Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde

Genres:



Summary The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde follows the story of Dr. Jekyll, a London doctor who experiments with potions to separate good and evil in human nature. However, his experiments become uncontrollable, and he transforms into his evil alter ego, Mr. Hyde, engaging in crimes and violence. The movie also showcases the duality of human nature and the consequences of man's obsession with power and knowledge. Dr. Lanyon tries to help, but is attacked by Hyde, who demands vials from Jekyll's lab. Eventually, Jekyll confesses to his murders, breaks up with Beatrix, and ultimately dies, while Hyde continues to wreak havoc before being caught.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The story follows the general outline of the original Jekyll and Hyde tale but lacks depth and originality. The pacing is inconsistent with too much time spent on mundane events, and the character arcs are underdeveloped. The dialogue is often stilted and lacks nuance, which makes the characters feel one-dimensional. The story relies too heavily on shock value rather than building suspense and intrigue.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, the writer should focus on developing the characters' motivations and relationships. They should strive to create a more compelling and original plot by exploring the themes of duality and power dynamics. The pacing should be more consistent, and the dialogue should be rewritten to give the characters more distinct voices and personalities. The story could benefit from more nuanced and subtle storytelling rather than relying on graphic violence and sexual exploitation. Overall, the writer should approach the material with a fresh perspective, focusing on what makes the story timeless rather than merely reproducing the original plot.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Establishes a clear conflict between good and evil in the opening scene
  • The scene effectively establishes Dr. Jekyll's research as controversial and provocative
  • Strong character development for both Ivy and Hyde
  • Intense action and a tragic ending
  • Compelling plot development
Scene Weaknesses
  • The disruption itself might feel cliché or predictable
  • Sermon topic is not well-defined
  • Dialogue could be more engaging and dynamic
  • Lacks significant emotional impact
  • Depictions of violence may be disturbing
Suggestions
  • To improve the dialogue and make it more engaging, work on developing more nuanced and authentic character voices
  • Focus on incorporating more visual cues to build tension and enhance the horror genre
  • Try to avoid clichéd or predictable plot developments
  • To make the emotional impact of the story stronger, work on developing more complex and specific character motivations
  • To avoid a misogynistic tone, consider reducing or eliminating the violence against women in the story

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Emotional Impact 7.8  78 Narcos: 7.7 American beauty: 7.8
Character Changes 6.5  75 Breaking bad, episode 306: 6.4 Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 6.5
Concept 8.0  69 Narcos: 7.9 Avatar: 8.0
Conflict Level 7.8  61 Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog: 7.7 Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 7.8
High Stakes 7.2  46 Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance): 7.1 Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 7.2
Overall 8.2  45 The sweet hereafter: 8.1 Donnie Darko: 8.2
Characters 8.1  40 Narcos: 8.0 Everything everywhere all at once: 8.1
Plot 7.9  39 Queens Gambit: 7.8 Everything everywhere all at once: 7.9
Story Forward 7.7  38 Breaking Bad: 7.6 Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 7.7
Dialogue 7.2  17 Queens Gambit: 7.1 Avatar: 7.2



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Church Service Interrupted "Serious" 9 8 9 8 67787 9
2 Interruption at Church "tense" 7 8 6 7 58676 6
3 Disruption in Church "Intense" 8 7 8 7 69776 6
4 The Hospital Visit "serious" 8 7 8 8 69887 7
5 Dr. Jekyll's Confrontation with Dr. Heath "tense, emotional" 8 8 8 8 77689 7
6 Jekyll's Ethical Dilemma "calm" 7.8 8 8 8 14323 8
7 Jekyll's Experiments "Suspenseful" 8 9 8 7 36675 7
8 Jekyll Defends His Research "serious" 7 8 7 6 47585 6
9 Dr. Jekyll Defends His Research "serious" 8 9 7 7 67686 8
10 Jekyll defends unorthodox research on the soul "argumentative" 8 9 7 9 38655 8
11 Sir Charles "Wistful" 8 8 7 9 34267 8
12 Jekyll and Beatrix Share Their Melody "romantic, introspective" 8 8 7 9 74578 9
13 Jekyll's Dilemma "Tense" 7 8 7 7 78677 8
14 The Encounter "Melancholic" 8 7 7 9 65467 7
15 Girl in Distress "Romantic, but with tension and conflict" 8 7 7 8 66567 8
16 Jekyll's Flirtation and Advice "Flirtatious, tender, conflicted" 8 8 7 9 76668 8
17 Dr. Jekyll's Temptation "tense" 7 8 7 7 68676 6
18 Jekyll's Experiments "tense" 7 9 7 6 46485 2
19 Jeckyll's Descent "dark" 8 9 7 8 45367 5
20 Jekyll's Experimentation "Dark, Brooding" 9 9 9 8 9810910 7
21 Jekyll's Transformation "dark, intense" 8 7 8 7 79897 6
22 Jeckyll and Beatrix's Encounter "tense" 7 7 7 8 67677 7
23 The Engagement "tense" 9 9 8 9 810989 8
24 Devastating News From Beatrix "melancholic" 9 9 8 8 88789 7
25 Jekyll transforms into Mr. Hyde and seeks out Ivy Pearson "dark" 8 9 8 8 87687 7
26 Hyde's First Night Out "Dark" 8 7 7 8 88687 6
27 Hyde Meets Ivy "tense" 8 9 8 8 68687 8
28 Hyde starts a fight at the Palace of Varieties "tense" 8 9 7 8 510797 6
29 Hyde Offers Ivy a New Life "Dark, seductive" 9 8 9 10 77788 8
30 Hyde Confronts Ivy "dark, violent, manipulative" 8 8 8 7 610989 8
31 Mr. Hyde Confronts Ivy and Marcia "Dark" 9 8 9 8 79998 7
32 Hyde Continues to Manipulate Ivy "dark" 8 7 8 9 67978 7
33 Hyde and Ivy "dark" 8 7 8 9 79988 7
34 Hyde's Manipulation of Ivy "manipulative" 8 8 8 7 78789 6
35 Ivy's Dilemma "Intense" 8 7 8 9 69979 7
36 Proposal and Announcement "emotional" 8 7 8 9 76689 9
37 Jekyll Discovers Ivy's Plight "Dark" 8 7 8 9 78989 7
38 Ivy Seeks Help "Tense" 8 7 8 7 69789 8
39 Jekyll's Transformation "Tense" 8 7 8 7 78988 6
40 Hyde Attacks Ivy "Tense" 9 8 9 10 91010910 8
41 Hyde's Rampage "Dark" 10 9 10 10 911111111 9
42 Hyde's Robbery and Family Troubles "Dark" 8.9 9 9 9 79899 8
43 The Package "tense" 9 8 9 8 69997 7
44 Hyde and Lanyon's Showdown "Tense" 9 9 9 8 88899 8
45 Jekyll's Confession "dark, anguished, desperate" 9 8 9 10 10910911 9
46 Jekyll's Confession "tense" 9 8 9 10 81010910 8
47 Paradise Lost "melancholic" 9 8 8 10 1088711 9
48 The Escape of Hyde "Intense" 8 8 9 8 81010109 7
49 Hyde flees to Jekyll's laboratory "tense" 8 9 8 7 691098 6
50 The Fall of Dr. Jekyll "intense, tragic" 8 9 8 7 9101089 6


Scene 1 - Church Service Interrupted
"DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE"

Written by

John Lee Mahin

Based on the novel
"Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde"
by Robert Louis Stevenson




Copyright © 1941 Shooting Script, 1941
Loew's Inc., US;
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM),
Culver City, CA
FADE IN:

1 CLOSE SHOT - MAN'S FACE 1

It is a large, sincere and kindly face, of about fifty-five
years of age, perfectly in keeping with the slow, resonant
tones in which its owner speaks.

MAN
(as we fade in)
... with purity in our hearts, with
right thinking in our minds, we arm
ourselves with an intolerance of all
evil! Thus, it is on this glorious
Sabbath morning, in this momentous
year, 1887, that we naturally turn
our thoughts to that way of life as
exemplified by Victoria, Our Beloved
Queen. For this week begins Her
Majesty's Golden Jubilee. Her strength
and goodness, her Christian
principles, have walked in the light
of God ever since her ascension to
the throne. From her heart has come
an ever-increasing flow of virtue
and moral blessing with which she
has endowed us, her loving subjects.

As the man speaks we BOOM BACK AND AROUND SLOWLY to discover
ourselves in All Souls Southwick Church, London. The man
speaking is the Bishop, talking from the pulpit, backed up
by the well-appointed magnificence of the Anglican altar. WE
PAN AROUND the congregation in the pews. For the most, they
are the well-dressed and well-bred families of the period,
listening attentively.

1A CLOSE SHOT - IN BACK - MAN AND WOMAN 1A

This is where the less well-to-do parishioners are seated. A
rugged, but strange-looking man of middle-age is seated here
with his wife. She is watching him anxiously. He is listening
intently to the sermon, his head cocked forward. Then he
looks away, passes his hand over his brow, and seems as though
to rise - as he looks at the Bishop o.s.

WIFE
(detaining him, with
a nervous agonized
whisper)
Sam - no! What's wrong, Sam -?

He looks at her, subsides, clenching his jaw.
2.



2 CLOSE SHOT - BISHOP 2

AS HE CONTINUES:

BISHOP
(continuing)
She came upon a world sadly mired in
ways of the flesh, and during her
reign the forces of good have achieved
notable and great victories over the
forces of evil. And though we know
not the time nor the season, we know
that Evil in God's own time shall be
wiped out by God.

At this point the Bishop is startled by the interruption of
a high-pitched, scornful evil laugh coming from the back of
the church. He looks up.

3 CLOSE SHOT - IN BACK - MAN AND WOMAN 3

The man is laughing evilly at the Bishop. His horrified little
wife is trying to quiet him, and then looking about her at
the other startled people.

WOMAN
(agonized)
Sam -- Sam --

MAN
(sneering out)
Evil wiped out, eh? So you want to
take all the fun out of life, eh,
Bishop?

3A CLOSE SHOT - BISHOP 3A

With hardly a flicker he continues:

BISHOP
And may we not live for the day,
when, in the words of Holy writ, the
Devil shall be cast into the
bottomless pit?

4 GROUP SHOT - CONGREGATION 4

The laughter from o.s. continues a little. One or two half
turn about. Several look at each other, then back to the
Bishop with stiff-backed composure.

BISHOP'S VOICE
For surely the roots of the realm
and its peoples have sprung from a
new goodness during these last decades --
3.



5 CLOSE SHOT - TOWARD ALTAR - GROUP 5

They are the backs of an elderly gentleman, a young girl and
fine-looking man of about thirty with a Byronic head. As the
laughter continues through the Bishop's persistent intonation,
the man turns full face into CAMERA AND looks back toward
the disturbance. He is Dr. Henry Jekyll, his vital features
alive with interest.

BISHOP'S VOICE
(continuing)
At the family hearth, in the shops
of industry, in the very Christian
graciousness with which men and women
greet each other during the everyday --

6 OUT. 6

7 CLOSE SHOT - MAN IN BACK 7

MAN
Bottomless Pit, my eye! Good old
Beelzebub - the boy with the horns
and the spiked tail - they're always
running him down and he's the winner
in the end every time.

A man in back of him tries to pull him down, quietly. He
shakes him off laughing. In the b.g. the aislemen are hurrying
down to him.

8 GROUP SHOT - CONGREGATION 8

Still they do not look about much, paying even more attention
to the Bishop.

BISHOP'S VOICE
... everyday hours. Certainly this
universal goodness is evidenced all
about us more and more as we --
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary A disruption occurs during a sermon in a London church in 1887, when a strange man interrupts the Bishop and scoffs at his message of intolerance towards evil. The interruption causes a stir in the congregation.
Strengths
  • Establishes a clear conflict between good and evil in the opening scene
  • Provides foreshadowing for the dual nature of human beings that will be further explored in the story
  • Introduces Dr. Jekyll as a character who shows interest in the disturbance, making him immediately stand out
Weaknesses
  • The disruption itself might feel cliché or predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can provide some feedback on the scene. Overall, the scene establishes the setting and tone effectively, and introduces key characters and conflicts in a clear manner. However, there are some areas where the writing could be improved:

- The exposition-heavy dialogue of the Bishop feels overly long and unnatural, as if he is giving a scripted speech rather than speaking naturally to his congregation. Consider trimming some of the dialogue or finding a way to convey this information more organically.

