Catch me if you can

Genres: Unique, genres:, Drama, Thriller, Crime, Family, Adventure, Comedy, Action, Mystery, Romance, Suspense

Overview Catch Me If You Can is a thrilling and compelling story that follows the life of Frank Abagnale Jr., a young man with a talent for deception and impersonation. From his early successes as an imposter pilot and doctor to his eventual capture by FBI agent Joe Shaye, the story takes us on a journey of deception, redemption, and the pursuit of dreams.

Theme The central themes of Catch Me If You Can include identity and deception, desperation and vulnerability, justice and consequences, family and loyalty, and ambition and the pursuit of dreams.

Characters The main characters in Catch Me If You Can are Frank Abagnale Jr., a charismatic and resourceful conman; Joe Shaye, an FBI agent determined to catch Frank; Frank Sr., Frank Jr.'s loyal and ambitious father; and Brenda, a love interest who becomes entangled in Frank's world of deception.

Conflict The main conflict in Catch Me If You Can revolves around Frank Abagnale Jr.'s constant pursuit of new identities and his cat-and-mouse game with FBI agent Joe Shaye. As Frank switches personas and continues to elude capture, the stakes rise and the conflict between the two intensifies.

Story Telling Catch Me If You Can utilizes a blend of suspenseful storytelling, witty dialogue, and strategic scene transitions to keep the audience engaged and curious. The script often includes flashbacks and non-linear storytelling techniques to reveal key moments in Frank's past and highlight the depth of his deception.

Tone and Style The overall tone and style of Catch Me If You Can can be described as suspenseful, witty, and emotionally compelling. The script presents a balance of intense moments and lighthearted interactions, keeping the audience invested in Frank's story.

Setting Catch Me If You Can is set in various locations, ranging from a dim prison cell to an airline cockpit, a high school classroom, and a banquet room. Each setting plays a vital role in Frank's journey, shaping the plot and adding depth to the story.

Audience Catch Me If You Can appeals to a wide range of audience members who enjoy thrilling, character-driven stories with a mix of suspense, humor, and emotional depth. It captivates viewers with its exploration of identity, deception, and the pursuit of dreams, while also exploring themes of family and loyalty.



Note: The ratings are the averages over each scene.
The Percentile is against the screenplays in our library.
Title
Grade
Percentile
Overall7.8  10
Concept 7.1  4
Plot 7.9  44
Characters 7.7  6
Dialogue 6.9 6
Emotional Impact 6.9 27
Conflict Level 7.4 44
At least one Character Changes in the scene 6.4 71
Story Moves Forward 8.2 71
High Stakes 7.2 49
Internal Goal Score 7.8 3
External Goal Score 7.8 53
Originality Score 5.0 5
Engagement Score 8.3 18
Pacing Score 8.0 8
Formatting Score 8.6 3
Structure Score 7.8 3



Genres: Unique, genres:, Drama, Thriller, Crime, Family, Adventure, Comedy, Action, Mystery, Romance, Suspense



Summary The movie follows the life of Frank Abagnale Jr., a young man who successfully impersonates various professions before being caught. He is initially visited by FBI agent Joe Shaye in a prison cell and pleads for help as his health deteriorates. Despite Joe's initial refusal, he eventually becomes concerned when Frank's health worsens. However, Frank escapes the infirmary but is held at gunpoint and expresses a desire to go home. The movie also explores Frank's relationships with his family, his desire to become an airline pilot, and his encounters with Joe during his investigation. Eventually, Frank is apprehended and sentenced to prison, but he later agrees to join the FBI's fraud and counterfeiting unit. The film ends with Frank starting his new job at the FBI building in Dallas.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot/story of the screenplay is engaging and well-developed, with compelling character arcs and intriguing twists. The character of Frank Abagnale Jr. is particularly well-written, with a clear and compelling arc of redemption and growth. His transformation from a troubled young man to a white-collar crime consultant is believable and emotionally satisfying. Similarly, the character of Joe Shaye adds depth and intrigue to the story, with his evolving relationship with Frank and his own personal struggles. The screenplay effectively explores themes of family, identity, and redemption, and keeps the audience engaged throughout. However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The resolution of Frank Jr.'s family dynamics and his relationship with his son feels somewhat rushed and underdeveloped. Additionally, some of the plot twists involving Frank's claims to be Secret Service could be better integrated into the story and given more weight. Overall, these are minor critiques in an otherwise well-crafted screenplay.

Suggestions: 1. To improve the character arc of Frank Abagnale Jr., delve more deeply into his emotional state and the underlying causes of his behavior. Explore his trauma and how it affects his relationships with others, as well as his inner conflicts and doubts. 2. Flesh out the resolution of Frank Jr.'s family drama, with more emphasis on the long-term consequences and effects on his character. 3. Incorporate more backstory about Frank Jr.'s childhood and family life, in order to give the audience a greater understanding of the challenges he has faced. 4. Include more scenes that showcase Frank Jr.'s emotional struggles and inner conflicts, in order to make his transformation feel more earned. 5. Explore Joe Shaye's personal struggles and how they affect his job. Include more scenes where Joe interacts with his daughter and show how his work impacts his personal life. 6. Show more instances where Joe's empathy towards Frank is shown, and the audience can see his gradual shift from skeptic to a believer. 7. Strengthen the ending by showing the audience how Frank's life has changed, thanks to Joe's help.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Strong character development
  • Effective portrayal of desperation and conflict
  • Engaging plot and intriguing developments
Scene Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant emotional impact
  • Limited character development
  • Repetitive dialogue
  • Possible lack of clarity regarding story and character motivations
  • Absence of standout and memorable dialogue
Suggestions
  • Develop more impactful and nuanced dialogue to deepen character emotions and motivations
  • Provide more clarity on the overall story and its themes
  • Enhance emotional impact through stronger stakes and character changes
  • Improve pacing and smoothness of transitions
  • Create more memorable and memorable dialogue that stands out and contributes to character development

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Character Changes 6.4  68 The matrix: 6.3 Catch me if you can: 6.4
Story Forward 8.2  67 Killers of the flower moon: 8.1 Arsenic and old lace : 8.2
External Goal 7.75  51 As good as it gets: 7.63 Catch me if you can: 7.75
High Stakes 7.2  46 Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance): 7.1 Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 7.2
Conflict Level 7.4  40 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 7.3 True Blood: 7.4
Plot 7.9  40 Killers of the flower moon: 7.8 Everything everywhere all at once: 7.9
Emotional Impact 6.9  25 Madmen: 6.8 a few good men: 6.9
Engagement 8.25  16 Killers of the flower moon: 8.20 Catch me if you can: 8.25
Overall 7.8  7 Clerks: 7.7 sense 8: 7.8
Pacing 7.95  6 Breaking bad: 7.93 Catch me if you can: 7.95
Characters 7.7  4 the Shining: 7.6 Dr. Strangelove: 7.7
Dialogue 6.9  4 John wick: 6.7 Catch me if you can: 6.9
Originality 4.95  4 Breaking bad: 4.71 Catch me if you can: 4.95
Concept 7.1  2 - the Shining: 7.1
Formatting 8.58  1 - Catch me if you can: 8.58
Structure 7.83  1 - Catch me if you can: 7.83
Internal Goal 7.81  1 - Catch me if you can: 7.81



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Introducing Frank Abagnale Jr. on Game Show 7 7 77 6 589686775 69798
2 Frank's Desperation Desperate, Alarming, Concerned 9 9 85 9 8989899710 89998
3 Prison Escape Desperate, Alarmed, Horror, Cheering, Stunned 8 7 86 8 689899889 79897
4 Frank's Desperate Plea desperate, concerned, nostalgic 7 7 84 8 787969858 67889
5 Frank's Desperate Plea Desperate, Alarmed, Concerned 9 8 96 8 7789610978 79887
6 Frank Jr.'s Plea for Help Desperation, Concern, Alarm 9 8 95 8 878969949 89798
7 Frank's First Day at Monroe High School serious, tense, confused 8 7 73 7 678665755 67888
8 Frank's Secret 6 5 65 7 587876767 68897
9 Frank's Revelation pleading, informative, alarming, confused, defensive, confrontational 8 7 87 9 698455947 89788
10 Bar Confrontation and Court Hearing Desperation, Confusion, Defiance, Resignation, Disappointment 7 7 87 8 898997868 79899
11 Frank's Financial Struggles 8 7 84 7 687776866 67798
12 Frank's Transformation Dramatic, Humorous, Hopeful 8 7 85 7 798675866 67887
13 Frank's Father Fights Back Tense, Defensive, Emotional 7 7 66 8 689877879 69898
14 Frank's Determination Hopeful, Determined 8 8 83 7 708465856 66787
15 Frank's Journey Begins Hopeful, Excited, Nostalgic 8 7 80 8 600405806 60000
16 Frank's Determination Hopeful, Determined 8 8 76 9 687555846 79798
17 Frank's Journey Begins Serious, Light-hearted, Hopeful 8 7 93 8 787756856 79798
18 Undercover Agents and Forged Checks Humorous, Serious 8 7 85 9 479766865 88897
19 Encounter at the Tropicana Tense, Suspenseful, Serious 7 6 75 8 678878767 99898
20 The Switch Suspenseful, Humorous, Serious 8 7 85 8 508777966 77899
21 The Encounter Suspense, Humor 7 8 73 8 507866956 78899
22 Undercover Investigation Suspenseful, Humorous 7 7 86 7 689786976 89988
23 Frank's Secret Identity Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intriguing 8 7 82 6 478857936 76787
24 untitled 0 0 04 0 087060050 09887
25 Interruption Suspenseful, Romantic 7 7 74 8 587766766 79997
26 Frank's Secret Intrigue, Suspicion, Friendship, Nostalgia 8 7 85 8 687676766 77998
27 Frank's Secret Mission Suspenseful, Dramatic, Romantic 8 7 87 7 689887766 88798
28 Frank's Counterfeiting Operation Suspenseful, Intense 8 7 96 8 6889810877 79987
29 Frank's Revelation 7 8 75 6 686777846 67798
30 Revelations Suspense, Romantic, Dramatic 9 8 95 9 888999979 89878
31 The Chase Begins Suspense, Tension 7 6 75 6 687889865 59978
32 The Escape suspense, dramatic 8 7 82 7 607968966 78877
33 The Pursuit Tense, Suspenseful, Emotional 8 7 83 7 658877947 76897
34 Frank discovers the family business Suspenseful, Intense, Serious 8 7 88 7 878969877 698109
35 The Hunt Suspenseful, Intense, Determined 9 8 94 7 687878966 69997
36 The Courtroom Tense, Heartbreaking 7 6 84 8 897777779 79898
37 Frank's Escape 7 6 87 7 687789978 699109
38 Prison Visit Anxious, Suspenseful, Serious 8 7 86 8 778787878 79889
39 Frank's New Job tense, serious, suspenseful, awkward, somber, inquisitive, desperate 8 7 84 8 678868957 99798
40 Frank's Decision Distraught, Awkward, Serious, Hopeful, Resentful 9 7 85 9 987878969 89887
41 An Unexpected Offer distraught, awkward, hesitant 8 7 96 8 889777946 77988


Scene 1 - Introducing Frank Abagnale Jr. on Game Show
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN



Written by

Jeff Nathanson




1 INT. - GAME SHOW SET. - DAY 1


BLACK AND WHITE FOOTAGE FROM 1978

MUSIC UP:
A simple GAME SHOW SET -- one long desk-that houses four
"CELEBRITY PANELISTS," a small pulpit with attached
microphone
for the host, BUD COLLYER, who walks through the curtain to
the delight of the audience. Bud bows and waves to the
celebrities -- ORSON BEAN, KITTY CARLISLE, TOM POSTON, and
PEGGY CASS.

BUD COLLYER
Hello, panel, and welcome everyone
to another exciting day on "To Tell
The Truth." Let's get the show
started.

THE CURTAIN STARTS TO RISE
BRIGHT LIGHTS SHINE on the faces of THREE MEN who walk
toward
center stage. All thre n wear identical AIRLINE PILOT
UNIFORMS, each with m; c ng blue blazers and caps.
(cont' d)
Gentleman, please state
your names.

PILOT #1
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
THE PILOT IN THE MIDDLE steps forward.

PILOT #2
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
THE THIRD PILOT does the same.

PILOT #3
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
Bud smiles, grabs a piece of paper.
BUD COLLYER
Panel, listen to this one.
(he starts to read)
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr, and
some people consider me the worlds
greatest imposter.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




2.

1 CONTINUED: 1
As Bud reads, the CAMERA SLOWLY PANS the faces of the three

PILOTS.
BUD COLLYER (cont'd)

(READING)
From 1964 to 1966 I successfully
impersonated an airline pilot for
Pan Am Airlines, and flew over two
million miles for free. During that
time I was also the Chief Resident
Pediatrician at a Georgia hospital,
the Assistant Attorney General for
the state of Louisiana, and a
Professor of American History at a
prestigious University in France. By
the time I was caught and sentenced
to prison, I had cashed over six
million dollars in fraudulent checks
in 26 foreign countries and all fifty
states, and I did it all before my
18th birthday. To this day, I am the
only teenager ever to have been placed
on the FBI' s most wanted list.
My name is a Abagna l e Jr.
Warm applause as the THREE MEN walk behind
a desk that faces the pa They all sit down at exactly
the same time.

BUD COLLY (cont'd )
Okay, panel, you have ork cut
out for you. Kitty Carl , you
have the first question.

KITTY CARLISLE
Imposter number one, how many years
were you in prison?

PILOT #1
I served two years in France, and
five years in Atlanta, Georgia.

KITTY CARLISLE
Imposter number two, I find all this
very fascinating. Who was it that
finally caught you?

SLOWLY PUSH IN ON THE PILOT IN THE MIDDLE --
A thin smile across his lips as he faces the panel -- his
manicured hands out in front of him on the desk -- his back

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




3-

1 CONTINUED: (2) 1
straight in his chair -- his cap pulled slightly forward on
his head -- the way pilots like to wear them.

2 EXT. - PAPIGONE MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON. - MARSEILLE -
NIGHT 2


SUPER: MARSEILLE, FRANCE DECEMBER 25, 1967
A heavy rain falls on JOE SHAPE, 40's, who wears a black
hat
and holds a black umbrella as he bangs on the window of a
small GUARDHOUSE in front of a LARGE GATED PRISON. Joe is
sneezing as he holds up an IDENTIFICATION CARD TO THE GUARD.

