LAPD 2043
Executive Summary
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USP: Discover a gritty, post-apocalyptic world filled with danger, suspense, and a relentless pursuit of justice in this captivating script. Featuring a grizzled detective, Wheeler, who wakes up from a 20-year coma to find herself in a futuristic society, and her determined partner, Holloway, who remains loyal and committed to solving the case despite his own personal demons. Together, they navigate a labyrinth of challenges, from de-extincted species and gamma radiation to human skin billboards and a powerful businessman with a dark past. With its unique blend of futuristic technology, noir-inspired detective work, and a haunting exploration of the consequences of past actions, this script offers a fresh and thrilling take on the crime genre. Dive into this immersive world and join Wheeler and Holloway on their quest for justice, redemption, and survival.
Overview
Genres: Crime, Thriller, Mystery, Drama, Sci-Fi, Action
Setting: The story takes place in the near future, after a major earthquake called 'The Event' and during a period of social unrest in Los Angeles., Los Angeles
Overview: The screenplay earns a commendable overall score of 7.78, reflecting its strong character development, captivating premise, and intriguing blend of genres. However, there are opportunities to enhance plot clarity, emotional depth, and pacing to elevate the narrative to its full potential.
Themes: Justice and Investigation, Loss and Grief, Perseverance and Determination, Corruption and Deceit, Futuristic Society and Technology
Conflict and Stakes: Wheeler's struggle to find the missing girl and clear her name, while dealing with the challenges of a futuristic and chaotic Los Angeles.
Overall Mood: Dark and suspenseful, with a touch of noir.
Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:
- Scene 1: Tense and chaotic, as Wheeler and Holloway navigate a dangerous and hostile city.
Standout Features:
- Unique Setting: The futuristic and chaotic Los Angeles, with its unique blend of technology and social unrest, provides a compelling backdrop for the story.
- Strong Female Lead : Wheeler is a determined and resourceful detective, who is the driving force behind the investigation.
- Complex Themes : The screenplay explores themes of justice, redemption, and the consequences of technology and social unrest, providing a thought-provoking and engaging narrative.
Comparable Scripts:
Market Analysis
Budget Estimate:$30-40 million
Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-49, fans of science fiction, thrillers, and neo-noir.
Marketability: The unique blend of science fiction and noir elements, as well as the strong female lead, make this screenplay appealing to a wide audience.
The futuristic setting and complex themes may appeal to a niche audience, but may also limit its appeal to mainstream audiences.
The strong characters and gripping storyline, combined with the unique setting and themes, make this screenplay a compelling choice for filmmakers and audiences alike.
Profit Potential: High, due to its strong appeal to a wide adult audience and potential for award nominations.
Scene Level Percentiles
Screenplay Analysis
- The screenplay has exceptional plot (100th percentile) and story progression (100th percentile), indicating a well-structured and engaging narrative.
- The conflict level (86.4th percentile) and emotional impact (84.6th percentile) are also high, suggesting a strong emotional core and tension.
- The screenplay demonstrates significant character changes (87.5th percentile), which can lead to compelling character arcs.
- The dialogue (78.5th percentile) and character development (49.12th percentile) could be improved to create more memorable and relatable characters.
- The internal and external goal scores (52.17th and 45.65th percentiles, respectively) are relatively low, suggesting that the characters' motivations and objectives may need further development.
- Originality (55.43rd percentile) and structure (59.78th percentile) could be enhanced to make the story more unique and coherent.
The writer's style appears to be balanced, with a tendency towards conceptual elements (high plot and concept percentiles), but there is room for improvement in character development and dialogue.
Balancing Elements- The writer can focus on enhancing dialogue and character development to create a more balanced screenplay.
- Developing more distinct and relatable characters through dialogue can help create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
- Further refining the structure and originality of the story can make it more engaging and memorable.
The writer appears to be more conceptual, with high plot and concept percentiles, but could benefit from integrating stronger character development and dialogue.
Overall AssessmentThe screenplay has a strong foundation, with a well-structured plot and engaging narrative. Enhancing character development, dialogue, originality, and structure will contribute to a more balanced and captivating story.
How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library
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Percentile | Before | After |
---|---|---|---|---|
Scene Overall | 9.0 | 100 | - | - |
Scene Plot | 9.0 | 100 | - | - |
Scene Story Forward | 9.0 | 100 | - | - |
Scene High Stakes | 9.3 | 98 | Die Hard: 9.1 | Silence of the lambs: 9.3 |
Scene Conflict Level | 8.7 | 92 | Memento: 8.6 | the dark knight rises: 8.7 |
Scene Formatting | 9.00 | 89 | Baby Driver: 8.98 | Severance: 9.00 |
Script Originality | 9.00 | 87 | The Greatest Showman: 8.75 | Donnie Darko: 9.00 |
Script Structure | 8.38 | 81 | Interstellar: 8.37 | Rambo: 8.38 |
Scene Dialogue | 8.1 | 80 | Swingers: 8.0 | Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 8.1 |
Scene Pacing | 8.50 | 78 | Gladiator: 8.49 | Rambo: 8.50 |
Scene Character Changes | 7.2 | 73 | Gran Torino: 7.1 | Erin Brokovich: 7.2 |
Scene Emotional Impact | 8.1 | 73 | Cruel Intentions: 8.0 | Erin Brokovich: 8.1 |
Script Theme | 8.50 | 71 | Hot Fuzz: 8.25 | Titanic: 8.50 |
Scene External Goal | 7.36 | 60 | Knives Out: 7.34 | Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 7.36 |
Scene Concept | 8.1 | 54 | Gran Torino: 8.0 | Casablanca: 8.1 |
Script Conflict | 7.75 | 51 | Inception: 7.50 | the pursuit of happyness: 7.75 |
Scene Characters | 8.2 | 45 | Hot Fuzz: 8.1 | face/off: 8.2 |
Script Visual Impact | 7.75 | 40 | Midsommar: 7.50 | fight Club: 7.75 |
Script Premise | 7.75 | 39 | Inception: 7.50 | There's something about Mary: 7.75 |
Script Characters | 8.00 | 27 | Midsommar: 7.75 | Casablanca: 8.00 |
Overall Script | 7.78 | 19 | Community: 7.75 | House of cards pilot: 7.78 |
Script Emotional Impact | 7.25 | 14 | Charlie and The Choclate Factory: 7.00 | True Blood: 7.25 |
Scene Internal Goal | 7.98 | 14 | Arsenic and old lace : 7.97 | Schindler's List: 7.98 |
Scene Originality | 6.74 | 13 | Amadeus: 6.68 | Back to the future: 6.74 |
Scene Engagement | 8.60 | 12 | The whale: 8.59 | 500 days of summer: 8.64 |
Script Structure | 7.25 | 9 | 500 days of summer: 6.75 | A Quiet Place: 7.25 |
Scene Unpredictability | 6.98 | 8 | Swingers: 6.87 | the pursuit of happyness: 7.00 |
Writer's Voice
Summary:Gritty, atmospheric, and driven by a sense of urgency and tension, the writer's voice in this screenplay is a captivating force. The narrative immerses the reader in a world filled with danger and desperation, exploring themes of survival and the challenges faced by those who strive for justice in a society marred by violence and corruption.
