Deadpool

Genres: Action, Comedy, Crime, Drama, Romance, Thriller, Superhero, Sci-Fi, Horror, Science, Fiction



Summary Deadpool is a sarcastic mercenary who falls in love with Vanessa, but after being diagnosed with cancer, undergoes mutant gene activation treatments and becomes a superhero named Deadpool. When Vanessa is captured by Ajax and Angel Dust, Deadpool, Colossus, and NTW embark on a mission to rescue her, engaging in a brutal battle in a scrapyard. Ajax taunts Vanessa during the fight, but the heroes ultimately succeed, rescuing her. The post-credit scene hints at the potential cast of Deadpool 2.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay has a good overall structure and pacing, but lacks depth in character development and emotional resonance. The humor and action are well-balanced, but the plot feels formulaic and predictable. The romantic relationship between Wade and Vanessa is charming, but their arc is not fully explored, and the side characters are underutilized. The main conflict with Ajax is resolved in a satisfying manner, but the motivations and stakes of the villains could have been more fleshed out.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, focus on developing the characters and their relationships, particularly Wade and Vanessa's romance and the dynamic between Wade and his sidekicks. Add more emotional weight to the story by delving deeper into Wade's struggles with his disease and his transformation into Deadpool, and by giving the villains more complexity and backstory. Avoid relying too heavily on formulaic superhero tropes and cliches. Consider adding more subversive elements and exploring themes such as identity, morality, and social commentary. Finally, work on enhancing the dialogue and the comedic timing to elevate the humor and keep the audience engaged.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • High-energy action sequences with intense stakes, memorable characters, and great visuals
  • Humorous and witty dialogue that adds depth to the characters and keeps the audience engaged
  • Strong emotional impact in certain scenes that are well-crafted and elevate the overall quality
  • Excellent character development for the main protagonist, showcasing unique traits and a compelling arc
  • Effective use of humor to balance out the more serious and intense moments in the screenplay
Scene Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot development in various scenes, leading to a slow pace and low stakes
  • Some characters lack adequate development or depth, leading to a decreased emotional investment
  • Certain scenes lack thematic exploration and may feel predictable or generic in nature
  • Over-reliance on violence or graphic content that may turn off some viewers
  • Some dialogue may be seen as crass or offensive by certain audiences
Suggestions
  • Explore the themes and characters more deeply in order to enhance their impact and create a more compelling narrative
  • Consider cutting back on graphic content or gratuitous violence and focus on more meaningful character interactions and emotional moments
  • Research historical accuracy when exploring sensitive subjects such as cancer treatment to avoid any potential controversy or offense
  • Experiment with different writing styles and techniques to keep the screenplay fresh and engaging for the reader and viewer
  • Collaborate with other writers or industry professionals to gain feedback and constructive criticism that can improve the overall quality of the screenplay

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Characters 8.9  98 Silence of the lambs: 8.8 Black mirror 304: 8.9
Concept 8.3  89 Pinocchio: 8.2 Deadpool: 8.3
Dialogue 8.3  88 Mr Robot: 8.2 Her: 8.3
Overall 8.5  80 Thor: 8.4 Inception: 8.5
Conflict Level 8.2  75 Stranger things: 8.1 fight Club: 8.2
High Stakes 8.0  75 Everything Everywhere All at Once: 7.9 Deadpool: 8.0
Character Changes 6.1  52 Lucifer: 6.0 Deadpool: 6.1
Story Forward 8.0  51 Mo: 7.9 Labyrinth : 8.0
Emotional Impact 7.4  50 Breaking bad, episode 306: 7.3 Donnie Darko: 7.4
Plot 8.0  48 Mo: 7.9 severance (TV): 8.0



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Deadpool in a Taxi Cab "Humorous" 8 9 7 8 46456 9
2 Deadpool Gives Dating Advice "Humorous" 8 8 7 8 36455 9
3 Taxi Driver Love Advice and Highway Mayhem "humorous, irreverent" 8 8 7 9 5101095 9
4 Deadpool vs Thugs on the Freeway "Light and humorous with high stakes action" 9 8 9 10 3101096 9
5 The Pizza Delivery "Humorous" 9 9 8 10 58685 10
6 Pizza Delivery and Skate Park "Humorous" 9 9 8 9 57586 8
7 Mercenary Meets Sleazy Bar Owner "Humorous, edgy" 7 7 5 9 34345 8
8 Deadpool visits Sister Margaret's "Humorous, gritty" 10 9 9 10 78687 11
9 Arcade Date Night "Lighthearted" 8 7 7 9 54366 9
10 Sex Montage on Holidays "Playful" 7 7 2 8 11135 0
11 Wade and Vanessa's Christmas Engagement "Irreverent, playful" 9 9 8 9 54367 10
12 Devastating News "Dark, yet humorous" 9 10 8 9 8910710 9
13 Spring Cleaning "Irreverent" 9 8 7 9 77778 10
14 Wade's Reflection "Somber" 8 8 7 9 77989 8
15 The Recruitment "Serious" 7 8 7 8 68877 9
16 Desperation World Tour "Hopeful yet Despairing" 9 10 9 9 868710 8
17 Murderous Past "Dark" 8 9 8 8 8101099 7
18 The Transformation "Dark" 10 8 9 10 910111010 7
19 Mutant Treatment Montage "Intense" 9 8 9 8 7101099 7
20 Mutant Gene Activation "Dark" 9 8 9 9 8101099 8
21 Mutant Gene Activation Torture "dark, intense" 9 10 9 8 81011109 7
22 Mutant Gene Activation and Torture "Dark" 8 9 8 7 7101089 6
23 Mutant Gene Activation "Dark" 9 8 9 10 7101198 5
24 Torture and Tension "Dark" 9 8 9 10 71010910 8
25 Mutant Gene Activation and a Fiery Escape "Intense" 8 8 8 9 81010109 7
26 Escape from Torture "Intense" 9 9 9 8 911111010 7
27 Deadpool Tortured and Escapes "Intense, sarcastic" 9 8 9 9 81010109 8
28 Escape and Confrontation "Dark" 8 8 8 9 7101098 7
29 Deadpool's Transformation and Montage "Humorous, Fast Paced" 9 8 8 9 83375 9
30 Deadpool's Cab Ride and the Capture of a Super-Slave "humorous" 8 7 8 8 571086 7
31 Deadpool talks to Blind Al "Humorous\/Intense" 8 9 8 9 47386 10
32 Deadpool searches for Vanessa "Humorous, suspenseful" 8.5 9 7 8 69887 9
33 Kidnapping Vanessa "Humorous, suspenseful" 8 8 8 9 59987 9
34 The Rescue Mission Begins "Humorous, yet tense" 8 7 8 8 69896 9
35 Fight at the Scrapyard "Intense" 9 8 9 9 6101098 8
36 Rescue in the Scrapyard "Tense" 9 8 9 8 6101097 7
37 Deadpool's Last Stand "humorous and intense" 8 8 9 9 491095 8
38 Rescuing Vanessa and Confronting Ajax "Dark" 9 8 9 10 7101098 8
39 Deadpool and Ajax's Final Battle "Intense, comedic" 9 8 9 10 7101098 9
40 untitled null 0 0 0 0 00000 0
41 Rescue and Tease "Humorous, light-hearted" 9 8 8 9 610997 9


Scene 1 - Deadpool in a Taxi Cab
DEADPOOL
Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick




Final Shooting Script - November 16, 2015


TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
10201 W. Pico Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90035

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. COPYRIGHT ©2015 TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX FILM
CORPORATION. NO PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED,
PUBLISHED, REPRODUCED, SOLD OR DISTRIBUTED BY ANY MEANS, OR QUOTED
OR PUBLISHED IN ANY MEDIUM, INCLUDING ANY WEB SITE, WITHOUT THE
PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT OF TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX FILM CORPORATION.
DISPOSAL OF THIS SCRIPT COPY DOES NOT ALTER ANY OF THE
RESTRICTIONS SET FORTH ABOVE.
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 1.


OVER BLACK. Low volume, through a tinny speaker, JUICE
NEWTON’S ‘ANGEL OF THE MORNING.’

FADE UP ON:

1 EXT./INT. TAXI CAB - MORNING 1

DEADPOOL, in full DRESS REDS and MASK, quietly FIDGETS in the
BACK SEAT of a TAXI CAB as it proceeds along a CITY FREEWAY.

Deadpool adjusts the two KATANAS strapped to his back. Rolls
the WINDOWS up, down, up. Tries futilely to untwist the
seatbelt, then LUNGES forward, locking it up. Rifles through
a tourist booklet and tears out a HAUNTED SEGWAY TOUR coupon.
The CABBIE, young, thin, brown, glances back and forth from
the rear view to the road to the rear view.

DEADPOOL
Kinda lonesome back here.

CUT TO: DEADPOOL, WEDGING himself through the opening
between the back seat and front. His two katanas don’t
cooperate, catching on the Plexiglas, stalling him mid-torso.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Little help?

The cabbie grabs Deadpool’s hand and pulls him through to the
front. Deadpool’s head rests upside down on the bench seat
as he maneuvers his legs through. The cabbie turns the
helping hand into a HANDSHAKE, then turns down the Juice.

CABBIE
Dopinder.

DEADPOOL
(still upside-down)
Pool. Deadpool.

Dopinder is remarkably UNAFFECTED by the lunatic in his cab.

DOPINDER
Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?

DEADPOOL
It’s like Christmas Day, Dopinder. Been
waiting one thousand eight hundred twenty-
two days, three hours...
(checks ‘Adventure Time’
watch)
...and thirty-six minutes for this shit.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 2.
1 CONTINUED: 1

DEADPOOL turns himself RIGHT-SIDE-UP in the front seat. He
is YOKED to the gills and ARMED to the teeth. TWIN KATANAS.
TWIN DESERT EAGLE .50 CALIBER PISTOLS.

Deadpool grabs Dopinder’s OPEN BAG of CORN NUTS. Dopinder
isn’t quick enough to stop him. Deadpool gazes out the
window onto the city - a teeming, sooty urban sprawl that
looks almost... pre-post-apocalyptic.

Deadpool turns up his MASK. Dopinder catches a GLIMPSE of
the bottom of a SCARRED face. And quickly looks AWAY.
Deadpool eats the CORN NUTS. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. Points.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Nice.

Dopinder eyes his DAFFODIL DAYDREAM AIR FRESHENER and takes a
deep breath through his nose.

DOPINDER
Smells good, no?

DEADPOOL
Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl.

A PICTURE of a young INDIAN WOMAN is taped to the dash.

DOPINDER
Ah yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. She
was supposed to make me a very agreeable
wife. Mom and Dad chose her rather
excellently. But Gita’s heart has been
stolen by my cousin Bandhu. Bandhu is as
dishonorable as he is attractive.

DEADPOOL
Dopinder, I’m starting to think I’m in
this cab for a reason.

DOPINDER
Because you hailed it?

DEADPOOL
No, my slender brown friend... to give
you one crucial piece of advice: Love...
is a beautiful thing. When it finds you,
the whole world smells like Daffodil
Daydream.

Deadpool’s own heartbreak is palpable. He takes another
deep, cleansing BREATH.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 3.
1 CONTINUED: (2) 1

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
So hold onto love tight. Go at Bandhu
hard. Get Gita back. Or else... the
whole world will taste like Mama June
after hot yoga.

DOPINDER
And how does Ms. Mama June taste?

DEADPOOL
Like two hobos making love under a
drizzle of Limburger- I could go all day
like this. Point is, bad.

Deadpool chucks the bag of Corn Nuts into the back seat and
pulls out his PISTOLS. He starts CHAMBERING shells into two
magazines.

Suddenly, he frantically pats himself down, like a Hollywood
agent who can’t find his phone.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Shiiiit. My extra mags! I usually leave
them right by the door so I’ll trip over
them! Someone must’ve moved them...

2 INT. DEADPOOL’S LAIR - DAY 2

A blind late-70’s AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMAN in a purple floral
dress enters the front door, falls as she trips over an ‘I
*HEART* HELLO KITTY’ DUFFEL BAG of AMMUNITION, PICKS it UP,
and CARRIES it OFF.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Deadpool is in the back of a taxi cab, in full dress reds and mask, fidgeting and adjusting his katana. He engages the young cab driver in conversation, giving him advice on love while chambering shells into his two pistols. Deadpool realizes his extra mags are missing and a blind old lady picks them up and carries them off.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue, strong visuals, vibrant character design"
Weaknesses "Lack of significant plot development"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with strong character dialogue and interactions. It effectively sets up Deadpool's quirky personality while also introducing the character of Dopinder and his storyline. However, a few improvements could benefit the scene.

Firstly, the opening with "Angel of the Morning" playing over black could be stronger if it served more of a purpose. Right now it feels somewhat random and could benefit from either tying into a later moment or being replaced altogether.

Additionally, while the dialogue between Deadpool and Dopinder is entertaining, it could be tighter and have more purpose towards moving the plot forward. The conversation about Gita and Bandhu feels slightly disconnected from the rest of the scene and could benefit either from more context or being cut down.

Finally, while the ending of the scene with the African-American woman carrying off the ammunition is a humorous moment, it feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the scene and could benefit from being tied in more clearly to the ongoing plot. Overall, the scene has strong dialogue and character work, but could use tighter focus on the plot at hand.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene could benefit from having a clear objective or goal for Deadpool. It's unclear why he's in the taxi and what he's trying to accomplish.

Secondly, adding more conflict or tension to the scene would make it more engaging for the audience. Perhaps the taxi is being followed or there's a ticking clock element to whatever Deadpool's mission is.

Thirdly, the dialogue could be tightened up to make it more snappy and witty, which is a hallmark of Deadpool's character. The conversation between Deadpool and Dopinder about love feels a bit forced and could be rewritten to be more humorous and in line with the character's personality.

Lastly, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and action. As a screenplay, it's important to paint a picture for the reader and including more details about the setting and actions of the characters will make it easier for the filmmakers to translate onto screen.



Scene 2 - Deadpool Gives Dating Advice
3 INT./EXT. TAXI CAB - MORNING 3

DOPINDER
Shall we turn back?

DEADPOOL
No time. Not today.
(slides in last bullets)
Ten, eleven, twelve... or bust.
(chambers a shell into each
gun, looks up)
Right here!

The cab SCREECHES to a stop on the shoulder of the highest
FREEWAY in a massive INTERCHANGE of freeways. Dopinder halts
the meter and hands Deadpool his CARD.

DOPINDER
My card. That’s $27.50.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 4.
3 CONTINUED: 3

DEADPOOL
Oooo. I never carry a wallet when I'm
working. Ruins the lines of my suit.
How 'bout a crisp high five?

Dopinder stares as he and Deadpool slap skin. Deadpool GETS
OUT of the cab.

DOPINDER
Be sure to... ask for me again?

DEADPOOL
I owe you one. Merry Christmas,
Dopinder.

DOPINDER
And a convivial... Tuesday in April to
you, Pool... Guy.

Deadpool closes the door with a flourish. Boom.

4 EXT./INT. ‘THE RAFT’ PRISON - MORNING 4

A bone-white ISLAND PRISON, affectionately nicknamed ‘The
Raft,’ looms ominously in a CITY HARBOR.

Etched in helvetica into the prison wall: ‘No punishment has
ever possessed enough power of deterrence to prevent the
commission of crimes.’ - Hannah Arendt. Below it, GRAFFITIED
in RED SPRAY PAINT: ‘Until NOW’

The prison’s FRONT DOORS OPEN, and out steps a handcuffed
PRISONER, 30’s, ORANGE JUMPSUIT, broad shoulders, whip-smart,
tightly coiled, with cool, dead-blue eyes. BURLY GUARDS
guide him across a CAUSEWAY toward a CONVOY of Escalades and
Ducatis on shore.

The middle Escalade’s door opens. The prisoner stops. The
guards unlock his CUFFS.

GUARD
You’re someone else’s problem now.

The ex-prisoner STRETCHES his arms and strides TOWARD the
convoy.

PRISONER
Yes. I. Am.

CUE SALT & PEPA’S ‘SHOOP:’
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 5.


5 EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY 5

DEADPOOL sits on the edge of the highest freeway on the
overpass, legs dangling over the side like Huck Finn.

DEADPOOL
Can I get some fries with that shake-
shake boobie? If looks could kill you
would be an uzi.

Deadpool is using some broken CRAYONS to draw something on a
scrap of paper. REVERSE ANGLE to REVEAL a childish drawing
of Deadpool SHOOTING another man in the head, brains blowing
out.

The victim’s thought bubble reads: ‘OUCHIE!!!’ Even through
the mask, Deadpool looks pleased by this.

He turns to CAMERA:

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Oh, hello, Deadpool here. You may be
wondering whose balls I had to fondle to
get my own movie. Rhymes with
‘Polverine.’ Couple’a smooth criminals.
(ALT:)
In a word, gorgeous.
(ALT:)
Surprisingly little hair down there.
(ALT:)
It’s a jungle down there.
(ALT:)
Thick underbrush.
(beat)
Anyway, I smell Oscar. The suit’s gonna
match the carpet. Now... places to be...
faces to fix... bad guys to kill...

ANGLE ON a distant BIRD’S EYE VIEW of the freeway
interchange: an interwoven tangle of ramps.

6 EXT. REMOTE AIRFIELD - MORNING 6

AJAX, 30’s, dead-blue eyes, broad shoulders, whip-smart,
tightly coiled stands at ease on a cracked and blistered
tarmac. Behind him, a HEAVILY ARMED CONVOY OF DUCATIS and
ESCALADES. FOUR LARGE ALUMINUM CARGO CRATES sit beside him.

Ajax squints into the sun as A BELL HELICOPTER thrashes the
air above him, kicking up dust as it lands.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 6.
6 CONTINUED: 6

A SERBIAN WARLORD, mid-50’s, sharply dressed, armored
BRIEFCASE in hand, climbs out. He is surrounded by ARMED
GUARDS.

The Warlord places the BRIEFCASE on the FOREMOST CRATE. Ajax
pops the case... to find STACKS upon STACKS of THOUSAND
DOLLAR BILLS. Satisfied, he closes the briefcase and hands
it to one of his men.

AJAX
(bangs crate)
They won’t disappoint.

WARLORD
They’d better not. And next month’s
shipment?

AJAX
There won’t be one. Demand is high. You
aren’t the only one with a war to win.

WARLORD
(steps forward)
That won’t do.

Both sets of armed thugs shift to ready positions.

Ajax smiles calmly, but his free hand DARTS OUT and CASUALLY
LIFTS the warlord into the air by the THROAT. Fingers find
triggers on both sides.

AJAX
There’s been a small... disruption in our
supply chain. We’ll deliver in full the
following month. Say, ten percent off
for the inconvenience?

The Warlord manages to nod in acquiescence. Ajax smiles
again, lowers him gasping to the ground.

AJAX (CONT’D)
We appreciate your business.

Ajax spins and walks purposefully toward the line of waiting
SUV’s.

The warlord angrily motions for his men to begin loading the
crates into the helicopter, which they do.

WARLORD
(sotto voce)
Fucking mutant.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 7.
6 CONTINUED: (2) 6

Behind him the convoy of SUV’s and motorcycles pull out,
falling into line as they accelerate past the rows of
derelict aircraft.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Deadpool sits in the back of a cab giving dating advice to the young driver while preparing his weapons. He realizes his extra magazines are missing and an old blind woman takes them. The scene ends with Deadpool sliding out of the cab on the side of a busy freeway.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue and character interaction, introduction of main character."
Weaknesses "Plot is not significantly moved forward, low emotional impact and character development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with clear descriptions and dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the opening exchange between Dopinder and Deadpool feels a bit forced and could benefit from some more natural dialogue. Secondly, the childish drawing of Deadpool shooting another man in the head may be a bit too graphic, even for a film with a mature content rating.

Lastly, it may be helpful to provide a bit more context for the scene at the remote airfield. While the dialogue between Ajax and the warlord is clear, it's not entirely clear what is happening with the crates and helicopters. Some additional description or action may help to clarify the scene for the audience.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more character development and added tension. Consider fleshing out the relationship between Deadpool and Dopinder, as well as adding more suspense to the interaction between Ajax and the Warlord. Additionally, the dialogue could use some tightening and polishing to improve its flow and rhythm. Lastly, consider incorporating more visual elements to enhance the impact of the scene.



