THE BOYS
Pilot
TA "The Name of the Game"
Teleplay by
Eric Kripke
2
EXT. NEW YORK SIDE STREET - NIGHT
OPEN ON A BUS-STOP POSTER. A completely BLACK SUITED HERO in
a cologne ad. “BLACK NOIR for DRAKKAR NOIR.”
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 4.
3
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Starlight sits at a POLYGRAPH. Wears sensors. A bland
technician across from her, taking notes. (Fun fact: these
are real questions from CIA employee interviews.)
(CONTINUED)
4
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY
OPEN ON A BOOKCASE. Loaded with TROPHIES. RIBBONS. “LITTLE
MISS SUPERSTAR - 1st PLACE.” “SWEET CORN FESTIVAL & 5K RUN -
BEST OVERALL POWERS.” Etc. Along with a crowd of photos --
of a heavily made-up, Jon Benet-style Starlight, ages 4 thru
5
EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER - NEW YORK CITY - MORNING
PAN DOWN off the gleaming, sky-scraping, futuristic SEVEN
TOWER. To find --
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 16.
6
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - AUDITORIUM - DAY
The video continues. Classy Ken Burns style visuals. First,
we see black and white photos of a Captain America-like hero
named SOLDIER BOY.
(CONTINUED)
7
EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT
OPEN ON: the FBI CARD. Hughie inspects it --
Hughie. Butcher. Pass more and more pedestrians, as they
near the neon atomic blast of Times Square...
HUGHIE
8
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - DEEP’S ROOM - NIGHT
Starlight steps in, tentative. Deep’s apartment is MASSIVE.
TA
All blonde wood and trickling waterfalls and koi ponds and
Chinese writing. Not just aquatic -- Zen aquatic.
9
INT. SECURITY ROOM - NIGHT
The anxious Security Guard checks the coast is clear. Then
lets Butcher and Hughie into the SECURITY ROOM. A wall full
of monitors recording every room.
(CONTINUED)
10
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BATHROOM - NIGHT
A row of toilet stalls. And Starlight. At a sink. Stares at
herself in the mirror. Her mascara runs. She’s been crying.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 32.
11
INT. BLACK SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
The MAYOR of BALTIMORE. The one who mentioned ‘Compound V,’
whatever that is. He rides in the back. On his cell.
MAYOR
Ms. Stillwell. Wasn’t sure I’d hear
12
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY
Starlight’s Mother makes a bedazzled PRESS SCRAPBOOK of all
her daughter’s recent newspaper clippings.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
TA
13
INT. DIVE BAR - DAY
BUTCHER. Sits at the bar. Stares into his soda. When --
TA
A BEAUTIFUL REDHEAD, 30, approaches him.
booth-full of friends.
14
EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER/INT. BUTCHER’S CAR - NIGHT
PAN DOWN off the SEVEN TOWER to reveal -- Butcher’s car. The
behemoth of a Caddy.
INSIDE THE CAR. Hughie, anxious as hell. Looks in the back
seat -- notices some STRAY DOG TOYS. Bright, cutesy, squeaky
15
EXT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL/INT. BUTCHER’S CAR - NIGHT
Butcher pulls up in front of Hughie’s Electronics Store.
Quiet night. No one inside but GARY, the owner.
INSIDE THE CAR. Hughie, still pumped with adrenaline.
HUGHIE
16
INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - CONTINUOUS
WHACK! Translucent punches Butcher across the jaw. Then --
WHACK! Another hit. Butcher only grins, his teeth red.
Then ingeniously SPITS BLOOD in Translucent’s FACE. We see
U
This script flips the superhero genre on its head, blending action and humor with a gritty, satirical take on the concept of superheroes. It delves into the dark underbelly of the superhero world, revealing the corruption, manipulation, and abuse of power that lurk beneath the glamorous facade. Authentic and relatable characters, combined with a unique voice and fresh perspectives on familiar themes, create a captivating and thought-provoking narrative.
Action 30%
Crime 15%
Drama 40%
Fantasy 20%
Science Fiction 10%
Thriller 25%
Comedy 15%
Romance 5%
Setting: Modern day, New York City
Themes:Superheroism and Society, Power and Corruption, Trauma and Resilience, Corporate Influence and Manipulation, Search for Justice, Identity and Authenticity, Friendship and Loyalty, Revenge and Retribution, Hope and Optimism
Conflict & Stakes: The conflict between the Boys and The Seven; the personal stakes for Hughie and Butcher as they seek justice; the moral and ethical implications of unchecked superhero power.
Mood: Dark, satirical, and suspenseful
Standout Features:
Unique Hook: A fresh and subversive take on the superhero genre, exploring the dark side of power and celebrity.
Plot Twist: The shocking revelation of Homelander's true nature, exposing the dark secrets lurking beneath the surface of superheroism.
Distinctive Setting: The Seven Tower, a towering symbol of corporate greed and superhero excess, providing a visually striking backdrop for the story.
Comparable Scripts:Jupiter's Legacy, The Umbrella Academy, My Hero Academia, The Boys, Invincible, The Power, Supernatural, Stranger Things, Locke & Key, Titans
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Script Level Analysis
WriterExec
This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.
Screenplay Insights
Breaks down your script along various categories.
Overall Score: 8.50
Story Critique
Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.
Characters
Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.
Emotional Analysis
Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.
Themes
Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.
Logic & Inconsistencies
Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.
Scene Analysis
🎬
Scoring changed — the 10-second version
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0–2
not working
3–4
weak
5–6
functional ★
7–8
strong
9–10
exceptional
A 5 is fine. “Functional” (5–6) is a solid, professional scene — that's where most scenes sit. The scale rides low on purpose, so it has room to point down (where to fix) and up (what's working).
The table uses the same colors: warm = worth a look · neutral = fine · green = working. We re-scored our whole reference library the same way, so your percentile rankings stay a fair, apples-to-apples comparison.
All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.
Scene-Level Percentile Chart
Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.
This screenplay shines in its originality, emotional impact, and unpredictability, suggesting the writer's blend of intuitive and conceptual strengths. However, improvements in formatting, internal goal development, and pacing will enhance the overall balance and effectiveness of the narrative.
**Emotional Impact**: The screenplay excels in evoking strong emotions from the audience, with a percentile ranking of 90.08%. This indicates the writer's ability to connect deeply with the characters and convey their feelings effectively.
**Unpredictability**: The screenplay keeps the audience engaged and surprised with its unpredictable plot developments, earning a high percentile ranking of 90.82%. This strength suggests the writer's skill in crafting a compelling and suspenseful narrative.
**Originality**: The screenplay stands out with its unique and innovative premise, earning an impressive percentile ranking of 99.36%. This indicates the writer's ability to create fresh and memorable stories that captivate the audience.
Areas for Improvement
**Formatting**: The screenplay could benefit from improved formatting, with a current percentile ranking of only 40.38%. Ensuring a clean and professional presentation will enhance the readability and overall impact of the script.
**Internal Goal Score**: The screenplay's internal goal development could be strengthened, as indicated by its percentile ranking of 47.44%. Focusing on the characters' motivations and inner conflicts will add depth and relatability to the story.
**Pacing**: The screenplay's pacing may need some adjustment, with a percentile ranking of 48.08%. Balancing scenes and transitions effectively will help maintain a consistent flow and engage the audience throughout the narrative.
Writer Style
The percentile patterns suggest the writer has a blend of intuitive and conceptual strengths. While the high percentile rankings in emotional impact and unpredictability indicate an intuitive approach to storytelling, the strong concept and plot scores reveal a conceptual foundation as well. This combination enables the writer to craft emotionally resonant and captivating narratives.
Balancing Elements
**Concept and Character Development**: While the screenplay excels in concept and plot, the character development could be further emphasized to create a more balanced and engaging story.
**Originality and Structure**: The screenplay's highly original premise could be complemented by a more refined and effective structure to enhance the overall flow and clarity.
**Emotional Impact and Pacing**: The strong emotional impact could be enhanced by optimizing the pacing to ensure a smooth and engaging narrative that keeps the audience invested.
Intuition Level
Integrated
Overall Assessment
The screenplay demonstrates considerable potential with its unique premise, emotionally resonant storytelling, and unpredictable plot. By addressing areas for improvement such as formatting, internal goal development, and pacing, the writer can further refine the script and create a compelling and impactful cinematic experience.
How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault
(such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other
produced scripts for each criteria.
How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library
Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.
Unique Voice
Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.
Writer's Craft
Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building
Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.
Correlations
Identifies patterns in scene scores.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.
Unique Voice
Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.
Writer's Craft
Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building
Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.
Correlations
Identifies patterns in scene scores.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.
Script•o•Scope
Pass / Consider / Recommend Analysis
R
Gemini
Executive Summary
The pilot episode of 'The Boys' is a gripping and darkly humorous deconstruction of the superhero genre. With compelling characters, a fast-paced plot, and a unique satirical edge, the screenplay is sure to capture the attention of audiences.
Strengths
Hughie and Starlight's character introductions are compelling and instantly establish their contrasting personalities and motivations.
high
(
Scene 1Scene 2Scene 4Scene 10
)
The screenplay effectively satirizes superhero culture and corporate greed through witty dialogue and dark humor.
high
(
Scene 5Scene 6Scene 7Scene 12Scene 14
)
The plot twist involving the Mayor of Baltimore and Compound V adds intrigue and raises questions about the true nature of superheroes.
high
(
Scene 11Scene 15
)
The action sequences, particularly the fight with Translucent, are creative and suspenseful.
medium
(
Scene 9Scene 16
)
The pacing of the pilot episode is excellent, balancing character development with plot advancement and leaving the audience wanting more.
high
(
Scene general
)
Areas of Improvement
The Deep's sudden shift in character from charming to aggressive feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from more nuanced development.
medium
(
Scene 8
)
The inclusion of the sexual urges question during Starlight's polygraph feels unnecessary and potentially distracting.
low
(
Scene 3
)
The motivations and backstory of Billy Butcher remain largely unexplored in the pilot episode, leaving his character somewhat enigmatic.
medium
(
Scene general
)
Missing Elements
The pilot episode could benefit from a clearer explanation of Compound V and its implications for the superhero world.
high
(
Scene general
)
Exploring the emotional impact of Robin's death on Hughie beyond the initial shock and anger would add depth to his character arc.
medium
(
Scene general
)
Notable Points
The brief interaction between Butcher and the Redhead hints at a potential romantic subplot or a deeper emotional side to his character.
low
(
Scene 13
)
The use of media snippets and social media throughout the screenplay effectively portrays the pervasive influence of superhero culture.
medium
(
Scene general
)
R
GPT4
Executive Summary
The screenplay for 'The Boys' offers a fresh and engaging take on the superhero genre, blending dark humor with complex character development and a provocative narrative. It effectively sets up intriguing plotlines and character arcs that promise a compelling series. While there are areas for pacing and clarity improvement, the unique tone and bold thematic content make this a standout script.
Strengths
The screenplay effectively blends dark humor with intense drama, creating a unique tone that sets it apart from typical superhero narratives.
high
(
Scene general
)
Strong opening and closing scenes that bookend the episode with compelling hooks that engage the audience immediately and leave them eager for the next episode.
high
(
Scene 1Scene 55
)
Excellent character development, particularly for Hughie and Starlight, whose arcs are both compelling and serve as emotional anchors for the audience.
high
(
Scene 14Scene 15
)
The screenplay utilizes its ensemble cast effectively, giving each member of The Seven distinct personalities and motives which enhance the plot complexity.
medium
(
Scene general
)
Creative use of powers and superhero tropes to explore deeper themes such as corruption, fame, and the moral ambiguity of power.
medium
(
Scene general
)
Areas of Improvement
Some scenes may benefit from tighter pacing to maintain momentum, particularly in the middle sections where dialogue-heavy scenes slightly slow down the narrative.
medium
(
Scene general
)
The screenplay could further explore the backgrounds and motivations of some secondary characters to enhance audience connection and plot depth.
medium
(
Scene general
)
Increase clarity in scenes involving complex superhero powers or technological aspects to ensure all viewers can follow without confusion.
low
(
Scene general
)
Some transitions between scenes can be abrupt, needing smoother narrative bridges to enhance flow and coherence.
low
(
Scene general
)
The depiction of violence and dark themes, while effective, should be carefully balanced to avoid alienating more sensitive viewers.
low
(
Scene general
)
Missing Elements
There is a need for more distinct cultural or societal commentary to deepen the thematic layers and relevance of the narrative.
medium
(
Scene general
)
Notable Points
The screenplay's bold approach to deconstructing the superhero genre through a critical, satirical lens is both innovative and provocative.
high
(
Scene general
)
The dramatic twist with Homelander at the end effectively subverts typical hero expectations and sets a compelling stage for future conflicts.
high
(
Scene 55
)
;
Summary
High-level overview
"The Boys" is a screenplay that delves into the complex world of superheroes, showcasing the impact they have on society and the personal struggles of individuals entangled with them. The opening scene presents the admiration and reverence towards superheroes, particularly Homelander. The sudden and shocking death of Robin by A-Train leads to a tragic moment for Hughie. As Starlight navigates her desire to join The Seven, Hughie mourns Robin's death and resists signing a confidentiality agreement by Vought International. Starlight's discovery of Deep's dark secret and subsequent conflict add depth to her character. The negotiation between Vought International and the Mayor of Baltimore unveils the darker sides of the superhero industry. The tension and conflicts escalate as Hughie and Butcher seek justice for Robin's death, leading to a series of events that culminate in a shocking revelation about Homelander's true nature. With intense conflicts, emotional struggles, and shocking revelations, the screenplay takes viewers on a gripping journey into the world of superheroes and the human stories behind the masks.
Scene by Scene Summaries
Scene by Scene Summaries
The opening scene presents a montage of media images, showcasing the immense popularity and societal impact of superheroes, particularly The Seven led by Homelander. It highlights the public's adoration for these heroes and their presence in various aspects of culture. The scene emphasizes the emotional connection people have with superheroes, ending with a focus on Homelander's immense following.
While walking down a street, Hughie and his girlfriend Robin are suddenly struck by A-Train; Robin is killed instantly. Hughie is left in shock, holding her detached hands.
In this scene, Starlight undergoes a polygraph test for her interview with The Seven, expressing her desire to save the world. Meanwhile, Hughie attends Robin's funeral and grapples with grief and loss. He refuses a settlement from Vought International, maintaining his anger and seeking justice.
Starlight eagerly celebrates a job offer while Hughie confronts the harsh reality of the superhero industry, triggered by Vought's manipulation and the overwhelming loss of Robin.
Starlight and her mother arrive at the Seven Tower, greeted by a team of professionals. Vought's Vice-President presents to investors, highlighting the company's success and support for superheroes. Starlight prepares for her first public appearance, feeling overwhelmed but excited.
The Seven introduce Starlight, their newest member, amidst fanfare. Meanwhile, Hughie encounters Butcher, a mysterious man who exposes his knowledge of Robin's death and The Seven's involvement, hinting at potential conflicts to come.
Hughie and Butcher discuss Butcher's vigilante group and Hughie's opportunity to join. Starlight struggles with her emotions and the absence of Deep in his room.
Starlight discovers Deep's drug use and an unconscious woman, leading to a confrontation and a threat to keep the incident a secret.
Hughie and Butcher are enraged by the security footage showing A-Train and Big Game mocking Robin's injuries. Meanwhile, Julia Stillwell negotiates with the Mayor of Baltimore, offering the new superhero Nubian Prince in exchange for dropping the Compound V investigation. Despite the deal, the threat of Vought's secret program being exposed remains.
Starlight faces her vulnerability in a compassionate encounter with Queen Maeve, while Hughie and Butcher forge a risky plan to infiltrate the Seven Tower to gather evidence against A-Train.
The Mayor negotiates with Stillwell to lower Nubian Prince's cost, hinting at a hidden agreement. Hughie struggles with accepting Vought's payment while Starlight faces potential danger in Central Park. Translucent's invisibility demonstration highlights Vought's powers, while the black SUV foreshadows future events.
In her suburban home, Starlight's Mother proudly displays a scrapbook filled with her daughter's accomplishments. Amidst the accolades, Annie/Starlight grapples with disillusionment and vulnerability. Seeking solace, she confides in Hughie in the serene park. Their heartfelt conversation delves into her struggles, leading to Hughie offering compassion and a fresh perspective. As they part ways, Annie and Hughie introduce themselves, finding a spark of connection and understanding amidst their shared experiences.
Butcher and Hughie team up to confront A-Train about killing Hughie's girlfriend. A-Train refuses to apologize, leading to a tense standoff between the two sides. Meanwhile, Starlight struggles to fit in with the other members of the Seven.
Hughie infiltrates The Seven Tower under Butcher's guidance to plant a listening device. Despite anxiety and close encounters, he succeeds in his mission and retrieves the device, although Translucent discovers the bug, setting up a potential conflict.
Hughie and Butcher visit Hughie's workplace, where Butcher dismisses him after using him to plant a bug. Hughie is attacked by the invisible superhero Translucent, but Butcher intervenes with his car, allowing Hughie to escape.
Inside Bryman Audio Visual, Butcher and Translucent continue to fight until Butcher gains the upper hand and electrocutes Translucent. Hughie helps Butcher subdue Translucent by pulling the fire alarm and revealing his weakness. On the rooftop of the Seven Tower, Starlight harnesses her powers, while Homelander causes a plane crash.
Visual Summary
Images and voice-over from your primary video
Final video assembled from the sections below.
Scene 0
The story opens with a montage showcasing the glamorous lives of superheroes, particularly focusing on the Seven, a powerful superhero team. Their public personas are celebrated, but the reality of their actions is far more sinister.
Scene 0
Hughie, a young electronics salesman, experiences a devastating loss when his girlfriend, Robin, is killed by A-Train, a speedster superhero. This moment shatters his world and sets him on a path of vengeance.
Scene 0
In the aftermath of Robin's death, Vought International, the corporation behind the superheroes, offers Hughie a settlement. This encounter reveals the cold, corporate nature of the superhero industry.
Scene 0
Hughie meets Billy Butcher, a mysterious figure who offers him a chance for revenge against the superheroes. Butcher reveals the dark side of the Seven and the collateral damage they cause.
Scene 0
Annie January, aka Starlight, is introduced as she joins the Seven, excited to fulfill her lifelong dream of being a superhero. However, her idealism is quickly challenged by the reality of her new role.
Scene 0
Starlight's first day with the Seven reveals the toxic environment of the superhero team, including the Deep's predatory behavior and the superficiality of her colleagues.
Scene 0
Hughie and Butcher confront Translucent, a member of the Seven, leading to a violent showdown that tests Hughie's resolve and commitment to their cause.
Scene 0
Hughie learns the truth about the superheroes and their disregard for human life, culminating in a shocking act of violence against Translucent.
Scene 0
As the heroes' true nature is revealed, Hughie must confront the question: Can he truly fight against the system that killed Robin, or will he become just like them?
Scene 0
The story builds to a climactic confrontation between Butcher, Hughie, and the Seven, as they attempt to expose the truth behind Vought's corruption.
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📊 Script Snapshot
8.50
What's Working
Premise
8.8
The screenplay's subversion of superhero tropes and exploration of the dark side of power and celebrity create a compelling and original premise that...
