The usual suspects

Executive Summary

Overview

Genres: Crime, Thriller, Drama, Mystery

Setting: Contemporary, Various locations in New York City

Themes: Betrayal, Identity, Crime and Consequences, Power and Control, Deception

Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflict revolves around the group's involvement with Keyser Soze and their attempts to navigate dangerous situations while trying to protect themselves and their loved ones. The stakes are high as they face the threat of death and betrayal.

Overall Mood: Tense and Suspenseful

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: Scene 1: Chaotic and explosive with a sense of danger
  • Scene 15: Scene 15: Apprehensive and tense as Keaton realizes he is finished

Standout Features:

  • Plot Twist: The revelation of Keyser Soze's true identity and the manipulation of the narrative
  • Unique Setting: The use of various locations in New York City to create a sense of danger and urgency
  • Complex Characters: The multi-dimensional and morally ambiguous characters that drive the story
  • Intricate Storytelling: The non-linear narrative structure and the use of Verbal Kint's voiceover
  • Tense and Suspenseful Tone: The overall mood of tension and apprehension throughout the screenplay

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Usual Suspects
  • Heat
  • Reservoir Dogs
  • The Departed
  • The Godfather
  • The Dark Knight
  • Pulp Fiction
  • The Shawshank Redemption
  • Fight Club
  • Inception
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: The screenplay is recommended due to its strong opening that immediately grabs the reader's attention, effective use of visual and auditory elements to create tension and suspense, and well-written dialogue that conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. The use of the match and the flame as a visual motif throughout the scene is effective in creating a sense of danger and impending doom, and the introduction of Verbal Kint's voiceover adds an intriguing layer to the scene. However, there are areas of improvement, such as the smoother transition between scenes, providing more clarity on the significance of certain elements, and making the introduction of Keyser Soze more impactful and mysterious. Additionally, a clearer establishment of the main conflict, more development of the characters and their relationships, and a stronger sense of stakes and consequences are needed. Notable points include the effective use of visual elements to enhance the atmosphere, the insight provided by the dialogue between Edie and Keaton, and the need for smoother transitions and clearer explanations in certain scenes.


USP: The Unique Selling Proposition in this screenplay is the intense and suspenseful exploration of the criminal underworld, filled with complex characters and unexpected twists. The script stands out from others in its genre through its innovative storytelling techniques, such as the use of non-linear narrative and unreliable narration. The scenes are filled with tension and apprehension, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats. The script's unique elements, including the conflict between the criminals and corrupt cops, the revelation of Keaton's dark past, and the mysterious and enigmatic character of Keyser Soze, make it compelling and intriguing for its target audience. This script offers a fresh and captivating take on the crime thriller genre, making it a must-watch for fans of suspenseful storytelling.
Market Analaysis

Budget Estimate:$20-30 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of crime thrillers and suspenseful dramas

Marketability: The screenplay offers a compelling and intricate storyline with well-developed characters. The presence of a mysterious and enigmatic antagonist adds to the marketability. The film has the potential to attract a wide adult audience and generate positive word-of-mouth.

Profit Potential: High, due to the strong appeal to a wide adult audience and the potential for critical acclaim and award nominations.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Screenplay Score percentiles against the scripts in our Library
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by tense and atmospheric descriptions, realistic and impactful dialogue, and concise and descriptive narrative. The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a sense of tension, suspense, and danger. The vivid descriptions, sparse dialogue, and focused scene direction enhance the mood and themes of the screenplay, adding depth and complexity to the characters and their interactions.

Best representation: Scene 16 - Interrogation. This scene could serve as the encapsulation of the writer's unique voice in the screenplay because it showcases their ability to create tension and suspense through dialogue and concise narrative description.

Memorable Lines:

  • Verbal: The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. (Scene 23)
  • Kovash: Keyser Soze. The Devil himself. (Scene 9)
  • Verbal: I shivved him. (Scene 18)
  • Keaton: All of you can go to hell. (Scene 25)
  • Verbal: How do you shoot the Devil in the back? (Scene 31)
Characters

Dean Keaton:Injured and conflicted character, involved with Keyser Soze

Verbal Kint:Narrator and key character, involved with Keyser Soze

Keyser Soze:Mysterious and powerful criminal mastermind

Edie Finneran:Love interest of Dean Keaton

McManus:Member of the group involved in criminal activities

Story Shape
Genres: Crime, Thriller, Drama, Mystery

Overview The Usual Suspects is a crime thriller that follows a group of criminals who are brought together for a high-stakes heist. As they plan and execute the job, tensions rise and loyalties are tested. The story takes a twist when the true identity of one of the criminals is revealed, leading to a shocking climax.

Theme The central themes of The Usual Suspects are betrayal, identity, crime and consequences, power and control, and deception.

Characters The main characters in The Usual Suspects are Dean Keaton, McManus, Hockney, Fenster, Verbal, and Kujan. Each character has their own motivations and secrets, which drive the plot and create conflict.

Conflict The main conflict in The Usual Suspects is the tension and distrust among the group of criminals as they plan and execute the heist. The conflict evolves as the true identity of one of the criminals is revealed, leading to a power struggle and a race against time to uncover the truth.

Story Telling The Usual Suspects employs a nonlinear narrative structure, with flashbacks and voiceovers that gradually reveal the truth behind the heist and the characters' motivations. The script also uses dialogue and visual cues to create tension and suspense.

Tone and Style The Usual Suspects has a dark and atmospheric tone, with a focus on suspense and mystery. The script combines intense dialogue, vivid descriptions, and unexpected twists to keep the audience engaged and guessing.

Setting The story is set in various locations in New York City, including a boat, a police station, and a hospital. The settings play a crucial role in creating a sense of danger and urgency, as well as reflecting the characters' moral ambiguity.

Audience The Usual Suspects is intended for an adult audience who enjoys crime thrillers and complex narratives. It appeals to viewers who appreciate intricate storytelling, unexpected plot twists, and morally ambiguous characters.



Note: The ratings are the averages over each scene.
The Percentile is against the screenplays in our library.
Title
Grade
Percentile
Overall8.8  97
Concept 7.8  57
Plot 8.8  98
Characters 8.5  86
Dialogue 8.6 97
Emotional Impact 8.1 87
Conflict Level 9.2 97
At least one Character Changes in the scene 7.3 94
Story Moves Forward 8.9 100
High Stakes 9.4 97
Internal Goal Score 7.9 21
External Goal Score 7.4 38
Originality Score 6.1 23
Engagement Score 8.9 90
Pacing Score 8.4 59
Formatting Score 9.0 62
Structure Score 8.1 26



Genres: Crime, Thriller, Drama, Mystery



Summary The movie revolves around a group of criminals, led by Keaton, who find themselves targeted by the police. They are brought into an interrogation room and questioned about a stolen truck-load of guns, with the police using aggressive tactics to try and extract information. Meanwhile, Verbal narrates the unfairness of the situation and the conflict between the criminals and the police is highlighted. As the movie progresses, Keaton and his group execute a daring heist on corrupt cops running a taxi service, leading to a chaotic shootout. However, they soon realize that they have unknowingly stolen from the infamous Keyser Soze. They are then approached by Mr. Kobayashi, who offers them a dangerous job to repay their debt to Soze. Throughout the movie, Verbal is interrogated by Agent Kujan about Keaton's involvement in criminal activities. Kujan reveals Keaton's dark past and alleged death, challenging Verbal's claims of his innocence. Tensions rise as Verbal tries to defend Keaton, but ultimately realizes the truth about Keaton being Keyser Soze. Feeling betrayed, Verbal decides to take his chances rather than becoming a rat and leaves the room. The movie portrays a tense and suspenseful plot, showcasing the conflicts between the criminals, the police, and the mysterious Keyser Soze. It keeps the audience engaged with its twists and turns, leading to a shocking revelation in the end.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot/story of the screenplay is engaging and suspenseful, with a strong sense of tension throughout. The use of multiple locations and characters adds depth to the story and keeps the audience engaged. The dialogue is well-written and helps to develop the characters and their relationships. The visual elements, such as the use of shadows and bright light, effectively create a sense of danger and urgency. However, there are some areas where the story could be improved. The lack of significant conflict or resolution in some scenes may leave the audience wanting more. Additionally, the repetition of certain scenes and dialogue can make the story feel repetitive at times. Overall, the plot/story is solid and engaging, but could benefit from some refinement.

Suggestions: To improve the plot/story, consider adding more significant conflict and resolution in each scene to create a stronger sense of tension and progression. Additionally, try to vary the dialogue and scenes more to avoid repetition and keep the story fresh. Consider exploring the characters' motivations and backstories further to add depth and complexity to their arcs. Finally, consider tightening the pacing of the story to maintain the audience's interest and keep them engaged throughout.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere, strong conflict, gripping tension
  • Intense conflict, sharp dialogue, high stakes
  • Tense and conflict-filled dialogue, revelation of Keaton's dark past, high-stakes and suspenseful plot
  • Intense and gripping storytelling, strong performances, tension and conflict
  • The impactful revelation of Keaton being Keyser Soze, intense dialogue, emotional journey of Verbal
Scene Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of theme
  • Limited character development, theme could be further explored
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Lack of significant character development
  • The scene may be overwhelming for some viewers due to the chaotic shootout and the sudden twist of Verbal shooting Saul
Suggestions
  • Further explore the theme and develop nuanced dialogue
  • Improve character development to make the audience connect more deeply
  • Add visual elements to enhance tension and suspense
  • Consider the potential impact of intense scenes on viewers
  • Balance dialogue with visual action

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Story Forward 8.9  98 Silence of the lambs: 8.8 The usual suspects: 8.9
Plot 8.8  97 A Quiet Place: 8.7 Silence of the lambs: 8.8
Conflict Level 9.2  96 The Usual Suspects: 9.1 Everything everywhere all at once: 9.2
Dialogue 8.6  96 What we do in the shadows: 8.4 Easy A: 8.6
High Stakes 9.4  95 Silence of the lambs: 9.3 Dr. Strangelove: 9.4
Overall 8.8  95 Community: 8.6 Terminator 2: 8.8
Character Changes 7.3  93 Silence of the lambs: 7.2 The usual suspects: 7.3
Engagement 8.88  88 Thor: 8.83 The usual suspects: 8.88
Emotional Impact 8.1  86 The Shawshank Redemption: 8.0 the boys (TV): 8.1
Characters 8.5  82 Breaking bad: 8.4 the black list (TV): 8.5
Pacing 8.44  55 Breaking bad, episode 306: 8.43 Silence of the lambs: 8.44
Concept 7.8  50 Stranger things: 7.7 Get Out: 7.8
Formatting 9.00  46 Mind Hunter: 8.95 Severance: 9.00
External Goal 7.38  37 The sweet hereafter: 7.35 The usual suspects: 7.38
Structure 8.09  24 Breaking bad: 8.07 The usual suspects: 8.09
Originality 6.09  21 Mind Hunter: 6.05 Stranger things: 6.09
Internal Goal 7.88  18 Everything Everywhere All at Once: 7.86 Thor: 7.88



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 The Usual Suspects - Scene 1 Lonely, Dark, Intense 9 8 96 9 787989978 89899
2 The Setup Violent, Intense, Suspenseful 8 7 86 9 689988977 79998
3 The Meeting Suspenseful, Intense, Serious 8 7 86 7 687999887 99798
4 Interrogation Room Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic 8 7 86 7 687979877 99898
5 Interrogation Room Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational 9 8 96 8 787989878 79998
6 Interrogation Room Tense, Confrontational, Sarcastic 9 8 97 9 7869810978 89998
7 Interrogation Room Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational 9 8 96 8 7879710968 97898
8 Interrogation Room Intense, Tense, Confrontational 8 7 89 7 687989877 69898
9 Interrogation Room Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational 9 8 96 9 787989978 89998
10 Interrogation Room Intense, Confrontational, Serious 9 8 96 8 7879910978 99898
11 Interrogation Room Intense, Tense, Dramatic 9 8 96 8 7879710978 99898
12 Interrogation and Offer Tense, Confrontational, Emotional 9 8 96 9 789999978 109898
13 The Heist Intense, Suspenseful, Tense 9 8 99 8 7899910988 89997
14 The Heist Intense, Tense, Dramatic 9 8 97 8 6879610977 89898
15 The Revelation Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational 9 8 96 9 78710910978 109898
16 Verbal's Interrogation Tense, Confrontational, Suspenseful 9 8 96 9 88710910979 109898
17 Interrogation Tension, Conflict 9 8 96 9 887979978 99898
18 Interrogation and Revelation Tense, Conflict 8 7 86 9 878979977 99898
19 The Heist Tense, Conflict 9 8 94 8 7791089978 79998
20 Revelations and Confrontations Tense, Conflict 9 8 96 9 787989978 89998
21 The Revelation Tense, Conflict 9 8 97 9 98710891089 109999
22 The Proposal Tense, Conflict-filled 9 8 96 8 7899810978 99998
23 The Legend of Keyser Soze Tense, Dark 9 8 98 9 88710910989 89999
24 Verbal's Defense Tension, Conflict 9 8 95 8 7871089968 109798
25 Burial of Fenster Tense, Conflict 9 8 96 9 787989878 99998
26 The Burial Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational 9 8 96 9 7879810978 109998
27 Burial and Betrayal Tense, Menacing, Resigned 8 7 86 9 787999878 99898
28 The Burial Tense, Heated, Agonizing, Frightened 9 8 95 9 8799810979 89998
29 Burial and Revelation Tense, Heated, Horror 9 8 93 8 7871089968 99998
30 Burial and Betrayal Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 8 96 9 88710810979 89998
31 Burial and Interrogation Tense, Heated, Terrifying 9 8 97 9 887989989 89999
32 The Revelation Tense, Revealing, Emotional 9 8 96 9 98799109710 109898
33 The Revelation Tense, Serious 9 8 95 8 9789710969 97898
34 The Betrayal Tense, Suspenseful, Betrayal 9 8 95 9 987989979 99998


Scene 1 - The Usual Suspects - Scene 1
THE USUAL SUSPECTS

by

Christopher McQuarrie




FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY




Revised, 05/25/94
White Revised, 06/01/94
Blue Revised, 06/07/94
Pink Revised, 06/11/94




Converted to PDF by ScreenTalk™ Online
http://www.screentalk.org
1 BLACK 1

The lonely sound of a buoy bell in the distance. Water
slapping against a smooth, flat surface in rhythm. The
creaking of wood.

Off in the very far distance, one can make out the sound of
sirens.

SUDDENLY, a single match ignites and invades the darkness. It
quivers for a moment. A dimly lit hand brings the rest of the
pack to the match. A plume of yellow-white flame flares and
illuminates the battered face of DEAN KEATON, age forty. His
salty-gray hair is wet and matted. His face drips with water
or sweat. A large cut runs the length of his face from the
corner of his eye to his chin. It bleeds freely. An unlit
cigarette hangs in the corner of his mouth.

In the half-light we can make out that he is on the deck of a
large boat. A yacht, perhaps, or a small freighter. He sits
with his back against the front bulkhead of the wheel house.
His legs are twisted at odd, almost impossible angles. He
looks down.

A thin trail of liquid runs past his feet and off into the
darkness. Keaton lights the cigarette on the burning pack of
matches before throwing them into the liquid.

The liquid IGNITES with a poof.

The flame runs up the stream, gaining in speed and intensity.
It begins to ripple and rumble as it runs down the deck
towards the stern.

2 EXT. BOAT - NIGHT - STERN 2

A stack of oil drums rests on the stern. They are stacked on
a palette with ropes at each corner that attach it to a huge
crane on the dock. One of the barrels has been punctured at
it's base. Gasoline trickles freely from the hole. The flame
is racing now towards the barrels. Keaton smiles weakly to
himself.
2.

The flame is within a few yards of the barrels when another
stream of liquid splashes onto the gas.

The flame fizzles out pitifully with a hiss. Two feet
straddle the flame. A stream of urine flows onto the deck
from between them.

BLUE 06/01/94

The sound of a fly zipping. Follow the feet as they move over
to where Keaton rests at the wheel house.

CRANE UP to the waist of the unknown man. He pulls a pack of
cigarettes out of one pocket and a strange antique lighter
from the other. It is gold, with a clasp that folds down over
the flint. The man flicks up the clasp with his thumb and
strikes it with his index finger. It is a fluid motion,
somewhat showy.