- The description of the man in the back laughing evilly feels repetitive, as it is mentioned multiple times in quick succession. Consider finding a more concise way to convey his disruptive behavior without repeating yourself.

- The use of "o.s." (off-screen) in the dialogue cues feels unnecessary, as it is clear from context where the sound is coming from. Consider removing these cues to streamline the scene.

Overall, the scene has potential and sets up interesting conflicts and tension between characters. With some tweaks to the dialogue and descriptions, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest focusing on the character development and the central conflict of the story in this opening scene. While the speech by the Bishop sets the tone for the time period, it doesn't necessarily grab the audience's attention or introduce the main characters.

One possible suggestion would be to start with Dr. Jekyll in the audience, perhaps showing his interest piqued by the Bishop's words about morality and goodness. He could be staring intently at the Bishop, showing his fascination and perhaps foreshadowing his eventual descent into darkness as Mr. Hyde.

Additionally, the interruption by the strange man in the back could be heightened to create more tension and introduce the conflict of the story. Perhaps he could make threatening comments to the other parishioners or even approach Dr. Jekyll, foreshadowing the danger that lurks in the city and the potential for violence or chaos.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more character development and an increased sense of conflict to draw in the audience and set up the rest of the story.



Scene 2 - Interruption at Church
9 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 9

As he looks back, studying man. The young girl with him starts
to look back but the old gentleman on her other side nudges
her not to do so.

10 CLOSE SHOT - BISHOP 10

With barely a flutter of an eyelid he continues, cutting it
short.




(CONTINUED)
4.

10 CONTINUED: 10

BISHOP
-- as we live under the gentle hand
of Her Majesty, and worship the glory
and wonder that is God. It is because
of these things that - that -
(he gives a signal to
the choir-master)
- the world moves forward today.

11 CLOSE SHOT - CHOIR MASTER 11

He signals over to the organist in the b.g. He motions to
the awed kids in the choir to stop looking toward the back
of the church. The music starts the introduction to the choral
anthem.

12 GROUP SHOT - IN BACK - AROUND MAN 12

The aislemen are struggling with him.

MAN
(with a last shout)
You don't think evil is on a holiday
in here, do you? Ask this bunch here
when they met up with Old Nick last!
Good Old Beelzebub! -- Blasphemy, I
call it, to talk that way about a
man's best friend!

But he is drowned out both by the sudden high soprano boys'
choir and the booming of the organ, as well as the fact that
the three aisle - men drag him out of the pew into the vestry.
The poor wife follows. But the other people hardly notice
him, in their disciplined conservatism. One aisleman dashes
on ahead.

13 GROUP SHOT - VESTRY 13

A knot of aislemen are around the raving, twisting man. He
is laughing and muttering evilly. The little wife is hovering
about, wringing her hands, as they lead the man from the
main part of the church.

AD LIB
(in hushed tones)
Here, here, now man - Never heard of
such a thing... ssh! Did Parker go
for a constable? Yes. Take his other
arm... This is frightful...

WOMAN
(agonized)
Sam dear - no, lad - no...



(CONTINUED)
5.

13 CONTINUED: 13

Just at this moment Jekyll comes hurrying out into the vestry.

JEKYLL
(with calm authority)
One moment, please.

The aislemen step back.

MAN
(to Jekyll, who studies
him)
Let me back in there and I'll tell
'em what a grown man really thinks
about -

Jekyll feels the man's pulse, lifts his eye-lid. The man
backs away a little.

JEKYLL
(to woman)
How long has this been going on?

WOMAN
It's - it's been coming on him worse,
sir - ever since the explosion.

JEKYLL
(very interested now)
Oh, a shock, eh?... Excellent - I
see --

MAN
(slyly - to Jekyll)
You're a hearty, full-blooded young
man - you tell 'em...

WOMAN
I thought maybe if we came to church
it would --

MAN
(trying to nudge Jekyll)
We know - don't we?

WOMAN
(as man laughs again)
No, Sam - there now -

The man edges her away from him. In the meantime, Jekyll has
taken a card out and is writing on it. At this moment, another
aisleman comes in with a very officious constable.




(CONTINUED)
6.

13 CONTINUED: (2) 13

CONSTABLE
Hey - make way here! What's all
this about? What's all this here -
(taking man who he
sees is struggling)
Drunk and disorderly, eh? Well --

JEKYLL
(handing constable
the card)
No, Constable. Take him to the Camden
Hospital. Give this card to Dr. Heath.

CONSTABLE
Better get him to the station, sir.
It's always -
(then seen name on
card, and looks up
at Jekyll with sudden
respect)
Oh, Dr. Jekyll! Bats, is he? Right,
sir. Camden Hospital it is, Dr.
Jekyll!
(takes man's arm,
cheerily)
All right there now, my beauty -
upsy-daisy! We'll go and get a little
fresh air in the belfry, eh?

WE PAN HIM out with the man, the woman following.

MAN
(as he is being led
out, calling back
over his shoulder)
Jekyll, eh? Go on back and try to
put old Beelzebub on his pit bottom,
Jekyll! He'll show you! He'll poke
his red beard over the rim! He jumps
on hot fiery rubber, he does!

14 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 14
Genres: ["drama","historical"]

Summary A man interrupts a church service causing a stir in the congregation and is eventually escorted out by the aislemen and a constable. Dr. Jekyll, who is attending the service, examines the man and gives the constable a card to take him to the Camden Hospital.
Strengths
  • Tense situation created by the unexpected interruption
  • Doctor character adds depth and intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Sermon topic is not well-defined

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 6

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. The action and dialogue are a bit confusing and could be clarified. It's not always clear who is speaking or what exactly is happening.

2. The character of Jekyll doesn't seem to have much of a purpose in this scene. He appears briefly and doesn't seem to impact the action in any significant way.

3. The scene doesn't seem to have much of a purpose in the overall narrative. It doesn't reveal much about the characters or move the story forward.

Overall, there could be more clarity and purpose in this scene.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to tighten up the dialogue and make it more concise. Cut out any unnecessary exposition and try to make the dialogue flow more naturally. Additionally, consider adding some more visual description to enhance the scene and create a stronger sense of setting and atmosphere. Finally, consider highlighting the conflict or tension in the scene, whether it be between characters or within a character themselves, to make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 3 - Disruption in Church
As he looks after the man, considering him, turns and goes
back into church.

MAN'S VOICE
(o.s., with awful
laugh)
Dr. Jekyll, eh?... ha, ha, ha - Go
back and be good, Dr. Jekyll...




(CONTINUED)
7.

14 CONTINUED: 14

The voice diminishes, as Jekyll turns and walks back into
church.

15 PAN SHOT JEKYLL 15

WE HOLD as he comes down the aisle to his pew. Just as he
reaches the pew the congregation rises and starts singing
the hymn to which the choir has been singing the introduction.
WE PAN HIM into his pew where he immediately starts singing
with his two companions. The girl is young, lovely, ripely
virginal, Beatrix Emery. She gives Jekyll a little questioning
look as he comes into pew. The elderly man is her father,
Sir Charles Emery - hawk nose over white mustache - correct
and cultured in his imperious strength. As they sing, we

DISSOLVE TO:

15A FULL SHOT - EXT. - CHURCH STEPS 15A

Service is over and the crowd is coming out. Inside the church
we hear the organ. Sir Charles, Beatrix and Jekyll are coming
out. WE PAN THEM DOWN THE STEPS across to the carriages at
the curb.

SIR CHARLES
(bowing to a lady and
gentlemen)
Harrison... good morning!
(turns to Beatrix and
Jekyll)
Well, we've just time for a turn in
the park -

BEATRIX
Harry has to leave us, Father.

JEKYLL
I must get to the hospital, sir.

SIR CHARLES
Hospital? On a Sunday? Oh, you mean
that outrageous individual that -?

BEATRIX
Harry says Providence dropped the
poor man right into his lap.

SIR CHARLES
But this is most unusual, my boy.
You know, we always take our stroll
before --

JEKYLL
I'm sorry, but it is, sir. Most
unusual.

(CONTINUED)
8.

15A CONTINUED: 15A

By this time they have reached Sir Charles [...] smart open
carriage. A footman stands holding the door open for them. A
groom, in similar livery, is on the box.

BEATRIX
(turning to him)
See you at the Marley's tonight,
now. Don't be late.

JEKYLL
And let you have free rein with all
those men?

He kisses her on the lips, much to Sir Charles' consternation.
She laughs and gets into carriage. Sir Charles, nervous about
the kiss, looking about to see who has noticed it, follows
Beatrix into carriage.

15B CLOSE TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL 15B

She sits with her hand resting on the side of the carriage.
O.s. the footman closes the door.

JEKYLL
(intimately)
That's a very silly little hat, by
the way.

BEATRIX
I knew you'd like it.

JEKYLL
(picking up her hand -
kissing it)
There's really nothing about you
that I like at all.

As he holds her hand, he makes a surreptious little bite at
it.

15C CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 15C

He has been watching; he starts nervously as he sees Jekyll
do this.

SIR CHARLES
(to groom, o.s.)
All right, Jenkins.

15D GROUP SHOT - AROUND CARRIAGE 15D

The carriage drives o.s. Jekyll starts backing away, in the
opposite direction, waving to Beatrix. He backs into a fat
old dowager.


(CONTINUED)
9.

15D CONTINUED: 15D

JEKYLL
(to glaring dowager)
I beg your pardon!

15E CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX AND SIR CHARLES - INT. CARRIAGE - 15E
PROCESS

Beatrix is waving and laughs louder as she sees Jekyll's
dilemna o.s. As she laughs louder, Sir Charles pulls her
around.

SIR CHARLES
My dear - please -

BEATRIX
But you didn't see him. He backed
right into Lady --

SIR CHARLES
My dear Beatrix - I'm a very broad-
minded man, as you know - but despite
the fact that you and Harry are
engaged to be married, I wish he
wouldn't carry on his demonstrations
of affection in public.

BEATRIX
Now, Father darling - don't be
pompous.

SIR CHARLES
(bowing to a passerby
o.s.)
But good heavens - nibbling your
knuckles...

Beatrix bursts out in a peal of healthy laughter, throwing
back her head.
Genres: ["Drama","Period Piece"]

Summary A man disrupts a church service, causing a stir in the congregation. Dr. Jekyll examines the man and gives the constable a card to take him to the hospital. Jekyll then attends a service with Beatrix Emery and her father, Sir Charles, but is interrupted by the man's voice. After the service, Beatrix and Sir Charles leave in a carriage while Jekyll heads to the hospital.
Strengths "The scene sets up the conflict and introduces the main characters"
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more engaging and dynamic"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene sets up some key relationships and conflicts, but the dialogue and action could be improved to create more impact.

The introduction of the man in need is a bit abrupt and could benefit from some context or foreshadowing. The man's voice and laugh also come across as a bit caricatured, which detracts from the seriousness of the situation.

The interaction between Jekyll and Beatrix is somewhat awkward and could use some more natural-sounding dialogue to establish their relationship and chemistry. The kiss at the end of the scene feels forced and doesn't quite fit with the tone and setting of the church.

Sir Charles is a well-defined character, but his disapproval of Jekyll's actions feels a bit predictable and one-dimensional. Adding more layers to his personality could make him a more interesting and complex foil to Jekyll.

Overall, the scene has potential but could use some reworking to make the characters and conflicts more fully realized.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Add more action or movement to the scene. As it stands, the scene is mostly dialogue with characters standing in one place. Consider adding more movement or action to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

2. Develop the characters further. Right now, the characters feel a bit flat and stereotypical. Try to give them more depth and complexity, with unique quirks and motivations.

3. Show, don't tell. The dialogue feels a bit forced and on-the-nose. Try to convey more information through actions and visuals, rather than just having the characters say things out loud.

4. Add more conflict or tension. The scene feels a bit too pleasant and uneventful. Consider adding some conflict or tension to make it more engaging for the audience.

5. Play with tone. The scene has a fairly consistent tone throughout. Try to mix it up by adding humor or drama to make it more interesting.



Scene 4 - The Hospital Visit
SIR CHARLES
(quickly)
Beatrix -!

16-25 OUT.

15F CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX - PROCESS 15F

She controls herself, and subsides to a giggle, shaking her
head at her Father's attitude, as we

DISSOLVE TO:
10.



16 CLOSE SHOT - INT. HOSPITAL - MRS. HIGGINS' FACE 16

Mrs. Higgins is the woman with the man who caused the
disturbance in the church. She is sobbing silently in contrast
to Beatrix and WE PULL BACK to see her standing outside a
door in the corridor of the hospital. AS WE HOLD the door
opens and a young interne steps out with a rather
surreptitious look back into the room. All we can see in the
room is the end of a bed with a man's feet strapped to it.

