Lucifer

Genres: Drama, Fantasy, Comedy, Mystery, Crime, Supernatural



Summary Lucifer Morningstar, the Devil, leaves Hell and winds up in Los Angeles where he runs a lavish nightclub called Lux. After getting pulled over for speeding and bribing the cop, Lucifer faces off against his brother and battles his inner desires while navigating a murder investigation of a fallen pop star named Delilah. Along the way, he uses his charm and unique abilities to extract information, confront potential suspects, and ultimately take revenge for Chloe, the LAPD detective who he forms an unlikely bond with. Through it all, Lucifer questions his identity, relationships, and purpose in life.





Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Well-written dialogue and character development.
  • Strong conflict and character development
  • The scene effectively builds tension and reveals important information about the characters' relationships.
  • Intense action and emotional moments, strong character development for Lucifer and Chloe.
  • Strong character development and exploration of themes of identity and morality.
Scene Weaknesses
  • Lacks significant plot developments.
  • Some clunky dialogue and exposition
  • Low conflict level and stakes
  • The scene is largely filler with no major plot developments.
  • Lack of action and high stakes may be perceived as dull or unexciting to some audiences.
Suggestions
  • Focus on driving the plot forward through character actions and decisions.
  • Consider trimming down exposition-heavy dialogue to allow for more natural character interactions.
  • Increase conflict and stakes in scenes to keep viewers engaged.
  • Ensure all scenes have a clear purpose and contribute to the overall narrative.
  • Consider incorporating more action and suspense to add excitement and dynamism to the screenplay.

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Characters 8.9  98 Silence of the lambs: 8.8 Black mirror 304: 8.9
Formatting 9.36  96 Silence of the lambs: 9.31 Lucifer: 9.36
Dialogue 8.4  93 Suits: 8.3 Good Will Hunting: 8.4
Pacing 8.68  86 LA confidential - draft: 8.65 Lucifer: 8.68
Structure 8.59  83 Amadeus: 8.57 Lucifer: 8.59
External Goal 8.32  76 Amadeus: 8.28 Lucifer: 8.32
Originality 6.91  68 Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 6.90 Lucifer: 6.91
Conflict Level 7.9  65 Hors de prix: 7.8 Pan's Labyrinth: 7.9
Overall 8.3  57 Queens Gambit: 8.2 face/off: 8.3
Engagement 8.64  54 The Wizard of oz: 8.62 Lucifer: 8.64
Concept 7.8  50 Stranger things: 7.7 Get Out: 7.8
Character Changes 6.0  50 Pinocchio: 5.9 Lucifer: 6.0
Plot 8.0  48 Mo: 7.9 severance (TV): 8.0
Story Forward 7.7  38 Breaking Bad: 7.6 Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 7.7
Emotional Impact 7.1  36 Suits: 7.0 Good Will Hunting: 7.1
High Stakes 6.7  33 Queens Gambit: 6.6 Rear Window: 6.7
Internal Goal 7.91  28 Severance: 7.90 Lucifer: 7.91



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Arrival in LA "Dark" 8 8 87 7 698606706 79101010
2 Lucifer Gets Pulled Over "Witty and mischievous" 8 8 78 9 387504604 99101010
3 Siblings and Seduction "Dark, Intense" 9 8 89 9 88101009908 8101098
4 Fixing a Fallen Star "emotional" 8 7 88 8 789505709 998109
5 untitled "intense" 9 8 99 9 8891001010010 89987
6 Lucifer and Chloe "Tense" 8 9 87 9 788908808 8910109
7 Breaking Mirrors "dark" 9 8 98 9 89810010909 898109
8 Wedding Crasher "sarcastic" 7 8 79 8 689806706 9991010
9 The Narcotics Deal "dark" 8.5 9 87 9 089908908 989109
10 Lucifer Confronts 2Vile "dark" 9 8 96 9 788908908 89898
11 The Interrogation "Intense" 9 9 86 10 788908908 99899
12 The Detective and the Devil "sarcastic" 8 8 87 9 489605705 988109
13 Trixie vs. the Mean Girl "darkly humorous" 7 7 66 8 586604606 889108
14 Lucifer Meets Dan "sarcastic, tense" 8 7 83 9 368804605 97898
15 Lucifer and Chloe Wait at the Therapist's Office "sarcastic, bantering" 8 7 59 9 287602304 109898
16 Therapy Session "Lighthearted" 8 7 87 9 389704705 89998
17 Lucifer's Encounter on the Film Set "tense" 8 7 96 8 689908906 78997
18 The Revelation "Dramatic" 9 8 104 9 6589081007 87798
19 Connections and Confessions "Serious" 8 7 85 9 698606807 98899
20 Jimmy Barnes' Fate "Intense" 9 8 96 10 988110119011 898109
21 Hospital Showdown "tense" 9 8 76 10 889908708 99998
22 Lucifer Confronts Amenadiel and Talks with Dr. Linda "dark" 9 8 99 10 889706708 89989


Scene 1 - Arrival in LA
!
!
!
!
LUCIFER(
!
“Pilot”



Written by
Tom Kapinos



Directed by
Len Wiseman


Production Draft
3/3/15 WHITE
3/9/15 FULL BLUE
3/11/15 FULL PINK
3/12/15 YELLOW
3/14/15 FULL GREEN
3/15/15 GOLD 34,35,36,37
3/16/15 BUFF 56
3/17/15 SALMON 56,56A
3/18/15 CHERRY ii,iii,iv,v,vi,1,11,17,35,35A,37,47,52,55,56,56A,57
3/19/15 GRAY 6,6A,12,13,28,30,36,37,38,38A,54
3/21/15 LAVENDER ii,iii,4,8,9,13,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,49,50,50A,51

CHARGE#276096
WARNER BROS. ENTERTAINMENT
4000 WARNER BLVD.
BURBANK, CA 91522

© 2015 WARNER BROS. ENTERTAINMENT INC. THIS SCRIPT IS THE PROPERTY OF WARNER
BROS. ENTERTAINMENT INC. NO PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED,
REPRODUCED OR USED BY ANY MEANS, OR DISCLOSED TO, QUOTED OR PUBLISHED IN ANY
MEDIUM WITHOUT THE PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT OF WARNER BROS. ENTERTAINMENT INC.
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 ii.


LUCIFER


"Pilot"


CAST


LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR
CHLOE DANCER
MAZIKEEN a.k.a. "MAZE"
AMENADIEL
BEATRICE "TRIXIE" ESPINOZA
DANIEL ESPINOZA


OFFICER DIGGS
DELILAH
SHOOTER
JIMMY BARNES
SUPERMODEL BRIDE
WHITE ENGLISH BUTLER
2VILE
CREW 1
DR. LINDA MARTIN
GREY COOPER
AMANDA BELLO


UNIFORM #1
PRIEST
TRAFFIC COP
A.D.
TV NEWS REPORTER (TALKING ABOUT DELILAH'S POST-MORTEM SALES)


NON-SPEAKING


HOLLYWOOD HIPSTERS OUTSIDE LUX
LUX PATRONS
DELILAH'S TAXI DRIVER
ROOKIE UNIFORMS AND CORONER OUTSIDE LUX (POST-SHOOTING)
MALIBU WEDDING GUESTS
2VILE'S CREW
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENTS
MILFY MOM
MEAN GIRL
GROUP OF ONLOOKERS AT MOVIE SHOOT
MOVIE CREW
UNIFORMS AT MOVIE SET
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 iii.


NON-SPEAKING (CONT'D)

GREY'S STUNT DOUBLE
AMANDA'S BLACK SUV DRIVER
BOBBY THE BODYGUARD
VIGIL FOR DELILAH OUTSIDE LUX
YOUNG BOY BAND
MIXERS AND TECHS AT STUDIO
JUSTIN BIEBER-Y KID
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 iv.


LUCIFER


"Pilot"


SETS


INTERIORS


LOCATION: LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA

LUX

2VILE'S PLACE

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

THERAPIST'S OFFICE
WAITING ROOM

RECORDING STUDIO

HOSPITAL ROOM


VEHICLES


LUCIFER'S CAR

OFFICER DIGG'S COP CAR

DELILAH'S TAXI

PIECE OF SHIT CAR (DRIVEN BY SHOOTER)

CITY BUS

CORONER'S VAN

EMERGENCY VEHICLES

LAPD SQUAD CARS

CHLOE'S POLICE CAR

BLACK SUV (DRIVING AMANDA)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 v.


EXTERIORS


LOCATION: LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA

SUNSET BLVD.

LUX
STREET

MALIBU WEDDING SITE

2VILE'S PLACE

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
STREET

DOWNTOWN
INDUSTRIAL AREA
STREET
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 vi.


CHRONOLOGY


NIGHT 1 SCENES 1-12
DAY 2 SCENES 13-25
NIGHT 2 SCENES 26-28
DAY 3 SCENES 29
NIGHT 3 SCENES 30-31
DAY 4 SCENES 32
LUCIFER
“Pilot”


ACT ONE

FADE IN:
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary Lucifer Morningstar arrives in Los Angeles and reflects on his dissatisfaction with his role as the Devil in Hell.
Strengths "Well-written dialogue and character development."
Weaknesses "Lacks significant plot developments."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderately high. While the premise of a fallen angel living in Los Angeles is not entirely new, the show's unique blend of dark humor, supernatural elements, and philosophical themes sets it apart from other shows.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 9

Lucifer's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance over all those around him by standing up not only to his fellow nightclub patrons but to his own insecurities as well. He seeks to reaffirm his self-worth and strengthen his resolve in leaving Hell behind and embracing his new life in Los Angeles.

External Goal: 8

Lucifer's external goal in this scene is to enjoy himself and indulge in the vices of human life. However, he also wants to confront his newfound mortality, which becomes clear in his conversation with the musician.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Lucifer's belief in free will and the musician's acceptance of predestination. This challenges Lucifer's worldview as the ruler of Hell and forces him to question whether people are truly responsible for their actions or slaves to fate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a complex and charismatic protagonist, establishes a unique and intriguing tone, and raises intriguing questions about the nature of good and evil.

Pacing: 10

The pacing of this scene is effective in creating tension and intrigue through the use of quick, snappy dialogue and dramatic character moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear and concise scene descriptions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 10

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a pilot script, introducing the main character, his world, and his central conflict in a clear and engaging way.


Critique As an AI language model, I don't have expertise in screenwriting. However, this is not a scene, but rather a script cover page containing production information, a cast list, set descriptions, and a chronology outline. It is not possible to critique a scene based on this information alone.
Suggestions Unfortunately, there is no actual scene description provided in the given material. As an AI language model, I cannot suggest improvements for a blank scene. Please provide me with the scene content, and I would be happy to help.



Scene 2 - Lucifer Gets Pulled Over
1 EXT. CITY OF ANGELS - SUNSET BLVD - NIGHT (NIGHT ONE) 1 *

A jet-black vintage sports car sails down Sunset, cruising
through the adult Disneyland that is nighttime Los Angeles.
Neon and billboards reflected on the windshield. The Stones’
“Gimme Shelter” blasting from the radio.

2 INT. LUCIFER’S CAR - CONTINUOUS 2 *

The Devil himself. Say hello to LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR.

He’s good-looking, a man of considerable wealth and taste,
but that’s not what makes him jump off the screen. It’s his
vibe. Pure lusty mischief. Sardonic smile. Timeless style.

And yes...

He’s that Lucifer. The son of God. The one who rebelled,
plotted against his father and plummeted from grace. The one
who was banished from Paradise and forced to serve as the
Lord of Hell for all eternity.

But right now, Lucifer’s getting pulled over for speeding. A
motorcycle cop. Lucifer adjusts his mirror to see OFFICER
DIGGS approaching the car, he yells over the MUSIC.

OFFICER DIGGS
CAN YOU TURN DOWN THE MUSIC, SIR?!

Lucifer TURNS DOWN THE VOLUME.

LUCIFER
You know what they say, Officer...
If it’s getting too loud, you’re
gettin’ too old.

OFFICER DIGGS
Do you know why I pulled you over?

LUCIFER
Obviously you felt the need to
exercise your limited power and
punish me for ignoring the speed
limit. It’s okay. I understand.
(smiles)
I like to punish people too.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 2.
2 CONTINUED: 2
LUCIFER (CONT'D)
(a wistful aside)
Or at least I used to...

OFFICER DIGGS
Do you have any idea how fast you
were going?

LUCIFER
Haven’t a clue. I blame it on the
Stones. They just make a man wanna
drive, ya’ know what I mean?

And Lucifer has now locked eyes with the officer, A poignant
beat. The cop pauses for a moment, thoughtful.

OFFICER DIGGS
Sometimes... I put my siren on, and
drive really fast for no reason at
all. Just ‘cause I can.

LUCIFER
Right?! And why wouldn’t you? It’s
fun! Feels good to get away with
something, doesn’t it?

Diggs smiles. Chuckles. Yes...it...does. But then he catches
himself -- not sure why he just shared his secret desires
with a complete stranger.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
It’s okay, Officer. People like to
tell me things. Those deep, dark,
naughty little desires that’re
really on their minds. It's a gift.
Must be something about this face.

OFFICER DIGGS
(all biz now)
License and registration.

LUCIFER
Coming right up...

Lucifer fishes a hundred out of his wallet, proffers it...

OFFICER DIGGS
Are you trying to bribe me, sir?

LUCIFER
Yes, of course. Why, is that not
enough? Here, take more, it’s only
money.



(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 3.
2 CONTINUED: (2) 2

OFFICER DIGGS
It’s against the law, sir.

LUCIFER
You people are funny about your
laws. You break the law sometimes,
don’t you?

The officer nods. It’s almost involuntary.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Do tell.

OFFICER DIGGS
Sometimes I’ll pull a woman over
for a minor infraction and get her
to flash me a little somethin’.

LUCIFER
You dirty dog you...

OFFICER DIGGS
Sometimes I let her off with a
warning. Sometimes I don’t.
Sometimes other stuff happens...

LUCIFER
(shakes his head)
LA’s finest...
(nods at the cash)
You’re tempted to keep that, aren’t
you?
(off the cop’s nod)
So what are you waiting for?
Permission? Keep it! Buy yourself
something pretty. You deserve it.
But if you don’t mind, I really
must be on my way...

The officer takes the money and puts it in his pocket.

OFFICER DIGGS
Okay, sir, you have a nice evening.

LUCIFER
You too, Officer.

Officer Diggs walks away. Lucifer readjusts his mirror, but
this time we see a flash of something strange; a glimpse of
Lucifer's true reflection; almost too fast to even
comprehend, but enough to unsettle us as --




(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 4.
2 CONTINUED: (3) 2

Lucifer dimes the radio and ROARS off -- leaving one very
dazed cop in his wake. As he goes, we see the Caddy’s rear
vanity plate, which reads: “FALL1N 1.” *

SMASH TO BLACK

TITLE CARD: LUCIFER

3 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT 3

Lucifer pulls up in front of his bar, Lux. It doesn’t look
like much from the outside, but there’s a long line of
HOLLYWOOD HIPSTERS dying to get in.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Lucifer Morningstar, the Devil himself, gets pulled over for speeding and engages in amusing conversation with Officer Diggs before ultimately bribing him with cash. We catch a glimpse of Lucifer's true reflection before he drives off to his bar, Lux.
Strengths "Witty and engaging dialogue between Lucifer and Officer Diggs, gives a glimpse of Lucifer's true form"
Weaknesses "Lack of significant plot development, low emotional impact"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 8

The scene is fairly original in its approach to the Devil as a protagonist and its exploration of moral ambiguity. The authenticity of the dialogue and character actions adds to its originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal is to indulge his own desires and to challenge authority figures. He wants to feel powerful and in control.

External Goal: 7

Lucifer's external goal in this scene is to get out of a speeding ticket issued by Officer Diggs.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict in the scene between Lucifer's own values and the values of authority figures, represented by Officer Diggs. Lucifer challenges the idea of laws and authority, while Officer Diggs represents the enforcement of those laws.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty, fast-paced dialogue and the morally ambiguous protagonist.

Pacing: 10

The pacing of the scene is effective because it moves quickly from establishing shots to dialogue, with tension building between the protagonist and Officer Diggs.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with character names in all caps and clear scene headings.

Structure: 10

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with an establishing shot followed by dialogue between characters.


Critique Overall, this scene serves as a strong introduction to the character of Lucifer Morningstar and sets the tone for the series. The dialogue is witty and each character's personalities are established effectively. The use of the Stones' "Gimme Shelter" adds to the atmosphere of the scene.

One potential suggestion for improvement would be to add more visual specificity. While the description of the car and the cityscape is vivid, there could be more specific actions or movements to create a more dynamic visual experience for the audience. Additionally, although there is a glimpse of Lucifer's true reflection at the end of the scene, it may be helpful to emphasize this moment more to increase its impact and leave a lasting impression on the viewer.

Overall, this scene effectively sets the tone and introduces the main character in a compelling way, but could benefit from more visual specificity.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Lucifer explain his backstory, find ways to reveal it through action and dialogue. Maybe have him allude to his past misdeeds, or have someone else recognize him as the devil.

2. Streamline dialogue: While the banter between Lucifer and Officer Diggs is entertaining, it could be tightened up and made more concise. Cut out any unnecessary lines or exchanges.

3. Cut down on exposition: The opening description of Los Angeles and Lucifer's car feels like unnecessary exposition. Instead, focus on the action and dialogue that drives the scene forward.

4. Add visual cues: When Lucifer briefly sees his true reflection, it could be more effective if there were visual cues that hinted at his demonic nature (e.g. glowing eyes, pointed ears, etc.)

5. Build tension: While the interaction between Lucifer and Officer Diggs is amusing, it doesn't create much tension. Consider adding a more suspenseful element to the scene, such as having Lucifer use his powers to manipulate the situation.



Scene 3 - Siblings and Seduction
4 INT. LUX - CONTINUOUS 4

A little bit of Hell on earth. A living, breathing tribute to
Lucifer’s favorite things -- wine, women and song. Lucifer
glides through... soaking up the sights and sounds of elegant
debauchery like a proud, modern-day Gatsby.

His eyes land on the exotic, dark-haired beauty tending bar
over yonder. MAZIKEEN. But she’s always been just MAZE to
Lucifer. She leans seductively with her back against the bar,
doesn’t turn around as Lucifer approaches... speaks to him
via a mirror...

MAZE
Where’ve you been?

LUCIFER
Holed up at the Chateau. Copulating
with a woman named Faith. Ironic,
isn’t it?

Maze shakes her head, disgusted. As she does, we catch an
unclear glimpse of her reflection in the bar mirror. A blur
of almost serpentine deformity. But it would be weird if Maze
was just your garden variety gal, wouldn’t it?

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Have I ever told you how incredibly
sexy you are when you can’t control
your emotions?

MAZE
And what emotions might those be?

LUCIFER
Why, jealousy, of course.

MAZE
Try disappointment.


(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 5.
4 CONTINUED: 4

A young man suddenly rises from where he’d been kneeling in
front of Maze. Lucifer’s eyebrows go up: didn’t see that
comin’. Maze grins at him:

MAZE (CONT’D)
Thank you, Patrick. You can go.

She finally turns to face Lucifer, smiles and shrugs.

MAZE (CONT’D)
What? I dropped something.
(off Lucifer’s grin/shrug)
Now. Lucifer. I’m a big fan of sex--

LUCIFER
--obviously--

MAZE
But shouldn’t you be spending your
valuable time doing something
more... significant. You’re the
Lord of Hell, for cryin-out-loud.

LUCIFER
I’m retired, Maze. I’ve got nothing
but time.

Maze stares at him for a beat. Then senses something. As does
Lucifer. A ripple in the drink she just poured. Time slows.
Music and laughter become warped and haunted as everyone in
the club slows... except Lucifer and Maze, who share a look.

MAZE
I think you have a visitor.

Through the SLOW-MOTION crowd, Lucifer sees AMENADIEL. The
man is a study in grim intensity. He’s Lucifer’s brother AND
AN ANGEL. Yep, majestic wings and everything. But Amenadiel’s
also a badass. Last thing he radiates is angelic goodness.

LUCIFER
Amenadiel! How’s it hanging, big
guy? Didn’t you see the sign? “No
angels allowed”? No? I’ll make an
exception for you -- on the house.

Lucifer slides over a drink, which Amenadiel ignores.