JOE SHAPE
Joe Shaye, FBI.

3 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON WARDEN'S OFFICE. - DAY 3
Joe is walking down a long corridor inside the prison,
struggling to close his umbrella as he faces WARDEN GARREN
and TWO GUARDS.

JOE SHAPE
I have orders see a prisoner named
Abagnale, t e his statement and
solicit a c n ^ n so I can prepare
for tomorrow' tladition.
Joe takes a roll of CASH out of h` ocket, casually slips
the money to the Warden.

JOE SHAPE
If I give you another twenty, will
you turn up the heat in here?

4 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON - FRANK'S CELL/CORRIDOR. - DAY 4

Warden Garren is leading Joe down a small, isolated corridor
just off the main floor. They pass CEMENT DOORS with metal
SLIDE HOLES and numbers taped to the front. There are no
bars or windows in this area, and complete silence. Garren
stops at the last cell and opens the SLIDE HOLE.

WARDEN GARREN
Don't pass him anything through the

HOLE-
Garren walks off, and Joe immediately starts to smile,
looking
around for a long BEAT as he stares at the cell door.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




4.

4 CONTINUED: 4

JOE SHAYE
Yoohoo. Hello? Is the lady of the
house at home?
Joe tries to control his excitement as he kneels down and
looks through the metal slide hole.

THROUGH THE HOLE
Genres: []

Summary Three men claiming to be Frank Abagnale Jr. introduce themselves on a game show and reveal that they successfully impersonated various professions before being caught. Meanwhile, FBI agent Joe Shape visits a maximum-security prison to see Frank Abagnale Jr.
Strengths
    Weaknesses

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 7

      The scene effectively introduces the premise of the film and sets up the main character's background as a skilled imposter. The inclusion of both the game show and prison scenes adds variety and intrigue to the narrative.


      Story Content

      Concept: 7

      The concept of a young imposter successfully impersonating various professions is intriguing and offers a unique perspective on crime and deception.

      Plot: 7

      The plot is well-structured, starting with the introduction of the imposters on the game show and then transitioning to the FBI agent visiting the prison. This sets up the conflict and establishes the main character's past.

      Originality: 7

      This scene has some originality in its depiction of the protagonist's fraudulent achievements and the specific details of his impersonation. The actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall story.


      Character Development

      Characters: 6

      The characters are introduced effectively, with the three imposters displaying confidence and the FBI agent showing determination.

      Character Changes: 5

      There is minimal character development in this scene, as it mainly serves to introduce the characters and their backgrounds.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impress and intrigue the panelists and audience with his fraudulent achievements. It reflects his desire for recognition, validation, and a sense of superiority.

      External Goal: 9

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince the panelists and audience of his abilities as an imposter. It reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining his credibility and avoiding suspicion.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 6

      The conflict is introduced through the imposters' deception and the FBI agent's investigation, creating tension and raising questions about the main character's motives.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of convincing the panelists and audience of his abilities while also maintaining his credibility and avoiding suspicion. The audience is unsure of how the scene will unfold.

      High Stakes: 6

      The stakes are raised with the revelation of the imposters' successful impersonations and the FBI agent's pursuit of the truth.

      Story Forward: 7

      The scene effectively sets up the story and provides important background information, driving the narrative forward.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is somewhat unpredictable as the protagonist's actions and background are unexpected and surprising. The revelation of his fraudulent accomplishments adds a layer of unpredictability to the story.

      Philosophical Conflict: 0

      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 5

      The emotional impact of the scene is relatively low, as it mostly focuses on exposition and setting up the story.

      Dialogue: 6

      The dialogue is straightforward and serves to convey the necessary information to the audience, such as the imposters' accomplishments and the FBI agent's purpose.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it captures the reader's attention with its suspenseful setup, unique premise, and intriguing dialogue. It leaves the reader curious about the protagonist's abilities and what will happen next.

      Pacing: 7

      The pacing of this scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the reader's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions creates a sense of anticipation and keeps the story moving.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogues, and actions. It is well-formatted and easy to read.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre of a game show set. It introduces the characters, establishes the premise, and sets up the conflict and suspense.


      Critique The scene starts off with a clear and concise description of the set and characters, setting the stage for the audience. The dialogue feels authentic to the time period, and the introduction of the three pilots as imposters is intriguing.

      However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. Firstly, the transition from the game show set to the prison in Marseille is abrupt and could be smoother. It would be helpful to have a clearer connection or transition between these locations.

      Additionally, the dialogue in the prison scene feels a bit unnatural. The exchange between Joe Shape and the prison warden feels contrived, especially the casual bribery with the roll of cash. The dialogue could be revised to feel more authentic and realistic.

      Overall, the scene is engaging and sets up the story well, but there is room for improvement in terms of transitions and dialogue.
      Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

      1. Provide more visual descriptions: Describe the set and characters in more detail to help the reader visualize the scene. For example, describe the game show set in more detail by mentioning the colors, props, and lighting. Also, provide more physical descriptions of the characters, such as their appearances and mannerisms, to make them more distinct.

      2. Make the dialogue more engaging: Instead of just having Bud Collyer read the introduction and the pilots state their names, add more dialogue that helps establish their characters and adds intrigue. For example, have the pilots respond to Bud's introduction with confident and intriguing statements that hint at their true identities.

      3. Build suspense: Create tension and suspense by adding more dramatic elements to the scene. For example, instead of immediately revealing that the pilots are imposters, build up the mystery by having the panelists ask more probing questions, and have the pilots give evasive or ambiguous answers. This will keep the audience and the panelists guessing.

      4. Use flashbacks effectively: Instead of using a separate scene to show Joe Shape arriving at the prison and meeting Warden Garren, integrate it into the main scene. Use flashbacks or quick cuts to show brief glimpses of Joe's interaction with the warden while he reads the pilots' introduction. This will add a layer of suspense and make the scene more dynamic.

      5. Consider pacing and structure: Break the scene into smaller, more manageable sections by using subheadings or action lines to indicate shifts in time or perspective. This will make the scene easier to follow and give it a better flow.

      Overall, focus on making the scene more visually engaging, suspenseful, and dynamic by utilizing descriptive details, adding more engaging dialogue, and applying effective storytelling techniques.



      Scene 2 - Frank's Desperation
      5 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON - FRANK'S CELL. - NIGHT 5

      WE SEE FRANK ABAGNALE JR., his face partially hidden in the
      dim cell, which gets its only light from a hanging bulb.
      Frank is lying on the cement floor, his back up against the
      far wall. He wears only a pair of underwear and clutches a
      torn blanket.

      JOE SHAYE
      Jesus, Frank, you look terrible. I
      heard about French prisons, but this
      is positively barbaric.
      WE HEAR a sound come fr)dthe cell, and then heavy coughing.
      JO,E YE (cont ' d)
      That doesn' t o d(rr4ood. I have a
      little cold my
      Help me.

      JOE SHAYE
      Help you? Yes, I'll help you, Frank.

      N
      Why do you think I've been fighting
      to have you extradited. Why do you
      think I came to take you home? Do
      you know that 21 other countries
      want'you in their prisons? I saw the
      list -- Egypt was on there. Who the
      hell goes to Egypt to write bad
      checks?

      FRANK
      I'm sick... please...

      JOE SHAYE
      Don't worry, Frank, you just have to
      make it through one more night. And
      then tomorrow I'll help you onto a
      plane, clean you up, and put you in
      a cell for the next twenty-five years.

      (CONTINUED)
      Debbie Zane - 5
      S.

      5 CONTINUED: 5

      INSIDE THE CELL

      CLOSE ON FRANK ABAGNALE JR.
      His face covered by a beard and matted black hair. Frank
      closes his eyes and starts to cough.

      FRANK
      Help me, please. I can't breathe...

      OUTSIDE THE CELL
      Joe listens to Frank, who is coughing so hard he starts to
      choke.

      FRANK (CONT'D)
      Can't... breathe...

      JOE SHAYE
      Don't start this shit, Frank.

      FRANK
      Can't ...Can't
      Joe looks through the slot i e11 door, but can only
      see faint images of Frank rol the floor holding his

      THROAT-
      JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
      Frank, what's happening? Damn it,
      just calm down! Somebody help me!!

      SMASH CUT

      6 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON - FRANK'S CELL/CORRIDOR. 6


      THE CELL DOOR IS THROWN OPEN
      Frank is being dragged across the floor by Warden Garren and
      a second GUARD, each holding an arm as they drag Frank's
      emaciated six-foot frame through the halls. Joe Shaye jogs
      behind the guards.

      JOE SHAYE
      He's not breathing. I think he
      stopped breathing!
      Debbie Zane -
      6.
      Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

      Summary Frank Abagnale Jr. is in a dim prison cell, looking sick and desperate. FBI agent Joe Shaye visits him and comments on the terrible conditions. Frank pleads for help, but Joe tells him he will be extradited and serve a long prison sentence. Frank's health deteriorates and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe becomes alarmed and calls for help. The scene cuts to Frank being dragged out of his cell, with Joe expressing concern that Frank has stopped breathing.
      Strengths
      • Strong emotional impact
      • Compelling dialogue
      • Tense atmosphere
      Weaknesses

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is highly emotional and tense, with the desperate state of Frank and the concern of Joe Shaye. The dialogue is impactful, revealing the dire situation and the impending consequences for Frank. The scene effectively creates a sense of urgency and sets up the stakes for the story.


        Story Content

        Concept: 9

        The concept of a desperate incarcerated character pleading for help and an FBI agent struggling to save him is compelling and gripping. It raises questions about justice, morality, and the lengths one would go to redeem themselves.

        Plot: 8

        The plot of the scene revolves around Frank's deteriorating health and his desperate plea for help, leading to Joe's realization of the severity of the situation. It effectively sets up the conflict and pushes the story forward.

        Originality: 5

        The scene does not present any particularly original situations or fresh approaches. It follows a familiar setup of a protagonist in a dire situation seeking help. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the realism of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        Frank Abagnale Jr. is portrayed as a desperate and sick prisoner seeking salvation, while Joe Shaye is depicted as a conflicted FBI agent torn between his duty and his concern for Frank. Both characters are well-developed and evoke empathy from the audience.

        Character Changes: 8

        Frank undergoes a physical deterioration, his health deteriorating and his desperation increasing. Joe experiences a conflict between his duty and his concern for Frank, leading to a shift in his attitude towards the situation.

        Internal Goal: 9

        Frank's internal goal in this scene is to receive help and sympathy from Joe Shaye. He is desperate for assistance and wants Joe to help alleviate his suffering and get out of prison.

        External Goal: 8

        Frank's external goal in this scene is to survive the night so that Joe can help him escape the prison and ultimately avoid a 25-year sentence. The immediate circumstances of being sick and struggling to breathe add urgency to Frank's goal.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict in this scene is high, with Frank's deteriorating health and his plea for help, contrasting with Joe's difficult decision of extraditing him and the urgency to save him. The conflict intensifies as Frank's condition worsens.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as Frank is faced with the threat of not receiving the help he desperately needs. The audience is unsure whether Joe will assist him or leave him to suffer. This uncertainty adds to the tension and keeps the audience engaged.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in this scene, with Frank's life hanging by a thread and Joe's ethical dilemma of extraditing him. The potential consequences for Frank are severe, adding tension and urgency.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by raising the stakes and increasing the urgency. It sets up the consequences for Frank and introduces a crucial turning point in the narrative.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability. While the overall outcome may be somewhat predictable, the specific unfolding of events and the intensity of the emotional and physical struggles keep the audience guessing and create suspense.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between survival and punishment. Frank wants to survive and escape the prison, whereas Joe represents the system and the punishment that Frank deserves for his crimes. This conflict challenges Frank's belief in his own redemption and whether he deserves a chance at a better life.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 10

        The scene evokes strong emotions, with Frank's desperation and his worsening health creating a sense of sympathy and concern. The urgency and the stakes involved heighten the emotional impact.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue in this scene is impactful and reveals important information about the characters and the situation. It effectively conveys the desperation and urgency of the scene.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with a sense of urgency. The reader/viewer is invested in Frank's struggle for survival and escape, as well as his emotional plea for help. The tension and emotional impact of the scene hold the audience's attention.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene is well-executed, effectively building tension and maintaining a sense of urgency. The progression of events, from Frank's initial plea for help to the climax of his physical distress, keeps the scene engaging and impactful.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre. It uses correct scene descriptions, dialogue formatting, and character names, making it easy to follow and understand the action.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic and tense moment. It establishes the setting, introduces the conflict, and builds towards a dramatic climax. The pacing and progression of events follow a logical and effective sequence.


        Critique As a screenwriting expert, here are a few critiques for the scene:

        1. Lack of visual descriptions: While there are some visual descriptions in the scene, such as Frank's face being partially hidden in the dim cell and him lying on the cement floor, there is room for improvement. Adding more specific and vivid details can help the reader visualize the scene better. For example, instead of just mentioning that Frank is lying on the floor, you could describe the condition of the floor (is it dirty, damp, cold?), or mention any visible injuries on Frank's body.

        2. Dialogue tags: The dialogue tags in the scene, such as "JOE SHAYE (cont ' d)" and "JOE YE (cont ' d)" seem to have typos and should be corrected for clarity. Additionally, instead of using parentheses to indicate continued dialogue, it is better to use standard formatting with separate lines for each character speaking.

        3. Emotional depth: The emotions of the characters could be developed further to enhance the impact of the scene. For example, instead of just saying "Jesus, Frank, you look terrible," Joe Shaye could express more concern or distress at Frank's condition. This would help to create a stronger emotional connection between the characters and the audience.

        4. Scene structure and pacing: The scene could benefit from more dynamic and concise structure. Consider breaking down the actions and dialogue into shorter, punchier paragraphs to maintain a good pace and keep the reader engaged.

        Overall, the scene has potential but could be improved by adding more descriptive details, refining dialogue tags, deepening emotional depth, and streamlining the structure for better pacing.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

        1. Provide more visual and sensory details: Describe the cell in more detail to create a vivid image in the reader's mind. Use specific adjectives to describe Frank's appearance, the lighting, and the atmosphere in the cell. This will help set the tone for the scene and enhance the reader's connection to the story.