MAN'S VOICE
(Higgins, as door
opens)
Now, Doctor, my lad - as man to man -
we know what's fun in life and what
isn't! Eh, Doctor?

The man laughs wildly. The interne closes the door quietly
and WE PAN HIM as he hurries down the hall to the end, and
enters a door.

17 CLOSE SHOT - DOOR AT END 17

On it is marked: "House Physician - Dr. Heath."

INTERNE'S VOICE
I'm sorry, sir. But Dr. Jekyll insists
going ahead with treatment.

HEATH'S VOICE
But that mustn't be! The man's under
observation!

INTERNE'S VOICE
Yes, sir. That's what I told him,
but -- You better come, sir.

The young interne comes out with Dr. Heath, a matured
physician of about fifty. Dr. Heath wears a worried frown on
his face. WE TRUCK WITH THEM a little way back toward the
room.

DR. HEATH
(agitated - as they
come out)
He has no right to do such a thing!

INTERNE
I suggested it would be better that
he consult you first, sir - but he
still --

DR. HEATH
I know. Thank you, Fenwick.


(CONTINUED)
11.

17 CONTINUED: 17

WE PAN them on down the hall to the door where Mrs. Higgins
is waiting.

18 CLOSE SHOT - AT PATIENT'S DOOR 18

Dr. Heath enters the room. Mrs. Higgins sobbing, puts her
hand on the interne's arm as he is about to follow. Inside,
the man Higgins is laughing evilly.

MRS. HIGGINS
Isn't there anything they can -?

INTERNE
Everything possible is being done,
Mrs. Higgins. Dr. Jekyll knows more
about your husband's case than any
other mental specialist in London.

HIGGINS' VOICE
(from inside)
Why! Here's another doctor! But don't
ask him! He's too old!

The interne closes the door. The man's high laugh comes from
inside. Almost immediately the door is opened by Dr. Heath
who comes out with Jekyll.

DR. HEATH
It's a matter of ethics, Jekyll. I
can't allow it.

MRS. HIGGINS
Dr. Jekyll, can't I go in and --

JEKYLL
(gently, patting her
shoulder)
Not yet, Mrs. Higgins. Bear up now.
That's the way you said you'd help -
remember.

Continues to Heath as WE PAN THEM DOWN the corridor, Jekyll
obviously trying to control himself

JEKYLL
But, good heavens, man - this is the
chance of a lifetime for me. The
more I see of the case the more I
realize it.

The stop a little way down the hall, opposite an open
unoccupied room.
12.



19 TWO SHOT - HEATH AND JEKYLL 19

HEATH
It's quite possible that this case
might fall within the bounds of your
research. You know how we've all
admired your other work in the past.
And personally, I'd like to bow to
your opinion here, but in my position
as head of the staff, I cannot
countenance --

He stops and realizes they are being watched o.s. as he looks
down the hall.

20 CLOSE SHOT - MRS. HIGGINS - THEIR ANGLE 20

She stands looking at them pathetically, wringing her hand.

21 TWO SHOT - JEKYLL AND HEATH 21

HEATH
(indicating open door)
Better come in here.

They go into vacant room and close door.

22 SLOW TRUCKING SHOT - MRS. HIGGINS 22

She looks at the room her husband is in, then starts
timorously along the hall to the door behind which are Heath
and Jekyll. WE HOLD A SECOND here. She would like to go in.
She starts to knock. Jekyll's and Heath's voices are only
murmurs.

JEKYLL'S VOICE
(suddenly rising clear)
But I'm not witch doctor!

HEATH'S VOICE
(rising, too - very
clear)
Who's called you a witch doctor? You
told me yourself you've had no
definite success. I can't allow you
to experiment with -

There are sudden quick footsteps toward door, and it is flung
open by Jekyll.
Genres: ["drama","historical"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll examines a patient in a hospital against the wishes of his colleague, Dr. Heath. Mrs. Higgins, the patient's wife, waits outside and is reassured by Jekyll. The patient inside the room laughs deliriously.
Strengths "The conflict between Jekyll and Heath adds tension to the scene, while Mrs. Higgins' anxiety creates empathy for her situation. The patient's delirium also adds to the intrigue."
Weaknesses "There could be more dialogue and action to move the story forward, and the motivations of Jekyll and Heath could be clearer."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene seems to be a part of a larger plot line. It is difficult to evaluate the quality of the scene without the context of the rest of the story. The scene starts in one location and transitions to another with no clear motivation for the cut. Additionally, the dialogue is somewhat unclear and difficult to follow at times. There is also a lack of description and visual detail in the scene, making it difficult to imagine the setting and characters. More descriptive language and clear-cut motivations for each character's actions would strengthen this scene.
Suggestions The scene contains a lot of dialogue and exposition, which can be overwhelming for the audience. To improve this scene, it is suggested to break down the dialogue into smaller chunks, making it more digestible for the audience. Scenes can also benefit from some visual storytelling, such as using camera shots and movements to convey the emotions of the characters. Additionally, the scene might be better served by focusing on one central conflict, rather than several competing storylines. This will allow the audience to invest more in the characters and their struggles. Lastly, it is important to keep in mind the pacing of the scene and the overall story - does this scene move the plot forward, or is it simply providing information? If it is not essential to the plot, it may need to be cut or condensed.



Scene 5 - Dr. Jekyll's Confrontation with Dr. Heath
HEATH
(following him)
Why, the man's a human being -!

Jekyll wheels on him at the door, his eyes blazing.

(CONTINUED)
13.

22 CONTINUED: 22

JEKYLL
You mean he was a human being! And
he'd have another chance at it, if
you'd keep your hide-bound ethics
out of this! There aren't any rules
for discovering medical Utopia! Or
perhaps you haven't the courage to
face what might be the greatest -!

He stops, glaring impotently at Heath, who steps back a
little, so vehement is Jekyll's look and attitude. Then,
with an inarticulate growl of disgust, Jekyll wheels away
quickly, AS WE TRUCK AND PAN with him to the end of the
corridor and around the corner. The tension of his anger
relaxes into a bitter smile as he walks along. He passes
some swinging glass opaque doors marked: "CHILDREN'S WARD",
and is about to go on when he thinks of something and turns
back, entering the ward.

23 PAN SHOT - JEKYLL - INT. WARD 23

As he walks down between corridor of beds and steps quickly
behind screen which covers the fourth of fifth bed. This is
obviously the Children's Orthepedoic Ward as we see by the
condition of the patients in the various beds.



24 CLOSE SHOT - AT BED 24

A small boy has obviously been badly smashed in an accident.
A worried young father, sitting by the bed, gets up quickly
as Jekyll comes in. The little boy, his legs suspended in a
pully contraption, smiles weakly at Jekyll as the latter
feels his pulse.

JEKYLL
(to little boy)
Hullo, Tommy Atkins - how's the war?

The little boy laughs in weak happiness.

FATHER
(to Jekyll)
He's - he's going to be all right,
isn't he, doctor?

Jekyll waits a second, counting pulse.

JEKYLL
(smiling at boy)
Charlie and I never had a doubt about
it, did we, Charlie?

At this moment o.s. we hear a little girl's voice wailing.

(CONTINUED)
14.

24 CONTINUED: 24

LITTLE GIRL'S VOICE (O.S.)
I can't! Please, nurse --

NURSE'S VOICE (O.S.)
Now do as nurse says, Dorothy.

Jekyll looks in the direction of the voice and walks off
o.s.

25 35 GROUP SHOT - AISLE BETWEEN BEDS 25

A nurse is trying to get a little girl of five or six to
throw away her crutches and walk. The little girl is
frightened. Neither of them notices Jekyll as he comes out
in the aisle and watches the scene.

NURSE
Give the crutches to nurse now,
Dorothy.

DOROTHY
(her lip quivering)
I can't! I'll fall again. I don't
want to fall again.

NURSE
(starting to reason
again)
Dorothy dear, listen to me. If I
tell you -?

26 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 26

Jekyll is studying Dorothy o.s.

DOROTHY'S VOICE
But I'll hurt myself some more. I
can't walk.

JEKYLL
(suddenly - firmly)
Dorothy!
(he exits towards her)

27 CLOSE SHOT - DOROTHY AND JEKYLL 27

as she looks at Jekyll, who comes into SCENE.

DOROTHY
(slowly)
What, sir?

JEKYLL
Give me those crutches.
15.



28 FULL SHOT 28

Dorothy allows Jekyll to take the crutches from her. She
stands wavering.

JEKYLL
(without holding out
hands)
Now walk. Walk here to me.

Dorothy teeters after him as he backs up slowly for fifteen
feet. As she reaches Jekyll he kneels down and steadies her.

29 GROUP SHOT - JEKYLL, DOROTHY AND NURSE 29

DOROTHY
(looking at him in
wonder)
I walked! I walked, didn't I?

JEKYLL
(almost severely)
Dorothy, always remember you can do
anything in this world you put your
mind to.
(then patting her
head with a grin)
Why, you'll be dancing on Hampstead
Heath next Bank Holiday!

He straightens up and hands her over to the nurse who exits
with her. Jekyll turns and WE PAN HIM OUT of the ward.

30 FULL SHOT - EXT. WARD 30

Just as Jekyll comes out into corridor; he is joined by a
pleasant, solid-looking man of about his age, Dr. John Lanyon,
his friend and colleague. Lanyon, a stethescope about his
neck, yet attired as Jekyll, looks concerned as WE TRUCK
THEM down the corridor.

DR. LANYON
Harry, old boy, what's up? There're
rumors of a tiff between you and --
Genres: ["drama","historical"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll stands up for his medical beliefs and ethics when Dr. Heath questions his actions. He then visits a children's ward where he helps a little girl walk, showing his kindheartedness. Dr. Lanyon confronts Dr. Jekyll about rumors of a tiff between him and someone else.
Strengths "This scene does an excellent job of showing Dr. Jekyll's steadfast ethical beliefs and his kind and compassionate nature. The confrontation with Dr. Heath is tense and emotional, and the scene with the little girl is heartwarming."
Weaknesses "The dialogue between Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Heath could be more impactful, and the stakes of the scene are not particularly high."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene seems well-written and effective in conveying the character of Dr. Jekyll. The dialogue and actions demonstrate his passion for medicine and his willingness to push boundaries. The scenes with the children also humanize him and show his caring side. However, the scene could benefit from more visual description and variety in sentence structure. Some of the longer sentences could be broken up and more attention could be given to specific details to enhance the reader's immersion in the scene.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to clarify the conflict between Jekyll and Heath in the beginning. It is not clear what they are arguing about and why Jekyll is so angry. It would also help to provide more context about Jekyll's experiments and how they relate to his interactions with the patients in the ward. Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened and made more natural, as some of the lines sound a bit stilted and unnatural. Finally, it could be helpful to show more of Jekyll's internal struggle and motivations for his actions, as this would make him a more complex and interesting character.



Scene 6 - Jekyll's Ethical Dilemma
JEKYLL
(with a calming
gesture, and a rueful
smile)
Don't worry, John. The bull is leaving
the china shop.

DR. LANYON
But you must realize that Heath has
his --

(CONTINUED)
16.

30 CONTINUED: 30

JEKYLL
(sardonically, yet
with affection)
I realize, Dr. John Lanyon, my friend
and eminently respected surgeon that
your Dr. Heath is right. My treatment
was not yet thoroughly proven. And
if we doctors were allowed to
experiment on human beings, too many
things would go wrong - and human
beings might lose faith even in the
proven good of medicine. Isn't that
it?

By this time WE HOLD as they reach a table near the foyer on
which doctors have placed their hats and sticks and from
which Jekyll picks up his.

DR. LANYON
(attempting to reason)
Harry --

JEKYLL
(now definitely)
But I'm not far from proof! And when
I get it: Ethics or no ethics!

Lanyon shrugs, and laughs, patting Jekyll with a soothing
gesture on the back, and exiting o.s. down another turn of
the corridor.

Then Jekyll thinks of something and starts quickly back down
the corridor just as the interne of the previous SCENE rounds
a corner to meet him, carrying a leather vial case. WE HOLD.

INTERNE
(handing case to him)
I thought perhaps you'd --

JEKYLL
(quickly, serious)
Yes.
(opens case, runs his
fingers over tops of
vials disclosed to
see if all are there,
then closes it)
Thank you, Fenwick.