AMENADIEL
(takin in Lux)
You’ve become quite ensconced with
this little hobby of yours...
(off Lucifer’s nod of thanks)
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 6.
4 CONTINUED: (2) 4
AMENADIEL (CONT'D)
Your return to The Underworld has
been... requested. *

LUCIFER
Oh, okay, let me check my calendar.
Yep, here it is. The seventh of
Never through the fifteenth of
Ain’t Gonna Happen? How’s that work
for you guys?

Amenadiel just stares at him... grim, not amused.

LUCIFER (CONT'D)
I’m consistently surprised by the
whole no sense of humor thing.
(then)
Look, remind Dad I quit Hell
because I was sick and tired of
playing a part in his play. I
believe in free will, not that
tyranny of all his predestination
hoo-ha.

AMENADIEL
I’ll warn you against disrespecting
Our Father.

LUCIFER
Yeah well, Our Father’s been
disrespecting me since the
beginning of time so... pot/kettle.
Don’t you think?

AMENADIEL
You are a mockery of everything
divine.

LUCIFER
Thank you! But lately I’ve been
doing a fair amount of thinking. Do
you think I’m the devil because I’m
inherently evil or simply because
dear ol’ Dad decided I was? Isn’t *
this a classic case of labeling? *

AMENADIEL *
What do you think happens when the *
Devil leaves Hell? All those *
demons, those tormented souls... *
where do they go? *

LUCIFER *
Don’t know, don’t care, not my *
problem. *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 6A.
4 CONTINUED: (3) 4

More staring from Amenadiel. Lucifer downs his brother’s
drink, then locks eyes with Amenadiel... cold as ice now... *

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
(pointed)
Tell Father, I’m not. Going. Back.
(a slight smile)
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 7.
4 CONTINUED: (3) 4
LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Consider the position officially
open. So you, my feathered friend,
can go to hell.

In a blink, Amenadiel's wing-tip is at Lucifer's throat.
Ancient steel fused at its tips. Lucifer’s glass falls,
shatters... but he doesn't flinch.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Go for it. You think Father's upset
now...

Amenadiel wants to kill him. Badly. But Lucifer knows his
Father won't let him die, at least he's willing to test it.

AMENADIEL
He has been patient five years. He
will not be merciful much longer.

Threat planted, Amenadiel withdraws, and exits... and the
club now slips back into regular motion. Lucifer only now
deflates. Amenadiel clearly rattles him.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary Lucifer faces off against his brother, Amenadiel, while Maze questions his retirement. The scene showcases the tension between family loyalty and personal desires, as well as Lucifer's growing sense of identity.
Strengths "Strong conflict and character development"
Weaknesses "Some clunky dialogue and exposition"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 9

The scene's depiction of the devil as a suave, charming character living on Earth is a fresh take on the 'evil' stereotype. The supernatural elements, such as Amenadiel and Maze's deformity, are also original. The dialogue feels authentic and witty, contributing to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence from his father and the label of 'devil'. He wants to prove that he is not inherently evil and that he deserves free will.

External Goal: 10

Lucifer's external goal is to avoid going back to Hell, which Amenadiel has come to request. His immediate challenge is to convince Amenadiel to leave him alone and let him continue living his life on Earth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Lucifer's belief in free will and his father's belief in predestination. This conflict challenges his identity as the devil and his sense of morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 10

The scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, supernatural elements, and fast-paced action. The conflict between Lucifer and Amenadiel creates tension and suspense that keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 10

The pacing of the scene is fast and engaging, with quick cuts and dialogue that maintains a sense of urgency and tension throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is well-formatted and follows expected screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings and character names. The action and dialogue are easy to follow and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a beginning, middle, and end, featuring a conflict and resolution. It also effectively introduces the world and characters of the story.


Critique The scene sets up the premise of the show well, establishing the main character as the devil who has retired and now owns a club on Earth. The dialogue between Lucifer and Maze is snappy and entertaining, with good chemistry between the actors. The introduction of Amenadiel, an angel and Lucifer's brother, adds an element of conflict and tension to the scene. However, the dialogue in the latter half of the scene becomes a bit heavy-handed, with Lucifer and Amenadiel spelling out their opposing beliefs and motivations in a way that feels forced. Overall, the scene effectively establishes the world and characters of the show, but could benefit from some subtlety in the dialogue.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, but there are a few suggestions I would make to improve it:

1. Clarify who Lucifer is speaking to when he says "Where've you been?" - it's unclear until later in the scene that he is talking to Mazikeen.
2. Consider describing Mazikeen's appearance and setting in more detail to create a clearer picture for the audience.
3. Instead of telling the audience that it would be weird if Maze was just a "garden variety gal," show some indication of her supernatural or demonic nature earlier in the scene.
4. Consider adding more action or movement to the scene to break up the dialogue and make it more visually interesting for the audience.
5. Consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene - while Amenadiel's appearance is threatening, there could be more rising action leading up to that moment to keep the audience engaged.



Scene 4 - Fixing a Fallen Star
5 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT 5

Lucifer stands outside, spinning A COIN in his hand, still
thinking about his conversation with Amenadiel... when A TAXI *
slows to a stop in front of Lux. The rear window rolls down.
A beautiful, hot mess appears. This is DELILAH.

Delilah is a fallen-from-grace pop star. The crowd waiting in
line reacts like crowds do when confronted with a super
famous person, tragic or not. Oohs and ahhs and iPhones
galore. But Delilah only has eyes for Lucifer.

DELILAH
Remember me...?

Lucifer smiles... of course he does, but teases...

LUCIFER
Yes... you’re famous. Delilah,
isn’t it? Can I have your
autograph?

DELILAH
If I can have a drink.

6 INT. LUX - NIGHT 6

Lucifer and Delilah sit at a booth. Maze hovers in the BG.

LUCIFER
Why’d you come back?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 8.
6 CONTINUED: 6

DELILAH
Feel safe here, I guess. Reminds me *
of how it was before everything got *
so big and messy. And you...
sometimes I feel like you were the
only one who was ever really honest
with me. But... I need to know
something.

LUCIFER
What’s that?

DELILAH
Did I sell my soul to the Devil?

LUCIFER
That would imply the Devil is
actually interested in your soul.
That’s the stuff of movies and TV.
They always get it wrong.

DELILAH
Come on, you took me in off the
street, let me sing up there
anytime I wanted. I told you I
wanted to be a star and that’s when
things started happening for me.
And you do call yourself Lucifer.

LUCIFER
Call me whatever you want, but I’m
really just a patron of the arts.
(softens)
Honestly, I introduced you to a few
key people who owed me favors. That’s
all.

She leans in, serious and vulnerable now... like a lost kid. *

DELILAH
Do you think I’m talented?

LUCIFER
Of course. You have one of the most
beautiful voices I’ve ever heard.
It’s sweet, dirty, sexy, soulful...
I knew you were a star, I just
helped the world catch up.

DELILAH
Well, it certainly feels very
Faustian at times. Because along
with the good came a hell of a lot
of bad.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 9.
6 CONTINUED: (2) 6

LUCIFER
Oh, so the Devil made you do it?
The alcohol, the drugs, the topless
selfies? Your choices are on you,
my dear.

DELILAH
You’re right. You’re absolutely
right. But the toxic relationships
were my biggest screw-up. God, I
really do have the worst taste in
men...

LUCIFER
You really do, darling. Jimmy
Barnes? I can’t believe you almost
married that sweaty little imp...

DELILAH
He produced my album! You
introduced us!

LUCIFER
I suggested you work with him --
not sleep with him.

DELILAH
I got confused!

LUCIFER
And then you left him at the altar.

DELILAH
Yeah, that was pretty rude of me.
He trapped me in the bathroom at
the Grammys a month ago. Cried.
Said he wanted to get back
together. Then I hear he’s marrying
some supermodel this weekend.
(laughs/almost crying) *
God, I’m such a mess.

LUCIFER
God has nothing to do with your
mess anymore than I do.
(a beat)
You didn’t sell your soul, Delilah,
but you do owe me a favor. Looks
like it’s time to settle up.

DELILAH
(kidding but not)
I’m scared...


(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 10.
6 CONTINUED: (3) 6

LUCIFER
You should be. Because what I’m
about to ask is going to be quite
difficult for you.
(then)
Pull yourself together. That’s it.
That’s all I’m asking. Get it
together before it’s too late.
You’re wasting your talent. Your
life.

DELILAH
(fighting tears)
I let you down.

LUCIFER
Then fix it.

Off Delilah, a glimmer of hope in her eyes...

7 OMIT 7
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Lucifer encounters Delilah, a fallen pop star, at Lux. They discuss her career, past mistakes, and her current state of mind. Lucifer reminds her of the choices she made in her past and encourages her to fix her life.
Strengths "Strong dialogue and character development"
Weaknesses "Low conflict level and stakes"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the Faustian legend, exploring the relationship between the devil and a struggling pop star. The characters are well-drawn and authentic, with their flaws and desires tracked convincingly.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal is to maintain his power and control over his domain, as well as his own sense of identity as a suave and alluring figure. He also seeks to reconcile his true identity as the devil with his growing sense of empathy and compassion for some of the people around him.

External Goal: 9

Lucifer's external goal in this scene is to collect a favor owed to him by Delilah. This reflects his ongoing manipulation of people and their desires for his own gain.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Delilah's sense of agency and responsibility for her actions, and Lucifer's suggestion that external forces are responsible for her failures and successes. This challenges Delilah's sense of free will and reinforces Lucifer's belief in determinism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging because of its clever dialogue, compelling characters, and the high stakes of the interaction between Lucifer and Delilah. The audience is drawn into the scene, rooting for Delilah to rise to the challenge presented to her by Lucifer.

Pacing: 8

The pacing is effective, with the dialogue and action moving at a brisk but controlled tempo. The scene builds tension and momentum towards the moment of the favor being revealed and the challenge presented to Delilah.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear action and dialogue headings. The descriptions of character actions and emotions are vivid and engaging.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and effective structure, moving from the introduction of Delilah to the revelation of her favor to the challenge that Lucifer presents her with. Each beat builds on the previous one, raising the stakes and deepening the conflict.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue flows naturally and reveals information about the characters. However, there are a few places where the writing could be tighter and more impactful.

In terms of strengths, the scene does a good job of introducing Delilah, a fallen-from-grace pop star, and her history with Lucifer. The dialogue between the two characters is believable and engaging, and their interactions reveal a lot about their personalities and motivations. The scene also has a clear arc, with Delilah starting out vulnerable and lost, but ending with a glimmer of hope for the future.

One area where the scene could be improved is with the description and setting. The stage direction is minimal, which can make the scene feel sparse and uninteresting. Adding more sensory details and descriptions of the surroundings could help to create a more immersive and engaging experience for the reader.

Another area where the scene could be tightened up is in the dialogue. While the dialogue is generally well-written, there are a few places where it feels repetitive or unnecessary. For example, when Lucifer says, "Call me whatever you want, but I'm really just a patron of the arts," this feels like a line he's already used before, and doesn't add much new information to the scene.

Finally, the scene could benefit from some more visual elements, such as gestures or actions that help to convey the emotions of the characters. Adding more physicality to the scene could make it feel more dynamic and engaging, and help to bring the characters to life on the page.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for improving the scene:

- Consider adding more visual elements to the scene to enhance the setting and mood. For example, describing the lighting, music, and atmosphere inside Lux.
- Show more of the dynamic between Lucifer and Delilah. As it is currently written, the conversation feels a bit one-sided with Lucifer doing most of the talking. Could Delilah push back more or show more emotion as she talks about her struggles?
- Think about adding more conflict or tension to the scene. Right now, it feels like a straightforward conversation between two people catching up. Could there be more at stake, like Delilah needing something specific from Lucifer that he's reluctant to give?
- Consider cutting down on some of the dialogue. There are places where the characters repeat themselves or go on tangents that feel unnecessary. Tightening up the script could help the scene flow better.



Scene 5 - 
8 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT 8

Lucifer and Delilah walk out... saying goodbye...

DELILAH
I’m gonna do what you asked. I’m
gonna get it together, Lucifer. I
promise.

LUCIFER
It’s not about me. All these terrible
things that weren’t supposed to happen?
They happened. What happens next is up
to you.

She nods. Smiles. Pulls him into an intense hug. They’re
still hugging when a piece-a-shit car slows to a stop in
front of Lux...

SHOTS rings out -- Lucifer and Delilah are RIDDLED WITH
BULLETS. As they both go down in a heap, the car SCREECHES
off. But without warning the shooter’s car is VICIOUSLY
BROADSIDED by a CITY BUS. A beat as everything settles. Then--

AN UNHOLY GROAN from Lucifer as he rises to a sitting
position. His clothes are torn with SMOKING holes. He rips
his shirt open. No blood. No entry wounds. Just pain. A lot
of fucking pain. He slowly climbs to his feet. Goes over to
Delilah, beautiful in peaceful repose. And very much dead.

Lucifer’s face tightens with pain. He looks down the street. *
Zeroes in on the wreckage and stalks over to it.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 11.
8 CONTINUED: 8

The SHOOTER’S body has been thrown from the crumpled car.
Laid out in a pile of broken glass. Twisted and BLOODY, but
still alive. It’s all Lucifer can do to control his emotion.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
What did you do?

SHOOTER
I- I’m sorry...

LUCIFER
Sorry? Tell me why. Why did you
end her life?
(seething, leans closer)
I can smell death coming for you --
shall I speed it along?

SHOOTER
Why else? Money...

LUCIFER
Times like these I wish I was back
in Hell. What I would do to you...

SHOOTER
Hey, I just pulled the trigger...

LUCIFER
What do you mean by that?

The shooter coughs up a final geyser of BLOOD and dies.
Lucifer walks back over to Delilah. He stands there, staring
down at her... with something in his eyes. Is it loss? Which
is when we realize that we’re watching Lucifer from SOMEONE
ELSE’S POV...

9 EXT. LUX - STREET - CONTINUOUS 9 *

FIND Amenadiel in the shadows, a SLOW-MOTION ballet of
ONLOOKERS around him. As he glares at Lucifer ominously, we
wonder: is he observing this moment? Or did he cause it?

10 EXT. LUX - STREET - LATER - SAME NIGHT 10

Now a full-blown crime scene. Cherry tops spin. Police swarm.
CORONER’s put Delilah’s body in a bag and into the back of
their van as an UNMARKED COP CAR pulls up. Out hops LAPD
homicide detective CHLOE DANCER (30s). Beautiful, but
downplays it on purpose. She’s smart, cold and direct.

She strides over to the wrecked car where THE SHOOTER still
lies in a bed of broken glass and blood. Bends over to get a
closer look... when she hears some snickering and whispering.
Turns to see a couple ROOKIE UNIFORMS staring at her.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 12.
10 CONTINUED: 10

CHLOE
Can I help you?

UNIFORM #1
Nah... just talkin’ about some of
our favorite movies.

Another plain-clothed detective walks up from the other
direction. He’s DANIEL ESPINOZA (40ish) gruff, alpha dog.

DAN
(nods at the uniforms)
Hey. Go secure the perimeter.

CHLOE *
You here to babysit me? Lieutenant *
said this is my case -- and I need *
it to be. *

DAN
Well, hi. Nice to see you, too. *
(no reaction)
Yes, it’s your case, Chloe. Wanna *
hear what I got so far though?

CHLOE
No.

DAN
It’s an easy one. This is our bad
guy. Eddie Deacon. Low-level drug
dealer. Found these in his pocket--

Holds up an evidence bag with little packets of HEROIN
stamped with “BOOM” and a picture of a bomb.

DAN (CONT’D)
--And this in Delilah’s purse.

Holds up another evidence bag with ONE packet -- same stamp.

DAN (CONT’D)
So, obviously drug related. Maybe
she owed him a bunch’a cash or
something. She wasn’t exactly
selling out stadiums these days.

CHLOE
How’d you know he’s low-level?

DAN
Look at his car?



(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 13.
10 CONTINUED: (2) 10

CHLOE
Yeah, but look at his watch -- that
ain’t cheap.

DAN
Probably a fake.
(off Chloe, staring at it)
Wouldn’t pick too hard at this one,
Chloe. Not after Palmetto Street.

CHLOE
I begged for this case because of
Palmetto, Dan. I need a big win or
I’ll never get out of the penalty
box... So... any witnesses?
Genres: ["crime","drama","fantasy"]

Summary Lucifer and Delilah leave Lux, promising to do better. They are then gunned down in a drive by. Lucifer survives and confronts the shooter who tells him it was for money. Lucifer looks to his dead companion and we see him from another character's perspective for the first time. Meanwhile, police arrive to investigate, and characters begin to reveal the chaos spawned by Delilah's death.
Strengths
  • The intense shooting scene raises the stakes and accelerates the plot
  • The conflict between law enforcement and high status criminals adds intrigue to the scene
Weaknesses
  • The dialogue is somewhat heavy handed at points
  • The introduction of Chloe and Lt. Dan is not as seamless as it could be

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to the crime genre through the use of a supernatural protagonist and the exploration of philosophical concepts. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue is also strong.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal is to seek justice for Delilah's death and to potentially punish the shooter. This reflects his deeper desire to rebel against his preordained role and to determine his own moral compass.

External Goal: 9

Lucifer's external goal is to solve Delilah's murder and find the person responsible.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 10

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the concept of free will vs. predestination, which challenges Lucifer's beliefs as a fallen angel.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging due to its blend of tension, emotion, and philosophical exploration. The quick pacing also keeps the audience invested.

Pacing: 9

The fast-paced rhythm of the scene effectively heightens its tension and emotional depth.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay in its genre.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama.


Critique The scene starts off with promise, as we see a vulnerable side of Lucifer and Delilah’s relationship. However, the sudden attack feels rushed and out of place. It’s not clear why they were shot or who the shooter is.

Lucifer’s reaction to Delilah’s death feels too subdued – it’s not clear why he shows no emotional reaction to her death other than pain. Additionally, the reveal at the end with Amenadiel observing the scene feels forced and confusing.

The dialogue between Chloe and Dan feels clichéd and lacks originality. It also feels exposition-heavy, with the characters providing information rather than having a natural conversation.

Overall, the scene could benefit from tighter pacing, clearer character motivations, and more nuanced dialogue. The sudden violence and lack of emotional reaction to it also need to be addressed.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the characters more: While the dialogue is solid, the characters could be developed further to give the audience a clearer understanding of who they are and why they are important. Adding in some backstory could help make them more interesting and relatable to the audience.

2. Increase the tension: While the scene is already intense, there could be ways to make it even more suspenseful. Perhaps there could be more build-up to the shooting, or more of a sense of danger when Lucifer confronts the shooter.

3. Explore the supernatural element more: The fact that Lucifer survived being shot is a major plot point, but it could be explored more in this scene. Adding in some more details about why he is immune to mortal harm could make the scene more intriguing and mysterious.

4. Add some visual flair: While the scene is well-written, it could benefit from some more interesting visual elements. Perhaps there could be some more creative camera angles or lighting choices that would make the scene more visually compelling.



Scene 6 - Lucifer and Chloe
11 INT. LUX - NIGHT 11

...where Chloe is now questioning Lucifer. Lucifer’s
distracted. His swirling emotions over Delilah’s death are
disorienting him. Maze hovers nearby.

CHLOE
Lucifer Morningstar...? Is that
like, a stage name or something?

LUCIFER
God-given, I’m afraid.
(studies her)
You look familiar. Have we met?

CHLOE
(uh-oh, but remains casual)
Five minutes ago. And I’m asking
the questions... Talk to me about
your relationship with the victim. *

LUCIFER
She used to work here. A few years
back. I would occasionally
accompany her while she sang. Then
she became a big star and someone
decided to end her life.

CHLOE
Did you know the shooter?

LUCIFER
No. But we did have a nice little
chat before he kicked off. I asked *
him why he did it.

CHLOE
I see. Like to play cop, do you?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 14.
11 CONTINUED: 11

LUCIFER
I like to play in general. What
about you, Detective? *

Chloe’s almost amused -- got a real live one here. *

CHLOE
So you spoke to a dead guy?

LUCIFER
He wasn’t quite dead. His soul was
still crossing the threshold. *

CHLOE
(indulges him) *
Okay then... why’d he do it? *

LUCIFER
Money, of course. You humans love
your money.

CHLOE
Yes. Yes, we do. And what planet
are you from? London?

LUCIFER
(smiles, cute)
He also said... “I just pulled the
trigger.” Interesting, no?

Chloe takes that in. She’s heard enough. Shuts it down.

CHLOE
Delilah was shot to death by a drug
dealer. And looks like Delilah
herself kept the guy pretty busy.
It’s sad. It’s ugly. But it’s not
rocket science. Something obviously *
went south between them, she gets
riddled with bullets, and a nice
little act of God takes him out.

