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Scene 1 -  Introducing Bane
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
THE DARK KNIGHT RISES
by
Jonathan Nolan and Christopher Nolan


Story by
Christopher Nolan & David S. Goyer




Based upon characters appearing in comic books
published by DC Comics

Batman created by
Bob Kane



Transcribed to PDF from:
"The Dark Knight Trilogy - The
Complete Screenplays"
Published July 2012 by Faber &
Faber Ltd. (UK)

In memory of the victims of
the tragedy in Aurora, CO, on
July 20, 2012.
FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY
T H E D A R K K N I G H T R I S E S
BLACK SCREEN.
GORDON (V.O)
Harvey Dent was needed. He was
everything Gotham has been crying
out for. He was...a hero. Not the
hero we deserved - the hero we
needed. Nothing less than a knight,
shining...

The sound of cracking. Splintering. A shape appears, in ice.
The shape of a BAT. The ice disintegrates...

EXT. GOTHAM STREET - DAY

Gordon stands before a massive picture of Harvey Dent.
GORDON
But I knew Harvey Dent. I was...his
friend. And it will be a very long
time before someone inspires us the
way he did.
Gordon, choked with emotion, gathers the papers of his
eulogy.
I believed in Harvey Dent.
And we FADE TO BLACK.
CUT TO:

Racing along a cratered dirt road, and we are -

INT. LAND CRUISER JOSTLING OVER UNEVEN TERRAIN - DAY
Three Hooded Men guarded by East European Militia. A third
Militia drives. Next to him is a nervous, bespectacled man.

EXT. AIRSTRIP, EASTERN EUROPE - DAY
An airstrip overlooking a grey city rocked by artillery
fire. A bland CIA Operative, flanked by Special Forces Men,
stands in front of a commuter plane. CIA Man watches the
Land Cruiser pull up, hard. The Militia Men jump out of the
vehicle.
The Driver shoves the bespectacled man in front of the CIA
Man.
2.


CIA MAN
Dr. Pavel, I’m CIA.
Dr. Pavel nods, nervous. CIA Man hands the Driver a
briefcase.

DRIVER
He wasn’t alone.
CIA Man, confused, spots the Hooded Men. He turns to Dr.
Pavel.

CIA MAN
You don’t get to bring friends.
DR. PAVEL
(shaken)
They are not my friends.
DRIVER
Don’t worry, no charge for them.
CIA MAN
Why would I want them?
DRIVER
They were trying to grab your
prize. (Smiles.) They work for the
mercenary. The masked man.

CIA MAN
(excited)
Bane?
The Driver nods. CIA Man turns to his Special Forces Men.

CIA MAN
Get ’em on board - I’ll call it in.


EXT. SKIES OVER MOUNTAIN RANGE - DAY
The commuter plane struggles over snow-capped mountains.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Gordon delivers a eulogy for Harvey Dent, while a CIA operative and Special Forces transport Dr. Pavel and three hooded men.
Strengths "Introduces and sets up the villain Bane. Strong dialogue and tension building. Visually stunning. Establishes the theme of loss."
Weaknesses "Lack of emotional connection with characters or plot. Minor plot holes."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I cannot give expertise on screenwriting, but I can provide technical feedback.

In the first scene, the dialogue between Gordon and the audience seems to be setting up the emotional backdrop of the story. However, there is little action or visual interest to capture the viewer's attention.

The transition from Gordon's speech to the next scene feels abrupt. It is unclear how the two scenes connect and what the purpose of the second scene is.

The dialogue in the second scene feels a bit clunky and unnatural. The CIA Man's excitement about Bane's involvement seems forced and unconvincing.

Overall, the scene lacks dynamic and visual interest, and the dialogue needs a bit of polishing to feel more natural.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improvement:

1. Establish the setting and atmosphere: Before jumping into dialogue, it would be helpful to establish the setting and atmosphere of the scene. For example, adding a brief description of the location and the weather could help create a stronger sense of place.

2. Clarify the events: The scene could benefit from additional details and clarification to help the audience understand what is happening. For instance, it's not immediately clear why the hooded men are being transported, and who Bane is.

3. Develop character interactions: The dialogue between characters is very brief and could benefit from further development. Adding more character interactions and exchanges could help build tension and create more interest in the scene.

4. Add visual descriptions: Screenplays rely heavily on visual descriptions, and this scene could benefit from more vivid details. For example, describing the appearance of the hooded men and the environment could help create a clearer mental image for the reader and enhance the scene's impact.

5. Foreshadowing: Consider adding foreshadowing to build tension and anticipation for what's to come. For instance, hints at the looming threat of Bane could help create more intrigue and suspense in the scene.



Scene 2 -  Bane Takes Over the Plane
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 10
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE - CONTINUOUS

The three Hooded Men kneel by the cargo door, handcuffed.
CIA Man grabs Hooded Man 1.
CIA MAN
What are you doing in the middle of
my operation?
3.

Hooded Man 1 says nothing. CIA Man pulls out a handgun.
The flight plan I just filed with
the Agency lists me, my men, and
Dr. Pavel here. But only one of
you.
CIA Man opens the cargo door. Special Forces hang Hooded Man
1 out into the howling wind - CIA Man shouts above the wind.

CIA MAN
FIRST ONE TO TALK GETS TO STAY ON
MY AIRCRAFT! (Cocks weapon.)
SO...WHO PAID YOU TO GRAB DR.
PAVEL?!

Nothing. CIA Man fires out the open door and the Special
Forces yank Hooded Man 1 back in, clubbing him quiet.
CIA MAN
HE DIDN’T FLY SO GOOD! WHO WANTS TO
TRY NEXT?!

The Soldiers grab Hooded Man 2, hang him out the door.
CIA MAN
TELL ME ABOUT BANE! WHY DOES HE
WEAR THE MASK?!

The prisoner says nothing. CIA Man presses the gun to the
man’s hood - he cocks the gun...nothing.
CIA MAN
LOT OF LOYALTY FOR A HIRED GUN!

THIRD PRISONER (O.S.)
Or he’s wondering why someone would
shoot a man before throwing him out
of an aeroplane.

CIA Man turns to the Third Prisoner. Shuts the cargo door.
CIA MAN
Wiseguy, huh? At least you can
talk. Who are you?

THIRD PRISONER
We are nothing. We are the dirt
beneath your feet. And no one cared
who I was until I put on the
mask...

CIA Man, wary, approaches the Third Prisoner - pulls off his
hood, revealing a dark mask with a breathing apparatus. The
eyes behind it are cold. Still. This is Bane.
4.


BANE
Who we are does not matter. What
matters is our plan.
CIA MAN
(fascinated)
If I pull this off, will you die?
BANE
It would be extremely painful.

CIA MAN
You’re a big guy -
BANE
For you.

CIA MAN
(unnerved)
Was being caught part of your plan?
BANE
Of course. Dr. Pavel refused our
offer in favor of yours. We had to
know what he told you about us.
DR. PAVEL
Nothing! I said nothing!

CIA MAN
Why not just ask him?
BANE
He would not have told us.

CIA MAN
You have methods.
BANE
Him, I need healthy. You present no
such problem.
CIA Man laughs for the Special Forces’ benefit. A heavy bass
tone is rising. The Sergeant looks out the window.


EXT. SKIES OVER MOUNTAIN RANGE - CONTINUOUS
The commuter plane is dwarfed by a massive transport plane
looming over it, dangerously close...
5.


INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE - CONTINUOUS
The plane lurches. The noise is building.
SERGEANT
Sir?

CIA MAN
Well congratulations, you got
yourselves caught. What’s the next
step of your master plan?

BANE
Crashing this plane...

EXT. MOUNTAINS - CONTINUOUS

The ramp of the transport opens... Four men leap out on
tethers - dropping towards the commuter plane, two each
side...


INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE - CONTINUOUS
The Spacial Forces react to the turbulence from the plane
above. CIA Man looks at Bane.
BANE
(rising)
With no survivors.
A Special Forces soldier spins around - an Armed Man is
outside the window. Bang -


EXT. SKIES OVER MOUNTAIN RANGE - CONTINUOUS
Two men shoot through the windows, the other two attach
grapples to the fuselage - give the thumbs up - hoists start
to pull and the tail of the commuter plane is lifted,
unnaturally.

INT. COCKPIT, COMMUTER PLANE - CONTINUOUS
The Pilots battle the controls as the plane tilts forward.
6.


INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE - CONTINUOUS
Like lightning, Bane has the CIA Man is his handcuffed arms,
legs wrapped around a seat back, The entire cabin upends.
Tumbling chaos - Soldiers falling - Bane cracks CIA Man’s
neck and drops him onto the Sergeant - they tumble down the
plane, smashing into the cockpit door with a terminal thud.
Dr. Pavel, strapped in, pushes against the seat in front of
him - the plane vibrates, trying to tear itself apart.


EXT. ATLAS MOUNTAINS - CONTINUOUS
The men climb the tail of the smaller plane as it dangles
helplessly above the mountains. Its wings shear off.


INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE - CONTINUOUS
Bane breaks his handcuffs as if they were plastic, then
opens his legs and drops down the cabin, somersaulting
gracefully and using his arms to stop himself halfway down,
by Dr. Pavel.

EXT. SKIES OVER MOUNTAIN RANGE - CONTINUOUS
The men attach explosives to the tail, then jump away,
swinging out as the tail explodes.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary CIA operative and a Special Forces team transport Dr. Pavel and three hooded men. Bane, the leader of the hijackers, reveals their plan to the CIA operative before taking over the plane by force. The scene ends with the plane being destroyed.
Strengths "Intense action, strong plot, captivating concept, crisp dialogue and theme that keeps the audience interested."
Weaknesses "The characters are not adequately developed and there is not much room for emotional investment."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is excellently written. The tension builds up gradually from the interrogation of the three prisoners and culminates in a thrilling action sequence. The dialogue between CIA Man and Bane is engaging and the reveal of Bane's true identity is well-executed. The pacing of the scene is also well done, with quick cuts between the action in the cabin and the men outside the plane. Overall, this scene is a great example of how to capture the audience's attention and keep them engaged.
Suggestions 1. Build tension and suspense: The scene could benefit from some more tension-building moments before the explosive climax, as it sets up a significant plot point in the film. For instance, the pilot could struggle with the control panel as one engine fails, and the plane could start shaking uncontrollably.

2. Character development: The characters in the scene are almost exclusively defined by their roles - CIA Man, Dr. Pavel, the Hooded Men, and Bane. Developing their personalities and motivations could add depth and complexity to the scene.

3. More visual description: The scene could benefit from more visual description and detail to help the reader picture the events unfolding. For instance, describing the wind and cold air rushing past the Hooded Men as they are held outside the plane could create a more vivid scene, and improve the pacing.

4. Dialogue: The dialogue could be more natural and nuanced, reflecting the distinct voices of each character. Making the language feel less stilted and more conversational will help enhance realism and characterisation.



Scene 3 -  The Plane Hijacking
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE - CONTINUOUS
An explosion takes off the rear door of the cabin - the
Armed Men drop through the smoke on cables.
A body bag is lowered into the cabin. Bane lies it on the
seat backs next to Dr. Pavel and unzips it to reveal a body
the same age and build as Dr. Pavel.

Bane rips Dr. Pavel’s sleeve - pulls out a length of
surgical tubing - pushes a needle into Dr. Pavel’s arm -
runs the tube to the body’s arm... Dr. Pavel watches,
horrified, as Bane starts compressions on the body’s chest,
drawing Dr. Pavel’s blood across the tube and into the
body...

An Armed Man pulls Hooded Man 1 up through the cabin and
out. Bane stops Hooded Man 2.
7.


BANE
Friend. They expect one of us in
the wreckage.
The man nods, unhooks himself, takes Bane’s arm.

HOODED MAN 2
Have we started the fire?
BANE
(nods)
The fire rises.
Hooded Man 2 hands Bane his line. Bane clips it around Dr.
Pavel, takes out a knife and cuts Dr. Pavel’s seat belt. Dr.
Pavel panics, flails. Bane takes his arms. Gentle.

BANE
Calm, Doctor. Now is not time for
fear...
Bane slides Dr. Pavel out of his seat. They hang in the
vertical, windblown cabin. Bane takes out a detonator.

BANE
That comes later.
Bane presses the detonator - the cabin drops from around
them, revealing the terrifying drop to the peaks below. Dr.
Pavel screams as they are hoisted up towards the transport,
and we -
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Bane and his armed men infiltrate a CIA plane and take Dr. Pavel, along with three hooded men, hostage. Bane then uses Dr. Pavel's blood to create a decoy body, while also revealing their plans to the CIA operative. The scene ends with the hijackers destroying the plane.
Strengths
  • Tense and suspenseful atmosphere
  • Smooth and efficient introduction of the main antagonist, Bane
Weaknesses
  • The use of Dr. Pavel's blood to create a decoy body seems far-fetched
Critique Overall, this scene is very well-written and intense, with some unexpected twists and turns. The use of visual and sensory detail adds to the tension and suspense, and the dialogue is sharp and effective in conveying the characters' motivations and emotions.

However, there are a few areas where this scene could be improved. Firstly, the action does not always feel entirely clear or believable - for example, it's unclear how the surgical tubing and blood transfer is supposed to work, and Bane's ability to perform CPR and other medical procedures without any visible medical training seems unlikely. Additionally, the motivations and backgrounds of the characters, particularly the Hooded Men, are not well-established, which makes it harder to fully engage with the story and understand why they are doing what they are doing.

Overall, while this scene is strong in terms of its atmosphere and pacing, it could benefit from more clarity and detail in some of the action, as well as more fully-developed characterizations for all of the players involved.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I have to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the purpose and stakes of the scene: The scene starts with an explosion and armed men dropping into the cabin, which creates tension, but it's not immediately clear why they're doing this or what the stakes are for the characters involved. Adding more context earlier in the scene, or foreshadowing the events to come in the previous scenes, could help build the tension and make the audience invested in what's happening.

2. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the dialogue in this scene comes across as stilted or overly expositional, which can take the audience out of the moment. Finding ways to convey information or motivations through character actions or subtext could make the scene feel more organic.

3. Add more visual description: While there are some strong visual elements in this scene (such as the vertical shot of the cabin dropping), there could be more description of the surroundings and the characters' actions to make the scene feel more immersive. Fleshing out details like the lighting, sound effects, or camera angles could make the scene more vivid and engaging.

4. Establish character motivations: While Bane's motivation is hinted at with his line "the fire rises," it's not clear why he's doing what he's doing, or why the other characters are helping him. Giving more insight into the characters' motivations and desires could make the scene more compelling and help the audience understand why they should care about what's happening.



Scene 4 -  Harvey Dent Day Speech
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. GOTHAM - EVENING
Drifting over the vast city...
MAYOR (V.O.)
Harvey Dent Day may not be our
oldest public holiday...
...moving past the enormous Gotham Bridge...
MAYOR (V.O.)
But we’re here tonight because it’s
one of the most important...
...over the Gotham river to the Palisades on the far side...
8.


MAYOR (V.O.)
Harvey Dent’s uncompromising stand
against organized crime and, yes,
ultimately, his sacrifice, have
made Gotham a safer place than it
was at the time of his death, eight
years ago...
...finding a party in the grounds of Wayne Manor. The Mayor
addresses the wealthy and powerful of Gotham.

MAYOR
This city has seen a historic
turnaround. No city is without
crime. But this city is without
organized crime because the Dent
Act gave law enforcement teeth in
its fight against the mob. Now
people are talking about repealing
the Dent Act. And to them I
say...not on my watch.
Enthusiastic applause as the Mayor wraps up.
I want to thank the Wayne
Foundation for hosting this event.
I’m told Mr. Wayne couldn’t be here
tonight, but I’m sure he’s with us
in spirit...

High above, on a darkened balcony, a lone figure. Watching.
MAYOR (O.S)
Now I’m going to give way to an
important voice...

Down below at the bar, Commissioner Gordon examines some
sheets of densely written paper. A Congressman muscles in.
CONGRESSMAN
Commissioner.

GORDON
Congressman.
CONGRESSMAN
Ever lay eyes on Wayne at one of
these things?
Gordon shakes his head. Gordon’s Deputy Commissioner, Foley,
cuts in.
9.


FOLEY
No one has. Not in years.
MAYOR (O.S)
He can tell you about the bad old
days, when the criminals and
corrupt ran this town with such a
tight grasp that people put their
faith in a murderous thug in a mask
and a cape. A thug who showed his
true nature when he betrayed the
trust of this great man - (Turns to
picture of Dent.) And murdered him
in cold blood.
The Congressman watches a tray of canapés breeze past, then
grabs the ass of the maid carrying them. She freezes.

CONGRESSMAN
Sweetheart, not so fast with the
chow.
MAID
(turns, tight smile)
Shrimp balls?
The Congressman grabs two. The Maid moves off. The
Congressman glances down at Gordon’s papers.

MAYOR (O.S)
Jim Gordon can tell you the truth
about Harvey Dent...
CONGRESSMAN
Jesus, Gordon, is that your speech?
We’re gonna be here all night.
GORDON
Maybe the truth about Harvey isn’t
so simple, Congressman.

MAYOR (O.S)
But I’ll let him tell you himself -
Commissioner Gordon?
Applause. Gordon approaches the mike. Looks down at his long
speech. Thinks.
GORDON
The truth...?
INSERT CUT: Harvey Dent, face half destroyed, threatens
Gordon’s son with a handgun.
10.


Gordon surveys the audience. Deciding.
I have written a speech telling the
truth about Harvey Dent...
Gordon folds up his speech.
Maybe the time isn’t right...
Gordon stuffs the papers inside his jacket. The Congressman
mutters under his breath.
CONGRESSMAN
Thank Christ for that...
GORDON
Maybe right now all you need to
know is that there are a thousand
inmates in Blackgate Prison as a
direct result of the Dent Act.
These are violent criminals,
essential cogs in the organized
crime machine that terrorized
Gotham for so long. Maybe, for now,
all I should say about Harvey
Dent’s death is this...it has not
been for nothing.
The figure on the balcony turns back into the mansion.
People clap as Gordon leaves the mike. Gordon approaches
Foley.

GORDON
The second shift reports in?
FOLEY
On your desk. But you should put in
some more time with the Mayor -
GORDON
That’s your department.

Gordon heads for the line of town cars in the gravel drive.
CONGRESSMAN
Anyone shown him the crime stats?
FOLEY
He goes by his gut, and it
continues to bother him, whatever
the numbers.
CONGRESSMAN
Must be popular with the wife.
11.


FOLEY
Not really. She took the kids and
moved to Cleveland.
CONGRESSMAN
He’ll have plenty of time for
visits. Mayor’s dumping him in the
spring.
FOLEY
Really? He’s a hero.

CONGRESSMAN
War hero. This is peacetime. Stay
smart, the job’s yours.


INT. KITCHENS, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER
Our Maid dives into the bustle of Wayne Manor below stairs -
Caterers and Maids, Wait Staff. She overhears another Maid.
MAID 2
They say he never leaves the East
Wing.
MAID 3
I heard he had an accident - that
he’s disfigured.

The other Maids signal her to be quiet. All the chatter has
died. Alfred has entered the kitchen.
ALFRED
Mr. Till, why are your people using
the main stairs?
Alfred places a glass of water on a tray next to a covered
plate. Picks up the tray, looks around the chaotic kitchen.

ALFRED
Where’s Mrs. Bolton?
MAID
She’s up at the bar, sir. Can I
help?

Alfred looks at the Maid. Hands her a key and the tray.
ALFRED
The East drawing room. Unlock the
door, place the tray on the table,
lock the door again. Nothing more.
12.


The Maid nods. Takes the tray.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Commissioner Gordon attends a Harvey Dent celebration and considers telling the truth about Dent's downfall, while Bane and his men hijack a CIA plane and take Dr. Pavel and three hostages.
Strengths "Good setup of the two parallel storylines, with tension building in both scenes."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels a bit forced, and the scene is mostly exposition."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively introduces the setting, the characters, and the political situation in Gotham. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved:

1. Too much exposition through dialogue: The Mayor's speech and Gordon's conversation with the Congressman feel like exposition dumps rather than natural conversations. The information could be revealed more organically through actions, reactions, and visuals. For example, showing the aftermath of the Dent Act and its impact on the city through news clippings or scenes of Gotham's streets could convey the same information without relying solely on dialogue.

2. Lack of character development: The scene introduces many characters, but only Gordon receives any significant development or screentime. The Congressman and Foley feel like generic political figures with no distinguishing traits or personalities. The Mayor is given a few lines, but we don't learn much about him. The lone figure on the balcony is mysterious but remains undeveloped. More time could be spent fleshing out these characters and their relationships to each other.

3. Lack of tension: While there are hints of conflict, such as the potential repeal of the Dent Act and Gordon's hesitation to give his speech, there is no active conflict or build-up of tension in the scene. There is also no clear protagonist or antagonist. Adding a clear goal for a character or introducing a threat to Gotham could heighten the stakes and make the scene more engaging.

Overall, the scene shows promise but could use some refinement to make it more compelling and character-driven.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest the following improvements for this scene:

1. Show, don't tell: Instead of the Mayor's voiceover explaining Harvey Dent Day, show the holiday being celebrated throughout the city. Show people wearing badges and carrying banners, show a festival atmosphere. This will make it more engaging and will allow the audience to experience the significance of the event.

2. Use visual storytelling: Instead of relying on dialogue to convey information about the Dent Act, use visual storytelling to show its impact on Gotham. Show crime rates dropping, show people and businesses feeling safer, show a before-and-after comparison of the city's landscape. This will make it more impactful and will help build tension when the act is threatened later in the film.

3. Use character interactions to reveal information: Instead of having the Congressman read Gordon's speech and talk about the crime stats, have Gordon and Foley discuss it while looking at the papers. This will make it more natural and will help develop their relationship and characters.

4. Build suspense: Instead of showing Dent threatening Gordon's son in an insert cut, build suspense by having Gordon hesitate before deciding not to reveal the truth about Dent. This will make the audience wonder what the truth is and will make the eventual reveal more impactful.

5. Cut unnecessary dialogue: Remove the conversation between the maids about the disfigured figure in the East Wing. This adds nothing to the plot and distracts from the more important scenes.



Scene 5 -  A Robbery at Wayne Manor
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER
Following the Maid through the empty house. She comes to the
large oak door to the East Wing. Unlocks it...

INT. DRAWING ROOM, EAST WING, WAYNE MANOR - CONTINUOUS
The room is dark, quiet. The Maid places the tray on the
table. She looks at the inner door opposite. It is ajar...

INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - CONTINUOUS

Alfred talks to an elegant woman, thirties, Miranda Tate.
ALFRED
I’m sorry, Miss Tate, but I’ve
tried. He won’t see you.

MIRANDA
It’s important, Mr. Pennyworth.
Her accent is European. Hard to place.
ALFRED
Mr. Wayne is as determined to
ignore important things as trivial
ones.
MALE VOICE (O.S.)
Don’t take it personally, Miranda.

They turn to see a man in his fifties. Daggett.
DAGGETT
Everyone knows Wayne’s holed up in
there with eight-inch nails, peeing
into Mason jars. (To Alfred.) Good
of you to let me on the grounds.
ALFRED
The Dent Act is about all Gotham.
Even you, Mr. Daggett. Miss Tate,
always a pleasure.
Alfred turns and walks off. Daggett smiles, glib.
13.


DAGGETT
Why waste your time talking to the
man who threw away your investment
on some save-the-world vanity
project? He can’t help you get your
money back. But I can.
MIRANDA
I could try explaining that a
save-the-world project, vain or
not, is worth investing in,
whatever the return. I could try,
Mr. Daggett, but you understand
only money and the power you think
it buys, so why waste my time,
indeed?

She walks away. Daggett watches her go.

INT. DRAWING ROOM, EAST WING, WAYNE MANOR - CONTINUOUS
Close on the dinner tray. We hear a labored step approach.
Bruce Wayne appears, leaning on a cane. Gaunt. Grey temples.
He lifts the lid of his dinner, then freezes, hearing
something. He slowly limps into the next room...

INT. SITTING ROOM, EAST WING, WAYNE MANOR, CONTINUOUS

The Maid looks at framed photographs of Rachel, Thomas and
Martha Wayne. Some are half-burned. She notices an archery
target, arrows stuck in it. She reaches out. WHAM! An arrow
sticks into the target - the Maid spins around, flustered.
Wayne, at the other end of the long room, lowers a composite
bow. Picks up his cane.
MAID
I’m, I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Wayne.
It is Mr. Wayne, isn’t it?

Wayne nods, gently. Limps towards her.
MAID
Although you don’t have the long
nails... (Nervous laugh.) Or facial
scars...
She trails off, embarrassed. Coy. She seems very young.
WAYNE
Is that what they say about me?
14.

MAID
It’s just that...nobody sees you...

