Read Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde with its analysis


See Full Analysis here

Scene 1 -  Church Service Interrupted
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
"DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE"

Written by

John Lee Mahin

Based on the novel
"Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde"
by Robert Louis Stevenson




Copyright © 1941 Shooting Script, 1941
Loew's Inc., US;
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM),
Culver City, CA
FADE IN:

1 CLOSE SHOT - MAN'S FACE 1

It is a large, sincere and kindly face, of about fifty-five
years of age, perfectly in keeping with the slow, resonant
tones in which its owner speaks.

MAN
(as we fade in)
... with purity in our hearts, with
right thinking in our minds, we arm
ourselves with an intolerance of all
evil! Thus, it is on this glorious
Sabbath morning, in this momentous
year, 1887, that we naturally turn
our thoughts to that way of life as
exemplified by Victoria, Our Beloved
Queen. For this week begins Her
Majesty's Golden Jubilee. Her strength
and goodness, her Christian
principles, have walked in the light
of God ever since her ascension to
the throne. From her heart has come
an ever-increasing flow of virtue
and moral blessing with which she
has endowed us, her loving subjects.

As the man speaks we BOOM BACK AND AROUND SLOWLY to discover
ourselves in All Souls Southwick Church, London. The man
speaking is the Bishop, talking from the pulpit, backed up
by the well-appointed magnificence of the Anglican altar. WE
PAN AROUND the congregation in the pews. For the most, they
are the well-dressed and well-bred families of the period,
listening attentively.

1A CLOSE SHOT - IN BACK - MAN AND WOMAN 1A

This is where the less well-to-do parishioners are seated. A
rugged, but strange-looking man of middle-age is seated here
with his wife. She is watching him anxiously. He is listening
intently to the sermon, his head cocked forward. Then he
looks away, passes his hand over his brow, and seems as though
to rise - as he looks at the Bishop o.s.

WIFE
(detaining him, with
a nervous agonized
whisper)
Sam - no! What's wrong, Sam -?

He looks at her, subsides, clenching his jaw.
2.



2 CLOSE SHOT - BISHOP 2

AS HE CONTINUES:

BISHOP
(continuing)
She came upon a world sadly mired in
ways of the flesh, and during her
reign the forces of good have achieved
notable and great victories over the
forces of evil. And though we know
not the time nor the season, we know
that Evil in God's own time shall be
wiped out by God.

At this point the Bishop is startled by the interruption of
a high-pitched, scornful evil laugh coming from the back of
the church. He looks up.

3 CLOSE SHOT - IN BACK - MAN AND WOMAN 3

The man is laughing evilly at the Bishop. His horrified little
wife is trying to quiet him, and then looking about her at
the other startled people.

WOMAN
(agonized)
Sam -- Sam --

MAN
(sneering out)
Evil wiped out, eh? So you want to
take all the fun out of life, eh,
Bishop?

3A CLOSE SHOT - BISHOP 3A

With hardly a flicker he continues:

BISHOP
And may we not live for the day,
when, in the words of Holy writ, the
Devil shall be cast into the
bottomless pit?

4 GROUP SHOT - CONGREGATION 4

The laughter from o.s. continues a little. One or two half
turn about. Several look at each other, then back to the
Bishop with stiff-backed composure.

BISHOP'S VOICE
For surely the roots of the realm
and its peoples have sprung from a
new goodness during these last decades --
3.



5 CLOSE SHOT - TOWARD ALTAR - GROUP 5

They are the backs of an elderly gentleman, a young girl and
fine-looking man of about thirty with a Byronic head. As the
laughter continues through the Bishop's persistent intonation,
the man turns full face into CAMERA AND looks back toward
the disturbance. He is Dr. Henry Jekyll, his vital features
alive with interest.

BISHOP'S VOICE
(continuing)
At the family hearth, in the shops
of industry, in the very Christian
graciousness with which men and women
greet each other during the everyday --

6 OUT. 6

7 CLOSE SHOT - MAN IN BACK 7

MAN
Bottomless Pit, my eye! Good old
Beelzebub - the boy with the horns
and the spiked tail - they're always
running him down and he's the winner
in the end every time.

A man in back of him tries to pull him down, quietly. He
shakes him off laughing. In the b.g. the aislemen are hurrying
down to him.

8 GROUP SHOT - CONGREGATION 8

Still they do not look about much, paying even more attention
to the Bishop.

BISHOP'S VOICE
... everyday hours. Certainly this
universal goodness is evidenced all
about us more and more as we --
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary A disruption occurs during a sermon in a London church in 1887, when a strange man interrupts the Bishop and scoffs at his message of intolerance towards evil. The interruption causes a stir in the congregation.
Strengths
  • Establishes a clear conflict between good and evil in the opening scene
  • Provides foreshadowing for the dual nature of human beings that will be further explored in the story
  • Introduces Dr. Jekyll as a character who shows interest in the disturbance, making him immediately stand out
Weaknesses
  • The disruption itself might feel cliché or predictable
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can provide some feedback on the scene. Overall, the scene establishes the setting and tone effectively, and introduces key characters and conflicts in a clear manner. However, there are some areas where the writing could be improved:

- The exposition-heavy dialogue of the Bishop feels overly long and unnatural, as if he is giving a scripted speech rather than speaking naturally to his congregation. Consider trimming some of the dialogue or finding a way to convey this information more organically.

- The description of the man in the back laughing evilly feels repetitive, as it is mentioned multiple times in quick succession. Consider finding a more concise way to convey his disruptive behavior without repeating yourself.

- The use of "o.s." (off-screen) in the dialogue cues feels unnecessary, as it is clear from context where the sound is coming from. Consider removing these cues to streamline the scene.

Overall, the scene has potential and sets up interesting conflicts and tension between characters. With some tweaks to the dialogue and descriptions, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest focusing on the character development and the central conflict of the story in this opening scene. While the speech by the Bishop sets the tone for the time period, it doesn't necessarily grab the audience's attention or introduce the main characters.

One possible suggestion would be to start with Dr. Jekyll in the audience, perhaps showing his interest piqued by the Bishop's words about morality and goodness. He could be staring intently at the Bishop, showing his fascination and perhaps foreshadowing his eventual descent into darkness as Mr. Hyde.

Additionally, the interruption by the strange man in the back could be heightened to create more tension and introduce the conflict of the story. Perhaps he could make threatening comments to the other parishioners or even approach Dr. Jekyll, foreshadowing the danger that lurks in the city and the potential for violence or chaos.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more character development and an increased sense of conflict to draw in the audience and set up the rest of the story.



Scene 2 -  Interruption at Church
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
9 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 9

As he looks back, studying man. The young girl with him starts
to look back but the old gentleman on her other side nudges
her not to do so.

10 CLOSE SHOT - BISHOP 10

With barely a flutter of an eyelid he continues, cutting it
short.




(CONTINUED)
4.

10 CONTINUED: 10

BISHOP
-- as we live under the gentle hand
of Her Majesty, and worship the glory
and wonder that is God. It is because
of these things that - that -
(he gives a signal to
the choir-master)
- the world moves forward today.

11 CLOSE SHOT - CHOIR MASTER 11

He signals over to the organist in the b.g. He motions to
the awed kids in the choir to stop looking toward the back
of the church. The music starts the introduction to the choral
anthem.

12 GROUP SHOT - IN BACK - AROUND MAN 12

The aislemen are struggling with him.

MAN
(with a last shout)
You don't think evil is on a holiday
in here, do you? Ask this bunch here
when they met up with Old Nick last!
Good Old Beelzebub! -- Blasphemy, I
call it, to talk that way about a
man's best friend!

But he is drowned out both by the sudden high soprano boys'
choir and the booming of the organ, as well as the fact that
the three aisle - men drag him out of the pew into the vestry.
The poor wife follows. But the other people hardly notice
him, in their disciplined conservatism. One aisleman dashes
on ahead.

13 GROUP SHOT - VESTRY 13

A knot of aislemen are around the raving, twisting man. He
is laughing and muttering evilly. The little wife is hovering
about, wringing her hands, as they lead the man from the
main part of the church.

AD LIB
(in hushed tones)
Here, here, now man - Never heard of
such a thing... ssh! Did Parker go
for a constable? Yes. Take his other
arm... This is frightful...

WOMAN
(agonized)
Sam dear - no, lad - no...



(CONTINUED)
5.

13 CONTINUED: 13

Just at this moment Jekyll comes hurrying out into the vestry.

JEKYLL
(with calm authority)
One moment, please.

The aislemen step back.

MAN
(to Jekyll, who studies
him)
Let me back in there and I'll tell
'em what a grown man really thinks
about -

Jekyll feels the man's pulse, lifts his eye-lid. The man
backs away a little.

JEKYLL
(to woman)
How long has this been going on?

WOMAN
It's - it's been coming on him worse,
sir - ever since the explosion.

JEKYLL
(very interested now)
Oh, a shock, eh?... Excellent - I
see --

MAN
(slyly - to Jekyll)
You're a hearty, full-blooded young
man - you tell 'em...

WOMAN
I thought maybe if we came to church
it would --

MAN
(trying to nudge Jekyll)
We know - don't we?

WOMAN
(as man laughs again)
No, Sam - there now -

The man edges her away from him. In the meantime, Jekyll has
taken a card out and is writing on it. At this moment, another
aisleman comes in with a very officious constable.




(CONTINUED)
6.

13 CONTINUED: (2) 13

CONSTABLE
Hey - make way here! What's all
this about? What's all this here -
(taking man who he
sees is struggling)
Drunk and disorderly, eh? Well --

JEKYLL
(handing constable
the card)
No, Constable. Take him to the Camden
Hospital. Give this card to Dr. Heath.

CONSTABLE
Better get him to the station, sir.
It's always -
(then seen name on
card, and looks up
at Jekyll with sudden
respect)
Oh, Dr. Jekyll! Bats, is he? Right,
sir. Camden Hospital it is, Dr.
Jekyll!
(takes man's arm,
cheerily)
All right there now, my beauty -
upsy-daisy! We'll go and get a little
fresh air in the belfry, eh?

WE PAN HIM out with the man, the woman following.

MAN
(as he is being led
out, calling back
over his shoulder)
Jekyll, eh? Go on back and try to
put old Beelzebub on his pit bottom,
Jekyll! He'll show you! He'll poke
his red beard over the rim! He jumps
on hot fiery rubber, he does!

14 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 14
Genres: ["drama","historical"]

Summary A man interrupts a church service causing a stir in the congregation and is eventually escorted out by the aislemen and a constable. Dr. Jekyll, who is attending the service, examines the man and gives the constable a card to take him to the Camden Hospital.
Strengths
  • Tense situation created by the unexpected interruption
  • Doctor character adds depth and intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Sermon topic is not well-defined
Critique There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. The action and dialogue are a bit confusing and could be clarified. It's not always clear who is speaking or what exactly is happening.

2. The character of Jekyll doesn't seem to have much of a purpose in this scene. He appears briefly and doesn't seem to impact the action in any significant way.

3. The scene doesn't seem to have much of a purpose in the overall narrative. It doesn't reveal much about the characters or move the story forward.

Overall, there could be more clarity and purpose in this scene.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to tighten up the dialogue and make it more concise. Cut out any unnecessary exposition and try to make the dialogue flow more naturally. Additionally, consider adding some more visual description to enhance the scene and create a stronger sense of setting and atmosphere. Finally, consider highlighting the conflict or tension in the scene, whether it be between characters or within a character themselves, to make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 3 -  Disruption in Church
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
As he looks after the man, considering him, turns and goes
back into church.

MAN'S VOICE
(o.s., with awful
laugh)
Dr. Jekyll, eh?... ha, ha, ha - Go
back and be good, Dr. Jekyll...




(CONTINUED)
7.

14 CONTINUED: 14

The voice diminishes, as Jekyll turns and walks back into
church.

15 PAN SHOT JEKYLL 15

WE HOLD as he comes down the aisle to his pew. Just as he
reaches the pew the congregation rises and starts singing
the hymn to which the choir has been singing the introduction.
WE PAN HIM into his pew where he immediately starts singing
with his two companions. The girl is young, lovely, ripely
virginal, Beatrix Emery. She gives Jekyll a little questioning
look as he comes into pew. The elderly man is her father,
Sir Charles Emery - hawk nose over white mustache - correct
and cultured in his imperious strength. As they sing, we

DISSOLVE TO:

15A FULL SHOT - EXT. - CHURCH STEPS 15A

Service is over and the crowd is coming out. Inside the church
we hear the organ. Sir Charles, Beatrix and Jekyll are coming
out. WE PAN THEM DOWN THE STEPS across to the carriages at
the curb.

SIR CHARLES
(bowing to a lady and
gentlemen)
Harrison... good morning!
(turns to Beatrix and
Jekyll)
Well, we've just time for a turn in
the park -

BEATRIX
Harry has to leave us, Father.

JEKYLL
I must get to the hospital, sir.

SIR CHARLES
Hospital? On a Sunday? Oh, you mean
that outrageous individual that -?

BEATRIX
Harry says Providence dropped the
poor man right into his lap.

SIR CHARLES
But this is most unusual, my boy.
You know, we always take our stroll
before --

JEKYLL
I'm sorry, but it is, sir. Most
unusual.

(CONTINUED)
8.

15A CONTINUED: 15A

By this time they have reached Sir Charles [...] smart open
carriage. A footman stands holding the door open for them. A
groom, in similar livery, is on the box.

BEATRIX
(turning to him)
See you at the Marley's tonight,
now. Don't be late.

JEKYLL
And let you have free rein with all
those men?

He kisses her on the lips, much to Sir Charles' consternation.
She laughs and gets into carriage. Sir Charles, nervous about
the kiss, looking about to see who has noticed it, follows
Beatrix into carriage.

15B CLOSE TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL 15B

She sits with her hand resting on the side of the carriage.
O.s. the footman closes the door.

JEKYLL
(intimately)
That's a very silly little hat, by
the way.

BEATRIX
I knew you'd like it.

JEKYLL
(picking up her hand -
kissing it)
There's really nothing about you
that I like at all.

As he holds her hand, he makes a surreptious little bite at
it.

15C CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 15C

He has been watching; he starts nervously as he sees Jekyll
do this.

SIR CHARLES
(to groom, o.s.)
All right, Jenkins.

15D GROUP SHOT - AROUND CARRIAGE 15D

The carriage drives o.s. Jekyll starts backing away, in the
opposite direction, waving to Beatrix. He backs into a fat
old dowager.


(CONTINUED)
9.

15D CONTINUED: 15D

JEKYLL
(to glaring dowager)
I beg your pardon!

15E CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX AND SIR CHARLES - INT. CARRIAGE - 15E
PROCESS

Beatrix is waving and laughs louder as she sees Jekyll's
dilemna o.s. As she laughs louder, Sir Charles pulls her
around.

SIR CHARLES
My dear - please -

BEATRIX
But you didn't see him. He backed
right into Lady --

SIR CHARLES
My dear Beatrix - I'm a very broad-
minded man, as you know - but despite
the fact that you and Harry are
engaged to be married, I wish he
wouldn't carry on his demonstrations
of affection in public.

BEATRIX
Now, Father darling - don't be
pompous.

SIR CHARLES
(bowing to a passerby
o.s.)
But good heavens - nibbling your
knuckles...

Beatrix bursts out in a peal of healthy laughter, throwing
back her head.
Genres: ["Drama","Period Piece"]

Summary A man disrupts a church service, causing a stir in the congregation. Dr. Jekyll examines the man and gives the constable a card to take him to the hospital. Jekyll then attends a service with Beatrix Emery and her father, Sir Charles, but is interrupted by the man's voice. After the service, Beatrix and Sir Charles leave in a carriage while Jekyll heads to the hospital.
Strengths "The scene sets up the conflict and introduces the main characters"
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more engaging and dynamic"
Critique Overall, the scene sets up some key relationships and conflicts, but the dialogue and action could be improved to create more impact.

The introduction of the man in need is a bit abrupt and could benefit from some context or foreshadowing. The man's voice and laugh also come across as a bit caricatured, which detracts from the seriousness of the situation.

The interaction between Jekyll and Beatrix is somewhat awkward and could use some more natural-sounding dialogue to establish their relationship and chemistry. The kiss at the end of the scene feels forced and doesn't quite fit with the tone and setting of the church.

Sir Charles is a well-defined character, but his disapproval of Jekyll's actions feels a bit predictable and one-dimensional. Adding more layers to his personality could make him a more interesting and complex foil to Jekyll.

Overall, the scene has potential but could use some reworking to make the characters and conflicts more fully realized.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Add more action or movement to the scene. As it stands, the scene is mostly dialogue with characters standing in one place. Consider adding more movement or action to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

2. Develop the characters further. Right now, the characters feel a bit flat and stereotypical. Try to give them more depth and complexity, with unique quirks and motivations.

3. Show, don't tell. The dialogue feels a bit forced and on-the-nose. Try to convey more information through actions and visuals, rather than just having the characters say things out loud.

4. Add more conflict or tension. The scene feels a bit too pleasant and uneventful. Consider adding some conflict or tension to make it more engaging for the audience.

5. Play with tone. The scene has a fairly consistent tone throughout. Try to mix it up by adding humor or drama to make it more interesting.



Scene 4 -  The Hospital Visit
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
SIR CHARLES
(quickly)
Beatrix -!

16-25 OUT.

15F CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX - PROCESS 15F

She controls herself, and subsides to a giggle, shaking her
head at her Father's attitude, as we

DISSOLVE TO:
10.



16 CLOSE SHOT - INT. HOSPITAL - MRS. HIGGINS' FACE 16

Mrs. Higgins is the woman with the man who caused the
disturbance in the church. She is sobbing silently in contrast
to Beatrix and WE PULL BACK to see her standing outside a
door in the corridor of the hospital. AS WE HOLD the door
opens and a young interne steps out with a rather
surreptitious look back into the room. All we can see in the
room is the end of a bed with a man's feet strapped to it.

MAN'S VOICE
(Higgins, as door
opens)
Now, Doctor, my lad - as man to man -
we know what's fun in life and what
isn't! Eh, Doctor?

The man laughs wildly. The interne closes the door quietly
and WE PAN HIM as he hurries down the hall to the end, and
enters a door.

17 CLOSE SHOT - DOOR AT END 17

On it is marked: "House Physician - Dr. Heath."

INTERNE'S VOICE
I'm sorry, sir. But Dr. Jekyll insists
going ahead with treatment.

HEATH'S VOICE
But that mustn't be! The man's under
observation!

INTERNE'S VOICE
Yes, sir. That's what I told him,
but -- You better come, sir.

The young interne comes out with Dr. Heath, a matured
physician of about fifty. Dr. Heath wears a worried frown on
his face. WE TRUCK WITH THEM a little way back toward the
room.

DR. HEATH
(agitated - as they
come out)
He has no right to do such a thing!

INTERNE
I suggested it would be better that
he consult you first, sir - but he
still --

DR. HEATH
I know. Thank you, Fenwick.


(CONTINUED)
11.

17 CONTINUED: 17

WE PAN them on down the hall to the door where Mrs. Higgins
is waiting.

18 CLOSE SHOT - AT PATIENT'S DOOR 18

Dr. Heath enters the room. Mrs. Higgins sobbing, puts her
hand on the interne's arm as he is about to follow. Inside,
the man Higgins is laughing evilly.

MRS. HIGGINS
Isn't there anything they can -?

INTERNE
Everything possible is being done,
Mrs. Higgins. Dr. Jekyll knows more
about your husband's case than any
other mental specialist in London.

HIGGINS' VOICE
(from inside)
Why! Here's another doctor! But don't
ask him! He's too old!

The interne closes the door. The man's high laugh comes from
inside. Almost immediately the door is opened by Dr. Heath
who comes out with Jekyll.

DR. HEATH
It's a matter of ethics, Jekyll. I
can't allow it.

MRS. HIGGINS
Dr. Jekyll, can't I go in and --

JEKYLL
(gently, patting her
shoulder)
Not yet, Mrs. Higgins. Bear up now.
That's the way you said you'd help -
remember.

Continues to Heath as WE PAN THEM DOWN the corridor, Jekyll
obviously trying to control himself

JEKYLL
But, good heavens, man - this is the
chance of a lifetime for me. The
more I see of the case the more I
realize it.

The stop a little way down the hall, opposite an open
unoccupied room.
12.



19 TWO SHOT - HEATH AND JEKYLL 19

HEATH
It's quite possible that this case
might fall within the bounds of your
research. You know how we've all
admired your other work in the past.
And personally, I'd like to bow to
your opinion here, but in my position
as head of the staff, I cannot
countenance --

He stops and realizes they are being watched o.s. as he looks
down the hall.

20 CLOSE SHOT - MRS. HIGGINS - THEIR ANGLE 20

She stands looking at them pathetically, wringing her hand.

21 TWO SHOT - JEKYLL AND HEATH 21

HEATH
(indicating open door)
Better come in here.

They go into vacant room and close door.

22 SLOW TRUCKING SHOT - MRS. HIGGINS 22

She looks at the room her husband is in, then starts
timorously along the hall to the door behind which are Heath
and Jekyll. WE HOLD A SECOND here. She would like to go in.
She starts to knock. Jekyll's and Heath's voices are only
murmurs.

JEKYLL'S VOICE
(suddenly rising clear)
But I'm not witch doctor!

HEATH'S VOICE
(rising, too - very
clear)
Who's called you a witch doctor? You
told me yourself you've had no
definite success. I can't allow you
to experiment with -

There are sudden quick footsteps toward door, and it is flung
open by Jekyll.
Genres: ["drama","historical"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll examines a patient in a hospital against the wishes of his colleague, Dr. Heath. Mrs. Higgins, the patient's wife, waits outside and is reassured by Jekyll. The patient inside the room laughs deliriously.
Strengths "The conflict between Jekyll and Heath adds tension to the scene, while Mrs. Higgins' anxiety creates empathy for her situation. The patient's delirium also adds to the intrigue."
Weaknesses "There could be more dialogue and action to move the story forward, and the motivations of Jekyll and Heath could be clearer."
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be a part of a larger plot line. It is difficult to evaluate the quality of the scene without the context of the rest of the story. The scene starts in one location and transitions to another with no clear motivation for the cut. Additionally, the dialogue is somewhat unclear and difficult to follow at times. There is also a lack of description and visual detail in the scene, making it difficult to imagine the setting and characters. More descriptive language and clear-cut motivations for each character's actions would strengthen this scene.
Suggestions The scene contains a lot of dialogue and exposition, which can be overwhelming for the audience. To improve this scene, it is suggested to break down the dialogue into smaller chunks, making it more digestible for the audience. Scenes can also benefit from some visual storytelling, such as using camera shots and movements to convey the emotions of the characters. Additionally, the scene might be better served by focusing on one central conflict, rather than several competing storylines. This will allow the audience to invest more in the characters and their struggles. Lastly, it is important to keep in mind the pacing of the scene and the overall story - does this scene move the plot forward, or is it simply providing information? If it is not essential to the plot, it may need to be cut or condensed.



Scene 5 -  Dr. Jekyll's Confrontation with Dr. Heath
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
HEATH
(following him)
Why, the man's a human being -!

Jekyll wheels on him at the door, his eyes blazing.

(CONTINUED)
13.

22 CONTINUED: 22

JEKYLL
You mean he was a human being! And
he'd have another chance at it, if
you'd keep your hide-bound ethics
out of this! There aren't any rules
for discovering medical Utopia! Or
perhaps you haven't the courage to
face what might be the greatest -!

He stops, glaring impotently at Heath, who steps back a
little, so vehement is Jekyll's look and attitude. Then,
with an inarticulate growl of disgust, Jekyll wheels away
quickly, AS WE TRUCK AND PAN with him to the end of the
corridor and around the corner. The tension of his anger
relaxes into a bitter smile as he walks along. He passes
some swinging glass opaque doors marked: "CHILDREN'S WARD",
and is about to go on when he thinks of something and turns
back, entering the ward.

23 PAN SHOT - JEKYLL - INT. WARD 23

As he walks down between corridor of beds and steps quickly
behind screen which covers the fourth of fifth bed. This is
obviously the Children's Orthepedoic Ward as we see by the
condition of the patients in the various beds.



24 CLOSE SHOT - AT BED 24

A small boy has obviously been badly smashed in an accident.
A worried young father, sitting by the bed, gets up quickly
as Jekyll comes in. The little boy, his legs suspended in a
pully contraption, smiles weakly at Jekyll as the latter
feels his pulse.

JEKYLL
(to little boy)
Hullo, Tommy Atkins - how's the war?

The little boy laughs in weak happiness.

FATHER
(to Jekyll)
He's - he's going to be all right,
isn't he, doctor?

Jekyll waits a second, counting pulse.

JEKYLL
(smiling at boy)
Charlie and I never had a doubt about
it, did we, Charlie?

At this moment o.s. we hear a little girl's voice wailing.

(CONTINUED)
14.

24 CONTINUED: 24

LITTLE GIRL'S VOICE (O.S.)
I can't! Please, nurse --

NURSE'S VOICE (O.S.)
Now do as nurse says, Dorothy.

Jekyll looks in the direction of the voice and walks off
o.s.

25 35 GROUP SHOT - AISLE BETWEEN BEDS 25

A nurse is trying to get a little girl of five or six to
throw away her crutches and walk. The little girl is
frightened. Neither of them notices Jekyll as he comes out
in the aisle and watches the scene.

NURSE
Give the crutches to nurse now,
Dorothy.

DOROTHY
(her lip quivering)
I can't! I'll fall again. I don't
want to fall again.

NURSE
(starting to reason
again)
Dorothy dear, listen to me. If I
tell you -?

26 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 26

Jekyll is studying Dorothy o.s.

DOROTHY'S VOICE
But I'll hurt myself some more. I
can't walk.

JEKYLL
(suddenly - firmly)
Dorothy!
(he exits towards her)

27 CLOSE SHOT - DOROTHY AND JEKYLL 27

as she looks at Jekyll, who comes into SCENE.

DOROTHY
(slowly)
What, sir?

JEKYLL
Give me those crutches.
15.



28 FULL SHOT 28

Dorothy allows Jekyll to take the crutches from her. She
stands wavering.

JEKYLL
(without holding out
hands)
Now walk. Walk here to me.

Dorothy teeters after him as he backs up slowly for fifteen
feet. As she reaches Jekyll he kneels down and steadies her.

29 GROUP SHOT - JEKYLL, DOROTHY AND NURSE 29

DOROTHY
(looking at him in
wonder)
I walked! I walked, didn't I?

JEKYLL
(almost severely)
Dorothy, always remember you can do
anything in this world you put your
mind to.
(then patting her
head with a grin)
Why, you'll be dancing on Hampstead
Heath next Bank Holiday!

He straightens up and hands her over to the nurse who exits
with her. Jekyll turns and WE PAN HIM OUT of the ward.

30 FULL SHOT - EXT. WARD 30

Just as Jekyll comes out into corridor; he is joined by a
pleasant, solid-looking man of about his age, Dr. John Lanyon,
his friend and colleague. Lanyon, a stethescope about his
neck, yet attired as Jekyll, looks concerned as WE TRUCK
THEM down the corridor.

DR. LANYON
Harry, old boy, what's up? There're
rumors of a tiff between you and --
Genres: ["drama","historical"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll stands up for his medical beliefs and ethics when Dr. Heath questions his actions. He then visits a children's ward where he helps a little girl walk, showing his kindheartedness. Dr. Lanyon confronts Dr. Jekyll about rumors of a tiff between him and someone else.
Strengths "This scene does an excellent job of showing Dr. Jekyll's steadfast ethical beliefs and his kind and compassionate nature. The confrontation with Dr. Heath is tense and emotional, and the scene with the little girl is heartwarming."
Weaknesses "The dialogue between Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Heath could be more impactful, and the stakes of the scene are not particularly high."
Critique Overall, this scene seems well-written and effective in conveying the character of Dr. Jekyll. The dialogue and actions demonstrate his passion for medicine and his willingness to push boundaries. The scenes with the children also humanize him and show his caring side. However, the scene could benefit from more visual description and variety in sentence structure. Some of the longer sentences could be broken up and more attention could be given to specific details to enhance the reader's immersion in the scene.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to clarify the conflict between Jekyll and Heath in the beginning. It is not clear what they are arguing about and why Jekyll is so angry. It would also help to provide more context about Jekyll's experiments and how they relate to his interactions with the patients in the ward. Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened and made more natural, as some of the lines sound a bit stilted and unnatural. Finally, it could be helpful to show more of Jekyll's internal struggle and motivations for his actions, as this would make him a more complex and interesting character.



Scene 6 -  Jekyll's Ethical Dilemma
  • Overall: 7.8
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
JEKYLL
(with a calming
gesture, and a rueful
smile)
Don't worry, John. The bull is leaving
the china shop.

DR. LANYON
But you must realize that Heath has
his --

(CONTINUED)
16.

30 CONTINUED: 30

JEKYLL
(sardonically, yet
with affection)
I realize, Dr. John Lanyon, my friend
and eminently respected surgeon that
your Dr. Heath is right. My treatment
was not yet thoroughly proven. And
if we doctors were allowed to
experiment on human beings, too many
things would go wrong - and human
beings might lose faith even in the
proven good of medicine. Isn't that
it?

By this time WE HOLD as they reach a table near the foyer on
which doctors have placed their hats and sticks and from
which Jekyll picks up his.

DR. LANYON
(attempting to reason)
Harry --

JEKYLL
(now definitely)
But I'm not far from proof! And when
I get it: Ethics or no ethics!

Lanyon shrugs, and laughs, patting Jekyll with a soothing
gesture on the back, and exiting o.s. down another turn of
the corridor.

Then Jekyll thinks of something and starts quickly back down
the corridor just as the interne of the previous SCENE rounds
a corner to meet him, carrying a leather vial case. WE HOLD.

INTERNE
(handing case to him)
I thought perhaps you'd --

JEKYLL
(quickly, serious)
Yes.
(opens case, runs his
fingers over tops of
vials disclosed to
see if all are there,
then closes it)
Thank you, Fenwick.

We PAN HIM as he turns back toward foyer again, taking out a
key and locking case as he goes, as we,

DISSOLVE TO:

41-42 OUT.
17.



31 FULL SHOT - EXT. JEKYLL'S HOUSE - LATER 31

It is the type of house found in Harley Street of Adam
architecture, proving Jekyll's means and position. Jekyll's
carriage draws up and stops.

31A CLOSER SHOT - AT CARRIAGE 31A

Jekyll merely sits and stares ahead of him, unaware that he
is home. The groom, not hearing him open the door, looks
around. This causes Jekyll to look at the groom, realize
they have reached home.

JEKYLL
Oh - yes, Burke -

He gets out, and WE PAN HIM up to the front door. He takes
out his key and enters.

32 OUT. 32

33 FULL SHOT - INT. ENTRANCE HALL - JEKYLL'S HOUSE 33

Jekyll lets himself in with the key, walks slowly to the
center of the hall, stands there in thought for a second.
Poole, his butler, an old man full of warm adoration for
him, is hurrying down the stairs, and goes to him.

POOLE
(taking his hat and
stick)
Good afternoon, sir.

JEKYLL
(almost to himself)
Hello, Poole...

POOLE
I'm so glad you're home for tea,
sir. Where will you take it?

JEKYLL
(strolling slowly
away)
Oh - anywhere....




(CONTINUED)
18.

33 CONTINUED: 33

POOLE
(hurrying up beside
him)
I'll be bound you've had no lunch...
those hospitals. Some nice buttered
crumpets, sir - but we mustn't have
too much, or we shan't be eating a
good dinner at the Marley's - and
Miss Beatrix would be after me
properly.

JEKYLL
(not having heard a
word)
Hmmm...

With this he quickens his pace, and darts through an entrance
way off the hall.

34 FULL PAN SHOT - EXT. COURTYARD AND BRIDGE - JEKYLL'S HOUSE 34

The back court and garden are sunk below the ground level of
the main house. Jekyll comes from the main house across a
bridge which leads to another separate building in back, his
laboratory. He reaches door of lab. Poole stands in the door
of the main house.

POOLE
Shall I serve it in the laboratory,
sir?

35 CLOSE SHOT - POOLE - AT DOOR OF MAIN HOUSE 35

POOLE
(calling after him -
losing patience)
Now you must have something, you
know -!

He stops as WE HEAR a door slam o.s. He shakes his head
hopelessly.
19.



36 FULL SHOT - INT. LAB 36
Genres: ["drama","medical"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll ignores his colleague's concerns about his experimental treatment methods. He visits his laboratory and is served tea by his butler, Poole.
Strengths "Dr. Jekyll's unwavering determination adds depth to his character. The dialogue between Jekyll and his colleagues is well-written and thought-provoking. Poole's loyalty and affability make him a likable character."
Weaknesses "The lack of action and high stakes in the scene may make it less engaging for some viewers. The somewhat repetitive debate over Jekyll's treatment methods may also feel tired to some viewers."
Critique The scene is well-constructed and engaging. The dialogue between Jekyll and Dr. Lanyon serves to reveal characterization and conflict. The setting of the entrance hall and courtyard provide a contrast between the controlled and refined setting of the house and the experimental and unpredictable nature of Jekyll's laboratory.

One suggestion for improvement would be to make the exchange between Jekyll and the interne more explicit in terms of the purpose of the vials. It is not clear to the audience what is in the vial case or why it is important to Jekyll's experiment. Further elaboration would enhance the tension and stakes of the story.
Suggestions Overall, the scene has good dialogue and characterization, but the pacing could be improved. Here are some suggestions:

1. Cut down some of the dialogue exchanges between Jekyll and Lanyon - at times it feels repetitive and slows down the scene.
2. Build up the tension and stakes of the scene by emphasizing Jekyll's desperation and eagerness to prove his treatment. This will make the final moment where he heads back to his lab more impactful.
3. Add more sensory details to the scene to immerse the audience in Jekyll's world. What does the lab look and smell like? How does Jekyll move through the space? By adding more sensory information, the scene will come alive and engage the audience more fully.



Scene 7 -  Jekyll's Experiments
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
In the center of the room is a huge work-table covered by a
strange series of test tubes, vials, crucibles, a smelter...
and a mysterious pharaphernailia of connected glass stills
form a weird unknown world in themselves. There is a cabinet
full of surgical instruments and another larger closed cabinet
with a heavy lock. There is little furniture except a writing
desk with a file and a chair. Jekyll hurries along a balcony
and down a flight of steps at the back into the room. He
places his case on the table. WE DOLLY AND PAN HIM over to a
row of cages filled with rats, guinea pigs and rabbits. His
manner is anxious, anticipatory. He looks at the first two
or three cages. In the first a couple of guinea pigs seem
rather active. He looks at their actions closely. He seems a
little excited as he passes to the next two cages, but then
his expression falls.

