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Scene 1 -  The Game Show
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN



Written by

Jeff Nathanson




1 INT. - GAME SHOW SET. - DAY 1


BLACK AND WHITE FOOTAGE FROM 1978

MUSIC UP:
A simple GAME SHOW SET -- one long desk-that houses four
"CELEBRITY PANELISTS," a small pulpit with attached
microphone
for the host, BUD COLLYER, who walks through the curtain to
the delight of the audience. Bud bows and waves to the
celebrities -- ORSON BEAN, KITTY CARLISLE, TOM POSTON, and
PEGGY CASS.

BUD COLLYER
Hello, panel, and welcome everyone
to another exciting day on "To Tell
The Truth." Let's get the show
started.

THE CURTAIN STARTS TO RISE
BRIGHT LIGHTS SHINE on the faces of THREE MEN who walk
toward
center stage. All thre n wear identical AIRLINE PILOT
UNIFORMS, each with m; c ng blue blazers and caps.
(cont' d)
Gentleman, please state
your names.

PILOT #1
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
THE PILOT IN THE MIDDLE steps forward.

PILOT #2
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
THE THIRD PILOT does the same.

PILOT #3
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr.
Bud smiles, grabs a piece of paper.
BUD COLLYER
Panel, listen to this one.
(he starts to read)
My name is Frank Abagnale Jr, and
some people consider me the worlds
greatest imposter.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




2.

1 CONTINUED: 1
As Bud reads, the CAMERA SLOWLY PANS the faces of the three

PILOTS.
BUD COLLYER (cont'd)

(READING)
From 1964 to 1966 I successfully
impersonated an airline pilot for
Pan Am Airlines, and flew over two
million miles for free. During that
time I was also the Chief Resident
Pediatrician at a Georgia hospital,
the Assistant Attorney General for
the state of Louisiana, and a
Professor of American History at a
prestigious University in France. By
the time I was caught and sentenced
to prison, I had cashed over six
million dollars in fraudulent checks
in 26 foreign countries and all fifty
states, and I did it all before my
18th birthday. To this day, I am the
only teenager ever to have been placed
on the FBI' s most wanted list.
My name is a Abagna l e Jr.
Warm applause as the THREE MEN walk behind
a desk that faces the pa They all sit down at exactly
the same time.

BUD COLLY (cont'd )
Okay, panel, you have ork cut
out for you. Kitty Carl , you
have the first question.

KITTY CARLISLE
Imposter number one, how many years
were you in prison?

PILOT #1
I served two years in France, and
five years in Atlanta, Georgia.

KITTY CARLISLE
Imposter number two, I find all this
very fascinating. Who was it that
finally caught you?

SLOWLY PUSH IN ON THE PILOT IN THE MIDDLE --
A thin smile across his lips as he faces the panel -- his
manicured hands out in front of him on the desk -- his back

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




3-

1 CONTINUED: (2) 1
straight in his chair -- his cap pulled slightly forward on
his head -- the way pilots like to wear them.

2 EXT. - PAPIGONE MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON. - MARSEILLE -
NIGHT 2


SUPER: MARSEILLE, FRANCE DECEMBER 25, 1967
A heavy rain falls on JOE SHAPE, 40's, who wears a black
hat
and holds a black umbrella as he bangs on the window of a
small GUARDHOUSE in front of a LARGE GATED PRISON. Joe is
sneezing as he holds up an IDENTIFICATION CARD TO THE GUARD.

JOE SHAPE
Joe Shaye, FBI.

3 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON WARDEN'S OFFICE. - DAY 3
Joe is walking down a long corridor inside the prison,
struggling to close his umbrella as he faces WARDEN GARREN
and TWO GUARDS.

JOE SHAPE
I have orders see a prisoner named
Abagnale, t e his statement and
solicit a c n ^ n so I can prepare
for tomorrow' tladition.
Joe takes a roll of CASH out of h` ocket, casually slips
the money to the Warden.

JOE SHAPE
If I give you another twenty, will
you turn up the heat in here?

4 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON - FRANK'S CELL/CORRIDOR. - DAY 4

Warden Garren is leading Joe down a small, isolated corridor
just off the main floor. They pass CEMENT DOORS with metal
SLIDE HOLES and numbers taped to the front. There are no
bars or windows in this area, and complete silence. Garren
stops at the last cell and opens the SLIDE HOLE.

WARDEN GARREN
Don't pass him anything through the

HOLE-
Garren walks off, and Joe immediately starts to smile,
looking
around for a long BEAT as he stares at the cell door.

(CONTINUED)
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4.

4 CONTINUED: 4

JOE SHAYE
Yoohoo. Hello? Is the lady of the
house at home?
Joe tries to control his excitement as he kneels down and
looks through the metal slide hole.

THROUGH THE HOLE
Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Crime"]

Summary In 1978, former con man Frank Abagnale appears on the game show "To Tell the Truth" and reveals his extraordinary career as an imposter. The panelists question him, but he remains evasive. The scene then cuts to 1967, where FBI agent Joe Shaye interviews Abagnale in a French prison.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mystery and intrigue
  • Strong character introduction
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some exposition-heavy dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces the main character and sets up the premise of the story with engaging dialogue and a suspenseful reveal.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young imposter with a complex criminal history posing as an airline pilot is intriguing and sets up a strong foundation for the story.

Plot: 7

The plot is well-developed in this scene, introducing the main character's background and setting up the conflict surrounding his identity.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of imposters and fraud, presenting a unique portrayal of the protagonist's criminal activities. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced effectively, especially the main character Frank Abagnale Jr., who is portrayed as a charismatic and mysterious figure.

Character Changes: 7

The main character undergoes a subtle change as his true identity is revealed to the audience, adding depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his facade as an imposter and evade capture for his fraudulent activities. This reflects his deeper need for freedom and validation of his skills.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to continue his life of deception and fraud without getting caught by law enforcement. This reflects the immediate challenge of evading capture and maintaining his false identities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the main character's true identity and his impostor persona creates tension and intrigue in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from law enforcement and societal norms.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are established through the main character's risky behavior and the consequences of his actions, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the plot and setting up the conflict to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the protagonist's deceptive actions and the unexpected twists in the plot.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of deception and fraud. The protagonist's actions challenge societal norms and ethical values, posing a conflict between right and wrong.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, mainly driven by the mystery surrounding the main character's past and actions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and informative, revealing important details about the main character's past and setting up the conflict in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful plot, dynamic characters, and clever dialogue.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear descriptions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic narrative, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong introduction on a game show set, setting up the background of the character Frank Abagnale Jr. and his impressive imposter career.
  • The transition to the French prison in 1967 is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to connect the two timelines more seamlessly.
  • The dialogue between the panelists and Frank Abagnale Jr. on the game show is engaging and sets up the mystery and intrigue surrounding his character.
  • The introduction of FBI agent Joe Shaye adds another layer of tension and sets up the conflict between law enforcement and Frank Abagnale Jr.
  • The scene effectively builds suspense and curiosity about Frank Abagnale Jr.'s past and his interactions with the FBI.
  • The use of black and white footage and different locations helps to create a visual contrast and adds depth to the storytelling.
  • The scene effectively sets up the premise of the screenplay and introduces key characters and conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between the game show set and the French prison to create a smoother flow between the two timelines.
  • Explore ways to enhance the visual storytelling to further engage the audience and create a more immersive experience.
  • Continue to build on the tension and suspense surrounding Frank Abagnale Jr.'s character and his interactions with law enforcement.
  • Ensure that the dialogue remains sharp and engaging to keep the audience intrigued and invested in the story.
  • Consider adding more depth to the character development of Joe Shaye to create a more dynamic and compelling dynamic between him and Frank Abagnale Jr.
  • Overall, focus on maintaining a strong narrative structure and pacing to keep the audience captivated throughout the scene.



Scene 2 -  Frank's Fate
5 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON - FRANK'S CELL. - NIGHT 5

WE SEE FRANK ABAGNALE JR., his face partially hidden in the
dim cell, which gets its only light from a hanging bulb.
Frank is lying on the cement floor, his back up against the
far wall. He wears only a pair of underwear and clutches a
torn blanket.

JOE SHAYE
Jesus, Frank, you look terrible. I
heard about French prisons, but this
is positively barbaric.
WE HEAR a sound come fr)dthe cell, and then heavy coughing.
JO,E YE (cont ' d)
That doesn' t o d(rr4ood. I have a
little cold my
Help me.

JOE SHAYE
Help you? Yes, I'll help you, Frank.

N
Why do you think I've been fighting
to have you extradited. Why do you
think I came to take you home? Do
you know that 21 other countries
want'you in their prisons? I saw the
list -- Egypt was on there. Who the
hell goes to Egypt to write bad
checks?

FRANK
I'm sick... please...

JOE SHAYE
Don't worry, Frank, you just have to
make it through one more night. And
then tomorrow I'll help you onto a
plane, clean you up, and put you in
a cell for the next twenty-five years.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5
S.

5 CONTINUED: 5

INSIDE THE CELL

CLOSE ON FRANK ABAGNALE JR.
His face covered by a beard and matted black hair. Frank
closes his eyes and starts to cough.

FRANK
Help me, please. I can't breathe...

OUTSIDE THE CELL
Joe listens to Frank, who is coughing so hard he starts to
choke.

FRANK (CONT'D)
Can't... breathe...

JOE SHAYE
Don't start this shit, Frank.

FRANK
Can't ...Can't
Joe looks through the slot i e11 door, but can only
see faint images of Frank rol the floor holding his

THROAT-
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
Frank, what's happening? Damn it,
just calm down! Somebody help me!!

SMASH CUT

6 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON - FRANK'S CELL/CORRIDOR. 6


THE CELL DOOR IS THROWN OPEN
Frank is being dragged across the floor by Warden Garren and
a second GUARD, each holding an arm as they drag Frank's
emaciated six-foot frame through the halls. Joe Shaye jogs
behind the guards.

JOE SHAYE
He's not breathing. I think he
stopped breathing!
Debbie Zane -
6.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In his prison cell, Frank Abagnale Jr. lies gravely ill as Joe Shaye arrives with news of his impending extradition and 25-year sentence. As Frank's condition worsens, choking and pleading for help, Shaye summons the guards who forcefully drag him out of his cell.
Strengths
  • Intense emotions
  • High stakes
  • Desperate atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, with intense emotions, high stakes, and a sense of desperation that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a desperate attempt to save a prisoner's life in a dark and grim setting is executed effectively, creating a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by the urgent need to save the prisoner's life, with the FBI agent's efforts to help adding layers of tension and drama.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the prison genre by focusing on the internal and external struggles of the protagonist in a life-threatening situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Frank Abagnale Jr. and Joe Shaye are well-developed, with Frank's desperation and Joe's determination adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Frank undergoes a significant change as he faces the consequences of his actions and fights for his life, adding depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal in this scene is to survive the night and avoid the fate of spending the next twenty-five years in prison. This reflects his fear of being trapped and his desire for freedom.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to get help for his medical emergency and avoid suffocating in his cell. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between life and death, as well as the internal conflict within Frank, adds layers of tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Frank facing a life-threatening medical emergency and the indifference of the guards, creating a sense of uncertainty and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of life and death, as well as the consequences of past actions, make the scene intense and gripping for the audience.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the consequences of Frank's actions and setting up future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of Frank's medical emergency is uncertain, adding to the tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the value of human life and the harshness of the prison system. Joe Shaye's indifference to Frank's suffering challenges Frank's belief in compassion and empathy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, desperation, and urgency, making it highly impactful for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and desperation of the situation, adding to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of urgency and suspense, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic prison setting, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional impact, considering the gravity of the situation with Frank Abagnale Jr. being very sick in prison.
  • The dialogue between Joe Shaye and Frank feels somewhat cliched and lacks authenticity in portraying the desperation and urgency of the moment.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve into the complex relationship between Joe Shaye and Frank Abagnale Jr., especially considering Joe's role as an FBI agent and Frank's as a notorious criminal.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a sense of atmosphere and tension within the prison setting.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, with abrupt transitions that don't allow for the emotional weight of the situation to fully resonate with the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Joe Shaye and Frank to reflect the intensity of the moment and the complex dynamics between the characters.
  • Explore the internal thoughts and emotions of Frank Abagnale Jr. to provide insight into his state of mind and the gravity of his situation.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and atmospheric setting within the prison cell, highlighting the desperation and vulnerability of Frank.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for moments of tension and emotional impact to unfold naturally, building suspense and engaging the audience more effectively.



Scene 3 -  Frank's Escape
7 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON INFIRMARY. - DAY 7

A small, empty room with four empty hospital beds. Frank is
lifted onto one of the beds, his legs and arms flailing out
to the sides, kicking a thin curtain out from the wall.

JOE SHAYE
What's happening to him?
Garren and the Guard quickly move toward a sink, where they
start to wash their hands.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
What are you doing?

ASSISTANT WARDEN GARREN
Washing off the lice.

JOE SHAYE-
He can't breath. You have to call a
doctor.

STANT WARDEN GARREN
The doctor p fnl'sf in the morning.
You can't just t him die. I have
orders from the Embassy!
This man is going t tradited
to the United State am holding
you responsible if ant happens!
Suddenly Garren looks past Shaye -- eyeing the curtain that
partially encloses Frank's bed. Garren slowly moves toward
the curtain, pushes it open.

FRANK IS GONE

CLOSE ON GARREN
drawing his gun and sprinting out the open door of the
infirmary, yelling in French for the Guard to follow. Joe
Shaye stands motionless, staring down in horror at the empty
bed.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
Oh, shit.. .Frank!
8 INT. - PRISON. - CONTINUOUS 8

The prison ALARM has sent every prisoner to the front of
their cells, where they see Frank stumbling through the
prison --

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




7.

8 CONTINUED: 8
a thin smile on his lips as he tries to move his starved
legs toward the main door.
As Frank makes his way past a row of cheering prisoners, he
trips and falls, his body too weak to run as he starts to
crawl across the prison floor.
Joe and Garren easily catch up to him, Garren quickly
kneeling
down and holding his gun against Frank's head --cocking the
weapon. Frank stops crawling, rolls over on his back and
smiles up at Joe Shaye.

FRANK
Okay, Joe...let's go home.

9 INT. - NEW ROCHELLE ROTARY CLUB. - BANQUET ROOM. - NIGHT 9


SUPER: NEW ROCHELLE. NEW JERSEY 1964
A smoke filled oak dining room packed with CLUB MEMBERS --
HUNDREDS OF MIDDLE AGED WHITE MEN wearing black suits and
holding long cigars as they drink from brandy glasses.
FRANK ABAGNALE, 15, a BUCKLEY PRIVATE SCHOOL BLUE
BLAZER AND WHITE PANT with his mother, PAULA, 33, at
a center table near themes Paula is a stunning blonde
dressed in diamonds and and since she's the only woman
in the room -- she's getti t of attention. CLUB
PRESIDENT JACK WRIGHT takes rophone at the front of
the stage.

JACK WRIGHT
The New Rochelle Rotary Club has a
history that goes back to 1859. In
all those years, we have only inducted
a handful of deserving men as lifetime
members, an honor that has seen 187
names enshrined on the wall of honor.
Tonight, we make it 188. So please
stand, as I present my good friend,
Frank William Abagnale.
Applause all around as FRANK ABAGNALE SR. steps up to the
MICROPHONE. He is handsome and impeccable groomed -- wearing
a black suit and holding onto his plaque with two hands.

FRANK SR.
Two little mice fell in a bucket of
cream. The first mouse quickly gave
up and drowned, but the second mouse
wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard,

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
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8.

9 CONTINUED: 9
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
that he eventually churned that cream
into butter -- and crawled out.
Gentleman, as of this moment, I am
that second mouse.
Laughter from the men in the room as Frank continues.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
I stand here today humbled by the
presence of Mayor Allen, and our
club President, Jack Wright. But
most of all, I am honored to see my
loving wife, Paula, and my son, Frank
Jr., sitting in the front-row. I'm
just a business man, a working stiff --
but tonight you have made me royalty.
And for this, I am eternally grateful.
The men applaud as Frank Sr. smiles down at his wife and
son, giving them a wink as he raises the plaque in the air.
10 EXT. - FRANK'S HOUSE. -/W ROCHELLE. - DAY 10

A tree lined, picture ce of suburbia, with large homes
splashed with snow, Ca n the driveways and kids
sledding in the street.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank escapes from prison, causing panic. Joe Shaye is responsible for his well-being and fears repercussions. Frank is eventually recaptured and smiles at Joe, uttering "Let's go home."
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable escape attempt
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, showcases emotional depth, and raises the stakes for the characters, creating a compelling narrative that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a daring escape from a prison infirmary adds excitement and suspense to the story, highlighting the risks and consequences faced by the characters. The scene effectively conveys the desperation and determination of Frank Abagnale Jr. to survive.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds with a sense of urgency and danger, as Frank Abagnale Jr. struggles to survive in prison and makes a daring escape attempt. The plot twists and turns keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the prison escape genre by focusing on the protagonist's internal and external goals, as well as the philosophical conflict between freedom and authority. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Frank Abagnale Jr. and Joe Shaye, are well-developed and their actions and dialogue drive the narrative forward. The emotional depth of the characters adds complexity to the scene and enhances the audience's connection to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Frank Abagnale Jr. undergoes a significant change in the scene, from a desperate and ill prisoner to a determined and resourceful escapee. His resilience and survival instincts are highlighted, showcasing his character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to survive and escape from the prison infirmary. This reflects his deeper desire for freedom and survival.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evade capture and make his way out of the prison. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing of being pursued by the assistant warden and guards.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as Frank Abagnale Jr. battles illness, indifference from authorities, and the harsh conditions of prison. The escalating tension and high stakes drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the assistant warden and guards providing a formidable obstacle for the protagonist to overcome, adding to the suspense and uncertainty of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Frank Abagnale Jr. faces imminent danger and death in prison. The risk of capture and extradition adds tension and urgency to the narrative, raising the stakes for the characters and increasing the audience's investment in the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, as Frank Abagnale Jr. takes decisive action to escape from prison and evade capture. The plot twists and character dynamics propel the narrative towards a new direction, keeping the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's escape attempt, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle for freedom against the oppressive authority of the prison system. This challenges his beliefs in justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, including fear for Frank's life, hope for his survival, and gratitude for his resilience. The emotional depth of the characters and the high stakes of the situation make the scene impactful and memorable.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions, motivations, and conflicts of the characters. The tense exchanges between Joe Shaye and the prison guards add to the suspense and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and emotional intensity, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a balance of tension-building moments and fast-paced action, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's escape.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a tense and suspenseful prison escape sequence, with clear action and dialogue driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between the different actions and locations, making it feel disjointed and confusing for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels rushed and lacks depth, especially in moments of high tension and emotion.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal and do not effectively convey the urgency and intensity of the situation.
  • The character motivations and reactions are not fully explored, leaving the audience disconnected from the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven, with abrupt shifts in tone and action that disrupt the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive details to set the scene and create a sense of atmosphere, such as the sounds of the prison, the lighting in the infirmary, and the reactions of the characters.
  • Focus on developing the emotional arc of the characters, particularly Frank and Joe Shaye, to create a more engaging and impactful scene.
  • Work on building tension and suspense through strategic pacing and dialogue, allowing the audience to feel the stakes and urgency of the situation.
  • Clarify the transitions between different locations and actions to ensure a smooth and coherent flow of the scene.
  • Consider incorporating more visual cues and actions to enhance the visual storytelling and engage the audience on a deeper level.



Scene 4 -  A Christmas Dance
11 EXT. - FRANK'S HOUSE CHRISTMA4ER2MF , - DAY 11

DEAN MARTIN is singing EVERYBOD SOMEBODY on the radio,
as Frank Sr. hammers his PLAQUE i the wall. in the middle
of the DEN, Frank is dancing with his mother, who is holding
a glass of wine as she dances.

PAULA
You're a better dancer than your
father, Frankie. The girls don't
know what they're in for.

FRANK SR.
Paula, show him the dance you were
doing when we met.

PAULA
Who can remember?

FRANK SR.
The people in that little French
Village were so happy to see
Americans, that they decided to put
on a show for us.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




9.

11 CONTINUED: 11

FRANK
I know the story, Dad.

FRANK SR.
So they cram two hundred soldiers
into this tiny social hall, and the
first person to walk on stage is
your mother. And she starts to
dance...
Paula steps away from Frank, and she starts to dance a
ballet,
smiling as she tries to remember the steps.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
It had been months since we had even
seen a woman, and here's this blonde
angel on stage -- and the men are
literally holding their breath. And
I turned to my buddies, and I said..

FRANK
(imitating his father)
I will not lea France without her.
Paula spins around, accide1 49, ILLS HER GLASS OF WINE --

PAULA
Oh, shit, the rug! I b relieve I
did that. Frankie, run /get a
towel...
As Frank runs off, Paula drops to her knees and scrubs the
stain with the hem of her dress.

PAULA (CONT'D)
This will never come out.
She looks up at her husband.

PAULA (CONT'D)
Whenever I dance for you, I get in
trouble.

12 INT. - FRANK'S HOUSE. - MORNING 12

Frank is asleep in his bedroom. His father walks in carrying
a plate of scrambled eggs.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




10.

12 CONTINUED: 12
FRANK SR.
Wake up, Frank... it's eight-thirty.
Frank opens his eyes, stares at his father.

FRANK
I overslept. Mom's gonna kill me.

FRANK SR.
It's okay. You don't have to go to
school today.

FRANK
Is it snowing?

FRANK SR.
Do you own a black suit?

FRANK
A black suit? Why?

FRANK SR.
We have a vermportant meeting in
the city.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Frank Sr. and Paula dance to Dean Martin's "Everybody Loves Somebody" on Christmas morning. Paula accidentally spills her wine on the rug and worries about the stain. Frank runs off to get a towel.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Nostalgic tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of nostalgia and warmth through the interactions between the characters, setting a strong emotional tone.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of family memories and shared experiences is central to the scene, providing insight into Frank's upbringing and relationships.

Plot: 7

While the plot does not significantly advance in this scene, it offers valuable background information about Frank's family dynamics and history.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to depicting family relationships and nostalgia, with authentic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic, adding depth to the scene and enhancing the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Frank's background and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to connect with his family and cherish the memories of his parents. This reflects his desire for a sense of belonging and emotional connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to attend an important meeting in the city, which adds a sense of urgency and responsibility to the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is minimal conflict in the scene, focusing more on the emotional connection between the characters and their shared experiences.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with internal conflicts and challenges that add depth to the protagonist's journey.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on personal relationships and memories rather than external conflicts or challenges.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not propel the main plot forward significantly, but it enriches the audience's understanding of the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and plot developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the importance of family and personal relationships versus professional obligations and career aspirations. This challenges the protagonist's values and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through its portrayal of family relationships and nostalgic moments, creating a heartfelt connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, revealing the family dynamics and shared memories in a realistic manner.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, relatable characters, and nostalgic atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its emotional impact and allows for character development and interaction.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a family drama genre, with a clear setup and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction, as it transitions abruptly from a festive dance with Frank's parents to a mundane morning interaction with his father.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with characters delivering exposition in a stilted manner.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth or conflict in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal and fail to create a vivid or immersive setting for the scene.
  • The scene lacks a cohesive narrative arc or development, leaving the audience unsure of the significance or impact of the interactions.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves to advance the plot or develop the characters.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on creating authentic interactions between the characters.
  • Introduce conflict or tension to add depth and intrigue to the scene, making it more compelling for the audience.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting, engaging the audience's senses and enhancing the overall atmosphere.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a more cohesive narrative arc, with a clear beginning, middle, and end that drives the story forward.



Scene 5 -  Desperate Measures
13 EXT. - MEN'S SHOP. - 13

THE WHITE CADILLAC is park ont of A MEN'S CLOTHING
STORE -- Frank Sr. banging o tme lass door, trying to get
someone's attention.
pl�y( l

FRANK SR.
Ma'am, open the door. Just open up,
please, it's important.
THE DOOR OPENS A CRACK AND DARCY, 40's, low cut blouse, a
bagel in her hand, stares at Frank Sr.

DARCY
we don't open for half an hour.

FRANK SR.
What's your name, ma'am?

DARCY
Darcy.

FRANK SR.
Darcy, that's a pretty name. I'm in
a bit of fix -- I need a suit for my
kid. This is my son, Frank, he needs
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




11.

13 CONTINUED: 13
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
a black suit. There was a death in
the family, my father, eighty-five
years old, a war hero, there's a
funeral this afternoon -- a military
funeral -- planes flying overhead,
twenty-one gun salute. Frank needs
to borrow a suit for a couple of
hours.

DARCY
I'm sorry. We don't loan suits, and
we're not open.
As she closes the door, Frank Sr. takes a small GOLD
NECKLACE
OUT OF HIS POCKET, holds it up to the glass.

FRANK SR.
Is this yours, Darcy? I just found
it in the parking lot?
Darcy stares at the necklace through the door.

14 EXT. - NEW YORK CITY. - DAB O 14

The Cadillac is parked somewh
Frank, now wearing a BLACK SUIT a
his father gets out of the car andclimbs into the back seat

FRANK SR.
Slide over. You're gonna take me to
Chase Manhattan Bank. Just head up
to seventy-second and Madison, pull
up to the front and park next to the
fire hydrant.
Frank looks back at his father.
FRANK
Dad...I don't know how to drive.

15 EXT/INT. - CADILLAC. - DAY 15

Frank is driving through Manhattan, his father in the back
seat screaming directions as he teaches him to drive. They
are both laughing as Frank speeds through the city.

(CONTINUED)

DEBBIE ZANE




12.

15 CONTINUED: 15

FRANK SR.
A little more gas -- now slip it
into second. That's good, more clutch,
now pull into this lane here --
slowly!

THE CADILLAC SWERVES HARD, ALMOST HITTING A CAB -- CARS

HONKING AND SLAMMING ON THEIR BRAKES AS FRANK SR. STICKS HIS

HEAD OUT THE WINDOW.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
(yelling out the window)
Don't honk at us you son of a bitch --
I'm teaching my kid to drive! You're
doing fine, Frank, just pick a lane
and slip it into third -- about one-
o'clock -- push it hard.

< A
Frank slips it into third.
FRANK SR_ (cont'd)
Perfect! Now you got it! Look at
you, Frank, t is your town --
you're goin s aight up Broadway!

16 INT. - CHASE MANHATTAN. 16
1
EMPLOYEES ARE HELPING CUST RS the hushed silence of the
MASSIVE BANK. Suddenly all ey to the street, where A

CHAUFFEUR IN A BLACK SUIT AND OPENING THE BACK DOOR

OF A WHITE CADILLAC THAT IS P T TO A FIRE HYDRANT.

17 EXT. - CHASE MANHATTAN BANK. - DAY 17

Frank Sr. steps out of the Cadillac, gives his son a wink.

FRANK SR.
Okay. Stop grinning. When I get inside
you go back to the front seat and
wait. Even if a cop comes and writes
you a ticket, you don't move the
car, understood?

FRANK
Dad... is this really gonna help?

FRANK SR.
You know why the Yankees always win,
Frank?

FRANK
They have Mickey Mantle?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




13-

17 CONTINUED: 17

FRANK SR.
No. It's because the other teams
can't stop staring at those damn
pinstripes.
Frank Sr. steps out from the Cadillac, grabs his briefcase.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
Watch this, Frank. The manager of
Chase Manhattan bank is about to
open the door for your father.
As Frank Sr. casually walks toward the doors of Chase
Manhattan, the MANAGER rushes through the bank to open the
doors for him.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Comedy"]

Summary Frank Sr. desperately needs a black suit for his son, Frank, for a funeral. He tries to convince Darcy, an employee at a men's clothing store, to lend him one, but she refuses. Frank Sr. then finds a gold necklace in the parking lot and shows it to Darcy through the door. She recognizes it as hers, and Frank Sr. uses it as leverage to get her to open the store for him. Frank Sr. and Frank drive to Chase Manhattan Bank, where Frank Sr. teaches Frank how to drive along the way. Frank Sr. exits the car and enters the bank, while Frank waits in the car. Frank Sr. has the manager of the bank open the door for him.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Well-defined characters
  • Blend of drama and comedy
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines drama, crime, and comedy elements to create an engaging and entertaining sequence that advances the plot and reveals character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a father teaching his son to drive while planning a bank heist is intriguing and sets up a high-stakes situation with both comedic and dramatic elements.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with the father's plan to use the Cadillac for a bank heist adding tension and excitement to the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic theme of family bonds and respect for tradition. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Frank Sr. and Frank Jr., are well-defined and their relationship is central to the scene's dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Both Frank Sr. and Frank Jr. undergo subtle changes in their relationship dynamics and skills during the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to honor his father's memory by ensuring a proper funeral. This reflects his deeper need for closure and respect for his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to get a suit for his son for the funeral. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding a suit last minute.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters, the high-stakes situation of the bank heist, and the tension of teaching Frank Jr. to drive create a compelling conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene adds a layer of challenge and uncertainty, driving the protagonist to overcome obstacles and grow.

High Stakes: 9

The high-stakes situation of planning a bank heist while teaching Frank Jr. to drive adds tension and excitement to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the bank heist plan and deepening the father-son relationship.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turns in the protagonist's quest for a suit, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's values of family and respect for tradition, and the store's policy of not loaning suits. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about helping others in need.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to tension, adding depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, emotion, and high stakes. The audience is invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and dynamic, reflecting the urgency and tension of the protagonist's mission.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and emotion.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scenes, making it feel disjointed from the rest of the script.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural, especially the interaction between Frank Sr. and Darcy at the men's clothing store.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere.
  • The pacing of the scene is a bit rushed, with abrupt shifts in action and dialogue.
  • The character motivations and emotions could be more clearly conveyed to the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition into the scene to better connect it with the preceding events.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more authentic and engaging for the audience.
  • Include more visual details to paint a vivid picture of the setting and characters.
  • Take time to develop the pacing of the scene to allow for more natural progression of events.
  • Focus on conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively to enhance the audience's connection with the story.



Scene 6 -  Financial Struggles and a Fresh Start
18 INT. - LOAN DEPARTMENT. - CHASE MANHATTAN BANK. - DAY 18

Frank Sr. is sitting across from a LOAN OFFICER, who is
looking over his file.

LOAN OFFICER
You've owned stationery store
for how man rs?

LOAN OF
Mr. Abagnale, we don' `)1y loan
money to people who hav resolved
business with the I.R.S..

FRANK SR.
That's just a misunderstanding. I
hired the wrong guy to do my books,
a mistake anyone could make. I
wouldn't even consider that if I
were you.

LOAN OFFICER
You want me to ignore the fact that
the government is demanding two years
back taxes?

FRANK SR.
My store is a landmark in New
Rochelle. I have customers all over
New Jersey.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




14.

18 CONTINUED: 18
LOAN OFFICER
Sir, you're not a customer of Chase
Manhattan. We don't know you. I'm
sure you're bank in New Rochelle...

FRANK SR.
My bank went out of business. Banks
like this put them out of business.
Frank Sr. leans in, lowers his voice.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
Now I know I made a mistake, I admit
that. But these people want blood --
they want my store -- they've
threatened to put me in jail. This
is America, right, I'm not a criminal.
I'm a medal of honor winner, a
lifetime member of the New Rochelle
Rotary Club. All I'm asking you to
do is help me beat these guys.

LFRX OFFICER
This is not estion of winning
and losing. It, question of risk.
I'm very sort

FRAN
You're the largest ion the world.
Where's the fucking

19 EXT. - USED CAR LOT. - DAY 19

A SALESMAN is handing Frank Sr. A CHECK and a set of KEYS.

SALESMAN
The Impala is parked right over there.
Frank and his father glance toward an OLD, DENTED CHEVY
IMPALA
at the back of the lot.

SALESMAN (CONT'D)
it was great doing business with
you.
THE SALESMAN gets in the CADILLAC and drives it toward the
front of the car lot. Frank Sr. looks down at the CHECK in
his hand.

FRANK SR.
Come on, Frank. Let's go return the
suit.
Debbie 7 ana - S
15.

20 EXT. - FRANK'S HOUSE. - DAY 20

A MOVING TRUCK IS DRIVING AWAY FROM THE HOUSE. The Chevy
Impala is packed with boxes as it slowly pulls out of the
driveway, passing the SOLD SIGN on the front lawn as it
follows the moving truck through the neighborhood.

21 EXT. - EASTCHESTER TRAIN STATION. - DUSK 21

A CARGO TRAIN shoots through the rain as it pulls into a run
down station that is flanked by the dilapidated APARTMENT
BUILDINGS AND TENEMENT HOUSES that make up the town of

EASTCHESTER, NEW JERSEY.

22 INT. - EASTCHESTER APARTMENT - NIGHT 22

A TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT with cracks in the ceiling that seem
to grow with each passing train. There are MOVING BOXES
STACKED AGAINST THE WALLS, and a dining room table that
seems
to take up half the apartment.
Frank is in the kitchen making dinner as his father walks in
from work -- his suit wX kled, his briefcase in hand.

J P
ank laughs with him.

FRANK (CONT'D)
I'm making pancakes.

FRANK SR.
We're not gonna eat pancakes for
dinner on my son's sixteenth birthday.
Frank turns to his father.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
Why are you looking at me like that?
You thought I forgot?
Frank opens his BRIEFCASE, takes out a CHECKBOOK FROM CHASE
MANHATTAN BANK. He walks over and hands it to Frank.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




16.

22 CONTINUED: 22
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
I opened a checking account in your
name. I put twenty-five dollars in
the account so you can buy whatever
you want. Don't tell you mother.
Frank slowly opens the CHECKBOOK, sees his name at the top
of the first check.

FRANK
But they turned down your loan?

FRANK SR.
Yeah. They all turned me down.

FRANK
So why open a bank account with them?

FRANK SR..
Because one day you'll want something
from these people -- a house, a car --
they have all the money. There's a
hundred check ere, Frank, which
means from i day on -- you're in

THEIR LITTL
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Family"]

Summary Frank Sr. faces loan rejection due to tax issues, leading to a used car purchase and a move to a modest apartment. Despite setbacks, he opens a bank account for his son, emphasizing the importance of Chase Manhattan Bank.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Exploration of family dynamics
  • Realistic portrayal of financial struggles
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and sets up a compelling narrative arc.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a father trying to secure a better future for his son through unconventional means is engaging and relatable.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the father's struggles to secure a loan and his subsequent actions to provide for his son, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the classic theme of financial hardship and legal threats, focusing on the personal and emotional aspects of the characters' struggles. The dialogue feels authentic and resonates with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with the father's determination and the son's curiosity and gratitude shining through.

