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Scene 1 -  Introducing Frank Abagnale Jr. on Game Show
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN



Written by

Jeff Nathanson




1 INT. - GAME SHOW SET. - DAY 1


BLACK AND WHITE FOOTAGE FROM 1978

MUSIC UP:
A simple GAME SHOW SET -- one long desk-that houses four
"CELEBRITY PANELISTS," a small pulpit with attached
microphone
for the host, BUD COLLYER, who walks through the curtain to
the delight of the audience. Bud bows and waves to the
celebrities -- ORSON BEAN, KITTY CARLISLE, TOM POSTON, and
PEGGY CASS.

BUD COLLYER
Hello, panel, and welcome everyone
to another exciting day on "To Tell
The Truth." Let's get the show
started.

THE CURTAIN STARTS TO RISE
BRIGHT LIGHTS SHINE on the faces of THREE MEN who walk
toward
center stage. All thre n wear identical AIRLINE PILOT
UNIFORMS, each with m; c ng blue blazers and caps.
(cont' d)
Gentleman, please state
your names.

PILOT #1
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
THE PILOT IN THE MIDDLE steps forward.

PILOT #2
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
THE THIRD PILOT does the same.

PILOT #3
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
Bud smiles, grabs a piece of paper.
BUD COLLYER
Panel, listen to this one.
(he starts to read)
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr, and
some people consider me the worlds
greatest imposter.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




2.

1 CONTINUED: 1
As Bud reads, the CAMERA SLOWLY PANS the faces of the three

PILOTS.
BUD COLLYER (cont'd)

(READING)
From 1964 to 1966 I successfully
impersonated an airline pilot for
Pan Am Airlines, and flew over two
million miles for free. During that
time I was also the Chief Resident
Pediatrician at a Georgia hospital,
the Assistant Attorney General for
the state of Louisiana, and a
Professor of American History at a
prestigious University in France. By
the time I was caught and sentenced
to prison, I had cashed over six
million dollars in fraudulent checks
in 26 foreign countries and all fifty
states, and I did it all before my
18th birthday. To this day, I am the
only teenager ever to have been placed
on the FBI' s most wanted list.
My name is a Abagna l e Jr.
Warm applause as the THREE MEN walk behind
a desk that faces the pa They all sit down at exactly
the same time.

BUD COLLY (cont'd )
Okay, panel, you have ork cut
out for you. Kitty Carl , you
have the first question.

KITTY CARLISLE
Imposter number one, how many years
were you in prison?

PILOT #1
I served two years in France, and
five years in Atlanta, Georgia.

KITTY CARLISLE
Imposter number two, I find all this
very fascinating. Who was it that
finally caught you?

SLOWLY PUSH IN ON THE PILOT IN THE MIDDLE --
A thin smile across his lips as he faces the panel -- his
manicured hands out in front of him on the desk -- his back

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




3-

1 CONTINUED: (2) 1
straight in his chair -- his cap pulled slightly forward on
his head -- the way pilots like to wear them.

2 EXT. - PAPIGONE MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON. - MARSEILLE -
NIGHT 2


SUPER: MARSEILLE, FRANCE DECEMBER 25, 1967
A heavy rain falls on JOE SHAPE, 40's, who wears a black
hat
and holds a black umbrella as he bangs on the window of a
small GUARDHOUSE in front of a LARGE GATED PRISON. Joe is
sneezing as he holds up an IDENTIFICATION CARD TO THE GUARD.

JOE SHAPE
Joe Shaye, FBI.

3 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON WARDEN'S OFFICE. - DAY 3
Joe is walking down a long corridor inside the prison,
struggling to close his umbrella as he faces WARDEN GARREN
and TWO GUARDS.

JOE SHAPE
I have orders see a prisoner named
Abagnale, t e his statement and
solicit a c n ^ n so I can prepare
for tomorrow' tladition.
Joe takes a roll of CASH out of h` ocket, casually slips
the money to the Warden.

JOE SHAPE
If I give you another twenty, will
you turn up the heat in here?

4 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON - FRANK'S CELL/CORRIDOR. - DAY 4

Warden Garren is leading Joe down a small, isolated corridor
just off the main floor. They pass CEMENT DOORS with metal
SLIDE HOLES and numbers taped to the front. There are no
bars or windows in this area, and complete silence. Garren
stops at the last cell and opens the SLIDE HOLE.

WARDEN GARREN
Don't pass him anything through the

HOLE-
Garren walks off, and Joe immediately starts to smile,
looking
around for a long BEAT as he stares at the cell door.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




4.

4 CONTINUED: 4

JOE SHAYE
Yoohoo. Hello? Is the lady of the
house at home?
Joe tries to control his excitement as he kneels down and
looks through the metal slide hole.

THROUGH THE HOLE
Genres: []

Summary Three men claiming to be Frank Abagnale Jr. introduce themselves on a game show and reveal that they successfully impersonated various professions before being caught. Meanwhile, FBI agent Joe Shape visits a maximum-security prison to see Frank Abagnale Jr.
Strengths
    Weaknesses

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 7

      The scene effectively introduces the premise of the film and sets up the main character's background as a skilled imposter. The inclusion of both the game show and prison scenes adds variety and intrigue to the narrative.


      Story Content

      Concept: 7

      The concept of a young imposter successfully impersonating various professions is intriguing and offers a unique perspective on crime and deception.

      Plot: 7

      The plot is well-structured, starting with the introduction of the imposters on the game show and then transitioning to the FBI agent visiting the prison. This sets up the conflict and establishes the main character's past.

      Originality: 7

      This scene has some originality in its depiction of the protagonist's fraudulent achievements and the specific details of his impersonation. The actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall story.


      Character Development

      Characters: 6

      The characters are introduced effectively, with the three imposters displaying confidence and the FBI agent showing determination.

      Character Changes: 5

      There is minimal character development in this scene, as it mainly serves to introduce the characters and their backgrounds.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impress and intrigue the panelists and audience with his fraudulent achievements. It reflects his desire for recognition, validation, and a sense of superiority.

      External Goal: 9

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince the panelists and audience of his abilities as an imposter. It reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining his credibility and avoiding suspicion.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 6

      The conflict is introduced through the imposters' deception and the FBI agent's investigation, creating tension and raising questions about the main character's motives.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of convincing the panelists and audience of his abilities while also maintaining his credibility and avoiding suspicion. The audience is unsure of how the scene will unfold.

      High Stakes: 6

      The stakes are raised with the revelation of the imposters' successful impersonations and the FBI agent's pursuit of the truth.

      Story Forward: 7

      The scene effectively sets up the story and provides important background information, driving the narrative forward.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is somewhat unpredictable as the protagonist's actions and background are unexpected and surprising. The revelation of his fraudulent accomplishments adds a layer of unpredictability to the story.

      Philosophical Conflict: 0

      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 5

      The emotional impact of the scene is relatively low, as it mostly focuses on exposition and setting up the story.

      Dialogue: 6

      The dialogue is straightforward and serves to convey the necessary information to the audience, such as the imposters' accomplishments and the FBI agent's purpose.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it captures the reader's attention with its suspenseful setup, unique premise, and intriguing dialogue. It leaves the reader curious about the protagonist's abilities and what will happen next.

      Pacing: 7

      The pacing of this scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the reader's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions creates a sense of anticipation and keeps the story moving.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogues, and actions. It is well-formatted and easy to read.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre of a game show set. It introduces the characters, establishes the premise, and sets up the conflict and suspense.


      Critique The scene starts off with a clear and concise description of the set and characters, setting the stage for the audience. The dialogue feels authentic to the time period, and the introduction of the three pilots as imposters is intriguing.

      However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. Firstly, the transition from the game show set to the prison in Marseille is abrupt and could be smoother. It would be helpful to have a clearer connection or transition between these locations.

      Additionally, the dialogue in the prison scene feels a bit unnatural. The exchange between Joe Shape and the prison warden feels contrived, especially the casual bribery with the roll of cash. The dialogue could be revised to feel more authentic and realistic.

      Overall, the scene is engaging and sets up the story well, but there is room for improvement in terms of transitions and dialogue.
      Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

      1. Provide more visual descriptions: Describe the set and characters in more detail to help the reader visualize the scene. For example, describe the game show set in more detail by mentioning the colors, props, and lighting. Also, provide more physical descriptions of the characters, such as their appearances and mannerisms, to make them more distinct.

      2. Make the dialogue more engaging: Instead of just having Bud Collyer read the introduction and the pilots state their names, add more dialogue that helps establish their characters and adds intrigue. For example, have the pilots respond to Bud's introduction with confident and intriguing statements that hint at their true identities.

      3. Build suspense: Create tension and suspense by adding more dramatic elements to the scene. For example, instead of immediately revealing that the pilots are imposters, build up the mystery by having the panelists ask more probing questions, and have the pilots give evasive or ambiguous answers. This will keep the audience and the panelists guessing.

      4. Use flashbacks effectively: Instead of using a separate scene to show Joe Shape arriving at the prison and meeting Warden Garren, integrate it into the main scene. Use flashbacks or quick cuts to show brief glimpses of Joe's interaction with the warden while he reads the pilots' introduction. This will add a layer of suspense and make the scene more dynamic.

      5. Consider pacing and structure: Break the scene into smaller, more manageable sections by using subheadings or action lines to indicate shifts in time or perspective. This will make the scene easier to follow and give it a better flow.

      Overall, focus on making the scene more visually engaging, suspenseful, and dynamic by utilizing descriptive details, adding more engaging dialogue, and applying effective storytelling techniques.



      Scene 2 -  Frank's Desperation
      5 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON - FRANK'S CELL. - NIGHT 5

      WE SEE FRANK ABAGNALE JR., his face partially hidden in the
      dim cell, which gets its only light from a hanging bulb.
      Frank is lying on the cement floor, his back up against the
      far wall. He wears only a pair of underwear and clutches a
      torn blanket.

      JOE SHAYE
      Jesus, Frank, you look terrible. I
      heard about French prisons, but this
      is positively barbaric.
      WE HEAR a sound come fr)dthe cell, and then heavy coughing.
      JO,E YE (cont ' d)
      That doesn' t o d(rr4ood. I have a
      little cold my
      Help me.

      JOE SHAYE
      Help you? Yes, I'll help you, Frank.

      N
      Why do you think I've been fighting
      to have you extradited. Why do you
      think I came to take you home? Do
      you know that 21 other countries
      want'you in their prisons? I saw the
      list -- Egypt was on there. Who the
      hell goes to Egypt to write bad
      checks?

      FRANK
      I'm sick... please...

      JOE SHAYE
      Don't worry, Frank, you just have to
      make it through one more night. And
      then tomorrow I'll help you onto a
      plane, clean you up, and put you in
      a cell for the next twenty-five years.

      (CONTINUED)
      Debbie Zane - 5
      S.

      5 CONTINUED: 5

      INSIDE THE CELL

      CLOSE ON FRANK ABAGNALE JR.
      His face covered by a beard and matted black hair. Frank
      closes his eyes and starts to cough.

      FRANK
      Help me, please. I can't breathe...

      OUTSIDE THE CELL
      Joe listens to Frank, who is coughing so hard he starts to
      choke.

      FRANK (CONT'D)
      Can't... breathe...

      JOE SHAYE
      Don't start this shit, Frank.

      FRANK
      Can't ...Can't
      Joe looks through the slot i e11 door, but can only
      see faint images of Frank rol the floor holding his

      THROAT-
      JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
      Frank, what's happening? Damn it,
      just calm down! Somebody help me!!

      SMASH CUT

      6 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON - FRANK'S CELL/CORRIDOR. 6


      THE CELL DOOR IS THROWN OPEN
      Frank is being dragged across the floor by Warden Garren and
      a second GUARD, each holding an arm as they drag Frank's
      emaciated six-foot frame through the halls. Joe Shaye jogs
      behind the guards.

      JOE SHAYE
      He's not breathing. I think he
      stopped breathing!
      Debbie Zane -
      6.
      Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

      Summary Frank Abagnale Jr. is in a dim prison cell, looking sick and desperate. FBI agent Joe Shaye visits him and comments on the terrible conditions. Frank pleads for help, but Joe tells him he will be extradited and serve a long prison sentence. Frank's health deteriorates and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe becomes alarmed and calls for help. The scene cuts to Frank being dragged out of his cell, with Joe expressing concern that Frank has stopped breathing.
      Strengths
      • Strong emotional impact
      • Compelling dialogue
      • Tense atmosphere
      Weaknesses

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is highly emotional and tense, with the desperate state of Frank and the concern of Joe Shaye. The dialogue is impactful, revealing the dire situation and the impending consequences for Frank. The scene effectively creates a sense of urgency and sets up the stakes for the story.


        Story Content

        Concept: 9

        The concept of a desperate incarcerated character pleading for help and an FBI agent struggling to save him is compelling and gripping. It raises questions about justice, morality, and the lengths one would go to redeem themselves.

        Plot: 8

        The plot of the scene revolves around Frank's deteriorating health and his desperate plea for help, leading to Joe's realization of the severity of the situation. It effectively sets up the conflict and pushes the story forward.

        Originality: 5

        The scene does not present any particularly original situations or fresh approaches. It follows a familiar setup of a protagonist in a dire situation seeking help. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the realism of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        Frank Abagnale Jr. is portrayed as a desperate and sick prisoner seeking salvation, while Joe Shaye is depicted as a conflicted FBI agent torn between his duty and his concern for Frank. Both characters are well-developed and evoke empathy from the audience.

        Character Changes: 8

        Frank undergoes a physical deterioration, his health deteriorating and his desperation increasing. Joe experiences a conflict between his duty and his concern for Frank, leading to a shift in his attitude towards the situation.

        Internal Goal: 9

        Frank's internal goal in this scene is to receive help and sympathy from Joe Shaye. He is desperate for assistance and wants Joe to help alleviate his suffering and get out of prison.

        External Goal: 8

        Frank's external goal in this scene is to survive the night so that Joe can help him escape the prison and ultimately avoid a 25-year sentence. The immediate circumstances of being sick and struggling to breathe add urgency to Frank's goal.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict in this scene is high, with Frank's deteriorating health and his plea for help, contrasting with Joe's difficult decision of extraditing him and the urgency to save him. The conflict intensifies as Frank's condition worsens.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as Frank is faced with the threat of not receiving the help he desperately needs. The audience is unsure whether Joe will assist him or leave him to suffer. This uncertainty adds to the tension and keeps the audience engaged.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in this scene, with Frank's life hanging by a thread and Joe's ethical dilemma of extraditing him. The potential consequences for Frank are severe, adding tension and urgency.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by raising the stakes and increasing the urgency. It sets up the consequences for Frank and introduces a crucial turning point in the narrative.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability. While the overall outcome may be somewhat predictable, the specific unfolding of events and the intensity of the emotional and physical struggles keep the audience guessing and create suspense.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between survival and punishment. Frank wants to survive and escape the prison, whereas Joe represents the system and the punishment that Frank deserves for his crimes. This conflict challenges Frank's belief in his own redemption and whether he deserves a chance at a better life.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 10

        The scene evokes strong emotions, with Frank's desperation and his worsening health creating a sense of sympathy and concern. The urgency and the stakes involved heighten the emotional impact.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue in this scene is impactful and reveals important information about the characters and the situation. It effectively conveys the desperation and urgency of the scene.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with a sense of urgency. The reader/viewer is invested in Frank's struggle for survival and escape, as well as his emotional plea for help. The tension and emotional impact of the scene hold the audience's attention.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene is well-executed, effectively building tension and maintaining a sense of urgency. The progression of events, from Frank's initial plea for help to the climax of his physical distress, keeps the scene engaging and impactful.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre. It uses correct scene descriptions, dialogue formatting, and character names, making it easy to follow and understand the action.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic and tense moment. It establishes the setting, introduces the conflict, and builds towards a dramatic climax. The pacing and progression of events follow a logical and effective sequence.


        Critique As a screenwriting expert, here are a few critiques for the scene:

        1. Lack of visual descriptions: While there are some visual descriptions in the scene, such as Frank's face being partially hidden in the dim cell and him lying on the cement floor, there is room for improvement. Adding more specific and vivid details can help the reader visualize the scene better. For example, instead of just mentioning that Frank is lying on the floor, you could describe the condition of the floor (is it dirty, damp, cold?), or mention any visible injuries on Frank's body.

        2. Dialogue tags: The dialogue tags in the scene, such as "JOE SHAYE (cont ' d)" and "JOE YE (cont ' d)" seem to have typos and should be corrected for clarity. Additionally, instead of using parentheses to indicate continued dialogue, it is better to use standard formatting with separate lines for each character speaking.

        3. Emotional depth: The emotions of the characters could be developed further to enhance the impact of the scene. For example, instead of just saying "Jesus, Frank, you look terrible," Joe Shaye could express more concern or distress at Frank's condition. This would help to create a stronger emotional connection between the characters and the audience.

        4. Scene structure and pacing: The scene could benefit from more dynamic and concise structure. Consider breaking down the actions and dialogue into shorter, punchier paragraphs to maintain a good pace and keep the reader engaged.

        Overall, the scene has potential but could be improved by adding more descriptive details, refining dialogue tags, deepening emotional depth, and streamlining the structure for better pacing.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

        1. Provide more visual and sensory details: Describe the cell in more detail to create a vivid image in the reader's mind. Use specific adjectives to describe Frank's appearance, the lighting, and the atmosphere in the cell. This will help set the tone for the scene and enhance the reader's connection to the story.

        2. Use more active and concise dialogue: Streamline the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Focus on conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. Consider removing unnecessary lines, such as the repetition of "Help me" and "Can't breathe." Instead, focus on dialogue that reveals character or advances the plot.

        3. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Joe Shaye explain why he fought to have Frank extradited or why he came to take him home, consider finding a more visual way to convey this information. Show Joe's determination or concern through his actions or expressions, allowing the audience to infer these motivations.

        4. Enhance the suspense: Increase the tension in the scene by adding more suspenseful details. For example, describe the sound of the heavy coughing or Frank's labored breathing. Use short and punchy sentences to convey the urgency and panic of the situation.

        5. Consider the pacing: In the second half of the scene, when Frank is struggling to breathe, consider using shorter, fragmented sentences to reflect the increasing intensity. This will help build tension and create a sense of urgency.

        6. Create visual transitions: Instead of using a "SMASH CUT" transition, consider finding a more visual way to transition between scenes. For example, describe the sound of a heavy door being thrown open or the sudden change in lighting as the cell door opens.

        These suggestions will help improve the scene by creating a more immersive and engaging experience for the reader and, ultimately, the audience.



        Scene 3 -  Prison Escape
        7 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON INFIRMARY. - DAY 7

        A small, empty room with four empty hospital beds. Frank is
        lifted onto one of the beds, his legs and arms flailing out
        to the sides, kicking a thin curtain out from the wall.

        JOE SHAYE
        What's happening to him?
        Garren and the Guard quickly move toward a sink, where they
        start to wash their hands.
        JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
        What are you doing?

        ASSISTANT WARDEN GARREN
        Washing off the lice.

        JOE SHAYE-
        He can't breath. You have to call a
        doctor.

        STANT WARDEN GARREN
        The doctor p fnl'sf in the morning.
        You can't just t him die. I have
        orders from the Embassy!
        This man is going t tradited
        to the United State am holding
        you responsible if ant happens!
        Suddenly Garren looks past Shaye -- eyeing the curtain that
        partially encloses Frank's bed. Garren slowly moves toward
        the curtain, pushes it open.

        FRANK IS GONE

        CLOSE ON GARREN
        drawing his gun and sprinting out the open door of the
        infirmary, yelling in French for the Guard to follow. Joe
        Shaye stands motionless, staring down in horror at the empty
        bed.
        JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
        Oh, shit.. .Frank!
        8 INT. - PRISON. - CONTINUOUS 8

        The prison ALARM has sent every prisoner to the front of
        their cells, where they see Frank stumbling through the
        prison --

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        7.

        8 CONTINUED: 8
        a thin smile on his lips as he tries to move his starved
        legs toward the main door.
        As Frank makes his way past a row of cheering prisoners, he
        trips and falls, his body too weak to run as he starts to
        crawl across the prison floor.
        Joe and Garren easily catch up to him, Garren quickly
        kneeling
        down and holding his gun against Frank's head --cocking the
        weapon. Frank stops crawling, rolls over on his back and
        smiles up at Joe Shaye.

        FRANK
        Okay, Joe...let's go home.

        9 INT. - NEW ROCHELLE ROTARY CLUB. - BANQUET ROOM. - NIGHT 9


        SUPER: NEW ROCHELLE. NEW JERSEY 1964
        A smoke filled oak dining room packed with CLUB MEMBERS --
        HUNDREDS OF MIDDLE AGED WHITE MEN wearing black suits and
        holding long cigars as they drink from brandy glasses.
        FRANK ABAGNALE, 15, a BUCKLEY PRIVATE SCHOOL BLUE
        BLAZER AND WHITE PANT with his mother, PAULA, 33, at
        a center table near themes Paula is a stunning blonde
        dressed in diamonds and and since she's the only woman
        in the room -- she's getti t of attention. CLUB
        PRESIDENT JACK WRIGHT takes rophone at the front of
        the stage.

        JACK WRIGHT
        The New Rochelle Rotary Club has a
        history that goes back to 1859. In
        all those years, we have only inducted
        a handful of deserving men as lifetime
        members, an honor that has seen 187
        names enshrined on the wall of honor.
        Tonight, we make it 188. So please
        stand, as I present my good friend,
        Frank William Abagnale.
        Applause all around as FRANK ABAGNALE SR. steps up to the
        MICROPHONE. He is handsome and impeccable groomed -- wearing
        a black suit and holding onto his plaque with two hands.

        FRANK SR.
        Two little mice fell in a bucket of
        cream. The first mouse quickly gave
        up and drowned, but the second mouse
        wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard,

        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        8.

        9 CONTINUED: 9
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        that he eventually churned that cream
        into butter -- and crawled out.
        Gentleman, as of this moment, I am
        that second mouse.
        Laughter from the men in the room as Frank continues.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        I stand here today humbled by the
        presence of Mayor Allen, and our
        club President, Jack Wright. But
        most of all, I am honored to see my
        loving wife, Paula, and my son, Frank
        Jr., sitting in the front-row. I'm
        just a business man, a working stiff --
        but tonight you have made me royalty.
        And for this, I am eternally grateful.
        The men applaud as Frank Sr. smiles down at his wife and
        son, giving them a wink as he raises the plaque in the air.
        10 EXT. - FRANK'S HOUSE. -/W ROCHELLE. - DAY 10

        A tree lined, picture ce of suburbia, with large homes
        splashed with snow, Ca n the driveways and kids
        sledding in the street.
        Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

        Summary Frank Abagnale Jr. pleads for help in a prison cell as his health deteriorates. FBI Agent Joe Shaye tells him he will be extradited and serve a long prison sentence. Frank's health worsens, and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe Shaye becomes alarmed and calls for help. The scene cuts to Frank escaping the infirmary, but he is caught and held at gunpoint. He smiles up at Joe Shaye, indicating a desire to go home. The scene then transitions to a banquet room, where Frank Sr. is honored by the New Rochelle Rotary Club.
        Strengths "Building tension, emotional impact, characterization"
        Weaknesses "Abrupt transitions, lack of depth in side characters"

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene effectively portrays the dire situation Frank Jr. is in and builds tension with his deteriorating health. The abrupt transition to the prison escape and the subsequent confrontation at gunpoint adds excitement and raises the stakes. The scene then ends on a positive note with Frank's desire to go home. Overall, the scene is well-constructed and engaging.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of a man desperate to escape a prison cell and the subsequent pursuit and confrontation with law enforcement is familiar but executed effectively in this scene. The transition to the banquet room also adds an interesting contrast to the tense prison setting.

        Plot: 8

        The plot of this scene revolves around Frank Jr.'s deteriorating health in the prison cell, his plea for help, and the confrontation between him, Joe Shaye, and Assistant Warden Garren. The tension escalates with Frank's escape attempt and his eventual capture. The scene ends with the introduction of Frank Sr. at the banquet, teasing a new development in the story.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of a prison infirmary and the circumstances of a character potentially escaping are familiar elements, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters are unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is high, as they react realistically to the situation.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        Frank Jr. is portrayed as desperate and sick in the prison cell, eliciting sympathy from the audience. Joe Shaye is depicted as concerned and determined to help Frank. Assistant Warden Garren is shown as callous and apathetic. Frank Sr. is introduced as an honored figure at the banquet, adding depth to the character dynamics.

        Character Changes: 6

        While there isn't significant character development in this scene, it does showcase the determination and resilience of Frank Jr. as he attempts to escape, despite his weakened state. Assistant Warden Garren's callousness is highlighted, further establishing his antagonistic role.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to save Frank from suffocating and dying. This reflects Joe Shaye's deeper need to protect and save those who are in danger or vulnerable. It also reflects his fear of being held responsible for someone's death.

        External Goal: 9

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find Frank, who has disappeared from his hospital bed. This reflects the immediate challenge of locating and apprehending a potentially escaped prisoner.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 8

        The conflict in this scene is high, with Frank Jr. facing deteriorating health, the threat of a long prison sentence, and the urgent need for medical help. The confrontation between Frank Jr., Joe Shaye, and Assistant Warden Garren escalates the conflict, culminating in Frank's attempted escape and subsequent capture.

        Opposition: 9

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as Frank's potential escape poses a significant challenge for the protagonist and other characters involved. The audience is unsure of the outcome and is invested in seeing how the characters will overcome this obstacle.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes in this scene are particularly high for Frank Jr., as his health is rapidly deteriorating and he faces a long prison sentence. The tension escalates with his escape attempt and the subsequent confrontation at gunpoint. The introduction of Frank Sr. at the banquet hints at potential consequences for the family.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the dire situation Frank Jr. is in, his desperate attempts to escape, and the introduction of Frank Sr. as an honored figure. It raises the stakes and sets up further developments in the plot.

        Unpredictability: 8

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a sudden twist when Frank disappears from his hospital bed, leading to a chase and potential escape. The unexpected turn of events keeps the audience guessing about the characters' actions and the resolution of the scene.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene successfully evokes a range of emotions, from sympathy for Frank Jr.'s plight in the prison cell to tension and concern during his deteriorating health. The abrupt transition to the escape attempt adds excitement and surprise, which is then followed by a bittersweet moment as Frank Sr. is honored at the banquet. Overall, the scene elicits strong emotional responses from the audience.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and desperation of Frank Jr. in his pleas for help. Joe Shaye's dialogue reflects his concern and commitment to protecting Frank. Assistant Warden Garren's dialogue highlights his indifference to Frank's deteriorating health. The dialogue at the banquet introduces Frank Sr. as a well-spoken and respected character.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with clear goals and obstacles. The fast-paced action and dialogue keep the audience invested in the characters' actions and the outcome of the scene.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension. The fast-paced action and dialogue keep the scene moving at a brisk pace, capturing the audience's attention and maintaining their engagement.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene heading is correctly formatted, the dialogue is properly formatted with character names and action lines, and there are clear transitions between scene elements.

        Structure: 7

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear description of the location and introduces the characters involved. The conflict and events unfold in a logical and cohesive manner.


        Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. However, there are a few areas where improvements can be made:

        1. The description of the setting could be more detailed. Providing specific details about the room and its atmosphere can help create a more vivid visual image for the reader.

        2. The dialogue between Joe Shaye and Assistant Warden Garren feels a bit forced and expository. Consider finding a more natural way to convey the information about the doctor and extradition.

        3. The action sequence when Garren realizes Frank is missing could be more dynamic. Instead of simply looking at the curtain and then running out, consider adding more urgency and tension to the scene to heighten the suspense.

        4. The transition from the prison to the New Rochelle Rotary Club is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer indication of the time jump.

        5. The dialogue of Frank Sr.'s speech at the banquet could be more impactful and emotionally resonant. Consider enhancing the language to make it more memorable and inspiring.

        By addressing these areas, the scene could be further improved to captivate the audience and enhance the overall storytelling.
        Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and provides clear visuals and dialogue. However, there are a few suggestions to improve it:

        1. Clarify the setting: In the beginning, mention that this scene takes place in a prison infirmary. This helps establish the location and adds to the tension when Frank escapes.

        2. Character introductions: Add a brief description or introduction of each character as they appear. This helps the reader visualize them and understand their role in the scene.

        3. Emotional reactions: Explore the emotions of the characters more. For example, describe Joe Shaye's reaction when he sees Frank struggling to breathe. Show his concern and urgency in trying to get help. Similarly, describe Garren's reaction when he realizes Frank is missing. This adds depth to the characters and enhances the intensity of the scene.

        4. Action and pacing: Use shorter, more concise sentences and paragraph breaks to increase the pace of the scene. This will reflect the urgency and intensity of the situation.

        5. Visual descriptions: Provide more visual details in the prison scene. Describe the reactions of other prisoners as they watch Frank trying to escape. Use imagery to illustrate Frank's weakened state and the desperation in his attempt to reach the main door. This will enhance the visual impact of the scene.

        6. Dialogue attribution: Make sure to attribute each line of dialogue to the corresponding character. This helps readers keep track of who is speaking and avoids confusion.

        By implementing these suggestions, you can further enhance the clarity, intensity, and visual impact of the scene.



        Scene 4 -  Frank's Desperate Plea
        11 EXT. - FRANK'S HOUSE CHRISTMA4ER2MF , - DAY 11

        DEAN MARTIN is singing EVERYBOD SOMEBODY on the radio,
        as Frank Sr. hammers his PLAQUE i the wall. in the middle
        of the DEN, Frank is dancing with his mother, who is holding
        a glass of wine as she dances.

        PAULA
        You're a better dancer than your
        father, Frankie. The girls don't
        know what they're in for.

        FRANK SR.
        Paula, show him the dance you were
        doing when we met.

        PAULA
        Who can remember?

        FRANK SR.
        The people in that little French
        Village were so happy to see
        Americans, that they decided to put
        on a show for us.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        9.

        11 CONTINUED: 11

        FRANK
        I know the story, Dad.

        FRANK SR.
        So they cram two hundred soldiers
        into this tiny social hall, and the
        first person to walk on stage is
        your mother. And she starts to
        dance...
        Paula steps away from Frank, and she starts to dance a
        ballet,
        smiling as she tries to remember the steps.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        It had been months since we had even
        seen a woman, and here's this blonde
        angel on stage -- and the men are
        literally holding their breath. And
        I turned to my buddies, and I said..

        FRANK
        (imitating his father)
        I will not lea France without her.
        Paula spins around, accide1 49, ILLS HER GLASS OF WINE --

        PAULA
        Oh, shit, the rug! I b relieve I
        did that. Frankie, run /get a
        towel...
        As Frank runs off, Paula drops to her knees and scrubs the
        stain with the hem of her dress.

        PAULA (CONT'D)
        This will never come out.
        She looks up at her husband.

        PAULA (CONT'D)
        Whenever I dance for you, I get in
        trouble.

        12 INT. - FRANK'S HOUSE. - MORNING 12

        Frank is asleep in his bedroom. His father walks in carrying
        a plate of scrambled eggs.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        10.

        12 CONTINUED: 12
        FRANK SR.
        Wake up, Frank... it's eight-thirty.
        Frank opens his eyes, stares at his father.

        FRANK
        I overslept. Mom's gonna kill me.

        FRANK SR.
        It's okay. You don't have to go to
        school today.

        FRANK
        Is it snowing?

        FRANK SR.
        Do you own a black suit?

        FRANK
        A black suit? Why?

        FRANK SR.
        We have a vermportant meeting in
        the city.
        Genres: ["drama","family"]

        Summary Frank Abagnale Jr. is visited by FBI agent Joe Shaye in his prison cell. Frank pleads for help as his health deteriorates. Joe informs him that he will be extradited and serve a long prison sentence. Frank's health worsens, and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe becomes alarmed and calls for help. The scene then cuts to Frank being dragged out of his cell, with Joe expressing concern that Frank has stopped breathing.
        Strengths "The scene effectively creates a sense of suspense and concern for the well-being of Frank Abagnale Jr. The performances of the actors convey the desperation and conflict experienced by the characters."
        Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable, and there could be more innovative elements in the scene."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 7

        The overall rating for this scene is a 7 because it effectively portrays the desperation and worsening health of Frank Abagnale Jr. and creates a sense of suspense and concern for his well-being.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept rating for this scene is a 7 because it presents the dilemma faced by Frank Abagnale Jr. as he pleads for help and faces the prospect of a long prison sentence.

        Plot: 8

        The plot rating for this scene is an 8 because it effectively establishes the dire situation Frank Abagnale Jr. is in and sets up the conflict between him and FBI agent Joe Shaye.

        Originality: 4

        This scene does not introduce any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches, as it primarily focuses on traditional family dynamics. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the scene's realism.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters rating for this scene is an 8 because it effectively portrays the desperation and determination of Frank Abagnale Jr. and the concern and conflict faced by FBI agent Joe Shaye.

        Character Changes: 7

        The character changes rating for this scene is a 7 because it shows the deterioration of Frank Abagnale Jr.'s health and the concern and conflict faced by FBI agent Joe Shaye.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his parents and feel a sense of belonging. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance and love.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that his immediate challenge is to clean the wine stain from the rug and avoid getting into trouble.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The level of conflict in this scene is a 9 because it is centered around the conflict between Frank Abagnale Jr. and FBI agent Joe Shaye, as well as the internal conflict faced by Frank as his health deteriorates.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the protagonist faces a small obstacle of cleaning the wine stain. The outcome is uncertain, as the audience does not know if the stain will come out or if the protagonist will get into trouble.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in this scene as Frank Abagnale Jr. pleads for help and faces the prospect of a long prison sentence, while his health deteriorates and his life hangs in the balance.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the dire situation of Frank Abagnale Jr. and setting up the potential for his escape or rescue.

        Unpredictability: 5

        This scene is somewhat predictable, as it follows familiar family dynamics and does not introduce unexpected plot twists or conflicts.

        Philosophical Conflict: 2

        There is not a clear philosophical conflict evident in this scene. It focuses more on the protagonist's personal and familial relationships.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The emotional impact of this scene is an 8 because it evokes feelings of sadness, horror, and hope as the audience witnesses the desperate plea for help and the worsening health of Frank Abagnale Jr.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue rating for this scene is a 6 because while it effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters, it could benefit from more impactful and memorable lines.

        Engagement: 7

        This scene is engaging because it provides insight into the protagonist's relationship with his parents and creates a sense of nostalgia and warmth. The dialogue and interactions between characters are relatable and evoke emotions.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and nostalgia, as well as moments of action and dialogue. It creates a rhythm that keeps the reader engaged and interested in the characters' interactions.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively uses scene headings, action descriptions, dialogue, and character names.

        Structure: 9

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces characters, and develops the scene's conflict and resolution.


        Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-written and effectively captures a moment of family dynamics and nostalgia. However, there are a few areas where improvements could be made:

        1. Scene Heading: The scene heading should provide more specific information, such as the location or room within Frank's house where the scene takes place (e.g. "INT. - FRANK'S LIVING ROOM - DAY").

        2. Formatting: Some of the action lines and dialogue could be formatted more clearly. For example, it would be clearer if each character's dialogue is indented and their names are in all caps. Additionally, make sure to include proper punctuation and capitalization.

        3. Description: The scene could benefit from more descriptive language to create a visual atmosphere and enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters' actions.

        4. Dialogue: The dialogue feels authentic and reveals aspects of the characters' personalities. However, it could be tightened or trimmed in places to improve pacing and make it more impactful.

        5. Character Introductions: It would be helpful to include brief character introductions when a new character is introduced, to give the readers a better understanding of who they are.

        6. Overall Context: It's important to consider how this scene fits within the larger story and whether it moves the plot or character development forward effectively.

        By addressing these suggestions, the scene has the potential to be even more engaging and immersive for the reader.
        Suggestions Suggestions to improve this scene:
        1. Clarify the setting: Provide more specific details about Frank's house, such as the time period, style, and atmosphere. This will create a clearer visual image for the reader.
        2. Add more description: Describe Frank's actions, expressions, and body language while he dances with his mother. This will help the reader understand the dynamics between the characters and their emotions.
        3. Enhance dialogue: Make the conversation between Paula and Frank Sr. more natural and authentic. Consider adding more specific details and personal anecdotes to make it feel like a real conversation between a married couple.
        4. Show more emotion: Explore Paula's feelings and reactions when she spills her wine. This moment could be an opportunity to reveal more about her character and her relationship with Frank Sr.
        5. Transition smoothly: Ensure a smooth transition between the two scenes. Consider adding a sentence or two to bridge the gap and provide a seamless flow between the morning and the previous night.
        6. Increase tension: Build anticipation by introducing a conflict or challenge for Frank. This will create more intrigue and engage the reader/viewer.
        7. Develop characters: Show more of Frank's personality through his interaction with his father. This can help establish his relationship with his parents and his role in the story.
        8. Specify the importance of the meeting in the city: Add more context to make it clear why the meeting is significant and how it will impact the plot. This will create more anticipation and raise the stakes for the characters.



        Scene 5 -  Frank's Desperate Plea
        13 EXT. - MEN'S SHOP. - 13

        THE WHITE CADILLAC is park ont of A MEN'S CLOTHING
        STORE -- Frank Sr. banging o tme lass door, trying to get
        someone's attention.
        pl�y( l

        FRANK SR.
        Ma'am, open the door. Just open up,
        please, it's important.
        THE DOOR OPENS A CRACK AND DARCY, 40's, low cut blouse, a
        bagel in her hand, stares at Frank Sr.

        DARCY
        we don't open for half an hour.

        FRANK SR.
        What's your name, ma'am?

        DARCY
        Darcy.

        FRANK SR.
        Darcy, that's a pretty name. I'm in
        a bit of fix -- I need a suit for my
        kid. This is my son, Frank, he needs
        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        11.

        13 CONTINUED: 13
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        a black suit. There was a death in
        the family, my father, eighty-five
        years old, a war hero, there's a
        funeral this afternoon -- a military
        funeral -- planes flying overhead,
        twenty-one gun salute. Frank needs
        to borrow a suit for a couple of
        hours.

        DARCY
        I'm sorry. We don't loan suits, and
        we're not open.
        As she closes the door, Frank Sr. takes a small GOLD
        NECKLACE
        OUT OF HIS POCKET, holds it up to the glass.

        FRANK SR.
        Is this yours, Darcy? I just found
        it in the parking lot?
        Darcy stares at the necklace through the door.

        14 EXT. - NEW YORK CITY. - DAB O 14

        The Cadillac is parked somewh
        Frank, now wearing a BLACK SUIT a
        his father gets out of the car andclimbs into the back seat

        FRANK SR.
        Slide over. You're gonna take me to
        Chase Manhattan Bank. Just head up
        to seventy-second and Madison, pull
        up to the front and park next to the
        fire hydrant.
        Frank looks back at his father.
        FRANK
        Dad...I don't know how to drive.

        15 EXT/INT. - CADILLAC. - DAY 15

        Frank is driving through Manhattan, his father in the back
        seat screaming directions as he teaches him to drive. They
        are both laughing as Frank speeds through the city.

        (CONTINUED)

        DEBBIE ZANE




        12.

        15 CONTINUED: 15

        FRANK SR.
        A little more gas -- now slip it
        into second. That's good, more clutch,
        now pull into this lane here --
        slowly!

        THE CADILLAC SWERVES HARD, ALMOST HITTING A CAB -- CARS

        HONKING AND SLAMMING ON THEIR BRAKES AS FRANK SR. STICKS HIS

        HEAD OUT THE WINDOW.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        (yelling out the window)
        Don't honk at us you son of a bitch --
        I'm teaching my kid to drive! You're
        doing fine, Frank, just pick a lane
        and slip it into third -- about one-
        o'clock -- push it hard.

        < A
        Frank slips it into third.
        FRANK SR_ (cont'd)
        Perfect! Now you got it! Look at
        you, Frank, t is your town --
        you're goin s aight up Broadway!

        16 INT. - CHASE MANHATTAN. 16
        1
        EMPLOYEES ARE HELPING CUST RS the hushed silence of the
        MASSIVE BANK. Suddenly all ey to the street, where A

        CHAUFFEUR IN A BLACK SUIT AND OPENING THE BACK DOOR

        OF A WHITE CADILLAC THAT IS P T TO A FIRE HYDRANT.

        17 EXT. - CHASE MANHATTAN BANK. - DAY 17

        Frank Sr. steps out of the Cadillac, gives his son a wink.

        FRANK SR.
        Okay. Stop grinning. When I get inside
        you go back to the front seat and
        wait. Even if a cop comes and writes
        you a ticket, you don't move the
        car, understood?

        FRANK
        Dad... is this really gonna help?

        FRANK SR.
        You know why the Yankees always win,
        Frank?

        FRANK
        They have Mickey Mantle?

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        13-

        17 CONTINUED: 17

        FRANK SR.
        No. It's because the other teams
        can't stop staring at those damn
        pinstripes.
        Frank Sr. steps out from the Cadillac, grabs his briefcase.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Watch this, Frank. The manager of
        Chase Manhattan bank is about to
        open the door for your father.
        As Frank Sr. casually walks toward the doors of Chase
        Manhattan, the MANAGER rushes through the bank to open the
        doors for him.
        Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

        Summary Frank Abagnale Jr. pleads for help in a prison cell as his health deteriorates. FBI Agent Joe Shaye tells him he will be extradited and serve a long prison sentence. Frank's health worsens, and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe Shaye becomes alarmed and calls for help.
        Strengths
        • Effective portrayal of desperation
        • High stakes
        • Well-developed characters
        Weaknesses
        • Dialogue could be more complex

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The overall rating is 9 because the scene effectively portrays Frank's desperation and the high stakes he is facing.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept rating is 8 because the scene effectively introduces the conflict and sets up the dire situation for the protagonist.

        Plot: 9

        The plot rating is 9 because the scene moves the story forward by showing the worsening health of Frank and the potential consequences he is facing.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a character trying to find clothing for a funeral is not entirely unique, the specific circumstances of the military funeral and the protagonist's resourcefulness and desperation add a fresh approach to a familiar scenario. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters rating is 8 because both Frank Abagnale Jr. and FBI Agent Joe Shaye are well-developed and their actions and dialogue reveal their personalities and motivations.

        Character Changes: 7

        The character changes rating is 7 because while there is not a significant character change in this scene, it does show Frank's worsening health and his desperation for help.

        Internal Goal: 7

        The protagonist's internal goal is to find a suit for his son to wear to a military funeral. This goal reflects his deeper need to honor his father's memory and uphold the family's traditions and values. It also showcases his fear of not being able to properly pay respect to his father and his desire to provide for his son during this difficult time.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal is to find a suit for his son to borrow for a couple of hours. This goal reflects the immediate circumstance of the impending funeral and the challenge of finding appropriate attire in a short amount of time.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict level is 9 because there is a high level of tension and urgency in the scene, with Frank's deteriorating health and the potential consequences he is facing.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderate. While the store employee initially opposes the protagonist's requests, the protagonist is able to find a way to get what he needs. The audience is kept uncertain of how the situation will resolve until the protagonist successfully convinces the store employee to let him in.

        High Stakes: 10

        The high stakes rating is 10 because the scene demonstrates the serious consequences Frank is facing, both in terms of his health and his potential prison sentence.

        Story Forward: 9

        The story forward rating is 9 because the scene progresses the plot by showing the dire situation Frank is in and the potential consequences he is facing.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the protagonist finding a necklace and using it as leverage to convince the store employee to let him in. These unexpected twists and turns keep the reader engaged and unsure of how the situation will resolve.

        Philosophical Conflict: 6

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the importance of traditions and honoring the past, and the store employee's adherence to rules and lack of empathy. The protagonist values the significance of the funeral and the military honors, while the store employee focuses solely on the store's policies and opening hours.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The emotional impact is 8 because the scene effectively elicits sympathy for Frank and creates a sense of concern for his well-being.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue rating is 7 because while the dialogue effectively conveys the information and emotions of the characters, it could be improved with more depth and complexity.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it captures the reader's attention through the urgency of the protagonist's situation and the emotional stakes involved. The dialogue and actions of the characters create a sense of tension and suspense, making the reader want to know what will happen next.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and urgency with moments of comedic relief and character development. The scene moves quickly, keeping the reader engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The action lines and descriptions are clear and concise.

        Structure: 7

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and establishes the location and characters through dialogue and narrative description. The action progresses logically and leads to a resolution with the protagonist successfully finding a suit.


        Critique Overall, the scene effectively establishes the urgency and determination of the character Frank Sr. The dialogue and actions convey his desperation to get a suit for his son and his willingness to do whatever it takes. The interaction with Darcy adds some tension and conflict to the scene.

        However, there are a few areas for improvement. Firstly, there are some typos and formatting errors in the script, such as missing words and inconsistent spacing. These should be fixed to ensure a polished and professional script.

        Additionally, the dialogue could be slightly tightened to make it more concise and impactful. For example, instead of Frank Sr. explaining in detail about the funeral, it could be condensed into one or two sentences to maintain the urgency of the scene.

        Lastly, the transition between the Cadillac being parked somewhere in New York City to driving through Manhattan feels abrupt and could be smoother. Including some additional details or descriptions to bridge the two locations would help the flow of the scene.

        Overall, the scene has potential and effectively conveys Frank Sr.'s determination, but some minor adjustments could enhance its impact.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Provide more description: The scene lacks visual and atmospheric details. Add more details about the setting, such as the time of day, weather conditions, and any distinctive features of the men's clothing store.

        2. Characterization: Give more descriptions of the characters' physical appearances, body language, and facial expressions to help the reader visualize them better. This can also help to portray their personalities and emotions.

        3. Dialogue clarity: Make the dialogue more concise and easy to follow. Remove unnecessary repetitions and make sure the characters' intentions and emotions are clear.

        4. Use action and gestures: Incorporate more action and gestures to enhance the scene. For example, instead of just stating that Frank Sr. is banging on the glass door, describe how he pounds on it with frustration. Show Darcy's reaction through her body language and facial expressions as she stares at the necklace.

        5. Show character development: Use actions and dialogue to show a change in the characters. For instance, Frank Sr. could start off frustrated and desperate but gradually becomes more charming and persuasive. Frank, on the other hand, could start off timid and unsure but gains confidence as his father teaches him to drive.

        6. Sensory details: Incorporate more sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene. Describe the sounds of car horns honking and the bustling city streets as Frank Sr. teaches Frank to drive.

        7. Show the consequences: After Frank Sr. successfully gets the manager to open the doors, show how this action leads to the resolution of their problem. This could include the manager helping them get the suit they need or showing their progress towards their goal.

        Overall, focus on creating a vivid and engaging scene that advances the plot and reveals more about the characters.



        Scene 6 -  Frank Jr.'s Plea for Help
        18 INT. - LOAN DEPARTMENT. - CHASE MANHATTAN BANK. - DAY 18

        Frank Sr. is sitting across from a LOAN OFFICER, who is
        looking over his file.

        LOAN OFFICER
        You've owned stationery store
        for how man rs?

        LOAN OF
        Mr. Abagnale, we don' `)1y loan
        money to people who hav resolved
        business with the I.R.S..

        FRANK SR.
        That's just a misunderstanding. I
        hired the wrong guy to do my books,
        a mistake anyone could make. I
        wouldn't even consider that if I
        were you.

        LOAN OFFICER
        You want me to ignore the fact that
        the government is demanding two years
        back taxes?

        FRANK SR.
        My store is a landmark in New
        Rochelle. I have customers all over
        New Jersey.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        14.

        18 CONTINUED: 18
        LOAN OFFICER
        Sir, you're not a customer of Chase
        Manhattan. We don't know you. I'm
        sure you're bank in New Rochelle...

        FRANK SR.
        My bank went out of business. Banks
        like this put them out of business.
        Frank Sr. leans in, lowers his voice.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Now I know I made a mistake, I admit
        that. But these people want blood --
        they want my store -- they've
        threatened to put me in jail. This
        is America, right, I'm not a criminal.
        I'm a medal of honor winner, a
        lifetime member of the New Rochelle
        Rotary Club. All I'm asking you to
        do is help me beat these guys.

        LFRX OFFICER
        This is not estion of winning
        and losing. It, question of risk.
        I'm very sort

        FRAN
        You're the largest ion the world.
        Where's the fucking

        19 EXT. - USED CAR LOT. - DAY 19

        A SALESMAN is handing Frank Sr. A CHECK and a set of KEYS.