Keaton looks up at the man. A look of realization crosses his
face. It is followed by frustration, anger, and finally
resignation.

VOICE (O.S.)
How are you, Keaton?

KEATON
I'd have to say my spine was broken,
Keyser.

He spits the name out like it was poison.

The man puts the lighter back in his pocket and reaches under
his jacket. He produces a stainless .38 revolver.

VOICE (O.S.)
Ready?

KEATON
What time is it?

The hand with the gun turns over, turning the gold watch on
its wrist upward.
3.

The sound of sirens is closer now. Headed this way.

VOICE (O.S.)
Twelve thirty.

Keaton grimaces bitterly and nods. He turns his head away and
takes another drag. The hand with the gun waits long enough
for Keaton to enjoy his last drag before pulling the trigger.

GUNSHOT

The sound of Keaton's body slumping onto the deck.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MOVE OUT ACROSS THE DECK. Below is the stream of gasoline
still flowing freely. The sound of the gasoline igniting.

The flame runs in front of us towards the barrels, finally
leaping up in a circle around the drums, burning the wood of
the pallet and licking the spouting stream as it pours from
the hole.

MOVE OUT ACROSS THE DOCK, away from the boat.

The pier to which the boat is moored is littered with DEAD
BODIES. Twenty or more men have been shot to pieces and lie
scattered everywhere in what can only be the aftermath of a
fierce fire-fight.

A BARGE COMES INTO VIEW.

On the deck of the barge is a tangle of cables and girders.
The mesh of steel and rubber leaves a dark and open cocoon
beneath its base.

MOVE INTO THE DARKNESS.

Sirens are close now. Almost here. The sound of fire raging
out of control.

SIRENS BLARING. TIRES SQUEALING. CAR DOORS OPENING. FEET
POUNDING THE PAVEMENT.
4.

MOVE FURTHER, SLOWER, INTO THE DARKNESS

Voices yelling. New light flickering in the surrounding
darkness.

SUDDENLY, AN EXPLOSION.

Then silence. TOTAL BLACKNESS.

We hear the voice of ROGER "VERBAL" KINT, whom we will soon
meet.

VERBAL (V.O.)
New York. - six weeks ago. A truck loaded
with stripped gun parts got jacked
outside of Queens. The driver didn't see
anybody, but somebody fucked up. He heard
a voice. Sometimes, that's all you need.

YELLOW 06/11/94

BOOM
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens with Dean Keaton, a battered and injured man, on the deck of a boat. He lights a cigarette and ignites a stream of liquid, causing a fire to spread towards a stack of oil drums. Just as the flame reaches the barrels, another man urinates on the fire, extinguishing it. The unknown man approaches Keaton, reveals himself as Keyser, and shoots Keaton. The scene then transitions to a pier littered with dead bodies and a barge with a dark and open cocoon beneath it. The scene ends with an explosion and darkness. Verbal Kint narrates a story about a truck robbery in New York.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Mysterious characters
  • Unexpected twist
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of theme

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets a dark and intense tone, introduces intriguing characters, and includes a surprising twist, making it highly engaging and captivating.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a wounded man on a boat, facing imminent danger, and encountering a mysterious figure creates a strong sense of intrigue and suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds with a series of events that escalate tension and mystery, leading to the unexpected shooting of Keaton. The introduction of the dead bodies and the barge adds further intrigue and raises questions about what has transpired.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar tropes in the crime genre, the writer brings a fresh approach through their descriptive language and the unique details of the scene, such as the use of a match to ignite the darkness and the unexpected interruption of the flame by a stream of urine.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Dean Keaton, Keyser, and Verbal Kint are introduced with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions and the revelation of their roles in the story create intrigue and anticipation.

Character Changes: 7

While Keaton's character undergoes a change from frustration and anger to resignation before his death, it is not a significant transformation within this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is survival. He is injured and trapped on the deck of the boat, and his actions and dialogue reflect his determination to stay alive.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from the boat before it explodes. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both physical and emotional. The imminent danger faced by Keaton, the confrontation between Keaton and Keyser, and the presence of dead bodies create a high level of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is trapped and injured, facing the imminent threat of the boat exploding. The unknown man with the gun provides a clear obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Keaton is injured, facing imminent danger, and ultimately killed. The presence of dead bodies and the mysterious Keyser add to the sense of danger and intrigue.

Story Forward: 9

The scene introduces key elements of the story, such as the boat, the dead bodies, and the mysterious characters. It raises questions and propels the audience's curiosity, moving the story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the interruption of the flame by a stream of urine. However, the overall outcome of the scene, with the protagonist being shot, is somewhat predictable in the context of the crime genre.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of tension, fear, and curiosity. The audience is invested in Keaton's fate and intrigued by the mysterious Keyser.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Keaton and Keyser is tense and filled with underlying emotions. It effectively conveys their relationship and adds depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immediately establishes a sense of danger and mystery. The vivid descriptions and sparse dialogue create a sense of tension and intrigue, keeping the audience hooked.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The slow introduction of the setting and the protagonist's internal and external goals, followed by the climactic gunshot, creates a sense of anticipation and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting and introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals, leading to a climactic moment with the gunshot.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear context and purpose. It is unclear why Keaton is injured and why Keyser Soze is there to shoot him. This lack of context makes it difficult for the audience to become invested in the scene.
  • The dialogue is sparse and lacks depth. The conversation between Keaton and Keyser Soze is brief and uninteresting.
  • The visual elements are not utilized to their full potential. The explosion at the end of the scene is not given enough weight or significance.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is flat and unengaging. There is no tension or suspense built up to the shooting of Keaton.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development and backstory. Without this, the audience is left with little investment in the characters or their fates.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and backstory for the characters and their situation.
  • Develop the dialogue to be more engaging and meaningful.
  • Utilize the visual elements to create more tension and suspense.
  • Build up the emotional tone of the scene to make the audience invested in the characters and their fates.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to better serve the overall story and character arcs.



Scene 2 - The Setup
3 INT. DARK APARTMENT - DAY - NEW YORK - SIX WEEKS PRIOR TO 3
PRESENT DAY

The black explodes with the opening of a door into a dark
room. Outside, the hall is filled with blinding white light.
Shadows in the shapes of men flood into the room. We can make
out men in hoods with flashlights. They are laden with
weapons.

VOICES
POLICE. SEARCH WARRANT. DON'T MOVE.

It is a blur of violent action and sound.'Beams of
flashlights cut the darkness in all directions.

FINALLY:

A dozen flashlights land on one man. He lies naked in bed,
Merging from a deep sleep. He squints at the flood of
blinding white light, more annoyed than frightened.
5.
He nearly laughs at the sound of countless guns cocking. He
is McMANUS. Age twenty-eight.

VOICE (O.S.)
Mr. McManus?

MCMANUS
Yeah.

VOICE (O.S.)
Police. We have a warrant for your
arrest.

McMANUS Will they be serving coffee downtown? Two dozen black
gloved hands grab him and yank him out of bed.

4 INT. AUTO BODY SHOP - DAY 4

An old paint mixer vibrates furiously. TODD HOCKNEY, a dark,
portly man in his thirties is working on an old Fire-bird.

A YOUNG HISPANIC KID mixes paint a few feet away. SUDDENLY,
the garage door opens TO REVEAL:

YELLOW 06/11/94

A row of five men silhouetted by the bright sun. Hockney
squints.

YELLOW 06/11/94

HOCKNEY
Can I help you?

Hockney's voice is gruff.

MAN
Todd Hockney'

Hockney reaches for something just inside the door of the
Fire-bird.

HOCKNEY
Who are you?
6.

All six men INSTANTLY PRODUCE GUNS and aim them at Hockney.

MAN
Police.

Hockney withdraws a filthy towel and wipes grease and sweat
from his forehead.

HOCKNEY
We don't do gun repair.

5 EXT. STREET - NEW YORK - DAY 5

FRED FENSTER, a tall, thin man in his thirties strolls
casually down the street. He is dressed conspicuously in a
loud suit and tie with shoes that have no hope of matching.
He smokes a cigarette and chews gum at the same time.

He happens to glance over his shoulder and notice a brown
Ford sedan with four men in it cruising along the curb. He
picks up his step a little. The Ford keeps up.

He looks ahead at the corner. He tries to look as comfortable
as he can, checking his watch as though remembering an
appointment he is late for. The Ford stays right on him.
SUDDENLY, he bolts. He gets no more than a few yards before
cars pour out of every conceivable nook and cranny. Brakes
are squealing, radios squawking, guns cocking. Fenster is
surrounded instantly. He stops short and flaps his hands on
his thighs in defeat.

6 INT. MONDINO'S RESTAURANT - DAY 6

An attractive man and woman walk quickly through the front of
a small New York cafe. They are charged with nervous, excited
energy.

YELLOW 06/11/94

The man is DEAN KEATON, a well dressed, sturdy looking man in
his forties with slightly graying hair. He looks much better
than he did in the opening scene.
7.
The woman with him is EDIE FINNERAN, age thirty-three, poised
and attractive - Easily the calmer of the two.

BLUE 06/01/94

They come to a staircase at the back of the restaurant
leading down to a dark room. Edie takes Keaton's arm and
stops him.

EDIE
Let me look at you.

Keaton is uncomfortable in his suit, or perhaps the
situation. Still, he smiles with genuine warmth. Edie
straightens his tie and picks microscopic imperfections from
his lapel.

EDIE
Now remember, this is another kind of
business. They don't earn your respect.
You owe it to them. Don't stare them down
but don't look away either. Confidence.
They are fools not to trust you. That's
the attitude.

KEATON
I'm having a stroke.

EDIE
You've come far. You're a good man. I
love you.

Keaton blinks then stammers, looking for a response. PAUSE

EDIE
Live with it.

She kisses him and runs down the steps with Keaton close
behind. Keaton playfully grabs her ass and she nearly
stumbles down the stairs.
8.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, a group of criminals is targeted by the police. McManus is arrested in his apartment, Hockney is confronted at his auto body shop, Fenster is chased down the street and captured, and Keaton meets with Edie in a restaurant before they both leave together.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the tension and danger faced by the characters, and introduces the main plot of the film."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more engaging and the theme could be explored in greater depth."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tension and danger faced by the characters, and introduces the main plot of the film.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a group of criminals being targeted by the police is a familiar one in crime thrillers, but the scene sets it up in a compelling and engaging way.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the police closing in on the criminals, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situations and characters are familiar (police raid, criminals), the writer adds authenticity through realistic dialogue and actions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their actions and reactions in the scene reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

There is not much character development or change in the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and not show fear or vulnerability in the face of danger.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid getting arrested or caught by the police.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as the criminals are being pursued by the police and face the threat of arrest.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces a significant threat from the police and must find a way to avoid getting arrested.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the characters, as they face arrest and the potential loss of their criminal enterprise.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the conflict between the criminals and the police.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected events, such as the police raid and the criminals' reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene creates tension and suspense, but does not elicit strong emotional responses.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is mostly focused on conveying information and setting up the plot, but there are some moments of wit and tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immediately introduces a sense of danger and tension, making the audience curious about what will happen next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension through fast-paced action and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by introducing the setting, characters, and conflict in a clear and concise manner.


Critique
  • The scene could benefit from more clarity and focus. It jumps between several different locations and characters without a clear sense of how they are connected or what their significance is to the overall story.
  • The dialogue is somewhat generic and could be more specific to each character. It also lacks subtext and nuance, which could make it more interesting and engaging.
  • The visual elements are effective in creating a sense of tension and danger, but they could be more consistent and cohesive throughout the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat slow and could be tightened up to create more momentum and urgency.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is somewhat flat and could benefit from more variation and complexity.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the scene to focus on one or two key characters and locations, rather than jumping between several different ones.
  • Work on developing more distinct and specific dialogue for each character, with subtext and nuance that reflects their individual personalities and motivations.
  • Think about how to use visual elements more consistently and effectively throughout the scene, to create a more cohesive and impactful visual style.
  • Experiment with different pacing techniques, such as cutting between different locations or using shorter, more intense scenes to create more momentum and urgency.
  • Explore ways to add more emotional depth and complexity to the scene, such as by introducing conflicts or tensions between characters, or by revealing more about their inner thoughts and feelings.



Scene 3 - The Meeting
7 INT. RESTAURANT - DOWNSTAIRS 7

They come to the bottom of the steps giggling and jabbing
each other. Once off the stairs they instantly transform as
though hit with cold air. They assume a cool, professional
exterior and walk two feet apart. One would look at them and
see only two business associates here to ply their trade.

They walk across the dimly lit dining room to a table in the
far corner where two men are already waiting. The first is
MR. FORTIER, age thirty-five, the other is MR. RENAULT, age
sixty. Both men are impeccably dressed with a distinguished
air. They stand and smile.

YELLOW 06/11/94

FORTIER
Edie, nice to see you.

EDIE
Sorry we're late.

FORTIER
Nonsense. Sit, please.

RENAULT
(struggling with English)
You must be Mr. Keaton.

EDIE
I'm sorry. Dean Keaton Renault's hand is
already out.

RENAULT
Monsieur Renault. A pleasure.

KEATON
How do you do?

They shake hands. Keaton takes Fortier's hand next.
9.

FORTIER
Monsieur Fortier. So nice to finally meet
you.

Everyone sits at the table. All faces are smiling.

LOW ANGLE: UNDER TABLE

Edie's hand reaches out and finds Keaton's leg. Her hand runs
high up his inner thigh and squeezes firmly. Her face is
absolutely calm, giving no hint of what her hand is doing.
Keaton smiles and clears his throat.

8 INT. MONDINO'S RESTAURANT 8

Follow a waiter past the flight of steps.

PAN DOWN TO REVEAL:

Five sets of feet arriving at the bottom. The feet in the
middle wear shoes notably nicer than the rest.

YELLOW 06/11/94

PAN UP TO REVEAL:

SPECIAL AGENT DAVID KUJAN (Pronounced Koo-yahn), U.S.
CUSTOMS. Thirtyish, dark-haired and determined.

9 SCENE DELETED 9

PINK 06/07/94

10 INT. RESTAURANT - DOWNSTAIRS 10

FORTIER
Edie brought us your proposal and I'll be
honest. We're very impressed. A bit
skeptical, I must admit, but impressed.

KEATON
Skeptical.
10.

RENAULT
We find the concept brilliant, but New
York is difficult for new restaurants.
How can we be certain that our money will
be returned in the long run?

Keaton looks at Edie and smiles confidently.

KEATON
It's simple gentlemen, design
versatility. A restaurant that can change
with taste without losing the overall
aesthetic. Our atmosphere won't be
painted on the walls.

FORTIER
This was the part of the proposal that
intrigued us, but I'm not sure I follow.

KEATON
Let's say for example -

VOICE (O.S.)
This I had to see myself.

Keaton looks up. He sees David Kujan. Behind him are the very
serious looking guys in suits. Keaton is not happy to see
them.

KEATON
Dave. I'm in a meeting.

KUJAN
Time for another one.

KEATON
This is my attorney, Edie Finneran.
(gesturing)
11.

BLUE 06/01/94

KEATON
This is Mr. Renault and Mr. Fortier.
Everyone, this is David Kujan.

KUJAN
Special Agent Kujan. U.S. Customs.
(Gestures to men behind him)
These gentlemen are with the New York
police department. You look great,
Keaton. Better than I would have thought.

RENAULT
Is there a problem, Mr. Keaton?

KUJAN
The small matter of a stolen truck-load
of guns that wound up on a boat to
Ireland last night.

Renault and Fortier's confusion is giving way to suspicion.

FORTIER
Mr. Keaton?

KEATON
If you will excuse us for a moment,
gentlemen.

KUJAN
We need to ask you some questions
downtown. You'll be quite awhile.

Renault starts to get up.

RENAULT
We should leave you to discuss whatever
this is.

KEATON
Please. Sit.
12.

Keaton stands up and throws a wad of money on the table to
cover the check. He looks at Edie. She moves to stand, but he
sits her back down with a hand on her shoulder.

KEATON
Enjoy the meal.
(To Edie)
I'LL call you.

Kujan takes him by the arm, but Keaton yanks away.

