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Scene 1 - Lucifer's Night at Lux

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

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LUCIFER(
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“Pilot”

Written by
Tom Kapinos

Directed by
Len Wiseman

Production Draft
3/3/15 WHITE
3/9/15 FULL BLUE
3/11/15 FULL PINK
3/12/15 YELLOW
3/14/15 FULL GREEN
3/15/15 GOLD 34,35,36,37
3/16/15 BUFF 56
3/17/15 SALMON 56,56A
3/18/15 CHERRY ii,iii,iv,v,vi,1,11,17,35,35A,37,47,52,55,56,56A,57
3/19/15 GRAY 6,6A,12,13,28,30,36,37,38,38A,54
3/21/15 LAVENDER ii,iii,4,8,9,13,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,49,50,50A,51

CHARGE#276096
WARNER BROS. ENTERTAINMENT
4000 WARNER BLVD.
BURBANK, CA 91522

© 2015 WARNER BROS. ENTERTAINMENT INC. THIS SCRIPT IS THE PROPERTY OF WARNER
BROS. ENTERTAINMENT INC. NO PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED,
REPRODUCED OR USED BY ANY MEANS, OR DISCLOSED TO, QUOTED OR PUBLISHED IN ANY
MEDIUM WITHOUT THE PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT OF WARNER BROS. ENTERTAINMENT INC.
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 ii.

LUCIFER

"Pilot"

CAST

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR
CHLOE DANCER
MAZIKEEN a.k.a. "MAZE"
AMENADIEL
BEATRICE "TRIXIE" ESPINOZA
DANIEL ESPINOZA

OFFICER DIGGS
DELILAH
SHOOTER
JIMMY BARNES
SUPERMODEL BRIDE
WHITE ENGLISH BUTLER
2VILE
CREW 1
DR. LINDA MARTIN
GREY COOPER
AMANDA BELLO

UNIFORM #1
PRIEST
TRAFFIC COP
A.D.
TV NEWS REPORTER (TALKING ABOUT DELILAH'S POST-MORTEM SALES)

NON-SPEAKING

HOLLYWOOD HIPSTERS OUTSIDE LUX
LUX PATRONS
DELILAH'S TAXI DRIVER
ROOKIE UNIFORMS AND CORONER OUTSIDE LUX (POST-SHOOTING)
MALIBU WEDDING GUESTS
2VILE'S CREW
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENTS
MILFY MOM
MEAN GIRL
GROUP OF ONLOOKERS AT MOVIE SHOOT
MOVIE CREW
UNIFORMS AT MOVIE SET
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 iii.

NON-SPEAKING (CONT'D)

GREY'S STUNT DOUBLE
AMANDA'S BLACK SUV DRIVER
BOBBY THE BODYGUARD
VIGIL FOR DELILAH OUTSIDE LUX
YOUNG BOY BAND
MIXERS AND TECHS AT STUDIO
JUSTIN BIEBER-Y KID
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 iv.

LUCIFER

"Pilot"

SETS

INTERIORS

LOCATION: LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA

LUX

2VILE'S PLACE

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

THERAPIST'S OFFICE
WAITING ROOM

RECORDING STUDIO

HOSPITAL ROOM

VEHICLES

LUCIFER'S CAR

OFFICER DIGG'S COP CAR

DELILAH'S TAXI

PIECE OF SHIT CAR (DRIVEN BY SHOOTER)

CITY BUS

CORONER'S VAN

EMERGENCY VEHICLES

LAPD SQUAD CARS

CHLOE'S POLICE CAR

BLACK SUV (DRIVING AMANDA)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 v.

EXTERIORS

LOCATION: LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA

SUNSET BLVD.

LUX
STREET

MALIBU WEDDING SITE

2VILE'S PLACE

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
STREET

DOWNTOWN
INDUSTRIAL AREA
STREET
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 vi.

CHRONOLOGY

NIGHT 1 SCENES 1-12
DAY 2 SCENES 13-25
NIGHT 2 SCENES 26-28
DAY 3 SCENES 29
NIGHT 3 SCENES 30-31
DAY 4 SCENES 32
LUCIFER
“Pilot”

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Crime"]

Summary In a vibrant Los Angeles nightclub called Lux, Lucifer Morningstar, the former ruler of Hell, embraces earthly pleasures and showcases his charm as he interacts with patrons. The scene highlights his charismatic personality and hints at his internal struggle with identity and purpose after leaving Hell. Amidst the lively atmosphere, filled with flashing lights and dancing, Lucifer's playful and seductive demeanor captivates those around him, setting the stage for the adventures and challenges that await.

Strengths

Strong character development
Engaging dialogue
Intriguing premise

Weaknesses

Lack of strong emotional impact
Moderate stakes

Critique

The opening scene effectively introduces Lucifer Morningstar's character, showcasing his charm and charisma as he revels in the pleasures of life in Los Angeles. However, it lacks a clear conflict or tension that would engage the audience more deeply from the start.
The dialogue is witty and showcases Lucifer's personality well, but it could benefit from moments of vulnerability or introspection to hint at his deeper struggles, making him more relatable.
The setting of Lux is visually rich, but the scene could incorporate more sensory details to immerse the audience in the atmosphere, such as the sounds, smells, and sights of the nightclub.
While the scene establishes Lucifer's enjoyment of earthly pleasures, it does not hint strongly enough at his motivations for abandoning Hell, which could create a stronger emotional hook for the audience.
The pacing of the scene is relatively steady, but it could be enhanced by introducing a dynamic element, such as a sudden interruption or unexpected event that forces Lucifer to confront something about his past or his decision to stay on Earth.
The introduction of secondary characters, such as patrons in the nightclub, feels a bit superficial. Developing these interactions could add depth to Lucifer's character and showcase how he navigates relationships with others.

Suggestions

Introduce a minor conflict or challenge that Lucifer faces in the nightclub, such as a confrontation with a disgruntled patron or an unexpected visit from someone from his past, to create immediate tension.
Include a brief internal monologue or reflective moment for Lucifer that hints at his struggles with his identity and the consequences of abandoning his throne, providing a deeper emotional layer.
Enhance the sensory details of the nightclub environment by describing the music, lighting, and atmosphere more vividly to draw the audience into the scene.
Consider adding a moment where Lucifer interacts with a character who challenges his carefree demeanor, prompting him to reveal more about his internal conflicts and motivations.
Experiment with the pacing by incorporating a sudden event, like an unexpected fight breaking out or an emergency situation, to create urgency and engage the audience more effectively.

Scene 2 - Temptation on Sunset Boulevard

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

1 EXT. CITY OF ANGELS - SUNSET BLVD - NIGHT (NIGHT ONE) 1 *

A jet-black vintage sports car sails down Sunset, cruising
through the adult Disneyland that is nighttime Los Angeles.
Neon and billboards reflected on the windshield. The Stones’
“Gimme Shelter” blasting from the radio.

2 INT. LUCIFER’S CAR - CONTINUOUS 2 *

The Devil himself. Say hello to LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR.

He’s good-looking, a man of considerable wealth and taste,
but that’s not what makes him jump off the screen. It’s his
vibe. Pure lusty mischief. Sardonic smile. Timeless style.

And yes...

He’s that Lucifer. The son of God. The one who rebelled,
plotted against his father and plummeted from grace. The one
who was banished from Paradise and forced to serve as the
Lord of Hell for all eternity.

But right now, Lucifer’s getting pulled over for speeding. A
motorcycle cop. Lucifer adjusts his mirror to see OFFICER
DIGGS approaching the car, he yells over the MUSIC.

OFFICER DIGGS
CAN YOU TURN DOWN THE MUSIC, SIR?!

Lucifer TURNS DOWN THE VOLUME.

LUCIFER
You know what they say, Officer...
If it’s getting too loud, you’re
gettin’ too old.

OFFICER DIGGS
Do you know why I pulled you over?

LUCIFER
Obviously you felt the need to
exercise your limited power and
punish me for ignoring the speed
limit. It’s okay. I understand.
(smiles)
I like to punish people too.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 2.
2 CONTINUED: 2
LUCIFER (CONT'D)
(a wistful aside)
Or at least I used to...

OFFICER DIGGS
Do you have any idea how fast you
were going?

LUCIFER
Haven’t a clue. I blame it on the
Stones. They just make a man wanna
drive, ya’ know what I mean?

And Lucifer has now locked eyes with the officer, A poignant
beat. The cop pauses for a moment, thoughtful.

OFFICER DIGGS
Sometimes... I put my siren on, and
drive really fast for no reason at
all. Just ‘cause I can.

LUCIFER
Right?! And why wouldn’t you? It’s
fun! Feels good to get away with
something, doesn’t it?

Diggs smiles. Chuckles. Yes...it...does. But then he catches
himself -- not sure why he just shared his secret desires
with a complete stranger.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
It’s okay, Officer. People like to
tell me things. Those deep, dark,
naughty little desires that’re
really on their minds. It's a gift.
Must be something about this face.

OFFICER DIGGS
(all biz now)
License and registration.

LUCIFER
Coming right up...

Lucifer fishes a hundred out of his wallet, proffers it...

OFFICER DIGGS
Are you trying to bribe me, sir?

LUCIFER
Yes, of course. Why, is that not
enough? Here, take more, it’s only
money.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 3.
2 CONTINUED: (2) 2

OFFICER DIGGS
It’s against the law, sir.

LUCIFER
You people are funny about your
laws. You break the law sometimes,
don’t you?

The officer nods. It’s almost involuntary.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Do tell.

OFFICER DIGGS
Sometimes I’ll pull a woman over
for a minor infraction and get her
to flash me a little somethin’.

LUCIFER
You dirty dog you...

OFFICER DIGGS
Sometimes I let her off with a
warning. Sometimes I don’t.
Sometimes other stuff happens...

LUCIFER
(shakes his head)
LA’s finest...
(nods at the cash)
You’re tempted to keep that, aren’t
you?
(off the cop’s nod)
So what are you waiting for?
Permission? Keep it! Buy yourself
something pretty. You deserve it.
But if you don’t mind, I really
must be on my way...

The officer takes the money and puts it in his pocket.

OFFICER DIGGS
Okay, sir, you have a nice evening.

LUCIFER
You too, Officer.

Officer Diggs walks away. Lucifer readjusts his mirror, but
this time we see a flash of something strange; a glimpse of
Lucifer's true reflection; almost too fast to even
comprehend, but enough to unsettle us as --

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 4.
2 CONTINUED: (3) 2

Lucifer dimes the radio and ROARS off -- leaving one very
dazed cop in his wake. As he goes, we see the Caddy’s rear
vanity plate, which reads: “FALL1N 1.” *

SMASH TO BLACK

TITLE CARD: LUCIFER

3 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT 3

Lucifer pulls up in front of his bar, Lux. It doesn’t look
like much from the outside, but there’s a long line of
HOLLYWOOD HIPSTERS dying to get in.

Genres: ["Fantasy","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Lucifer Morningstar, the Devil, is pulled over for speeding by Officer Diggs while driving his vintage sports car down Sunset Boulevard. Using his charm and wit, Lucifer manipulates the officer into accepting a bribe to avoid a ticket. Their interaction reveals both characters' misdeeds, leading to a moment of camaraderie before Lucifer drives off, leaving Officer Diggs dazed and tempted.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Charismatic characters
Intriguing premise

Weaknesses

Lack of significant character development
Low stakes

Critique

The scene effectively establishes Lucifer's character through his charm and wit, showcasing his ability to manipulate those around him. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while Lucifer's lines are clever, they sometimes feel too on-the-nose, lacking the layers that would make the interaction more engaging.
The interaction between Lucifer and Officer Diggs is entertaining, but it could be enhanced by giving Officer Diggs more depth. As it stands, he comes off as somewhat one-dimensional, merely a foil for Lucifer's charm. A hint of complexity in his character, perhaps a personal struggle or conflict, would make the exchange more compelling.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the initial tension of the traffic stop to the camaraderie feels abrupt. A few more beats of tension or hesitation from Officer Diggs could heighten the stakes and make the eventual bribery feel more impactful.
While the scene is visually rich with descriptions of the setting and Lucifer's car, it could benefit from more sensory details that immerse the audience further into the atmosphere of Los Angeles at night. This would enhance the overall mood and make the scene more vivid.
The reveal of Lucifer's true reflection at the end is a strong visual element, but it feels a bit rushed. Expanding on this moment with more internal conflict or a brief flashback could deepen the audience's understanding of Lucifer's character and the weight of his past.

Suggestions

Consider adding a line or two that hints at Officer Diggs's own struggles or moral dilemmas, making him a more relatable character and enhancing the interaction with Lucifer.
Introduce a moment of hesitation or conflict from Officer Diggs before he accepts the bribe, which would create a more dynamic tension and make the scene feel less predictable.
Incorporate more sensory descriptions of the environment, such as the sounds of the city, the feel of the night air, or the sights around them, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Expand on the moment when Lucifer's true reflection is shown, perhaps by including a brief flashback or internal monologue that illustrates his internal conflict, making this moment resonate more deeply.
Consider tightening the dialogue to make it snappier and more layered, allowing for subtext that can engage the audience's imagination and encourage them to read between the lines.

Scene 3 - Standoff at Lux

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

4 INT. LUX - CONTINUOUS 4

A little bit of Hell on earth. A living, breathing tribute to
Lucifer’s favorite things -- wine, women and song. Lucifer
glides through... soaking up the sights and sounds of elegant
debauchery like a proud, modern-day Gatsby.

His eyes land on the exotic, dark-haired beauty tending bar
over yonder. MAZIKEEN. But she’s always been just MAZE to
Lucifer. She leans seductively with her back against the bar,
doesn’t turn around as Lucifer approaches... speaks to him
via a mirror...

MAZE
Where’ve you been?

LUCIFER
Holed up at the Chateau. Copulating
with a woman named Faith. Ironic,
isn’t it?

Maze shakes her head, disgusted. As she does, we catch an
unclear glimpse of her reflection in the bar mirror. A blur
of almost serpentine deformity. But it would be weird if Maze
was just your garden variety gal, wouldn’t it?

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Have I ever told you how incredibly
sexy you are when you can’t control
your emotions?

MAZE
And what emotions might those be?

LUCIFER
Why, jealousy, of course.

MAZE
Try disappointment.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 5.
4 CONTINUED: 4

A young man suddenly rises from where he’d been kneeling in
front of Maze. Lucifer’s eyebrows go up: didn’t see that
comin’. Maze grins at him:

MAZE (CONT’D)
Thank you, Patrick. You can go.

She finally turns to face Lucifer, smiles and shrugs.

MAZE (CONT’D)
What? I dropped something.
(off Lucifer’s grin/shrug)
Now. Lucifer. I’m a big fan of sex--

LUCIFER
--obviously--

MAZE
But shouldn’t you be spending your
valuable time doing something
more... significant. You’re the
Lord of Hell, for cryin-out-loud.

LUCIFER
I’m retired, Maze. I’ve got nothing
but time.

Maze stares at him for a beat. Then senses something. As does
Lucifer. A ripple in the drink she just poured. Time slows.
Music and laughter become warped and haunted as everyone in
the club slows... except Lucifer and Maze, who share a look.

MAZE
I think you have a visitor.

Through the SLOW-MOTION crowd, Lucifer sees AMENADIEL. The
man is a study in grim intensity. He’s Lucifer’s brother AND
AN ANGEL. Yep, majestic wings and everything. But Amenadiel’s
also a badass. Last thing he radiates is angelic goodness.

LUCIFER
Amenadiel! How’s it hanging, big
guy? Didn’t you see the sign? “No
angels allowed”? No? I’ll make an
exception for you -- on the house.

Lucifer slides over a drink, which Amenadiel ignores.

AMENADIEL
(takin in Lux)
You’ve become quite ensconced with
this little hobby of yours...
(off Lucifer’s nod of thanks)
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 6.
4 CONTINUED: (2) 4
AMENADIEL (CONT'D)
Your return to The Underworld has
been... requested. *

LUCIFER
Oh, okay, let me check my calendar.
Yep, here it is. The seventh of
Never through the fifteenth of
Ain’t Gonna Happen? How’s that work
for you guys?

Amenadiel just stares at him... grim, not amused.

LUCIFER (CONT'D)
I’m consistently surprised by the
whole no sense of humor thing.
(then)
Look, remind Dad I quit Hell
because I was sick and tired of
playing a part in his play. I
believe in free will, not that
tyranny of all his predestination
hoo-ha.

