severance (TV)
Executive Summary
Screenplay Video
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Promo
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USP: "Severance" is a captivating and thought-provoking television drama that explores the themes of identity, reality, and the boundaries between work and personal life. With its unique blend of mystery, humor, and existentialism, the series offers a fresh and original perspective on human nature and the modern workplace. Unlike other dramas in the psychological thriller genre, "Severance" stands out with its distinctive characters, innovative storytelling techniques, and its compelling exploration of the psychological and emotional consequences of corporate control and manipulation. Unraveling the secrets of the Lumon Corporation and the enigmatic characters within, "Severance" keeps viewers on the edge of their seats, eager to discover the truth behind the cryptic messages and the sinister motivations that drive the mysterious organization.
Overview
Genres: Drama, Mystery, Thriller, Sci-Fi, Psychological Thriller, Psychological, Dark Comedy, Crime, Science Fiction
Setting: Present day or near future, Unclear, but features an office building, a suburban neighborhood, and a forest
Overview: The screenplay boasts a strong overall score of 8.1, reflecting its compelling premise, engaging characters, and thought-provoking themes. Its originality and unpredictable nature create a captivating experience, while the exploration of identity and corporate control resonates deeply with contemporary audiences. However, opportunities exist to refine pacing, character development, and emotional depth to elevate the screenplay to its full potential.
Themes: Identity and Existence, Control and Power, Isolation and Alienation, Choice and Morality, Existential Dread, Grief and Loss, Duality and Paradox
Conflict and Stakes: Mark's struggle to uncover the truth about his past and present, as well as the ethical implications of the severance procedure. The stakes include Mark's identity, his relationship with his colleagues, and the well-being of the overall organization.
Overall Mood: Tense, mysterious, and unsettling, with a sense of paranoia and uncertainty
Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:
- Scene 1: The opening scene, where Mark wakes up on the table in the sterile room, immediately creates a sense of disorientation and unease.
- Scene 5: The scene where Mark is pursued by security guards through the maze of cubicles, is a tense and chaotic sequence that highlights Mark's vulnerability and desperation.
- Scene 12: The scene where Mark watches the tape of his interview with Harmony Cobel, is a pivotal moment that reveals the true nature of the severance procedure and the company's sinister intentions.
Standout Features:
- Unique Hook: The concept of severance, which allows employees to have their work memories surgically separated from their personal memories.
- Plot Twist : The revelation that Mark's decision to undergo severance was not as simple as it seemed and that he had a deeper connection to the company than he initially realized.
- Distinctive Setting : The mysterious and isolated office building where the severance procedure takes place, creating a sense of unease and uncertainty.
- Innovative Idea : The exploration of the ethical implications of the severance procedure and the question of what it means to be truly human.
- Unique Characters : The eccentric and enigmatic characters who work at Lumon, each with their own motivations and secrets.
- Genre Blend : The screenplay blends elements of psychological thriller, science fiction, and dark comedy, creating a unique and captivating cinematic experience.
Comparable Scripts:
Market Analysis
Budget Estimate:Likely between $10-20 million
Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of psychological thrillers, science fiction, and philosophical dramas
Marketability: The screenplay has a unique and intriguing concept, a talented cast, and explores timely and relevant themes. It has the potential to attract a wide audience and generate buzz.
While the screenplay has a strong concept and well-written characters, its unconventional narrative structure and dark themes may limit its appeal to mainstream audiences.
The screenplay's high production value, talented cast, and timely themes could appeal to streaming services and limited theatrical release, ensuring a solid return on investment.
Profit Potential: Likely moderate to high, depending on production costs and marketing effectiveness. The screenplay has the potential to generate revenue through theatrical release, streaming services, and international distribution.
Scene Level Percentiles
The screenplay excels in originality, concept, and unpredictability but would benefit from refinement in plot, character development, pacing, and structure to fully realize its potential.
Emotions Elicited Percentiles
Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."
This is a rough estimate of how the average intensity of emotions elicited in this script compare to all scripts in the Vault (all genres).
Higher isn't necessarily better. This is FYI.
This is a rough estimate of how the average intensity of emotions elicited in this script compare to all scripts in the Vault (all genres).
Higher isn't necessarily better. This is FYI.
Screenplay Analysis
Key Strengths
Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
- **Conceptrating (Percentile: 91.87%)**: The screenplay presents a highly original and captivating central idea or concept.
- **Originality (Percentile: 97.89%)**: The screenplay stands out for its unique and unconventional storytelling elements, characters, or plotlines.
- **Unpredictability (Percentile: 97.92%)**: The screenplay keeps the audience engaged and guessing through unexpected twists and turns in the narrative.
- **Plot (Percentile: 20.73%)**: The screenplay may benefit from a stronger and more engaging plot structure, pacing, and overall narrative flow.
- **Characters (Percentile: 14.23%)**: The screenplay could develop more compelling and well-rounded characters with clear motivations and arcs.
- **Pacing (Percentile: 13.16%)**: The screenplay may need to adjust its pacing to ensure a smoother and more engaging reading experience for the audience.
- **Structure (Percentile: 29.47%)**: The screenplay's structure could be improved to enhance its overall flow, cohesion, and impact.
Based on the percentile patterns, the writer exhibits strengths in conceptualizing original and unconventional ideas. The high scores in conceptrating, originality, and unpredictability suggest a potential for crafting unique and captivating stories.
Balancing Elements- To enhance the screenplay's overall effectiveness, the writer could consider balancing the strong conceptual elements with equally compelling character development and plot execution.
- Finding a balance between originality and accessibility can ensure that the unique storytelling elements resonate with a broader audience.
- Improving the pacing and structure will complement the screenplay's strong conceptual foundation, creating a more engaging and immersive reading experience.
Conceptual writer
Overall AssessmentThe screenplay showcases a strong conceptual foundation and originality, providing a solid starting point for further development. By addressing the areas for improvement, the writer has the potential to craft a compelling and well-rounded screenplay that captivates the audience with its unique storytelling and character dynamics.
How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault
(such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other
produced scripts for each criteria.
