The usual suspects

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Crime, Thriller, Drama, Mystery

Setting: Contemporary, Various locations in New York City and Los Angeles

Overview: In a dark and gritty urban underworld, an enigmatic group of criminals gather to execute a high-stakes heist. As their plan unfolds, a web of deceit and betrayal ensnares them, leading to a violent confrontation that tests their loyalty and exposes their true identities. With unexpected twists and turns, the story delves into the depths of crime, morality, and the elusive nature of justice.

Themes: Crime and Corruption, Identity and Betrayal, Power and Control, Love and Loss

Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflict revolves around the characters' entanglement with Keyser Soze, a dangerous criminal mastermind, and the stakes involve their lives and freedom as they navigate a web of deception and betrayal.

Overall Mood: Dark, suspenseful, and mysterious

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The opening scene sets a dark and suspenseful tone with the explosion and the introduction of the enigmatic Keyser.
  • Scene 17: The revelation scene with Verbal and Kujan is intense and emotionally charged, adding to the overall mood of the film.
  • Scene 23: The final confrontation on the boat creates a sense of urgency and danger, enhancing the suspenseful atmosphere.

Standout Features:

  • Twist Ending: The iconic twist ending that redefines the entire narrative and leaves audiences in shock.
  • Complex Characters: Memorable and multi-dimensional characters that add depth and intrigue to the story.
  • Suspenseful Atmosphere: The tense and suspenseful atmosphere created through clever storytelling and visual elements.
  • Mystery Elements: The intricate mystery elements that keep viewers guessing and engaged throughout the film.

Comparable Scripts:

  • Reservoir Dogs
  • The Usual Suspects
  • Pulp Fiction
  • The Departed
  • The Wire
  • Breaking Bad
  • The Godfather
  • Goodfellas
  • Scarface
  • The Town

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a consistent style characterized by sharp dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and intricate plotting. The writing effectively creates tension and explores moral dilemmas, often within the context of crime and law enforcement settings.

Style Similarities:

  • Christopher Nolan
  • David Fincher
  • Quentin Tarantino
  • Christopher McQuarrie
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: The screenplay of 'The Usual Suspects' is a compelling narrative with a well-constructed plot and strong character development. Its non-linear storytelling and memorable dialogue make it stand out. While it could benefit from pacing adjustments and clearer motivations for secondary characters, its strengths in structure and character arcs make it a strong candidate for production.


USP: This intricate and captivating screenplay stands out in the crime genre through its unique combination of elements that create a gripping and immersive experience for the audience. The script features a diverse cast of morally complex characters who navigate a dangerous criminal underworld filled with high-stakes choices and unforeseen consequences. The innovative storytelling techniques, including unexpected plot twists, intense confrontations, and psychological mind games, keep the audience on the edge of their seats. This script promises a compelling journey into the depths of crime, morality, and the human psyche, leaving a lasting impression on those who witness its unfolding narrative.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$40-50 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of crime thrillers, mystery, and psychological dramas.

Marketability: Strong ensemble cast, intricate plot twists, and a cult following from fans of the genre.

Unique narrative structure, memorable characters, and a compelling mystery that keeps audiences engaged.

Strong critical acclaim, award-winning performances, and a timeless appeal that attracts both casual viewers and cinephiles.

Profit Potential: High, due to the film's cult status, critical acclaim, and potential for continued interest and sales in various formats.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice in this screenplay is characterized by its crisp dialogue, vivid imagery, and tense atmosphere. The writer employs a distinct narrative style that immerses the reader in the world of the story and keeps them engaged throughout the screenplay.

Best representation: Scene 10 - Releasing Keaton. Scene 10 is the best representative of the author's voice because it showcases all the elements of the writer's style: sharp dialogue, vivid imagery, and a tense atmosphere. The scene is a gripping confrontation between two characters, and the writer's use of language creates a sense of suspense that keeps the reader engaged until the very end.

Memorable Lines:

  • Verbal: The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. (Scene 23)
  • Kovash: Keyser Soze. Keyser Sate. I've seen his face. I see it when I close my eyes. (Scene 17)
  • Kujan: The first thing I learned on the job, know what it was? How to spot a murderer. (Scene 10)
  • Jack Baer: Above all, I want to be sure that Dean Keaton is dead. (Scene 8)
  • Verbal Kint: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. (Scene 34)
Characters

Dean Keaton:A former criminal trying to leave his past behind but gets pulled back into a dangerous heist.

Verbal Kint:A mysterious and unreliable narrator who is revealed to have a deeper connection to the criminal mastermind Keyser Soze.

Keyser Soze:A notorious criminal mastermind who manipulates events from behind the scenes and is feared by all.

David Kujan:A determined detective trying to unravel the mystery behind the heist and Keyser Soze.

Story Shape
Summary Amidst a complex web of lies, betrayal, and mystery, a group of criminals led by Keaton find themselves entangled in a dangerous game orchestrated by the notorious Keyser Soze. As their past crimes catch up with them, tensions rise, alliances are tested, and ultimately, the true mastermind behind it all is revealed. With lives on the line and fates intertwined, the truth unfolds in a gripping tale of deception and vengeance.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot of the screenplay is intricate and engaging, with a strong focus on mystery and suspense. The gradual reveal of Keyser Soze's true identity adds depth to the story and keeps the audience guessing. The character development is well-executed, particularly with characters like Verbal and Keaton, who undergo significant growth and transformation. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, enhancing the tension and drama of the narrative. However, the pacing could be tightened in some areas to maintain momentum and keep the audience fully engaged. Additionally, the resolution of the story could be more satisfying and conclusive, providing a clearer sense of closure for the audience.
Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider streamlining the plot to eliminate any unnecessary subplots or scenes that do not contribute significantly to the main narrative. Focus on enhancing the emotional depth of the characters, particularly in moments of conflict and revelation. Strengthen the resolution of the story by providing a more definitive conclusion that ties up loose ends and leaves the audience with a sense of closure and satisfaction.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of the screenplay sets up the central conflict and introduces the main characters effectively. The tension and stakes are established early on, drawing the audience into the story. The interrogation scenes are particularly compelling, showcasing the dynamic between the characters and hinting at the larger mystery to come. However, the pacing in the beginning could be improved to maintain a more consistent momentum and build anticipation for the unfolding events.
Suggestions: To enhance the beginning of the screenplay, consider tightening the pacing to keep the audience engaged and intrigued. Focus on establishing the central conflict and character motivations more clearly to provide a strong foundation for the rest of the story. Strengthen the dialogue in the interrogation scenes to add depth to the characters and foreshadow the twists and turns to come.
Middle The middle part of the screenplay delves deeper into the characters' motivations and relationships, adding layers to the story. The heist sequences are tense and well-executed, showcasing the characters' skills and vulnerabilities. The introduction of Keyser Soze adds a new level of intrigue and danger to the narrative, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. However, the pacing in the middle could be more consistent to maintain the tension and momentum of the story.
Suggestions: To improve the middle part of the screenplay, consider tightening the pacing to keep the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events. Focus on developing the relationships between the characters and exploring their internal conflicts and motivations in more depth. Strengthen the heist sequences by adding more twists and obstacles to challenge the characters and raise the stakes.
Ending The ending of the screenplay delivers a satisfying resolution to the central mystery while leaving room for interpretation and reflection. The final confrontation between the characters and Keyser Soze is intense and dramatic, providing a fitting climax to the story. The revelation of Verbal's true identity adds a poignant and emotional depth to the narrative. However, the resolution could be more conclusive and impactful, providing a clearer sense of closure for the audience.
Suggestions: To enhance the ending of the screenplay, consider clarifying the resolution of the central mystery and tying up any loose ends to provide a more satisfying conclusion. Focus on the emotional impact of the final confrontation and revelation, allowing the audience to fully engage with the characters' journeys. Strengthen the thematic elements of redemption and betrayal to add depth and resonance to the ending of the story.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Fatal Encounter on the Boat Suspenseful, Dark, Intense, Gritty 9 9 99 8 787989988 89988
2 - Simultaneous Raids Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Tense 8 8 78 9 687989897 79988
3 - The Arrest Professional, Suspenseful, Serious 8 8 88 7 687888986 99899
4 - Police Lineup and Interrogation Intense, Suspenseful, Cynical, Sarcastic 8 8 79 9 789989888 99999
5 - Interrogation Room Confrontation Intense, Sarcastic, Defiant, Aggressive 8 8 79 9 687989888 99888
6 - Interrogation Room Tense, Sarcastic, Confrontational, Humorous 8 8 79 9 687988877 99888
7 - Aftermath of the San Pedro Ship Fire Suspenseful, Intense, Confrontational 8 8 79 9 787988877 89888
8 - Verbal's Immunity and Mysterious Condition Intense, Suspenseful, Serious 8 8 89 7 687888987 99888
9 - Arkosh Kovash's Urgent Plea Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 9 99 8 787989988 99988
10 - Verbal's Interrogation Suspenseful, Intense, Confrontational, Sarcastic 8 8 79 9 687887887 99888
11 - Releasing Keaton Tense, Dramatic, Emotional, Suspenseful 8 8 89 8 787989978 79888
12 - The Proposition Tense, Confrontational, Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional 9 9 99 9 889989989 99888
13 - Ambush at Kennedy Airport Suspense, Tension, Action 9 9 99 8 787989988 99988
14 - The Heist's Aftermath Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense, Dark 8 8 89 9 889989897 89988
15 - Verbal's Plea for Keaton Suspenseful, Intense, Confrontational, Dark 8 8 78 9 787888877 99888
16 - Interrogation About Kobayashi Suspenseful, Intense, Confrontational, Dramatic 9 8 98 9 787989988 99888
17 - Confrontation in the Hospital Room Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense 8 8 89 7 787989988 79888
18 - Parking Lot Job Offer Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Mysterious 8 8 88 8 787879977 99888
19 - Parking Garage Ambush Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Action-packed 9 8 99 8 789989988 89999
20 - Confrontation and Standoff Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Mysterious 8 8 89 7 687989987 89888
21 - Unexpected Revelations Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious 9 9 89 8 787979988 79888
22 - Kobayashi's Revelation Suspenseful, Intense, Serious 9 9 99 8 7899810987 89999
23 - Keyser Soze's Tragic Past Intense, Dark, Suspenseful, Gritty 9 9 89 8 798889889 79888
24 - Unveiling Truths and Sketching Suspicions Defiant, Confrontational, Suspenseful 9 8 99 9 787989988 89888
25 - Deserted Beach Burial Tense, Dark, Intense, Emotional 8 8 89 9 887989889 89888
26 - Confrontation on the 40th Floor Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Dramatic 9 9 89 9 889989988 89888
27 - Koba's Lobby Showdown Tense, Suspenseful, Menacing, Resigned 8 8 79 8 787989888 79888
28 - The Boathouse Confrontation Intense, Suspenseful, Action-packed, Emotional 9 8 99 8 889989989 79988
29 - Chaos and Brutality on the Dock Intense, Suspenseful, Dark 9 8 99 9 8879810988 89988
30 - Confrontation on the Ship Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic, Tense 9 8 99 8 787989978 99888
31 - Verbal's Encounter with the Thin Man Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense 9 8 99 8 887989989 89888
32 - The Revelation of Keyser Soze Intense, Suspenseful, Revealing, Emotional 9 9 89 9 9989899810 99888
33 - The Puzzle Pieces Fall into Place Suspenseful, Intense, Revealing, Shocking 9 9 89 9 887989999 89888
34 - Verbal's Escape Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Dark 9 9 88 8 889989989 79999


Scene 1 - Fatal Encounter on the Boat
THE USUAL SUSPECTS

by

Christopher McQuarrie




FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY




Revised, 05/25/94
White Revised, 06/01/94
Blue Revised, 06/07/94
Pink Revised, 06/11/94




Converted to PDF by ScreenTalkâ„¢ Online
http://www.screentalk.org
1 BLACK 1

The lonely sound of a buoy bell in the distance. Water
slapping against a smooth, flat surface in rhythm. The
creaking of wood.

Off in the very far distance, one can make out the sound of
sirens.

SUDDENLY, a single match ignites and invades the darkness. It
quivers for a moment. A dimly lit hand brings the rest of the
pack to the match. A plume of yellow-white flame flares and
illuminates the battered face of DEAN KEATON, age forty. His
salty-gray hair is wet and matted. His face drips with water
or sweat. A large cut runs the length of his face from the
corner of his eye to his chin. It bleeds freely. An unlit
cigarette hangs in the corner of his mouth.

In the half-light we can make out that he is on the deck of a
large boat. A yacht, perhaps, or a small freighter. He sits
with his back against the front bulkhead of the wheel house.
His legs are twisted at odd, almost impossible angles. He
looks down.

A thin trail of liquid runs past his feet and off into the
darkness. Keaton lights the cigarette on the burning pack of
matches before throwing them into the liquid.

The liquid IGNITES with a poof.

The flame runs up the stream, gaining in speed and intensity.
It begins to ripple and rumble as it runs down the deck
towards the stern.

2 EXT. BOAT - NIGHT - STERN 2

A stack of oil drums rests on the stern. They are stacked on
a palette with ropes at each corner that attach it to a huge
crane on the dock. One of the barrels has been punctured at
it's base. Gasoline trickles freely from the hole. The flame
is racing now towards the barrels. Keaton smiles weakly to
himself.
2.

The flame is within a few yards of the barrels when another
stream of liquid splashes onto the gas.

The flame fizzles out pitifully with a hiss. Two feet
straddle the flame. A stream of urine flows onto the deck
from between them.

BLUE 06/01/94

The sound of a fly zipping. Follow the feet as they move over
to where Keaton rests at the wheel house.

CRANE UP to the waist of the unknown man. He pulls a pack of
cigarettes out of one pocket and a strange antique lighter
from the other. It is gold, with a clasp that folds down over
the flint. The man flicks up the clasp with his thumb and
strikes it with his index finger. It is a fluid motion,
somewhat showy.

Keaton looks up at the man. A look of realization crosses his
face. It is followed by frustration, anger, and finally
resignation.

VOICE (O.S.)
How are you, Keaton?

KEATON
I'd have to say my spine was broken,
Keyser.

He spits the name out like it was poison.

The man puts the lighter back in his pocket and reaches under
his jacket. He produces a stainless .38 revolver.

VOICE (O.S.)
Ready?

KEATON
What time is it?

The hand with the gun turns over, turning the gold watch on
its wrist upward.
3.

The sound of sirens is closer now. Headed this way.

VOICE (O.S.)
Twelve thirty.

Keaton grimaces bitterly and nods. He turns his head away and
takes another drag. The hand with the gun waits long enough
for Keaton to enjoy his last drag before pulling the trigger.

GUNSHOT

The sound of Keaton's body slumping onto the deck.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MOVE OUT ACROSS THE DECK. Below is the stream of gasoline
still flowing freely. The sound of the gasoline igniting.

The flame runs in front of us towards the barrels, finally
leaping up in a circle around the drums, burning the wood of
the pallet and licking the spouting stream as it pours from
the hole.

MOVE OUT ACROSS THE DOCK, away from the boat.

The pier to which the boat is moored is littered with DEAD
BODIES. Twenty or more men have been shot to pieces and lie
scattered everywhere in what can only be the aftermath of a
fierce fire-fight.

A BARGE COMES INTO VIEW.

On the deck of the barge is a tangle of cables and girders.
The mesh of steel and rubber leaves a dark and open cocoon
beneath its base.

MOVE INTO THE DARKNESS.

Sirens are close now. Almost here. The sound of fire raging
out of control.

SIRENS BLARING. TIRES SQUEALING. CAR DOORS OPENING. FEET
POUNDING THE PAVEMENT.
4.

MOVE FURTHER, SLOWER, INTO THE DARKNESS

Voices yelling. New light flickering in the surrounding
darkness.