Theme
8.4
The screenplay's exploration of justice through Hughie's journey is particularly effective. His transformation from a passive tech virtuoso to a deter...
Where to Focus
Emotional Impact
7.5
Some emotional moments could be further developed to explore the psychological impact of events on the characters.
Structure
8.3
While the pacing is generally well-managed, the subplot involving Starlight's discomfort within The Seven could be streamlined to enhance the overall...
Script-Level Scores
📊 Understanding Your Scores
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💡
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Characters
8.1
The screenplay displays effective character development, crafting complex and relatable characters who undergo significa...
Analysis: The screenplay displays effective character development, crafting complex and relatable characters who undergo significant transformations throughout the narrative. However, there are opportunities to enhance the depth and nuance of certain characters to strengthen their emotional impact on the audience.
Key Strengths
The screenplay effectively portrays the emotional impact of grief and loss on Hughie. His journey from a passive tech virtuoso to a determined seeker of justice is believable and emotionally resonant.
The screenplay for "The Boys" presents a compelling and original premise that challenges the traditional superhero narra...
Analysis: The screenplay for "The Boys" presents a compelling and original premise that challenges the traditional superhero narrative, exploring themes of power, corruption, and the dark side of celebrity. While the premise is engaging and sets up intriguing conflicts, there's potential to further refine the motivations and backstories of certain characters, particularly those within The Seven, to enhance audience understanding and emotional investment.
Key Strengths
The screenplay's subversion of superhero tropes and exploration of the dark side of power and celebrity create a compelling and original premise that sets it apart from traditional superhero narratives.
The contrast between the public's perception of superheroes and the reality of their actions creates a sense of intrigue and tension, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see how the conflict unfolds.
The screenplay exhibits a well-structured narrative, establishing a solid foundation for a captivating story. By offerin...
Analysis: The screenplay exhibits a well-structured narrative, establishing a solid foundation for a captivating story. By offering a harmonious balance of tension and release, the screenplay effectively sustains audience engagement. However, certain plot elements warrant refinement to elevate the screenplay's overall impact.
Key Strengths
The opening scene establishes a strong hook by introducing the world of superheroes and the protagonist's personal tragedy, immediately captivating the audience's attention.
Areas to Improve
While the pacing is generally well-managed, the subplot involving Starlight's discomfort within The Seven could be streamlined to enhance the overall rhythm and maintain audience engagement.
The screenplay explores complex themes of justice, power, and the corrupting influence of fame with depth and nuance. It...
Analysis: The screenplay explores complex themes of justice, power, and the corrupting influence of fame with depth and nuance. It effectively uses the superhero genre to delve into these topics in a thought-provoking and engaging manner. However, some scenes could benefit from more subtle and organic integration of themes to enhance their impact and avoid feeling didactic.
Key Strengths
The screenplay's exploration of justice through Hughie's journey is particularly effective. His transformation from a passive tech virtuoso to a determined seeker of justice highlights the struggle against powerful and corrupt forces. The emotional depth and authenticity of his character arc add weight to the theme of justice and resonate strongly with the audience.
The screenplay effectively leverages visual imagery to establish a rich and immersive world, showcasing innovative story...
Analysis: The screenplay effectively leverages visual imagery to establish a rich and immersive world, showcasing innovative storytelling techniques. It skillfully utilizes vivid descriptions to bring scenes to life, fostering a cinematic experience for the reader.
Key Strengths
The opening montage in Scene 1 effectively sets the tone for the screenplay, providing a visually captivating introduction to the world of superheroes and their impact on society. The rapid cuts between different media sources and footage create a sense of immersion and establish a fast-paced and dynamic visual style.
The visual description of Starlight's superhero outfit and her cooking Kraft macaroni and cheese in Scene 4 creates a juxtaposition that highlights her duality as both a powerful superhero and a relatable young woman. This scene effectively balances the glamorous and mundane aspects of her character, making her more relatable to the audience.
The screenplay effectively elicits emotional responses, particularly in scenes showcasing the characters' grief, vulnera...
Analysis: The screenplay effectively elicits emotional responses, particularly in scenes showcasing the characters' grief, vulnerability, and moral conflicts. However, enhancing the emotional depth through nuanced character motivations and exploring the psychological impact of events could elevate its emotional resonance.
Key Strengths
The opening scene effectively establishes the emotional stakes of the story and introduces the protagonist's grief and determination.
The scene where the protagonist confronts the antagonist showcases a powerful emotional conflict and highlights the protagonist's moral struggles.
Areas to Improve
Some emotional moments could be further developed to explore the psychological impact of events on the characters.
The screenplay presents a compelling central conflict and stakes, but it could be strengthened by further developing the...
Analysis: The screenplay presents a compelling central conflict and stakes, but it could be strengthened by further developing the characters' motivations and exploring the emotional weight of their choices. By deepening the conflict and raising the stakes, the screenplay can create a more engaging and immersive experience for the audience.
Key Strengths
The opening scene establishes a strong sense of conflict and stakes, immediately drawing the audience into the story.
**The screenplay showcases a captivating blend of originality and creativity, particularly in its subversive take on the...
Analysis: **The screenplay showcases a captivating blend of originality and creativity, particularly in its subversive take on the superhero genre and the complexities of its characters.**
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
CharacterInconsistencies
Character Hughie Description Hughie is initially portrayed as timid and non-confrontational, but later shows surprising assertiveness and even aggression towards the lawyer and Translucent. This shift could be better developed or explained.
( Scene 1 Scene 3
)
Character Starlight Description Starlight's initial idealism clashes with her passive response to the Deep's assault. While understandable given the power dynamics, her later defiance could be foreshadowed or her internal conflict explored further.
( Scene 8 Scene 12
)
StoryInconsistencies
Description The video evidence from the private club contradicts A-Train's claim of stopping bank robbers, creating a significant discrepancy that should be addressed and explored further.
( Scene 9
)
Description The Mayor's knowledge of 'Compound V' and his subsequent death suggest a deeper conspiracy related to superhero creation or control, but the details and implications remain unclear.
( Scene 9 Scene 11
)
PlotHoles
Description Butcher's plan relies on Hughie getting access to the Seven Tower, but the reason why Vought would agree to A-Train's apology seems contrived and convenient for the plot.
( Scene 14 Scene 15
)
DialogueAuthenticity
Description The casual and humorous dialogue between the superheroes, particularly when discussing Robin's death and collateral damage, seems insensitive and incongruous with the gravity of their actions.
( Scene 5 Scene 9
)
Redundancies
Element Hughie's panic attacks
( Scene 4 Scene 14 Scene 16
)
Suggestion While highlighting Hughie's trauma is important, the repeated panic attacks could be streamlined or depicted with more variation to avoid diminishing their impact.
Element Superhero branding and media presence
( Scene 1 Scene 5 Scene 7
)
Suggestion The pervasiveness of superhero culture is effectively established early on, and some of the later references could be condensed or integrated more organically into the plot.
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The film presents a complex exploration of superheroism in the eyes of society, highlighting both its allure and its dangers. It critiques the public's unrealistic expectations of superheroes and the tendency to idolize them, while also acknowledging the positive impact they can have on the world.
The film explores the intersection of superheroism and societal expectations. It delves into how these expectations can influence the behavior of superheroes and how their actions can impact the wider society.
In the opening montage, include dialogue from ordinary citizens or media personalities expressing their perspectives on superheroes, ranging from admiration to skepticism. This will provide nuanced viewpoints and make the theme more relatable.
Character Arc
Develop Hughie's character arc to reflect the inner conflict of balancing his desire for justice with the moral compromises involved in associating with Butcher. This will explore the personal costs of confronting societal issues.
When Starlight discovers Deep's illicit behavior, have her confront him with more force. This will demonstrate the complexities of superhero ethics and the consequences of compromising one's values.
Story Arc
Weave into the narrative the growing public awareness of the Seven's flaws and the subsequent backlash from society. This will highlight the dynamic relationship between superheroes and the communities they serve.
In the final confrontation, visually emphasize the contrast between Starlight's heroic actions and Homelander's villainous behavior. This will provide a striking visual representation of the theme, reinforcing the idea that true heroism lies in protecting society from those who abuse their power.
Power and Corruption
15%
The film delves into the theme of power and corruption, showcasing how unchecked power can lead to dangerous consequences. It portrays the Seven as morally ambiguous characters, operating above the law and abusing their powers for personal gain.
The film examines the dangers of unchecked power and the potential for those in positions of great power to become corrupt. It explores the consequences of wielding immense power without accountability or moral restraint.
Trauma and Resilience
10%
The film emphasizes the psychological toll of trauma, particularly exploring the aftermath of Robin's tragic death. It highlights Hughie's journey of grief and his resilience in seeking justice despite his loss.
The movie delves into the emotional impact of trauma and the importance of resilience in overcoming it. It demonstrates the various ways in which characters cope with grief, loss, and trauma, and how these experiences shape their growth and development.
Corporate Influence and Manipulation
10%
The film exposes the corrupting influence of large corporations, exemplified by Vought International and their manipulative tactics. It illustrates how corporations can exploit and control superheroes for their own financial gain, while concealing the truth from the public.
The work explores how corporations can manipulate and influence superheroes for their own benefit. It examines the dangers of excessive corporate power and the ways in which it can corrupt individuals and undermine the integrity of a just society.
Search for Justice
10%
The film portrays the characters' relentless pursuit of justice, exemplified by Hughie's determination to hold A-Train accountable for Robin's death. It highlights the challenges of seeking justice in a corrupt system while facing immense obstacles.
The movie follows the protagonist's journey to achieve justice for a loved one who was wronged or killed. It examines the challenges faced by individuals as they navigate a complex legal and social system to seek retribution and closure.
Identity and Authenticity
10%
The film explores the themes of identity and authenticity through Starlight's journey of self-discovery. It showcases her struggle to reconcile her true self with the expectations of others and the demands of her superhero persona.
The film delves into the concept of identity and authenticity. It examines the tension between one's true self and the expectations imposed by society, exploring the challenges and rewards of embracing one's true identity.
Friendship and Loyalty
5%
The film emphasizes the strength of friendship and loyalty, evident in the bond between Butcher and Hughie as they unite in their pursuit of justice. It depicts the unwavering support and camaraderie between the two characters despite the challenges they face.
The work explores the power of friendship and loyalty, showcasing the unbreakable bonds between characters. It demonstrates the ways in which friends support, protect, and inspire one another, even in the face of adversity.
Revenge and Retribution
5%
The film delves into the dark side of revenge and retribution, exploring the consequences of seeking vengeance at any cost. It depicts the moral and psychological toll it takes on Butcher as he embarks on a path of violence.
The movie examines the theme of revenge and retribution. It explores the consequences of seeking vengeance, highlighting the emotional and moral turmoil it can cause to those who pursue it.
Hope and Optimism
5%
Despite its dark and cynical elements, the film also offers a glimmer of hope and optimism through the character of Starlight. She represents the potential for change and the possibility of using one's powers for good.
The work infuses a message of hope and optimism into the narrative. It highlights the power of perseverance, resilience, and the ability to find light even in the darkest of times.
Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."
Scene by Scene Emotions
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals
The protagonist's internal goals evolved from seeking justice for his girlfriend's death to navigating moral dilemmas and standing up against injustice.
External Goals
The protagonist's external goals evolved from seeking financial compensation for his girlfriend's death to joining a group seeking revenge against superheroes.
Philosophical Conflict
The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the tension between the idealized image of superheroes and the harsh reality of their flaws and imperfections.
Character Development Contribution:
The protagonist's goals and conflicts contribute to his growth as he confronts moral dilemmas, stands up against injustice, and grapples with the complexities of heroism.
Narrative Structure Contribution:
The goals and conflicts drive the narrative forward by creating tension, conflict, and moral ambiguity that propel the protagonist's journey and the overall story.
Thematic Depth Contribution:
The goals and conflicts deepen the thematic exploration of heroism, morality, and power dynamics, providing a nuanced examination of these concepts in a complex and morally ambiguous world.
Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict
How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you
develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all
down and make it fully clear in this episode.
By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story
3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and
Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Pressure
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
The beats can be called before they land
Unpredictability
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
It ends about where it started
Movement
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
How these scenes compare to produced screenplays
A radar chart against produced screenplays — interesting if you like graphs, and it takes a minute to interpret
Scene-Level Percentile Chart
📊 Understanding Your Percentile Rankings
Your scene scores are compared against professional produced screenplays in our vault (The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.). The percentile shows where you rank compared to these films.
Example: A score of 8.5 in Dialogue might be 85th percentile (strong!), while the same 8.5 in Conflict might only be 50th percentile (needs work). The percentile tells you what your raw scores actually mean.
💡
Hover over each axis on the radar chart to see what that category measures and why it matters.
🎬
A 5 is fine — here's how scene scores read
0–2not working
3–4weak
5–6functional ★
7–8strong
9–10exceptional
“Functional” (5–6) is a solid, professional scene — that's where most scenes sit.
The scale rides low on purpose, so it has room to point down (where to fix) and
up (what's working).
Why your numbers look lower than they used to
Scenes now use the full 0–10 scale, so your numbers will look lower and
more spread out than before. That's the new, smarter model being honest —
not a verdict on your script.
The table below uses the same colors:
warm = worth a look · neutral = fine ·
green = working. The point is awareness,
not maxing every number — a scene can be light on plot or conflict for good reasons.
PolishMontageNo lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
SoftThe structure works but is leaking power in places.
7.2
8 / 8
9 / 8.5
8
7
7
7
7
7
8
9
8
9
9
8
7
7
8
7
8
7
Scene 1 - The Glorification of Superheroes
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 4.5/10
The scene ends on a light, domestic note with no cliffhanger or open question, so it does not strongly compel the reader to continue, though the world's intrigue offers some pull.
Script Continuation Score: 5/10
Given the whole script so far, the montage has established a rich satirical world, but the lack of an inciting incident or hook means the story has not yet gained momentum; the reader may be curious but not urgently driven.
Scene 2 - Tragic Accident
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8.5/10
The scene ends with Hughie in shock and Starlight beginning her audition, creating a strong desire to see what happens next to both characters. The open questions (Will Hughie recover? Will Starlight get the job? What will happen to A-Train?) compel the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
Given the whole script so far, the shocking inciting incident and the introduction of a parallel plotline create strong momentum. The reader is pulled to see how Hughie's trauma will drive the story and how Starlight's journey will intersect with his.
Scene 3 - Grief and Determination
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Hughie holding the NDA and the pen, creating a clear question: will he sign? This compels the reader to continue to see his decision.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has established Hughie's trauma and the systemic injustice, and the unresolved NDA and Starlight's parallel story create momentum. The reader wants to see how Hughie's passivity breaks and how Starlight's idealism clashes with reality.
Scene 4 - Conflicting Paths and Broken Dreams
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8.5/10
The scene ends with Hughie in a panic attack, a powerful cliffhanger that makes the reader want to see how he recovers or what he does next. Starlight's success also creates anticipation for her first day.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built strong momentum: Hughie's trauma is escalating, Starlight is entering the lion's den, and the thematic critique is deepening. The reader is compelled to see how these threads collide.
Scene 5 - Starlight's Arrival and Presentation
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 5/10
The scene ends with Starlight in the elevator, ready for her life to change, which creates mild curiosity but no cliffhanger or urgent question.
Script Continuation Score: 6.5/10
Given the whole script so far, the unresolved arcs of Hughie's grief and Starlight's integration into the Seven create momentum, but this scene is a lull that doesn't add new hooks.
Scene 6 - Starlight's Debut and Butcher's Revelation
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Butcher's cryptic invitation, creating a strong hook that makes the reader want to see what he offers Hughie, though the Starlight thread feels temporarily resolved.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has built momentum through Hughie's grief and Starlight's rise, and Butcher's introduction adds a new, intriguing thread that promises to connect the two storylines, keeping the reader invested.
Scene 7 - The Recruitment
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a cut to Starlight's hopeful moment, which creates a contrast but no direct cliffhanger; the open question is whether Hughie will join Butcher, which compels continuation.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script so far has built momentum through Hughie's grief and Butcher's conspiracy, and this scene deepens the hook; the parallel Starlight thread adds intrigue, keeping the reader invested.
Scene 8 - Deep's Secret
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene compels continuation through Starlight's unresolved trauma and Hughie's unanswered questions about Butcher's mission, though the club scene's self-contained spectacle slightly reduces urgency.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script maintains strong momentum from earlier scenes, with Starlight's complicity and Hughie's recruitment creating compelling threads, but the club scene's tonal shift risks losing some emotional investment.
Scene 9 - Unveiling the Truth
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8.5/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger (Compound V) and a clear question (will Hughie join Butcher?), making the reader want to see the next scene immediately.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built strong momentum through Hughie's grief, Starlight's corruption, and now the Compound V mystery. This scene deepens the conspiracy and raises the stakes, making the reader highly invested in what comes next.
Scene 10 - Aftermath and Plans Amidst the Darkness
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
This scene compels continuation because it ends with Butcher's ominous vow and Hughie's implied agreement, plus Starlight's unresolved trauma. The open questions (will Hughie plant the bug? What will he find?) drive the reader forward.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong: the conspiracy deepens, Starlight's arc is painful but compelling, and Butcher's vendetta against Homelander is a major hook. The scene reinforces these threads without resolving them, keeping the reader invested.
Scene 11 - Negotiation and Intrigue
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 5/10
The scene ends on a question—will Hughie give in or fight?—which creates mild suspense, but the lack of a cliffhanger makes it easy to pause.
Script Continuation Score: 6.5/10
The script has built momentum through Hughie's grief and Butcher's offer, and this scene reinforces the stakes, but it's a quieter beat that doesn't accelerate the plot.
Scene 12 - A Daughter's Journey
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene is self-contained and doesn't end on a cliffhanger, but the emotional connection between Hughie and Annie creates a subtle hook, making the reader curious about their future interactions.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads—Hughie's revenge plot, Annie's secret, and the larger conspiracy—that keep the reader invested, and this scene adds emotional depth without derailing momentum.
Scene 13 - The Showdown
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with the boardroom meeting in progress and Hughie's plan in motion, creating clear hooks: will the apology happen? How will Starlight cope? The reader is compelled to see the next scene.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has built strong momentum through Hughie's grief-driven quest and Starlight's traumatic induction into the Seven. This scene tightens both threads, and the unresolved tension (Deep's threat, the apology setup) keeps the reader engaged.
Scene 14 - Hughie's Stealth Mission in the Seven Tower
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8.5/10
The scene ends with Hughie's success but also with Translucent witnessing the act, creating a cliffhanger that makes the reader want to see the consequences immediately.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built strong momentum through Hughie's grief, his alliance with Butcher, and the parallel Starlight storyline. This scene advances the plot and raises stakes, compelling the reader to continue.
Scene 15 - A Shocking Encounter
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 9/10
The scene ends on a strong cliffhanger with Hughie grabbing the carbon cables, making the reader desperate to see if he will fight or flee, and how the confrontation with Translucent resolves.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script's momentum is high: Hughie's arc is deepening, the threat from the Seven is escalating, and Butcher's motives remain mysterious. This scene adds a direct physical confrontation that raises the stakes for the entire story.