Character Changes: 8

The father undergoes a transformation from desperation to determination, setting up potential growth for the character.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank Sr.'s internal goal is to maintain his dignity and integrity in the face of financial hardship and legal threats. He wants to prove that he is not a criminal and that he deserves help and support.

External Goal: 7

Frank Sr.'s external goal is to secure a loan to save his store and livelihood from the threat of closure and legal action.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the father's financial struggles and his desire to provide for his son creates tension and stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with clear obstacles and challenges for the protagonist to overcome, creating suspense and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the father risks his reputation and financial security to provide for his son.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the father's motivations and the challenges he faces.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Frank Sr. and the loan officer, as well as the uncertain outcome of their confrontation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between individual integrity and institutional power. Frank Sr. believes in his own innocence and moral standing, while the loan officer represents the cold, impersonal nature of corporate bureaucracy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is high, evoking empathy and connection with the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, the conflict between the characters, and the audience's investment in Frank Sr.'s struggle to save his store.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene adheres to standard screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, building tension through dialogue and character interactions. It effectively sets up the conflict and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Frank Sr. trying to secure a loan at Chase Manhattan Bank to him buying a used car and moving to a new apartment. This transition feels disjointed and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue between Frank Sr. and the loan officer feels a bit forced and could be more natural. The conversation about the IRS tax issues and the loan denial could be more nuanced and realistic.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the setting and atmosphere. Adding more visual elements could help immerse the audience in the scene and make it more engaging.
  • The emotional impact of Frank Sr.'s struggles and desperation could be portrayed more effectively. Showcasing his frustration and determination in a more compelling way could evoke stronger empathy from the audience.
  • The transition from Frank Sr. being denied a loan to suddenly opening a bank account for his son feels rushed and could benefit from a smoother transition or additional context to connect the two events.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between Frank Sr.'s loan denial and the subsequent actions he takes. This could involve showing his thought process or emotions more clearly.
  • Work on making the dialogue between Frank Sr. and the loan officer more realistic and engaging. Focus on creating authentic interactions that reveal more about the characters and their motivations.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions in the scene to create a more vivid and immersive setting. Use details to paint a clearer picture of the environment and characters' actions.
  • Explore ways to deepen the emotional impact of Frank Sr.'s struggles and desperation. Show his internal conflict and external challenges more vividly to engage the audience on a deeper level.
  • Consider providing more context or a smoother transition between the different events in the scene to improve the overall flow and coherence of the narrative.



Scene 7 -  Frank's Arrival at Monroe High
23 EXT. - MONROE HIGH SCHOO MORNING 23


O FLL\
THE IMPALA pulls up to the f the local public High
School. Frank wears his BLUE WHITE PANTS as he
gets out of the car and smiles r mother. Paula wears an
OLD FUR COAT over her pajamas.

I

PAULA
See that, it's just a school. No
different than Buckley.
Frank reaches through the window of the car, takes the
CIGARETTE out of his mother's mouth.

FRANK
You promised you were going to quit.

PAULA
Frankie, you don't have to wear the
uniform here. Why don't you take the
jacket off?

FRANK
I'm used to it.
Debbie Zane - 5




17.

24 INT. - MONROE HIGH SCHOOL. - DAY 24

Frank walks through the crowded halls looking lost as he
holds a CLASS SCHEDULE. He gets odd looks and stares from
the kids around him.

25 INT. - CLASSROOM. - DAY 25

Frank walks into a packed classroom, the STUDENTS turning to
stare as he checks his schedule.

FRANK
Is this Ms. Glasser's sixth period
French?
Some of the students laugh, most just turn back to their
friends as Frank nervously adjusts his tie. A GIRL in the
front row stares at Frank.

STUDENT
Are you the sub?
Frank looks around for `� teacher, then slowly starts to

NOD_
Frank walks toward the blac writes his name on the
board -- MR. ABAGNALE. HE S ACK OF AN ERASER against
the board to get the students a n.
FRANK (CONT'D)

I
Listen up, class. My name is Mr.
Abagnale and I'll be your substitute
today. Would somebody please tell me
where you left off in your text book?

GIRL
Chapter seven.

FRANK
Open your books to chapter eight,
read quietly to yourselves.
The classroom door swings open, and a frail, confused
TEACHER
walks in and motions to Frank.

TEACHER
Are you subbing for Roberta?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




18.

25 CONTINUED: 25

FRANK
Yes.

TEACHER
They sent for me -- they said they
needed a sub. I rushed over here
from Dixon.

FRANK
I always sub for Roberta.

TEACHER
I'll never come to Monroe again.
You tell them not to call me!
The WOMAN storms out, and Frank turns back to the students.
FRANK
I suggest you start reading people.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Frank and Paula arrive at Monroe High. Paula encourages Frank to shed the uniform, but he refuses. Frank enters the buzzing halls only to be met with strange stares. In class, a frail teacher dismisses Frank and leaves the students confused. Frank takes charge, introducing himself as the substitute and advising the class to read people.
Strengths
  • Effective balance of tension and humor
  • Compelling character development
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Transition between prison and high school scenes could be smoother

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances tension and humor, providing depth to the characters and advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes prison escape intertwined with a light-hearted school scene creates a compelling contrast that keeps the audience engaged.

Plot: 8

The plot moves forward with Frank's escape and his attempt to blend in at the high school, adding layers to his character.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the familiar setting of a high school, focusing on the protagonist's experience as a substitute teacher. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Frank showing vulnerability and determination, and Paula adding a touch of humor and warmth.

Character Changes: 7

Frank shows resilience and resourcefulness in the face of adversity, while Paula adds a layer of complexity to her character through her interactions with Frank.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the unfamiliar environment of Monroe High School and establish his identity in this new setting. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully substitute for Roberta and maintain his reputation as a reliable substitute teacher. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in handling the unexpected situation with the confused teacher.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict is high, with Frank's escape and the tension in the prison contrasting with the lighter moments at the high school.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, with the confused teacher's unexpected arrival challenging the protagonist's ability to maintain control.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with Frank's life on the line in the prison escape and his future at risk in the high school setting.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by advancing Frank's escape plan and deepening the relationship between Frank and Paula.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interaction with the confused teacher and the protagonist's struggle to establish his identity in a new environment.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is evident in the protagonist's struggle to adapt to a new environment while maintaining his sense of self and reputation. This challenges his beliefs about his own capabilities and adaptability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to amusement, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension in the prison scene and the light-hearted banter between Frank and Paula.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the protagonist's struggle in a relatable and humorous way, drawing the audience into his experience and creating tension and humor.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high school setting, with clear transitions between locations and interactions that build tension and humor.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, as it jumps from Frank arriving at Monroe High School to him walking through the halls and then entering a classroom as a substitute teacher.
  • There is a lack of depth in character development and interaction, as the dialogue feels superficial and the interactions between Frank and the students are not engaging.
  • The transition between the arrival at the school and the classroom scene is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the flow of the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more context and background information to help the audience understand Frank's motivations and emotions as he navigates this new environment.
  • The scene lacks tension or conflict, which makes it feel flat and uninteresting for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a clear objective or goal for Frank in this scene to drive the narrative forward and engage the audience.
  • Develop the interactions between Frank and the students to create more dynamic and engaging dialogue that reveals more about the characters.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different parts of the scene to create a more cohesive and coherent storyline.
  • Provide more context and background information to help the audience connect with Frank's experiences and emotions in this new environment.
  • Introduce a conflict or obstacle for Frank to overcome in the scene to add depth and tension to the narrative.



Scene 8 -  Confrontation at Monroe High and Home
26 INT. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. - MONROE HIGH SCHOOL - DAY 26

PRINCIPAL EVANS AND VIARINCIPAL BROWN are standing in
front of Frank Sr. an la, who sit in two small chairs
facing the Principal'
been coming to schq�� not?

VICE-PRIN ROWN
Mr. and Mrs. Abagnale, �1� is not a
question of your son's attendance.

PRINCIPAL EVANS
For the past week Frank has been
teaching Ms. Glasser's French class.

PAULA
He what?

PRINCIPAL EVANS
Your son has been pretending to be a
substitute teacher, lecturing the
students, giving out homework.

VICE-PRINCIPAL BROWN
Ms. Glasser has been ill, and there
was some confusion with the real sub --
we're still not sure what happened.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




19.

26 CONTINUED: 26

PRINCIPAL EVANS
Your son held a teacher-parent
conference yesterday. He was planning
a class field trip to a French bread
factory in Trenton. Do you see the
problem we have?
Frank Sr. and Paula seem a bit confused.

PAULA
This is our fault, Principal Evans.
Frank had been at Buckley since he
was a little boy. We had to take him
out for personal reasons, away from
his friends -- you know how kids
are. He's all alone here.

FRANK SR.
He's not alone. He has us.

27 EXT. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. - SAME TIME 27

Frank is sitting outsid' he Principal's office wearing his
coat and tie, waiting oI his parents to come out. He
watches
as a FOOTBALL PLAYER hands- SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR a note.

FO IL PLAYER
I have a note fr try om. I need to
miss sixth period she's taking
me to the doctor.

N

SCHOOL ADMI I"RATOR
Thank you, Roger.
As the Football player walks off, Frank leans over to look
at the note. The Administrator catches him looking.

FRANK
It's a fake.

SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR
Excuse me?

FRANK
There's no crease in the paper.

SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR
I don't understand.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -
20.

27 CONTINUED: 27

FRANK
When your mom hands you a note to
miss school, you put it in your
pocket. And if it was in his pocket,
where's the crease?

28 INT. - PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. - DAY 28

Frank Sr. lights a cigarette as he stands up to leave.

FRANK SR.
Excuse me. I have to go to work.

PRINCIPAL EVANS
Sir, we have no choice but to suspend
Frank for one week, and transfer him
out of French and into German.

FRANK SR.
You're not suspending anyone. if you
go after my son I'll go before the
school board and ask them who's
minding the ste at Monroe High.
I'll ask my4bbd friend Tom Walsh
how it's po s' or a little kid
to teach a Fr n ajZa, t ss for an entire
week without tP incipal of the
school knowing a i%- I might
even mention the f t my son
doesn't speak Frenc
29 INT. - MONROE HIGH SCHOOL. -DAY w/ 29
Frank closes his locker, sees FOUR CHEERLEADERS standing in
front of him. The leader of the group, JOANNA, steps
forward.

JOANNA
Are you that transfer from Buckley?
Frank looks a bit confused as he stares at the girls.

FRANK
Yes.

JOANNA
My name is Joanna Carlson, and I was
wondering if you were going to the
Junior Prom?

FRANK
No. I don't have a date yet. My name
is Frank Abagnale.

(CONTINUED)




21.

29 CONTINUED: 29

JOANNA
Frank, do you think you could buy my'
friends and I some beer before the
dance? All the other guys are afraid
to try.

FRANK
I'm only sixteen. How could I buy
you beer?

JOANNA
If you're old enough to teach French,
you're old enough to buy beer.

30 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - DAY 30

Frank walks in from school, throws his books on n-a chair
and
opens the refrigerator. The radio is on and there's a bottle
of wine on the counter.

FRANK
Mom, I'm home.
Nobody answers, and Fk'"slowly walks toward the back bedroom
door, which is closed.
Frank's about to knock when th�t b om door suddenly opens,
and Paula walks out with JACK W - the Rotary Club
President -- who wears a tailored ck suit. Paula wears a
dress and holds a tray of food.

PAULA
That's all there is, two bedrooms,
but we're getting used to it. Frankie,
you remember Dad's friend Jack Wright
from the club, he came by looking
for your father -- I was giving him
a tour of the apartment.

JACK WRIGHT
Very spacious, Paula.

FRANK
Dad's at work.
Frank stares at Jack, who walks over and picks up his HAT
off the chair.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




22.

30 CONTINUED: 30

JACK WRIGHT
You look more like your old man every
day. Thanks for the sandwich, Paula.
I'll see ya later.

FRANK
Wait.
Frank walks to the couch, picks up a small ROTARY PIN that
is lying on the cushions. He holds it up to Jack.

JACK WRIGHT
Thank you, Frank. That's the
President's pin. I'd be in big trouble
if I lost that.
Jack clips the pin to his jacket, turns and walks out the
door.

PAULA
Are you hungry, Frankie? I'll make
you a sandwich.
Paula walks into the )Efien, opens the refrigerator and
starts making a sandw
PAWcont ' d)
Jack wanted to t ob ness with
your father. He sa' we should
sue the government, a 's not
legal what they're do us. Why
aren't you saying anyth
Frank stares at his mother, who continues to make his
sandwich.

PAULA (CONT'D)
You're not going to tell him, are
you?
Paula walks over to her son, her hands shaking as she hands
him a sandwich.

FRANK
No.

PAULA
That'sright. There's nothing to
tell.I'mgoing outfor a few hours,
visitsomeold friends from the tennis
club.Andwhen I get home we'll all

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane . 5




23.

30 CONTINUED: (2) 30
PAULA (cont' d)
have dinner together, right? But your
won't say anything, because it's
just stupid, isn't it?
Paula lights a cigarette, walks toward the door.

PAULA (CONT'D)
Do you need some money, Frankie, a
few dollars to buy some record albums?
Here, take five dollars.
Paula holds out five dollars, and Frank walks toward her,
reaches up and takes the cigarette out of her mouth.
FRANK
You promised you were going to quit.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Frank Abagnale Sr. and Paula Abagnale are confronted by school officials about their son Frank Jr.'s unauthorized teaching. Frank Jr. reveals a forged sick note, leading to tension. He confronts his mother about her affair, and she responds by giving him money and leaving the apartment.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Well-developed characters
  • Blend of drama and comedy
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion in the plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends drama and comedy, creating a compelling and engaging narrative with a mix of tones and sentiments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a student pretending to be a substitute teacher adds depth and intrigue to the scene, exploring themes of deception and identity.

Plot: 7

The plot unfolds in an interesting way, with the revelation of Frank pretending to be a substitute teacher adding a layer of complexity to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the high school setting by exploring themes of deception and family dynamics. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward, especially with Frank Sr.'s defiance and Paula's concern for her son.

Character Changes: 7

Frank's character undergoes a change as he navigates the challenges of pretending to be a substitute teacher.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to navigate the challenges of fitting in at a new school and dealing with personal family issues. His desire for acceptance and belonging is reflected in his interactions with the cheerleaders and his mother.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to avoid suspension and maintain his facade as a substitute teacher. He also faces the challenge of buying beer for the cheerleaders.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a conflict between the school authorities and Frank Sr., as well as internal conflicts within the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as the school's decision to suspend Frank and his mother's deception, creates tension and conflict that drive the story forward.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively high as Frank's deception is uncovered and his future at the school is at risk.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and revealing more about the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its twists and turns, especially in Frank's interactions with the cheerleaders and his mother.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the theme of deception and identity. Frank's actions of pretending to be a teacher and his mother's lies to him create a moral dilemma.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from confusion to humor to concern, making it emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the personalities of the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to its mix of humor, drama, and suspense, keeping the audience invested in Frank's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing dialogue-heavy moments with action and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow the action and dialogue.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a traditional structure for a high school drama, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from a lighthearted and playful tone in the previous scenes to a more serious and tense tone in this scene, which can be jarring for the audience.
  • The dialogue between the characters feels a bit forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.
  • The conflict introduced in the scene, with Frank Jr. pretending to be a substitute teacher, feels contrived and lacks a strong emotional impact.
  • The visual elements in the scene are not well-described, making it hard for the audience to visualize the setting and characters' actions.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, leaving the audience feeling unsatisfied and disconnected from the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the tone of the scene to better align with the overall tone of the screenplay and provide a smoother transition for the audience.
  • Develop the dialogue between the characters to add depth and authenticity, allowing the audience to better understand the characters' motivations and emotions.
  • Enhance the conflict in the scene by adding more stakes and emotional weight to Frank Jr.'s actions as a substitute teacher.
  • Provide more detailed descriptions of the visual elements in the scene to create a vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
  • Ensure the scene has a clear resolution or climax that ties back to the overall narrative arc of the screenplay and leaves the audience with a sense of closure.



Scene 9 -  New Beginnings
31 EXT. - ABAGNALE STATIONERS. - NEW ROCHELLE. - DAY 31

A large stationery store sits right in the middle of the
upscale neighborhood of New Rochelle.

32 INT. - STATIONERY STO A DAY 32

Frank is working behindvt" nter of his father's store,
gently placing a SILVER cross a velvet display pad. A
WOMAN stares down at the p 0

FRANK
This is a 925 sterlihk� �er
Waldmann ballpoint pen V a two-
color twist action top. Just turn it

0.
like this -- the ink changes from
black to blue. Nine dollars.

WOMAN
They have them in the city for six.
As the woman walks out of the store, Frank Sr. comes running
out of his office, which doubles as the stockroom. He holds
a letter in his hand.

FRANK SR.
It's over. I did it, Frank. The sons
of bitches have called off the dogs --
read it and weep. I beat the United
States government. Take a look at
that.
Frank Sr. hands Frank a letter.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




24.

32 CONTINUED: 32
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
See what it says -- the I.R.S is
backing off. They're gonna take their
money and run -- no charges filed,
no further investigations into this
matter. They thought they could get
me, and I sent Uncle Sam running for
the hills.

FRANK
Does this mean we can move home?

FRANK SR.
We're gonna move back here, Frank,
get a new house, a new car --

FRANK
A red Cadillac with white interior.

FRANK SR.
It's gonna take a little time, but
we're gonna get it all back --every
fur coat, eve goddamn piece of
silver! Com o help me lock up.
We're going tg4 brace!
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Family"]

Summary In the bustling stationery store of New Rochelle, Frank toils diligently. Amidst the clatter of paper and the scent of ink, his father, Frank Sr., bursts forth with exhilarating news. The IRS, a looming threat that had cast a long shadow over their lives, has retreated, clearing the path for a joyous homecoming. With dreams reignited, they embark on a mission to reclaim all they have lost, their spirits soaring with hope and anticipation for the bright future that lies ahead.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some predictable plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of hope and optimism for the future while also touching on emotional family dynamics. The dialogue and interactions between characters are engaging and drive the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of overcoming legal challenges and starting fresh is compelling and relatable. The scene effectively portrays the family's resilience and determination to move forward.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the resolution of the family's legal issues and their plans for the future. It sets the stage for new developments and challenges ahead.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to a familiar theme of overcoming obstacles, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Frank Sr. and Frank Jr., are well-developed and their interactions reveal their strong bond and shared goals. The scene showcases their personalities and motivations effectively.

Character Changes: 6

Frank Sr. experiences a significant change in his circumstances, moving from a place of legal trouble to a sense of relief and optimism. This change sets the stage for new developments in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to feel a sense of security and stability after the turmoil with the government. He desires to return home and rebuild his life.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to move back home, get a new house, and a new car, symbolizing a fresh start and success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is some conflict surrounding the family's legal troubles, the overall tone of the scene is more hopeful and optimistic. The conflict is resolved, leading to a sense of resolution and new beginnings.

Opposition: 7

The opposition rating is moderate, with the conflict between Frank Sr.'s pride and Frank's desire for simplicity.

High Stakes: 6

While the family's legal troubles were high stakes, the resolution of these issues reduces the immediate tension in the scene. However, the stakes remain high in terms of the family's future and their plans for a fresh start.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the family's legal issues and setting up new challenges and opportunities for the characters. It paves the way for future developments and character growth.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events with the government backing off.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between Frank Sr.'s pride in beating the government and Frank's desire for a simpler life. It challenges Frank's values of honesty and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of hope, nostalgia, and determination. The characters' reactions to the good news and their plans for the future create a sense of warmth and connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and engaging, revealing the characters' emotions and motivations. It drives the scene forward and adds depth to the relationships between characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes and character dynamics at play.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue format.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions and character development.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or conflict, which is essential for engaging storytelling.
  • The dialogue between Frank Sr. and Frank feels forced and lacks depth, making the interaction feel superficial.
  • The transition between the previous scene and this one is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly, leaving the audience disoriented.
  • There is a lack of visual elements or descriptive language to create a vivid picture of the setting and characters in the reader's mind.
  • The emotional impact of the scene, such as the relief of the IRS backing off, is not effectively conveyed through the dialogue or actions of the characters.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a conflict or obstacle that Frank Sr. and Frank need to overcome to add tension and drive the scene forward.
  • Develop the relationship between Frank Sr. and Frank by adding more depth to their interactions and exploring their emotions and motivations.
  • Consider a smoother transition from the previous scene to this one to maintain the narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting and characters to create a more immersive reading experience.
  • Focus on conveying the emotional impact of the IRS backing off through the characters' reactions and dialogue to make the scene more compelling.



Scene 10 -  Showdown at the Dive Bar
33 INT. - VILLAGE INN BAR. ='rEASTCHESTER. - DAY 33
Frank follows his father int ILLAGE INN BAR, a
neighborhood dive that is ful 'lway workers coming off
the night shift. Frank and his are greeted with cold
stares from a handful of REGULARS are drinking and
watching a mounted black and white TV.

NEWSCASTER (V.0. ON TV)
The Warren Commission has concluded
their investigation into the
assassination of President Kennedy,
and has found that Lee Harvey Oswald
acted alone, with no evidence of
conspiracy, domestic or foreign.

FRANK SR.
(to the bartender)
Bring us a couple of beers and two
shots of Canadian.

BARTENDER
I need to see the kid's I.D..

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5
25.

33 CONTINUED: 33

FRANK SR.
This kid is the head salesman in my
company. He's twenty-two and he's
making five bills a week, so just
bring the drinks and mind your
business.
Frank and his father sit at a small table in the middle of
the bar. Frank looks uncomfortable as his father lights a
cigar.

FRANK
Maybe I should wait in the car.

FRANK SR.
Are you afraid of these men? Look at
the way, they sit, the way they dress,
the way they drink. What are they,
railway men? Cargo loaders? Those
men haven't earned the right to judge
us. I beat Uncle Sam, what have they
ever done?
The WAITRESS brings o the drinks, and Frank Sr. quickly
downs both shots. He ak DIME out of his pocket and sets
it on the table.
FRANSR. %cont d)
Frank, I wa nt you that dime
and go put it in th u x. Pick
something loud. We're ating.
Frank glances to the bar, where the MEN are quietly watching
the-TV. The JUKEBOX is directly under the television.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
You know who I like? Lesley Gore.

FRANK
Dad... they're watching TV.

FRANK SR.
Yes. But in a moment they'll be
listening to Lesley Gore. We're gonna
teach the drunks to mind their
manners.
FRANK
I think they know I'm not eighteen.

FRANK SR.
People only know what you tell them.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




26.

33 CONTINUED: (2) 33
Frank Sr. picks up the dime and holds it up to. his son.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
Take the dime, son. Just take the
dime and walk over there like you
just closed a big deal. Walk over
there like you got a roll of twenties
right next to your pecker.
Frank gets out of his chair and nervously faces his Father.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
And don't forget to smile while you're
shoving it down their throats.
Frank holds his father's dime as he slowly walks toward the
JUKEBOX. THE MEN AT THE BAR see him coming, slowly turn on
their stools.

MAN #1
Don't play that thing, kid.
Frank nervously stands alt " ukebox. Some of the men have
gotten off their stools drinks in hand.

MAN #2
We asked you not to' , kid.
The President is abou Gd ke a
speech.
Frank looks toward his father, who sits back in his chair,
smoking and smiling. Frank's hand shakes as he reaches out,
drops the dime into the jukebox.

MAN #1
We're not gonna tell you again.
Step away from the jukebox.
FRANK SR.
Why you bothering the kid? You got a
problem, come bother me.
Frank watches as TWO DRUNKS walk toward his father. They
both hold PITCHERS OF BEER in their hands.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
Hit the button, Frank. You hit that
goddamn button!

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




27.

33 CONTINUED: (3) 33
As Frank reaches out and hits the button, the men start to
pour their beers over his father's head. FranWSr. does
nothing to stop them, the smile never leaving his face as he
screams at his son.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
That's right, Frank! Who are they!
Who are they!
THE JUKEBOX springs to life, and WE HEAR LESLEY GORE singing
"IT'S MY PARTY." The men continue to pour their beers over
Frank Sr.'s head, the entire bar screaming with laughter.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
Bus drivers! Security guards! Fry
cooks! Now they understand! They
can't win, Frank, they can't beat
me!

34 INT. - EASTCHESTER COURTHOUSE. - DAY 34

A LARGE COURTROOM -- ONLY FIVE PEOPLE INSIDE. On one side
of
the room WE SEE FRANK S wearing a white suit that doesn't
quite fit -- a notice stain on the shirt. His weathered
black briefcase is on"t k in front of him.
Paula is on the other si the courtroom, wearing a blue
church dress and holding a li% cigarette in her hand.
Paula and Frank Sr. sit with lawyers facing JUDGE
LARKIN, who is examining the E for the first time.
JUDGE LARKI
Would the boy step forward and state
his name for the record.
Frank is seated in the middle of the courtroom -- a backpack
on the floor at his feet. Frank slowly walks toward the
bench.

FRANK
Frank William Abagnale Jr.

JUDGE LARKIN
Frank, the court apologizes for
pulling you out of school this
morning. Are you aware of the fact
that your parents have filed for
divorce?
Frank glances at his mother, then slowly shakes his head
"no."

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




28.

34 CONTINUED: 34
JUDGE LARKIN (cont'd)
Again, I apologize. This is a custody
hearing to determine who you are
going to live with after the divorce.
Your mother and father are leaving
this decision up to you. For the
record, I would like to praise both
parents for showing such confidence
in their son, who they believe will
make the best decision for himself
and his family.
Frank stares straight ahead, his breathing forced as he
stares
at Judge Larkin.
JUDGE LARKIN (cont'd)
Okay, Frank, I'm going to ask you a
difficult question. Who's it going
to be, your mother or your father?
Frank looks to his father, then turns and stares at his
mother
for a long BEAT.
Can I have
it?

35 EXT. - EASTCHESTER. - DAY \Z:�/O 35

town, of sheer desperation
on s hif ace as h e runs pas t dil a� d shops and
abandoned
buildings -- racing a train that lowing pulling into the
Eastchester station. fi

36 INT. - EASTCHESTER TRAIN STATION. - DAY. 36

Frank runs up to the ticket window at the TRAIN STATION.

FRANK
One ticket to Grand Central, please.

TICKET CLERK
Three dollars and fifty cents.

FRANK
Can I write you a check?

37 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON. - MARSEILLE. - NIGHT 37

THE CELL DOOR IS PULLED OPEN, and Frank slowly walks out and
faces Joe Shaye, who is holding a pair of HANDCUFFS and
standing with FBI AGENTS EARL AMDURSKY and TOM FOX- All
three

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




29.

37 CONTINUED: 37
AGENTS get a glimpse inside the cell -- and they all
quickly
turn away.
JOE SHAYE
Frank, this is Agent Amdursky and
Agent Fox. They'll be helping with
the extradition.
Joe puts the handcuffs on Frank, who can barely stay on his
feet as he slowly turns to Warden Garren.

FRANK
Your wife is sleeping with one of
the guards. Just thought you should
know.

38 INT. - HOTEL ROOM. - FRANCE. - NIGHT 38

Joe Shaye, Amdursky and Fox are all watching Frank as he
sits naked in a bathtub, his handcuffs still on as he tries
to shave his beard.

39 INT. - HOTEL ROOM. - FF5?% - NIGHT 39

Frank has one hand 4N Ll to a chair, and both legs
SHACKLED to the corner ed. He's eating a sandwich
and drinking a glass of s Joe Shaye sits across from
him.

JOE SHA
Just sit back and get table.
We leave for the airpor nine
hours.

FRANK
I want to call my father.

JOE SHAYE
You can call him when we get to New
York? I apologize for the room --
it's the only place the agency could
afford.

FRANK
Don't worry, Joe. I've stayed in
worse.

40 EXT. - TIMES SQUARE HOTEL. - NIGHT 40

Frank wears blue pajamas as he's THROWN OUT OF A DILAPIDATED
TIMES SQUARE HOTEL ROOM BY THE NIGHT MANAGER, who is
dragging
him toward the door.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -
30.

40 CONTINUED: 40

SUPER: OCTOBER. 1964

MANAGER
I don't want to hear your story.
That's two checks that bounced, do
you know how much trouble I'm in?

FRANK
The bank made a mistake, Andy, I'll
write you a check right now! Please,
it's midnight, I have no place to
go.
The Manager pushes Frank into the cage elevator.

MANAGER
You're a goddamn kid. You should be
in school.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Family"]

Summary Frank and his father face hostility in a dive bar, but Frank eventually stands up to the regulars and plays a song, resolving the conflict.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and high stakes faced by the characters, with strong dialogue and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family loyalty, betrayal, and legal troubles is well-developed and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the family's struggles with divorce, custody, and legal issues, adding depth to the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the father-son relationship, with a unique setting and high-stakes conflict. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with complex relationships and motivations that drive the emotional intensity of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant emotional changes and revelations, particularly in the face of betrayal and legal troubles.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to prove himself to his father and gain his approval. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance from his father.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to navigate the challenging situation in the bar and assert his independence in front of the regulars.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the tension and emotional impact of the narrative.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and high stakes that keep the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of family loyalty, betrayal, and legal consequences heighten the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character relationships, conflicts, and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events and the tension between characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Frank's desire to please his father and the pressure to conform to societal expectations. It challenges Frank's beliefs about success and masculinity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly regarding family bonds, betrayal, and resilience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the characters' emotions, conflicts, and relationships effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest, contributing to its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and resolution, fitting the expected format for a dramatic confrontation.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, jumping from Frank and his father entering a bar to Frank being arrested in a prison in Marseille.
  • The transition between scenes is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative flow.
  • There is a lack of character development and depth in this scene, with Frank Sr. and Frank Jr. portrayed in a superficial manner.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, especially the interactions between Frank Sr. and Frank Jr. in the bar.
  • The scene fails to build tension or create a sense of urgency, resulting in a lackluster and unengaging sequence of events.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a clear beginning, middle, and end with a central conflict or goal for the characters to pursue.
  • Focus on developing the relationship between Frank Sr. and Frank Jr. to add emotional depth and complexity to their interactions.
  • Improve the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Enhance the visual elements of the scene to create a more immersive and engaging setting for the audience.
  • Work on creating a more cohesive and coherent narrative flow by smoothing out the transitions between different locations and events.



Scene 11 -  Frank's Desperate Attempt
41 INT. - NEW YORK HOTEL ROOM. - NIGHT 41

A decrepit Times Square hotel room. Frank sits up in bed
staring down at his NEW RSEY DRIVER'S LICENSE -- which is
a simple I.D. CARD wi picture. Frank uses a pen to change
the date of birth fro lf o 1938.
42 INT. - NEW YORK SAVINGS BTKf - DAY 42

O
Frank holds a BLACK BRIEFCAS st ands in front of a
FEMALE BANK TELLER holding a HATTAN CHECK.

FRANK
My boss sent me to Brooklyn, then
Queens, now he wants me in Long Island
and I'm short train fare. It's my
first week -- I don't think I'm cut
out to be a salesman.

ASHLEY
I'm sorry, but we're not allowed to
cash checks from other banks. How
would we know if they were any good?

FRANK
What's your name?

ASHLEY
Ashley.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




31.

42 CONTINUED: 42

FRANK
You do me this favor, Ashley, and
I'll give you this sterling silver
Waldmann pen. It's German. What do
you say?
Frank takes the PEN out of his pocket.

ASHLEY
I feel so bad. I'm really not supposed
to take the check. How about if I
just loan you a few dollars myself?
Ashley takes some money out of her own pocket.

FRANK
That's okay, Ashley. I'll find my
way to Chase Manhattan.

43 EXT. - BANK. - DAY 43

As Frank walks out of the bank, he watches A PILOT AND TWO
FLIGHT ATTENDANTS step of a cab right in front of him.
They are all laughing A s hey head for the revolving doors
of the MAYFAIR HOTEL.
Frank watches as the PIL IPS THE DOORMAN A FIVE DOLLAR

BILL.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a futile effort to cash a check, Frank resorts to forging his driver's license. At the bank, he unsuccessfully bribes teller Ashley with a pen. Despite her refusal, Ashley offers a loan, which he declines. Outside, the sight of a pilot tipping a doorman amplifies Frank's feelings of isolation. His desperation remains unresolved, leaving him alone and isolated.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled escape sequence
  • Emotionally charged interactions between characters
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly forced or cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-executed, with a strong focus on tension and emotion. The escape sequence is gripping, and the conflict between the characters adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a daring escape from prison combined with the pursuit by law enforcement is engaging and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the escape attempt and the interactions between the characters. It moves the story forward and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a struggling salesman trying to make ends meet in a gritty urban setting. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Frank Abagnale Jr. and Joe Shaye, are well-developed and their motivations are clear. Their dynamic adds tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Frank Abagnale Jr. undergoes a significant change as he goes from a vulnerable, sick prisoner to a determined escapee. Joe Shaye also experiences a shift in his attitude towards Frank.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to make ends meet and succeed in his new job as a salesman. This reflects his deeper need for financial stability and his fear of failure.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal in this scene is to cash a check to get train fare for his job as a salesman. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in trying to make ends meet.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Frank Abagnale Jr. and Joe Shaye, as well as the high-stakes escape attempt, creates a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ashley's refusal to cash the check creating a significant obstacle for Frank to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Frank Abagnale Jr. risks everything to escape from prison and evade capture by law enforcement.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by setting up a new conflict and establishing the characters' motivations. It paves the way for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of whether Ashley will ultimately help Frank or not.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Frank's willingness to bend the rules to achieve his goal and Ashley's adherence to the bank's policies. This challenges Frank's values and worldview as he tries to navigate the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is high, as Frank Abagnale Jr.'s desperate situation and Joe Shaye's determination evoke strong feelings from the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters. It enhances the tension and conflict in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes and tension between the characters. The audience is invested in Frank's struggle to succeed.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and moving the story forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action and dialogue driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional impact, as it focuses on a mundane task of forging a driver's license and attempting to cash a check.
  • The dialogue between Frank and Ashley feels forced and lacks authenticity, making the interaction between them feel contrived.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve into Frank's character and motivations, as the scene only scratches the surface of his conning abilities.
  • The transition from the hotel room to the bank is abrupt and disjointed, making the scene feel disconnected and lacking in continuity.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal and fail to create a vivid and engaging setting for the scene.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to the scene by exploring Frank's inner thoughts and emotions while forging the driver's license and attempting to cash the check.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Frank and Ashley to make it more realistic and engaging, focusing on building tension and conflict in their interaction.
  • Provide more context and background information about Frank's character and his motivations for engaging in fraudulent activities.
  • Improve the transition between the hotel room and the bank by creating a smoother flow and connection between the two locations.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the decrepit Times Square hotel room and the bustling bank setting, immersing the audience in the scene.



