon...is he your boyfriend?

RAMONA
He’s...a friend.

SCOTT
Was he your boyfriend?

RAMONA
Do you mind if we don’t get into
that right now?
35.


SCOTT
It’s so not interesting to me.

They sit on some swings in the park.

RAMONA
So what about you? What do you do?

SCOTT
I’m between jobs.

RAMONA
Between what and what?

SCOTT
My last job is a long story filled
with sighs.

RAMONA
I know plenty of those.

SCOTT
Is that why you left New York?

RAMONA
Pretty much. It was time to head
somewhere a little more chilled.

SCOTT
Well, it’s certainly chilled here.

RAMONA
Yeah.

SCOTT
Uh, chilled as in cold.

RAMONA
Yeah.

SCOTT
I’m totally obsessed with you.

RAMONA
I didn’t mean to get you obsessed.

SCOTT
I just haven’t been obsessed with a
girl for a long time. It’s weird.

RAMONA
That’s probably because you sleep
with a guy.
36.


SCOTT
Um...

RAMONA
I was guessing from your apartment,
but you totally do!

SCOTT
It’s... we’re just poor! We can’t
afford two beds! We’re not gay!
Actually... no... Wallace is pretty
gay.

RAMONA
Dude, relax. I believe you. You’re
too desperate to be gay.

SCOTT
I feel so stupid.

RAMONA
Aw... you’re probably not that
stupid.

Laughing, Ramona hops off her swing.

SCOTT
I’m... mostly stupid.

RAMONA
Well, you’re definitely stupid if
you want to go out with me.

SCOTT
Exactly, yeah.

The snowfall gets heavier.

RAMONA
This is ridiculous. Isn’t it like
April?

SCOTT
Yeah. I can barely see you. This
whole thing is an unmitigated
disaster.

RAMONA
I think ’act of God’ is a pretty
decent excuse for a lousy date.

SCOTT
So this is a ’date’, eh?
37.


RAMONA
Did I say ’date’? Slip of the
tongue.

SCOTT
Tongue...

The snow gets heavier still. Ramona walks away.

RAMONA
Anyway, night’s not over yet. I
think there’s a thingy up here
somewhere.

SCOTT
A thingy?

RAMONA
A door.

SCOTT
A door? I... I... I can’t see you.
I’m blind. Help me.

A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness.

Ramona opens the door. Scott and Ramona fall into
blackness...
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Scott and Ramona meet in a snow-covered park at night, where they bond over their shared awkwardness and discuss their pasts. Despite a minor conflict regarding Scott's living situation, they find common ground and end up entering a mysterious door together.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Chemistry between characters
  • Unique setting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of major conflict
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, with Scott and Ramona engaging in superficial conversation that doesn't reveal much about their characters or advance the plot.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with Scott's attempts at flirtation coming across as awkward and Ramona's responses feeling detached.
  • There is a lack of depth in the interaction between Scott and Ramona, making it difficult for the audience to become emotionally invested in their relationship.
  • The scene relies heavily on cliched romantic tropes, such as the characters sitting on swings and discussing their pasts, without adding any unique or original elements to make it stand out.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow and meandering, with little to no tension or conflict to drive the narrative forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to the conversation between Scott and Ramona by exploring their motivations, fears, and desires in a more meaningful way.
  • Focus on creating authentic and engaging dialogue that reveals the characters' personalities and drives the story forward.
  • Introduce more conflict or tension into the scene to keep the audience engaged and interested in the outcome of Scott and Ramona's interaction.
  • Explore unique and original ways to showcase the budding relationship between Scott and Ramona, rather than relying on cliched romantic tropes.
  • Consider tightening the pacing of the scene and ensuring that every moment serves a purpose in advancing the overall plot of the screenplay.



Scene 13 - Intimate Night at Ramona's Apartment
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
34 INT. RAMONA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 34

Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona’s cozy, girl
friendly apartment. He watches as she slips out of her
coat.

RAMONA
What kind of tea do you want?

SCOTT
There’s more than one kind?

RAMONA
We have blueberry, raspberry,
ginseng, sleepytime, green tea,
green tea with lemon, green tea
with lemon and honey, liver
disaster, ginger with honey, ginger
without honey, vanilla almond,
white truffle, blueberry chamomile,
vanilla walnut, constant comment
and earl grey.
38.


SCOTT
Did you make some of those up?

RAMONA
I think I’ll have sleepytime.

SCOTT
That sounds good to me.

RAMONA
Let me get you a blanket.

SCOTT
That would actually be awesome.

Ramona exits. After a moment alone, Scott ventures
upstairs.

He wanders towards a half open door. Pushing it open, he
finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt.

RAMONA
Dude! I’m changing.

Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK.

SCOTT (O.S.)
AAAH! Sorry, I’m just...cold!

RAMONA (O.S.)
Here, does this help?

SCOTT (O.S.)
That’s...very warm. What is that?

Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him.

SCOTT
Ohh...kay.

They look into each others eyes...camera circles Scott and
Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session. Scott
imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky
bassline. Ramona breaks off, smiling. Scott is in heaven.

SCOTT
Were you..were you just going to
bring the blanket from your bed?

RAMONA
I guess...
39.


SCOTT
Maybe...maybe we should both get
under it...since we’re so cold.

RAMONA
Well...what about our tea?

SCOTT
I can...not have tea.