Scene 16 - Electrocution and Plane Crash
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 9/10
The scene ends with a major cliffhanger (the plane going down) and a clear 'to be continued,' making the reader desperate to see what happens next. The disposal of Translucent's body also creates immediate suspense.
Script Continuation Score: 8.5/10
The script has built strong momentum through Hughie's transformation, Starlight's hidden rebellion, and the growing conspiracy. This scene raises the stakes dramatically and introduces Homelander as a clear antagonist, compelling the reader to continue.
Scene 1 — The Glorification of Superheroes — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is easy to follow: the montage clearly shows superhero media, then we see Hughie at work and with Robin. The only potential confusion is the rapid-fire media cuts, but the context is clear.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is montage/atmosphere, establishing the world's tone. The intent is clear: to show how superheroes are commodified and contrast that with Hughie's ordinary life. The turn is from global spectacle to personal scale.
Scene 2 — Tragic Accident — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is very clear in its staging: we know where we are (a New York side street), who is present (Hughie and Robin), and what happens (A-Train runs through Robin). The shift to Starlight's audition is also clearly marked by a new scene heading. The only minor confusion is the 'TA' and 'U' annotations, which appear to be notes rather than part of the script.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
9/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: we track Hughie's desire for a future with Robin, which is violently interrupted. The scene follows a Track (romantic setup) / Constraint (A-Train's arrival) / Turn (Robin's death) structure. The intent is clear: to shock the audience and establish the brutal stakes of the world.
Scene 3 — Grief and Determination — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is easy to follow: each location is clearly headed, and the actions (polygraph, funeral, lawyer visit) are straightforward. The fantasy sequence is clearly marked. No confusion.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: the reader tracks Hughie's internal struggle and the external pressure to sign. The scene follows a Track (Hughie's grief) / Constraint (the NDA) / Turn (his refusal to sign, though only in fantasy) structure. The Starlight segments are a secondary track that feels disconnected.
Scene 4 — Conflicting Paths and Broken Dreams — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is easy to follow. Location shifts are clearly marked. The only potential confusion is the quick cut from Starlight's kitchen to Robin's parents' apartment, but the scene headings make it clear.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent with a Track/Constraint/Turn structure: we track Hughie's attempt to sue and Starlight's attempt to join The Seven; the constraint is the system (Vought's money, parents' grief); the turn is Hughie's rejection and breakdown.
Scene 5 — Starlight's Arrival and Presentation — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is easy to follow: the location shifts from outside the tower to the auditorium to the elevator, and the sequence of introductions is clear. The only minor point is that the 'Vought page' is a bit vague, but context clarifies it.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: the scene tracks Starlight's goal to join the Seven and the corporate machinery that facilitates it. The constraint is her passivity—she is led through events. The turn is her realization that her life is about to change, but it's a soft turn.
Scene 6 — Starlight's Debut and Butcher's Revelation — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its parallel structure: the auditorium introduction of the Seven is visually distinct from Hughie's electronics store. The shift from Starlight to Hughie is abrupt but understandable. The only minor confusion is the quick cut from the auditorium to 'EXT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT' without a clear transition marker.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7.5/10
The primary mechanic is montage/atmosphere for the Starlight portion, then character-introduction for Butcher. The track is clear: we are meant to see Starlight's dream realized while Hughie's nightmare continues. The constraint is that the scene must establish both worlds without fully merging them yet. The turn is Butcher's arrival, which shifts the scene from observation to active plot setup.
Scene 7 — The Recruitment — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is easy to follow: Hughie and Butcher walk through Times Square, their conversation is clear, and the cut to Starlight is signaled by a new scene heading. No confusion about who is where or what is happening.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Butcher's goal is to recruit Hughie, and Hughie's is to decide. The scene tracks Hughie's internal shift from skepticism to consideration. The constraint is Hughie's grief, and the turn is his realization that he has nothing to lose.
Scene 8 — Deep's Secret — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is generally clear, but the transition from Deep's room to the club is abrupt, and the club's layout and character introductions could be confusing. The shift in location and tone is not smoothly bridged.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Starlight's goal to thank Deep is clear, and Hughie's goal to follow Butcher is clear. The scene tracks Starlight's disillusionment and Hughie's education, but the club's purpose (to show depravity) is somewhat on-the-nose.
Scene 9 — Unveiling the Truth — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is clear in its staging: the security room with monitors, the boardroom with the mayor. The shift between locations is marked by a clear scene heading. The actions (plugging in the memory stick, showing the photo) are easy to follow.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Hughie's intent to see the truth, Butcher's intent to recruit him, Stillwell's intent to close a deal. The track is Hughie's emotional reaction and the mayor's leverage. The constraint is the Supe's secret (Compound V). The turn is the mayor's threat.
Scene 10 — Aftermath and Plans Amidst the Darkness — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is easy to follow: locations are clearly established (bathroom, dive bar, street), actions are described (Starlight inspecting bruise, Hughie panicking), and character identities are clear. The only minor confusion is the 'TA' notation, which is non-standard.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Starlight's intent is to hide her shame, Queen Maeve's is to offer silent solidarity, Hughie's is to resist then accept a dangerous mission. The track is clear: Starlight's disillusionment and Hughie's recruitment. The constraint is that both plots are setup, not payoff.
Scene 11 — Negotiation and Intrigue — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is clear: we see the Mayor on the phone, then cut to Hughie's apartment with his parents and the TV showing Translucent. The intercut is well-labeled. No confusion.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: we track Hughie's internal struggle. The constraint is his grief and his father's pressure. The turn is the father's speech, which forces Hughie to confront his choice, but he doesn't act on it yet.
Scene 12 — A Daughter's Journey — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is easy to follow: location is clear (park bench near the Seven Tower), characters are identified, and actions are straightforward. No confusion.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: both characters are seeking connection and validation. The track is their emotional exchange, the constraint is their shared pain, and the turn is the mutual advice that gives them a new perspective.
Scene 13 — The Showdown — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is easy to follow: clear location shifts (dive bar to boardroom), distinct character voices, and unambiguous actions. The only minor point is the 'TA' and 'U' markers, which might confuse some readers, but context clarifies them.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Hughie's plan to trap A-Train and Starlight's resolve to face the team. The scene tracks their goals and the constraints (A-Train's reluctance, Deep's threat). The turn comes when Hughie's plan succeeds and Starlight chooses defiance.
Scene 14 — Hughie's Stealth Mission in the Seven Tower — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is easy to follow: location shifts are clear (car to lobby to boardroom to bathroom), actions are described precisely, and character identities are unambiguous. The only potential confusion is the quick transition from bathroom to Translucent's reveal, but it's handled well.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Hughie's goal to plant the bug is clear, and the scene tracks his progress through obstacles. The constraint is the security system, and the turn is the near-miss with Starlight and the reveal of Translucent's surveillance.
Scene 15 — A Shocking Encounter — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is easy to follow: location shifts are clear (car to store to back room), the invisible character is indicated by O.S. and floating objects, and the action sequence is spatially coherent. The only minor confusion is the stray 'TA' and 'U' markers.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Hughie wants to survive and later to fight, Translucent wants to interrogate and kill, Butcher wants to save Hughie and capture Translucent. The track is clear: Hughie's transformation from victim to fighter. The constraint is Translucent's invisibility, and the turn is Hughie's decision to grab the cables.
Scene 16 — Electrocution and Plane Crash — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The action is mostly clear: the fight, the electrocution, the disposal. The cross-cutting to Starlight and the plane is clear in intent. One point of confusion: the 'U' and 'TA' notations in the script are unexplained. The transition from the store to the rooftop to the plane is smooth.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is set-piece action with character turns. The reader tracks Hughie's transformation from victim to killer, Starlight's suppressed power, and Homelander's true nature. The constraint is the need to dispose of the body, and the turn is the plane murder revealing the true threat.
World Building
Physical environment: The world of “The Boys” combines elements of a modern urban setting with the extraordinary presence of superheroes. There are towering skyscrapers like the Seven Tower and bustling locations such as Times Square, which serve as a backdrop to the action-packed scenes. However, the world is not limited to the city; suburban houses, parks, and secret hideouts provide a diverse range of environments that reflect the complexity of the characters' lives and the conflicts they face. The high-tech equipment and advanced security measures seen throughout the screenplay contribute to a sense of realism and highlight the influence of technology in this world.
Culture: In the world of “The Boys,” the culture is heavily influenced by the presence of superheroes. The Seven are idolised by the public and have a significant media presence, with their actions and personal lives constantly scrutinized. This celebrity culture has led to the emergence of superhero merchandise, fan clubs, and even religious groups like 'Capes for Christ.' However, beneath the surface of hero worship lies a darker reality, where the superheroes' true nature is often hidden from the public.
Society: The society in “The Boys” revolves around superheroes, who are seen as protectors and saviors. The public has immense faith in their abilities and relies on them for safety and security. This has created a hierarchical structure, with superheroes at the top and ordinary citizens at the bottom. The power dynamics between these two groups are often explored, as the superheroes' actions can have far-reaching consequences for the lives of ordinary people.
Technology: Technology plays a significant role in the world of “The Boys.” Advanced security systems like Vimtag Security Cameras and polygraph tests are commonly used, reflecting the technologically advanced nature of society. The superheroes themselves possess unique abilities and gadgets that enhance their powers, such as Translucent's invisibility cloak and Queen Maeve's superhuman strength. This integration of technology into the superhero world creates a sense of realism and adds to the excitement of the action sequences.
Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology in “The Boys” significantly shape the characters' experiences and actions. The presence of superheroes creates a constant sense of awe and excitement for the characters, but it also exposes them to danger and moral dilemmas. The hierarchical society forces them to navigate power dynamics and question their own values. The advanced technology enhances their abilities but also raises concerns about privacy and control.
Narrative contribution: The world elements in “The Boys” contribute to the narrative by providing a backdrop for the complex conflicts and character arcs. They create a sense of realism and immersiveness that allows the audience to connect with the story on a deeper level. The juxtaposition of the mundane and the extraordinary adds to the tension and suspense, as the characters struggle to reconcile their expectations with the darker reality of the superhero world.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in “The Boys” enhance the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring issues such as the dangers of hero worship, the corruption of power, and the struggle between good and evil. The characters' interactions with the physical environment, culture, society, and technology reveal the complexities of human nature and the moral ambiguities that arise in a world where superheroes exist.
Voice Analysis
Summary:
The writer's voice is characterized by its authenticity, humor, grit, and dark satire.
Voice Contribution
The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a unique tone that blends humor with serious themes. This voice engages the audience and keeps them invested in the story despite its often dark and disturbing content.
This scene is the best representation of the writer's voice because it perfectly captures the blend of humor and darkness that is characteristic of the screenplay. The scene is funny on the surface, with Homelander mocking the socialites and signing their autographs with a bored expression. However, there is also a darker undercurrent to the scene, as it highlights the superficiality and vapidity of the superhero world. Homelander is bored and uninterested in the people who idolize him, and he uses his fame to manipulate and control them.
Style and Similarities
The screenplay exhibits a blend of different writing styles, with a focus on strong characterization, witty dialogue, and complex themes. The writers effectively navigate between humor and serious moments, crafting scenes that are both entertaining and thought-provoking.
Style Similarities:
Writer
Explanation
Joss Whedon
Joss Whedon's influence is evident in several scenes, particularly those that showcase quick-witted dialogue, nuanced character dynamics, and a balance between humor and drama.
Garth Ennis
Garth Ennis's style is apparent in scenes that delve into gritty themes, explore moral dilemmas, and feature complex and often flawed characters.
Alan Moore
Alan Moore's influence manifests in scenes that explore dark and intricate narratives, delving into the psychological complexities of characters and the consequences of their actions.
Other Similarities: Other screenwriters mentioned, such as Aaron Sorkin, Damon Lindelof, Alan Ball, Zack Snyder, and Mark Millar, also contribute to the richness of the screenplay's writing style, bringing their unique perspectives to various scenes.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
Pattern
Explanation
Emotional Scenes are highly rated
Scenes with a strong emotional impact tend to receive higher overall grades. This suggests that the author is particularly skilled at writing emotionally resonant scenes.
Dialogue is a Strength
The dialogue in the screenplay is consistently rated highly, indicating the author's ability to write natural and engaging dialogue.
Emotional Impact and Stakes Go Hand-in-Hand
Scenes with high emotional impact also tend to have high stakes, suggesting that the author effectively uses emotional tension to drive the plot.
Character Changes Lack Consistency
While individual scenes may feature strong character development, the overall consistency of character changes across the screenplay could be improved. This may be an area to focus on in future drafts.
Emotional Rollercoaster
The screenplay effectively shifts between a wide range of emotions, with scenes of humor and playfulness juxtaposed with scenes of heartbreak and grief, creating a dynamic and engaging narrative experience.
Tense and Suspenseful Atmosphere
A substantial number of scenes are characterized by tension, suspense, and darkness, creating a heightened sense of atmosphere and urgency throughout the screenplay.
Writer's Craft Overall Analysis
The analyzed scenes showcase the writer's strong foundation in screenwriting craft, with a focus on character development, dialogue, and thematic depth. However, there are areas where improvement would elevate the writing to an even higher level.
Key Improvement Areas
Pacing and Structure
Multiple scenes could benefit from tighter pacing and clearer narrative structure to enhance the flow and impact of the storytelling.
Character Development
Some scenes could benefit from deeper character exploration and stronger motivations to make the characters more relatable and emotionally engaging.
Conflict and Tension
Certain scenes could be strengthened by introducing more intense conflicts and heightening the tension to create a more gripping and suspenseful narrative.
Dialogue
While the dialogue is well-written in general, some scenes could benefit from more nuanced and impactful exchanges to convey character emotions and motivations more effectively.
Suggestions
Type
Suggestion
Rationale
Screenplay
Read 'Save the Cat' by Blake Snyder
This book provides valuable insights into storytelling techniques, character development, and pacing, addressing key improvement areas identified in the scene analyses.
This exercise helps develop the writer's ability to create engaging and suspenseful scenes, an area identified for improvement.
Video
Watch interviews with screenwriters known for their character-driven storytelling, such as Aaron Sorkin
These interviews offer insights into the craft of character development and can help enhance the writer's ability to create relatable and compelling characters.
Screenplay
Study screenplays by writers known for their sharp dialogue, such as Quentin Tarantino
Analyzing screenplays with strong dialogue can help the writer improve their craft and create more impactful and engaging conversations between characters.
Course
Consider taking a course on screenwriting fundamentals to strengthen the basics of storytelling, structure, and character development
A structured course can provide a comprehensive approach to addressing multiple areas for improvement identified in the scene analyses.
Additional Notes:
The writer demonstrates a strong understanding of the craft with a unique voice and style. By focusing on the key improvement areas and incorporating the suggested exercises and resources, the writer has the potential to craft even more compelling and impactful screenplays in the future.
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
Trope
Trope Details
Trope Explanation
Superhero Team
The Seven is a team of superheroes led by Homelander.
The trope of a superhero team is a common theme in superhero stories, where a group of individuals with superpowers come together to fight evil or protect the world. An example of this trope is the Avengers in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Tragic Origin Story
Robin is unexpectedly killed by a superhero named A-Train, leaving Hughie in shock.
The trope of a tragic origin story involves a character experiencing a traumatic event that shapes their motivations and actions throughout the story. An example of this trope is Batman witnessing his parents' murder, leading him to become a vigilante.
Secret Organization
Butcher reveals he is a member of a group that spanks Supes who step out of line.
The trope of a secret organization involves a group with hidden agendas and operations that impact the main characters and the story's events. An example of this trope is the Men in Black organization in the Men in Black film series.
Corrupt Corporation
Vought International offers settlements to victims of superhero incidents and covers up their involvement.
The trope of a corrupt corporation involves a powerful entity engaging in unethical practices for profit or control. An example of this trope is the Umbrella Corporation in the Resident Evil video game series.
Betrayal
Deep threatens Starlight to keep a secret about his misconduct, betraying her trust.
The trope of betrayal involves a character breaking trust or loyalty with another character, leading to conflict and emotional turmoil. An example of this trope is Snape betraying Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series.
Underdog Protagonist
Hughie is a regular person who seeks justice for his girlfriend's death and uncovers secrets about superheroes.
The trope of an underdog protagonist involves a character who is underestimated or faces overwhelming odds but rises to the challenge and proves their worth. An example of this trope is Rocky Balboa in the Rocky film series.
Moral Dilemma
Starlight faces a moral dilemma when she witnesses Deep's misconduct and must decide whether to keep it a secret.
The trope of a moral dilemma involves a character being torn between two conflicting choices, each with ethical implications and consequences. An example of this trope is the trolley problem in ethical philosophy.
Power Corrupts
Homelander causes a plane crash, revealing his true psychopathic nature.
The trope of power corrupts involves a character becoming morally compromised or abusive when given authority or superhuman abilities. An example of this trope is Anakin Skywalker's transformation into Darth Vader in Star Wars.
Innocent Bystander
Hughie witnesses Robin's death and becomes embroiled in a conflict between superheroes and a secret organization.
The trope of an innocent bystander involves a character who is caught up in dangerous or extraordinary events beyond their control due to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. An example of this trope is Frodo Baggins in The Lord of the Rings.
Redemption Arc
Starlight seeks redemption for her actions and struggles with ethical dilemmas within The Seven.
The trope of a redemption arc involves a character who seeks to atone for past mistakes or misdeeds by undergoing personal growth and positive change. An example of this trope is Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Array
(
[0] => A man devastated by his girlfriend's death seeks revenge against superheroes with the help of a vigilante.
[1] => In a world where superheroes are worshipped, one man plants a bug to take down The Seven and avenge his girlfriend's death.
[2] => A tech genius joins forces with a vigilante to seek revenge against the very superheroes he once idolized.
[3] => Superheroes are the norm, but when a tech salesman's girlfriend dies, he takes matters into his own hands to seek justice.
[4] => In a world full of heroes, one man takes matters into his own hands to avenge his girlfriend's death and take down a corrupt team of supers.
)
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View Analysis
View Script
1 · The Glorification of Superheroes
THE BOYS
Pilot
TA "The Name of the Game"
Teleplay by
Eric Kripke
Based on the Comic by
Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson
THE BOYS
“The Name of the Game”
FADE IN...
OPEN on COMIC BOOK PICTURES WHIRRING PAST. Golden Age to
Modern Age. Beloved heroes you all know and love -- like
Soldier Boy, Lamplighter, and most of all, the Homelander.
Until the images coalesce into a block of text:
VOUGHT STUDIOS PRESENTS:
Then -- A SNAP OF STATIC TAKES US TO --
YOUTUBE. Hand-held iPhone video of a statuesque warrior
(QUEEN MAEVE) kicking the SHIT out of a robber.
Now Queen Maeve perp-walks the cuffed robber to the waiting
NYPD. Most notable is the CROWD that’s gathered around,
cheering and chanting her name. A galaxy of phone FLASHES,
as everyone else records it, too.
The CHRYON along the bottom: “EYEWITNESS FOOTAGE OF QUEEN
TA
MAEVE IN ACTION!”
Which LAUNCHES us into a fast-paced FIREHOSE RUSH of IMAGES.
TV, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. A multi-faceted, multi-
media world -- but one thing unites us all:
WE LOVE SUPERHEROES.