Scene 3 - Taxi Driver Love Advice and Highway Mayhem
7 EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY 7

DEADPOOL watches as the convoy approaches. He CASUALLY gets
up as if standing up out of an easy chair...

DEADPOOL
On your mark, get set, go, let me go, let
me shoop...

He PIROUETTES, and DROPS an entire level DOWN...

8 INT. ESCALADE - MORNING 8

THROUGH the SUNROOF of an ESCALADE. SMASH!

There are FOUR HUGE BAD-ASSES inside the S.U.V., two in
front, two behind. Deadpool lands back-middle in a HAILSTORM
of GLASS. He stuns the men to both sides with elbows to the
face as he raises his arms in greeting.

DEADPOOL
¡Hola! ¡Me llamo Piscina De La Muerte!
(subtitled, in YELLOW:)
Hello! My name is the Pool of Death.
There’s no easy way to say this. I’m
pregnant, Trevor.
(ALT:)
Any of you seen Green Lantern? Me
neither.

BOOM! MAYHEM ERUPTS as the two men in back find themselves
sharing a phone booth with the TASMANIAN DEVIL: ELBOWS.
FOREARMS. KNEES. CRACKING. CRUNCHING. SCREAMING.

From BEHIND, the Escalade BUCKS and BOUNCES down the road on
its suspension, almost CARTOON-LIKE.

A brutal punch spins Deadpool UPSIDE-DOWN, and he rolls with
it, uses his FEET to BREAK the man’s NECK. The other man
stomps on his head, then drags him up and SMUSHES Deadpool’s
face into the seat’s premium trim.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Rich... Corinthian... Leather.

Deadpool HURLS the man through THROUGH the TAILGATE WINDOW.

The man clutches the TAILGATE, DRAGGED behind the S.U.V.
Deadpool sticks his head between the two guys in FRONT.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 8.
8 CONTINUED: 8

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Scuse, por favor!

The DRIVER SLAMS Deadpool’s head into the console repeatedly.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Deadpool squirms away and WRESTLES VIOLENTLY with the guy in
the PASSENGER SEAT.

He GRABS the PASSENGER SEAT-BELT, TIES it around the guy’s
ANKLE, and KICKS him out the PASSENGER SIDE DOOR. The guy’s
HEAD and SHOULDERS SMACK pavement, where he’s DRAGGED
mercilessly by his ANKLE - a modern COWBOY whose boot just
got stuck in his horse’s STIRRUP.

Deadpool grabs the driver by the HAIR on the BACK of his HEAD
and BANGS his FOREHEAD into:

The horn. HONK. HONK. The stereo. Every time the driver’s
forehead SMACKS the face of the stereo, the RADIO STATION
CHANGES:

MARIACHI. DR. DREW. MONSTER TRUCK COMMERCIAL (’SUNDAY,
SUNDAY, SUNDAY!’). One more SMACK to get us back to
MARIACHI.

Deadpool looks in the REAR VIEW MIRROR to see the man in back
CRAWL up the tailgate.

Deadpool PUSHES in the Cadillac’s CIGARETTE LIGHTER.

Back to the DRIVER. Deadpool BASHES his face into the
DRIVER’s SIDE WINDOW. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

We’re now OUTSIDE the Escalade, seeing the driver’s
expression take on a ridiculous silly-putty-esque grimace of
pain every time it’s MUSHED into the glass.

The man in back scrambles forward. The CIGARETTE LIGHTER
POPS OUT. Deadpool YANKS the EMERGENCY BRAKE. The man in
back LAUNCHES forward and SMACKS the DASHBOARD.

Deadpool STABS the now ORANGE-HOT lighter into the man’s
forehead, burning the COIL PATTERN into his skin. The man
SCREAMS.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Loved your work in Daredevil.

Deadpool stuffs the lighter INTO the man’s mouth and CLAMPS
his hand over it.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 9.
8 CONTINUED: (2) 8

The man hollers in muffled agony. A MOTORCYCLE has pulled
AHEAD of the ESCALADE and now sits, STOPPED, in its path.

The helmeted RIDER OPENS FIRE with a SUB-MACHINE GUN.

Deadpool has one hand grasped on the back of the driver’s
neck, still mashing his face into the window glass, and the
OTHER hand still clamped over the second man’s mouth. He
plants both FEET on the steering wheel and ‘drives,’ spinning
the wheel, sending the S.U.V. into...

...a ROLL. The Escalade goes ENDO, SOMERSAULTING WILDLY.

Suddenly, the ACTION BEGINS TO SLOW...

The motorcycle RIDER tries to bail out. NO LUCK. The
tumbling Escalade PLOWS RIGHT INTO him AND his bike.

Parts scatter off the motorcycle, including its CHAIN. The
RIDER continues to SQUEEZE off ROUNDS as he goes FLYING.

Inside the Escalade, Deadpool goes SPIN-CYCLE. The DRIVER
flies through the sunroof, tearing out its remaining glass.
BLOOD spatters. The other man spits out the glowing
CIGARETTE LIGHTER. The guy whose ankle is still tangled in
the seat-belt FLAILS through the air like a rag-doll, AHAB
tied to MOBY DICK.

The action CONTINUES to SLOW... until it FREEZES.

The camera swoops in to Deadpool’s face, upside down.

HE TURNS HIS HEAD TO CAMERA FOR THE FIRST TIME, BREAKING THE
FOURTH WALL, THE ONLY THING IN THE SCENE THAT’S MOVING:

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Shit. Did I leave the stove on?

We RAMP back UP to FULL SPEED. The S.U.V. CARTWHEELS. The
guy’s ankle untangles from the seat-belt. He FLIES high
toward a big HIGHWAY EXIT SIGN and... SPLAT... out of frame.

The RIDER’s NECK is SLICED by the flying MOTORCYCLE CHAIN.

The DRIVER is half-way out the SUNROOF when the S.U.V. rolls
over him. SQUISH.

The man who ate the CIGARETTE LIGHTER now eats pavement.

VX8 EXT. X-MANSION - DAY VX8

A sign reads ‘PROFESSOR XAVIER’S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED
YOUNGSTERS.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 10.
VX8 CONTINUED: VX8

REPORTER (O.S.)
Breaking news. A multicar collision
turns shots fired on the crosstown
expressway...

The sign sits on the perfectly manicured front lawn of the
gorgeous Gothic X-MANSION.

VX8 INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS VX8

The X-Men’s COLOSSUS. A GOOD-NATURED GIANT with CHROME METAL
FOR SKIN. BIG AS A BARN. OTHER-WORLDLY STRONG. He is
sitting in the kitchen, eating a bowl of GRAPE NUTS and
finishing a SUDOKU, his attention suddenly drawn to a
TELEVISION SCREEN:

REPORTER
The assailant appears to be wearing a...

COLOSSUS REPORTER (CONT'D)
Red suit? Red suit.

With an audible CRACK, the pencil in Colossus’ thick fingers
snaps. He rises, muttering Russian curses and stalks from
the kitchen.

VC8 INT. HANGAR - MOMENTS LATER VC8

Massive STEEL BLAST DOORS emblazoned with a huge “X” slide
open to reveal COLOSSUS. He walks quickly and purposefully
towards a big plane in the center of the huge space: the
BLACKBIRD, the X-Men’s modified XR-71 jet transport.

Struggling to keep up with the giant’s long strides is a
supernaturally CUTE, supernaturally DEADPAN 15-YEAR-OLD GIRL,
in an X-MEN outfit. NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD.

COLOSSUS
I’ve given Deadpool every chance to join
us. And what is my reward? More
immaturity and criminality! When will he
finally grow up and see benefits of
becoming X-Man?

NTW
Like... The house that blows up every few
years? The fashion-forward jump-suits?
I need to get myself kicked out of X-
School.

COLOSSUS
But I thought you were at top of class.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 11.
VC8 CONTINUED: VC8

NTW
Was that sarcasm? Awesome.

COLOSSUS
You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is
most important meal of day.
(hands NTW a protein bar)
Here. Protein bar, good for bones.
Deadpool may try to break yours.

NTW shoves the bar in a pocket of her coat without breaking
stride.
Genres: ["action","comedy"]

Summary Deadpool gives love advice to a young cab driver while preparing his weapons in the back of a taxi. He loses his extra magazines to a blind old woman and slides out of the cab on a busy freeway, where he engages in a high-speed action sequence.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue, fast-paced action"
Weaknesses "Lack of character development"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is well-written and has a clear sense of action and humor. The character of Deadpool is vividly portrayed as a quick-witted and highly skilled fighter, which makes the action sequences exciting and engaging. The use of subtitles and alternate dialogue is clever and adds to the overall humor of the scene. The scene also effectively sets up the character of Colossus and his relationship with Deadpool, as well as introduces the character of Negasonic Teenage Warhead. However, the scene could benefit from more detailed physical descriptions and clear blocking to help the director and actors execute the action smoothly.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to tighten the action and dialogue. There are a lot of moments where Deadpool is delivering one-liners or quips, but it can become overwhelming for the audience if there are too many in a short amount of time. Additionally, some of the action sequences and descriptions may be difficult to visualize clearly, so simplifying and streamlining them could help enhance the clarity and impact of the scene. Lastly, there could be more focus on character development and motivations, particularly with Colossus and his relationships with Deadpool and the X-Men. This could add more depth and emotional weight to the scene.



Scene 4 - Deadpool vs Thugs on the Freeway
9 EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - MORNING 9

The S.U.V. slides to a halt ON ITS SIDE, PASSENGER WINDOWS
UP. The rest of the CONVOY is forced to stop BEHIND.

A BUNCH of MEN PILE OUT, each one carrying a BEASTLY GUN and
POINTING it STRAIGHT at the disabled S.U.V.

The last noise is made by one final dislodged HUBCAP, which
rattles in little circles until it lies FLAT on the freeway.

TWO SILENT BEATS. Then we hear the soft, ELECTRIC BUZZ of
the Escalade’s middle passenger window ROLLING DOWN. Up pops
the HEAD of DEADPOOL, like the GOPHER in Caddyshack.

BANG BANG BANG BANG.

DEADPOOL
Wait, wait...

The head drops, the hands come up. BANG.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Wait! You’re probably wondering. Why the
red suit? It’s so bad guys can’t see me
bleed. This guy has the idea. He wore
the brown pants.
(to camera)
All together now...

The THUGS immediately OPEN FIRE.

Deadpool is already leaping upward, flipping backwards,
bullets tearing the air beneath him as he pulls out those TWO
MASSIVE .50 CAL PISTOLS... and in slo-mo, RETURNS FIRE.

Deadpool keeps count of every bullet he fires:

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Twelve..!


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 12.
9 CONTINUED: 9

A SHELL-CASING is EJECTED. We enter EXTREME SLO-MO and SWOOP
IN on the shell as it TUMBLES through the air...

...revealing the number ‘00012’ ETCHED in a semi-circle on
its butt end. Deadpool FIRES the second pistol. We move
instantly to the second shell: ‘00011’

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Eleven...

FULL SPEED. The first TWO THUGS get a MOUTHFUL of BULLET.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Ten...

ANOTHER SHOT. A THUG takes one in the HEART. The other
thugs POUR LEAD into the disabled S.U.V.

Deadpool LEAPS UP and OUT of the window, rising ABOVE the
incoming shots, then LANDING SAFELY BEHIND the Escalade.

Deadpool TURNS to SPY a MOTORCYCLE RIDER BEARING DOWN ON HIM.
This rider wears a distinctive SILVER HELMET.

Deadpool raises BOTH pistols. This RIDER LEANS away, dodging
each slug. First left, then right, then left.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Nine. Shit! Eight. Fuck! Seven. Shit-
fuck!

The bike WHIZZES PAST safely, firing bullets, DEADPOOL
follows, leaping high, flipping over the S.U.V.

He lands smoothly the other side, right BEHIND a thug who’s
looking in the other direction as he sneaks around the car.

Deadpool SHRUGS and SHOOTS him in the BACK of the HEAD at
POINT BLANK RANGE.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Six.

The shell tumbles to the ground, falls still. ‘00006’

Deadpool opens the Escalade. His target is NOT THERE.

BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG. Deadpool is nearly BROUGHT DOWN by
a particularly big thug with a particularly big AK-47.

He dives behind another Escalade, takes a moment to search
the interior through the windows... and then flinches as AK-
47 bullets pass THROUGH the skin of the S.U.V. around him.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 13.
9 CONTINUED: (2) 9

One of the bullets lands in DEADPOOL’S BICEP. Deadpool
yelps, in pain... then stuffs some of his torn red suit
fabric into the hole to staunch the bleeding.

Then he scrambles AROUND the S.U.V., trying to close the
distance to this guy through a WITHERING BARRAGE of fire.

Another of the AK’s slugs SLICES a swath out of the mask on
Deadpool’s head, SINGING his hair.

DEADPOOL.
Fuck. You.

Deadpool lands in FRONT of the thug. The thug pulls his
trigger again, only to - CLICK - realize he’s OUT of BULLETS.

DEADPOOL
Someone’s not counting. Cinco.

The bullet HITS the thug in the throat. ‘00005’

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Me gusta cinco.

Deadpool STRIDES past the fallen thug, pawing at his singed
hair - ow - and then out of sheer, pumped-up ANGER...

...turns and PUMPS TWO MORE SUPERFLUOUS BULLETS into him.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Four. Three. Stupid. Worth it.

The SILVER-HELMETED MOTORCYCLE RIDER makes another pass,
FIRING. Deadpool ducks behind the S.U.V. again.

20 yards away, a GROUP of thugs TAKE COVER behind the final
S.U.V. One pulls out a HAND-GRENADE, RAISES HIS ARM to
throw.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
(chuckles)
Number two...

Deadpool FIRES, SHOOTING the GRENADE in the thug’s FIST.
BOOM! The whole CLUSTER of THUGS drops.

Deadpool emerges from behind the S.U.V., feeling victorious.

He approaches the final S.U.V. and throws open the doors to
search, expecting to find his target at last.

Inside is a rumpled orange prison coverall, but NOT the
PRISONER. Deadpool gets childishly angry.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 14.
9 CONTINUED: (3) 9

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
What the shit-biscuit! Where you at,
Francis?

Worse, CLICK-CLACK. The distinctive COCKING of SHOTGUNS.

3 final THUGS stand on the freeway, lined up perpendicular to
Deadpool, SHOULDER-TO-SHOULDER, FIRING BENELLI COMBAT
SHOTGUNS. BAM! BAM! BAM!

Deadpool ducks behind the S.U.V. and raises a PISTOL. We
ZOOM IN through the CHAMBER to spy the last BULLET, POISED in
front of the FIRING PIN:

‘00001’

Deadpool thinks, then LEAPS from behind the ‘SCLADE, TWISTS
forward and right.

All 3 THUGS FIRE again. BUCKSHOT rips into DEADPOOL’s BACK.

But he LANDS so that all 3 men are now parallel to him...

...in A SINGLE-FILE LINE.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
One.

BOOM! We’re with the FINAL BULLET as it HURTLES from the gun
and passes THROUGH the first man’s head... then the SECOND
man’s head... and SMACKS the third man in the forehead.

This third man, the BIGGEST THUG YET, HITS the DECK.

Deadpool puts his mouth to his pistol barrel, INHALES... and
then EXHALES smoke through the pores of his mask.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
I’m touching myself tonight.

But then, as if by magic, the third thug STIRS... and STANDS.

The SLUG has LODGED partway in his FOREHEAD, having lost just
enough momentum that it didn’t make it all the way through.

The thug sneers, plucks out the slug, wipes away some blood,
and rolls up his SLEEVES.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Really? Rolling up the sleeves?

Deadpool reaches back. We hear the THRILLING SOUND...



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 15.
9 CONTINUED: (4) 9

...of STEEL BLADES being DRAWN. Out come Deadpool’s
TRADEMARK KATANAS. The thug’s eyes widen as...

...SWOOSH... the blades swing through the air and SKEWER him,
between two different ribs and out the BACK.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
I know what you’re thinking...

The action SLOWS again to a FREEZE. Deadpool is in mid-
slice, muscles bulging.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
I’ll bet he works out. So what if I am
pulling the double shift at the ab-
factory? What if I do want my man menu
to feature the shredded beef? Call it
insecurity. But I haven’t touched a carb
since...
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Deadpool engages in a high-speed action sequence against a group of armed thugs on a freeway, showing off his skills and witty humor. He ends up discovering that his target is not in the SUV and gets shot in the arm, but ultimately defeats all the thugs except one, whom he dispatches with his katanas.
Strengths "High-energy action sequence, witty humor, Deadpool's charisma and unique character traits"
Weaknesses "Limited emotional impact or character development, lack of significant plot advancement"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot give personal opinions or critique screenplays in the traditional sense. However, I can provide feedback based on industry standards and elements of effective screenwriting.

This scene from Deadpool begins with a clear and action-packed description of a high-stakes scenario. The visuals are vivid and the audience can easily imagine the scene playing out on-screen. The use of slow-motion and narration adds to the humor and tone of the film.

The dialogue adds depth to Deadpool's character, showcasing his humor and quirkiness. The use of counting down his shots also adds tension and makes the scene more engaging for the audience.

Overall, the scene seems well-structured and engaging, with clear action and humor. However, it's important to keep in mind that a screenplay should convey the story and characters in a way that a director, producer, and actors can bring it to life on-screen. Therefore, it's important to ensure that the action and dialogue are clear and easy to follow.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is action-packed and exciting, but there are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Clarify the location and setting: The opening line mentions a freeway overpass, but it's not clear where this takes place or what type of area it is. Adding a bit more detail about the surroundings and location could help give the scene more context.

2. Improve the dialogue: While some of Deadpool's lines are funny and memorable, others feel a bit forced or cheesy. Finding a more consistent tone and voice for the character's dialogue could make the scene more cohesive.

3. Simplify some of the action: There are a lot of moving parts in this scene, with multiple thugs and weapons and slow-motion shots. Simplifying some of the action and making it easier to follow could help the scene flow better and feel less cluttered.

4. Tighten up the pacing: While the action is exciting, there are moments where the scene drags a bit. Cutting down on some of the slower beats and keeping the energy level high throughout could help make the scene even more engaging.



Scene 5 - The Pizza Delivery
10 INT. FOYER, TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT - PAST 10

Title: 6 Years Ago

A sleazy, mid-thirties MAN, GAVIN MERCHANT, decked out in
DRAGON PRINT V-NECK and STUDDED JEANS, is MID-ARGUMENT with a
late teen, pimply-faced PIZZA DELIVERY GUY, whose name-tag
reads: JEREMY.

MERCHANT
Will it help if I slow down? I didn’t.
Order. The pizza.

JEREMY
This 7348 Red Ledge Drive?
(off nod)
And you’re... Mr. Merchant?

MERCHANT
The Mr. Merchant who didn’t. Order.
The. Fucking. Pie.

JEREMY
Then who placed the call?

A TOILET flushes in another room, and both men turn.

WADE (O.S.)
I did.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 16.
10 CONTINUED: 10

The VOICE comes from over Merchant’s shoulder. WADE WILSON
(the future DEADPOOL, MINUS the SCARS and SUIT), handsome,
boyish, cheerily steps from through a doorway and into the
living room wiping his hands on a towel.

Merchant STARES, incredulous.

WADE (CONT’D)
Pineapple and olive?

Jeremy NODS.

WADE (CONT’D)
Sweet and salty.

MERCHANT
The fuck are you? And what are you doing
in my crib?!

Without even turning toward Merchant, Wade PULLS OUT A .50
CALIBER DESERT EAGLE PISTOL and nonchalantly AIMS it at him.
Merchant and Jeremy both go pale.

WADE
(to Jeremy)
Burnt crust?

JEREMY
God I hope not.
(opens the box, winces)
Words cannot express-

WADE
Relax, son, that’s hows I likes it! Once
you go black, you never go back!
(takes pizza)

MERCHANT
(stammering)
This is about the poker game, right? I
told Howie... Listen, take whatever you
want!

Merchant fumbles with his wallet and starts to hand Wade the
bills inside. Wade takes the ENTIRE WALLET instead.

WADE
Thanks!

JEREMY
(to Wade)
Uh. Sir? Before you do anything to him.
Could I have a big tip?


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 17.
10 CONTINUED: (2) 10

WADE
(already munching)
Jeremy, is it?