Scene 12 -  Frank's Pilot Envy
44 INT. - MAYFAIR HOTEL. - MORNING, N\ v- 44
Frank follows the Pilot into the 'air, seesthe hotel
MANAGER rushing over to greet him. The entirelobby seems to
be focussed on the Pilot, with BELLMEN runningover to carry
0;
his bags -- the FLIGHT ATTENDANTS following his every move.
Frank turns to an aging BELLMAN.

FRANK
Excuse me, do you know that pilot?

BELLMAN
He's just one of those airline jerks.
Just because you fly at thirty
thousand feet, doesn't make you God.
Frank watches as the Pilot walks into the elevator, the
Flight
Attendants by his side.

FRANK (V.0.)
Dear Dad...I've decided to become an
airline pilot. I've applied at all

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




32.

44 CONTINUED: 44
FRANK (V.O.) (cont'd)
the big airlines, and have several
promising interviews lined up.

45 EXT. - PAY PHONE. - NEW YORK. - DAY 45

A packed street corner in the center of New York. Frank is
eating a hot dog as he talks on a PAY PHONE.

PAN AM OPERATOR (V.O.)
Pan Am, how may I help you?

FRANK
I'd like to speak to someone about a
uniform.
PAN AM OPERATOR
Hold for purchasing.
Frank turns and looks directly behind him, where WE SEE the
FIFTY STORIES OF THE PAN AN BUILDING standing tall in the
middle of the city.

HASING SUPERVISOR (V.O.)
Purchasing.

F
Yes. My name is illiams, and
I'm a co-ilot basp of San
Francisco. I flew a into New
York last night, and ving for
Paris in three hours.

PURCHASING SUPERVISOR (V.O.)
How can we help you?

FRANK
I sent my uniform out to be cleaned
through the hotel...

PURCHASING SUPERVISOR (V.O.)
Let me guess. They lost the uniform.
Happens all the time.

46 EXT. - NEW YORK STREET. - DAY 46

As the telephone conversation continues, WE SEE Frank
running
down a busy street, a big smile on his face as he cuts in
and out of an endless stream of people.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




33.

46 CONTINUED: 46

PURCHASING SUPERVISOR (V.0.)
Go down to the Well-Built Uniform
Company at Ninth and Broadway --
they're our uniform supplier. I'll
tell Mister Ross you're coming.
Frank sprints through the doors of the WELL-BUILT UNIFORM

COMPANY.

47 INT. - WELL-BUILT UNIFORM COMPANY. - DAY 47

Frank poses in front of a full length mirror wearing a brand
new PAN AM UNIFORM. MISTER ROSS kneels in front of him,
cuffing his pants. In the B.G., WE SEE rows and rows of
uniforms waiting to be shipped.

ROSS
What's your rank?

FRANK
I'm a co-pilot.

Z
Right seat.
look too yo ng �e a pilot.
Ross places a single GOLD BAR'�bp `# lapel of Frank's
jacket.

ROSS
How does that feel?

0

FRANK
It feels great.

ROSS
It's gonna be $164 dollars.

FRANK
No problem. I'll write you a check.

48 EXT. - NEW YORK. - DAY 48

Frank walks down Broadway in his new uniform, enjoying the
obvious glances he is getting from men and women who pass
by. He sees a little boy pointing at him, and he gives the
boy a playful salute. Frank can't help but smile as he drops
his briefcase in the nearest trash can, then turns and walks
into a bank.
Debbie Zane -
34.

49 INT. - BANK OF NEW YORK. - DAY 49

A FEMALE BANK TELLER is sneaking glances at Frank as she
counts out his money on the counter.

BANK TELLER
That's eighty, ninety, one hundred
dollars. You have yourself a great
time in Paris.

50 INT. - MAYFAIR HOTEL LOBBY. - NEW YORK CITY. - DAY 50

A busy, upscale business hotel in the heart of the city.
Frank stands in uniform at the front desk.

FRANK
I'm flying out to Paris in the C.
morning. Okay if I write you a check
for the room?

FRONT DESK CLERK
No problem, Sir.
I was also Sao if you could
cash a person for me. I've
got a date wit C� ute little hostess
this evening.

FRONT DB'U�,C K
For airline personnel O h checks
up to three hundred dol

I

FRANK
I won't need that much. Let's make
it two-fifty.

51 INT. - MAYFAIR HOTEL ROOM. - NEW YORK. - NIGHT 51

An episode of THE RIFLEMAN is on the black and white TV in
the hotel room. A ROOM SERVICE CART sits next to the bed,
piled high with half-eaten plates of french fries,
hamburgers,
and slices of apple pie.
As Frank sleeps on the king sized bed, the PILOT'S UNIFORM
lies next to him on top of the sheets.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank, captivated by the Pilot's demeanor, decides to become an airline pilot. He acquires a PAN AM uniform and relishes the attention he receives, even encountering a flirtatious bank teller. Returning to the Mayfair Hotel, he books a room, orders room service, and retires with the Pilot's uniform on display, symbolizing his newfound career aspiration.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling characters
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written with a mix of tension, emotion, and deception, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Frank impersonating an airline pilot adds intrigue and sets up a complex web of deception.

Plot: 8

The plot unfolds smoothly, revealing Frank's elaborate scheme and the consequences of his actions.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of pursuing one's dreams and overcoming obstacles in a glamorous setting.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are compelling, especially Frank, showcasing his cunning and desperation.

Character Changes: 8

Frank undergoes a significant transformation as he adopts the persona of an airline pilot, showcasing his adaptability and resourcefulness.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to pursue his dream of becoming an airline pilot and to feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment in his new uniform.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to obtain a new uniform for his job as a co-pilot and to prepare for his upcoming flight to Paris.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Frank's deception and the consequences he faces creates a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with some challenges and conflicts that add depth to the protagonist's journey.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Frank's deception puts him in dangerous territory, leading to a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by revealing Frank's escalating deception and the potential consequences he faces.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the protagonist's actions and outcomes, but it still maintains interest through its emotional depth.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's desire to pursue his dream of becoming an airline pilot despite the challenges and criticisms he may face from others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially as Frank's deception unravels and the stakes rise.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and helps to build tension and reveal character motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it showcases the protagonist's determination and growth as he pursues his dream of becoming an airline pilot.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense as the protagonist navigates through various obstacles and interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure that effectively advances the plot and character development.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction. It jumps from Frank following the Pilot into the hotel to him making a phone call about a uniform, then running down a street with a big smile on his face. The transitions between these actions are abrupt and disjointed.
  • There is a lack of depth in the character interactions. Frank's interactions with the Bellman, the Purchasing Supervisor, and Mister Ross feel superficial and do not add much to the scene or the character development.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, especially in the phone conversation with the Pan Am operator and the Purchasing Supervisor. The conversations lack authenticity and fail to engage the audience.
  • The visual descriptions are limited and do not create a vivid picture of the scene. There is a missed opportunity to use visual cues to enhance the storytelling and immerse the audience in Frank's world.
  • The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to connect with the audience on a deeper level. There is a lack of tension, conflict, or emotional resonance that would make the scene more engaging and impactful.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a clear and cohesive narrative arc for the scene. Define the purpose of each action and transition to create a more coherent storyline.
  • Deepen the character interactions to add complexity and depth to the scene. Explore the relationships between Frank and the other characters to create more engaging dynamics.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic. Ensure that the conversations feel realistic and contribute to the development of the characters and the plot.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the scene. Use visual cues to set the tone, create atmosphere, and engage the audience in Frank's journey.
  • Inject more emotion and depth into the scene to connect with the audience on a deeper level. Explore themes of conflict, tension, and emotional resonance to make the scene more compelling and impactful.



Scene 13 -  Frank Sr. Confronted by Police
52 EXT. - ABAGNALE STATIONERS. - NEW ROCHELLE. - DAY 52

Frank Sr. gets off the bus in front of his store. He is
wearing his black suit and holding a briefcase as he starts

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




35.

52 CONTINUED: 52
to unlock the front door to the store. TWO POLICE DETECTIVES
walk up behind him.

DETECTIVE #1
Frank Abagnale?
Frank turns around, stares at the TWO COPS as they show him
their BADGES.

FRANK
What is this? The IRS said no charges
would filed.

DETECTIVE #2
Sir, we'd like to talk to you about
a checking account at Chase Manhattan
bank. The account is four thousand
dollars overdrawn, and checks are
bouncing every day.

DETECTIVE #1
The account is in your son's name,
and he was re ted as a runaway in

H MARC

DETECTI
Do you know where you
Abagnale?

FRANK SR.
You guys are looking for the wrong
person.

DETECTIVE #2
And how do you know that? Has Frank
been in contact with you?

FRANK SR.
if I tell you where he is, will you
promise not to tell his mother?
The two Detectives nod.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
(lowering his voice)
Frank made up a fake I.D and enlisted
in the Marine Corps -- he's over in

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




36.

52 CONTINUED: (2) 52
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
Vietnam right now. Somebody must
have stolen his bank book, because
he's half way around the world
crawling through the jungle and
fighting the fucking communists. So
don't come to my place of business
and call my boy a criminal, because
that kid has more guts than either
of you will ever know.

DETECTIVE #1
I'm sorry, Sir. We didn't know.

FRANK SR.
It's okay. Nobody knows.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Family"]

Summary Frank Sr. is questioned by police detectives about his son's overdrawn checking account. Initially denying knowledge of his son's whereabouts, Frank Sr. later reveals that his son has enlisted in the Marine Corps and is fighting in Vietnam. The detectives apologize for their mistake and leave, leaving Frank Sr. alone outside his store.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Family loyalty theme
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally charged and tense, with a powerful display of familial love and protection. The dialogue is impactful and the conflict is palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family loyalty and sacrifice is central to the scene, driving the actions and dialogue of the characters.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the detectives confront Frank Sr. about his son's actions, leading to a revelation about Frank Jr.'s whereabouts and the family's struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation where the protagonist defends his son's actions by revealing his military service, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Frank Sr. portrayed as a protective and defiant father, and the detectives as authoritative figures. The emotional depth of the characters adds to the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 7

Frank Sr. undergoes a transformation from confusion to fierce defense of his son, showcasing his unwavering loyalty.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his son and defend his son's actions, showcasing his loyalty and love for his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince the detectives that his son is not a criminal and is actually serving in the military in Vietnam.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Frank Sr. and the detectives, as well as the internal conflict within the family, creates tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the detectives challenge the protagonist's beliefs and force him to defend his son.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the detectives confront Frank Sr. about his son's actions, potentially leading to legal consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new information about Frank Jr.'s whereabouts and the family's struggles.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of the confrontation between the protagonist and the detectives is uncertain.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in his son's bravery and the detectives' suspicion of criminal activity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is high, evoking feelings of loyalty, protection, and defiance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and emotional, revealing the complex dynamics between the characters and driving the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional conflict and high stakes involved in the protagonist's defense of his son.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear action lines and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dramatic confrontation between the protagonist and the detectives, building tension and emotional stakes.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the serious nature of the situation being discussed.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural, especially the abrupt shift from the detectives accusing Frank Sr. to him revealing Frank Jr.'s whereabouts.
  • The emotional impact of Frank Jr. being in Vietnam and the gravity of the situation could be better conveyed through more nuanced dialogue and character interactions.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and the emotions of the characters.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels a bit disjointed and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue to make the emotions and stakes of the situation more palpable.
  • Work on creating a more seamless transition from the previous scene to this one to maintain continuity.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and engaging setting for the scene.
  • Focus on building up the tension and urgency of the situation to keep the audience engaged and invested in the characters.
  • Consider refining the character interactions to make them more authentic and impactful, especially when revealing important plot points.



Scene 14 -  Frank's Forgery Scheme
53 INT. - PLAZA HOTEL. - NEW YORK. - DAY 53

Frank walks up to the front desk of the PLAZA HOTEL.
FRANK
Do you rent twriters?

F ESK CLERK
Of course, M ms. Would you
like electric m ual?

FRONT DESK K
You should try it. I'll send our

I
typist up to give you a lesson.

54 INT. - PLAZA HOTEL SUITE. - NIGHT 54


CLOSE ON

A BLANK COUNTER CHECK
The ELECTRIC STRIKING BALL of the typewriter is going over
the same words again and again, making them appear PRINTED.
The top of the phony check reads:

PAN AMERICAN WORLD AIRWAYS EMPLOYEE NUMBER 15415

PAY TO THE ORDER OF FRANK WILLIAMS $513.12
Debbie Zane - 5




37.

55 INT. - PLAZA HOTEL BATHROOM. - DAY 55

Frank kneels over the bathtub, looking down at a PLASTIC 707
MODEL AIRPLANE. The small plane is soaking in the tub,
floating up-side-down in a pool of bubbles.

CLOSE ON

THE WING OF THE MODEL PLANE_
The PAN AM LOGO is on the wing. WE WATCH as a TWEEZER lifts
the corner of the logo right off the plastic, carefully
slipping it off the wing so that the words PAN AMERICAN
WORLD
AIRWAYS hang in mid-air.

ON FRANK
meticulously placing the LOGO on top of the check he has
just made. The words stick to the paper, and he quickly
takes
the check and places it in the middle of a hotel BIBLE. He
sticks the bible under his bed, the way a kid breaks in a
new baseball glove.

56 INT. - CHASE MA.NHATTAW/BANK _ - DAY 56

Frank is still in uniform " s 0 walks past two MALE TELLERS
and deliberately approac YOUNG FEMALE TELLER-

CN

FRANK
I was wondering if ?bk `�ptad cash
this payroll check f
Frank takesthecheck out ofa phony PAN AM ENVELOPEand

M ;
hands it totheTELLER.ThePAN AM LOGO on the check is
crooked andoffcenter,thetype blurred and almostillegible.

FRANK (CONT'D)
You have beautiful eyes.
The TELLER smiles at Frank, barely glances at the check as
she opens her CASH DRAWER.

TELLER
How would you like it?

57 INT. - NEW YORK HOBBY SHOP. - DAY 57

A small HOBBY SHOP in Times Square. Frank sets FIFTEEN BOXES
of PAN AM MODEL AIRPLANES on the counter.

HOBBY SHOP OWNER
That's a lot of planes.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -
38.

57 CONTINUED: 57

FRANK
I give them away at Christmas to
needy children.

58 INT. - PLAZA HOTEL SUITE. - NIGHT 58


CLOSE ON

A HOTEL BATHTUB FILLED WITH MODEL AIRPLANES THAT ARE SOAKING

IN WARM WATER.
Frank sits at a desk, pulls a CHECK from the carriage of an
electric typewriter. The check is perfectly centered, the
Pan Am logo straight, the lines and words looking thick and
heavy -- as if they were printed.
Frank takes the check and sets it on the hotel bed, where
FIVE HUNDRED FRESHLY MADE CHECKS are sitting in neatly
stacked
piles.

59 INT. -PLAZA HOTEL. - MORNING 59

Frank walks downstairs his uniform, CHECK IN HAND. The
HOTEL MANAGER rushes a to greet him.

E'.
What can I do ou, Mr. Williams.

FRANK
I'm headed out to S morning
and I need a little s money.

MANAGER

0
I'm sorry, Sir, we won't have any
cash until the banks open in a hour.
But I'm sure they can cash your check
at the airport.

FRANK
The airport? They cash checks at
the airport?

60 INT. - LA GUARDIA AIRPORT. - MORNING. 60
Frank wears his pilot's uniform as he walks through the
crowded airport holding a thick wad of cash. As he stuffs
the money into his pockets, he walks toward a sign that
reads:

AIRLINE PERSONNEL ONLY.
Debbie Zane - 5




39.

61 INT. - PERSONNEL AREA. - LA GUARDIA. - DAY 61

A giant warehouse filled with PILOTS, CO-PILOTS, FLIGHT
ATTENDANTS, and BAGGAGE HANDLERS. There is a CAFETERIA,
NEWSSTAND, AIRLINE SHOP, and SHOE SHINE BOOTH.
Frank sits down in one of the SHOE SHINE CHAIRS, two TWA
PILOTS next to him. He stares at their I.D. BADGES, which
are laminated pictures clipped to the front of their
jackets.

FRANK
Morning.
The TWO PILOTS turn and look at Frank.

TWA PILOT
Morning. You mind if I ask you a
question?

FRANK
Sure.

PILOT
I see you hfe"d11 the time, and I
was wonderi g Pan Am is doing
out here at L ah_ubia? Pan Am doesn't
fly into La Gu
Frank stares at the Pilot, hag==(,d/,idea what to say.

TWA PILOT
You working charters?

FRANK
Yeah. Charters. I'm headed out to
Kennedy in a few minutes.
TWA PILOT
I figured as much. What kind of
equipment you on?
Frank thinks for a long BEAT, has no idea what to say.

FRANK
General Electric.

TWA PILOT #2
General Electric? What the hell do
you fly, washing machines?
Debbie Zane -




40.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Frank forges a check at the Plaza Hotel, buys model airplanes with the proceeds, and disguises himself as a pilot to cash the forged checks at La Guardia Airport.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • Complex protagonist
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and showcases the protagonist's cunning and resourcefulness, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forgery and impersonation is central to the scene, driving the plot forward and highlighting the protagonist's skills.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and filled with tension as Frank navigates through his schemes, leading to a dramatic climax.

Originality: 9

The scene features a fresh approach to the con artist genre by focusing on the protagonist's emotional journey and moral dilemmas. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with Frank standing out as a complex and cunning protagonist.

Character Changes: 6

Frank's character undergoes subtle changes as he navigates through his schemes, showcasing his adaptability and resourcefulness.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his facade as a successful pilot and con artist, while also grappling with feelings of guilt and loneliness.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully cash a forged check and maintain his deception as a pilot.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Frank's actions and the potential consequences creates a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict for the protagonist, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing his goals and motivations.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involved in Frank's schemes add tension and urgency to the scene, keeping the audience on edge.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by showcasing Frank's actions and the escalating risks he takes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's actions and interactions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's moral ambiguity and the consequences of his actions. It challenges his beliefs about identity and success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes feelings of tension and suspense, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and helps to convey the tension and deception present in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines suspenseful moments with emotional depth and character development, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and introspective moments that maintain the audience's interest and drive the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose. It jumps from Frank forging a check to soaking model airplanes in a bathtub without a clear connection or progression.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially in the interactions between Frank and the bank teller, as well as the hotel manager.
  • The visual descriptions are lacking in detail and fail to create a vivid picture of the scene for the reader.
  • The transitions between different locations and actions are abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the flow of the scene.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in the scene, leaving the audience disconnected from the characters and their motivations.
Suggestions
  • Focus on a central conflict or goal for Frank in the scene to drive the narrative forward.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and engaging setting for the scene.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different actions and locations to improve the coherence of the scene.
  • Add emotional depth and character development to make the audience more invested in the story and the characters.



Scene 15 -  Frank's Aviation Adventure
62 EXT. - LA GUARDIA. - DAY 62

Frank is running out of the airport.

FRANK (V.O.)
Dear Dad. I have been accepted to
Pan Am's flight school, and will be
starting my training immediately. I
am sending you a picture of me in my
uniform, so that you can show it to
mom, and let her know that I am a
pilot for the greatest airline in
the world.

63 EXT. - PAN AM BUILDING. - DAY 63

Frank enters building.

64 INT. - PAN AM BUILDING - RECEPTION AREA - DAY 64

The massive CORPORATE OFFICES of PAN AM, which look out over
the Manhattan. Frank, dressed like a student and wearing a
backpack, gets out of televator and walks up to a

RECEPTIONIST.
I'm Frank Black'cr#4m Monroe High
School. I have a opdIntment with
Mister Mulligan.
RECEPTION
Go on in, Frank. He' s w i4 ng for
you.
Frank hesitates as he walks toward a door marked, PAUL

MULLIGAN, DIRECTOR OF AIRLINE SECURITY.

65 INT. - MULLIGAN'S OFFICE. - DAY 65

PAUL MULLIGAN, 70's, a small, rock of a man, stands behind a

WALL OF PICTURES, MILITARY MEDALS, PAN AM ACHIEVEMENT
AWARDS,
and EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR CERTIFICATES that are neatly
displayed on the wall behind him.

MULLIGAN
Frank, I'm Paul Mulligan, head of
security for Pan American World
Airways. I understand you're writing
a report about Pan Am, and you'd
like to speak to a real live pilot.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




41.

65 CONTINUED: 65

FRANK
Yes, Sir.

MULLIGAN
Well you're in luck, son. Because I
was one of the best.

66 INT. - PAN AM BUILDING. - DAY 66

Frank is following Paul Mulligan through a large GALLERY
which shows the history of PAN AM in black and white
pictures
and detailed PLASTIC MODELS.
FRANK
What does it mean when one pilot
says to another pilot, "what kind of
equipment are you on?"

MULLIGAN
He's asking what kind of plane they're
flying. DC-10, 707, 727.
What about a D. badges I've seen
pilots wear. e

MU G
A pilot is requi of
things with him at
airline personnel b e
similar to this Pan AA
wearing, and his FAA li
Mulligan pulls an old FAA LICENSE out of his wallet.

FRANK
Do you think I could make a copy of
this license to put in my report?

MULLIGAN
You can have it, Frank. It expired
five years ago.

FRANK
What about your I.D. badge? Do you
have an extra one I could borrow?

MULLIGAN
I'm afraid I can't help you there.
These badges are special ordered
from Polaroid. The only way to get

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -!




42.
66 CONTINUED: 66

MULLIGAN (CONT'D)
one is to become a real live pilot
for Pan Am.

67 INT. - POLAROID CORPORATE OFFICES. - NEW YORK. - DAY 67

A LARGE OFFICE IN NEW YORK CITY. A POLAROID SALESMAN has
opened a SAMPLE BOOK and is showing off page after page of

LAMINATED I.D. BADGES.
FRANK wears a suit and tie as he sits across from the
salesman
examining the book.

FRANK
Caribbean Air will be expanding our
routes next year to include most of
the East coast. I'm thinking we'll
need several thousand badges.

POLAROID SALESMAN
As you can see, we make the I.D.
badges for almost every major airline.

POLAROI
That's Pan Am. Would o' Qke the
brochure on that one?

FRANK
My boss wanted me to bring back an
actual I.D. badge, not a brochure.

POLAROID SALESMAN
That's no problem, Mister Anderson.
We make all the badges right here
with this equipment.
The Salesman motions to a large CAMERA AND LAMINATOR.
POLAROID SALESMAN (cont'd)
I can make you one in a few seconds.

FRANK
I have an idea. Why don't you use me
as the subject.
Debbie Zane - 5
43.
l f 68 INT - KENNEDY AIRPORT. - DAY 68
Frank is walking through KENNEDY AIRPORT, his authentic PAN
AM I.D. BADGE secured to the front of his uniform. He walks
up to an EASTERN AIRLINES ticket counter and smiles at the

TICKET AGENT.

FRANK
Hello. I'm a Pan Am co-pilot and I'd
like to fly on your two-thirty to
Miami.

EASTERN TICKET AGENT
You want to dead-head to Miami?

FRANK
Yes. Dead-head.
Frank hands the AGENT his I.D. BADGE and Mulligan's FAA
license, which has been cropped at the top where Mulligan's
name used to be. She barely glances at either-

ERN TICKET AGENT
You' re in lyk""Sir. The jump seat
is open.
The Ticket Agent starts to la ,��Y}c�i Frank laughs
with her.

69 INT_ - EASTERN 707. - DAY 69
MARCI, a cute 27-year-old EASTERN STEWARDESS with short
blonde
hair and glasses, stands at the front of the plane smiling
at Frank -- who holds out his pink boarding slip.

MARCI
Are you my dead-head?

70 INT. - COCKPIT. - 707. - DAY 70

Frank is led into the cockpit by Marci, trying not to react
to the intensity of the tiny space. He immediately looks
around for the jump-seat -- or any seat -- but sees nothing.

MARCI
Frank, this is Captain Oliver. That's
John Paxton, the Co-Pilot, this is
Ron Vega, flight engineer.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -!




44.

70 CONTINUED: 70

FRANK
Frank Williams, Pan Am. Thanks for
giving me a lift.

CAPTAIN OLIVER
Go ahead and take a seat, Frank,
we're about to push.
Frank continues to search for the JUMP SEAT, the panic
starting to show on his face as Marci reaches her hand
around
to the back of the cockpit door and pulls down the small

METAL SEAT_

MARCI
There you go. Would you like a drink
after take-off?
Frank quickly sits in the jump-seat, his hands shaking as he
tries to strap himself in.

FRANK
A glass of milk, please.

71 EXT. - KENNEDY AIRPORT'RMWAY. - DAY. 71


72 INT. - EASTERN COCKPIT. - 72

CLOSE ON FRANK -- inside the -- his hands gripping
the sides of the JUMP-SEAT, his nd face clenched into
a silent scream as the plane lift f, banking left as it
shoots out over Manhattan.
Frank is staring out the cockpit window in disbelief, the
way all kids do the first time they ride in a plane.

73 INT. - EASTERN 707. - LATER IN FLIGHT 73

Frank walks through the COCKPIT DOOR, sees Marci preparing
drinks at the beverage station.

MARCI
Hello, dead-head. Enjoying your free
ride?

FRANK
Marci, did you drop this?
Frank takes a SMALL GOLD NECKLACE out of his jacket pocket.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




45.

73 CONTINUED: 73

7 FRANK (CONT'D)
Must have slipped right off your
neck.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank's dream of becoming a pilot takes flight as he navigates various encounters and uses unconventional methods to secure an authentic Pan Am I.D. badge. His excitement reaches new heights when he deadheads on an Eastern Airlines flight, experiencing the thrill of sitting in the jump seat in the cockpit. Along the way, he meets Marci, a friendly stewardess, and embraces the wonder of the journey.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • High stakes
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly forced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a mix of suspense, emotion, and tension, making it a compelling watch.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Frank impersonating a pilot is unique and drives the plot forward with high stakes.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, focusing on Frank's risky actions and the consequences he faces.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the aviation industry of the 1960s, focusing on the intricacies of pilot training and the exclusivity of being a Pan Am pilot. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Frank, are intriguing and drive the story with their actions and decisions.

Character Changes: 7

Frank undergoes a significant change by taking on the persona of a pilot, showcasing his adaptability and resourcefulness.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to prove himself as a capable and knowledgeable individual in the aviation industry, seeking validation and recognition for his passion for flying.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to gain access to the Pan Am building and learn more about the aviation industry, specifically about the requirements and equipment needed to become a pilot.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Frank's deception and the potential consequences creates tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to present obstacles for Frank, creating conflict and tension that drive the plot forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Frank risks exposure and legal consequences by impersonating a pilot.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by showcasing Frank's daring actions and the potential consequences he faces.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in Frank's attempts to gain access to the Pan Am building and the challenges he encounters along the way.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of authenticity and the lengths one is willing to go to achieve their dreams. Frank's desire to obtain a pilot's badge and license challenges the ethical boundaries of impersonation and deceit.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of Frank's risky behavior and the stakes involved resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' motivations and conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, humor, and character development, keeping the audience invested in Frank's journey and the challenges he faces.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in Frank's quest to achieve his goals.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven narrative, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that drive the plot forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering Frank's actions of forging checks and impersonating a pilot. The stakes should be higher to create a more engaging and suspenseful narrative.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural, especially in the interaction between Frank and the Polaroid Salesman. It could be more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities.
  • The transition between different locations and interactions feels disjointed and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Frank's emotions and motivations as he embarks on this new journey as a pilot. More internal conflict and character development could enhance the scene.
  • The visual descriptions could be more vivid and detailed to create a stronger sense of setting and atmosphere, especially in the airport and cockpit scenes.
Suggestions
  • Introduce more obstacles and challenges for Frank to overcome in his pursuit of becoming a pilot, adding layers of complexity to the scene.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Work on smoother transitions between locations and interactions to maintain the coherence of the scene.
  • Explore Frank's internal struggles and emotions as he takes on this new identity, adding depth to his character and the narrative.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and engaging reading experience, especially in key settings like the airport and cockpit.



Scene 16 -  Frank's Encounter and Banking in Dallas
74 INT. - FRANK'S HOTEL ROOM. - MIAMI. - NIGHT 74

Frank is lying on top of Marci -- losing his virginity --
not moving -- just staring down at her with a bizarre look
on his face. The lights are low, the radio is on.

FRANK
Are all hostesses as nice as you?

MA.RCI
Stewardess. You know we like to be
called stewardess now. Why are you
stopping?

FRANK
I want to tell you something, Marci.
This is by far the best date I've
ever been on.

75 INT. - AIRPORT. - DAY 75

Frank walks toward a COUNTER with a big smile on
his face.
U O

FRANK
Is the jump-seat op no '1 j. ur four
o'clock to Dallas?

76 INT. - DALLAS BANK. - DAY 76


0
Frank is wearing his pilot's uniform as he walks up to LUCY,
the pretty ASSISTANT MANAGER of a small Dallas bank.

LUCY
Welcome to Dallas National Bank, how
may I help you?

FRANK
What's your name, Ma'am?

LUCY
Lucy Rogers. I'm the Assistant
Manager.

FRANK
Lucy, my name is Frank Williams, and
I'm a co-pilot for Pan Am. I'd like

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




46-

76 CONTINUED: 76

FRANK (CONT'D)
to cash this check and then take you
to dinner.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Crime"]

Summary Frank shares an intimate moment with Marci, expressing his appreciation. He then inquires about a flight to Dallas, where he meets Lucy at a bank and professionally asks her out to dinner.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Romantic subplot
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends romance, deception, and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young con artist posing as a pilot to carry out his schemes adds depth and intrigue to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Frank continues his deception, setting up potential conflicts and consequences for his actions.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces unique situations through the characters' interactions and explores themes of connection and vulnerability.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Frank's complex character is further developed as he navigates the challenges of his con artist lifestyle and romantic entanglements.

Character Changes: 6

While Frank's character undergoes some development in terms of his romantic encounters and deceptive actions, the changes are not significant in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal in this scene is to express his feelings to Marci and have a meaningful connection with her.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to cash a check and take Lucy to dinner.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict is high as Frank risks exposure while engaging in his deceptive activities.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in the scene is minimal, with no significant obstacles or challenges for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Frank risks exposure and legal consequences for his fraudulent activities.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Frank's continued deception and the risks he faces in his con artist lifestyle.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in its progression, with expected character interactions and outcomes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between traditional gender roles and changing societal norms, as seen in the conversation about stewardesses.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The romantic and suspenseful elements of the scene evoke a range of emotions from the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and deception in the scene, especially in Frank's interactions with Marci and Lucy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the emotional depth of the characters and the development of their relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings and character interactions, enhancing the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The transition from Frank losing his virginity to asking Marci about hostesses/stewardesses feels abrupt and disconnected.
  • The dialogue between Frank and Marci lacks depth and emotional connection, making the moment feel superficial.
  • The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to capture the significance of Frank losing his virginity.
  • The transition from the intimate moment in the hotel room to Frank inquiring about a flight to Dallas feels disjointed and lacks smooth continuity.
  • The interaction between Frank and Lucy at the Dallas bank feels rushed and lacks authenticity.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth and intimacy to the scene between Frank and Marci to make the moment more impactful.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between scenes to maintain continuity and flow in the storytelling.
  • Develop the dialogue between Frank and Lucy to make their interaction more engaging and realistic.
  • Explore ways to enhance the emotional resonance of the scene to create a more meaningful and memorable moment for the characters and audience.
  • Consider revising the pacing of the scene to allow for more natural and authentic interactions between the characters.



Scene 17 -  Intertwined Stories: Love, Duty, and Deception
77 INT. - DALLAS HOTEL ROOM. - NIGHT 77
Frank is dancing with LUCY, who is laughing uncontrollably
as he twirls her around the room.

LUCY
Okay, enough! I'm gonna be sick. I
have to get home and get some sleep.

FRANK
It's only midnight.

LUCY
One of my tellers got married last
night, and I'm gonna be short handed
all week.

FRANK
What if I cane nd helped you out
down at the

L
Now why would ffaij Am Pilot want to
work in my stupi
Frank twirls Lucy, dipping he3JAn,; Y middle of the room.

FRANK
To be close to you.

78 INT. - DALLAS NATIONAL BANK. - DAY 78

Frank is standing with Lucy behind the counter of the bank,
watching as she feeds a stack of CHECKS into a MICKER
ENCODING

MACHINE.

LUCY
We feed the checks through the micker
machine, and the magic eye reads the
micker ink and then sorts the checks
by numbers.

FRANK
What numbers?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5
47.

78 CONTINUED: 78

LUCY
See the numbers on the bottom of the`
checks. Those are called routing
numbers.

FRANK
Where do the checks get routed to?

LUCY
Well, I'm not exactly sure.
Nobody ever asked before.

79 INT. - NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY. - DAY 79

Frank wears his pilots uniform as he sits across from a
group
of HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS who are writing term papers. As the
students talk and laugh at their desks, Frank leans over to
them.

FRANK
would you keep it down, please?
The students immediatel uiet down as Frank turns a page in
his book -- THE HISTO BANKING IN AMERICA. He is reading
a chapter called - - T E, NKS OF THE U.S. FEDERAL RESERVE

80 INT. - NEW JERSEY AUCTIO 80


A SIGN READS: FORECLOSURE AU

BANS
WE SEE rows of desks, chairs, cou and cash drawers --
everything you could possibly find at a bank. The
AUCTIONEER
stands in front of a room filled with BANKERS and
BUSINESSMEN
in dark suits.

AUCTIONEER
Our next item up for bid is also
fromtheJersey National foreclosure.
Thisisa micker encoder, a machine
usedtoencode bank checks. Do I
haveanopening bid?
In the audience, Frank, dressed in a suit, smiles as he
raises
his paddle.

FRANK
Five dollars.
Debbie Zane - 5




48.

81 EXT. - VILLAGE INN BAR. - EASTCHESTER, NEW JERSEY. - DAY
81

The parking lot is packed with cars. A light snow is falling
as FRANK SR. walks out of the bar and buttons his jacket.