SUDDENLY, AN EXPLOSION.

Then silence. TOTAL BLACKNESS.

We hear the voice of ROGER "VERBAL" KINT, whom we will soon
meet.

VERBAL (V.O.)
New York. - six weeks ago. A truck loaded
with stripped gun parts got jacked
outside of Queens. The driver didn't see
anybody, but somebody fucked up. He heard
a voice. Sometimes, that's all you need.

YELLOW 06/11/94

BOOM
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Injured and isolated, Dean Keaton sets a deadly trap by igniting a gasoline trail leading to oil barrels. Keyser's arrival sparks a confrontation, resulting in Keaton's demise and a fiery explosion, plunging the scene into darkness.
Strengths
  • Effective use of visuals and sound to create tension
  • Strong introduction of key characters
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions between characters
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the scene may be too dark or intense for all audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets the tone for the rest of the screenplay, establishing a dark and suspenseful atmosphere. The use of visuals and sound creates a sense of tension and intrigue, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a mysterious boat scene with a deadly confrontation sets up the central conflict of the story and introduces key characters. The use of fire and gasoline as elements of danger adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds smoothly, introducing the audience to the central conflict and setting up the mystery surrounding the characters. The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and escalating the tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre, blending elements of mystery, suspense, and moral ambiguity to create a compelling and unpredictable narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Dean Keaton and Keyser are introduced effectively, with their interactions revealing tension and conflict. Their actions and dialogue provide insight into their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Keaton undergoes a significant change in the scene, from defiance to resignation in the face of death. His character arc is established through his actions and dialogue, revealing his inner turmoil and conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

Keaton's internal goal in this scene is likely survival or escape. His actions and dialogue suggest a sense of resignation and acceptance of his fate.

External Goal: 7

Keaton's external goal is to confront or evade the unknown man, Keyser, who presents a threat with a gun.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as Keaton faces his imminent demise and Keyser confronts him with a gun. The tension between the characters and the impending danger create a high level of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Keaton facing a life-threatening situation and a morally ambiguous antagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Keaton faces imminent death and Keyser holds his fate in his hands. The danger and suspense create a sense of urgency and importance, raising the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up the central conflict, and escalating the tension. The revelation of the boat explosion and the aftermath hint at larger events to come, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to its unexpected twists, moral ambiguity, and high-stakes conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of betrayal, loyalty, and mortality. Keaton's interaction with Keyser highlights the tension between trust and deception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, as they witness Keaton's desperate situation and the looming threat of Keyser. The emotional impact is heightened by the use of visuals and sound to create a sense of danger.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Keaton and Keyser is tense and impactful, conveying the underlying animosity between the characters. The sparse but meaningful dialogue adds depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful atmosphere, and compelling character dynamics.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting is clear and concise, effectively conveying the action and dialogue in a visually engaging manner.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and suspense through its pacing and use of visual and auditory cues.


Critique
  • The scene sets a dark and intense tone with the use of sound effects like the buoy bell, water slapping, and sirens in the distance.
  • The visual descriptions of Dean Keaton's appearance and actions create a vivid image of his dire situation on the boat.
  • The introduction of Keyser adds tension and mystery to the scene, leading to a dramatic confrontation.
  • The use of symbolism with the gasoline and fire foreshadows the explosive events to come.
  • The aftermath of the fire-fight on the dock adds a sense of chaos and danger to the setting.
  • The transition from the boat to the barge and then into darkness effectively builds suspense and anticipation.
  • The explosion and sudden silence create a jarring and impactful ending to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue or inner thoughts for Dean Keaton to further develop his character and emotions in this critical moment.
  • Explore ways to enhance the interaction between Keaton and Keyser to deepen the tension and reveal more about their relationship.
  • Provide more context or hints about the significance of the gun parts heist and its connection to the characters and events unfolding.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene and enhance the atmosphere.
  • Experiment with different pacing techniques to build suspense and maintain the audience's engagement throughout the scene.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the different locations and events to maintain clarity and coherence in the storytelling.



Scene 2 - Simultaneous Raids
3 INT. DARK APARTMENT - DAY - NEW YORK - SIX WEEKS PRIOR TO 3
PRESENT DAY

The black explodes with the opening of a door into a dark
room. Outside, the hall is filled with blinding white light.
Shadows in the shapes of men flood into the room. We can make
out men in hoods with flashlights. They are laden with
weapons.

VOICES
POLICE. SEARCH WARRANT. DON'T MOVE.

It is a blur of violent action and sound.'Beams of
flashlights cut the darkness in all directions.

FINALLY:

A dozen flashlights land on one man. He lies naked in bed,
Merging from a deep sleep. He squints at the flood of
blinding white light, more annoyed than frightened.
5.
He nearly laughs at the sound of countless guns cocking. He
is McMANUS. Age twenty-eight.

VOICE (O.S.)
Mr. McManus?

MCMANUS
Yeah.

VOICE (O.S.)
Police. We have a warrant for your
arrest.

McMANUS Will they be serving coffee downtown? Two dozen black
gloved hands grab him and yank him out of bed.

4 INT. AUTO BODY SHOP - DAY 4

An old paint mixer vibrates furiously. TODD HOCKNEY, a dark,
portly man in his thirties is working on an old Fire-bird.

A YOUNG HISPANIC KID mixes paint a few feet away. SUDDENLY,
the garage door opens TO REVEAL:

YELLOW 06/11/94

A row of five men silhouetted by the bright sun. Hockney
squints.

YELLOW 06/11/94

HOCKNEY
Can I help you?

Hockney's voice is gruff.

MAN
Todd Hockney'

Hockney reaches for something just inside the door of the
Fire-bird.

HOCKNEY
Who are you?
6.

All six men INSTANTLY PRODUCE GUNS and aim them at Hockney.

MAN
Police.

Hockney withdraws a filthy towel and wipes grease and sweat
from his forehead.

HOCKNEY
We don't do gun repair.

5 EXT. STREET - NEW YORK - DAY 5

FRED FENSTER, a tall, thin man in his thirties strolls
casually down the street. He is dressed conspicuously in a
loud suit and tie with shoes that have no hope of matching.
He smokes a cigarette and chews gum at the same time.

He happens to glance over his shoulder and notice a brown
Ford sedan with four men in it cruising along the curb. He
picks up his step a little. The Ford keeps up.

He looks ahead at the corner. He tries to look as comfortable
as he can, checking his watch as though remembering an
appointment he is late for. The Ford stays right on him.
SUDDENLY, he bolts. He gets no more than a few yards before
cars pour out of every conceivable nook and cranny. Brakes
are squealing, radios squawking, guns cocking. Fenster is
surrounded instantly. He stops short and flaps his hands on
his thighs in defeat.

6 INT. MONDINO'S RESTAURANT - DAY 6

An attractive man and woman walk quickly through the front of
a small New York cafe. They are charged with nervous, excited
energy.

YELLOW 06/11/94

The man is DEAN KEATON, a well dressed, sturdy looking man in
his forties with slightly graying hair. He looks much better
than he did in the opening scene.
7.
The woman with him is EDIE FINNERAN, age thirty-three, poised
and attractive - Easily the calmer of the two.

BLUE 06/01/94

They come to a staircase at the back of the restaurant
leading down to a dark room. Edie takes Keaton's arm and
stops him.

EDIE
Let me look at you.

Keaton is uncomfortable in his suit, or perhaps the
situation. Still, he smiles with genuine warmth. Edie
straightens his tie and picks microscopic imperfections from
his lapel.

EDIE
Now remember, this is another kind of
business. They don't earn your respect.
You owe it to them. Don't stare them down
but don't look away either. Confidence.
They are fools not to trust you. That's
the attitude.

KEATON
I'm having a stroke.

EDIE
You've come far. You're a good man. I
love you.

Keaton blinks then stammers, looking for a response. PAUSE

EDIE
Live with it.

She kisses him and runs down the steps with Keaton close
behind. Keaton playfully grabs her ass and she nearly
stumbles down the stairs.
8.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a flurry of action, McManus is arrested at his apartment, Hockney is confronted at his auto body shop, and Fenster is chased down on the street. Meanwhile, Keaton and Finneran prepare for a rendezvous.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character growth
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone and introduces key characters while maintaining a high level of tension and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of undercover arrests and criminal activities is engaging and well-executed, drawing the audience into the world of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by showing the arrests of the characters, hinting at their involvement in a larger criminal scheme.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar trope of a police raid, focusing on the internal and external goals of the protagonist while also exploring philosophical conflicts and character dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their relationships add depth to the scene, making them intriguing and multi-dimensional.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle hints of character development, the focus is more on establishing the characters' roles and relationships in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

McManus's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and not show fear or vulnerability in the face of the police raid. This reflects his desire to appear strong and in control, despite the dangerous circumstances.

External Goal: 7

McManus's external goal is to avoid being arrested and navigate the situation with the police raid. He wants to handle the situation smoothly and potentially escape any legal consequences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The high-stakes arrests and the underlying tension between the characters create a palpable sense of conflict throughout the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the police representing a formidable obstacle for the protagonist to overcome, creating a sense of danger and conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the arrests and the implications for the characters involved raise the tension and suspense of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters and setting up the central conflict, laying the groundwork for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and unexpected events that unfold, such as the police raid and the protagonist's reactions, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between authority and individual freedom. The police represent authority and control, while McManus represents individual autonomy and resistance to being detained.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions from anxiety to affection, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and reveals the dynamics between the characters, enhancing the tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, dynamic character interactions, and unpredictable plot developments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through the progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition between the different locations and characters, making it feel disjointed and confusing for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, with characters speaking in a cliched and unrealistic manner.
  • The action sequences are described in a rushed and chaotic way, making it difficult for the reader to visualize and follow the events.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in the scene, with interactions feeling superficial and lacking authenticity.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, with the actions of the characters feeling random and disconnected.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive details to set the scene and establish the mood effectively.
  • Work on developing more natural and engaging dialogue that reveals character traits and motivations.
  • Focus on creating a coherent and engaging narrative flow by connecting the different elements of the scene more effectively.
  • Explore the emotional depth of the characters and their relationships to create more compelling interactions.
  • Clarify the goals and conflicts of the characters to give the scene a sense of purpose and direction.



Scene 3 - The Arrest
7 INT. RESTAURANT - DOWNSTAIRS 7

They come to the bottom of the steps giggling and jabbing
each other. Once off the stairs they instantly transform as
though hit with cold air. They assume a cool, professional
exterior and walk two feet apart. One would look at them and
see only two business associates here to ply their trade.

They walk across the dimly lit dining room to a table in the
far corner where two men are already waiting. The first is
MR. FORTIER, age thirty-five, the other is MR. RENAULT, age
sixty. Both men are impeccably dressed with a distinguished
air. They stand and smile.

YELLOW 06/11/94

FORTIER
Edie, nice to see you.

EDIE
Sorry we're late.

FORTIER
Nonsense. Sit, please.

RENAULT
(struggling with English)
You must be Mr. Keaton.

EDIE
I'm sorry. Dean Keaton Renault's hand is
already out.

RENAULT
Monsieur Renault. A pleasure.

KEATON
How do you do?

They shake hands. Keaton takes Fortier's hand next.
9.

FORTIER
Monsieur Fortier. So nice to finally meet
you.

Everyone sits at the table. All faces are smiling.

LOW ANGLE: UNDER TABLE

Edie's hand reaches out and finds Keaton's leg. Her hand runs
high up his inner thigh and squeezes firmly. Her face is
absolutely calm, giving no hint of what her hand is doing.
Keaton smiles and clears his throat.

8 INT. MONDINO'S RESTAURANT 8

Follow a waiter past the flight of steps.

PAN DOWN TO REVEAL:

Five sets of feet arriving at the bottom. The feet in the
middle wear shoes notably nicer than the rest.

YELLOW 06/11/94

PAN UP TO REVEAL:

SPECIAL AGENT DAVID KUJAN (Pronounced Koo-yahn), U.S.
CUSTOMS. Thirtyish, dark-haired and determined.

9 SCENE DELETED 9

PINK 06/07/94

10 INT. RESTAURANT - DOWNSTAIRS 10

FORTIER
Edie brought us your proposal and I'll be
honest. We're very impressed. A bit
skeptical, I must admit, but impressed.

KEATON
Skeptical.
10.

RENAULT
We find the concept brilliant, but New
York is difficult for new restaurants.
How can we be certain that our money will
be returned in the long run?

Keaton looks at Edie and smiles confidently.

KEATON
It's simple gentlemen, design
versatility. A restaurant that can change
with taste without losing the overall
aesthetic. Our atmosphere won't be
painted on the walls.

FORTIER
This was the part of the proposal that
intrigued us, but I'm not sure I follow.

KEATON
Let's say for example -

VOICE (O.S.)
This I had to see myself.

Keaton looks up. He sees David Kujan. Behind him are the very
serious looking guys in suits. Keaton is not happy to see
them.

KEATON
Dave. I'm in a meeting.

KUJAN
Time for another one.

KEATON
This is my attorney, Edie Finneran.
(gesturing)
11.

BLUE 06/01/94

KEATON
This is Mr. Renault and Mr. Fortier.
Everyone, this is David Kujan.

KUJAN
Special Agent Kujan. U.S. Customs.
(Gestures to men behind him)
These gentlemen are with the New York
police department. You look great,
Keaton. Better than I would have thought.

RENAULT
Is there a problem, Mr. Keaton?

KUJAN
The small matter of a stolen truck-load
of guns that wound up on a boat to
Ireland last night.

Renault and Fortier's confusion is giving way to suspicion.

FORTIER
Mr. Keaton?

KEATON
If you will excuse us for a moment,
gentlemen.

KUJAN
We need to ask you some questions
downtown. You'll be quite awhile.

Renault starts to get up.

RENAULT
We should leave you to discuss whatever
this is.

KEATON
Please. Sit.
12.

Keaton stands up and throws a wad of money on the table to
cover the check. He looks at Edie. She moves to stand, but he
sits her back down with a hand on her shoulder.

KEATON
Enjoy the meal.
(To Edie)
I'LL call you.

Kujan takes him by the arm, but Keaton yanks away.