How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library
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Percentile | Before | After |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Scene Unpredictability | 8.19 | 99 | Memento: 8.08 | severance (TV): 8.19 |
| Scene Originality | 9.00 | 98 | Beetlejuice: 8.98 | severance (TV): 9.00 |
| Scene Concept | 8.4 | 87 | The Addams Family: 8.3 | fight Club: 8.4 |
| Script Premise | 8.75 | 85 | Hot Fuzz: 8.50 | Erin Brokovich: 8.75 |
| Scene Internal Goal | 8.25 | 84 | Interstellar: 8.24 | severance (TV): 8.25 |
| Scene Engagement | 9.00 | 77 | The Addams Family: 8.99 | fight Club: 9.00 |
| Script Theme | 8.50 | 72 | The Addams Family: 8.25 | Titanic: 8.50 |
| Script Conflict | 8.00 | 65 | Ted: 7.75 | face/off: 8.00 |
| Script Visual Impact | 8.25 | 63 | KILLING ZOE: 8.00 | the pursuit of happyness: 8.25 |
| Scene Dialogue | 7.8 | 58 | Ted: 7.7 | the dark knight rises: 7.8 |
| Overall Script | 8.10 | 54 | Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde : 8.06 | the pursuit of happyness: 8.10 |
| Scene External Goal | 7.25 | 51 | Charlie and The Choclate Factory: 7.24 | severance (TV): 7.25 |
| Scene Overall | 8.3 | 51 | The Umbrella Academy: 8.2 | fight Club: 8.3 |
| Scene Character Changes | 6.9 | 50 | 500 days of summer: 6.8 | severance (TV): 6.9 |
| Scene Emotional Impact | 7.7 | 49 | Enemy of the State: 7.6 | severance (TV): 7.7 |
| Scene Conflict Level | 7.6 | 48 | The Umbrella Academy: 7.5 | Titanic: 7.6 |
| Script Originality | 8.25 | 42 | House of cards pilot: 8.00 | Erin Brokovich: 8.25 |
| Scene High Stakes | 7.3 | 41 | Elvis: 7.2 | severance (TV): 7.3 |
| Scene Story Forward | 8.0 | 40 | Midsommar: 7.9 | severance (TV): 8.0 |
| Script Structure | 7.75 | 34 | Inception: 7.50 | fight Club: 7.75 |
| Scene Formatting | 8.06 | 28 | The Addams Family: 8.05 | Casablanca: 8.06 |
| Script Emotional Impact | 7.50 | 27 | Midsommar: 7.25 | the pursuit of happyness: 7.50 |
| Script Structure | 8.06 | 27 | The Addams Family: 8.05 | severance (TV): 8.06 |
| Scene Plot | 7.6 | 27 | Birdman: 7.5 | severance (TV): 7.6 |
| Scene Pacing | 8.13 | 16 | Almost Famous: 8.12 | severance (TV): 8.13 |
| Scene Characters | 7.9 | 15 | El Mariachi: 7.8 | severance (TV): 7.9 |
| Script Characters | 7.50 | 9 | 500 days of summer: 7.25 | severance (TV): 7.50 |
Writer's Voice
Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by sharp and witty dialogue, existential themes, and a blend of humor and mystery, creating a distinct and engaging tone.
Best representation: Scene Scene 12. This scene is the best representation of the writer's voice because it showcases the blend of dark humor, surreal dialogue, and existential themes that define the script. The dialogue is sharp and witty, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and motivations, while the discussion of the job offer and the consequences of accepting it raises questions about morality, identity, and the nature of work.
Memorable Lines:
- Mark: I'm never going to leave here. (Scene 16)
- MARK: What kind of monster am I? Who hits a cat and then drives off to interview for a job no sane person would even want? (Scene 10)
- Mark: I'm being held here. I'm being held against my will. (Scene 2)
- Woman: I want to see my baby! (Scene 7)
- Helly: Because you’re more likely to accept it once they’ve broken you some. (Scene 6)
Writing Style:
The screenplay displays a unique and eclectic blend of writing styles, incorporating elements of suspense, mystery, surrealism, dark humor, and philosophical depth. The scenes often explore complex psychological dynamics, existential themes, and unconventional storytelling techniques.
Style Similarities:
- Charlie Kaufman
- David Lynch
- Christopher Nolan
Story Shape
Emotions Elicited
Engine: Gemini
Screenplay Rating:
Recommend
Executive Summary
Severance is a highly original and thought-provoking screenplay with strong potential. The concept is unique and engaging, the dialogue is sharp and witty, and the world-building is excellent. However, the pacing could be tightened, and some characters could be further developed. Overall, Severance is a compelling story that is sure to generate interest from audiences and networks.
Strengths
- The concept of 'severance' is highly original and thought-provoking, offering a unique perspective on work-life balance and the potential dangers of technology. high
- The dialogue is sharp, witty, and often darkly humorous, effectively balancing the unsettling aspects of the story. high ( Scene 2 Scene 4 Scene 5 Scene 6 Scene 10 Scene 11 )
- The initial mystery surrounding the severance procedure and Lumon Industries effectively hooks the audience and creates a sense of intrigue. high ( Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 7 )
- The world-building is excellent, with the sterile, unsettling atmosphere of Lumon Industries and the contrasting outside world creating a sense of unease and mystery. medium
- Cobel is a fascinating and complex antagonist, whose motivations and methods are both disturbing and intriguing. medium ( Scene 13 Scene 14 Scene 15 )
Areas of Improvement
- The pacing can be slow at times, particularly in the middle section of the script. Some scenes could be tightened or removed to maintain momentum. medium
- Mark's outside life could be explored in more depth to provide greater context for his character and motivations. medium ( Scene 9 Scene 10 )
- The introduction of Mark's coworkers could be more engaging, perhaps by highlighting their individual personalities and quirks. low ( Scene 5 )
- While intriguing, the characters of Irving and Helly remain somewhat underdeveloped in the pilot episode. low ( Scene 4 Scene 6 Scene 16 )
MissingElements
- The pilot episode raises many questions about the severance procedure and Lumon Industries, but provides few answers. While this is effective in creating intrigue, it could also leave some viewers frustrated. medium
Engine: Claude
Screenplay Rating:
Recommend
Executive Summary
The screenplay for 'Severance' presents a captivating and thought-provoking narrative that explores the ethical and psychological implications of dissociating an individual's work and personal identities. The central premise of the 'severance' procedure, where employees are implanted with work-specific memories and skills, is a compelling hook that drives the story forward and raises a multitude of questions about the nature of identity, free will, and the boundaries between personal and professional life. The characters, while initially enigmatic, are well-developed and compelling, each with their own distinct motivations and struggles that contribute to the overall sense of mystery and tension. The nonlinear structure and the inclusion of unseen, ominous figures further enhance the narrative's intrigue, hinting at a larger, more complex conspiracy at play. While the pacing and development of some supporting characters could be tightened, the overall strength of the screenplay lies in its ability to captivate the audience and leave them with thought-provoking questions about the nature of reality and the human experience.
