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Scene 1 -  Fatal Encounter on the Boat
THE USUAL SUSPECTS

by

Christopher McQuarrie




FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY




Revised, 05/25/94
White Revised, 06/01/94
Blue Revised, 06/07/94
Pink Revised, 06/11/94




Converted to PDF by ScreenTalk™ Online
http://www.screentalk.org
1 BLACK 1

The lonely sound of a buoy bell in the distance. Water
slapping against a smooth, flat surface in rhythm. The
creaking of wood.

Off in the very far distance, one can make out the sound of
sirens.

SUDDENLY, a single match ignites and invades the darkness. It
quivers for a moment. A dimly lit hand brings the rest of the
pack to the match. A plume of yellow-white flame flares and
illuminates the battered face of DEAN KEATON, age forty. His
salty-gray hair is wet and matted. His face drips with water
or sweat. A large cut runs the length of his face from the
corner of his eye to his chin. It bleeds freely. An unlit
cigarette hangs in the corner of his mouth.

In the half-light we can make out that he is on the deck of a
large boat. A yacht, perhaps, or a small freighter. He sits
with his back against the front bulkhead of the wheel house.
His legs are twisted at odd, almost impossible angles. He
looks down.

A thin trail of liquid runs past his feet and off into the
darkness. Keaton lights the cigarette on the burning pack of
matches before throwing them into the liquid.

The liquid IGNITES with a poof.

The flame runs up the stream, gaining in speed and intensity.
It begins to ripple and rumble as it runs down the deck
towards the stern.

2 EXT. BOAT - NIGHT - STERN 2

A stack of oil drums rests on the stern. They are stacked on
a palette with ropes at each corner that attach it to a huge
crane on the dock. One of the barrels has been punctured at
it's base. Gasoline trickles freely from the hole. The flame
is racing now towards the barrels. Keaton smiles weakly to
himself.
2.

The flame is within a few yards of the barrels when another
stream of liquid splashes onto the gas.

The flame fizzles out pitifully with a hiss. Two feet
straddle the flame. A stream of urine flows onto the deck
from between them.

BLUE 06/01/94

The sound of a fly zipping. Follow the feet as they move over
to where Keaton rests at the wheel house.

CRANE UP to the waist of the unknown man. He pulls a pack of
cigarettes out of one pocket and a strange antique lighter
from the other. It is gold, with a clasp that folds down over
the flint. The man flicks up the clasp with his thumb and
strikes it with his index finger. It is a fluid motion,
somewhat showy.

Keaton looks up at the man. A look of realization crosses his
face. It is followed by frustration, anger, and finally
resignation.

VOICE (O.S.)
How are you, Keaton?

KEATON
I'd have to say my spine was broken,
Keyser.

He spits the name out like it was poison.

The man puts the lighter back in his pocket and reaches under
his jacket. He produces a stainless .38 revolver.

VOICE (O.S.)
Ready?

KEATON
What time is it?

The hand with the gun turns over, turning the gold watch on
its wrist upward.
3.

The sound of sirens is closer now. Headed this way.

VOICE (O.S.)
Twelve thirty.

Keaton grimaces bitterly and nods. He turns his head away and
takes another drag. The hand with the gun waits long enough
for Keaton to enjoy his last drag before pulling the trigger.

GUNSHOT

The sound of Keaton's body slumping onto the deck.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MOVE OUT ACROSS THE DECK. Below is the stream of gasoline
still flowing freely. The sound of the gasoline igniting.

The flame runs in front of us towards the barrels, finally
leaping up in a circle around the drums, burning the wood of
the pallet and licking the spouting stream as it pours from
the hole.

MOVE OUT ACROSS THE DOCK, away from the boat.

The pier to which the boat is moored is littered with DEAD
BODIES. Twenty or more men have been shot to pieces and lie
scattered everywhere in what can only be the aftermath of a
fierce fire-fight.

A BARGE COMES INTO VIEW.

On the deck of the barge is a tangle of cables and girders.
The mesh of steel and rubber leaves a dark and open cocoon
beneath its base.

MOVE INTO THE DARKNESS.

Sirens are close now. Almost here. The sound of fire raging
out of control.

SIRENS BLARING. TIRES SQUEALING. CAR DOORS OPENING. FEET
POUNDING THE PAVEMENT.
4.

MOVE FURTHER, SLOWER, INTO THE DARKNESS

Voices yelling. New light flickering in the surrounding
darkness.

SUDDENLY, AN EXPLOSION.

Then silence. TOTAL BLACKNESS.

We hear the voice of ROGER "VERBAL" KINT, whom we will soon
meet.

VERBAL (V.O.)
New York. - six weeks ago. A truck loaded
with stripped gun parts got jacked
outside of Queens. The driver didn't see
anybody, but somebody fucked up. He heard
a voice. Sometimes, that's all you need.

YELLOW 06/11/94

BOOM
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Injured and isolated, Dean Keaton sets a deadly trap by igniting a gasoline trail leading to oil barrels. Keyser's arrival sparks a confrontation, resulting in Keaton's demise and a fiery explosion, plunging the scene into darkness.
Strengths
  • Effective use of visuals and sound to create tension
  • Strong introduction of key characters
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions between characters
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the scene may be too dark or intense for all audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets the tone for the rest of the screenplay, establishing a dark and suspenseful atmosphere. The use of visuals and sound creates a sense of tension and intrigue, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a mysterious boat scene with a deadly confrontation sets up the central conflict of the story and introduces key characters. The use of fire and gasoline as elements of danger adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds smoothly, introducing the audience to the central conflict and setting up the mystery surrounding the characters. The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and escalating the tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre, blending elements of mystery, suspense, and moral ambiguity to create a compelling and unpredictable narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Dean Keaton and Keyser are introduced effectively, with their interactions revealing tension and conflict. Their actions and dialogue provide insight into their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Keaton undergoes a significant change in the scene, from defiance to resignation in the face of death. His character arc is established through his actions and dialogue, revealing his inner turmoil and conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

Keaton's internal goal in this scene is likely survival or escape. His actions and dialogue suggest a sense of resignation and acceptance of his fate.

External Goal: 7

Keaton's external goal is to confront or evade the unknown man, Keyser, who presents a threat with a gun.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as Keaton faces his imminent demise and Keyser confronts him with a gun. The tension between the characters and the impending danger create a high level of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Keaton facing a life-threatening situation and a morally ambiguous antagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Keaton faces imminent death and Keyser holds his fate in his hands. The danger and suspense create a sense of urgency and importance, raising the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up the central conflict, and escalating the tension. The revelation of the boat explosion and the aftermath hint at larger events to come, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to its unexpected twists, moral ambiguity, and high-stakes conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of betrayal, loyalty, and mortality. Keaton's interaction with Keyser highlights the tension between trust and deception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, as they witness Keaton's desperate situation and the looming threat of Keyser. The emotional impact is heightened by the use of visuals and sound to create a sense of danger.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Keaton and Keyser is tense and impactful, conveying the underlying animosity between the characters. The sparse but meaningful dialogue adds depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful atmosphere, and compelling character dynamics.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting is clear and concise, effectively conveying the action and dialogue in a visually engaging manner.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and suspense through its pacing and use of visual and auditory cues.


Critique
  • The scene sets a dark and intense tone with the use of sound effects like the buoy bell, water slapping, and sirens in the distance.
  • The visual descriptions of Dean Keaton's appearance and actions create a vivid image of his dire situation on the boat.
  • The introduction of Keyser adds tension and mystery to the scene, leading to a dramatic confrontation.
  • The use of symbolism with the gasoline and fire foreshadows the explosive events to come.
  • The aftermath of the fire-fight on the dock adds a sense of chaos and danger to the setting.
  • The transition from the boat to the barge and then into darkness effectively builds suspense and anticipation.
  • The explosion and sudden silence create a jarring and impactful ending to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue or inner thoughts for Dean Keaton to further develop his character and emotions in this critical moment.
  • Explore ways to enhance the interaction between Keaton and Keyser to deepen the tension and reveal more about their relationship.
  • Provide more context or hints about the significance of the gun parts heist and its connection to the characters and events unfolding.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene and enhance the atmosphere.
  • Experiment with different pacing techniques to build suspense and maintain the audience's engagement throughout the scene.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the different locations and events to maintain clarity and coherence in the storytelling.



Scene 2 -  Simultaneous Raids
3 INT. DARK APARTMENT - DAY - NEW YORK - SIX WEEKS PRIOR TO 3
PRESENT DAY

The black explodes with the opening of a door into a dark
room. Outside, the hall is filled with blinding white light.
Shadows in the shapes of men flood into the room. We can make
out men in hoods with flashlights. They are laden with
weapons.

VOICES
POLICE. SEARCH WARRANT. DON'T MOVE.

It is a blur of violent action and sound.'Beams of
flashlights cut the darkness in all directions.

FINALLY:

A dozen flashlights land on one man. He lies naked in bed,
Merging from a deep sleep. He squints at the flood of
blinding white light, more annoyed than frightened.
5.
He nearly laughs at the sound of countless guns cocking. He
is McMANUS. Age twenty-eight.

VOICE (O.S.)
Mr. McManus?

MCMANUS
Yeah.

VOICE (O.S.)
Police. We have a warrant for your
arrest.

McMANUS Will they be serving coffee downtown? Two dozen black
gloved hands grab him and yank him out of bed.

4 INT. AUTO BODY SHOP - DAY 4

An old paint mixer vibrates furiously. TODD HOCKNEY, a dark,
portly man in his thirties is working on an old Fire-bird.

A YOUNG HISPANIC KID mixes paint a few feet away. SUDDENLY,
the garage door opens TO REVEAL:

YELLOW 06/11/94

A row of five men silhouetted by the bright sun. Hockney
squints.

YELLOW 06/11/94

HOCKNEY
Can I help you?

Hockney's voice is gruff.

MAN
Todd Hockney'

Hockney reaches for something just inside the door of the
Fire-bird.

HOCKNEY
Who are you?
6.

All six men INSTANTLY PRODUCE GUNS and aim them at Hockney.

MAN
Police.

Hockney withdraws a filthy towel and wipes grease and sweat
from his forehead.

HOCKNEY
We don't do gun repair.

5 EXT. STREET - NEW YORK - DAY 5

FRED FENSTER, a tall, thin man in his thirties strolls
casually down the street. He is dressed conspicuously in a
loud suit and tie with shoes that have no hope of matching.
He smokes a cigarette and chews gum at the same time.

He happens to glance over his shoulder and notice a brown
Ford sedan with four men in it cruising along the curb. He
picks up his step a little. The Ford keeps up.

He looks ahead at the corner. He tries to look as comfortable
as he can, checking his watch as though remembering an
appointment he is late for. The Ford stays right on him.
SUDDENLY, he bolts. He gets no more than a few yards before
cars pour out of every conceivable nook and cranny. Brakes
are squealing, radios squawking, guns cocking. Fenster is
surrounded instantly. He stops short and flaps his hands on
his thighs in defeat.

6 INT. MONDINO'S RESTAURANT - DAY 6

An attractive man and woman walk quickly through the front of
a small New York cafe. They are charged with nervous, excited
energy.

YELLOW 06/11/94

The man is DEAN KEATON, a well dressed, sturdy looking man in
his forties with slightly graying hair. He looks much better
than he did in the opening scene.
7.
The woman with him is EDIE FINNERAN, age thirty-three, poised
and attractive - Easily the calmer of the two.

BLUE 06/01/94

They come to a staircase at the back of the restaurant
leading down to a dark room. Edie takes Keaton's arm and
stops him.

EDIE
Let me look at you.

Keaton is uncomfortable in his suit, or perhaps the
situation. Still, he smiles with genuine warmth. Edie
straightens his tie and picks microscopic imperfections from
his lapel.

EDIE
Now remember, this is another kind of
business. They don't earn your respect.
You owe it to them. Don't stare them down
but don't look away either. Confidence.
They are fools not to trust you. That's
the attitude.

KEATON
I'm having a stroke.

EDIE
You've come far. You're a good man. I
love you.

Keaton blinks then stammers, looking for a response. PAUSE

EDIE
Live with it.

She kisses him and runs down the steps with Keaton close
behind. Keaton playfully grabs her ass and she nearly
stumbles down the stairs.
8.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a flurry of action, McManus is arrested at his apartment, Hockney is confronted at his auto body shop, and Fenster is chased down on the street. Meanwhile, Keaton and Finneran prepare for a rendezvous.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character growth
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone and introduces key characters while maintaining a high level of tension and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of undercover arrests and criminal activities is engaging and well-executed, drawing the audience into the world of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by showing the arrests of the characters, hinting at their involvement in a larger criminal scheme.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar trope of a police raid, focusing on the internal and external goals of the protagonist while also exploring philosophical conflicts and character dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their relationships add depth to the scene, making them intriguing and multi-dimensional.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle hints of character development, the focus is more on establishing the characters' roles and relationships in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

McManus's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and not show fear or vulnerability in the face of the police raid. This reflects his desire to appear strong and in control, despite the dangerous circumstances.

External Goal: 7

McManus's external goal is to avoid being arrested and navigate the situation with the police raid. He wants to handle the situation smoothly and potentially escape any legal consequences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The high-stakes arrests and the underlying tension between the characters create a palpable sense of conflict throughout the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the police representing a formidable obstacle for the protagonist to overcome, creating a sense of danger and conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the arrests and the implications for the characters involved raise the tension and suspense of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters and setting up the central conflict, laying the groundwork for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and unexpected events that unfold, such as the police raid and the protagonist's reactions, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between authority and individual freedom. The police represent authority and control, while McManus represents individual autonomy and resistance to being detained.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions from anxiety to affection, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and reveals the dynamics between the characters, enhancing the tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, dynamic character interactions, and unpredictable plot developments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through the progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition between the different locations and characters, making it feel disjointed and confusing for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with characters speaking in a cliched and unrealistic manner.
  • The action sequences are described in a rushed and chaotic way, making it difficult for the reader to visualize and follow the events.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in the scene, with interactions feeling superficial and lacking authenticity.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with the actions of the characters feeling random and disconnected.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive details to set the scene and establish the mood effectively.
  • Work on developing more natural and engaging dialogue that reveals character traits and motivations.
  • Focus on creating a coherent and engaging narrative flow by connecting the different elements of the scene more effectively.
  • Explore the emotional depth of the characters and their relationships to create more compelling interactions.
  • Clarify the goals and conflicts of the characters to give the scene a sense of purpose and direction.



Scene 3 -  The Arrest
7 INT. RESTAURANT - DOWNSTAIRS 7

They come to the bottom of the steps giggling and jabbing
each other. Once off the stairs they instantly transform as
though hit with cold air. They assume a cool, professional
exterior and walk two feet apart. One would look at them and
see only two business associates here to ply their trade.

They walk across the dimly lit dining room to a table in the
far corner where two men are already waiting. The first is
MR. FORTIER, age thirty-five, the other is MR. RENAULT, age
sixty. Both men are impeccably dressed with a distinguished
air. They stand and smile.

YELLOW 06/11/94

FORTIER
Edie, nice to see you.

EDIE
Sorry we're late.

FORTIER
Nonsense. Sit, please.

RENAULT
(struggling with English)
You must be Mr. Keaton.

EDIE
I'm sorry. Dean Keaton Renault's hand is
already out.

RENAULT
Monsieur Renault. A pleasure.

KEATON
How do you do?

They shake hands. Keaton takes Fortier's hand next.
9.

FORTIER
Monsieur Fortier. So nice to finally meet
you.

Everyone sits at the table. All faces are smiling.

LOW ANGLE: UNDER TABLE

Edie's hand reaches out and finds Keaton's leg. Her hand runs
high up his inner thigh and squeezes firmly. Her face is
absolutely calm, giving no hint of what her hand is doing.
Keaton smiles and clears his throat.

8 INT. MONDINO'S RESTAURANT 8

Follow a waiter past the flight of steps.

PAN DOWN TO REVEAL:

Five sets of feet arriving at the bottom. The feet in the
middle wear shoes notably nicer than the rest.

YELLOW 06/11/94

PAN UP TO REVEAL:

SPECIAL AGENT DAVID KUJAN (Pronounced Koo-yahn), U.S.
CUSTOMS. Thirtyish, dark-haired and determined.

9 SCENE DELETED 9

PINK 06/07/94

10 INT. RESTAURANT - DOWNSTAIRS 10

FORTIER
Edie brought us your proposal and I'll be
honest. We're very impressed. A bit
skeptical, I must admit, but impressed.

KEATON
Skeptical.
10.

RENAULT
We find the concept brilliant, but New
York is difficult for new restaurants.
How can we be certain that our money will
be returned in the long run?

Keaton looks at Edie and smiles confidently.

KEATON
It's simple gentlemen, design
versatility. A restaurant that can change
with taste without losing the overall
aesthetic. Our atmosphere won't be
painted on the walls.

FORTIER
This was the part of the proposal that
intrigued us, but I'm not sure I follow.

KEATON
Let's say for example -

VOICE (O.S.)
This I had to see myself.

Keaton looks up. He sees David Kujan. Behind him are the very
serious looking guys in suits. Keaton is not happy to see
them.

KEATON
Dave. I'm in a meeting.

KUJAN
Time for another one.

KEATON
This is my attorney, Edie Finneran.
(gesturing)
11.

BLUE 06/01/94

KEATON
This is Mr. Renault and Mr. Fortier.
Everyone, this is David Kujan.

KUJAN
Special Agent Kujan. U.S. Customs.
(Gestures to men behind him)
These gentlemen are with the New York
police department. You look great,
Keaton. Better than I would have thought.

RENAULT
Is there a problem, Mr. Keaton?

KUJAN
The small matter of a stolen truck-load
of guns that wound up on a boat to
Ireland last night.

Renault and Fortier's confusion is giving way to suspicion.

FORTIER
Mr. Keaton?

KEATON
If you will excuse us for a moment,
gentlemen.

KUJAN
We need to ask you some questions
downtown. You'll be quite awhile.

Renault starts to get up.

RENAULT
We should leave you to discuss whatever
this is.

KEATON
Please. Sit.
12.

Keaton stands up and throws a wad of money on the table to
cover the check. He looks at Edie. She moves to stand, but he
sits her back down with a hand on her shoulder.

KEATON
Enjoy the meal.
(To Edie)
I'LL call you.

Kujan takes him by the arm, but Keaton yanks away.

YELLOW 06/11/94

He looks out over the dozens of other faces in the
restaurant. Everyone is looking at him with some level of
surprise. If Keaton is humiliated by the whole affair, he
hides it well.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Keaton and Edie meet with two businessmen to discuss a deal. Their meeting is interrupted when Special Agent Kujan arrives to arrest Keaton for his involvement with a stolen truckload of guns. Keaton denies the charges, but Kujan takes him into custody. Before leaving, Keaton gives Edie money to cover the bill and promises to call her.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Unexpected twist with law enforcement
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends elements of business negotiation with a sudden twist involving law enforcement, creating a sense of intrigue and tension. The dialogue is engaging and moves the plot forward, while the introduction of the Special Agent adds depth to the conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a business meeting interrupted by law enforcement is unique and adds an unexpected twist to the scene. The blending of professional interactions with criminal elements creates a compelling narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as the introduction of the Special Agent and the revelation of the stolen truck-load of guns raise the stakes for the characters. The conflict is heightened, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a restaurant meeting but adds a twist with the unexpected arrival of Special Agent Kujan. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension and suspense of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Keaton's confident demeanor and Edie's subtle actions add depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the Special Agent and the revelation of the stolen guns set the stage for potential transformations in the characters' motivations and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and hide his true emotions, despite the unexpected arrival of Special Agent Kujan and the potential threat to his business dealings.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the situation with Special Agent Kujan and protect his business interests from potential exposure or harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, as the characters are faced with the unexpected intrusion of law enforcement and the revelation of their criminal activities. Tensions rise as the stakes become clearer.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the arrival of Special Agent Kujan posing a significant threat to the protagonist's goals and forcing him to confront difficult decisions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters are confronted with the consequences of their criminal activities and face the threat of law enforcement intervention. The tension and suspense are heightened by the presence of the Special Agent.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. The revelation of the stolen guns adds complexity to the plot and sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden arrival of Special Agent Kujan and the escalating tension between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's loyalty to his business associates and his own self-preservation. He must balance his desire to maintain his professional facade with the need to address the serious accusations brought against him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact, as the characters' reactions to the unexpected turn of events are subtly portrayed. The tension and suspense create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and serves to move the plot forward. It effectively conveys the tension and dynamics between the characters, especially during the unexpected intrusion by the Special Agent.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, the dynamic interactions between characters, and the unexpected plot developments. The reader is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict leading to a dramatic climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions adds to the intensity of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting. The use of visual cues and character actions enhances the reader's understanding of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a dramatic confrontation. The pacing and formatting are effective in conveying the mood and atmosphere of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a strong setup of Keaton and Edie meeting with Mr. Fortier and Mr. Renault to discuss a business proposal, creating a sense of professionalism and intrigue.
  • The tension builds effectively as Keaton confidently presents the concept of the restaurant, but is interrupted by the unexpected arrival of Special Agent David Kujan and the police, adding a layer of conflict and suspense.
  • The dialogue is engaging and reveals the skepticism of Fortier and Renault, as well as Keaton's attempt to maintain composure in the face of the authorities' intrusion.
  • The scene effectively conveys Keaton's discomfort and the shift in power dynamics as Kujan asserts his authority and informs Keaton of the stolen truck-load of guns, leading to Keaton's arrest.
  • The visual elements, such as the under-the-table interaction between Edie and Keaton, add depth to the scene and enhance the tension.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Keaton's defiant gesture of throwing money on the table to cover the check and his promise to call Edie, leaving the audience with a sense of unresolved conflict and anticipation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Keaton to showcase his inner turmoil and decision-making process in the face of adversity.
  • Explore deeper into the relationship dynamics between Keaton, Edie, and the other characters to add layers of complexity and emotional depth to the scene.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more subtle cues and gestures to convey the characters' emotions and intentions.
  • Consider adding a subtle foreshadowing or hint towards the upcoming events to build anticipation and intrigue for the audience.
  • Work on tightening the pacing of the scene to maintain the tension and keep the audience engaged throughout.



Scene 4 -  Police Lineup and Interrogation
11 INT. LOCK-UP HALLWAY - NIGHT 11

A police officer steps into the frame and opens the steel
door.

FOLLOW A PAIR OF FEET as they shuffle across the cement
floor. The shoes are shabby and worn, as are the wrinkled
pants that hang too low and loose at the cuffs. The right
foot is turned slightly inward and falls with a hard limp. It
is clear that the knee does not extend fully.

The sound of a steel door opening. The bottom corner of a
steel cage comes into view. Another set of feet falls into
step with the first. Another steel door and another set of
feet. Another door, another and another. Five pairs of feet
walk single file down the hall.

The lame feet are in the front of the line. They come to
another steel door, this one solid and covered with dents and
rivets.

CRANE UP TO REVEAL:

ROGER KINT, VERBAL to his few friends. He has a deeply lined
face, making his thirty-odd years a good guess at best.
13.
From his twisted left hand, we can see that he suffers from a
slight but not debilitating palsy. Behind him are Dean
Keaton, Fred Fenster, McManus and Todd Hockney.

Verbal steps through the door, followed by the rest.

VERBAL (V.O.)
It didn't make sense that I be there. I
mean these guys were hard-core hijackers,
but there I was. At that point, I wasn't
scared, f knew I hadn't done anything
they could do me for. Besides, it was
fun. I got to make like I was notorious.

12 INT. LINE-UP ROOM 12

The five men are ushered into the room in front of a white
wall painted with horizontal blue stripes. Each has a number
at either end to denote the height of the man in front of it.
Between these lines are thinner blue lines to tell the
specific height in inches.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Bright lights shine on all of them. They squint, eyes
adjusting.

Keaton leans forward a bit and looks at the men in line with
him. He shares a look of familiarity with Fenster and then
McManus. Hockney smiles at all of them.

MCMANUS
(To Keaton) )
Where you been, man?

VOICE (O.S.)
SHUT UP IN THERE. Alright, you all know
the drill. When your number is called,
step forward and repeat the phrase you've
been given. Understand?

The men all nod.
14.

VOICE (O.S.)
Number one. Step forward. Hockney takes a
step forward.

He looks directly into a mirror on the other side of the
room. It is three feet square and we can make out faint light
behind it. It is a two-way. He speaks in a complete dead-pan.

HOCKNEY
Hand-me-the-keys, you-fucking-cock-
sucker.

VOICE (O.S.)
Number two. Step forward.

McManus steps up and makes a gun with his thumb and
forefinger. He mocks criminal intensity, pointing at the
mirror. He camps up his line.

MCMANUS
Give me the keys, you motherfucking,
cocksucking pile of shit, or I'll rip off
your

VOICE (O.S.)
KNOCK IT OFF. Get back in line.

McManus steps back.

The rest of the men do their bit as Verbal speaks.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
It was bullshit. The whole rap was a
setup. Everything is the cops' fault. You
don't put guys like that in a room
together. Who knows what can happen?

13 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT 13

McManus sits in a chair in front of a white wall. He smiles
at someone off-screen.
15.

OVERLAPPED:

MCMANUS
This has to be embarrassing for you guys,
huh? I mean you know and I know this is a
load of shit, but at least I don't have a
captain with his dick in my ass making me
play along. That has got to suck.

VOICE (O.S.)
Are you done?

MCMANUS
Do you work for a broad? That would have
to be the worst.

VOICE (0.S.)
Are you done?

MCMANUS
Still, I guess dignity is a small pries
to pay for medical and a pension. A small
pension, mind you, but a pension
nonetheless.

VERBAL (V.O.)
They drilled us all night. Somebody was
pissed about that truck getting knocked
off and the cops had nothing. They were
hoping somebody would slip. Give them
something to go on. They knew we wouldn't
fight it because they knew how to lean on
us. They'd been doing it forever. Our
rights went right out the window. It was
a violation. I mean disgraceful.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
They went after McManus first. He was a
good guy. Crazy though. A top notch entry
man.
16.

VOICE (O.S.)
So where'd you dump the truck?

MCMANUS
What truck?

VOICE (O.S.)
The truck with the guns, fucko.

MCMANUS
You kill me, you really do. Where's my
phone call?

VOICE (O.S.)
Right here. Suck it out.

MCMANUS
Clever guy.

VOICE (O.S.)
You want to know what your buddy Fenster
told us?

BLUE 06/01/94

MCMANUS
Do I look stupid enough to fall for that?
Jesus Christ. Beat me if you gotta, but
no more of the candy-land tactics, man.

VOICE (O.S.)
WHERE'S THE FUCKING TRUCK?
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense police station, five suspects are escorted into a lineup for identification. They declare their innocence and one suspects a setup. The police interrogate McManus, who mocks them, escalating the tension and highlighting the power imbalance between the suspects and the authorities.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched lines
  • Lack of visual variety in the setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through sharp dialogue and the high-stakes situation. The characters' defiance and resignation add depth to the scene, making it engaging and intense.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the aftermath of a heist and the characters being interrogated by the police, is well-executed. The tension and suspense are effectively conveyed, keeping the audience engaged.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the interrogation of the characters involved in the heist, adding depth to their motivations and relationships. The conflict between the characters and the police drives the scene forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the interrogation process, with unique character dynamics and a focus on internal conflict. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each displaying unique traits and personalities. Their interactions with each other and the police reveal their defiance and resignation, adding complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their demeanor and attitudes throughout the scene, revealing more about their personalities and motivations. The interrogation process forces them to confront their actions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his composure and assert his innocence despite being in a high-pressure situation. This reflects his need for self-preservation and desire to appear strong and confident.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the interrogation process and avoid incriminating himself or his associates. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing law enforcement and maintaining his innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters and the police, as well as the internal conflicts within the characters themselves, creates a high level of tension and suspense in the scene. The stakes are raised as the interrogation progresses.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with law enforcement challenging the protagonist's innocence and pushing him to reveal information. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face interrogation and potential consequences for their actions. The tension and suspense are heightened by the characters' defiance and the looming threat of betrayal.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters' involvement in the heist and setting up future conflicts and developments. The interrogation process adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the unexpected revelations during the interrogation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the characters' true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in his innocence and the law enforcement's assumption of guilt. This challenges his worldview and values of justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to defiance and resignation. The characters' emotional responses to the interrogation add depth to the scene and engage the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, intense, and filled with tension. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, driving the conflict forward and keeping the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and high stakes for the characters. The interrogation process adds tension and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions that maintain the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a clear progression of events and a focus on character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up the lineup process with the introduction of the characters and their interactions.
  • The dialogue between the characters in the lineup room adds depth to their personalities and hints at their criminal backgrounds.
  • The use of voice-over narration by Verbal provides insight into the characters' thoughts and feelings, enhancing the storytelling.
  • The tension and conflict between the characters and the police officers are well portrayed, adding to the suspense of the scene.
  • The visual descriptions of the setting and the characters' actions help create a vivid picture of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physical descriptions or actions to differentiate the characters further and enhance their individual personalities.
  • Explore deeper into the emotions and motivations of the characters during the lineup process to add more layers to the scene.
  • Introduce more subtext or hidden agendas in the dialogue to create intrigue and suspense among the characters.
  • Experiment with different camera angles or lighting techniques to visually enhance the tension and drama of the scene.
  • Consider incorporating more non-verbal cues or gestures to convey the characters' emotions and reactions effectively.



Scene 5 -  Interrogation Room Confrontation
14 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 14

Now Fenster is in the seat. He sweats profusely.

FENSTER
I want to call my lawyer. I don;'t know
about any truck. I was in Connecticut all
night on Friday.

VOICE (O.S.)
That's not what McManus said.
17.

OVERLAPPED:

FENSTER
Who?