FRANK
Happy birthday, Dad.
Frank turns to face his son, who is standing in front of a
RED CADILLAC that still has the sticker in the window. The
two men stare at each other for a long BEAT, and then
embrace
in the middle of the lot.

FRANK SR.
Jesus, look at you? My son the
birdman. That is some uniform, Frank.

FRANK
I bought you a Cadillac.
Frank motions to the car, holds up the keys.
K (cont' d)
ission. She goes
s an hour. It
btj speedometer.
Frank Sr.

FRANK S
She's beautiful. Only\� @�nna get
myself another white on r already
ordered it. You keep that one, Frank,

I
maybe one day we'll race to Atlantic
City.

FRANK
I went by the store today. Since
when do you close on a Friday?

FRANK SR.
I had to close the store for awhile.
It's all about timing, Frank, the
goddamn government knows that. They
hit you when you're down, and I wasn't
gonna let them take it from me. So I
just shut the doors myself, called
their bluff.

FRANK
I can get you money, whatever you
need. We can buy ten stores.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




49.

81 CONTINUED: 81

FRANK SR.
No. It's better this way. I'm laying'
low for awhile, letting them have
their fun. It's just a stationery
store -- sooner or later they'll
forget about me.

FRANK
Have you talked to Mom?

FRANK SR.
She's so stubborn, your mother. But
I won't let her go without a fight.
I've been fighting for her since the
day we met.

FRANK
Out of all those soldiers, you were
the one that took her home.

FRANK SR.
That's right. Two hundred men were
sitting in th' little social hall
watching he d ce. What was the
name of tha d I/ ..il lage?
Montpelier.

FRANK S
I didn't speak a word
six weeks later she was
A WOMAN PULLS UP IN AN OLD FORD AND HONKS FOR FRANK SR.. She
smiles and waves at him through the window, and he waves
back.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
Shit. I have to go, Frank.

FRANK
I was hoping I could buy you a steak.

FRANK SR.
Jesus, tonight is no good. That's my
friend, Darlene. She's cooking me
dinner for my birthday. She used to
be the pastry chef at Elaines. Why
don't you come home with us?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




50.

81 CONTINUED: (2) 81

FRANK
No, I should probably get out to the
airport. I'm flying the red eye
tonight.

FRANK SR.
Where are you going?

FRANK
Dad, I'm serious about what I said.
I can get you money --whatever you
need.

FRANK SR.
Just tell me where you're going.
I bet it's someplace warm.

FRANK
Yeah. Hawaii.

FRANK SR.
Hawaii. My son is going to Hawaii
tonight. The x t of us really are
suckers.

82 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - WASHIN , DAY 82


SUPER: FBI BUILDING, WASHINGTON

CLOSE ON
A SLIDE PROJECTOR -- the circular tray turning clockwise as
an AGENT JOE SHAYE stands at the front of the room
addressing

FIVE FBI AGENTS.

JOE SHAYE
John Doe 2172 is a paperhanger who
started on the East Coast. During
the last few weeks 2172 has developed
a new form of check fraud, which I'm
calling "the float". Next slide.
The slide doesn't change.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
Next slide, please.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




51.

82 CONTINUED: 82
FBI AGENT
The remote thing is broken.
You'll have to do it by hand.
Joe reaches in and turns the slide.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
What he's doing is opening checking
accounts all over the country, then
changing the micker ink routing
numbers on the bottom of those checks.

CLOSE ON
THE FACES OF THE FIVE FBI AGENTS, looking bored as they all
listen to Joe, having no idea what he's talking about. Some
of the agents are yawning, while other are doodling at their
desks.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
This is a map of the 12 branches of
the U.S. Federal Reserve. The optical
scanners at t bank read the numbers
on the bott a check -- then
ship the ch c}���f,? to the

CORRESPONDING

SPEC___
Joe, for those of
with bank fraud, wo
telling us what the h
talking about?

III

JOE SHAYE
The East Coast branches are numbered
seven through twelve, the midwest
four, five, and six...

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
You mean to say that those numbers
on the bottom of a check actually
mean something?

JOE SHAYE
Yes. And if you change a number one
to a number nine -- a check cashed
in New York won't be sent to the
East Coast Reserve -- but will be re-
routed all the way to California.
The bank won't know the check has
bounced for two weeks, which means
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




52.

82 CONTINUED: (2) 82
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
this guy can stay in one place --
rob the same banks over and over.
The AGENTS literally scratch their heads, trying to follow.

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
And this is why you called for an
emergency briefing? Because of a
couple of bounced checks?
Laughter from the other Agents as Joe tries to smile.

JOE SHAYE
Sean, I was hoping to get-some back-
up on this.

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
You want my wife to help you? She's
the one who balances the checkbook
at home?
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Frank and Lucy grow closer through dance, while Frank's investigation into a check fraud scheme leads him to reconnect with his estranged father, Frank Sr. Despite the emotional reunion, Frank Sr. remains headstrong and refuses financial assistance. Joe Shaye struggles to convey the gravity of the check fraud scheme to uninterested FBI agents.
Strengths
  • Detailed explanation of check fraud scheme
  • Engaging plot development
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, engaging, and provides crucial information about the plot and characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of check fraud and the paperhanger's scheme is intriguing and adds a layer of complexity to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the FBI investigation and the revelation of the criminal activities.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre by focusing on check fraud and family dynamics. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed, especially Joe Shaye, who is determined to uncover the truth behind the paperhanger's scheme.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character development or change in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to help his father financially and emotionally. This reflects his desire to support his family and maintain a sense of connection and loyalty.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the world of check fraud and stay one step ahead of the FBI. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his criminal activities while avoiding detection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a conflict between the FBI agents' lack of understanding and Joe Shaye's urgency to solve the case.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from both external forces like the FBI and internal conflicts with his family.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes involve the potential financial losses due to the paperhanger's fraudulent activities.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the FBI investigation and the paperhanger's scheme.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's actions and the shifting dynamics between characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's criminal actions and his desire to help his family. This challenges his values and morals, as he must balance his illegal activities with his sense of loyalty and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene is more focused on providing information rather than evoking strong emotions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is informative and helps to explain the complex concept of check fraud to the audience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of emotional moments, suspenseful elements, and character dynamics. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with suspenseful elements, keeping the audience engaged and invested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The transition from the hotel room dancing scene to the bank scene feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow between the two settings.
  • The dialogue between Frank and Lucy in the hotel room lacks depth and emotional connection, making their interaction feel superficial.
  • The scene at the bank with Lucy explaining the micker encoding machine and routing numbers feels overly technical and may lose the audience's interest.
  • The visual descriptions in the scene are limited, missing opportunities to create a more vivid and engaging visual experience for the audience.
  • The dialogue in the FBI office scene is overly technical and may be difficult for the audience to follow, leading to a lack of engagement.
  • The lack of character development and emotional depth in the scene hinders the audience's ability to connect with the characters and their motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the hotel room dancing scene and the bank scene to improve the overall flow of the narrative.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Frank and Lucy in the hotel room to add depth and emotional resonance to their interaction.
  • Simplify the technical explanations in the bank scene to make them more accessible and engaging for the audience.
  • Include more detailed visual descriptions to create a more immersive and visually appealing experience for the audience.
  • Revise the dialogue in the FBI office scene to make it more accessible and engaging, focusing on character interactions and emotional depth.
  • Develop the characters further to allow the audience to connect with their motivations and actions, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.



Scene 18 -  The Motel Check-In
83 INT. - RENTAL CAR. - LO GELES. - DAY 83


SUPER: HOLLYWOOD, CAL FOR - JULY, 1964

FBI AGENTS AMDURSKY AND
Hollywood. Fox sits in the

AMDURSÏ¿½
.I'm wearing a red nd high
heels, running through park and
chasing these two Puerto Rican's
with a suitcase filled with marijuana
and I reach for my radio to call for
back-up, but the radio is stuck in
my bra...
Joe turns up the volume on the radio, keeps his eyes on the
road as he drives.

AMDURSKY (CONT'D)
That's a funny story. People always
laugh at that story.

JOE SHAYE
Let me ask you something, Amdursky.
if you had so much fun working
undercover, why did you transfer
into bank fraud?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




53.

83 CONTINUED: 83

AGENT AMDURSKY
I didn't transfer. I was demoted.
(off Joe's look)
Demoted is the wrong word. It was
more like-punished. I screwed up
in the field.

JOE SHAYE
What about you, Mr. Fox? Did you
fuck up in the field and get punished?

FOX
No. I've never worked in the field
before. I was in the L.A. public
relations office, but we were shut
down after the riots.

JOE SHAYE
That's just great. I ask for backup,
they drag the bottom of the Pacific.

AMDURSKY
Can I ask you mething, Joe? How
come you're o erious all the time?
JOE SHAYE
Does it bother you, Mr. Fox?

0.

FOX
A little, I guess.

JOE SHAYE
Would you guys like to hear me tell
a joke?

AGENT AMDURSKY
Yeah. We'd love to hear a joke from
you.

JOE SHAYE
Knock Knock.

AGENT AMDURSKY
Who's there?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




54.

83 CONTINUED: (2) 83

JOE SHAYE
Go fuck yourselves.

84 INT. - TROPICANA MOTEL. - HOLLYWOOD. - DAY 84

The unmarked FBI SEDAN pulls up to TWO STORY MOTEL on the
SUNSET STRIP. Joe, Amdursky and Fox walk into the motel
office, all in black suits and sunglasses.

85 INT. - TROPICANA MOTEL.- LOS ANGELES. - DAY 85

Joe approaches the front desk of the motel, where the OWNER
stands in front of a fan.
MOTEL OWNER
He's been here two weeks, written
lots of checks. The one that bounced
was for twenty dollars, and he took
care of it right away.

JOE SHAYE
Nobody is goin to blame you. The
bank called u He's probably not
the man we' oking for.

ER
I don't want m-�Y u Comers harassed.
He took care of ' o '

JOE SHA
Do you have any of th 1 ( ys he's
written you?

MOTEL OWNER
He gave me one yesterday.
The owner takes a check out of the register, hands it to
Joe. Joe stares at the check for a BEAT, slowly starts to
smile.

JOE SHAYE
I don't believe it. You guys stay
here, watch the front.

AMDURSKY
Stay here? This guy's a check forger,
a goddamn paperhanger. He doesn't
even carry a gun.

FOX
Why can't we go with you, Joe?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




55.

85 CONTINUED: 85
JOE SHAYE
Just be quiet and watch the front.
And if you're good, I'll take you
both for ice cream when we're
finished.

86 EXT. - TROPICANA MOTEL. - LOS ANGELES. - DAY 86

Joe Shaye walks through the busy pool area of the motel,
passing a few FLIGHT ATTENDANTS who are sitting by the tiny
pool. Joe makes his way up the main stairwell.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Two FBI agents, Amdursky and Fox, meet Joe Shaye, a serious and focused FBI agent. They drive to the Tropicana Motel to question the owner about a suspect writing bad checks. Despite some initial tension, the agents obtain a check from the suspect, which intrigues Joe. He sends Amdursky and Fox to surveil the motel while he investigates further.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Humorous moments
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Moderate emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, engaging, and effectively combines humor with suspense. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience interested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an undercover operation to catch a check forger at a motel is intriguing and well-executed. It adds depth to the overall storyline and showcases the skills of the FBI agents.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the FBI agents trying to catch a check forger at a motel, adding tension and intrigue to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime investigation genre by incorporating humor and banter among law enforcement agents. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Joe Shaye, Agent Amdursky, and Fox, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene. Each character has a distinct personality that shines through in their dialogue.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in the scene, as the focus is more on the undercover operation and the interactions between the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a serious and professional demeanor despite the lighthearted banter from his colleagues. This reflects his need to be taken seriously and respected in his line of work.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate a potential suspect at the Tropicana Motel. He needs to gather information and make a decision on how to proceed with the case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene as the FBI agents try to catch the check forger, leading to tension and suspense.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is not strong, as the conflict is more internal and based on character dynamics rather than external obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as the FBI agents try to catch a check forger, leading to suspense and tension.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new plot point and adding depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and banter that arises in the midst of a serious investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's serious and professional demeanor and his colleagues' more lighthearted and casual approach to their work. This challenges the protagonist's values of professionalism and dedication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of humor and tension that engage the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters. It adds humor and tension to the scene, keeping the audience entertained.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters, the humor injected into serious situations, and the mystery surrounding the investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime investigation genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a humorous anecdote from Agent Amdursky, which seems out of place given the serious nature of their job and the context of the scene.
  • The dialogue between the agents lacks depth and substance, focusing more on banter and jokes rather than meaningful conversation about their work.
  • The transition from the car ride to the motel is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The interaction with the motel owner feels rushed and lacks tension or suspense, which is crucial for a scene involving a potential suspect.
  • The decision to leave Amdursky and Fox behind while Joe Shaye investigates further seems arbitrary and could be better justified within the context of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the opening dialogue to better align with the tone and purpose of the scene.
  • Add more depth to the conversation between the agents to provide insight into their characters and motivations.
  • Smooth out the transition between the car ride and the motel to improve the overall pacing of the scene.
  • Build up the suspense and tension during the interaction with the motel owner to create a more engaging and compelling moment.
  • Provide a clearer rationale for Joe Shaye's decision to investigate alone, adding more context to the dynamics between the characters.



Scene 19 -  Suspicious Encounter at the Tropicana Motel
87 INT. TROPICANA MOTEL - HALLWAY. - DAY 87

Joe walks through a fire door with his gun leading the way.

CLOSE ON

ROOM 212
at the end of the second floor hallway, the DO NOT DISTURB
SIGN hanging off the door. Joe slowly makes his way down the
hall, passing a MAID wh 's about to scream -- until he shows
her his badge and vio y motions for her to hide inside a
room.
Joe creeps along the walYh s gun straight out, his face
covered in sweat. He free Jow he hears a door creak,
his breathing labored as the s of ROOM 212 slowly swings
open and Frank walks into the ly u He wears a dark brown
suit and holds a black suitcase

JOE SHAYE

FI
Freeze! FBI! Don't you move! Put
your hands on your head or I'll shoot
you!
Frank slowly turns to face Joe. The two men stare at each
other for a BEAT_

FRANK
Relax, buddy, you're late. My name
is Johnson, Secret Service. Our boy
just tried to climb out the window --
my partner has him cuffed in the
alley downstairs.

JOE SHAYE
Secret Service? What are you talking
about? Keep your hands in the air.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -
56.

87 CONTINUED: 87

FRANK
You think the FBI are the only ones
tracking this guy. We've been
following a paper trail for months,
almost had him in New York. Would
you mind taking that gun out of my
face, it makes me nervous.

JOE SHAYE
Let me see some identification.

FRANK
Here. Take my whole wallet.
Frank throws his wallet to Joe, who catches it with his free
hand, but doesn't open it.

FRANK (CONT'D)
You want my gun, too? Come over here
and take my gun!
Frank opens his jacket, but not wide enough for Joe to see
that he's not armed.

F (CONT'D)
Are you gonna e that weapon?
We're supposed a on the same
team.
Joe hesitates, then slowly louW6Xs`J`3,. gun and holsters
it.

JOE SHAYE
I'm sorry. I got a little carried
away. I didn't expect Secret Service
on this.

FRANK
Counterfeiting is our thing.

JOE SHAYE
I know. I know. I just wasn't
expecting...

FRANK
Don't worry about it.
(showing him the briefcase)
This is his typewriter. I'm gonna go
lock it in my trunk. Do me a favor
and guard his room for a minute.
Frank starts moving toward the back stairwell.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




57.

87 CONTINUED: (2) 87

FRANK (CONT'D)
And yell down to my partner in the
alley -- tell him I'm on my way.
Frank starts to walk down back stairwell. He looks back at
Joe, who stands at the front of room 212.

FRANK (CONT'D)
What's your name, anyway?

JOE SHAYE
Joe Shaye.

FRANK
Tough luck, Joe. Five minutes earlier
and you would have landed yourself a
pretty good collar.
Frank starts walking down the stairs.

JOE SHAYE
Wait.
,�4back to Joe. Frank stops, slowly ty

(CONT' D)
Your wallet.

FRANK
Hang onto it for a pu`% , I trust
you.

88 EXT. - TROPICANA MOTEL. - LOS ANGELES. - DAY 88


0
Frank walks downstairs, opens the EMERGENCY EXIT that leads
to a back alley. He looks both ways, then starts to run
toward

HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.

89 EXT. - ROOM 212. - MINUTES LATER. 89

Joe Shaye is guarding the entrance of room 212. He's
standing
tall, almost at attention. After a BEAT he looks down at the
wallet in his hand, his mind starting to consider a single
horrible thought.

90 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - WASHINGTON. - DAY 90

Joe Shaye is sitting in the office of Special Agent Wilkes,
the office window facing out on the Washington Monument.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




58.

9 0 CONTINUED : 90

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
I've cleared Amdursky and Fox in
this John Doe thing.

JOE SHAYE
Thanks, Sean. It was my call all the
way.

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
Sometimes we all get a little lost
out there. No shame in being rusty.
You want to talk about it?
JOE SHAYE
Not really. I made a mistake.

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
Forget about it. There are hundreds
of John Doe's out there.

JOE SHAYE
Yeah, but I'm gonna get this one.
The worst thi a paperhanger can do
is show is I saw him, I heard
his voice -- r s nothing for him
to hide beiin (n�

SPECT-ALOA T WILKES
Just be careful, J u've got 12-
years in, nobody bo r u down on
the first floor. You ally
wrote the book on bank d, and
that's good enough to make you F-4 {
some day. There's no reason to put
yourself in this type of position.

JOE SHAYE
what position is that?

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
The position of being humiliated.
Joe stares at Wilkes, slowly stands and heads for the door.
He's about to leave when he turns and looks back at Wilkes.

JOE SHAYE
Hey, Sean, you want to hear a joke?

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
Sure.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




59-

90 CONTINUED: (2) 90
JOE SHAYE
Knock knock.

91 INT. - WALDORF ASTORIA HOTEL. - NEW YORK. - NIGHT 91

A ROOM SERVICE WAITER opens a metal lid on a serving tray,
revealing a huge steak and french fries.

FRANK
Do you have any ketchup, Richard?

WAITER
It's in the little bowl, Mr. Williams.

FRANK
Thanks. Here ya go. Keep the change.
Frank takes a crumpled fifty dollar bill out of his pocket,
hands it to the waiter.

WAITER
Thank you very much, Mr. Williams.
you want some`5'v

WAIT O
I would, but my sh' over. I'm
going home to my ki thank you
for asking, Mr. Willi d merry
Christmas.

FRANK
Merry Christmas.

92 INT. - FBI FINGERPRINT LAB. - WASHINGTON D.C. - NIGHT 92


CLOSE ON A FINGERPRINT UNDER A MICROSCOPE -- WE SEE ONE
PRINT

AFTER ANOTHER.

JOE SHAYE
is looking through a giant PRINT BOOK -- tediously searching
for a match. Joe is alone in the fingerprint lab, where a
pathetic looking Christmas tree sits in the corner of the
room. The phone rings, and Joe quickly answers.

JOE SHAYE (ON PHONE)
This is Shaye. Merry Christmas.

INTERCUT WITH SC. 93
(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




60.

92 CONTINUED: 92

FRANK
Hello, Joe.

JOE SHAYE
Who is this?

FRANK
Johnson, Secret Service.
Joe sits up at his desk, grabs a pencil and paper.

JOE SHAYE
John Doe 2172?

FRANK
I've been trying to track you down
for a couple of hours. Did you know
that most people in the FBI have no
idea who you are or what you do?

JOE SHAYE
What do you want?
happened out li'n>Zo ngeles .

JOE
Fuck you. Don't yo ize to me.
I'm the one that's Rn t you in
jail.

FRANK
Joe, do you always work on Christmas
Eve?
Joe looks around the room before he answers.

JOE SHAYE
I volunteered, so that men with
families could go home early.
FRANK
You were wearing a wedding ring in
L.A.. I thought maybe you had a
family?

JOE SHAYE
No. I've never been married.

FRANK
How come?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




61.

92 CONTINUED: (2) 92

JOE SHAYE
You want to talk to me, let's talk
face to face.

FRANK
Okay. I'm at the Waldorf Astoria in
Manhattan. Suite 3113.
Joe starts to write this down, then suddenly stops himself.

JOE SHAYE
You think you're gonna get me again,
don't you? You'd love for me to send
twenty agents out on Christmas Eve
to barge into that hotel, break down
doors so you can make a fool out of
me again?

FRANK
Joe, I'm sorry if I made a fool out
of you.

J SHAYS
Goddamn it, o t you feel sorry for
me. The tru h knew it was you.
Maybe I didn 1 {he trigger, but
I knew.
FRANK
People only know wh r,y` iV tell them.

JOE SHAYE
Then tell me something. How did you
know I wouldn't look in the wallet?

FRANK
The same reason the Yankees always
win. Nobody can keep their eyes off
the pinstripes.

JOE SHAYE
The Yankees win because they have
Mickey Mantle.

FRANK
I have to go. I'm catching a flight
in two hours. Merry Christmas, Joe.

JOE SHAYE
You didn't call to apologize, did
you John Doe?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




62.

92 CONTINUED: (3) 92

7 FRANK
What do you mean?

JOE SHAYE
You've got no one else to call.
Joe hangs up the phone. He cups his hands to his face, then
stares at a picture of his WIFE AND DAUGHTER -- which sits
on the desk in front of him.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Joe Shaye confronts Frank, a supposed Secret Service agent, in a tense hallway encounter at the Tropicana Motel. Despite Frank's explanations, Joe remains suspicious. The scene shifts to the FBI offices in Washington D.C., where Joe later receives a call from Frank. The encounter highlights Joe's suspicions and determination, while hinting at personal struggles through a photo of his family.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Intriguing character dynamics
  • Engaging plot development
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of emotional depth in some areas

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written with strong tension and suspense. The dialogue is engaging and keeps the audience on edge. The interaction between Frank and Joe is intriguing and adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Frank pretending to be with the Secret Service to deceive Joe is a unique and interesting twist. It adds complexity to the character of Frank and creates a compelling dynamic between the two characters.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Frank successfully navigates the encounter with Joe, showcasing his cunning and quick thinking. The scene adds depth to the overall story and sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre, with unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Frank and Joe are well-developed and their interactions are engaging. Frank's deception and Joe's suspicion create a compelling dynamic that drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it does reveal more about Frank's cunning and deceptive nature. Joe's suspicions and reactions also add layers to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Joe's internal goal is to prove himself as a competent FBI agent and redeem himself after making a mistake in the past. He wants to catch the criminal and show his worth as an investigator.

External Goal: 7

Joe's external goal is to apprehend the criminal involved in counterfeiting and bring him to justice. He wants to solve the case and make a significant arrest.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internally within the characters and externally in their interactions. The deception and tension between Frank and Joe create a palpable sense of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting information and motivations between the characters. The audience is kept guessing about the true intentions of each character, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in this scene as Frank risks being caught by Joe, a law enforcement officer. The tension and suspense are heightened by the potential consequences of Frank's deception being revealed.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Frank's ability to deceive and manipulate, setting up future conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the overall narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting information presented by the characters and the unexpected twists in the dialogue. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the characters' true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust and deception. Joe must navigate the conflicting information presented by Frank, who claims to be Secret Service but may not be telling the truth. This challenges Joe's beliefs about loyalty and honesty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to intrigue and curiosity. The interaction between Frank and Joe adds depth to the characters and engages the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the tension and deception between Frank and Joe. It keeps the audience engaged and adds depth to the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, suspenseful pacing, and high-stakes conflict. The audience is drawn into the characters' motivations and actions, keeping them invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a crime genre screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical crime genre structure, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a climactic moment. The pacing and formatting are effective in conveying the suspense.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension, especially for a moment where Joe is supposed to be apprehending a suspect.
  • The dialogue between Joe and Frank feels a bit forced and lacks depth, making the interaction less engaging.
  • The transition between Joe guarding the room and Frank's escape to the airport feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • There is a missed opportunity to build more suspense and intrigue in the scene, as it falls flat in terms of creating a gripping moment.
  • The character dynamics between Joe and Frank could be further developed to add more layers to their interaction.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the suspense and tension by adding more dramatic elements to the scene, such as a chase or a confrontation between Joe and Frank.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Smooth out the transition between Joe guarding the room and Frank's escape to create a more seamless flow of events.
  • Consider adding twists or surprises to keep the audience on the edge of their seats during the scene.
  • Further explore the relationship between Joe and Frank to add depth and complexity to their interaction.



Scene 20 -  The Switch
93 INT. - WALDORF ASTORIA HOTEL. - ROOM 93

Frank slowly hangs up the phone. He walks over to the chair
in the room, picks up his Pilot's Cap and puts it on.

94 INT. - LAS VEGAS SAVINGS AND LOAN. - DAY 94

Frank stands across from a NEW ACCOUNTS MANAGER at a LAS

VEGAS BANK.

NEW ACCOUNTS MANAGER
You account balance will be three
hundred dolls Mr. Williams. And
these are y r emporary checks.

NEW AC
Just take a deposit
counter, then fill in
ou wish to the amounty

FRANK
I don't need to fill in my account
number?

NEW ACCOUNTS MANAGER
At Nevada Savings and Loan, we treat
our customers by name instead of by
number.
Frank walks over and stares at the deposit slips. He grabs A
THICK STACK and shoves them into his coat.

95 INT. - CAESAR'S PALACE HOTEL. - NIGHT 95


CLOSE ON

A DEPOSIT SLIP AS IT'S FED INTO THE MICKER MACHINE.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




63.

95 CONTINUED: 95
When the deposit slips comes through the other side, WE SEE
a NINE DIGIT ACCOUNT NUMBER printed on the bottom. Frank
sits on the edge of his Las Vegas hotel room -- HUNDREDS OF

DEPOSIT SLIPS COVERING THE BED.

96 INT. - NEVADA SAVINGS AND LOAN. - DAY 96

Frank walks into the bank, casually switches his stack of
deposit slips with the ones on display.

97 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - WASHINGTON D.C. - DAY 97

Joe Shaye uses a slide projector as he files a report in
front of TEN AGENTS.

JOE SHAYE
I'm calling it "The Switch." Next
slide.
The slide doesn't change.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)

JOE HITS

JOE SHAYE�?� CO)
John Doe 2172 took two red and
fifty deposit slips from Nevada
Savings and encoded his account number
on the bottom of each one.

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
Wait a second, Joe. Those slips don't
even have his name on them.

JOE SHAYE
The bank scanners read the micker
ink before they read pen ink. So
even though those deposit slips are
filled out correctly, each person
who made a deposit that day was
actually putting money into his
account.

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
How much did he get?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -!
64.

97 CONTINUED: 97

JOE SHAYE
Forty-six thousand, four hundred and'
twelve dollars. It was the second
largest bank robbery in the history
of Las Vegas.

98 INT. - PAN AM BUILDING COMMISSARY. - DAY 98

Paul Mulligan sits across from Frank eating lunch. Frank is
dressed in school clothes and holding a notebook.

FRANK
What's the fuel consumption of a 707
in flight?

MULLIGAN
Kid, I'm really not in the mood for
this today. That damn Skywayman is
driving me crazy. There was another
article.

FRANK
Who's The Sk an?
Mulligan hands Frank _ f the NEW YORK TIMES.

UG
Some nut flying
posing as a Pan Am
has devoted a weekl
Frank stares down at the TIMES, h yes wide as he stares
at the headline: SKYWAYMAN VISITS WASHINGTON: ELUSIVE PHONY

STILL FLYING THE FRIENDLY SKIES.

FRANK
The Skywayman...

MULLIGAN
I keep telling them it's not my
problem. He doesn't fly on Pan Am
planes -- he flies on everybody else.
The damn paper is in love with this
clown -- they call him the James
Bond of the sky.
FRANK
Did you say James Bond?
Debbie Zane - 5




65.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank Williams meticulously plans a bank heist, while FBI Agent Joe Shaye investigates a similar robbery method known as "The Switch." Frank disguises himself as a student to gather information about the enigmatic Skywayman, creating an internal conflict as he weighs his options.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept
  • Building tension
  • Introduction of new character
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Dialogue could be more engaging

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and introduces a new element to the plot with Frank's bank fraud scheme. It keeps the audience engaged and sets up future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using deposit slips and micker ink for a bank fraud scheme is unique and adds depth to Frank's character as a skilled con artist.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of Frank's new scheme and the involvement of the FBI agent, Joe Shaye. It sets up future conflicts and keeps the story engaging.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the bank robbery genre by incorporating modern technology like micker machines and deposit slips. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While Frank's character is further developed through his elaborate scheme, the introduction of Joe Shaye adds a new dynamic to the story. However, more depth could be added to the characters' motivations and emotions.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, with Frank continuing his deceptive ways and Joe Shaye beginning his pursuit.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to successfully execute the bank robbery scheme without getting caught. This reflects his desire for financial gain and his fear of failure or imprisonment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to steal money from the bank by manipulating deposit slips and bank scanners. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in executing the robbery scheme.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Frank's fraudulent activities and the pursuit by the FBI agent creates tension and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with law enforcement agencies and ethical dilemmas posing challenges to the protagonist's criminal activities.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Frank engages in a complex bank fraud scheme while being pursued by the FBI, adding intensity and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new scheme, setting up conflicts, and involving the FBI agent in Frank's activities.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the bank robbery scheme and the protagonist's actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's moral values and ethics. He is engaging in criminal activity, which challenges his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is limited in this scene as the focus is more on the scheme and the unfolding events rather than deep emotional connections.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves the purpose of conveying information about the scheme and setting up future events. It could be more engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's criminal activities and the risks he faces.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 7

The scene follows the expected format for a crime thriller genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from Frank hanging up the phone in his hotel room to suddenly being in a Las Vegas bank. Consider adding a smoother transition to improve the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Frank and the New Accounts Manager at the bank feels a bit stiff and unnatural. Try to make the conversation more dynamic and engaging to capture the audience's attention.
  • The visual description of Frank shoving a stack of deposit slips into his coat could be more detailed to create a vivid image for the audience.
  • The scene at the FBI offices in Washington D.C. with Joe Shaye and the ten agents could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
  • The dialogue between Joe Shaye and the agents about 'The Switch' could be more concise and impactful to convey the gravity of the situation effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief establishing shot or transition to set the scene in the Las Vegas bank more clearly.
  • Work on refining the dialogue between Frank and the New Accounts Manager to make it more natural and engaging.
  • Enhance the visual description of Frank's actions with the deposit slips to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Introduce more visual elements in the FBI office scene to make it visually engaging and help convey the information effectively.
  • Streamline the dialogue between Joe Shaye and the agents to make the briefing on 'The Switch' more impactful and concise.



Scene 21 -  The Hunt Begins
99 INT. - MOVIE THEATER. - NIGHT 99

Frank is sitting in a movie theater watching GOLDFINGER, his
eyes glued to the screen. He's eating a box of popcorn, a
big smile on his face as he stares up at SEAN CONNERY.

100 INT_ - CLOTHING STORE. - DAY 100
Frank is wearing a three button black suit with a sweater
vest and narrow black tie. He's looking at himself in a full
length mirror, with a SALESMAN standing behind him.

FRANK
And you're sure this is the suit?

SALESMAN
Positive. That'.s the same.one he
wore in the movie.

FRANK
Okay. I'll take three.

S SMAN
Now all you a is one of those
little Fore gny-�ts cars he drives.

101
The lab is packed with AGENT re searching for a
fingerprint match. Joe Shaye i s head from a microscope,
rubs his eyes.

FOX
Joe, I got something!
Joe rushes over to Agent Fox, who is holding up TWO SETS OF

FINGERPRINTS.

FOX (CONT'D)
I was looking through the wanted
criminal file, and there it was!
Look at that!
Joe takes the file from Fox and opens it.

JOE SHAYE
The Skywayman. Holy shit, a perfect
match.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




66.

101 CONTINUED: 101

AMDURSKY
They describe The Skywayman as a
thirty-year-old -- dark hair --six-
feet -- same fucking guy!

JOE SHAYE
It doesn't make any sense. A thirty-
year-old has to register for the
draft, which means his prints have
to be here.

FOX
Maybe there's a reason he didn't
register. He could have a wooden leg
for all we know. Maybe he was born
in Peru and he's not an American

CITIZEN-

JOE SHAYE
Maybe he's not thirty. Somebody call
New York, get a list of juvenile
runaways from the NYPD.
102 EXT. - PAULA ABAGNALE'S HOME. `e_ VMIGL ISLAND. -
MORNING 102
TEN FBI AGENTS have surrounded a 4 /STORY HOME IN LONG
ISLAND. Joe Shaye, wearing a black hat and black overcoat,
is knocking on the door with Amdursky and Fox. Paula answers
with a cigarette in her hand.
JOE SHAYE
Good morning, ma'am, we're the FBI
Agents who called.

PAULA
Yes. I've been waiting. I hope you're
all hungry. I made biscuits-

103 INT. - PAULA'S HOME. - LONG ISLAND. - MORNING 103

Paula sits on the living room couch pouring three cups of
coffee. There is a tray of BISCUITS on the table in front of
her.

PAULA
My husband is a lawyer.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




67.

103 CONTINUED: 103
Paula motions to a FRAMED PICTURE of Jack Wright.
PAULA (cont' d)
He advised me not to speak to you.
So I'd appreciate it if you didn't
mention this to him.

JOE SHAYE
Of course, Ma'am. Do you have a
current address for your ex-husband,
Frank Abagnale?

PAULA
No. He moves around a lot these days.
How are those biscuits?

AMDURS KY
Very good.

JOE SHAYE
Ma'am, you filed a police report
last year for a juvenile runaway
named Frank Ana1e, Jr.

PAULA
He's forging checks? That's why you're
here?

(LAUGHING)
Half the kids his age are on dope,
throwing rocks at police, and you're
scaring me to death because my son
is forging checks?

JOE SHAYE
What he's doing is a federal offense.

PAULA (CONT'D)
A young boy has to eat, has to have
a place to sleep. What do you want
him to do? His father can't help
him.
Paula gets off the couch and grabs her purse.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -'




68.

103 CONTINUED: (2) 103

PAULA (CONT'D)
I'm working part-time now at the
Church. Just tell me how much he
owes and I'll pay you back.
Paula takes out her CHECKBOOK.