JEREMY
Yeah.

WADE
Wade Wilson.
(quick fist bump)
Jeremy, that’s a no go on the tiperoo.
I’m not here for him.
(levels gun at Jeremy)
I’m here for you.

Jeremy’s eyes widen. Wade holds up a YELLOW CARD, featuring
an embedded SIM. Below the logo of a CYPRESS TREE is the
name of Wade’s intended target: ‘GARRETT, JEREMY.’

Merchant breathes a sigh of relief.

MERCHANT
Dodged a big time bullet on that o-

Wade PISTOL-PUNCHES/POKES Merchant in the forehead. Merchant
howls.

WADE
(re: studded jeans)
Not out of the woods yet. You need to
seriously ease up on the bedazzling.
They’re jeans, not a chandelier.
(sniffs)
And the Axe body spray.

JEREMY
(sheepish)
That’s unfortunately me.

WADE
PS, I’m keeping your wallet. Ya did
kinda give it to me...

MERCHANT
Can I at least have my Sam’s Club card
baaa-

Wade points the pistol at Merchant again, sending him
backpedaling into a chair.

WADE
I will shoot your fucking cat.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 18.
10 CONTINUED: (3) 10

MERCHANT
I don’t have a cat!

WADE
Then whose kitty-litter did I just shit
in?
(turns to Jeremy)
Anyhoo, you by chance know a Meghan
Orlovsky? Getting that right? Orlovsky?
Orloskvy? Do you?

Jeremy manages a timid little NOD.

WADE (CONT’D)
Good. ‘Cause she knows you.

Wade holsters the pistol and WHIPS out a HUNTING KNIFE. He
twirls it adeptly... but instead of holding it to Jeremy’s
neck... CUTS himself a SLICE of PIZZA.

WADE (CONT’D)
What situation isn’t improved by pizza?

Wade shovels half the slice into his mouth, revealing an Army
SPECIAL FORCES TATTOO on his forearm: A SKULL WEARING A
GREEN BERET, BACKED BY A BLADE, AND THE WORDS ‘DE OPPRESSO
LIBER’ (official motto of the U.S. Army Special Forces).

WADE (CONT’D)
(through chews)
Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who
take a dime to beat a fella down.
(cuts another pizza slice)
Little Meghan’s not made of money, but
lucky her, I’ve got a soft spot.

Wade brings the next pizza slice over to Merchant. Wade
nearly hands it to him but lets go too soon. The slice falls
flat - pineapple down - onto the floor at Merchant’s feet.

JEREMY
B-but I’m-

WADE
(returns to Jeremy)
A stalker. Threats hurt, Jer. Though
not nearly as bad as serrated steel.

Wade pokes the end of his knife into Jeremy’s chest, pinning
him against the wall.

WADE (CONT’D)
So keep away from Meghan. We cool?


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 19.
10 CONTINUED: (4) 10

JEREMY
Y-yeah.

A beat. In a huge ANTI-CLIMAX, Wade deftly twirls his knife
AWAY from Jeremy’s chest, SPINS it on his finger, and JAMS it
back into its SLEEVE.

WADE
Then we’re done.

JEREMY
W-we are?

WADE
Soft spot, remember? But even look in
her general direction again? You’ll
learn in the worst of ways.
(pats Jeremy’s cheek)
I’ve got some hard spots too.
(pauses)
That came out wrong. Or did it?
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Wade Wilson, pre-Deadpool, delivers a pizza to a sleazy man named Merchant and threatens a pizza delivery guy named Jeremy to stay away from Meghan Orlovsky.
Strengths "The humorous dialogue and Wade's personality shine through as he interacts with the pizza delivery guy."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't have much relevance to the main plot."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively sets up Wade's character as a witty, sarcastic anti-hero with a penchant for violence. The dialogue is sharp and humorous, with some clever wordplay and pop culture references.

However, one criticism is that the opening action of the scene - Gavin Merchant arguing with Jeremy about a pizza delivery - feels a bit extraneous and doesn't ultimately serve much purpose in the larger story. While it's understandable that this may be intended to establish Gavin as an unsavory character, there might be more efficient ways to do so that directly tie into the plot.

Additionally, the use of stereotypes in describing Gavin's clothing (i.e. "dragon print v-neck" and "studded jeans") feels somewhat cliched and could be more surprising or specific.

Overall, a well-written and entertaining scene that could benefit from tighter overall story integration.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could use a bit more clarity in terms of the character's motivations and intentions. Here are some suggestions:

1. Establish the stakes: It's not clear why Wade is there and what he wants from Jeremy. Is he stalking him? Collecting a debt? Looking for information? Establishing this early on in the scene will help build tension and keep the audience engaged.

2. Tighten up the dialogue: The banter between Jeremy and Gavin Merchant feels a bit forced and repetitive. Consider cutting some of the back-and-forth to make the scene move more smoothly.

3. Develop Wade's character: We get a glimpse of Wade's wit and nonchalant attitude, but we could use a bit more insight into who he is and what motivates him. Is he a vigilante? A hitman? A thief? Building out his character will make the scene more engaging and help set up the rest of the film.

4. Raise the stakes: As it stands, the scene ends on a fairly anticlimactic note. Consider adding a twist or raising the stakes to keep the audience invested. For example, maybe Jeremy's girlfriend Meghan is in danger and Wade needs his help to save her. Or maybe there's a rival hitman after Jeremy and Wade needs to protect him. Whatever the case may be, adding a sense of urgency and danger will make the scene more exciting.



Scene 6 - Pizza Delivery and Skate Park
11 EXT. SKATE PARK - NIGHT - PAST 11

SKATE PUNKS carve on ramps built into the sides of a highway
underpass. A group of TEEN GIRLS are perched at the bottom
of the nearby stairs, texting each other from inches away.
An old-fashioned GHETTO BLASTER bangs ‘SHOOP.’

SALT & PEPA
I love you in your big jeans.

GIRLS
(join chorus)
You give me nice dreams. You make me
wanna scream...

Boom. A PIZZA BOX lands at their feet. On top of it lands a
POLAROID PICTURE.

WADE (O.S.)
"Oooo, oooo, oooo!"

A FRIZZY-HAIRED EMO GIRL picks up the Polaroid... of a
terrified JEREMY holding another pizza box that has been cut
into a heart, the words ‘I’m Sorry’ scrawled onto it, a PEE-
STAIN on his JEANS, and a laughing WADE photo-bombing with
the knife to his neck. She looks UP to see:

Wade bobbing to the music.

WADE (CONT’D)
You’ve seen the last of Jeremy.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 20.
11 CONTINUED: 11

The girl - MEGHAN ORLOVSKY - leaps up and HUGS Wade tight.

WADE (CONT’D)
That’s why we do it.

GIRL #2
Hey, think you could fuck up my step-dad?

GIRL #3
How ‘bout Vice Principal Renwiki?

WADE
(suddenly serious)
What’d he do to you?

GIRL #3
Suspended me for smoking.

WADE
(turns to go)
Good for him! Sorry, ladies. Me no dig
cigs. And I may look mean. But if I
give a guy a pavement facial? He earned
it.

Wade gives Meghan a smile, turns to leave.

MEGHAN
Hey. Thanks. You’re my hero.

The word catches Wade like a punch to the gut. Hero?

WADE
That I ain’t.

Wade doesn’t turn back, walking through the swooping skaters.

A12 EXT. SISTER MARGARET’S - NIGHT - PAST A12

A grimy SIGN on a grimier brick building reads: ‘SISTER
MARGARET’S SCHOOL FOR WAYWARD GIRLS.’
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Wade Wilson delivers a pizza to a group of girls at a skate park and shows off a picture of him photobombing a scared pizza delivery guy. Meghan, one of the girls, hugs Wade, but when the others ask him to hurt their authority figures, Wade declines citing he does not approve of smoking. Wade walks away, revealing the grim looking building of Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Girls.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue"
Weaknesses "Lack of significant plot development"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene seems well-written and engaging. The dialogue is snappy and provides a good sense of the characters and their personalities. The use of music and sound effects, such as the ghetto blaster and the pizza box landing, adds some fun visuals to the scene.

One possible critique is that some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and unrealistic. For example, the quick transition from the girls singing Salt-n-Pepa to asking Wade to "fuck up" their step-dad and vice principal feels abrupt and jarring. It's also unclear why the girls would be so quick to ask a stranger to commit violent acts for them.

Additionally, the scene may benefit from some more visual description to help orient the reader and create a clearer picture of the environment. For example, the underpass and skate park could be described more vividly so that the reader can better imagine it.

Overall, though, this scene seems like an effective and entertaining way to introduce the character of Wade and showcase his anti-heroic personality.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Establish the tone: The scene shifts abruptly from a skate park to a school for wayward girls. Adding a transition shot or changing the setting of the skate park to be closer to the school can help create a smoother transition.

2. Develop the characters: The scene introduces a group of girls and Wade, but doesn't provide much information about them. Adding some dialogue or actions that can reveal their personalities will help the audience become more invested in the characters.

3. Establish the stakes: The scene hints at the idea that Wade is some sort of vigilante, but it's not clear why he does what he does or what the consequences of his actions are. Adding some exposition to explain this can help the audience understand the story better.

4. Create tension: The scene has some humor, but there's no real conflict or tension. Adding some obstacles or challenges for the characters to overcome can make the scene more engaging.

5. Improve pacing: The scene goes by quickly, but it could benefit from some tighter editing to make it more concise and impactful. Removing any unnecessary dialogue or actions can help achieve this.



Scene 7 - Mercenary Meets Sleazy Bar Owner
12 INT. SISTER MARGARET’S - NIGHT - PAST 12

Inside, society’s DREGS. Chief among them, BOOTHE: a HUGE,
menacing hipster with a BOY SCOUT CAP and MASSIVE HANDLEBAR
MOUSTACHE. He’s got some DUDE’s fingers splayed out on the
bar, jabbing a KNIFE POINT between them as fast as he can.

WADE shimmies past, backslaps BOOTHE:

WADE
Boothe!


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 21.
12 CONTINUED: 12

BOOTHE
(turns, smiles)
Heya, Wade!

We hear a STAB and a SCREAM.

Wade winces as he continues on to the BAR, claims a STOOL and
waves over the lone bartender - WEASEL, early 20’s, geeky,
glasses. Think Tom Cruise in ‘Cocktail.’ Then think the
opposite.

WEASEL
Wade Wilson, Patron Saint of the Pitiful.
What can I get you?

WADE
I’d love a blow-job.

WEASEL
We got that in common.

WADE
The drink, moose-knuckle. But first...

Wade digs in a pocket, slaps the YELLOW ‘HIT’ CARD, the one
with the CYPRESS TREE, on the bar.

Weasel goes to the register. Scans the card. Peels off
three ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS. Lays them out like a bank
teller. Wade PUSHES the MONEY AWAY...

WADE (CONT’D)
I ain’t taking allowance money. Make
sure it gets back to Ms. Osflorsky?
Onroflensky? Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free?

WEASEL
Orlofsky. For a merc, you sure are warm-
blooded. Bet you let the boy off easy-
peasy, too.

WADE
(embarrassed)
He’s not a bad kid, Weas. Just a little
light stalking. I was way worse at his
age- traveling to far-off places -
Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville -
(shudders)
- meeting new and exciting people -




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 22.
12 CONTINUED: (2) 12

WEASEL
And killing them. I’ve seen your
Instagram. What was Special Forces doing
in Jacksonville, anyway?

WADE
Classified.
(whispers)
They have a wonderful TGIFridays. Those
guys know their way around a Loaded
Potato Skin. The point is, I’m trying to
put those days in my rear-view.

Weasel puts the finishing touches on the drink, pushes it
across the bar to Wade.

WEASEL
Kahlua, Bailey’s, whip cream. Fellatio
in a glass.

A burst of laughter turns Wade’s attention to BUCK, a BAD-ASS
in a snakeskin jacket, has a crowd gathered round him, mid-
story. He too is holding a YELLOW CARD with SIM and CYPRESS
TREE.

BUCK
So he’s staring at my Glock in his mouth,
like...
(mouth full)
‘I thought you guys had a code!’ And I’m
like, ‘Yeah, no kids. No women. Almost
fooled by your tits. But the moustache?!

The crowd CRACKS UP.

Wade pulls out Gavin Merchant’s wallet and teases out a
TWENTY. He grabs a passing waitress, tucks the bill in her
shirt pocket and sets the blowjob on her tray.

WADE
Kelly, you mind taking this over to Buck?
Tell him it’s from Boothe.
(whispers, to Weasel)
Little foreplay.

Weasel follows Wade’s gaze to the end of the bar, where a
chuckling BOOTHE wraps a bandage around the guy’s bloody
hand.

WEASEL
Remind me what good comes of this?




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 23.
12 CONTINUED: (3) 12

WADE
I don’t take the shits. I just disturb
them.

Weasel allows himself a tiny conspiratorial SMILE.

SMASH CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Crime"]

Summary Wade Wilson, a mercenary, hangs out at the sleazy Sister Margaret's bar owned by Weasel and Boothe. He exchanges witty banter with Weasel and overhears Buck's story. He delivers a drink and money to Buck and talks about his past as a mercenary.
Strengths "The witty banter between characters makes for engaging dialogue. The scene sets up the setting well and further develops Wade's character."
Weaknesses "The scene is a bit slow and doesn't do much for the overall plot. The conflict and stakes are low."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 5

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 4

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not possess the expertise of an actual screenwriting expert. However, from a technical standpoint, the scene is well-written and clearly depicts the setting and the characters' personalities through their actions and dialogue. The pacing is also well-managed, as the scene progresses with a mix of humor and tension, resulting in an engaging and entertaining read. One possible nitpick is the use of the word "hipster," which may not accurately reflect the character's persona. Overall, the scene is enjoyable and sets up an intriguing atmosphere for the story to follow.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Define the setting better: The scene takes place inside Sister Margaret's, but it's unclear what kind of establishment it is. Is it a bar? A dive? Adding some details, such as the lighting, furniture, and decor would help set the tone and atmosphere for the scene.

2. Give more context about the characters: While Wade and Weasel are mentioned briefly, it's unclear who they are and what their relationship is. Fleshing out their characters with some backstory or dialogue would make them more relatable and interesting to the audience.

3. Add some tension or conflict: The scene lacks depth or conflict. Adding a source of tension, such as a rival group or a disagreement between characters, would make it more engaging.

4. Make the dialogue more memorable: The banter between Wade and Weasel is witty but forgettable. Adding more memorable one-liners or jokes would make it stand out more.

5. Show, don't tell: The scene relies heavily on dialogue to convey information, making it feel stagnant and passive. Finding ways to show the audience what's happening, such as through actions or reactions, would make it more dynamic and engaging.



Scene 8 - Deadpool visits Sister Margaret's
13 INT. SISTER MARGARET’S - NIGHT 13

WADE, in medium shot, TEARING UP at the famous Steven Seagal
bar fight from ‘OUT FOR JUSTICE’ on T.V. as... SMACK...
BAM... a REAL bar fight goes on - OUT OF FOCUS - behind him.

WADE
(trailer voice)
It's a dirty job... but someone's gotta
take out the garbage.

Wade finally turns around to watch. BUCK finishes off
Boothe... then pours the BLOW-JOB on top of him.

WEASEL grabs a hand mirror, hops over the bar, and crosses to
Boothe. All the PATRONS fall HUSH as WEASEL holds the mirror
to Boothe’s mouth. Boothe’s BREATH FOGS it up.

WEASEL
Still kicking.

The place ‘oooooohs.’ Near miss. Weasel returns to his
place behind the bar, looking disappointed.

WADE
Lemme guess. Ya got Boothe in Sister
Margaret’s dead pool.

WEASEL
Um. See. About that-

WADE
You did not bet on me to die.
(looks up at board,
incredulous)
You bet on me to die.

Wade leans back and looks up at an ENORMOUS CHALKBOARD
hanging above the bar: ‘Sister Margaret’s DEAD POOL.’
Below, a long LIST of NAMES. DOLLAR AMOUNTS to the right of
the names. More NAMES to the right of the dollars.

Indeed, ‘WEASEL’ has chosen ‘WADE.’ Wade looks betrayed.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 24.
13 CONTINUED: 13

WADE (CONT’D)
Weasel, you’re the world’s worst friend.
Joke’s on you. I’m living to 102. Like
those old Quaker biddies on the Today
Show. And retiring on my winnings.

WEASEL
Wait, who did you pick?

Weasel looks up a the board, where ‘WADE’ has claimed:
‘BIEBER, J.’

WADE
The Biebs. But I’m probably wrong.
Nothing bad ever happens to teen stars
who make 80 mil a year and think they’re
immune to the pitfalls of addiction and
consequence. He’ll be fine.
(raises shot, yells)
Drinks on me, soldiers of fortune!

MERCENARIES
Hooah!

VANESSA
Whoa, whoa...

Wade turns to see a woman on his other side: VANESSA.
Brunette. Silver-blue eyes. Tank. Tiny jean-shorts.

VANESSA (CONT’D)
Sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?

Wade looks Vanessa all the way up and down... then holds up
his PINKIE.

WADE
Tight.

Vanessa raises her own pinkie. Shakes like a pinkie swear.

VANESSA
Vanessa.

WADE
What’s a nice place like you doing in a
girl like this?

BUCK (O.S.)
It ain’t what she’s doing, it’s who.

BUCK walks past and SLAPS Vanessa on the caboose.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 25.
13 CONTINUED: (2) 13

BUCK (CONT’D)
I’d hit that shit.

Wade pushes back his stool, stands menacingly.

WADE
Buck, you’d best apologize, before-

But Vanessa doesn’t wait for Wade’s chivalry. She blows
right by him and grabs a fistful of Buck’s crotch. Buck
gasps.

WADE (CONT’D)
Yeah, that.

VANESSA
(to Buck)
Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.

BUCK
I’m sorry! I have no filter between my
brain and mouth. I’m working on it.

Wade takes Vanessa’s shoulders.

WADE
OK, he apologized... hakuna his tatas...

Vanessa lets Buck go, turns on Wade.

VANESSA
(let’s go)
And you-
(shakes Wade off)
Hands off the merchandise.

WADE
Merchandise? So, what, you, uh, bump
fuzzies for money?

VANESSA
Yup.

WADE
Rough childhood?

VANESSA
Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I
was born.

WADE
Daddy left before I was conceived.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 26.
13 CONTINUED: (3) 13

VANESSA
Ever had a cigarette put out on your
skin?

WADE
I didn’t know there was any other place
to put one out.

VANESSA
I was molested.

WADE
Me too. Uncle.

VANESSA
Uncles. They took turns.

WADE
I watched my own birthday party from the
keyhole of a locked closet, which was
also my-

VANESSA
Bedroom? Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher
box.

WADE
So you had a dishwasher. I didn’t know
sleep. It was pretty much 24-7 of ball
gags, brownie mix, and fun-house mirrors.

VANESSA
Who would do such a thing?

WADE
Hopefully you. Later tonight.
(beat)
And my Uncle Kevin.

Wade EMPTIES the rest of Gavin’s wallet:

WADE (CONT’D)
What can I get for two-hundred-seventy
three bucks... and a Yogurtland rewards
card?

Vanessa shoves the bills into her halter:

VANESSA
About forty-eight minutes of whatever you
want...
(peers at card)
And a low-fat dessert.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 27.
13 CONTINUED: (4) 13

Wade grins at her like a kid on Christmas morning.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary After a brutal fight between Weasel, Boothe, and Buck, the mercenary Wade Wilson discovers that he's been bet on to die in Sister Margaret's dead pool. He meets Vanessa, a prostitute, and they bond over their traumatic pasts. Vanessa agrees to spend time with him for $273 and a Yogurtland rewards card.
Strengths "Witty, humorous dialogue; well-developed characters; gritty tone"
Weaknesses "Lack of significant plot development; some potentially offensive jokes"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 10


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 11

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the tone and style of the film. The dialogue is clever and full of witty banter, which is in keeping with the character of Deadpool. However, it is worth noting that some of the subject matter (such as molestation and sexual assault) may be triggering for some viewers and should be handled with sensitivity. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more description and sensory detail to fully immerse the audience in the environment and actions of the characters.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual description that sets the tone and atmosphere of Sister Margaret's bar. What does the interior look like? What kind of patrons are there?