The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt
off, revealing black panties to complement black bra. Scott
takes his shirt off. They tumble onto the bed and make out.
Then-

RAMONA
I changed my mind.

SCOTT
Changed it to what? From what?

RAMONA
I don’t want to have sex with you,
Pilgrim. Not right now.

SCOTT
Ohh...kay.

RAMONA
It’s not like I’m gonna send you
home in a snowstorm or anything.
You can sleep in my bed. And I
reserve the right to change my mind
about the sex later.

Ramona curls up next to Scott.

SCOTT
This is cool, just this. It’s been
like a really long time, and this
is...I think I needed this.
Whatever this is. So, thanks.

RAMONA
You’re welcome.

They exchange a smile. Then without warning we jump cut to
-


35 INT. RAMONA’S ROOM - MORNING 35
40.


DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. Ramona is gone. An arrow points to
the empty spot in the bed next to him.

’RAMONA’ Another arrow point out that-

’SHE’S IN THE SHOWER’ Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a
towel. Scott relaxes.

RAMONA
I have to work.

SCOTT
Work?

RAMONA
You have to leave.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Scott visits Ramona's cozy apartment, they have tea and end up making out in her bedroom. Ramona decides not to have sex with Scott but allows him to sleep in her bed. The scene ends with Scott waking up in the morning and Ramona telling him he has to leave because she has to work.
Strengths
  • Intimate atmosphere
  • Effective dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action
Critique
  • The scene starts off with a playful and light-hearted tone, with Scott and Ramona engaging in witty banter about tea choices. However, the transition to Scott entering Ramona's bedroom and finding her in her bra and skirt feels abrupt and slightly uncomfortable.
  • The sudden shift to a make-out session between Scott and Ramona lacks a smooth buildup or emotional depth, making it feel rushed and lacking in genuine connection between the characters.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Ramona after their make-out session feels awkward and forced, especially when Ramona changes her mind about having sex with Scott. The interaction lacks authenticity and emotional resonance.
  • The scene could benefit from more nuanced and realistic character interactions, as well as a more gradual progression of intimacy between Scott and Ramona.
  • The jump cut to the morning after, with Ramona gone and Scott left alone in bed, feels jarring and disrupts the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider building up the romantic tension between Scott and Ramona more gradually, allowing for a more natural and believable progression of their relationship.
  • Focus on developing the emotional depth and authenticity of the characters' interactions, especially during intimate moments, to create a more engaging and relatable scene.
  • Provide more context and background to enhance the connection between Scott and Ramona, allowing for a deeper exploration of their feelings and motivations.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different moments in the scene to maintain a cohesive and coherent narrative flow.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more organic and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions, adding depth and complexity to their interactions.



Scene 14 - The Band Battle Begins
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 9
36 EXT. RAMONA’S APARTMENT - MORNING 36

Ramona skates towards the front gate, Scott walking next to
her. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks.

SCOTT
Hey, can this not be a one night
stand? For one thing, I didn’t even
get any...that was a joke.

RAMONA
What did you have in mind?

SCOTT
Umm...oh, come to the first round
of this battle of the bands thing.

RAMONA
(totally unimpressed)
You have a band?

SCOTT
Yeah, we’re terrible. Please come.

RAMONA
Sure.

Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow...(somehow)

SCOTT
Wait! Can I get your number?

SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop, right back next to
Scott. She hands him a note. ’RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665,
xxxxxxx’
41.


SCOTT
Wow, girl number.

Scott looks back up. Ramona is already skating far, far
away.

RAMONA
See you at the show, Scott Pilgrim.

SCOTT
Oh, hey! It’s tonight...At The-


37 INT. THE ROCKIT - NIGHT 37

’THE ROCKIT, FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET’

Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of
young hipsters, reaching Scott at the bar. He stands with
Wallace and Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing
glasses.

SCOTT
You totally came!

RAMONA
Yes. I did totally come.

Scott is so amazed at her presence, his social skills
vanish.

STACEY
Excuse my brother. He’s chronically
enfeebled. I’m Stacey.

RAMONA
Hey.

STACEY
And this is Wallace, his room-mate.

WALLACE
Hey.

STACEY
And this is my boyfriend Jimmy.

WALLACE
(staring at Jimmy)
Heyyy.

STACEY
And this is Knives, Scott’s-
42.


Scott goes white. He didn’t even see Knives come in.

SCOTT
HEYYYYYYYY!

KNIVES CHAU
Hey.

Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. He pushes her away. Knives
looks kinda sexy, wearing makeup and new clothes.

KNIVES CHAU
Do you like?

SCOTT
I...uh...

LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. Stacey stares at Scott. Knives
and Ramona stare at each other. Wallace stares at Jimmy.

SCOTT
Have. To. Go.

Scott scurries off. We hear feedback from a mic onstage.

PROMOTER (O.S.)
This next band are from Brampton
and they are Crash And The Boys.


38 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 38

Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping
through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band.

STEPHEN STILLS
This is a nightmare. Is this a
nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake
up.

KIM PINE
Once we’re on stage you’ll be fine.

STEPHEN STILLS
We were just on stage. For sound
check. The sound guy hated us.

SCOTT
It’s just nerves! Pre-show jitters.
People love us. Right?
43.


Scott sounds less than convincing. He looks up at Ramona
and Knives sitting with Wallace, Jimmy and Stacey in the
BALCONY.


39 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 39

Crash and The Boys tune up. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy.

WALLACE
Jimmy. Do they rock or suck?