E! CHANNEL. VIDEO FOOTAGE of the DEEP, a handsome-as-hell
aquatic hero in a skin-tight suit, in Long Island, comforting
a beached whale. Bystanders call out his name (”DEEP!
DEEP!”) as TWO E! NEWS ANCHORS dish about his granite abs.
U
SNAP! A moody, Michael Bay-style image of THE SEVEN, the
world’s most popular Superhero Team. Homelander, Queen
Maeve, the Deep, the Lamplighter, others.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
The Seven. The greatest Superhero
Team on the planet.
(then)
And now you can bring them home.
Collect all Seven commemorative
glasses from McDonal--
SNAP! It’s a Christian Channel. CAPTAIN FANTASTIC, on-stage
in a MEGACHURCH. A big BANNER behind: “CAPES FOR CHRIST.”
Adoring CONGREGANTS clasp their hands in prayer.
CAPTAIN FANTASTIC
And it’s just a few short weeks to
our incredible “Believe” festival,
where we give praise to the most
powerful hero of them all, Je--
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 2.
CONTINUED:
SNAP! INSTAGRAM. Video taken from the middle of a
rambunctious crowd that’s WAY LARGER than the others we’ve
seen. POLICE barely hold them back. SHRIEKING FOR --
HOMELANDER! Head of the Seven and the world’s biggest
Superhero. If Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise and John Wayne all gang-
banged. He waves from the red carpet of a UNICEF benefit.
People go FUCKING BANANAS, SHOVE against the cops. It’s like
Beatlemania.
‘Likes’ for this Instagram Post shoot into the stratosphere.
Finally -- a LOCAL NEWS INTERVIEW with a GIRL, 20. She’s
bawling her eyes out.
GIRL
...he just... Homelander does so
much to protect us... and to be this
close to him, it’s... overwhelming.
Homelander, if you see this, Adrian
from Brooklyn loves you, loves you
with all her heart...
We PULL BACK. Revealing we’re watching a FLAT SCREEN --
TA
INT. UPPER WEST SIDE APARTMENT - NIGHT
In an upscale living room. As we meet HUGHIE (20’s, slight,
kind). In a “BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL” shirt. Installing
someone’s new TV. As well as their Blu-Ray. Sonos.
Programming their Universal Remote. Hughie does it all. We
see his FINGERS, dexterous and deft. He’s quite the tech
virtuoso.
MOMENTS LATER. He presents the BILL on a clipboard -- to a
U
WEST SIDE MOM in a New York Power Suit. She only half pays
attention, as she returns work emails on her phone.
HUGHIE
You sure? We’re running a special
on Vimtag Security Cameras. HD.
You can access ‘em from your phone.
WEST SIDE MOM
Thanks but no. I don’t think we
really need ‘em. My nanny’s here
all the time.
Hughie just has one of those sincere, earnest faces. He nods
to the woman’s 7-YEAR-OLD in a HOMELANDER COSTUME, playing
with his Dominican NANNY.
HUGHIE
Course. And you got the Homelander
watching over things.
(off the Mom’s smile)
But, you know, the Homelander can’t
be everywhere at once. Neither can
the cops.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 3.
CONTINUED:
HUGHIE (CONT'D)
Or the nanny, for that matter. No,
if we wanna keep an eye on our kids?
That’s up to us. Even if we’re
working long hours and late nights.
Know what I mean?
Mom looks up from her phone. Clearly a long hour worker.
HUGHIE
Maybe you don’t need the cameras,
but what about that one time you do?
Is there such a thing as too safe?
Off Hughie. Smiling warmly. Making the sale.
INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT
A Mom-and-Pop ELECTRONICS STORE. TV’s and STEREO EQUIPMENT
on the shelves. Hughie behind the counter. As --
The bell over the door RINGS. ROBIN (20’s, girl-next-door
cute) enters. She sidles up to Hughie, as if a customer --
TA ROBIN
Excuse me, sir? I want to schedule
an appointment. For you to come
over and --
(arches an eyebrow)
Lay some cable.
HUGHIE
(smiles)
Robin. That doesn’t mean what you
think it means.
U
ROBIN
‘Laying cable’ means sex.
HUGHIE
‘Laying pipe’ means sex. ‘Laying
cable’ means you want me to come to
your house and take a shit.
ROBIN
(laughing)
That’s disgusting.
HUGHIE
Hey, you said it.
ROBIN
You ready yet? Despite your best
efforts, I’m still hungry.
PolishOrientation
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
5/10expected
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Ask the AI
Development
not owed here
4/10light
It restates its note rather than deepening it
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Movement
not owed here
3/10light
It ends about where it started
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Consequence
not owed here
4/10light
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10core
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10core
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
5/10expected
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
4/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
6/10expected
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Superhero, Comedy, Drama Tone:
Satirical, Witty, Sarcastic
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 4.5/10
The scene ends on a light, domestic note with no cliffhanger or open question, so it does not strongly compel the reader to continue, though the world's intrigue offers some pull.
Script Continuation Score: 5/10
Given the whole script so far, the montage has established a rich satirical world, but the lack of an inciting incident or hook means the story has not yet gained momentum; the reader may be curious but not urgently driven.
Expert Critiques
Expert Suggestions
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2 · Tragic Accident
EXT. NEW YORK SIDE STREET - NIGHT
OPEN ON A BUS-STOP POSTER. A completely BLACK SUITED HERO in
a cologne ad. “BLACK NOIR for DRAKKAR NOIR.”
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 4.
CONTINUED:
As Hughie and Robin, holding hands, walk down an empty SIDE-
STREET. She CHUCKLES at a story he just told --
ROBIN
...so you got her from ‘no thanks,’
to four cameras?
HUGHIE
What can I say? I’m a good fucking
salesman.
(off Robin’s eye-roll)
Hey, I got you, didn’t I?
ROBIN
Barely!
(beat)
Speaking of, Mr. Salesman. Did you
ask for the raise?
Hughie takes a half-beat. He knows Robin isn’t going to like
this, but plays it off, casually.
HUGHIE
Gary was totally supportive -- he
TA
just says things are slow. Next
year, though, for sure.
ROBIN
Okay.
Hughie looks at her. Feels guilty.
HUGHIE
What do you want me to do? Go in
there and kick his ass?
U
ROBIN
I said ‘okay.’
HUGHIE
But you didn’t mean it. I see that
look. C’mon, let’s hear it.
ROBIN
(sighs, alright)
You’re the best guy there, by a long
shot -- and Gary’s taking advantage
of you -- and yeah, you should get
in there and fight for it.
This is banter, not bickering. A sign of how much they love,
and are comfortable with, each other.
HUGHIE
Jesus. I didn’t realize you needed
a sugar daddy.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 5.
CONTINUED: (2)
ROBIN
Blow me. This is about you getting
what you deserve. Hell, I’m killing
myself at school cause it’s gonna
pay off -- for both of us. I mean,
if we’re moving in together --
Robin takes one step off the curb into the street, about to
cross. But Hughie stops on a dime.
HUGHIE
Wait. What’d you just say?
ROBIN
(breaks into a grin)
Well, we can’t keep -- laying pipe --
at your parent’s place. Trying to
keep quiet, staring up at that dumb
Zeppelin poster.
HUGHIE
(also grins)
Hey. Don’t ever besmirch the
Zeppelin poster.
TA
He’s still on the curb, she’s still one step in the street.
As he leans forward and kisses her. Like none he’s ever had
before -- or ever will again.
Hughie steps back, holding both of Robin’s hands. They’re so
in love, then --
SMASH! Robin is suddenly, shockingly ATOMIZED before
Hughie’s eyes. Blood and gummy bits of viscera spatter
against Hughie’s face. Hughie still holds Robin’s hands.
U
But that’s all he’s holding. They’re gory, detached.
It happens so fast, Hughie doesn’t have time to react.
As fast-running hero A-TRAIN skids to a stop. Robin’s
insides all over his costumed outsides. He clutches a
distinctive BLUE DUFFEL BAG tight to his chest. The
motherfucker just ran right through Hughie’s girlfriend.
A-Train is straight-up frightened. Jittery as hell. But not
because of what he just did. Then why?
A-TRAIN
(sputtering)
Oh God, I’m -- I’m sorry. But I
can’t stop. I can’t stop.
And with that, A-Train RACES away at supersonic speeds,
leaving a blurred trail of motion in his wake.
And leaving Hughie. Alone. Holding two bloody hands. In
shock, he can’t let them go. Until some emotion -- some
abject horror -- begins to seep in...
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 6.
CONTINUED: (3)
HUGHIE
(a whisper)
... R... Rob...
WIDE SHOT. Down the street. Hughie is small in the frame.
His voice distant, ragged, wrenching, as finally:
HUGHIE
ROBIN! ROBIN!!
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DES MOINES, IOWA - DAY
A generic Nissan Altima pulls up before a generic office
park. STARLIGHT (20’s, blonde, sweet, in a reasonably modest
superhero outfit) climbs out of the passenger seat. She
clutches a HEADSHOT, looks nervous.
But not as nervous as her MOTHER. Who licks her finger,
smooths out Starlight’s eyebrow.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
Whatever you do, don’t chew your
thumbnail. And remember to smile.
TA
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - WAITING ROOM - DAY
All beige, all the time. Water cooler burps. A table with a
sad, out of date PEOPLE magazine. Metal folding chairs
occupied by a few exotically-garbed SUPERHEROINES. (Let’s
play the clash between the mundane and the superheroic).
Starlight enters, signs in. Nods at one of the other
Superheroines, apparently no love lost.
STARLIGHT
U
Hey Countess.
COUNTESS
Starlight. Omigod. So good to see
you. Is that a new headshot?
STARLIGHT
No. Same one.
COUNTESS
It’s so nice.
Countess gives a “I’m pretending to like you but I fucking
hate your guts” grin. Starlight smiles back, self-conscious.
From there, we enter a MONTAGE of Starlight’s bizarre
AUDITION. INTERCUTTING:
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - AUDITION ROOM - DAY
VIDEO CAMERA POV. It SNAPS to life. Focusing in on
Starlight. Anxious.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 7.
CONTINUED:
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Please slate for the camera.
STARLIGHT
Yeah, I’m, um, Starlight. 5 foot 8,
127 pounds.
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Turn around please.
She rotates, an awkward 360 degree turn. Then --
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Okay, let’s see it, dear.
STARLIGHT
You should look away --
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Sorry?
STARLIGHT
Turn away from camera and shut your
TA
eyes. Or else I’ll blind you.
Alright.
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Go ahead.
Starlight concentrates -- it starts with her eyes, which glow
white hot -- then the OVERHEAD FLUORESCENTS FLICKER and FADE,
as she draws energy from her nearby surroundings --
Until her EYES emit a J.J. Abrams-style, blazing LIGHT BURST
that explodes into the room --
U
The camera FREEZES and FRITZES and RATTLES at the concussive
blast. When it resumes, it’s on its side, Starlight is
crouching over someone just off camera, upset --
STARLIGHT
I’m so sorry, are you alright?
CASTING DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Just fine, dear. Very impressive.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - BATHROOM - DAY
Starlight on the toilet. Clearly peeing. (You never see
superheroes peeing!) Then she reaches beneath her, pulls out
the plastic urine test cup. Begins to label it...
PolishDelivery
No lens is broken, but Execution is soft — this reads as a polish pass.
HoldingThe exit pulls you into the next one.
Contract
Broken
4/10core
Too many threads, none leads
Several candidate threads compete and none governs — the scene splits its focus rather than committing to one determinate spine.
It isn’t clearly about one thing yet
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Broken
4/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
8/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
8/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
5/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
There’s avoidable waste on the page
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
5/10expected
The emphasis is misplaced
Page space and pacing emphasize the wrong beats — the important turn is rushed/buried while minor business is lingered on.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
6/10expected
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Solid
8/10expected
It defeats anticipation fairly
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
8/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
9/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8.5/10
The scene ends with Hughie in shock and Starlight beginning her audition, creating a strong desire to see what happens next to both characters. The open questions (Will Hughie recover? Will Starlight get the job? What will happen to A-Train?) compel the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
Given the whole script so far, the shocking inciting incident and the introduction of a parallel plotline create strong momentum. The reader is pulled to see how Hughie's trauma will drive the story and how Starlight's journey will intersect with his.
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3 · Grief and Determination
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Starlight sits at a POLYGRAPH. Wears sensors. A bland
technician across from her, taking notes. (Fun fact: these
are real questions from CIA employee interviews.)
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 8.
CONTINUED:
TECHNICIAN
Have you ever plotted to overthrow
the United States of America?
STARLIGHT
No.
The Technician inspects the answer. Mutters to himself.
Betrays nothing. Starlight starts chewing her thumbnail.
TECHNICIAN
How do you feel when you see a small
animal in distress?
STARLIGHT
Um. Bad.
TECHNICIAN
Did you ever feel sexual urges when
sitting in your parents’ lap?
STARLIGHT
What? No. God. No.
TA
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - AUDITION ROOM - DAY
VIDEO CAMERA POV. Starlight in the midst of an interview.
She speaks with genuine heart.
STARLIGHT
...I was just... like most Super-
Abled, I was born like this. My Mom
was thrilled. She made me go to all
those little miss hero pageants. I
hated it, I can still smell the
U
hairspray. And at the Q and A, they
always asked me my wish. And I
always said, “to save the world.”
The judges chuckled, like it was
cute. But it’s not a joke to me.
Since when did ‘hopeful’ and ‘naive’
become the same thing? Why get into
this business, if not to save the
world? It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
And it’s why all I’ve ever wanted
was to be in the Seven...
Off her pixelated video image...
INT. ROBIN’S PARENTS’ APARTMENT - FEW DAYS LATER
PHOTOS of ROBIN. Surrounded by thick FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS.
A ROOMFUL of somber people in DARK SUITS, eating from small
plates. We notice a WOMAN crying into a MAN’s shoulder.
Robin’s PARENTS. This is the post-funeral reception.
Everyone stands close, united in grief. Except for --
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 9.
CONTINUED:
Hughie. Sits in the corner. Alone. In a suit and tie. He
holds a plate with a square of ambrosia Jell-O salad on it.
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. A maelstrom of heartbreak, pain and
emotion, beneath a numb shell. He looks up, sees --
POV. Two CHILDREN in nice clothes, sprawled before the TV.
Watching a “SEVEN” CARTOON. Even here, even now... most
people are FANS...
INT. HUGHIE’S FAMILY APARTMENT - QUEENS - DAY
Hughie returns back to his FAMILY APARTMENT. Tie loosened.
His zaftig MOM follows, along with his wheezing FATHER
(sallow, skinny, rolling an oxygen tank beside him).
Dad thumps on the couch, flips on the TV.
HUGHIE’S MOM
Well, I thought it was a lovely
service. Just lovely.
Hughie. What’s he supposed to say? It was awesome?
TA HUGHIE’S MOM
Did you eat? Can I -- fix you some
pizza rolls?
HUGHIE
...I’m not hungry.
HUGHIE’S MOM
(noticing the TV)
Oh, honey. Look.
U
ON THE SCREEN. Six o’clock news. A PRESS CONFERENCE. A-
TRAIN. Beside VOUGHT VICE-PRESIDENT of HERO MANAGEMENT JULIA
STILLWELL (40’s).
Hughie noticeably flinches at this.
JULIA STILLWELL (ON TV)
...and as you know, A-Train was
placed on standard administrative
leave until the NYPD could conduct
their investigation. Which they’ve
now concluded -- and have ruled no
wrong-doing. But that doesn’t begin
to convey the terrible regret we all
feel at this awful, tragic loss...
A-TRAIN (ON TV)
My deepest condolences to Robin
Ward’s family. I was chasing those
bank robbers... and she just...
stepped into the middle of the
street... and I couldn’t...
A-Train trails off, choked up. Golden Globe-worthy.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 10.
CONTINUED:
Hughie mutters to himself. Devastated.
HUGHIE
Middle of the --? She was a half-
step off the fucking curb.
DING DONG! The door.
Mom swings open the door, revealing a VOUGHT LAWYER -- DOUG
FRIEDMAN. All Clinton-esque, lip-biting sympathy.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
Does a Hugh Campbell live here?
INT. HUGHIE’S FAMILY APARTMENT - MINUTES LATER - NIGHT
A small stack of LEGAL DOCUMENTS on a TABLE. Hughie sits in
front of the lawyer. Scans the papers.
Hughie’s Mom observes. Dad still watches TV in the back,
seemingly catatonic, wheezing through his nose tube.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
TA ...really, everyone at Vought is
just... wrecked about Robin...
(then, as a ‘friend’)
Now. You two weren’t married and --
look, technically there’s no legal
claim. But still, Vought wants to
do the right thing -- offer you 25
thousand in restitution.
HUGHIE’S MOM
(that’s life-changing)
25 thousand!
U
DOUG FRIEDMAN
It’s the least we could do, ma’am.
You just need to sign -- here -- and
I’ll hand over the check --
HUGHIE
(reading, realizing)
But this -- is a confidentiality
agreement.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
It’s a boiler plate NDA --
HUGHIE
I sign this, I can’t talk about it?
Have to pretend it didn’t happen?
That I wasn’t holding Robin’s arms
in my hands?
DOUG FRIEDMAN
I know you’re upset, but we’re just
trying to help --
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 11.
CONTINUED:
HUGHIE
Then say you’re sorry --
DOUG FRIEDMAN
Excuse me?
Hughie builds a head of steam --
HUGHIE
You people say ‘condolences’ and ‘my
regrets’ and ‘our sympathies,’ but
no one can look me in the fucking
eye and say “I’m sorry!” I’m not
signing anything! Now get out!
Doug Friedman pauses a beat, unsure. Hughie charges over to
him, ROUGHLY HAULS HIM OUT OF HIS SEAT!
HUGHIE
I said GET THE HELL OUT!
TA SMASH CUT TO:
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Sitting quietly in his seat. That outburst
was just in his imagination. There’s churning lava deep down
inside him. But he’s not a fighter. Not yet.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
You okay? As I said, a boiler plate
NDA, really pretty standard.
HUGHIE
I’ll think about it.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
U
Hughie --
HUGHIE
Let me think about it.
Beat. Doug Friedman gives a smile. Reads the room.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
I get it. I’ll leave the document,
gimme a ring if you have questions.
(then)
You keep the pen, okay?
The LAWYER hands over a SILVER PEN labeled ‘VOUGHT.’
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - DES MOINES, IOWA - DAY
We soar over countless versions of the same middle class
house. Like some cloning experiment run horrifically amok.
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 12.
KeepAftermath
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
An aftermath beat lands the cost of what just happened rather than driving new action.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
5/10expected
The trope arrives unaltered
The scene's main situation/image/beat-pattern is recognizable genre convention and the script adds no specific inversion, collision, POV, cost, world-rule, or tonal twist that changes how it plays.
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Soft
5/10expected
You can see the beats coming
The scene sets up its conflict then plays the most likely version — no turn, reversal, complication, or reveal the reader couldn't call in advance.
The beats can be called before they land
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Hughie holding the NDA and the pen, creating a clear question: will he sign? This compels the reader to continue to see his decision.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has established Hughie's trauma and the systemic injustice, and the unresolved NDA and Starlight's parallel story create momentum. The reader wants to see how Hughie's passivity breaks and how Starlight's idealism clashes with reality.