2. Use more active language in describing the fight scene going on in the background. Instead of "a REAL bar fight goes on - OUT OF FOCUS - behind him," describe the sounds and movements that can be heard and seen in the background.

3. Consider cutting the references to Steven Seagal and the Today Show. These pop culture references may date the script and distract from the story.

4. Give Vanessa more agency. Instead of Wade taking her shoulders and guiding her actions, allow her to take control of the situation with Buck on her own.

5. Consider cutting the dialogue about Wade and Vanessa's traumatic pasts. This heavy conversation takes away from the comedic tone of the scene and may be more appropriate at a different point in the script.



Scene 9 - Arcade Date Night
14 INT. ARCADE - NIGHT - PAST 14

A two-shot of WADE and VANESSA staring at each other, in
profile. Wade looks really excited.

WADE
Time to put balls... in holes.

REVERSE ANGLE to reveal two SKEEBALL MACHINES in the ARCADE.
Wade inserts tokens, and balls CLUNK down.

Vanessa looks half amused, half weirded out.

WADE (CONT’D)
You said whatever I want.

VANESSA
I get it. You love skeeball. Apparently
more than you love vagina.

WADE
Tough call. Just trying to get to know
the real you... not the plunging-
necklined, short-shorted, two-dimensional
sex object peddled by Hollywood.

Wade slowly turns to CAMERA. REVERSE ANGLE TO his P.O.V.:

A ten-year-old BOY stops in his tracks, his gaze moving from
Vanessa’s plunging neckline to her short shorts.

BOY
Nice tits!

VANESSA
Thank you, son.
(tousles boy’s hair)
You know how to make a woman feel
special.

Vanessa reaches down, grabs two balls, hands one to Wade.

VANESSA (CONT’D)
Balls in holes.

WADE
Prepare to lose tragically.

VANESSA
Bring it, big man.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 28.
14 CONTINUED: 14

Wade smiles slyly, sizes up the ramp, rears back and
OVERHANDS the first ball... right into the 50,000 CUP.

VANESSA (CONT’D)
Ruh-roh.

15 INT. ARCADE PRIZE COUNTER - LATER - PAST 15

A beaming WADE bellies up to the prize counter and lays a
massive armful of pink TICKETS on top.

WADE
The limited edition Voltron: Defender of
the Universe ring, por favor.

TEEN
You’re roughly three hundred thousand
tickets short.
(beat)
It’s nickel-silver-plated.

WADE
(disappointed)
Then I guess the tire-grade rubber
Voltron keychain.

VANESSA places a measly TEN tickets of her own next to them.

VANESSA
And the... pencil eraser.

The weary TEEN behind the counter hands Wade the low-rent
VOLTRON KEYCHAIN, and Vanessa the eraser.

TEEN
(reads keychain package
copy, bows)
You are now the sworn protector of the
gentle people of the planet Arus...
(re: eraser, positive
spin:)
And you... you can... erase stuff...
written in pencil.

Wade extends his arm chivalrously:

WADE
M’lady?

VANESSA
Unfortunately, my anus-loving friend,
your forty-eight minutes are up.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 29.
15 CONTINUED: 15

WADE
Arus. And you’re more evil than evil
King Zarkon himself.

Wade rubs his keychain wistfully, then offers it up.

WADE (CONT’D)
How many more minutes for this?
(hard sell)
FYI. Five mini lion-bots come together
to make up the super-bot.

VANESSA
(faux-excited)
Five mini lion-bots?!
(matter-of-fact)
Three minutes.

WADE
(gives keychain up)
That’s all I’ll need!

ALT:

WADE
What do we do with the remaining two
minutes thirty seven seconds?

VANESSA
Cuddle?

Vanessa smiles and takes Wade’s arm. They walk out of the
ARCADE affectionately...

...to the SOUNDS OF TIRELESS, ATHLETIC SEX.

16 EXT./INT. WADE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT - PAST 16

VANESSA (O.S.)
How long can you keep this up?

DUCT TAPE fails to cover a big multi-fissured CRACK in the
WINDOW of Wade’s CRAPPY APARTMENT. Inside, WADE has VANESSA
up against the wall decorated with CHRISTMAS LIGHTS that have
overstayed their welcome and a CALENDAR. They are going at
it like RABBITS.

WADE
(raises eyebrow)
All year?




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 30.
16 CONTINUED: 16

Dolly Parton’s ‘HERE YOU COME AGAIN’ kicks in, and we...

DISSOLVE INTO:
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Wade and Vanessa go on a date to the arcade, playing skeeball and winning tickets for prizes. They share playful banter about Hollywood's objectification of women and Wade's love for skeeball. They end the night with sex at Wade's apartment.
Strengths "Playful yet romantic dialogue between Wade and Vanessa, showcasing their chemistry. Clever use of visual humor such as Wade's overhand throw into the 50,000 cup and Vanessa's comment about Wade's love for skeeball. "
Weaknesses "Lack of significant plot development or conflict."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well written with sharp and witty dialogue. The banter between Wade and Vanessa is entertaining and helps to establish their dynamic. However, the use of sexual humor and objectification of Vanessa's body could be seen as problematic. It's important to be mindful of representation in storytelling and avoid perpetuating harmful stereotypes. Additionally, the use of the young boy's comment as a punchline could be seen as inappropriate. When writing, it's important to consider the impact our words and actions have on our audience.
Suggestions Overall, the dialogue feels a bit forced and overly quippy. The scene could benefit from some more natural-sounding dialogue that reveals more about the characters and their relationship. Additionally, the skeeball game feels like a bit of a cliche and doesn't necessarily add much to the story. Maybe consider replacing it with a different activity that still allows for some playful banter between Wade and Vanessa. Finally, the transition from the arcade to the apartment feels a bit abrupt and could use a smoother transition to make it more seamless.



Scene 10 - Sex Montage on Holidays
17 INT. WADE’S APARTMENT - DAY 17

A MONTAGE of images: Fun, irreverent SEX around the CALENDAR
between WADE and VANESSA, identified by various holidays.

VALENTINE’S DAY SEX. WADE falls back onto a bed covered in
rose petals with VANESSA on top of him. She has drawn a
heart on his chest in red lipstick. They go at it hard...
then pause for a romantic look and kiss.

VANESSA
Happy Valentine’s Day...

Then IMMEDIATELY go back to hard pounding.

CUT TO:

A medium shot of the top half of VANESSA. She is on hands
and knees, rocking back and forth. WADE leans into frame
from behind.

WADE
Happy Chinese New Year’s...

VANESSA
(smiles)
Year of the Dog.

They go at it even harder.

SMASH CUT TO:

The same exact locked-off medium shot, only WADE is now on
hands and knees. His expression betrays great stress.
VANESSA leans into frame from behind.

VANESSA (CONT’D)
Relax... Happy International Women’s
Day...

Wade girds himself, then lets out a surprised, WHIMPERY YELP
as some pioneering object journeys into his virgin lands.

CUT TO:

WADE in bed, legs wrapped around VANESSA’s neck, being orally
pleasured.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 31.
17 CONTINUED: 17

WADE
Happy Fourth of July!

We see FIREWORKS through the skylight above.

CUT TO:

WADE sitting in an arm-chair, fully dressed, reading glasses
on, purusing a book. VANESSA is reading in a chair opposite,
also wearing reading glasses.

VANESSA
Happy Yom Kippur...
(ALT:)
Happy Cesar Chavez Day...
(ALT:)
Happy Lent...
(ALT:)
Happy Lyme Disease Awareness Day...
(ALT:)
Happy Wednesday...

CUT TO:

VANESSA in bed where Wade last was. Now her legs are wrapped
around HIS neck, and he’s pleasuring her.

WADE
(muffled)
Happy Halloween...

VANESSA
Oo... ow...

WADE
(muffled)
Sorry.
(takes out Vampire teeth)
Happy Halloween...

Wade goes back to work.

CUT TO:

WADE and VANESSA banging it out one last time, missionary
style.

VANESSA
Happy Thanksgiving.
(ALT:)
Happy Wednesday.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 32.
17 CONTINUED: (2) 17

Cut WIDE to reveal that they’re on top of the KITCHEN TABLE
during THANKSGIVING DINNER. Wine spills, cranberry sauce
topples, mashed potatoes launch. ALT: BREAKFAST FOOD
INSTEAD.

Nothing takes away from the joy of the moment.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Wade and Vanessa have an irreverent and fun sex montage on various holidays.
Strengths
  • Fun imagery that plays with holidays
  • Lighthearted tone
Weaknesses
  • Lacks plot development
  • No dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 2

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 1

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 1

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 1

Story Forward: 3

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-paced and visually entertaining. However, there are a few areas where improvements could be made.

Firstly, the scene relies heavily on montage and abstraction, which can make it feel a bit disconnected from the rest of the story. While the use of montage can be effective, too much of it can be distracting and take away from the emotional impact of the scene.

Additionally, the dialogue can feel a bit forced and unnatural at times, particularly in the exchanges between Wade and Vanessa. While some of the lines are meant to be humorous, they can come across as too contrived and take away from the authenticity of the characters.

Finally, the scene's reliance on sexual humor may not be to everyone's taste and could potentially come across as crass or offensive. While humor can be a powerful tool in storytelling, it's important to ensure that it's not used in a way that marginalizes or excludes certain audiences.

Overall, while this scene is entertaining and well-crafted, there are areas where it could be improved to make it more impactful and inclusive.
Suggestions As a language model AI, I am unable to determine the context and purpose of this scene. However, if this scene is meant to be comedic, some suggestions to improve it could be:

- Make the jokes more clever and witty instead of relying on crude humor.
- Make the transitions between each holiday smoother and more creative.
- Use visual gags to enhance the humor instead of relying solely on dialogue.
- Consider the pacing of the scene and cut out any unnecessary moments that drag on.
- Ensure that the humor is not offensive or disrespectful towards any particular group or holiday.



Scene 11 - Wade and Vanessa's Christmas Engagement
18 INT. WADE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT - PAST 18

A CHRISTMAS WREATH hangs on Wade’s wall.

WADE (O.S.)
If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and
your right leg is Christmas...

WADE strikes a pose, HANDS on HIPS, wearing an AWFUL, AWFUL
CHRISTMAS SWEATER. And NO PANTS.

VANESSA sits against the bed’s HEADBOARD, SHEET pulled over
her, up to her chin. She quickly lowers the sheet.
Revealing an APPALLING CHRISTMAS SWEATER of her own.

WADE (CONT’D)
...can I visit you between the holidays?

VANESSA
Y’know, red’s your color. Brings out the
bloodshot in your eyes. Christmas gift!
Catch!

Vanessa tosses something to Wade. It lands in his hands.

WADE
Holy fucking shit.

It’s the nickel-silver-plated Voltron RING, all three hundred
thousand tickets worth.

VANESSA
Limited edition. I had to give the kid
behind the counter a rub and tug. I’m
kidding. I’m not kidding. I’m kidding.
It was nearly five full months of
Skeeball.

WADE
(beams)
Y’know, I’ve been doing some thinking...

VANESSA
Really.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 33.
18 CONTINUED: 18

WADE
...about why we’re so good together.

VANESSA
Why’s that?

WADE
Your crazy matches my crazy. We’re like
two jigsaw pieces... weird curvy edges...
but fit us together, you can see the
picture on top.

Wade plants a kiss on Vanessa. She sits up on her knees.

VANESSA
Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you, only
‘cause you haven’t gotten around to
asking me-
(pregnant pause)
Wade, will you-

VANESSA (CONT'D) WADE
Stick it in my-? Marry me?

VANESSA
Uhh... jinx?

Wade reaches back and pulls out an ENGAGEMENT-RING-LIKE BOX.
Vanessa can barely contain her excitement.

VANESSA (CONT’D)
You’re not wearing pants. Where exactly
were you hiding that?

A vulnerable Wade hands her the box and stands there with the
look of... ‘Open it. Open it!’

WADE
They say one month’s salary.

Vanessa opens the box... to reveal a CANDY RING.

WADE (CONT’D)
Slow month. I’ve been waiting for this
day like Boss Hogg waits to get to the
crazy cheesy crust...

VANESSA
You mean-?

WADE
I do.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 34.
18 CONTINUED: (2) 18

VANESSA
That’s my line. I love you, Wade Wilson.

WADE
Thought you charged extra for that.

VANESSA
I did. At my old job.

WADE
So that’s a-?

Vanessa stares. Swallows. Pulls him back into bed and
WHISPERS ONE SILENT WORD into his ear (’Yes’). Wade jumps up
and DANCES around the room all goofy, POP, LOCK, & ROBOT.

VANESSA
Easy. I can take it back.

Wade dives back into bed, SPOONS with Vanessa, wrapping her
in his ARMS, touching his cheek to hers.

WADE
What if I never let go?

VANESSA
Just rode a bitch’s back, like Yoda on
Luke?

WADE
(contented sigh)
‘Star Wars’ jokes?!

VANESSA
(corrects)
‘Empire.’

WADE
It’s like I made you in a computer.

Wade swoons, reaches, grabs a POLAROID CAMERA off his night-
stand, and holds it at arm’s length.

WADE (CONT’D)
(Yoda voice)
Cheese, say!

The flash POPS. For this one moment, his life is...

WADE (CONT’D)
Perfect.

Wade hands Vanessa the photo. Then...


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 35.
18 CONTINUED: (3) 18

WADE (CONT’D)
Wee break.

...bounces up to go to the BATHROOM. Vanessa gazes at the
photo, which is already FADING IN. Wade notices.

WADE (CONT’D)
Shake it like a- Uh. You get it.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
Here’s the thing. Life is an endless
series of train-wrecks with only brief,
commercial-like breaks of happiness.
This had been the ultimate commercial
break. Which meant it was time to
return...

Wade peels off his Christmas sweater... and STEPS CONFIDENTLY
BACK TOWARD THE BED. But before he gets there...

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
...to our regularly scheduled program.

...HE PASSES OUT, FACE-PLANTING ONTO THE FLOOR.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Wade and Vanessa engage in playful banter, exchange Christmas gifts, and Wade proposes with a candy ring. They share a moment of happiness before Wade passes out.
Strengths "The banter between Wade and Vanessa is humorous and sweet. The scene showcases their unconventional romance. The comedic elements contrast with the impending chaos of Wade's life."
Weaknesses "The scene is mostly lighthearted and lacks significant plot development or conflict. The engagement is proposed with a candy ring, which could be seen as tonally inconsistent or too frivolous for some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-written and has good pacing, with effective use of humor. The dialogue feels natural and showcases the chemistry between the two characters. The use of visual elements, such as the Christmas sweaters and the engagement ring, adds depth to the scene. Overall, the scene effectively balances humor and heart. One possible suggestion for improvement would be to make the transition from Wade proposing to him passing out feel a bit smoother, as it currently feels somewhat abrupt and jarring.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to have more visual elements and actions to accompany the dialogue. For example, instead of having Wade just mention his Christmas sweater, show him actually wearing it and doing something silly in it. This would add to the comedic effect and make the scene more engaging to watch. Additionally, including more camera angles and visual cues, such as close-ups on the ring or the Polaroid photo, would add depth and emotion to the scene. Finally, adding more conflict or tension to the scene, such as Vanessa initially hesitating or having reservations about the proposal, would make the resolution more rewarding and impactful for the audience.



Scene 12 - Devastating News
19 INT. ONCOLOGY WARD - DAY - PAST 19

WADE is sitting in a doctor’s office, VANESSA by his side,
opposite a solemn ONCOLOGIST. Every image suggests BAD NEWS:

A COMPLEX looking MRI IMAGE of the CIRCULATORY SYSTEM on a
BACKLIT VIEWING TABLE. SWEAT STAINS under Wade’s arms.
Vanessa GRIPPING his hand. The LOOK on the DOCTOR’s FACE.

WADE
You’re clowning. You’re not clowning? I
sense clowns.

DOCTOR
People react to news of late-stage cancer
differently.

Wade and Vanessa turn and share a devastated but loving look.

VANESSA
(to doctor, springs into
action)
So what do we do? Surely there’s
something... we can... do. I mean, my
uncle, he was diagnosed with thyroid
cancer, and there was this new
experimental drug that-



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 36.
19 CONTINUED: 19

The VOLUME of Vanessa’s voice FADES until we can SEE her
talking but no longer hear the words:

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
See, people do react differently.
Vanessa’s already working on Plan A. B.
All the way to Z. Me? I’m memorizing
the details of her face. Like it’s the
first time I’m seeing it. Or the last.

DOCTOR (O.S.)
Mr. Wilson?

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
Believe it or not, this is only the ninth
shittiest thing that's ever happened to
me.

DOCTOR (O.S.)
Mr. Wilson?

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
Stick around. Number 6 is coming right
up.

DOCTOR
Take your time to process this.

20 EXT. FREEWAY - DAY 20

DEADPOOL HAS AJAX PINNED TO THE FREEWAY RAIL.

DEADPOOL
You know how many people I’ve killed to
find you?

AJAX
Actually, I do.

DEADPOOL
So you’re aware I’ve been waiting a long,
long time for this. And now I’m finally
gonna...
(ALT:)
So you’re aware of the category 5 fuck-
storm that’s coming.
(ALT:)
Then you know what’s coming. I’m about
to do to you what Sugar Ray did to the
mid-nineties.

A massive SHADOW passes over AJAX and DEADPOOL, accompanied
by LOUD METALLIC FOOTSTEPS. Ajax looks up, a bit awed.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 37.
20 CONTINUED: 20

Deadpool senses something, reaches back with one hand,
feels...

...what turns out to be Colossus’s METALLIC CROTCH.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Dad?

COLOSSUS GRABS Deadpool’s WRIST, CHUCKS him THROUGH the AIR,
ASS OVER TEAKETTLE.
Genres: ["Action","Romance"]

Summary Wade and Vanessa receive devastating news about Wade's diagnosis of late-stage cancer. Despite Vanessa's optimism and willingness to explore experimental treatments, Wade enters a state of shock and reflection, memorializing Vanessa's face while cracking sarcastic jokes about his own misfortunes.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Solid character moments
  • Effective use of humor in a dark moment
Weaknesses
  • Lack of action and forward momentum
  • Could benefit from more exploration of Wade's emotional state

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 10

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene appears to be well-written. The imagery is effective in conveying the sense of bad news, and the dialogue feels believable and realistic. The use of voice-over narration from Deadpool adds an interesting layer to the scene, particularly in how it contrasts with Vanessa's reaction. The transition from the doctor's office to the freeway is a bit abrupt, and could be improved with a smoother transition or a clearer indication of the passage of time. However, the introduction of Colossus adds a new element of humor and surprise to the scene. Overall, the scene is effective in furthering the plot and character development of Deadpool and his relationship with Vanessa.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more emotional depth to the scene in the oncology ward. Rather than just stating that Wade and Vanessa share a "devastated but loving look," show the audience the depth of their emotions through their dialogue and actions. The audience should be able to feel their pain and fear. Additionally, the dialogue between Vanessa and the doctor could be more realistic and heartfelt. For example, instead of Vanessa jumping straight into suggesting experimental drugs, she could first express her shock and sadness at the news before asking about possible treatments. This would make her more relatable and empathetic to the audience. Overall, the scene could benefit from more nuanced emotional performances and realistic dialogue.



Scene 13 - Spring Cleaning
21 INT. WADE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT - LATER - PAST 21

A CLOSE-UP of a Deadpool ACTION FIGURE from ‘X-Men Origins.’
Mouth sewn shut. Blades implanted into wrists.

In the exact same POSE we just saw the real Deadpool.
Sitting in a nightstand DRAWER in Wade’s apartment.

WADE (O.S.)
This is my most prized possession.

Wade looks like he’s reaching into the drawer for the action
figure, but instead, reaches just UNDER it to grasp Wham!’s
‘Make it Big’ album on Vinyl. He pulls out the album.

VANESSA
Wham?

WADE
Wham!
(cradles album lovingly)
‘Make it Big’ was the album George and
Andy earned their exclamation point.

Wade places the album carefully into one of two OPEN
SUITCASES on the floor next to him. He is currently going
through his possessions, TOSSING OUT the crap and placing the
good stuff into the suitcases.

Wade pulls out the action figure.

WADE (CONT’D)
But this. A little piece of me died the
day this came out...

Wade DUNKS the action figure in the trash can. VANESSA
stands opposite, arms crossed, FUMING.