JIMMY
They...haven’t started playing yet.

WALLACE
That was a test, Jimmy. You passed.

CRASH
Good evening. I am Crash, and these
are the Boys.

WALLACE
IS THAT GIRL A BOY, TOO?

CRASH
Yes.

TRASHA, 8 year old girl drummer, gives Wallace the finger.


40 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 40

Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. Kim glowers.

KIM PINE
They have a girl drummer?
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Music"]

Summary At a battle of the bands competition, Scott invites Ramona to attend, intimidated by his ex-girlfriend Knives' presence. Sex Bob-omb watches their rivals, Crash and the Boys, tune up, feeling intimidated by their girl drummer.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Engaging interactions
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Predictable plot points
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from Scott asking Ramona to come to the battle of the bands to them being at the venue. It feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Ramona is somewhat awkward and lacks depth. It could be more engaging and revealing of their characters and relationship.
  • The introduction of Knives and the interaction between her, Scott, and Ramona feels rushed and lacks nuance. The tension between the characters could be more subtly portrayed.
  • The backstage scene with Stephen Stills obsessing over the rival band could be more dynamic and engaging. It currently feels static and repetitive.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or sense of direction, leaving the reader wanting more closure or development.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition scene showing Scott and Ramona on their way to the venue, to provide context and continuity.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Scott and Ramona to delve deeper into their characters and relationship, adding more depth and authenticity.
  • Refine the interaction between Knives, Scott, and Ramona to build tension and complexity in their dynamic.
  • Add more movement and action to the backstage scene with Stephen Stills to make it more engaging and dynamic.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.



Scene 15 - Crash and the Boys' Performance
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
41 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 41

CRASH
This is called "I am so sad. I am
so very very sad." And it goes a
little something like this.

Crash and the Boys play a whole song in .04 seconds.

CRASH
Thank you.

Wallace yells from the balcony.
44.


WALLACE
IT’S NOT A RACE, GUYS!

CRASH
This song is for the guy who keeps
yelling from the balcony, and it’s
called "We Hate You, Please Die."

WALLACE
Sweet, I love this one!

Crash continues his rampage of musical hate.


42 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 42

STEPHEN STILLS
These guys are good. Are these guys
good?

Kim Pine scowls harder than ever.

STEPHEN STILLS
These guys are good.


43 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 43

CRASH
This is called "Last Song Kills
Audience". It’ll be our last song
tonight and your last song EVER...

Sound explodes from the stage. The audience are stunned.


44 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 44

Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band.

STEPHEN STILLS
How are we supposed to follow this?
We’re not going to win, we’re not
gonna sign with G-Man and we’ll
never play opening night at the
Chaos Theatre.
(FREAKING OUT)
GODDAMN IT SCOTT, WILL YOU STOP
JUST STANDING THERE, YOU’RE
FREAKING ME OUT!


45 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 45
45.


As Crash And The Boys climax, Stacey turns to Ramona.

STACEY
So, how do you know Scott?

RAMONA
He’s...um. He’s a friend.

STACEY
Hard for me to keep track
sometimes. He has so many friends.

Ramona arches an eyebrow. Stacey turns to Knives and
Tamara.

STACEY
So Knives, how did you meet Scott?


46 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 46

Scott looks up into the balcony, sees Stacey talking to
Knives. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the
face.

SCOTT
We gotta play now and loud!


47 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 47

Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives’ story.

KNIVES CHAU
Well, I was on the bus with my Mom-

Knives freezes, staring at the stage.

RAMONA
Is that seriously the end of the
story?

KNIVES CHAU
OH MY GOSH, they’re on!
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Music"]

Summary Crash and the Boys perform an incredibly fast song at The Rockit, followed by a song directed at Wallace for heckling them. Backstage, Stephen Stills worries about his band's chances of winning the competition. Stacey asks Ramona and Knives how they know Scott, leading Knives to start telling her story before Sex Bob-omb takes the stage. Scott slaps Stephen Stills and insists they need to play loud, ending the scene with tension and competitiveness.
Strengths
  • Dynamic competition setting
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Humorous dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some characters' motivations may be unclear at times
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus on the main characters, Scott and Ramona, as it primarily revolves around Crash and the Boys' performance.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in this scene, as it mainly consists of Crash and the Boys playing fast songs and insulting the audience.
  • The dialogue between Stacey, Ramona, and Knives feels disconnected from the main storyline and does not contribute to the overall plot progression.
  • The transition between the backstage and balcony scenes is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The tension and stakes of the battle of the bands competition are not effectively conveyed in this scene, making it feel less impactful.
Suggestions
  • Focus more on Scott and Ramona's reactions to the performance and the unfolding events at the venue to deepen their characters and the audience's engagement.
  • Integrate the dialogue between Stacey, Ramona, and Knives more seamlessly into the main storyline to ensure it adds value to the overall narrative.
  • Consider adding moments of tension and conflict between the characters to heighten the stakes of the competition and create a more engaging scene.
  • Explore ways to visually represent the emotional dynamics between the characters through their actions and reactions during the performance.
  • Ensure a clear connection between the events at the venue and the characters' internal struggles and motivations to maintain a cohesive and compelling storyline.



Scene 16 - Battle with Matthew Patel
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
48 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 48

ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic.

PROMOTER
46.


This next band is from Toronto
and...yeah. So give it up for
Sex...Bob-Omb?

SEX BOB-OMB walk on. Wallace and Knives give the only
cheers.