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4 · Conflicting Paths and Broken Dreams
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY
OPEN ON A BOOKCASE. Loaded with TROPHIES. RIBBONS. “LITTLE
MISS SUPERSTAR - 1st PLACE.” “SWEET CORN FESTIVAL & 5K RUN -
BEST OVERALL POWERS.” Etc. Along with a crowd of photos --
of a heavily made-up, Jon Benet-style Starlight, ages 4 thru
10, always jauntily posing, hands-on-hips, wearing a kid-
sized, homemade version of her outfit.
A shrine to a Mother’s pride in her daughter.
In the adjacent kitchen -- Starlight herself, in her grown-up
Superhero outfit, pours some Kraft Shells and Cheese into a
pot. Keeps one ear on a POLICE SCANNER, which babbles on
about some local loitering and a nasty rash of graffiti.
Her Mother enters -- listens briefly to the scanner --
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
Any maniacs out there?
STARLIGHT
Quiet night. Like every night.
TA STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
Too bad. We could use the press
right now.
(sees the pot, clucks)
Oh, Annie, could you pack any more
carbs into that?
Apparently, Annie is her ‘secret identity’ name.
STARLIGHT
I’m hungry, Mother. And would you
U
relax? I didn’t get the job.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
You don’t know that, you’re better
than all of them.
When -- RING. RING. The phone. Mom goes to answer.
STARLIGHT
They’re auditioning nation-wide.
Besides, Countess probably got it,
she’s really good in a room.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
If you’re negative, negative things
happen to you.
(picks up phone)
Hello? Um, I’m her Mother. Yes,
yes, one moment.
Mom holds out the phone, on pins and needles. Mouths “it’s
them!” Starlight can’t help but feel a stab of butterflies.
Moves for the phone.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 13.
CONTINUED:
STARLIGHT
Hello? Yes, this is she.
(then)
I -- got it? I GOT IT?!
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
YOU GOT IT!! YOU GOT IT!!
Off this rambunctious, unbridled maternal ECSTASY --
INT. ROBIN’S PARENTS’ APARTMENT - NIGHT
OPEN ON A FRAMED PHOTO in a much less happy home. ROBIN
beaming beside her loving PARENTS.
WIDER. Hughie sits at their kitchen table. Awkwardly
shuffles notes and papers.
In front of Robin’s Mom and Dad. Mom, red-rimmed eyes, only
stares down at her folded hands. Dad also averts eye
contact, impatiently taps his wedding ring onto his beer
bottle throughout. Clink. Clink.
TA HUGHIE
...so we can’t file criminal charges
against A-Train. Heroes are like
cops, they can’t be charged for
collateral damage while in pursuit.
Robin’s Mom wipes away a tear. This is all a painful
subject. Hughie continues --
HUGHIE
But -- but -- we can still file a
civil suit. I found a lawyer --
U
he’ll work on percentage, won’t even
charge us unless we win --
ROBIN’S DAD
Hughie --
HUGHIE
I just need you to jump in -- I’m
not family, I can’t really sue by
myself. But --
ROBIN’S DAD
Hughie. Stop. We’re not suing
anybody.
HUGHIE
What? Why not?
ROBIN’S DAD
There’s no case. She was in the
street. It’s the same as if she jay-
walked and a bus hit her.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 14.
CONTINUED:
HUGHIE
She was a half-step off the curb!
Then Hughie spots it. On the table, right in front of the
parents: another SILVER ‘VOUGHT’ PEN. The truth falls on
Hughie like a ton of bricks.
HUGHIE
Wait, were they -- did you sign?
(silence speaks volumes)
You took their money? Gene?
Dad stops clinking the beer bottle. Searches Hughie’s face.
ROBIN’S DAD
How long have I known you, Hughie?
HUGHIE
Since -- Robin and me were in high
school.
ROBIN’S DAD
Prom night, actually. We met you,
in that tux two sizes too big -- and
TA
there are some kids who just have
that go-getter spark in their eye.
(then)
You were not one of those kids.
(glancing at his wife)
I’d say to her all the time, didn’t
I? What’s Robin see in him? Got no
drive, no fire, no fight. Boy
doesn’t give a shit about anything.
HUGHIE
U
I cared about your daughter. I’m
trying to fight now.
ROBIN’S DAD
(raw)
Too late. She’s dead. And you
wanna drag out some court case? So
we can relive her death?
(hand on his wife)
Yeah, we took the fucking money.
And now we wanna -- try to -- put it
all behind us.
HUGHIE
So what? A-Train just gets away
with this?
ROBIN’S DAD
There’s no case, she was in the
street! You let her step into the
street. It’s not A-Train we blame.
Off Hughie, as if absorbing a palpable body blow...
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 15.
EXT. NEW YORK STREET - NIGHT
Hughie. Walking down the street. Despondent. Listening to
a MESSAGE on his CELL --
DOUG FRIEDMAN (ON PHONE)
Hugh, this is Doug Friedman from
Vought, just checking in. Look, I
know the money can never make up for
losing Robin. But we can make
things a little easier for your
family, if you’d --
Hughie CLICKS it off. Then strangely, we CUT TO --
A STILL CAMERA POV. From inside a car. SNAPPING PICS of
Hughie. Clickclickclickclick. As he enters a bodega.
Who’s taking pictures? Off this mystery --
INT. NEW YORK BODEGA - NIGHT
A SIXER of BUD LIGHT. Pulled from the fridge case by Hughie.
TA
He’s on edge.
An edge he goes plummeting right over when --
He pivots in the cramped aisle. Coming face to face with A-
Train! Even worse, a DOZEN A-TRAINS! Side by side!
It’s a magazine rack. A-Train on the cover of US WEEKLY. He
smiles, hugging a chirpy BALD CANCER KID beneath the headline
“MAKING WISHES COME TRUE.”
Hughie, breathing shallow, backs away. Bumping against an
U
entire row of CEREAL. Box drops, Hughie looks.
Delicious FROSTED A-TRAINS. A whole fucking ROW of them.
WIDE ANGLE. Hughie. Spinning. Drowning. Now sees -- A-
Train on CANS of MONSTER ENERGY DRINK.
On a CARDBOARD CUT-OUT at the aisle’s end, cerveza in hand --
‘A-TRAIN CELEBRA CINCO DE MAYO.’
A-Train, A-Train, A-Train, A-Train.
The guy murdered the love of Hughie’s life. And everyone
idolizes the asshole.
Hughie’s chest is heaving now. He slides to the floor, back
against the wall. We leave him there -- in the throes of a
full blown PTSD PANIC ATTACK.
KeepAftermath
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
An aftermath beat lands the cost of what just happened rather than driving new action.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8.5/10
The scene ends with Hughie in a panic attack, a powerful cliffhanger that makes the reader want to see how he recovers or what he does next. Starlight's success also creates anticipation for her first day.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built strong momentum: Hughie's trauma is escalating, Starlight is entering the lion's den, and the thematic critique is deepening. The reader is compelled to see how these threads collide.
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5 · Starlight's Arrival and Presentation
EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER - NEW YORK CITY - MORNING
PAN DOWN off the gleaming, sky-scraping, futuristic SEVEN
TOWER. To find --
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 16.
CONTINUED:
A LIMO PULLS UP. A ‘Vought’ PAGE opens the door for --
Starlight. Followed by her Mother. They gape up at the
Tower. At the CROWD of SCREAMING FANS behind the ropes. A
GROUP OF MEN and WOMEN APPROACH -- Starlight’s ENTOURAGE --
ASHLEY
Hi. I’m Ashley, I’m your publicist.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
(holy shit!)
A publicist.
STARLIGHT
Hi. Hello.
ASHLEY
This is Rachel, hair and make-up.
Luis is your stylist. Dan and Rich,
they’re from your marketing and
social media teams. Amy’s your PA,
you need anything, you ask her. You
two thirsty? Amy!
TA STARLIGHT
(to the group)
I’m -- hi. No, we’re good.
ASHLEY
Well, Amy’s gonna get your Mom to
her seat, but you, you’re with me,
we’re gonna be late!
Starlight is dizzy already. A heady whirlwind of glamor.
Waves happily at her Mother as she’s whisked away.
U
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - AUDITORIUM - DAY
Starlight’s Mother, awed, takes her VIP front row seat among
a packed HOUSE of INVESTORS.
A SPOTLIGHT illuminates Vice-President of Hero Management
Julia Stillwell. Confident. Gregarious.
She pitches the crowd before a stage-wide video screen --
‘VOUGHT INTERNATIONAL: 2017 ANNUAL MEETING OF SHAREHOLDERS.’
Along with alternating images of their various projects.
Movie Posters. Theme Parks. Toys. Cartoons. Vought makes
Marvel look like a corn-studded piece of shit.
JULIA STILLWELL
...net income is up 14 percent,
our latest film “G-Men: World War”
grossed just shy of 1.7 billion
world-wide. This fall we break
ground on our newest theme park
outside of Paris. Our branding
opportunities are limitless.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 17.
CONTINUED:
JULIA STILLWELL (CONT'D)
It’s a good time to be in the
Superhero Business.
The crowd applauds -- Julia holds up her hand, goes sincere --
JULIA STILLWELL
But as we all know, none of that
matters. Because job one? Is
managing, supporting, and advising
the brave heroes who put themselves
in harm’s way each and every day.
For us. Take a look.
The spotlight snuffs out. Inspirational music swells, as a
slickly packaged P.R. video begins on the huge screen. TOMMY
LEE JONES got paid a shit-ton to narrate.
TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
Vought International. Handling the
Business of Superheroes, so
Superheroes can handle their
Business...
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - ELEVATOR - DAY
TA
Starlight. Flanked by her team. Crowded elevator going up,
up and away. Make-up artist primps Starlight on the fly.
ASHLEY
You know, you’re doing really great
so far...
STARLIGHT
I haven’t done anything yet.
U
ASHLEY
Exactly. And you’re already up 2
and a half points with Midwesterners
and Conservative Christians in 18 to
49. I saw your audition, by the
way. The ‘saving the world’ thing.
Really brilliant.
STARLIGHT
I meant it.
ASHLEY
That’s why we love you. So. You
ready for your life to change?
Starlight’s overwhelmed but elated. Yeah. She thinks so.
PolishOrientation
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Broken
4/10expected
Tension with no source
The scene asserts tension/stakes/unease but no locatable page-visible force produces it — mood is mistaken for pressure (the pressure firewall).
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Ask the AI
Development
not owed here
4/10light
It restates its note rather than deepening it
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Movement
not owed here
3/10light
It ends about where it started
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
5/10expected
Information arrives but forces no choice
The scene delivers information or understanding but no one is forced to decide or act on it.
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10core
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10core
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Broken
4/10expected
The trope arrives unaltered
The scene's main situation/image/beat-pattern is recognizable genre convention and the script adds no specific inversion, collision, POV, cost, world-rule, or tonal twist that changes how it plays.
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Broken
3/10expected
You can see the beats coming
The scene sets up its conflict then plays the most likely version — no turn, reversal, complication, or reveal the reader couldn't call in advance.
The beats can be called before they land
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
5/10expected
The exit settles instead of opening
The unit completes its business and ends on a settled beat — no new live question, demand, or expectation is created for the next unit to inherit.
It settles at the exit rather than pulling on
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 5/10
The scene ends with Starlight in the elevator, ready for her life to change, which creates mild curiosity but no cliffhanger or urgent question.
Script Continuation Score: 6.5/10
Given the whole script so far, the unresolved arcs of Hughie's grief and Starlight's integration into the Seven create momentum, but this scene is a lull that doesn't add new hooks.
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6 · Starlight's Debut and Butcher's Revelation
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - AUDITORIUM - DAY
The video continues. Classy Ken Burns style visuals. First,
we see black and white photos of a Captain America-like hero
named SOLDIER BOY.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 18.
CONTINUED:
TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
...1944. Soldier Boy. The first
Superpowered human. To be followed
by more. Dozens more. Men and
women born -- blessed -- with
extraordinary genetic abilities.
Jonas Salk famously called them ‘a
leap forward in evolution.’ No
one’s quite sure why it happened,
but thank God it did.
Multiple IMAGES of HEROES flit past.
TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
Until, of course, the apex. The
pinnacle. The formation of the most
popular Superhero Team the world’s
ever seen. THE SEVEN.
(crowd goes wild)
Led by -- not just a hero -- but an
American institution. As powerful
as he is humble. Ladies and
gentlemen -- the HOMELANDER.
TA
Now the crowd goes WILD. As a SPOTLIGHT appears in the
center of stage -- revealing the HOMELANDER. Live and in the
flesh! Giving an aw-shucks wave.
TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
And please welcome the rest of the
Seven! QUEEN MAEVE. BLACK NOIR.
THE DEEP. A-TRAIN. TRANSLUCENT.
Spotlights BLAZE ON beside the Homelander. Introducing each
hero, in person. (Translucent is negative space in a suit --
U
an invisible man).
CLOSE ON STARLIGHT. Being shuffled out onto the stage by a
STAGE MANAGER. In shadow. Her moment’s about to come...
IN THE CROWD. Her Mother’s as nervous as she is.
TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
And finally -- unless you live under
a rock, you’ve heard that after a
long, distinguished career with the
Seven, the Lamplighter has retired.
A grateful nation bids him a fond
farewell.
Adoring images of THE LAMPLIGHTER, along with Marines
saluting and children beaming their ‘thank you’s.’
TOMMY LEE JONES (V.O.)
But now -- as we turn towards the
future -- we introduce the newest
member of the Seven. Please welcome
-- STARLIGHT.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 19.
CONTINUED: (2)
The WHITE HOT SPOTLIGHT SNAPS onto Starlight. She smiles,
jittery, waves. Drinks in the crashing waves of applause.
Beside all of her idols. Locks eyes with --
IN THE CROWD. Her Mother. This is literally the single best
moment of Mom’s life.
JULIA STILLWELL
(stepping out)
The Seven, ladies and gentlemen!
How about ‘em!?
The thunderous clapping continues, as well as a universe of
iPhone flashbulbs. Starlight can’t help but steal glances at
the Homelander. The Deep leans over, whispers to her,
charming, disarming.
DEEP
(re: Homelander)
I know. It’s kinda like sharing a
stage with God, right? But you
wanna know something? He chews with
his mouth open. Spits little bits
of salad right at you.
TA
Starlight smiles at the Deep.
all this back down to earth.
Grateful to have someone bring
STARLIGHT
I just -- I mean -- I can’t believe
I’m really here.
DEEP
Hey. You’re here because you’re
meant to be here.
U
STARLIGHT
...thank you.
DEEP
(warm empathy)
Look, I remember my first day, it’s
a lot to take in. But we’ll show
you the ropes.
Starlight nods at him, grateful. Turns back to twinkling
flashbulbs and raw, uncut adoration. This is all of her
wildest, most secret dreams come true... off this...
EXT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT
POV. From across the street. We see Hughie, through the
window, downcast as he upsells some equipment.
REVEAL -- we’re in a boat of a Cadillac. Behind the wheel --
A black-trench-coated MAN. This is BILLY BUTCHER (40).
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 20.
CONTINUED:
Enigmatic, he reaches into his GLOVE COMPARTMENT. Tugs out a
CIGAR BOX. Opens it, revealing --
A PILE of FAKE IDENTIFICATION CARDS. All with his picture.
NYPD, FDNY, NSA, DEA, ATF, DHS, some foreign CARDS. He
shuffles through them, before choosing an FBI ID. Perfect.
Goes without saying -- who the HOLY FUCK is Butcher?
INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT
A TELEVISION SCREEN. ACCESS HOLLYWOOD. Some b-roll footage
of Starlight, waving shy to the crowd at the Vought
stockholder meeting.
NATALIE MORALES (V.O.)
...and how does newest Seven member
Starlight keep her beach-ready bod?
The answer might surprise you...
Hughie. Before a CUSTOMER. He doesn’t notice the TV --
HUGHIE
TA
...no, you want the carbon cables.
Cost more, but they conduct
electricity way better --
When the BELL over the door RINGS. Hughie jerks his head up,
illogically hoping against hope that Robin walks through the
door. Of course, she doesn’t. Instead, he spots --
Butcher. Strolling in. He inspects a section of NANNY-CAMS.
Hughie steps up --
HUGHIE
U
You interested in a nanny cam?
We’re running a special on Vimtag...
Butcher looks up. He’s got a blue collar BRITISH ACCENT. A
lot like Michael Caine.
BUTCHER
Tell me. How many nannies go around
shakin’ their babies, d’you reckon?
HUGHIE
Sorry?
BUTCHER
A good, hard shake. Like trynna get
ketchup out of a bottle. 1 percent?
Less?
HUGHIE
Uh, I -- I really don’t know.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 21.
CONTINUED:
BUTCHER
But they sell a coupla billion
dollars worth of this shit
worldwide.
(smirks at Hughie)
Goes to show. The bollocks you can
make people swallow, if you get ‘em
scared enough.
HUGHIE
(long beat)
Okay. Is there anything I can help
you with?
BUTCHER
I’m not gonna piss you about,
Hughie. I know what happened to
Robin. Fuckin’ diabolical.
HUGHIE
I’m sorry, who are you?
BUTCHER
She wasn’t in the street. She was
TA
one step off the fuckin’ curb. And
you didn’t take the pay-off.
Respect that.
HUGHIE
(upset now)
I said who the hell are you? How do
you know that?
BUTCHER
Butcher’s the name. People call me
U
Billy. I was thinkin’ we could have
a bit of a chat?
PolishOrientation
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Broken
4/10core
Tension with no source
The scene asserts tension/stakes/unease but no locatable page-visible force produces it — mood is mistaken for pressure (the pressure firewall).
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Ask the AI
Development
Broken
4/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Broken
3/10expected
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
6/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10core
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10core
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
3/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Butcher's cryptic invitation, creating a strong hook that makes the reader want to see what he offers Hughie, though the Starlight thread feels temporarily resolved.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has built momentum through Hughie's grief and Starlight's rise, and Butcher's introduction adds a new, intriguing thread that promises to connect the two storylines, keeping the reader invested.
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7 · The Recruitment
EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT
OPEN ON: the FBI CARD. Hughie inspects it --
Hughie. Butcher. Pass more and more pedestrians, as they
near the neon atomic blast of Times Square...
HUGHIE
You’re a Fed? You don’t sound like
a Fed.
BUTCHER
I can’t fuckin’ immigrate? There’s
a big green crumpet out in the
harbor that says different.
HUGHIE
You don’t look like one, either.
BUTCHER
Oh? What do I look like?
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 22.
CONTINUED:
HUGHIE
Like a Columbine shooter.
Butcher smirks. Hughie’s got spark. He nods at the ID,
which we know is fake --
BUTCHER
Well, it’s right there in black an’
white. But if you wanna give a
looksie up me bum to be sure, you go
right ahead.
HUGHIE
Um. So what, exactly, can I do for
you?
BUTCHER
It’s what I can do for you, my son.
Help you get payback for yer girl.
(off Hughie)
You ain’t alone, Hughie, happens a
lot more than you think. Supes lose
over a hundred people a year to
collateral damage --
TA HUGHIE
That can’t be true.
(off Butcher)
That’s true?
BUTCHER
It’s not that they ain’t strong,
it’s that they don’t care. We’re
just ants to them.