AMENADIEL
I’ll warn you against disrespecting
Our Father.

LUCIFER
Yeah well, Our Father’s been
disrespecting me since the
beginning of time so... pot/kettle.
Don’t you think?

AMENADIEL
You are a mockery of everything
divine.

LUCIFER
Thank you! But lately I’ve been
doing a fair amount of thinking. Do
you think I’m the devil because I’m
inherently evil or simply because
dear ol’ Dad decided I was? Isn’t *
this a classic case of labeling? *

AMENADIEL *
What do you think happens when the *
Devil leaves Hell? All those *
demons, those tormented souls... *
where do they go? *

LUCIFER *
Don’t know, don’t care, not my *
problem. *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 6A.
4 CONTINUED: (3) 4

More staring from Amenadiel. Lucifer downs his brother’s
drink, then locks eyes with Amenadiel... cold as ice now... *

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
(pointed)
Tell Father, I’m not. Going. Back.
(a slight smile)
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 7.
4 CONTINUED: (3) 4
LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Consider the position officially
open. So you, my feathered friend,
can go to hell.

In a blink, Amenadiel's wing-tip is at Lucifer's throat.
Ancient steel fused at its tips. Lucifer’s glass falls,
shatters... but he doesn't flinch.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Go for it. You think Father's upset
now...

Amenadiel wants to kill him. Badly. But Lucifer knows his
Father won't let him die, at least he's willing to test it.

AMENADIEL
He has been patient five years. He
will not be merciful much longer.

Threat planted, Amenadiel withdraws, and exits... and the
club now slips back into regular motion. Lucifer only now
deflates. Amenadiel clearly rattles him.

Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama","Supernatural"]

Summary In the vibrant bar Lux, Lucifer engages in playful banter with Maze, the bartender, while avoiding his responsibilities in Hell. His brother Amenadiel confronts him, demanding his return to the Underworld, leading to a heated exchange about free will and divine authority. The tension escalates into a physical threat, but Lucifer defiantly refuses to go back, leaving the scene unresolved as Amenadiel withdraws his threat, leaving Lucifer visibly shaken amidst the lively atmosphere of the club.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Dynamic character interactions
Engaging conflict
Exploration of complex themes

Weaknesses

Some may find the supernatural elements confusing or overwhelming

Critique

The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Lucifer and Maze, showcasing their playful yet tense relationship. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose at times, especially in the way they express their feelings about each other. While it's clear that Maze is disappointed in Lucifer, a more subtle approach to conveying their emotions could enhance the scene's depth.
The introduction of Amenadiel is impactful, but the transition from the playful banter with Maze to the serious confrontation with Amenadiel could be smoother. The shift in tone is abrupt, and it might benefit from a moment of tension-building or a visual cue that signals the change in atmosphere.
Lucifer's defiance and charm are well portrayed, but the stakes of his refusal to return to Hell could be made clearer. Although he mentions the consequences of his actions, the scene could benefit from more explicit stakes that highlight the impact of his choices on both himself and the world around him.
The visual elements, such as the slow-motion effect when Maze senses Amenadiel's presence, is a creative choice that adds a dramatic flair. However, it may come across as slightly gimmicky if not executed with care. Ensuring that this visual technique serves the narrative rather than distracts from it will be important.
The dialogue is sharp and witty, which aligns with the characters' established personalities. Nevertheless, some exchanges feel overly expository, particularly when discussing Lucifer's views on free will and divine authority. Finding a balance between exposition and organic conversation will enhance the authenticity of the dialogue.

Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Lucifer and Maze. Instead of directly addressing emotions like jealousy or disappointment, allow their interactions to hint at these feelings through actions or less explicit remarks.
Introduce a more gradual transition into Amenadiel's arrival to build tension. Perhaps have Lucifer notice something is off before Amenadiel appears, creating a sense of foreboding that prepares the audience for the shift in tone.
Clarify the stakes of Lucifer's refusal to return to Hell. Perhaps include a brief flashback or a visual cue that hints at the chaos left behind in Hell due to his absence, thereby raising the urgency of Amenadiel's request.
Ensure the slow-motion effect is used judiciously. Consider incorporating sound design elements that complement the visual, enhancing the feeling of tension and anticipation as Amenadiel approaches.
Revise some of the more expository dialogue to feel more natural. You could have characters express their thoughts through metaphor or analogy, making the conversation feel less like a lecture and more like a genuine exchange.

Scene 4 - A Fallen Star's Redemption

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

5 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT 5

Lucifer stands outside, spinning A COIN in his hand, still
thinking about his conversation with Amenadiel... when A TAXI *
slows to a stop in front of Lux. The rear window rolls down.
A beautiful, hot mess appears. This is DELILAH.

Delilah is a fallen-from-grace pop star. The crowd waiting in
line reacts like crowds do when confronted with a super
famous person, tragic or not. Oohs and ahhs and iPhones
galore. But Delilah only has eyes for Lucifer.

DELILAH
Remember me...?

Lucifer smiles... of course he does, but teases...

LUCIFER
Yes... you’re famous. Delilah,
isn’t it? Can I have your
autograph?

DELILAH
If I can have a drink.

6 INT. LUX - NIGHT 6

Lucifer and Delilah sit at a booth. Maze hovers in the BG.

LUCIFER
Why’d you come back?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 8.
6 CONTINUED: 6

DELILAH
Feel safe here, I guess. Reminds me *
of how it was before everything got *
so big and messy. And you...
sometimes I feel like you were the
only one who was ever really honest
with me. But... I need to know
something.

LUCIFER
What’s that?

DELILAH
Did I sell my soul to the Devil?

LUCIFER
That would imply the Devil is
actually interested in your soul.
That’s the stuff of movies and TV.
They always get it wrong.

DELILAH
Come on, you took me in off the
street, let me sing up there
anytime I wanted. I told you I
wanted to be a star and that’s when
things started happening for me.
And you do call yourself Lucifer.

LUCIFER
Call me whatever you want, but I’m
really just a patron of the arts.
(softens)
Honestly, I introduced you to a few
key people who owed me favors. That’s
all.

She leans in, serious and vulnerable now... like a lost kid. *

DELILAH
Do you think I’m talented?

LUCIFER
Of course. You have one of the most
beautiful voices I’ve ever heard.
It’s sweet, dirty, sexy, soulful...
I knew you were a star, I just
helped the world catch up.

DELILAH
Well, it certainly feels very
Faustian at times. Because along
with the good came a hell of a lot
of bad.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 9.
6 CONTINUED: (2) 6

LUCIFER
Oh, so the Devil made you do it?
The alcohol, the drugs, the topless
selfies? Your choices are on you,
my dear.

DELILAH
You’re right. You’re absolutely
right. But the toxic relationships
were my biggest screw-up. God, I
really do have the worst taste in
men...

LUCIFER
You really do, darling. Jimmy
Barnes? I can’t believe you almost
married that sweaty little imp...

DELILAH
He produced my album! You
introduced us!

LUCIFER
I suggested you work with him --
not sleep with him.

DELILAH
I got confused!

LUCIFER
And then you left him at the altar.

DELILAH
Yeah, that was pretty rude of me.
He trapped me in the bathroom at
the Grammys a month ago. Cried.
Said he wanted to get back
together. Then I hear he’s marrying
some supermodel this weekend.
(laughs/almost crying) *
God, I’m such a mess.

LUCIFER
God has nothing to do with your
mess anymore than I do.
(a beat)
You didn’t sell your soul, Delilah,
but you do owe me a favor. Looks
like it’s time to settle up.

DELILAH
(kidding but not)
I’m scared...

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 10.
6 CONTINUED: (3) 6

LUCIFER
You should be. Because what I’m
about to ask is going to be quite
difficult for you.
(then)
Pull yourself together. That’s it.
That’s all I’m asking. Get it
together before it’s too late.
You’re wasting your talent. Your
life.

DELILAH
(fighting tears)
I let you down.

LUCIFER
Then fix it.

Off Delilah, a glimmer of hope in her eyes...

7 OMIT 7

Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary Outside Lux, Lucifer encounters Delilah, a fallen pop star grappling with her past choices and feelings of inadequacy. As she questions whether she sold her soul to the Devil, Lucifer offers her tough love and reassurance about her talent, urging her to take responsibility for her life. The scene blends nostalgia and vulnerability with humor, ultimately leaving Delilah with a glimmer of hope for redemption.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Complex characters
Exploration of themes

Weaknesses

Potential for cliched redemption arc

Critique

The scene effectively introduces Delilah as a character who embodies the consequences of fame and personal choices, contrasting well with Lucifer's charm and wit. The dialogue captures the tension between their past relationship and Delilah's current struggles, showcasing Lucifer's dual role as both a benefactor and a manipulator.
Lucifer's playful banter with Delilah establishes his character's charm, but it may benefit from deeper emotional resonance. While the humor is present, the scene could explore more vulnerability in Lucifer's character, revealing how he genuinely feels about the impact of his influence on Delilah's life.
The dialogue flows naturally, but some exchanges feel a bit too on-the-nose, particularly when discussing the Faustian nature of Delilah's rise to fame. This could be nuanced further to avoid clichés and enhance the thematic depth of the scene.
Delilah's character arc is compelling, yet her vulnerability could be more pronounced. The scene hints at her struggles but could delve deeper into her emotional state, allowing the audience to empathize with her plight more fully.
The transition from the external setting to the internal booth at Lux is smooth, but the visual descriptions could be more vivid. The atmosphere of the nightclub, the reactions of the crowd, and the emotional weight of the conversation could be enhanced through more descriptive language.

Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Lucifer and Delilah. For example, instead of directly stating her fears and regrets, allow them to emerge through their interactions and body language, creating a more dynamic exchange.
Explore Lucifer's internal conflict further by incorporating moments of hesitation or reflection during his conversation with Delilah. This could highlight his struggle with the consequences of his actions and the impact of his past relationships.
Strengthen Delilah's emotional journey by adding a moment of vulnerability where she reveals a specific incident or relationship that deeply affected her, allowing the audience to connect with her on a more personal level.
Enhance the visual elements of the scene by incorporating more sensory details. Describe the sounds of the nightclub, the lighting, and the atmosphere to immerse the audience in the setting and reflect the emotional tone of the conversation.
Consider foreshadowing the upcoming conflict or challenge that Delilah will face after this conversation. This could create a sense of urgency and weight to Lucifer's request for her to 'pull herself together,' making it feel like a pivotal moment in her character arc.

Scene 5 - A Tragic Farewell

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

8 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT 8

Lucifer and Delilah walk out... saying goodbye...

DELILAH
I’m gonna do what you asked. I’m
gonna get it together, Lucifer. I
promise.

LUCIFER
It’s not about me. All these terrible
things that weren’t supposed to happen?
They happened. What happens next is up
to you.

She nods. Smiles. Pulls him into an intense hug. They’re
still hugging when a piece-a-shit car slows to a stop in
front of Lux...

SHOTS rings out -- Lucifer and Delilah are RIDDLED WITH
BULLETS. As they both go down in a heap, the car SCREECHES
off. But without warning the shooter’s car is VICIOUSLY
BROADSIDED by a CITY BUS. A beat as everything settles. Then--

AN UNHOLY GROAN from Lucifer as he rises to a sitting
position. His clothes are torn with SMOKING holes. He rips
his shirt open. No blood. No entry wounds. Just pain. A lot
of fucking pain. He slowly climbs to his feet. Goes over to
Delilah, beautiful in peaceful repose. And very much dead.

Lucifer’s face tightens with pain. He looks down the street. *
Zeroes in on the wreckage and stalks over to it.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 11.
8 CONTINUED: 8

The SHOOTER’S body has been thrown from the crumpled car.
Laid out in a pile of broken glass. Twisted and BLOODY, but
still alive. It’s all Lucifer can do to control his emotion.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
What did you do?

SHOOTER
I- I’m sorry...

LUCIFER
Sorry? Tell me why. Why did you
end her life?
(seething, leans closer)
I can smell death coming for you --
shall I speed it along?

SHOOTER
Why else? Money...

LUCIFER
Times like these I wish I was back
in Hell. What I would do to you...

SHOOTER
Hey, I just pulled the trigger...

LUCIFER
What do you mean by that?

The shooter coughs up a final geyser of BLOOD and dies.
Lucifer walks back over to Delilah. He stands there, staring
down at her... with something in his eyes. Is it loss? Which
is when we realize that we’re watching Lucifer from SOMEONE
ELSE’S POV...

9 EXT. LUX - STREET - CONTINUOUS 9 *

FIND Amenadiel in the shadows, a SLOW-MOTION ballet of
ONLOOKERS around him. As he glares at Lucifer ominously, we
wonder: is he observing this moment? Or did he cause it?

10 EXT. LUX - STREET - LATER - SAME NIGHT 10

Now a full-blown crime scene. Cherry tops spin. Police swarm.
CORONER’s put Delilah’s body in a bag and into the back of
their van as an UNMARKED COP CAR pulls up. Out hops LAPD
homicide detective CHLOE DANCER (30s). Beautiful, but
downplays it on purpose. She’s smart, cold and direct.

She strides over to the wrecked car where THE SHOOTER still
lies in a bed of broken glass and blood. Bends over to get a
closer look... when she hears some snickering and whispering.
Turns to see a couple ROOKIE UNIFORMS staring at her.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 12.
10 CONTINUED: 10

CHLOE
Can I help you?

UNIFORM #1
Nah... just talkin’ about some of
our favorite movies.

Another plain-clothed detective walks up from the other
direction. He’s DANIEL ESPINOZA (40ish) gruff, alpha dog.

DAN
(nods at the uniforms)
Hey. Go secure the perimeter.

CHLOE *
You here to babysit me? Lieutenant *
said this is my case -- and I need *
it to be. *

DAN
Well, hi. Nice to see you, too. *
(no reaction)
Yes, it’s your case, Chloe. Wanna *
hear what I got so far though?

CHLOE
No.

DAN
It’s an easy one. This is our bad
guy. Eddie Deacon. Low-level drug
dealer. Found these in his pocket--

Holds up an evidence bag with little packets of HEROIN
stamped with “BOOM” and a picture of a bomb.

DAN (CONT’D)
--And this in Delilah’s purse.

Holds up another evidence bag with ONE packet -- same stamp.

DAN (CONT’D)
So, obviously drug related. Maybe
she owed him a bunch’a cash or
something. She wasn’t exactly
selling out stadiums these days.

CHLOE
How’d you know he’s low-level?

DAN
Look at his car?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 13.
10 CONTINUED: (2) 10

CHLOE
Yeah, but look at his watch -- that
ain’t cheap.

DAN
Probably a fake.
(off Chloe, staring at it)
Wouldn’t pick too hard at this one,
Chloe. Not after Palmetto Street.

CHLOE
I begged for this case because of
Palmetto, Dan. I need a big win or
I’ll never get out of the penalty
box... So... any witnesses?

Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary Lucifer and Delilah share a heartfelt goodbye outside Lux, with Delilah vowing to turn her life around. Their moment is shattered when a passing car opens fire, resulting in Delilah's tragic death while Lucifer remains unharmed. In a confrontation with the shooter, Lucifer learns the attack was motivated by money before the shooter dies. Meanwhile, Amenadiel watches from the shadows, hinting at his possible involvement. The scene concludes with Chloe Dancer arriving at the crime scene, ready to take charge of the investigation into Delilah's death.

Strengths

Strong character development
Intense emotional impact
Engaging dialogue
Intriguing concept

Weaknesses

Slightly predictable setup
Some cliched elements

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension through the emotional goodbye between Lucifer and Delilah, showcasing their relationship and Delilah's desire for redemption. However, the abrupt transition from an emotional moment to the violent shooting can feel jarring. The tonal shift could be smoothed out with better pacing, allowing the audience to fully absorb the weight of the goodbye before the shock of the violence hits.
Lucifer's reaction to Delilah's death is powerful, but the immediate focus on the shooter feels rushed. Instead of just confronting the shooter, it might be more impactful to linger on Lucifer's grief for a moment longer, emphasizing his emotional turmoil before shifting to the confrontation. This would deepen the audience's connection to Lucifer's pain.
The dialogue with the shooter is compelling, revealing the shooter’s motivations. However, the line 'I just pulled the trigger' feels somewhat detached and could benefit from more emotional weight. The shooter’s last words should reflect a deeper sense of remorse or fear, enhancing the stakes of the moment.
The introduction of Amenadiel observing from the shadows adds intrigue, but it could be more explicitly tied to the events that just transpired. A clearer indication of his involvement or intent would heighten the tension and suspense, making the audience question his motives.
The transition to the crime scene with Chloe feels abrupt and could be better integrated. Consider establishing a more gradual shift from the personal tragedy of Delilah's death to the procedural elements of the investigation, perhaps by including a moment where Lucifer is still grappling with his loss as the police arrive.

Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection between Lucifer and Delilah before the shooting, allowing the audience to fully grasp the gravity of their goodbye.
Extend Lucifer's emotional reaction after Delilah is shot, perhaps showing him in denial or struggling to process the loss before confronting the shooter.
Revise the shooter's dialogue to reflect a more complex emotional state, perhaps showing regret or fear, which would enhance the dramatic tension.
Clarify Amenadiel's presence and potential involvement in the shooting by adding a line or two that hints at his motivations or feelings about Lucifer's choices.
Smooth the transition to the crime scene by including a moment that connects Lucifer's grief to the arrival of the police, perhaps through a visual or auditory cue that highlights the chaos surrounding him.

Scene 6 - Flirtation and Frustration at Lux

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

11 INT. LUX - NIGHT 11

...where Chloe is now questioning Lucifer. Lucifer’s
distracted. His swirling emotions over Delilah’s death are
disorienting him. Maze hovers nearby.

CHLOE
Lucifer Morningstar...? Is that
like, a stage name or something?

LUCIFER
God-given, I’m afraid.
(studies her)
You look familiar. Have we met?

CHLOE
(uh-oh, but remains casual)
Five minutes ago. And I’m asking
the questions... Talk to me about
your relationship with the victim. *

LUCIFER
She used to work here. A few years
back. I would occasionally
accompany her while she sang. Then
she became a big star and someone
decided to end her life.

CHLOE
Did you know the shooter?

LUCIFER
No. But we did have a nice little
chat before he kicked off. I asked *
him why he did it.

CHLOE
I see. Like to play cop, do you?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 14.
11 CONTINUED: 11

LUCIFER
I like to play in general. What
about you, Detective? *

Chloe’s almost amused -- got a real live one here. *

CHLOE
So you spoke to a dead guy?

LUCIFER
He wasn’t quite dead. His soul was
still crossing the threshold. *

CHLOE
(indulges him) *
Okay then... why’d he do it? *

LUCIFER
Money, of course. You humans love
your money.

CHLOE
Yes. Yes, we do. And what planet
are you from? London?

LUCIFER
(smiles, cute)
He also said... “I just pulled the
trigger.” Interesting, no?

Chloe takes that in. She’s heard enough. Shuts it down.

CHLOE
Delilah was shot to death by a drug
dealer. And looks like Delilah
herself kept the guy pretty busy.
It’s sad. It’s ugly. But it’s not
rocket science. Something obviously *
went south between them, she gets
riddled with bullets, and a nice
little act of God takes him out.

LUCIFER *
It doesn’t work like that!
(then realizing)
It’s quite a neatly wrapped present
for the LAPD, don’t you think?

CHLOE
Okay. How does she end up dying in *
a hailstorm of bullets and you get
away without a scratch? That’s *
suspicious, don’t you think? *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 15.
11 CONTINUED: (2) 11

LUCIFER
The benefits of immortality.

CHLOE
Immortality... of course.
(writing it down)
Do you spell that with one m or
two, I always forget.

LUCIFER
What will your corrupt little
organization do about this?

CHLOE
Excuse me?

LUCIFER
Will you find the one responsible?
Will he be punished? Will this be a
priority for you?

Chloe studies him. Not sure if he’s a prick... a lunatic or *
something more... *

CHLOE
You’ve got some balls on you, pal.

LUCIFER
Thank you, but they’re really quite
average.
(studies her)
Are you sure we haven’t met? I
could swear I’ve seen you naked.
Did we have sex?

Nope. Just a prick. *

CHLOE
What? Go to hell.

LUCIFER
No thank you. Much more fun here.
(as she gets up to leave)
Wait. Detective. We’re not finished.

CHLOE
Yeah. We are.

And she’s out. OFF LUCIFER, frustrated.

END OF ACT ONE
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 16.

ACT TWO

Genres: ["Crime","Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary In a tense yet playful exchange at Lux, Chloe interrogates Lucifer about his connection to the victim, Delilah, while he grapples with his emotions over her death. Despite Lucifer's claims of immortality and insights into the crime, Chloe remains skeptical, viewing it as a simple drug-related murder. Their conversation oscillates between flirtation and confrontation, ultimately leading Chloe to leave in frustration, leaving Lucifer feeling isolated.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Complex characters
Mysterious tone

Weaknesses

Limited emotional impact
Some cliched elements

Critique

The scene effectively captures the dynamic between Chloe and Lucifer, showcasing their contrasting personalities. Chloe's skepticism and professionalism clash with Lucifer's playful and flirtatious demeanor, creating an engaging tension. However, the emotional weight of Delilah's death seems somewhat overshadowed by the banter, which could detract from the gravity of the situation.
While the dialogue is sharp and witty, some exchanges feel a bit forced, particularly Lucifer's flirtations. The humor is great, but it risks undermining the seriousness of the investigation and Delilah's death. Balancing humor with the emotional stakes is crucial to maintaining the scene's impact.
Chloe's dismissal of Lucifer's claims about immortality is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by more emotional resonance. Perhaps she could express frustration or disbelief more vividly, which would add depth to her character and the situation.
Lucifer's character is well-established as charming and cheeky, but the scene could benefit from a moment that reveals a deeper layer of his emotional response to Delilah's death. This would create a more complex character and provide a stronger contrast to his playful banter.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where the dialogue could be tightened. For instance, some lines could be trimmed or rephrased for brevity, allowing for a more natural flow of conversation.

Suggestions

Incorporate a moment of vulnerability for Lucifer that contrasts with his usual bravado, perhaps a brief flashback or a line that hints at his deeper feelings about Delilah's death.
Consider adding more physicality to the scene, such as Chloe's body language reflecting her frustration or disbelief, which could enhance the emotional stakes.
Tighten the dialogue by removing or rephrasing lines that feel overly verbose or forced. Aim for natural exchanges that reflect the urgency of the situation.
Explore Chloe's emotional state further; perhaps she could express her own struggles with the case, which would create a more relatable connection between her and Lucifer.
End the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps a lingering look between Chloe and Lucifer that hints at the complexity of their relationship, leaving the audience wanting more.

Scene 7 - Reflections of Darkness

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

12 INT. LUX - LATER THAT NIGHT 12

Lucifer plays piano, fingers flying, an intense version of
Bowie’s “Lady Stardust.” Suddenly he SMASHES the keys in a
burst of atonal fury, his gaze fixed on something ahead...
It's his reflection in the mirrored fireplace. That
disturbing face again. We catch just a hint of it before --

He gets up and HURLS a lamp at the mirror, SMASHING it to *
pieces. Maze enters. Surveys the damage. Says nothing. Which
only serves to infuriate Lucifer even more.

Throughout this scene, the hint of Lucifer's “darker side”
will be reflected in the shattered mirror behind Maze. We
will never fully see it. But it's enough to make us uneasy.

LUCIFER
Out with it, Maze!

MAZE
I’m curious.

LUCIFER
About?

MAZE
Why this upsets you so much.

LUCIFER
There is someone out there that
deserves punishment. And it’s not.
Going. To. Happen.

MAZE
Who cares? Mortals die every day.

LUCIFER
Yes, insignificant ones! Human
nothings who never add anything to
this world. They only take and
consume and die cowardly pathetic
deaths. But this was different! She
was different.

Maze studies him, a mix of concern, disdain and astonishment.

MAZE
You care about her...

LUCIFER
Please. I care about punishing the
coward responsible.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 17.
12 CONTINUED: 12

MAZE
Who are you right now?

Lucifer steps in closer -- as does his reflection in the
shattered mirror behind her.

LUCIFER
I don’t mind the occasional
smartass remarks, Maze. They can be
amusing, but don’t disrespect me.

But instead of retreating, Maze steps closer too... slides
her hands around Lucifer’s neck seductively.

MAZE
The opposite is true. You’re the
Prince of frickin’ Darkness. It’s
all well and good to take a
vacation, have fun in paradise with
the low-hanging fruit. But you're
losing sight of who you actually
are, Lucifer. You exist to punish
and torture for a universal reason.
Certainly not for a petty human
emotion such as love.

Lucifer cracks a smile, playing it off now with sarcasm.

LUCIFER
I am not human. Take that back.
(sighs, playing it off)
The world was robbed of a great
talent. That makes me angry. Makes
me want to punish someone. In very
unholy ways. That’s all.

Maze smiles, leans in... her lips inches from his.

MAZE
Does that mean we’re going home?

He’s silent. Her smile fades but she kisses him sensually on
the cheek and slinks off. ON LUCIFER, Maze’s words echoing...

13 EXT. MALIBU COASTLINE - DAY (DAY 2) 13 *

Gliding over the beautiful Oceanside, we pick up Lucifer’s
car as it speeds down the ribbon of highway that is the PCH.

Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Mystery"]

Summary In a luxurious room, Lucifer passionately plays Bowie's 'Lady Stardust' on the piano but abruptly smashes the keys in frustration, fixating on his shattered reflection. He expresses anger over a personal loss and a desire for vengeance, while Maze challenges his emotional vulnerability and identity as the Prince of Darkness. Their tense conversation reveals Lucifer's internal struggle between his darker nature and human emotions, culminating in a moment of intimacy before Maze leaves him to contemplate his feelings.

Strengths

Complex character dynamics
Engaging dialogue
Exploration of internal conflict

Weaknesses

Limited visual description
Some cliched dialogue

Critique

The scene effectively captures Lucifer's internal conflict and emotional turmoil following Delilah's death, showcasing his darker side and the struggle between his devilish nature and human emotions. However, the transition from the intense piano playing to the physical destruction of the mirror could benefit from a clearer emotional build-up to heighten the impact of his outburst.
The dialogue between Lucifer and Maze is engaging, revealing character depth and their complex relationship. However, at times, it feels slightly expository, particularly when Maze questions Lucifer's motivations. Instead of directly asking why he is upset, she could use more subtlety or a personal anecdote to draw out his feelings, making the conversation feel more organic.
The use of the shattered mirror as a visual metaphor for Lucifer's fragmented identity is strong, but it could be emphasized further. For instance, incorporating more visual cues or sound design that reflects his emotional state could enhance the intensity of the moment and the audience's understanding of his inner conflict.
Maze's seduction of Lucifer is an intriguing dynamic, but it could be more layered. While her approach is flirtatious, it might be more impactful if she also displays vulnerability or concern for him, hinting at her own struggles with his choices. This would add complexity to their relationship and deepen the emotional stakes.
The scene ends abruptly with Maze leaving after a kiss, which can feel unsatisfying. A moment of reflection from Lucifer after she departs could provide insight into his emotional state and set up the next scene more effectively, allowing the audience to linger on the impact of her words and his unresolved feelings.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of quiet before Lucifer smashes the piano keys to build tension and anticipation. This could involve him hesitating, reflecting on his emotions more deeply before the outburst.
Revise Maze's questioning to be more indirect or playful, allowing her to probe Lucifer's emotions without explicitly stating her curiosity. This could create a more dynamic and layered conversation.
Enhance the visual metaphor of the shattered mirror by incorporating reflections of other characters or moments from Lucifer's past, which could serve to illustrate his emotional turmoil more vividly.
Explore Maze's motivations further by giving her a line that reveals her own conflict about Lucifer's choices, making her seduction feel like a complicated mix of affection and concern.
Add a moment of silence or a poignant line from Lucifer after Maze leaves, allowing him to reflect on her words and the weight of his emotions, which can serve as a bridge to the next scene.

Scene 8 - Chaos at the Altar

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

14 EXT. MALIBU - WEDDING SITE - DAY 14

Wedding in progress. A short, sweaty music mogul named JIMMY
BARNES is about to wed a stunning, statuesque SUPERMODEL
BRIDE.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 18.
14 CONTINUED: 14

Surrounded by FAMILY and FRENEMIES, it’s a whole big ta-do.
The PRIEST has just arrived at the part where he says:

PRIEST
Speak now or forever hold your
peace...

A VOICE BOOMS:

LUCIFER
Excuse me!

And Lucifer comes strolling down the aisle...

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
I have a problem. Has anyone else
noticed how incredibly, jaw-
droppingly, loin-stirringly
beautiful this young woman is? And
how short, sweaty and altogether
fugly this homunculus is? What is
this? A wedding or a kidnapping?

Reactions from the GUESTS as Lucifer arrives at the altar.
The Priest crosses himself, starts mumbling some prayers.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
(chuckles)
Good luck with that, padre. While
you’re at it, tell him I say hey --
it’s been awhile.

He turns his attention to the groom, who’s sweating yet
desperately clinging to some semblance of cool.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Jimmy Barnes! Do you remember me?

JIMMY BARNES
Hey, man, this is a private event.
How’d you get in here?

LUCIFER
Yes, and quite a lavish, be it
tacky one for a record producer on
the outs.

Jimmy looks around for help, but no one’s stepping up.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Do you remember me?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 19.
14 CONTINUED: (2) 14

JIMMY BARNES
(hushed)
Of course I remember you! What do
you want?! I’m a little busy!

LUCIFER
I can’t believe you’re getting
married the day after your ex-lover
and once brightest star is murdered
in cold blood.

JIMMY BARNES
Yeah, it’s sad, but Delilah ruined
my wedding once before. I wasn’t
about to let her do it again.

LUCIFER
(locks eyes with him)
Yes. It’s hard to be rejected,
isn’t it Jimmy? Twice.

JIMMY BARNES
What?!

LUCIFER
She said you tried to get her back
recently. I’d kill someone if they
denied me once... not that that’s
possible. Come on, tell me, Jim-bo,
did you want her dead? You know I
love a juicy story.

Jimmy averts his eyes.

JIMMY BARNES
I’m not playing that mind game with
you. Of course not! I was furious
and humiliated when she dumped me,
but I think I rebounded pretty well.

He gestures at his beautiful BRIDE-TO-BE. Lucifer gives her
an appreciative glance.

LUCIFER
Clearly. Respect.

JIMMY BARNES
You should go play your games with
2Vile.

LUCIFER
The rapper?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 20.
14 CONTINUED: (3) 14

JIMMY BARNES
Yeah, Delilah dumped me for that
lunatic. They were always fighting.
I think he slapped her around a
bunch. He’s the real deal, man, and
he’s surrounded by a bunch of gun-
toting morons 24-7.

The information satisfies Lucifer, but his thirst for
taunting not quite met... Turns his attention to the bride.

LUCIFER
I’m sorry, how rude of me. Allow me *
to introduce myself...

He extends a hand. She takes it, oddly charmed. Stares at him
for a beat, feels a sudden, overwhelming urge to confess her
inner desires... or lack there of...

SUPERMODEL BRIDE
I really don’t want to have sex
with him tonight.
(to Jimmy)
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that!

Jimmy is dumbstruck. So is she.

LUCIFER
Of course you don’t! Let’s be
honest here. You’re not marrying
this human stain because you’re
actually in love with him, right?

SUPERMODEL BRIDE
No, I guess it’s more about
lifestyle.

LUCIFER
Good luck with that. He’s broke.
(she starts to cry)
Dry your tears, darling. At least
you’ll have this magical day.
(then)
Well, I should be going. Best of
luck to you crazy kids.

Lucifer turns and walks off down the aisle... a figurative
mushroom cloud in his wake.

Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Crime"]

Summary During a lavish wedding in Malibu, Lucifer crashes the ceremony, questioning the bride's commitment and taunting the groom, Jimmy Barnes, about his ex-lover's murder. As tensions rise, the bride inadvertently reveals her lack of desire for the marriage, leading to emotional turmoil. The priest struggles to maintain order as Lucifer's disruptive presence stirs chaos, ultimately leaving the scene with confusion and unresolved feelings lingering in the air.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character dynamics
Tension building

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Predictable confrontations

Critique

The scene effectively captures Lucifer's flamboyant personality and his penchant for chaos, which is a strong aspect of his character. However, the comedic tone sometimes overshadows the gravity of the situation surrounding Delilah's murder, which could lead to a disconnection for the audience.
Lucifer's dialogue is sharp and witty, showcasing his charm. However, the humor could be balanced with moments that underscore the emotional stakes of the wedding and the recent tragedy. This would enhance the dramatic tension and make Lucifer's intrusion feel more impactful.
The interactions with Jimmy Barnes and the Supermodel Bride are entertaining but could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. The bride's confession about her lack of desire for the marriage is a strong moment, but it could be further developed to explore her internal conflict and feelings about Delilah's death.
The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the exchanges between Lucifer and the other characters. Allowing for pauses or reactions could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of Lucifer's words.
The visual elements of the wedding setting are described well, but incorporating more sensory details (like sounds, smells, or visual contrasts) could enhance the atmosphere and make the scene more immersive.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of reflection for Lucifer before he interrupts the wedding, showcasing his internal conflict about the situation and making his intrusion feel more deliberate.
Enhance the emotional stakes by allowing the Supermodel Bride to express more about her feelings regarding Delilah and her marriage, which would add depth to her character and the scene.
Incorporate reactions from the guests that reflect the shock and tension of the moment, which would ground the humor in a more serious context and highlight the absurdity of Lucifer's actions.
Slow down the dialogue exchanges to allow for more natural pacing and character reactions, which would help convey the weight of the situation and maintain audience engagement.
Add a visual or auditory cue that signifies the gravity of the moment (like a sudden silence after Lucifer speaks) to contrast with the humor, emphasizing the consequences of his actions.

Scene 9 - A Sinister Invitation

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 7

15 EXT. 2VILE’S PLACE - HOLLYWOOD HILLS - DAY 15

Lucifer cruises up the drive of a pimped-out palace that
could easily have its own very special episode of MTV Cribs.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 21.
15 CONTINUED: 15

Lucifer exits his car, rings the bell. A massive GONG sounds.
Door’s opened by a WHITE ENGLISH BUTLER.

BUTLER
Good afternoon, sir.

LUCIFER
I’m here to see the man sadly known
as 2Vile. Is he in?

BUTLER
I’m sorry, sir. He’s unavailable.
I’m afraid he’s in mourning.

LUCIFER
I have narcotics for him.

A moment.

BUTLER
Right this way, sir.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Lucifer arrives at a lavish mansion in the Hollywood Hills, seeking to meet the unavailable 2Vile, who is in mourning. After a formal exchange with a polite English butler, Lucifer offers narcotics to gain access, leading the butler to agree to escort him inside. The scene blends dark humor and intrigue against the backdrop of opulence, highlighting the contrast between Lucifer's boldness and the butler's formality.

Strengths

Complex characters
Tense atmosphere
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Possible lack of clarity on 2Vile's role and significance

Critique

The scene effectively establishes the opulence of 2Vile's residence, which sets the tone for the character's lifestyle and the world that Lucifer is navigating. The description of the mansion as a 'pimped-out palace' is a clever nod to the excesses of Hollywood culture, but it could be enhanced with more vivid sensory details to immerse the reader further into the setting.
Lucifer's interaction with the butler is humorous and plays well into his character's charm and wit. However, the transition from the butler's somber news about 2Vile to Lucifer's offer of narcotics feels a bit abrupt. This could be smoothed out with a line of dialogue that acknowledges the butler's statement before he shifts focus to the drugs, showcasing Lucifer's irreverent attitude towards the situation.
The dialogue is snappy and in line with the tone of the script, but it lacks a deeper emotional undercurrent. Given the recent death of Delilah, there could be an opportunity for Lucifer to reflect briefly on the consequences of the drug culture he is engaging with, adding more depth to his character and the scene.
The scene is relatively straightforward and lacks a strong conflict or tension. While it serves as a transition, introducing 2Vile, it could benefit from a more dynamic interaction, perhaps with the butler expressing skepticism about Lucifer's intentions or warning him about the dangers of dealing with 2Vile, thereby raising the stakes.
The pacing is quick, which is appropriate for the tone, but consider slowing it down slightly to allow for more character development. A moment of hesitation or contemplation from Lucifer before he offers narcotics could add complexity to his character, highlighting his internal conflict.

Suggestions

Add more sensory details to describe the mansion, such as the sights, sounds, and smells, to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Include a line of dialogue from Lucifer that acknowledges the butler's statement about mourning before he shifts the conversation to narcotics, which would enhance the flow and character consistency.
Consider having Lucifer reflect briefly on the implications of drug use in light of Delilah's recent death, providing a moment of introspection that adds depth to his character.
Introduce a stronger conflict in the scene by having the butler express skepticism about Lucifer's intentions or warn him about 2Vile, which would increase tension and intrigue.
Slow down the pacing slightly to allow for more character development, perhaps by including a moment of hesitation from Lucifer before he offers the narcotics, highlighting his internal struggle.

Scene 10 - Confrontation in Chaos

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

16 INT. 2VILE’S PLACE - DAY - MOMENTS LATER 16

Lucifer follows the Butler into the den. Furniture from MOMA.
Killer city views. The ultimate in tacky Hollywood living.

2VILE’S CREW’s scattered all over the place. Hip-hop
thumping. There’s tons of weed, weapons -- it’s a real scene.
An immensely expensive PLASMA TV in the background plays NEWS
on Delilah’s death. The hot headline.

LUCIFER
Can someone please turn down this
godawful music?!

Tattooed hip-hop thug 2VILE appears through a thick haze of
POT SMOKE.

2VILE
Who’s this clown?

BUTLER
He has narcotics for you, sir.

LUCIFER
My name is Lucifer Morningstar.

2VILE
Lucifer Morningstar... that’s a
good hip-hop name.

LUCIFER
That offends me.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 22.
16 CONTINUED: 16

2VILE
What, you don’t like hip-hop?

LUCIFER
No, I most certainly do not.

2VILE
That offends me. You have a problem
with black people?

LUCIFER
Not in the slightest. I just hate
your music. And when I say “your
music,” I mean your music -- not
music made by other black people.
Without the blues, there would be no
devil’s music whatsoever. There are,
of course, many giants in the field.
Just not you. Am I being clear?

2VILE
You’re being clear all right -- if
you’re looking to get yourself
killed.

LUCIFER
Don’t waste your munitions. I’m
immortal. Tell me about Delilah.

2VILE
What’s to tell? She’s dead. *

That ignites Lucifer. He violently SHOVES 2VILE, sending him
SHATTERING THROUGH A GLASS DOOR, toppling over the balcony to
certain death just as Lucifer grabs him by his blinged-out
chains. Suspending him high above the hillside.

2VILE'S CREW react. One FIRES on impulse, bullet PINGING off
the balcony.

2VILE (CONT’D)
DON’T SHOOT HIM, YOU IDIOT!

Crew freezes. Nothing they can do. If Lucifer goes down.
2Vile goes down further. 2Vile looks up at the face of death.

2VILE (CONT’D)
I didn't kill her!

LUCIFER
Why should I believe you?

2VILE
Because I loved the bitch!

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 23.
16 CONTINUED: (2) 16

LUCIFER
People sometimes kill people with
whom they’re in love. The heart is
mysterious. Or so I’m told.

2VILE
Girl made me crazy!

LUCIFER
(drops him a bit more)
Women can do that. Doesn’t mean you
should beat them up.

2VILE
Hey, hey! Come on, we worked that
out a long time ago. I hit her ONCE
‘cause she was cheating on me!

And there it is... another piece to the puzzle. Lucifer lifts
2Vile back onto the balcony. He's a mess.

LUCIFER
With whom?

2VILE
I don’t know! She wouldn’t tell me!
Said it was a big secret. Some rich
married guy.

LUCIFER
Did she have a friend she might’ve
confided in?

2VILE
Didn’t trust no one. Her therapist *
is probably the only one who knows.
Some Dr. Linda in Beverly Hills. *
Saw her like five times a week on *
the dl. Used a fake name and *
everything. *

LUCIFER
Thank you for your time.

2Vile just stares at Lucifer. Confused. Lost. Then...

2VILE
Man, sometimes I get tired of *
frontin’, ya know. I really just *
wanted to put a ring on that finger
and a baby up in there. She was the
one. And now she’s dead.

2Vile breaks down in tears. His CREW IS HORRIFIED.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 24.
16 CONTINUED: (3) 16

LUCIFER
I like this side of you. You might
consider putting this kind of
emotion into your music. And change
your name. What does your mother
call you?

2VILE
Percy. Percy Wallace.

LUCIFER
(pause)
Never mind. Good luck with what’s
left of your short-lived career.

Lucifer starts to make his exit. But someone else is making
an entrance...

CHLOE (O.S.)
Guns down! On the floor! Down! *

Lucifer turns to see Chloe coming through the door with an
ashamed butler in tow. Her gun out. Crew lays their guns on *
the floor. Lucifer grins. Amused... and curious... *

LUCIFER
You sly dog. You did listen to me.

CHLOE
Ran the dead guy’s cellphone.
2Vile was the last person he
called.

2VILE
Oh, come on, man!

CHLOE
(to Lucifer)
What I find highly interesting is
how you made the connection on your
own.

LUCIFER
Well, I’ve been busy, my dear.

She clocks that... but first things first. She kicks the guns *
clear, confiscates them then turns to 2Vile.

CHLOE
Talk to me about Delilah--

LUCIFER
Yes, yes. We’ve been over that one,
Detective. *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 25.
16 CONTINUED: (4) 16

She throws a shut-the-fuck-up look to Lucifer, plows on...

CHLOE
--And why you called the shooter
two days before she was murdered.

2VILE
Fine. Yeh, I called Eddie ‘cause he *
hooks me up sometimes. He met
Delilah through me. When we were
together. Whatever. Don’t make me a
killer, do it? *

CHLOE
No. But it does make you a suspect. *

2VILE
(scoffs)
What? So, everyone on Eddie's
phone’s a suspect? You joking?! *
Welcome to Celebrity Name Game. You
gonna drag half a’ Hollywood
downtown? Be like the Oscars.

Point noted, but Chloe reaches for her cuffs... Meanwhile, *
the “celebrity” comment has triggered ONE OF 2VILE'S CREW to
suddenly recognize Chloe... and completely break the
moment...

CREW 1
Wait. Aren’t you that chick from
that film?

LUCIFER
(perks up)
What’s this? What film?

CREW 1
You used to be an actress or
something, right? That teen
movie... I forget what it’s
called...

Chloe tries to hide it, but she’s literally dying right now.
And Lucifer sees it.

LUCIFER
Of course! Hot Tub High School!
That’s where I know you from!

CHLOE
(dodging, back to 2Vile)
Let’s stick to my questions, shall
we?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 26.
16 CONTINUED: (5) 16

LUCIFER
The one with that famous nude
scene! Coming out of the hot tub.
It was a complete Fast Times rip-
off, but you were like, the new *
Phoebe Cates. That was quite a nude
scene--

CHLOE
(gun in hand)
I’ve got way too many bullets in
here for you to still be talking.

She swaps her gun for handcuffs, turns back to 2Vile...

CHLOE (CONT’D)
Come on. You’re under arrest.

LUCIFER
That’s a waste of time, Detective.
I’ve just threatened his life, he’s
not our guy -- he would’ve said.
Trust me.

CHLOE
You did what?

2VILE
Yeah, isn’t that illegal?

CHLOE
Uh, little bit, yes. Okay then, *
you. Come with me.

Chloe slaps the cuffs on Lucifer instead.

LUCIFER
Ooh. With pleasure.

A smug smile doesn’t leave his lips as Chloe yanks him out. *

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Mystery"]

Summary In 2Vile's chaotic den filled with hip-hop music and drugs, Lucifer confronts 2Vile about Delilah's death, showcasing his immortality and sarcasm. Tensions rise as 2Vile reveals his love for Delilah and mentions a therapist who may have information. Chloe arrives, asserting her authority by arresting 2Vile and cuffing Lucifer, who remains amused by the unfolding chaos.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Character development
Revealing plot twists

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements in dialogue

Critique

The dialogue between Lucifer and 2Vile is sharp and showcases their contrasting personalities, which is a strength of the scene. However, the initial exchange about music feels somewhat forced and could be streamlined to maintain the pacing. The humor is there, but it risks overshadowing the tension of the moment.
The physical action where Lucifer shoves 2Vile through the glass door is visually striking, but it may benefit from more buildup to heighten the stakes. The transition from verbal confrontation to physical violence could be more gradual to enhance the emotional impact.
2Vile's character development is intriguing, particularly his emotional breakdown after Lucifer's threats. However, the transition from a tough exterior to vulnerability feels abrupt. More subtle hints of his emotional state earlier in the scene could create a more seamless transition.
Chloe's entrance adds a layer of urgency and shifts the dynamic, but her dialogue could be more assertive to establish her authority in the situation. As a detective, she should command attention, and her lines could reflect that intensity more strongly.
The comedic elements, particularly regarding Chloe's past as an actress, provide levity, but they might detract from the scene's overall tension. Balancing humor with the gravity of the investigation is crucial; consider whether this comedic interlude serves the narrative or distracts from it.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue between Lucifer and 2Vile to maintain the scene's momentum. Focus on the essentials of their conflict without excessive exposition.
Build tension gradually before the physical altercation. Perhaps include more verbal sparring that hints at 2Vile's vulnerabilities before Lucifer resorts to violence.
Integrate subtle emotional cues from 2Vile earlier in the scene to foreshadow his breakdown. This will make his emotional reveal feel earned and impactful.
Revise Chloe's entrance and dialogue to convey a stronger sense of authority. She should assert control over the situation immediately to reinforce her role as the detective.
Evaluate the balance of humor in the scene. If the comedic elements feel out of place, consider removing or reworking them to maintain the scene's focus on the investigation and emotional stakes.

Scene 11 - Cuffed Curiosity

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

17 EXT. 2VILE’S PLACE - MINUTES LATER - DAY 17

Chloe leads Lucifer out in cuffs... opens the back car door.

LUCIFER
At least perhaps now you’ll listen *
to me. Although not sure I *
understand why I’m being arrested. *

CHLOE
Because you’re interfering with a
police investigation.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 27.
17 CONTINUED: 17
CHLOE (CONT'D)
You’ve broken, I can’t even count
how many laws. And you piss me off.

LUCIFER
I can get out of these, you know.

CHLOE
Funny.

Lucifer does some Houdini-esque wriggling behind his back and
hands her the cuffs. Chloe examines the cuffs, confused. *

CHLOE (CONT’D) *
How’d you do that? You a magician *
or something? *

LUCIFER
You’re still wasting time. We
should be out there solving a
homicide and punishing those
responsible!

CHLOE
We? Are you insane? Get in the car.
I’m taking you in.

LUCIFER
But that’s boring! Not to mention *
pointless. Come on, I’ll help you,
it’ll be fun!

CHLOE
How could you possibly help me?

LUCIFER
You’d be surprised. I have a
certain skill set. I can be very
persuasive with people. Tend to see
things others cannot. *

CHLOE
So you're a psychic? *

LUCIFER
No. I can’t read people’s minds --
I’m not a Jedi. People tell me
things.

CHLOE
Really? Just... confess their sins?
Just like that?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 28.
17 CONTINUED: (2) 17

LUCIFER
No, not their sins. I have no power
over people’s sins. I actually get
a bad rap for that. But their *
desires, different thing entirely.
(off her skeptical look)
I have the ability to draw out
people’s forbidden desires. Tempt
them. Taunt them. The more simple
the human, the easier it is. The
more complex? The more challenging -
- and exciting, really. But your
actual sins? The sins are on you
people.

CHLOE
(sarcastically indulging) *
I get it. The name. The whole
Lucifer thing... and desire’s like,
your super power.

LUCIFER
More like a gift from God.
(off Chloe’s deadpan look)
Look, I’m just a people person.
They feel compelled to share things
with me. And why wouldn’t they,
really? I’m pretty awesome.

CHLOE
Yeah? Prove it.

LUCIFER
That I’m awesome? Isn’t it obvious?
(fine, looks deeply at her)
Tell me, Detective. What do you
desire more than anything in this
life?

Chloe sighs. But then her eyes suddenly lock with his and she
is mesmerized...

CHLOE
I guess, when I was a little girl,
I always wanted to be a cop like my
daddy, so that one day, I could
help people...
(dropping an act)
...and make them shut up and get in
the damn car!

Ouch. Lucifer blinks. He’s been played. His powers useless on
her. She motions for him to get in. Lucifer studies her.
Both disturbed and fascinated by her.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 29.
17 CONTINUED: (3) 17

LUCIFER
You’re not like a Jedi or
something, are you?