Strengths
- The screenplay effectively establishes a sense of mystery and intrigue from the very beginning, drawing the audience into an unfolding narrative that raises more questions than it answers. high
- The characters, though enigmatic, are well-developed and compelling, each with their own distinct personalities and motivations that drive the story forward. high
- The underlying premise of the 'severance' procedure is a fascinating and thought-provoking concept, exploring the ethical implications of dissociating an individual's work and personal identities. high
- The screenplay maintains a consistent tone of unease and suspense, creating a captivating atmosphere that keeps the audience engaged throughout. medium
- The nonlinear structure, with flashbacks and jumps in time, adds depth and complexity to the narrative, allowing for deeper exploration of the characters' backstories and the larger mystery at hand. medium
Areas of Improvement
- While the overall narrative is compelling, there are moments where the pacing could be tightened, particularly during the orientation and onboarding process for the new employee, Mark. medium
- Some of the supporting characters, such as Dylan and Irving, could benefit from further development and exploration, as they currently feel somewhat one-dimensional in comparison to the central figures. medium
- The introduction of the 'beacons' and the mechanics of the 'severance' procedure could be explained in more detail, to fully grasp the implications and potential consequences of this technology. medium
MissingElements
- While the screenplay provides a strong foundation for the central mystery, there is limited exploration of the broader societal or corporate context in which this story takes place. Providing more insight into the world outside the 'Severed' office could enhance the narrative's depth and complexity. medium
- The screenplay could benefit from a more distinct and memorable central theme or message, beyond the exploration of the 'severance' concept itself. Incorporating a stronger thematic undercurrent could elevate the narrative's significance and impact. medium
NotablePoints
- The exploration of the 'severance' procedure and its psychological and emotional impact on the characters is a compelling and unique premise that sets this screenplay apart from more conventional workplace narratives. high
- The nonlinear structure and the use of flashbacks and time jumps create a sense of disorientation and uncertainty, mirroring the experience of the characters and heightening the overall sense of mystery. medium
- The introduction of the unseen, ominous figures who seem to be in control of the 'severance' process adds an intriguing layer of menace and intrigue to the narrative, hinting at a larger, more complex conspiracy at play. medium
Engine: GPT4
Screenplay Rating:
Recommend
Executive Summary
Severance is a compelling and intellectually engaging screenplay that explores deep themes of identity and memory through a unique narrative structure. The protagonist's journey is well-developed, and the dialogue is sharp and meaningful. While the pacing could be improved and some scenes simplified for clarity, the overall narrative is strong and offers significant potential for a thought-provoking film.
Strengths
- The screenplay effectively creates suspense and intrigue, particularly in the opening and the climactic scenes, drawing the audience into the mystery of the protagonist's situation. high ( Scene 1 Scene 14 )
- Strong character development, especially with the protagonist, Mark, whose journey from confusion to a deeper, unsettling realization about his life and choices is compelling. high ( Scene 12 Scene 13 )
- The dialogue is sharp and often laden with deeper meaning, providing both exposition and character depth efficiently. medium
- The screenplay's structure, with its clear acts and escalating tension, supports a strong narrative arc. medium ( Scene 16 )
- The unique concept of 'Severance' and its exploration of identity and memory is intellectually stimulating and emotionally engaging. high
Areas of Improvement
- Some scenes may benefit from a slight reduction in complexity to enhance clarity without sacrificing the depth of the narrative. medium
- The pacing in the middle acts can feel slightly uneven, with some sections dragging while others rush, potentially disorienting the viewer. medium ( Scene 5 Scene 6 )
- The emotional transitions of secondary characters could be more developed to enhance their relatability and depth. low
- Greater use of visual storytelling could enhance the screenplay, reducing the reliance on dialogue for exposition. medium
- The ending could be expanded to provide a more satisfying resolution to the protagonist's journey, potentially exploring the long-term implications of his choices. medium
MissingElements
- There is a need for more distinct and memorable settings that could further enhance the mood and themes of the screenplay. low
NotablePoints
- The screenplay's exploration of themes such as identity, memory, and personal autonomy is both timely and timeless, resonating with contemporary societal issues. high
Screenplay Insights:
Characters: 7.5, The screenplay demonstrates strengths in its character development through Mark's complex and introspective journey, the manipulative and enigmatic nature of Cobel, and the quirky innocence of Irving. However, there are opportunities to refine the characters and their arcs to enhance the screenplay's overall emotional impact and connection with the audience. See More
Premise: 8.75, The screenplay presents a highly intriguing and original premise with strong potential to engage the audience. The concept of memory separation and its psychological and ethical implications create a compelling narrative hook. However, further clarity is needed regarding the organization's motives and the overall goal of the 'severance' program to enhance long-term audience investment. See More
Structure: 7.75, The screenplay presents a largely coherent and engaging plot with intriguing narrative elements, especially in its exploration of identity, memory, and workplace dynamics. However, it could benefit from tighter pacing, clearer motivation for some of its twists, and a more satisfying resolution to fully captivate the audience and leave a lasting impact. See More
Theme: 8.50, The screenplay effectively conveys its themes and messages through a compelling narrative and well-developed characters. The exploration of identity, memory, and corporate control resonates deeply with the audience, raising thought-provoking questions and leaving a lasting impact. However, further refinement of the message's clarity and originality could enhance the screenplay's overall thematic impact. See More
Visual Impact: 8.25, The screenplay presents a compelling visual foundation with a blend of striking visuals and inventive elements. The clear and evocative descriptions effectively transport readers into the enigmatic world of the story, capturing their imagination and setting the stage for a visually captivating cinematic experience. See More