YELLOW 06/11/94

He looks out over the dozens of other faces in the
restaurant. Everyone is looking at him with some level of
surprise. If Keaton is humiliated by the whole affair, he
hides it well.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Keaton and Edie meet with two businessmen to discuss a deal. Their meeting is interrupted when Special Agent Kujan arrives to arrest Keaton for his involvement with a stolen truckload of guns. Keaton denies the charges, but Kujan takes him into custody. Before leaving, Keaton gives Edie money to cover the bill and promises to call her.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Unexpected twist with law enforcement
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends elements of business negotiation with a sudden twist involving law enforcement, creating a sense of intrigue and tension. The dialogue is engaging and moves the plot forward, while the introduction of the Special Agent adds depth to the conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a business meeting interrupted by law enforcement is unique and adds an unexpected twist to the scene. The blending of professional interactions with criminal elements creates a compelling narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as the introduction of the Special Agent and the revelation of the stolen truck-load of guns raise the stakes for the characters. The conflict is heightened, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a restaurant meeting but adds a twist with the unexpected arrival of Special Agent Kujan. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension and suspense of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Keaton's confident demeanor and Edie's subtle actions add depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the Special Agent and the revelation of the stolen guns set the stage for potential transformations in the characters' motivations and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and hide his true emotions, despite the unexpected arrival of Special Agent Kujan and the potential threat to his business dealings.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the situation with Special Agent Kujan and protect his business interests from potential exposure or harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, as the characters are faced with the unexpected intrusion of law enforcement and the revelation of their criminal activities. Tensions rise as the stakes become clearer.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the arrival of Special Agent Kujan posing a significant threat to the protagonist's goals and forcing him to confront difficult decisions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters are confronted with the consequences of their criminal activities and face the threat of law enforcement intervention. The tension and suspense are heightened by the presence of the Special Agent.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. The revelation of the stolen guns adds complexity to the plot and sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden arrival of Special Agent Kujan and the escalating tension between the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's loyalty to his business associates and his own self-preservation. He must balance his desire to maintain his professional facade with the need to address the serious accusations brought against him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact, as the characters' reactions to the unexpected turn of events are subtly portrayed. The tension and suspense create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and serves to move the plot forward. It effectively conveys the tension and dynamics between the characters, especially during the unexpected intrusion by the Special Agent.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, the dynamic interactions between characters, and the unexpected plot developments. The reader is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict leading to a dramatic climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions adds to the intensity of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting. The use of visual cues and character actions enhances the reader's understanding of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a dramatic confrontation. The pacing and formatting are effective in conveying the mood and atmosphere of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a strong setup of Keaton and Edie meeting with Mr. Fortier and Mr. Renault to discuss a business proposal, creating a sense of professionalism and intrigue.
  • The tension builds effectively as Keaton confidently presents the concept of the restaurant, but is interrupted by the unexpected arrival of Special Agent David Kujan and the police, adding a layer of conflict and suspense.
  • The dialogue is engaging and reveals the skepticism of Fortier and Renault, as well as Keaton's attempt to maintain composure in the face of the authorities' intrusion.
  • The scene effectively conveys Keaton's discomfort and the shift in power dynamics as Kujan asserts his authority and informs Keaton of the stolen truck-load of guns, leading to Keaton's arrest.
  • The visual elements, such as the under-the-table interaction between Edie and Keaton, add depth to the scene and enhance the tension.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Keaton's defiant gesture of throwing money on the table to cover the check and his promise to call Edie, leaving the audience with a sense of unresolved conflict and anticipation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Keaton to showcase his inner turmoil and decision-making process in the face of adversity.
  • Explore deeper into the relationship dynamics between Keaton, Edie, and the other characters to add layers of complexity and emotional depth to the scene.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more subtle cues and gestures to convey the characters' emotions and intentions.
  • Consider adding a subtle foreshadowing or hint towards the upcoming events to build anticipation and intrigue for the audience.
  • Work on tightening the pacing of the scene to maintain the tension and keep the audience engaged throughout.



Scene 4 - Police Lineup and Interrogation
11 INT. LOCK-UP HALLWAY - NIGHT 11

A police officer steps into the frame and opens the steel
door.

FOLLOW A PAIR OF FEET as they shuffle across the cement
floor. The shoes are shabby and worn, as are the wrinkled
pants that hang too low and loose at the cuffs. The right
foot is turned slightly inward and falls with a hard limp. It
is clear that the knee does not extend fully.

The sound of a steel door opening. The bottom corner of a
steel cage comes into view. Another set of feet falls into
step with the first. Another steel door and another set of
feet. Another door, another and another. Five pairs of feet
walk single file down the hall.

The lame feet are in the front of the line. They come to
another steel door, this one solid and covered with dents and
rivets.

CRANE UP TO REVEAL:

ROGER KINT, VERBAL to his few friends. He has a deeply lined
face, making his thirty-odd years a good guess at best.
13.
From his twisted left hand, we can see that he suffers from a
slight but not debilitating palsy. Behind him are Dean
Keaton, Fred Fenster, McManus and Todd Hockney.

Verbal steps through the door, followed by the rest.

VERBAL (V.O.)
It didn't make sense that I be there. I
mean these guys were hard-core hijackers,
but there I was. At that point, I wasn't
scared, f knew I hadn't done anything
they could do me for. Besides, it was
fun. I got to make like I was notorious.

12 INT. LINE-UP ROOM 12

The five men are ushered into the room in front of a white
wall painted with horizontal blue stripes. Each has a number
at either end to denote the height of the man in front of it.
Between these lines are thinner blue lines to tell the
specific height in inches.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Bright lights shine on all of them. They squint, eyes
adjusting.

Keaton leans forward a bit and looks at the men in line with
him. He shares a look of familiarity with Fenster and then
McManus. Hockney smiles at all of them.

MCMANUS
(To Keaton) )
Where you been, man?

VOICE (O.S.)
SHUT UP IN THERE. Alright, you all know
the drill. When your number is called,
step forward and repeat the phrase you've
been given. Understand?

The men all nod.
14.

VOICE (O.S.)
Number one. Step forward. Hockney takes a
step forward.

He looks directly into a mirror on the other side of the
room. It is three feet square and we can make out faint light
behind it. It is a two-way. He speaks in a complete dead-pan.

HOCKNEY
Hand-me-the-keys, you-fucking-cock-
sucker.

VOICE (O.S.)
Number two. Step forward.

McManus steps up and makes a gun with his thumb and
forefinger. He mocks criminal intensity, pointing at the
mirror. He camps up his line.

MCMANUS
Give me the keys, you motherfucking,
cocksucking pile of shit, or I'll rip off
your

VOICE (O.S.)
KNOCK IT OFF. Get back in line.

McManus steps back.

The rest of the men do their bit as Verbal speaks.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
It was bullshit. The whole rap was a
setup. Everything is the cops' fault. You
don't put guys like that in a room
together. Who knows what can happen?

13 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT 13

McManus sits in a chair in front of a white wall. He smiles
at someone off-screen.
15.

OVERLAPPED:

MCMANUS
This has to be embarrassing for you guys,
huh? I mean you know and I know this is a
load of shit, but at least I don't have a
captain with his dick in my ass making me
play along. That has got to suck.

VOICE (O.S.)
Are you done?

MCMANUS
Do you work for a broad? That would have
to be the worst.

VOICE (0.S.)
Are you done?

MCMANUS
Still, I guess dignity is a small pries
to pay for medical and a pension. A small
pension, mind you, but a pension
nonetheless.

VERBAL (V.O.)
They drilled us all night. Somebody was
pissed about that truck getting knocked
off and the cops had nothing. They were
hoping somebody would slip. Give them
something to go on. They knew we wouldn't
fight it because they knew how to lean on
us. They'd been doing it forever. Our
rights went right out the window. It was
a violation. I mean disgraceful.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
They went after McManus first. He was a
good guy. Crazy though. A top notch entry
man.
16.

VOICE (O.S.)
So where'd you dump the truck?

MCMANUS
What truck?

VOICE (O.S.)
The truck with the guns, fucko.

MCMANUS
You kill me, you really do. Where's my
phone call?

VOICE (O.S.)
Right here. Suck it out.

MCMANUS
Clever guy.

VOICE (O.S.)
You want to know what your buddy Fenster
told us?

BLUE 06/01/94

MCMANUS
Do I look stupid enough to fall for that?
Jesus Christ. Beat me if you gotta, but
no more of the candy-land tactics, man.

VOICE (O.S.)
WHERE'S THE FUCKING TRUCK?
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense police station, five suspects are escorted into a lineup for identification. They declare their innocence and one suspects a setup. The police interrogate McManus, who mocks them, escalating the tension and highlighting the power imbalance between the suspects and the authorities.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched lines
  • Lack of visual variety in the setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through sharp dialogue and the high-stakes situation. The characters' defiance and resignation add depth to the scene, making it engaging and intense.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the aftermath of a heist and the characters being interrogated by the police, is well-executed. The tension and suspense are effectively conveyed, keeping the audience engaged.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the interrogation of the characters involved in the heist, adding depth to their motivations and relationships. The conflict between the characters and the police drives the scene forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the interrogation process, with unique character dynamics and a focus on internal conflict. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each displaying unique traits and personalities. Their interactions with each other and the police reveal their defiance and resignation, adding complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their demeanor and attitudes throughout the scene, revealing more about their personalities and motivations. The interrogation process forces them to confront their actions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his composure and assert his innocence despite being in a high-pressure situation. This reflects his need for self-preservation and desire to appear strong and confident.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the interrogation process and avoid incriminating himself or his associates. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing law enforcement and maintaining his innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters and the police, as well as the internal conflicts within the characters themselves, creates a high level of tension and suspense in the scene. The stakes are raised as the interrogation progresses.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with law enforcement challenging the protagonist's innocence and pushing him to reveal information. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face interrogation and potential consequences for their actions. The tension and suspense are heightened by the characters' defiance and the looming threat of betrayal.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters' involvement in the heist and setting up future conflicts and developments. The interrogation process adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the unexpected revelations during the interrogation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the characters' true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in his innocence and the law enforcement's assumption of guilt. This challenges his worldview and values of justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to defiance and resignation. The characters' emotional responses to the interrogation add depth to the scene and engage the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, intense, and filled with tension. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, driving the conflict forward and keeping the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and high stakes for the characters. The interrogation process adds tension and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions that maintain the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with a clear progression of events and a focus on character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up the lineup process with the introduction of the characters and their interactions.
  • The dialogue between the characters in the lineup room adds depth to their personalities and hints at their criminal backgrounds.
  • The use of voice-over narration by Verbal provides insight into the characters' thoughts and feelings, enhancing the storytelling.
  • The tension and conflict between the characters and the police officers are well portrayed, adding to the suspense of the scene.
  • The visual descriptions of the setting and the characters' actions help create a vivid picture of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physical descriptions or actions to differentiate the characters further and enhance their individual personalities.
  • Explore deeper into the emotions and motivations of the characters during the lineup process to add more layers to the scene.
  • Introduce more subtext or hidden agendas in the dialogue to create intrigue and suspense among the characters.
  • Experiment with different camera angles or lighting techniques to visually enhance the tension and drama of the scene.
  • Consider incorporating more non-verbal cues or gestures to convey the characters' emotions and reactions effectively.



Scene 5 - Interrogation Room Confrontation
14 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 14

Now Fenster is in the seat. He sweats profusely.

FENSTER
I want to call my lawyer. I don;'t know
about any truck. I was in Connecticut all
night on Friday.

VOICE (O.S.)
That's not what McManus said.
17.

OVERLAPPED:

FENSTER
Who?

VOICE (0.8.)
McManus. Be told us another story
altogether.

FENSTER
Was it the one about the hooker with
dysentery I swear , she never mentioned
money until I came.

VOICE (O.S.)
Be fold us about the truck.

FENSTER
To be honest, it was more like a
mobile home. She made a lot of money.

VOICE (O.S.)
Who took the guns off your hands?

FENSTER
Hey, are we talking about the same thing?

VOICE (O.S.)
I'm losing my patience.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
Fenster always worked with McManus. He
was a real tight-ass, but when it came to
the job, he was right on. Smart guy. A
gopher. Got whatever you needed for next
to nothing.

FENSTER
You guys got nothing on me. Where's your
probable cause?
18.

VOICE (O.S.)
You're a known hijacker. You're sweating
like a guilty motherfucker. That's my
p.c. Save us the time. Tell us where the
truck is.

Fenster knocks on the table.

FENSTER
HELLO? Can you hear me in the back? P.C.

He looks under his chair.

FENSTER
Where is it? I'm lookin'. It's not
happening. What's going on with that? I
want -

BLUE 06/01/94

15 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 15

Hockney's turn in the chair. He laughs it all off.

HOCKNEY
- my lawyer. I'll have your badge,
cocksucker.

OVERLAPPED:

HOCKNEY
I know you. You don't think I know you're
on the take. This whole fucking precinct
is dirty. You don't have a fucking leg to
stand on.

VERBAL (V.O.)
Hockney was just a bad bastard. Good with
explosives. Mean as a snake when it
mattered.
19.

VOICE (O.S.)
You think so, tough guy? I can put you in
Queens the day of the hijacking.

HOCKNEY
I live in Queens. What the fuck is this?
You come into my store and lock me up in
front of my customers. What the hell is
wrong with this country? Are you guys
gonna charge me or what?

VOICE (O.S.)
You know what happens if you do another
turn in the joint?

HOCKNEY
I'll fuck your father in the shower.
Charge me, dick-head.

16 INT. INTERROGATION ROOM 16

Now Keaton sits in the chair, cool and indifferent.

VERBAL (V.O.)
Keaton was the real prize for them, for
obvious reasons.

VOICE (O.S.)
I'll charge you when I'm ready.

BLUE 06/01/94

KEATON
With what?

VOICE (O.S.)
You know damn well, dead-man.

KEATON
Hey, that was your mistake, not mine. Did
you ever think to ask me? I've been
20.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
walking around with the same face, same
name - I'm a businessman, fellas.

VOICE (O.S.)
What's that? The restaurant business? Not
anymore From now on you're in the getting-
fucked-by-us business . I'm gonna make
you famous, cocksucker. Keaton shows just
a flicker of contempt. The threat has hit
home.

KEATON
Like I said. It was all your mistake.
Charge me with it and I'll beat it. Let's
get back to the truck.

A FIST flies into the frame and connects with Keaton's jaw.
His head snaps back, blood flowing freely from his mouth.

17 DELETED 17
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In an intense interrogation, Fenster initially denies involvement but later reveals partial information. Hockney remains defiant, while Keaton maintains his innocence and business acumen. Amidst the interrogation, Keaton is physically assaulted, leaving the outcome unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Tension and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of significant plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging and gripping, with intense interrogations and sharp dialogue that keeps the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of suspects being interrogated by the police in a high-stakes situation is executed effectively, creating a tense and dramatic atmosphere.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the suspects are questioned about their involvement in criminal activities, adding depth to the story and building suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the interrogation room setting, with unique character dynamics and dialogue that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own distinct personalities and attitudes towards the interrogation, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations during the interrogations provide insights into the suspects' personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain their innocence and protect themselves from incriminating evidence. This reflects their fear of being caught and their desire to avoid punishment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to resist the pressure from the interrogator and maintain their composure. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing interrogation and potential consequences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the suspects and the police is intense and palpable, driving the scene forward and keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and conflicting motivations.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the interrogation, with the suspects facing serious consequences for their actions, heighten the tension and drama of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the suspects' involvement in criminal activities, setting up future developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' shifting motivations and the unexpected turns in the interrogation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between truth and deception. The characters are trying to manipulate the truth to protect themselves, which challenges their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The intense interrogations and sharp dialogue evoke strong emotions from the audience, creating a sense of tension and suspense.

Dialogue: 9

The sharp and sarcastic dialogue enhances the tension and conflict in the scene, revealing the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and building suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for an interrogation scene, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for an interrogation scene, with clear character introductions and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear progression or development of the characters' motivations and conflicts. It feels disjointed and lacks a cohesive narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth. It doesn't reveal much about the characters or their relationships.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and sensory details to create a more immersive and engaging atmosphere.
  • The transitions between the different suspects being interrogated could be smoother to maintain the audience's interest and clarity.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional impact or tension, which is crucial for a scene set in an interrogation room.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext and layers to the dialogue to reveal the characters' true intentions and conflicts.
  • Work on creating a more dynamic and engaging interrogation process by introducing unexpected twists or revelations.
  • Focus on building up the suspense and tension throughout the scene to keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.
  • Explore the characters' backstories and relationships to add depth and complexity to their interactions during the interrogation.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a clearer narrative arc and character development, leading to a more impactful resolution.



Scene 6 - Interrogation Room
18 INT. CELL BLOCK 18

Keaton is brought in to a holding where he joins Fenster,
Hockney, Verbal and McManus. He sits in a corner and keeps to
himself. Fenster is in mid-tirade.

FENSTER
Somebody should do something. What is
this shit - getting hauled in every five
minutes? Okay, so I did a little time,
does that mean I get railed every time a
truck finds its way off the planet?

McManus is silently staring at Keaton, who sits on a bench,
looking away.