Best representation: Scene 1 - Urgent Search for Missing Child After Shooting. This opening scene effectively sets the tone for the entire script. It introduces the protagonist, Sixto, and his daughter, Lucia, and immediately thrusts them into a dangerous situation. The scene is filled with tension and suspense, and the lack of dialogue adds to the sense of urgency and danger. The reader is immediately drawn into the story and eager to learn what will happen next.
Memorable Lines:
- Aryan Biker: Go back to Mexico! (Scene 1)
- Wheeler: Only 2% of abducted children make it past the first 48 hours. (Scene 5)
- Norwood Hologram: I killed her. I put a knife in that little girl's stomach. (Scene 11)
- Holloway: I'm so sorry, Rae. (Scene 7)
- PODCAST HOST: Until your realize you're being boiled alive. (Scene 12)
Writing Style:
The writing style in this screenplay is characterized by gritty and atmospheric settings, morally complex characters, and a blend of action, suspense, and introspection. The dialogue is sharp, concise, and often used to drive the plot forward and reveal important information. The screenplay also features elements of mystery, unexpected twists, and a focus on the psychological aspects of the characters' motivations.
Style Similarities:
- Christopher Nolan
- David Ayer
- Aaron Sorkin
Story Shape
Emotions Elicited
Engine: Claude
Recommend
Executive Summary
The screenplay for the TV pilot 'LAPD 2043' presents a compelling and multilayered narrative set in a dystopian future Los Angeles, where two veteran detectives, Rae Wheeler and Ben Holloway, are drawn back into the investigation of a child abduction case from 20 years earlier. The script skillfully interweaves the detectives' personal stories with the unfolding mystery, exploring themes of justice, morality, and the consequences of societal upheaval. While the pacing could be tightened in certain sequences, the overall premise, character development, and thematic depth make this pilot a strong candidate for further consideration.
- The opening sequence effectively establishes the high-stakes, tense environment of Dolly Lake and the dangerous situation Sixto and Lucia Reyes find themselves in. The details, dialogue, and pacing create an immediate sense of urgency and danger that pulls the reader into the story. high ( Scene 1 (INT. MAZDA - CONTINUOUS) )
- The reveal of Holloway's age and the changes that have occurred in the 20 years since Wheeler's accident create a compelling narrative hook. The slow drip of information about what happened to Wheeler, Molly, and Sam keeps the reader engaged and curious to learn more. high ( Scene 6 (INT. MEDICAL CENTER ROOM - LATER) Scene 7 (INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS) )
- The scenes featuring Lozano demonstrate her complexity and depth as a character. Her backstory, motivations, and ethical dilemmas add meaningful layers to the narrative and raise thought-provoking questions about justice, morality, and the compromises one is willing to make. high ( Scene 11 (INT. LI'S SUPPER CLUB - NIGHT) Scene 20 (INT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS) )
- The confrontation between Wheeler and D'Alesio feels a bit rushed and lacks the necessary depth and tension. More time could be spent exploring their history, the stakes involved, and D'Alesio's motivations, which would heighten the drama and make the sequence more impactful. medium ( Scene 16 (INT. BOARD ROOM - CONTINUOUS) Scene 17 (INT. EXECUTIVE BATHROOM - LATER) )
- The climactic confrontation with Prescott feels a bit abrupt and could be expanded upon. More time spent building the tension, exploring Wheeler and Prescott's dynamic, and delving into the details of the sting operation would make the sequence more engaging and suspenseful. medium ( Scene 28 (INT. CANDYLAND NIGHTCLUB - LATER) Scene 29 (INT. HOLLOWAY'S CAR - CONTINUOUS) )
- The reveal of Lucia Reyes being alive and reunited with Guerrero feels a bit rushed and underdeveloped. More time could be spent exploring their reunion, Lucia's story since her abduction, and the emotional impact on the characters, particularly Wheeler and Holloway. medium ( Scene 37 (INT. WHEELER'S CAR - LATER) Scene 38 (INT. APARTMENT - DAY) )
- The inclusion of the missing children memorial and the exploration of the ethical dilemma surrounding the cloned child add depth and complexity to the narrative, raising questions about justice, morality, and the lengths one is willing to go to right past wrongs. high ( Scene 22 (EXT. THE L.A. LIVE COMPLEX - LATER) Scene 23 (EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - DAY) )
- The incorporation of the Dodgers storyline as a thematic and symbolic device is a compelling choice, connecting the characters' personal journeys to the larger cultural and societal changes taking place in the world of the story. medium ( Scene 36 (INT. WHEELER'S APARTMENT - LATER) Scene 42 (EXT. STREET - NIGHT) )
Engine: Gemini
Consider
Executive Summary
LAPD 2043 is a promising TV pilot with a strong premise, engaging characters, and a unique setting. The screenplay effectively blends elements of crime drama, science fiction, and social commentary to create a compelling story. While some areas need improvement, such as character development and pacing, the overall potential for a successful series is evident.
- Strong opening hook with the immediate danger and mystery of Lucia's disappearance. The time jump adds a layer of intrigue and raises questions about the world and characters. The reveal of Lucia's survival is a satisfying twist that keeps the audience engaged. high ( Scene 1 Scene 5 Scene 22 )
- Vivid world-building that creates a believable and disturbing future Los Angeles. The details of societal changes, technological advancements, and the consequences of natural disasters are well-integrated into the story. high ( Scene 2 Scene 6 Scene 14 )
- Complex and flawed characters with compelling motivations. Wheeler and Holloway's dedication to justice and their struggles with personal loss are particularly well-developed. high
- Effective use of dialogue that is both realistic and revealing of the characters' personalities and backgrounds. medium ( Scene 3 Scene 19 )
- Skilful blending of humor and darkness, providing moments of levity without undermining the seriousness of the story. medium ( Scene 11 Scene 20 )
- Wheeler's emotional journey after waking up could be further explored, particularly her reaction to the loss of her sister and the changes in the world. high ( Scene 32 Scene 33 )
- The pacing in the middle of the screenplay could be tightened to maintain momentum and audience engagement. medium
- The resolution of the Prescott storyline feels somewhat rushed and convenient. Exploring alternative methods of apprehending him could add tension and complexity. medium ( Scene 27 )
- The scene with D'Alesio feels slightly out of place and could be streamlined. The information about the Jolly Rancher could be conveyed more efficiently. low ( Scene 16 Scene 17 )
- More exploration of the political and social climate of 2043 Los Angeles would provide context for the characters' actions and the overall story. high
- Further development of the supporting characters, such as Lozano and Guerrero, would enrich the story and provide opportunities for future storylines. medium
- A clearer sense of the overarching mystery or conflict that will drive the series beyond the pilot episode would enhance audience anticipation and investment. medium
- The concept of the 'living billboards' is a striking and memorable detail that adds to the dystopian atmosphere. medium ( Scene 9 )
- The inclusion of 'The Event' as a major turning point in the world's history creates a sense of shared trauma and raises questions about its long-term consequences. medium ( Scene 12 Scene 34 )
- The 'Night of the Disappeared' and the use of holograms to memorialize missing children is a powerful and poignant element that adds emotional depth. medium ( Scene 22 )
- The use of 'Crime-o-pedia' and life-size holograms of criminals is an interesting technological detail that raises questions about privacy and justice in the future. low ( Scene 10 )
- The introduction of Lilly and her tattoos suggests a potential future storyline involving a larger conspiracy or hidden organization. low ( Scene 35 )
Screenplay Insights:
Premise: 7.75, The screenplay presents a captivating blend of neo-noir and science fiction, introducing a complex premise with intriguing elements like time travel, human cloning, and a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles. While the core concept is engaging, certain aspects require further refinement for clarity and sustained audience interest. See More
Structure: 7.25, The screenplay exhibits a solid structure and intriguing plot development, effectively building tension and suspense throughout. However, there are certain areas where the pacing and plot clarity could be improved to enhance the overall storytelling experience. See More
Theme: 8.50, The screenplay effectively explores and conveys its themes of justice, redemption, and the complexities of human nature. The underlying messages of overcoming adversity, seeking truth, and confronting one's past resonate strongly with the narrative and characters. However, some aspects of the script's themes and messages could be further refined to enhance their depth and impact. See More
Visual Impact: 7.75, This screenplay presents a visually striking and innovative approach to storytelling, effectively utilizing vivid and unique imagery to enhance the viewer's experience. Its distinct visual style and immersive imagery effectively complement its gripping narrative. See More
Emotional Impact: 7.25, The screenplay effectively creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional journeys. However, there's room to deepen emotional complexity and explore the characters' inner struggles more profoundly. See More
Conflict: 7.75, The screenplay presents a compelling central conflict and significant stakes, providing a solid foundation for tension and engagement. By enhancing the clarity and integration of conflicts, escalating the stakes, and refining the resolutions, the narrative can amplify its emotional impact and leave a lasting impression on the audience. See More
Originality: 9.0, This screenplay showcases a blend of originality and creativity in its narrative, characters, and themes. It introduces a gripping premise, memorable characters, and thought-provoking subtexts. The incorporation of social issues and the exploration of complex themes add depth to the story, setting it apart from conventional crime thrillers. See More
Screenplay Story Analysis
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Summaries
- Sixto, a nervous driver and father, is driving his 8-year-old daughter Lucia through the city on the hottest night of the year. They encounter threatening groups, including Aryan Bikers and masked protestors, and face mechanical issues with their car. Despite temporarily escaping on a motorcycle, they ultimately lose power and disappear into darkness beneath a bridge. The scene is tense, suspenseful, and chaotic, with visually striking elements and no dialogue.
- Detectives Wheeler and Holloway respond to a shooting scene where Sixto Reyes has been killed in his car. Lucia, Reyes' daughter, is missing, and the detectives quickly order a search for her. They gather evidence, interview witnesses, and begin their investigation with a sense of urgency and suspense.
- Detectives Wheeler and Holloway investigate a kidnapping by reviewing liquor store surveillance footage, spotting a suspicious white 2014 Honda Civic with damage and mud on the license plate. The shopkeeper resists giving them the videotape, but the detectives insist, believing it to be crucial evidence. The scene is filled with tension, and Wheeler notices details linking the car to a previous kidnapping case. The dimly lit liquor store and the urgency of the situation create a suspenseful and dramatic atmosphere.
- Determined detective Wheeler, against her partner Holloway's advice, disobeys orders to pursue a suspected serial abductor in a white 2014 Honda Civic. The chase ends with the cruiser crashing into the LA River and the girl, not Lucia Reyes, falling out of the car and getting injured. Wheeler collapses before reaching the injured girl, unable to save her in time.
- Wheeler, disoriented and weak, wakes up in a hospital room after a long abduction case. She is determined to find Lucia, a girl she was trying to rescue, despite the nurse's attempts to calm her. The arrival of Holloway, now an overweight 64-year-old, adds to the tension and uncertainty in the room. With only 2% of abducted children surviving past the first 48 hours, the clock is ticking, and the stakes are high.
- Holloway helps Wheeler escape from a medical center, revealing she has been in a coma for 20 years due to a traumatic brain injury. Holloway was her ex-girlfriend's research assistant and is determined to help her escape, despite the potential consequences. Wheeler is disoriented and confused, but follows Holloway's lead. The scene is tense and suspenseful, with a sense of urgency and desperation as they navigate the medical center and eventually escape through a stairwell. Wheeler is shown coughing up something black, possibly indicating the effects of the coma.
- In this scene, Holloway and Wheeler walk through a colorless and antiseptic hallway. Holloway shares information about Molly's job at UPS and her eventual move back to Missouri, as well as 'The Event,' a devastating magnitude 9 earthquake on the New Madrid fault line in 2031. Wheeler becomes distraught and leans on Holloway for support, eventually vomiting in the stairwell. The conflict in this scene arises from Wheeler's distress, and the tone is somber and distressing.
- Holloway drives Wheeler through a futuristic city, giving her a glimpse of the world's significant changes since she was put into stasis. Wheeler, disoriented and lost in her thoughts, struggles to process the information. Holloway expresses his regret for not being able to help Wheeler and her family more. The conversation touches on extinct species, Neanderthals in the city, and the Zodiac killer. Wheeler thanks Holloway for paying for her stasis, which he explains as an act of a police officer who doesn't give up on people. The scene has a bittersweet tone, with moments of humor, nostalgia, sadness, and regret. The visuals include a vibrant, neon-lit futuristic city, self-driving cars, and wildfires on the horizon. The scene concludes with Holloway reflecting on the changes in the neighborhood they used to police together.
- Holloway and Wheeler enter a shipping container apartment building, where they discuss the ongoing investigation of the abducted girl, Anna Lozano. Holloway reveals that the girl was kidnapped six days ago and likely intended to be killed and discarded in the pits. The abductor kept her blindfolded, preventing her from identifying him. The scene suggests a connection between this case and past cases, including Sixto and Lucia Reyes. The tone is serious and ominous, with visual elements such as billboards made of human skin and a run-down building adding to the unsettling atmosphere. The scene ends with Holloway opening a door, indicating that the investigation is set to continue.
- Holloway, a private investigator still grieving the loss of his wife and struggling to come to terms with the fact that he was unable to protect his daughter, offers Wheeler his sofa and tells her about his past. They discuss the man who killed Lucia, Casper Norwood, and Wheeler notices Holloway's old-school notes on the wall. Despite his alcoholism and grief, Holloway decides to grab something to eat with Wheeler.
- At Li's Supper Club, detectives Wheeler and Holloway discuss the Casper Norwood case over dinner. Norwood, a man with low mental capacity, has confessed to murdering Lucia. However, Wheeler suspects he's not the real culprit, causing tension between the two investigators. With only three days left before Norwood's execution and no solid leads, the scene is filled with urgency and desperation. A holographic projection of Norwood's confession startles a child, highlighting the gravity of the situation. The scene concludes with Holloway's admission of his struggle to find the real killer.
- Wheeler, experiencing sleep problems and physical pain, watches disaster footage from The Event in Holloway's living room. She goes for a jog at dawn, passing landmarks like the living skyscraper and Dolly Lake while listening to a podcast about the mental effects of the sleepers. The tone is somber and introspective, with the dialogue coming from the podcast and the visuals showing the city coming to life. Wheeler stops running, looking somberly at the spot where Sixto's Mazda was parked.