VANESSA
So I’m s’posed to just... smile and wave
you out the door?



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 38.
21 CONTINUED: 21

WADE
Think of it as a spring cleaning. Only
if spring was death.
(pulls out BERNADETTE PETERS
CHANGE PURSE)
If I had a nickel for every time I
spanked it to Bernadette Peters.
(opens purse, it’s full of
nickels)
Looks like I do.

Wade TOSSES the purse toward one of the suitcases. Vanessa’s
hand stabs out and GRABS it.

VANESSA
Bernadette’s not going anywhere.
(slam-dunks purse back into
drawer)
‘Cause you’re not going anywhere.

WADE
Right! The tumors are only in my liver,
lungs, prostate, and brain. All the
things you can live without.

VANESSA
You know what I mean. You belong here at
home. Surrounded by your Voltron... and
your Bernadette... and your me.

WADE
Babe, we’ve been through this! Cancer’s
a real shit-show. A Yakov-Smirnoff-
opening-for-the-Spin-Doctors-at-the-Iowa-
State-Fair shit-show. And under no
circumstances will I take you to that
show. I want you to remember me me.

VANESSA
Well, I want to remember us us.
(that doesn’t sound right)
We we?

WADE
I swear, I’ll find you in the next life.
And boom-box ‘Careless Whisper’ under
your window. Wham!

VANESSA
Are you gonna keep saying it like that?
Look, I get this impulse. I do.
(MORE)



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 39.
21 CONTINUED: (2) 21
VANESSA (CONT'D)
Before I met you, I used to fantasize
about dying alone in the woods, torn
apart by wolves.

WADE
Super fucking bad-ass.

VANESSA
But that was then, and this is now. Walk
out that door. I dare you. I will ride
you out. And I won’t let go. Yoda on
Luke.

Vanessa embraces Wade. Tight. Won’t let go. A TEAR
trickles down Vanessa’s CHEEK.

VANESSA (CONT’D)
(into Wade’s ear)
If you’re willing to fight. There are
still options. We’ll find them.
Together.

WADE
(smiles)
I just realized! I win! My life’s
officially more fucked-up than yours.

VANESSA
No one’s boom-boxing shit.

Vanessa interlaces her pinkie with Wade’s. Smiles.

VANESSA (CONT’D)
What do we we have to lose?

WADE
Nothing. Everything.

Vanessa leans in, and the two start to KISS.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Wade is going through his possessions, deciding what to keep and what to toss. Vanessa tries to convince him to fight his cancer and explores their relationship dynamics.
Strengths "The scene mixes humor with poignancy in a way that feels true to character. The dialogue is sharp and memorable, and the chemistry between Wade and Vanessa is palpable."
Weaknesses "The action figure sequence feels slightly shoehorned in, and the scene doesn't advance the plot much beyond establishing the cancer diagnosis."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique This scene effectively establishes the emotional stakes of the story and sets up the central conflict between Wade and Vanessa. The dialogue is witty and engaging, with good use of humor to balance out the sadness of the situation. The use of the Deadpool action figure and Bernadette Peters change purse add a touch of quirkiness to the scene. Overall, this is a well-written and impactful scene.
Suggestions One suggestion could be to add more visual elements to the scene to make it more dynamic and visually appealing. This could be done through incorporating more camera angles or movements, or by adding more props or set design elements to enhance the visual storytelling. Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened to make it more concise and impactful, while also giving more insight into the characters and their motivations. Finally, the emotional stakes could be heightened to make the scene more emotionally resonant and memorable. This could be accomplished through adding more subtext or conflicts to the scene, or by increasing the tension between the characters to make the resolution more satisfying.



Scene 14 - Wade's Reflection
22 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - PAST 22

VANESSA, horizontal, limbs akimbo, ASLEEP in bed. She stirs,
feels next to her for Wade. He’s NOT THERE.

REVEAL WADE standing at the bedroom window. His P.O.V. of
the moon makes it look FRACTURED by the cracked glass.

RACK FOCUS to Vanessa’s REFLECTION. She, too, looks
fractured. Wade’s eyes well with TEARS at the sight of her.
Cancer will steal the one thing that ever mattered.

Vanessa’s cracked reflection suddenly RAISES its HEAD.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 40.
22 CONTINUED: 22

WADE
Sorry. Liam Neeson nightmare. I
kidnapped his daughter, and he just
wasn’t having it.

Wade slides back into bed.

WADE (CONT’D)
They’ve made three of those movies. At
some point you wonder if he’s just a bad
parent.

Wade lies on his back. Vanessa nestles her head lovingly
against his chest. He takes a vulnerable look at her, then
stares at the ceiling, LOST.

RS22 INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT RS22

Wade slips quietly out of bed...

...slips on a hoodie and a backpack...

...opens the door... takes one last longing look at
Vanessa...

...and slips into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

Vanessa is left to feel for Wade in the dark.

A22 EXT. STREET - NIGHT A22

WADE walks down the street into the night.

He pulls a crumpled card from his jacket pocket: the black
card with the recruiter’s number.

Still walking, Wade pulls out a cellphone and dials.

23 INT. SISTER MARGARET’S - NIGHT - PAST 23

Just another night at SISTER MARGARET’S WAYWARD SCHOOL FOR
GIRLS. Regular crowd has shuffled in. Tonight, a bit thin.

WADE is bellied up to the bar, disheveled, unkempt, and
distraught. WEASEL leans in:

WEASEL
Jesus. Someone needs a blow-job and a
shower. Though courtesy calls for the
latter first.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 41.
23 CONTINUED: 23

WADE
Three shots of Patron Silver, Weez. And
a cure to terminal cancer.

WEASEL
(hands over a green
concoction)
Fresh out of Patron. Wheatgrass?

WADE
You’re starting to sound like Vanessa...

With SHAKY HANDS, Wade empties his POCKETS, placing CRUMPLED
BROCHURES on the bar.

WADE (CONT’D)
She sent away for all these colorful
clinic brochures. I hear Chechnya’s nice
this time of... never. Then there’s
China... Central Mexico... Know how they
say ‘Cancer’ in Spanish? ¡El Cáncer.’

Wade pulls out one last thing from his pockets: A POLAROID
of HIMSELF and VANESSA. He stares. Weasel notices.

WEASEL
This belongs on the wall. I want to
remember you when you looked... alive.

Wade scrapes up a smile as Weasel tapes the picture to the
BIG BAR MIRROR. Weasel pours a second wheatgrass shot.
Clinks Wade’s glass. They throw them back. WINCE.

WEASEL (CONT’D)
Almost forgot...

Weasel slides Wade a distinctive black BUSINESS CARD across
the bartop.

WEASEL (CONT’D)
Guy came in asking for you. Real Grim
Reaper type.

Wade’s gaze follows Weasel’s gesture across the barroom,
where an ominous MAN in a BLACK SUIT sits ALONE at a table.

WEASEL (CONT’D)
I don’t know? May further the plot?

CUT TO:
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 42.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Wade wakes up and reflects on Vanessa's imminent loss to cancer. He leaves to find a cure, but not before acknowledging the severity of the situation.
Strengths "Strong emotional impact and character development."
Weaknesses "Historically inaccurate language and portrayal of cancer treatment options."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-written, and the characters are established efficiently through dialogue and action. The use of reflections and fractured imagery creates an atmosphere of unease and emphasizes the emotional turmoil of the characters. However, the transition from Wade contemplating his situation to him walking down the street with the recruiter's card feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer setup or motivation for his decision to seek help. Overall, the scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of Wade's conflict while still maintaining the film's comedic tone.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could be improved by focusing more on the emotions and stakes of the characters, particularly Wade and Vanessa. Here are some more specific suggestions:

- Add more description of Vanessa's emotional state when she wakes up and realizes Wade is gone. Is she worried, anxious, or sad? How does she express this in her actions or posture?
- Reconsider the Liam Neeson joke, as it seems tonally out of place given the serious stakes of the scene.
- Consider adding more dialogue to convey Wade's sadness and desperation, rather than relying on Weasel's observation that he needs a shower. Maybe have him talk more about the realities of his cancer and how it's affecting him.
- Add more tension to Wade's decision to leave Vanessa and seek out the recruiter. Is he conflicted about this? Does he feel guilty or afraid? These emotions could be conveyed through his actions, dialogue, or internal thoughts.
- In the scene at Sister Margaret's, add more description of the Grim Reaper-type figure to heighten the tension and intrigue. How does he look or behave in a way that suggests he's connected to the story's larger plot?



Scene 15 - The Recruitment
23A INT. SISTER’S MARGARET’S - NIGHT - PAST 23A

WADE dead-man-walks to the back of the bar. He passes BOOTHE
and BEEF on his way. They nod solemnly, like cops at a
funeral procession honoring one of their own.

BEEF
Wade.

Beef offers Wade his shot. Wade eeks out a smile. Throws it
back. Then continues on. Wade stops next to the MAN’s
TABLE.

WADE
Forget your scythe?

The man, even creepier from close up, SMILES.

RECRUITER
Mr. Wilson. Have a seat.
(Wade sits, long pause)
I understand you’ve recently been
diagnosed with terminal cancer.

WADE
Stalker alert.

RECRUITER
It’s my job. Recruitment. And you have
quite a reputation. I’m sorry you’ve had
a tough go. But you’re a fighter. And
not just for Johnny Canuck, impressive as
your stint in special forces was. Forty-
one confirmed kills?

WADE
(bitter)
One every seven weeks. Same rate most
folks get a hair-cut.

Wade grabs the recruiter’s drink and throws it back.

WADE (CONT’D)
To wash the taste out. It’s hard to
forget being so... impressive.

RECRUITER
Now you spend your days sticking up for
the little man, slitting small time
throats for small time folks.

WADE
People change.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 43.
23A CONTINUED: 23A

The recruiter leans uncomfortably close.

RECRUITER
(low, conspiratorial)
Speaking of which... Mr. Wilson, I
represent an organization that may be
able to help. What if I told you we can
cure your cancer? And what’s more, give
you abilities most men only dream of?

WADE
I’d say you sound like an infomercial.
And not a good infomercial, like Slap
Chop. More Shake-Weighty.
(jack-off motion)

RECRUITER
The world needs extraordinary men. We
won’t just make you better. We’ll make
you better than better. A super-hero.

WADE
I already tried the hero business. Let’s
just say it left a mark. The only chance
you’ll see me again is if I hit ‘fuck-
it.’
Genres: ["Drama","Action"]

Summary Wade visits the bar and meets the recruiter who offers to cure his cancer and give him powers of a superhero. Wade is skeptical and sarcastic with the recruiter, recollecting his past endeavors as a hero.
Strengths "The scene's strengths are its engaging dialogue and sharp wit between the recruiter and Wade. It also sets up the plot's major conflict and adversarial relationship between Wade and the potential cure. "
Weaknesses "The scene could be improved by incorporating other characters and giving the audience a better understanding of why Wade is at the bar. "

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue is snappy and the characters are distinct.

One potential critique is that the scene could benefit from more visual description or action to break up the lengthy exchange of dialogue. There's a lot of back-and-forth between the recruiter and Wade, and it might help to have some physical movements or reactions from the characters interspersed throughout.

Additionally, there's a bit of a tonal shift when Wade makes the "jack-off motion" joke. It's not necessarily a problem, but it does veer towards more crass humor than the earlier parts of the scene. Depending on the tone of the rest of the film, this could either work well or feel out of place.

Overall, though, this scene effectively introduces the concept of the recruiter trying to sell Wade on becoming a superhero. It sets up conflict by establishing Wade as a hesitant and skeptical character and the recruiter as someone who may not have entirely honest motivations.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Consider adding more visual description. Right now, the scene is heavy on dialogue and light on action. Adding more details about the setting, the characters' body language, and the lighting can help bring the scene to life and make it more engaging for the reader.

2. Clarify the stakes. Right now, it's unclear why Wade should be interested in the recruiter's offer. Why does he need to become a superhero? What's at stake if he doesn't? Making this clearer can help increase tension and make the scene more compelling.

3. Consider adding more conflict. Right now, the scene is mostly a conversation between Wade and the recruiter. Adding more conflict - either between Wade and the other characters or within Wade himself - can help make the scene more dynamic and interesting.

4. Think about pacing. This scene is fairly long, and there are a lot of pauses and long silences. While this can be effective in some cases, it's important to make sure that the scene doesn't drag. Consider tightening up the dialogue and adding more action to keep the scene moving.



Scene 16 - Desperation World Tour
24 EXT./INT. GUADALAJARAN CLINIC WAITING ROOM - DAY - PAST 24

A DILAPIDATED, SKETCHY MEDICAL ‘CLINIC’ haunts the cityscape
in GUADALAJARA, MEXICO.

WADE (V.O.)
For now, I’ll get through this with the
one I love.

A sickly-looking WADE is on the final stop in his futile
quest to find a cure. DESPERATE. Among the MOST DESPERATE.

He sits in a pathetic muzak-filled WAITING ROOM. Wearing a
SOMBRERO and clutching VANESSA’s hand. Her fingers are
interlaced in his, once perfectly manicured nails chewed to
the quick.

Vanessa is also wearing a SOMBRERO, and ANXIETY on her face.

Wade COUGHS SEVERELY, REPEATEDLY into a HANDKERCHIEF.

Wade turns to the sweet ELDERLY COUPLE sitting next to him,
ekes out a smile. The old man plays with some WORRY BEADS.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 44.
24 CONTINUED: 24

WADE
(pulls out Spanish-English
electronic translator)
De donde eres?

ELDERLY WOMAN
Boca Raton.

WADE
Ah. The fancy part of Mexico.

ELDERLY MAN
We’ve moved in with my son. To afford
the treatment.

Wade looks pained to hear this.

WADE
Cancer? Sorry - ¿El Cáncer?

ELDERLY MAN
Stage four.

WADE
Toughest part of the Tour de France.

VANESSA
Very hilly.

The elderly man gestures to the souvenir PATCHES sewn onto
Wade’s ‘HELLO KITTY’ DUFFEL: CHECHNYA. CHINA. INDONESIA.

ELDERLY MAN
Logging some frequent flier miles?

WADE
(bone-weary)
Final stop on Desperation World Tour,
2016, which I believe was also the name
of the Stones’ last concert...

VANESSA
‘Final’ because this is where we find the
cure.

A MOTHER and her stoic young SON sign in with the NURSE
behind the front desk. The boy has lost all his HAIR.

NURSE
No cheques de viajero. No pesos. Cash.
Americano.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 45.
24 CONTINUED: (2) 24

Wade grows upset as the mother counts out hard-earned CASH.
The boy reaches for a BOX filled with CHUPACHUPS (lollipops).
The nurse scolds:

NURSE (CONT’D)
Chupachups cuestan extra!

WADE (O.S.)
(angry)
Hey!

The nurse looks coldly at Wade. He stares back, eyes hard,
then gets up and lays a crumpled dollar on the counter.

WADE (CONT’D)
(ice cold)
It’s on me.

The nurse blinks, then stands, checking a CHART.

NURSE
Señor... Abe Solomon?

ABE and his WIFE get up. The nurse motions for Mrs. Solomon
to stay in the waiting room.

ABE
(to Wade and Vanessa)
Handsome couple. Good luck to you two.

Abe drops his WORRY BEADS. Wade bends to retrieve them, then
stands with effort and gently hands them to Abe.

WADE
Good luck to you, Pops.

Wade sits back down, and his eyes find the LITTLE BOY: his
SUNKEN EYES. His MISSING HAIR. His LOLLIPOP, CLUTCHED like
the richest treasure.

Wade turns to look at Vanessa, who’s also staring at the boy.

Even though Vanessa is healthy, she, too, looks sick. No
makeup. Dirty hair. Dark circles under her eyes. When she
looks at Wade, it’s clear she, not he, most needs comfort.

Wade pulls Vanessa close and strokes her hair with a
trembling hand. Abe disappears. Wade watches with a newly
dark look of suspicion.
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 46.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Wade visits a sketchy clinic in Guadalajara in a final attempt to find a cure for his cancer, where he encounters elderly patients and a sickly boy amongst the waiting room.
Strengths "The scene masterfully blends humor with sadness, immersing the audience into the harsh realities of cancer. The dialogue is well-crafted, and the scene, overall, is excellently acted."
Weaknesses "The scene does not push the plot forward too much, which may be unsatisfying to some viewers. The conflict level is also relatively low, which may make it seem like a filler scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 10

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-structured and sets a somber tone for the story. The description of the clinic and surroundings are vivid, painting a picture of the desperation of the patients. However, some of the dialogue seems forced and unnatural, particularly in the exchange between Wade and the elderly couple. The use of the translator feels more like a plot device than a genuine moment of communication. Additionally, the exposition about Wade's world travels and Vanessa's optimism regarding the cure feels heavy-handed and could have been more subtly revealed through their actions and interactions. Overall, the scene is effective in establishing the bleak mood and the stakes for the characters, but some of the dialogue could benefit from further refinement.
Suggestions Overall, the scene does a good job of creating a sense of desperation and the gravity of the situation. However, there are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. The descriptions of the setting and characters could be more specific. For example, instead of just describing the clinic as "dilapidated" and "sketchy," it would be more evocative to describe the specific details that give that impression, such as peeling paint or broken equipment. Similarly, giving more detail about Wade and Vanessa's appearance and demeanor would help the audiences to better understand their emotional states.

2. The dialogue could be more natural and less exposition-heavy. For example, instead of Wade asking the elderly couple where they're from in Spanish and then immediately switching to English, it would be more realistic for the couple to initially respond in Spanish and for Wade to struggle to understand before Vanessa steps in to translate.

3. The interactions with the nurse could be made more emotionally charged. For example, instead of just scolding the boy for reaching for a lollipop, the nurse could berate the mother for not having enough cash and threaten to deny them treatment. This would heighten the tension in the waiting room and give Wade a more clear motivation to intervene.

4. There could be more visual cues to reinforce the character's emotional states. For example, instead of just stating that Vanessa looks sick, there could be a shot of her pale face or shaking hands. Similarly, instead of just saying that Wade is suspicious of Abe, there could be a shot of him glancing at the man warily or clutching Vanessa's hand more tightly. These details would help to further engage the audience's empathy and create a more immersive experience.



Scene 17 - Murderous Past
25 INT. OPERATING ROOM - DAY - PAST 25

ABE lies shirtless on an UNSANITARY operating table, a tray
of RUSTY surgical KNIVES nearby.

A MAN with a pock-marked face stands over him in a white lab
coat with blue-stitched cursive writing: ‘Dr. Delgado.’

DOCTOR
Buenos días, Señor Abe.

‘Doctor’ Delgado pokes and prods with his fingers, as if
Abe’s mid-section is Play-Doh.

DOCTOR (CONT’D)
Voy a llegar dentro de tu cuerpo.

ABE
I’m sorry. No hablo español, doc.

The doctor’s other hand dips below the table, comes up
dripping with something bloody. He kneeds at wrinkled skin
smearing the CHICKEN BLOOD across Abe’s flesh.

DOCTOR
De que se cure! Señor Abe, you are
cured.

The doctor holds SMELLING SALTS under Abe’s nose. His closed
eyes jerk open to see the doctor’s gloved hand CLUTCHING a
huge, bloody ‘TUMOR.’

Abe pushes himself up, peers down at his bloody abdomen with
awe. The doctor wipes the blood away and helps him up.

ABE
(tearing up)
Thank you. I owe you my life.

As Abe shuffles out, the doctor turns away to dump the
‘tumor’ in the trash and wash his bloody hands in a basin.

DOCTOR
(over his shoulder)
¡Proximo! Next!

WADE (O.S.)
Already here, hombre.

Dr. Delgado nearly JUMPS at the sight of WADE, already
standing in the OPEN DOOR of the room, looking DANGEROUS.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 47.
25 CONTINUED: 25

DOCTOR
So sorry, you surprise me. How...
long... you standing there, Señor?

Wade walks slowly TOWARD the doctor, who steps out nervously
from BEHIND his table. The two stand face-to-face. Wade
smiles... angles his foot UNDER the OPERATING TABLE...

...and uses it to SLIDE something out from underneath the
table: a BUCKET of BLOODY CHICKEN GIZZARDS that double as
removed ‘tumors.’ Wade’s RAGE seems to grow by the INSTANT.