HOCKNEY
These guys got no probable cause.
21.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

FENSTER
You're fuckin' A right, no P.C. Well
screw P.C. No right. No goddamn right.
You do some time, they never let you go.
Treat me like a criminal, I'll end up a
criminal.

HOCKNEY
You are a criminal.

FENSTER
Why you gotta go and do that? I'm trying
to make a point.

KEATON
Then make it. Christ, you're making me
tired all over.

McManus looks at Keaton.

MCMANUS
I heard you were dead, Keaton.

KEATON
You heard right.

HOCKNEY
The word I got is you hung up your spurs,
man. What's that all about?

MCMANUS
What's this?

HOCKNEY
Rumor has it, Keaton's gone straight -
cleaning house. I hear he's tapping Edie
Finneran.

MCMANUS
Who?
22.

HOCKNEY
She's a heavy-weight criminal lawyer from
uptown. Big-time connected. She could
erase Dillinger's record if she tried. I
hear she's Keaton's meal ticket.
(To Keaton)
Is it true?

MCMANUS
What about it, Keaton? You a lawyer's
wife. What sort of "retainer" you giving
her?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Keaton shoots McManus a fiery glare.

FENSTER
I'd say you've gotten on his main and
central nerve, McManus.

KEATON
Do your friend a favor, Fenster, keep him
quiet.

MCMANUS
You're clean, Keaton? Say it ain't so.
Was it you that hit that truck?

FENSTER
Forget him. It's not important. I was
trying to make a point.

KEATON
(Ignoring McManus)
This whole thing was a shakedown.

MCMANUS
What makes you say that?

KEATON
How many times have you been in a line-
up? It's always you and four dummies.
23.
The P.D. pays homeless guys ten bucks a
head half the time. No way they'd line
five felons in the same row. No way. And
what the hell is a voice line-up? A
public defender could get you off of
that.

FENSTER
So why the hell was I hauled in and
cavity searched tonight?

KEATON
It was the Feds. A truck load of guns
gets snagged, Customs comes down on
N.Y.P.D. for some answers - they come up
with us. They're grabbing at straws. It's
politics - nothing you can do.

FENSTER
I had a guy's fingers in my asshole
tonight.

HOCKNEY
Is it Friday already?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

FENSTER
Fuck you. I'11 never shit right again. So
who did it? Own up.

KEATON
I don't want to know.

MCMANUS
Nobody asked you, workin'-man.

HOCKNEY
Fuck who did it. What I want to know is,
who's the gimp?

ALL EYES suddenly turn on Verbal. He has been quietly
listening the whole time without uttering a word.
24.

KEATON
He's alright.

HOCKNEY
How do I know that? How about it, pretzel-
man? What's your story?

KEATON
His name is Verbal Kint. I thought you
guys knew him.

MCMANUS
Verbal?

VERBAL
Roger really. People say I talk too much.

HOCKNEY
Yeah, I was gonna tell you to shut up.

KEATON
We've met once or twice. Last time was
in...

VERBAL
County. I was in for fraud.

KEATON
You were waiting for a line-up then, too.
What happened with that?

VERBAL
I walked. Ninety days, suspended.

YELLOW 06/11/94

HOCKNEY
So you did it?

VERBAL
To your mother's ass.
25.

Verbal looks away from Hockney, awaiting a violent response.
Everyone slowly starts to laugh. Hockney looks as if he is
about to boil in his own skin.

KEATON
(To Hockney)
Let it go.

Verbal smiles at Keaton appreciatively. McManus stands and
walks to the toilet in the corner of the cell. He starts
taking a leak;

MCMANUS
Look, we've all been put out by this, I
figure we owe it to ourselves to salvage
a little dignity. Now Fenster and I got
wind of a possible job -

KEATON
Why don't you just calm down'

HOCKNEY
What do you care what he says?

MCMANUS
Yeah, I'm just talking here, and Hockney
seems to want to hear me out. I know
Fenster is with me -
(to Verbal)
How about you, guy?

McManus finishes pissing.

VERBAL
I'm interested, sure.

MCMANUS
There, so you see, I'm going to exercise
my right to free assembly.

McManus taps the bars of his cell and the others LAUGH.
26.

KEATON
I'm not kidding. Shut your mouth.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MCMANUS
You're missing the point.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
No, you're missing the point. Shut up. I
don't want to hear anything you have to
say. I don't want to know about your
"job". Just don't let me hear you. I want
nothing to do with any of you -
(beat)
I beg your pardon but all of you can go
to hell.

MCMANUS
Dean Keaton, gone the high road. What is
the world coming to?

McManus and Keaton stare at one another for a long and tense
moment. Finally McManus turns to the others.

MCMANUS
Forget him then.
(whispering)
Now I can't talk about this here in any
detail, but listen up...

Everyone but Keaton gravitates toward McManus's cell as he
begins to speak in low, hushed tones.

VERBAL (V.O.)
And that was how it began. The five of us
brought in on a trumped-up charge to be
leaned on by half-wits.
27.
What the cops never figured out, and what
I know now, was that these men would
never break, never lie down, never bend
over for anybody. .. Anybody.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Keaton, arrested and placed in a holding cell, encounters Fenster, Hockney, Verbal, and McManus. Tension arises as Keaton distances himself from McManus's shady dealings. Fenster's anger clashes with Keaton's attempts to calm him, while Hockney harbors suspicion towards Verbal. McManus's opportunism for a job proposal is met with Keaton's disapproval. The scene concludes with McManus and the others whispering about a job, leaving Keaton isolated.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension through the interactions between the characters, revealing their defiance and sarcasm in a high-stakes situation. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, keeping the audience hooked.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a group of criminals brought in for questioning on a false charge is intriguing and sets the stage for conflict and character development. The scene effectively explores themes of loyalty, betrayal, and defiance.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters discuss a possible job, adding layers to their motivations and relationships. The conflict between the characters is palpable, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a group of hardened criminals in a tense situation, exploring themes of loyalty, integrity, and the consequences of a life of crime. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the characters' complex motivations and relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Each character has a distinct voice and contributes to the dynamic of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the characters hint at potential shifts in loyalties and motivations in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Keaton's internal goal is to distance himself from his criminal past and maintain his integrity, despite the pressure from his fellow criminals to get involved in a new job. This reflects his desire to leave his criminal life behind and start fresh.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to avoid getting involved in a new criminal job proposed by McManus. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in resisting the temptation to return to a life of crime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is high, with tensions running high and confrontations escalating. The scene is filled with verbal sparring and power dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations among the characters. Keaton's resistance to getting involved in the job creates a sense of tension and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters face interrogation and potential betrayal. The scene sets up a tense and uncertain future for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a possible job and setting up conflicts and alliances among the characters. It adds layers to the plot and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the unexpected revelations, and the moral ambiguity of their choices. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on crime, loyalty, and integrity. Keaton's refusal to participate in the job highlights his moral stance, while the other characters' willingness to consider it challenges his beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to humor, keeping the audience emotionally engaged. The characters' defiance and sarcasm add depth to their personalities.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' personalities and relationships. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense interactions between the characters, the buildup of tension, and the moral dilemmas they face. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the characters' internal struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a buildup of tension, conflict, and character dynamics. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple characters speaking at once and no central conflict driving the dialogue.
  • The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth, with characters making random comments and not engaging in meaningful interactions.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow and lacks tension, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
  • The character interactions feel forced and unnatural, with little emotional depth or authenticity in their conversations.
  • There is a lack of visual elements or descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or tension that drives the scene and engages the audience.
  • Streamline the dialogue to make it more purposeful and impactful, with each character contributing meaningfully to the conversation.
  • Consider adding visual elements or descriptions to enhance the setting and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Work on improving the pacing of the scene to maintain the audience's interest and create a sense of momentum.
  • Ensure that the character interactions feel authentic and meaningful, with each character's actions and dialogue contributing to the overall story.



Scene 7 - Aftermath of the San Pedro Ship Fire
19 EXT. PIER - DAY - SAN PEDRO - PRESENT DAY 19

It is morning in the aftermath of the opening scene. Harsh
sunlight shines on a line of body bags on the dock.

Police swarm everywhere, photographers are taking pictures of
the scene while a team of men in rolled up sleeves and
plastic gloves pick at the remains.

Two men on a fire boat operate a water cannon, dousing the
smoldering remains of a burned-out ships hull.

Watching this from the edge of the pier is a man in a dark
suit. He is SPECIAL AGENT JACK BAER of the F.B.I. He is tall
and fit, in his late thirties. He gazes out over the water
thoughtfully.

YELLOW 06/11/94

A UNIFORM COP trots up to him.

COP
Who are you?

Baer holds up his badge without looking at the man.

BAER
Agent Jack Baer, F.B.I. How many dead?

Before the cop can answer, Baer turns and walks along the
line of body bags.

COP
Fifteen so far. We're still pulling some
bodies out of the water.

Baer eyes the corpses on the dock, burned beyond recognition.

COP
Looking for anyone in particular?
28.

Baer looks at the cop for the first time, unamused.

BAER
I don't want any of the bodies taken away
until I've had a chance to go over this,
understood?

COP
I have to clear the scene. I've got word
direct from the Chief.

Baer lights a cigarette, only half listening.

BAER
(unimpressed)
Yes, the chief. Spooky stuff. Any
survivors?

COP
Two. There's a guy in county hospital,
but he's in a coma. The D.A. has the
other guy - A cripple - from New York I
think. Listen, the Chief said -

BAER
Excuse me.

Baer walks away from the cop, ignoring him completely. He
wanders through the carnage on the pier.

YELLOW 06/11/94

20 MT. OCEAN 20

A half mile out from the pier.

The sea is choppy, stirred by the wind. An object floats into
view a few feet away, bobbing in the water.

It is A DEAD BODY - a man, face down, wearing a CHECKERED
BATHROBE. He drifts quietly toward the open ocean.
29.

21 INT. HEARING ROOM - DAY - LOS ANGELES PRESENT 21

Verbal Kint sits in a chair in front of a microphone attached
to a tape recorder, his brow beaded with sweat.

On the wall behind him is the seal of the STATE OF
CALIFORNIA.

He is cleaner, better kept, in a well-cut suit and neatly
trimmed hair. He looks older than he did in New York - worn
down.

A flurry of voices banter off screen. Verbal's eyes follow
the voices back and forth.

VOICE #1 (O.S.)
My client offers his full cooperation in
these proceedings. In exchange, his
testimony is to be sealed and all matters
incriminating to himself are to be
rendered inadmissible.

VOICE #2 (O.S.)
The district attorney's office will
comply provided -

VOICE #1
No provisions, nothing. My clients
testimony for his immunity.

VOICE #2
May-I be frank, Counselor? I suspect your
political power as much as I respect it.
I don't know why Mr. Kint has so many
faceless allies in City Hall, and I don't
care. The embarrassment he helped cause
the city of New York will not happen
here.

VOICE #1
Immunity.
30.

YELLOW 06/11/94

VOICE #2
Counselor, I will prosecute your client.

VOICE #1
Then prosecute. I will be very impressed
to see if the District Attorney manages
to bring in twenty-seven simultaneous
counts of murder against one man with
cerebral palsy. I would think a man with
your job would agree with these alleged
"faceless people in City Hall" you
mention.

VOICE #2 1
One would think the counsel is veiling a
threat.

VOICE #1
Counsel isn't veiling anything.

VOICE #2
I'11 take my chances then. I'11 feel
safer without a job if a man like Mr.
Kint is behind bars.

VOICE #1
Mr. Kint will plead guilty to weapons
possession.

VOICE #2
You're joking.

VOICE #1
Weapons. Misdemeanor one.

VOICE #2
Counselor, you're insulting me.

VOICE #1
Counselor, you're bluffing. Shall I push
for misdemeanor two?
31.

Voices mumble off screen. Verbal fidgets in his chair.

VOICE #2
Misdemeanor one. Fine. This is ludicrous.

A tiny smile and a genuine look of disbelief flash across
Verbal's face.

YELLOW 6/11/94

22B

VOICE #2
(clearing throat)
As for the rest of the charges grand
larceny, arson... murder - the district
attorney will accept the subject's
testimony in connection with the above
mentioned events and in exchange will
offer complete immunity. The
transcript... The transcript of said
testimony will be sealed and all matters
incriminating to Mr. Kint will be
rendered inadmissible.

Verbal lets out a long-held sigh of relief.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary FBI agent Jack Baer arrives on a pier in San Pedro to investigate the aftermath of a ship fire. He finds 15 bodies on the dock and learns of two survivors, one in a coma and the other in custody. Baer orders that the bodies not be removed until he has examined them. In a hearing room in Los Angeles, Verbal Kint negotiates immunity for his testimony in exchange for pleading guilty to a misdemeanor weapons charge.
Strengths
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Mystery and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual variety in setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through its dialogue and setting, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more about the characters and their motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of suspects being interrogated after a violent event is a classic crime drama trope, but the scene adds depth by exploring the characters' relationships and conflicting loyalties.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the suspects are questioned and tensions rise, setting the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime investigation genre, with a focus on character dynamics and philosophical conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity, especially in terms of loyalty, betrayal, and hidden agendas.

Character Changes: 7

The characters' loyalties and motivations are tested and revealed through their interactions, hinting at potential changes and developments in their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Special Agent Jack Baer's internal goal in this scene is to investigate the crime scene and gather information about the victims and survivors. This reflects his dedication to his job and his commitment to solving the case.

External Goal: 7

Special Agent Jack Baer's external goal in this scene is to maintain control of the crime scene and ensure that no evidence is tampered with before he has a chance to investigate. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the cop who wants to clear the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the suspects, law enforcement, and their own loyalties creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between Baer and the cop. The uncertainty of how the conflict will be resolved adds to the tension.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the characters' fates, their loyalties, and the unfolding mystery create a sense of urgency and importance in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, tensions, and revelations, setting the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Baer and the cop, as well as the unexpected revelation of the dead body floating in the ocean. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Baer's dedication to solving the case and the cop's need to follow orders and clear the scene. This challenges Baer's values of thorough investigation and justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and unease, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil and conflicting loyalties.

Dialogue: 8

The sharp and confrontational dialogue adds to the tension and suspense of the scene, showcasing the characters' conflicting motivations and loyalties.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and intriguing character dynamics. The conflict between Baer and the cop keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the intensity of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a crime investigation genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime investigation genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and formatting are effective in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the aftermath of the ship fire to a hearing room without a clear connection or smooth transition.
  • The dialogue between the voices in the hearing room is a bit convoluted and hard to follow, making it challenging for the audience to fully grasp the legal proceedings.
  • There is a lack of visual description in the scene, making it difficult to visualize the setting and the characters' actions.
  • Verbal's reaction to the outcome of the hearing is not fully explored or explained, leaving the audience somewhat disconnected from his emotional journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the aftermath of the ship fire and the hearing room to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Simplify the dialogue in the hearing room to make it more accessible and engaging for the audience.
  • Include more visual cues and descriptions to help the audience visualize the setting and the characters' interactions.
  • Expand on Verbal's emotional reaction to the outcome of the hearing to deepen the audience's connection to his character.



Scene 8 - Verbal's Immunity and Mysterious Condition
22 INT. POLICE STATION - HALLWAY - DAY 22

David Kujan is walking quickly beside SERGEANT RABIN, a dark
and weathered looking man in his late thirties. They move up
a staircase into the heart of police headquarters.

KUJAN
What do you mean I can't see him?

RAB IN
The D.A. came down here last night ready
to arraign before they even moved him to
county. Kint's lawyer comes in and five
minutes later, the D.A.
32.
comes out looking like he'd been bitch-
slapped by the boogey man. They took his
statement and cut him a deal.

KUJAN
Did they charge him with anything?

RAB IN
Weapons. Misdemeanor two.

KUJAN
What'the fuck is that?