- Holloway and Wheeler discuss old newspaper comics before shifting their conversation to a potential lead in their case - Vincent Guerrero, a former Cal-Gangs officer who has been deported. They debate the possibility of speaking to him, but ultimately conclude that it's their only option, despite the challenges of tracking him down.
- Wheeler and Holloway visit the misty Port of Los Angeles to find Vincent Guerrero, who works as a faceless mech. Surprised by his presence, Guerrero is given 90 seconds to speak with them by the supervisor. The scene is filled with a mix of curiosity and surprise, as Wheeler acknowledges Guerrero's identity, while Holloway inquires about regulations.
- In the mech repair room, Guerrero replaces his arm with a grab-loader while Wheeler and Holloway drink coffee. They discuss Guerrero's past with the neo-Nazi group AFN and their illegal activities. Wheeler shows Guerrero a sketch of a tattooed biker who may be connected to a murder and disappearance. The trio discuss potential leads, with Guerrero identifying the biker as Sonny D'Alesio. The scene ends with Wheeler asking Guerrero if he knows where they can find D'Alesio.
- Holloway and Wheeler, detectives from South Bureau, visit the New Aon Center in downtown Los Angeles to speak with Sonny D'Alesio. However, the receptionist informs them that Sonny is unavailable for several weeks and suggests scheduling an appointment with his attorney instead. The detectives and the receptionist engage in a tense dialogue, but ultimately, Holloway and Wheeler leave without scheduling an appointment.
- In this scene, Detective Rae Wheeler interrupts Sonny D'Alesio during a merger meeting to question him about a recent abduction and murder. D'Alesio, initially angry, later opens up about his past involvement with AFN and his current focus on developing personalized medicine. The conflict between them remains unresolved as Wheeler continues to question D'Alesio about his past and the Jolly Rancher. The scene ends with D'Alesio revealing the Jolly Rancher's use of a white Honda Civic.
- Holloway and Wheeler, discussing the Jolly Rancher's kidnapping and trafficking operation, decide to find Anna Lozano and the girl from the Honda. Meanwhile, Anna Lozano haggles with a shopkeeper for a bag of base but leaves after receiving a distress call from the 'Big Blue' app.
- Lozano drives through LA's dusk in a rent-a-cruiser, passing by burned bungalows. She checks her gun and vest, revealing a blinking red light. Lozano attempts to charge her vest through the USAC armory, but her payment is declined. She offers CO2 credits as an alternative, while the tense scene builds up with a musclehead threatening a neanderthal prostitute. The scene concludes with Lozano stepping out to confront the musclehead.
- In an overgrown lot and a family home, Lozano chases after the musclehead and engages in a tense standoff with him in the kitchen. She shares a personal story to convince him to surrender, but before the situation can be resolved, two private police officers burst in and fatally shoot the musclehead, also injuring Lozano who is saved by her bulletproof vest. The scene is filled with tension, vulnerability, and desperation.
- In an overgrown lot, bruised and defeated Lozano limps towards her rental cruiser. Suddenly, the cruiser drives away on its own, leaving Lozano behind. Officers Wheeler and Holloway approach her, trying to question her about an incident in 2023. Lozano, surprised to see them, is reluctant to cooperate. The scene ends with Lozano asking Wheeler and Holloway for a ride, as the potential conflict between her and the officers remains unresolved.
- In the desolate ruins of the LA Live Complex, detectives Wheeler, Holloway, and Lozano commemorate the Night of the Disappeared. Lozano discloses his possession of the killer's DNA, cloned six years prior, in a desperate attempt to end the string of abductions. As Holloway dons a pair of glasses, he witnesses holographic representations of the missing children, including Lucia Reyes. The scene concludes with Lozano's solemn declaration that this is his last resort for achieving justice for the lost souls.
- In a suburban neighborhood, Lozano uses facial recognition software to identify a young boy whose parents were unable to conceive. The trio of Lozano, Wheeler, and Holloway observe the family from afar, raising ethical questions about the use of such technology and the implications of manipulating human reproduction. The scene ends with Holloway taking photographs of the boy as the family drives away, leaving the conflicts unresolved.
- Wheeler and Holloway discuss their plan to search old yearbooks to find the abductor, starting at the Los Angeles Central Library. The scene is set in a grand, Art Deco foyer with a two-ton chandelier and Greek bas reliefs. They decide to search for yearbooks in the library's archive, covering five schools and 25 years.
- In the dimly-lit library basement, detectives Lozano, Wheeler, and Holloway search for information on the creator of Taffy & Joe. Lozano identifies the creator as Lonnie Lee Prescott, who died in 2015. As time runs out for Casper Norwood's execution, Lozano and Holloway disagree on how to proceed, with Lozano requesting an hour to find an alternative solution.
- Holloway and Wheeler, while driving through downtown Los Angeles, make a call to former police officer Vincent Guerrero to gather information on Lonnie Lee Prescott. Guerrero shares details of Prescott's domestic assault case from 2010, and reveals Prescott's involvement in trafficking and suspicion of killing Sixto and Lucia Reyes. The scene concludes with Holloway and Wheeler receiving a call from Lozano, who offers them $30,000 in counterfeit bills.
- Wheeler, Holloway, and Lozano meet to plan a sting operation on a human trafficker known as 'Jolly Rancher.' Lozano has found evidence of his activities on the Dark Web and sets up a buy with counterfeit money. The team prepares to meet Jolly Rancher at Candyland that night, but there is tension as they balance the need for evidence to convict him with their eagerness to arrest him.
- Detective Holloway waits outside a seedy nightclub called Candyland as men with LED tattoos arrive in pimped-out cars. Inside, Wheeler, wearing heavy makeup, meets with Prescott in a corner booth to exchange a satchel full of money for a key. Tensions rise when an old acquaintance, Ronnie Tanner, recognizes Wheeler, and Prescott attempts to attack her. Wheeler grabs a gun, but it fails to fire, resulting in Prescott impaling her with a broken bottle. The scene ends with Wheeler's injury, leaving the audience in suspense.
- Holloway waits for Prescott outside the Candyland Nightclub when Prescott, carrying a satchel of counterfeit money, is hit by a bus and killed. Wheeler emerges from the club, covered in blood, and collapses. As a swarm of mosquitoes approaches, causing panic, Holloway rushes to Wheeler's aid and carries him to safety. The scene is intense, chaotic, and suspenseful, with the flashing lights of the bus and the swarm of mosquitoes adding to the danger and urgency.
- In a tense and urgent scene, Holloway takes control of his car and drives through a black cloud event, dragging Wheeler and the ear pig to safety. He switches to manual drive and recklessly weaves through the darkness, evading stopped self-driving vehicles. The group reaches their destination, a building with a neon cross, presumably a medical facility.