WADE
Long enough...

Delgado senses he is suddenly in danger, picks up a rusty
SCALPEL from his tray. Wade moves toward him. Delgado
LUNGES, He STABS WADE in the shoulder, then RUNS.

Wade TACKLES him. In Wade’s weakened state, the fight
becomes an intense STRUGGLE. The two FALL and WRESTLE. The
BUCKET of GIZZARDS overturns. They roll around in slop.

The doctor squirms out of Wade’s grasp and crawls into the
hallway. Wade wriggles after him, tugging at his ankle.

26 INT. WAITING ROOM / HALLWAY - SUNSET - PAST 26

The MUZAC still plays. VANESSA smiles warmly/sadly at the
little BOY, who is unwrapping his CHUPACHUP.

Suddenly... a SCREAM and cries for help in Spanish. The
NURSE and an ALARMED VANESSA rush toward the shouting.

27 INT. HALLWAY - SUNSET - PAST 27

At last, WADE’s fury has overcome his physical weakness. He
straddles the DOCTOR’s CHEST. His expression is that of a
man who’s LOSING his SHIT.

Wade RAISES THE SCALPEL, SLASHES at the doctor’s throat, then
STABS him in the heart. The doctor writhes, spasms, gurgles,
and falls still.

Chest heaving, Wade raises his head to see... at the FAR END
of the HALL:

VANESSA - frozen, TERRIFIED. A blood-soaked Wade locks eyes
with her and swims back up into SANITY... ‘What have I done?’
This is a horrific glimpse into Wade’s murderous past...

...and the look on Vanessa’s face is one of HORROR and PAIN.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 48.
27 CONTINUED: 27

Awash in shame, Wade staggers to his feet, slips on chicken
blood, and LUNGES in the other direction. He hits the door
at the end of the hall at a RUN.

28 STAB! 28

The sword, covered in BLOOD, penetrates the crayon drawing of
the recruiter on DEADPOOL’s CORKBOARD.

DEADPOOL
Thank you, Agent Smith.

Deadpool lasers in on AJAX’s picture at the top of the
pyramid.

29 EXT. GUADALAJARA STREET - SUNSET - PAST 29

WADE leans against a wall, gasping for breath. He looks back
toward her voice, face a mask of pain. Instead of seeking
her... he melts into the busy street.

30 EXT. DEADPOOL’S LAIR - DAY 30

DEADPOOL trudges to his FRONT DOOR. He speaks to the
AUDIENCE:

DEADPOOL
Some kind of anger can’t be managed.
Like the kind where your year-long plan
ends with the wrong guy getting
dismembered! That said... when it comes
time to licking wounds... there’s no
place like home, and I share that home
with someone you met, the old blind lady
from the laundromat, Al. She’s like
Robin to my Batman. Except she’s old.
And black. And blind.

POPS INSIDE

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
And I think she loves me. Wait... pretty
sure Robin loves Batman, too.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Wade goes to a sketchy clinic in Mexico in a final attempt to find a cure for his cancer. He encounters a doctor who offers to cure him using bloody chicken gizzards, but Wade discovers the doctor is a fraud. A fight ensues, and Wade ends up killing the doctor. Vanessa witnesses the murder and is appalled.
Strengths "Intense action sequence with a high level of conflict. Effective in showing Wade's past violent tendencies and Vanessa's shock and horror at witnessing it."
Weaknesses "Some may find the violence and gore excessive or unnecessary."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. It sets up a clear picture of a foreign and unsanitary operating room, and introduces the character of Dr. Delgado, who ultimately meets a gruesome end at the hands of Wade/Deadpool. The dialogue is mostly in Spanish, which adds authenticity and offers a chance to showcase Wade's limited language skills. However, the use of chicken blood instead of a more realistic fake blood product may be seen as cheesy or humorous rather than serious. Additionally, the transition to Deadpool's lair at the end feels a bit abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Tighten up the dialogue: Some of the lines between Doctor Delgado and Abe feel a bit stilted and could use some reworking to sound more natural.

2. Increase tension: The scene between Wade and the doctor needs more tension and buildup. Perhaps instead of Wade revealing himself immediately, there could be a bit of a standoff between the two before the doctor realizes who Wade is.

3. Develop Wade’s character: This scene could benefit from more insight into Wade’s character and motivations. Perhaps there could be some internal monologue from Deadpool as he contemplates his past actions and why he is so prone to uncontrollable anger.

4. Vary the action: The fight scene between Wade and the doctor feels a bit repetitive and predictable. Consider spicing it up with some creative choreography or unexpected twists.

5. Clarify timeline: The transition between the operating room and the hallway is a bit unclear. Consider adding a time stamp or other visual cue to indicate that the hallway scene takes place in the future.



Scene 18 - The Transformation
31 INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 31

WADE, ghastly, nearing death, lies BACK onto a STRETCHER,
covered only by a FLIMSY HOSPITAL GOWN. He’s being wheeled
down a dim corridor by two tough-looking ORDERLIES.

In one hand, he holds the recruiter’s crumpled BUSINESS CARD.
In the other, he clutches the limited edition VOLTRON RING,
as tight as his shaky hand allows.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 49.
31 CONTINUED: 31

They turn a corner and push through a pair of double doors
into a cavernous room. Wade looks around, full of hope for a
new life. Immediately, every single thing he sees/hears
begins to erode his confidence. The RECRUITER stands just
inside the doors, smiling.

RECRUITER (O.S.)
Mr. Wilson! Nothing warms my heart like
a change of someone else’s.

Walking into Wade’s P.O.V. is the creepy RECRUITER. He beams
down on Wade.

RECRUITER (CONT’D)
You finally hit ‘fuck-it.’

WADE
Worse. Just promise you’ll do right by
me. So I can do right by someone else.

RECRUITER
Of course.

WADE
Oh, and please don't make my super suit
green. Or animated.

RECRUITER
I hope you enjoy your stay.

The ‘Workshop,’ as this old warehouse is affectionately
called, has been converted into a working LABORATORY.

Wade is wheeled through a vast room containing rows of
individual ‘tents,’ each containing a SUBJECT. Wade’s eyes
DART to helpless SILHOUETTES.

We hear WHISPERS, WHIMPERS, MOANS.

A FELLOW PATIENT, a pathetic, terrified little man named
CUNNINGHAM, is wheeled past Wade, restrained on another
STRETCHER. Cunningham briefly locks eyes with Wade, but
quickly moves on by.

Wade can’t help but be alarmed by the TERROR in Cunningham’s
eyes.

The tents are illuminated by BLINDING overhead lights. Wade
spies GRUESOMELY INTIMIDATING MEDICAL EQUIPMENT.

Wade is wheeled into the tent that’s his new home. The
FIGURE who was pushing Wade DUMPS him onto a CHROME OPERATING
TABLE and roughly STRAPS him down.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 50.
31 CONTINUED: (2) 31

WADE
Um. My first request? A warmer table.
(shivers)
And warmer hands.

Wade DOUBLE-TAKES at the sight of the figure above him:
ANGEL DUST - thirties, female, tall, sexy, athletic - an
Amazonian warrior in another age.

Angel Dust wheels over a high-tech I.V. DRIP, complete with
glass cylindrical tanks housing a glowing, viscous LIQUID.

Then she roughly straps Wade’s NECK to the table. Wade
nearly GASPS, the color now officially drained from his face.

WADE (CONT’D)
Easy! Aren’t you a little strong for a
lady? I’m calling wang.

ANGEL DUST
You’d like that, huh. Welcome to our
little hospital.

WADE
It doesn’t look like a hospital. It
looks like Chlamydia holding still.

An UNLIT MATCHSTICK protrudes from Angel Dust’s teeth - her
idea of a TOOTHPICK.

WADE (CONT’D)
Oral fixation?

ANGEL DUST
Shut. The fuck. Up.

Angel Dust places a FINGER on Wade’s FOREHEAD and SHOVES his
head back against the table - BANG - pinning it there.

AJAX (O.S.)
Patience, Angel. All in good time.

Enter AJAX, whom we know as the PRISONER from the RAFT with
whom we’ve seen Deadpool tangle in the PRESENT. This is the
first Ajax and Wade have met.

WADE
Can I expect turndown serv-?

Ajax nods to Angel Dust. BOOM! She GAGS Wade with SURGICAL
TUBING, then wraps it around the TABLE, immobilizing his
head.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 51.
31 CONTINUED: (3) 31

AJAX
You’re a talker.

Wade’s eyes are wider than ever. WTF?

AJAX (CONT’D)
(disarmingly matter-of-fact)
Mr. Wilson, my name is Ajax. I manage
the Workshop. My ‘welcome’ speech used
to be full of euphemisms like ‘You may
feel some discomfort.’ But I’ve grown
blunt.

Ajax unsheathes an I.V. NEEDLE. Angel Dust up-tilts the
table 45 degrees, then readies a holographic monitor.

AJAX (CONT’D)
The Workshop is not a government program.
It’s a private institution tasked with
turning reclamation projects like
yourself into men of extraordinary
abilities. I’m about to remake your
life. But if you think cancer cures
painlessly, you’re wrong. If you think
super-human powers are acquired
painlessly, you’re wrong.

Ajax touches Wade with the I.V. NEEDLE, pressing here and
there, not QUITE hard enough to break skin. At last, he
locates the subclavian vein. Wade flinches.

AJAX (CONT’D)
We’re injecting you with a serum that
activates mutant genes. For it to work,
we need to subject you to extreme stress.

The liquid glows FLUORESCENT through Wade’s white skin as it
pumps into the pulmonary highway.

AJAX (CONT’D)
You’ve heard the whole make-an-omelette,
break-some-eggs bit?
(Wade blinks)
I’m about to hurt you, Wade. The kind of
hurt I can’t describe and you can’t
prepare for. It’s cruel stuff. And
there’s no way out for you. No secret
you can tell me. No soft spot in me to
appeal to.

Wade stares at them in shock.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 52.
31 CONTINUED: (4) 31

ANGEL DUST
What, you expected Weapon X?

Ajax starts to TURN AWAY, but stops.

AJAX
One more thing. What’s the ad? ‘I’m not
just the president. I’m a client?’ I’ve
been through this procedure myself. It
made me stronger. It also scorched my
nerve endings. So I no longer feel pain.
In fact...
(smiles)
I no longer feel anything.

Wade reacts by SAYING something - made UNINTELLIGIBLE by the
surgical tubing. Ajax nods to Angel Dust, who slices the
SURGICAL TUBING, SNAPPING it away and FREEING Wade to TALK.

WADE
Something in your teeth.

Ajax smiles WITHOUT opening his mouth, signals Angel Dust.
She slams Wade’s head back again as he turns to leave.

Before he exits, Ajax hesitates, can’t help but check his
teeth in one of the surgical mirrors.

WADE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Made you look! Hey, is Ajax your real
name? ‘Cause it sounds suspiciously made
up. What’s it really? Steve? Mark?
Trevor? Kyle?
(E.T. voice)
Elliot?

We hear LAUGHS from nearby tents. Wade is now playing for an
audience.

AJAX
Joke away. The one thing that never
survives this place is a sense of humor.

WADE
We’ll see!

AJAX
(to Angel Dust)
All yours.

We re-take WADE’S P.O.V. as Angel Dust, chewing her
matchstick, re-enters frame above him, smiles, then punches
him in the face. Black.
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 53.
Genres: ["Superhero","Action","Drama"]

Summary Wade is taken to a workshop run by Ajax where he is injected with a serum that activates mutant genes. He is warned that the process will not be painless and that extreme stress is required for the serum to work. Wade is restrained on an operating table and Angel Dust assists in the process. Ajax reveals that he has been through the procedure himself and no longer feels pain. After Wade cracks jokes, Angel Dust punches him in the face, and the scene ends.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds suspense and tension through the use of the dimly-lit and foreboding setting, the creepy and menacing Ajax, and the intimidating medical equipment. The characters are well-developed and the dialogue effectively conveys their motivations and personalities. The emotional impact of Wade's precarious situation and the intense pain he will endure is powerful."
Weaknesses "Some viewers may find the scene too graphic or violent. The humor and jokes made by Wade may detract from the seriousness of the situation and reduce the overall impact of the scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 10


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 9

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 11

Story Forward: 10

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written. It effectively sets up the Workshop as a place of terror and pain, and introduces the main antagonist Ajax. The dialogue between Wade and the other characters, especially Ajax and Angel Dust, sets up their dynamic and provides some comic relief.

One potential area for improvement would be to provide more visual description of the Workshop itself. The scene mentions rows of individual tents, but doesn't describe what they look like or how they're set up. Some more details about the location could help to create a clearer mental image for the reader.

Additionally, while the scene effectively establishes the stakes for Wade and the extreme measures Ajax is willing to take, it may benefit from more character development for Wade himself. The scene focuses heavily on the Workshop and its inhabitants, but doesn't provide much insight into Wade's thoughts or emotions beyond his reactions to the situation.

Overall, the scene is effective in setting up the Workshop and its inhabitants as a threat to Wade, but could benefit from more detail in its visual description and greater character development for Wade.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more emotional depth to Wade's character. As he is facing his potential death, there is an opportunity to show a more vulnerable side to him. Additionally, there could be more attention paid to the setting and atmosphere of the Workshop to create a more intense and unsettling environment. Adding more character development and creating a stronger sense of tension would make the scene more compelling for the audience.



Scene 19 - Mutant Treatment Montage
32 INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT/DAY - MONTAGE - PAST 32

A MONTAGE of Wade’s treatments in the Workshop, set to the
notes of JOHN DENVER’s inspirational classic, ‘I WANT TO
LIVE.’ Juxtaposed with HARROWING VIGNETTES of Angel Dust and
AJAX experimenting on WADE...

...as he GASPS, CLAWS, SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER.

Wade is DUNKED into thick, molasses-like LIQUID. PULLED and
YANKED, POKED and PRODDED by contraptions that would have
shamed the Spanish Inquisition.

SAWED. COMPRESSED. SLICED. DICED. SLAP-CHOPPED. BLED.

LONG SYRINGES PLUNGE DEEP INTO SOFT TISSUE.

SCALPELS MAKE LONG INCISIONS.

ENDOSCOPIC CAMERAS TRAVEL THROUGH THE BODY, REVEALING THE
DIRTY WORK OF INVASIVE SURGICAL EQUIPMENT.

STAPLE-GUNS DRIVE STAPLES INTO SLICED SKIN TO PULL IT BACK
TOGETHER.

MINIATURE CIRCULAR SAWS SLICE THROUGH BONE.

IV’s PULL FLUIDS FROM THE BODY AND INSERT OTHER FLUIDS IN.

JOHN DENVER
I want to share what I can give. I want
to be... I want to live!

We also see SHORT, ULTRA-FAST MINI-MONTAGES of medical
instruments, implying the PASSAGE of TIME.

32AA INT. WORKSHOP - MONTAGE - NIGHT 32AA

Over images of:

INJECTION:

AJAX (V.O.)
The serum I’m injecting you with targets
any mutant genes lurking in your DNA.

TORTURE:

AJAX (V.O.)
Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the
serum, so we must subject you to extreme
stress.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 54.
32AA CONTINUED: 32AA

AJAX (V.O.)
If you’re lucky, the mutant genes will
activate and manifest in spectacular
fashion.

AJAX (V.O.)
If not, we’ll have no choice but to keep
hurting you in new and different ways.
Each more painful than the last.

32AA INT. WORKSHOP - DAY 32AA

AJAX
Until you finally mutate. Or die.
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Wade undergoes extreme mutant gene activation treatments in the Workshop, set to the inspirational song 'I Want to Live', while Ajax and Angel Dust experiment on him. The procedures are harrowing and include dunking him in liquid, slicing, dicing, and stapling his body, and subjecting him to extreme stress and torture.
Strengths "Intense and memorable depiction of the extreme treatments Wade undergoes, with a contrasting inspirational song providing emotional depth. The scene emphasizes the high stakes of the mutant gene activation process."
Weaknesses "The scene may be too intense or graphic for some viewers, and the dialogue is somewhat sparse."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have personal opinions or beliefs, but I can provide a professional critique of the scene.

The scene is highly graphic and arguably disturbing, which can be effective at eliciting strong emotions in the audience. However, it is important to consider the tone and genre of the film and whether this level of violence and gore is appropriate. If the film is a dark and gritty drama or horror, then this scene may work well. However, if the film is a more lighthearted action-comedy, then it may feel tonally inconsistent.

Additionally, the use of a montage set to an inspirational song creates an interesting juxtaposition between the brutal experimentation and the hopeful lyrics. This can be effective in creating a sense of irony or conveying a message about the resilience of the human spirit. However, it could also come across as heavy-handed or manipulative if not executed carefully.

Overall, the scene has the potential to be effective if it is well-executed within the larger context of the film. It is important to consider the tone, genre, and audience reaction when incorporating graphic violence into a story.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI, I do not have personal opinions or experiences, but based on industry standards, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Consider adding more specific details about Wade's emotional and physical state during the montage. This will help the audience empathize with him more and make the scene more impactful.
- Show more of Wade's resistance to the torture and experimentation. This will demonstrate his strength and will to survive, and showcase Ajax and Angel Dust's villainous nature and lack of empathy.
- Consider using a different song or score for the montage. John Denver's "I Want to Live" may not provide the desired tone or emotion for this scene.
- Avoid using cliched phrases like "shamed the Spanish Inquisition." It can come off as lazy writing and distract from the visceral and shocking nature of the scene.
- Consider using quick cuts and dynamic camera angles to make the montage more visually engaging and intense.
- Try to find a balance between the montages of medical instruments and the vignettes of torture to ensure the pacing feels smooth and meaningful.



Scene 20 - Mutant Gene Activation
33 INT. WORKSHOP - WADE’S TENT / WORM’S TENT - NIGHT 33

At last, Wade is laid back down on his table, only now in
QUIET DARKNESS, MEEK, WITHOUT ANY RESISTANCE whatever.

CUNNINGHAM (O.S.)
Puppies.

In the tent NEXT to Wade, CUNNINGHAM holds up his FIST to the
fabric. Wade can see it through the cloth in SILHOUETTE.

CUNNINGHAM (CONT’D)
It helps picturing puppies.

Wade gives Cunningham a KNUCKLE BUMP through the fabric.

WADE
Puppies.

CUNNINGHAM
Or kittens. If you swing that way.

WADE
(chuckles)
I swing both ways.

Wade swallows hard, grows serious:

WADE (CONT’D)
But me, I’ve been making a list of things
I still plan to do.

CUNNINGHAM
A bucket list?




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 55.
33 CONTINUED: 33

WADE
I prefer fuck-it list: Naked tandem base-
jumping with the WNBA’s Sacramento
Monarchs... Sparking up a spliff with the
Olympic torch...

CUNNINGHAM
Finishing my Lego Millenium Falcon...

WADE
Giving Meredith Baxter Birney a dutch
oven...

CUNNINGHAM
Making my kids banana pancakes...

AJAX (O.S.)
With the mouse ears? Creative, and
delicious.

AJAX and ANGEL DUST enter CUNNINGHAM’s tent and begin
prepping him for a fresh round of torture.

AJAX (CONT’D)
It’s OK, I encourage distractions. Can’t
have you giving up on us, can we now, you
little worm?

Suddenly, a VOICE calls out from the adjacent tent:

WADE (O.S.)
Don’t take that shit, Cunningham! How
tough can he be? Name like Francis.

Ajax is very subtly SURPRISED. WHAT did Wade just say? WADE
is still strapped down inside. Talking nice and LOUD:

WADE (CONT’D)
That’s right! He got ‘Ajax’ off a dish-
washing liquid!
(laughs from nearby tents)
Legal name’s Francis. F-R-A-N-C-I-oops.

Ajax has ENTERED Wade’s tent. Ajax’s expression tells us all
we need to know about the validity of Wade’s claim.

With as much freedom of motion as he has in one hand, Wade
WAVES a STUB of PAPER at Francis.

WADE (CONT’D)
Dry-cleaning tag, Francis. Snagged it
off your lab coat.
(beat)
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 56.
33 CONTINUED: (2) 33
WADE (CONT’D)
FYI. I may be able to get you the super-
hero discount.

CLOSE-UP on the tag, which reads ‘FREEMAN, FRANCIS.’

Ajax stares hard at Wade with menacing eyes.