36A CLOSE SHOT - TWO CAGES - HIS ANGLE - 36A

In one a large rabbit lies dead. In the second is a large
dead rat.

36B CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 36B

He reaches o.s. and picks out the two dead animals. WE PAN
HIM down the wall a little.

-- [19] --

He takes a large rabbit out of a smaller cage. It is gentle
and sniffs his hand. He strokes its head. WE PAN HIM back as
he puts the rabbit into the experimental cage and then PAN
HIM as he picks up a heavy glove and puts it on his hand. He
stops by a cage in which is a large wharf rat, and reaches
in for it with his gloved hand.

36C CLOSE SHOT - RAT - INT. CAGE 36C

He backs into a corner as Jekyll's hand enters and then
springs at Jekyll's fingers, biting the leather. But Jekyll's
hand pins him down by the back of the neck.
20.



36D CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 36D

He brings the rat out and WE PAN him as he places it in the
second experimental cage. He picks up the two dead animals,
crosses with them to the main laboratory table. He unlocks
his case and takes out a single vial and looks from vial to
the dead animals. We feel a connection between them and the
attempted treatment of Higgins. Jekyll frowns, then
immediately starts to work. He takes out an oral syringe,
tests it, looking back at the fresh animals, then he lights
a gas flame under a tube, starts arranging a cooling coil,
etc., mixing concoctions, and WE DOLLY INTO HIS troubled
face, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

37 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX - INT. MARLEY DINING ROOM 37

Her expression is also troubled. She sits dawdling with her
dessert, and then she looks o.s. as WE PULL BACK ALONG the
table.

The Marley dining room is typical of the period, high stiff
chairs, seating fourteen people. They are in evening dress.
Mr. Marley, the vacant-looking host, sits at one end. On his
left, in order, are: Mrs. French, [...] Courtney - a bearded
conservative of the profession, Mrs. Courtney, Sir Charles,
Mrs. Weymouth - a female eagle withered from the tropics,
Colonel Weymouth, her husband, an old red-faced officer of
horse in mufti with decorations on his lapel, and then Mrs.
Marley, hostess. On Mrs. Marley's right, in order are:

The Bishop of All Souls, Lady Cooper - a coy female, then an
empty chair, then Beatrix, Lanyon, and Mrs. Arnold next to
Mr. Marley.

There is quiet, well-bred small talk. A butler and two maids
are in attendance. WE HOLD on Sir Charles as he looks at his
watch, and then glances o.s. at the empty chair next to
Beatrix.

38 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX 38

She reacts to her father's frown and turns to smile casually
at something said farthur down the table.

AD LIB
(under all this)
We had a perfectly shocking meet at
Ascot, didn't we?
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
21.

38 CONTINUED: 38

AD LIB (CONT'D)
Puggie Wilson has a wonderful new
filly, I understand... A good chance
for the Oaks this year... Of course
she's rather pretty - but my dear,
her father is in trade.... The poor
boy's just down from Cambridge --
simply exhausted from work...
Education demands sacrifice, doesn't
it? Etc.

Beatrix! expression suddenly lights up as we HEAR Jekyll's
Voice o.s.

JEKYLL'S VOICE (O.S.)
Mrs. Marley -!

39 FULL SHOT - DINING ROOM 39

Jekyll is just entering the dining room from the drawing
room, followed by a footman who has evidently just admitted
him. Jekyll heads straight for Mrs. Marley. The men rise.

40 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL AND MRS. MARLEY 40

She looks at him a little stiffly as she offers her hand.

JEKYLL
My deepest apologies.

MRS. MARLEY
(slightly sarcastic)
I know - you doctors - we can never
rely on you, can we?

JEKYLL
(turning on charm,
over her hand)
Mrs. Marley, I'd rather be reminded
of my short-comings by the smartest
hostess in London than to be on the
Jubilee Honors list.

MRS. MARLEY
(with a double-take,
completely mollified)
Ch! Sit there, Dr. Jekyll...

She indicates vacant seat o.s., and we PAN Jekyll as he walks
to it.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll experiments with his treatment while examining animals. Meanwhile, at a dinner party, Jekyll arrives late and apologizes to Mrs. Marley for his tardiness.
Strengths "The scene creates a building suspense as Jekyll works on his experiments while the tension between him and his colleagues rise."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel disconnected from the overall plot."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and descriptive. It sets up the setting and atmosphere of Dr. Jekyll's laboratory, and also provides a glimpse of the upper-class society of the time period. The use of close-ups and panning shots help to establish the important details of the scene.

However, there are some areas that could be improved. For example, the description of the dinner party could be more concise and focused on the important details. Some of the dialogue feels a bit unnatural and forced, particularly in the ad lib section.

Overall, the scene achieves its purpose of setting up the story and introducing the characters. But some refinement in the dialogue and focus on the most important details could make it more effective.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more visual interest and action, as it currently relies heavily on description and dialogue. For example, instead of just panning over to the cages filled with animals, we could see Jekyll actively interacting with them – perhaps he's feeding them or adjusting their environment in some way. This would also give us more insight into his character and his motivations.

Additionally, adding more tension and conflict to the scene would heighten the stakes and make it more engaging for the audience. Perhaps Jekyll is racing against time to find a cure for his patient, or there are other characters who are trying to stop him from pursuing his experiments. This would make the scene more dynamic and drive the plot forward.

Finally, it might be beneficial to give more context to the characters in the dining room and their relationships to Jekyll and each other. This would make it easier for the audience to understand the dynamics at play and invest in the characters' motivations and desires.



Scene 8 -  Jekyll Defends His Research
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 6
JEKYLL
(to standing gentlemen)
Gentlemen, please... Good evening,
Bishop - John - Colonel Weymouth -

(CONTINUED)
22.

40 CONTINUED: 40

AD LIB
Ah, Doctor... Harry... good evening,
sir.

JEKYLL
(looking at Beatrix -
as butler pulls out
chair muttering)
Been behaving yourself?

41 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX 41

As she laughs, and looks around the table.

42 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL 42

As he sits down between Beatrix and Lady Cooper.

JEKYLL
(to Lady Cooper - yet
feeling for Beatrix's
hand)
Lady Cooper - my short-comings are
rewarded.

LADY COOPER
(a coy dame)
Naughty man.

There is correct laughter at this "risque" dialogue.

DR. LANYON
A doctor's life, eh, Harry? The more
patients, the colder the soup.

JEKYLL
Wasn't a patient, exactly. I started
something in the laboratory and just
forgot to lock at the clock.

DR. COURTNEY
(a little patronizing)
Ah, yes, Jekyll - Heath was telling
me you're still carrying on with
that research of yours.

JEKYLL
(with a wry smile)
I'm afraid Dr. Heath isn't quite -
well, in sympathy, Dr. Courtney.

DR. COURTNEY
Well, that's understandable, isn't
it?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
23.

42 CONTINUED: 42

DR. COURTNEY (CONT'D)
Separating the facets of the brain...
a little ambitious, I'd say.

JEKYLL
(stung)
My research hopes to go deeper than
the brain -- into something more
intangible than the mind, even.

DR. COURTNEY
(looking at others
with a laugh)
Well, all that seems to be left is
the soul.

Colonel Weymouth and Marley laugh.

JEKYLL
All right. Have it that way. Because
that's just where I am aiming -- at
the soul.

A maid, putting his soup in front of him, looks extremely
startled.

43 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES AND OTHERS 43

He locks amazed at Jekyll o.s., puzzled and frowning.

DR. COURTNEY'S VOICE (O.S.)
The soul?

AD LIB (O.S.)
Good heavens... did he say "soul"?
What does he mean...? Etc.

44 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL, BISHOP, LADY COOPER 44

LADY COOPER
The soul! How thrilling!

BISHOP
(genially)
Come, come - my dear doctor - now
you're invading my territory.

JEKYLL
(looking at him with
a serious smile)
Yes, my Lord - and I hope I may be
of some assistance.
24.



45 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 45

He is a little startled by this radical statement and wishes
to assume that Harry is joking.

SIR CHARLES
My dear Harry - of course, you don't
mean this?

46 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL 46

He looks quickly over at Sir Charles, picking up the
challenge.

JEKYLL
But I do, Sir Charles. Just consider
that poor chap in church this morning.
If you didn't see him, you all heard
him, I'm sure.

BISHOP
Ah, yes. I thank you for your
assistance there, Dr. Jekyll.

DR. COURTNEY
(with finality)
Hopelessly insane. Obviously.

MRS. MARLEY
Why, the simply shocking things he
said...

JEKYLL
He wasn't insane. There was just one
side of him in existence. And that
side was speaking the truth.

COLONEL WEYMOUTH
Good heavens! Which side?

JEKYLL
His evil side. The man has been
spiritually distorted through shock...
that explosion in the gas mains last
month. Before that he was a fine,
solid citizen - gentle and kind with
his children - deeply in love with
his wife. Since then, he's suffered
a complete change - so that this
afternoon I saw him entirely reverted
to the animal - slythinking and vile,
dangerous and rapacious, by turns.




(CONTINUED)
25.

46 CONTINUED: 46
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll defends his unorthodox research on the soul to his colleagues at a dinner party. They question his methods, but he argues that he aims to go deeper than the brain. Dr. Jekyll gives an example of a patient he saw earlier, who has suffered a spiritual distortion and reverted to animalistic behavior since an explosion in the gas mains last month.
Strengths "This scene effectively establishes Dr. Jekyll's research as controversial and provocative, and sets up potential obstacles for him to face later in the story. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking."
Weaknesses "The scene may be overly talky, with characters mostly sitting around a table discussing ideas and not advancing the action. The emotional impact is also low."
Critique Overall, the scene could benefit from more clarity and focus. While it starts off introducing the characters, it quickly veers off into various conversational tangents without a clear throughline or purpose. The dialogue feels stilted and artificial, lacking in nuance and natural cadence. The exchanges between characters are often clunky and serve more as expository dialogue than anything else. Additionally, the scene lacks any visual description or detail, making it hard to envision the setting and the actions of the characters beyond their spoken words. The dramatic tension could also be improved, as the scene doesn't build towards any clear conflict or resolution. Overall, more attention to character development, dialogue, and visual description could elevate this scene.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written, but here are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Clarify the setting. Where is this dinner taking place? It would be helpful to establish the location and decor to help the audience visualize the scene.

2. Add more action and description. The dialogue is strong, but the scene could benefit from more physical action and gestures to help the actors bring the characters to life.

3. Provide more details about the characters. It would be helpful to know more about the personalities and backgrounds of the people at the dinner party. This would make the dialogue and interactions feel more authentic.

4. Consider cutting some of the dialogue. While the dialogue is strong, there may be too much of it. Consider cutting some lines to make the scene flow more smoothly and focus on the most important information.

5. Create more tension. Some conflict or tension between characters would add interest and intrigue to the scene. Consider adding a subplot or motivation for each of the characters to make the conversation more engaging.



Scene 9 -  Dr. Jekyll Defends His Research
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
LADY COOPER
(in the silence, edging
a little from Jekyll)
Mercy -!

47 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 47

The other maid is just taking away his dessert, plate. The
maid looks wide-eyed at Jekyll o.s. Sir Charles is very
uncomfortable.

SIR CHARLES
(shifting uneasily)
Yes... ahumm...

48 GROUP SHOT - AGAIN 48

DR. LANYON
(trying to pass it
off casually)
But Harry - what's that to do with
the soul? We can clearly understand
it as an injury to the nervous system
and therefore --

JEKYLL
(now lost in his
subject, earnestly
reasoning)
No, no, John - I insist he has been
shocked from normal good into complete
evil. When I said before he was a
"good" man, I didn't mean that he
didn't have a bad thought or two
from time to time -- and perhaps
commit his portion of transgressions
against the laws of civilized society.
Because, after all - that is the
problem of civilized Man's soul -the
good and the evil in it are constantly
fighting one another.

49 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL AND BISHOP 49

The Bishop is the least affronted, very interested, but
adamnantly patient.

BISHOP
There is a Higher Source from which
the good may always find aid in its
fight, Dr. Jekyll....

JEKYLL
I realize that, sir - but...
26.



50 CLOSE SHOT - COLONEL AND HIS WIFE 50

MRS. WEYMOUTH
(haughtily - her hand
possessively on
Colonel's arm)
Of course. The Colonel and I always
feel that people can be good if they
wish to be - and, well - otherwise,
if they don't.

COLONEL
(with a snort)
Exactly. Discipline! Everything
else is poppycock!
(then militantly
changing subject
with a joke)
Haw! But men going dotty and all
that do amusin' things at times. I
remember our sergeant during the
second Punjab campaign. We attacked
and --

MRS. WEYMOUTH
It was our quartermaster.

COLONEL
(not breaking his
stride)
Quiet, my dear - you were in Poona
at the time. I remember this -

51 CLOSE SHOT - MARLEY 51

MARLEY
(his mouth agape as
he still looks at
Jekyll vacuously)
But look here, Jekyll - I mean I - I
simply must get this straight - you
mean -?

52 FLASH SHOT - MRS. MARLEY 52

She is trying to get her stupid husband's eye to keep him
from pressing the subject.
27.



53 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL 53

JEKYLL
(warmed to his subject,
glad of the interest)
Well, to put it as simply as I can -
Good and evil are so close as to be
chained together in the soul. Man
isn't truly one, but two. Now what
if we could break that chain -
separate those two selves --
(his face alight,
lost in his subject)
To free the good in man, and let it
go on to its higher destiny... to
segregate the bad in man - and let
it destroy itself in its own
degradation!
(looks around, sees
he has gone beyond
their comprehension -
finishes lamely)
Well, roughly that's what my research
is leading to -- a combination of
chemical agents, which if administered
would --

Marley has just awakened to the fact that his guests aren't
very happy - particularly the two nervous ladies on his either
side. Also, he feels his own "character" attacked.

MARLEY
(sputtering)
But see here - aren't you rather
presumptuous in assuming there is
evil in all men?

JEKYLL
Of course there's evil in all men!

He speaks the following with a peculiar faunlike glee, jabbing
at them with his tone, quietly, but watching them all as he
looks around the table. He's mad now at their subborn refusal
to look at the facts.

54 PAN SHOT - SLOW - AROUND TABLE 54

Jekyll's voice comes over the stiff-lipped women and
uncomfortable men.




(CONTINUED)
28.

54 CONTINUED: 54
Genres: ["drama","sci-fi"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll defends his unorthodox research on the soul to his colleagues at a dinner party. They question his methods, but he argues that he aims to go deeper than the brain.
Strengths "The dialogue is engaging and informative about Jekyll's character and pursuit, and the conflict between him and his colleagues creates tension."
Weaknesses "Some of the characters feel underdeveloped, and the scene lacks significant emotional impact."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as lacking in clear purpose and focus. It jumps between various characters and their reactions to Jekyll's ideas without really allowing the audience to get a sense of what the scene is trying to accomplish. Additionally, there are too many characters and subplots to keep track of, which can make the scene feel cluttered and confusing.

Furthermore, the dialogue is somewhat clunky and overly expository, with characters explaining their own emotions and reactions instead of simply showing them through their actions and expressions. This can make the scene feel forced and unnatural.

Overall, I would suggest streamlining the scene to focus on a smaller group of characters and their reactions to Jekyll's ideas. Additionally, the dialogue could be sharpened to make it more natural and effective in conveying character emotions and motivations.
Suggestions First, consider breaking up the scene into smaller, more manageable actions. It is difficult to follow what is happening with so many characters talking at once.

Next, consider adding more visual action to the scene. Right now, there is a lot of dialogue, but not much to visually engage the audience. You can use body language and blocking to make the scene more visually interesting.

Also, try to focus on one central conflict or idea for the scene. Right now, there are multiple conversations happening simultaneously, which can make it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.

Finally, consider tightening up the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Too much exposition can slow down the pace of the scene and bore the audience. Focus on making each line count and moving the story forward.



Scene 10 -  Jekyll defends unorthodox research on the soul
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
JEKYLL'S VOICE
We'd be hypocrites if we didn't admit
it. We've all had thoughts we wouldn't
care to have published ... or shouted
out loud. Our desires aren't always
confirmed to a drawing room. As
Christian we admit that Man was
created weak! It's an honest problem.
Shouldn't we face it?

By this time WE HOLD ON the Bishop. There is a tense silence!

BISHOP
(with gentle dignity)
Suppose we believe that Man's soul
has not yet reached its fulfillment.
Is it right or wise to tamper with
this problem, until its Creator has
solved it - in His own mysterious
way?

55 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL, COLONEL, BISHOP 55

The Colonel is looking across at Jekyll, trembling with
austere indignation.

JEKYLL
(softening a little)
My Lord - as I said before -

56 CLOSE SHOT - DR. COURTNEY - 56

He draws himself up in a severe conservative huff.

DR. COURTNEY
Really, Jekyll - this is quite
alarming. Such theories are
dangerously close to a -- well, I
hesitate to think what the Medical
Council will be forced to say if --

57 GROUP SHOT - INCLUDING JEKYLL'S END OF TABLE 57

Sir Charles looks with alarm at what Dr. Courtney is saying.

JEKYLL
(with an undercurrent
of heat - but smiling)
Dr. Courtney - advanced theories are
always the sore-point for the Medical
Council - or even a Queen's physician.
Especially if there's a confortable
profit in those already safely
established.


(CONTINUED)
29.

57 CONTINUED: 57

DR. COURTNEY
(bristling)
Jekyll - if -

COLONEL
(suddenly exploding)
If you want my opinion, young man -
this is all pure balderdash!

JEKYLL
(right back at him)
Really, Colonel Weymouth? Suppose
we take your profession. What about
the soldier when he comes out of
battle - keyed up from the lust of
killing? What about his thoughts?
He's lonely - bewildered. Why just
recall yourself, as a young subaltern
in Egypt - back from a campaign up
the Nile - on a moonlit night in
Cairo. What were your thoughts? What
was in your mind?

For a moment the Colonel is so moved by the glamor and
nostalgia in Jekyll's words, that his mouth is agape.

COLONEL
(half remembering dim
conquests)
Well, now - if you put it - I mean
that's something diff--
(then suddenly feels
his wife's eagle
glare - pounds table)
Harrumph! By Gad, sir! I've heard
enough!

58 CLOSE SHOT - MRS. MARLEY 58

She pushes her chair back in the sudden silence, rises with
a sugary little murmur.

MRS. MARLEY
Ladies...?

59 FULL SHOT - ROOM 59

As the ladies rise, and leave, the men standing.

LADY COOPER
(as they go)
Oh, I meant to ask. Has anybody seen
Wilde's new play, "The Ideal Husband"?



(CONTINUED)
30.

59 CONTINUED: 59

MRS. FRENCH
Oh, yes - at the Haymarket - a little
so-so for my taste but then -

MRS. ARNOLD
The pantomime at the Lane is
magnificent. Dan [...] is screamingly
funny.

MRS. COURTNEY
Yes. And have you seen Irving's "King
Arthur"... Superb...

60 TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL (OVER THIS) 60

As she rises she gives him a little smile which means "I'm-
with-you", perhaps even purses her lips at him quickly as WE
PAN her away with the other women.

61 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 61

He looks after her, raises his eyebrow with a dry grin and
shrugs his shoulders.

62 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 62

He is looking from Jekyll to Beatrix o.s., a worried look of
disapproval in his expression, as we,

DISSOLVE TO:

63 FULL SHOT - CARRIAGE - EXT STREET - NIGHT 63

It clops along with two horses, footman and driver on box.

64 FULL SHOT - INT. CARRIAGE - LATER 64

Beatrix sits between Jekyll and Sir Charles on the back seat.
Lanyon sits on the jump seat. Sir Charles looks silent and
worried. All are aware of this. WE ONLY HEAR the clop-clop
of the horses. Beatrix suddenly puts her hand over her
Father's.

BEATRIX
(affectionately)
Tired, Father darling...?
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll argues with his colleagues discussing whether or not it is wise to tamper with the soul, while defending his unorthodox research on the soul.
Strengths "Engaging dialogue with contrasting views of spirituality. Scene sets up character motivations and conflicts between characters."
Weaknesses "Lacks visual cues and is dialogue-heavy. Limited emotional impact."
Critique Overall, the scene has strong dialogue and character interactions, but there are a few areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, the beginning of the scene has a lot of exposition from Jekyll's voiceover. Although it's necessary information, it could be more interestingly conveyed through action or dialogue. For example, Jekyll could be fidgeting nervously or the other characters could be avoiding eye contact with him, showing their discomfort with the topic he's bringing up.

Secondly, the scene could benefit from more clear and concise blocking. There are a lot of characters in the scene, and it's sometimes unclear who is speaking or reacting to what. Some more specific stage directions or camera angles could help with this.

Overall, the scene has potential and with some minor adjustments, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions In terms of improving this scene, it would be helpful to have a clearer sense of what the overall objective or conflict is in the scene. It seems to be focused on Jekyll presenting his radical ideas and the other characters reacting to them, but it's not entirely clear what the stakes are or why we should care. Adding some more tension or consequences to the scene could make it more engaging.

It may also be helpful to make the dialogue more concise and focused. Some of the speeches from Jekyll and the Bishop feel a bit long-winded and could be trimmed down to be more impactful. Additionally, adding more action and physicality to the scene, such as characters moving around or reacting physically to each other, could add more visual interest and make the scene feel more dynamic.

Finally, it would be helpful to have a clearer sense of the characters' objectives and motivations in the scene. For example, why is Jekyll so insistent on presenting his ideas, and what does he hope to achieve? Similarly, what are the other characters' reactions based on, and what do they want to accomplish? Having a clearer sense of these things could add more depth and complexity to the scene.



Scene 11 -  Sir Charles
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
SIR CHARLES
Hm? Oh - no, no.
(as carriage stops)
Well - here we are, eh?
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
31.

64 CONTINUED: 64

SIR CHARLES (CONT'D)
(as Footman opens
door - and Lanyon
gets out)
That's it. You first, John.
(getting out himself
with a grunt, as he
rises)
Hmph! Getting old, I suppose.

65 GROUP SHOT - EXT. - AT CARRIAGE 65

They are in front of Sir Charles' house, a large mansion of
the period.

DR. LANYON
Well, Sir Charles, it's been a long
evening, so I imagine you -

SIR CHARLES
Oh, no - no. You must come in for a
night-cap, John.
(with a smile)
If you don't think the rest of the
company will be bored with each other.

Jekyll and Bee look at each other with relieved smiles.

DR. LANYON
Well - thank you, sir. Just one.

They all move toward the house, as we PAN, and

DISSOLVE TO:

66 FULL SHOT - INT. DRAWING ROOM 66

It is excellently and richly appointed in the style of the
period. Some French doors open off into a conservatory to
one side. Lanyon is pouring the drinks from a tray. Beatrix
and Jekyll are across the room at a music box, looking for
some discs. Sir Charles is looking in a humidor for cigars.

66A TWO SHOT - JEKYLL AND BEATRIX 66A

Jekyll is looking at a disc.

JEKYLL
What about this -?

BEATRIX
(whispering)
No.... this -

She looks affectionately o.s. toward her Father.

(CONTINUED)
32.

66A CONTINUED: 66A

JEKYLL
(puzzled - in same
voice)
What -?

BEATRIX
(whispering)
This is the one that makes Father
wind his watch.
(she puts it on and
it starts a lovely
waltz))
Look -

THEY BOTH LOOK

66B PAN SHOT - SIR CHARLES 66B

He raises his eyes from the humidor at the first strains. He
seems to think back for a second. THEN WE PAN HIM as he walks
slowly to grandfather's clock. Beside the clock is a portrait
of a lovely woman, obwiously Beatrix's mother by her looks.
Sir Charles takes out his watch and winds it, but he does
not look at it. He is looking up at the picture, not the
clock.

66C CLOSE SHOT - PICTURE 66C

66D CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 66D

His eyes are a little misty, as he looks o.s. at the picture.

66E TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL 66E

As they watch Sir Charles o.s.

BEATRIX
(to Jekyll)
It is the waltz that he and Mama
first danced together.

JEKYLL
(touched)
Oh...
(turns to Beatrix,
with a little bow)
May I have the honor, Miss Beatrix?

BEATRIX
(curtseying)
With pleasure, Dr. Jekyll.

He takes her in his arms, and they waltz through the French
doors into the conservatory.
33.



67 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 67

He turns from the picture and watches them waltz o.s.

68 EFFECT SHOT - SIR CHARLES' ANGLE - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL 68

They waltz, framed in the French doors.

68A CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 68A

He smiles a little wistfully, touched by his memories.

68B BACK TO BEATRIX AND JEKYLL - HIS ANGLE 68B

They dance o.s. into the part of the conservatory hidden
from his view.

69 CLOSE SHOT - SIR CHARLES 69

His wistful expression turns to one of worry. Lanyon appears
INTO SCENE, carrying two glasses, hands one to Sir Charles.

DR. LANYON
Sir Charles...
(raising his glass)
Your health, sir.

SIR CHARLES
Hm? Oh, yes, John - thank you, sir.

He raises his glass, then drinks, then looks o.s. toward
conservatory again, worried.

70 EFFECT SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL - INT. CONSERVATORY 70

They are in each other's arms, in a long embrace. WE ARE
SHOOTING from the middle of the round, glass-domed room,
through ferns and foliage. The waltz plays dimly o.s. Their
lips part.

JEKYLL
Where's our melody - when first we
met? We haven't got any....

They start walking around the rotunda and WE PAN.

BEATRIX
Oh, yes we have. It isn't when you
meet. It's when you know.

JEKYLL
Know what?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll and his colleagues continue their discussion about his unorthodox research on the soul at a dinner party. Sir Charles invites Dr. Lanyon for a nightcap. The scene then shifts to the drawing room of Sir Charles' house, where they listen to music. Jekyll and Beatrix waltz while Sir Charles gets emotional after seeing a picture of Beatrix's mother
Strengths "The scene shows the emotional attachment Sir Charles has to his wife and their memories. The dialogue further develops the ongoing conflict between Jekyll and his colleagues. The music playing establishes the mood and tone."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot development and conflict. The audience may find some parts slow and uninteresting."
Critique This scene does a good job of setting the mood and introducing the characters in the story. However, it is lacking in conflict and tension, which makes it feel a bit flat. The dialogue is also a bit on the nose, with characters explaining their emotions and memories very plainly. More subtlety in both the dialogue and the actions of the characters would make this scene more engaging. Additionally, it would be helpful to have a clearer understanding of the larger story and the purpose of this scene within it.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is a bit slow and lacks tension. To improve it, consider adding a conflict or obstacle for the characters to overcome. Maybe Sir Charles receives a concerning letter or realizes he's lost an important document, causing him to leave the room abruptly and leaving the other characters to figure out what's going on. Additionally, more specific and dynamic descriptions could help bring the scene to life. For example, rather than just saying the room is "excellently and richly appointed," describe specific details like the furniture, decor, and lighting that would add to the atmosphere of the scene. Lastly, consider adding some subtext - what are the characters really feeling and what is motivating them in the scene? This will make the dialogue and actions more interesting and meaningful.



Scene 12 -  Jekyll and Beatrix Share Their Melody
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
(CONTINUED)
34.

70 CONTINUED: 70

BEATRIX
That the world's spinning around -
just for two people alone.

JEKYLL
When do two people know a thing like
that?

BEATRIX
Oh... just about a month ago - on a
high hill in Scotland..

JEKYLL
Oh, yes. I know that hill... Pretty
close to Heaven, isn't it?

BEATRIX
Right there. Right on the
outskirts....

JEKYLL
(as though suddenly
remembering)
I was there about that time - with a
girl of all things!

BEATRIX
Was the heather very high - and the
clouds very low above their heads -?

JEKYLL
Hmmm - yes - but what I remember
most was the way the wind caught the
absurd little ringlets in her hair.
(touching around her
ear)
Right about there.

She stops and turns to him.

BEATRIX
See? That's our melody.

JEKYLL
(nodding)
Uh-hm.

They kiss again. She looks at him a second, then draws away
and starts fingering a flower.

BEATRIX
Harry...

JEKYLL
What?
35.



71 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX 71

As she turns and looks up at him searchingly.

71A CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 71A

As he looks at her, wondering at her look.

JEKYLL
What, Bee?

72 TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL 72

BEATRIX
(slowly) T)
Onight at dinner... I understand
what you said about good and evil in
people - and that it's that way in
all of us... but if good and evil
are so closely related in us -
chained, as you said - why isn't -?.
(then she stops with
a little laugh, and
a shake of her head,
turning from him -
fingering flower
again)
Oh, no - it sounds so... silly - and
wrong, even...

JEKYLL
(tenderly)
This is you and I. Remember us?
Nothing you and I can ever discuss
will be wrong....

BEATRIX
Well then, why - why isn't the way
you and I feel about each other -? I
mean...
(hesitates, then with
direct, serious warmth)
There's nothing evil in that, is
there?

Jekyll laughs tenderly, and takes her hand in his.

JEKYLL
Look here. You and I are in love.
Such a small word for such a great
thing!
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
36.

72 CONTINUED: 72

JEKYLL (CONT'D)
But whatever it is, it's a blessed
thing, Bee. It makes us one strong,
living soul. And it takes whatever
power - or even whatever secret
delight that there is in evil - and
turns it all into good.
(searching her eyes)
Do I have to tell you that....?

BEATRIX
Oh, no -!

She surges into his arms. They kiss passionately, then look
at each other, speechless for a moment.

JEKYLL
(suddenly)
What in the world are we doing? Here
we are -- bound hand and heart in
some ridiculous long engagement --
just because it's the conventional
correct thing to --

BEATRIX
Oh, I know, my darling - I don't
want to wait, either. Let's ask Father
if --

JEKYLL
You leave it to me. I'll take him to
the club - put a glass of his favorite
brandy in his hand and when I'm
through he'll --

They both turn as WE HEAR footsteps o.s. Sir Charles appears,
carrying a glass in his hand. The music has stopped.

SIR CHARLES
(as he approaches)
Help John, will you, my dear? He's
in there hunting for the Bonnie Banks
of Loch Lommond, or something -

BEATRIX
Oh yes, Father...

She goes past him. Jekyll starts to follow.

SIR CHARLES
Harry...

JEKYLL
Yes, Sir Charles?


(CONTINUED)
37.

72 CONTINUED: (2) 72

SIR CHARLES
I'm not one to brood about and all
that -- but you must have noticed my
attitude coming home this evening.
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll and Beatrix share a romantic moment and discuss good and evil. They express their love for one another and decide to ask Beatrix's father for permission to marry.
Strengths "Strong romantic chemistry between Jekyll and Beatrix; introspective discussion about good and evil; emotional and heartfelt dialogue between characters."
Weaknesses "Slow pacing; lack of external conflict."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, my analysis of this scene is limited in providing feedback on elements such as cinematography, editing, and performances. However, from a storytelling perspective, this scene effectively demonstrates the growing intimacy between Beatrix and Jekyll, as well as foreshadowing the conflicts and obstacles they will face in their relationship. The dialogue is well-written, with natural-sounding exchanges that reveal the characters' thoughts and feelings. The scene also ends with a bit of suspenseful anticipation as Sir Charles interrupts the couple with a mysterious tone about his attitude, leaving the audience wondering what might happen next. Overall, this scene effectively advances the plot, develops the characters, and sets up future conflicts, thus serving as a solid piece of storytelling in the script.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve the scene is to add some more action or movement to make it visually interesting. For example, instead of having both characters standing and talking, they could be walking or sitting in a picturesque location. Additionally, the dialogue could be more concise and focused on developing the characters and their relationship. This could be achieved by removing some of the repetitive or unnecessary lines and focusing on the main themes of love, good and evil. Finally, the scene could benefit from more conflict or tension, either between the characters or in the situation they find themselves in. This could be achieved by introducing a new obstacle or challenge that they have to overcome together.



Scene 13 -  Jekyll's Dilemma
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
JEKYLL
Why, sir - I merely thought that -

SIR CHARLES
That amazing flight of fancy you put
forth at dinner... I must confess it
startled me -- and even though I'm a
broad-minded man, myself -- it was a
little shocking, too...

JEKYLL
Well, I'm sorry, Sir Charles - because
I assure you it wasn't a flight of
fancy at all.

SIR CHARLES
You mean you actually were in earnest?

JEKYLL
Profoundly so, sir. In fact, I'm
arranging to spend all my time at it --

SIR CHARLES
This is distressing, Harry --

JEKYLL
(puzzled at his
attitude)
Why?

SIR CHARLES
It's absolutely hair-brained, in my
opinion.

JEKYLL
(a little stung)
I'm sorry you feel that way. I've
just been explaining it further to
Bee. She understands.

SIR CHARLES
(stiffening - but in
gentle reminder)
There are some things no gentlewoman
should understand.




(CONTINUED)
38.

72 CONTINUED: (3) 72

JEKYLL
Oh, come now, sir. In this day and
age we're surely getting beyond all
that sort of --
(breaking off)
Besides, Bee and I are adults, sir -
we're deeplyin love - and very close.
That's why we see no need to wait.
We want to be married as soon as
possible. We both feel that --

SIR CHARLES
I thought we decided on February.

JEKYLL
But that's months away! We need
each other now. I want her near me -
with me - in all the work I'm going
to --

SIR CHARLES
No, no, Harry - I can't discuss any
change in the plans. After this
evening, more than -

JEKYLL
But, Sir Charles --

SIR CHARLES
Harry! Restraint is wise and healthy
in all matters... A sort of proving
ground. I waited five years for
Beatrix's mother.

JEKYLL
(with a wry smile)
If you'll forgive me, sir -- you
were a very sturdy man.

SIR CHARLES
(laughing)
Well, I'm not asking that of you -
but, come now, Harry. I'we always
wanted a son - and now you're going
to be that. So listen to me, my boy.
You're a coming man in your
profession. I'm proud of you. But
these ridiculous experiments won't
get you anywhere. You must give them
up. Develop your practise. Cultivate
the circle in which you and Beatrix
shall move. That's common sense, my
boy.
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
39.

72 CONTINUED: (4) 72

SIR CHARLES (CONT'D)
(patting his shoulder)
There now. I've had my say. Let's
get your night-cap, hm? Getting late.

He turns and starts back into drawing room.

73 OUT 73

73A TRUCKING SHOT - SIR CHARLES AND JEKYLL 73A

SIR CHARLES
Oh, by the way, don't forget - I've
taken a box for the opening concert
at the Albert Hall -
(passes o.s. ahead of
Jekyll)
You and John will join us, of
course...