Wayne approaches slowly. He nods at her pearl necklace.
WAYNE
That’s a beautiful necklace.
Reminds me of the one that belonged
to my mother. It can’t be the same
one - her pearls are in this safe -
He reaches out with his cane to press open a panel on the
bureau, revealing a safe door...
- which the manufacturer clearly
explained is uncrackable.

...which swings open with an awkward creak.
MAID
Oops. No one told me it was
uncrackable.

The Maid suddenly seems more confident. Older.
WAYNE
I’m afraid I can’t let you take
those.

She smiles at him. Moves towards him.
MAID
Look, you wouldn’t hit a woman any
more than I would beat up a
cripple.
She kicks his cane from under him, smashes him down.
Of course, sometimes exceptions
have to be made.

The Maid vaults onto the bureau and up to a high window.
Goodnight, Mr. Wayne.
She flips backwards through the window. Wayne smiles, then
rocks forward on his good leg and rises with athletic grace.
He looks at the safe, notices something. Powder...

EXT. DRIVE, WAYNE MANOR - CONTINUOUS
Moving toward the line of town cars, the Maid pulls off her
white apron, cuffs and collar, leaving a black dress and
pearls. A Valet hurries to open a car door for her - she
slips into a town car...beside the Congressman.
15.


MAID
Can I have a ride?
The Congressman, a little tipsy, looks at her hungrily.
CONGRESSMAN
You read my mind.

INT. EAST WING, WAYNE MANOR - LATER

Alfred enters, to find Wayne kneeling at the safe.
ALFRED
Miss Tate was asking to see you
again.

WAYNE
She’s very persistent.
ALFRED
And quite lovely, in case you were
wondering.

WAYNE
I wasn’t.
ALFRED
What are you doing?

WAYNE
Examining print dust. We’ve been
robbed.
ALFRED
And this is your idea of raising
the alarm?
WAYNE
(shrugs)
She took the pearls. Tracking
device and all.
ALFRED
She?

WAYNE
One of the maids, perhaps you
should stop letting them in this
side of the house.
16.


ALFRED
Perhaps you should learn to make
your own bed, then. Why are you
dusting for prints?

WAYNE
I’m not. She was.
Genres: ["Mystery","Drama"]

Summary Wayne Manor is robbed by a maid and Bruce Wayne investigates. Meanwhile, Miranda Tate tries to meet with Bruce while Daggett attempts to convince her to work with him.
Strengths "The scene establishes Bruce's investigative nature and showcases his physical ability despite his injury. The dialogue between Miranda and Daggett is sharp."
Weaknesses "Not much happens in this scene and it feels disconnected from the overall plot."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue is smooth and captures the characters' personalities effectively. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

- The scene relies heavily on exposition and dialogue to establish the characters and their relationships. While this is necessary to some extent, it could benefit from more visual storytelling to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
- The Maid's sudden change in demeanor feels abrupt and not fully justified by the scene. It could benefit from more context or development.
- The ending of the scene is a bit anticlimactic since we already know the Maid has stolen the pearls. It could benefit from more tension or a twist to make the scene more memorable.

Overall, the scene could be improved with more visual storytelling and a stronger ending.
Suggestions 1. More action and urgency could be added to the scene in the Drawing Room. As it is now, it feels a bit stagnant and slow.
2. Consider adding more physical descriptions for characters, especially for Bruce Wayne. This helps the reader envision the scene and understand the characters better.
3. The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable. Try to find ways to make it more interesting and unique to each character so they don't all sound the same.
4. Consider adding more visual details to enhance the setting of Wayne Manor, such as the architecture or decor.
5. Add more conflict and tension between characters, especially between Wayne and Miranda Tate. As it is now, their interaction falls flat.



Scene 6 -  Gordon and Blake on the Rooftop
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
EXT. ROOFTOP, MAJOR CRIMES UNIT - CONTINUOUS

Gordon brings a stack of files against the air duct, settles
to read. Next to him is a rusty, broken searchlight.
YOUNG VOICE (O.S.)
Sir?

A young Cop is standing there. This is Blake.
BLAKE
I didn’t want to bother you up
here, but they’re looking for you.

GORDON
What’s the problem, son?
BLAKE
Congressman Gilly’s wife’s been
calling. He hasn’t made it home
from the Wayne Foundation event.
GORDON
That’s a job for the police?
BLAKE
Sir, I’ve been a cop for a year and
I’ve only logged half a dozen
arrests. When you and Dent cleaned
the streets you cleaned ’em good.
Pretty soon we’ll be chasing
overdue library books.
Gordon smiles at this. Blake looks at his stack of files.
BLAKE
But here you are. Like we’re still
at war...
GORDON
Old habits.
17.


BLAKE
Or instinct.
GORDON
What’s your name, son?

BLAKE
Blake, sir.
GORDON
You have something you want to ask
me, Officer Blake?
BLAKE
It’s that night. This night, eight
years ago. The night Dent died.

GORDON
What about it?
BLAKE
The last confirmed sighting of the
Batman. He murders those people,
takes out two SWAT teams, breaks
Dent’s neck...then just vanishes?
GORDON
I’m not hearing a question, son.

Blake shifts uneasily. Then looks at Gordon.
BLAKE
Don’t you want to know who we was?
Gordon turns to look at the broken searchlight. He brushes
his fingers across its rusted shell.
GORDON
I know exactly who he was. (Turns
to Blake.) He was Batman.

Gordon walks past Blake, heading for the stairs.
GORDON (O.S.)
Let’s go see about the
Congressman’s wife...
18.

INT. EAST WING, WAYNE MANOR - MORNING
Alfred takes his tray into the bedroom. The bed is empty.

ALFRED
Master Wayne?
Alfred’s voice echoes through the vast mansion. No reply.


INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER
Alfred hits three notes on the piano. The bookcase opens.


INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - CONTINUOUS
Alfred descends into the caverns beneath Wayne Manor.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary Commissioner Gordon and Officer Blake discuss the aftermath of Harvey Dent's death and the disappearance of Batman while on a rooftop. Gordon brushes off Blake's questions about the identity of Batman and they discuss a missing person case involving Congressman Gilly's wife. Meanwhile, Alfred searches for Bruce Wayne in Wayne Manor and discovers he is missing.
Strengths "Great dialogue between Gordon and Blake, as well as Alfred's investigation in Wayne Manor."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks action and may not be as exciting compared to other scenes in the film."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written in terms of dialogue and character development. It effectively establishes Officer Blake's admiration for Gordon and his desire to continue the fight against crime, despite a lack of major criminal activity in the city.

One small critique is that the transition between the rooftop scene and the Wayne Manor scene feels abrupt and could benefit from some visual or narrative context indicating the passage of time. However, this is a minor issue and doesn't significantly detract from the scene's impact.

Another suggestion is that there could be a bit more visual description of the rooftop and the characters' actions. Adding some details about the setting and the characters' body language could help to create a more vivid and immersive scene.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up some key character arcs and plot points for the rest of the film, and is a strong start to the story.
Suggestions 1. Consider condensing the dialogue to make the scene shorter and more impactful.
2. Develop the character of Officer Blake more, so the audience feels more invested in his concerns.
3. Provide more background on Congressman Gilly and his wife, so their situation feels more urgent and suspenseful.
4. Consider adding some visuals to add more tension and atmosphere to the scene.



Scene 7 -  Revelational
  • Overall: 7.5
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. BATCAVE - CONTINUOUS

Alfred walks through the arches as the stone floor starts to
lower, becoming a ramp. At the bottom, Alfred is level with
a series of dark slate obelisks - a bridge over the water to
where Wayne sits at a computer atop a massive slate cube.

ALFRED
You haven’t been down here in a
long time...
WAYNE
Just trying to find out more about
our jewel thief. I ran her prints
from the photos she handled -
Wayne pulls up a mug shot - a fat, male armed-robbery
suspect.
- but she was wearing someone
else’s fingerprints. She’s good.
ALFRED
She may be. But we have the trace
on the necklace.

WAYNE
We do, so I cross-referenced the
address she went back to with
police data on high-end
B-and-E’s...

Wayne hits a key. A photograph of the Maid appears.
Selina Kyle. The databases are full
of close calls, tips from fences...
19.

Newspaper headlines appear -
THE CAT STRIKES AGAIN, POLICE SUSPECT ’CAT’ BURGLAR IN JEWEL
HEIST.

WAYNE
She’s good, but the ground is
shrinking beneath her feet.

ALFRED
We should send the police before
she fences the pearls.
WAYNE
She won’t. She likes them too much.
And they weren’t what she was
after.
ALFRED
What was she after?

WAYNE
My fingerprints. There was printer
toner mixed with graphite on the
safe. Gives you a good pull, and
it’s untraceable.

ALFRED
Fascinating. Maybe you should
exchange notes over coffee.
WAYNE
Now you’re trying to set me up with
a jewel thief?
ALFRED
At this point, sir, I would set you
up with a chimpanzee if I thought
it would bring you back into the
world.
WAYNE
There’s nothing out there for me.

ALFRED
And that’s the problem. You hung up
the cape and cowl, but never moved
on. You won’t get out there and
find a life. Find someone -

WAYNE
(bitter)
I did find someone, Alfred.
20.


ALFRED
I know. And then you lost them.
That’s part of living, sir. But
you’re not living - you’re waiting.
Hoping for things to go bad again.

Wayne says nothing.
Remember when you left Gotham?
Before all this. Before Batman.
Seven years you were gone. Seven
years I waited. Hoping that you
wouldn’t come back.
Wayne looks at Alfred. Not understanding.
Every year I took my holiday. I’d
go to Florence. There’s a café by
the Arno... Any fine evening I
would sit there and order a Fernet
Branca...
INSERT CUT: Alfred seated in a café sipping his drink...
I had a fantasy. I liked to imagine
that one day I’d look across the
tables, and see you. Sitting there
with your wife. Perhaps some kids.
You wouldn’t say anything to me, or
me to you, but we’d both
know...that you’d made it. That you
were happy.

INSERT CUT: Alfred spots a couple at another table and looks
closer, hopeful. But they are strangers.
I never wanted you to come back to
Gotham. I knew there was nothing
there for you but pain and tragedy,
and I wanted more for you than
that. I still do.
Alfred leaves Wayne to his cave. His bats.


EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - DAY
Blake and his partner, Ross, get out of their patrol car. A
DWP Man leads them down a long concrete trough.

DWP MAN
They wash up a couple times a
month. More when in gets colder -
homeless sheltering in the tunnels.
We had to pull him to clear the
basin, but other than that we
didn’t touch him...
21.


They come out by the catchment basin. Above the grille lies
a body - a teenage boy. Blake looks down at him. Freezes.
ROSS
What?

BLAKE
Name’s Jimmy. He’s at St.
Swithin’s. (Off look.) The boys
home where I...I coach some ball.


EXT. ST. SWITHIN’S HOME FOR BOYS - DAY
Blake looks up at the shabby building.


INT. ST. SWITHIN’S HOME FOR BOYS - MOMENTS LATER
Blake is talking to Father Reilly.
FATHER REILLY
Jimmy hadn’t been here for months.

BLAKE
Why?
FATHER REILLY
You know why, Blake - he aged out.
We don’t have the resources to keep
boys on after sixteen -
BLAKE
The Wayne Foundation gives money
for that -

FATHER REILLY
Not for two years now.
BLAKE
He has a brother here, right?

FATHER REILLY
Mark. I’ll tell him.
BLAKE
I’d like to, if that’s okay.
22.


EXT. PLAYGROUND, ST. SWITHIN’S - MOMENTS LATER
Father Reilly watches as Blake sits with Mark - ten.
BLAKE
I’m sorry.

Mark nods slowly. Staring straight ahead.
BLAKE
What was he doing in the tunnels?

MARK
Lot of guys been going down the
tunnels when they age out. Say you
can live down there. Say there’s
work down there.

BLAKE
What kind of work are you gonna
find in the sewers?
MARK
More than you can find up here, I
guess.
Blake considers this. Troubled.
Genres: ["action","drama"]

Summary Alfred confronts Bruce Wayne about his lack of purpose while they investigate Selina Kyle and her thefts. Meanwhile, Officer Blake discovers the body of a former resident of the boys' home where he coaches basketball and becomes concerned about the dangers faced by young men who age out.
Strengths
  • Well-written dialogue that reveals character motivations and backstories
  • The juxtaposition of high-tech, wealthy lifestyles with the realities faced by those without resources
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate action or high stakes in the scene
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with strong dialogue that reveals character and builds tension. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, the transition from the Batcave to the water treatment facility feels abrupt. It's not clear how these two scenes are connected, so the audience may be disoriented. It could help to establish a visual link between the two locations or to add a line of dialogue that explains why we're suddenly at the water treatment facility.

Secondly, the scene between Alfred and Bruce Wayne feels a bit static. Although the dialogue is well-written, there is not much action or movement to keep the audience engaged. It might improve the scene to have Alfred doing something while he speaks to Bruce, such as packing up a bag or cleaning a gadget.

Finally, the scene with Blake and Mark at the playground could benefit from some additional description. It's hard to visualize the setting or the characters' reactions when there are no physical details given. Adding in sensory details like the sound of children playing or the smell of hot asphalt could help to bring the scene to life and make it more immersive.

Overall, this is a solid scene that moves the plot forward and develops character relationships. With a few tweaks to pacing and description, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Overall, this scene has strong dialogue between Alfred and Wayne, as well as a tense moment with Blake discovering the body of a teenage boy. However, there are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Consider breaking the scene into two shorter scenes: One with Alfred and Wayne in the Batcave, and another with Blake at the boys' home. This would help each moment stand out on its own and have its own importance.

2. Add more action to the Batcave scene. While the dialogue is strong, it can feel like a lot of exposition without much happening. Consider having Wayne pull up more information on his computer, or showing Alfred looking through a file or some sort of gadget to keep the scene visually interesting.

3. Show more emotion from Wayne in the Batcave scene. While Alfred is concerned about Wayne's emotional health, Wayne doesn't seem to be reacting much to what Alfred is saying to him. Adding more emotion to Wayne's responses would make the scene more impactful.

4. Add more description to the body of the teenage boy in the sewer scene. The way the scene is currently written, the body is almost an afterthought. Describing the gruesome details and the impact it has on Blake would make the moment more dramatic.



Scene 8 -  Selina's Cover is Blown
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
Selina Kyle, in a little black dress, walks in with a drunk
in a Hawaiian shirt. She sits him on a bar stool - walks
over to a table where a neatly dressed man, Stryver, sits.

STRYVER
You brought a date?
SELINA
I like having someone around to
open doors for me.

Selina glances around. Things scattered throughout the bar.
Jumpy. Selina hands an envelope to Stryver.
SELINA
Right hand. No partials.
Stryver slides a transparency out of the envelope. Holds it
up to the light. Four perfect fingerprint transfers.
23.


STRYVER
Very nice.
He pockets the envelope.
SELINA
Not so fast, handsome. You got
something for me?
STRYVER
Oh, yes.

Stryver signals a Thug who locks the door. Another Thug
joins them at the table. Selina smiles.
SELINA
I don’t know what you’re going to
do with Mr. Wayne’s prints...but
I’m guessing you’ll need his thumb.
As Stryver checks the envelope again -
SELINA
You don’t count so good, huh?
STRYVER
I count fine.
The Second Thug puts a gun to Selina’s head.

STRYVER
In fact, I’m counting to ten right
now...
Selina looks in his eyes. The Thug cocks his gun. She
blinks.
SELINA
Okay, okay -

She reaches for her purse. The Thug stops her, reaches in
himself - pulls out a cellphone. Slides it across the table.
SELINA
My friend is waiting outside. Just
hit ’send’...

Stryver looks at the phone. Hits ’send’. Selina sizes up her
options. A knock on the door. Second Thug hides his gun. The
door opens - a young woman, Jen. She enters, cheerful, spots
Selina. Pulls out an envelope, looks around.
24.


JEN
Place is a little dead.
SELINA
(takes envelope, tense)
It’ll liven up in a minute, trust
me.
JEN
Everything okay?

SELINA
Great. Catch you later.
Jen leaves. Stryver checks the envelope. Satisfied.
SELINA
It would’ve been a lot easier to
just give me what we agreed.
STRYVER
We can’t have loose ends. And even
in that dress, no one’s going to
miss you.
SELINA
No. But my friend over there...?
Stryver looks at Selina’s ’date’ drooling into a bowl of
nuts at the bar - he looks familiar...
SELINA
Every cop in the city’s missing
him.

Across the bar, the TV on mute -
MANHUNT FOR MISSING CONGRESSMAN.
Stryver looks at Selina.

STRYVER
Cute. But they’re not gonna be
looking in a place like this.
SELINA
I don’t know... You did just use
his cell phone.
Stryver glances down at the cell phone as - SCREECH - the
Thugs look out the window at cop cars and SWAT units
descending on the bar. Stryver glances at the window and -
SMASH - Selina CRACKS his head against the table, grabs
25.


Second Thug’s gun hand, flips over the table, firing at the
other Thugs, who drop. The SWATs batter down the door.
Selina crouches, cowering, screaming.
SWAT
It’s alright, Miss. Just stay down
-
The SWATs barrel past, chasing the remaining Thugs back
through the bar and out into the back alley. Selina smiles.


EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS
The Thugs turn and open up on the SWATs with automatic
weapons.


INT. DIVE BAR - CONTINUOUS
Selina moves to the door. Spots the Congressman under the
bar, clutching his bleeding leg.

SELINA
Keep some pressure on that,
sweetheart.
She adjusts her dress in the broken mirror behind the bar.
Moves for the door.

CONGRESSMAN
(weak)
Call me?


EXT. DIVE BAR - CONTINUOUS
Selina waltzes out - right into Blake. She feigns panic.
SELINA
There’s a man in there - he’s
bleeding!
BLAKE
It’s okay, Miss. It’s okay.

Blake helps Selina down onto the tailgate of a SWAT truck.
He heads into the bar, weapon drawn. Selina slips behind the
truck and into the night.
26.


INT. DIVE BAR - CONTINUOUS
Blake enters, gun drawn. Spots the Congressman.
BLAKE
(into radio)
I’ve got the Congressman - bullet
to the leg, but he’s okay.

EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS

The SWATs return fire. The Thugs lay down cover fire, then
race around a corner into a smaller passage.
A cop car pulls up, blocking the mouth of the alley - Gordon
jumps out, gun drawn.

The SWATs approach the passage, massing on both corners
tactically. The two corner SWATs exchange hand signals,
counting down... They round the corner, aiming low and high.
The passage is empty.

The SWATs cover a fire escape, but Gordon spots at once -
GORDON
Manhole!

He races to the manhole cover - SWATs wrench off the cover,
Gordon grabs a flashlight from the nearest SWAT.
GORDON
You three, down with me. You two,
head down to cover the next exit -

SWAT
Where -?
GORDON
Get the DWP down here, now!

Gordon starts climbing down the ladder...

INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS

Gordon moves down the tunnel, flashlight low. Three SWATs
fall in behind...
27.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Selina meets with Stryver to exchange a package of Wayne's fingerprints for payment but the meeting is interrupted by a police raid. Selina manages to escape while Congressman Gilly, who was held captive, is rescued by Officer Blake. Bane's men engage in a shootout with the police and escape into the sewers.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled action scene
  • Introduces key characters
  • Advances plot
Weaknesses
  • Some characters not fully developed
  • Dialogue is not particularly memorable
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as follows:

Overall, this scene is well-crafted and engaging. It sets up a tense and dangerous situation and introduces Selina Kyle as a skilled and savvy character. The dialogue is snappy and effective, with Selina and Stryver engaging in a sharp-witted exchange that conveys information and character dynamics while also being entertaining. The action is clear and well-staged, with Selina outsmarting her opponents and the scene building to a satisfying climax with the arrival of the SWAT team.

One potential weakness of the scene is that it relies heavily on exposition and plot mechanics, particularly in the dialogue between Selina and Stryver. While this information is necessary for the story to make sense, it does feel a bit heavy-handed and could have been integrated more smoothly into the scene. Additionally, some of the visual description in the scene, such as the details of the bar and the action in the alley, could be more vivid and evocative to help the reader fully visualize the setting and action.

Overall, however, this scene effectively sets up the plot and introduces one of the film's key characters in an engaging and exciting way. It balances dialogue, character, and action effectively to keep the reader invested and entertained.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. More setup: It's not entirely clear what Selina and Stryver are doing with the fingerprint transfers, or how they fit into the larger story. Providing a bit more context about their plan or their relationship could help make the scene feel more consequential.

2. Better pacing: The scene jumps quickly from Selina handing over the envelope to the Thugs locking the door, which can make it feel like important details are being skipped over. Slowing things down a bit and adding some more dialogue or action could make the scene more engaging.

3. Clarification: Some of the dialogue is a bit confusing or unclear. For example, it's not immediately clear what Selina means when she says "right hand, no partials." Rewording or adding more context to these lines could make the scene easier to follow.

4. Better use of setting: The dive bar is a potentially interesting and atmospheric location, but it doesn't feel fully utilized in this scene. Finding ways to incorporate the setting into the action or dialogue could make the scene feel richer and more immersive.

5. More character development: The scene is largely focused on plot and exposition, which can make it feel a bit flat. Adding more moments that reveal the personalities or motivations of the characters involved could make the scene more engaging.



Scene 9 -  The Sewers
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS
Blake comes into the alley. Cops surround the manhole.
COP
Where’s the DWP guy?

BLAKE
They went down there?
FOLEY
(shaking his head)
And Gordon took SWAT in after them.

INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS

Gordon hears a noise up ahead - pushes forward, rounds the
corner. BANG! GUNFIRE. SWATs return fire, shots sparking off
the concrete walls, then - BOOM - behind him the tunnel
ERUPTS IN FIRE, blasting the SWATs. Gordon races forward,
tearing through the tunnels.


EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS
Blake jumps back as a fireball bursts out of the manhole.


INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS
Gordon races around a corner, gun drawn. A noise makes him
turn - WHACK, he is clobbered from behind by a Thug.


EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR - CONTINUOUS
Blake pushes forward.
BLAKE
Come on, we gotta get down there -

COP
That was a gas explosion, kid -
BLAKE
Gas? This is a sewer!
FOLEY
No one goes in there till we know
what’s down there.
28.


BLAKE
We know what’s down there, sir. The
Police Commissioner!
FOLEY
Somebody get the hothead out of
here. And get me a DWP guy!
Blake backs off. Gets an idea - goes for his patrol car.


INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS
Thug 1 flips Gordon onto his back.
THUG 1
This one’s alive. (Looks closer.)
Jesus. It’s the Police
Commissioner.
THUG 2
What do we do?

THUG 1
Take him to Bane.
The two Thugs drag Gordon down through the maze of tunnels.
As they descend deeper they encounter work crews of muscular
men wielding large drills and jackhammers, working the walls
and ceiling of the larger tunnels. Some of the men are armed
Mercenaries, overseeing gangs of homeless street kids. They
stare as Gordon is dragged past. The Thugs drag Gordon
between two waterfalls, into -


INT. BANE’S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)
They approach a figure, turned away, crouched in the
firelight. Bare-chested, muscular, masked. Bane. A crooked
line of scar tissue runs the length of his spine...

BANE
Why are you here?
The Thugs drop Gordon at Bane’s feet.

THUG 1
Answer him!
Bane slowly turns to the Thugs.
29.


BANE
I’m asking you.
THUG 1
It’s the Police Commissioner.

BANE
And you brought him down here?
THUG 2
We didn’t know what to do. We -

BANE
You panicked. And your weakness
costs three lives.
THUG 1
No, he’s alone -
Bane flips the Thug’s chin up and to the side with a crack.
Thug 1 drops. Bane turns to Thug 2.
BANE
Search him. Then I will kill you.
The Thug, terrified, pulls out Gordon’s badge, wallet,
gun...and the folded papers of the speech he did not read.
Bane takes these one by one with quick glances. He stops at
the papers. Unfolds them...

As he reads, Gordon rolls off the steps, dropping into the
rushing flow of water - gunshots ring out...
THUG 2
He’s dead.

Thug 2 trails off as Bane looks up from the papers...
BANE
Then show me his body.

THUG 2
That water runs to any one of the
outflows - we’d never find him.
Bane turns to the Lead Mercenary.

BANE
Give me your GPS.
Lead Mercenary hands him a GPS - Bane tucks it into Thug 2’s
jacket, zips it up like a mother sending her kid to school.
30.


BANE
Follow him.
THUG 2
Follow him?

Bane shoots Thug 2, kicks him into the water. Turns to Lead
Mercenary.
BANE
Track him. Make sure both bodies
will not be found. Then brick up
the south tunnel.

EXT. WATER TREATMENT FACILITY - NIGHT

Blake comes out to the catchment basin. He spots something
stuck up against the grille, thrusts his hand into the
raging waters - Gordon is there, alive. Just. Blake pulls
him up onto the concrete, hoists him up, hurrying...


INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - DAY
Alfred opens the door to reveal Blake in his dirty uniform.
BLAKE
I need to see Brice Wayne.