YELLOW 06/11/94

He looks out over the dozens of other faces in the
restaurant. Everyone is looking at him with some level of
surprise. If Keaton is humiliated by the whole affair, he
hides it well.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Dean Keaton and Edie meet with Mr. Fortier and Mr. Renault in a restaurant to discuss a proposal. However, their meeting is interrupted by Special Agent Kujan and the New York police department, who accuse Keaton of being involved in a stolen truck-load of guns. Keaton tries to handle the situation calmly but is ultimately taken away for questioning.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Unexpected interruption
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and introduces conflict, keeping the audience engaged. The dialogue is well-written and the interruption adds an unexpected twist.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a meeting between criminals and potential investors is intriguing and sets up the conflict between Keaton and the authorities.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Keaton's meeting is disrupted by the arrival of Special Agent Kujan and the accusation of his involvement in a crime.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are somewhat familiar, the writer introduces unique elements such as the presence of the U.S. Customs agent and the stolen guns, which add a fresh twist to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their actions and reactions drive the conflict in the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on the external conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and hide his true emotions, despite the unexpected arrival of the U.S. Customs agent and the potential threat to his business proposal.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Mr. Fortier and Mr. Renault to invest in his restaurant proposal and address their concerns about the return on their investment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Keaton and the authorities is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the arrival of the U.S. Customs agent and the potential threat to the protagonist's business proposal create a significant obstacle for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will handle the situation and what the outcome will be.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high for Keaton, as he is accused of involvement in a serious crime.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the conflict and raising the stakes for Keaton.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the arrival of the U.S. Customs agent and the stolen guns adds a new layer of conflict and raises questions about the protagonist's true intentions. The audience is unsure of how the scene will unfold and what the consequences will be.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for success and the potential consequences of his illegal activities, as represented by the presence of the U.S. Customs agent and the stolen guns.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes tension and suspense, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the tension between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a new conflict and raises questions about the protagonist's true intentions and the potential consequences of his actions. The tension and intrigue created by the unexpected arrival of the U.S. Customs agent and the stolen guns keeps the audience hooked.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue and actions are well-paced, and the scene flows smoothly from one moment to the next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. It is clear and easy to read, enhancing the overall readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptive action lines, and dialogue formatted correctly. It effectively establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and develops the conflict.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, which can make it feel disjointed and unfocused.
  • The transitions between the different locations and characters can be jarring and confusing for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat generic and doesn't reveal much about the characters or their motivations.
  • The visual elements, while effective in creating a sense of danger and urgency, could be more nuanced and subtle.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development and exploration of their relationships and conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Consider consolidating the different locations and characters into a more cohesive and focused scene.
  • Try to give the dialogue more depth and specificity to reveal more about the characters and their motivations.
  • Experiment with different visual techniques to create a more nuanced and layered sense of danger and urgency.
  • Spend more time developing the characters and their relationships to create a more engaging and emotionally resonant scene.



Scene 4 - Interrogation Room
11 INT. LOCK-UP HALLWAY - NIGHT 11

A police officer steps into the frame and opens the steel
door.

FOLLOW A PAIR OF FEET as they shuffle across the cement
floor. The shoes are shabby and worn, as are the wrinkled
pants that hang too low and loose at the cuffs. The right
foot is turned slightly inward and falls with a hard limp. It
is clear that the knee does not extend fully.

The sound of a steel door opening. The bottom corner of a
steel cage comes into view. Another set of feet falls into
step with the first. Another steel door and another set of
feet. Another door, another and another. Five pairs of feet
walk single file down the hall.

The lame feet are in the front of the line. They come to
another steel door, this one solid and covered with dents and
rivets.

CRANE UP TO REVEAL:

ROGER KINT, VERBAL to his few friends. He has a deeply lined
face, making his thirty-odd years a good guess at best.
13.
From his twisted left hand, we can see that he suffers from a
slight but not debilitating palsy. Behind him are Dean
Keaton, Fred Fenster, McManus and Todd Hockney.

Verbal steps through the door, followed by the rest.

VERBAL (V.O.)
It didn't make sense that I be there. I
mean these guys were hard-core hijackers,
but there I was. At that point, I wasn't
scared, f knew I hadn't done anything
they could do me for. Besides, it was
fun. I got to make like I was notorious.

12 INT. LINE-UP ROOM 12

The five men are ushered into the room in front of a white
wall painted with horizontal blue stripes. Each has a number
at either end to denote the height of the man in front of it.
Between these lines are thinner blue lines to tell the
specific height in inches.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Bright lights shine on all of them. They squint, eyes
adjusting.

Keaton leans forward a bit and looks at the men in line with
him. He shares a look of familiarity with Fenster and then
McManus. Hockney smiles at all of them.

MCMANUS
(To Keaton) )
Where you been, man?

VOICE (O.S.)
SHUT UP IN THERE. Alright, you all know
the drill. When your number is called,
step forward and repeat the phrase you've
been given. Understand?

The men all nod.
14.

VOICE (O.S.)
Number one. Step forward. Hockney takes a
step forward.

He looks directly into a mirror on the other side of the
room. It is three feet square and we can make out faint light
behind it. It is a two-way. He speaks in a complete dead-pan.

HOCKNEY
Hand-me-the-keys, you-fucking-cock-
sucker.

VOICE (O.S.)
Number two. Step forward.

McManus steps up and makes a gun with his thumb and
forefinger. He mocks criminal intensity, pointing at the
mirror. He camps up his line.

MCMANUS
Give me the keys, you motherfucking,
cocksucking pile of shit, or I'll rip off
your

VOICE (O.S.)
KNOCK IT OFF. Get back in line.

McManus steps back.

The rest of the men do their bit as Verbal speaks.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
It was bullshit. The whole rap was a
setup. Everything is the cops' fault. You
don't put guys like that in a room
together. Who knows what can happen?

13 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT 13

McManus sits in a chair in front of a white wall. He smiles
at someone off-screen.
15.

OVERLAPPED:

MCMANUS
This has to be embarrassing for you guys,
huh? I mean you know and I know this is a
load of shit, but at least I don't have a
captain with his dick in my ass making me
play along. That has got to suck.

VOICE (O.S.)
Are you done?

MCMANUS
Do you work for a broad? That would have
to be the worst.

VOICE (0.S.)
Are you done?

MCMANUS
Still, I guess dignity is a small pries
to pay for medical and a pension. A small
pension, mind you, but a pension
nonetheless.

VERBAL (V.O.)
They drilled us all night. Somebody was
pissed about that truck getting knocked
off and the cops had nothing. They were
hoping somebody would slip. Give them
something to go on. They knew we wouldn't
fight it because they knew how to lean on
us. They'd been doing it forever. Our
rights went right out the window. It was
a violation. I mean disgraceful.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
They went after McManus first. He was a
good guy. Crazy though. A top notch entry
man.
16.

VOICE (O.S.)
So where'd you dump the truck?

MCMANUS
What truck?

VOICE (O.S.)
The truck with the guns, fucko.

MCMANUS
You kill me, you really do. Where's my
phone call?

VOICE (O.S.)
Right here. Suck it out.

MCMANUS
Clever guy.

VOICE (O.S.)
You want to know what your buddy Fenster
told us?

BLUE 06/01/94

MCMANUS
Do I look stupid enough to fall for that?
Jesus Christ. Beat me if you gotta, but
no more of the candy-land tactics, man.

VOICE (O.S.)
WHERE'S THE FUCKING TRUCK?
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, the main characters are brought into an interrogation room and questioned about a stolen truck-load of guns. The police use aggressive tactics to try and get information from the suspects. McManus, one of the criminals, tries to maintain his composure and challenges the police, while Verbal narrates the unfairness of the situation. The scene highlights the conflict between the criminals and the police, as well as the high stakes involved.
Strengths "The strengths of the scene include the sharp dialogue, the tension and conflict between the characters, and the effective use of the interrogation room setting to create suspense."
Weaknesses "The weaknesses of the scene include the lack of character development and emotional depth, as well as the somewhat predictable nature of the interrogation room setting."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-executed and effectively builds suspense and conflict. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, and the performances of the actors are strong. However, the scene could benefit from more character development and emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of an interrogation room scene is not particularly innovative, but it is executed well in this scene. The use of the room to create tension and reveal information is effective.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the interrogation of the suspects and their reactions to the aggressive tactics of the police. The tension and conflict in the scene drive the plot forward and reveal important information.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar in the crime genre, the specific details and dialogue add a fresh and authentic touch. The characters' actions and dialogue feel realistic and true to their personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their personalities come through in their interactions with the police. However, there could be more depth and development to make them more memorable.

Character Changes: 6

There is not much character change in the scene, as the focus is more on the conflict and tension between the criminals and the police.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of confidence and control despite being in a potentially threatening situation. This reflects his need to assert his own identity and protect himself from harm.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the police interrogation process without incriminating himself or his friends. This reflects the immediate challenge of avoiding legal consequences and protecting his friends.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as the criminals are being aggressively questioned by the police and are trying to maintain their innocence. The tension and conflict drive the scene forward and create suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the characters are faced with the challenge of navigating the police interrogation and avoiding incrimination. The audience is unsure of how the characters will handle the situation and what obstacles they will encounter.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters are being accused of a serious crime and face potential consequences. The aggressive tactics of the police increase the tension and raise the stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the stolen truck and the characters' reactions to the interrogation. It creates suspense and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a sense of mystery and raises questions about the characters' true intentions and the outcome of the interrogation. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has some emotional impact, particularly in the defiance and resilience of the criminals in the face of the police's tactics. However, there could be more emotional depth to make the scene more impactful.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and the plot. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the criminals and the police.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a tense situation and raises questions about the characters' motivations and the outcome of the interrogation. The sharp dialogue and visual descriptions also contribute to the scene's engagement.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The dialogue and action are paced in a way that keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters, and sets up the conflict of the police interrogation.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict. While it sets up the events that will unfold later in the film, it doesn't provide a strong sense of tension or urgency.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat generic and lacks depth. It would benefit from more specific and character-driven exchanges.
  • The visual elements, such as the use of shadows and bright light, are effective in creating a sense of danger and urgency. However, they could be further enhanced to add more visual interest and impact.
  • The transitions between the different locations and characters could be smoother and more seamless. It feels a bit disjointed and disconnected at times.
  • The ending of the scene, with Keaton and Finneran descending a staircase to meet with someone, lacks a strong sense of anticipation or suspense. It could be heightened to create a more impactful cliffhanger.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a central conflict or obstacle that the characters must overcome in this scene. This will add tension and drive the narrative forward.
  • Develop the dialogue to be more specific to each character and their individual motivations. This will make the scene more engaging and help to further develop the characters.
  • Consider incorporating more visually striking elements or actions to enhance the sense of danger and urgency. This could include unique camera angles, dynamic lighting, or visually symbolic elements.
  • Find ways to create smoother transitions between the different locations and characters. This will help to maintain a cohesive and fluid narrative.
  • Revise the ending of the scene to create a stronger sense of anticipation or suspense. This could be achieved through a dramatic revelation or a cliffhanger moment that leaves the audience wanting more.



Scene 5 - Interrogation Room
14 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 14

Now Fenster is in the seat. He sweats profusely.

FENSTER
I want to call my lawyer. I don;'t know
about any truck. I was in Connecticut all
night on Friday.

VOICE (O.S.)
That's not what McManus said.
17.

OVERLAPPED:

FENSTER
Who?

VOICE (0.8.)
McManus. Be told us another story
altogether.

FENSTER
Was it the one about the hooker with
dysentery I swear , she never mentioned
money until I came.

VOICE (O.S.)
Be fold us about the truck.

FENSTER
To be honest, it was more like a
mobile home. She made a lot of money.

VOICE (O.S.)
Who took the guns off your hands?

FENSTER
Hey, are we talking about the same thing?

VOICE (O.S.)
I'm losing my patience.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
Fenster always worked with McManus. He
was a real tight-ass, but when it came to
the job, he was right on. Smart guy. A
gopher. Got whatever you needed for next
to nothing.

FENSTER
You guys got nothing on me. Where's your
probable cause?
18.

VOICE (O.S.)
You're a known hijacker. You're sweating
like a guilty motherfucker. That's my
p.c. Save us the time. Tell us where the
truck is.

Fenster knocks on the table.

FENSTER
HELLO? Can you hear me in the back? P.C.

He looks under his chair.

FENSTER
Where is it? I'm lookin'. It's not
happening. What's going on with that? I
want -

BLUE 06/01/94

15 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 15

Hockney's turn in the chair. He laughs it all off.

HOCKNEY
- my lawyer. I'll have your badge,
cocksucker.

OVERLAPPED:

HOCKNEY
I know you. You don't think I know you're
on the take. This whole fucking precinct
is dirty. You don't have a fucking leg to
stand on.

VERBAL (V.O.)
Hockney was just a bad bastard. Good with
explosives. Mean as a snake when it
mattered.
19.

VOICE (O.S.)
You think so, tough guy? I can put you in
Queens the day of the hijacking.

HOCKNEY
I live in Queens. What the fuck is this?
You come into my store and lock me up in
front of my customers. What the hell is
wrong with this country? Are you guys
gonna charge me or what?

VOICE (O.S.)
You know what happens if you do another
turn in the joint?

HOCKNEY
I'll fuck your father in the shower.
Charge me, dick-head.

16 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 16

Now Keaton sits in the chair, cool and indifferent.

VERBAL (V.O.)
Keaton was the real prize for them, for
obvious reasons.

VOICE (O.S.)
I'll charge you when I'm ready.

BLUE 06/01/94

KEATON
With what?

VOICE (O.S.)
You know damn well, dead-man.

KEATON
Hey, that was your mistake, not mine. Did
you ever think to ask me? I've been
20.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
walking around with the same face, same
name - I'm a businessman, fellas.

VOICE (O.S.)
What's that? The restaurant business? Not
anymore From now on you're in the getting-
fucked-by-us business . I'm gonna make
you famous, cocksucker. Keaton shows just
a flicker of contempt. The threat has hit
home.

KEATON
Like I said. It was all your mistake.
Charge me with it and I'll beat it. Let's
get back to the truck.

A FIST flies into the frame and connects with Keaton's jaw.
His head snaps back, blood flowing freely from his mouth.

17 DELETED 17
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, the main characters are brought into an interrogation room and questioned about a stolen truck-load of guns. The police use aggressive tactics to try and get information from the suspects. McManus, one of the criminals, tries to maintain his composure and challenges the police, while Verbal narrates the unfairness of the situation. The scene highlights the conflict between the criminals and the police, as well as the high stakes involved.
Strengths "Intense atmosphere, strong conflict, gripping tension"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more nuanced"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly intense and suspenseful, with strong conflict and high stakes. The aggressive police tactics and the criminals' defiance add to the tension and create a gripping atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an interrogation room scene is not unique, but the execution and the intense atmosphere make it compelling.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the interrogation of the main characters and their defiance against the police. It is intense and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of an interrogation room is a familiar one, the use of profanity and aggressive language in the dialogue adds a fresh and intense element. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly McManus and Verbal, show resilience and defiance in the face of aggressive police tactics. Their personalities and actions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, particularly McManus and Verbal, show resilience and defiance in the face of aggressive police tactics. Their actions and reactions showcase their strength and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain their innocence and protect themselves from incrimination. This reflects their deeper need to preserve their freedom and avoid punishment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to resist the interrogation and avoid providing any incriminating information. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing, which is the pressure to confess or reveal information about a crime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the criminals and the police is intense and confrontational. The aggressive tactics used by the police escalate the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is facing pressure from the interrogator to confess or provide incriminating information. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will respond and whether they will be able to resist the interrogation.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene involve the possibility of the criminals being implicated in a stolen truck-load of guns. The aggressive police tactics and the characters' defiance add to the intensity.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the conflict between the criminals and the police and raising the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know how the protagonist will respond to the interrogation or how the situation will escalate. The physical altercation at the end adds an unexpected twist.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The intense atmosphere and the characters' defiance evoke strong emotions in the audience. The scene creates a sense of tension and suspense.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is confrontational and showcases the conflict between the criminals and the police. It effectively conveys the tension and defiance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense and confrontational dialogue, as well as the physical altercation at the end. The tension and conflict between the characters hold the audience's attention.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue and actions are paced in a way that keeps the scene engaging and suspenseful.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, and dialogue in the correct format.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with the protagonist in the interrogation room, followed by a series of exchanges between the protagonist and the interrogator. The scene ends with a physical altercation.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict. It jumps between different characters and locations without a strong narrative thread.
  • The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth. It mostly consists of characters denying accusations or making empty threats.
  • The actions and events in the scene are not particularly engaging or suspenseful. There is a lack of tension and excitement.
  • The visual elements, such as the use of shadows and bright light, are not effectively utilized to create a sense of danger and urgency.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or cliffhanger to keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a clearer focus and central conflict. Choose one character or storyline to follow and develop it more fully.
  • Revise the dialogue to be more meaningful and impactful. Give the characters distinct voices and motivations.
  • Introduce more suspenseful and engaging actions or events to heighten the tension in the scene.
  • Explore different visual techniques, such as camera angles or lighting, to create a stronger sense of danger and urgency.
  • End the scene with a cliffhanger or resolution that leaves the audience wanting more.