- Holloway and Wheeler enter a medical center, with Holloway struggling to support Wheeler's body. They place him on an operating table, where a laser scanner scans Wheeler. Holloway becomes enraged when the machine announces his payment has been declined, but Lozano is able to cover the cost with her insurance. As they wait, Lozano notices a mosquito near Holloway and kills it. The machine examines Wheeler, and the scene ends with Holloway finding a key on the floor. Throughout the scene, Holloway's desperation clashes with Lozano's calmness, adding to the tense and suspenseful atmosphere.
- Wheeler, feeling dejected, watches news footage about the recent violence in Dolly Lake. Holloway informs her that Norwood's execution was stayed and he will be exonerated in a month, and that Prescott was killed in a storage unit filled with trophies from at least 16 other girls. The scene takes place in a hospital room during the day, and ends with Wheeler looking thoughtful and downhearted.
- Wheeler, a gun-bearer with a bio-paired weapon, struggles to get a coffee machine to accept her thumbprint after Holloway asks her to get them coffee. The coffee machine's malfunction serves as a source of frustration while Wheeler is also grappling with the aftermath of 'The Event' she sees on the TV, which displays disaster footage and a woman's distress about not being able to lay her baby to rest. Ultimately, Wheeler remains unsuccessful in her attempts with the coffee machine.
- Holloway discovers the vending machine in City Hall is destroyed, and he sees disaster footage on TV. At the Celestial Church of Christ, a support group meets where Jerry shares about spending time in The Chronicle, and Wheeler recounts losing her sister in a mall. The group leader interrupts Wheeler, causing tension, and Lilly gets into an argument with him. The scene ends with Lilly smoking and an old woman reprimanding her.
- Lilly, adorned with tattoos that later lead Wheeler on a violent journey, is smoking outside a church hall when Wheeler exits. They converse about the Chronicle and Wheeler's desire to avoid it, while Lilly shares details about its workings. The scene concludes with Lilly inquiring about Wheeler's mom's job at Sears, revealing Wheeler's failed piss test.
- Wheeler, the main character, purchases an ancient iPhone and discovers a surreal scene while watching a baseball game on her smart wall. Dixon Tyler hits a home run, and the ball is caught by a young woman over the wall. This suggests that Wheeler may have traveled back in time. The scene is contemplative, and Wheeler is left stunned, indicating that the conflict of time-travel is not resolved in this scene.
- In this scene, characters Wheeler and Lozano work together to locate information about Lucy Reynolds using an old phone and a trawler. The setting alternates between Wheeler's car and Lozano's living room. Lozano uploads an image from the phone to her computer and launches the trawler, which scans thousands of images before finding a match to Lucy Reynolds. The tone is determined and focused, with Wheeler and Lozano working efficiently to find the information they need. The scene ends with Lozano clicking on a video of Lucy Reynolds.
- Wheeler and Holloway interrogate Vincent Guerrero about his sister Cindy and Lucia Reyes, as well as his involvement in planting a gun and jacket at Prescott's. The scene is tense and confrontational, with Wheeler revealing that they know about the planted evidence. The conflict is unresolved, and the scene ends with Guerrero passing them shot glasses and transitioning into a flashback.
- In a tense and suspenseful scene, Sixto's car stalls on a street in Dolly Lake at night, drawing the approach of armed Sonny D'Alesio. Overwhelmed with panic, Sixto accidentally shoots himself in the head while grabbing a gun from the glove compartment. Lucia, silently crying, is helped by Guerrero to hide the gun and Sixto's body, following which Guerrero contacts someone on his cell phone. The scene concludes with Guerrero and Lucia leaving the area, leaving behind the tragic aftermath.
- Guerrero, still grappling with his past actions, helps Lucia, a familiar face from the block, avoid being sent to a detention center or back to Reynosa. He shares his motivations with Wheeler, who understands and smiles at Lucia and her baby in the doorway. With the conflict resolved, Wheeler downs her shot and leaves, signaling a sense of hope and redemption for Guerrero.
- At a press conference in City Hall, Captain Studdebaker boasts about capturing serial killer Lonnie Lee Prescott. Reporter Anna Lozano demands the reinstatement of two wrongfully terminated detectives and a better assignment for herself. Initially dismissive, Studdebaker's attitude changes when another journalist, Holloway, threatens to expose information that could embarrass him. Studdebaker then reluctantly offers Lozano a less desirable posting as a compromise, leading to a tense standoff.
- Wheeler visits a storefront called 'The Chronicle' and experiences a montage of clips showing Molly and Sam's lives, including celebrations, soccer games, a choir concert, a picnic, bullying, and a shooting. The scene is somber and mysterious, ending with Wheeler waking up in shock.
Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:
Character | Arc | Critique | Suggestions |
---|---|---|---|
Wheeler | Wheeler's character arc in the TV pilot begins with her waking up from a 20-year coma, disoriented and confused in a post-apocalyptic world. She is haunted by her past and driven by a strong sense of justice. As the pilot progresses, Wheeler's determination and resilience lead her to uncover clues and navigate the challenges of the new world. She becomes more emotionally vulnerable as she grapples with the changes and her own past, but she remains focused on finding Lucia Reyes. By the end of the pilot, Wheeler's character arc reaches a climax as she confronts the truth about Lucia's disappearance and takes action to bring justice to those responsible. | The character arc for Wheeler in the TV pilot is well-developed and engaging. However, there could be more exploration of her emotional journey and the impact of waking up in a post-apocalyptic world. Additionally, while her determination and resilience are highlighted, there could be more opportunities to showcase her resourcefulness and observational skills in solving the case. The pilot could also benefit from more moments of vulnerability and introspection for Wheeler, allowing the audience to connect with her on a deeper level. | To improve the character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that delve into Wheeler's emotional journey and the challenges she faces in adapting to the post-apocalyptic world. Showcasing her resourcefulness and observational skills in solving the case can add depth to her character and make her more relatable to the audience. Additionally, adding moments of vulnerability and introspection for Wheeler will allow the audience to connect with her on a deeper level and further invest in her journey. Overall, balancing her determination and resilience with moments of vulnerability and showcasing her unique skills will enhance the character arc in the TV pilot. |
Holloway | |||