JOE SHAYE
So far it's about two million dollars.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank indulges in a movie screening of GOLDFINGER, drawn to the style of Sean Connery, leading him to purchase a similar suit. Meanwhile, the FBI uncovers a fingerprint match linking Frank Jr., a runaway juvenile, to crime scenes. Paula, Frank's ex-wife, expresses shock upon learning about her son's criminal involvement. Frank continues to make large purchases at a clothing store, attracting the attention of the FBI, who launch a search for a fugitive matching his description.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing plot development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly cliched or predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the undercover investigation, while also delving into the emotional complexity of the characters involved.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an undercover investigation into a criminal activity involving a family member adds depth and intrigue to the storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the FBI agents gather crucial information about Frank Jr.'s whereabouts and criminal activities.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations, such as the investigation into Frank's actions and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Paula Abagnale, are well-developed and show conflicting emotions and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Paula Abagnale undergoes a significant emotional journey in this scene, grappling with conflicting loyalties and moral dilemmas.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his identity and reputation as he interacts with different characters and situations.

External Goal: 9

Frank's external goal is to address the legal and financial consequences of his actions, particularly in relation to his family and the authorities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the FBI agents and Paula Abagnale, as well as the internal conflict within Paula herself, creates a high level of tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult challenges and moral dilemmas that drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the FBI agents investigate a multi-million dollar fraud case and Paula Abagnale faces the consequences of her son's actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information about Frank Jr.'s whereabouts and criminal activities, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the moral implications of Frank's actions and the societal expectations placed on him as a young man.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, as it explores the complex emotions of a mother torn between loyalty to her son and the law.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil of the characters involved in the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and high stakes for the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense, while also allowing for moments of character development and reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and characters.


Critique
  • The transition from Frank watching a movie to the FBI agents discovering a fingerprint match is abrupt and lacks a smooth connection.
  • The dialogue between the FBI agents discussing the fingerprint match feels forced and lacks authenticity in terms of how law enforcement professionals would communicate.
  • The scene with Paula Abagnale feels disjointed and lacks a clear focus on the main conflict or tension between her and the FBI agents.
  • The dialogue between Paula and the FBI agents could be more nuanced and emotionally charged to convey the complexity of the situation.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, leaving the audience hanging without a sense of closure or direction.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between scenes to improve the flow of the screenplay.
  • Work on making the dialogue between the FBI agents more realistic and engaging to enhance the authenticity of the law enforcement setting.
  • Focus on developing the conflict between Paula and the FBI agents to create a more compelling and dynamic interaction.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the dialogue between Paula and the FBI agents to bring out the complexity of the characters' motivations and relationships.
  • Consider adding a clearer resolution or climax to the scene to provide a sense of closure and direction for the audience.



Scene 22 -  The Elusive Frank Unmasked
104 INT. - DALLAS BANK - DALLAS. - DAY 104

LUCY, one of the BANK TELLERS we met earlier, sits in her
office. Joe Shaye and the other agents open up the BUCKLEY
SCHOOL HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK. On a page marked, SOPHOMORES,
Joe points to tiny black and white picture of Frank wearing
a coat and tie.

LUCY
Yes, Sir, that's him. But I didn't
know he was sixteen! I swear to God
I didn't know!
Joe gets out of the cy , -61oses the door on Lucy and smiles
at Amdursky and Fox.
We got him.
105 EXT. - JFK AIRPORT. - DAY v til "_ 105
Frank is wearing his James Bond s1'/as she pulls up to the
airport in a German sports car. He parks the car and jumps
out of the convertible, leaving the keys in the ignition.

106 INT. - JFK AIRPORT. - DAY 106

Frank is walking through the airport, eyeing several
UNIFORMED
COPS who are scattered throughout the terminal, all holding
the yearbook picture of FRANK. Frank sees FOUR UNDERCOVER
COPS walking toward him, then sees TWO DETECTIVES checking
the identification of a PAN AM PILOT.
Frank nervously steps into the NEWSSTAND, hides behind a
magazine rack as he slowly reaches up and takes off his
Pilot's cap and sunglasses.

FRANK (V.O.)
Dear Dad. I'm no longer an airline
pilot for Pan Am. I'm now an FBI
Agent working undercover for the

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




69.

106 CONTINUED: 106
FRANK (V.O.) (cont'd)
United States government. How are
you? Please get in touch with Joanna
Carlson at Monroe High School, and
tell her that I won't be able to go
to the Junior Prom with her.
Frank is staring at the cover of PLAYBOY MAGAZINE. He smiles
as he reads the headline: RIVER BEND -- THE BEST SINGLES

COMPLEX IN AMERICA

107 EXT. - RIVER BEND APARTMENT COMPLEX. - ATLANTA. - DAY
107


SUPER: ATLANTA, GEORGIA AUGUST 1964
A sprawling APARTMENT COMPLEX that lines a picturesque golf
course. There are two swimming pools, tennis courts, but
most of all -- WOMEN. Everywhere you look, there are women
walking the grounds, swimming, playing tennis.
Frank is carrying the MICKER BANK MACHINE into his
apartment,
passing TWO WOMEN in bikinis.

FRANK \1� (0)
This is a micker encodifi achine.
It's what banks use to print numbers
on checks. I collect them.

WOMAN #2
Very cool. Where's the party tonight?

FRANK
I'm doing fondue at my place.

108 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - NIGHT 108


CLOSE ON
A bubbling FONDUE POT with skewers lining the rim. The
apartment is packed with men and women who are drinking,
smoking pot, and eating fondue.

R.B.WOMAN #1
Frank, this is great fondue.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -
70.

108 CONTINUED: 108

FRANK
Thanks. Did you see my new phonograph
system? It's reel-to-reel, the best
sound system you can buy.
Frank motions to the phonograph system in the living room,
with giant speakers against the walls.

R.B. WOMAN #2
I still want to see that bedroom of
yours. I hear you have thirty suits.

FRANK
Thirty-one. Come on, everyone, I'll
show you my closet!

109 INT. - FRANK'S BEDROOM. - NIGHT 109

Frank is standing in front of the master walk-in closet. His
bed is round, -and there are mirrors on the ceiling.

FRANK
Okay, you guyeady?
Frank throws open his"c doors, revealing FOUR ROWS of
SUITS, all different st all arranged by color.

R. B. 0#1
Whoa, look all tho

�1�
FRANK � no
Some of those Manhattan le suits
were three hundred dollars. And those
shoes are Stacy-Adams slip-ons.

R.B. MAN #2
I didn't know the FBI .paid so well.
A drunk WOMEN comes running into the bedroom.

R.B. WOMAN #3
Come quick. Lance just fell into the
conversation pit.

110 INT. - MARIETTA GENERAL HOSPITAL. - ATLANTA. - NIGHT 110

Frank walks through the hospital, looking into rooms,
smiling
at patients. He walks toward a RECEPTION DESK, sees a YOUNG
DOCTOR yelling at BRENDA STRONG, 17, a thin, awkward looking
candy striper with her hair in a bun and braces on her
bottom
teeth.

(CONTINUED)
nohhic 7mno - s




71.

110 CONTINUED: 110

YOUNG DOCTOR
These bottles need to be labeled
when you pick them up. Do you realize
what would happen if they got mixed
up -- do you understand how dangerous
this is? Don't stand there crying,
just nod your head and tell me you
won't do it again!
Brenda nods her head, quickly walks away from the Doctor and
sits behind the RECEPTION DESK. She buries her head and
starts
to write a letter, her body still sobbing as Frank walks up
to her.

FRANK
Are you okay?
Brenda looks up at Frank, her eyes and nose puffy from
crying.
She covers her mouth when she talks.

BRENDA
i He told me to ck up the blood, so
I did. He nev told me to label it.
Brenda.

FRANK
Brenda, I wouldn't worr-out it.
These Doctors don't know everything.

BRENDA
It's my first week. I think they'.re
going to fire me.
FRANK
No. Nobody will fire you. I'll bet
you're good at your job.

BRENDA
No, I'm not.

FRANK
I'll bet if I asked you to check the
status of my friend, Lance Applebaum,
you could do that in a second. He
hurt his foot tonight.
Brenda grabs a chart, starts to read it out loud.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - f




72.

110 CONTINUED: (2) 110

BRENDA
Mr. Applebaum fractured his ankle.
Doctor Ashland is treating him in
exam seven.

FRANK
See that. No problem.
Brenda smiles, covering her mouth.

BRENDA
This is the emergency chart. See the
blue star, that means the patient
has been diagnosed. After he's
treated, we put a red circle here.

FRANK
How do you like those braces?
Brenda looks embarrassed as she stares at Frank.

BRENDA
I guess they',okay.
FRANK
Mine were bottoms. I h 'e(E hhem. I
still have my mouth qua

BRENDA
You have really nice teeth.

FRANK
And you have a pretty smile.
Brenda tries not to smile, shaking her head and covering her
face.

FRANK (CONT'D)
I'm serious. I think those braces
look really good on you.
Brenda starts to blush as she continues to write her letter.

FRANK (CONT'D)
What are you writing?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




73.

110 CONTINUED: (3) 110

BRENDA
A letter to Ringo.

FRANK
What does it say?

BRENDA
I can't tell you. I'm embarrassed.

FRANK
Come on. What does it say?

BRENDA
It says I love him. Pretty stupid,
right. Ringo Starr is never going to
read my letter.
Frank stares at Brenda, starts to smile as she puts her
letter
in a drawer.

FRANK
Brenda, do you know if they're hiring
here at the h ital?

C O

111 INT. - JOHN GRANGER'S OFFICE. - TAL. - DAY.

Frank is sitting across from JOHN GRANGER, 60's, the
HOSPITAL
ADMINISTRATOR, who is reading over a RESUME.

GRANGER
Harvard Medical School, top of your
class, Children's Hospital of Los
Angeles, Peace Corps volunteer in
North Africa. A pretty impressive
resume, Doctor Connors? Why do you
want to work here?

FRANK
I came to Atlanta to relax, to get
away from my practice for a year.
But to be honest, I'm a little bored
out at River Bend.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




74.

111 CONTINUED: ILL

GRANGER
Unfortunately, the only thing I need
is an emergency room supervisor for
my midnight to eight shift, someone
to baby-sit six interns and thirty
nurses. But I doubt you'd be
interested in that.
FRANK
Would I get to pick my own nurses?
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Lucy identifies Frank in a yearbook photo. Agents track him to the airport but he evades them. Frank hosts a party in Atlanta, then visits a hospital where he comforts Brenda, a candy striper. Despite a tense start with the agents, a sense of camaraderie emerges. Frank's inquiry about a hospital job hints at his future.
Strengths
  • Engaging character development
  • Intriguing plot progression
  • Emotional depth in interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Transition between settings could be smoother

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a mix of suspense, drama, and emotional moments. It effectively sets up a new phase in Frank's story and introduces intriguing new characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Frank transitioning from a pilot to an FBI agent is compelling and adds a new layer of complexity to the story. The introduction of Brenda and Frank's interactions at the hospital provide a fresh perspective on Frank's character.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Frank shifts from his pilot persona to an undercover FBI agent. The introduction of the hospital setting and Brenda's character adds depth and intrigue to the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic spy thriller genre by blending elements of crime, undercover work, and social interactions in a 1960s setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves into Frank's character development as he navigates new identities and interactions. Brenda's introduction adds a new dynamic to the story, showcasing Frank's empathy and adaptability.

Character Changes: 8

Frank undergoes significant character development in this scene as he transitions from a pilot to an FBI agent. His interactions with Brenda showcase his empathy and adaptability, hinting at further growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his cover as an FBI agent while navigating various social interactions and challenges. This reflects his need to balance his personal life with his undercover work and his desire to succeed in his mission.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evade detection by law enforcement while maintaining his cover as an FBI agent. This reflects the immediate challenge of being pursued by undercover cops and detectives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from Frank's dual identity as a pilot and an FBI agent. The tension is heightened by the introduction of Brenda and the challenges Frank faces in maintaining his cover.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from law enforcement, social expectations, and his own internal conflicts. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Frank navigates the risks of his undercover operation and the challenges of maintaining his dual identity. The introduction of Brenda adds personal stakes to the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new phase in Frank's journey and setting up new challenges and conflicts. It effectively transitions the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The outcome of the protagonist's actions is uncertain, adding to the suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's dual identities as an airline pilot and an FBI agent. This challenges his beliefs about loyalty, honesty, and the greater good.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from suspense and anxiety to empathy and hope. Frank's interactions with Brenda add a layer of emotional depth to the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and serves to develop the characters and drive the plot forward. It effectively conveys emotions and motivations, especially in Frank and Brenda's interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines elements of suspense, humor, and character development to create a dynamic and compelling narrative. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's world and invested in his journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension, humor, and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines enhance the readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre by establishing the setting, introducing the conflict, and developing the characters' motivations and goals. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Lucy identifying Frank in the yearbook to Frank arriving at JFK airport, which can be a bit disorienting for the audience.
  • There is a lack of clarity in the transition between Joe Shaye and the other agents identifying Frank in the yearbook to Frank arriving at the airport, which can make the scene feel disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Lucy and Joe Shaye could be more engaging and dynamic to add depth to the interaction.
  • The visual descriptions of Frank's actions at the airport could be more vivid and detailed to create a stronger sense of tension and suspense.
  • The voice-over narration from Frank could be integrated more seamlessly into the scene to enhance the storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between Lucy identifying Frank and Frank arriving at the airport to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Lucy and Joe Shaye to make the interaction more engaging and impactful.
  • Provide more detailed visual descriptions of Frank's actions at the airport to heighten the sense of tension and suspense in the scene.
  • Integrate the voice-over narration from Frank more effectively into the scene to enhance the storytelling and character development.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or reaction from Joe Shaye after Lucy confirms Frank's identity to add depth to his character.



Scene 23 -  Frank Pretends to Be a Doctor
112 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - RIVER BEND. - NIGHT 112

Twenty people are partying in the living room.

113 INT. - FRANK'S BEDROOM. 113

Frank is lying on his bed making a phony MEDICAL SCHOOL
DIPLOMA. He's using a HARVARD BROCHURE to guide him as he
carefully places the STICK-ON letters on the aged paper. A
WOMAN walks into the bedroom.



114 INT. - CONFERENCE ROOM. - DAB ^ 114

Frank is sitting in front of DO GER and FIVE DOCTORS,
all of whom are looking over FRAM ' FILE, which consists of
the fake HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL DIPLOMA -- fake letters of
recommendation from CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL OF LOS ANGELES, and
a fake CALIFORNIA MEDICAL LICENSE.

DOCTOR GRANGER
Doctor Connors, here is your temporary
license, which allows you to practice
medicine in the state of Georgia for
up to one year. And now let me be
the first to say, welcome to Marietta
General.

115 EXT. - HOSPITAL. - NIGHT 115

Frank is standing in front of the thirty CANDY STRIPERS,
NURSES and INTERNS who will be working under him during the
night shift. He wears Doctor's whites, holds a clipboard as
he takes roll.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5-




75.
115 CONTINUED: 115

FRANK
Brenda Strong?
He smiles at Brenda, who covers her mouth as she smiles
back.

BRENDA
Here.

FRANK
Doctor Paul Ashland.

DOCTOR ASHLAND
Sir... will you be taking role every
night?

FRANK
Yes. And if you're going to be late,
I suggest you bring a note.

116 INT. - HOSPITAL CORRIDOR. - NIGHT 116

Frank walks down along hospital corridor holding his
clipboard, passing sever"',, NURSES in the hall.

V

(FLIRTING
Good evening, tJr Connors.

FRANK
Button your shirt, M
can see you bra strap. i is s a
hospital, not a sororit

117 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - NIGHT.

ON A BLACK AND WHITE TV, DR. KILDARE approaches a hospital
bed.

DR. KILDARE (ON TV)
Any change in the patient, Doctor
Marks?

DOCTOR MARKS (ON TV)
Doctor Kildare, I think we should
try the shock therapy before it's
too late.
Frank sits alone in his apartment eating popcorn and
watching
DR. KILDARE on TV.

DOCTOR KILDARE (ON TV)
Doctor White, do you concur?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




76.

117 CONTINUED: 117

DOCTOR WHITE (ON TV)
Yes. I concur.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Frank creates a fake medical diploma and obtains a temporary license to practice medicine. He takes on the role of a doctor, supervising nurses and interns during the night shift. Despite his efforts to maintain his facade, Frank remains anxious about being discovered.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept of medical impersonation
  • Tension-building narrative
  • Character development for Frank
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and introduces a new element to the plot with Frank's medical impersonation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Frank impersonating a doctor is unique and adds depth to his character.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Frank successfully infiltrates the hospital, setting up potential conflicts and challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic trope of a character pretending to be something they're not. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Frank's character is further developed through his medical impersonation, showcasing his resourcefulness and adaptability.

Character Changes: 7

Frank undergoes a significant change by adopting a new persona as a doctor, showcasing his versatility and adaptability.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal in this scene is to fulfill his desire to become a doctor, despite not having the necessary qualifications. This reflects his deeper need for validation and success, as well as his fear of failure and inadequacy.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal in this scene is to successfully pass as a doctor and gain acceptance at Marietta General Hospital. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his deception and navigating the medical environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the potential consequences of Frank's medical impersonation and the risks involved.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Frank facing challenges both internally and externally as he navigates his deception and the medical environment.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Frank takes on the risky role of a doctor, potentially putting himself in dangerous situations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new challenge for Frank and setting up potential conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the moral ambiguity of the characters' actions and the uncertain outcome of Frank's deception.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of deception and the consequences of dishonesty. Frank's actions challenge traditional values of honesty and integrity in pursuit of personal gain.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a sense of tension and intrigue, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves the purpose of establishing Frank's new identity as a doctor and setting the tone for the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, tension, and moral complexity. The audience is drawn into Frank's deception and the risks he takes to achieve his goal.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in Frank's story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character development.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, as it jumps between different locations and characters without a cohesive narrative thread.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially in the interactions between Frank and the doctors in the conference room.
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, failing to engage the audience or create a meaningful connection with the characters.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal and do not effectively set the scene or create a vivid picture for the reader.
  • There is a lack of character development and motivation, making it difficult for the audience to understand the actions and decisions of the characters.
Suggestions
  • Focus on a central conflict or goal for the scene to give it purpose and drive the narrative forward.
  • Develop more natural and engaging dialogue that reveals character traits and advances the plot.
  • Add emotional depth and complexity to the interactions between characters to create a more compelling and relatable story.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
  • Provide more insight into the characters' motivations and internal struggles to make them more dynamic and engaging.



Scene 24 -  Masquerade Underneath
118 EXT. - FRANK'S OFFICE. - HOSPITAL. - NIGHT. 118

The name on the office door reads FRANK CONNORS, M.D.. Frank
sits at his desk in front of a brand new IBM ELECTRIC
TYPEWRITER. He is making COUNTERFEIT CHECKS for himself as
Brenda walks in holding a clipboard.

BRENDA
Doctor Connors, you need to sign
these.
Brenda walks in and hands him the clipboard. Frank starts to
scribble on the charts, the way Doctor's scribble out
prescriptions.

BRENDA (CONT'D)
Do you notice anything different
about me, Doctor Connors?

F
You got your �e ff! Let me see.
Frank moves toward her, st dkA her bottom teeth.

BRENDA
I kept trying to show '4 ) l night.

FRANK
Did it hurt when they took them off?
Mine felt so weird after.
BRENDA'
I keep rubbing my tongue over them.
I can't stop. It's so slippery.

FRANK
It feels good, doesn't it?

BRENDA
Yes_ It feels incredible.
Frank leans toward Brenda, gently starts to kiss her. As the
passion increases WE HEAR the HOSPITAL P.A. SYSTEM.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




77.

118 CONTINUED: 118

P.A. OPERATOR
Doctor Connors, please come to
Emergency. Doctor Connors to
Emergency.
Frank continues to kiss Brenda.

BRENDA
Shouldn't you go?

FRANK
There's a staff Doctor in the
emergency ward.

BRENDA
What if he's in surgery?

FRANK
Do you really think I have to go?

119 INT. - HOSPITAL ELEVATOR. - DAY 119

Frank nervously paces i d,� he elevator, taking deep
breaths
as he tries to calm d
120
The elevator doors open, a3W Pr slowly walks into the
EMERGENCY WARD, where Nurses rushing toward a closed
curtain.

EMERGENCY N
In here, Doctor Connors.
Frank walks toward a closed curtain, stands in front of a
bed and forces himself to look-'He sees a blood splattered
sheet and three young INTERNS standing over the leg of an

ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD BOY.

FRANK
Well, what do we have here?

DOCTOR ASHLAND
Bicycle accident. A fracture of the
tibia, about five inches below the
patella.
Frank stares at the boy's face, trying not to look at the
open wound.

FRANK
Doctor Hollis, do you concur?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




78.

120 CONTINUED: 120

DOCTOR HOLLIS
Concur with what, Sir?

FRANK
What Doctor Ashland just said.

DOCTOR HOLLIS

(CONFUSED)
Well, it was a bicycle accident. The
boy told us.
FRANK
So you concur?

DOCTOR HOLLIS"
Well, I'm not sure we can...

DOCTOR ASHLAND
I think we should take an x-ray,
then stitch him up and put him in a
walking cast.

K
Very good, cb?6r Ashland. You don't
seem to hav Tm4x a ed for me. Carry
on.

DOCTOR HO
I blew it, didn't I? Wh idn't I
concur? I panicked!

I

121 INT. - HOSPITAL MEN'S ROOM. - NIGHT. 121

Frank walks into the MEN'S ROOM, steps into an empty stall
and immediately starts to throw up.

122 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - RIVER BEND. - NIGHT 122

Frank is writing a letter at his electric typewriter. He
pulls it out and reads it over, then takes out a pen and
signs the name RINGO STARR.

123 INT. - HOSPITAL. - NIGHT 123

Brenda is running through the halls holding the letter.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




79.

123 CONTINUED: 123
BRENDA
He wrote me back. Ringo wrote me
back! Doctor Connors, come quick! I
got a letter from Ringo Starr, he
signed his name and said I was his
biggest fan!
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Romance"]

Summary Frank, a fraudulent doctor, faces his fears when Brenda, a nurse, uncovers his secret. Caught in the chaos of a hospital emergency, Frank's deception crumbles, leading to a tense confrontation and an unexpected revelation.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends different genres and tones, creating a compelling and engaging narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character leading a double life as a doctor and a criminal is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Frank navigates the challenges of maintaining his facade as a doctor while engaging in criminal activities.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the trope of a conflicted protagonist by combining elements of medical drama with criminal intrigue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Frank and Brenda, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Frank experiences internal growth and conflict as he grapples with his conflicting roles.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his facade as a competent and caring doctor while engaging in unethical activities like making counterfeit checks. This reflects his fear of being exposed and losing his reputation.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to handle the emergency situation in the hospital and make medical decisions for the injured boy. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in balancing his criminal activities with his medical responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is internal conflict within Frank as he struggles with his dual identity, as well as external conflict in the medical emergency he faces.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and decisions that challenge the protagonist's actions and beliefs.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are present both in Frank's criminal activities and in the medical emergency he faces, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the complexity of Frank's character and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's actions and decisions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical dilemma of Frank's dual identity as a doctor and a criminal. This challenges his values and beliefs about integrity and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to passion, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the inner conflicts and motivations of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, moral ambiguity, and character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's dilemma and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic sequence in a screenplay, with clear setups, conflicts, and resolutions.


Critique
  • The scene transitions smoothly from Frank making counterfeit checks to Brenda entering his office, creating a sense of continuity.
  • The dialogue between Frank and Brenda feels natural and captures their playful interaction.
  • The interruption by the hospital P.A. system adds a sense of urgency and conflict to the scene.
  • Frank's nervousness in the elevator and his attempt to maintain his composure in the emergency ward add depth to his character.
  • The medical terminology and interactions with the doctors help establish Frank's facade as a doctor.
  • The scene effectively builds tension and sets up potential conflicts for Frank as he navigates his dual identity.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the hospital, such as medical equipment or sounds.
  • Explore deeper emotional reactions from Frank as he grapples with the responsibilities of his fake medical role.
  • Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing of potential consequences for Frank's actions to increase suspense.
  • Enhance the pacing of the scene by varying the intensity of interactions between characters and moments of calm.
  • Consider incorporating internal monologue or reflections from Frank to provide insight into his mindset and motivations.



Scene 25 -  Love, Suspense, and Drama
124 INT. - HOSPITAL CAFETERIA. - NIGHT 124

Frank is sitting across from Brenda in the cafeteria.

BRENDA
I bought you a present.
Brenda hands him wrapped present.

BRENDA (CONT'D)
Open it.
Frank quickly opens the box, takes out a TINY GOLD DOCTOR'S

CADECUS.

(CONT'D)
doctors wearing r
left yours back
ld plated.

BRENDA
Now when you're walki nd the
hospital, you'll feel l"the real
thing.
She pins the Cadecus on his lapel, and Frank can't help but
smile.

FRANK
Brenda, I want to go away with you.
I'll take you anywhere you want to
go.

BRENDA
I haven't really been anywhere.

FRANK
Just name the place, and we can go.
Africa, Egypt, it doesn't matter.

BRENDA
Can we go to Liverpool.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -'
80.

124 CONTINUED: 124

FRANK
Where's Liverpool?

BRENDA
It's where the Beatles are from in
Europe.

FRANK
Okay. We'll go to Liverpool.

BRENDA
You're joking, right. We're not really
going to Liverpool, are we?

FRANK
Brenda, how would you like to be
head nurse at the hospital? is

BRENDA
But I'm not a nurse. I'm a candy
striper.

K
We'll get y nurses uniform. Nobody
will know the rence. I'll make
the announcem`L:dri

V

BRE
They'll laugh at m k, please
don't make me the h e. Promise
me you won't do that, t even
give a shot.

4

FRANK
Just think about it, Brenda. You and
I could run this hospital one day.
125 EXT. - FRANK SR.'S EASTCHESTER APARTMENT. - DAY 125

Joe Shaye is eating a slice of pizza as he talks with the
LANDLORD of the apartment building.

JOE SHAYE
I just need to go inside and take a
quick look around?

LANDLORD
He's at work, so search all you want.
But if you find any money in there,
it belongs to me.
Debbie Zane - 5




81.

126 INT. - FRANK SR'S EASTCHESTER APARTMENT. - DAY 126

Joe Shaye is walking through the two bedroom apartment.
There's a bed pushed against the wall, stacks of drafting
paper, envelopes, and other STATIONERY SUPPLIES lying around
the room.
WE SEE a black and white picture of Paula and Frank Sr.
sitting on the front of a U.S. ARMY TANK.
Joe takes Frank Sr.'s black briefcase off the shelf and
flips
it open. He reaches inside and pulls out a stack of
POSTCARDS --
all sent by Frank to his father. Joe smiles as he flips over
the postcard, stares down at a picture of CLARK GABLE and

VIVIAN LEIGH.

127 EXTINT. - EASTCHESTER PHONE BOOTH. - DAY 127

Joe is inside a phone booth, dropping dimes into the slot
and holding the POSTCARD.

JOE SHAYE
He's in Atlan Sean! No, I'm not
coming back o ashington. I'm going
straight to G and I'll meet
the team they hit, I'm out of
dimes. Sean, w 3, I'm out of dimes!
128 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - Rc JEND. - NIGHT. 128
Frank and Brenda are lying in bb�t(c.�ther, staring at
each
other in the ceiling mirrors.

FRANK
It's okay. You don't have to cry.

BRENDA
I'm sorry, I just can't do this.

FRANK
Brenda, it's okay. I don't care about
you being a virgin. I can wait.

BRENDA
I want to sleep with you. I really
do.
Brenda sits up, starts getting dressed.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




82.

128 CONTINUED: 128

BRENDA (CONT'D)
I haven't told you the truth. I'm
not a virgin. I had an abortion two
years ago. My parents found out and
kicked me out of the house.
Brenda covers her face with a pillow, starts to cry.

BRENDA (CONT'D)
I had an abortion, and they said I
wasn't their daughter anymore.

FRANK
It's okay.

BRENDA
Then a few months ago they apologized
and said I was their daughter, but I
couldn't come home for awhile. I'm
so sorry, Frank, please don't be
mad.

BREN 10
I ask them all the but they
won't let me come h M Y Da d'
a lawyer, and he and this
contract. He calls it a al
agreement.

FRANK
What if you were engaged to a doctor,
would that change anything?
Brenda removes the pillow from her face, stares at Frank.

BRENDA
What?

FRANK
What if I went to your parents, spoke
to your father and asked his
permission to marry you?

BRENDA
Don't tease me, Frank.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




83.

128 CONTINUED: (2) 128

FRANK
I'm not teasing.

BRENDA
You would go home with me to New
Orleans?

FRANK
We can leave right now, never come
back.

129 INT. - RIVER BEND APARTMENT COMPLEX. - ATLANTA. - NIGHT
129

TEN FBI AGENTS burst through the doors of Frank's apartment.
Joe Shaye is out front, leading the men inside with his guns
drawn.

FBI AGENT
We're clear. It's empty.
There's a fondue pot in the kitchen, bean bag chairs in the
living room. Joe walks over to the wall -- stares at the
framed HARVARD MEDICAL OkHOOL DIPLOMA.

130 EXT. - MARIETTA HOSPITAL/�7;NIGHT 130

TEN POLICE CARS, sirens �' n g , pull up to the front of
the
hospital. JOE SHAYE and hi Gn %ump out of sedan, sprint
into the hospital.

131 INT. - HOSPITAL. - NIGHT "Y (Q) 131

Joe Shaye is leading an army of cops down a hallway,
holding ;I
the Harvard Diploma in his hand. They make their way to the
front of a door marked: FRANK CONNORS, M.D..

JOE SHAYE
Okay. Kick it in.
The Agents kick down the door, and Joe Shaye walks into the
office, stares at an electric typewriter that is humming on
the desk.

132 EXT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - NEW ORLEANS. - NIGHT
132

A WHITE CADILLAC is parked in the driveway of a large, two
story house.
Debbie Zane -




84.
133 INT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - NIGHT 133

Frank, dressed in a plain white suit, sits at the dinner
table with Brenda and her parents, ROBERT and CAROL STRONG.
The house is old and warm, the table jammed with food.

ROBERT
Doctor Connors, are you a Lutheran?

FRANK
Yes, Sir. I'm a Lutheran.

CAROL
Have you been to New Orleans before,
Doctor?

FRANK
No, Ma'am. This is my first time.
And please, call me Frank.

ROBERT
Frank, would you like to say grace?
Frank stares at Brend ah her parents, who bow their heads.
He hesitates for a B T, WE SEE that he has no idea how
to say grace.
ROBETc `'''c d)
Unless you're not i V able.
Brenda peeks at Frank, who close 2 )eyes and bows his head.

FRANK
Two little mice fell in a bucket of
cream. The first mouse gave up and
drowned, but the second mouse
struggled so hard that he churned
that cream into butter -- and he
walked out. Amen.
They all lift their heads, clearly impressed. Robert turns
to Frank and smiles.

CAROL
Amen. That was beautiful.
Frank turns to Brenda, gives her a wink.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Frank and Brenda share a moment in the hospital cafeteria where Brenda gives Frank a tiny gold doctor's caduceus. They later decide to go away together. Meanwhile, Joe Shaye searches Frank Sr.'s apartment and finds a postcard. Frank and Brenda reveal intimate details to each other in bed, leading to a proposal. FBI agents raid Frank's apartment while Joe Shaye leads police to the hospital and Frank's office. The scene ends with Frank impressing Brenda's parents at dinner.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimate dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and sets up a significant turning point in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of love, forgiveness, and redemption is central to the scene and drives the character dynamics forward.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Frank makes a heartfelt promise to Brenda, setting up potential future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to romantic and career aspirations, blending personal and professional goals in a medical setting.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Frank and Brenda are well-developed, with complex emotions and motivations driving their actions.

Character Changes: 7

Both Frank and Brenda experience emotional growth and vulnerability, deepening their connection and setting the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to express his feelings for Brenda and make plans for their future together.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to propose a career advancement opportunity to Brenda.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is emotional tension and internal conflict, the scene focuses more on resolution and reconciliation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Brenda's reluctance to accept Frank's career proposal, adding conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 5

While the emotional stakes are high for Frank and Brenda's relationship, the external stakes are relatively low in this scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by solidifying the relationship between Frank and Brenda and hinting at future challenges and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in its progression of romantic and career aspirations.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a conflict between Brenda's desire to stay in her current role and Frank's vision for their future together running a hospital.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the moments of vulnerability and honesty between Frank and Brenda.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intimate, emotional, and reveals the depth of the characters' feelings for each other.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters and their personal and professional aspirations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth through character interactions and dialogue progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a romantic drama, with clear character motivations and dialogue progression.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, jumping between different locations and conversations without a cohesive thread.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with characters delivering lines that don't feel authentic or meaningful.
  • The emotional moments in the scene, such as Brenda revealing her past and Frank proposing, lack proper build-up and emotional resonance.
  • The transitions between different settings and conversations are abrupt and disjointed, making it hard for the audience to follow the story.
  • There is a lack of subtlety in the character interactions, with emotions and intentions being spelled out rather than shown through actions and subtext.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or theme for the scene to revolve around, providing a clear direction for the characters and dialogue.
  • Work on creating more natural and nuanced dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Build up the emotional moments in the scene by establishing a stronger connection between the characters and allowing their feelings to unfold gradually.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different locations and conversations to create a more cohesive and engaging narrative flow.
  • Explore more subtle ways to convey emotions and intentions, using gestures, expressions, and subtext to add depth to the character interactions.



Scene 26 -  A Night with Family and Friends
134 INT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - LIBRARY. - NIGHT 134

Frank stands next to Robert in the library, the two men
sipping brandy as they stare at some paintings on the walls.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5
85.

134 CONTINUED: 134

FRANK
Who is this?

ROBERT
President Johnson.

FRANK
Right. That's very good, Sir.

ROBERT
It's just a hobby. Every Sunday night
I go into the garage, pretend I'm an
artist. Sometimes I stay in there
for hours, hiding from the world,
making a fool out of myself.

FRANK
No, Sir. You are an artist.

ROBERT
What about you, Frank? Where do you
go when you need to hide?

ROBERT
Have you decided whic
want to work at here in

A

FRANK
To be honest, I've been thinking
about getting back into law.

ROBERT
What do you mean? Are you a lawyer
or a doctor?

FRANK
Before I went to medical school I
passed the bar in California. I
practiced law for a year, then decided
to try my hand at pediatrics.