VOICE (0.8.)
McManus. Be told us another story
altogether.

FENSTER
Was it the one about the hooker with
dysentery I swear , she never mentioned
money until I came.

VOICE (O.S.)
Be fold us about the truck.

FENSTER
To be honest, it was more like a
mobile home. She made a lot of money.

VOICE (O.S.)
Who took the guns off your hands?

FENSTER
Hey, are we talking about the same thing?

VOICE (O.S.)
I'm losing my patience.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
Fenster always worked with McManus. He
was a real tight-ass, but when it came to
the job, he was right on. Smart guy. A
gopher. Got whatever you needed for next
to nothing.

FENSTER
You guys got nothing on me. Where's your
probable cause?
18.

VOICE (O.S.)
You're a known hijacker. You're sweating
like a guilty motherfucker. That's my
p.c. Save us the time. Tell us where the
truck is.

Fenster knocks on the table.

FENSTER
HELLO? Can you hear me in the back? P.C.

He looks under his chair.

FENSTER
Where is it? I'm lookin'. It's not
happening. What's going on with that? I
want -

BLUE 06/01/94

15 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 15

Hockney's turn in the chair. He laughs it all off.

HOCKNEY
- my lawyer. I'll have your badge,
cocksucker.

OVERLAPPED:

HOCKNEY
I know you. You don't think I know you're
on the take. This whole fucking precinct
is dirty. You don't have a fucking leg to
stand on.

VERBAL (V.O.)
Hockney was just a bad bastard. Good with
explosives. Mean as a snake when it
mattered.
19.

VOICE (O.S.)
You think so, tough guy? I can put you in
Queens the day of the hijacking.

HOCKNEY
I live in Queens. What the fuck is this?
You come into my store and lock me up in
front of my customers. What the hell is
wrong with this country? Are you guys
gonna charge me or what?

VOICE (O.S.)
You know what happens if you do another
turn in the joint?

HOCKNEY
I'll fuck your father in the shower.
Charge me, dick-head.

16 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 16

Now Keaton sits in the chair, cool and indifferent.

VERBAL (V.O.)
Keaton was the real prize for them, for
obvious reasons.

VOICE (O.S.)
I'll charge you when I'm ready.

BLUE 06/01/94

KEATON
With what?

VOICE (O.S.)
You know damn well, dead-man.

KEATON
Hey, that was your mistake, not mine. Did
you ever think to ask me? I've been
20.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
walking around with the same face, same
name - I'm a businessman, fellas.

VOICE (O.S.)
What's that? The restaurant business? Not
anymore From now on you're in the getting-
fucked-by-us business . I'm gonna make
you famous, cocksucker. Keaton shows just
a flicker of contempt. The threat has hit
home.

KEATON
Like I said. It was all your mistake.
Charge me with it and I'll beat it. Let's
get back to the truck.

A FIST flies into the frame and connects with Keaton's jaw.
His head snaps back, blood flowing freely from his mouth.

17 DELETED 17
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In an intense interrogation, Fenster initially denies involvement but later reveals partial information. Hockney remains defiant, while Keaton maintains his innocence and business acumen. Amidst the interrogation, Keaton is physically assaulted, leaving the outcome unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Tension and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of significant plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging and gripping, with intense interrogations and sharp dialogue that keeps the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of suspects being interrogated by the police in a high-stakes situation is executed effectively, creating a tense and dramatic atmosphere.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the suspects are questioned about their involvement in criminal activities, adding depth to the story and building suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the interrogation room setting, with unique character dynamics and dialogue that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own distinct personalities and attitudes towards the interrogation, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations during the interrogations provide insights into the suspects' personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain their innocence and protect themselves from incriminating evidence. This reflects their fear of being caught and their desire to avoid punishment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to resist the pressure from the interrogator and maintain their composure. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing interrogation and potential consequences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the suspects and the police is intense and palpable, driving the scene forward and keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and conflicting motivations.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the interrogation, with the suspects facing serious consequences for their actions, heighten the tension and drama of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the suspects' involvement in criminal activities, setting up future developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' shifting motivations and the unexpected turns in the interrogation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between truth and deception. The characters are trying to manipulate the truth to protect themselves, which challenges their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The intense interrogations and sharp dialogue evoke strong emotions from the audience, creating a sense of tension and suspense.

Dialogue: 9

The sharp and sarcastic dialogue enhances the tension and conflict in the scene, revealing the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and building suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for an interrogation scene, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for an interrogation scene, with clear character introductions and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear progression or development of the characters' motivations and conflicts. It feels disjointed and lacks a cohesive narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth. It doesn't reveal much about the characters or their relationships.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and sensory details to create a more immersive and engaging atmosphere.
  • The transitions between the different suspects being interrogated could be smoother to maintain the audience's interest and clarity.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional impact or tension, which is crucial for a scene set in an interrogation room.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext and layers to the dialogue to reveal the characters' true intentions and conflicts.
  • Work on creating a more dynamic and engaging interrogation process by introducing unexpected twists or revelations.
  • Focus on building up the suspense and tension throughout the scene to keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.
  • Explore the characters' backstories and relationships to add depth and complexity to their interactions during the interrogation.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a clearer narrative arc and character development, leading to a more impactful resolution.



Scene 6 -  Interrogation Room
18 INT. CELL BLOCK 18

Keaton is brought in to a holding where he joins Fenster,
Hockney, Verbal and McManus. He sits in a corner and keeps to
himself. Fenster is in mid-tirade.

FENSTER
Somebody should do something. What is
this shit - getting hauled in every five
minutes? Okay, so I did a little time,
does that mean I get railed every time a
truck finds its way off the planet?

McManus is silently staring at Keaton, who sits on a bench,
looking away.

HOCKNEY
These guys got no probable cause.
21.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

FENSTER
You're fuckin' A right, no P.C. Well
screw P.C. No right. No goddamn right.
You do some time, they never let you go.
Treat me like a criminal, I'll end up a
criminal.

HOCKNEY
You are a criminal.

FENSTER
Why you gotta go and do that? I'm trying
to make a point.

KEATON
Then make it. Christ, you're making me
tired all over.

McManus looks at Keaton.

MCMANUS
I heard you were dead, Keaton.

KEATON
You heard right.

HOCKNEY
The word I got is you hung up your spurs,
man. What's that all about?

MCMANUS
What's this?

HOCKNEY
Rumor has it, Keaton's gone straight -
cleaning house. I hear he's tapping Edie
Finneran.

MCMANUS
Who?
22.

HOCKNEY
She's a heavy-weight criminal lawyer from
uptown. Big-time connected. She could
erase Dillinger's record if she tried. I
hear she's Keaton's meal ticket.
(To Keaton)
Is it true?

MCMANUS
What about it, Keaton? You a lawyer's
wife. What sort of "retainer" you giving
her?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Keaton shoots McManus a fiery glare.

FENSTER
I'd say you've gotten on his main and
central nerve, McManus.

KEATON
Do your friend a favor, Fenster, keep him
quiet.

MCMANUS
You're clean, Keaton? Say it ain't so.
Was it you that hit that truck?

FENSTER
Forget him. It's not important. I was
trying to make a point.

KEATON
(Ignoring McManus)
This whole thing was a shakedown.

MCMANUS
What makes you say that?

KEATON
How many times have you been in a line-
up? It's always you and four dummies.
23.
The P.D. pays homeless guys ten bucks a
head half the time. No way they'd line
five felons in the same row. No way. And
what the hell is a voice line-up? A
public defender could get you off of
that.

FENSTER
So why the hell was I hauled in and
cavity searched tonight?

KEATON
It was the Feds. A truck load of guns
gets snagged, Customs comes down on
N.Y.P.D. for some answers - they come up
with us. They're grabbing at straws. It's
politics - nothing you can do.

FENSTER
I had a guy's fingers in my asshole
tonight.

HOCKNEY
Is it Friday already?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

FENSTER
Fuck you. I'11 never shit right again. So
who did it? Own up.

KEATON
I don't want to know.

MCMANUS
Nobody asked you, workin'-man.

HOCKNEY
Fuck who did it. What I want to know is,
who's the gimp?

ALL EYES suddenly turn on Verbal. He has been quietly
listening the whole time without uttering a word.
24.

KEATON
He's alright.

HOCKNEY
How do I know that? How about it, pretzel-
man? What's your story?

KEATON
His name is Verbal Kint. I thought you
guys knew him.

MCMANUS
Verbal?

VERBAL
Roger really. People say I talk too much.

HOCKNEY
Yeah, I was gonna tell you to shut up.

KEATON
We've met once or twice. Last time was
in...

VERBAL
County. I was in for fraud.

KEATON
You were waiting for a line-up then, too.
What happened with that?

VERBAL
I walked. Ninety days, suspended.

YELLOW 06/11/94

HOCKNEY
So you did it?

VERBAL
To your mother's ass.
25.

Verbal looks away from Hockney, awaiting a violent response.
Everyone slowly starts to laugh. Hockney looks as if he is
about to boil in his own skin.

KEATON
(To Hockney)
Let it go.

Verbal smiles at Keaton appreciatively. McManus stands and
walks to the toilet in the corner of the cell. He starts
taking a leak;

MCMANUS
Look, we've all been put out by this, I
figure we owe it to ourselves to salvage
a little dignity. Now Fenster and I got
wind of a possible job -

KEATON
Why don't you just calm down'

HOCKNEY
What do you care what he says?

MCMANUS
Yeah, I'm just talking here, and Hockney
seems to want to hear me out. I know
Fenster is with me -
(to Verbal)
How about you, guy?

McManus finishes pissing.

VERBAL
I'm interested, sure.

MCMANUS
There, so you see, I'm going to exercise
my right to free assembly.

McManus taps the bars of his cell and the others LAUGH.
26.

KEATON
I'm not kidding. Shut your mouth.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MCMANUS
You're missing the point.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
No, you're missing the point. Shut up. I
don't want to hear anything you have to
say. I don't want to know about your
"job". Just don't let me hear you. I want
nothing to do with any of you -
(beat)
I beg your pardon but all of you can go
to hell.

MCMANUS
Dean Keaton, gone the high road. What is
the world coming to?

McManus and Keaton stare at one another for a long and tense
moment. Finally McManus turns to the others.

MCMANUS
Forget him then.
(whispering)
Now I can't talk about this here in any
detail, but listen up...

Everyone but Keaton gravitates toward McManus's cell as he
begins to speak in low, hushed tones.

VERBAL (V.O.)
And that was how it began. The five of us
brought in on a trumped-up charge to be
leaned on by half-wits.
27.
What the cops never figured out, and what
I know now, was that these men would
never break, never lie down, never bend
over for anybody. .. Anybody.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Keaton, arrested and placed in a holding cell, encounters Fenster, Hockney, Verbal, and McManus. Tension arises as Keaton distances himself from McManus's shady dealings. Fenster's anger clashes with Keaton's attempts to calm him, while Hockney harbors suspicion towards Verbal. McManus's opportunism for a job proposal is met with Keaton's disapproval. The scene concludes with McManus and the others whispering about a job, leaving Keaton isolated.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension through the interactions between the characters, revealing their defiance and sarcasm in a high-stakes situation. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, keeping the audience hooked.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a group of criminals brought in for questioning on a false charge is intriguing and sets the stage for conflict and character development. The scene effectively explores themes of loyalty, betrayal, and defiance.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters discuss a possible job, adding layers to their motivations and relationships. The conflict between the characters is palpable, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a group of hardened criminals in a tense situation, exploring themes of loyalty, integrity, and the consequences of a life of crime. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the characters' complex motivations and relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Each character has a distinct voice and contributes to the dynamic of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the characters hint at potential shifts in loyalties and motivations in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Keaton's internal goal is to distance himself from his criminal past and maintain his integrity, despite the pressure from his fellow criminals to get involved in a new job. This reflects his desire to leave his criminal life behind and start fresh.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to avoid getting involved in a new criminal job proposed by McManus. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in resisting the temptation to return to a life of crime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is high, with tensions running high and confrontations escalating. The scene is filled with verbal sparring and power dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations among the characters. Keaton's resistance to getting involved in the job creates a sense of tension and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters face interrogation and potential betrayal. The scene sets up a tense and uncertain future for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a possible job and setting up conflicts and alliances among the characters. It adds layers to the plot and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the unexpected revelations, and the moral ambiguity of their choices. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on crime, loyalty, and integrity. Keaton's refusal to participate in the job highlights his moral stance, while the other characters' willingness to consider it challenges his beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to humor, keeping the audience emotionally engaged. The characters' defiance and sarcasm add depth to their personalities.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' personalities and relationships. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense interactions between the characters, the buildup of tension, and the moral dilemmas they face. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the characters' internal struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a buildup of tension, conflict, and character dynamics. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple characters speaking at once and no central conflict driving the dialogue.
  • The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth, with characters making random comments and not engaging in meaningful interactions.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow and lacks tension, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
  • The character interactions feel forced and unnatural, with little emotional depth or authenticity in their conversations.
  • There is a lack of visual elements or descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or tension that drives the scene and engages the audience.
  • Streamline the dialogue to make it more purposeful and impactful, with each character contributing meaningfully to the conversation.
  • Consider adding visual elements or descriptions to enhance the setting and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Work on improving the pacing of the scene to maintain the audience's interest and create a sense of momentum.
  • Ensure that the character interactions feel authentic and meaningful, with each character's actions and dialogue contributing to the overall story.



Scene 7 -  Aftermath of the San Pedro Ship Fire
19 EXT. PIER - DAY - SAN PEDRO - PRESENT DAY 19

It is morning in the aftermath of the opening scene. Harsh
sunlight shines on a line of body bags on the dock.

Police swarm everywhere, photographers are taking pictures of
the scene while a team of men in rolled up sleeves and
plastic gloves pick at the remains.

Two men on a fire boat operate a water cannon, dousing the
smoldering remains of a burned-out ships hull.

Watching this from the edge of the pier is a man in a dark
suit. He is SPECIAL AGENT JACK BAER of the F.B.I. He is tall
and fit, in his late thirties. He gazes out over the water
thoughtfully.

YELLOW 06/11/94

A UNIFORM COP trots up to him.

COP
Who are you?

Baer holds up his badge without looking at the man.

BAER
Agent Jack Baer, F.B.I. How many dead?

Before the cop can answer, Baer turns and walks along the
line of body bags.

COP
Fifteen so far. We're still pulling some
bodies out of the water.

Baer eyes the corpses on the dock, burned beyond recognition.

COP
Looking for anyone in particular?
28.

Baer looks at the cop for the first time, unamused.

BAER
I don't want any of the bodies taken away
until I've had a chance to go over this,
understood?

COP
I have to clear the scene. I've got word
direct from the Chief.

Baer lights a cigarette, only half listening.

BAER
(unimpressed)
Yes, the chief. Spooky stuff. Any
survivors?

COP
Two. There's a guy in county hospital,
but he's in a coma. The D.A. has the
other guy - A cripple - from New York I
think. Listen, the Chief said -

BAER
Excuse me.

Baer walks away from the cop, ignoring him completely. He
wanders through the carnage on the pier.

YELLOW 06/11/94

20 MT. OCEAN 20

A half mile out from the pier.

The sea is choppy, stirred by the wind. An object floats into
view a few feet away, bobbing in the water.

It is A DEAD BODY - a man, face down, wearing a CHECKERED
BATHROBE. He drifts quietly toward the open ocean.
29.

21 INT. HEARING ROOM - DAY - LOS ANGELES PRESENT 21

Verbal Kint sits in a chair in front of a microphone attached
to a tape recorder, his brow beaded with sweat.

On the wall behind him is the seal of the STATE OF
CALIFORNIA.

He is cleaner, better kept, in a well-cut suit and neatly
trimmed hair. He looks older than he did in New York - worn
down.

A flurry of voices banter off screen. Verbal's eyes follow
the voices back and forth.

VOICE #1 (O.S.)
My client offers his full cooperation in
these proceedings. In exchange, his
testimony is to be sealed and all matters
incriminating to himself are to be
rendered inadmissible.

VOICE #2 (O.S.)
The district attorney's office will
comply provided -

VOICE #1
No provisions, nothing. My clients
testimony for his immunity.

VOICE #2
May-I be frank, Counselor? I suspect your
political power as much as I respect it.
I don't know why Mr. Kint has so many
faceless allies in City Hall, and I don't
care. The embarrassment he helped cause
the city of New York will not happen
here.

VOICE #1
Immunity.
30.

YELLOW 06/11/94

VOICE #2
Counselor, I will prosecute your client.

VOICE #1
Then prosecute. I will be very impressed
to see if the District Attorney manages
to bring in twenty-seven simultaneous
counts of murder against one man with
cerebral palsy. I would think a man with
your job would agree with these alleged
"faceless people in City Hall" you
mention.

VOICE #2 1
One would think the counsel is veiling a
threat.

VOICE #1
Counsel isn't veiling anything.

VOICE #2
I'11 take my chances then. I'11 feel
safer without a job if a man like Mr.
Kint is behind bars.

VOICE #1
Mr. Kint will plead guilty to weapons
possession.

VOICE #2
You're joking.

VOICE #1
Weapons. Misdemeanor one.

VOICE #2
Counselor, you're insulting me.

VOICE #1
Counselor, you're bluffing. Shall I push
for misdemeanor two?
31.

Voices mumble off screen. Verbal fidgets in his chair.

VOICE #2
Misdemeanor one. Fine. This is ludicrous.

A tiny smile and a genuine look of disbelief flash across
Verbal's face.

YELLOW 6/11/94

22B

VOICE #2
(clearing throat)
As for the rest of the charges grand
larceny, arson... murder - the district
attorney will accept the subject's
testimony in connection with the above
mentioned events and in exchange will
offer complete immunity. The
transcript... The transcript of said
testimony will be sealed and all matters
incriminating to Mr. Kint will be
rendered inadmissible.

Verbal lets out a long-held sigh of relief.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary FBI agent Jack Baer arrives on a pier in San Pedro to investigate the aftermath of a ship fire. He finds 15 bodies on the dock and learns of two survivors, one in a coma and the other in custody. Baer orders that the bodies not be removed until he has examined them. In a hearing room in Los Angeles, Verbal Kint negotiates immunity for his testimony in exchange for pleading guilty to a misdemeanor weapons charge.
Strengths
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Mystery and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual variety in setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through its dialogue and setting, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more about the characters and their motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of suspects being interrogated after a violent event is a classic crime drama trope, but the scene adds depth by exploring the characters' relationships and conflicting loyalties.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the suspects are questioned and tensions rise, setting the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime investigation genre, with a focus on character dynamics and philosophical conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity, especially in terms of loyalty, betrayal, and hidden agendas.

Character Changes: 7

The characters' loyalties and motivations are tested and revealed through their interactions, hinting at potential changes and developments in their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Special Agent Jack Baer's internal goal in this scene is to investigate the crime scene and gather information about the victims and survivors. This reflects his dedication to his job and his commitment to solving the case.

External Goal: 7

Special Agent Jack Baer's external goal in this scene is to maintain control of the crime scene and ensure that no evidence is tampered with before he has a chance to investigate. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the cop who wants to clear the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the suspects, law enforcement, and their own loyalties creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between Baer and the cop. The uncertainty of how the conflict will be resolved adds to the tension.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the characters' fates, their loyalties, and the unfolding mystery create a sense of urgency and importance in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, tensions, and revelations, setting the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Baer and the cop, as well as the unexpected revelation of the dead body floating in the ocean. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Baer's dedication to solving the case and the cop's need to follow orders and clear the scene. This challenges Baer's values of thorough investigation and justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and unease, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil and conflicting loyalties.

Dialogue: 8

The sharp and confrontational dialogue adds to the tension and suspense of the scene, showcasing the characters' conflicting motivations and loyalties.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and intriguing character dynamics. The conflict between Baer and the cop keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the intensity of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a crime investigation genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime investigation genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and formatting are effective in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the aftermath of the ship fire to a hearing room without a clear connection or smooth transition.
  • The dialogue between the voices in the hearing room is a bit convoluted and hard to follow, making it challenging for the audience to fully grasp the legal proceedings.
  • There is a lack of visual description in the scene, making it difficult to visualize the setting and the characters' actions.
  • Verbal's reaction to the outcome of the hearing is not fully explored or explained, leaving the audience somewhat disconnected from his emotional journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the aftermath of the ship fire and the hearing room to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Simplify the dialogue in the hearing room to make it more accessible and engaging for the audience.
  • Include more visual cues and descriptions to help the audience visualize the setting and the characters' interactions.
  • Expand on Verbal's emotional reaction to the outcome of the hearing to deepen the audience's connection to his character.



Scene 8 -  Verbal's Immunity and Mysterious Condition
22 INT. POLICE STATION - HALLWAY - DAY 22

David Kujan is walking quickly beside SERGEANT RABIN, a dark
and weathered looking man in his late thirties. They move up
a staircase into the heart of police headquarters.

KUJAN
What do you mean I can't see him?

RAB IN
The D.A. came down here last night ready
to arraign before they even moved him to
county. Kint's lawyer comes in and five
minutes later, the D.A.
32.
comes out looking like he'd been bitch-
slapped by the boogey man. They took his
statement and cut him a deal.

KUJAN
Did they charge him with anything?

RAB IN
Weapons. Misdemeanor two.

KUJAN
What'the fuck is that?

Rabin motions for Kujan to lower his voice. He points out
that they are walking through a bullpen filled with desks
where a number of other police are working within earshot.

RABIN
I give the D.A. credit for getting that
much to stick. This whole thing has
turned political. The Mayor was here -
the chief - the Governor called this
morning, for Christ's sake. This guy is

YELLOW 06/11/94

RABIN
protected - From up on high by the prince
of fucking darkness.

KUJAN
When does he post bail?

RAB IN
Two hours, tops.

KUJAN
I want to see him.

Rabin comes to an office door with his name on it. He opens
it and lets Kujan in before following.

PINK 06/07/94
33.

23 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 23

RABIN
Dave, please.

Rabin's office can only be described as a disaster area. The
desk is cluttered with weeks, perhaps months or even years of
paperwork that could never conceivably be sorted out.

Above his desk is a bulletin board. It is a breathtaking
catastrophe of papers, wanted posters, rap-sheets, memos and
+ post-its. This is in the neighborhood of decades. Rabin is
a man with a system so cryptic, so far beyond the
comprehension of others, he himself is most likely baffled by
it.

RABIN
Even if I was to let you talk to him, he
won't talk to you. He's paranoid about
being recorded and he knows the
interrogation rooms are wired.

KUJAN
This won't be an' interrogation, just
a... friendly chat to kill time.

RABIN
(enunciating)
He won't go into the interrogation room.

KUJAN
Someplace else, then.

RAB IN
Where?

Kujan looks around Rabin's messy office.

RABIN
No, no, no, no, no.
34.

KUJAN
If it was a dope deal, where's the dope,
if it was a hit, who called it in?

RABIN
And I am sure you have a host of wild
theories to answer these questions.

KUJAN
You know damn well what I think.

YELLOW 06/11/94

RABIN
That's crazy, Dave and it doesn't matter.
He has total immunity and his story
checks out. He doesn't know what you want
to know.

KUJAN
I don't think he does. Not exactly, but
there's a lot more to his story. I want
to know why twenty-seven men died on that
pier for what looks to be ninety-one
million dollars worth of dope that wasn't
there. Above all, I want to be sure that
Dean Keaton is dead.

RABI +N
He's dead.

KUJAN
Two hours. Just until he makes bail.

RABIN
They're all dead. No matter how tough you
r. say this Keaton was, no one on that
boat could've made it out alive.

PINK 06/07/94
35.

24 INT. HOSPITAL - DAY 24

A door marked INTENSIVE CARE. The door BURSTS OPEN. SUDDENLY,
the hallway is a flurry of activity.

DOCTOR LISA PLUMBER, age fifty, walks quickly beside JACK
BAER.

Baer walks with all of the determination of a battalion of
Chinese infantry.

DOCTOR RIDGLY WALTERS, a young intern in his late twenties
rushes up to them.

PLUMBER
Ridgly, this is Special Agent Jack Baer
from the F.B.I. Agent Baer, this is
Doctor Ridgly Waiters.

RIDGLY
Nice to meet you.

BAER
Is he talking?

RIDGLY
He regained consciousness less than an
hour ago. He spoke - not English - then
he lapsed.

BAER
Hungarian?

YELLOW 06/11/94

RIDGLY
I don't

BAER
It was Hungarian. Most of them were
Hungarians. Any fluent Hungarians on your
staff?
36.

RIDGLY
We have a Turkish audiologist. Ridgly
opens a door and Baer barrels through.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Detectives Kujan and Rabin discuss Verbal Kint's immunity and upcoming release. Kujan suspects more to Kint's story, but Rabin refuses to interrogate due to his paranoia. Meanwhile, Special Agent Baer discovers Kint has regained consciousness but is speaking Hungarian, adding further mystery to his case.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Effective investigation setup
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, with a strong focus on dialogue and investigation. The tension and suspense are effectively conveyed, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a crime and interrogating suspects is executed well in this scene. It sets up the mystery and conflict effectively.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the FBI agent tries to uncover the truth behind the crime. The scene sets up important questions and conflicts that drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre with its focus on political corruption, moral ambiguity, and complex character motivations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions drive the scene forward and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations set the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind a mysterious case involving the death of twenty-seven men and missing drugs. This reflects his desire for justice and closure, as well as his need to prove his theories correct.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gain access to a suspect for questioning before he posts bail. This reflects the immediate challenge of time sensitivity and the need to gather information quickly.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal and external. The characters are at odds with each other, and the investigation adds to the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that test the protagonist's determination and resourcefulness. The uncertainty of the suspect's guilt adds to the opposition.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters face potential consequences for their actions and decisions. The investigation could have far-reaching implications.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information and setting up new conflicts and questions for the audience to ponder.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation, the shifting allegiances of the characters, and the moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in the suspect's guilt and the system's protection of him. This challenges his values of truth and justice against the corrupt influences at play.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of concern and determination, drawing the audience into the investigation and the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, revealing important information about the characters and the plot. It adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and intriguing mystery. The conflict and character dynamics keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of fast-paced dialogue and slower moments of reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and formatting contribute to the tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the atmosphere and setting of the police station and hospital.
  • The dialogue feels a bit expository and lacks depth in character interactions and dynamics.
  • There is a missed opportunity to build tension and suspense in the conversation between Kujan and Rabin.
  • The cluttered office setting could be utilized more effectively to reflect Rabin's character and add visual interest to the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more subtext and nuance in the interactions between Kujan and Rabin.
Suggestions
  • Add more visual descriptions to set the scene and create a more immersive environment for the characters.
  • Enhance the dialogue by adding layers of subtext, conflict, and character development.
  • Introduce more tension and suspense by exploring the power dynamics between Kujan and Rabin.
  • Utilize the cluttered office setting to reflect Rabin's character traits and add depth to the scene.
  • Consider adding moments of silence or pauses to allow for the emotions and intentions of the characters to come through.



Scene 9 -  Arkosh Kovash's Urgent Plea
25 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 25

(<< .. DENOTES LINES SPOKEN IN HUNGARIAN)

Baer comes to an abrupt halt at the foot of a bed surrounded
by a massive tangle of medical equipment. In the center of it
all is the as yet unnamed ARKOSH KOVASH, mid-thirties. His
body is nearly mummified in bandages and plaster from waist
to chin.

BOLD IS OVERLAPPED:

KOVASH
<<Are you the police? I need the police.
He'll find out I'm here and he'll kill
me. I need the police. I will tell them
anything they want to know. Please, I am
going to be killed.>>

BAER
Will he die?

PLUMBER
There's a chance.

Baer walks over to Rovash and kneels down on the bed beside
him.

He looks closely at his battered and scalded face. He listens
to him far a moment. Kovash goes on incessantly.

KOVASH
<<Find someone who understands me, you
idiot, I'm going to be killed, You'll all
be killed if he has to do it. Help me,
God. They're all stupid. Get someone who
understands me or we're all going to
die.>>
37.

YELLOW 06/11/94

Baer pulls a cellular phone out of his jacket and dials.

BAER
Call hospital security and put a man on
the door until the police get here.

KOVASH
<<Why are you just standing there, you
idiot? I'm not speaking English am I?
Wouldn't it make sense to find someone
who could talk to me so you could find
the person that set me on fire, perhaps?
He is the Devil. You've never seen anyone
like Keyser Soze in all your miserable
life you idiot. Keyser Soze. Do you at
least understand that? Keyser Soze. The
Devil himself. Or are you American
policemen io stupid that you haven't even
heard of him. Keyser Soze, you ridiculous
man. KEYSER SOZE. >>

BLUE 06/01/94

Ridgly runs out of the room. Kovash babbles louder and
louder, trying to get Baer's attention. Baer sticks a finger
in one ear to block him out and hear the phone.

PLUMBER
Is he dangerous?

BAER
Yes.

Someone picks up on the other end of the phone.

BAER
Joel, it's Baer. I'm down at L.A. county.
The guy they pulled out of the harbor is
ARKOSH Kovash... Yes, I'm sure... No,
he's all fucked up... What? I can't hear
you.
38.
(to Arkosh)
Shut up, Hugo, I'm on the phone.
(into Phone)
Yes... No... Not until I put someone on
him. Listen, I need you to send me
someone who can speak Hungarian. He's
awake and talking like a Thai hooker...
How should I know? Get me someone who can
talk to him -

Baer is suddenly distracted by something Kovash has said. In
the middle of a long string of unintelligible dialect, he has
spouted two words that have gotten Baer's attention.

He turns and looks down at the tattered man in the bed.
Kovash realizes Baer is listening and says the two words
again.

KOVASH
Keyser - Soze.

BAER
What?

He waves his hand, gesturing for Kovash to say it again.