But Jekyll is hardly listening, he is moody and downcast,
and almost resentful, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

74 FULL SHOT - EXT. SIR CHARLES' HOUSE 74

Lanyon and Jekyll are just coming down the steps and turning
into the walk along the street as WE PAN AND TRUCK with them.
Jekyll is silent and moody.

DR. LANYON
(noticing his mood)
What's up? You and the old boy cross
swords?

JEKYLL
(dryly)
It seems that I should give up my
research - and carry on with taking
out little Reggie Smith's adenoids
and giving Lady Gwendolyn St. Clair
a sugar pill for her perennial self-
induced hysteria - or else encounter
the serious disapproval of Bee's
father.

DR. LANYON
(laughing)
Oh, it can't be that bad, Harry. But
you did cut up a bit rough at the
Marley's, you know.

Jekyll stops, turning to him.


(CONTINUED)
40.

74 CONTINUED: 74

JEKYLL
(a little sharply)
I'm not asking you to agree with me.
I just have a decision to make, that's
all.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll defends his research to Sir Charles, but is met with disapproval. He then asks for permission to marry Beatrix, but is denied and told to focus on his medical career instead. He is left frustrated and conflicted.
Strengths "Strong dialogue that reveals the characters' emotions and motivations."
Weaknesses "Some may find the scene's slow pace and lack of action boring."
Critique The scene is well-written in terms of dialogue, character interaction, and conveying the conflict between Jekyll and Sir Charles. However, there are some issues with clarity and pacing.

Firstly, it's not entirely clear what "flight of fancy" Sir Charles is referencing when he expresses his shock to Jekyll. It could have been helpful to include a bit of context or exposition to make it clear what they are discussing.

Secondly, the scene progresses a bit slowly - there is a lot of dialogue that feels somewhat repetitive and doesn't move the plot forward very much. It might have been beneficial to condense the conversation a bit, or cut to a more impactful moment.

Overall, it's a decently written scene but could benefit from some tightening up and clearer communication of the story beats.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more specific details to show the characters' emotions and physical actions to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

2. Consider cutting down on some of the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.

3. Focus on creating more tension and conflict between the characters to make the scene more exciting and memorable.

4. Show more subtext and hidden agendas in the characters' conversations to add depth and complexity to their relationships.

5. Work on creating a distinct and memorable voice for each character to make them more believable and compelling.



Scene 14 -  The Encounter
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
DR. LANYON
Now, look, Harry - you and I have
been friends for years. I can't agree
with your theories - but that needn't
break up our friendship, you know. I
haven't seen anything of you lately.
(taking his arm)
Come on - let's drop down to the
club and play a rubber of whist. Do
you good.

JEKYLL
(moodily)
I'll walk that far with you...

THEY WALK ON, AS WE

DISSOLVE TO:

87-113 OUT.

75 TRUCKING SHOT - JEKYLL AND LANYON - STREET 75

They are in another part of town, taking a short cut in a
rather dingy section. At this point they cross the entrance
to a narrow mews (alley) and WE HOLD as sounds of a struggle
and cries come from its darkened recess.

GIRL'S VOICE (O.S.)
Let me go, you -! Why you filthy -!
Help -!

Jekyll and Lanyon both look down the mews, then dart o.s.
toward the sound.

76 GROUP SHOT - IN MEWS 76

Jekyll and Lanyon rush into SCENE to find a hulk of a gent
struggling unpleasantly with young girl. The scene is lit by
dim gas light. Jekyll pulls the man off the girl, who drops
to the ground with a moan against a rubbish box or an old
packing case. The gent starts to fight, then sees two against
one, and streaks down the mews with Lanyon and Jekyll in
pursuit, as WE PAN.

77 TWO SHOT - OTHER END OF MEWS 77

As the gent flies in and out of SCENE, Jekyll and Lanyon
stop, as they watch him streak across the street.

(CONTINUED)
41.

77 CONTINUED: 77

JEKYLL
Let him go. Get a cab. I'll see what's
been done.

He hurries back into the mews.

78 TWO SHOT - JEKYLL AND GIRL 78

She is sitting on the rubbish box, straightening her hat and
muttering to herself in comic tearfulness as Jekyll approaches
into SCENE.

GIRL
(to herself)
A nice thing... when a girl can't...
the big...

JEKYLL
(politely)
Did he hurt you?

GIRL
dusting off her dress - hardly
noticing him) It'd take more than a
bloke like that to --
(suddenly sees him
for first time,
impressed by his
looks and attire, in
almost childish
admiration)
Oh..!
(straightening her
hat)
I'll bet I look ever so untidy.

Jekyll can't help but smile, amused by her reaction. Then:

JEKYLL
You're sure you're not hurt?

GIRL
Why... I don't think so - I -
(stands - winces on
one foot)
Oo!

JEKYLL
Ankle?

GIRL
Mm. Twisted.
(sways and catches
his arm)
Do you mind?

(CONTINUED)
42.

78 CONTINUED: 78

JEKYLL
Of course not. An ankle can be very
painful...

GIRL
You're ever so kind.
(feeling her side)
Mm! Me side, too. He bashed a rib,
he did!

JEKYLL
I shouldn't have stopped. I should
have caught him, eh?

GIRL
Oh, no, I mean - I'm so glad you
stopped - if you take my meaning.

JEKYLL
(nodding ahead)
My friend's getting a cab. Can we
drive you anywhere?

GIRL
You're ever so kind.

JEKYLL
Nonsense. Let's try it, shall we?
(they start to walk
toward end of mews
as WE TRUCK WITH
THEM. She limps)
That's the girl.

GIRL
(smiling up at him)
A gent like you shouldn't be bothering
yourself about me, now.

JEKYLL
What sort of a gent doesn't like to
help a pretty girl? Hm?

He says this with casual politeness, but smiles down at her
as he finishes.

GIRL
Oh, now!
(straightening her
hat, flustered)
And me with my hat all about me head!

Jekyll laughs, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

(CONTINUED)
43.

78 CONTINUED: (2) 78


118-121 OUT.

122 THREE SHOT - JEKYLL, GIRL, LANYON - INT. HANSOM CAB - 122
PROCESS

She sits between them. Lanyon is not very pleased with her
voluble presence or with the job of taking her home.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll saves a young girl from a violent encounter and offers her a ride home. In the cab, Dr. Lanyon expresses annoyance at the girl's presence.
Strengths "Strong character development for Dr. Jekyll, who demonstrates his kind and romantic side in rescuing the young girl."
Weaknesses "Dr. Lanyon's annoyance at the girl's presence feels out of place and makes him unsympathetic."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and serves a clear purpose in the story by introducing the character of the girl and showcasing Jekyll's chivalry. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be further improved.

Firstly, the dialogue between Dr. Lanyon and Jekyll at the beginning of the scene feels a bit stilted and unnatural. While the sentiment of their friendship remaining intact despite differing views is important for the audience to understand, the delivery could be smoother. Additionally, the transition to the girl's cries for help feels a bit abrupt.

Secondly, the action in the mews could be described in more detail to make the audience feel more invested in the danger that the girl faces. While the sounds of a struggle and cries for help are effective, more description of the setting and the actions of the assailant would up the tension and allow for a more immersive experience for the audience.

Finally, the dialogue between Jekyll and the girl could be more nuanced. While Jekyll's chivalry is endearing, the girl's reaction to him feels a bit one-note and stereotypical. Adding some complexity to her character and her reactions to the situation could make the scene feel more dynamic and interesting.

Overall, the scene serves a critical purpose in the larger story and sets up important character dynamics. With some minor tweaks to dialogue and action description, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Add more conflict and tension to the scene. It currently feels very straightforward and lacking in drama. Consider adding more of a struggle when Jekyll pulls the man off the girl, or add more urgency to the chase as they pursue the gent down the mews.

2. Develop the characters more fully. We don't know much about the girl, other than the fact that she's been attacked. Consider giving her more depth and personality, and perhaps even adding a backstory that helps explain why she's in this situation. Additionally, we could use more information about Jekyll and Lanyon's relationship and how they feel about each other's differing opinions.

3. Consider tightening up the dialogue. Some of the lines feel a bit too on-the-nose, and could benefit from being more subtle or nuanced. Additionally, some of the dialogue (such as the girl's comic tearfulness) feels a bit clichéd.

4. Make the scene more visually engaging. The description of the scene is quite sparse, and could use more detail and sensory language to help readers picture the setting and action more vividly. Consider adding more atmospheric details (like the dim gas light in the mews) or specific actions that help create more tension (like having Jekyll wrestle with the attacker).

5. Tie the scene to the larger plot more effectively. It's not clear how this scene relates to the rest of the story or how it moves the plot forward. Consider adding some foreshadowing or hints about what's to come, or using the scene to develop themes or motifs that will be important later in the film.



Scene 15 -  Girl in Distress
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
GIRL
... and so he asks me can he walk me
home, he does. And I says yes. When
a girl has to work late at nights,
it's nice to have a bit of company
to see you home...

JEKYLL
(pleasantly, as Lanyon
makes no remark)
Naturally.

GIRL
(now all to Jekyll)
I know what's what. You have to if
you're a barmaid. I like a bit of
fun, as the saying goes. But when a
bloke grabs you sudden-like with
nasty notions in his head, it's time
to put your foot down.
(grabbing her side,
Leaning against
Jekyll) I)
'm sorry to bother you two gents...
ooo!

The cab slows to a stop.

123 FULL SHOT - CAB - EXT. TUKESBURY LANE BOARDING HOUSE 123

As the cab stops, Jekyll gets out first.

JEKYLL
(holding his arms up
to help girl)
Here you are.

As the girl gets down, she collapses on her ankle with a
muffled cry of pain and Jekyll catches her.

GIRL
Ow! It hurts more now -!

JEKYLL
Here -


(CONTINUED)
44.

123 CONTINUED: 123

With this, he picks her up.

DR. LANYON
(slightly impatient)
Can I give you a hand, Harry?

JEKYLL
(cheerily)
I think I can manage.

CONTINUED.

He carries the girl up the stoop to the door, as WE PAN. She
takes a key from her purse and opens the door. They go inside.

124 BOOM SHOT - INT. BOARDING HOUSE - HALL AND STAIRS 124

GIRL
(nodding upstairs)
Second floor - first door on the
right.
(watching Jekyll's
face as he carries
her up)
I'll bet I'm heavy...

JEKYLL
Oh, no.

GIRL
You're ever so strong, aren't you?

In the b.g., below a harridan of a landlady has poked her
head out of the door, and is watching them.

125 CLOSE SHOT - LANDLADY 125

She looks up after them with a knowing smile, lifting an
eyebrow and nodding her satisfaction at Jekyll's appearance.

126 FULL SHOT - GIRL'S DOOR - UPPER HALL 126

JEKYLL
(coming to top of
landing and door)
Here?

GIRL
Uh-huh.

She inserts a key and opens the door. Jekyll carries her in.
45.



127 REVERSE SHOT - INT. ROOM 127

WE ARE SHOOTING over a bed, and Jekyll and the girl's figures
are silhouetted in the door. He comes to the bed and puts
her down.

GIRL
(taking off her cape
or coat)
The light's by the door - if you've
a match.

JEKYLL
Right.

He goes back to the door, and lights the gas jet.

128 FULL SHOT - ROOM - DIFFERENT ANGLE 128

It is the usual dingy rooming house chamber, appointed as of
the era and the girl.... cheap souvenirs - men's pictures
(sailors and soldiers) tacked unframed on the walls, etc.
Jekyll puts his hat and stick down on a chair, and then closes
the door. WE PAN him over to her as she looks up at him,
half shy, half excitedly expectant.

JEKYLL
(calmly)
You better let down your blouse.

GIRL
(a little "miffed" at
the calm approach)
Why?

JEKYLL
(easily)
Don't you want me to have a look at
you?

GIRL
(coyly)
I don't know. You're lookin', ain't
you?

JEKYLL
But, your side. I thought you --

Then with a giggle, she quickly peels off her blouse, (or
lets down her shirt-waist) revealing herself in a fluffy
thin top slip of the period. She looks up at him, trying to
"play up". She pulls her feet upon the bed, under her.




(CONTINUED)
46.

128 CONTINUED: 128

GIRL
(softly)
You aren't half a fast one, aren't
you?

Jekyll looks puzzled for a second, then bursts out laughing.

JEKYLL
(between chuckles)
I'm sorry. Let's both understand
this, shall we? My friend and I are
physicians.

GIRL
Physicians...?

JEKYLL
(nodding)
Doctors.

GIRL
Doctors?
(suddenly laughs
delightedly at the
situation)
Go on! I thought you were just a
couple of toffs!
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll saves a young girl from a violent encounter and brings her home. They share a flirtatious conversation, which turns more serious when Jekyll reveals that he is a doctor and wants to treat her.
Strengths "The scene manages to introduce a new character while advancing the romantic subplot. Jekyll's playful side is shown as he flirts with the girl. The tension builds as Jekyll tries to examine her injury, adding a layer of conflict."
Weaknesses "The scene feels a bit disconnected from the rest of the plot. The girl's backstory and motivations are not fleshed out much."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot provide critiques as opinions are subjective. However, I can provide feedback based on technical aspects.

The scene starts with Girl telling Jekyll and Lanyon about being asked to be walked home by a man. The dialogues are well written and serve the purpose of giving background information about Girl's situation.

The action then shifts to the boarding house where Jekyll helps Girl to get inside as she hurts her ankle. The pacing of the scene is good, with Jekyll showing his gentlemanly nature by helping her.

As Girl and Jekyll are alone in the room, the dialogues between them get flirtatious. The scene then takes a turn when Jekyll reveals that both he and Lanyon are physicians. This revelation adds an element of surprise to the scene.

Overall, the scene is well-written, with the dialogues being the standout aspect. The pacing is good, and the revelation at the end of the scene adds a layer to the characters and their motivations.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I have to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the action: It's not entirely clear in the script whether Jekyll is helping the girl walk because she's had too much to drink or if she's injured her ankle. Adding clarity to this action will make the scene feel more grounded and less confusing.

2. Raise the stakes: The scene could benefit from some tension and conflict. Perhaps the girl is being followed by someone who is dangerous, or maybe Jekyll is reluctant to help her at first because he's afraid of being accused of impropriety. Adding some kind of obstacle will make the scene more engaging.

3. Develop the characters: The girl in this scene is a bit one-dimensional. Adding some backstory or depth to her character will make her more interesting and engaging. Similarly, Jekyll could be given more quirks or personality traits to make him feel more dynamic.

4. Use visual cues: The script relies heavily on dialogue to move the scene forward. Using visual cues, such as body language or setting details, can help convey more information and create a richer overall experience for the viewer.



Scene 16 -  Jekyll's Flirtation and Advice
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
JEKYLL
(laughing, too)
No. Haven't the leisure.

GIRL
(throwing back her
head, laughing)
Oh, dear me! -- And here I
thought -!

They stop laughing and look at each other.

JEKYLL
(quickly, easily again)
Well, I'm glad to see you're not
really hurt...

He smiles down at her, with a chiding look, then starts to
turn away.

GIRL
(quickly)
Oh, but I am, Doctor - truly -




(CONTINUED)
47.

128 CONTINUED: (2) 128

JEKYLL
(still kidding, turning
back)
I better send you to the hospital,
hm?

GIRL
(offering her side)
No, look - here - feel -

Jekyll adopts a mock serious manner and feels her side.

JEKYLL
Here -?

GIRL
("wincing")
O-o! Yes -

JEKYLL
Hm - I thought so - a transossis
pactoralis...

GIRL
(puzzled, alarmed)
What's that mean?

JEKYLL
(into her eyes)
That means your eyes are twin pools
of desire...

GIRL
(softly, slowly,
charmed)
Aw, Doctor... that's neat. You can
say the words, you can..!

JEKYLL
("surprised")
But doesn't this still hurt?

She looks down to see he is prodding her side.

GIRL
(quickly, wincing)
Hm? Oh - yes - o-o -!

JEKYLL
(straightening up,
with a chuckle)
It'll be all right in the morning...




(CONTINUED)
48.

128 CONTINUED: (3) 128

She quickly kicks off her shoe, peels off her stocking, holds
the garter in her hand, a little rubber-tape ringlet with a
gew-gaw buckle.

GIRL
(as she does so, softly)
But look here - my ankle - don't you
think you ought to look at that?

JEKYLL
(smiling, shaking his
head)
No.
(then points to where
garter has left a
red mark above her
knee)
But I'll tell you one thing, young
lady. You wear that garter too tight.
Bad. Stops the circulation.

The girl looks down and then looks up at him, pathetically
happy that he is this solicituous about her at least. She
rises and grabs his hands.

GIRL
There! You see now? You did find
something. You are my doctor, aren't
you?
(as he only smiles at
her, then:)
I ought to pay you a fee...

JEKYLL
(a little caught)
I haven't presented any bill...

GIRL
(handing him garter)
How about this? To begin with...
(as he looks at it)
Not that it's enough.

JEKYLL
Some people don't pay half as much --

GIRL
It don't seem near enough to me -!

With this she puts her arms about his neck and kisses him.
He half returns the embrace.
49.



128A FULL SHOT - ROOM 128A

The door opens with a simultaneous knock, and Lanyon stands
there.

DR. LANYON
Harry -? Is this -?
(seeing them break
apart)
Oh... sorry -
(a little coldly)
Come along, will you? It's getting
late.

He turns and we HEAR him walk down steps o.s.

128B TWO SHOT - GIRL AND JEKYLL 128B

He looks after Lanyon, frowning a little, then chuckles to
himself and shakes his head. He picks up his hat and stick,
walks toward the door. The girl follows him. He automatically
puts garter in his pocket.

GIRL
(puzzled)
You - you ain't really goin' - just
because he says that -

JEKYLL
No. But I have to go -

GIRL
But, look here - don't you understand?
I ain't no--

JEKYLL
(warmly)
I know that. You're a girl with her
heart just where it ought to be -
it's just a little too generous,
that's all.
(patting her arm)
-- So because you're a nice pretty
girl - just be a little smarter about
the company you pick from now on. Hm -
why not?

GIRL
Well, but -- You're here, ain't you?

JEKYLL
I shouldn't be, though. If you knew
me, you'd know I really don't want
to be. You see --
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll treats a young girl's injury, flirts with her, and advises her to be more careful with the company she keeps, while also revealing his conflicted emotions about staying with her.
Strengths "The scene shows Jekyll's inner conflict and desire for intimacy, while also developing his character through his interactions with the girl. The flirtatious banter adds some lightness to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel slightly disconnected from the larger plot, and the girl's character is not well-developed beyond her role as a flirtatious foil to Jekyll."
Critique Overall, the scene has good dialogue that flows naturally and captures the character's personalities. The interaction between Jekyll and the girl is flirtatious and playful, which adds some lightheartedness to the story. However, the scene has a lot of stage direction and physical movements, which can be distracting for a reader. Some of the actions, like the girl taking off her shoe and stocking, seem unnecessary and don't really add much to the scene. Overall, the scene could benefit from a tighter focus on the dialogue and character interactions rather than physical movements.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Increase tension: Currently, the scene lacks tension and conflict. Consider adding an obstacle that prevents the characters from getting what they want, or adding an element of danger or risk.

2. Develop the characters: The characters need to be more fully developed and their motivations should be clear. What do they want? What are they after? This will make the scene more engaging and interesting.

3. Raise the stakes: The stakes need to be higher for the characters so that the scene has more impact. What are the consequences of their actions? This will make the audience care more about what happens next.

4. Create a clearer narrative: The scene needs to have a clear narrative that leads the audience from one beat to the next. Some of the dialogue could be cut or rearranged to make the story more focused.

5. Add subtext: The characters should have underlying emotions and motivations that are not explicitly stated. This will create depth and nuance to the scene.

6. Consider the visual language: As a screenwriting expert, it's important to consider the visual language of the scene. What will be on screen? How will it look and feel? Think about how these factors can enhance the storytelling.



Scene 17 -  Dr. Jekyll's Temptation
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
(CONTINUED)
50.

128B CONTINUED: 128B

The girl lifts her head quickly, stung.

GIRL
Oh! Well, I picks only them as wants
my company. I'll tell you that!

Her lip starts to quiver. Whatever her carefree loves, she
senses she is the woman scorned. Her eyes start to flash.

JEKYLL
(knowing it is useless
to make her understand)
I'm sorry. It's my fault. I should
have --

GIRL
Whatcha sorry about? I'm not!

JEKYLL
(one last try)
Come, now. Let's say we wore both
foolish and it was all in fun - and
wish each other luck the next time
we take a drink, hm?

As he says this, he puts out his hand. She ignores it.

GIRL
(starts to laugh)
I suppose it was all in fun when you
kissed me?

JEKYLL
(ruefully)
Yes. I have it coming to me, my dear.
(going out door)
But anyhow - good night and good
luck. Always.

GIRL
(slamming door on him)
You wasn't all in fun then - I know
that!

She starts laughing, tears of rage in her eyes.

129-133 OUT.

134 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - EXT. DOOR - HALL 134

He hears her laughing.

GIRL'S VOICE (O.S.)
Next time you look at a girl, make
up your mind, mister!

(CONTINUED)
51.

134 CONTINUED: 134

He shakes his head again, wondering how he got in the whole
mess, and starts down the stairs.

135 CLOSE SHOT - GIRL - INT. ROOM 135

She hears his footsteps go away down the stairs. She turns
and WE PAN her back into the room. She is puzzled and furious
at the same time. She slumps down on the bed. Her expression
falls. Then she wipes all thought of him from her mind and
starts to whistle, taking off her other stocking as we

DISSOLVE TO:

136 TWO SHOT - JEKYLL AND LANYON - INT. CAB PROCESS 136

Lanyon is sitting quietly looking ahead. Jekyll is studying
him, grinning.

JEKYLL
(finally)
Oh come now, John - don't get that
stuffy look. The lady wasn't injured,
and neither was I - nor anyone else.

DR. LANYON
I admit she might be a tempting little
trick - in an off moment.

JEKYLL
What do you mean.. "off moment"?

DR. LANYON
(sardonically)
Yours. According to your theory, I
imagine that graphic tableau I just
witnessed was the momentary triumph
of the evil in your soul over the
good. Correct?

JEKYLL
(after a second's
thought)
Why...yes. Not quite a triumph...
(with a serious little
smile)
But it was an attack.
(then quickly)
- yet one that would have been
repulsed without your presence, John,
I assure you.

DR. LANYON
Wouldn't you run less personal risk
if you confined your experiments to
your laboratory?

(CONTINUED)
52.

136 CONTINUED: 136

JEKYLL
Well, the laboratory's where you'll
find me from tonight on -
(looking ahead, almost
to himself)
... until I get what I'm looking
for...

Lanyon notices his determined look, shrugs with a little
shake of his head, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

137 OUT. 137

137A FULL SHOT - INT. LABORATORY - LATER 137A

Jekyll is standing by the two cages, his cape and hat still
on. He peers at the occupants. His brow is furrowed.

137B CLOSE SHOT - HIS ANGLE, THE CAGES - 137B

The rabbit and the rat are more or less exactly as when he
put them in the cages earlier in the evening. Jekyll's hand
comes into the rabbit's cage. The rabbit sniffs at it. As
his hand approaches the rat, it tears around the cage wildly,
then bites at his hand.

137C CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 137C

His face sets with determination. He throws off his cape and
hat and WE PAN him to his work table. He starts mixing various
potions, lighting burners, etc., getting out vials, and
powders, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

NOTE: The following series of dissolves denote passage of
time and the fury of incessant work on Jekyll's part.

137D (FORMERLY #88) CLOSE SHOT - POTION - INT. LAB 137D
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll saves a young girl from a violent encounter, but is met with hostility when he tries to make amends. He then returns to his laboratory to continue his experiments.
Strengths "The tension between Dr. Jekyll's personal desires and his scientific pursuits is palpable."
Weaknesses "The dialogue feels stilted in places, and the plot drags a bit in the middle."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and moves the plot forward. However, there are a few critiques that can be made:

1. The dialogue can be a bit too on-the-nose. For example, when Jekyll offers to wish the girl luck, it's a bit obvious that he's trying to make amends. More subtlety could be used in conveying his intentions.

2. The scene could benefit from more visual description. There is a lot of dialogue back-and-forth, but it would be helpful to also have more description of the characters' expressions, body language, and surroundings.

3. The use of "O.S." to denote when a character is speaking off-screen is a bit outdated. It's more common now to use "V.O." for voiceover and "OFFSCREEN" for when a character is speaking but not seen on camera.

Overall, the scene effectively portrays Jekyll's internal struggle and determination as he works on his experiments in the laboratory. With some tweaks, it could be strengthened even further.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more action and movement to the scene to make it more visually interesting. Instead of just having the characters standing and talking, have them move around the room, fidget, or engage in other small actions that will keep the audience engaged and invested in the scene. Another suggestion would be to work on the dialogue and make it more natural and less stilted. The scene could benefit from more realistic conversation and character interactions that will help deepen the audience's understanding of the characters and their motivations. Finally, consider adding in more sensory details to help bring the scene to life. For example, describe the lighting, the sounds of footsteps, or the aromas of the laboratory to help create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 18 -  Jekyll's Experiments
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 2
Jekyll's face is behind it, intense. Its bubbles die out.
Jekyll's expression falls. Jekyll starts figuring ingredient
combinations on a pad.

DISSOLVE TO:

137E (FORMERLY SCENE #89) CLOSE SHOT - PAD - INT. LAB 137E

Jekyll's hand writes a formula, furiously. He scratches it
out. Tears off sheet. Starts writing again.

DISSOLVE TO:
53.



137F FULL SHOT - LAB 137F

Two men are carrying a cot down the stairs under Poole's
direction. Poole looks apprehensively at Jekyll, who is
working at the table. Poole carries blankets and sheets.

DISSOLVE TO:

137G (FORMER SCENE 90) CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - INT. LAB 137G

He is in work clothes now, a smock on. He wears a growth of
a couple of days' beard. He is trying another mixture.

DISSOLVE TO:

137H (FORMER SCENE 96) CLOSE SHOT - POOLE - INT. LAB 137H

He is pulling curtains aside to let in the morning light. WE
PAN HIM as he picks up a tray of food, and carries it to
Jekyll, who takes no notice. Poole puts it down with a sigh
and withdraws.

DISSOLVE TO:

137J (FORMER SCENE 97) CLOSE SHOT - TRAY OF FOOD - INT. 137J

LAB WE PAN up and Poole is looking at it. It is untouched.
He crosses to where Jekyll is asleep in the cot, exhausted,
some notes in his hand. Poole gently covers him up with a
throw.

DISSOLVE TO:

137K (FORMER SCENE 98) CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL'S HANDS - MIXING - 137K
Genres: ["drama","horror"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll works tirelessly in his lab, experimenting with different formulas, ignoring his basic needs such as food and sleep.
Strengths "The scene effectively portrays Dr. Jekyll's obsession with his experiments and his lack of regard for basic needs such as food and sleep."
Weaknesses "The lack of dialogue makes the scene less engaging and may lose the audience's attention."
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be focused on showing Jekyll's intense dedication to finding a solution to his problem. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved:

- There's not a clear sense of what the problem is that Jekyll is trying to solve. This makes it hard for the audience to fully understand the stakes of the scene. It could help to add some dialogue or context that outlines what Jekyll is trying to achieve.

- The back-and-forth between different shots and locations can be a bit confusing. While it's important to show different aspects of what's going on in the lab, it might help to establish a clear throughline or focal point for the scene that ties everything together.

- There's not a lot of action or dialogue, which can make the scene feel slow or stagnant. It might help to find ways to create more tension or conflict, or to give Jekyll some dialogue or inner thoughts that help to reveal more about his character.

Overall, this scene could benefit from more clarity and focus, as well as more engaging storytelling techniques.
Suggestions My suggestions for improving this scene would be:

1. Add more emotional depth to Jekyll's character - we see him intensely working on his formulas, but we don't get a sense of what he's feeling. Consider adding a brief moment where Jekyll expresses frustration or a sense of desperation at not being able to find the right combination of ingredients.

2. Show more interaction between Jekyll and Poole - Poole seems to be a supportive presence, but there's no real sense of their relationship or how they interact with each other. Consider adding a moment where the two characters have a brief conversation or exchange that gives the audience a glimpse into their dynamic.

3. Make the visual transitions smoother - the dissolve transitions used in the scene can be jarring and interrupt the flow of the action. Consider using more seamless cuts or other techniques to make the transitions less noticeable.

4. Use more detailed descriptions to help visualize the scenes - some of the shots, such as "Jekyll's hand writes a formula, furiously," could benefit from more specific details that help the reader visualize what's happening. Consider adding descriptions of the paper, the pen, the way Jekyll's hand moves, etc. to make the scene more vivid.



Scene 19 -  Jeckyll's Descent
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 5
INT. LAB.

DISSOLVE TO:

137L (FORMER SCENE 99) CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL'S FACE - INT. LAB 137L

He is watching, his face tired and haggard.

DISSOLVE TO:

137M (FORMER SCENE 101) CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - INT. LAB 137M

His expression is now more strained than ever. He is in his
shirt-sleeves, with open neck - another growth of beard. He
is mixing some stuff in crucible. He pulls it out quickly.
Measures some out in a syringe, dumps it into a cooling vat.
Then he goes quickly to cages with it AS WE PAN.
54.



137N CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - AT CAGES 137N

He reaches o.s. into the rabbit's cage and administers
syringe. Then repeats the action in the rat's cage. He
watches, and suddenly his expression grows elated. He looks
from one cage to another. He starts to put his bare hand
into the rabbit's cage.

137P CLOSE SHOT - RABBIT - INT. CAGE 137P

As Jekyll's hand enters slowly the rabbit is tearing about
wildly. It suddenly backs up into a corner, and then lunges
at Jekyll's hand.

137Q CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 137Q

He withdraws his hand with a gleeful explanation. Tries it
again a couple of times. Then he looks in rat's cage.

137R CLOSE SHOT - INT. RAT'S CAGE 137R

The rat seems almost dead. Then it gets up, shakes itself,
and as Jekyll's hand comes slowly into the cage, the rat
sniffs it. Jekyll's hand lifts it up. It does not struggle.

137S CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 137S

as he holds the rat, a look of triumph comes over his face.
He strokes the rat, fondling it to be sure of the result.
Then he quickly puts the rat back, and WE PAN HIM as he darts
to the cabinet, takes out his leather vial case, brings it
to the table, and starts pouring contents of the container
below the retort into a new vial, his expression jubilantly
excited, as we WIPE TO: [Section details]

137T FULL SHOT - INT. ALBERT HALL - BOX 137T

O.s. we hear the symphony being played. Beatrix, Sir Charles
and Lanyon are seated in a tier box as WE DOLLY IN CLOSE.
Jekyll's empty chair is in evidence. Beatrix seems very
unhappy. Sir Charles looks about at the empty chair, then
looks at his watch. Beatrix notices this, as does Lanyon.
They turn to each other.

137U CLOSE SHOT - LANYON AND BEATRIX 137U

BEATRIX
(sotto voce)
I'm worried, John. It's not like him
not to send any word.




(CONTINUED)
55.

137U CONTINUED: 137U

DR. LANYON
(reassuringly)
He'll be along.

DISSOLVE TO:

137V PAN SHOT - JEKYLL - INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR 137V

It is dimly lit, quiet. WE PAN JEKYLL as he hurries past the
entrance from the b.g. and rounds a corner. WE HOLD as he
stops. A nurse is leading Mrs. Higgins past him. She is
sobbing pathetically. Fenwick, the interne, is standing in
the b.g., closing the door. Mrs. Higgins does not notice
Jekyll. She goes by with the nurse. Jekyll's expression falls.
He turns quickly to Fenwick who comes up to him.

JEKYLL
Look here. Higgins isn't -?

FENWICK
(as Jekyll stops)
Yes, sir. Just now. Cerebral
hemorrhage.

Jekyll looks as though he'd been struck. He glances down at
his case, as his anticipation leaves him. Without a word, he
turns and WE PAN HIM back around the corner as we

DISSOLVE TO:

137W GROUP SHOT - EXT. HOSPITAL ENTRANCE 137W

The nurse is condoling Mrs. Higgins as Jekyll comes out.
Jekyll's carriage is waiting there. Jekyll is pre-occupied
in gloom.

NURSE
(to the sobbing Mrs.
Higgins)
There - there now -

MRS. HIGGINS
(seeing Jekyll)
Oh, Dr. Jekyll -!

JEKYLL
Oh... I'm sorry, Mrs. Higgins...

MRS. HIGGINS
(between sobs)
Maybe it's for best, sir. That -
that wasn't my Sam back there. It -
it was as if the Evil One had crept
into his heart - poor Sam...


(CONTINUED)
56.

137W CONTINUED: 137W

JEKYLL
(escorting her to
carriage)
Hobson - take Mrs. Higgins wherever
she wishes to go. I'll walk.

HOBSON
Yes, sir.

MRS. HIGGINS
(now in carriage)
Ht-Thank you, Dr. Jekyll...

JEKYLL
(patting her hand,
absently)
Goodnight, Mrs. Higgins.....

He walks o.s. and the carriage starts up as we,

DISSOLVE TO:

137X (FORMER SC. #42) MED. SHOT - ENTRANCE TO WEST GATE - PARK 137X

We are inside the park, SHOOTING OUT. Mr. Weller, a fat jovial
park-keeper in visored hat, is just about to lock the gate
as Jekyll appears.

MR. WELLER
Ah! Good evening, Dr. Jekyll. Just
about to lock up!
Genres: ["horror","drama"]

Summary Jeckyll works in his lab, experimenting with a new potion that shows promising results on animals. He receives news of a patient who has passed away, causing him to become distracted and withdrawn. He then takes a walk in the park and has an encounter with a park-keeper.
Strengths "Good pacing and attention to detail"
Weaknesses "Lack of dialogue and significant plot development"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotions and actions of the characters. The use of camera directions and close-ups help create a visual image of the scene in the reader's mind.

However, there are some areas that could be improved. For example, the sudden shift from Jekyll's elation to his gloom after learning about Mrs. Higgins' death feels a bit jarring. Perhaps a smoother transition or more development of Jekyll's emotional state could help make the moment feel more impactful.

Additionally, there is some room for added detail and description to further immerse the reader in the setting and characters. For example, describing the sounds and smells in the lab or the physical appearance of the characters could help bring the scene to life.