Emotional Impact: 7.5, The screenplay has the potential for a powerful emotional impact on the audience, with a strong foundation in introducing the characters and their conflicts. However, the emotional depth and resonance could be further enhanced by delving deeper into the characters' inner struggles, providing a more nuanced and complex emotional journey. See More
Conflict: 8.0, The screenplay presents a compelling central conflict and high stakes, effectively driving the narrative and engaging the audience. The unfolding mystery and Mark's struggle for identity create a strong foundation for tension and engagement. However, the screenplay can further enhance conflict resolution and explore the consequences and implications in greater depth to maximize its impact. See More
Originality: 8.25, The screenplay demonstrates strong originality and creativity in its enigmatic premise, engaging characters, and thought-provoking exploration of identity and free will. The narrative's non-linear structure and surreal elements create a distinctive and immersive experience. However, the story's pacing and character development could benefit from further refinement to enhance its overall impact and emotional resonance. See More
Premise: 8.75, The screenplay presents a highly intriguing and original premise with strong potential to engage the audience. The concept of memory separation and its psychological and ethical implications create a compelling narrative hook. However, further clarity is needed regarding the organization's motives and the overall goal of the 'severance' program to enhance long-term audience investment. See More
Structure: 7.75, The screenplay presents a largely coherent and engaging plot with intriguing narrative elements, especially in its exploration of identity, memory, and workplace dynamics. However, it could benefit from tighter pacing, clearer motivation for some of its twists, and a more satisfying resolution to fully captivate the audience and leave a lasting impact. See More
Theme: 8.50, The screenplay effectively conveys its themes and messages through a compelling narrative and well-developed characters. The exploration of identity, memory, and corporate control resonates deeply with the audience, raising thought-provoking questions and leaving a lasting impact. However, further refinement of the message's clarity and originality could enhance the screenplay's overall thematic impact. See More
Visual Impact: 8.25, The screenplay presents a compelling visual foundation with a blend of striking visuals and inventive elements. The clear and evocative descriptions effectively transport readers into the enigmatic world of the story, capturing their imagination and setting the stage for a visually captivating cinematic experience. See More
Emotional Impact: 7.5, The screenplay has the potential for a powerful emotional impact on the audience, with a strong foundation in introducing the characters and their conflicts. However, the emotional depth and resonance could be further enhanced by delving deeper into the characters' inner struggles, providing a more nuanced and complex emotional journey. See More
Conflict: 8.0, The screenplay presents a compelling central conflict and high stakes, effectively driving the narrative and engaging the audience. The unfolding mystery and Mark's struggle for identity create a strong foundation for tension and engagement. However, the screenplay can further enhance conflict resolution and explore the consequences and implications in greater depth to maximize its impact. See More
Originality: 8.25, The screenplay demonstrates strong originality and creativity in its enigmatic premise, engaging characters, and thought-provoking exploration of identity and free will. The narrative's non-linear structure and surreal elements create a distinctive and immersive experience. However, the story's pacing and character development could benefit from further refinement to enhance its overall impact and emotional resonance. See More
Screenplay Story Analysis
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Summaries
- A naked man awakens in a sterile room and is questioned by a mysterious voice over an intercom. The voice asks about his personal history and drug use. Despite Mark's confusion and resistance, the voice congratulates him on a perfect score and instructs him to follow the voice through an open door, leaving him uncertain of his fate.
- Mark flees from a meeting with Milchick and Cobel, who offered him a job as a Secondary Conversion Analyst. Mark rejects their offer, runs naked through the office, and escapes.
- As Mark, running late for work, trips down the stairs and encounters Helly, who smirks at his clumsiness. In the lobby, he elbows a security guard and runs out. Later, Mark re-enters the lobby in a suit. Cobel informs Mark of a two-hour walk they took, but Mark has no memory of it.
- Irving, a childlike office worker, hides a secret hobby from his co-worker. When approached by Helly, a kind woman, he reluctantly agrees to hang up a welcome sign with her.
- In a sterile office, amnesiac Mark is tasked by enigmatic co-workers to turn green computer symbols blue. Despite confusion and frustration, he succeeds, joining their mysterious routine.
- Mark faces obstacles in his search for answers about the data culling video. Helly provides him with cryptic information and a map, leading him to a storage room, presumably to find the video.
- Mark ventures into a storage closet and finds a map indicating "UP." He climbs the endless shelves, narrowly avoiding a fall, and discovers a platform with a metallic door above him.
- Mark explores a restricted video archive room and discovers a tape labeled with his name. Despite Cobel's warnings, he plays the tape, plunging the room into eerie silence.
- Mark leaves for an interview, dismissing Devon's concern about his drinking if it goes poorly. En route, he fatally strikes a white cat and faces a moral dilemma. Conflicted between the urgency of his interview and his guilt, Mark ultimately prioritizes the job opportunity and leaves the cat behind.
- Mark's job interview at Crazy Eagle Video takes an awkward turn when he confesses to running over a cat on his way there. Overwhelmed by guilt and anxiety, he abruptly ends the interview and rushes out to check on the animal, leaving the bewildered manager behind.
- Mark confesses to killing a cat to a young girl and her guardian, Harmony Cobel. Cobel's enigmatic reaction and offer to show Mark the cat create a tense and unsettling atmosphere, leaving the situation unresolved.
- Mark and Cobel stand over a dead cat. Cobel offers Mark a pickle, which he eats. Cobel discusses Mark driving away. Mark describes feeling powerless after killing the cat. Cobel asks Mark about Eleanor, making him feel sick. Cobel reveals the pickle contained drugs, and Mark passes out.
- Mark awakens handcuffed in Cobel's basement, where she reveals her knowledge of his past and offers him a job with a unique condition: his memories will be split using a beacon. Despite a horrifying demonstration, Mark refuses and breaks his handcuffs before leaving, leaving Cobel to laugh alone with her rat.