ALFRED
I’m sorry, Mr. Wayne doesn’t take
unscheduled calls. Even from police
officers.

BLAKE
And if I go get a warrant, in the
investigation of Harvey Dent’s
murder? Would that still count as
unscheduled?
Genres: ["Action","Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Commissioner Gordon and his team pursue Bane’s men to the sewers, where Gordon is captured. Meanwhile, Officer Blake tries to get in touch with Bruce Wayne to investigate Harvey Dent's murder.
Strengths "Intense action and conflict, suspenseful plot development, strong character development for Blake and Bane."
Weaknesses "Lack of screen time for other characters and unresolved plot points regarding Selina Kyle's storyline."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with clear action and dialogue. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Action descriptions: In some instances, the action descriptions can be more detailed. For example, when gunfire erupts and SWAT returns fire, it would be helpful to know who is shooting at whom and how they are positioned.

2. Character development: While Bane is introduced in this scene, there is little context or motivation given for his character. More development could make him a more compelling antagonist.

3. Dialogue: At times, the dialogue can be a bit on-the-nose or exposition-heavy. For example, when Blake argues with the cops about going into the sewer, his line "We know what's down there, sir. The Police Commissioner!" feels a bit forced. Additionally, when Bane is reading Gordon's speech, the exposition is heavy-handed. It may be more effective to have Bane react to the content of the speech in a more subtle way.

Overall, this scene effectively advances the plot and raises stakes for the characters, but could benefit from further character development and more nuanced dialogue.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more visual details to the scene to enhance the tension and suspense, such as showing the reactions of the cops and Blake more clearly. Additionally, adding more dialogue to reveal character motivations and further the plot could also improve the scene. For example, exploring Blake's determination and loyalty to the Police Commissioner could be emphasized through his dialogue and actions. Furthermore, foreshadowing Bane's presence in the scene could also add more dramatic tension and build up anticipation for his reveal.



Scene 10 -  Revelations
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. STUDY, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER
Blake is sitting, drumming his leg, nervous. Wayne enters.

WAYNE
What can I do for you, officer?
BLAKE
Commissioner Gordon’s been shot.
31.


WAYNE
I’m sorry to hear that -
BLAKE
He chased a gunman down into the
sewers. When I pulled him out he
was babbling about an underground
army. A masked man called ’Bane’.
WAYNE
Shouldn’t you be telling this to
your superior officers?
BLAKE
I did. One of them asked if he saw
any giant alligators down there. He
needs you. He needs the Batman.

WAYNE
If Commissioner Gordon thinks I’m
the Batman he must be in a bad way
-

BLAKE
He doesn’t know or care who you
are. (Off look.) But we’ve met
before. When I was a kid. At the
orphanage. See, my mom died when I
was small. Car accident, I don’t
really remember it. But a couple of
years later my dad was shot over a
gambling debt. I remember that just
fine. (Looks at Wayne.) Not a lot
of people who what it feels like,
do they? To be angry. In your
bones. People understand, foster
parents understand. For a while.
Then they expect the angry kid to
do what he knows he can never do.
To move on. To forget.

Wayne stares at Blake.
BLAKE
So they stopped understanding and
sent the angry kid to a boys’ home
- St. Swithin’s. Used to be funded
by the Wayne Foundation. See, I
figured it out too late. You have
to hide the anger. Practice smiling
in the mirror. Like putting on a
mask. You showed up one day in a
cool car, pretty girl on your arm.
(MORE)
32.


BLAKE (cont’d)
We were so excited - Bruce Wayne,
billionaire orphan. We made up
stories about you. Legends. The
other boys’ stories were just that.
But when I saw you I knew who you
really were... (Beat.) I’d seen
that look on your face. Same one I
taught myself.
Blake gets up to leave. Wayne is lost in thought.

BLAKE
I don’t know why you took the fall
for Dent’s murder, but I’m still a
believer in the Batman. Even if
you’re not.

WAYNE
Why did you say your boys’ home
used to be funded by the Wayne
Foundation?

BLAKE
Because the money stopped. Might be
time to get some fresh air and
start paying attention to the
details. Some of those details
might need your help.

INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER
Wayne and Alfred watch Blake drive away.

WAYNE
You checked that name? ’Bane’ -
ALFRED
Ran it through some databases. He’s
a mercenary. No other known name.
Never been seen or photographed
without a mask. He and his men were
behind a coup in West Africa that
secured mining operations for our
friend John Daggett.

WAYNE
Now Daggett’s brought them here?
ALFRED
It would seem so. I’ll keep
digging.
33.


Alfred turns to leave.
WAYNE
Why did the Wayne Foundation stop
funding boys’ homes in the city?

ALFRED
The Foundation is funded from the
profits of Wayne Enterprises...
(Off look.) There have to be some.

WAYNE
Time to talk to Mr. Fox, I think.
ALFRED
I’ll get him on the phone -

WAYNE
No. Do we still have any cars
around the place?
ALFRED
(lights up)
One or two.
WAYNE
And I need an appointment at the
hospital. About my leg.

ALFRED
Which hospital, sir?
WAYNE
Whichever one Jim Gordon’s in.

Alfred is less excited by this part of the request.

EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY

Moving towards the tall skyscraper downtown.
MIRANDA (V.O.)
Mr. Fox, I believe in what Mr.
Wayne was trying to do...
Genres: ["Action","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Officer Blake tells Bruce Wayne about Commissioner Gordon's capture and the threat of Bane. He also reveals how he relates to Bruce as an angry orphan in a boys' home. Meanwhile, Alfred continues his investigation into Selina Kyle's connection to Wayne Enterprises and Bane's origins.
Strengths
  • Strong character development for both Bruce Wayne and Officer Blake
  • Revelations about their shared past add depth to their relationship
  • The scene sets up the central conflict of the film
Weaknesses
  • Some of the exposition can feel heavy-handed
  • The scene lacks much action or visual spectacle
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene sets up a lot of important plot points and character development, but it could benefit from being tightened up. The dialogue is a bit long-winded at times and could be more efficient in getting to the point.

Positives:
- The scene establishes the urgent, high stakes situation of Commissioner Gordon's shooting and the emergence of the villain Bane.
- It also reveals more about Blake's backstory and his connection to Wayne, as well as some hints at Wayne's past involvement with the boys' home.
- The conversation between Wayne and Alfred shows their investigation into Bane and the company behind him, and hints at larger societal issues related to funding for disadvantaged youth.
- The final line from Miranda sets up the next scene and further develops the themes of Wayne's legacy and impact on the city.

Suggestions for improvement:
- Consider trimming down some of the more exposition-heavy lines of dialogue, like Blake's recounting of his father's death and his experiences at the boys' home. While these details are important for character development, they could be condensed to keep the scene moving.
- The conversation between Wayne and Alfred also includes a lot of exposition, and while it's necessary to set up important plot points, it could be streamlined.
- Overall, the scene could benefit from some more concise and impactful dialogue that creates more tension and urgency.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more action to the scene. Currently, it is primarily dialogue between Blake and Wayne, with some exposition from Alfred. Adding more visual elements, such as Wayne getting up to prepare to leave or Alfred making phone calls, could help break up the dialogue. Additionally, creating more urgency and tension in the scene could heighten the stakes and make it more exciting for the audience. For example, having Wayne and Alfred receive a threatening message from Bane or having Blake reveal that the city is in imminent danger could increase the tension and make the scene more engaging. Finally, it may be helpful to make sure the dialogue flows more smoothly and sounds natural, as some of the lines feel a bit clunky or expositional.



Scene 11 -  Wayne Enterprises and The Bat
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS
Miranda is talking to Lucius Fox at the table.
34.


MIRANDA
I’m only asking for explanations
because I think I can help.
FOX
I’ll pass along your request. Next
time I see him.
Miranda catches something in this.
MIRANDA
He doesn’t talk to you either?
FOX
Let’s just say that Bruce Wayne has
his...eccentricities.

MIRANDA
(rising)
Mr. Fox, are you aware that John
Daggett is trying to acquire shares
in Wayne Enterprises?

FOX
I was not. But it wouldn’t do him
any good - Mr. Wayne still retains
a clear majority.
Miranda leaves. Fox moves into his office - stops.

FOX
Bruce Wayne. As I live and breathe.
Wayne rises, pushing hard on his cane.

FOX
What brings you out of cryo-sleep
Mr. Wayne?
WAYNE
I see you haven’t lost your sense
of humor...even if you have lost
most of my money.
FOX
Actually, you did that yourself.
See, if you funnel the entire R and
D budget for five years into a
fusion project that you then
mothball, your company is unlikely
to thrive.
35.

WAYNE
Even with -

FOX
A wildly sophisticated CEO, yes.
Wayne Enterprises is running out of
time. And Daggett is moving in.
WAYNE
What’re my options?
FOX
If you’re not willing to turn your
machine on -

WAYNE
I can’t, Lucius.
FOX
Then sit tight. Your majority keeps
Daggett at arm’s length while we
figure out a future for the energy
program with Miranda Tate - she’s
supported your project all the way.
She’s smart, and quite lovely.
WAYNE
You too, Lucius?
FOX
We all just want what’s best for
you, Bruce. Show her the machine.

WAYNE
I’ll think it over.
FOX
Anything else?

WAYNE
No, why?
FOX
These conversations always used to
end with some...unusual requests.
WAYNE
I retired.
FOX
Let me show you some stuff, anyway.
Fox hits a button - the bookcase opens into a hidden
elevator.
36.


INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - MOMENTS LATER
Fox leads Wayne into the vast, gadget-filled space. They
pass Tumblers with different weapons configurations...
WAYNE
I figured you’d have shut this
place down.
FOX
It was always shut down,
officially.
WAYNE
But all this new stuff?
FOX
After your father died, Wayne
Enterprises set up fourteen
different defense subsidiaries.
I’ve spent years shuttering them
and consolidating all the
prototypes under one roof. My roof.

WAYNE
Why?
FOX
Stop them falling into the wrong
hands. Besides, I thought someone
might get some use out of them...
Wayne shakes his head.
FOX
Sure I can’t tempt you to
something? Pneumatic crampons?
Infrared lenses? Least let me get
you something for that leg.

WAYNE
It’s fine the use it gets these
days.
FOX
Well, then I have just the thing
for an eccentric billionaire who
doesn’t like to walk...
Fox opens a door - we glimpse a sleek vehicle. Wayne’s eyes
light up.
37.

WAYNE
Now you’re just showing off.

FOX
Defense Department project for
tight-geometry urban pacification.
Rotors configured for maneuvering
between buildings without
recirculation.

WAYNE
What’s it called?
FOX
It has a long and uninteresting
Wayne Enterprises designation. So I
took to calling it the Bat. And
yes, Mr. Wayne, it does come in
black.
Wayne touches its sleek side. Marveling.

FOX
Works great except for the
autopilot.
WAYNE
What’s wrong with that?
FOX
Software-based instability. Take a
better mind than mine to fix it.

WAYNE
Better mind?
FOX
I was trying to be modest. A less
busy mind. Yours, perhaps.
Wayne looks wistfully at the machine. Turns away.
WAYNE
I told you. I retired, Lucius.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Miranda Tate and Lucius Fox discuss the future of Wayne Enterprises, while Bruce Wayne visits the Applied Sciences division to see the defense prototypes. Fox shows him a new vehicle, the Bat, and reveals that the autopilot needs to be fixed.
Strengths "Strong dialogue and character development. The introduction of the Bat is a highlight."
Weaknesses "Low conflict and emotional impact. The scene feels like it is setting up future plot points rather than being self-contained."
Critique Overall, this scene serves as an exposition dump to set up the conflict and relationships between the characters, Bruce Wayne and Lucius Fox. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue could be more concise. There are moments where the characters repeat themselves, such as when Miranda asks if Bruce doesn't talk to Lucius, and he responds with "Let's just say that Bruce Wayne has his...eccentricities." It's clear that Bruce has eccentricities, so the additional dialogue is unnecessary.

Additionally, there's a lack of subtext and nuance in the conversation. The characters speak in a straightforward, matter-of-fact way that doesn't leave much to interpretation or implication. This can make the scene feel flat and uninteresting. Adding more layers to their dialogue, such as hidden motives or emotions, would make it more engaging and intriguing.

Lastly, the scene has a lot of exposition and could benefit from more visual storytelling. Instead of relying solely on dialogue to explain the setting and characters' motivations, the scene could show their actions and reactions to better convey this information. For example, instead of just telling us that Wayne Enterprises has defense subsidiaries, we could see Wayne exploring Applied Sciences and discovering the weaponry firsthand.

Overall, while the scene moves the plot forward and sets up important relationships, it could be improved with more concise, nuanced dialogue, and more visual storytelling.
Suggestions 1. Clarify character motivation: In this scene, Miranda seems to enter the room without a clear reason, and her sudden mention of Daggett feels like it comes out of nowhere. Consider adding a line to explain why she was there to begin with and how she came to learn about Daggett's interests.

2. Increase tension/conflict: To add more emotional depth to the scene, consider making the conflict between Wayne and Daggett more personal. Perhaps Daggett has a history with Wayne or a grudge against him that can be explored further.

3. Show, don't tell: When Fox shows Wayne the Bat, there's a lot of exposition about its features and problems, but it would be more engaging to demonstrate its functionality and issues through action or dialogue.

4. Develop character relationships: While the scene briefly touches on Wayne and Fox's relationship, there's not much exploration of their dynamic or why Fox is so invested in helping Wayne despite his past mistakes. Consider adding more backstory or dialogue to flesh out this relationship.

5. Raise stakes: The scene ends with Wayne reiterating that he's retired, which feels like a bit of a letdown after the excitement of the Bat reveal. Consider raising the stakes by introducing a consequence for Wayne's inaction, like a deadline or an impending threat from Daggett.



Scene 12 -  Return of the Batman
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. EXAMINATION ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT
Wayne listens, distracted, while a Doctor examines an X-ray.

DOCTOR
I’ve seen worse cartilage in knees
-
38.


WAYNE
That’s good -
DOCTOR
No, that’s because there is no
cartilage in your knee. And not
much of any use in your elbows and
shoulders. Between that and the
scar tissue on your kidneys,
residual concussive damage to your
brain tissue and general
scarred-over quality of your
body... (Takes a deep breath.) I
cannot recommend that you go
heli-skiing. About the only part of
your body that looks healthy is
your liver, so if you’re bored I
recommend you take up drinking, Mr.
Wayne.
Wayne smiles. The Doctor leaves. Wayne pulls on a ski mask,
steps to the window, hops up, pulls a wire from his cane,
which he clips to his belt. He props his cane behind the
frame - jumps out. The wire unspools from the cane as -

EXT. TENTH FLOOR, GOTHAM GENERAL HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS
Wayne drops three floors...


INT. PRIVATE ROOM, GOTHAM GENERAL - CONTINUOUS
Gordon lies in his bed, hooked up to machines. Wayne, in ski
mask, stands over him. Gordon’s eyes flutter open. He tries
to speak with a weak, hoarse voice...
GORDON
We were in this together. Then you
were gone...

WAYNE
The Batman wasn’t needed anymore.
We won.
GORDON
Built on a lie. Our lie. Now
there’s evil rising from where we
tried to bury it. Nobody will
listen... The Batman has to come
back.
39.


WAYNE
What if he doesn’t exist anymore?
GORDON
He must. He must.


INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI ON GOTHAM STREETS - NIGHT
Wayne pulls up in front of a row of shabby subdivided town
houses. Checks a tracking device. Jon, provocatively
dressed, leads a Yuppie Banker-type in through a front door.

INT. SELINA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Selina sits in a small room getting ready to go out. She
picks up the pearls - hears a disturbance in the hall.
JEN (O.S.)
I told you - money first -
YUPPIE (O.S.)
Goddammit, you took my wallet!

INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
The Yuppie has Jen against the wall - he reaches back to hit
her with an expensive wristwatch-clad arm. But Selina has
grabbed his wrist with a powerful grip.
SELINA
Get out.

YUPPIE
She took my wallet!
Selina twists his arm behind him in a blinding move.
SELINA
Now.
She releases the Yuppie, who moves off down the stairs.
Selina turns to Jen. Who is examining a wallet.
SELINA
I told you not to try it with the
assholes, Jen.
JEN
They’re all assholes.
40.


SELINA
Okay, the assholes who hit.
JEN
I don’t know what he’s so upset
about, he only had sixty bucks in
here.
SELINA
Probably the watch.

YOUNG WOMAN
Watch?
Selina opens her hand and gives Jen the Yuppie’s Rolex.


EXT. SELINA’S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - LATER
Selina exits and hails a cab. Wayne watches her go. Then
pulls out. Checking his tracker.


EXT. MUSEUM, GOTHAM - LATER
Town cars dispense Gotham society in tasteful masquerade.
Wayne pulls up to the Valet. Paparazzi line the entrance.
Wayne uses his cane to get out of his Lamborghini...

PAPARAZZI
Another stiff too old to climb out
of his sports car.
PAPARAZZI 2
No, that’s Bruce Wayne! Hey, Wayne,
where you been hiding?
Lenses swing onto Wayne, who pushes a button on his key fob
- a pulse. The cameras die. Wayne heads to the door.

WAYNE
I’m not sure if my assistant put me
on the guest list -
GREETER
Right through here, Mr. Wayne...
41.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Bruce visits Commissioner Gordon at the hospital and discusses the need for Batman's return. Meanwhile, Selina Kyle gets into a scuffle with a Yuppie and Wayne attends a masquerade at the museum.
Strengths
  • Introducing the idea of the return of Batman and the conflict that comes with it.
  • Expanding on the character of Selina Kyle.
Weaknesses
  • Lack of action in this scene.
Critique As a screenwriting AI, I cannot provide a subjective critique as I lack personal preferences. However, here are some objective observations:

- The scene begins in an examination room in a hospital where Wayne receives news about the state of his body. This scene helps to establish Wayne's physical condition, which is relevant to his character and a factor that he needs to manage throughout the story.
- The Doctor's dialogue is specific and provides the audience with information about Wayne's injuries and weaknesses, making it a functional scene that delivers exposition. However, the Doctor's delivery could benefit from a more empathic tone towards Wayne, who is his patient.
- Wayne's reaction to the news is somewhat flippant, which could be interpreted as a coping mechanism or a sign of his indifference towards his body's deterioration. Either way, it adds to his characterization.
- The next scene takes place in Gordon's hospital room and establishes the two characters' relationship and sets up Gordon's desire for Batman to return. This scene moves the story forward and foreshadows Batman's eventual resurgence.
- The last scene takes place outside a Museum and introduces paparazzi talking about Bruce Wayne, who uses a pulse to disable their cameras. This scene adds to the information about Wayne's resources and establishes his ability to control his environment.
- Overall, the scene delivers information about Wayne's physical and emotional state while setting up plot points for future events. The dialogue is functional, but the emotional resonance between the characters could be developed further.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI, I would suggest the following improvements for Scene 12:

- Tighten up the dialogue between Wayne and the Doctor by eliminating unnecessary lines of dialogue and making it more concise.
- Make the transition between Wayne jumping out the window to his arrival in Gordon's room smoother by adding a brief scene of him navigating the hospital or landing safely outside the window.
- Develop Gordon's dialogue to make it more emotional and impactful. He's setting up a major plot point, so it needs to be really strong.
- Give Selina more dialogue to develop her character further, as she seems like a potentially interesting character who is currently underutilized.
- Add more tension to the scene with the paparazzi by having them be more aggressive or intrusive, which will make Wayne's use of the key fob to disable their cameras more satisfying and impactful.



Scene 13 -  The Masquerade
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 10
INT. MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS
A lavish ball - the expressively attired dance under falling
confetti... Even Bruce Wayne is struck by the ostentation.
He spots Selina dancing with a deeply smitten Rich Twit. She
wears a small, velvet pair of cat ears. And the pearls.

MIRANDA (O.S)
Bruce Wayne at a charity ball?
Wayne turns to find Miranda Tate, amazed, a small mask her
only concession to fancy dress.
WAYNE
Miss Tate, isn’t it?
MIRANDA
Even before you became a recluse,
you never came to these things...
WAYNE
True. Proceeds go to the big fat
spread, not the cause. It’s not
about charity, it’s about feeding
the ego of whichever society hag
laid it on.
MIRANDA
Actually, this is my party, Mr.
Wayne.
WAYNE
Oh.
MIRANDA
And the proceeds will go where they
should, because I paid for the big
fat spread myself.
WAYNE
That’s very generous of you.
MIRANDA
You have to invest to restore
balance to the world. Take our
clean-energy project...

WAYNE
Sometimes the investment doesn’t
pay off. Sorry.
42.


MIRANDA
You have a practiced apathy, Mr.
Wayne. But a man who doesn’t care
about the world doesn’t spend half
his fortune on a plan to save it...
(Gentle.) And isn’t so wounded when
it fails that he goes into
hiding...
Wayne looks at Miranda. Intrigued.

MIRANDA
Have a good evening, Mr. Wayne.
Wayne watches Miranda glide away. Then turns to Selina.
WAYNE
Mind if I cut in?
Rich Twit turns, annoyed - Wayne hands him his cane. Takes
Selina by the waist. She glares at him.
WAYNE
You don’t seem very happy to see
me.
SELINA
You were supposed to be a shut-in.

WAYNE
Felt like some fresh air.
SELINA
Why didn’t you call the police?

WAYNE
I have a powerful friend who deals
with this kind of thing. (Admires
her cat ears.) Brazen costume for a
cat burglar.

SELINA
Yeah? Who are you pretending to be?
WAYNE
Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire.
Who’s your date?
SELINA
His wife’s in Ibiza. She left her
diamonds behind, though. Worried
they’d get stolen.
43.

WAYNE
It’s pronounced ’Ibeetha’. You
wouldn’t want these folks realizing
you’re a crook not a social
climber.

SELINA
(flash of anger)
You think I care what anyone in
this room thinks about me?

WAYNE
I doubt you care what anyone in
this room thinks about you.
SELINA
Don’t condescend, Mr. Wayne. You
don’t know a thing about me.
WAYNE
Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came
here from your walk-up in Old Town
- modest place for a master jewel
thief. Which means either you’re
saving for your retirement - or
you’re in deep with the wrong
people.

SELINA
You don’t get to judge me because
you were born in the master bedroom
of Wayne Manor.
WAYNE
Actually, I was born in the Regency
Room.
SELINA
I started off doing what I had to.
Once you’ve done what you had to
they’ll never let you do what you
want to.
WAYNE
Start fresh.

SELINA
There’s no fresh start in today’s
world. Any twelve-year-old with a
cell phone could find out what you
did. Everything we do is collated
and quantified. Everything sticks.
We are the sum of our mistakes.
44.


WAYNE
Or our achievements.
SELINA
The mistakes stick better. Trust
me.

WAYNE
You think that justifies stealing?
SELINA
I take what I need to from those
who have more than enough. I don’t
stand on the shoulders of people
with less.
WAYNE
Robin Hood?
SELINA
I’d do more to help someone than
most of the people in this room.
Than you.

WAYNE
Maybe you’re assuming too much.
SELINA
Or maybe you’re being unrealistic
about what’s really in your pants
other than your wallet.
WAYNE
Ouch.

SELINA
You think all this can last?
Wayne glances around at the sumptuous party.

SELINA
There’s a storm coming, Mr. Wayne.
You and your friends better batten
down the hatches, because when it
hits you’re all gonna wonder how
you ever thought you could live so
large and leave so little to the
rest of us.
WAYNE
Sounds like you’re looking forward
to it.
45.


SELINA
I’m adaptable.
WAYNE
These pearls do look better on you
then they did in my safe...

Wayne rolls her into his shoulder - reaches up to the back
of her neck, unclasps the necklace.
But I still can’t let you keep
them.

The pearls slide off her neck into his other hand. Selina
looks at him. Angry. Then kisses him, hard, and disappears
into the crowd. Wayne’s cane reappears.
RICH TWIT
(annoyed)
You scared her off.
WAYNE
Not likely.
Genres: ["Action","Drama"]

Summary Bruce attends a masquerade held by Miranda Tate and talks to Selina Kyle about her life as a criminal and her opinion on the coming storm. Selina meets Wayne, who reveals that he still possesses her stolen pearls.
Strengths "The dialogue between Bruce and Selina is witty and sharp, revealing both their personalities and motivations. The setting is visually stunning and adds to the atmosphere of the scene."
Weaknesses "The conversation is static and could have been more visually dynamic. Some may find the plot development slow compared to the surrounding action heavy scenes."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with strong dialogue and characterization. The exchange between Bruce Wayne and Miranda Tate effectively establishes their opposing worldviews and sets up their future interactions. The conversation between Bruce and Selina is also engaging, with both characters challenging each other's perspectives and motives. The tension and chemistry between Bruce and Selina build throughout the scene and culminate in a surprising kiss. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit on the nose and could benefit from more subtlety. For example, the pearl necklace exchange is quite overtly symbolic. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to set the visual tone of the lavish ball and emphasize the grandeur and spectacle of the setting.
Suggestions This scene has a lot of dialogue, but it can be improved by adding more action. Here are some suggestions:

- Add more description of the lavish ball scene - this will help transport the audience into the setting and immerse them in the story.
- Show more of Selina and Bruce's body language during their conversation - are they moving closer to each other or away? Are they tense or relaxed?
- Use more cinematic language to describe what is happening - for example, instead of "Wayne rolls her into his shoulder," try "Wayne dips Selina in a graceful dance move as he unclasps the necklace from her neck."
- Consider breaking up the dialogue into smaller chunks, and interspersing it with actions or reactions from the characters - this will help keep the scene visually interesting and prevent it from feeling like a "talking heads" scene.