STEPHEN STILLS
Scott...you ready?

Scott nods vigorously.

STEPHEN STILLS
Kim...you rea-

KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. ONE, TWO...

ANGLE on Knives. She faints in the excitement.

KIM PINE
THREE, FOUR!

Sex Bob-omb rock out, barely into the first verse when a
chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER
KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole, finger pointed at
Scott as he sails towards the stage!

MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a
lopsided fringe. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that
borders on flamboyant. He drags on a cigarette (blacked
out).

MATTHEW PATEL
Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew
Patel. Consider our fight...begun!

SCOTT
What did I do?

Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott.

SCOTT
What do I do?!

WALLACE
FIGHT!

Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with
his left arm, then PUNCHES him across the floor with his
right. Patel LANDS like a cat, FLIPS his fringe and GLARES
at Scott.
47.


MATTHEW PATEL
Alright. Alright.

WALLACE
Watch out! It’s that one guy!

SCOTT
Thank you, Wallace!

Patel RUNS at Scott. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and
sends him flying into the air. They land in THE PIT,
knocking hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting
circle.

MATTHEW PATEL
You’re quite the opponent, Pilgrim.

SCOTT
Who the hell are you anyway?

The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters.

MATTHEW PATEL
My name is Matthew Patel and I’m
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!

SCOTT
You’re what?

MATTHEW PATEL
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!

All eyes WHIP up to Ramona...

RAMONA
Anyone need another drink?

Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Scott blocks. Patel
punches. Scott blocks, then holds his hand up for a time-
out.

SCOTT
We’re fighting because of Ramona?

MATTHEW PATEL
Didn’t you get my e-mail explaining
the situation?

SCOTT
I skimmed it.

MATTHEW PATEL
You will pay for your insolence!
48.


Patel attacks, landing kicks and punches. Scott evades and
counter-attacks. Patel evades, then lands more punches.

Scott jump-spins away from danger. They pause, breathing
heavy.

WALLACE
What’s up with his outfit?

OTHER HECKLER
Yeah! Is he a pirate?

Scott looks at Patel’s outfit.

SCOTT
Are you a pirate?

MATTHEW PATEL
Pirates are in this year!

Patel attacks again. They exchange furious blows, until
Patel puts Scott in a choke hold. Scott looks up to Ramona.

SCOTT
You really went out with this guy?

RAMONA
Yeah, in the seventh grade.

The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the
balcony. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK.

RAMONA
It was football season and for some
reason, all the little jocks wanted
me. Matthew was the only non-white,
non-jock boy in school, probably in
the entire state, so we joined
forces and took ’em all out. We
were one hell of a team. Nothing
could beat Matthew’s mystical
powers. Nothing but pre-teen
capriciousness. We only kissed
once. After a week and a half, I
told him to hit the showers.

The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel.

SCOTT
Dude, wait...mystical powers?

Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona.
49.


MATTHEW PATEL
You’ll pay for this, Flowers!

Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG!

MATTHEW PATEL
If you want to fight me, you’re not
the brightest. You won’t know
what’s hit you in the slightest.

Patel levitates into the air. Four hot girls in skirts with
fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him.

MATTHEW PATEL
Me and my fireballs and my Demon
Hipster Chicks, I’m talking the
talk because I know I’m slick.

Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at
Scott.

He flips back onto the stage, narrowly dodging the attack.

MATTHEW PATEL
Fireball Girls! Take this sucker
down.

The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. Scott
dodges. The house drum kit is trashed behind him.

MATTHEW PATEL
Let us show him what we’re all
about.

Scott hits the ground, dodging a third wave of fireballs.

They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings.

SCOTT
That doesn’t even rhyme.

Scott rolls across the stage, GRABS one of Kim’s CYMBALS
and throws it Captain America style. It hits Patel square
in the eyes. POOF, the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish.

MATTHEW PATEL
This is impossible, how can it be?!

Scott leaps into the air. Patel opens his eyes just in time
to see Scott Pilgrim’s FIST racing towards his face.

SCOTT
Open your eyes. Maybe you’ll see.
50.


K.O! Scott punches Patel. He explodes into COINS. They
clatter to the stage floor. Scott lands and picks them up.

SCOTT
Sweet. Coins.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Fantasy","Musical"]

Summary In this scene, Sex Bob-Omb is performing on stage when Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend, Matthew Patel, crashes through the ceiling and challenges Scott Pilgrim to a fight. Patel displays mystical powers and summons demon hipster chicks to attack Scott. After a chaotic battle, Scott defeats Patel by punching him into coins, symbolizing his victory in the fight.
Strengths
  • Unique concept
  • Engaging action sequences
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the fantastical elements too over-the-top
Critique
  • The scene starts off with a sudden and chaotic entrance of Matthew Patel, which may be confusing for the audience without proper context or buildup.
  • The dialogue and interactions between characters feel rushed and lack depth, especially in the midst of a fight scene.
  • The transition from Patel's mystical powers to a Bollywood song feels disjointed and out of place, disrupting the flow of the scene.
  • The fight sequence with the Demon Hipster Chicks shooting fireballs at Scott seems random and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
  • The resolution of the fight with Scott punching Patel into coins feels abrupt and lacks a satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and buildup to Matthew Patel's entrance to make it more impactful and understandable.
  • Slow down the pace of the scene to allow for more meaningful interactions and dialogue between characters.
  • Consider reworking the transition from mystical powers to the Bollywood song to make it more seamless and coherent.
  • Integrate the fight with the Demon Hipster Chicks more organically into the scene to avoid it feeling like a random addition.
  • Revisit the resolution of the fight to provide a more satisfying and conclusive end to the conflict.