Scene 6 - Interrogation Room
18 INT. CELL BLOCK 18

Keaton is brought in to a holding where he joins Fenster,
Hockney, Verbal and McManus. He sits in a corner and keeps to
himself. Fenster is in mid-tirade.

FENSTER
Somebody should do something. What is
this shit - getting hauled in every five
minutes? Okay, so I did a little time,
does that mean I get railed every time a
truck finds its way off the planet?

McManus is silently staring at Keaton, who sits on a bench,
looking away.

HOCKNEY
These guys got no probable cause.
21.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

FENSTER
You're fuckin' A right, no P.C. Well
screw P.C. No right. No goddamn right.
You do some time, they never let you go.
Treat me like a criminal, I'll end up a
criminal.

HOCKNEY
You are a criminal.

FENSTER
Why you gotta go and do that? I'm trying
to make a point.

KEATON
Then make it. Christ, you're making me
tired all over.

McManus looks at Keaton.

MCMANUS
I heard you were dead, Keaton.

KEATON
You heard right.

HOCKNEY
The word I got is you hung up your spurs,
man. What's that all about?

MCMANUS
What's this?

HOCKNEY
Rumor has it, Keaton's gone straight -
cleaning house. I hear he's tapping Edie
Finneran.

MCMANUS
Who?
22.

HOCKNEY
She's a heavy-weight criminal lawyer from
uptown. Big-time connected. She could
erase Dillinger's record if she tried. I
hear she's Keaton's meal ticket.
(To Keaton)
Is it true?

MCMANUS
What about it, Keaton? You a lawyer's
wife. What sort of "retainer" you giving
her?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Keaton shoots McManus a fiery glare.

FENSTER
I'd say you've gotten on his main and
central nerve, McManus.

KEATON
Do your friend a favor, Fenster, keep him
quiet.

MCMANUS
You're clean, Keaton? Say it ain't so.
Was it you that hit that truck?

FENSTER
Forget him. It's not important. I was
trying to make a point.

KEATON
(Ignoring McManus)
This whole thing was a shakedown.

MCMANUS
What makes you say that?

KEATON
How many times have you been in a line-
up? It's always you and four dummies.
23.
The P.D. pays homeless guys ten bucks a
head half the time. No way they'd line
five felons in the same row. No way. And
what the hell is a voice line-up? A
public defender could get you off of
that.

FENSTER
So why the hell was I hauled in and
cavity searched tonight?

KEATON
It was the Feds. A truck load of guns
gets snagged, Customs comes down on
N.Y.P.D. for some answers - they come up
with us. They're grabbing at straws. It's
politics - nothing you can do.

FENSTER
I had a guy's fingers in my asshole
tonight.

HOCKNEY
Is it Friday already?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

FENSTER
Fuck you. I'11 never shit right again. So
who did it? Own up.

KEATON
I don't want to know.

MCMANUS
Nobody asked you, workin'-man.

HOCKNEY
Fuck who did it. What I want to know is,
who's the gimp?

ALL EYES suddenly turn on Verbal. He has been quietly
listening the whole time without uttering a word.
24.

KEATON
He's alright.

HOCKNEY
How do I know that? How about it, pretzel-
man? What's your story?

KEATON
His name is Verbal Kint. I thought you
guys knew him.

MCMANUS
Verbal?

VERBAL
Roger really. People say I talk too much.

HOCKNEY
Yeah, I was gonna tell you to shut up.

KEATON
We've met once or twice. Last time was
in...

VERBAL
County. I was in for fraud.

KEATON
You were waiting for a line-up then, too.
What happened with that?

VERBAL
I walked. Ninety days, suspended.

YELLOW 06/11/94

HOCKNEY
So you did it?

VERBAL
To your mother's ass.
25.

Verbal looks away from Hockney, awaiting a violent response.
Everyone slowly starts to laugh. Hockney looks as if he is
about to boil in his own skin.

KEATON
(To Hockney)
Let it go.

Verbal smiles at Keaton appreciatively. McManus stands and
walks to the toilet in the corner of the cell. He starts
taking a leak;

MCMANUS
Look, we've all been put out by this, I
figure we owe it to ourselves to salvage
a little dignity. Now Fenster and I got
wind of a possible job -

KEATON
Why don't you just calm down'

HOCKNEY
What do you care what he says?

MCMANUS
Yeah, I'm just talking here, and Hockney
seems to want to hear me out. I know
Fenster is with me -
(to Verbal)
How about you, guy?

McManus finishes pissing.

VERBAL
I'm interested, sure.

MCMANUS
There, so you see, I'm going to exercise
my right to free assembly.

McManus taps the bars of his cell and the others LAUGH.
26.

KEATON
I'm not kidding. Shut your mouth.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MCMANUS
You're missing the point.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
No, you're missing the point. Shut up. I
don't want to hear anything you have to
say. I don't want to know about your
"job". Just don't let me hear you. I want
nothing to do with any of you -
(beat)
I beg your pardon but all of you can go
to hell.

MCMANUS
Dean Keaton, gone the high road. What is
the world coming to?

McManus and Keaton stare at one another for a long and tense
moment. Finally McManus turns to the others.

MCMANUS
Forget him then.
(whispering)
Now I can't talk about this here in any
detail, but listen up...

Everyone but Keaton gravitates toward McManus's cell as he
begins to speak in low, hushed tones.

VERBAL (V.O.)
And that was how it began. The five of us
brought in on a trumped-up charge to be
leaned on by half-wits.
27.
What the cops never figured out, and what
I know now, was that these men would
never break, never lie down, never bend
over for anybody. .. Anybody.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary The main characters are brought into an interrogation room and questioned about a stolen truck-load of guns. The police use aggressive tactics to try and get information from the suspects. McManus challenges the police while Verbal narrates the unfairness of the situation. The scene highlights the conflict between the criminals and the police, as well as the high stakes involved.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Conflict between characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates tension and conflict through the aggressive police tactics and the challenges posed by the criminals. The high stakes of the situation add to the intensity of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of criminals being interrogated by the police is a familiar one in crime dramas, but the scene adds depth by exploring the dynamics between the characters and highlighting the unfairness of the situation.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the interrogation of the main characters and their reactions to the aggressive tactics used by the police. It effectively advances the overall plot of the screenplay.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of characters being in a cell block and having confrontational dialogue is not entirely unique, the specific dynamics and interactions between the characters feel fresh and authentic. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly McManus and Verbal, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene. Their challenges to the police and their reactions to the situation reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the characters reveal their personalities and motivations, providing a foundation for potential character arcs in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to distance himself from the other characters and assert his independence. This reflects his desire to maintain his own identity and not be influenced or dragged down by the criminal activities of the others.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid getting involved in the other characters' criminal plans. He wants nothing to do with them and wants to distance himself from their activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the aggressive tactics of the police and the challenges posed by the criminals. The tension and confrontations between the characters create a sense of conflict throughout the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is opposed to getting involved in the other characters' criminal plans. The tension and conflict between the characters create a sense of opposition and challenge.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes of the stolen truck-load of guns and the aggressive tactics used by the police create a sense of urgency and danger in the scene. The characters' freedom and potentially their lives are at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the conflict between the criminals and the police, as well as the high stakes involved. It sets up the challenges the characters will face and establishes the tension that will drive the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' actions and dialogue keep the audience guessing about their true intentions and motivations. The unexpected twists and turns in the conversation add to the unpredictability of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits emotional responses from the audience through the tense atmosphere, the confrontations between the characters, and the unfairness of the situation. It creates a sense of empathy for the characters and their predicament.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and confrontational, reflecting the tense atmosphere of the interrogation. It effectively conveys the conflict between the characters and their frustration with the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced and confrontational dialogue between the characters. The tension and conflict keep the audience interested and wanting to know more about the characters and their motivations.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast and energetic rhythm. The quick back-and-forth dialogue and the characters' actions keep the scene moving at a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The scene is well-organized and easy to read.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the location, introduces the characters, and then focuses on their dialogue and actions. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, making it feel disjointed and lacking in tension.
  • The dialogue feels repetitive and could benefit from more variety and depth.
  • The characters' interactions and reactions could be more nuanced and layered to add depth to the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the sense of danger and urgency.
  • The emotional tone of the scene could be more consistently tense and apprehensive.
  • The scene could benefit from a clearer resolution or cliffhanger to create anticipation for the events that will unfold later in the film.
Suggestions
  • Consider focusing the scene on a central conflict or tension between the characters to create a more engaging and cohesive narrative.
  • Revise the dialogue to give each character a distinct voice and to add depth and complexity to their interactions.
  • Explore the characters' emotions and reactions more deeply to add layers to the scene and make it more compelling.
  • Introduce more visual elements, such as the use of shadows and bright light, to enhance the sense of danger and urgency in the scene.
  • Ensure that the emotional tone of the scene remains consistent throughout to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding a clear resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to create anticipation for the events that will unfold later in the film.



Scene 7 - Interrogation Room
19 EXT. PIER - DAY - SAN PEDRO - PRESENT DAY 19

It is morning in the aftermath of the opening scene. Harsh
sunlight shines on a line of body bags on the dock.

Police swarm everywhere, photographers are taking pictures of
the scene while a team of men in rolled up sleeves and
plastic gloves pick at the remains.

Two men on a fire boat operate a water cannon, dousing the
smoldering remains of a burned-out ships hull.

Watching this from the edge of the pier is a man in a dark
suit. He is SPECIAL AGENT JACK BAER of the F.B.I. He is tall
and fit, in his late thirties. He gazes out over the water
thoughtfully.

YELLOW 06/11/94

A UNIFORM COP trots up to him.

COP
Who are you?

Baer holds up his badge without looking at the man.

BAER
Agent Jack Baer, F.B.I. How many dead?

Before the cop can answer, Baer turns and walks along the
line of body bags.

COP
Fifteen so far. We're still pulling some
bodies out of the water.

Baer eyes the corpses on the dock, burned beyond recognition.

COP
Looking for anyone in particular?
28.

Baer looks at the cop for the first time, unamused.

BAER
I don't want any of the bodies taken away
until I've had a chance to go over this,
understood?

COP
I have to clear the scene. I've got word
direct from the Chief.

Baer lights a cigarette, only half listening.

BAER
(unimpressed)
Yes, the chief. Spooky stuff. Any
survivors?

COP
Two. There's a guy in county hospital,
but he's in a coma. The D.A. has the
other guy - A cripple - from New York I
think. Listen, the Chief said -

BAER
Excuse me.

Baer walks away from the cop, ignoring him completely. He
wanders through the carnage on the pier.

YELLOW 06/11/94

20 MT. OCEAN 20

A half mile out from the pier.

The sea is choppy, stirred by the wind. An object floats into
view a few feet away, bobbing in the water.

It is A DEAD BODY - a man, face down, wearing a CHECKERED
BATHROBE. He drifts quietly toward the open ocean.
29.

21 INT. HEARING ROOM - DAY - LOS ANGELES PRESENT 21

Verbal Kint sits in a chair in front of a microphone attached
to a tape recorder, his brow beaded with sweat.

On the wall behind him is the seal of the STATE OF
CALIFORNIA.

He is cleaner, better kept, in a well-cut suit and neatly
trimmed hair. He looks older than he did in New York - worn
down.

A flurry of voices banter off screen. Verbal's eyes follow
the voices back and forth.

VOICE #1 (O.S.)
My client offers his full cooperation in
these proceedings. In exchange, his
testimony is to be sealed and all matters
incriminating to himself are to be
rendered inadmissible.

VOICE #2 (O.S.)
The district attorney's office will
comply provided -

VOICE #1
No provisions, nothing. My clients
testimony for his immunity.

VOICE #2
May-I be frank, Counselor? I suspect your
political power as much as I respect it.
I don't know why Mr. Kint has so many
faceless allies in City Hall, and I don't
care. The embarrassment he helped cause
the city of New York will not happen
here.

VOICE #1
Immunity.
30.

YELLOW 06/11/94

VOICE #2
Counselor, I will prosecute your client.

VOICE #1
Then prosecute. I will be very impressed
to see if the District Attorney manages
to bring in twenty-seven simultaneous
counts of murder against one man with
cerebral palsy. I would think a man with
your job would agree with these alleged
"faceless people in City Hall" you
mention.

VOICE #2 1
One would think the counsel is veiling a
threat.

VOICE #1
Counsel isn't veiling anything.

VOICE #2
I'11 take my chances then. I'11 feel
safer without a job if a man like Mr.
Kint is behind bars.

VOICE #1
Mr. Kint will plead guilty to weapons
possession.

VOICE #2
You're joking.

VOICE #1
Weapons. Misdemeanor one.

VOICE #2
Counselor, you're insulting me.

VOICE #1
Counselor, you're bluffing. Shall I push
for misdemeanor two?
31.

Voices mumble off screen. Verbal fidgets in his chair.

VOICE #2
Misdemeanor one. Fine. This is ludicrous.

A tiny smile and a genuine look of disbelief flash across
Verbal's face.

YELLOW 6/11/94

22B

VOICE #2
(clearing throat)
As for the rest of the charges grand
larceny, arson... murder - the district
attorney will accept the subject's
testimony in connection with the above
mentioned events and in exchange will
offer complete immunity. The
transcript... The transcript of said
testimony will be sealed and all matters
incriminating to Mr. Kint will be
rendered inadmissible.

Verbal lets out a long-held sigh of relief.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary The main characters are brought into an interrogation room and questioned about a stolen truck-load of guns. The police use aggressive tactics to try and get information from the suspects. McManus challenges the police while Verbal narrates the unfairness of the situation. The scene highlights the conflict between the criminals and the police, as well as the high stakes involved.
Strengths "Intense conflict, sharp dialogue, high stakes"
Weaknesses "Limited character development, theme could be further explored"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense and suspenseful, with strong conflict and high stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, an interrogation room scene with aggressive police tactics, is well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene, involving the questioning of the suspects and their resistance, is engaging and keeps the audience hooked.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar in crime dramas, the specific details and dialogue add some freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and realistic.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly McManus and Verbal, are well-developed and their actions and dialogue add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

There is some character development, particularly with McManus challenging the police, but it could be further explored.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to investigate the crime scene and gather information about the incident. This reflects his need for justice, his fear of failure, and his desire to solve the case.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to determine the number of dead bodies and gather any relevant information about the incident. This reflects the immediate challenge of investigating a crime scene and gathering evidence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the criminals and the police is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces some resistance from the police officer in terms of clearing the scene and gathering information, but it is not a major obstacle.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes of the stolen truck-load of guns and the potential consequences for the characters add tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the aggressive tactics of the police and the resistance of the criminals.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces a dead body floating in the water, which adds a layer of mystery and raises questions about the incident.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension and a sense of unfairness, creating an emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, with McManus challenging the police and Verbal narrating the unfairness of the situation.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a crime scene and a mysterious incident, and it raises questions about the protagonist's investigation and the overall plot.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective as it moves at a steady pace, balancing the description of the setting, the conversation between the characters, and the introduction of new information.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatted correctly.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, introduces the protagonist, and progresses with a conversation between the protagonist and a police officer.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, making it feel disjointed and lacking in tension.
  • The transitions between the different locations and characters are abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, particularly in the exchange between Edie and Keaton.
  • The visual elements, such as the use of shadows and bright light, are effective in creating a sense of danger and urgency, but could be further developed to enhance the atmosphere.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or cliffhanger, leaving the audience wanting more but also feeling unsatisfied.
Suggestions
  • Consider narrowing down the focus of the scene to one or two key events or conflicts, rather than trying to cover multiple storylines simultaneously.
  • Work on improving the transitions between locations and characters to create a smoother flow and better connect the different storylines.
  • Develop the dialogue to be more natural and meaningful, allowing the characters to reveal their motivations and emotions more effectively.
  • Explore different visual techniques and elements to enhance the sense of danger and urgency, such as using color grading or specific camera angles.
  • Consider adding a cliffhanger or resolution at the end of the scene to leave the audience wanting more and create a stronger sense of anticipation for the next scene.