We PAN HIM as he turns back toward foyer again, taking out a
key and locking case as he goes, as we,

DISSOLVE TO:

41-42 OUT.
17.



31 FULL SHOT - EXT. JEKYLL'S HOUSE - LATER 31

It is the type of house found in Harley Street of Adam
architecture, proving Jekyll's means and position. Jekyll's
carriage draws up and stops.

31A CLOSER SHOT - AT CARRIAGE 31A

Jekyll merely sits and stares ahead of him, unaware that he
is home. The groom, not hearing him open the door, looks
around. This causes Jekyll to look at the groom, realize
they have reached home.

JEKYLL
Oh - yes, Burke -

He gets out, and WE PAN HIM up to the front door. He takes
out his key and enters.

32 OUT. 32

33 FULL SHOT - INT. ENTRANCE HALL - JEKYLL'S HOUSE 33

Jekyll lets himself in with the key, walks slowly to the
center of the hall, stands there in thought for a second.
Poole, his butler, an old man full of warm adoration for
him, is hurrying down the stairs, and goes to him.

POOLE
(taking his hat and
stick)
Good afternoon, sir.

JEKYLL
(almost to himself)
Hello, Poole...

POOLE
I'm so glad you're home for tea,
sir. Where will you take it?

JEKYLL
(strolling slowly
away)
Oh - anywhere....




(CONTINUED)
18.

33 CONTINUED: 33

POOLE
(hurrying up beside
him)
I'll be bound you've had no lunch...
those hospitals. Some nice buttered
crumpets, sir - but we mustn't have
too much, or we shan't be eating a
good dinner at the Marley's - and
Miss Beatrix would be after me
properly.

JEKYLL
(not having heard a
word)
Hmmm...

With this he quickens his pace, and darts through an entrance
way off the hall.

34 FULL PAN SHOT - EXT. COURTYARD AND BRIDGE - JEKYLL'S HOUSE 34

The back court and garden are sunk below the ground level of
the main house. Jekyll comes from the main house across a
bridge which leads to another separate building in back, his
laboratory. He reaches door of lab. Poole stands in the door
of the main house.

POOLE
Shall I serve it in the laboratory,
sir?

35 CLOSE SHOT - POOLE - AT DOOR OF MAIN HOUSE 35

POOLE
(calling after him -
losing patience)
Now you must have something, you
know -!

He stops as WE HEAR a door slam o.s. He shakes his head
hopelessly.
19.



36 FULL SHOT - INT. LAB 36
Genres: ["drama","medical"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll ignores his colleague's concerns about his experimental treatment methods. He visits his laboratory and is served tea by his butler, Poole.
Strengths "Dr. Jekyll's unwavering determination adds depth to his character. The dialogue between Jekyll and his colleagues is well-written and thought-provoking. Poole's loyalty and affability make him a likable character."
Weaknesses "The lack of action and high stakes in the scene may make it less engaging for some viewers. The somewhat repetitive debate over Jekyll's treatment methods may also feel tired to some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.8


Story Content

Concept: 8.2

Plot: 7.5

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7.9

Character Changes: 1

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 2

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 3

Dialogue: 7.8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-constructed and engaging. The dialogue between Jekyll and Dr. Lanyon serves to reveal characterization and conflict. The setting of the entrance hall and courtyard provide a contrast between the controlled and refined setting of the house and the experimental and unpredictable nature of Jekyll's laboratory.

One suggestion for improvement would be to make the exchange between Jekyll and the interne more explicit in terms of the purpose of the vials. It is not clear to the audience what is in the vial case or why it is important to Jekyll's experiment. Further elaboration would enhance the tension and stakes of the story.
Suggestions Overall, the scene has good dialogue and characterization, but the pacing could be improved. Here are some suggestions:

1. Cut down some of the dialogue exchanges between Jekyll and Lanyon - at times it feels repetitive and slows down the scene.
2. Build up the tension and stakes of the scene by emphasizing Jekyll's desperation and eagerness to prove his treatment. This will make the final moment where he heads back to his lab more impactful.
3. Add more sensory details to the scene to immerse the audience in Jekyll's world. What does the lab look and smell like? How does Jekyll move through the space? By adding more sensory information, the scene will come alive and engage the audience more fully.



Scene 7 - Jekyll's Experiments
In the center of the room is a huge work-table covered by a
strange series of test tubes, vials, crucibles, a smelter...
and a mysterious pharaphernailia of connected glass stills
form a weird unknown world in themselves. There is a cabinet
full of surgical instruments and another larger closed cabinet
with a heavy lock. There is little furniture except a writing
desk with a file and a chair. Jekyll hurries along a balcony
and down a flight of steps at the back into the room. He
places his case on the table. WE DOLLY AND PAN HIM over to a
row of cages filled with rats, guinea pigs and rabbits. His
manner is anxious, anticipatory. He looks at the first two
or three cages. In the first a couple of guinea pigs seem
rather active. He looks at their actions closely. He seems a
little excited as he passes to the next two cages, but then
his expression falls.

36A CLOSE SHOT - TWO CAGES - HIS ANGLE - 36A

In one a large rabbit lies dead. In the second is a large
dead rat.

36B CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 36B

He reaches o.s. and picks out the two dead animals. WE PAN
HIM down the wall a little.

-- [19] --

He takes a large rabbit out of a smaller cage. It is gentle
and sniffs his hand. He strokes its head. WE PAN HIM back as
he puts the rabbit into the experimental cage and then PAN
HIM as he picks up a heavy glove and puts it on his hand. He
stops by a cage in which is a large wharf rat, and reaches
in for it with his gloved hand.

36C CLOSE SHOT - RAT - INT. CAGE 36C

He backs into a corner as Jekyll's hand enters and then
springs at Jekyll's fingers, biting the leather. But Jekyll's
hand pins him down by the back of the neck.
20.



36D CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 36D

He brings the rat out and WE PAN him as he places it in the
second experimental cage. He picks up the two dead animals,
crosses with them to the main laboratory table. He unlocks
his case and takes out a single vial and looks from vial to
the dead animals. We feel a connection between them and the
attempted treatment of Higgins. Jekyll frowns, then
immediately starts to work. He takes out an oral syringe,
tests it, looking back at the fresh animals, then he lights
a gas flame under a tube, starts arranging a cooling coil,
etc., mixing concoctions, and WE DOLLY INTO HIS troubled
face, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

37 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX - INT. MARLEY DINING ROOM 37

Her expression is also troubled. She sits dawdling with her
dessert, and then she looks o.s. as WE PULL BACK ALONG the
table.

The Marley dining room is typical of the period, high stiff
chairs, seating fourteen people. They are in evening dress.
Mr. Marley, the vacant-looking host, sits at one end. On his
left, in order, are: Mrs. French, [...] Courtney - a bearded
conservative of the profession, Mrs. Courtney, Sir Charles,
Mrs. Weymouth - a female eagle withered from the tropics,
Colonel Weymouth, her husband, an old red-faced officer of
horse in mufti with decorations on his lapel, and then Mrs.
Marley, hostess. On Mrs. Marley's right, in order are:

The Bishop of All Souls, Lady Cooper - a coy female, then an
empty chair, then Beatrix, Lanyon, and Mrs. Arnold next to
Mr. Marley.

There is quiet, well-bred small talk. A butler and two maids
are in attendance. WE HOLD on Sir Charles as he looks at his
watch, and then glances o.s. at the empty chair next to
Beatrix.

38 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX 38

She reacts to her father's frown and turns to smile casually
at something said farthur down the table.

AD LIB
(under all this)
We had a perfectly shocking meet at
Ascot, didn't we?
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
21.

38 CONTINUED: 38

AD LIB (CONT'D)
Puggie Wilson has a wonderful new
filly, I understand... A good chance
for the Oaks this year... Of course
she's rather pretty - but my dear,
her father is in trade.... The poor
boy's just down from Cambridge --
simply exhausted from work...
Education demands sacrifice, doesn't
it? Etc.

Beatrix! expression suddenly lights up as we HEAR Jekyll's
Voice o.s.

JEKYLL'S VOICE (O.S.)
Mrs. Marley -!

39 FULL SHOT - DINING ROOM 39

Jekyll is just entering the dining room from the drawing
room, followed by a footman who has evidently just admitted
him. Jekyll heads straight for Mrs. Marley. The men rise.

40 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL AND MRS. MARLEY 40

She looks at him a little stiffly as she offers her hand.

JEKYLL
My deepest apologies.

MRS. MARLEY
(slightly sarcastic)
I know - you doctors - we can never
rely on you, can we?

JEKYLL
(turning on charm,
over her hand)
Mrs. Marley, I'd rather be reminded
of my short-comings by the smartest
hostess in London than to be on the
Jubilee Honors list.

MRS. MARLEY
(with a double-take,
completely mollified)
Ch! Sit there, Dr. Jekyll...

She indicates vacant seat o.s., and we PAN Jekyll as he walks
to it.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll experiments with his treatment while examining animals. Meanwhile, at a dinner party, Jekyll arrives late and apologizes to Mrs. Marley for his tardiness.
Strengths "The scene creates a building suspense as Jekyll works on his experiments while the tension between him and his colleagues rise."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel disconnected from the overall plot."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and descriptive. It sets up the setting and atmosphere of Dr. Jekyll's laboratory, and also provides a glimpse of the upper-class society of the time period. The use of close-ups and panning shots help to establish the important details of the scene.

However, there are some areas that could be improved. For example, the description of the dinner party could be more concise and focused on the important details. Some of the dialogue feels a bit unnatural and forced, particularly in the ad lib section.

Overall, the scene achieves its purpose of setting up the story and introducing the characters. But some refinement in the dialogue and focus on the most important details could make it more effective.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more visual interest and action, as it currently relies heavily on description and dialogue. For example, instead of just panning over to the cages filled with animals, we could see Jekyll actively interacting with them – perhaps he's feeding them or adjusting their environment in some way. This would also give us more insight into his character and his motivations.

Additionally, adding more tension and conflict to the scene would heighten the stakes and make it more engaging for the audience. Perhaps Jekyll is racing against time to find a cure for his patient, or there are other characters who are trying to stop him from pursuing his experiments. This would make the scene more dynamic and drive the plot forward.

Finally, it might be beneficial to give more context to the characters in the dining room and their relationships to Jekyll and each other. This would make it easier for the audience to understand the dynamics at play and invest in the characters' motivations and desires.



Scene 8 - Jekyll Defends His Research
JEKYLL
(to standing gentlemen)
Gentlemen, please... Good evening,
Bishop - John - Colonel Weymouth -

(CONTINUED)
22.

40 CONTINUED: 40

AD LIB
Ah, Doctor... Harry... good evening,
sir.

JEKYLL
(looking at Beatrix -
as butler pulls out
chair muttering)
Been behaving yourself?

41 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX 41

As she laughs, and looks around the table.

42 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL 42

As he sits down between Beatrix and Lady Cooper.

JEKYLL
(to Lady Cooper - yet
feeling for Beatrix's
hand)
Lady Cooper - my short-comings are
rewarded.

LADY COOPER
(a coy dame)
Naughty man.

There is correct laughter at this "risque" dialogue.

DR. LANYON
A doctor's life, eh, Harry? The more
patients, the colder the soup.

JEKYLL
Wasn't a patient, exactly. I started
something in the laboratory and just
forgot to lock at the clock.

DR. COURTNEY
(a little patronizing)
Ah, yes, Jekyll - Heath was telling
me you're still carrying on with
that research of yours.

JEKYLL
(with a wry smile)
I'm afraid Dr. Heath isn't quite -
well, in sympathy, Dr. Courtney.

DR. COURTNEY
Well, that's understandable, isn't
it?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
23.

42 CONTINUED: 42

DR. COURTNEY (CONT'D)
Separating the facets of the brain...
a little ambitious, I'd say.

JEKYLL
(stung)
My research hopes to go deeper than
the brain -- into something more
intangible than the mind, even.

DR. COURTNEY
(looking at others
with a laugh)
Well, all that seems to be left is
the soul.

Colonel Weymouth and Marley laugh.

JEKYLL
All right. Have it that way. Because
that's just where I am aiming -- at
the soul.

A maid, putting his soup in front of him, looks extremely
startled.

43 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES AND OTHERS 43

He locks amazed at Jekyll o.s., puzzled and frowning.

DR. COURTNEY'S VOICE (O.S.)
The soul?

AD LIB (O.S.)
Good heavens... did he say "soul"?
What does he mean...? Etc.

44 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL, BISHOP, LADY COOPER 44

LADY COOPER
The soul! How thrilling!

