Stranger Things

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Thriller, Mystery, Drama, Horror, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Coming of Age, Adventure, Teen, Comedy, Romance, Family, Action

Setting: 1980, Montauk, New York

Overview: In the quaint town of Hawkins, Indiana, a group of friends embarks on a thrilling adventure when their friend Will goes missing. As they search for him, they encounter a sinister force that threatens their safety and unravels the secrets of a hidden world lurking beneath their town. Their journey is filled with suspense, danger, and the unbreakable bonds of friendship.

Themes: Supernatural and Unexplained Phenomena, Friendship and Loyalty, The Power of Imagination and Curiosity, The Dangers of Government Secrecy and Experimentation, The Importance of Family

Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflict revolves around the mysterious disappearance of a young boy, Will, and the supernatural events that follow. The stakes are high as the characters uncover dark secrets and face dangerous entities in their search for the truth.

Overall Mood: Suspenseful and eerie

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The opening scene sets a tone of horror and mystery with the discovery of the dead scientists and the destroyed laboratory.
  • Scene 20: The beach bonfire scene creates a lighthearted and carefree mood, contrasting with the darker events unfolding in the story.
  • Scene 35: The encounter with Eleven in the forest road evokes a sense of tension and mystery as the characters face a supernatural entity.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The integration of supernatural elements and government conspiracy into a coming-of-age story set in the 1980s.
  • Plot Twist: The revelation of Eleven's true identity and powers, as well as the connection to the mysterious laboratory.
  • Distinctive Setting: The atmospheric and nostalgic 1980s small town setting with a blend of sci-fi and horror elements.
  • Innovative Characters: The diverse and complex characters, including a telekinetic girl and a determined mother, add depth to the story.
  • Genre Blends: The seamless blending of sci-fi, horror, mystery, and coming-of-age genres creates a unique and engaging narrative.
  • Compelling Storyline: The gripping mystery of the missing boy, the supernatural occurrences, and the characters' personal journeys make for a captivating narrative.

Comparable Scripts:

  • Stranger Things
  • E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
  • Super 8
  • The Goonies
  • Stand by Me
  • It
  • The X-Files
  • Cloverfield

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a diverse range of writing styles, blending elements of suspense, drama, horror, and mystery. The scenes often showcase strong characterization, emotional depth, and a focus on creating tension and atmosphere.

Style Similarities:

  • Stephen King
  • Aaron Sorkin
  • Christopher Nolan
  • Guillermo del Toro
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: This Stranger Things TV pilot screenplay presents a compelling mystery/supernatural thriller with strong character development and world-building. The narrative effectively draws the audience into the high-stakes search for a missing boy, while hinting at a larger, more ominous threat lurking in the shadows. The screenplay's strengths lie in its pacing, tension-building, and coherent integration of multiple storylines. While minor pacing issues and a lack of clear overall stakes could be addressed, the screenplay's standout elements, such as the introduction of the mysterious girl and the unsettling climactic storm sequence, make it a strong candidate for further development and potential production.


USP: **Unique Selling Proposition (USP):** "Stranger Things: The Script" is a gripping and suspenseful tale that seamlessly blends elements of science fiction, horror, and mystery. With its distinct characters, innovative storytelling techniques, and atmospheric setting, this script stands out as a truly unique and compelling offering. Through the eyes of a group of friends facing the disappearance of their own, the script delves into the realm of the supernatural, exploring the depths of human fear, courage, and resilience. Its original and engaging approach to character development, with each individual boasting their distinct traits and motivations, ensures that the audience remains invested in the journey of each character. The script skillfully employs unexpected twists and turns, keeping the reader on the edge of their seat and eagerly anticipating what lies ahead. It masterfully weaves together suspenseful moments with heartfelt emotional scenes, creating a well-rounded and deeply affecting narrative. Furthermore, the script's unique voice shines through in its evocative descriptions and intense pacing, creating an immersive and captivating reading experience. The vivid imagery and atmospheric language transport the reader into the heart of the story, allowing them to fully engage with the characters and the unfolding events. With its captivating blend of genres, distinct characters, and innovative storytelling techniques, "Stranger Things: The Script" promises to captivate a wide audience, leaving a lasting impression and cementing its place as a truly exceptional work.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$50-70 million

Target Audience Demographics: Young adults and adults aged 18-49, fans of sci-fi, horror, and mystery genres

Marketability: The blend of sci-fi, horror, and mystery genres, along with compelling characters and a gripping storyline, make this screenplay highly marketable.

The nostalgic 1980s setting, supernatural elements, and strong emotional core appeal to a wide audience and create buzz.

The strong ensemble cast, intriguing plot twists, and suspenseful atmosphere contribute to the screenplay's marketability.

Profit Potential: High, due to the strong appeal to a wide audience, potential for franchise development, and merchandise opportunities.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by its vivid and intense descriptions, creating a sense of suspense and mystery. The writing style is filled with dramatic imagery and tension, drawing the reader into the plot and creating a captivating reading experience.

Best representation: Scene 1 - Dungeons and Dragons in the Basement. Scene 1 is the best representation of the writer's voice because it effectively sets the tone for the screenplay, introducing the sense of suspense and mystery that permeates throughout the narrative. The vivid descriptions of the horrific scene immediately captivate the audience and create a sense of unease and foreboding.

Memorable Lines:

  • Mike: A shadow grows on the wall behind you... swallowing you in darkness... it is almost here... (Scene 2)
  • Will: MOM?! JONATHAN?! MOM?! (Scene 7)
  • Joyce: ...Mom... (Scene 42)
  • Benny: ...All I know is, poor thing’s scared to death... confused... (Scene 25)
  • Will: ...P-please -- (Scene 8)
Characters

Mike Wheeler:A 12-year-old boy who leads his friends in Dungeons and Dragons games and becomes involved in a mysterious disappearance.

Eleven:A young girl with telekinetic powers who escapes from a secretive laboratory and becomes entangled in the events surrounding the disappearance of a boy.

Joyce Byers:A mother desperately searching for her missing son and facing supernatural occurrences in her home.

Chief Hopper:The local police chief who becomes involved in the investigation of the missing boy and uncovers dark secrets in the town.

Nancy Wheeler:Mike's older sister who gets caught up in a romantic relationship and the mysterious events unfolding in the town.

Story Shape
Summary In a small town plagued by mysterious disappearances and otherworldly occurrences, a group of teenagers find themselves caught in the middle of a dangerous game involving Dungeons and Dragons and a sinister creature known as the Demogorgon. As they search for their missing friend Will, they uncover dark secrets and a connection to a parallel dimension known as the Upside Down. Meanwhile, Police Chief Hopper and Joyce Byers race against time to unravel the mystery behind the strange events unfolding in their town, leading to a climactic confrontation with a supernatural force that threatens to engulf them all.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot of this tv_pilot is compelling and engaging, with a strong balance of mystery, suspense, and emotional depth. The opening scene effectively establishes the central mystery of the story, and the subsequent scenes gradually unfold new layers of intrigue and complexity. The characters are well-developed and relatable, and their interactions drive the story forward in a meaningful way. The pacing is well-controlled, building tension and suspense without becoming overwhelming. Overall, the plot/story of this tv_pilot is a solid foundation for a captivating and immersive series. However, there are a few areas that could be improved to enhance the overall impact of the story. For example, the ending feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more development to provide a stronger sense of closure. Additionally, some of the subplots feel underdeveloped and could be expanded upon to add more depth and complexity to the narrative. Despite these minor areas for improvement, the overall plot/story of this tv_pilot is strong and engaging, with the potential to captivate and entertain audiences.
Suggestions:
  • Consider expanding the ending to provide a stronger sense of closure and resolution to the central conflict.
  • Develop the subplots more fully to add depth and complexity to the narrative, provide additional character development opportunities, and create a more well-rounded story world.
  • Strengthen the connections between the various plot elements to ensure a cohesive and logical flow of events.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of this tv_pilot is strong and engaging, effectively setting up the central mystery and introducing the main characters. The opening scene, with its unsettling imagery and mysterious events, immediately captures the audience's attention and sets the tone for the rest of the story. The subsequent scenes efficiently establish the characters' relationships, motivations, and the stakes involved in the mystery. The pacing is well-controlled, gradually building tension and intrigue without overwhelming the viewer with too much information. Overall, the beginning of this tv_pilot is highly effective in drawing the audience into the story and creating a solid foundation for the rest of the series.
Suggestions:
  • Consider adding more details or backstory to the central mystery to pique the audience's curiosity and create a stronger sense of intrigue.
  • Expand on the character motivations and relationships to provide a deeper understanding of their actions and decisions.
  • Tighten the pacing of the opening scenes to create a more immersive and fast-paced experience for the viewer.
Middle The middle part of this tv_pilot is well-crafted and maintains the momentum established in the beginning. The story continues to unfold in a compelling and engaging manner, with new twists and revelations keeping the audience invested. The character dynamics are well-developed, and the interactions between the characters are authentic and believable. The pacing is well-controlled, allowing for both tension-building moments and moments of character development. Overall, the middle part of this tv_pilot successfully builds upon the strong foundation established in the beginning and sets the stage for a satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions:
  • Consider adding more depth and complexity to the obstacles faced by the characters to increase the stakes and heighten the tension.
  • Explore the character relationships in more detail to uncover hidden motivations and create more nuanced and engaging dynamics.
  • Vary the pacing throughout the middle part to create a more dynamic and engaging experience for the viewer.
Ending The ending of this tv_pilot is somewhat effective in providing closure to the central mystery, but it could be further improved to deliver a more satisfying and impactful conclusion. While the main conflict is resolved, some of the subplots feel underdeveloped and end abruptly, leaving the audience with a sense of incompleteness. Additionally, the pacing of the ending feels rushed, which undermines the emotional impact of the resolution. With some additional development and refinement, the ending of this tv_pilot could be elevated to match the strength of the rest of the story.
Suggestions:
  • Consider expanding the ending to provide a more comprehensive resolution to all of the subplots and character arcs.
  • Slow down the pacing of the ending to allow for a more emotionally resonant and satisfying conclusion.
  • Add additional scenes or dialogue to provide more context and motivation for the characters' actions and decisions in the ending.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Descent into Darkness Tense, Gothic, Ominous, Dramatic 9 9 89 7 087989888 09888
2 - Dungeons and Dragons in the Basement Suspense, Dramatic, Intense, Humorous 8 8 88 7 687877877 99888
3 - Family Discord and Hidden Crush Tension, Humor, Conflict 8 8 78 9 687886777 89999
4 - Nancy Knows Lucas's Name Playful, Nostalgic, Light-hearted 8 8 77 9 687665777 89888
5 - Race to Dustin's House Light-hearted, Playful, Competitive 8 8 78 9 587675776 89999
6 - Encounter in the Forest Suspenseful, Mysterious, Eerie, Intense 9 9 89 7 687978987 69888
7 - Night Terror Suspenseful, Eerie, Tense 8 8 78 6 587787888 59878
8 - Panic in the Shed Terror, Suspense, Desperation 9 9 89 7 787989888 69999
9 - Morning Desolation Gritty, Somber, Reflective 7.5 8 69 8 286472367 47888
10 - Morning Routine Tense, Anxious, Frantic, Dramatic 8 8 88 7 687877877 79888
11 - Will's Disappearance Tense, Anxious, Frustrated, Worried 8 8 87 7 787888879 79899
12 - Morning Chaos Tense, Anxious, Chaotic, Concerned, Frustrated 8 8 79 8 687777877 79888
13 - Mounting Concerns and Schoolyard Antics Suspenseful, Anxious, Mysterious, Tense 8 8 87 7 687778878 79888
14 - High School Anticipation Anxious, Intriguing, Secretive 8 8 78 8 687676777 79899
15 - Flirtatious Encounter Tense, Flirtatious, Anxious 8 8 77 9 787676768 88899
16 - Morning at the Montauk Police Station Tense, Suspenseful, Mysterious, Serious 8 8 87 7 687879867 89888
17 - A Mother's Plea Tense, Anxious, Concerned, Intense, Serious 9 8 99 9 787889979 89888
18 - Eleven's Vanishing Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Foreboding 9 9 99 8 687878977 79888
19 - Surveillance Footage Revelation Suspenseful, Mysterious, Dark, Tense 9 9 99 8 687.5888997 798.588
20 - The Young Girl and Benny's Fish 'N Fry Suspenseful, Dark, Mysterious 9 9 89 9 687777878 89888
21 - Caught in the Act Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Dark 9 8 99 8 687887887 79988
22 - Science Class Interrupted Suspenseful, Serious, Mysterious 8 8 78 7 687777876 89899
23 - The Boys' Interrogation Serious, Authoritative, Tense 8 8 79 8 687888877 99888
24 - Benny Meets Eleven Intense, Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intriguing 9 9 88 9 787776788 79899
25 - A Stranger in the Restaurant Anxious, Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense 8 8 78 8 787777778 78899
26 - Searching for Will Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Serious 8 8 97 7 687878977 68899
27 - Lonnie's Avoidance and Hopper's Arrival Tense, Angry, Suspenseful, Dramatic 8 8 88 7 787888879 79999
28 - Byers' House Investigation Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Dark 8 8 78 7 687888887 69999
29 - Strange Happenings at the Byers' Shed Suspenseful, Mysterious, Dark 8 8 78 6 487.5887886 598.588
30 - Family Conflict Amidst Missing Child Tense, Emotional, Argumentative 8 7 89 9 787988879 89888
31 - The Search Continues Suspenseful, Melancholic, Reflective 8 8 79 9 887677779 79888
32 - Mike's Concerns Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense 8 8 89 7 687878987 99888
33 - Midnight Encounter Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Dramatic 8 8 88 7 687.5877887 79888
34 - Bonds of Trust Tension, Warmth, Surprise, Humor 8 8 89 9 887576579 89888
35 - Benny's Demise Suspenseful, Intense, Dark, Shocking 9 9 98 8 787989988 79999
36 - Eleven's Escape Suspense, Action, Emotional 9 9 89 9 898989989 79999
37 - Beach Bonfire Tense, Mysterious, Dramatic, Intense 8 8 79 8 687877877 79988
38 - Aggression at Montauk Beach Tense, Intense, Dark 8 8 77.5 8 787.5989898 798.588
39 - The Beach Tense, Suspenseful, Dark, Mysterious 9 8 99 8 787979998 79888
40 - Strange Phone Call Suspenseful, Terrifying, Emotional, Intense 9 9 89 9 8989898810 89999
41 - Stranger Encounter Suspenseful, Eerie, Tense, Mysterious 9 9 99 8 789989988 79999
42 - Approaching Storm Suspenseful, Eerie, Tense, Mysterious 9 9 99 8 787.5989889 798.588


Scene 1 - Descent into Darkness
EXT. MONTAUK SKY - NIGHT

We FADE UP on the night sky. Dark clouds swallow the stars.

We hear a LOW-END RUMBLE. It sounds almost like thunder, only
it is somehow more alive. Like the growl of an unseen beast.

We TILT DOWN to find...

CAMP HERO MILITARY BASE. It is an imposing cement building in
a dense forest. A LONG-RANGE SEARCH RADAR DISH rotates atop
its roof. Around and around.

Superimpose titles:

CAMP HERO. MONTAUK, NEW YORK.

OCTOBER 5. 1980.

TWO MONTHS BEFORE THE SHUTDOWN.

INT. CAMP HERO - TUNNEL SYSTEM - NIGHT

We move down a long windowless corridor.

There is a STEEL DOOR at the end.

We draw closer to this door...

And closer...

And...