KOVASH
Keyser - Soze.

BAER
No shit?
(into Phone)
Joel, call Dan Metzheiser over at Justice
and find Dave Kujan from Customs.

YELLOW 06/11/94

26 INT. HALLWAY - POLICE STATION 26

Rabin walks out of a small room. Behind him, we catch a
glimpse of a workroom with a bench covered with wires.

Kujan comes out a moment later, gently fixing his tie.
39.

Rabin opens the door to his office and Kujan enters. Rabin
follows, looking up and down the hall before closing the door
behind them.

As the door closes we can just make out the back of Verbal's
head. He is seated in Rabin's office, smoking a cigarette.

27 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 27

Kujan and Rabin sit down across from Verbal.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KUJAN
(exasperated)
Verbal, you know we're trying to help
you.

VERBAL
Sure. And I appreciate that. And I want
to help you, Agent Kujan. I like cops. I
would have liked to have been a Fed
myself but my C.P. was -

KUJAN
Verbal, I know you know something. I know
you're not telling us everything.

VERBAL
I told the D.A. everything I know.

28 INT. WORKSHOP 28

Rabin stands over LOUIS, a messy looking technician at his
workbench in a room full of electronic equipment. He adjusts
several dials on a receiver until the voices of Kujan and
Verbal come clearly through a tinny speaker on the wall.
Rabin reaches over for a nearby pot of coffee.

KUJAN (VOICE)
I know you liked Keaton I know you think
he was a good man.
40.

VERBAL (VOICE)
I know he was good.

KUJAN (VOICE)
He was a corrupt cop, Verbal.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Baer encounters Arkosh Kovash, a severely injured man in a hospital room who frantically asks for police protection. Kovash mentions the name Keyser Soze, and Baer tries to communicate with him by making phone calls to get someone who can speak Hungarian.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Revealing dialogue
  • Plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Complexity of the plot may require close attention from the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, and introduces a significant plot twist that raises the stakes for the characters. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a hidden, powerful figure like Keyser Soze adds depth and complexity to the story. The revelation of his existence changes the dynamics of the narrative and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 9

The plot thickens with the introduction of Keyser Soze and the characters' realization of the danger they are in. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets up new challenges for the protagonists.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and mysterious character, Keyser Soze, adding a fresh and intriguing element to the story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the revelation of Keyser Soze showcase their vulnerabilities and fears, adding layers to their personalities. The scene deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo a shift in their perception of the world and the dangers they face, especially with the revelation of Keyser Soze. This change sets the stage for their future actions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand the situation and protect the injured patient, reflecting his sense of duty and compassion.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure the safety of the injured patient and gather information about the attacker, reflecting the immediate challenge of dealing with a dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing imminent danger and the revelation of Keyser Soze raising the stakes significantly. The tension between the characters and the unknown threat creates a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the injured patient's desperate pleas and the protagonist's sense of duty creating conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing a dangerous and unknown threat in the form of Keyser Soze. The revelation of his existence raises the stakes significantly and puts the characters in a perilous situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new information, raising the stakes, and setting up future conflicts. It deepens the mystery surrounding Keyser Soze and keeps the audience invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden introduction of Keyser Soze and the escalating tension between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in justice and protection of the innocent, contrasting with the patient's fear and desperation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and distrust in the audience, as they are drawn into the characters' dangerous situation. The emotional impact is heightened by the characters' vulnerability and the looming threat of Keyser Soze.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is tense, impactful, and reveals crucial information about the characters and the plot. It keeps the audience engaged and enhances the scene's suspenseful atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and mysterious character introduction.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure follows the expected format for a suspenseful thriller, with a clear progression of events and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene in the hospital room with Baer and Kovash is intense and filled with tension, which is effective in building suspense and intrigue.
  • The dialogue between Baer and Kovash is gripping and adds depth to the character of Kovash, making the audience empathize with his fear and desperation.
  • The revelation of the name 'Keyser Soze' adds a significant plot twist and raises the stakes, creating a sense of mystery and danger.
  • The transition to the police station hallway and Rabin's office is smooth and maintains the suspense from the previous scene.
  • The dialogue between Kujan, Rabin, and Verbal in Rabin's office is engaging and keeps the audience invested in the unfolding story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions in the hospital room scene to enhance the setting and atmosphere.
  • Explore deeper into Kovash's backstory and his connection to Keyser Soze to add more depth to his character.
  • Introduce more subtle hints or clues about Keyser Soze earlier in the script to build anticipation and intrigue leading up to this scene.
  • Provide more context or background information about the significance of Keyser Soze to help the audience understand the gravity of the situation.
  • Consider adding a bit more action or movement in the police station scene to break up the dialogue and keep the pacing dynamic.



Scene 10 -  Verbal's Interrogation
29 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 29

VERBAL
Sure. Fifteen years ago, but he was a
good thief Anyway, the cops wouldn't let
him go legit.

KUJAN
Keaton was a piece of shit.

VERBAL
You trying to get a rise out of me, Agent
Kujan?

YELLOW 06/11/94

KUJAN
I just want to hear your story.

YELLOW 06/11/94

VERBAL
It's right here.

He taps a finger on the stack of paper that Kujan brought in.
Kujan picks it up and thumbs through it.

KUJAN
According to your statement you are a
short-con operator. Run of the mill
seams. Everything you do, you learned
from somebody else.

VERBAL
That's been suppressed. Anything in there
is inadmissible.
41.

KUJAN
Oh, I know. Sweet deal you have. Total
immunity.

VERBAL
(laughing)
Well I do have the weapons charge. I'm
looking at six whole months hard time.

KUJAN
(smiling)
You know a dealer named Ruby Deemer,
Verbal?

VERBAL
You know a religious guy named John Paul?

KUJAN
You know Ruby is in Attica?

VERBAL
He didn't have my lawyer.

KUJAN
I know Ruby. He's very big on respect.
Likes me very much.

Verbal sees this getting to something. His smiles fades.

KUJAN
Now I know your testimony was sealed.
Ruby is well connected. He still has
people running errands for him. What do
you think he'd say if he found out you
dropped his name to the D.A.?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

VERBAL
There's nothing in there about Ruby.

KUJAN
I'11 be sure to mention that to him.
42.

Verbal is not smiling anymore. He stares at Kujan with utter
contempt, knowing he is being shafted.

KUJAN
The first thing I learned on the job,
know what it was? How to spot a murderer.
Let's say you arrest three guys for the
same killing. Put them all in jail
overnight. The next morning, whoever is
sleeping is your man. If you're guilty,
you know you're caught, you get some rest
- let your guard down, you follow?

VERBAL
No.

KUJAN
I'11 get right to the point. I'm smarter
than you. I'11 find out what I want to
know and I'11 get it from you whether you
like it or not.

VERBAL
I'm not a rat.

Kujan puts his hand on the transcript of Verbal's confession.
Rabin walks in with a cup of coffee. Verbal takes it with his
good hand and sips it with a relish.

VERBAL
Ahhh. Back when I was picking beans in
Guatemala we used to make fresh coffee.
Right off the trees I mean. That was
good. This is shit, but hey...

RAB IN
Can we get started again?

KUJAN
Now what happened after the line-up?

Verbal sneers at Kujan, unable to change the subject.
43.

BLUE 06/01/94
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Kujan confronts Verbal about his knowledge of Ruby Deemer, accusing him of being a murderer. Verbal remains defiant, but becomes concerned as Kujan threatens him. The scene ends with Kujan continuing to question Verbal, leaving the audience uncertain of the outcome.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging and gripping, with a strong focus on character dynamics and tension. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience on edge, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, which revolves around the interrogation of a key character, is executed with precision and depth. It delves into the power play between Verbal and Kujan, adding layers to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene is driven by the interrogation process and the revelation of information. It adds depth to the overall story and raises questions about the characters' motivations and loyalties.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tense interrogation between a criminal and a detective. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are unpredictable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Verbal and Kujan, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. Their conflicting personalities and agendas create a compelling dynamic that keeps the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics, particularly between Verbal and Kujan, there are no significant character changes in this scene. The focus is more on the power struggle and manipulation.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and not reveal any incriminating information to Agent Kujan. He is trying to protect himself and his reputation as a criminal.

External Goal: 7

Verbal's external goal in this scene is to navigate the interrogation and avoid incriminating himself further. He is trying to outsmart Agent Kujan and protect his own interests.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, driven by the power struggle between Verbal and Kujan. Their conflicting agendas and personalities create tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Verbal and Kujan engaged in a battle of wits and wills. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene, as Verbal's testimony and Kujan's investigation have significant implications for the characters and the overall story. The power struggle and manipulation add to the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information through the interrogation process. It adds depth to the characters and raises questions about their motivations, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Verbal and Kujan, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Verbal's desire to maintain his criminal reputation and protect himself, and Kujan's determination to uncover the truth and bring justice. This conflict challenges Verbal's beliefs about loyalty and self-preservation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the tense interactions between the characters. The audience is drawn into the power play between Verbal and Kujan, creating a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, tense, and filled with subtext. It reveals the power struggle between Verbal and Kujan, adding layers to their characters and the overall narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue and psychological tension between the characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a tense interrogation scene, with a clear focus on dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Verbal and Kujan lacks depth and complexity, making the interaction feel flat and unengaging.
  • The tension between the characters is not effectively conveyed, resulting in a lack of suspense and intrigue in the scene.
  • Verbal's responses to Kujan's questions come across as too casual and nonchalant, diminishing the impact of the interrogation.
  • The scene lacks visual elements and descriptions, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the setting and characters' actions.
  • The conflict between Verbal and Kujan is not fully explored or developed, missing an opportunity to create a more compelling dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to the dialogue by incorporating subtext and hidden motives in Verbal and Kujan's interactions.
  • Enhance the tension between the characters through body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice.
  • Give Verbal more complexity in his responses, showing internal conflict and vulnerability beneath his facade of nonchalance.
  • Include visual cues and descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
  • Further develop the conflict between Verbal and Kujan by exploring power dynamics, manipulation, and psychological warfare.



Scene 11 -  Releasing Keaton
30 EXT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT - NEW YORK - SIX WEEKS PRIOR 30

Keaton stops at the top of the front steps of the police
station and lights a cigarette. Edie comes out behind him,
fuming mad.

EDIE
...and the desk Sergeant is actually
trying to tell me he can't release you?
Can you believe that? You weren't even
charged. New York police - Jesus. I want
to take pictures of your face to bring to
the D.A. first thing in the morning.

KEATON
Just forget about it.

He looks across the street and sees Fenster and McManus
talking by a newsstand. McManus is thumbing through
magazines.

EDIE
Absolutely not.

Keaton looks to his right and sees Hockney trying to hail a
cab.

EDIE
I'11 have this thing in front of a grand
jury by Monday.

KEATON
Edie, please. I don't want to hear this
right now. What did Renault and Fortier
say?

EDIE
They want more time to think about
investing.
44.

KEATON
Goddamnit.

EDIE
They just said they wanted time.

KEATON
Time for what, Edie? Time to look into me
a little more, that's what. No matter how
well you cover my tracks now, they'll
find out who I am.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

EDIE
Give me some credit. I got you this far,
let's go to the grand jury. This is never
going to stop if we -

KEATON
No. It's never going to stop, period. It
won't take more than a week before every
investor in this city is walking away
from us. It's finished. I'm finished.

Just then, Verbal bumps into him on his way out the door. He
excuses himself and hobbles down the steps, oblivious to who
he has bumped into as he tries to navigate the stairs.

EDIE
Don't give up on me now, Dean.

KEATON
They'll never stop.

EDIE
I love you.

KEATON
(to himself)
They ruined me tonight.
45.

EDIE
Dean, I love you. Do you hear me?

Verbal gets to the sidewalk and stops. He turns, realizing it
is Keaton on the steps.

EDIE
Let's just go to my place. We'll worry
about this tomorrow.

Keaton and Verbal look at one another for a moment. Keaton
then looks over to the newsstand and sees Fenster looking at
him.

KEATON
Huh?

McManus notices Fenster and glances up from his magazine to
see what he is looking at.

EDIE
Come home with me, please. Dean?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Keaton looks at Hockney who has one foot in a cab. He is
looking at Fenster and McManus who are looking at Keaton.
This makes Hockney look up at Keaton as well.

SUDDENLY, Edie tunes in to what is going on. She notices the
others on the street. She reaches over and takes Keaton by
the arm, pulling gently. She glares at the others.

EDIE
Come home, Dean.

KEATON
(distant)
Alright.

Verbal looks at everyone else from where he stands on the
street.
46.
Fenster, McManus and Hockney all look at him and then at each
other. It is a strange moment of unspoken understanding.

All eyes finally turn to Keaton, high on the front steps of
the police station as he walks away with Edie.

31 INT. HALLWAY - DAY 31

Verbal stands in front of an apartment door. He hesitates for
a long moment before he knocks.

After a moment, the door opens and Keaton stands on the other
side of it. He is wearing a bathrobe and smoking a cigarette.

He looks at Verbal without any expression whatsoever.

KEATON
What are you doing here'! How did you
find me?

VERBAL
I just asked one of the detectives
downtown. He seemed pretty happy to tell
me.

Keaton curses under his breath and motions for Verbal to come
in.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Keaton and Edie exit the police station, with Edie expressing her rage about their treatment and wanting to press charges. Keaton advises her to drop it. Across the street, they spot Fenster, McManus, Hockney, and Verbal. Edie urges Keaton to take legal action but he refuses. Keaton and Edie are confronted by Verbal as they leave the station. Edie pleads with Keaton to accompany her home, and he agrees. Fenster, McManus, Hockney, and Edie observe Keaton as Verbal watches from the street.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • High stakes and emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual variety in setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and drama, setting up a crucial turning point for the characters. The emotional depth and high stakes add to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of facing consequences for past actions and making difficult decisions is well-executed in this scene. It sets up important character dynamics and plot developments.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with key revelations and character interactions driving the story forward. The conflicts and stakes are heightened, adding depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre, focusing on the emotional and moral consequences of criminal actions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' emotions and motivations are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their internal struggles and relationships. The dialogue and interactions reveal layers to each character.

Character Changes: 7

Keaton undergoes a significant internal change in this scene, facing the consequences of his actions and making a crucial decision. The other characters also show development in their interactions and reactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Keaton's internal goal is to come to terms with the fact that his criminal activities have caught up with him and to accept the consequences of his actions.

External Goal: 7

Keaton's external goal is to deal with the fallout from his criminal activities, including facing potential investors and legal consequences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflicts in the scene are intense and multi-layered, driving the emotional and narrative tension. The characters' internal and external conflicts add depth to the story.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and motivations.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing serious consequences for their actions. The tension and drama are heightened by the risks involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, setting up important plot points and character arcs. It raises the stakes and builds anticipation for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' moral choices and the consequences of their criminal actions. Keaton is struggling with the realization that his actions have led to his downfall.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, particularly in Keaton's internal struggle and the strained relationships between the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It adds tension and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, realistic dialogue, and emotional depth. The conflicts and struggles of the characters draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with characters engaging in mundane conversations that do not drive the plot forward.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, failing to capture the emotional complexity of the characters' relationships and conflicts.
  • The interactions between Keaton, Edie, and Verbal lack tension and fail to create a sense of urgency or intrigue.
  • The scene lacks visual and sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and atmosphere.
  • There is a lack of subtext and underlying tension in the interactions between the characters, making the scene feel flat and unengaging.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to be more impactful and revealing of the characters' motivations and emotions.
  • Add subtext and hidden agendas to the interactions between the characters to create intrigue and tension.
  • Consider adding visual and sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Focus on driving the plot forward with each scene, ensuring that every interaction serves a purpose and moves the story towards its resolution.
  • Work on building up the conflict and stakes in the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.



Scene 12 -  The Proposition
32 INT. EDIE'S APARTMENT 32

Verbal walks in and sits down on the couch, watching Keaton
cautiously. He looks around the large apartment, beautifully
furnished and decorated.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Edie walks into the room in a man's button-down shirt and
sweat pants.

EDIE
Dean, who was at the --

She stops when she sees Verbal. Verbal stands and smiles
nervously.
47.

VERBAL
How do you do?

KEATON
Verb - Roger, this is Edie Finneran.
Edie, this is Roger Kint, he was at --

EDIE
(cold)
I know who he is.

VERBAL
I hope I didn't disturb you.

EDIE
I hope so, too, Mr. Kint. Can I get you
something to drink?

VERBAL
A glass of water would be nice.

Edie shoots a look at Keaton on her way out of the room.
Keaton tries to hush his voice despite his anger.

KEATON
What the hell do you want?

VERBAL
I wanted to talk to you. The other guys -

KEATON
I did you a favor by standing up for you
last night, but don't think we're
friends. I'm sorry, but I have other
things -

VERBAL
They're gonna do a job. Three million
dollars, maybe more.

Keaton is speechless. Verbal sits on the couch again.
48.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

VERBAL
They sent me to offer you a cut. We could
use a fifth man - a driver - That's all
you'll do.

Edie walks in with a glass of ice water and hands it to
Verbal.

VERBAL
Thank you.

Verbal drinks slowly. Edie stands over him, her face blank.
It is an awkward moment. She deliberately makes Verbal
uncomfortable.

LONG PAUSE - FINALLY:

EDIE
So what is it you do, Mr. Kint?

VERBAL
Umm ...

EDIE
A hijacker like Dean, here? Or something
more creative?

KEATON
That's enough, Edie.

EDIE
(angry)
I don't know what you came here for, but
we won't have any part of it.

KEATON
Edie, please.

Keaton takes Edie by the arm and tries to guide her toward
the other room. She pulls away, anger turning to rage.
49.

EDIE
I've spent the last year of my life
putting his back together again - I won't
have you come in here and - What makes
you think - GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY HOME.
HOW DARE YOU COME HERE?

Keaton is pulling her now. She yanks her arm away and shoves
him.

YELLOW 06/11/94

EDIE
Don't touch me. Just don't --

She turns and walks out of the room. Somewhere in the back of
the apartment, a door slams. Keaton turns and glares at
Verbal. Verbal cringes.

KEATON
Get out.

VERBAL
If you'll just let me -

SUDDENLY, KEATON LUNGES. He grabs Verbal by the lapels and
lifts him off the couch, moving him effortlessly across the
room and slamming him into the wall next to the front door.
He opens it.

VERBAL
Don't hurt me.

KEATON
(seething)
Hurt you, you sonofabitch? I could kill
you.

Keaton starts to shove Verbal out the door.

VERBAL
(Quickly)
They're going to hit the Taxi Service.
50.

Keaton freezes. LONG PAUSE.

VERBAL
New York's Finest Taxi Service.

KEATON
They - That's bullshit. They don't
operate anymore.

VERBAL
McManus has a friend in the Fourteenth
Precinct. They're coming out for one job -
Thursday. They're picking up a guy
smuggling emeralds out of South America.
Fenster and McManus have a fence set to
take the stuff.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
What fence? Who?

VERBAL
Some guy in California. His name is
Redfoot.

KEATON
Never heard of him.

Keaton moves to throw Verbal out. Verbal grabs Keaton and
holds tight.

VERBAL
You have to come.

KEATON
What's with you? What do you care whether
I come or not?

VERBAL
They - They don't know me. You do. They
won't take me unless you go. Look at me.
I need this.
51.

KEATON
Tough break.

VERBAL
Don't tell me you don't need this. Is
this your place?

Keaton is unable to answer.

VERBAL
They're never going to stop with us, you
know that. This way we hit the cops where
it hurts and get well in the mean time.

Keaton lets Verbal go and steps back, thinking.

VERBAL
As clean as you could ever get, they'll
never let you go now.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

VERBAL
I'm not knocking you. You look like
you've got a good little seam going with
this lawyer -

WHAM. Keaton punches Verbal in the stomach and drops him to
one knee. Verbal coughs and tries to find his breath.

KEATON
You watch your mouth.

VERBAL
(Gasping)
Okay, okay. You say it's the real thing?
That's cool.

Keaton reaches for Verbal. Verbal flinches. Keaton gently
helps him up and guides him to the couch. They bath sit.

Keaton reaches for a pack of cigarettes and lights one for
each of them.
52.

KEATON
I apologize.

Verbal takes one and has a few drags, catching his breath and
rubbing his stomach in pain.

FINALLY:

VERBAL
I was out of line.

KEATON
You okay?

VERBAL
I'11 be alright.

KEATON
Well, I'm sorry.

VERBAL
Forget it.
(beat)
I'11 probably shit blood tonight.

Keaton laughs. Verbal thinks about it for a moment and laughs
with him.

Keaton's laughter trails off. He thinks for a moment.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

KEATON
How are they going to do it?

VERBAL
McManus wants to go in shooting. I said
no way.

KEATON
Fenster and Hockney?
53.

VERBAL
They're pretty pissed off. They'll do
anything. Now I got a way to do it
without killing anyone: but like I said,
they won't let me in without you.

KEATON
Three million?

VERBAL
Maybe more.

KEATON
No killing?

VERBAL
Not if we do it my way.

LONG PAUSE

KEATON
(Llst in thought)
I swore I'd live above myself.

Verbal smiles, knowing he has him.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Verbal visits Keaton and Edie's apartment and offers Keaton a share of a $3 million job, which involves robbing New York's Finest Taxi Service. Edie is initially hostile, but Keaton agrees after Verbal threatens to reveal his criminal past to the police. They reconcile after Keaton punches Verbal in the stomach, and agree to work together.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Violent outburst
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, emotional depth, and significant plot development. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the narrative forward and revealing the characters' motivations and conflicts effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of offering Keaton a role in a criminal job while navigating personal relationships and moral dilemmas is executed with intensity and depth. The scene effectively explores themes of loyalty, betrayal, and the consequences of criminal activities.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds dynamically, introducing a high-stakes criminal job offer that challenges Keaton's moral compass and loyalty. The scene advances the narrative significantly, setting up future conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the heist genre by focusing on interpersonal dynamics and moral dilemmas within the criminal group. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and relationships driving the tension in the scene. Keaton's internal conflict, Verbal's manipulative nature, and Edie's emotional turmoil add depth to the interactions.

Character Changes: 8

Keaton experiences a significant internal conflict and moral dilemma, showcasing a potential shift in his character arc. Verbal's manipulative nature and Edie's emotional outburst also contribute to character development and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal is to gain acceptance and approval from Keaton and Edie, as well as to prove his worth and value to the criminal group. This reflects his deeper need for validation and belonging.

External Goal: 9

Verbal's external goal is to convince Keaton to join the upcoming heist job and secure his position within the criminal group. This reflects the immediate challenge of recruiting a key member for the job.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as Keaton grapples with a tempting criminal offer while facing emotional turmoil with Edie and Verbal. The high stakes and intense interactions heighten the conflict throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and values between the characters leading to dramatic confrontations and power struggles. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involve a lucrative criminal job offer, moral dilemmas, and strained relationships, adding tension and urgency to the scene. The characters face significant decisions with potential consequences, heightening the stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a crucial criminal job offer, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and decisions. It advances the narrative with tension and suspense.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected reactions from characters, and the uncertain outcome of the heist job. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of criminal activities and the consequences of violence. Edie's anger and refusal to participate in illegal activities challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, including anger, defiance, tension, and hope, as the characters navigate complex relationships and moral dilemmas. The emotional depth adds layers to the narrative and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and emotionally charged, revealing the characters' inner conflicts and motivations. It drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high emotional stakes, dramatic conflict, and intense character interactions. The audience is drawn into the tension and uncertainty of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed pauses and emotional beats. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the intensity of the interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and emotional beats. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with the dialogue feeling disjointed and lacking focus.
  • The tension between Keaton, Edie, and Verbal is not effectively built up, making the emotional outbursts feel forced and unnatural.
  • The transition between Edie's anger towards Verbal and Keaton's sudden change of heart is abrupt and lacks proper development.
  • The physical altercation between Keaton and Verbal feels out of place and does not serve a clear purpose in the scene.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and lacks depth, failing to fully explore the characters' motivations and conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing the tension and conflict between the characters more gradually to make the emotional outbursts feel more organic.
  • Provide clearer motivations for the characters' actions and decisions to make the scene more engaging and believable.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a clearer arc and purpose, with each character's actions and dialogue contributing to the overall narrative.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to be more concise, impactful, and reflective of each character's unique voice and personality.
  • Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the interactions between the characters to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 13 -  Ambush at Kennedy Airport
33 EXT. KENNEDY AIRPORT - DAY 33

VERBAL (V.O.)
New York's finest Taxi Service was not
your normal taxi service. It was a ring
of corrupt cops in the N.Y.P.D. that ran
a high-profit racket, driving smugglers
and drug dealers all over the city. For a
few hundred dollars a mile, you got your
own black and white and a police escort.
They even had their own business cards.

OSCAR WHITEHEAD, a tall gray-haired man in his fifties comes
out of the international terminal in a white linen suit. He
holds a large suitcase in his right hand.
54.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
After a while, somebody started asking
questions and the taxi service shut down.
Ever since then, Internal Affairs had
been waiting to catch them in the act.

Oscar stands on the curb long enough to light a cigarette.
After a moment, a POLICE CRUISER pulls up to him. He opens
the back door and gets in.

VERBAL (V.O.)
And that was how we started. McManus came
to us with the job; Fenster got the vans;
Hockney supplied the hardware; 'I came
through with how to do it so no one got
killed - but Keaton - Keaton put on the
finishing touch. A little "Fuck you" from
the five of us to the N.Y.P.D.

The car drives out of the airport. A VAN follows at a
distance.

34 INT. POLICE CAR 34

SERGEANT JIM STRAUSZ, a meaty, imposing looking man in his
forties drives the car. Beside him is a thin, greasy looking
PATROLMAN, STEVE RIZZI. They are two drivers for New York's
Finest Taxi Service.

RIZZI
How was the flight?

Oscar hands Rizzi a thick envelope.

OSCAR
Will that get me to the Pierre?

Rizzi counts the stack of hundred dollar bills in the
envelope .
55.

RIZZI
That'll get you to Cape God.

The two men laugh. Strausz watches the road, expressionless.

35 EXT. HIGHWAY 35

The cruiser heads towards the heart of Manhattan.

YELLOW 06/11/94

36 EXT. STREET - LATER 36

The police car makes its way down a wide, abandoned street. A
WHITE MINIVAN pulls out behind it and heads the same way.

37 INT. POLICE CAR 37

Strausz looks in the rear-view mirror. The white minivan is
flashing his high-beams.

STRAUSZ
What the...

RIZZI
LOOK OUT.

Strausz looks in front of him. A green minivan swerves in
front of them from out of nowhere. Strausz slams on the
brakes and skids to a halt. The white minivan rams them from
behind.

Strausz and Rizzi are stunned for a moment as two more vans
screech up on either side of the cruiser, boxing it in with
only a few inches between them.

The cruiser is surrounded on all sides.

SUDDENLY, SHOTGUN BARRELS come through the open windows. They
come to rest, one on Strausz's left temple one on Rizzi's
right. RIZZI looks out of the corner of his eye.

He sees the driver of the van next to him holding the shotgun
with one hand. A stocking is over the driver's head.
56.
Strausz looks straight ahead. The minivan in front of them is
missing a back window. Another man with a stocking on his
head aims a sub-machine gun at them from inside.

By the twisted right hand holding the front of the gun, we
know it is Verbal. Strausz and Rizzi raise their hands
without being asked.

38 EXT. STREET 38

The driver of the white van gets out with a gallon jug in one
hand and a sledge hammer in the other.

Moving like lightning, he jumps onto the roof of the police
car

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

He stands on the front of the roof and swings the hammer
down.

39 INT. POLICE CAR 39

SMASH

The hammer punches three huge holes in the windshield and
finally caves it in. Strausz and Rizzi are covered with
pebbles of broken glass. Whitehead clutches his bag in the
back seat. He trembles in terror.

The man standing on the roof doubles over and sticks a gun in
Strausz's face. His face hangs upside down and looks gruesome
- covered from the mouth up in a stocking. By the voice, we
know it is McManus.

MCMANUS
GIVE ME THE SHIT.

STRAUSZ
Give it up.

Oscar hands the suitcase up front and Strausz passes it to
McManus.
57.

40 INT. FRONT VAN 40

Through the front windshield of the front van we see Keaton
at the wheel. Verbal is behind him leaning out the back
window.

Beneath Keaton's stocking mask we see he is trembling and
sweating - sickened by what he is doing.

He glances up at the rear-view mirror and looks at the scene
outside. He looks down at the floor in shame, shaking his
head.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Oscar Whitehead, a smuggler, hires a corrupt police taxi service to transport him to the Pierre Hotel. The taxi service is ambushed by a group of robbers led by Verbal Kint, who steals Whitehead's suitcase.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, action, and strong character dynamics. It effectively sets up the heist and builds anticipation for the upcoming events.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of corrupt cops running a taxi service for criminals is intriguing and sets the stage for a high-stakes heist. The execution of the heist plan adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression towards the heist. The tension and conflict between the characters drive the narrative forward and keep the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on the crime genre, with corrupt cops running a high-profit taxi service for criminals. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are complex and their conflicting motivations add depth to the scene. Each character's unique traits and relationships contribute to the overall tension and suspense.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and motivations, the scene primarily focuses on setting up the heist. However, the characters' reactions hint at potential changes to come.

Internal Goal: 8

Oscar Whitehead's internal goal in this scene is to successfully complete a criminal operation without getting caught or killed. This reflects his desire for power, control, and a sense of accomplishment.