Rabin motions for Kujan to lower his voice. He points out
that they are walking through a bullpen filled with desks
where a number of other police are working within earshot.

RABIN
I give the D.A. credit for getting that
much to stick. This whole thing has
turned political. The Mayor was here -
the chief - the Governor called this
morning, for Christ's sake. This guy is

YELLOW 06/11/94

RABIN
protected - From up on high by the prince
of fucking darkness.

KUJAN
When does he post bail?

RAB IN
Two hours, tops.

KUJAN
I want to see him.

Rabin comes to an office door with his name on it. He opens
it and lets Kujan in before following.

PINK 06/07/94
33.

23 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 23

RABIN
Dave, please.

Rabin's office can only be described as a disaster area. The
desk is cluttered with weeks, perhaps months or even years of
paperwork that could never conceivably be sorted out.

Above his desk is a bulletin board. It is a breathtaking
catastrophe of papers, wanted posters, rap-sheets, memos and
+ post-its. This is in the neighborhood of decades. Rabin is
a man with a system so cryptic, so far beyond the
comprehension of others, he himself is most likely baffled by
it.

RABIN
Even if I was to let you talk to him, he
won't talk to you. He's paranoid about
being recorded and he knows the
interrogation rooms are wired.

KUJAN
This won't be an' interrogation, just
a... friendly chat to kill time.

RABIN
(enunciating)
He won't go into the interrogation room.

KUJAN
Someplace else, then.

RAB IN
Where?

Kujan looks around Rabin's messy office.

RABIN
No, no, no, no, no.
34.

KUJAN
If it was a dope deal, where's the dope,
if it was a hit, who called it in?

RABIN
And I am sure you have a host of wild
theories to answer these questions.

KUJAN
You know damn well what I think.

YELLOW 06/11/94

RABIN
That's crazy, Dave and it doesn't matter.
He has total immunity and his story
checks out. He doesn't know what you want
to know.

KUJAN
I don't think he does. Not exactly, but
there's a lot more to his story. I want
to know why twenty-seven men died on that
pier for what looks to be ninety-one
million dollars worth of dope that wasn't
there. Above all, I want to be sure that
Dean Keaton is dead.

RABI +N
He's dead.

KUJAN
Two hours. Just until he makes bail.

RABIN
They're all dead. No matter how tough you
r. say this Keaton was, no one on that
boat could've made it out alive.

PINK 06/07/94
35.

24 INT. HOSPITAL - DAY 24

A door marked INTENSIVE CARE. The door BURSTS OPEN. SUDDENLY,
the hallway is a flurry of activity.

DOCTOR LISA PLUMBER, age fifty, walks quickly beside JACK
BAER.

Baer walks with all of the determination of a battalion of
Chinese infantry.

DOCTOR RIDGLY WALTERS, a young intern in his late twenties
rushes up to them.

PLUMBER
Ridgly, this is Special Agent Jack Baer
from the F.B.I. Agent Baer, this is
Doctor Ridgly Waiters.

RIDGLY
Nice to meet you.

BAER
Is he talking?

RIDGLY
He regained consciousness less than an
hour ago. He spoke - not English - then
he lapsed.

BAER
Hungarian?

YELLOW 06/11/94

RIDGLY
I don't

BAER
It was Hungarian. Most of them were
Hungarians. Any fluent Hungarians on your
staff?
36.

RIDGLY
We have a Turkish audiologist. Ridgly
opens a door and Baer barrels through.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Detectives Kujan and Rabin discuss Verbal Kint's immunity and upcoming release. Kujan suspects more to Kint's story, but Rabin refuses to interrogate due to his paranoia. Meanwhile, Special Agent Baer discovers Kint has regained consciousness but is speaking Hungarian, adding further mystery to his case.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Effective investigation setup
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, with a strong focus on dialogue and investigation. The tension and suspense are effectively conveyed, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a crime and interrogating suspects is executed well in this scene. It sets up the mystery and conflict effectively.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the FBI agent tries to uncover the truth behind the crime. The scene sets up important questions and conflicts that drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre with its focus on political corruption, moral ambiguity, and complex character motivations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions drive the scene forward and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations set the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind a mysterious case involving the death of twenty-seven men and missing drugs. This reflects his desire for justice and closure, as well as his need to prove his theories correct.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gain access to a suspect for questioning before he posts bail. This reflects the immediate challenge of time sensitivity and the need to gather information quickly.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal and external. The characters are at odds with each other, and the investigation adds to the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with obstacles and challenges that test the protagonist's determination and resourcefulness. The uncertainty of the suspect's guilt adds to the opposition.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters face potential consequences for their actions and decisions. The investigation could have far-reaching implications.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information and setting up new conflicts and questions for the audience to ponder.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the investigation, the shifting allegiances of the characters, and the moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in the suspect's guilt and the system's protection of him. This challenges his values of truth and justice against the corrupt influences at play.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of concern and determination, drawing the audience into the investigation and the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, revealing important information about the characters and the plot. It adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and intriguing mystery. The conflict and character dynamics keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of fast-paced dialogue and slower moments of reflection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and formatting contribute to the tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the atmosphere and setting of the police station and hospital.
  • The dialogue feels a bit expository and lacks depth in character interactions and dynamics.
  • There is a missed opportunity to build tension and suspense in the conversation between Kujan and Rabin.
  • The cluttered office setting could be utilized more effectively to reflect Rabin's character and add visual interest to the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more subtext and nuance in the interactions between Kujan and Rabin.
Suggestions
  • Add more visual descriptions to set the scene and create a more immersive environment for the characters.
  • Enhance the dialogue by adding layers of subtext, conflict, and character development.
  • Introduce more tension and suspense by exploring the power dynamics between Kujan and Rabin.
  • Utilize the cluttered office setting to reflect Rabin's character traits and add depth to the scene.
  • Consider adding moments of silence or pauses to allow for the emotions and intentions of the characters to come through.



Scene 9 - Arkosh Kovash's Urgent Plea
25 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 25

(<< .. DENOTES LINES SPOKEN IN HUNGARIAN)

Baer comes to an abrupt halt at the foot of a bed surrounded
by a massive tangle of medical equipment. In the center of it
all is the as yet unnamed ARKOSH KOVASH, mid-thirties. His
body is nearly mummified in bandages and plaster from waist
to chin.

BOLD IS OVERLAPPED:

KOVASH
<<Are you the police? I need the police.
He'll find out I'm here and he'll kill
me. I need the police. I will tell them
anything they want to know. Please, I am
going to be killed.>>

BAER
Will he die?

PLUMBER
There's a chance.

Baer walks over to Rovash and kneels down on the bed beside
him.

He looks closely at his battered and scalded face. He listens
to him far a moment. Kovash goes on incessantly.

KOVASH
<<Find someone who understands me, you
idiot, I'm going to be killed, You'll all
be killed if he has to do it. Help me,
God. They're all stupid. Get someone who
understands me or we're all going to
die.>>
37.

YELLOW 06/11/94

Baer pulls a cellular phone out of his jacket and dials.

BAER
Call hospital security and put a man on
the door until the police get here.

KOVASH
<<Why are you just standing there, you
idiot? I'm not speaking English am I?
Wouldn't it make sense to find someone
who could talk to me so you could find
the person that set me on fire, perhaps?
He is the Devil. You've never seen anyone
like Keyser Soze in all your miserable
life you idiot. Keyser Soze. Do you at
least understand that? Keyser Soze. The
Devil himself. Or are you American
policemen io stupid that you haven't even
heard of him. Keyser Soze, you ridiculous
man. KEYSER SOZE. >>

BLUE 06/01/94

Ridgly runs out of the room. Kovash babbles louder and
louder, trying to get Baer's attention. Baer sticks a finger
in one ear to block him out and hear the phone.

PLUMBER
Is he dangerous?

BAER
Yes.

Someone picks up on the other end of the phone.

BAER
Joel, it's Baer. I'm down at L.A. county.
The guy they pulled out of the harbor is
ARKOSH Kovash... Yes, I'm sure... No,
he's all fucked up... What? I can't hear
you.
38.
(to Arkosh)
Shut up, Hugo, I'm on the phone.
(into Phone)
Yes... No... Not until I put someone on
him. Listen, I need you to send me
someone who can speak Hungarian. He's
awake and talking like a Thai hooker...
How should I know? Get me someone who can
talk to him -

Baer is suddenly distracted by something Kovash has said. In
the middle of a long string of unintelligible dialect, he has
spouted two words that have gotten Baer's attention.

He turns and looks down at the tattered man in the bed.
Kovash realizes Baer is listening and says the two words
again.

KOVASH
Keyser - Soze.

BAER
What?

He waves his hand, gesturing for Kovash to say it again.

KOVASH
Keyser - Soze.

BAER
No shit?
(into Phone)
Joel, call Dan Metzheiser over at Justice
and find Dave Kujan from Customs.

YELLOW 06/11/94

26 INT. HALLWAY - POLICE STATION 26

Rabin walks out of a small room. Behind him, we catch a
glimpse of a workroom with a bench covered with wires.

Kujan comes out a moment later, gently fixing his tie.
39.

Rabin opens the door to his office and Kujan enters. Rabin
follows, looking up and down the hall before closing the door
behind them.

As the door closes we can just make out the back of Verbal's
head. He is seated in Rabin's office, smoking a cigarette.

27 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 27

Kujan and Rabin sit down across from Verbal.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KUJAN
(exasperated)
Verbal, you know we're trying to help
you.

VERBAL
Sure. And I appreciate that. And I want
to help you, Agent Kujan. I like cops. I
would have liked to have been a Fed
myself but my C.P. was -

KUJAN
Verbal, I know you know something. I know
you're not telling us everything.

VERBAL
I told the D.A. everything I know.

28 INT. WORKSHOP 28

Rabin stands over LOUIS, a messy looking technician at his
workbench in a room full of electronic equipment. He adjusts
several dials on a receiver until the voices of Kujan and
Verbal come clearly through a tinny speaker on the wall.
Rabin reaches over for a nearby pot of coffee.

KUJAN (VOICE)
I know you liked Keaton I know you think
he was a good man.
40.

VERBAL (VOICE)
I know he was good.

KUJAN (VOICE)
He was a corrupt cop, Verbal.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Baer encounters Arkosh Kovash, a severely injured man in a hospital room who frantically asks for police protection. Kovash mentions the name Keyser Soze, and Baer tries to communicate with him by making phone calls to get someone who can speak Hungarian.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Revealing dialogue
  • Plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Complexity of the plot may require close attention from the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, and introduces a significant plot twist that raises the stakes for the characters. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a hidden, powerful figure like Keyser Soze adds depth and complexity to the story. The revelation of his existence changes the dynamics of the narrative and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 9

The plot thickens with the introduction of Keyser Soze and the characters' realization of the danger they are in. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets up new challenges for the protagonists.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and mysterious character, Keyser Soze, adding a fresh and intriguing element to the story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the revelation of Keyser Soze showcase their vulnerabilities and fears, adding layers to their personalities. The scene deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo a shift in their perception of the world and the dangers they face, especially with the revelation of Keyser Soze. This change sets the stage for their future actions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand the situation and protect the injured patient, reflecting his sense of duty and compassion.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure the safety of the injured patient and gather information about the attacker, reflecting the immediate challenge of dealing with a dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing imminent danger and the revelation of Keyser Soze raising the stakes significantly. The tension between the characters and the unknown threat creates a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the injured patient's desperate pleas and the protagonist's sense of duty creating conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing a dangerous and unknown threat in the form of Keyser Soze. The revelation of his existence raises the stakes significantly and puts the characters in a perilous situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new information, raising the stakes, and setting up future conflicts. It deepens the mystery surrounding Keyser Soze and keeps the audience invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden introduction of Keyser Soze and the escalating tension between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in justice and protection of the innocent, contrasting with the patient's fear and desperation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and distrust in the audience, as they are drawn into the characters' dangerous situation. The emotional impact is heightened by the characters' vulnerability and the looming threat of Keyser Soze.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is tense, impactful, and reveals crucial information about the characters and the plot. It keeps the audience engaged and enhances the scene's suspenseful atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and mysterious character introduction.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure follows the expected format for a suspenseful thriller, with a clear progression of events and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene in the hospital room with Baer and Kovash is intense and filled with tension, which is effective in building suspense and intrigue.
  • The dialogue between Baer and Kovash is gripping and adds depth to the character of Kovash, making the audience empathize with his fear and desperation.
  • The revelation of the name 'Keyser Soze' adds a significant plot twist and raises the stakes, creating a sense of mystery and danger.
  • The transition to the police station hallway and Rabin's office is smooth and maintains the suspense from the previous scene.
  • The dialogue between Kujan, Rabin, and Verbal in Rabin's office is engaging and keeps the audience invested in the unfolding story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions in the hospital room scene to enhance the setting and atmosphere.
  • Explore deeper into Kovash's backstory and his connection to Keyser Soze to add more depth to his character.
  • Introduce more subtle hints or clues about Keyser Soze earlier in the script to build anticipation and intrigue leading up to this scene.
  • Provide more context or background information about the significance of Keyser Soze to help the audience understand the gravity of the situation.
  • Consider adding a bit more action or movement in the police station scene to break up the dialogue and keep the pacing dynamic.



Scene 10 - Verbal's Interrogation
29 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 29

VERBAL
Sure. Fifteen years ago, but he was a
good thief Anyway, the cops wouldn't let
him go legit.

KUJAN
Keaton was a piece of shit.

VERBAL
You trying to get a rise out of me, Agent
Kujan?

YELLOW 06/11/94

KUJAN
I just want to hear your story.

YELLOW 06/11/94

VERBAL
It's right here.

He taps a finger on the stack of paper that Kujan brought in.
Kujan picks it up and thumbs through it.

KUJAN
According to your statement you are a
short-con operator. Run of the mill
seams. Everything you do, you learned
from somebody else.

VERBAL
That's been suppressed. Anything in there
is inadmissible.
41.

KUJAN
Oh, I know. Sweet deal you have. Total
immunity.

VERBAL
(laughing)
Well I do have the weapons charge. I'm
looking at six whole months hard time.

KUJAN
(smiling)
You know a dealer named Ruby Deemer,
Verbal?

VERBAL
You know a religious guy named John Paul?

KUJAN
You know Ruby is in Attica?

VERBAL
He didn't have my lawyer.

KUJAN
I know Ruby. He's very big on respect.
Likes me very much.

Verbal sees this getting to something. His smiles fades.

KUJAN
Now I know your testimony was sealed.
Ruby is well connected. He still has
people running errands for him. What do
you think he'd say if he found out you
dropped his name to the D.A.?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

VERBAL
There's nothing in there about Ruby.

KUJAN
I'11 be sure to mention that to him.
42.

Verbal is not smiling anymore. He stares at Kujan with utter
contempt, knowing he is being shafted.

KUJAN
The first thing I learned on the job,
know what it was? How to spot a murderer.
Let's say you arrest three guys for the
same killing. Put them all in jail
overnight. The next morning, whoever is
sleeping is your man. If you're guilty,
you know you're caught, you get some rest
- let your guard down, you follow?

VERBAL
No.

KUJAN
I'11 get right to the point. I'm smarter
than you. I'11 find out what I want to
know and I'11 get it from you whether you
like it or not.

VERBAL
I'm not a rat.

Kujan puts his hand on the transcript of Verbal's confession.
Rabin walks in with a cup of coffee. Verbal takes it with his
good hand and sips it with a relish.

VERBAL
Ahhh. Back when I was picking beans in
Guatemala we used to make fresh coffee.
Right off the trees I mean. That was
good. This is shit, but hey...

RAB IN
Can we get started again?

KUJAN
Now what happened after the line-up?

Verbal sneers at Kujan, unable to change the subject.
43.