        SALESMAN
        The Impala is parked right over there.
        Frank and his father glance toward an OLD, DENTED CHEVY
        IMPALA
        at the back of the lot.

        SALESMAN (CONT'D)
        it was great doing business with
        you.
        THE SALESMAN gets in the CADILLAC and drives it toward the
        front of the car lot. Frank Sr. looks down at the CHECK in
        his hand.

        FRANK SR.
        Come on, Frank. Let's go return the
        suit.
        Debbie 7 ana - S
        15.

        20 EXT. - FRANK'S HOUSE. - DAY 20

        A MOVING TRUCK IS DRIVING AWAY FROM THE HOUSE. The Chevy
        Impala is packed with boxes as it slowly pulls out of the
        driveway, passing the SOLD SIGN on the front lawn as it
        follows the moving truck through the neighborhood.

        21 EXT. - EASTCHESTER TRAIN STATION. - DUSK 21

        A CARGO TRAIN shoots through the rain as it pulls into a run
        down station that is flanked by the dilapidated APARTMENT
        BUILDINGS AND TENEMENT HOUSES that make up the town of

        EASTCHESTER, NEW JERSEY.

        22 INT. - EASTCHESTER APARTMENT - NIGHT 22

        A TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT with cracks in the ceiling that seem
        to grow with each passing train. There are MOVING BOXES
        STACKED AGAINST THE WALLS, and a dining room table that
        seems
        to take up half the apartment.
        Frank is in the kitchen making dinner as his father walks in
        from work -- his suit wX kled, his briefcase in hand.

        J P
        ank laughs with him.

        FRANK (CONT'D)
        I'm making pancakes.

        FRANK SR.
        We're not gonna eat pancakes for
        dinner on my son's sixteenth birthday.
        Frank turns to his father.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Why are you looking at me like that?
        You thought I forgot?
        Frank opens his BRIEFCASE, takes out a CHECKBOOK FROM CHASE
        MANHATTAN BANK. He walks over and hands it to Frank.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        16.

        22 CONTINUED: 22
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        I opened a checking account in your
        name. I put twenty-five dollars in
        the account so you can buy whatever
        you want. Don't tell you mother.
        Frank slowly opens the CHECKBOOK, sees his name at the top
        of the first check.

        FRANK
        But they turned down your loan?

        FRANK SR.
        Yeah. They all turned me down.

        FRANK
        So why open a bank account with them?

        FRANK SR..
        Because one day you'll want something
        from these people -- a house, a car --
        they have all the money. There's a
        hundred check ere, Frank, which
        means from i day on -- you're in

        THEIR LITTL
        Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

        Summary Frank Jr. pleads for help in a prison cell as his health deteriorates. FBI Agent Joe Shaye informs him of his extradition and long prison sentence. Frank's health worsens, and he starts coughing uncontrollably. Joe becomes alarmed and calls for help.
        Strengths "The scene effectively creates tension and raises the stakes. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and engaging."
        Weaknesses "The transition between scenes could be smoother and the emotional impact could be further intensified."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively portrays the dire situation and desperation faced by Frank Jr. The dialogue and actions of the characters help to create tension and suspense.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of a character's deteriorating health and his plea for help in a prison setting is intriguing and engaging.

        Plot: 9

        The plot progresses as Frank Jr.'s health worsens and Joe Shaye becomes alarmed, leading to a potential turning point in the story.

        Originality: 5

        This scene does not contain any particularly original situations or fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds credibility to the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        Frank Jr.'s desperation and pleading for help, as well as Joe Shaye's concern and actions, make them compelling characters in this scene.

        Character Changes: 8

        Frank Jr. experiences a change in his physical health and situation, leading to a potential shift in his character arc.

        Internal Goal: 7

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convince the loan officer to approve his loan despite his unresolved business with the IRS. This reflects his fear of losing his store and his desire to protect his reputation and livelihood.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure a loan to save his store and overcome the immediate challenge of the government demanding back taxes. This goal is reflected in his attempts to persuade the loan officer and his mention of customers from New Jersey.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict in this scene is high, as Frank Jr. desperately seeks help while facing a potential long prison sentence and his deteriorating health.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The loan officer presents a challenging obstacle for the protagonist, and the audience is unsure of how the conversation will go.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high in this scene, as Frank Jr.'s health deteriorates, he faces extradition and a long prison sentence, and his plea for help becomes urgent.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward as it raises the stakes, introduces potential consequences, and builds tension.

        Unpredictability: 4

        This scene is somewhat predictable as the outcome of the loan application is expected to be negative. However, the protagonist's desperate attempts to convince the loan officer add some elements of unpredictability.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene evokes emotions of desperation, concern, and tension as Frank Jr.'s health worsens and he pleads for help.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency, desperation, and concern of the characters.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because of the heightened conflict between the protagonist and the loan officer, and the stakes involved in the protagonist's struggle to save his store.

        Pacing: 7

        The pacing of the scene is effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. The dialogue and actions of the characters maintain a steady rhythm and keep the scene moving.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes appropriate use of capitalization, punctuation, and paragraph breaks.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names with dialogue, and scene descriptions.


        Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the conflict and desperation faced by Frank Sr. as he tries to secure a loan. The dialogue between the Loan Officer and Frank Sr. effectively highlights the stakes and the reasons why Frank Sr. desperately needs the loan.

        However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

        First, there are a few typos and formatting errors, such as missing punctuation and incorrect capitalization. These errors can be distracting and should be corrected for a more professional presentation.

        Second, the dialogue could be tightened up for better clarity and impact. For example, the Loan Officer's line "Sir, you're not a customer of Chase Manhattan. We don't know you. I'm sure you're bank in New Rochelle..." is a bit wordy and repetitive. It could be condensed to something like "Sorry, but since you're not a customer of Chase Manhattan and we don't know you, it's difficult for us to approve your loan."

        Additionally, there could be more specificity and detail regarding Frank Sr.'s situation and the consequences he's facing. For example, it would be helpful to know more about the back taxes he owes and why the government is threatening to put him in jail. This could add more depth and urgency to the scene.

        Lastly, the transition between different locations and time periods could be smoother. Clear section headings or cues would help the reader better understand when and where each part of the scene is taking place.

        Overall, this scene effectively conveys the tension and stakes of Frank Sr.'s situation, but it could be strengthened with some minor revisions for clarity and impact.
        Suggestions Suggestions to improve this scene:

        1. Clarify the character names: It is unclear who "Loan Officer" and "Loan of" are referring to. Make sure it is clear who is speaking by using their full names or introducing them more clearly.

        2. Rewrite the dialogue for better flow: Some of the dialogue feels clunky and could be rewritten to sound more natural. For example, "You've owned stationery store for how man rs?" could be rewritten as "How many years have you owned the stationery store?"

        3. Provide more context for the conflict: It would be helpful to understand more about why the government is demanding back taxes and why the loan officer is hesitant to give the loan. This could create more tension and stakes in the scene.

        4. Strengthen Frank Sr.'s argument: Frank Sr.'s argument for why he should be given the loan could be more compelling and persuasive. Consider adding specific examples of his successful business or a heartfelt plea for help.

        5. Add more visual details: Screenplays are visual mediums, so consider adding more description of the characters and their surroundings. This can help the reader visualize the scene and create a more immersive experience.

        6. Transition between scenes more smoothly: The abrupt transition from the loan department to the used car lot could be smoother. Add a line or brief action description to better connect the two locations.

        7. Develop the emotional impact of the scene: The scene where Frank Sr. gives Frank a check for his birthday could be more emotionally impactful. Explore the father-son relationship and create more depth in their interaction to make the moment more meaningful.

        Overall, these suggestions aim to make the scene more engaging, emotionally impactful, and clearer for the reader.



        Scene 7 -  Frank's First Day at Monroe High School
        23 EXT. - MONROE HIGH SCHOO MORNING 23


        O FLL\
        THE IMPALA pulls up to the f the local public High
        School. Frank wears his BLUE WHITE PANTS as he
        gets out of the car and smiles r mother. Paula wears an
        OLD FUR COAT over her pajamas.

        I

        PAULA
        See that, it's just a school. No
        different than Buckley.
        Frank reaches through the window of the car, takes the
        CIGARETTE out of his mother's mouth.

        FRANK
        You promised you were going to quit.

        PAULA
        Frankie, you don't have to wear the
        uniform here. Why don't you take the
        jacket off?

        FRANK
        I'm used to it.
        Debbie Zane - 5




        17.

        24 INT. - MONROE HIGH SCHOOL. - DAY 24

        Frank walks through the crowded halls looking lost as he
        holds a CLASS SCHEDULE. He gets odd looks and stares from
        the kids around him.

        25 INT. - CLASSROOM. - DAY 25

        Frank walks into a packed classroom, the STUDENTS turning to
        stare as he checks his schedule.

        FRANK
        Is this Ms. Glasser's sixth period
        French?
        Some of the students laugh, most just turn back to their
        friends as Frank nervously adjusts his tie. A GIRL in the
        front row stares at Frank.

        STUDENT
        Are you the sub?
        Frank looks around for `� teacher, then slowly starts to

        NOD_
        Frank walks toward the blac writes his name on the
        board -- MR. ABAGNALE. HE S ACK OF AN ERASER against
        the board to get the students a n.
        FRANK (CONT'D)

        I
        Listen up, class. My name is Mr.
        Abagnale and I'll be your substitute
        today. Would somebody please tell me
        where you left off in your text book?

        GIRL
        Chapter seven.

        FRANK
        Open your books to chapter eight,
        read quietly to yourselves.
        The classroom door swings open, and a frail, confused
        TEACHER
        walks in and motions to Frank.

        TEACHER
        Are you subbing for Roberta?

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        18.

        25 CONTINUED: 25

        FRANK
        Yes.

        TEACHER
        They sent for me -- they said they
        needed a sub. I rushed over here
        from Dixon.

        FRANK
        I always sub for Roberta.

        TEACHER
        I'll never come to Monroe again.
        You tell them not to call me!
        The WOMAN storms out, and Frank turns back to the students.
        FRANK
        I suggest you start reading people.
        Genres: ["drama"]

        Summary Frank arrives at Monroe High School in his uniform. He encounters odd looks and stares from the students. He mistakenly becomes the substitute teacher for a class. The actual teacher storms out in confusion.
        Strengths "The scene has a unique concept and adds complexity to Frank's character."
        Weaknesses "The emotional impact could be stronger, and the dialogue is somewhat simple."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene is well-executed and provides an interesting twist with Frank becoming a substitute teacher.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of a high school student becoming a substitute teacher is intriguing and adds an unexpected element to the story.

        Plot: 7

        The plot moves forward by introducing a new situation for Frank and setting up potential conflict.

        Originality: 3

        This scene does not contain any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The actions and dialogue of the characters are authentic and realistic, but they do not push the boundaries of originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 7

        Frank's character is further developed as he handles the situation and interacts with the students.

        Character Changes: 6

        Frank's character faces a new challenge and has to adapt to it.

        Internal Goal: 7

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to fit in and navigate his new environment. This reflects his deeper need to adapt and find his place in a new school, as well as his fears and desires to be accepted by his peers.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully substitute for Roberta and teach the class. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing as a new substitute teacher.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 6

        There is some conflict with the miscommunication about the substitute teacher and the reaction of the actual teacher.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the protagonist faces challenges in fitting in and being mistaken for a substitute teacher, but it does not present a major obstacle or create significant tension.

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but it sets up potential conflicts for the future.

        Story Forward: 7

        The scene introduces a new situation and potential for further complications.

        Unpredictability: 5

        This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience does not know how Frank will handle being a substitute teacher and interact with the students.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 5

        The scene lacks emotional depth, but does create some tension and confusion.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue is straightforward and serves the purpose of the scene.

        Engagement: 7

        This scene is engaging because it introduces a new setting and a relatable protagonist who is faced with challenges and conflicts in navigating his new school environment.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by effectively conveying the protagonist's initial confusion and discomfort in the new school environment, as well as introducing the conflict of him being mistaken for a substitute teacher.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, capitalization, and punctuation.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions, as well as dialogue properly formatted.


        Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively sets up Frank's entrance into Monroe High School. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

        1. Scene Description: The scene description is lacking in some areas. For example, instead of just mentioning that Frank wears his "BLUE WHITE PANTS," more details could be provided to help visually establish his character. Additionally, it would be helpful to describe the school and its surroundings in more detail to help set the scene.

        2. Character Descriptions: While Frank and Paula's clothing choices are mentioned, it would be beneficial to provide more information about their appearance and demeanor. This would help the reader better visualize the characters and understand their personalities.

        3. Dialogue: The dialogue in the scene is overall good, but there are a few areas that could be tightened up or made more natural. For example, the line "See that, it's just a school. No different than Buckley" could be rephrased to sound more conversational. Additionally, Frank's response to Paula about wearing the uniform could be expanded upon to highlight their relationship and Frank's attitude towards the school.

        4. Cinematic Details: Adding more visual and sensory details to the scene would enhance the reader's experience and make the scene more engaging. This could include describing the sound of car doors closing, the expressions on Frank's and Paula's faces, and the reactions of the students in the classroom.

        These suggestions would help improve the scene's clarity and impact, making it more effective in conveying the story and characters to the reader.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Add more specific and vivid description for the setting:
        - Be more specific about the appearance of Monroe High School. Is it a modern building or an old one? Are there any unique features?
        - Describe the atmosphere of the school, such as the sound of students talking and the hustle and bustle in the halls.
        - Provide details about the weather or any other relevant visual elements.

        2. Show the characters' emotions and reactions:
        - Instead of simply stating that Frank smiles at his mother, describe the specific kind of smile he has and how it reflects his emotions.
        - Show Paula's reaction when Frank takes the cigarette from her mouth. How does she feel about it?
        - Show Frank's reaction to Paula's suggestion of taking off his jacket. Does it make him uncomfortable or does he consider it?

        3. Enhance the dialogue:
        - Make the conversation between Paula and Frank more dynamic by adding some back-and-forth exchanges.
        - Add subtext to their dialogue to reveal more about their relationship or their feelings towards the school.
        - Consider using more natural language and sentence structures to make the dialogue more realistic.

        4. Improve the pacing and flow of the scene:
        - Break down the action into smaller beats to create a more dynamic and engaging visual sequence.
        - Consider adding some movement or physical actions to show Frank's nervousness or discomfort in the new environment.
        - Balance the amount of dialogue and description to maintain a good pace and rhythm.

        5. Develop the supporting characters:
        - Give the students in the classroom distinct reactions to Frank's arrival and make their stares more meaningful or significant.
        - Add some characterization to the woman who mistakenly enters the classroom. Show her confusion or frustration more vividly.

        Remember to keep the scene concise and focused on serving the story and characters.



        Scene 8 -  Frank's Secret
        26 INT. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. - MONROE HIGH SCHOOL - DAY 26

        PRINCIPAL EVANS AND VIARINCIPAL BROWN are standing in
        front of Frank Sr. an la, who sit in two small chairs
        facing the Principal'
        been coming to schq�� not?

        VICE-PRIN ROWN
        Mr. and Mrs. Abagnale, �1� is not a
        question of your son's attendance.

        PRINCIPAL EVANS
        For the past week Frank has been
        teaching Ms. Glasser's French class.

        PAULA
        He what?

        PRINCIPAL EVANS
        Your son has been pretending to be a
        substitute teacher, lecturing the
        students, giving out homework.

        VICE-PRINCIPAL BROWN
        Ms. Glasser has been ill, and there
        was some confusion with the real sub --
        we're still not sure what happened.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        19.

        26 CONTINUED: 26

        PRINCIPAL EVANS
        Your son held a teacher-parent
        conference yesterday. He was planning
        a class field trip to a French bread
        factory in Trenton. Do you see the
        problem we have?
        Frank Sr. and Paula seem a bit confused.

        PAULA
        This is our fault, Principal Evans.
        Frank had been at Buckley since he
        was a little boy. We had to take him
        out for personal reasons, away from
        his friends -- you know how kids
        are. He's all alone here.

        FRANK SR.
        He's not alone. He has us.

        27 EXT. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. - SAME TIME 27

        Frank is sitting outsid' he Principal's office wearing his
        coat and tie, waiting oI his parents to come out. He
        watches
        as a FOOTBALL PLAYER hands- SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR a note.

        FO IL PLAYER
        I have a note fr try om. I need to
        miss sixth period she's taking
        me to the doctor.

        N

        SCHOOL ADMI I"RATOR
        Thank you, Roger.
        As the Football player walks off, Frank leans over to look
        at the note. The Administrator catches him looking.

        FRANK
        It's a fake.

        SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR
        Excuse me?

        FRANK
        There's no crease in the paper.

        SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR
        I don't understand.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -
        20.

        27 CONTINUED: 27

        FRANK
        When your mom hands you a note to
        miss school, you put it in your
        pocket. And if it was in his pocket,
        where's the crease?

        28 INT. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. - DAY 28

        Frank Sr. lights a cigarette as he stands up to leave.

        FRANK SR.
        Excuse me. I have to go to work.

        PRINCIPAL EVANS
        Sir, we have no choice but to suspend
        Frank for one week, and transfer him
        out of French and into German.

        FRANK SR.
        You're not suspending anyone. if you
        go after my son I'll go before the
        school board and ask them who's
        minding the ste at Monroe High.
        I'll ask my4bbd friend Tom Walsh
        how it's po s' or a little kid
        to teach a Fr n ajZa, t ss for an entire
        week without tP incipal of the
        school knowing a i%- I might
        even mention the f t my son
        doesn't speak Frenc
        29 INT. - MONROE HIGH SCHOOL. -DAY w/ 29
        Frank closes his locker, sees FOUR CHEERLEADERS standing in
        front of him. The leader of the group, JOANNA, steps
        forward.

        JOANNA
        Are you that transfer from Buckley?
        Frank looks a bit confused as he stares at the girls.

        FRANK
        Yes.

        JOANNA
        My name is Joanna Carlson, and I was
        wondering if you were going to the
        Junior Prom?

        FRANK
        No. I don't have a date yet. My name
        is Frank Abagnale.

        (CONTINUED)




        21.

        29 CONTINUED: 29

        JOANNA
        Frank, do you think you could buy my'
        friends and I some beer before the
        dance? All the other guys are afraid
        to try.

        FRANK
        I'm only sixteen. How could I buy
        you beer?

        JOANNA
        If you're old enough to teach French,
        you're old enough to buy beer.

        30 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - DAY 30

        Frank walks in from school, throws his books on n-a chair
        and
        opens the refrigerator. The radio is on and there's a bottle
        of wine on the counter.

        FRANK
        Mom, I'm home.
        Nobody answers, and Fk'"slowly walks toward the back bedroom
        door, which is closed.
        Frank's about to knock when th�t b om door suddenly opens,
        and Paula walks out with JACK W - the Rotary Club
        President -- who wears a tailored ck suit. Paula wears a
        dress and holds a tray of food.

        PAULA
        That's all there is, two bedrooms,
        but we're getting used to it. Frankie,
        you remember Dad's friend Jack Wright
        from the club, he came by looking
        for your father -- I was giving him
        a tour of the apartment.

        JACK WRIGHT
        Very spacious, Paula.

        FRANK
        Dad's at work.
        Frank stares at Jack, who walks over and picks up his HAT
        off the chair.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        22.

        30 CONTINUED: 30

        JACK WRIGHT
        You look more like your old man every
        day. Thanks for the sandwich, Paula.
        I'll see ya later.

        FRANK
        Wait.
        Frank walks to the couch, picks up a small ROTARY PIN that
        is lying on the cushions. He holds it up to Jack.

        JACK WRIGHT
        Thank you, Frank. That's the
        President's pin. I'd be in big trouble
        if I lost that.
        Jack clips the pin to his jacket, turns and walks out the
        door.

        PAULA
        Are you hungry, Frankie? I'll make
        you a sandwich.
        Paula walks into the )Efien, opens the refrigerator and
        starts making a sandw
        PAWcont ' d)
        Jack wanted to t ob ness with
        your father. He sa' we should
        sue the government, a 's not
        legal what they're do us. Why
        aren't you saying anyth
        Frank stares at his mother, who continues to make his
        sandwich.

        PAULA (CONT'D)
        You're not going to tell him, are
        you?
        Paula walks over to her son, her hands shaking as she hands
        him a sandwich.

        FRANK
        No.

        PAULA
        That'sright. There's nothing to
        tell.I'mgoing outfor a few hours,
        visitsomeold friends from the tennis
        club.Andwhen I get home we'll all

        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane . 5




        23.

        30 CONTINUED: (2) 30
        PAULA (cont' d)
        have dinner together, right? But your
        won't say anything, because it's
        just stupid, isn't it?
        Paula lights a cigarette, walks toward the door.

        PAULA (CONT'D)
        Do you need some money, Frankie, a
        few dollars to buy some record albums?
        Here, take five dollars.
        Paula holds out five dollars, and Frank walks toward her,
        reaches up and takes the cigarette out of her mouth.
        FRANK
        You promised you were going to quit.
        Genres: []

        Summary Frank Jr.'s parents are called into the principal's office where they find out that Frank has been pretending to be a substitute teacher. They defend Frank and refuse to let him be suspended. Frank then encounters cheerleaders who ask him to buy them beer for the prom. At home, Frank discovers his mother with another man and confronts her about her smoking.
        Strengths "The scene has well-developed characters and conflicts that drive the plot forward."
        Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more clarity on the overall story and its themes."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 6

        The scene has a good development of conflict and emotional impact.


        Story Content

        Concept: 5

        The concept of Frank pretending to be a substitute teacher and getting caught is interesting and sets up further conflict.

        Plot: 6

        The plot moves forward with Frank's parents defending him and refusing to let him be suspended. There is also the introduction of the cheerleaders asking Frank to buy beer.

        Originality: 5

        The level of originality in this scene is average. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the dialogue and character actions feel authentic.


        Character Development

        Characters: 7

        The characters of Frank, his parents, and the cheerleaders are well-developed and their motivations are clear.

        Character Changes: 5

        Frank confronts his mother about her smoking, showing a small change in his character.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to avoid getting in trouble and maintain their deception as a substitute teacher.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince the school not to suspend or transfer them.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 8

        There is conflict between Frank and his parents, as well as the potential conflict of him getting caught by the school.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is strong because the school authority figures are against the protagonist's actions and there is uncertainty about how the situation will be resolved.

        High Stakes: 6

        The stakes are relatively high for Frank as he faces potential suspension and getting caught by the school.

        Story Forward: 7

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts and establishing relationships.

        Unpredictability: 6

        This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces the idea of the protagonist pretending to be a substitute teacher, which is unexpected.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 7

        The scene has emotional impact through the confrontation between Frank and his mother, as well as the tension between Frank and his parents.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue between Frank's parents, Frank himself, and the cheerleaders is realistic and moves the scene forward.

        Engagement: 8

        This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict and keeps the audience curious about how the protagonist will handle the situation.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by keeping the dialogue and actions fast-paced and maintaining the audience's attention.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper character introductions and clear scene descriptions.

        Structure: 7

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre of a school-based drama. It introduces a problem, presents conflict, and ends with a resolution.


        Critique Overall, this scene needs some improvement.

        1. Formatting: The scene description lacks proper formatting, with inconsistent use of capital letters and missing hyphens. It's important to follow industry standards for formatting to maintain professionalism and readability.

        2. Dialogue: The dialogue feels somewhat unnatural and forced at times. It could benefit from more authentic and realistic language to make the characters sound more believable.

        3. Exposition: Some of the dialogue feels like it's solely used to provide exposition and explain the characters' backstories. This can be improved by finding more organic ways to reveal this information instead of having characters explicitly state it.

        4. Lack of visual description: The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to help immerse the reader in the setting and actions taking place. For example, describing the body language and facial expressions of the characters can add depth and emotion to the scene.

        5. Lack of conflict: The scene lacks strong conflict and tension. It might be more engaging if there was a stronger disagreement between the principal and the parents, or a more intense confrontation between Frank and the school administrator.

        6. Character development: The characters could be developed further to make them more relatable and interesting. Adding more depth to their personalities and motivations will make the audience more invested in their journey.

        Overall, the scene needs some refining in terms of formatting, dialogue, and development of conflict and character relationships to make it more engaging and emotionally resonant.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Correct spelling and grammar errors, such as "schq��" and "Viarincipal".

        2. Add more descriptive language to set the scene, such as describing the size and layout of the office, the expressions and body language of the characters, and any props or visuals that might be present.

        3. Make the dialogue more natural and realistic. Consider how the characters would actually speak and react in this situation.

        4. Clarify the characters' motivations and emotions. What are they thinking and feeling in each moment? This will help to make the scene more engaging for the audience.

        5. Consider adding more action or visual elements to the scene to make it more dynamic on screen. This could include characters moving around the space, using props, or showing their emotions through physical gestures.

        6. Develop the conflict between the characters further. Think about what each character wants in this scene and how they are trying to achieve it. This will add tension and drama to the scene.

        7. Consider the overall pacing and timing of the scene. Does it feel too fast or too slow? Are there opportunities to add pauses or moments of silence for dramatic effect?



        Scene 9 -  Frank's Revelation
        31 EXT. - ABAGNALE STATIONERS. - NEW ROCHELLE. - DAY 31

        A large stationery store sits right in the middle of the
        upscale neighborhood of New Rochelle.

        32 INT. - STATIONERY STO A DAY 32

        Frank is working behindvt" nter of his father's store,
        gently placing a SILVER cross a velvet display pad. A
        WOMAN stares down at the p 0

        FRANK
        This is a 925 sterlihk� �er
        Waldmann ballpoint pen V a two-
        color twist action top. Just turn it

        0.
        like this -- the ink changes from
        black to blue. Nine dollars.

        WOMAN
        They have them in the city for six.
        As the woman walks out of the store, Frank Sr. comes running
        out of his office, which doubles as the stockroom. He holds
        a letter in his hand.

        FRANK SR.
        It's over. I did it, Frank. The sons
        of bitches have called off the dogs --
        read it and weep. I beat the United
        States government. Take a look at
        that.
        Frank Sr. hands Frank a letter.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        24.

        32 CONTINUED: 32
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        See what it says -- the I.R.S is
        backing off. They're gonna take their
        money and run -- no charges filed,
        no further investigations into this
        matter. They thought they could get
        me, and I sent Uncle Sam running for
        the hills.

        FRANK
        Does this mean we can move home?

        FRANK SR.
        We're gonna move back here, Frank,
        get a new house, a new car --

        FRANK
        A red Cadillac with white interior.

        FRANK SR.
        It's gonna take a little time, but
        we're gonna get it all back --every
        fur coat, eve goddamn piece of
        silver! Com o help me lock up.
        We're going tg4 brace!
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Frank's father reveals that he has beaten the United States government and they no longer have charges against him. Frank expresses his desire to move home and start over. They discuss their plans to reclaim their lost possessions and build a new life.
        Strengths "The strengths of this scene include the compelling dialogue, the emotional impact, and the plot development."
        Weaknesses "One weakness of this scene is that it primarily focuses on exposition and setting up future events, rather than providing immediate conflict or action."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene is well-executed and provides important plot development and character moments. The dialogue is engaging and the emotions conveyed are compelling.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of Frank and his father overcoming the government is interesting and adds an exciting twist to the story.

        Plot: 8

        The plot moves forward with the revelation that Frank and his father are no longer in trouble and can start over. It sets up new goals and challenges for the characters.

        Originality: 7

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of celebrating a victory against the government is familiar, the unique aspect is the specific details of the store and the characters' desires for material possessions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters are well-developed and their emotions and desires are clearly conveyed. Frank and his father's relationship is portrayed effectively.

        Character Changes: 6

        Frank experiences a change in his outlook on the future. He goes from feeling hopeless to hopeful and excited about the possibilities ahead.

        Internal Goal: 9

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find out if they can move back home. This reflects their deeper desire for stability, security, and a sense of belonging.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal is to celebrate the victory over the United States government and plan for the future. This reflects the immediate circumstance of achieving a major win and the challenge of rebuilding their lives.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 4

        While there is conflict in the past with the government, the scene focuses more on resolution and hope for the future. There is a sense of tension in whether they can successfully rebuild their lives.

        Opposition: 5

        The opposition in this scene is relatively weak as there are no significant obstacles or conflicts preventing the protagonist from achieving their goals. The main challenge is the time it will take to rebuild their lives and regain what they have lost.

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as it focuses more on resolution and hope for the future rather than immediate danger or risk.

        Story Forward: 9

        The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict with the government and setting new goals for the characters. It opens up new possibilities for the plot.

        Unpredictability: 4

        This scene is somewhat predictable because the outcome of the protagonist's victory is expected, and their desire to move back home is a natural consequence. However, the specific details of their plans and the dialogue exchanges contribute to a moderate level of unpredictability.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 7

        The scene elicits excitement and hope in the audience, as well as a sense of relief for the characters. It sets up a positive turning point in the story.

        Dialogue: 8

        The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' thoughts and feelings. It also conveys their excitement and hope for the future.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it combines moments of triumph and celebration with the characters' aspirations for a better future. The dialogue is dynamic and reveals the characters' emotions and desires. The reader is drawn into the scene's conflict and invested in the characters' journey.

        Pacing: 7

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm that balances dialogue and character actions. The scenes flow smoothly and keep the reader engaged without feeling rushed or dragged.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear headings and descriptions. The dialogue is properly formatted and attributed to the respective characters. The scene is well-paced and easy to read.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by starting with an establishing shot, followed by an interior shot, and progressing through dialogue and character actions. The scene transitions smoothly and is coherent in terms of storytelling.


        Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. However, here are a few suggestions for improvement:

        1. Scene Description: The scene description could be more concise and focused. Instead of providing excessive details about the store and its location, try to capture the essential elements that are relevant to the story.

        2. Dialogue Tags: The scene could benefit from more varied and specific dialogue tags to enhance characterization and make it clear who is speaking. Avoid using "FRANK SR." and "FRANK" repeatedly. Use more descriptive tags that reveal their personalities and emotions.

        3. Character Actions and Reactions: It would be helpful to include more visual cues to emphasize the characters' actions, reactions, and body language. This will make the scene more engaging and provide opportunities for the actors and director to bring the scene to life visually.

        4. Setting the Scene: Consider starting the scene with Frank Sr. coming out of his office with the letter in his hand. This will create a stronger sense of anticipation and allow the audience to share in Frank Sr.'s excitement and success.

        5. Emotional Arc: Although the emotions of the characters are clear, it would be beneficial to show a clearer emotional arc within the scene. For example, start with Frank Sr.'s nervousness or anxiety and then build up to his excitement and confidence as he shares the news with Frank.

        6. Visual Symbolism: Find opportunities to incorporate visual symbolism. For example, instead of just mentioning the "SILVER cross" and "925 sterlihk� �er," consider how these objects could represent or foreshadow the characters' desires and conflicts.

        7. Show, Don't Tell: Instead of having Frank Sr. explicitly state that they are going to get everything back, consider using actions or visual cues to demonstrate their determination and plans for the future.

        Remember that these suggestions are subjective, and ultimately, the effectiveness of the scene will depend on how well it serves the overall story and its intended audience.
        Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

        1. Provide more visual details: Instead of simply stating that the store is in an upscale neighborhood, describe the appearance of the store itself. Is it grand and elegant or modern and sleek? This will help set the atmosphere and give the reader a better sense of the location.

        2. Show the setting: Rather than just focusing on Frank placing a silver cross on a display pad, include more details about the stationery store. Show customers browsing through the aisles, employees interacting with customers, or other interesting items on display. This will make the scene feel more dynamic and visually engaging.

        3. Develop the dialogue: Expand on the conversation between Frank and the woman. You can add more back-and-forth dialogue to build tension or showcase Frank's knowledge and salesmanship. This will make their interaction more engaging for the audience.

        4. Add emotion and reactions: After Frank Sr. shares the news about beating the IRS, show Frank's reaction. Is he relieved, excited, or skeptical? By highlighting his emotions, it will make the scene more compelling and allow the audience to connect with the characters.

        5. Utilize visual cues: Instead of explicitly stating that Frank Sr. hands Frank a letter, you can show him holding a letter out to Frank, emphasizing the significance of the moment. Small details like this can make the scene feel more immersive.

        6. Consider pacing: The short and abrupt dialogue exchanges in this scene make it feel rushed. Allow the conversation to breathe by including pauses or moments of reflection. This will add depth to the characters and make the scene more realistic.

        Overall, aim to make the scene more visually interesting, emotionally engaging, and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.



        Scene 10 -  Bar Confrontation and Court Hearing
        33 INT. - VILLAGE INN BAR. ='rEASTCHESTER. - DAY 33
        Frank follows his father int ILLAGE INN BAR, a
        neighborhood dive that is ful 'lway workers coming off
        the night shift. Frank and his are greeted with cold
        stares from a handful of REGULARS are drinking and
        watching a mounted black and white TV.

        NEWSCASTER (V.0. ON TV)
        The Warren Commission has concluded
        their investigation into the
        assassination of President Kennedy,
        and has found that Lee Harvey Oswald
        acted alone, with no evidence of
        conspiracy, domestic or foreign.

        FRANK SR.
        (to the bartender)
        Bring us a couple of beers and two
        shots of Canadian.

        BARTENDER
        I need to see the kid's I.D..

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5
        25.

        33 CONTINUED: 33

        FRANK SR.
        This kid is the head salesman in my
        company. He's twenty-two and he's
        making five bills a week, so just
        bring the drinks and mind your
        business.
        Frank and his father sit at a small table in the middle of
        the bar. Frank looks uncomfortable as his father lights a
        cigar.

        FRANK
        Maybe I should wait in the car.

        FRANK SR.
        Are you afraid of these men? Look at
        the way, they sit, the way they dress,
        the way they drink. What are they,
        railway men? Cargo loaders? Those
        men haven't earned the right to judge
        us. I beat Uncle Sam, what have they
        ever done?
        The WAITRESS brings o the drinks, and Frank Sr. quickly
        downs both shots. He ak DIME out of his pocket and sets
        it on the table.
        FRANSR. %cont d)
        Frank, I wa nt you that dime
        and go put it in th u x. Pick
        something loud. We're ating.
        Frank glances to the bar, where the MEN are quietly watching
        the-TV. The JUKEBOX is directly under the television.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        You know who I like? Lesley Gore.

        FRANK
        Dad... they're watching TV.

        FRANK SR.
        Yes. But in a moment they'll be
        listening to Lesley Gore. We're gonna
        teach the drunks to mind their
        manners.
        FRANK
        I think they know I'm not eighteen.

        FRANK SR.
        People only know what you tell them.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        26.

        33 CONTINUED: (2) 33
        Frank Sr. picks up the dime and holds it up to. his son.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Take the dime, son. Just take the
        dime and walk over there like you
        just closed a big deal. Walk over
        there like you got a roll of twenties
        right next to your pecker.
        Frank gets out of his chair and nervously faces his Father.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        And don't forget to smile while you're
        shoving it down their throats.
        Frank holds his father's dime as he slowly walks toward the
        JUKEBOX. THE MEN AT THE BAR see him coming, slowly turn on
        their stools.

        MAN #1
        Don't play that thing, kid.
        Frank nervously stands alt " ukebox. Some of the men have
        gotten off their stools drinks in hand.

        MAN #2
        We asked you not to' , kid.
        The President is abou Gd ke a
        speech.
        Frank looks toward his father, who sits back in his chair,
        smoking and smiling. Frank's hand shakes as he reaches out,
        drops the dime into the jukebox.

        MAN #1
        We're not gonna tell you again.
        Step away from the jukebox.
        FRANK SR.
        Why you bothering the kid? You got a
        problem, come bother me.
        Frank watches as TWO DRUNKS walk toward his father. They
        both hold PITCHERS OF BEER in their hands.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Hit the button, Frank. You hit that
        goddamn button!

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        27.

        33 CONTINUED: (3) 33
        As Frank reaches out and hits the button, the men start to
        pour their beers over his father's head. FranWSr. does
        nothing to stop them, the smile never leaving his face as he
        screams at his son.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        That's right, Frank! Who are they!
        Who are they!
        THE JUKEBOX springs to life, and WE HEAR LESLEY GORE singing
        "IT'S MY PARTY." The men continue to pour their beers over
        Frank Sr.'s head, the entire bar screaming with laughter.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Bus drivers! Security guards! Fry
        cooks! Now they understand! They
        can't win, Frank, they can't beat
        me!

        34 INT. - EASTCHESTER COURTHOUSE. - DAY 34

        A LARGE COURTROOM -- ONLY FIVE PEOPLE INSIDE. On one side
        of
        the room WE SEE FRANK S wearing a white suit that doesn't
        quite fit -- a notice stain on the shirt. His weathered
        black briefcase is on"t k in front of him.
        Paula is on the other si the courtroom, wearing a blue
        church dress and holding a li% cigarette in her hand.
        Paula and Frank Sr. sit with lawyers facing JUDGE
        LARKIN, who is examining the E for the first time.
        JUDGE LARKI
        Would the boy step forward and state
        his name for the record.
        Frank is seated in the middle of the courtroom -- a backpack
        on the floor at his feet. Frank slowly walks toward the
        bench.

        FRANK
        Frank William Abagnale Jr.

        JUDGE LARKIN
        Frank, the court apologizes for
        pulling you out of school this
        morning. Are you aware of the fact
        that your parents have filed for
        divorce?
        Frank glances at his mother, then slowly shakes his head
        "no."

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        28.

        34 CONTINUED: 34
        JUDGE LARKIN (cont'd)
        Again, I apologize. This is a custody
        hearing to determine who you are
        going to live with after the divorce.
        Your mother and father are leaving
        this decision up to you. For the
        record, I would like to praise both
        parents for showing such confidence
        in their son, who they believe will
        make the best decision for himself
        and his family.
        Frank stares straight ahead, his breathing forced as he
        stares
        at Judge Larkin.
        JUDGE LARKIN (cont'd)
        Okay, Frank, I'm going to ask you a
        difficult question. Who's it going
        to be, your mother or your father?
        Frank looks to his father, then turns and stares at his
        mother
        for a long BEAT.
        Can I have
        it?

        35 EXT. - EASTCHESTER. - DAY \Z:�/O 35

        town, of sheer desperation
        on s hif ace as h e runs pas t dil a� d shops and
        abandoned
        buildings -- racing a train that lowing pulling into the
        Eastchester station. fi

        36 INT. - EASTCHESTER TRAIN STATION. - DAY. 36

        Frank runs up to the ticket window at the TRAIN STATION.

        FRANK
        One ticket to Grand Central, please.

        TICKET CLERK
        Three dollars and fifty cents.

        FRANK
        Can I write you a check?

        37 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON. - MARSEILLE. - NIGHT 37

        THE CELL DOOR IS PULLED OPEN, and Frank slowly walks out and
        faces Joe Shaye, who is holding a pair of HANDCUFFS and
        standing with FBI AGENTS EARL AMDURSKY and TOM FOX- All
        three

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        29.

        37 CONTINUED: 37
        AGENTS get a glimpse inside the cell -- and they all
        quickly
        turn away.
        JOE SHAYE
        Frank, this is Agent Amdursky and
        Agent Fox. They'll be helping with
        the extradition.
        Joe puts the handcuffs on Frank, who can barely stay on his
        feet as he slowly turns to Warden Garren.

        FRANK
        Your wife is sleeping with one of
        the guards. Just thought you should
        know.

        38 INT. - HOTEL ROOM. - FRANCE. - NIGHT 38

        Joe Shaye, Amdursky and Fox are all watching Frank as he
        sits naked in a bathtub, his handcuffs still on as he tries
        to shave his beard.

        39 INT. - HOTEL ROOM. - FF5?% - NIGHT 39

        Frank has one hand 4N Ll to a chair, and both legs
        SHACKLED to the corner ed. He's eating a sandwich
        and drinking a glass of s Joe Shaye sits across from
        him.

        JOE SHA
        Just sit back and get table.
        We leave for the airpor nine
        hours.

        FRANK
        I want to call my father.

        JOE SHAYE
        You can call him when we get to New
        York? I apologize for the room --
        it's the only place the agency could
        afford.

        FRANK
        Don't worry, Joe. I've stayed in
        worse.

        40 EXT. - TIMES SQUARE HOTEL. - NIGHT 40

        Frank wears blue pajamas as he's THROWN OUT OF A DILAPIDATED
        TIMES SQUARE HOTEL ROOM BY THE NIGHT MANAGER, who is
        dragging
        him toward the door.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -
        30.

        40 CONTINUED: 40

        SUPER: OCTOBER. 1964

        MANAGER
        I don't want to hear your story.
        That's two checks that bounced, do
        you know how much trouble I'm in?

        FRANK
        The bank made a mistake, Andy, I'll
        write you a check right now! Please,
        it's midnight, I have no place to
        go.
        The Manager pushes Frank into the cage elevator.

        MANAGER
        You're a goddamn kid. You should be
        in school.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Frank and his father go to a bar where they are confronted by other patrons. Frank's father provokes a confrontation and they leave. In court, Frank is forced to choose which parent to live with after their divorce.
        Strengths "Intense conflict, emotional impact, strong character development"
        Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more impactful"

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 7

        The scene effectively depicts the tense confrontation in the bar and the emotional weight of the custody hearing.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of a father standing up for his son and the emotional impact of a custody hearing are well-executed.

        Plot: 8

        The sequence of events in the scene, from the bar confrontation to the custody hearing, moves the plot forward and introduces important conflict and character development.

        Originality: 7

        The scene presents a fresh approach to a familiar situation, with the protagonist using music to assert his identity and challenge the judgment of others. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        Frank's father's defiance and support in the bar show his strong character. Frank's decision in the custody hearing also reveals his growth and maturity.

        Character Changes: 8

        Frank's decision in the custody hearing shows his growth and willingness to make difficult choices.

        Internal Goal: 9

        The protagonist's internal goal is to please his father and gain his approval. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance from his father.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal is to stand up to the judgment of the bar regulars and assert his own identity and worth. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing the judgment and disapproval of others.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        The conflict between Frank's father and the other bar patrons is intense, and the custody hearing adds further emotional conflict.

        Opposition: 9

        The opposition in the scene is strong, with the bar regulars judging and challenging the protagonist. The audience is left unsure of how the confrontation will go.

        High Stakes: 7

        The outcome of the custody hearing has significant consequences for Frank's future.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing important conflicts and revealing character motivations.

        Unpredictability: 6

        This scene has some unpredictability as the protagonist's actions and the bar regulars' reactions are not entirely predictable. However, the overall outcome is somewhat expected.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's belief that he should not let others define him or judge his worth based on his age. This challenges the societal belief that age determines a person's abilities or worth.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 8

        The intense emotions and stakes in both the bar confrontation and the custody hearing evoke strong emotional reactions from the audience.

        Dialogue: 7

        The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions of the scene. Frank's father's lines are particularly memorable.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it captures the tension and emotion of the protagonist's struggle for acceptance and validation. The conflicts and dynamics between the characters draw the audience into the scene.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing and rhythm of the scene effectively build tension and capture the emotional intensity of the protagonist's struggle. The pacing contributes to the scene's effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and anticipation.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

        Structure: 9

        The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the conflict and resolution.


        Critique Overall, this scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Frank and his father and the hostile environment of the Village Inn Bar. The dialogue and actions of the characters reveal their personalities and motivations.

        Here are a few areas that could be further improved:

        1. Formatting and description: Some of the scene descriptions are vague and could benefit from clearer details. For example, instead of saying the bar is "a neighborhood dive," it would be more helpful to describe the atmosphere or specific details about the bar's appearance.

        2. Dialogue: While the dialogue effectively reveals the tension between Frank and his father, some of the lines could be more concise and impactful. Certain lines could be trimmed or reworded to make the dialogue flow more naturally.

        3. Characterization: The scene could provide more insight into the characters of the other bar patrons, aside from their cold stares. Adding some additional actions or reactions from the Regulars in response to Frank and his father's arrival could add depth to the scene.

        Overall, the scene effectively establishes the dynamics and conflicts between the characters, but with some improvements in formatting, dialogue, and characterization, it could become even stronger.
        Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and dynamic between Frank and his father. However, there are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Visual Description: Provide more visual descriptions of the bar and the characters. Add specific details about the bar, like its dimly lit atmosphere, the smell of alcohol, and the worn-out furniture. Describe Frank and his father's appearances and body language to give the reader a better sense of who they are.

        2. Dialogue Tags: Use more descriptive dialogue tags to enhance the characterization and emotion. Instead of just "FRANK" or "FRANK SR.," add descriptors that convey their tone, mood, or intention. For example, "FRANK SR. (grinning)" or "FRANK (nervous)."

        3. Show, Don't Tell: Rather than directly stating that Frank is uncomfortable or his father is proud, show their emotions through their actions, facial expressions, and body language. Use gestures, movements, and visual cues to convey their emotions more subtly.

        4. Pace the Action: Break up the action and dialogue with short paragraphs or sentence fragments that emphasize the tension and build suspense. This will create a sense of urgency and keep the reader engaged.

        5. Visual and Aural Cues: Utilize more visual and aural cues in the scene to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describe the TV news segment playing on the screen, the sound of the jukebox playing the music, or the sounds of the men laughing in the bar.

        By incorporating these suggestions, you can enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene, making it more engaging and immersive for the reader.



        Scene 11 -  Frank's Financial Struggles
        41 INT. - NEW YORK HOTEL ROOM. - NIGHT 41

        A decrepit Times Square hotel room. Frank sits up in bed
        staring down at his NEW RSEY DRIVER'S LICENSE -- which is
        a simple I.D. CARD wi picture. Frank uses a pen to change
        the date of birth fro lf o 1938.
        42 INT. - NEW YORK SAVINGS BTKf - DAY 42

        O
        Frank holds a BLACK BRIEFCAS st ands in front of a
        FEMALE BANK TELLER holding a HATTAN CHECK.

        FRANK
        My boss sent me to Brooklyn, then
        Queens, now he wants me in Long Island
        and I'm short train fare. It's my
        first week -- I don't think I'm cut
        out to be a salesman.

        ASHLEY
        I'm sorry, but we're not allowed to
        cash checks from other banks. How
        would we know if they were any good?

        FRANK
        What's your name?

        ASHLEY
        Ashley.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        31.

        42 CONTINUED: 42

        FRANK
        You do me this favor, Ashley, and
        I'll give you this sterling silver
        Waldmann pen. It's German. What do
        you say?
        Frank takes the PEN out of his pocket.

        ASHLEY
        I feel so bad. I'm really not supposed
        to take the check. How about if I
        just loan you a few dollars myself?
        Ashley takes some money out of her own pocket.

        FRANK
        That's okay, Ashley. I'll find my
        way to Chase Manhattan.

        43 EXT. - BANK. - DAY 43

        As Frank walks out of the bank, he watches A PILOT AND TWO
        FLIGHT ATTENDANTS step of a cab right in front of him.
        They are all laughing A s hey head for the revolving doors
        of the MAYFAIR HOTEL.
        Frank watches as the PIL IPS THE DOORMAN A FIVE DOLLAR

        BILL.
        Genres: []

        Summary Frank tries to cash a check at a bank but is denied. He tries to persuade the teller, Ashley, to cash it for him but she offers to lend him some money instead. Frank declines and leaves the bank. Outside, he sees a pilot and flight attendants, and watches as the pilot tips the doorman at a hotel.
        Strengths "The scene effectively portrays Frank's financial struggles and his resourcefulness, creating empathy for the character."
        Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene effectively showcases Frank's financial struggles and his resourcefulness in trying to find a solution.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of Frank facing obstacles in his attempt to cash a check and his interaction with the bank teller is engaging.

        Plot: 8

        The plot advances as Frank tries to find a solution to his financial problem and encounters a helpful bank teller.

        Originality: 4

        The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. There are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue can be questioned, as the protagonist's manipulation tactics might not feel entirely genuine.


        Character Development

        Characters: 7

        Frank is shown to be resourceful in his attempts to overcome his financial struggles, while Ashley is kind and willing to help.

        Character Changes: 6

        Frank realizes he needs to find another way to get the money he needs.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to get money for train fare to continue his sales job. This reflects his need to prove himself and his fear of not being cut out for the job.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to cash a check at the bank. This reflects the immediate circumstance of needing money for train fare and the challenge of convincing the bank teller to cash the check.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 7

        There is conflict in Frank's inability to cash a check and the tension in his interaction with Ashley.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The bank teller provides a challenge to the protagonist's goal of cashing the check, and the audience is unsure of how the interaction will play out.