        2. Use more active and concise dialogue: Streamline the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Focus on conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. Consider removing unnecessary lines, such as the repetition of "Help me" and "Can't breathe." Instead, focus on dialogue that reveals character or advances the plot.

        3. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Joe Shaye explain why he fought to have Frank extradited or why he came to take him home, consider finding a more visual way to convey this information. Show Joe's determination or concern through his actions or expressions, allowing the audience to infer these motivations.

        4. Enhance the suspense: Increase the tension in the scene by adding more suspenseful details. For example, describe the sound of the heavy coughing or Frank's labored breathing. Use short and punchy sentences to convey the urgency and panic of the situation.

        5. Consider the pacing: In the second half of the scene, when Frank is struggling to breathe, consider using shorter, fragmented sentences to reflect the increasing intensity. This will help build tension and create a sense of urgency.

        6. Create visual transitions: Instead of using a "SMASH CUT" transition, consider finding a more visual way to transition between scenes. For example, describe the sound of a heavy door being thrown open or the sudden change in lighting as the cell door opens.

        These suggestions will help improve the scene by creating a more immersive and engaging experience for the reader and, ultimately, the audience.



        Scene 3 - Prison Escape
        7 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON INFIRMARY. - DAY 7

        A small, empty room with four empty hospital beds. Frank is
        lifted onto one of the beds, his legs and arms flailing out
        to the sides, kicking a thin curtain out from the wall.

        JOE SHAYE
        What's happening to him?
        Garren and the Guard quickly move toward a sink, where they
        start to wash their hands.
        JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
        What are you doing?

        ASSISTANT WARDEN GARREN
        Washing off the lice.

        JOE SHAYE-
        He can't breath. You have to call a
        doctor.

        STANT WARDEN GARREN
        The doctor p fnl'sf in the morning.
        You can't just t him die. I have
        orders from the Embassy!
        This man is going t tradited
        to the United State am holding
        you responsible if ant happens!
        Suddenly Garren looks past Shaye -- eyeing the curtain that
        partially encloses Frank's bed. Garren slowly moves toward
        the curtain, pushes it open.

        FRANK IS GONE

        CLOSE ON GARREN
        drawing his gun and sprinting out the open door of the
        infirmary, yelling in French for the Guard to follow. Joe
        Shaye stands motionless, staring down in horror at the empty
        bed.
        JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
        Oh, shit.. .Frank!
        8 INT. - PRISON. - CONTINUOUS 8

        The prison ALARM has sent every prisoner to the front of
        their cells, where they see Frank stumbling through the
        prison --

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        7.

        8 CONTINUED: 8
        a thin smile on his lips as he tries to move his starved
        legs toward the main door.
        As Frank makes his way past a row of cheering prisoners, he
        trips and falls, his body too weak to run as he starts to
        crawl across the prison floor.
        Joe and Garren easily catch up to him, Garren quickly
        kneeling
        down and holding his gun against Frank's head --cocking the
        weapon. Frank stops crawling, rolls over on his back and
        smiles up at Joe Shaye.

        FRANK
        Okay, Joe...let's go home.

        9 INT. - NEW ROCHELLE ROTARY CLUB. - BANQUET ROOM. - NIGHT 9


        SUPER: NEW ROCHELLE. NEW JERSEY 1964
        A smoke filled oak dining room packed with CLUB MEMBERS --
        HUNDREDS OF MIDDLE AGED WHITE MEN wearing black suits and
        holding long cigars as they drink from brandy glasses.
        FRANK ABAGNALE, 15, a BUCKLEY PRIVATE SCHOOL BLUE
        BLAZER AND WHITE PANT with his mother, PAULA, 33, at
        a center table near themes Paula is a stunning blonde
        dressed in diamonds and and since she's the only woman
        in the room -- she's getti t of attention. CLUB
        PRESIDENT JACK WRIGHT takes rophone at the front of
        the stage.

        JACK WRIGHT
        The New Rochelle Rotary Club has a
        history that goes back to 1859. In
        all those years, we have only inducted
        a handful of deserving men as lifetime
        members, an honor that has seen 187
        names enshrined on the wall of honor.
        Tonight, we make it 188. So please
        stand, as I present my good friend,
        Frank William Abagnale.
        Applause all around as FRANK ABAGNALE SR. steps up to the
        MICROPHONE. He is handsome and impeccable groomed -- wearing
        a black suit and holding onto his plaque with two hands.

        FRANK SR.
        Two little mice fell in a bucket of
        cream. The first mouse quickly gave
        up and drowned, but the second mouse
        wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard,

        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        8.

        9 CONTINUED: 9
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        that he eventually churned that cream
        into butter -- and crawled out.
        Gentleman, as of this moment, I am
        that second mouse.
        Laughter from the men in the room as Frank continues.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        I stand here today humbled by the
        presence of Mayor Allen, and our
        club President, Jack Wright. But
        most of all, I am honored to see my
        loving wife, Paula, and my son, Frank
        Jr., sitting in the front-row. I'm
        just a business man, a working stiff --
        but tonight you have made me royalty.
        And for this, I am eternally grateful.
        The men applaud as Frank Sr. smiles down at his wife and
        son, giving them a wink as he raises the plaque in the air.
        10 EXT. - FRANK'S HOUSE. -/W ROCHELLE. - DAY 10

        A tree lined, picture ce of suburbia, with large homes
        splashed with snow, Ca n the driveways and kids
        sledding in the street.
        Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

        Summary Frank Abagnale Jr. pleads for help in a prison cell as his health deteriorates. FBI Agent Joe Shaye tells him he will be extradited and serve a long prison sentence. Frank's health worsens, and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe Shaye becomes alarmed and calls for help. The scene cuts to Frank escaping the infirmary, but he is caught and held at gunpoint. He smiles up at Joe Shaye, indicating a desire to go home. The scene then transitions to a banquet room, where Frank Sr. is honored by the New Rochelle Rotary Club.
        Strengths "Building tension, emotional impact, characterization"
        Weaknesses "Abrupt transitions, lack of depth in side characters"

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene effectively portrays the dire situation Frank Jr. is in and builds tension with his deteriorating health. The abrupt transition to the prison escape and the subsequent confrontation at gunpoint adds excitement and raises the stakes. The scene then ends on a positive note with Frank's desire to go home. Overall, the scene is well-constructed and engaging.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of a man desperate to escape a prison cell and the subsequent pursuit and confrontation with law enforcement is familiar but executed effectively in this scene. The transition to the banquet room also adds an interesting contrast to the tense prison setting.

        Plot: 8

        The plot of this scene revolves around Frank Jr.'s deteriorating health in the prison cell, his plea for help, and the confrontation between him, Joe Shaye, and Assistant Warden Garren. The tension escalates with Frank's escape attempt and his eventual capture. The scene ends with the introduction of Frank Sr. at the banquet, teasing a new development in the story.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of a prison infirmary and the circumstances of a character potentially escaping are familiar elements, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters are unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is high, as they react realistically to the situation.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        Frank Jr. is portrayed as desperate and sick in the prison cell, eliciting sympathy from the audience. Joe Shaye is depicted as concerned and determined to help Frank. Assistant Warden Garren is shown as callous and apathetic. Frank Sr. is introduced as an honored figure at the banquet, adding depth to the character dynamics.

        Character Changes: 6

        While there isn't significant character development in this scene, it does showcase the determination and resilience of Frank Jr. as he attempts to escape, despite his weakened state. Assistant Warden Garren's callousness is highlighted, further establishing his antagonistic role.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to save Frank from suffocating and dying. This reflects Joe Shaye's deeper need to protect and save those who are in danger or vulnerable. It also reflects his fear of being held responsible for someone's death.

        External Goal: 9

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find Frank, who has disappeared from his hospital bed. This reflects the immediate challenge of locating and apprehending a potentially escaped prisoner.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 8

        The conflict in this scene is high, with Frank Jr. facing deteriorating health, the threat of a long prison sentence, and the urgent need for medical help. The confrontation between Frank Jr., Joe Shaye, and Assistant Warden Garren escalates the conflict, culminating in Frank's attempted escape and subsequent capture.

        Opposition: 9

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as Frank's potential escape poses a significant challenge for the protagonist and other characters involved. The audience is unsure of the outcome and is invested in seeing how the characters will overcome this obstacle.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes in this scene are particularly high for Frank Jr., as his health is rapidly deteriorating and he faces a long prison sentence. The tension escalates with his escape attempt and the subsequent confrontation at gunpoint. The introduction of Frank Sr. at the banquet hints at potential consequences for the family.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the dire situation Frank Jr. is in, his desperate attempts to escape, and the introduction of Frank Sr. as an honored figure. It raises the stakes and sets up further developments in the plot.

        Unpredictability: 8

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a sudden twist when Frank disappears from his hospital bed, leading to a chase and potential escape. The unexpected turn of events keeps the audience guessing about the characters' actions and the resolution of the scene.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene successfully evokes a range of emotions, from sympathy for Frank Jr.'s plight in the prison cell to tension and concern during his deteriorating health. The abrupt transition to the escape attempt adds excitement and surprise, which is then followed by a bittersweet moment as Frank Sr. is honored at the banquet. Overall, the scene elicits strong emotional responses from the audience.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and desperation of Frank Jr. in his pleas for help. Joe Shaye's dialogue reflects his concern and commitment to protecting Frank. Assistant Warden Garren's dialogue highlights his indifference to Frank's deteriorating health. The dialogue at the banquet introduces Frank Sr. as a well-spoken and respected character.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with clear goals and obstacles. The fast-paced action and dialogue keep the audience invested in the characters' actions and the outcome of the scene.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension. The fast-paced action and dialogue keep the scene moving at a brisk pace, capturing the audience's attention and maintaining their engagement.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene heading is correctly formatted, the dialogue is properly formatted with character names and action lines, and there are clear transitions between scene elements.

        Structure: 7

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear description of the location and introduces the characters involved. The conflict and events unfold in a logical and cohesive manner.


        Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. However, there are a few areas where improvements can be made:

        1. The description of the setting could be more detailed. Providing specific details about the room and its atmosphere can help create a more vivid visual image for the reader.

        2. The dialogue between Joe Shaye and Assistant Warden Garren feels a bit forced and expository. Consider finding a more natural way to convey the information about the doctor and extradition.

        3. The action sequence when Garren realizes Frank is missing could be more dynamic. Instead of simply looking at the curtain and then running out, consider adding more urgency and tension to the scene to heighten the suspense.

        4. The transition from the prison to the New Rochelle Rotary Club is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer indication of the time jump.

        5. The dialogue of Frank Sr.'s speech at the banquet could be more impactful and emotionally resonant. Consider enhancing the language to make it more memorable and inspiring.

        By addressing these areas, the scene could be further improved to captivate the audience and enhance the overall storytelling.
        Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and provides clear visuals and dialogue. However, there are a few suggestions to improve it:

        1. Clarify the setting: In the beginning, mention that this scene takes place in a prison infirmary. This helps establish the location and adds to the tension when Frank escapes.

        2. Character introductions: Add a brief description or introduction of each character as they appear. This helps the reader visualize them and understand their role in the scene.

        3. Emotional reactions: Explore the emotions of the characters more. For example, describe Joe Shaye's reaction when he sees Frank struggling to breathe. Show his concern and urgency in trying to get help. Similarly, describe Garren's reaction when he realizes Frank is missing. This adds depth to the characters and enhances the intensity of the scene.

        4. Action and pacing: Use shorter, more concise sentences and paragraph breaks to increase the pace of the scene. This will reflect the urgency and intensity of the situation.

        5. Visual descriptions: Provide more visual details in the prison scene. Describe the reactions of other prisoners as they watch Frank trying to escape. Use imagery to illustrate Frank's weakened state and the desperation in his attempt to reach the main door. This will enhance the visual impact of the scene.

        6. Dialogue attribution: Make sure to attribute each line of dialogue to the corresponding character. This helps readers keep track of who is speaking and avoids confusion.

        By implementing these suggestions, you can further enhance the clarity, intensity, and visual impact of the scene.



        Scene 4 - Frank's Desperate Plea
        11 EXT. - FRANK'S HOUSE CHRISTMA4ER2MF , - DAY 11

        DEAN MARTIN is singing EVERYBOD SOMEBODY on the radio,
        as Frank Sr. hammers his PLAQUE i the wall. in the middle
        of the DEN, Frank is dancing with his mother, who is holding
        a glass of wine as she dances.

        PAULA
        You're a better dancer than your
        father, Frankie. The girls don't
        know what they're in for.

        FRANK SR.
        Paula, show him the dance you were
        doing when we met.

        PAULA
        Who can remember?

        FRANK SR.
        The people in that little French
        Village were so happy to see
        Americans, that they decided to put
        on a show for us.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        9.

        11 CONTINUED: 11

        FRANK
        I know the story, Dad.

        FRANK SR.
        So they cram two hundred soldiers
        into this tiny social hall, and the
        first person to walk on stage is
        your mother. And she starts to
        dance...
        Paula steps away from Frank, and she starts to dance a
        ballet,
        smiling as she tries to remember the steps.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        It had been months since we had even
        seen a woman, and here's this blonde
        angel on stage -- and the men are
        literally holding their breath. And
        I turned to my buddies, and I said..

        FRANK
        (imitating his father)
        I will not lea France without her.
        Paula spins around, accide1 49, ILLS HER GLASS OF WINE --

        PAULA
        Oh, shit, the rug! I b relieve I
        did that. Frankie, run /get a
        towel...
        As Frank runs off, Paula drops to her knees and scrubs the
        stain with the hem of her dress.

        PAULA (CONT'D)
        This will never come out.
        She looks up at her husband.

        PAULA (CONT'D)
        Whenever I dance for you, I get in
        trouble.

        12 INT. - FRANK'S HOUSE. - MORNING 12

        Frank is asleep in his bedroom. His father walks in carrying
        a plate of scrambled eggs.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        10.

        12 CONTINUED: 12
        FRANK SR.
        Wake up, Frank... it's eight-thirty.
        Frank opens his eyes, stares at his father.

        FRANK
        I overslept. Mom's gonna kill me.

        FRANK SR.
        It's okay. You don't have to go to
        school today.

        FRANK
        Is it snowing?