ROBERT
A doctor and a lawyer. I'd say Brenda
hit the jackpot. Where did you go to
law school?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




86.

134 CONTINUED: (2) 134

FRANK
Berkeley.

ROBERT
Berkeley. Well, now she's hit the
Irish Sweepstakes. Would you be
interested in coming to work for an
old man who barely made his way
through Stanford. My office is
desperate for Assistant Prosecutors.

FRANK
You would give me a job?

ROBERT
If you're going to marry Brenda,
it's the least I can do.

FRANK
What would I have to do to take the
bar here in New Orleans?

135 INT. - STATE BAR EXAMINE OFFICE. - NEW ORLEANS. - DAY
135


CLOSE ON
BERKELEY TRANSCRIPTS, co e e with Berkeley Logo and
stationery. Frank hands m th oc ents to a WOMAN sitting
behind a desk, who hands him WUISIANA BAR EXAM.

BAR EXAMI
Good luck, Mister Conno
136 INT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE. - DAY 136 it

SUPER: DECEMBER 26. 1967. AIR FRANCE FLIGHT 676.
Joe Shaye is sitting next to a handcuffed Frank at the back
of the plane. Amdursky and Fox are sitting across from them.

JOE SHAYE
Look at that. They show movies on
planes now. What's next?
Frank and Joe stare at a small MOVIE SCREEN thirty rows in
front of them.

FRANK
Are you gonna eat that eclair?

JOE SHAYE
Yeah. I'm gonna eat it later.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




87.

136 CONTINUED: 136

FRANK
Do you want to split it?

JOE SHAYE
No.
Joe moves his eclair away from Frank.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
You know what I could never figure
out, Frank? How you cheated on the
bar exam in Louisiana.

FRANK
What's the difference?

JOE SHAYE
Did you have somebody else take the
test for you?

FRANK
I'm going to prison for a long time,
Joe? What's t)1 difference?

137 INT. - LOUISIANA DISTRICT ATTORNE OFFICE - DAY 137


III
Frank wears a new TAN SUIT and holds a TAN BRIEFCASE as he
walks through the busy law office with Brenda's father.

ROBERT
You'll be working under Phillip Rigby
in corporate law, handling small
claims made against the state,
trespass-to-try-title suits, most of
it won't get past a pre-trial motion.
Frank looks down at his desk, picks up the nameplate which
reads: FRANK CONNORS, ASSISTANT PROSECUTOR.

ROBERT (CONT'D)
Why don't you settle in, organize
your desk. We're having lunch with
the District Attorney and Governor
Davey at twelve-thirty.
Debbie Zane -




88.

138 INT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - NIGHT 138

Frank, Brenda, Robert and Carol are eating popcorn and
watching an episode of PERRY MASON on a black and white TV.

RAYMOND BURR (ON TV)
But if you were at your office on
the day of the murder, Mr. Darius,
then how could you know your wife
had left the gate open? Your honor,
ladies and gentleman of the jury,
this is irrefutable evidence that
the defendant is lying!
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Romance"]

Summary Frank and Robert discuss Frank's career plans, with Robert offering him a job as an Assistant Prosecutor. Frank agrees to take the Louisiana bar exam and is shown studying for it. Frank and Brenda's family watch an episode of Perry Mason together.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Moderate conflict level
  • Moderate stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, engaging, and emotionally impactful, with strong character development and thematic depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a former con artist trying to rebuild his life as a lawyer while navigating his past and relationships is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot is intriguing and moves the story forward by showing Frank's transition into a new career and his relationship with Brenda and her family.

Originality: 7

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic dilemma of career choices and societal expectations. The characters' interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and relationships that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 7

Frank undergoes significant character development as he transitions from a con artist to a lawyer, and his relationships with Brenda and her family shape his growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to find a career path that aligns with his true passions and talents. He is torn between pursuing law or medicine, and this decision reflects his deeper desires for fulfillment and success.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to secure a job as an Assistant Prosecutor in New Orleans. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of finding a stable career and impressing Brenda's family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is internal conflict within Frank as he grapples with his past and tries to build a new life, as well as external conflict in his relationships with Brenda and her family.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with internal conflicts driving the character dynamics.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, with Frank's reputation and relationships on the line as he tries to leave his criminal past behind and start fresh.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showing Frank's progression in his new career and his evolving relationships, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and plot developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of pursuing one's true passions versus societal expectations. Robert encourages Frank to follow his dreams, while also offering him a job in law, highlighting the tension between personal fulfillment and external pressures.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from nostalgia to hope, as Frank navigates his past mistakes and seeks a fresh start.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, emotional depth, and character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, allowing for natural character interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, making it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character-driven dialogue scenes, allowing for natural character development and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, jumping between different conversations and locations without a strong narrative thread.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with characters exchanging superficial pleasantries and small talk.
  • The transition between scenes is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the story.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in the interactions between Frank, Robert, and Brenda's family.
  • The scene fails to build tension or create a sense of conflict, resulting in a lack of engagement for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or theme for the scene to give it more direction and purpose.
  • Work on creating more meaningful and authentic dialogue that reveals character motivations and emotions.
  • Smooth out the transitions between scenes to create a more cohesive and fluid narrative flow.
  • Add layers to the interactions between characters to deepen their relationships and create more engaging dynamics.
  • Consider adding elements of tension, suspense, or drama to make the scene more compelling and impactful.



Scene 27 -  Premature Celebrations and Legal Mishaps
139 INT. - NEW ORLEANS COURTROOM. - DAY 139

Frank stands in a small, empty courtroom, presenting a case
before a JUDGE AT A PRE-TRIAL HEARING.

FRANK
I have four letters in my hand that
were sent to the defendant's
apartment, ea one warning him that
his buildin to be sprayed with
insecticide, at he should cover
his belonging o honor, ladies
and gentleman t e jury, this is
irrefutable evid e tat the
defendant is lying

JUDGE
Mister Connors, this is reliminary
hearing. There's no defendant, no
jury, it's just me. What the hell is
wrong with you?

140 INT. - NEW ORLEANS COURTROOM CORRIDOR. - DAY 140

Frank walks out of the courtroom, where Robert is waiting
for him.

ROBERT
Well?
Frank starts to smile.

FRANK
Case dismissed!
Frank shakes Robert's hand, and Robert pulls him close and
"' gives him a hug.
Debbie Zane - 5




89.

141 EXT. - NEW ORLEANS GARDEN DISTRICT. - DAY 141

Frank is covering Brenda's eyes with his hands as he slowly
walks her toward the front door of a LARGE HOUSE.

FRANK
Okay. Reach your hand out and feel
that. What do you think it is?
Brenda reaches out and touches a DOORKNOB.

BRENDA
What is it, Frank?

FRANK
It's our front door. I made an offer
today.
Frank removes his hands, and Brenda looks up at the giant,
six bedroom house that sits on a cul-de-sac.

FRANK (CONT'D)
What do you t)k?

BRENDA
It's so big. Are you h e(Q can
afford it?

FRANK
We're gonna have it all, Brenda.

BRENDA
But where will we get the money for
a house like this?

FRANK
The same place everyone gets it. The
bank.

142 EXT. - FRANK'S CADILLAC. -- NIGHT. 142

Frank is parked in front of the airport. He turns to Brenda
and gives her a kiss.

BRENDA
Why do you have to go?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -'.
90.

142 CONTINUED: 142

FRANK
I agreed to speak at this medical
conference six months ago. Your father
understands.
Frank grabs his briefcase and gets out of the car.

BRENDA
Why can't I go with you?

FRANK
Next time. I promise.

143 INT. - AIRPORT. - NIGHT 143

Frank walks into the airport, immediately goes to the MEN'S

ROOM.

144 INT. - AIRPORT MEN'S ROOM. - NIGHT 144

Frank opens his briefcase, pulls out his PILOT'S UNIFORM.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a bizarre courtroom scene, attorney Frank Connors presents an incomprehensible argument, drawing the ire of the judge. Despite corrections, Connors persists in his illogical reasoning until the case is dismissed. He then celebrates prematurely with his client outside the courtroom, oblivious to his professional misstep. Frank and his wife Brenda visit a luxurious home they can't afford, with Frank assuring her they'll secure a bank loan. As Frank drops Brenda off at the airport, he reveals he's leaving for a medical conference dressed in a pilot's uniform, leaving their financial concerns unresolved.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel cliched or predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends different genres and tones, keeping the audience engaged with a mix of suspense, romance, and drama. The emotional impact and character development are strong, making it a compelling watch.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes proposal intertwined with criminal activities and emotional revelations is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with a good balance of suspense, romance, and character interactions. The progression of events keeps the audience invested in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the legal drama genre by intertwining personal relationships with professional challenges. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and undergo significant development in the scene. Their interactions and emotional depth add layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly in their relationships, emotions, and personal growth. These transformations drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove his competence and success to his wife, Brenda, by securing a large house for them. This reflects his desire for financial stability and a better life for his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to win the legal case and have it dismissed. This reflects his professional competence and determination to succeed in his career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily driven by the characters' internal struggles and external circumstances.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges in both his legal case and his personal life, adding complexity and tension to the story.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing personal, romantic, and professional challenges that could have significant consequences for their lives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new developments, resolving conflicts, and setting up future events. It keeps the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the legal case and the protagonist's decision to take risks for his family's future.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in his ability to provide for his family and his willingness to take risks to achieve his goals. This challenges traditional notions of success and financial security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience through the characters' interactions, revelations, and romantic moments. It creates a deep connection with the viewers.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and serves the purpose of advancing the plot and revealing character emotions. It effectively conveys the tension and romance in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the high stakes of the legal case, and the emotional depth of the protagonist's personal life.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing the tension of the legal case with the emotional moments between the characters, creating a compelling narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting adheres to the standard format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The transitions between locations are well-executed.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a legal drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and dialogue flow smoothly, maintaining the audience's interest.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the setting and context. It transitions abruptly from a courtroom to a garden district without a smooth flow.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unrealistic, especially the interaction between Frank and the Judge. It doesn't reflect a typical courtroom scenario.
  • The character development is lacking, especially in Frank's behavior and motivations. His actions and decisions seem inconsistent and not well-defined.
  • The emotional depth of the scene is shallow, with the interactions between characters feeling superficial and lacking in authenticity.
  • There is a lack of visual description and sensory details, making it difficult for the reader to fully immerse themselves in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and background information to set the scene and establish the characters' motivations clearly.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more realistic and reflective of the characters' personalities and the situation at hand.
  • Focus on developing the emotional depth of the scene by exploring the characters' inner thoughts and feelings.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions and sensory details to create a vivid and engaging setting for the readers.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to ensure a smoother transition between locations and events for better coherence.



Scene 28 -  Frank's Counterfeiting Scheme Escalates
145 INT. - PRINTING SUPPLY P. - NEW JERSEY. - DAY 145

Frank wears a black s a PAN AM pin on the lapel. He
stands with the OWNER o e?RINT SHOP.

FRAN
As I stated on the Pan Am has
been unhappy for so t about the
quality of their expe cks.
we're looking for a new m to handle
the printing.

PRINT SHOP OWNER
How large would the order be?

FRANK
About twenty thousand checks a year.

PRINT SHOP OWNER
Oh, God, I want that account.
What do I have to do to get it?

FRANK
For starters, why don't you show me
how you make your checks.
146 INT. - NEW YORK OFFICE BUILDING. - DAY 146

TWO DELIVERY MEN are carrying an I-TEK camera into a small
office, where Frank is setting up a large PASTE-UP BOARD.

(CONTINUED)
tlahhia Tana . 5




91.

146 CONTINUED: 146

FRANK
Just put it anywhere.
They set the camera down, AND WE SLOWLY PULL BACK, see that
Frank has turned this office into his own print shop-

DELIVERY MAN
This stuff is heavy. What kind of
business you in?

FRANK
I make checks for Pan Am.
Frank motions out the window, where WE SEE THE PAN AM
BUILDING
directly across the street.

147 INT. - FRANK'S NEW YORK OFFICE. - LATE 147

Frank is working at the paste-up board, making a 16-by-24
inch copy of a PAN AM EXPENSE CHECK.
WE WATCH AS he takes the check and places it directly under
the lens of the I-TEK C RA.

M
The PLATE ENGRAVING i fib around the drum of the small

PRINTING PRESS-

CLOSE ON
A PAPER CUTER SLICING the edg no<`'A newly printed PAN AM

EXPENSE CHECK.
148 INT. - FBI BUILDING. - WASHINGTON D.C. 148


SUPER: NOVEMBER, 1965
A large, smoked filled conference room, the drapes closed to
block the afternoon sun. JOE SHAYE holds one of Frank's new
checks as he stands before FBI DIRECTOR MARSH, who sits at
the head of a long table. Deputy Director Deevers handles
the introductions.

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
Sir, I've called this briefing to
update you on the Frank Abagnale
situation.

DIRECTOR MARSH
Who?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




92.

148 CONTINUED: 148

7

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
The Skywayman. Agent Shaye from bank
fraud has been the point man on this
case, and I'll let him fill you in.
Joe walks to the front of the room, stands in front of a

SLIDE PROJECTOR.

JOE SHAYE
Director Marsh, Frank Abagnale is no
longer forging checks. He's moved
on to counterfeiting, making his own
Pan Am expense checks from scratch.
Next slide.
The slide changes.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
The amounts have increased to almost
one thousand dollars per check, and
the quality, as you can see, is
virtually flawless.

CTOR MARSH
How much ha' glen so far?

JOE' E
Our latest estim of about three
and a half million s. He's now
the most successful bber in
the history of the Un ates.
DIRECTOR MARSH is holding one of Frank's checks, running his
hands along the printed blue and white surface.

DIRECTOR MARSH
And how close are you to getting
him?

JOE SHAYE
Sir, with your help I feel an arrest
could come at any time. We believe
he could be in New Orleans.

DIRECTOR MARSH
I'll give you thirty more agents and
I'll bump him up to the ten most
wanted list.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




93.

148 CONTINUED: (2) 148

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
Sir, he's only seventeen-years-old.
We've never put a child on the ten
most wanted list before. What are we
gonna tell the President?

DIRECTOR MARSH
The President keeps his money in a
bank. We'll tell him he's fair game
like the rest of us.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank establishes an operation in New York to print counterfeit Pan Am checks and becomes a prolific counterfeiter. The FBI takes notice and adds him to the ten most wanted list despite his young age.
Strengths
  • Detailed depiction of counterfeiting process
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, suspenseful, and sets up a high-stakes conflict between the protagonist and law enforcement, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of counterfeiting checks for a major airline like Pan Am is unique and intriguing, adding depth to the protagonist's criminal activities and the challenges he faces.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, focusing on the protagonist's criminal endeavors and the escalating conflict with law enforcement, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on check forgery and counterfeiting, showcasing the protagonist's ingenuity and manipulation of different environments.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with the protagonist showcasing his cunning and resourcefulness, while law enforcement agents demonstrate determination and focus.

Character Changes: 6

The protagonist's character evolves as he delves deeper into criminal activities and faces increasing challenges from law enforcement.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to establish his credibility and expertise in the field of check forgery and counterfeiting. This reflects his desire for recognition and success in his criminal activities.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure a printing contract with the print shop owner and continue his counterfeiting operation without getting caught by the FBI.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonist's criminal activities and law enforcement's pursuit creates a high level of tension and suspense, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the FBI investigation posing a significant threat to the protagonist's criminal activities.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the protagonist engages in risky criminal activities, facing the threat of capture by law enforcement, adding intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing the protagonist's counterfeiting operation and the escalating conflict with law enforcement.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's ability to manipulate different situations and the uncertainty of whether he will be caught by the FBI.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's moral ambiguity in committing criminal acts for personal gain. It challenges his beliefs about right and wrong, and the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While the scene is more focused on suspense and tension, there are emotional undertones in the protagonist's risky actions and the looming threat of capture.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and serves to advance the plot, with tension-filled exchanges between the protagonist and law enforcement agents.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the protagonist's high-stakes actions, sharp dialogue, and the tension between his criminal activities and the FBI investigation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the protagonist navigates different environments and interacts with various characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on the protagonist's goals.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition or connection from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Frank and the Print Shop Owner feels a bit forced and lacks depth or nuance.
  • The visual descriptions are lacking in detail and fail to create a vivid image of the setting and characters.
  • The introduction of the FBI briefing feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition.
  • The dialogue in the FBI briefing scene is informative but lacks emotional depth or tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to establish continuity.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Frank and the Print Shop Owner to make it more engaging and realistic.
  • Provide more detailed visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting.
  • Introduce the FBI briefing scene in a more gradual and engaging manner to build suspense.
  • Add emotional depth and tension to the dialogue in the FBI briefing scene to make it more impactful.



Scene 29 -  Confrontations and Control
149 INT. - VILLAGE INN BAR. - AFTERNOON 149

Frank walks into the bar wearing a black suit. He sees his
father sitting in the corner wearing a POSTAL UNIFORM and
drinking a beer. The place is filled with the afternoon
regulars, all watching TV. Frank walks up to his Dad and
sets a DIME in front of him.

FRANK
How about a little music, Dad?

FRANK SR.
I took a job. A government job. You
see what I'm doing? Do you have a
good lawyer?

FRANK
Dad, I am a lawyer.

FRANK SR.
Look at this letter.
(handing Frank a letter)
They kicked me out. They took away
my membership at the Rotary Club.
They accused me of terrible things,
made up a list of lies just to keep
me out. I'm gonna sue them, a lifetime
membership is what I have. I have
the plaque, the letters of
congratulations.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -'.




94.

149 CONTINUED: 149

FRANK
Has Mom seen you dressed like that?
FRANK SR.
Your mother doesn't know what she
wants.

FRANK
We'll go out together and get you a
suit. A new black suit. One of those
Manhattan Eagle three button black
pearls.

FRANK SR.
Those are nice. We'll have a drink
first.

FRANK
Dad, I'm getting married in two weeks-
I'm buying a sixty thousand dollar
house, a new Cadillac. I'm getting
it all back, everything they took
from us. I wa you and Mom to come
to the wedd' g ogether.

FRANK
You have to ask herd o ve to
fight for her. Prom is Q u won't
let her see you dressed a this.

FRANK SR.
She won't come, because she just had
a baby.
Frank stares at his father for a long BEAT.
FRANK SR. (cont'd)
A little girl. She had a little girl.

150 INT. - MIDWAY AIRLINES COCKPIT. - NIGHT 150

Frank is clearly upset as he sits in the jump-seat, lost in
thought. The PILOT gets out of his seat, turns back to
Frank.

PILOT
Were leveled off. You mind taking
her for a minute, I need to use the
bathroom.

(CONTINUED)
r,, hhin 7rnn _ r+
95_

150 CONTINUED: 150
Frank stares at the empty seat as the Pilot moves past him.

FRANK
Wait. What are you doing?

PILOT
I need five minutes. I'd do it for
you.
The Pilot walks out of the cockpit, and Frank turns to the

CO-PILOT.

FRANK
He left .

CO-PILOT
He's got an ulcer.
Frank gets out of the JUMP-SEAT, walks over and sits in the
PILOT'S SEAT. He looks at the instruments, the WHEEL moving
on it's own in front of him.
Frank stares out the front wir�r2>;s w' p the cockpit --
the
blackness in front of him - - hi starting to shake as
he slowly reaches up and puts his ds on the wheel --

14

FRANK
Okay. Shut it off.
The Auto-Pilot flips the switch, and Frank holds on for dear
life as he flies the plane into the darkness.

151 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - NIGHT 151

Joe is sleeping in the chair in his office. The phone
rings,
and he quickly answers.

JOE SHAYE (ON PHONE)
This is Shaye.

INTERCUT WITH
Debbie Zane -
96.
l f 152 INT. AIRPORT. - NIGHT 152

FRANK
Hello, Joe. Merry Christmas.
Joe grabs a pad and pencil.

JOE SHAYE
I thought you might call. Where are
you?

FRANK
I don't know, exactly. An airport
somewhere.

JOE SHAYE
What do you want, Doctor Connors?

FRANK
Joe, I haven't been Doctor Connors
for months now.

SHAYE
Fuck you. I' fitting here in my
office on C r -Eve, so just
tell me what o

FRAN
It's over. I want ver now.
I'm getting married.' �Vttling
down.

JOE SHAYE
You've stolen four million dollars. t
You think we're just gonna call it a
wedding present? This isn't something
you get to walk away from, Frank.

FRANK
I want to call a truce

JOE SHAYE
There is no truce. You will be caught,
and you will go to prison. Where did
you think this was going?

FRANK
Please, leave me alone, Joe. I don't
want to do it anymore. Don't make me
do it anymore-

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




97.

152 CONTINUED: 152

JOE SHAYE
I'm close aren't I? You're scared
because I'm getting close. How close
am I?

FRANK
Will you stop chasing me?

JOE SHAYE
I can't stop. This is my job.

FRANK
It's okay, Joe. I just thought I'd
ask.

153 INT. - NEW ORLEANS BALLROOM. - FRENCH QUARTER. - NIGHT
153

MARDI GRAS is in full swing.
A crush of people walking down BOURBON STREET. Joe Shaye is
pushing through the crowd of people, Amdursky and Fox next
to him as he makes his way into the crowd.
Joe motions behind hiWM'fere TWENTY AGENTS quickly split up
and start walking thr ugh Quarter.

CLOSE ON FRANK
Standing on a HOTEL BALCONY aft ourbon Street, wearing a
MASK and watching the FBI AG EIS hey move through the
French Quarter.
JOE SHAYE turns and looks up at the balcony, staring right
at Frank for a BEAT before he continues through the chaos.

154 INT. - HOTEL BALLROOM. - DAY 154

An ENGAGEMENT PARTY is going on - - A HUNDRED PEOPLE IN
ELABORATE COSTUMES AND GOWNS. Brenda, dressed in a mask and
corset, is standing with some girlfriends -- showing them
her engagement ring.
Frank takes off his mask, and WE SEE the fear in his eyes-as
he walks over to Brenda.

FRANK
Come with me.
Debbie Zane -




98.

155 INT. - COAT ROOM. - NEW ORLEANS HOTEL BALLROOM.. - NIGHT
155
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Romance"]

Summary Frank confronts his father about his personal life and learns of a new sibling. Despite his imminent marriage, Frank continues to face pressure from Joe Shaye. As the net closes in, Frank takes drastic action, seizing control of a plane. Meanwhile, Joe Shaye intensifies his pursuit in the vibrant chaos of Mardi Gras. Frank's fate hangs in the balance as he attempts to evade capture and secure his future with Brenda.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Revealing family secrets
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic
  • Potential lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines drama, crime, and romance elements to create a compelling and emotionally charged narrative. The tension between characters, emotional revelations, and hints of redemption make it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family reconciliation, personal redemption, and the consequences of criminal activities are well-developed in the scene. It explores complex themes of forgiveness, second chances, and the desire for a fresh start.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through emotional revelations, character interactions, and hints at the resolution of ongoing conflicts. The scene sets up future developments and adds depth to the characters' arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of family dynamics and personal redemption. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex emotions, conflicting motivations, and deep relationships. The scene delves into their past, present struggles, and future aspirations, adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Frank experiences emotional growth, reconciliation with his father, and hints at a desire for a new beginning. The scene sets up potential character development and changes in future events.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile with his father and mend their strained relationship. This reflects his deeper need for family connection and validation.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to convince his father to attend his wedding and support him. This reflects the immediate challenge of repairing their relationship and gaining his father's approval.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal conflicts within the characters, emotional tension, and hints at external conflicts related to past actions and ongoing investigations. The reunion between Frank and his father adds a layer of conflict and resolution.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and emotions driving the conflict between Frank and his father. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their confrontation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Frank as he confronts his past, seeks redemption, and faces the consequences of his actions. The scene sets up potential risks, challenges, and emotional turmoil for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information, setting up future conflicts, and deepening the characters' arcs. It hints at upcoming developments and resolutions in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and emotional twists that occur between the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around family loyalty and forgiveness. Frank's belief in the importance of family contrasts with his father's sense of betrayal and injustice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, including tension, sadness, hope, and reflection. The revelations, character interactions, and personal struggles create a deep emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is emotional, tense, and reflective, capturing the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting emotions. It adds depth to the interactions and reveals important information about the characters' past and present.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the tension between them, and the high stakes involved in their interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional intensity, with well-timed pauses and moments of reflection that enhance the character dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a traditional format for character-driven dialogue scenes, focusing on the emotional dynamics between the characters and advancing the plot through their interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between the different locations and timeframes, making it confusing for the audience to follow.
  • The dialogue between Frank and his father feels disjointed and lacks emotional depth, especially considering the significant revelations about Frank's mother and new sister.
  • The scene jumps abruptly from Frank's conversation with his father to him sitting in the cockpit of a plane, creating a jarring shift in focus.
  • The interaction between Frank and Joe Shaye over the phone lacks tension and emotional impact, considering the gravity of the situation.
  • The scene fails to build suspense or maintain a consistent tone, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding smoother transitions between the different locations and timeframes to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the dialogue between Frank and his father to make the revelations about his family more impactful.
  • Provide more context and build-up to Frank's decision to take control of the plane, as it currently feels rushed and lacks tension.
  • Revise the conversation between Frank and Joe Shaye to increase the stakes and emotional intensity of their interaction.
  • Work on maintaining a consistent tone throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.



Scene 30 -  Unveiled Deception and a Hasty Escape
Frank pulls Brenda into the COAT ROOM. They are surrounded
by fur coats, expensive black overcoats, a row of black
hats.
Brenda kisses him.

BRENDA
Frank, can you believe this party is
for us?

FRANK
We have to leave, Brenda. You love
me, right? I mean, you would love me
no matter what?

BRENDA
Of course.

FRANK
If I was poor, or sick, or if T' had
a different name.
A name means n i g, right? My
name is Frank Co �s. That's who I
am with you. We al secrets.
Sometimes when I tr 1 use the
name Frank Williams t r� my secret.

BRENDA
Frank Williams?

FRANK
It means nothing -- Frank Williams,
Frank Black -- when I'm with you,
I'm Frank Connors -- that's all that
matters.

BRENDA
Why are you saying this?

FRANK
Brenda, I don't want to lie anymore.
I'm not a doctor. I never went to
medical school.
Brenda smiles, thinks he's joking.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




99.

155 CONTINUED: 155

FRANK (CONT'D)
And I'm not a lawyer or a Harvard
graduate or a Lutheran. I ran away
from home a year and a half ago when
I was sixteen.

BRENDA
Stop teasing me, Frank. You're Frank
Connors, right? You're Frank Connors
and you're 28-years-old. Why would
you lie to me?
Brenda turns to Frank, trying not to get upset.

BRENDA (CONT'D)
Frank, what's your name? I want you
to tell me your name.
FRANK
We'll go to Liverpool. We can live
there, Brenda, you and I can live
wherever we want. I have money, enough
for the rest our lives. But you're
gonna have ust me. Do you trust
me? Do you 1ov,
I love you.

FRANK
No matter what. Even ave to
live in Liverpool, or I a
different name -- you'll still love

II
me?

BRENDA

(UPSET)
I love you, Frank. I love you.

FRANK
But we'll never tell anyone the truth.
You can't tell you parents.

BRENDA
No. We won't tell anyone. And we'll
go away. I don't care if I ever see
my parents again. I just want to be
with you.

FRANK
We'll leave tonight.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




100.

155 CONTINUED: (2) 155

BRENDA
But the wedding is next month. It's
all planned. We can leave right after
the reception, just like a honeymoon.

FRANK
No, we have to leave today. I'll
pick you up at your parents house in
two hours.

BRENDA
Two hours?

FRANK
We'll get married in Liverpool. Would
you like that?

BRENDA
Yes. I love you, Frank. But please,
before we go -- tell me your name.

156 INT. - FRANK'S APARTMENT. - NEW ORLEANS. - NIGHT 156

Frank is packing a su e with HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS. He is
trying to get the sui close, sitting on top of it --
the money spilling out s.

157
A heavy rain is falling as Fr es toward Brenda's
parents' house. As he turns ont street, HE SEES FIVE
PATROL CARS parked in front of th use. Neighbors have
lined the street, and TWO STATE TROOPERS are guarding the
front of the house with SHOTGUNS.
FRANK stops the car, stares in stunned disbelief at the
police
in front of the house.
Sirens are wailing in the distance as Frank puts his head on
the steering wheel and closes his eyes.

158 INT. - BRENDA'S PARENTS' HOUSE. - NIGHT. 158

Robert and Carol are sitting in the living room with Brenda,
holding her in their arms as two POLICE OFFICERS stand
across
from them. Brenda is crying, holding her cat as Joe Shaye
kneels in front of her.

JOE SHAYE
Hello, Brenda. My name is Joe Shaye,
and I'm with the FBI.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5
101.

158 CONTINUED: 158
Brenda keeps her face buried in her father's shirt.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
That's a pretty cat. What's his
name?

BRENDA
Ringo.

JOE SHAYE
I know this is all a bit scary, but
I need you to tell me where Frank is
going. A lot of people are looking
for him out there, and the last thing
we want is for Frank to get hurt.
And I swear to you, Brenda, if you
tell me where he's going -- I'll
keep him safe.

BRENDA
You promise?

J SHAPE
Yes. I prom" e Just tell me where
he's going.
Liverpool.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Crime"]

Summary Frank confesses his true identity and deceit to Brenda, requesting her trust and proposing a hasty escape to Liverpool. Brenda, initially distraught, consents to accompany him. They are forced to depart immediately, prompting Frank to rush to Brenda's residence. However, upon arrival, he encounters law enforcement presence, leaving him bewildered and the outcome uncertain.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Revealing dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of subtlety in the confession scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally charged, with a significant revelation that changes the course of the story and the characters' lives.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of identity, deception, and the consequences of one's actions are central to this scene.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a major turn with Frank's confession and the decision to leave everything behind, setting up a new direction for the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of identity and deception, blending romance with suspense as Frank's secrets unravel. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Frank and Brenda, undergo significant development as their relationship faces a major challenge.

Character Changes: 9

Frank undergoes a significant character change by revealing his true identity and deciding to leave everything behind with Brenda.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to reveal his true identity and past to Brenda, seeking her unconditional love and acceptance despite his lies.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to escape with Brenda to Liverpool and start a new life together, away from his past and the authorities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The internal conflict within Frank and the external conflict of facing the consequences of his actions create tension in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Frank facing the consequences of his lies and the threat of authorities discovering his true identity, creating suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Frank and Brenda face the consequences of their actions and make a life-changing decision.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major turning point and setting up new challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable as Frank's true identity is gradually revealed, adding suspense and tension to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around honesty and identity. Frank struggles with his true self and the lies he has told Brenda, questioning if love can withstand deception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The emotional impact is high as Frank's confession and Brenda's reaction evoke strong feelings of love, betrayal, and fear.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing deep emotions and inner conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, suspenseful revelations, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in Frank and Brenda's relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, leading to a dramatic revelation and cliffhanger ending.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted appropriately for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue, enhancing readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional dramatic structure, building tension through dialogue and character revelations, leading to a climactic moment of truth.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a smooth transition between Frank revealing his true identity to Brenda and the sudden shift to him packing money and seeing police cars outside Brenda's parents' house.
  • The emotional impact of Frank's confession to Brenda about his true identity could be heightened with more depth and exploration of their relationship.
  • The dialogue between Frank and Brenda feels rushed and could benefit from more emotional depth and authenticity to make the scene more impactful.
  • The sudden introduction of the police cars and the FBI agents at Brenda's parents' house feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the narrative flow.
  • There is a lack of visual description and emotional depth in the scene, making it feel rushed and lacking in impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth and authenticity to the dialogue between Frank and Brenda to enhance the impact of Frank's confession.
  • Provide a smoother transition between Frank revealing his true identity to Brenda and the introduction of the police cars outside Brenda's parents' house.
  • Explore the emotional dynamics between Frank and Brenda in more detail to create a more engaging and impactful scene.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions and emotional depth in the scene to create a more immersive and emotionally resonant experience for the audience.
  • Consider pacing the scene more effectively to allow for a more gradual buildup of tension and emotional impact.



Scene 31 -  Frank's Escape Attempt
159 INT. - NEW ORLEANS AIRPORT. 159

Frank is walking through an airpo /He rushes over to a TWA
TICKET COUNTER that is closing down for the night.

FRANK
Are there any more flights tonight?

TICKET AGENT
I'm sorry, Sir, there's nothing until
morning. This airport shuts down at
eleven.

160 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - MIAMI. - DAY 160
Joe Shaye stands in front of TWENTY FBI AGENTS, pacing.

JOE SHAYE
We have to stop him before he leaves
the country. I want everyone we have
inside Miami International. He's
used that airport before, he knows

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




102.

160 CONTINUED: 160
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
the layout. One way or another, he'll
end up there.

FOX
He doesn't have a passport, Joe.

JOE SHAYE
In the last six months he's gone to
Harvard and Berkeley -- I'm betting
he can get a passport.

AMDURSKY
I already talked to the Miami police,
they've offered fifty uniformed cops
in two shifts of twenty-five.

FOX
Joe, with our guys that's almost a
hundred men in one airport. Don't
you think we should spread it around.

SHAYE
No. Miami i h'ff exit point. Now all
we have to o tch him.

161 INT. - HALL OF RECORDS. " I I - DAY 161
0
Frank walks into the HALL OF

FRANK
Excuse me. Where do you p the
death records?

162 INT. - STATE DEATH RECORDS ARCHIVE ROOM. - DAY 162

Frank is looking through a thick book. All of the entries
are for 1938, and Frank is quickly scanning pages. He stops
when he sees the following entry.

FRANK TAYLOR BORN DEC. 3. 1938. DIED DEC. 8 1938.

AGE -- FIVE DAYS. MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME - PENNER.

163 INT. - BIRTH CERTIFICATE OFFICES. - CITY HALL. 163

Frank walks up to a window at MIAMI CITY HALL and smiles at
the WOMAN behind the counter.

FRANK
Hello. I'd like to get a copy of my
birth certificate, please.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




103.

163 CONTINUED: 163

CITY HALL WOMAN
I'll need your name, date of birth,
mother's maiden name and the county
and hospital you were born in_

FRANK
The name is Frank Taylor. I was born
December 3, 1938, in Tampa.

164 INT. - PASSPORT OFFICE. - FEDERAL BUILDING. - MIAMI. 164
Frank walks up to the window at the passport office.

FRANK (CONT'D)
I'd like to get a passport, please.