WHOOM! THE DOOR SUDDENLY EXPLODES OPEN. THE HINGES SHRIEK.

A SCIENTIST staggers out into the corridor. He is gasping for
breath. A Hazmat suit melts off his body. We can see some
skin beneath; it is burned, shredded, bloody. His entire left
arm is missing. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
2.

He collapses to the floor. Twitches. Stills. Dead.

His eyes remain open. Frozen in a look of sheer terror.

We continue past him...

Moving into...

A LABORATORY.

A DOZEN MORE SCIENTISTS lie dead on the ground.

They too, are burned; many also missing limbs. Some, heads.

We survey the lab around them. There are BULKY COMPUTERS,
MYSTERIOUS ANALOG EQUIPMENT, and most striking of all:

An ISOLATION TANK, an upright metal cylinder filled with
water. A tangle of electrical wires connect this tank to...

A METAL DOOR FRAME. The door leads nowhere; there is just
empty white space behind it. The base of the door is on fire.

We watch as this fire begins to spread across the lab.

The flames grow hotter...

And hotter...

And...

HISS! FIRE SPRINKLERS kick on.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Science Fiction"]

Summary A scientist staggers from an exploding door, his body horrifically burned and dismembered. Inside the lab, a dozen more scientists lie dead, also burned and dismembered. A large white void appears behind a metal door frame, connected to a cylinder filled with water. Fire spreads but is extinguished by sprinklers.
Strengths
  • Vivid imagery and detailed descriptions create a powerful visual impact.
  • The atmosphere is effectively tense and foreboding.
  • The contrasts between the sterile laboratory and the horror present create a significant dramatic effect.
Weaknesses
  • The lack of character development may disconnect viewers emotionally.
  • The absence of dialogue can lead to a sense of detachment from the human element of the story.

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds suspense and horror through strong imagery and the shocking visual of the scientist's horrific condition. The atmosphere is palpably tense, leaving audiences with a haunting sense of dread.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of a military base tied to dark experiments creates a compelling framework for horror and mystery. The isolation tank and the unexplained circumstances amplify the intrigue.

Plot: 8

The scene does not advance the story in a linear progression but provides critical context that hints at larger plot points concerning the experiments conducted at Camp Hero.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a mysterious and dangerous military base setting, as well as the dramatic and intense imagery used to convey the sense of suspense and danger.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the characters present are not developed beyond their immediate horror, the portrayal of their demise conveys the stakes of the experiments they conducted.

Character Changes: 0

No character undergoes a change in this scene; it serves more as a setting piece illustrating the consequences of previous actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and understanding what caused the deaths of the scientists in the laboratory. This reflects their deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the cause of the explosion and deaths in the laboratory. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in the dangerous and mysterious environment of the military base.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene's conflict is clear: the clash between human ambition and the dark forces they attempt to control, resulting in disastrous consequences.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a dangerous and unknown threat that adds to the suspense and mystery.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high, as the scene reveals the tragic results of experiments that threaten both human life and safety.

Story Forward: 8

The scene piques curiosity about Camp Hero's dark activities, setting the stage for future revelations and driving the narrative tension.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected and shocking events that unfold, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between the pursuit of scientific knowledge and the potential dangers and consequences of that pursuit. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the ethics of their work and the potential risks involved.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The visceral horror of the scene leaves viewers unsettled, provoking a strong emotional response as they witness the aftermath of disastrous experiments.

Dialogue: 0

There are no lines of dialogue in this scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the mystery surrounding the events in the military base.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, contributing to its effectiveness in conveying the mysterious and dangerous atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the intense and dramatic atmosphere, following the expected format for a mystery or thriller genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a mystery or thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a cliche 'dark and stormy night' setting, which can come across as unoriginal and lacking in creativity.
  • The description of the scientist staggering out of the steel door and collapsing is quite graphic and may be too intense for some audiences, potentially turning them off from the story.
  • The imagery of burned and dismembered scientists may be too gruesome and could be toned down to maintain a balance between suspense and shock value.
  • The introduction of the isolation tank, metal door frame, and fire sprinklers feels disjointed and could be better integrated into the scene to create a more cohesive narrative.
  • The use of sound effects like the low-end rumble and the growl of an unseen beast adds an element of suspense, but it could be further developed to enhance the tension in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a more unique and engaging setting to grab the audience's attention from the beginning.
  • Tone down the graphic descriptions of the scientist's injuries to make the scene more palatable for a wider audience.
  • Revisit the imagery of the burned and dismembered scientists to find a balance between creating suspense and avoiding excessive gore.
  • Integrate the elements of the isolation tank, metal door frame, and fire sprinklers more smoothly into the scene to create a seamless flow of events.
  • Further develop the use of sound effects to build tension and suspense throughout the scene, enhancing the overall atmosphere.



Scene 2 - Dungeons and Dragons in the Basement
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

HISS! LAWN SPRINKLERS kick on.

We are now in a 1980s SUBURBAN CUL-DE-SAC. Quiet. Calm.

A row of uniform houses wind up the tree-lined street;
station wagons and other family cars fill driveways; TV
sets flicker behind drawn curtains; a few dogs bark.

We hear the VOICE OF A YOUNG BOY. Dramatic, intense.

MIKE (O.S.)
Do you hear that? Listen...

We focus on a TWO-STORY HOUSE at the end of the cul-de-sac.

The mailbox reads: THE WHEELERS.

MIKE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Something is coming...TVsomething
Calling - For educational purposes only
hungry for blood...
3.

INT. WHEELER HOUSE - MIKE’S ROOM - NIGHT

A GROUP OF BOYS, 12 years old, play DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS.

They sit in a circle, their knobby knees buried in carpet. A
map is spread out between them, along with an empty pizza
box, canned cokes, and the all-important DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS
MONSTER MANUAL.

MIKE WHEELER, 12, is the “Dungeon Master.” He is a cute moppy
haired kid, classically good looking except for a BIRTHMARK
on his left cheek.

MIKE (CONT’D)
A shadow grows on the wall behind
you... swallowing you in
darkness... it is almost here...

The other boys lean forward. Riveted. We survey them:

LUCAS CONLEY, 12, playing as a knight. He is very small but
his loud mouth more than makes up for it.

DUSTIN HENDERSON, 12, playing as a dwarf. He wears glasses,
is overweight, not quite fat, but he’ll get there someday.

WILL BYERS, 12, playing as a wizard. Soft-spoken, gentle.

WILL
...What is it?

DUSTIN
The Demogorgon?

WILL
We’re screwed if it’s the
Demogorgon --

LUCAS
It’s not the Demogorgon --

Mike waits for them to settle down. Then:

MIKE
An army of Troglodytes charge into
the chamber!

He slams SIX WINGED MINIATURES onto the map.

MIKE (CONT’D)
Their tails drum the floor. Boom!
Boom! Boom!

DUSTIN TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Troglodytes?!
4.

LUCAS
Toldja!

DUSTIN
Easy.

Mike looks over his shoulder. His eyes grow wide.

MIKE
Wait... do you hear that? Boom!
Boom! BOOM! That sound... it didn’t
come from the Troglodytes. No. It
came from something behind them...

Mike slams a LARGE TWO-HEADED MONSTER MINIATURE onto the map.

MIKE (CONT’D)
THE DEMOGORGON.

The boys stare. Shit.

LUCAS
We’re all gonna die.

MIKE
Will, your action.

Will swallows. God, he wishes it wasn’t his turn.

WILL
I -- I don’t know --

LUCAS
Fireball him --

WILL
I’d have to roll thirteen or
higher --

DUSTIN
Too risky. Cast a protection spell--

LUCAS
Don’t be a pussy! Fireball him!

DUSTIN
Protection spell -- !

MIKE
The Demogorgon is tired of your
silly human bickering. It steps
toward you. BOOM!

LUCAS TV Calling - For educational purposes only
FIREBALL HIM Will!
5.

MIKE
Another step. BOOM!

DUSTIN
Cast protection!

MIKE
It roars in anger --

LUCAS DUSTIN
Fireball -- ! Protection --

MIKE (CONT’D)
And --

WILL
FIREBALL!

Will rolls the dice. Too hard. The dice scatters to the
other side of the room. It lands in front of the bedroom
door.

LUCAS
What is it?!

WILL
I don’t know!

DUSTIN
Is it a thirteen?

WILL
I DON’T KNOW!

The boys scramble to look at the dice when --

WHOOM! The bedroom door swings open.

The boys look up to find...

KAREN WHEELER, late 30s, Mike’s mom. Short blonde hair,
conservative blouse, blue jeans hiked high above her waist.

MIKE
Mom, we’re in the middle of a
campaign -- !

KAREN
You mean the end.

She taps her watch.

KAREN (CONT’D)
Fifteen after. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
6.
Genres: ["Horror","Sci-Fi","Fantasy"]

Summary Teenage boys playing a game of Dungeons and Dragons in a basement hear a noise outside and introduce a Demogorgon into their game. They argue about their next move, but eventually resolve the conflict when Will's character casts a fireball at the Demogorgon. The scene ends when Mike's mom comes into the room and tells the boys it's time for bed.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Creative concept
  • Building suspense
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Slight predictability in plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone, introduces the main characters, and establishes the conflict, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a Dungeons and Dragons game to parallel the supernatural events happening in the story is creative and engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot unfolds smoothly, introducing the threat of the Demogorgon and setting up the conflict that will drive the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation with the Dungeons and Dragons game, offering a fresh approach to character interaction and conflict. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are distinct and their personalities shine through in their dialogue and actions, setting up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between the boys hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and excitement as the Dungeon Master while playing Dungeons and Dragons with his friends. This reflects his desire for leadership and creativity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully navigate the Dungeons and Dragons game and defeat the challenges presented. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the game.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the boys as they strategize against the Demogorgon creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the challenge of defeating the Demogorgon in the game creating suspense and conflict. The audience is unsure of how the boys will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of facing the Demogorgon in the game mirror the larger dangers lurking in the world of the story, raising the tension and stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively sets up the story's central conflict and propels the narrative forward, laying the groundwork for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the Dungeons and Dragons game, such as the appearance of the Demogorgon miniature. The audience is kept on their toes as they wonder how the boys will overcome the challenge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between taking risks and playing it safe. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about strategy and decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions from fear to excitement, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters' journey.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, revealing character dynamics and building tension as the boys face the threat of the Demogorgon.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, suspenseful gameplay, and the introduction of a mysterious threat. The dialogue and pacing keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and excitement as the boys play the Dungeons and Dragons game. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The transition from the intense and mysterious opening scene at Camp Hero Military Base to the suburban neighborhood feels a bit abrupt and disconnected.
  • The dialogue and actions of the boys playing Dungeons and Dragons could be more natural and realistic, as some of the lines feel forced and exaggerated.
  • The character descriptions and dynamics could be further developed to make the boys more distinct and memorable to the audience.
  • The introduction of Karen Wheeler, Mike's mom, could be smoother and more integrated into the scene, as her sudden appearance feels a bit jarring.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by balancing the tension and excitement of the game with the interruption by Karen Wheeler.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the opening scene at Camp Hero Military Base and the suburban neighborhood to maintain the flow of the story.
  • Work on making the dialogue and actions of the boys playing Dungeons and Dragons more authentic and relatable to the audience.
  • Develop the character descriptions and dynamics of the boys further to make them more engaging and memorable.
  • Integrate Karen Wheeler's entrance into the scene more seamlessly to avoid a sudden and jarring interruption.
  • Focus on balancing the tension and excitement of the game with the introduction of Karen Wheeler to improve the pacing of the scene.



Scene 3 - Family Discord and Hidden Crush
INT. WHEELER HOUSE - STAIRS - NIGHT

Mike chases his mom down the stairs.

MIKE
Just twenty more minutes --

KAREN
It’s a school night, Michael, and I
just put Holly to bed. You can
finish next weekend --

MIKE
That’ll ruin the flow --

KAREN
Michael --

MIKE
I’m serious, Mom! It took two weeks
to design. How was I supposed to
know it’d take seven hours -- ?

KAREN
You’ve been playing seven hours?!

They reach...

THE LIVING ROOM.

Mike’s dad, TED, 45, is watching “CHiPS.” Or trying to. The
signal is terrible; a snowstorm of static obscures the image.

He smacks the TV.

MIKE
Dad, don’t you think -- ?

TED
(not even listening)
I think you should listen to your
mother. DAGGUM PIECE OF JUNK!

He smacks the TV again. The static flares.

BACK UPSTAIRS IN MIKE’S ROOM,

Lucas, Dustin, and Will stuff belongings into backpacks.

WILL
Does the seven count?

LUCAS
It was a seven?! TV Calling - For educational purposes only
7.

Will nods.

LUCAS (CONT’D)
Did Mike see it?

Will shakes his head.

LUCAS (CONT’D)
Then it doesn’t count.

THE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Dustin and Will bound down the stairs.

Lucas doesn’t follow. He peers through a cracked door into...

NANCY WHEELER’S ROOM. This is Mike’s sister, 16, girl-next-
door pretty. She is on her bed in pajamas, a phone in hand,
fingers twisting its cord, slender legs kicked in the air.

Lucas angles himself in such a way that he can see Nancy in
the reflection of her vanity mirror.

NANCY
I know, I know, but -- I don’t
think so -- yeah, he’s cute, but --
Barb -- BARB! -- listen to me --

Nancy turns around on her bed. Spots Lucas in the mirror.

Her smile drops.

NANCY (CONT’D)
The HELL LUCAS! GET OUTTA MY ROOM!

She leaps out of bed and storms over to him.

LUCAS
I’m not in your room --

NANCY
(into phone)
One of Mike’s loser friends --

LUCAS
-- Not technically --

WHAM! Nancy slams the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Mike pleads for more gaming time, Ted struggles with the TV, and Lucas spies on Nancy, only to be discovered.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective blending of tension and humor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends tension, humor, and conflict to create an engaging and relatable moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of kids playing D&D while dealing with parental interruptions is fresh and entertaining, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the kids prepare to leave and the conflict with the parents escalates, setting up potential future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar family dynamics in a fresh and engaging way, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own distinct personalities and motivations, leading to engaging interactions and conflicts.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions set the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Mike's internal goal is to finish playing his game, which reflects his desire for autonomy and control over his own time and activities.

External Goal: 7

Mike's external goal is to convince his mom to let him finish playing his game, reflecting the immediate challenge of balancing his personal interests with family responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the kids and their parents, as well as the internal conflicts within the group of friends, creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' interactions and creating obstacles to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not incredibly high in this scene, the conflicts and relationships established have the potential to impact the characters' lives in significant ways.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing conflicts and relationships that will likely impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reactions and twists in the characters' interactions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Mike's desire for personal freedom and his mom's concern for his well-being and responsibilities. This challenges Mike's beliefs about the importance of his own time and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from frustration to humor, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals a lot about the characters' relationships and dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced dialogue, relatable family dynamics, and escalating conflicts between characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' conflicts and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and conflicts, effectively building tension and momentum.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong conflict between Mike and his mom, Karen, regarding his desire to continue playing his game for just twenty more minutes. This conflict adds tension and sets up the dynamic between the characters.
  • The dialogue between Mike and Karen feels authentic and realistic, showcasing the frustration and passion Mike has for his game and the exasperation Karen feels as a parent trying to enforce rules.
  • The introduction of Ted, Mike's dad, adds another layer to the scene with his frustration over the TV signal, but his character could be further developed to have a more active role in the conflict.
  • The transition from the stairs to the living room is smooth and helps to establish the setting and the family dynamic within the household.
  • The interaction between Lucas, Dustin, and Will upstairs adds depth to their characters and hints at their friendship dynamics, but could be further expanded to show more of their personalities.
  • The moment where Lucas peers into Nancy's room through the cracked door adds intrigue and sets up a potential conflict with Nancy, but the resolution feels a bit abrupt and could be further developed.
  • The dialogue and actions in Nancy's room with Lucas create tension and conflict, but the scene could benefit from more subtlety and nuance in their interaction.
  • Overall, the scene effectively sets up multiple conflicts and character dynamics, but could be improved by further developing the characters and their relationships.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to Ted's character and his role in the conflict between Mike and Karen.
  • Expand on the interaction between Lucas, Dustin, and Will to further establish their friendship dynamics.
  • Develop the conflict between Lucas and Nancy in a more nuanced and subtle way to create a more engaging interaction.
  • Add layers to the dialogue and actions in Nancy's room to increase tension and intrigue.
  • Continue to build on the established conflicts and character dynamics to create a more compelling and engaging scene.