Scene 8 - Interrogation Room
22 INT. POLICE STATION - HALLWAY - DAY 22

David Kujan is walking quickly beside SERGEANT RABIN, a dark
and weathered looking man in his late thirties. They move up
a staircase into the heart of police headquarters.

KUJAN
What do you mean I can't see him?

RAB IN
The D.A. came down here last night ready
to arraign before they even moved him to
county. Kint's lawyer comes in and five
minutes later, the D.A.
32.
comes out looking like he'd been bitch-
slapped by the boogey man. They took his
statement and cut him a deal.

KUJAN
Did they charge him with anything?

RAB IN
Weapons. Misdemeanor two.

KUJAN
What'the fuck is that?

Rabin motions for Kujan to lower his voice. He points out
that they are walking through a bullpen filled with desks
where a number of other police are working within earshot.

RABIN
I give the D.A. credit for getting that
much to stick. This whole thing has
turned political. The Mayor was here -
the chief - the Governor called this
morning, for Christ's sake. This guy is

YELLOW 06/11/94

RABIN
protected - From up on high by the prince
of fucking darkness.

KUJAN
When does he post bail?

RAB IN
Two hours, tops.

KUJAN
I want to see him.

Rabin comes to an office door with his name on it. He opens
it and lets Kujan in before following.

PINK 06/07/94
33.

23 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 23

RABIN
Dave, please.

Rabin's office can only be described as a disaster area. The
desk is cluttered with weeks, perhaps months or even years of
paperwork that could never conceivably be sorted out.

Above his desk is a bulletin board. It is a breathtaking
catastrophe of papers, wanted posters, rap-sheets, memos and
+ post-its. This is in the neighborhood of decades. Rabin is
a man with a system so cryptic, so far beyond the
comprehension of others, he himself is most likely baffled by
it.

RABIN
Even if I was to let you talk to him, he
won't talk to you. He's paranoid about
being recorded and he knows the
interrogation rooms are wired.

KUJAN
This won't be an' interrogation, just
a... friendly chat to kill time.

RABIN
(enunciating)
He won't go into the interrogation room.

KUJAN
Someplace else, then.

RAB IN
Where?

Kujan looks around Rabin's messy office.

RABIN
No, no, no, no, no.
34.

KUJAN
If it was a dope deal, where's the dope,
if it was a hit, who called it in?

RABIN
And I am sure you have a host of wild
theories to answer these questions.

KUJAN
You know damn well what I think.

YELLOW 06/11/94

RABIN
That's crazy, Dave and it doesn't matter.
He has total immunity and his story
checks out. He doesn't know what you want
to know.

KUJAN
I don't think he does. Not exactly, but
there's a lot more to his story. I want
to know why twenty-seven men died on that
pier for what looks to be ninety-one
million dollars worth of dope that wasn't
there. Above all, I want to be sure that
Dean Keaton is dead.

RABI +N
He's dead.

KUJAN
Two hours. Just until he makes bail.

RABIN
They're all dead. No matter how tough you
r. say this Keaton was, no one on that
boat could've made it out alive.

PINK 06/07/94
35.

24 INT. HOSPITAL - DAY 24

A door marked INTENSIVE CARE. The door BURSTS OPEN. SUDDENLY,
the hallway is a flurry of activity.

DOCTOR LISA PLUMBER, age fifty, walks quickly beside JACK
BAER.

Baer walks with all of the determination of a battalion of
Chinese infantry.

DOCTOR RIDGLY WALTERS, a young intern in his late twenties
rushes up to them.

PLUMBER
Ridgly, this is Special Agent Jack Baer
from the F.B.I. Agent Baer, this is
Doctor Ridgly Waiters.

RIDGLY
Nice to meet you.

BAER
Is he talking?

RIDGLY
He regained consciousness less than an
hour ago. He spoke - not English - then
he lapsed.

BAER
Hungarian?

YELLOW 06/11/94

RIDGLY
I don't

BAER
It was Hungarian. Most of them were
Hungarians. Any fluent Hungarians on your
staff?
36.

RIDGLY
We have a Turkish audiologist. Ridgly
opens a door and Baer barrels through.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary The main characters are brought into an interrogation room and questioned about a stolen truck-load of guns. The police use aggressive tactics to try and get information from the suspects. McManus challenges the police while Verbal narrates the unfairness of the situation. The scene highlights the conflict between the criminals and the police, as well as the high stakes involved.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of memorable dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates tension and conflict between the characters, and the high stakes add to the intensity. However, there could be more depth in the dialogue and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of an interrogation room scene is not particularly unique, but the conflict between the criminals and the police adds an interesting dynamic.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters are questioned about the stolen guns, and the conflict between the criminals and the police is further developed.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high. The situation of a corrupt police station and the protagonist's struggle for justice is a fresh approach to the crime genre. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters have distinct personalities, but there could be more depth and development in their interactions.

Character Changes: 6

There is limited character change in this scene, as the focus is more on the conflict and high stakes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the events and to ensure that Dean Keaton is dead. This reflects his desire for justice and closure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to talk to the suspect, Kint, and gather information from him. This reflects the immediate challenge of obtaining crucial evidence for the case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the criminals and the police is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a corrupt system and a suspect with total immunity. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the stolen guns and the conflict with the police create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing information about the stolen guns and the characters' situation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a political influence and a suspect with total immunity, creating uncertainty about the outcome and the truth behind the events.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in justice and the corrupt political influence that protects the suspect. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The aggressive tactics and high stakes create tension and some emotional impact, but there could be more depth in the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is functional and serves the purpose of the scene, but it lacks memorable lines or deeper exploration of the characters' motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist and the corrupt system, and raises questions about the truth and justice. The intense dialogue and the mystery surrounding the events keep the audience engaged.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension. The quick dialogue exchanges and the protagonist's determination create a fast-paced rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the conflict, and progresses the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene could benefit from more clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and goals. It is not entirely clear why Kujan is so determined to talk to Kint and why he is so focused on the events on the pier. Providing more context or backstory could help the audience understand his motivations better.
  • The dialogue between Kujan and Rabin feels a bit repetitive and could be streamlined. Instead of going back and forth about Kujan wanting to talk to Kint, it could be condensed into a more concise exchange that still conveys the same information.
  • The visual description of Rabin's office could be enhanced to better reflect the chaos and clutter. Adding specific details about the papers, wanted posters, and memos could help create a more vivid image in the reader's mind.
  • The transition between the police station and the hospital feels abrupt and could be smoother. Adding a brief establishing shot or a line of dialogue to indicate the change in location would help the audience understand the shift.
  • The significance of the patient speaking Hungarian is not clear in this scene. Providing more context or foreshadowing about the importance of this detail would create intrigue and anticipation for future developments.
Suggestions
  • Clarify Kujan's motivations and goals in this scene to make his actions more understandable to the audience.
  • Condense the dialogue between Kujan and Rabin to make it more concise and impactful.
  • Enhance the visual description of Rabin's office to create a more vivid and chaotic image.
  • Smoothly transition between the police station and the hospital to avoid abrupt shifts in location.
  • Provide more context or foreshadowing about the significance of the patient speaking Hungarian to create anticipation for future developments.



Scene 9 - Interrogation Room
25 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 25

(<< .. DENOTES LINES SPOKEN IN HUNGARIAN)

Baer comes to an abrupt halt at the foot of a bed surrounded
by a massive tangle of medical equipment. In the center of it
all is the as yet unnamed ARKOSH KOVASH, mid-thirties. His
body is nearly mummified in bandages and plaster from waist
to chin.

BOLD IS OVERLAPPED:

KOVASH
<<Are you the police? I need the police.
He'll find out I'm here and he'll kill
me. I need the police. I will tell them
anything they want to know. Please, I am
going to be killed.>>

BAER
Will he die?

PLUMBER
There's a chance.

Baer walks over to Rovash and kneels down on the bed beside
him.

He looks closely at his battered and scalded face. He listens
to him far a moment. Kovash goes on incessantly.

KOVASH
<<Find someone who understands me, you
idiot, I'm going to be killed, You'll all
be killed if he has to do it. Help me,
God. They're all stupid. Get someone who
understands me or we're all going to
die.>>
37.

YELLOW 06/11/94

Baer pulls a cellular phone out of his jacket and dials.

BAER
Call hospital security and put a man on
the door until the police get here.

KOVASH
<<Why are you just standing there, you
idiot? I'm not speaking English am I?
Wouldn't it make sense to find someone
who could talk to me so you could find
the person that set me on fire, perhaps?
He is the Devil. You've never seen anyone
like Keyser Soze in all your miserable
life you idiot. Keyser Soze. Do you at
least understand that? Keyser Soze. The
Devil himself. Or are you American
policemen io stupid that you haven't even
heard of him. Keyser Soze, you ridiculous
man. KEYSER SOZE. >>

BLUE 06/01/94

Ridgly runs out of the room. Kovash babbles louder and
louder, trying to get Baer's attention. Baer sticks a finger
in one ear to block him out and hear the phone.

PLUMBER
Is he dangerous?

BAER
Yes.

Someone picks up on the other end of the phone.

BAER
Joel, it's Baer. I'm down at L.A. county.
The guy they pulled out of the harbor is
ARKOSH Kovash... Yes, I'm sure... No,
he's all fucked up... What? I can't hear
you.
38.
(to Arkosh)
Shut up, Hugo, I'm on the phone.
(into Phone)
Yes... No... Not until I put someone on
him. Listen, I need you to send me
someone who can speak Hungarian. He's
awake and talking like a Thai hooker...
How should I know? Get me someone who can
talk to him -

Baer is suddenly distracted by something Kovash has said. In
the middle of a long string of unintelligible dialect, he has
spouted two words that have gotten Baer's attention.

He turns and looks down at the tattered man in the bed.
Kovash realizes Baer is listening and says the two words
again.

KOVASH
Keyser - Soze.

BAER
What?

He waves his hand, gesturing for Kovash to say it again.

KOVASH
Keyser - Soze.

BAER
No shit?
(into Phone)
Joel, call Dan Metzheiser over at Justice
and find Dave Kujan from Customs.

YELLOW 06/11/94

26 INT. HALLWAY - POLICE STATION 26

Rabin walks out of a small room. Behind him, we catch a
glimpse of a workroom with a bench covered with wires.

Kujan comes out a moment later, gently fixing his tie.
39.

Rabin opens the door to his office and Kujan enters. Rabin
follows, looking up and down the hall before closing the door
behind them.

As the door closes we can just make out the back of Verbal's
head. He is seated in Rabin's office, smoking a cigarette.

27 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 27

Kujan and Rabin sit down across from Verbal.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KUJAN
(exasperated)
Verbal, you know we're trying to help
you.

VERBAL
Sure. And I appreciate that. And I want
to help you, Agent Kujan. I like cops. I
would have liked to have been a Fed
myself but my C.P. was -

KUJAN
Verbal, I know you know something. I know
you're not telling us everything.

VERBAL
I told the D.A. everything I know.

28 INT. WORKSHOP 28

Rabin stands over LOUIS, a messy looking technician at his
workbench in a room full of electronic equipment. He adjusts
several dials on a receiver until the voices of Kujan and
Verbal come clearly through a tinny speaker on the wall.
Rabin reaches over for a nearby pot of coffee.

KUJAN (VOICE)
I know you liked Keaton I know you think
he was a good man.
40.

VERBAL (VOICE)
I know he was good.

KUJAN (VOICE)
He was a corrupt cop, Verbal.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, the main characters are brought into an interrogation room and questioned about a stolen truck-load of guns. The police use aggressive tactics to try and get information from the suspects. McManus challenges the police while Verbal narrates the unfairness of the situation. The scene highlights the conflict between the criminals and the police, as well as the high stakes involved.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates tension and suspense through the aggressive police tactics and the conflict between the criminals and the police. The high stakes add to the intensity of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an interrogation room scene is not particularly unique, but the use of aggressive police tactics and the conflict between the criminals and the police adds depth and intensity to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the interrogation of the main characters about a stolen truck-load of guns. The aggressive police tactics and the challenges from McManus create tension and drive the plot forward.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a injured patient needing help is not unique, the specific details and dialogue add authenticity to the scene. The characters' actions and dialogue feel realistic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly McManus and Verbal, are well-developed and their actions and dialogue contribute to the conflict and tension in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there may not be significant character changes in this particular scene, the conflict and tension contribute to the development of the characters' arcs throughout the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect Kovash and ensure his safety. This reflects Baer's desire to do his job as a police officer and prevent harm from coming to others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to call for additional help and support for Kovash. This reflects the immediate challenge of Kovash being in danger and needing assistance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the criminals and the police is intense and drives the scene. The aggressive police tactics and the challenges from McManus add to the conflict and create tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as Baer is faced with the challenge of protecting Kovash and dealing with his frantic behavior. The audience is unsure of how Baer will handle the situation and what obstacles he will face.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene, including the threat of death and the involvement of Keyser Soze, add to the intensity and drive the actions of the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing information about the stolen guns and introducing the character of Keyser Soze. It also sets up the conflict between the criminals and the police.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how Baer will handle the situation and what will happen to Kovash. The mention of Keyser Soze adds an element of mystery.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension and suspense, which creates an emotional impact on the audience. The unfairness of the situation also elicits empathy for the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the conflict between the characters and the unfairness of the situation. McManus and Verbal's dialogue adds depth to their characters and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a sense of urgency and danger. The dialogue between the characters is intense and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue and actions flow smoothly and keep the scene moving at a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, and dialogue in the correct format.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses through their actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a strong sense of urgency and danger as Baer encounters Kovash, who is desperate for police protection. This sets up the tension and stakes for the rest of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Kovash and Baer effectively conveys Kovash's fear and desperation, but it could benefit from more clarity and specificity. Some of Kovash's lines are repetitive and could be condensed to make the dialogue more impactful.
  • The use of the Hungarian language adds an interesting layer to the scene, but it may be helpful to provide translations or subtitles for the audience to fully understand the conversation.
  • The transition from the hospital room to Rabin's office is a bit abrupt and could be smoother. Consider adding a brief establishing shot or a line of dialogue to indicate the change in location.
  • The conversation between Kujan, Rabin, and Verbal in Rabin's office lacks a clear objective or conflict. It feels like a continuation of previous scenes rather than a new development. Consider introducing a specific goal or conflict for Kujan to pursue in this scene to increase tension and drive the narrative forward.
  • The use of the receiver in the workshop to eavesdrop on Kujan and Verbal's conversation is an interesting visual element, but it could be further explored to enhance the suspense. Consider incorporating more visual cues or actions in the workshop to create a sense of tension and intrigue.
  • The scene ends on a confrontational note between Kujan and Verbal, which adds a bit of conflict and raises questions about Verbal's reliability. However, the resolution of this conflict is not clear, and it leaves the audience wanting more closure or resolution.
  • Overall, the emotional tone of the scene is tense and determined, with a sense of danger and urgency. This tone is effectively conveyed through the dialogue and actions of the characters.
  • Key pieces of dialogue in this scene include Kovash's pleas for police protection and his mention of Keyser Soze. These lines help to establish the stakes and foreshadow the importance of Keyser Soze in the story.
  • Significant visual elements in this scene include the hospital room with medical equipment and the cluttered workshop with electronic equipment. These visuals help to create a sense of realism and add depth to the setting.
  • To improve this scene, consider refining the dialogue between Kovash and Baer to make it more impactful and concise. Introduce a clear objective or conflict for Kujan to pursue in Rabin's office. Explore the visual elements in the workshop to enhance the suspense. Provide more closure or resolution to the conflict between Kujan and Verbal at the end of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Condense and clarify Kovash's dialogue to make it more impactful.
  • Provide translations or subtitles for the Hungarian conversation.
  • Smoothly transition between the hospital room and Rabin's office.
  • Introduce a specific goal or conflict for Kujan to pursue in Rabin's office.
  • Explore visual cues or actions in the workshop to enhance the suspense.
  • Provide more closure or resolution to the conflict between Kujan and Verbal at the end of the scene.



Scene 10 - Interrogation Room
29 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 29

VERBAL
Sure. Fifteen years ago, but he was a
good thief Anyway, the cops wouldn't let
him go legit.

KUJAN
Keaton was a piece of shit.