- Mark encounters skepticism from the police after claiming he was kidnapped and drugged. He insists on his innocence, but his claims are dismissed. Officer Irons questions Mark about hitting a cat and not checking on it. Mark alleges that the cat's owner kidnapped and drugged him, but Officer Irons dismisses his claim. Mark then meets Kaia, who asserts that her father was killed by angels and that the police will never apprehend them. Officers Irons and Green examine the alleged kidnapping site, discovering only a portable toilet where the house once stood. They dismiss Mark's allegations as baseless and depart to investigate a homicide, leaving Mark perplexed and uncertain.
- Mark wrestles with the decision of whether or not to undergo the severance procedure. He is offered the promise of focus and a chance to fix his broken life, but he also knows that he will be giving up a part of himself. In the end, Mark decides to go through with the procedure.
- Mark confronts Cobel and Milchick about his past and future, but receives cryptic responses. Cobel emphasizes Mark's choice and warns that he will have nothing but darkness if he doesn't comply. The man's voice raises concerns about Mark's potential resistance, hinting at a deeper conflict between Mark's desire for freedom and the organization's control.
CharacterInconsistencies
-
Character Mark
Description Mark's initial panic and resistance to the situation seem to dissipate quickly, especially after encountering Helly in the men's room. His transition to accepting his role as a culler feels somewhat abrupt, given his earlier distress and confusion.
( Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 ) -
Character Helly
Description Helly's claim of forgetting to use the women's restroom and her subsequent conversation with Irving feel slightly out of character, given her otherwise strong and independent personality.
( Scene 6 )
StoryInconsistencies
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Description The sudden appearance of a Port-o-Potty in place of Cobel's house and the disappearance of the house itself raise questions about the extent and limitations of the company's capabilities. The lack of explanation for this event creates a significant gap in the story's internal logic.
( Scene 15 )
PlotHoles
DialogueAuthenticity
-
Description Milchick's overly enthusiastic and verbose dialogue, while intended to be humorous, can sometimes feel forced and unnatural, particularly during the orientation scene.
( Scene 2 )
Redundancies
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Element Dialogue about the video
( Scene 4 Scene 5 Scene 6 )
Suggestion The repeated mentions of the video and its importance could be streamlined to maintain a sense of mystery and intrigue. Perhaps the characters could allude to its contents without explicitly stating its purpose, allowing the audience to gradually discover its significance.
Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:
| Character | Arc | Critique | Suggestions |
|---|---|---|---|
| Mark | Mark's character arc follows his journey from confusion and defiance to introspection and acceptance. He starts off as a desperate and resistant protagonist, but through his experiences and interactions, he begins to confront his past actions and inner demons. Ultimately, Mark learns to accept his mistakes and make peace with his identity, leading to a sense of growth and self-realization. | The character arc for Mark is well-developed and allows for a deep exploration of his internal struggles and growth. However, there could be more clarity in the progression of his character development, especially in terms of how each scene contributes to his overall arc. Additionally, there could be more consistency in his speaking style to better reflect his emotional journey. | To improve the character arc, consider mapping out specific moments in each scene that contribute to Mark's growth and self-realization. Ensure that his speaking style evolves organically throughout the screenplay to reflect his changing emotions and mindset. Additionally, provide more opportunities for Mark to confront his past and make decisions that challenge his beliefs and values, leading to a more impactful and cohesive character arc. |
| Cobel | Cobel starts off as a guiding figure for Mark, helping him navigate the unknown world and hinting at deeper connections. As the story progresses, Cobel's true motives are revealed as she becomes more manipulative and unsettling, offering Mark a life-altering opportunity with emotional manipulation. Ultimately, Cobel's character arc culminates in a confrontation where her enigmatic nature and hidden motives are fully exposed, leading to a dramatic resolution. | The character arc for Cobel is intriguing and adds depth to the story. However, there could be more consistency in her actions and motivations throughout the screenplay. It would be beneficial to provide clearer hints or foreshadowing of Cobel's true intentions earlier on to make the reveal more impactful. Additionally, exploring Cobel's backstory or motivations further could enhance her complexity and make her character arc more compelling. | To improve the character arc for Cobel, consider adding subtle hints or foreshadowing of her true motives earlier in the screenplay. This could involve incorporating more cryptic dialogue or mysterious actions that hint at Cobel's manipulative nature. Additionally, delving deeper into Cobel's backstory or motivations could provide a more nuanced understanding of her character and make her arc more satisfying for the audience. |
| Irving | Irving starts off as a quirky and childlike individual who is easily distracted by small objects and has a tendency to create imaginative scenarios with them. As the story progresses, he learns to channel his creativity and sensitivity into a positive outlet, becoming more focused and confident in his abilities. Through his interactions with his coworkers, he gains a deeper understanding of himself and his unique talents, ultimately finding a sense of purpose and belonging. | The character arc for Irving is well-developed and allows for growth and development throughout the screenplay. However, it could benefit from more specific challenges or obstacles that Irving must overcome in order to fully realize his potential. This would add depth to his character and create a more engaging and dynamic storyline. | To improve the character arc for Irving, consider introducing a specific conflict or dilemma that forces him to confront his vulnerabilities and insecurities. This could be a situation where his creativity is challenged or misunderstood, leading him to doubt himself and his abilities. By overcoming this obstacle, Irving can experience true growth and transformation, making his journey more compelling and impactful. |
| Helly | Helly starts off as a seasoned and authoritative employee in the culling office, guiding new employees and navigating the mysterious environment with ease. However, as the story progresses, she begins to question the ethics of the culling process and starts to rebel against the rules she once followed. This leads to conflicts with her colleagues and superiors, but ultimately she becomes a leader in the fight for change, using her resourcefulness and empathy to bring about a new way of operating in the office. | The character arc for Helly is well-developed and engaging, showing her growth from a rule-following employee to a rebel leader. However, the transition from following the rules to breaking them could be more clearly motivated. It would also be beneficial to explore Helly's internal struggles and doubts more deeply throughout the story to make her character arc more impactful. | To improve the character arc, consider adding scenes that delve into Helly's past experiences or personal beliefs that lead her to question the culling process. This will provide a stronger foundation for her eventual rebellion and make her character development more believable. Additionally, show more of Helly's internal conflicts and emotional journey as she transitions from following the rules to breaking them, highlighting the challenges she faces in standing up for what she believes in. |