Scene 4 - Nancy Knows Lucas's Name
EXT./INT THE WHEELERS GARAGE - NIGHT

Lucas explodes into the garage. Excited.

LUCAS TV Calling - For educational purposes only
She knows my name!
8.

Dustin and Will are mounting bikes; Mike is seeing them off.

WILL
Who -- ?

LUCAS
NANCY!

MIKE
I’m not listening to this --

DUSTIN
She’s got a boyfriend now --

LUCAS
Does not --

DUSTIN
Does too --

Mike covers his ears.

MIKE
NOT listening --

WILL
Dustin’s right. I’ve seen her
hanging around that Steve guy --

MIKE
NOT LISTENING --

LUCAS
Steve Harrington? He’s cool --

DUSTIN
She’s cool. You lost your chance.
Should’ve gone for her when she had
braces and no boobs.

LUCAS
I’m playing the long game.

DUSTIN
Oh, yeah, I’m sure a growth spurt
will really do it for you, Lucas...

The boys bike out of the garage, arguing as they go. Mike
takes his hands off his ears. He can’t help but smile. Then:

BZZZZZ. The light above him begins to flicker. Strange.

Mike switches it off and heads back inside.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
We return our gaze to the light.
9.

It sputters back on. And...
Genres: ["Fantasy","Coming of Age","Horror"]

Summary Lucas excitedly shares that Nancy knows his name. Despite trying to stay aloof, Mike is intrigued when the light above him begins to flicker mysteriously.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective blending of genres
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Low immediate stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the essence of childhood friendships and the excitement of playing games while hinting at darker events happening in the background, creating a compelling contrast.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending fantasy role-playing with suburban life and mysterious occurrences is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the boys playing Dungeons and Dragons while hinting at underlying tensions and mysteries, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar teenage dynamics and crushes but adds a twist with the flickering light and mysterious atmosphere. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their personalities and dynamics within the group.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics among the characters hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Lucas's internal goal in this scene is to impress his friends and maintain his cool demeanor, despite the teasing about his crush on Nancy. This reflects his desire for acceptance and validation from his peers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to interact with his friends and engage in playful banter. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their hangout in the garage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is mainly internal and relational, setting the stage for future external conflicts.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with playful banter and teasing among friends, adding a light conflict to the dialogue.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but the hints of darker events in the background suggest higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up future events and conflicts, moving the story forward while maintaining a focus on character relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of character interactions and the mysterious element of the flickering light, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on relationships and maturity. Lucas believes in playing the 'long game' while Dustin and Will tease him about his crush on Nancy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and camaraderie, with hints of underlying tension adding depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, reflecting the banter and camaraderie among the boys.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty banter, relatable character dynamics, and hints of mystery with the flickering light.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, balancing dialogue with action and building tension with the flickering light.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow the character interactions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a character-driven dialogue scene, with clear interactions and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or purpose, as it jumps between different conversations and interactions without a central conflict or resolution.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with the boys arguing in a way that doesn't feel authentic for their age group.
  • The character dynamics are unclear, as it's not established why Lucas being known by Nancy is significant or why Mike is so resistant to the conversation.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative flow.
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, as the interactions between the boys feel superficial and lack meaningful impact.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or theme for the scene to revolve around, such as the boys' friendship dynamics or their individual insecurities.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and age-appropriate for the characters, capturing the essence of how 12-year-old boys would interact and communicate.
  • Clarify the significance of Lucas being known by Nancy and why it matters to the overall story, providing context and depth to the character relationships.
  • Smooth out the transition between scenes to ensure a seamless flow of the narrative, allowing the audience to stay engaged and connected to the story.
  • Add emotional depth and character development to the interactions between the boys, exploring their vulnerabilities, fears, and desires to create a more compelling and relatable scene.



Scene 5 - Race to Dustin's House
EXT. MONTAUK NEIGHBORHOOD - NIGHT

WHOOSH! The boys bike home.

Their handlebar lights wink in the night. And good thing,
because it’s dark out here, as in, very dark. Montauk is
coastal, but it’s more akin to living out in the country.

Lucas peels off from the group.

LUCAS
See ya, ladies.

DUSTIN
Kiss your mom ‘night for me.

Lucas flips him the bird and bikes up a driveway towards his
TWO-STORY HOUSE. Almost identical to Mike’s, a little larger.

Will and Dustin bike on in silence for a beat, then:

DUSTIN (CONT’D)
Race to my place? Loser gets a
comic?

WILL
Any comic?

DUSTIN
Yeah --

Will has heard enough. He starts pedaling. Fast.

DUSTIN (CONT’D)
Shit!

Dustin pedals in pursuit. But he’s already behind. And...

A FEW MINUTES LATER.

Will whizzes past a house at the far end of neighborhood.

He waves at Dustin. Now fifty yards back.

WILL
I’ll take your X-Men Uncanny two-
six-nine!

Dustin stops. Out-of-breath.

DUSTIN
(really bummed) TV Calling - For educational purposes only
...Man.
10.
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy","Coming of Age"]

Summary In the darkness of Montauk, Will and Dustin engage in a friendly race to Dustin's home, with Will emerging victorious and claiming Dustin's X-Men comic as a prize.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Establishing relationships
Weaknesses
  • Low emotional impact
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the camaraderie and competitiveness among the group of friends, setting up future conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a late-night bike race after an intense game of Dungeons and Dragons adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future adventures.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the boys' interactions and dynamics, setting up potential conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on a classic childhood competition trope, infusing it with humor and character dynamics that feel authentic and relatable. The dialogue and actions of the characters are original and engaging, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and actions, showcasing their individual personalities and relationships within the group.

Character Changes: 5

While there are subtle hints at character growth and dynamics, significant changes are not yet apparent in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself and assert his superiority over Dustin through a friendly competition. This reflects his desire for validation and recognition among his friends.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to win the race to Dustin's place and claim the comic book prize. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is primarily internal, with the boys navigating their relationships and dynamics, setting the stage for potential external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Will and Dustin engage in a competitive race that tests their friendship and skills. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of the outcome until the end.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the characters' relationships and dynamics, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the race outcome, as the audience is unsure of who will win until the final moments. This adds tension and excitement to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of competition and friendship. Will and Dustin engage in a race that tests their friendship dynamics and competitive spirit.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and camaraderie, but the emotional impact is not overly intense.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reflective of the boys' age and personalities, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, playful dialogue, and suspenseful race sequence that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and excitement as the boys race towards the finish line. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is well-formatted and adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure that builds tension and momentum as the boys race towards the finish line. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness and keep the audience invested in the outcome.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and substance, feeling more like a filler moment rather than contributing to the overall story or character development.
  • The dialogue between the boys feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore the dynamics between the boys further, such as their friendship, fears, or motivations.
  • The scene could benefit from more descriptive language to create a stronger sense of atmosphere and setting.
  • The interaction between Will and Dustin could be more engaging and meaningful to add depth to their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more meaningful dialogue that reveals character traits, relationships, or conflicts.
  • Explore the emotions and thoughts of the boys as they bike home, adding layers to their personalities.
  • Introduce elements that tie back to the main plot or themes of the screenplay to make the scene more relevant.
  • Enhance the setting description to create a vivid picture in the reader's mind and set the tone for the scene.
  • Focus on character development and interactions to make the scene more engaging and impactful.



Scene 6 - Encounter in the Forest
EXT. FOREST ROAD - LATER

Will is now biking along an empty forest road. All alone.

He lives much further out than the rest of his friends. It is
even darker out here and quiet; unnervingly so. Only the
sound of cicadas and a gentle breeze to keep him company.

He bikes past a LARGE METAL FENCE. A warning sign reads:

AUTHORIZED VEHICLES ONLY. NO TRESPASSING.

We’re near Camp Hero.

Will suddenly notices something strange: the hair on the back
of his arms is standing straight up. It’s like he’s in the
middle of a massive electrical storm. And perhaps he is...

A LOW-END RUMBLE reverberates above him. He looks up.

Sees nothing but darkness. Clouds over the moon.

He looks back down. His eyes shoot wide.

A TALL FIGURE STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

Will spins the wheel -- loses control --

He veers off the road --

And explodes into --

THE FOREST.

The bike flies down a steep hill and --

CRASHES. Will flies off the bike. He skids, rolls, eats dirt.
As he lies there on the ground, gasping for air, he hears:

STRANGE GUTTURAL SOUNDS. COMING FROM BEHIND HIM.

He pushes to his feet and turns to the sound.

Foliage shudders. The sounds grow. Something is coming.

Will abandons his bike --

And runs.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Adventure"]

Summary Will, riding home alone late at night, encounters a tall figure on an empty forest road, causing him to crash into the forest and flee from strange guttural sounds.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating a mysterious atmosphere
  • Setting up a thrilling chase sequence
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces a mysterious element, and sets up a thrilling chase, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a young boy encountering a mysterious figure near a military base and being chased through a dark forest is intriguing and sets up a compelling storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the protagonist encounters a strange figure, leading to a chase through the forest, adding suspense and mystery to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and intriguing situation with the protagonist encountering a mysterious figure in a dark forest, setting the stage for a suspenseful and thrilling narrative. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is primarily on the protagonist, Will, the scene could benefit from further development of the supporting characters to enhance the emotional impact and depth of the story.

Character Changes: 6

While the protagonist undergoes a physical and emotional challenge by encountering the mysterious figure, more significant character development and growth could be explored in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is survival and self-preservation. He is faced with a sudden and unexpected threat, and his actions reflect his instinct to protect himself and escape from danger.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from the tall figure and the unknown danger lurking in the forest. His immediate challenge is to navigate the unfamiliar terrain and find safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as the protagonist encounters a mysterious figure and is forced to flee, creating tension and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a mysterious and dangerous figure in the dark forest, as well as unknown threats and obstacles that challenge his survival instincts. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome and the protagonist's fate.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the protagonist faces a dangerous situation near a military base, adding urgency and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a mysterious element, escalating the conflict, and setting up future events, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements and twists, such as the appearance of the tall figure and the strange guttural sounds in the forest. The audience is kept guessing about the nature of the threat and the protagonist's fate.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's fear of the unknown and his instinct for self-preservation. He is forced to confront his fears and make split-second decisions that could determine his fate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, tension, and excitement, but could further enhance emotional impact by delving deeper into the protagonist's emotions and reactions.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves its purpose in moving the scene forward and establishing character dynamics, but could be more impactful and memorable with stronger exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds suspense and tension, drawing the audience into the protagonist's harrowing experience and creating a sense of urgency and danger. The mysterious elements and unexpected twists keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of danger and urgency as the protagonist faces unexpected threats and obstacles. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's harrowing experience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a suspenseful thriller genre, with clear scene descriptions and action lines that enhance the visual storytelling. The formatting helps to maintain the suspense and tension throughout the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful thriller genre, with a gradual buildup of tension and a climactic moment of danger and suspense. The pacing and formatting contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets a tense and suspenseful atmosphere with the dark forest road, the warning sign, and the strange occurrences that Will experiences.
  • The use of sensory details such as the hair on the back of Will's arms standing up and the strange guttural sounds adds to the eerie and mysterious tone of the scene.
  • The introduction of a tall figure standing in the middle of the road creates a sense of imminent danger and sets up a compelling cliffhanger for the audience.
  • The action of Will losing control of his bike and crashing into the forest adds a sense of urgency and danger to the scene, keeping the audience engaged.
  • The use of short, impactful sentences and vivid imagery effectively conveys the escalating tension and fear that Will is experiencing in this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Will to further develop his character and allow the audience to connect with him on a deeper level.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating more foreshadowing or hints about the mysterious figure in earlier scenes to build anticipation and intrigue leading up to this moment.
  • Think about adding a subtle hint or clue about the nature of the strange guttural sounds to create a sense of mystery and suspense that will keep the audience guessing.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or realization for Will after he abandons his bike and starts running to further highlight his fear and determination in the face of the unknown threat.
  • Experiment with different ways to visually depict the strange guttural sounds and the approaching danger to enhance the suspense and intensity of the scene.



Scene 7 - Night Terror
EXT. MONTAUK BEACH -- NIGHT

Will bursts out onto the beach.

The wind whips his clothes. Waves
TV crash
Callingthe shore.
- For Roaring.
educational purposes only
11.

MOMENTS LATER.

He races up a dune toward a house. His house.

It is small, lower class, and falling apart after decades of
abuse from the battering ocean winds. But it offers safety.

INT. THE BYERS HOUSE -- NIGHT

Will slams the door shut behind him and bolts the lock.

A shaggy mutt, CHESTER, races to greet him.

Will ignores him, calls for his family.

WILL
MOM?! JONATHAN?! MOM?!

There is no answer.

He checks his MOM’S BEDROOM. His BROTHER’S BEDROOM.

No one is home. He is all alone.

INT. THE BYERS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

Will scrambles back to the living room window.

He cups his hands to the glass and peers out into the yard.

It is dark. Murky. Quiet. A gust of wind blows and...

Day-old laundry flutters on a clothes line to reveal...

THAT FIGURE AGAIN. JUST STANDING THERE AMONGST THE BILLOWING
LAUNDRY. WE CAN’T MAKE OUT ANY FEATURES, BUT ITS PROPORTIONS
SEEM... OFF. ITS HEAD IS TOO LARGE. ITS ARMS TOO LONG. ITS
BODY SWOLEN AND BENT IN A STRANGE, TWISTED SHAPE.

Another gust of wind. The clothes flutters again and...

The Figure is gone.

Will pales. His heart in his throat.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Will, startled by noises and a strange figure in the woods, races home to find it empty. Alone and terrified, he peers out the window to see the figure reappear, only to vanish in the wind. Will remains alone and petrified as the mysterious presence disappears.
Strengths
  • Effective atmosphere building
  • Compelling mystery setup
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Underdeveloped secondary characters
  • Limited dialogue depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates a suspenseful and eerie atmosphere, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued. The use of descriptive language and visual imagery enhances the sense of fear and isolation experienced by the character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious figure lurking in the darkness of a beach at night is intriguing and sets up a compelling mystery for the audience. The scene effectively conveys a sense of fear and suspense through its setting and descriptions.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Will encountering a mysterious figure outside his house, leading to a sense of fear and isolation. The scene effectively sets up a mystery that propels the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the familiar trope of a character facing a mysterious threat in their own home. The authenticity of the protagonist's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 6

While the focus is primarily on Will and his sense of fear and isolation, the other characters are briefly mentioned but not fully developed in this scene.