VERBAL
You trying to get a rise out of me, Agent
Kujan?

YELLOW 06/11/94

KUJAN
I just want to hear your story.

YELLOW 06/11/94

VERBAL
It's right here.

He taps a finger on the stack of paper that Kujan brought in.
Kujan picks it up and thumbs through it.

KUJAN
According to your statement you are a
short-con operator. Run of the mill
seams. Everything you do, you learned
from somebody else.

VERBAL
That's been suppressed. Anything in there
is inadmissible.
41.

KUJAN
Oh, I know. Sweet deal you have. Total
immunity.

VERBAL
(laughing)
Well I do have the weapons charge. I'm
looking at six whole months hard time.

KUJAN
(smiling)
You know a dealer named Ruby Deemer,
Verbal?

VERBAL
You know a religious guy named John Paul?

KUJAN
You know Ruby is in Attica?

VERBAL
He didn't have my lawyer.

KUJAN
I know Ruby. He's very big on respect.
Likes me very much.

Verbal sees this getting to something. His smiles fades.

KUJAN
Now I know your testimony was sealed.
Ruby is well connected. He still has
people running errands for him. What do
you think he'd say if he found out you
dropped his name to the D.A.?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

VERBAL
There's nothing in there about Ruby.

KUJAN
I'11 be sure to mention that to him.
42.

Verbal is not smiling anymore. He stares at Kujan with utter
contempt, knowing he is being shafted.

KUJAN
The first thing I learned on the job,
know what it was? How to spot a murderer.
Let's say you arrest three guys for the
same killing. Put them all in jail
overnight. The next morning, whoever is
sleeping is your man. If you're guilty,
you know you're caught, you get some rest
- let your guard down, you follow?

VERBAL
No.

KUJAN
I'11 get right to the point. I'm smarter
than you. I'11 find out what I want to
know and I'11 get it from you whether you
like it or not.

VERBAL
I'm not a rat.

Kujan puts his hand on the transcript of Verbal's confession.
Rabin walks in with a cup of coffee. Verbal takes it with his
good hand and sips it with a relish.

VERBAL
Ahhh. Back when I was picking beans in
Guatemala we used to make fresh coffee.
Right off the trees I mean. That was
good. This is shit, but hey...

RAB IN
Can we get started again?

KUJAN
Now what happened after the line-up?

Verbal sneers at Kujan, unable to change the subject.
43.

BLUE 06/01/94
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, the main characters are brought into an interrogation room and questioned about a stolen truck-load of guns. The police use aggressive tactics to try and get information from the suspects. McManus challenges the police while Verbal narrates the unfairness of the situation. The scene highlights the conflict between the criminals and the police, as well as the high stakes involved.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective portrayal of power dynamics
Weaknesses

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is intense and gripping, effectively showcasing the conflict between the criminals and the police. The aggressive police tactics and the high stakes add to the tension and keep the audience engaged.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of an interrogation room scene is not unique, but the execution and the portrayal of the conflict make it compelling.

    Plot: 9

    The plot of the stolen truck-load of guns and the interrogation of the main characters drives the scene forward and creates suspense.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of an interrogation is familiar, the specific dynamics between Verbal and Kujan and their philosophical conflict add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters of McManus and Verbal are well-developed and their actions and dialogue contribute to the conflict and tension in the scene.

    Character Changes: 7

    While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the confrontation and the unfairness of the situation may impact the characters' motivations and actions later in the story.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and not let Agent Kujan get under his skin. This reflects his need to protect himself and his deeper desire to maintain control and power in the situation.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to defend himself and his actions against Agent Kujan's accusations. This reflects the immediate challenge of being interrogated and potentially incriminated.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict between the criminals and the police is intense and drives the scene forward. The aggressive tactics used by the police escalate the conflict.

    Opposition: 9

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as Verbal and Kujan engage in a battle of wits and power. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

    High Stakes: 10

    The high stakes of the stolen truck-load of guns and the aggressive tactics used by the police create a sense of urgency and danger in the scene.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by revealing information about the stolen guns and the dynamics between the characters. It also sets up future conflicts and motivations.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know how Verbal will respond to Kujan's accusations and threats. The power dynamics between the characters create uncertainty.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Verbal and Kujan. Verbal believes in loyalty and not being a rat, while Kujan believes in using any means necessary to get the information he wants. This challenges Verbal's beliefs and values.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 8

    The intense and confrontational nature of the scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly feelings of tension and injustice.

    Dialogue: 9

    The dialogue between McManus, Verbal, and Kujan is sharp, confrontational, and effectively conveys the power dynamics and emotions of the characters.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue and power dynamics between the characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and wants to see how it will unfold.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and maintaining a steady rhythm. The dialogue and character actions are paced in a way that keeps the audience engaged.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the location, followed by dialogue and character actions. The scene progresses logically and builds tension.


    Critique
    • The scene lacks significant action or conflict, which can make it feel stagnant.
    • The dialogue between Verbal and Kujan feels repetitive and doesn't reveal much new information.
    • Verbal's contemptuous stares and enjoyment of the coffee are interesting visual elements, but they don't add much to the scene.
    • The emotional tone of the scene is tense and confrontational, but it could benefit from more nuance and complexity.
    • The scene could benefit from more dynamic camera angles or blocking to make it visually interesting.
    • The scene could benefit from more subtext or hidden agendas to make it more engaging for the audience.
    Suggestions
    • Consider adding more conflict or action to the scene to make it more engaging.
    • Try to reveal new information or character insights through the dialogue to keep the scene from feeling repetitive.
    • Consider using visual elements or actions that reveal character or add subtext to the scene.
    • Try to add more nuance or complexity to the emotional tone of the scene to make it more interesting.
    • Experiment with different camera angles or blocking to make the scene visually interesting.
    • Consider adding more subtext or hidden agendas to the scene to make it more engaging for the audience.



    Scene 11 - Interrogation Room
    30 EXT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT - NEW YORK - SIX WEEKS PRIOR 30

    Keaton stops at the top of the front steps of the police
    station and lights a cigarette. Edie comes out behind him,
    fuming mad.

    EDIE
    ...and the desk Sergeant is actually
    trying to tell me he can't release you?
    Can you believe that? You weren't even
    charged. New York police - Jesus. I want
    to take pictures of your face to bring to
    the D.A. first thing in the morning.

    KEATON
    Just forget about it.

    He looks across the street and sees Fenster and McManus
    talking by a newsstand. McManus is thumbing through
    magazines.

    EDIE
    Absolutely not.

    Keaton looks to his right and sees Hockney trying to hail a
    cab.

    EDIE
    I'11 have this thing in front of a grand
    jury by Monday.

    KEATON
    Edie, please. I don't want to hear this
    right now. What did Renault and Fortier
    say?

    EDIE
    They want more time to think about
    investing.
    44.

    KEATON
    Goddamnit.

    EDIE
    They just said they wanted time.

    KEATON
    Time for what, Edie? Time to look into me
    a little more, that's what. No matter how
    well you cover my tracks now, they'll
    find out who I am.

    SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

    EDIE
    Give me some credit. I got you this far,
    let's go to the grand jury. This is never
    going to stop if we -

    KEATON
    No. It's never going to stop, period. It
    won't take more than a week before every
    investor in this city is walking away
    from us. It's finished. I'm finished.

    Just then, Verbal bumps into him on his way out the door. He
    excuses himself and hobbles down the steps, oblivious to who
    he has bumped into as he tries to navigate the stairs.

    EDIE
    Don't give up on me now, Dean.

    KEATON
    They'll never stop.

    EDIE
    I love you.

    KEATON
    (to himself)
    They ruined me tonight.
    45.

    EDIE
    Dean, I love you. Do you hear me?

    Verbal gets to the sidewalk and stops. He turns, realizing it
    is Keaton on the steps.

    EDIE
    Let's just go to my place. We'll worry
    about this tomorrow.

    Keaton and Verbal look at one another for a moment. Keaton
    then looks over to the newsstand and sees Fenster looking at
    him.

    KEATON
    Huh?

    McManus notices Fenster and glances up from his magazine to
    see what he is looking at.

    EDIE
    Come home with me, please. Dean?

    SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

    Keaton looks at Hockney who has one foot in a cab. He is
    looking at Fenster and McManus who are looking at Keaton.
    This makes Hockney look up at Keaton as well.

    SUDDENLY, Edie tunes in to what is going on. She notices the
    others on the street. She reaches over and takes Keaton by
    the arm, pulling gently. She glares at the others.

    EDIE
    Come home, Dean.

    KEATON
    (distant)
    Alright.

    Verbal looks at everyone else from where he stands on the
    street.
    46.
    Fenster, McManus and Hockney all look at him and then at each
    other. It is a strange moment of unspoken understanding.

    All eyes finally turn to Keaton, high on the front steps of
    the police station as he walks away with Edie.

    31 INT. HALLWAY - DAY 31

    Verbal stands in front of an apartment door. He hesitates for
    a long moment before he knocks.

    After a moment, the door opens and Keaton stands on the other
    side of it. He is wearing a bathrobe and smoking a cigarette.

    He looks at Verbal without any expression whatsoever.

    KEATON
    What are you doing here'! How did you
    find me?

    VERBAL
    I just asked one of the detectives
    downtown. He seemed pretty happy to tell
    me.

    Keaton curses under his breath and motions for Verbal to come
    in.
    Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

    Summary The main characters are brought into an interrogation room and questioned about a stolen truck-load of guns. The police use aggressive tactics to try and get information from the suspects. McManus challenges the police while Verbal narrates the unfairness of the situation. The scene highlights the conflict between the criminals and the police, as well as the high stakes involved.
    Strengths
    • Intense conflict
    • Tense atmosphere
    • Effective dialogue
    Weaknesses

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene effectively creates tension and highlights the conflict between the criminals and the police. The high stakes of the stolen guns add to the intensity of the scene.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of criminals being interrogated by the police is a familiar one, but the scene adds depth by showcasing the conflict and high stakes involved.

      Plot: 9

      The plot of the stolen guns and the interrogation drives the scene forward and creates tension.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar, the dialogue and character interactions feel authentic and fresh. The characters' actions and dialogue reflect their individual personalities and motivations.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters of McManus and Verbal add depth to the scene through their challenges to the police and narration of the unfairness of the situation.

      Character Changes: 7

      While there may not be significant character changes in this particular scene, the conflict and high stakes may lead to character development later in the story.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the fact that his actions have led to his downfall and that he is now finished. This reflects his deeper fear of being exposed and his desire to protect himself and his loved ones.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape the attention and investigation of Renault and Fortier, who want more time to think about investing. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing of being exposed and losing his investors.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between the criminals and the police is intense and drives the scene.

      Opposition: 7

      The opposition in this scene is strong because the protagonist is facing multiple challenges and obstacles. He is being investigated by Renault and Fortier, and his relationship with Edie is strained. The audience doesn't know how he will overcome these challenges.

      High Stakes: 10

      The high stakes of a stolen truck-load of guns add tension and urgency to the scene.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward by introducing the conflict and raising the stakes.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist. The audience doesn't know how he will overcome these obstacles or what the consequences will be.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief that he is finished and that his actions have ruined him, and Edie's belief that they should continue fighting and go to the grand jury. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and forces him to question whether he should give up or keep fighting.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The intense and tense atmosphere of the scene creates emotional impact.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue between the characters effectively conveys the conflict and tension in the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist and his love interest, as well as hints at a larger conflict with other characters. The dialogue is tense and emotional, and the scene ends with a cliffhanger, leaving the audience wanting to know what will happen next.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency. The dialogue is fast-paced and the actions of the characters are quick and decisive.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting is clear and easy to follow.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then focuses on the dialogue and actions of the characters. The scene ends with a cliffhanger, leading into the next scene.


      Critique
      • The scene could benefit from more conflict or tension to drive the plot forward.
      • The dialogue could be more focused on the main plot points and less on the characters' personal relationships.
      • The visual elements could be more impactful and symbolic to enhance the emotional tone of the scene.
      • The scene could benefit from more action or movement to keep the audience engaged.
      • The interactions between the characters could be more dynamic and revealing of their personalities and motivations.
      Suggestions
      • Consider adding a new conflict or obstacle for the characters to overcome in this scene.
      • Focus the dialogue on the main plot points and use it to reveal more about the characters' motivations.
      • Use visual elements to enhance the emotional tone of the scene and create a more impactful moment of unspoken understanding.
      • Add more action or movement to keep the audience engaged and create a sense of urgency.
      • Make the interactions between the characters more dynamic and revealing of their personalities and motivations.



      Scene 12 - Interrogation and Offer
      32 INT. EDIE'S APARTMENT 32

      Verbal walks in and sits down on the couch, watching Keaton
      cautiously. He looks around the large apartment, beautifully
      furnished and decorated.

      SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

      Edie walks into the room in a man's button-down shirt and
      sweat pants.

      EDIE
      Dean, who was at the --

      She stops when she sees Verbal. Verbal stands and smiles
      nervously.
      47.

      VERBAL
      How do you do?

      KEATON
      Verb - Roger, this is Edie Finneran.
      Edie, this is Roger Kint, he was at --

      EDIE
      (cold)
      I know who he is.

      VERBAL
      I hope I didn't disturb you.

      EDIE
      I hope so, too, Mr. Kint. Can I get you
      something to drink?

      VERBAL
      A glass of water would be nice.

      Edie shoots a look at Keaton on her way out of the room.
      Keaton tries to hush his voice despite his anger.

      KEATON
      What the hell do you want?

      VERBAL
      I wanted to talk to you. The other guys -

      KEATON
      I did you a favor by standing up for you
      last night, but don't think we're
      friends. I'm sorry, but I have other
      things -

      VERBAL
      They're gonna do a job. Three million
      dollars, maybe more.

      Keaton is speechless. Verbal sits on the couch again.
      48.

      SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

      VERBAL
      They sent me to offer you a cut. We could
      use a fifth man - a driver - That's all
      you'll do.

      Edie walks in with a glass of ice water and hands it to
      Verbal.

      VERBAL
      Thank you.

      Verbal drinks slowly. Edie stands over him, her face blank.
      It is an awkward moment. She deliberately makes Verbal
      uncomfortable.

      LONG PAUSE - FINALLY:

      EDIE
      So what is it you do, Mr. Kint?

      VERBAL
      Umm ...

      EDIE
      A hijacker like Dean, here? Or something
      more creative?

      KEATON
      That's enough, Edie.

      EDIE
      (angry)
      I don't know what you came here for, but
      we won't have any part of it.

      KEATON
      Edie, please.

      Keaton takes Edie by the arm and tries to guide her toward
      the other room. She pulls away, anger turning to rage.
      49.

      EDIE
      I've spent the last year of my life
      putting his back together again - I won't
      have you come in here and - What makes
      you think - GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY HOME.
      HOW DARE YOU COME HERE?

      Keaton is pulling her now. She yanks her arm away and shoves
      him.

      YELLOW 06/11/94

      EDIE
      Don't touch me. Just don't --

      She turns and walks out of the room. Somewhere in the back of
      the apartment, a door slams. Keaton turns and glares at
      Verbal. Verbal cringes.

      KEATON
      Get out.

      VERBAL
      If you'll just let me -

      SUDDENLY, KEATON LUNGES. He grabs Verbal by the lapels and
      lifts him off the couch, moving him effortlessly across the
      room and slamming him into the wall next to the front door.
      He opens it.

      VERBAL
      Don't hurt me.

      KEATON
      (seething)
      Hurt you, you sonofabitch? I could kill
      you.

      Keaton starts to shove Verbal out the door.

      VERBAL
      (Quickly)
      They're going to hit the Taxi Service.
      50.

      Keaton freezes. LONG PAUSE.

      VERBAL
      New York's Finest Taxi Service.

      KEATON
      They - That's bullshit. They don't
      operate anymore.

      VERBAL
      McManus has a friend in the Fourteenth
      Precinct. They're coming out for one job -
      Thursday. They're picking up a guy
      smuggling emeralds out of South America.
      Fenster and McManus have a fence set to
      take the stuff.

      YELLOW 06/11/94

      KEATON
      What fence? Who?

      VERBAL
      Some guy in California. His name is
      Redfoot.

      KEATON
      Never heard of him.

      Keaton moves to throw Verbal out. Verbal grabs Keaton and
      holds tight.

      VERBAL
      You have to come.

      KEATON
      What's with you? What do you care whether
      I come or not?