Overall, the scene effectively advances the plot and character development, but with some added detail and attention to transitions, it could become even more impactful.
Suggestions First, I would recommend breaking up the scene into smaller, more digestible fragments, with clear actions and dialogue. The current scene feels too long and drags on without any significant plot development.

Next, I would suggest adding more sensory details to create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind. For example, what does the lab smell like? What sounds can be heard in the hospital?

Also, there is an opportunity to add more conflict and tension to the scene. Perhaps Jekyll is struggling to keep his experiment a secret while attending to his duties as a doctor, or maybe he is facing setbacks and obstacles in his research.

Finally, consider adding more character development and depth to the scene. What motivates Jekyll to continue with his experiment despite the risks? How does the death of Mrs. Higgins' husband affect him emotionally? By exploring these questions, the scene can become more engaging and meaningful to the audience.



Scene 20 -  Jekyll's Experimentation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
Jekyll comes in and stands in thought a moment, as Mr. Weller
locks the gate. Then Weller joins him and WE TRUCK WITH THEM
as they walk.

MR. WELLER
(chattily)
I'll step along with you if you're
going to the East Gate. Wonderful
nights we're having - eh, sir?

JEKYLL
(suddenly)
Mr. Weller - supposing you had a
balloon that would carry a man to
Mars - and the pilot you'd picked
out disappeared - would you get in
the balloon yourself and cast off?




(CONTINUED)
57.

137X CONTINUED: 137X

MR. WELLER
(enjoying this as a
joke)
Well now - that's a difficult one.
But I think if I had a balloon as
would carry me there - and back,
mark you - I think I'd do it. Might
get me away from the mother-in-law
for a while!
(laughs uproariously)
How's that for an answer, Dr. Jekyll?

JEKYLL
(almost to himself -
with resolve)
Fair enough, Mr. Weller -- fair
enough....

DISSOLVE TO:

138 OUT. 138

139 FULL SHOT - INT. LAB - LATER 139

Jekyll is seated at his table, writing a letter. A full retort
of liquid is bubbling near him. His face is strained,
purposeful, his evening coat off, his hair a little
dishevelled. Jekyll looks up from his writing, examines the
content of the retort, turns the burner a little lower. Then
goes back to his writing.

140 CLOSE SHOT - PAGE OF NOTE. 140

JEKYLL'S HAND IS WRITING:

"because there is no other way to prove the true value of my
experiments....

(HIS PEN STARTS WRITING HERE)

"But remember, my darling, in case of my death...."

On this last word, with a crash of musical chord, we

QUICK DISSOLVE TO:

140A CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX - INT. HER BEDROOM 140A

She is asleep, the moonlight coming across her face through
the window o.s. Suddenly her eyes go wide, and she sits bolt
upright as WE PULL back. She looks around the room.

BEATRIX
(as though someone were in the room)
Yes -? What --?

(CONTINUED)
58.

140A CONTINUED: 140A

She thinks for a second, then quickly gets out of bed, hurries
to the closet as WE PAN and starts pulling out some attire,
as we

DISSOLVE TO:

140B FULL SHOT - FRONT HALL - SIR CHARLES' HOUSE 140B

Beatrix, now dressed, tip-toes down the stairs and silently
opens the door to the street.

DISSOLVE TO:

141 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - INT. LAB 141

The burner is now off. Jekyll is pouring the contents, which
have dripped from the retort into a container, from the
container into a vial. It smokes and swirls strangely. He
holds the vial a second. He looks at the letter to Beatrix,
leaning in a prominent position on the table.

142 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL AT MIRROR 142

Holding the vial, he examines his face, feels his skin,
turning his head. He starts to raise the vial to his lips.
Then he gets another thought. WE PULL BACK AND PAN LEFT AND
RIGHT IN LONG SHOTS as he puts vial back on table, runs to
the drapes at the back of the lab, pulls them to, over the
windows, then dashes up the stairs and locks the door. He
comes down again, approaches the vial, slowly, picks it up.
For a moment, he looks straight ahead into the CAMERA, as
though into the future. Then down the vial with one long
gulp. For a second, nothing happens. Then he grips his throat
in a violent convulsion, he chokes, groans, and gags. He can
hardly breathe. Slowly, his face starts to change into a
haggard and horrible caricature of himself. He spins around
a couple of times, then falls to the floor, writhing. THE
CAMERA ZOOMS down into his body, and is blacked out, as we,

DISSOLVE TO:

A142 SERIES OF STATIC DISSOLVES A142

These to show the tortured metamorphosis in the splitting of
Jekyll's soul: In a spinning maelstrom of odd mechanical
whirring sounds, rasping and cacophonous noises and odd shapes
come the faces and voices of the following:

1. Heath's Voice: "I can't allow it, Jekyll."

2. Mrs. Weymouth's Voice: "Vicious - filthy - indecent."

3. Jekyll's Voice: "... and let it destroy itself in its own
degradation."


(CONTINUED)
59.

A142 CONTINUED: A142

4. Courtney's Voice: "... I hesitate to say what the Medical
Council would..."

5. Beatrix's Voice: "There's nothing evil in that, is there?"

6. Sir Charles' Voice: "things no gentlewoman should
understand!

7. Bishop's Voice: "Come, come - my dear doctor - now you're
invading my territory."

8. Girl's Voice: ".. I'll add this for good measure."

It ends in a weird sighing moan and far away laughter, as we -
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll experiments with a new potion, receives news of a patient's death, takes a walk, and has a conversation with Mr. Weller. He then works in his lab until he takes the potion himself and undergoes a violent transformation.
Strengths "The scene has a strong focus on the inner turmoil of Dr. Jekyll, with well-crafted dialogue and an overall dark, brooding tone that enhances the horror genre. The concept and plot are both intriguing and well-executed."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be improved in places to better showcase the inner conflict of the characters. Some of the character motivations could be more clearly established."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as being somewhat disjointed and confusing. The conversation between Jekyll and Mr. Weller seems random and does not serve the overall plot. Additionally, the transformation scene is described in a way that may be hard to visually execute on screen. Overall, there could be more clarity and focus in this scene to better serve the story.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are my suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more visual description: The scene feels quite sparse in terms of visual details, so adding more specific descriptions of the setting and character actions could help bring the scene to life. For example, when Jekyll enters, what is his body language like? Is he tense or relaxed? Similarly, what does Mr. Weller look like as he locks the gate? These small details can help to build tension and create a clearer picture in the reader's mind.

2. Further develop the dialogue: The conversation between Jekyll and Mr. Weller feels quite generic and doesn't offer much insight into either character. Consider adding more nuance to their conversation, giving each character a distinct voice and opinion on the matter at hand. Additionally, this could be a great opportunity to foreshadow later events in the film or explore deeper themes.

3. Add more specific action beats: The scene currently plays out in broad strokes, but adding more specific actions for the characters could make it feel more dynamic. For example, instead of just "WE TRUCK WITH THEM as they walk," consider including specific details of their movements, such as where they are walking to and how they are interacting with each other physically.

Overall, fleshing out the details of the scene could help make it more engaging for the reader and further the story in interesting ways.



Scene 21 -  Jekyll's Transformation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
DISSOLVE TO:

150 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - FACE DOWN ON FLOOR 150

His back is to the CAMERA (or is it Jekyll?). We ask as WE
PAN UP WITH HIM, his back like an animal's in a crouch. The
top of his head is strangely elongated, his ears are pointed.
As yet we do not see his face but FOLLOW HIM as he slowly
shuffles, gasping and grunting to the mirror. There over his
shoulder, we get a look at his face for the first time. It
is hideous in its transformation into Evil, yet withal
containing a strange fascinating Pan-like quality. At first
he starts, as though an animal looking in the mirror for the
first time. Then he peers closer. And he starts to laugh,
slowly, softly at first, then mounting to loud yelps.

JEKYLL
(into mirror - like
eyeing a work of
great art)
Look at you... look at you... what
beautiful consumate evil!
(shouting exultantly)
There you are! And I made you! What
a rainbow of unspeakable colors could
you paint the world's horizon if I
turned you loose!
(laughs louder,
triumphantly now)
There it is, Sir Charles! Look at
it, John Lanyon! Show this to the
Medical Council, Dr. Courtney!

JEKYLL
(continued)
Hypocrites! Fools! Blind men! Deny
what's in your souls, will you? You
can't deny that!



(CONTINUED)
60.

150 CONTINUED: 150

Then WE PAN HIM as he capers about the room, leaping and
stretching and jumping up and down like a faun, laughing all
the time. O.s. there is a knock on the door which he doesn't
hear.

151 CLOSE SHOT - EXT. LAB - DOOR TOWARD HOUSE 151

Inside the laughter comes over the SCENE. Poole, in his
dressing gown, is listening. He reacts to laughter, then
starts banging on the door, trying to open it.

POOLE
(in great alarm)
Dr. Jekyll - Dr. Jekyll! What's
happening, sir? Are you all right?

152 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - INT. LAB 152

He stops capering as he hears the banging on the door, alert
as a wild animal.

JEKYLL
Eh? Who's there? Who is it?

POOLE'S VOICE
It's Poole, sir! Dr. Jekyll - is
that you, sir?

The banging continues. Jekyll looks wildly about, then sees
vials on the table. He hurriedly starts mixing them in another
potion.

JEKYLL
Just a moment, now!

153 CLOSE SHOT - POOLE - EXT. LAB DOOR 153

When he hears the silence, he gets even more worried.

POOLE
Who is that in there? Dr. Jekyll -
answer me, sir! Dr. Jekyll --!

He shoves his weight against the door, cannot budge it, then
starts o.s. toward the house when he is called back by
footsteps on the stairs. He waits a little warily, as they
come toward the door. The door opens quickly. Dr. Jekyll
stands there, his natural self. He is pale, perspiring,
breathing heavily.

JEKYLL
(trying to be calm)
Yes, Poole.



(CONTINUED)
61.

153 CONTINUED: 153

POOLE
(stammering)
Why, sir - I - I'm sorry, sir - I
heard a frightful noise -and a strange
voice - and - and I thought something
had happened, sir.

JEKYLL
No... it was quite - all right, Poole.
There was someone here. He - he was
a friend of mine. A - er - a... Mr.
Hyde. He was a bit - well, under the
weather - rather obstreperous. I got
him out by the back door.

POOLE
Oh, I see, sir.
(then, back to the
servant again)
Miss Beatrix is here, sir.

JEKYLL
(hit between the eyes)
Miss Beatrix.... alone?

POOLE
(re-assuringly)
I've shown her to the consulting
room, sir.

JEKYLL
Tell - tell Miss Beatrix I shall be
there at once.

POOLE
Very good, sir.

Jekyll closes the door, as Poole exits o.s.

154 FULL SHOT - LAB 154

Jekyll comes down the stairs in the b.g. He is stunned by
this announcement from Poole. Mechanically, dazed, he starts
putting on his tail coat. Then with a sudden rush of thought,
as WE PAN, he rushes to the mirror again, examines his face
to see if any of the awful evil is left. He feels his cheek,
his brow, his ear. He covers his face with his hand, in
revulsion at what he had seen earlier. Then he looks at
himself again.




(CONTINUED)
62.

154 CONTINUED: 154
Genres: [""]

Summary Dr. Jekyll transforms into Mr. Hyde and revels in his newfound evilness before being interrupted by his servant, Poole. Jekyll then hurriedly mixes a potion to reverse his transformation. Poole informs him of a guest's arrival, causing Jekyll to panic about his appearance.
Strengths "The scene showcases Jekyll's transformation into Hyde, which is a critical plot point. The tension and conflict are high, keeping the audience engaged."
Weaknesses "The dialogue feels a bit flat and could be more compelling to increase emotional impact. The genre of the scene is not clearly defined."
Critique Overall, this scene is well written and effectively conveys the transformation of Jekyll into Hyde and his subsequent reaction to his new persona. The action and dialogue are clear, and the use of camera directions helps to visualize the scene.

However, there are a few areas that could use improvement. Firstly, the description of Jekyll's physical transformation into Hyde could be more detailed and vivid to evoke a stronger visual image for the audience. Secondly, the dialogue spoken by Jekyll/Hyde could be more nuanced and complex to reflect the internal struggle between his two personalities. Finally, the introduction of Miss Beatrix feels abrupt and could benefit from more context or setup earlier in the script.

Overall, this scene has potential but could benefit from further refinement and development.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions:

- Clarify who is actually on the floor - Jekyll or the camera?
- Use more descriptive language to convey Jekyll's transformation into Evil. What does he look like? What emotions is he feeling?
- Consider using more varied sentence structures and varied word choice to avoid repetition and make the dialogue more engaging.
- Add more stage directions to give insight into Jekyll's movements and reactions during the scene.
- Some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could be more subtly conveyed through actions and facial expressions.



Scene 22 -  Jeckyll and Beatrix's Encounter
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
JEKYLL
(muttering through
his teeth some dim
remembered quotation)
"... if once this thing is born again,
Decapitate it - e're it fouls the
air..."

Then he quickly turns from the mirror, crosses and picks up
the letter he has written Beatrix, tears it into small pieces,
throws it in the waste-basket, and adjusting his coat, starts
up the stairs. Half way up he hesitates, then proceeds more
slowly, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

155 FULL SHOT - INT. JEKYLL'S CONSULTING ROOM - BEATRIX 155

The room is much as we would expect... a desk, consultation
chair, many shelves of medical books, a few standard
instruments in a case. Beatrix is seated, nervous and anxious.
She turns quickly, as Jekyll opens the door from the hall,
in the b.g. Jekyll's attitude is one of hesitancy at first,
as though awaiting some feared reaction from her.

BEATRIX
(quickly)
Then you're not -? Harry, what's the -
?
(on this she is
starting over towards
him, then stops,
looking at him - his
attitude is tense,
strained as though
she knew something.
Then she gives him a
puzzled little smile,
feels her temple)
I can't explain why... but I had a
strange feeling you were going away -
without ever seeing me again ...
isn't that silly?
(she slowly sinks
down in a chair,
looks about the room,
then up at him with
an embarrassed,
nervous little laugh)
It - it was silly, wasn't it? Because
here you are - and here I am...




(CONTINUED)
63.

155 CONTINUED: 155

JEKYLL
(feeling he must say
something)
I had to go to the hospital, Bee....
the man died.

BEATRIX
Oh, I'm sorry... maybe that's what I
felt. But it was just something that --
(then, with another
little laugh)
Why - I had no reason to come at
all!

She rises again, automatically. Jekyll takes her hand with a
sudden gesture.

JEKYLL
Oh, yes, Bee - yes!

BEATRIX
(with a soft smile)
You're glad I'm here then?

Jekyll sweeps her into his arms. Holds her almost desperately
close. In this gesture, her cape falls to the floor.

JEKYLL
Glad? I'd have come to you, I think -
if you hadn't -- I mean - tonight,
somehow, I missed you more than
ever...

BEATRIX
(her lips against his
cheek)
When I'm in this house, I won't let
you waste your nights in that stuffy
old laboratory... You know that,
don't you - hmmm...?

JEKYLL
(almost to himself)
You'll never be out of sight -!

He holds her for a second, then:

BEATRIX
(turning her face to
his)
I don't want to go home....

JEKYLL
Bee....


(CONTINUED)
64.

155 CONTINUED: (2) 155

BEATRIX
You said it wasn't evil for us to --
please, don't send me away now....

He looks full in her eyes for a second, then they kiss
passionately.

BEATRIX
(ecstatic)
Oh, my love -!
(then she stops, and
withdraws from him a
little, as her eyes
catch something o.s.
Jekyll turns too.
Beatrix's chin lifts
in defiance. Then,
quietly:)
Yes, Father....?

WE PAN OVER slowly to pick up Sir Charles standing in the
open door-way. Behind him in the hall is Poole, nervously
wringing his hands. Poole ducks o.s., as Sir Charles comes
slowly into the room, as WE PAN, and confronts Beatrix and
Jekyll. Without a word, he leans down, picks up Beatrix's
cape and hands it to her.

SIR CHARLES
(in a quiet, cold
voice to Jekyll)
I am very grateful for the anxiety
you caused us this evening -
(to Beatrix)
I was unable to sleep myself.

JEKYLL
Sir Charles, I asked Beatrix to come
here tonight --

BEATRIX
(reproving him)
Harry - you --

JEKYLL
(gently)
Bee --
(to Sir Charles)
Because I --

SIR CHARLES
(to Jekyll)
Apparently you didn't consider our
talk the other evening very seriously?
Genres: ["drama","romance","horror"]

Summary Jeckyll meets with Beatrix, his lover, in his consulting room. They discuss their feelings for each other but are interrupted by Sir Charles, who disapproves of their relationship.
Strengths "Intense dialogue between characters showcases the rising tension of their relationship and sets up conflicts to come. The scene is well-paced and shows clear character development."
Weaknesses "There are some cliched romantic tropes present, such as a lover sweeping another off their feet into a passionate kiss. The theme of forbidden love is also overused."
Critique This scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and emotions between Jekyll and Beatrix, as well as the intrusion of Sir Charles into their private moment. However, there are some areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue could be made more concise. Some lines feel unnecessary and contribute to a slower pace. For example, Beatrix saying "it was silly, wasn't it?" after her earlier statement about feeling like she was never going to see Jekyll again could be removed without affecting the scene's impact.

Additionally, there is some repetition in the dialogue that could be streamlined. For instance, Jekyll saying "if you hadn't -- I mean - tonight, somehow, I missed you more than ever..." could be simplified to "Somehow, I missed you more than ever tonight."

Finally, some of the stage directions could be made more specific to provide further context for the actors and director. For example, when Jekyll sweeps Beatrix into his arms, it could be clarified how she responds to this gesture (e.g. does she put her arms around him or resist at first?) to enhance the tension and chemistry between the characters.

Overall, the scene is well-constructed but could benefit from some minor revisions to improve its pacing and clarity.
Suggestions Overall, the scene feels disjointed and lacks focus. The dialogue is also a bit on the nose, with characters stating their feelings and intentions too directly. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

1. Establish a clear goal for Jekyll in this scene. Does he want to confess his secret to Beatrix, or does he want to distract himself from his inner turmoil by spending time with her? Give him a clear motivation that will drive his actions.

2. Shorten the opening exchange with Jekyll muttering to himself and tearing up the letter. This doesn't add much to the scene and takes up valuable time.

3. Slow down the pace of the scene overall. Right now, it feels rushed and choppy, with characters abruptly moving from one emotion to the next. Take time to let each moment breathe and develop organically.

4. Add more subtext to the dialogue. Instead of having characters state their feelings outright, give them more nuanced and subtle ways of expressing themselves. This will make the scene more engaging and interesting to watch.

5. Consider adding more visual elements to the scene. Right now, it consists mostly of characters standing and talking. Think about ways to incorporate movement, blocking, and other visual elements that will make the scene more dynamic.



Scene 23 -  The Engagement
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
(CONTINUED)
65.

155 CONTINUED: (3) 155

JEKYLL
Sir Charles, I beg to believe that
there was no --

SIR CHARLES
All I can believe is that your
theories of behavior are not normal,
Jekyll -- not fit. I might say not
even --

BEATRIX
(interrupting quickly)
Father, I don't expect you to
understand. I'm not ashamed.

SIR CHARLES
Then I shall be for you... because I
do understand. You and I are leaving
for the Continent tomorrow. We shall
be catching the afternoon boat-train.

JEKYLL
(stunned)
The Continent? Oh, come, sir --
there's --

BEATRIX
(pleading now)
Oh, Father, please -!

JEKYLL
(trying to reason)
Sir Charles - you could avoid all of
this misunderstanding if you'd set
an early date for our marriage.

BEATRIX
Please, Father....

SIR CHARLES
The date remains as planned.
(to Jekyll)
And if you haven't abolished those
unhealthy experiments of yours -
(as Jekyll starts to
speak)
Oh, I know you're still working at
them - why, we'll consider the
engagement broken.

JEKYLL
swear to you, sir, I've finished
entirely with everything that I -



(CONTINUED)
66.

155 CONTINUED: (4) 155

SIR CHARLES
That will await our return. Come,
Beatrix.

BEATRIX
(to Jekyll)
Harry - if you don't wish me to go
away - I shall refuse.

SIR CHARLES
(sternly)
Beatrix -!

BEATRIX
I mean it, Father.

She turns to Jekyll for an answer. He looks at her for a
long time.

JEKYLL
(finally)
I don't want you to go away, Bee.
But - even though you and I can't
agree with him - your Father is only
thinking of your happiness. I can't
disrespect him in that. I can't ask
you to.

There is a moment of silence. Beatrix sees that Jekyll means
it.

SIR CHARLES
(with a relieved sigh,
more gently now)
That's highly commendable, Harry.

Beatrix now tries to smile. She offers her hand to Jekyll.

BEATRIX
(fighting tears)
You - you'll see us off at the train?

JEKYLL
(taking her hand -
nodding)
It better have two engines - or I'll
try to hold it back.

BEATRIX
Try anyway.

She goes close to him, kisses his cheek swiftly, and with a
little sob, turns and hurries out.



(CONTINUED)
67.

155 CONTINUED: (5) 155

SIR CHARLES
(more kindly)
Restraint, my boy - restraint. It's
the only strength of human existance.

JEKYLL
Goodnight, Sir Charles.

SIR CHARLES
Goodnight.

He turns and follows Beatrix. Jekyll looks after them,
miserable, as we

FADE OUT:

159-161 OUT.

FADE IN:

162 FULL SHOT - EXT. JEKYLL'S HOUSE - DUSK 162

It is raining, a heavy driving rain.

DISSOLVE TO:

163 FULL SHOT - INT. JEKYLL'S LAB 163

Jekyll stands looking out of the back windows, leaning up
against the wall. Poole enters from the stair landing and
comes down carrying a tray on which is a letter and a glass
of sherry wine. Jekyll does not even look around.

164 CLOSE SHOT - POOLE 164

At bottom of stair, he stops and looks at Jekyll o.s.

165 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - POOLE'S ANGLE 165

He is moody and disconsolate, as he looks at the rain outside.

166 PAN SHOT - POOLE 166

He shakes his head, frowning, then smiles to himself as WE
PAN HIM OVER to Jekyll.

POOLE
(gently)
How about a glass of sherry wine,
sir?

JEKYLL
(without looking)
No, thank you, Poole - no sherry
wine.

(CONTINUED)
68.

166 CONTINUED: 166

POOLE
Well, would you consider a letter -
ah - from Aix Les Bains?

Jekyll turns quickly, his face lighting up.
Genres: ["horror","drama","romance"]

Summary Sir Charles disapproves of Jekyll and Beatrix's relationship and threatens to break their engagement unless Jekyll stops his experiments. Jekyll reluctantly agrees, causing Beatrix to leave for the Continent with her father. Jekyll is left miserable and disconsolate before receiving a letter from Beatrix.
Strengths
  • Strong conflict between multiple characters
  • Effective use of dialogue to convey tension and emotion
  • Clear character motivations
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable plot developments
Critique Overall, the scene has good pacing and dialogue that moves the story forward, however, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the characters' emotions could be more subtly conveyed. For example, instead of having characters outright state their emotions ("I'm not ashamed." "Please, Father..."), their feelings could be shown through their body language and actions.

Additionally, the dialogue could be more concise, with some lines feeling repetitive or unnecessary. For example, Sir Charles could simply say "If you haven't abolished those experiments of yours, we'll consider the engagement broken" without the added clarification of knowing that Jekyll is still working on them.

Finally, there could be more visual description of the setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience. For instance, how does the mood change as the rain comes down outside of Jekyll's house?

Overall, the scene could benefit from more attention to detail and restraint in the characters' emotions and dialogues.
Suggestions Overall, this scene could benefit from some tightening up in its dialogue. The characters' speeches often feel long-winded and repetitive. Here are some specific suggestions:

- Consider cutting some lines that don't add much new information or emotion, such as Sir Charles' repetition of "I might say not even" and Jekyll's "Oh, come, sir -- there's --"
- Beatrix's lines about not being ashamed and wanting to stay feel like they're meant to be emotional high points, but they don't quite land. Consider adding some more specific details about her feelings or backstory leading up to this moment to really make the audience care about her decision.
- Sir Charles' "Restraint, my boy - restraint. It's the only strength of human existence" feels like a bit of a non-sequitur and could be cut without losing too much from the scene.
- Lastly, Poole's entrance with the sherry and letter feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from some more lead-in or context. What is the significance of the letter from Aix Les Bains? Does it tie in to Beatrix's departure or Jekyll's experiments in any way? Consider linking it more explicitly to what has come before.



Scene 24 -  Devastating News From Beatrix
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
JEKYLL
(snatching up letter)
Poole, you blackguard! Would I?
(tears open letter,
Poole starting to
move away with the
tray)
And your sherry wine, too - what's
more!

Poole comes back and gives glass to Jekyll. Jekyll starts
reading letter avidly, holding wine in his hand. Poole moves
o.s.

167 CLOSE SHOT - POOLE 167

As he comes to a desk, and starts straightening things up.
He wants to talk, to cheer his master up.

POOLE
Miss Beatrix should be returning
home in another week, shouldn't she,
sir? Hobson told me they were
expected.

He gets no answer from Jekyll o.s. He turns to look.

168 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - POOLE'S ANGLE 168

Jekyll's expression is turning from interested delight to
puzzlement. Then his face clouds entirely. He puts glass
down on window-sill. It falls over with a tinkle and a splash.
Jekyll quickly turns the page, anguished.

169 INSERT - BEATRIX'S LETTER - IN JEKYLL'S HAND 169

(LINES ARE FROM TOP OF PAGE)

"... did not write yesterday because I'm so distressed.
Darling heart - Father - refuses to come home. We are leaving
tomorrow for Italy - to be gone I don't know how long. Oh,
my dearest, if you knew how I've tried to.."

170 FULL SHOT - ROOM 170

Poole sees Jekyll's concern and rage, as Jekyll looks away
from the letter. Poole advances to him, to pick up glass.



(CONTINUED)
69.

170 CONTINUED: 170

POOLE
Not bad news, I hope, sir.

JEKYLL
(bitterly)
Miss Beatrix will be gone indefinitely -
that's all.

POOLE
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Sir Charles'
health, no doubt.
(a pause, as Poole
watches Jekyll slump
down in a chair)
If you'll forgive me, sir - it
distresses me to see you down this
way. It's not right, sir. Might I
suggest that you pick up and go out
this evening for a bit of fun? They
say there's a very entertaining
musical comedy at the Gaiety -
(with a little cough)
- er - ah -, very daring, you know,
sir -

Jekyll considers this a moment, looking at Poole. Then:

JEKYLL
(dryly)
I'm afraid that's not particularly
becoming in my position, Poole -
(then with a sardonic
chuckle))
Nor even wise, I might add....

He rubs his face in his hands.

POOLE
Another glass of sherry wine, sir?

JEKYLL
(face in his hands,
wearily)
No thank you, Poole...

POOLE
Yes, sir.

Poole exits from scene, with tray and broken glass. We hear
him go upstairs o.s. and close the door. Then Jekyll gets up
with sudden impatience. WE PAN HIM as he walks about the
room. He fiddles with a tube or two, straightening it
absently. He finds a pipe on the table, knocks it out. He
feels in his pocket for tobacco pouch. Doesn't find it. He
walks over by the cabinet.
70.



171 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 171

He is looking for his pouch, when suddenly, his eyes catches
something o.s.

172 CLOSE SHOT - IVY'S GARTER 172

It is still where Jekyll must have tossed it weeks ago. Its
cheap little clasp, glistens in the lamplight.

173 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 173

Fascinated, he slowly bends over and picks it up. He feels
it in his hand. He thinks of the girl. Then he quickly throws
it on the table. WE PAN HIM as he paces the length of the
room again, nervously. This brings him opposite the mirror.
He looks at himself then thinks, looks back at the garter,
then over at a cabinet. Then he makes his decision, and
hurries to the cabinet, pulling out some vials of powders
and liquids from various pigeon-holes. As he hastily carries
them to the lab table and sits himself down to mix them, we

DISSOLVE TO:

174 CLOSE SHOT - FINISHED POTION 174

As Jekyll's hand picks it up WE PAN to his face. He hesitates
a second, looks at the garter nearby, then with a desperate
gesture he drains the potion. The same reaction sets in as
before. In violent convulsions, his face starts to turn. He
grips the sides of the chair in agony. WE PAN DOWN to his
hand. It turns into an animal-like appendage. His four fingers
seem to grow together a little bit at the base, and then
separate in the middle, almost like the beginning of a cloven
hoof. His neck becomes thick and shorter.

WE PAN UP to his face. It is worse than before. WE PAN DOWN
to the other hand. The same process is happening here. He is
gasping and writhing all the while. WE PAN UP again to his
face. The transformation now becomes complete. It is worse
in this second stage - more bestial than faun. His writhing
stops. He rises, shakes his head - feels the change in his
thoughts.
Genres: ["horror","drama"]

Summary Dr. Jekyll receives a letter from Beatrix telling him they are leaving for Italy, likely indefinitely. He is devastated and becomes increasingly disheartened, rejecting a suggestion from his servant to go out for some fun. He eventually takes the potion again and undergoes a violent transformation.
Strengths "The emotional turmoil felt by Dr. Jekyll is palpable and gives depth to the scene. The use of Poole to contrast Jekyll's despair with his own practicality gives a unique perspective."
Weaknesses "The scene drags a bit, and some of the dialogue feels forced. The sudden presence of Ivy's garter is a bit jarring and detracts from the scene's emotional impact."
Critique Overall, this scene sets up a lot of important information for the story, but it could benefit from some tightening up and more active pacing. The dialogue between Jekyll and Poole feels a bit stagnant at times, with Jekyll taking a long time to respond to Poole's suggestions. The action also suffers from unnecessary stage directions, which could be cut down to focus on the key moments of the scene. Additionally, Jekyll's decision to mix his potion and transform again feels a bit rushed, and could benefit from more build-up and tension. However, the use of visual imagery such as the garter and the physical transformation are effective in conveying Jekyll's inner struggle and descent into darkness.
Suggestions



Scene 25 -  Jekyll transforms into Mr. Hyde and seeks out Ivy Pearson
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
(NOTE: The question of each metamorphosis and its subsequent
gradations according to makeup is open to debate so that all
parties concerned in the production agree and are satisfied)

GIRL'S VOICE
(on track, whispering)
It's in your eyes - it's in your
eyes...

He hurries over to the mirror to look. He is truly this Mr.
Hyde now, whom he spoke about to Poole.

(CONTINUED)
71.

174 CONTINUED: 174

HYDE
(into mirror, gleefully)
Yes, Mr. Hyde! Wonderful, Mr. Hyde!
It is! You are the modern Narcissus!
Your face reflects man's Eternity as
it was meant to be!

He leaps away from the mirror, stretches himself like an
animal in the middle of the room, thinks again.

GIRL'S VOICE
(whispering)
(with a low laugh) Caught, aren't
you? You're caught...

HYDE
(suddenly, exultantly)
No! I'm free! Free!

He capers about a second, then quickly takes his cape, stick
and hat from a hanger, and darts out the back door.

175 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - EXT. BACK OF LAB 175

He takes a key out of his pocket, and locks the door. Then
he turns and looks about him. He takes off his hat and
stretches again in the rain, looking up into the elements.
Then he darts off into the darkness as we

DISSOLVE TO:

176 FULL SHOT - INT. ROOMING HOUSE HALL 176

We are SHOOTING TOWARD front door on which somebody is banging
furiously on the outside. The slatternly landlady hurriedly
comes down the steps, opens door. She jumps back with a
startled cry as Hyde barges in.

HYDE
(his eyes agleam)
Is she here? Is she in?

LANDLADY
(back up stairs a way)
Who? Who do you want?

HYDE
(pointing)
The dove - the little white dove
that nests in her warm loft up there?

LANDLADY
(as he starts up steps)
If it's Ivy Pearson you want - she -
she ain't in.

(CONTINUED)
72.

176 CONTINUED: 176

HYDE
(thinking over the
name)
(coming down)
Ivy, eh? Ivy...
(with a sly laugh
poking her with stick)
Clinging, no doubt, too....
(then, impatiently)
Come, come - you leaf of jaded
lettuce! Where is she? Where does
she work?

LANDLADY
At the Palace of Varieties!

HYDE
Ah! At the Palace of Varieties!
What a shallow hearth for the fire
of my lovely jewel!
(then, cocking his
head to one side)
But - variety, eh? Variety! I like
that!

With a caper, he pokes the landlady in her backside with his
stick, and dashes out of the door.

177 CLOSE SHOT - CURB - EXT. IVY'S PLACE 177

Hyde comes out, gleeful at the prospect of finding Ivy. He
comes abreast of an old blind man who is timidly tapping his
stick on the curb, preparatory to crossing the street. Hyde
takes his arm with exaggerated solicitation.

HYDE
Why, why! Let me give you a hand,
Uncle!

BLIND MAN
(with a happy smile)
Oh...thank you, sir!

WE TRUCK AHEAD OF THEM across the street. They weave their
way past a couple of drays. Then, in the middle of the street,
Hyde kicks the old man's stick out from under him.

HYDE
(laughing gleefully)
There you are, Uncle - safe and sound!




(CONTINUED)
73.

177 CONTINUED: 177

The old man exclaims inarticulately - "Here - no - no -" and
gropes about for his stick which Hyde flicks farther away
along the cobbles with his own. A cart nearly runs the old
man down, the driver pulling up with a jerk as the old man
reels backwards. Hyde utters another happy laugh, and WE PAN
HIM as he crosses the street and capers down the walk to
where a cab is standing near the intersection of a neuse.

178 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 178

As he climbs into hansom, he taps the nodding driver with
his stick.

HYDE
Come, come - my dozing fungus -!
(as Cabbie wakes up
quickly)
To the Palace of Varieties!

CABBIE
Right, sir!

HYDE
(wacking horse's right
rump with cane)
Right, sir!
(then whacking left)
Left, sir!
(then whacking center)
And a bit down the middle, sir!

Naturally, the horse leaps to action during this as WE PAN
CARRIAGE AWAY, AND
Genres: ["horror"]

Summary After transforming into Mr. Hyde, Jekyll revels in his newfound freedom and seeks out Ivy Pearson at the Palace of Varieties.
Strengths "The transformation scene is impactful and sets the tone for Mr. Hyde's actions. The interactions with the blind man and the landlady provide some comedic relief."
Weaknesses "The language used when Hyde interacts with other characters - such as calling the landlady a 'leaf of jaded lettuce' - feels forced and unnatural."
Critique There are a few general things that could be improved in this scene: the dialogue feels a bit on the nose and the action is very exaggerated, potentially bordering on cartoonish.