Character Changes: 5

Will experiences a shift in his emotions from curiosity to fear and isolation as he encounters the mysterious figure outside his house. This change in his emotional state adds depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find his family and ensure their safety. This reflects his deeper need for connection and security, as well as his fear of being alone in a dangerous situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to protect himself and his family from the mysterious figure lurking outside. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing a potential threat in his own home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from Will's encounter with the mysterious figure outside his house, leading to a sense of fear and tension. The presence of the unknown entity creates a sense of danger and uncertainty.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the mysterious figure outside creating a sense of threat and uncertainty that keeps the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as Will faces a mysterious and potentially dangerous entity outside his house. The sense of fear and uncertainty raises the stakes and creates tension for the audience.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a mysterious element that propels the plot and creates intrigue for the audience. It sets up a compelling mystery that drives the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of the mysterious figure and the protagonist's uncertain response to the threat.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's struggle between the desire for safety and the fear of the unknown. The mysterious figure represents a threat that challenges his beliefs about security and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience through its eerie atmosphere, sense of fear, and isolation experienced by the character. The mysterious figure adds to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 5

The dialogue in the scene serves mainly to convey information and move the plot forward. It lacks depth and emotional impact but effectively sets the tone for the eerie atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of mystery and danger, drawing the audience into the protagonist's emotional journey and the unfolding threat.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and tension, with a gradual escalation of the protagonist's fear and the looming danger outside.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a suspenseful nighttime sequence, with clear scene headings and descriptive action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following a logical progression from the protagonist's arrival at the house to the discovery of the mysterious figure outside.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Will races home in a state of panic, creating a sense of urgency and fear.
  • The description of the Byers house as small, lower class, and falling apart after decades of abuse from the ocean winds adds to the atmosphere of the scene.
  • The use of Chester, the shaggy mutt, as a familiar element in the otherwise eerie setting helps to ground the audience in Will's world.
  • The visual description of the mysterious figure standing amongst the billowing laundry is chilling and effectively conveys a sense of unease and dread.
  • The scene effectively leaves the audience with a sense of foreboding as the figure disappears, leaving Will alone and terrified.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Will to further connect the audience with his fear and desperation.
  • Explore incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sound of the wind, the smell of the ocean, or the feel of the sand beneath Will's feet.
  • Perhaps delve deeper into Will's relationship with his family to heighten the stakes and emotional impact of him being alone in the house.
  • Consider adding a subtle hint or clue about the mysterious figure to intrigue the audience and build anticipation for future scenes.
  • Ensure that the pacing of the scene remains consistent to maintain the tension and suspense throughout.



Scene 8 - Panic in the Shed
INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Will rips a phone off the kitchen wall. Dials 911. But --

It does not ring. Just hums with LOW-END STATIC.

WILL
Hello?! HELLO -- ?!
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
12.

Will pauses. He hears something on the other line. But not a
voice... it is that GUTTURAL SOUND he heard in the forest.
The pitch rises and falls, making a series of strange sounds.
Words? It is as if the figure... whoever... whatever it is...
is somehow speaking to him through the phone receiver.

Behind him, Chester begins to GROWL at the front door.

Will lowers the phone. And looks back at the door.

A SHADOW fills the crack at the base of the door.

And then somehow, impossibly, the chain bolt begins to slide
open, as if drawn by an invisible hand. The metal SHRIEKS.

Will drops the phone and --

EXT. BYERS HOUSE - NIGHT

WHOOM! Will explodes out the back screen door.

He sprints into an OLD WOODEN SHED and --

INT. SHED - MOMENTS LATER

WHAM! He slams the shed doors behind him. Breathing hard.

His eyes dart. Searching for something.

The shed is cluttered and dark, lit only by a NAKED LIGHT
BULB, hanging from the ceiling. The bulb buzzes, flickers.

At last he spots it:

AN OLD REMINGTON RIFLE. DUSTY. HANGING ON A WALL MOUNT.

Will yanks it down, retrieves a few AMMO SHELLS from a work
bench, and loads the rifle as fast as he can, which isn’t
very fast at all; he is so scared his hands sweat and shake.

THUD. THUD. THUD. HEAVY FOOTSTEPS ECHO. THEN GUTTURAL NOISES.

Will looks back to the shed doors. They shudder and moan.

And then, slowly... ever slowly... they begin to yawn open.

Will finishes loading the rifle. He snaps the chamber shut
and aims it at the door. The rifle trembles in his hands.

The shed doors slowly yawn open the rest of way.

It... whatever it is... enters the shed.

We still do not show it in full,TVbut we catch
Calling - For glimpses
educationalofpurposes
it only
in the flickering light. Misshapen, withered, pale, slick.
13.

Will doesn’t fire. He just stares. Paralyzed by fear.

The hairs on his arms stand up again.

His ears begin to drip blood.

And then his nose.

He fights tears.

WILL
...P-please --

A HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING SOUND SUDDENLY FILLS THE SHED.

WE DON’T SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO WILL; WE JUST WATCH THAT NAKED
DANGLING LIGHT BULB. IT GLOWS BRIGHTER AND BRIGHTER AND
BRIGHTER, FILLING THE SHED WITH OVERWHELMING WHITE LIGHT. WE
THINK THE GLASS OF THE BULB IS GOING TO SHATTER BUT THEN --

The TERRIBLE SHRIEKING sound abruptly stops.

The bulb dims. Returning to normal wattage.

We pull away from the light.

The shed is empty.

Will has vanished.

END ACT ONE




TV Calling - For educational purposes only
14.

ACT TWO
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Trapped in a shed, Will faces an unseen creature. Despite having a rifle, fear paralyzes him as the creature enters, and he vanishes amidst a blinding light.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Creating a sense of dread
  • Mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Lack of visual depiction of the entity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and fear through its atmospheric descriptions and the mysterious disappearance of the protagonist, leaving the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a supernatural entity communicating through sounds and causing the protagonist to vanish is intriguing and well-executed, adding depth to the horror elements of the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the protagonist's terrifying encounter with a mysterious entity and his subsequent disappearance, driving the tension and fear forward effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the horror genre by blending elements of mystery, suspense, and psychological fear. The authenticity of Will's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is more on the situation and the supernatural entity, the protagonist's fear and desperation are palpable, adding emotional depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a significant change from fear to desperation as he confronts the mysterious entity, adding depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Will's internal goal in this scene is survival and overcoming his fear. His deeper need is to protect himself and find a way to escape the unknown threat he is facing.

External Goal: 7

Will's external goal is to defend himself against the mysterious entity that is approaching him in the shed.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonist and the mysterious entity, as well as the internal conflict of fear and desperation, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Will facing a formidable and unknown threat that adds to the suspense and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are established through the protagonist's life-threatening encounter with the mysterious entity, creating a sense of danger and urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a supernatural threat and raising the stakes for the protagonist, setting up further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unknown nature of the threat Will is facing and the unexpected twist at the end.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between fear and courage. Will must confront his deepest fears and find the strength to fight back against the unknown threat.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and anxiety in the audience, drawing them into the protagonist's terrifying experience and leaving a lasting emotional impact.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is minimal but serves to heighten the tension and fear, especially with the guttural sounds and the protagonist's plea for mercy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, suspenseful pacing, and the sense of impending danger.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge and engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a horror/thriller genre.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced and structured format, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the use of eerie sounds, visual cues, and Will's escalating fear.
  • The introduction of the mysterious figure and the supernatural elements add depth to the storyline and keep the audience engaged.
  • The use of sensory details like the buzzing light bulb, dripping blood, and high-pitched shrieking sound enhances the atmosphere of fear and dread.
  • The scene effectively conveys Will's sense of helplessness and vulnerability in the face of the unknown threat.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension leading to a climactic moment of Will's disappearance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue or internal monologue for Will to further explore his emotions and thoughts in this intense situation.
  • Provide more context or hints about the nature of the mysterious figure to intrigue the audience and set up future developments in the plot.
  • Explore the aftermath of Will's disappearance in more detail to show the impact on the other characters and further develop the suspense.
  • Consider incorporating visual cues or symbolism to foreshadow future events and deepen the thematic elements of the story.
  • Continue to build on the supernatural elements introduced in this scene to maintain the intrigue and mystery throughout the screenplay.



Scene 9 - Morning Desolation
INT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - MORNING

BEEEEEEEE! An ALARM CLOCK blasts.

A hand smashes it, shutting it up. The hand belongs to:

JIM HOPPER, or “HOP,” early 40s. He is sprawled on a sofa,
shirtless, wearing only a pair of worn Levi jeans. His house
is a mess, cluttered with beer bottles, cigarette butts, and
plastic vials.

A LOCAL NEWSMAN drones on a dusty eight-inch TV:

NEWS ANCHORMAN
...reports of surges and outages
across the county... we reached out
to Public Service and Gas and...

Hop sits up. A RAY OF SUN slices through blinds. Strikes him.

He squints. Grimaces. Hungover.

EXT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - MORNING

Hopper steps out onto a decrepit porch. Drags on a cigarette.

His shack-like house is perched on the shore of the beach.
The beach is deserted now; tourist season has come and gone.
It’s a bit lonely out here. But damn if it isn’t beautiful.

Hop rubs his arms. Getting cold now. Enough beauty for now.

He flicks his cigarette to the sand.

INT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - BATHROOM - A LITTLE LATER

Hopper studies his stubble in the mirror.

Considers shaving. Doesn’t.

MOMENTS LATER

Hopper pops open a PLASTIC VIAL labeled TUINAL.

He shakes out two capsules. Red and blue.

Scoops a mouthful of water. Washes them down.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Hopper wakes up hungover in his messy house. He goes outside to smoke a cigarette and admires the view of the beach. He returns inside and considers shaving, but decides against it. He takes two Tuinal capsules with a mouthful of water.
Strengths
  • Strong visual imagery
  • Effective character establishment
  • Atmospheric tone
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue limits character interaction
  • Low plot advancement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively establishes mood and character through visual details and Hopper's actions, creating a strong emotional foundation, though it lacks more dynamic conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of depicting a character's morning routine while hinting at deeper troubles effectively captures the audience's interest.

Plot: 6

While the scene gives insight into Hopper's situation, it doesn't advance the central plot significantly.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its fresh approach to depicting a character's internal and external conflicts in a gritty and atmospheric setting. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Hopper's character is fleshed out through his actions and environment, highlighting his struggles and vulnerabilities effectively.

Character Changes: 2

Hopper's action of taking the pills reflects a choice that reinforces his state but does not indicate significant change.

Internal Goal: 8

Jim Hopper's internal goal in this scene is to cope with his hangover and the loneliness of his surroundings. His actions and expressions reflect his struggle with his personal demons and the need to find some solace in his current situation.

External Goal: 6

Jim Hopper's external goal in this scene is to start his day and face the challenges ahead, as indicated by his morning routine and decision to take medication. It reflects his immediate circumstances of living in a rundown house and dealing with the aftermath of tourist season.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The internal conflict within Hopper is palpable but remains subdued, lacking external conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, with the character facing internal and external challenges that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are low in terms of immediate plot progression, focusing instead on personal stakes.

Story Forward: 3

This scene primarily serves as character exposition rather than advancing the plot significantly.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces conflicting elements of beauty and loneliness, leaving the audience uncertain about the character's emotional journey and future actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of beauty and loneliness in Hopper's surroundings. The beauty of the beach and the solitude of the deserted town challenge his beliefs and values, highlighting his internal struggle.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes sympathy for Hopper as it lays bare his loneliness and dependence on substances.

Dialogue: 4

There is minimal dialogue in the scene, which limits character interaction and development but enhances the atmospheric feel.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the character's internal struggles and the atmospheric setting, creating a sense of intrigue and emotional depth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and emotion, allowing the audience to connect with the character's struggles and the atmospheric setting.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and character actions. It enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by establishing the setting, introducing the character, and setting up the internal and external conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a cliche alarm clock blasting, which is a common trope in screenwriting and may not add much originality to the scene.
  • The description of Hopper's messy house cluttered with beer bottles, cigarette butts, and plastic vials is a bit on the nose and could be more subtly conveyed.
  • The dialogue from the news anchor on the TV feels generic and doesn't add much to the scene or character development.
  • The visual of the sun slicing through the blinds and striking Hopper is a nice touch, but could be enhanced with more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting.
  • The decision for Hopper to consider shaving but ultimately not could be a metaphor for his internal conflict or state of mind, but it needs to be more clearly conveyed to the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene in a more unique or unexpected way to grab the audience's attention.
  • Find a more subtle way to convey Hopper's messy lifestyle without relying on cliched imagery.
  • Add more depth to the dialogue on the TV to make it more relevant to the story or character.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the description of the setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Clarify the significance of Hopper's decision to not shave to better convey his internal state or character development.



Scene 10 - Morning Routine
INT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - BATHROOM - A LITTLE LATER

Hopper showers. Water pours down his weary face.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
15.

INT. HOPPER’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - A LITTLE LATER

Hopper dresses.

He yanks on a pair of brown pants... A matching brown
collared shirt... A belt with a holster... A 9MM GLOCK...

And lastly, he clips on a GOLD BADGE. It reads:

MONTAUK POLICE. CHIEF.

MOMENTS LATER.

Hopper heads out the door. We watch through the smudged
window as he climbs into CHEVY BLAZER POLICE CAR. Mustard
sides. Square sirens.

As he peels away, we DOLLY TOWARD a FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH hanging
on the wall. In it, a young Hopper stands with a PRETTY WIFE.

He cradles a LITTLE GIRL in his arms.

He looks like a different man.

He looks happy.

EXT. BYERS HOUSE - MORNING

Silence outside the Byers house.

The wind has died down. The laundry no longer flutters.

The shed is quiet.

INT. BYERS HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

JONATHAN BYERS, 16, Will’s older brother, cooks breakfast.

He is lanky with dark hair to his shoulders. He’s quietly
handsome... but he wouldn’t believe it if you told him.

JOYCE (O.S.)
Where the fuck are they?!

His mom, JOYCE BYERS, late 30s, races past. She wears a peach
waitress uniform and too much make-up. She has a Long Island
accent, which comes out even stronger when she curses.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Fuckfuckfuck --

JONATHAN
Check the couch.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
Joyce does. She finds her keys under a cushion. Thank God.
16.

She snatches them up, gives Jonathan a quick peck on the
cheek, and races for the door, only to pause at the last
second. She turns back to Jonathan.

JOYCE
-- Will? Where’s Will?

JONATHAN
Sleeping I guess.

JOYCE
You gotta make sure he’s up,
Jonathan, how many times -- ?!

JONATHAN
I’m making breakfast --

JOYCE
And I work two jobs. Only one if
I’m late again.