External Goal: 7

Oscar's external goal is to deliver a suitcase of illegal goods to the designated location without any interference from law enforcement or rival criminals. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in this scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high throughout the scene, with intense moments of confrontation and suspense. The characters' conflicting interests create a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and uncertain outcome. The audience is kept in suspense as they wonder how the characters will navigate the dangerous circumstances.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters risking their lives and freedom to execute the heist. The intense car chase and ambush raise the tension and highlight the dangerous nature of their mission.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the heist plan, escalating the conflict, and setting up the upcoming events. It keeps the audience invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking turn of events, such as the ambush on the police car and the characters' unexpected actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of the characters' actions. They are engaging in criminal behavior and betraying their roles as law enforcement officers, which challenges their beliefs, values, and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and determination in the characters, as well as in the audience. The emotional intensity adds depth to the heist setup and engages the viewers.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. It enhances the suspense and builds anticipation for the heist.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, tense atmosphere, and morally complex characters. The high stakes and unpredictable nature of the events keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly handled, with a gradual buildup of tension leading to a climactic confrontation. The rhythm of the action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting that enhances the readability and impact of the action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a crime thriller, with a buildup of tension and suspense leading to a dramatic confrontation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up the criminal operation involving corrupt cops in the N.Y.P.D. and the planned heist of Oscar Whitehead.
  • The tension and suspense are well-established as the police car is surrounded by vans and the officers are threatened at gunpoint.
  • The character of Keaton is portrayed as conflicted and sickened by the violence, adding depth to his role in the heist.
  • The use of visual cues, such as Keaton trembling and sweating, enhances the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The dialogue and actions of the characters effectively convey the high-stakes nature of the heist and the fear experienced by the police officers.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Keaton to further explore his moral dilemma and internal struggle.
  • Provide more context or backstory on the corrupt cops in the N.Y.P.D. and their involvement in the criminal operation.
  • Enhance the visual elements to heighten the tension and suspense of the scene, such as through lighting and camera angles.
  • Explore the emotional impact on the characters, especially Keaton, in greater depth to create a more compelling narrative.
  • Consider adding a twist or unexpected turn of events to keep the audience engaged and guessing.



Scene 14 -  The Heist's Aftermath
41 INT. POLICE CAR 41

McMANUS The money. Strausz looks at Rizzi.

MCMAMJS
THE MONEY. LET'S HAVE IT.

Rizzi hands the money through the remains of the windshield.

YELLOW 06/11/94

McManus takes the money and stuffs it in his jacket. He steps
back and takes the cap off of the gallon jug. He quickly
pours some kind of liquid all over the roof of the car.

STRAUSZ
Do you know who I am?

A hand reaches into the driver's side window and rips
Strausz's badge off of his shirt.

Strausz dares to turn his head right at the shotgun pointing
at him through the window. On the other end is a masked and
smiling Todd Hockney.

HOCKNEY
We do now, Jerk-off.

McManus lights a pack of matches and drops them on the roof
of the car as he jumps off. THE LIQUID IGNITES, the roof of
the car is instantly in flames.
58.
Strausz and Rizzi attempt to bail out, but the vans are too
close for them to open the doors. The vans pull away.

Strausz and Rizzi escape from the car. Oscar is trapped
inside, SCREAMING. Strausz and Rizzi stop, each expecting the
other to go let Oscar out.

42 EXT. STREET - LATER 42

The scene is swarming with fresh police cars. Strausz and
Rizzi are fielding questions from a dozen other cops.

Photographers are everywhere.

VERBAL (V.O.)
The papers got Keaton's call that day and
were on the scene before the cops were.
Strausz and Rizzi were indicted three
days later. Within a few weeks, fifty
more cops went down with them. It was
beautiful. Everybody got it right in the
ass, from the chief on down.

YELLOW 06/11/94

43 INT. GARAGE - NIGHT 43

Hockney, Fenster, McManus and Verbal are all laughing in a
secluded garage. They are still in their black clothes from
the robbery. Hockney is throwing everyone a can of beer.

Keaton sits off by himself. He watches the others, unable to
join in the festivities.

The others sit around a cheap card table. It is covered with
emeralds. Dozens of them. Everyone is in awe. McManus There's
more than I thought.

HOCKNEY
When does the fence come? McMANUS
Redfoot? He never comes to see me. I have
to go see him.
59.

VERBAL
In California?

MCMANUS
Yeah. It'll take a few days. Me and
Fenster

HOCKNEY
Hold the fuckin' phone. You and Fenster?
No, no, no.

MCMANUS
Guys, come on.

HOCKNEY
I'm sure you can understand my
hesitation.

FENSTER
Then who goes?

HOCKNEY
We all go. How about it, Keaton?

All eyes turn to Keaton. He comes out of his trance.

KEATON
We need to lay low for a while.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MCMANUS
Fine with me.

PAUSE

Everyone looks at each other, their moment of distrust
blowing over. All eyes drift back to the emeralds on the
table.

Hockney begins to snicker, then McManus, then Fenster. Verbal
joins in at last. McManus grabs Verbal and hugs him, shaking
him violently.
60.

MCMANUS
My boy with the plan.

SUDDENLY, everyone yells and pours beer over Verbal's head.
He laughs as he is drenched in white foam, nearly choking as
the others chant his name.

Keaton watches from across the room, trying to smile in vain.

44 SCENE DELETED 44

45 INT. WAITING ROOM - LAW OFFICE - DAY 45

Keaton and Verbal sit side by side on a sofa. A sign on the
door behind them reads: MONTGOMERY and LaGUARDIA - ATTORNEYS
AT LAW.

VERBAL
We're going to miss the flight.

KEATON
We'll make it.

VERBAL
Don't do this. Send her a card -
something.

KEATON
We'll make it.

VOICE (O.S.)
Ms. Finneran will be with you in a
moment.

Keaton stands and paces across the waiting room. He comes to
a set of glass doors and looks through them.

YELLOW 06/11/94

Keaton realizes he is standing on a balcony overlooking a
library below.

He sees Edie working in the library with an old woman. The
two women talk for a moment.
61.

SUDDENLY, Keaton turns with a start. Verbal is standing
behind him.

VERBAL
We're gonna miss the plane.
(beat)
She'll understand.

YELLOW 06/11/94

Edie is smiling and laughing with the old woman. Keaton's
face is marked with guilt and anguish. Keaton turns and walks
out of the waiting room. Verbal takes one last glance at Edie
and turns back to Keaton.

46 INT. LIBRARY 46

Edie seems to sense something behind her. She turns and looks
through the glass doors and up into the waiting room.

NOTHING IS THERE. She goes back to chatting with the old
woman.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary McManus forces Rizzi to surrender the stolen money. He then ignites the car, leaving Oscar trapped inside. Strausz and Rizzi escape but are detained by the police. The gang, including Keaton, Hockney, McManus, Fenster, and Verbal, celebrate their success with emeralds they stole. Keaton experiences a pang of guilt upon seeing Edie in the library. Edie observes something, but when she investigates, Keaton has disappeared.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • High-stakes heist setup
Weaknesses
  • Some characters' reactions may be predictable
  • Lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up the conflict for the upcoming events. The dialogue is engaging, and the character dynamics are intriguing.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a heist gone wrong and the aftermath is well-executed, with a focus on character relationships and the consequences of their actions.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging, with a focus on the aftermath of the heist and the characters' reactions to the unfolding events.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the heist genre, with unexpected twists and complex character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience shifts in their relationships and motivations, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and assert dominance over the situation. This reflects their need for power and control in their criminal activities.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully complete the heist and evade capture by the police. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict present, both internal and external, driving the tension and drama of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing significant challenges and obstacles that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the characters facing the consequences of their actions and navigating dangerous situations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and developments, setting up future events in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in power dynamics, unexpected character actions, and surprising plot developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' criminal values and the law enforcement's values. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to guilt, adding depth to the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and realistic, revealing the tensions and dynamics between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, intense emotional moments, and unexpected plot twists.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with effective use of action lines and dialogue to drive the narrative forward.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a crime thriller, with a buildup of tension, a climax of action, and a resolution that sets up future conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a tense and violent confrontation between McManus and the corrupt police officers, which sets a dark tone for the rest of the scene.
  • The dialogue and actions of the characters reveal their ruthless and criminal nature, adding depth to their personalities.
  • Keaton's internal struggle and guilt are subtly portrayed through his actions and expressions, adding emotional depth to the scene.
  • The camaraderie and celebration among the group of robbers provide a contrast to the earlier violence, showing the complex dynamics within the group.
  • The scene effectively builds tension and foreshadows potential conflicts and consequences for the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue to further explore Keaton's internal conflict and guilt.
  • Enhance the visual elements to emphasize the contrasting emotions and dynamics within the group of robbers.
  • Introduce subtle hints or clues about future conflicts or betrayals to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.
  • Explore the aftermath of the violent confrontation with the corrupt police officers to deepen the impact on the characters and the story.
  • Consider incorporating symbolic elements or motifs to enhance the thematic depth of the scene.



Scene 15 -  Verbal's Plea for Keaton
47 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE -DAY - LOS ANGELES - PRESENT 47

KUJAN
Heartwarming. Really, I feel weepy.

VERBAL
You wanted to know what happened after
the line-up, I'm telling you.

KUJAN
Oh come on, Verbal. Who do you think
you're talking to? You really expect me
to believe he retired? For a woman?
Bullshit. He was using her.

VERBAL
He loved her.
62.

KUJAN
Sure. And I'm supposed to believe that
hitting the Taxi Service wasn't his idea
either.

VERBAL
That was all Fenster and McManus.

KUJAN
Come on. Keaton was a cop for four years.
Who else would know the Taxi Service

PINK 06/07/94

KUJAN
Better? That job had his name all over
it.

VERBAL
You keep trying to lay this whole ride on
t Keaton. It wasn't like that. Sure he
knew, but Edie had him all turned around.
r I'm telling you straight, I swear.

KUJAN
Let me tell you something. I know Dean
Keaton. I've been investigating him for
three years. The guy I know is a cold-
+ blooded bastard. L.A.P.D. indicted him
on three counts of murder before he was
kicked off the force, so don't sell me
the hooker with the heart of gold.

VERBAL
You got him wrong.

KUJAN
Do I? Keaton was under indictment a total
of seven times when he was on the force.
In every case, witnesses either reversed
their testimony to the grand jury or died
before they could testify.
63.
When they finally did nail him for fraud,
he spent five years in Sing Sing. He
killed three prisoners inside - one with
a knife in the tailbone while he
strangled him to death. Of course I can't
prove this but I can't prove the best
part either.

Kujan pauses to drink some coffee.

KUJAN
Dean Keaton was dead. Did you know that?
r He died in a fire two years ago during
an investigation into the murder of a
witness who was going to testify against
him. Two people saw Keaton enter a
warehouse he owned just before it went
up. They said he had gone in to check a
leaking gas main. It blew up and took all
of Dean Keaton with it. Within three
months of the explosion, the two
witnesses were dead, one killed himself
in his car and the other fell down an
open elevator shaft.

PINK 06/07/94

48 SCENE DELETED 48

49 SCENE DELETED/DIALOGUE MOVED - BOTTOM SCENE 47 49

PINK 06/07/94

50 INT. WORKSHOP 50

Rabin and Louis look at one another as they listen.

KUJAN
(on speaker)
Six weeks ago I get an anonymous call
telling me I can find Keaton eating at
Mondino's with his lawyer, and there he
is.
64.
Now because he never profited from his
alleged death and because someone else
was convicted for the murder we tried to
pin on Keaton, we had to let him go.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Verbal argues Keaton's innocence while Kujan suspects his involvement in murders, citing witness deaths and Keaton's previous indictments. Kujan remains unconvinced despite Verbal's insistence that Keaton retired due to love for Edie. The scene concludes with the revelation that Keaton was sighted recently, escalating the investigation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Revealing character backstories
  • Building suspense and tension
Weaknesses
  • Complexity of plot may be overwhelming for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, with intense dialogue and revelations about the characters' pasts. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its dark and suspenseful tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering the truth behind Dean Keaton's alleged death and his criminal past is intriguing and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot thickens as new information about the characters is revealed, creating tension and raising questions about their motivations and actions.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on crime and mystery, with complex characters and a suspenseful narrative. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding originality to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Dean Keaton and Verbal, are complex and multi-dimensional, with hidden depths and conflicting motivations that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 7

The scene reveals new facets of Dean Keaton and Verbal's characters, showing their vulnerabilities, secrets, and hidden agendas, leading to potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal is to convince Kujan of Dean Keaton's innocence and genuine love for a woman, despite his criminal past. This reflects Verbal's desire to reveal the truth and protect his friend's reputation.

External Goal: 7

Verbal's external goal is to explain the events after the line-up and defend Dean Keaton's actions to Kujan. He wants to clear Keaton's name and prove his innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Verbal and Kujan, as well as the revelations about Dean Keaton's past, create a high level of tension and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kujan's skepticism and Verbal's defense creating conflict and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the scene, as the characters' lives and reputations are on the line, with the truth about their pasts threatening to unravel their present.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters' pasts and motivations, setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the conflicting beliefs and motivations of the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the truth and outcome of the conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust, loyalty, and the nature of criminality. Kujan's skepticism and Verbal's defense of Keaton's character highlight conflicting beliefs about human nature and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from shock and suspense to empathy and intrigue, as the characters' dark pasts are slowly uncovered.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals crucial information about the characters' pasts and relationships. It adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the mystery and tension of the conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-paced dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for its genre, with clear dialogue, character interactions, and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Kujan and Verbal feels a bit forced and lacks subtlety in revealing Keaton's character.
  • The exposition about Keaton's past and alleged crimes is delivered in a heavy-handed manner, making it feel less impactful.
  • The scene lacks nuance in portraying Keaton's complexity as a character, relying too heavily on telling rather than showing.
  • The tension between Kujan and Verbal could be heightened with more subtle cues and subtext in their interactions.
  • The revelation of Keaton's supposed death and the subsequent deaths of witnesses feels rushed and could benefit from a more gradual buildup.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Kujan and Verbal to create a more nuanced and engaging conversation.
  • Show Keaton's character through actions and interactions rather than relying solely on exposition from Kujan.
  • Build up the tension between Kujan and Verbal by incorporating subtle cues and subtext in their dialogue and body language.
  • Slow down the revelation of Keaton's past and alleged crimes to create a more suspenseful and impactful moment.
  • Explore different ways to reveal Keaton's supposed death and the deaths of witnesses to create a more chilling and mysterious atmosphere.



Scene 16 -  Interrogation About Kobayashi
51 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 51

KUJAN
He was dead just long enough for a murder
rap to blow over, then he had lunch.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

VERBAL
I don't know about that.

KUJAN
I don't think you do. But you say you saw
Keaton die. I think you're covering his
ass and he's still out there somewhere. I
think he was behind that whole circus in
the harbor. My bet is he's using you
because you're stupid and you think he's
your friend. You tell me he's dead, so be
it. I want to make sure he's dead before
I go back to New York.

VERBAL
(Blurting)
He wasn't behind anything. It was the
lawyer.

KUJAN
What lawyer?

PAUSE

KUJAN
What lawyer, Verbal?

Verbal stammers for a moment, looking around wildly.
65.

VERBAL
Back when I was in that barber shop
quartet in Skokie, Illinois I used to
have.

Kujan grabs Verbal's shirt and yanks him half out of his
seat.

KUJAN
You think I don't know you held out on
the D.A.? What did you leave out of that
testimony? I can be on the phone to Ruby
Deemer in ten minutes.

VERBAL
The D.A. gave me immunity.

KUJAN
NOT FROM ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. THERE IS
NO IMMUNITY FROM ME. You atone with me or
the world you live in becomes the hell
you fear in the back of your tiny mind.
Every criminal I have put in prison,

YELLOW 06/11/94

KUJAN
every cop who owes me a favor, every
creeping scumbag that works the street
for a living, will know the name of
Verbal Kint. You'll be the lowest sort of
rat, the prince of snitches, the loudest
cooing stool pigeon that ever grabbed his
ankles for the man. Now you talk to me,
or that precious immunity they've seen so
fit to grant you won't be worth the paper
the contract put out on your life is
printed on.

Verbal looks at Kujan with utter contempt.

VERBAL
There was a lawyer. Kobayashi.
66.

KUJAN
Is he the one that killed Keaton?

VERBAL
No. But I'm sure Keaton's dead.

KUJAN
Convince me. Tell me every last detail.

52 SCENE DELETED 52
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary FBI agent Kujan interrogates Verbal Kint about a lawyer named Kobayashi. Kint initially denies knowing him, but Kujan threatens to expose his immunity deal. Under pressure, Kint reveals that Kobayashi is connected to the murder of Keaton and provides details about his involvement, convincing Kujan that Keaton is indeed dead.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Revealing crucial information
Weaknesses
  • Some stammering in Verbal's dialogue
  • Lack of clarity on certain details

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with intense dialogue and a strong sense of conflict that drives the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a tense interrogation between Verbal and Kujan is executed effectively, revealing key information and building suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot thickens as Verbal's past is further explored, adding layers of complexity to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tense interrogation and the dynamic between the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Verbal and Kujan's dynamic is compelling, with Verbal's defiance and Kujan's determination creating a captivating interaction.

Character Changes: 7

Verbal's defiance and Kujan's determination showcase a shift in their dynamic, hinting at deeper character development to come.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and maintain his cover while being interrogated by Kujan. He is trying to navigate the situation without revealing too much information.

External Goal: 7

Verbal's external goal is to convince Kujan that he is telling the truth and to ensure his own safety in the face of potential threats.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Verbal and Kujan is intense and multi-layered, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kujan posing a significant threat to Verbal and creating obstacles for him to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Verbal's immunity and Kujan's determination to uncover the truth heighten the tension and suspense of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Verbal's past and setting up future conflicts and revelations.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics between Verbal and Kujan, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around truth and deception. Verbal is trying to maintain his facade while Kujan is trying to uncover the truth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension and suspense, with Verbal's defiance and Kujan's determination creating an emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and drives the conflict forward, revealing crucial information and character motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper dialogue formatting and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a suspenseful interrogation scene, with a clear conflict and rising tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the dialogue and character motivations. Verbal's sudden mention of a lawyer named Kobayashi feels forced and out of context, making it difficult for the audience to follow the conversation.
  • The tension between Kujan and Verbal is not effectively built up, leading to a lack of emotional impact in the scene. The dialogue feels rushed and the conflict between the characters is not fully explored.
  • Verbal's sudden change in demeanor from being defiant to revealing information about Kobayashi feels inconsistent and needs better justification within the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience. As it stands, the dialogue-heavy nature of the scene may make it less engaging for viewers.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the dialogue to provide more context and build up the tension between Kujan and Verbal. This will help make the scene more compelling and emotionally resonant.
  • Provide a clearer motivation for Verbal's sudden revelation about Kobayashi. This could be achieved by integrating this information more seamlessly into the conversation or by foreshadowing it earlier in the script.
  • Explore opportunities to incorporate visual elements or actions that can enhance the scene and create a more dynamic and engaging viewing experience.
  • Consider revising Verbal's character arc in this scene to ensure consistency in his behavior and motivations. This will help create a more believable and compelling interaction between him and Kujan.



Scene 17 -  Confrontation in the Hospital Room
53 INT. HOSPITAL - DAY 53

(<< >> DENOTES LINES SPOKEN IN HUNGARIAN)

Kovash's room is now filled with people. Jack Baer stands
next to DANIEL METZHEISER, a balding man in his forties. Next
to him is Doctor Plumber. Across from her is Ridgly Waiters.
Sitting beside the bed is TRACY FITZGERALD, a casually
dressed woman in her late twenties. She holds a 15x20 inch
drawing pad on her lap. Police fill the hall. People are
talking loudly outside. LIONEL BODI, a cop in his mid-
twenties pushes his way in.

BAER
Are you the translator?

BODI
Patrolman Lionel Bodi, sir.

YELLOW 06/11/94

PLUMBER
Agent Beer, this is getting out of hand.

BAER
I'11 see to it we're gone before he blows
his porch light, Doctor. Baer gestures to
Tracy.
67.

BAER
(to Bodi)
This is Tracy Fitzgerald. She's a
composite sketch artist from county.

The young couple smile at one another nervously.

BODI
Hi.

TRACY
Hi.

METZHEISER
(impatient)
I've got a noon meeting, Baer.

PLUMBER
Agent Baer, please.

BAER
Everyone calm down.
(to Bodi)
Ask this man about the shoot-out in the
harbor.

BODI
<<My name is Bodi. How are you'>>

Kovash smiles with relief when he hears his own language.

KOVASH
<<How am 17 You are as stupid as that
one, but at least I can talk to you.>>

BODI
<<You'll be alright. He is from the
F.B.I. He is here to help you. He wants
to know what happened in the harbor.>>

KOVASH
<<We were there to buy a man and take him
back to Hungary.>>
68.

YELLOW 06/11/94

BODI
He says they were buying It doesn't make
sense. I'm sorry, I'm a little rusty.
They were there to buy something.

BAER
Dope, we know.

KOVASH
<<You don't understand me either? God
help me, they are all idiots.
(talking slowly)
We were there to buy a man, you simple
boy. A witness. I don't know his name. A
witness who knew the Devil.>>

BODI
Not dope. Something else. Some what?.. He
doesn't know what they were buying. But
not dope... people.

KOVASH
<<I'll tell you everything. I'11 even say
it slow enough for you to understand it.
Just tell this man I want protection.
Real protection.>>

YELLOW 06/11/94

METZHEISER
Your witness is whacked, Baer.

BODI
He says he'll tell us everything he knows
if we protect him.

.BAER
Tell him fine.

BODI
<<He says that is fine.>>
69.

KOVASH
<<No, no, no. I need a guarantee from the
ridiculous man. I am going to be killed.
I have seen the Devil and looked him in
the eye.>>

BODI
No good. He needs guarantees. He says...
his life is in danger... He has seen the
Devil... looked him in the eye.

METZHEISER
I'11 be on my way.

Baer grabs Metzheiser by the arm.

BAER
(to Bodi)
Tell him to tell this man what he was
telling me before. Who is the Devil? Who
did he see?

BODI
<<Who is this Devil you keep talking
about?>>

KOVASH
Keyser Soze He was in the harbor shooting
everyone in sight.>>

Metzheiser is suddenly interested.

BODI
He says he saw him in the harbor. He was
shooting... Killing... Killing many men.

METZHEISER
Did he say Keyser Soze? He saw Keyser
Soze?
70.

YELLOW 06/11/94

BODI
He says he saw him in the harbor. He was
shooting... Killing... Killing many men.

METZHEISER
Did he say Keyser Soze? He saw Keyser
Soze.

KOVASH
<<Keyser Soze. Keyser Sate. I've seen his
face. I see it when I close my eyes.>>

BODI
He says he knows his face. He sees it
when he closes his eyes.

YELLOW 06/11/94

METZHEISER
Ask him what this Devil looks like.

BAER
(to Tracy)
Ready?

Tracy holds up her pad and pencil. She nods.

54 EXT. LOS ANGELES SKYLINE - DAY - FIVE WEEKS PRIOR 54

VERBAL (V.O.)
McManus' fence was this guy named
Redfoot. He had a good reputation around
L.A. Seemed like a good guy - Looked like
a cowhide full of thumbtacks.
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In the midst of a crowded hospital room, FBI agent Jack Baer interrogates Kovash, a Hungarian witness to a deadly harbor shootout. Kovash demands protection in exchange for his testimony, revealing that he saw Keyser Soze, a notorious criminal, shooting and killing several men. Baer agrees to provide protection, and Kovash proceeds to describe Soze's appearance to composite sketch artist Tracy Fitzgerald.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Revelation of Keyser Soze
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Complex dialogue
  • Lack of visual cues for Hungarian language

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and introduces a crucial plot point with the revelation of Keyser Soze, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a witness seeking protection after encountering a notorious figure adds complexity to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters, driving the story forward.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with the introduction of Keyser Soze and the witness seeking protection, creating intrigue and setting the stage for further developments in the investigation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and intriguing premise with the mention of Keyser Soze and the protagonist's desperate plea for protection. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are involved in a high-stakes situation that tests their loyalties and reveals new information, adding depth to their motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional turmoil and face difficult choices in the scene, leading to potential shifts in their relationships and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect himself and seek real protection from the law enforcement officers. He is fearful for his life after encountering a dangerous individual known as Keyser Soze.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to provide information about the events that took place in the harbor and seek protection from the authorities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the witness seeking protection, the revelation of Keyser Soze, and the characters' conflicting motivations creating intense drama and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges in convincing the law enforcement officers of his story and seeking protection from a dangerous individual.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters grapple with the threat of Keyser Soze and the need to protect the witness, leading to intense drama and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot by introducing new information about Keyser Soze and the witness seeking protection, setting the stage for further developments in the investigation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of Keyser Soze and the protagonist's desperate plea for protection. The audience is left wondering about the truth behind the protagonist's claims.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in the existence of evil, represented by Keyser Soze, and his plea for protection from the law enforcement officers who may or may not believe his story.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and suspense in the audience, as the characters face a dangerous situation and the mystery of Keyser Soze deepens.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the scene, with characters expressing fear, suspicion, and desperation in their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and the mystery surrounding Keyser Soze. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's story and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information and character motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a progression of events that build tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple characters and conversations happening simultaneously.
  • The dialogue between Kovash and the translator is confusing and lacks clarity, making it difficult for the audience to follow.
  • There is a lack of tension and suspense in the scene, despite the potentially high stakes and dramatic elements.
  • The transition from the hospital setting to the Los Angeles skyline is abrupt and disjointed, disrupting the flow of the narrative.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and actions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue between Kovash and the translator to make it more coherent and impactful.
  • Focus on building tension and suspense by emphasizing the urgency of Kovash's situation and the gravity of his revelations about Keyser Soze.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a more seamless transition between the hospital setting and the Los Angeles skyline.
  • Introduce more visual elements to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Clarify the central conflict and character motivations to ensure that the scene contributes effectively to the overall narrative.



Scene 18 -  Parking Lot Job Offer
55 EXT. FRIENDSHIP BELL - NIGHT 55

All five guys stand in a group. It is utterly quiet. An old
but well kept Cadillac creeps into the lot from the far end
and idles up to them. The windows are tinted too much to see
in. The car passes within a few feet of them and drives on.
71.
A moment later, a chrome and leather monster of a Harley
Davidson pulls into the lot. The rider is dressed in an
almost comical array of leather, silver and suede.

He waves to the Caddy as it parks a few yards from Keaton and
the others. It sits quietly, almost menacing.

As he gets closer, we can see he is wearing one black boot
and one red. Keaton is still looking at them when the bike
pulls up to them and stops.

REDFOOT and McManus shake hands.

REDFOOT
How've you been?

MCMANUS
Good. You?

REDFOOT
Alright. How's it going, Fenster?

FENSTER
Getting by.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

REDFOOT
You got it?

McManus holds up a briefcase.

Redfoot takes it and gets off the bike. He walks over to the
Caddy. The door of the Caddy opens. Redfoot hands the case to
Someone inside that we cannot see. The door closes.

KEATON
(whispering)
Snazzy dresser this guy.

A moment later, the door of the Caddy opens again. Someone
hands Redfoot a different briefcase and he walks back over to
McManus.

He hands him the case.
72.

McManus hands the case back to Hockney. Hockney opens it,
revealing the stacks of money inside.

REDFOOT
You must be Keaton.

MCMANUS
Jesus, I'm sorry. Redfoot, this is Dean
Keaton, that's Todd Hockney, and that's
Verbal Kint.

REDFOOT
(to Verbal)
The man with the plan.

Verbal smiles.

REDFOOT
Are you guys interested in more work?

McManus moves to answer, but Keaton cuts him off.

KEATON
We're on vacation.

REDFOOT
I've got a ton of work and no good
people.

MCMANUS
What's the job?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Keaton shoots McManus a foul look. McManus pretends not to
notice.

REDFOOT
A jeweler out of Texas named Saul. He
rents a suite at a hotel downtown and
does free appraisals. Buys whatever he
can. Word is he moves with a lot of cash.
73.
I'11 take the merchandise, you keep the
green.

HOCKNEY
Security?

REDFOOT
Two bodyguards. Pretty good.

MCMANUS
Give us time to check it out?

REDFOOT
I'd expect nothing less.

MCMANUS
We'll call you.

REDFOOT
Take your time. Enjoy L.A.

KEATON
A friend of mine in New York tells me you
knew Spook Hollis.

REDFOOT
I hear you did time with old Spook. Yeah,
he was a good egg. I used to run a lot of
dope for him. Fuckin' shame he got
shivved.

KEATON
I shivved him.

Now McManus is shooting the angry look at Keaton.

KEATON
Better you hear it from me now than
somebody else later.

REDFOOT
Business or personal?
74.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

KEATON
A little of both.

REDFOOT
Ain't it a crime? Call if you're
interested.

Redfoot fires up his bike and takes off with the Caddy close
behind.

MCMANUS
(to Keaton)
What's your fucking problem?

KEATON
One job, that was the deal.

MCMANUS
Take it as it comes, brother.

KEATON
This is bullshit.

McManus laughs and walks away. Fenster and Hockney follow.
Verbal turns to Keaton.

VERBAL
What is it Keaton?

KEATON
(distant)
Something - I don't know.
(shaking himself)
I ever tell you about the restaurant I
wanted to open?

Keaton walks off. Verbal follows him in confusion.

VERBAL (V.O.)
L.A., was good for about two hours. We
were from New York.
75.
There's no place to eat after one; you
can't get a pizza that doesn't taste like
a fried fruit-bat, and the broads don't
want to know you if you don't look like a
broad. Within a few days the last of us
was ready to go back to N.Y., but Keaton
wouldn't have it, so he really didn't
have a choice. We went to work.