BISHOP
(genially)
Come, come - my dear doctor - now
you're invading my territory.

JEKYLL
(looking at him with
a serious smile)
Yes, my Lord - and I hope I may be
of some assistance.
24.



45 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 45

He is a little startled by this radical statement and wishes
to assume that Harry is joking.

SIR CHARLES
My dear Harry - of course, you don't
mean this?

46 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL 46

He looks quickly over at Sir Charles, picking up the
challenge.

JEKYLL
But I do, Sir Charles. Just consider
that poor chap in church this morning.
If you didn't see him, you all heard
him, I'm sure.

BISHOP
Ah, yes. I thank you for your
assistance there, Dr. Jekyll.

DR. COURTNEY
(with finality)
Hopelessly insane. Obviously.

MRS. MARLEY
Why, the simply shocking things he
said...

JEKYLL
He wasn't insane. There was just one
side of him in existence. And that
side was speaking the truth.

COLONEL WEYMOUTH
Good heavens! Which side?

JEKYLL
His evil side. The man has been
spiritually distorted through shock...
that explosion in the gas mains last
month. Before that he was a fine,
solid citizen - gentle and kind with
his children - deeply in love with
his wife. Since then, he's suffered
a complete change - so that this
afternoon I saw him entirely reverted
to the animal - slythinking and vile,
dangerous and rapacious, by turns.




(CONTINUED)
25.

46 CONTINUED: 46
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll defends his unorthodox research on the soul to his colleagues at a dinner party. They question his methods, but he argues that he aims to go deeper than the brain. Dr. Jekyll gives an example of a patient he saw earlier, who has suffered a spiritual distortion and reverted to animalistic behavior since an explosion in the gas mains last month.
Strengths "This scene effectively establishes Dr. Jekyll's research as controversial and provocative, and sets up potential obstacles for him to face later in the story. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking."
Weaknesses "The scene may be overly talky, with characters mostly sitting around a table discussing ideas and not advancing the action. The emotional impact is also low."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 6

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene could benefit from more clarity and focus. While it starts off introducing the characters, it quickly veers off into various conversational tangents without a clear throughline or purpose. The dialogue feels stilted and artificial, lacking in nuance and natural cadence. The exchanges between characters are often clunky and serve more as expository dialogue than anything else. Additionally, the scene lacks any visual description or detail, making it hard to envision the setting and the actions of the characters beyond their spoken words. The dramatic tension could also be improved, as the scene doesn't build towards any clear conflict or resolution. Overall, more attention to character development, dialogue, and visual description could elevate this scene.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written, but here are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Clarify the setting. Where is this dinner taking place? It would be helpful to establish the location and decor to help the audience visualize the scene.

2. Add more action and description. The dialogue is strong, but the scene could benefit from more physical action and gestures to help the actors bring the characters to life.

3. Provide more details about the characters. It would be helpful to know more about the personalities and backgrounds of the people at the dinner party. This would make the dialogue and interactions feel more authentic.

4. Consider cutting some of the dialogue. While the dialogue is strong, there may be too much of it. Consider cutting some lines to make the scene flow more smoothly and focus on the most important information.

5. Create more tension. Some conflict or tension between characters would add interest and intrigue to the scene. Consider adding a subplot or motivation for each of the characters to make the conversation more engaging.



Scene 9 - Dr. Jekyll Defends His Research
LADY COOPER
(in the silence, edging
a little from Jekyll)
Mercy -!

47 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 47

The other maid is just taking away his dessert, plate. The
maid looks wide-eyed at Jekyll o.s. Sir Charles is very
uncomfortable.

SIR CHARLES
(shifting uneasily)
Yes... ahumm...

48 GROUP SHOT - AGAIN 48

DR. LANYON
(trying to pass it
off casually)
But Harry - what's that to do with
the soul? We can clearly understand
it as an injury to the nervous system
and therefore --

JEKYLL
(now lost in his
subject, earnestly
reasoning)
No, no, John - I insist he has been
shocked from normal good into complete
evil. When I said before he was a
"good" man, I didn't mean that he
didn't have a bad thought or two
from time to time -- and perhaps
commit his portion of transgressions
against the laws of civilized society.
Because, after all - that is the
problem of civilized Man's soul -the
good and the evil in it are constantly
fighting one another.

49 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL AND BISHOP 49

The Bishop is the least affronted, very interested, but
adamnantly patient.

BISHOP
There is a Higher Source from which
the good may always find aid in its
fight, Dr. Jekyll....

JEKYLL
I realize that, sir - but...
26.



50 CLOSE SHOT - COLONEL AND HIS WIFE 50

MRS. WEYMOUTH
(haughtily - her hand
possessively on
Colonel's arm)
Of course. The Colonel and I always
feel that people can be good if they
wish to be - and, well - otherwise,
if they don't.

COLONEL
(with a snort)
Exactly. Discipline! Everything
else is poppycock!
(then militantly
changing subject
with a joke)
Haw! But men going dotty and all
that do amusin' things at times. I
remember our sergeant during the
second Punjab campaign. We attacked
and --

MRS. WEYMOUTH
It was our quartermaster.

COLONEL
(not breaking his
stride)
Quiet, my dear - you were in Poona
at the time. I remember this -

51 CLOSE SHOT - MARLEY 51

MARLEY
(his mouth agape as
he still looks at
Jekyll vacuously)
But look here, Jekyll - I mean I - I
simply must get this straight - you
mean -?

52 FLASH SHOT - MRS. MARLEY 52

She is trying to get her stupid husband's eye to keep him
from pressing the subject.
27.



53 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL 53

JEKYLL
(warmed to his subject,
glad of the interest)
Well, to put it as simply as I can -
Good and evil are so close as to be
chained together in the soul. Man
isn't truly one, but two. Now what
if we could break that chain -
separate those two selves --
(his face alight,
lost in his subject)
To free the good in man, and let it
go on to its higher destiny... to
segregate the bad in man - and let
it destroy itself in its own
degradation!
(looks around, sees
he has gone beyond
their comprehension -
finishes lamely)
Well, roughly that's what my research
is leading to -- a combination of
chemical agents, which if administered
would --

Marley has just awakened to the fact that his guests aren't
very happy - particularly the two nervous ladies on his either
side. Also, he feels his own "character" attacked.

MARLEY
(sputtering)
But see here - aren't you rather
presumptuous in assuming there is
evil in all men?

JEKYLL
Of course there's evil in all men!

He speaks the following with a peculiar faunlike glee, jabbing
at them with his tone, quietly, but watching them all as he
looks around the table. He's mad now at their subborn refusal
to look at the facts.

54 PAN SHOT - SLOW - AROUND TABLE 54

Jekyll's voice comes over the stiff-lipped women and
uncomfortable men.




(CONTINUED)
28.

54 CONTINUED: 54
Genres: ["drama","sci-fi"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll defends his unorthodox research on the soul to his colleagues at a dinner party. They question his methods, but he argues that he aims to go deeper than the brain.
Strengths "The dialogue is engaging and informative about Jekyll's character and pursuit, and the conflict between him and his colleagues creates tension."
Weaknesses "Some of the characters feel underdeveloped, and the scene lacks significant emotional impact."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as lacking in clear purpose and focus. It jumps between various characters and their reactions to Jekyll's ideas without really allowing the audience to get a sense of what the scene is trying to accomplish. Additionally, there are too many characters and subplots to keep track of, which can make the scene feel cluttered and confusing.

Furthermore, the dialogue is somewhat clunky and overly expository, with characters explaining their own emotions and reactions instead of simply showing them through their actions and expressions. This can make the scene feel forced and unnatural.

Overall, I would suggest streamlining the scene to focus on a smaller group of characters and their reactions to Jekyll's ideas. Additionally, the dialogue could be sharpened to make it more natural and effective in conveying character emotions and motivations.
Suggestions First, consider breaking up the scene into smaller, more manageable actions. It is difficult to follow what is happening with so many characters talking at once.

Next, consider adding more visual action to the scene. Right now, there is a lot of dialogue, but not much to visually engage the audience. You can use body language and blocking to make the scene more visually interesting.

Also, try to focus on one central conflict or idea for the scene. Right now, there are multiple conversations happening simultaneously, which can make it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.

Finally, consider tightening up the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Too much exposition can slow down the pace of the scene and bore the audience. Focus on making each line count and moving the story forward.



Scene 10 - Jekyll defends unorthodox research on the soul
JEKYLL'S VOICE
We'd be hypocrites if we didn't admit
it. We've all had thoughts we wouldn't
care to have published ... or shouted
out loud. Our desires aren't always
confirmed to a drawing room. As
Christian we admit that Man was
created weak! It's an honest problem.
Shouldn't we face it?

By this time WE HOLD ON the Bishop. There is a tense silence!

BISHOP
(with gentle dignity)
Suppose we believe that Man's soul
has not yet reached its fulfillment.
Is it right or wise to tamper with
this problem, until its Creator has
solved it - in His own mysterious
way?

55 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL, COLONEL, BISHOP 55

The Colonel is looking across at Jekyll, trembling with
austere indignation.

JEKYLL
(softening a little)
My Lord - as I said before -

56 CLOSE SHOT - DR. COURTNEY - 56

He draws himself up in a severe conservative huff.

DR. COURTNEY
Really, Jekyll - this is quite
alarming. Such theories are
dangerously close to a -- well, I
hesitate to think what the Medical
Council will be forced to say if --

57 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL'S END OF TABLE 57

Sir Charles looks with alarm at what Dr. Courtney is saying.

JEKYLL
(with an undercurrent
of heat - but smiling)
Dr. Courtney - advanced theories are
always the sore-point for the Medical
Council - or even a Queen's physician.
Especially if there's a confortable
profit in those already safely
established.


(CONTINUED)
29.

57 CONTINUED: 57

DR. COURTNEY
(bristling)
Jekyll - if -

COLONEL
(suddenly exploding)
If you want my opinion, young man -
this is all pure balderdash!

JEKYLL
(right back at him)
Really, Colonel Weymouth? Suppose
we take your profession. What about
the soldier when he comes out of
battle - keyed up from the lust of
killing? What about his thoughts?
He's lonely - bewildered. Why just
recall yourself, as a young subaltern
in Egypt - back from a campaign up
the Nile - on a moonlit night in
Cairo. What were your thoughts? What
was in your mind?

For a moment the Colonel is so moved by the glamor and
nostalgia in Jekyll's words, that his mouth is agape.

COLONEL
(half remembering dim
conquests)
Well, now - if you put it - I mean
that's something diff--
(then suddenly feels
his wife's eagle
glare - pounds table)
Harrumph! By Gad, sir! I've heard
enough!

58 CLOSE SHOT - MRS. MARLEY 58

She pushes her chair back in the sudden silence, rises with
a sugary little murmur.

MRS. MARLEY
Ladies...?

59 FULL SHOT - ROOM 59

As the ladies rise, and leave, the men standing.

LADY COOPER
(as they go)
Oh, I meant to ask. Has anybody seen
Wilde's new play, "The Ideal Husband"?



(CONTINUED)
30.

59 CONTINUED: 59

MRS. FRENCH
Oh, yes - at the Haymarket - a little
so-so for my taste but then -

MRS. ARNOLD
The pantomime at the Lane is
magnificent. Dan [...] is screamingly
funny.

MRS. COURTNEY
Yes. And have you seen Irving's "King
Arthur"... Superb...

60 TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL (OVER THIS) 60

As she rises she gives him a little smile which means "I'm-
with-you", perhaps even purses her lips at him quickly as WE
PAN her away with the other women.

61 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 61

He looks after her, raises his eyebrow with a dry grin and
shrugs his shoulders.

62 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 62

He is looking from Jekyll to Beatrix o.s., a worried look of
disapproval in his expression, as we,

DISSOLVE TO:

63 FULL SHOT - CARRIAGE - EXT STREET - NIGHT 63

It clops along with two horses, footman and driver on box.

64 FULL SHOT - INT. CARRIAGE - LATER 64

Beatrix sits between Jekyll and Sir Charles on the back seat.
Lanyon sits on the jump seat. Sir Charles looks silent and
worried. All are aware of this. WE ONLY HEAR the clop-clop
of the horses. Beatrix suddenly puts her hand over her
Father's.