        FRANK SR.
        Do you own a black suit?

        FRANK
        A black suit? Why?

        FRANK SR.
        We have a vermportant meeting in
        the city.
        Genres: ["drama","family"]

        Summary Frank Abagnale Jr. is visited by FBI agent Joe Shaye in his prison cell. Frank pleads for help as his health deteriorates. Joe informs him that he will be extradited and serve a long prison sentence. Frank's health worsens, and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe becomes alarmed and calls for help. The scene then cuts to Frank being dragged out of his cell, with Joe expressing concern that Frank has stopped breathing.
        Strengths "The scene effectively creates a sense of suspense and concern for the well-being of Frank Abagnale Jr. The performances of the actors convey the desperation and conflict experienced by the characters."
        Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable, and there could be more innovative elements in the scene."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 7

        The overall rating for this scene is a 7 because it effectively portrays the desperation and worsening health of Frank Abagnale Jr. and creates a sense of suspense and concern for his well-being.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept rating for this scene is a 7 because it presents the dilemma faced by Frank Abagnale Jr. as he pleads for help and faces the prospect of a long prison sentence.

        Plot: 8

        The plot rating for this scene is an 8 because it effectively establishes the dire situation Frank Abagnale Jr. is in and sets up the conflict between him and FBI agent Joe Shaye.

        Originality: 4

        This scene does not introduce any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches, as it primarily focuses on traditional family dynamics. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the scene's realism.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters rating for this scene is an 8 because it effectively portrays the desperation and determination of Frank Abagnale Jr. and the concern and conflict faced by FBI agent Joe Shaye.

        Character Changes: 7

        The character changes rating for this scene is a 7 because it shows the deterioration of Frank Abagnale Jr.'s health and the concern and conflict faced by FBI agent Joe Shaye.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his parents and feel a sense of belonging. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance and love.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that his immediate challenge is to clean the wine stain from the rug and avoid getting into trouble.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The level of conflict in this scene is a 9 because it is centered around the conflict between Frank Abagnale Jr. and FBI agent Joe Shaye, as well as the internal conflict faced by Frank as his health deteriorates.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the protagonist faces a small obstacle of cleaning the wine stain. The outcome is uncertain, as the audience does not know if the stain will come out or if the protagonist will get into trouble.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in this scene as Frank Abagnale Jr. pleads for help and faces the prospect of a long prison sentence, while his health deteriorates and his life hangs in the balance.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the dire situation of Frank Abagnale Jr. and setting up the potential for his escape or rescue.

        Unpredictability: 5

        This scene is somewhat predictable, as it follows familiar family dynamics and does not introduce unexpected plot twists or conflicts.

        Philosophical Conflict: 2

        There is not a clear philosophical conflict evident in this scene. It focuses more on the protagonist's personal and familial relationships.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The emotional impact of this scene is an 8 because it evokes feelings of sadness, horror, and hope as the audience witnesses the desperate plea for help and the worsening health of Frank Abagnale Jr.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue rating for this scene is a 6 because while it effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters, it could benefit from more impactful and memorable lines.

        Engagement: 7

        This scene is engaging because it provides insight into the protagonist's relationship with his parents and creates a sense of nostalgia and warmth. The dialogue and interactions between characters are relatable and evoke emotions.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and nostalgia, as well as moments of action and dialogue. It creates a rhythm that keeps the reader engaged and interested in the characters' interactions.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively uses scene headings, action descriptions, dialogue, and character names.

        Structure: 9

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces characters, and develops the scene's conflict and resolution.


        Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-written and effectively captures a moment of family dynamics and nostalgia. However, there are a few areas where improvements could be made:

        1. Scene Heading: The scene heading should provide more specific information, such as the location or room within Frank's house where the scene takes place (e.g. "INT. - FRANK'S LIVING ROOM - DAY").

        2. Formatting: Some of the action lines and dialogue could be formatted more clearly. For example, it would be clearer if each character's dialogue is indented and their names are in all caps. Additionally, make sure to include proper punctuation and capitalization.

        3. Description: The scene could benefit from more descriptive language to create a visual atmosphere and enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters' actions.

        4. Dialogue: The dialogue feels authentic and reveals aspects of the characters' personalities. However, it could be tightened or trimmed in places to improve pacing and make it more impactful.

        5. Character Introductions: It would be helpful to include brief character introductions when a new character is introduced, to give the readers a better understanding of who they are.

        6. Overall Context: It's important to consider how this scene fits within the larger story and whether it moves the plot or character development forward effectively.

        By addressing these suggestions, the scene has the potential to be even more engaging and immersive for the reader.
        Suggestions Suggestions to improve this scene:
        1. Clarify the setting: Provide more specific details about Frank's house, such as the time period, style, and atmosphere. This will create a clearer visual image for the reader.
        2. Add more description: Describe Frank's actions, expressions, and body language while he dances with his mother. This will help the reader understand the dynamics between the characters and their emotions.
        3. Enhance dialogue: Make the conversation between Paula and Frank Sr. more natural and authentic. Consider adding more specific details and personal anecdotes to make it feel like a real conversation between a married couple.
        4. Show more emotion: Explore Paula's feelings and reactions when she spills her wine. This moment could be an opportunity to reveal more about her character and her relationship with Frank Sr.
        5. Transition smoothly: Ensure a smooth transition between the two scenes. Consider adding a sentence or two to bridge the gap and provide a seamless flow between the morning and the previous night.
        6. Increase tension: Build anticipation by introducing a conflict or challenge for Frank. This will create more intrigue and engage the reader/viewer.
        7. Develop characters: Show more of Frank's personality through his interaction with his father. This can help establish his relationship with his parents and his role in the story.
        8. Specify the importance of the meeting in the city: Add more context to make it clear why the meeting is significant and how it will impact the plot. This will create more anticipation and raise the stakes for the characters.



        Scene 5 - Frank's Desperate Plea
        13 EXT. - MEN'S SHOP. - 13

        THE WHITE CADILLAC is park ont of A MEN'S CLOTHING
        STORE -- Frank Sr. banging o tme lass door, trying to get
        someone's attention.
        pl�y( l

        FRANK SR.
        Ma'am, open the door. Just open up,
        please, it's important.
        THE DOOR OPENS A CRACK AND DARCY, 40's, low cut blouse, a
        bagel in her hand, stares at Frank Sr.

        DARCY
        we don't open for half an hour.

        FRANK SR.
        What's your name, ma'am?

        DARCY
        Darcy.

        FRANK SR.
        Darcy, that's a pretty name. I'm in
        a bit of fix -- I need a suit for my
        kid. This is my son, Frank, he needs
        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        11.

        13 CONTINUED: 13
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        a black suit. There was a death in
        the family, my father, eighty-five
        years old, a war hero, there's a
        funeral this afternoon -- a military
        funeral -- planes flying overhead,
        twenty-one gun salute. Frank needs
        to borrow a suit for a couple of
        hours.

        DARCY
        I'm sorry. We don't loan suits, and
        we're not open.
        As she closes the door, Frank Sr. takes a small GOLD
        NECKLACE
        OUT OF HIS POCKET, holds it up to the glass.

        FRANK SR.
        Is this yours, Darcy? I just found
        it in the parking lot?
        Darcy stares at the necklace through the door.

        14 EXT. - NEW YORK CITY. - DAB O 14

        The Cadillac is parked somewh
        Frank, now wearing a BLACK SUIT a
        his father gets out of the car andclimbs into the back seat

        FRANK SR.
        Slide over. You're gonna take me to
        Chase Manhattan Bank. Just head up
        to seventy-second and Madison, pull
        up to the front and park next to the
        fire hydrant.
        Frank looks back at his father.
        FRANK
        Dad...I don't know how to drive.

        15 EXT/INT. - CADILLAC. - DAY 15

        Frank is driving through Manhattan, his father in the back
        seat screaming directions as he teaches him to drive. They
        are both laughing as Frank speeds through the city.

        (CONTINUED)

        DEBBIE ZANE




        12.

        15 CONTINUED: 15

        FRANK SR.
        A little more gas -- now slip it
        into second. That's good, more clutch,
        now pull into this lane here --
        slowly!

        THE CADILLAC SWERVES HARD, ALMOST HITTING A CAB -- CARS

        HONKING AND SLAMMING ON THEIR BRAKES AS FRANK SR. STICKS HIS

        HEAD OUT THE WINDOW.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        (yelling out the window)
        Don't honk at us you son of a bitch --
        I'm teaching my kid to drive! You're
        doing fine, Frank, just pick a lane
        and slip it into third -- about one-
        o'clock -- push it hard.

        < A
        Frank slips it into third.
        FRANK SR_ (cont'd)
        Perfect! Now you got it! Look at
        you, Frank, t is your town --
        you're goin s aight up Broadway!

        16 INT. - CHASE MANHATTAN. 16
        1
        EMPLOYEES ARE HELPING CUST RS the hushed silence of the
        MASSIVE BANK. Suddenly all ey to the street, where A

        CHAUFFEUR IN A BLACK SUIT AND OPENING THE BACK DOOR

        OF A WHITE CADILLAC THAT IS P T TO A FIRE HYDRANT.

        17 EXT. - CHASE MANHATTAN BANK. - DAY 17

        Frank Sr. steps out of the Cadillac, gives his son a wink.

        FRANK SR.
        Okay. Stop grinning. When I get inside
        you go back to the front seat and
        wait. Even if a cop comes and writes
        you a ticket, you don't move the
        car, understood?

        FRANK
        Dad... is this really gonna help?

        FRANK SR.
        You know why the Yankees always win,
        Frank?

        FRANK
        They have Mickey Mantle?

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        13-

        17 CONTINUED: 17

        FRANK SR.
        No. It's because the other teams
        can't stop staring at those damn
        pinstripes.
        Frank Sr. steps out from the Cadillac, grabs his briefcase.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Watch this, Frank. The manager of
        Chase Manhattan bank is about to
        open the door for your father.
        As Frank Sr. casually walks toward the doors of Chase
        Manhattan, the MANAGER rushes through the bank to open the
        doors for him.
        Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

        Summary Frank Abagnale Jr. pleads for help in a prison cell as his health deteriorates. FBI Agent Joe Shaye tells him he will be extradited and serve a long prison sentence. Frank's health worsens, and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe Shaye becomes alarmed and calls for help.
        Strengths
        • Effective portrayal of desperation
        • High stakes
        • Well-developed characters
        Weaknesses
        • Dialogue could be more complex

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The overall rating is 9 because the scene effectively portrays Frank's desperation and the high stakes he is facing.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept rating is 8 because the scene effectively introduces the conflict and sets up the dire situation for the protagonist.

        Plot: 9

        The plot rating is 9 because the scene moves the story forward by showing the worsening health of Frank and the potential consequences he is facing.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character trying to find clothing for a funeral is not entirely unique, the specific circumstances of the military funeral and the protagonist's resourcefulness and desperation add a fresh approach to a familiar scenario. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters rating is 8 because both Frank Abagnale Jr. and FBI Agent Joe Shaye are well-developed and their actions and dialogue reveal their personalities and motivations.

        Character Changes: 7

        The character changes rating is 7 because while there is not a significant character change in this scene, it does show Frank's worsening health and his desperation for help.

        Internal Goal: 7

        The protagonist's internal goal is to find a suit for his son to wear to a military funeral. This goal reflects his deeper need to honor his father's memory and uphold the family's traditions and values. It also showcases his fear of not being able to properly pay respect to his father and his desire to provide for his son during this difficult time.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal is to find a suit for his son to borrow for a couple of hours. This goal reflects the immediate circumstance of the impending funeral and the challenge of finding appropriate attire in a short amount of time.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict level is 9 because there is a high level of tension and urgency in the scene, with Frank's deteriorating health and the potential consequences he is facing.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderate. While the store employee initially opposes the protagonist's requests, the protagonist is able to find a way to get what he needs. The audience is kept uncertain of how the situation will resolve until the protagonist successfully convinces the store employee to let him in.

        High Stakes: 10

        The high stakes rating is 10 because the scene demonstrates the serious consequences Frank is facing, both in terms of his health and his potential prison sentence.

        Story Forward: 9

        The story forward rating is 9 because the scene progresses the plot by showing the dire situation Frank is in and the potential consequences he is facing.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the protagonist finding a necklace and using it as leverage to convince the store employee to let him in. These unexpected twists and turns keep the reader engaged and unsure of how the situation will resolve.

        Philosophical Conflict: 6

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the importance of traditions and honoring the past, and the store employee's adherence to rules and lack of empathy. The protagonist values the significance of the funeral and the military honors, while the store employee focuses solely on the store's policies and opening hours.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The emotional impact is 8 because the scene effectively elicits sympathy for Frank and creates a sense of concern for his well-being.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue rating is 7 because while the dialogue effectively conveys the information and emotions of the characters, it could be improved with more depth and complexity.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it captures the reader's attention through the urgency of the protagonist's situation and the emotional stakes involved. The dialogue and actions of the characters create a sense of tension and suspense, making the reader want to know what will happen next.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and urgency with moments of comedic relief and character development. The scene moves quickly, keeping the reader engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The action lines and descriptions are clear and concise.

        Structure: 7

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and establishes the location and characters through dialogue and narrative description. The action progresses logically and leads to a resolution with the protagonist successfully finding a suit.


        Critique Overall, the scene effectively establishes the urgency and determination of the character Frank Sr. The dialogue and actions convey his desperation to get a suit for his son and his willingness to do whatever it takes. The interaction with Darcy adds some tension and conflict to the scene.

        However, there are a few areas for improvement. Firstly, there are some typos and formatting errors in the script, such as missing words and inconsistent spacing. These should be fixed to ensure a polished and professional script.

        Additionally, the dialogue could be slightly tightened to make it more concise and impactful. For example, instead of Frank Sr. explaining in detail about the funeral, it could be condensed into one or two sentences to maintain the urgency of the scene.

        Lastly, the transition between the Cadillac being parked somewhere in New York City to driving through Manhattan feels abrupt and could be smoother. Including some additional details or descriptions to bridge the two locations would help the flow of the scene.

        Overall, the scene has potential and effectively conveys Frank Sr.'s determination, but some minor adjustments could enhance its impact.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Provide more description: The scene lacks visual and atmospheric details. Add more details about the setting, such as the time of day, weather conditions, and any distinctive features of the men's clothing store.