Joyce storms to Will’s room. Ranting as she goes.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Then how will we pay the bills?!
You think you can feed this family
working two nights a week at a
movie house? We’ll be out on the
goddamn street--
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Hopper reminisces about the past, reflecting on his solitude. Meanwhile, Joyce rushes around, stressed and frantic as she prepares for work. Jonathan, calm and responsible, makes breakfast while Joyce searches for her keys. The scene captures the different emotional states of the characters and the contrasting tones of their morning routines.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of tone and tension
  • Compelling introduction of central conflicts
  • Realistic dialogue that reveals character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the family dynamics
  • Lack of significant character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and tension, introduces key characters, and sets up the central conflict of Will's disappearance. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family struggling with financial issues while dealing with a mysterious disappearance is compelling and sets up intriguing storylines. The scene effectively introduces these concepts and sets the stage for further development.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of Will's disappearance and the family dynamics. The conflict is established, and the stakes are raised, creating a sense of urgency and mystery.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar theme of balancing personal and professional responsibilities but adds a unique twist by focusing on a small-town police chief. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, especially Joyce and Jonathan, whose relationship is central to the scene. Their personalities and motivations are effectively portrayed through their actions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between Joyce and Jonathan hint at potential growth and development as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and balance between his personal life and his duties as a police chief. This reflects his desire to protect his family while also fulfilling his responsibilities to the town.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to respond to a call or situation that requires his attention as the police chief. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in balancing his personal and professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Joyce and Jonathan regarding Will's whereabouts and their financial situation creates tension and drives the scene forward. The mystery of Will's disappearance adds an additional layer of conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing conflicting demands from his family and his job.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters grapple with the mystery of Will's disappearance and the financial struggles they face. The outcome of these conflicts will have a significant impact on their lives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing key plot points, establishing conflicts, and raising questions about Will's disappearance. It sets the stage for further developments and reveals important information about the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces conflicting goals for the protagonist that create tension and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's duty to his job and his duty to his family. This challenges his beliefs about sacrifice and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including anxiety, frustration, and concern. The audience is emotionally invested in the characters' struggles and the mystery surrounding Will's disappearance.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and reveals important information about the characters' relationships and struggles. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it sets up a compelling conflict between the protagonist's personal and professional responsibilities, drawing the audience into his dilemma.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense as the protagonist navigates his conflicting duties.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup of the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The transition from Hopper showering to dressing is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The description of Hopper's outfit and gear feels a bit heavy-handed and could be streamlined to focus on the essentials.
  • The moment with the framed photograph is a nice touch to show a different side of Hopper, but it could be integrated more seamlessly into the scene.
  • The shift to the Byers house and the interaction between Joyce and Jonathan feels a bit disjointed from Hopper's earlier scenes and could benefit from a clearer connection.
  • The dialogue between Joyce and Jonathan, while adding depth to their characters, could be more nuanced to avoid feeling overly dramatic.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between Hopper showering and dressing to improve the pacing of the scene.
  • Streamline the description of Hopper's outfit and gear to focus on key details and avoid overwhelming the reader.
  • Integrate the moment with the framed photograph more seamlessly into the scene to enhance its impact.
  • Ensure a clearer connection between Hopper's earlier scenes and the Byers house to maintain continuity and coherence.
  • Refine the dialogue between Joyce and Jonathan to add depth while avoiding melodrama.



Scene 11 - Will's Disappearance
INT. DUSTIN’S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Joyce throws open the door to Will’s room. Silences.

INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

She strides back over to Jonathan. Worried now.

JOYCE
Will came home last night, right?

JONATHAN
He’s not in his room?

JOYCE
He come home or not?

JONATHAN
I don’t know --

JOYCE
You don’t know?

TV Calling - For educational purposes only
17.

JONATHAN
I was at the dark room late. I...
I guess I lost track of time --

JOYCE
I told you to wait up for him,
Jonathan, I specifically told you --

JONATHAN
He was over at the Wheelers’ all
day. I’m sure he just stayed over.

JOYCE
Seriously Jonathan? Seriously?

JONATHAN
I’m sorry --

JOYCE
Fuck!

Joyce grabs the kitchen wall phone. Mashes a number.

INTERCUT WITH:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Joyce discovers Will's empty room and confronts Jonathan, who admits he lost track of time and doesn't know if Will returned home last night. Joyce furiously reprimands Jonathan for not waiting up for Will and calls the kitchen phone.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystery element
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly cliched or melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery while also delving into the emotional dynamics of the characters, creating a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character disappearing and the subsequent reactions of the family members is intriguing and keeps the audience engaged.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the disappearance of Will, setting up a central mystery that drives the story forward.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar situation of a missing child but adds a fresh approach through the intense emotional reactions of the characters and the use of suspenseful dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' emotions and relationships are well portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, especially Joyce, undergo emotional changes as they grapple with the disappearance of Will, adding complexity to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find out the whereabouts of her son, Will, and to express her frustration and worry to Jonathan. This reflects her deeper need for security and protection of her family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to locate her son and ensure his safety. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a missing child and the uncertainty of his whereabouts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Joyce and Jonathan regarding Will's disappearance creates tension and drives the emotional stakes of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles in her search for her son and conflicting emotions with Jonathan.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of a missing child and the strained family dynamics heighten the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a central mystery and raising the emotional stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's need for control and certainty versus the unpredictable nature of life and the actions of her son. This challenges her beliefs about being able to protect her family at all times.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through the portrayal of Joyce's worry and frustration over her missing son.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and frustration between the characters, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, the fast-paced dialogue, and the sense of urgency in finding the missing child.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the intensity of the situation, with quick exchanges and escalating emotions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting that adheres to industry standards.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, with clear dialogue and action beats that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the gravity of the situation - Will is missing and Joyce is understandably frantic.
  • The dialogue feels a bit too on-the-nose and lacks subtlety in conveying the emotions of the characters.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the emotional turmoil Joyce is experiencing, as well as Jonathan's guilt and confusion.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere and convey the characters' emotions effectively.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved to build up the suspense and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue to reflect the complex emotions of the characters.
  • Introduce visual elements that enhance the tension and urgency of the situation, such as Joyce frantically searching Will's room or Jonathan's conflicted expression.
  • Explore the internal thoughts and feelings of the characters through actions and reactions rather than explicit dialogue.
  • Work on pacing to create a more dynamic and engaging scene that keeps the audience invested in the unfolding mystery.
  • Consider incorporating subtle hints or foreshadowing to build anticipation and intrigue for the audience.



Scene 12 - Morning Chaos
INT. THE WHEELERS HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

A WALL PHONE RINGS at the Wheelers. It is chaos over here.

Mike is grabbing SYRUP from a cabinet; Nancy is eating
scrambled eggs, HOLLY, 3, is crying; Ted is watching the
morning news; and now the phone is ringing. The fucking
phone.

Karen answers. Holly squirms in her arms.

KAREN
Hello?

JOYCE
Karen -- it’s Joyce.

KAREN
Joyce, hi --

Behind her, Mike pours syrup onto his scrambles eggs.

NANCY
That’s disgusting.

MIKE
It’s good, swear.

Mike squeezes some onto Nancy’s TV
eggs.
Calling - For educational purposes only
18.

NANCY
WHAT THE FUCK MIKE?!

TED
HEY! LANGUAGE!!

Karen puts the phone on her shoulder. She can’t hear Joyce.

KAREN
QUIET!
(back to Joyce)
I’m sorry, one of those mornings --

JOYCE
Was that Will I heard back there?

KAREN
Will? No, no -- just Michael.

JOYCE
Will didn’t spend the night?

KAREN
...No. He, he left here a little
after eight.
(worried now)
He’s not home?
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Amidst the morning chaos at the Wheelers', Karen juggles her daughter and answers a call from Joyce, lying about Will's whereabouts. Mike's mischievous syrup-pouring on Nancy's eggs sparks conflict, while Ted tries to maintain order. The scene conveys a sense of hectic confusion and stress.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of chaos and tension
  • Compelling character interactions
  • Intriguing setup for future developments
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly repetitive or exaggerated in its chaos

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of chaos, tension, and concern through the interactions of the characters and the unfolding mystery of Will's disappearance. The dialogue and actions of the characters create a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chaotic morning in a suburban household, combined with the mystery of a missing child, is engaging and sets up intrigue for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the introduction of Will's disappearance and the characters' reactions to it. The scene sets up a central conflict and mystery that will drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the typical family breakfast scenario by introducing chaos and conflict. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, enhancing the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined through their actions and dialogue, showcasing their relationships and individual personalities. Their reactions to the situation add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

The characters experience a shift in their emotions and priorities due to the mystery of Will's disappearance. This sets up potential character development and growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and composure in the midst of chaos. This reflects her desire to keep her family together and handle unexpected situations with grace.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to handle the phone call from Joyce and provide information about her son's whereabouts. This reflects the immediate challenge of communication and potential concern for her son's safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the mystery of Will's disappearance and the characters' reactions to it. The tension and concern add layers of conflict to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and reactions among the characters. The audience is unsure of how the situation will be resolved, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Will is missing, and the characters are faced with uncertainty and concern for his safety. The mystery adds a sense of urgency and importance to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central mystery of Will's disappearance and setting up the conflict and tension that will drive the narrative. It propels the plot into a new direction.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected phone call and the characters' varied reactions to the situation. The audience is left wondering how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between maintaining appearances and dealing with reality. Karen tries to downplay the situation with Joyce while also worrying about her son's absence, highlighting the tension between truth and facade.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of worry, frustration, and anxiety through the characters' reactions and the unfolding mystery. It engages the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the chaos and tension of the scene, as well as the characters' emotions and concerns. It adds depth to the interactions and drives the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, relatable family dynamics, and the sense of urgency created by the chaotic situation. The conflict and humor keep the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the chaotic atmosphere. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a family drama, with clear character introductions, conflict, and resolution. The formatting is consistent with the genre expectations.


Critique
  • The chaotic atmosphere of the scene is effectively portrayed through the multiple activities happening simultaneously in the kitchen.
  • The tension between the characters, especially between Mike and Nancy, adds depth to the scene.
  • The dialogue and interactions between the characters feel natural and realistic, capturing the dynamics of a busy family morning.
  • The revelation of Will's absence creates a sense of unease and sets up a potential conflict for the upcoming scenes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the chaotic atmosphere, such as cluttered countertops or spilled syrup.
  • Explore deeper into the emotions of the characters, especially Karen and Joyce, to further highlight the impact of Will's absence.
  • Introduce subtle foreshadowing elements related to Will's disappearance to build suspense and intrigue.
  • Consider incorporating more non-verbal cues, such as body language or facial expressions, to convey the characters' emotions and reactions effectively.



Scene 13 - Mounting Concerns and Schoolyard Antics
INT. BYERS HOUSE - MORNING

Joyce tries to hide her panic.

JOYCE
I -- I was working late last night.
I’m sure he just left early for
school. Thanks... thanks Karen --

Joyce hangs up the phone.

She looks scared. And so does Jonathan.

He races for the door. Throws on a dark coat.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
Where are you going?

JONATHAN
To look for Will.

JOYCE
Jonathan wait --

JONATHAN
Call the school. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
19.

The door slams shut.

EXT. MONTAUK MIDDLE SCHOOL - MORNING

EEEEEEEEE! AN ELECTRONIC BELL BLARES.

We are outside MONTAUK PUBLIC SCHOOL, a quaint one-story
brick building. An American flag waves in the breeze.

Mike pulls up on his bike. He slots it into a bike rack.

VOICE (O.S.)
Holy shit Wheeler!

Mike looks up to find two older kids, JAMES and TROY, 14,
striding over to him. They’re staring at his birthmark.

TROY
I think it grew over the weekend!

JAMES
You really gotta get that looked
at, Wheeler! Might be cancer or
some shit!

They laugh. Mike simply ignores them. This is a regular
occurrence and this is how he handles it: with passivity.

Today, at least, it works: James and Troy shove past him.

Lucas pulls up on his bike. Glares at the bullies.

LUCAS
Assholes.

Mike shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, even though it
clearly is. But his mood brightens when he spots...

JENNIFER HAYES. Freckled, cute, with a gaggle of POPULAR
FRIENDS.

Lucas punches Mike in the arm.

LUCAS (CONT’D)
Jesus, Mike! Reflections!

MIKE
What?

LUCAS
Reflections. Use them, remember?
You can’t just stare like some
creeper.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
20.

MIKE
I wasn’t staring.

The boys begin to walk toward school.

MIKE (CONT’D)
You seen Will around?

LUCAS
No -- why?

MIKE
I don’t know -- his mom called this
morning, looking for him.

LUCAS
I’m sure he’s just in class.

MIKE
Yeah...

Mike’s gaze drifts back over Jennifer.

Lucas punches him again.

LUCAS
REFLECTIONS!
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary **Joyce** anxiously conceals her worry after a concerning call. **Jonathan** frantically searches for Will. At school, **Mike** endures bullying while **Lucas** offers support. Their concern for Will grows as they realize his absence.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Creating a sense of mystery and intrigue
  • Establishing strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in this scene
  • Some cliched elements in the teenage interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a central mystery and builds tension, keeping the audience engaged and curious about Will's disappearance.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing child in a suburban setting is a classic but effective storytelling device that immediately draws the audience in.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the disappearance of Will, creating a sense of urgency and mystery that drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar themes of friendship and loyalty but adds a fresh perspective through the portrayal of bullying and the characters' responses.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and relationships that add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the events set the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find Will, which reflects his deep concern for his friend's well-being and his loyalty to his friends and family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically search for Will, reflecting the immediate challenge of his friend being missing and the urgency to find him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the central mystery of Will's disappearance and the tension between characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the bullies providing a challenging obstacle for the protagonist to navigate.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of a missing child and the unknown dangers surrounding his disappearance create a sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central mystery of Will's disappearance and setting up the conflict and emotional stakes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the unresolved mystery of Will's disappearance.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the idea of standing up to bullies versus ignoring them. Mike's passivity in the face of bullying challenges the values of assertiveness and self-defense.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, worry, and curiosity in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters and the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and realistic, capturing the dynamics of teenage friendships and interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful search for Will, the dynamic between the characters, and the relatable themes of friendship and loyalty.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' search for Will.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and a sense of urgency driving the action.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the situation of a missing child.
  • The dialogue between Joyce and Karen feels somewhat forced and unnatural, lacking emotional depth.
  • Jonathan's sudden decision to go look for Will feels rushed and could use more build-up or explanation.
  • The interaction between Mike and the bullies, while establishing his character, feels disconnected from the overall tone of the scene.
  • The transition from the phone call to the school scene could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Add more emotional depth to Joyce's reaction to the situation, showing her panic and fear more explicitly.
  • Consider building up Jonathan's decision to go look for Will by showing his internal conflict or sense of responsibility.
  • Integrate the interaction with the bullies more seamlessly into the scene to maintain a consistent tone.
  • Enhance the transition between the phone call and the school scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Increase the sense of urgency and tension throughout the scene to reflect the seriousness of the situation.



Scene 14 - High School Anticipation
INT. STATION WAGON - SCHOOL PARKING LOT - MORNING

Nancy gauges her reflection in the rearview mirror.

She is in the driver’s seat of a HAND-ME-DOWN 1972 STATION
WAGON. “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” by Queen plays on the
radio. She fusses over herself, carefully applying her
mascara and blush, but she is unhappy with everything.

The song begins to skip. The radio signal stutters.

Nancy looks down at in confusion. What the hell?

A WARNING BELL BLARES. Out of time. Fuck.

EXT. LONG ISLAND HIGH SCHOOL - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Nancy exits the station wagon and hurries toward school.

INT. MONTAUK HIGH SCHOOL - MORNING - LATER

Nancy wades through a bustling hallway.

BARBARA, 16, her best friend, braces, catches up.

BARBARA TV Calling - For educational purposes only
So? Did he call?
21.

NANCY
Keep your voice down --

BARBARA
Did he?!

Nancy shakes her head. Walks up to her locker.

NANCY
I told you, he doesn’t like me.

Barbara shoots her a look.

NANCY (CONT’D)
Okay, I mean, yes, fine, he likes
me, you know, but not like that --

Nancy silences. There is a FOLDED NOTE taped to the inside
her locker. It is addressed “NANCY.” She opens it. It reads:

MEET ME. GIRLS BATHROOM. STEVE.

Nancy looks up at Barbara. Speechless.