In terms of the dialogue, Hyde's initial monologue to himself feels too rehearsed and contrived - it doesn't feel like natural speech. Similarly, the girl's whispering dialogue feels overly poetic and doesn't add much to the scene. It might be better to have these characters speak more directly and naturally.

As for the action, the way Hyde capers around and leaps away from the mirror feels a bit too big and theatrical. Similarly, his interaction with the blind man is somewhat cruel and may be off-putting to audiences.

Overall, this scene could benefit from toning down the more exaggerated moments and focusing on more natural dialogue and character interaction.
Suggestions here are my suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Give the girl's voice a name - it would add more depth to the scene and make it easier for the audience to connect with the character.
2. Instead of having Hyde just repeat the same line about being Mr. Hyde, add some more dialogue that reveals his personality and motives.
3. Show more of Jekyll's physical transformation into Hyde - we only see him looking in the mirror and then leaping away from it. Adding some more makeup and prosthetics would help emphasize the change.
4. Build Ivy's character a bit more - we only know her name and that she works at the Palace of Varieties. Including some dialogue or actions to illustrate her personality would make her a more interesting character.
5. While the scene with the blind man is macabre and adds to Hyde's villainous nature, it may be jarring and unpleasant to some audiences. Consider finding another way to show his disregard for others.
6. Lastly, the dialogue between Hyde and the cabbie seems a bit too cartoonish and on-the-nose. Dialing it back a bit and adding more nuance to their interaction would make it more effective.



Scene 26 -  Hyde's First Night Out
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
DISSOLVE TO:

179 FULL SHOT - EXT. PALACE OF VARIETIES 179

It is the facade of the average cheap music hall of the
period. Hyde leaps out of the cab as it comes to a stop. He
looks at the place with eager interest, then turns to hand
the Cabbie his fare. As the latter reaches down for the money,
Hyde has the sudden caprice to pull him tumbling off his
seat, rolling him on the pavement. Hyde throws the money on
top of him and then pokes him with his stick.

HYDE
(capering about)
Whee! All the king's horses and all
the king's men!

A couple of hangers-on in front rush up. A passer-by stops.




(CONTINUED)
74.

179 CONTINUED: 179

1ST HANGER-ON
(as though to detain
Hyde)
Here, here, Guv'nor - what's the -?

Hyde turns and raises his stick, with a growl of rage. The
men jump back, scared at the expression of viciousness they
see. Then Hyde chuckles, and darts on into the music hall
box office, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

180 FULL SHOT - INT. PALACE OF VARIETIES 180

A smoke-filled Utopia with a bar at one end, a stage at the
other. Along the side, boxes with tables and chairs - and
tables and chairs ranging on an incline from the stage back
towards the bar. The "chairman" at his table down front is
conducting the proceedings on the stage, a row of plump
soubrettes in a song and dance ensemble to the tune of
"Champagne Charlie". WE SEE Hyde come in in the b.g.

181 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 181

He comes in, stands a moment, smelling the wind like an
expectant ram. A waiter approaches him, sees his quality
attire. Hyde hands him his ticket.

WAITER
Ah, yes, sir - Box F, sir.

WE PAN THEM through the tables and up some small steps around
in back of a box which Hyde enters. The waiter stands,
expecting an order, as Hyde's eyes dart about, savoring the
place. The waiter is now a little leery of Hyde's looks and
wants to please.

WAITER
A brandy and soda, sir?

HYDE
(with a grunt, nodding
his head)
Hmph.

The waiter exits. Hyde continues to sweep the room with his
look.

182 PAN SHOT - HYDE'S ANGLE - THE PLACE 182

Hyde's glance travels about slowly, enjoying each group. IT
HOLDS at a table where a young man is kissing the neck of
his girl friend. She pretends to repulse him.
75.



183 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 183

He likes this. He shifts happily in his chair. He looks toward
the stage.

184 PAN SHOT - LINE OF SOUBRETTES - HYDE'S ANGLE 184

We travel down the line of hard-working young ladies. They
lift their limbs in a sort of can-can.

185 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 185

This pleases him no end. He lifts his stick and rotates it
like the limbs of the girls. The waiter appears with the
brandy and soda, puts it down.

WAITER
(elaborately)
Yes, sir.

Hyde picks up the glass, starts to drink, and just then
notices something o.s. His eyes light up.

186 EFFECT SHOT - HIS ANGLE - IVY 186

She is behind the bar, laughing and joking with two or three
men. The reason Hyde can see her is that she is standing on
a stool, reaching up for a bottle at the back of the bar, as
she looks back at the men below. We cannot hear what she is
saying, naturally.

187 TWO SHOT - HYDE AND WAITER 187

Hyde notices waiter's presence.

HYDE
(barking)
What are you waiting for?
(as waiter starts to
stutter)
A tip, eh? Get out!

The waiter ducks quickly, and Hyde looks again toward Ivy
o.s. WE PULL BACK to INCLUDE waiter as he rounds box and
starts down steps.

WAITER
(grumbling)
Blighter!

Hyde swings his cane over the box in front of the waiter,
tripping him.




(CONTINUED)
76.

187 CONTINUED: 187

HYDE
(as he does so)
Eh?
(to waiter on floor)
Mind your tongue and send me a bottle
of champagne.
(gesturing o.s.)
Have her bring it - that girl up
there!

WAITER
(sullenly)
Ivy? Ivy ain't allowed to leave the
bar.

At this point, a fat little manager comes INTO SCENE.

HYDE
(with slow ominousness)
I said!

MANAGER
(very officious)
Here - here. What's all this here
about?

WAITER
This gent here wants champagne.

MANAGER
Champagne? Well, bring it, man -
bring it!

WAITER
But he wants Ivy to serve it -!
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary After being heartbroken over Beatrix's departure, Jekyll takes the potion and transforms into Hyde, who seeks out Ivy Pearson at the Palace of Varieties.
Strengths "The scene creates a memorable visual of Hyde's first night out and his newfound aggression."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is minimal and the scene has a relatively low plot impact."
Critique Overall, this scene is a good example of establishing character and setting. The use of description is strong, allowing the reader to visualize the setting and understand Hyde's behavior. However, the dialogue could be improved to make the characters more distinct. Hyde's lines are mostly generic and don't reveal much about his personality, while the other characters lack distinct voices. Additionally, there could be more tension in the scene - while Hyde's behavior is mischievous, there is no real conflict. Overall, the scene sets up the location well and establishes some characterization, but could benefit from stronger dialogue and more tension.
Suggestions Overall, the scene feels disjointed and lacks a clear purpose or goal for the character of Hyde. Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify Hyde's motivation: At the moment, Hyde seems to be causing chaos for no reason. Give him a clear objective or goal for this scene. For example, maybe he is trying to impress someone, or he is trying to distract himself from something troubling.

2. Streamline the action: The scene has a lot of unnecessary moments, such as Hyde tripping the waiter and the manager's arrival. Cut down on some of the extraneous action to keep the scene moving forward and focus on Hyde's main objective.

3. Develop the setting: The Palace of Varieties is described in detail, but it doesn't play a significant role in the scene. Consider how the unique qualities of this location could come into play - for example, maybe Hyde wants to perform onstage, or he's there to meet someone specific.

4. Develop Ivy's character: Ivy is mentioned briefly, but we don't know anything about her beyond her name. Consider giving her more personality and agency - maybe she's a singer at the music hall, or she's trying to save up money to move to America.

5. Add tension: Right now, the scene feels a bit aimless. Consider adding an element of tension or conflict to make it more engaging for the audience. This could come from a character confrontation, an unexpected obstacle, or a time limit on Hyde's objective.



Scene 27 -  Hyde Meets Ivy
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
MANAGER
Of course, she'll serve it! Jump
now!
(turns to Hyde as
waiter slinks off)
Anything to oblige a gentleman, sir!

But Hyde takes no notice of him, as he keeps looking o.s. at
Ivy.

188 GROUP SHOT - AROUND IVY AT BAR 188

She is still on the stool, reaching up. The two men are
kidding her. She is playing up to them. Their eyes are
obviously on her ankles and lower limbs as they are revealed
by her skirt lifting a little when she stretches.




(CONTINUED)
77.

188 CONTINUED: 188

1ST MAN
(winking at the other)
No, we want the Old Par up there -!

IVY
This - up here -?

2ND MAN
(nudging his companion)
No, no - up higher, Ivy love - the
Red Label Walker -!

IVY
Higher, eh? You are a one!
(drops down and pushes
him playfully in the
chest)
Your missus has got a pair of ankles.
Go home and look at them!

By this time the waiter has come to bar.

WAITER
(to Ivy)
There's a gent in Box F what wants
you to serve him and old Figg says
you're to do it.

IVY
(airily)
Oh, he does, eh? Well, tell him it a
in't my business to --

WAITER
He wants a bottle of the boy.

IVY
(happily surprised)
Oh! Bubbly! Why didn't you say so?

She takes a bottle of champagne from a box of cracked ice
behind bar. Puts it on a tray.

1ST MAN
(during this)
Hey, Ivy love - what about some fish
and chips after the show?

2ND MAN
What about a dozen oysters and a
pint of stout?

Ivy very meaningly puts a second glass on the tray.



(CONTINUED)
78.

188 CONTINUED: (2) 188

IVY
What about a glass of champagne?

She picks up tray with bottle and glasses and flounces down
the bar and out, as the two men look after her.

189 CLOSE SHOT - CHAIRMAN 189

He turns to the crowd as another chorus of the song starts.

CHAIRMAN
(calling out)
Everybody now! All together! `Oh!
Champagne Charlie is my --!'

He leads the crowd as they all start to sing.

190 PAN SHOT - IVY 190

As she approaches box. She adopts a casual air, singing as
she goes, pretending little interest in the man in the box
o.s., as WE PAN HER UP the steps and around into the box.
She puts down tray as Hyde looks at her avidly. She has not
yet got a good look at him, only sensing his expensive attire,
as she opens the bottle and sings at the same time. Then she
turns as though to smile casually at the customer, and gets
Hyde's full look, sees him for the first time, and stops
singing, staring at him. Then she looks away, starts singing
again, only not very happily now, and then pours only one
glass, as she finally ceases singing entirely. The song stops,
and there are applause and shouts o.s.

IVY
(wanting to get away)
That'll be half a quid, sir.

HYDE
(giving her a note)
Here's a sovereign, my dear... the
change is yours.

IVY
(impressed)
Thank you, sir.

Yet she looks at him again and still decides to go. Hyde
gets up quickly and touches her elbow.

HYDE
Oh, but now! You brought two glasses.
You must have had the same thought
as I. What a nice beginning, eh?
(pulls out chair and
edges her into it)
Sit down, my dear - yes - sit down....

(CONTINUED)
79.

190 CONTINUED: 190

He pours the other glass of wine for her.

IVY
(nervously, watching
him)
I'll take just a sip. Then I'll have
to go back because I'm --

HYDE
Nonsense - we've got all evening,
little Ivy. I like your singing.
You'll have to sing for me some more.
Where did you get such a pretty
voice....?

IVY
(fooling with glass)
Why - I dunno.... I just --

HYDE
Is it because of the pretty place it
comes from -?
(starting to touch
under her chin)
That's very lovely.... where it comes
from....

Ivy quickly picks up her glass, to interfere with his gesture.

IVY
Well - good - good luck, sir.
Genres: ["drama","horror"]

Summary After transforming into Mr. Hyde, Jekyll goes to seek out Ivy Pearson at the Palace of Varieties.
Strengths "Introduces an interesting dynamic between Hyde and Ivy. "
Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels cliched and predictable. "
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and discomfort between Ivy and Hyde. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue could be tightened up to increase the impact of each line. For example, the exchange between the two men and Ivy about her legs feels a bit drawn out and repetitive. It could benefit from being condensed into a shorter, snappier exchange.

Secondly, there are a few instances where the stage directions are somewhat vague or unnecessarily detailed. For example, the description of Ivy "flouncing" down the bar and out doesn't add much to the scene and could be cut. On the other hand, the stage direction "starting to touch under her chin" could benefit from more specificity - what exactly is Hyde doing here?

Finally, the ending of the scene feels a bit abrupt. It's unclear what Ivy's next move is, and the dialogue between her and Hyde feels like it could benefit from a more concrete resolution. Is Ivy going to stay and talk to Hyde, or is she going to try and leave as soon as possible? How does Hyde respond to Ivy's discomfort and hesitation?

Overall, these are relatively minor points, and the scene successfully conveys the tension and unease between the two characters. With a few tweaks, it could be a real standout moment.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more action and conflict. There should be more of a push-and-pull dynamic between Ivy and Hyde, with Ivy trying to escape his advances and Hyde trying to keep her there. Additionally, there could be more tension between Ivy and the two men at the bar, as they objectify and harass her. This could add to the stakes and make Ivy's interaction with Hyde more fraught with danger. Finally, there should be clearer motivations for Ivy and Hyde - why does Ivy need to leave, and why is Hyde interested in keeping her there? These motivations could drive the scene forward and create more meaningful conflict and character development.



Scene 28 -  Hyde starts a fight at the Palace of Varieties
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
HYDE
I make my own luck, my dear --
(lifting his glass to
her)
And tonight I follow the rainbow....

IVY
(with a nervous laugh) You do talk,
don't you?

HYDE
(leaning closer to
her)
We'll follow it together, eh?

He holds her gaze for a second. Then:

IVY
(decisively)
I follow it right home, mister.




(CONTINUED)
80.

190 CONTINUED: (2) 190

HYDE
To what end, my dear? That fetid
stable you call home? You - with
your young radiance -- are happy
living in that rat-trap?

IVY
(pertly)
What do you expect? Buckingham Palace?

Hyde throws back his head and laughs.

HYDE
Touche', my dear. I like that!

IVY
(suddenly)
Here! How do you know where I live?

HYDE
(caught)
Why, I --
(then, easily)
I can only imagine. I'll warrant
your wages here won't afford you a
mansion in Kensington.

IVY
(as he leans closer)
`Struth - they don't!
(starting to rise)
Well, I must be off because --

HYDE
(holding her arm)
Why? You act frightened of me, little
Ivy....
(rising with her,
still holding her
arm - softly)
You mustn't be frightened of me....

Ivy stares at him a second, almost in a spell because of his
voice and touch. Then, she suddenly wrenches herself away.

IVY
(as she does so)
I ain't afraid of nobody - but leggo,
you hear?

At this point, the first man who was at the bar, enters. He
is quite tight and annoyed. He grabs Ivy's other arm.

1ST MAN
What's he doin', Ivy?

(CONTINUED)
81.

190 CONTINUED: (3) 190

IVY
(wrenching away from
him also)
And you leggo, too:

As she ducks out of the box, she bumps into the second man
at the bar, who has followed the first. The latter is quite
drunk.

2ND MAN
Hey! What's all this about?

HYDE
(pointing to first
man)
He insulted the poor child! He mauled
her!

1ST MAN
Don't listen to --

2ND MAN
(eyeing first)
He did, eh?

HYDE
You saw him -- he nearly broke her
wrist! We were sitting here having a -

For answer the second man swings on the first and knocks him
over the rail of the box and onto a table, beneath where sit
four or five men and a couple of girls. The place goes in an
uproar.

2ND MAN
(leaning over rail,
to first)
You will, eh?

Hyde's eyes light up at the fracas. He shoves the second man
over the low rail with a lightning movement, and stands
laughing at the turmoil below.

191 FULL SHOT - FIGHT 191

It starts as one of the men swings on the first who has
fallen.

AD LIB
Here! What's the idea? Give it to
him, Fred! Wh're you shovin'? Let
him have it! You take that one! Etc.

The fight becomes general in the area below Hyde's box, as
he watches gleefully. Women scream. Glasses and bottles crash.
82.



192 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 192

He jumps up and down at the rail, watching the fight like an
animal, gleefully giggling as he sees the heavy punching and
falling. At one point a man is backed up against the rail.
Hyde puts his foot through and kicks him sprawling.

193 PAN SHOT - MANAGER 193

The fat little man comes hurrying into the fight, elbowing
his way through.

MANAGER
(calling over his
shoulder)
Fred - Joe -!
(to fighting crowd)
Here, here now - stop this! I'll
stop it!

As he comes abreast of Hyde, Hyde's eyes gleam as he spies
the Manager's. Then, with elaborate but quick prankishness,
Hyde uses his stick like a billiard cue, shooting it on the
rail, letting the manager have it right in the side of the
eye, then jumps up and down with laughter as the manager
goes down, and we -

DISSOLVE TO:

194 TWO SHOT - INT. MANAGER'S OFFICE 194

The manager is applying a cold towel and a piece of raw meat
to his eye which is quite puffed. In the b.g. through the
door, we see the activity of the place. Hyde watches him.

MANAGER
... frightful. We run a very orderly
hall here. I don't understand what
happened.
Genres: ["drama","suspense"]

Summary After transforming into Mr. Hyde, Jekyll seeks out Ivy Pearson at the Palace of Varieties where he starts a fight with two men, reveling in the chaos as he gleefully watches them punch and fall. He also uses his stick to hit the manager in the eye before escaping.
Strengths
  • Intense action scene
  • Well-paced
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and provides good characterization for Hyde. It also creates tension and builds to the fight scene. However, there are a few places where the dialogue could be improved. For example, Ivy's line "I ain't afraid of nobody" feels a bit cliché and could be reworded to sound more natural. Additionally, the dialogue in the fight scene could benefit from more specific actions and reactions from the characters, rather than relying solely on ad libs. Overall, though, the scene effectively sets up the conflict between Hyde and the other characters and establishes his aggressive and sadistic nature.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the characters' intentions: While it is clear that Hyde is trying to charm and manipulate Ivy, the scene could benefit from more clarity on Ivy's intentions and motivations. Is she genuinely interested in Hyde, or is she only playing along to be polite? Is she afraid of him, or is she just annoyed by his advances? These nuances in her character can help add depth and tension to the scene.

2. Add more conflict: The fight scene at the end of the scene feels a bit sudden and disconnected from the rest of the action. Adding in more conflict between the characters, either through verbal sparring or physical action, can make the fight feel more organic and earned.

3. Consider pacing: The dialogue in this scene is very dense and packed with exposition. Breaking up the dialogue with more action and movement, such as characters pacing or reacting non-verbally to each other, can help keep the scene visually engaging.

4. Explore character dynamics: The relationship between Hyde and Ivy is central to the scene, but there could be more exploration of their power dynamics and how they play off each other. For example, Hyde's attempts to charm Ivy might be less effective if Ivy is more savvy and aware of his manipulations. Alternatively, Ivy's seemingly subservient behavior could belie a more assertive and cunning personality. Playing with these dynamics can make the scene more dynamic and interesting for the audience.



Scene 29 -  Hyde Offers Ivy a New Life
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8
HYDE
Ir's that girl, Ivy... that barmaid.
Girls like that always cause trouble.
You should discharge her.

MANAGER
(surprised)
Ivy? Why, no! She brings half the
customers in here --

HYDE
I said discharge her!




(CONTINUED)
83.

194 CONTINUED: 194

As the manager looks, Hyde takes a sheaf of bills from his
wallet, and throws them on the desk. The manager picks them
up, looks at Hyde.

MANAGER
Hm? Five pounds? Why - why - yes -
yes - I think you're quite right,
sir. Trouble-maker, that's what she
is. Out she goes, sir.

HYDE
(starting to go)
At once, you hear?

MANAGER
Oh, yes, sir.

Hyde goes out, as the manager looks after him, guiltily
putting the money in his pocket, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

195 CLOSE SHOT - CAB - EXT. PALACE OF VARIETIES - LATER 195

Hyde is sitting in the cab, staring o.s. like a gnome,
waiting. His eyes light up, AS WE HEAR Ivy and the manager's
voice o.s. WE PAN OVER to where Ivy is leaving the stage
door of the place and yelling back at the manager in the
b.g.

IVY
Who you pushin'?

MANAGER
Well, don't hang about here!

IVY
Who's hangin' about?

MANAGER
Then be off!

IVY
Good riddance!

He slams the door in her face and she comes toward the CAMERA,
flouncing her indignation. As she gets opposite the cab,
Hyde steps out and confronts her.

HYDE
(solicitously)
I was afraid there would be trouble,
little Ivy...



(CONTINUED)
84.

195 CONTINUED: 195

IVY
(flaring up at him)
Trouble? I was sacked, that's what -
!

HYDE
I know. That's why I waited. I want
to help you, my dear.

IVY
You done enough. It was on account
of you! You started that row!

HYDE
Ha! A volcano inside - always ready
to flare up. I like that.
(in the meantime he
has taken out wallet
and puts a wad of
notes in her hand)
There now - to show my heart. We'll
get along, you and I!
(guides her to cab
and helps her in)
The rainbow is wide and long, little
Ivy....

Ivy allows him to do this, fascinated as much by his easy
manner as by the sudden wealth in her hands.

196 FULL SHOT - INT. CAB 196

Ivy gets in, followed quickly by Hyde, who shuts the door.
But Ivy now feels imprisoned as Hyde sits close to her. She
starts to rise, undecided, as though to get out.

IVY
Now, wait. Half a mo', mister --

HYDE
(quickly, holding her
on seat)
No, no... you don't belong in there,
anyhow -- serving cheap gin to cattle!
You should be in a quiet, hidden
palace - singing the ancient song of
pleasure -- and surrounded by rare
perfume and jewels -- a life that
would put a queen of Babylon to
shame --!




(CONTINUED)
85.

196 CONTINUED: 196

IVY
(fascinated more, but
doubtful)
G'arn -- who do you think you're
kiddin'?

HYDE
I mean it, my dear! From the moment
I saw you, I --

IVY
(practical)
And how'm I going to get all that?

HYDE
(patting her hand -
still holding money)
With this! More and more of this. It
was printed just for you --!
(he laughs wildly,
and she pulls away
from him a little -
he feels this)
Oh, don't let my looks frighten you,
little Ivy -!

IVY
(studying him)
Well, you ain't a museum piece,
exactly.....

HYDE
(enfolding her)
No, not my face - but you'll forget
that soon enough....
(he moves toward her)
She suddenly decides against it all.

IVY
(trying to get away)
No! It's a rum go. That's what it
is! Let me out!

She tries to thrust him away.
Genres: ["Horror","Romance"]

Summary After being fired from her job, Ivy Pearson is confronted by Mr. Hyde. He offers her a life of luxury and decadence, which she is initially skeptical of but becomes intrigued by his passion and wealth.
Strengths
  • Strong character development for both Ivy and Hyde
  • Seductive and mysterious tone
  • Interesting use of bribery and manipulation
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear motivation for Ivy to follow Hyde
  • Dialogue could be sharper and more dynamic
Critique The scene shows strong character development for Hyde, but lacks the same for Ivy. Her decision to go with him is not explained as well as it could be, and the scene overall feels rushed. More attention could be given to establishing Ivy's character and motivations. Additionally, the dialogue feels somewhat stilted and could benefit from more natural phrasing.
Suggestions The dialogue in this scene could be improved by adding more subtext and tension between Hyde and Ivy. As it stands, Hyde's intentions towards Ivy are fairly clear from the beginning, which takes away from the suspense of the scene. Adding more nuance to their interaction could create a sense of unease for the audience and make their relationship more dynamic. Additionally, the language used by the characters could be more evocative and colorful, creating a more vivid picture of their personalities and motivations. Finally, adding more physical action and blocking could make the scene more visually interesting and add to the tension between the characters.



Scene 30 -  Hyde Confronts Ivy
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
HYDE
(becoming vicious
instantly)
Do you think I'd let you go now that
I've got you? You think I'd throw
away food after famine?




(CONTINUED)
86.

196 CONTINUED: (2) 196

IVY
(unable to take her
eyes from his, in a
small voice)
D-don't - you're hurting me...

HYDE
(grinning evilly)
I wouldn't hurt you because I love
you - because I'm happy loving you -
(with a chuckle)
We're going to whirl away - in a
burst of blinding darkness -- aren't
we, little moonbeam?

IVY
(a mouse before a
cobra)
I - I - don't know what you're talking
about -

HYDE
(imitating her in a
baby-talk voice)
Oh! She doesn't know what I'm talkin'
about!

197 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE'S FACE 197

It starts to come closer toward the CAMERA

HYDE
(in a throaty low
whisper)
But you'll find out... oh yes --
you'll find out...

His face moves right into the CAMERA with an awful leer, as
we

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

198 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX'S FACE 198

She is wearing a puzzled frown. WE PULL BACK TO find her
seated on the terrace at a table with Sir Charles outside of
the "pump room" at Aix Les Bains. Sir Charles is opening
some letters. In the b.g., others at other tables are reading
newly-arrived mail. Beatrix turns the page of her letter.
87.



198A CLOSE SHOT - PAGE OF LETTER 198A

"so your letter was forwarded to me here at the Conference.
I cannot imagine why you have not heard from Harry, but when
I get back to London I shall immediately look him up and --"

199 TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND SIR CHARLES 199

SIR CHARLES
(opening another letter)
Hmph! Fellows and Smith. Probably
the market's tumbled.
(then, as he glances
at letter)
No! It's up. By Gad!
(then over to Beatrix,
in a fine mood)
Well, what's your good news, my dear.
What does Harry say this morning?

Casually, Beatrix tips the copy of the Times. so that it
stands on her lap against the table.

BEATRIX
Oh, nothing much....

200 CLOSE SHOT - COLUMN OF TIMES - 200

IT IS A LETTER. IT BEGINS:

To the Editor of the Times:- I recently walked through the
West End of London. I have never seen such deplorable housing
conditions in all my life. Surely, --

SIR CHARLES' VOICE
(with a chuckle)
Oh, come now - Nothing about wanting
to know when you're coming home? Oh,
no - I'll wager not!

201 TWO SHOT - BEATRIX AND SIR CHARLES 201

He is glancing over at her chidingly.

BEATRIX
(trying to be bright)
He says he walked through the West
End recently....
(reads)
I have never seen such deplorable
housing conditions Surely, the City
Council should find funds to --
(MORE)



(CONTINUED)
88.

201 CONTINUED: 201

BEATRIX (CONT'D)
(stops reading)
Well, he just goes on to say about
the conditions. They must be pretty
dreadful.

SIR CHARLES
Hmp! I like the sound of that. He's
got his mind on practical problems.
Yes, the Council should do something
about it -
(stops as he sees
tears in her eyes)
Here, here - my dear - what's wrong?

BEATRIX
(quickly collecting
herself)
Nothing. I - I guess I'm just not
terribly interested in housing
conditions.... at the moment.

She tries for control with a little laugh.

SIR CHARLES
You mean because a man doesn't cover
the pages with sentimental drivel?
Nonsense -
(pats her hand, gently)
You women should learn to read between
the lines...
(picks up another
letter - half to
himself)
Yes. I like the tone of that letter.
Perhaps we won't have to stay away
as long as I thought....

Beatrix turns and looks at him with joyful expectance, as WE
DOLLY TO A CLOSE SHOT OF HER, an

DISSOLVE TO:
89.



202 CLOSE SHOT - IVY - INT. NEW APARTMENT 202
Genres: ["horror","drama"]

Summary Hyde seeks out Ivy Pearson at the Palace of Varieties, where he starts a fight with two men, reveling in the chaos as he gleefully watches them punch and fall. He also uses his stick to hit the manager in the eye before escaping. After being fired from her job, Ivy is confronted by Hyde. He offers her a life of luxury and decadence, which she is initially skeptical of but becomes intrigued by his passion and wealth.
Strengths "The scene builds upon the growing darkness and violence of Hyde's character, with Ivy becoming drawn in despite her initial resistance."
Weaknesses "The scene's violence and manipulation may make it uncomfortable for some viewers."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have expertise nor knowledge, but I can give my feedback.

The scene is well-written and has a good flow of dialogue, with clear characterizations of Hyde and Ivy. The use of visuals adds to the tension and atmosphere of the scene, particularly in the close-up shots of their faces. The contrast to the following scene with Beatrix and Sir Charles is also effective in showcasing the juxtaposition between their experiences. Overall, the scene effectively builds suspense and sets up future conflicts.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more physical action and tension to the scene to keep viewers engaged. For example, you could have Ivy try to fight back or escape Hyde, or have Hyde physically restrain her. Additionally, you could also add more dialogue that reveals the true nature of their relationship and motivations, rather than just suggesting it through their behavior and tone. This could add more depth and complexity to the characters and their dynamic. Finally, you could also consider changing the setting or adding unique visual elements to add more visual interest to the scene.



Scene 31 -  Mr. Hyde Confronts Ivy and Marcia
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
She is a different Ivy than we last saw. She seems to be
down, dull, beaten, some of her native young impudence and
freshness gone. She is playing a game of solitaire. She makes
a move, and winces a little, feels her shoulder, then plays
on dully, as WE DRAW BACK to show her new surroundings, a
rather rich, gaudy and heavy parlor of the period. In the
b.g. beyond folding doors thrown open, is the bedroom and
dressing table. AS WE SWING AROUND we see the front door on
a landing and then a few steps with rail descend into the
parlor. The door opens and Ivy jumps up quickly, stiffening,
then relaxes and tries to cover up as an older girl in a
peignoir and slippers comes in.

IVY
(sitting down)
Oh, hello, Marcia.

MARCIA
(coming down steps)
Just stepped down the hall for a
chin-chin...
(sits down opposite
Ivy as WE DOLLY IN
eyeing her, with a
casual drawl)
You jumped as though you sat on a
hot stove.

IVY
(with a nervous laugh)
It's me nerves, I suppose.
(to change subject)
Want to play?

MARCIA
(picks up another
deck and shuffles,
as Ivy sweeps hers
up and does the same)
Oh, I say -
(laying out her cards)
My Freddie's got a young brother.
Just down from Oxford. A nice boy,
Freddie says, and he'd like to have
him meet a nice girl. How about it?

IVY
(quickly, seeing
Marcia's motive)
No, Marcia - no - you know I ain't
in any position to --



(CONTINUED)
90.

202 CONTINUED: 202

MARCIA
(coming right to the
point)
I don't know what's wrong with you!
A smart, pretty young girl - with a
goblin like this Hyde! Of all the --

IVY
(trying to pass it
off)
Why, now - looks ain't everything -
you see --

MARCIA
(piling it on)
Sitting here waiting for him all the
time - like in a cage! Come on out
with Freddie and me and the kid.
We'll go to the Empire and the
Alhambra - where all the toffs go -
where everybody's laughin' and
gay --!

IVY
Oh, I'd like that - straight, I would.
But - but I can't, Marcia. I --

MARCIA
(rising, going around
to her)
You can't because you're afraid of
him - that's why!

IVY
(very unconvincing)
I - I'm not afraid of nobody....!

MARCIA
(pulls kimona off
Ivy's arm - vehement
against Hyde,
indicating bruises)
These are the diamond bracelets he
gives you, I suppose? Why if ever a
man dared to lay a hand to me like
that I'd --

But they both turn quickly as the door opens o.s. Ivy rises
in panic. Marcia's jaw stiffens. She still holds the pack of
cards in her hand.

203 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 203

He stands there a second in the open door, smiling his evil
smile at them.
91.



203A CLOSE SHOT - MARCIA AND IVY 203A

Marcia slowly lets Ivy's sleeve down and walks back around
the other side of the table. Her defiance dwindles. Ivy stands
terrified.

203B PAN SHOT - HYDE 203B

He closes the door and comes down the steps into the room.
He takes off his hat and gloves and cape. He slowly walks
over and confronts the two girls. He looks Marcia up and
down.

HYDE
And who is our out-spoken visitor?

IVY
It's Marcia, sir - my friend - You've
heard me speak about. We - we was
just playing a -

HYDE
Ah, yes - Marcia. You know, Marcia,
I've never been interested in you in
the slightest - until now...

MARCIA
(trying to be calm)
Well - I've got to be toddling, I
guess...

HYDE
Oh, no. This could be interesting --
the three of us. Discussing friendly
details...

MARCIA
(backing away)
I'll - I'll drop by again, Ivy.

She goes to foot of stairs for her wrap.

203C REVERSE SHOT - AT STAIR 203C

Hyde follows Marcia and helps her on with her wrap.

HYDE
But you must come when I'm here,
Marcia. Your point of view differs
from mine. It would be a delicious
thrill to change it.
(over his shoulder)
Ivy found it that way - didn't we,
my dear?


(CONTINUED)
92.
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary Mr. Hyde confronts Ivy and Marcia in Ivy's new surroundings where Marcia is pushing Ivy to leave Mr. Hyde. Mr. Hyde intimidates both women and offers Marcia to stay to discuss differences in opinion.
Strengths "Mr. Hyde's intimidation tactics create tension and conflict"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be improved upon"
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would offer the following critique:

- The scene lacks clear action and objective. It simply shows Ivy playing solitaire and discussing her relationship with Hyde with her friend, Marcia. While it sets up some tension with the mention of bruises and Ivy's fear of Hyde, it doesn't move the story forward or provide clear conflict for the characters.
- The dialogue is heavy-handed and lacks subtext. Marcia's lines, in particular, feel like they are simply stating the obvious and aren't revealing anything new about the characters or situation.
- The description of the setting and camera movements are detailed, but they don't add much to the scene. It's important to remember that screenplay descriptions should only include what is necessary to understand the action and mood of the scene.
- The introduction of Hyde at the end of the scene feels abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the conversation. It doesn't build on the tension already established and seems to come out of nowhere.

Overall, I would suggest reworking the scene to provide clearer objectives and conflict for the characters and to use more subtle and nuanced dialogue to reveal their motivations and emotions. The description could also be streamlined to only include what is absolutely necessary. Finally, the introduction of Hyde should be integrated more smoothly into the scene to create a more cohesive and natural flow.
Suggestions It would be helpful to clarify who Ivy is and how she got into this situation. Perhaps adding some background information earlier in the screenplay would help. Additionally, the dialogue between Ivy and Marcia could be reworked to feel more natural and less forced. Finally, the description of the surroundings could be more concise and clear to help the reader visualize the setting without getting bogged down in excessive detail.



Scene 32 -  Hyde Continues to Manipulate Ivy
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
203C CONTINUED: 203C

Ivy in b.g. says nothing. Hyde feels Marcia's shoulders. He
puts on her wrap.

HYDE
(continuing)
What nice material..

Marcia quickly pulls away and ascends the stairs.

MARCIA
Good - goodbye, Ivy.

IVY
Goodbye.

Marcia turns, gives a second look at Hyde, hurries out.

203D CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 203D

He looks after Marcia.