U
HUGHIE
C’mon. It’d be all over the news,
people’d be screaming bloody murder.
BUTCHER
Might be the odd mention now an’
again, like with Robin. But there’s
a lot more they don’t tell you --
that gets swept under the rug --
HUGHIE
Why?
BUTCHER
It ain’t obvious?
He holds his hand out.
WIDE SHOT. TIMES SQUARE. 50 foot high SCREENS: a shirtless,
Wahlberg-esque HERO reclines in his Calvin Klein tighty-
whiteys. A-Train in a NIKE SHOE spot. A MOVIE: “Tek-Knight
Begins.” The VOUGHT STORE. Tourists take their photos with
cardboard hero cut-outs. Superheroes are inescapable --
pretty much like the actual Times Square.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 23.
CONTINUED: (2)
BUTCHER
The movie tickets, an’ the
lobbyists, an’ the fuckin’ shoes.
But mostly, people like that cozy
feeling Supes give ‘em. You got
someone to swoop in and save the day
for you, then you don’t gotta do it
yourself.
(then)
But you don’t know half the shit
they’re up to. It’d curl your hair
and straighten your curlies. But
that’s where I come in.
HUGHIE
Come in... to do what?
BUTCHER
Spank the bastards, they ever step
too far outta line.
HUGHIE
How do you spank a Supe?
TA BUTCHER
Ways an’ means. You don’t need a
fuckin’ glowy green rock to find
someone’s weakness. C’mon.
HUGHIE
Where?
BUTCHER
You’ll love it.
U
HUGHIE
Hold on.
(Butcher stops)
Thank you for an extremely... weird
conversation. But I’m not sure what
this is... and I think I should
probably get back.
BUTCHER
Mate. Once I go, I’m gone. This is
your one an’ only. Besides, what’ve
you got to lose, you ain’t already
lost?
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Thinking. Off this --
We PAN OFF Hughie and Butcher, to the GLEAMING SEVEN TOWER --
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - NIGHT
Starlight. Taking in the PANORAMIC VIEW from the SEVEN
BOARDROOM. 99th floor. Floor to ceiling windows. City
lights before her -- like her own private galaxy.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 24.
CONTINUED:
She pivots to the SEVEN’S FAMOUS CONFERENCE TABLE. Runs her
hand over HOMELANDER’S CHAIR. Tastefully embossed with his
name. Like touching the President’s chair.
Then... she sees... a CHAIR WITH HER NAME ON IT. Her eyes
glisten with emotion.
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - HALLWAY - NIGHT - LATER
CLOSE ON A SMALL FISHBOWL. With an exotic fish inside -- an
electric blue ram cichlid, to be exact.
WIDER. Starlight carries the fishbowl down the sleek
hallway. Reaches a DOOR. RINGS the bell.
No answer. She KNOCKS. The door drifts open. Unlocked.
STARLIGHT
Hello? Deep?
KeepRecruitment
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
5/10expected
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Soft
5/10expected
The beats can be called before they land
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Action, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Dark, Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a cut to Starlight's hopeful moment, which creates a contrast but no direct cliffhanger; the open question is whether Hughie will join Butcher, which compels continuation.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script so far has built momentum through Hughie's grief and Butcher's conspiracy, and this scene deepens the hook; the parallel Starlight thread adds intrigue, keeping the reader invested.
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8 · Deep's Secret
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - DEEP’S ROOM - NIGHT
Starlight steps in, tentative. Deep’s apartment is MASSIVE.
TA
All blonde wood and trickling waterfalls and koi ponds and
Chinese writing. Not just aquatic -- Zen aquatic.
STARLIGHT
Just wanted to thank you for being
so ki...
She feels awkward. Certainly doesn’t want to trespass.
She’s about to turn and leave when...
She hears an unmistakable GROANING. Sickly. Sounds like
someone might be ill? Or in trouble?
U
STARLIGHT
Hello?
She cautiously moves to the sound source. Then steps around
a thick tangle of bamboo trees to see --
THE DEEP. Bites a RUBBER TUBE wrapped tight around his arm.
As he SHOOTS a syringe of BRIGHT BLUE LIQUID into his vein.
What the hell is that stuff?
A PRETTY GIRL in a PARTY DRESS sprawls next to him. Her eyes
flutter, nearly unconscious. A SYRINGE JUTS from her arm.
Deep makes eye contact with Starlight. Who’s horrified --
DEEP
What the FUCK?
STARLIGHT
Oh my God, sorry, I’m sorry --
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 25.
CONTINUED:
Deep stands. He’s furious. Aggressive. And completely
different than the charming hero Starlight met.
DEEP
You just walk in??
STARLIGHT
(sputtering)
I knocked... your door was... I was
just bringing you...
She lamely holds out the fishbowl.
DEEP
Turn around. Forget this ever
happened.
But Starlight notices the girl. A thick gob of spittle at
the side of her mouth.
STARLIGHT
Is she... okay?
TA
That sends Deep over the edge. SUDDENLY, with SUPER
STRENGTH, he SHOVES Starlight against the wall!
She drops the FISHBOWL. CRASH!
Scary, Deep clamps his hand around Starlight’s neck. His
forehead veins are popping, he’s so pissed. (It’s a roid-
like reaction to the mysterious blue drug).
DEEP
Who the HELL asked you??!!
U
STARLIGHT
(small, scared)
...I think she needs help...
DEEP
Oh, you’re the fucking hero?
Please. You’re here cause we needed
a few more points with Evangelicals.
There’s a dozen blonde cunts that
fit the bill. You’re nobody.
(then)
You breathe a word of this to
anyone? You’re out. For good. The
fuck back to Iowa. We clear?
CLOSE ON STARLIGHT. Just staring at the dying exotic fish,
FLOPPING ABOUT on the floor. Does she fight back? Make a
stand? A long beat...
No. She doesn’t. She does what she needs to do.
STARLIGHT
Of course. I won’t tell anybody.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 26.
CONTINUED: (2)
A long beat. Frenzied face to frightened face. Until --
He lets her go. She beats a HASTY RETREAT --
EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER - HALLWAY
She scrambles out the door. Then stops. Presses her back
against the wall, out of breath.
It takes every fiber of her being not to cry...
EXT. ALLEY - OLD MONEY BUILDING - NIGHT
Back alley. A SERVICE ENTRANCE behind a tall, ornate, old-
money downtown building.
Butcher strides to the door, Hughie in tow. KNOCKS on it.
Beat. A NERVOUS SECURITY GUARD answers (dark coat, tie,
BADGE). Hughie watches this exchange, curious.
SECURITY GUARD
Fuck, man.
TA BUTCHER
This is the last time, Harry.
SECURITY GUARD
It’s always the last time. This is
fucking police brutality.
(nods inside)
You know what these people’ll do to
me, they catch me letting you in?
BUTCHER
(cool, even)
U
Not even half of what I’ll do, if
you don’t.
Butcher smiles but never breaks eye contact. It’s
unsettling. Message received.
The Security Guard hands over two SECURITY BADGES. Butcher
gives one to Hughie.
HUGHIE
Did he just say you’re a cop?
BUTCHER
Cop, Fed, it’s all the same to that
cunt. Here, put this on.
HUGHIE
What the hell is this?
But Butcher just strides inside. Uneasy, and now a bit
suspicious, Hughie follows --
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 27.
INT. OLD MONEY BUILDING - PRIVATE CLUB - NIGHT
DING! CLOSE ON HUGHIE as the ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS. His jaw
hits the floor. As he takes in --
A PRIVATE CLUB. Dark. Thumping music. Lots of SIDE ROOMS
and various nooks and crannies.
AND SUPERHEROES. Male and female. All shapes and sizes and
colors. PARTYING THEIR COSTUMED ASSES OFF. The female
heroes are having as much rambunctious fun as the men. It’s
like Studio 54 -- multiplied by 54.
One FEMALE HERO with a tiara tightens her FLUORESCENT ROPE,
S&M style, around a HOG-TIED NAKED MAN. He happily begs to
be spanked, she happily obliges.
Two HEROES TELEKINETICALLY HURL a CHAIR over a ducking
WAITER, SMASHING it through the window, as if they were
Whitesnake on the Sunset Strip.
Hughie and Butcher step over a burly STEEL-SKINNED SUPERHERO,
passed out on the floor in a pool of his own sick. WAITERS
try to drag him away, but he’s far too heavy.
TA
Hughie is absolutely gobsmacked. Then spots --
HUGHIE
Hey, that’s Captain Fantastic. The
‘Capes for Christ’ guy. Holds those
anti-gay rallies.
POV. The stretchy Superhero we saw on TV in the opener is in
ecstasy, wrapped around THREE MEN in G-STRINGS.
U
BUTCHER
And now he’s the meat in the
Manwich. Fuckin’ hypocrite. Like
Bill Cosby in spandex.
They pass a HERO, his hair a SHIMMERING WAVE of FIRE, quietly
and desperately crying to himself. Who knows why.
HUGHIE
Okay. So this is more than I ever,
ever wanted to see. I’m leaving now
before one of them tries to have sex
with me. Or kill me. Or both.
BUTCHER
Not yet.
Off Hughie -- he follows Butcher into a back room --
KeepDelivery
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
8/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
8/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The emphasis is misplaced
Page space and pacing emphasize the wrong beats — the important turn is rushed/buried while minor business is lingered on.
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
5/10expected
The trope arrives unaltered
The scene's main situation/image/beat-pattern is recognizable genre convention and the script adds no specific inversion, collision, POV, cost, world-rule, or tonal twist that changes how it plays.
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Soft
5/10expected
You can see the beats coming
The scene sets up its conflict then plays the most likely version — no turn, reversal, complication, or reveal the reader couldn't call in advance.
The beats can be called before they land
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene compels continuation through Starlight's unresolved trauma and Hughie's unanswered questions about Butcher's mission, though the club scene's self-contained spectacle slightly reduces urgency.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script maintains strong momentum from earlier scenes, with Starlight's complicity and Hughie's recruitment creating compelling threads, but the club scene's tonal shift risks losing some emotional investment.
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9 · Unveiling the Truth
INT. SECURITY ROOM - NIGHT
The anxious Security Guard checks the coast is clear. Then
lets Butcher and Hughie into the SECURITY ROOM. A wall full
of monitors recording every room.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 28.
CONTINUED:
SECURITY GUARD
Hurry up.
BUTCHER
Where’s the vid you rang me about?
The Security Guard reluctantly hands Butcher a MEMORY STICK.
Butcher plugs it into a COMPUTER.
BUTCHER
Oi. Hughie. Monitor 2.
Butcher fiddles a knob. Turning up the AUDIO.
THE MONITOR. Time-stamped security cam footage of a BACK
ROOM. A-TRAIN. Throws back shots like it’s his job.
HUGHIE
A-Train’s -- here?
BUTCHER
Was. This is from last night.
TA
THE MONITOR. Suddenly, A-Train looks O.S., as --
BIG GAME (O.S.)
A-Train. Your girlfriend’s here.
She’s pissed.
A HERO -- BIG GAME -- enters. He carries two MANNEQUIN ARMS.
BIG GAME
She wants to know why you ran
through her the other night. I
mean, she just went to pieces.
U
HUGHIE. His jaw clenches. Butcher looks at him,
sympathetic. Knows how hard this is for him.
A-TRAIN
Hey, I’m not the one that threw a
Volvo at that carjacker, without
realizing there was a fucking kid
strapped inside.
BIG GAME
Screw you, man, that sucked.
(sucks back a shot)
I had to go fucking cry on Diane
Sawyer.
Pointed, because A-Train just did the same --
A-TRAIN
Boy, can’t imagine what that’s like,
asshole.
Big Game sticks the mannequin arms into A-Train’s crotch.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 29.
CONTINUED: (2)
BIG GAME
Aw, look, she wants to make up.
A-TRAIN
Sorry, baby, but when I get inside a
girl, I get inside a girl.
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Quietly enraged --
HUGHIE
...they’re laughing. Like she’s a
joke. They’re fucking laughing.
BUTCHER
Question is, what are you gonna do
about it?
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - OUTSIDE BOARDROOM - NIGHT
Vought Vice-President Julia Stillwell skims down the Tower’s
hallway with the Vought Lawyer -- same guy from before -- he
hurries to keep up. He’s nervous -- she is miles above his
paygrade. But she never loses her corporate geniality.
TA
I’m sorry.
JULIA STILLWELL
It’s Doug?
DOUG FRIEDMAN
Yes. Doug. Friedman. Ma’am.
JULIA STILLWELL
Doug, I appreciate you trying to low-
ball this Hugh Campbell, but can we
settle out the A-Train thing? I
mean, 25 thousand? I got a bigger
U
shoe budget.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
I’m not sure it’s about the money
with this guy.
JULIA STILLWELL
If you quit nickel and diming him?
It’ll be about the money. Just get
it off our plate, please.
Without breaking stride, Julia glides into the boardroom --
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - NIGHT
Where she grins at the MAYOR of BALTIMORE (50), sitting at
the table. He nods to a GLOSSY PIC of the HOMELANDER.
Autographed “To Mason: Reach for the Sky! Best, Homelander.”
MAYOR
Thanks for this. My kid’s gonna
lose his mind.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 30.
CONTINUED:
JULIA STILLWELL
Our pleasure, Mr. Mayor. Just don’t
sell it on-line.
MAYOR
Alright. Tell me what you’re
thinking.
JULIA STILLWELL
(into her presentation)
Steve, look. Baltimore’s a
beautiful town. Those crab cakes at
Faidley’s? Change your life. But
you’ve got a problem. Homicide
rates are up, what, 62%? Your
police aren’t closing cases, you’re
on the verge of needing a federal
life-line.
MAYOR
You don’t need to salt my wounds.
JULIA STILLWELL
No disrespect. But you know police
TA
tanks rolling down main street won’t
play on the 6 o’clock news. How’d
it work out for Ferguson? Or Baton
Rouge?
MAYOR
Cut to the chase, Julia. Who are
you proposing?
She clicks a remote. On the flat-screen, PHOTOS of a
handsome, Will Smith-like BLACK SUPERHERO appear.
U
JULIA STILLWELL
Nubian Prince. Fits your
population’s demo, but not too
militant -- Caucasians love him too,
approval’s around 68 percent. We’re
offering a 3 year exclusive
contract. Plus our full PR support.
And we’ll throw in 9 and a half
points of the merchandising.
MAYOR
I thought he was in Detroit.
JULIA STILLWELL
We’re thinking about making a move.
We’ve come to you first.
MAYOR
How much?
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 31.
CONTINUED: (2)
JULIA STILLWELL
300 million a year. I know it’s a
tough swallow, but we both know your
city needs a hero.
MAYOR
(beat, contemplates)
Look. I have the City Council up my
ass on every fucking dime of the
budget. You make it 200 million, I
can sell it.
JULIA STILLWELL
I’m sorry. Can’t do it. We have
Atlanta waiting in the wings.
MAYOR
(beat)
I think maybe you can.
JULIA STILLWELL
Oh? And why’s that?
MAYOR
TA (leans forward)
Because I happen to know about
Compound V.
Stillwell betrays only the merest twitch.
JULIA STILLWELL
I’m sorry. What’s ‘Compound V?’
MAYOR
The kinda rumor that can really
U
tarnish those heroes of yours. And
no one wants that -- people need
heroes. Now. I can make sure it
stays a rumor. You know I’m a
friend. But friendship cuts both
ways.
What is he talking about? We’re not sure. But Stillwell
only gives him the most pleasant of smiles.
JULIA STILLWELL
Sorry, Steve, I just don’t know what
you’re talking about. 300 million’s
the price. Or we go to Atlanta.
Off Stillwell. She might not be a superhero, but she sure
knows how to wear a mask...
KeepInvestigation
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8.5/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger (Compound V) and a clear question (will Hughie join Butcher?), making the reader want to see the next scene immediately.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built strong momentum through Hughie's grief, Starlight's corruption, and now the Compound V mystery. This scene deepens the conspiracy and raises the stakes, making the reader highly invested in what comes next.
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10 · Aftermath and Plans Amidst the Darkness
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BATHROOM - NIGHT
A row of toilet stalls. And Starlight. At a sink. Stares at
herself in the mirror. Her mascara runs. She’s been crying.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 32.
CONTINUED:
She inspects the NECK BRUISING from where the Deep grabbed
her. It’s already turning an angry purple.
When... QUEEN MAEVE enters. Heads to the sink beside
Starlight to reapply some make-up from a small clutch.
Starlight sneaks glances at Queen Maeve. Humiliated to be
meeting her idol in such circumstances. Subtly tries to
cover her neck bruises with her hand.
When Queen Maeve pivots to Starlight. Long beat. Is Maeve
going to say something? But then --
Queen Maeve gently pulls Starlight’s hand away from her neck.
Inspects the bruising.
Then... Maeve reaches into her clutch, pulls out a bottle of
skin tone CONCEALER. Holds it up to Starlight’s neck. With
compassion --
QUEEN MAEVE
I think this is your color.
TA
Implying that Starlight should cover up the bruise. Maybe
even implying that Maeve’s been there herself.
Then -- Queen Maeve pivots for the door. Calls out, without
looking back.
QUEEN MAEVE
Translucent, you’re such a fucking
perv.
Queen Maeve exits. Beat. Then... Translucent the invisible
man MATERIALIZES, naked, spying on Starlight from the corner.
U
TRANSLUCENT
Uh. I’ll -- I’ll just go.
He walks sheepishly out.
Off Starlight, painfully learning the old adage -- never,
ever meet your heroes...
INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
The dive bar of your dreams. All dark wood and character.
Hughie sits at a private BOOTH, beer in front of him.
Butcher across, nursing a soda water (he never drinks).
Hughie. Digesting what he just saw. Quiet. PISSED.
HUGHIE
They’re -- all like that? All of
‘em? Even the Homelander?
Butcher skips the tiniest half beat. Voice goes the tiniest
bit flat. Something’s going on here, but we don’t dwell.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 33.
CONTINUED:
BUTCHER
Homelander’s the exception. Doesn’t
drink, smoke. Fuckin’ saint. But
the rest? Yeah, pretty much.
(then)
Here, have a shufti at this --
From a MANILA FOLDER, Butcher removes some densely printed
PAPERS, spreads them on the table.
HUGHIE
What are these?
BUTCHER
Police log, night of Robin’s death.
Couple bar fights, some cars got
nicked. Know what’s not in there?
No banks triggering any alarms. No
one charged with robbery at Central
Booking. A-Train stopped two bank
robbers, my arse. Someone’s
covering somethin’ up.
HUGHIE
TA
Covering up -- what?
We re-play FLASHES of Hughie, Robin and A-Train from the
opening... to illustrate Butcher’s case...
BUTCHER
Whatever A-Train was doing that
night. You said he looked scared.
But what’s he got to be scared of?
What did he mean, ‘he can’t stop?’
And what was in that bag? All
U
sounds bleedin’ dodgy to me.
(off Hughie)
So the big question is: where was he
runnin’?
HUGHIE
Or who was he running from?
Butcher regards Hughie. Impressed. Smart.
BUTCHER
Yeah. True. Good point.
(beat)
Figure that out, we’ll have the
fucker. Got a nose for this shit,
and I’m tellin’ you, I can smell it.