        High Stakes: 6

        The high stakes are Frank's financial well-being and his ability to overcome his current struggles.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Frank's resourcefulness and his persistence in finding a solution to his financial struggles.

        Unpredictability: 6

        This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience is unsure if the protagonist will be able to convince the bank teller to cash the check. The outcome is not immediately clear.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 6

        The scene evokes empathy for Frank's financial struggles and relief when Ashley offers to help.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue is functional, with Frank trying to persuade Ashley and her offering to lend him money instead.

        Engagement: 7

        This scene is engaging because it presents the protagonist's struggle to obtain money in a desperate situation. The audience is curious to see if they succeed in cashing the check and getting their train fare.

        Pacing: 7

        The pacing of the scene is effective as it keeps the audience engaged in the protagonist's interactions and the unfolding obstacle. It maintains a steady rhythm in conveying the tension and desperation of the situation.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the location, introduces the characters, and progresses with dialogue and action.


        Critique Overall, this scene contains some strong elements that help move the story forward. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

        First, the description of the hotel room could be given more detail to help set the mood and tone of the scene. Instead of simply describing it as "decrepit", you could provide specific visual details that evoke a sense of decay and desperation.

        Next, the dialogue between Frank and Ashley feels a bit forced and lacks subtlety. The conversation about cashing the check could be made more realistic by incorporating more natural language and back-and-forth exchanges. Additionally, the sudden offer for Frank to give Ashley a pen in exchange for cashing the check feels contrived and lacks believability.

        Furthermore, the transition between scenes 42 and 43 could use some improvement. The abrupt shift from the bank to Frank watching the pilot and flight attendants feels disjointed and could benefit from smoother connective tissue.

        Lastly, the physical actions and gestures in the scene could be described in more detail to enhance the visual storytelling. For example, instead of simply stating that Frank watches the pilot tip the doorman, you could describe Frank's facial expression or body language to convey his reaction to the situation.

        Overall, this scene has potential but could be strengthened with more vivid descriptions, natural dialogue, and seamless transitions.
        Suggestions - Consider adding more descriptive language to scene 41 to give readers a better idea of the atmosphere and condition of the decrepit hotel room.
        - Clarify Frank's emotional state or reaction when he changes his date of birth on his driver's license. It would help to understand why he is doing this.
        - Provide more context or backstory for Frank's job as a salesman and why he is struggling in his first week.
        - Add more depth to the conversation between Frank and Ashley in scene 42. Explore their motivations and feelings more fully.
        - Consider adding more visual details to scene 43 to enhance the reader's experience, such as describing the appearance of the pilot and flight attendants or the interaction between Frank and the doorman at the Mayfair Hotel.



        Scene 12 -  Frank's Transformation
        44 INT. - MAYFAIR HOTEL. - MORNING, N\ v- 44
        Frank follows the Pilot into the 'air, seesthe hotel
        MANAGER rushing over to greet him. The entirelobby seems to
        be focussed on the Pilot, with BELLMEN runningover to carry
        0;
        his bags -- the FLIGHT ATTENDANTS following his every move.
        Frank turns to an aging BELLMAN.

        FRANK
        Excuse me, do you know that pilot?

        BELLMAN
        He's just one of those airline jerks.
        Just because you fly at thirty
        thousand feet, doesn't make you God.
        Frank watches as the Pilot walks into the elevator, the
        Flight
        Attendants by his side.

        FRANK (V.0.)
        Dear Dad...I've decided to become an
        airline pilot. I've applied at all

        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        32.

        44 CONTINUED: 44
        FRANK (V.O.) (cont'd)
        the big airlines, and have several
        promising interviews lined up.

        45 EXT. - PAY PHONE. - NEW YORK. - DAY 45

        A packed street corner in the center of New York. Frank is
        eating a hot dog as he talks on a PAY PHONE.

        PAN AM OPERATOR (V.O.)
        Pan Am, how may I help you?

        FRANK
        I'd like to speak to someone about a
        uniform.
        PAN AM OPERATOR
        Hold for purchasing.
        Frank turns and looks directly behind him, where WE SEE the
        FIFTY STORIES OF THE PAN AN BUILDING standing tall in the
        middle of the city.

        HASING SUPERVISOR (V.O.)
        Purchasing.

        F
        Yes. My name is illiams, and
        I'm a co-ilot basp of San
        Francisco. I flew a into New
        York last night, and ving for
        Paris in three hours.

        PURCHASING SUPERVISOR (V.O.)
        How can we help you?

        FRANK
        I sent my uniform out to be cleaned
        through the hotel...

        PURCHASING SUPERVISOR (V.O.)
        Let me guess. They lost the uniform.
        Happens all the time.

        46 EXT. - NEW YORK STREET. - DAY 46

        As the telephone conversation continues, WE SEE Frank
        running
        down a busy street, a big smile on his face as he cuts in
        and out of an endless stream of people.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        33.

        46 CONTINUED: 46

        PURCHASING SUPERVISOR (V.0.)
        Go down to the Well-Built Uniform
        Company at Ninth and Broadway --
        they're our uniform supplier. I'll
        tell Mister Ross you're coming.
        Frank sprints through the doors of the WELL-BUILT UNIFORM

        COMPANY.

        47 INT. - WELL-BUILT UNIFORM COMPANY. - DAY 47

        Frank poses in front of a full length mirror wearing a brand
        new PAN AM UNIFORM. MISTER ROSS kneels in front of him,
        cuffing his pants. In the B.G., WE SEE rows and rows of
        uniforms waiting to be shipped.

        ROSS
        What's your rank?

        FRANK
        I'm a co-pilot.

        Z
        Right seat.
        look too yo ng �e a pilot.
        Ross places a single GOLD BAR'�bp `# lapel of Frank's
        jacket.

        ROSS
        How does that feel?

        0

        FRANK
        It feels great.

        ROSS
        It's gonna be $164 dollars.

        FRANK
        No problem. I'll write you a check.

        48 EXT. - NEW YORK. - DAY 48

        Frank walks down Broadway in his new uniform, enjoying the
        obvious glances he is getting from men and women who pass
        by. He sees a little boy pointing at him, and he gives the
        boy a playful salute. Frank can't help but smile as he drops
        his briefcase in the nearest trash can, then turns and walks
        into a bank.
        Debbie Zane -
        34.

        49 INT. - BANK OF NEW YORK. - DAY 49

        A FEMALE BANK TELLER is sneaking glances at Frank as she
        counts out his money on the counter.

        BANK TELLER
        That's eighty, ninety, one hundred
        dollars. You have yourself a great
        time in Paris.

        50 INT. - MAYFAIR HOTEL LOBBY. - NEW YORK CITY. - DAY 50

        A busy, upscale business hotel in the heart of the city.
        Frank stands in uniform at the front desk.

        FRANK
        I'm flying out to Paris in the C.
        morning. Okay if I write you a check
        for the room?

        FRONT DESK CLERK
        No problem, Sir.
        I was also Sao if you could
        cash a person for me. I've
        got a date wit C� ute little hostess
        this evening.

        FRONT DB'U�,C K
        For airline personnel O h checks
        up to three hundred dol

        I

        FRANK
        I won't need that much. Let's make
        it two-fifty.

        51 INT. - MAYFAIR HOTEL ROOM. - NEW YORK. - NIGHT 51

        An episode of THE RIFLEMAN is on the black and white TV in
        the hotel room. A ROOM SERVICE CART sits next to the bed,
        piled high with half-eaten plates of french fries,
        hamburgers,
        and slices of apple pie.
        As Frank sleeps on the king sized bed, the PILOT'S UNIFORM
        lies next to him on top of the sheets.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Frank decides to become an airline pilot and starts taking steps towards achieving his goal. He tries to get a new uniform, cash a check, and secure a place to stay. Despite some setbacks, Frank remains determined and hopeful.
        Strengths "The scene effectively showcases Frank's determination and transformation, creating anticipation for his future as an airline pilot. The obstacles and challenges he faces add tension and conflict to the scene, keeping the audience engaged."
        Weaknesses "The dialogue in the scene is mostly functional and not particularly memorable. Some viewers may find the conflicts and stakes to be relatively low compared to other scenes."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene effectively portrays Frank's determination and anticipation for his new career path. The obstacles he faces, such as losing his uniform and the bank teller's initial reluctance, add tension and conflict to the scene. The overall tone of the scene is both dramatic and humorous, keeping the audience engaged.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of Frank deciding to become an airline pilot and taking proactive steps towards achieving his goal is compelling. The scene effectively showcases his transformation and sets up future conflict and challenges he may face in his journey.

        Plot: 8

        The plot of the scene focuses on Frank's determination to become an airline pilot and his efforts to obtain a new uniform, cash a check, and secure a place to stay. The obstacles he encounters create tension and propel the story forward. The scene ends with Frank feeling a sense of accomplishment and anticipation for his new career path.

        Originality: 5

        This scene does not contain particularly unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is realistic and believable.


        Character Development

        Characters: 7

        Frank is portrayed as a determined and hopeful character who is willing to take risks to achieve his dream. The other characters, such as the bellman, uniform supplier, and bank teller, provide obstacles and support that contribute to Frank's character arc.

        Character Changes: 7

        Frank undergoes a significant character change in this scene as he makes the decision to become an airline pilot and takes proactive steps towards achieving his goal. His determination and ambition drive his actions and set him on a different path.

        Internal Goal: 9

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to become an airline pilot. This reflects his deeper desire for a career that gives him a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to acquire a new uniform for his pilot interview. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he faces in pursuing his dream of becoming an airline pilot.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 6

        The conflict in the scene arises from the obstacles Frank faces in obtaining a new uniform and cashing a check. While the conflicts are not overly intense or high-stakes, they provide enough tension to keep the scene engaging.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is moderately strong, as the protagonist encounters challenges in acquiring his uniform and faces skepticism from the bellman. The audience is unsure of how these obstacles will be resolved.

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes in the scene are not extremely high, but they do carry importance for Frank's future. The obstacles he faces, such as losing his uniform and needing to cash a check, impact his ability to pursue his dream of becoming an airline pilot.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by showing Frank's progression towards becoming an airline pilot and setting up future conflicts and challenges. It establishes Frank's new career path and his aspirations, creating anticipation for what will happen next.

        Unpredictability: 6

        This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability, as the audience is uncertain about whether the protagonist will successfully acquire his uniform and proceed with his pilot interviews.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 6

        The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including hope, anticipation, and a sense of accomplishment. While the emotions may not be extremely strong or impactful, they contribute to the overall mood of the scene.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue in the scene is mostly functional, providing necessary information and moving the plot forward. There are some humorous exchanges, such as the interaction between Frank and the bellman, but overall, the dialogue is not particularly memorable.

        Engagement: 7

        This scene is engaging because it presents a relatable goal for the protagonist and showcases his determination to achieve it. The fast-paced nature of the scene keeps the audience interested in the protagonist's journey.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing and rhythm of the scene effectively convey the protagonist's sense of urgency and determination in pursuing his goal. The scene moves quickly from one location to another, keeping the audience engaged.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character dialogue, and descriptions of actions.

        Structure: 7

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, transitioning between different locations and portraying the protagonist's actions and interactions.


        Critique The scene starts off with a strong visual setting in the Mayfair Hotel lobby. The description of the hotel manager rushing over to greet the Pilot, with the entire lobby focused on him, creates a sense of importance and sets up the contrast between the Pilot and Frank.

        The dialogue between Frank and the Bellman is effective in showing Frank's curiosity about the Pilot and the Bellman's dismissive attitude towards airline pilots. This exchange gives us insight into Frank's perspective.

        The use of voiceover as Frank writes a letter to his dad is a nice way to incorporate his thoughts and backstory. It adds depth to his character and gives the audience insight into his decision to become an airline pilot.

        The transition to the pay phone in New York is smooth and keeps the momentum of the scene. It also introduces the conversation between Frank and the Pan Am operator, which reveals his plans to become a pilot and his immediate need for a uniform.

        The dialogue between Frank and the purchasing supervisor is informative and helps move the plot forward. The detail about the hotel losing the uniform and the supervisor's comment about it happening all the time adds a touch of realism and creates a sense of urgency for Frank to find a solution.

        The action of Frank running down the busy New York street adds energy to the scene and shows his determination. It also contrasts with the calmness and luxury of the hotel setting.

        The scene at the Well-Built Uniform Company is well described, particularly the interaction between Frank and Mr. Ross. The addition of the gold bar on Frank's lapel and his positive reaction to it helps reinforce his excitement about becoming a pilot.

        The scene continues with Frank walking down Broadway in his new uniform and enjoying the attention it brings. This moment showcases his pride and enthusiasm for his new career.

        Overall, the scene effectively introduces the character of Frank, his desire to become an airline pilot, and his determination to overcome obstacles. The dialogue and action help move the plot forward and create a sense of anticipation for what's to come.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

        1. Add more description to set the scene. Provide more details about the Mayfair Hotel lobby, such as the decor, the atmosphere, and the reactions of other people in the lobby.

        2. Show Frank's emotions and reactions more explicitly. Describe his facial expressions, body language, and his thoughts to give the audience a better sense of his feelings in this moment.

        3. Improve the dialogue between Frank and the Bellman. Make their conversation more interesting and engaging, with more back-and-forth exchanges that reveal their personalities.

        4. Consider adding a flashback or visual representation of Frank's memory of his father when he mentions writing a letter to his dad. This can add depth to his character and shed light on his motivations for wanting to become a pilot.

        5. Make the conversation between Frank and the Pan Am operator more dynamic. Add some tension or conflict to the conversation to make it more engaging.

        6. When Frank runs down the busy street, describe the chaos and hustle of the city to create a sense of urgency and excitement.

        7. Provide more description of the Well-Built Uniform Company to make it feel more unique and visually interesting.

        8. Show some of the difficulties or challenges Frank faces when trying on the uniform or interacting with Mister Ross. This can add some conflict and make the scene more engaging.

        9. Add more description to the scene where Frank walks down Broadway in his new uniform. Show the reactions of people around him, both positive and negative, to emphasize the significance of this moment for Frank.

        10. Add more description to the scene at the bank to make it feel more vibrant and lively. Show other customers and employees in the bank to create a sense of atmosphere.

        11. Add more description to the Mayfair Hotel room to make it feel more lived-in and personal to Frank. Describe the TV show playing, the mess on the room service cart, and any other details that can help paint a vivid picture of the scene.

        12. Consider adding a meaningful moment or action that reflects Frank's excitement and anticipation for his upcoming journey to Paris. This can be a small gesture or decision that shows his eagerness and determination.



        Scene 13 -  Frank's Father Fights Back
        52 EXT. - ABAGNALE STATIONERS. - NEW ROCHELLE. - DAY 52

        Frank Sr. gets off the bus in front of his store. He is
        wearing his black suit and holding a briefcase as he starts

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        35.

        52 CONTINUED: 52
        to unlock the front door to the store. TWO POLICE DETECTIVES
        walk up behind him.

        DETECTIVE #1
        Frank Abagnale?
        Frank turns around, stares at the TWO COPS as they show him
        their BADGES.

        FRANK
        What is this? The IRS said no charges
        would filed.

        DETECTIVE #2
        Sir, we'd like to talk to you about
        a checking account at Chase Manhattan
        bank. The account is four thousand
        dollars overdrawn, and checks are
        bouncing every day.

        DETECTIVE #1
        The account is in your son's name,
        and he was re ted as a runaway in

        H MARC

        DETECTI
        Do you know where you
        Abagnale?

        FRANK SR.
        You guys are looking for the wrong
        person.

        DETECTIVE #2
        And how do you know that? Has Frank
        been in contact with you?

        FRANK SR.
        if I tell you where he is, will you
        promise not to tell his mother?
        The two Detectives nod.
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        (lowering his voice)
        Frank made up a fake I.D and enlisted
        in the Marine Corps -- he's over in

        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        36.

        52 CONTINUED: (2) 52
        FRANK SR. (cont'd)
        Vietnam right now. Somebody must
        have stolen his bank book, because
        he's half way around the world
        crawling through the jungle and
        fighting the fucking communists. So
        don't come to my place of business
        and call my boy a criminal, because
        that kid has more guts than either
        of you will ever know.

        DETECTIVE #1
        I'm sorry, Sir. We didn't know.

        FRANK SR.
        It's okay. Nobody knows.
        Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

        Summary Frank's father is confronted by police detectives outside his store. They accuse Frank of overdrawing a checking account and being a runaway. Frank's father defends him, revealing that Frank is actually serving in Vietnam. The detectives apologize and leave.
        Strengths "The scene effectively conveys emotion and tension, showcases strong character relationships, and advances the plot."
        Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more direct characterization of Frank and a clearer indication of the specific charges against him."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 7

        The scene is well-executed and effectively conveys the tension and emotion between Frank's father and the detectives. It also provides important information about Frank's current whereabouts and his father's strong defense of him.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of a father defending his son and sacrificing his own reputation for him is emotionally resonant and creates empathy for both characters.

        Plot: 6

        The plot advances with the revelation of Frank's current location and the detectives' apology. It also sets up the conflict between Frank's father and the government.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a father defending his son is a familiar trope, the specific circumstances and the father's passionate defense provide a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        Frank's father is portrayed as loyal, protective, and willing to go to great lengths for his son. This makes him sympathetic and relatable. Frank is shown indirectly through his father's defense of him, highlighting his determination and bravery.

        Character Changes: 6

        Frank's father undergoes a change in perception of the detectives, from defensive to understanding, as they apologize and show remorse for accusing Frank.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to defend his son and protect his reputation. It reflects his fear of his son being viewed as a criminal and his desire to maintain a positive image of his son.

        External Goal: 9

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prove that his son is not responsible for the overdrawn account at Chase Manhattan bank. It reflects the immediate challenge of clearing their family's name and resolving the financial issue.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 8

        The conflict between Frank's father and the detectives is intense and emotionally charged. It is resolved through the revelation of Frank's current location and the detectives' apology.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the initial assumption of the police detectives and challenges their beliefs. The uncertainty of how the detectives will react adds to the tension and opposition.

        High Stakes: 7

        The stakes are high for Frank's father, who risks his reputation to defend his son. There are also potential legal consequences for Frank if the detectives continue to pursue him.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene provides crucial information about Frank's current situation and sets up future conflicts between Frank's father and the government.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it challenges the initial assumption of the police detectives and introduces new information about the son's whereabouts. The father's passionate defense adds an unexpected twist to the scene.

        Philosophical Conflict: 7

        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the innocence and bravery of his son, and the initial assumption of the police detectives that his son is a criminal. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his son's character and tests his faith in him.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene elicits strong emotions, particularly empathy for Frank's father and admiration for his loyalty and sacrifice.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotion of the scene. Frank's father's defense of his son is especially powerful and memorable.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling conflict, emotional stakes, and a strong character defense. The dialogue and the father's passionate defense of his son create tension and capture the viewer's attention.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene is effective as it balances the dialogue and the action descriptions. The emotional intensity and the clear development of the conflict contribute to its effectiveness.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear setting description, introduces the characters, establishes the conflict, and concludes with a resolution.


        Critique Overall, this scene effectively sets up the conflict and tension surrounding Frank Sr. and the detectives confronting him. The dialogue portrays Frank Sr. as defensive but also protective of his son. Here are a few suggestions for improvement:

        1. Provide more visual description: While the scene does mention the location and Frank Sr.'s appearance, more visual details could help to create a more vivid image for the reader. Consider adding details like the time of day, the weather, or the specific surroundings of Abagnale Stationers.

        2. Develop the detectives' characters: As with any scene, it is important to give the characters depth and distinct personalities. Consider adding more specific actions, mannerisms, or dialogue that reveal the personalities or attitudes of the two detectives. This will make them more memorable and add depth to the conflict.

        3. Ensure natural and realistic dialogue: While the dialogue in this scene effectively conveys the necessary information, it could benefit from a more realistic and natural tone. Consider adding more pauses, interruptions, or unique speech patterns to make the dialogue sound more authentic.

        4. Strengthen the emotional impact: The emotional climax of the scene, where Frank Sr. defends his son, could be enhanced by adding more emotional beats. Explore the characters' emotions through physical reactions, facial expressions, or internal thoughts to make the scene more powerful.

        Overall, this scene effectively conveys the conflict and tension surrounding Frank Sr. and his son, but could benefit from additional visual description, character development, and emotional impact.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Develop the characters further: Provide some visual descriptions or actions that reveal more about the characters. For example, describe Frank Sr.'s body language or facial expressions when he first sees the detectives.

        2. Add more conflict and tension: Create more conflict between Frank Sr. and the detectives to make the scene more engaging. This could be done by having the detectives be more aggressive in their questioning or by having Frank Sr. initially resist their questioning.

        3. Show more emotion: Explore the emotional depth of the scene by allowing the characters to express their feelings. For example, Frank Sr. could show his frustration or anger towards the detectives for accusing his son.

        4. Provide more context: Include more information about the situation and the relationship between Frank Sr. and his son. This could be done through dialogue or flashbacks to help the audience understand the stakes and the significance of the situation.

        5. Consider the pacing: Evaluate the overall flow of the scene and make sure it fits within the larger narrative of the film. This may involve adjusting dialogue or adding or removing certain actions to maintain a consistent tone and pace.

        6. Consider the visual aspects: Think about how the scene could be visually interesting or significant. This could involve incorporating elements like props, set design, or camera angles to enhance the impact of the scene.

        7. Revise dialogue: Make sure the dialogue sounds natural and believable for the characters. Consider removing unnecessary repetition or tightening up the dialogue to make it more concise.

        Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance the dramatic tension, emotional impact, and clarity of the scene to engage the audience and advance the story.



        Scene 14 -  Frank's Determination
        53 INT. - PLAZA HOTEL. - NEW YORK. - DAY 53

        Frank walks up to the front desk of the PLAZA HOTEL.
        FRANK
        Do you rent twriters?

        F ESK CLERK
        Of course, M ms. Would you
        like electric m ual?

        FRONT DESK K
        You should try it. I'll send our

        I
        typist up to give you a lesson.

        54 INT. - PLAZA HOTEL SUITE. - NIGHT 54


        CLOSE ON

        A BLANK COUNTER CHECK
        The ELECTRIC STRIKING BALL of the typewriter is going over
        the same words again and again, making them appear PRINTED.
        The top of the phony check reads:

        PAN AMERICAN WORLD AIRWAYS EMPLOYEE NUMBER 15415

        PAY TO THE ORDER OF FRANK WILLIAMS $513.12
        Debbie Zane - 5




        37.

        55 INT. - PLAZA HOTEL BATHROOM. - DAY 55

        Frank kneels over the bathtub, looking down at a PLASTIC 707
        MODEL AIRPLANE. The small plane is soaking in the tub,
        floating up-side-down in a pool of bubbles.

        CLOSE ON

        THE WING OF THE MODEL PLANE_
        The PAN AM LOGO is on the wing. WE WATCH as a TWEEZER lifts
        the corner of the logo right off the plastic, carefully
        slipping it off the wing so that the words PAN AMERICAN
        WORLD
        AIRWAYS hang in mid-air.

        ON FRANK
        meticulously placing the LOGO on top of the check he has
        just made. The words stick to the paper, and he quickly
        takes
        the check and places it in the middle of a hotel BIBLE. He
        sticks the bible under his bed, the way a kid breaks in a
        new baseball glove.

        56 INT. - CHASE MA.NHATTAW/BANK _ - DAY 56

        Frank is still in uniform " s 0 walks past two MALE TELLERS
        and deliberately approac YOUNG FEMALE TELLER-

        CN

        FRANK
        I was wondering if ?bk `�ptad cash
        this payroll check f
        Frank takesthecheck out ofa phony PAN AM ENVELOPEand

        M ;
        hands it totheTELLER.ThePAN AM LOGO on the check is
        crooked andoffcenter,thetype blurred and almostillegible.

        FRANK (CONT'D)
        You have beautiful eyes.
        The TELLER smiles at Frank, barely glances at the check as
        she opens her CASH DRAWER.

        TELLER
        How would you like it?

        57 INT. - NEW YORK HOBBY SHOP. - DAY 57

        A small HOBBY SHOP in Times Square. Frank sets FIFTEEN BOXES
        of PAN AM MODEL AIRPLANES on the counter.

        HOBBY SHOP OWNER
        That's a lot of planes.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -
        38.

        57 CONTINUED: 57

        FRANK
        I give them away at Christmas to
        needy children.

        58 INT. - PLAZA HOTEL SUITE. - NIGHT 58


        CLOSE ON

        A HOTEL BATHTUB FILLED WITH MODEL AIRPLANES THAT ARE SOAKING

        IN WARM WATER.
        Frank sits at a desk, pulls a CHECK from the carriage of an
        electric typewriter. The check is perfectly centered, the
        Pan Am logo straight, the lines and words looking thick and
        heavy -- as if they were printed.
        Frank takes the check and sets it on the hotel bed, where
        FIVE HUNDRED FRESHLY MADE CHECKS are sitting in neatly
        stacked
        piles.

        59 INT. -PLAZA HOTEL. - MORNING 59

        Frank walks downstairs his uniform, CHECK IN HAND. The
        HOTEL MANAGER rushes a to greet him.

        E'.
        What can I do ou, Mr. Williams.

        FRANK
        I'm headed out to S morning
        and I need a little s money.

        MANAGER

        0
        I'm sorry, Sir, we won't have any
        cash until the banks open in a hour.
        But I'm sure they can cash your check
        at the airport.

        FRANK
        The airport? They cash checks at
        the airport?

        60 INT. - LA GUARDIA AIRPORT. - MORNING. 60
        Frank wears his pilot's uniform as he walks through the
        crowded airport holding a thick wad of cash. As he stuffs
        the money into his pockets, he walks toward a sign that
        reads:

        AIRLINE PERSONNEL ONLY.
        Debbie Zane - 5




        39.

        61 INT. - PERSONNEL AREA. - LA GUARDIA. - DAY 61

        A giant warehouse filled with PILOTS, CO-PILOTS, FLIGHT
        ATTENDANTS, and BAGGAGE HANDLERS. There is a CAFETERIA,
        NEWSSTAND, AIRLINE SHOP, and SHOE SHINE BOOTH.
        Frank sits down in one of the SHOE SHINE CHAIRS, two TWA
        PILOTS next to him. He stares at their I.D. BADGES, which
        are laminated pictures clipped to the front of their
        jackets.

        FRANK
        Morning.
        The TWO PILOTS turn and look at Frank.

        TWA PILOT
        Morning. You mind if I ask you a
        question?

        FRANK
        Sure.

        PILOT
        I see you hfe"d11 the time, and I
        was wonderi g Pan Am is doing
        out here at L ah_ubia? Pan Am doesn't
        fly into La Gu
        Frank stares at the Pilot, hag==(,d/,idea what to say.

        TWA PILOT
        You working charters?

        FRANK
        Yeah. Charters. I'm headed out to
        Kennedy in a few minutes.
        TWA PILOT
        I figured as much. What kind of
        equipment you on?
        Frank thinks for a long BEAT, has no idea what to say.

        FRANK
        General Electric.

        TWA PILOT #2
        General Electric? What the hell do
        you fly, washing machines?
        Debbie Zane -




        40.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Frank tries to cash a check at a bank but is denied. He sees a pilot and flight attendants outside the bank and decides to become an airline pilot. He takes steps towards achieving his goal.
        Strengths "The scene effectively portrays Frank's determination and introduces a significant plot development with his decision to become an airline pilot."
        Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant conflict and dialogue."

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The overall rating for this scene is an 8 because it effectively portrays Frank's determination and introduces a significant plot development with his decision to become an airline pilot.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept rating for this scene is an 8 because it introduces a new goal for the main character, Frank, and showcases his determination to achieve it.

        Plot: 8

        The plot rating for this scene is an 8 because it moves the story forward by introducing a new goal for Frank and showing his initial steps towards achieving it.

        Originality: 3

        This scene does not exhibit a high level of originality. It portrays common situations and interactions without introducing any fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is limited by the lack of character development.


        Character Development

        Characters: 7

        The characters rating for this scene is a 7 because it focuses mainly on Frank and his determination, with minimal dialogue and interaction with other characters.

        Character Changes: 7

        The character changes rating for this scene is a 7 because it shows Frank making a significant decision to become an airline pilot, indicating a shift in his goals and aspirations.

        Internal Goal: 0

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not clearly defined.

        External Goal: 8

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to cash a payroll check and obtain money.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 4

        The conflict level in this scene is relatively low, as the main conflict revolves around Frank's struggle to cash a check and his determination to become an airline pilot.

        Opposition: 6

        The opposition in the scene is moderately strong, as the protagonist encounters obstacles in cashing his check and maintaining his deception.

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes in this scene are relatively low, as the main focus is on Frank's personal goal and determination rather than high-stakes external conflicts.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new goal for Frank and showing his initial steps towards achieving it.

        Unpredictability: 5

        This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability because the audience is unsure of how the protagonist will handle the various challenges presented to him.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 6

        The emotional impact of this scene is a 6 because it portrays Frank's determination and hope, which can evoke a sense of inspiration and motivation.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue rating for this scene is a 6 because there is limited dialogue, with the most significant line being Frank's interaction with the teller at the bank.

        Engagement: 6

        This scene is engaging because it introduces a series of events that drive the narrative forward and create curiosity about the protagonist's actions and motivations.

        Pacing: 7

        The pacing and rhythm of the scene are well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 8

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, dialogue formatting, and description.

        Structure: 7

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a sequential progression of events.


        Critique Overall, this scene could use some improvement in terms of clarity and dialogue. The dialogue feels a bit unnatural and stilted, lacking the flow and authenticity of real conversation. It would be beneficial to make the dialogue more conversational and natural, while still conveying the necessary information.

        Additionally, there is a lack of visual descriptions in the scene. The reader should be able to visualize the setting, characters, and actions clearly. Providing more visual details and descriptions would enhance the reader's understanding and immersion in the scene.

        There are also a few inconsistencies and unclear moments in the scene. For example, it is not clear why Frank is asking about renting typewriters at the Plaza Hotel, and the purpose of the typewriter lesson is not explained. Clarifying these details and making them more relevant to the story would improve the scene's effectiveness.

        Lastly, the pacing of the scene could be improved by trimming unnecessary descriptions and dialogue that do not contribute significantly to the plot or character development. Streamlining the scene and focusing on the most important elements would help maintain the audience's interest and keep the story moving forward.
        Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

        1. Clear up the dialogue: The conversation between Frank and the front desk clerk at the Plaza Hotel is a bit confusing and unclear. Rewrite the dialogue so that it flows better and the intentions of the characters are clearer.

        2. Provide more description: Include more details in the scene to help visualize the setting, the characters' actions, and their emotions. This will make the scene more engaging for the reader.

        3. Show rather than tell: Instead of just describing what Frank is doing with the check and the model airplane, show the actions in a more visual and dynamic way. This will make the scene more visually interesting and show the character's skills and resourcefulness.

        4. Clarify character motivations: It's not clear why Frank is changing the logo on the model airplane or why he needs to cash the payroll check. Clarify the character's motivations and goals in the scene to make it more compelling and to drive the plot forward.

        5. Add conflict or tension: The scene feels a bit flat and lacking in conflict or tension. Consider adding some obstacles or challenges for Frank to encounter, which will make the scene more dramatic and drive the story forward.

        6. Streamline the scene: The scene feels a bit long and could possibly be condensed or edited to make it more efficient. Consider cutting unnecessary dialogue or actions to streamline the scene and keep the pacing tight.

        Overall, these suggestions will help to improve the clarity, visual appeal, and dramatic impact of the scene.



        Scene 15 -  Frank's Journey Begins
        62 EXT. - LA GUARDIA. - DAY 62

        Frank is running out of the airport.

        FRANK (V.O.)
        Dear Dad. I have been accepted to
        Pan Am's flight school, and will be
        starting my training immediately. I
        am sending you a picture of me in my
        uniform, so that you can show it to
        mom, and let her know that I am a
        pilot for the greatest airline in
        the world.

        63 EXT. - PAN AM BUILDING. - DAY 63

        Frank enters building.

        64 INT. - PAN AM BUILDING - RECEPTION AREA - DAY 64

        The massive CORPORATE OFFICES of PAN AM, which look out over
        the Manhattan. Frank, dressed like a student and wearing a
        backpack, gets out of televator and walks up to a

        RECEPTIONIST.
        I'm Frank Black'cr#4m Monroe High
        School. I have a opdIntment with
        Mister Mulligan.
        RECEPTION
        Go on in, Frank. He' s w i4 ng for
        you.
        Frank hesitates as he walks toward a door marked, PAUL

        MULLIGAN, DIRECTOR OF AIRLINE SECURITY.

        65 INT. - MULLIGAN'S OFFICE. - DAY 65

        PAUL MULLIGAN, 70's, a small, rock of a man, stands behind a

        WALL OF PICTURES, MILITARY MEDALS, PAN AM ACHIEVEMENT
        AWARDS,
        and EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR CERTIFICATES that are neatly
        displayed on the wall behind him.

        MULLIGAN
        Frank, I'm Paul Mulligan, head of
        security for Pan American World
        Airways. I understand you're writing
        a report about Pan Am, and you'd
        like to speak to a real live pilot.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        41.

        65 CONTINUED: 65

        FRANK
        Yes, Sir.

        MULLIGAN
        Well you're in luck, son. Because I
        was one of the best.

        66 INT. - PAN AM BUILDING. - DAY 66

        Frank is following Paul Mulligan through a large GALLERY
        which shows the history of PAN AM in black and white
        pictures
        and detailed PLASTIC MODELS.
        FRANK
        What does it mean when one pilot
        says to another pilot, "what kind of
        equipment are you on?"

        MULLIGAN
        He's asking what kind of plane they're
        flying. DC-10, 707, 727.
        What about a D. badges I've seen
        pilots wear. e

        MU G
        A pilot is requi of
        things with him at
        airline personnel b e
        similar to this Pan AA
        wearing, and his FAA li
        Mulligan pulls an old FAA LICENSE out of his wallet.

        FRANK
        Do you think I could make a copy of
        this license to put in my report?

        MULLIGAN
        You can have it, Frank. It expired
        five years ago.

        FRANK
        What about your I.D. badge? Do you
        have an extra one I could borrow?

        MULLIGAN
        I'm afraid I can't help you there.
        These badges are special ordered
        from Polaroid. The only way to get

        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -!




        42.
        66 CONTINUED: 66

        MULLIGAN (CONT'D)
        one is to become a real live pilot
        for Pan Am.

        67 INT. - POLAROID CORPORATE OFFICES. - NEW YORK. - DAY 67

        A LARGE OFFICE IN NEW YORK CITY. A POLAROID SALESMAN has
        opened a SAMPLE BOOK and is showing off page after page of

        LAMINATED I.D. BADGES.
        FRANK wears a suit and tie as he sits across from the
        salesman
        examining the book.

        FRANK
        Caribbean Air will be expanding our
        routes next year to include most of
        the East coast. I'm thinking we'll
        need several thousand badges.

        POLAROID SALESMAN
        As you can see, we make the I.D.
        badges for almost every major airline.

        POLAROI
        That's Pan Am. Would o' Qke the
        brochure on that one?

        FRANK
        My boss wanted me to bring back an
        actual I.D. badge, not a brochure.

        POLAROID SALESMAN
        That's no problem, Mister Anderson.
        We make all the badges right here
        with this equipment.
        The Salesman motions to a large CAMERA AND LAMINATOR.
        POLAROID SALESMAN (cont'd)
        I can make you one in a few seconds.

        FRANK
        I have an idea. Why don't you use me
        as the subject.
        Debbie Zane - 5
        43.
        l f 68 INT - KENNEDY AIRPORT. - DAY 68
        Frank is walking through KENNEDY AIRPORT, his authentic PAN
        AM I.D. BADGE secured to the front of his uniform. He walks
        up to an EASTERN AIRLINES ticket counter and smiles at the

        TICKET AGENT.

        FRANK
        Hello. I'm a Pan Am co-pilot and I'd
        like to fly on your two-thirty to
        Miami.

        EASTERN TICKET AGENT
        You want to dead-head to Miami?

        FRANK
        Yes. Dead-head.
        Frank hands the AGENT his I.D. BADGE and Mulligan's FAA
        license, which has been cropped at the top where Mulligan's
        name used to be. She barely glances at either-

        ERN TICKET AGENT
        You' re in lyk""Sir. The jump seat
        is open.
        The Ticket Agent starts to la ,��Y}c�i Frank laughs
        with her.

        69 INT_ - EASTERN 707. - DAY 69
        MARCI, a cute 27-year-old EASTERN STEWARDESS with short
        blonde
        hair and glasses, stands at the front of the plane smiling
        at Frank -- who holds out his pink boarding slip.

        MARCI
        Are you my dead-head?

        70 INT. - COCKPIT. - 707. - DAY 70

        Frank is led into the cockpit by Marci, trying not to react
        to the intensity of the tiny space. He immediately looks
        around for the jump-seat -- or any seat -- but sees nothing.

        MARCI
        Frank, this is Captain Oliver. That's
        John Paxton, the Co-Pilot, this is
        Ron Vega, flight engineer.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -!




        44.

        70 CONTINUED: 70

        FRANK
        Frank Williams, Pan Am. Thanks for
        giving me a lift.

        CAPTAIN OLIVER
        Go ahead and take a seat, Frank,
        we're about to push.
        Frank continues to search for the JUMP SEAT, the panic
        starting to show on his face as Marci reaches her hand
        around
        to the back of the cockpit door and pulls down the small

        METAL SEAT_

        MARCI
        There you go. Would you like a drink
        after take-off?
        Frank quickly sits in the jump-seat, his hands shaking as he
        tries to strap himself in.

        FRANK
        A glass of milk, please.

        71 EXT. - KENNEDY AIRPORT'RMWAY. - DAY. 71


        72 INT. - EASTERN COCKPIT. - 72

        CLOSE ON FRANK -- inside the -- his hands gripping
        the sides of the JUMP-SEAT, his nd face clenched into
        a silent scream as the plane lift f, banking left as it
        shoots out over Manhattan.
        Frank is staring out the cockpit window in disbelief, the
        way all kids do the first time they ride in a plane.

        73 INT. - EASTERN 707. - LATER IN FLIGHT 73

        Frank walks through the COCKPIT DOOR, sees Marci preparing
        drinks at the beverage station.

        MARCI
        Hello, dead-head. Enjoying your free
        ride?

        FRANK
        Marci, did you drop this?
        Frank takes a SMALL GOLD NECKLACE out of his jacket pocket.

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane - 5




        45.

        73 CONTINUED: 73

        7 FRANK (CONT'D)
        Must have slipped right off your
        neck.
        Genres: ["Drama","Adventure"]

        Summary Frank embarks on his journey to become an airline pilot and takes steps towards achieving his goal.
        Strengths "Strong portrayal of Frank's determination, Exciting introduction to the world of aviation, Well-paced progression of the scene"
        Weaknesses "Lack of standout dialogue or memorable lines"

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 8

        The scene effectively establishes Frank's goal and shows his determination to achieve it. The progression of the scene is engaging and builds anticipation for Frank's journey as an airline pilot.


        Story Content

        Concept: 7

        The concept of Frank's desire to become an airline pilot and his resourcefulness to obtain the necessary credentials is interesting and relatable. It sets up a clear goal for the character and introduces the audience to the world of aviation.

        Plot: 8

        The plot of the scene follows Frank's initial steps towards becoming an airline pilot, from his unsuccessful attempt to cash a check to his successful boarding of a flight using an ID badge. It establishes the challenges he faces and his determination to overcome them.

        Originality: 0


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        Frank is portrayed as determined, resourceful, and excited about his goal of becoming an airline pilot. Paul Mulligan and Marci are also introduced as supportive characters who contribute to Frank's journey.

        Character Changes: 6

        The scene primarily focuses on Frank's consistent determination and excitement about becoming an airline pilot. The other characters do not undergo significant changes in this particular scene.

        Internal Goal: 0

        External Goal: 0


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 4

        The conflict in the scene is relatively low as Frank faces minor setbacks but remains determined and hopeful. The primary conflict is internal, as Frank works to overcome obstacles and achieve his goal.

        Opposition: 0

        High Stakes: 5

        The stakes in the scene are relatively low, as Frank's primary challenge is securing credentials and experiences minor setbacks. However, the scene sets up larger stakes for Frank's future as he pursues his dream of becoming a pilot.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by establishing Frank's journey towards becoming an airline pilot. It introduces important characters and sets up the challenges and goals that Frank will face in future scenes.

        Unpredictability: 0

        Philosophical Conflict: 0


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 6

        The scene elicits a sense of excitement and anticipation as Frank takes steps towards his goal. There is also a nostalgic undertone, with Frank's letter to his dad and his dreams of becoming a pilot.

        Dialogue: 6

        The dialogue in the scene is functional and serves to convey necessary information about Frank's goal and the process of becoming a pilot. It lacks standout lines or memorable exchanges.

        Engagement: 0

        Pacing: 0


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 0

        Structure: 0


        Critique The scene seems to be well-written and engaging. It effectively establishes the setting and introduces the main character, Frank, in a clear and concise manner. The dialogue is natural and flows smoothly, providing necessary information without feeling forced. The transition between different locations is also handled well, allowing the reader to follow Frank's journey easily.

        However, there are a few areas that could be improved. Firstly, some of the formatting could be cleaned up. For example, the character names and dialogue lines should be aligned properly. Also, there are a few typos and missing punctuation marks that should be corrected.

        In terms of character development, more could be done to establish Frank's personality and motivations. It would be helpful to have a clearer understanding of why he wants to become a pilot and why he is resorting to deception to achieve his goals. This would make his actions and decisions more believable and relatable to the audience.

        Additionally, the dialogue between Frank and the other characters could be more dynamic and engaging. This could be achieved by incorporating more subtext and conflict into their conversations, revealing their true intentions and desires.

        Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some further refinement in terms of formatting, character development, and dialogue.
        Suggestions Here are my suggestions for improving this scene:

        1. Add more visual description: The scene lacks visual details that could help bring it to life. Consider adding more descriptions of the surroundings, the characters' actions, and any other visual elements that could enhance the scene.

        2. Improve character introductions: When introducing new characters, give a brief physical description or a distinctive trait that can make them more memorable to the audience. For example, instead of just saying "Marci, a cute 27-year-old EASTERN STEWARDESS with short blonde hair and glasses," you can describe her in a way that makes her stand out, such as "Marci, a bubbly and energetic 27-year-old stewardess with a contagious smile and mismatched patterned socks."

        3. Enhance dialogue: Review the dialogue and consider if it can be made more engaging or if it could reveal more about the characters. Think about adding subtext or conflict to make the conversation more dynamic and interesting.

        4. Create more tension: Consider adding moments of tension or suspense to keep the audience engaged. For example, when Frank hesitates before knocking on Mulligan's door, you could create more anticipation by describing his inner turmoil or giving a reason for his hesitation.

        5. Show, don't tell: Look for opportunities to show the emotions and reactions of the characters visually, rather than relying solely on dialogue or voiceover. For example, instead of having Frank say, "Frank continues to search for the JUMP SEAT, the panic starting to show on his face," you could describe his actions and body language to convey his panic more effectively.

        6. Tighten the pacing: Some of the dialogue and actions could be condensed or removed to improve the pacing of the scene. Consider removing any unnecessary lines or actions to keep the momentum of the story going.

        7. Clarify transitions: Make sure the transitions between different locations and scenes are clear and smooth. Clearly indicate the passage of time if necessary, so the audience can follow the story easily.

        Remember, these are suggestions, and the changes you make should align with your overall vision for the script.



        Scene 16 -  Frank's Determination
        74 INT. - FRANK'S HOTEL ROOM. - MIAMI. - NIGHT 74

        Frank is lying on top of Marci -- losing his virginity --
        not moving -- just staring down at her with a bizarre look
        on his face. The lights are low, the radio is on.

        FRANK
        Are all hostesses as nice as you?

        MA.RCI
        Stewardess. You know we like to be
        called stewardess now. Why are you
        stopping?

        FRANK
        I want to tell you something, Marci.
        This is by far the best date I've
        ever been on.

        75 INT. - AIRPORT. - DAY 75

        Frank walks toward a COUNTER with a big smile on
        his face.
        U O

        FRANK
        Is the jump-seat op no '1 j. ur four
        o'clock to Dallas?

        76 INT. - DALLAS BANK. - DAY 76


        0
        Frank is wearing his pilot's uniform as he walks up to LUCY,
        the pretty ASSISTANT MANAGER of a small Dallas bank.

        LUCY
        Welcome to Dallas National Bank, how
        may I help you?

        FRANK
        What's your name, Ma'am?

        LUCY
        Lucy Rogers. I'm the Assistant
        Manager.

        FRANK
        Lucy, my name is Frank Williams, and
        I'm a co-pilot for Pan Am. I'd like

        (MORE)

        (CONTINUED)
        Debbie Zane -




        46-

        76 CONTINUED: 76

        FRANK (CONT'D)
        to cash this check and then take you
        to dinner.
        Genres: ["Drama"]

        Summary Frank decides to become an airline pilot and takes steps towards achieving his goal.
        Strengths
        • Frank's determination and charm
        • Engaging dialogue
        Weaknesses

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene effectively portrays Frank's determination and his approachable personality, which engages the audience.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of Frank's journey to become an airline pilot is compelling and relatable.

          Plot: 7

          The plot of Frank's decision and his attempts to cash a check and interact with Lucy moves the story forward and adds to the character development.

          Originality: 6

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a layer of realism.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          Frank's character is well-developed and likable, while Lucy's character adds depth and conflict.

          Character Changes: 6

          Frank's character doesn't undergo significant changes in this scene, but his determination is reinforced.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express his feelings of appreciation and satisfaction to Marci during their intimate moment.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to cash a check and ask Lucy out to dinner.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 5

          The conflict in this scene is relatively low, with minor setbacks for Frank but no major obstacles.

          Opposition: 5

          The opposition in this scene is minimal, with the protagonist facing minor challenges like cashing a check and asking someone out to dinner.

          High Stakes: 5

          The stakes in this scene are relatively low, with Frank's journey being his personal dream rather than a life-or-death situation.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene progresses the overall story by showing Frank taking steps towards his goal of becoming an airline pilot.

          Unpredictability: 4

          This scene is not particularly unpredictable as it follows a predictable linear progression of events.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene elicits a sense of hope and excitement from the audience, but doesn't create strong emotional resonance.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue between Frank and Lucy is engaging and reveals their personalities.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it captures both emotional and humorous moments through relatable dialogue and relatable situations.

          Pacing: 7

          The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by smoothly transitioning between different locations and maintaining a steady momentum.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, dialogue tags, and transitions between scene headers.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headers and dialogues.


          Critique Overall, this scene could use some improvement in terms of dialogue and character development.

          First, the description of Frank losing his virginity and staring down at Marci with a bizarre look on his face feels unnecessary and does not contribute to the story or character development. It would be more effective to focus on their emotional connection or the atmosphere of the room instead.

          In terms of dialogue, the exchange between Frank and Marci feels awkward and forced. The line "Are all hostesses as nice as you?" is somewhat cliche and could be replaced with something more authentic and specific to their characters. Similarly, Marci's response about wanting to be called a stewardess instead of a hostess feels forced and doesn't add much to the scene.

          The transition to the next scene at the airport is abrupt and lacks a clear connection to the previous scene. It would be helpful to provide more context or establish a stronger link between the two moments to help the flow of the story.

          In the Dallas bank scene, the dialogue between Frank and Lucy also feels a bit forced. Their interaction lacks depth and authenticity. It would be beneficial to explore their characters more and add some subtext or conflict to make the scene more engaging.

          Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual description and sensory details to help create a vivid and immersive experience for the readers.

          Overall, this scene would benefit from revising the dialogue and focusing on developing the characters and their emotional journey more effectively.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Add more emotional depth to Frank's expression while losing his virginity. Instead of just a "bizarre look," describe his emotions or reactions to make it more engaging for the audience.

          2. Consider adding more sensual details to the hotel room scene to set the atmosphere and create visual appeal. For example, describe the dim lighting, soft music playing on the radio, or any other sensory elements that enhance the mood.