PASSPORT EMPLOYEE 11.
Have you ever had a passport before?

FRANK
Never.

P PORT EMPLOYEE
I'll need a 0 0 of your birth
certificate.

F \\ /,
I brought it wit h=- �Si�
Frank takes the birth certifi ed' of his pocket and sets
it on the counter.

FRANK (CONT'D)
Will this take long. I'm trying to
catch a flight.

165 INT. - FONTAINEBLEAU HOTEL. - MIAMI. - DAY 165


A NEW PASSPORT
sits on a desk in the plush, PENTHOUSE SUITE of the
FONTAINEBLEAU HOTEL. Frank stands at the window looking out
at a perfect Miami sunset as he talks on the phone.

FRANK (ON PHONE)
This is Frank Taylor, and I'm letting
all the universities in the area
know that Pan Am will be initiating
a new recruiting program this year.
I'll be stopping by your campus
tomorrow morning.
Debbie Zane - '•




104.
166 EXT. - UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI. - DAY 166

Frank wears his pilots uniform and carries a black briefcase
as he walks past a group of students who are protesting the
war.

167 INT. - GYMNASIUM. - UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI. - DAY 167

Three hundred students, ALL FEMALE, sit on the bleachers of
a gymnasium staring up at MR. HENDRICKS, the DIRECTOR OF

STUDENT PLACEMENT.

MR. HENDRICKS
Ladies, quiet down, please. As you
all know, Pan Am has sent 'a pilot
here to interview prospective
stewardesses for a new Summer
internship program. This is Captain
Taylor, and he'll be talking to you
today.
Frank stands in front of the girls, who suddenly get very
quiet.

F
Thank you all ing. At the end
of the day Ill icking eight
young ladies to of Pan Am's
first "future stew ' flight
crew program. Thes Ai girls
will accompany me on onth
public relations tour o rope this
Summer, where they will learn first
hand what it takes to be a Pan Am
stewardess.

168 EXT. - MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. - DAY 168

WE SEE FBI AGENTS, UNIFORMED COPS, UNDERCOVER COPS and local
detectives all taking their positions in and around the
airport. it looks like they're preparing for war, and Joe
Shaye is in the middle of it all.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank arrives in New Orleans and learns there are no more flights to Miami. At the FBI offices in Miami, Special Agent Joe Shaye briefs agents to apprehend Frank at Miami International Airport. Frank obtains false ID documents and impersonates a Pan Am pilot to select university students for a fake internship. The FBI prepares for Frank's arrival with heavy security at the airport.
Strengths
  • Intense pacing
  • High-stakes conflict
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Frank navigates through various locations to secure a new identity and passport, showcasing his cunning and determination.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Frank trying to escape the FBI by obtaining a new identity and passport is engaging and drives the plot forward with high stakes.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, focusing on Frank's attempts to outsmart the authorities and escape capture, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the investigative thriller genre by blending elements of personal discovery with professional ambition. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Frank, are portrayed as complex and resourceful, adding depth to the scene and enhancing the tension.

Character Changes: 6

Frank undergoes a subtle transformation as he adopts a new identity and takes decisive actions to evade capture, showcasing his adaptability and resourcefulness.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to uncover information about his past, as seen through his search for death records, birth certificates, and his own identity. This reflects his deeper need for self-discovery and understanding of his origins.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to obtain a passport and secure a position as a pilot for Pan Am. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating bureaucratic processes and achieving his career aspirations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Frank and the FBI agents is intense and drives the action forward, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Frank facing bureaucratic obstacles, law enforcement scrutiny, and personal challenges in his quest for information and career advancement. The audience is left wondering how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Frank races against time to secure a new identity and passport while being pursued by the FBI, adding a sense of danger and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and setting up the next phase of the narrative, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Frank's search for information and the challenges he faces in achieving his goals. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of his decisions and the obstacles he encounters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of identity, deception, and ambition. Frank's actions and decisions challenge his beliefs about his past and his future.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes tension and anxiety in the audience, but the emotional depth is not as pronounced compared to the high-stakes chase.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is concise and serves the purpose of advancing the plot and revealing character motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines suspenseful moments, character development, and plot progression to keep the audience invested in Frank's journey. The high stakes and fast-paced action maintain the viewer's interest.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum throughout Frank's journey. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the settings and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a coherent progression of events. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the storytelling.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth in character development and emotional impact. There is a lack of internal conflict or personal stakes for the characters, making it feel superficial.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth and emotional resonance. It serves the purpose of moving the plot forward but does not engage the audience on a deeper level.
  • The scene transitions between different locations and characters too abruptly, making it feel disjointed and lacking in cohesion.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the psychological and emotional turmoil of the characters, especially Frank, as he navigates the complexities of his criminal activities and personal relationships.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal and do not effectively create a vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to the characters by exploring their internal conflicts, motivations, and emotional journeys. This will make the scene more engaging and relatable to the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reflect the emotional complexity of the characters and their relationships. Focus on creating authentic and meaningful interactions that reveal deeper layers of the characters.
  • Improve the transitions between locations and characters by creating smoother segues that maintain the flow of the scene and enhance the overall coherence.
  • Include more visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the settings and characters, creating a more immersive and engaging experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding moments of introspection and reflection for the characters, especially Frank, to delve into the psychological impact of his actions and decisions.



Scene 32 -  Preparing for Takeoff
169 INT. - INTERVIEW ROOM. - UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI. - DAY 169

Frank sits behind a desk holding a notebook as he INTERVIEWS
a young FEMALE STUDENT.

FRANK
Judy, what does the word "abroad"
mean to you?
(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




105.

169 CONTINUED: 169

JUDY
When I hear the word abroad, I think
of crossing the ocean and traveling
to distant lands.

FRANK
Thank you.

170 INT. - INTERVIEW ROOM. - LATE 170

Frank has drawn a picture of an AIRPLANE ON A CHALKBOARD. He
is pointing to various sections of the plane.

FRANK
And what's this, Monica?

MONICA
The wing.

FRANK
Very good- And this?
The tail.
Excellent.

171 INT. - GYMNASIUM. - DAY 171

This is the moment of truth. Al ` - We0birls are standing,
and
Frank is reading from a list.

FRANK
Debra Jo McMillian.
DEBRA JO comes screaming out from the sea of girls, hugging
friends and crying as if she had just won the Ms. America
Pageant.

FRANK (CONT'D)
Heather Shack.
HEATHER SHACK screams and rushes into Debra Jo's arms, the
two girls screaming as Frank continues to announce the
winners.

172 EXT. - MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. - DAY 172

Miami Police Officers are spread out in front of the
airport,
looking bored as they drink coffee and pace back and forth.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




106.

172 CONTINUED: 172
A STATION WAGON pulls up to the front of the airport, and
TWO COPS WATCH as EIGHT BEAUTIFUL COLLEGE GIRLS walk out,
all dressed as flight attendants, all holding luggage.
The cops never even glance at Frank, who stands in the
middle
of the girls as they walk into the airport.

173 INT_ - MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. - DAY 173
Frank walks through the packed terminal surrounded by the
EIGHT GIRLS, all walking in stride, their hair and make-up
perfect, every man in the airport turning to stare.
Frank and the girls walk past TWO FBI AGENTS, who can't help
but smile at the girls -- who in turn smile back.

FBI AGENT #1'
Did you see that blonde in front?

FBI AGENT #2
I should've been a pilot.

174 INT. - MIAMI AIRPORT COE SHOP. - DAY 174

Joe Shaye is sitting '1n FEE SHOP that looks down over
the entire INTERNATIONA R 1AL. HE HEARS an announcement
over the airport P.A. sy

P.A. O (V.0.)
Will Mr. Joe Shaye k a white
courtesy phone. Mr. J e, please
pick up a white courtes one.
in the distance, JOE watches as the eight girls walk toward
him. He hesitates for a BEAT, then walks to the back of the
restaurant and finds a WHITE PHONE.

JOE SHAYE
This is Shaye.

INTERCUT WITH

175 INT. - MIAMI AIRPORT TICKETING AREA. - DAY 175


AMDURSKY
Joe, you're walkie talkie wasn't
working. There's a guy in a Pan Am
uniform sitting in a white Cadillac
in front of terminal J!

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




107.

175 CONTINUED: 175

JOE SHAYE
That's the charter terminal. Can you'
see his face?

AMDURSKY
He's got his Pilot's cap on. I think
it's him!

176 INT. - AIRPORT. - DAY 176

Joe Shaye is running through the airport, sprinting past
Frank and the college girls as he makes his way outside.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank interviews students and selects eight college girls as flight attendants. The girls walk through the airport, attracting attention. Joe Shaye receives a call about a suspicious man and rushes out of the airport.
Strengths
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Clear goal and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic
  • Emotional depth could be further explored

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds suspense and tension, keeping the audience engaged with the cat-and-mouse game between Frank and the FBI agents. The stakes are high, and the scene sets up a thrilling chase sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young con artist trying to escape capture by impersonating a pilot at the airport is unique and intriguing. The scene effectively showcases Frank's cunning and resourcefulness in evading the authorities.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear goal of Frank trying to escape the FBI agents at the airport. The scene moves the story forward by setting up a high-stakes chase sequence.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the typical airport setting by incorporating elements of mystery, law enforcement, and college girls. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Frank and Joe Shaye, are well-defined and their motivations are clear. Frank's deception and Joe's determination to catch him create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 6

While Frank's character undergoes some development as he navigates the high-pressure situation, the changes are not significant in this scene. More character growth could enhance the impact.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully navigate through the airport and complete a mission involving the college girls and law enforcement officers. This reflects his desire for adventure, challenge, and accomplishment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to locate a man in a Pan Am uniform sitting in a white Cadillac in front of terminal J at the airport. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Frank and the FBI agents is intense and drives the scene forward. The high stakes and the race against time create a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from law enforcement, college girls, and the mysterious man in the Pan Am uniform. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, with Frank's freedom on the line as he tries to evade capture by the authorities. The tension is palpable, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the climax of the chase sequence and escalating the conflict between Frank and the FBI agents.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns, such as the appearance of the college girls in flight attendant costumes and the revelation of the man in the Pan Am uniform. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist will handle these challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's sense of duty and the potential danger he may face in confronting the man in the Pan Am uniform. This challenges his beliefs about law enforcement and personal safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits tension and anxiety from the audience as they root for either Frank or the FBI agents. However, the emotional depth could be further explored to enhance the impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is functional, serving to move the plot forward and convey necessary information. It could be more dynamic and reflective of the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines elements of mystery, action, and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's mission and the outcome of the story. The fast-paced dialogue and dynamic interactions between characters add to the overall excitement.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that keeps the story moving forward at a brisk pace. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and engages the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a coherent progression of events. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene transitions between different locations and events quite abruptly, which can make it challenging for the audience to follow the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue between Frank and the female students feels a bit forced and lacks depth, making it difficult to connect with the characters.
  • The visual descriptions are lacking in detail, which could enhance the overall atmosphere and setting of the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or character development, making it feel somewhat flat and disconnected from the larger narrative.
  • The introduction of the college girls as flight attendants feels stereotypical and could benefit from more nuanced and realistic portrayals.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on one key location or event to improve coherence.
  • Enhance the dialogue to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Add more descriptive details to create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
  • Develop the emotional journey of the characters to create a more compelling and relatable storyline.
  • Avoid cliches and stereotypes in character introductions to create more authentic and dynamic interactions.



Scene 33 -  Mystery and Reunion
177 EXT. - MIAMI AIRPORT - WHITE CADILLAC. - DAY 177

FORTY FBI AGENTS and MIAMI POLICE OFFICERS slowly approach
the white Cadillac. Joe Shaye has his gun drawn.

JOE SHAYE
Frank, get out of the car! Put your
hands on the hood! There's no place
to run, so just make it easy on
yourself!
The car door opens, aMd YEAR-OLD kid gets out of the
car, his hands shaking s e(jtares at Joe -- the pilot's
cap falling off his head.

KID
Don't shoot me ! I ' m\§ ,s` ' ,driver!
A man paid me a hundr ars to
wear this uniform and p someone
up at the airport!

II

JOE SHAYE
who are you picking up?

KID
Joe Shaye.
Joe lowers his gun, immediately turns back toward theairport
--
watches as a BRITISH AIRWAYS JET takes off and flies
overhead,
banking left and sailing out over the ocean.

178 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - WASHINGTON D.C. - DAY 178

Snow is falling outside Joe's office window, which overlooks
a parking lot. Joe sits at his desk staring down at some
COUNTERFEIT CHECKS. A SECRETARY WALKS in and hands him an
envelope.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




108.

178 CONTINUED: 178
SECRETARY
This just came for you, Sir. Who do
you know in Liverpool?
Joe takes the envelope and slowly opens it. He pulls out a
stack of BLACK AND WHITE PHOTOGRAPHS, all of which show the
EIGHT COLLEGE GIRLS in various locations. There are shots of
them on the SPANISH STEPS IN ROME, at the EIFFEL TOWER, in
front of BUCKINGHAM PALACE, and in front of SCOTLAND YARD.
A POSTCARD OF THE MONA LISA is inside the envelope, with the
words "WISH YOU WERE HERE" written across the back.

179 EXT. - MONTPELIER FRANCE. - DAY 179

The vineyards of Montpelier stretch across the Bas Languedoc
valley, where tourists drive through on their way to the
Mediterranean. Frank is eating an ice cream as he walks down
the main street, the shops and restaurants open and busy for
the summer. Frank stops a DELIVERY BOY on a bicycle.

FRANK
Excuse me. Do u know where the
Lavalier fa lives?

180 EXT. - LAVALIER HOME. 180

Frank is knocking on the dbe Oo the main house of a small
vineyard. MONIQUE LAVALIER, answers the front door
holding a baby.

FRANK
Hello. Do you speak English?
Monique nods.

FRANK (CONT'D)
My name is Frank. My mother is Paula
Lavalier. I was hoping to find my
family.
Monique takes Frank by the hand, starts to smile.

MONIQUE
I am Monique, your aunt.
Monique hugs him, kisses his cheeks.

MONIQUE (CONT'D)

(IN FRENCH)
Pappa! Paula's boy is here!
Debbie Zane - 5
109.

181 INT. - LAVALIER HOME. - DINNER TABLE. - LATE 181

The entire family is sitting around the dinner table,
staring
at Frank as he takes a sip of wine.

FRANK
It's very good wine.
The family starts to laugh at him.

FRANK (CONT'D)
What?

MARCEL
The wine here is shit. This valley
only grows shit wine. It is used for
stretching.

FRANK
What's stretching?

MONIQUE
They send our ne by truck to the
famous vine r of Bordeaux and
Burgundy, a d mix it with the
good wine to r (he people.

PAPP
The Americans thi
only the best. But
drinking the shit fro
Everyone laughs hysterically, and Frank joins in, the family
laughing together as they eat Sunday dinner.

182 INT. - LAVALIER HOME. - NIGHT. 182

Frank is sitting in the living room staring at a photo
album.
He sees the old picture of his mother and father sitting on
the American tank.

MONIQUE
Here. Your mother sent me this to me
a few months ago.
Monique hands Frank a color photograph. Frank looks at the
picture, sees Paula standing with Jack Wright, holding a
BABY in her arms.

MONIQUE (CONT'D)
You look like your new sister.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




110.

182 CONTINUED: 182
Frank stares at the picture, then hands the picture back to
Monique.

FRANK
Everyone says that.

183 INT. - UNIVERSITY OF MONTPELIER. - DAY 183

Frank walks into a large classroom filled with COLLEGE
FRESHMAN. He turns and writes his name on the blackboard:

MR. WAGNER.

FRANK
My name is Frank Wagner, and I'll be
teaching the Summer session of
American History, the same course I
taught at Yale last year. Why don't
you all open your books to chapter
one, read quietly to yourselves.

184 INT. - LAVALIER HOUSE. - NIGHT 184

The family is eating di r together, and Frank looks
surprised as Pappa La r brings a birthday cake out from
the kitchen. As every nS is to sing-..
F o.)
Dear Dad. I'm re ad %ow, living a
quiet life in a sm lage in
France. I hope you g well,
and you're not mad at running
away.
Frank blows out the candles on the cake.
FRANK (V.0.) (cont'd)
Yesterday was my 19th birthday, and
when I blew out the candles I wished
that we could all be together, the
three of us living in our old house
in New Rochelle.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary FBI agent Joe Shaye investigates the disappearance of college girls while Frank reunites with his family in France, discovering his connection to the missing girls through his mother's past. As Joe receives photos of the missing girls, Frank learns about the wine industry and celebrates his birthday with his family, unaware of the sinister mystery unfolding.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Reflective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines emotional depth, suspense, and reflection, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family reunion, reflection on past mistakes, and a sense of hope for the future is well-executed and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Frank's reunion with his family, adding emotional depth and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the protagonist's search for family and uncovers unexpected twists in the investigation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Frank, are well-developed and show growth and vulnerability in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Frank undergoes significant emotional growth and reflection in the scene, leading to a deeper understanding of his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find his family and reconnect with his roots. This reflects his deeper need for belonging and identity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to uncover the truth about his family history and the counterfeit checks. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict is more internal and emotional rather than external, focusing on Frank's past mistakes and his desire for redemption.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from both external forces and internal conflicts. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are more personal and emotional in this scene, focusing on Frank's internal struggles and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Frank's past and his relationships, adding depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the emotional revelations about the protagonist's family history.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for family connection and the deception and criminal activities he uncovers. This challenges his beliefs about trust and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the reunion, reflection, and hope portrayed.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is emotional and reflective, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of suspense, emotion, and cultural exploration. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey and invested in uncovering the truth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions. It transitions smoothly between different settings and plot points.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition between the previous events and the current situation at the Miami airport, making it feel disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Joe Shaye and the young kid in the white Cadillac could be more intense and dramatic to heighten the tension of the scene.
  • The visual description of the scene could be enhanced to create a more vivid and engaging image for the reader.
  • The introduction of the envelope with the black and white photographs and postcard feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous events, making the scene feel disjointed.
  • The transition to Montpelier, France, feels sudden and could benefit from a smoother segue to maintain the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief recap or transition to connect the events at the airport with Joe Shaye's office in Washington D.C. for better continuity.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Joe Shaye and the young kid to increase the suspense and drama of the scene.
  • Provide more detailed and immersive visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the setting and characters.
  • Integrate the introduction of the envelope with the black and white photographs more seamlessly into the narrative to avoid a jarring shift in focus.
  • Smooth out the transition to Montpelier, France, by incorporating a more gradual segue to maintain the flow of the story.



Scene 34 -  The Master of Forgery
185 EXT. - LAVALIER HOUSE. - DAY 185

Frank is working in the garden, surrounded by roses. Monique
walks out of the house.

MONIQUE
I have to pick Pappa up, his car is
dead. Come with me, Frank, you can
see where he works?
Debbie Zane - 5




186 EXT. - WAREHOUSE. - OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN. - DAY 186

Frank and Monique pull up to the front of a large warehouse.

FRANK
What is this place?

MONIQUE
The family business.

FRANK
I thought the family business was
wine?

MONIQUE
No. Paper.

187 INT. - PRINT SHOP. - DAY 187


CLOSE ON A PROFESSIONAL PRINTING PRESS, 90 FEET LONG, TEN

FEET WIDE.
The giant machine fills warehouse. SIX MEN work in the
massive press room, t r afening THUMP of the machine
shaking
the walls as it strugYle, it out 10 COLOR PAGES a minute.
WE SEE samples of their ning the walls -- FRENCH

NEWSPAPERS, COLOR POSTER RTISEMENTS.

CLOSE ON FRANK
staring up at the giant PRINTIN his body limp, h is
face cold. Pappa Lavalier, shift and smoking, walks
toward him with a big smile.

PAPPA
What do you think?

FRANK
I've read books about these machines.
But I've never seen one.

PAPPA
You want me to show you how it works?

FRANK
Yes.

PAPPA
For color printing we set the back
gears, then put the plates in up-
side-down, pour the ink in last,

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




112.

187 CONTINUED: 187

PAPPA (CONT'D)
never when it's cold, then we roll
the cylinder brakes until they
catch...
CLOSE ON FRANK
Lost in his own world, his mind racing as he stares at every
part of the machine -- his eyes cold with excitement and
dread.

188 INT. - PRINTING ROOM. - NIGHT 188

The PRINTING PRESS is thumping and grinding, the lights low,
the press room empty except for Frank, who stands at one end
of the machine, his shirt off, working like a man obsessed
as he operates the massive press by himself -- THOUSANDS OF

PERFECT BLUE AND WHITE PAN AM CHECKS SLIDING OFF THE PAPER

ROLLS AND DROPPING TO THE FLOOR.

189 INT. - LAVALIER HOUSE. - MONTPELIER. - NIGHT 189

Frank reaches into the k of the closet and pulls out his
PILOT'S UNIFORM. As h s ps on the jacket, Monique walks in
and turns on the light. i ees his suitcase on the bed.

FRANK
I don't know.

190 INT. - FBI OFFICE. - WASHINGTON.

Joe Shaye is sitting in his office trying to use an electric
pencil sharpener, which is broken. As Joe pulls out a half-
eaten pencil, Fox and Amdursky walk in holding an envelope,
big smiles on their faces.

AMDURSKY
Joe...he cashed a check in Madrid.

191 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - WASHINGTON D.C. - DAY 191

Joe, Wilkes, Amdursky and Fox are facing Director Marsh, a
stack of checks on the desk in front of him.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




113.
191 CONTINUED: 191

JOE SHAYE
Singapore. Australia. South America:'
Egypt. He's also hit almost every
major bank in Europe.

FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
How many checks?

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
Thousands.

FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
Why wasn't I called?

JOE SHAYE
Nobody was called, Sir. The banks
didn't know what was happening until
last week. We think he's been on the
run for five months.

FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
That's impossible. Pan Am would have
called us.
They didn't c
forging -- and
counterfeiting.

JOE SHAYE
He's making real checks, Sir. These
are so perfect, Pan Am cashed them
all.

FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
where is he?

JOE SHAYE
The last check was cashed in Paris a
week ago. He'll stay there another
week before he moves on. We have to
go now, Sir, today!

FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
Go where?

JOE SHAYE
Paris.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -
114.

191 CONTINUED: (2) 191

FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
I'm sorry, Joe. If we couldn't catch'
him here, we're not gonna catch him
there.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank Abagnale learns the intricacies of printing counterfeit checks, becoming an expert forger. As he exhibits his mastery over the press, the FBI unveils his fraudulent activities across the globe.
Strengths
  • Complex plot development
  • Tension-building
  • Character depth and development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Pacing in certain scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a high-stakes situation with Frank's counterfeit operation and the FBI's pursuit. It also delves into the emotional dynamics within Frank's family, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young con artist involved in a sophisticated counterfeit operation while being pursued by the FBI is engaging and well-executed. It adds layers of complexity to the character and the overall plot.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate and well-developed, with multiple storylines converging to create a sense of urgency and suspense. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets up important conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting of a family-owned print shop, explores the technical aspects of printing, and delves into the contrast between traditional and modern business practices. The dialogue and character actions feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Frank, are compelling and multi-dimensional. Their interactions and motivations drive the narrative forward and add depth to the overall story.

Character Changes: 7

Frank undergoes significant internal changes as he grapples with his criminal activities, family dynamics, and the pursuit of the FBI. His decisions and revelations drive the character development in the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal in this scene is to understand and learn about the printing press. This reflects his curiosity, interest in machinery, and desire to explore new things.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to assist Pappa in operating the printing press and potentially learn more about the family business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the tension and suspense. The conflicts between Frank, his family, and the FBI create high stakes and propel the story forward.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the contrast between traditional and modern business practices providing a small obstacle for Frank to navigate. The audience is left wondering how Frank will reconcile these conflicting values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Frank's counterfeit operation, the FBI's pursuit, and the emotional dynamics within his family all reaching critical points. The outcome of these conflicts will have significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key plot points, conflicts, and character developments. It sets up important events and resolutions that will impact the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of the family business being a print shop instead of a winery. The audience is kept on their toes by the contrast between traditional and modern practices.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the contrast between traditional family businesses (like wine) and modern industrial practices (like paper printing). This challenges Frank's perception of his family's business and his role within it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to empathy and intrigue. The complex relationships and high-stakes situations add emotional depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the tension and emotions of the characters. It provides insight into their relationships and motivations, enhancing the overall scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its detailed descriptions, character dynamics, and the exploration of the printing press. The audience is drawn into the industrial world and Frank's journey of discovery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and curiosity as Frank explores the printing press and learns about the family business. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions. It effectively transitions between different settings and maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Frank working in the garden to visiting the family business without a clear connection or smooth transition.
  • The dialogue between Frank and Monique at the warehouse feels a bit forced and lacks depth in terms of character development.
  • The description of the printing press and Frank's interaction with Pappa Lavalier is detailed but may be overly technical and could benefit from more emotional depth.
  • The scene where Frank operates the printing press alone at night is intriguing, but the focus on the technical aspects of the machine overshadows Frank's emotional state and motivations.
  • The shift to Frank reaching for his pilot's uniform at the end feels disjointed and could be better integrated into the overall flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth and character development to the interactions between Frank, Monique, and Pappa Lavalier to make the scene more engaging.
  • Focus on balancing the technical details of the printing press with Frank's internal struggles and motivations to create a more well-rounded portrayal of his character.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different locations and scenes to improve the overall flow and coherence of the narrative.
  • Explore ways to integrate the theme of Frank's identity crisis and his conflicting desires into the scene to add depth and complexity to his character.
  • Consider revising the ending of the scene to create a stronger sense of continuity and connection to the overall storyline.



Scene 35 -  The French Interpreter
192 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - NIGHT 192

Joe paces in his office, holding the phone and talking much
too loud, his voice echoing through the hallways.

JOE SHAYE
English. Do you speak English? I'm
an American FBI Agent. Hello? Shit!
Joe slams down the phone, walks out'of his office.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
Does anyone here speak French. I
need someone who speaks French!

193 INT. - FBI CONFERENCE ROOM. - DAY 193

Amdursky and Fox walk i the conference room with OLIVER,
a heavy set man who 1 terrified as they sit him down
next to Joe.
JOE SHAYE Jp
Agent Luc, I need you t anslate
for me.

FOX
He's not an agent, Joe. He's a waiter
at the restaurant around the corner.

194 INT. - FRENCH POLICE STATION. - DAY 194

POLICE DETECTIVE JULIEN, 40's, sits at his desk doing a
crossword puzzle in the middle of a busy French police
station. His phone rings, and he answers.

DETECTIVE JULIEN
Julien.
195 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - DAY 195

Oliver is on the phone, nervously sitting behind Joe's desk.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




115.

195 CONTINUED: 195

JOE SHAYE
Who answered the phone? What's his
name.

OLIVER
His name is Detective Julien. He
works in the vice squad in Paris

JOE SHAYE
That's fine. Tell him I have a
proposition for him. Tell him the
FBI has a proposition for him.
Oliver translates as Joe paces in front of him.

OLIVER
Okay. What's the proposition?

JOE SHAYE
Ask him if he'd like to catch the
greatest bank robber the world has
ever known.

196

CLOSE ON
DETECTIVE JULIEN sitting al--h!ts ri�esk, his expression
suddenly
changing as he glances aroun tation. He quickly puts
the crossword puzzle away and rips into the phone.
Abagnale.

197 EXT. - PARIS. - DAY
Frank steps out of the lobby doors or a hotel, walks toward
a waiting limousine. A DRIVER opens the door for him -- a
YOUNG KID that wears a black suit and hat.

FRENCH CHAUFFEUR
Where to, Mister Wagner?

FRANK
Let's go for a drive. I need some
supplies.
The limo drives off.
Debbie Zane - 5




116.

198 EXT. - PARIS STREETS 198


JOE SHAYE (V.0.)
When he gets to a new city he starts
out slow, hitting the banks on the
outskirts of town. At first it's
small checks in small banks that
pose little or no threat.
WE HEAR OLIVER'S TRANSLATION behind Joe's voice.
JOE SHAYE (V.O.) (cont'd)
Then he starts moving in, circling
the city like a mother hawk, picking
off every little bank he can find --
slowly inching his way toward the
center of the city.

199 INT. - STATIONARY STORE. - PARIS. - DAY 199

Frank stands at the counter of a stationery store, looking
into a glass case filled with expensive pens.

JOE SHA �1
There's always one ba 's bigger
and richer than all the ers. This
is what he came for, and he'll watch
it for days. He'll know if they add
a security-guard, or bring in a new
teller. And if he sees anything out
of place, a new cleaning man, a window
shade that's up instead of down,
he'll move on to the next one. That's
the luxury of having the entire world
as your mark.

200 EXT. - PARIS STREET. - DAY 200


CLOSE ON
DETECTIVE JULIEN -- standing in the middle of Paris, looking
down an endless row of massive banks.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




117.

200 CONTINUED: 200

JOE SHAYE (V.O.)
He'll make his move right before
lunch, when everyone's mind is on
food and the lines are short. And he
likes to stand out -- draw attention
to himself.

201 EXT. - BANK OF PARIS. - DAY 201

A massive bank in the middle of the city. WE SEE Frank's
limo pulling up to the curb, and Frank waiting for the
driver
to open the door before he gets out.

JOE SHAYE (V.0.)
The more people see him, the more
invisible he becomes.

202 INT. - BANK OF PARIS. - DAY 202

Frank walks into the bank, takes out a leather case and
opens
it, revealing a checkbook. He takes his Waldmann pen from
his pocket, smiles at a female TELLER.
Hello. I need sh this. My wife
and I are goi o(orway this
afternoon.
Frank turns the check over a tees L.
check to the teller, but she s take 1 it.

FRANK (CONT
Is there something wrong?
The bank teller is shaking and staring at Frank. He slowly
turns around, sees DETECTIVE JULIEN standing behind him with
his gun drawn.

203 INT. - FBI CONFERENCE ROOM. - NIGHT 203

Joe, Amdursky, and Fox are all half asleep, waiting in the
FBI CONFERENCE ROOM. The clock on the wall reads 3 a.m. --
and the phone finally rings.
Before he even picks it up, Joe Shaye starts to smile.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary An FBI agent struggles to find a French interpreter to help him catch a notorious bank robber. He eventually finds a waiter who reluctantly agrees to help, and together they contact the French police. The police detective agrees to help, and they devise a plan to catch the robber. The robber is eventually arrested at the Bank of Paris.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful
  • Emotional depth could be enhanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds suspense and tension, keeping the audience engaged with the high-stakes chase between Frank and Detective Julien.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a skilled con artist executing bank robberies in a foreign city while being pursued by a determined detective is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear focus on the cat-and-mouse chase between Frank and Detective Julien, leading to a climactic confrontation in the bank.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the crime genre by incorporating international law enforcement cooperation and language barriers. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Frank and Detective Julien are well-defined and drive the conflict of the scene effectively.

Character Changes: 7

Both Frank and Detective Julien undergo changes in their strategies and approaches as the chase unfolds, adding complexity to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Joe Shaye's internal goal is to catch the greatest bank robber the world has ever known, showcasing his determination and commitment to his job as an FBI agent.

External Goal: 7

Joe Shaye's external goal is to communicate with French-speaking individuals to catch the bank robber, highlighting the immediate challenge he faces in a foreign country.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Frank and Detective Julien is intense and drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with language barriers, cultural differences, and the presence of the bank robber creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with Frank's freedom and Detective Julien's reputation on the line, adding intensity and urgency to the chase.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict between Frank and Detective Julien and setting up a climactic confrontation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the language barriers, unexpected character interactions, and the introduction of a new antagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the pursuit of justice and the clash of different law enforcement systems. Joe Shaye's belief in the FBI's ability to catch the criminal contrasts with the French detective's perspective.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes tension and anxiety in the audience, but could have a stronger emotional impact with more character depth and development.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves the purpose of advancing the plot and revealing the characters' motivations, but could be more impactful and memorable.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and international intrigue.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and urgency throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a sense of urgency and tension as Joe Shaye is desperately trying to find a French interpreter, which sets the tone for the rest of the scene.
  • The use of Oliver, a waiter, as a translator adds an element of humor and unexpectedness to the scene, but it also highlights the lack of preparedness on Joe's part.
  • The dialogue between Joe Shaye and Detective Julien is engaging and propels the plot forward, setting up the partnership between the FBI and the French police to catch Frank Abagnale.
  • The visual descriptions help to create a vivid picture of the different locations and characters, enhancing the overall atmosphere of the scene.
  • The scene effectively builds suspense and anticipation as Frank's actions are described, leading up to the moment of his arrest at the Bank of Paris.
  • The transition between different locations and characters is smooth and keeps the audience engaged in the unfolding events.
  • Overall, the scene effectively sets up the next phase of the story and leaves the audience eager to see what happens next.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to Oliver's character to make his role as a translator more impactful and memorable.
  • Explore the emotional impact of Detective Julien's decision to partner with the FBI in more detail to add layers to his character.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive experience for the audience, especially during key moments like Frank's arrest.
  • Work on tightening the pacing of the scene to maintain the sense of urgency and tension throughout.
  • Consider adding a bit more dialogue or internal thoughts to Joe Shaye to provide insight into his character and motivations.



Scene 36 -  Frank's Sentencing and Heartbreaking News
204 INT. - FRENCH COURTROOM. - DAY 204

A packed courtroom. Frank's hands and legs are shackled. He
stands before a JUDGE who is reading his sentence.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




118.

204 CONTINUED:

204

FRENCH JUDGE

(IN FRENCH)
Frank William Abagnale Jr., I sentence
you to two years in Papigone prison.

205 INT. - PAPIGONE PRISON. - PARIS. - DAY 205

A cell door closes.
206 INT. - AIR FRANCE AIRPLANE FLIGHT 676. - DAY 206

Frank and Joe Shaye are sitting next to each other in the
back of the plane. Through the window Frank can see the
skyline of Manhattan. Amdursky and Fox are smoking in the
aisle.

FRANK
Joe, you have to let me call my father
when we land- I want to talk to him
before he sees me on television.

JOE SHAYE
Your father i ead, Frank. I'm sorry.
Frank turns to Joe.
JOu i (cont' d)
He committed su 0�.cL didn't want
to be the one to t

FRANK
Suicide. No. That's imps 'ibl

JOE SHAYE
They found him inside his car, the
motor running, the garage door shut.

FRANK
who are they to think that? Who are
they to say something like that?!