Hughie stares at the reports. Feels emboldened.
HUGHIE
Okay. How can I help?
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 34.
CONTINUED: (2)
BUTCHER
Ring Vought. Tell ‘em you’ll take
the money, sign the NDA. But only
if A-Train’s there in person when
you do.
HUGHIE
Wait, I don’t... why would I...?
BUTCHER
I dunno. Say you gotta shake his
hand. For closure. They’ll invite
you into the Seven Tower to meet
him. Past their security. And
then, my son, you are gonna stick a
bug in the place. We’ll have a
listen, really see what’s going on.
HUGHIE
So, sorry -- you want me to go into
the Seven tower? By myself? And
plant -- a bug? Like I’m fucking
James Bond?
TA BUTCHER
Hughie. Why do you think I came to
you in the first place? For the
good of me health?
Again, Hughie’s breathing grows shallow. He pales. Starting
to have another PTSD attack.
HUGHIE
You gotta come with me.
U
BUTCHER
No way they give me a pass.
HUGHIE
What if something goes wrong?
BUTCHER
It won’t.
HUGHIE
Oh. Okay. Really comforting. And
easy for you to say, as you sit out
here on your “arse.” I mean, you’re
FBI, if you’re fucking FBI, get a
warrant, why do you need me --
BUTCHER
(a bald lie, of course)
I got a warrant. But that place is
fire-walled and untappable and
locked up tighter than a nun’s
clunge. I couldn’t sneak in meself,
not in a million years. But you
can. Now calm down.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 35.
CONTINUED: (3)
HUGHIE
Calm? You didn’t see A-Train,
covered in Robin’s -- and I’m
supposed to shake his hand and
smile? These people kill fucking
kids in fucking Volvos on, like, a
random Tuesday, what do you think
they’ll do to me if they catch me?
BUTCHER
We’ve never had a go at the Seven
before, not like this --
HUGHIE
I said NO!
BUTCHER
(beat)
You saw him on that video. You
heard what he said about her.
HUGHIE
(quieter, sadder)
I just -- I can’t. I’m just gonna
TA
fuck it up. You won’t have your bug
and I’ll be dead. I’m not like you.
Hughie stands. Exits.
Off Butcher. He doesn’t look upset. He smirks, confident,
sips from his club soda. As if he expected this --
EXT. BAR - NIGHT
Butcher. Emerging from the bar. Calmly strolling.
U
When -- far overhead -- A HERO SOARS through the night sky,
lit by city lights. Followed by ANOTHER. It’s that last one
who’s got Butcher’s attention. He’s pretty far away, but
eagle eyed viewers might recognize him as the HOMELANDER.
WE CREEP IN ON BUTCHER. Stops. Just staring up. Wearing
his own stoic mask. Until --
BUTCHER
I’m gonna fuckin’ have you. You
cunt.
WIDER. Butcher’s just another New Yorker. When... a BLACK
SUV cruises past.
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
8/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Solid
7/10core
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
8/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
8/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10core
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
8/10core
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
9/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
6/10expected
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Solid
7/10expected
It defeats anticipation fairly
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
8/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
9/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
This scene compels continuation because it ends with Butcher's ominous vow and Hughie's implied agreement, plus Starlight's unresolved trauma. The open questions (will Hughie plant the bug? What will he find?) drive the reader forward.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong: the conspiracy deepens, Starlight's arc is painful but compelling, and Butcher's vendetta against Homelander is a major hook. The scene reinforces these threads without resolving them, keeping the reader invested.
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11 · Negotiation and Intrigue
INT. BLACK SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
The MAYOR of BALTIMORE. The one who mentioned ‘Compound V,’
whatever that is. He rides in the back. On his cell.
MAYOR
Ms. Stillwell. Wasn’t sure I’d hear
from you.
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 36.
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - NIGHT - INTERCUT
Stillwell’s smile is tight. She doesn’t like to acquiesce.
JULIA STILLWELL
Alright, Steve. This fucking
chafes, but we can go down to 230
million for Nubian Prince.
MAYOR
I think that’s very reasonable,
Julia. Thank you.
JULIA STILLWELL
Well, like you said, friendship cuts
both ways.
MAYOR
Yes, it does. You have my word.
There are secrets and scandals between these lines. But we
don’t know what they are. Yet.
TA
Off the Mayor, seemingly winning the negotiation --
INT. HUGHIE’S FAMILY APARTMENT - QUEENS - NEXT DAY
ON THE TV. ELLEN. Eternally upbeat. She sits with a
VISIBLE (and clothed) TRANSLUCENT --
He rolls up his sleeve, lifts his bare arm. Which SHIMMERS
then seemingly DISAPPEARS.
TRANSLUCENT
...no, I don’t actually vanish, my
U
skin turns into this -- carbon meta-
material -- that bends light. Like
an invisibility cloak.
ELLEN
But just to be clear -- you have to
be completely naked, right?
The audience OOHS and AAHS --
Hughie. Sits on the couch. Numb, listless, defeated. Next
to his wheezing Father. His Mom sets a plate of pizza rolls
on the coffee table.
HUGHIE’S MOM
Here you go, honey. Pizza rolls
with ketchup.
Hughie picks one up. Hesitates. Somehow, eating one means
acquiescing to his sad suburban life. When --
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 37.
CONTINUED:
HUGHIE’S DAD
(finally speaks)
30 years at that One Hour
Martinizing. Cost me a lung, and
what’d I get for it? And you wanna
take on Vought? It’s like trynna
take on a mountain. Take the money,
Hughie. We’re lucky to get it.
PUSH IN ON HUGHIE. Holding that pizza roll. Looking at his
Dad. Is he really gonna give up? Give in?
EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY
Starlight -- dressed for the first time in CIVILIAN CLOTHES.
As her secret identity: mild-mannered Annie. She strolls
through the park, phone to her ear. INTERCUT WITH:
ReworkTransition
Design is broken — a load-bearing lens isn’t doing its job yet.
A transition carries us between beats. It owes less structurally than a scene built to turn.
HoldingEvery beat and line earns its place.
Contract
Broken
4/10core
Too many threads, none leads
Several candidate threads compete and none governs — the scene splits its focus rather than committing to one determinate spine.
It isn’t clearly about one thing yet
Ask the AI
Pressure
Broken
4/10core
Tension with no source
The scene asserts tension/stakes/unease but no locatable page-visible force produces it — mood is mistaken for pressure (the pressure firewall).
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Ask the AI
Development
not owed here
3/10light
It restates its note rather than deepening it
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Movement
Broken
3/10core
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Broken
4/10expected
Information arrives but forces no choice
The scene delivers information or understanding but no one is forced to decide or act on it.
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
5/10expected
The cuts lack connective tissue
The scene/sequence shifts location, time, POV, mode, or thread without making the causal/spatial/emotional/rhythmic relationship between adjacent chunks legible.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Soft
6/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
4/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Broken
4/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
5/10core
The exit does not pull forward
At the close there is no open question or live threat — no reason to turn the page.
It settles at the exit rather than pulling on
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 5/10
The scene ends on a question—will Hughie give in or fight?—which creates mild suspense, but the lack of a cliffhanger makes it easy to pause.
Script Continuation Score: 6.5/10
The script has built momentum through Hughie's grief and Butcher's offer, and this scene reinforces the stakes, but it's a quieter beat that doesn't accelerate the plot.
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12 · A Daughter's Journey
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY
Starlight’s Mother makes a bedazzled PRESS SCRAPBOOK of all
her daughter’s recent newspaper clippings.
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
TA
...so. How amazing is it? What’s
the Homelander like?
ANNIE/STARLIGHT
I... he’s busy, I haven’t really met
him yet. Look, Mom, I gotta tell
you what happened...
STARLIGHT’S MOTHER
Oh, I almost forgot. I was playing
Mahjong with Judy and Elaine, and
U
they were going on and on about how
wonderful Starlight is. Starlight
this and Starlight that. I know, I
know, I gotta protect your secret
identity, but I would love to see
the looks on their faces if I told
them it was you.
(beat)
Anyway, what were you gonna say?
ANNIE
(long beat)
Just that everything’s great. Just
how I dreamed. Mom, I gotta go.
WITH ANNIE. She hangs up. Sits on a park bench. Stares up
at -- the radiant SEVEN TOWER. This isn’t at all what she
thought it would be. Her dreams are dying on the vine.
HUGHIE (O.S.)
I’m sorry, but... are you okay?
HUGHIE. On a bench beside her.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 38.
CONTINUED:
Both of them, watching the Tower. For very different
reasons. She wipes a tear, embarrassed.
ANNIE
Yeah. I’m fine.
Hughie pulls a CLOTH HANDKERCHIEF out of his pocket.
Crosses to Annie. Holds it out.
She gives him an odd look. After what she’s been through,
she’s not ready to accept a kindness from a stranger.
ANNIE
No thanks.
HUGHIE
(self-conscious)
I know. Cloth handkerchief. I’m
not really 90 years old, it’s just
my Dad was in dry cleaning, he
insists I carry -- never mind.
Sorry to bother you.
Hughie pivots away. Annie looks after him -- the guy’s just
TA
trying to offer a little compassion in a cruel world.
ANNIE
No, wait. Actually, thank you,
I’d... appreciate it.
Hughie hands her the handkerchief. She dries her eyes.
ANNIE
Just having a bad day, that’s all.
U
HUGHIE
That makes two of us. Work thing or
life thing?
Beat. No one’s been willing or able to listen to Annie.
Now, finally, this stranger is.
ANNIE
Work thing. You?
HUGHIE
Life thing.
They sit in silence. Another long beat. Then --
ANNIE
You know how you -- you have this
image of yourself?
HUGHIE
Mine’s not so hot...
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 39.
CONTINUED: (2)
ANNIE
I’m sure that’s not true.
(then)
I always thought I was... strong,
you know? Like, made of steel. A
fighter.
(then)
But then there I was... I needed to
fight. Had to. But -- I didn’t.
Kept my eyes down, mouth shut, did
what it took to keep my job. Turns
out I’m not who I thought I was.
And I think -- I think I just wanna
go home.
Hughie gives her a long, serious look.
ANNIE
Sorry, I didn’t mean to dump all
that on --
HUGHIE
No, it’s not that. It’s just, I can
relate, I’m -- long story.
TA (off Annie)
Listen. Do you like your job?
ANNIE
It’s the only thing I ever wanted.
HUGHIE
And it’s a good job? You don’t get
kids hooked on smokes or anything?
ANNIE
U
It’s a great job. I could help a
lot of people.
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. A flash of vulnerability. Thinking of his
fear of A-Train. Thinking of Robin.
HUGHIE
Thing is, I -- I knew this girl.
Who’d just -- charge headfirst into
everything. Me, I backed away from
everything, I was... I dunno...
scared of falling or failing. But
she’d say ‘just cause you fall on
your ass, doesn’t mean you gotta
stay there.’
(then)
So I guess I’d say the same to you.
Pardon my french, but fuck those
fuckers. Don’t give ‘em the
satisfaction. You can still be a
fighter -- just get up and fight.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 40.
CONTINUED: (3)
She gives Hughie a long, thoughtful look. Whoever this guy
is, he told her just what she needed to hear, just when she
needed to hear it.
ANNIE
Sounds like a smart girl. You
should take her advice, too.
Hughie glances at her. She’s right.
HUGHIE
I’m Hughie.
ANNIE
Annie.
Off their handshake -- off a respite of tenderness amidst our
usual madness...
KeepRelationship shift
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
6/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
8/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene is self-contained and doesn't end on a cliffhanger, but the emotional connection between Hughie and Annie creates a subtle hook, making the reader curious about their future interactions.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads—Hughie's revenge plot, Annie's secret, and the larger conspiracy—that keep the reader invested, and this scene adds emotional depth without derailing momentum.
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13 · The Showdown
INT. DIVE BAR - DAY
BUTCHER. Sits at the bar. Stares into his soda. When --
TA
A BEAUTIFUL REDHEAD, 30, approaches him.
booth-full of friends.
REDHEAD
Egged on by her
Hi. Hello. So I’m sure this is a
terrible idea, but my friends have
dared me -- to buy you a drink.
BUTCHER
You’re right.
(then)
It is a terrible idea.
U
REDHEAD
(ouch)
Oh, uh, okay. Sorry.
Crash and burn. She goes. Who is this guy?
When Hughie ENTERS. Passing the Redhead. To Butcher --
HUGHIE
Hey. Hoping I’d find you here.
Butcher smiles to himself. It was only a matter of time
before Hughie showed up.
BUTCHER
Boy, this is a shocker. Not
expectin’ to see you again.
HUGHIE
Okay. Let’s get A-Train.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 41.
CONTINUED:
BUTCHER
(feigns reluctance)
I dunno, mate. How do I know you
ain’t gonna leg it like last night?
How do I know you got the bottle?
HUGHIE
I’ve got the -- I don’t know what
‘bottle’ means in that context, but
I’m in, man, I wanna do this.
BUTCHER
You gonna see this through? To the
end?
HUGHIE
Yes.
BUTCHER
Right, then.
INT. DIVE BAR - BY THE BATHROOM - LATER
Hughie, on his cell. Butcher, listening.
TA HUGHIE
...Mr. Friedman, got your message,
and wow, 75k is -- life changing.
I’ll sign whatever you want. I just
-- I need one more thing. An
apology from A-Train.
DOUG FRIEDMAN (ON PHONE)
He already apologized.
U
HUGHIE
No. He gave his regrets. And his
sympathy. On TV. But I want him to
look me in the eye and say he’s
sorry.
DOUG FRIEDMAN (ON PHONE)
Okay, I’ll ask. But I’m telling
you, Hugh, the answer’s gonna be no.
Click. Hughie hangs up. To Butcher --
HUGHIE
Don’t think they’re going for it.
BUTCHER
Oh yes, they will. And in the
Tower, too. They’re not gonna wanna
air this shit in public.
Off Butcher’s knowing smirk --
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 42.
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - DAY
A-Train. With Julia Stillwell. Having a quiet side-bar in
the corner as the other members of the Seven enter the
BOARDROOM for their official meeting.
A-TRAIN
No. No way.
JULIA STILLWELL
We gotta put this behind us, it’s
five minutes out of your day.
A-TRAIN
So some dude can blubber all over
me? I’m -- not good in situations
like that. No.
Julia steps forward. Her genial smile never leaves her face.
JULIA STILLWELL
You know. The Blue Bolt shaved
another point off his mile. He’s
almost as fast as you. Impressive,
TA especially someone that young.
A-TRAIN
The hell is that supposed to mean?
JULIA STILLWELL
Look, I’m just trying to help. You
know I love you, but I’m only one
person in this company. You don’t
want the guys upstairs to start
bitching that you’re difficult.
U
Like they did with the Lamplighter.
Off A-Train...
INT. DIVE BAR - DAY
Butcher. Hughie. At the bar. Waiting. When -- RING!
Hughie’s cell. He answers.
HUGHIE
Hello? Yes, Mr. Friedman...?
He gives Butcher a look. They’re in. Butcher knew it.
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BATHROOM - DAY
Starlight. Back in uniform. Alone at the sink.
She stares at herself in the mirror. Suppressing her fear
and anger. Fuck ‘em. She won’t give ‘em the satisfaction.
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 43.
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - DAY
Starlight enters. The Seven have gathered, a modern-day
Knights of the Oblong Conference Table. Homelander at the
head. Julia Stillwell observes in the corner.
HOMELANDER
(pure Costner)
Starlight. Don’t wanna be late for
your first official meeting. I had
a whole welcome speech planned.
STARLIGHT
Sorry, Sir.
HOMELANDER
Homelander is fine.
DEEP
We were beginning to wonder if you’d
even show up.
She glares at the Deep, defiant. She’s literally got a look
to kill and wants to use it. But she restrains herself.
TA (dry)
STARLIGHT
Oh, no, I’m excited to be here. I’m
on pins and needles.
The Deep. Glares at her, surprised. Didn’t expect this much
grit from Starlight.
As a floating pair of reading glasses in the next chair
peruses some paperwork --
U
TRANSLUCENT
...can we get back to this please,
this is a serious crime.
(then)
Copyright infringement of our
brands, individually and
collectively, is costing Vought 1.2
billion per year. That’s money out
of our pockets. We’ve all got,
what, four points each?
As they ramble on... Starlight. She acts calm, strong. But
she’s wearing a mask.
A-TRAIN
Fuck. You’ve got four points?
QUEEN MAEVE
And clearly, better lawyers.
HOMELANDER
Hey. C’mon. Stop.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 44.
CONTINUED:
Everyone shuts up. Turns to the Homelander. He commands
unwavering respect --
HOMELANDER
(pure Clooney)
What’s Starlight gonna think,
listening to us haggle over nickels?
We’re the Seven for God’s sake. Now
what I want to hear -- is who you
saved this week. Black Noir, let’s
start with you --
The guy really is an omnipotent Boy Scout. Off this --
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The cuts lack connective tissue
The scene/sequence shifts location, time, POV, mode, or thread without making the causal/spatial/emotional/rhythmic relationship between adjacent chunks legible.
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with the boardroom meeting in progress and Hughie's plan in motion, creating clear hooks: will the apology happen? How will Starlight cope? The reader is compelled to see the next scene.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has built strong momentum through Hughie's grief-driven quest and Starlight's traumatic induction into the Seven. This scene tightens both threads, and the unresolved tension (Deep's threat, the apology setup) keeps the reader engaged.
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14 · Hughie's Stealth Mission in the Seven Tower
EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER/INT. BUTCHER’S CAR - NIGHT
PAN DOWN off the SEVEN TOWER to reveal -- Butcher’s car. The
behemoth of a Caddy.
INSIDE THE CAR. Hughie, anxious as hell. Looks in the back
seat -- notices some STRAY DOG TOYS. Bright, cutesy, squeaky
rubber animals. Seems out of character for Butcher.
HUGHIE
TA
You have a dog?
BUTCHER
No.
Butcher doesn’t elaborate further. On Hughie -- umkay.
BUTCHER
Give us your phone.
Hughie complies. Butcher pops it out of its case. Then
U
pulls out a BUG. As wide and thin as a silver dollar.
BUTCHER
Security won’t find it, or the X-
ray.
Butcher hides the bug in Hughie’s phone case, clicks the
phone back in place OVER it --
BUTCHER
Now, what they’ll probably do is
take you to the boardroom. Give it
a minute, say you need a crap. Take
out the bug when you’re in the bog.
Glue’s there on one side, see? Go
back, stick it under the boardroom
table, that’s that.
Hughie’s heart is racing. Commencing another panic attack?
He starts spluttering --
HUGHIE
That’s that? Kinda seems like -- a
lot, actually. What if --
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 45.
CONTINUED:
BUTCHER
Hughie. Two choices. One: go an’
whine to a shrink for the rest of
your life, pop some Klonopin, maybe
punch an A-Train doll. Two: stop
bein’ such a cunt. What do you say?
Off Hughie. He swallows nervously -- a major effort -- and
climbs out of the car.
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - LOBBY - NIGHT
Hughie. GRIPPING his phone. We hear his THUMPING HEART. As
he enters the hypermodern lobby. Approaches Ashley the
publicist, surgically attached to her Blackberry.