LUCIFER *
It doesn’t work like that!
(then realizing)
It’s quite a neatly wrapped present
for the LAPD, don’t you think?

CHLOE
Okay. How does she end up dying in *
a hailstorm of bullets and you get
away without a scratch? That’s *
suspicious, don’t you think? *


(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 15.
11 CONTINUED: (2) 11

LUCIFER
The benefits of immortality.

CHLOE
Immortality... of course.
(writing it down)
Do you spell that with one m or
two, I always forget.

LUCIFER
What will your corrupt little
organization do about this?

CHLOE
Excuse me?

LUCIFER
Will you find the one responsible?
Will he be punished? Will this be a
priority for you?

Chloe studies him. Not sure if he’s a prick... a lunatic or *
something more... *

CHLOE
You’ve got some balls on you, pal.

LUCIFER
Thank you, but they’re really quite
average.
(studies her)
Are you sure we haven’t met? I
could swear I’ve seen you naked.
Did we have sex?

Nope. Just a prick. *

CHLOE
What? Go to hell.

LUCIFER
No thank you. Much more fun here.
(as she gets up to leave)
Wait. Detective. We’re not finished.

CHLOE
Yeah. We are.

And she’s out. OFF LUCIFER, frustrated.


END OF ACT ONE
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 16.


ACT TWO
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Mystery"]

Summary Lucifer is questioned by Chloe about his relationship with the victim and the shooting. They clash over the investigation as Lucifer struggles with his emotions.
Strengths
  • Tension between Lucifer and Chloe
  • Lucifer's internal struggle
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue feels forced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 7

This scene is moderately original, as it offers a fresh take on the standard police procedural genre by introducing supernatural elements and exploring philosophical themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is enhanced by the unique premise of the show.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal in this scene is to process his swirling emotions over Delilah's death, which are disorienting him. This goal reflects his deeper need to confront his own identity and purpose as the Devil, and his fear that he may be responsible for Delilah's death.

External Goal: 8

Lucifer's external goal in this scene is to deflect suspicion away from himself and towards the actual shooter. This goal reflects the immediate circumstance or challenge he is facing, which is the LAPD's investigation into Delilah's murder.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Lucifer's worldview, which asserts that humans are driven solely by their own selfish desires, and Chloe's worldview, which asserts that humans are capable of acting selflessly and pursuing justice. This conflict challenges Lucifer's beliefs about human nature and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter between the characters and the tension between their contrasting worldviews. The supernatural elements also add a layer of intrigue to the investigation into Delilah's murder.

Pacing: 10

The pacing of the scene is effective because it alternates between tense moments of confrontation and lighter moments of humor and banter, keeping the audience engaged and interested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of this scene follows the standard industry format for a screenplay.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected structure for its genre of police procedural drama.


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is well-written and engaging. It reveals important information about the characters and the plot in a natural and entertaining way. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the characters are well-defined. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, the scene could benefit from some more visual description. As it stands, the scene mostly consists of dialogue between the characters. Although the dialogue is well-written, it would be more engaging if it were interspersed with more action and description.

Second, some of the character motivations could be clearer. For example, it's not entirely clear why Lucifer is so distracted and disoriented over Delilah's death. It would help to have more information about their relationship and how he feels about her.

Finally, the scene could use some more tension and conflict. Although there is some back-and-forth banter between Chloe and Lucifer, there isn't much at stake in this scene. It would help to raise the stakes and make the audience feel more invested in the outcome.

Overall, however, this is a strong scene that effectively sets up the central conflict and establishes the characters' personalities and motivations. With a few tweaks, it could be even better.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. More emotional depth: The scene could benefit from more emotional depth to showcase the impact of Delilah’s death on Lucifer. Perhaps he could show signs of grief or remorse, which would make him a more relatable character.

2. Create more tension: The scene could use some more tension to make it more engaging. Maybe there could be a moment where Chloe questions Lucifer’s involvement in the crime, leading to a heated exchange.

3. Develop the characters further: The scene could spend some more time developing Chloe and Lucifer’s characters. This could involve revealing more about their past or personal lives, allowing the audience to connect more with them.

4. Use visual storytelling: The scene could benefit from some visual storytelling to provide more context for the audience. For example, there could be a flashback to Delilah performing at Lux to help the audience understand her connection to Lucifer.

5. Create a stronger hook: The scene could be improved by creating a stronger hook to draw the audience in. This could be achieved by starting the scene with a dramatic moment, or by ending on a cliffhanger that makes the audience want to keep watching.



Scene 7 - Breaking Mirrors
12 INT. LUX - LATER THAT NIGHT 12

Lucifer plays piano, fingers flying, an intense version of
Bowie’s “Lady Stardust.” Suddenly he SMASHES the keys in a
burst of atonal fury, his gaze fixed on something ahead...
It's his reflection in the mirrored fireplace. That
disturbing face again. We catch just a hint of it before --

He gets up and HURLS a lamp at the mirror, SMASHING it to *
pieces. Maze enters. Surveys the damage. Says nothing. Which
only serves to infuriate Lucifer even more.

Throughout this scene, the hint of Lucifer's “darker side”
will be reflected in the shattered mirror behind Maze. We
will never fully see it. But it's enough to make us uneasy.

LUCIFER
Out with it, Maze!

MAZE
I’m curious.

LUCIFER
About?

MAZE
Why this upsets you so much.

LUCIFER
There is someone out there that
deserves punishment. And it’s not.
Going. To. Happen.

MAZE
Who cares? Mortals die every day.

LUCIFER
Yes, insignificant ones! Human
nothings who never add anything to
this world. They only take and
consume and die cowardly pathetic
deaths. But this was different! She
was different.

Maze studies him, a mix of concern, disdain and astonishment.

MAZE
You care about her...

LUCIFER
Please. I care about punishing the
coward responsible.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 17.
12 CONTINUED: 12

MAZE
Who are you right now?

Lucifer steps in closer -- as does his reflection in the
shattered mirror behind her.

LUCIFER
I don’t mind the occasional
smartass remarks, Maze. They can be
amusing, but don’t disrespect me.

But instead of retreating, Maze steps closer too... slides
her hands around Lucifer’s neck seductively.

MAZE
The opposite is true. You’re the
Prince of frickin’ Darkness. It’s
all well and good to take a
vacation, have fun in paradise with
the low-hanging fruit. But you're
losing sight of who you actually
are, Lucifer. You exist to punish
and torture for a universal reason.
Certainly not for a petty human
emotion such as love.

Lucifer cracks a smile, playing it off now with sarcasm.

LUCIFER
I am not human. Take that back.
(sighs, playing it off)
The world was robbed of a great
talent. That makes me angry. Makes
me want to punish someone. In very
unholy ways. That’s all.

Maze smiles, leans in... her lips inches from his.

MAZE
Does that mean we’re going home?

He’s silent. Her smile fades but she kisses him sensually on
the cheek and slinks off. ON LUCIFER, Maze’s words echoing...

13 EXT. MALIBU COASTLINE - DAY (DAY 2) 13 *

Gliding over the beautiful Oceanside, we pick up Lucifer’s
car as it speeds down the ribbon of highway that is the PCH.
Genres: ["drama","fantasy"]

Summary Lucifer confronts his darker side with Maze at Lux, revealing his desire for revenge over the death of Delilah. Maze tries to remind him of who he really is, but their conversation ends with an unspoken question about their next move. Meanwhile, Lucifer speeds down the Malibu coastline in his car.
Strengths "The scene showcases the internal struggle of Lucifer and his growing sense of identity, as well as the tension between family loyalty and personal desires. The pacing is brisk and the dialogue is sharp."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels a bit melodramatic, and some of the character motivations are not fully explored."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the traditional portrayal of the devil as an evil and malevolent figure, emphasizing his internal conflict and human emotions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 9

Lucifer's internal goal in the scene is to avenge the death of someone important to him, indicating a deeper need for justice and retribution.

External Goal: 8

Lucifer's external goal is to punish the person responsible for the death of the person he cares about.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Lucifer's desire to seek justice and his human emotions, particularly love for a mortal. This conflict challenges his values and beliefs as the Prince of Darkness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging due to the strong character dynamics and intense emotional conflict, as well as the use of vivid descriptive language.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively through the use of vivid descriptions and sharp dialogue, leading to a satisfying payoff with the reveal of Maze's departure.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene adheres to expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character objectives and conflicts that propel the narrative forward.


Critique Overall, this scene is effective in establishing Lucifer's character and his relationships with Maze and his own emotions. The use of music and symbolism, such as the shattered mirror reflecting his dark side, adds depth to the scene. The dialogue is well-written and reveals important information about Lucifer's motivations and beliefs. The only potential critique is that some of the exposition about his feelings towards humans and the person he wants to punish feels a bit heavy-handed, but this can easily be adjusted in the editing process. Overall, well done.
Suggestions While the scene has plenty of emotion and tension, there are a few ways to improve it:

1. Action lines: The action lines should be tightened up and written with more precision. For example, instead of "Maze enters", consider "Maze enters the room, her eyes scanning the shattered mirror and the broken lamp on the ground."

2. Dialogue: Lucifer's dialogue could use some work. Some of his lines come across as wooden, especially when he is trying to downplay his emotions. Try to inject more personality and humor into his lines.

3. Lucifer's character arc: This scene could benefit from a clearer sense of Lucifer's character arc. The scene shows him struggling between his desire for justice and his growing emotional attachment to the victim. We need to see more of his inner conflict, how he struggles between wanting to punish someone and his emotional attachment to the victim.

4. Use of setting: The shattered mirror behind Maze is a great touch, but it could be used more effectively. For example, you could have Lucifer glance over his shoulder at it as he talks, showing how his dark side is reflected in the broken fragments.

5. Maze's character: Maze is an interesting character, but we need to see her motivations more clearly. Why is she so curious about Lucifer's emotions? What is her relationship to him beyond being his assistant? Fleshing out her character more would make her interactions with Lucifer more compelling.

In summary, while the scene has some good elements, it needs stronger dialogue, better-defined characters, and clearer character arcs to be truly compelling.



Scene 8 - Wedding Crasher
14 EXT. MALIBU - WEDDING SITE - DAY 14

Wedding in progress. A short, sweaty music mogul named JIMMY
BARNES is about to wed a stunning, statuesque SUPERMODEL
BRIDE.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 18.
14 CONTINUED: 14

Surrounded by FAMILY and FRENEMIES, it’s a whole big ta-do.
The PRIEST has just arrived at the part where he says:

PRIEST
Speak now or forever hold your
peace...

A VOICE BOOMS:

LUCIFER
Excuse me!

And Lucifer comes strolling down the aisle...

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
I have a problem. Has anyone else
noticed how incredibly, jaw-
droppingly, loin-stirringly
beautiful this young woman is? And
how short, sweaty and altogether
fugly this homunculus is? What is
this? A wedding or a kidnapping?

Reactions from the GUESTS as Lucifer arrives at the altar.
The Priest crosses himself, starts mumbling some prayers.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
(chuckles)
Good luck with that, padre. While
you’re at it, tell him I say hey --
it’s been awhile.

He turns his attention to the groom, who’s sweating yet
desperately clinging to some semblance of cool.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Jimmy Barnes! Do you remember me?

JIMMY BARNES
Hey, man, this is a private event.
How’d you get in here?

LUCIFER
Yes, and quite a lavish, be it
tacky one for a record producer on
the outs.

Jimmy looks around for help, but no one’s stepping up.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Do you remember me?




(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 19.
14 CONTINUED: (2) 14

JIMMY BARNES
(hushed)
Of course I remember you! What do
you want?! I’m a little busy!

LUCIFER
I can’t believe you’re getting
married the day after your ex-lover
and once brightest star is murdered
in cold blood.

JIMMY BARNES
Yeah, it’s sad, but Delilah ruined
my wedding once before. I wasn’t
about to let her do it again.

LUCIFER
(locks eyes with him)
Yes. It’s hard to be rejected,
isn’t it Jimmy? Twice.

JIMMY BARNES
What?!

LUCIFER
She said you tried to get her back
recently. I’d kill someone if they
denied me once... not that that’s
possible. Come on, tell me, Jim-bo,
did you want her dead? You know I
love a juicy story.

Jimmy averts his eyes.

JIMMY BARNES
I’m not playing that mind game with
you. Of course not! I was furious
and humiliated when she dumped me,
but I think I rebounded pretty well.

He gestures at his beautiful BRIDE-TO-BE. Lucifer gives her
an appreciative glance.

LUCIFER
Clearly. Respect.

JIMMY BARNES
You should go play your games with
2Vile.

LUCIFER
The rapper?



(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 20.
14 CONTINUED: (3) 14

JIMMY BARNES
Yeah, Delilah dumped me for that
lunatic. They were always fighting.
I think he slapped her around a
bunch. He’s the real deal, man, and
he’s surrounded by a bunch of gun-
toting morons 24-7.

The information satisfies Lucifer, but his thirst for
taunting not quite met... Turns his attention to the bride.

LUCIFER
I’m sorry, how rude of me. Allow me *
to introduce myself...

He extends a hand. She takes it, oddly charmed. Stares at him
for a beat, feels a sudden, overwhelming urge to confess her
inner desires... or lack there of...

SUPERMODEL BRIDE
I really don’t want to have sex
with him tonight.
(to Jimmy)
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that!

Jimmy is dumbstruck. So is she.

LUCIFER
Of course you don’t! Let’s be
honest here. You’re not marrying
this human stain because you’re
actually in love with him, right?

SUPERMODEL BRIDE
No, I guess it’s more about
lifestyle.

LUCIFER
Good luck with that. He’s broke.
(she starts to cry)
Dry your tears, darling. At least
you’ll have this magical day.
(then)
Well, I should be going. Best of
luck to you crazy kids.

Lucifer turns and walks off down the aisle... a figurative
mushroom cloud in his wake.
Genres: ["drama","comedy"]

Summary Lucifer crashes a wedding and confronts the groom about the murder of his ex-lover. He also taunts the bride and exposes her lack of love for her husband-to-be.
Strengths "The witty dialogue and character conflict make this scene engaging."
Weaknesses "The scene is dialogue-heavy and may be difficult to follow for viewers who are not paying close attention."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high, as the writer takes a fresh and original approach to the premise of the devil on earth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to this originality, giving them distinctive voices and motivations. The unique situations and conflicts presented in the scene contribute to its overall freshness and originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal is to vent his frustration and superiority complex by taunting Jimmy Barnes and his bride-to-be. This reflects his deeper desire to be recognized and admired for his charm and wit.

External Goal: 9

Lucifer's external goal is to accuse Jimmy Barnes of murdering his ex-lover and former star, Delilah. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding the truth behind her death.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Lucifer's belief in personal freedom and his responsibility to use his power wisely. This conflict challenges his worldview as the devil and sets the stage for his character arc.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced dialogue and high stakes of the situation. The tension between Lucifer and Jimmy Barnes adds to the suspense, while the humor and satire lighten the mood and make the characters more relatable.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene is effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation, while also allowing for moments of humor and reflection. The rhythmic flow of dialogue and action keeps the reader engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of settings and actions, as well as consistent use of dialogue headings and transitions.

Structure: 10

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action and dialogue headings and a coherent sequence of events and character interactions.


Critique The scene is well-written and engaging, with interesting characters and a clear conflict. However, it may be seen as controversial due to the use of derogatory language to describe one of the characters. The dialogue is sharp and witty, but some of it feels forced and may not be entirely believable. The conflict between Lucifer and Jimmy Barnes is intriguing and sets up a potential storyline for the rest of the pilot. Overall, it is a strong opening scene that establishes the tone and style of the show.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to make Lucifer's entrance more dramatic and unexpected. Perhaps he could arrive in some spectacular and supernatural way that leaves the guests stunned before he makes his grand entrance down the aisle. Additionally, it could be interesting to give more backstory or context to Jimmy Barnes and Delilah's relationship before her murder, to heighten the tension and suspicion around his possible involvement. Finally, the dialogue between Lucifer and the bride could be more nuanced and layered, exploring her motivations for marrying Jimmy beyond just a desire for a certain lifestyle. This would make her confession to Lucifer more impactful and revealing of her character.



Scene 9 - The Narcotics Deal
15 EXT. 2VILE’S PLACE - HOLLYWOOD HILLS - DAY 15

Lucifer cruises up the drive of a pimped-out palace that
could easily have its own very special episode of MTV Cribs.


(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 21.
15 CONTINUED: 15

Lucifer exits his car, rings the bell. A massive GONG sounds.
Door’s opened by a WHITE ENGLISH BUTLER.

BUTLER
Good afternoon, sir.

LUCIFER
I’m here to see the man sadly known
as 2Vile. Is he in?

BUTLER
I’m sorry, sir. He’s unavailable.
I’m afraid he’s in mourning.

LUCIFER
I have narcotics for him.

A moment.

BUTLER
Right this way, sir.
Genres: ["drama","crime"]

Summary Lucifer visits a lavish estate to meet with a drug dealer known as 2Vile.
Strengths "The scene has a clear purpose and moves the plot forward effectively. There is a palpable sense of tension as Lucifer negotiates with the butler, and the setting is visually striking."
Weaknesses "There is little character development in the scene, and the dialogue is somewhat predictable."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 7

The setting and characters are fairly typical of their genre, but the dialogue and protagonist's behavior feel fresh and original. The authenticity of the butler's mannerisms and speech add to the realism of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal in this scene seems to be to locate 2Vile and possibly to seek some sort of retribution or justice. This reflects his deeper need for control and a desire to manipulate others to serve his own ego.

External Goal: 9

Lucifer's external goal in this scene is to gain access to 2Vile and deliver narcotics to him. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces of convincing the butler to let him in despite 2Vile's mourning.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is not a clear philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 8

The snappy dialogue and luxurious setting draw the reader in and create a sense of excitement and intrigue.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and energetic, moving the story along quickly and establishing a sense of urgency and danger.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting is clear and precise, following industry standards for script formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, presenting a clear objective for the protagonist and establishing the initial conflict quickly.


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot offer personal opinions, but I can analyze the scene structure and offer possible suggestions according to industry standards.

The scene sets up a lavish location and introduces the character of Lucifer along with a white English Butler. The exchange between Lucifer and the butler creates tension and ultimately leads to an intriguing suggestion of Lucifer's character and intentions.

The scene is well written with clear and concise action lines. However, the dialogue is quite simple and straightforward, lacking complexity and subtext, which could enhance the character's personalities and create deeper emotional investment from the audience. It’s also essential to note that the use of narcotics is a sensitive subject that might require a more nuanced approach to keep from glorifying drug use.

In terms of visual storytelling, the scene offers strong imagery and a clear sense of the location and characters' world. However, it may benefit from adding more sensory details to help set the mood and tone of the scene.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from improvements to the dialogue and emotional depth.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI language model, I have no personal opinion or creative suggestions. However, here are some general insights that could improve the scene:

- Try to add more depth and nuance to Lucifer's character. What are his motivations for doing what he's doing? Is he conflicted about his actions, or does he enjoy them? This would make the scene more interesting and engaging for the audience.

- Consider adding a few visual details to help establish the setting and atmosphere of 2Vile's place. Instead of just describing it as a "pimped-out palace," add some features that make it stand out, such as sculptures, a fountain, or a Rolls Royce parked out front.

- Find a way to make the exchange between Lucifer and the butler more dynamic. As it stands, the dialogue is very straightforward and lacks tension. Adding some subtle power dynamics or conflict between the two characters would make the scene more memorable.

- Be careful with the use of drugs in the scene. Depending on the tone and genre of the film, it could come off as glorifying or promoting drug use. If that's not the message you're trying to convey, consider toning down or removing that element altogether.



Scene 10 - Lucifer Confronts 2Vile
16 INT. 2VILE’S PLACE - DAY - MOMENTS LATER 16

Lucifer follows the Butler into the den. Furniture from MOMA.
Killer city views. The ultimate in tacky Hollywood living.

2VILE’S CREW’s scattered all over the place. Hip-hop
thumping. There’s tons of weed, weapons -- it’s a real scene.
An immensely expensive PLASMA TV in the background plays NEWS
on Delilah’s death. The hot headline.

LUCIFER
Can someone please turn down this
godawful music?!

Tattooed hip-hop thug 2VILE appears through a thick haze of
POT SMOKE.

2VILE
Who’s this clown?

BUTLER
He has narcotics for you, sir.

LUCIFER
My name is Lucifer Morningstar.

2VILE
Lucifer Morningstar... that’s a
good hip-hop name.