          3. Instead of having Frank abruptly stop during the intimate moment, create a more natural transition for him to express his feelings. Perhaps he can take a moment, look into Marci's eyes with intensity, and then proceed to share his thoughts about it being the best date he's ever been on. This will emphasize the emotional connection between the characters.

          4. Improve the dialogue between Frank and Marci to make it more realistic and conversational. Consider incorporating more natural pauses, interruptions, or slang to make it sound like an authentic interaction between two people.

          5. Give more context to the airport scene by adding descriptions of the surroundings or other characters that Frank interacts with. This will help the reader visualize the setting and engage with the scene more effectively.

          6. Consider developing Lucy's character further in the Dallas bank scene. Add more details about her personality or job role to create a more vivid and compelling character for Frank to interact with.

          7. Strengthen the dialogue between Frank and Lucy to make it more engaging and intriguing for the audience. Consider adding playful banter or flirtation to make their interaction more dynamic.

          Incorporating these suggestions will help improve the flow and depth of the scene, making it more engaging and enjoyable for the audience.



          Scene 17 -  Frank's Journey Begins
          77 INT. - DALLAS HOTEL ROOM. - NIGHT 77
          Frank is dancing with LUCY, who is laughing uncontrollably
          as he twirls her around the room.

          LUCY
          Okay, enough! I'm gonna be sick. I
          have to get home and get some sleep.

          FRANK
          It's only midnight.

          LUCY
          One of my tellers got married last
          night, and I'm gonna be short handed
          all week.

          FRANK
          What if I cane nd helped you out
          down at the

          L
          Now why would ffaij Am Pilot want to
          work in my stupi
          Frank twirls Lucy, dipping he3JAn,; Y middle of the room.

          FRANK
          To be close to you.

          78 INT. - DALLAS NATIONAL BANK. - DAY 78

          Frank is standing with Lucy behind the counter of the bank,
          watching as she feeds a stack of CHECKS into a MICKER
          ENCODING

          MACHINE.

          LUCY
          We feed the checks through the micker
          machine, and the magic eye reads the
          micker ink and then sorts the checks
          by numbers.

          FRANK
          What numbers?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5
          47.

          78 CONTINUED: 78

          LUCY
          See the numbers on the bottom of the`
          checks. Those are called routing
          numbers.

          FRANK
          Where do the checks get routed to?

          LUCY
          Well, I'm not exactly sure.
          Nobody ever asked before.

          79 INT. - NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY. - DAY 79

          Frank wears his pilots uniform as he sits across from a
          group
          of HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS who are writing term papers. As the
          students talk and laugh at their desks, Frank leans over to
          them.

          FRANK
          would you keep it down, please?
          The students immediatel uiet down as Frank turns a page in
          his book -- THE HISTO BANKING IN AMERICA. He is reading
          a chapter called - - T E, NKS OF THE U.S. FEDERAL RESERVE

          80 INT. - NEW JERSEY AUCTIO 80


          A SIGN READS: FORECLOSURE AU

          BANS
          WE SEE rows of desks, chairs, cou and cash drawers --
          everything you could possibly find at a bank. The
          AUCTIONEER
          stands in front of a room filled with BANKERS and
          BUSINESSMEN
          in dark suits.

          AUCTIONEER
          Our next item up for bid is also
          fromtheJersey National foreclosure.
          Thisisa micker encoder, a machine
          usedtoencode bank checks. Do I
          haveanopening bid?
          In the audience, Frank, dressed in a suit, smiles as he
          raises
          his paddle.

          FRANK
          Five dollars.
          Debbie Zane - 5




          48.

          81 EXT. - VILLAGE INN BAR. - EASTCHESTER, NEW JERSEY. - DAY
          81

          The parking lot is packed with cars. A light snow is falling
          as FRANK SR. walks out of the bar and buttons his jacket.

          FRANK
          Happy birthday, Dad.
          Frank turns to face his son, who is standing in front of a
          RED CADILLAC that still has the sticker in the window. The
          two men stare at each other for a long BEAT, and then
          embrace
          in the middle of the lot.

          FRANK SR.
          Jesus, look at you? My son the
          birdman. That is some uniform, Frank.

          FRANK
          I bought you a Cadillac.
          Frank motions to the car, holds up the keys.
          K (cont' d)
          ission. She goes
          s an hour. It
          btj speedometer.
          Frank Sr.

          FRANK S
          She's beautiful. Only\� @�nna get
          myself another white on r already
          ordered it. You keep that one, Frank,

          I
          maybe one day we'll race to Atlantic
          City.

          FRANK
          I went by the store today. Since
          when do you close on a Friday?

          FRANK SR.
          I had to close the store for awhile.
          It's all about timing, Frank, the
          goddamn government knows that. They
          hit you when you're down, and I wasn't
          gonna let them take it from me. So I
          just shut the doors myself, called
          their bluff.

          FRANK
          I can get you money, whatever you
          need. We can buy ten stores.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          49.

          81 CONTINUED: 81

          FRANK SR.
          No. It's better this way. I'm laying'
          low for awhile, letting them have
          their fun. It's just a stationery
          store -- sooner or later they'll
          forget about me.

          FRANK
          Have you talked to Mom?

          FRANK SR.
          She's so stubborn, your mother. But
          I won't let her go without a fight.
          I've been fighting for her since the
          day we met.

          FRANK
          Out of all those soldiers, you were
          the one that took her home.

          FRANK SR.
          That's right. Two hundred men were
          sitting in th' little social hall
          watching he d ce. What was the
          name of tha d I/ ..il lage?
          Montpelier.

          FRANK S
          I didn't speak a word
          six weeks later she was
          A WOMAN PULLS UP IN AN OLD FORD AND HONKS FOR FRANK SR.. She
          smiles and waves at him through the window, and he waves
          back.
          FRANK SR. (cont'd)
          Shit. I have to go, Frank.

          FRANK
          I was hoping I could buy you a steak.

          FRANK SR.
          Jesus, tonight is no good. That's my
          friend, Darlene. She's cooking me
          dinner for my birthday. She used to
          be the pastry chef at Elaines. Why
          don't you come home with us?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          50.

          81 CONTINUED: (2) 81

          FRANK
          No, I should probably get out to the
          airport. I'm flying the red eye
          tonight.

          FRANK SR.
          Where are you going?

          FRANK
          Dad, I'm serious about what I said.
          I can get you money --whatever you
          need.

          FRANK SR.
          Just tell me where you're going.
          I bet it's someplace warm.

          FRANK
          Yeah. Hawaii.

          FRANK SR.
          Hawaii. My son is going to Hawaii
          tonight. The x t of us really are
          suckers.

          82 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - WASHIN , DAY 82


          SUPER: FBI BUILDING, WASHINGTON

          CLOSE ON
          A SLIDE PROJECTOR -- the circular tray turning clockwise as
          an AGENT JOE SHAYE stands at the front of the room
          addressing

          FIVE FBI AGENTS.

          JOE SHAYE
          John Doe 2172 is a paperhanger who
          started on the East Coast. During
          the last few weeks 2172 has developed
          a new form of check fraud, which I'm
          calling "the float". Next slide.
          The slide doesn't change.
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
          Next slide, please.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          51.

          82 CONTINUED: 82
          FBI AGENT
          The remote thing is broken.
          You'll have to do it by hand.
          Joe reaches in and turns the slide.
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
          What he's doing is opening checking
          accounts all over the country, then
          changing the micker ink routing
          numbers on the bottom of those checks.

          CLOSE ON
          THE FACES OF THE FIVE FBI AGENTS, looking bored as they all
          listen to Joe, having no idea what he's talking about. Some
          of the agents are yawning, while other are doodling at their
          desks.
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
          This is a map of the 12 branches of
          the U.S. Federal Reserve. The optical
          scanners at t bank read the numbers
          on the bott a check -- then
          ship the ch c}���f,? to the

          CORRESPONDING

          SPEC___
          Joe, for those of
          with bank fraud, wo
          telling us what the h
          talking about?

          III

          JOE SHAYE
          The East Coast branches are numbered
          seven through twelve, the midwest
          four, five, and six...

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          You mean to say that those numbers
          on the bottom of a check actually
          mean something?

          JOE SHAYE
          Yes. And if you change a number one
          to a number nine -- a check cashed
          in New York won't be sent to the
          East Coast Reserve -- but will be re-
          routed all the way to California.
          The bank won't know the check has
          bounced for two weeks, which means
          (MORE)

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          52.

          82 CONTINUED: (2) 82
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
          this guy can stay in one place --
          rob the same banks over and over.
          The AGENTS literally scratch their heads, trying to follow.

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          And this is why you called for an
          emergency briefing? Because of a
          couple of bounced checks?
          Laughter from the other Agents as Joe tries to smile.

          JOE SHAYE
          Sean, I was hoping to get-some back-
          up on this.

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          You want my wife to help you? She's
          the one who balances the checkbook
          at home?
          Genres: ["Drama"]

          Summary Frank's father defends him from accusations made by police detectives, revealing that Frank is actually serving in Vietnam. Frank decides to become an airline pilot and takes steps towards achieving his goal.
          Strengths "Strong character development, realistic dialogue, and clear progression of the plot."
          Weaknesses "Lack of details about Frank's time in Vietnam and potential consequences of his decision to become a pilot."

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene effectively introduces conflict and character development.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of Frank's journey to become an airline pilot is interesting and relatable.

          Plot: 9

          The plot progresses as Frank's father defends him and Frank decides to pursue his dream of becoming an airline pilot.

          Originality: 3

          This scene does not contain any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is realistic and relatable.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          The characters, Frank and his father, are well-developed and their actions drive the scene.

          Character Changes: 7

          Frank's decision to become an airline pilot represents a significant change for his character.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his connection and support his family, particularly his father. This goal reflects his deeper desire to protect and take care of his loved ones.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined, but it seems to be focused on helping his father through his financial difficulties. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 7

          There is conflict between Frank's father and the police detectives, as well as internal conflict for Frank as he decides to pursue his dream.

          Opposition: 5

          The opposition in this scene is relatively weak, as there are no major obstacles or challenges that the protagonist must overcome.

          High Stakes: 6

          The stakes are relatively high for Frank's future and his relationships with his father and Lucy.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and showing Frank's determination.

          Unpredictability: 5

          This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of its plot and character dynamics. There are no major surprises or unexpected twists.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene evokes mixed emotions, including hopefulness and concern for Frank's future.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it explores the relationship between Frank and his father, highlighting their love and support for each other. The dialogue and interactions between the characters are emotionally resonant.

          Pacing: 7

          The pacing and rhythm of this scene are effective in conveying the emotional weight and significance of the interactions between the characters.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes a clear setting, dialogue, and character interactions.


          Critique Overall, this scene seems to effectively convey the dialogue and actions of the characters. However, there are a few areas where improvement could be made:

          1. Formatting: The scene description and dialogue are not separated with proper formatting. Each new line of dialogue should be its own paragraph, and the scene description should be in present tense.

          2. Clearer character identification: In the dialogue, it's not always clear who is speaking. Make sure each character's name is clearly indicated when they speak.

          3. Lack of visual cues: The scene could benefit from more visual cues and actions to enhance the reader's understanding of the scene. For example, you could include physical descriptions of the characters, their facial expressions, or gestures to make the scene more vivid.

          4. Dialogue tags: Add dialogue tags for clarity, especially in longer exchanges. This will help readers easily follow the conversation and identify who is speaking.

          5. Clearer transitions: It's sometimes unclear when the scene transitions from one location to another. Adding scene headers or clearer transitions can help readers understand the passage of time and changes in location.

          By addressing these areas, the scene can be improved by enhancing clarity and visual storytelling.
          Suggestions Overall, the scene seems to be functioning well in terms of advancing the story and giving information to the audience. However, here are a few suggestions for improvement:

          1. Add more visual description: Instead of simply stating the location at the beginning of the scene, incorporate more visual details that help set the atmosphere of the hotel room. This will enhance the reader's experience and make the scene more engaging.

          2. Tighten the dialogue: Some of the dialogue exchanges could be tightened to make them more concise and impactful. For example, in the exchange between Lucy and Frank about him working at the bank, consider removing the repetition of "stupid" and "why would Frank want to work at the bank" to make the dialogue flow more smoothly.

          3. Create more visual interest: In the scene at the bank, consider adding more visual elements to make the scene more visually interesting. For example, instead of just showing Frank and Lucy standing behind the counter, include some actions or interactions that show the daily operations of the bank.

          4. Enhance the emotional connection: In the scene with Frank Sr., consider adding more emotional depth by exploring the relationship between Frank and his father. Show their history and bond through dialogue and actions.

          5. Increase character development: Use dialogue and interactions to reveal more about the characters' personalities, desires, and motivations. This will help the audience connect with and understand the characters on a deeper level.

          Overall, while the scene is functional, incorporating these suggestions can help make the scene more engaging and memorable.



          Scene 18 -  Undercover Agents and Forged Checks
          83 INT. - RENTAL CAR. - LO GELES. - DAY 83


          SUPER: HOLLYWOOD, CAL FOR - JULY, 1964

          FBI AGENTS AMDURSKY AND
          Hollywood. Fox sits in the

          AMDURSÏ¿½
          .I'm wearing a red nd high
          heels, running through park and
          chasing these two Puerto Rican's
          with a suitcase filled with marijuana
          and I reach for my radio to call for
          back-up, but the radio is stuck in
          my bra...
          Joe turns up the volume on the radio, keeps his eyes on the
          road as he drives.

          AMDURSKY (CONT'D)
          That's a funny story. People always
          laugh at that story.

          JOE SHAYE
          Let me ask you something, Amdursky.
          if you had so much fun working
          undercover, why did you transfer
          into bank fraud?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          53.

          83 CONTINUED: 83

          AGENT AMDURSKY
          I didn't transfer. I was demoted.
          (off Joe's look)
          Demoted is the wrong word. It was
          more like-punished. I screwed up
          in the field.

          JOE SHAYE
          What about you, Mr. Fox? Did you
          fuck up in the field and get punished?

          FOX
          No. I've never worked in the field
          before. I was in the L.A. public
          relations office, but we were shut
          down after the riots.

          JOE SHAYE
          That's just great. I ask for backup,
          they drag the bottom of the Pacific.

          AMDURSKY
          Can I ask you mething, Joe? How
          come you're o erious all the time?
          JOE SHAYE
          Does it bother you, Mr. Fox?

          0.

          FOX
          A little, I guess.

          JOE SHAYE
          Would you guys like to hear me tell
          a joke?

          AGENT AMDURSKY
          Yeah. We'd love to hear a joke from
          you.

          JOE SHAYE
          Knock Knock.

          AGENT AMDURSKY
          Who's there?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          54.

          83 CONTINUED: (2) 83

          JOE SHAYE
          Go fuck yourselves.

          84 INT. - TROPICANA MOTEL. - HOLLYWOOD. - DAY 84

          The unmarked FBI SEDAN pulls up to TWO STORY MOTEL on the
          SUNSET STRIP. Joe, Amdursky and Fox walk into the motel
          office, all in black suits and sunglasses.

          85 INT. - TROPICANA MOTEL.- LOS ANGELES. - DAY 85

          Joe approaches the front desk of the motel, where the OWNER
          stands in front of a fan.
          MOTEL OWNER
          He's been here two weeks, written
          lots of checks. The one that bounced
          was for twenty dollars, and he took
          care of it right away.

          JOE SHAYE
          Nobody is goin to blame you. The
          bank called u He's probably not
          the man we' oking for.

          ER
          I don't want m-�Y u Comers harassed.
          He took care of ' o '

          JOE SHA
          Do you have any of th 1 ( ys he's
          written you?

          MOTEL OWNER
          He gave me one yesterday.
          The owner takes a check out of the register, hands it to
          Joe. Joe stares at the check for a BEAT, slowly starts to
          smile.

          JOE SHAYE
          I don't believe it. You guys stay
          here, watch the front.

          AMDURSKY
          Stay here? This guy's a check forger,
          a goddamn paperhanger. He doesn't
          even carry a gun.

          FOX
          Why can't we go with you, Joe?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          55.

          85 CONTINUED: 85
          JOE SHAYE
          Just be quiet and watch the front.
          And if you're good, I'll take you
          both for ice cream when we're
          finished.

          86 EXT. - TROPICANA MOTEL. - LOS ANGELES. - DAY 86

          Joe Shaye walks through the busy pool area of the motel,
          passing a few FLIGHT ATTENDANTS who are sitting by the tiny
          pool. Joe makes his way up the main stairwell.
          Genres: ["Crime","Comedy","Drama"]

          Summary Joe Shaye, an FBI agent, is driving with his colleagues, Amdursky and Fox, discussing their past undercover assignments. Amdursky shares a funny story, and Joe asks why he transferred to bank fraud. Amdursky reveals that he was demoted for messing up in the field. Joe then asks Fox if he also messed up and got punished, to which Fox responds that he had never worked in the field before. They arrive at a motel, and Joe talks to the motel owner about a guest who has been writing bounced checks. The motel owner vouches for the guest, but Joe becomes intrigued when he sees one of the guest's recent checks. He instructs Amdursky and Fox to stay at the motel while he goes to investigate further. As Joe walks through the motel, he passes flight attendants by the pool.
          Strengths "The witty dialogue, the intriguing mystery of the bounced checks, the humorous interactions between the FBI agents"
          Weaknesses "Lack of emotional depth, minimal character changes"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene effectively introduces the conflict and sets up a mystery for Joe to solve.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of FBI agents investigating a suspected forger adds suspense and potential for comedic moments.

          Plot: 8

          The plot advances as Joe becomes interested in the guest writing bounced checks and decides to investigate further.

          Originality: 5

          This scene does not contain any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and realistic, but not groundbreaking or original.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters of Joe, Amdursky, and Fox are well-developed and their interactions reveal aspects of their personalities.

          Character Changes: 4

          There are minimal character changes in this scene.

          Internal Goal: 7

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Joe Shaye wants to prove himself and regain his reputation after being demoted. This reflects his deeper need for validation and his fear of failure.

          External Goal: 9

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate a suspect at the Tropicana Motel. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing as an FBI agent.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 7

          Conflict arises from Joe's curiosity and desire to investigate the guest writing bounced checks.

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in the scene is moderate. While there are no major obstacles, the characters' banter and contrasting personalities create some tension and conflict.

          High Stakes: 6

          The stakes are relatively low in this scene as it sets up a new investigation for Joe.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new mystery for Joe to solve.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it includes unexpected jokes and banter between the characters. However, the overall plot and direction of the scene are relatively predictable.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 5

          The scene is more focused on humor and intrigue rather than emotional depth.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue is witty and humorous, adding depth to the characters and making the scene entertaining.

          Engagement: 8

          This scene is engaging because it introduces conflict and humor through the dialogue between the characters. It also establishes the setting and provides important information for the narrative.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene is effective because it balances dialogue and action to maintain momentum. The quick back-and-forth exchanges between characters keep the scene engaging and lively.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

          Structure: 7

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.


          Critique Overall, the scene could benefit from some improvements in terms of clarity, dialogue, and character development.

          - The scene lacks clear and concise descriptions. For example, the sentence "Joe turns up the volume on the radio, keeps his eyes on the road as he drives." can be shorter and more specific to enhance visual storytelling.

          - There are a few typos and unclear language in the dialogue, such as "red nd high heels," "Puerto Rican's," and "AMDURSÏ¿½."

          - The dialogue feels somewhat forced and unnatural. It would be beneficial to make the conversations between the characters more natural and realistic, ensuring that each character has their own distinct voice.

          - The character development could be enhanced. It would be helpful to provide more information about the characters, their backgrounds, and their motivations. This would give the audience a better understanding of the characters and their actions.

          - Additionally, the pacing of the scene could be improved by tightening the dialogue and focusing on the most important information.

          - Lastly, there is a lack of description in the setting and action. Adding more details to the setting, character expressions, and actions would help to create a more vivid and engaging scene.

          These are just a few suggestions for improvement. Overall, the scene has potential but would benefit from further development and refinement.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Clarify the character introductions: In the initial dialogue, it is not clear who is speaking. Add character names in the action lines or dialogue tags to specify which character is speaking.

          2. Rewrite the dialogue for better clarity and flow: The dialogue feels a bit disjointed and confusing. Rewrite the lines to make them more natural and easier to follow. Avoid using slang or abbreviations that may not be familiar to the reader.

          3. Develop the characters further: The scene can benefit from more characterization of the FBI agents. Show their personalities, motivations, and relationships with each other. This will make the scene more engaging and the characters more relatable.

          4. Consider adding some action or movement: To break up the dialogue and make the scene more visually interesting, consider adding some action or movement. This can include gestures, expressions, or physical interactions with the environment.

          5. Expand on the setting: Provide more details about the rental car, such as the make and model or any unique features. Describe the atmosphere in Hollywood in 1964 to immerse the audience in the time period and location.

          6. Enhance the transition between scenes: The transition between scene 83 and scene 84 feels abrupt. Consider adding a bridge sentence or action to smoothly transition from the rental car to the Tropicana Motel.

          7. Strengthen the tension: The scene lacks tension or a sense of urgency. Explore ways to heighten the suspense and keep the audience engaged. This can include adding conflict between the characters or raising the stakes of their mission.

          8. Consider the pacing: The dialogue is quite heavy, and it may benefit from trimming or breaking it up with action or description. Ensure that the scene advances the plot and reveals important information while maintaining appropriate pacing.

          By implementing these suggestions, you can improve the scene and make it more engaging for the readers and viewers.



          Scene 19 -  Encounter at the Tropicana
          87 INT. TROPICANA MOTEL - HALLWAY. - DAY 87

          Joe walks through a fire door with his gun leading the way.

          CLOSE ON

          ROOM 212
          at the end of the second floor hallway, the DO NOT DISTURB
          SIGN hanging off the door. Joe slowly makes his way down the
          hall, passing a MAID wh 's about to scream -- until he shows
          her his badge and vio y motions for her to hide inside a
          room.
          Joe creeps along the walYh s gun straight out, his face
          covered in sweat. He free Jow he hears a door creak,
          his breathing labored as the s of ROOM 212 slowly swings
          open and Frank walks into the ly u He wears a dark brown
          suit and holds a black suitcase

          JOE SHAYE

          FI
          Freeze! FBI! Don't you move! Put
          your hands on your head or I'll shoot
          you!
          Frank slowly turns to face Joe. The two men stare at each
          other for a BEAT_

          FRANK
          Relax, buddy, you're late. My name
          is Johnson, Secret Service. Our boy
          just tried to climb out the window --
          my partner has him cuffed in the
          alley downstairs.

          JOE SHAYE
          Secret Service? What are you talking
          about? Keep your hands in the air.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -
          56.

          87 CONTINUED: 87

          FRANK
          You think the FBI are the only ones
          tracking this guy. We've been
          following a paper trail for months,
          almost had him in New York. Would
          you mind taking that gun out of my
          face, it makes me nervous.

          JOE SHAYE
          Let me see some identification.

          FRANK
          Here. Take my whole wallet.
          Frank throws his wallet to Joe, who catches it with his free
          hand, but doesn't open it.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          You want my gun, too? Come over here
          and take my gun!
          Frank opens his jacket, but not wide enough for Joe to see
          that he's not armed.

          F (CONT'D)
          Are you gonna e that weapon?
          We're supposed a on the same
          team.
          Joe hesitates, then slowly louW6Xs`J`3,. gun and holsters
          it.

          JOE SHAYE
          I'm sorry. I got a little carried
          away. I didn't expect Secret Service
          on this.

          FRANK
          Counterfeiting is our thing.

          JOE SHAYE
          I know. I know. I just wasn't
          expecting...

          FRANK
          Don't worry about it.
          (showing him the briefcase)
          This is his typewriter. I'm gonna go
          lock it in my trunk. Do me a favor
          and guard his room for a minute.
          Frank starts moving toward the back stairwell.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          57.

          87 CONTINUED: (2) 87

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          And yell down to my partner in the
          alley -- tell him I'm on my way.
          Frank starts to walk down back stairwell. He looks back at
          Joe, who stands at the front of room 212.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          What's your name, anyway?

          JOE SHAYE
          Joe Shaye.

          FRANK
          Tough luck, Joe. Five minutes earlier
          and you would have landed yourself a
          pretty good collar.
          Frank starts walking down the stairs.

          JOE SHAYE
          Wait.
          ,�4back to Joe. Frank stops, slowly ty

          (CONT' D)
          Your wallet.

          FRANK
          Hang onto it for a pu`% , I trust
          you.

          88 EXT. - TROPICANA MOTEL. - LOS ANGELES. - DAY 88


          0
          Frank walks downstairs, opens the EMERGENCY EXIT that leads
          to a back alley. He looks both ways, then starts to run
          toward

          HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.

          89 EXT. - ROOM 212. - MINUTES LATER. 89

          Joe Shaye is guarding the entrance of room 212. He's
          standing
          tall, almost at attention. After a BEAT he looks down at the
          wallet in his hand, his mind starting to consider a single
          horrible thought.

          90 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - WASHINGTON. - DAY 90

          Joe Shaye is sitting in the office of Special Agent Wilkes,
          the office window facing out on the Washington Monument.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          58.

          9 0 CONTINUED : 90

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          I've cleared Amdursky and Fox in
          this John Doe thing.

          JOE SHAYE
          Thanks, Sean. It was my call all the
          way.

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          Sometimes we all get a little lost
          out there. No shame in being rusty.
          You want to talk about it?
          JOE SHAYE
          Not really. I made a mistake.

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          Forget about it. There are hundreds
          of John Doe's out there.

          JOE SHAYE
          Yeah, but I'm gonna get this one.
          The worst thi a paperhanger can do
          is show is I saw him, I heard
          his voice -- r s nothing for him
          to hide beiin (n�

          SPECT-ALOA T WILKES
          Just be careful, J u've got 12-
          years in, nobody bo r u down on
          the first floor. You ally
          wrote the book on bank d, and
          that's good enough to make you F-4 {
          some day. There's no reason to put
          yourself in this type of position.

          JOE SHAYE
          what position is that?

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          The position of being humiliated.
          Joe stares at Wilkes, slowly stands and heads for the door.
          He's about to leave when he turns and looks back at Wilkes.

          JOE SHAYE
          Hey, Sean, you want to hear a joke?

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          Sure.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          59-

          90 CONTINUED: (2) 90
          JOE SHAYE
          Knock knock.

          91 INT. - WALDORF ASTORIA HOTEL. - NEW YORK. - NIGHT 91

          A ROOM SERVICE WAITER opens a metal lid on a serving tray,
          revealing a huge steak and french fries.

          FRANK
          Do you have any ketchup, Richard?

          WAITER
          It's in the little bowl, Mr. Williams.

          FRANK
          Thanks. Here ya go. Keep the change.
          Frank takes a crumpled fifty dollar bill out of his pocket,
          hands it to the waiter.

          WAITER
          Thank you very much, Mr. Williams.
          you want some`5'v

          WAIT O
          I would, but my sh' over. I'm
          going home to my ki thank you
          for asking, Mr. Willi d merry
          Christmas.

          FRANK
          Merry Christmas.

          92 INT. - FBI FINGERPRINT LAB. - WASHINGTON D.C. - NIGHT 92


          CLOSE ON A FINGERPRINT UNDER A MICROSCOPE -- WE SEE ONE
          PRINT

          AFTER ANOTHER.

          JOE SHAYE
          is looking through a giant PRINT BOOK -- tediously searching
          for a match. Joe is alone in the fingerprint lab, where a
          pathetic looking Christmas tree sits in the corner of the
          room. The phone rings, and Joe quickly answers.

          JOE SHAYE (ON PHONE)
          This is Shaye. Merry Christmas.

          INTERCUT WITH SC. 93
          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          60.

          92 CONTINUED: 92

          FRANK
          Hello, Joe.

          JOE SHAYE
          Who is this?

          FRANK
          Johnson, Secret Service.
          Joe sits up at his desk, grabs a pencil and paper.

          JOE SHAYE
          John Doe 2172?

          FRANK
          I've been trying to track you down
          for a couple of hours. Did you know
          that most people in the FBI have no
          idea who you are or what you do?

          JOE SHAYE
          What do you want?
          happened out li'n>Zo ngeles .

          JOE
          Fuck you. Don't yo ize to me.
          I'm the one that's Rn t you in
          jail.

          FRANK
          Joe, do you always work on Christmas
          Eve?
          Joe looks around the room before he answers.

          JOE SHAYE
          I volunteered, so that men with
          families could go home early.
          FRANK
          You were wearing a wedding ring in
          L.A.. I thought maybe you had a
          family?

          JOE SHAYE
          No. I've never been married.

          FRANK
          How come?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          61.

          92 CONTINUED: (2) 92

          JOE SHAYE
          You want to talk to me, let's talk
          face to face.

          FRANK
          Okay. I'm at the Waldorf Astoria in
          Manhattan. Suite 3113.
          Joe starts to write this down, then suddenly stops himself.

          JOE SHAYE
          You think you're gonna get me again,
          don't you? You'd love for me to send
          twenty agents out on Christmas Eve
          to barge into that hotel, break down
          doors so you can make a fool out of
          me again?

          FRANK
          Joe, I'm sorry if I made a fool out
          of you.

          J SHAYS
          Goddamn it, o t you feel sorry for
          me. The tru h knew it was you.
          Maybe I didn 1 {he trigger, but
          I knew.
          FRANK
          People only know wh r,y` iV tell them.

          JOE SHAYE
          Then tell me something. How did you
          know I wouldn't look in the wallet?

          FRANK
          The same reason the Yankees always
          win. Nobody can keep their eyes off
          the pinstripes.

          JOE SHAYE
          The Yankees win because they have
          Mickey Mantle.

          FRANK
          I have to go. I'm catching a flight
          in two hours. Merry Christmas, Joe.

          JOE SHAYE
          You didn't call to apologize, did
          you John Doe?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          62.

          92 CONTINUED: (3) 92

          7 FRANK
          What do you mean?

          JOE SHAYE
          You've got no one else to call.
          Joe hangs up the phone. He cups his hands to his face, then
          stares at a picture of his WIFE AND DAUGHTER -- which sits
          on the desk in front of him.
          Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

          Summary Joe Shaye, an FBI agent, investigates a suspect in a hotel room but is interrupted by Frank, who claims to be Secret Service. Joe is initially suspicious but eventually lets Frank go. Frank calls Joe later to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths "Intense dialogue, compelling twist, tension between characters"
          Weaknesses "Some dialogue can be repetitive, minimal emotional depth"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 7

          The scene is well-executed and keeps the audience engaged with the tension between Joe and Frank. The dialogue is intense and reveals a twist in the plot.


          Story Content

          Concept: 6

          The concept of an FBI agent encountering someone claiming to be from the Secret Service adds intrigue and raises questions about who can be trusted.

          Plot: 7

          The plot progresses as Joe investigates the suspect in Room 212 and encounters Frank, leading to a twist in the story.

          Originality: 5

          The level of originality in this scene is average. It follows a typical interaction between law enforcement characters and a suspected criminal. The dialogue is not particularly unique, but it effectively conveys the situation and the characters' motivations.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          Both Joe and Frank are well-developed characters with conflicting motivations and past experiences, adding depth to the scene.

          Character Changes: 6

          Joe's initial hostility towards Frank softens as he starts to believe him, showing a small change in his perspective.

          Internal Goal: 7

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to apprehend the suspect and prove himself as a competent FBI agent. This reflects his need for validation and his fear of failure.

          External Goal: 8

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to capture the suspect who is involved in counterfeiting. This reflects the immediate challenge he's facing in his investigation.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          There is a high level of conflict between Joe and Frank, as they have opposing objectives and struggle to trust each other.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist initially perceives the other character as a threat, but it is quickly revealed that they are on the same side. This creates a small obstacle for the protagonist to overcome and adds suspense to the scene.

          High Stakes: 8

          The stakes are high for both Joe and Frank, as the outcome of their encounter could impact their careers and the investigation.

          Story Forward: 7

          The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Frank's identity and motivations.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the initial interaction between the protagonist and the other character suggests a conflict, but it is quickly resolved when the true identity of the other character is revealed.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 7

          The scene builds tension and suspense, making the audience emotionally invested in the outcome of Joe and Frank's encounter.

          Dialogue: 9

          The dialogue is intense and reveals important information about Joe and Frank's backgrounds and motivations.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents a tense situation and builds suspense through the interaction between the protagonist and the other character. The dialogue and actions keep the reader or viewer interested in what will happen next.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing and rhythm of this scene contribute to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency. The quick dialogue exchanges and the protagonist's actions keep the scene moving at a steady pace.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, proper use of dialogue and action lines, and appropriate use of capitalization and punctuation.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions of locations, and dialogue between characters.


          Critique This scene is overall well-written and engaging. The tension and suspense are effectively built up as Joe enters the hotel hallway with his gun leading the way. The dialogue between Joe and Frank is intriguing and keeps the audience invested in what will happen next.

          One area for improvement is to make the action lines more concise and focused. For example, instead of "Joe slowly makes his way down the hall, passing a MAID who's about to scream -- until he shows her his badge and vi0lently motions for her to hide inside a room," it could be written as "Joe cautiously advances down the hall, and quickly shows his badge to a MAID who is about to scream, motioning for her to hide in a nearby room." This helps tighten up the action and make it more efficient.

          Additionally, there could be more attention to the visual aspects of the scene. For example, when Joe and Frank first come face to face, instead of simply stating "The two men stare at each other for a beat," there could be more description of their facial expressions or body language to enhance the intensity of the moment.

          Overall, this scene sets up the conflict between Joe and Frank effectively and maintains the audience's interest. With some refining of the action lines and attention to visual details, it could become an even stronger and more compelling scene.
          Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for improving this scene:

          1. Create suspense and tension: As Joe walks through the hallway, add descriptions of the tense atmosphere, the silence broken only by the sound of his footsteps, and maybe even a sense of unease or danger in the air. This will help to build suspense and engage the audience.

          2. Show rather than tell: Instead of explicitly stating that Joe is sweating or breathing heavily, you can describe his physical appearance and body language in a way that conveys his tension and apprehension. Instead of saying he is covered in sweat, you can say his forehead glistens with sweat, for example.

          3. Use dialogue to reveal character motives: In the exchange between Joe and Frank, you can delve deeper into their motivations and give more insight into their characters. For example, you can have Frank mention that he has been tracking the suspect for personal reasons or that he has a personal investment in the case. This will add depth to their interaction and make the scene more interesting.

          4. Use actions to enhance the scene: Instead of simply describing Joe's hesitation or actions, you can show them through his body language. For example, instead of saying Joe hesitates, you can describe how he clenches his fists or his breathing becomes more shallow, indicating his internal conflict.

          5. Consider adding more visual elements: Since film is a visual medium, you can add more visual elements to enhance the scene. For example, you can show close-ups of Joe's badge, Frank's identification, or the sweat on Joe's face to make the scene more visually engaging.

          By implementing these suggestions, you can improve the pacing, tension, and characterization in this scene, making it more compelling for the audience.



          Scene 20 -  The Switch
          93 INT. - WALDORF ASTORIA HOTEL. - ROOM 93

          Frank slowly hangs up the phone. He walks over to the chair
          in the room, picks up his Pilot's Cap and puts it on.

          94 INT. - LAS VEGAS SAVINGS AND LOAN. - DAY 94

          Frank stands across from a NEW ACCOUNTS MANAGER at a LAS

          VEGAS BANK.

          NEW ACCOUNTS MANAGER
          You account balance will be three
          hundred dolls Mr. Williams. And
          these are y r emporary checks.

          NEW AC
          Just take a deposit
          counter, then fill in
          ou wish to the amounty

          FRANK
          I don't need to fill in my account
          number?

          NEW ACCOUNTS MANAGER
          At Nevada Savings and Loan, we treat
          our customers by name instead of by
          number.
          Frank walks over and stares at the deposit slips. He grabs A
          THICK STACK and shoves them into his coat.

          95 INT. - CAESAR'S PALACE HOTEL. - NIGHT 95


          CLOSE ON

          A DEPOSIT SLIP AS IT'S FED INTO THE MICKER MACHINE.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          63.

          95 CONTINUED: 95
          When the deposit slips comes through the other side, WE SEE
          a NINE DIGIT ACCOUNT NUMBER printed on the bottom. Frank
          sits on the edge of his Las Vegas hotel room -- HUNDREDS OF

          DEPOSIT SLIPS COVERING THE BED.

          96 INT. - NEVADA SAVINGS AND LOAN. - DAY 96

          Frank walks into the bank, casually switches his stack of
          deposit slips with the ones on display.

          97 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - WASHINGTON D.C. - DAY 97

          Joe Shaye uses a slide projector as he files a report in
          front of TEN AGENTS.

          JOE SHAYE
          I'm calling it "The Switch." Next
          slide.
          The slide doesn't change.
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)

          JOE HITS

          JOE SHAYE�?� CO)
          John Doe 2172 took two red and
          fifty deposit slips from Nevada
          Savings and encoded his account number
          on the bottom of each one.

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          Wait a second, Joe. Those slips don't
          even have his name on them.

          JOE SHAYE
          The bank scanners read the micker
          ink before they read pen ink. So
          even though those deposit slips are
          filled out correctly, each person
          who made a deposit that day was
          actually putting money into his
          account.

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          How much did he get?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -!
          64.

          97 CONTINUED: 97

          JOE SHAYE
          Forty-six thousand, four hundred and'
          twelve dollars. It was the second
          largest bank robbery in the history
          of Las Vegas.

          98 INT. - PAN AM BUILDING COMMISSARY. - DAY 98

          Paul Mulligan sits across from Frank eating lunch. Frank is
          dressed in school clothes and holding a notebook.

          FRANK
          What's the fuel consumption of a 707
          in flight?

          MULLIGAN
          Kid, I'm really not in the mood for
          this today. That damn Skywayman is
          driving me crazy. There was another
          article.

          FRANK
          Who's The Sk an?
          Mulligan hands Frank _ f the NEW YORK TIMES.

          UG
          Some nut flying
          posing as a Pan Am
          has devoted a weekl
          Frank stares down at the TIMES, h yes wide as he stares
          at the headline: SKYWAYMAN VISITS WASHINGTON: ELUSIVE PHONY

          STILL FLYING THE FRIENDLY SKIES.

          FRANK
          The Skywayman...

          MULLIGAN
          I keep telling them it's not my
          problem. He doesn't fly on Pan Am
          planes -- he flies on everybody else.
          The damn paper is in love with this
          clown -- they call him the James
          Bond of the sky.
          FRANK
          Did you say James Bond?
          Debbie Zane - 5




          65.
          Genres: ["Action","Crime","Drama"]

          Summary Frank decides to become an airline pilot and takes steps towards achieving his goal. Joe Shaye, an FBI agent, investigates a suspect in a hotel room but is interrupted by Frank, who claims to be Secret Service. Joe is initially suspicious but eventually lets Frank go. Frank calls Joe later to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths "Strong character development, suspenseful plot"
          Weaknesses "Limited emotional impact, minimal character changes"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene is well-paced and provides important information for the plot.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of Frank's career change and Joe's investigation adds depth to the story.

          Plot: 8

          The plot moves forward with Frank's decision and Joe's investigation.

          Originality: 5

          The level of originality in this scene is average. The situations and approaches are relatively familiar, such as a bank robbery and a mysterious character in the media. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and consistent with their roles.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          Frank and Joe are both well-defined characters with clear motivations.

          Character Changes: 5

          There is minimal character change in this scene.

          Internal Goal: 0

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated or revealed. It is unclear what deeper needs, fears, or desires the protagonist may have.

          External Goal: 8

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to manipulate the deposit slips in order to receive money from other people's deposits. This reflects the immediate circumstance of the protagonist needing money and facing a challenge in obtaining it through unconventional means.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 7

          There is conflict between Joe and Frank, as well as the investigation itself.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces challenges in manipulating the deposit slips and avoiding detection by the FBI. The audience is uncertain about whether the protagonist will succeed or be caught.

          High Stakes: 7

          The stakes are high for both Frank and Joe in their respective goals.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene provides important plot developments.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability. The protagonist's actions and the reveal of the bank robbery add a surprising element to the story.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene doesn't have a highly emotional impact, but it does create suspense.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue is natural and helps develop the characters.

          Engagement: 7

          This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious character (the Skywayman) and presents an unusual method of obtaining money. The dialogue and action keep the audience curious about what will happen next.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene is effective because it moves between different locations and reveals information gradually. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and curious.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The sluglines, action descriptions, and dialogue formatting are consistent and clear.

          Structure: 9

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It transitions smoothly between different locations and features concise action and dialogue passages.


          Critique As a screenwriting expert, here is my critique of the scene:

          - The scene starts with Frank hanging up the phone and putting on his Pilot's Cap. This action helps establish his character as a pilot and sets the tone for the following scenes.

          - The dialogue between Frank and the New Accounts Manager is clear and concise. It effectively explains the process of making a deposit and highlights the unique treatment of customers at Nevada Savings and Loan.

          - The use of deposit slips as a plot device is interesting and adds tension to the story. It creates a sense of mystery and intrigue, especially when Frank discovers the account number printed on the bottom of the slips.

          - The exposition given by Joe Shaye in the FBI Offices effectively explains the concept of "The Switch" and provides important information about the bank robbery. However, the dialogue could be slightly improved to make it more engaging and dynamic.

          - The introduction of the Skywayman subplot adds an additional layer of complexity to the story. It creates anticipation for future events and raises questions about Frank's involvement in the larger scheme.

          Overall, the scene effectively advances the plot and character development. The dialogue is clear and concise, and the use of visual elements (such as the deposit slips) adds interest and intrigue. The introduction of the Skywayman subplot adds an additional layer of complexity to the story.
          Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Clarify the location: Scene numbers are helpful, but it would be even better to give a brief description of the location at the beginning of each scene. For example, "INT. - WALDORF ASTORIA HOTEL - ROOM 93" instead of just "INT. - WALDORF ASTORIA HOTEL. - ROOM 93".

          2. Show emotional reaction: Instead of just stating that Frank slowly hangs up the phone, consider adding a line or two to show his emotional state. This could be done through dialogue or action, such as Frank taking a deep breath or rubbing his forehead.

          3. Provide more information: In the dialogue between Frank and the new accounts manager, it would be helpful to include more details about the situation. For example, why is Frank opening a new account? Is there any discussion about the purpose of the account or any specific instructions?

          4. Show visual cues: In scene 95, consider adding some visual cues to show the significance of the deposit slips. For example, you could describe Frank's reaction as he realizes the account number is printed on the slip, or show him counting the number of slips he has collected.

          5. Add conflict or tension: The scenes with Joe Shaye and the FBI agents could benefit from adding some conflict or tension. This could be done through disagreements or differing opinions among the agents, or by introducing obstacles that they need to overcome to solve the case.

          6. Create more intrigue: In scene 98, consider adding more mystery or intrigue surrounding the Skywayman character. You could provide more information about the crimes he has committed or the impact he has had, which would help to build anticipation and curiosity.

          Overall, focus on making the scenes more engaging and compelling by adding emotional depth, clear visuals, conflict, and intrigue.



          Scene 21 -  The Encounter
          99 INT. - MOVIE THEATER. - NIGHT 99

          Frank is sitting in a movie theater watching GOLDFINGER, his
          eyes glued to the screen. He's eating a box of popcorn, a
          big smile on his face as he stares up at SEAN CONNERY.

          100 INT_ - CLOTHING STORE. - DAY 100
          Frank is wearing a three button black suit with a sweater
          vest and narrow black tie. He's looking at himself in a full
          length mirror, with a SALESMAN standing behind him.

          FRANK
          And you're sure this is the suit?

          SALESMAN
          Positive. That'.s the same.one he
          wore in the movie.

          FRANK
          Okay. I'll take three.

          S SMAN
          Now all you a is one of those
          little Fore gny-�ts cars he drives.

          101
          The lab is packed with AGENT re searching for a
          fingerprint match. Joe Shaye i s head from a microscope,
          rubs his eyes.

          FOX
          Joe, I got something!
          Joe rushes over to Agent Fox, who is holding up TWO SETS OF

          FINGERPRINTS.

          FOX (CONT'D)
          I was looking through the wanted
          criminal file, and there it was!
          Look at that!
          Joe takes the file from Fox and opens it.

          JOE SHAYE
          The Skywayman. Holy shit, a perfect
          match.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          66.

          101 CONTINUED: 101

          AMDURSKY
          They describe The Skywayman as a
          thirty-year-old -- dark hair --six-
          feet -- same fucking guy!

          JOE SHAYE
          It doesn't make any sense. A thirty-
          year-old has to register for the
          draft, which means his prints have
          to be here.

          FOX
          Maybe there's a reason he didn't
          register. He could have a wooden leg
          for all we know. Maybe he was born
          in Peru and he's not an American

          CITIZEN-

          JOE SHAYE
          Maybe he's not thirty. Somebody call
          New York, get a list of juvenile
          runaways from the NYPD.
          102 EXT. - PAULA ABAGNALE'S HOME. `e_ VMIGL ISLAND. -
          MORNING 102
          TEN FBI AGENTS have surrounded a 4 /STORY HOME IN LONG
          ISLAND. Joe Shaye, wearing a black hat and black overcoat,
          is knocking on the door with Amdursky and Fox. Paula answers
          with a cigarette in her hand.
          JOE SHAYE
          Good morning, ma'am, we're the FBI
          Agents who called.

          PAULA
          Yes. I've been waiting. I hope you're
          all hungry. I made biscuits-

          103 INT. - PAULA'S HOME. - LONG ISLAND. - MORNING 103

          Paula sits on the living room couch pouring three cups of
          coffee. There is a tray of BISCUITS on the table in front of
          her.

          PAULA
          My husband is a lawyer.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          67.

          103 CONTINUED: 103
          Paula motions to a FRAMED PICTURE of Jack Wright.
          PAULA (cont' d)
          He advised me not to speak to you.
          So I'd appreciate it if you didn't
          mention this to him.

          JOE SHAYE
          Of course, Ma'am. Do you have a
          current address for your ex-husband,
          Frank Abagnale?

          PAULA
          No. He moves around a lot these days.
          How are those biscuits?

          AMDURS KY
          Very good.

          JOE SHAYE
          Ma'am, you filed a police report
          last year for a juvenile runaway
          named Frank Ana1e, Jr.

          PAULA
          He's forging checks? That's why you're
          here?

          (LAUGHING)
          Half the kids his age are on dope,
          throwing rocks at police, and you're
          scaring me to death because my son
          is forging checks?

          JOE SHAYE
          What he's doing is a federal offense.

          PAULA (CONT'D)
          A young boy has to eat, has to have
          a place to sleep. What do you want
          him to do? His father can't help
          him.
          Paula gets off the couch and grabs her purse.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -'




          68.

          103 CONTINUED: (2) 103

          PAULA (CONT'D)
          I'm working part-time now at the
          Church. Just tell me how much he
          owes and I'll pay you back.
          Paula takes out her CHECKBOOK.

          JOE SHAYE
          So far it's about two million dollars.
          Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

          Summary Joe Shaye, an FBI agent, investigates a suspect in a hotel room but is interrupted by Frank, who claims to be Secret Service. Joe is initially suspicious but eventually lets Frank go. Frank calls Joe later to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths
          • Engaging dialogue
          • Intriguing conflict
          • Well-developed characters
          Weaknesses
          • Lack of significant emotional impact

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 7

          The scene is well-written and moves the story forward by introducing a conflicting encounter between Joe and Frank


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of an FBI agent encountering someone who claims to be Secret Service adds intrigue and conflict to the scene

          Plot: 7

          The plot of the scene revolves around Joe's investigation of a suspect and his unexpected encounter with Frank

          Originality: 3

          There is a lack of originality in this scene. The situations and dialogue are fairly standard for a crime/mystery genre.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          The characters of Joe and Frank are well-developed and their interaction adds depth to the scene

          Character Changes: 5

          There aren't significant character changes in this scene

          Internal Goal: 0

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not clearly defined.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information on The Skywayman and locate Frank Abagnale.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          The conflict between Joe and Frank creates tension and keeps the audience engaged

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are obstacles and challenges presented to the protagonist, they do not create high stakes or a sense of uncertainty.