AJAX
You are so relentlessly annoying. Shut
the fuck up, or I’ll sew that pretty
mouth shut.

WADE
Uh, I wouldn’t do that. Here’s the
problem with round-the-clock torture.
You can’t really step it up from there.

AJAX
Is that what you think?

WADE
Yeah. Francis. That’s what I think.

34 OMITTED 34

V35 EXT/INT. MONTAGE - VARIOUS V35
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Wade undergoes extreme mutant gene activation treatments while Ajax and Angel Dust experiment on him.
Strengths "The scene is intense and high-stakes, drawing the audience in and keeping them on the edge of their seats. Through Wade's character, there is an element of humor that breaks up the intense tone of the scene. The scene also effectively moves the plot forward, setting up the events that are to come later in the story."
Weaknesses "The scene may be too intense for some viewers, and the violence and torture portrayed may be difficult to watch for some. The scene is also relatively dark and lacks the lightheartedness of earlier scenes in the film."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well written with good dialogue and clear character motivations. The banter between Wade and Cunningham is clever and serves to show their bond/relationship. The introduction of Ajax and Angel Dust adds tension to the scene and raises the stakes for Wade. The reveal of Ajax's name being Francis and Wade's ability to get him a discount through his dry-cleaning tag shows that Wade is not as helpless as he may seem, and provides a hint of his resourcefulness. The only area of critique would be that some of the lines, particularly in Wade's "fuck-it list," feel a bit too forced and try-hard to be witty. Nonetheless, the scene fulfills its purpose in establishing character relationships and escalating the tension.
Suggestions The scene feels a bit scattered and could benefit from more focus on the main conflict. Here are some suggestions:

- Consider cutting down on the banter between Wade and Cunningham. While it adds some levity, it detracts from the seriousness of his situation.
- Emphasize the tension and danger of the torture by having Ajax and Angel Dust exhibit more menacing behavior.
- Use the banter between Wade and Ajax to highlight the power dynamic between them and build up to the final confrontation.
- Give Wade a more active role in the scene. He could try to escape or resist in some way, which would increase stakes and generate more suspense.



Scene 21 - Mutant Gene Activation Torture
35 INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 35

Two ORDERLIES and ANGEL DUST finish strapping Wade down and
attaching ELECTRODES to his head and chest. Wade is BOUND to
a HOSPITAL BED that’s ENCASED in a large CAPSULE of
PLEXIGLAS.

The top half of the capsule is hinged to one side, OPEN,
allowing Angel Dust access to Wade.

Ajax sits eating a meal from some Tupperware in a nearby
chair.

AJAX
Seems your genes are as stubborn as you.
But we can still increase your suffering.
We don’t even have a name for this next
toy.

Various WIRES and TUBES run out of the capsule, connected to
OXYGEN TANKS, DIALS, and a MONITOR tracking BRAIN and HEART.

AJAX (CONT’D)
We reduce the oxygen in the air to the
exact point you feel like you’re
suffocating.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 57.
35 CONTINUED: 35
AJAX (CONT’D)
If you start to pass out, and your brain
waves slow, we turn up the O2. If you
catch your breath, and your heart rate
slows, we turn it back down. And we
leave you. Right. There.

WADE
Um. What?

AJAX
Waterboarding is the most severe stress
known to man. This device prolongs that
stress. For hours, days, weeks...

Angel Dust chews her match and TAPS the capsule with a
FINGER.

ANGEL DUST
Or if you keep yapping, years...

WADE
And I thought you were dicks before
this.

AJAX
The saddest part? You still think we’re
making you a super-hero. You.
Dishonorable discharge. Beating up pizza
guys. Hip deep in hookers. You’re
nothing. I’d call you an asshole, but
I’d have to answer to assholes. Little
secret, Wade. The Workshop doesn’t make
super-heroes. It makes super-slaves.
We’re gonna fit you for a control collar
and auction you to the highest bidder.
(finishes meal, gets up)
Who knows what they’ll force you to do.
Put down freedom fighters. Murder
innocents. Or maybe just mow a lawn or
two.

ANGEL DUST
There’s a brave face.

Ajax goes to close the lid.

WADE
Seriously. Now you do have something in
your teeth.

AJAX
Enjoy the weekend!



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 58.
35 CONTINUED: (2) 35

Ajax swings the capsule CLOSED and LOCKS it. The sound leaks
away until all that’s left is a HISSING SOUND as AJAX hits
BUTTONS to lower O2 LEVELS.

Wade’s voice drops out as his breathing suddenly grows SHORT
and SHALLOW. The oxygen dials fall. His HEART-RATE SOARS.

ANGEL DUST
(chuckles)
He looks like a turd in a punch-bowl.

AJAX
(bright idea)
The ‘Punch-Bowl!’

Wade fights off panic. His breaths become desperate GASPS.
There’s not enough air to talk, or even SCREAM.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["action","science fiction"]

Summary Wade is restrained in a workshop, where Ajax and Angel Dust subject him to extreme mutant gene activation treatments involving torture and stress while threatening to turn him into a super-slave. The scene ends with Wade struggling to breathe as the oxygen levels are lowered.
Strengths "The scene effectively communicates the intensity of Wade's torture and the high stakes of his situation. The dialogue is sharp and captures the sadistic nature of Ajax and Angel Dust."
Weaknesses "The scene may be difficult for some viewers to watch due to its graphic nature. Some may find the dialogue somewhat contrived."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 10

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 11

Story Forward: 10

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique This scene is well-constructed and serves to establish the tone and stakes of the story. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, particularly in the banter between Wade and Ajax. The use of the enclosed capsule, electrodes, and medical equipment creates a sense of dread and urgency. The tension builds effectively, as the audience is left wondering how long Wade can survive the torture before climactic intervention. The scene also sets up the antagonistic relationship between Wade and Ajax, which drives the plot forward. Overall, this is a strong and effective scene.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual description: While the scene does contain some visual description, adding more would help the audience better understand the setting and enhance the tension. For example, describing the lighting, the sound of the machines, and the expressions on the characters' faces would make the scene more vivid.

2. Develop the dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is somewhat generic and lacks depth. To make it more compelling, consider adding more personal details about the characters that reveal their motivations and desires. This will make the scene more emotional and engaging.

3. Build the tension: The scene needs to build more tension to make the audience care about what happens to the characters. Consider adding more obstacles or unexpected twists to the scene that challenge the characters and make them fight harder to survive.

4. Clarify the stakes: The scene is about the villain's plan to turn the hero into a super-slave. However, the stakes of this plan are not fully clear. To make the audience care more, add more detail about what the hero would be forced to do as a super-slave, and how this would affect the world around them.

5. Show the hero's internal struggle: The hero is facing a life-threatening situation, but the scene does not fully capture their internal struggle. To make the scene more emotional, show the hero's thoughts, feelings, and memories as they fight to survive. This will make the audience care more about what happens to them and engage with the story on a deeper level.



Scene 22 - Mutant Gene Activation and Torture
35A INT. WORKSHOP TENT - LATER 35A

Night. Eerily DARK, SILENT.

An extreme CLOSE-UP of Wade’s hand, nails clenched into the
surface of whatever he’s lying on. Is his skin... actually
BUBBLING?

Two MEN enter the tent and stand over the PUNCH-BOWL.

CLICK. One of the men turns on a surgical light overhead,
revealing himself to be a KINDLY-looking DOCTOR, avuncular,
thick glasses. Next to him is an ORDERLY. The doctor peers
through the Punch-Bowl’s lid. He is SURPRISED by what he
sees. He nods to the orderly: ‘Go on, hurry.’

The orderly quickly unlocks and unlatches the lid, then
swings it OPEN. Air RUSHES INTO the PUNCH-BOWL. The orderly
steps away, leaving the doctor alone in the room.

WADE, hidden in darkness, gasps as though surfacing after
being held underwater.

The doctor casts a SHADOW over WADE’s face inside. The
doctor is FASCINATED, ENLIVENED.

DOCTOR
Mr. Wilson... these results are
remarkable.

Wade takes deep LUNGS-FUL of AIR.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 59.
35A CONTINUED: 35A

DOCTOR (CONT’D)
Your cancer cells are more aggressive
than ever. Dividing and metastasizing at
a fantastic rate.

WADE
(broken, breathless)
Yippee.

DOCTOR
But... the cells have inalterably
changed. They’re no longer destructive,
but productive, selectively targeting and
replacing damaged tissue.

WADE
That was a lot of... what’s the word...
syllables. Are you saying I’m better?

DOCTOR
Better than better. A miracle.

WADE
(weak smile)
My Mom used to call me that.
(ALT:)
Me and Jesus.
(beat, to doctor)
Thank you. I owe you my life.

Wade grows choked up. The doctor is taken with empathy and
affection. He tenderly brushes the hair off Wade’s forehead,
of which the camera catches the tiniest glimpse. Wade’s skin
is not RIGHT somehow.

DOCTOR
There. There. Your journey’s been long
and difficult. But you’ve become
something extraordinary. Just rest now.
Rest.

The doctor slowly exits. Wade lies there. Actually relaxes.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
Then, just when I thought I could breathe
easy...

Who appears over the PUNCH-BOWL but...

...AJAX.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 60.
35A CONTINUED: (2) 35A

AJAX
Oo. Someone lost his shot at homecoming
king.

WADE
You f-fucking sadistic-

AJAX
No. Not fair. Everything I’ve done to
you has been in your best interest. Even
this next bit. You may be cured, but you
still need to learn to be a better man.
Polite. Respectful. What better way to
teach you than to close this lid... and
keep torturing you stupid.

Ajax SLAMS the lid shut, LATCHES and LOCKS it. The hissing
resumes. Wade’s eyes grow wide. He starts to slip-slide
toward absolute ANGUISH.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
If you think I’m losing my marbles ‘cause
I can’t breathe. You’re only half right.

Ajax appears to be looking in at Wade. But we RACK FOCUS to
reveal he’s looking at his REFLECTION in the Plexiglas lid,
checking for stuff between his teeth.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
See, if Francis was able to see his
reflection...

The camera SWINGS around to Wade’s POINT-OF-VIEW of Ajax
through the glass lid, which has been newly ILLUMINATED by
the surgical light above...

...and then RACKS FOCUS to WADE’s REFLECTED FACE. Covered
with HORRIFIC SCARS. Wade is no longer a handsome young man.
He is a monster. Which is perfectly visible to him one foot
away.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
You know what they say. You always
remember your first time.

Wade throws back his head in a SILENT SCREAM.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
Even 5 years later...
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 61.


36 EXT./INT. SCRAP-YARD / GROUND - DAY - PRESENT 36

Back in the PRESENT, we find ourselves in a huge SCRAP-YARD,
where various ships, planes, etc. are sold for scrap iron.

Among various vehicles is an OLD, BATTERED COMBAT CARRIER,
long given up for dead.

A heavy truck navigates through the heaps of scrap-metal and
grinds to a stop in front of the carrier.

Two heavyset MEN climb down and head toward the back of the
truck, heave the heavy door open.

AJAX and ANGEL DUST stand just inside, boxes and gear piled
up behind them. They hop down as four more rough-looking men
pile out behind them.

Angel Dust drags out a WOODEN CRATE. The planks crunch as
she digs her fingers into the wood and heaves it up on one
burly shoulder as if it weighed no more than a sack of flour.
Heavy AMMO peeks through.

ANGEL DUST
Better to be the hunter than the hunted.

Ajax and Angel Dust walk across the muddy yard toward a
service elevator bolted to the rusting hulk of the carrier.

AJAX
Either I kill him, or he kills me. Let’s
put him out of our misery...

VA37 INT. GARBAGE TRUCK - DAY VA37

DEADPOOL lays horizontal. He is speaking to the AUDIENCE:

DEADPOOL
There... all caught up.

He CLIMBS up and out of the GARBAGE TRUCK.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
(yells to driver)
Thanks for the lift! Apologies if I bled
in the recyclables.
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi","Horror"]

Summary Wade is taken to a workshop and restrained on an operating table for extreme mutant gene activation treatments while being subjected to stress and torture by Ajax and Angel Dust.
Strengths "The scene effectively showcases the brutality of the experimentation on Wade, highlighting the high stakes and danger he faces. The tension is palpable throughout the scene, creating a sense of dread and fear for the outcome of the experiment. The final shot of Wade's scarred face adds another layer of horror to the scene."
Weaknesses "The dialogue feels a bit generic at times, and the characters of Ajax and Angel Dust could benefit from more development and depth."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with clear and concise descriptions of character actions and movements. The characters' dialogue is also effective in conveying their motives and personalities. However, there are a few areas of improvement that could enhance the scene.

First, there is room for more sensory details to create a richer and more immersive experience for the audience. For example, in the opening shot of Wade's hand, the description could be more detailed to include the texture, temperature, and any sensations he may be feeling. Also, the scene could benefit from more atmospheric descriptions to ramp up the tension and suspense.

Second, while the scene is necessary for plot development, it lacks a clear goal or conflict for the characters. The audience needs to know what the characters want and what's at stake for them. This could be achieved through adding more subtext or character observations to bring out the underlying emotions and motivations.

Lastly, the final transition feels abrupt and could be more smoothly integrated into the scene. Perhaps a hint of the scrap yard or some callback to the previous events could provide a better transition into the next scene.

Overall, this is a solidly written scene, but can benefit from more sensory details, a clearer objective, and a smoother transition into the next scene.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more visual description to emphasize the intensity and emotions of the characters. For example, instead of stating "Wade grows choked up," the writer could describe Wade's body trembling, tears falling down his face, and his voice breaking. This would allow the audience to feel Wade's emotions more deeply and create a stronger connection with the character. Additionally, including more sensory details in the scene, such as the smells and sounds of the punch bowl, could add another layer of depth to the storytelling. Another suggestion would be to add more conflict and tension between Ajax and Wade, to increase the stakes and drive the plot forward. This could be done through dialogue or action, such as Ajax taunting Wade or physically harming him in some way. Overall, focusing on creating a more immersive and emotionally engaging scene would help to enhance the impact of the story.



Scene 23 - Mutant Gene Activation
37 INT./EXT. DEADPOOL’S LAIR - DAY - PRESENT 37

A mid-city DUPLEX. Borderline ghetto. Semi-furnished,
‘first apartment’ quality: futons and torchiere lamps.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 62.
37 CONTINUED: 37

Stained carpet, currently being swept by a roaming ROOMBA.
IKEA... everywhere.

The same old AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMAN we glimpsed early in the
movie - late 70’s - purple floral dress - sits on a ratty
couch, where the typical old woman might KNIT.

Instead, this old woman uses a BOX-CUTTER to lay waste to a
BIG CARDBOARD BOX from IKEA - the ‘IVAR SHELVING UNIT.’

She lays out its components and tools on a wobbly IKEA NORNAS
COFFEE TABLE...

...made more difficult by the fact that she is completely
BLIND. This is Deadpool’s roommate, BLIND AL.

Suddenly, Blind Al’s KEEN EAR picks up a faint, distant
KNOCKING. She cocks her head to LISTEN.

38 EXT. DEADPOOL’S LAIR - DAY - PRESENT 38

ANGLE ON THE FRONT YARD:

Dirt. No grass. ‘93 Chevy Avon up on BLOCKS. An exhausted
DEADPOOL is slumped against his own front door, red suit, no
mask, no right HAND. He is KNOCKING weakly on the door with
the SIDE of his HEAD.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Wade undergoes extreme mutant gene activation treatments while being tortured by Ajax and Angel Dust in a workshop. The scene ends with Wade struggling to breathe as the oxygen levels are lowered.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the harrowing nature of the mutant gene activation treatment and the stakes faced by Wade. The setting and tone add to the overall tension of the scene."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is minimal and the scene may be too intense for some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 11

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 5

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene provides a good introduction to both Deadpool's living situation and his roommate, Blind Al. The description of the setting is clear and evocative, setting a realistic and slightly seedy tone for the scene. The introduction of Blind Al is also intriguing, and her use of a box-cutter to attack an IKEA product is a nice touch that hints at her character's resourcefulness.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. Firstly, the use of all-caps for certain words, such as "KEEN EAR" and "LISTEN", feels unnecessary and distracting. Secondly, there are a few instances of passive voice (for example, "where the typical old woman might KNIT") that could be rephrased to make the writing feel more active and lively. Finally, while it's clear that Deadpool is in a difficult physical state, his exhaustion is described in a somewhat vague way - adding a few more details here could make his situation feel more urgent and impactful.
Suggestions 1. Provide more detail in the setting description to enhance the visual for the audience. For example, describe the colors of the walls, any posters or decorations hanging, or the state of the kitchen.

2. Develop Blind Al's character further by incorporating more of her personality traits and backstory. This will make her more memorable and impactful to the audience.

3. Use more action verbs to enhance the action sequences in the scene. For instance, instead of saying Blind Al is "laying waste to a big cardboard box", say she is "methodically slicing the box with precision".

4. Provide more context as to why Deadpool is slumped against his front door. Is he injured? Why is he knocking with his head? Adding more depth to his character will make the scene more compelling for the viewer.

5. Add a subplot or conflict within the scene to heighten the tension. For example, perhaps Blind Al is trying to finish assembling the Ikea furniture before a strict deadline, but Deadpool's arrival interrupts her progress. Adding this layer of conflict will make the scene more dynamic and engaging.



Scene 24 - Torture and Tension
39 INT. DEADPOOL’S LAIR - DAY - PRESENT 39

ANGLE ON THE LIVING ROOM:

BLIND AL stands up in comfy creme nursing shoes. Grabs her
red-tipped CANE. And shuffles toward the front door...

...when she is TRIPPED by the ROOMBA. She FACE-PLANTS.

DEADPOOL (O.S.)
(from outside)
Let’s get ready to Rooooooomba!

BLIND AL
(under breath)
Ass-hat.

Al SWINGS her cane angrily, again and again, trying to hit
the robotic vacuum, which moves happily just out of reach.

She reaches her knees and stretches for the door when...

...DEADPOOL SPRINGS it open from outside, SLAMMING it into
her HEAD. Blind Al goes down again.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 63.
39 CONTINUED: 39

DEADPOOL
Morning, roomie!
(sniffs)
This place reeks like old lady pants.

BLIND AL
(still supine)
Yes. I’m old. I wear pants.

DEADPOOL
But you’re no lady.

Blind Al struggles to a sitting position. Deadpool walks
past her in his socks, drops his muddy BOOTS to the floor and
slips into a pair of POWDER-BLUE CROCS parked just inside the
door.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
So comfy.

BLIND AL
Upside of being blind: I’ve never seen
you in Crocs.

DEADPOOL
You mean my big rubber masturbatin’
shoes?

BLIND AL
Yes I know. Downside of being blind: I
hear everything in this duplex.

Deadpool walks bitterly past one wall of the DUPLEX, which is
COVERED - WALL-to-WALL, FLOOR-to-CEILING, with CHRISTMAS
ADVENT CALENDARS.

Tons of ornaments/candies/etc. adorn the calendars. There’s
not ONE CALENDAR left uncovered.

DEADPOOL
One-thousand eight-hundred twenty-two
ornaments pinned to two-hundred-sixty
calendars. All for a ‘Christmas’ that...
never... came!

BLIND AL
Too much naughty, too little nice.

DEADPOOL
Sit on a stick.

DEADPOOL SPLAYS OUT on a white futon, MOANING, nursing his
horrifying wound.


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 64.
39 CONTINUED: (2) 39

BLIND AL
Bactine?

DEADPOOL
(dripping sarcasm)
Yeah. Bactine should do it. How’s the
Kullen coming? IKEA doesn’t assemble
itself.

Blind Al sits back on the ratty couch and begins applying the
finishing touches to the shelving unit.

BLIND AL
You’re telling me. I don’t mind the
Kullen. It’s an improvement on the
Hurdal.

DEADPOOL
Anything’s an improvement on the Hurdal.
I’d have taken a Hemnes... or even a
Trysil... over the Hurdal. But I didn’t
get excited ‘til I saw the Kullen.

BLIND AL
Screw please.

DEADPOOL
Here? Now? Just kidding. I know it’s
been decades for you.

BLIND AL
You’d be surprised.

DEADPOOL
And totally grossed out!

Blind Al turns the final screw, beyond unenthusiastic.

BLIND AL
Ta. Dah.