LUCIFER
That offends me.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 22.
16 CONTINUED: 16

2VILE
What, you don’t like hip-hop?

LUCIFER
No, I most certainly do not.

2VILE
That offends me. You have a problem
with black people?

LUCIFER
Not in the slightest. I just hate
your music. And when I say “your
music,” I mean your music -- not
music made by other black people.
Without the blues, there would be no
devil’s music whatsoever. There are,
of course, many giants in the field.
Just not you. Am I being clear?

2VILE
You’re being clear all right -- if
you’re looking to get yourself
killed.

LUCIFER
Don’t waste your munitions. I’m
immortal. Tell me about Delilah.

2VILE
What’s to tell? She’s dead. *

That ignites Lucifer. He violently SHOVES 2VILE, sending him
SHATTERING THROUGH A GLASS DOOR, toppling over the balcony to
certain death just as Lucifer grabs him by his blinged-out
chains. Suspending him high above the hillside.

2VILE'S CREW react. One FIRES on impulse, bullet PINGING off
the balcony.

2VILE (CONT’D)
DON’T SHOOT HIM, YOU IDIOT!

Crew freezes. Nothing they can do. If Lucifer goes down.
2Vile goes down further. 2Vile looks up at the face of death.

2VILE (CONT’D)
I didn't kill her!

LUCIFER
Why should I believe you?

2VILE
Because I loved the bitch!

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 23.
16 CONTINUED: (2) 16

LUCIFER
People sometimes kill people with
whom they’re in love. The heart is
mysterious. Or so I’m told.

2VILE
Girl made me crazy!

LUCIFER
(drops him a bit more)
Women can do that. Doesn’t mean you
should beat them up.

2VILE
Hey, hey! Come on, we worked that
out a long time ago. I hit her ONCE
‘cause she was cheating on me!

And there it is... another piece to the puzzle. Lucifer lifts
2Vile back onto the balcony. He's a mess.

LUCIFER
With whom?

2VILE
I don’t know! She wouldn’t tell me!
Said it was a big secret. Some rich
married guy.

LUCIFER
Did she have a friend she might’ve
confided in?

2VILE
Didn’t trust no one. Her therapist *
is probably the only one who knows.
Some Dr. Linda in Beverly Hills. *
Saw her like five times a week on *
the dl. Used a fake name and *
everything. *

LUCIFER
Thank you for your time.

2Vile just stares at Lucifer. Confused. Lost. Then...

2VILE
Man, sometimes I get tired of *
frontin’, ya know. I really just *
wanted to put a ring on that finger
and a baby up in there. She was the
one. And now she’s dead.

2Vile breaks down in tears. His CREW IS HORRIFIED.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 24.
16 CONTINUED: (3) 16

LUCIFER
I like this side of you. You might
consider putting this kind of
emotion into your music. And change
your name. What does your mother
call you?

2VILE
Percy. Percy Wallace.

LUCIFER
(pause)
Never mind. Good luck with what’s
left of your short-lived career.

Lucifer starts to make his exit. But someone else is making
an entrance...

CHLOE (O.S.)
Guns down! On the floor! Down! *

Lucifer turns to see Chloe coming through the door with an
ashamed butler in tow. Her gun out. Crew lays their guns on *
the floor. Lucifer grins. Amused... and curious... *

LUCIFER
You sly dog. You did listen to me.

CHLOE
Ran the dead guy’s cellphone.
2Vile was the last person he
called.

2VILE
Oh, come on, man!

CHLOE
(to Lucifer)
What I find highly interesting is
how you made the connection on your
own.

LUCIFER
Well, I’ve been busy, my dear.

She clocks that... but first things first. She kicks the guns *
clear, confiscates them then turns to 2Vile.

CHLOE
Talk to me about Delilah--

LUCIFER
Yes, yes. We’ve been over that one,
Detective. *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 25.
16 CONTINUED: (4) 16

She throws a shut-the-fuck-up look to Lucifer, plows on...

CHLOE
--And why you called the shooter
two days before she was murdered.

2VILE
Fine. Yeh, I called Eddie ‘cause he *
hooks me up sometimes. He met
Delilah through me. When we were
together. Whatever. Don’t make me a
killer, do it? *

CHLOE
No. But it does make you a suspect. *

2VILE
(scoffs)
What? So, everyone on Eddie's
phone’s a suspect? You joking?! *
Welcome to Celebrity Name Game. You
gonna drag half a’ Hollywood
downtown? Be like the Oscars.

Point noted, but Chloe reaches for her cuffs... Meanwhile, *
the “celebrity” comment has triggered ONE OF 2VILE'S CREW to
suddenly recognize Chloe... and completely break the
moment...

CREW 1
Wait. Aren’t you that chick from
that film?

LUCIFER
(perks up)
What’s this? What film?

CREW 1
You used to be an actress or
something, right? That teen
movie... I forget what it’s
called...

Chloe tries to hide it, but she’s literally dying right now.
And Lucifer sees it.

LUCIFER
Of course! Hot Tub High School!
That’s where I know you from!

CHLOE
(dodging, back to 2Vile)
Let’s stick to my questions, shall
we?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 26.
16 CONTINUED: (5) 16

LUCIFER
The one with that famous nude
scene! Coming out of the hot tub.
It was a complete Fast Times rip-
off, but you were like, the new *
Phoebe Cates. That was quite a nude
scene--

CHLOE
(gun in hand)
I’ve got way too many bullets in
here for you to still be talking.

She swaps her gun for handcuffs, turns back to 2Vile...

CHLOE (CONT’D)
Come on. You’re under arrest.

LUCIFER
That’s a waste of time, Detective.
I’ve just threatened his life, he’s
not our guy -- he would’ve said.
Trust me.

CHLOE
You did what?

2VILE
Yeah, isn’t that illegal?

CHLOE
Uh, little bit, yes. Okay then, *
you. Come with me.

Chloe slaps the cuffs on Lucifer instead.

LUCIFER
Ooh. With pleasure.

A smug smile doesn’t leave his lips as Chloe yanks him out. *
Genres: ["crime","drama"]

Summary Lucifer visits a drug dealer named 2Vile to gather information about Delilah's death. He confronts 2Vile, who reveals that he called the shooter two days before her death and introduces Chloe to the crew. Lucifer violently shoves 2Vile, holding him over a balcony, and finds out from him that Delilah's lover was a rich married man. Chloe arrests 2Vile, but Lucifer believes he's not the killer.
Strengths
  • Intense and suspenseful action
  • Interesting character development for Lucifer and 2Vile
  • Well-written dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Chloe's character arc is not strongly developed in this scene
  • The comedic moment takes away from the tension of the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 6

This scene shows a moderate level of originality. While the overall setup of a protagonist interrogating a thug for information is familiar, the dialogue and character interactions bring a fresh and entertaining approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find out more about Delilah's death and gather any information or clues that can help him solve the case. This reflects his deeper need for justice, his desire for answers, and his fear that he may not be able to uncover the truth.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to intimidate and extract information from 2Vile, the tattooed hip-hop thug. This reflects the immediate challenge of getting information about Delilah's death and finding potential leads to follow.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Lucifer's disdain for hip-hop music and 2Vile's offense at his comments. This challenge relates to Lucifer's beliefs and values as the embodiment of the devil, contrasting with 2Vile's artistic expression and personal taste in music.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, sharp characterization, and the tension created by Lucifer's interrogation of 2Vile. The back-and-forth banter keeps the audience entertained and invested in the scene's outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and flow. The dialogue and action are well-paced, creating tension and keeping the audience engaged. The scene progresses at a suitable pace without feeling rushed or dragging.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene heading, description, and dialogue are properly formatted. The scene is easy to read and understand, with clear separation between action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses the plot through dialogue and action. The pacing and flow of the scene are effective in keeping the audience engaged.


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. It sets up the conflict between Lucifer and 2Vile, establishes the detective's presence, and provides information about the murder case. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more visual description to enhance the atmosphere. While the furniture is described as being from MOMA and there are hip-hop beats playing, there is little detail given about the surroundings. This could be improved with more specific imagery, such as the smell of marijuana in the air or the way the city views look from the den's windows.

Additionally, the dialogue feels slightly contrived in places, particularly with Lucifer's references to music and his interactions with 2Vile. Some of the lines, such as "Without the blues, there would be no devil's music whatsoever," feel overly scripted and may take the audience out of the moment.

Finally, while Lucifer's character is clear and well-defined, Chloe's character feels somewhat underdeveloped in this scene. She is introduced as a detective investigating a murder, but there is little else given about her personality or motivations. Providing more depth to her character could help heighten the tension between her and Lucifer.

Overall, this scene has strong potential but could benefit from more detailed visual description, more naturalistic dialogue, and more fleshed-out characters.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the setting and introduce the characters: Instead of having the characters enter the scene without an introduction, give some context for why they are there. Introduce 2VILE, his crew, and Lucifer to orient the audience.

2. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the dialogue feels forced or unrealistic, such as when Lucifer goes on a tangent about the blues. Try to make the dialogue flow more naturally, while still conveying the necessary information.

3. Add more description: Use more sensory details to bring the scene to life for the audience. Give more description of the den, the furniture, and the view outside. This will also help to set the tone and mood of the scene.

4. Simplify the action: The action in the scene is somewhat confusing and hard to follow. Simplify the action so that it is clear what is happening and who is doing what.

5. Develop the characters more: The characters in the scene feel somewhat one-dimensional. Develop 2VILE and his crew more so that they are more than just generic hip-hop thugs. Likewise, give Lucifer more depth so that he is more than just a snarky, immortal being.



Scene 11 - The Interrogation
17 EXT. 2VILE’S PLACE - MINUTES LATER - DAY 17

Chloe leads Lucifer out in cuffs... opens the back car door.

LUCIFER
At least perhaps now you’ll listen *
to me. Although not sure I *
understand why I’m being arrested. *

CHLOE
Because you’re interfering with a
police investigation.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 27.
17 CONTINUED: 17
CHLOE (CONT'D)
You’ve broken, I can’t even count
how many laws. And you piss me off.

LUCIFER
I can get out of these, you know.

CHLOE
Funny.

Lucifer does some Houdini-esque wriggling behind his back and
hands her the cuffs. Chloe examines the cuffs, confused. *

CHLOE (CONT’D) *
How’d you do that? You a magician *
or something? *

LUCIFER
You’re still wasting time. We
should be out there solving a
homicide and punishing those
responsible!

CHLOE
We? Are you insane? Get in the car.
I’m taking you in.

LUCIFER
But that’s boring! Not to mention *
pointless. Come on, I’ll help you,
it’ll be fun!

CHLOE
How could you possibly help me?

LUCIFER
You’d be surprised. I have a
certain skill set. I can be very
persuasive with people. Tend to see
things others cannot. *

CHLOE
So you're a psychic? *

LUCIFER
No. I can’t read people’s minds --
I’m not a Jedi. People tell me
things.

CHLOE
Really? Just... confess their sins?
Just like that?




(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 28.
17 CONTINUED: (2) 17

LUCIFER
No, not their sins. I have no power
over people’s sins. I actually get
a bad rap for that. But their *
desires, different thing entirely.
(off her skeptical look)
I have the ability to draw out
people’s forbidden desires. Tempt
them. Taunt them. The more simple
the human, the easier it is. The
more complex? The more challenging -
- and exciting, really. But your
actual sins? The sins are on you
people.

CHLOE
(sarcastically indulging) *
I get it. The name. The whole
Lucifer thing... and desire’s like,
your super power.

LUCIFER
More like a gift from God.
(off Chloe’s deadpan look)
Look, I’m just a people person.
They feel compelled to share things
with me. And why wouldn’t they,
really? I’m pretty awesome.

CHLOE
Yeah? Prove it.

LUCIFER
That I’m awesome? Isn’t it obvious?
(fine, looks deeply at her)
Tell me, Detective. What do you
desire more than anything in this
life?

Chloe sighs. But then her eyes suddenly lock with his and she
is mesmerized...

CHLOE
I guess, when I was a little girl,
I always wanted to be a cop like my
daddy, so that one day, I could
help people...
(dropping an act)
...and make them shut up and get in
the damn car!

Ouch. Lucifer blinks. He’s been played. His powers useless on
her. She motions for him to get in. Lucifer studies her.
Both disturbed and fascinated by her.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 29.
17 CONTINUED: (3) 17

LUCIFER
You’re not like a Jedi or
something, are you?

CHLOE *
Get in. The car. *

LUCIFER *
Wait. I know something you don’t *
know. *

CHLOE *
Yeah? What’s that? *

LUCIFER *
Won’t say. Unless you take me with *
you on this. Please? Come on, I got *
to 2VILE, didn’t I? *

CHLOE *
You’re unbelievable. *
(squints at him) *
Huh. You don’t strike me as a *
celebrity stalker. You aren’t *
related to her. You weren’t *
sleeping with her, were you--? *

LUCIFER *
Surprisingly, no. *

CHLOE *
Then why do you care about this so *
much? About Delilah? *

LUCIFER *
(rattled/tries to hide it) *
I... just do. *

CHLOE *
(this is a new side...) *
Fine. But if your little clue *
doesn’t pan out-- *
(holds up the cuffs) *
I’m puttin’ these back on, and *
they’re gonna stay on. *

Lucifer cracks a smile, nods. She gets in the car and he *
follows. BOTH OF THEM growing more and more intrigued with *
the other... *


END OF ACT TWO *
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 30.


ACT THREE
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary Lucifer is arrested by Chloe but tries to convince her to let him help in the investigation. He reveals his unique ability to get people to confess their desires. Chloe is skeptical but intrigued.
Strengths
  • The dynamic between Lucifer and Chloe is engaging and full of tension.
  • Lucifer's unique ability adds an intriguing layer to the investigation.
Weaknesses
  • The scene could have benefited from more action or movement.

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 6

While the scene does not have any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue make it feel original and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to establish himself as an interesting and persuasive person to the police officer, as well as to maintain his own freedom.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to help the police officer solve a homicide, as well as to avoid being arrested.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

A philosophical conflict is not evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the clever dialogue and actions of the protagonist, as well as the dynamic between him and the police officer.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in establishing the characters and their dynamic, as well as setting up the story's premise for further exploration.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and proper dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and actions that progress the story.


Critique Overall, this scene sets up the dynamic between Chloe and Lucifer well, showcasing their personalities and their initial conflict. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, there are a few instances where the dialogue feels a bit forced, particularly when they're discussing Lucifer's abilities. For example, when Chloe asks if he's a magician or a psychic, it feels like an unnatural way to prompt him to explain his gift. Additionally, when he explains that he can draw out people's desires, it feels like an overly elaborate way to say that he's charismatic and persuasive.

Secondly, there's a missed opportunity to showcase Chloe's detective skills. When Lucifer tries to use his powers on her to find out her desires, she manages to turn it around on him and get him to reveal more about himself. It's a clever move, but it would have been even better if we saw her deduce that he was trying to use his powers on her in the first place. As it stands, it feels a bit like he just suddenly lost his power over her without much explanation.

Finally, while the banter between Chloe and Lucifer is entertaining, there's not much action or plot progression in this scene. It's mostly just establishing their relationship and giving us a sense of their personalities. It would have been nice to see some hints of the larger mystery they'll be investigating together, or at least have some more tension or conflict in this particular scene.

Overall, I think this scene sets up the characters well, but could benefit from some tighter dialogue and more engaging plot developments.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Tighten the dialogue: The conversation between Chloe and Lucifer feels a bit long-winded. Consider cutting some of the back-and-forth to make it more concise and to the point.

2. Make the conflict clearer: Why is Chloe so opposed to working with Lucifer? Is it simply because he’s a criminal or is there something more personal? Adding some backstory could deepen the character motivations and make the conflict more compelling.

3. Use more visual language: While the dialogue is important in a screenplay, it’s also crucial to use visual language to bring the scene to life. Consider adding more action and description to make the setting and character movements clearer.

4. Focus on character development: This scene is an opportunity to flesh out the relationship between Chloe and Lucifer. Consider adding some moments of vulnerability or intimacy to help the audience understand what draws them to each other, despite their differences.

5. Raise the stakes: While the scene is dialogue-heavy, it’s important to keep the tension high. Consider adding some physical action or a ticking clock to raise the stakes and make the scene more exciting.



Scene 12 - The Detective and the Devil
18 INT. CHLOE’S POLICE CAR - DRIVING - DAY 18

Lucifer’s in the backseat. Chloe drives, on the phone.

CHLOE (ON PHONE)
Yeah, therapist in Beverly Hills
with first name Linda. See if
Delilah was a client--

LUCIFER
Actually, she had a pseudonym.
Which I happen to know. Penny Lane.

CHLOE (ON PHONE)
Delilah could’ve gone by Penny
Lane... Okay, thanks.

She hangs up. A beat of silence as he stares at her,
grinning... making her uncomfortable.

CHLOE (CONT’D)
What? Don’t be so smug -- hasn’t
panned out yet.

LUCIFER
No, that’s not it... I knew I
recognized you.

CHLOE
Right. So you saw my boobs. Never heard
that one before.

LUCIFER
And your ass, don’t forget. A thing
of beauty--

CHLOE
I will pull this car over and shoot
you.

LUCIFER
I told you. I’m immortal.
(off her eye roll) *
Is the movie why you have such a
chip on your shoulder?

CHLOE
Trust me, that’s low on the list of
things I have to live down.




(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 31.
18 CONTINUED: 18

LUCIFER
Right. Attractive female cop
struggling to be taken seriously in
a man’s man’s world. That it?

CHLOE
Something like that.

LUCIFER
Who cares what the other pigs say?
You’re a kickass detective -- *
should listen to me a bit more
maybe but -- you know who you are. *

CHLOE
I know who I am. There’s just a lot
of people out there who have a
problem with it. Other cops mostly.

LUCIFER
They’re threatened. You’re clearly *
smart and have notable instincts. *
Ignore them. Trust yourself. *

This man continues to surprise her... which also annoys her. *
Her cell goes off... saved by the ring... *

CHLOE (ON PHONE)
Detective Dancer... Really? Okay, *
text it to me. Thanks. *

She hangs up. Huh.

LUCIFER
What?

CHLOE
(reluctant, but...)
Looks like what you said stands up. *
There’s a Penny Lane who sees a Dr. *
Linda Martin. Address in Beverly *
Hills. *

LUCIFER
Excellent. I’ll clear my schedule. *

Chloe shakes her head. Although, something about this madness *
makes sense. Another call interrupts, thank God.

CHLOE (ON PHONE) *
Yeah... What? You’re kidding me. Is *
she okay?... Her father was *
supposed to pick her up today... Of *
course he’s not. *
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 32.
18 CONTINUED: (2) 18
CHLOE (ON PHONE) (CONT'D)
Okay, I’ll be there as soon I can.
(hangs up, annoyed)
We have to make a pit stop.

LUCIFER
No. Absolutely not.

CHLOE
I have to get my kid from school.
She got into a fight.

LUCIFER
Can’t she get herself home?

CHLOE
She’s seven.

LUCIFER
I’m not here to help you run
errands. I’m here to help you solve
a homicide.

Chloe just hits the gas, pinning him to the back seat.

19 EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - STREET - DAY 19

Chloe pulls up in front.

CHLOE
Wait here.

LUCIFER
With pleasure. I despise children.

Chloe frowns, gets out, locks the car doors and heads into
the school. Lucifer stares at the car lock, it pops up and he
gets out to stretch, lights a cigarette when... A MILFY MOM
crosses his path and disappears into the school. Lucifer
likes what he sees. Decides to follow her in.
Genres: ["Crime","Comedy"]

Summary Lucifer and Chloe investigate Delilah's death, searching for a wealthy married man as a suspect. They clash and banter while driving. Chloe's daughter needs to be picked up from school, interrupting their investigation.
Strengths "Strong and witty dialogue, solid character development"
Weaknesses "Minimal emotional impact, weak themes"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 7

The scene presents a familiar situation of a female detective working in a male-dominated profession, but adds a fresh twist with the inclusion of a demon. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is strong, with Chloe's frustration and Lucifer's smarmy wit coming across as genuine.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 8

Chloe's internal goal is to prove herself in a male-dominated profession and navigate the challenges that come with being a single mother. Her fears are of not being taken seriously and not being able to balance her personal and professional life.

External Goal: 9

Chloe's external goal in this scene is to pick up her daughter from school and address a situation that has arisen. This reflects the immediate challenges of balancing her personal and professional life and shows her dedication to her family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene in the form of gender inequality. Lucifer challenges Chloe's belief that she needs to prove herself in a male-dominated profession and encourages her to trust herself and her abilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 8

The quick banter and tension between the two characters paired with the external and internal conflicts make for an engaging scene.