BLUE 06/01/94
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Kujan confronts Verbal about his knowledge of Ruby Deemer, accusing him of being a murderer. Verbal remains defiant, but becomes concerned as Kujan threatens him. The scene ends with Kujan continuing to question Verbal, leaving the audience uncertain of the outcome.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging and gripping, with a strong focus on character dynamics and tension. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience on edge, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, which revolves around the interrogation of a key character, is executed with precision and depth. It delves into the power play between Verbal and Kujan, adding layers to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene is driven by the interrogation process and the revelation of information. It adds depth to the overall story and raises questions about the characters' motivations and loyalties.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tense interrogation between a criminal and a detective. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are unpredictable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Verbal and Kujan, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. Their conflicting personalities and agendas create a compelling dynamic that keeps the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics, particularly between Verbal and Kujan, there are no significant character changes in this scene. The focus is more on the power struggle and manipulation.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and not reveal any incriminating information to Agent Kujan. He is trying to protect himself and his reputation as a criminal.

External Goal: 7

Verbal's external goal in this scene is to navigate the interrogation and avoid incriminating himself further. He is trying to outsmart Agent Kujan and protect his own interests.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, driven by the power struggle between Verbal and Kujan. Their conflicting agendas and personalities create tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Verbal and Kujan engaged in a battle of wits and wills. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene, as Verbal's testimony and Kujan's investigation have significant implications for the characters and the overall story. The power struggle and manipulation add to the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information through the interrogation process. It adds depth to the characters and raises questions about their motivations, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between Verbal and Kujan, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Verbal's desire to maintain his criminal reputation and protect himself, and Kujan's determination to uncover the truth and bring justice. This conflict challenges Verbal's beliefs about loyalty and self-preservation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the tense interactions between the characters. The audience is drawn into the power play between Verbal and Kujan, creating a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, tense, and filled with subtext. It reveals the power struggle between Verbal and Kujan, adding layers to their characters and the overall narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue and psychological tension between the characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a tense interrogation scene, with a clear focus on dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Verbal and Kujan lacks depth and complexity, making the interaction feel flat and unengaging.
  • The tension between the characters is not effectively conveyed, resulting in a lack of suspense and intrigue in the scene.
  • Verbal's responses to Kujan's questions come across as too casual and nonchalant, diminishing the impact of the interrogation.
  • The scene lacks visual elements and descriptions, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the setting and characters' actions.
  • The conflict between Verbal and Kujan is not fully explored or developed, missing an opportunity to create a more compelling dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Add more depth to the dialogue by incorporating subtext and hidden motives in Verbal and Kujan's interactions.
  • Enhance the tension between the characters through body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice.
  • Give Verbal more complexity in his responses, showing internal conflict and vulnerability beneath his facade of nonchalance.
  • Include visual cues and descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
  • Further develop the conflict between Verbal and Kujan by exploring power dynamics, manipulation, and psychological warfare.



Scene 11 - Releasing Keaton
30 EXT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT - NEW YORK - SIX WEEKS PRIOR 30

Keaton stops at the top of the front steps of the police
station and lights a cigarette. Edie comes out behind him,
fuming mad.

EDIE
...and the desk Sergeant is actually
trying to tell me he can't release you?
Can you believe that? You weren't even
charged. New York police - Jesus. I want
to take pictures of your face to bring to
the D.A. first thing in the morning.

KEATON
Just forget about it.

He looks across the street and sees Fenster and McManus
talking by a newsstand. McManus is thumbing through
magazines.

EDIE
Absolutely not.

Keaton looks to his right and sees Hockney trying to hail a
cab.

EDIE
I'11 have this thing in front of a grand
jury by Monday.

KEATON
Edie, please. I don't want to hear this
right now. What did Renault and Fortier
say?

EDIE
They want more time to think about
investing.
44.

KEATON
Goddamnit.

EDIE
They just said they wanted time.

KEATON
Time for what, Edie? Time to look into me
a little more, that's what. No matter how
well you cover my tracks now, they'll
find out who I am.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

EDIE
Give me some credit. I got you this far,
let's go to the grand jury. This is never
going to stop if we -

KEATON
No. It's never going to stop, period. It
won't take more than a week before every
investor in this city is walking away
from us. It's finished. I'm finished.

Just then, Verbal bumps into him on his way out the door. He
excuses himself and hobbles down the steps, oblivious to who
he has bumped into as he tries to navigate the stairs.

EDIE
Don't give up on me now, Dean.

KEATON
They'll never stop.

EDIE
I love you.

KEATON
(to himself)
They ruined me tonight.
45.

EDIE
Dean, I love you. Do you hear me?

Verbal gets to the sidewalk and stops. He turns, realizing it
is Keaton on the steps.

EDIE
Let's just go to my place. We'll worry
about this tomorrow.

Keaton and Verbal look at one another for a moment. Keaton
then looks over to the newsstand and sees Fenster looking at
him.

KEATON
Huh?

McManus notices Fenster and glances up from his magazine to
see what he is looking at.

EDIE
Come home with me, please. Dean?

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Keaton looks at Hockney who has one foot in a cab. He is
looking at Fenster and McManus who are looking at Keaton.
This makes Hockney look up at Keaton as well.

SUDDENLY, Edie tunes in to what is going on. She notices the
others on the street. She reaches over and takes Keaton by
the arm, pulling gently. She glares at the others.

EDIE
Come home, Dean.

KEATON
(distant)
Alright.

Verbal looks at everyone else from where he stands on the
street.
46.
Fenster, McManus and Hockney all look at him and then at each
other. It is a strange moment of unspoken understanding.

All eyes finally turn to Keaton, high on the front steps of
the police station as he walks away with Edie.

31 INT. HALLWAY - DAY 31

Verbal stands in front of an apartment door. He hesitates for
a long moment before he knocks.

After a moment, the door opens and Keaton stands on the other
side of it. He is wearing a bathrobe and smoking a cigarette.

He looks at Verbal without any expression whatsoever.

KEATON
What are you doing here'! How did you
find me?

VERBAL
I just asked one of the detectives
downtown. He seemed pretty happy to tell
me.

Keaton curses under his breath and motions for Verbal to come
in.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Keaton and Edie exit the police station, with Edie expressing her rage about their treatment and wanting to press charges. Keaton advises her to drop it. Across the street, they spot Fenster, McManus, Hockney, and Verbal. Edie urges Keaton to take legal action but he refuses. Keaton and Edie are confronted by Verbal as they leave the station. Edie pleads with Keaton to accompany her home, and he agrees. Fenster, McManus, Hockney, and Edie observe Keaton as Verbal watches from the street.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • High stakes and emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual variety in setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and drama, setting up a crucial turning point for the characters. The emotional depth and high stakes add to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of facing consequences for past actions and making difficult decisions is well-executed in this scene. It sets up important character dynamics and plot developments.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with key revelations and character interactions driving the story forward. The conflicts and stakes are heightened, adding depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the crime genre, focusing on the emotional and moral consequences of criminal actions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' emotions and motivations are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their internal struggles and relationships. The dialogue and interactions reveal layers to each character.

Character Changes: 7

Keaton undergoes a significant internal change in this scene, facing the consequences of his actions and making a crucial decision. The other characters also show development in their interactions and reactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Keaton's internal goal is to come to terms with the fact that his criminal activities have caught up with him and to accept the consequences of his actions.

External Goal: 7

Keaton's external goal is to deal with the fallout from his criminal activities, including facing potential investors and legal consequences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflicts in the scene are intense and multi-layered, driving the emotional and narrative tension. The characters' internal and external conflicts add depth to the story.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and motivations.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing serious consequences for their actions. The tension and drama are heightened by the risks involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, setting up important plot points and character arcs. It raises the stakes and builds anticipation for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' moral choices and the consequences of their criminal actions. Keaton is struggling with the realization that his actions have led to his downfall.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, particularly in Keaton's internal struggle and the strained relationships between the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It adds tension and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, realistic dialogue, and emotional depth. The conflicts and struggles of the characters draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with characters engaging in mundane conversations that do not drive the plot forward.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks depth, failing to capture the emotional complexity of the characters' relationships and conflicts.
  • The interactions between Keaton, Edie, and Verbal lack tension and fail to create a sense of urgency or intrigue.
  • The scene lacks visual and sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and atmosphere.
  • There is a lack of subtext and underlying tension in the interactions between the characters, making the scene feel flat and unengaging.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to be more impactful and revealing of the characters' motivations and emotions.
  • Add subtext and hidden agendas to the interactions between the characters to create intrigue and tension.
  • Consider adding visual and sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Focus on driving the plot forward with each scene, ensuring that every interaction serves a purpose and moves the story towards its resolution.
  • Work on building up the conflict and stakes in the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.



Scene 12 - The Proposition
32 INT. EDIE'S APARTMENT 32

Verbal walks in and sits down on the couch, watching Keaton
cautiously. He looks around the large apartment, beautifully
furnished and decorated.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

Edie walks into the room in a man's button-down shirt and
sweat pants.

EDIE
Dean, who was at the --

She stops when she sees Verbal. Verbal stands and smiles
nervously.
47.

VERBAL
How do you do?

KEATON
Verb - Roger, this is Edie Finneran.
Edie, this is Roger Kint, he was at --

EDIE
(cold)
I know who he is.

VERBAL
I hope I didn't disturb you.

EDIE
I hope so, too, Mr. Kint. Can I get you
something to drink?

VERBAL
A glass of water would be nice.

Edie shoots a look at Keaton on her way out of the room.
Keaton tries to hush his voice despite his anger.

KEATON
What the hell do you want?

VERBAL
I wanted to talk to you. The other guys -

KEATON
I did you a favor by standing up for you
last night, but don't think we're
friends. I'm sorry, but I have other
things -

VERBAL
They're gonna do a job. Three million
dollars, maybe more.

Keaton is speechless. Verbal sits on the couch again.
48.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

VERBAL
They sent me to offer you a cut. We could
use a fifth man - a driver - That's all
you'll do.

Edie walks in with a glass of ice water and hands it to
Verbal.

VERBAL
Thank you.

Verbal drinks slowly. Edie stands over him, her face blank.
It is an awkward moment. She deliberately makes Verbal
uncomfortable.

LONG PAUSE - FINALLY:

EDIE
So what is it you do, Mr. Kint?

VERBAL
Umm ...

EDIE
A hijacker like Dean, here? Or something
more creative?

KEATON
That's enough, Edie.

EDIE
(angry)
I don't know what you came here for, but
we won't have any part of it.

KEATON
Edie, please.

Keaton takes Edie by the arm and tries to guide her toward
the other room. She pulls away, anger turning to rage.
49.

EDIE
I've spent the last year of my life
putting his back together again - I won't
have you come in here and - What makes
you think - GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY HOME.
HOW DARE YOU COME HERE?

Keaton is pulling her now. She yanks her arm away and shoves
him.

YELLOW 06/11/94

EDIE
Don't touch me. Just don't --

She turns and walks out of the room. Somewhere in the back of
the apartment, a door slams. Keaton turns and glares at
Verbal. Verbal cringes.

KEATON
Get out.

VERBAL
If you'll just let me -

SUDDENLY, KEATON LUNGES. He grabs Verbal by the lapels and
lifts him off the couch, moving him effortlessly across the
room and slamming him into the wall next to the front door.
He opens it.

VERBAL
Don't hurt me.

KEATON
(seething)
Hurt you, you sonofabitch? I could kill
you.

Keaton starts to shove Verbal out the door.

VERBAL
(Quickly)
They're going to hit the Taxi Service.
50.

Keaton freezes. LONG PAUSE.

VERBAL
New York's Finest Taxi Service.

KEATON
They - That's bullshit. They don't
operate anymore.

VERBAL
McManus has a friend in the Fourteenth
Precinct. They're coming out for one job -
Thursday. They're picking up a guy
smuggling emeralds out of South America.
Fenster and McManus have a fence set to
take the stuff.

YELLOW 06/11/94

KEATON
What fence? Who?

VERBAL
Some guy in California. His name is
Redfoot.

KEATON
Never heard of him.

Keaton moves to throw Verbal out. Verbal grabs Keaton and
holds tight.

VERBAL
You have to come.

KEATON
What's with you? What do you care whether
I come or not?

VERBAL
They - They don't know me. You do. They
won't take me unless you go. Look at me.
I need this.
51.

KEATON
Tough break.

VERBAL
Don't tell me you don't need this. Is
this your place?

Keaton is unable to answer.

VERBAL
They're never going to stop with us, you
know that. This way we hit the cops where
it hurts and get well in the mean time.

Keaton lets Verbal go and steps back, thinking.

VERBAL
As clean as you could ever get, they'll
never let you go now.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

VERBAL
I'm not knocking you. You look like
you've got a good little seam going with
this lawyer -

WHAM. Keaton punches Verbal in the stomach and drops him to
one knee. Verbal coughs and tries to find his breath.

KEATON
You watch your mouth.

VERBAL
(Gasping)
Okay, okay. You say it's the real thing?
That's cool.

Keaton reaches for Verbal. Verbal flinches. Keaton gently
helps him up and guides him to the couch. They bath sit.

Keaton reaches for a pack of cigarettes and lights one for
each of them.
52.

KEATON
I apologize.

Verbal takes one and has a few drags, catching his breath and
rubbing his stomach in pain.

FINALLY:

VERBAL
I was out of line.

KEATON
You okay?

VERBAL
I'11 be alright.

KEATON
Well, I'm sorry.

VERBAL
Forget it.
(beat)
I'11 probably shit blood tonight.

Keaton laughs. Verbal thinks about it for a moment and laughs
with him.

Keaton's laughter trails off. He thinks for a moment.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

KEATON
How are they going to do it?

VERBAL
McManus wants to go in shooting. I said
no way.

KEATON
Fenster and Hockney?
53.

VERBAL
They're pretty pissed off. They'll do
anything. Now I got a way to do it
without killing anyone: but like I said,
they won't let me in without you.

KEATON
Three million?

VERBAL
Maybe more.

KEATON
No killing?

VERBAL
Not if we do it my way.

LONG PAUSE

KEATON
(Llst in thought)
I swore I'd live above myself.

Verbal smiles, knowing he has him.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Verbal visits Keaton and Edie's apartment and offers Keaton a share of a $3 million job, which involves robbing New York's Finest Taxi Service. Edie is initially hostile, but Keaton agrees after Verbal threatens to reveal his criminal past to the police. They reconcile after Keaton punches Verbal in the stomach, and agree to work together.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Violent outburst
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, emotional depth, and significant plot development. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the narrative forward and revealing the characters' motivations and conflicts effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of offering Keaton a role in a criminal job while navigating personal relationships and moral dilemmas is executed with intensity and depth. The scene effectively explores themes of loyalty, betrayal, and the consequences of criminal activities.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds dynamically, introducing a high-stakes criminal job offer that challenges Keaton's moral compass and loyalty. The scene advances the narrative significantly, setting up future conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the heist genre by focusing on interpersonal dynamics and moral dilemmas within the criminal group. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and relationships driving the tension in the scene. Keaton's internal conflict, Verbal's manipulative nature, and Edie's emotional turmoil add depth to the interactions.

Character Changes: 8

Keaton experiences a significant internal conflict and moral dilemma, showcasing a potential shift in his character arc. Verbal's manipulative nature and Edie's emotional outburst also contribute to character development and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal is to gain acceptance and approval from Keaton and Edie, as well as to prove his worth and value to the criminal group. This reflects his deeper need for validation and belonging.