        2. Characterization: Give more descriptions of the characters' physical appearances, body language, and facial expressions to help the reader visualize them better. This can also help to portray their personalities and emotions.

        3. Dialogue clarity: Make the dialogue more concise and easy to follow. Remove unnecessary repetitions and make sure the characters' intentions and emotions are clear.

        4. Use action and gestures: Incorporate more action and gestures to enhance the scene. For example, instead of just stating that Frank Sr. is banging on the glass door, describe how he pounds on it with frustration. Show Darcy's reaction through her body language and facial expressions as she stares at the necklace.

        5. Show character development: Use actions and dialogue to show a change in the characters. For instance, Frank Sr. could start off frustrated and desperate but gradually becomes more charming and persuasive. Frank, on the other hand, could start off timid and unsure but gains confidence as his father teaches him to drive.

        6. Sensory details: Incorporate more sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene. Describe the sounds of car horns honking and the bustling city streets as Frank Sr. teaches Frank to drive.

        7. Show the consequences: After Frank Sr. successfully gets the manager to open the doors, show how this action leads to the resolution of their problem. This could include the manager helping them get the suit they need or showing their progress towards their goal.

        Overall, focus on creating a vivid and engaging scene that advances the plot and reveals more about the characters.



        Scene 6 - Frank Jr.'s Plea for Help
        18 INT. - LOAN DEPARTMENT. - CHASE MANHATTAN BANK. - DAY 18

        Frank Sr. is sitting across from a LOAN OFFICER, who is
        looking over his file.

        LOAN OFFICER
        You've owned stationery store
        for how man rs?

        LOAN OF
        Mr. Abagnale, we don' `)1y loan
        money to people who hav resolved
        business with the I.R.S..

        FRANK SR.
        That's just a misunderstanding. I
        hired the wrong guy to do my books,
        a mistake anyone could make. I
        wouldn't even consider that if I
        were you.

        LOAN OFFICER
        You want me to ignore the fact that
        the government is demanding two years
        back taxes?

        FRANK SR.
        My store is a landmark in New
        Rochelle. I have customers all over
        New Jersey.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        14.

        18 CONTINUED: 18
        LOAN OFFICER
        Sir, you're not a customer of Chase
        Manhattan. We don't know you. I'm
        sure you're bank in New Rochelle...

        FRANK SR.
        My bank went out of business. Banks
        like this put them out of business.
        Frank Sr. leans in, lowers his voice.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Now I know I made a mistake, I admit
        that. But these people want blood --
        they want my store -- they've
        threatened to put me in jail. This
        is America, right, I'm not a criminal.
        I'm a medal of honor winner, a
        lifetime member of the New Rochelle
        Rotary Club. All I'm asking you to
        do is help me beat these guys.

        LFRX OFFICER
        This is not estion of winning
        and losing. It, question of risk.
        I'm very sort

        FRAN
        You're the largest ion the world.
        Where's the fucking

        19 EXT. - USED CAR LOT. - DAY 19

        A SALESMAN is handing Frank Sr. A CHECK and a set of KEYS.

        SALESMAN
        The Impala is parked right over there.
        Frank and his father glance toward an OLD, DENTED CHEVY
        IMPALA
        at the back of the lot.

        SALESMAN (CONT'D)
        it was great doing business with
        you.
        THE SALESMAN gets in the CADILLAC and drives it toward the
        front of the car lot. Frank Sr. looks down at the CHECK in
        his hand.

        FRANK SR.
        Come on, Frank. Let's go return the
        suit.
        Debbie 7 ana - S
        15.

        20 EXT. - FRANK'S HOUSE. - DAY 20

        A MOVING TRUCK IS DRIVING AWAY FROM THE HOUSE. The Chevy
        Impala is packed with boxes as it slowly pulls out of the
        driveway, passing the SOLD SIGN on the front lawn as it
        follows the moving truck through the neighborhood.

        21 EXT. - EASTCHESTER TRAIN STATION. - DUSK 21

        A CARGO TRAIN shoots through the rain as it pulls into a run
        down station that is flanked by the dilapidated APARTMENT
        BUILDINGS AND TENEMENT HOUSES that make up the town of

        EASTCHESTER, NEW JERSEY.

        22 INT. - EASTCHESTER APARTMENT - NIGHT 22

        A TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT with cracks in the ceiling that seem
        to grow with each passing train. There are MOVING BOXES
        STACKED AGAINST THE WALLS, and a dining room table that
        seems
        to take up half the apartment.
        Frank is in the kitchen making dinner as his father walks in
        from work -- his suit wX kled, his briefcase in hand.

        J P
        ank laughs with him.

        FRANK (CONT'D)
        I'm making pancakes.

        FRANK SR.
        We're not gonna eat pancakes for
        dinner on my son's sixteenth birthday.
        Frank turns to his father.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Why are you looking at me like that?
        You thought I forgot?
        Frank opens his BRIEFCASE, takes out a CHECKBOOK FROM CHASE
        MANHATTAN BANK. He walks over and hands it to Frank.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        16.

        22 CONTINUED: 22
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        I opened a checking account in your
        name. I put twenty-five dollars in
        the account so you can buy whatever
        you want. Don't tell you mother.
        Frank slowly opens the CHECKBOOK, sees his name at the top
        of the first check.

        FRANK
        But they turned down your loan?

        FRANK SR.
        Yeah. They all turned me down.

        FRANK
        So why open a bank account with them?

        FRANK SR..
        Because one day you'll want something
        from these people -- a house, a car --
        they have all the money. There's a
        hundred check ere, Frank, which
        means from i day on -- you're in

        THEIR LITTL
        Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

        Summary Frank Jr. pleads for help in a prison cell as his health deteriorates. FBI Agent Joe Shaye informs him of his extradition and long prison sentence. Frank's health worsens, and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe becomes alarmed and calls for help.
        Strengths "The scene effectively creates tension and raises the stakes. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and engaging."
        Weaknesses "The transition between scenes could be smoother and the emotional impact could be further intensified."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively portrays the dire situation and desperation faced by Frank Jr. The dialogue and actions of the characters help to create tension and suspense.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of a character's deteriorating health and his plea for help in a prison setting is intriguing and engaging.

        Plot: 9

        The plot progresses as Frank Jr.'s health worsens and Joe Shaye becomes alarmed, leading to a potential turning point in the story.

        Originality: 5

        This scene does not contain any particularly original situations or fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds credibility to the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        Frank Jr.'s desperation and pleading for help, as well as Joe Shaye's concern and actions, make them compelling characters in this scene.

        Character Changes: 8

        Frank Jr. experiences a change in his physical health and situation, leading to a potential shift in his character arc.

        Internal Goal: 7

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convince the loan officer to approve his loan despite his unresolved business with the IRS. This reflects his fear of losing his store and his desire to protect his reputation and livelihood.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure a loan to save his store and overcome the immediate challenge of the government demanding back taxes. This goal is reflected in his attempts to persuade the loan officer and his mention of customers from New Jersey.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict in this scene is high, as Frank Jr. desperately seeks help while facing a potential long prison sentence and his deteriorating health.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The loan officer presents a challenging obstacle for the protagonist, and the audience is unsure of how the conversation will go.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in this scene, as Frank Jr.'s health deteriorates, he faces extradition and a long prison sentence, and his plea for help becomes urgent.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward as it raises the stakes, introduces potential consequences, and builds tension.

        Unpredictability: 4

        This scene is somewhat predictable as the outcome of the loan application is expected to be negative. However, the protagonist's desperate attempts to convince the loan officer add some elements of unpredictability.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene evokes emotions of desperation, concern, and tension as Frank Jr.'s health worsens and he pleads for help.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency, desperation, and concern of the characters.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of the heightened conflict between the protagonist and the loan officer, and the stakes involved in the protagonist's struggle to save his store.

        Pacing: 7

        The pacing of the scene is effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. The dialogue and actions of the characters maintain a steady rhythm and keep the scene moving.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes appropriate use of capitalization, punctuation, and paragraph breaks.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names with dialogue, and scene descriptions.


        Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the conflict and desperation faced by Frank Sr. as he tries to secure a loan. The dialogue between the Loan Officer and Frank Sr. effectively highlights the stakes and the reasons why Frank Sr. desperately needs the loan.

        However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

        First, there are a few typos and formatting errors, such as missing punctuation and incorrect capitalization. These errors can be distracting and should be corrected for a more professional presentation.

        Second, the dialogue could be tightened up for better clarity and impact. For example, the Loan Officer's line "Sir, you're not a customer of Chase Manhattan. We don't know you. I'm sure you're bank in New Rochelle..." is a bit wordy and repetitive. It could be condensed to something like "Sorry, but since you're not a customer of Chase Manhattan and we don't know you, it's difficult for us to approve your loan."

        Additionally, there could be more specificity and detail regarding Frank Sr.'s situation and the consequences he's facing. For example, it would be helpful to know more about the back taxes he owes and why the government is threatening to put him in jail. This could add more depth and urgency to the scene.

        Lastly, the transition between different locations and time periods could be smoother. Clear section headings or cues would help the reader better understand when and where each part of the scene is taking place.

        Overall, this scene effectively conveys the tension and stakes of Frank Sr.'s situation, but it could be strengthened with some minor revisions for clarity and impact.
        Suggestions Suggestions to improve this scene:

        1. Clarify the character names: It is unclear who "Loan Officer" and "Loan of" are referring to. Make sure it is clear who is speaking by using their full names or introducing them more clearly.

        2. Rewrite the dialogue for better flow: Some of the dialogue feels clunky and could be rewritten to sound more natural. For example, "You've owned stationery store for how man rs?" could be rewritten as "How many years have you owned the stationery store?"

        3. Provide more context for the conflict: It would be helpful to understand more about why the government is demanding back taxes and why the loan officer is hesitant to give the loan. This could create more tension and stakes in the scene.

        4. Strengthen Frank Sr.'s argument: Frank Sr.'s argument for why he should be given the loan could be more compelling and persuasive. Consider adding specific examples of his successful business or a heartfelt plea for help.

        5. Add more visual details: Screenplays are visual mediums, so consider adding more description of the characters and their surroundings. This can help the reader visualize the scene and create a more immersive experience.

        6. Transition between scenes more smoothly: The abrupt transition from the loan department to the used car lot could be smoother. Add a line or brief action description to better connect the two locations.

        7. Develop the emotional impact of the scene: The scene where Frank Sr. gives Frank a check for his birthday could be more emotionally impactful. Explore the father-son relationship and create more depth in their interaction to make the moment more meaningful.

        Overall, these suggestions aim to make the scene more engaging, emotionally impactful, and clearer for the reader.



        Scene 7 - Frank's First Day at Monroe High School
        23 EXT. - MONROE HIGH SCHOO MORNING 23


        O FLL\
        THE IMPALA pulls up to the f the local public High
        School. Frank wears his BLUE WHITE PANTS as he
        gets out of the car and smiles r mother. Paula wears an
        OLD FUR COAT over her pajamas.

        I

        PAULA
        See that, it's just a school. No
        different than Buckley.
        Frank reaches through the window of the car, takes the
        CIGARETTE out of his mother's mouth.

        FRANK
        You promised you were going to quit.

        PAULA
        Frankie, you don't have to wear the
        uniform here. Why don't you take the
        jacket off?

        FRANK
        I'm used to it.
        Debbie Zane - 5




        17.

        24 INT. - MONROE HIGH SCHOOL. - DAY 24

        Frank walks through the crowded halls looking lost as he
        holds a CLASS SCHEDULE. He gets odd looks and stares from
        the kids around him.

        25 INT. - CLASSROOM. - DAY 25

        Frank walks into a packed classroom, the STUDENTS turning to
        stare as he checks his schedule.

        FRANK
        Is this Ms. Glasser's sixth period
        French?
        Some of the students laugh, most just turn back to their
        friends as Frank nervously adjusts his tie. A GIRL in the
        front row stares at Frank.

        STUDENT
        Are you the sub?
        Frank looks around for `� teacher, then slowly starts to

        NOD_
        Frank walks toward the blac writes his name on the
        board -- MR. ABAGNALE. HE S ACK OF AN ERASER against
        the board to get the students a n.
        FRANK (CONT'D)

        I
        Listen up, class. My name is Mr.
        Abagnale and I'll be your substitute
        today. Would somebody please tell me
        where you left off in your text book?

        GIRL
        Chapter seven.

        FRANK
        Open your books to chapter eight,
        read quietly to yourselves.
        The classroom door swings open, and a frail, confused
        TEACHER
        walks in and motions to Frank.

        TEACHER
        Are you subbing for Roberta?

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        18.

        25 CONTINUED: 25

        FRANK
        Yes.

        TEACHER
        They sent for me -- they said they
        needed a sub. I rushed over here
        from Dixon.

        FRANK
        I always sub for Roberta.

        TEACHER
        I'll never come to Monroe again.
        You tell them not to call me!
        The WOMAN storms out, and Frank turns back to the students.
        FRANK
        I suggest you start reading people.
        Genres: ["drama"]

        Summary Frank arrives at Monroe High School in his uniform. He encounters odd looks and stares from the students. He mistakenly becomes the substitute teacher for a class. The actual teacher storms out in confusion.
        Strengths "The scene has a unique concept and adds complexity to Frank's character."
        Weaknesses "The emotional impact could be stronger, and the dialogue is somewhat simple."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene is well-executed and provides an interesting twist with Frank becoming a substitute teacher.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of a high school student becoming a substitute teacher is intriguing and adds an unexpected element to the story.

        Plot: 7

        The plot moves forward by introducing a new situation for Frank and setting up potential conflict.

        Originality: 3

        This scene does not contain any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The actions and dialogue of the characters are authentic and realistic, but they do not push the boundaries of originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 7

        Frank's character is further developed as he handles the situation and interacts with the students.

        Character Changes: 6

        Frank's character faces a new challenge and has to adapt to it.

        Internal Goal: 7

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to fit in and navigate his new environment. This reflects his deeper need to adapt and find his place in a new school, as well as his fears and desires to be accepted by his peers.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully substitute for Roberta and teach the class. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing as a new substitute teacher.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 6

        There is some conflict with the miscommunication about the substitute teacher and the reaction of the actual teacher.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the protagonist faces challenges in fitting in and being mistaken for a substitute teacher, but it does not present a major obstacle or create significant tension.