      VERBAL
      They - They don't know me. You do. They
      won't take me unless you go. Look at me.
      I need this.
      51.

      KEATON
      Tough break.

      VERBAL
      Don't tell me you don't need this. Is
      this your place?

      Keaton is unable to answer.

      VERBAL
      They're never going to stop with us, you
      know that. This way we hit the cops where
      it hurts and get well in the mean time.

      Keaton lets Verbal go and steps back, thinking.

      VERBAL
      As clean as you could ever get, they'll
      never let you go now.

      SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

      VERBAL
      I'm not knocking you. You look like
      you've got a good little seam going with
      this lawyer -

      WHAM. Keaton punches Verbal in the stomach and drops him to
      one knee. Verbal coughs and tries to find his breath.

      KEATON
      You watch your mouth.

      VERBAL
      (Gasping)
      Okay, okay. You say it's the real thing?
      That's cool.

      Keaton reaches for Verbal. Verbal flinches. Keaton gently
      helps him up and guides him to the couch. They bath sit.

      Keaton reaches for a pack of cigarettes and lights one for
      each of them.
      52.

      KEATON
      I apologize.

      Verbal takes one and has a few drags, catching his breath and
      rubbing his stomach in pain.

      FINALLY:

      VERBAL
      I was out of line.

      KEATON
      You okay?

      VERBAL
      I'11 be alright.

      KEATON
      Well, I'm sorry.

      VERBAL
      Forget it.
      (beat)
      I'11 probably shit blood tonight.

      Keaton laughs. Verbal thinks about it for a moment and laughs
      with him.

      Keaton's laughter trails off. He thinks for a moment.

      SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

      KEATON
      How are they going to do it?

      VERBAL
      McManus wants to go in shooting. I said
      no way.

      KEATON
      Fenster and Hockney?
      53.

      VERBAL
      They're pretty pissed off. They'll do
      anything. Now I got a way to do it
      without killing anyone: but like I said,
      they won't let me in without you.

      KEATON
      Three million?

      VERBAL
      Maybe more.

      KEATON
      No killing?

      VERBAL
      Not if we do it my way.

      LONG PAUSE

      KEATON
      (Llst in thought)
      I swore I'd live above myself.

      Verbal smiles, knowing he has him.
      Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

      Summary In this scene, Verbal enters Edie's apartment and tries to convince Keaton to join a heist. Edie is hostile towards Verbal, but Keaton eventually listens to his offer. Verbal reveals the plan to rob a taxi service and smuggle emeralds, emphasizing that no one needs to be killed. Keaton is initially skeptical but becomes intrigued by the opportunity. The scene showcases the conflict between Verbal and Edie, as well as the high stakes involved in the heist.
      Strengths
      • Intense dialogue
      • Character dynamics
      • Building tension
      Weaknesses
      • Limited exploration of themes
      • Some predictable character reactions

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene effectively builds tension and establishes the conflict between the characters. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important plot details. The high stakes and emotional impact make it a compelling scene.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a heist and the dynamics between the characters are well-executed. The scene introduces a unique plan to rob a taxi service and smuggle emeralds, adding intrigue to the story.

      Plot: 9

      The plot progresses significantly in this scene as Verbal presents the heist plan and convinces Keaton to join. The revelation of the plan adds complexity and raises the stakes for the characters.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of characters discussing a criminal job is familiar, the specific details and dynamics of the characters' interactions add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters are well-developed and their conflicting motivations drive the scene. Verbal's determination and Keaton's initial skepticism create tension and intrigue.

      Character Changes: 7

      Keaton experiences a change in perspective as he initially rejects Verbal's offer but becomes intrigued by the opportunity. This change sets up his character arc in the subsequent scenes.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convince Keaton to join the job and to gain his trust. This reflects Verbal's desire to be accepted and valued by his peers, as well as his fear of being left out or rejected.

      External Goal: 9

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to recruit Keaton for a job that involves stealing three million dollars or more. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing, as well as their desire for financial gain.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between Verbal, Keaton, and Edie is intense and drives the scene. The aggressive tactics used by the police in the previous scene also contribute to the overall conflict.

      Opposition: 9

      The opposition in this scene is strong, as Keaton initially opposes Verbal's proposition and is skeptical of the job. The audience is unsure of how the conversation will go and whether Keaton will ultimately agree to join the job.

      High Stakes: 9

      The high stakes are established through the plan to rob a taxi service and smuggle emeralds. The characters' lives and freedom are at risk, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the heist plan and convincing Keaton to join. It sets up the next phase of the plot and raises the stakes for the characters.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions and reveals new information about the job. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' true intentions and the direction of the story.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Verbal's belief that the job can be done without killing anyone and Keaton's initial skepticism. This conflict challenges Verbal's values and worldview, as he tries to convince Keaton to choose a non-violent approach.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes emotions such as anger, fear, and determination. Edie's anger towards Verbal and Keaton's internal struggle add emotional depth to the scene.

      Dialogue: 10

      The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals important information about the heist plan and the characters' relationships. It effectively conveys the conflict and emotions in the scene.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the characters and raises questions about their motivations and the outcome of the job. The tension and suspense in the scene keep the audience interested and invested in the story.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and building tension through the characters' dialogue and actions. The scene progresses at a pace that keeps the audience engaged and interested.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The scene is well-organized and easy to read.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses through their dialogue and actions. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.


      Critique
      • The scene starts with Verbal entering Edie's apartment, but it is not clear how he got there or why he is there. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation.
      • The dialogue between Verbal and Edie feels forced and unnatural. The tension and anger could be better conveyed through more realistic and organic dialogue.
      • The transition from Edie's anger towards Verbal to Keaton's anger towards Verbal is abrupt and could be smoother. It would be helpful to show Keaton's reaction to Edie's anger before he confronts Verbal.
      • The physical altercation between Keaton and Verbal feels out of place and unnecessary. It would be more effective to have Keaton express his anger and frustration through dialogue and actions that are more in line with his character.
      • The scene lacks clear conflict and resolution. While there is tension and confrontation, it is not clear what the characters are trying to achieve or how the conflict is resolved.
      • The dialogue between Keaton and Verbal about the job feels rushed and could benefit from more development and explanation. It is not clear why Verbal's way of doing the job without killing anyone is preferable or how it will be accomplished.
      • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader.
      • The ending of the scene, with Keaton and Verbal sitting together and smoking cigarettes, feels anticlimactic and does not provide a strong sense of closure or anticipation for the next scene.
      Suggestions
      • Provide some context or explanation for Verbal's presence in Edie's apartment at the beginning of the scene.
      • Rewrite the dialogue between Verbal and Edie to make it more realistic and organic, conveying the tension and anger more effectively.
      • Smooth out the transition from Edie's anger towards Verbal to Keaton's anger towards Verbal, showing Keaton's reaction before he confronts Verbal.
      • Replace the physical altercation between Keaton and Verbal with dialogue and actions that are more in line with Keaton's character.
      • Clarify the conflict and resolution in the scene, making it clear what the characters are trying to achieve and how the conflict is resolved.
      • Develop and explain the dialogue between Keaton and Verbal about the job, providing more context and justification for Verbal's way of doing the job without killing anyone.
      • Add more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader.
      • Revise the ending of the scene to provide a stronger sense of closure or anticipation for the next scene.



      Scene 13 - The Heist
      33 EXT. KENNEDY AIRPORT - DAY 33

      VERBAL (V.O.)
      New York's finest Taxi Service was not
      your normal taxi service. It was a ring
      of corrupt cops in the N.Y.P.D. that ran
      a high-profit racket, driving smugglers
      and drug dealers all over the city. For a
      few hundred dollars a mile, you got your
      own black and white and a police escort.
      They even had their own business cards.

      OSCAR WHITEHEAD, a tall gray-haired man in his fifties comes
      out of the international terminal in a white linen suit. He
      holds a large suitcase in his right hand.
      54.

      BLUE 06/01/94

      VERBAL (V.O.)
      After a while, somebody started asking
      questions and the taxi service shut down.
      Ever since then, Internal Affairs had
      been waiting to catch them in the act.

      Oscar stands on the curb long enough to light a cigarette.
      After a moment, a POLICE CRUISER pulls up to him. He opens
      the back door and gets in.

      VERBAL (V.O.)
      And that was how we started. McManus came
      to us with the job; Fenster got the vans;
      Hockney supplied the hardware; 'I came
      through with how to do it so no one got
      killed - but Keaton - Keaton put on the
      finishing touch. A little "Fuck you" from
      the five of us to the N.Y.P.D.

      The car drives out of the airport. A VAN follows at a
      distance.

      34 INT. POLICE CAR 34

      SERGEANT JIM STRAUSZ, a meaty, imposing looking man in his
      forties drives the car. Beside him is a thin, greasy looking
      PATROLMAN, STEVE RIZZI. They are two drivers for New York's
      Finest Taxi Service.

      RIZZI
      How was the flight?

      Oscar hands Rizzi a thick envelope.

      OSCAR
      Will that get me to the Pierre?

      Rizzi counts the stack of hundred dollar bills in the
      envelope .
      55.

      RIZZI
      That'll get you to Cape God.

      The two men laugh. Strausz watches the road, expressionless.

      35 EXT. HIGHWAY 35

      The cruiser heads towards the heart of Manhattan.

      YELLOW 06/11/94

      36 EXT. STREET - LATER 36

      The police car makes its way down a wide, abandoned street. A
      WHITE MINIVAN pulls out behind it and heads the same way.

      37 INT. POLICE CAR 37

      Strausz looks in the rear-view mirror. The white minivan is
      flashing his high-beams.

      STRAUSZ
      What the...

      RIZZI
      LOOK OUT.

      Strausz looks in front of him. A green minivan swerves in
      front of them from out of nowhere. Strausz slams on the
      brakes and skids to a halt. The white minivan rams them from
      behind.

      Strausz and Rizzi are stunned for a moment as two more vans
      screech up on either side of the cruiser, boxing it in with
      only a few inches between them.

      The cruiser is surrounded on all sides.

      SUDDENLY, SHOTGUN BARRELS come through the open windows. They
      come to rest, one on Strausz's left temple one on Rizzi's
      right. RIZZI looks out of the corner of his eye.

      He sees the driver of the van next to him holding the shotgun
      with one hand. A stocking is over the driver's head.
      56.
      Strausz looks straight ahead. The minivan in front of them is
      missing a back window. Another man with a stocking on his
      head aims a sub-machine gun at them from inside.

      By the twisted right hand holding the front of the gun, we
      know it is Verbal. Strausz and Rizzi raise their hands
      without being asked.

      38 EXT. STREET 38

      The driver of the white van gets out with a gallon jug in one
      hand and a sledge hammer in the other.

      Moving like lightning, he jumps onto the roof of the police
      car

      SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

      He stands on the front of the roof and swings the hammer
      down.

      39 INT. POLICE CAR 39

      SMASH

      The hammer punches three huge holes in the windshield and
      finally caves it in. Strausz and Rizzi are covered with
      pebbles of broken glass. Whitehead clutches his bag in the
      back seat. He trembles in terror.

      The man standing on the roof doubles over and sticks a gun in
      Strausz's face. His face hangs upside down and looks gruesome
      - covered from the mouth up in a stocking. By the voice, we
      know it is McManus.

      MCMANUS
      GIVE ME THE SHIT.

      STRAUSZ
      Give it up.

      Oscar hands the suitcase up front and Strausz passes it to
      McManus.
      57.

      40 INT. FRONT VAN 40

      Through the front windshield of the front van we see Keaton
      at the wheel. Verbal is behind him leaning out the back
      window.

      Beneath Keaton's stocking mask we see he is trembling and
      sweating - sickened by what he is doing.

      He glances up at the rear-view mirror and looks at the scene
      outside. He looks down at the floor in shame, shaking his
      head.
      Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

      Summary In this scene, the main characters execute a daring heist on corrupt cops who run a high-profit taxi service. They use aggressive tactics to overpower the police officers and steal a suitcase filled with valuable items. The scene showcases the conflict between the criminals and the corrupt cops, as well as the high stakes involved in the heist.
      Strengths
      • Intense and suspenseful atmosphere
      • Well-executed heist sequence
      • Engaging conflict between criminals and corrupt cops
      Weaknesses
      • Limited character development
      • Theme not explored in depth

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, with intense moments and a well-executed heist. The conflict between the criminals and the corrupt cops adds depth to the story, and the high stakes create tension and excitement.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a heist on corrupt cops is intriguing and adds a unique twist to the crime genre. The aggressive tactics used by the criminals make the scene more intense and unpredictable.

      Plot: 9

      The plot of the scene revolves around the execution of the heist and the conflict between the criminals and the corrupt cops. It is well-paced and keeps the audience engaged.

      Originality: 9

      This scene presents a unique situation of corrupt cops running a taxi service for criminals. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters in the scene, particularly McManus and Verbal, showcase their determination and resourcefulness. Their actions and dialogue contribute to the tension and conflict.

      Character Changes: 7

      While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters' actions and decisions reflect their determination and resourcefulness.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that they want to successfully complete their illegal operation without getting caught by the police or facing any harm. This reflects their desire for financial gain and their fear of being arrested or harmed.

      External Goal: 9

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully rob the police car and obtain the valuable items inside. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing, as well as their criminal activities.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between the criminals and the corrupt cops is intense and drives the scene forward. The aggressive tactics used by the criminals escalate the conflict and create a sense of danger.

      Opposition: 9

      The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces unexpected obstacles and challenges from the police car and other vans. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold and whether the characters will succeed.

      High Stakes: 10

      The high stakes involved in the heist, including the risk of getting caught and the potential consequences, create a sense of urgency and heighten the tension in the scene.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the execution of the heist and the conflict between the criminals and the corrupt cops. It adds momentum to the overall plot.

      Unpredictability: 8

      This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected obstacles and challenges for the characters. The audience doesn't know how the situation will unfold and whether the characters will succeed or face consequences.

      Philosophical Conflict: 0

      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, excitement, and a sense of justice being served. The intense moments and high stakes contribute to the emotional impact.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful. It reveals the characters' motivations and adds depth to the conflict between the criminals and the corrupt cops.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it immediately introduces a high-stakes situation and creates tension through the characters' actions and dialogue. The reader is drawn into the scene and wants to know what will happen next.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace and building tension. The quick succession of actions and dialogue keeps the reader engaged and creates a sense of urgency.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

      Structure: 7

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters' goals, and builds tension through a series of actions and dialogue.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks clear and concise dialogue that drives the plot forward.
      • The emotional tone could be further developed to create a stronger impact on the audience.
      • The visual elements could be enhanced to create a more visually engaging scene.
      • The ending of the scene feels abrupt and could benefit from a more satisfying resolution.
      Suggestions
      • Revise the dialogue to make it more impactful and focused on advancing the plot.
      • Explore ways to heighten the emotional tension in the scene to create a stronger impact on the audience.
      • Consider incorporating visually striking elements or actions to enhance the visual appeal of the scene.
      • Revisit the ending of the scene and find a way to provide a more satisfying resolution for the audience.



      Scene 14 - The Heist
      41 INT. POLICE CAR 41

      McMANUS The money. Strausz looks at Rizzi.

      MCMAMJS
      THE MONEY. LET'S HAVE IT.

      Rizzi hands the money through the remains of the windshield.

      YELLOW 06/11/94

      McManus takes the money and stuffs it in his jacket. He steps
      back and takes the cap off of the gallon jug. He quickly
      pours some kind of liquid all over the roof of the car.

      STRAUSZ
      Do you know who I am?

      A hand reaches into the driver's side window and rips
      Strausz's badge off of his shirt.

      Strausz dares to turn his head right at the shotgun pointing
      at him through the window. On the other end is a masked and
      smiling Todd Hockney.

      HOCKNEY
      We do now, Jerk-off.

      McManus lights a pack of matches and drops them on the roof
      of the car as he jumps off. THE LIQUID IGNITES, the roof of
      the car is instantly in flames.
      58.
      Strausz and Rizzi attempt to bail out, but the vans are too
      close for them to open the doors. The vans pull away.

      Strausz and Rizzi escape from the car. Oscar is trapped
      inside, SCREAMING. Strausz and Rizzi stop, each expecting the
      other to go let Oscar out.

      42 EXT. STREET - LATER 42

      The scene is swarming with fresh police cars. Strausz and
      Rizzi are fielding questions from a dozen other cops.