| Theme | Theme Details | Themee Explanation | ||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Identity and Existence | Mark's struggle to understand his identity and purpose, the questioning of reality and perception, and the manipulation of memories. | The film explores themes of identity and existence through Mark's journey of self-discovery and the manipulation of his memories. The film raises questions about the nature of reality and perception, and the extent to which our identities are shaped by our experiences and memories. | ||||||||||||
Strengthening Identity and Existence:
| ||||||||||||||
| Control and Power | The power dynamics between Cobel, Milchick, and Mark, the surveillance and control of the organization, and the manipulation and exploitation of employees. | The film explores themes of control and power through the relationship between the characters and the organization. Cobel and Milchick represent the authority and control of the organization, while Mark represents the individual struggling against that control. The film depicts the manipulative and exploitative tactics used by the organization to maintain its power. | ||||||||||||
| Isolation and Alienation | Mark's feelings of isolation and alienation, his disconnection from the outside world, and the lack of human connection within the organization. | The film explores themes of isolation and alienation through Mark's experiences. Mark is isolated from the outside world and feels disconnected from his colleagues. The film depicts the emotional and psychological toll that isolation and alienation can take on an individual. | ||||||||||||
| Choice and Morality | Mark's decision to undergo the severance procedure, the ethical implications of the organization's practices, and the consequences of one's choices. | The film explores themes of choice and morality through Mark's decision to undergo the severance procedure. The film raises questions about the ethical implications of the organization's practices and the consequences of one's choices. Mark's decision has a profound impact on his life and the lives of those around him. | ||||||||||||
| Existential Dread | Mark's existential angst and feelings of insignificance, the uncertainty and meaninglessness of life, and the fear of the unknown. | The film explores themes of existential dread through Mark's experiences. Mark grapples with existential angst and feelings of insignificance. The film depicts the fear and uncertainty that can accompany the contemplation of one's own existence and the meaning of life. | ||||||||||||
| Grief and Loss | Mark's grief over the loss of his former life and relationships, the emotional toll of the severance procedure, and the impact of trauma on the human psyche. | The film explores themes of grief and loss through Mark's experiences. Mark grieves the loss of his former life and relationships. The film depicts the emotional toll that the severance procedure takes on Mark and the impact of trauma on the human psyche. | ||||||||||||
| Duality and Paradox | The contrast between Mark's work and personal lives, the tension between his memories and his current existence, and the coexistence of opposing forces. | The film explores themes of duality and paradox through Mark's experiences. Mark's work and personal lives are in conflict, and he struggles to reconcile his memories with his current existence. The film depicts the tension and矛盾s that can arise when opposing forces coexist. | ||||||||||||
Screenwriting Resources on Themes
Articles
| Site | Description |
|---|---|
| Studio Binder | Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters |
| Coverfly | Improving your Screenplay's theme |
| John August | Writing from Theme |
YouTube Videos
| Title | Description |
|---|---|
| Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics | Screenwriting basics - beginner video |
| What is theme | Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay. |
| Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script | Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts |
| Goals and Philosophical Conflict | |
|---|---|
| internal Goals | The protagonist's internal goal is to understand his situation and regain his memory, reflecting his fear and confusion in a chaotic environment |
| External Goals | The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the strange environment and potentially find a way out, reflecting the immediate challenges he faces |
| Philosophical Conflict | The overarching philosophical conflict is the clash between individual agency and institutional control, as the protagonist struggles to maintain his identity and autonomy in a manipulated environment. |
Character Development Contribution: The goals and conflicts challenge the protagonist's beliefs about himself, identity, and autonomy, leading to a deeper exploration of his values and choices.
Narrative Structure Contribution: The goals and conflicts drive the protagonist's journey, creating tension and suspense as he navigates the unknown and confronts ethical dilemmas.
Thematic Depth Contribution: The exploration of autonomy, morality, and reality adds complexity and depth to the screenplay's themes, raising questions about identity, control, and ethics.
Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Articles
| Site | Description |
|---|---|
| Creative Screenwriting | How Important Is A Character’s Goal? |
| Studio Binder | What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict |
YouTube Videos
| Title | Description |
|---|---|
| How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict | How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode. |
| Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great | By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes |
| Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals | By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy? |
What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \
It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.
| Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | |||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Click for Full Analysis | Tone | Overall | Concept | Plot | Originality | Characters | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure | ||||
| 1 - The Inqusition | Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | |
| 2 - Mark's Escape | Suspenseful, Intense, Confused, Serious | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 3 - Mark's Morning Misadventures | Mysterious, Suspenseful, Intriguing, Dark | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 4 - Irving's Secret Hobby | Mysterious, Intriguing, Suspenseful | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 5 - Mark's Initiation | Suspenseful, Mysterious, Tense, Intriguing | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 6 - The Restroom Encounter | Suspenseful, Mysterious, Dark, Humorous | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 7 - Mark's Storage Closet Ascent | Suspenseful, Mysterious, Tense | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
| 8 - Mark's Discovery | Mysterious, Tense, Confused, Intriguing | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 9 - Mark's Dilemma | Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense, Melancholic | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 10 - The Cat Incident | Anxious, Confused, Regretful | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 11 - Death of Innocence | Tense, Mysterious, Confrontational | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 12 - The Pickle | Intense, Dark, Intriguing, Unsettling | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 13 - Severance Offer | Dark, Intense, Disturbing, Mysterious | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 14 - A Dismissed Claim | Intriguing, Suspenseful, Dark, Mysterious | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 15 - The Decision | Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense, Intriguing | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 16 - Confrontation in the Hallways | Mysterious, Dark, Intense, Surreal | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
Summary of Scene Level Analysis
Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.