          High Stakes: 6

          The stakes are moderate as Joe tries to uncover the truth about Frank's claims

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new plot element and deepening the conflict

          Unpredictability: 5

          This scene has some level of unpredictability because the revelation of the fingerprint match adds a new element to the investigation.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene elicits both suspense and humor, but doesn't have a significant emotional impact

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue between Joe and Frank is engaging and reveals their personalities and motives

          Engagement: 8

          This scene is engaging because it introduces new information and raises questions about the protagonist and the investigation.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene is fast and keeps the audience engaged with quick dialogue exchanges and new information.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with correct use of scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

          Structure: 9

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action lines.


          Critique Overall, this scene could use some improvement. Here are some specific points to consider:

          1. Lack of clarity: The scene jumps abruptly between different locations and characters without clear transitions. It can be confusing for the reader to follow.

          2. Lack of visual description: The writing mainly focuses on dialogue, but there is little description of the characters' actions, reactions, or physical appearance. Adding more visual details can help bring the scene to life.

          3. Lack of character development: The characters in this scene do not have distinct personalities or clear motivations. Adding more depth to their interactions and giving them unique voices can make the scene more engaging.

          4. Excessive dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is quite lengthy, and it becomes difficult to differentiate between characters. Consider breaking up the dialogue and adding more action to keep the scene visually interesting.

          5. Lack of conflict: The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension that would propel the story forward. Adding some obstacles or opposing goals for the characters can make the scene more engaging.

          6. Lack of structure: The scene feels disjointed and lacks a clear narrative structure. Consider structuring the scene to have a clear beginning, middle, and end, with a clear purpose or outcome.

          Overall, this scene could benefit from more clarity, visual description, character development, conflict, and structure.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Clarify the location and time for each scene by adding a slugline before each scene description. For example, Scene 99 should be written as "INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT", Scene 100 as "INT. CLOTHING STORE - DAY", and so on. This helps the reader understand where the action takes place and when it happens.

          2. Consider adding more specific details about Frank's reaction while watching the movie in Scene 99. Instead of just saying "a big smile on his face," describe his emotions or gestures that show his excitement or enjoyment. This can make the scene more engaging.

          3. Break down the dialogue into smaller paragraphs to make it easier to read and follow. Each character's dialogue should have its own separate paragraph.

          4. Add more character descriptions to help the reader visualize the characters. For example, describe the appearance of the salesman in Scene 100 to give a better sense of his personality or style. This can make the scene more vivid and interesting.

          5. Provide more visual details and actions in Scene 101 to make the scene more dynamic. Instead of just stating that the agents are searching for a fingerprint match, describe their actions or interactions with the equipment in the lab. This can add visual interest and make the scene more visually engaging.

          6. Consider adding subtext or nuance to the dialogue in Scene 103. Paula's reactions and emotions can be emphasized to show her conflicting feelings about her son's actions. This can add depth to her character and make her more relatable to the audience.

          Overall, focus on adding more visual details, specific character descriptions, and engaging actions to make the scene more visually interesting and emotionally impactful.



          Scene 22 -  Undercover Investigation
          104 INT. - DALLAS BANK - DALLAS. - DAY 104

          LUCY, one of the BANK TELLERS we met earlier, sits in her
          office. Joe Shaye and the other agents open up the BUCKLEY
          SCHOOL HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK. On a page marked, SOPHOMORES,
          Joe points to tiny black and white picture of Frank wearing
          a coat and tie.

          LUCY
          Yes, Sir, that's him. But I didn't
          know he was sixteen! I swear to God
          I didn't know!
          Joe gets out of the cy , -61oses the door on Lucy and smiles
          at Amdursky and Fox.
          We got him.
          105 EXT. - JFK AIRPORT. - DAY v til "_ 105
          Frank is wearing his James Bond s1'/as she pulls up to the
          airport in a German sports car. He parks the car and jumps
          out of the convertible, leaving the keys in the ignition.

          106 INT. - JFK AIRPORT. - DAY 106

          Frank is walking through the airport, eyeing several
          UNIFORMED
          COPS who are scattered throughout the terminal, all holding
          the yearbook picture of FRANK. Frank sees FOUR UNDERCOVER
          COPS walking toward him, then sees TWO DETECTIVES checking
          the identification of a PAN AM PILOT.
          Frank nervously steps into the NEWSSTAND, hides behind a
          magazine rack as he slowly reaches up and takes off his
          Pilot's cap and sunglasses.

          FRANK (V.O.)
          Dear Dad. I'm no longer an airline
          pilot for Pan Am. I'm now an FBI
          Agent working undercover for the

          (MORE)

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          69.

          106 CONTINUED: 106
          FRANK (V.O.) (cont'd)
          United States government. How are
          you? Please get in touch with Joanna
          Carlson at Monroe High School, and
          tell her that I won't be able to go
          to the Junior Prom with her.
          Frank is staring at the cover of PLAYBOY MAGAZINE. He smiles
          as he reads the headline: RIVER BEND -- THE BEST SINGLES

          COMPLEX IN AMERICA

          107 EXT. - RIVER BEND APARTMENT COMPLEX. - ATLANTA. - DAY
          107


          SUPER: ATLANTA, GEORGIA AUGUST 1964
          A sprawling APARTMENT COMPLEX that lines a picturesque golf
          course. There are two swimming pools, tennis courts, but
          most of all -- WOMEN. Everywhere you look, there are women
          walking the grounds, swimming, playing tennis.
          Frank is carrying the MICKER BANK MACHINE into his
          apartment,
          passing TWO WOMEN in bikinis.

          FRANK \1� (0)
          This is a micker encodifi achine.
          It's what banks use to print numbers
          on checks. I collect them.

          WOMAN #2
          Very cool. Where's the party tonight?

          FRANK
          I'm doing fondue at my place.

          108 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - NIGHT 108


          CLOSE ON
          A bubbling FONDUE POT with skewers lining the rim. The
          apartment is packed with men and women who are drinking,
          smoking pot, and eating fondue.

          R.B.WOMAN #1
          Frank, this is great fondue.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -
          70.

          108 CONTINUED: 108

          FRANK
          Thanks. Did you see my new phonograph
          system? It's reel-to-reel, the best
          sound system you can buy.
          Frank motions to the phonograph system in the living room,
          with giant speakers against the walls.

          R.B. WOMAN #2
          I still want to see that bedroom of
          yours. I hear you have thirty suits.

          FRANK
          Thirty-one. Come on, everyone, I'll
          show you my closet!

          109 INT. - FRANK'S BEDROOM. - NIGHT 109

          Frank is standing in front of the master walk-in closet. His
          bed is round, -and there are mirrors on the ceiling.

          FRANK
          Okay, you guyeady?
          Frank throws open his"c doors, revealing FOUR ROWS of
          SUITS, all different st all arranged by color.

          R. B. 0#1
          Whoa, look all tho

          �1�
          FRANK � no
          Some of those Manhattan le suits
          were three hundred dollars. And those
          shoes are Stacy-Adams slip-ons.

          R.B. MAN #2
          I didn't know the FBI .paid so well.
          A drunk WOMEN comes running into the bedroom.

          R.B. WOMAN #3
          Come quick. Lance just fell into the
          conversation pit.

          110 INT. - MARIETTA GENERAL HOSPITAL. - ATLANTA. - NIGHT 110

          Frank walks through the hospital, looking into rooms,
          smiling
          at patients. He walks toward a RECEPTION DESK, sees a YOUNG
          DOCTOR yelling at BRENDA STRONG, 17, a thin, awkward looking
          candy striper with her hair in a bun and braces on her
          bottom
          teeth.

          (CONTINUED)
          nohhic 7mno - s




          71.

          110 CONTINUED: 110

          YOUNG DOCTOR
          These bottles need to be labeled
          when you pick them up. Do you realize
          what would happen if they got mixed
          up -- do you understand how dangerous
          this is? Don't stand there crying,
          just nod your head and tell me you
          won't do it again!
          Brenda nods her head, quickly walks away from the Doctor and
          sits behind the RECEPTION DESK. She buries her head and
          starts
          to write a letter, her body still sobbing as Frank walks up
          to her.

          FRANK
          Are you okay?
          Brenda looks up at Frank, her eyes and nose puffy from
          crying.
          She covers her mouth when she talks.

          BRENDA
          i He told me to ck up the blood, so
          I did. He nev told me to label it.
          Brenda.

          FRANK
          Brenda, I wouldn't worr-out it.
          These Doctors don't know everything.

          BRENDA
          It's my first week. I think they'.re
          going to fire me.
          FRANK
          No. Nobody will fire you. I'll bet
          you're good at your job.

          BRENDA
          No, I'm not.

          FRANK
          I'll bet if I asked you to check the
          status of my friend, Lance Applebaum,
          you could do that in a second. He
          hurt his foot tonight.
          Brenda grabs a chart, starts to read it out loud.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - f




          72.

          110 CONTINUED: (2) 110

          BRENDA
          Mr. Applebaum fractured his ankle.
          Doctor Ashland is treating him in
          exam seven.

          FRANK
          See that. No problem.
          Brenda smiles, covering her mouth.

          BRENDA
          This is the emergency chart. See the
          blue star, that means the patient
          has been diagnosed. After he's
          treated, we put a red circle here.

          FRANK
          How do you like those braces?
          Brenda looks embarrassed as she stares at Frank.

          BRENDA
          I guess they',okay.
          FRANK
          Mine were bottoms. I h 'e(E hhem. I
          still have my mouth qua

          BRENDA
          You have really nice teeth.

          FRANK
          And you have a pretty smile.
          Brenda tries not to smile, shaking her head and covering her
          face.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          I'm serious. I think those braces
          look really good on you.
          Brenda starts to blush as she continues to write her letter.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          What are you writing?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          73.

          110 CONTINUED: (3) 110

          BRENDA
          A letter to Ringo.

          FRANK
          What does it say?

          BRENDA
          I can't tell you. I'm embarrassed.

          FRANK
          Come on. What does it say?

          BRENDA
          It says I love him. Pretty stupid,
          right. Ringo Starr is never going to
          read my letter.
          Frank stares at Brenda, starts to smile as she puts her
          letter
          in a drawer.

          FRANK
          Brenda, do you know if they're hiring
          here at the h ital?

          C O

          111 INT. - JOHN GRANGER'S OFFICE. - TAL. - DAY.

          Frank is sitting across from JOHN GRANGER, 60's, the
          HOSPITAL
          ADMINISTRATOR, who is reading over a RESUME.

          GRANGER
          Harvard Medical School, top of your
          class, Children's Hospital of Los
          Angeles, Peace Corps volunteer in
          North Africa. A pretty impressive
          resume, Doctor Connors? Why do you
          want to work here?

          FRANK
          I came to Atlanta to relax, to get
          away from my practice for a year.
          But to be honest, I'm a little bored
          out at River Bend.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          74.

          111 CONTINUED: ILL

          GRANGER
          Unfortunately, the only thing I need
          is an emergency room supervisor for
          my midnight to eight shift, someone
          to baby-sit six interns and thirty
          nurses. But I doubt you'd be
          interested in that.
          FRANK
          Would I get to pick my own nurses?
          Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

          Summary Joe Shaye, an FBI agent, investigates a suspect in a motel. He is intrigued by a guest who has been writing bounced checks. Joe instructs his colleagues, Amdursky and Fox, to stay at the motel while he goes to investigate further. He walks past flight attendants by the pool and heads to the suspect's room. However, he is interrupted by Frank, who claims to be Secret Service. Joe is initially suspicious, but eventually lets Frank go. Frank later calls Joe to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths "Engaging dialogue, introduction of intriguing character, balancing suspense and humor"
          Weaknesses "Lack of strong emotional impact, moderate stakes"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 7

          The scene effectively advances the plot by introducing a new twist and setting up future interactions between Joe and Frank. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of an undercover investigation and the introduction of a mysterious character add intrigue to the scene. The use of humor balances the tension.

          Plot: 8

          The plot progresses as Joe investigates the suspect at the motel and becomes intrigued by the bounced checks. The encounter with Frank adds a new layer of mystery.

          Originality: 6

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While it includes elements of undercover agents and suspenseful situations, the specific situations and dialogue feel fresh and unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 7

          The characters, particularly Joe, Amdursky, Fox, and Frank, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations.

          Character Changes: 6

          There is a minor character change in Joe as he becomes intrigued by the bounced checks and decides to investigate further.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully carry out his undercover operations without getting caught. This reflects his need for excitement and adventure, as well as his desire to prove himself as an FBI agent after leaving his previous job as an airline pilot.

          External Goal: 9

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evade detection by the police and continue his life undercover. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces of being hunted by law enforcement while trying to maintain his cover.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 7

          The conflict arises from Joe's investigation and his encounter with Frank, who claims to be Secret Service. There is tension and suspicion in their interactions.

          Opposition: 8

          The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces the threat of being caught by the police and the challenge of maintaining his cover. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles, which adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

          High Stakes: 6

          The stakes are moderate in this scene, with potential consequences for the suspect and the investigation.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing new information about the suspect and setting up future interactions between Joe and Frank.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected challenges and obstacles for the protagonist, such as police officers and the threat of being caught. The audience is kept in suspense as they wonder how the protagonist will successfully evade detection.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene elicits curiosity and intrigue, but does not have a strong emotional impact.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue is engaging, with humorous moments and meaningful exchanges between the characters that reveal their backstories and motives.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it keeps the audience on the edge of their seat with its fast-paced dialogue, suspenseful situations, and visual descriptions. The reader is drawn into the world of the protagonist and is eager to see how he navigates his undercover life.

          Pacing: 9

          The pacing of the scene is fast and dynamic, with quick scene changes and a sense of urgency. This contributes to the effectiveness of the scene by keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's story.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 8

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of scene headings, action lines, dialogue, and transitions. The writer effectively uses formatting to convey the fast-paced nature of the scene and the quick scene changes.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and proper formatting of character names and dialogue. The use of different locations and quick scene changes adds to the dynamic structure of the scene.


          Critique First, the scene starts off with some confusion in terms of formatting. The scene heading "104 INT. - DALLAS BANK - DALLAS. - DAY 104" should have the location and time on the same line. It should also be capitalized properly as "INT. - DALLAS BANK - DAY".

          Second, the dialogue is a bit heavy-handed and could benefit from more natural and nuanced language. For example, instead of Lucy saying "I swear to God I didn't know!", it could be more effective to have her express her surprise and innocence in a more subtle way.

          Third, the transitions between scenes could be smoother. For example, the transition from the bank scene to the JFK airport scene could be clarified by mentioning that Lucy's revelation leads to the agents deciding to go after Frank at the airport.

          Fourth, the scene descriptions could be more concise and focused. Some of the details about Frank's surroundings in the airport can be streamlined to make the pacing of the scene more efficient. Additionally, the use of voiceover in the airport scene could be clearer in terms of who is speaking and how it connects to the main story.

          Fifth, the scene at the River Bend apartment complex could benefit from clearer context and character development. It would be helpful to establish why Frank is at this location and how it connects to the overall story. Additionally, the dialogue in this scene could be more natural and less expository.

          Finally, the scenes at Frank's apartment and the hospital could use more visual storytelling to enhance the impact of the dialogue. Including specific actions, reactions, and visual details can help bring the scenes to life and make them more engaging for the audience.

          Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some revisions to improve clarity, pacing, and character development.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Add more description: In the first paragraph, provide more details about Lucy's office, such as what it looks like and how she is sitting. This will help set the tone and mood of the scene.

          2. Clarify character identities: Make it clear who Joe Shaye and the other agents are. Are they FBI agents? Use their titles or descriptions to establish their roles.

          3. Develop Lucy's reaction: Instead of just having Lucy say "Yes, Sir, that's him," consider adding more emotion and reaction to her response. Show her surprise or shock at finding out Frank's age.

          4. Show Joe's reaction: After Lucy's confession and Joe's realization that they have found Frank, show his excitement or satisfaction more clearly. Maybe have him laugh or have a triumphant expression.

          5. Enhance Frank's actions: In the airport scene, describe Frank's body language and facial expressions as he sees the undercover cops and detectives. Show his nervousness or anxiety.

          6. Clarify Frank's thoughts: Instead of having Frank's thoughts as voice-over, consider having him mutter to himself or make expressions that convey his thoughts.

          7. Add visual details: In the apartment scene, describe the decor, colors, and atmosphere in more detail. Make it more visually appealing and immersive.

          8. Add dialogue tags: Use dialogue tags to indicate who is speaking, especially in scenes with multiple characters.

          9. Develop Brenda's character: Show more of Brenda's personality and struggles. Make her more relatable and sympathetic.

          10. Add more conflict: In John Granger's office, add some tension or conflict to make the scene more engaging. Make it clear why Frank wants to work at the hospital and highlight the challenges he may face.

          Overall, focus on enhancing the visuals, emotions, and character development to make the scene more dynamic and engaging for the reader.



          Scene 23 -  Frank's Secret Identity
          112 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - RIVER BEND. - NIGHT 112

          Twenty people are partying in the living room.

          113 INT. - FRANK'S BEDROOM. 113

          Frank is lying on his bed making a phony MEDICAL SCHOOL
          DIPLOMA. He's using a HARVARD BROCHURE to guide him as he
          carefully places the STICK-ON letters on the aged paper. A
          WOMAN walks into the bedroom.



          114 INT. - CONFERENCE ROOM. - DAB ^ 114

          Frank is sitting in front of DO GER and FIVE DOCTORS,
          all of whom are looking over FRAM ' FILE, which consists of
          the fake HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL DIPLOMA -- fake letters of
          recommendation from CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL OF LOS ANGELES, and
          a fake CALIFORNIA MEDICAL LICENSE.

          DOCTOR GRANGER
          Doctor Connors, here is your temporary
          license, which allows you to practice
          medicine in the state of Georgia for
          up to one year. And now let me be
          the first to say, welcome to Marietta
          General.

          115 EXT. - HOSPITAL. - NIGHT 115

          Frank is standing in front of the thirty CANDY STRIPERS,
          NURSES and INTERNS who will be working under him during the
          night shift. He wears Doctor's whites, holds a clipboard as
          he takes roll.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5-




          75.
          115 CONTINUED: 115

          FRANK
          Brenda Strong?
          He smiles at Brenda, who covers her mouth as she smiles
          back.

          BRENDA
          Here.

          FRANK
          Doctor Paul Ashland.

          DOCTOR ASHLAND
          Sir... will you be taking role every
          night?

          FRANK
          Yes. And if you're going to be late,
          I suggest you bring a note.

          116 INT. - HOSPITAL CORRIDOR. - NIGHT 116

          Frank walks down along hospital corridor holding his
          clipboard, passing sever"',, NURSES in the hall.

          V

          (FLIRTING
          Good evening, tJr Connors.

          FRANK
          Button your shirt, M
          can see you bra strap. i is s a
          hospital, not a sororit

          117 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - NIGHT.

          ON A BLACK AND WHITE TV, DR. KILDARE approaches a hospital
          bed.

          DR. KILDARE (ON TV)
          Any change in the patient, Doctor
          Marks?

          DOCTOR MARKS (ON TV)
          Doctor Kildare, I think we should
          try the shock therapy before it's
          too late.
          Frank sits alone in his apartment eating popcorn and
          watching
          DR. KILDARE on TV.

          DOCTOR KILDARE (ON TV)
          Doctor White, do you concur?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          76.

          117 CONTINUED: 117

          DOCTOR WHITE (ON TV)
          Yes. I concur.
          Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

          Summary Frank, who claims to be Secret Service, interrupts FBI agent Joe Shaye's investigation in a motel room. Though suspicious at first, Joe eventually lets Frank go. Frank later calls Joe to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths "Suspenseful tone, intriguing plot developments, engaging dialogue"
          Weaknesses "Limited character development, minimal emotional impact"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene is well-written, with intriguing plot developments and good dialogue.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of an FBI agent being interrupted by someone claiming to be Secret Service adds tension and raises questions about the character's true motives.

          Plot: 8

          The plot progresses as Joe's investigation is interrupted by Frank, adding new layers to the story.

          Originality: 2

          The level of originality in this scene is low. The situations are not unique or fresh, as the concept of someone faking their qualifications to become a doctor has been portrayed before. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is questionable, as the scene relies on clichés and stereotypes.


          Character Development

          Characters: 6

          Joe and Frank are both interesting characters, but their development is limited in this scene.

          Character Changes: 4

          There is limited character change in this scene.

          Internal Goal: 7

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully fake his medical qualifications and obtain a temporary medical license. This reflects his desire to achieve success and recognition in the medical field, despite not having the necessary qualifications.

          External Goal: 8

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to become a doctor and start working at Marietta General hospital. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing to achieve his desired career.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          There is a high level of conflict as Joe is suspicious of Frank's claim and must decide whether to let him go or investigate further.

          Opposition: 5

          The opposition in this scene is minimal. While there is some pushback from the doctors during the conference room scene, it is quickly resolved, and the overall outcome is predictable.

          High Stakes: 7

          The stakes are raised as Joe must decide whether to trust Frank and potentially jeopardize his investigation.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing the character of Frank and raising questions about his true motives.

          Unpredictability: 3

          This scene is not particularly unpredictable as it follows a predictable storyline of a character faking qualifications to achieve a desired career.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene creates suspense and intrigue, but does not have a strong emotional impact.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue between Joe and Frank is engaging and moves the scene forward.

          Engagement: 6

          This scene is engaging because it introduces a conflict and raises questions about the protagonist's abilities and ethics. However, the lack of suspense or tension limits its overall engagement.

          Pacing: 7

          The pacing of this scene is effective in maintaining the flow of the story. It moves at a steady pace, alternating between different locations and interactions.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 8

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper scene descriptions, character names in all caps, and dialogue formatted correctly with character names centered above the dialogue.

          Structure: 7

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, concise action lines, and dialogue that advances the plot and reveals character.


          Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively establishes the setting and characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

          1. Description: The description of the scene could be more specific and vivid to help the reader visualize the setting and characters. For example, instead of simply stating "Frank is lying on his bed," you could describe his posture, facial expression, or any props that he is using.

          2. Pacing: The scene could benefit from some more dynamic pacing. It feels a bit static, with a lot of characters in a room talking. Consider adding some movement or action to break up the dialogue and make the scene more visually interesting.

          3. Dialogue: The dialogue is generally clear and conveys the necessary information, but there are a few moments that could be improved. In the exchange between Frank and Doctor Ashland, the line about taking roll every night feels repetitive and could be trimmed. Additionally, the banter between Frank and the nurse in the corridor could be more engaging and witty.

          4. Visual cues: The scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the reader's understanding of the characters and their environment. For example, instead of simply stating that Frank is wearing Doctor's whites and holding a clipboard, you could mention how he carries himself or any mannerisms that indicate his authority.

          Overall, the scene sets up the premise effectively and introduces the main character and their situation. With a few adjustments to description, pacing, dialogue, and visual cues, it can be made even more engaging and visually compelling.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

          1. Provide more specific and concise descriptions: Rather than stating "Twenty people are partying in the living room," give a clearer and more impactful description of the party scene. For example, "The living room is filled with lively music, dancing bodies, and colorful decorations as twenty guests celebrate with laughter and drinks."

          2. Add more character development: Include a brief description or action for the WOMAN who walks into Frank's bedroom. This will help establish her relationship with Frank and create a more dynamic interaction between the characters.

          3. Clarify the stakes and tension in the conference room scene: As Frank sits in front of DOGER and FIVE DOCTORS, it's important to emphasize the high stakes and tension in this moment. Show the doctors scrutinizing Frank's fake documents, displaying skepticism or suspicion. This will heighten the tension and make the resolution of receiving the temporary license more rewarding.

          4. Make the roll-call scene more engaging: Increase the dialogue and interaction between Frank and the nurses and interns during roll-call. Consider incorporating humor, banter, or unique character traits to make the scene more engaging and memorable.

          5. Introduce conflict or obstacles: To make the hospital corridor scene more interesting, introduce some conflict or obstacles for Frank. It could be a difficult patient, a demanding superior, or an unexpected situation that forces Frank to think on his feet and showcase his skills as a doctor.

          6. Enhance the TV scene: Instead of just showing Dr. Kildare on TV, make it more relevant to Frank's journey. Consider having the TV scene reflect the dilemmas or challenges that Frank is currently facing, which could provide insight into his character or foreshadow future events in the story.

          Overall, focus on creating stronger character dynamics, increasing tension and conflict, and making each scene more visually and emotionally engaging.



          Scene 24 - 
          118 EXT. - FRANK'S OFFICE. - HOSPITAL. - NIGHT. 118

          The name on the office door reads FRANK CONNORS, M.D.. Frank
          sits at his desk in front of a brand new IBM ELECTRIC
          TYPEWRITER. He is making COUNTERFEIT CHECKS for himself as
          Brenda walks in holding a clipboard.

          BRENDA
          Doctor Connors, you need to sign
          these.
          Brenda walks in and hands him the clipboard. Frank starts to
          scribble on the charts, the way Doctor's scribble out
          prescriptions.

          BRENDA (CONT'D)
          Do you notice anything different
          about me, Doctor Connors?

          F
          You got your �e ff! Let me see.
          Frank moves toward her, st dkA her bottom teeth.

          BRENDA
          I kept trying to show '4 ) l night.

          FRANK
          Did it hurt when they took them off?
          Mine felt so weird after.
          BRENDA'
          I keep rubbing my tongue over them.
          I can't stop. It's so slippery.

          FRANK
          It feels good, doesn't it?

          BRENDA
          Yes_ It feels incredible.
          Frank leans toward Brenda, gently starts to kiss her. As the
          passion increases WE HEAR the HOSPITAL P.A. SYSTEM.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          77.

          118 CONTINUED: 118

          P.A. OPERATOR
          Doctor Connors, please come to
          Emergency. Doctor Connors to
          Emergency.
          Frank continues to kiss Brenda.

          BRENDA
          Shouldn't you go?

          FRANK
          There's a staff Doctor in the
          emergency ward.

          BRENDA
          What if he's in surgery?

          FRANK
          Do you really think I have to go?

          119 INT. - HOSPITAL ELEVATOR. - DAY 119

          Frank nervously paces i d,� he elevator, taking deep
          breaths
          as he tries to calm d
          120
          The elevator doors open, a3W Pr slowly walks into the
          EMERGENCY WARD, where Nurses rushing toward a closed
          curtain.

          EMERGENCY N
          In here, Doctor Connors.
          Frank walks toward a closed curtain, stands in front of a
          bed and forces himself to look-'He sees a blood splattered
          sheet and three young INTERNS standing over the leg of an

          ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD BOY.

          FRANK
          Well, what do we have here?

          DOCTOR ASHLAND
          Bicycle accident. A fracture of the
          tibia, about five inches below the
          patella.
          Frank stares at the boy's face, trying not to look at the
          open wound.

          FRANK
          Doctor Hollis, do you concur?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          78.

          120 CONTINUED: 120

          DOCTOR HOLLIS
          Concur with what, Sir?

          FRANK
          What Doctor Ashland just said.

          DOCTOR HOLLIS

          (CONFUSED)
          Well, it was a bicycle accident. The
          boy told us.
          FRANK
          So you concur?

          DOCTOR HOLLIS"
          Well, I'm not sure we can...

          DOCTOR ASHLAND
          I think we should take an x-ray,
          then stitch him up and put him in a
          walking cast.

          K
          Very good, cb?6r Ashland. You don't
          seem to hav Tm4x a ed for me. Carry
          on.

          DOCTOR HO
          I blew it, didn't I? Wh idn't I
          concur? I panicked!

          I

          121 INT. - HOSPITAL MEN'S ROOM. - NIGHT. 121

          Frank walks into the MEN'S ROOM, steps into an empty stall
          and immediately starts to throw up.

          122 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - RIVER BEND. - NIGHT 122

          Frank is writing a letter at his electric typewriter. He
          pulls it out and reads it over, then takes out a pen and
          signs the name RINGO STARR.

          123 INT. - HOSPITAL. - NIGHT 123

          Brenda is running through the halls holding the letter.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          79.

          123 CONTINUED: 123
          BRENDA
          He wrote me back. Ringo wrote me
          back! Doctor Connors, come quick! I
          got a letter from Ringo Starr, he
          signed his name and said I was his
          biggest fan!
          Genres: []

          Summary
          Strengths ""
          Weaknesses ""

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 0


          Story Content

          Concept: 0

          Plot: 0

          Originality: 4

          The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. While the setting of a hospital and the interactions between doctors and nurses are familiar, there are no unique situations or fresh approaches that make it stand out. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is realistic and believable.


          Character Development

          Characters: 0

          Character Changes: 0

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and professionalism in the face of a potential crisis. It reflects his need to be seen as competent and in control.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to determine the best course of action for the injured boy. It reflects the immediate challenge of providing medical care and making decisions.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 0

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is a potential crisis, it is not an overwhelming obstacle and the audience is not left completely uncertain about the outcome.

          High Stakes: 0

          Story Forward: 0

          Unpredictability: 5

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces a potential crisis and leaves the audience uncertain about the outcome.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is not a clear philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 0

          Dialogue: 0

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents a potential medical crisis and the protagonist's response to it, creating suspense and tension for the audience.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene is effective in creating tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and the actions of the characters contribute to this.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 8

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with correct punctuation, capitalization, and scene breaks.

          Structure: 7

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue.


          Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique the following scene as follows:

          1. Formatting: The scene is correctly formatted with the proper use of scene headings and action lines.

          2. Clarity: The scene is generally clear and easy to understand. The actions and dialogue are clear and concise.

          3. Characterization: The characters of Frank and Brenda are introduced effectively through their actions and dialogue. Frank is shown as a doctor who is involved in illegal activities, while Brenda is shown as an enthusiastic fan of Ringo Starr.

          4. Dialogue: The dialogue between Frank and Brenda feels natural and helps establish their relationship. The conversation about Brenda's missing teeth and the subsequent kiss adds depth to their connection.

          5. Conflict: The conflict in the scene is introduced when the hospital P.A. system calls Frank to the emergency ward. This creates tension as Frank decides to stay with Brenda instead. This conflict helps drive the story forward.

          6. Emotional Impact: The emotions of the characters are effectively conveyed through their dialogue and actions. Frank's nervous pacing in the elevator and Brenda's excitement about the letter from Ringo Starr add depth to their characters.

          7. Overall Effectiveness: The scene effectively sets up the characters and conflict, creating intrigue and leaving the audience curious about what will happen next.

          In conclusion, the scene is well-written with clear dialogue, effective characterization, and a conflict that drives the story forward.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Clarify the character names and their roles: In the scene description, it is unclear who Brenda is. It would be beneficial to introduce her as a nurse or a receptionist, clarifying her role in the hospital. Similarly, the character Frank should be introduced as a doctor.

          2. Show the setting more vividly: Instead of just stating that the scene takes place in Frank's office, provide more specific details about the office. For example, describe the size, layout, and any distinguishing features or decorations. This will help set the scene and make it more visually interesting.

          3. Add more action and visual details: The scene currently relies heavily on dialogue, but it could benefit from more visual elements. Consider adding gestures, movements, or facial expressions to show the characters' emotions and reactions. This will make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

          4. Clarify character motivations: It is unclear why Frank is making counterfeit checks for himself. Consider providing additional context or backstory to explain his actions. This will make his character more complex and interesting.

          5. Increase tension and conflict: The scene between Frank and Brenda lacks tension or conflict. To make it more compelling, consider adding obstacles or complications that prevent them from freely expressing their feelings. This could create a more engaging dynamic between the characters.

          6. Consider the pacing: The scene currently jumps abruptly from Frank and Brenda's conversation to Frank entering the elevator. Consider adding a transitional moment or a natural progression of events to smooth out the transition and improve the flow of the scene.

          By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the scene and make it more engaging and visually appealing for readers and viewers.



          Scene 25 -  Interruption
          124 INT. - HOSPITAL CAFETERIA. - NIGHT 124

          Frank is sitting across from Brenda in the cafeteria.

          BRENDA
          I bought you a present.
          Brenda hands him wrapped present.

          BRENDA (CONT'D)
          Open it.
          Frank quickly opens the box, takes out a TINY GOLD DOCTOR'S

          CADECUS.

          (CONT'D)
          doctors wearing r
          left yours back
          ld plated.

          BRENDA
          Now when you're walki nd the
          hospital, you'll feel l"the real
          thing.
          She pins the Cadecus on his lapel, and Frank can't help but
          smile.

          FRANK
          Brenda, I want to go away with you.
          I'll take you anywhere you want to
          go.

          BRENDA
          I haven't really been anywhere.

          FRANK
          Just name the place, and we can go.
          Africa, Egypt, it doesn't matter.

          BRENDA
          Can we go to Liverpool.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -'
          80.

          124 CONTINUED: 124

          FRANK
          Where's Liverpool?

          BRENDA
          It's where the Beatles are from in
          Europe.

          FRANK
          Okay. We'll go to Liverpool.

          BRENDA
          You're joking, right. We're not really
          going to Liverpool, are we?

          FRANK
          Brenda, how would you like to be
          head nurse at the hospital? is

          BRENDA
          But I'm not a nurse. I'm a candy
          striper.

          K
          We'll get y nurses uniform. Nobody
          will know the rence. I'll make
          the announcem`L:dri

          V

          BRE
          They'll laugh at m k, please
          don't make me the h e. Promise
          me you won't do that, t even
          give a shot.

          4

          FRANK
          Just think about it, Brenda. You and
          I could run this hospital one day.
          125 EXT. - FRANK SR.'S EASTCHESTER APARTMENT. - DAY 125

          Joe Shaye is eating a slice of pizza as he talks with the
          LANDLORD of the apartment building.

          JOE SHAYE
          I just need to go inside and take a
          quick look around?

          LANDLORD
          He's at work, so search all you want.
          But if you find any money in there,
          it belongs to me.
          Debbie Zane - 5




          81.

          126 INT. - FRANK SR'S EASTCHESTER APARTMENT. - DAY 126

          Joe Shaye is walking through the two bedroom apartment.
          There's a bed pushed against the wall, stacks of drafting
          paper, envelopes, and other STATIONERY SUPPLIES lying around
          the room.
          WE SEE a black and white picture of Paula and Frank Sr.
          sitting on the front of a U.S. ARMY TANK.
          Joe takes Frank Sr.'s black briefcase off the shelf and
          flips
          it open. He reaches inside and pulls out a stack of
          POSTCARDS --
          all sent by Frank to his father. Joe smiles as he flips over
          the postcard, stares down at a picture of CLARK GABLE and

          VIVIAN LEIGH.

          127 EXTINT. - EASTCHESTER PHONE BOOTH. - DAY 127

          Joe is inside a phone booth, dropping dimes into the slot
          and holding the POSTCARD.

          JOE SHAYE
          He's in Atlan Sean! No, I'm not
          coming back o ashington. I'm going
          straight to G and I'll meet
          the team they hit, I'm out of
          dimes. Sean, w 3, I'm out of dimes!
          128 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - Rc JEND. - NIGHT. 128
          Frank and Brenda are lying in bb�t(c.�ther, staring at
          each
          other in the ceiling mirrors.

          FRANK
          It's okay. You don't have to cry.

          BRENDA
          I'm sorry, I just can't do this.

          FRANK
          Brenda, it's okay. I don't care about
          you being a virgin. I can wait.

          BRENDA
          I want to sleep with you. I really
          do.
          Brenda sits up, starts getting dressed.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          82.

          128 CONTINUED: 128

          BRENDA (CONT'D)
          I haven't told you the truth. I'm
          not a virgin. I had an abortion two
          years ago. My parents found out and
          kicked me out of the house.
          Brenda covers her face with a pillow, starts to cry.

          BRENDA (CONT'D)
          I had an abortion, and they said I
          wasn't their daughter anymore.

          FRANK
          It's okay.

          BRENDA
          Then a few months ago they apologized
          and said I was their daughter, but I
          couldn't come home for awhile. I'm
          so sorry, Frank, please don't be
          mad.

          BREN 10
          I ask them all the but they
          won't let me come h M Y Da d'
          a lawyer, and he and this
          contract. He calls it a al
          agreement.

          FRANK
          What if you were engaged to a doctor,
          would that change anything?
          Brenda removes the pillow from her face, stares at Frank.

          BRENDA
          What?

          FRANK
          What if I went to your parents, spoke
          to your father and asked his
          permission to marry you?

          BRENDA
          Don't tease me, Frank.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          83.

          128 CONTINUED: (2) 128

          FRANK
          I'm not teasing.

          BRENDA
          You would go home with me to New
          Orleans?

          FRANK
          We can leave right now, never come
          back.

          129 INT. - RIVER BEND APARTMENT COMPLEX. - ATLANTA. - NIGHT
          129

          TEN FBI AGENTS burst through the doors of Frank's apartment.
          Joe Shaye is out front, leading the men inside with his guns
          drawn.

          FBI AGENT
          We're clear. It's empty.
          There's a fondue pot in the kitchen, bean bag chairs in the
          living room. Joe walks over to the wall -- stares at the
          framed HARVARD MEDICAL OkHOOL DIPLOMA.

          130 EXT. - MARIETTA HOSPITAL/�7;NIGHT 130

          TEN POLICE CARS, sirens �' n g , pull up to the front of
          the
          hospital. JOE SHAYE and hi Gn %ump out of sedan, sprint
          into the hospital.

          131 INT. - HOSPITAL. - NIGHT "Y (Q) 131

          Joe Shaye is leading an army of cops down a hallway,
          holding ;I
          the Harvard Diploma in his hand. They make their way to the
          front of a door marked: FRANK CONNORS, M.D..

          JOE SHAYE
          Okay. Kick it in.
          The Agents kick down the door, and Joe Shaye walks into the
          office, stares at an electric typewriter that is humming on
          the desk.

          132 EXT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - NEW ORLEANS. - NIGHT
          132

          A WHITE CADILLAC is parked in the driveway of a large, two
          story house.
          Debbie Zane -




          84.
          133 INT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - NIGHT 133

          Frank, dressed in a plain white suit, sits at the dinner
          table with Brenda and her parents, ROBERT and CAROL STRONG.
          The house is old and warm, the table jammed with food.

          ROBERT
          Doctor Connors, are you a Lutheran?

          FRANK
          Yes, Sir. I'm a Lutheran.

          CAROL
          Have you been to New Orleans before,
          Doctor?

          FRANK
          No, Ma'am. This is my first time.
          And please, call me Frank.

          ROBERT
          Frank, would you like to say grace?
          Frank stares at Brend ah her parents, who bow their heads.
          He hesitates for a B T, WE SEE that he has no idea how
          to say grace.
          ROBETc `'''c d)
          Unless you're not i V able.
          Brenda peeks at Frank, who close 2 )eyes and bows his head.

          FRANK
          Two little mice fell in a bucket of
          cream. The first mouse gave up and
          drowned, but the second mouse
          struggled so hard that he churned
          that cream into butter -- and he
          walked out. Amen.
          They all lift their heads, clearly impressed. Robert turns
          to Frank and smiles.

          CAROL
          Amen. That was beautiful.
          Frank turns to Brenda, gives her a wink.
          Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

          Summary FBI agent Joe Shaye investigates a suspect in a motel. He is interrupted by Frank, who claims to be Secret Service. Joe initially suspects Frank but eventually lets him go. Frank later calls Joe to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths
          • Suspenseful tension
          • Engaging dialogue
          • Strong character dynamics
          Weaknesses
          • Emotional impact could be higher
          • Limited character development

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 7

          The scene has a strong sense of suspense and intrigue, with a hint of romance.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of an interruption during an investigation adds tension and unexpected elements to the scene.

          Plot: 7

          The plot moves forward as Joe is interrupted by Frank, introducing a new layer of intrigue and potential conflict.

          Originality: 4

          The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situations and dialogue are fairly typical for a romantic drama screenplay. The actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and believable, but they do not present a fresh or unique approach.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          Both Joe and Frank are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and motivations.

          Character Changes: 5

          There is not significant character development or change in this scene.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express his love and commitment to Brenda and to convince her to be with him.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Brenda to go away with him and to consider becoming head nurse at the hospital.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 7

          There is a high level of conflict in the scene as Joe suspects Frank and their encounter is filled with tension.

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are some challenges and obstacles for the characters to overcome, they are not extremely difficult or insurmountable. The audience may have some uncertainty about the outcome, but it is not overly suspenseful.

          High Stakes: 6

          The stakes are raised as Joe has to decide whether to trust Frank and potentially compromise his investigation.

          Story Forward: 7

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and potential ally or antagonist in Frank.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene has some unpredictability in terms of the characters' actions and decisions. The audience may be unsure of how the conversation between Frank and Brenda will unfold and what choices they will make.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene evokes suspense and intrigue, but the emotional impact is not extremely high.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue is engaging and helps to develop the characters and the tension between them.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and conflict between the characters. The audience is drawn into their personal dilemmas and desires, creating a sense of investment in their story.

          Pacing: 9

          The pacing and rhythm of this scene contribute to its effectiveness by allowing the characters' emotions and intentions to unfold gradually. It gives the audience time to absorb the dialogue and empathize with the characters.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are formatted correctly.

          Structure: 7

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-driven, character-driven scene in a screenplay. It includes clear character actions and dialogue that advance the plot.


          Critique The scene has some strong emotional moments and character development, but there are also some areas for improvement.

          1. Dialogue: The dialogue overall is solid, but there are a few places where it could be tightened up or made more natural. For example, in the exchange about going to Liverpool, the conversation feels a bit stilted and unrealistic. Try to make the dialogue more conversational and authentic to how people would actually speak.

          2. Setting and Description: The scene takes place in a hospital cafeteria and later in various locations, such as an apartment and a phone booth. However, there seems to be a lack of visual description and detail in the scene. Screenplays should provide clear and concise descriptions of the setting, characters, and actions to help the reader visualize the scene. Consider adding more details about the surroundings and the characters' actions to enhance the overall visual experience.

          3. Pacing: The scene could benefit from some adjustments in pacing. Some moments, such as the exchange about going to Liverpool, feel a bit rushed and could benefit from more time and space to let the emotions sink in. Consider adding beats or pauses in the dialogue to create moments of tension and reflection.

          4. Character Development: The scene does a good job of developing the relationship between Frank and Brenda. However, there could be more exploration of their individual motivations and desires. Adding more depth to their characters, such as their backstories and personal goals, could make them more relatable and engaging for the audience.

          Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some revisions to improve dialogue, setting descriptions, pacing, and character development.
          Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Add more descriptive language: Instead of just stating that Frank and Brenda are sitting in the cafeteria, provide more detail about the atmosphere, such as the noise and smells in the background. This will help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.

          2. Show the characters' emotions: Instead of just stating that Frank smiles after Brenda pins the Cadecus on his lapel, show his genuine happiness through his body language and facial expression. This will make the scene more engaging for the audience.

          3. Provide more context for Brenda's request: When Brenda asks Frank to go away with her, it would be helpful to provide some background information on why she wants to leave and what she hopes to achieve by going to Liverpool. This will help to make her request more meaningful and relatable.

          4. Build tension and conflict: Instead of immediately agreeing to Brenda's request, Frank could express some initial doubts or reservations. This will create tension and conflict within the scene, making it more engaging for the audience.

          5. Use dialogue tags and action lines to enhance clarity: In a few instances, it's not clear who is speaking or performing an action. Adding dialogue tags and action lines will help to clarify the sequence of events and avoid confusion for the reader.

          6. Consider pacing and structure: The scene currently jumps abruptly to a different location (Frank Sr.'s apartment) after the conversation between Frank and Brenda. Consider restructuring the scene or adding transition elements to create a smoother flow between locations.

          By implementing some of these suggestions, you can enhance the emotional depth, clarity, and engagement of the scene, making it more impactful for the audience.



          Scene 26 -  Frank's Secret
          134 INT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - LIBRARY. - NIGHT 134

          Frank stands next to Robert in the library, the two men
          sipping brandy as they stare at some paintings on the walls.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5
          85.

          134 CONTINUED: 134

          FRANK
          Who is this?

          ROBERT
          President Johnson.

          FRANK
          Right. That's very good, Sir.

          ROBERT
          It's just a hobby. Every Sunday night
          I go into the garage, pretend I'm an
          artist. Sometimes I stay in there
          for hours, hiding from the world,
          making a fool out of myself.

          FRANK
          No, Sir. You are an artist.

          ROBERT
          What about you, Frank? Where do you
          go when you need to hide?

          ROBERT
          Have you decided whic
          want to work at here in

          A

          FRANK
          To be honest, I've been thinking
          about getting back into law.

          ROBERT
          What do you mean? Are you a lawyer
          or a doctor?

          FRANK
          Before I went to medical school I
          passed the bar in California. I
          practiced law for a year, then decided
          to try my hand at pediatrics.

          ROBERT
          A doctor and a lawyer. I'd say Brenda
          hit the jackpot. Where did you go to
          law school?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          86.

          134 CONTINUED: (2) 134

          FRANK
          Berkeley.

          ROBERT
          Berkeley. Well, now she's hit the
          Irish Sweepstakes. Would you be
          interested in coming to work for an
          old man who barely made his way
          through Stanford. My office is
          desperate for Assistant Prosecutors.

          FRANK
          You would give me a job?

          ROBERT
          If you're going to marry Brenda,
          it's the least I can do.

          FRANK
          What would I have to do to take the
          bar here in New Orleans?

          135 INT. - STATE BAR EXAMINE OFFICE. - NEW ORLEANS. - DAY
          135


          CLOSE ON
          BERKELEY TRANSCRIPTS, co e e with Berkeley Logo and
          stationery. Frank hands m th oc ents to a WOMAN sitting
          behind a desk, who hands him WUISIANA BAR EXAM.

          BAR EXAMI
          Good luck, Mister Conno
          136 INT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE. - DAY 136 it

          SUPER: DECEMBER 26. 1967. AIR FRANCE FLIGHT 676.
          Joe Shaye is sitting next to a handcuffed Frank at the back
          of the plane. Amdursky and Fox are sitting across from them.

          JOE SHAYE
          Look at that. They show movies on
          planes now. What's next?
          Frank and Joe stare at a small MOVIE SCREEN thirty rows in
          front of them.

          FRANK
          Are you gonna eat that eclair?

          JOE SHAYE
          Yeah. I'm gonna eat it later.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          87.

          136 CONTINUED: 136

          FRANK
          Do you want to split it?

          JOE SHAYE
          No.
          Joe moves his eclair away from Frank.
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
          You know what I could never figure
          out, Frank? How you cheated on the
          bar exam in Louisiana.

          FRANK
          What's the difference?

          JOE SHAYE
          Did you have somebody else take the
          test for you?

          FRANK
          I'm going to prison for a long time,
          Joe? What's t)1 difference?

          137 INT. - LOUISIANA DISTRICT ATTORNE OFFICE - DAY 137


          III
          Frank wears a new TAN SUIT and holds a TAN BRIEFCASE as he
          walks through the busy law office with Brenda's father.

          ROBERT
          You'll be working under Phillip Rigby
          in corporate law, handling small
          claims made against the state,
          trespass-to-try-title suits, most of
          it won't get past a pre-trial motion.
          Frank looks down at his desk, picks up the nameplate which
          reads: FRANK CONNORS, ASSISTANT PROSECUTOR.

          ROBERT (CONT'D)
          Why don't you settle in, organize
          your desk. We're having lunch with
          the District Attorney and Governor
          Davey at twelve-thirty.
          Debbie Zane -




          88.

          138 INT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - NIGHT 138

          Frank, Brenda, Robert and Carol are eating popcorn and
          watching an episode of PERRY MASON on a black and white TV.

          RAYMOND BURR (ON TV)
          But if you were at your office on
          the day of the murder, Mr. Darius,
          then how could you know your wife
          had left the gate open? Your honor,
          ladies and gentleman of the jury,
          this is irrefutable evidence that
          the defendant is lying!
          Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Drama"]

          Summary Frank, who claims to be Secret Service, interrupts FBI agent Joe Shaye's investigation in a motel room. Though suspicious at first, Joe eventually lets Frank go. Frank later calls Joe to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths "Engaging dialogue, intriguing premise, well-developed characters"
          Weaknesses "Some pacing issues, slightly repetitive dialogue"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene is well-written and engaging, providing intrigue and suspense. The dialogue reveals key information about the characters and their motivations. However, there are a few moments where the pacing feels slow and some of the dialogue could be tightened.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of an FBI agent investigating a suspect in a motel and being interrupted by someone claiming to be Secret Service adds tension and mystery to the scene. The exploration of Frank's background as a lawyer adds depth to his character.