HYDE
(chuckling softly)
Quite nice material....

Then he turns and looks o.s. at Ivy.

203E CLOSE SHOT - IVY 203E

She stands frozen by the table, scared by his look now that
they are left alone.

203F CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 203F

He softens into a demon-sweet tenderness. WE PAN HIM OVER to
decanter on the side console, where he pours himself a
straight drink during the following conversation:

HYDE
(as he goes to side
console)
Marcia is a pretty girl, isn't she?

203G CLOSE SHOT - IVY 203G

IVY
Oh, yes, sir.

203H CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 203H

HYDE
(as he pours drink)
That's why you're scared, isn't it?
93.



203J CLOSE SHOT - IVY 203J

She is confused.

IVY
Why, no, sir - I -

203K CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 203K

He is looking in mirror now, holding his drink in one hand,
smoothing his hair and tie with the other. Ivy can be seen
in mirror in back of him.

HYDE
You're afraid I'll become interested
in Marcia, aren't you?

IVY
(quickly)
Oh, no, sir - if you want to - why -
(she stops as Hyde
turns quickly - we
cannot see his face -
then, her expression
very strained)
Oh, yes, sir - of course, sir:

203L PAN SHOT - HYDE 203L

He throws down the drink and WE PAN HIM OVER to the table
where Ivy is standing.

HYDE
What? You're not very clear.

IVY
Well, sir - I -

HYDE
(stroking her shoulder)
Poor child. I'm such a tease, aren't
I? Such a tease....

IVY
Yes, sir.

HYDE
(with a pleasurable
sigh)
- starts eating grapes from bowl)
What a lucky man - to be loved this
way.

He sits down on the table, putting grape after grape into
his mouth and snicking the skins across the room at random.

(CONTINUED)
94.

203L CONTINUED: 203L

HYDE
But, my dear - suppose I did have to
leave you for awhile?

203M TWO SHOT - DIFFERENT ANGLE 203M

Ivy sits down at the table again, her face averted from Hyde
at this question, and starts to put the cards together with
trembling hands.

IVY
(trying to hide her
hope)
Leave, sir? When?

HYDE
I'm not saying when. I just say
suppose.

IVY
Why, sir - I -

HYDE
Supposing I had to take a trip from
time to time?

IVY
(unable to keep from
looking at him with
great expectance)
You mean - soon, sir?

HYDE
(letting her hang on
eagerly)
Well, let me see...
(gently - touching
her cheek)
Oh - to - to - you mustn't look so
worried. It won't be for a long,
long time.

IVY
(dully)
Oh... I see, sir.

HYDE
So we won't think about it now, will
we?

IVY
N-no, sir.




(CONTINUED)
95.

203M CONTINUED: 203M

HYDE
But when I do - it will break your
heart. Won't it?

IVY
Oh, yes, sir.

HYDE
(with a chuckle)
It'll be a knife in your heart. Won't
it?

On this, he snicks a grape skin right into the curly hair
about her temple. It sticks there. She tries to laugh, as
she picks it out. Then she quickly gets up and exits from
SCENE, taking cards with her as Hyde watches her.

204 CLOSE SHOT - IVY 204

As she comes to a cabinet and starts to put cards away,
staying there to re-arrange things just for something to do.

205 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 205
Genres: ["horror","drama","thriller"]

Summary After confronting Ivy and Marcia, Hyde manipulates Ivy into believing he will take her on a trip eventually, but hints that it will be a heartbreak when it happens.
Strengths "The scene showcases Hyde's manipulation skills well and has good tension. Both characters are compelling in their own ways."
Weaknesses "The scene could have been shorter and more concise."
Critique The scene is well-written in terms of its structure and pacing. The actions and dialogue reveal the power dynamics between Hyde and Ivy, with Hyde using his charm and manipulation to exert control over her. However, there are some problematic aspects to the scene. The way Hyde talks to Ivy and touches her shoulder and cheek without her consent is inappropriate and could be triggering for some viewers. Additionally, the scene perpetuates harmful stereotypes of women being subordinate to men who use their power to manipulate and control them. Overall, while the scene is effective in advancing the plot and character development, it could benefit from reworking to address these issues.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Develop the characters more: Currently, the characters of Ivy and Hyde do not have much depth and come off as one-dimensional. It would help to add more backstory and complexity to them.

2. Show, don't tell: Rather than having Hyde state that Marcia has nice material, show the audience what he is feeling through his actions and facial expressions.

3. Increase tension: The scene lacks any real tension or conflict. Adding in moments of tension would make the scene more engaging for the audience.

4. Make the dialogue more natural: The dialogue between Ivy and Hyde feels forced and unnatural. Adding in more naturalistic dialogue would make the scene feel more authentic.

5. Improve pacing: The scene feels slow and drawn out. Tightening up the pacing would make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 33 -  Hyde and Ivy
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
He watches her, smiling, swinging one leg as he sits on the
table, munching more grapes.

HYDE
And what would my little cherub like
to do this evening?

205A CLOSE SHOT - IVY 205A

She turns - a plea in her eyes.

IVY
Oh, sir! Could we go out, sir?

205B CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 205B

HYDE
Out? You mean - gad about a bit? See
the sights?

205C PAN SHOT - IVY 205C

She comes over to him, hopeful of selling him the idea.

IVY
Oh, yes, sir. You'd like it, wouldn't
you, sir?

HYDE
Well, now, that might be very pleasant -
yes - let's see - where shall we go?

(CONTINUED)
96.

205C CONTINUED: 205C

IVY
Oh, they say the Alhambra and such
places is ever so nice.

HYDE
They do? Who does?

IVY
Well, Marcia, sir. She says it's
ever so gay.

HYDE
Is that so?

IVY
Yes, sir. We can go, can't we, sir?
They say the entertainment is ever
such fun. And I - well, I haven't
been out in so long, I -

HYDE
You are getting somewhat pale, my
dear...

IVY
It's true, sir. Not that I'm complain
ing, you understand - but-

HYDE
(gently)
Oh, I know. You're just jumpy -
nervous - that's it.

IVY
Yes, sir. I -

HYDE
You have that - that cooped-up
feeling...

IVY
Oh, yes, sir. You do understand,
don't you? Then we'll -?

HYDE
(with a sudden idea)
I know! What about Albert Hall? To a
symphony, perhaps?

IVY
(puzzled)
Symphony, sir?




(CONTINUED)
97.

205C CONTINUED: (2) 205C

HYDE
(with scorn)
Yes - where all the toffs go - when
they're respectable. When they'd
rather tell a girl her garter's too
tight than to say what's really in
their thoughts -!

IVY
(a little crestfallen)
Well, sir - I sort of hoped we could -
(stops, looks at him
a little puzzled as
the word "garter"
rings in her past
unconscious mind)
What makes you say -?

HYDE
(quickly - gaily)
So you want to go out, eh?

IVY
(thinking this his
assent)
Oh, yes, sir! I'll go put on my things
and -!

HYDE
(sweetly)
We're not going!

IVY
(turning back to him)
Sir -?

HYDE
(mimicking her)
Because the entertainment is ever so
gay and nice right here!

He smiles at her evilly, chuckles a little. She turns away
with a sudden desperate gesture, putting both hands over her
brow.

HYDE
(gently)
Now we've got to think of what we'll
do, don't we?
(as she says nothing)
Let's see shall we play cards? No,
you're probably tired of cards --
(MORE)



(CONTINUED)
98.

205C CONTINUED: (3) 205C

HYDE (CONT'D)
(as she still stands,
her face covered)
You could read to me, couldn't you?
Milton's Paradise Lost would be nice -
but we haven't the book here - and
you don't know it from memory, do
you?
(suddenly)
Oh! I know. You remember what we
like!
(leaning over toward
her softly)
Sing to me...

Ivy turns slowly. Her eyes widen in horror. She starts to
break.

IVY
(with a sudden sob)
Oh, no - please, sir - not that -!

HYDE
Not in good voice -?

IVY
It isn't that, sir. It -

HYDE
(in sweet reproof)
Why! It's such a pretty song!

IVY
(wringing her hands,
starting to sob)
Oh, please, sir - not tonight!

HYDE
Sing it gaily!

IVY
I - I can't - truly -!

HYDE
(his tempo accelerating)
Then softly - with compassion...
Genres: ["drama","crime"]

Summary Mr. Hyde manipulates Ivy into spending time with him and revealing her interests. He degrades her and tries to force her to sing for him.
Strengths
  • Strong characterization of Mr. Hyde and Ivy
  • Well-written dialogue
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Depictions of violence may be disturbing
  • Misogynistic tone
Critique Overall, this scene seems well-written with good dialogue and clear character relationships. The characters of Hyde and Ivy are well-defined and their interactions are believable. The use of the grapes as a symbolic device for Hyde's indulgent nature is effective.

However, there could be more description of the setting and actions to better establish the visual elements of the scene. The dialogue is a bit lengthy and could be condensed in some areas to improve pacing.

Additionally, it might be beneficial to more thoroughly examine the motivations and emotions of the characters to add depth to the scene. Ivy's desperation to go out and experience something beyond her current situation could be explored further, as well as Hyde's desire to manipulate and control her.

Overall, this scene has strong elements but could benefit from further development.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from more action or movement to keep it visually interesting. Right now, it's primarily dialogue-heavy and could feel stagnant for viewers. Additionally, there could be more tension or conflict introduced to make the scene more engaging. For example, perhaps Hyde is demanding that Ivy sing a particular song that has difficult emotions attached to it, which would increase the stakes and make the scene more powerful. Additionally, there could be more characterization established for Ivy, so viewers care more about her and her desires.



Scene 34 -  Hyde's Manipulation of Ivy
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
IVY
Please, sir - if you'll just do me
the favor -

HYDE
With loving kindness even...



(CONTINUED)
99.

205C CONTINUED: (4) 205C

IVY
(sobbing more -
terrified now)
Don't ask me to - please, sir -!

HYDE
Then moodily. That's it - with deep
mood!

IVY
Oh, sir - whatever you like - but
for the love of -!

With a lightning-like movement, his gentle taunting turns to
a fierce, vicious command as he pinches her chin between his
thumb and fore-finger. His eyes widen in fury.

HYDE
I said sing!

IVY
(with almost a scream)
But, sir -!

HYDE
Sing it! You hear me?

Ivy slowly nods, looks about a little hysterically, backs
away a little, as if to an accustomed position before him,
and pathetically, between sobs, starts to sing a version of
Champagne Charlie in which she substitutes the words
"Champagne Ivy is my name..."

205D CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 205D

He leans forward on the table, watching her with horrible,
rising satisfaction, swaying slightly to the music.

HYDE
That's it! Smile when you sing! Be
gay! Be happy!

205E CLOSE SHOT - IVY 205E

As she sings, not looking at him, but everywhere else in the
room that she can. As she finishes she just stands there and
sobs.

205F TWO SHOT - HYDE AND IVY 205F

HYDE
(as she finishes)
Bravo! Bravo! A prima donna is born!
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
100.

205F CONTINUED: 205F

HYDE (CONT'D)
Let's draw her carriage through the
streets! Let's shower her with
orchids!

With this he picks up a bunch of grapes and throws them at
her. They smash against her breast, leaving a huge smear. He
leaps over at her, as WE DOLLY IN CLOSE. His voice is now
low and rampant with desire, as he enfolds her in his arms.

HYDE
Congratulations, my dear!... the
world is yours! The moment is
mine -!

She tries to pull away from him, but he pulls her in to him
savagely, and kisses her. She all but faints under it, and
wilts in his arms, her whole body sagging. He looks down at
her, pulls her arms about his neck, lifts her up, with a
look o.s., as we

FADE OUT:

206 OUT. 206

207 FULL SHOT - EXT. BACK DOOR OF LAB - NIGHT 207

Hyde hurries into scene as WE DOLLY IN. He looks left and
right, [...], then unlooks the door and ducks in.

208 FULL SHOT - INT. LAB 208

Hyde lights gas lamps, then takes off his cape and hat, then
quickly goes to [...], picks out a vial, comes to table and
pours contents into a glass. He looks about crazily for a
second, then drinks it. He gets the same violent reaction as
from the "outward" phase. He writhes, grips table, etc., but
the change is much quicker than when he changes to Hyde.
Now, before our eyes, he becomes Dr. Jekyll. He seems sagging,
spent. He goes quickly to the mirror and looks at himself,
as WE DOLLY IN. He peers at, feels, his face anxiously, then
looks at his hands. Then he looks at himself in disgust, and
covers his face with his hands. He paces about a bit, silently
berating himself, his lips moving, his fist pounding the
table. He takes the back-door key out of his pocket, looks
at it, then over at the back-door. He makes a firm decision,
goes quickly to a small gas smelter, lights it, puts in a
chunk of lead, holds the key in his hand, waiting. Suddenly,
there is a knock on the door, o.s., from house.

POOLE'S VOICE
Dr. Jekyll, sir?

JEKYLL
Oh - just a moment, Poole.

(CONTINUED)
101.

208 CONTINUED: 208

He hurries up the stairs, unlocks the front door, and Poole
follows him down stairs. Poole has dressed only in trousers,
coat and slippers.

POOLE
(relieved)
I saw the light. I'm so glad you're
back, Dr. Jekyll. I was worried,
sir. You'll pardon my appearance.

JEKYLL
I was called on an emergency. I stayed
at the house.

POOLE
Yes, sir. Oh, Dr. Lanyon called twice
today, sir - he said to tell you
that Miss Beatrix and her father
arrive home in the morning, sir.

JEKYLL
(starting)
In the morning?

POOLE
Yes, sir.
(smiling, kindly)
I was sure you'd wish to know, sir.

JEKYLL
(joy mixed with anxiety)
Yes... thank you, Poole... thank
you.
Genres: ["drama","horror"]

Summary Mr. Hyde manipulates Ivy into revealing her interests and forces her to sing for him.
Strengths "The manipulation and tension between Hyde and Ivy is well-done, and the audience can feel the emotional impact of Ivy's fear and desperation. The scene also effectively touches on Jekyll's internal struggle."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels contrived and forced, especially towards the end with Poole's appearance."
Critique Overall, the scene is well written and effectively conveys the tension and power dynamic between Ivy and Hyde. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.

First, the stage directions could be clearer and more descriptive. For example, when it says "As she finishes she just stands there and sobs," it's not clear what emotion she's supposed to be conveying or how she's physically reacting. Similarly, when Hyde picks up the grapes and throws them at her, it's unclear whether he's doing so out of anger or playfulness.

Second, some of the dialogue feels repetitive and could be condensed or cut down for greater impact. For example, when Ivy begs Hyde not to ask her to sing, he repeats the same command to sing multiple times despite her protests. This makes the scene feel longer and less efficient.

Finally, the transitions between scenes could be smoother. For example, the jump from Ivy and Hyde's interaction to the exterior shot of the lab feels abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual transition or a brief establishing shot. Similarly, the shift from Hyde's violent reaction to the vial to his transformation into Jekyll could be more smoothly choreographed to create a clearer sequence of events.
Suggestions Overall, the scene needs more clarity in terms of character motivation and action. Here are my suggestions:

1. Add more context to Ivy's character. Who is she? What is her relationship to Hyde/Jekyll? Is she scared of him or does she willingly do as he says? Without this information, her behavior seems random and inconsistent.

2. Hyde's transformation back into Jekyll needs to be clearer and more impactful. Maybe show him struggling to regain control of his body or have him utter something significant before he changes back.

3. The dialogue between Hyde and Ivy needs to have a clearer purpose. What is Hyde trying to accomplish by making Ivy sing? What is the significance of the song? Without this, the scene feels a bit aimless.

4. The action needs to be better described. What exactly is Hyde doing to Ivy? Is he physically hurting her or just being aggressive? It's important to be clear so the audience knows what's happening.

5. Finally, the scene needs a stronger ending. What is the emotional impact of what just happened? How does Hyde/Jekyll feel after this encounter? Adding a moment of reflection or introspection could strengthen the scene and make it feel more complete.



Scene 35 -  Ivy's Dilemma
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
POOLE
Could I fix you a bite of -?

JEKYLL
(quickly)
No.... nothing, thank you...
nothing...

POOLE
(starting upstairs)
Very good, sir.

JEKYLL
Oh, Poole - first thing tomorrow I
want you to get me a special messenger
from the district office. I'll give
him an envelope to deliver.

POOLE
(going out door)
Yes, sir. Goodnight, sir.

(CONTINUED)
102.

208 CONTINUED: (2) 208

JEKYLL
Goodnight, Poole...

WE DOLLY INTO JEKYLL as he walks to the smelter. It is now
molten hot and reflects on his face. He takes the key and
drops it into the boiling lead.

209 INSERT - KEY 209

Dissolving into the molten lead. Jekyll watches it. A great
relief comes over him, and he closes his eyes, lifting his
head, as we

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

210 GROUP SHOT - INT. IVY'S PARLOR - DAY 210

Marcia is administering to Ivy's bruises on her shoulders.
Ivy is sobbing, angry and scared. Freddie, Marcia's gentleman
friend, stands by quite aghast.

MARCIA
(shaking her head)
... mmm - this is a bad one.

IVY
(wincing, between the
sobbing)
He's a beast, he is -- a dirty beast --

FREDDIE
Rotten shame. Why don't you run away
from the filthy beggar?

IVY
What's the use? I tried that once.
He found me and -- why he'd kill me
if I tried it again! Only last night
he --

211 BUT SHE STOPS... 211

...terrified, and they all look toward the door as there is
a knock on it.

MARCIA
(bracing herself)
Who is it?

MESSENGER'S VOICE
Special messenger - for Miss Ivy
Pearson.


(CONTINUED)
103.

211 CONTINUED: 211

MARCIA
(to Freddie)
Get it, Freddie.

Freddie nods and WE PAN HIM up the steps to the door, which
he opens, showing messenger. Latter hands him the envelope.

FREDDIE
Any answer?

MESSENGER
No, guv'nor.

Freddie gives the messenger a coin, and comes down, handing
the envelope to Ivy. She opens it, as they watch. She pulls
out a sheaf of bank notes.

IVY
(in wonder)
Look here -!

MARCIA
(picking up and
counting notes)
I say! Fifty pounds.
(looking in envelope)
But there's no letter with it. This
from him...?

FREDDIE
The blighter must've sent it for
what he's done.

IVY
Not him - the rotten skinflint - and
he don't care nohow...

MARCIA
(finding a solution,
practical)
Well - no matter who sent it, it's
here. And it's more than enough to
get you out of the country.

FREDDIE
Jolly good idea! I've got a friend
in Paris who'll be only too glad to --

IVY
(jumping up suddenly,
a little wildly)
No, no! Don't you see? It's a trick -
one of his horrible cat-and-mouse
tricks - just to torture me!
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
104.

211 CONTINUED: (2) 211

IVY (CONT'D)
(starts pacing floor,
holding sides of her
head with both hands)
That's what he hopes I'll do - use
it to run away. I can just see his
pig eyes thinkin' it up. He'll let
me think I've almost got free and
then - You don't know him, I tell
you! I can't stand it any more, I
can't! If I only could do it I'd go
down to the river and --!
(slumps down in chair
again and sobs)

MARCIA
It's her nerves, that's what. She
ought to see a doctor.

FREDDIE
She ought to see one of thos mental
fellers. I know a feller who cured
the mater of the vapors or something.
I'll go and get the address.

DISSOLVE TO:

212 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL AND BEATRIX - INT. HER DRAWING ROOM 212

Beatrix and Jekyll are seated on a couch. They are holding
hands. He cannot take his eyes from her. Beatrix has been
crying.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Ivy receives a large sum of money but believes it is a ploy from Mr. Hyde to torture her. She expresses her fear to friends and is comforted by them.
Strengths
  • intense emotional reactions from Ivy
  • good use of suspense
Weaknesses
  • unclear why Ivy is still staying with Mr. Hyde despite his abuse
Critique There are a few things to critique in this scene.

Firstly, the dialogue feels a bit stiff and unnatural. The exchange between Poole and Jekyll, in particular, feels stilted and lacks any real depth or nuance.

Secondly, the scene jumps from Jekyll dropping a key into boiling lead to an entirely different location with different characters. While the transition is marked by a fade out and fade in, it still feels disjointed and could benefit from a clearer connection or transition.

Lastly, the scene with Ivy, Marcia, and Freddie feels a bit melodramatic and overwrought. Ivy's sudden outburst and refusal to leave with the money she's been given feels forced and not entirely credible.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more naturalistic dialogue and smoother transitions between the different locations and characters.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I would make to improve this scene:

1. Add more conflict: The scene between Poole and Jekyll feels flat and doesn't add much to the story. Consider adding more tension in their conversation, perhaps by having Poole question Jekyll's strange behavior.

2. Use visuals to heighten the drama: The shot of Jekyll dropping the key into the boiling lead is a good example of using visuals to create a sense of relief and closure. Consider adding more shots like this to help the audience understand the emotional impact of the scene.

3. Show, don't tell: Ivy's monologue about her abusive partner feels heavy-handed and exposition-heavy. Consider showing more of her abuse through action and dialogue, rather than telling the audience through her dialogue.

4. Try to add more nuance to the characters: Jekyll and Beatrix's scene feels romanticized and overly sentimental. Consider adding more complexity to their relationship by showing their flaws and imperfections. This will make their connection feel more authentic and relatable.



Scene 36 -  Proposal and Announcement
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
BEATRIX
... but you should have written me.
I should be the first to know when
you are ill. If I'd known you were
that ill I'd have come home at once.

JEKYLL
But, Bee darling - don't you see? I
knew that and I - I didn't know what
to say. I didn't want to worry you...

Beatrix wipes away a last tear, and then puts her hand on
his cheek.

BEATRIX
Oh, my poor lamb - your face looks
so drawn...

Jekyll recaptures her hand.




(CONTINUED)
105.

212 CONTINUED: 212

JEKYLL
(a little anxiously)
But when you look in my eyes - you
see what you've always seen, don't
you?

BEATRIX
(softly, smiling)
Yes... I carried that look all over
the Continent - locked up inside of
me.

JEKYLL
(almost like a vow)
It will always be there - always....
(then, enfolding her
in his arms)
Oh, that's what I wanted to hear!
And now that you're back, I'll never
let you go again. We've got to be
married right away, Bee. I can't --
I can't wait all this time...

BEATRIX
(gently, pleased by
his ardor)
Such a wonderful part of love -- to
be needed that much...

JEKYLL
(seriously)
Need you? I need you more than -
(breaks off, passes
hand over his brow)
While you've been gone - it's been -

BEATRIX
(ecstatically)
But it's all right now. No more
goodbye's for you and me - ever -

JEKYLL
(with an excited laugh)
That's it! Just Hellos!

BEATRIX
Ever and ever. Hello, Dr. Jekyll.

JEKYLL
Oh, Bee --

They kiss, and then he holds her close. Then they turn as
they hear a door closing o.s.



(CONTINUED)
106.

212 CONTINUED: (2) 212

SIR CHARLES' VOICE (O.S.)
(cheery)
Where's my daughter, Hobson?

HOBSON'S VOICE (O.S.)
In the drawing room, sir.

Beatrix and Jekyll rise, Beatrix retains his hand and WE PAN
THEM across the room as they meet Sir Charles entering.

SIR CHARLES
(extending his hand)
Ah! Well, well, Harry....

JEKYLL
(as they shake hands)
I hope I'm welcome again, sir.

SIR CHARLES
Can't think of any reason why you
shouldn't be. How've you been? Beatrix
read me some of your letters.
Interesting.

BEATRIX
Father, Harry won't admit it. But
because he was so upset, he's been
very ill while we were away -

SIR CHARLES
Oh, I'm sorry, my boy - feeling fit
again?

JEKYLL
(grinning)
With Bee back, sir? Well!

BEATRIX
(bluntly but calmly)
And this leads me to speak very
plainly, Father. It's in my heart -
and I must say it. I want to be
married just as soon as possible.

SIR CHARLES
Now, my dear - you know I said that -

BEATRIX
Father, I respect you more than any
girl could. But Harry and I - we've
waited so long. And if you don't
consent, I'll go away with him. I
mean it this time. That's how much
Harry and I are in love, Father...
I'd even hurt you to safeguard it.

(CONTINUED)
107.

212 CONTINUED: (3) 212

SIR CHARLES
(hardly believes his
ears)
Beatrix...!

JEKYLL
(impulsively)
I swear, sir - you'll never have any
regrets.

BEATRIX
It's my whole life, Father. Don't
make me hurt you! Isn't my happiness
reason enough?

SIR CHARLES
(after quite a pause,
gently)
Your happiness is my life, my dear.
(with s smile, holding
out his arms)
All right. Next month it shall be.

Beatrix goes into his arms with a glad cry. Sir Charles holds
her a second, tries to hide a tear. He extends a hand to
Jekyll.

SIR CHARLES
Come to dinner tomorrow, eh, Harry?
I should like to make a formal
announcement to our friends.
Genres: ["romance","drama"]

Summary Beatrix tells her father that she wants to marry Jekyll as soon as possible, even if it means going against his wishes. Sir Charles ultimately agrees and announces their engagement to friends.
Strengths "Emotional and romantic dialogue, character development"
Weaknesses "Lack of significant plot development"
Critique Firstly, the scene is buggy and the formatting is incorrect, indicating a lack of attention to detail. Secondly, the scene lacks depth in dialogue and character development. The dialogue is very superficial and lacks any real conflict or tension. The characters don't have any real depth or complexity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with them or care about their story. Additionally, the scene is overly dramatic and unrealistic, with Beatrix threatening to run away if her father doesn't allow her to get married right away. Overall, the scene needs more work to be a compelling and engaging part of the story.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more dynamic action and added conflict. Here are some suggestions:

- Instead of simply wiping away a tear, have Beatrix react more emotionally to Jekyll's revelation that he's been ill. Perhaps she could stand up and pace the room, voicing her concerns and frustrations with him for not telling her.
- Introduce a new obstacle to the couple's plans to marry, such as a financial or social hurdle that sets up a more compelling conflict. For example, Sir Charles could reveal that Jekyll's family has a checkered past or is in financial trouble, causing Beatrix to reconsider marrying him and Jekyll to struggle with his own feelings of unworthiness.
- Play up Sir Charles' disapproval of the relationship more strongly, making the tension between him and the couple more palpable. He could argue with Beatrix about why Jekyll is not a suitable match for her, bringing up old grudges or prejudices. This could lead to a confrontation that tests the strength of Beatrix and Jekyll's love even further.
- Incorporate more visual details that help to convey the emotional stakes of the scene. For example, as Beatrix and Jekyll kiss, we could see Sir Charles looking on from a distance, his face clouded with worry or sadness. Or, as they make plans for their future together, we could see a shot of Jekyll's cluttered desk or his medicine cabinet, emphasizing the fragility of his health and the risks involved in their relationship.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more tension, conflict, and emotional depth to make the viewer truly invested in the outcome.



Scene 37 -  Jekyll Discovers Ivy's Plight
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
JEKYLL
(wringing his hand,
inarticulate)
Oh, yes, sir - thank you, sir - thank
you -!

DISSOLVE TO:

213 FULL SHOT - FOYER - INT. JEKYLL'S HOUSE 213

Jekyll is coming in, by his key.

JEKYLL
(calling, as he does
so)
Poole - Poole -!

POOLE
(hurrying in)
Oh, yes sir!




(CONTINUED)
108.

213 CONTINUED: 213

JEKYLL
Poole - look at me - I'm
delirious -!

POOLE
What, sir?

JEKYLL
(flinging him his
cape)
I should be put in a straight-jacket,
Poole! Before I make everybody
envious!
(putting his hat on
Poole's head)
But instead I crown you King of the
Gypsies - because you shall be the
first to know! I'm going to be
married, Poole.

POOLE
(his face lighting up)
Oh, splendid, sir. When, sir?

JEKYLL
Next month! Next month she'll be in
this very house - Mrs. Henry Jekyll!
And the walls will turn to cloud
banks - and you'll be taking your
orders from an angel!

POOLE
(removing hat)
I'm so very glad, sir.

JEKYLL
(as we PAN HIM to
side door)
I must get the call list from the
consulting room. You can take it to
Sir Charles. He wants it for the
invitations.

POOLE
(following him)
There's a patient here, sir - without
appointment.

Jekyll opens the door to the consulting room.

214 FULL SHOT - INT. CONSULTING ROOM 214

Jekyll stops full in his tracks, as he sees Ivy sitting there.
She rises from the chair, her strained and worried expression
changing to child-like pleasure and surprise at seeing him.

(CONTINUED)
109.

214 CONTINUED: 214

IVY
Why - why it's you, sir!

POOLE
(behind Jekyll, in
explanation)
This is Miss Pierson, sir.

JEKYLL
(strained)
Yes... yes, Poole. I'll give you the
list later.

POOLE
Very good, sir.

He bows out. Ivy comes slowly toward him.

IVY
So you're the famous Dr. Jekyll?
Now, who'd have thought we'd meet
again like this?
(watches him as he
makes no answer)
I was the one you and your friend
took home that night - remember,
sir?

JEKYLL
(nailed, but striving
for calm)
Why - oh, yes - yes, of course..

IVY
Oh, I'm so glad it's you, sir! You
were so kind and good to me that
night! Maybe you can --

JEKYLL
What - ah - what brought you here,
Miss Pierson?

Ivy is reminded of her plight. With a little sobbing murmur,
she pulls off her coat and slips her shirtwaist off her
shoulder, baring it to him and displaying streaks of welts
and marks.

IVY
There, sir! That's what! Look at
that!
(MORE)




(CONTINUED)
110.

214 CONTINUED: (2) 214

IVY (CONT'D)
(as Jekyll makes no
answer, only stares
with hypnotized horror
at the shoulder)
Pretty, ain't it? Did you ever see a
thing like that before, sir?

JEKYLL
It's - it's horrible...
(then collecting
himself, starts for
desk)
I'll give you some lotion to soothe
that.

But Ivy stops him quickly. She begins to break down more.

IVY
Lotion! It won't be lotions'll do
the trick, sir! No! It's more than
that, sir. I need help, I do! I can't
stand it any more!
(as Jekyll can only
look at her)
It's Hyde, sir - a man I know - Mr.
Hyde, sir! It's him as done it, and
more I can't tell you, sir. He ain't
human, he ain't. He's a beast! He
won't let me go, sir! And I'm afraid
to - I'm afraid to run away....

During this he has slumped down on arm of chair. She continues
to explain.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Jekyll discovers Ivy in his consulting room, and she reveals that she has been attacked by Mr. Hyde and is afraid to escape.
Strengths "The emotional impact of the scene is palpable, especially as Ivy reveals her wounds. Jekyll's reaction to her plea for help and her fear is reflective of his character development so far."
Weaknesses "The scene is somewhat slow-moving and lacks action, mostly consisting of dialogue."
Critique Overall, the scene has good pacing and dialogue that helps move the story forward. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, there are instances where the dialogue feels a bit overly explanatory and could be more natural. For example, when Ivy first sees Jekyll, she says "why it's you, sir!" which feels a bit forced. Similarly, when Jekyll sees Ivy's injuries, he says "it's horrible" which doesn't add much to the scene.

Second, there could be more visual description to enhance the setting and emotions of the scene. For example, when Ivy first sees Jekyll, there could be more description of her expression to convey how surprising and relieving it is for her to see him. Similarly, when Ivy displays her injuries, there could be more description of Jekyll's reaction to further emphasize the horror of the moment.

Overall, the scene has potential, but could be improved with a few tweaks to the dialogue and visual description.
Suggestions While the scene is effective in establishing Ivy's distress and Jekyll's horror and concern, there are a few ways it could be improved:

1. Show more of Jekyll's inner turmoil: Jekyll's struggles with his own duality are a major theme of the story, so it would be helpful to see more of his conflicted emotions as he interacts with Ivy. Does he feel a sense of responsibility, guilt, or even temptation as he looks at her wounds? Does he struggle to keep his Hyde persona at bay?

2. Provide more context for Ivy's situation: While we get a general sense of Ivy's abuse at the hands of Hyde, it would be helpful to know more about the timeline of events and the nature of their relationship. How long has she been in this situation? What has Hyde been doing to her? Providing more details could heighten the sense of urgency and danger.

3. Consider using more evocative language: While the dialogue in the scene is serviceable, it could be more memorable and impactful with some creative word choices. For example, instead of saying "I'm afraid to run away," Ivy could say something like "I'm trapped, sir. Ensnared like a fly in a spider's web." Small details like this could help to elevate the scene and make it more memorable.



Scene 38 -  Ivy Seeks Help
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
IVY
Marcia - she's my girl friend - and
Freddie, Mr. Willoughby - he's her
friend... they says it's my nerves -
and they says as how you know about
such things and could help me, sir.
(then sinking down on
her knees, clinging
to him)
But, oh sir - I can't bear up no
more under it, sir. If - if you can
do nothing for me, then give me some
poison so I can kill myself....

She breaks down completely now and sobs on his lap.




(CONTINUED)
111.

214 CONTINUED: (3) 214

JEKYLL
(in agony - but
guarded, too)
Why didn't you seek help before? Why
didn't you go to the police?

IVY
(looking up at him)
I tell you I'm afraid, sir! You
don't know him, sir. A nice fine
gentleman like yourself wouldn't be
meeting such a person! He ain't a
man - he's a devil! He knows what
you're thinking about, he does!
Why, if he knows I've been here today,
I don't know what he'll do. It won't
be nothin' human, I can tell you!
Oh, please, sir - please help me.
Keep him off -!
(in a lower voice,
hastily - pleading)
I'll do anything you ask, sir - I
ain't as bad as you might think -and -
and men say as I ain't a bad looker
when I'm more myself. You - you liked
me once a little, didn't you, sir?
And you're really such a fine kind
gentleman - honest - that night you
walked out of my place, I laughed at
you - but I didn't laugh after you'd
gone...
(averts her head,
puts her cheek on
his knee)
I kept wishin' you'd come back -
truly, I did...

For a moment, Jekyll stares at her head. And for a flash
second, he seems as though he is about to lean over and
embrace her with the strange look of Hyde battling for
supremacy in his expression. Then he contains himself and
lifts her up, as he stands too.

JEKYLL
I - I give you my word that you will
never be troubled by this man Hyde
again.

IVY
(sobbing anew)
But - but how do you know, sir? He'll
come back! He'll come back and kill
me, sir!



(CONTINUED)
112.

214 CONTINUED: (4) 214

JEKYLL
He'll not come back. I'll see to it.

IVY
But you don't know him, sir. He ain't
human, he ain't!