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but it sets up potential conflicts for the future.

        Story Forward: 7

        The scene introduces a new situation and potential for further complications.

        Unpredictability: 5

        This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience does not know how Frank will handle being a substitute teacher and interact with the students.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 5

        The scene lacks emotional depth, but does create some tension and confusion.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue is straightforward and serves the purpose of the scene.

        Engagement: 7

        This scene is engaging because it introduces a new setting and a relatable protagonist who is faced with challenges and conflicts in navigating his new school environment.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by effectively conveying the protagonist's initial confusion and discomfort in the new school environment, as well as introducing the conflict of him being mistaken for a substitute teacher.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, capitalization, and punctuation.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions, as well as dialogue properly formatted.


        Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively sets up Frank's entrance into Monroe High School. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

        1. Scene Description: The scene description is lacking in some areas. For example, instead of just mentioning that Frank wears his "BLUE WHITE PANTS," more details could be provided to help visually establish his character. Additionally, it would be helpful to describe the school and its surroundings in more detail to help set the scene.

        2. Character Descriptions: While Frank and Paula's clothing choices are mentioned, it would be beneficial to provide more information about their appearance and demeanor. This would help the reader better visualize the characters and understand their personalities.

        3. Dialogue: The dialogue in the scene is overall good, but there are a few areas that could be tightened up or made more natural. For example, the line "See that, it's just a school. No different than Buckley" could be rephrased to sound more conversational. Additionally, Frank's response to Paula about wearing the uniform could be expanded upon to highlight their relationship and Frank's attitude towards the school.

        4. Cinematic Details: Adding more visual and sensory details to the scene would enhance the reader's experience and make the scene more engaging. This could include describing the sound of car doors closing, the expressions on Frank's and Paula's faces, and the reactions of the students in the classroom.

        These suggestions would help improve the scene's clarity and impact, making it more effective in conveying the story and characters to the reader.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Add more specific and vivid description for the setting:
        - Be more specific about the appearance of Monroe High School. Is it a modern building or an old one? Are there any unique features?
        - Describe the atmosphere of the school, such as the sound of students talking and the hustle and bustle in the halls.
        - Provide details about the weather or any other relevant visual elements.

        2. Show the characters' emotions and reactions:
        - Instead of simply stating that Frank smiles at his mother, describe the specific kind of smile he has and how it reflects his emotions.
        - Show Paula's reaction when Frank takes the cigarette from her mouth. How does she feel about it?
        - Show Frank's reaction to Paula's suggestion of taking off his jacket. Does it make him uncomfortable or does he consider it?

        3. Enhance the dialogue:
        - Make the conversation between Paula and Frank more dynamic by adding some back-and-forth exchanges.
        - Add subtext to their dialogue to reveal more about their relationship or their feelings towards the school.
        - Consider using more natural language and sentence structures to make the dialogue more realistic.

        4. Improve the pacing and flow of the scene:
        - Break down the action into smaller beats to create a more dynamic and engaging visual sequence.
        - Consider adding some movement or physical actions to show Frank's nervousness or discomfort in the new environment.
        - Balance the amount of dialogue and description to maintain a good pace and rhythm.

        5. Develop the supporting characters:
        - Give the students in the classroom distinct reactions to Frank's arrival and make their stares more meaningful or significant.
        - Add some characterization to the woman who mistakenly enters the classroom. Show her confusion or frustration more vividly.

        Remember to keep the scene concise and focused on serving the story and characters.



        Scene 8 - Frank's Secret
        26 INT. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. - MONROE HIGH SCHOOL - DAY 26

        PRINCIPAL EVANS AND VIARINCIPAL BROWN are standing in
        front of Frank Sr. an la, who sit in two small chairs
        facing the Principal'
        been coming to schq�� not?

        VICE-PRIN ROWN
        Mr. and Mrs. Abagnale, �1� is not a
        question of your son's attendance.

        PRINCIPAL EVANS
        For the past week Frank has been
        teaching Ms. Glasser's French class.

        PAULA
        He what?

        PRINCIPAL EVANS
        Your son has been pretending to be a
        substitute teacher, lecturing the
        students, giving out homework.

        VICE-PRINCIPAL BROWN
        Ms. Glasser has been ill, and there
        was some confusion with the real sub --
        we're still not sure what happened.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        19.

        26 CONTINUED: 26

        PRINCIPAL EVANS
        Your son held a teacher-parent
        conference yesterday. He was planning
        a class field trip to a French bread
        factory in Trenton. Do you see the
        problem we have?
        Frank Sr. and Paula seem a bit confused.

        PAULA
        This is our fault, Principal Evans.
        Frank had been at Buckley since he
        was a little boy. We had to take him
        out for personal reasons, away from
        his friends -- you know how kids
        are. He's all alone here.

        FRANK SR.
        He's not alone. He has us.

        27 EXT. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. - SAME TIME 27

        Frank is sitting outsid' he Principal's office wearing his
        coat and tie, waiting oI his parents to come out. He
        watches
        as a FOOTBALL PLAYER hands- SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR a note.

        FO IL PLAYER
        I have a note fr try om. I need to
        miss sixth period she's taking
        me to the doctor.

        N

        SCHOOL ADMI I"RATOR
        Thank you, Roger.
        As the Football player walks off, Frank leans over to look
        at the note. The Administrator catches him looking.

        FRANK
        It's a fake.

        SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR
        Excuse me?

        FRANK
        There's no crease in the paper.

        SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR
        I don't understand.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -
        20.

        27 CONTINUED: 27

        FRANK
        When your mom hands you a note to
        miss school, you put it in your
        pocket. And if it was in his pocket,
        where's the crease?

        28 INT. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. - DAY 28

        Frank Sr. lights a cigarette as he stands up to leave.

        FRANK SR.
        Excuse me. I have to go to work.

        PRINCIPAL EVANS
        Sir, we have no choice but to suspend
        Frank for one week, and transfer him
        out of French and into German.

        FRANK SR.
        You're not suspending anyone. if you
        go after my son I'll go before the
        school board and ask them who's
        minding the ste at Monroe High.
        I'll ask my4bbd friend Tom Walsh
        how it's po s' or a little kid
        to teach a Fr n ajZa, t ss for an entire
        week without tP incipal of the
        school knowing a i%- I might
        even mention the f t my son
        doesn't speak Frenc
        29 INT. - MONROE HIGH SCHOOL. -DAY w/ 29
        Frank closes his locker, sees FOUR CHEERLEADERS standing in
        front of him. The leader of the group, JOANNA, steps
        forward.

        JOANNA
        Are you that transfer from Buckley?
        Frank looks a bit confused as he stares at the girls.

        FRANK
        Yes.

        JOANNA
        My name is Joanna Carlson, and I was
        wondering if you were going to the
        Junior Prom?

        FRANK
        No. I don't have a date yet. My name
        is Frank Abagnale.

        (CONTINUED)




        21.

        29 CONTINUED: 29

        JOANNA
        Frank, do you think you could buy my'
        friends and I some beer before the
        dance? All the other guys are afraid
        to try.

        FRANK
        I'm only sixteen. How could I buy
        you beer?

        JOANNA
        If you're old enough to teach French,
        you're old enough to buy beer.

        30 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - DAY 30

        Frank walks in from school, throws his books on n-a chair
        and
        opens the refrigerator. The radio is on and there's a bottle
        of wine on the counter.

        FRANK
        Mom, I'm home.
        Nobody answers, and Fk'"slowly walks toward the back bedroom
        door, which is closed.
        Frank's about to knock when th�t b om door suddenly opens,
        and Paula walks out with JACK W - the Rotary Club
        President -- who wears a tailored ck suit. Paula wears a
        dress and holds a tray of food.

        PAULA
        That's all there is, two bedrooms,
        but we're getting used to it. Frankie,
        you remember Dad's friend Jack Wright
        from the club, he came by looking
        for your father -- I was giving him
        a tour of the apartment.

        JACK WRIGHT
        Very spacious, Paula.

        FRANK
        Dad's at work.
        Frank stares at Jack, who walks over and picks up his HAT
        off the chair.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        22.

        30 CONTINUED: 30

        JACK WRIGHT
        You look more like your old man every
        day. Thanks for the sandwich, Paula.
        I'll see ya later.

        FRANK
        Wait.
        Frank walks to the couch, picks up a small ROTARY PIN that
        is lying on the cushions. He holds it up to Jack.

        JACK WRIGHT
        Thank you, Frank. That's the
        President's pin. I'd be in big trouble
        if I lost that.
        Jack clips the pin to his jacket, turns and walks out the
        door.

        PAULA
        Are you hungry, Frankie? I'll make
        you a sandwich.
        Paula walks into the )Efien, opens the refrigerator and
        starts making a sandw
        PAWcont ' d)
        Jack wanted to t ob ness with
        your father. He sa' we should
        sue the government, a 's not
        legal what they're do us. Why
        aren't you saying anyth
        Frank stares at his mother, who continues to make his
        sandwich.

        PAULA (CONT'D)
        You're not going to tell him, are
        you?
        Paula walks over to her son, her hands shaking as she hands
        him a sandwich.

        FRANK
        No.

        PAULA
        That'sright. There's nothing to
        tell.I'mgoing outfor a few hours,
        visitsomeold friends from the tennis
        club.Andwhen I get home we'll all

        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane . 5




        23.

        30 CONTINUED: (2) 30
        PAULA (cont' d)
        have dinner together, right? But your
        won't say anything, because it's
        just stupid, isn't it?
        Paula lights a cigarette, walks toward the door.

        PAULA (CONT'D)
        Do you need some money, Frankie, a
        few dollars to buy some record albums?
        Here, take five dollars.
        Paula holds out five dollars, and Frank walks toward her,
        reaches up and takes the cigarette out of her mouth.
        FRANK
        You promised you were going to quit.
        Genres: []

        Summary Frank Jr.'s parents are called into the principal's office where they find out that Frank has been pretending to be a substitute teacher. They defend Frank and refuse to let him be suspended. Frank then encounters cheerleaders who ask him to buy them beer for the prom. At home, Frank discovers his mother with another man and confronts her about her smoking.
        Strengths "The scene has well-developed characters and conflicts that drive the plot forward."
        Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more clarity on the overall story and its themes."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 6

        The scene has a good development of conflict and emotional impact.


        Story Content

        Concept: 5

        The concept of Frank pretending to be a substitute teacher and getting caught is interesting and sets up further conflict.

        Plot: 6

        The plot moves forward with Frank's parents defending him and refusing to let him be suspended. There is also the introduction of the cheerleaders asking Frank to buy beer.

        Originality: 5

        The level of originality in this scene is average. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the dialogue and character actions feel authentic.


        Character Development

        Characters: 7

        The characters of Frank, his parents, and the cheerleaders are well-developed and their motivations are clear.

        Character Changes: 5

        Frank confronts his mother about her smoking, showing a small change in his character.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to avoid getting in trouble and maintain their deception as a substitute teacher.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince the school not to suspend or transfer them.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 8

        There is conflict between Frank and his parents, as well as the potential conflict of him getting caught by the school.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is strong because the school authority figures are against the protagonist's actions and there is uncertainty about how the situation will be resolved.

        High Stakes: 6

        The stakes are relatively high for Frank as he faces potential suspension and getting caught by the school.

        Story Forward: 7

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts and establishing relationships.

        Unpredictability: 6

        This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces the idea of the protagonist pretending to be a substitute teacher, which is unexpected.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 7

        The scene has emotional impact through the confrontation between Frank and his mother, as well as the tension between Frank and his parents.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue between Frank's parents, Frank himself, and the cheerleaders is realistic and moves the scene forward.

        Engagement: 8

        This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict and keeps the audience curious about how the protagonist will handle the situation.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by keeping the dialogue and actions fast-paced and maintaining the audience's attention.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper character introductions and clear scene descriptions.

        Structure: 7

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre of a school-based drama. It introduces a problem, presents conflict, and ends with a resolution.


        Critique Overall, this scene needs some improvement.

        1. Formatting: The scene description lacks proper formatting, with inconsistent use of capital letters and missing hyphens. It's important to follow industry standards for formatting to maintain professionalism and readability.

        2. Dialogue: The dialogue feels somewhat unnatural and forced at times. It could benefit from more authentic and realistic language to make the characters sound more believable.

        3. Exposition: Some of the dialogue feels like it's solely used to provide exposition and explain the characters' backstories. This can be improved by finding more organic ways to reveal this information instead of having characters explicitly state it.

        4. Lack of visual description: The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to help immerse the reader in the setting and actions taking place. For example, describing the body language and facial expressions of the characters can add depth and emotion to the scene.

        5. Lack of conflict: The scene lacks strong conflict and tension. It might be more engaging if there was a stronger disagreement between the principal and the parents, or a more intense confrontation between Frank and the school administrator.

        6. Character development: The characters could be developed further to make them more relatable and interesting. Adding more depth to their personalities and motivations will make the audience more invested in their journey.

        Overall, the scene needs some refining in terms of formatting, dialogue, and development of conflict and character relationships to make it more engaging and emotionally resonant.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Correct spelling and grammar errors, such as "schq��" and "Viarincipal".

        2. Add more descriptive language to set the scene, such as describing the size and layout of the office, the expressions and body language of the characters, and any props or visuals that might be present.

        3. Make the dialogue more natural and realistic. Consider how the characters would actually speak and react in this situation.

        4. Clarify the characters' motivations and emotions. What are they thinking and feeling in each moment? This will help to make the scene more engaging for the audience.

        5. Consider adding more action or visual elements to the scene to make it more dynamic on screen. This could include characters moving around the space, using props, or showing their emotions through physical gestures.

        6. Develop the conflict between the characters further. Think about what each character wants in this scene and how they are trying to achieve it. This will add tension and drama to the scene.

        7. Consider the overall pacing and timing of the scene. Does it feel too fast or too slow? Are there opportunities to add pauses or moments of silence for dramatic effect?



        Scene 9 - Frank's Revelation
        31 EXT. - ABAGNALE STATIONERS. - NEW ROCHELLE. - DAY 31

        A large stationery store sits right in the middle of the
        upscale neighborhood of New Rochelle.