Scene 14 -  Wayne's Return to the Batsuit
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. MUSEUM - MOMENTS LATER
Wayne approaches the Valet. Pats down his pockets.
WAYNE
I must have lost my ticket -
VALET
Your wife said you were taking a
cab home, sir.

WAYNE
My wife?

INT./EXT. LAMBORGHINI RACING DOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS

Selina permits herself a little smile as she guns the
engine.

INT. ROLLS ROYCE - LATER

Alfred watches in the mirror as Wayne climbs into the back.
ALFRED
Just you, sir?

Wayne gives him a withering glare.
(MORE)
46.

ALFRED (cont’d)
Don’t worry, Master Wayne. Takes a
little time to get back into the
swing of things.
Wayne dials his phone.
FOX (O.S.)
This is Fox.

WAYNE
Remember those ’unusual requests’ I
used to make?
FOX (O.S.)
I knew it!
Up front, Alfred listens. Concerned.

INT. BATCAVE - DAY

Wayne pushes a button on a hi-tech carbon fiber brace
strapped to his good knee - the brace tones. As Wayne starts
moving his knee, bending, stretching, Alfred puts down a
Thermos.

ALFRED
You’ve got the wrong leg, sir.
WAYNE
You start with the good limb so it
learns your optimum muscle
patterns.
Wayne swaps the brace to his bad knee. Puts his weight on it
- the knee bends, kicks. He sits again. Cautious.
Now we tighten it up.

Wayne gingerly pushes a button - the brace starts to shrink
tight to his leg, digging in. Wayne grits his teeth.
ALFRED
It is terribly painful?

WAYNE
(gritted teeth)
You’re welcome to try it, Alfred.
ALFRED
Happy watching, thank you, sir.
Wayne shouts as the brace clicks home. He gets to his feet.
47.


WAYNE
Not bad -
Wayne executes a perfect roundhouse, knocking out a brick.
Not bad at all.

Alfred picks up the brick. Considers it. Uneasy. He follows
Wayne across the bridge to the cube.
ALFRED
Master Wayne, if you’re considering
going back out there you need to
hear some rumors surrounding Bane.
WAYNE
I’m all ears.

ALFRED
There is a prison. In a more
ancient part of the world. A pit.
Where men are thrown to suffer and
die. But sometimes, a man rises
from the darkness. Sometimes...the
pit sends something back.
WAYNE
Bane.
ALFRED
Born and raised in a hell on earth.
WAYNE
Born in a prison?
ALFRED
No one knows why. Or how he
escaped. But they know who trained
him one he did...Rā’s al Ghūl. Your
mentor.

Wayne takes this in. Shocked.
ALFRED
He plucked Bane from a dark corner
of the earth and trained him in the
blackest disciplines of combat,
deception and endurance. Just like
you.
WAYNE
Bane was a member of the League of
Shadows.
48.


ALFRED
Until he was excommunicated. And a
man considered too extreme for Rā’s
al Ghūl is not to be trifled with.

WAYNE
I didn’t realize I was known for
trifling with criminals.
ALFRED
That was then. And you can strap up
your leg and put the mask back on.
But it won’t make you what you
were.
WAYNE
Which was?

ALFRED
Someone whose anger at death made
him value all life. Even his own.
WAYNE
If this man is all the things you
say he is, then this city needs me.
The Batsuit emerges from the cube.
ALFRED
Yes, this city needs Bruce Wayne.
Your resources, your
knowledge...not your body. Not your
life. That time has passed.

WAYNE
I tried helping as Bruce Wayne,
Alfred. And I failed.
ALFRED
You can fail as Bruce Wayne. As
Batman, you can’t afford to.
WAYNE
That’s what you’re afraid of - that
if I go back out there I’ll fail.

ALFRED
No. I’m afraid that you want to.
Wayne looks at Alfred. Then turns to examine the Batsuit.
49.
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Crime"]

Summary After visiting Commissioner Gordon, Bruce Wayne trains with a new brace and discovers information about Bane from Alfred. He decides to become Batman again, but Alfred is hesitant.
Strengths "The scene sets up the conflict with Bane and adds tension to Wayne's decision to become Batman again. The dialogue between Wayne and Alfred highlights their relationship and adds depth to their characters."
Weaknesses "The dialogue between Wayne and Alfred is a bit on the nose in terms of their roles and motivations. The scene could benefit from more nuance in their conversation."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys important information about the plot and character development. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, there is a lack of visual action in the initial museum scene. It consists mainly of dialogue between Wayne and the valet, which could be more engaging with added movement or visual cues.

Secondly, the transition to Selina driving the Lamborghini feels abrupt and disorienting. It might benefit from a clearer establishing shot or a more seamless transition.

Thirdly, some of the dialogue is a bit on-the-nose, especially Alfred's exposition about Bane's backstory. This could be streamlined or delivered in a more subtle way.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more emotional tension between Wayne and Alfred. While there is disagreement about whether Wayne should continue as Batman, there is not a strong emotional conflict to drive the scene. Adding more personal stakes could make it more engaging.

In summary, while the scene is solidly written, there are opportunities for improvement in pacing, exposition, and emotional tension.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. In the first exchange between Wayne and the Valet, there could be more tension and conflict. Perhaps the Valet is skeptical of Wayne's story and demands proof, leading to a more intense back and forth.

2. The transition from Selina driving the Lamborghini to Alfred picking up Wayne in the Rolls Royce could be a bit jarring. It’s not clear how much time has passed or what the purpose of the scene is.

3. Alfred's dialogue about Bane and the pit could be more impactful if it were delivered with more gravitas. Perhaps adding some music or sound effects could enhance the sense of danger.

4. The conversation between Alfred and Wayne in the Batcave could be more dynamic. Adding some physical action or movement could make it more visually interesting.

5. Some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, such as when Alfred says "That time has passed." Finding a more subtle way to express the same sentiment could make the scene more nuanced.



Scene 15 -  Stock Exchange Heist
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING
A frenzy of trading on the packed floor...
Two Traders sit on a shoeshine stand in the lobby.

TRADER 2
You can’t short the stock because
Bruce Wayne goes to a party -
TRADER 1
Wayne coming back is change. Change
is either good or bad.
TRADER 2
On what basis?

TRADER 1
I flipped a coin.
Near the front entrance: a Food Delivery Guy is standing
there negotiating with a Trader.

TRADER 3
No. Rye. I told ’em rye.
Trader 3 spots bad news on a screen.
Alright, I’ll take it.

He thrusts Food Guy a tip and grabs the bag, distracted...
At the rear secure entrance: a Motorcycle Courier enters,
wearing his helmet - a Female Security Guard gets in his
face.

FEMALE SECURITY GUARD
Rookie! Lose the helmet! (Points at
a camera.) We need faces for
cameras.

In the rest room: a Janitor mops the floor, shifting out of
the way of two Traders who rush in to pee.
At the shoeshine stand, Trader 1 waves a bill down at the
man shining his shoes without a glance. Shoeshine Man takes
the bill, then, as the Traders step off, he reaches into a
gym bag and checks an automatic weapon. He clicks the slide
home, then hoists the gym bag and heads for the trading
floor.
At the secure entrance: the Courier pulls off his helmet.
The Female Security Guard’s eyes go wide.
50.

In the rest room: the Janitor reaches into his bucket and
pulls out a machine pistol in a Ziploc bag.

Near the front entrance: Food Guy pulls an automatic pistol
- clubs Trader 3 with it, pastrami flying. Shoeshine Man
moves onto the floor, pulls out his weapon.
Under the Courier’s helmet - a mask. Bane. He grabs the
Female Security Guard and throws her into her colleagues,
lashing out in four directions with rapidfire lethality.
Shoeshine Man fires into the large trading screens. The
floor erupts into a different frenzy - traders hit the deck,
screaming. Bane moves onto the floor...

TRADER 1
This is a stock exchange, there’s
no money you can steal -
He dries up as Bane stops. Turns to him...

BANE
Why else would you people be here?
Bane grabs Trader 1 by the throat and drags him across the
floor to an online automated trades terminal... He puts the
man’s thumb onto the print reader - the screen lights up.

BANE
Enter your password. Or I send
these men to your home.

Trader 1, terrified, types in his password. Outside, sirens.
Shoeshine man pulls out a USB drive with an antenna - plugs
it into the computer - figures race across the screen...

EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS

Police vehicles screech into the narrow street -
construction vehicles are blocking. Blake argues with a
burly Construction Worker.
BLAKE
Move it, now! We’ve got a
situation.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER
Where can I move it?!

BLAKE
That way!
Blake points - but SWAT vehicles pile in, blocking.
51.


BLAKE
Get in your vehicle and stay there!
Foley and the SWAT Commander, Allen, approach the entrance.
The Market Security Chief walks up, frantic.

SECURITY CHIEF
You’ve gotta get in there!
FOLEY
This is a hostage situation -

SECURITY CHIEF
It’s a robbery! They’ve got direct
access to the online trading desk.
FOLEY
I’m not risking my men for your
money -
SECURITY CHIEF
It’s not our money, it’s
everyone’s!

ALLEN
Really? Mine’s in my mattress.
SECURITY CHIEF
If you don’t shut these guys down,
the stuffing in that mattress might
be worth a whole lot less, pal.
FOLEY
Cut the fiber line - shut down the
cell tower. That’ll slow them down.


INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS
Shoeshine Man looks up from the laptop.

SHOESHINE MAN
They cut the fiber. Cell’s working.
BANE
For now. How much longer does the
program need?
SHOESHINE MAN
Eight minutes.
52.


BANE
Time to go mobile.
Shoeshine Man picks up the laptop, slips it into his pack...


EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS
Allen shouts at his men.
ALLEN
Get the barriers up - no more in
and out on this street!
Steel wedge-shaped barriers rise up at the mouth of the
street. A Sniper watches the doors through a thermal scope.
Six large heat signatures bloom, too big for people...

SNIPER
I’ve got something -
The door explodes. SWATs duck, six sportbikes race out and
leap the ramp-like barricades, sending SWATs scattering.
Cops scramble to pull their vehicles out to give chase.

EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS
The bikes weave through traffic, Traders strapped to the
back, facing backwards - screaming, ties flying in the wind.
A cruiser falls in behind.
ROOKIE COP
Shoot the tires!

A Veteran Cop sights a shot, but the Traders are in the way.
VETERAN COP
No shot!


EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS
Foley is barking into his radio.
FOLEY
Back off, back off! They’ve got
hostages!
53.


INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
The cruiser follows the bike into a large tunnel. A Rookie
Cop looks up into his rear-view.
ROOKIE COP
What’s going on with the lights?
The Veteran Cop looks back - streetlights and headlights are
dying one after another. The darkness is chasing them - the
darkness hits them. Their lights, sirens, and engine die...

And, out of the silence, a dark shape roars past -
VETERAN COP
It can’t be...

ROOKIE COP
The hell was that?!
VETERAN COP
Oh boy. You’re in for a show
tonight, son.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Bane and his team attack the stock exchange, holding traders hostage and stealing from the online trading desk. Bruce Wayne is not present during the attack, but Batman and the police give chase as Bane's team manages to escape.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequence
  • Well-designed heist
  • Effective use of darkness for suspense
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging, but there are a few areas of critique.

First, the dialogue between the traders feels a bit contrived. It seems like they're discussing their plans out loud for the audience's benefit, rather than having a natural conversation.

Second, some of the action could be more clear and visually descriptive. For example, when the shoeshine man fires into the trading screens, it's not clear what exactly he's shooting at or how it affects the traders.

Finally, the transition between the stock exchange scene and the chase scene could be smoother. It feels jarring to suddenly switch to a different location and set of characters without any context or buildup.

Overall, the scene has strong elements of tension, action, and intrigue, but could benefit from some tightening and clarification in certain areas.
Suggestions This scene is action-packed and tense, but there are a few ways to improve it:

1. Clarify character motivations. It's not clear what the traders want or why they're involved in the scene. Adding a bit of background information would help the audience understand their motivation and make the scene more compelling.

2. Reduce unnecessary dialogue. The exchange between Trader 1 and Trader 2 about flipping a coin adds nothing to the scene and could be cut to make the dialogue more efficient.

3. Tighten up pacing. The scene jumps around between different characters and locations, and while tension is maintained, the pacing could be improved by focusing on specific characters.

4. Develop the villain. Bane is the central antagonist in the scene but he's not given much characterization beyond being a threatening presence. Adding in some backstory or motivation for Bane would make him a more compelling character.

5. Use setting to create tension. The stock exchange is a unique and interesting setting, but the scene doesn't take full advantage of it. Using the setting to create more tension and suspense would make the scene more engaging for the audience.



Scene 16 -  The Batman Pursuit
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS
Food Guy drives the rear bike. He looks back - sees
streetlights explode behind him - darkness catching him up.

The engine chokes and dies. The Trader jumps off, shouting
for the cops. Food Guy turns, pulling his gun. SMASH! - Food
Guy is thrown backwards off his bike by a dark wing as
BATMAN races by on the Bat-Pod.


EXT. STOCK EXCHANGE - CONTINUOUS
Foley rushes to Blake’s cruiser.
FOLEY
Let’s roll, they’ve spotted the
Batman!

EXT. HIGHWAY INTERSECTION - CONTINUOUS

The remaining bikes split up as they reach a high overpass.
54.


EXT. HIGH OVERPASS - CONTINUOUS
Batman pulls up, overlooking the intersection - pulls a
rifle-shaped device. A tone builds - he aims it at the bike
and fires.


EXT. HIGHWAY OFF-RAMP - CONTINUOUS
Janitor’s bike sparks and dies. Sirens as Cops move in,
Another bike splutters and dies - the Hostage breaks for
cover.

EXT. HIGH OVERPASS - CONTINUOUS
Batman sees the last two bikes disappear beneath an
overpass. He holsters his EMP rifle and guns the Bat-Pod.

INT. BLAKE’S CRUISER - CONTINUOUS
Foley, in the back, is using the cruiser as a mobile command
station.
FOLEY
(into radio)
Call everyone in - every car
patrol, beat cop, off-duty, too!
Pull ’em in, close every street!
Now!
Foley looks out at Gotham rushing by.
FOLEY
I’m gonna do what Gordon never
could.
BLAKE
What’s that?

FOLEY
I’m gonna take down the Batman.
BLAKE
Sir, what about the armed robbers?

Foley ignores him.
55.


EXT. GOTHAM - CONTINUOUS
All around the city, cops mobilize - cars, vans, choppers...

EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS

Bane pulls up at speed alongside Shoeshine Man. Shoeshine
Man glances inside his pack - signals ’2’. Bane turns, sees
darkness approaching, reaches back and grabs his Hostage,
lifting him onto the back of Shoeshine Man’s bike. Bane
peels off - Batman stays on Shoeshine Man.

INT. CHOPPER - CONTINUOUS
A Spotter watches Bane peel off, hits the radio.

SPOTTER
(into radio)
One bike’s pulled off, no hostage -


INT. BLAKE’S CRUISER - CONTINUOUS
Foley listens to the radio, hungry -
SPOTTER
(over radio)
Should we pursue?
FOLEY
Negative! Stay on the Batman!
BLAKE
But he’s getting away!
FOLEY
(annoyed)
Who do you want to catch? Some
robber, or the son-of-a-bitch who
killed Harvey Dent?

INT. DAGGETT’S PENTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Coverage of the pursuit blares from all the TVs, as Daggett
and Stryver watch. Tense.
TV ANNOUNCER
People aren’t saying much -
frankly, they’re too busy - but all
signs suggest that what we’re
(MORE)
56.


TV ANNOUNCER (cont’d)
seeing is, in fact, the return of
the Batman...


INT. INNER OFFICE, DAGGETT’S PENTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Moving in on a shadow, crouched in front of Daggett’s safe,
working the dial... The shadow slides up a pair of goggles
onto the top of its head creating the silhouette of cat
ears. It is Catwoman. She turns to the TV, watching the
pursuit.
CATWOMAN
Well, what do you know?
Catwoman opens the safe. Nothing inside. She frowns.


EXT. GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
Bane slips between two cruisers who tear after the Batman.
He jumps up onto a concrete barrier, then down to the mouth
of an outflow pipe. He glances at the entire Gotham Police
Department descending on one man. Disappears into the pipe.

EXT. GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS

Shoeshine Man glances into his pack - the program beeps,
finished. He looks back to see the Bat-Pod racing at him,
ducks as it comes alongside...riderless. Shoeshine Man looks
up, confused. WHUMP! His hostage is ripped off the bike by a
low-flying dark shape.

Shoeshine Man lays down the bike in a shower of sparks,
rolls off dazed. Batman grabs him.
BATMAN
WHAT WERE YOU STEALING?!

Shoeshine Man stares. Unafraid. Batman rips the computer
from his pack. The screen reads:
APPLICATION COMPLETE

Blinding light and noise as police choppers descend - sirens
everywhere. Batman grabs the USB drive from the laptop. He
jumps on the Bat-Pod - pauses, taking in the sight of
thousands of police, cars, choppers, dogs, closing in.
57.


POLICE VOICE
(over loudspeaker)
STEP AWAY FROM THE BIKE!
Batman looks at the line of stopped traffic. An empty car
transporter is below the on-ramp... Batman fires the cannons
at the transporter, the near ramp crashes down, and Batman
roars towards it - mounts it and jumps onto the on-ramp...

INT. DAGGETT’S PENTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Daggett angrily grabs some ice cubes for his drink.
DAGGETT
After eight years he has to pick
tonight...

STRYVER
He’s drawing the cops off Bane...
Daggett watches, intrigued.


INT. BLAKE’S CRUISER - CONTINUOUS
Foley shouts down the phone.
FOLEY
How did you let him go?!
COP
(over radio)
He’s got a lot of firepower -

FOLEY
And you don’t?! We’re not letting
one nut with a bad attitude and
some fancy gadgets run this town
down, you hear me?!

COP
(over radio)
He’s heading back downtown...
FOLEY
(excited)
Then he’s as dumb as he dresses -
close it down, gentlemen!
58.


EXT. GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
Thousands of police jockey to pursue the Batman as he races
back into the downtown area.
Genres: ["Action","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Batman chases after Bane's team through the streets of Gotham, with the entire police force mobilizing to catch him. Along the way, he manages to stop one of Bane's team members and retrieve some important information.
Strengths "This scene is full of action and tension, with the police force hot on Batman's tail as he goes head-to-head with Bane's team. The dialogue between characters, particularly Foley and Blake, adds to the overall intensity of the scene."
Weaknesses "The dialogue between Batman and Shoeshine Man is fairly minimal and could have been more impactful. Additionally, the scene could be stronger emotionally if there were more consequences to Batman's actions."
Critique Overall, the scene is fast-paced and action-packed, which is appropriate for a Batman film. However, there are a few areas where the writing could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue between Foley and Blake feels a bit forced and expositional. The audience already knows why the police are chasing Batman, so there's no need for someone to explicitly state that they're trying to catch him. Additionally, it doesn't make sense for Foley to completely ignore the armed robbers - it comes across as unrealistic and makes him seem like a one-dimensional character who only cares about catching Batman.

Secondly, some of the action is described in a confusing way. For example, it's not immediately clear what the "rifle-shaped device" that Batman pulls out is, or what the "program" that Shoeshine Man is using refers to. Clearer descriptions would help the audience follow the action more easily.

Finally, some of the imagery - such as "darkness catching him up" and "low-flying dark shape" - feels a bit vague and could be made more specific. This would help to create a more vivid and memorable scene for the audience.

Overall, while the scene has some minor flaws, it effectively conveys the high-stakes action of a Batman chase sequence and keeps the audience engaged.
Suggestions There are a few ways to improve this scene:

1. First, there is a lot happening in this scene - it is important to have a clear sense of what the viewer should be focusing on. Consider cutting back on some of the details or finding ways to visually indicate what is most important.

2. The dialogue between Foley and Blake in the cruiser feels somewhat clunky and on-the-nose. Could this be dialed back in favor of more visual storytelling?

3. When Batman jumps off the on-ramp, it is not entirely clear what he is jumping onto. Consider adding a clearer description or visual cue to help the viewer understand what is happening.

4. Consider exploring ways to make the action feel more specific to this story or to Batman himself. As it stands, the scene feels a bit generic. Could there be elements that speak to Batman's character or this particular storyworld?



Scene 17 -  The Bat-Pod Escape and Catwoman's Heist
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - CONTINUOUS
The Bat-Pod tears along, pursued by a phalanx of cruisers,
choppers overhead. More cops appear at the far end of the
boulevard.

The Bat-Pod executes a ninety-degree turn, flipping over as
it goes, then guns into the darkness of a large blind alley.
Cruisers and choppers block the mouth of the alley. Blake
arrives last, his cruiser sealing the bottleneck. Foley
swaggers out.
FOLEY
Like a rat in a trap, gentlemen...
Foley reaches for a loudhailer. VARRROOOOM!! A noise from
the alley that none of the cops have heard before...
VETERAN COP
You might have the wrong animal
there, sir -

Spotlights smash on and a massive dark cyclone roars out of
the alley, spinning the choppers sideways, dual rotor
downdraft forcing all the cops to the ground.
The Bat, now black, thunders up and over the entire Gotham
PD. Blake slides up to Foley. Dry.

BLAKE
Are you sure that was him?
Foley looks at Blake. Thrusts the loudhailer at him.


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Gordon, still hooked up to machines, watches TV. He smiles.

ANNOUNCER
(on TV)
Police are keeping quiet about the
prospect of a return by the Batman,
but eyewitness accounts seem the
clearly suggests the type of...
59.


INT. DAGGETT’S PENTHOUSE - NIGHT
Daggett watches the TV coverage, concerned. Stryver enters.
STRYVER
Bane says the Batman interfered,
but the task was accomplished.
DAGGETT
What about the men they arrested?

STRYVER
He says, and I quote, they would
die before talking.
DAGGETT
(grins)
Where does he find these guys?
Daggett gets to his feet, relieved, moves to his inner
office.
Open the champagne...


INT. INNER OFFICE, DAGGETT’S PENTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Daggett comes through the door, calling back.
DAGGETT
And can we get some girls in here?
CATWOMAN (O.S.)
Careful what you wish for.
Catwoman grabs him, throws him across the room. His back
slams against the wall - he draws a gun, but - WHACK! -
Catwoman pins his wrist to the wall at shoulder height using
the high heel of her boot. He whimpers as she leans in.
CATWOMAN
Cat got your tongue?
She plucks the gun from his trembling hand.
DAGGETT
You dumb bitch.

CATWOMAN
Nobody ever accused me of being
dumb.
60.


DAGGETT
Dumb to show up here tonight.
CATWOMAN
I want what you owe me -

Click - Stryver has a gun to her head.
DAGGETT
’I want’ never gets...

Stryver looks appreciatively at Catwoman as she lowers her
leg...
STRYVER
Nice outfit...those heels make it
tough to walk?

Catwoman digs her stiletto into his calf, hard. He screams.
CATWOMAN
I don’t know, do they?

Catwoman spins, disarms Stryver, grabs Daggett.
CATWOMAN
So where is it?
DAGGETT
Where’s what?
CATWOMAN
The program. The ’Clean Slate’.
DAGGETT
Oh, yeah - the ultimate tool for a
master thief with a record. I don’t
have it.
The Bodyguard bursts in, gun drawn. Catwoman, holding
Daggett, spins, kicking the window with the point of her
heel. The glass shatters. She pulls Daggett through the
window. He screams - they drop...

EXT. WINDOW-CLEANING PLATFORM - CONTINUOUS

...ten feet onto the window-cleaning platform. Catwoman uses
her bladed heel to cut a rope - the platform plunges down
the side of the building.
61.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Batman escapes police while chasing after Bane's team. Blake questions whether it was really Batman. Gordon watches news of Batman's possible return. Daggett celebrates a successful mission, but Catwoman arrives and demands the Clean Slate program. She fights off Stryver and the Bodyguard with her stilettos and escapes with Daggett using a window-cleaning platform.
Strengths "Fast-paced action scene with impressive use of the Bat-Pod. Introduces conflict between Blake and Foley regarding the true identity of Batman. Catwoman's heist adds a new layer of intrigue to the plot, revealing her motives and connection to the Clean Slate program."
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be more impactful and memorable. The chase scene could have been longer and more intense."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The action is clear and easy to follow, with vivid descriptions that make the reader feel as though they are watching the scene unfold. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Characterization: While Foley and Blake have clearly-defined personalities and motivations, the other characters (such as Daggett, Stryver, and the Bodyguard) feel more like plot devices than fully-realized individuals. It would be helpful to add more depth and nuance to these characters to make them more interesting and memorable.

2. Dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is generally effective, with the characters speaking in a way that feels natural and consistent with their personalities. However, there are a few lines that feel a bit too on-the-nose or cliched (such as Foley's "Like a rat in a trap" comment), which could be sharpened up to feel more original and authentic.

3. Visuals: While the action and setting are clearly described, there are a few moments where the visuals could be made more striking. For example, when the Bat-Pod flips over in its turn, it could be cool to describe the movement in more detail to give the reader a better sense of its acrobatics.

Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, but could benefit from some slight tweaks to enhance characterization, dialogue, and visuals.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more tension to the chase scene by giving some background about what is at stake and why the police are pursuing the Bat-Pod. This will help the audience feel invested in the outcome of the scene.

2. Provide a clearer visual description of the action in the alleyway. This will help the audience follow the action more easily and also make the scene more exciting.

3. Establish the motive for Catwoman's attack on Daggett more clearly, so that the audience understands why she is there and what she hopes to gain.

4. Make the dialogue between characters more concise and impactful. This will help the audience stay engaged and focused on the scene.



Scene 18 -  Batman and Catwoman Fight Bane's Men
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 10
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. FLAT ROOF - MOMENTS LATER
Catwoman dumps Daggett onto the roof, towering over him.
CATWOMAN
Where is it?

DAGGETT
The ’Clean Slate’? Type in a name
and date of birth and within a
couple hours that person ceases to
exist in any database? Little too
good to be true.
CATWOMAN
You’re lying. Rykin Data took it to
prototype stage -

DAGGETT
That’s why I bought them. But they
had nothing. It was a gangland
myth.

Catwoman leans back from Daggett, taking this in... Shapes
drop onto the rooftop. Emerge from fire exits. They’re not
Daggett’s bodyguards, these are Bane’s men... Catwoman holds
Daggett by the throat, threatening him.
CATWOMAN
Stay back!
They continue to approach. One of them screws a silencer
onto his gun.
CATWOMAN
I’m not bluffing!
VOICE (O.S.)
They know...

All eyes search for the source of the voice. Catwoman spots
it - a dark shape, crouched on the roof above: Batman.
BATMAN
They just don’t care.

As the Mercenary with the silencer looks up, Catwoman leaps
forward, grabs his gun. Batman drops into the middle of the
fray, fighting back Mercenaries at Catwoman’s back - she
fires at one, clipping him, he drops. She spins aiming at
another’s head - Batman yanks her arm down, forcing her to
miss the Mercenary. Batman takes him out with a kick.
62.


CATWOMAN
You’ve got to be kidding.
BATMAN
No guns. No killing.

CATWOMAN
Where’s the fun in that?
As more mercenaries come out onto the roof, Batman runs for
the far edge.

BATMAN
Come on!
Catwoman follows, confused, as Batman leaps off the roof.
She gets to the edge, pauses to look down into the alley -
sees the black angular roof of the Bat, cockpit open.
Shots impact around her - she leaps, landing hard, but
gracefully on the back of the vehicle, slides into the
cockpit. As the engines thunder into life, and the canopy
hisses shut, taking bullets from above.

CATWOMAN
My mother warned me about getting
into cars with strange men -
BATMAN
This isn’t a car.
Catwoman flinches as the Bat thunders into the sky,
downdraft forcing the Mercenaries down onto the roof, all
but one, who walks slowly across the roof, strong against
the wind...Bane. He watches the Bat roar off into the night.


EXT. ROOFTOP, SKYSCRAPER, GOTHAM - MOMENTS LATER
The Bat lands - the canopy opens. Catwoman jumps out.

CATWOMAN
See you around -
Batman steps down after her.

BATMAN
You’re welcome.
CATWOMAN
I had it under control.
63.

BATMAN
Those weren’t street thugs - they
were trained killers. I saved your
life. In return I need to know what
you did with Bruce Wayne’s
fingerprints.
Catwoman looks at him. Considering.
CATWOMAN
Wayne wasn’t kidding about a
’powerful friend’. I sold his
prints to Daggett. For something
that doesn’t even exist.
BATMAN
I doubt many people get the better
of you.
CATWOMAN
Hey, when a girl’s desperate...

BATMAN
What were they going to do with
them?
CATWOMAN
I don’t know. But Daggett seemed
pretty interested in that mess at
the stock market.
Batman considers this. A police chopper sweeps past,
searching. Batman turns to it. Then turns back.

BATMAN
Miss Kyle -?
But she is gone.
So that’s what that feels like.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Catwoman demands to know about the Clean Slate program from Daggett when Bane's men appear. Batman appears and fights alongside Catwoman. They both escape on the Bat and Bruce Wayne's fingerprints were sold to Daggett who was interested in the Stock Market mess.
Strengths "Intense action, good character dynamics between Batman and Catwoman, sets up future plot point regarding the Stock Market"
Weaknesses "Dialogue is somewhat generic and predictable"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and action-packed with good pacing. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, there is a lack of character development. While the action is exciting, we don't learn anything new about the characters or their motivations. This could be improved with some dialogue that sheds light on Catwoman and Batman's personalities.

Secondly, some of the dialogue feels unnatural. For example, when Catwoman says "My mother warned me about getting into cars with strange men," her line feels forced and too on-the-nose. It would be more effective to show, not tell, that Catwoman is cautious around Batman without relying on cliched dialogue.

Finally, the scene ends on a somewhat confusing note. Batman seemingly talks to Catwoman, but she disappears without a clear reason why. It would be clearer if there was more clarity on why Catwoman left and what Batman's next move is.

Overall, this scene is a decent action sequence, but could benefit from more character development and tighter dialogue.
Suggestions 1. The dialogue between Catwoman and Daggett could benefit from some tension and conflict. Perhaps Daggett could try to bargain with Catwoman or threaten her before finally revealing the information she needs.

2. The action sequence could be more descriptive and dynamic. Instead of just stating that Catwoman and Batman fight off the mercenaries, describe how they do it - what moves do they make, what obstacles do they overcome? This will add to the excitement and engagement of the scene for the reader.

3. The dialogue between Batman and Catwoman could use more subtext. Rather than simply stating their intentions and thoughts, their words could hint at deeper motivations or emotional states. This will make their characters more complex and interesting.

4. Finally, the ending of the scene could use more impact. After the action and dialogue, the final line, "So that's what that feels like," falls a bit flat. Consider adding a twist, reveal, or cliffhanger to leave the reader hungry for more. Perhaps Catwoman could reveal something unexpected, or the police helicopter could spot something significant.



Scene 19 -  Introducing Bane and Analyzing the Situation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. BATCAVE - NIGHT
Alfred is studying security camera footage of Bane killing
at the stock exchange. A roar builds - the waterfall glows
brighter until...SMASH! The Bat breaches, downdraft spraying
water. Two cubes rise - the Bat lands, Batman jumps out.
Alfred brushes water off his suit.
ALFRED
Very inconspicuous. Shall I tell
the neighbors you got yourself a
new leaf-blower?
64.


WAYNE
We bought all the neighbors.
Alfred takes the cowl from him, then the cape, as they walk.
ALFRED
From the look of the television
coverage, you seem to have your
taste for wanton destruction back.
WAYNE
(pulls out USB drive)
I retrieved this.
ALFRED
Shouldn’t the police be gathering
the evidence?

WAYNE
They don’t have the tools to
analyze it.
ALFRED
They would if you gave them to them
-
WAYNE
One man’s tool is another man’s
weapon.

ALFRED
In your mind, perhaps. But there
aren’t many things you couldn’t
turn into a weapon.

WAYNE
Alfred. Enough. The police weren’t
getting it done -
ALFRED
Perhaps they would’ve if you
haven’t made a sideshow of
yourself.
WAYNE
Perhaps you’re upset you were
wrong.
ALFRED
Wrong?
65.


WAYNE
You thought I didn’t have it in me.
Alfred looks at him. Puts down the cape and cowl.
ALFRED
You don’t. You lead a bloated
police force on a merry chase with
some fancy new toys from Fox. What
about when you come up against him.
What then?

Alfred points to the monitor - Wayne sees Bane killing...
WAYNE
I’ll fight harder, I always have.

ALFRED
When you had something to fight
for. What are you fighting for now?
Not your life.
Wayne moves to switch off the monitor. Alfred grabs his
hand.
ALFRED
Take a good look. At his speed, his
ferocity, His training. I see the
power of belief. Of the fanatic. I
see the League of Shadows
resurgent.
WAYNE
You said he was excommunicated.

ALFRED
By Rā’s al Ghūl. Who leads them
now?
WAYNE
Rā’s al Ghūl was the League of
Shadows. And I beat him. Bane’s
just a mercenary, and we have to
find out what he’s up to.
Wayne plugs the USB in, hits keys. Text scrolls.

WAYNE
Trades of some kind. Coded...
The screen blanks, a thumb print appears.
66.


ALFRED
Is that -?
WAYNE
Mine. Courtesy of Selina Kyle.

Wayne pulls out the USB, rises.
Get this to Fox - he can crack the
code and tell us what trades they
were executing.

Alfred looks at Wayne. Takes the USB.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Alfred shows Bruce footage of Bane's attack at the stock exchange. Bruce hands over a USB drive with important information and Alfred questions whether the police should have it instead. Alfred expresses concerns about Bane's abilities and allegiances, causing Bruce to plug the USB in to try and figure out his plans. The scene ends with Alfred taking the USB to Lucius Fox to decode the trade information.
Strengths "Introduces and builds tension around the new antagonist, sets up future plot points, strong character interactions between Alfred and Bruce"
Weaknesses "Mostly expository dialogue, less action-driven than surrounding scenes"
Critique Overall, the scene functions well in terms of advancing the plot and character development. However, it could benefit from some tightening and improvement in the dialogue.

One issue is that the dialogue between Alfred and Wayne feels a bit on the nose in terms of their philosophical disagreements. While it's okay to have characters express their beliefs and opinions, the dialogue could be more subtle and less expositional.

Another issue is the use of cliches and predictable lines, such as "They don't have the tools to analyze it" and "One man’s tool is another man’s weapon." These lines feel trite and don't add much to the scene.

There is also a missed opportunity for more visual storytelling. The scene could have utilized more shots of the security footage and the coded trades on the computer screen, rather than relying solely on dialogue to convey the information.

Overall, the scene has potential, but could benefit from some refinement in the dialogue and visual storytelling.
Suggestions - Firstly, there is an issue with the pacing. The scene starts off with action and excitement but quickly slows down with dialogue. It might be beneficial to restructure the scene so that the dialogue comes earlier on.

- Additionally, there is a lack of emotion in the dialogue. The conversation between Alfred and Wayne feels very matter-of-fact, whereas there could be a lot more emotional weight to it. This could be achieved by delving into the characters' feelings and motivations more.

- The dialogue also feels very on-the-nose and explanatory. Instead of just spelling everything out, it could be more effective to show, rather than tell. For example, instead of having Alfred say "you seem to have your taste for wanton destruction back", there could be a scene earlier in the movie where this is demonstrated.

- Finally, it might be helpful to add more visual description to the scene. As a screenwriter, it's important to not just rely on dialogue to carry everything. Including more specific visual cues can help to paint a clearer picture of the action and create a more cohesive scene.



Scene 20 -  Alfred's Ultimatum
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. HALL, WAYNE MANOR - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)
As Wayne hits the bottom of the stairs, Alfred calls.

ALFRED
I’ll get this to Fox. But no more.
Waynne hears his tone of voice. Turns to him.

ALFRED
I’ve sewn you up and set your
bones...but I won’t bury you. I’ve
buried enough members of the Wayne
family.

WAYNE
You’d abandon me?
ALFRED
You see only one end to your story.
Leaving is all I have to make you
understand: you aren’t Batman
anymore - you have to find another
way. You used to talk about
finishing. About life beyond that
awful cave -

WAYNE
Rachel died knowing we’d decided to
be together. That was my life
beyond this cave and I can’t just
move on. She didn’t. She couldn’t.

Alfred considers this. Looks away.
ALFRED
What if he had? What if she wasn’t
intending to make a life with you?
67.


WAYNE
She was, I can’t change that -
ALFRED
What if, before she died, she’d
written a letter? Explaining that
she’d chosen Harvey Dent over you?
Wayne watches, confused, as the old man prepares to say -
ALFRED
And what if, to spare you
pain...I’d burned that letter?
Wayne stares at Alfred, shocked.
WAYNE
Why would you say such a thing?
ALFRED
Because I have to make you
understand.

WAYNE
You’re lying.
ALFRED
Because you are as precious to me
as you were to your own mother and
father and I swore to them that I
would protect you and I haven’t.
WAYNE
You’re lying!

ALFRED
I’ve never lied to you. Except when
I burned Rachel’s letter.
Wayne turns on the old man, furious.

WAYNE
How dare you use Rachel to stop me!
ALFRED
I’m using the truth, Master Wayne.
Maybe it’s time we all stopped
trying to outsmart the truth and
just let it have its day. I’m
sorry.
68.


WAYNE
Sorry?! You expect to destroy my
world, then shake hands?!
ALFRED
No. I know what this means -
WAYNE
What does it mean, Alfred?!
ALFRED
It means your hatred. It means
losing the person I’ve cared for
ever since I heard his first cries
echo through this house. But it
might also mean saving your life.
And that is more important.

Wayne looks at Alfred. Furious. Summons the worst thing to
say and says it quietly and calmly.
WAYNE
Goodbye, Alfred.

ALFRED
(quiet)
Goodbye, Bruce.
Wayne mounts the stairs...Alfred watches him go. Turns.


INT. MASTER BEDROOM, WAYNE MANOR - MORNING
Wayne is woken by the doorbell.


INT. STAIRCASE, WAYNE MANOR - MOMENTS LATER
As Wayne moves through the empty house, tying his dressing
gown, he can’t resist one tentative.

WAYNE
Alfred?
But Alfred is gone.


INT. FRONT HALL, WAYNE MANOR - CONTINUOUS
Wayne opens the front door the find Fox. Fox is surprised.
69.


FOX
Answering your own door?
WAYNE
Yes. Could you decode the trades on
that drive?

Fox hands Wayne a newspaper - the main headline:
BATMAN BACK TO FOIL OR MASTERMIND STOCK RAID...

FOX
I didn’t need to. Page three.
Wayne turns the page:
WAYNE DOUBLES DOWN - AND LOSES...

FOX
It seems you made a series of large
put options on the futures
exchange. Verified by thumb print.
The options expired at midnight
last night.
Wayne looks up from the newspaper, reeling.
FOX
Long term we may be able to prove
fraud, but for now...you’re
completely broke. And Wayne
Enterprises is about to fall into
the hands of John Daggett.
WAYNE
The weapons - we can’t let Daggett
get his hands on Applied Sciences -
FOX
Applied Sciences is shut up tight,
and off the books. The energy
project is a different story.
WAYNE
Miranda Tate. We need to convince
the board to get behind her. Let’s
show her the reactor -
FOX
We’re meeting her there in
thirty-five minutes. You better get
dressed.
70.

EXT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES RECYCLING PLANT - DAY
A scrapyard on the Gotham river. Across the water, the
towers of Gotham. Lucius leads Miranda from her car.
MIRANDA
You brought me out here to show me
a rubbish dump, Mr. Fox?

FOX
Bear with me, Miss Tate.
They arrive at a Portakabin and enter.


INT. PORTAKABIN - CONTINUOUS
Miranda looks around the derelict office. Fox smiles at her.
FOX
Keep your hands and feet inside the
car at all times.
He hits a button and the floor descends, Miranda is shocked
as the office becomes an elevator into -
Genres: ["Action","Drama"]

Summary Alfred gives Bruce an ultimatum: to give up the Batman persona or risk destroying his own life. Bruce becomes furious and dismisses Alfred from his life forever. Bruce wakes up to find out that he has lost everything. Lucius Fox tells him about the fraud committed in his name, Wayne Enterprises is about to fall into the hands of John Daggett, and he is completely broke. They decide to meet Miranda Tate, who is interested in the energy project and can help them save Wayne Enterprises.
Strengths "The emotional conflict between Bruce and Alfred is intense and compelling, driving home the message that Bruce's obsession with being Batman has severe consequences for his personal life. The plot twist of Bruce losing everything is also well executed."
Weaknesses "The dialogue in some parts of the scene can come off as a bit clunky."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, but there are some minor critique points. Firstly, the dialogue feels a bit exposition-heavy at times, especially when Alfred explains his backstory and motivations. It would be more effective to show rather than tell, and let the audience deduce these things for themselves through the characters' actions and interactions.

Secondly, there are some confusing jumps in time and space, such as when the scene shifts from Wayne's bedroom to the front hall without a clear transition. Some quick establishing shots or simple scene description would help to orient the audience and make the scene flow better.

Finally, while the dialogue is generally strong, there are some moments where the characters' emotions and motivations feel a bit flattened or abrupt. For example, Wayne's sudden turn from angry to confused when Alfred reveals he burned Rachel's letter feels overly dramatic, while Alfred's decision to reveal this information at such a critical moment seems forced. Some more nuanced character building and foreshadowing could improve these moments and make the emotional beats land more effectively.
Suggestions a secret underground laboratory.

To improve this scene, I would suggest focusing on the emotions and motivations of the characters. The dialogue is well-written and establishes the tension between Wayne and Alfred, but I would like to see more of their relationship and history together. It would be helpful to know why Wayne is so resistant to Alfred's suggestion that he needs to find a new way of being a hero. Additionally, it would be useful to know why Alfred is so dedicated to protecting Wayne and why he is willing to lie to him about Rachel's letter.

To make this scene more impactful, I would suggest adding more visual elements to show the emotions and tension between the characters. For example, having Wayne drop something when Alfred tells him about burning Rachel's letter, or having Alfred break down and cry when Wayne tells him goodbye. Adding these elements can help the audience feel more connected to the characters and understand their motivations better. Finally, the transition to the next scene could be smoother by adding more context to why Wayne needs to get dressed and go to the meeting with Miranda Tate.



Scene 21 -  Wayne's Last Stand
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. ELEVATOR, FUSION REACTOR - CONTINUOUS
They descend diagonally into a massive concrete tunnel...
MIRANDA
This is it, isn’t it?

FOX
The reactor is beneath the river so
that it could be instantly flooded
in an event of a security breach.

MIRANDA
Is Bruce Wayne really that
paranoid?
FOX
I’m gonna plead the fifth on that
one.
Miranda marvels as they step off the elevator. She spots a
figure deep within: Bruce Wayne.

WAYNE
I thought you might like to see
what your investment built.
71.

MIRANDA
No radiation, no fossil fuels.
Free, clean energy for an entire
city.
WAYNE
If it worked. It doesn’t.
Wayne leads Miranda to the core. Two perpendicular rings of
electromagnets suspend a bowling-ball-sized mass of metal.
Wayne hits buttons - the ball glows, then dies to cold.
WAYNE
Ignition, yes. But no chain
reaction.

MIRANDA
You’ve built a lot of security
around a damp squib.
Nothing.
About three years ago a Russian
scientist published a paper on
weaponized fusion reactions. One
week later your reactor started
developing problems... (Looks at
Wayne.) I think this machine works.

WAYNE
Miranda, if it were operational,
the danger to Gotham would be too
great.

MIRANDA
Would it make you feel better to
know that the Russian scientist
died in a plane crash six months
ago?

WAYNE
Someone else will work out what Dr.
Pavel did. Someone else will figure
out how to turn this power source
into a nuclear weapon. I need you
to take control of Wayne
Enterprises and this reactor.
MIRANDA
And to do what with it?

WAYNE
Nothing. Until we can find a way to
guarantee its safety.
72.

MIRANDA
And if we can’t?

WAYNE
Decommission it. Flood it.
MIRANDA
Destroy the world’s best chance for
a sustainable future?

WAYNE
If the world’s not ready. Yes.
MIRANDA
Bruce, if you want to save the
world you have to start trusting
it.
WAYNE
I’m trusting you.

MIRANDA
Doesn’t count. You have no choice.
WAYNE
I could’ve flooded this chamber any
time in the last three years. I’m
choosing to trust you, Miranda, and
that’s not the easiest thing for
me. Please.
His eyes are genuine. Pleading. Miranda nods.

FOX
We have a board meeting to get to.

INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY

The Board Members, including Daggett and Miranda, take their
seats. Fox at one end of the table, Wayne at the other.
DAGGETT
I’d like to point out that we have
a non-board member here. Highly
irregular, even if it is his family
name above the door...
All eyes go to Wayne. An older member of the board pipes up.

FREDERICKS
Bruce Wayne’s family built this
company -
73.


BOARD MEMBER 2
And he himself has run it -
DAGGETT
Into the ground, sir. Anybody
disagree? Check the value of your
shares this morning. Gambling on
crazy futures didn’t just lose Mr.
Wayne his seat, it’s lost us all a
lot of money. He needs to leave.

FOX
I’m afraid he has a point, Mr.
Wayne.
WAYNE
I understand. Ladies and gentlemen.

Wayne glances at Miranda who nods at him. Wayne leaves.
DAGGETT
Let’s get down to business.

FOX
Right away.

INT. LOBBY, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS

Wayne exits the building. There is an angry mob of
Shareholders and a pack of hungry Reporters.
REPORTER
Wayne, how’s it feel to be one of
the people?!

COMPANY VALET
I’m sorry, sir, they had paperwork
-

Wayne looks over to see his Lamborghini being towed.
BLAKE (O.S.)
Looks like you need a lift.
Wayne turns to see Blake standing by his patrol car. Nods.
74.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Drama","Action"]

Summary Miranda and Fox tour the clean energy reactor, while Wayne shows them why it's not functional. Miranda offers to help save Wayne Enterprises and take control of the reactor. At the board meeting, Wayne is ousted as CEO and left to face angry shareholders and reporters. Blake offers Wayne a ride.
Strengths "Good pacing, strong character motivations, well-developed theme of trust vs. control"
Weaknesses "Dialogue can be overly expositional at times"
Critique Overall, this scene effectively sets up the stakes for the story and introduces important characters and their motivations. However, there are a few areas for potential improvement.

Firstly, some of the dialogue could feel a bit on-the-nose or expositional, particularly when Wayne explains the reactor's security measures or Miranda mentions the Russian scientist's paper. While these details are important to the story, finding a way to convey them more organically could improve the scene's flow and realism.

Additionally, the pacing of the scene could be tightened in places. For example, the exchange between Daggett and Frederick feels a bit redundant, as they both essentially say the same thing about Bruce's leadership. Condensing or cutting this exchange, or finding a way to make it more dynamic, could help keep the audience engaged.

Finally, the action line at the end of the scene - "Wayne exits the building. There is an angry mob of shareholders and a pack of hungry reporters" - could benefit from more specific and vivid detail. What do the shareholders and reporters look like? How does Wayne react to them? Adding more sensory details could make this moment more impactful and immersive.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Consider adding more visual elements to make the elevator descent more exciting. For example, maybe the elevator is shaking or there are warning signs flashing.
- Try to make Miranda and Fox's conversation more dynamic and less expository. Maybe have them bicker a bit or reveal more personal details about themselves.
- Consider using more active, specific verbs when describing the reactor and its components. Right now the description is a bit vague and doesn't give a clear sense of what's happening.
- Work on making Wayne's reluctance to use the reactor more clear earlier in the scene. Right now, it doesn't feel like enough of a conflict until he specifically brings it up.
- Consider adding more tension to the board meeting. Maybe Daggett could reveal some information that threatens Miranda's position or Wayne's credibility.
- Try to make Wayne's exit from the building more dramatic. Maybe he has to fight his way through the angry mob, or he has a conversation with Blake that reveals some information about their relationship.



Scene 22 -  Daggett and Bane meet
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. DAGGETT’S PENTHOUSE - DAY
Daggett bursts in, furious. Stryver tries to placate him.
DAGGETT
How the hell did Miranda Tate get
the inside track on the Wayne
board?! Was she meeting with Wayne?
Was she sleeping with Wayne?
STRYVER
Not that we know of -
DAGGETT
Clearly you don’t ’know of’
anything, do you?! Where’s Bane?!

STRYVER
We told him it was urgent -
DAGGETT
Then where is the masked -

BANE (O.S.)
Speak of the devil...
Daggett turns. Bane is already there.
BANE
...and he shall appear.
DAGGETT
What the hell’s going on?
BANE
The plan is proceeding as expected.
DAGGETT
You see me running Wayne
Enterprises?! (Moves towards Bane.)
Your stock exchange hit didn’t
work, friend. And now you’ve got my
construction crews working all
hours around the city? How’s that
supposed to help my company absorb
Wayne’s?

BANE
(to Stryver)
Leave us.
75.