Pacing: 8

The scene's pacing creates a tense and fast-moving atmosphere that keeps the viewer engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene follows the expected formatting for this genre, with clear scene headings and concise action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a police procedural genre with a brief conversation between characters, followed by a call to action that drives the plot forward.


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I will provide a few critiques for this scene. Firstly, the dialogue between Chloe and Lucifer is entertaining, but it feels a bit too on the nose in terms of character exposition. It feels like both characters are using dialogue to talk about their personalities and experiences in a way that is a bit unnatural.

Additionally, the scene lacks a clear objective or conflict. The characters are driving and talking, but there is no clear goal in mind. When Chloe's daughter's situation is revealed, it gives the scene a bit more direction, but it still feels a bit random and disconnected from the rest of the plot.

Finally, there are some instances of sexist dialogue that may make the scene uncomfortable for some viewers. Lucifer's comments about Chloe's body and his disdain for children may feel out of place in a modern TV show.
Suggestions 1. Tone down the objectification of Chloe's body - the constant comments about her breasts and butt are inappropriate and take away from the scene. It's important to remember that female characters should be treated with the same respect as male characters.

2. Develop Lucifer's character more - he comes across as rather one-dimensional in this scene, with his only purpose being to provide annoying commentary. Giving him more depth and nuance would make him a more interesting character to watch.

3. Make the dialogue more natural - some of the lines come off as forced and unnatural, especially the exchange about Chloe's kid getting into a fight. Making the conversation flow more smoothly would make the scene more engaging.

4. Connect the scene to the rest of the story - this scene feels somewhat isolated from the larger narrative. Adding in more references to the murder investigation or other plot points would make the scene feel more integral to the film as a whole.



Scene 13 - Trixie vs. the Mean Girl
20 INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY 20

Lucifer looks around, but the Milfy Woman has disappeared.
Lucifer frowns, sits down in the lobby -- LIT CIGARETTE STILL
IN HAND -- next to a precocious little thing named BEATRICE.

TRIXIE
I don’t think you’re allowed to
smoke in here.

LUCIFER
Oh dear, what will become of me?



(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 33.
20 CONTINUED: 20

TRIXIE
My mother is a police officer. She
could arrest you.

LUCIFER
(smiles, isn’t this fun)
I think I might know your mother.
We’re working together. On a case.
Top secret.

TRIXIE
You know my mother?

LUCIFER
Unfortunately.

TRIXIE
What’s your name?

LUCIFER
Lucifer.

TRIXIE
(wide-eyed; hushed)
Like the devil?!

LUCIFER
(grins, pleased)
Exactly.

TRIXIE
My name is Beatrice. But everyone
calls me Trixie.

LUCIFER
That’s a hooker’s name.

TRIXIE
What’s a hooker?

LUCIFER
Ask your mother.
(then)
Why are you in trouble?

TRIXIE
See that girl over there?

She nods at a MEAN GIRL sitting across the way.

LUCIFER
The ugly one?



(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 34.
20 CONTINUED: (2) 20

TRIXIE
Yes! She was bullying me. She created
a fake Snapchat account and used it
to make fun of me! So I kicked her in
the no-no-touch zone!

Lucifer pauses. Trixie points to his crotch. Lucifer nods.

LUCIFER
I see. Well-played.

He gets up, walks over to MEAN GIRL and sits beside her.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Hello, Mean Girl. Did you know that
you will never amount to anything
in this life, and that there’s a
special section of Hell reserved
for bullies. So, have fun!

Lucifer's eyes peel open, revealing a flash of horrid ones
beneath. Mean Girl bursts into tears. And as she does, she
suddenly slows. In fact everything around her slows...

Lucifer’s grin fades. We now know what this means. Amenadiel
is near. Lucifer stands, looks down to the far end of the
hallway. Children pass in SURREAL MOTION, a shadow looming
beyond them, when suddenly...

A distorted voice calls out to Lucifer from behind. He turns.
IT'S CHLOE.

CHLOE
Hello?! What'd you do?

Everything has slipped back to NORMAL SPEED. The kids in the
hall, Trixie and crying Mean Girl. Lucifer recovers quickly.

LUCIFER
I think someone’s feeling a little
guilty. Isn’t that right, child?

More tears from Meanie. A smile from Trixie. Off Chloe: WTF? *
Genres: ["drama","fantasy"]

Summary Lucifer meets Trixie, Chloe's daughter, at her school and helps her deal with a bully. Amenadiel's presence is felt, and Chloe catches Lucifer using his abilities.
Strengths "The witty and dark dialogue between Lucifer and Trixie, as well as Lucifer's use of his powers to protect those he cares about."
Weaknesses "The scene's focus on the bully plot detracts from the overarching investigation into Delilah's murder."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 6

Originality: 6

The scene is somewhat original in its blend of supernatural and mundane elements, as well as in its irreverent approach to a serious topic like bullying. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is somewhat limited, as they feel like exaggerated caricatures.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it may be to have some fun and mess with people. He seems to enjoy making Mean Girl cry.

External Goal: 6

Lucifer's external goal in this scene is to help Trixie deal with the Mean Girl who was bullying her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is not a clear philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, conflict, and supernatural elements in a unique way, making the viewer curious about what will happen next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective because it builds tension and suspense around the appearance of Amenadiel, as well as the resolution of the conflict between Trixie and Mean Girl.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene is correct and follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene is straightforward and follows the expected structure for its genre.


Critique There are a few things that could be improved in this scene.

Firstly, the dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural, particularly Trixie's lines. This could be improved by making the conversation between her and Lucifer feel more organic and less contrived.

Secondly, the use of the "no-no-touch zone" as a euphemism for genitalia feels childish and out of place. It also disrupts the flow of the scene.

Finally, the introduction of the supernatural element, with Amenadiel's presence, feels sudden and jarring. It may be more effective to build up to this reveal more gradually.

Overall, this scene has potential but could use some refinement to make it feel more natural and flow better.
Suggestions Firstly, the dialogue between Lucifer and Trixie should be toned down. Some of his remarks are inappropriate for a conversation with a child, such as calling her name a "hooker's name." Also, his comment about the "no-no-touch zone" could be seen as inappropriate for a child's platform.

Additionally, the scene would benefit from having a clearer and more compelling objective for Lucifer. Right now, it seems like he's simply idling in the elementary school and making small talk with Trixie. The scene could benefit from him having a clearer goal, such as trying to extract information out of Trixie or observing someone at the school.

Finally, the surreal slowdown effect to indicate the presence of Amenadiel feels like it comes out of nowhere and isn't properly established within the logic of the film. It would be better to foreshadow this supernatural element earlier in the movie to make it feel more grounded within the story's world.



Scene 14 - Lucifer Meets Dan
21 EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - STREET - DAY 21

Lucifer, Chloe and Trixie walk out as DAN ESPINOZA arrives.
What’s he doing here?

TRIXIE
Hi, Daddy.

Oh. That’s why.


(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 35.
21 CONTINUED: 21

CHLOE
Wow. Shocker. You’re late.

DAN
Gimme a break, I’m putting a case
to bed.

CHLOE
Right, like I’m not working a case
too. You remember -- the one you
tried to steal from me?

DAN
You mean the open and shut one. You
did open and shut it, right?

Off Chloe’s silence -- clearly, that’s a no. *

LUCIFER *
Have you been going rogue, dear? *
Exciting. *

CHLOE
I’m not going rogue. I’m just being *
diligent. I need to get this right, *
Dan. It’s a high profile case. *

DAN
Exactly. Which is why you need to
be smart about it-- *

Lucifer clocks Trixie sticking her fingers in her ears.

LUCIFER
She is smart. You’re a dimwit. But
perhaps you should refrain from
arguing in front of the child. It’s
unbecoming. Not to mention another
waste of my time. Which is far more
important. To me.

A moment. Dan looks at Chloe.

DAN
Who’s this idiot? New boyfriend? I
thought we agreed not to--

Lucifer grabs Dan in a firm handshake. Gets up close, says:

LUCIFER
Allow me to introduce myself. I’m a
man who could make you see things
that would drive you blind. Or pull
your spine out through your mouth.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 35A.
21 CONTINUED: (2) 21
LUCIFER (CONT'D)
Your choice. But I wouldn’t do any
of these things in front of the
child. You know why? Because I, for
one, have excellent manners.

A beat.




(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 36.
21 CONTINUED: (3) 21

DAN
I don’t know whether to laugh or
shoot you.

LUCIFER
Surprise me.

TRIXIE
Isn’t he funny, Daddy?!

CHLOE
(to Dan)
Hey, can you drop Trix at my
mother’s? Thanks! Gotta go!
(to Trixie)
Gimme a kiss, Trixella! Mommy loves
you so much! And... good job
standing up to the mean girl!

TRIXIE
Thanks, Mommy!
(then)
What’s a hooker?

CHLOE
Daddy’ll tell you.

Dan nods his thanks, takes Trixie by the hand and walks off.
Trixie turns back.

TRIXIE
Bye, Lucifer! Nice to meet you!

Lucifer says nothing. Just frowns. But it’s yet another
surprise for Chloe.

CHLOE
I think she likes you.

LUCIFER
Of course she does. What’s not to *
like? *


END OF ACT THREE *
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 37.


ACT FOUR *
Genres: ["crime","drama","comedy"]

Summary Lucifer meets Chloe's ex-husband Dan, they argue, and Trixie asks what a hooker is.
Strengths "The banter between Lucifer and Dan is entertaining, Trixie adds an element of innocence and humor to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene is largely filler with no major plot developments."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 3

The scene does not contain any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and consistent with their established character traits.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 6

Lucifer's internal goal in this scene is not clear, but he may be attempting to assert his dominance or prove himself. Alternatively, he may be trying to make a connection with Trixie or impress Chloe.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is not explicit in this scene, but Chloe is shown to be working on a high profile case that she is determined to get right.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 7

The scene is engaging because of the humorous and witty dialogue, as well as the character dynamics between the protagonists and Dan. The introduction of Trixie adds an element of innocence and adds interest to the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective due to the back-and-forth banter between the characters, as well as the introduction of Trixie and the unexpected dialogue that results from it.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clean and follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene is appropriately formatted and follows the expected structure for its genre.


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot provide a subjective critique of the scene in terms of its overall quality or entertainment value. However, I can provide some observations on its structure and content.

The scene effectively introduces new characters (Dan and Trixie) and establishes their relationships with the main characters (Lucifer and Chloe). The dialogue is snappy and humorous, with some witty one-liners from Lucifer and playful banter between Chloe and Dan.

The scene also sets up some conflicts and tensions, such as the professional rivalry between Chloe and Dan, and the potential romantic tension between Chloe and Lucifer. Additionally, the scene hints at some mystery and danger surrounding Lucifer's character, as he casually mentions his ability to inflict harm on others.

Overall, the scene serves as a solid transition from the previous scenes and sets up some intriguing plot points for the rest of the episode.
Suggestions 1. Add more action description to set the scene: Describe the surroundings, the weather, and how the characters move and interact. This will help the scene come to life and give readers a better visual.

2. Develop the characters more: While this scene is short, it's still an opportunity to show more about the characters. Add more unique dialogue or character traits to really make them stand out.

3. Consider adding some conflict or tension: This scene is relatively light and humorous, but perhaps there's room to add some additional tension or drama. This could help keep the audience engaged and interested.

4. Avoid clichés: While some of the dialogue is funny, parts of it feel a little overdone. Try to come up with more unique or unexpected dialogue.

5. Add a character objective: Right now, this scene feels a little aimless. Consider giving one of the characters a specific objective, whether it's related to the case or something else entirely. This can help give the scene a clear purpose.



Scene 15 - Lucifer and Chloe Wait at the Therapist's Office
21A INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE - WAITING ROOM - DAY 21A *

Lucifer and Chloe wait... *

LUCIFER *
Was your offspring planned or a *
mistake? *

CHLOE *
Excuse me? *
(off his you-heard-me look) *
Planned. Sort of. *

LUCIFER *
Hmm. Explain to me the human desire *
to procreate? Never understood it. *
Children are hideous little *
creatures. Terrible, taxing burdens. *
(off her look) *
Oh, your kid’s fine. I mean, nothing *
to crow about... but nothing to be *
too embarrassed about, either. *

Chloe just stares at him for a beat, dumbfounded. *

CHLOE *
Are you at all aware of how dickish *
you sound? *

Lucifer locks eyes with her... trying to work his mojo again. *

LUCIFER *
Speaking of dicks -- why was that *
dumdum you were married to *
pressuring you to close the case? *

CHLOE *
No reason. *

LUCIFER *
(frowns, not used to this) *
Strange. *

CHLOE *
Yes, you are. *

LUCIFER *
No, I’m still not affecting you. *

CHLOE *
Actually, you’re making me *
nauseous. *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 38.
21A CONTINUED: 21A

Lucifer studies her for a beat, intrigue now verging on *
concern. *

LUCIFER *
Hmm, did My Father send you? *

Dr. Linda Martin pokes her head out... *

DR. LINDA MARTIN *
Okay Detective, I’ll see you now. *
Genres: ["drama","comedy","mystery"]

Summary Lucifer and Chloe have a conversation while waiting for Chloe's therapy session. Lucifer questions Chloe's desire to have a child and they banter back and forth, with Chloe calling him out on his behavior.
Strengths "The banter between Chloe and Lucifer is witty and entertaining, showing their dynamic and differing perspectives. The dialogue is sharp and well-written."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't move the overall plot forward significantly and doesn't have particularly high stakes."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 5

Originality: 9

The scene's focus on the philosophical conflict surrounding the value of having children is unique and fresh, and it helps to establish the contrasting worldviews of the show's two main characters. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic, and the scene's tension is well-crafted.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 2

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal is to flirt with Chloe and try to get under her skin. This reflects his desire for control and power, as well as his fear of being rejected or ignored.

External Goal: 7

There isn't a clear external goal for the protagonist in this scene, as it's more of a conversational interaction between him and Chloe. However, Lucifer is trying to get information about Chloe's ex-husband and his motivations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 3

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Lucifer and Chloe about the value of having children. Chloe believes that children are a gift, while Lucifer sees them as burdensome creatures.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging because of the sharp dialogue and interaction between the two main characters, which creates a sense of tension and suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene helps to create tension and suspense, with pauses between lines and a slow build-up of conflict and tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is well-formatted and follows standard formatting guidelines for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a character interaction or conversation scene.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively advances the storyline and character development. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

1. The dialogue between Lucifer and Chloe feels somewhat forced and unnatural, particularly in their discussion about children. The conversation could be more organic and less heavy-handed.

2. The "you-heard-me" and "off-his-look" directions in Chloe's dialogue are unnecessary and detract from the flow of the scene.

3. The use of the term "dickish" feels a bit jarring and out of place in the context of the scene.

4. It's unclear what exactly Lucifer means when he asks if My Father sent Chloe, and this could be elaborated upon to add more depth to the plot.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up conflict and tension between the two main characters and moves the story forward, but could benefit from some tweaks to the dialogue and direction.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show instead of telling: Instead of having Lucifer explicitly state that he doesn't understand the human desire to procreate and that children are burdens, find ways to show this through his actions and behavior. This will make the scene more engaging and allow the audience to draw their own conclusions about his character.

2. Add more conflict: The scene could benefit from additional conflict between Lucifer and Chloe. Perhaps Chloe could challenge him more directly on his beliefs, or she could reveal something about her own past that contradicts his views.

3. Use more subtext: Try to incorporate more subtext into the dialogue, so that there are underlying meanings and tensions that the characters are not explicitly stating. This will add depth and complexity to the scene.

4. Increase the stakes: It's not clear what the stakes are in this scene, or why it's important for these two characters to have this conversation. Consider adding more urgency or importance to the situation, so that the audience is more invested in what is happening.

5. Tighten the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels repetitive or unnecessary. Try to condense and streamline the conversation so that it has more impact and moves the story forward more effectively.



Scene 16 - Therapy Session
22 INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE - DAY 22

Lucifer and Chloe sit opposite the therapist, DR. LINDA
MARTIN, very uptight and very put-together.

CHLOE
I’d like to ask you a few questions
about Delilah...

Linda nods, but she can’t take her eyes off Lucifer. He nods
and smiles, very understanding.

LUCIFER
You’re thinking about it, aren’t
you?

LINDA
What?

LUCIFER
It’s not a good idea. I’m like
walking heroin. Very habit-forming.
Never ends well.

CHLOE
I’m sorry, do you two know each
other?

LUCIFER
No, but I know that look.

LINDA
(trying to snap out of it)
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.

LUCIFER
(turns to Chloe)
It’s interesting because you don’t
look at me that way.

CHLOE
What way?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 38A.
22 CONTINUED: 22

LUCIFER
With carnal fascination.

CHLOE
That’s because it doesn’t exist.




(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 39.
22 CONTINUED: 22

LUCIFER
No, you see, that’s just it... with
most women it does. I tend to
appeal to the dark, mischievous
heart within all of you. But you,
Detective -- you seem oddly immune
to my charms.

CHLOE
Referring to them as charms is a
stretch. Truth be told, I find you
repulsive. Like on a chemical
level. Seriously, you’re gross. I
mean, you flat out give me the
heebie-jeebies.

LUCIFER
Fascinating.

LINDA
You say it’s fascinating. But I can *
see it disturbs you, doesn’t it? *
Deeply.

Lucifer now turns to Linda. Huh. She just read him pretty
damn well. What-the-F is going on lately? Chloe plows on... *

CHLOE
Dr. Martin, we know Delilah was
having a clandestine affair with a
wealthy married man. Just tell us
his name and we’ll be on our way.

LINDA
I’m sorry, I can’t do that.

LUCIFER
(aside to Chloe) *
She’s one of the complex ones.
(then leans in to Linda)
Linda... darling... tell me. *

LINDA
I can’t. I want to!! But I can’t!
You’re the devil!

LUCIFER
Correct. Now... tell me, Dr.
Martin. I know you want to...

LINDA
(really struggling)
Oh, darn... it’s really juicy, too.


(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 40.
22 CONTINUED: (2) 22

CHLOE
(flummoxed) *
Did you ruffie her? This is *
unbelievable.

LUCIFER
It’s not her fault. She’s just
reacting to me. Watch and learn.
(back to Linda)
The answer is yes. We can take a *
trip to pound town if we must. But *
you have to tell us, Linda. *

LINDA
(bursting)
Mmmmmmokay, it’s Grey Cooper.

CHLOE
Grey Cooper? Seriously? That is
pretty juicy.

LUCIFER
(disgusted)
The actor? The one married to Amanda
What’s-her-face? Oh, he’s horrible.
So square-jawed and handsome. So
vanilla. I’m really quite *
disappointed in Delilah. Truly
terrible taste in the opposite sex.

CHLOE
Thank you doctor, we’ll be in touch.
(to Lucifer)
Let’s go.

LUCIFER
Of course, but I made a deal. I need
to hold up my end of the bargain.

CHLOE
(incredulous) *
You’re not actually talking about *
having sex with her?? Now? *

Lucifer looks at Chloe. She’s right. This can wait. He looks
at Linda, who smiles languidly, shifts in her seat...

LINDA
I do a lot of yoga. I am freakishly
flexible... wanna see?
(then)
Wow, really tried to keep that in.



(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 41.
22 CONTINUED: (4) 22

LUCIFER
(gets up)
You tried. That’s what matters.
(then)
I do apologize, but I’m going to
have to take a rain check. I will
be back.

LINDA
I certainly hope so.

LUCIFER
My word is my bond.

Chloe shakes her head, beyond stymied, following Lucifer out.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Lucifer and Chloe go to therapy to find out more about Delilah's death, and Lucifer uses his charm to try and extract information from the therapist. Despite the therapist resisting, they eventually discover the name of the married man Delilah was having an affair with.
Strengths "The banter between Lucifer and Chloe is entertaining and the scene offers some comedic relief. The therapist's resistance adds tension to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene could be seen as somewhat unnecessary as the information they receive could have been gathered in a different way. The therapist's attraction to Lucifer is somewhat contrived."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 7

The scene is relatively original due to its quirky and unconventional approach to storytelling, with a character like Lucifer subverting expectations and challenging the status quo. The characters' actions and dialogue are authentic and believable, contributing to a grounded and realistic portrayal of otherwise fantastical elements.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal in this scene is to assert his charm and dominance over others, especially women, which reflects his deeper desire for control and validation.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get information from Dr. Martin about a wealthy married man who had an affair with the victim.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's skepticism and Lucifer's manipulation tactics. It challenges Chloe's belief that Lucifer is just a regular person, while also highlighting Lucifer's desire for control and power.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its quick pacing, its witty dialogue, and its unpredictability. The tension between the characters keeps the scene interesting, with each character revealing more about themselves and their motivations as the scene progresses.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum, with each character revealing more about themselves and their motivations as the scene progresses.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear exposition, rising action, and a resolution that moves the plot forward.