Scene 17 - Romantic Revelations at The Rockit
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
49 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 49

Ramona makes her way out fast. Passes Stacey.

RAMONA
Well, it was great meeting you.
Tell your gay friends I said bye.

STACEY
Gay friends?

Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out.

STACEY
WALLACE?! Not again!

Ramona passes Knives, who is being resuscitated by Tamara.


50 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 50

Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them.

SCOTT
Aw man. $2.40? That’s not even
enough for the bus home.

RAMONA
I’ll lend you the 30 cents.

Ramona yanks Scott away. The Promoter ambles back onstage.

PROMOTER
Yeah...so like, Sex Bob-Omb wins.


51 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 51

Knives is now wide awake, clapping wildly from the balcony.

Her eyes scan the venue for Scott...but he is long gone.


52 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 52
51.


SCOTT
Sooooooo...

A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.

SCOTT
What was all that all about?

RAMONA
Uh, I guess...

Ramona takes a breath. Looks deep into Scott’s eyes.

RAMONA
If we’re going to date, you may
have to defeat my seven evil ex’s.

SCOTT
You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?

RAMONA
Seven ex’s, yes.

SCOTT
So I have to fight-

RAMONA
Defeat.

SCOTT
-defeat your seven evil ex’s if
we’re going to continue to date.

RAMONA
Pretty much.

SCOTT
So, what you’re saying is...
(beat)
We are dating?

RAMONA
Uh, I guess.

SCOTT
Cool. Do you want to make out?

RAMONA
Uh...

Scott kisses Ramona. The studio audience ’awwww’s.
52.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Action"]

Summary Ramona quickly exits The Rockit, passing Stacey and Knives. Stacey is shocked to see Wallace and Jimmy making out. Ramona lends Scott money and they leave together. Knives claps for Sex Bob-Omb's win but doesn't see Scott. Scott and Ramona have a conversation on the bus about dating and defeating her seven evil exes. The conflict arises when Ramona reveals to Scott that he must defeat her seven evil exes to continue dating. The scene ends with Scott kissing Ramona on the bus, leading to a romantic moment.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot development
  • Well-developed characters
  • Mix of humor, action, and romance
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive or cliché
Critique
  • The transition from Ramona quickly exiting The Rockit to Scott and Ramona having a conversation on the bus feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Ramona on the bus lacks depth and emotional resonance, considering the significant revelation about the seven evil exes. It could be more impactful with added emotional depth and character development.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere, providing a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The interaction between Scott and Ramona on the bus could be more dynamic and engaging to capture the audience's attention and build tension leading up to the revelation about the evil exes.
  • The scene could explore the emotional implications and consequences of the revelation about the seven evil exes on Scott and Ramona's budding relationship, adding depth and complexity to their dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between Ramona exiting The Rockit and the conversation on the bus to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Scott and Ramona on the bus by adding emotional depth and character development to make the revelation about the evil exes more impactful.
  • Include more visual descriptions to enrich the setting and atmosphere of the scene, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Make the interaction between Scott and Ramona on the bus more dynamic and engaging to captivate the audience and build tension leading up to the revelation about the evil exes.
  • Explore the emotional implications and consequences of the revelation about the seven evil exes on Scott and Ramona's relationship to add depth and complexity to their dynamic.



Scene 18 - Scott's Date and Wallace's Ultimatum
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
53 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - MORNING 53

A bleary Wallace fries bacon. Scott bursts through the
front door, a spring in his step. The studio audience
applauds.

WALLACE
Someone’s happy.

SCOTT
Well, someone got to second base
last night. And someone has a
second date tonight.

WALLACE
Someone’s lucky then.

SCOTT
You know when I say ’˜someone’, I
mean me, right? I got to second
base last night...maybe first and a
half.

Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott.

SCOTT
Oh, hey, I’m inviting Ramona over
for dinner, so you can’t be here
tonight. I don’t want you gaying up
the place.

WALLACE
Okay, Scott. But in return I have
to issue an ultimatum.

SCOTT
One of your famous ultimatums?

WALLACE
It may live in infamy...You have to
break up with Knives. Today. Okay?

Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace’s bacon.

SCOTT
But...but...it’s HARD.

WALLACE
If you don’t do it, I’m going to
tell Ramona about Knives. I swear
to God, Scott.

SCOTT
53.


But you...you’re...

At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom
and helps himself to coffee.

JIMMY
Morning.

Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly.

SCOTT
DOUBLE STANDARD!

WALLACE
I didn’t make up the gay rulebook.
If you have a problem with it, take
it up with Liberace’s Ghost.

SCOTT
You’re a monster.

WALLACE
Now put the bacon down and go do
your dirt while I watch the Lucas
Lee marathon on TBS Superstation.

SCOTT
Who’s Lucas Lee?

Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW
magazine.

WALLACE
He was this pretty good skater and
now he’s this pretty good actor.
He’s filming a Winifred Hailey
movie in Toronto right now.

SCOTT
They make movies in Toronto?

WALLACE
Yes. I am stalking him later.

SCOTT
So, this Lucas Lee-

WALLACE
Lucas Lee is not important to you
right now! Get out.