Guerrero | Guerrero's character arc in the TV pilot begins with him being a deported former officer, working as a faceless mech and providing information to Wheeler and Holloway. As the story progresses, his resourcefulness and knowledge of the criminal underworld become crucial in their investigation. However, Guerrero's encounters with the neo-Nazi group AFN and his personal connection to human trafficking trigger a transformation in him. He starts to question his own past actions and becomes motivated by a desire to help those affected by human trafficking. Guerrero's arc culminates in his pursuit of redemption, as he actively works towards dismantling the criminal networks involved in human trafficking and protecting vulnerable individuals. By the end of the TV pilot, Guerrero has evolved from a jaded and cynical character to someone driven by a strong sense of justice and a commitment to making amends for his past. | The character arc for Guerrero is compelling and provides a strong foundation for his development throughout the TV pilot. However, it would benefit from further exploration of his personal journey and internal conflicts. While his motivation to help those affected by human trafficking is clear, delving deeper into his emotional struggles and the specific events that led to his deportation and involvement with the criminal underworld would add depth to his character. Additionally, the TV pilot could explore Guerrero's relationships with Wheeler and Holloway in more detail, highlighting how they influence his transformation and provide support in his pursuit of redemption. | To improve the character arc, consider incorporating flashback scenes or dialogue that reveal Guerrero's past experiences and the emotional toll they have taken on him. This will allow the audience to empathize with his journey and understand the reasons behind his actions. Additionally, exploring the dynamics between Guerrero, Wheeler, and Holloway can add complexity to their relationships and provide opportunities for character growth. Showcasing moments of vulnerability and conflict within these relationships will make Guerrero's transformation more impactful. Finally, consider incorporating moments of self-reflection and introspection for Guerrero, allowing the audience to witness his internal struggles and the evolution of his convictions. |
Lozano | Lozano starts off as a tough and determined detective with a no-nonsense attitude. However, as the TV pilot progresses, her character arc reveals a deeper vulnerability and empathy. Through her interactions with others and her own personal experiences, Lozano begins to confront her dark past and find a new purpose in life. She learns to give others a second chance and becomes more willing to take risks for the sake of justice. By the end of the pilot, Lozano has transformed into a more well-rounded and compassionate character, still driven by her strong sense of justice but with a newfound understanding of the complexities of the world she inhabits. | The character arc for Lozano is well-developed and provides a satisfying progression for the character. However, it would be beneficial to have more specific moments or scenes that showcase her growth and transformation. Additionally, while the descriptions of Lozano's speaking style are consistent, it would be helpful to have more examples of her sharp one-liners and unique phrases to truly capture her personality. | To improve the character arc, consider incorporating specific moments or scenes where Lozano confronts her dark past and makes choices that reflect her growth and transformation. This could include interactions with other characters who challenge her worldview or situations that force her to question her own beliefs. Additionally, to enhance Lozano's speaking style, include more examples of her sharp one-liners and unique phrases throughout the TV pilot. This will help to further establish her personality and make her dialogue more memorable. |
Theme | Theme Details | Themee Explanation | ||||||||||||
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Justice and Investigation | Detectives Wheeler and Holloway's relentless pursuit of the truth behind Sixto Reyes' murder and Lucia's disappearance, the investigation of the kidnapping on the liquor store footage, and the eventual capture of Lonnie Lee Prescott | The screenplay heavily revolves around the theme of justice and investigation, as the main characters work tirelessly to solve cases and bring perpetrators to justice. This theme is a driving force in the story, creating tension and anticipation as the audience waits to discover the fates of the missing and murdered. | ||||||||||||
Strengthening Justice and Investigation:
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Loss and Grief | Wheeler's coma and the 20-year gap, the disappearance of Lucia Reyes, and the death of Sixto Reyes | Loss and grief are recurring themes in the screenplay, as characters must deal with the emotional consequences of losing loved ones or having them taken away. These themes contribute to the overall melancholic tone of the story and emphasize the stakes of the investigation. | ||||||||||||
Perseverance and Determination | Wheeler's determination to find Lucia despite being in a coma for 20 years, Holloway's unwavering support and commitment to the investigation, and Lozano's pursuit of justice for the missing children | Perseverance and determination are essential themes in the screenplay, as characters face numerous challenges and setbacks but continue to push forward in their quest for answers and justice. This theme highlights the strength of the human spirit and the importance of never giving up. | ||||||||||||
Corruption and Deceit | Guerrero's involvement in the abduction and murder of Sixto Reyes, and the cover-up of the investigation | The theme of corruption and deceit adds a layer of complexity to the story, as characters must navigate a world where not everyone can be trusted. This theme also highlights the challenges faced by law enforcement when dealing with corruption within their own ranks. | ||||||||||||
Futuristic Society and Technology | The advanced medical technology used to keep Wheeler in stasis for 20 years, the futuristic cityscape, and the use of advanced tools in the investigation | The screenplay incorporates elements of a futuristic society and technology to create a unique and engaging backdrop for the story. This theme also serves to emphasize the passage of time and the impact it has on the characters and their world. |
Screenwriting Resources on Themes
Articles
Site | Description |
---|---|
Studio Binder | Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters |
Coverfly | Improving your Screenplay's theme |
John August | Writing from Theme |
YouTube Videos
Title | Description |
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Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics | Screenwriting basics - beginner video |
What is theme | Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay. |
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script | Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts |
Goals and Philosophical Conflict | |
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internal Goals | The protagonist's internal goals in the script evolved as they tried to protect loved ones, solve crimes, find justice, and understand the truth. |
External Goals | The protagonist's external goals in the script evolved as they faced dangerous situations, investigated crimes, pursued suspects, and gathered evidence. |
Philosophical Conflict | The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the pursuit of justice, the importance of family, the corruption of the legal system, and the ethics of cloning and revenge. |
Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's internal goals and conflicts challenge their values, beliefs, and worldview, leading to personal growth, a deeper understanding of justice, and a reevaluation of the system they work for.
Narrative Structure Contribution: The protagonist's evolving goals and conflicts drive the narrative forward, creating tension, suspense, and escalating stakes. They also provide the motivation and direction for the protagonist's actions and decisions.
Thematic Depth Contribution: The protagonist's goals and conflicts explore themes of justice, family, corruption, resilience, and the moral complexities of law enforcement. They raise ethical questions and challenge societal norms, leading to a deeper exploration of the human condition.
Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Articles
Site | Description |
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Creative Screenwriting | How Important Is A Character’s Goal? |
Studio Binder | What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict |
YouTube Videos
Title | Description |
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How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict | How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode. |
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great | By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes |
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals | By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy? |
Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | |||||||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Click for Full Analysis | Tone | Overall | Concept | Plot | Originality | Characters | Character Changes | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Opposition | High stakes | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure | |
1 - Dangerous Nighttime Drive in a City on Edge Improve | Tense, Anxious, Fearful | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
2 - Urgent Search for Missing Child After Shooting Improve | Intense, Suspenseful, Serious | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
3 - Race Against Time: Uncovering Evidence Improve | Tense, Serious, Intense | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
4 - Impulsive Pursuit: A Young Girl in Peril Improve | Intense, Suspenseful, Terrifying | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
5 - Desperate Search in the Dead of Night Improve | Suspenseful, Intense, Desperate | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
6 - Escape from a 20-Year Coma Improve | Intense, Suspenseful, Mysterious | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
7 - Wheeler's Distress in the Hallway Improve | Distraught, Suspenseful, Grim | 9 | 9 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
8 - A Drive Through a Futuristic City: Confronting the Past and the Unknown Improve | Dark, Gritty, Emotional | 9 | 9 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 5 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | |
9 - Investigating the Abduction in the Shipping Container Apartments Improve | Dark, Suspenseful, Grim | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
10 - Holloway's Grief and the Search for Answers Improve | Confused, Distraught, Frustrated | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
11 - Race Against Time: Uncovering the Truth Improve | Grim, Distraught, Menacing, Childlike | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
12 - Wheeler's Sleepless Night and Somber Jog Improve | Intense, Disturbing, Mysterious | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
13 - Investigating a Lead: Vincent Guerrero's Deportation Improve | Distraught, Confused, Nostalgic, Informative | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
14 - Reunion at the Port: Wheeler and Guerrero Improve | Tense, Mysterious, Emotional | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
15 - Investigating AFN and the Tattooed Biker Improve | Gritty, Suspenseful, Emotional | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
16 - Uncooperative Receptionist at New Aon Center Improve | Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic | 9 | 8 | 9 | 4 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
17 - Confrontation in the Boardroom: D'Alesio and the Detective Improve | Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
18 - Holloway and Wheeler Strategize while Anna Lozano Receives a Distress Call Improve | Tense, Dark, Suspenseful | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
19 - Lozano's Self-Driving Confrontation Improve | Intense, Suspenseful, Dark | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
20 - Lozano's Standoff and the Fatal Intervention Improve | Intense, Suspenseful, Dark | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
21 - Lozano's Escape and Request for Help Improve | Tense, Dark, Gritty | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
22 - Noche de los desaparecidos: A Bittersweet Quest for Justice Improve | Dark, Gritty, Mysterious | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
23 - Discovery of a Genetically Engineered Boy and the Ethical Dilemma Improve | Tense, Suspenseful, Dark | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
24 - Investigating the Abduction: Searching for Yearbooks Improve | Tense, Suspenseful, Gritty | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 5 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
25 - Racing Against Time: The Search for Lonnie Lee Prescott Improve | Tense, Suspenseful, Gritty | 9 | 9 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
26 - Investigating Lonnie Lee Prescott: A Suspenseful Ride Through Downtown Los Angeles Improve | Tense, Suspenseful, Dark | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
27 - Planning the Sting on the Jolly Rancher Improve | Intense, Suspenseful, Dark | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
28 - Double-Cross at Candyland Improve | Dark, Intense, Suspenseful | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
29 - Prescott's Fatal Greed and the Mosquito Swarm Improve | Tense, Dark, Action-packed | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
30 - Escape from the Black Cloud Improve | Tense, Dark, Suspenseful | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
31 - Desperate Measures in the Medical Center Improve | Tense, Suspenseful, Dark | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
32 - Wheeler's Disappointment and Reflection Improve | Dark, Gritty, Intense | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
33 - Frustrations Amidst Grief: Wheeler and the Coffee Machine Improve | Tense, Dark, Gritty | 9 | 8 | 9 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
34 - Disaster Support Group Meeting at the Celestial Church of Christ Improve | Tense, Grim, Emotional | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 10 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | |
35 - A Casual Encounter with Cigarettes and Secrets Improve | Dark, Intense, Mysterious | 9 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
36 - Wheeler's Surreal Time-Travel Experience Improve | Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 6 | 10 | 10 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
37 - Finding Lucy Reynolds: A Digital Investigation Improve | Suspenseful, Intense, Dark | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 10 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
38 - Interrogation and Confrontation at Guerrero's Apartment Improve | Suspenseful, Intense, Dark | 9 | 8 | 9 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
39 - Sixto's Fatal Misstep: A Tragic Encounter in Dolly Lake Improve | Suspenseful, Intense, Dark | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
40 - A Moment of Understanding and Redemption Improve | Intense, Emotional, Gritty | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
41 - Captain Studdebaker's Confrontation with Reporter Lozano Improve | Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
42 - Wheeler's Somber Investigation Improve | Dark, Intense, Suspenseful | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 |
Summary of Scene Level Analysis
Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.
Scene Strengths
- Engaging plot
- Intense suspense
- Engaging dialogue
- High stakes
- Intriguing concept
Scene Weaknesses
- Limited character development
- Limited exploration of themes
- Limited emotional impact
- Dialogue could be more impactful
- Limited character change in the scene
Suggestions
- Focus on developing well-rounded and dynamic characters to increase emotional impact and reader engagement.
- Explore themes more thoroughly and consistently throughout the screenplay.
- Work on crafting dialogue that is both memorable and impactful.
- Ensure that character change is clearly demonstrated and significant in each scene.
- Consider adding more descriptive language to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the screenplay.
- Physical environment: The screenplay takes place in a dystopian, futuristic version of Los Angeles with unique physical characteristics such as hulking machines, cranes, overgrown lots, rotting fences, and houses in disrepair. There are also advanced technological elements such as self-driving vehicles, neon signs, and a Smart Wall displaying disaster footage.
- Culture: The cultural elements present in the screenplay include a Carbon-Eater, a makeshift memorial for missing Latino children, and references to the deportation of Vincent Guerrero. There is also a focus on business and mergers, as well as a fast-paced and busy nature of the city.
- Society: The societal structure is depicted as hierarchical, with authority figures such as detectives, businessmen, and a security guard. There are also elements of crime and danger, as well as a sense of disillusionment and a dark underbelly of the city.
- Technology: The technological elements present in the screenplay include self-driving vehicles, holograms, medical technology, and advanced surveillance systems. There is also a focus on the use of technology for investigative purposes, such as a digital trawler and a bud in Lozano's ear for communication.
- Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions by creating a sense of danger, urgency, and the need for the protagonists to take action. The characters must navigate this complex world in order to solve the mystery and find the truth.
- Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative of the screenplay by creating a sense of tension, urgency, and mystery. The dystopian setting and advanced technology create a backdrop for the story, while the cultural and societal elements add depth and complexity to the narrative.
- Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring themes of memory, loss, and the passage of time. The use of old newspaper comics, yearbooks, and photos of missing children create a sense of nostalgia and history, while the futuristic setting and advanced technology create a contrast between the past and the present.
Voice Analysis | |
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Summary: | Gritty, atmospheric, and driven by a sense of urgency and tension, the writer's voice in this screenplay is a captivating force. The narrative immerses the reader in a world filled with danger and desperation, exploring themes of survival and the challenges faced by those who strive for justice in a society marred by violence and corruption. |
Voice Contribution | The writer's voice contributes to the script by: |
Best Representation Scene | 1 - Dangerous Nighttime Drive in a City on Edge |
Best Scene Explanation | This opening scene effectively sets the tone for the entire script. It introduces the protagonist, Sixto, and his daughter, Lucia, and immediately thrusts them into a dangerous situation. The scene is filled with tension and suspense, and the lack of dialogue adds to the sense of urgency and danger. The reader is immediately drawn into the story and eager to learn what will happen next. |
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
Pattern | Explanation |
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Correlation between Emotional Impact and Overall Grade | There is a strong positive correlation between Emotional Impact and Overall Grade in this screenplay. Scenes with higher Emotional Impact tend to have higher Overall Grades. |
Correlation between Conflict and High Stakes | There is a strong positive correlation between Conflict and High Stakes in this screenplay. Scenes with higher Conflict tend to have higher High Stakes. |
Correlation between Dialogue and Character Changes | There is a moderate positive correlation between Dialogue and Character Changes in this screenplay. Scenes with more Dialogue tend to have more Character Changes. |
Correlation between Tone and Emotional Impact | There is a weak positive correlation between Tone and Emotional Impact in this screenplay. Scenes with certain tones like 'Intense' or 'Suspenseful' tend to have slightly higher Emotional Impact. |
Correlation between Concept and Plot | There is a strong positive correlation between Concept and Plot in this screenplay. Scenes with higher Concept tend to have higher Plot scores. |
Writer's Craft Overall Analysis
The screenplay displays a strong command of language and storytelling techniques, with vivid descriptions, impactful dialogue, and distinct tones throughout the scenes. The writer effectively conveys tense and dangerous atmospheres, investigative settings, and emotional moments, demonstrating a proficiency in various genres and styles.