HUGHIE
Hi -- are you Ashley? I’m Hughie
Campbell...?
Ashley smiles, thin. She’s used to working with Gods. Not
mere mortals.
ASHLEY
TA
Follow me, Mr. Campbell.
Ashley leads Hughie through the SECURITY CHECKPOINT. He
anxiously flits his eyes at --
POV’s. HEAVY FUCKING HARDWARE. SECURITY GUARDS with semi-
automatics. SURVEILLANCE CAMS mounted everywhere.
A stutter-step, as he drops his PHONE through the x-ray
machine. Hughie walks through the metal detector, eyes on
the X-RAY TECH. Who... shit, SQUINTS at the monitor...
U
X-RAY TECH
Sir, may I examine your phone?
HUGHIE
Uh -- sure.
Hughie’s about to have a heart attack. As the X-Ray Tech
carefully pores over the phone. Turns it around. Is he
gonna pop it from its case? Find the bug? This seems to
last FUCKING FOREVER. Hughie sweats bullets. Until --
X-RAY TECH
Have a “Super” day.
The Tech hands it over. Hughie collects his phone, follows
Ashley to the elevators.
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - NIGHT
Ashley opens the door to the boardroom.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 46.
CONTINUED:
ASHLEY
Wait here, please. A-Train will be
with you shortly.
She’s already off before Hughie can say thanks.
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BOARDROOM - TWENTY MINUTES LATER
Hughie. Alone. Sitting at the table in the imposing,
cavernous room. Clenching his phone.
He stares at it, tries to will himself not to sweat. Is this
his moment? Should he go to the bathroom now? While no one
is here, no one is watching?
BEEP! The desk INTERCOM comes to life.
ASSISTANT ON PHONE
Won’t be long, Mr. Campbell.
HUGHIE
I need to -- go to the bathroom.
Hello?
TA
But the intercom has already clicked off.
Hughie. Takes a beat. Takes a breath. Grips his phone.
Steels himself. He can do this. This is it.
Stands up. Heads to the door. Reaches for the knob --
The door suddenly swings open! And A-TRAIN enters, followed
by Ashley, various HANDLERS, and Doug Friedman -- who begins
to lay out the documents on the table.
U
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Face-to-face with A-Train. Nose to nose.
Tete-a-tete. The source of all his misery. Anger. Anxiety.
DOUG FRIEDMAN
Just to be clear, A-Train’s apology
isn’t an admission of any sort of
culpability whatsoever, do you
understand?
Hughie manages a nod. The Lawyer gives A-Train the okay.
A-TRAIN
(a sullen 3rd grader)
Hey, man. I’m sorry what happened
to your girlfriend. Alright?
A-Train reaches out his hand to shake.
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Wide-angle, like in the bodega. Breathing
shallow. Heart pounding. Eyes wide. He’s about to plunge
into another PTSD attack! He glances down at his PHONE,
which he grips, white-knuckled.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 47.
CONTINUED:
The Lawyer and the Publicist trade concerned looks. A-Train
looks down at Hughie’s phone, too.
A-TRAIN
Buddy. You okay?
Hughie’s gonna blow it! A cringe-worthy beat. Another!
But then... he takes a deep breath. Pulls himself together.
Into the AMAZING SALESMAN HE IS.
Firmly shakes hands. Cool as shit.
HUGHIE
Fine. I appreciate the apology.
But accidents happen, right? And
after all, you were saving the
world.
ASHLEY
(sighs with relief)
Okay, thank you, Mr. Campbell. Now
if you’ll excuse us, a crime-
fighter’s work is never done, but
TA
Douglas here will stay behind, get
you those documents...
A-Train, Ashley, and the various handlers beat a hasty
retreat. Leaving Doug Friedman behind, who holds out a pen.
HUGHIE
Where’s your bathroom?
INT. THE SEVEN TOWER - BATHROOM - NIGHT
U
Hughie enters, heads into a stall.
INSIDE THE STALL. He sits on the toilet. Wrenches his phone
from its case. But if your case is anything like mine,
that’s never, ever easy. He tugs a bit too hard --
The phone CLACKS to the floor! Even worse, so does the BUG!
Which spins like a quarter before landing on the linoleum.
It’s still in the stall, but right beneath the door, in plain
view if anyone was looking for it --
Hughie. Shit. Which escalates into FUCK when --
The door opens and SOMEONE ENTERS. Hughie freezes. He can’t
tell who it is, he only spots boots. But we can see --
It’s STARLIGHT. She moves to the sink, stares in the mirror,
gets her game face back on. If she saw Hughie, she’d
recognize him!
But... she doesn’t see him, and he never sees her. She
exits. Hughie breathes a sigh of relief. Near miss. Snags
the bug and the phone.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 48.
CONTINUED:
He exits the stall. Exits the bathroom. But we hold a BEAT.
As TRANSLUCENT materializes in the bathroom corner. Naked.
He was just gonna perv out again, but instead, he saw the
whole damn thing. He frowns. What the hell? Off this --
EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER - NIGHT
Hughie exits the lobby. Flush with victory. Struts down the
street like fucking Travolta. Up to Butcher’s car.
Butcher gives him a curious look. Well? Hughie breaks into
a wide grin. Nods. He did it. He actually did it!
KeepDelivery
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingWhat happens here obliges what comes next.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
8/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Action, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Anxious, Tense, Suspenseful, Relieved, Intense
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8.5/10
The scene ends with Hughie's success but also with Translucent witnessing the act, creating a cliffhanger that makes the reader want to see the consequences immediately.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built strong momentum through Hughie's grief, his alliance with Butcher, and the parallel Starlight storyline. This scene advances the plot and raises stakes, compelling the reader to continue.
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15 · A Shocking Encounter
EXT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL/INT. BUTCHER’S CAR - NIGHT
Butcher pulls up in front of Hughie’s Electronics Store.
Quiet night. No one inside but GARY, the owner.
INSIDE THE CAR. Hughie, still pumped with adrenaline.
HUGHIE
That was awesome. Staring that
TA
asshole down? I get why you dig
this job, man --
BUTCHER
Got its moments.
HUGHIE
But you’re right -- fuck A-Train,
fuck --
(finally noticing)
What’re we doing here?
U
BUTCHER
How d’you mean? You gotta go back
to work, yeah?
HUGHIE
I -- sorry?
BUTCHER
Hughie, you were brilliant. But
that’s all I needed you for.
HUGHIE
What? But -- I don’t -- I mean, I
can help you, let me help --
BUTCHER
You did help. I got it from here.
(a final)
Cheers.
Beat. Doesn’t seem like Butcher is budging.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 49.
CONTINUED:
HUGHIE
Um. Right. Okay.
Hughie climbs out, tries to hide his disappointment. He
gives Butcher a ‘goodbye’ nod.
HUGHIE
Oh, hey, almost forgot -- ever see
an asshole tear up 75k?
Hughie takes out the VOUGHT CHECK. RIPS it.
BUTCHER
You’re a good lad, Hughie. Not all
that common in my line of work.
Off Hughie, nodding back -- but feels oddly dissatisfied.
INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT - LATER
ON THE TV. MSNBC. CHRIS HAYES converses with a NATIONAL
SECURITY EXPERT. Forever droning talking heads.
TA CHRIS HAYES (ON TV)
...policing cities is a thorny
enough issue as it is, but allowing
Superheroes into national defense?
We’d be basically privatizing war...
EXPERT (ON TV)
Sooner or later, it’s inevitable...
IN THE STORE. Gary throws on his jacket.
GARY
U
Alright, g’night, Hughie. You’ll
lock up?
(off Hughie’s nod)
I’m still thinking about that raise,
you know.
HUGHIE
Yeah, okay, thanks, Gary.
Gary exits. Hughie. Behind the counter. Stares at the TV.
Returning to this shitty fucking job, after all that
intrigue, feels anti-climactic, both for Hughie and for us.
But then...
ANGLE. Hughie’s back to the door. So he doesn’t see it
OPEN. And CLOSE. By ITSELF. He only hears the bell JINGLE.
HUGHIE
(as he pivots)
Sorry. I’m closing up --
(room’s empty)
Hello?
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 50.
CONTINUED:
A ghostly, disembodied VOICE --
TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
Who are you?
HUGHIE
(twirling)
The fuck? Where --
TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
Right in front of you.
That silver dollar BUG floats in the air before Hughie.
TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
You think I wouldn’t find this
thing?!
Hughie barely has time to register surprise, when -- WHACK!
His head SNAPS to the side from an INVISIBLE PUNCH. Blood
flings from the side of his mouth. Oh. Shit.
INT. BUTCHER’S CAR/EXT. BACK ALLEY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
TA
Butcher. Parked in some abandoned back alley. Has a LAPTOP
open on the passenger seat. Listening to the BUG. Which
means he’s listening to Hughie.
HUGHIE (O.S.)
Please! I don’t know what you’re
talking about!
TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
Don’t give me that, I followed you
from the Tower!
U
BUTCHER
Fuckin’ hell, Hughie, you got
yourself made.
CLOSE ON BUTCHER. Maybe there’s a wisp of regret fluttering
over his face. Then again, maybe not. Guy’s a mystery.
From the LAPTOP -- unmistakable sounds of CRASHING GLASS --
BUTCHER
Ah, well.
Butcher closes the laptop. Sound shuts off. Seemingly
washing his hands of the whole sordid business...
INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - NIGHT
WHAM! Hughie is SHOVED BACK into a wall of TV’s. Some CRASH
to the floor, LIVE WIRES SPARKING! As Hughie gets his ASS
KICKED by an invisible man.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 51.
CONTINUED:
TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
Who was that guy you were with?! In
the car?
With admirable bravery, Hughie doesn’t answer --
So he’s THROWN again. CRASH! OUCH!
TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
Who was he?? He put you up to this?
HUGHIE
I don’t know! He was just a fucking
Uber driver, okay?!
TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
Why’d you plant the bug??
HUGHIE
...please... please...
We can SEE -- HEAR -- the crunch of glass. As Translucent
stalks closer to Hughie. Closer.
TA TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
Think you can just fuck with us?
We’re the Seven! Earth’s Most
Mighty! Champions of the Innocent!
This is it. Curtains for Hughie. Fat Lady steps up to the
mike, clears her throat, and --
SMASH!!
BUTCHER’S CAR CAREENS THROUGH THE STORE’S FRONT WINDOW!
U
SHATTERING THE GLASS. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HUGHIE!
KNOCKING TRANSLUCENT CLEAR ACROSS THE ROOM. We can tell,
from the CRUNCH of his body on the windshield, from the THUD
against a collapsing shelf of ELECTRONICS.
Butcher climbs out of the car. For some reason, he holds a
sparking CATTLE PROD (stay tuned for why).
BUTCHER
Hughie, run.
(Hughie hesitates)
Fuckin’ run!
Hughie scrambles for the back room of the store -- as Butcher
straightens up, pivots to Translucent --
BUTCHER
Let him be, you invisible cunt.
TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
Who are you?
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 52.
CONTINUED: (2)
BUTCHER
I’ll tell you who you are. A
fuckin’ joke, mate.
TRANSLUCENT (O.S.)
That so?
BUTCHER
Translucent doesn’t even mean
‘invisible,’ you silly twat. It
means ‘semi-transparent.’
Butcher LUNGES with the CATTLE PROD. But he misses -- not so
easy to fight an invisible man.
Translucent RIPS the CATTLE PROD out of Butcher’s HAND.
Hurls it out of reach. SHIT.
INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - BACK ROOM - CONTINUOUS
CLOSE ON HUGHIE. Darting past boxes and equipment, about to
escape out the back. He opens the door --
TA
And STOPS. Who is he gonna be? Someone who backs down? Or
someone who fights?
When he sees, on a rack in front of him -- some CARBON
COMPONENT CABLES. He looks at them. Thinking.
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingWhat happens here obliges what comes next.
Contract
Solid
8/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
8/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Solid
7/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
8/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
9/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
8/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
9/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
6/10expected
The trope arrives unaltered
The scene's main situation/image/beat-pattern is recognizable genre convention and the script adds no specific inversion, collision, POV, cost, world-rule, or tonal twist that changes how it plays.
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Solid
7/10expected
It defeats anticipation fairly
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
8/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
9/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Action, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional, Dark
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 9/10
The scene ends on a strong cliffhanger with Hughie grabbing the carbon cables, making the reader desperate to see if he will fight or flee, and how the confrontation with Translucent resolves.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script's momentum is high: Hughie's arc is deepening, the threat from the Seven is escalating, and Butcher's motives remain mysterious. This scene adds a direct physical confrontation that raises the stakes for the entire story.
Expert Critiques
Expert Suggestions
View Analysis
View Script
16 · Electrocution and Plane Crash
INT. BRYMAN AUDIO VISUAL - CONTINUOUS
WHACK! Translucent punches Butcher across the jaw. Then --
WHACK! Another hit. Butcher only grins, his teeth red.
Then ingeniously SPITS BLOOD in Translucent’s FACE. We see
U
the spattered BLOOD FLOATING IN MID-AIR.
BUTCHER
There you are.
Butcher SWINGS -- CONNECTS! But then --
Translucent HITS BACK. Over and over. Harder and harder.
It doesn’t look good for Butcher. Until --
Suddenly, Hughie is THERE! He PULLS the FIRE ALARM!
WATER SPRAYS from OVERHEAD SPRINKLERS --
Revealing TRANSLUCENT. WATER SPLASHES over his BODY!
HUGHIE
The TV!
Butcher glances -- spots a SMASHED TV on the ground, throwing
sparks into a growing PUDDLE.
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 53.
CONTINUED:
Butcher gets what Hughie’s saying -- he nods -- UNLOADS a
CRUSHING ROUNDHOUSE PUNCH on Translucent -- OOF -- sends the
bastard flailing back into the sparking WATER --
Which immediately ELECTROCUTES HIM! SPARKS CLIMACTICALLY
RIDE UP Translucent’s body. Before he DROPS.
Dust-settling beat.
The sprinklers stop. Nothing on the floor but a puddle with
the outline of an invisible body in it.
HUGHIE
(out of breath)
Is he dead?
Butcher gives a HARD KICK to Translucent. No noise out of
him, no movement --
BUTCHER
Well, he ain’t movin’.
HUGHIE
TA
Shit. Shit.
BUTCHER
How’d you know electricity
bollocksed the cunt? Took me
forever to work that one out.
HUGHIE
Skin’s carbon. Highly conductive.
Saw it on ‘Ellen.’
BUTCHER
U
Nice one, Hughie. Well, come on.
We gotta get him in the trunk.
HUGHIE
Wait -- we what?
BUTCHER
Think you just offed a member of the
Seven.
HUGHIE
Me? You hit him!
BUTCHER
Semantics, my son, we’re both in a
fucksight a’ trouble.
Already, they can hear SIRENS in the distance --
HUGHIE
No, he attacked us! And you’re --
you’re a federal officer! Call the
fucking FBI!
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 54.
CONTINUED: (2)
BUTCHER
Yeah. I ain’t really a fed.
Off Hughie -- FUCKING WHAT?
EXT. THE SEVEN TOWER - ROOFTOP - NIGHT
STARLIGHT. On the ROOF of the Seven Tower -- taking in the
infinite constellation of the city below.
PUSH IN ON HER. Her anger, her frustration, boiling and
churning inside. Rising up.
Her eyes begin to glow. Then FLARE.
WIDE. The tower’s top floors -- really, all nearby lights --
FLICKER and BLACK OUT dramatically. Around Starlight. As
she draws energy from them. As her eyes BLAZE like FIRE.
The other Supes might not see the defiant spark inside her.
Not yet. But we sure do.
EXT. SKY - NIGHT
TA
A PRIVATE JET SOARS.
INT. PRIVATE JET/EXT. SKY - NIGHT
A PICTURE. The Homelander. “To Mason: Reach for the Sky!
Best, Homelander.” We’ve seen this photo before.
The Mayor of Baltimore’s son MASON, 10. Draws at a desk in
bit lip concentration, tries to replicate his beloved
Homelander photo with a crayola-on-paper version.
U
His Dad (the Mayor) dozes in a leather chair. Various AIDES
work or sleep.
When -- Mason happens to glance out the window. He
brightens. His wildest dreams coming true --
POV. ON THE WING. THE HOMELANDER. Proud. Hands on hips.
Cape swirling, Zack Snyder-style. He smiles at Mason.
MASON
Homelander! Dad, wake up! The
Homelander’s here!
The Mayor rouses -- what? He heads over to the window, along
with the aides. They all grin -- major celeb sighting.
MAYOR
Look at that. What’s he doing here?
MASON
Did he come to say goodbye? Are you
guys friends??
(CONTINUED)
THE BOYS #101 "Name of the Game" - 10/15/17 (NETWORK DRAFT 6) 55.
CONTINUED:
POV. ON THE WING. The Homelander. Without ever losing his
smile, he looks down to the ENGINE --
And FIRES BLINDING RED BEAMS from his eyes! Flaring camera!
Right at the turbine -- SLICING IT RIGHT OFF --
MAYOR
OH MY GOD!
Guess the Mayor lost the negotiation, after all. THE PLANE
JOLTS. GOING DOWN.
Mason. Open-mouthed in shock and fear. Painfully learning
the old adage -- never, ever meet your heroes.
Homelander, still genially smiling, gives them a friendly
salute. Before FLYING OFF --
STAY WITH THE HOMELANDER. Watching, blank-faced. As the JET
NOSE DIVES. Plummets down to the Atlantic.
Turns out, Homelander wears a mask, too. And what’s behind
it is psychopathic, unhinged. And all-powerful. Off this --
TA BLACKOUT!
TO BE CONTINUED...
U
PolishMontage
No lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
A montage compresses time. It isn’t built to turn on a single thread.
HoldingThe exit pulls you into the next one.
Contract
Broken
4/10core
Too many threads, none leads
Several candidate threads compete and none governs — the scene splits its focus rather than committing to one determinate spine.
It isn’t clearly about one thing yet
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
not owed here
light
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
5/10core
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
6/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
5/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
There’s avoidable waste on the page
Ask the AI
Assembly
Broken
4/10expected
The cuts lack connective tissue
The scene/sequence shifts location, time, POV, mode, or thread without making the causal/spatial/emotional/rhythmic relationship between adjacent chunks legible.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Soft
6/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Broken
3/10expected
The trope arrives unaltered
The scene's main situation/image/beat-pattern is recognizable genre convention and the script adds no specific inversion, collision, POV, cost, world-rule, or tonal twist that changes how it plays.
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Broken
4/10expected
You can see the beats coming
The scene sets up its conflict then plays the most likely version — no turn, reversal, complication, or reveal the reader couldn't call in advance.
The beats can be called before they land
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Action, Superhero, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Intense, Suspenseful, Dark, Emotional
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 9/10
The scene ends with a major cliffhanger (the plane going down) and a clear 'to be continued,' making the reader desperate to see what happens next. The disposal of Translucent's body also creates immediate suspense.
Script Continuation Score: 8.5/10
The script has built strong momentum through Hughie's transformation, Starlight's hidden rebellion, and the growing conspiracy. This scene raises the stakes dramatically and introduces Homelander as a clear antagonist, compelling the reader to continue.
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Overall
Concept
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Engagement
Pacing
Formatting
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Premise
Structure
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