SCOTT
You suck. Surprising no one.
54.


Scott grumbles off. Wallace turns the television way up. We
see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller.

LUCAS LEE (ON TV)
Listen close and listen hard,
bucko. The next click is me hanging
up. The one after that...is me
pulling the trigger.


54 EXT. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET - DAY 54

A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone.

SCOTT
Oh, hey, Knives. Um, do you want
to, like, talk or whatever?

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like
a spring jacket? And a hoodie?

SCOTT
Ummm...

Scott checks what he’s wearing. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores.

KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
And a dorky hat?!

SCOTT
It’s not dorky! Why are you
psychic?

A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass.

SCOTT
Oh. Uh...okay. Hi.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary While Wallace cooks breakfast, Scott bursts in excited about a date. However, Wallace reveals he's inviting Ramona to dinner, forcing Scott to choose between Knives and Ramona. Wallace gives Scott an ultimatum: break up with Knives or he'll tell Ramona about her. Scott reluctantly agrees. As Wallace watches TV, Scott calls Knives from a payphone, but she tracks him down and appears at the payphone.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Conflict setup
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Relatively low stakes
Critique
  • The scene opens with a light-hearted and comedic tone, which is consistent with the overall style of the screenplay.
  • The banter between Scott and Wallace adds humor to the scene, but the dialogue could be more focused on advancing the plot or character development.
  • The ultimatum issued by Wallace to break up with Knives feels forced and lacks emotional depth. It could be more impactful if the reasons behind the ultimatum were explored further.
  • The interaction between Scott and Wallace regarding the gay rulebook and Liberace's Ghost feels out of place and detracts from the main storyline.
  • The introduction of Lucas Lee through the television adds an interesting element to the scene, but the transition from the ultimatum to Lucas Lee could be smoother.
  • The phone call between Scott and Knives introduces a sense of mystery and intrigue with Knives seemingly being psychic, but the execution of this revelation could be more engaging.
  • Overall, the scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with elements of humor and plot development feeling disjointed.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the dialogue between Scott and Wallace to make the ultimatum more emotionally resonant and impactful.
  • Streamline the transition between the ultimatum and the introduction of Lucas Lee to maintain the scene's coherence.
  • Enhance the phone call between Scott and Knives by building up the mystery of Knives' psychic abilities in a more engaging way.
  • Ensure that each element introduced in the scene contributes to the overall plot and character development to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Focus on tightening the pacing and structure of the scene to maintain the audience's engagement and drive the story forward effectively.



Scene 19 - Unrequited Love at the Record Store
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
55 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 55

The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.

Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE
CLASH AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY
ADAMS posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow
and mist.

KNIVES CHAU
I can’t believe they’re coming to
town. Will you take me to the show?
55.


SCOTT
Yeah, listen-

The SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder, pounding inside Scott’s head.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh, hey, I wanted to invite you
over for dinner.

SCOTT
Like, Chinese food?

KNIVES CHAU
Yeah.

SCOTT
Hmm. It’s not my favorite.

KNIVES CHAU
Yeah. Well, to meet my parents.
It’s my birthday dinner.

SCOTT
Uh...I think that’s a really bad
idea. Like, really, just so bad.

KNIVES CHAU
No, it’s okay. Why?

SCOTT
Well I mean, I’m too old for you!

KNIVES CHAU
No you’re not! My Dad is nine years
older than my Mom...

SCOTT
And...and...are you even allowed to
date outside your race or whatever?

KNIVES CHAU
I don’t care. I’m in...LOVE!

Knives is so smitten, the word actually appears onscreen.

Scott brushes it away. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop.

SCOTT
Um, listen...I was thinking we
should break up or whatever.

KNIVES CHAU
Really?
56.


SCOTT
Yeah...um...it’s not going to work
out.

KNIVES CHAU
Oh...

Scott walks out, leaving Knives in the aisle.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a bustling record store, Knives' infectious excitement about a band's upcoming concert clashes with Scott's hesitation. Amidst the vinyl and standees, Knives extends an invitation to her birthday dinner, eager for Scott to meet her parents. However, Scott's discomfort with their age difference and cultural disparities leads him to break up with Knives, leaving her heartbroken.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Predictable outcome
  • Lack of surprise
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Knives feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The use of onscreen text like 'LOVE' to emphasize Knives' feelings comes off as cheesy and detracts from the authenticity of the scene.
  • The resolution of the scene, with Scott abruptly deciding to break up with Knives, feels rushed and lacks emotional impact.
  • The spooky music motif is distracting and doesn't add much to the scene, feeling out of place.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to establish continuity.
  • Develop the dialogue between Scott and Knives to make it more authentic and emotionally resonant.
  • Avoid using onscreen text to emphasize emotions, instead focus on the actors' performances to convey feelings.
  • Build up the breakup moment between Scott and Knives to create a more impactful and meaningful scene.
  • Reconsider the use of the spooky music motif and explore other ways to enhance the atmosphere of the scene.



Scene 20 - Awkward Encounters and New Beginnings
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
56 INT. THE BUS / RECORD STORE - DAY 56

Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Knives.
CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store, in shock.
ON THE BUS: Scott sighs, thinks of something happier...
CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading, her funky pink hair.
ON THE BUS: Scott smiles, a little happier.


57 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ BASEMENT 57

Sex Bob-Omb tune up. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.

KIM PINE
Where’s Knives? Not coming tonight?