Key Improvement Areas
Suggestions
Type | Suggestion | Rationale |
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Book | Story by Robert McKee | This book provides in-depth analysis and guidance on crafting compelling stories and characters, which would enhance the writer's screenwriting skills. |
Exercise | Write a scene with a different genre or tone to expand your writing skills and explore new storytelling techniques.Practice In SceneProv | By challenging yourself to write in different genres or tones, you can expand your writing skills and explore new storytelling techniques, enhancing your overall craft as a screenwriter. |
Screenplay | Read 'L.A. Confidential' by Brian Helgeland or 'No Country for Old Men' by Cormac McCarthy | These screenplays are known for their atmospheric writing style and morally complex characters, which aligns with the strengths of the writer's scenes. Reading these screenplays can provide inspiration for further developing the writer's craft. |
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
Trope | Trope Details | Trope Explanation |
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Missing Person Investigation | Detectives Wheeler and Holloway search for Lucia Reyes, who is missing after her father's murder. | The Missing Person Investigation trope is a common plot device in crime dramas where detectives search for a missing person, often uncovering clues and unraveling a larger mystery in the process. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'True Detective' where detectives investigate the disappearance of a young girl and discover a series of interconnected crimes. |
Car Chase | Detectives Wheeler and Holloway pursue a white 2014 Honda Civic in a car chase. | The Car Chase trope is a classic action sequence where characters engage in a high-speed pursuit. This trope is often used to create tension and excitement in a story. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'The French Connection' where two detectives chase a suspect through the streets of New York City. |
Amnesia | Detective Wheeler wakes up in a hospital room with amnesia after being in a coma for 20 years. | The Amnesia trope is a common plot device where a character loses their memory, often leading to a journey of self-discovery and uncovering hidden truths. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Memento' where the protagonist suffers from short-term memory loss and must rely on notes and tattoos to piece together his past. |
Dystopian Future | Holloway drives Wheeler through a futuristic city and explains the significant changes that have occurred since she was in a coma. | The Dystopian Future trope is often used in science fiction to depict a future society that is oppressive, chaotic, or drastically different from the present. This trope allows for exploration of social and political themes. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Blade Runner' where a detective navigates a futuristic Los Angeles filled with advanced technology and social unrest. |
Time Travel | Wheeler sees a baseball game where a young woman catches a ball, suggesting she may have time-traveled. | The Time Travel trope involves characters traveling through time, often leading to paradoxes, alternate timelines, or the ability to change the past or future. This trope allows for exploration of cause and effect and can create complex narrative structures. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Back to the Future' where a teenager travels back in time and must ensure his parents meet to secure his own existence. |
Corrupt Authority | Detectives Wheeler and Holloway encounter corrupt police officers and face resistance in their investigation. | The Corrupt Authority trope involves characters in positions of power abusing their authority for personal gain or to cover up wrongdoing. This trope often highlights themes of corruption and the struggle for justice. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'The Wire' where police officers are involved in drug trafficking and other criminal activities. |
Serial Killer | Detectives Wheeler and Holloway investigate a serial killer known as 'Jolly Rancher' who is involved in human trafficking. | The Serial Killer trope involves a character who commits multiple murders with a specific pattern or motive. This trope is often used in crime dramas to create suspense and mystery. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Se7en' where two detectives track down a serial killer who uses the seven deadly sins as inspiration for his crimes. |
Post-Apocalyptic Setting | Holloway and Wheeler navigate a city devastated by an earthquake and discuss the changes in society. | The Post-Apocalyptic Setting trope involves a story set in a world after a major disaster or event that has caused widespread destruction and societal collapse. This trope allows for exploration of survival, human nature, and the rebuilding of society. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Mad Max: Fury Road' where characters navigate a post-apocalyptic wasteland ruled by violent factions. |
Conspiracy | Wheeler and Holloway uncover a conspiracy involving human trafficking and corrupt officials. | The Conspiracy trope involves characters discovering a secret plot or organization that operates behind the scenes, often involving powerful individuals or institutions. This trope allows for exploration of themes such as government corruption, hidden agendas, and the struggle for truth. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'The X-Files' where two FBI agents investigate paranormal phenomena and uncover a vast government conspiracy. |
Redemption | Holloway seeks redemption for his past failures and tries to make amends for his mistakes. | The Redemption trope involves a character seeking forgiveness or trying to make up for past mistakes or wrongdoings. This trope often explores themes of guilt, forgiveness, and personal growth. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'The Shawshank Redemption' where a man in prison works to redeem himself and find hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. |
Memorable lines in the script:
Some Loglines to consider:
In a dystopian future Los Angeles, two veteran detectives are drawn back into the investigation of a child abduction case from 20 years ago, uncovering a web of corruption, trafficking, and technological advancements that have reshaped the city and its inhabitants. |
A pair of seasoned LAPD detectives must navigate the changed landscape of a future Los Angeles to unravel the mystery of a child abduction case that has haunted them for decades, confronting their own pasts and the moral compromises that have shaped the world around them. |
When a decades-old child abduction case is reopened, two detectives find themselves at the center of a complex investigation that forces them to confront the societal upheaval and technological advancements that have transformed Los Angeles into a city on the brink of collapse. |
In the year 2043, a pair of veteran LAPD detectives are drawn back into a child abduction case from their past, a journey that forces them to grapple with the personal and professional consequences of the dramatic changes that have reshaped the city and its people. |
A gripping police procedural set in a dystopian future Los Angeles, where two detectives must navigate a web of corruption, technological advancements, and their own personal demons to uncover the truth behind a child abduction case from 20 years ago. |
A detective awakens from a 20-year coma to find a changed Los Angeles and must team up with an old partner to solve the cold case that put her in stasis. |
In a dystopian future Los Angeles, two detectives grapple with personal loss and a corrupt system as they investigate the disappearance of a young girl. |
A time-displaced cop and her aging partner navigate a world of technological advancements, social unrest, and private police forces as they seek justice for the forgotten. |
When a child abductor resurfaces 20 years later, a detective who was his victim must confront her past and the consequences of her actions. |
The lines between justice and revenge blur as a detective uses unconventional methods to track down a child killer in a futuristic Los Angeles. |
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Engine: Claude
Recommend
Explanation: The screenplay for the TV pilot 'LAPD 2043' presents a compelling and multilayered narrative set in a dystopian future Los Angeles, where two veteran detectives, Rae Wheeler and Ben Holloway, are drawn back into the investigation of a child abduction case from 20 years earlier. The script skillfully interweaves the detectives' personal stories with the unfolding mystery, exploring themes of justice, morality, and the consequences of societal upheaval. While the pacing could be tightened in certain sequences, the overall premise, character development, and thematic depth make this pilot a strong candidate for further consideration.
Engine: Gemini
Consider
Explanation: LAPD 2043 is a promising TV pilot with a strong premise, engaging characters, and a unique setting. The screenplay effectively blends elements of crime drama, science fiction, and social commentary to create a compelling story. While some areas need improvement, such as character development and pacing, the overall potential for a successful series is evident.