CHLOE *
Get in. The car. *

LUCIFER *
Wait. I know something you don’t *
know. *

CHLOE *
Yeah? What’s that? *

LUCIFER *
Won’t say. Unless you take me with *
you on this. Please? Come on, I got *
to 2VILE, didn’t I? *

CHLOE *
You’re unbelievable. *
(squints at him) *
Huh. You don’t strike me as a *
celebrity stalker. You aren’t *
related to her. You weren’t *
sleeping with her, were you--? *

LUCIFER *
Surprisingly, no. *

CHLOE *
Then why do you care about this so *
much? About Delilah? *

LUCIFER *
(rattled/tries to hide it) *
I... just do. *

CHLOE *
(this is a new side...) *
Fine. But if your little clue *
doesn’t pan out-- *
(holds up the cuffs) *
I’m puttin’ these back on, and *
they’re gonna stay on. *

Lucifer cracks a smile, nods. She gets in the car and he *
follows. BOTH OF THEM growing more and more intrigued with *
the other... *

END OF ACT TWO *
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 30.

ACT THREE

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Fantasy"]

Summary Chloe attempts to arrest Lucifer outside a building, but he protests, claiming he can assist in solving a homicide. Despite her skepticism, Lucifer showcases his ability to escape from handcuffs, leading to a playful yet tense exchange between them. Intrigued by his claims, Chloe reluctantly agrees to let him accompany her on the investigation, warning him that failure to provide useful information will result in him being cuffed again. The scene ends with them getting into the police car, hinting at a growing connection.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Complex characters
Intriguing dynamics

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Some cliched elements

Critique

The dialogue between Lucifer and Chloe is witty and showcases their dynamic well, but it occasionally feels overly expository. The audience is told about Lucifer's abilities rather than shown them in action. Consider integrating his powers into the narrative more subtly through actions or reactions rather than direct explanations.
Chloe's skepticism of Lucifer's claims is a strong character trait, yet the scene could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for both characters. While they engage in playful banter, the stakes feel relatively low. Adding a sense of urgency or danger could heighten the tension and make their interaction more compelling.
Lucifer's charm is evident, but the scene could explore more of Chloe's perspective. For instance, her internal conflict about working with someone like Lucifer could be highlighted through her actions or thoughts, adding depth to her character and making her eventual compliance more impactful.
The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. The initial back-and-forth is engaging, but it could be tightened to maintain momentum. Consider trimming some of the dialogue that reiterates their established dynamic, allowing for a quicker transition to the more revealing moments.
The ending of the scene hints at a growing intrigue between Lucifer and Chloe, which is compelling. However, it could be made more explicit how this intrigue affects their motivations moving forward. A line that foreshadows their future partnership or conflict could enhance the scene's impact.

Suggestions

Incorporate Lucifer's powers into the scene through a demonstration rather than verbal exposition. For example, show him using his charm to extract a confession from a bystander or another character.
Introduce a time constraint or an external pressure that compels Chloe to consider Lucifer's offer more seriously. This could create a sense of urgency and elevate the stakes of their interaction.
Deepen Chloe's internal conflict by including brief moments of hesitation or doubt about working with Lucifer. This could be shown through her body language or a quick flashback to a past experience.
Tighten the dialogue by removing repetitive lines and focusing on the most impactful exchanges. Aim for brevity to keep the pace brisk and engaging.
Add a final line or moment that explicitly ties their interaction to the larger narrative, hinting at how their partnership will evolve and what challenges they might face together.

Scene 12 - Balancing Act

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

18 INT. CHLOE’S POLICE CAR - DRIVING - DAY 18

Lucifer’s in the backseat. Chloe drives, on the phone.

CHLOE (ON PHONE)
Yeah, therapist in Beverly Hills
with first name Linda. See if
Delilah was a client--

LUCIFER
Actually, she had a pseudonym.
Which I happen to know. Penny Lane.

CHLOE (ON PHONE)
Delilah could’ve gone by Penny
Lane... Okay, thanks.

She hangs up. A beat of silence as he stares at her,
grinning... making her uncomfortable.

CHLOE (CONT’D)
What? Don’t be so smug -- hasn’t
panned out yet.

LUCIFER
No, that’s not it... I knew I
recognized you.

CHLOE
Right. So you saw my boobs. Never heard
that one before.

LUCIFER
And your ass, don’t forget. A thing
of beauty--

CHLOE
I will pull this car over and shoot
you.

LUCIFER
I told you. I’m immortal.
(off her eye roll) *
Is the movie why you have such a
chip on your shoulder?

CHLOE
Trust me, that’s low on the list of
things I have to live down.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 31.
18 CONTINUED: 18

LUCIFER
Right. Attractive female cop
struggling to be taken seriously in
a man’s man’s world. That it?

CHLOE
Something like that.

LUCIFER
Who cares what the other pigs say?
You’re a kickass detective -- *
should listen to me a bit more
maybe but -- you know who you are. *

CHLOE
I know who I am. There’s just a lot
of people out there who have a
problem with it. Other cops mostly.

LUCIFER
They’re threatened. You’re clearly *
smart and have notable instincts. *
Ignore them. Trust yourself. *

This man continues to surprise her... which also annoys her. *
Her cell goes off... saved by the ring... *

CHLOE (ON PHONE)
Detective Dancer... Really? Okay, *
text it to me. Thanks. *

She hangs up. Huh.

LUCIFER
What?

CHLOE
(reluctant, but...)
Looks like what you said stands up. *
There’s a Penny Lane who sees a Dr. *
Linda Martin. Address in Beverly *
Hills. *

LUCIFER
Excellent. I’ll clear my schedule. *

Chloe shakes her head. Although, something about this madness *
makes sense. Another call interrupts, thank God.

CHLOE (ON PHONE) *
Yeah... What? You’re kidding me. Is *
she okay?... Her father was *
supposed to pick her up today... Of *
course he’s not. *
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 32.
18 CONTINUED: (2) 18
CHLOE (ON PHONE) (CONT'D)
Okay, I’ll be there as soon I can.
(hangs up, annoyed)
We have to make a pit stop.

LUCIFER
No. Absolutely not.

CHLOE
I have to get my kid from school.
She got into a fight.

LUCIFER
Can’t she get herself home?

CHLOE
She’s seven.

LUCIFER
I’m not here to help you run
errands. I’m here to help you solve
a homicide.

Chloe just hits the gas, pinning him to the back seat.

19 EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - STREET - DAY 19

Chloe pulls up in front.

CHLOE
Wait here.

LUCIFER
With pleasure. I despise children.

Chloe frowns, gets out, locks the car doors and heads into
the school. Lucifer stares at the car lock, it pops up and he
gets out to stretch, lights a cigarette when... A MILFY MOM
crosses his path and disappears into the school. Lucifer
likes what he sees. Decides to follow her in.

Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery","Fantasy"]

Summary Chloe drives her police car with Lucifer in the backseat, engaging in flirtatious banter while discussing her struggles as a female detective. When she receives a call about her daughter getting into a fight at school, she insists on making a stop despite Lucifer's protests. The scene highlights Chloe's determination to juggle her responsibilities as a mother and a detective, while Lucifer's playful demeanor adds tension to their dynamic. As Chloe enters the school, Lucifer notices an attractive woman and decides to follow her inside.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Complex characters
Intriguing plot developments
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Occasional pacing issues

Critique

The dialogue between Chloe and Lucifer is sharp and witty, showcasing their chemistry and the tension in their relationship. However, some of Lucifer's lines, particularly about Chloe's physical appearance, may come off as overly objectifying, which could detract from the development of their dynamic. It's essential to balance flirtation with respect to maintain the integrity of their characters.
The scene effectively builds on the previous events, maintaining momentum in the narrative while introducing new stakes with Chloe's daughter. However, the transition from discussing the investigation to Chloe's personal life feels slightly abrupt. A smoother segue could enhance the flow of the scene.
Chloe's frustration with Lucifer's antics is palpable, but the scene could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for her. While she expresses annoyance, a deeper exploration of her internal conflict regarding accepting Lucifer's help could add layers to her character.
Lucifer's character is consistent in his charm and confidence, but there’s a missed opportunity to delve deeper into his motivations for helping Chloe. Adding a line or two that hints at his genuine desire to assist her could create a more complex portrayal of his character.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For example, the phone call interruptions serve as a useful narrative device, but they could be utilized more effectively to create tension or urgency in the moment.

Suggestions

Consider revising some of Lucifer's comments about Chloe's appearance to ensure they feel playful rather than objectifying. This adjustment can help maintain a more respectful tone in their banter.
Work on creating a smoother transition between the discussion of the investigation and Chloe's personal life. Perhaps Chloe could reflect briefly on the importance of her daughter before receiving the call, enhancing the emotional stakes.
Add a moment where Chloe reflects on her feelings about needing help, which can provide depth to her character and showcase her internal struggle between pride and vulnerability.
Incorporate a line or two that hints at Lucifer's motivations for helping Chloe, perhaps referencing his own struggles with identity or a desire to connect with someone on a deeper level.
Tighten the pacing by condensing some of the dialogue during the phone calls or using them to heighten the tension, emphasizing the urgency of the situation as Chloe balances her responsibilities as a detective and a mother.

Scene 13 - Lucifer's Playground

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

20 INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY 20

Lucifer looks around, but the Milfy Woman has disappeared.
Lucifer frowns, sits down in the lobby -- LIT CIGARETTE STILL
IN HAND -- next to a precocious little thing named BEATRICE.

TRIXIE
I don’t think you’re allowed to
smoke in here.

LUCIFER
Oh dear, what will become of me?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 33.
20 CONTINUED: 20

TRIXIE
My mother is a police officer. She
could arrest you.

LUCIFER
(smiles, isn’t this fun)
I think I might know your mother.
We’re working together. On a case.
Top secret.

TRIXIE
You know my mother?

LUCIFER
Unfortunately.

TRIXIE
What’s your name?

LUCIFER
Lucifer.

TRIXIE
(wide-eyed; hushed)
Like the devil?!

LUCIFER
(grins, pleased)
Exactly.

TRIXIE
My name is Beatrice. But everyone
calls me Trixie.

LUCIFER
That’s a hooker’s name.

TRIXIE
What’s a hooker?

LUCIFER
Ask your mother.
(then)
Why are you in trouble?

TRIXIE
See that girl over there?

She nods at a MEAN GIRL sitting across the way.

LUCIFER
The ugly one?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 34.
20 CONTINUED: (2) 20

TRIXIE
Yes! She was bullying me. She created
a fake Snapchat account and used it
to make fun of me! So I kicked her in
the no-no-touch zone!

Lucifer pauses. Trixie points to his crotch. Lucifer nods.

LUCIFER
I see. Well-played.

He gets up, walks over to MEAN GIRL and sits beside her.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Hello, Mean Girl. Did you know that
you will never amount to anything
in this life, and that there’s a
special section of Hell reserved
for bullies. So, have fun!

Lucifer's eyes peel open, revealing a flash of horrid ones
beneath. Mean Girl bursts into tears. And as she does, she
suddenly slows. In fact everything around her slows...

Lucifer’s grin fades. We now know what this means. Amenadiel
is near. Lucifer stands, looks down to the far end of the
hallway. Children pass in SURREAL MOTION, a shadow looming
beyond them, when suddenly...

A distorted voice calls out to Lucifer from behind. He turns.
IT'S CHLOE.

CHLOE
Hello?! What'd you do?

Everything has slipped back to NORMAL SPEED. The kids in the
hall, Trixie and crying Mean Girl. Lucifer recovers quickly.

LUCIFER
I think someone’s feeling a little
guilty. Isn’t that right, child?

More tears from Meanie. A smile from Trixie. Off Chloe: WTF? *

Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Mystery"]

Summary In an elementary school lobby, Lucifer encounters a young girl named Trixie, who confides in him about being bullied. Amused by her boldness, he confronts the mean girl, using his supernatural powers to intimidate her, which leads to the bully's emotional breakdown. As time slows, indicating the presence of Amenadiel, Chloe arrives, confused by the chaos surrounding Lucifer's intervention.

Strengths

Complex characters
Sharp dialogue
Emotional depth
Intriguing plot twists

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may come off as overly dramatic or cliched at times

Critique

The scene effectively captures Lucifer's playful and mischievous nature, especially in his interactions with Trixie. The banter is light-hearted and showcases his charm, which contrasts nicely with the serious themes surrounding bullying and the presence of Amenadiel.
However, the transition from the playful interaction with Trixie to the serious implications of bullying could be smoother. While the humor is engaging, it might overshadow the emotional weight of the bullying storyline. Balancing the tone more effectively could enhance the scene's impact.
Lucifer's confrontation with the Mean Girl is a pivotal moment, but the dialogue could be more impactful. The threat of Hell is a strong statement, yet it feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on this moment could heighten the tension and provide a more profound commentary on the consequences of bullying.
The introduction of Amenadiel adds an intriguing supernatural element, but the shift in focus might confuse the audience. It would be beneficial to clarify the connection between Lucifer's actions and Amenadiel's presence earlier in the scene to maintain narrative coherence.
The pacing is slightly uneven, particularly with the sudden shift to slow motion when Amenadiel appears. This could be disorienting for the viewer. A more gradual build-up to this moment or clearer visual cues could enhance the transition.
Lastly, the scene ends on a humorous note with Chloe's reaction, but it may leave the audience wanting more depth in the resolution of the bullying issue. While humor is a hallmark of the series, addressing the emotional aftermath could add layers to the characters and the narrative.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Trixie elaborates on her feelings about being bullied, which could deepen the emotional stakes of the scene. This would provide a more poignant counterbalance to Lucifer's humor.
Expand Lucifer's dialogue with the Mean Girl to make his threat more vivid and impactful. Perhaps include a metaphor or a more elaborate description of Hell that resonates with the audience and the character.
Clarify the connection between Lucifer's actions and Amenadiel's presence earlier in the scene. This could involve a brief internal monologue from Lucifer or a visual cue that hints at Amenadiel's approach.
Refine the pacing around the slow-motion effect to ensure it aligns with the emotional tone of the scene. Consider using sound design or visual effects to enhance the moment without confusing the audience.
Explore the aftermath of the bullying incident in subsequent scenes, perhaps showing how it impacts Trixie or leads to further developments in the story. This could create a more cohesive narrative arc.

Scene 14 - Tension at the Schoolyard

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

21 EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - STREET - DAY 21

Lucifer, Chloe and Trixie walk out as DAN ESPINOZA arrives.
What’s he doing here?

TRIXIE
Hi, Daddy.

Oh. That’s why.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 35.
21 CONTINUED: 21

CHLOE
Wow. Shocker. You’re late.

DAN
Gimme a break, I’m putting a case
to bed.

CHLOE
Right, like I’m not working a case
too. You remember -- the one you
tried to steal from me?

DAN
You mean the open and shut one. You
did open and shut it, right?

Off Chloe’s silence -- clearly, that’s a no. *

LUCIFER *
Have you been going rogue, dear? *
Exciting. *

CHLOE
I’m not going rogue. I’m just being *
diligent. I need to get this right, *
Dan. It’s a high profile case. *

DAN
Exactly. Which is why you need to
be smart about it-- *

Lucifer clocks Trixie sticking her fingers in her ears.

LUCIFER
She is smart. You’re a dimwit. But
perhaps you should refrain from
arguing in front of the child. It’s
unbecoming. Not to mention another
waste of my time. Which is far more
important. To me.

A moment. Dan looks at Chloe.

DAN
Who’s this idiot? New boyfriend? I
thought we agreed not to--

Lucifer grabs Dan in a firm handshake. Gets up close, says:

LUCIFER
Allow me to introduce myself. I’m a
man who could make you see things
that would drive you blind. Or pull
your spine out through your mouth.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 35A.
21 CONTINUED: (2) 21
LUCIFER (CONT'D)
Your choice. But I wouldn’t do any
of these things in front of the
child. You know why? Because I, for
one, have excellent manners.

A beat.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 36.
21 CONTINUED: (3) 21

DAN
I don’t know whether to laugh or
shoot you.

LUCIFER
Surprise me.

TRIXIE
Isn’t he funny, Daddy?!

CHLOE
(to Dan)
Hey, can you drop Trix at my
mother’s? Thanks! Gotta go!
(to Trixie)
Gimme a kiss, Trixella! Mommy loves
you so much! And... good job
standing up to the mean girl!

TRIXIE
Thanks, Mommy!
(then)
What’s a hooker?