YELLOW 06/11/94
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Five men meet in a parking lot at night. Redfoot, a motorcycle rider, arrives with a briefcase and offers them a job. Keaton cuts off McManus and says they're on vacation, but McManus asks about the job details. Redfoot gives information about the target, Saul, and the security involved. When Redfoot leaves, Keaton reveals to him that he killed Spook Hollis, causing McManus to get angry. The men leave, with Keaton upset and Verbal following him.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on character motivations
  • Some dialogue may be too cryptic or vague

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces new plot elements, and deepens character dynamics, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what unfolds next.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a criminal meeting to discuss a new job opportunity is well-executed, adding layers to the story and setting up future conflicts. The introduction of Redfoot as a mysterious figure adds intrigue and suspense.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene with the introduction of a new job, escalating tensions among the characters, and hinting at past connections and conflicts. The scene sets up future events and character arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar elements of organized crime and criminal activities but adds a fresh perspective through the nuanced character interactions and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' personalities and motivations are further developed in this scene, especially through their interactions with Redfoot and each other. The dynamics between the characters create conflict and intrigue.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in this scene, as new job opportunities and past connections challenge their loyalties and motivations. The introduction of Redfoot hints at potential betrayals and shifting alliances.

Internal Goal: 8

Keaton's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his reputation and integrity within the criminal underworld. His fear of losing control and respect is reflected in his interactions with Redfoot and his decision to reveal his past actions to him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to resist getting pulled back into criminal activities and maintain his vacation plans. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his criminal past with his desire for a normal life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as the characters navigate a new job opportunity, past connections, and escalating tensions among themselves. The introduction of Redfoot adds a layer of mystery and potential betrayal.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and potential consequences for the characters' actions. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters navigate a new job opportunity, potential betrayals, and escalating tensions among themselves. The introduction of Redfoot adds an element of danger and mystery.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new job opportunity, escalating tensions among the characters, and hinting at past connections and conflicts. It sets up future events and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of Keaton's past actions and the potential for future conflicts with Redfoot. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate these challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to criminal associates and personal values. Keaton's decision to reveal his past actions to Redfoot challenges the values of loyalty and honesty within the criminal world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes tension, suspense, and intrigue, keeping the audience emotionally engaged as the characters navigate new challenges and hidden motives. The stakes are high, adding to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, filled with subtext, and reveals hidden motives and tensions among the characters. It drives the scene forward, adding depth to the characters and setting up future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing character dynamics, and the hint of future conflicts. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information and character dynamics. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character names, and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a buildup of tension, character introductions, and a hint of future conflicts. The pacing and formatting contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of tension or conflict, which is crucial for maintaining audience engagement.
  • The dialogue feels a bit flat and lacks depth, making it difficult for the characters to come alive on screen.
  • The introduction of Redfoot and the job offer feels rushed and lacks proper build-up, making it hard for the audience to invest in the storyline.
  • The interaction between Keaton and McManus regarding the murder of Spook Hollis feels forced and lacks emotional depth.
  • The transition from the job offer to Keaton reminiscing about opening a restaurant in New York feels abrupt and disjointed.
Suggestions
  • Introduce more conflict or tension between the characters to create a sense of urgency and keep the audience engaged.
  • Work on developing more nuanced and realistic dialogue to bring the characters to life and make their interactions more compelling.
  • Build up the introduction of Redfoot and the job offer to create anticipation and intrigue among the audience.
  • Focus on adding emotional depth to the scenes involving personal revelations or conflicts to make them more impactful.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different story beats to ensure a cohesive flow in the scene.



Scene 19 -  Parking Garage Ambush
56 INT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT 56

McManus walks along a line of cars. He comes across a black
Mercedes and stops. He looks down at the license plate and
walks over to the next car, a green Honda. He pulls a slim-
jim out of his jacket and pops the lock an the Honda. He
reaches in and opens the hood. He walks around and sticks his
head in the engine.

57 INT. VAN 57

Verbal sits behind the wheel. Keaton is beside him. Hockney
and Fenster are in the back. They all watch McManus from
where they are parked a few dozen yards away.

58 INT. PARKING GARAGE 58

DING-DING

The elevator bell sounds at the far end of the garage. The
doors open. Two men in ill-fitting suits get out and look
around cautiously. The first is TUCCI, a big bellied, white
haired menace. The other is HIGHAM, lean and bad skinned.
They are bodyguards and give it away by their every careful
move.

They turn back to the elevator and motion to someone inside.

Out walks SAUL BERG, a slightly overweight man in his forties
with an open collar silk shirt and a thick gold chain on his
hairy chest. He carries a LARGE ALUMINUM BRIEFCASE.
76.

He lets his guards do the worrying. He walks straight to his
car.

Saul passes McManus under the hood of the Honda. He takes out
his keys and pushes a button on his key chain. The Mercedes
beeps three times and tells Saul his alarm is off.

Tucci keeps an eye on McManus. Higham watches Saul.

McManus pretends to tinker with the car's engine. He has put
a pistol just inside the grill and keeps it within reach.

The van on the other side of the garage starts and pulls out
of the spot. It cruises over toward the Mercedes.

Tucci sees the van. He and Higham are suddenly busy trying to
keep track. They hear laughing behind them and turn around.

YELLOW 06/11/94

FENSTER and HOCKNEY are walking towards them. They are
sporting mustaches and sunglasses in addition to matching
suits, each with loud plaid sport coats, decades out of
style. Saul glances at Tucci and Higham.

HIGHAM
Just get in the car Saul.

Under the hood of the Honda and out of sight, McManus pulls
on a black ski mask. The van gets closer.

HOCKNEY
I get out of the car, and man if the
thing wasn't wrecked. And I see this
broad in the back seat with nothing on.

Saul gets in the car quickly but calmly as Fenster and
Hockney laugh and talk louder. They look drunk - The desired
effect.

HOCKNEY
I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe -
77.

Tucci and Higham try to take it all in stride. Saul's reverse
lights come on and he begins to back out of the spot.

HOCKNEY
...And the fat guy comes out of the car
with his pants on backwards and says -

SUDDENLY, the van revs and screeches to a halt behind Saul's
Mercedes, blocking him in. Hockney and Fenster drop the drunk
act and snap to. They both pull out guns and start screaming.

HOCKNEY
DON'T MOVE, YOU FUCKERS.

FENSTER
RIGHT THERE. FREEZE.

McManus comes up from under the hood.

Tucci and Higham throw their hands in the air. Hockney and
Fenster grab them and reach into their belts to get their
guns.

Keaton jumps out of the van and runs up to Saul's car, his
face covered in a ski mask. He yanks on the door handle but
it is locked. Saul sits in terror behind the wheel. Keaton
pulls out a pistol and smashes the window with it.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
Give me the case.

Saul reaches over for the case. Keaton trains the gun on him.

SUDDENLY, Saul comes up with a pistol and points it at
Keaton. Keaton sidesteps and grabs his wrist. The gun goes
off into the fender of the Honda.

Hockney and Fenster both look over at the sound of the gun.

Tucci and Higham seize the opportunity. Tucci grabs Hockney,
Higham grabs Fenster. The four men grapple for the guns.
78.

Fenster's gun falls to the floor. McManus picks it up. He
trains a pistol on each bodyguard and takes a breath. They
are some ten feet apart and moving erratically. Hockney and
Fenster constantly fall in the line of fire.

McManus walks around the four men, keeping a pistol trained
on each of the guards. Finally he comes to an angle where
they are all in front of him. One guard is a few feet away,
the other is ten feet past him.

McMANUS' P.O.V.

The closer of the two moves in and out of the sights of the
pistol in McManus' right hand, the one farther away does the
same with the left.

Verbal gets out of the van and moves towards them to help.

BOOM

Both of McManus' guns go off like one shot. Tucci and Higham
collapse, each with a bullet in his head

PAUSE

The only sound is Saul grappling with Keaton for the gun. His
arm is halfway out the window. His elbow rests in the door
frame.

Keaton cannot get the gun out of his hand. Finally, he pushes
down with all his weight. Saul's elbow breaks backwards on
the door frame. He screams in agony. The gun falls from his
hand.

BLUE 06/01/94

All five of the men look at each other for an impossibly long
moment. The confusion is only aggravated by Saul's screaming.

SLOWLY, Keaton raises his pistol and aims it at Saul. His
hand trembles, his eyes squint to near slits. His finger
tenses and slacks off over and over again on the trigger.

BOOM
79.

VERBAL SHOOTS SAUL. Keaton looks at him in surprise. Verbal
trembles more than he does.

The garage is silent.

HOCKNEY
What the hell?

MCMANUS
Bad day. Fuck it.

DING-DING

The elevator light comes on. All five men look.

KEATON
Move.

Keaton reaches into the car and grabs Saul's case. Everyone
else piles into the van. Keaton gets in as Verbal is driving
for the exit.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary McManus's group ambushes Saul Berg's group in a parking garage to steal a briefcase. McManus kills Berg's bodyguards, while Keaton breaks Berg's arm and Verbal shoots him. The group escapes with the briefcase.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Surprising twist
  • Tense dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a well-executed heist sequence, intense character interactions, and a surprising turn of events that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a heist in a parking garage is executed with precision, incorporating elements of suspense, action, and character dynamics to create a compelling and thrilling scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the heist, with intricate details, escalating tension, and a significant twist that propels the story forward and adds depth to the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on a heist scenario, with unique character dynamics and unexpected twists. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each with distinct personalities, motivations, and conflicts that drive the narrative forward and create compelling dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters undergo changes in the scene, revealing new facets of their personalities, motivations, and relationships, adding depth to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

McManus' internal goal is to successfully execute the heist without getting caught or harmed. This reflects his desire for financial gain and his fear of failure or consequences.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to steal the large aluminum briefcase from Saul Berg. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the heist operation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, driving the characters to make difficult choices and leading to a violent confrontation that raises the stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that create suspense and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters risking their lives in a dangerous heist, facing betrayal, violence, and unexpected twists that keep the audience engaged and invested.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, introducing new conflicts, escalating tensions, and setting up future events, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twists, character actions, and unexpected outcomes that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the morality of committing a crime for personal gain. The characters must grapple with their own values and beliefs in order to carry out the heist.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and suspense, as well as shock and surprise with the unexpected twist, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, tense, and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions, intentions, and conflicts effectively, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and unexpected twists that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, escalating action, and maintaining a sense of urgency throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a heist genre, with a buildup of tension, a climactic confrontation, and a resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear character motivations and development. It's unclear why McManus is tampering with the car and what his ultimate goal is.
  • The tension and suspense in the scene could be heightened by providing more context and background information on the characters' relationships and intentions.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially during the confrontation with Saul Berg. The interactions between the characters could be more nuanced and realistic.
  • The action sequences are somewhat chaotic and difficult to follow. Clearer descriptions of the movements and actions of each character would improve the scene.
  • The resolution of the scene feels rushed and lacks emotional impact. The aftermath of the shooting could be explored in more depth to add depth to the characters' reactions.
Suggestions
  • Clarify McManus' intentions and motivations for tampering with the car to create a more coherent and engaging sequence.
  • Develop the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
  • Enhance the action sequences by providing clearer descriptions of the characters' movements and actions to improve the flow and readability of the scene.
  • Consider extending the aftermath of the shooting to explore the emotional impact on the characters and add depth to their reactions.
  • Add more depth to the characters' relationships and interactions to create a more engaging and immersive scene.



Scene 20 -  Confrontation and Standoff
59 INT. VAN 59

The mood in the van is grim. Everyone is silent. Keaton pops
the clasps on the case and opens it.

KEATON
Son of a bitch.

Everyone looks in the case. It is filled with cash on one
side. The other side is filled with clear plastic bags of
WHITE POWDER.

60 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT 60

Keaton and the others stand in silhouette in front of the
lights of an oncoming car in the distance. We can make out
McManus loading a gun.

KEATON
What are you doing?
80.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MCMANUS
What does it look like? I'm going to kill
him.

KEATON
We did it your way. Now I'11 deal with
him.

MCMANUS
You gonna kill him?

KEATON
I'm going to deal with him.

The car, Redfoot's escort Caddy, is now in front of them. The
horn lets out three short blasts.

Redfoot comes around from behind the Caddy on his motorcycle.
He gets off the bike, trying to hide a faint smile. McManus
throws Saul's case on the ground in front of him.

MCMANUS
What the fuck is this, Redfoot?

REDFOOT
Get a grip. I didn't know.

KEATON
You didn't know.

YELLOW 06/11/94

REDFOOT
The job got thrown to me by this lawyer.

KEATON
Who is he?

REDFOOT
Some Limey. He's a middle-man for
somebody. He doesn't say and I don't ask.
81.

KEATON
We want to meet him.

REDFOOT
He wants to meet you. He called last
night and asked me to set it up. What do
I tell him'

KEATON
Tell him we'll meet.

MCMANUS
If you're lying, Redfoot...

REDFOOT
McManus, you're a real bad-ass, but get
off my tip.

McManus lunges for Redfoot.

The Caddy doors instantly pop open and rifle barrels come
into view from within.

Fenster and Hockney draw guns and aim at the Caddy. Keaton
and Verbal grab McManus and hold him back. Redfoot gets on
his Harley, smiling defiantly.

REDFOOT
Real shame about Saul getting whacked.
Lot's of cops looking for the guys that
did it. I'm sure they'll get around to
asking me.

He starts his bike.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MCMANUS
Fuck you.

Redfoot drives off..The Caddy waits until he is completely
out of sight before following.
82.

61 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE - DAY - PRESENT 61

KUJAN
So this lawyer...

VERBAL
Kobayashi.

KUJAN
Came from Redfoot.

VERBAL
Right.

KUJAN
And why leave this out when you talked to
the D.A.?

A KNOCK AT THE DOOR

Rabin sticks his head in.

RABIN
Someone to see you, Agent Kujan.

Kujan steps out into the hall, shutting the door behind him.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Keaton and his crew discover a case containing cash and white powder, confronting Redfoot about its contents. Despite agreeing to meet with the lawyer who arranged the job, tensions escalate when McManus threatens Redfoot, resulting in a tense standoff with guns drawn.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Unexpected twists
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a major conflict, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a deal gone wrong and the introduction of a mysterious lawyer adds depth to the plot and raises the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens as the characters face unexpected challenges and betrayals, leading to a turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on criminal underworld dynamics, with complex characters and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' motivations and actions drive the scene forward, showcasing their conflicting personalities and goals.

Character Changes: 6

The characters' relationships and dynamics shift as they face unexpected challenges, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert control and authority over the situation, reflecting his need for power and dominance in the criminal underworld.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront Redfoot and find out more about the mysterious lawyer behind the illegal dealings, reflecting the immediate challenge of navigating the criminal network.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters and Redfoot raises the stakes and intensifies the suspense, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and escalating conflict between the characters, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the deal and the characters' conflicting interests raise the tension and create a sense of urgency in the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new obstacles and conflicts, pushing the characters towards a critical turning point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and decisions made by the characters, leading to a sense of suspense and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing approaches to handling the situation - with McManus opting for violence and Keaton choosing a more strategic approach. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about loyalty and betrayal in the criminal world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and anticipation, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' intentions and escalating the tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, tense interactions, and unpredictable twists that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation that leaves the audience wanting more.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the action and dialogue in a screenplay format.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with escalating tension and conflict leading to a cliffhanger moment.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual of everyone looking into the case filled with cash and white powder, setting a tense and suspenseful mood.
  • The dialogue between Keaton and McManus adds to the tension and conflict within the group, especially with McManus wanting to kill Redfoot.
  • The introduction of Redfoot and his explanation about the job adds intrigue and raises questions about the mysterious lawyer, Kobayashi.
  • The escalation of tension with McManus lunging for Redfoot and the reveal of rifle barrels in the Caddy creates a sense of imminent danger and conflict.
  • The scene ends with a cliffhanger as Redfoot drives off, leaving the reader curious about the outcome of the confrontation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions from the characters to deepen the tension and conflict within the group.
  • Provide more context or hints about the lawyer, Kobayashi, to build anticipation and intrigue for future scenes.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters further, especially the power struggle between Keaton and McManus, to add depth to their interactions.
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting of the scene, creating a more immersive experience for the reader.
  • End the scene with a stronger resolution or cliffhanger to leave the reader wanting to know what happens next.



Scene 21 -  Unexpected Revelations
62 INT. OUTSIDE RABIN'S OFFICE 62

Kujan smiles instantly, recognizing the man standing with
Rabin.

KUJAN
Jack. What are you doing here?

BAER
I've been looking all over for you. You
still after the coke that walked out of
that blood bath in the harbor?

KUJAN
Yeah.
83.

BAER
You can stop looking. There was no coke.
I've been in L.A. county with a guy they

PINK 06/07/94

BAER
pulled out of a drainpipe in San Pedro
yesterday after the shoot-out. He came to
this morning and started talking. He was
part of a Hungarian mob there to do a
deal with a bunch of goats from
Argentina. He says it was definitely not
a dope deal.

KUJAN
There was ninety-one million -

BAER
We know, but our man says no way on the
dope. This Hungarian tells me the whole
bunch was pulling stumps for Turkey the
next' day. They had no time to negotiate
that kind of product and no means to move
it.

KUJAN
What was the money for?

BAER
He didn't know. No one doing the deal
knew except a few key people. This guy
says they were real hush about it.
Whatever it was it was highly sensitive.

KUJAN
I don't get it.

BAER
They tell me you got the cripple from New
York in there. He mention Keyser Soze?
84.

KUJAN
Who?

BAER
Bear with me here...

63 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE - LATER 63

BOOM - The door bursts open.

KUJAN
Who is Keyser Soze?

Verbal looks up in shock. He drops his cigarette and trembles
at the mere mention of the name.

YELLOW 06/11/94

VERBAL
Ahhh fuck.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Detective Kujan encounters Baer outside Rabin's office. Baer reveals that the cocaine involved in the harbor shootout was a decoy, and the money was intended for an unknown, sensitive purpose. Kujan shocks Verbal by mentioning Keyser Soze, leaving him visibly shaken.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Revealing a major plot twist
  • Building suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be slightly repetitive or expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and introduces a major plot development that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing a legendary and enigmatic character like Keyser Soze adds depth and complexity to the story, elevating the intrigue and suspense.

Plot: 8

The plot takes a significant turn with the revelation of Keyser Soze, setting up new conflicts and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a complex web of criminal activities and mysterious figures, offering a fresh take on the crime genre. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the sense of intrigue and danger.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the mention of Keyser Soze reveal their fears and uncertainties, adding layers to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

The mention of Keyser Soze triggers a shift in the characters' attitudes and behaviors, hinting at potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious events and connections that have been unfolding. This reflects their deeper desire for justice and closure, as well as their fear of the unknown and the dangerous forces at play.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to solve the case of the missing cocaine and unravel the complex web of criminal activities surrounding it. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in their investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict escalates with the revelation of Keyser Soze, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The mention of Keyser Soze introduces a strong opposition that challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values. The mysterious figure adds a layer of danger and intrigue to the narrative, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 9

The revelation of Keyser Soze raises the stakes for the characters, putting them in a more dangerous and uncertain situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot by introducing Keyser Soze and changing the direction of the investigation, propelling the story forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twists and revelations that challenge the audience's expectations and assumptions. The mention of Keyser Soze adds a layer of mystery and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the nature of truth and deception, as well as the moral ambiguity of the criminal underworld. The mention of Keyser Soze introduces a mysterious and powerful figure whose actions challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and intrigue, eliciting strong emotional responses from the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, especially during the revelation of Keyser Soze, conveying the characters' emotions and building suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, cryptic references, and dramatic revelations. The tension and mystery keep the audience hooked and eager to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic revelation that leaves the audience eager for more. The rhythm of the dialogue and the structure of the scene enhance its effectiveness in conveying the mystery and intrigue of the narrative.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller, with a buildup of tension and suspense leading to a dramatic revelation. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the mystery and intrigue of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
  • The dialogue between Kujan and Baer feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the conversation.
  • The revelation about the missing cocaine and the new information about the Hungarian mobster's involvement in a non-drug deal feels rushed and not fully developed.
  • Verbal's reaction to the mention of Keyser Soze is too exaggerated and melodramatic, lacking subtlety and nuance.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and fails to create a vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to create a more cohesive flow in the screenplay.
  • Work on developing the dialogue between Kujan and Baer to make it more engaging and realistic, adding depth to their interaction.
  • Expand on the revelation about the missing cocaine and the Hungarian mobster's involvement to provide more context and build suspense in the scene.
  • Tone down Verbal's reaction to the mention of Keyser Soze to make it more subtle and believable, adding layers to his character.
  • Include more visual descriptions to set the scene and create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 22 -  Kobayashi's Revelation
64 INT. HOLLYWOOD ATHLETIC CLUB - DAY - TWO WEEKS PRIOR 64

Keaton stands while the rest sit and listen.

KEATON
So I need to know if anyone can think of
anybody. Somebody with power. Enough to
possibly track us from New York.

MCMANUS
Look. We've been over it for an hour now.
I say we pack up and run. Let's go back
to New York. At least get out of L.A.

SUDDENLY, The sound of a man clearing his throat. Everyone
turns to the door behind them. MR. KOBAYASHI a tall, slim,
well groomed man stands in the hall. He has a briefcase in
his hand. He smiles politely.

KOBAYASHI
Mr. Keaton?
85.

Keaton stands back and lets him in. Kobayashi looks them
over.

KOBAYASHI
I am Mr. Kobayashi. I've been asked by my
employer to bring a proposal to you
gentlemen. That must be Mr. Hockney. I
recognize Mr. Fenster from his mug shot,
as well as Mr. McManus.
(to Verbal)
I can only assume that you are Mr. Kint.
I believe you were the one who disposed
of Saul. My employer sends his gratitude.
A most unexpected benefit.

Everyone looks at one another in shock that he would know
this.

KEATON
What can we do for you?

BLUE 06/01/94

KOBAYASHI
My employer requires your services. One
job. One day's work. Very dangerous. I
don't expect all of you to live, but
those who do will have ninety-one million
dollars to divide any way they see fit.

KEATON
Who's your boss?

KOBAYASHI
My employer wishes to remain anonymous.

KEATON
Don't jerk me off. We all know what this
is. You don't work with me if I work with
you without knowing who I'm working for.
Now let's cut the shit. Who's the man?
86.

KOBAYASHI
I work for Keyser Sate.

A strange look crosses Keaton's face. Skepticism, mockery and
just a hint of fear. Hockney, McManus and Fenster all share
similar looks.

KEATON
What is this?

VERBAL
Who's Keyser Soze?

KOBAYASHI
I am sure you've heard a number of tall
tales, myths and legends about Mr. Soze I
can assure you gentlemen, most of them
are true.

VERBAL
Who's Keyser Soze?

KOBAYASHI
Judging by the sudden change in mood, I
am sure the rest of your associates can
tell you, Mr. Kint. I have come with an
offer directly from Mr. Soze. An order
actually.

KEATON
An order.

BLUE 06/01/94

KOBAYASHI
In nineteen-eighty one, Mr. Keaton, you
participated in the hijacking of a truck
in Buffalo, New York. The cargo was raw
steel. Steel that belonged to Mr. Soze
and was destined for Pakistan to be used
in a Nuclear reactor. A very profitable
violation of U.N. Regulations.
87.
You had no way of knowing this, because
the man shipping the steel was working
for Mr. Sate without his knowledge.
(beat)
Mr. Fenster and Mr. McManus hijacked a
twin-prop cargo flight earlier this year
out of Newark airport. The plane was
carrying platinum and gold wiring. Also
set for Pakistan.

Kobayashi turns and points at Hockney.

KOBAYASHI
Two months ago, Mr. Hockney stole a truck
carrying gun parts through Queens -

Everyone looks at Hockney. He smiles shyly. It occurs to them
all that he robbed the truck for which they were all arrested
in the first place.

KOBAYASHI
- guns allegedly set to be destroyed by
the state of New York. They were to be
"lost" in a weigh station and routed to
Belfast. Again, Mr. Sate using pawns who
had no knowledge.
(turning to Verbal)
Which brings us to Mr. Kint.

Verbal crumbles under his stare.

KOBAYASHI
Nine months ago, one of Mr. Soze less
than intelligent couriers was taken in a
complicated confidence seam by a cripple.
He was relieved of sixty-two thousand
dollars. Now
(to all of them)
- It has taken us some time to find you.
Our intention was to approach you after
your apprehension in New York.
88.

BLUE 06/01/94

KEATON
You set up the line-up.

KOBAYASHI
Mr. Soze made a few calls, yes. You were
not to be released until I came to see
you. It seems Mr. Keaton's attorney, Ms.
Finneran, was a bit too effective in
expediting his release. Holding the rest
of you became a moot point.

KEATON
What about Redfoot?

KOBAYASHI
Mr. Redfoot knew nothing. Mr. Soze rarely
t works with the same people for very
long, and they never know who they're
working for. One cannot be betrayed if
one has no people.

FENSTER
So why tell us?

KOBAYASHI
Because you have stolen from Mr. Soze.
That you did not know you stole from him
is the only reason you are still alive,
but he feels you owe him. You will repay
your debt.

HOCKNEY
Who is this guy? How do we know you work
for Soze

KOBAYASHI
I don't think that is relevant, Mr.
Hockney. The five of you are responsible
for the murder of Saul Berg and his
bodyguards.
89.
Mr. Redfoot can attest to your
involvement, and we can see to it that he
will. He is not of your "superior" breed.

MCMANUS
This is a load of shit.

KOBAYASHI
The offer is this, gentlemen. Mr. Soze's
primary interest, as I am sure you all
know, is narcotics. He's been - competing
shall we say, with a group of

YELLOW 06/11/94

KOBAYASHI
Argentinians for several years. Competing
with Mr. Soze has taken its toll. These
Argentinians are negotiating the sale of
ninety-one million dollars in cocaine in
three days time. Needless to say, this
purchase will revitalize the diminishing
strength of their organization. Mr. Soze
wants you to stop the deal. If you
choose, you may wait until the buy.
Whatever money changes hands is yours.
The transaction will take place on a boat
in San Pedro. Mr. Soze wants you to get
to the boat and destroy the cocaine on
board. Then you are free of your
obligation to Mr. Soze.

KEATON
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't
kill you right now.

Kobayashi smiles and puts his briefcase on the table in front
of him.

KOBAYASHI
A gift from Mr. Soze gentlemen.

He turns and walks out of the room.
90.

Keaton walks over to the case and opens it. He reaches in and
pulls out five thick manila envelopes, each marked in bold
black letters. "KEATON", "McMANUS", "HOCKNEY", "FENSTER" and
"KINT"

Keaton pulls out the files, revealing a map underneath.

Keaton hands each man his file. He opens his first. He pulls
out a thick stack of papers and thumbs through them.

KEATON
Jesus Christ. Open them.

All of the men open their files. Inside are mug shots of each
man in his respective file as well as a printout of his
criminal record. But there is more.

HOCKNEY
They know everything.

MCMANUS
This is my life in here. Everything I've
done since I was eighteen.

BLUE 06/01/94

FENSTER
Everybody I ever worked with, did time
with.

HOCKNEY
They fucking know everything.

Keaton pulls out a large black and white photograph of
himself and his lawyer EDIE FINNERAN. They are laughing arm
in arm by a fountain in New York. He hides the photo from the
others.

KEATON
This is not right.
91.

FENSTER
I don't know. Who was that guy that used
to talk about Soze in New York?

MCMANUS
Bricks Marlin.

FENSTER
Yeah. He said he did jobs for him.
Indirect stuff. Always five times more
money than the job was worth.

KEATON
Come on. The guy is a pipe dream. This
Kobayashi is using him for window
dressing.

FENSTER
I don't know. This is bad.

HOCKNEY
It's bullshit. This guy could be L.A.P.D.
I think it's a setup.

FENSTER
The way I hear it, Soze is some kind of
butcher. No pity.

KEATON
There' is no Keyser Soze.

Verbal thumbs through his file. A long list of names,
numbers, addresses. It is a detailed portfolio of his entire
criminal and personal life. He looks up at Keaton.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL
Who is Keyser Soze
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Keaton's team confronts the possibility of being tracked by a powerful individual. Mr. Kobayashi, representing Keyser Soze, reveals the team's criminal history and proposes a dangerous job to settle their debt. The team grapples with skepticism and fear as they consider Soze's reputation and the extensive documentation of their past actions. Verbal's reaction to the information suggests a deeper connection to Soze.
Strengths
  • High stakes
  • Intriguing concept
  • Tense dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some characters' reactions could be more developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, mystery, and high stakes. It introduces a pivotal plot point and raises the stakes for the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing a powerful and enigmatic antagonist like Keyser Soze, who manipulates the main characters into a dangerous job, is intriguing and sets up a complex conflict.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate and suspenseful, with the introduction of Keyser Soze and the revelation of the characters' criminal pasts driving the narrative forward and raising the stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the crime thriller genre, blending elements of mystery, suspense, and moral ambiguity. The revelation of Keyser Soze as a powerful and enigmatic figure adds a unique twist to the narrative, keeping the audience guessing and engaged.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the offer from Keyser Soze reveal their personalities and motivations, adding depth to the scene. The dynamic between the characters is tense and intriguing.