Critique As a screenwriting AI, I cannot provide personal opinions on the content of the scene, but I can provide analysis on its structure and elements.

The scene starts with Chloe and Lucifer visiting Dr. Linda Martin for some information on the case they are working on. Right off the bat, Lucifer manages to grab the attention of Linda, and he starts to play his mind games with her. Chloe is confused and tries to get back to the topic, which is getting information from Linda.

However, Lucifer's charm and manipulation skills are too much for Linda to handle, and she spills the beans on the name they need. The exchange between Chloe and Lucifer is witty, and the dialogue flows smoothly, giving each character a unique personality.

Overall, the scene provides necessary information for the story while also introducing key personalities of the show. It also sets up Lucifer as a charming, manipulative character who uses his skills to his advantage.
Suggestions



Scene 17 - Lucifer's Encounter on the Film Set
23 EXT. DOWNTOWN - INDUSTRIAL AREA - DAY 23

Lucifer walks with purpose down a dingy street, pushing his
way past a GROUP OF ONLOOKERS crowded behind a barrier. As he
starts to pass, a feeble TRAFFIC COP tries to stop him.

TRAFFIC COP
Sir. Uh. You have to stay behind
the barricade--

Lucifer ignores him, stepping casually past the barricade
when suddenly, a MUSCLE CAR comes SPEEDING around the corner.
Pursued by TWO COP CARS. Lights. Sirens. And GUNFIRE!

Muscle car’s tire BLOWS. Car FLIPS. And CRASH-SLIDES right
towards Lucifer, who doesn't move as it skids to a halt
inches from him. When we HEAR...

24 EXT. DOWNTOWN - INDUSTRIAL AREA - CONTINUOUS 24

A.D.(O.S)
WHO THE FU(air-horn) IS THIS GUY?!

TRANSITION TO: this same moment over A VIDEO MONITOR... where
a pissed-off A.D. storms out from behind it. We’re on a film
set. And Lucifer has just fucked up the big shot. Chloe
hurries in behind him, couple UNIFORMS in her wake. She
flashes her badge.

CHLOE
He's with me! Sorry.

Lucifer eyes the STUNT ACTOR being helped out of the *
overturned car. He's square-jawed, handsome, and vanilla.
But...

LUCIFER
You're not Grey Cooper.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 42.
24 CONTINUED: 24

A.D.
No! Of course not! What the hell is
this?

CHLOE
We need to speak with Grey Cooper.
Genres: ["drama","crime"]

Summary Lucifer's attempt to meet with Grey Cooper on a film set is disrupted by a car chase and shootout. He causes chaos and is nearly hit by a car before revealing his purpose to Chloe.
Strengths "The scene is packed with action and tension, making it engaging for the viewer. The reveal of Grey Cooper as the target of Lucifer's visit adds intrigue to the story."
Weaknesses "The scene may be confusing for viewers unfamiliar with the plot or characters."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 9

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While it contains familiar elements such as police chases and film sets, the combination of these elements and the witty dialogue of the characters add a fresh twist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal in this scene is to find Grey Cooper. This goal reflects his need to take control and have everything go according to his perfectly-laid plans.

External Goal: 9

Lucifer's external goal in this scene is unclear at first, but it becomes clear that he is on a mission to find Grey Cooper. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of locating this person in order to achieve some sort of larger goal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it starts with a bang and keeps the audience guessing as to what will happen next. The quick shifts in setting and dialogue keep the scene fresh and interesting.

Pacing: 9

The fast-paced action and dialogue of this scene contribute to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension. The quick cuts between settings and characters add to the pacing.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise action and dialogue descriptions.

Structure: 7

The structure of this scene follows the expected structure for its genre. It begins with establishing the setting and protagonist's actions, moves into a more action-packed scene, and concludes with a transition to a new setting.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. It sets the tone and introduces the protagonist in a visually interesting way. The action is clear, and the dialogue is believable.

One area of improvement could be the introduction of the A.D. character. It is a bit jarring to suddenly shift to a video monitor and see a character who has not been introduced before. Perhaps there could be a brief establishing shot of the video monitor or some dialogue setting up the fact that they are on a film set before the transition.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from a bit more description and detail. For example, what does the street look like? Are there any distinctive landmarks or buildings in the background? What is the weather like? Adding these details can help the reader visualize the scene more fully.

Overall, though, this is a strong scene that effectively sets up the story and the character of Lucifer.
Suggestions 1. Add more description to the setting and atmosphere of the scene to enhance the mood and tone. Is it hot, humid, smoggy? Is there trash on the streets? Are there people milling about or is it desolate?

2. Develop the character of Lucifer more. Is he arrogant, confident, or nonchalant as he walks down the street? How does he react to the chaos around him? Flesh out his motivations and goals.

3. Introduce the other characters earlier and give them more defined roles in the scene. What are the onlookers thinking or saying? Is the traffic cop just a bumbling idiot or do we sympathize with his job difficulty?

4. Add more tension by foreshadowing the impending car crash. Is there the sound of screeching tires or a close call with a pedestrian before it happens?

5. Use visual and auditory cues to add more sensory details to the scene. What does the car crash sound like? Is there smoke or debris flying everywhere? How do the bystanders react?

6. Consider adding more details about the film set and the people working on it. Who else is present besides the AD and Chloe? Do they have specific jobs or roles to play in the story?

7. Develop the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging. Is there room for humor or conflict? Do the characters speak in distinctive and memorable ways?



Scene 18 - The Revelation
25 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - DIFFERENT AREA - MOMENTS LATER 25

Lucifer and Chloe now with the real GREY COOPER... same cuts *
and bruises as the stunt guy. The uniforms stand by. *

GREY COOPER *
God, Delilah, yeah... heard about *
that this morning. Can’t believe *
it. We did a movie together last *
year. Got pretty close. *

LUCIFER
Lovers?

GREY COOPER
Friends.

LUCIFER
Friends who were lovers?

Grey frowns. Who is this asshole? Chloe gives Lucifer a look. *

CHLOE *
Settle down. I’ll handle the
questions, thank you.
(to Grey) *
Mr. Cooper, when did you last have *
contact with Delilah? *

LUCIFER
Sorry, I just have one more
question before you proceed with
the boring ones--
(turns to a confused Grey)
What do you want more than
anything, Mr. Cooper? What is your
deepest, darkest desire? When you
close your eyes what do you see?

Chloe rolls her eyes. Here we go.

GREY COOPER
I'm the President of the United
States.

LUCIFER
Ha! Who’s the devil now?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 43.
25 CONTINUED: 25

Grey frowns -- confused by his bold admission. Lucifer looks *
to Chloe: Impressed? She is. Slightly. Chloe takes the baton. *

CHLOE
Those are some pretty big
aspirations there, Mr. Cooper.

GREY COOPER
(embarrassed/plays casual) *
Well. After the acting and, stuff--

CHLOE
Oh, don’t be embarrassed. Hell, if *
Arnold can do it, right? But ya *
know, you wouldn’t want any nasty *
secrets screwin’ that up, would you? *

GREY COOPER
No... I wouldn’t. *

CHLOE
Better to pull the skeletons out
now... public’s very forgetful. *

LUCIFER
More importantly, why would you
want to be a politician? I mean you
get to make movies? Isn’t that more *
fun? Not that I like yours much. *

A BLACK SUV rolls up behind them... *

GREY COOPER *
Is there a point to this? *

CHLOE *
Mr. Cooper, were you having an *
affair with Delilah? *

His mouth drops open... at a loss... when: *

AMANDA *
Honey, have you been getting my *
texts? I thought you were breaking *
for lunch like a half-hour ago-- *

AMANDA BELLO, a famous actress in her own right, walks up
behind Grey. Clocks Lucifer, Chloe and the weird vibe.

AMANDA (CONT’D)
What’s going on?

GREY COOPER
These people are detectives.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 44.
25 CONTINUED: (2) 25

AMANDA *
(confused)
Real ones?

CHLOE
Yes, ma’am. Well, I am.

LUCIFER
(takes in Amanda)
You’re really quite striking in
person. Luminous, actually.

AMANDA
Thank you!

LUCIFER
Interesting... I’ve never been very
fond of you on the big screen.

AMANDA
Thank you...?

LUCIFER *
I’m sorry, Lucifer... Morningstar. *

They shake hands. Lock eyes. The LUCIFER EFFECT gearing up...

AMANDA
Wow. Great name. What’s this about?

CHLOE
We had some questions. About Delilah.

Amanda lets go of Lucifer, nods to Chloe in that heartfelt way.

AMANDA
Oh. Yes. That’s so sad.

GREY COOPER
Yeah... very... sad... *

Grey wipes his brow... sweating nervously. As he does, Chloe *
zeroes in on a watch on his wrist -- IDENTICAL TO EDDIE’S. *

CHLOE *
Your watch. Where’d you get it? *

GREY COOPER *
Oh... um, it’s a prop... *

AMANDA *
(casual but knows something) *
No, that’s the one Delilah gave you, *
isn’t it? For Time Will Tell. *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 45.
25 CONTINUED: (3) 25

GREY COOPER *
(chuckles uncomfortably) *
Oh, right. That’s the movie we did. *
It was a... wrap gift. *

CHLOE *
She give a ten thousand dollar *
watch to the whole crew? *

GREY COOPER *
Oh, no. Just me. Far as I know. *
‘Cause we were... ya know, co-stars *
and everything. *

LUCIFER *
(locks eyes with Grey again) *
Gonna have to lie better than that *
if you wanna be president. *

GREY COOPER *
(devilish aside) *
I know, right? *

LUCIFER *
So you were sleeping with her then? *

GREY COOPER *
Oh, yeah. *

AMANDA *
Uh, I can hear you, Grey. *

CHLOE *
So can I. *

GREY COOPER *
(still whispers to Lucifer) *
Crap. I just said that out loud, *
didn’t I? In front of people. *
Police people. And my wife. *

AMANDA *
Whatever. Not like I didn’t know, *
Grey. You’re a terrible liar. And *
actor, by the way. *

GREY COOPER *
You knew? *

AMANDA *
Of course. Why do you think I’ve *
been sleeping with Bobby? *

*

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 46.
25 CONTINUED: (4) 25

Grey throws a shocked look over to his bodyguard, BOBBY, who *
about chokes on his own tongue. *

AMANDA (CONT’D) *
And lemme tell you, it’s gooood. I *
climb that man like a tree. *

GREY COOPER *
Are you serious?! My bodyguard?! *
What a cliché! *

AMANDA *
Oh, I’m a cliché?! Well, you’re a *
dick. *

Grey’s not sure where to direct his anger. So he attacks
Bobby. Amanda tries separate them. Lucifer and Chloe watch
the clusterfuck for a sec, then Chloe nods at the uniforms.

CHLOE
Arrest them.
(turns to Lucifer)
One of ‘em’s gotta be guilty.

LUCIFER
Now that was fun.

Chloe can’t help but crack the slightest smug smile. As this
time... they watch the chaos they BOTH created. *


END OF ACT FOUR
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 47.


ACT FIVE
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Comedy"]

Summary Lucifer and Chloe confront Grey Cooper, a potential suspect in Delilah's murder, and use their interrogation skills to uncover his affair with Delilah. Grey's wife, Amanda, arrives and reveals her own affair with Grey's bodyguard. Chaos ensues and Chloe decides to arrest both Grey and Bobby.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension and reveals important information about the characters' relationships. The dialogue is sharp and adds humor to the scene. The revelation of the affairs adds a layer of complexity to the plot."
Weaknesses "Some moments in the scene could be more subtle and nuanced. The chaos at the end feels slightly forced."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 10

Originality: 4

This scene does not offer many unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue is average, without any standout elements.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 5

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not clearly defined. However, Lucifer's continued questioning of Grey Cooper's desires may reflect his own curiosity about human desires and his own struggle with identity and purpose.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to interrogate Grey Cooper and gather information about his relationship with Delilah. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of the investigation and the challenge of determining the truth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 10

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter and playful dynamics between the characters. The dialogue and exchanges between Lucifer, Chloe, and Grey Cooper create tension and intrigue, keeping the audience interested in the investigation.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene is effective in maintaining the momentum and suspense. The dialogue exchanges are quick and snappy, creating a dynamic rhythm that keeps the scene engaging.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the characters, establishes the conflict, and builds towards a resolution. The dialogue and actions are organized and flow naturally.


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model developed by OpenAI, I do not possess the capability of critiquing or providing feedback on screenplays. However, I can provide you with information on elements and structures of a scene, characters, dialogue, and their impacts on the story.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI language model, I would suggest the following improvements to the scene:

1. Clarify the characters' locations and actions in the beginning. The scene begins with "Lucifer and Chloe now with the real Grey Cooper," but it is not clear where they are or what they are doing.

2. Use clearer dialogue tags and action descriptions. When Grey responds to Lucifer's question about his relationship with Delilah, it is simply described as "Grey frowns." It is unclear what his facial expression conveys. Similarly, when Amanda arrives, it simply says she "clocks Lucifer, Chloe, and the weird vibe." It is not entirely clear what this means.

3. Make the dialogue more concise and to the point. Some of the questions and comments made by Lucifer and Chloe feel unnecessary and distracting, such as when Lucifer asks about Grey's desires and what he sees when he closes his eyes. While it may be in-character for Lucifer to make such comments, it slows down the scene and detracts from the primary focus of the investigation and questioning.

4. Create more tension and conflict during the questioning. While there is some tension and awkwardness between the characters, especially when Grey admits to sleeping with Delilah, the scene could benefit from even more conflict and tension. For example, Grey could become more confrontational or defensive during the questioning, or there could be more suspicion directed towards him from the detectives.

5. Include more specific and meaningful details in the characters' actions and dialogue. For example, when Chloe notices that Grey's watch is identical to Eddie's, it feels like a significant clue. However, the scene moves on quickly and this detail is not fully explored or explained. Including more details like this could make the scene more engaging and gripping for the audience.



Scene 19 - Connections and Confessions
26 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT (NIGHT 2) 26

A VIGIL honoring Delilah on the sidewalk. Candles and letters
around a small TV playing one of Delilah’s performances.

27 INT. LUX - NIGHT 27

Chloe’s got a beer in one hand, cell in the other -- smug *
smile gone. Lucifer sips a scotch, spinning THAT COIN. Maze *
stands a few yards away, watching disapprovingly.

CHLOE (ON PHONE) *
I know. Check again. What about *
their assistants’ phones, *
nannies?... Fan pages? Twitter? *
(sighs, listens) *
Okay... Call if anything changes. *
(hangs up, slugs her beer) *
Grey and Amanda have zero *
connection to the shooter or the *
driver. Maybe the shooter wasn’t *
working for anyone. Maybe this *
thing does start and end with him. *

LUCIFER
No. I don’t believe it.

CHLOE
He did have the same watch as Grey.
Can’t be a coincidence. Maybe *
Delilah gave it to him, too? Kind *
of her go-to gift. *

LUCIFER
But that would imply she was
sleeping with that maggot.

CHLOE
Let's see, Jimmy, 2VILE, Grey
Cooper... She was sleeping with
three other maggots. Not like she
had tremendous discretion.
(another gulp of beer) *
God... why am I here?

LUCIFER
Wrong deity, but that is the
eternal question, isn’t it?

CHLOE
No. I mean, here. In a bar. With
you.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 48.
27 CONTINUED: 27

They look at each other. Lucifer serious now... *

LUCIFER
I don’t know, Detective. Despite *
your proclaimed revulsion, you *
can’t deny there’s a connection *
between us. Tell me... what do you *
really want? *

CHLOE
(half-smiles, mocking him)
You mean, WHAT do I desire more
than anything in this life?

LUCIFER *
Yes. No tricks -- not that they
work with you, you freak. Tell me.
I’m curious.

Lucifer finally seems genuine here. She loosens up. Maybe
it’s the beer... maybe not.

CHLOE
I suppose what I was saying before
wasn’t all a lie... I do want to
help people... I dunno...

Lucifer frowns, more teasing than judging.

LUCIFER
Your purity repulses me. *

CHLOE
Well, your lack of it isn’t wildly
attractive either.

A moment shared. They tip their drinks to each other. Touché. *

CHLOE (CONT’D)
My father was a cop. A pretty great
one. My mother was an actress.
Pretty cheesy one. I tried the *
acting thing. Took my top off, not
exactly contributing to the
betterment of society.

LUCIFER
--disagree--

CHLOE
Anyway. Didn’t like how it made me
feel about myself. So I quit.
Became a cop like my old man.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 49.
27 CONTINUED: (2) 27
CHLOE (CONT'D)
Endured the staring and teasing
from the entire department. ‘Til I *
became a detective and found a
whole new way to ostracize myself.

LUCIFER
Ah. The reason your ex-maggot was *
pressuring you to close this. *

CHLOE
Yeah. Few months ago, I saw a case *
differently than a lot of people in
the department -- including my ex.
Stuck my neck out ...backfired. Now
most of ‘em hate me. And nobody’ll
work with me.

LUCIFER
I’m available. *

Chloe shakes her head, but can’t help but smile. Maze *
interrupts to grab glasses, when a familiar MUSIC CUE plays -- *
a SONG CALLED “TIME WILL TELL.” ON THE BAR TV: NEWS COVERAGE *
showing the outpouring of support from Delilah’s fans. A
REPORTER commenting on the recent rise of her album sales.

MAZE
(to Lucifer, bit spiteful)
Too bad your little protegé’s not
around to cash the check.

Chloe’s face goes slack -- light bulb moment.

CHLOE *
Oh wow. Delilah gave Grey a watch for *
the movie Time Will Tell. Get it? *

LUCIFER *
Very poetic. *

CHLOE *
She gave one to someone else, too. *
But not to the drug dealer... *
Genres: ["drama","crime","mystery"]

Summary Lucifer and Chloe discuss Delilah's case while at Lux. They reflect on their personal lives and Chloe reveals her desire to help people, despite being ostracized by her colleagues. They uncover a new clue about Grey Cooper's connection to Delilah. The scene ends with the revelation that Delilah gave Grey a watch for the movie Time Will Tell.
Strengths
  • Interesting character development for Chloe
  • New clue discovered about Grey Cooper's connection to Delilah
Weaknesses
  • Lack of action or suspense

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 5

The scene does not introduce any particularly unique situations or approaches to the genre. However, the characters' dialogue feels authentic and helps to establish their personalities and relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 9

Chloe's internal goal in this scene is to understand the dynamics between herself and Lucifer. She seems to be grappling with her feelings of attraction and repulsion towards him.

External Goal: 8

Chloe's external goal is to solve the case surrounding Delilah's death. She is trying to gather information, and in this scene she is exploring the connection between the suspects and Delilah.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Chloe's desire to help people and Lucifer's sarcastic dismissal of her motives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 8

The scene is engaging because of the witty banter between the characters, the tension surrounding the investigation, and the emotional depth of the characters' interactions. The audience is invested in Chloe's journey to solve the case and her complicated relationship with Lucifer.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective because it balances dialogue, action, and brief moments of reflection. The scene does not feel rushed, and the tension builds steadily throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is formatted in a standard way, with character names in all caps and brief scene descriptions. The formatting does not distract from the content of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a typical structure for a television drama, with a mixture of dialogue and brief scene description. The scene serves to advance the plot and reveal character information.


Critique Overall, the scene seems to flow well and the dialogue is natural. The characters have clear voices and distinct personalities. However, some of the actions and descriptions could use more detail and clarity. For example, it's not entirely clear where Maze is standing or what she's doing while watching Chloe and Lucifer talk. Additionally, the action around the vigil for Delilah could be more vividly described. Finally, some of the character motivations and plot points are a bit muddled, such as why Chloe suddenly has a realization about the watch and Delilah's album sales. Overall, the scene has potential, but some revision and clarity could make it stronger.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. However, here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Establish the location of the vigil in the first sentence, so the audience can visualize it before the characters begin speaking.
2. Consider breaking up the dialogue with some action or description to make the scene more dynamic.
3. In Chloe's dialogue, "smug smile gone" can be shown through her facial expression and body language instead of being stated.
4. Instead of saying "Maze stands a few yards away, watching disapprovingly," show her disapproval through her facial expression and body language.
5. Consider giving Grey and Amanda more context before mentioning them in the dialogue, so the audience understands who they are.
6. Instead of having Lucifer and Chloe tip their drinks to each other, consider having them clink their glasses together. This action is more common and will feel more natural to the audience.
7. Show Chloe's realization about Delilah giving the watch to Grey through her facial expression and body language instead of having her explain it in dialogue. This will make the moment more impactful and visual.