DAGGETT
You stay right there! I’m in
charge!
Bane places a gentle hand on Daggett’s shoulder.

BANE
Do you feel in charge?
Daggett is taken aback. Stryver leaves.

DAGGETT
I’ve paid you a small fortune -
BANE
And that gives you power over me?

Daggett considers the heavy hand on his shoulder. Nervous.
DAGGETT
What is this?
BANE
Your money and infrastructure have
been important. Till now.
DAGGETT
What are you?

BANE
Gotham’s reckoning. Come to end the
borrowed time you’ve all been
living on...

Bane gently takes the terrified Daggett’s head in his
hands...
DAGGETT
You are true evil...

BANE
I am necessary evil.
Stryver, on the steps outside the living room, flinches.


SCENE OMITTED
76.


INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - MOMENTS LATER
Wayne stares out the window. Blake glances across.
BLAKE
When you began...why the mask?

WAYNE
To protect the people closest to
me.

BLAKE
You’re a loner with no family.
WAYNE
There are always people you care
about. You just don’t realize how
much until they’re gone. (Collects
himself.) The idea was to be a
symbol. Batman could be anybody,
that was the point.
BLAKE
It was damn good to see him back.
WAYNE
Not everybody agrees.
BLAKE
They’ll figure it out in the end.
WAYNE
Got anything on Bane’s whereabouts?
BLAKE
Yeah, I’ve got five hundred pages
of tunnel records and a flashlight.
I could use some help.
WAYNE
(thinks)
You know what? Drop me in Old
Town...

EXT. SELINA’S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - DAY

Blake drops Wayne off.
WAYNE
Don’t wait. I’ll get a cab.
77.

BLAKE
You got money?

WAYNE
(smiles, sheepish)
Actually, no.
Blake hands him some bills, watches him cross the street.
The radio squawks. Blake reacts - drives off.


INT. SELINA’S APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER
Selina is packing a bag. She hears voices in the stairwell.

JEN (O.S.)
I told you, money first.
WAYNE (O.S.)
I don’t think so.


INT. STAIRWELL OUTSIDE SELINA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Selina finds Wayne standing there with Jen.
SELINA
He’s not a mark.
Jen looks at Selina. At Wayne.
SELINA
And he doesn’t have a cent to his
name, anyway.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Daggett confronts Bane about the failure of the stock exchange hit and the impact of his actions on Wayne's company. Bane asserts his power and reveals his plan to take down Gotham. Meanwhile, Wayne and Blake discuss Batman, and Wayne heads to Selina's apartment.
Strengths "Strong buildup of tension and conflict between Daggett and Bane, reveals more about Bane's motivations and plan for Gotham."
Weaknesses "Dialogue between Wayne and Blake feels slightly forced, lack of emotional impact in the scene."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys tension and conflict between Daggett, Bane, and Stryver. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the power dynamic at play between the characters. The introduction of Bane adds an element of danger and mystery to the scene.

One potential criticism is that the scene does not have a clear purpose or goal, other than to establish Bane as a villain and his relationship with Daggett as one of power and control. It may benefit from a clearer objective for the characters, or a deeper exploration of their motivations.

Additionally, while the dialogue is effective, it may be helpful to vary the sentence structures and add in more description and action to break up the back-and-forth exchanges. Some physical actions and reactions from the characters would make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

Overall, this is a solid scene with strong dialogue and characterizations, but it could benefit from a clearer objective and more varied writing style.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI, my suggestions to improve the scene are:

1. Clarify the stakes: Make it clear why Daggett is so furious about Miranda Tate's involvement with Wayne Enterprises. What is at stake for him and his company?

2. Show, don't tell: Instead of just having Daggett and Bane talk about their power dynamic, show how Bane's actions are affecting Daggett's business. Maybe have a scene where Daggett's construction crews are sabotaged by Bane, causing delays and financial losses.

3. Bring more depth to Wayne and Blake's conversation: Instead of just having them talk about Batman and Bane, show how their personal motivations are driving their actions. Maybe have Wayne share more about his guilt over his parents' death and how that led him to become Batman.

4. Develop Selina's character: She plays a small role in the current scene, but could be given more depth and complexity. Maybe have her reveal more about her motivations and why she is packing a bag.



Scene 23 -  A Night of Losses
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SELINA’S APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER
Wayne looks at the cramped space. Selina shifts,
embarrassed.
SELINA
Yeah, it’s not much. (Smiles.) But
it’s more that you’ve got right
now.
WAYNE
Actually, they’re letting me keep
the house.

SELINA
(shakes head)
The rich don’t even go broke same
as the rest of us, huh?
78.


WAYNE
(spots her bag)
Vacation?
SELINA
Let’s just say that I’ve incurred
the wrath of some people less
susceptible to my charms than you.
WAYNE
My powerful friend hopes to change
your mind about leaving.
SELINA
And how would he do that?
WAYNE
By giving you what you want.
SELINA
It doesn’t exist.
WAYNE
He says it does. He wants to meet.
Tonight.
SELINA
Why?

WAYNE
He needs to find Bane. He thinks
you’d know how.
SELINA
Tell him I’ll think about it.
Wayne nods, starts to leave.
SELINA
Mr. Wayne? I’m sorry they took all
your money.
WAYNE
No, you’re not.


INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY
Blake moves through the hospital corridor, looking for -
79.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Blake enters. Gordon is sitting up in bed, talking to Foley.
FOLEY
Can we help you, officer?
BLAKE
John Daggett’s body was found in a
dumpster an hour ago. I thought you
might like to know.

GORDON
Why?
BLAKE
Because Daggett’s name is all over
the permits I pulled to map the
tunnels under Gotham.
Blake hands Gordon a stack of files. Foley glares at Blake.

BLAKE
MTA maintenance, sewer
construction...
GORDON
(to Foley)
Where did you get to with the
tunnel searches?
FOLEY
(to Blake)
Remind me to tell the detail to
keep hotheads out. (To Gordon.)
We’ve had teams down there, but
it’s a huge network -
GORDON
Get more men, work a grid. I want
him found.
FOLEY
Yeah, yeah - the masked man. We’re
on it.

Gordon eyes the files hungrily - glances up at Blake.
GORDON
This is good work. Lose the uniform
- you’re working for me now. We
could use some hotter heads around
here.
80.


BLAKE
This could just be a coincidence.
GORDON
You’re a detective now, son, you’re
not allowed to believe in
coincidence anymore.
Blake tries to conceal his excitement from Foley.


EXT. WAYNE MANOR - EVENING (END OF DAY)
Wayne, covering his head with a newspaper, hurries up the
driveway in the rain. Steps into the alcove. Hits the bell.
MIRANDA (O.S)
Nobody’s answering.
Wayne turns to find Miranda there.
WAYNE
No. I’m on my own now.

MIRANDA
Do you have keys?
Wayne looks a little helpless all of a sudden.

WAYNE
Never needed them...
She takes his hand.
MIRANDA
Let’s find a window.

INT. GREAT ROOM, WAYNE MANOR - CONTINUOUS (END OF DAY)
They force the French windows - enter, brushing off the
rain.
MIRANDA
Fox worked the board like you’ve
never seen - I’m in, Daggett’s out
and he’s not happy.
Wayne sets down the newspaper:
FROM BILLIONAIRE TO BUM
81.


WAYNE
Hope you don’t like me for your
money.
Miranda kicks off her shoes. Glances at the paper.

MIRANDA
Suffering builds character.
Then at a photo of Wayne’s parents.

MIRANDA
I’ll take care of your parents’
legacy, Bruce.
Miranda picks up a photo of Rachel.

MIRANDA
Who’s this?
Wayne looks at her. Can’t find words...
MIRANDA
Where’s Alfred?
WAYNE
He left. Taking everything.
Miranda puts the photo down. Kisses him. Passionately. Then
again. He kisses back. Suddenly the lights go out.
MIRANDA
What’s that?

WAYNE
(sheepish)
I think my power’s been shut off.
Genres: ["Action","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Bruce loses everything he had and is left with nothing. Miranda visits Wayne Manor and offers help to save Wayne Enterprises. Selina and Wayne discuss Bane and meet to consider a proposal. Blake finds new evidence about Daggett and teams up with Gordon. Wayne and Miranda share a moment of intimacy before the power goes out.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue between Selina and Wayne
  • Blake's character development
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes lack detail and explanation
Critique
Suggestions 1. Consider adding more visual details to the scene to create a more vivid mental image for the audience.
2. Add more depth to Selina's character. As it stands, she seems like a throwaway character.
3. Add more conflict to the scene to make it more engaging.
4. Consider adding more subtext to what the characters are saying to make it more interesting for the audience.
5. Make sure the scene has a clear purpose in the larger narrative and advances the plot in a meaningful way.



Scene 24 -  Wayne's Choice
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. SAME - LATER (NIGHT)

Wayne watches as Miranda tends to a roaring fire.
WAYNE
You’re pretty good at that.

MIRANDA
When I was a child we had almost
nothing. But on the nights we had a
fire, we felt very rich indeed.
She returns to him, pulling a blanket around both of them.
82.

WAYNE
I assumed your family was wealthy.
MIRANDA
Not always. Not when I was young.

He traces a scar on her shoulder.
MIRANDA
An old mistake.

WAYNE
I’ve made a few myself.
She turns to him, tracing the scars across his chest.
MIRANDA
More than a few... (Smiles.) We
could leave. Tonight. Take my
plane. Go anywhere we wanted.
WAYNE
Someday perhaps. Not tonight.
She pulls him close. He kisses her. They fold into each
other, the warm heart at the center of a vast, cold room.


INT. GREAT ROOM, WAYNE MANOR - NIGHT
Miranda is sleeping, wrapped in the blanket. Wayne studies
her for a moment, then slips out...


INT. BATCAVE - MOMENTS LATER
Wayne moves to the Batsuit. Picks up the cowl.

EXT. SKIES ABOVE GOTHAM - NIGHT

The Bat roars towards downtown. Batman kills the lights and
main engines - the Bat quietly autorotates into the canyons.

INT. MIA TUNNEL - LATER

Catwoman on a wall, watching trains go by. She senses...
CATWOMAN
Don’t be shy.

...Batman is there.
83.


CATWOMAN
Wayne says you can get me the
’Clean Slate’.
BATMAN
That depends.
CATWOMAN
On what?
BATMAN
On what you want it for. I acquired
it to keep it out of the wrong
hands.
CATWOMAN
Still don’t trust me, huh? How can
we change that?
BATMAN
Start by taking me to Bane.
CATWOMAN
(shrugs)
You asked.
Catwoman jumps down. Batman follows. Catwoman leads him down
into a service tunnel...


INT. SERVICE TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS
Catwoman speaks over her shoulder as she walks.
CATWOMAN
From here, Bane’s men patrol the
tunnels...and they are not your
average brawlers.
BATMAN
Neither am I.
Catwoman swings into a -

INT. SEWER TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS

A Mercenary patrols. Catwoman comes up behind.
CATWOMAN
He’s behind you.
84.


MERCENARY
(spins)
Who?
Batman hangs upside down behind him.

BATMAN (O.S.)
Me.
Darkness smashes onto the Mercenary. Gunfire in the tunnel.
Catwoman races along, pursued by a Mercenary. He is yanked
off his feet by darkness - he screams...
Batman picks off more and more Mercenaries. Screams echo...
Batman follows Catwoman through the dark tunnel.
CATWOMAN
Just a little further.
A grate slams down, separating them - the lights come on. He
is deep inside.
Genres: ["Action","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary Wayne spends an intimate moment with Miranda, but ultimately decides to don the Batsuit and confront Bane. He meets up with Catwoman to ask for her help in finding Bane.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequence
  • Character development for Wayne and Miranda
  • Romantic tension between Wayne and Miranda
Weaknesses
  • Lack of conflict between Wayne and Miranda
  • Slightly repetitive action
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. However, there are a few areas of improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue between Wayne and Miranda could be more specific and reveal more about their characters. The exchange about the fire feels somewhat generic and could benefit from more unique details that reflect their individual experiences.

Secondly, the transition from Wayne watching Miranda sleep to him suddenly being in the Batcave feels abrupt. It may be helpful to include a brief scene or shot that shows him leaving the room and making his way to the Batcave.

Finally, the action sequence in the service tunnel could use more descriptive language that creates a clearer picture of the setting and the physical movements of the characters. This will help make the action more impactful and easier for the reader to follow.

Overall, with a few tweaks, this scene has the potential to be even more dynamic and engaging.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- The dialogue between Wayne and Miranda could use some more depth and character development. It feels a bit generic and predictable. Maybe add some specific details about their pasts or personal struggles that make them more interesting and relatable.

- The transition from Wayne leaving Miranda to the Batcave scene feels abrupt and could be smoother. Maybe add a transition shot or some internal monologue that shows Wayne grappling with his decision to leave.

- The dialogue between Batman and Catwoman is also a bit thin. They've had a complicated relationship up until this point, so their conversation should reflect that. Maybe have some tension or conflict between them, or reveal more about their motivations for working together (or not).

- The action sequences are described in a way that feels a bit rushed and hard to visualize. Try to be more specific about the fight choreography and setting so that the reader can really picture what's happening. Also, consider adding more sensory details to make the scenes more immersive (sounds, smells, textures, etc.).



Scene 25 -  Batman vs Bane
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. BANE’S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS
Mercenaries look down on him from above. Catwoman turns.
CATWOMAN
I had to find a way to stop them
trying to kill me.
BATMAN
You’ve made a serious mistake.
BANE (O.S.)
Not as serious as yours, I fear.
Batman turns. Bane emerges from behind the waterfalls.
BATMAN
Bane.
BANE
Let’s not stand on ceremony here,
Mr. Wayne.

Catwoman hears the name. Less sure of what she’s done.
Batman moves at Bane - strikes powerful blows - Bane catches
his fist.
BANE
Peace has cost you strength.
Victory has defeated you.
85.


Bane SMASHES Batman back - kicks him off the catwalk -
Batman drops, uses his cape to land. Bane climbs down on a
chain - his men watch in disciplined silence - Batman hurls
flashbangs at Bane, who doesn’t flinch.

BANE
Theatricality and deception are
powerful agents...to the
uninitiated.
Batman lashes out at Bane - Bane counters - they separate.

BANE
But we are initiated, aren’t we,
Bruce? The League of Shadows. And
you betrayed us...

BATMAN
Us? You were excommunicated. From a
gang of psychopaths.
BANE
Now I am the Legue of Shadows, here
to fulfill Rā’s al Ghūl’s
destiny...
Batman hurls himself at bane, throwing his into the
waterfall, where he smashes his fists and gauntlets into
Bane’s mask again and again, water cascading over them.

Bane is not moving. Just taking the blows. Batman pauses.
Bane’s arms SHOOT OUT, SMASHING Batman aside - Bane RISES...
BANE
You fight like a younger man.
Nothing held back. No reserves.
Admirable. But mistaken.
Batman hits a switch on his belt - the lights go out - Bane
turns slowly addressing all the shadows at once.

BANE
You think darkness is your ally.
But you merely adopted the dark. I
was born in it. Formed by it...

In the shadows, Batman circles, looking to strike...
BANE
I didn’t see the light until I was
already a man. And by then it was
nothing to me but blinding...
86.


Bane lunges backwards into the darkness - Batman’s throat in
his grasp.
BANE
The shadows betray you, because
they belong to me...

Bane SMASHES him into the ground, POUNDING, pounding,
pounding the hard cowl with his bare fists until it CRACKS.
Bane RISES from Batman, gestures to the ceiling of the
chamber - explosive charges have been drilled into holes...
BANE
I will show you where I’ve made my
home while preparing to bring
justice. Then...I will break you.

A Mercenary tosses Bane a detonator - Batman watches through
cracked cowl - Bane hits the detonator - explosions BURST
over his head as the ceiling CRUMBLES revealing:
Applied Sciences - Bane has dropped the bottom out of Fox’s
weapons store...a camouflage Tumbler rests in the rubble.
BATMAN
No...
BANE
Your precious armory. Gratefully
accepted. We will need it.

INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - CONTINUOUS

Mercenaries race through the stacks of equipment...

INT. BANE’S LAIR, SEWERS - CONTINUOUS
Batman climbs to his feet, swaying. Bane approaches.

BANE
I wondered which would break first
- your spirit...

Batman SWINGS at him - misses - Bane GRABS him, lifts him
HIGH.
...or your body.
Bane brings Batman down onto his knee, BREAKING his back
with a horrific CRACK.
87.


In the shadows, Catwoman looks on. Shocked. Bane crouches to
pull the broken cowl off the broken Wayne. Mercenaries lift
Wayne’s body and carry him off... Bane stares into the
hollow eyes of his trophy...

Catwoman slinks back into the shadows, and we -
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE IN:


EXT. WAYNE MANOR - DAY
Blake’s cruiser pulls up. He noses up to the windows.
Nothing.


EXT. SELINA’S BUILDING, OLD TOWN, GOTHAM - DAY
Blake sits in his cruiser. Selina exits, wide-brimmed hat,
bags. Blake recognizes her. She hails a cab.

BLAKE
(into radio)
Get Commissioner Gordon. Tell him
I’ve got a line on the
Congressman’s kidnapping.

Blake pulls out to follow.

INT. TERMINAL, GOTHAM INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
Selina moves through the terminal. She clocks a Uniform Cop
staring at her - ducks down a service hallway.

INT. SERVICE HALLWAY, AIRPORT - CONTINUOUS
The Uniform rounds the corner to find Selina applying
make-up.
UNIFORM
Excuse me, Miss. I need to see your
ticket and identification, please.

Selina, surprised, fumbles with her purse.
SELINA
Would you mind?
88.


She hands the Uniform her had - punches him through the
brim, stuffs him in a closet - plants her mangled hat on his
head.


INT. JETWAY, AIRPORT - MOMENTS LATER
Selina makes her way down the jetway - spots Security at the
far end - turns - Blake smiles at her. Badge in hand.
Genres: ["Action","Superhero","Thriller"]

Summary In Bane's lair, Batman confronts him and a fight ensues in which Batman gets severely injured. Bane reveals his plan to take down Gotham and his men steal weapons from Wayne Enterprises' Applied Sciences. Blake follows Selina, who has disguised herself as a uniform cop, and they both end up at the airport.
Strengths "Intense fight scene, revealing of Bane's plan, Selina's clever disguise"
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be improved"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with strong dialogue and action. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

First, the opening description of the setting could be more detailed and effective. Instead of simply stating "Mercenaries look down on him from above," it would be better to describe the setting in more depth to make it clearer for the reader.

Second, Catwoman's line of "I had to find a way to stop them trying to kill me" feels a bit forced and unnatural. It may benefit from a bit more context or explanation to make it more believable.

Third, the fight scene between Batman and Bane could be better choreographed. While the dialogue is strong, the action could benefit from more detail and description to make it feel more dynamic.

Finally, the transition from Selina's storyline to Blake's feels a bit abrupt and disjointed. It may benefit from a smoother transition or more context to make it clearer for the reader.

Overall, this scene has strong elements but could benefit from more attention to detail and clarity in certain areas.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Add more description and detail to the setting. The scene takes place in Bane's lair, but we don't get a vivid sense of what the environment looks, sounds, and feels like. Adding sensory details can help the audience immerse themselves in the scene.

2. Slow down the pacing in the fight scene between Batman and Bane. It feels rushed and difficult to follow at times. Giving more attention to the choreography and the physicality of the fight can make it more impactful.

3. Develop the character of Catwoman more. She's present in the scene but doesn't have much agency or impact on the story. Adding more depth to her character can make her feel more like a fully fleshed-out character instead of a plot device.

4. Consider breaking up the dialogue into smaller chunks. Some of the lines are quite long and can be difficult for the audience to follow. Breaking them up into shorter exchanges can make the scene feel more naturalistic and easier to understand.

5. Add more emotional stakes to the scene. Batman is fighting for his life, but we don't necessarily feel the emotional weight of that. Adding more layers to the characters' motivations and desires can make the scene feel more impactful and engaging for the audience.



Scene 26 -  Selina behind bars; Wayne in Bane's prison
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM, AIRPORT - DAY
Selina, now in cuffs, looks up as Blake walks in.
BLAKE
I showed your picture to the
Congressman and guess what?
SELINA
Don’t tell me, still in love?
BLAKE
Head over heels. Pressing charges,
though.
Blake lays a police file down with a thump.
You’ve made some mistakes, Ms.
Kyle.

SELINA
Girl’s gonna eat.
BLAKE
You have an appetite. Why run? You
can’t hide from us with this
record.
SELINA
Maybe it’s not you I’m running
from.
BLAKE
Who then? Bane? What do you know
about him?

SELINA
(quiet)
That you should be as afraid of him
as I am.
89.


BLAKE
We can offer you protection...
Selina looks at him with contempt. Blake shrugs, switches
off the tape, moves to the door.

BLAKE
When I spotted you, I was looking
for a friend...Bruce Wayne.
Selina turns to look at Blake. His eyes plead with her.

BLAKE
Did the kill him?
SELINA
I’m not sure.

And we -
CUT TO:
BLACK SCREEN. Sounds: screaming, laughing, CRYING. Sights:
LIGHT, bodies FALLING, a DARK SKULL... And we are -

INT. STONE CELL - DAWN
Wayne opens his eyes. Unshaven. Filthy. Someone else is in
the cell - Wayne cannot move to look - even the attempt is
painful...the skull drifts into his sight. Bane. Squatting
at Wayne’s bedside, muscled shoulders curving into his mask.
WAYNE
Why didn’t you just kill me?

BANE
You don’t fear death. You welcome
it. Your punishment is to be more
severe.

WAYNE
(scathing)
You’re a torturer...
BANE
Yes. But not of your body. Of your
soul.
Wayne exhales. Eyes losing focus from sheer pain.
90.


WAYNE
Where am I?
BANE
Home.

Wayne’s eyes dart about: filthy stone walls, distant
sunlight from above, iron bars: an underground prison.
Where I learned the truth about
despair. As will you. (Rises.)
There is a reason that this prison
is the worst hell on earth...
Bane steps to the bars - looks up at a bright opening five
hundred feet above. Like being at the bottom of a gigantic
well...
Hope. Every man who has rotted here
over the centuries has looked up to
the light and imagined climbing to
freedom. So simple. So easy. And,
like shipwrecked men turning to sea
water from uncontrollable thirst,
many have died trying. I learned
that there can be no true despair
without hope. (Turns to Wayne.) So
as I terrorize Gotham, I will feed
its people hope to poison their
souls. I will let them believe they
can survive so that you can watch
them clamber over each other to
stay in the sun...
Bane points to an old TV, just outside the bars.
You will watch as I torture an
entire city to cause you pain you
thought you could never feel again.
Then, when you have truly
understood the depths of your
failure, we will fulfill Rā’s al
Ghūl’s destiny. We will destroy
Gotham. And when it is done...when
Gotham is ashes...then you have my
permission to die.
Bane rises. Leaves. Wayne drifts back to unconsciousness.


EXT. BLACKGATE PRISON - DAY
A van pulls through the gate. Selina, inside the van, looks
up at the formidable grey building.
91.

INT. BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS
Guards lead Selina down the cells. Whistles and catcalls.

GUARD
We’re locking her up in here?
WARDEN
The Dent Act allows non-segregation
based on extraordinary need. First
time she broke out of women’s
correctional she was sixteen.
Selina passes a Huge Inmate who strains through the bars...

HUGE INMATE
Little closer, baby...
SELINA
Why, honey, you wanna hold my hand?

Without breaking step, she slips his outstretched hands
between her handcuffed ones and cartwheels, snapping his
arms - he screams in agony - she keeps walking...
WARDEN
She’ll be just fine.


INT. WAYNE ENTERPRISES - DAY
Fox comes out of the elevator with Miranda.

FOX
I don’t see the need for a board
meeting on the energy project -
MIRANDA
Bruce got a lot of things right.
Keeping the board in the dark
wasn’t one of them...
Fox swings the doors to the boardroom open...


INT. BOARDROOM, WAYNE ENTERPRISES - CONTINUOUS
The board is there. Scared. At the head of the table - Bane.
BANE
This meeting is called to order.
Fox and Miranda freeze. Staring at the mask.
92.


BANE
Chair and President. I also need
one ordinary member - Mr. Fox,
would you care to nominate?

FREDERICKS
No. I volunteer.
The dignified older board member gets to his feet.
Mercernaries round the three up.

FOX
Where are you taking us?
BANE
Where you buried your resources.
The bowels of Gotham.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Selina is arrested and sent to Blackgate Prison while Blake interrogates her. Wayne wakes up in Bane's prison and is told of Bane's plan to destroy Gotham. Meanwhile, Fox and Miranda are taken hostage by Bane's men and brought to the bowels of Gotham.
Strengths "The scene sets up the main conflicts of the movie and reveals Bane's true intentions, which adds to the tension and raises the stakes. The dialogue between Blake and Selina is engaging and establishes their dynamic. The visuals of the underground prison and Blackgate Prison are eerie and dark, further emphasizing the ominous tone."
Weaknesses "The scene feels disjointed in terms of pacing, jumping between different characters and locations with little transition. There is also a lack of character development and emotional depth, with most of the focus on plot and action."
Critique Overall, the scene has good dialogue and tension-building between Selina and Blake, as well as between Wayne and Bane. However, there could be some improvements to the formatting and pacing of the scene.