Character Changes: 7

The characters' reactions to the offer from Keyser Soze hint at potential changes in their motivations and relationships, setting up character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Keaton's internal goal is to protect himself and his associates from the dangerous situation they find themselves in. He is also trying to maintain control and authority in the face of uncertainty and fear.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the dangerous offer presented by Mr. Kobayashi and Keyser Soze. They must decide whether to accept the job and the risks involved, or find a way to escape the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing a dangerous offer from Keyser Soze and the revelation of their criminal pasts adding tension and complexity to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters are faced with a dangerous and morally ambiguous offer from Mr. Kobayashi and Keyser Soze. They must navigate conflicting loyalties and the threat of violence, creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the characters facing a dangerous job, the revelation of their criminal pasts, and the mysterious and powerful figure of Keyser Soze.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing Keyser Soze, setting up a dangerous job for the characters, and revealing crucial information about their pasts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of Mr. Kobayashi and the revelation of Keyser Soze as a mysterious and powerful figure. The unexpected turn of events keeps the audience on edge and eager to see how the characters will react.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' moral choices and the consequences of their criminal actions. They must grapple with the idea of owing a debt to a dangerous criminal figure and the ethical implications of their past crimes.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes tension, suspense, and intrigue, but the emotional impact is more focused on the high stakes and the characters' reactions to the offer.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals important information about the characters and the plot. It effectively conveys the tension and high stakes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the characters' moral dilemmas and the dangerous situation they find themselves in, creating a sense of urgency and tension.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to the dramatic reveal of Keyser Soze's involvement. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is formatted in a clear and concise manner, following industry standards for screenplay formatting. The dialogue is properly formatted, and the scene descriptions are detailed and evocative, enhancing the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced and structured format, building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions and the gradual reveal of information. The dialogue and action flow smoothly, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Critique
  • The scene introduces Mr. Kobayashi, a representative of Keyser Soze, who presents the group with a dangerous job offer. The dialogue is tense and reveals the extent of the group's criminal activities that have unknowingly involved Soze.
  • The revelation of detailed criminal records and personal information in the files adds a layer of tension and fear among the group members.
  • Keaton's skepticism about Keyser Soze and his belief that it's a setup creates an interesting dynamic and conflict within the group.
  • The scene effectively builds suspense and sets up the high stakes involved in the job offer from Soze.
  • Verbal's reaction to the mention of Keyser Soze adds to the mystery and intrigue surrounding the character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements to enhance the tension and suspense in the scene, such as close-ups of the characters' reactions or the briefcase containing the files.
  • Explore the dynamics between the group members further, especially their conflicting reactions to the job offer and their knowledge of Keyser Soze.
  • Provide more context or backstory on Keyser Soze to deepen the mystery and build anticipation for his character.
  • Consider adding subtle hints or foreshadowing elements that hint at the true nature of Keyser Soze and his influence over the group.
  • Work on tightening the dialogue to maintain the tension and keep the audience engaged throughout the scene.



Scene 23 -  Keyser Soze's Tragic Past
65 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE - DAY - PRESENT 65

Kujan leans into Verbal's face. He hangs on his every word.
92.

VERBAL
He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say
his father was German. Nobody believed he
was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew
anybody that ever worked directly for
him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it,
anybody could have worked for Soze. You
never knew. That was his power. The
greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was
convincing the world he didn't exist. One
story the guys told me - the story I
believe - was from his days in Turkey.
There was a petty gang of Hungarians that
wanted their own mob. They realized that
to be in power you didn't need guns or
money or even numbers. You just needed
the will to do what the other guy
wouldn't. After a while they come to
power, and then they come after Soze He
was small time then, just running dope,
they say...

66 SCENE DELETED 66

67 INT. SOZE'S HOME - DAY 67

Three of the Hungarians come bursting into Keyser Soze's
+ home. They grab his five children and round them up in the
front room. One of the men grabs his wife and back-hands her
across the face.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
They come to his home in the afternoon
looking for his business. They find his
wife and kids in the house and decide to
wait for Sate.

68 INT. SOZE'S HOME - LATER 68

The front door opens and in walks Keyser Sate. We are never
allowed to see his face.
93.
Sate's wife lies in the corner, beaten and bruised. Her dress
is tattered to shreds. She cannot look up at her husband.

The three Hungarians stand to greet him. Two hold guns in
their hands. The third holds a straight razor. He grabs Soze
youngest boy and holds the razor to his throat.

VERBAL (V.O.)
He comes home to his wife raped and his
children screaming. The Hungarians knew
Soze was tough. Not to be trifled with.
So they let him know they meant business.

The Hungarian smiles. Soze's wife SCREAMS IN HORROR. The
Hungarian holds up a BLOOD SOAKED RAZOR. SUDDENLY, he grabs
another child. A little girl no older than six.

VERBAL (V.O.)
They tell Soze they want his territory -
all his business. Soze looks over the
faces of his family... Then he showed
these men of will what will really was.

SUDDENLY, Soze pulls out a pistol and shoots the two men with
guns. He turns and aims at the third man holding his child.

The man threatens to cut the child's throat, slicing just
enough to draw blood.

SOZE FIRES.

The stunned Hungarian watches the child fall from his arms.
Sate turns the pistol on the next child, then the next and
the next. He kills his children one by one in front of the
Hungarian.

PINK 06/07/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
He tells him he would rather' see his
family dead than live another day after
this.
94.

SOZE walks over to his wife, crying and beaten on the floor
and holds up her head. She gives him the strangest look. One
of trust perhaps, saturated with fear and humiliation.

He puts the gun between her eyes and fires.

VERBAL (V.O.)
He lets the last Hungarian go, and he
goes running. He waits until his wife and
kids are in the ground and he goes after
the rest of the mob. He kills their kids,
he kills their wives, he kills their
parents and their parents' friends.

A dark and looming figure of a man walks in front of a wall
of fire - a black shadow blurred by waves of heat.

VERBAL (V.O.)
He burns down the houses they live in and
the stores they work in, he kills people
that owe them money. And like that he was
gone. Underground. No one has ever seen
him again. He becomes a myth, a spook
story that criminals tell their kids at
night. If you rat on your pop, Keyser
Sate will get you. And nobody really ever
believes.

69 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE - DAY 69

KUJAN
Do you believe in him, Verbal?

VERBAL
Keaton always said: "I don't believe in
God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I
believe in God, and the only thing that
scares me is Keyser SOZE.

70 INT. WORKSHOP 70

Jack Baer and Rabin listen to Verbal on the speaker with one
ear.
95.

RABIN
You give this any weight, Agent Baer?

PINK 06/07/94

BAER
I can introduce you to Dan Metzheiser
from Justice. He has a file on Sate in
D.C. It's been a hobby of his for a few
years. A lot of guys equate him to that
reporter on the Incredible Hulk.

RABIN
Had you heard of him before?

BAER
On the street? A few times. Outside
stuff. Somebody was working for a guy who
was working for a guy who got money
through Keyser Soze. That kind of shit.
Could be an old badge. A hex sign to keep
people from fucking with you back when a
name meant something.

RAB IN
But you're here.

BAER
Shit yeah. I got a guy trying to walk out
of the hospital on d fried drumstick to
get away from SOZE. I'11 run it up the
flagpole.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a haunting flashback, Keyser Soze relives the nightmare of his family being held hostage by Hungarian gangsters. Determined to protect them, Soze makes a heartbreaking sacrifice, leading to a tragic and unforgiving outcome.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Revealing backstory of Keyser Soze
  • Building tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Disturbing content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, providing crucial insight into the main antagonist, Keyser Soze, and setting up the tension and stakes for the final act of the film.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Keyser Soze as a legendary and feared figure in the criminal underworld is effectively portrayed through the chilling story of his brutal retribution against those who crossed him.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly by revealing the backstory of Keyser Soze, adding depth and complexity to the narrative as the characters' motivations and actions are influenced by the fear of Soze.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of power and fear, with a unique portrayal of a criminal's influence and the consequences of crossing him. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are deeply impacted by the revelation of Soze's history, leading to shifts in their behavior and decisions as they grapple with the implications of facing such a formidable adversary.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo a significant shift in their perception of Keyser Soze, leading to a reevaluation of their actions and decisions as they come to terms with the terrifying reality of facing such a formidable foe.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convey the fear and power associated with Keyser Soze. This reflects his deeper fear of the unknown and the consequences of crossing dangerous individuals.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Kujan of the existence and power of Keyser Soze. This reflects the immediate challenge of proving a dangerous criminal's influence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotional, as the brutal actions of Keyser Soze create a sense of dread and foreboding among the characters, heightening the stakes of the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing the challenge of convincing others of Keyser Soze's power and the consequences of crossing him.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, as the revelation of Keyser Soze's brutal nature and legendary status raises the tension and fear among the characters, setting the stage for a climactic showdown.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information about Keyser Soze's past, setting up the climax of the film and driving the characters towards a confrontation with the enigmatic antagonist.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the shocking revelations about Keyser Soze.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the idea of power and fear, as well as the consequences of crossing dangerous individuals. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, shock, and tension through the harrowing tale of Keyser Soze's brutal retribution, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the chilling nature of Soze's legend and the fear he instills in those who know of him, adding to the suspense and tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the high stakes and dramatic events that unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, as well as allowing for dramatic moments to unfold.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene depicts a brutal and tragic flashback involving Keyser Soze's family being held hostage by Hungarian gangsters, resulting in a horrifying outcome.
  • The violence and brutality portrayed in the scene may be too graphic and intense for some audiences, potentially overshadowing the storytelling.
  • The scene relies heavily on verbal narration to describe the events, which may limit the visual impact and emotional connection with the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by balancing the narration with more visual storytelling and character interactions.
  • The lack of facial reveal for Keyser Soze adds to the mystery but may also hinder the audience's ability to fully connect with the character and his actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down the graphic violence and focusing more on the emotional impact of the events to create a deeper connection with the audience.
  • Introduce more visual elements and character interactions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience on a deeper level.
  • Explore different ways to reveal Keyser Soze's character, such as subtle hints or symbolic imagery, to maintain the mystery while allowing for a stronger emotional impact.
  • Work on balancing the narration with visual storytelling to create a more dynamic and engaging scene that captures the audience's attention.
  • Consider incorporating elements of suspense and tension to build up to the tragic outcome, creating a more impactful and memorable scene.



Scene 24 -  Unveiling Truths and Sketching Suspicions
71 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 71

VERBAL
I came clean. I told it like it happened
on the boat. So what if I left out how I
got there? It's got so many holes in it,
the D.A. would've told me to blow amnesty
out my ass. So you got what you wanted
out of me. Big fucking deal.
96.

KUJAN
And this is why you never told the D.A.

VERBAL
You tell me, Agent Kujan. If I told you
the Loch Ness Monster hired me to hit the
harbor, what would you say?

KUJAN
Turn state's evidence. Take the stand on
this and we'll hear it out.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL
I've got immunity now. What can you
possibly offer me?

KUJAN
If there is a Keyser Soze he'll be
looking for you.

VERBAL
Where's your head, Agent Kujan? Where do
you think the pressure's coming from?
Keyser Soze - or whatever you want to
call him - knows where I am right now.
He's got the front burner under' your ass
to let me go so he can scoop me up ten
minutes later. Immunity was just to deal
with you assholes. I got a whole new
problem when I post bail.

KUJAN
So why play into his hands? We can
protect you.

VERBAL
Gee, thanks, Dave. Bang-up job so far.
Extortion, coercion. You'll pardon me if
I ask you to kiss my pucker.
97.
The same fuckers that rounded us up and
sank us into this mess are telling me
They'll bail me out? Fuck you. You think
you can catch Keyser Soze? You think a
guy like that comes this close to getting
fingered and sticks his head out? If he
comes up for anything, it will be to get
rid of me.
(beat)
After that, my guess is you'll never hear
from him again.

72 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY 72

Doctor Plumber watches from out in the hall.
Kovash spits out a constant river of Hungarian while Bodi
tries to keep up, relaying everything to Tracy Fitzgerald.

She sketches frantically while Daniel Metzheiser looks on.

The composite sketch of Keyser SOZE is taking form.

BLUE 06/01/94

(<< >> Denotes liners spoken in Hungarian.)

BODI
<<What sort of nose did he have?>>

KOVASH
<<It was smaller than that. Sharper.>>

BODI
(To Tracy)
The nose is sharper. Smaller too.
(to Arkosh in Hung.)
<<And what about the hair? You said
something earlier about it.>>

KOVASH
<<It is longer than that. And not so
dark. >>
98.

BODI
<<Are you sure?>>

KOVASH
<<Don't be stupid.>>

BODI
(to Tracy)
He says the hair is longer and lighter.

PINK 06/07/94

73 EXT. BEACH - DAY 73

Waves pound across a stone jetty. A MAN sits fishing while
his young son, BRANDO strolls toward the open sea.

He pokes at rocks and seaweed with a fishing pole. He glances
down at Something wedged between the rocks beneath his feet.
He pokes at it. He notes the checkered pattern of the fabric
entwined with the twisted mess. It is the bloated carcass of
THE MAN IN THE CHECKERED BATHROBE. BRANDO pokes it's eye with
the fishing pole. It pops.

74 SCENE DELETED/DIALOGUE MOVED 74

PINK 06/07/94

75 INT RABIN'S OFFICE 75

VERBAL
That was how I ended up in a barber shop
quartet in Skokie, Illinois.

KUJAN
This is totally irrelevant.

VERBAL
Oh, but it's not. If I hadn't been nailed
in Illinois for running a three card
monte in between sets, I never would have
took off for New York.
99.
I never would have met Keaton, see. That
barber shop quartet was the reason for
everything.

KUJAN
Can we just get back to Kobayashi?

VERBAL
The quartet is part of the bit about
Kobayashi. The quartet was in my file,
along with every other thing I had done
since high school, see? Aliases, middle-
men. They knew me better than I did. They
knew all of us.

Kujan looks at his watch.

KUJAN
You're stalling, Verbal.

VERBAL
Give a guy a break, huh?

KUJAN
What happened?

Verbal slumps a bit. He realizes his stalling tactic has
failed.

VERBAL
We woke up the next morning and Fenster
was gone. He couldn't handle the idea of
slumming for SOZE. He left a note wishing
us good luck and took a chunk of the
money we'd scraped together.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

KUJAN
Then what?
100.

VERBAL
McManus was furious. He was talking about
tracking him down and ripping his heart
out and all sorts of shit. That night we
got the call.

KUJAN
What call?

VERBAL
Kobayashi told us where we could find
Fenster.
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Verbal Kint narrates his involvement with Keyser Soze to Agent Kujan, while in the hospital, Kovash assists in creating a composite sketch of Soze. On a distant shore, the body of The Man in the Checkered Bathrobe is found, leaving a trail of mystery in its wake.
Strengths
  • Reveals crucial information
  • Builds tension
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some stalling in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and reveals important plot points that drive the story forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the characters' past, their connection to Keyser Soze, and the escalating conflict, is well-executed and keeps the audience intrigued.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with key revelations about the characters and their motivations, setting up the climax of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a criminal underworld and the complex dynamics between the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Verbal's defiance and the mystery surrounding Keyser Soze adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Verbal's demeanor changes as he realizes the gravity of the situation, showing a shift in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal is to protect himself and navigate the dangerous situation he's in. He is trying to outsmart the authorities and the criminal mastermind Keyser Soze.

External Goal: 7

Verbal's external goal is to avoid being caught by the authorities and to stay alive in the face of threats from Keyser Soze.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters, especially Verbal and Kujan, is intense and drives the scene forward, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and hidden agendas creating tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the characters facing threats from Keyser Soze and the tension escalating as the truth is revealed.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters and their connection to Keyser Soze.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the characters' hidden agendas, keeping the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between truth and deception. Verbal is trying to manipulate the truth to protect himself, while Kujan is trying to uncover the truth and bring justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension, anxiety, and intrigue, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and complex character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and suspense effectively to keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the readability and impact of the dialogue and action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Verbal and Kujan is engaging and reveals important information about Verbal's past and his connection to Keyser Soze.
  • Verbal's stalling tactic with the barber shop quartet story feels slightly forced and could be streamlined to maintain the tension of the scene.
  • The transition from discussing the quartet to Fenster leaving and the subsequent call from Kobayashi could be smoother to enhance the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Verbal's dialogue about the barber shop quartet to keep the focus on the main plot points.
  • Ensure a seamless transition between Verbal's storytelling and the events with Fenster leaving and the call from Kobayashi to maintain the scene's momentum.
  • Explore ways to heighten the tension and suspense in the scene to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.



Scene 25 -  Deserted Beach Burial
76 EXT. BEACH - NIGHT - TWO WEEKS PRIOR 76

Keaton looks out over the ocean and smokes a cigarette.

KEATON
What do you want to do with him?

McManus kneels in the sand. Hockney and Verbal stand behind
him, staring at something in front of them.

It is the body of Fred Fenster, literally peppered with
bullet holes. McManus stares at him, fighting any flicker of
emotion.

MCMAMJS
I worked five years with Fenster. More
jobs, more money than I can count.

KEATON
I'm sorry, McManus.

MCMANUS
I want to bury him.

KEATON
No time.

McManus springs to his feet and points a pistol at Keaton.
Keaton turns to face him and raises his head. McManus might
as well be pointing a feather-duster.
101.

MCMANUS
YOU WILL FIND TIME. You're not the only
one with debts, man.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
No shovel.

MCMANUS
WITH OUR HANDS.

77 MT. BEACH 77

Everyone digs in the sand on the deserted beach with their
hands. They are up to their waists in the hole they have
scooped out. Fenster's body is a few feet away.

HOCKNEY
This is nuts.

MCMANUS
Dig.

HOCKNEY
This is fucking dry sand, man. When he
rots, the surfers'll smell him from a
hundred yards out.

MCMANUS
DIG, YOU FUCKER.

Hockney can see that McManus has truly gone over the edge for
now. Keaton gives him a look that says don't argue.

HOCKNEY
Keaton, we gotta go. They're gonna find
him.

KEATON
Dig.

VERBAL
What are we gonna do?
102.

HOCKNEY
I can run. I got no problem with that.

KEATON
They don't seem to have a problem with it
either.

MCMANUS
Nobody runs.

HOCKNEY
This ain't my boy we're burying. I don't
owe anybody.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

MCMANUS
We got a deal here.

HOCKNEY
Since when?

MCMANUS
Since tonight.

HOCKNEY
Fuck that.

MCMANIJS
It's payback.

KEATON
IT'S NOT PAYBACK. I don't answer to you.
It's precaution. You want payback? You
want to run? I don't care. I'm going to
finish this thing. Not for Fenster, not
for anybody else, but for me. This
Kobayashi cocksucker isn't going to stand
over me.
(beat)
All of you can go to hell.
103.

Keaton turns and digs furiously with both hands. Hockney
takes a moment and slowly starts to do the same.

The four men dig for Fenster. The first to find some rest.

78 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE - DAY - PRESENT 78

Verbal smokes with his good hand shaking badly.

KUJAN
And after they killed Fenster nobody
would run?

VERBAL
I wanted to. I thought we could make it.

KUJAN
Why didn't you say anything?

VERBAL
I tried, believe me, but Keaton wouldn't
have it. It was too far-fetched for him.
Keaton was a grounded guy. An ex-cop. To
a cop, the explanation is never that
complicated. It's always simple. There's

PINK 06/07/94

VERBAL
no mystery on the street, no arch-
criminal behind it all. If you got a dead
guy and you think his brother did it,
you're going to find out you're right.
Nobody argued with Keaton. They just set
their minds on whacking Kobayashi.

79 EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT - TWO WEEKS PRIOR 79

Redfoot's Harley rests on the roof of the Caddy in a mangled
heap. The body of the Caddy is riddled with bullet holes.
104.

Redfoot's dead body has been shoved head-first through a hole
in the windshield up to his waist, recognizable only by the
trademark red boot.

80 INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY 80

Kobayashi walks through the front door of a plush office
tower followed by two bodyguards. He heads toward the
elevator, failing to notice Hockney a few feet away, reading
a newspaper.

We see a wire running from Hockney's ear to his collar.

HOCKNEY
He's coming up.

81 INT. HALLWAY - FORTIETH FLOOR 81

Keaton, McManus and Verbal stand by the six elevators on the
fortieth floor. They are all wearing khaki overalls and tool
belts with walkie-talkies. They look like servicemen.

All of the elevators have been propped open and stranded.

McManus moves into one of the elevators. As the doors close
i behind him, he scrambles for the ceiling hatch.

82 SCENE DELETED 82

PINK 06/07/94

83 SCENE DELETED 83

84 SCENE DELETED 84

85 SCENE DELETED 85
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary On a deserted beach, Keaton, Hockney, Verbal, and McManus confront Fenster's murdered body. McManus insists on a burial, but Keaton refuses due to time constraints. Amidst tensions, they reluctantly dig a shallow grave to prevent Kobayashi's control. Hockney hesitates, but McManus asserts their deal. Keaton declares his indifference and prioritizes finishing the job, commanding them to continue digging.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • High stakes
  • Tension
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' actions and decisions, setting up high stakes and tension for the upcoming events. The dialogue is impactful and reveals important character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of burying Fenster's body after a violent incident adds depth to the characters and explores themes of loyalty and revenge. It sets the stage for further developments in the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the characters deal with the aftermath of Fenster's death, showcasing their conflicting emotions and motivations. The scene sets up future conflicts and reveals important character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of loyalty and betrayal within a criminal context, with characters grappling with moral decisions and conflicting priorities. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotions and relationships are central to the scene, driving the plot forward and adding depth to the story. Their conflicting motivations and loyalty to each other create tension and drama.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes as they deal with the aftermath of Fenster's death. Their loyalty, motivations, and relationships evolve, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

McManus's internal goal is to honor his fallen comrade, Fred Fenster, by giving him a proper burial. This reflects his loyalty and sense of duty to his friend, as well as his need for closure and respect.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to dispose of Fenster's body without drawing attention to themselves. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in avoiding detection and potential consequences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as the characters deal with the aftermath of a violent event and face internal and external challenges. Tensions run high as they confront their emotions and motivations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and motivations. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face the consequences of a violent event and must make difficult decisions. Loyalty, revenge, and survival are at the forefront, adding tension and drama to the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important character dynamics, setting up future conflicts, and advancing the plot. It introduces new challenges and tensions that will impact the characters' decisions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their actions. The tension and suspense are heightened by the unpredictable nature of the characters' decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict between McManus's desire for a proper burial and Keaton's pragmatic approach to the situation. McManus values respect and honor, while Keaton prioritizes efficiency and self-preservation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as the characters grapple with grief, guilt, and loyalty. Their conflicting emotions and decisions resonate with the audience, creating a tense and emotional atmosphere.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and reveals the characters' inner turmoil, motivations, and conflicts. It adds depth to the scene and drives the emotional impact of the characters' actions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and intense character dynamics. The conflict and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome of the characters' actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, building tension and conflict through the characters' actions and dialogue. It effectively sets up the stakes and motivations for the upcoming events in the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with characters digging a hole to bury Fenster without much context or emotional depth.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially in the interactions between the characters.
  • The tension and conflict between the characters are not effectively conveyed, making the scene feel flat and unengaging.
  • The transition between the beach scene and the present-day interrogation is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative.
  • The emotional impact of burying Fenster's body is not fully explored, leaving the scene feeling shallow and disconnected from the larger story.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and emotional depth to the characters' actions and dialogue to make the scene more engaging and impactful.
  • Focus on building tension and conflict between the characters to create a sense of urgency and drama.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to improve the flow and coherence of the narrative, ensuring a smoother transition between past and present events.
  • Explore the emotional consequences of burying Fenster's body to add depth and complexity to the characters' motivations and relationships.
  • Work on developing more authentic and natural dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and relationships.



Scene 26 -  Confrontation on the 40th Floor
86 INT. HALLWAY 86

Keaton and Verbal listen for anything on the radio.

87 SCENE DELETED 87

88 SCENE DELETED 88
105.

PINK 06/07/94

89 INT. LOBBY 89

The elevator opens. Kobayashi and his bodyguards get on the
elevator.

90 INT. ELEVATOR 90

The elevator is empty except for the three men. McManus has
vanished. Kobayashi presses a button and they are on the way.

SUDDENLY, the ceiling hatch opens and McManus' arm comes out.

POP - POP. Two shots from a suppressed pistol and the guards
drop to the floor, DEAD.

Kobayashi looks up with surprising calm into McManus' barrel.

MCMANUS
Press forty.

91 INT. HALLWAY - FORTIETH FLOOR 91

The elevator opens and Kobayashi is greeted by Keaton and
Verbal. McManus drops from the ceiling hatch and pushes him
out.

BLUE 06/01/94

Verbal and McManus grab the dead bodies and drag them out of
the elevator. They drag them to the next elevator which has
been forced open, revealing an empty shaft.

KEATON
The answer is no.

KOBAYASHI
Mr. Soze will be most -

KEATON
Listen to me, cocksucker. There is no
Keyser Sate. If you say his name again,
I'11 kill you right here.
106.

KOBAYASHI
A strange threat. I can only assume
you're here to kill me anyway. Pity about
Mr. Redfoot.

MCMANUS
Fair trade for Fenster.

The elevator opens and Hockney steps out.

KOBAYASHI
Ahh, Mr. Hockney. Do join us.

KEATON
We know you can get to us, and now you
know we can get to you. I'm offering you
the chance to call this off.

KOBAYASHI
Mr. So- My employer has made up his mind.
He does not change it.

KEATON
Neither do we.

MCMANUS
You got Fenster, you may get more, but
you won't get us all. Not before one of
us gets to you.

KOBAYASHI
I believe you, Mr. McManus. I quite
sincerely do. You would not have been
chosen if you were not so capable, but I
cannot make this decision. Whatever you
can threaten me with is... ludicrous in
comparison to what will be done to me if

BLUE 06/01/94

MCMANUS
Just so you know. I'm the guy. I'm the
one that's gonna get through to you.
107.

KOBAYASHI
I am sorry, Mr. McManus.
(to Keaton)
I implore you to believe me, Mr. Keaton.
Mr. Soze is very real and very
determined.

KEATON
We'll see.

McManus holds a pistol to Kobayashi's chin. The lawyer's cool
eyes never falter'.

KOBAYASHI
Before you do me in, you will let me
finish my business with Ms. Finneran
first, won't you?

SUDDENLY, Keaton grabs McManus' hand and pulls the gun away
before he can shoot.

KEATON
What did you say?

KOBAYASHI
Edie Finneran. She is upstairs in my
office for an extradition deposition. I
requested she be put on the case
personally. She flew out yesterday.

Everyone looks at Keaton.

KOBAYASHI
No matter. Kill away, Mr. McManus.

KEATON
You're lying.

KOBAYASHI
Am I?
108.

92 INT. HALLWAY - FIFTIETH FLOOR 92

Everyone follows Kobayashi quietly down a dimly lit, oak-
lined hallway. Verbal holds a small pistol discreetly in the
small of Kobayashi's back.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

They come to a glass office foyer. Kobayashi gestures and
everyone looks through the glass into the lobby beyond.

EDIE FINNERAN is talking casually with the receptionist.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Keaton and Verbal confront Kobayashi as he arrives on the 40th floor with his bodyguards. McManus drops from the ceiling and shoots the guards, forcing Kobayashi to press the button for the 40th floor. McManus pushes Kobayashi out of the elevator, and Keaton offers him a chance to call off the attacks. Kobayashi refuses, and McManus threatens to kill him. Keaton grabs McManus' gun, and Kobayashi mentions that Edie Finneran is upstairs in his office. Everyone follows Kobayashi to the office foyer, where they see Edie talking to the receptionist through the glass.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High stakes
  • Unexpected twists
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes deleted
  • Limited description of setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

This scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, suspense, and unexpected twists. The confrontation between the characters is gripping and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a final showdown with Kobayashi, the representative of Keyser Soze, is a crucial moment in the story. It reveals key information and sets the stage for the climax.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens as new information is revealed, alliances are tested, and the characters face a critical decision. The scene advances the narrative and builds towards the resolution.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic confrontation between protagonist and antagonist, with unexpected twists and turns that keep the audience on edge. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unpredictable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' motivations, conflicts, and relationships are central to the scene. Their actions and decisions drive the tension and drama, making them compelling and complex.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in this scene, from challenging their beliefs to making tough decisions. These changes drive the plot forward and add complexity to the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect their identity and maintain control in a high-stakes situation. This reflects their fear of being exposed and their desire to come out on top.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to confront and intimidate their enemy, Kobayashi, while also protecting their associate, Edie Finneran. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing a powerful adversary and ensuring the safety of their allies.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters, their conflicting goals, and the high stakes create a tense and dramatic atmosphere. The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing off against a powerful adversary and navigating complex moral dilemmas. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing life-threatening situations, moral dilemmas, and the looming presence of Keyser Soze. The outcome of the confrontation will have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting up the climax. It is a pivotal moment in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden violence, unexpected character choices, and shifting power dynamics. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in their own power and control versus Kobayashi's unwavering loyalty to Keyser Söze. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and forces them to confront the possibility of a greater threat.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to shock and defiance. The characters' emotional turmoil adds depth to the narrative and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and filled with subtext. It reveals the characters' true intentions and adds depth to the scene's dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and unexpected twists. The high stakes and moral dilemmas faced by the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a suspenseful action sequence, with clear descriptions of character actions and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a suspenseful confrontation, building tension through escalating conflict and dramatic reveals. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in maintaining the audience's interest.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the high stakes and dangerous situation the characters are in.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks depth, especially in the interactions between Keaton, McManus, and Kobayashi.
  • The character motivations and emotions could be more clearly defined and explored to create a more engaging and impactful scene.
  • The action sequences could be more dynamic and visually engaging to enhance the suspense and intensity of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the psychological and emotional impact of the characters' decisions and interactions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue to reveal the characters' inner conflicts and motivations.
  • Enhance the visual elements of the scene to create a more immersive and suspenseful atmosphere.
  • Focus on building tension and suspense through the characters' actions and reactions to the unfolding events.
  • Explore the emotional depth of the characters to make their decisions and interactions more impactful.
  • Consider adding twists or unexpected developments to keep the audience engaged and guessing.



Scene 27 -  Koba's Lobby Showdown
93 INT. LOBBY 93

Edie glances toward the men in the hall. Keaton turns quickly
on his heels, facing the others. From where Edie stands, it
looks as though Kobayashi is talking to a group of harmless
maintenance men.