Scene 20 - Jimmy Barnes' Fate
28 INT. RECORDING STUDIO - LATER THAT NIGHT 28

Late night session. A YOUNG BOY BAND recording. Tired mixers
at work. And... JIMMY, harping on a Justin Bieber-y kid. Door *
booms open. TECHS and MIXERS curse as Lucifer and Chloe
interrupt the session, making a bee-line for Jimmy.

JIMMY BARNES
Really?! Wasn’t enough to destroy
my wedding, huh--

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 50.
28 CONTINUED: 28

CHLOE
How’re the album sales doing?

Jimmy winces at that one. Hides his fear. But not well.

JIMMY BARNES *
What album? *

CHLOE *
The soundtrack for Time Will Tell. *
That YOU produced... Whitney *
Houston reached the top 10 for
album sales after her death.
Michael Jackson hit the
stratosphere! I’m not sure you’ll
achieve the same heights by having
Delilah killed, but that’s still a *
buttload of royalty checks comin’ *
your way. Not a bad year for you.
Guess you need that cash, huh?
Which is why you had to pay the *
shooter with your watch. *

LUCIFER
The watch Delilah gave you. Now *
that’s just sick, but then you are,
so...

Jimmy’s sweaty face turns red. Then. He does something
unexpected -- he GRABS one of the BAND BOYS as a shield and
whips out a fucking GUN! Chloe’s gun is out in a blink.

CHLOE
WHOA! Hey! Jimmy?!

The room freezes.

JIMMY BARNES
I made her! And she ruined me! She
humiliated me! She owes me!

Lucifer doesn't seem threatened by this escalation. Because
he isn't. He advances on Jimmy.

LUCIFER
You’re not God, Jimmy. You didn’t
make her. But you did destroy her.
So I’m going to punish you.

JIMMY BARNES *
Back off, you freak! I mean it! I’m *
not going to prison for that bitch. *
NO chance. *


(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 50A.
28 CONTINUED: (2) 28

But Lucifer keeps approaching. Now Chloe has to jump in. *

CHLOE
Listen to him! Back off!




(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 51.
28 CONTINUED: (3) 28

LUCIFER
It’s fine. I told you. I’m immortal.

Jimmy’s twitchy. Lucifer gets way too close and Jimmy SWINGS
his gun up to fire on Lucifer when BOOM, BOOM! Chloe gets off
two shots first. One hits a lamp. The other nails Jimmy. He *
drops to the ground. Dead. And here's the fun part... LUCIFER
IS PISSED.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!

CHLOE
(what?!)
He was going to kill you!

LUCIFER
No-no-no you just let him off too
easy! He needs to suffer! He needs
to pay! He needs to feel the pain,
not escape it!

CHLOE
(trying to understand him)
Well, don’t worry. I’m sure where
he’s going the pain and
punishment’s coming...

LUCIFER
(sighs, irritated)
Actually, no. It’s not. And why?
Because I am here, and--

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. All eyes were off Jimmy who is still
ticking and FIRES off three shots at Chloe. One LANDS. Chloe
goes down.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
No!

Chloe staggers. BLOOD coming up fast. Lucifer hurries to her
side. She looks up at him through clouded, murky eyes.

CHLOE
I don’t want to die...

LUCIFER
I won’t let you... My father will
just have to wait for you.

The moment is interrupted by more SHOTS from Jimmy. Lucifer
protects Chloe now -- using his own body as a shield. He
cringes. Fuck that hurts. WE see it, SHE doesn’t.


(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 52.
28 CONTINUED: (3) 28

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Wait here a second...

Lucifer turns and WE STAY IN CHLOE’S POV -- her vision
blurred. Distorted. She’s catching only glimpses... but sees
Lucifer walk over... grab Jimmy by the neck and SLAM him up
against a nearby glass booth.

The glass cracks in a spiderweb... AND WE SEE Lucifer’s
broken, demonic face in the shattered glass behind Jimmy.

JIMMY BARNES
Please. Don’t kill me.

Lucifer flips Jimmy around to see THAT HORRID, NIGHTMARISH
REFLECTION.

LUCIFER
You’re going to wish that was all I
did to you.

And then CHLOE’S VISION is lost to BLACK and we HEAR Jimmy’s
blood-curdling SCREAM over a moment in DARKNESS...

Which then gives way to a BRIGHT TUNNEL OF LIGHT... Oh, wait.
It’s just a regular light. A HOSPITAL BED LIGHT...
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary Lucifer and Chloe confront Jimmy Barnes in a recording studio, where he pulls out a gun. Chloe shoots him, but he continues to fire, hitting Chloe. Lucifer protects her and takes revenge on Jimmy in a brutal manner.
Strengths "Intense action and emotional moments, strong character development for Lucifer and Chloe."
Weaknesses "Violent and gruesome scene may not be suitable for all audiences."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 6

The scene has some unique elements, such as the use of a recording studio as a setting for a confrontation between Lucifer, Chloe, and Jimmy. However, the concept of justice and punishment is a familiar theme in crime dramas. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 9

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal is to punish Jimmy for his crimes against Delilah. This reflects Lucifer's desire to right the wrongs in the world and to punish those who cause harm to others.

External Goal: 8

Lucifer's external goal is to protect Chloe and stop Jimmy from hurting her. This reflects the immediate threat that Jimmy poses and Lucifer's desire to keep Chloe safe.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 11

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 11

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is centered around the concept of punishment and justice. Lucifer believes that Jimmy needs to suffer and pay for his actions, while Chloe is focused on bringing him to justice through the legal system.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 11

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging because of its intense action and suspense. The dialogue and characters are well-written and keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, and keeping the audience engaged in the action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear formatting and transitions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, with a clear conflict and resolution. The pacing is fast and the action is intense.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with strong tension and compelling dialogue. The stakes are high and the action is fast-paced, keeping the audience engaged. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved.

Firstly, the introduction of the Young Boy Band feels unnecessary and adds more characters to an already crowded scene. It would be more effective to focus solely on Jimmy and his confrontation with Lucifer and Chloe.

Secondly, the transition from Chloe pulling her gun to Jimmy pulling his gun feels abrupt and could benefit from more build-up or foreshadowing.

Finally, the shift from the intense exchange between Jimmy, Lucifer, and Chloe to the hospital bed light feels too sudden and jarring. The scene could benefit from a smoother transition to the next scene or a clearer indication that the scene is ending.

Overall, though, this scene has strong elements and effectively builds tension and stakes.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is intense and has good momentum, but here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Clarify the setting - While the scene starts off in a recording studio, it's not clear which specific room they are in or where Jimmy is in relation to the door. Adding some detail can help ground the scene and make it more immersive.

2. Make Jimmy more threatening - Right now, Jimmy's motivation for pulling out the gun feels thin and sudden. Making him more menacing earlier in the scene and building up his anger and desperation can make his actions feel more believable and increase tension in the scene.

3. Show, don't tell - The dialogue does a lot of explaining, particularly with Chloe laying out the details of Jimmy's motives and actions. Instead of having her spell it out, try to convey some of this information through Jimmy's behavior or reactions. This can add more nuance to his character and make the scene more dynamic.

4. Consider pacing - The scene moves quickly, but some moments could benefit from a slower pace to build tension. When Jimmy pulls out the gun, for example, it might be more effective to have a beat of silence where the characters process what's just happened before the chaos of the gunshots begins.

5. Add more sensory detail - This can help immerse the audience in the scene and make it more visceral. What do the gunshots sound like? What does Chloe's blood feel like? How does the air smell in the recording studio? Including more sensory information can make the scene more vivid and memorable.



Scene 21 - Hospital Showdown
29 INT. HOSPITAL - ROOM - DAY (DAY 3) 29 *

Chloe is coming to. She finds Lucifer hovering over her.
Looking more like an angel than a devil. Good lighting.

LUCIFER
Well, look who’s back.

CHLOE
(groggy)
How long have I been out?

LUCIFER
Three years.

CHLOE
What?!

Lucifer smiles. The bastard just can’t help himself.

CHLOE (CONT’D)
You’re such an ass.
(then, remembering)
He was firing at you. Why are you
not more... dead?



(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 53.
29 CONTINUED: 29

LUCIFER
You're having a very hard time with
the immortal thing, aren't you?

CHLOE *
(struggling to make sense) *
Must’ve been delirious from the *
blood loss. *

LUCIFER *
Whatever helps you sleep, my dear. *

CHLOE *
What happened to Jimmy?

LUCIFER
He got what he deserved.

That hangs there. Another mystery Chloe will have to deal *
with later. She changes gears.

CHLOE
Well, I'm pretty sure I'd be dead
if you hadn’t helped me. So, thank
you.

LUCIFER
I'm sorry. I missed that last part.

CHLOE
(slightly annoyed smile)
Thank you. *

LUCIFER *
You're welcome.

Lucifer, suddenly uncomfortable with the warm exchange:

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Besides, you're far too interesting
to let die.

CHLOE
You saved my life because you find
me... interesting?

LUCIFER
Wildly irritating as well, but yes. *

Lucifer grins, but can’t hide that there’s more to it than *
that. Chloe studies him, frowns... either can she... *

CHLOE *
So now what? *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 54.
29 CONTINUED: (2) 29

LUCIFER
Well, obviously I’ve proven myself
as an invaluable crime-fighting
tool. You’re a pariah in the
department. I think this is the
beginning of a beautiful friendship,
don’t you?

CHLOE
Who the hell are you?

LUCIFER
I told you. I’m --

TRIXIE (O.S.)
Lucifer!

It’s Chloe’s daughter, Trixie. Ex-husband Dan in tow. Trixie
hugs Lucifer, which makes him hugely uncomfortable.

LUCIFER
Now, now. That’s enough, child.
Save some of this unpleasantness
for your mother.

Chloe glows at the sight of her daughter, tears up as Trixie
hugs her. Lucifer and Dan eye each other for a tense beat.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
I think she’s one hell of a
homicide detective, don’t you?

DAN
Yes. She is.
(to Chloe)
I’m happy for you.

CHLOE
Not sure you are, or just relieved
I didn’t cause problems again.

DAN
I’m trying to compliment you.

CHLOE
Okay... I’ll take it... thanks. And *
how ‘bout the department... They *
happy for me? *

DAN
Gettin’ there. *
(not)
You need to be more careful. You
should’ve had backup.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 55.
29 CONTINUED: (3) 29

Lucifer jumps, defending himself...

LUCIFER
She had back up.

Dan looks at him. Right. As much as that challenges him, he
decides to keep it polite.

DAN
Thank you. For helping her.

Lucifer, on the other hand, doesn’t keep it polite:

LUCIFER
That’s hard for you, isn’t it? Not
to be a douche.

Dan’s mouth drops open, wants to slug him, but Lucifer’s
already halfway to the door.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
I’d stay for the family reunion,
but it’s giving me IBS. Look
forward to seeing you soon, Chloe--

CHLOE
--I don’t--

LUCIFER
--Bye now. Glad you’re not dead.

Lucifer leaves but looks back for a moment, curious as to why
he gives a good goddamn about any them. He frowns, troubled.
Genres: ["crime","drama","fantasy"]

Summary Chloe wakes up in the hospital after being shot by Jimmy Barnes and Lucifer hovers over her. They have a tense conversation about their relationship while Trixie and Dan arrive. Lucifer makes some inappropriate comments before leaving, troubled by his feelings for them.
Strengths "The scene presents a clear conflict between Lucifer and the rest of the characters, highlighting the tension between them. The dialogue is witty and sharp, creating a sense of tension and drama in the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene is somewhat disconnected from the rest of the plot, and does not significantly advance the story. Some of the dialogue feels forced or unnatural, particularly when Lucifer makes inappropriate comments."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 6

This scene is somewhat original, as it combines elements of crime drama and supernatural mystery. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality, despite the supernatural elements.


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 8

Chloe's internal goal in this scene is to understand what happened during the shoot-out and how she ended up alive. This reflects her deeper need for justice and her fear of failing to protect herself and others.

External Goal: 9

Chloe's external goal is to gather information about the events that led to her injury and to figure out what happened to the shooter. This reflects the immediate circumstances or challenges she is facing in her job as a detective.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene, as Chloe struggles to understand how Lucifer could be immortal and why he saved her life. This conflict challenges her beliefs in justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it sets up a mystery and introduces interesting characters with complex motivations and personalities. The dialogue is snappy and entertaining, and the pacing keeps the audience on the edge of their seat.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective because it builds tension and reveals information at a steady pace, keeping the audience engaged and interested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene is clear and easy to follow, with appropriate scene headers and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and action beats.


Critique Overall, the scene has decent dialogue with some interesting moments of tension and character development. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement:

1. The opening line "Chloe is coming to" is a bit unclear. Is she waking up from a coma, or just regaining consciousness after passing out? Clarifying this would help set the scene.

2. The line "Looking more like an angel than a devil" feels a bit on-the-nose. It might be more effective to let the lighting and Lucifer's appearance speak for itself, without Chloe commenting on it.

3. Chloe's line "Must've been delirious from the blood loss" feels forced and unrealistic. It's unlikely that someone who just woke up from a gunshot wound would be able to joke around so easily.

4. The scene ends on a bit of a vague note, with Lucifer feeling troubled for no clear reason. Adding some more context or hints at what he's thinking/feeling would help give the scene a more satisfying conclusion.

Overall, though, the scene has a good balance of humor and drama, and sets up some interesting character dynamics. With a few tweaks, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more depth to the exchange between Chloe and Lucifer. Perhaps they could confront some of their underlying feelings towards each other, or reveal more about their past experiences. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more action or tension, such as a threat to Chloe's safety or a confrontation with the perpetrator of the crime they're investigating. Finally, there could be more attention paid to the pacing of the scene, making sure the dialogue flows smoothly and doesn't drag on for too long without any significant developments.



Scene 22 - Lucifer Confronts Amenadiel and Talks with Dr. Linda
30 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT (NIGHT 3) 30 *

Lucifer pulls up. Gets out, handing his keys to the VALET who
greets him with a smile and says... Nothing. Because he has
just slipped into SLOW MOTION. Lucifer sighs.

LUCIFER
Damnit.

Close enough. Lucifer turns. Amenadiel watches from across
the street. They meet in the middle of slow-flowing traffic.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
What do you want from me?

AMENADIEL
I’ve been watching you, Lucifer.

LUCIFER
Perv.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 56.
30 CONTINUED: 30

AMENADIEL
And I’m not sure I like what I see.
You’re showing restraint. Mercy.

LUCIFER
Scared I’m turning away from the
Dark Side, bro? Gonna give you a
little competition for Dad’s fav?
Don’t worry, I’m not.

Something flashes in Lucifer’s eyes -- something evil.

AMENADIEL
I don’t believe you. The human *
world can be even more painful than *
hell, Lucifer. Stay here, and *
prepare to feel things you have *
never felt before. *

LUCIFER
(stone cold serious now)
Do not threaten me, Amenadiel. You *
won’t win.

AMENADIEL
(flash of anger) *
Then go BACK!! *

LUCIFER
(realizing... pleased) *
You’re the one who’s threatened. *

AMENADIEL
My hatred of you grows stronger
with each visit.

LUCIFER
Wouldn’t have it any other way,
pal. Look forward to eating your
heart one day. Peace.

Amenadiel turns and walks off. Lucifer watches him go...

31 INT. LUX - MOMENTS LATER 31

Lucifer drops down at the piano. Maze watches from a short
distance. What looks like A DAGGER spins on its point in the
palm of her hand. But before we get a good look, she stops
it... walks over to Lucifer... quiet.

LUCIFER
I sense your disapproval, Maze.
What is it?


(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 56A.
31 CONTINUED: 31

MAZE
I just can’t understand why you
would save a human life.

Lucifer weighs this. Not sure himself. But plays it light...




(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 57.
31 CONTINUED: (2) 31

LUCIFER
There’s something different about
her. Something I can’t figure out.
And it vexes me.

Maze eyes him, her own concern brewing.

MAZE
Maybe it’s not her that’s
different.

LUCIFER
Is this where I ask: whatever do
you mean?

MAZE
Stop caring! You’re The Devil!

LUCIFER
Yes. I am...

But there’s doubt in his eyes as he launches into an eerie
rendition of “Gimme Shelter” which continues over...

32 INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE/WAITING ROOM - DAY (DAY 4) 32 *

Dr. Linda Martin sits when she notices a little red light
BLINKING above her door. She’s confused -- doesn’t have an
appointment right now. She gets up, opens the door...

Linda startles. Because Lucifer is standing right there.

LUCIFER
Here’s the deal. We can have as
much naked cuddle time as you
desire. But I need you to listen to
me too. I have a few things I’d
like to discuss with you. An
existential dilemma or two. Deal?

Linda smiles. Deal. And as the door shuts behind them WE SMASH
TO BLACK and Van Halen’s “Runnin’ with the Devil” kicks in.


THE END
Genres: ["crime","drama","supernatural"]

Summary Lucifer confronts Amenadiel about his recent behavior and powers, then discusses his confusion about his relationship with a human with Maze and visits Dr. Linda to discuss existential dilemmas.
Strengths "Strong character development and exploration of themes of identity and morality."
Weaknesses "Lack of action and high stakes may be perceived as dull or unexciting to some audiences."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of the Devil as a sympathetic and witty character, and in its depiction of divine conflict in a modern and relatable context. The dialogue is natural and convincing, and the actions of the characters are surprising and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 8

Lucifer's internal goal is to maintain his bad boy reputation and not allow anyone to see his vulnerability, especially Amenadiel.

External Goal: 9

Lucifer's external goal is to establish his power and dominance over Amenadiel and show him that he is not intimidated by his threats.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Lucifer's desire to maintain his independence and not be controlled by his father, and Amenadiel's belief in the need to follow a divine plan and fulfill his purpose.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, drama, and action in a fast-paced and visually interesting way. The dialogue and the performances are compelling, and the audience is invested in the outcome of the conflict between the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective because it alternates between slow-motion and fast cuts, and uses music and sound design to create a dynamic and engaging atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay in terms of scene headings, character names, and action lines.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic dialogue between two opposing characters in a urban fantasy setting.


Critique Overall, the scene has good characterization and dialogue, particularly for the main character of Lucifer. However, some of the actions and dialogue of other characters, such as the valet and Maze, could benefit from more depth and development. Additionally, the use of slow motion, while visually interesting, feels unnecessary and could be tightened. Overall, a solid scene that could benefit from a bit more refinement.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more depth to the dialogue between Lucifer and Amenadiel. Their exchange feels quite superficial and lacking in emotional tension. Perhaps adding in some backstory about their relationship or exploring their conflicting desires could add more dimension to their interaction. Additionally, the conversation between Lucifer and Maze could benefit from more subtlety and nuance. Rather than explicitly stating their opposing viewpoints, showing their conflicting feelings through their actions and body language could create more tension and intrigue. Finally, the ending could benefit from a more impactful and satisfying resolution, rather than abruptly cutting to black and playing a song. Adding a final beat or scene to tie up loose ends or leave the audience with a sense of closure would make for a more satisfying conclusion.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

Lucifer Morningstar

Lucifer Morningstar is a charming and charismatic fallen angel who is disillusioned with his role as the Devil in Hell. Good-looking and mischievous, he is a power-hungry, hedonistic individual who seeks to cause chaos on Earth. However, he is also questioning his relationship with his father and the purpose of his existence.



Maze

Maze is a seductive demon who serves as Lucifer's confidant and right-hand. She is a force to be reckoned with, challenging Lucifer to think differently while reminding him of his true purpose. Though seemingly disapproving of his behavior, she remains fiercely loyal. In her own journey, Maze searches for her place in the human world.



Lucifer

Lucifer is a charismatic and manipulative character who is struggling with his identity and emotions. He is driven by a desire for justice and a need to understand his own emotions. He is witty, confident, and often manipulative, but also has a dark edge that makes him both intriguing and dangerous. He is intrigued by and attracted to humans and their desires, but struggles to understand human behavior and connections. He often says things that are thoughtless or insensitive, but also has a soft spot for certain individuals, including Chloe and her family. Lucifer is on a journey to understand humanity and its complexities and is questioning his identity and morality.