BARBARA
You were saying, Nance?
Genres: ["Drama","Teen","Mystery"]

Summary In a 1972 station wagon, Nancy applies makeup while Queen's “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” plays. The radio signal cuts out, prompting Nancy to hurry into school. In the hallway, Nancy denies to her friend Barbara that Steve likes her romantically. Nancy finds a note from Steve in her locker, asking her to meet him in the girls' bathroom, leaving her speechless and excited.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Character depth
  • Intriguing plot development
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Relatively low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and tense atmosphere while also delving into the personal struggles of the main character, Nancy. The introduction of the note adds an intriguing element to the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a teenage girl dealing with relationship dynamics and secrets in high school is relatable and engaging. The addition of the mysterious note in the locker adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Nancy receives the note from Steve, hinting at potential developments in her relationships and personal life. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on familiar teenage themes, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Nancy is portrayed as a complex character dealing with insecurities and uncertainties, which adds depth to her personality. Barbara serves as a supportive friend, enhancing the dynamics between characters.

Character Changes: 6

Nancy experiences a shift in her emotions and perceptions as she receives the note from Steve, hinting at potential changes in her relationships and personal growth. The scene sets the stage for character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Nancy's internal goal is to navigate her feelings for a boy and her own insecurities about her self-worth.

External Goal: 7

Nancy's external goal is to figure out the mysterious note from Steve and navigate her social interactions with her friend Barbara.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more subtle, focusing on Nancy's internal dilemmas and the potential implications of the note from Steve. The tension arises from the uncertainty surrounding Nancy's feelings and relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds conflict and suspense, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene revolve around Nancy's relationships and personal dilemmas, especially with the introduction of the note from Steve. The potential outcomes of her decisions add tension to the storyline.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element of mystery and potential conflict through the note from Steve. It sets up future developments and resolutions in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected note from Steve and Nancy's internal conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Nancy's internal struggle with self-acceptance and her external struggle with societal expectations and peer pressure.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and curiosity, especially regarding Nancy's reaction to the note from Steve. The emotional depth of the characters adds to the impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and relationships between characters, especially in the interactions between Nancy and Barbara. The note from Steve adds a layer of mystery to the conversation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with relatable teenage drama and emotional conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged with the protagonist's emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a high school drama genre, with clear transitions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and emotional resonance, focusing more on surface-level actions and dialogue.
  • Nancy's internal conflict and emotions are not fully explored, making her character feel one-dimensional.
  • The transition from the station wagon to the high school hallway feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The interaction between Nancy and Barbara lacks nuance and depth, missing an opportunity to delve into their friendship dynamics.
  • The note from Steve feels cliched and lacks subtlety in setting up the upcoming interaction.
Suggestions
  • Add more internal monologue or visual cues to show Nancy's inner turmoil and dissatisfaction with her current situation.
  • Explore Nancy and Barbara's relationship further by adding layers to their conversation and interactions.
  • Consider a smoother transition between the station wagon scene and the high school hallway to improve the flow of the narrative.
  • Enhance the note from Steve to make it more intriguing and less on-the-nose, adding suspense and mystery to the upcoming meeting.
  • Focus on building tension and anticipation in the scene to engage the audience and create a more compelling storyline.



Scene 15 - Flirtatious Encounter
INT. GIRL’S BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Nancy slips into the girl’s bathroom. It looks vacant.

WHOOM! Someone grabs her and spins her around. It is...

STEVE HARRINGTON, 17, wealthy, athletic, charm to spare.

NANCY
Steve! SHIT. You scared me.

She playfully shoves him back, but Steve just moves closer.
He puts his hands on her waist and kisses her on the mouth.

NANCY (CONT’D)
Steve -- What are you doing...?

He kisses her again. Nancy blushes and shrinks away.

NANCY (CONT’D)
...Have you been drinking? Steve?

Steve doesn’t answer. He just kisses her some more. Body
pressing up against hers. Nancy gives in, consumed by
hormonal lust, when...

THE BELL RINGS AGAIN. FINAL WARNING.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
22.

Nancy crashes back to reality. She quickly pulls away from
Steve and hurries toward the door. Completely flustered.

NANCY (CONT’D)
I -- I have to go --

But Steve grabs her hand, holding her back.

STEVE
Five more minutes --

NANCY
I can’t -- I have Mrs. Kreitzberg
first period, she always gives a
pop quiz --

STEVE
What about tonight?

NANCY
What -- ?

STEVE
There’s gonna be bonfire at Turtle
Cove. Chrissy’ll be there, Donna,
so will Tommy L. and Tommy H. --

NANCY
I... I have a chemistry test
tomorrow --

STEVE
What’s your GPA again? Three point
ninenineineninenine-- ?

NANCY
Shut up!

STEVE
Come on. It’ll be good times.

She hesitates. Wavering.

NANCY
Can I bring Barb?

STEVE
Bring Mrs. Kreitzberg for all I
care.

NANCY
(laughs)
Maybe.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
23.

STEVE
Maybe you’ll bring Mrs. Kreitzberg?
Or maybe you’ll come?

NANCY
Just... Maybe.

Nancy hurries out of the bathroom. Trying to hide her smile.

Steve grins. He knows he got her. Hook, line, and sinker.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Nancy is surprised by Steve in the girl's bathroom of Hawkins High School. Despite her initial refusal, Steve convinces her to 'maybe' go to a party with him that evening. The scene ends with Nancy hurrying out, trying to hide a smile, and Steve grinning as he knows he got her to agree to come.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and establishes the dynamic between Nancy and Steve, setting up potential conflicts and developments in their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a secret encounter in a high school bathroom adds intrigue and sets the stage for character exploration and relationship dynamics.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Nancy and Steve's relationship is hinted at, adding layers to the overall story.

Originality: 7

The scene presents a familiar teenage romance scenario but adds depth through the protagonist's internal struggles and conflicting desires. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Nancy and Steve are well-developed through their interactions, dialogue, and body language, showcasing their personalities and desires.

Character Changes: 7

Both Nancy and Steve experience a shift in their dynamic during the scene, hinting at potential character growth and changes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to resist Steve's advances and maintain her focus on her academic responsibilities. This reflects her deeper need for independence and self-respect.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid getting distracted by Steve and prioritize her academic commitments. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing social life with academic responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict between Nancy's desire to leave and Steve's persistence, hinting at potential conflicts in their relationship.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and suspense, as the protagonist faces pressure from Steve to prioritize social activities over academic responsibilities.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics and conflicts in Nancy and Steve's relationship.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate the conflicting desires of social acceptance and academic responsibility.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for independence and self-respect versus the pressure to conform to social expectations and peer influence. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about personal agency and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a mix of excitement, nervousness, and attraction, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the tension and attraction between Nancy and Steve, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it captures the emotional tension between the characters and keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's internal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the protagonist's internal struggles and external challenges.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a sudden physical interaction between Steve and Nancy, which may come off as aggressive and non-consensual.
  • Nancy's initial reaction to Steve's advances is not clearly defined, leading to confusion about her feelings and consent.
  • The dialogue between Steve and Nancy lacks depth and emotional resonance, focusing more on surface-level interactions.
  • The scene relies heavily on hormonal lust and teenage hormones as the driving force of the interaction, which may not resonate with all audiences.
  • The transition from the intimate moment between Steve and Nancy to the mention of the bonfire feels abrupt and disconnected.
Suggestions
  • Consider establishing clear consent and boundaries in the interaction between Steve and Nancy to avoid any misinterpretation.
  • Add more emotional depth and complexity to the dialogue between Steve and Nancy to make their interaction more engaging and relatable.
  • Explore the characters' motivations and inner conflicts to create a more nuanced and realistic portrayal of teenage relationships.
  • Integrate the mention of the bonfire more seamlessly into the scene to ensure a smoother transition and narrative flow.
  • Focus on developing the characters' personalities and dynamics to make the scene more compelling and authentic.



Scene 16 - Morning at the Montauk Police Station
EXT. MONTAUK POLICE STATION - MORNING

An American flag flutters in the wind. High on a flagpole.

We are outside the MONTAUK POLICE STATION. It is quaint. As
in, really quaint. If the sign out front didn’t read
POLICE, you’d probably mistake it for a gift shop.

A CHEVY BLAZER POLICE CAR squeals into the lot.

Hopper exits. Dragging on another cigarette.

Still hungover.

EXT. MONTAUK POLICE STATION - MORNING

Hopper lumbers inside. Beelines for the coffee machine.

DEPUTIES CALLAHAN and DEPUTY POWELL look up from a game of
five card draw, their cowboy boots kicked up on their desks.

The mood here is casual, to say the least.

DEPUTY CALLAHAN
You look like shit, Chief.

HOPPER
Your wife looked worse when I left
her.

Hopper begins to make himself a cup of coffee.

His secretary, FLORENCE, 61, approaches. Pad and pen in hand.

FLORENCE
Tell your boys to get their feet
off the desk. This in’t a barn.

Hopper snaps his fingers. The Deputies roll their eyes but
oblige.

Florence adjusts her glasses and consults a note pad.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
24.

FLORENCE (CONT’D)
While you were sleeping or drinking
or whatever it is you deem so
important on Monday mornings, Carl
Blackburn came by the office, says
he saw Earl and his boys
spearfishing --

HOPPER
(won’t look into it)
Tell him I’ll look into it --

FLORENCE
-- And Terry Ives called again,
yammering on about some more
activity last night at Camp Hero --

HOPPER
Tell him I’ve seen that Twilight
Zone. No, scratch that, don’t
encourage him. If he calls again,
cite him for wasting my time.

FLORENCE
It is precious.

HOPPER
Damn straight.

Hopper carries his coffee to his office. Florence trails.

FLORENCE
Another thing. Joyce Byers, she
can’t find her son this mornin’ --

HOPPER
(won’t look into it)
I’ll look into it.

Hopper walks into his office. He crashes to a stop.

Joyce is already in his office.

And she doesn’t look happy.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Hopper, the hungover police chief, arrives at work and interacts with his deputies and secretary. He receives information about various incidents, including spearfishing and strange activities at Camp Hero. Joyce Byers enters his office, setting up a potential conflict or important interaction.
Strengths
  • Strong setup of mystery and tension
  • Compelling dialogue that adds depth to the characters
  • Effective establishment of central conflict
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development in this particular scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a compelling mystery and introduces high stakes with the disappearance of a child. The tension is palpable, and the dialogue adds depth to the characters and the unfolding story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing child in a small town police station is a classic setup for a mystery thriller. The scene effectively establishes the central conflict and sets the stage for further developments.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the disappearance of a child and the initial investigation by the police chief. It sets up a strong foundation for the rest of the story to unfold.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar elements of a police station setting but adds a unique twist with the humor and casual tone of the interactions. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with Joyce Byers showing concern for her missing son and Chief Hopper displaying a mix of nonchalance and responsibility. The scene sets up their dynamic well.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the setup for potential character development is evident, especially for Joyce Byers and Chief Hopper.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene seems to be dealing with his hangover and managing his responsibilities as the chief of police. It reflects his desire to maintain control and authority despite his personal struggles.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address the various tasks and issues brought to his attention by his secretary. It reflects the immediate challenges he faces in his role as chief of police.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with the central conflict being the disappearance of a child. The tension between the characters and the urgency of the situation create a sense of unease.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the protagonist's interactions with his secretary and the challenges he faces in managing his responsibilities. The audience is left wondering how he will handle the various tasks and issues presented.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with a child missing and the police chief tasked with finding him. The urgency and importance of the situation add to the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict of the missing child and setting up the investigation that will drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and character dynamics that keep the audience guessing about the direction of the interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Hopper's laid-back attitude and his secretary's more serious and professional demeanor. This challenges his beliefs about how to approach his job and responsibilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and concern, particularly through the reactions of Joyce Byers and Chief Hopper. The emotional impact sets the stage for the audience to become invested in the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and adds to the tension and mystery of the scene. It effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, humorous interactions, and the dynamic between the characters. The casual tone and setting draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor through the interactions between the characters. It keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, character introductions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven, dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay. It effectively introduces the setting, characters, and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the gravity of the situation with Joyce Byers' missing son. The casual and almost flippant interactions between Hopper and his deputies detract from the seriousness of the matter at hand.
  • The dialogue feels too casual and lacks the necessary emotional depth to convey the distress Joyce Byers is experiencing. Hopper's nonchalant attitude towards the missing child case undermines the potential intensity of the scene.
  • The setting description of the police station being quaint and resembling a gift shop doesn't align with the tone of the scene, which should be more focused on the urgency and seriousness of the situation.
  • The lack of visual cues or actions to convey the tension and concern in the scene makes it fall flat. There is a missed opportunity to use body language and facial expressions to enhance the emotional impact of the interaction between Hopper and Joyce.
  • The transition from the previous scene, which was filled with suspense and drama, to this scene at the police station is jarring and disrupts the pacing of the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to be more emotionally charged and reflective of the gravity of the situation. Hopper should show more concern and urgency in his interactions with Joyce Byers.
  • Enhance the setting description of the police station to reflect a more serious and professional environment, rather than a quaint or casual one.
  • Introduce visual cues such as tense body language, facial expressions, and actions to convey the heightened emotions and urgency of the scene.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the overall tone and pacing of the screenplay.
  • Consider adding internal thoughts or reflections from Hopper to provide insight into his emotional state and investment in the missing child case.



Scene 17 - A Mother's Plea
INT. HOOPER’S OFFICE - MORNING

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! Type hammers slam ink onto a police report.

A single, ominous word forms one letter at a time: “MISSING.”

Hopper looks up from the typewriter. He now has on a pair of
reading glasses, which lend him a more earnest look. His
desk, however, shatters the illusion; it’s
TV Calling cluttered
- For withpurposes only
educational
PAPERS and MUGS and CANDY WRAPPERS, like the desk of a child.
25.

Joyce paces. Dragging on cigarette. She’s on edge. So far out
she might just fall right off.

JOYCE
I’ve been waiting an hour --

HOPPER
And I apologize again --

JOYCE
A GODDAMN HOUR --

HOPPER
I understand. But a boy his age,
most likely he’s playing hookie --

JOYCE
Not my Will, no. He wouldn’t do
that. He’s not like that --

HOPPER
You never know. My mother thought I
was on the debate team, when really
I was screwing Chrissy Carpenter in
the back of my dad’s boat --

JOYCE
Will’s not like you. He’s not like
me. He’s not like most.

She’s takes another drag on her cigarette. Fights tears.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
He’s got a couple of friends. But
everyone else, they -- they make
fun of him. Call him names, laugh
at him, his clothes --

HOPPER
His clothes? What’s wrong with his
clothes?

JOYCE
Too... too colorful -- I, I don’t
know. Does it fucking matter?

HOPPER
Maybe.

Joyce takes another drag.

JOYCE
He’s just... different, alright?
Lonnie... Lonnie always said he- was
TV Calling For educational purposes only
queer -- called him a fag.
26.

HOPPER
Is he?

JOYCE
What?

HOPPER
A fag.

JOYCE
He’s missing. That’s what he is.

Hopper scratches his stubble.

HOPPER
You hear from Lonnie lately?

Joyce hesitates. This is an uncomfortable subject.

JOYCE
He was in Philly last I heard. That
was ‘bout a year ago. But he’s got
nothing to do with this. He doesn’t
give two shits about that boy.

Hopper rummages around his desk. Unearths a pen and a pad.

HOPPER
What’s his number?