For example, the sudden black screen at the end of the interrogation scene is jarring and could be smoothed out with a transitional shot or fade. Additionally, the scene with Selina in Blackgate Prison feels rushed and would benefit from more description and actions.

In terms of character development, Selina's actions in the scene show her resourcefulness and skill, but her motivations for helping or hindering Wayne could be clearer. Similarly, while Bane's speech about despair and hope is intriguing, more context about his background and goals would help to deepen his character.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from further nuance and development.
Suggestions - Consider adding more specific actions and descriptions to make the scene more visually engaging for the audience.

- Add more emotional tension and conflict between Selina and Blake, as well as between Wayne and Bane.

- Develop Selina's character more by giving her more backstory and motivation for her actions.

- Add more obstacles for Wayne to overcome in his imprisonment to create higher stakes.

- Consider exploring the psychological effects of Bane's torture on Wayne in more detail.

- Consider adding a subplot involving Miranda and the energy project to create more layers to the story.



Scene 27 -  The Siege of the Reactor
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Gordon, with a Nurse’s help, pulls himself to a seated
position as Blake watches.

GORDON
So you think our friend is gone
again?
BLAKE
(grave)
This time...he might not be coming
back.
Gordon takes this in...Foley bursts in, agitated.

FOLEY
Okay, Commissioner, you were tight.
GORDON
What’s happened?

FOLEY
Your masked man kidnapped the Wayne
Enterprises board. He let most of
them go, but took three down into
the sewers.

GORDON
No more patrols, no more hide and
seek. Send every available cop
down there to smoke him out.
93.


FOLEY
The Mayor won’t want panic -
BLAKE
So it’s a training exercise.

Foley looks at Gordon.
FOLEY
I’m sorry for not taking you
seriously -

GORDON
Don’t apologize for believing the
world’s in better shape then it
is...just fight to make it true.

Foley nods. Leaves. Blake gets up.
GORDON
Not you. You’re telling me the
Batman’s gone. So you chase up the
Daggett leads, any way you can.

Blake nods.

INT. STONE CELL, UNDERGROUND PRISON - DAY

Wayne lies, weak, feverish. A Prisoner drips water onto his
parched lips. An elderly Blind Prisoner squatting by the
wall in the next cell rasps something in an ancient tongue.
PRISONER
He asks if you would pay us to let
you die. I told him you have
nothing.
WAYNE
Do it for the pleasure.

The Prisoner puts bread to Wayne’s lips.
PRISONER
They pay me more than that to keep
you alive.

A chant gets Wayne’s attention. He rolls his head painfully
to watch a Tattooed Prisoner hand a thick rope to a Strong
Man, who ties it around his chest, watched by other
Prisoners.
94.


PRISONER
He will try the climb.
String Man starts scaling the wall. The Prisoners’ chant
grows stronger as he climbs towards the light.

Above: Strong Man stops, perched on a ledge, a twelve-foot
leap from the rest of the climb... The chanting peaks as
Strong Man leaps...misses...falls. The rope catches - he
swings into the rock face. Prisoners fall silent as Strong
Man is lowered, broken, bloody, to the prison floor.

WAYNE
Has anyone made it?
PRISONER
Of course not.

The Blind Prisoner barks at him.
WAYNE
What does he say?

PRISONER
He says there is one who did. A
child...
INSERT CUT: a child of about ten looks up towards the light.

PRISONER
A child who had been born in this
hell...
WAYNE
Bane.

PRISONER
An old legend. Nothing more.
The Prisoner leaves Wayne’s cell - switches on the TV.

WAYNE
Don’t.
PRISONER
Whatever they want you to
see...it’s happening soon.
95.


INT. BANE’S LAIR, SEWERS - DAY
Bane’s men lead Fox, Miranda and Fredericks through the
debris. Fox stares at Mercenaries working on his old
inventions...


EXT. LOCATIONS AROUND GOTHAM - EVENING
SWATs and Cops mass around entrances to sewers, tunnels...


INT. MASSIVE TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS
Bane leads Fox and the others to where Mercenaries plant
charges on a hewn wall. Dr. Pavel is here. Waiting. Bane
nods at his men. The wall blows.


EXT. LOCATIONS AROUND GOTHAM - CONTINUOUS
A SWAT team about to enter a sewer pipe hear a low echoing
boom. They look at each other, then head in. Thousands of
Police head into manholes, tunnel entrances, checking
weapons, using flashlights...

INT. MASSIVE TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS

Bane leads the way over rubble into the REACTOR. Dr. Pavel
follows. Bane approaches the machine. Turns to Fox.
BANE
Turn it on.

Fox shakes his head. Bane holds his gun to Fredericks’ head.
BANE
I only need one other board member.
There are eight more waiting
upstairs.

FOX
I won’t do it.
Fredericks trembles. Bane cocks the weapon.

MIRANDA
Alright, stop.
She walks up to the scanner. Places her hand on it. It
beeps. She turns to Fox. Quietly pleading.
96.

MIRANDA
Lucius, you’ll kill this man and
yourself, and barely slow them
down.
Fox reluctantly puts his hand on the scanner. Then
Fredericks. The core glows brighter and brighter. Dr. Pavel
is transfixed.

BANE
Do your work.
Bane turns to his men. Gestures at the hostages.
Take them to the surface. People of
their status deserve to see the
next era of western civilization.
Fox, Miranda and Fredericks are led back into the rubble.

EXT. GOTHAM STADIUM - DAY

The Mayor, flanked by Security, talks to a crowd of
Reporters.
REPORTER
We’re seeing literally thousands of
police heading into the sewers -
MAYOR
A training exercise, that’s all. If
you’ll excuse me, I’ve got tickets
to watch our boys thrash Rapid
City.
The Mayor heads into the stadium with the crowds...
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Thriller"]

Summary Gordon and Blake discuss Batman's disappearance while Wayne is held captive in Bane's prison. Meanwhile, Bane and his men infiltrate Wayne Enterprises' Applied Sciences and take hostages to gain access to the reactor. Miranda tries to reason with Fox to prevent him from turning on the reactor, but Bane uses hostages to force them to comply. The Mayor ignores the impending danger and focuses on a football game.
Strengths "The tension and urgency build up throughout the scene as Bane's plans come to fruition. The theme of sacrifice and selflessness is prominent in Miranda and Fox's dilemma."
Weaknesses "The dialogue feels a bit weak in comparison to the action and plot developments. The Mayor's obliviousness to the danger feels too caricatured."
Critique This scene provides important plot points for the narrative, but it lacks emotional impact for the characters. The dialogue is functional, but it does not reveal anything new about the characters or their motivations. It feels like the characters are just going through the motions of advancing the plot, rather than experiencing the gravity of the situation.

The scene starts in Gordon's hospital room where he learns that Batman has kidnapped the Wayne Enterprises board. Foley bursts in and updates Gordon on the situation. Blake suggests that it's a training exercise so as not to cause panic. Gordon orders all available cops to go down and catch the Batman, but tells Blake to chase down the Daggett leads.

The scene then cuts to Wayne in an underground prison, where he is weak and feverish. He is offered bread and water by a prisoner, as another prisoner tries to climb to the surface but falls to his death. Wayne learns of a legend of a child who was born in the prison and managed to escape - Bane.

Cutting back to Bane's lair in the sewers, Bane and his men lead Fox, Miranda, and Fredericks to the reactor. Bane threatens to kill one of the board members unless Fox turns the reactor on. Miranda pleads with Fox not to do it, but he reluctantly does to save the lives of the hostages. Bane orders his men to take the hostages to the surface.

Finally, the scene cuts to the Gotham stadium, where the Mayor brushes off the thousands of police heading into the sewers as a mere training exercise. This serves as a contrast to the danger and urgency of the situation in the sewer below.

To improve the scene, the characters' emotions and motivations need to be explored and heightened. Gordon's reaction to finding out that Batman has kidnapped the board members should be more visceral, as it puts the lives of innocent people in danger. Wayne's desperation and fear of death should be more palpable, as he is at his most vulnerable state. Fox's reluctance to turn on the reactor and Miranda's pleas to not sacrifice innocent lives should reveal deeper aspects of their characters.

In addition, the setting and atmosphere of the sewer need to be more vivid and specific to draw the audience into the danger and tension of the situation. The Mayor's dismissive attitude towards the situation could be more impactful if contrasted with the urgency of the scene in the sewer below.

In short, the scene needs to go beyond advancing the plot and reveal deeper emotional and character-driven motivations to make it more engaging and impactful for the audience.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Make the dialogue more concise: Some of the lines in the scene feel a little wordy and could be tightened up for better pacing.

2. Add more descriptions of the characters' actions: The scene is mostly comprised of dialogue, but there's an opportunity to add some visual interest through the characters' movements and reactions.

3. Create more tension: The stakes of the scene are high, but it doesn't feel particularly tense. Consider adding some urgency or danger to the situation to heighten the suspense.

4. Provide more context: The scene jumps around quite a bit between different locations and characters. Consider adding some more details or establishing shots to help orient the audience.

5. Give the scene a stronger ending: The scene ends rather abruptly with the Mayor heading into the stadium, but it doesn't feel like a satisfying conclusion. Consider adding a stinger or a cliffhanger to keep the audience engaged and eager for more.



Scene 28 -  The Trap is Sprung
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS
Hundreds of SWATs wade, flashlights swinging, heading
towards the center... Teams are converging from different
entry points...


INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
Blake is on the phone.
BLAKE
I’ve been to half Daggett’s cement
plants, logged locations they’ve
poured for underground
construction...
97.


GORDON (O.S.)
Anything strange about the
pourings?
Blake glances at a large map - dots mark pouring locations.

BLAKE
Honestly, Commissioner, I don’t
know anything about civil
engineering.

GORDON
But you know about patterns. Keep
looking.
Blake pulls up in front of a cement plant.


INT. REACTOR PLANT - CONTINUOUS
Dr. Pavel finishes his work. Turns to Bane. Grave.
DR. PAVEL
It’s done. This is now a
four-megaton nuclear bomb.
BANE
(to his men)
Pull the core out of the reactor.

DR. PAVEL
(horrified)
You can’t. This is the only power
source capable of sustaning it - if
you move it, the core will decay in
a matter of months.
BANE
Five, by my calculations.

DR. PAVEL
And then it will go off.
BANE
For the sake of your family, Dr.
Pavel, I hope so.

Dr. Pavel stares as Mercenaries start to disconnect the
core...
98.

EXT. CEMENT PLANT - CONTINUOUS
Blake is led through a fence by a Worker.

WORKER
Boss is about to leave.
Blake walks past cement mixers. Spots someone. A Driver.

BLAKE
Hey.
The Driver turns.
BLAKE
That was you outside the stock
exchange, right?
DRIVER
When?

BLAKE
When? When half the city’s cops
were trying to pull onto Castle
Street and your truck shut them
out.

DRIVER
Oh yeah. You’re that cop -
BLAKE
Detective, now.

Behind Blake the Worker puts his hand is his pocket...
BLAKE
And as a detective...I’m not
allowed to believe in coincidences
anymore -
Blake spins, drawing his weapon. The Worker lunges with a
knife, Blake smashes his hand to one side and shoots him.
The Driver grabs him from behind. Blake wrestles, but the
Driver is string, trained. Blake can’t aim his gun, he fires
behind, into a steel mixer - the bullets ricochet, one
catches the Driver in the back and he goes down... Blake,
gasping, kneels beside the Driver.
BLAKE
What were you doing?! What?!

The man dies. Blake looks down at his gun. Disgusted. Tosses
is down. Pulls out his phone. Dials.
99.


BLAKE
Commissioner, I’m at the Fourteenth
Street plant with two dead
witnesses and a lot of questions.
Call me -

Blake freezes, stooped to pick up his gun. Looking at some
empty barrels...
Commissioner, they’ve got
Polyisobutylene here... (Looks
around.) And motor oil. They
weren’t making cement, they were
making explosives -

INT./EXT. CRUISER OUTSIDE CEMENT PLANT - MOMENTS LATER

Blake grabs his carts - scanning the pattern of the dots -
realizes.
BLAKE
Oh, God.

Blake fires up the cruiser and pulls out, hard.

INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
Blake is driving furiously, shouting into the radio -

BLAKE
Patch me into Foley!
DISPATCH
(over radio)
Foley’s overseeing the operation -
BLAKE
They’re heading into a trap!


EXT. MTA TUNNEL - MOMENTS LATER (DAY)
Foley, concerned, takes the radio from a colleague.
FOLEY
Foley.
BLAKE
It’s a trap! Pull everyone out!
Bane’s been pouring concrete laced
with explosives -
100.


FOLEY
Where?
BLAKE
There’s a ring around the tunnels -
they’re gonna blow it and trap the
cops underground!
Foley looks up with dread at the mouth of the tunnel.
FOLEY
Pull out! Pull ’em out!

INT. BOILER ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Mercenaries rise from a hole in the floor - Bane emerges...


INT. GOTHAM STADIUM - CONTINUOUS
The Mayor, in a corporate box, mouths the National Anthem...


INT. LOCKER ROOM TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS
The Mercenaries pull out detonators. Bane listens to the
kickoff like a hunting dog sensing the wind...decides.

BANE
Let the games begin.
The Mercenaries hit the detonators.


INT. SEWERS - CONTINUOUS
SWATs react - the tunnel roof behind collapses... Chunks of
concrete structure drop - thousands of police throughout
different tunnels are trapped...
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Blake discovers that Bane's plan involves lacing concrete with explosives and blowing tunnels to trap the police underground. He warns Foley, but it's too late. Bane emerges from the hole in the reactor and the Mercenaries hit the detonators, causing chaos throughout the city.
Strengths "High stakes and fast-paced action keep the audience engaged. The tension builds as Blake races to warn the police, only to be ultimately unsuccessful. The scene effectively sets up the next stage of Bane's plan and leaves the audience on edge for what will happen next."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is mostly functional and does not add much depth to the characters or themes."
Critique This scene is part of a larger story, but on its own, it is confusing and lacks context. It jumps between different locations and characters without clear transitions or explanations. The dialogue is also somewhat clunky and lacks the natural flow of conversation. Additionally, the action is somewhat disjointed and hard to follow.

To improve this scene, it would be helpful to provide more context for the viewer. This might involve incorporating more establishing shots or providing clearer visual cues to help orient the viewer within the story. The dialogue could also benefit from some tightening up, with more attention given to pacing and naturalistic speech patterns. Finally, the action could be made clearer and more exciting by cutting back on the jump cuts and incorporating more dynamic camera work.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the location details: The scene jumps between several locations, and it can be confusing for the audience to follow. Provide more explicit location information at the start of each new location to help orient the viewers.

2. Tighten up the dialogue: Some of the dialogue is repetitive, with characters essentially saying the same thing twice. Streamline the dialogue to make it more efficient and impactful.

3. Simplify the action: Similarly, some of the action in the scene is hard to follow, with too many details or unnecessary elements. Focus on the most essential actions and make sure they are clear and easy to visualize.

4. Increase the tension: While this scene has a lot of action, it could benefit from more tension-building moments to keep the audience on the edge of their seat. Consider slowing down the pacing in some moments to build anticipation and create more suspense.

5. Emphasize the emotional stakes: This scene has a lot of plot-driven action, but it could benefit from more emphasis on the emotional stakes for the characters involved. What are they risking? What are they fighting for? Make these motivations and consequences more explicit to ensure that the audience is invested in the outcome.



Scene 29 -  Bane's Bomb Threat
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. GOTHAM STADIUM - CONTINUOUS
The crowd goes wild as a Receiver catches - starts a run -
the Mayor looks on, suddenly confused.

As the Receiver sprints for the end zone, the field behind
him DROPS away in smoking ruins, swallowing Players...
The crowd is not cheering but SCREAMING... The Mayor’s box
EXPLODES...
101.


The Receiver, nearing the touchdown, glances back - sees
Armageddon - the entire field is now a smoking mass of
rubble, but for one strip of turf...Mercenaries pour out of
the tunnel, creating a gauntlet...


INT./EXT. CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
Blake’s cruiser swerves to avoid eruptions of asphalt. An
eruption TOSSES Blake’s cruiser onto its roof.


EXT. GOTHAM RIVER - CONTINUOUS
All bridges, except the Gotham Bridge, suffer controlled
demolitions.


INT. LOCKER ROOM TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS
Bane steps into the smoking stadium, a gladiator walking
into the arena...TV cameras swing onto him. Passing a dead
umpire, he takes the men’s headset - surveys the screaming
crowd, lifts an arm for silence, raises the mike to his
mask.
BANE
Gotham, take control of your
city...


INT./EXT. OVERTURNED CRUISER ON GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS
Blake squeezes out of his cruiser, reaches in for the radio.

BLAKE
Foley?
FOLEY
(over radio)
Jesus, Blake! Every cop in the
city’s down in those tunnels!
BLAKE
(realizes)
Not every cop...

Blake pulls the shotgun from his cruiser - flags down a car.
102.


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Gordon’s heart-rate monitor alarms. Gordon wakes, groggy...

INT. HOSPITAL LOBBY - CONTINUOUS

Patients and Doctors crowd the entrance. mercenaries with
automatic weapons force their way in - hit the stairwell.


INT./EXT. CAR GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
Blake drives, swerving around dazed and terrified people.
Flames and smoke billow from the sewers.


EXT. GOTHAM HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS
Blake races up to the hospital entrance.

INT. CORRIDOR, GOTHAM HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS

Two Mercenaries move room to room, searching.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Gordon pulls himself out of his bed, wheeling his IV.

INT. CORRIDOR, HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS
Blake jumps into the corridor, gun raised. Shots echo down
the hall - Blake sprints.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Blake leaps into the room, gun high - freezes as warm metal
touches the base of his skull.
GORDON (O.S.)
Clear the corners, rookie.
Blake turns. Gordon holds his service weapon. The
Mercenaries are on the ground, dead.
GORDON
Get my coat, son.
103.


EXT. GOTHAM STADIUM - CONTINUOUS
Mercenaries pull the glowing core onto the field.
BANE
This is the instrument of your
liberation...

INT. PENTAGON WAR ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Analysts and military personnel assess the situation.
ANALYST
Satellite shows a radiation
spike...

ANALYST 2
Whatever it is...it’s nuclear.

EXT. GOTHAM STADIUM - CONTINUOUS

The Mercenaries thrust Dr. Pavel to his knees before Bane.
BANE
Identify yourself to the world.
DR. PAVEL
Dr. Leonid Pavel, nuclear
physicist.
Bane turns Dr. Pavel’s head for the cameras.


INT. PENTAGON WAR ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Armed Forces and Intelligence staff scramble to verify.
CIA ANALYST
Pavel was confirmed dead - plane
crash on an Agency pull-out of
Uzbekistan... But it certainly
looks like him -
He points to a monitor with a photo of Dr. Pavel. An Air
Force General rubs his chin, thinking, nervous.
104.


EXT. SKIES ABOVE GOTHAM - CONTINUOUS
F-22’s streak over the river, sizing up the island.

EXT. GOTHAM STADIUM - CONTINUOUS

Bane rests his powerful hand on Dr. Pavel’s shoulder.
BANE
Tell the world what this is.

DR. PAVEL
A fully primed neutron bomb. With a
blast radius of six miles.
BANE
And who can disarm this device?
DR. PAVEL
Only me.
BANE
Thank you, Doctor.
Bane snaps Dr. Pavel’s neck in front of the world.
BANE
The bomb is armed, the bomb is
mobile, the identity of the
triggerman is a mystery. One of you
holds the detonator - we come not
as conquerors, but as liberators to
return control of this city to the
people. At the first sign of
interference from the outside world
or of people attempting to flee,
this anonymous Gothamite, this
unsung hero, will trigger the bomb.
For now, martial law is in effect.
Return to your homes, hold your
families close, and wait. Tomorrow
you claim what is rightfully yours.
Bane turns, leaves the field, followed by his men.


INT. PENTAGON WAR ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The General breaks the silence.
105.


GENERAL
Pull back the fighters, start
high-level reconnaissance flights.
And get the President on the line.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Bane reveals a plan to take Gotham hostage by arming a neutron bomb with a blast radius of 6 miles that only Dr. Pavel can disarm. He executes Dr. Pavel and announces that an anonymous Gothamite holds the detonator. Bane's men take control of Gotham, causing chaos and destruction throughout the city.
Strengths "Intense and exciting scene that reveals Bane's ultimate plan and the severity of the danger Gotham is facing. The execution of Dr. Pavel adds to the tension and maliciousness of Bane's character."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels a bit contrived, and there is a lot of exposition delivered through a news broadcast and military analysis, which could be seen as lazy writing."
Critique This scene is part of a larger sequence in a screenplay. It is not possible to fully critique this scene without understanding its place in the overall story. However, here are some observations:

- The scene is packed with action, but some of the details are unclear. For example, it is not entirely clear what causes the explosions on the streets or why the umpire is dead. These details may be clearer in the context of the larger story.
- The scene effectively builds tension by showing the extent of the chaos in Gotham City. The shot of the smoking stadium and the bridge demolitions create a sense of danger and isolation.
- Bane's speech and the reveal of the neutron bomb are effective plot points that raise the stakes for the protagonists. The twist that Dr. Pavel is not dead raises questions and makes the situation even more confusing and dangerous.
- The scene includes a mix of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged. The use of quick cuts between different locations also builds tension and adds to the frenetic pace of the scene.

Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the chaos and danger in Gotham City. However, further analysis would be needed to fully evaluate its effectiveness in the context of the screenplay as a whole.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and visually engaging. However, there are a few suggestions that could enhance it:

1. Develop the character of the Mayor: In the first line, it is mentioned that the Mayor looks confused, but it would be helpful to see more of his reaction. Is he panicking, frozen in fear, or trying to get a handle on the situation? Adding some dialogue or actions for the Mayor could deepen the tension and add another layer to the scene.

2. Create a clearer visual of the field dropping away: The description of the field dropping away in smoking ruins is a bit vague. Consider adding more detail, such as the ground cracking open or players falling into a chasm, to make the scene more vivid and impactful.

3. Add more urgency to Gordon's situation: When Gordon's heart-rate monitor alarms, it is not clear what danger he is in or why he needs to leave the hospital. Adding some specific threats or obstacles that Gordon has to overcome to escape the hospital could raise the stakes and create more tension.

4. Show more of the chaos in the hospital: The scene in the hospital room where Gordon and Blake encounter mercenaries could be more intense if there were more of a sense of chaos and panic among the patients and staff. Adding some shots of people running and screaming could create a more immersive and emotional experience for the audience.

5. Build up the tension around the bomb: Although the reveal of the neutron bomb is a dramatic moment, the lead-up to it could be more suspenseful. Consider adding some clues or hints earlier in the movie that foreshadow the bomb, or adding some dialogue or actions from Bane that build up the sense of impending doom. This could make the reveal of the bomb even more impactful.



Scene 30 -  Bane's Speech at Blackgate
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
EXT. GOTHAM BRIDGE - SUNSET
Mercenaries hold the bridge. A tank rolls across from the
mainland, soldiers behind. The Lead Mercenary uses a
bullhorn.

LEAD MERCENARY
Tanks and planes cannot stop us
detonating our device. Send an
emissary to discuss terms of access
for supplies and communication.

A Captain steps forward, walks to the apex of the bridge.
CAPTAIN
How many of you are there, son?
(Nothing.) You don’t have enough
men to stop twelve million people
leaving that island.
LEAD MERCENARY
We don’t. But you do.

CAPTAIN
Why in the hell would we help you
keep your hostages?
LEAD MERCENARY
If people start crossing this
bridge Gotham gets blown to hell.
The Captain considers this. Troubled.


EXT. SKIES ABOVE GOTHAM - CONTINUOUS
As night falls the F-22’s peel away from the fire-ringed
city. The voice of the President echoes across the
airwaves...

PRESIDENT
(over radio)
The people of our greatest city are
resilient. They have proven this
before, they will prove this
again...
106.


INT. STONE CELL, UNDERGROUND PRISON - CONTINUOUS
Wayne stares at the old TV. At his burning city.
PRESIDENT
(over TV)
We do not negotiate with
terrorists, but we do recognize
realities...
Wayne starts to cry.


INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT)
Blake drives the deserted streets. Gordon is slumped in the
passenger seat, listening.

PRESIDENT
(over radio)
As the situation develops, one
thing must be understood above all
others... People of Gotham, we have
not abandoned you.
BLAKE
What does that mean?
GORDON
It means we’re on our own. I have
to get in front of a camera -
BLAKE
Sir, they’ll kill you the second
you show your face -

GORDON
The Mayor’s dead. I’m the symbol of
law and order. Bane says he’s
giving Gotham back to the people -
they need to know that I could
lead.
BLAKE
Bane’s not gonna let that happen -

GORDON
Then he’ll show his true colors.
BLAKE
And you’ll be dead.