They see A LARGE MAN dressed very much like the two dead
bodies left in the hall downstairs. The man notices Kobayashi
and the others. He stands and stares menacingly.

KOBAYASHI
Ms. Finneran's escort in Los Angeles.
Never leaves her for a moment. I thought
you'd like to know she was in good hands.

Keaton's mind races for an alternative. He can find none.
Verbal lowers his gun without being told.

KOBAYASHI
Get your rest, Gentlemen. The boat will
be ready for you on Friday. If I see you
or your friends before then, or fail to
check in every half hour with that
unpleasant looking man in there, Ms.
Finneran will find herself the victim of
a gruesome violation before she dies. As
will your father, Mr. Hockney. and your
Uncle Randall in Arizona, Mr. Kint.
109.
I might only castrate Mr. McManus'
nephew, David. Do I make myself clear?

All of the men surround Kobayashi, aching to kill him.

KOBAYASHI
I'11 take care of the dead men
downstairs. We'll add them to the cost of
Mr. Fenster. Now if you'll excuse me.

Kobayashi walks into the office. Edie turns to greet him.
Keaton slowly turns and watches as they shake hands and talk.
Kobayashi says something they cannot hear and Edie laughs,
her back to the window.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Kobayashi smiles over her shoulder at Keaton. All the while,
the bodyguard watches Keaton. He nods politely before Keaton
and the others leave. Verbal watches for a moment more and
follows.

94 EXT. HILLSIDE ROAD - DAY 94

Keaton, Verbal, Hockney and McManus sit in a rented sedan
overlooking San Pedro harbor.

Another file from Kobayashi's briefcase is laid out on the
dashboard. This has a map and a good fifty pages of
information in it.

KEATON
It's a logistical nightmare. Close
quarters, no advance layout, ten men,
maybe twenty.

HOCKNEY
Can we stealth these guys?

KEATON
Doubtful. With all that coke, they'll be
ready - which brings me to sunny spot
number two.
110.
Even if one of us gets through and jacks
the boat, we get nothing.

MCMANUS
And if we wait for the money?

KEATON
Ten more men at least. In my opinion, it
can't be done. Anyone who walks into this
won't come out alive.

MCMANUS
I'm for waiting for the money.

HOCKNEY
Me too.

VERBAL
Did you hear what he just said?

HOCKNEY
If I'm going in, I want a stake.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MCMANUS
So do I.

Verbal is shocked by what he is hearing. He looks at Keaton
as if to ask him for his decision.

Keaton's cold stare is all the answer Verbal needs. He slumps
in his seat, resigned to the others.

VERBAL
I just can't believe we're just gonna
walk into certain death.

PAUSE

They all suddenly realize the weight of their situation.

FINALLY:
111.

MCMANUS
News said it's raining in New York.

No one knows quite how to respond.

95 EXT, PIER - SAN PEDRO - NIGHT 95

A large boat, sleek and yacht-like, but without finesse. This
is a boat for business - heavy and fast. It is moored to the
pier.

A large crane hoists a pallet of fuel drums from the dock. It
swings slowly over the boat. A man on the dock yells in
Spanish to the crane operator.

96 EXT. BOATHOUSE 96

Behind an old and weathered boat in dry-dock, Keaton and
Verbal watch the boat from the shadows.

VERBAL
What-are they speaking?

KEATON
Russian, I think. I don't know.

VERBAL
Hungarian?

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
Knock it off.

DOLLY OVER TO REVEAL:

McManus climbing up the side of the boathouse.

CONTINUE PAST HIM TO REVEAL:

A large boat. A very large boat.
112.

97 EXT. BARGE 97

Hockney maneuvers through a mesh of twisted steel, arriving
at a vantage point near the stern of the large boat.

HOCKNEY'S P.O.V.

A black van pulls up and parks near the crane. Four men in
suits get out. One remains with the van and the other three
walk toward the boat.

On the boat, five men come up from below deck. They are tense
and cautious around the men in suits. Someone speaks in
Spanish and someone else in Russian. It takes a moment before
anyone speaks the same tongue. They settle on French for both
negotiators.

Hockney sits in the van. He handles a large shoulder bag
stuffed with plastique. He tests a timer on top. He picks up
a walkie-talkie.

HOCKNEY
Are we ready, kids?

98 SCENE DELETED 98

99 SCENE DELETED/MOVED TO BOTTOM SCENE 97 99
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a tense lobby confrontation, Kobayashi threatens Keaton and company, revealing Edie's location upstairs. Despite their desire to eliminate him, they are forced to stand down. As Kobayashi enters an office, Edie greets him, ending the standoff. The group leaves, haunted by the bodyguard's watchful gaze.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations
  • Complexity of the situation may be overwhelming for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the ultimatum given by Kobayashi and the characters' reactions. The high stakes and sense of danger are palpable, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an ultimatum in a high-stakes criminal situation is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and raising the conflict to a new level. The scene effectively conveys the consequences of the characters' actions.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters face a critical decision under pressure. The ultimatum adds a new layer of complexity to the story and sets the stage for further conflict and resolution.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a complex and dangerous situation with unique character dynamics and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the ultimatum reveal their personalities and motivations, adding depth to their development. The scene highlights their resilience and willingness to confront danger.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo a subtle shift in their attitudes and behaviors as they grapple with the ultimatum. Their decisions in this critical moment will likely have lasting consequences on their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Keaton's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to protect himself and his friends from the threats posed by Kobayashi. This reflects his desire to survive and protect those close to him.

External Goal: 7

Keaton's external goal is to navigate the dangerous situation with Kobayashi and ensure the safety of Ms. Finneran and his friends. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a powerful and threatening adversary.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with the characters facing a life-or-death decision. The ultimatum raises the stakes and creates a sense of imminent danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing threats and ultimatums that challenge their beliefs and values, creating a sense of uncertainty and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene create a sense of urgency and danger, pushing the characters to make difficult choices. The ultimatum adds a layer of suspense and raises the tension to a peak.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new dilemma and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets the stage for the next phase of the narrative and hints at further twists and turns.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected choices and the shifting power dynamics, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' choices between self-preservation and risking their lives for a chance at a reward. Keaton's decision to face certain death or wait for the money highlights this conflict.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and fear to resignation and determination. The characters' emotional responses add depth to the narrative and engage the audience on a visceral level.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and stakes of the situation, with Kobayashi's ultimatum creating a sense of urgency. The characters' interactions reveal their inner turmoil and conflicting emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and tense atmosphere, keeping the audience invested in the characters' decisions and the outcome of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a moment of decision-making that drives the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting that enhance the readability and impact of the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of decision-making for the characters.


Critique
  • The scene transitions from a tense confrontation with Kobayashi to a strategic discussion among Keaton, Verbal, Hockney, and McManus about a risky mission.
  • There is a shift in tone from the intense confrontation to a more contemplative and strategic planning phase, which may disrupt the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between the characters feels a bit disjointed and lacks a cohesive connection to the previous events in the script.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or stakes, considering the gravity of the situation and the impending dangerous mission.
  • The transition from the discussion in the car to the setting at the pier could be smoother to maintain the momentum of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension and urgency to the strategic planning discussion to align with the high-stakes situation the characters are facing.
  • Ensure that the dialogue flows naturally and connects back to the previous events in the script to maintain continuity.
  • Introduce elements that heighten the suspense and emphasize the risks involved in the upcoming mission to keep the audience engaged.
  • Work on a smoother transition between the car discussion and the setting at the pier to maintain the narrative flow and momentum.
  • Consider adding visual cues or actions that reflect the characters' emotions and motivations to enhance the scene's impact.



Scene 28 -  The Boathouse Confrontation
100 EXT. BOATHOUSE.-- ROOF 100

McManus is positioning himself on the roof of the boathouse.
He stops and grabs his radio.

MCMANUS
If I didn't have to stop and answer you,
I would be.

YELLOW 06/11/94
113.

101 MT. BOATHOUSE 101

KEATON
(into radio)
Everyone shut up. I'm ready. McManus, you
better be set up in ten seconds.

MCMANUS
(on radio)
I'm there.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
(to Verbal)
I want you to stay here. Understand?

VERBAL +
But I'm supposed to -

KEATON
If we don't make it out, I want you to
take the money and go.

VERBAL
(confused)
Keaton, I can't just -

KEATON
I want you to find Edie. Both of you find
some place safe. Tell her what happened -
Everything. She knows people. She'll know
what to do. If we can't get Kobayashi my
way, she'll get him her way.

VERBAL
What if I --

KEATON
Just do what I tell you.

Keaton turns and takes a few steps. He stops and looks back,
his face marked with guilt and agony.
114.

KEATON
Tell her I... Tell her I tried.

Keaton leaves before Verbal can respond. He walks down a ramp
toward the boat.

He is no more than a few yards out of the shadows before the
first man sees him.

102 EXT. DOCK 102

One of the men in suits starts to yell to the others. Men
pull out guns and try to look as cool as they can.

Keaton walks right into the face of all of these men,
undaunted. His hands are in his pockets.

Above him, in the darkness, McManus pokes his head out and

YELLOW 06/11/94

spies Keaton. He pulls his head back and sticks out the
barrel of the rifle.

Keaton comes to a stop about twenty feet from fifteen men all
together.

103 EXT. BOATHOUSE - ROOF 103

McMANUS'S P.O.V.

McManus stares through the scope of his rifle at the scene.
The cross-hairs breeze past Keaton and find a target. A man
in a suit.

MCMANUS
Pow.

He moves to another and then another, picking up speed and
mock-shooting the men. He is steady and quick. It is clear he
could take all fifteen in a few seconds.
115.

MCMANUS
Pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow . Oswald was a
fag.

104 EXT. DOCK 104

The men shout questions at Keaton in a number of languages.

105 EXT. BARGE 105

HOCKNEY'S P.O.V.

A few men standing on the dock near the stern of the large
boat, move towards the commotion.

Hockney bails out and runs quickly and quietly through the
shadows, bringing the bomb with him.

106 EXT. BOATHOUSE 106

Verbal remains in the darkness, looking frightened.

107 INT. BOATHOUSE - ROOF 107

McManus still wanders with his scope.

MCMANUS
Old McDonald had a farm, ee-aye, ee-aye,
oh. And on this farm he shot some guys.
Ba-da-bip, ba-da-bing, bang-boom.

YELLOW 06/11/94

108 EXT. DOCK 108

Finally two men walk right towards Keaton. The rest train
guns on him. They reach for his arms, pointing their guns
right at him.

At the far end of the dock, Hockney throws his bomb onto the
stern of the large boat.

IT EXPLODES
116.

The men surrounding Keaton, are distracted. Keaton pulls a
pistol out of each pocket and shoots the two men closest to
him.

109 EXT. BOATHOUSE - ROOF 109

MCMANUS
ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

He fires as fast as he can.

110 EXT. PIER 110

The men from the boat and the men in suits try to peg Keaton,
but McManus' sniping has them running.

111 INT. CRANE 111

The crane operator opens the door to bails out, leaving the
crane in motion.

112 EXT. BOATHOUSE - ROOF 112

McManus runs across the roof of the boathouse and jumps down
to the pier. He arrives at a thick mooring cable and climbs
across to the boat.

MEANWHILE ON THE DOCK:

Keaton climbs up onto a small lifeboat hanging from the side
of the larger boat. From this he climbs aboard the large
boat.

YELLOW 06/11/94
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary McManus prepares for a sniping position, while Keaton confronts armed men on the dock. Amidst the ensuing chaos created by Hockney's bomb explosion and McManus' precise sniping, Keaton escapes. However, the fate of the armed men remains uncertain as McManus joins Keaton on the escaping boat.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a perfect blend of action, emotion, and suspense. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats and sets up a crucial turning point in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dramatic confrontation at a boathouse, with sniper support and a life-or-death decision for the protagonist, is executed brilliantly. It adds depth to the characters and advances the plot significantly.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds with intense action and emotional depth, as Keaton faces a critical moment that will impact the outcome of the story. The scene moves the narrative forward and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the heist genre, with unique character dynamics and unexpected plot twists. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Keaton, are well-developed and show a range of emotions and motivations. Their interactions and decisions drive the scene forward and reveal key aspects of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Keaton undergoes a significant change in this scene, from guilt and agony to determination and sacrifice. His decision to protect his team and loved ones showcases his growth and complexity as a character.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal is to navigate the dangerous situation and protect himself and his loved ones. This reflects his fear of failure and desire for survival.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully execute the heist and escape with the money. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing armed men and completing the mission under pressure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving physical danger, emotional turmoil, and moral dilemmas. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with armed men and unexpected obstacles creating tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with the characters facing life-threatening danger, moral dilemmas, and emotional turmoil. The outcome will have a significant impact on the story and the characters' fates.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a crucial conflict, advancing character arcs, and setting up future events. It raises the stakes and keeps the audience invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected plot twists and character decisions that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty and self-preservation. Keaton's decision to sacrifice himself for the greater good challenges Verbal's beliefs about survival and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and fear to guilt and determination. The characters' struggles and sacrifices resonate with the audience, creating a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and serves to heighten the tension and emotion in the scene. It effectively conveys the characters' feelings and motivations, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, high stakes, and emotional conflict between the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and suspenseful, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise action descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high-stakes heist sequence, with escalating tension and action.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between the different locations and actions, making it confusing for the reader to follow.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and could be more natural and engaging.
  • The emotional depth of the characters, especially Keaton and Verbal, could be further explored to create a more impactful scene.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved to build tension and suspense effectively.
  • There is a lack of visual descriptions and details that could enhance the atmosphere and setting of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding clear scene transitions and descriptions to improve the flow and coherence of the scene.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more authentic and engaging for the audience.
  • Explore the emotional arcs of the characters, particularly Keaton and Verbal, to add depth and complexity to the scene.
  • Adjust the pacing of the scene to build tension and suspense effectively, leading to a more impactful climax.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions and details to create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.



Scene 29 -  Chaos and Brutality on the Dock
113 EXT. DOCK 113

Hockney is firing in all directions. SUDDENLY, he realizes no
one is left on the dock.

PAUSE
117.

FINALLY, he turns and runs back for the van parked on the
pier above. He finds a ramp leading from the dock to the
pier.

At the van, he finds the one man who has stayed behind to
protect it.

The man hears Hockney coming and raises his gun. Hockney runs
straight at him, screaming frantically.

HOCKNEY
(in Spanish)
<<DON'T SHOOT, DON'T SHOOT. LET'S GET THE
FUCK OUT OF HERE. EVERYONE IS DEAD.>>

BOOM

He shoots the man point blank in the face and runs over his
body as it falls.

He gets to the back door of the van and yanks it open.

The inside is stacked with large wooden crates.

114 INT. VAN 114

Hockney, suddenly oblivious to the sound of gunfire, opens
one of the crates and looks inside.

IT IS FILLED WITH MONEY. Cash and negotiable bonds of all
kinds. He smiles.

BOOM

BLOOD sprays all over the money. Hockney looks at it,
puzzled.

Hockney raises a blood-soaked hand from his belly. He turns
and stares in horror.

YELLOW 06/11/94

BOOM - Another shot takes off the top of his head.
118.

115 EXT. PIER 115

McManus runs like a wild man across the deck, heading for the
hatch.

He shoots in all directions as though he has eyes in the back
of his head. He sees Keaton climbing onto the deck of the
boat.

YELLOW 06/11/34

116 EXT. WAREHOUSE 116

Verbal is wrestling with what to do. He finally makes a break
for the other side of the boathouse.

117 EXT. BOAT DECK 117

The crane continues to swing. A single bullet hits one of the
barrels on the suspended pellet. Gasoline pours out through
the bullet-hole.

118 SCENE DELETED 118

119 EXT. BOAT 119

Keaton finds the hatch and goes below, shooting a man on his
way up the stairs. McManus jumps on board and runs down
behind him.

120 EXT'. PIER 120

Verbal arrives at the top of the ramp leading from the dock
to the pier.

He ducks down behind a guardrail beside the ramp. He turns
and sees Hockney's dead body next to the van. He looks around
frantically, frozen in terror. It is quiet, except for the
sounds of screaming, far off in the bowels of the boat and
the hum of the crane.
119.

121 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE - DAY - PRESENT 121

KUJAN
Why didn't you run?

PINK 06/07/94

VERBAL
I froze up. I thought about Fenster and
how he looked when we buried him, then I
thought about Keaton. It looked like he
might pull it off.

A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

Rabin steps in and motions for Kujan to come outside.

122 INT.HALLWAY 122

Rabin and Jack Baer are in the hall. Rabin hands Kujan a
thick manila folder. Kujan thumbs through it.

BAER
A boy came across a body on the beach
this morning. Thrown clear when the boat
burned. Shot once in the head. Two guys
from the F.B.I. just identified him.

KUJAN
And?

RABIN
His name was Arturo Marquez. A petty
smuggler out of Argentina. He was
arrested in New York last year for
trafficking. He escaped to California and
got picked up in Long Beach. They were
setting up his extradition when he
escaped again. Get this - Edie Finneran
was called in to advise the proceedings.

KUJAN
Kobayashi.
120.

Bear nods.

RAB IN
I called New York County and they fared
me a copy of Marquez's testimony. He was
a rat.

Kujan pulls out page after page from the file.

KUJAN
A big fucking rat.

PINK 06/07/94

RABIN
Arturo was strongly opposed 'to going
back to prison. So much so that he
informed on close to fifty guys. Guess
who he names for a finale?

Kujan finds one sheet and notices a paragraph is highlighted.

KUJAN
Keyser Soze.

BAER
There's more.

123 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 123

Kujan walks in and sits down in front of Verbal. He smiles.

KUJAN
I'11 tell you what I know. Stop me when
it sounds familiar.

Verbal is confused.

KUJAN
There was no dope on that boat.
121.

124 INT. BOAT - NIGHT - ONE WEEK PRIOR 124

Keaton is weaving through tight, low-ceiling corridors,
looking in every cabin, working his way towards the bottom of
the boat.

ELSEWHERE IN THE BOAT, McManus is tearing though the
corridors, seemingly less interested in securing the cargo as
he is in killing everyone on board.

He screams like a lunatic, shooting everything in his path,
killing some men with his bare hands, shooting others,
stabbing others still with a knife he has brought along.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Hockney shoots the last man on the dock and discovers a van filled with money, but he is killed shortly after. McManus rampages on the boat, killing everyone in his path. Verbal struggles with indecision, witnessing the carnage unfold before him.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Revealing plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some violence may be too graphic for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of action, suspense, and character development that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a final confrontation with a powerful adversary is executed well, with twists and revelations that add complexity to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate and well-developed, with multiple layers of deception, betrayal, and redemption coming to a head in this scene.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the typical heist or crime genre by focusing on the internal struggles and moral dilemmas of the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their actions in this scene reveal their true motivations and inner conflicts.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in this scene, revealing new facets of their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Hockney's internal goal is to survive and escape the dangerous situation he finds himself in. This reflects his fear of death and desire to protect himself.

External Goal: 7

Hockney's external goal is to get to the van and escape with the money. This reflects the immediate challenge of the violent situation he is in and the need to secure his survival.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical confrontations and emotional turmoil driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Hockney facing a life-threatening situation and having to make difficult choices to survive. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with the characters' lives and futures hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving key conflicts and setting up the climax of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as Hockney's sudden decision to shoot the man and the revelation of the money being covered in blood.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the moral dilemma of killing to survive. Hockney is forced to shoot and kill the man to protect himself, raising questions of morality and ethics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and tension to empathy and catharsis, making it emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying tension and emotion effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, moral dilemmas, and fast-paced narrative. The tension and suspense keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with a sense of urgency and tension that drives the narrative forward. The rhythm of the action and dialogue adds to its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue. The scene is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a sudden realization by Hockney that everyone on the dock is dead, which feels abrupt and lacks buildup or tension.
  • The dialogue by Hockney, while frantic, could be more impactful and emotionally charged to convey the urgency and fear of the situation.
  • The transition from Hockney finding money in the van to his violent demise is jarring and lacks a smooth flow of events.
  • The visual of blood spraying over the money and Hockney's puzzled reaction could be more visually impactful to enhance the shock and horror of the moment.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or closure for Hockney's character, leaving the audience with unanswered questions about his fate.
  • The transition to McManus running across the deck and shooting in all directions feels disconnected from Hockney's storyline, making the scene feel disjointed.
  • The introduction of Verbal wrestling with his decision could be more integrated into the overall narrative to create a sense of continuity and connection between the characters.
  • The visual of the crane swinging and the gasoline leaking out could be more visually striking to build tension and suspense for the upcoming events.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or sense of closure, leaving the audience hanging and unsure of the characters' fates.
Suggestions
  • Consider building up the tension and suspense leading to Hockney's realization of the situation on the dock to create a more impactful and engaging opening.
  • Enhance the dialogue to convey the characters' emotions and the urgency of the situation more effectively.
  • Improve the transition between Hockney finding the money and his violent demise to create a smoother flow of events and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Focus on creating a more visually impactful and emotionally resonant moment when blood sprays over the money to heighten the shock and horror of the scene.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or closure for Hockney's character to give the audience a sense of completion and finality to his storyline.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between Hockney's storyline and McManus running across the deck to maintain narrative coherence and flow.
  • Integrate Verbal's internal struggle more seamlessly into the scene to enhance the connection between the characters and the overall narrative.
  • Enhance the visual elements of the scene, such as the swinging crane and leaking gasoline, to build tension and suspense leading to the climax of the scene.
  • Consider revising the ending to provide a more satisfying conclusion or cliffhanger that leaves the audience eager to see what happens next.



Scene 30 -  Confrontation on the Ship
125 INT. CORRIDOR 125

JAIME, one of the men from the boat, is half-pushing, half-
helping a thin and sweaty looking MAN IN A CHECKERED BATHROBE
towards a cabin at the end of the hall.

The man in the robe is trembling. He seems stricken with
fear.

BLUE 06/01/94

MAN IN ROBE
He's here. I saw him on deck.

Jaime pushes him inside the cabin and shuts the door.

A stereo playing softly in the room mixes with the man's
panicked breathing.

The man in the robe screams through the closed door, his
voice echoing off of the metal bulkheads.

MAN IN ROBE
I'M TELLING YOU IT'S KEYSER SOZE.

Jaime stands outside the door of the cabin and turns to face
down the hall. Off in some other part of the boat, he can
hear McManus wailing like a banshee and the ever-less
frequent sound of gunshots.
122.

126 INT. HOLD 126

Keaton has come to the four-foot-high door to the hold. The
door is open slightly. Keaton finds this strange. He pushes
the door open and steps inside. The hold is empty.

He hears a noise behind him. He wheels around to fire. He
sees McManus in the door. His face is covered with blood.

MCMANUS
Did you hear what I heard?

KEATON
What happened to you?

MCMANUS
Keyser Soze is on the boat.

KEATON
What?

MCMANUS
I heard somebody screaming his nuts off.
He said Keyser Soze was on the boat.

KEATON
Are you alright?

McManus rubs some of the blood off with his sleeve.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

MCMANUS
Huh? Oh, It's not mine.

KEATON
There's no coke.

McManus looks around the hold as though he'll see four and a
half tons of dope in some corner where Keaton might have
missed it.

The two men look at one another. There is a long, pregnant
silence.
123.

MCMANUS
Let's get the fuck out of here.

KEATON
Right behind you.

127 INT. CORRIDOR 127

Keaton and McManus step out of the hold, walking slowly and
cautiously back from where they came. They hear the sounds of
footsteps running on the deck above and the occasional
hollered sentence in Spanish.

KEATON
Where's Hockney?

MCMANUS
I don't think he made it to the boat.

They come to a corner. They can go left or right.

KEATON
I can't remember which way.

MCMANUS
Right -

BOOM - BOOM

Gunshots fill the hallway from behind them. They do not stop
to turn around. Keaton goes left, McManus goes right. They
run in opposite directions with the sound of gunfire right
behind them.

128 INT. HALLWAY - CABIN 128

Jaime squints and cocks his head.

YELLOW 06/11/94

SOMEONE IS COMING. He raises a pistol and crouches by the
door.
124.

129 INT. CABIN 129

The man in the bathrobe sits on the foot of the bed watching
the door. He hears the sounds of fighting somewhere not too
far away.

He crawls over the bed and squeezes between it and the
bulkhead. Only the top of his head is visible. He starts to
cry.

BOOM - BOOM - Two shots just outside in the hall.

SUDDENLY, the door bursts open. Jaime collapses in a heap on
the floor, a bullet hole in his eye.

A FIGURE LOOMS IN THE DOOR

The man in the bathrobe looks up at the figure. We cannot see
him.

MAN IN ROBE
I told them nothing.

BOOM

The man in the robe falls dead.

130 EXT. DECK - MOMENTS LATER 130

The boat is quiet now. Keaton walks out onto the deck. He
looks out over the pier and sees Verbal standing in the
middle of the carnage, frozen. Their eyes meet. Keaton waves
at him as if to shoe him away.

131 EXT. PIER - TOP OF RAMP 131

Verbal hesitates and finally moves towards the van with the
money. He looks back over his shoulder and sees Keaton.
Keaton sees him looking and waves again, hurrying him along.

Verbal turns away and focuses on the van.
125.

132 EXT. DECK 132

Keaton hears a noise behind him. He swings around and points
his gun at McManus again. He puts the gun down.

YELLOW 06/11/94

McManus smiles. He walks slowly across the deck towards
Keaton. Something is not right about him.

MCMANUS
Strangest thing...

He slumps to the deck. Keaton rushes over to him. He kneels
down and sees a pipe sticking out of the back of McManus's
neck.

133 EXT. PIER 133

Verbal approaches the van, stepping over Hockney's body. He
closes the back doors of the van.

He looks to his left at the huge loading crane. He glances
upward along the giant' arm as it swings steadily on.

Somewhere, off in the distance, the sound of SIRENS can be
heard.

134 EXT. DECK 134

Keaton kneels by McManus, trembling with rage. After a moment
he stands, looking down at McManus' dead body.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Jaime apprehends a man claiming to have seen Keyser Soze, leading to a chaotic search for cocaine. Amidst the gunfire, Jaime and the man are killed, while McManus is fatally wounded. Verbal escapes, leaving Keaton to mourn McManus.
Strengths
  • Intense suspense
  • Impactful dialogue
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some violence may be too graphic for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a strong mix of suspense, drama, and action. The revelation of Keyser Soze's presence adds a new layer of complexity and danger to the story, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of facing a notorious criminal mastermind like Keyser Soze and dealing with the aftermath of a violent confrontation is executed effectively in this scene. The tension and stakes are high, driving the narrative forward.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds with intense action and reveals key information about the characters' past and their connection to Keyser Soze. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets up the climax of the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the thriller genre with its claustrophobic setting and intense character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' emotions and motivations are well portrayed, especially in the face of danger and betrayal. Each character's actions and decisions drive the plot forward and add depth to the overall story.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters experience significant changes in this scene, particularly in their perceptions of each other and their own actions. The revelation of Keyser Soze's involvement forces them to reevaluate their choices and alliances.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and protect themselves from the perceived threat of Keyser Soze. This reflects their deeper need for safety and security in a dangerous situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the boat and find safety amidst the chaos and violence. This reflects the immediate challenge of escaping a dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving physical danger, emotional turmoil, and moral dilemmas. The presence of Keyser Soze raises the stakes and creates a sense of imminent danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing multiple threats and challenges that keep the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with the characters facing the presence of Keyser Soze, violent confrontations, and the threat of betrayal. The outcome of their actions could have far-reaching consequences for their lives.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting up the climax of the narrative. The events that unfold have a direct impact on the characters and their future decisions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twists and turns in the characters' actions and the unexpected presence of Keyser Soze.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the characters' struggle between self-preservation and loyalty to their companions. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about trust and survival.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, anger, shock, and sadness as the characters face betrayal, violence, and the revelation of Keyser Soze's presence. The emotional impact drives the intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It adds to the tension and suspense of the scene, keeping the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, high stakes, and fast-paced action. The reader is drawn into the characters' struggle for survival.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and keeps the reader engaged, contributing to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a strong sense of tension and fear as the man in the bathrobe is pushed into a cabin, claiming to have seen Keyser Soze on board.
  • The dialogue between Keaton and McManus in the hold is effective in building suspense and uncertainty about the presence of Keyser Soze on the boat.
  • The split decision to go left and right in the hallway adds to the chaotic and intense atmosphere of the scene.
  • The sudden burst of violence with Jaime being shot and the man in the bathrobe meeting a grim fate heightens the stakes and danger on the boat.
  • The interaction between Keaton and McManus on the deck, followed by McManus' sudden collapse with a pipe in his neck, creates a shocking and impactful moment.
  • Verbal's hesitation and eventual movement towards the van with the money, along with the looming presence of the loading crane and the distant sound of sirens, adds to the sense of impending danger and uncertainty.
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of chaos, fear, and impending violence as the characters navigate through a dangerous situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and tension of the scene, such as detailing the surroundings and the characters' reactions.
  • Work on building up the suspense and anticipation leading to the climax of the scene, creating a more intense and gripping narrative.
  • Ensure that the actions and decisions of the characters align with their motivations and the overall plot of the screenplay.
  • Consider adding more depth to the characters' emotions and reactions to heighten the impact of the unfolding events.
  • Focus on maintaining a consistent tone throughout the scene to effectively convey the sense of danger and uncertainty faced by the characters.



Scene 31 -  Verbal's Encounter with the Thin Man
135 EXT. PIER 135

SUDDENLY, Verbal realizes something. He turns and goes to
call out a warning to Keaton. He is too late.

136 EXT. DECK 136

Keaton never sees the crane coming.

WHAM
126.

The pellet of barrels hits him square in the back and sends
him flying into the wheel house of the boat.