BEATRIX
(affectionately)
Tired, Father darling...?
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll argues with his colleagues discussing whether or not it is wise to tamper with the soul, while defending his unorthodox research on the soul.
Strengths "Engaging dialogue with contrasting views of spirituality. Scene sets up character motivations and conflicts between characters."
Weaknesses "Lacks visual cues and is dialogue-heavy. Limited emotional impact."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene has strong dialogue and character interactions, but there are a few areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, the beginning of the scene has a lot of exposition from Jekyll's voiceover. Although it's necessary information, it could be more interestingly conveyed through action or dialogue. For example, Jekyll could be fidgeting nervously or the other characters could be avoiding eye contact with him, showing their discomfort with the topic he's bringing up.

Secondly, the scene could benefit from more clear and concise blocking. There are a lot of characters in the scene, and it's sometimes unclear who is speaking or reacting to what. Some more specific stage directions or camera angles could help with this.

Overall, the scene has potential and with some minor adjustments, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions In terms of improving this scene, it would be helpful to have a clearer sense of what the overall objective or conflict is in the scene. It seems to be focused on Jekyll presenting his radical ideas and the other characters reacting to them, but it's not entirely clear what the stakes are or why we should care. Adding some more tension or consequences to the scene could make it more engaging.

It may also be helpful to make the dialogue more concise and focused. Some of the speeches from Jekyll and the Bishop feel a bit long-winded and could be trimmed down to be more impactful. Additionally, adding more action and physicality to the scene, such as characters moving around or reacting physically to each other, could add more visual interest and make the scene feel more dynamic.

Finally, it would be helpful to have a clearer sense of the characters' objectives and motivations in the scene. For example, why is Jekyll so insistent on presenting his ideas, and what does he hope to achieve? Similarly, what are the other characters' reactions based on, and what do they want to accomplish? Having a clearer sense of these things could add more depth and complexity to the scene.



Scene 11 - Sir Charles
SIR CHARLES
Hm? Oh - no, no.
(as carriage stops)
Well - here we are, eh?
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
31.

64 CONTINUED: 64

SIR CHARLES (CONT'D)
(as Footman opens
door - and Lanyon
gets out)
That's it. You first, John.
(getting out himself
with a grunt, as he
rises)
Hmph! Getting old, I suppose.

65 GROUP SHOT - EXT. - AT CARRIAGE 65

They are in front of Sir Charles' house, a large mansion of
the period.

DR. LANYON
Well, Sir Charles, it's been a long
evening, so I imagine you -

SIR CHARLES
Oh, no - no. You must come in for a
night-cap, John.
(with a smile)
If you don't think the rest of the
company will be bored with each other.

Jekyll and Bee look at each other with relieved smiles.

DR. LANYON
Well - thank you, sir. Just one.

They all move toward the house, as we PAN, and

DISSOLVE TO:

66 FULL SHOT - INT. DRAWING ROOM 66

It is excellently and richly appointed in the style of the
period. Some French doors open off into a conservatory to
one side. Lanyon is pouring the drinks from a tray. Beatrix
and Jekyll are across the room at a music box, looking for
some discs. Sir Charles is looking in a humidor for cigars.

66A TWO SHOT - JEKYLL AND BEATRIX 66A

Jekyll is looking at a disc.

JEKYLL
What about this -?

BEATRIX
(whispering)
No.... this -

She looks affectionately o.s. toward her Father.

(CONTINUED)
32.

66A CONTINUED: 66A

JEKYLL
(puzzled - in same
voice)
What -?

BEATRIX
(whispering)
This is the one that makes Father
wind his watch.
(she puts it on and
it starts a lovely
waltz))
Look -

THEY BOTH LOOK

66B PAN SHOT - SIR CHARLES 66B

He raises his eyes from the humidor at the first strains. He
seems to think back for a second. THEN WE PAN HIM as he walks
slowly to grandfather's clock. Beside the clock is a portrait
of a lovely woman, obwiously Beatrix's mother by her looks.
Sir Charles takes out his watch and winds it, but he does
not look at it. He is looking up at the picture, not the
clock.

66C CLOSE SHOT - PICTURE 66C

66D CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 66D

His eyes are a little misty, as he looks o.s. at the picture.

66E TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL 66E

As they watch Sir Charles o.s.

BEATRIX
(to Jekyll)
It is the waltz that he and Mama
first danced together.

JEKYLL
(touched)
Oh...
(turns to Beatrix,
with a little bow)
May I have the honor, Miss Beatrix?

BEATRIX
(curtseying)
With pleasure, Dr. Jekyll.

He takes her in his arms, and they waltz through the French
doors into the conservatory.
33.



67 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 67

He turns from the picture and watches them waltz o.s.

68 EFFECT SHOT - SIR CHARLES' ANGLE - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL 68

They waltz, framed in the French doors.

68A CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 68A

He smiles a little wistfully, touched by his memories.

68B BACK TO BEATRIX AND JEKYLL - HIS ANGLE 68B

They dance o.s. into the part of the conservatory hidden
from his view.

69 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 69

His wistful expression turns to one of worry. Lanyon appears
INTO SCENE, carrying two glasses, hands one to Sir Charles.

DR. LANYON
Sir Charles...
(raising his glass)
Your health, sir.

SIR CHARLES
Hm? Oh, yes, John - thank you, sir.

He raises his glass, then drinks, then looks o.s. toward
conservatory again, worried.

70 EFFECT SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL - INT. CONSERVATORY 70

They are in each other's arms, in a long embrace. WE ARE
SHOOTING from the middle of the round, glass-domed room,
through ferns and foliage. The waltz plays dimly o.s. Their
lips part.

JEKYLL
Where's our melody - when first we
met? We haven't got any....

They start walking around the rotunda and WE PAN.

BEATRIX
Oh, yes we have. It isn't when you
meet. It's when you know.

JEKYLL
Know what?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll and his colleagues continue their discussion about his unorthodox research on the soul at a dinner party. Sir Charles invites Dr. Lanyon for a nightcap. The scene then shifts to the drawing room of Sir Charles' house, where they listen to music. Jekyll and Beatrix waltz while Sir Charles gets emotional after seeing a picture of Beatrix's mother
Strengths "The scene shows the emotional attachment Sir Charles has to his wife and their memories. The dialogue further develops the ongoing conflict between Jekyll and his colleagues. The music playing establishes the mood and tone."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot development and conflict. The audience may find some parts slow and uninteresting."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique This scene does a good job of setting the mood and introducing the characters in the story. However, it is lacking in conflict and tension, which makes it feel a bit flat. The dialogue is also a bit on the nose, with characters explaining their emotions and memories very plainly. More subtlety in both the dialogue and the actions of the characters would make this scene more engaging. Additionally, it would be helpful to have a clearer understanding of the larger story and the purpose of this scene within it.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is a bit slow and lacks tension. To improve it, consider adding a conflict or obstacle for the characters to overcome. Maybe Sir Charles receives a concerning letter or realizes he's lost an important document, causing him to leave the room abruptly and leaving the other characters to figure out what's going on. Additionally, more specific and dynamic descriptions could help bring the scene to life. For example, rather than just saying the room is "excellently and richly appointed," describe specific details like the furniture, decor, and lighting that would add to the atmosphere of the scene. Lastly, consider adding some subtext - what are the characters really feeling and what is motivating them in the scene? This will make the dialogue and actions more interesting and meaningful.



Scene 12 - Jekyll and Beatrix Share Their Melody
(CONTINUED)
34.

70 CONTINUED: 70

BEATRIX
That the world's spinning around -
just for two people alone.

JEKYLL
When do two people know a thing like
that?

BEATRIX
Oh... just about a month ago - on a
high hill in Scotland..

JEKYLL
Oh, yes. I know that hill... Pretty
close to Heaven, isn't it?

BEATRIX
Right there. Right on the
outskirts....

JEKYLL
(as though suddenly
remembering)
I was there about that time - with a
girl of all things!

BEATRIX
Was the heather very high - and the
clouds very low above their heads -?

JEKYLL
Hmmm - yes - but what I remember
most was the way the wind caught the
absurd little ringlets in her hair.
(touching around her
ear)
Right about there.

She stops and turns to him.

BEATRIX
See? That's our melody.

JEKYLL
(nodding)
Uh-hm.

They kiss again. She looks at him a second, then draws away
and starts fingering a flower.

BEATRIX
Harry...

JEKYLL
What?
35.



71 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX 71

As she turns and looks up at him searchingly.

71A CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 71A

As he looks at her, wondering at her look.

JEKYLL
What, Bee?

72 TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL 72

BEATRIX
(slowly) T)
Onight at dinner... I understand
what you said about good and evil in
people - and that it's that way in
all of us... but if good and evil
are so closely related in us -
chained, as you said - why isn't -?.
(then she stops with
a little laugh, and
a shake of her head,
turning from him -
fingering flower
again)
Oh, no - it sounds so... silly - and
wrong, even...

JEKYLL
(tenderly)
This is you and I. Remember us?
Nothing you and I can ever discuss
will be wrong....

BEATRIX
Well then, why - why isn't the way
you and I feel about each other -? I
mean...
(hesitates, then with
direct, serious warmth)
There's nothing evil in that, is
there?

Jekyll laughs tenderly, and takes her hand in his.

JEKYLL
Look here. You and I are in love.
Such a small word for such a great
thing!
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
36.

72 CONTINUED: 72

JEKYLL (CONT'D)
But whatever it is, it's a blessed
thing, Bee. It makes us one strong,
living soul. And it takes whatever
power - or even whatever secret
delight that there is in evil - and
turns it all into good.
(searching her eyes)
Do I have to tell you that....?

BEATRIX
Oh, no -!

She surges into his arms. They kiss passionately, then look
at each other, speechless for a moment.

JEKYLL
(suddenly)
What in the world are we doing? Here
we are -- bound hand and heart in
some ridiculous long engagement --
just because it's the conventional
correct thing to --

BEATRIX
Oh, I know, my darling - I don't
want to wait, either. Let's ask Father
if --

JEKYLL
You leave it to me. I'll take him to
the club - put a glass of his favorite
brandy in his hand and when I'm
through he'll --

They both turn as WE HEAR footsteps o.s. Sir Charles appears,
carrying a glass in his hand. The music has stopped.

SIR CHARLES
(as he approaches)
Help John, will you, my dear? He's
in there hunting for the Bonnie Banks
of Loch Lommond, or something -

BEATRIX
Oh yes, Father...

She goes past him. Jekyll starts to follow.

SIR CHARLES
Harry...

JEKYLL
Yes, Sir Charles?


(CONTINUED)
37.

72 CONTINUED: (2) 72

SIR CHARLES
I'm not one to brood about and all
that -- but you must have noticed my
attitude coming home this evening.
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll and Beatrix share a romantic moment and discuss good and evil. They express their love for one another and decide to ask Beatrix's father for permission to marry.
Strengths "Strong romantic chemistry between Jekyll and Beatrix; introspective discussion about good and evil; emotional and heartfelt dialogue between characters."
Weaknesses "Slow pacing; lack of external conflict."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, my analysis of this scene is limited in providing feedback on elements such as cinematography, editing, and performances. However, from a storytelling perspective, this scene effectively demonstrates the growing intimacy between Beatrix and Jekyll, as well as foreshadowing the conflicts and obstacles they will face in their relationship. The dialogue is well-written, with natural-sounding exchanges that reveal the characters' thoughts and feelings. The scene also ends with a bit of suspenseful anticipation as Sir Charles interrupts the couple with a mysterious tone about his attitude, leaving the audience wondering what might happen next. Overall, this scene effectively advances the plot, develops the characters, and sets up future conflicts, thus serving as a solid piece of storytelling in the script.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve the scene is to add some more action or movement to make it visually interesting. For example, instead of having both characters standing and talking, they could be walking or sitting in a picturesque location. Additionally, the dialogue could be more concise and focused on developing the characters and their relationship. This could be achieved by removing some of the repetitive or unnecessary lines and focusing on the main themes of love, good and evil. Finally, the scene could benefit from more conflict or tension, either between the characters or in the situation they find themselves in. This could be achieved by introducing a new obstacle or challenge that they have to overcome together.



Scene 13 - Jekyll's Dilemma
JEKYLL
Why, sir - I merely thought that -

SIR CHARLES
That amazing flight of fancy you put
forth at dinner... I must confess it
startled me -- and even though I'm a
broad-minded man, myself -- it was a
little shocking, too...

JEKYLL
Well, I'm sorry, Sir Charles - because
I assure you it wasn't a flight of
fancy at all.

SIR CHARLES
You mean you actually were in earnest?

JEKYLL
Profoundly so, sir. In fact, I'm
arranging to spend all my time at it --

SIR CHARLES
This is distressing, Harry --

JEKYLL
(puzzled at his
attitude)
Why?