      Photographers are everywhere.

      VERBAL (V.O.)
      The papers got Keaton's call that day and
      were on the scene before the cops were.
      Strausz and Rizzi were indicted three
      days later. Within a few weeks, fifty
      more cops went down with them. It was
      beautiful. Everybody got it right in the
      ass, from the chief on down.

      YELLOW 06/11/94

      43 INT. GARAGE - NIGHT 43

      Hockney, Fenster, McManus and Verbal are all laughing in a
      secluded garage. They are still in their black clothes from
      the robbery. Hockney is throwing everyone a can of beer.

      Keaton sits off by himself. He watches the others, unable to
      join in the festivities.

      The others sit around a cheap card table. It is covered with
      emeralds. Dozens of them. Everyone is in awe. McManus There's
      more than I thought.

      HOCKNEY
      When does the fence come? McMANUS
      Redfoot? He never comes to see me. I have
      to go see him.
      59.

      VERBAL
      In California?

      MCMANUS
      Yeah. It'll take a few days. Me and
      Fenster

      HOCKNEY
      Hold the fuckin' phone. You and Fenster?
      No, no, no.

      MCMANUS
      Guys, come on.

      HOCKNEY
      I'm sure you can understand my
      hesitation.

      FENSTER
      Then who goes?

      HOCKNEY
      We all go. How about it, Keaton?

      All eyes turn to Keaton. He comes out of his trance.

      KEATON
      We need to lay low for a while.

      YELLOW 06/11/94

      MCMANUS
      Fine with me.

      PAUSE

      Everyone looks at each other, their moment of distrust
      blowing over. All eyes drift back to the emeralds on the
      table.

      Hockney begins to snicker, then McManus, then Fenster. Verbal
      joins in at last. McManus grabs Verbal and hugs him, shaking
      him violently.
      60.

      MCMANUS
      My boy with the plan.

      SUDDENLY, everyone yells and pours beer over Verbal's head.
      He laughs as he is drenched in white foam, nearly choking as
      the others chant his name.

      Keaton watches from across the room, trying to smile in vain.

      44 SCENE DELETED 44

      45 INT. WAITING ROOM - LAW OFFICE - DAY 45

      Keaton and Verbal sit side by side on a sofa. A sign on the
      door behind them reads: MONTGOMERY and LaGUARDIA - ATTORNEYS
      AT LAW.

      VERBAL
      We're going to miss the flight.

      KEATON
      We'll make it.

      VERBAL
      Don't do this. Send her a card -
      something.

      KEATON
      We'll make it.

      VOICE (O.S.)
      Ms. Finneran will be with you in a
      moment.

      Keaton stands and paces across the waiting room. He comes to
      a set of glass doors and looks through them.

      YELLOW 06/11/94

      Keaton realizes he is standing on a balcony overlooking a
      library below.

      He sees Edie working in the library with an old woman. The
      two women talk for a moment.
      61.

      SUDDENLY, Keaton turns with a start. Verbal is standing
      behind him.

      VERBAL
      We're gonna miss the plane.
      (beat)
      She'll understand.

      YELLOW 06/11/94

      Edie is smiling and laughing with the old woman. Keaton's
      face is marked with guilt and anguish. Keaton turns and walks
      out of the waiting room. Verbal takes one last glance at Edie
      and turns back to Keaton.

      46 INT. LIBRARY 46

      Edie seems to sense something behind her. She turns and looks
      through the glass doors and up into the waiting room.

      NOTHING IS THERE. She goes back to chatting with the old
      woman.
      Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

      Summary In this scene, the main characters execute a daring heist on corrupt cops who run a high-profit taxi service. They use aggressive tactics to overpower the police officers and steal a suitcase filled with valuable items. The scene showcases the conflict between the criminals and the corrupt cops, as well as the high stakes involved in the heist.
      Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension and showcases the conflict between the criminals and corrupt cops. The execution of the heist is engaging and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats."
      Weaknesses "The emotional impact could be further developed, and there could be more character development for some of the supporting characters."

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is well-executed and engaging, with intense moments and high stakes. The conflict between the criminals and corrupt cops adds tension and excitement to the scene.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of executing a daring heist on corrupt cops is intriguing and adds an element of suspense to the scene.

      Plot: 9

      The plot of the scene revolves around the execution of the heist and the conflict between the criminals and corrupt cops. It is well-developed and keeps the audience engaged.

      Originality: 7

      This scene has a moderate level of originality. While the concept of criminals planning their next move is not entirely unique, the specific details and dialogue in this scene add freshness to the familiar situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also adds to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 8

      The characters in the scene are well-defined and their actions and dialogue contribute to the tension and conflict.

      Character Changes: 6

      There is some character development, particularly in Keaton's hesitation and eventual decision to join the heist.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of camaraderie and unity with his fellow criminals. He wants to feel accepted and valued by his peers.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to plan their next move and figure out how to sell the stolen emeralds. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing as they try to profit from their crime.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 9

      The conflict between the criminals and corrupt cops is intense and drives the tension in the scene.

      Opposition: 6

      The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. While there is some tension between the characters, it is quickly resolved and does not pose a significant obstacle to their goals.

      High Stakes: 10

      The high stakes involved in the heist, including the risk of getting caught and the potential consequences, add tension and excitement to the scene.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the execution of the heist and the conflict between the criminals and corrupt cops.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected twists and turns, such as the characters pouring beer over Verbal's head. The audience doesn't know how the characters will react or what their next move will be.

      Philosophical Conflict: 6

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Keaton and Verbal. Keaton is torn between his loyalty to his criminal friends and his guilt over his actions. This conflict challenges his beliefs and values.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene evokes a sense of tension and suspense, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

      Dialogue: 8

      The dialogue in the scene is sharp and helps to develop the characters and advance the plot.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it contains a mix of action, dialogue, and suspense. The reader is drawn into the characters' world and wants to know what will happen next.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of this scene is effective because it moves quickly and keeps the reader engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue and the action keeps the scene flowing smoothly.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by action and dialogue.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks clear transitions between the police car and the garage, making it confusing for the reader to follow the sequence of events.
      • The dialogue feels a bit generic and lacks depth, especially in the interactions between the characters.
      • The emotional tone of the scene could be better established to create a stronger impact on the audience.
      • The visual elements could be enhanced to create a more vivid and engaging scene.
      • The ending of the scene feels abrupt and could benefit from a stronger resolution or cliffhanger.
      Suggestions
      • Consider adding clear scene headings or transitions to indicate the change in location and time.
      • Work on developing more unique and distinct voices for each character to make the dialogue more engaging and memorable.
      • Explore ways to heighten the tension and emotional impact of the scene, such as through the characters' body language, facial expressions, or internal thoughts.
      • Add more descriptive details to the visual elements to create a more immersive and visually appealing scene.
      • Consider ending the scene with a stronger cliffhanger or resolution to leave the audience wanting more.



      Scene 15 - The Revelation
      47 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE -DAY - LOS ANGELES - PRESENT 47

      KUJAN
      Heartwarming. Really, I feel weepy.

      VERBAL
      You wanted to know what happened after
      the line-up, I'm telling you.

      KUJAN
      Oh come on, Verbal. Who do you think
      you're talking to? You really expect me
      to believe he retired? For a woman?
      Bullshit. He was using her.

      VERBAL
      He loved her.
      62.

      KUJAN
      Sure. And I'm supposed to believe that
      hitting the Taxi Service wasn't his idea
      either.

      VERBAL
      That was all Fenster and McManus.

      KUJAN
      Come on. Keaton was a cop for four years.
      Who else would know the Taxi Service

      PINK 06/07/94

      KUJAN
      Better? That job had his name all over
      it.

      VERBAL
      You keep trying to lay this whole ride on
      t Keaton. It wasn't like that. Sure he
      knew, but Edie had him all turned around.
      r I'm telling you straight, I swear.

      KUJAN
      Let me tell you something. I know Dean
      Keaton. I've been investigating him for
      three years. The guy I know is a cold-
      + blooded bastard. L.A.P.D. indicted him
      on three counts of murder before he was
      kicked off the force, so don't sell me
      the hooker with the heart of gold.

      VERBAL
      You got him wrong.

      KUJAN
      Do I? Keaton was under indictment a total
      of seven times when he was on the force.
      In every case, witnesses either reversed
      their testimony to the grand jury or died
      before they could testify.
      63.
      When they finally did nail him for fraud,
      he spent five years in Sing Sing. He
      killed three prisoners inside - one with
      a knife in the tailbone while he
      strangled him to death. Of course I can't
      prove this but I can't prove the best
      part either.

      Kujan pauses to drink some coffee.

      KUJAN
      Dean Keaton was dead. Did you know that?
      r He died in a fire two years ago during
      an investigation into the murder of a
      witness who was going to testify against
      him. Two people saw Keaton enter a
      warehouse he owned just before it went
      up. They said he had gone in to check a
      leaking gas main. It blew up and took all
      of Dean Keaton with it. Within three
      months of the explosion, the two
      witnesses were dead, one killed himself
      in his car and the other fell down an
      open elevator shaft.

      PINK 06/07/94

      48 SCENE DELETED 48

      49 SCENE DELETED/DIALOGUE MOVED - BOTTOM SCENE 47 49

      PINK 06/07/94

      50 INT. WORKSHOP 50

      Rabin and Louis look at one another as they listen.

      KUJAN
      (on speaker)
      Six weeks ago I get an anonymous call
      telling me I can find Keaton eating at
      Mondino's with his lawyer, and there he
      is.
      64.
      Now because he never profited from his
      alleged death and because someone else
      was convicted for the murder we tried to
      pin on Keaton, we had to let him go.
      Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

      Summary In this scene, Verbal is interrogated by Kujan about Dean Keaton's involvement in criminal activities. Kujan reveals Keaton's dark past and alleged death, challenging Verbal's claims of Keaton's innocence. The scene is filled with tension and conflict as Verbal tries to defend Keaton while Kujan presents damning evidence.
      Strengths "Strong dialogue, intense conflict, and a compelling revelation about a key character."
      Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the tension and suspense."

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, with strong dialogue and intense conflict between Verbal and Kujan.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of a criminal mastermind allegedly faking his death adds intrigue and raises questions about the true nature of the characters.

      Plot: 9

      The plot is driven by the revelation of Keaton's past and the conflict between Verbal and Kujan, which adds depth and raises the stakes.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of two characters arguing about a criminal's true nature is familiar, the specific details of Keaton's alleged crimes and death add a fresh twist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      Verbal and Kujan are well-developed characters with conflicting motivations and strong personalities, making their interactions compelling.

      Character Changes: 7

      Verbal's perception of Keaton is challenged, leading to a slight shift in his understanding of the situation.

      Internal Goal: 8

      Verbal's internal goal in this scene is to convince Kujan that Dean Keaton was not the mastermind behind the criminal activities. This reflects Verbal's desire to protect Keaton's reputation and honor his memory.

      External Goal: 7

      Verbal's external goal in this scene is to provide Kujan with information about Keaton's death and convince him that Keaton was not involved in the recent criminal activities. This reflects the immediate challenge of clearing Keaton's name and proving his innocence.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 10

      The conflict between Verbal and Kujan is intense and drives the scene, creating a sense of urgency and tension.

      Opposition: 9

      The opposition in this scene is strong as Kujan challenges Verbal's beliefs and tries to uncover the truth about Keaton. The audience is unsure of how Verbal will respond and whether he can convince Kujan of Keaton's innocence.

      High Stakes: 10

      The revelation of Keaton's alleged death and his involvement in criminal activities raises the stakes for the characters and adds a sense of danger and urgency.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene reveals crucial information about Keaton's past and raises the stakes for the characters, propelling the story forward.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the audience's assumptions about Keaton's character. The revelations about his alleged crimes and death add unexpected twists to the narrative. The audience is left uncertain about the truth and eager to learn more.

      Philosophical Conflict: 9

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Verbal and Kujan's beliefs about Keaton's character. Kujan sees Keaton as a cold-blooded criminal, while Verbal believes in Keaton's goodness and loyalty. This challenges Verbal's worldview and forces him to defend his beliefs.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 8

      The scene evokes strong emotions through the revelation of Keaton's alleged dark past and Verbal's desperate defense of him.

      Dialogue: 10

      The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals crucial information about the characters and their pasts.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes conflict between Verbal and Kujan. The sharp dialogue and revelations about Keaton's alleged crimes and death create suspense and intrigue. The audience is drawn into the conversation and invested in the outcome.

      Pacing: 8

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and building tension. The dialogue exchanges between Verbal and Kujan are well-paced, allowing for moments of suspense and reflection.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The dialogue is properly formatted with character names and dialogue tags, and the scene direction is clear and concise. The formatting enhances the readability and clarity of the scene.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear location and time description, introduces the characters, and progresses through their dialogue and actions. The scene flows smoothly and effectively conveys the conflict between Verbal and Kujan.


      Critique
      • The scene lacks visual interest and relies heavily on dialogue.
      • The tension between Kujan and Verbal could be heightened with more physical action or movement.
      • The reveal of Keaton's death feels abrupt and could benefit from more foreshadowing or buildup.
      • The dialogue could be more nuanced and less on-the-nose, particularly in Kujan's characterization of Keaton as a 'cold-blooded bastard.'
      Suggestions
      • Consider adding more physical action or movement to heighten the tension between Kujan and Verbal.
      • Foreshadow Keaton's death earlier in the screenplay to make the reveal feel less abrupt.
      • Revise the dialogue to be more nuanced and less on-the-nose, particularly in Kujan's characterization of Keaton.



      Scene 16 - Verbal's Interrogation
      51 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 51

      KUJAN
      He was dead just long enough for a murder
      rap to blow over, then he had lunch.

      SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

      VERBAL
      I don't know about that.

      KUJAN
      I don't think you do. But you say you saw
      Keaton die. I think you're covering his
      ass and he's still out there somewhere. I
      think he was behind that whole circus in
      the harbor. My bet is he's using you
      because you're stupid and you think he's
      your friend. You tell me he's dead, so be
      it. I want to make sure he's dead before
      I go back to New York.

      VERBAL
      (Blurting)
      He wasn't behind anything. It was the
      lawyer.

      KUJAN
      What lawyer?

      PAUSE

      KUJAN
      What lawyer, Verbal?

      Verbal stammers for a moment, looking around wildly.
      65.

      VERBAL
      Back when I was in that barber shop
      quartet in Skokie, Illinois I used to
      have.

      Kujan grabs Verbal's shirt and yanks him half out of his
      seat.

      KUJAN
      You think I don't know you held out on
      the D.A.? What did you leave out of that
      testimony? I can be on the phone to Ruby
      Deemer in ten minutes.

      VERBAL
      The D.A. gave me immunity.

      KUJAN
      NOT FROM ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. THERE IS
      NO IMMUNITY FROM ME. You atone with me or
      the world you live in becomes the hell
      you fear in the back of your tiny mind.
      Every criminal I have put in prison,

      YELLOW 06/11/94

      KUJAN
      every cop who owes me a favor, every
      creeping scumbag that works the street
      for a living, will know the name of
      Verbal Kint. You'll be the lowest sort of
      rat, the prince of snitches, the loudest
      cooing stool pigeon that ever grabbed his
      ankles for the man. Now you talk to me,
      or that precious immunity they've seen so
      fit to grant you won't be worth the paper
      the contract put out on your life is
      printed on.

      Verbal looks at Kujan with utter contempt.

      VERBAL
      There was a lawyer. Kobayashi.
      66.

      KUJAN
      Is he the one that killed Keaton?

      VERBAL
      No. But I'm sure Keaton's dead.

      KUJAN
      Convince me. Tell me every last detail.

      52 SCENE DELETED 52
      Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

      Summary Verbal is interrogated by Kujan about Dean Keaton's involvement in criminal activities. Kujan reveals Keaton's dark past and alleged death, challenging Verbal's claims of Keaton's innocence. The scene is filled with tension and conflict as Verbal tries to defend Keaton while Kujan presents damning evidence.
      Strengths
      • Intense dialogue
      • Strong performances
      • Tension and conflict
      Weaknesses
      • Some stammering and hesitation in Verbal's dialogue

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 9

      The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, with strong performances and compelling dialogue.


      Story Content

      Concept: 8

      The concept of an intense interrogation scene where Verbal is challenged about Keaton's involvement in criminal activities is intriguing and keeps the audience hooked.

      Plot: 9