CHLOE
Daddy’ll tell you.

Dan nods his thanks, takes Trixie by the hand and walks off.
Trixie turns back.

TRIXIE
Bye, Lucifer! Nice to meet you!

Lucifer says nothing. Just frowns. But it’s yet another
surprise for Chloe.

CHLOE
I think she likes you.

LUCIFER
Of course she does. What’s not to *
like? *

END OF ACT THREE *
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 37.

ACT FOUR *

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Comedy"]

Summary Outside an elementary school, Chloe, Lucifer, and Trixie encounter Dan, leading to a tense exchange about their cases. Lucifer humorously threatens Dan, while Trixie's innocent questions lighten the mood. Chloe expresses frustration with Dan's tardiness, and as they leave, Trixie surprises Chloe by expressing her fondness for Lucifer, adding to the awkwardness of the situation.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Dynamic character interactions
High-stakes conflict
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Slightly predictable outcomes

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Chloe and Dan, showcasing their professional rivalry and personal history. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict and reveal their emotions more subtly.
Lucifer's introduction to Dan is humorous and aligns with his character's bravado, but the threat he poses feels slightly out of place in front of Trixie. This could be adjusted to maintain the humor without overshadowing the innocence of the child.
Trixie's lines are charming and provide comic relief, but her question about a hooker feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the flow of the scene. It may come off as forced rather than a natural curiosity for a child.
Chloe's quick decision to leave Trixie with Dan feels rushed. A moment of hesitation or concern about leaving her daughter could add depth to her character and highlight her struggles as a working mother.
The scene ends on a light note, but it lacks a strong emotional beat that could tie back to the previous scene's tension. Incorporating a moment of reflection or a shared look between Chloe and Lucifer could enhance the emotional stakes.

Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext to Chloe and Dan's dialogue to convey their underlying feelings about their relationship and parenting without explicitly stating it.
Modify Lucifer's threat to Dan to be more playful and less violent, ensuring it fits the tone of the scene and maintains Trixie's innocence.
Rephrase Trixie's question about a hooker to make it feel more organic, perhaps by having her ask about something she overheard at school, which would be more believable for her character.
Include a moment where Chloe hesitates before leaving Trixie with Dan, showcasing her internal conflict as a mother who is torn between work and family.
End the scene with a more poignant moment that reflects the themes of family and responsibility, perhaps with a shared look or comment between Chloe and Lucifer that hints at their growing connection.

Scene 15 - Tension in the Waiting Room

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

21A INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE - WAITING ROOM - DAY 21A *

Lucifer and Chloe wait... *

LUCIFER *
Was your offspring planned or a *
mistake? *

CHLOE *
Excuse me? *
(off his you-heard-me look) *
Planned. Sort of. *

LUCIFER *
Hmm. Explain to me the human desire *
to procreate? Never understood it. *
Children are hideous little *
creatures. Terrible, taxing burdens. *
(off her look) *
Oh, your kid’s fine. I mean, nothing *
to crow about... but nothing to be *
too embarrassed about, either. *

Chloe just stares at him for a beat, dumbfounded. *

CHLOE *
Are you at all aware of how dickish *
you sound? *

Lucifer locks eyes with her... trying to work his mojo again. *

LUCIFER *
Speaking of dicks -- why was that *
dumdum you were married to *
pressuring you to close the case? *

CHLOE *
No reason. *

LUCIFER *
(frowns, not used to this) *
Strange. *

CHLOE *
Yes, you are. *

LUCIFER *
No, I’m still not affecting you. *

CHLOE *
Actually, you’re making me *
nauseous. *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 38.
21A CONTINUED: 21A

Lucifer studies her for a beat, intrigue now verging on *
concern. *

LUCIFER *
Hmm, did My Father send you? *

Dr. Linda Martin pokes her head out... *

DR. LINDA MARTIN *
Okay Detective, I’ll see you now. *

Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Crime"]

Summary In a therapist's waiting room, Lucifer and Chloe engage in a provocative conversation about parenthood, with Lucifer expressing disdain for children and questioning human procreation. Chloe challenges his insensitivity, revealing her frustrations about her past marriage. Their banter showcases a mix of humor and tension, highlighting their contrasting views on family. The moment is interrupted when Dr. Linda Martin calls Chloe in for her appointment, leaving their unresolved conflict hanging in the air.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Dynamic character interactions
Intriguing plot developments

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may come off as overly sarcastic or confrontational

Critique

The scene effectively captures the dynamic between Lucifer and Chloe, showcasing their contrasting perspectives on parenthood and relationships. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their interactions. While Lucifer's comments are humorous, they lack emotional weight that could enhance Chloe's responses.
Lucifer's character is consistent with his established persona, but his disdain for children could be explored further. It might be interesting to hint at a deeper reason for his views, possibly tied to his own past or his relationship with his father, which could add layers to his character.
Chloe's reactions are strong and provide a good counter to Lucifer's provocations. However, her dismissal of Lucifer's comments could be more nuanced. Instead of simply calling him 'dickish,' she could articulate why his views are offensive, providing an opportunity for her character to shine and for the audience to empathize with her.
The introduction of Dr. Linda Martin feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition. Adding a moment of silence or a brief visual cue before she enters could heighten the anticipation and provide a natural break in the conversation.
The pacing of the scene is mostly effective, but there are moments where the dialogue could be tightened. For instance, some lines could be trimmed or rephrased for more impact, ensuring that each exchange feels crisp and engaging.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Lucifer reflects on his own childhood or relationship with his father when discussing children, which could provide more depth to his character and his views.
Enhance Chloe's response to Lucifer's comments by having her articulate her feelings about parenting, perhaps sharing a personal anecdote that reveals her struggles and joys as a mother.
Introduce Dr. Linda Martin with a brief moment of tension or anticipation, such as a lingering silence after Chloe's last line, to create a smoother transition into her entrance.
Tighten the dialogue by removing any unnecessary filler words or phrases. Aim for each line to serve a purpose, whether it’s to advance the plot, reveal character, or enhance the thematic elements of the scene.
Explore the potential for Lucifer to acknowledge Chloe's discomfort with his comments, perhaps leading to a moment of vulnerability where he questions his own views, creating an opportunity for character growth.

Scene 16 - Charm and Confessions

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

22 INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE - DAY 22

Lucifer and Chloe sit opposite the therapist, DR. LINDA
MARTIN, very uptight and very put-together.

CHLOE
I’d like to ask you a few questions
about Delilah...

Linda nods, but she can’t take her eyes off Lucifer. He nods
and smiles, very understanding.

LUCIFER
You’re thinking about it, aren’t
you?

LINDA
What?

LUCIFER
It’s not a good idea. I’m like
walking heroin. Very habit-forming.
Never ends well.

CHLOE
I’m sorry, do you two know each
other?

LUCIFER
No, but I know that look.

LINDA
(trying to snap out of it)
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.

LUCIFER
(turns to Chloe)
It’s interesting because you don’t
look at me that way.

CHLOE
What way?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 38A.
22 CONTINUED: 22

LUCIFER
With carnal fascination.

CHLOE
That’s because it doesn’t exist.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 39.
22 CONTINUED: 22

LUCIFER
No, you see, that’s just it... with
most women it does. I tend to
appeal to the dark, mischievous
heart within all of you. But you,
Detective -- you seem oddly immune
to my charms.

CHLOE
Referring to them as charms is a
stretch. Truth be told, I find you
repulsive. Like on a chemical
level. Seriously, you’re gross. I
mean, you flat out give me the
heebie-jeebies.

LUCIFER
Fascinating.

LINDA
You say it’s fascinating. But I can *
see it disturbs you, doesn’t it? *
Deeply.

Lucifer now turns to Linda. Huh. She just read him pretty
damn well. What-the-F is going on lately? Chloe plows on... *

CHLOE
Dr. Martin, we know Delilah was
having a clandestine affair with a
wealthy married man. Just tell us
his name and we’ll be on our way.

LINDA
I’m sorry, I can’t do that.

LUCIFER
(aside to Chloe) *
She’s one of the complex ones.
(then leans in to Linda)
Linda... darling... tell me. *

LINDA
I can’t. I want to!! But I can’t!
You’re the devil!

LUCIFER
Correct. Now... tell me, Dr.
Martin. I know you want to...

LINDA
(really struggling)
Oh, darn... it’s really juicy, too.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 40.
22 CONTINUED: (2) 22

CHLOE
(flummoxed) *
Did you ruffie her? This is *
unbelievable.

LUCIFER
It’s not her fault. She’s just
reacting to me. Watch and learn.
(back to Linda)
The answer is yes. We can take a *
trip to pound town if we must. But *
you have to tell us, Linda. *

LINDA
(bursting)
Mmmmmmokay, it’s Grey Cooper.

CHLOE
Grey Cooper? Seriously? That is
pretty juicy.

LUCIFER
(disgusted)
The actor? The one married to Amanda
What’s-her-face? Oh, he’s horrible.
So square-jawed and handsome. So
vanilla. I’m really quite *
disappointed in Delilah. Truly
terrible taste in the opposite sex.

CHLOE
Thank you doctor, we’ll be in touch.
(to Lucifer)
Let’s go.

LUCIFER
Of course, but I made a deal. I need
to hold up my end of the bargain.

CHLOE
(incredulous) *
You’re not actually talking about *
having sex with her?? Now? *

Lucifer looks at Chloe. She’s right. This can wait. He looks
at Linda, who smiles languidly, shifts in her seat...

LINDA
I do a lot of yoga. I am freakishly
flexible... wanna see?
(then)
Wow, really tried to keep that in.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 41.
22 CONTINUED: (4) 22

LUCIFER
(gets up)
You tried. That’s what matters.
(then)
I do apologize, but I’m going to
have to take a rain check. I will
be back.

LINDA
I certainly hope so.

LUCIFER
My word is my bond.

Chloe shakes her head, beyond stymied, following Lucifer out.

Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Crime"]

Summary In a therapist's office, Lucifer and Chloe seek information about Delilah's affair. Lucifer's flirtatious demeanor distracts Dr. Linda Martin, who struggles to maintain professionalism. Despite Chloe's skepticism and disdain for Lucifer's antics, Linda ultimately reveals the name of Delilah's lover, Grey Cooper, under Lucifer's influence. The scene concludes with Lucifer choosing to delay a personal encounter with Linda, leaving Chloe frustrated.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character dynamics
Plot development
Intriguing revelations

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may come off as overly sarcastic or forced at times

Critique

The scene effectively showcases the dynamic between Lucifer, Chloe, and Dr. Linda Martin, highlighting Lucifer's charm and Chloe's skepticism. However, the humor sometimes overshadows the emotional weight of the investigation into Delilah's death, which could be better balanced.
Lucifer's dialogue is witty and engaging, but it risks becoming repetitive in its flirtation with Linda. The scene could benefit from more variety in his interactions to prevent the humor from feeling formulaic.
Chloe's character is strong, but her reactions could be more varied. She often appears as the straight man to Lucifer's antics, which can make her feel one-dimensional. Adding layers to her responses would enhance her character development.
The pacing of the scene is brisk, which is generally good for maintaining energy, but there are moments where a slight pause could allow the weight of the information about Delilah's affair to resonate more with the audience.
Linda's internal conflict is an interesting element, but it feels somewhat underdeveloped. Expanding on her struggle to maintain professionalism in the face of Lucifer's charm could add depth to her character and the scene overall.

Suggestions

Introduce a moment of seriousness where the stakes of the investigation are emphasized, perhaps through Chloe's frustration or desperation, to create a contrast with the humor.
Consider adding a line or two that hints at Linda's backstory or her professional ethics, which could make her character more relatable and her struggle more impactful.
Incorporate physical reactions from Chloe that reflect her growing exasperation with both Lucifer and Linda, which could enhance the comedic tension and showcase her emotional state.
Explore the potential for a moment of vulnerability from Lucifer, allowing him to briefly drop his bravado and reveal a glimpse of his internal conflict regarding his identity and relationships.
Ensure that each character's motivations are clear, especially Linda's. A line that reflects her professional commitment to confidentiality, despite her attraction to Lucifer, could add complexity to her character.

Scene 17 - Chaos on Set

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 8

23 EXT. DOWNTOWN - INDUSTRIAL AREA - DAY 23

Lucifer walks with purpose down a dingy street, pushing his
way past a GROUP OF ONLOOKERS crowded behind a barrier. As he
starts to pass, a feeble TRAFFIC COP tries to stop him.

TRAFFIC COP
Sir. Uh. You have to stay behind
the barricade--

Lucifer ignores him, stepping casually past the barricade
when suddenly, a MUSCLE CAR comes SPEEDING around the corner.
Pursued by TWO COP CARS. Lights. Sirens. And GUNFIRE!

Muscle car’s tire BLOWS. Car FLIPS. And CRASH-SLIDES right
towards Lucifer, who doesn't move as it skids to a halt
inches from him. When we HEAR...

24 EXT. DOWNTOWN - INDUSTRIAL AREA - CONTINUOUS 24

A.D.(O.S)
WHO THE FU(air-horn) IS THIS GUY?!

TRANSITION TO: this same moment over A VIDEO MONITOR... where
a pissed-off A.D. storms out from behind it. We’re on a film
set. And Lucifer has just fucked up the big shot. Chloe
hurries in behind him, couple UNIFORMS in her wake. She
flashes her badge.

CHLOE
He's with me! Sorry.

Lucifer eyes the STUNT ACTOR being helped out of the *
overturned car. He's square-jawed, handsome, and vanilla.
But...

LUCIFER
You're not Grey Cooper.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 42.
24 CONTINUED: 24

A.D.
No! Of course not! What the hell is
this?

CHLOE
We need to speak with Grey Cooper.

Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Crime"]

Summary Lucifer confidently strides through a film set, ignoring a traffic cop's attempts to stop him. His reckless behavior leads to a nearby muscle car crashing, disrupting a crucial shot. Chloe arrives to support Lucifer and clarify his presence, while the frustrated A.D. expresses his annoyance at the chaos. They soon discover that the stunt actor they encounter is not the actor they are searching for, Grey Cooper, leaving them amidst the confusion of the set.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Mystery and intrigue
Tension and conflict

Weaknesses

Lack of significant character development in this scene

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension with the unexpected arrival of the muscle car and the police chase, creating a dynamic visual moment. However, the transition from the chaos of the chase to the film set feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother integration that maintains the energy of the chase while revealing the film set context.
Lucifer's nonchalance in the face of danger is consistent with his character, but the scene could delve deeper into his motivations for being there. Why is he so unconcerned about the chaos around him? Adding a brief internal thought or dialogue that reflects his perspective could enhance character depth.
The dialogue from the A.D. and Chloe serves its purpose, but it feels slightly generic. The A.D.'s frustration could be more colorful or exaggerated to reflect the absurdity of the situation, which would also amplify the comedic undertone of the scene.
Chloe's introduction of Lucifer feels a bit rushed. A moment where she expresses her exasperation with him could add a layer of humor and tension to their dynamic, reinforcing the push-pull relationship they have established throughout the script.
The visual details of the scene are strong, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. Consider adding a moment of realization for Lucifer about the gravity of the situation, perhaps a fleeting thought about how this chaos connects to Delilah's case, which would tie the scene more closely to the overall narrative.

Suggestions

Incorporate a brief internal monologue for Lucifer as he walks past the barricade, showcasing his indifference to danger and hinting at his motivations for being at the film set.
Revise the A.D.'s dialogue to be more distinctive or humorous, perhaps including a line that reflects the absurdity of the situation, enhancing the comedic element of the scene.
Add a moment where Chloe expresses her frustration with Lucifer's antics, possibly through a sarcastic remark about his penchant for causing chaos, which would deepen their dynamic.
Consider extending the action sequence slightly before revealing it's a film set, allowing the audience to experience the tension and confusion longer, making the reveal more impactful.
Connect the scene more explicitly to the overarching plot by having Lucifer reflect on how the chaos relates to Delilah's death, which would maintain narrative cohesion and add emotional weight.

Scene 18 - Secrets Unraveled

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

25 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - DIFFERENT AREA - MOMENTS LATER 25

Lucifer and Chloe now with the real GREY COOPER... same cuts *
and bruises as the stunt guy. The uniforms stand by. *

GREY COOPER *
God, Delilah, yeah... heard about *
that this morning. Can’t believe *
it. We did a movie together last *
year. Got pretty close. *

LUCIFER
Lovers?