JOE SHAYE
It's okay, Frank.

FRANK
Joe, I'm gonna be sick! I have to
use the bathroom.
Joe quickly takes off Frank's handcuffs, and he jumps from
his seat and runs into the bathroom. Joe stands in the aisle
with Amdursky and Fox.
Debbie Zane - 5




119.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank Abagnale is sentenced to two years in prison. While on the plane to Papigone prison, Joe Shaye informs Frank that his father has committed suicide. Frank is overcome with disbelief and distress and runs to the bathroom to be sick.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion, setting up a crucial turning point in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a high-stakes chase between a notorious criminal and law enforcement is well-executed, with added emotional depth through personal revelations.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Frank is apprehended and faces the consequences of his actions, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of family dynamics and personal tragedy. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Frank and Joe Shaye, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Frank experiences a significant emotional change upon learning about his father's death, adding complexity to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the news of his father's death and the circumstances surrounding it. This reflects his deeper need for closure, his fear of losing his family, and his desire to understand the truth.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make a phone call to his father before he is seen on television. This reflects the immediate challenge of communication and maintaining a connection with his family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Frank and law enforcement, as well as Frank's internal conflict upon learning about his father's death, creates high tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that create uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Frank faces arrest and consequences for his crimes, adding urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by resolving the chase plotline and setting up new developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation about the protagonist's father's death and the conflicting narratives surrounding it.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle to accept the truth about his father's death and the conflicting narratives surrounding it. This challenges his beliefs about his family and the trustworthiness of others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to sadness, adding depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, emotion, and the high stakes of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, dramatic conflict, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension, building suspense, and allowing for emotional beats to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively transitioning between different locations and building tension through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Frank being sentenced in a French courtroom to being on an Air France airplane with Joe Shaye, which may confuse the audience.
  • The emotional impact of Frank learning about his father's suicide could be heightened by allowing more time for the revelation to sink in and for Frank to process his emotions.
  • The dialogue between Frank and Joe Shaye feels rushed and could benefit from more depth and emotional exploration, especially considering the gravity of the situation.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the atmosphere and help the audience connect with the characters and their emotions.
  • The transition from Frank feeling sick and running to the bathroom could be smoother and more impactful, possibly by adding more internal thoughts or reactions from Frank.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transitional scene between the courtroom and the airplane to provide context and a smoother flow of events.
  • Allow more time for Frank to react to the news of his father's suicide, showing his emotional turmoil and disbelief in a more nuanced way.
  • Expand on the dialogue between Frank and Joe Shaye to delve deeper into their relationship and the impact of the news on Frank.
  • Include visual cues and descriptions to set the scene, convey emotions, and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Work on the pacing of the scene, particularly the transition from Frank feeling sick to running to the bathroom, to ensure a more natural and impactful progression.



Scene 37 -  Frank's Escape and Arrest
207 INT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE BATHROOM. - MOMENTS LATER. 207'
Frank is on his knees, tears running down his face as he
uses the METAL TIP OF A FORK to unscrew a hard plastic plate
above the toilet. The screws come free, and Frank is able to
pull the entire TOILET UNIT away from the wall. He makes
his way into a tiny crawispace, then pulls the toilet back
against the wall.

208 EXT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE MAIN CABIN. - MINUTES LATER. 208

Joe Shaye checks his watch as a FLIGHT ATTENDANT walks past
him and smiles.

AIR FRANCE STEWARDESS
You'll have to take your seat, Sir.
We're about to land.
Joe knocks on the bathroom door.

JOE SHAYE
Frank.

(CONT' D)
Frank! Come on;''rMnk, open the door!
Damn it...Frank! O

JOE SHAYE

1.4
Break it down.
Amdursky starts kicking at the bathroom door, slamming his
heel against the metal release. The door breaks free, and
the three men stares in disbelief at the EMPTY BATHROOM.

209 EXT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE/KENNEDY AIRPORT RUNWAY.-MOMENTS
209


LATER.
The plane has landed and stopped short on the runway. WE SEE
Frank crawling through a HATCH near the landing gear. He
drops fifteen feet to the ground below, starts running
across
the runway.

210 INT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE MAIN CABIN. - MOMENTS LATER 210

All of the passengers remain seated as Joe, Amdursky and Fox
stand in the aisle.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -
120.

210 CONTINUED: 210

JOE SHAYS
Look under every seat, in every
bathroom. Check it all again, even
the cockpit!
As Joe starts moving through the plane, something outside
the window catches his eye.

211 EXT. - KENNEDY AIRPORT TARMAC. - DAY 211

He sees Frank sprinting across the tarmac, making his way
toward the terminal.

' 212 INT. - AIR FRANCE PLANE MAIN CABIN. - DAY 212


JOE SHAYE
God in heaven...

213 INT. - LONG ISLAND CHURCH. - MORNING. 213

A CHURCH CHOIR is singing COME HOME JESUS, Paula sitting in
the front row in a pale blue dress and snow white hat. As
the song ends, Paula se Frank enter the large, empty
church.
He is dazed and off b a e, his body still weak from prison.
Mom...
Frank stumbles down the cent e, dropping to his knees
and fainting before he reach= h ter.

214 INT. - CHURCH OFFICE. - DAY. 214


FI
Frank opens his eyes, sees his mother standing at the window
in a PRIEST'S PRIVATE OFFICE -- a cigarette in her hand, a
row of collection plates on the desk in front of her...

PAULA
You want a sip of water?
Paula hands Frank some water. He sits up and stares at his
mother.

FRANK
Why didn't you help him?

PAULA
I did help him. Near the end I sent
him money, did you know that?

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




121.

214 CONTINUED: 214

PAULA (CONT'D)
I paid his rent. I was a kid when we
met, Frankie. I didn't even speak
English -- I didn't even know his
last name.

FRANK
Then why did you marry him?

PAULA
Because he got me pregnant. I was
seventeen, and I was told I was going
to marry him. They put me on a plane,
and said I was the luckiest girl in
the world.

FRANK
What about the baby?

PAULA
The baby died an hour after it was
born. The Doctor's knew as soon as
he came out.
Paula lights a fresh

CONT'D)
It was a boy. T telling me
I should hold him, didn't want
to. I was scared he ie in my
arms, so I said no. C imagine
that, Frank, I didn't to hold
my own son?
Frank walks toward his mother and takes the cigarette out of
her mouth.

FRANK
You promised.
He doesn't look back at her as he walks out the door.

215 EXT. - CHURCH. - DAY 215

Frank looks dazed as he walks out of the small Church- As he
makes his way down the steps, FOUR BLACK VANS speed up next
to him, TWO TEAMS OF FBI AGENTS jumping out and grabbing
him, throwing him to the ground as he rolls over without a
fight, his body limp as he stares up at Joe Shaye.
Debbie Zane -




122.

216 INT. - COURTROOM. - DAY 216

Frank stands before a JUDGE who is sentencing him.

JUDGE
Taking into account your refusal to
give back the money, your history of
bold escape and your complete lack
of respect for the uniform of the
law, I have no choice but to sentence
you to eighteen years in Atlanta's
maximum security prison in Dixon
county, and recommend strongly that
you be kept in an isolation cell for
the entirety of that sentence.

217 INT. - MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON - ATLANTA 217.

Frank stands in front of his cell in the isolation wing of
the prison. There are no bars, no windows, just square,
individual cell boxes. Frank walks into his cell, the door
closing behind him.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary After escaping from an airplane, Frank hides in a church but is confronted by his mother, who claims to have tried helping his father. Frank doubts her and is subsequently arrested by the FBI and sentenced to prison.
Strengths
  • High tension
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines tension, emotion, and action to create a compelling narrative that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a fugitive on the run, facing his past and the consequences of his actions, is well-executed and drives the plot forward.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and filled with twists and turns, culminating in Frank's arrest and the revelation of his family history.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on themes of family, sacrifice, and redemption, offering authentic character interactions and emotional depth. The actions and dialogue feel genuine and impactful.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Frank and his mother, are well-developed and their emotional arcs add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Frank undergoes a significant emotional journey in the scene, confronting his past and facing the consequences of his actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Frank's internal goal is to confront his mother about her past actions and decisions, seeking closure and understanding. This reflects his need for emotional resolution and reconciliation.

External Goal: 7

Frank's external goal is to evade capture and escape from the authorities, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in avoiding imprisonment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Frank and the FBI, as well as the internal conflict within Frank himself, drives the tension of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Frank facing multiple challenges and obstacles that test his resolve and push him to confront his past and present circumstances.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Frank's situation, including his arrest and imprisonment, add urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, leading to a major turning point in Frank's life.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns in Frank's actions and interactions, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of family, responsibility, and forgiveness. Frank grapples with his mother's choices and their impact on his life, questioning the nature of love and sacrifice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of Frank's reunion with his mother and subsequent arrest is powerful and resonant.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, but could be more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of action, emotion, and character development, keeping the audience invested in Frank's journey and the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, balancing action with introspection to create a dynamic and engaging narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, transitioning between action sequences and intimate conversations with skillful pacing.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of transitions between locations and timeframes, making it confusing for the audience to follow the sequence of events.
  • The emotional depth of the interactions between Frank and his mother could be further explored to enhance the impact of their conversation.
  • The dialogue between Frank and his mother feels rushed and could benefit from more nuanced and authentic exchanges to convey the complexity of their relationship.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, with abrupt shifts in tone and emotion that could be smoothed out for a more cohesive narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding visual cues or transitions to clearly indicate changes in location and time to improve the scene's coherence.
  • Focus on developing the emotional depth of the conversation between Frank and his mother to create a more impactful and engaging interaction.
  • Refine the dialogue between Frank and his mother to make it more authentic and reflective of their complex relationship dynamics.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling elements to create a more immersive and engaging viewing experience for the audience.
  • Work on smoothing out the pacing of the scene to ensure a more consistent and engaging narrative flow.



Scene 38 -  A Visit in Prison
218 INT. - PRISON VISITINc/RSM. - DAY 218
Frank is wearing his pr1s f psuit as he's led into the
visitor's room and place n a chair that faces bulletproof
glass. Joe Shaye is sittin Qrdl4,s from him. They both pick
up their phones.

JOE SHAYE
Merry Christmas, Frank.

T
Frank doesn't answer him.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
I got some cigarettes here.

FRANK
I don't smoke.
An awkward moment as Joe puts the cigarettes on the floor.

JOE SHAYE
They say the first year inside is
the hardest.

FRANK
You caught me. What do you want?

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




123.

218 CONTINUED: 218

JOE SHAYE
I don't know. Maybe this was a bad
idea. I'll go.
As Joe starts to put the phone down.

FRANK
You're still wearing a wedding ring.

JOE SHAYE
Yeah. The truth is, I'm divorced-
I have a daughter who's nine.

FRANK
What's her name?

JOE SHP_YE
Vanessa. She lives in Chicago with
her mother. I don't see her much.
Frank stares at Joe for a BEAT.
I'm on my way el tJe airport. I'm
tracking a paper ge who's working
his way through Mi�t This guy
is driving us crazy.

FRANK
Do you have any of the checks?

FL
Joe hesitates, then opens his briefcase and takes out a
CHECK.
He holds it against the glass.

JOE SHAYE
This is a counterfeit from Great
Lakes Savings and Loan. You can see
that he's using a...

FRANK
It's a teller at the bank.

JOE SHAYE
What?

FRANK
It's a teller.

(CONTINUED)

DEBBIE ZANE




124.

218 CONTINUED: (2) 218
JOE SHAYE
How do you know?

FRANK
Every bank uses hand stamps for the
dates. They get used over and over,
so they're always worn down, and the
numbers are always cracking -- the
sixes and nines go first. Look at
the date on that check -- the ink is
worn flat, the nines and sixes are
cracking -- that's the stamp of a
teller, Joe. Looks like you got
yourself an inside job.

219 INT. - PRISON. - NIGHT 219

Frank is lying in his cell, staring into the darkness.

FRANK
Eastern flight 794 you are clear to
taxi on runway_two-zero-four. That's
a big thank y, and goodbye, Newark.
Ladies and eman, we are leveled
off here at't five thousand
feet. The sm gns have been
turned off for of you in a
designated smoki My name is
Captain Frank Will so just
sit back, relax, an the flight
to Milan.

220 INT. - JAIL CELL. - ATLANTA PRISON. - NIGHT 220

The prison is locked down, the lights out for the night.
Joe Shaye and Director Marsh are passing rows of dark cells
as they make their way through the prison.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a prison visiting room, Frank and Joe meet. Despite Joe's attempts, Frank initially rebuffs him. However, Frank's curiosity is piqued when he notices Joe's wedding ring and inquires about his daughter. Joe reveals his divorce and estrangement from his young daughter. Frank then shifts the conversation to counterfeit checks, which Joe presents. Frank expertly deduces they are the work of a bank teller, shocking Joe. Meanwhile, inside his cell, Frank feigns being a pilot, as Joe and the prison director walk through the prison.
Strengths
  • Tense dialogue
  • Character depth
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Lack of visual variety

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a mix of tension, hope, and determination. It provides crucial information about the counterfeit operation and adds depth to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of catching a notorious bank robber through a partnership between FBI and French police is intriguing. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of the investigation.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Joe Shaye seeks Frank's help in catching the counterfeit check criminal. The scene sets up a significant development in the investigation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre by focusing on the intricacies of counterfeit operations and the protagonist's keen observational skills. The dialogue feels authentic and drives the plot forward.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Frank Abagnale and Joe Shaye are well-developed, with Frank providing valuable insights and Joe revealing personal struggles. Their interaction adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, Joe Shaye's personal revelation hints at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the counterfeit checks and potentially solve the case. This reflects his desire for justice and his investigative nature.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather evidence and information about the counterfeit operation. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in solving the case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between law enforcement and the criminal, as well as the internal struggles of the characters, adds tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motives and hidden agendas that create uncertainty and challenge the protagonist's investigative skills.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as law enforcement seeks to catch a notorious bank robber, and Frank's insights could be crucial in solving the case.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information about the counterfeit operation and setting up a significant development in the investigation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the revelation of new information that changes the direction of the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of truth and deception. The protagonist's belief in uncovering the truth clashes with Joe Shaye's initial deception and hidden motives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to empathy for Joe Shaye's personal struggles. Frank's revelation about the counterfeit operation adds intrigue.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and informative, especially when Frank explains the intricacies of counterfeit checks. Joe's personal revelation adds emotional depth to the conversation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interaction between the characters, the suspenseful atmosphere, and the gradual reveal of crucial information.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for a dialogue-driven sequence in a crime drama, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the gravity of the situation. The dialogue between Frank and Joe feels somewhat forced and lacks depth.
  • The interaction between Frank and Joe could be more emotionally charged, especially given the circumstances of Frank being in prison and Joe trying to get information from him.
  • The transition between Joe showing Frank the counterfeit check and Frank deducing that it's the work of a teller feels rushed and could benefit from more build-up and explanation.
  • The visual descriptions are minimal and could be enhanced to create a more vivid and engaging scene for the reader.
  • The ending of the scene with Frank pretending to be a pilot in his cell feels disconnected from the rest of the dialogue and actions.
Suggestions
  • Add more emotional depth to the interaction between Frank and Joe to make the scene more engaging and impactful.
  • Build up the tension and urgency in the dialogue to reflect the seriousness of the situation.
  • Provide more context and explanation for Frank's deduction about the counterfeit check to make it more believable and compelling.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and vivid setting for the scene.
  • Consider revising the ending to better tie in with the overall tone and purpose of the scene.



Scene 39 -  Frank Abagnale's FBI Job Offer
221 INT. - INTERROGATION ROOM. - NIGHT 221

Frank is sitting across from Joe and Director Marsh, a glass
of milk in front of him. TWO GUARDS stand behind him with
rifles. Frank is 23-years-old, but still has the boyish face
of a teenager.

FRANK
Joe, one of these days you should
get yourself a new jacket. What is
that material?
Frank touches Joe's jacket.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




125.

221 CONTINUED: 221

JOE SHAYE
Cashmere.

FRANK
That isn't cashmere -- look at the
lining. It's some kind of polyester.
You should see my tailor in New York.

FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
Can we do this, please?

JOE SHAYE
Frank, this is FBI Director Marsh.
He wanted to meet you.

FRANK
At four in the morning? 1 1

FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
Mr. Abagnale, you've served five
years of an eighteen year sentence

F K
That's righ ve years, two months.

TOR MARSH
I'd like you tcY o k at something
for me, tell me UO �%u think.
Director Marsh takes an enveldi j of a briefcase, slides
it over to Frank. Frank opens t lope and pulls out a
PAYROLL CHECK. He holds the check is hand, never looks
at it.

I;

FRANK
It's a fake.
FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
How do you know? You haven't looked
at it.

FRANK
There's no perforated edge, which
means this check was hand cut, not
fed. The paper is double bonded,
much too heavy for a check. The ink
is raised against my fingers instead
of flat.
Frank brings the check to his nose, sniffs it.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




126.

221 CONTINUED: (2) 221
FRANK (cont' d)
This doesn't smell like micker. It's'
probably drafting ink, the kind you
buy at a stationery store.
Joe and Director Marsh exchange a look.

FBI DIRECTOR MARSH
Frank, would you be interested in
working with the FBI's fraud and
counterfeiting unit?

FRANK
I already have a job here. I deliver
the mail.

JOE SHAYE
No, Frank. We'd get you out.

FRANK
Why are you saying this, Joe? You
caught me, isn't that enough? Why
can't you lea ' me alone?

ECTOR MARSH
Frank, we ha wer to take you
out of prison. be placed in
the custody of t where you'd
serve the remainde ur sentence
as an employee of t al
government.

FRANK
Whose custody?

JOE SHAYE
Mine.

222 INT. - FBI FIELD OFFICE. - DALLAS, TEXAS. - DAY 222


SUPER: MARCH 29 1973
Frank wears a brand new black suit as he walks into the
massive FBI BUILDING. He approaches a SECURITY GUARD.

FRANK
I'm Frank Abagnale. I'm supposed to
start work here today.

SECURITY GUARD
First floor, Mr. Abagnale.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




127.

222 CONTINUED: 222

FRANK
Call me Frank.

223 INT. - FBI BUILDING. - THIRD FLOOR. - DAY 223

Frank makes his way down a long hallway, passing other young
men in dark suits who have come out of their offices to see
him pass. Frank sees Joe Shaye standing at the end of the
hall.

FRANK
Morning, Joe.
Frank turns and stares at a door marked FRAUD. He casually
walks inside.

224 INT. - FRANK'S FBI OFFICE. - DAY 224,

A stack of files sit on Frank's desk. There are hundreds of
CHECKS, MUG SHOTS, PILES OF COUNTERFEIT MONEY. Frank looks
out the window of his office, stares out at the DALLAS

SKYLINE.
Look at me,
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Frank Abagnale, a 23-year-old fraudster in prison, is interrogated by Joe Shaye and FBI Director Marsh. Despite not looking at a check, Frank accurately describes its forged qualities, impressing the FBI. Director Marsh offers Frank a job with the FBI's fraud and counterfeiting unit, commuting his sentence. Frank initially resists but accepts when he learns he will be in Joe's custody. The scene ends with Frank entering the FBI building in a new suit, marking a turning point in his life.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Engaging plot development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a new direction for the story, with strong character dynamics and a high-stakes situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Frank Abagnale working with the FBI to catch other criminals is intriguing and adds depth to his character arc.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging, with the introduction of a new challenge for Frank and the FBI, leading to a significant turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its focus on forensic details in a tense interrogation setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative, offering a fresh perspective on the crime genre.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Frank Abagnale and Joe Shaye, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Frank undergoes a potential transformation from criminal to informant, setting the stage for significant character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his facade of confidence and control despite being in a vulnerable position. This reflects his deeper need for validation and autonomy, as well as his fear of being exposed as a fraud.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to resist the FBI's offer to work for them and maintain his current job as a mail delivery person. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing potential betrayal and coercion from law enforcement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Frank and the FBI, as well as internal conflicts within Frank himself, adds depth and tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces conflicting offers and moral dilemmas from the FBI agents. The uncertainty of his decision and the consequences of his actions create a compelling conflict for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Frank faces the possibility of leaving prison to work with the FBI, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new phase in Frank's life and the FBI's pursuit of criminals.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's unexpected actions and revelations, such as his ability to detect the counterfeit check without even looking at it. The shifting power dynamics and moral dilemmas add to the scene's unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between deception and truth, as the protagonist uses his skills in fraud detection to expose the counterfeit check. This challenges his beliefs in manipulation and deceit, forcing him to confront the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The emotional impact is moderate, with moments of tension and revelation that keep the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, intriguing premise, and high stakes. The tension between the characters and the protagonist's clever observations keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's effectiveness in maintaining suspense and intrigue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a crime thriller, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and dialogue contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a light-hearted interaction between Frank, Joe Shaye, and Director Marsh, which seems out of place given the serious nature of the situation.
  • The dialogue between the characters feels a bit forced and lacks depth, especially considering the gravity of the offer being made to Frank.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Frank's internal conflict and emotions about being offered a job with the FBI after serving time in prison.
  • The transition from Frank examining the fake check to being offered a job with the FBI feels abrupt and could benefit from more build-up and tension.
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency or suspense, which is crucial for a moment where such a significant offer is being made to the protagonist.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Frank's reaction to the job offer, exploring his internal struggle and conflicting feelings.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reflect the weight of the situation and the impact of the offer on Frank's life.
  • Build up the tension and suspense leading to the job offer, creating a more impactful and engaging moment for the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection or hesitation from Frank before accepting the job, adding complexity to his character.
  • Ensure the tone of the scene aligns with the gravity of the decision Frank is being asked to make, maintaining consistency throughout.



Scene 40 -  Frank's Escape
225 INT. - APARTMENT. - DALLAS H DAY. 225


O
Frank walks through the door ny, run down apartment.
Joe Shaye stands at the door.

FRANK
I'd rather stay in a hotel.

JOE SHAYE
That's not possible.
Frank opens the drapes and looks out at a POLICE STATION
that sits across the street from his apartment.

FRANK
One of the men gave me a check today.
It was for nine dollars.

JOE SHAYS
That's right. The FBI is paying you
prison wages.
Joe turns to walk out the door.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




128.

225 CONTINUED: 225
FRANK
Tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Would it
be okay if I went to work with you?

JOE SHAYE
Tomorrow night I'm flying to Chicago
to see my daughter. But I'll be back
at work on Monday.

FRANK
Joe. . .what do I do until Monday?

JOE SHP_YE
I can't help you there, kid.

226 INT. - FBI OFFICES. - DAY 226

Frank sits alone eating a sandwich, looking through a BOOK
OF MUG SHOTS. He stops when he sees his own MUG SHOT, the
black and white picture staring up at him.
Frank carefully rips the mug shot out of the book and puts
it in his pocket.

227
Frank is walking the stre' s carrying a small bag of
groceries as he makes his Oh e. Something in a STORE
WINDOW catches his eye, and F ,tands frozen on the corner,
looking across at a WINDOW DI

CLOSE ON

THE WINDOW OF A COSTUME SHOP.
There are several MANNEQUINS dressed in different costumes.
Frank slowly approaches the window, stares at a mannequin
wearing an AIRLINE PILOT'S UNIFORM.

228 EXT. - DALLAS AIRPORT. - NIGHT 228

Frank gets out of a taxi wearing the PILOT'S UNIFORM. He
pulls his cap down tight as he makes his way into the busy
airport.

229 INT. - DALLAS AIRPORT COFFEE SHOP. - NIGHT 229

Frank sits alone at the airport coffee shop eating a
hamburger
and reading a COMIC BOOK. Joe Shaye walks into the
restaurant
and sits next to him.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -
129.

229 CONTINUED: 229

JOE SHAYE
That's a nice uniform, Frank.
Here, let me get your check.
Joe grabs the check from Frank, puts some money on the
table.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
Did you know I was recruited by the
FBI while I was still in law school?
The government said I was the best
the country had to offer, top of my
class -- and they chased me until I
said yes.

FRANK
I'm sorry, Joe.

JOE SHAYE
I spent four years arranging your
release. I convinced the Attorney
General of the United States that
you wouldn't run.
Frank gets out of his fir, walks out of the restaurant.
Joe follows him throw h, irport.
JO' : E (cont' d)
You go back to E pe r�pd you'll die
in Papigone. You run here
in the states and w 1 d you
back to Atlanta for f' ars.

FRANK
I never asked for your help.

JOE SHAYE
Please, Frank, you leave and I'm
finished. I got you out, I convinced
them to let you out.

FRANK
Why did you do it?
JOE SHAYE
You're just a kid.

FRANK
I'm not your kid. I'm not your son.
I'm nothing to you. And you're nothing
to me.
Frank walks toward the AMERICAN AIRLINES ticket counter.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




130.

229 CONTINUED: (2) 229

JOE SHAYE
I'm gonna let you fly tonight. I
won't even try and stop you, because
I know you'll be back on Monday.

FRANK
Why would I come back?

JOE SHAYE
Because nobody is chasing you.
Frank stares at Joe for a long BEAT.

FRANK
Two mice fell in a bucket of cream.
The first mouse gave up and drowned,
but the second mouse struggled so
hard he churned that cream into butter
and he crawled out.

JOE SHAYE
Which one are you, Frank?
Frank turns to the gin? ar the TICKET COUNTER.

1Ï¿½V
Hello, Amanda, � � s s �Jh e jump-seat open
on the ten-thirt ® N,wYork?
Joe watches as Frank walks thk oor marked CREW ONLY,
casually making his way toward D une.

230 INT. - JOE SHAYE'S OFFICE. - DAY 230 4

Joe sits at his desk drinking coffee. He checks his watch,
then calls out to his SECRETARY.

JOE SHAYE
is Abagnale in yet?

SECRETARY
No.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a run-down apartment, Frank Abagnale confronts FBI agent Joe Shaye, seeking to work on Christmas Eve. Denied, he finds his mug shot and a pilot's uniform, resolving to steal it. At the airport, he boards a plane in the stolen uniform as Joe watches helplessly.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character depth
  • Emotional impact
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly cliched or melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeps the audience engaged with the chase, and provides emotional depth to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a fugitive being pursued by law enforcement, combined with themes of redemption and personal responsibility, is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with a clear focus on the pursuit of Frank Abagnale and the emotional turmoil he experiences. The scene moves the story forward effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the protagonist's struggle with identity and belonging, as well as his philosophical musings on perseverance.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Frank Abagnale and Joe Shaye, are well-defined and their motivations are clear. The emotional depth of the characters adds complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Frank Abagnale undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, grappling with his past actions and the consequences of his choices. This adds depth to his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a sense of belonging and purpose, as seen in his desire to go to work with Joe and his struggle with his identity and past.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to evade capture and start a new life, as shown by his actions of changing his appearance and attempting to leave the country.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Frank Abagnale and Joe Shaye, as well as Frank's internal conflict, drives the scene forward and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that add complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Frank Abagnale faces the possibility of being caught by law enforcement and Joe Shaye is determined to bring him to justice. The outcome will have significant consequences for both characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the pursuit of Frank Abagnale and the emotional turmoil he experiences. It sets up future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the protagonist's unexpected actions and decisions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's sense of identity and belonging, as he grapples with his past actions and the consequences of his choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, as it delves into Frank's distress and Joe's determination. The audience is likely to feel empathy for the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension between Frank and Joe, as well as Frank's internal struggle. The conversations are engaging and reveal important character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of suspense, introspection, and sharp dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively builds tension and reveals the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with disjointed dialogue and actions that don't flow smoothly.
  • The interaction between Frank and Joe Shaye feels forced and lacks emotional depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The dialogue is overly expository and lacks subtlety, making the scene feel heavy-handed and unrealistic.
  • The transition between different locations and actions is abrupt and confusing, leading to a lack of coherence in the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional turmoil and internal conflict of Frank Abagnale, which could have added depth and complexity to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a clear objective for the scene and ensuring that each action and line of dialogue serves that purpose.
  • Work on creating more natural and authentic dialogue that reflects the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • Consider adding subtext and nuance to the interactions between Frank and Joe Shaye to create a more engaging and dynamic scene.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different locations and actions to improve the flow and coherence of the scene.
  • Explore the internal struggles and conflicting emotions of Frank Abagnale to add depth and complexity to his character.



Scene 41 -  FBI Briefing on Arizona Check Fraud Case
231 INT. - FBI OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM. - DAY 231

Joe Shaye is using the slide projector and standing in front
of TEN AGENTS, including Special Agent Wilkes.

JOE SHAYE
Good morning. I've called this
emergency briefing to discuss a check

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -




131.

231 CONTINUED: 231
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
fraud and counterfeiter who's been
hitting banks all over Arizona.

SPECIAL AGENT WILKES
Just tell us how much he's gotten,
Joe?

JOE SHAYE
Don't ask.
The briefing room door opens, and Frank walks in. Joe spots
him in the darkness.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
Good. You're here.
The two men stare at each other for a BEAT.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
At this time I'd like my point man
on this to fill you in. Frank, are
you ready to Ake over?

FRANK (
John Doe 6116 is a pa ; er who
started in Phoenix, usz at I
call a double deposit forgery system.
Next slide. What he's doing is opening
two accounts at the same bank under
two different names...

232 INT. - AIRPLANE. - DAY 232

Frank and Joe are sitting next to each other on a plane,
both holding magazines and eating nuts. Joe is wearing a
brand new BLACK SUIT. There are several other agents on the
plane, including Amdursky and Fox.

FRANK
Joe, do you guys always fly coach?

JOE SHAYE
Yeah.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane -:




132.

232 CONTINUED: 232

FRANK
You want me to talk to someone? See
if I can get us bumped to first class?

JOE SHAYS
Just relax. We'll be there in two
hours.
Frank looks out the window.

FRP.NK
I've never been to Arizona.

JOE SHAYE
It's hot. Let's just hope-we catch
this guy fast.

FRANK
Joe, you ever seen the Grand Canyon?

JOE SHAYE
No.

K
You think i w e time we can
take a quick ?( (-o
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
I feel a little silly in this suit.

FRANK
It looks good. You just have to get
used to it.

JOE SHAYE
How much did you say it cost?

FRANK
Eight hundred dollars.

JOE SHAYE
Where did you get eight hundred
dollars?

FRANK
Credit card.

(CONTINUED)
Debbie Zane - 5




133.

232 CONTINUED: (2) 232

JOE SHAYE
Somebody gave you a credit card?
That's a horrifying thought.
The two men sit in silence for a BEAT, staring down at their
magazines, lost in thought.
JOE SHAYE (cont'd)
Can I ask you something, Frank?

FRANK
Sure.

JOE SHAYE
How did you pass the bar exam in
Louisiana?

FRANK
I studied every night for two weeks.

JOE SHAYE
Is that the truth?
Frank turns to the wipf'or?, slowly starts to smile as he
looks
out at the clouds.
FRANK ABAGNALE JR. HAS BEEN Qf MOR 25 YEARS. HE HAS
THREE TEENAGE SONS, AND LIVES r V LIFE IN TULSA, OKLAHOMA.

SINCE HIS RELEASE FROM PRISON IN Z, FRANK HAS HELPED THE

FBI CAPTURE SOME OF THE WORLDS MOST ALLUSIVE CHECK FORGERS

AND COUNTERFEITERS. FRANK HAS ALSO DEVELOPED MANY OF THE

SECURITY FEATURES THAT BANKS USE TO PREVENT CHECK FRAUD.

HE HOLDS SEVERAL PATENTS ON THESE FEATURES, AND TO THIS DAY

FRANK MAKES A ROYALTY ON ALMOST EVERY CHECK WRITTEN IN THE

UNITED STATES.

THOSE CHECK ROYALTIES PAY FRANK ABAGNALE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

A YEAR.

TITLE CARD #2

JOE SHAYE RETIRED IN 1986, HAVING BEEN AWARDED THREE

DISTINGUISHED SERVICE AWARDS FROM THE FBI.

FRANK ABAGNALE HAS FOUR.

THEY REMAIN CLOSE FRIENDS TO THIS DAY.
Debbie Zane -
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Joe Shaye introduces Frank Abagnale Jr. as the expert on an Arizona check fraud and counterfeiting case. Abagnale explains the perpetrator's double deposit forgery system. Shaye and Abagnale discuss their attire and the possibility of visiting the Grand Canyon. The scene concludes with highlights of Abagnale's post-prison accomplishments and his friendship with Shaye.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Well-defined characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense while providing a resolution to the ongoing chase, keeping the audience engaged and invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of law enforcement agencies working together to catch a criminal mastermind is well-executed, adding depth to the narrative and showcasing the complexities of investigative work.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging and well-developed, focusing on the pursuit and capture of the criminal, with twists and turns that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique crime scenario and explores the dynamics between law enforcement agents. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with Joe Shaye as the determined FBI agent and Frank Abagnale as the elusive criminal. Their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Joe Shaye and Frank Abagnale reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to catch the fraud and counterfeiter hitting banks in Arizona. This reflects his desire to solve the case and protect the financial system.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to catch the criminal and prevent further bank fraud. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between law enforcement and the criminal, as well as the internal struggles of the characters, adds intensity to the scene and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the challenge of catching a skilled criminal and the tension between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of capturing a notorious criminal and the potential impact on both law enforcement and the criminal himself heighten the tension and suspense of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by resolving the chase plotline and setting the stage for the next phase of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation and the dynamic between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between catching the criminal and upholding the law, and the criminal's actions of fraud and deception. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to relief, as the chase comes to a dramatic conclusion.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and serves to advance the plot, providing insight into the characters' motivations and actions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced dialogue, tense interactions, and the high stakes of catching a criminal.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and moving the story forward at a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 7

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime investigation genre, with a briefing and planning session followed by a personal conversation between characters.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension, considering it is an emergency briefing about a check fraud and counterfeiting case.
  • The dialogue between Joe Shaye and Frank feels somewhat casual and lacks the intensity expected in such a high-stakes situation.
  • There is a lack of depth in the interaction between Joe and Frank, missing an opportunity to explore their dynamic and the gravity of the situation.
  • The transition from the FBI office conference room to the airplane feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother segue.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Introduce more conflict and tension in the dialogue between Joe Shaye and Frank to reflect the seriousness of the case.
  • Add more depth to the characters' interactions to showcase the weight of the situation and the complexities of their relationship.
  • Consider adding a sense of urgency and suspense to the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.
  • Smooth out the transition between locations to create a more seamless flow in the narrative.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the settings and create a more immersive experience for the audience.