SCOTT
Oh. No. We broke up.

Young Neil PAUSES his DS. Kim and Stills share a look.

SCOTT
OH! Check it out, I learned the
bass line from Final Fantasy 2.

Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune.

KIM PINE
Scott, you are the salt of the
earth.

SCOTT
Aw, thanks.

KIM PINE
Wait. I meant scum of the earth.

SCOTT
Aw, thanks.

YOUNG NEIL
You...you broke up with Knives?
57.


SCOTT
Yeah, but don’t worry, maybe you’ll
meet my new new girlfriend soon.

YOUNG NEIL
Newnew.

Kim mimes shooting herself. Stills unplugs Scott’s amp.

STEPHEN STILLS
Okay! From here on out, no
GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at
practice, whether they’re old, new
or new-new. We were lucky to
survive that last round. This is
sudden death now. Okay?

SCOTT
Okay!

DINGY DONG...

SCOTT
That’s for me.

Scott opens the door to see Ramona, now sporting BLUE HAIR.

SCOTT
Hey...you’re here?

RAMONA
Yes. Like you said. Is it not cool?

Scott ushers her in, weirded out by this hair development.

SCOTT
You know your hair?

RAMONA
I know of it.

SCOTT
It’s all blue.

RAMONA
Yeah. I just dyed it. Are you going
to introduce me?

SCOTT
Oh yeah, this is Stephen Stills,
Young Neil, that’s... Kim.

RAMONA
58.


Hey everyone.

Everyone mumbles back. Scott still stares at Ramona’s hair.

SCOTT
Is it weird not being pink anymore?

RAMONA
I change my hair every week and a
half, dude. Get used to it.
(to Sex-Bob-Omb)
So...uh...how do you guys all know
each other?

YOUNG NEIL
High school, I guess?

STEPHEN STILLS
What Neil said.

YOUNG NEIL
I’m Neil.

KIM PINE
Believe it or not, I actually dated
Scott in high school.

RAMONA
Got any embarrassing stories?

KIM PINE
Yeah. He’s an idiot.

Scott fake laughs. Starts ushering Ramona out again.

SCOTT
Okay. Cool. See you guys tomorrow.

STEPHEN STILLS
Uh, what about rehearsal?

SCOTT
Neil knows my parts.

YOUNG NEIL
(to Stills)
I’m Neil.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Scott reminisces about Knives and Ramona while the band deals with the aftermath of the breakup. The introduction of Ramona with blue hair creates an awkward atmosphere, which is further heightened by Scott's announcement of his split. Stephen Stills imposes a 'no girlfriend talk' rule, temporarily resolving the tension. The scene ends with Ramona's arrival and Scott's departure, leaving behind unresolved emotions and setting the stage for future developments.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Some predictable plot points
Critique
  • The transition between Scott thinking about Knives on the bus and Knives being in shock at the record store is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Scott and Ramona in Stephen Stills' basement feels a bit forced and lacks depth. It could benefit from more natural and meaningful interactions between the characters.
  • The introduction of Ramona's blue hair is a significant moment in the scene, but the reactions of the other characters, especially Scott, could be more impactful and reflective of their personalities.
  • The exchange between Kim Pine and Ramona about embarrassing stories and Scott being an idiot feels out of place and doesn't add much to the scene. It could be replaced with more meaningful dialogue that develops the characters or advances the plot.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with the interactions between the characters feeling disjointed and lacking a cohesive narrative thread.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between Scott and Knives to create a more seamless connection between the two moments.
  • Focus on developing more authentic and engaging dialogue between Scott, Ramona, and the other characters to deepen their relationships and add depth to the scene.
  • Enhance the impact of Ramona's blue hair reveal by exploring the characters' reactions in a more nuanced and meaningful way.
  • Replace the exchange about embarrassing stories with dialogue that serves to advance the plot or develop the characters in a more significant manner.
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction contributes to the overall narrative and character development.



Scene 21 - Garlic Bread and Snow Hats
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
58 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 58
59.


Ramona lounges, reading a magazine. A tense Scott hurries
around the kitchen area, preparing food as Wallace looks
on.

WALLACE
Are you doing okay there?

SCOTT
Yeah, good. Good.

Ramona goes to the bathroom. Scott drops the act.

SCOTT
She changed her hair.

WALLACE
So? It looks nice blue.

SCOTT
I know, but she changed it without
even making a big deal about it.
She’s spontaneous. Impulsive.
Fickle. Oh my god, what do I do?

WALLACE
I can’t believe you were worried
about me gaying up the place.

Ramona returns. Wallace pulls on a jacket.

RAMONA
How’s dinner coming along?

SCOTT
Yeah, good. Good.

WALLACE
I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. I’m
heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my
hetero crush.

Scott stops Wallace at the door, with a panicked whisper.

SCOTT
Don’t go.

WALLACE
Will you man the hell up? You could
get to 2nd and a half base.

SCOTT
You think so?
60.


WALLACE
Well, if you strike out in the next
hour, come find me at the Castle.

SCOTT
’If I strike out’?

WALLACE
Okay, ’when’. See you in sixty.

’15 MINUTES LATER’ Ramona and Scott eat on the floor,
picnic style. Scott has cooked garlic bread (and only
garlic bread) for dinner.

RAMONA
This is actually really good garlic
bread.

SCOTT
Garlic bread is my favorite food. I
could honestly eat it for every
meal. Or just all the time without
even stopping.