          Plot: 8

          The plot moves forward as Joe investigates the suspect and is interrupted by Frank. Joe's initial suspicion and eventual decision to let Frank go raises questions about Frank's true identity and motives. The scene transitions to Joe's new job at the Louisiana District Attorney's office, indicating a shift in the story's direction.

          Originality: 5

          The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. It follows a common pattern of conversation and character development, without introducing any unique situations or fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and realistic.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their motivations and conflicts. Joe is curious and suspicious, while Frank is enigmatic and concealing his true identity. The dialogue between them adds depth to their relationship.

          Character Changes: 6

          There is some character development, particularly in Frank's reveal about his past as a lawyer and his decision to pursue law again. However, the changes are not significant enough to have a strong impact on the overall story.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impress Brenda's father and showcase his artistic talent. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and validation.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to potentially secure a job as an Assistant Prosecutor working for Brenda's father. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding a suitable career.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 6

          The conflict in the scene primarily stems from Joe's suspicion of Frank and their conflicting interests. The tension is heightened by Frank's impending prison sentence and the mystery surrounding his true identity.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong, as the conflict is more internal rather than external. However, the tension between the protagonist and Brenda's father creates a sense of opposition and potential obstacles.

          High Stakes: 6

          The stakes are moderately high in the scene, particularly for Frank as he faces the possibility of a long prison sentence. There is also some tension regarding Joe's trust in Frank and the potential consequences of his decision.

          Story Forward: 7

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing the mystery of Frank's true identity and motives. Joe's decision to let Frank go and the transition to Joe's new job indicate a shift in the story's direction.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability, as the outcome of the protagonist's job opportunity is uncertain. The audience is left wondering if he will accept the job offer.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene has some emotional impact, particularly in the moments where Joe and Frank discuss their respective pasts and the sacrifices they have made. However, there are moments where the emotional impact could be stronger.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue is generally well-written and reveals important information about the characters and their pasts. There are a few moments where the dialogue feels slightly repetitive or overly expositional.

          Engagement: 7

          This scene is engaging because it reveals the protagonist's internal struggle and highlights the dynamic between the characters. The dialogue is well-written and captures the reader's attention.

          Pacing: 9

          The pacing of the scene is effective in conveying the emotions and tensions between the characters. The dialogue flows naturally and the scene progresses at a steady pace.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and features dialogue that advances the plot and reveals character motivations.


          Critique The scene starts off with a clear establishing shot of the location, which is Brenda's parents' house, specifically the library, at night. This gives the audience a sense of where the characters are and the atmosphere of the scene.

          The dialogue between Frank and Robert is engaging and reveals some information about their characters. The discussion about the paintings on the walls and Robert's hobby of pretending to be an artist adds depth to their relationship and gives the audience insight into Robert's character.

          The dialogue also reveals Frank's background as a lawyer and doctor, which adds complexity to his character. The conversation about Frank potentially returning to law is interesting and provides an opportunity for character development.

          However, there are a few areas for improvement. The scene feels a bit dialogue-heavy, and it could benefit from some visual elements or actions to break up the conversation. Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened in some places to make it more concise and impactful.

          Overall, the scene is well-written and provides a good opportunity for character development and interaction. With some minor adjustments, it could be even stronger.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Add more visual details: Describe the library and the paintings on the walls to create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.

          2. Show the characters' emotions: Instead of simply stating that Frank and Robert are sipping brandy and staring at paintings, show their reactions or expressions to indicate their thoughts and feelings. This will help the audience connect with the characters on a deeper level.

          3. Make the dialogue more dynamic: Rewrite the conversation between Frank and Robert to make it more engaging and natural. Add more subtext and conflict to their exchange to build tension and create a more interesting dynamic between the characters.

          4. Consider the pacing: The scene could benefit from some pacing adjustments. You could break up the dialogue with brief actions or reactions from the characters to keep the scene visually interesting and avoid it feeling too static.

          5. Strengthen the character development: Use this scene to reveal more about the characters' backgrounds, motivations, or personalities. For example, explore why Robert hides in the garage and why Frank is considering going back to law. This will help the audience to better understand and connect with the characters.

          6. Add more sensory details: Include sensory details like the smell of the brandy, the sound of the paintings being admired, or the feeling of the leather armchairs in the library. This will help bring the scene to life and make it more immersive for the audience.



          Scene 27 -  Frank's Secret Mission
          139 INT. - NEW ORLEANS COURTROOM. - DAY 139

          Frank stands in a small, empty courtroom, presenting a case
          before a JUDGE AT A PRE-TRIAL HEARING.

          FRANK
          I have four letters in my hand that
          were sent to the defendant's
          apartment, ea one warning him that
          his buildin to be sprayed with
          insecticide, at he should cover
          his belonging o honor, ladies
          and gentleman t e jury, this is
          irrefutable evid e tat the
          defendant is lying

          JUDGE
          Mister Connors, this is reliminary
          hearing. There's no defendant, no
          jury, it's just me. What the hell is
          wrong with you?

          140 INT. - NEW ORLEANS COURTROOM CORRIDOR. - DAY 140

          Frank walks out of the courtroom, where Robert is waiting
          for him.

          ROBERT
          Well?
          Frank starts to smile.

          FRANK
          Case dismissed!
          Frank shakes Robert's hand, and Robert pulls him close and
          "' gives him a hug.
          Debbie Zane - 5




          89.

          141 EXT. - NEW ORLEANS GARDEN DISTRICT. - DAY 141

          Frank is covering Brenda's eyes with his hands as he slowly
          walks her toward the front door of a LARGE HOUSE.

          FRANK
          Okay. Reach your hand out and feel
          that. What do you think it is?
          Brenda reaches out and touches a DOORKNOB.

          BRENDA
          What is it, Frank?

          FRANK
          It's our front door. I made an offer
          today.
          Frank removes his hands, and Brenda looks up at the giant,
          six bedroom house that sits on a cul-de-sac.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          What do you t)k?

          BRENDA
          It's so big. Are you h e(Q can
          afford it?

          FRANK
          We're gonna have it all, Brenda.

          BRENDA
          But where will we get the money for
          a house like this?

          FRANK
          The same place everyone gets it. The
          bank.

          142 EXT. - FRANK'S CADILLAC. -- NIGHT. 142

          Frank is parked in front of the airport. He turns to Brenda
          and gives her a kiss.

          BRENDA
          Why do you have to go?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -'.
          90.

          142 CONTINUED: 142

          FRANK
          I agreed to speak at this medical
          conference six months ago. Your father
          understands.
          Frank grabs his briefcase and gets out of the car.

          BRENDA
          Why can't I go with you?

          FRANK
          Next time. I promise.

          143 INT. - AIRPORT. - NIGHT 143

          Frank walks into the airport, immediately goes to the MEN'S

          ROOM.

          144 INT. - AIRPORT MEN'S ROOM. - NIGHT 144

          Frank opens his briefcase, pulls out his PILOT'S UNIFORM.
          Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Romance"]

          Summary FBI agent Joe Shaye investigates a suspect in a motel. He is interrupted by Frank, who claims to be Secret Service. Joe initially suspects Frank but eventually lets him go. Frank later calls Joe to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths "Strong dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing characters"
          Weaknesses "Lack of deep exploration of character motivations and theme"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          This scene is well-written and effectively establishes suspense and conflict between the characters.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of an unexpected interruption by a character claiming to be Secret Service adds an interesting twist to the investigation.

          Plot: 8

          The plot progresses as Frank interrupts Joe's investigation and then calls him later, hinting at a deeper connection between the characters.

          Originality: 7

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of a courtroom is familiar, the use of the letters as evidence and the protagonist's specific argument adds a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


          Character Development

          Characters: 7

          The characters, Joe and Frank, are intriguing and their dynamic creates tension in the scene.

          Character Changes: 6

          There is some potential for character changes, particularly for Frank, but it is not fully explored in this scene.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove that the defendant is lying. This reflects his desire for justice and the truth to be revealed.

          External Goal: 9

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to present his case effectively before the judge. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the pre-trial hearing and the challenge of convincing the judge.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          The conflict between Joe and Frank adds tension and raises questions about Frank's true intentions.

          Opposition: 8

          The opposition in this scene is strong, as the judge challenges the protagonist's argument and questions his behavior. The audience doesn't know how the scene will go, adding to the tension.

          High Stakes: 7

          The stakes are moderately high as Frank's interruption and subsequent phone call suggest there is more at play than initially believed.

          Story Forward: 7

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing Frank and his connection to Joe, setting up future developments.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the outcome of the pre-trial hearing is uncertain, and the protagonist's argument using the letters as evidence adds a twist.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is not a clear philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene has some emotional impact due to the suspense and uncertainty created by Frank's actions.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue between Joe and Frank is engaging and helps to build suspense and reveal a bit of their personalities.

          Engagement: 8

          This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict and raises questions about the defendant's guilt. The protagonist's confident and determined demeanor adds to the engagement.

          Pacing: 7

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency through the concise and direct dialogue. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location description, followed by dialogue and character actions.


          Critique Overall, the scene could use improvement in several areas.

          1) Formatting: The scene headings and action lines should be properly capitalized and formatted. It is important to maintain consistency in scene headings to clearly convey the location and time of each scene.

          2) Dialogue: The dialogue is a bit unclear and confusing at times. There are missing words, misspellings, and incomplete sentences that make it difficult to follow the conversation. It is crucial to ensure that the dialogue is clear, concise, and grammatically correct.

          3) Characterization: The characters' personalities and emotions could be further developed and shown through their actions and dialogue. For example, Frank's excitement and confidence about the case dismissal could be portrayed more vividly. Additionally, Brenda's reaction to the new house could be more expressive to reflect her emotions accurately.

          4) Visual Description: The visual descriptions are lacking. It is important to provide enough detail to help the reader visualize the setting and characters. For example, in the scene where Frank walks Brenda to the front door of the house, more details about the house's appearance and surroundings would enhance the reader's experience.

          5) Pacing: The scene transitions could be smoother to maintain a better flow. For example, after Frank learns the case is dismissed, the sudden jump to the next scene where Frank is covering Brenda's eyes feels abrupt. Finding a way to smoothly transition between scenes will help the story flow more naturally.

          By addressing these areas, the scene could become more engaging and effectively convey the intended emotions and story beats.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

          1. In scene 139, when Frank presents his case before the judge, there is a lack of clarity in his dialogue. Consider revising his lines to make them more coherent and easier to understand.

          2. The judge's dialogue in response to Frank also needs clarification. Instead of saying "Mister Connors, this is preliminary hearing. There's no defendant, no jury, it's just me. What the hell is wrong with you?" consider rewriting it to be more professional and clear, such as "Mr. Connors, this is a preliminary hearing. There is no defendant or jury present. Please keep your statements focused on the matters at hand."

          3. Scene 140 could benefit from more context. It is unclear why Frank's case is dismissed based on the given dialogue. Consider adding more details about the outcome of the hearing or the reason for the dismissal.

          4. In scene 141, the description of Frank leading Brenda toward the house lacks sensory details. Enhance the scene by adding descriptions of the sounds, smells, and the overall atmosphere of the garden district.

          5. The dialogue between Frank and Brenda in scene 141 could be more emotionally engaging. Consider adding more depth to their conversation by exploring their hopes, fears, or excitement about the new house. This will help to create a stronger emotional connection between the characters and the audience.

          6. In scene 142, Brenda's dialogue could be expanded to show her reluctance or sadness about Frank leaving for the medical conference. This will add more emotional depth to their relationship.

          7. Finally, scene 144 could benefit from more description of Frank's actions and emotions. Show his internal conflict or anticipation before putting on the pilot's uniform. This will make the scene more visually engaging and add depth to Frank's character.



          Scene 28 -  Frank's Counterfeiting Operation
          145 INT. - PRINTING SUPPLY P. - NEW JERSEY. - DAY 145

          Frank wears a black s a PAN AM pin on the lapel. He
          stands with the OWNER o e?RINT SHOP.

          FRAN
          As I stated on the Pan Am has
          been unhappy for so t about the
          quality of their expe cks.
          we're looking for a new m to handle
          the printing.

          PRINT SHOP OWNER
          How large would the order be?

          FRANK
          About twenty thousand checks a year.

          PRINT SHOP OWNER
          Oh, God, I want that account.
          What do I have to do to get it?

          FRANK
          For starters, why don't you show me
          how you make your checks.
          146 INT. - NEW YORK OFFICE BUILDING. - DAY 146

          TWO DELIVERY MEN are carrying an I-TEK camera into a small
          office, where Frank is setting up a large PASTE-UP BOARD.

          (CONTINUED)
          tlahhia Tana . 5




          91.

          146 CONTINUED: 146

          FRANK
          Just put it anywhere.
          They set the camera down, AND WE SLOWLY PULL BACK, see that
          Frank has turned this office into his own print shop-

          DELIVERY MAN
          This stuff is heavy. What kind of
          business you in?

          FRANK
          I make checks for Pan Am.
          Frank motions out the window, where WE SEE THE PAN AM
          BUILDING
          directly across the street.

          147 INT. - FRANK'S NEW YORK OFFICE. - LATE 147

          Frank is working at the paste-up board, making a 16-by-24
          inch copy of a PAN AM EXPENSE CHECK.
          WE WATCH AS he takes the check and places it directly under
          the lens of the I-TEK C RA.

          M
          The PLATE ENGRAVING i fib around the drum of the small

          PRINTING PRESS-

          CLOSE ON
          A PAPER CUTER SLICING the edg no<`'A newly printed PAN AM

          EXPENSE CHECK.
          148 INT. - FBI BUILDING. - WASHINGTON D.C. 148


          SUPER: NOVEMBER, 1965
          A large, smoked filled conference room, the drapes closed to
          block the afternoon sun. JOE SHAYE holds one of Frank's new
          checks as he stands before FBI DIRECTOR MARSH, who sits at
          the head of a long table. Deputy Director Deevers handles
          the introductions.

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          Sir, I've called this briefing to
          update you on the Frank Abagnale
          situation.

          DIRECTOR MARSH
          Who?

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          92.

          148 CONTINUED: 148

          7

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          The Skywayman. Agent Shaye from bank
          fraud has been the point man on this
          case, and I'll let him fill you in.
          Joe walks to the front of the room, stands in front of a

          SLIDE PROJECTOR.

          JOE SHAYE
          Director Marsh, Frank Abagnale is no
          longer forging checks. He's moved
          on to counterfeiting, making his own
          Pan Am expense checks from scratch.
          Next slide.
          The slide changes.
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
          The amounts have increased to almost
          one thousand dollars per check, and
          the quality, as you can see, is
          virtually flawless.

          CTOR MARSH
          How much ha' glen so far?

          JOE' E
          Our latest estim of about three
          and a half million s. He's now
          the most successful bber in
          the history of the Un ates.
          DIRECTOR MARSH is holding one of Frank's checks, running his
          hands along the printed blue and white surface.

          DIRECTOR MARSH
          And how close are you to getting
          him?

          JOE SHAYE
          Sir, with your help I feel an arrest
          could come at any time. We believe
          he could be in New Orleans.

          DIRECTOR MARSH
          I'll give you thirty more agents and
          I'll bump him up to the ten most
          wanted list.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          93.

          148 CONTINUED: (2) 148

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          Sir, he's only seventeen-years-old.
          We've never put a child on the ten
          most wanted list before. What are we
          gonna tell the President?

          DIRECTOR MARSH
          The President keeps his money in a
          bank. We'll tell him he's fair game
          like the rest of us.
          Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

          Summary Frank, who claims to be from the Secret Service, interrupts FBI agent Joe Shaye's investigation in a motel. Joe initially confronts Frank but eventually lets him go. Frank later calls Joe to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths "Engaging dialogue, suspenseful conflict"
          Weaknesses "Could provide more context and background information"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene is well-written and introduces an intriguing conflict between Joe and Frank.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of a counterfeiting operation and an undercover encounter adds excitement and tension to the story.

          Plot: 9

          The plot develops as Frank interrupts Joe's investigation and later reaches out to him, hinting at a potential alliance or rivalry.

          Originality: 6

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          Both Joe and Frank are interesting characters with conflicting motives and agendas.

          Character Changes: 6

          There are subtle changes in Joe's perception of Frank throughout the scene.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assess the printing quality of the print shop and potentially choose them as a new printer for Pan Am. This reflects Frank's need for high-quality production in order to maintain his successful counterfeit scheme.

          External Goal: 8

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a new printer for Pan Am checks. It reflects the immediate circumstance of unhappy Pan Am's demands for better quality checks.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          The conflict between Joe and Frank adds intrigue and suspense to the scene.

          Opposition: 8

          The opposition in the scene is strong because Frank faces the challenge of finding a new printer and the FBI investigation poses a threat to his activities.

          High Stakes: 10

          The stakes are high as Frank infiltrates an FBI investigation, potentially compromising the entire operation.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene progresses the overall story by introducing the conflict between Joe and Frank.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability because the audience does not know how the protagonist will choose a printer and how the FBI investigation will progress.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 7

          The scene evokes curiosity and anticipation in the audience.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue is engaging and reveals the tension between Joe and Frank.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it introduces a new challenge for the protagonist, involves interactions with other characters, and provides a glimpse into Frank's counterfeiting operation.

          Pacing: 9

          The pacing of the scene is effective because it moves quickly, with concise dialogue and focused action, keeping the audience engaged and interested.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 8

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, line spacing, and dialogue formatting.

          Structure: 7

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.


          Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of establishing the setting and the main characters involved. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon:

          1. Formatting: The scene description could be formatted more clearly to make it easier for the reader to follow. Separate each action and dialogue with a new line and use consistent indentation.

          2. Dialogues: The dialogues feel a bit unnatural at times and could benefit from more realistic and authentic language. Consider rewriting certain lines to make the conversations sound more natural and engaging.

          3. Visual details: The scene could benefit from more visual details to help set the tone and atmosphere. Describe the surroundings in more detail, such as the appearance of the office or the conference room, to create a more vivid and engaging visual experience for the reader.

          4. Character development: While the scene introduces several characters, there is little to no development or backstory provided for them. Consider adding more depth and background information to the characters, especially Frank Abagnale, to make them more relatable and intriguing to the audience.

          Overall, the scene has potential and can be improved upon by focusing on formatting, dialogues, visual details, and character development.
          Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Clarify the dialogue: Some of the lines of dialogue could be clarified to make the intentions and emotions of the characters clearer. For example, in the first scene, the line "As I stated on the Pan Am has been unhappy for so t about the quality of their expe cks" could be rewritten as "As I mentioned earlier, Pan Am has been unhappy with the quality of their checks for some time now."

          2. Add more visual description: In the second scene, where Frank is setting up his own print shop, adding more visual description of the office and Frank's actions can help create a clearer picture for the reader. For example, instead of just saying "Frank is setting up a large PASTE-UP BOARD," you could describe the specific actions he takes to set it up and the materials he uses.

          3. Show the passage of time: The transition between scenes 145 and 146 is abrupt. Consider adding a short description or transition line to show the passage of time. For example, you could add a line like "A few days later" before scene 146 begins.

          4. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the dialogue feels a bit stiff and unnatural. Consider rewriting it to make it sound more conversational and authentic. For example, instead of "What do I have to do to get it?" the Print Shop Owner could say something like "What's the next step? What do I need to do to get the account?"

          5. Add more sensory details: Adding more sensory details can help bring the scene to life. For example, when Frank is working at the paste-up board in scene 147, describe the sounds of the papers rustling or the smell of the printing ink in the air.

          Overall, these suggestions aim to improve clarity, visual imagery, and authenticity of the scene. Remember to consider the tone and style of the overall script when making these revisions.



          Scene 29 -  Frank's Revelation
          149 INT. - VILLAGE INN BAR. - AFTERNOON 149

          Frank walks into the bar wearing a black suit. He sees his
          father sitting in the corner wearing a POSTAL UNIFORM and
          drinking a beer. The place is filled with the afternoon
          regulars, all watching TV. Frank walks up to his Dad and
          sets a DIME in front of him.

          FRANK
          How about a little music, Dad?

          FRANK SR.
          I took a job. A government job. You
          see what I'm doing? Do you have a
          good lawyer?

          FRANK
          Dad, I am a lawyer.

          FRANK SR.
          Look at this letter.
          (handing Frank a letter)
          They kicked me out. They took away
          my membership at the Rotary Club.
          They accused me of terrible things,
          made up a list of lies just to keep
          me out. I'm gonna sue them, a lifetime
          membership is what I have. I have
          the plaque, the letters of
          congratulations.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -'.




          94.

          149 CONTINUED: 149

          FRANK
          Has Mom seen you dressed like that?
          FRANK SR.
          Your mother doesn't know what she
          wants.

          FRANK
          We'll go out together and get you a
          suit. A new black suit. One of those
          Manhattan Eagle three button black
          pearls.

          FRANK SR.
          Those are nice. We'll have a drink
          first.

          FRANK
          Dad, I'm getting married in two weeks-
          I'm buying a sixty thousand dollar
          house, a new Cadillac. I'm getting
          it all back, everything they took
          from us. I wa you and Mom to come
          to the wedd' g ogether.

          FRANK
          You have to ask herd o ve to
          fight for her. Prom is Q u won't
          let her see you dressed a this.

          FRANK SR.
          She won't come, because she just had
          a baby.
          Frank stares at his father for a long BEAT.
          FRANK SR. (cont'd)
          A little girl. She had a little girl.

          150 INT. - MIDWAY AIRLINES COCKPIT. - NIGHT 150

          Frank is clearly upset as he sits in the jump-seat, lost in
          thought. The PILOT gets out of his seat, turns back to
          Frank.

          PILOT
          Were leveled off. You mind taking
          her for a minute, I need to use the
          bathroom.

          (CONTINUED)
          r,, hhin 7rnn _ r+
          95_

          150 CONTINUED: 150
          Frank stares at the empty seat as the Pilot moves past him.

          FRANK
          Wait. What are you doing?

          PILOT
          I need five minutes. I'd do it for
          you.
          The Pilot walks out of the cockpit, and Frank turns to the

          CO-PILOT.

          FRANK
          He left .

          CO-PILOT
          He's got an ulcer.
          Frank gets out of the JUMP-SEAT, walks over and sits in the
          PILOT'S SEAT. He looks at the instruments, the WHEEL moving
          on it's own in front of him.
          Frank stares out the front wir�r2>;s w' p the cockpit --
          the
          blackness in front of him - - hi starting to shake as
          he slowly reaches up and puts his ds on the wheel --

          14

          FRANK
          Okay. Shut it off.
          The Auto-Pilot flips the switch, and Frank holds on for dear
          life as he flies the plane into the darkness.

          151 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - NIGHT 151

          Joe is sleeping in the chair in his office. The phone
          rings,
          and he quickly answers.

          JOE SHAYE (ON PHONE)
          This is Shaye.

          INTERCUT WITH
          Debbie Zane -
          96.
          l f 152 INT. AIRPORT. - NIGHT 152

          FRANK
          Hello, Joe. Merry Christmas.
          Joe grabs a pad and pencil.

          JOE SHAYE
          I thought you might call. Where are
          you?

          FRANK
          I don't know, exactly. An airport
          somewhere.

          JOE SHAYE
          What do you want, Doctor Connors?

          FRANK
          Joe, I haven't been Doctor Connors
          for months now.

          SHAYE
          Fuck you. I' fitting here in my
          office on C r -Eve, so just
          tell me what o

          FRAN
          It's over. I want ver now.
          I'm getting married.' �Vttling
          down.

          JOE SHAYE
          You've stolen four million dollars. t
          You think we're just gonna call it a
          wedding present? This isn't something
          you get to walk away from, Frank.

          FRANK
          I want to call a truce

          JOE SHAYE
          There is no truce. You will be caught,
          and you will go to prison. Where did
          you think this was going?

          FRANK
          Please, leave me alone, Joe. I don't
          want to do it anymore. Don't make me
          do it anymore-

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          97.

          152 CONTINUED: 152

          JOE SHAYE
          I'm close aren't I? You're scared
          because I'm getting close. How close
          am I?

          FRANK
          Will you stop chasing me?

          JOE SHAYE
          I can't stop. This is my job.

          FRANK
          It's okay, Joe. I just thought I'd
          ask.

          153 INT. - NEW ORLEANS BALLROOM. - FRENCH QUARTER. - NIGHT
          153

          MARDI GRAS is in full swing.
          A crush of people walking down BOURBON STREET. Joe Shaye is
          pushing through the crowd of people, Amdursky and Fox next
          to him as he makes his way into the crowd.
          Joe motions behind hiWM'fere TWENTY AGENTS quickly split up
          and start walking thr ugh Quarter.

          CLOSE ON FRANK
          Standing on a HOTEL BALCONY aft ourbon Street, wearing a
          MASK and watching the FBI AG EIS hey move through the
          French Quarter.
          JOE SHAYE turns and looks up at the balcony, staring right
          at Frank for a BEAT before he continues through the chaos.

          154 INT. - HOTEL BALLROOM. - DAY 154

          An ENGAGEMENT PARTY is going on - - A HUNDRED PEOPLE IN
          ELABORATE COSTUMES AND GOWNS. Brenda, dressed in a mask and
          corset, is standing with some girlfriends -- showing them
          her engagement ring.
          Frank takes off his mask, and WE SEE the fear in his eyes-as
          he walks over to Brenda.

          FRANK
          Come with me.
          Debbie Zane -




          98.

          155 INT. - COAT ROOM. - NEW ORLEANS HOTEL BALLROOM.. - NIGHT
          155
          Genres: []

          Summary Frank interrupts Joe's investigation in a motel. Joe initially suspects Frank but eventually lets him go. Later, Frank calls Joe to discuss their encounter.
          Strengths "Suspenseful and engaging scene, unexpected twist with Frank's claim of being Secret Service."
          Weaknesses "Dialogue could be more complex and nuanced."

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 7

          The scene is well-executed and engaging, with suspense and mystery.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of a suspect interrupting an FBI investigation and the subsequent phone call adds depth and complexity to the plot.

          Plot: 7

          The scene moves the plot forward by introducing new information and raising questions about Frank's motives.

          Originality: 5

          This scene does not introduce any unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the realism of the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 6

          Joe and Frank have conflicting motives and their interactions create tension.

          Character Changes: 6

          Frank's revelation about his job and his desire to stop his illegal activities shows a potential character change.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconnect with his father and gain his support for his upcoming wedding and new life. This reflects his deeper need for family validation and acceptance.

          External Goal: 6

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince his father to attend his wedding and support him in his new life. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his upcoming wedding and the challenges he faces in winning his father's approval.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 7

          There is conflict between Joe and Frank as they navigate their different roles and intentions.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is moderate, with the protagonist facing resistance and skepticism from his father but also making progress in convincing him to support his upcoming wedding.

          High Stakes: 7

          The scene raises the stakes for Joe as he realizes he is getting closer to catching Frank.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene reveals new information and raises stakes for the protagonist.

          Unpredictability: 4

          This scene is somewhat predictable as it follows a typical dynamic between the protagonist and his father, with conflicts and resolutions that are expected in the context of a family drama.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene elicits curiosity and suspense, as well as raising questions about Frank's true identity and motives.

          Dialogue: 6

          The dialogue is straightforward, but effectively conveys the characters' emotions and intentions.

          Engagement: 7

          This scene is engaging because it establishes an emotional connection between the characters, explores their personal relationships and conflicts, and sets up the stakes for the protagonist's upcoming wedding.

          Pacing: 7

          The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the emotional tension and gradual development of the conversation between the characters. It allows for moments of reflection and reaction, maintaining the overall rhythm of the scene.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes character names, dialogue, action lines, and scene descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with the protagonist entering the location, initiating a conversation with his father, and then progressing through their dialogue and interactions.


          Critique The scene does a good job of establishing the setting and the relationship between Frank and his father. The dialogue reveals their dynamic and provides some backstory. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon:

          1. Clarity: Some parts of the dialogue and actions are a bit unclear. For example, it is not clear what Frank means by "How about a little music, Dad?" and why he sets a dime in front of his father. Additionally, the transition from Frank asking about his dad's lawyer to his dad showing him a letter and talking about the Rotary Club feels abrupt and disconnected.

          2. Pacing: The scene feels a bit disjointed and could benefit from some tightening and smoother transitions. Some of the dialogue exchanges could be condensed or rearranged for a better flow.

          3. Characterization: While we get a sense of Frank and his father's relationship, their characters could be further developed. The scene could delve deeper into their emotions and motivations, especially in moments of conflict.

          4. Visual storytelling: The scene relies primarily on dialogue to convey information. It could benefit from more visual cues and action to enhance the storytelling and create a more dynamic scene.

          Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some revisions to improve clarity, pacing, and characterization.
          Suggestions There are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

          1. Increase the tension: The scene starts with Frank walking into the bar wearing a black suit. To enhance the tension and intrigue, it could be helpful to describe the reactions of the other patrons in the bar. Are they whispering or staring at Frank? This would add an element of mystery and make the audience curious about Frank's presence.

          2. Show instead of telling: Instead of having Frank explain that he is a lawyer to his dad, consider showing it through their conversation. For example, Frank could confidently give legal advice to his dad about his situation with the Rotary Club. This would demonstrate Frank's knowledge and expertise in his field.

          3. Deepen the conflict: The conflict between Frank and his father could be further explored by delving into the reasons why Frank's father was kicked out of the Rotary Club. Is there a specific incident that led to this? By bringing in more specifics, the conflict between Frank and his father's desire to sue the club will become more engaging for the audience.

          4. Use visual cues: In the scene where Frank is flying the plane, consider incorporating more visual cues to emphasize the tension and danger of the situation. For example, describe Frank sweating or gripping the steering wheel tightly. This will enhance the audience's emotional investment in the scene.

          5. Clarify character motivations: In the phone conversation between Frank and Joe, it could be helpful to clarify why Frank wants to call a truce with Joe. Is it because he's genuinely done with his criminal activities or is he just trying to buy more time? By making Frank's motivations clearer, the audience will have a better understanding of his character arc.

          Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance the tension, deepen the conflict, and clarify the character motivations in the scene.



          Scene 30 -  Revelations
          Frank pulls Brenda into the COAT ROOM. They are surrounded
          by fur coats, expensive black overcoats, a row of black
          hats.
          Brenda kisses him.

          BRENDA
          Frank, can you believe this party is
          for us?

          FRANK
          We have to leave, Brenda. You love
          me, right? I mean, you would love me
          no matter what?

          BRENDA
          Of course.

          FRANK
          If I was poor, or sick, or if T' had
          a different name.
          A name means n i g, right? My
          name is Frank Co �s. That's who I
          am with you. We al secrets.
          Sometimes when I tr 1 use the
          name Frank Williams t r� my secret.

          BRENDA
          Frank Williams?

          FRANK
          It means nothing -- Frank Williams,
          Frank Black -- when I'm with you,
          I'm Frank Connors -- that's all that
          matters.

          BRENDA
          Why are you saying this?

          FRANK
          Brenda, I don't want to lie anymore.
          I'm not a doctor. I never went to
          medical school.
          Brenda smiles, thinks he's joking.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          99.

          155 CONTINUED: 155

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          And I'm not a lawyer or a Harvard
          graduate or a Lutheran. I ran away
          from home a year and a half ago when
          I was sixteen.

          BRENDA
          Stop teasing me, Frank. You're Frank
          Connors, right? You're Frank Connors
          and you're 28-years-old. Why would
          you lie to me?
          Brenda turns to Frank, trying not to get upset.

          BRENDA (CONT'D)
          Frank, what's your name? I want you
          to tell me your name.
          FRANK
          We'll go to Liverpool. We can live
          there, Brenda, you and I can live
          wherever we want. I have money, enough
          for the rest our lives. But you're
          gonna have ust me. Do you trust
          me? Do you 1ov,
          I love you.

          FRANK
          No matter what. Even ave to
          live in Liverpool, or I a
          different name -- you'll still love

          II
          me?

          BRENDA

          (UPSET)
          I love you, Frank. I love you.

          FRANK
          But we'll never tell anyone the truth.
          You can't tell you parents.

          BRENDA
          No. We won't tell anyone. And we'll
          go away. I don't care if I ever see
          my parents again. I just want to be
          with you.

          FRANK
          We'll leave tonight.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          100.

          155 CONTINUED: (2) 155

          BRENDA
          But the wedding is next month. It's
          all planned. We can leave right after
          the reception, just like a honeymoon.

          FRANK
          No, we have to leave today. I'll
          pick you up at your parents house in
          two hours.

          BRENDA
          Two hours?

          FRANK
          We'll get married in Liverpool. Would
          you like that?

          BRENDA
          Yes. I love you, Frank. But please,
          before we go -- tell me your name.

          156 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - NEW ORLEANS. - NIGHT 156

          Frank is packing a su e with HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS. He is
          trying to get the sui close, sitting on top of it --
          the money spilling out s.

          157
          A heavy rain is falling as Fr es toward Brenda's
          parents' house. As he turns ont street, HE SEES FIVE
          PATROL CARS parked in front of th use. Neighbors have
          lined the street, and TWO STATE TROOPERS are guarding the
          front of the house with SHOTGUNS.
          FRANK stops the car, stares in stunned disbelief at the
          police
          in front of the house.
          Sirens are wailing in the distance as Frank puts his head on
          the steering wheel and closes his eyes.

          158 INT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - NIGHT. 158

          Robert and Carol are sitting in the living room with Brenda,
          holding her in their arms as two POLICE OFFICERS stand
          across
          from them. Brenda is crying, holding her cat as Joe Shaye
          kneels in front of her.

          JOE SHAYE
          Hello, Brenda. My name is Joe Shaye,
          and I'm with the FBI.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5
          101.

          158 CONTINUED: 158
          Brenda keeps her face buried in her father's shirt.
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
          That's a pretty cat. What's his
          name?

          BRENDA
          Ringo.

          JOE SHAYE
          I know this is all a bit scary, but
          I need you to tell me where Frank is
          going. A lot of people are looking
          for him out there, and the last thing
          we want is for Frank to get hurt.
          And I swear to you, Brenda, if you
          tell me where he's going -- I'll
          keep him safe.

          BRENDA
          You promise?

          J SHAPE
          Yes. I prom" e Just tell me where
          he's going.
          Liverpool.
          Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Suspense"]

          Summary Frank confesses his true identity and past to Brenda, and they plan to run away together. However, Frank is shocked to find police cars and officers outside Brenda's parents' house. Meanwhile, FBI agent Joe Shaye speaks to Brenda and promises to keep Frank safe if she reveals his destination.
          Strengths "Strong emotional conflicts and tension, engaging dialogue, unexpected plot twists"
          Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be further developed to deepen character emotions and motivations"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene effectively creates tension and emotional investment through the revelation and the threat of the police. The dialogue is engaging and the characters' internal conflicts are well portrayed.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of a secret identity and a forbidden love affair adds intrigue and suspense to the scene. The twist with the police adds a sense of danger and raises the stakes.

          Plot: 9

          The plot progresses with Frank's confession and the decision to run away. The introduction of the police adds a new obstacle and raises the stakes for the characters.

          Originality: 5

          This scene does not introduce any particularly unique situations or fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the overall authenticity of the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          Frank's reveal and internal conflict showcase a complex character. Brenda's emotions and loyalty are tested, adding depth to her character. Joe Shaye's promise to protect Frank reveals his empathy and determination.

          Character Changes: 8

          Frank's confession and Brenda's realization of his true identity lead to a significant change in their relationship and plans for the future.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reveal the truth about his identity to Brenda. This reflects his deeper need for honesty and his fear of being rejected.

          External Goal: 8

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Brenda to leave with him and start a new life together. This reflects the immediate challenge of their impending marriage and the protagonist's desire to escape his past.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          The conflict is high as Frank's true identity is revealed, the police pose a threat, and Brenda and Joe Shaye are caught in a moral dilemma.

          Opposition: 9

          The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist's revelation and Brenda's reaction create a major obstacle in their relationship. The audience is left unsure of how it will be resolved.

          High Stakes: 9

          The stakes are high as Frank's secret is at risk of being exposed and the police are closing in, putting his and Brenda's future in danger.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information, raising stakes, and introducing new obstacles.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the protagonist's revelation about his true identity is unexpected, leading to uncertainty about the future of their relationship.

          Philosophical Conflict: 7

          There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene. The protagonist's beliefs about love and honesty are challenged by the potential consequences of revealing his true identity.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 9

          The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' conflicted feelings and the suspenseful situation. The audience is emotionally invested in the outcome.

          Dialogue: 8

          The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and motivations. It keeps the audience engaged and reveals important plot information.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it reveals crucial information about the protagonist and his relationship with Brenda, creating tension and emotional stakes.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional intensity, as the protagonist reveals his true identity and Brenda reacts.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 7

          The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay. It includes character names, dialogue, and minimal scene description.

          Structure: 8

          The scene follows a typical structure for a dialogue-driven dramatic moment in a screenplay.


          Critique
          Suggestions 1. Improve the dialogue: The dialogue in this scene feels a bit clunky and unnatural. It could benefit from being more conversational and authentic. Consider rewriting it to sound more like how real people would speak in this situation.

          2. Build tension: The tension in this scene could be heightened by creating more suspense. One way to do this is by adding more visual descriptions and details to create a sense of urgency and danger. For example, describe Frank's panicked movements as he packs the suitcase, or the rain pouring down as he drives to Brenda's parents' house.

          3. Clarify character motivations: It's not clear why Frank suddenly decides to reveal his true identity and past to Brenda. It would be helpful to provide a stronger motivation for this revelation, whether it's due to guilt, fear, or a need for authenticity in their relationship. This will make the scene more emotionally resonant.

          4. Use subtext: The scene could benefit from more subtext and underlying tension between the characters. Instead of having Frank outright say that he's not a doctor or lawyer, consider having him communicate this information indirectly through actions or ambiguous statements, which will make the scene more engaging and suspenseful.

          5. Rewrite the ending: Consider adding a twist or unexpected turn of events at the end of the scene to leave the audience on a cliffhanger. For example, instead of Brenda agreeing to run away with Frank, perhaps she remains undecided, leaving the audience wondering what choice she will make and adding more suspense to the story.



          Scene 31 -  The Chase Begins
          159 INT. - NEW ORLEANS AIRPORT. 159

          Frank is walking through an airpo /He rushes over to a TWA
          TICKET COUNTER that is closing down for the night.

          FRANK
          Are there any more flights tonight?

          TICKET AGENT
          I'm sorry, Sir, there's nothing until
          morning. This airport shuts down at
          eleven.

          160 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - MIAMI. - DAY 160
          Joe Shaye stands in front of TWENTY FBI AGENTS, pacing.

          JOE SHAYE
          We have to stop him before he leaves
          the country. I want everyone we have
          inside Miami International. He's
          used that airport before, he knows

          (MORE)

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          102.

          160 CONTINUED: 160
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
          the layout. One way or another, he'll
          end up there.

          FOX
          He doesn't have a passport, Joe.

          JOE SHAYE
          In the last six months he's gone to
          Harvard and Berkeley -- I'm betting
          he can get a passport.

          AMDURSKY
          I already talked to the Miami police,
          they've offered fifty uniformed cops
          in two shifts of twenty-five.

          FOX
          Joe, with our guys that's almost a
          hundred men in one airport. Don't
          you think we should spread it around.

          SHAYE
          No. Miami i h'ff exit point. Now all
          we have to o tch him.

          161 INT. - HALL OF RECORDS. " I I - DAY 161
          0
          Frank walks into the HALL OF

          FRANK
          Excuse me. Where do you p the
          death records?

          162 INT. - STATE DEATH RECORDS ARCHIVE ROOM. - DAY 162

          Frank is looking through a thick book. All of the entries
          are for 1938, and Frank is quickly scanning pages. He stops
          when he sees the following entry.

          FRANK TAYLOR BORN DEC. 3. 1938. DIED DEC. 8 1938.

          AGE -- FIVE DAYS. MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME - PENNER.

          163 INT. - BIRTH CERTIFICATE OFFICES. - CITY HALL. 163

          Frank walks up to a window at MIAMI CITY HALL and smiles at
          the WOMAN behind the counter.

          FRANK
          Hello. I'd like to get a copy of my
          birth certificate, please.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          103.

          163 CONTINUED: 163

          CITY HALL WOMAN
          I'll need your name, date of birth,
          mother's maiden name and the county
          and hospital you were born in_

          FRANK
          The name is Frank Taylor. I was born
          December 3, 1938, in Tampa.

          164 INT. - PASSPORT OFFICE. - FEDERAL BUILDING. - MIAMI. 164
          Frank walks up to the window at the passport office.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          I'd like to get a passport, please.

          PASSPORT EMPLOYEE 11.
          Have you ever had a passport before?

          FRANK
          Never.

          P PORT EMPLOYEE
          I'll need a 0 0 of your birth
          certificate.

          F \\ /,
          I brought it wit h=- �Si�
          Frank takes the birth certifi ed' of his pocket and sets
          it on the counter.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          Will this take long. I'm trying to
          catch a flight.

          165 INT. - FONTAINEBLEAU HOTEL. - MIAMI. - DAY 165


          A NEW PASSPORT
          sits on a desk in the plush, PENTHOUSE SUITE of the
          FONTAINEBLEAU HOTEL. Frank stands at the window looking out
          at a perfect Miami sunset as he talks on the phone.

          FRANK (ON PHONE)
          This is Frank Taylor, and I'm letting
          all the universities in the area
          know that Pan Am will be initiating
          a new recruiting program this year.
          I'll be stopping by your campus
          tomorrow morning.
          Debbie Zane - '•




          104.
          166 EXT. - UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI. - DAY 166

          Frank wears his pilots uniform and carries a black briefcase
          as he walks past a group of students who are protesting the
          war.

          167 INT. - GYMNASIUM. - UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI. - DAY 167

          Three hundred students, ALL FEMALE, sit on the bleachers of
          a gymnasium staring up at MR. HENDRICKS, the DIRECTOR OF

          STUDENT PLACEMENT.

          MR. HENDRICKS
          Ladies, quiet down, please. As you
          all know, Pan Am has sent 'a pilot
          here to interview prospective
          stewardesses for a new Summer
          internship program. This is Captain
          Taylor, and he'll be talking to you
          today.
          Frank stands in front of the girls, who suddenly get very
          quiet.

          F
          Thank you all ing. At the end
          of the day Ill icking eight
          young ladies to of Pan Am's
          first "future stew ' flight
          crew program. Thes Ai girls
          will accompany me on onth
          public relations tour o rope this
          Summer, where they will learn first
          hand what it takes to be a Pan Am
          stewardess.

          168 EXT. - MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. - DAY 168

          WE SEE FBI AGENTS, UNIFORMED COPS, UNDERCOVER COPS and local
          detectives all taking their positions in and around the
          airport. it looks like they're preparing for war, and Joe
          Shaye is in the middle of it all.
          Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

          Summary Frank tries to evade capture by obtaining a fake passport and birth certificate. He then poses as a pilot to interview prospective stewardesses at a university. Meanwhile, FBI agent Joe Shaye and law enforcement officers prepare to apprehend him at the Miami International Airport.
          Strengths
          • Building tension and suspense
          • Effective portrayal of law enforcement preparations
          Weaknesses
          • Dialogue could be more memorable

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 7

          The scene effectively builds tension and raises the stakes as Frank continues to outsmart law enforcement.


          Story Content

          Concept: 6

          The concept of a criminal attempting to evade capture while law enforcement closes in is familiar but executed well.

          Plot: 7

          The plot progresses as Frank takes steps to evade capture and law enforcement prepares to apprehend him.

          Originality: 5

          The level of originality in this scene is average. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a layer of realism to the scene.


          Character Development

          Characters: 6

          Frank demonstrates resourcefulness, while Joe Shaye is determined to catch him.

          Character Changes: 6

          Frank demonstrates resourcefulness and determination, while Joe Shaye continues to pursue him.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to obtain a passport and birth certificate in order to catch a flight. It reflects his need to assume a new identity and escape from his current situation.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to catch a flight and leave the country. It reflects the immediate challenge he faces of evading law enforcement agencies and starting a new life.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          The conflict level is high as Frank attempts to evade capture and law enforcement closes in.

          Opposition: 8

          The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces obstacles such as the airport shutting down, the need for a passport, and the presence of law enforcement agencies that are trying to catch him.

          High Stakes: 9

          The stakes are high as Frank tries to escape capture and law enforcement is determined to apprehend him.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene moves the story forward by showing Frank's evasion techniques and law enforcement's preparations.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience is unsure of whether the protagonist will successfully obtain the passport and catch his flight.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 5

          The scene doesn't evoke strong emotional reactions, but there is tension and anticipation.

          Dialogue: 5

          The dialogue is functional and serves to move the plot forward, but there are no particularly memorable lines.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it combines suspenseful elements, such as the protagonist's race against time, with the practical steps he takes to achieve his goals.

          Pacing: 9

          The fast-paced and concise writing style contributes to the scene's effectiveness by maintaining the reader's attention and creating a sense of urgency.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 7

          The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with properly formatted character names, dialogue, and action lines.

          Structure: 8

          The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear location headings and action lines that guide the reader and provide a smooth flow of events.


          Critique Overall, this scene has a clear purpose and moves the plot forward. The dialogue is concise and serves to convey important information. Here are some specific critiques:

          1. Scene Description: The scene starts abruptly without any establishing shot or clear location description. It could benefit from a brief description of the airport setting to help the reader visualize the scene better.

          2. Action Lines: The action lines are generally clear, but some of them could be more concise. For example, in scene 159, instead of saying "He rushes over to a TWA TICKET COUNTER that is closing down for the night," it could be written as "He rushes to a closing TWA TICKET COUNTER." This makes the action more streamlined.

          3. Character Introductions: The scene introduces several new characters without any prior context or introduction, making it challenging for the reader to keep track. It would be helpful to provide some additional context or description about these characters, especially Joe Shaye and his team members.

          4. Dialogue: The dialogue is generally effective and serves its purpose of conveying important information. However, in scene 160, some of the lines could be made more concise by removing unnecessary repetition or redundant information. For example, "JOE SHAYE: We have to stop him before he leaves the country" could be revised as "JOE SHAYE: We need to stop him from leaving the country."

          5. Formatting: There are some instances where the formatting could be improved. For example, in scene 160, the character names and dialogue should be centered on the page rather than aligned to the left.

          Overall, the scene effectively conveys the urgency and stakes of the situation. With some minor revisions to improve clarity and conciseness, it could be even stronger.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Clarify the location: In the first scene, specify the specific area of the airport Frank is in (e.g. departure lounge, hallway, etc.).

          2. Add more urgency: Emphasize Frank's desperation in finding a flight by having him try multiple counters before finding the TWA one. This will heighten the tension and make his question about flights more urgent.

          3. Dialogue improvement: Make the conversation between Frank and the ticket agent more dynamic by adding more specific details. For example, Frank could mention a specific destination he needs to get to or a reason why he urgently needs to leave.

          4. Clarify character motivations: During the meeting with the FBI agents, provide more information about the antagonist Frank is trying to stop. This will help the audience understand the stakes and why it's crucial to apprehend him.

          5. Show the conflict: Instead of just having the characters talk about spreading resources around, show some internal conflict within the team. Some agents could argue for the spread of resources while others advocate for focusing solely on Miami International Airport.

          6. Visualize Frank's research: When Frank is searching through the death records, show close-ups of the book and his fingers turning the pages. This will bring more visual interest to the scene and make it more engaging.

          7. Develop Frank's character: Add a short scene or dialogue that provides more insight into Frank's determination and resourcefulness. This will help the audience connect with him and understand his motivation for getting a passport and applying for the internship program.

          8. Visualize the airport preparation: Instead of just stating that the airport is being prepared for war, show specific actions of the FBI agents, uniformed cops, undercover cops, and local detectives as they set up their positions. This will make the scene more visually engaging and exciting.



          Scene 32 -  The Escape
          169 INT. - INTERVIEW ROOM. - UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI. - DAY 169

          Frank sits behind a desk holding a notebook as he INTERVIEWS
          a young FEMALE STUDENT.

          FRANK
          Judy, what does the word "abroad"
          mean to you?
          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          105.

          169 CONTINUED: 169

          JUDY
          When I hear the word abroad, I think
          of crossing the ocean and traveling
          to distant lands.

          FRANK
          Thank you.