JEKYLL
(very strong)
I've given you my word - and that I
never break. You'll not see Hyde
again!
(pause, as she looks
at him)
You must believe me.

IVY
(fully convinced)
I believe you, sir. I believe you.

JEKYLL
You - you must go now.

IVY
Yes, sir. Yes, sir..... yes, sir.

She puts on her coat and goes to the door, then turns.

215 CLOSE SHOT - IVY - AT DOOR 215

She looks at Jekyll o.s., puzzled.

IVY
It's funny - but for a moment I
thought -
(then she stops)
Well... goodbye, sir.

She exits.

216 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 216

He reacts to her statement. WE PAN HIM to the mirror where
he examines his face, as we

FADE OUT:




(CONTINUED)
113.

216 CONTINUED: 216

FADE IN:

217 FULL SHOT - REGENT'S PARK - EARLY EVENING 217

It is still light, the shadows long. The birds are twittering.
In the far b.g., through the trees, we see sheep dotting the
greensward.

DISSOLVE TO:

218 FULL SHOT - PARK ENTRANCE 218

Mr. Weller, the Park Keeper, is idling about the entrance as
Jekyll comes gaily into the Park. Jekyll is dressed for the
evening, in tails, cape, silk hat and stick.

JEKYLL
(hailing him gaily)
Mr. Weller, Mr. Weller - good evening!

The Park Keeper falls in beside him as we TRUCK WITH THEM.

PARK KEEPER
Dr. Jekyll! The days keep beautifully
long this time of the year.

JEKYLL
Beautiful - wonderful! How's little
Annie's cough?

PAAK KEEPER
The medicine you gave her done the
trick. She's only whooped twice in a
week!

JEKYLL
Splendid, splendid!
Genres: ["Drama","Horror"]

Summary Jekyll promises to protect Ivy from Mr. Hyde, who had attacked her, and reassures her that she will never be troubled by him again.
Strengths "Good tension and emotional impact with promising character development for Ivy and Jekyll."
Weaknesses "Dialogue can be slightly melodramatic at times."
Critique Overall, this scene feels outdated in its depiction of mental health and suicide. The character of Ivy is reduced to a one-dimensional damsel in distress, whose only options are to seek help from a man or kill herself. There is also a trope of the "nice guy" rescuing a woman in distress and being rewarded for it. This scene could benefit from an updated portrayal of mental health and a more complex understanding of the characters and their motivations.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest the following improvements to this scene:

1. Firstly, the dialogue feels very melodramatic and unnatural. It would benefit from being toned down and made more realistic to better fit with the tone of the rest of the movie.

2. Additionally, the scene feels quite rushed. It might benefit from slowing down the pace of the conversation to give the audience more time to connect with Ivy and understand her situation.

3. It's not entirely clear why Ivy has come to seek out Jekyll's help, or why she is so afraid of Hyde. Including some more backstory or exposition could help to clarify this and make the scene more engaging.

4. Finally, the moment where Jekyll almost embraces Ivy feels like it comes out of nowhere and doesn't really fit with the rest of the dialogue. It could be reworked or removed entirely to make the scene more cohesive.



Scene 39 -  Jekyll's Transformation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
PARK KEEPER
(looking Jekyll up
and down)
You look much brighter yourself, sir -
beggin' your pardon.

WE HOLD as Jekyll stops and turns to the Park Keeper.




(CONTINUED)
114.

218 CONTINUED: 218

JEKYLL
(indicating with stick)
Mr. Weller - across the park, in Sir
Charles Emery's house - is a
beautifully set dinner table. In
exactly two hours -somewhere between
the beautiful smoked salmon and the
beautiful Camembert cheese - Sir
Charles will arise and beautifully
announce the coming marriage of myself
to the most beautiful girl in this
beautiful world!

PARK KEEPER
(grabbing his hand,
pumping it)
Dr. Jekyll - my congratulations! And
all the best to Mrs. Jekyll as is to
be.

JEKYLL
From you, Mr. Weller- that's an omen
for happiness.
(hand on Mr. Weller's
shoulder, in a whisper)
You don't blame me if I hurry?

PARK KEEPER
(calling after him)
God speed, Dr. Jekyll!

JEKYLL
Thank you, Mr. Woller!

He exits o.s., as Mr. Weller beams after him.

219 FULL SHOT - PARK - JEKYLL 219

He walks through a lovely setting, happily swinging his cane.

220 TRUCKING SHOT - JEKYLL 220

He walks along, smiling to himself. He starts to whistle. He
is whistling "Champagne Charlie"! He whistles it with great
volume and vehemence. He suddenly realizes what he is
whistling and stops it, a shadow crossing his face. Then he
smiles again, starts whistling "Drink To Me Only With Thine
Eyes", but before he realizes it, he is whistling "Champagne
Charlie" again. He stops short in his tracks, as he realizes
this. His hand passes over his brow. He tries to walk on,
straightening his shoulders. He seems to feel faint. He looks
about, a little confused, and WE PAN HIM as he goes to a
round bench under a tree and sits down.
115.



221 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - ON BENCH 221

He seems to be trying to get his breath. He rings his finger
around the edge of his collar. Then he contorts a little.
His face suddenly becomes strained and panic-stricken. His
hand goes to his throat. His face starts to contort more,
the lines deepening. With horror, his glance goes to his
hands. WE PAN DOWN. His hand, clutching the bench, is turning
more horribly grotesque than we have ever seen it. WE PAN
BACK UP. Jekyll is now nearing the change to Hyde! He looks
at his other hand. WE PAN DOWN. It is the same as the other.
WE PAN BACK UP to his face. It is almost that of Hyde. He is
in convulsions.

JEKYLL
(with a last desperate
cry)
Bee - Bee, darling -!

Then the writhings and gaspings, their course running quicker
than before. And suddenly, he is Hyde! He looks about,
craftily, viciously. A bird lights on the bench beside him.
He flails his cane at it. It flies away. He thinks a second,
getting his bearings in Evil. Then a thought strikes him.
His eyes glint. He starts to sing "Champagne Charlie" in a
horrible sing-song, swaying manner, and suddenly he gets up
with an animal leap, and WE PAN HIM as he runs leaping across
the green into the b.g., like a gorged buzzard racing for
another piece of carrion, as we --

DISSOLVE TO:

222 CLOSE SHOT - IVY - INT. HER PARLOR - NIGHT 222

She is quite tight, tipsily pouring champagne into a glass,
humming indistinctly to herself. Then she gets an idea and
WE PAN HER to mirror. She raises the glass.

IVY
(with hatred)
Here's hoping that Hyde rots wherever
he is - and burns slow when the time
comes!
(then softly,
passionately)
And here's hoping that Dr. Jekyll
thinks of his Ivy - like I know he'd
like to... like Ivy thinks of him...
'cause he's an angel. Here's to my
angel...

Her glass starts for her lips, when suddenly the door opens,
reflected in the b.g. Hyde stands there, staring at her. Ivy
turns with a gasp of horror and disbelief, drops the glass
to the floor.
116.



223 PAN SHOT - HYDE 223

He comes slowly down the stairs, throwing his hat and stick
on a table, eyeing the frozen Ivy all the while. He starts
across to her.

HYDE
Surprised?

IVY
(shocked to soberness)
Why, sir - I -

HYDE
It couldn't be that you didn't expect
to see me, could it?

IVY
Why, no, sir - I - I've been here
waitin' for you, sir. I -

HYDE
But you're celebrating. What? Some
new event - some change?

IVY
No, sir - I just thought I'd -
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Jekyll struggles to contain his transformation into Hyde and ultimately succumbs to it while Ivy is caught off guard by Hyde's unexpected presence.
Strengths
  • Great tension buildup
  • Strong visual imagery
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be stronger
  • Some inconsistencies in character motivations
Critique The scene starts with good character development, as we see Jekyll interacting with the Park Keeper and showing his excitement for his upcoming marriage. However, the transition to his transformation into Hyde feels a little sudden and rushed. There could be more foreshadowing or build-up to this moment, especially since it's such a critical turning point in the story.

Once Hyde appears, the scene becomes more tense and suspenseful. Ivy's fear of him is well-played, and Hyde's menace is palpable. The dialogue exchange between Ivy and Hyde highlights their power dynamic and adds to the suspense.

Overall, the scene has strong elements but could benefit from more nuance and depth in the way it portrays Jekyll's transformation. The sudden shift to Hyde raises questions about how the transformation works and the extent of Jekyll's control over it. Additionally, there could be more exploration of Jekyll's inner turmoil and why he transforms in the first place.
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene. Firstly, the dialogue between Jekyll and the Park Keeper feels a bit mundane and could be more interesting. Perhaps they could discuss something related to the plot or a theme in the movie. Additionally, Jekyll's sudden transformation into Hyde feels too rushed and abrupt. It would be more effective if there was some indication or foreshadowing of his transformation earlier in the scene. Finally, Ivy's dialogue and behavior could be more nuanced and complex. Instead of simply expressing her hatred for Hyde and her love for Jekyll, she could have more conflicting emotions and motives. This would make her a more interesting character to watch and create more tension in the scene.



Scene 40 -  Hyde Attacks Ivy
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8
HYDE
(fury starting to win
over sarcasm)
Drinking to calm your nerves, perhaps?
It's your nerves, isn't it? Shouldn't
you see a doctor?

IVY
Oh, no, sir.
(going to wine cooler)
Would you like some wine, sir? I'll
get another glass and --

Hyde slaps the bottle from her hand.

HYDE
Jekyll's a good man. Dr. Henry Jekyll --

IVY
(now very startled)
Is - is he, sir? But I don't need
any --

HYDE
A gentleman, too - different than
any man you might know.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
117.

223 CONTINUED: 223

HYDE (CONT'D)
(mimicking)
"A nice fine gentleman like yourself
wouldn't be meeting such a person -"
(as Ivy only stares
at him)
"... I ain't a bad looker when I'm
more myself..."
(as she starts to
back away, he follows
her)
He's the sort of man you get down on
your knees to, isn't he? -- A sweet,
dear, pure man you could believe and
trust...
(suddenly grabs her
wrist viciously)
He's a smug hypocritical coward,
that's what he is!

IVY
You - you couldn't know Dr. Jekyll --
know him intimately. I detest him
intimately -- from his lofty brain
to the soles of his virtuous feet.
And you -

HYDE
(mimicking)
"I'll do anything you ask, sir -"
(snarling again)
Well, you saw the respectable fool!
Clutched his halo and held it
straight, didn't he?

IVY
How - how'd you know all that?

HYDE
Why I know everything you say and
everything you think.

IVY
Then you - you must be truly somethin' -
the devil himself, then... because
Dr. Jekyll wouldn't tell you. He
ain't the kind that would -

HYDE
S-s-h! Would you keep a secret if I
told you? Promise?

IVY
What -?


(CONTINUED)
118.

223 CONTINUED: (2) 223

HYDE
I am Dr. Jekyll. I'm the angel you
want to love and adore.

IVY
(breaks away, back to
wall)
No - no -

HYDE
(wagging his finger
at her - following)
But you don't have to promise. Because
it's such a beautiful secret that
those who share it with me can't go
on living.

IVY
What - what are you going to do?

HYDE
(softly)
How does one usually stop a person
from living?

He makes a lunge at her, but she ducks from under him,
wrenches away from his grasp and, screaming, runs across
room, up the stair. Hyde gives a roar of glee and rage, leaps
over balustrade and intercepts her, as WE PAN. WE PAN BACK
as she runs screaming across the room, trying to get to a
window. Hyde leaps back and grabs her as she reaches divan.

224 EFFECT SHOT - SHOOTING OVER DIVAN 224

Hyde grabs her by the throat, bends her back.

IVY
(wild in her terror)
No - please, sir - I'll sing for
you, I will -
(starts singing)
"Champagne Ivy is my name. Champagne
Ivy is --"

Her voice chokes off.

HYDE
(yelling)
Now! Now you've got what you've
longed for!
(they start sinking
out of sight behind
divan)
Here - with your angel!
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
119.

224 CONTINUED: 224

HYDE (CONT'D)
Embraced in the wings of your angel!
(as we hear Ivy choke
and gasp o.s.)
Leda - loved by her swan..!

After a second there is silence. Hyde gets up gasping. He
looks about, looks back at form below FRAME, and then WE PAN
as he picks up his hat and stick and starts for the door.
O.s. in the hall, we hear inaudible but growing murmurs.

225 FULL SHOT - UPPER HALL AND STAIR WELL 225

An elderly woman and her husband, and a couple of other
tenants are looking fearfully at Ivy's door. Marcia and
Freddie, both in evening dress, are hurrying up the stairs.

WOMAN
(down to them)
Somethin's happened! He's latherin'
the hide off her!
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Hyde attacks Ivy after she discovers his secret identity as Dr. Jekyll. Ivy tries to escape, but Hyde intercepts her and chokes her to death.
Strengths "Strong characterizations of Jekyll and Hyde, tense and emotional tone, high stakes and conflict"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more nuanced and less on-the-nose"
Critique This scene is effective in establishing the menacing character of Hyde and the fear he instills in others, specifically Ivy. The use of dialogue, particularly in Hyde's mocking and mimicking of Jekyll, conveys his anger and instability. The scene has tension and builds to a climax with Ivy's screaming and eventual demise, which leaves the audience on edge. However, there is room for improvement in terms of pacing and characterization. It may be beneficial to flesh out Ivy's character more and give her more agency in the scene, rather than just being a victim of Hyde's violence. Additionally, there could be more action and physicality in the scene to truly capture the horror of Ivy's fate.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more physical description and action to the scene, to make it more visually interesting and dynamic on screen. For example, instead of just having Hyde and Ivy standing and talking, have them move around the room and interact physically. Also, adding more sensory details like sound and lighting can enhance the emotional impact of the scene. Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened up and made more concise for better pacing.



Scene 41 -  Hyde's Rampage
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 9
FREDDIE
(to man above)
Come on - we better pop in and stop
it!

At this moment, Hyde comes out the door on the run, stops as
he sees them.

MAN
Hey, you - what've you been -?

He gets no further as Hyde brushes him aside with a roar,
careens down the stairs to Freddie and Marcia.

WOMAN
Stop him, the dirty -!

Freddie tries to grapple with Hyde, but Hyde knocks him down
with a blow from his cane, and as WE PAN, leaps over the
balustrade with a laugh in time to avoid other tenants who
come rushing up the stairs. In the b.g., below, he ducks out
of the door.

226 FULL PAN SHOT - EXT. STREET 226

Hyde comes out of the door, darts off down the street. A
couple of passers-by turn around and look at him as he leaves
the sidewalk, ducks across in front of a cab, hitting the
horse with his cane so that it rears and plunges, and then
disappears around a corner.

DISSOLVE TO:
120.



227 GROUP SHOT - INT. IVY'S PARLOR 227

We are shooting over back of divan. Marcia, Freddie, and
other tenants are looking horrified down at a constable who
is kneeling over Ivy's body o.s. Marcia, hard Marcia, is
sobbing. Freddie has his handkerchief to a bloody temple.

WOMAN
(in awe)
He done her in! How horrible!

CONSTABLE
(rising)
This here's the work of a friend!

MARCIA
(bursting out)
It was that Hyde did it, I tell you!

The constable turns, jumps to the window, opens it, starts
blowing his whistle vigorously.

DISSOLVE TO:

228 FULL SHOT - EXT. BACK JEKYLL'S LAB. 228

Hyde hurries into scene, looks about with triumphant little
chuckles, as he fumbles in his pockets for the key. WE DOLLY
IN. Then Hyde realizes he has destroyed the key. He tries
the heavy door with his shoulder, tries again. He gives up,
looks around, then WE PAN HIM as he darts along sidewalk to
corner, turns, and disappears.

229 FULL SHOT - AT FRONT CORNER 229

Hyde comes running from back corner full tilt, and WE PAN
HIM, after he peers around front corner of his house, along
front of house to entrance and the door, in far b.g.

230 CLOSE SHOT - AT FRONT DOOR - HYDE 230

He pulls out the wire plunger bell, frantically, then bangs
the heavy brass knocker on the door. He flies into a flurry
of animal rage in his impatience. Then the door opens about
a foot, held in that position by the heavy safety chain
stretching from jamb to door on the inside, and Poole's
startled face peers out. He withdraws a little at the man he
sees.

HYDE
Come - open up, you fool! I'm a friend
of Dr. Jekyll!




(CONTINUED)
121.

230 CONTINUED: 230

POOLE
D-D-Doctor Jekyll isn't at home,
sir...

Poole tries to close door but Hyde pushes his foot in, wedging
it open.

HYDE
Well, that doesn't make any -!
(then recovering)
What difference does that make? He
expects me! He told me to wait for
him, you idiot! Let me in!

POOLE
(firmly)
I know all of Dr. Jekyll's
friends -!

HYDE
Now look here - I'll have no insolent
talk like -

POOLE
You'll have to come back later.

HYDE
You open up or I'll bash this door
in!

POOLE
If you don't go away, I'll send for
the police!

As he says this, he stamps on Hyde's foot. Hyde withdraws
it, allowing Poole to slam the door closed. Then with an
inarticulate growl, Hyde looks about him for something. WE
PAN DOWN AND UP with him, as with superhuman strength, he
wrenches a foot scraper embedded in the brick stoop. He is
just about to use it to jimmy open the door between the handle
and the jamb, when he does a "double take" and looks o.s.

231 LONG SHOT - BOBBIE - HYDE'S ANGLE 231

Far down at the corner, he is just emerging into view,
strolling along the street at right angles to Hyde. He stops
and leans against a light post, folding his arms for a rest.

232 BACK TO HYDE 232

He realizes his plan is futile. He softly lowers the foot
scraper, tiptoes o.s.
122.



233 FULL PAN SHOT - HYDE 233

He scurries out from entrance to his house, and down the
street away from the bobbie.

DISSOLVE TO:

234 FULL SHOT - CHEAP COMMERCIAL SECTION - STREET 234

The street is empty. In the far background, across the street,
we see the skulking figure of Hyde, looking in the various
shops as he hurries along.

235 CLOSE PAN SHOT - HYDE 235
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Hyde viciously attacks tenants, kills Ivy, and faces off against Poole. He attempts to break into Jekyll's lab but fails and resorts to wandering the streets in a state of rage.
Strengths "The scene is highly suspenseful and showcases Hyde's violent and dangerous tendencies."
Weaknesses "The scene is extremely dark and disturbing. The violence against Ivy and the tenants could be problematic for some viewers."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with clear action and dialogue. There is a clear sense of urgency and tension with Hyde's escape from the building, as well as his attempt to get into Jekyll's house. The use of descriptions such as "careens down the stairs" and "triumphant little chuckles" adds to the characterization of Hyde's wild and unpredictable behavior. The dialogue flows naturally and conveys the urgency of the situation.

However, there are some areas where this scene could be improved. The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions of the surroundings to create a clearer image in the reader's mind. Also, more sensory details such as smells and sounds could be added to create a more immersive experience.

Overall, this scene is well-written with clear action and dialogue, but could benefit from more vivid descriptions to create a more immersive experience.
Suggestions The scene could be improved by providing more clarity and specificity in the action and dialogue. Consider adding more descriptive language and action beats to guide the actors and director in bringing the scene to life. Additionally, focusing on character development could make the scene more engaging - what is motivating Hyde's behavior? What are Marcia and Freddie feeling in the moment and how does that reflect on their character arcs? Finally, the scene could be tightened to move the action along and maintain the audience's attention.



Scene 42 -  Hyde's Robbery and Family Troubles
  • Overall: 8.9
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
He seems to be searching for a certain shop, passing a
butcher's, a shoemaker's, a wine shop, a plumbing shop, notion
store, etc., peering into each with a sort of desperation.
Finally, o.s. ahead of him, he sees what he wants. His face
lights up. He is just about to start for it, when he looks
down the street o.s., from where we hear the sound of trotting
hooves. He ducks into a dark recess, watches.

236 PAN SHOT - HIS ANGLE - TWO MOUNTED BOBBIES 236

They trot down the street, looking this way and that.

237 BACK TO HYDE 237

He watches them o.s., as the sound of their horses' hooves
disappears. Then WE DOLLY AND PAN HIM as he hurries a few
paces down the black street until he comes opposite a store
window which reads: "Grundy & Co. Stationery Supplies". He
peers in the window.

238 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE'S ANGLE - STATIONERY, INK AND PENS. 238

They are on display.

239 BACK TO HYDE 239

He tries the door of the shop; of course, it isn't open. He
looks about, sees a newspaper rack - a heavy wooden standard -
seizes it, raises it above his head and smashes the window
with it. He reaches in and snags paper, ink bottle, pen.
Envelopes and paper scatter over the walk. Almost immediately,
a light goes on in back of the store as a door opens and a
man and his wife and an older woman rush into the front part
of store. Hyde is now scooting up the sidewalk toward the
b.g. The store folk come out, in nightclothes, viewing the
wreckage, spying Hyde darting up the street.

OLD WOMAN
(screaming)
There he goes -!

(CONTINUED)
123.

239 CONTINUED: 239

MAN
(still sleepy, running
about in circles)
This ain't no place to rob...

YOUNGER WOMAN
(yelling)
But robbed it is -!
(calling up street)
Help - police!
(viewing shattered
glass)
Ooo, the window - and just been
cleaned, too!

DISSOLVE TO:

240 FULL SHOT INT. FOYER - SIR CHARLES' HOME 240

The last of the guests are just taking their leave, men being
helped on with their capes by a couple of footmen. Atmosphere
is strained. Ad lib: (sotto voce) "A bit odd, isn't it...
I've heard strange things about this young Jekyll... after
all, that affair at the embassy... felt so sorry for poor
Beatrix." WE PAN ACROSS this to pick up Sir Charles and
Beatrix in the far b.g., bidding goodnight to a weezy old
bloke. Lanyon is staying behind, hovering in the b.g.

241 GROUP SHOT - AROUND SIR CHARLES AND BEATRIX - DRAWING ROOM 241

UNCLE GEOFFREY
(the wheezy old bloke)
Goodnight, Charles.

SIR CHARLES
(keeping up appearances)
Goodnight, Geoffrey...

UNCLE GEOFFREY
(to Beatrix)
Sorry your young man was detained,
my dear.

BEATRIX
(very strained)
So am I, Uncle Geoffrey. It must
have been a matter of life or death -

UNCLE GEOFFREY
(uncomfortable, sensing
strain)
Of course. These doctors... never
can call their soul their own...



(CONTINUED)
124.

241 CONTINUED: 241

He goes o.s. Lanyon, Sir Charles and Beatrix are all
uncomfortable, as they watch him go. Hobson, the butler,
appears coming from the b.g., wearing top coat and carrying
his bowler.

HOBSON
(conscious of last
people leaving in
foyer, in a low voice)
I talked to Poole. Dr. Jekyll left
the house at seven to come here.
He's very worried, sir.

BEATRIX
(to Sir Charles)
There - you see, Father? There must
be something more than what you -

SIR CHARLES
(looking at Beatrix,
directly)
That is all, Hobson. Thank you.

HOBSON
(exiting o.s.)
Yes, sir.

WE DOLLY INTO GROUP as Hobson leaves. Sir Charles looks at
Beatrix.

BEATRIX
(bursting out)
Father, darling - don't look that
way -!

SIR CHARLES
(gently)
My dear - I forbid you to see that
man again...

BEATRIX
(anguished)
I'll disobey you, Father... why I
won't even have to disobey you!
Harry will come to me. Don't make a
scene out of this. You know there
must be a reason why he wasn't
here -!

DR. LANYON
(uncomfortable)
Sir Charles - if you'll excuse me -
it's late and I rather think I'd
better -
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Hyde robs a stationery shop and causes a commotion, while Sir Charles, Beatrix, and Dr. Lanyon have an uncomfortable conversation about Jekyll's absence and Beatrix's relationship with Harry.
Strengths "The scene maintains the suspense and darkness of the story while also bringing attention to the personal relationships and struggles of the characters."
Weaknesses "The scene may not be as action-packed or thrilling as others in the story, and the robbery may seem like a detour from the main plot."
Critique The scene is adequately written, but there are a few improvements that can be made to make it stronger and clearer. Firstly, it can benefit from some more descriptive language to draw the audience in, particularly during Hyde's search for the shop and the subsequent chase. The dialogue also feels a bit stiff and could benefit from more naturalistic and varied language.

Additionally, it's not entirely clear what's driving Hyde to rob the stationery shop and why it's so important to him. Adding more context or motivation behind his actions can make it clearer and more impactful for the audience.

Overall, the scene has potential, but could use some improvements in writing and clarity to make it more engaging for the audience.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, my suggestions to improve this scene would be as follows:

1. Provide clearer motivation for why Hyde is searching for the stationery supplies store. This will make the scene more engaging and help to keep the audience interested.

2. Show the consequences of Hyde's actions. It's currently unclear what happens after he smashes the window and steals the supplies. By showing the aftermath of his crime, the audience will be more invested in the outcome of the scene.

3. Add more tension to the scene. Currently, there is not much suspense or anticipation built up before the arrival of the mounted bobbies. By adding more foreshadowing and hinting at the danger that may be coming, the audience will be more engaged.

4. Consider adding more dialogue between characters to flesh out their relationships and motivations. This will help to deepen the characters and make the scene more engaging.

5. Be more descriptive in the action lines to help visualize the scene and create a more immersive experience for the audience. For example, instead of "He watches them o.s.", it could be "He peeks out from behind a corner, his heart racing as he watches the mounted bobbies pass by." By adding more descriptive language, the scene will come to life in a more vivid and exciting way.



Scene 43 -  The Package
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
(CONTINUED)
125.

241 CONTINUED: (2) 241

BEATRIX
John - don't - we've nothing to hide
from you - from anybody. You're
Harry's friend - and mine -!

SIR CHARLES
(almost shouting)
Beatrix -!

BEATRIX
(her chin up)
Yes -?

SIR CHARLES
Please go to your room!

BEATRIX
Father, I -!

SIR CHARLES
(sternly)
You spoke yesterday of safeguarding
your happiness. You must admit you've
failed in that tonight. Now it's up
to me. Go to your room!

BEATRIX
(after a tense pause)
Very well, Father. But, tomorrow,
Harry will have an explanation. I
know that. And then I might be forced
to hurt you - very deeply....

With this, she turns, as WE PAN HER toward the stairs, and

DISSOLVE TO:

242 FULL SHOT - INT. HALL - LANYON'S HOUSE 242

Lanyon is just letting himself in with his key. Briggs, his
man, hurries in from the back of the house.

BRIGGS
Oh, yes sir -
(as he takes Lanyon's
hat, he picks up an
envelope from the
console)
There was a ring at the door a short
while ago, sir. I answered but there
was nobody there. I found this
envelope had been pushed under....

Lanyon takes it quickly, opens it. Two keys are inside, with
a note.
126.



243 CLOSE SHOT - LETTER - IN LANYON'S HAND JOHN - 243

I am in frightful trouble. I beg you to do what I ask.
Enclosed is the key to my laboratory, and one to the cabinet
marked D. Go there at once and get the vials marked A M S
and Z and bring them to your house. Remain there alone. At
midnight a man will call for the package. Give it to him. In
the name of Heaven - don't fail me.

Harry.

244 BACK TO LANYON AND BRIGGS 244

DR. LANYON
(after a second's
thought - taking hat
from Briggs)
I'm going out again.

BRIGGS
(following him to the
door)
Very good, sir.

DR. LANYON
(at door)
And, oh yes - I won't need you any
more tonight, Briggs. You may retire.

BRIGGS
(as Lanyon goes out)
Thank you, sir.

DISSOLVE TO:

245 CLOSE SHOT - CABINET D - INT. JEKYLL'S LAB 245

WE PULL BACK just as Lanyon's hand is inserting the key.
Poole is standing by him, puzsled by his mysterious attitude.

POOLE
Is Dr. Jekyll at the hospital? I
could fetch him whatever he wishes,
sir.

DR. LANYON
No...
(he selects from an
array of vials those
marked A, M, S, Z -
looks at them puzzled -
them to Poole)
You don't happen to know, I suppose -
what Dr. Jekyll uses any of these
vials for?

(CONTINUED)
127.

245 CONTINUED: 245

POOLE
(loyally)
I'm sure it's for some of his recent
experiments, sir.

Lanyon finds an empty vial case, starts putting in vials, as
we

DISSOLVE TO:

246 FULL SHOT - EXT. LANYON'S HOUSE 246

He is just about to turn into the walk leading up to the
front door when Hyde jumps out from behind the shadow of a
bush. Lanyon steps back, startled. He holds vial case under
his cloak.

HYDE
(impatiently)
Well, well - have you got it?

DR. LANYON
(gripping his stick)
I beg your pardon. What were you
doing hiding behind that -

HYDE
(in feeble grin of
explanation)
Just - just waiting for you, Dr.
Lanyon. I'm the man from Dr. Jekyll -
the package -
(then more like a
dope fiend)
Where is it? I'll take it now.

DR. LANYON
Step into the house for a moment,
please.

HYDE
No, no - there isn't time - there -!

DR. LANYON
(rather severely)
As Jekyll's friend, I have the right
to ask you a few questions. Come,
sir!

He starts on up the walk. Hyde looks after him wildly, as
though he would like to kill him. Then he follows him. As
they reach the door, we

DISSOLVE TO:
128.



247 PAN SHOT - INT. LANYON'S STUDY - HYDE AND LANYON 247
Genres: ["horror","drama","mystery"]

Summary Dr. Lanyon receives a mysterious letter from Harry asking for help and goes to Jekyll's lab to obtain vials before heading home. Hyde ambushes Lanyon outside his home and demands the package, but Lanyon takes him to his study to ask questions.
Strengths "The scene is tense and full of intrigue, with high stakes as Dr. Lanyon helps out a friend in need. The dialogue and plot keep the audience engaged and invested in the story."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue could be more impactful or memorable."
Critique The scene is well-written and effectively creates tension and suspense. The dialogue is strong, and the characters' motivations are clear. However, as a screenwriting expert, I would suggest that the scene could benefit from some visual descriptions and action lines to help bring it to life on the screen. For example, there could be more detailed descriptions of the characters' movements, expressions, and surroundings to enhance the atmosphere and provide a more immersive experience for the viewer. Additionally, there could be more specific camera directions to help the director effectively capture the emotions and reactions of the characters. Overall, the scene is well-written, but could benefit from some additional visual details to enhance its impact onscreen.
Suggestions One suggestion for this scene would be to give more clarity and context to the events leading up to it. It is difficult to understand the characters' motivations and actions without knowing more about their previous interactions and relationships. Additionally, the dialogue could be polished to make it more natural and authentic, and the descriptions could be improved to create a clearer visual image for the audience. Finally, the transition between scene 241 and 242 is abrupt, and it could benefit from a smoother segue. Overall, the scene would benefit from more development and refinement to make it more engaging and cohesive.



Scene 44 -  Hyde and Lanyon's Showdown
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
Lanyon has just removed his cape and hat in the hall. Hyde
eyes the vial case anxiously, as they walk into the study
and Lanyon goes behind his desk. He turns the lamp on the
desk higher. Hyde keeps his cape on, hat in hand.

HYDE
(as they walk, gruff)
Now come, Lanyon - let's not waste
time with a lot of prying questions.
Give me the -

DR. LANYON
(turning quickly)
I resent your attitude, sir. You
haven't even introduced yourself.

HYDE
(impatiently, twitching)
Hyde's the name. Mr. Hyde. But what
difference does -?

DR. LANYON
Are you an acquaintance of Jekyll?

HYDE
Of course. I'm a friend - an old
friend.
(reaching out his
hand, his voice rising)
But if you even pretend to be his
friend you'll forego your asinine
amenities and let me have that before -

DR. LANYON
Where is Dr. Jekyll?

HYDE
(getting more and
more impatient)
Oh, don't worry - he's alive - he -

DR. LANYON
What's the matter? Is he ill? Is -

HYDE
He'll be perfectly all right, I tell
you!

DR. LANYON
(opening drawer in
desk)
Very well, then. I'll go with you
and see for myself..

(CONTINUED)
129.

247 CONTINUED: 247

As he reaches in drawer, he takes his eyes off Hyde for a
second. The latter leaps across and grabs the vial case from
Lanyon's hand.

HYDE
(as he does so; with
a snarl)
You pretentious fool -!

But his expression changes as Lanyon whips a revolver out of
the drawer and covers him.

DR. LANYON
(evenly)
I warn you, Hyde. If you make one
step toward the door I'll shoot you
right between the eyes.

HYDE
(getting a trapped
feeling)
Now wait a moment, Lanyon - I can't
let you come with me - and I can't
tell you any more than I've already -

DR. LANYON
Why not?

HYDE
Because - well -
(then shouting)
I warn you not to stick your nose
into this! You better let me go,
Lanyon! You can ask Jekyll all about
it tomorrow if you want to!

DR. LANYON
You'll take me to Harry Jekyll this
minute!

HYDE
(screaming his
impotence)
For the last time, Lanyon - let me
out of here - alone!

DR. LANYON
For the last time - no!

HYDE
(wildly)
All right then! Let it be on your
own head!



(CONTINUED)
130.

247 CONTINUED: (2) 247

With a wild laugh, he takes out the vials and starts mixing
them. Lanyon watches this, puzzled, thinking him completely
mad. When the potion is all mixed, Hyde picks up the glass
and faces Lanyon. The potion boils and steams a little.

HYDE
Once more - will you let me take
this glass and leave?

DR. LANYON
(tense, still with
revolver)
No. This will be seen through to the
end.

HYDE
You'd better think again, Lanyon. Do
you want to live on as you have...
lulled in your blissful cocoon of
ignorance? Or do you want that safe
peace of mind - your reason even -
blasted by a sight that would shock
the lowest fiend in the Inferno?

DR. LANYON
(getting an awful
feeling, but game)
You can't persuade me with all that
mad babbling! Whatever you're going
to do - get on with it!

HYDE
Very well, Lanyon. But remember your
vows to your profession. You'll see
a secret you are sworn not to
reveal...you who have sneered at the
powers of science - you who have
laughed at man's ability to dissect
his own soul! Watch this, you pompous
ass! Watch this!

248 HE HOLDS THE GLASS HIGH... 248

...then drains it. Immediately he goes into his gasping
contortions, falls back into a chair. As the metamorphosis
from Hyde to Jekyll takes place, Lanyon watches it in horror.
With a final gasp, Jekyll finally leans back in his chair,
exhausted.

249 FULL SHOT - ROOM - TABLEAU - WEIRD LIGHT 249

As Lanyon stands watching, transfixed, the gun falling to
the desk.
131.