Keaton is still for a moment. Finally, he tries to get up,
but finds he cannot move his legs.

137 EXT. PIER 137

Verbal runs down the ramp as fast as he can. He comes to a
rope ladder hanging down the side of the boat.

SUDDENLY, he stops dead in his tracks, looking up at the
boat.

YELLOW 06/11/94

From where he stands, he can just make out the figure of a
TAU, THIN MAN walking along the edge of the deck. He moves
quietly and calmly in the shadows towards the crane, looking
out of place in his expensive suit.

YELLOW 06/11/94

Something about this man terrifies him.

138 SCENE DELETED 138

139 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE - DAY - PRESENT .139

KUJAN
And that's when you say in your statement
that you saw...

Kujan picks up his copy of Verbal's statement to the D.A.

KUJAN
A man in a suit with a slim build. Tall.

VERBAL
Wait a minute.

KUJAN
(looking at watch)
I don't have a minute.
127.
Are you saying it was Keyser Soze? You
told the D.A. you didn't know who it was.

Verbal is drowning in Kujan's interrogation. He looks dazed.

VERBAL
I - there had to be dope there.

BLUE 06/01/94

KUJAN
Don't shine me, Verbal. No more stalling.
You know what I'm getting at.

VERBAL
I don't.

KUJAN
YES YOU DO. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING AT.
THE TRUTH. TRY TO TELL ME YOU DIDN'T
KNOW. TRY TO TELL ME YOU SAW SOMEONE KILL
KEATON.

For the first time, Verbal stands and tries to move away from
Kujan, but Kujan stays in his face, backing him into a
corner. Verbal shields himself with his hands and shuts his
eyes.

KUJAN
TRY TO REEF LYING TO ME NOW. I KNOW
EVERYTHING.

VERBAL
I don't know what you're talking about.

KUJAN
YOU KNOW. YOU'VE KNOWN THIS WHOLE FUCKING
TIME. GIVE IT TO ME.

Verbal looks into Kujan's eyes with genuine terror. Kujan's
face is red, his body trembles. His locomotive breathing is
the only sound in the room.
128.

VERBAL
I don't understand what you're saying. I
saw Keaton get shot, I swear to you.

KUJAN
Then why didn't you help him?

VERBAL
I WAS AFRAID, OKAY? Somehow, I was sure
it was Keyser Soze at that point. I
couldn't bring myself to raise my gun to
him.

KUJAN
But Keaton...

VERBAL
It was Keyser Soze, Agent Kujan. I mean
the Devil himself. How do you shoot the
Devil in the back?

YELLOW 06/11/94

Verbal holds up a shaking, twisted hand.

VERBAL
What if you miss?

140 EXT. BARGE - NIGHT - ONE WEEK PRIOR 140

Verbal is hiding in the tangle of girders and cables on the
barge.

VERBAL'S P.O.V.

Keaton's body is completely obscured. The man in a suit
strides across the deck over to Keaton, stopping to relieve
himself on a small fire on the deck. He walks up and stands
over Keaton. The two men exchange words and the man in the
suit pulls out a pistol. He points it at Keaton.
129.

RED AND BLUE LIGHTS FLASH BEHIND VERBAL

Verbal turns. He can just make out police cars coming in the
distance.

BANG

Verbal hears a shot from the deck of the boat. He turns in
time to see the man in the suit running across the deck
toward the gangway.

Verbal can barely see the man from where he is now. The man
in the suit is covered by shadows and the poor angle from the
barge. Verbal strains to see but he cannot.

The man in the suit stops long enough to pull out a lighter.
He turns and walks back across the deck and out of sight. A
moment later flames leap up from on the deck. The mesh of
steel and rubber leaves a dark and open cocoon at its base.

MOVE INTO THE DARKNESS.

Sirens are close now. Almost here. The sound of fire raging
out of control.

SIRENS BLARING. TIRES SQUEALING. CAR DOORS OPENING.
FEETPOUNDING THE PAVEMENT.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MOVE FURTHER, SLOWER, INTO THE DARKNESS.

Voices yelling. New light flickering in the surrounding
darkness.

BLUE 06/01/94
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Verbal realizes Keaton is in danger and tries to warn him, but Keaton is hit by a pellet of barrels from a crane and is paralyzed. Verbal sees a thin man in a suit on the boat, and he is terrified of him. Kujan interrogates Verbal about what he saw, but Verbal denies knowing anything. Verbal remembers seeing the thin man in the suit shoot Keaton and set the boat on fire, but he was too far away to see the man's face.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Revealing key information
  • Building tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual variety in setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is a crucial turning point in the plot, revealing key information about Keyser Soze and the characters' motivations. The emotional intensity and high stakes make it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of facing a legendary and feared criminal mastermind like Keyser Soze adds depth and intrigue to the story. The revelation of Verbal's inner turmoil and fear enhances the complexity of the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the revelation about Keyser Soze and Verbal's confession. The scene sets up a major conflict and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tense, high-stakes confrontation between characters involved in criminal activities. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are unpredictable, keeping the audience engaged.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' depth and complexity are highlighted in this scene, especially Verbal's internal struggle and fear of Keyser Soze. The interaction between Verbal and Kujan reveals layers of the characters' personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Verbal undergoes a significant character change in this scene, confronting his fear and coming to terms with the truth about Keyser Soze. The revelation leads to a shift in his perspective and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and maintain his facade of innocence while being interrogated by Kujan. He is struggling with fear and guilt, as well as the realization that he may have been in the presence of Keyser Soze.

External Goal: 7

Verbal's external goal is to survive and avoid incriminating himself in the criminal activities he has been involved in. He is also trying to navigate the dangerous situation he finds himself in with Keaton's death and the presence of Keyser Soze.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Verbal facing the truth about Keyser Soze and the consequences of his actions. The tension between the characters and the revelation of past events create a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Verbal facing intense interrogation and pressure from Kujan. The audience is kept in suspense as they wait to see how Verbal will navigate the dangerous situation he finds himself in.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with Verbal facing the truth about Keyser Soze and the consequences of his actions. The characters' lives are in danger, and the revelation has far-reaching implications.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Keyser Soze and setting up a major conflict for the characters. The revelation propels the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twists and revelations that keep the audience on edge. The presence of Keyser Soze adds an element of danger and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of facing one's fears and confronting the truth, even when it is terrifying. Verbal is forced to confront his own cowardice and the reality of the evil represented by Keyser Soze.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with Verbal's fear and realization resonating with the audience. The high stakes and intense dialogue heighten the emotional tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. Verbal's confession and Kujan's interrogation create a gripping exchange.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense emotional conflict, and unpredictable twists. The reader is drawn into the characters' struggles and the mystery surrounding Keyser Soze.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment of confrontation between Verbal and Kujan. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that help to visualize the action and setting. The dialogue is formatted in a way that enhances the dramatic impact of the interactions between characters.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of revelation and conflict. The pacing and formatting are well-executed, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the action and the characters' motivations. It is not clear why Verbal is warning Keaton or why Keaton is unable to move his legs after being hit by the barrels.
  • The tension and suspense in the scene could be heightened by providing more context and building up the threat of the thin man in the suit on the boat.
  • The dialogue between Verbal and Kujan feels forced and lacks depth. The emotional impact of the scene could be improved by delving deeper into Verbal's internal conflict and fear.
  • The transition to the flashback on the barge feels abrupt and disrupts the flow of the scene. It would be more effective to integrate this flashback more seamlessly into the narrative.
  • The visual descriptions in the scene could be enhanced to create a more vivid and immersive setting, especially during the confrontation on the boat.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the actions and motivations of the characters to make the scene more engaging and coherent.
  • Build up the tension surrounding the thin man in the suit on the boat to increase the suspense.
  • Revise the dialogue between Verbal and Kujan to add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.
  • Integrate the flashback on the barge more smoothly into the narrative to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and vivid setting for the confrontation on the boat.



Scene 32 -  The Revelation of Keyser Soze
141 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE - DAY - PRESENT 141

KUJAN
Arturo Marquez. Ever hear of him?

VERBAL
Wha- No.
130.

KUJAN
He was a stool pigeon for the Justice
Department. He swore out a statement to
Federal Marshals that he had seen and
could positively identify one Keyser Soze
and had intimate knowledge of his
business, including, but not exclusive
to, drug trafficking and murder.

VERBAL
I never heard of him.

KUJAN
His own people were selling him to a gang
of Hungarians. Most likely the same
Hungarians that Sate all but wiped out
back in Turkey. The money wasn't there
for dope. The Hungarians were going to
buy the one guy that could finger Soze
for them.

VERBAL
I said I never heard of him.

KUJAN
But Keaton had. Edie Finneran was his
extradition advisor. She knew who he was
and what he knew.

VERBAL
I don't.

KUJAN
There were no drugs on that boat. It was
a hit. A suicide mission to whack out the
one man that could finger Keyser Soze so
Sate had a few thieves put to it. Men he
knew he could march into certain death.

VERBAL
But how - wait. You're saying SOZE sent
us to kill someone?
131.

BLUE 06/01/94

KUJAN
I'm saying Keaton did.

Verbal cannot grasp this. He squints, trying to understand.

KUJAN
Verbal, he left you behind for a reason.
If you all knew Soze could find you
anywhere, why was he ready to send you
off with the money when he could have
used you to take the boat?

VERBAL
He wanted me to live.

KUJAN
Why did he want you to live? A one-time
dirty cop without a loyalty in the world
finds it in his heart to save a worthless
rat-cripple? No, sir. Why'

VERBAL
Edie.

KUJAN
I don't buy that reform story for a
minute. And even if I did, I certainly
don't believe he would send you to
protect her. So why?

VERBAL
Because he was my friend.

KUJAN
No, Verbal. You weren't friends. Keaton
didn't have friends. He saved you because
he wanted it that way. It was his will.
132.

Verbal grinds to a mental halt, trying to grasp the
implication .

SUDDENLY:

VERBAL
No...

KUJAN
Keaton was Keyser Soze.

VERBAL
NO.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

KUJAN
The kind of guy who could wrangle the
wills of men like Hockney and McManus.
The kind of man who could engineer a
police line-up from all his years of
contacts in N.Y.P.D.

Verbal stands on wobbly legs, shaking with anger.

VERBAL
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

KUJAN
THE KIND OF MAN THAT COULD HAVE KILLED
EDIE FINNERAN.

A strange look crosses Verbal's face. Shock perhaps, or
revelation.

KUJAN
They found her yesterday in a hotel in
Pennsylvania. Shot twice in the head.

It starts to sink in with Verbal. His eyes swell.

VERBAL
Edie...
133.

KUJAN
He used all of you to get him on that
boat. He couldn't get on alone and he had
to pull the trigger himself to make sure
he got his man. The one man that could
identify him.

VERBAL
This is all bullshit.

KUJAN
He left you to stay behind and tell us he
was dead. You saw him die, right? Or did
you? You had to hide when the first
police cars showed up. You heard the
shot, just before the fire but you didn't
see him die.

VERBAL
I knew him. He would never -

KUJAN
He programmed you to tell us just what he
wanted you to. Customs has been

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

KUJAN
investigating him for years. He knew we
were close. You said it yourself. Where
is the political pressure coming from?
Why are you being protected? It's Keaton
making sure you tell us what you're
supposed to. Immunity is your reward.

VERBAL
BUT WHY ME? WHY NOT HOCKNEY OR FENSTER OR
McMANUS? I'm a cripple. I'm stupid. Why
me?

Verbal hears the weight of his words and falls back in his
chair, Kujan looks at him with some pity,; but he is too far
in to stop.
134.

KUJAN
Because you're a cripple, Verbal. Because
you're stupid. Because you were weaker
than them. Because you couldn't see far
enough into him to know the truth.

Verbal is crying now. He shakes his head, eyes closed.

KUJAN
If he's dead, Verbal - if what you say is
true, then it won't matter. It was his
idea to hit the Taxi Service in New York,
wasn't it? Tell me the truth.

VERBAL
(sobbing)
It was all Keaton. We followed him from
the beginning.

Kujan smiles with triumphant satisfaction.

VERBAL
I didn't know. I saw him die. I believe
he's dead. Christ.

KUJAN
Why lie about everything else, then?

VERBAL
You know what it's like, Agent Kujan, to
know you'll never be good? Not good like
you. You got good all fucked around. I
mean a stand up guy. I grew up knowing I
was never going to be good at anything
'cause I was a cripple. Shit, I wasn't

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL
even a good thief. But I thought the one
thing I could be good at was a keeping my
mouth shut - keeping the code.
135.
I didn't want to tell you for my dignity,
that's all, and you robbed me, Agent
Kujan. You robbed me.

Kujan pulls the microphone out from under his tie and puts it
on the desk. Verbal actually manages to snort a laugh, but
only briefly, overcome by an apparent wave of nausea.

KUJAN
You're not safe on your own.

VERBAL
You think he's..?

KUJAN
Is he Keyser Soze I don't know, Verbal.
It seems to me that Keyser Sate is a
shield. Like you said, a spook story, but
I know Keaton - and someone out there is
pulling strings for you. Stay here and
let us protect you.

VERBAL
I'm not bait. No way. I post today.

KUJAN
You posted twenty minutes ago. Captain
Leo wants you out of here a.s.a.p.,
unless you turn state's.

VERBAL
I'11 take my chances, thank you. It's
tougher to buy the cheapest bag-man than
it is to buy a cop.

KUJAN
Where are you going to go, Verbal? You
gonna run? Turn states evidence. You
might never see trial. If somebody wants
to get you, you know They'll get you out
there.
136.

VERBAL
Maybe so, but I'm no rat, Agent Kujan.
You tricked me, that's all. I won't keep
my mouth shut 'cause I'm scared. I'11
keep it shut 'cause I let Keaton down by
getting caught - Edie Finneran too. And
if they kill me, it's

YELLOW 06/11/94

VERBAL
because they'll hear I dropped dime.
They'll probably hear it from you.

Verbal stands, mustering his shattered dignity and walks
towards the door. Rabin opens it for him from outside.

For once Kujan cannot bring himself to look at Verbal. Verbal
turns to the door, stopping to look Rabin in the eye.

VERBAL
Fuckin' cops.

He steps out of the room and into the hall. Rabin follows
him.
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Detective Kujan unveils the truth about Keyser Soze's identity and manipulative schemes, leaving Verbal conflicted and torn between loyalty and justice.
Strengths
  • Revealing plot twist
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Possible confusion for audience due to complex revelations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, revealing crucial information and changing the course of the story dramatically. The emotional depth and intensity of the dialogue make it a standout moment.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the protagonist realizing the true identity of a key character is executed brilliantly, creating a major turning point in the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly with the revelation of Keaton being Keyser Soze, adding layers of complexity and intrigue to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a character's internal and external conflicts, as well as the revelation of a major plot twist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' depth and development are highlighted through the emotional impact of the revelation, especially Verbal's internal struggle and Keaton's hidden identity.

Character Changes: 9

Verbal undergoes a significant character change as he comes to terms with the truth about Keaton, leading to a shift in his perspective and understanding of the events.

Internal Goal: 9

Verbal's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the betrayal of his friend Keaton and the realization that he has been manipulated and used. This reflects his deeper need for trust, loyalty, and understanding.

External Goal: 8

Verbal's external goal in this scene is to decide whether to turn state's evidence or not, facing the choice of betraying his criminal associates or risking his life by staying silent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict reaches a peak with the revelation of Keaton's true identity, leading to internal and external conflicts for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Verbal facing internal and external conflicts that challenge his beliefs, values, and loyalties. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' true motivations and intentions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are raised significantly with the revelation of Keaton's true identity, putting Verbal and the other characters in a dangerous and uncertain position.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information and setting up new conflicts and dynamics among the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected plot twists, revelations, and character motivations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loyalty, betrayal, and morality. Verbal grapples with the idea of loyalty to his friends versus doing what is right for himself and potentially saving his own life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The emotional impact is profound, as Verbal grapples with the shocking truth and the audience is left reeling from the revelation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense, revealing, and emotionally charged, driving the scene's impact and conveying the characters' conflicting emotions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, emotional depth, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the characters' internal struggles and moral dilemmas, creating a sense of tension and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to the climactic revelation of Keaton's true identity. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene is filled with intense emotional moments and revelations, but the dialogue feels a bit heavy-handed and expository at times.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by breaking up the dialogue with more action or visual elements to keep the audience engaged.
  • Verbal's emotional journey and realization about Keaton being Keyser Soze could be more subtly portrayed to create a deeper impact on the audience.
  • The scene could benefit from more nuanced character interactions and reactions to make the revelations feel more authentic and impactful.
  • The dialogue between Kujan and Verbal could be more dynamic and natural to enhance the tension and drama of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue and enhance the pacing of the scene.
  • Focus on creating more nuanced and subtle character reactions to the revelations to make them feel more authentic and emotionally resonant.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more dynamic and natural, avoiding heavy exposition and focusing on character dynamics.
  • Explore different ways to convey Verbal's emotional journey and realization about Keaton being Keyser Soze to create a deeper impact on the audience.
  • Consider incorporating more subtext and layers into the dialogue to add depth to the characters and their relationships.



Scene 33 -  The Puzzle Pieces Fall into Place
142 INT. HOSPITAL - DAY 142

Daniel Metzheiser comes out of Arkosh Kovash's room with a
single sheet of 15x20 inch paper in his hand. He inspects the
sketch with great interest. He folds the edges of the paper
back to make it smaller.

143 INT. HOSPITAL RECEPTION ROOM 143

Metzheiser walks behind the reception desk without asking the
nurse for permission and helps himself to the fax machine.

144 INT. DEPOT - LATER 144

Verbal is downstairs in the depot of the police station
picking up his personal belongings.
137.
A FAT, WHITE-HAIRED COP is checking off the items as he takes
them out of the tray in which they are kept.

COP
One watch: gold. One cigarette lighter:
gold. One wallet: brown. One pack of
cigarettes.

Verbal collects his personal items and shuffles on his lame
leg toward the exit.

145 INT. DISPATCHER'S OFFICE 145

Jack Baer stands by a fax machine. A green light comes on
next to a digital display.

The display reads: RECEIVING

BLUE 06/01/94

146 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 146

Kujan stares solemnly at the bulletin board, drinking from
Rabin's coffee cup. Rabin sits at the desk, sifting through
the mound of gapers as though considering organizing them
once and for all.

RABIN
You still don't know shit.

KUJAN
I know what I wanted to know about
Keaton.

RAB IN
Which is shit.

KUJAN
No matter. He'll have to know how close
we came.

RABIN
Keyser Sate or not, if Keaton's alive
he'll never come up again.
138.

KUJAN
I'11 find him.

RAB IN
Waste of time.

KUJAN
(to himself)
A rumor is not a rumor that doesn't die.

RAB IN
What?

KUJAN
Nothing. Something I - forget it.

Kujan shakes his head. He gestures to the desk.

KUJAN
Man, you're a fucking slob.

Rabin regards the mess of his office.

RABIN
Yeah. It's got its own system though. It
all makes sense when you look at it
right. You just have to step back from

BLUE 06/01/94

RABIN
it, you know? You should see my garage,
now that's a horror show...

Kujan is not listening. He has been staring at the bulletin
board, lost in thought, his unfocused eyes drifting across
the mess of papers, not looking at anything at all.

147 EXT. STREET 147

Verbal steps out into the sunlight, putting on a pair of
cheap sunglasses. He looks up and down the crowded street.
People on their way to and from lunch, no doubt.
139.
Cars choke the street in front of the police department as
they wait for pedestrians to clear the way.

148 INT. DISPATCHER'S OFFICE 148
-

A single sheet of paper comes out of the fax machine, face
down.

149 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 149

Kujan still stares at the bulletin board.

SUDDENLY, Kujan's face changes. He leans in closer to the
bulletin board and squints his eyes. His face changes again.

First a look of puzzlement, then confusion - finally
realization.

The coffee cup tumbles from his hand. It hits the floor with
the SMASH of cheap porcelain. Coffee splatters everywhere.
Rabin snaps out of his droning and looks up in surprise.

KUJAN'S P.O.V.

Kujan is staring not at what is on the bulletin board, but at
the bulletin board itself.

His eyes follow the aluminum frame, mounted firmly to the
wall. One might note it's sturdy construction and it's
convenient size. Big enough to hold a lifetime of forgotten
and disregarded notes and facts. Years of police trivia that
has been hung and forgotten with the intention of finding a
use for it all someday. One might want such a bulletin board
for one's self. One would look to see who makes such a
bulletin board.

Kujan's eyes are locked on a metal plate bearing the
manufacturer's name.

YELLOW 06/11/94

It reads: QUARTET - SKOKIE, ILLINOIS

Kujan's eyes flash all over the bulletin board. He finds a
picture of Rabin in the far corner.
140.
He stands beside a scale in fishing gear. He proudly holds a
hand out to his freshly caught marlin. His eyes skim quickly
over and stop on an eight and a half by eleven inch fax sheet
of what must be a THREE HUNDRED POUND BLACK MAN. Kujan glazes
over his name, it is irrelevant. His aliases stand out.

Slavin, BRICKS, Shank, REDFOOT, Thee, Rooster...

KUJAN'S EYES WIDEN with sudden realization. He runs for the
door.

His foot crushes the broken pieces of Rabin's coffee cup. The
cup that hovered over Verbal's head for two hours.

Kujan is in too much of a hurry to notice the two words
printed on the jagged piece that had been the bottom of the
cheap mug.

KOBAYASHI PORCELAIN.

150 EXT. HALLWAY 150

Kujan is sprinting wildly down the hall for the stairs.

151 EXT. STREET 151

Verbal looks behind him and sees ANOTHER COP standing just
inside the doorway, lighting a cigarette. The cop notices
Verbal and watches him in the way that cops look at people
they cannot place in the category of idiot citizen, or stupid
criminal.

Verbal smiles politely, meekly at the cop and walks down the
steps into the moving throng.
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Metzheiser faxes a sketch, while Verbal collects belongings under observation. Kujan's realization about the bulletin board prompts him to rush out, leaving Rabin puzzled.
Strengths
  • Revealing dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Shocking revelations
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential confusion with multiple character revelations
  • Complexity of plot

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is a pivotal moment in the story, filled with suspense, tension, and shocking revelations. It effectively builds on the mystery and intrigue of the plot, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see how the story unfolds.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of uncovering the true identity of Keyser Soze and the manipulation of the characters is executed brilliantly in this scene. It adds depth to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens in this scene with the unraveling of key information and the escalation of tension between the characters. It sets the stage for the climax of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the discovery of a hidden message on a bulletin board and the revelation of a new lead in the investigation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Verbal and Kujan, undergo significant development in this scene as they come to terms with the truth. Their reactions and decisions drive the narrative forward and add emotional depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience significant changes in this scene, particularly Verbal and Kujan, as they come to terms with the truth and make pivotal decisions that will impact the outcome of the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about Keaton and Keyser Söze. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and closure, as well as his fear of being deceived or misled.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evade detection and escape from the police station. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing of being pursued by law enforcement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, both internally within the characters as they grapple with the truth, and externally as the tension between them escalates. The stakes are high, leading to a dramatic confrontation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles and challenges that add tension and conflict to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the characters face the consequences of their actions, confront the truth, and make life-changing decisions. The tension and suspense are heightened, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting the stage for the climax. It propels the narrative towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden revelations and twists in the plot, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' true intentions and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of truth, deception, and the nature of rumors. Kujan and Rabin have differing beliefs about the reliability of information and the importance of pursuing leads.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact as the characters face shocking revelations and make difficult decisions. The audience is emotionally invested in the outcome, feeling the tension and suspense of the moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, revealing crucial information and showcasing the characters' emotions and motivations. It effectively conveys the tension and suspense of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, intriguing dialogue, and unexpected plot twists. The audience is kept on the edge of their seat as the mystery unfolds.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspenseful moments that keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and well-defined character interactions. It maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, as it jumps between different locations and characters without a cohesive thread.
  • There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, making it feel disjointed and unengaging.
  • The dialogue is minimal and lacks depth, failing to provide insight into the characters or advance the plot.
  • The visual descriptions are sparse and do not create a vivid or immersive setting for the scene.
  • The transition between different locations and characters is abrupt and confusing, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that it contributes to the overall story arc.
  • Introduce more conflict or tension to engage the audience and drive the scene forward.
  • Develop the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' motivations and relationships.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
  • Improve the transitions between locations and characters to create a smoother flow of the narrative.



Scene 34 -  Verbal's Escape
152 INT. DEPOT 152

Kujan runs up to the desk where Verbal had only moments
before picked up his belongings. Rabin is right behind him, a
look of absolute confusion on his face.

KUJAN
WHERE IS HE? DID YOU SEE HIM?
141.

COP
The Cripple? He went that way.

YELLOW 06/11/94

The cog gestures towards the door.

Kujan runs outside looking around frantically.

153 SCENE DELETED 153

YELLOW 06/11/94

154 EXT. SIDEWALK 154

Verbal limps his way carefully across the sidewalk, avoiding
people as best as he can.

He looks over his shoulder, getting farther away from the
police station. He can see Rabin and the cop on the steps,
looking around with strange, lost expressions on their faces.

He does not notice the car creeping along the curb beside
him.

155 INT. CAR 155

DRIVER'S P.O.V.

The driver's hands tap the wheel patiently. His eyes follow
Verbal as he fumbles through the crowd.

156 EXT. SIDEWALK 156

Kujan pushes and shoves, looking this way and that.

157 EXT. STREET 157

LOW ANGLE on the feet of dozens of people. Verbal's feet
emerge from the crowd on the far side. They hobble along the
curb.
142.

SUDDENLY, the right foot seems to relax a little, the inward
angle straightens itself out in a few paces and the limp
ceases as though the leg has grown another inch.

CRANE UP VERBAL'S BODY

Verbal's hands are rummaging around in his pockets. The good
left hand comes up with a pack of cigarettes, the bad right
hand comes up with a lighter. The right hand flexes with all

BLUE 06/01/94

of the grace and coordination of a sculptor's, flicking the
clasp on the antique lighter with the thumb, striking the
flint with the index finger. It is a fluid motion, somewhat
showy.

Verbal lights a cigarette and smiles to himself. He turns and
sees the car running alongside.

158 INT. DISPATCHER'S OFFICE 158

Jack Beer pulls the sheet out of the fax machine and turns it
over, revealing the composite sketch of Keyser SOZE.

Though crude and distorted, one cannot help but notice how
much it looks like VERBAL KINT.

159 EXT. STREET 159

The car stops. The driver gets out. IT IS KOBAYASHI, or the
man we have come to know as such. He smiles to Verbal. Verbal
steps off of the curb, returning the smile as he opens the
passenger door and gets in.

The man called Kobayashi gets in the driver's seat and pulls
away.

A moment later, Agent David Kujan of U.S. Customs wanders
into the frame, looking around much in the way a child would
when lost at the circus.
143.

He takes no notice of the car pulling out into traffic,
blending in with the rest of the cars filled with people on
their way back to work.

BLACK
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Kujan arrives at the desk where Verbal had picked up his belongings but finds him gone. A cop tells him Verbal went towards the door. Kujan runs outside and sees Verbal limping away from the police station. Verbal avoids people and does not notice a car creeping along beside him. He lights a cigarette and notices the car, which stops, revealing Kobayashi, the man known as Keyser Soze. Verbal gets in the car with Kobayashi and drives away, leaving Kujan behind, unaware of what just happened.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Revealing dialogue
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Possible confusion for the audience due to complex revelations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, with a gripping revelation that changes the course of the story and leaves a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the unveiling of Keyser Soze's true identity and the betrayal of Verbal, is executed with precision and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the revelation of Keyser Soze's involvement in the heist and the subsequent events, creating a sense of urgency and suspense that propels the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique twist with the character of Kobayashi, adding a layer of mystery and intrigue to the plot. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions of the characters are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Verbal and Keyser Soze, undergo significant development in this scene, adding layers to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters, especially Verbal and Keyser Soze, undergo significant changes in this scene, leading to a shift in their motivations and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal is to evade capture and escape from the police station. This reflects his fear of being caught and his desire to maintain his freedom.

External Goal: 9

Verbal's external goal is to avoid being recognized by the police and to ultimately escape with the help of Kobayashi.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with characters facing internal and external challenges that drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Verbal facing multiple obstacles in his escape attempt.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with characters facing life-changing decisions and the revelation of dangerous secrets that could have deadly consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing crucial information and setting the stage for the climax of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of Kobayashi and the twist in Verbal's escape plan.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the idea of deception and manipulation. Verbal's actions challenge the beliefs and values of the police officers, who are trying to catch him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is profound, with shocking revelations and devastating consequences that resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and serves to reveal crucial information about the characters and their relationships, enhancing the tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced action and the high stakes involved. The audience is invested in Verbal's escape and the unfolding mystery surrounding Kobayashi.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of action and suspense that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise action lines and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and logical structure, moving seamlessly from one location to another while maintaining the tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, leaving the audience with unanswered questions and a sense of incompleteness.
  • The transition between Verbal leaving the police station and getting into the car with Kobayashi feels rushed and lacks proper buildup or tension.
  • The dialogue is minimal and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to delve into Verbal's internal conflict or provide more insight into his character.
  • The visual descriptions are lacking in detail, making it difficult for the audience to fully visualize the scene and connect with the characters.
  • The scene could benefit from more emotional depth and character development to create a stronger impact on the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a confrontation or interaction between Verbal and Kujan to create a more engaging and dynamic scene.
  • Provide more context or background information to enhance the audience's understanding of Verbal's motivations and actions.
  • Build up the tension and suspense leading to Verbal's encounter with Kobayashi to create a more impactful and memorable moment.
  • Add more dialogue that reveals Verbal's thoughts and emotions, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Consider incorporating visual elements that enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene, such as lighting, camera angles, and setting details.