          170 INT. - INTERVIEW ROOM. - LATE 170

          Frank has drawn a picture of an AIRPLANE ON A CHALKBOARD. He
          is pointing to various sections of the plane.

          FRANK
          And what's this, Monica?

          MONICA
          The wing.

          FRANK
          Very good- And this?
          The tail.
          Excellent.

          171 INT. - GYMNASIUM. - DAY 171

          This is the moment of truth. Al ` - We0birls are standing,
          and
          Frank is reading from a list.

          FRANK
          Debra Jo McMillian.
          DEBRA JO comes screaming out from the sea of girls, hugging
          friends and crying as if she had just won the Ms. America
          Pageant.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          Heather Shack.
          HEATHER SHACK screams and rushes into Debra Jo's arms, the
          two girls screaming as Frank continues to announce the
          winners.

          172 EXT. - MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. - DAY 172

          Miami Police Officers are spread out in front of the
          airport,
          looking bored as they drink coffee and pace back and forth.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          106.

          172 CONTINUED: 172
          A STATION WAGON pulls up to the front of the airport, and
          TWO COPS WATCH as EIGHT BEAUTIFUL COLLEGE GIRLS walk out,
          all dressed as flight attendants, all holding luggage.
          The cops never even glance at Frank, who stands in the
          middle
          of the girls as they walk into the airport.

          173 INT_ - MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. - DAY 173
          Frank walks through the packed terminal surrounded by the
          EIGHT GIRLS, all walking in stride, their hair and make-up
          perfect, every man in the airport turning to stare.
          Frank and the girls walk past TWO FBI AGENTS, who can't help
          but smile at the girls -- who in turn smile back.

          FBI AGENT #1'
          Did you see that blonde in front?

          FBI AGENT #2
          I should've been a pilot.

          174 INT. - MIAMI AIRPORT COE SHOP. - DAY 174

          Joe Shaye is sitting '1n FEE SHOP that looks down over
          the entire INTERNATIONA R 1AL. HE HEARS an announcement
          over the airport P.A. sy

          P.A. O (V.0.)
          Will Mr. Joe Shaye k a white
          courtesy phone. Mr. J e, please
          pick up a white courtes one.
          in the distance, JOE watches as the eight girls walk toward
          him. He hesitates for a BEAT, then walks to the back of the
          restaurant and finds a WHITE PHONE.

          JOE SHAYE
          This is Shaye.

          INTERCUT WITH

          175 INT. - MIAMI AIRPORT TICKETING AREA. - DAY 175


          AMDURSKY
          Joe, you're walkie talkie wasn't
          working. There's a guy in a Pan Am
          uniform sitting in a white Cadillac
          in front of terminal J!

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          107.

          175 CONTINUED: 175

          JOE SHAYE
          That's the charter terminal. Can you'
          see his face?

          AMDURSKY
          He's got his Pilot's cap on. I think
          it's him!

          176 INT. - AIRPORT. - DAY 176

          Joe Shaye is running through the airport, sprinting past
          Frank and the college girls as he makes his way outside.
          Genres: ["thriller","crime"]

          Summary Frank, posing as a pilot, interviews prospective stewardesses at a university while trying to evade capture. Meanwhile, Joe Shaye receives a tip about Frank's location and races to the airport to apprehend him.
          Strengths
          • Suspenseful moments
          • Effective pacing
          • Advances the plot
          Weaknesses
          • Lack of memorable dialogue
          • Limited emotional impact

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene is well-paced, provides suspenseful moments, and advances the plot effectively.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of Frank disguising as a pilot and interviewing prospective stewardesses adds intrigue and tension to the scene.

          Plot: 8

          The plot progresses with Frank evading capture and Joe Shaye pursuing him, creating tension and anticipation.

          Originality: 2

          The level of originality in this scene is low. There are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is average, without standing out.


          Character Development

          Characters: 7

          Frank's resourcefulness and Joe Shaye's determination make them interesting characters in the scene.

          Character Changes: 6

          There are no significant character changes in this scene.

          Internal Goal: 0

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated or evident.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to interview and assess the responses of the young female student, as well as to identify the winners of the beauty pageant. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges the protagonist is facing in their role as an interviewer and judge.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          The conflict between Frank trying to avoid capture and Joe Shaye pursuing him creates high tension in the scene.

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in this scene is moderate. The presence of the police officers and the potential challenges faced by the beauty pageant contestants create a sense of opposition and conflict.

          High Stakes: 8

          The stakes are high as Frank tries to evade capture and Joe Shaye is determined to apprehend him.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by showing Frank's attempts to escape and Joe Shaye's pursuit.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability. The outcome of the beauty pageant and the presence of the police officers create uncertainty and intrigue for the audience.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene does not elicit strong emotional responses from the audience.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue is functional and helps move the plot forward, but does not stand out as particularly memorable.

          Engagement: 8

          This scene is engaging because it introduces a conflict through the beauty pageant element, creates anticipation for the winners to be announced, and foreshadows potential tension with the introduction of the police officers.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a brisk and energetic rhythm. The dialogue and actions progress at a suitable pace, keeping the audience engaged.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 7

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character names. It is well-organized and easy to follow.

          Structure: 7

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively transitions between different locations and events.


          Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique the following scene based on several key elements: dialogue, characterization, setting, and pacing.

          1. Dialogue: The dialogue in this scene offers clear and concise communication between the characters. Both Frank and Judy have natural and believable lines, contributing to an effective exchange of information. However, the dialogue between Frank and Monica lacks depth and substance compared to the previous conversation. It could benefit from additional character development or a more engaging conversation.

          2. Characterization: Frank is portrayed as an effective interviewer, showing professionalism and knowledge in his field. However, more information about Frank's motivations or personality could be included to make him a more dynamic character. The female student, Judy, is briefly introduced and provides a brief insight into her thoughts. It would be beneficial to further develop her character to create a stronger connection and understanding for the audience.

          3. Setting: The scene takes place in various locations within the University of Miami and Miami International Airport. While the settings are clearly described, there is a missed opportunity to utilize these locations to enhance the scene's overall impact. Including additional sensory details or utilizing the physical space to convey emotions or create tension would add depth to the scene.

          4. Pacing: The pacing of the scene is generally steady and appropriate. However, the transition between scenes could be smoother and more seamless. Consider utilizing transitional elements such as dissolves or crosscuts to enhance the flow and continuity between the various locations.

          Overall, the scene has potential but would benefit from further development of the characters, more engaging dialogue, and utilizing the settings to enhance the overall impact.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

          1. Provide more specific and vivid descriptions of the characters and their actions. For example, instead of just saying "Frank sits behind a desk holding a notebook," you could describe how Frank appears to be engrossed in the interview and taking meticulous notes.

          2. Add more depth to the dialogue between Frank and the female student. Instead of simply asking what the word "abroad" means, you could have Frank engage in a thought-provoking conversation with Judy about her personal experiences or aspirations related to traveling abroad. This would make the scene more engaging and reveal more about the characters.

          3. Consider adding some visual cues or props to make the scene more visually interesting. For example, instead of just having Frank draw a picture of an airplane on a chalkboard, you could have him use a model airplane or a projector to demonstrate different parts of the plane. This would add a visual element to the scene and make it more dynamic.

          4. Build up the tension and anticipation in the scene where the winners of the competition are announced. Instead of just stating that the girls scream and hug each other, you could describe the intensity of their emotions, their reactions, and the atmosphere in the gymnasium. This would heighten the dramatic impact of the moment.

          5. Add more description and details to the scene at the Miami International Airport. Instead of simply stating that the police officers are bored and the girls walk into the airport unnoticed, you could describe the officers' expressions and body language, as well as the girls' confidence and the attention they receive from bystanders. This would make the scene more visually compelling and memorable.

          6. Consider adding more suspense and urgency to the scene where Joe Shaye receives the announcement and sees the girls approaching. You could describe Joe's internal conflict and his quick decision to pick up the white phone, as well as his adrenaline-fueled sprint through the airport. This would create a sense of impending danger and raise the stakes for the upcoming events.



          Scene 33 -  The Pursuit
          177 EXT. - MIAMI AIRPORT - WHITE CADILLAC. - DAY 177

          FORTY FBI AGENTS and MIAMI POLICE OFFICERS slowly approach
          the white Cadillac. Joe Shaye has his gun drawn.

          JOE SHAYE
          Frank, get out of the car! Put your
          hands on the hood! There's no place
          to run, so just make it easy on
          yourself!
          The car door opens, aMd YEAR-OLD kid gets out of the
          car, his hands shaking s e(jtares at Joe -- the pilot's
          cap falling off his head.

          KID
          Don't shoot me ! I ' m\§ ,s` ' ,driver!
          A man paid me a hundr ars to
          wear this uniform and p someone
          up at the airport!

          II

          JOE SHAYE
          who are you picking up?

          KID
          Joe Shaye.
          Joe lowers his gun, immediately turns back toward theairport
          --
          watches as a BRITISH AIRWAYS JET takes off and flies
          overhead,
          banking left and sailing out over the ocean.

          178 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - WASHINGTON D.C. - DAY 178

          Snow is falling outside Joe's office window, which overlooks
          a parking lot. Joe sits at his desk staring down at some
          COUNTERFEIT CHECKS. A SECRETARY WALKS in and hands him an
          envelope.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          108.

          178 CONTINUED: 178
          SECRETARY
          This just came for you, Sir. Who do
          you know in Liverpool?
          Joe takes the envelope and slowly opens it. He pulls out a
          stack of BLACK AND WHITE PHOTOGRAPHS, all of which show the
          EIGHT COLLEGE GIRLS in various locations. There are shots of
          them on the SPANISH STEPS IN ROME, at the EIFFEL TOWER, in
          front of BUCKINGHAM PALACE, and in front of SCOTLAND YARD.
          A POSTCARD OF THE MONA LISA is inside the envelope, with the
          words "WISH YOU WERE HERE" written across the back.

          179 EXT. - MONTPELIER FRANCE. - DAY 179

          The vineyards of Montpelier stretch across the Bas Languedoc
          valley, where tourists drive through on their way to the
          Mediterranean. Frank is eating an ice cream as he walks down
          the main street, the shops and restaurants open and busy for
          the summer. Frank stops a DELIVERY BOY on a bicycle.

          FRANK
          Excuse me. Do u know where the
          Lavalier fa lives?

          180 EXT. - LAVALIER HOME. 180

          Frank is knocking on the dbe Oo the main house of a small
          vineyard. MONIQUE LAVALIER, answers the front door
          holding a baby.

          FRANK
          Hello. Do you speak English?
          Monique nods.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          My name is Frank. My mother is Paula
          Lavalier. I was hoping to find my
          family.
          Monique takes Frank by the hand, starts to smile.

          MONIQUE
          I am Monique, your aunt.
          Monique hugs him, kisses his cheeks.

          MONIQUE (CONT'D)

          (IN FRENCH)
          Pappa! Paula's boy is here!
          Debbie Zane - 5
          109.

          181 INT. - LAVALIER HOME. - DINNER TABLE. - LATE 181

          The entire family is sitting around the dinner table,
          staring
          at Frank as he takes a sip of wine.

          FRANK
          It's very good wine.
          The family starts to laugh at him.

          FRANK (CONT'D)
          What?

          MARCEL
          The wine here is shit. This valley
          only grows shit wine. It is used for
          stretching.

          FRANK
          What's stretching?

          MONIQUE
          They send our ne by truck to the
          famous vine r of Bordeaux and
          Burgundy, a d mix it with the
          good wine to r (he people.

          PAPP
          The Americans thi
          only the best. But
          drinking the shit fro
          Everyone laughs hysterically, and Frank joins in, the family
          laughing together as they eat Sunday dinner.

          182 INT. - LAVALIER HOME. - NIGHT. 182

          Frank is sitting in the living room staring at a photo
          album.
          He sees the old picture of his mother and father sitting on
          the American tank.

          MONIQUE
          Here. Your mother sent me this to me
          a few months ago.
          Monique hands Frank a color photograph. Frank looks at the
          picture, sees Paula standing with Jack Wright, holding a
          BABY in her arms.

          MONIQUE (CONT'D)
          You look like your new sister.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          110.

          182 CONTINUED: 182
          Frank stares at the picture, then hands the picture back to
          Monique.

          FRANK
          Everyone says that.

          183 INT. - UNIVERSITY OF MONTPELIER. - DAY 183

          Frank walks into a large classroom filled with COLLEGE
          FRESHMAN. He turns and writes his name on the blackboard:

          MR. WAGNER.

          FRANK
          My name is Frank Wagner, and I'll be
          teaching the Summer session of
          American History, the same course I
          taught at Yale last year. Why don't
          you all open your books to chapter
          one, read quietly to yourselves.

          184 INT. - LAVALIER HOUSE. - NIGHT 184

          The family is eating di r together, and Frank looks
          surprised as Pappa La r brings a birthday cake out from
          the kitchen. As every nS is to sing-..
          F o.)
          Dear Dad. I'm re ad %ow, living a
          quiet life in a sm lage in
          France. I hope you g well,
          and you're not mad at running
          away.
          Frank blows out the candles on the cake.
          FRANK (V.0.) (cont'd)
          Yesterday was my 19th birthday, and
          when I blew out the candles I wished
          that we could all be together, the
          three of us living in our old house
          in New Rochelle.
          Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

          Summary Frank, posing as a pilot, is caught by Joe Shaye at the Miami International Airport but is revealed to be an innocent kid hired to wear the uniform. Joe receives photographs of the college girls and a postcard from Liverpool. Frank finds his family in France and celebrates his birthday with them. Then he starts teaching American History at the University of Montpellier.
          Strengths "Strong plot development, surprise reveal of innocent character, emotional family reunion"
          Weaknesses "Lack of depth in characters, dialogue could be more impactful"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene is well-executed and moves the plot forward, but there is room for improvement in building tension and emotional impact.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of Frank evading capture while trying to find his family is interesting, but could be further developed.

          Plot: 8

          The plot thickens with Joe receiving new information and Frank finding his family, leading to new developments and challenges.

          Originality: 3

          The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. There are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The characters' actions and dialogue are relatively predictable and do not offer any surprising or unexpected elements.


          Character Development

          Characters: 7

          The characters are well-defined, but could benefit from more depth and complexity.

          Character Changes: 6

          While Frank finding his family is a significant change, other characters could undergo more development and transformation.

          Internal Goal: 5

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, as the focus is more on the external events and conflicts. However, it can be inferred that Joe Shaye is driven by a desire to catch criminals and maintain law and order.

          External Goal: 8

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to apprehend the criminal, Frank, who is posing as an airport driver. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenge of stopping a potential criminal act.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          There is tension and conflict in the scene, particularly during the airport confrontation and the revelation of Frank's family.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in the scene is strong, as Joe Shaye confronts Frank and there is uncertainty regarding Frank's true identity and motives. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome of the situation.

          High Stakes: 7

          The stakes are raised with the airport confrontation and Frank's search for his family, but could be heightened further.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing new information, challenges, and character connections.

          Unpredictability: 4

          This scene is somewhat predictable, as the outcome of the confrontation between Joe Shaye and Frank is expected. However, the revelation that Frank is not the criminal adds a small element of unpredictability.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 7

          The scene has some emotional moments, but could benefit from more impactful storytelling.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue is functional and helps move the story forward, but lacks memorable lines or strong emotional impact.

          Engagement: 6

          This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful and tense atmosphere created by the presence of law enforcement agents and the potential criminal act. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience interested in the unfolding events.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene is fast and effective, with concise and action-oriented dialogue and minimal narrative description. This contributes to the overall tension and urgency of the scene.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of spacing, indentation, and capitalization. The dialogue is properly formatted and attributed to the characters.

          Structure: 7

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The transitions between locations are clearly indicated.


          Critique Overall, the scene provides a clear and concise visual description of the setting and characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

          1. Formatting: The scene headings should be in all uppercase letters, such as "177 EXT. MIAMI AIRPORT - WHITE CADILLAC - DAY." Additionally, the use of "CONTINUED" after the scene heading is unnecessary and breaks the flow of the script.

          2. Dialogue: The dialogue could be more natural and realistic. Some of the lines, such as "There's no place to run, so just make it easy on yourself!" feel cliche and melodramatic. It would be helpful to focus on creating dialogue that is more authentic and specific to each character's voice and personality.

          3. Action Description: The action description could be more detailed and specific, particularly when it comes to character movement and reactions. For example, instead of simply saying "Frank is eating an ice cream," it would be more engaging to describe how he eats it, what flavor it is, or how he reacts to the taste.

          4. Visual Imagery: The scene could benefit from more vivid and evocative visual descriptions. This will help to create a clearer picture in the reader's mind and enhance the overall cinematic experience. For example, when describing the vineyards of Montpelier, adding details about the colors, the scent of the grapes, or the sound of birds could heighten the sensory experience for the reader.

          By addressing these areas, the scene can be further improved to create a more engaging and visually captivating experience for the reader.
          Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Clarify the setting: Provide more details about the Miami airport and the surroundings to help immerse the audience in the scene.

          2. Character development: Provide more information about Joe Shaye and Frank to add depth to their characters and make the audience emotionally invested in their conflict.

          3. Dialogue: Make the dialogue more natural and engaging. Add subtext or emotional nuances to the conversation between Joe Shaye and the Kid to create tension and suspense.

          4. Action description: Use vivid and concise language to describe the actions and movements of the characters. Focus on visual details that enhance the scene's impact.

          5. Visual contrast: Create a clear contrast between the intense action at the Miami airport and the calmness of Joe's office in Washington D.C.

          6. The transition between scenes: Make the transition between the two scenes smoother and more seamless. Consider using a linking element or motif to connect the two locations, such as a visual transition or a thematic connection.

          7. Utilize symbolism: Explore the symbolic meaning behind certain elements, such as the black and white photographs and the postcard of the Mona Lisa. Use these symbols to enhance the overall theme or message of the film.

          8. Emotional depth: Add emotional moments and character interactions to create a more meaningful and resonant experience for the audience. This can be achieved through dialogue, expressions, or small gestures.

          9. Setting description: Provide more details about the location in Montpelier, France, to help the audience visualize the vineyards and create a sense of atmosphere.

          10. Cultural authenticity: Research and accurately portray the French culture and language in the dialogue and interactions between Frank and the Lavalier family.

          Overall, focus on enhancing the visual and emotional impact of the scene, while also developing the characters and their relationships.



          Scene 34 -  Frank discovers the family business
          185 EXT. - LAVALIER HOUSE. - DAY 185

          Frank is working in the garden, surrounded by roses. Monique
          walks out of the house.

          MONIQUE
          I have to pick Pappa up, his car is
          dead. Come with me, Frank, you can
          see where he works?
          Debbie Zane - 5




          186 EXT. - WAREHOUSE. - OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN. - DAY 186

          Frank and Monique pull up to the front of a large warehouse.

          FRANK
          What is this place?

          MONIQUE
          The family business.

          FRANK
          I thought the family business was
          wine?

          MONIQUE
          No. Paper.

          187 INT. - PRINT SHOP. - DAY 187


          CLOSE ON A PROFESSIONAL PRINTING PRESS, 90 FEET LONG, TEN

          FEET WIDE.
          The giant machine fills warehouse. SIX MEN work in the
          massive press room, t r afening THUMP of the machine
          shaking
          the walls as it strugYle, it out 10 COLOR PAGES a minute.
          WE SEE samples of their ning the walls -- FRENCH

          NEWSPAPERS, COLOR POSTER RTISEMENTS.

          CLOSE ON FRANK
          staring up at the giant PRINTIN his body limp, h is
          face cold. Pappa Lavalier, shift and smoking, walks
          toward him with a big smile.

          PAPPA
          What do you think?

          FRANK
          I've read books about these machines.
          But I've never seen one.

          PAPPA
          You want me to show you how it works?

          FRANK
          Yes.

          PAPPA
          For color printing we set the back
          gears, then put the plates in up-
          side-down, pour the ink in last,

          (MORE)

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          112.

          187 CONTINUED: 187

          PAPPA (CONT'D)
          never when it's cold, then we roll
          the cylinder brakes until they
          catch...
          CLOSE ON FRANK
          Lost in his own world, his mind racing as he stares at every
          part of the machine -- his eyes cold with excitement and
          dread.

          188 INT. - PRINTING ROOM. - NIGHT 188

          The PRINTING PRESS is thumping and grinding, the lights low,
          the press room empty except for Frank, who stands at one end
          of the machine, his shirt off, working like a man obsessed
          as he operates the massive press by himself -- THOUSANDS OF

          PERFECT BLUE AND WHITE PAN AM CHECKS SLIDING OFF THE PAPER

          ROLLS AND DROPPING TO THE FLOOR.

          189 INT. - LAVALIER HOUSE. - MONTPELIER. - NIGHT 189

          Frank reaches into the k of the closet and pulls out his
          PILOT'S UNIFORM. As h s ps on the jacket, Monique walks in
          and turns on the light. i ees his suitcase on the bed.

          FRANK
          I don't know.

          190 INT. - FBI OFFICE. - WASHINGTON.

          Joe Shaye is sitting in his office trying to use an electric
          pencil sharpener, which is broken. As Joe pulls out a half-
          eaten pencil, Fox and Amdursky walk in holding an envelope,
          big smiles on their faces.

          AMDURSKY
          Joe...he cashed a check in Madrid.

          191 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - WASHINGTON D.C. - DAY 191

          Joe, Wilkes, Amdursky and Fox are facing Director Marsh, a
          stack of checks on the desk in front of him.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          113.
          191 CONTINUED: 191

          JOE SHAYE
          Singapore. Australia. South America:'
          Egypt. He's also hit almost every
          major bank in Europe.

          FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
          How many checks?

          SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
          Thousands.

          FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
          Why wasn't I called?

          JOE SHAYE
          Nobody was called, Sir. The banks
          didn't know what was happening until
          last week. We think he's been on the
          run for five months.

          FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
          That's impossible. Pan Am would have
          called us.
          They didn't c
          forging -- and
          counterfeiting.

          JOE SHAYE
          He's making real checks, Sir. These
          are so perfect, Pan Am cashed them
          all.

          FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
          where is he?

          JOE SHAYE
          The last check was cashed in Paris a
          week ago. He'll stay there another
          week before he moves on. We have to
          go now, Sir, today!

          FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
          Go where?

          JOE SHAYE
          Paris.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -
          114.

          191 CONTINUED: (2) 191

          FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
          I'm sorry, Joe. If we couldn't catch'
          him here, we're not gonna catch him
          there.
          Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

          Summary Frank is taken by his girlfriend Monique to her family's warehouse, which is the family business. He is amazed by the printing press and is shown how it works by Monique's father. Frank becomes obsessed with the machine and starts operating it by himself. He successfully prints thousands of perfect blue and white Pan Am checks. Meanwhile, Joe Shaye, an FBI agent, gets a tip about Frank's location and realizes he has been on the run for months. The FBI decides to go to Paris to try and catch him.
          Strengths "Engaging plot, suspenseful tone, high stakes"
          Weaknesses "Dialogue could be more engaging"

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 8

          The scene is engaging and suspenseful. It introduces a new setting and raises the stakes for the main character.


          Story Content

          Concept: 7

          The concept of Frank using a printing press to create counterfeit checks is unique and intriguing.

          Plot: 8

          The plot progresses as Frank becomes more involved in counterfeiting and the FBI closes in on him.

          Originality: 8

          This scene introduces a unique element with the professional printing press and the protagonist's fascination with it. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


          Character Development

          Characters: 7

          The characters are driven by their goals: Frank is obsessed with printing, and Joe Shaye is determined to catch him.

          Character Changes: 8

          Frank becomes more obsessed with printing and takes on a dangerous role as a counterfeiter.

          Internal Goal: 7

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to learn about and understand the printing press. It reflects his curiosity and passion for technology.

          External Goal: 8

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to accompany Monique to pick up her father and see where he works. It reflects the immediate circumstances of the car being dead and the challenge of navigating unfamiliar territory.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          There is a high level of conflict as Frank engages in illegal activities and the FBI intensifies its pursuit.

          Opposition: 6

          The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. While there is some potential conflict in the protagonist's decision to operate the printing press himself, it is not a difficult obstacle to overcome and the outcome is relatively predictable.

          High Stakes: 9

          The stakes are high as Frank engages in counterfeiting and the FBI closes in on him.

          Story Forward: 8

          The scene moves the story forward by raising the stakes for the main character and introducing a new setting and conflict.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene has some unpredictability as the protagonist's fascination with the printing press and his decision to operate it himself adds a sense of uncertainty and tension.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 7

          The scene creates tension and suspense as Frank becomes more involved in counterfeiting and the FBI gets closer to catching him.

          Dialogue: 6

          The dialogue is functional and serves to provide information about the plot and characters.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it introduces a new and fascinating element (the printing press) and raises questions about the protagonist's involvement with it. The dialogue between characters is natural and adds to the intrigue.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene is effective in conveying the protagonist's excitement and curiosity. The use of specific details and the protagonist's internal thoughts create a rhythm and flow that keeps the scene engaging.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 10

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper capitalization, punctuation, and indentation.

          Structure: 9

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.


          Critique Overall, this scene effectively sets up the next part of the story and provides important information about Frank's background and his involvement in counterfeiting checks. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

          One issue is the lack of visual description. As a screenwriting expert, it's important to provide clear and concise visual details that will help the reader visualize the scene. For example, instead of simply saying "Frank is working in the garden," you could describe how he is tending to the roses or what specific actions he is taking. Adding more visual details will enhance the reader's experience and make the scene more engaging.

          Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened up. For example, instead of Monique saying "Come with me, Frank, you can see where he works?" she could simply say "Come with me, Frank. I'll show you where he works." This eliminates unnecessary repetition and makes the dialogue more concise and natural.

          Furthermore, the scene could benefit from more character development, particularly for Frank. Explore his emotions and reactions more deeply, especially when he sees the printing press for the first time. Show his excitement, but also convey his sense of dread or unease. This will make the scene more dynamic and give the audience a better understanding of Frank's character.

          Overall, with some minor revisions to visual description, dialogue, and character development, this scene has the potential to be a strong and impactful moment in the script.
          Suggestions Overall, the scene is effective in terms of conveying information and progressing the story. However, there are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

          1. Clarify the location: In the first scene, it is not clear where they are picking up Pappa. Adding a location, such as "EXT. - LAVALIER HOUSE. - DAY" would help set the scene.

          2. Provide more visual descriptions: Describe the surroundings of the warehouse and the print shop in more detail. This will help the reader visualize the setting and make it more engaging.

          3. Use more active language: Instead of saying "Frank is working in the garden," consider describing how Frank is working in the garden. For example, "Frank digs a hole in the garden, sweat dripping from his brow."

          4. Avoid repetitive dialogue: In scene 187, Monique's response to Frank's question about the family business ("No. Paper.") is a repetition of information already provided. Consider deleting this line or replacing it with new information that adds depth to the characters or story.

          5. Show Frank's emotions more explicitly: In scene 187, instead of saying "Lost in his own world, his mind racing," consider describing Frank's physical reactions or facial expressions to convey his excitement and dread more effectively.

          6. Add more tension: Consider adding a sense of urgency or a conflict within the FBI office scene to heighten the stakes and make the scene more engaging.

          These suggestions should help improve the scene and make it more compelling for the reader or viewer.



          Scene 35 -  The Hunt
          192 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - NIGHT 192

          Joe paces in his office, holding the phone and talking much
          too loud, his voice echoing through the hallways.

          JOE SHAYE
          English. Do you speak English? I'm
          an American FBI Agent. Hello? Shit!
          Joe slams down the phone, walks out'of his office.
          JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
          Does anyone here speak French. I
          need someone who speaks French!

          193 INT. - FBI CONFERENCE ROOM. - DAY 193

          Amdursky and Fox walk i the conference room with OLIVER,
          a heavy set man who 1 terrified as they sit him down
          next to Joe.
          JOE SHAYE Jp
          Agent Luc, I need you t anslate
          for me.

          FOX
          He's not an agent, Joe. He's a waiter
          at the restaurant around the corner.

          194 INT. - FRENCH POLICE STATION. - DAY 194

          POLICE DETECTIVE JULIEN, 40's, sits at his desk doing a
          crossword puzzle in the middle of a busy French police
          station. His phone rings, and he answers.

          DETECTIVE JULIEN
          Julien.
          195 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - DAY 195

          Oliver is on the phone, nervously sitting behind Joe's desk.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          115.

          195 CONTINUED: 195

          JOE SHAYE
          Who answered the phone? What's his
          name.

          OLIVER
          His name is Detective Julien. He
          works in the vice squad in Paris

          JOE SHAYE
          That's fine. Tell him I have a
          proposition for him. Tell him the
          FBI has a proposition for him.
          Oliver translates as Joe paces in front of him.

          OLIVER
          Okay. What's the proposition?

          JOE SHAYE
          Ask him if he'd like to catch the
          greatest bank robber the world has
          ever known.

          196

          CLOSE ON
          DETECTIVE JULIEN sitting al--h!ts ri�esk, his expression
          suddenly
          changing as he glances aroun tation. He quickly puts
          the crossword puzzle away and rips into the phone.
          Abagnale.

          197 EXT. - PARIS. - DAY
          Frank steps out of the lobby doors or a hotel, walks toward
          a waiting limousine. A DRIVER opens the door for him -- a
          YOUNG KID that wears a black suit and hat.

          FRENCH CHAUFFEUR
          Where to, Mister Wagner?

          FRANK
          Let's go for a drive. I need some
          supplies.
          The limo drives off.
          Debbie Zane - 5




          116.

          198 EXT. - PARIS STREETS 198


          JOE SHAYE (V.0.)
          When he gets to a new city he starts
          out slow, hitting the banks on the
          outskirts of town. At first it's
          small checks in small banks that
          pose little or no threat.
          WE HEAR OLIVER'S TRANSLATION behind Joe's voice.
          JOE SHAYE (V.O.) (cont'd)
          Then he starts moving in, circling
          the city like a mother hawk, picking
          off every little bank he can find --
          slowly inching his way toward the
          center of the city.

          199 INT. - STATIONARY STORE. - PARIS. - DAY 199

          Frank stands at the counter of a stationery store, looking
          into a glass case filled with expensive pens.

          JOE SHA �1
          There's always one ba 's bigger
          and richer than all the ers. This
          is what he came for, and he'll watch
          it for days. He'll know if they add
          a security-guard, or bring in a new
          teller. And if he sees anything out
          of place, a new cleaning man, a window
          shade that's up instead of down,
          he'll move on to the next one. That's
          the luxury of having the entire world
          as your mark.

          200 EXT. - PARIS STREET. - DAY 200


          CLOSE ON
          DETECTIVE JULIEN -- standing in the middle of Paris, looking
          down an endless row of massive banks.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          117.

          200 CONTINUED: 200

          JOE SHAYE (V.O.)
          He'll make his move right before
          lunch, when everyone's mind is on
          food and the lines are short. And he
          likes to stand out -- draw attention
          to himself.

          201 EXT. - BANK OF PARIS. - DAY 201

          A massive bank in the middle of the city. WE SEE Frank's
          limo pulling up to the curb, and Frank waiting for the
          driver
          to open the door before he gets out.

          JOE SHAYE (V.0.)
          The more people see him, the more
          invisible he becomes.

          202 INT. - BANK OF PARIS. - DAY 202

          Frank walks into the bank, takes out a leather case and
          opens
          it, revealing a checkbook. He takes his Waldmann pen from
          his pocket, smiles at a female TELLER.
          Hello. I need sh this. My wife
          and I are goi o(orway this
          afternoon.
          Frank turns the check over a tees L.
          check to the teller, but she s take 1 it.

          FRANK (CONT
          Is there something wrong?
          The bank teller is shaking and staring at Frank. He slowly
          turns around, sees DETECTIVE JULIEN standing behind him with
          his gun drawn.

          203 INT. - FBI CONFERENCE ROOM. - NIGHT 203

          Joe, Amdursky, and Fox are all half asleep, waiting in the
          FBI CONFERENCE ROOM. The clock on the wall reads 3 a.m. --
          and the phone finally rings.
          Before he even picks it up, Joe Shaye starts to smile.
          Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

          Summary Frank, posing as a pilot, is caught by Joe Shaye at the Miami International Airport but is revealed to be an innocent kid hired to wear the uniform. Joe receives photographs of the college girls and a postcard from Liverpool. Frank finds his family in France and celebrates his birthday with them. Then he starts teaching American History at the University of Montpellier.
          Strengths
          • Building suspense and tension
          • Introducing new characters and locations
          • Exploring Frank's bank-robbing strategy
          Weaknesses
          • Lack of memorable dialogue
          • Limited character development

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene effectively builds suspense and tension as Joe Shaye tries to capture Frank. It also introduces new characters and locations, adding depth to the overall story.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of a master con artist evading capture and outsmarting law enforcement is engaging and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. It is executed well in this scene through the introduction of Detective Julien and Frank's intricate bank-robbing strategy.

          Plot: 9

          The plot progresses significantly in this scene as Joe Shaye discovers Frank's location and makes a proposition to Detective Julien. Frank's actions in Paris also foreshadow future conflicts and developments.

          Originality: 4

          The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situation of an FBI agent needing a translator and proposing a partnership with the local police is a familiar setup in crime and detective stories. The dialogue and actions of the characters are authentic and realistic, but they do not offer any fresh or unexpected approaches.


          Character Development

          Characters: 7

          The scene focuses mainly on Joe Shaye and Detective Julien, providing insight into their roles and motivations in the story. However, more character development could enhance the overall impact of the scene.

          Character Changes: 6

          There are no significant character changes in this scene, but it sets the stage for potential changes to come.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a French translator who can assist him in his investigation. This reflects his desire to solve the case and catch the greatest bank robber in the world. It also reflects his determination and resourcefulness as an FBI agent.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to communicate with Detective Julien and propose a partnership between the FBI and the French police to catch the bank robber. This goal reflects the immediate challenge the protagonist is facing, which is the language barrier and the need for a translator.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 8

          There is a high level of conflict in this scene, as Joe Shaye is determined to capture Frank and Frank continues to evade him. Detective Julien's involvement adds another layer of conflict.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The protagonist faces the obstacle of finding a French translator and convincing the local police to collaborate. The audience is unsure of how these challenges will be resolved.

          High Stakes: 8

          The stakes are high in this scene as Joe Shaye comes closer to capturing Frank and Frank continues his criminal activities. The potential consequences add tension and urgency to the narrative.

          Story Forward: 9

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing new developments, such as Detective Julien joining the pursuit of Frank and Frank's activities in Paris.

          Unpredictability: 6

          This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability. While the overall goal of catching the bank robber is clear, the specific details and outcome of the proposed partnership between the FBI and French police are uncertain. The audience doesn't know how Detective Julien will respond to the proposition.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 6

          The scene lacks emotional depth, focusing more on the suspense and thrill of the chase. However, the audience may feel a sense of anticipation and excitement.

          Dialogue: 6

          The dialogue serves its purpose of conveying important information and advancing the plot, but it lacks memorable or impactful lines.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents a clear objective for the protagonist, introduces a potential source of conflict in finding a translator, and creates a sense of urgency in catching the bank robber. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

          Pacing: 9

          The pacing of this scene is effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. It moves quickly and keeps the audience engaged with concise dialogue and action. The rhythm of the scene matches the emotional intensity of the protagonist's internal and external goals.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene is well executed and follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, concise and properly formatted dialogue, and effective use of action lines.

          Structure: 7

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the protagonist's goal, presents the obstacles he faces, and sets up the next phase of the story. The scene is well-paced and effectively conveys the necessary information.


          Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue is clear and the actions of the characters are described effectively. However, there are a few areas where some improvement could be made to enhance the scene.

          Firstly, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to create a stronger visual image for the reader. For example, instead of simply stating "Joe paces in his office," you could add more details about Joe's body language and the atmosphere of the office to create a more vivid picture. Additionally, providing more sensory details, such as the sound of Joe's voice echoing through the hallways, could help to further immerse the reader in the scene.

          The dialogue could also be more nuanced to better reflect the personalities and motivations of the characters. For instance, Joe's frustration and urgency could be conveyed through his words and tone, rather than relying solely on the description of him talking too loud. Adding some internal thoughts or reactions from the other characters could also help to further develop their personalities and provide insights into their perspectives.

          Additionally, the scene could benefit from some tightening in terms of pacing and structure. Some of the details and actions described, such as Oliver nervously sitting behind Joe's desk, may not be necessary for the progression of the scene and could potentially be cut to streamline the narrative. Consider focusing on the essential actions and dialogue that move the story forward and maintain the reader's interest.

          Overall, the scene shows promise and effectively sets up the conflict and tension in the story. With some additional attention to descriptive language, dialogue, and pacing, it could be further improved to create a more engaging and immersive reading experience.
          Suggestions Overall, the scene is effective in establishing the tension and the urgency of the situation. However, there are a few suggestions to improve the clarity and flow of the scene:

          1. Provide more context for Joe's frustration in Scene 192. Instead of simply having him slam down the phone and walk out, consider adding a line or a quick action that shows his frustration with the language barrier or the lack of help he is receiving.

          2. In Scene 193, clarify who Oliver is in relation to Joe, Amdursky, and Fox. Is he a member of the team or a bystander who happened to be around? This will help the audience understand why Joe turns to him for translation.

          3. In Scene 194, consider adding a line or an action that shows Detective Julien's initial disinterest in the phone call, to create a stronger contrast when he suddenly becomes interested in the proposition.

          4. In Scene 195, provide a transition to show Oliver getting on the phone or speaking to Detective Julien. This will make it clearer that he is translating for Joe.

          5. In Scene 196, consider adding a line or an action for Detective Julien to indicate his understanding of the name "Abagnale." This will help set up the following scenes and build anticipation for the encounter between Frank and Julien.

          6. In Scene 198, clarify who is speaking in the voiceover. Is it Joe or someone else? This will help the audience understand the significance of the information being shared.

          7. In Scene 200, consider adding a line or an action for Detective Julien to show his determination to catch Frank. This will help establish the stakes and create more tension.

          8. In Scene 202, describe the reactions of the people in the bank as Frank stands out and draws attention to himself. This will help emphasize the contrast between his boldness and his ability to blend in.

          9. In Scene 203, describe the emotions and reactions of Joe, Amdursky, and Fox as they wait in the FBI conference room. This will help convey their exhaustion and anticipation for the phone call.

          By implementing these suggestions, the scene can be strengthened to better convey the tension and urgency of the situation while providing clarity for the audience.



          Scene 36 -  The Courtroom
          204 INT. - FRENCH COURTROOM. - DAY 204

          A packed courtroom. Frank's hands and legs are shackled. He
          stands before a JUDGE who is reading his sentence.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -




          118.

          204 CONTINUED:

          204

          FRENCH JUDGE

          (IN FRENCH)
          Frank William Abagnale Jr., I sentence
          you to two years in Papigone prison.

          205 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON. - PARIS. - DAY 205

          A cell door closes.
          206 INT. - AIR FRANCE AIRPLANE FLIGHT 676. - DAY 206

          Frank and Joe Shaye are sitting next to each other in the
          back of the plane. Through the window Frank can see the
          skyline of Manhattan. Amdursky and Fox are smoking in the
          aisle.

          FRANK
          Joe, you have to let me call my father
          when we land- I want to talk to him
          before he sees me on television.

          JOE SHAYE
          Your father i ead, Frank. I'm sorry.
          Frank turns to Joe.
          JOu i (cont' d)
          He committed su 0�.cL didn't want
          to be the one to t

          FRANK
          Suicide. No. That's imps 'ibl

          JOE SHAYE
          They found him inside his car, the
          motor running, the garage door shut.

          FRANK
          who are they to think that? Who are
          they to say something like that?!

          JOE SHAYE
          It's okay, Frank.

          FRANK
          Joe, I'm gonna be sick! I have to
          use the bathroom.
          Joe quickly takes off Frank's handcuffs, and he jumps from
          his seat and runs into the bathroom. Joe stands in the aisle
          with Amdursky and Fox.
          Debbie Zane - 5




          119.
          Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

          Summary Frank is sentenced to two years in prison in France. He is then seen on a flight with Joe Shaye, who informs him of his father's suicide. Frank becomes distraught and rushes to the bathroom.
          Strengths
          • Emotional impact
          • Character development
          • Plot progression
          Weaknesses
          • Possible lack of clarity regarding Frank's legal situation and the reason for his father's suicide

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 7

          The scene is well-executed and emotionally impactful, providing important plot developments and revealing more about Frank's character.


          Story Content

          Concept: 6

          The concept of Frank being sentenced to prison and learning about his father's suicide is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

          Plot: 8

          The plot progresses as Frank faces legal consequences and deals with personal tragedy.

          Originality: 4

          The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. It follows a typical courtroom and airplane setting, without presenting any unique situations or fresh approaches. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and realistic.


          Character Development

          Characters: 8

          Frank's emotional reaction and Joe's support showcase their strong character development.

          Character Changes: 8

          Frank experiences a significant change as he grapples with the death of his father.

          Internal Goal: 9

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to process the news of his sentence and cope with the emotional turmoil it brings. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance and redemption, as well as his fear of the consequences of his actions.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to call his father before he sees him on television, in order to have a personal conversation with him. It reflects the immediate circumstance of being in an airplane and the challenge of limited communication options.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 7

          The conflict arises from Frank's legal situation and the revelation about his father's suicide.

          Opposition: 7

          The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is facing the consequences of his actions and dealing with the emotional turmoil of his father's death. The audience is left uncertain about how the protagonist will cope with these challenges.

          High Stakes: 7

          The stakes are high as Frank faces imprisonment and copes with the loss of his father.

          Story Forward: 7

          The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges for Frank to overcome.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability. While the general outcome is known (the protagonist will serve a prison sentence), the specific details and emotional reactions of the characters add some unpredictability to the scene.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 9

          The scene is emotionally intense and the news of Frank's father's suicide is heartbreaking.

          Dialogue: 7

          The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and heartbreak of the scene.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents a critical moment in the protagonist's story, where he is facing the consequences of his actions. The emotional dialogue and the protagonist's vulnerability create a sense of tension and anticipation for the audience.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene is effective in creating tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The quick physical movements of the characters and the emotional dialogue contribute to the overall rhythm of the scene.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

          Structure: 8

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with the location and time, introduces the characters, and progresses the action and dialogue in a coherent manner.


          Critique Overall, this scene is emotionally charged and significant in terms of the character development and plot progression. The use of different locations also helps to establish a sense of movement in the story. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

          Firstly, the transition between the French courtroom and Papigone prison could be smoother. It is not clear how Frank ends up in prison after being sentenced in the courtroom. Adding a brief explanation or visual cue would help to clarify the transition.

          Additionally, the dialogue between Frank and Joe Shaye could be more natural and nuanced. The conversation about Frank's father's death feels somewhat forced and could benefit from more subtlety and emotional depth. It may be helpful to explore their emotions and reactions in more detail.

          Furthermore, the use of the bathroom scene feels slightly contrived and adds little to the overall story. Consider if there are other ways to show Frank's emotional distress without resorting to this cliché trope.

          Lastly, the scene could benefit from more visual description and sensory details to enhance the reader's immersion in the story. Adding specific actions, gestures, or settings would bring more life to the scene.

          Overall, this scene has strong potential but could be further developed to enhance its emotional impact and storytelling effectiveness.
          Suggestions Overall, this scene seems to be quite impactful and emotional. However, there are a few suggestions that could help improve it:

          1. Provide more description and visual details: In the courtroom scene, consider adding more description about the atmosphere, the reactions of the people in the courtroom, or any significant visuals that can enhance the tension and emotional impact.

          2. Clarify the location: In the prison scene (205), specify the location more clearly. For example, instead of just "Paris," you could mention the specific name of the prison or its surroundings to create a more vivid setting.

          3. Add depth to the dialogue: While the dialogue between Frank and Joe is emotional, consider adding more depth to their conversation. Explore their relationship and emotions further, including any regrets, fears, or hopes they might have. This will create stronger connections between the characters and deepen the impact on the audience.

          4. Show Frank's emotions: In the airplane scene, when Frank learns about his father's death, consider adding specific actions or reactions to depict his emotions. This could include physical signs of distress, like tears or trembling hands, or internal thoughts and moments of reflection to portray Frank's grief and shock.

          5. Provide more context: In the conversation between Frank and Joe about Frank's father's death, consider adding a bit more context about their relationship and how it affects Frank emotionally. This will further develop Frank's character and his motivations throughout the film.

          By incorporating these suggestions, you can enhance the emotional impact of the scene and create a more engaging experience for the audience.



          Scene 37 -  Frank's Escape
          207 INT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE BATHROOM. - MOMENTS LATER. 207'
          Frank is on his knees, tears running down his face as he
          uses the METAL TIP OF A FORK to unscrew a hard plastic plate
          above the toilet. The screws come free, and Frank is able to
          pull the entire TOILET UNIT away from the wall. He makes
          his way into a tiny crawispace, then pulls the toilet back
          against the wall.

          208 EXT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE MAIN CABIN. - MINUTES LATER. 208

          Joe Shaye checks his watch as a FLIGHT ATTENDANT walks past
          him and smiles.

          AIR FRANCE STEWARDESS
          You'll have to take your seat, Sir.
          We're about to land.
          Joe knocks on the bathroom door.

          JOE SHAYE
          Frank.

          (CONT' D)
          Frank! Come on;''rMnk, open the door!
          Damn it...Frank! O

          JOE SHAYE

          1.4
          Break it down.
          Amdursky starts kicking at the bathroom door, slamming his
          heel against the metal release. The door breaks free, and
          the three men stares in disbelief at the EMPTY BATHROOM.

          209 EXT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE/KENNEDY AIRPORT RUNWAY.-MOMENTS
          209


          LATER.
          The plane has landed and stopped short on the runway. WE SEE
          Frank crawling through a HATCH near the landing gear. He
          drops fifteen feet to the ground below, starts running
          across
          the runway.

          210 INT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE MAIN CABIN. - MOMENTS LATER 210

          All of the passengers remain seated as Joe, Amdursky and Fox
          stand in the aisle.

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane -
          120.

          210 CONTINUED: 210

          JOE SHAYS
          Look under every seat, in every
          bathroom. Check it all again, even
          the cockpit!
          As Joe starts moving through the plane, something outside
          the window catches his eye.

          211 EXT. - KENNEDY AIRPORT TARMAC. - DAY 211

          He sees Frank sprinting across the tarmac, making his way
          toward the terminal.

          ' 212 INT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE MAIN CABIN. - DAY 212


          JOE SHAYE
          God in heaven...

          213 INT. - LONG ISLAND CHURCH. - MORNING. 213

          A CHURCH CHOIR is singing COME HOME JESUS, Paula sitting in
          the front row in a pale blue dress and snow white hat. As
          the song ends, Paula se Frank enter the large, empty
          church.
          He is dazed and off b a e, his body still weak from prison.
          Mom...
          Frank stumbles down the cent e, dropping to his knees
          and fainting before he reach= h ter.

          214 INT. - CHURCH OFFICE. - DAY. 214


          FI
          Frank opens his eyes, sees his mother standing at the window
          in a PRIEST'S PRIVATE OFFICE -- a cigarette in her hand, a
          row of collection plates on the desk in front of her...

          PAULA
          You want a sip of water?
          Paula hands Frank some water. He sits up and stares at his
          mother.

          FRANK
          Why didn't you help him?

          PAULA
          I did help him. Near the end I sent
          him money, did you know that?

          (MORE)

          (CONTINUED)
          Debbie Zane - 5




          121.

          214 CONTINUED: 214

          PAULA (CONT'D)
          I paid his rent. I was a kid when we
          met, Frankie. I didn't even speak
          English -- I didn't even know his
          last name.

          FRANK
          Then why did you marry him?

          PAULA
          Because he got me pregnant. I was
          seventeen, and I was told I was going
          to marry him. They put me on a plane,
          and said I was the luckiest girl in
          the world.

          FRANK
          What about the baby?

          PAULA
          The baby died an hour after it was
          born. The Doctor's knew as soon as
          he came out.
          Paula lights a fresh

          CONT'D)
          It was a boy. T telling me
          I should hold him, didn't want
          to. I was scared he ie in my
          arms, so I said no. C imagine
          that, Frank, I didn't to hold
          my own son?
          Frank walks toward his mother and takes the cigarette out of
          her mouth.

          FRANK
          You promised.
          He doesn't look back at her as he walks out the door.