JOYCE
I told you, Lonnie’s got nothin to
do with this --

HOPPER
Kid goes missing, ninety-nine times
outta a hundred the kid’s with a
parent or relative --

JOYCE
What about the other time?

HOPPER
What?

JOYCE
You said ninety-nine outta hundred.
What about the other time? The one.

Hopper removes his reading glasses. Leans forward.

HOPPER
This is Montauk, Joyce. In four
years, you know the worst thing- For educational purposes only
TV Calling
I’ve seen? You know what it was?
(MORE)
27.
HOPPER (CONT'D)
(beat)
When that seagull attacked Eleanor
Gillepsie. Thought her hair was a
nest. Was about five seconds from
shittin’ an egg when we showed.

Hopper chuckles at the memory. Trying to lighten the mood.

Joyce begins to relax a little. But only a little.

JOYCE
I’ll call Lonnie. He’ll talk to me
before he talks to a --

HOPPER
Pig?

JOYCE
Cop.

Joyce sits down. She snuffs her cigarette in an ashtray. Then
she looks back up at Hopper. Her eyes are bloodshot. Glassy.

JOYCE (CONT’D)
You find my son, Hop. Find him.

Hopper takes this in. All at once he feels burdened with a
responsibility he doesn’t want. He finds his composure,
nudges his glasses back on his nose, and resumes typing.

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! Hammer type SLAMS paper.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In a race against time, Joyce anxiously awaits news of her missing son, Will, while Hopper, initially dismissive, begins to delve into the complexities of the case. Joyce's fears and Will's vulnerabilities unfold as the search intensifies, leaving a mix of hope and uncertainty hanging in the air.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling mystery setup
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Well-defined characters
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets up a compelling mystery with high emotional stakes, engaging dialogue, and strong character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing child in a small town setting is a classic but effective storytelling device that immediately grabs the audience's attention.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear focus on the central conflict of the missing boy and the various characters' reactions and motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and a compelling mystery, with authentic dialogue that captures the complexities of human relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their relationships and personalities add depth to the scene, particularly the dynamic between Joyce and Hopper.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the groundwork is laid for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find the missing child, reflecting his sense of duty and responsibility as a police officer. It also reflects his deeper desire to protect and serve his community.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the disappearance of the child and solve the case. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his role as a police officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal (Joyce's worry for her son) and external (the search for the missing boy).

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and hidden agendas that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of a missing child and the emotional turmoil of the characters involved create a sense of urgency and tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the central mystery of the missing boy and setting up the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around societal prejudices and the protagonist's sense of duty. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about justice and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly fear, worry, and empathy for the characters involved.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is realistic and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations, adding tension and emotion to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and compelling characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a good balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a mystery/drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tense and anxious atmosphere between Joyce and Hopper as they discuss the disappearance of Joyce's son, Will. The dialogue reveals Joyce's desperation and Hopper's skepticism, adding depth to their characters.
  • The cluttered and messy desk of Hopper adds to the chaotic and disorganized nature of the police station, reflecting Hopper's own personal struggles and lack of focus.
  • The dialogue between Joyce and Hopper provides insight into Will's character, his struggles with bullying, and the strained relationship between Joyce and her ex-husband Lonnie. This adds layers to the story and creates intrigue for the audience.
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Joyce pleads with Hopper to find her son, adding emotional weight to the narrative.
  • The interaction between Joyce and Hopper showcases their differing perspectives and personalities, creating a dynamic and engaging exchange that drives the scene forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene, such as describing the lighting, the sounds of the typewriter, and the physical actions of the characters.
  • Work on tightening the dialogue to make it more impactful and concise, focusing on the key emotions and motivations of the characters.
  • Explore ways to further develop the relationship between Joyce and Hopper, delving deeper into their history and connection to create a more compelling dynamic.
  • Consider incorporating more subtext and nuance in the interactions between Joyce and Hopper to add layers to their characters and deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Experiment with different ways to reveal information about Will's disappearance and the characters' motivations, using subtle hints and foreshadowing to build suspense and intrigue.



Scene 18 - Eleven's Vanishing
INT. CAMP HERO - SUBTERRANEAN TUNNEL SYSTEM - DAY

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! Shoes SLAM tile.

THREE AGENTS stride briskly down Camp Hero’s underground
tunnel. They wear gloves, gas masks, plastic overshoes.

INT. CAMP HERO - LABORATORY - DAY

The Agents enter the laboratory. Or what still remains of it.

MEDICAL OFFICERS IN HAZMAT SUITS place bloody body parts into
plastic bags, mop up blood, and remove charred equipment.

AGENT ONE removes his gas mask.

He has slicked back hair. Piercing green eyes.

AGENT TWO
Sir, your mask --

Agent One ignores him. He walks TV
over to the
Calling ISOLATION
- For TANK.
educational purposes only
28.

He opens its cylindrical roof. A ladder slithers down into
water. A TANGLE OF WIRES and ELECTRODES float on the surface.

This tank once held someone. Something?

He turns back to the others.

AGENT ONE
Where is Eleven?

AGENT THREE
We don’t know.

Agent One considers.

His gaze shifts to a SURVEILLANCE CAMERA on the ceiling.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Agents enter a chaotic laboratory and search for Eleven. Despite the unknown whereabouts, Agent One examines a surveillance camera for clues, his determination evident amidst the disarray and grim atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Intriguing concept of secret experiments
  • Mysterious character Eleven
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding events. The combination of suspenseful elements and the introduction of the character Eleven create a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a secret underground laboratory conducting mysterious experiments adds depth and intrigue to the overall story. The introduction of the character Eleven and the unknown experiments being carried out enhance the sci-fi and thriller elements of the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is driven by the mystery surrounding Eleven and the experiments being conducted in the underground laboratory. The tension and suspense build as the agents search for answers, creating a compelling narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting, a mysterious disappearance, and a sense of foreboding that sets it apart from typical investigative scenes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Agent One and Eleven, are intriguing and add depth to the unfolding mystery. Their interactions and the enigmatic nature of Eleven contribute to the overall suspense and tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this particular scene, the introduction of Eleven and the mysterious experiments hint at potential character development and revelations in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious disappearance of Eleven and the events in the laboratory. This reflects his need for answers, his fear of the unknown, and his desire to protect others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to locate Eleven and solve the mystery surrounding the laboratory. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the mystery surrounding Eleven and the experiments being conducted in the underground laboratory. The tension and suspense build as the agents search for answers and confront the unknown dangers lurking in the facility.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing obstacles in his investigation, uncertainties about Eleven's whereabouts, and potential dangers in the environment. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene are evident in the unknown dangers lurking in the underground laboratory, the mystery surrounding Eleven, and the potential consequences of the experiments being conducted. The agents' search for answers and the escalating tension raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the character Eleven, the underground laboratory, and the mysterious experiments being conducted. The search for answers and the escalating tension propel the narrative forward, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unknown fate of Eleven, the mysterious events in the laboratory, and the potential dangers lurking in the underground tunnel system.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's duty to uncover the truth and the potential consequences of revealing dark secrets. It challenges his beliefs about justice, morality, and the greater good.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and tension in the audience, creating an emotional impact that heightens the suspense and mystery of the unfolding events. The sense of foreboding and the unknown dangers lurking in the laboratory contribute to the emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the urgency and mystery of the situation. The interactions between the agents and the mention of Eleven create a sense of foreboding and intrigue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, intriguing mystery, and dynamic character interactions. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that maintains the tension and keeps the story moving forward. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a logical progression, moving from the tunnel system to the laboratory and building suspense as the protagonist investigates. The formatting is clear and concise, enhancing the readability of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, leaving the audience confused about the significance of the actions taking place.
  • The introduction of the Agents and their actions in the laboratory feel disconnected from the previous scenes, making it difficult for viewers to follow the narrative thread.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
  • The dialogue is minimal and does not provide any meaningful insight into the characters or the situation at hand.
  • The visual descriptions are sparse and do not create a vivid or immersive setting for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to provide more context and connection to the previous events in the screenplay.
  • Develop the characters of the Agents further to make them more engaging and relatable to the audience.
  • Add more dialogue that reveals the motivations and emotions of the characters, helping to deepen the scene and create tension.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the environment and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Ensure that the actions and dialogue in the scene serve a clear purpose in advancing the plot and character development.



Scene 19 - Surveillance Footage Revelation
INT. CAMP HERO - SURVEILLANCE ROOM - DAY

An ENGINEER toggles through SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE.

The Agents stand behind him. Making him nervous.

ENGINEER
Okay, this is it...

The Engineer hits play.

Low definition video shows us the LABORATORY from last night,
only now we are back in time; the scientists are still very
much alive, huddled around that strange metal door frame.

There is a confusion of activity, shouting, followed by a
VIOLENT BURST OF A LIGHT. It looks like an explosion. Then...

HISS! Static engulfs the surveillance image.

Beneath this static, we glimpse SHADOWED MOVEMENT. But just
for a few frames. And then the static dissipates to reveal...

The scientists dead on the ground. Blood everywhere.

One of the scientists climbs to his feet. Still alive.

He staggers out the door and into the corridor.

We are back to the beginning of our story.

The video snaps to BLACK.

ENGINEER (CONT’D)
There’s nothing else. All the
cameras -- they just... cut out.
TV Calling - For educational purposes only
29.

AGENT ONE
Go back. Ten seconds.

The Engineer wipes sweat from his forehead. Rewinds.

AGENT ONE (CONT’D)
There.

The Engineer pauses the tape.

AGENT ONE (CONT’D)
Go forward. Four frames.

The Engineer complies. One frame... Two... Three... Four.

There is someone... SOMETHING... captured on the video. It is
obscured beneath static, but we see enough to know that this
is the Figure that Will saw last night. For the first time,
we glimpse its small black eyes, buried in pockets of pale,
withered flesh.

AGENT TWO
(low)
...What the hell is that...?

A beat.

AGENT ONE
Eleven will know.
(beat)
Find her.

Agent One strides away. The door slams shut behind him.

Agents two and three return their gaze to the monitor.
Frightened. The frozen video waves and undulates.

Making the figure appear to bend, stutter.

Making it seem almost...

Alive.

END ACT TWO




TV Calling - For educational purposes only
30.

ACT THREE
Genres: ["Horror","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary Upon reviewing surveillance footage, agents witness an explosion that kills scientists. A mysterious figure with black eyes and pale flesh is glimpsed amidst static, leading them to seek Eleven's knowledge about its identity.
Strengths
  • Effective use of suspense and mystery
  • Intriguing introduction of unknown entity
  • Engaging plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds suspense and mystery, keeping the audience engaged and on edge. The introduction of the unknown entity adds a new layer of intrigue and fear, setting up future developments in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of an unknown entity captured on surveillance footage adds a fresh and intriguing element to the scene. It raises questions and sets up future plot developments, adding depth to the overall story.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the unknown entity and the revelation of its presence in the surveillance footage. This sets up new conflicts and mysteries to be explored in future scenes, driving the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and intriguing mystery with supernatural elements, adding a unique twist to the typical surveillance room setting. The characters' reactions and the unfolding events feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

While the focus is more on the unknown entity captured on surveillance footage, the presence of the agents and engineer adds depth to the scene. Their reactions and interactions hint at their roles in the larger narrative, adding intrigue to their characters.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the unknown entity and the reactions of the agents hint at potential developments in their characters. The scene sets the stage for future growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious events captured on the surveillance footage. This reflects their curiosity, determination, and possibly a sense of duty or responsibility.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to identify and locate the mysterious Figure seen in the surveillance footage. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in solving the mystery and potentially preventing further harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the agents and engineer grapple with the implications of the surveillance footage and the presence of the unknown entity. The tension and mystery drive the conflict, setting up future confrontations and resolutions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the mysterious Figure posing a significant challenge for the protagonist. The uncertainty and fear surrounding the Figure create a sense of danger and urgency for the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as the presence of the unknown entity and the implications of the surveillance footage raise the tension and danger for the characters. The outcome of their investigation and confrontation with the entity could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the unknown entity and setting up new conflicts and mysteries to be explored. It raises questions and creates anticipation for future developments, driving the narrative towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist with the Figure in the surveillance footage, as well as the mysterious and supernatural elements introduced. The audience is left wondering about the true nature of the Figure and its significance.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the unknown and the fear of the supernatural or unexplainable. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in rationality and logic, as they are confronted with something beyond their understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and confusion in the audience, creating an emotional impact that heightens the suspense and mystery. The presence of the unknown entity and the reactions of the characters add to the overall emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. The agents' brief exchanges with the engineer and each other add to the overall atmosphere of mystery and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing mystery, and well-developed characters. The unfolding events and the revelation of the Figure capture the reader's attention and keep them invested in the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic revelation. The rhythm of the dialogue and the unfolding events contribute to the scene's effectiveness in maintaining the reader's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a suspenseful and mysterious genre. The use of dialogue and descriptive language enhances the reader's understanding of the events.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic revelation. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the mystery and danger.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the surveillance footage of the laboratory incident, creating a sense of foreboding and intrigue.
  • The use of static and obscured figures adds to the suspense and sets up a compelling mystery surrounding the strange events at the camp.
  • The reveal of the Figure with small black eyes and pale, withered flesh is a strong visual that leaves a lasting impression on the audience.
  • The interaction between the Agents and the Engineer adds to the sense of urgency and importance of finding Eleven for answers.
  • The scene effectively transitions into Act Three by setting up the next steps in the investigation and hinting at the Figure's connection to Eleven.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues or hints about the Figure's presence in the surveillance footage to enhance the mystery and intrigue.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the scientists' deaths and the survivor's escape to further engage the audience with the stakes of the situation.
  • Provide more context or background information about Eleven and her significance to the investigation to deepen the audience's investment in her character.
  • Consider incorporating more dialogue or character interactions to further develop the relationships and dynamics between the Agents and the Engineer.
  • Continue to build on the tension and suspense established in this scene throughout Act Three to maintain audience interest and anticipation.



Scene 20 - The Young Girl and Benny's Fish 'N Fry
EXT. WOODS - DAY

A YOUNG GIRL, 10, emerges out of the woods.

She makes an immediate impression on us: Her hair is buzzed
close to the scalp. Her feet are bare. Her skin is pale. She
wears a tattered white hospital gown spattered with BLOOD.

She is more like a wild animal than a child.

EXT. EMPTY ROAD - DAY

The Young Girl pads barefoot down an empty road.

She sees a RUN-DOWN RESTAURANT in the distance.

A rusted sign reads: “BENNY’S FISH ‘N FRY.”

EXT. BENNY’S FISH ‘N FRY - DAY

The Young Girl approaches the restaurant.

She stands on her tiptoes and peers into a smudged window.

BENNY HAMMOND, late 40s, lumbers past the window carrying
THREE PLATES OF FISH AND CHIPS. He has leathery skin, sleeve
tattoos, and a greasy apron wrapped around his waist.

He drops the plates off at a table of ELDERLY REGULARS.

They chain-smoke, speak with thick islander accents.

REGULAR #1
Benny, you hear ‘bout Earl and the
chickens?

BENNY
The chickens? What chickens?

REGULAR #2
Earl, see, he wanted to bring a
crate of chickens ‘board Mundo’s
boat, thought it’d be a fine idea
to feed ‘em to the great whites --

Benny guffaws as Regular #2 continues his yarn.

But the Young Girl is only interested in their food.

She’s starving.