External Goal: 9

Verbal's external goal is to convince Keaton to join the upcoming heist job and secure his position within the criminal group. This reflects the immediate challenge of recruiting a key member for the job.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as Keaton grapples with a tempting criminal offer while facing emotional turmoil with Edie and Verbal. The high stakes and intense interactions heighten the conflict throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and values between the characters leading to dramatic confrontations and power struggles. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involve a lucrative criminal job offer, moral dilemmas, and strained relationships, adding tension and urgency to the scene. The characters face significant decisions with potential consequences, heightening the stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a crucial criminal job offer, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and decisions. It advances the narrative with tension and suspense.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected reactions from characters, and the uncertain outcome of the heist job. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of criminal activities and the consequences of violence. Edie's anger and refusal to participate in illegal activities challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, including anger, defiance, tension, and hope, as the characters navigate complex relationships and moral dilemmas. The emotional depth adds layers to the narrative and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and emotionally charged, revealing the characters' inner conflicts and motivations. It drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high emotional stakes, dramatic conflict, and intense character interactions. The audience is drawn into the tension and uncertainty of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed pauses and emotional beats. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the intensity of the interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and emotional beats. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with the dialogue feeling disjointed and lacking focus.
  • The tension between Keaton, Edie, and Verbal is not effectively built up, making the emotional outbursts feel forced and unnatural.
  • The transition between Edie's anger towards Verbal and Keaton's sudden change of heart is abrupt and lacks proper development.
  • The physical altercation between Keaton and Verbal feels out of place and does not serve a clear purpose in the scene.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and lacks depth, failing to fully explore the characters' motivations and conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing the tension and conflict between the characters more gradually to make the emotional outbursts feel more organic.
  • Provide clearer motivations for the characters' actions and decisions to make the scene more engaging and believable.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a clearer arc and purpose, with each character's actions and dialogue contributing to the overall narrative.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to be more concise, impactful, and reflective of each character's unique voice and personality.
  • Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the interactions between the characters to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 13 - Ambush at Kennedy Airport
33 EXT. KENNEDY AIRPORT - DAY 33

VERBAL (V.O.)
New York's finest Taxi Service was not
your normal taxi service. It was a ring
of corrupt cops in the N.Y.P.D. that ran
a high-profit racket, driving smugglers
and drug dealers all over the city. For a
few hundred dollars a mile, you got your
own black and white and a police escort.
They even had their own business cards.

OSCAR WHITEHEAD, a tall gray-haired man in his fifties comes
out of the international terminal in a white linen suit. He
holds a large suitcase in his right hand.
54.

BLUE 06/01/94

VERBAL (V.O.)
After a while, somebody started asking
questions and the taxi service shut down.
Ever since then, Internal Affairs had
been waiting to catch them in the act.

Oscar stands on the curb long enough to light a cigarette.
After a moment, a POLICE CRUISER pulls up to him. He opens
the back door and gets in.

VERBAL (V.O.)
And that was how we started. McManus came
to us with the job; Fenster got the vans;
Hockney supplied the hardware; 'I came
through with how to do it so no one got
killed - but Keaton - Keaton put on the
finishing touch. A little "Fuck you" from
the five of us to the N.Y.P.D.

The car drives out of the airport. A VAN follows at a
distance.

34 INT. POLICE CAR 34

SERGEANT JIM STRAUSZ, a meaty, imposing looking man in his
forties drives the car. Beside him is a thin, greasy looking
PATROLMAN, STEVE RIZZI. They are two drivers for New York's
Finest Taxi Service.

RIZZI
How was the flight?

Oscar hands Rizzi a thick envelope.

OSCAR
Will that get me to the Pierre?

Rizzi counts the stack of hundred dollar bills in the
envelope .
55.

RIZZI
That'll get you to Cape God.

The two men laugh. Strausz watches the road, expressionless.

35 EXT. HIGHWAY 35

The cruiser heads towards the heart of Manhattan.

YELLOW 06/11/94

36 EXT. STREET - LATER 36

The police car makes its way down a wide, abandoned street. A
WHITE MINIVAN pulls out behind it and heads the same way.

37 INT. POLICE CAR 37

Strausz looks in the rear-view mirror. The white minivan is
flashing his high-beams.

STRAUSZ
What the...

RIZZI
LOOK OUT.

Strausz looks in front of him. A green minivan swerves in
front of them from out of nowhere. Strausz slams on the
brakes and skids to a halt. The white minivan rams them from
behind.

Strausz and Rizzi are stunned for a moment as two more vans
screech up on either side of the cruiser, boxing it in with
only a few inches between them.

The cruiser is surrounded on all sides.

SUDDENLY, SHOTGUN BARRELS come through the open windows. They
come to rest, one on Strausz's left temple one on Rizzi's
right. RIZZI looks out of the corner of his eye.

He sees the driver of the van next to him holding the shotgun
with one hand. A stocking is over the driver's head.
56.
Strausz looks straight ahead. The minivan in front of them is
missing a back window. Another man with a stocking on his
head aims a sub-machine gun at them from inside.

By the twisted right hand holding the front of the gun, we
know it is Verbal. Strausz and Rizzi raise their hands
without being asked.

38 EXT. STREET 38

The driver of the white van gets out with a gallon jug in one
hand and a sledge hammer in the other.

Moving like lightning, he jumps onto the roof of the police
car

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

He stands on the front of the roof and swings the hammer
down.

39 INT. POLICE CAR 39

SMASH

The hammer punches three huge holes in the windshield and
finally caves it in. Strausz and Rizzi are covered with
pebbles of broken glass. Whitehead clutches his bag in the
back seat. He trembles in terror.

The man standing on the roof doubles over and sticks a gun in
Strausz's face. His face hangs upside down and looks gruesome
- covered from the mouth up in a stocking. By the voice, we
know it is McManus.

MCMANUS
GIVE ME THE SHIT.

STRAUSZ
Give it up.

Oscar hands the suitcase up front and Strausz passes it to
McManus.
57.

40 INT. FRONT VAN 40

Through the front windshield of the front van we see Keaton
at the wheel. Verbal is behind him leaning out the back
window.

Beneath Keaton's stocking mask we see he is trembling and
sweating - sickened by what he is doing.

He glances up at the rear-view mirror and looks at the scene
outside. He looks down at the floor in shame, shaking his
head.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Oscar Whitehead, a smuggler, hires a corrupt police taxi service to transport him to the Pierre Hotel. The taxi service is ambushed by a group of robbers led by Verbal Kint, who steals Whitehead's suitcase.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, action, and strong character dynamics. It effectively sets up the heist and builds anticipation for the upcoming events.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of corrupt cops running a taxi service for criminals is intriguing and sets the stage for a high-stakes heist. The execution of the heist plan adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression towards the heist. The tension and conflict between the characters drive the narrative forward and keep the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on the crime genre, with corrupt cops running a high-profit taxi service for criminals. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are complex and their conflicting motivations add depth to the scene. Each character's unique traits and relationships contribute to the overall tension and suspense.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and motivations, the scene primarily focuses on setting up the heist. However, the characters' reactions hint at potential changes to come.

Internal Goal: 8

Oscar Whitehead's internal goal in this scene is to successfully complete a criminal operation without getting caught or killed. This reflects his desire for power, control, and a sense of accomplishment.

External Goal: 7

Oscar's external goal is to deliver a suitcase of illegal goods to the designated location without any interference from law enforcement or rival criminals. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in this scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high throughout the scene, with intense moments of confrontation and suspense. The characters' conflicting interests create a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and uncertain outcome. The audience is kept in suspense as they wonder how the characters will navigate the dangerous circumstances.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters risking their lives and freedom to execute the heist. The intense car chase and ambush raise the tension and highlight the dangerous nature of their mission.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the heist plan, escalating the conflict, and setting up the upcoming events. It keeps the audience invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking turn of events, such as the ambush on the police car and the characters' unexpected actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of the characters' actions. They are engaging in criminal behavior and betraying their roles as law enforcement officers, which challenges their beliefs, values, and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and determination in the characters, as well as in the audience. The emotional intensity adds depth to the heist setup and engages the viewers.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. It enhances the suspense and builds anticipation for the heist.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, tense atmosphere, and morally complex characters. The high stakes and unpredictable nature of the events keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly handled, with a gradual buildup of tension leading to a climactic confrontation. The rhythm of the action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting that enhances the readability and impact of the action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a crime thriller, with a buildup of tension and suspense leading to a dramatic confrontation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up the criminal operation involving corrupt cops in the N.Y.P.D. and the planned heist of Oscar Whitehead.
  • The tension and suspense are well-established as the police car is surrounded by vans and the officers are threatened at gunpoint.
  • The character of Keaton is portrayed as conflicted and sickened by the violence, adding depth to his role in the heist.
  • The use of visual cues, such as Keaton trembling and sweating, enhances the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The dialogue and actions of the characters effectively convey the high-stakes nature of the heist and the fear experienced by the police officers.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Keaton to further explore his moral dilemma and internal struggle.
  • Provide more context or backstory on the corrupt cops in the N.Y.P.D. and their involvement in the criminal operation.
  • Enhance the visual elements to heighten the tension and suspense of the scene, such as through lighting and camera angles.
  • Explore the emotional impact on the characters, especially Keaton, in greater depth to create a more compelling narrative.
  • Consider adding a twist or unexpected turn of events to keep the audience engaged and guessing.



Scene 14 - The Heist's Aftermath
41 INT. POLICE CAR 41

McMANUS The money. Strausz looks at Rizzi.

MCMAMJS
THE MONEY. LET'S HAVE IT.

Rizzi hands the money through the remains of the windshield.

YELLOW 06/11/94

McManus takes the money and stuffs it in his jacket. He steps
back and takes the cap off of the gallon jug. He quickly
pours some kind of liquid all over the roof of the car.

STRAUSZ
Do you know who I am?

A hand reaches into the driver's side window and rips
Strausz's badge off of his shirt.

Strausz dares to turn his head right at the shotgun pointing
at him through the window. On the other end is a masked and
smiling Todd Hockney.

HOCKNEY
We do now, Jerk-off.

McManus lights a pack of matches and drops them on the roof
of the car as he jumps off. THE LIQUID IGNITES, the roof of
the car is instantly in flames.
58.
Strausz and Rizzi attempt to bail out, but the vans are too
close for them to open the doors. The vans pull away.

Strausz and Rizzi escape from the car. Oscar is trapped
inside, SCREAMING. Strausz and Rizzi stop, each expecting the
other to go let Oscar out.

42 EXT. STREET - LATER 42

The scene is swarming with fresh police cars. Strausz and
Rizzi are fielding questions from a dozen other cops.

Photographers are everywhere.

VERBAL (V.O.)
The papers got Keaton's call that day and
were on the scene before the cops were.
Strausz and Rizzi were indicted three
days later. Within a few weeks, fifty
more cops went down with them. It was
beautiful. Everybody got it right in the
ass, from the chief on down.

YELLOW 06/11/94

43 INT. GARAGE - NIGHT 43

Hockney, Fenster, McManus and Verbal are all laughing in a
secluded garage. They are still in their black clothes from
the robbery. Hockney is throwing everyone a can of beer.

Keaton sits off by himself. He watches the others, unable to
join in the festivities.

The others sit around a cheap card table. It is covered with
emeralds. Dozens of them. Everyone is in awe. McManus There's
more than I thought.

HOCKNEY
When does the fence come? McMANUS
Redfoot? He never comes to see me. I have
to go see him.
59.

VERBAL
In California?

MCMANUS
Yeah. It'll take a few days. Me and
Fenster

HOCKNEY
Hold the fuckin' phone. You and Fenster?
No, no, no.

MCMANUS
Guys, come on.

HOCKNEY
I'm sure you can understand my
hesitation.

FENSTER
Then who goes?

HOCKNEY
We all go. How about it, Keaton?

All eyes turn to Keaton. He comes out of his trance.

KEATON
We need to lay low for a while.

YELLOW 06/11/94

MCMANUS
Fine with me.

PAUSE

Everyone looks at each other, their moment of distrust
blowing over. All eyes drift back to the emeralds on the
table.

Hockney begins to snicker, then McManus, then Fenster. Verbal
joins in at last. McManus grabs Verbal and hugs him, shaking
him violently.
60.

MCMANUS
My boy with the plan.

SUDDENLY, everyone yells and pours beer over Verbal's head.
He laughs as he is drenched in white foam, nearly choking as
the others chant his name.

Keaton watches from across the room, trying to smile in vain.

44 SCENE DELETED 44

45 INT. WAITING ROOM - LAW OFFICE - DAY 45

Keaton and Verbal sit side by side on a sofa. A sign on the
door behind them reads: MONTGOMERY and LaGUARDIA - ATTORNEYS
AT LAW.

VERBAL
We're going to miss the flight.

KEATON
We'll make it.

VERBAL
Don't do this. Send her a card -
something.

KEATON
We'll make it.

VOICE (O.S.)
Ms. Finneran will be with you in a
moment.

Keaton stands and paces across the waiting room. He comes to
a set of glass doors and looks through them.

YELLOW 06/11/94

Keaton realizes he is standing on a balcony overlooking a
library below.

He sees Edie working in the library with an old woman. The
two women talk for a moment.
61.

SUDDENLY, Keaton turns with a start. Verbal is standing
behind him.

VERBAL
We're gonna miss the plane.
(beat)
She'll understand.

YELLOW 06/11/94

Edie is smiling and laughing with the old woman. Keaton's
face is marked with guilt and anguish. Keaton turns and walks
out of the waiting room. Verbal takes one last glance at Edie
and turns back to Keaton.

46 INT. LIBRARY 46

Edie seems to sense something behind her. She turns and looks
through the glass doors and up into the waiting room.

NOTHING IS THERE. She goes back to chatting with the old
woman.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary McManus forces Rizzi to surrender the stolen money. He then ignites the car, leaving Oscar trapped inside. Strausz and Rizzi escape but are detained by the police. The gang, including Keaton, Hockney, McManus, Fenster, and Verbal, celebrate their success with emeralds they stole. Keaton experiences a pang of guilt upon seeing Edie in the library. Edie observes something, but when she investigates, Keaton has disappeared.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • High-stakes heist setup
Weaknesses
  • Some characters' reactions may be predictable
  • Lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up the conflict for the upcoming events. The dialogue is engaging, and the character dynamics are intriguing.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a heist gone wrong and the aftermath is well-executed, with a focus on character relationships and the consequences of their actions.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging, with a focus on the aftermath of the heist and the characters' reactions to the unfolding events.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the heist genre, with unexpected twists and complex character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience shifts in their relationships and motivations, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and assert dominance over the situation. This reflects their need for power and control in their criminal activities.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully complete the heist and evade capture by the police. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict present, both internal and external, driving the tension and drama of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing significant challenges and obstacles that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the characters facing the consequences of their actions and navigating dangerous situations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and developments, setting up future events in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in power dynamics, unexpected character actions, and surprising plot developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' criminal values and the law enforcement's values. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to guilt, adding depth to the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and realistic, revealing the tensions and dynamics between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, intense emotional moments, and unexpected plot twists.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with effective use of action lines and dialogue to drive the narrative forward.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a crime thriller, with a buildup of tension, a climax of action, and a resolution that sets up future conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a tense and violent confrontation between McManus and the corrupt police officers, which sets a dark tone for the rest of the scene.
  • The dialogue and actions of the characters reveal their ruthless and criminal nature, adding depth to their personalities.
  • Keaton's internal struggle and guilt are subtly portrayed through his actions and expressions, adding emotional depth to the scene.
  • The camaraderie and celebration among the group of robbers provide a contrast to the earlier violence, showing the complex dynamics within the group.
  • The scene effectively builds tension and foreshadows potential conflicts and consequences for the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue to further explore Keaton's internal conflict and guilt.
  • Enhance the visual elements to emphasize the contrasting emotions and dynamics within the group of robbers.
  • Introduce subtle hints or clues about future conflicts or betrayals to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.
  • Explore the aftermath of the violent confrontation with the corrupt police officers to deepen the impact on the characters and the story.
  • Consider incorporating symbolic elements or motifs to enhance the thematic depth of the scene.