        32 INT. - STATIONERY STO A DAY 32

        Frank is working behindvt" nter of his father's store,
        gently placing a SILVER cross a velvet display pad. A
        WOMAN stares down at the p 0

        FRANK
        This is a 925 sterlihk� �er
        Waldmann ballpoint pen V a two-
        color twist action top. Just turn it

        0.
        like this -- the ink changes from
        black to blue. Nine dollars.

        WOMAN
        They have them in the city for six.
        As the woman walks out of the store, Frank Sr. comes running
        out of his office, which doubles as the stockroom. He holds
        a letter in his hand.

        FRANK SR.
        It's over. I did it, Frank. The sons
        of bitches have called off the dogs --
        read it and weep. I beat the United
        States government. Take a look at
        that.
        Frank Sr. hands Frank a letter.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        24.

        32 CONTINUED: 32
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        See what it says -- the I.R.S is
        backing off. They're gonna take their
        money and run -- no charges filed,
        no further investigations into this
        matter. They thought they could get
        me, and I sent Uncle Sam running for
        the hills.

        FRANK
        Does this mean we can move home?

        FRANK SR.
        We're gonna move back here, Frank,
        get a new house, a new car --

        FRANK
        A red Cadillac with white interior.

        FRANK SR.
        It's gonna take a little time, but
        we're gonna get it all back --every
        fur coat, eve goddamn piece of
        silver! Com o help me lock up.
        We're going tg4 brace!
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Frank's father reveals that he has beaten the United States government and they no longer have charges against him. Frank expresses his desire to move home and start over. They discuss their plans to reclaim their lost possessions and build a new life.
        Strengths "The strengths of this scene include the compelling dialogue, the emotional impact, and the plot development."
        Weaknesses "One weakness of this scene is that it primarily focuses on exposition and setting up future events, rather than providing immediate conflict or action."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene is well-executed and provides important plot development and character moments. The dialogue is engaging and the emotions conveyed are compelling.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of Frank and his father overcoming the government is interesting and adds an exciting twist to the story.

        Plot: 8

        The plot moves forward with the revelation that Frank and his father are no longer in trouble and can start over. It sets up new goals and challenges for the characters.

        Originality: 7

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of celebrating a victory against the government is familiar, the unique aspect is the specific details of the store and the characters' desires for material possessions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed and their emotions and desires are clearly conveyed. Frank and his father's relationship is portrayed effectively.

        Character Changes: 6

        Frank experiences a change in his outlook on the future. He goes from feeling hopeless to hopeful and excited about the possibilities ahead.

        Internal Goal: 9

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find out if they can move back home. This reflects their deeper desire for stability, security, and a sense of belonging.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal is to celebrate the victory over the United States government and plan for the future. This reflects the immediate circumstance of achieving a major win and the challenge of rebuilding their lives.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 4

        While there is conflict in the past with the government, the scene focuses more on resolution and hope for the future. There is a sense of tension in whether they can successfully rebuild their lives.

        Opposition: 5

        The opposition in this scene is relatively weak as there are no significant obstacles or conflicts preventing the protagonist from achieving their goals. The main challenge is the time it will take to rebuild their lives and regain what they have lost.

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as it focuses more on resolution and hope for the future rather than immediate danger or risk.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict with the government and setting new goals for the characters. It opens up new possibilities for the plot.

        Unpredictability: 4

        This scene is somewhat predictable because the outcome of the protagonist's victory is expected, and their desire to move back home is a natural consequence. However, the specific details of their plans and the dialogue exchanges contribute to a moderate level of unpredictability.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 7

        The scene elicits excitement and hope in the audience, as well as a sense of relief for the characters. It sets up a positive turning point in the story.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' thoughts and feelings. It also conveys their excitement and hope for the future.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it combines moments of triumph and celebration with the characters' aspirations for a better future. The dialogue is dynamic and reveals the characters' emotions and desires. The reader is drawn into the scene's conflict and invested in the characters' journey.

        Pacing: 7

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm that balances dialogue and character actions. The scenes flow smoothly and keep the reader engaged without feeling rushed or dragged.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear headings and descriptions. The dialogue is properly formatted and attributed to the respective characters. The scene is well-paced and easy to read.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by starting with an establishing shot, followed by an interior shot, and progressing through dialogue and character actions. The scene transitions smoothly and is coherent in terms of storytelling.


        Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. However, here are a few suggestions for improvement:

        1. Scene Description: The scene description could be more concise and focused. Instead of providing excessive details about the store and its location, try to capture the essential elements that are relevant to the story.

        2. Dialogue Tags: The scene could benefit from more varied and specific dialogue tags to enhance characterization and make it clear who is speaking. Avoid using "FRANK SR." and "FRANK" repeatedly. Use more descriptive tags that reveal their personalities and emotions.

        3. Character Actions and Reactions: It would be helpful to include more visual cues to emphasize the characters' actions, reactions, and body language. This will make the scene more engaging and provide opportunities for the actors and director to bring the scene to life visually.

        4. Setting the Scene: Consider starting the scene with Frank Sr. coming out of his office with the letter in his hand. This will create a stronger sense of anticipation and allow the audience to share in Frank Sr.'s excitement and success.

        5. Emotional Arc: Although the emotions of the characters are clear, it would be beneficial to show a clearer emotional arc within the scene. For example, start with Frank Sr.'s nervousness or anxiety and then build up to his excitement and confidence as he shares the news with Frank.

        6. Visual Symbolism: Find opportunities to incorporate visual symbolism. For example, instead of just mentioning the "SILVER cross" and "925 sterlihk� �er," consider how these objects could represent or foreshadow the characters' desires and conflicts.

        7. Show, Don't Tell: Instead of having Frank Sr. explicitly state that they are going to get everything back, consider using actions or visual cues to demonstrate their determination and plans for the future.

        Remember that these suggestions are subjective, and ultimately, the effectiveness of the scene will depend on how well it serves the overall story and its intended audience.
        Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

        1. Provide more visual details: Instead of simply stating that the store is in an upscale neighborhood, describe the appearance of the store itself. Is it grand and elegant or modern and sleek? This will help set the atmosphere and give the reader a better sense of the location.

        2. Show the setting: Rather than just focusing on Frank placing a silver cross on a display pad, include more details about the stationery store. Show customers browsing through the aisles, employees interacting with customers, or other interesting items on display. This will make the scene feel more dynamic and visually engaging.

        3. Develop the dialogue: Expand on the conversation between Frank and the woman. You can add more back-and-forth dialogue to build tension or showcase Frank's knowledge and salesmanship. This will make their interaction more engaging for the audience.

        4. Add emotion and reactions: After Frank Sr. shares the news about beating the IRS, show Frank's reaction. Is he relieved, excited, or skeptical? By highlighting his emotions, it will make the scene more compelling and allow the audience to connect with the characters.

        5. Utilize visual cues: Instead of explicitly stating that Frank Sr. hands Frank a letter, you can show him holding a letter out to Frank, emphasizing the significance of the moment. Small details like this can make the scene feel more immersive.

        6. Consider pacing: The short and abrupt dialogue exchanges in this scene make it feel rushed. Allow the conversation to breathe by including pauses or moments of reflection. This will add depth to the characters and make the scene more realistic.

        Overall, aim to make the scene more visually interesting, emotionally engaging, and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.



        Scene 10 - Bar Confrontation and Court Hearing
        33 INT. - VILLAGE INN BAR. ='rEASTCHESTER. - DAY 33
        Frank follows his father int ILLAGE INN BAR, a
        neighborhood dive that is ful 'lway workers coming off
        the night shift. Frank and his are greeted with cold
        stares from a handful of REGULARS are drinking and
        watching a mounted black and white TV.

        NEWSCASTER (V.0. ON TV)
        The Warren Commission has concluded
        their investigation into the
        assassination of President Kennedy,
        and has found that Lee Harvey Oswald
        acted alone, with no evidence of
        conspiracy, domestic or foreign.

        FRANK SR.
        (to the bartender)
        Bring us a couple of beers and two
        shots of Canadian.

        BARTENDER
        I need to see the kid's I.D..

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5
        25.

        33 CONTINUED: 33

        FRANK SR.
        This kid is the head salesman in my
        company. He's twenty-two and he's
        making five bills a week, so just
        bring the drinks and mind your
        business.
        Frank and his father sit at a small table in the middle of
        the bar. Frank looks uncomfortable as his father lights a
        cigar.

        FRANK
        Maybe I should wait in the car.

        FRANK SR.
        Are you afraid of these men? Look at
        the way, they sit, the way they dress,
        the way they drink. What are they,
        railway men? Cargo loaders? Those
        men haven't earned the right to judge
        us. I beat Uncle Sam, what have they
        ever done?
        The WAITRESS brings o the drinks, and Frank Sr. quickly
        downs both shots. He ak DIME out of his pocket and sets
        it on the table.
        FRANSR. %cont d)
        Frank, I wa nt you that dime
        and go put it in th u x. Pick
        something loud. We're ating.
        Frank glances to the bar, where the MEN are quietly watching
        the-TV. The JUKEBOX is directly under the television.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        You know who I like? Lesley Gore.

        FRANK
        Dad... they're watching TV.

        FRANK SR.
        Yes. But in a moment they'll be
        listening to Lesley Gore. We're gonna
        teach the drunks to mind their
        manners.
        FRANK
        I think they know I'm not eighteen.

        FRANK SR.
        People only know what you tell them.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        26.

        33 CONTINUED: (2) 33
        Frank Sr. picks up the dime and holds it up to. his son.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Take the dime, son. Just take the
        dime and walk over there like you
        just closed a big deal. Walk over
        there like you got a roll of twenties
        right next to your pecker.
        Frank gets out of his chair and nervously faces his Father.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        And don't forget to smile while you're
        shoving it down their throats.
        Frank holds his father's dime as he slowly walks toward the
        JUKEBOX. THE MEN AT THE BAR see him coming, slowly turn on
        their stools.

        MAN #1
        Don't play that thing, kid.
        Frank nervously stands alt " ukebox. Some of the men have
        gotten off their stools drinks in hand.

        MAN #2
        We asked you not to' , kid.
        The President is abou Gd ke a
        speech.
        Frank looks toward his father, who sits back in his chair,
        smoking and smiling. Frank's hand shakes as he reaches out,
        drops the dime into the jukebox.

        MAN #1
        We're not gonna tell you again.
        Step away from the jukebox.
        FRANK SR.
        Why you bothering the kid? You got a
        problem, come bother me.
        Frank watches as TWO DRUNKS walk toward his father. They
        both hold PITCHERS OF BEER in their hands.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Hit the button, Frank. You hit that
        goddamn button!

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        27.

        33 CONTINUED: (3) 33
        As Frank reaches out and hits the button, the men start to
        pour their beers over his father's head. FranWSr. does
        nothing to stop them, the smile never leaving his face as he
        screams at his son.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        That's right, Frank! Who are they!
        Who are they!
        THE JUKEBOX springs to life, and WE HEAR LESLEY GORE singing
        "IT'S MY PARTY." The men continue to pour their beers over
        Frank Sr.'s head, the entire bar screaming with laughter.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Bus drivers! Security guards! Fry
        cooks! Now they understand! They
        can't win, Frank, they can't beat
        me!

        34 INT. - EASTCHESTER COURTHOUSE. - DAY 34

        A LARGE COURTROOM -- ONLY FIVE PEOPLE INSIDE. On one side
        of
        the room WE SEE FRANK S wearing a white suit that doesn't
        quite fit -- a notice stain on the shirt. His weathered
        black briefcase is on"t k in front of him.
        Paula is on the other si the courtroom, wearing a blue
        church dress and holding a li% cigarette in her hand.
        Paula and Frank Sr. sit with lawyers facing JUDGE
        LARKIN, who is examining the E for the first time.
        JUDGE LARKI
        Would the boy step forward and state
        his name for the record.
        Frank is seated in the middle of the courtroom -- a backpack
        on the floor at his feet. Frank slowly walks toward the
        bench.

        FRANK
        Frank William Abagnale Jr.

        JUDGE LARKIN
        Frank, the court apologizes for
        pulling you out of school this
        morning. Are you aware of the fact
        that your parents have filed for
        divorce?
        Frank glances at his mother, then slowly shakes his head
        "no."

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        28.

        34 CONTINUED: 34
        JUDGE LARKIN (cont'd)
        Again, I apologize. This is a custody
        hearing to determine who you are
        going to live with after the divorce.
        Your mother and father are leaving
        this decision up to you. For the
        record, I would like to praise both
        parents for showing such confidence
        in their son, who they believe will
        make the best decision for himself
        and his family.
        Frank stares straight ahead, his breathing forced as he
        stares
        at Judge Larkin.
        JUDGE LARKIN (cont'd)
        Okay, Frank, I'm going to ask you a
        difficult question. Who's it going
        to be, your mother or your father?
        Frank looks to his father, then turns and stares at his
        mother
        for a long BEAT.
        Can I have
        it?

        35 EXT. - EASTCHESTER. - DAY \Z:�/O 35

        town, of sheer desperation
        on s hif ace as h e runs pas t dil a� d shops and
        abandoned
        buildings -- racing a train that lowing pulling into the
        Eastchester station. fi

        36 INT. - EASTCHESTER TRAIN STATION. - DAY. 36

        Frank runs up to the ticket window at the TRAIN STATION.

        FRANK
        One ticket to Grand Central, please.

        TICKET CLERK
        Three dollars and fifty cents.

        FRANK
        Can I write you a check?

        37 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON. - MARSEILLE. - NIGHT 37

        THE CELL DOOR IS PULLED OPEN, and Frank slowly walks out and
        faces Joe Shaye, who is holding a pair of HANDCUFFS and
        standing with FBI AGENTS EARL AMDURSKY and TOM FOX- All
        three

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        29.

        37 CONTINUED: 37
        AGENTS get a glimpse inside the cell -- and they all
        quickly
        turn away.
        JOE SHAYE
        Frank, this is Agent Amdursky and
        Agent Fox. They'll be helping with
        the extradition.
        Joe puts the handcuffs on Frank, who can barely stay on his
        feet as he slowly turns to Warden Garren.

        FRANK
        Your wife is sleeping with one of
        the guards. Just thought you should
        know.