TV Calling - For educational purposes only
31.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary A disheveled young girl emerges from the woods and observes Benny Hammond, the owner of Benny's Fish 'N Fry, serving food to elderly regulars inside the restaurant. Despite her hunger and desperation, the girl remains an enigmatic figure as the regulars engage in casual conversation.
Strengths
  • Intriguing characters
  • Eerie atmosphere
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear resolution
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes a sense of mystery and suspense, drawing the audience in with its intriguing characters and setting. The eerie atmosphere and dark undertones create a compelling narrative that leaves the audience wanting to know more.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing a mysterious young girl in a hospital gown at a rundown restaurant is unique and captivating. The juxtaposition of innocence and danger adds depth to the scene, creating a compelling story element.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the mysterious young girl's arrival at the restaurant and the interactions with the regulars, hinting at a larger mystery surrounding her character. The scene effectively sets up intrigue and suspense, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and compelling character in the form of the Young Girl, with a fresh approach to survival and societal interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly the young girl and Benny Hammond, are well-defined and intriguing. The regulars at the restaurant add depth to the setting and hint at a darker backstory. The interactions between the characters create tension and curiosity, engaging the audience.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the introduction of the mysterious young girl and the interactions with the regulars hint at potential character development and growth. The scene sets up intriguing character dynamics that have the potential for change and evolution.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to satisfy her hunger, which reflects her basic survival instincts and the harsh reality of her situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find food, which reflects her immediate need for sustenance and survival in her environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the audience is left wondering about the young girl's backstory and the potential dangers she may face. The tension between the characters and the mysterious atmosphere create a sense of conflict that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Young Girl facing challenges in satisfying her hunger and navigating the interactions with the regulars at the restaurant.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are high, as the presence of the mysterious young girl and the dark atmosphere hint at potential danger and intrigue. The audience is left wondering about the girl's backstory and the dangers she may face, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements and characters that drive the narrative. The mysterious young girl and the interactions at the restaurant set up important plot points and themes that will likely impact the overall story arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the Young Girl's unpredictable actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's primal instincts for survival conflicting with the societal norms and interactions of the regulars at the restaurant.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including fear, curiosity, and intrigue. The mysterious young girl and the dark setting create a sense of unease and suspense, engaging the audience on an emotional level. The emotional impact adds depth to the scene and leaves a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to build the atmosphere and tension. The conversations between the regulars at the restaurant provide insight into the mysterious young girl's presence and hint at a larger mystery. The dialogue effectively conveys the tone and themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intriguing character of the Young Girl, the tension between survival instincts and societal interactions, and the dynamic dialogue between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and moving the plot forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear descriptions, character introductions, and dialogue that advances the plot.


Critique
  • The scene does a good job of setting up the Young Girl's character through her appearance and actions, but could benefit from more insight into her emotions and motivations.
  • The introduction of Benny Hammond and the elderly regulars adds depth to the setting, but their dialogue feels a bit cliched and could be more engaging.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the Young Girl's backstory and the reasons behind her appearance in the woods and at the restaurant.
  • The scene could build more tension and suspense by hinting at the Young Girl's mysterious past and potential danger she may pose.
  • The transition between the woods, the road, and the restaurant could be smoother to create a more seamless flow of the Young Girl's journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal thoughts or reactions from the Young Girl to provide insight into her character and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Revise the dialogue of Benny Hammond and the elderly regulars to make it more unique and engaging, avoiding cliches and stereotypes.
  • Expand on the Young Girl's backstory and motivations to add depth to her character and create intrigue for the audience.
  • Introduce subtle hints or clues about the Young Girl's past and potential abilities to build suspense and mystery in the scene.
  • Work on smoother transitions between the different locations to enhance the flow of the Young Girl's journey and maintain the audience's engagement.



Scene 21 - Caught in the Act
EXT. BACK OF BENNY’S RESTAURANT - MOMENTS LATER

The Girl sneaks around the back of the restaurant.

There is a GIANT ROTTWEILER lying out front of the back door.
Its fat belly rises and falls. Rises and falls. It’s asleep.

The Girl watches it for a moment. Makes sure it doesn’t wake.

And then sneaks inside.

INT. FISH ‘N FRY - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

The Young Girl finds herself in a greasy kitchen. FRENCH
FRIES sizzle in a deep fryer. Oil SPITS. She startles.

She hurries past and pushes through a door into...

A STORAGE ROOM.

A RUSTY FREEZER hums against the back wall.

The Girl yanks back on the handle. It yawns open.

Her eyes shoot wide. The shelves are packed with FRESH FISH.

She snatches up a DEEPWATER COD. So big that she can hardly
hold it in her tiny hands. She turns it over onto its side,
studies it, smells it. Has she never seen fish before?

She bites its fat glistening belly and --

Freezes again. Listening.

BENNY (O.S.)
Sticking with Narragansett, Earl?

REGULAR #2 (O.S.)
Ya gotta ask?

She hears LUMBERING FOOTSTEPS. Someone is coming this way.

She grabs up as many fish as she can carry and --

INT. FISH ‘N FRY - KITCHEN

The Girl charges back into the kitchen. Fish in arms.

Benny spots her. Shouts:

BENNY
HEY -- !

The Girl bolts for the back door.
TV She knocks
Calling - Forover the DEEP
educational purposes only
FRYER and sends a RAIN OF HOT OIL splashing onto the floor.
32.

Benny leaps away. Narrowly avoiding the oil.

BENNY (CONT’D)
SONOFA -- !

EXT. BACK OF BENNY’S RESTAURANT - MOMENTS LATER

WHOOM! The Girl explodes out the screen door and --

Crashes to a halt. THE ROTTWEILER stands in her path. Awake.

It bares its teeth and snarls angrily and --

WHAM! Benny grabs the Girl by the shoulders.

BENNY
Think you can steal from me, boy!

Benny whirls her around. His expression promptly softens as
he realizes that this is no boy at all. It’s also not a girl
either, not exactly, at least not like any he has ever seen.

Regulars #2, drawn by the commotion, steps outside.

REGULAR #2
What’d you catch there, Benny?

Benny looks back at the Young Girl. She writhes in his arms.

He notices her hospital gown. Spattered in BLOOD.

BENNY
...I got no idea.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary A starving young girl steals a cod from Benny's Restaurant and is confronted by the owner, Benny, and a Rottweiler. Benny discovers she is a girl in a blood-stained hospital gown.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Intriguing introduction of new character
  • Mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces a new character, and leaves the audience wanting to know more. The mix of genres and tones keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious Young Girl sneaking into a restaurant and being caught by the owner is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and developments.

Plot: 9

The plot advances with the introduction of the Young Girl and the conflict with Benny. It adds a new layer to the overall story and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a young girl stealing food in a dangerous situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the realism of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of the Young Girl and Benny are well-defined and their interaction adds depth to the scene. The mystery surrounding the Young Girl makes her character intriguing.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the Young Girl sets up potential growth and development for her character in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to steal fish from the restaurant's freezer. This reflects her desperation and need for food or resources.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to avoid getting caught while stealing the fish. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the Young Girl and Benny adds tension and intrigue to the scene. It sets up potential developments and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and challenges while trying to steal the fish.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are established through the mysterious presence of the Young Girl and the potential conflicts with Benny. It raises questions and keeps the audience invested.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character and setting up potential conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected obstacles and challenges the protagonist faces while stealing the fish.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's moral dilemma of stealing food to survive. It challenges her values and beliefs about right and wrong.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and curiosity in the audience, creating an emotional impact that drives engagement and interest.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Benny and the Young Girl is effective in conveying tension and mystery. It sets up their dynamic and hints at potential conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful atmosphere, and high stakes for the protagonist.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and tense, keeping the reader engaged and building suspense effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
  • The introduction of the Giant Rottweiler and the Young Girl sneaking into the restaurant feels cliche and lacks originality.
  • The dialogue between Benny and Regular #2 feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity.
  • The action sequences involving the Girl grabbing fish and the hot oil splashing onto the floor feel rushed and chaotic, diminishing the impact of the scene.
  • The characterization of the Young Girl as unique and mysterious is intriguing, but it is not fully explored or developed in this scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Explore more original and nuanced ways to introduce the Young Girl and her interaction with Benny to avoid cliches.
  • Focus on developing more authentic and meaningful dialogue between characters to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing of the action sequences to build tension and suspense, allowing the audience to fully engage with the Girl's actions.
  • Delve deeper into the characterization of the Young Girl to create a more compelling and mysterious presence in the scene.



Scene 22 - Science Class Interrupted
INT. MONTAUK MIDDLE SCHOOL - SCIENCE CLASS - DAY

MR. CLARKE, 30s, paces in front of a middle school class.

He is magnetic, smart. Handsome too. The girls ogle.

MR. CLARKE
Who here enjoys mysteries?

All of the girls immediately shoot up their hands. Most of
the boys do too, including Mike, Lucas, and Dustin.

MR. CLARKE (CONT’D)
Good, good. Because I want you to
start thinking of this class as an
investigation into the greatest
mysteries known to man. You’ll need
to learn to think beyond your own
senses. This means using your
imagination. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
(MORE)
33.
MR. CLARKE (CONT’D)
I don’t know how many of you
watched Cosmos like I asked...
(more hands)
...You may remember something Carl
Sagan said: ”Imagination will often
carry us to worlds that never were,
but without it... we go nowhere-- “

A SHARP KNOCKING SOUND interrupts. Mr. Clarke turns.

The VICE PRINCIPAL is standing in the doorway.

VICE PRINCIPAL
Sorry to interrupt... may I borrow
Michael, Lucas, and Dustin?

Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan now step into view.

The stunned class looks from the cops to our kids.

Mike, Lucas, and Dustin stare.

HOPPER (PRE-LAP)
...So you were...racing?
Genres: ["Mystery","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Mr. Clarke, a dynamic teacher, encourages his students to use imagination and curiosity in science. However, the exciting atmosphere is disrupted by the arrival of authority figures who take Mike, Lucas, and Dustin away, raising questions about what lies ahead.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mystery setup
  • Introduction of key characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the central conflict of the story and introduces key characters and themes. The dialogue is engaging and the tone is consistent with the overall genre of the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a missing child and the involvement of the police in a small town setting is a classic mystery setup that immediately draws the audience in.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward as the investigation into the missing child begins, creating tension and intrigue.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the traditional classroom setting by focusing on mysteries and imagination. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are introduced in a way that hints at their personalities and motivations, setting up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the setup for potential growth and development is established.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to engage his students in the concept of using their imagination to explore mysteries. This reflects his desire to inspire curiosity and critical thinking in his students.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to teach his class about the importance of imagination and critical thinking. This reflects the immediate challenge of capturing the students' attention and fostering a love for learning.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict of a missing child and the involvement of the police creates tension and sets up the central mystery of the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the sudden interruption by the vice principal and the presence of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan adding tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of a missing child and the involvement of the police create a sense of urgency and importance in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict and setting up the investigation into the missing child.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden interruption by the vice principal and the introduction of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the traditional approach to education and the protagonist's more creative and imaginative teaching style. This challenges the students' beliefs about learning and encourages them to think beyond the norm.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate as the audience is drawn into the mystery and concern for the missing child.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves to move the plot forward while also revealing key information about the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the introduction of a mysterious element.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and engaging the audience with the introduction of new characters and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a classroom setting, with clear character introductions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a lack of connection between the two scenes, making it feel like a jarring shift for the audience.
  • The introduction of Mr. Clarke as a character is interesting, but the description of him as 'magnetic, smart, and handsome' feels a bit cliched and superficial. It would be more effective to show these qualities through his actions and interactions with the students.
  • The dialogue from Mr. Clarke about mysteries and imagination is a bit on-the-nose and could be more subtly integrated into the scene. It comes across as a lecture rather than natural classroom dialogue.
  • The interruption by the Vice Principal and the sudden appearance of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan feels forced and contrived. The transition could be smoother and more organic to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The reaction of Mike, Lucas, and Dustin to the arrival of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan is not clearly conveyed. More emphasis on their emotions and thoughts in this moment would add depth to their characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between scenes to create a more seamless connection and flow.
  • Show Mr. Clarke's qualities through his actions and interactions rather than relying on superficial descriptions.
  • Integrate the themes of mysteries and imagination more organically into the dialogue to avoid sounding didactic.
  • Work on making the introduction of Chief Hopper and Deputy Callahan feel more natural and less abrupt in the context of the classroom setting.
  • Focus on the emotional reactions of Mike, Lucas, and Dustin to the arrival of the authorities to add depth and complexity to their characters.



Scene 23 - The Boys' Interrogation
INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Our three boys are now scrunched together on a couch.

Hopper and Callahan sit opposite.

DUSTIN
It was me and him, actually --

LUCAS
My house is the first up -

MIKE
He takes Mirkwood home --

DUSTIN
We were racing on a bet and --

HOPPER
Whoa, whoa, WHOA. One at a time.
(points at Mike)
You. You said he takes... what?

MIKE
Mirkwood --

HOPPER
Mirkwood?
(to Callahan) TV Calling - For educational purposes only
You ever hear of a Mirkwood?
34.

CALLAHAN
Sounds made up.

LUCAS
It’s from Lord of the Rings --

DUSTIN
The Hobbit --

LUCAS
It doesn’t matter -- !

DUSTIN
He asked -- !

HOPPER
Hey! What’d I just say? One at a
goddamn time.

He points at Mike.

HOPPER (CONT’D)
You.

MIKE
Mirkwood. It’s a real road. It’s
just the name that’s made-up --

HOPPER
What’s it’s real name?

MIKE
I don’t know. It’s by Camp Hero.
Where Crook’s Cove and Kerley meet.

Hop jots this information down onto his pad.

HOPPER
Yeah, I think I know it.

MIKE
We can show you --

HOOPER
I said I know it.

MIKE
We could help look --

Hopper looks up at Mike sharply.

HOPPER
No -- after school, you go straight
home. All of you. TV Calling - For educational purposes only
35.

He looks at the other boys. Making eye contact with each.

HOPPER (CONT’D)
That means no biking around looking
for your friend, no investigating,
no nonsense. This isn’t some Hobbit
book. I make myself clear?
(the boys share looks)
I make myself clear?

The boys share looks. Worried. Shaken by his tone.

They nod.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Hopper questions the boys about their missing friend. They mention Mirkwood and offer to show Hopper. Despite their eagerness to help, Hopper insists they go home after school. The boys reluctantly agree, feeling worried and intimidated.
Strengths
  • Tense dialogue
  • Establishing urgency and seriousness
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the seriousness of the situation and establishes tension through the dialogue and interactions between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an interrogation by Chief Hopper to gather information about a missing friend is well-executed and adds depth to the overall mystery.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Chief Hopper gathers information from the boys, setting the stage for further developments in the search for the missing friend.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of fantasy literature references in a contemporary setting, adding depth and complexity to the characters' interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Chief Hopper, are well-defined and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Chief Hopper's authoritative demeanor and the boys' reactions hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his friends and find their missing friend. This reflects his loyalty, bravery, and sense of responsibility towards his friends.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find their missing friend and solve the mystery of his disappearance. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the danger their friend might be in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the boys' desire to help their friend and Chief Hopper's warning to stay out of danger creates tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing resistance from authority figures, conflicting motivations among the characters, and the looming threat of danger to their friend.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of finding the missing friend and the potential dangers involved are emphasized through Chief Hopper's warning to the boys.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by gathering crucial information about the missing friend and setting the stage for further investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected revelations, and the uncertain outcome of the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between following rules and authority versus taking risks and investigating to help a friend. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in following orders versus doing what is right.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes concern and worry from the characters, as well as the audience, about the missing friend and the potential dangers ahead.

Dialogue: 9