Scene 15 - Verbal's Plea for Keaton
47 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE -DAY - LOS ANGELES - PRESENT 47

KUJAN
Heartwarming. Really, I feel weepy.

VERBAL
You wanted to know what happened after
the line-up, I'm telling you.

KUJAN
Oh come on, Verbal. Who do you think
you're talking to? You really expect me
to believe he retired? For a woman?
Bullshit. He was using her.

VERBAL
He loved her.
62.

KUJAN
Sure. And I'm supposed to believe that
hitting the Taxi Service wasn't his idea
either.

VERBAL
That was all Fenster and McManus.

KUJAN
Come on. Keaton was a cop for four years.
Who else would know the Taxi Service

PINK 06/07/94

KUJAN
Better? That job had his name all over
it.

VERBAL
You keep trying to lay this whole ride on
t Keaton. It wasn't like that. Sure he
knew, but Edie had him all turned around.
r I'm telling you straight, I swear.

KUJAN
Let me tell you something. I know Dean
Keaton. I've been investigating him for
three years. The guy I know is a cold-
+ blooded bastard. L.A.P.D. indicted him
on three counts of murder before he was
kicked off the force, so don't sell me
the hooker with the heart of gold.

VERBAL
You got him wrong.

KUJAN
Do I? Keaton was under indictment a total
of seven times when he was on the force.
In every case, witnesses either reversed
their testimony to the grand jury or died
before they could testify.
63.
When they finally did nail him for fraud,
he spent five years in Sing Sing. He
killed three prisoners inside - one with
a knife in the tailbone while he
strangled him to death. Of course I can't
prove this but I can't prove the best
part either.

Kujan pauses to drink some coffee.

KUJAN
Dean Keaton was dead. Did you know that?
r He died in a fire two years ago during
an investigation into the murder of a
witness who was going to testify against
him. Two people saw Keaton enter a
warehouse he owned just before it went
up. They said he had gone in to check a
leaking gas main. It blew up and took all
of Dean Keaton with it. Within three
months of the explosion, the two
witnesses were dead, one killed himself
in his car and the other fell down an
open elevator shaft.

PINK 06/07/94

48 SCENE DELETED 48

49 SCENE DELETED/DIALOGUE MOVED - BOTTOM SCENE 47 49

PINK 06/07/94

50 INT. WORKSHOP 50

Rabin and Louis look at one another as they listen.

KUJAN
(on speaker)
Six weeks ago I get an anonymous call
telling me I can find Keaton eating at
Mondino's with his lawyer, and there he
is.
64.
Now because he never profited from his
alleged death and because someone else
was convicted for the murder we tried to
pin on Keaton, we had to let him go.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Verbal argues Keaton's innocence while Kujan suspects his involvement in murders, citing witness deaths and Keaton's previous indictments. Kujan remains unconvinced despite Verbal's insistence that Keaton retired due to love for Edie. The scene concludes with the revelation that Keaton was sighted recently, escalating the investigation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Revealing character backstories
  • Building suspense and tension
Weaknesses
  • Complexity of plot may be overwhelming for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, with intense dialogue and revelations about the characters' pasts. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its dark and suspenseful tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering the truth behind Dean Keaton's alleged death and his criminal past is intriguing and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot thickens as new information about the characters is revealed, creating tension and raising questions about their motivations and actions.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on crime and mystery, with complex characters and a suspenseful narrative. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding originality to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Dean Keaton and Verbal, are complex and multi-dimensional, with hidden depths and conflicting motivations that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 7

The scene reveals new facets of Dean Keaton and Verbal's characters, showing their vulnerabilities, secrets, and hidden agendas, leading to potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal is to convince Kujan of Dean Keaton's innocence and genuine love for a woman, despite his criminal past. This reflects Verbal's desire to reveal the truth and protect his friend's reputation.

External Goal: 7

Verbal's external goal is to explain the events after the line-up and defend Dean Keaton's actions to Kujan. He wants to clear Keaton's name and prove his innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Verbal and Kujan, as well as the revelations about Dean Keaton's past, create a high level of tension and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kujan's skepticism and Verbal's defense creating conflict and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the scene, as the characters' lives and reputations are on the line, with the truth about their pasts threatening to unravel their present.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters' pasts and motivations, setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the conflicting beliefs and motivations of the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the truth and outcome of the conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust, loyalty, and the nature of criminality. Kujan's skepticism and Verbal's defense of Keaton's character highlight conflicting beliefs about human nature and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from shock and suspense to empathy and intrigue, as the characters' dark pasts are slowly uncovered.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals crucial information about the characters' pasts and relationships. It adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the mystery and tension of the conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-paced dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for its genre, with clear dialogue, character interactions, and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Kujan and Verbal feels a bit forced and lacks subtlety in revealing Keaton's character.
  • The exposition about Keaton's past and alleged crimes is delivered in a heavy-handed manner, making it feel less impactful.
  • The scene lacks nuance in portraying Keaton's complexity as a character, relying too heavily on telling rather than showing.
  • The tension between Kujan and Verbal could be heightened with more subtle cues and subtext in their interactions.
  • The revelation of Keaton's supposed death and the subsequent deaths of witnesses feels rushed and could benefit from a more gradual buildup.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Kujan and Verbal to create a more nuanced and engaging conversation.
  • Show Keaton's character through actions and interactions rather than relying solely on exposition from Kujan.
  • Build up the tension between Kujan and Verbal by incorporating subtle cues and subtext in their dialogue and body language.
  • Slow down the revelation of Keaton's past and alleged crimes to create a more suspenseful and impactful moment.
  • Explore different ways to reveal Keaton's supposed death and the deaths of witnesses to create a more chilling and mysterious atmosphere.



Scene 16 - Interrogation About Kobayashi
51 INT. RABIN'S OFFICE 51

KUJAN
He was dead just long enough for a murder
rap to blow over, then he had lunch.

SCRIPT DATE 5/25/94

VERBAL
I don't know about that.

KUJAN
I don't think you do. But you say you saw
Keaton die. I think you're covering his
ass and he's still out there somewhere. I
think he was behind that whole circus in
the harbor. My bet is he's using you
because you're stupid and you think he's
your friend. You tell me he's dead, so be
it. I want to make sure he's dead before
I go back to New York.

VERBAL
(Blurting)
He wasn't behind anything. It was the
lawyer.

KUJAN
What lawyer?

PAUSE

KUJAN
What lawyer, Verbal?

Verbal stammers for a moment, looking around wildly.
65.

VERBAL
Back when I was in that barber shop
quartet in Skokie, Illinois I used to
have.

Kujan grabs Verbal's shirt and yanks him half out of his
seat.

KUJAN
You think I don't know you held out on
the D.A.? What did you leave out of that
testimony? I can be on the phone to Ruby
Deemer in ten minutes.

VERBAL
The D.A. gave me immunity.

KUJAN
NOT FROM ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. THERE IS
NO IMMUNITY FROM ME. You atone with me or
the world you live in becomes the hell
you fear in the back of your tiny mind.
Every criminal I have put in prison,

YELLOW 06/11/94

KUJAN
every cop who owes me a favor, every
creeping scumbag that works the street
for a living, will know the name of
Verbal Kint. You'll be the lowest sort of
rat, the prince of snitches, the loudest
cooing stool pigeon that ever grabbed his
ankles for the man. Now you talk to me,
or that precious immunity they've seen so
fit to grant you won't be worth the paper
the contract put out on your life is
printed on.

Verbal looks at Kujan with utter contempt.

VERBAL
There was a lawyer. Kobayashi.
66.

KUJAN
Is he the one that killed Keaton?

VERBAL
No. But I'm sure Keaton's dead.

KUJAN
Convince me. Tell me every last detail.

52 SCENE DELETED 52
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary FBI agent Kujan interrogates Verbal Kint about a lawyer named Kobayashi. Kint initially denies knowing him, but Kujan threatens to expose his immunity deal. Under pressure, Kint reveals that Kobayashi is connected to the murder of Keaton and provides details about his involvement, convincing Kujan that Keaton is indeed dead.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Revealing crucial information
Weaknesses
  • Some stammering in Verbal's dialogue
  • Lack of clarity on certain details

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with intense dialogue and a strong sense of conflict that drives the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a tense interrogation between Verbal and Kujan is executed effectively, revealing key information and building suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot thickens as Verbal's past is further explored, adding layers of complexity to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tense interrogation and the dynamic between the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Verbal and Kujan's dynamic is compelling, with Verbal's defiance and Kujan's determination creating a captivating interaction.

Character Changes: 7

Verbal's defiance and Kujan's determination showcase a shift in their dynamic, hinting at deeper character development to come.

Internal Goal: 8

Verbal's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and maintain his cover while being interrogated by Kujan. He is trying to navigate the situation without revealing too much information.

External Goal: 7

Verbal's external goal is to convince Kujan that he is telling the truth and to ensure his own safety in the face of potential threats.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Verbal and Kujan is intense and multi-layered, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kujan posing a significant threat to Verbal and creating obstacles for him to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Verbal's immunity and Kujan's determination to uncover the truth heighten the tension and suspense of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Verbal's past and setting up future conflicts and revelations.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics between Verbal and Kujan, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around truth and deception. Verbal is trying to maintain his facade while Kujan is trying to uncover the truth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension and suspense, with Verbal's defiance and Kujan's determination creating an emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and drives the conflict forward, revealing crucial information and character motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper dialogue formatting and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a suspenseful interrogation scene, with a clear conflict and rising tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the dialogue and character motivations. Verbal's sudden mention of a lawyer named Kobayashi feels forced and out of context, making it difficult for the audience to follow the conversation.
  • The tension between Kujan and Verbal is not effectively built up, leading to a lack of emotional impact in the scene. The dialogue feels rushed and the conflict between the characters is not fully explored.
  • Verbal's sudden change in demeanor from being defiant to revealing information about Kobayashi feels inconsistent and needs better justification within the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience. As it stands, the dialogue-heavy nature of the scene may make it less engaging for viewers.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the dialogue to provide more context and build up the tension between Kujan and Verbal. This will help make the scene more compelling and emotionally resonant.
  • Provide a clearer motivation for Verbal's sudden revelation about Kobayashi. This could be achieved by integrating this information more seamlessly into the conversation or by foreshadowing it earlier in the script.
  • Explore opportunities to incorporate visual elements or actions that can enhance the scene and create a more dynamic and engaging viewing experience.
  • Consider revising Verbal's character arc in this scene to ensure consistency in his behavior and motivations. This will help create a more believable and compelling interaction between him and Kujan.



Scene 17 - Confrontation in the Hospital Room
53 INT. HOSPITAL - DAY 53

(<< >> DENOTES LINES SPOKEN IN HUNGARIAN)

Kovash's room is now filled with people. Jack Baer stands
next to DANIEL METZHEISER, a balding man in his forties. Next
to him is Doctor Plumber. Across from her is Ridgly Waiters.
Sitting beside the bed is TRACY FITZGERALD, a casually
dressed woman in her late twenties. She holds a 15x20 inch
drawing pad on her lap. Police fill the hall. People are
talking loudly outside. LIONEL BODI, a cop in his mid-
twenties pushes his way in.

BAER
Are you the translator?

BODI
Patrolman Lionel Bodi, sir.

YELLOW 06/11/94

PLUMBER
Agent Beer, this is getting out of hand.

BAER
I'11 see to it we're gone before he blows
his porch light, Doctor. Baer gestures to
Tracy.
67.

BAER
(to Bodi)
This is Tracy Fitzgerald. She's a
composite sketch artist from county.

The young couple smile at one another nervously.

BODI
Hi.

TRACY
Hi.

METZHEISER
(impatient)
I've got a noon meeting, Baer.

PLUMBER
Agent Baer, please.

BAER
Everyone calm down.
(to Bodi)
Ask this man about the shoot-out in the
harbor.

BODI
<<My name is Bodi. How are you'>>

Kovash smiles with relief when he hears his own language.

KOVASH
<<How am 17 You are as stupid as that
one, but at least I can talk to you.>>

BODI
<<You'll be alright. He is from the
F.B.I. He is here to help you. He wants
to know what happened in the harbor.>>

KOVASH
<<We were there to buy a man and take him
back to Hungary.>>
68.

YELLOW 06/11/94

BODI
He says they were buying It doesn't make
sense. I'm sorry, I'm a little rusty.
They were there to buy something.

BAER
Dope, we know.

KOVASH
<<You don't understand me either? God
help me, they are all idiots.
(talking slowly)
We were there to buy a man, you simple
boy. A witness. I don't know his name. A
witness who knew the Devil.>>

BODI
Not dope. Something else. Some what?.. He
doesn't know what they were buying. But
not dope... people.

KOVASH
<<I'll tell you everything. I'11 even say
it slow enough for you to understand it.
Just tell this man I want protection.
Real protection.>>

YELLOW 06/11/94

METZHEISER
Your witness is whacked, Baer.

BODI
He says he'll tell us everything he knows
if we protect him.

.BAER
Tell him fine.

BODI
<<He says that is fine.>>
69.

KOVASH
<<No, no, no. I need a guarantee from the
ridiculous man. I am going to be killed.
I have seen the Devil and looked him in
the eye.>>

BODI
No good. He needs guarantees. He says...
his life is in danger... He has seen the
Devil... looked him in the eye.

METZHEISER
I'11 be on my way.

Baer grabs Metzheiser by the arm.

BAER
(to Bodi)
Tell him to tell this man what he was
telling me before. Who is the Devil? Who
did he see?

BODI
<<Who is this Devil you keep talking
about?>>

KOVASH
Keyser Soze He was in the harbor shooting
everyone in sight.>>

Metzheiser is suddenly interested.

BODI
He says he saw him in the harbor. He was
shooting... Killing... Killing many men.

METZHEISER
Did he say Keyser Soze? He saw Keyser
Soze?
70.

YELLOW 06/11/94

BODI
He says he saw him in the harbor. He was
shooting... Killing... Killing many men.

METZHEISER
Did he say Keyser Soze? He saw Keyser
Soze.

KOVASH
<<Keyser Soze. Keyser Sate. I've seen his
face. I see it when I close my eyes.>>

BODI
He says he knows his face. He sees it
when he closes his eyes.

YELLOW 06/11/94

METZHEISER
Ask him what this Devil looks like.

BAER
(to Tracy)
Ready?

Tracy holds up her pad and pencil. She nods.

54 EXT. LOS ANGELES SKYLINE - DAY - FIVE WEEKS PRIOR 54

VERBAL (V.O.)
McManus' fence was this guy named
Redfoot. He had a good reputation around
L.A. Seemed like a good guy - Looked like
a cowhide full of thumbtacks.
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In the midst of a crowded hospital room, FBI agent Jack Baer interrogates Kovash, a Hungarian witness to a deadly harbor shootout. Kovash demands protection in exchange for his testimony, revealing that he saw Keyser Soze, a notorious criminal, shooting and killing several men. Baer agrees to provide protection, and Kovash proceeds to describe Soze's appearance to composite sketch artist Tracy Fitzgerald.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Revelation of Keyser Soze
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Complex dialogue
  • Lack of visual cues for Hungarian language

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and introduces a crucial plot point with the revelation of Keyser Soze, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a witness seeking protection after encountering a notorious figure adds complexity to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters, driving the story forward.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with the introduction of Keyser Soze and the witness seeking protection, creating intrigue and setting the stage for further developments in the investigation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and intriguing premise with the mention of Keyser Soze and the protagonist's desperate plea for protection. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are involved in a high-stakes situation that tests their loyalties and reveals new information, adding depth to their motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional turmoil and face difficult choices in the scene, lea