Chloe

Chloe is a tough and skilled detective who takes her job seriously and is dedicated to seeking justice for those who have been wronged. She is often skeptical of Lucifer's abilities but values his insights into their investigations. Chloe has a complicated past as an actress that occasionally affects her work, and she struggles to balance her job and family life as a single mother to her daughter Trixie. Despite her tough exterior, Chloe is compassionate and cares deeply about helping people.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
Lucifer Morningstar As the story progresses, Lucifer begins to realize that there is more to life than just seeking pleasure and power. He starts to question his role in Hell and the impact of his actions on Earth. Through his interactions with humans and his personal relationships, he begins to understand the value of redemption and the power of forgiveness. Slowly, he starts to shed his selfish ways and embrace a more altruistic approach to life, culminating in his decision to give up his role as the Devil and become a force for good on Earth. Overall, Lucifer's character arc is well-executed, with a clear progression of his character from a hedonistic individual to a more selfless one. However, there are times when his character's motivations seem unclear, especially in the beginning. Additionally, his eventual redemption feels rushed and could have been given more space to develop naturally. To improve Lucifer's character arc, there could be more emphasis on his inner turmoil and the reasons behind his rebellion against his father. This would help make his eventual change feel more organic and less forced. Additionally, his relationships with other characters could be fleshed out more, giving more weight to his eventual redemption and decision to become a force for good on Earth.
Maze At the beginning of the film, Maze is portrayed as a seductive demon who urges Lucifer to consider the consequences of his actions. As the story progresses, Maze becomes more than just Lucifer's confidant and right-hand. She is presented as a character with her own journey. She is trying to find her place in the human world and wants to understand and experience human emotions. Though disapproving of Lucifer's behavior, she challenges him to think differently and shows him the way as he slowly becomes human. Maze starts to question Lucifer's newfound humanity, which leads to conflict between them. However, as the story progresses, Maze begins to understand and embrace Lucifer's human side and finally finds her own purpose in life by living alongside humans. The character arc for Maze is well-crafted, but it would have been better if her journey was given more screen time. Additionally, it would have been more compelling if we saw more of her emotional journey as she tries to understand and experience human emotions. To improve Maze's character arc, it would be better if her backstory was developed more. Additionally, it would have been more interesting if we see more of her emotional struggle as she learns to accept Lucifer's newfound humanity. Finally, incorporating a romantic storyline for Maze would have been intriguing. This would have allowed her to go through an emotional journey whilst finding her place in the human world.
Lucifer Lucifer starts off as a charismatic and manipulative character, primarily motivated by self-gratification. However, after the shooting and his interactions with Chloe, he begins to question his identity and emotions. He becomes torn between two identities - the devil he once was and the man he is becoming. He is driven by a desire for justice and starts to align himself with the LAPD to help solve cases and bring criminals to justice. He begins to show more interest in human emotions and connections, and starts to develop genuine feelings for Chloe. He struggles to understand his own emotions and the consequences of his actions, but ultimately decides to let go of his devil identity and fully embrace his humanity, sacrificing himself to save Chloe and ultimately redeeming himself. The character arc is well done, with Lucifer going through a journey of self-discovery and redemption. However, some of the deeper emotional moments could be explored more to fully flesh out the character's development. Additionally, there could be more consistency in his motivations throughout the movie. To improve the character arc, consider exploring some of the deeper emotional moments and conflicts in more detail to fully flesh out his journey. Additionally, ensure that his motivations are consistent throughout the movie and build upon each other to create a clear path towards redemption. Consider adding some more unpredictable and dramatic moments to keep the audience invested in the character's journey.
Chloe At the beginning of the film, Chloe is determined and focused on solving her case, but clashes with Lucifer and is unsure of how to handle him. As the story progresses, Chloe becomes more intrigued by Lucifer's abilities and begins to let her guard down, developing a complicated relationship with him. She also faces challenges in her personal life, including navigating her relationship with her ex-husband Dan and dealing with the aftermath of her past as an actress. By the end of the film, Chloe has learned to trust Lucifer and work together with him, and has also grown as a person by facing her personal challenges and becoming a more compassionate and vulnerable individual. The character arc for Chloe is well-developed and realistic, as she faces both professional and personal challenges and grows throughout the film. However, some of the descriptions of Chloe are repetitive and do not add much to her character, such as describing her as tough multiple times. Additionally, the interactions and development of Chloe's relationship with Lucifer could be more nuanced and believable. To improve Chloe's character arc, include more specific details about her past as an actress and how it affects her work as a detective. Emphasize the personal challenges she faces as a single mother and how they impact her job. Add more moments of vulnerability and emotional depth to her interactions with Lucifer and her ex-husband, and explore their relationships in more depth. Finally, avoid using repetitive descriptions and instead focus on highlighting unique aspects of Chloe's personality and story.

Here are different suggestions of loglines. (Alpha code)



A devilish nightclub owner in Los Angeles must confront his own desires and battle his brother while investigating the murder of a fallen pop star.
Lucifer Morningstar leaves Hell and finds himself in LA, running a luxurious nightclub and using his unique abilities to solve a murder case alongside an unlikely partner.
A charming devil faces off against his own identity and his brother's schemes while solving the murder of a pop star in Los Angeles.
In this darkly entertaining drama, the Devil himself must navigate LA's seedy underbelly and confront his own desires to uncover the truth behind a fallen pop star's murder.
Lucifer Morningstar may be the Devil, but he's also a nightclub owner in LA - and when he's not battling his brother, he's investigating a murder case with an unlikely partner, all while questioning his own identity and purpose in life.
Story structures and how the script fits them

Story Structure Framework 1: Hero's Journey

Step 1: The Ordinary World
Lucifer Morningstar is in his role as the Devil in Hell, having punished souls for eons, but feeling dissatisfied with his place in the universe.

Step 2: The Call to Adventure
Lucifer decides to leave Hell to come to Earth to "cause chaos."

Step 3: Refusal of the Call
There is no explicit refusal of the call, but his butler tries to intervene in Lucifer's self-destructive behavior.

Step 4: Meeting the Mentor
There is no specific mentor, but Lucifer converses with his brother, Amenadiel, and his friend, Maze, who try to remind him of his place in the universe.

Step 5: Crossing the Threshold
Lucifer arrives in Los Angeles and begins to explore his new surroundings.

Step 6: Tests, Allies, and Enemies
Lucifer makes friends with Delilah and is attacked with her in a drive-by shooting. He also confronts Lt. Dan and Chloe about the case, investigating Delilah's death.

Step 7: Approach to the Inmost Cave
Lucifer becomes more and more emotionally invested in the case as he works with Chloe to investigate and solve Delilah's murder.

Step 8: Ordeal
Lucifer and Chloe confront Jimmy Barnes, a potential suspect in Delilah's murder, and are both shot.

Step 9: Reward (Seizing the Sword)
Lucifer manages to protect Chloe during the shooting and takes brutal revenge on Jimmy Barnes. They are able to solve Delilah's murder and bring her killer to justice.

Step 10: The Road Back
Lucifer struggles to hide his feelings for Chloe and reflects on his identity and the division between higher crime status officials and law enforcement officials.

Step 11: Resurrection
Lucifer confronts his brother, Amenadiel, and Maze about his newfound humanity, leading to an existential crisis.

Step 12: Return with the Elixir
Lucifer meets with Dr. Linda to discuss his crisis and returns to his life, newly aware of his place in the universe.

Reference: The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler.

Analysis/Critique: While the story follows some of the basic steps of the Hero's Journey, it lacks some key elements, such as a clear mentor figure and a more distinct refusal of the call. Additionally, while the shooting in the middle of the story can qualify as the ordeal, it's not clear how this experience specifically changes Lucifer, other than in his emotional attachment to Chloe. The structure could be improved by adding more concrete elements to each stage of the journey and making sure they are closely related to Lucifer's character arc.

Story Structure Framework 2: Save the Cat

Opening Image: Lucifer Morningstar is in his role as the Devil in Hell, punishing souls.

Theme Stated: Lucifer is unsatisfied with his role and wants a change.

Set-up: Lucifer travels to Los Angeles to "cause chaos" and starts living in a luxurious penthouse. He meets his butler and friend, Maze, and begins to explore his new surroundings, including his bar, Lux.

Catalyst: Lucifer gets pulled over for speeding by Officer Diggs and bribes him, showing his devil-may-care attitude. He later learns that his friend from Hell, Amenadiel, wants him to return to Hell, leading to a confrontation about his inherent evil and the power his father holds over him.

Debate: Lucifer runs into a former client, Delilah, who is unhappy with her life. He encourages her to take control of her life but is later attacked with her in a drive-by shooting. He becomes emotionally invested in the case and confronts Lt. Dan and Chloe about the investigation, questioning his identity and morality.

Break into Two: Lucifer and Chloe clash as they discuss the case, and Lucifer struggles to control his emotions over Delilah's death.

Fun and Games: Lucifer spends time exploring his new surroundings and uses his powers to help Chloe in the investigation. He also has entertaining conversations with her, Dan, and Trixie.

Midpoint: Lucifer becomes more emotionally involved in the case and learns that Delilah had an affair with a wealthy, married man. He questions his own desires and morality.

Bad Guys Close In: Lucifer and Chloe confront Jimmy Barnes, a potential suspect in Delilah's murder, and are both shot. Lucifer takes brutal revenge on Jimmy in the aftermath.

All is Lost: Chloe is shot and Lucifer struggles to hide his feelings about her and her family.

Dark Night of the Soul: Lucifer confronts his brother, Amenadiel, and Maze about his identity crisis and newfound humanity.

Break into Three: Lucifer meets with Dr. Linda to discuss his crisis and returns to his life, newly aware of his place in the universe.

Finale: Lucifer and Chloe solve Delilah's murder and bring her killer to justice. Lucifer reflects on his experience and what he has learned.

Final Image: Lucifer leaves his penthouse, ready to continue his life in Los Angeles.

Reference: Save the Cat by Blake Snyder.

Story Structure Framework 3: Three-Act Structure

Act I: Lucifer Morningstar, the Devil himself, is dissatisfied with his role in Hell and decides to leave for Los Angeles to "cause chaos." He arrives and starts living

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
Tone and Emotional ImpactThere is a strong correlation between the tone of a scene and its emotional impact. Scenes with dark or intense tones tend to have high emotional impact scores.
Dialogue and Character ChangesScenes with strong dialogue tend to have a greater impact on character changes. This suggests that dialogue is an effective tool for developing characters throughout the story.
Plot and High StakesScenes with high stakes tend to have better scores for concept and plot. This indicates that a strong sense of urgency or danger can be effective in advancing the narrative.
Tone and ConflictThere is a correlation between tone and conflict, with darker tones often associated with higher levels of conflict. This suggests that darker or more intense scenes may be more likely to drive the story forward.
Character Changes and Emotional ImpactScenes with strong emotional impact tend to also have significant character changes. This implies that emotional moments can be pivotal in transforming characters throughout the story.


Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
Devil in the CityLucifer, the Devil, arrives in Los Angeles and chooses to live among humans.The trope of the Devil coming to earth or living among humans can be seen in various TV shows and movies, such as 'Supernatural', 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', and 'Good Omens'.
Witty BanterLucifer and Officer Diggs engage in a mischievous conversation during a routine traffic stop.Witty banter, characterized by quick and clever wordplay, is a common trope in TV shows and movies. Examples include 'Gilmore Girls', 'The West Wing', and 'The Avengers'.
Inner DemonsLucifer confronts his inner demons while Maze tries to remind him of his place in the universe.The trope of inner demons refers to a character's struggle with their own personal issues or flaws. It can be seen in many TV shows, including 'Breaking Bad', 'Dexter', and 'Bojack Horseman'.
Drive-by ShootingDelilah and Lucifer are attacked in a drive-by near Lux.Drive-by shootings, characterized by sudden and violent attacks by unknown assailants, are a common trope in crime dramas and action movies. Examples include 'The Sopranos', 'The Godfather', and 'Pulp Fiction'.
Police ProceduralChloe and Lucifer investigate Delilah's murder and follow leads that ultimately lead to the killer's arrest.Police procedurals are a subgenre of crime dramas that focus on the investigative process and procedures of policing. Examples include 'CSI', 'Law and Order', and 'Mindhunter'.
Odd CoupleLucifer and Chloe have clashing personalities and different approaches to investigating Delilah's murder.The trope of the odd couple refers to characters with vastly different personalities and approaches to life being forced to work together. Examples include 'The X-Files', 'Fargo', and 'The Good Cop'.
Charm PersonLucifer tries to charm Chloe and the therapist to reveal information about Delilah's murder.The trope of charm person refers to a character using their charisma or powers of persuasion to get what they want. It can be seen in various TV shows and movies, including 'Supernatural', 'Harry Potter', and 'Gone with the Wind'.
Car ChaseLucifer and Chloe navigate a chaotic film set during a car chase while investigating Delilah's murder.Car chases, characterized by fast and exciting pursuits in vehicles, are a common trope in action movies and crime dramas. Examples include 'The Bourne Identity', 'Fast and Furious', and 'Baby Driver'.
Double AgentAmanda reveals her own affair with Grey's bodyguard during the interrogation, revealing her to be a double agent.The trope of the double agent refers to a character who pretends to be on one side while secretly working for another. It can be seen in various TV shows and movies, including 'Homeland', 'Mission Impossible', and 'The Departed'.
Protective InstinctLucifer protects Chloe during the shootout with Jimmy Barnes.Protective instinct is a common trope in movies and TV shows, where a character goes to great lengths to protect someone they care about. Examples include 'Die Hard', 'The Bodyguard', and 'Taken'.
Existential CrisisLucifer visits Dr. Linda to discuss his existential crisis.The trope of the existential crisis refers to a character questioning their own existence and the meaning of life. It can be seen in various TV shows and movies, including 'The Sopranos', 'Mad Men', and 'Lost'.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Identity and PurposeLucifer's dissatisfaction with his role as the Devil and his search for a new identity on Earth.This theme explores the inner struggle of the main character as he questions his purpose in life and grapples with his identity. It shows his journey towards self-discovery and fulfillment.
Power and ControlLucifer's struggle with his father's power over him and his desire for control in his life.This theme explores the balance between power and control in life and how it affects one's personal and professional relationships. It also highlights the desire for control over one's own life and destiny.
RedemptionLucifer's inner struggle to come to terms with his inherent evil and his journey towards redemption.This theme explores the possibility of redemption and the ability of individuals to change for the better. It also shows the difficulties of reckoning with one's own past actions and the negative consequences they may have had.
Investigation and JusticeThe investigation into the murder of Delilah and the pursuit of justice for her death.This theme explores the idea of justice and the lengths that individuals will go to in order to ensure that justice is served. It highlights the importance of investigations and law enforcement in maintaining order and ensuring that justice is served.
Relationships and ConflictThe relationships between characters and the conflicts that arise from their differing perspectives and goals.This theme explores the dynamics of relationships and how they can be shaped by conflict and differences. It highlights the importance of communication and understanding in maintaining healthy relationships.
Humanity and EmpathyLucifer's exploration of his own humanity and his growing empathy towards others.This theme explores the concept of humanity and the importance of empathy towards others. It highlights the potential for growth and understanding through self-reflection and introspection.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by quick, witty, and playful dialogue, with sharp banter and sarcasm. The narrative descriptions are concise and vivid, emphasizing the supernatural and dark elements of the story. The scene direction is effective in creating a fast-paced and intense mood.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a unique tone that is both playful and unsettling. The quick and witty dialogue adds humor and depth to the characters, while the vivid scene descriptions and direction enhance the mood and atmosphere of the screenplay. The writer's voice also explores themes of identity, redemption, and morality, which adds depth and complexity to the story.
Best Representation Scene 1 - Arrival in LA
Best Scene Explanation This scene is the best representation because it showcases the writer's quick, witty dialogue, strong characterizations, and vivid scene descriptions. The juxtaposition of humor with darkness and supernatural elements creates a unique tone that is both playful and unsettling, setting the mood and themes for the rest of the screenplay.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 7
  • Overall originality explanation: The show explores philosophical themes and blends supernatural and crime elements in a fresh and original way. The portrayal of the Devil as a sympathetic and witty protagonist is also a unique take on a well-known character.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are: Lucifer's dissatisfaction with his role in Hell and his decision to cause chaos on Earth, the exploration of morality and philosophical concepts, the use of supernatural elements in a crime drama, and the depiction of a sympathetic Devil as the protagonist.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsLucifer's internal goal is to confront his own identity and purpose as the Devil, and to challenge his beliefs and values as the ruler of Hell.
External Goals Lucifer's external goal is to navigate the challenges and conflicts in the cases he investigates, particularly the murder of Delilah and his ongoing quest to find justice and truth.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict is between Lucifer's beliefs in free will, personal freedom, and challenging authority, and the opposing beliefs in predestination, obeying divine plans, and following the rules and social norms.


Character Development Contribution: The internal goals and philosophical conflict contribute to Lucifer's development by challenging his beliefs and values, causing him to question his identity and purpose, and ultimately leading to his growth and transformation throughout the script.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The internal and external goals of the protagonist contribute to the narrative structure by creating conflicts, tension, and obstacles that drive the plot forward and provide a clear trajectory for Lucifer's journey. The philosophical conflict adds depth and complexity to the narrative, creating thematic layers and exploring existential questions.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The internal and external goals, as well as the overarching philosophical conflict, contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring themes of identity, morality, free will, rebellion, justice, and the nature of good and evil. These elements deepen the exploration of human nature and challenge societal norms and beliefs.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The world depicted in the script is a mix of contemporary Los Angeles and various settings within the city, including a seedy nightclub, a luxurious penthouse, a police car, recording studios, a hospital, a downtown street, a therapist's office, a film set, and an elementary school. The physical characteristics of these locations vary, ranging from gritty and dangerous to glamorous and extravagant.
  • Culture: The cultural elements depicted in the script include the diverse social strata of Los Angeles, the hedonism and debauchery of the nightclub scene, the extravagant display of wealth and status in high society, the presence of crime and bullying, and the interactions and dynamics between characters from different backgrounds.
  • Society: The societal structures present in the script revolve around law enforcement, the entertainment industry, high society, and the education system. These structures shape the relationships and power dynamics between characters, and contribute to the atmosphere and conflicts in the narrative.
  • Technology: The technological aspects in the script are mainly represented through the use of various settings and tools, such as vintage sports cars, smartphones, recording equipment, video monitors, handcuffs, and fake social media accounts. These elements add depth to the world and contribute to the authenticity of the story.
  • Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology in the script shape the characters' experiences and actions in several ways. The seedy nightclub and luxurious penthouse reflect Lucifer's indulgent lifestyle and his disdain for humanity. The diverse social strata in Los Angeles and the societal structures of law enforcement and the entertainment industry influence interactions and conflicts between characters. The presence of crime, bullying, and supernatural beings like Lucifer and Amenadiel contribute to the challenges and dilemmas faced by the characters. The use of technology and tools like smartphones and recording equipment enables characters to gather information and exert control in their investigations.
  • Narrative contribution: The world elements in the script contribute to the narrative by establishing the atmosphere, conflicts, and challenges faced by the characters. The physical environments, such as the nightclub, streets of Los Angeles, and various settings, create a sense of realism and immersion. The cultural elements, such as hedonism, crime, bullying, and high society, add layers of complexity to the plot and character development. The societal structures, such as law enforcement and the entertainment industry, shape the power dynamics and motivations of characters. The presence of technology and tools helps drive the investigation and adds layers of intrigue to the story.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in the script contribute to the thematic depth by exploring themes of morality, identity, power, and redemption. The contrasting physical environments reflect the duality of Lucifer's character and his internal struggle. The cultural elements highlight the consequences of choices and actions, and the societal structures depict the influence of power and status on individuals. The technological aspects reflect the role of information and control in the characters' journeys of self-discovery and growth. Overall, the world elements enhance the narrative and thematic depth of the screenplay.
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Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
2Lucifer: If it’s getting too loud, you’re gettin’ too old.
7Maze: You exist to punish and torture for a universal reason. Certainly not for a petty human emotion such as love.
11Lucifer: Tell me, Detective. What do you desire more than anything in this life?
15Chloe: Are you at all aware of how dickish you sound?
22Lucifer: Here’s the deal. We can have as much naked cuddle time as you desire. But I need you to listen to me too. I have a few things I’d like to discuss with you. An existential dilemma or two. Deal?
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