GREY COOPER
Friends.

LUCIFER
Friends who were lovers?

Grey frowns. Who is this asshole? Chloe gives Lucifer a look. *

CHLOE *
Settle down. I’ll handle the
questions, thank you.
(to Grey) *
Mr. Cooper, when did you last have *
contact with Delilah? *

LUCIFER
Sorry, I just have one more
question before you proceed with
the boring ones--
(turns to a confused Grey)
What do you want more than
anything, Mr. Cooper? What is your
deepest, darkest desire? When you
close your eyes what do you see?

Chloe rolls her eyes. Here we go.

GREY COOPER
I'm the President of the United
States.

LUCIFER
Ha! Who’s the devil now?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 43.
25 CONTINUED: 25

Grey frowns -- confused by his bold admission. Lucifer looks *
to Chloe: Impressed? She is. Slightly. Chloe takes the baton. *

CHLOE
Those are some pretty big
aspirations there, Mr. Cooper.

GREY COOPER
(embarrassed/plays casual) *
Well. After the acting and, stuff--

CHLOE
Oh, don’t be embarrassed. Hell, if *
Arnold can do it, right? But ya *
know, you wouldn’t want any nasty *
secrets screwin’ that up, would you? *

GREY COOPER
No... I wouldn’t. *

CHLOE
Better to pull the skeletons out
now... public’s very forgetful. *

LUCIFER
More importantly, why would you
want to be a politician? I mean you
get to make movies? Isn’t that more *
fun? Not that I like yours much. *

A BLACK SUV rolls up behind them... *

GREY COOPER *
Is there a point to this? *

CHLOE *
Mr. Cooper, were you having an *
affair with Delilah? *

His mouth drops open... at a loss... when: *

AMANDA *
Honey, have you been getting my *
texts? I thought you were breaking *
for lunch like a half-hour ago-- *

AMANDA BELLO, a famous actress in her own right, walks up
behind Grey. Clocks Lucifer, Chloe and the weird vibe.

AMANDA (CONT’D)
What’s going on?

GREY COOPER
These people are detectives.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 44.
25 CONTINUED: (2) 25

AMANDA *
(confused)
Real ones?

CHLOE
Yes, ma’am. Well, I am.

LUCIFER
(takes in Amanda)
You’re really quite striking in
person. Luminous, actually.

AMANDA
Thank you!

LUCIFER
Interesting... I’ve never been very
fond of you on the big screen.

AMANDA
Thank you...?

LUCIFER *
I’m sorry, Lucifer... Morningstar. *

They shake hands. Lock eyes. The LUCIFER EFFECT gearing up...

AMANDA
Wow. Great name. What’s this about?

CHLOE
We had some questions. About Delilah.

Amanda lets go of Lucifer, nods to Chloe in that heartfelt way.

AMANDA
Oh. Yes. That’s so sad.

GREY COOPER
Yeah... very... sad... *

Grey wipes his brow... sweating nervously. As he does, Chloe *
zeroes in on a watch on his wrist -- IDENTICAL TO EDDIE’S. *

CHLOE *
Your watch. Where’d you get it? *

GREY COOPER *
Oh... um, it’s a prop... *

AMANDA *
(casual but knows something) *
No, that’s the one Delilah gave you, *
isn’t it? For Time Will Tell. *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 45.
25 CONTINUED: (3) 25

GREY COOPER *
(chuckles uncomfortably) *
Oh, right. That’s the movie we did. *
It was a... wrap gift. *

CHLOE *
She give a ten thousand dollar *
watch to the whole crew? *

GREY COOPER *
Oh, no. Just me. Far as I know. *
‘Cause we were... ya know, co-stars *
and everything. *

LUCIFER *
(locks eyes with Grey again) *
Gonna have to lie better than that *
if you wanna be president. *

GREY COOPER *
(devilish aside) *
I know, right? *

LUCIFER *
So you were sleeping with her then? *

GREY COOPER *
Oh, yeah. *

AMANDA *
Uh, I can hear you, Grey. *

CHLOE *
So can I. *

GREY COOPER *
(still whispers to Lucifer) *
Crap. I just said that out loud, *
didn’t I? In front of people. *
Police people. And my wife. *

AMANDA *
Whatever. Not like I didn’t know, *
Grey. You’re a terrible liar. And *
actor, by the way. *

GREY COOPER *
You knew? *

AMANDA *
Of course. Why do you think I’ve *
been sleeping with Bobby? *

*

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 46.
25 CONTINUED: (4) 25

Grey throws a shocked look over to his bodyguard, BOBBY, who *
about chokes on his own tongue. *

AMANDA (CONT’D) *
And lemme tell you, it’s gooood. I *
climb that man like a tree. *

GREY COOPER *
Are you serious?! My bodyguard?! *
What a cliché! *

AMANDA *
Oh, I’m a cliché?! Well, you’re a *
dick. *

Grey’s not sure where to direct his anger. So he attacks
Bobby. Amanda tries separate them. Lucifer and Chloe watch
the clusterfuck for a sec, then Chloe nods at the uniforms.

CHLOE
Arrest them.
(turns to Lucifer)
One of ‘em’s gotta be guilty.

LUCIFER
Now that was fun.

Chloe can’t help but crack the slightest smug smile. As this
time... they watch the chaos they BOTH created. *

END OF ACT FOUR
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 47.

ACT FIVE

Genres: ["Mystery","Crime","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Lucifer and Chloe interrogate actor Grey Cooper about his connection to the deceased Delilah, leading to humorous exchanges about his aspirations. The situation escalates when Grey's wife, Amanda, arrives, revealing both her husband's affair with Delilah and her own infidelity with his bodyguard, Bobby. Tensions boil over into a physical confrontation between Grey and Bobby, prompting Chloe to arrest both men, while Lucifer finds amusement in the chaos.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Dynamic character interactions
Revealing secrets and conflicts
Humorous and dramatic tone

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly sarcastic or confrontational
Character relationships and secrets may be complex for some viewers to follow

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and humorous essence of the show, balancing the tension of a murder investigation with the absurdity of celebrity interactions. Lucifer's charm and Chloe's professionalism create a dynamic contrast that keeps the audience engaged.
The dialogue is witty and snappy, particularly Lucifer's probing questions about desires, which add depth to his character while also providing comedic relief. However, at times, the humor risks overshadowing the gravity of the investigation, especially with the rapid-fire revelations of infidelity.
The introduction of Amanda adds an unexpected twist that escalates the conflict, but her character could benefit from more depth. As a famous actress, her motivations and feelings about the situation could be explored further to enhance the emotional stakes.
The pacing of the scene is generally strong, but the transition from the initial questioning to the chaos of the altercation feels slightly abrupt. A smoother build-up to the physical confrontation could enhance the overall flow.
The visual elements, such as the watch and the physical altercation, are effective in conveying the tension and stakes of the scene. However, incorporating more sensory details could help ground the audience in the setting, making the chaos feel more immediate and visceral.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Amanda expresses her feelings about Delilah's death to deepen her character and provide emotional weight to the scene.
Enhance the build-up to the physical altercation by including more verbal sparring or escalating tension between the characters before it erupts into chaos.
Introduce a visual or auditory cue that signifies the shift from investigation to chaos, such as a sudden loud noise or a dramatic camera angle, to make the transition feel more intentional.
Explore the backstory between Grey and Amanda briefly to provide context for their relationship dynamics, which could heighten the tension during the confrontation.
Ensure that the humor does not detract from the seriousness of the investigation. Balancing comedic moments with more reflective dialogue could maintain the stakes while still keeping the tone light.

Scene 19 - A Moment of Clarity

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

26 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT (NIGHT 2) 26

A VIGIL honoring Delilah on the sidewalk. Candles and letters
around a small TV playing one of Delilah’s performances.

27 INT. LUX - NIGHT 27

Chloe’s got a beer in one hand, cell in the other -- smug *
smile gone. Lucifer sips a scotch, spinning THAT COIN. Maze *
stands a few yards away, watching disapprovingly.

CHLOE (ON PHONE) *
I know. Check again. What about *
their assistants’ phones, *
nannies?... Fan pages? Twitter? *
(sighs, listens) *
Okay... Call if anything changes. *
(hangs up, slugs her beer) *
Grey and Amanda have zero *
connection to the shooter or the *
driver. Maybe the shooter wasn’t *
working for anyone. Maybe this *
thing does start and end with him. *

LUCIFER
No. I don’t believe it.

CHLOE
He did have the same watch as Grey.
Can’t be a coincidence. Maybe *
Delilah gave it to him, too? Kind *
of her go-to gift. *

LUCIFER
But that would imply she was
sleeping with that maggot.

CHLOE
Let's see, Jimmy, 2VILE, Grey
Cooper... She was sleeping with
three other maggots. Not like she
had tremendous discretion.
(another gulp of beer) *
God... why am I here?

LUCIFER
Wrong deity, but that is the
eternal question, isn’t it?

CHLOE
No. I mean, here. In a bar. With
you.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 48.
27 CONTINUED: 27

They look at each other. Lucifer serious now... *

LUCIFER
I don’t know, Detective. Despite *
your proclaimed revulsion, you *
can’t deny there’s a connection *
between us. Tell me... what do you *
really want? *

CHLOE
(half-smiles, mocking him)
You mean, WHAT do I desire more
than anything in this life?

LUCIFER *
Yes. No tricks -- not that they
work with you, you freak. Tell me.
I’m curious.

Lucifer finally seems genuine here. She loosens up. Maybe
it’s the beer... maybe not.

CHLOE
I suppose what I was saying before
wasn’t all a lie... I do want to
help people... I dunno...

Lucifer frowns, more teasing than judging.

LUCIFER
Your purity repulses me. *

CHLOE
Well, your lack of it isn’t wildly
attractive either.

A moment shared. They tip their drinks to each other. Touché. *

CHLOE (CONT’D)
My father was a cop. A pretty great
one. My mother was an actress.
Pretty cheesy one. I tried the *
acting thing. Took my top off, not
exactly contributing to the
betterment of society.

LUCIFER
--disagree--

CHLOE
Anyway. Didn’t like how it made me
feel about myself. So I quit.
Became a cop like my old man.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 49.
27 CONTINUED: (2) 27
CHLOE (CONT'D)
Endured the staring and teasing
from the entire department. ‘Til I *
became a detective and found a
whole new way to ostracize myself.

LUCIFER
Ah. The reason your ex-maggot was *
pressuring you to close this. *

CHLOE
Yeah. Few months ago, I saw a case *
differently than a lot of people in
the department -- including my ex.
Stuck my neck out ...backfired. Now
most of ‘em hate me. And nobody’ll
work with me.

LUCIFER
I’m available. *

Chloe shakes her head, but can’t help but smile. Maze *
interrupts to grab glasses, when a familiar MUSIC CUE plays -- *
a SONG CALLED “TIME WILL TELL.” ON THE BAR TV: NEWS COVERAGE *
showing the outpouring of support from Delilah’s fans. A
REPORTER commenting on the recent rise of her album sales.

MAZE
(to Lucifer, bit spiteful)
Too bad your little protegé’s not
around to cash the check.

Chloe’s face goes slack -- light bulb moment.

CHLOE *
Oh wow. Delilah gave Grey a watch for *
the movie Time Will Tell. Get it? *

LUCIFER *
Very poetic. *

CHLOE *
She gave one to someone else, too. *
But not to the drug dealer... *

Genres: ["Mystery","Crime","Drama"]

Summary In a bar at night, Chloe grapples with her investigation into Delilah's shooting while a vigil for Delilah takes place outside. Frustrated and feeling isolated, she confides in Lucifer, who teases her but also encourages her to confront her desires. Their conversation deepens their connection, despite Maze's disapproval. As they share vulnerabilities and light-hearted banter, Chloe has a breakthrough regarding Delilah's watch, linking it to the case.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character dynamics
Mystery elements

Weaknesses

Some cliched moments
Predictable character interactions

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Chloe and Lucifer, showcasing their dynamic relationship through witty banter and shared vulnerabilities. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their connection. While they exchange words, the emotional weight of their pasts and the current situation could be more pronounced, enhancing the stakes of their conversation.
Chloe's character development is evident as she reveals her struggles with her career and past choices. This adds depth to her character, but the scene could explore her feelings more explicitly. For instance, instead of merely stating her desire to help people, she could share a specific moment that solidified this desire, making her motivations relatable and poignant.
Lucifer's charm and teasing nature are well-represented, but his transition from playful to serious could be smoother. The moment where he asks Chloe what she really wants feels slightly abrupt, lacking a clear emotional build-up that would make it feel more impactful. This could be improved by incorporating more gradual shifts in tone leading up to this question.
The introduction of Maze's disapproval adds a layer of tension, but her role in this scene feels underdeveloped. A more active participation from Maze could enhance the dynamics and provide additional commentary on the relationship between Chloe and Lucifer, perhaps through her reactions or interjections during their conversation.
The revelation about Delilah giving a watch to Grey is a strong plot point, but the lead-up to this realization feels somewhat rushed. It might be beneficial to build up to this moment with more clues or hints throughout the dialogue, allowing the audience to engage more fully with the revelation.

Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Chloe and Lucifer, allowing their past experiences to inform their current conversation. This could involve more reflective dialogue that hints at their deeper feelings.
Incorporate a specific anecdote from Chloe's past that illustrates her desire to help people, making her motivations more relatable and emotionally resonant.
Smooth the transition from playful banter to serious inquiry by gradually building up the emotional stakes before Lucifer asks Chloe what she really wants.
Give Maze a more active role in the scene, possibly by having her interject with her own observations or criticisms, which could enhance the tension and provide additional context for Chloe and Lucifer's relationship.
Slow down the pacing leading to the revelation about the watch, providing more clues throughout the conversation that hint at this connection, allowing the audience to piece together the mystery alongside the characters.

Scene 20 - Midnight Showdown in the Studio

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

28 INT. RECORDING STUDIO - LATER THAT NIGHT 28

Late night session. A YOUNG BOY BAND recording. Tired mixers
at work. And... JIMMY, harping on a Justin Bieber-y kid. Door *
booms open. TECHS and MIXERS curse as Lucifer and Chloe
interrupt the session, making a bee-line for Jimmy.

JIMMY BARNES
Really?! Wasn’t enough to destroy
my wedding, huh--

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 50.
28 CONTINUED: 28

CHLOE
How’re the album sales doing?

Jimmy winces at that one. Hides his fear. But not well.

JIMMY BARNES *
What album? *

CHLOE *
The soundtrack for Time Will Tell. *
That YOU produced... Whitney *
Houston reached the top 10 for
album sales after her death.
Michael Jackson hit the
stratosphere! I’m not sure you’ll
achieve the same heights by having
Delilah killed, but that’s still a *
buttload of royalty checks comin’ *
your way. Not a bad year for you.
Guess you need that cash, huh?
Which is why you had to pay the *
shooter with your watch. *

LUCIFER
The watch Delilah gave you. Now *
that’s just sick, but then you are,
so...

Jimmy’s sweaty face turns red. Then. He does something
unexpected -- he GRABS one of the BAND BOYS as a shield and
whips out a fucking GUN! Chloe’s gun is out in a blink.

CHLOE
WHOA! Hey! Jimmy?!

The room freezes.

JIMMY BARNES
I made her! And she ruined me! She
humiliated me! She owes me!

Lucifer doesn't seem threatened by this escalation. Because
he isn't. He advances on Jimmy.

LUCIFER
You’re not God, Jimmy. You didn’t
make her. But you did destroy her.
So I’m going to punish you.

JIMMY BARNES *
Back off, you freak! I mean it! I’m *
not going to prison for that bitch. *
NO chance. *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 50A.
28 CONTINUED: (2) 28

But Lucifer keeps approaching. Now Chloe has to jump in. *

CHLOE
Listen to him! Back off!

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - LAVENDER - 3/21/15 51.
28 CONTINUED: (3) 28

LUCIFER
It’s fine. I told you. I’m immortal.

Jimmy’s twitchy. Lucifer gets way too close and Jimmy SWINGS
his gun up to fire on Lucifer when BOOM, BOOM! Chloe gets off
two shots first. One hits a lamp. The other nails Jimmy. He *
drops to the ground. Dead. And here's the fun part... LUCIFER
IS PISSED.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!

CHLOE
(what?!)
He was going to kill you!

LUCIFER
No-no-no you just let him off too
easy! He needs to suffer! He needs
to pay! He needs to feel the pain,
not escape it!