SIR CHARLES
It's absolutely hair-brained, in my
opinion.

JEKYLL
(a little stung)
I'm sorry you feel that way. I've
just been explaining it further to
Bee. She understands.

SIR CHARLES
(stiffening - but in
gentle reminder)
There are some things no gentlewoman
should understand.




(CONTINUED)
38.

72 CONTINUED: (3) 72

JEKYLL
Oh, come now, sir. In this day and
age we're surely getting beyond all
that sort of --
(breaking off)
Besides, Bee and I are adults, sir -
we're deeplyin love - and very close.
That's why we see no need to wait.
We want to be married as soon as
possible. We both feel that --

SIR CHARLES
I thought we decided on February.

JEKYLL
But that's months away! We need
each other now. I want her near me -
with me - in all the work I'm going
to --

SIR CHARLES
No, no, Harry - I can't discuss any
change in the plans. After this
evening, more than -

JEKYLL
But, Sir Charles --

SIR CHARLES
Harry! Restraint is wise and healthy
in all matters... A sort of proving
ground. I waited five years for
Beatrix's mother.

JEKYLL
(with a wry smile)
If you'll forgive me, sir -- you
were a very sturdy man.

SIR CHARLES
(laughing)
Well, I'm not asking that of you -
but, come now, Harry. I'we always
wanted a son - and now you're going
to be that. So listen to me, my boy.
You're a coming man in your
profession. I'm proud of you. But
these ridiculous experiments won't
get you anywhere. You must give them
up. Develop your practise. Cultivate
the circle in which you and Beatrix
shall move. That's common sense, my
boy.
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
39.

72 CONTINUED: (4) 72

SIR CHARLES (CONT'D)
(patting his shoulder)
There now. I've had my say. Let's
get your night-cap, hm? Getting late.

He turns and starts back into drawing room.

73 OUT 73

73A TRUCKING SHOT - SIR CHARLES AND JEKYLL 73A

SIR CHARLES
Oh, by the way, don't forget - I've
taken a box for the opening concert
at the Albert Hall -
(passes o.s. ahead of
Jekyll)
You and John will join us, of
course...

But Jekyll is hardly listening, he is moody and downcast,
and almost resentful, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

74 FULL SHOT - EXT. SIR CHARLES' HOUSE 74

Lanyon and Jekyll are just coming down the steps and turning
into the walk along the street as WE PAN AND TRUCK with them.
Jekyll is silent and moody.

DR. LANYON
(noticing his mood)
What's up? You and the old boy cross
swords?

JEKYLL
(dryly)
It seems that I should give up my
research - and carry on with taking
out little Reggie Smith's adenoids
and giving Lady Gwendolyn St. Clair
a sugar pill for her perennial self-
induced hysteria - or else encounter
the serious disapproval of Bee's
father.

DR. LANYON
(laughing)
Oh, it can't be that bad, Harry. But
you did cut up a bit rough at the
Marley's, you know.

Jekyll stops, turning to him.


(CONTINUED)
40.

74 CONTINUED: 74

JEKYLL
(a little sharply)
I'm not asking you to agree with me.
I just have a decision to make, that's
all.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll defends his research to Sir Charles, but is met with disapproval. He then asks for permission to marry Beatrix, but is denied and told to focus on his medical career instead. He is left frustrated and conflicted.
Strengths "Strong dialogue that reveals the characters' emotions and motivations."
Weaknesses "Some may find the scene's slow pace and lack of action boring."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-written in terms of dialogue, character interaction, and conveying the conflict between Jekyll and Sir Charles. However, there are some issues with clarity and pacing.

Firstly, it's not entirely clear what "flight of fancy" Sir Charles is referencing when he expresses his shock to Jekyll. It could have been helpful to include a bit of context or exposition to make it clear what they are discussing.

Secondly, the scene progresses a bit slowly - there is a lot of dialogue that feels somewhat repetitive and doesn't move the plot forward very much. It might have been beneficial to condense the conversation a bit, or cut to a more impactful moment.

Overall, it's a decently written scene but could benefit from some tightening up and clearer communication of the story beats.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more specific details to show the characters' emotions and physical actions to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

2. Consider cutting down on some of the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.

3. Focus on creating more tension and conflict between the characters to make the scene more exciting and memorable.

4. Show more subtext and hidden agendas in the characters' conversations to add depth and complexity to their relationships.

5. Work on creating a distinct and memorable voice for each character to make them more believable and compelling.



Scene 14 - The Encounter
DR. LANYON
Now, look, Harry - you and I have
been friends for years. I can't agree
with your theories - but that needn't
break up our friendship, you know. I
haven't seen anything of you lately.
(taking his arm)
Come on - let's drop down to the
club and play a rubber of whist. Do
you good.

JEKYLL
(moodily)
I'll walk that far with you...

THEY WALK ON, AS WE

DISSOLVE TO:

87-113 OUT.

75 TRUCKING SHOT - JEKYLL AND LANYON - STREET 75

They are in another part of town, taking a short cut in a
rather dingy section. At this point they cross the entrance
to a narrow mews (alley) and WE HOLD as sounds of a struggle
and cries come from its darkened recess.

GIRL'S VOICE (O.S.)
Let me go, you -! Why you filthy -!
Help -!

Jekyll and Lanyon both look down the mews, then dart o.s.
toward the sound.

76 GROUP SHOT - IN MEWS 76

Jekyll and Lanyon rush into SCENE to find a hulk of a gent
struggling unpleasantly with young girl. The scene is lit by
dim gas light. Jekyll pulls the man off the girl, who drops
to the ground with a moan against a rubbish box or an old
packing case. The gent starts to fight, then sees two against
one, and streaks down the mews with Lanyon and Jekyll in
pursuit, as WE PAN.

77 TWO SHOT - OTHER END OF MEWS 77

As the gent flies in and out of SCENE, Jekyll and Lanyon
stop, as they watch him streak across the street.

(CONTINUED)
41.

77 CONTINUED: 77

JEKYLL
Let him go. Get a cab. I'll see what's
been done.

He hurries back into the mews.

78 TWO SHOT - JEKYLL AND GIRL 78

She is sitting on the rubbish box, straightening her hat and
muttering to herself in comic tearfulness as Jekyll approaches
into SCENE.

GIRL
(to herself)
A nice thing... when a girl can't...
the big...

JEKYLL
(politely)
Did he hurt you?

GIRL
dusting off her dress - hardly
noticing him) It'd take more than a
bloke like that to --
(suddenly sees him
for first time,
impressed by his
looks and attire, in
almost childish
admiration)
Oh..!
(straightening her
hat)
I'll bet I look ever so untidy.

Jekyll can't help but smile, amused by her reaction. Then:

JEKYLL
You're sure you're not hurt?

GIRL
Why... I don't think so - I -
(stands - winces on
one foot)
Oo!

JEKYLL
Ankle?

GIRL
Mm. Twisted.
(sways and catches
his arm)
Do you mind?

(CONTINUED)
42.

78 CONTINUED: 78

JEKYLL
Of course not. An ankle can be very
painful...

GIRL
You're ever so kind.
(feeling her side)
Mm! Me side, too. He bashed a rib,
he did!

JEKYLL
I shouldn't have stopped. I should
have caught him, eh?

GIRL
Oh, no, I mean - I'm so glad you
stopped - if you take my meaning.

JEKYLL
(nodding ahead)
My friend's getting a cab. Can we
drive you anywhere?

GIRL
You're ever so kind.

JEKYLL
Nonsense. Let's try it, shall we?
(they start to walk
toward end of mews
as WE TRUCK WITH
THEM. She limps)
That's the girl.

GIRL
(smiling up at him)
A gent like you shouldn't be bothering
yourself about me, now.

JEKYLL
What sort of a gent doesn't like to
help a pretty girl? Hm?

He says this with casual politeness, but smiles down at her
as he finishes.

GIRL
Oh, now!
(straightening her
hat, flustered)
And me with my hat all about me head!

Jekyll laughs, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

(CONTINUED)
43.

78 CONTINUED: (2) 78


118-121 OUT.

122 THREE SHOT - JEKYLL, GIRL, LANYON - INT. HANSOM CAB - 122
PROCESS

She sits between them. Lanyon is not very pleased with her
voluble presence or with the job of taking her home.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll saves a young girl from a violent encounter and offers her a ride home. In the cab, Dr. Lanyon expresses annoyance at the girl's presence.
Strengths "Strong character development for Dr. Jekyll, who demonstrates his kind and romantic side in rescuing the young girl."
Weaknesses "Dr. Lanyon's annoyance at the girl's presence feels out of place and makes him unsympathetic."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and serves a clear purpose in the story by introducing the character of the girl and showcasing Jekyll's chivalry. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be further improved.

Firstly, the dialogue between Dr. Lanyon and Jekyll at the beginning of the scene feels a bit stilted and unnatural. While the sentiment of their friendship remaining intact despite differing views is important for the audience to understand, the delivery could be smoother. Additionally, the transition to the girl's cries for help feels a bit abrupt.

Secondly, the action in the mews could be described in more detail to make the audience feel more invested in the danger that the girl faces. While the sounds of a struggle and cries for help are effective, more description of the setting and the actions of the assailant would up the tension and allow for a more immersive experience for the audience.

Finally, the dialogue between Jekyll and the girl could be more nuanced. While Jekyll's chivalry is endearing, the girl's reaction to him feels a bit one-note and stereotypical. Adding some complexity to her character and her reactions to the situation could make the scene feel more dynamic and interesting.

Overall, the scene serves a critical purpose in the larger story and sets up important character dynamics. With some minor tweaks to dialogue and action description, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Add more conflict and tension to the scene. It currently feels very straightforward and lacking in drama. Consider adding more of a struggle when Jekyll pulls the man off the girl, or add more urgency to the chase as they pursue the gent down the mews.

2. Develop the characters more fully. We don't know much about the girl, other than the fact that she's been attacked. Consider giving her more depth and personality, and perhaps even adding a backstory that helps explain why she's in this situation. Additionally, we could use more information about Jekyll and Lanyon's relationship and how they feel about each other's differing opinions.

3. Consider tightening up the dialogue. Some of the lines feel a bit too on-the-nose, and could benefit from being more subtle or nuanced. Additionally, some of the dialogue (such as the girl's comic tearfulness) feels a bit clichéd.

4. Make the scene more visually engaging. The description of the scene is quite sparse, and could use more detail and sensory language to help readers picture the setting and action more vividly. Consider adding more atmospheric details (like the dim gas light in the mews) or specific actions that help create more tension (like having Jekyll wrestle with the attacker).

5. Tie the scene to the larger plot more effectively. It's not clear how this scene relates to the rest of the story or how it moves the plot forward. Consider adding some foreshadowing or hints about what's to come, or using the scene to develop themes or motifs that will be important later in the film.



Scene 15 - Girl in Distress
GIRL
... and so he asks me can he walk me
home, he does. And I says yes. When
a girl has to work late at nights,
it's nice to have a bit of company
to see you home...

JEKYLL
(pleasantly, as Lanyon
makes no remark)
Naturally.

GIRL
(now all to Jekyll)
I know what's what. You have to if
you're a barmaid. I like a bit of
fun, as the saying goes. But when a
bloke grabs you sudden-like with
nasty notions in his head, it's time
to put your foot down.
(grabbing her side,
Leaning against
Jekyll) I)
'm sorry to bother you two gents...
ooo!

The cab slows to a stop.

123 FULL SHOT - CAB - EXT. TUKESBURY LANE BOARDING HOUSE 123

As the cab stops, Jekyll gets out first.

JEKYLL
(holding his arms up
to help girl)
Here you are.

As the girl gets down, she collapses on her ankle with a
muffled cry of pain and Jekyll catches her.

GIRL
Ow! It hurts more now -!

JEKYLL
Here -


(CONTINUED)
44.

123 CONTINUED: 123

With this, he picks her up.

DR. LANYON
(slightly impatient)
Can I give you a hand, Harry?

JEKYLL
(cheerily)
I think I can manage.

CONTINUED.

He carries the girl up the stoop to the door, as WE PAN. She
takes a key from her purse and opens the door. They go inside.

124 BOOM SHOT - INT. BOARDING HOUSE - HALL AND STAIRS 124

GIRL
(nodding upstairs)
Second floor - first door on the
right.
(watching Jekyll's
face as he carries
her up)
I'll bet I'm heavy...

JEKYLL
Oh, no.

GIRL
You're ever so strong, aren't you?