250 CLOSE SHOT - LANYON 250
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Hyde demands a package from Lanyon, who refuses to give it up until he knows Jekyll's whereabouts. Hyde grabs the vial case from Lanyon, but Lanyon pulls out a revolver and covers him. Hyde tries to persuade Lanyon to let him go alone, but Lanyon insists on going with him and seeing for himself, prompting Hyde to take out the vials and drink a potion that transforms him from Hyde to Jekyll. Lanyon watches in horror as the transformation takes place.
Strengths "Intense and well-paced scene that drives the plot forward and adds to the themes of the story. Dialogue is effective in building tension and reveals character motivations."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels a bit contrived, particularly Hyde's speech about revealing secrets that Lanyon is sworn not to reveal."
Critique This scene has good tension and conflict between the characters, particularly between Hyde and Lanyon. There are some effective moments of suspense, such as when Lanyon pulls out the revolver, and also when Hyde mixes the potion. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit unrealistic, particularly the overly dramatic speech about sneering at the powers of science. Additionally, the action in the scene could benefit from a bit more description, particularly with regards to the body language and facial expressions of the characters. Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from some fine-tuning.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Increase the tension and stakes in the scene by establishing why Hyde needs the vials and why Lanyon is so invested in stopping him. Right now, it's not clear why Lanyon would be willing to risk his own life to prevent Hyde from taking the vials, other than to simply protect Jekyll.

- Provide more visual description of the characters and their actions. The scene could benefit from more detail about how Hyde and Lanyon physically interact with each other and how they move around the room.

- Develop the character of Hyde further. It's not clear why he's so desperate to get the vials or what his motivations are beyond his desire to take the potion. Providing more insight into his character would make him a more compelling and interesting antagonist.

- Add more emotional beats to the scene. Right now, the dialogue is very functional and focused on moving the plot forward. However, adding more moments of emotional intensity between the characters, such as anger, fear, and desperation, would make the scene more engaging for the audience.



Scene 45 -  Jekyll's Confession
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 9
As he sinks into chair, opposite Jekyll.

DR. LANYON
(to himself)
Horrible...

251 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 251

He looks at Lanyon o.s., in mute appeal for a moment.

JEKYLL
(finally)
I warned you, John - even as Hyde, I
warned you...

252 TWO SHOT - LANYON AND JEKYLL 252

DR. LANYON
You - you mean those experiments -
they -?

JEKYLL
(nodding)
Yes, John...

Lanyon gets up and starts pacing nervously, as Jekyll watches
him.

DR. LANYON
It's sheer horror... I can't believe
it...
(stops in front of
Jekyll)
You see what you've done, don't you.
You've gone beyond - you've tampered
with - you've committed the supreme
blasphemy!

JEKYLL
(in great anguish
from here on)
I know - I know...

DR. LANYON
You must destroy the formula, do you
hear?

JEKYLL
I've done that.

DR. LANYON
But you must destroy it from your
mind! You must never take it again!

(CONTINUED)
132.

252 CONTINUED: 252

JEKYLL
know - but this evening - on my way
to - on my way to Sir Charles'...
you see, I always thought I could
control it, John - but this evening -
the change - the change to this -
this monster Hyde - happened without
anything - without -

He stops, unable to go on, covers his face with his hands.

DR. LANYON
(in awe) I)
T's diabolical...

JEKYLL
And it might happen again -
(lifts his face to
Lanyon, and pounds
chair arm with his
fist)
But I'll fight it! I'm going to fight
it -!
(then stops with a
sudden remembrance,
his face growing
blank with a new
horror)
Oh -!

He rises suddenly, walks across the room.

DR. LANYON
(watching him)
What -?

JEKYLL
I'm a murderer, John. A murderer!
(looking about wildly)
I who wanted to serve the living!

DR. LANYON
You mean you actually -?

JEKYLL
Yes! Tonight! There was a girl - a
poor beaten girl that I - that he
knew... and I went to her - and choked
her to death -
(incredulously looking
at his hands)
- choked out her life with these -
no, not with these hands - not with
these hands -!


(CONTINUED)
133.

252 CONTINUED: (2) 252

He sinks down into a chair again, covering his face, trying
to keep from hysteria. Lanyon walks to the fireplace, looks
into the flames.

DR. LANYON
Harry - Man cannot flaunt the Divinity
of Man without being eternally
damned...
(turns to Jekyll,
with quiet abruptness)
- what about Beatrix? Have you thought
of her?

JEKYLL
(he looks up slowly,
in a dull voice)
I'll have to give her up, of course...
(then, his hysteria
mounting)
I've known it all along - I'll have
to face it now - now when I need her
most - but I'll give her up! I promise
I will!
(now dropping to hoarse
pleading)
But John, after that I'll need more
help than ever. You can help me. You
must help me! I must win over this
thing! I must -

He stops as he realizes that Lanyon is looking at him with a
mixture of unrolenting condemnation and pity. He realizes he
is up against the inovitable. He chokes, buries his face in
his hands again, as we

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

253 UPPER HALL - JEKYLL'S HOUSE - NEXT MORNING 253

Poole comes up the steps, carrying a morning paper and a
tray of tea. As he walks, he reads the paper, uttering
clucking noises and shaking his head. We PAN HIM to Jekyll's
bedroom door. He opens it.

254 FULL SHOT - INT. JEKYLL'S BEDROOM 254

Jekyll, in his dressing gown, is leaning against the window,
looking out as Poole enters. The bed is turned down but not
slept in.

255 CLOSE SHOT - POOLE 255

As he enters, he looks at Jekyll o.s., and then at bed o.s.
134.



256 CLOSE SHOT - BED - POOLE'S ANGLE 256

It is just as he turned it down last night.
Genres: ["horror","drama"]

Summary Jekyll confesses his horrific transformation to Lanyon and reveals that he committed murder as Hyde. He is overwhelmed with guilt and desperation.
Strengths "Powerful confession scene that reveals the full depth of Jekyll's guilt and desperation. "
Weaknesses "Minimal action and visual interest in the scene, which may be a bit slow paced for some viewers."
Critique This scene is a powerful and effective portrayal of Jekyll's descent into darkness and the consequences of his actions. The dialogue is well written, with strong emotional beats that drive the tension and the plot forward. The dynamic between Jekyll and Lanyon is particularly effective, highlighting the conflict between science and morality. The use of visual narration through Poole's actions also adds to the scene's pacing and impact. My only critique would be to potentially work on varying the characters' physical movement and adding more sensory details to fully immerse the audience in the scene.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more visual elements to the scene, as it is heavy with dialogue. Perhaps Jekyll could be shown in a more distraught state, pacing back and forth or throwing objects in frustration. This would add more tension and urgency to the scene. Additionally, showing flashbacks or cutaways to the murdered girl could heighten the sense of guilt and horror felt by Jekyll. Finally, adding more sensory details, such as descriptions of the room or the sounds of Jekyll's heavy breathing or Lanyon's pacing, could make the scene more immersive for the audience.



Scene 46 -  Jekyll's Confession
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8
257 BACK TO POOLE 257

He looks from the bed to Jekyll o.s.

258 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL 258

He feels Poole's hesitancy.

JEKYLL
(worn and haggard
looking)
Just put the tray down, Poole.

259 PAN SHOT - POOLE - WITH TRAY 259

He walks over to the bedside table.

POOLE
Yes, sir.
(puts paper down with
tray)
I don't know what things are coming
to, sir. If you'll forgive me - there
was the most ghastly murder in Diadem
Court last evening. A poor girl was -

260 FULL SHOT - ROOM 260

JEKYLL
(suddenly shouting) P)
Oole! Will you get out?

POOL
(shocked and puzzled)
Oh, yes sir. Very good, sir.

Poole retires, yet stopping to look back at Jekyll with a
worried look. When Poole has gone, Jekyll's eye goes to the
paper. He can't help himself. He goes over and picks it up.

261 CLOSE SHOT - HEADLINE AND STORY - IN JEKYLL'S HAND 261

GIRL MURDERED BY MONSTER Witnesses Tell of Beast Last evening
a man known only as "Hyde" and "an evil monster" by tenants
at --

262 BACK TO JEKYLL 262

He throws the paper from him. He sits down on the bed, grabs
the post, and raises his gaze upwards. He is in lonely
anguish.

(CONTINUED)
135.

262 CONTINUED: 262

JEKYLL
(praying)
This I did not intend. I thought I
was serving You. I saw a light - but
I did not realize it led only to
Darkness. Forgive me. Help me to -

He cannot go on, knowing he has lost the right even to ask
for help. His eyes close, and he leans his head against the
post, as we

DISSOLVE TO:

263 FULL SHOT - JEKYLL - EXT. SIR CHARLES' HOUSE - NIGHT 263

He comes hesitantly along the walk, stick in hand, the lights
from the house illuminating his drawn and agonized expression.
His pace slackens as he turns in through the grilled iron
gate as WE PAN and he walks toward the front door in the
b.g.

264 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - EXT. FRONT DOOR 264

He can hardly bring himself to pull the bell plunger. Suddenly
he is aware of the dim sound of a piano o.s. He realizes
that Beatrix is playing. WE PAN HIM as he walks down the
front of the house to the end of the "side" garden.

265 FULL SHOT - FORMAL SIDE GARDEN 265

Jekyll comes around the corner of the house and walks across
a small flagged veranda which leads from French windows of
the drawing room to the flower garden. The garden centers
about a small fountain and is set off with flower-bed patterns
and marble benches.

266 266 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - EXT. FRENCH DOORS 266

He peers through them in the b.g. We see Beatrix playing the
piano, a sad and worried expression on her face. Back of
her, and to one side, Sir Charles nods in a chair over a
paper.

267 CLOSE SHOT - JEKYLL - REVERSE ANGLE 267

We are on his tortured countenance for a second as he looks
o.s. at Beatrix. He half raises his hand as though to call
her attention by the movement.
136.



268 FULL SHOT - BEATRIX - OVER JEKYLL'S SHOULDER THROUGH FRENCH 268
DOORS

She suddenly sees him. She falters in her playing for a
second. Jekyll puts his finger to his lips. She continues
playing and finishes her piece very softly, watching Sir
Charles over her shoulder, who by now is quite asleep. Then
she gets up and hurries as quickly as possible without making
any noise to the French doors, opens them, and comes out to
Jekyll, closing the doors quietly.

BEATRIX
(seeing his strained
look)
Harry - dearest -

JEKYLL
(nodding toward garden)
Will you come out - where we can
talk?

She gives him a worried look, and then precedes him out into
the garden.

269 MED. SHOT - BEATRIX AND JEKYLL 269

As they come into SCENE, near a marble bench. He is greatly
agitated. He doesn't know where to begin. Beatrix sits down
on the bench. She indicates the place beside her.

BEATRIX
Sit down, darling - what's happened?
What's wrong?

Jekyll sits down, staring at the ground, wringing his hands.
For a moment, there is silence between them.

JEKYLL
(bursting out suddenly)
Bee -- I - I've been thinking --
about us. I think your father's been
right all along....

BEATRIX
About what?

JEKYLL
I - I don't think we should ever
marry, that's all. I - I realized
it, last night. And - and I think
you ought to break it off.




(CONTINUED)
137.

269 CONTINUED: 269
Genres: ["drama","horror"]

Summary Jekyll confesses to Lanyon about his transformation into Hyde and murder as Hyde
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling plot development
Weaknesses
  • Somewhat predictable dialogue
Critique As a screenwriting expert, here is my critique of the scene:

The scene has clear action and dialogue, though the pacing is uneven. The transitions between dialogue and action are abrupt, and some of the character motivations are not fully explored. For example, Jekyll's sudden outburst about his relationship with Beatrix seems to come out of nowhere and lacks proper build-up. Additionally, the scene could use more visual description to enhance the mood and tone. It's a good start, but it needs further refinement to effectively convey the emotions of the characters and drive the story forward.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the characters and their relationship more. The scene feels rushed and doesn't give enough context for why Jekyll has come to this decision. Adding more earlier scenes between Jekyll and Beatrix, and giving more insight into their personalities and dynamics, would make this scene more impactful.

2. Rewrite the dialogue to be more natural and sincere. Some of the lines feel forced and melodramatic, and would benefit from a more authentic and intimate tone.

3. Include more description of the setting and characters' actions. This would help to create a clearer picture of the emotions and atmosphere of the scene, and make it more engaging for the reader.

4. Consider adding more conflict and tension. The scene is largely one-sided, with Jekyll telling Beatrix his decision and her reacting to it. Adding more pushback from Beatrix, as well as more internal conflict for Jekyll, would make the scene more dynamic and emotionally charged.



Scene 47 -  Paradise Lost
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 9
BEATRIX
(slowly, unable to
believe)
What are you trying to tell me, Harry?
You don't know what you're saying...
look at me -!

JEKYLL
(his face averted)
Really, Bee --

BEATRIX
(pulling his shoulders
around)
Look at me, darling -!

JEKYLL
I mean - no matter how perfect things
seem at first - people make mistakes,
sometimes.

BEATRIX
(tears welling in her
eyes)
But, Harry...
(then, with the
horrible thought)
Oh... I see. You don't want me. You
don't love me any more. Is that it?
(stifling a sob)
Are you telling me you don't want
me?

JEKYLL
(wildly, breaking)
Want you? I love you and want you
more than --
(rises quickly, walks
away)
But I'm giving you up, do you hear?
I'm not worth even the sound of your
name!

Beatrix gets up and hurries to him as WE PAN.

BEATRIX
Oh, my darling - what's wrong? Tell
me!

JEKYLL
I've no right to you - I've thrown
it away!

BEATRIX
Nothing's done that can't be --

(CONTINUED)
138.

269 CONTINUED: (2) 269

JEKYLL
But it's done! I've destroyed paradise -
Our paradise -

BEATRIX
(the mother now)
Oh - you are ill - tell me what's
really wrong! Don't keep it pent up
inside. You've always said we could
discuss anything between us.

JEKYLL
There are things you can't voice in
Heaven. Just believe me...
(turning his back to
her)
You're giving me up, do you hear? Go -
go inside - now - while I can't see
you -!

BEATRIX
(turning him half to
her)
Darling - it's all right. Just take
me in your arms.

JEKYLL
Oh, don't my angel! Angel - Angel of
Heaven, don't say any more -!

BEATRIX
(putting her arms
around him)
There - there, darling - hold me
close. Don't think of anything - of
whatever it is - just hold me a
minute.

JEKYLL
(pulling her hand
from him)
No! No - I can't! I'd give my soul
to -- but I have no soul!
(he clenches his fist
and covers his face
with the other hand,
bowing his head)
I'm like -
(he pauses, searching
for the word)
- like the living dead...!

Beatrix now enfolds him in her arms again. His head rests on
her shoulder. His arms go around her, weakened for a moment
in his anguish.

(CONTINUED)
139.

269 CONTINUED: (3) 269

BEATRIX
(soothingly)
Oh, my poor dear suffering love. Be
quiet... s-s-h-don't say any more.

JEKYLL
(sobbing)
Oh, Bee - my darling -!

BEATRIX
(softly)
Rest now... rest...

They are quiet for a second. Then Jekyll lifts his head
quickly and starts as if to leave.

BEATRIX
(trying to hold him,
panicky)
I won't let you go. You love me - I
won't let you go.

JEKYLL
(his voice rising)
That's why I'm giving you up! Because
I'll love you till the end of time!
(raising his gaze
aloft, as he backs
away, Beatrix staring
after him aghast
that he is going,
that she can't hold
him)
This is my proof! This is my penance!

He turns and walks hurriedly o.s.

BEATRIX
(starting after him,
then stops)
Harry - come back - Harry --

She then breaks into violent sobs, falters, and sinks to the
ground, prone.
140.



270 FULL SHOT - END OF GARDEN 270
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary Jekyll breaks up with Beatrix because of the guilt and despair that comes with being Hyde. Beatrix tries to comfort him but he insists on leaving her.
Strengths "Strong emotional exchange between the two characters"
Weaknesses "Lack of clarity and specificity about what Jekyll is dealing with"
Critique As a screenwriting expert, there are several issues with this scene:

1. Lack of specificity: The dialogue relies heavily on vague statements, such as "Look at me" and "You don't want me," that do not provide enough detail or depth to fully understand the characters' emotions and motivations.

2. Melodramatic tone: The dialogue and actions of the characters feel over-the-top and exaggerated, which may come across as artificial and lacking in authenticity.

3. Lack of character development: The characters' actions and motivations are not fully explored or explained, which makes it difficult to care about them or become invested in their story.

4. Lack of visual interest: The scene lacks visual interest, relying on simple back-and-forth dialogue without incorporating any unique visual or sensory elements to enhance the story.

Overall, this scene would benefit from more specific and nuanced dialogue, greater character development, and visual elements that help bring the story to life.
Suggestions The emotions and dialogue in this scene are quite intense, but there are a few changes that could be made to improve it.

Firstly, the character's names are a bit confusing. It's not clear who is speaking at times, so it would be helpful to add character tags to indicate who is speaking. For example, instead of "BEATRIX" and "JEKYLL," it could be "BEATRIX (sobbing)" and "JEKYLL (wildly)."

Secondly, there is a lot of repetition of dialogue, particularly in Beatrix's lines. This could be condensed to make the dialogue more concise and impactful.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more visual signals of the characters' emotions. Perhaps Beatrix could grab onto Jekyll's arm when she insists that he look at her, or he could take a deep breath before confessing his love to her. These visual cues could help convey the characters' emotions to the audience more effectively.

Overall, this scene has a lot of potential for emotional impact, but could benefit from some tweaking in terms of clarity and concision.



Scene 48 -  The Escape of Hyde
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
Jekyll is hurrying toward the CAMERA. In the b.g., Beatrix
is sobbing on the ground. WE PAN Jekyll as he comes around
the side of the house and stops. O.s. he hears her sobbing,
faintly. He is terribly tempted to go back. He half turns
and looks. He cannot stand the sight of what he sees. He
leans in weary torture against the side of the house, closing
his eyes. Suddenly a look of horror comes over his face. He
looks down at his hands. WE PAN DOWN to see his hand starting
to change. WE PAN UP to Jekyll's face. He looks down at his
other hand. His throat starts to constrict, his face to
change.

JEKYLL
(wildly, looking up)
Oh - no - no - don't let me - save
me - don't let me -!

But the metamorphosis is well on its way.

271 CLOSE SHOT - BEATRIX 271

She still lies on the ground, sobbing. Then, Jekyll's feet
and legs appear slowly in the SCENE. They stand right next
to her. She is aware of them. With a little sob, she half
rises, reaches out and enfolds the legs, pressing her cheek
against the knees.

BEATRIX
(murmuring)
Oh, you did come back... Oh, my
darling....

For answer there is an ugly chuckle o.s. Hyde's hands come
down into the frame and clutch her arms. Beatrix in
puzzlement, and then in dawning horror reacts to the chuckle
and the hands. In almost the same moment, Hyde lifts her up
and she is face to face with him. For a second, she is frozen
with fright, then screams as Hyde's face bends towards hers.

BEATRIX
(after her scream)
Father! Father..!

Hyde laughs wildly and starts to struggle with Beatrix.
141.



272 FULL PAN SHOT - SIR CHARLES 272

He is coming out of the drawing room on a dead run. WE PAN
HIM over to Beatrix and Hyde. Hyde drops Beatrix who faints
and slips to the ground. Sir Charles makes a gallant lunge
at Hyde, but Hyde sends him reeling against the wall. Then
with a wild animal laugh he leaps for his hat and stick. Sir
Charles, however, recovers in time to intercept his progress
around the fountain.

SIR CHARLES
(calling)
Help! Hobson - call the police!
Help -!

Hyde raises his stick and lays it across Sir Charles' head.
Sir Charles stumbles back and falls to the ground. Hyde leaps
on top of him like a panther, and bashes the stick against
Sir Charles' head three or four times in rapid succession.
The stick breaks with a final sickening blow. In the b.g.
Hobson and a footman come hurrying from the drawing room.

FOOTMAN
Here - what's going on -!

They spy Hyde and come after him. Hyde gets up and WE PAN
HIM the length of the garden on the run. Hobson kneels beside
Sir Charles' prostrate body as the footman gives chase after
Hyde around the corner of the house.

273 FULL SHOT - FRONT GATE 273

Hyde comes running from the garden. He stops for a second
and looks up the street.

274 EFFECT SHOT - JEKYLL'S ANGLE 274

A constable comes around the corner on the run, dimly
discernible under a gas light.

275 BACK TO HYDE 275

He runs o.s. down the street in the opposite direction just
as the footman appears and the constable comes running up.

FOOTMAN
(pointing in direction
of Hyde)
There he goes! It's the monster!

The constable runs o.s. after Hyde, blowing his whistle.
142.



276 FULL SHOT - MEWS 276

Hyde comes tearing down in toward camera. In a second, the
constable appears after him. Another man or two, passers-by
at the far entrance, take up the chase. Hyde leaps over a
fence. When the constable arrives at fence, he blows his
whistle again.

277 FULL SHOT - ANOTHER CONSTABLE - AT CORNER 277

He reacts to distant whistle, runs for it o.s.

278 LONG SHOT - HYDE - ANOTHER STREET 278

He runs past camera into b.g. A small group of idlers are
standing at the corner. They block his progress and he bowls
through them, knocking a couple down. Ad lib yells of surprise
and anger.

279 REVERSE SHOT - STREET 279

The two constables come in chase, followed by more people.

1ST CONSTABLE
Stop that man!

280 GROUP SHOT - AT CORNER 280

As constables come running up.

1ST MAN
(pointing)
That way, constable!

WE PAN AND PICK UP Hyde, his cape flying, leaping down the
street in the b.g. The rest give chase.

281 FULL PAN SHOT - HYDE - JEKYLL'S STREET 281

He comes flying along and darts up the walk to the house.
O.s. comes the sound of the constable's whistle.

282 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE - AT JEKYLL'S FRONT DOOR 282

He runs up the steps, vaults the balustrade and hurls his
body sidewise through the waiting-room window at the side of
the door.

283 FULL SHOT - INT. WAITING-ROOM 283

Hyde lands sprawling amidst the shattered glass. He scrambles
up and leaps out into the foyer.
143.



284 FULL SHOT - INT. FOYER - JEKYLL'S HOUSE 284

Hyde enters. Poole comes in from past camera.

POOLE
(recognizing Hyde)
Here, here - how did -?
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Hyde escapes from Sir Charles' residence after attacking and killing him, and is chased by the police. He manages to evade them and returns to Jekyll's house, breaking in through a window.
Strengths "Intense chase scene that keeps the audience on edge. Good use of setting and action to build tension. Interesting character development of Jekyll and his struggle with guilt and despair."
Weaknesses "Dialogue is somewhat lacking in this scene, and some of the action could have been more detailed."
Critique Firstly, the scene description is well-written and clear in its actions and settings. However, there are some minor issues that could be addressed.

The scene lacks any emotional depth- why is Beatrix sobbing on the ground? What is Jekyll feeling as he hears her sobbing? There is no clear indication of what motivates Jekyll's transformation either.

Additionally, some of the actions seem a little unrealistic, such as Jekyll's transformation happening so quickly and Sir Charles being defeated so easily by Hyde. These sorts of actions could be more fleshed out and made more believable for the audience.

Overall, while the scene is well-crafted, it would benefit from deeper emotional exploration and more realistic actions.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions that could enhance this scene:

1. Build up the tension: The scene moves at a brisk pace, but more tension could be built up in the moments before Jekyll starts to transform. Show his struggle and inner turmoil more clearly, and perhaps use music or sound effects to heighten the tension.

2. Show more of Beatrix's reaction: Beatrix is an important character in the scene, but her reaction to Hyde's transformation and attack is only briefly shown. Use close-ups or reaction shots to show her shock and horror more clearly.

3. Clarify the action: The action in this scene can be a bit confusing. It's not always clear who is where and what is happening. Clarifying the action and using clearer staging could help the audience follow along more easily.

4. Show more of the chase: The chase sequence could be more exciting if it were longer and more action-packed. Perhaps show Hyde narrowly escaping the constables and jumping over more obstacles.

5. Use more visual storytelling: The dialogue in this scene is fairly straightforward, but visual storytelling could enhance it. For example, show Jekyll's hands transforming rather than just mentioning it in dialogue. Use close-ups and camera angles to show the characters' emotions more clearly.



Scene 49 -  Hyde flees to Jekyll's laboratory
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
But he gets no further as Hyde, with a roar, bowls him aside
and ducks out the back door toward the lab. Poole hurries to
the door, opens it. O.s. we hear crowd noises and whistles.

285 PAN EFFECT SHOT - HYDE 285

As he leaps across the bridge in the back courtyard to
Jekyll's laboratory.

286 FULL SHOT - INT. SMALL HALL - INT. LAB BUILDING 286

Hyde comes through door from courtyard, closes door, locks
it. Then he goes to door of lab, opens it, ducks inside, and
we hear him lock this door.

287 EXT. COURTYARD 287

Poole and the constables come running across the bridge.

POOLE
He's gone into the laboratory!

WE PAN THEM to the first door. They find it locked.

1ST CONSTABLE
(putting shoulder to
door)
Heave, Bill!

288 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE - INT. LAB 288

He is frantically looking for various vials to mix the potion.
He upsets and breaks things in his fury.

DISSOLVE TO:

289 GROUP SHOT - EXT. GARDEN - SIR CHARLES' HOME 289

A constable, the footman, Hobson and Lanyon are leaning over
Sir Charles' body. Lanyon is shaking his head woefully. The
constable shows Lanyon half of a stick.

290 CLOSE SHOT - BROKEN STICK WITH ITS SILVER HEAD 290

CONSTABLE'S VOICE (O.S.)
This is the weapon what done it,
Doctor.
144.



291 GROUP SHOT AGAIN 291

DR. LANYON
(taking stick, then
after a second)
Yes... I was afraid so.
(rising)
Come - I think I can take you to
your man.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["horror"]

Summary Hyde escapes from Sir Charles' residence after killing him and is chased by the police. He manages to evade them and returns to Jekyll's house.
Strengths "Intense action and suspenseful pacing keep the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats; the plot thickens as the investigation into Sir Charles' murder heats up."
Weaknesses "Dialogue and character development take a backseat to the action and plot, leaving some potential emotional impact untapped."
Critique This scene seems to be well-written in terms of its action and pacing, but there are a few things that could be improved. Firstly, the character of Hyde could be given more depth and personality so that he is more than just a violent force. Additionally, the cause of Sir Charles' death and its connection to Hyde could be more effectively established earlier in the script to create more tension and suspense in this scene. Finally, there could be more attention paid to the visuals and descriptions within the scene to create a vivid mental image for the reader or audience.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more internal conflict for Hyde. Right now the scene is mostly a physical action sequence with Hyde running and locking doors. Consider adding in some dialogue or inner thoughts for Hyde to make his motivations clearer and add depth to his character.

2. Develop the tension between Hyde and Poole/the constables. Right now, the chase sequence feels a bit rushed and straightforward. Consider adding in some obstacles or complications for Hyde to make the pursuit more interesting.

3. Show more of the aftermath of Sir Charles' murder. While there is a brief shot of Lanyon and the constable examining the murder weapon, there isn't much exploration of the emotional impact of the murder on the characters. Consider adding in some scenes in which the characters try to process what has happened and react to the news.

4. Consider using different shot types to add visual interest. Right now, the scene mostly consists of full shots and close-ups. Consider incorporating medium shots or using different camera angles to make the scene feel more dynamic.

5. Tighten up the transitions between scenes. The dissolve at the end of the scene feels a bit abrupt. Consider revising the scene so that the transitions between shots are more seamless.



Scene 50 -  The Fall of Dr. Jekyll
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
292 INT. LAB 292

Hyde is feverishly mixing the potion, having to make some of
its ingredients not already prepared. O.s., there is a crash
of door bursting. Then hammering on the laboratory door.

293 FULL SHOT - INT. HALL OF LAB 293

The courtyard door is down. The constables and Poole are
hammering at the door of the lab.

294 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE - INT. LAB 294

In his haste, he knocks over a large glass jar. It crashes.

295 BACK TO CONSTABLES AND POOLE - HALL 295

1ST CONSTABLE
(suddenly listening)
He's in there! Open up!
(then, as just silence
comes)
Come on, Bill!

Bill has run in with a crow-bar, and after two or three tries,
they break the door down.

296 PAN SHOT - POOLE AND CONSTABLES - INT. LAB 296

They come running down the stairs. As WE PAN WE PICK UP Jekyll
who is just staggering to his feet from the floor.

POOLE
(amazed)
Dr. Jekyll, sir! That frightful maniac
broke through the house and -

JEKYLL
I know. He struck me over the head.
(indicating, to
constable)
Quick, man! He went out by the back!


(CONTINUED)
145.

296 CONTINUED: 296

The constables hurry to the back door, o.s.

POOLE
I didn't even know you were home,
sir. Are you badly hurt?

JEKYLL
I'll - I'll be all right.

The two constables come from the back door.

1ST CONSTABLE
(to Jekyll)
This here door's locked.

JEKYLL
(impatiently, pointing
up stairs)
Then you better get round through
the front!

The two constables leap up the stairs, just as Lanyon, another
constable and an inspector in plain clothes come hurrying
in.

DR. LANYON
(looking at Jekyll
below)
Wait!

1ST CONSTABLE
(explaining)
He ducked through the back and locked
the door after him!

DR. LANYON
(in great strain)
No, he didn't! He's still down here.

They watch him, amazed, and follow down the steps to the lab
proper. He approaches Jekyll. Jekyll looks at him, tired,
wan. There are tears in Jekyll's eyes as he waits for the
word by Lanyon. Lanyon, too, is greatly affected. He seems
as though he can't say the word.

DR. LANYON
(finally gathers
himself - pointing
to Jekyll)
There - Heaven help him.

POOLE
(shocked)
Dr. Lanyon -!


(CONTINUED)
146.

296 CONTINUED: (2) 296

INSPECTOR
(Puzzled)
I know this gentleman. He's Dr.
Jekyll.

DR. LANYON
(tears in his eyes
now)
I know. Nevertheless, there's your
man.

INSPECTOR
You can't be serious, Dr. Lanyon. I -

DR. LANYON
(suddenly pointing)
Watch -!

For Jekyll has already started to turn back to Hyde again.
They all watch him in awe and horror as he goes through the
metamorphosis.

297 CLOSE SHOT - POOLE 297

He backs away slowly.

298 CLOSE SHOT - CONSTABLES AND INSPECTOR 298

Their jaws are dropping.

299 CLOSE SHOT - LANYON 299

He looks away. He cannot stand it.

300 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE 300

For he is now almost completely Hyde. He comes out of his
writhings as such. He looks about at the others, as though
he has just seen them for the first time. He is more bestial
and awful in physique and manner than we have ever seen him
in the transformation. With a sudden yell he throws a huge
jar at the officers, and ducks around the table. (NOTE: In
the following ensuing struggle ad lib commands from the
inspector should come at the proper time: "Grab him - hold
him - don't let him get up those stairs - guard that door"....
etc.) Hyde practically wrecks the lab in eluding his pursuers.
He knocks them this way and that. He leaps across tables -
up on shelves, pulling them down. He growls and snarls and
laughs in glee every time he eludes them.

301 CLOSE SHOT - LANYON AND INSPECTOR 301

This during middle of fight. Lanyon sees the gun in the
inspector's hand.


(CONTINUED)
147.

301 CONTINUED: 301

DR. LANYON
(pleading)
Shoot him, inspector - shoot him!
That would be his wish!

INSPECTOR
(grimly)
Must take him if we can!
(darting o.s.)
Hold him now!

302 FULL SHOT - GROUP 302

The constables seem just about to have Hyde cornered, when
with another wild leap, he gets to a set of surgical
instruments, and pulls out a large knife. With another yell,
he makes a leap for freedom, brandishing his weapon. As he
gets by the large apparatus on the table, the inspector lets
him have it with the revolver. Hyde wheels, drops across the
table, shattering some of the apparatus. They start crowding
around him in silent awe, Poole crying with audible sobs.

POOLE
(like a plea)
Dr. Jekyll... Dr. Jekyll.....!

303 CLOSE SHOT - HYDE'S HEAD - PROFILE 303

There is a strange light on it. As if in answer to Poole's
plea, the face starts slowly and mystically changing back to
that of the handsome Jekyll - a face peaceful in death - as
if in death - without struggle or torture - Jekyll was
restored to himself for Eternity. WE PULL BACK SLOWLY for a
tableau.

DR. LANYON
(line to come)

FADE OUT:

THE END
Genres: ["horror","drama","thriller"]

Summary Hyde tries to evade the police and returns to Jekyll's lab, but is eventually caught. During the struggle, Jekyll transforms back into himself, but dies peacefully.
Strengths "Intense action and a tragic ending."
Weaknesses "Some character motivations could be clearer."
Critique Overall, the scene moves the plot forward and builds tension effectively. However, there are some areas that could use improvement.

One issue is the lack of description and detail in the action lines. The scene could benefit from more specific and vivid descriptions of the characters' movements and reactions to create a clearer picture in the reader's mind. For example, instead of simply stating "Hyde knocks over a large glass jar," the writer could describe the sound it makes and the way it shatters on the floor.

Another issue is the dialogue, which at times feels stiff and unrealistic. Some of the lines, particularly those of the constables, come off as clichéd and lacking nuance. Additionally, the characters' emotions and motivations could be more fully explored and expressed through their dialogue.

Finally, the ending tableau could be strengthened with a more impactful final line. As it is, the scene ends abruptly without a clear sense of resolution or closure. A stronger final line could leave the audience with a lasting impression and an emotional takeaway from the scene.
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene to make it more effective:

1. Clarify who is speaking - In some places, it's difficult to tell who is speaking without context or a character name. Adding character names or clarifications would help the audience understand what's happening.

2. Add more action description - There are a lot of dialogue lines without much action description, making it difficult to visualize what's happening in the scene. Adding more specific details about the characters' movements and the surrounding environment would help the scene come to life.

3. Heighten the tension - This scene could benefit from a greater sense of urgency and danger, given that the constables are breaking down the door to the lab and chasing after Hyde. Adding more tension and suspense could make the scene more thrilling.

4. Clarify character motives - It's not entirely clear why some characters are behaving the way they are, especially Dr. Lanyon's plea for the inspector to shoot Hyde. Adding more context or clarification about everyone's motives would help the audience understand their actions better.

5. Consider the pacing - This scene is the final scene of the movie, and it might benefit from a faster pace to build to its climactic ending. Cutting some of the dialogue and adding more action would help achieve this.