CHLOE
(trying to understand him)
Well, don’t worry. I’m sure where
he’s going the pain and
punishment’s coming...

LUCIFER
(sighs, irritated)
Actually, no. It’s not. And why?
Because I am here, and--

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. All eyes were off Jimmy who is still
ticking and FIRES off three shots at Chloe. One LANDS. Chloe
goes down.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
No!

Chloe staggers. BLOOD coming up fast. Lucifer hurries to her
side. She looks up at him through clouded, murky eyes.

CHLOE
I don’t want to die...

LUCIFER
I won’t let you... My father will
just have to wait for you.

The moment is interrupted by more SHOTS from Jimmy. Lucifer
protects Chloe now -- using his own body as a shield. He
cringes. Fuck that hurts. WE see it, SHE doesn’t.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 52.
28 CONTINUED: (3) 28

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Wait here a second...

Lucifer turns and WE STAY IN CHLOE’S POV -- her vision
blurred. Distorted. She’s catching only glimpses... but sees
Lucifer walk over... grab Jimmy by the neck and SLAM him up
against a nearby glass booth.

The glass cracks in a spiderweb... AND WE SEE Lucifer’s
broken, demonic face in the shattered glass behind Jimmy.

JIMMY BARNES
Please. Don’t kill me.

Lucifer flips Jimmy around to see THAT HORRID, NIGHTMARISH
REFLECTION.

LUCIFER
You’re going to wish that was all I
did to you.

And then CHLOE’S VISION is lost to BLACK and we HEAR Jimmy’s
blood-curdling SCREAM over a moment in DARKNESS...

Which then gives way to a BRIGHT TUNNEL OF LIGHT... Oh, wait.
It’s just a regular light. A HOSPITAL BED LIGHT...

Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense late-night confrontation at a recording studio, Jimmy Barnes, feeling cornered by Chloe and Lucifer, takes a band member hostage and threatens them with a gun. As the situation escalates, Chloe shoots Jimmy to protect Lucifer but is injured in the process. In the aftermath, Lucifer, enraged by Chloe's actions, prepares to confront Jimmy, leading to a violent showdown that leaves Chloe unconscious and Jimmy dead.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Emotional depth
Surprising twists
Character development

Weaknesses

Sudden escalation of violence
Complexity of moral themes

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension with a high-stakes confrontation, but the pacing feels rushed, particularly in the transition from dialogue to action. The dialogue preceding the gunfire could benefit from more gradual escalation to heighten suspense and allow the audience to fully absorb the stakes.
Lucifer's character is consistent with his established persona, showcasing his confidence and willingness to confront danger. However, his reaction to Chloe shooting Jimmy could be explored further. His anger seems disproportionate to the situation, and a clearer emotional arc would help the audience connect with his motivations.
Chloe's character is strong, but her decision to shoot Jimmy feels somewhat abrupt. While it is a reactive decision in a tense moment, providing a moment of internal conflict or hesitation could deepen her character and make the action feel more earned.
The visual elements in the scene are compelling, particularly the imagery of Lucifer's demonic reflection in the glass. However, more visual descriptions of the setting could enhance the atmosphere. Describing the recording studio's ambiance—such as the clutter, the dim lighting, or the tension among the crew—would create a more immersive experience.
The dialogue is sharp and witty, maintaining the show's signature tone, but some lines could be trimmed for brevity. For instance, Lucifer's monologue about punishment could be more impactful if it were more concise, allowing the moment to feel more urgent and less verbose.

Suggestions

Consider slowing down the pacing of the scene to build tension more effectively. Allow for a few more beats of dialogue or action before the gun is drawn to increase suspense.
Explore Lucifer's emotional response to Chloe's actions more deeply. Perhaps include a moment of reflection or a flashback that informs his reaction, making it clear why he feels so strongly about punishment.
Add a moment of hesitation for Chloe before she shoots Jimmy. This could involve a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that indicates her struggle with the decision, making her character arc more complex.
Enhance the setting description to create a more vivid atmosphere in the recording studio. Incorporate sensory details that reflect the chaos and tension of the moment.
Edit the dialogue to ensure it remains sharp and impactful. Focus on making Lucifer's lines more concise while still conveying his character's essence, allowing the stakes of the scene to resonate more powerfully.

Scene 21 - Awakening in Tension

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

29 INT. HOSPITAL - ROOM - DAY (DAY 3) 29 *

Chloe is coming to. She finds Lucifer hovering over her.
Looking more like an angel than a devil. Good lighting.

LUCIFER
Well, look who’s back.

CHLOE
(groggy)
How long have I been out?

LUCIFER
Three years.

CHLOE
What?!

Lucifer smiles. The bastard just can’t help himself.

CHLOE (CONT’D)
You’re such an ass.
(then, remembering)
He was firing at you. Why are you
not more... dead?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GREEN DRAFT - 3/13/15 53.
29 CONTINUED: 29

LUCIFER
You're having a very hard time with
the immortal thing, aren't you?

CHLOE *
(struggling to make sense) *
Must’ve been delirious from the *
blood loss. *

LUCIFER *
Whatever helps you sleep, my dear. *

CHLOE *
What happened to Jimmy?

LUCIFER
He got what he deserved.

That hangs there. Another mystery Chloe will have to deal *
with later. She changes gears.

CHLOE
Well, I'm pretty sure I'd be dead
if you hadn’t helped me. So, thank
you.

LUCIFER
I'm sorry. I missed that last part.

CHLOE
(slightly annoyed smile)
Thank you. *

LUCIFER *
You're welcome.

Lucifer, suddenly uncomfortable with the warm exchange:

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
Besides, you're far too interesting
to let die.

CHLOE
You saved my life because you find
me... interesting?

LUCIFER
Wildly irritating as well, but yes. *

Lucifer grins, but can’t hide that there’s more to it than *
that. Chloe studies him, frowns... either can she... *

CHLOE *
So now what? *

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - GRAY - 3/19/15 54.
29 CONTINUED: (2) 29

LUCIFER
Well, obviously I’ve proven myself
as an invaluable crime-fighting
tool. You’re a pariah in the
department. I think this is the
beginning of a beautiful friendship,
don’t you?

CHLOE
Who the hell are you?

LUCIFER
I told you. I’m --

TRIXIE (O.S.)
Lucifer!

It’s Chloe’s daughter, Trixie. Ex-husband Dan in tow. Trixie
hugs Lucifer, which makes him hugely uncomfortable.

LUCIFER
Now, now. That’s enough, child.
Save some of this unpleasantness
for your mother.

Chloe glows at the sight of her daughter, tears up as Trixie
hugs her. Lucifer and Dan eye each other for a tense beat.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
I think she’s one hell of a
homicide detective, don’t you?

DAN
Yes. She is.
(to Chloe)
I’m happy for you.

CHLOE
Not sure you are, or just relieved
I didn’t cause problems again.

DAN
I’m trying to compliment you.

CHLOE
Okay... I’ll take it... thanks. And *
how ‘bout the department... They *
happy for me? *

DAN
Gettin’ there. *
(not)
You need to be more careful. You
should’ve had backup.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 55.
29 CONTINUED: (3) 29

Lucifer jumps, defending himself...

LUCIFER
She had back up.

Dan looks at him. Right. As much as that challenges him, he
decides to keep it polite.

DAN
Thank you. For helping her.

Lucifer, on the other hand, doesn’t keep it polite:

LUCIFER
That’s hard for you, isn’t it? Not
to be a douche.

Dan’s mouth drops open, wants to slug him, but Lucifer’s
already halfway to the door.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
I’d stay for the family reunion,
but it’s giving me IBS. Look
forward to seeing you soon, Chloe--

CHLOE
--I don’t--

LUCIFER
--Bye now. Glad you’re not dead.

Lucifer leaves but looks back for a moment, curious as to why
he gives a good goddamn about any them. He frowns, troubled.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Mystery","Comedy"]

Summary Chloe wakes up in a hospital room to find Lucifer by her side, where they share a mix of playful banter and serious gratitude for his help in saving her life after a violent incident. The arrival of her daughter Trixie and ex-husband Dan introduces a tense but polite dynamic, particularly between Dan and Lucifer. As Trixie brings joy to Chloe, the underlying tensions between the adults remain palpable. The scene concludes with Lucifer leaving, troubled by his feelings for Chloe and her family.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Engaging character interactions
Blend of genres
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some moments of forced humor
Slightly predictable plot twists

Critique

The opening line from Lucifer is playful and sets a light-hearted tone, but it may benefit from a more immediate emotional hook. Consider starting with Chloe's perspective to ground the audience in her confusion and vulnerability before introducing Lucifer's humor.
Chloe's groggy state and her initial question about how long she has been out effectively convey her disorientation. However, the line 'Three years' feels slightly exaggerated for comedic effect and could be more impactful if it were toned down to something like 'A while' or 'Long enough to miss me.' This would maintain the humor while keeping it relatable.
Lucifer's line about Chloe struggling with the immortal concept is insightful and adds depth to their dynamic. However, it might strengthen the scene if Chloe's response reflects more of her emotional state regarding her near-death experience, rather than just a humorous denial of his claim.
The dialogue between Chloe and Lucifer flows well, but the transition into Chloe's gratitude feels abrupt. A more gradual acknowledgment of their connection and the stakes involved could enhance the emotional weight of her thanks.
Trixie's entrance is a sweet moment but feels slightly rushed. Expanding on the emotional exchange between Trixie and Chloe could enhance the impact of the reunion. Perhaps including a line where Trixie expresses her worry about her mother could deepen the emotional stakes.
The interaction between Lucifer and Dan is sharp and humorous, but it may come off as slightly one-dimensional. Adding layers to Dan's character—such as his underlying concern for Chloe or his conflicted feelings about Lucifer—could enrich the scene and heighten the tension.
Lucifer's exit line about IBS is funny but might detract from the emotional gravity of the moment. Consider having him leave with a more poignant line that reflects his internal struggle regarding his feelings for Chloe and his concern for her safety.

Suggestions

Start the scene from Chloe's perspective to establish her emotional state before introducing Lucifer's humor.
Adjust Lucifer's comedic response about the duration of Chloe's unconsciousness to maintain humor while keeping it relatable.
Enhance Chloe's response to Lucifer's comment about immortality to reflect her emotional turmoil about her near-death experience.
Gradually build up Chloe's gratitude towards Lucifer to give the moment more emotional weight.
Expand Trixie's entrance to include her expressing concern for Chloe, enhancing the emotional stakes of the reunion.
Add depth to Dan's character in his exchange with Lucifer to create more tension and complexity in their relationship.
Consider revising Lucifer's exit line to reflect his internal conflict and concern for Chloe, rather than relying solely on humor.

Scene 22 - Tensions of Mercy

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

30 EXT. LUX - STREET - NIGHT (NIGHT 3) 30 *

Lucifer pulls up. Gets out, handing his keys to the VALET who
greets him with a smile and says... Nothing. Because he has
just slipped into SLOW MOTION. Lucifer sighs.

LUCIFER
Damnit.

Close enough. Lucifer turns. Amenadiel watches from across
the street. They meet in the middle of slow-flowing traffic.

LUCIFER (CONT’D)
What do you want from me?

AMENADIEL
I’ve been watching you, Lucifer.

LUCIFER
Perv.

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 56.
30 CONTINUED: 30

AMENADIEL
And I’m not sure I like what I see.
You’re showing restraint. Mercy.

LUCIFER
Scared I’m turning away from the
Dark Side, bro? Gonna give you a
little competition for Dad’s fav?
Don’t worry, I’m not.

Something flashes in Lucifer’s eyes -- something evil.

AMENADIEL
I don’t believe you. The human *
world can be even more painful than *
hell, Lucifer. Stay here, and *
prepare to feel things you have *
never felt before. *

LUCIFER
(stone cold serious now)
Do not threaten me, Amenadiel. You *
won’t win.

AMENADIEL
(flash of anger) *
Then go BACK!! *

LUCIFER
(realizing... pleased) *
You’re the one who’s threatened. *

AMENADIEL
My hatred of you grows stronger
with each visit.

LUCIFER
Wouldn’t have it any other way,
pal. Look forward to eating your
heart one day. Peace.

Amenadiel turns and walks off. Lucifer watches him go...

31 INT. LUX - MOMENTS LATER 31

Lucifer drops down at the piano. Maze watches from a short
distance. What looks like A DAGGER spins on its point in the
palm of her hand. But before we get a good look, she stops
it... walks over to Lucifer... quiet.

LUCIFER
I sense your disapproval, Maze.
What is it?

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 56A.
31 CONTINUED: 31

MAZE
I just can’t understand why you
would save a human life.

Lucifer weighs this. Not sure himself. But plays it light...

(CONTINUED)
LUCIFER - Pilot - CHERRY - 3/18/15 57.
31 CONTINUED: (2) 31

LUCIFER
There’s something different about
her. Something I can’t figure out.
And it vexes me.

Maze eyes him, her own concern brewing.

MAZE
Maybe it’s not her that’s
different.

LUCIFER
Is this where I ask: whatever do
you mean?

MAZE
Stop caring! You’re The Devil!

LUCIFER
Yes. I am...

But there’s doubt in his eyes as he launches into an eerie
rendition of “Gimme Shelter” which continues over...

32 INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE/WAITING ROOM - DAY (DAY 4) 32 *

Dr. Linda Martin sits when she notices a little red light
BLINKING above her door. She’s confused -- doesn’t have an
appointment right now. She gets up, opens the door...

Linda startles. Because Lucifer is standing right there.

LUCIFER
Here’s the deal. We can have as
much naked cuddle time as you
desire. But I need you to listen to
me too. I have a few things I’d
like to discuss with you. An
existential dilemma or two. Deal?

Linda smiles. Deal. And as the door shuts behind them WE SMASH
TO BLACK and Van Halen’s “Runnin’ with the Devil” kicks in.

THE END

Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Mystery"]

Summary Lucifer confronts Amenadiel at Lux, where Amenadiel expresses concern over Lucifer's newfound compassion, leading to a tense exchange that reveals both characters' insecurities. After Amenadiel leaves, Maze questions Lucifer's decision to save a human life, prompting him to reflect on his feelings. The scene shifts to Dr. Linda Martin's office, where Lucifer humorously seeks her counsel on his existential dilemmas, establishing a new dynamic in their relationship.

Strengths

Complex characters
Sharp dialogue
Intense conflicts
Emotional depth
Mysterious atmosphere

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Occasional lack of subtlety in dialogue

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Lucifer and Amenadiel, showcasing their contrasting views on humanity and morality. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; while it has moments of wit, some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Amenadiel's warnings about human pain. This could be softened or made more subtle to enhance the natural flow of their conversation.
Lucifer's character is well-defined in this scene, displaying both his charm and his darker nature. The slow-motion effect adds a stylistic touch, but it may come off as overly dramatic for some readers. Consider whether this stylistic choice serves the story or if it distracts from the emotional weight of the confrontation.
Maze's entrance and her concern for Lucifer introduce an important emotional layer to the scene. However, her dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of simply expressing disapproval, she could share a personal story or an example of why saving a human life is contrary to Lucifer's nature, which would deepen their relationship and add weight to her perspective.
The transition from the confrontation with Amenadiel to Lucifer's introspection at the piano feels a bit abrupt. It might benefit from a more gradual shift, perhaps through a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes Lucifer's internal conflict before he begins to play.
The ending with Dr. Linda Martin is humorous and serves as a nice contrast to the heavier themes explored in the scene. However, it could be enhanced by adding a line that hints at Lucifer's deeper existential crisis, which would tie back to the earlier themes of the scene and provide a more cohesive narrative thread.

Suggestions

Consider revising Amenadiel's lines to make them more nuanced and less direct. Instead of stating he doesn't like what he sees, he could use metaphors or anecdotes to illustrate his concerns about Lucifer's choices.
Experiment with the pacing of the dialogue. Allow for pauses or interruptions that can enhance the tension and give characters space to react to each other’s words more naturally.
Deepen Maze's character by giving her a more personal stake in Lucifer's choices. Perhaps she could reveal her own past with humanity, making her warnings more poignant and relatable.
Add a transitional moment between the confrontation and the piano scene, such as a visual cue (e.g., a flickering light or a moment of stillness) that reflects Lucifer's internal struggle.
In the final exchange with Dr. Linda, consider incorporating a line that suggests Lucifer's existential dilemma is more than just a casual topic for discussion, hinting at the emotional weight he carries from the events that have unfolded.