RAMONA
You’d get fat.

SCOTT
No. Why would I get fat?

RAMONA
Bread makes you fat.

SCOTT
Bread makes you FAT??

’15 MINUTES LATER’ A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his
bass guitar.

SCOTT
So I wrote a song about you.

RAMONA
Oh yeah?

SCOTT
Yeah, it goes like this: Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ooooh.

RAMONA
I can’t wait to hear it when it’s
finished.
61.


SCOTT
Finished?

’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott makes out with Ramona on the
futon.

Scott smiles as she runs her hands through his hair.

RAMONA
Your hair’s pretty shaggy.

SCOTT
OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON’T I?!?

Scott sits up like a shot. Ramona is taken aback.

RAMONA
What?

SCOTT
Ha. No, sorry. It’s just that I
got... I got a bad haircut right
before me and my big ex broke up.
But it’s so long ago, I can barely
remember it...

A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. Earl Jones deep.

NARRATOR
Scott is acutely aware that his
last salon haircut took place
exactly 431 days ago, three hours
before his big breakup. He blames
this largely on the haircut and has
been cutting his own hair ever
since.

RAMONA
Sounds like a bad time.

SCOTT
Not really.

NARRATOR
It was.

SCOTT
It was a mutual thing.

NARRATOR
It wasn’t.

SCOTT
62.


I mean, she told me it was mutual.

NARRATOR
She dumped him. It was brutal.

RAMONA
What was her name?

SCOTT
She was Nat when I knew her. But
she stopped liking that name.
Then...she stopped liking me...

RAMONA
Your hair is cute. I like it long.

SCOTT
But it’d be cuter short! Wouldn’t
it?!

Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears, now wearing
his dorky SNOW HAT, hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps.

RAMONA
What? Why are you wearing that?

SCOTT
I thought we could go for a walk.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Ramona and Scott hang out at Wallace's apartment, where Scott cooks garlic bread and serenades Ramona with a song. They end up making out on the futon, but Scott becomes self-conscious about his long hair and puts on a snow hat. Ramona reassures him that she likes his hair, resolving his insecurity.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Romantic tension
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Low stakes
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, jumping from one topic to another without a cohesive thread.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially Scott's panicked reactions and the interactions between the characters.
  • The pacing of the scene is inconsistent, with abrupt shifts in tone and mood that can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The humor in the scene comes across as forced and contrived, lacking the organic flow of genuine comedic moments.
  • The character interactions feel superficial and lack depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with their emotions and motivations.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central theme or conflict for the scene to revolve around, providing a clear direction for the characters and dialogue.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of each character's personality and emotions.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to improve the pacing and flow, allowing for smoother transitions between different moments.
  • Enhance the humor by incorporating more subtle and character-driven comedic elements, avoiding overly exaggerated reactions and jokes.
  • Deepen the character interactions by exploring their inner thoughts and feelings, creating more meaningful and engaging relationships on screen.



Scene 22 - The Endless Stairway
  • Overall: 0.0
  • Concept: 0
  • Plot: 0
  • Characters: 0
  • Dialogue: 0
59 EXT. ENDLESS STAIRWAY - NIGHT 59

’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY, long
handrail between them.

RAMONA
Tell me we didn’t come out here
just so you could cover your hair
with that hat.

SCOTT
Nooo. I just love me some walking.
Putting one leg in front of the
other.

RAMONA
You seem a little...heightened.

SCOTT
63.


Yeah. I don’t know. I just, when
I’m with you I feel like I’m on
drugs. Not that I do drugs, unless
you do, in which case I do drugs
all the time, every drug, but...you
make me feel...I don’t know. Things
seem a little brighter around you
or something.

Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and
NIGHT TURNS TO DAY, as if crossing a magical line.

RAMONA
What is this place?

SCOTT
A totally awesome castle. They’re
shooting this movie up here.

Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA, a castle
surrounded by big, bright movie set lights.

RAMONA
Who’s in it?

SCOTT
Winifred Hailey and some actor guy.

RAMONA
Oh, who?

SCOTT
I forget. Let’s find out.
Genres: null

Summary Scott and Ramona ascend an endless stairway, where Ramona confronts him about hiding his hair under a hat. Scott confesses that Ramona makes him feel heightened and "on drugs." At the top of the stairs, they behold Casa Loma, a castle surrounded by movie set lights, and discover Winifred Hailey's involvement in the film.
Strengths null
Weaknesses null
Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with the dialogue feeling forced and unnatural.
  • The conversation between Scott and Ramona about his hat and walking comes across as awkward and unconvincing.
  • The transition from discussing Scott's hat to his feelings of being 'heightened' around Ramona feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The dialogue about feeling like he's on drugs when he's with Ramona seems out of place and doesn't fit the tone of the scene.
  • The description of the setting and the magical line crossing from night to day feels cliched and lacks originality.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities.
  • Focus on developing a clear purpose for the scene to drive the conversation and interactions between Scott and Ramona.
  • Smooth out the transition between different topics of conversation to create a more cohesive flow.
  • Avoid cliched descriptions and aim for more unique and engaging details to enhance the setting.
  • Work on building a stronger emotional connection between Scott and Ramona to make their interactions more meaningful and impactful.



Scene 23 - Scott vs. Lucas Lee: The Fight on Set
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
60 EXT. CASA LOMA - CONTINUOUS 60

A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by
some GOON. A STAND IN takes the plac