        38 INT. - HOTEL ROOM. - FRANCE. - NIGHT 38

        Joe Shaye, Amdursky and Fox are all watching Frank as he
        sits naked in a bathtub, his handcuffs still on as he tries
        to shave his beard.

        39 INT. - HOTEL ROOM. - FF5?% - NIGHT 39

        Frank has one hand 4N Ll to a chair, and both legs
        SHACKLED to the corner ed. He's eating a sandwich
        and drinking a glass of s Joe Shaye sits across from
        him.

        JOE SHA
        Just sit back and get table.
        We leave for the airpor nine
        hours.

        FRANK
        I want to call my father.

        JOE SHAYE
        You can call him when we get to New
        York? I apologize for the room --
        it's the only place the agency could
        afford.

        FRANK
        Don't worry, Joe. I've stayed in
        worse.

        40 EXT. - TIMES SQUARE HOTEL. - NIGHT 40

        Frank wears blue pajamas as he's THROWN OUT OF A DILAPIDATED
        TIMES SQUARE HOTEL ROOM BY THE NIGHT MANAGER, who is
        dragging
        him toward the door.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -
        30.

        40 CONTINUED: 40

        SUPER: OCTOBER. 1964

        MANAGER
        I don't want to hear your story.
        That's two checks that bounced, do
        you know how much trouble I'm in?

        FRANK
        The bank made a mistake, Andy, I'll
        write you a check right now! Please,
        it's midnight, I have no place to
        go.
        The Manager pushes Frank into the cage elevator.

        MANAGER
        You're a goddamn kid. You should be
        in school.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Frank and his father go to a bar where they are confronted by other patrons. Frank's father provokes a confrontation and they leave. In court, Frank is forced to choose which parent to live with after their divorce.
        Strengths "Intense conflict, emotional impact, strong character development"
        Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more impactful"

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 7

        The scene effectively depicts the tense confrontation in the bar and the emotional weight of the custody hearing.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of a father standing up for his son and the emotional impact of a custody hearing are well-executed.

        Plot: 8

        The sequence of events in the scene, from the bar confrontation to the custody hearing, moves the plot forward and introduces important conflict and character development.

        Originality: 7

        The scene presents a fresh approach to a familiar situation, with the protagonist using music to assert his identity and challenge the judgment of others. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        Frank's father's defiance and support in the bar show his strong character. Frank's decision in the custody hearing also reveals his growth and maturity.

        Character Changes: 8

        Frank's decision in the custody hearing shows his growth and willingness to make difficult choices.

        Internal Goal: 9

        The protagonist's internal goal is to please his father and gain his approval. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance from his father.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal is to stand up to the judgment of the bar regulars and assert his own identity and worth. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing the judgment and disapproval of others.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between Frank's father and the other bar patrons is intense, and the custody hearing adds further emotional conflict.

        Opposition: 9

        The opposition in the scene is strong, with the bar regulars judging and challenging the protagonist. The audience is left unsure of how the confrontation will go.

        High Stakes: 7

        The outcome of the custody hearing has significant consequences for Frank's future.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing important conflicts and revealing character motivations.

        Unpredictability: 6

        This scene has some unpredictability as the protagonist's actions and the bar regulars' reactions are not entirely predictable. However, the overall outcome is somewhat expected.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's belief that he should not let others define him or judge his worth based on his age. This challenges the societal belief that age determines a person's abilities or worth.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The intense emotions and stakes in both the bar confrontation and the custody hearing evoke strong emotional reactions from the audience.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions of the scene. Frank's father's lines are particularly memorable.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it captures the tension and emotion of the protagonist's struggle for acceptance and validation. The conflicts and dynamics between the characters draw the audience into the scene.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing and rhythm of the scene effectively build tension and capture the emotional intensity of the protagonist's struggle. The pacing contributes to the scene's effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and anticipation.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

        Structure: 9

        The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the conflict and resolution.


        Critique Overall, this scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Frank and his father and the hostile environment of the Village Inn Bar. The dialogue and actions of the characters reveal their personalities and motivations.

        Here are a few areas that could be further improved:

        1. Formatting and description: Some of the scene descriptions are vague and could benefit from clearer details. For example, instead of saying the bar is "a neighborhood dive," it would be more helpful to describe the atmosphere or specific details about the bar's appearance.

        2. Dialogue: While the dialogue effectively reveals the tension between Frank and his father, some of the lines could be more concise and impactful. Certain lines could be trimmed or reworded to make the dialogue flow more naturally.

        3. Characterization: The scene could provide more insight into the characters of the other bar patrons, aside from their cold stares. Adding some additional actions or reactions from the Regulars in response to Frank and his father's arrival could add depth to the scene.

        Overall, the scene effectively establishes the dynamics and conflicts between the characters, but with some improvements in formatting, dialogue, and characterization, it could become even stronger.
        Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and dynamic between Frank and his father. However, there are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Visual Description: Provide more visual descriptions of the bar and the characters. Add specific details about the bar, like its dimly lit atmosphere, the smell of alcohol, and the worn-out furniture. Describe Frank and his father's appearances and body language to give the reader a better sense of who they are.

        2. Dialogue Tags: Use more descriptive dialogue tags to enhance the characterization and emotion. Instead of just "FRANK" or "FRANK SR.," add descriptors that convey their tone, mood, or intention. For example, "FRANK SR. (grinning)" or "FRANK (nervous)."

        3. Show, Don't Tell: Rather than directly stating that Frank is uncomfortable or his father is proud, show their emotions through their actions, facial expressions, and body language. Use gestures, movements, and visual cues to convey their emotions more subtly.

        4. Pace the Action: Break up the action and dialogue with short paragraphs or sentence fragments that emphasize the tension and build suspense. This will create a sense of urgency and keep the reader engaged.

        5. Visual and Aural Cues: Utilize more visual and aural cues in the scene to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describe the TV news segment playing on the screen, the sound of the jukebox playing the music, or the sounds of the men laughing in the bar.

        By incorporating these suggestions, you can enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene, making it more engaging and immersive for the reader.



        Scene 11 - Frank's Financial Struggles
        41 INT. - NEW YORK HOTEL ROOM. - NIGHT 41

        A decrepit Times Square hotel room. Frank sits up in bed
        staring down at his NEW RSEY DRIVER'S LICENSE -- which is
        a simple I.D. CARD wi picture. Frank uses a pen to change
        the date of birth fro lf o 1938.
        42 INT. - NEW YORK SAVINGS BTKf - DAY 42

        O
        Frank holds a BLACK BRIEFCAS st ands in front of a
        FEMALE BANK TELLER holding a HATTAN CHECK.

        FRANK
        My boss sent me to Brooklyn, then
        Queens, now he wants me in Long Island
        and I'm short train fare. It's my
        first week -- I don't think I'm cut
        out to be a salesman.

        ASHLEY
        I'm sorry, but we're not allowed to
        cash checks from other banks. How
        would we know if they were any good?

        FRANK
        What's your name?

        ASHLEY
        Ashley.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        31.

        42 CONTINUED: 42

        FRANK
        You do me this favor, Ashley, and
        I'll give you this sterling silver
        Waldmann pen. It's German. What do
        you say?
        Frank takes the PEN out of his pocket.

        ASHLEY
        I feel so bad. I'm really not supposed
        to take the check. How about if I
        just loan you a few dollars myself?
        Ashley takes some money out of her own pocket.

        FRANK
        That's okay, Ashley. I'll find my
        way to Chase Manhattan.

        43 EXT. - BANK. - DAY 43

        As Frank walks out of the bank, he watches A PILOT AND TWO
        FLIGHT ATTENDANTS step of a cab right in front of him.
        They are all laughing A s hey head for the revolving doors
        of the MAYFAIR HOTEL.
        Frank watches as the PIL IPS THE DOORMAN A FIVE DOLLAR

        BILL.
        Genres: []

        Summary Frank tries to cash a check at a bank but is denied. He tries to persuade the teller, Ashley, to cash it for him but she offers to lend him some money instead. Frank declines and leaves the bank. Outside, he sees a pilot and flight attendants, and watches as the pilot tips the doorman at a hotel.
        Strengths "The scene effectively portrays Frank's financial struggles and his resourcefulness, creating empathy for the character."
        Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene effectively showcases Frank's financial struggles and his resourcefulness in trying to find a solution.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of Frank facing obstacles in his attempt to cash a check and his interaction with the bank teller is engaging.

        Plot: 8

        The plot advances as Frank tries to find a solution to his financial problem and encounters a helpful bank teller.

        Originality: 4

        The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. There are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue can be questioned, as the protagonist's manipulation tactics might not feel entirely genuine.


        Character Development

        Characters: 7

        Frank is shown to be resourceful in his attempts to overcome his financial struggles, while Ashley is kind and willing to help.

        Character Changes: 6

        Frank realizes he needs to find another way to get the money he needs.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to get money for train fare to continue his sales job. This reflects his need to prove himself and his fear of not being cut out for the job.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to cash a check at the bank. This reflects the immediate circumstance of needing money for train fare and the challenge of convincing the bank teller to cash the check.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 7

        There is conflict in Frank's inability to cash a check and the tension in his interaction with Ashley.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The bank teller provides a challenge to the protagonist's goal of cashing the check, and the audience is unsure of how the interaction will play out.

        High Stakes: 6

        The high stakes are Frank's financial well-being and his ability to overcome his current struggles.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Frank's resourcefulness and his persistence in finding a solution to his financial struggles.

        Unpredictability: 6

        This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience is unsure if the protagonist will be able to convince the bank teller to cash the check. The outcome is not immediately clear.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 6

        The scene evokes empathy for Frank's financial struggles and relief when Ashley offers to help.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue is functional, with Frank trying to persuade Ashley and her offering to lend him money instead.

        Engagement: 7

        This scene is engaging because it presents the protagonist's struggle to obtain money in a desperate situation. The audience is curious to see if they succeed in cashing the check and getting their train fare.

        Pacing: 7

        The pacing of the scene is effective as it keeps the audience engaged in the protagonist's interactions and the unfolding obstacle. It maintains a steady rhythm in conveying the tension and desperation of the situation.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the location, introduces the characters, and progresses with dialogue and action.


        Critique Overall, this scene contains some strong elements that help move the story forward. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

        First, the description of the hotel room could be given more detail to help set the mood and tone of the scene. Instead of simply describing it as "decrepit", you could provide specific visual details that evoke a sense of decay and desperation.

        Next, the dialogue between Frank and Ashley feels a bit forced and lacks subtlety. The conversation about cashing the check could be made more realistic by incorporating more natural language and back-and-forth exchanges. Additionally, the sudden offer for Frank to give Ashley a pen in exchange for cashing the check feels contrived and lacks believability.

        Furthermore, the transition between scenes 42 and 43 could use some improvement. The abrupt shift from the bank to Frank watching the pilot and flight attendants feels disjointed and could benefit from smoother connective tissue.

        Lastly, the physical actions and gestures in the scene could be described in more detail to enhance the visual storytelling. For example, instead of simply stating that Frank watches the pilot tip the doorman, you could describe Frank's facial expression or body language to convey his reaction to the situation.

        Overall, this scene has potential but could be strengthened with more vivid descriptions, natural dialogue, and seamless transitions.
        Suggestions - Consider adding more descriptive language to scene 41 to give readers a better idea of the atmosphere and condition of the decrepit hotel room.
        - Clarify Frank's emotional state or reaction when he changes his date of birth on his driver's license. It would help to understand why he is doing this.
        - Provide more context or backstory for Frank's job as a salesman and why he is struggling in his first week.
        - Add more depth to the conversation between Frank and Ashley in scene 42. Explore their motivations and feelings more fully.
        - Consider adding more visual details to scene 43 to enhance the reader's experience, such as describing the appearance of the pilot and flight attendants or the interaction between Frank and the doorman at the Mayfair Hotel.



        Scene 12 - Frank's Transformation
        44 INT. - MAYFAIR HOTEL. - MORNING, N\ v- 44
        Frank follows the Pilot into the 'air, seesthe hotel
        MANAGER rushing over to greet him. The entirelobby seems to
        be focussed on the Pilot, with BELLMEN runningover to carry
        0;
        his bags -- the FLIGHT ATTENDANTS following his every move.
        Frank turns to an aging BELLMAN.

        FRANK
        Excuse me, do you know that pilot?

        BELLMAN
        He's just one of those airline jerks.
        Just because you fly at thirty
        thousand feet, doesn't make you God.
        Frank watches as the Pilot walks into the elevator, the
        Flight
        Attendants by his side.

        FRANK (V.0.)
        Dear Dad...I've decided to become an
        airline pilot. I've applied at all

        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        32.

        44 CONTINUED: 44
        FRANK (V.O.) (cont'd)
        the big airlines, and have several
        promising interviews lined up.

        45 EXT. - PAY PHONE. - NEW YORK. - DAY 45

        A packed street corner in the center of New York. Frank is
        eating a hot dog as he talks on a PAY PHONE.

        PAN AM OPERATOR (V.O.)
        Pan Am, how may I help you?

        FRANK
        I'd like to speak to someone about a
        uniform.
        PAN AM OPERATOR
        Hold for purchasing.
        Frank turns and looks directly behind him, where WE SEE the
        FIFTY STORIES OF THE PAN AN BUILDING standing tall in the
        middle of the city.

        HASING SUPERVISOR (V.O.)
        Purchasing.

        F
        Yes. My name is illiams, and
        I'm a co-ilot basp of San
        Francisco. I flew a into New
        York last night, and ving for
        Paris in three hours.

        PURCHASING SUPERVISOR (V.O.)
        How can we help you?

        FRANK
        I sent my uniform out to be cleaned
        through the hotel...

        PURCHASING SUPERVISOR (V.O.)
        Let me guess. They lost the uniform.
        Happens all the time.

        46 EXT. - NEW YORK STREET. - DAY 46

        As the telephone conversation continues, WE SEE Frank
        running
        down a busy street, a big smile on his face as he cuts in
        and out of an endless stream of people.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        33.

        46 CONTINUED: 46

        PURCHASING SUPERVISOR (V.0.)
        Go down to the Well-Built Uniform
        Company at Ninth and Broadway --
        they're our uniform supplier. I'll
        tell Mister Ross you're coming.
        Frank sprints through the doors of the WELL-BUILT UNIFORM

        COMPANY.

        47 INT. - WELL-BUI