Scene Strengths
- Suspenseful atmosphere
- Engaging plot
- Engaging dialogue
- Building tension and suspense
- Rich character development
Scene Weaknesses
- Some dialogue could be more impactful
- Limited character development in this scene
- Some elements of the plot may be confusing without context
- Pacing may be slow for some viewers
- Some may find the surreal elements confusing or distracting
Suggestions
- Focus on creating impactful dialogue that reveals character motivations
- Ensure consistent character development throughout the screenplay
- Provide clear context for elements of the plot to avoid confusion for the audience
- Pay attention to pacing and consider tightening slower parts of the screenplay
- Clarify and simplify surreal elements for better audience comprehension
World Building
- Physical environment: The world of the script is characterized by a mix of sterile, uncomfortable, and mysterious environments. The offices in which the characters work are depicted as bland and isolating, with fluorescent lighting, pastel prints, and beige walls. In contrast, the hallways and rooms in the mysterious organization are characterized by darkened halls, dimly lit rooms, sharp twists, and translucent glass cubicle walls, creating a sense of confinement and surveillance. The external settings, such as the suburban neighborhood, the video store, and the Victorian house, are more mundane and realistic, but they also contribute to the overall atmosphere of uncertainty and unease.
- Culture: The culture depicted in the screenplay is one of bureaucracy, authoritarianism, and surveillance. The characters are controlled and monitored by a mysterious organization, and their actions are constantly being observed and evaluated. There is a sense of isolation and alienation among the characters, who are often unaware of the true nature of their work and the organization they are serving.
- Society: The society depicted in the screenplay is highly structured and hierarchical. The characters are divided into different classes, with those in higher positions having more power and control over those below them. There is a sense of inequality and injustice, as the lower-class characters are often exploited and mistreated by those in power. The society is also characterized by a lack of transparency and accountability, as the organization that controls the characters' lives is secretive and unaccountable.
- Technology: Technology plays a significant role in the screenplay. The offices and hallways are equipped with surveillance cameras, intercom systems, and other technological devices that are used to monitor and control the characters. The characters also use computers and other devices to perform their work, and these devices are often used as a means of communication and information gathering. The presence of technology in the screenplay contributes to the sense of isolation and alienation among the characters, as they are constantly being watched and monitored.
- Characters influence: The world elements in the screenplay have a profound impact on the characters' experiences and actions. The sterile and uncomfortable office environment creates a sense of isolation and alienation among the characters, who are often unsure of their purpose and place in the organization. The mysterious and oppressive atmosphere of the hallways and rooms in the organization contributes to a sense of paranoia and distrust among the characters, who are constantly worried about being watched and monitored. The external settings, such as the suburban neighborhood, the video store, and the Victorian house, provide a sense of normalcy and familiarity, but they also serve to highlight the characters' isolation and alienation from the outside world.
- Narrative contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the narrative by creating a sense of mystery and suspense. The sterile and uncomfortable office environment, the mysterious and oppressive atmosphere of the hallways and rooms in the organization, and the external settings, such as the suburban neighborhood, the video store, and the Victorian house, all contribute to a sense of uncertainty and unease that keeps the reader guessing about what will happen next. The world elements also contribute to the narrative by providing a context for the characters' actions. The sterile and uncomfortable office environment, for example, helps to explain why the characters are so isolated and alienated from each other. The mysterious and oppressive atmosphere of the hallways and rooms in the organization helps to explain why the characters are so paranoid and distrustful of each other. The external settings, such as the suburban neighborhood, the video store, and the Victorian house, provide a sense of normalcy and familiarity, but they also serve to highlight the characters' isolation and alienation from the outside world.
- Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the thematic depth by exploring themes of isolation, alienation, and control. The sterile and uncomfortable office environment, the mysterious and oppressive atmosphere of the hallways and rooms in the organization, and the external settings, such as the suburban neighborhood, the video store, and the Victorian house, all contribute to a sense of isolation and alienation among the characters. The surveillance cameras, intercom systems, and other technological devices that are used to monitor and control the characters contribute to a sense of control and oppression. The screenplay explores these themes through the characters' experiences and actions, and it raises questions about the nature of reality, identity, and free will.
| Voice Analysis | |
|---|---|
| Summary: | The writer's voice is characterized by sharp and witty dialogue, existential themes, and a blend of humor and mystery, creating a distinct and engaging tone. |
| Voice Contribution | The writer's voice contributes to the script by enhancing the mood and themes of each scene, adding depth to the characters and their interactions, and creating a sense of intrigue and uncertainty that keeps the audience engaged. |
| Best Representation Scene | Scene 12 - |
| Best Scene Explanation | This scene is the best representation of the writer's voice because it showcases the blend of dark humor, surreal dialogue, and existential themes that define the script. The dialogue is sharp and witty, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and motivations, while the discussion of the job offer and the consequences of accepting it raises questions about morality, identity, and the nature of work. |
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
| Pattern | Explanation |
|---|---|
| Emotional Intensity and Scene Progress | |
| Tense Scenes and Character Changes | |
| Mystery and Intrigue | |
| High Stakes and Plot Development | |
| Tone Diversity |
Writer's Craft Overall Analysis
The screenplay demonstrates strong writing craft, with engaging dialogue, well-developed characters, and a unique voice that sets it apart from other works in the genre. The writer effectively blends genres, creates memorable characters and plot twists, and explores complex themes with depth and nuance.
Key Improvement Areas
Dialogue
Several scenes highlighted the writer's skill in creating sharp, witty, and engaging dialogue. To further refine this skill, focusing on character voices and subtext, as well as practicing dialogue-heavy scenes, would be beneficial.
Plot Structure and Pacing
Some scenes effectively built tension and suspense, while others could benefit from exploring different narrative techniques and structures. Studying screenplays with strong pacing and structure, such as 'Save the Cat!' by Blake Snyder, can provide valuable insights.
Character Development
The writer excels in creating well-defined and complex characters. To enhance this aspect, practicing writing scenes with conflicting emotions and motivations, as well as exploring different ethical dilemmas and moral conflicts, can deepen character development and plot complexity.