          215 EXT. - CHURCH. - DAY 215

          Frank looks dazed as he walks out of the small Church- As he
          makes his way down the steps, FOUR BLACK VANS speed up next
          to him, TWO TEAMS OF FBI AGENTS jumping out and grabbing
          him, throwing him to the ground as he rolls over without a
          fight, his body limp as he stares up at Joe Shaye.
          Debbie Zane -




          122.

          216 INT. - COURTROOM. - DAY 216

          Frank stands before a JUDGE who is sentencing him.

          JUDGE
          Taking into account your refusal to
          give back the money, your history of
          bold escape and your complete lack
          of respect for the uniform of the
          law, I have no choice but to sentence
          you to eighteen years in Atlanta's
          maximum security prison in Dixon
          county, and recommend strongly that
          you be kept in an isolation cell for
          the entirety of that sentence.

          217 INT. - MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON - ATLANTA 217.

          Frank stands in front of his cell in the isolation wing of
          the prison. There are no bars, no windows, just square,
          individual cell boxes. Frank walks into his cell, the door
          closing behind him.
          Genres: []

          Summary Frank, distraught over his father's suicide, escapes from the airplane bathroom and runs across the airport tarmac. He is eventually caught by Joe Shaye and taken into custody. Later, Frank reunites with his mother at a church, where she reveals the truth about his father. Frank confronts his mother and leaves, only to be apprehended by FBI agents outside the church. He is sentenced to 18 years in prison, with recommendation for isolation.
          Strengths
          • Emotional impact
          • Revelation of Frank's past
          • High stakes
          Weaknesses

            Ratings
            Overall

            Overall: 7

            The scene has high stakes with Frank's escape and subsequent capture by Joe Shaye. It also reveals important information about Frank's father and establishes the consequences of his actions.


            Story Content

            Concept: 6

            The concept of a daring escape and subsequent capture adds tension and drama to the story. The revelation about Frank's father adds emotional depth to the scene.

            Plot: 8

            The plot advances significantly with Frank's escape, his confrontation with his mother, and his capture by the FBI. It sets up the next phase of the story, where Frank will be serving a prison sentence.

            Originality: 7

            The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of escaping from an airplane is not entirely unique, the use of a bathroom as a hiding place and the subsequent chase and arrest add a fresh approach to the familiar trope. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue helps to ground the scene and make it feel more realistic.


            Character Development

            Characters: 7

            Frank's emotional state is showcased in his tears and his actions in the airplane bathroom. His confrontation with his mother reveals a complex relationship. Joe Shaye is determined to catch Frank and brings a sense of conflict.

            Character Changes: 6

            Frank experiences a range of emotions in this scene, from despair to anger. His confrontational attitude towards his mother shows a change in their relationship.

            Internal Goal: 8

            The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to escape from the airplane and reunite with his mother. This reflects his deeper need for freedom and redemption, as well as his fear of being caught and sent back to prison.

            External Goal: 7

            The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evade capture by Joe and the FBI agents. This goal reflects the immediate circumstance of being caught in the act of escaping from the plane and the challenge of avoiding detection and arrest.


            Scene Elements

            Conflict Level: 7

            There is a high level of conflict in the scene, from Frank's escape attempt to his confrontation with his mother and capture by the FBI.

            Opposition: 8

            The opposition in this scene is strong, as Joe and the FBI agents are actively trying to catch Frank and prevent him from escaping. The uncertainty of whether Frank will be caught or succeed in his escape creates tension and suspense.

            High Stakes: 9

            The stakes are high in this scene with Frank's attempt to escape, his confrontation with his mother, and his capture by the FBI. The consequences of his actions are severe, with a long prison sentence.

            Story Forward: 9

            The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing the consequences for Frank's actions and setting up the next phase of the story where he will be serving a prison sentence.

            Unpredictability: 7

            This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected actions and twists, such as Frank escaping through a hatch near the landing gear and being arrested at the church. These unexpected developments keep the reader guessing and create a sense of unpredictability.

            Philosophical Conflict: 5

            There is not a clear philosophical conflict evident in this scene. The focus is more on the protagonist's personal journey and external challenges.


            Audience Engagement

            Emotional Impact: 8

            The scene is emotionally impactful as it reveals the truth about Frank's father and shows Frank's distraught state. The confrontation with his mother is also emotionally charged.

            Dialogue: 6

            The dialogue serves its purpose in driving the plot forward and revealing important information about Frank's past.

            Engagement: 9

            This scene is engaging because it contains a sense of urgency and suspense, as well as emotional depth. The actions and dialogue of the characters contribute to the tension and make the reader invested in the outcome of the scene.

            Pacing: 9

            The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace and building suspense. The quick cuts between different locations and the use of concise and impactful writing help to create a sense of urgency and keep the reader engaged.


            Technical Aspect

            Formatting: 10

            The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses scene headings, action lines, and character names appropriately and consistently. The dialogue is properly formatted with character names and dialogue tags.

            Structure: 9

            The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with the location and time, followed by a series of specific actions and dialogue in chronological order. The scene progresses logically and effectively builds suspense and tension.


            Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively creates tension and suspense. The actions of the characters are clear and the dialogue drives the story forward. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

            First, the scene lacks visual description. While the actions of the characters are described, there is very little detail about the setting. Adding more visual cues would help to paint a clearer picture for the reader and enhance the overall atmosphere of the scene.

            Second, there are a few moments where the dialogue feels a bit repetitive. For example, when Joe Shaye is trying to get Frank to open the bathroom door, he repeats Frank's name several times. Finding alternate ways to express his urgency and frustration would make the dialogue more dynamic.

            Lastly, the transition between scenes could be smoother. There are a few instances where the scene abruptly cuts from one location to another without any indication of the passage of time. Adding a brief transitional sentence or using transition indicators like "LATER" would help to clarify the timeline of events.

            Overall, this scene effectively builds suspense and progresses the story, but could benefit from more visual description, dynamic dialogue, and smoother transitions between scenes.
            Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

            1. Provide more context: Before the scene starts, add a brief description or dialogue that explains why Frank is in the bathroom trying to remove the toilet unit. This will help the audience understand his motivation and what he hopes to achieve.

            2. Show Frank's emotions: Instead of just stating that Frank is on his knees with tears running down his face, show his emotions through his actions and dialogue. For example, you could have him breathe heavily, wipe his tears, or mutter to himself.

            3. Add tension: Create more tension in the scene by showing Joe and Amdursky's urgency to get Frank out of the bathroom. You can have Joe pound on the bathroom door, shout at Frank, or show his frustration.

            4. Use descriptive language: Instead of just stating that Frank crawls through a hatch near the landing gear, use descriptive language to make the scene more vivid. For example, you could describe the cramped space he's in, the sound of the hatch opening, or the feeling of the drop when he jumps down.

            5. Show the stakes: Make it clear why Joe, Amdursky, and Fox are so determined to find Frank. Show the passengers' reactions to the commotion, the concern on their faces, or have someone comment on the urgency of the situation.

            6. Provide more details about Frank's mother: In the scene at the church, add more information about Frank's relationship with his mother and the reasons behind his disappointment with her. This will deepen the emotional impact of the scene.

            7. Show Frank's internal struggle: When Paula confesses about her past, show Frank's conflicted emotions through his facial expressions, body language, or dialogue. This will highlight his internal struggle to reconcile his feelings towards his mother.

            8. Add visual elements: Use visual elements to enhance the scene, such as the contrast between the church choir singing and the confrontation between Frank and Paula, or the juxtaposition of the FBI agents surrounding Frank after his emotional confrontation with his mother.

            9. Create a cliffhanger: End the scene on a cliffhanger by showing the judge delivering the sentence but not revealing Frank's reaction. This will leave the audience curious and eager to find out what happens next.

            10. Establish the setting: Add more description to set the atmosphere of the maximum security prison. Show the cold, sterile environment of the cell, the lack of natural light, or the sound of other inmates in the distance. This will help create a vivid and immersive setting.



            Scene 38 -  Prison Visit
            218 INT. - PRISON VISITINc/RSM. - DAY 218
            Frank is wearing his pr1s f psuit as he's led into the
            visitor's room and place n a chair that faces bulletproof
            glass. Joe Shaye is sittin Qrdl4,s from him. They both pick
            up their phones.

            JOE SHAYE
            Merry Christmas, Frank.

            T
            Frank doesn't answer him.
            JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
            I got some cigarettes here.

            FRANK
            I don't smoke.
            An awkward moment as Joe puts the cigarettes on the floor.

            JOE SHAYE
            They say the first year inside is
            the hardest.

            FRANK
            You caught me. What do you want?

            (CONTINUED)
            Debbie Zane - 5




            123.

            218 CONTINUED: 218

            JOE SHAYE
            I don't know. Maybe this was a bad
            idea. I'll go.
            As Joe starts to put the phone down.

            FRANK
            You're still wearing a wedding ring.

            JOE SHAYE
            Yeah. The truth is, I'm divorced-
            I have a daughter who's nine.

            FRANK
            What's her name?

            JOE SHP_YE
            Vanessa. She lives in Chicago with
            her mother. I don't see her much.
            Frank stares at Joe for a BEAT.
            I'm on my way el tJe airport. I'm
            tracking a paper ge who's working
            his way through Mi�t This guy
            is driving us crazy.

            FRANK
            Do you have any of the checks?

            FL
            Joe hesitates, then opens his briefcase and takes out a
            CHECK.
            He holds it against the glass.

            JOE SHAYE
            This is a counterfeit from Great
            Lakes Savings and Loan. You can see
            that he's using a...

            FRANK
            It's a teller at the bank.

            JOE SHAYE
            What?

            FRANK
            It's a teller.

            (CONTINUED)

            DEBBIE ZANE




            124.

            218 CONTINUED: (2) 218
            JOE SHAYE
            How do you know?

            FRANK
            Every bank uses hand stamps for the
            dates. They get used over and over,
            so they're always worn down, and the
            numbers are always cracking -- the
            sixes and nines go first. Look at
            the date on that check -- the ink is
            worn flat, the nines and sixes are
            cracking -- that's the stamp of a
            teller, Joe. Looks like you got
            yourself an inside job.

            219 INT. - PRISON. - NIGHT 219

            Frank is lying in his cell, staring into the darkness.

            FRANK
            Eastern flight 794 you are clear to
            taxi on runway_two-zero-four. That's
            a big thank y, and goodbye, Newark.
            Ladies and eman, we are leveled
            off here at't five thousand
            feet. The sm gns have been
            turned off for of you in a
            designated smoki My name is
            Captain Frank Will so just
            sit back, relax, an the flight
            to Milan.

            220 INT. - JAIL CELL. - ATLANTA PRISON. - NIGHT 220

            The prison is locked down, the lights out for the night.
            Joe Shaye and Director Marsh are passing rows of dark cells
            as they make their way through the prison.
            Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

            Summary Frank is led into a visitor's room in a prison and sits across from Joe Shaye. They have an awkward conversation where Joe reveals he is divorced and has a daughter. Joe mentions tracking a counterfeiter and shows Frank a counterfeit check. Frank points out that it's an inside job. Later, Frank is seen lying in his cell and reciting pilot announcements. Joe and Director Marsh walk through the prison.
            Strengths
            • Engaging dialogue between Frank and Joe
            • Revelation of personal information and emotional moments
            • Mystery and intrigue surrounding the counterfeiter case
            Weaknesses
            • Some dialogue could be more impactful
            • Secondary characters could be further developed

            Ratings
            Overall

            Overall: 8

            The scene is well-written and creates tension through the conversation between Frank and Joe. There is a sense of mystery and intrigue as they discuss the counterfeiter case. The scene also has emotional impact as Frank learns about his father's suicide. However, some parts of the scene could be more impactful.


            Story Content

            Concept: 7

            The concept of a prison visit and the conversation between Frank and Joe about the counterfeiter case is interesting. Frank's ability to identify the inside job adds depth to the story. However, the scene could benefit from more unique elements.

            Plot: 8

            The scene moves the plot forward by revealing more about the counterfeiter case and Frank's personal life. It adds tension and raises questions about Frank's involvement. The scene also introduces the theme of deception and the consequences of Frank's actions.

            Originality: 6

            The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of a prison visiting room is familiar, the dialogue and the reveal of the counterfeiting investigation add a fresh twist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the realism of the scene.


            Character Development

            Characters: 8

            Frank and Joe are well-developed characters with clear motivations and conflicts. Their conversation reveals more about their personal lives and adds depth to their characters. However, some of the secondary characters could be further developed.

            Character Changes: 7

            Frank experiences a change in his emotional state upon learning about his father's suicide. This revelation affects his behavior and mindset. Joe also reveals personal information about his divorce and struggling relationship with his daughter, showcasing a vulnerable side to his character.

            Internal Goal: 7

            The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover information about a counterfeiter. This reflects their desire to solve the crime and demonstrate their expertise and intelligence.

            External Goal: 8

            The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather evidence and determine if the person he is talking to has any information about the counterfeiter. This reflects the immediate challenge of identifying the criminal.


            Scene Elements

            Conflict Level: 7

            There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily through the tension between Frank and Joe and the mystery surrounding the counterfeiter case. However, the conflict could be further heightened.

            Opposition: 8

            The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges in gathering information and uncovering the truth about the counterfeiter. The uncertainty of whether the person he is talking to has valuable information creates tension for the audience.

            High Stakes: 7

            The stakes are moderately high in the scene, particularly for Frank as he confronts the reality of his situation and the potential consequences of his actions. The discussion of the counterfeiter case also adds stakes to the overall story.

            Story Forward: 8

            The scene moves the story forward by providing important information about the counterfeiter case and its connection to Frank. It deepens the mystery and raises questions about Frank's involvement and the consequences he may face.

            Unpredictability: 7

            This scene is unpredictable because it contains unexpected twists, such as the reveal of the counterfeiting investigation and the protagonist's deduction about the teller. These surprises keep the audience guessing.

            Philosophical Conflict: 0

            No philosophical conflict is evident in this scene.


            Audience Engagement

            Emotional Impact: 8

            The scene has emotional impact through the revelation of Frank's father's suicide and his emotional reaction. It also elicits curiosity and intrigue through the discussion of the counterfeiter case and Frank's realization about the inside job.

            Dialogue: 7

            The dialogue between Frank and Joe is engaging and reveals important information about the counterfeiter case and their personal lives. However, some parts of the dialogue could be more impactful and memorable.

            Engagement: 9

            This scene is engaging because it develops tension and intrigue through the characters' dialogue and actions. The mystery of the counterfeiter and the protagonist's determination to solve the crime keep the audience engaged.

            Pacing: 8

            The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm. The concise dialogue and minimal description keep the scene moving at a brisk pace.


            Technical Aspect

            Formatting: 8

            The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper use of capitalization, punctuation, and spacing.

            Structure: 9

            The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue.


            Critique Overall, the scene effectively establishes the setting and the dynamic between Frank and Joe Shaye. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

            1. Description: The description of the scene lacks detail and specificity. It would be helpful to provide more visual cues and sensory details to bring the scene to life and engage the reader.

            2. Dialogue: The dialogue is functional but could benefit from more subtext and conflict. Especially in the exchange between Frank and Joe Shaye, there is potential for more tension and emotional depth. Adding subtext and exploring the characters' conflicting motivations can make the scene more engaging.

            3. Pacing: The scene could benefit from some tightening in terms of pacing. Some of the dialogue feels repetitive and could be condensed to maintain a faster pace. Trimming unnecessary lines and focusing on the key conflict and information being exchanged would help maintain the audience's interest.

            4. Characterization: While the characters of Frank and Joe Shaye are introduced, their personalities and motivations could be further developed. Providing more insight into their backgrounds and desires can make the scene more compelling and add layers to the characters.

            Overall, with some adjustments to the description, dialogue, pacing, and characterization, the scene can become more engaging and impactful.
            Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

            1. Add more visual descriptions: As a screenwriter, it's important to paint a visual picture for the reader and ultimately the audience. In this scene, you can add more specific details about the prison visitor's room, like the dull lighting, the cold atmosphere, or any other elements that contribute to the overall mood of the scene.

            2. Show the body language and emotions: Capture the characters' emotions and body language to create a more engaging visual experience for the audience. Instead of just stating "An awkward moment," describe how Frank and Joe Shaye's body language conveys their discomfort or tension. For example, Frank could fidget with his hands, avoiding eye contact, while Joe Shaye shifts uncomfortably in his chair.

            3. Use more dialogue subtext: Instead of having the characters directly state their thoughts and emotions, try adding subtext to their dialogue. This will add depth and complexity to the scene. For example, when Joe Shaye says, "I don't know. Maybe this was a bad idea. I'll go."—this could be enhanced by adding subtext to indicate that Joe Shaye's true motive is to reconnect with Frank.

            4. Utilize visual cues: Use visual cues to enhance the reveal of important information. For example, when Joe Shaye holds up the counterfeit check, include a moment where Frank's gaze lingers on the date and the worn down ink, signifying his deduction about the teller's involvement. This allows the audience to connect the dots along with Frank.

            5. Consider the pacing: Take note of the pacing of the scene. Ensure that there is enough time for the audience to absorb the information and emotions being conveyed. You can achieve this by having character reactions, pauses, or small actions that contribute to the overall timing of the scene.

            6. Connect the scene to the larger story: Make sure the scene has a clear purpose and is connected to the larger story. Consider if there are any elements or information in this scene that can be further developed or paid off in later scenes. This will help to create a cohesive and engaging narrative.



            Scene 39 -  Frank's New Job
            221 INT. - INTERROGATION ROOM. - NIGHT 221

            Frank is sitting across from Joe and Director Marsh, a glass
            of milk in front of him. TWO GUARDS stand behind him with
            rifles. Frank is 23-years-old, but still has the boyish face
            of a teenager.

            FRANK
            Joe, one of these days you should
            get yourself a new jacket. What is
            that material?
            Frank touches Joe's jacket.

            (CONTINUED)
            Debbie Zane - 5




            125.

            221 CONTINUED: 221

            JOE SHAYE
            Cashmere.

            FRANK
            That isn't cashmere -- look at the
            lining. It's some kind of polyester.
            You should see my tailor in New York.

            FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
            Can we do this, please?

            JOE SHAYE
            Frank, this is FBI Director Marsh.
            He wanted to meet you.

            FRANK
            At four in the morning? 1 1

            FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
            Mr. Abagnale, you've served five
            years of an eighteen year sentence

            F K
            That's righ ve years, two months.

            TOR MARSH
            I'd like you tcY o k at something
            for me, tell me UO �%u think.
            Director Marsh takes an enveldi j of a briefcase, slides
            it over to Frank. Frank opens t lope and pulls out a
            PAYROLL CHECK. He holds the check is hand, never looks
            at it.

            I;

            FRANK
            It's a fake.
            FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
            How do you know? You haven't looked
            at it.

            FRANK
            There's no perforated edge, which
            means this check was hand cut, not
            fed. The paper is double bonded,
            much too heavy for a check. The ink
            is raised against my fingers instead
            of flat.
            Frank brings the check to his nose, sniffs it.

            (CONTINUED)
            Debbie Zane -




            126.

            221 CONTINUED: (2) 221
            FRANK (cont' d)
            This doesn't smell like micker. It's'
            probably drafting ink, the kind you
            buy at a stationery store.
            Joe and Director Marsh exchange a look.

            FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
            Frank, would you be interested in
            working with the FBI's fraud and
            counterfeiting unit?

            FRANK
            I already have a job here. I deliver
            the mail.

            JOE SHAYE
            No, Frank. We'd get you out.

            FRANK
            Why are you saying this, Joe? You
            caught me, isn't that enough? Why
            can't you lea ' me alone?

            ECTOR MARSH
            Frank, we ha wer to take you
            out of prison. be placed in
            the custody of t where you'd
            serve the remainde ur sentence
            as an employee of t al
            government.

            FRANK
            Whose custody?

            JOE SHAYE
            Mine.

            222 INT. - FBI FIELD OFFICE. - DALLAS, TEXAS. - DAY 222


            SUPER: MARCH 29 1973
            Frank wears a brand new black suit as he walks into the
            massive FBI BUILDING. He approaches a SECURITY GUARD.

            FRANK
            I'm Frank Abagnale. I'm supposed to
            start work here today.

            SECURITY GUARD
            First floor, Mr. Abagnale.

            (CONTINUED)
            Debbie Zane - 5




            127.

            222 CONTINUED: 222

            FRANK
            Call me Frank.

            223 INT. - FBI BUILDING. - THIRD FLOOR. - DAY 223

            Frank makes his way down a long hallway, passing other young
            men in dark suits who have come out of their offices to see
            him pass. Frank sees Joe Shaye standing at the end of the
            hall.

            FRANK
            Morning, Joe.
            Frank turns and stares at a door marked FRAUD. He casually
            walks inside.

            224 INT. - FRANK'S FBI OFFICE. - DAY 224,

            A stack of files sit on Frank's desk. There are hundreds of
            CHECKS, MUG SHOTS, PILES OF COUNTERFEIT MONEY. Frank looks
            out the window of his office, stares out at the DALLAS

            SKYLINE.
            Look at me,
            Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

            Summary Frank is led into an interrogation room where he is sitting across from Joe and Director Marsh. Joe shows Frank a counterfeit check and asks for his expertise. Frank points out all the flaws in the check, indicating that it's a fake. Director Marsh offers Frank a job with the FBI's fraud and counterfeiting unit, where he would serve the remainder of his sentence as an employee. Frank is hesitant and questions why they can't leave him alone after catching him. Eventually, Frank agrees to join the FBI and is seen starting his new job at the FBI building in Dallas.
            Strengths
            • Well-written dialogue
            • Tense and suspenseful tone
            • Introduction of a new job for Frank with the FBI
            • Character interactions
            Weaknesses
            • Lack of significant character development

            Ratings
            Overall

            Overall: 8

            The scene is tense and suspenseful as Frank is presented with a counterfeit check and asked for his expertise. The dialogue is well-written and maintains a serious tone. The scene also moves the plot forward by introducing Frank's new job with the FBI.


            Story Content

            Concept: 7

            The concept of Frank's expertise in detecting counterfeit checks and his agreement to work for the FBI despite being in prison is interesting and engaging. It adds complexity to the character and raises the stakes for the story.

            Plot: 8

            The plot is well-developed in this scene as it introduces Frank's new job with the FBI and his agreement to work for them. It also creates tension and conflict as Frank is hesitant and questions why they are offering him this opportunity after catching him.

            Originality: 4

            This scene does not have a high level of originality since it involves a typical interrogation scenario and the dialogue exchanges are more focused on showcasing the protagonist's expertise rather than unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is maintained through the writer's attention to detail and incorporating specific knowledge about counterfeit detection.


            Character Development

            Characters: 8

            The characters of Frank, Joe, and Director Marsh are well-defined and their interactions in the scene are engaging. Frank's expertise and hesitation add depth to his character, while Joe and Director Marsh's offers and explanations show their motivations.

            Character Changes: 6

            Frank's character doesn't undergo significant change in this scene. He starts hesitant and resistant to the offers of the FBI, but eventually agrees to join them.

            Internal Goal: 7

            The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and assert his expertise in detecting counterfeit items. This reflects his need to feel in control and superior in his knowledge and abilities.

            External Goal: 8

            The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to resist joining the FBI's fraud and counterfeiting unit and to continue delivering mail. This reflects his desire to maintain his current job and avoid any additional responsibilities or obligations.


            Scene Elements

            Conflict Level: 8

            There is a high level of conflict in this scene as Frank is presented with a counterfeit check and is asked to use his expertise. His hesitation and the tension between him, Joe, and Director Marsh create conflict and uncertainty.

            Opposition: 6

            The opposition in this scene is moderately strong as the protagonist is presented with an offer that challenges his desire to maintain his current job and avoid further involvement with the FBI.

            High Stakes: 8

            The stakes are high in this scene as Frank is offered a job with the FBI and has to make a decision that will impact his future. His agreement to join the FBI despite being in prison raises the stakes further.

            Story Forward: 9

            This scene moves the story forward by introducing Frank's new job with the FBI and his agreement to work for them. It adds complexity to the plot and raises the stakes for Frank.

            Unpredictability: 5

            This scene has a moderate level of unpredictability because the protagonist's decision to refuse the FBI's offer and his subsequent interactions are not immediately expected.

            Philosophical Conflict: 0

            There is not a clear philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


            Audience Engagement

            Emotional Impact: 7

            The scene has a somber and desperate tone, which creates an emotional impact. Frank's distaste for his situation and his eventual agreement to join the FBI conveys his emotional turmoil.

            Dialogue: 9

            The dialogue in this scene is well-written and reflects the serious and tense tone of the situation. Frank's comments about Joe's jacket and his expertise in detecting counterfeit checks add depth and character to the dialogue.

            Engagement: 9

            This scene is engaging because the dialogue exchanges between the characters are quick, witty, and reveal important information about the protagonist's expertise and their interaction with the FBI director.

            Pacing: 7

            The pacing of the scene is effective as it moves at a good tempo, allowing the dialogue exchanges to create tension and maintain the audience's interest.


            Technical Aspect

            Formatting: 9

            The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

            Structure: 8

            The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with an establishing shot and provides clear descriptions of the characters' actions and dialogue.


            Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique the following scene as follows:

            1. Setting: The scene is set in an interrogation room, which is an appropriate setting for the conversation between Frank, Joe, and Director Marsh. The presence of the guards with rifles adds tension and seriousness to the scene.

            2. Dialogue: The dialogue between the characters is engaging and helps to establish their personalities. Frank's comments about Joe's jacket add a touch of humor and also hint at his observant nature. The dialogue also serves to introduce the characters and their motivations.

            3. Characterization: The scene effectively introduces Frank as a 23-year-old with a boyish face, giving insight into his deceptive abilities. Joe Shaye is portrayed as another key character and his connection to Frank is established. Director Marsh is introduced as a figure of authority and power.

            4. Pacing: The scene moves at a reasonable pace, with the tension building as Frank inspects the check and reveals its flaws. The dialogue flows smoothly and allows the suspense to build.

            5. Visuals: The scene relies mostly on dialogue and does not have a strong emphasis on visuals. However, the description of Frank looking out at the Dallas skyline adds some visual interest.

            Overall, the scene effectively introduces the characters, establishes their motivations, and builds tension. The dialogue is engaging and helps to move the story forward. However, it would benefit from more visual elements to enhance the visual storytelling aspect of screenwriting.
            Suggestions a screenwriting expert, here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

            1. Add more tension and conflict: The scene lacks a sense of urgency or conflict. Consider adding more verbal sparring between Frank and Joe or Director Marsh. They could argue or debate about whether Frank should join the fraud and counterfeiting unit, which would raise the stakes and add more tension to the scene.

            2. Develop the characters: While we get a description of Frank's appearance, there is little insight into his personality or motivations. Consider adding more dialogue or actions that reveal Frank's thoughts and feelings about the situation. This will help the audience connect with the character and understand his perspective better.

            3. Provide more visual cues: Screenplays are visual mediums, so it's important to provide enough visual cues to help readers visualize the scene. Describe the setting in more detail, including the interrogation room, the FBI building, and Frank's office. Use specific details to enhance the atmosphere and mood of each location.

            4. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Frank simply list the reasons why the check is fake, consider having him demonstrate his expertise by examining the check more closely. Show him using his senses (touching the check, sniffing it) to gather information and make deductions. This will make the scene more active and engaging.

            5. Consider pacing and structure: It's important to consider the pacing of the scene and how it fits into the overall story. Make sure the scene serves a purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters. If necessary, condense or expand the scene to maintain a good pace and keep the audience engaged.

            Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance the conflict, character development, and visual storytelling in the scene. By implementing these improvements, the scene will be more compelling and effective in serving the story.



            Scene 40 -  Frank's Decision
            225 INT. - APARTMENT. - DALLAS H DAY. 225


            O
            Frank walks through the door ny, run down apartment.
            Joe Shaye stands at the door.

            FRANK
            I'd rather stay in a hotel.

            JOE SHAYE
            That's not possible.
            Frank opens the drapes and looks out at a POLICE STATION
            that sits across the street from his apartment.

            FRANK
            One of the men gave me a check today.
            It was for nine dollars.

            JOE SHAYS
            That's right. The FBI is paying you
            prison wages.
            Joe turns to walk out the door.

            (CONTINUED)
            Debbie Zane -




            128.

            225 CONTINUED: 225
            FRANK
            Tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Would it
            be okay if I went to work with you?

            JOE SHAYE
            Tomorrow night I'm flying to Chicago
            to see my daughter. But I'll be back
            at work on Monday.

            FRANK
            Joe. . .what do I do until Monday?

            JOE SHP_YE
            I can't help you there, kid.

            226 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - DAY 226

            Frank sits alone eating a sandwich, looking through a BOOK
            OF MUG SHOTS. He stops when he sees his own MUG SHOT, the
            black and white picture staring up at him.
            Frank carefully rips the mug shot out of the book and puts
            it in his pocket.

            227
            Frank is walking the stre' s carrying a small bag of
            groceries as he makes his Oh e. Something in a STORE
            WINDOW catches his eye, and F ,tands frozen on the corner,
            looking across at a WINDOW DI

            CLOSE ON

            THE WINDOW OF A COSTUME SHOP.
            There are several MANNEQUINS dressed in different costumes.
            Frank slowly approaches the window, stares at a mannequin
            wearing an AIRLINE PILOT'S UNIFORM.

            228 EXT. - DALLAS AIRPORT. - NIGHT 228

            Frank gets out of a taxi wearing the PILOT'S UNIFORM. He
            pulls his cap down tight as he makes his way into the busy
            airport.

            229 INT. - DALLAS AIRPORT COFFEE SHOP. - NIGHT 229

            Frank sits alone at the airport coffee shop eating a
            hamburger
            and reading a COMIC BOOK. Joe Shaye walks into the
            restaurant
            and sits next to him.

            (CONTINUED)
            Debbie Zane -
            129.

            229 CONTINUED: 229

            JOE SHAYE
            That's a nice uniform, Frank.
            Here, let me get your check.
            Joe grabs the check from Frank, puts some money on the
            table.
            JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
            Did you know I was recruited by the
            FBI while I was still in law school?
            The government said I was the best
            the country had to offer, top of my
            class -- and they chased me until I
            said yes.

            FRANK
            I'm sorry, Joe.

            JOE SHAYE
            I spent four years arranging your
            release. I convinced the Attorney
            General of the United States that
            you wouldn't run.
            Frank gets out of his fir, walks out of the restaurant.
            Joe follows him throw h, irport.
            JO' : E (cont' d)
            You go back to E pe r�pd you'll die
            in Papigone. You run here
            in the states and w 1 d you
            back to Atlanta for f' ars.

            FRANK
            I never asked for your help.

            JOE SHAYE
            Please, Frank, you leave and I'm
            finished. I got you out, I convinced
            them to let you out.

            FRANK
            Why did you do it?
            JOE SHAYE
            You're just a kid.

            FRANK
            I'm not your kid. I'm not your son.
            I'm nothing to you. And you're nothing
            to me.
            Frank walks toward the AMERICAN AIRLINES ticket counter.

            (CONTINUED)
            Debbie Zane -




            130.

            229 CONTINUED: (2) 229

            JOE SHAYE
            I'm gonna let you fly tonight. I
            won't even try and stop you, because
            I know you'll be back on Monday.

            FRANK
            Why would I come back?

            JOE SHAYE
            Because nobody is chasing you.
            Frank stares at Joe for a long BEAT.

            FRANK
            Two mice fell in a bucket of cream.
            The first mouse gave up and drowned,
            but the second mouse struggled so
            hard he churned that cream into butter
            and he crawled out.

            JOE SHAYE
            Which one are you, Frank?
            Frank turns to the gin? ar the TICKET COUNTER.

            1Ï¿½V
            Hello, Amanda, � � s s �Jh e jump-seat open
            on the ten-thirt ® N,wYork?
            Joe watches as Frank walks thk oor marked CREW ONLY,
            casually making his way toward D une.

            230 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - DAY 230 4

            Joe sits at his desk drinking coffee. He checks his watch,
            then calls out to his SECRETARY.

            JOE SHAYE
            is Abagnale in yet?

            SECRETARY
            No.
            Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

            Summary Frank, distraught over his father's suicide, escapes from the airplane bathroom and runs across the airport tarmac. He is eventually caught by Joe Shaye and taken into custody. Later, Frank reunites with his mother at a church, where she reveals the truth about his father. Frank confronts his mother and leaves, only to be apprehended by FBI agents outside the church. He is sentenced to 18 years in prison, with recommendation for isolation. Frank is led into a visitor's room in a prison and sits across from Joe Shaye. They have an awkward conversation where Joe reveals he is divorced and has a daughter. Joe mentions tracking a counterfeiter and shows Frank a counterfeit check. Frank points out that it's an inside job. Later, Frank is seen lying in his cell and reciting pilot announcements. Joe and Director Marsh walk through the prison. Frank is led into an interrogation room where he is sitting across from Joe and Director Marsh. Joe shows Frank a counterfeit check and asks for his expertise. Frank points out all the flaws in the check, indicating that it's a fake. Director Marsh offers Frank a job with the FBI's fraud and counterfeiting unit, where he would serve the remainder of his sentence as an employee. Frank is hesitant and questions why they can't leave him alone after catching him. Eventually, Frank agrees to join the FBI and is seen starting his new job at the FBI building in Dallas.
            Strengths
            • Emotional depth
            • Character development
            • Tension between characters
            • Engaging dialogue
            • Exploration of theme
            Weaknesses

              Ratings
              Overall

              Overall: 9

              The scene is filled with emotional and dramatic moments, especially with Frank's distraught state after hearing about his father's suicide. The tension between Frank and Joe Shaye adds depth to the scene. The scene moves the story forward by showing Frank's character development and his decision to work with the FBI. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The theme of redemption and second chances is compelling.


              Story Content

              Concept: 7

              The concept of a former con artist working with the FBI is interesting and provides opportunities for character development and conflict. The scene effectively explores Frank's internal struggle and his eventual decision to join the FBI. The theme of redemption and second chances is also well-executed.

              Plot: 8

              The plot of the scene revolves around Frank's emotional state and his decision to work with the FBI. The scene provides resolution to Frank's relationship with his mother and explores the consequences of his actions. The reveal of the counterfeit check adds intrigue and sets up Frank's involvement with the FBI. The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the next phase of Frank's journey.

              Originality: 5

              The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


              Character Development

              Characters: 9

              The characters in the scene, particularly Frank and Joe Shaye, are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are explored. Frank's distress over his father's suicide and his conflicted feelings towards Joe Shaye add depth to his character. Joe Shaye's complex relationship with Frank is also intriguing. The scene effectively shows their interactions and creates tension between them.

              Character Changes: 9

              Frank experiences significant character changes in the scene. He goes from being distraught and conflicted to making a decision to join the FBI. This decision represents a shift in his mindset and sets up his character arc for the next phase of the story.

              Internal Goal: 8

              The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to survive and make money until Monday when his coworker will be back at work. This reflects his deeper need for stability and security in his life.

              External Goal: 7

              The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a way to make money and survive until Monday when his coworker will be back at work. This reflects the immediate challenge of his current situation and the need for financial support.


              Scene Elements

              Conflict Level: 8

              There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal and external. Frank is struggling with his emotions and the decision to join the FBI. There is also tension between Frank and Joe Shaye, as their complicated relationship is brought to the forefront. The conflict adds depth and keeps the audience engaged.

              Opposition: 7

              The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is a conflict between the protagonist and his coworker, it is not a major obstacle and the outcome is somewhat predictable.

              High Stakes: 8

              The stakes are high in the scene as Frank's decision to work with the FBI will determine his future and potential redemption. His emotional state and the consequences of his actions add to the urgency and high stakes of the scene.

              Story Forward: 9

              The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict between Frank and his mother, introducing the counterfeit check plot point, and setting up Frank's decision to work with the FBI. It advances the narrative and sets the stage for the next phase of the story.

              Unpredictability: 6

              This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it leaves unanswered questions about the protagonist's actions and motivations.

              Philosophical Conflict: 0

              There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


              Audience Engagement

              Emotional Impact: 9

              The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly with Frank's distraught state after learning about his father's suicide. The tension and conflict between Frank and Joe Shaye also create an emotional impact. The scene effectively engages the audience and draws them into the characters' emotional journeys.

              Dialogue: 8

              The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The conversations between Frank and Joe Shaye are filled with tension and subtext. The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters.

              Engagement: 9

              This scene is engaging because it introduces a conflict and raises questions about the protagonist's situation and motivations.

              Pacing: 8

              The pacing of the scene is effective in creating a sense of tension and urgency, particularly in the dialogue between the characters.


              Technical Aspect

              Formatting: 8

              The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, and dialogue in the correct format.

              Structure: 7

              The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, follows with character dialogue and actions, and ends with a new location.


              Critique Overall, this scene shows good character development and conflict between Frank and Joe Shaye. The dialogue is natural and reveals their motivations and relationship. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

              1. Location Description: The scene starts in an apartment in Dallas but does not provide any details about the apartment or its condition. Adding a few specific details can help set the mood and atmosphere.

              2. Clarity of Actions: In some moments, the action is not described clearly. For example, when Frank opens the drapes and looks out at the police station, it could benefit from showing his reaction or emotions to create a more engaging visual.

              3. Splitting Dialogue: When the dialogue splits between characters, it is essential to use clear formatting and punctuation to indicate who is speaking. Ensure each character's dialogue begins on a new line and is properly formatted with capital letters.

              4. Character Names: In the dialogue, Joe Shaye's name is spelled inconsistently as "Joe Shaye" and "Joe Shays." Consistency in the spelling of characters' names is crucial.

              By addressing these areas, the scene can be further enhanced to create a more immersive reading experience.
              Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

              1. Add more description: The scene lacks detailed description of the characters and the surroundings. Provide more information about the appearance and demeanor of Frank and Joe Shaye, as well as the condition of the apartment and the airport. This will help the readers visualize the scene better.

              2. Focus on the emotions: This scene is an important one for both Frank and Joe Shaye. Explore their emotions and internal conflicts more deeply. Show the frustration and desperation in Frank as he reveals his situation to Joe Shaye, and the guilt and helplessness in Joe as he struggles to help Frank. This will make the scene more emotionally impactful.

              3. Show the internal struggle: Frank's decision to leave and Joe's plea for him to stay can be made more intense by showing the internal struggle they both go through. Show Frank considering the consequences of leaving and his doubts about his future, and show Joe grappling with the responsibility he feels for Frank's well-being.

              4. Strengthen the dialogue: The dialogue in the scene can be enhanced to make it more impactful. Consider adding more subtext and layers to their conversation. Instead of explicitly stating their feelings, let their words convey their emotions indirectly. This will add depth to their interaction and make it more engaging for the audience.

              5. Create a stronger visual contrast: The scene can be visually enhanced by creating a contrast between Frank's run-down apartment and the bustling airport. Use vivid descriptions to highlight the bleakness of Frank's current situation and the sense of possibility and freedom he sees in the airport.

              6. Utilize film techniques: Consider integrating cinematic techniques into the scene, such as close-ups, tracking shots, or montage sequences, to enhance the visual storytelling. For example, use close-ups to capture the emotions on Frank and Joe's faces, and use tracking shots to follow their movement through the airport.

              Overall, focus on making the scene more visually and emotionally engaging, and explore the internal conflicts and growth of the characters.



              Scene 41 -  An Unexpected Offer
              231 INT. - FBI OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM. - DAY 231

              Joe Shaye is using the slide projector and standing in front
              of TEN AGENTS, including Special Agent Wilkes.

              JOE SHAYE
              Good morning. I've called this
              emergency briefing to discuss a check

              (MORE)

              (CONTINUED)
              Debbie Zane -




              131.

              231 CONTINUED: 231
              JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
              fraud and counterfeiter who's been
              hitting banks all over Arizona.

              SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
              Just tell us how much he's gotten,
              Joe?

              JOE SHAYE
              Don't ask.
              The briefing room door opens, and Frank walks in. Joe spots
              him in the darkness.
              JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
              Good. You're here.
              The two men stare at each other for a BEAT.
              JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
              At this time I'd like my point man
              on this to fill you in. Frank, are
              you ready to Ake over?

              FRANK (
              John Doe 6116 is a pa ; er who
              started in Phoenix, usz at I
              call a double deposit forgery system.
              Next slide. What he's doing is opening
              two accounts at the same bank under
              two different names...

              232 INT. - AIRPLANE. - DAY 232

              Frank and Joe are sitting next to each other on a plane,
              both holding magazines and eating nuts. Joe is wearing a
              brand new BLACK SUIT. There are several other agents on the
              plane, including Amdursky and Fox.

              FRANK
              Joe, do you guys always fly coach?

              JOE SHAYE
              Yeah.

              (CONTINUED)
              Debbie Zane -:




              132.

              232 CONTINUED: 232

              FRANK
              You want me to talk to someone? See
              if I can get us bumped to first class?

              JOE SHAYS
              Just relax. We'll be there in two
              hours.
              Frank looks out the window.

              FRP.NK
              I've never been to Arizona.

              JOE SHAYE
              It's hot. Let's just hope-we catch
              this guy fast.

              FRANK
              Joe, you ever seen the Grand Canyon?

              JOE SHAYE
              No.

              K
              You think i w e time we can
              take a quick ?( (-o
              JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
              I feel a little silly in this suit.

              FRANK
              It looks good. You just have to get
              used to it.

              JOE SHAYE
              How much did you say it cost?

              FRANK
              Eight hundred dollars.

              JOE SHAYE
              Where did you get eight hundred
              dollars?

              FRANK
              Credit card.

              (CONTINUED)
              Debbie Zane - 5




              133.

              232 CONTINUED: (2) 232

              JOE SHAYE
              Somebody gave you a credit card?
              That's a horrifying thought.
              The two men sit in silence for a BEAT, staring down at their
              magazines, lost in thought.
              JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
              Can I ask you something, Frank?

              FRANK
              Sure.

              JOE SHAYE
              How did you pass the bar exam in
              Louisiana?

              FRANK
              I studied every night for two weeks.

              JOE SHAYE
              Is that the truth?
              Frank turns to the wipf'or?, slowly starts to smile as he
              looks
              out at the clouds.
              FRANK ABAGNALE JR. HAS BEEN Qf MOR 25 YEARS. HE HAS
              THREE TEENAGE SONS, AND LIVES r V LIFE IN TULSA, OKLAHOMA.

              SINCE HIS RELEASE FROM PRISON IN Z, FRANK HAS HELPED THE

              FBI CAPTURE SOME OF THE WORLDS MOST ALLUSIVE CHECK FORGERS

              AND COUNTERFEITERS. FRANK HAS ALSO DEVELOPED MANY OF THE

              SECURITY FEATURES THAT BANKS USE TO PREVENT CHECK FRAUD.

              HE HOLDS SEVERAL PATENTS ON THESE FEATURES, AND TO THIS DAY

              FRANK MAKES A ROYALTY ON ALMOST EVERY CHECK WRITTEN IN THE

              UNITED STATES.

              THOSE CHECK ROYALTIES PAY FRANK ABAGNALE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

              A YEAR.

              TITLE CARD #2

              JOE SHAYE RETIRED IN 1986, HAVING BEEN AWARDED THREE

              DISTINGUISHED SERVICE AWARDS FROM THE FBI.

              FRANK ABAGNALE HAS FOUR.

              THEY REMAIN CLOSE FRIENDS TO THIS DAY.
              Debbie Zane -
              Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

              Summary Frank, who has been through a series of traumatic events, finds himself in a prison visitor's room where he has an awkward conversation with Joe Shaye. Joe reveals that he is divorced and has a daughter. He shows Frank a counterfeit check and Frank points out flaws, indicating it's an inside job. Director Marsh offers Frank a job with the FBI's fraud and counterfeiting unit, and after some hesitation, Frank agrees. The scene ends with Frank starting his new job at the FBI building in Dallas.
              Strengths
              • Well-executed scene
              • Significant plot development
              • Interesting character dynamics
              Weaknesses
              • Some dialogue could be improved

              Ratings
              Overall

              Overall: 8

              The scene is well-executed and provides significant plot development, establishing Frank's transition from criminal to FBI agent.


              Story Content

              Concept: 7

              The concept of Frank using his expertise to help the FBI is intriguing and sets up a unique dynamic.

              Plot: 9

              The plot moves forward significantly as Frank is offered a job with the FBI, creating new opportunities for the story.

              Originality: 6

              The level of originality in this scene is moderate. The situation of discussing a check fraud and counterfeiter is familiar, but the specific details and dialogue provide authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue contribute to the scene's authenticity and believability.


              Character Development

              Characters: 8

              Frank and Joe have an interesting dynamic, and their conversation reveals more about their personalities and motivations.

              Character Changes: 8

              Frank undergoes a significant change by agreeing to become an FBI agent, which alters the trajectory of his life.

              Internal Goal: 8

              The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully lead the briefing and assign responsibilities to his team. This reflects his need for control, competence, and recognition as a leader.

              External Goal: 9

              The protagonist's external goal is to apprehend the check fraud and counterfeiter in Arizona. This goal reflects the immediate challenge and the need to protect the financial institutions and maintain public safety.


              Scene Elements

              Conflict Level: 7

              There is conflict between Frank's reluctance to join the FBI and Joe's persistence in convincing him.

              Opposition: 7

              The opposition in this scene is moderate. While the immediate challenge of capturing the check fraud and counterfeiter is established, there is still uncertainty regarding the outcome and the difficulties the protagonist will face.

              High Stakes: 7

              The stakes are high as Frank has the opportunity to turn his life around but also faces the challenge of working for the FBI while being a prisoner.

              Story Forward: 9

              The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new chapter for Frank as an FBI agent.

              Unpredictability: 4

              This scene is less unpredictable as it focuses on exposition and briefing rather than unexpected plot twists or surprises.

              Philosophical Conflict: 0

              There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


              Audience Engagement

              Emotional Impact: 6

              The scene elicits some sympathy for Frank's difficult situation and captures the tension between him and Joe.

              Dialogue: 7

              The dialogue is effective in conveying the awkwardness and tension between Frank and Joe.

              Engagement: 7

              This scene is engaging because it introduces a significant challenge and conflict, creates tension through concise dialogue, and hints at the dynamic between the characters.

              Pacing: 9

              The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace and using concise dialogue and minimalistic scene descriptions to create a sense of urgency.


              Technical Aspect

              Formatting: 8

              The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, including properly formatted dialogue, scene descriptions, and scene transitions.

              Structure: 8

              The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character introductions, and dialogue formatting.


              Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively sets up the main characters and their relationship. It establishes the urgency and seriousness of the situation through dialogue and action. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

              1. Formatting: The scene headings are inconsistently formatted. The INT. - FBI OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM. - DAY should be written as INT. FBI OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY. Similarly, INT. - AIRPLANE. - DAY should be written as INT. AIRPLANE - DAY.

              2. Scene description: The scene description is generally concise and clear, but there are a few instances where it could be improved for better visual storytelling. For example, instead of saying "Joe spots him in the darkness," it could be more effective to describe Joe's reaction to seeing Frank in the dimly lit room. This would create a stronger visual impact.

              3. Dialogue: The dialogue is overall well-written and natural, but there are a few areas where it could be strengthened. For example, when Special Agent Wilkes asks Joe how much the fraudster has gotten, Joe's response of "Don't ask" could be more specific and provide a more impactful answer. This would give a clearer idea of the scale of the problem, creating more tension and intrigue.

              4. Transition: The transition between the FBI office conference room and the airplane scene is a bit abrupt. It would benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer indication of the change in location.

              Overall, the scene effectively conveys information and establishes the characters and their dynamics. With some minor improvements in formatting, scene description, and dialogue, it could be even stronger and more engaging.
              Suggestions 1. Provide more specific details and visuals to help visualize the scene. For example, instead of just stating that Joe is using a slide projector, describe what is being projected on the screen.

              2. Add more dialogue that reveals the emotions and motivations of the characters. This will help the audience connect with them and understand their actions.

              3. Include more conflict or tension in the scene. This can be done through dialogue, actions, or reactions from the characters.

              4. Consider adding more subtext or hidden layers to the dialogue. This will make the scene more interesting and engaging for the audience.

              5. Provide a stronger ending to the scene. It currently ends with Joe and Frank sitting in silence, but adding a final line or action could create a more satisfying conclusion.