The dresser look like the Leaning Tower of Piza in shitty
particle board. Deadpool TOSSES a DIRTY MAGAZINE on top.
The Kullen COLLAPSES.

BLIND AL (CONT’D)
I wish I’d never heard of Craig’s List.

DEADPOOL
And I quote: ‘Looking for roommate.
Blind to life’s imperfections. Must be
good with hands.’ Or wouldya rather I
build IKEA and you pay rent?


(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 65.
39 CONTINUED: (3) 39

BLIND AL
Why such a douche this morning?

DEADPOOL
Let’s recap. That cock-thistle who
turned me into this freak... the one I’ve
been waiting five years for... slipped
through my arms today. Arm.

Deadpool holds up his previously severed arm, which now has
a little tweenage ARM emerging off it. Yes. Deadpool can
GROW BACK LIMBS.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Catching him was my only chance to be hot
again. Get my super-sexy ex back. And
stop the same shit from happening to
anyone else. So yeah, things are pretty
fucking scrumptious.

Deadpool stands. Walks behind the couch, and as he passes
the back of Blind Al’s head... FARTS.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Hash-tag Drive-by.

BLIND AL
(to herself)
I’m gonna find this ‘Craig.’ And I’m
gonna kill him.

DEADPOOL
Once I’ve got the cure, I’m gonna do the
same to Francis...

RS40 INT. WORKSHOP TENT - LATER RS40

WADE, newly scarred, hidden in darkness, continues to GASP as
though being held underwater. Then the lid on the punch-bowl
SLIDES BACK, revealing AJAX. Wade takes deep LUNGS-FUL of
AIR. Ajax leans in for a closer look.

AJAX
Bloody hell. Someone lost his shot at
homecoming king.

WADE
(can barely speak)
What have you done to me?!

AJAX
You give me too much credit. This...
this is the result of your genes.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 66.
RS40 CONTINUED: RS40
AJAX (CONT'D)
The punch bowl merely raised your stress
to trigger the mutation.

WADE
You... sadistic... fuck!

AJAX
Where's the gratitude?! You’re cured!
Your mutated cells can heal anything.
They’re attacking the cancer as fast as
it can form. Your insides are a war
zone. Not to mention your outsides!

Wade looks stunned as he struggles to process all this
information. Ajax smiles down.

AJAX (CONT’D)
I’ve seen similar side-effects before. I
could cure them for you. But really,
where’s the fun in that?

Wade says nothing, hating him but wanting to believe.

AJAX (CONT’D)
I’m going to close this lid again. Maybe
you no longer need it. But I do.

For a long moment, Wade stares intensely at Ajax and sees...
nothing, a black hole of empathy. And he knows this is a man
who will never stop hurting him.

***NOTE: We will not be reshooting the rest of the scene
below with the exception of the final shot.****

So he turns his gaze to the ceiling and WITHDRAWS into
himself... the one place the cruelty can no longer reach him.

Angel Dust enters, chewing on her usual matchstick.

AJAX
He’s all yours.

Angel leans over the Punch-bowl, starts to undo Wade’s
restraints.

ANGEL
You smell like shit.

When Angel Dust leans close to Wade’s head he suddenly comes
alive and uses the strength he has left to HEAD-BUTT her in
the FOREHEAD.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 67.
CONTINUED:

AJAX
(impressed)
Whoa.

Angel advances toward Wade. Ajax stops her.

AJAX (CONT’D)
Hey, hey, alright. It’s alright. I
think he earned that one, yeah? You take
off. Go on... off you go.

As Angel Dust EXITS the tent, she reaches to her mouth for
her matchstick... only it’s not there. She frowns, fishes
another match from her pocket, and tucks it between her lips.

Ajax finishes strapping Wade back down and goes to close the
lid.

AJAX (CONT’D)
One question. What’s my name?

Wade remains listless, mouth SHUT. BLINKS.

AJAX (CONT’D)
Didn’t think so.

Ajax CLOSES and LOCKS the lid. HISS. The oxygen DIALS FALL.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
Sorry, Francis. But my lips are sealed.

And then we’re inside the punch bowl with Wade as the oxygen
levels drop and the suffering rises. Through a fog of misery
Wade sees Ajax staring down, watching him, drinking in his
pain.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy"]

Summary Wade is restrained and undergoing extreme mutant gene activation treatments while being tortured and threatened by Ajax and Angel Dust in a workshop. The scene ends with Wade struggling to breathe as the oxygen levels are lowered.
Strengths "The scene is intense and emotionally impactful, with strong characterizations of both Wade and the villains."
Weaknesses "The scene could be too dark and graphic for some viewers, and some may find it hard to watch."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene has a number of strong comedic beats and a clear sense of character, particularly in the witty banter between Deadpool and Blind Al. However, the tone shifts dramatically when the scene cuts to the workshop tent and Wade's torture at the hands of Ajax, which feels out of sync with the rest of the scene. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more concrete and vivid descriptions of the characters' movements and actions, as well as more attention to setting and staging. Overall, the scene has potential but could use some refinement and further development.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from some tightening and trimming of dialogue to make it more concise and punchy. Some additional action could help break up the dialogue and make the scene more dynamic. Additionally, consider incorporating more visual description to help the reader visualize the setting and characters.

For example, consider the following revisions:

INT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - DAY - PRESENT

Blind Al, a crotchety elderly woman, shuffles toward the front door with her cane. Suddenly, her Roomba trips her and she face-plants onto the ground.

DEADPOOL (O.S.)
(from outside) Let's get ready to Rooooooomba!

Blind Al SWINGS her cane angrily, trying to hit the robotic vacuum. Deadpool opens the door and slams it into her head, sending her back to the ground.

DEADPOOL
Morning, roomie! This place reeks like old lady pants.

BLIND AL
Yes. I’m old. I wear pants.

Deadpool slips into a pair of powder-blue crocs and walks past Blind Al.

DEADPOOL
So comfy.

BLIND AL
Upside of being blind: I've never seen you in crocs.

DEADPOOL
You mean my big rubber masturbatin' shoes?

Blind Al finishes assembling the Kullen dresser as Deadpool tosses a dirty magazine onto it, causing it to collapse.

BLIND AL
I wish I’d never heard of Craig’s List.

DEADPOOL
And I quote: "Looking for roommate. Blind to life's imperfections. Must be good with hands." Or would ya rather I build IKEA and you pay rent?

Blind Al continues to work as Deadpool rehashes his failed mission to catch Francis.

DEADPOOL
Once I’ve got the cure, I’m gonna do the same to Francis...

INT. WORKSHOP TENT - LATER

Wade, now scarred and gasping for air, sits in a punch bowl while Ajax taunts him.

AJAX
What have you done to me?!

AJAX (CONT'D)
Where's the gratitude?! You're cured!

Wade struggles to process the information as Ajax closes and locks the lid.

AJAX (CONT'D)
One question. What's my name?

Wade remains listless and unresponsive.

AJAX (CONT'D)
Didn't think so.

The oxygen dial falls as Wade suffers inside the punch bowl, watching as Ajax drinks in his pain.



Scene 25 - Mutant Gene Activation and a Fiery Escape
41 INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 41

Back in the Punch-Bowl, Wade OPENS his MOUTH... within which
he was HIDING a SINGLE MATCHSTICK, clenched carefully - dryly
- between his teeth.

He inhales... then SPITS OUT the match into his waiting PALM.
Finally, he STRIKES it against the side of the Punch Bowl.

Wade aims the now FLAMING match toward the tiny HOLE through
which OXYGEN flows. The match is quickly burning down. Will
it reach the hole before it snuffs out?

At the last possible moment...

...the flame COMBUSTS the stream of oxygen, IGNITING it...



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 68.
41 CONTINUED: 41

...back through the TRANSPARENT PLASTIC TUBE that trails
outside the Punch-Bowl.

The flame SNAKES through the tube, this way and that, until
it reaches the OXYGEN TANK standing next to the Punch-Bowl.
A beat. Then the TANK EXPLODES.

The BLOWS APART. The hospital bed SNAPS in TWO.

Out in the ward, the FIREBALL curls outward, spreading from
TENT to TENT. BOOM! BOOM! Other flammable tanks DETONATE.

The tents GO UP like ROMAN CANDLES. It’s now MASS CHAOS.

ALARMS BLARE. Flames LEAP. Smoke BILLOWS. Patients FLEE.

A CURTAIN of FIRE suddenly DISPERSES, replaced by billowy
WHITE SMOKE from an OVER-SIZED CHROME FIRE EXTINGUISHER...

...held by AJAX, who STRIDES grimly toward Wade’s tent. He
throws back the burning fabric...

...and nearly EATS an OXYGEN TANK. He BLOCKS it at the last
moment with his FIRE EXTINGUISHER. CLANG.

On the other end of the oxygen tank, WIND-MILLING it with
unbridled FEROCITY, is WADE.

WADE and AJAX SWING the oxygen tank and fire extinguisher
like modern day CLUBS, trying to take off each other’s heads.

CLANG! BANG! BAM! The tanks COLLIDE in mid-air.

Ajax’s fingers CRUNCH between metal. He doesn’t even feel
it.

Wade grabs the HOSE of Ajax’s fire extinguisher, angles it
up, and gets his finger on the TRIGGER.

The extinguisher BLASTS. Ajax is momentarily BLINDED.

Wade brings the oxygen tank down like a LUMBERJACK’S AXE.
Ajax BLOCKS it, but is driven to his KNEES.

Wade’s eyes are lit with fire. DOWN the tank COMES, again
and AGAIN. Ajax takes his own fire extinguisher to the CHIN.
Then catches a BLOW from the oxygen TANK to his TEMPLE.

The extinguisher goes FLYING. Wade swings the OXYGEN TANK
AGAIN, but against all odds, AJAX CATCHES it and SLAMS it
back into Wade’s NOSE. CRUNCH.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 69.
41 CONTINUED: (2) 41

Ajax rises to his feet, and the two grip OPPOSITE SIDES of
the OXYGEN TANK, GRAPPLING with every ounce of strength.

Wade sweeps Ajax’s feet and he topples over backwards, Wade
on top of him. Wade lifts the heavy tank and slams it into
his face. Once. Twice. Three times. CRACK.

As he’s about to finish the job Ajax smiles, blood bubbling
from his smashed lips.

AJAX
You can’t kill me, Wade. I’m the only
one who can fix that ugly mug.

Wade looks torn as his rage gives way to something like hope.
He tosses the tank away.

WADE
Then time to make me me again.

A scream of terror behind Wade makes Wade turn.

CUNNINGHAM (O.S.)
Wade! Help! Wade!

Wade looks through the smoke and flame and spies a helpless
Cunningham lying in the flaming wreckage.

WADE
Fuck!

Wade drops Ajax and SPRINTS to Cunningham, starts dragging at
the WRECKAGE trapping him, when... SLICE! A long piece of
sheared REBAR THRUSTS CLEAN THROUGH his CHEST from BEHIND.
The force sends the spear DEEP into the wooden floor beams,
pinning Wade like an insect in an entomologist’s display.

In a grand display of strength, AJAX BENDS the end of the
rebar to keep Wade pinned... then walks around and squats
down into Wade’s eye line, wearing a triumphant sneer.

AJAX
Say it. ‘Francis.’

Blood dribbles from Wade’s mouth as he tries in vain to push
himself off the bloody spike of metal. Ajax rises, scans the
burning workshop with a scowl - clearly a lost cause - and
turns to leave.

Cunningham screams again as the flames near him. Grunting
with the pain and effort Wade tries to push himself off the
spike.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 70.
41 CONTINUED: (3) 41

His hands slip on the blood-slick metal, and he cannot free
himself. His VOLTRON RING lies on the floor next to him.

Wade and Cunningham share a last look. Cunningham clamps his
jaws shut, fighting the agony.

CREAK... CRACKLE... the ROOF COLLAPSES, BURYING BOTH OF THEM.
And we... CUT TO BLACK.

FADE UP ON:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Wade is restrained and undergoing extreme mutant gene activation treatments while being tortured and threatened by Ajax and Angel Dust in a workshop. The scene ends with Wade struggling to breathe as the oxygen levels are lowered. But Wade manages to escape by causing an explosion that leads to a fight between him and Ajax. In the end, Ajax impales Wade with a piece of rebar and leaves him trapped as the building burns down around them.
Strengths "Intense action scene with high stakes and a lot of conflict. The scene moves the story forward and develops the characters of Wade and Ajax. The fiery setting adds to the tension and creates a memorable image."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could have been more punchy and there could have been more exploration of the theme."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 10

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-described visually, and the action is clear and easy to follow. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be strengthened.

Firstly, the dialogue between Wade and Ajax feels a bit predictable and cliché. Instead of simply taunting each other, the characters could engage in more meaningful and specific exchanges that reveal something about their personalities or motivations.

Additionally, it might be helpful to establish a stronger sense of stakes in the scene. While the destruction of the hospital and fight between Wade and Ajax is exciting, there isn't a clear sense of what the characters are fighting for. If there were a specific goal or objective that the characters were trying to accomplish, it would add tension and urgency to the scene.

Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the action and imagery, but could benefit from some deeper character development and heightened stakes.
Suggestions Consider simplifying and condensing the action in this scene, as it is quite long and the sensory details may be difficult to capture on screen. Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened up to be more concise and impactful. Consider focusing on the main conflict between Wade and Ajax, and giving more attention to the emotional stakes of the scene, particularly Wade's desire to save Cunningham and regain his appearance. Additionally, make sure that the setting and actions are clear and easy to follow for the audience.



Scene 26 - Escape from Torture
42 INT. WORKSHOP - DAY 42

Morning’s first sunlight. WADE’s VOLTRON RING lies
COMPLETELY MELTED in the DEBRIS. The camera follows it to
Wade’s hand... then up his arm to his FACE.

WADE’s eyelids flutter, and he COMES TO. He is naked, his
hospital gown burned away. We see BLACKENED SLUDGE, SOOT,
charred remains. The melted and scorched metal rod next to
him.

Wade slowly realizes where he is and what happened. He
reaches down to his stomach wound... WHICH HAS MIRACULOUSLY
HEALED. Wade sits up, stunned.

DEADPOOL (V.O.)
I didn’t just get the cure to El Cáncer.
I got the cure to everything.

V43 EXT. CITY STREET - MORNING - PAST V43

VANESSA, tired, broken, mind seemingly elsewhere, walks
towards her apartment. She passes a loving young COUPLE, arm-
in-arm.

Vanessa clocks this sadly, continues on.

Behind her, PEOPLE walk to and fro. Among them, we REVEAL:

WADE, dressed in ill-fitting pants and a hoodie. He is a
TRAIN-WRECK, scarred face on display to the world for the
first time.

He looks purposeful, but tentative, walking behind Vanessa,
GAINING on her.

ANGLE ON: WADE’s P.O.V.

A BOY goes by on his bike, trying hard not to gape. A
TODDLER in a STROLLER looks up and BURSTS INTO TEARS. The
toddler’s MOTHER hustles past.



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 71.
V43 CONTINUED: V43

MOTHER
Alex, don’t stare.

VANESSA stops and rifles through her purse for keys.

STILL on Wade’s P.O.V. Wade stops, too, suddenly paralyzed,
as the moment to face Vanessa arrives.

As he hesitates, torn with anguish, the WHISPERS seem to
grow, rising in volume until they become deafening:

WHISPER 2 (O.S.)
Oh, my, god, that is so fucking gnarly.

WHISPER 3 (O.S.)
I just lost my appetite.

Wade spins, trying to see where the voices are coming from.
Nowhere... everywhere. The WHISPERS crescendo, now more in
Wade’s mind than in reality.

He turns back to Vanessa, his face a mask of fear and pain...
just as she disappears into her apartment building. The
closing glass door reveals his own HIDEOUS REFLECTION STARING
BACK AT HIM.

DEADPOOL
In the whole wide world, there’s nothing
as ugly...
(beat)
...as fear.

He gives up on his mission, backing away from his reflection,
Vanessa, his old life. He stumbles off the curb and into the
street, when... BAM!

He is CRUSHED OUT OF FRAME by a SPEEDING BUS.

SMASH CUT TO
BLACK.

FADE UP ON:

A43 INT. MORGUE - NIGHT A43

THREE BODY BAGS lie on SLABS in a MORGUE.

Without warning, the MIDDLE bag SITS UP STRAIGHT at the
WAIST...

...then tries to CATERPILLAR its way to the edge of its
slab...



(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 72.
A43 CONTINUED: A43

...but instead pitches off the slab - CRUNCH - FACE-FIRST
onto the floor.

WADE (O.S.)
Ow.

B44 INT. DEADPOOL’S LAIR - NIGHT B44

An FBI-STYLE ‘ORGANIZATIONAL CHART’ has been pinned on Wade’s
CORKBOARD in the lair. A ‘pyramid’ of baddies are linked by
strings. Each baddie is depicted not by a photograph, but a
child-like CRAYON DRAWING.

Second from the top is the RECRUITER.

At the APEX of the pyramid is AJAX HIMSELF.

DEADPOOL, in his LAIR, sews together an early ‘proto-
costume.’

We see quick cuts of pieces of it going on:

White Adidas track suit. White gloves. White boots. And
some sort of white mask...

A single gun, underarm holster, boot knife but no swords.

VC44 INT. POOL HALL - NIGHT VC44

DEADPOOL
Don’t make me ask twice. Where’s
Francis?!

DEADPOOL questions a bleeding thug, more bodies scattered
across a floor littered with broken furniture behind him.

Another thug rushes in and smashes a pool cue over Deadpool’s
skull. Deadpool snatches the broken shaft of wood and PUNCHES
it into the thugs belly.

A third thug staggers to his feet, pulls a pistol, fires
multiple shots point blank. Deadpool staggers back, blood
blossoming across his white suit.

“CLICK”

The thug stares in disbelief that Deadpool’s still standing.

Deadpool looks down at the shaft of wood in his hand.
Thinks.




(CONTINUED)
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 73.
VC44 CONTINUED: VC44

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
I said, where’s... fucking... FR-
(realizes)
You made me ask twice.

Deadpool spins the bloody cue with inhuman dexterity and
starts towards the terrified thug, accidentally knocking over
a PITCHER of BLOODY MARY onto his already bloody stained
suit.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)
Fuck. Me.

D44 INT. LAUNDROMAT - DAY D44
Genres: ["Action","Drama"]

Summary Wade escapes from being tortured and activated with mutant genes by Ajax and Angel Dust, only to be impaled by Ajax and left trapped as the building burns down around them.
Strengths "The scene is action-packed, intense and suspenseful with great visuals. It showcases an important moment in the story."
Weaknesses "Some may find the torture scenes too graphic and disturbing. The dialogue could have been stronger."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 9

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 11

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 11

Story Forward: 10

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene reads fairly well. The action and dialogue are clear and easy to follow, and the scene includes some strong visuals that could translate well to the screen. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved:

- The transition from Wade waking up in the workshop to the scene with Vanessa is a bit abrupt. It might be helpful to have a brief scene showing Wade leaving the workshop and heading back to the city before we see him following Vanessa.
- The use of off-screen whispers and Wade's own fear and pain to build tension in the scene with Vanessa is effective, but the dialogue of the whispers ("that is so fucking gnarly," "I just lost my appetite") feels a bit on-the-nose. Perhaps something more subtle could be used.
- The scene ending with Deadpool getting hit by a bus feels a bit out-of-the-blue and not fully justified by what comes before it. Perhaps it would make more sense to build up to this moment in a more deliberate way, rather than having it feel like a sudden shock.
- Finally, some of the descriptions could be tightened up for clarity and concision. For example, the sentence "He looks purposeful, but tentative, walking behind Vanessa, GAINING on her" could be simplified to something like "He approaches Vanessa from behind with purpose."
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

- The transition between the workshop and the city street feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition, such as a fade or cut to black and then back up.
- Consider adding more sensory details to Wade's awakening in the workshop, such as sounds or smells, to make the scene more immersive.
- Show Wade's reaction to his healed stomach wound instead of just telling the audience. This could make the moment more impactful.
- The WHISPERS that Wade hears could benefit from a clearer explanation or context for why they are happening. Right now they feel a bit random and confusing.
- Consider adding more emotional depth and nuance to Vanessa's scene. Right now it feels very surface-level and doesn't allow for much character development.
- The transition from Vanessa's scene to Wade following her on the street is sudden and could be improved by a