In the b.g., below a harridan of a landlady has poked her
head out of the door, and is watching them.

125 CLOSE SHOT - LANDLADY 125

She looks up after them with a knowing smile, lifting an
eyebrow and nodding her satisfaction at Jekyll's appearance.

126 FULL SHOT - GIRL'S DOOR - UPPER HALL 126

JEKYLL
(coming to top of
landing and door)
Here?

GIRL
Uh-huh.

She inserts a key and opens the door. Jekyll carries her in.
45.



127 REVERSE SHOT - INT. ROOM 127

WE ARE SHOOTING over a bed, and Jekyll and the girl's figures
are silhouetted in the door. He comes to the bed and puts
her down.

GIRL
(taking off her cape
or coat)
The light's by the door - if you've
a match.

JEKYLL
Right.

He goes back to the door, and lights the gas jet.

128 FULL SHOT - ROOM - DIFFERENT ANGLE 128

It is the usual dingy rooming house chamber, appointed as of
the era and the girl.... cheap souvenirs - men's pictures
(sailors and soldiers) tacked unframed on the walls, etc.
Jekyll puts his hat and stick down on a chair, and then closes
the door. WE PAN him over to her as she looks up at him,
half shy, half excitedly expectant.

JEKYLL
(calmly)
You better let down your blouse.

GIRL
(a little "miffed" at
the calm approach)
Why?

JEKYLL
(easily)
Don't you want me to have a look at
you?

GIRL
(coyly)
I don't know. You're lookin', ain't
you?

JEKYLL
But, your side. I thought you --

Then with a giggle, she quickly peels off her blouse, (or
lets down her shirt-waist) revealing herself in a fluffy
thin top slip of the period. She looks up at him, trying to
"play up". She pulls her feet upon the bed, under her.




(CONTINUED)
46.

128 CONTINUED: 128

GIRL
(softly)
You aren't half a fast one, aren't
you?

Jekyll looks puzzled for a second, then bursts out laughing.

JEKYLL
(between chuckles)
I'm sorry. Let's both understand
this, shall we? My friend and I are
physicians.

GIRL
Physicians...?

JEKYLL
(nodding)
Doctors.

GIRL
Doctors?
(suddenly laughs
delightedly at the
situation)
Go on! I thought you were just a
couple of toffs!
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll saves a young girl from a violent encounter and brings her home. They share a flirtatious conversation, which turns more serious when Jekyll reveals that he is a doctor and wants to treat her.
Strengths "The scene manages to introduce a new character while advancing the romantic subplot. Jekyll's playful side is shown as he flirts with the girl. The tension builds as Jekyll tries to examine her injury, adding a layer of conflict."
Weaknesses "The scene feels a bit disconnected from the rest of the plot. The girl's backstory and motivations are not fleshed out much."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot provide critiques as opinions are subjective. However, I can provide feedback based on technical aspects.

The scene starts with Girl telling Jekyll and Lanyon about being asked to be walked home by a man. The dialogues are well written and serve the purpose of giving background information about Girl's situation.

The action then shifts to the boarding house where Jekyll helps Girl to get inside as she hurts her ankle. The pacing of the scene is good, with Jekyll showing his gentlemanly nature by helping her.

As Girl and Jekyll are alone in the room, the dialogues between them get flirtatious. The scene then takes a turn when Jekyll reveals that both he and Lanyon are physicians. This revelation adds an element of surprise to the scene.

Overall, the scene is well-written, with the dialogues being the standout aspect. The pacing is good, and the revelation at the end of the scene adds a layer to the characters and their motivations.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I have to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the action: It's not entirely clear in the script whether Jekyll is helping the girl walk because she's had too much to drink or if she's injured her ankle. Adding clarity to this action will make the scene feel more grounded and less confusing.

2. Raise the stakes: The scene could benefit from some tension and conflict. Perhaps the girl is being followed by someone who is dangerous, or maybe Jekyll is reluctant to help her at first because he's afraid of being accused of impropriety. Adding some kind of obstacle will make the scene more engaging.

3. Develop the characters: The girl in this scene is a bit one-dimensional. Adding some backstory or depth to her character will make her more interesting and engaging. Similarly, Jekyll could be given more quirks or personality traits to make him feel more dynamic.

4. Use visual cues: The script relies heavily on dialogue to move the scene forward. Using visual cues, such as body language or setting details, can help convey more information and create a richer overall experience for the viewer.



Scene 16 - Jekyll's Flirtation and Advice
JEKYLL
(laughing, too)
No. Haven't the leisure.

GIRL
(throwing back her
head, laughing)
Oh, dear me! -- And here I
thought -!

They stop laughing and look at each other.

JEKYLL
(quickly, easily again)
Well, I'm glad to see you're not
really hurt...

He smiles down at her, with a chiding look, then starts to
turn away.

GIRL
(quickly)
Oh, but I am, Doctor - truly -




(CONTINUED)
47.

128 CONTINUED: (2) 128

JEKYLL
(still kidding, turning
back)
I better send you to the hospital,
hm?

GIRL
(offering her side)
No, look - here - feel -

Jekyll adopts a mock serious manner and feels her side.

JEKYLL
Here -?

GIRL
("wincing")
O-o! Yes -

JEKYLL
Hm - I thought so - a transossis
pactoralis...

GIRL
(puzzled, alarmed)
What's that mean?

JEKYLL
(into her eyes)
That means your eyes are twin pools
of desire...

GIRL
(softly, slowly,
charmed)
Aw, Doctor... that's neat. You can
say the words, you can..!

JEKYLL
("surprised")
But doesn't this still hurt?

She looks down to see he is prodding her side.

GIRL
(quickly, wincing)
Hm? Oh - yes - o-o -!

JEKYLL
(straightening up,
with a chuckle)
It'll be all right in the morning...




(CONTINUED)
48.

128 CONTINUED: (3) 128

She quickly kicks off her shoe, peels off her stocking, holds
the garter in her hand, a little rubber-tape ringlet with a
gew-gaw buckle.

GIRL
(as she does so, softly)
But look here - my ankle - don't you
think you ought to look at that?

JEKYLL
(smiling, shaking his
head)
No.
(then points to where
garter has left a
red mark above her
knee)
But I'll tell you one thing, young
lady. You wear that garter too tight.
Bad. Stops the circulation.

The girl looks down and then looks up at him, pathetically
happy that he is this solicituous about her at least. She
rises and grabs his hands.

GIRL
There! You see now? You did find
something. You are my doctor, aren't
you?
(as he only smiles at
her, then:)
I ought to pay you a fee...

JEKYLL
(a little caught)
I haven't presented any bill...

GIRL
(handing him garter)
How about this? To begin with...
(as he looks at it)
Not that it's enough.

JEKYLL
Some people don't pay half as much --

GIRL
It don't seem near enough to me -!

With this she puts her arms about his neck and kisses him.
He half returns the embrace.
49.



128A FULL SHOT - ROOM 128A

The door opens with a simultaneous knock, and Lanyon stands
there.

DR. LANYON
Harry -? Is this -?
(seeing them break
apart)
Oh... sorry -
(a little coldly)
Come along, will you? It's getting
late.

He turns and we HEAR him walk down steps o.s.

128B TWO SHOT - GIRL AND JEKYLL 128B

He looks after Lanyon, frowning a little, then chuckles to
himself and shakes his head. He picks up his hat and stick,
walks toward the door. The girl follows him. He automatically
puts garter in his pocket.

GIRL
(puzzled)
You - you ain't really goin' - just
because he says that -

JEKYLL
No. But I have to go -

GIRL
But, look here - don't you understand?
I ain't no--

JEKYLL
(warmly)
I know that. You're a girl with her
heart just where it ought to be -
it's just a little too generous,
that's all.
(patting her arm)
-- So because you're a nice pretty
girl - just be a little smarter about
the company you pick from now on. Hm -
why not?

GIRL
Well, but -- You're here, ain't you?

JEKYLL
I shouldn't be, though. If you knew
me, you'd know I really don't want
to be. You see --
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll treats a young girl's injury, flirts with her, and advises her to be more careful with the company she keeps, while also revealing his conflicted emotions about staying with her.
Strengths "The scene shows Jekyll's inner conflict and desire for intimacy, while also developing his character through his interactions with the girl. The flirtatious banter adds some lightness to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel slightly disconnected from the larger plot, and the girl's character is not well-developed beyond her role as a flirtatious foil to Jekyll."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene has good dialogue that flows naturally and captures the character's personalities. The interaction between Jekyll and the girl is flirtatious and playful, which adds some lightheartedness to the story. However, the scene has a lot of stage direction and physical movements, which can be distracting for a reader. Some of the actions, like the girl taking off her shoe and stocking, seem unnecessary and don't really add much to the scene. Overall, the scene could benefit from a tighter focus on the dialogue and character interactions rather than physical movements.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase tension: Currently, the scene lacks tension and conflict. Consider adding an obstacle that prevents the characters from getting what they want, or adding an element of danger or risk.

2. Develop the characters: The characters need to be more fully developed and their motivations should be clear. What do they want? What are they after? This will make the scene more engaging and interesting.

3. Raise the stakes: The stakes need to be higher for the characters so that the scene has more impact. What are the consequences of their actions? This will make the audience care more about what happens next.

4. Create a clearer narrative: The scene needs to have a clear narrative that leads the audience from one beat to the next. Some of the dialogue could be cut or rearranged to make the story more focused.

5. Add subtext: The characters should have underlying emotions and motivations that are not explicitly stated. This will create depth and nuance to the scene.

6. Consider the visual language: As a screenwriting expert, it's important to consider the visual language of the scene. What will be on screen? How will it look and feel? Think about how these factors can enhance the storytelling.



Scene 17 - Dr. Jekyll's Temptation
(CONTINUED)
50.

128B CONTINUED: 128B

The girl lifts her head quickly, stung.

GIRL
Oh! Well, I picks only them as wants
my company. I'll tell you that!

Her lip starts to quiver. Whatever her carefree loves, she
senses she is the woman scorned. Her eyes start to flash.

JEKYLL
(knowing it is useless
to make her understand)
I'm sorry. It's my fault. I should
have --

GIRL
Whatcha sorry about? I'm not!

JEKYLL
(one last try)
Come, now. Let's say we wore both
foolish and it was all in fun - and
wish each other luck the next time
we take a drink, hm?

As he says this, he puts out his hand. She ignores it.

GIRL
(starts to laugh)
I suppose it was all in fun when you
kissed me?

JEKYLL
(ruefully)
Yes. I have it coming to me, my dear.
(going out door)
But anyhow - good night and good
luck. Always.

GIRL
(slamming door on him)
You wasn't all in fun then - I know
that!

She starts laughing, tears of rage in her eyes.

129-133 OUT.

134 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - EXT. DOOR - HALL 134

He hears her laughing.

GIRL'S VOICE (O.S.)
Next time you look at a girl, make
up your mind, mister!

(CONTINUED)
51.

134 CONTINUED: 134

He shakes his head again, wondering how he got in the whole
mess, and starts down the stairs.

135 CLOSE SHOT - GIRL - INT. ROOM 135

She hears his footsteps go away down the stairs. She turns
and WE PAN her back into the room. She is puzzled and furious
at the same time. She slumps down on the bed. Her expression
falls. Then she wipes all thought of him from her mind and
starts to whistle, taking off her other stocking as we

DISSOLVE TO:

136 TWO SHOT - JEKYLL AND LANYON - INT. CAB PROCESS 136

Lanyon is sitting quietly looking ahead. Jekyll is studying
him, grinning.

JEKYLL
(finally)
Oh come now, John - don't get that
stuffy look. The lady wasn't injured,
and neither was I - nor anyone else.

DR. LANYON
I admit she might be a tempting little
trick - in an off moment.

JEKYLL
What do you mean.. "off moment"?

DR. LANYON
(sardonically)
Yours. According to your theory, I
imagine that graphic tableau I just
witnessed was the momentary triumph
of the evil in your soul over the
good. Correct?

JEKYLL
(after a second's
thought)
Why...yes. Not quite a triumph...
(with a serious little
smile)
But it was an attack.
(then quickly)
- yet one that would have been
repulsed without your presence, John,
I assure you.

DR. LANYON
Wouldn't you run less personal risk
if you confined your experiments to
your laboratory?

(CONTINUED)
52.

136 CONTINUED: 136

JEKYLL
Well, the laboratory's where you'll
find me from tonight on -
(looking ahead, almost
to himself)
... until I get what I'm looking
for...