Suggestions
| Type | Suggestion | Rationale |
|---|---|---|
| Screenplay | Read 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' by Charlie Kaufman | This screenplay showcases a masterful blend of complex characters, existential themes, and engaging dialogue, providing valuable insights for the writer's own storytelling. |
| Video | Watch 'Her' directed by Spike Jonze | This film explores similar themes and storytelling techniques as the writer's screenplay, offering inspiration for developing unique and original narratives. |
| Exercise | Practice writing scenes with non-linear structurePractice In SceneProv | Exploring different narrative formats can help the writer expand their storytelling skills and experiment with new ideas, enhancing the overall impact of their scenes. |
| Exercise | Write a scene with only dialogue, focusing on character dynamics and conflictPractice In SceneProv | By honing their skills in crafting sharp and engaging dialogue, the writer can enhance the impact of their scenes and develop more dynamic characters. |
| Exercise | Practice writing scenes with cryptic dialogue and mysterious settingPractice In SceneProv | Creating tension and intrigue in dialogue and setting is a key element of the writer's style. Practicing this skill will help refine their ability to build suspense and engage the audience. |
Additional Notes:
The writer's unique voice and ability to blend genres, create memorable characters, and explore complex themes are commendable. With continued practice, refinement, and exploration of different storytelling techniques and structures, the writer has the potential to create truly exceptional and thought-provoking screenplays.
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
| Trope | Trope Details | Trope Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Amnesia | Mark wakes up with no memory of his past life. | Amnesia is a common trope in storytelling where a character loses their memory, often leading to confusion and mystery. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Memento' where the protagonist suffers from short-term memory loss. |
| Dystopian Society | Mark finds himself in a strange, sterile office environment with mysterious rules and procedures. | Dystopian society is a trope where the setting of the story is characterized by oppression, control, and dehumanization. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'The Matrix' where humans are controlled by machines in a simulated reality. |
| Mind Control | Cobel uses a beacon to split Mark's memories between work and personal life. | Mind control is a trope where a character's thoughts, actions, or memories are manipulated by an external force. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'Black Mirror' where technology is used to control people's minds. |
| Existential Crisis | Mark questions his identity, purpose, and choices throughout the screenplay. | Existential crisis is a trope where a character grapples with profound questions about the meaning of life, existence, and their place in the world. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Fight Club' where the protagonist struggles with his sense of self and purpose. |
| Corporate Conspiracy | Cobel and Milchick manipulate Mark into a job with hidden conditions and mind control devices. | Corporate conspiracy is a trope where powerful organizations or individuals engage in secret, unethical activities to achieve their goals. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'Mr. Robot' where a corporation manipulates global events for profit. |
| Mystery Box | Mark encounters mysterious characters and situations that raise questions about his past and future. | Mystery box is a storytelling technique where elements of mystery and intrigue are introduced to captivate the audience and keep them guessing. An example of this trope can be seen in the TV show 'Lost' where characters are stranded on an island with many unanswered questions. |
| Character Arc | Mark undergoes a transformation from confusion and resistance to acceptance and agency. | Character arc is a narrative structure where a character experiences growth, change, and development throughout the story. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'The Shawshank Redemption' where the protagonist evolves from hopelessness to freedom. |
| Gaslighting | Cobel manipulates Mark's perception of reality and memory to control his behavior. | Gaslighting is a trope where a character is psychologically manipulated to doubt their own sanity, memory, or perception of reality. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Gaslight' where a husband tries to convince his wife that she is going insane. |
| Surrealism | Mark encounters bizarre and dreamlike scenarios, such as a never-ending storage closet and a basement with mind control devices. | Surrealism is a trope where the story includes elements of the subconscious, dreams, and the irrational to create a sense of disorientation and wonder. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' where memories are erased through a surreal procedure. |
| Paranoia | Mark becomes increasingly paranoid as he uncovers hidden agendas and manipulations by Cobel and Milchick. | Paranoia is a trope where a character experiences intense fear, suspicion, and distrust of others, often leading to irrational behavior. An example of this trope can be seen in the movie 'The Truman Show' where the protagonist becomes paranoid about the artificial world around him. |
Memorable lines in the script:
| Scene Number | Line |
|---|---|
| 16 | Mark: I'm never going to leave here. |
| 10 | MARK: What kind of monster am I? Who hits a cat and then drives off to interview for a job no sane person would even want? |
| 2 | Mark: I'm being held here. I'm being held against my will. |
| 7 | Woman: I want to see my baby! |
| 6 | Helly: Because you’re more likely to accept it once they’ve broken you some. |
Some Loglines to consider:
| Can Mark navigate the bizarre world of the sterile office and figure out how to escape? |
| Mark is forced to choose between fixing his broken life and sacrificing his memories. |
| Harmony Cobel offers Mark a glimpse into the darker side of the sterile office. |
| Mark must solve the task of turning green symbols blue to uncover the truth behind his captivity. |
| In the end, Mark must confront the horror of the sterile office and make a decision that will change his life forever. |
Help & FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
Start with the executive summary to get a bird's eye view.
After that, the high-level menu will offer insights into the story, themes, and characters.
The scene-by-scene analysis will demonstrate how each scene performs across various criteria, summarized in the column headings.
Click on any scene title to view the full analysis, including critiques and suggestions for improvement.
'Other Analyses' provides various insights into your writing and different perspectives, although it might not lead to significant rewrites of your script.
After that, the high-level menu will offer insights into the story, themes, and characters.
The scene-by-scene analysis will demonstrate how each scene performs across various criteria, summarized in the column headings.
Click on any scene title to view the full analysis, including critiques and suggestions for improvement.
'Other Analyses' provides various insights into your writing and different perspectives, although it might not lead to significant rewrites of your script.
Click on the Print Analysis link in the left menu. You can then print to PDF or save it as PDF.
Click the Scene Analysis link on the left menu. Next to each scene title you can click "improve". In the improve page you can select any scene from your script to work on.
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Engine: Gemini
Recommend
Explanation: Severance is a highly original and thought-provoking screenplay with strong potential. The concept is unique and engaging, the dialogue is sharp and witty, and the world-building is excellent. However, the pacing could be tightened, and some characters could be further developed. Overall, Severance is a compelling story that is sure to generate interest from audiences and networks.
Engine: GPT4
Recommend
Explanation: Severance is a compelling and intellectually engaging screenplay that explores deep themes of identity and memory through a unique narrative structure. The protagonist's journey is well-developed, and the dialogue is sharp and meaningful. While the pacing could be improved and some scenes simplified for clarity, the overall narrative is strong and offers significant potential for a thought-provoking film.