Gordon says nothing.
107.


EXT. GOTHAM STREET - DAY
Three camouflage Tumblers roll down the deserted street.

EXT. BLACKGATE PRISON - MOMENTS LATER

A crowd of news crews has gathered. Guards in the towers
look down, apprehensive. The Tumblers roll up, stopping in
front of the gates. Bane emerges from the lead Tumbler.

BANE
Behind you stands a symbol of
oppression. Blackgate Prison...

INT. CELLBLOCK, BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS

Prisoners strain to hear Bane’s words. Selina is there.
BANE (O.S.)
Where a thousand men have
languished for years. Under the
Dent Act. Under the name of this
man -

EXT. BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS

Bane holds up a photo of Harvey Dent.
BANE
Harvey Dent. Held up to you, and
over you, as a shining example of
justice and good...


INT. BLAKE’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Gordon sits watching Bane’s speech. Blake gathers supplies.

BLAKE
We’re gonna keep moving you, till
we can get you in front of a camera
-


EXT. BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS
Bane sets fire to the picture of Dent...
108.


BANE
But they supplied you a false idol.
A straw man. To placate. To stop
you tearing down this corrupt
city...


INT. CELLBLOCK, BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS
The Prisoners start cheering, shouting.

BANE (O.S.)
...and rebuilding it the way it
should have been rebuilt
generations ago...


EXT. BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS
Bane drops the burning picture.
BANE
Let me tell you the truth about
Harvey Dent. In the words of
Gotham’s Police Commissioner, James
Gordon...

INT. BLAKE’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

This gets Blake’s attention. Gordon watches, uneasy...

EXT. BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS

Bane unfolds the pages of Gordon’s undelivered speech...
BANE
’The truth about Harvey Dent is
simple in only one regard - it has
been hidden for too long. After his
devastating injuries, Harvey’s mind
has recovered no better than his
mutilated face. He was a broken,
dangerous man, not the crusader for
justice that I, James Gordon, have
portrayed him to be for the last
eight years. Harvey’s rage was
indiscriminate. Psychopathic. He
held my family at gunpoint, then
fell to his death in the struggle
over my son’s life. The Batman did
not murder Harvey Dent - he saved
(MORE)
109.


BANE (cont’d)
my boy. Then took the blame for
Harvey’s appalling crimes, so that
I could, to my shame, build a lie
around this fallen idol.’


INT. BLAKE’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Blake stares at the TV, Gordon’s face lowers into his
hands...

BANE (V.O.)
’I praised the madman who tried to
murder my own child.’
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Bane gives a fiery speech at Blackgate prison, revealing that Harvey Dent was not the hero he was believed to be and that he plans to take over Gotham with a neutron bomb. Meanwhile, Gordon and Blake plan to rally the people and fight back, while Wayne is held captive in Bane's prison.
Strengths
  • Bane's speech is powerful and compelling, laying out his plan for taking over Gotham and revealing the truth about Harvey Dent
  • The scene sets up an epic showdown between Bane and the people of Gotham, with Gordon and Blake working to rally them to fight back
  • The tension is high throughout the scene, with the threat of the neutron bomb looming over everything
Weaknesses
  • Some of the dialogue can come off as melodramatic and over-the-top
  • The scene is somewhat exposition-heavy, with Bane explaining his plan and backstory in great detail
Critique This scene is well-written and effectively builds tension and conflict. The dialogue is strong and the characters have clear motivations. The action is described in a way that allows the reader to visualize the scene easily. However, the scene could benefit from more visual description and specific details. For example, describing the look on Wayne's face as he watches his city burn or the reaction of the guards as Bane approaches the prison would add more depth to the scene. Overall, a strong scene that could be even more impactful with some additional sensory details.
Suggestions The scene is well-written and engaging, but a few suggestions to improve it further:

1. More description of the setting could be added to help build tension and atmosphere. For example, describing the sounds of gunfire or the smoke from fires in the background.

2. The dialogue between the Lead Mercenary and the Captain could be made more explicit to show the stakes of the situation. Perhaps the Captain could ask the mercenary what their demands are, or why they're doing this, to add more conflict.

3. Wayne's reaction to seeing his city burn could be further explored. Rather than just crying, he could be shown having a more visceral reaction. This could add to the emotional impact of the scene.

4. Some of the dialogue between Blake and Gordon could be trimmed or rephrased to make it more concise and impactful. For example, Blake could say "They'll kill you if you show your face" instead of "Sir, they'll kill you the second you show your face."

5. The scene with Bane at Blackgate Prison could benefit from more description of the crowd's reaction to his speech. Showing the prisoners shouting and cheering would add to the sense of chaos and upheaval in Gotham.

Overall, these suggestions are minor adjustments to what is already a tense and well-crafted scene.



Scene 31 -  Bane's Takeover
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS
The crowd is silent, stunned, as Bane continues to read.
BANE
’The things we did in Harvey’s name
brought desperately needed security
to our streets... But I can no
longer live with my lie. It is time
to trust the people of Gotham with
the truth, and it is time for me to
resign.’

Bane folds the papers. Looks out to the stunned crowd.
Do you accept this man’s
resignation?

Individuals in the crows start shouting ’Yes!’

INT. CELLBLOCK, BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS
Prisoners cheer, pounding against the bars. Selina
watches...

EXT. BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS
BANE
Do you accept the resignation of
all the liars?! All the corrupt?!
More and more of the crowd is chanting ’Yes!’
110.


INT. BLAKE’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Blake turns to Gordon, who stares at the TV.
BLAKE
These men, locked up in Blackgate
for eight years, denied parole
under the Dent Act. Based on a lie.
GORDON
A lie to keep a city from burning
to the ground. Gotham needed a
hero, someone to believe in -
BLAKE
Not as much as it does now. But you
betrayed everything you stood for.

GORDON
(looks at Blake)
There’s a point. Far out there.
When the structures fail you. When
the rules aren’t weapons anymore,
they’re shackles, letting the bad
get ahead. Maybe one day you’ll
have such a moment of crisis. And
in that moment, I hope you have a
friend like I did. To plunge their
hands into the filth so you can
keep yours clean.
BLAKE
Your hands look pretty filthy to
me, Commissioner.

Gordon stares at him. Blake goes back to packing.

EXT. BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS

Bane signals a Tumbler - its turret turns to the prison
doors.
BANE
We take Gotham from the corrupt.
The rich. The oppressors of
generations who’ve kept you down
with the myth of opportunity. And
we give it to you, the people.
Gotham is yours - none shall
interfere. Do as you please...

The Tumbler fires, blowing the doors to hell.
(MORE)
111.


BANE (cont’d)
But start by storming Blackgate and
freeing the oppressed... Step
forward, those who would serve...

Bane’s men surge through the burning gates...

INT. BLACKGATE PRISON - CONTINUOUS
Selina watches as Prisoners stream out of open cell doors.
She makes her way quietly through the excited throng.
BANE (V.O.)
For an army will be raised...
Mercenaries hand out weapons to escaping Prisoners...


EXT. PARK BOULEVARD - DAY
As Mercenaries shoot open locks, people storm into expensive
apartment buildings overlooking the park...

BANE (V.O.)
The powerful will be ripped from
their decadent nests...


INT. BEAUTIFUL OLD GOTHAM APARTMENT - DAY
People ransack the apartment...
BANE (V.O.)
...and cast into the cold world the
rest of us have known and
endured...

EXT. PARK BOULEVARD - DAY

Wealthy people are herded onto the street by Mercenaries...
BANE (V.O.)
Courts will be convened...


INT. STOCK EXCHANGE - DAY
A kangaroo court is in session, presided over by a Criminal
we recognize from Blackgate. Bane watches from the
gallery...
112.


BANE (V.O.)
The spoils will be enjoyed...

INT. ELEGANT APARTMENT, PARK BOULEVARD - DAY

Tough-looking Revellers crack open champagne - spraying it,
swigging it - Selina amongst them, watching...
BANE (V.O.)
Blood will be shed...


INT. SEWERS - DAY
Hundreds of Police living underground. Dividing up supplies
lowered by ropes... Ross opens a pack of supplies.

BANE (V.O.)
But the police will live, until
they are ready to serve true
justice...


EXT. GOTHAM STADIUM - NIGHT
Moving in on the bright glow of the core...
BANE (V.O.)
This great city will endure...
Close enough to see the flickering digits of its
countdown...
BANE (V.O.)
Gotham will survive.
Mercenaries load the core into the back of a black truck.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Bane rallies the people of Gotham to his cause, revealing the truth about Harvey Dent and his plans to take over the city with a neutron bomb. The prisoners of Blackgate are freed and armed, while the wealthy and corrupt are taken down. Meanwhile, Gordon and Blake make plans to fight back.
Strengths "Intense conflict and action, strong thematic elements"
Weaknesses "Some characters are underdeveloped"
Critique There are a few key points that could be improved in this scene:

1) The dialogue from Bane feels a bit too on-the-nose and expository. It's clear that he's trying to motivate the crowd, but his lines come across as overly scripted and preachy.

2) The action is a bit overwhelming and confusing at times. It's not always clear what exactly is happening and who is doing what.

3) The scene could benefit from more character development. While we see some interaction between Blake and Gordon, there isn't much focus on the individual experiences and emotions of the characters involved.

Overall, this scene could benefit from a more nuanced approach to both dialogue and action, with a greater emphasis on character development and motivation.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to make the scene more focused on a particular character's perspective. Right now, the scene shifts between different locations and characters, which can make it feel disjointed and overwhelming.

For example, you could focus on Selina's perspective as she navigates through the chaos and decides whether to join Bane's cause. This would give the scene a more personal and emotional resonance, and allow for deeper insight into the character's motivations and struggles.

Additionally, it would be helpful to clarify why the prisoners are being freed and what Bane's ultimate goal is. Right now, the scene feels somewhat vague and disconnected from the larger story. By providing more context and clarity, you can help the audience understand the significance of these events within the broader narrative.

Finally, you could consider adding more visual and sensory details to heighten the intensity and immediacy of the scene. For example, you could describe the sounds of explosions and gunfire, the smell of smoke and burning debris, and the feel of a crowd surging forward. This will help create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 32 -  Wayne meets Rā’s al Ghūl in prison
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. STONE CELL, UNDERGROUND PRISON - DAY

Wayne rolls of his cot. Grunts. The Prisoner realizes Wayne
is trying to do a push-up. From the next cell, the Blind
Prisoner says something...

PRISONER
He says you must first straighten
your back.
The Prisoner helps Wayne roll over, painfully.
113.


WAYNE
How would he know?
PRISONER
He was the prison doctor. A
morphine addict who incurred the
displeasure of powerful people.
Including your masked friend.
WAYNE
How?

PRISONER
Many years ago, during a time of
plague, Bane was attacked by other
prisoners. The doctor’s fumbling
attempts to repair the damage left
him in perpetual agony. The mask
holds his pain at bay.
WAYNE
Is Bane the child you spoke of? Was
he born here?

PRISONER
The legens is that there was a
mercenary working for the local
warlord who fell in love with his
daughter. They married in secret.

The Prisoner takes a rope - ties it under Wayne’s arms.
PRISONER
When the warlord found out, he
condemned the mercenary to this
pit. But then exiled him instead.
INSERT CUT: the Mercenary is dropped at the side of a barren
road. He starts to walk.
PRISONER
The mercenary understood that the
warlord’s daughter had secured his
release, but he couldn’t know the
true price of his freedom. She had
taken his place in the pit.

INSERT CUT: a Woman is lowered into the prison. The
prisoners below all have their faces covered with muslin
masks...
114.

PRISONER
And she was with the child. The
mercenary’s child.

INSERT CUT: the Woman watches as the Doctor, (the Blind
Prisoner, younger-looking, sighted) examines her small
child. The Doctor exits, locking the cell...
PRISONER
One day the doctor forgot the lock
the cell...
INSERT CUT: Prisoners move into the cell towards his mother.
The child runs at them with a knife...

PRISONER
Innocence cannot flower
underground. It was to be stamped
out. But the child had a friend. A
protector...

INSERT CUT: the Protector, face covered, pulls the Child off
the attackers. One grabs for the Child - the Protector snaps
his arm, carries the Child into a corner...
PRISONER
...who showed the other that this
innocence was their redemption. The
mother was not so lucky.
The Blind Prisoner shouts at the Prisoner. He nods.

PRISONER
This is Bane’s prison now. Bane
would not want this story told.
The Prisoner pulls - Wayne screams in pain as he is pulled
upright. The Prisoner ties him off. Checks his spine.
You have a protruding
vertebra...I’m going to force it
back...
WAYNE
How -?

The Prisoner punches Wayne in the back, hard. Wayne screams.
PRISONER
You stay like this. Until you
stand.

Wayne passes out from the pain and we FADE TO BLACK.
Wayne is hanging in his cell, delirious.
115.


RĀ’S AL GHŪL (O.S.)
Did you not think I’d return,
Bruce?
Rā’s al Ghūl, in his Ducard guise, steps in front of Wayne.

RĀ’S AL GHŪL
I told you I was immortal.
WAYNE
I watched you die.

RĀ’S AL GHŪL
There are many forms of
immortality.
Wayne looks inward, remembering...

INSERT CUT: Rā’s at the campfire (from Batman Begins).
RĀ’S AL GHŪL
Once I had a wife. My great love.
She was taken from me...

INSERT CUT: the Woman is lowered into the prison...
Wayne looks at Rā’s.
WAYNE
You were the mercenary. Bane is
your child. Your heir.
INSERT CUT: the Mercenary at the side of the road. Rā’s.
RĀ’S AL GHŪL
An heir to ensure the League of
Shadows fulfills its duty to
restore balance to civilization.
WAYNE
No...
RĀ’S AL GHŪL
You yourself fought the decadence
of Gotham for years. With all your
strength and resources, all your
moral authority. And the only
victory you could achieve was a
lie. Finally you
understand...Gotham is beyond
saving...
116.

WAYNE
NO!

RĀ’S AL GHŪL
And must be allowed to die.
CUT TO WHITE. And we are -


EXT. STREET, DOWNTOWN GOTHAM - DAY
Snow blankets the street. A Tumbler carves tracks as it
patrols the deserted street. Blake peers from behind a
parked car - he is crouched, feeding a kite string down a
storm drain.


INT. SEWER TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS
Ross strains to reach a note dangling on a string - he
grasps it. All around him are dozens of Cops living
underground...

EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS
Blake winds the string, picks up a jerrycan, hurries off.
Genres: ["Action","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Wayne is helped by a fellow prisoner who reveals to him the story of Bane's origin. Wayne is then confronted by Rā’s al Ghūl who reveals himself to be immortal.
Strengths
  • Revealing backstory through dialogue
  • Intensifies Rā’s al Ghūl’s character
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too exposition-heavy
Critique First of all, it's important to note that this scene is part of a larger story and should be judged within that context. With that said, there are a few things that stand out.

The dialogue is mostly expositional and feels a bit unnatural. The way the information is conveyed feels forced, rather than natural and organic. It's also a bit heavy-handed in its emphasis on themes, particularly with Rā’s al Ghul's dialogue about Gotham being beyond saving.

The scene also lacks visual interest and action. There's a lot of talking and exposition, but not a lot of action or movement. It's all very static, which can make it feel dull and unengaging for the audience.

Finally, there's a lack of emotional depth. We're getting information, but we're not really connecting emotionally with the characters. There's not much to invest in emotionally, so the scene doesn't have as much impact as it could.

Overall, the scene could benefit from some reworking to make the dialogue more organic and interesting, add some action or movement, and create more emotional depth for the characters.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. The dialogue could use some tightening up - there are several places where the sentences are awkwardly structured and could be simplified for clarity and impact.

2. The scene could benefit from more visual description. Rather than relying solely on dialogue, try to paint a picture of the cell and the actions that are taking place.

3. Consider adding more tension or conflict to the scene. As it stands, Wayne is just getting medical treatment and learning some backstory. Adding some sort of obstacle or complication could make the scene more engaging.

4. Finally, think about the larger context of the scene within the overall story. Does this scene move the plot forward or deepen our understanding of the characters? If not, consider whether it's necessary and how it could be revised to better serve the story.



Scene 33 -  Preparing for the Battle
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. ST. SWITHIN’S HOME FOR BOYS - CONTINUOUS
The home is packed. People, not just kids, huddle in every
corner. Blake spots Father Reilly. Hands him the can.

BLAKE
For the bus in case there’s a
chance to evacuate. Keep it in here
- people are siphoning parked cars.

FATHER REILLY
Really?
BLAKE
(grins)
How do you think I got it?
FATHER REILLY
Right. Any news? Is the
Commissioner -

BLAKE
Less you know, Father. How’re the
boys?
117.

FATHER REILLY
Power’s been on more, so they get
some TV.

Blake smiles. Moves to the door.
Blake, you be careful out there.
They’re hunting down cops like
dogs.

Blake nods. Leaves.

INT. ELEGANT APARTMENT, PARK BOULEVARD - DAWN
Following Selina through rooms strewn with trash, empty
bottles and sleeping partygoers. She spots a family
photograph, glass smashed. A hand lands on her shoulder.
JEN
Who’s that?

SELINA
This was someone’s home.
JEN
Now it’s everyone’s home.

Selina stares out at a Tumbler rolling by.
JEN
’Storm’s coming’, remember? This is
what you wanted.

SELINA
No. It’s what I thought I wanted.

INT. STONE CELL, UNDERGROUND PRISON - DAY

The Prisoner unties the rope from Wayne’s chest. Wayne
stands. Just. Then walks.

INT. SAME - LATER

Wayne does push-ups. Stronger. The Prisoner watches.
PRISONER
Why build yourself?

WAYNE
I’m not meant to die in here.
The Prisoner indicates the TV:
118.


SIEGE OF GOTHAM: DAY 84.
PRISONER
Here? There? What’s the difference?
Wayne ignores this. Focuses on his body...


INT. STONE CELL, UNDERGROUND PRISON - DAY
Wayne moves to the wall - takes the rope from the Tattooed
Prisoner, wraps it around his chest. Curious Prisoners
gather, the Prisoner at their head. Wayne looks up at the
light, hundreds of feet above. Starts to climb. Prisoners
get excited as Wayne RISES - money starts exchanging hands.
Reaching the precipice, he checks his rope, looks up at the
next handhold, far away. He takes a breath, then LEAPS.
His fingers brush the ledge. Wayne DROPS a hundred feet -
the rope catches, SLAMMING him into the rock face. The
Prisoners disperse, losing interest as the Tattooed Prisoner
lowers Wayne on the rope. The Blind Prisoner turns away.

PRISONER
I told you it could not be done.
WAYNE
You told me a child did it...

PRISONER
No ordinary child...
INSERT CUT: the Protector fights off prisoners as the Child,
older now, moves to the climbing wall
A child born in hell.
INSERT CUT: the Child makes the climb...pauses, looking down
- making eye-contact with the Protector, who fights off
Prisoners... They swarm over the Protector, knives drawn.
A child forged by suffering,
hardened by pain...
INSERT CUT: the Child leaps across the abyss, grabbing a
handhold on the ledge and swinging up...
Not a man from privilege.

Wayne’s eyes close in despair.
119.


EXT. CHECKPOINT, GOTHAM BRIDGE - DAY
Supply trucks await inspection. Mercenaries open an
18-wheeler - check boxes of rations...wave it on...


EXT. SUPERMARKET - CONTINUOUS
The 18-wheeler pulls up. A line of Gothamites waits
patiently along the sidewalk.


INT. 18-WHEELER - CONTINUOUS
Three plain-clothes Special Forces Men emerge from the
boxes, checking, then concealing weapons. The doors open -
they exit.


INT. SUPERMARKET - CONTINUOUS
The Special Forces Men carry boxes into the store as if
delivering. The Store Manager leads them into the back and
down into -

INT. LOWER STOREROOM - CONTINUOUS
Where they are met by four Cops out of uniform.

FOLEY
You have ID?
SPECIAL FORCES 1
Of course not.

FOLEY
How can we trust you?
GORDON (O.S.)
They don’t have any choice.

Gordon and Blake emerge from the back of the room.
SPECIAL FORCES 1
Commissioner Gordon? Captain Jones,
Special Forces.

GORDON
Captain, glad to have you here.
120.


CAPTAIN JONES
How many of you are there?
GORDON
Dozens. I’d rather not say exactly.
But the men trapped underground
number almost three thousand.
CAPTAIN JONES
What kind of shape they’re in?

GORDON
They’ve been getting water, food.
CAPTAIN JONES
Could we break them out?

BLAKE
Yes, sir - take out the mercenaries
guarding the outflow south of
Ackerman Park, blow the rubble,
you’ve got a hole big enough for
ten at a time. I’m in contact with
my partner - they’re waiting for
the day.
SPECIAL FORCES 2
Men who haven’t seen daylight for
three months?

BLAKE
Men with automatic weapons who
haven’t seen daylight in three
months.

CAPTAIN JONES
What about the bomb? The satellites
can’t see any radiation hot
spots...
Genres: ["Action","Drama"]

Summary Blake delivers a can of petrol to Father Reilly for the bus in case of evacuation. Selina realizes that the destruction she inflicted was not what she wanted. Wayne trains and toughens himself up in the underground prison. Meanwhile, Gordon and Blake meet with Special Forces to plan the rescue mission of the trapped people in Gotham.
Strengths "The scene builds up the tension and prepares the audience for the big battle to come. It also deepens the characters and their motivations."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks action and it might seem slow-paced for some viewers."
Critique Overall, the scene features strong dialogue and clear actions, but it lacks some visual descriptions and a clear sense of setting. Some suggestions to improve the scene include:

- Add more visual descriptions to help set the scene, especially in the St. Swithin's Home for Boys. Is it chaotic? What do the people look like? How does Father Reilly react to Blake's news?
- Clarify the purpose of Selina's scene. While it hints at her changing motivations, it doesn't quite connect back to the main plot or characters.
- Spend a little more time on Wayne's climb, which is a key moment of physical and mental strength. What do the other prisoners do? How does Wayne feel as he climbs?
- Again, while the dialogue is strong, it might help to add more description to some of the lines. For example, when Gordon meets the Special Forces, how does he react? Does he seem tense or relaxed?

Overall, the scene has a lot of potential and strong character interactions but could use some more visual detail and focus.
Suggestions 1. The scene needs more focus and purpose. It feels disjointed and lacking in clear narrative direction. It could benefit from a clearer through-line that ties together the different scenes and characters.

2. The dialogue could be tightened and made more efficient. There is a lot of exposition and unnecessary chatter that slows down the scene. The characters should communicate in a more purposeful and direct manner, with a clear goal in mind.

3. The action sequences need more specificity and description. The climbing scene, for example, is difficult to follow and lacking in detail. It could benefit from clearer visual cues and more precise language.

4. The pacing needs work. There are too many disparate scenes and too much happening too quickly. The scene should be streamlined and made more focused, with a clearer sense of forward momentum.

5. The characterizations need to be more fully developed. Many of the characters feel under-defined and lacking in depth. They need more backstory, more clarity of motivation, and more distinctive personalities.



Scene 34 -  The Bomb Threat
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - DAY
Blake scouts with Jones. A rumble makes them turn.
GORDON (V.O.)
They keep it on a truck - it must
have a lead-lined roof. They move
it constantly.
CAPTAIN JONES (V.O.)
But you know the truck?
121.


GORDON (V.O.)
They’ve got three of them. The
routes don’t vary much.
Two Tumblers lead a massive black truck down the street.
Captain Jones reaches into his jacket and triggers a Geiger
counter. Shows Blake the display. Nods. One of the Tumblers
stops, turns back. Blake leads them down a side street.

INT. LOWER STOREROOM - CONTINUOUS

CAPTAIN JONES
What about the triggerman?
GORDON
No leads. It’s a bluff - Bane
wouldn’t give control of that bomb
to someone else.
CAPTAIN JONES
We can’t take that chance. Until we
have the triggerman, we just track
the device, smuggle men over -
BLAKE
While Gotham lives under a warlord,
like in some failed state?

CAPTAIN JONES
Dial it back, officer. This
situation is unprecedented. We
can’t do anything to risk millions
of lives.

BLAKE
(to Gordon)
Aren’t you gonna tell him?!
GORDON
Captain, things are more
complicated than you think. There’s
somebody you need to meet. Blake?
Blake nods, leads Jones and his men up the stairs.


EXT. SIDE STREET, DOWNTOWN - CONTINUOUS
Blake leads them to the door of an empty bank.
122.


INT. TELLSONS BANK - CONTINUOUS
They head across the empty lobby to an elevator.

INT. OFFICES ABOVE TELLSONS - MOMENTS LATER

Blake leads them into empty offices. Cots and makeshift
furnishings line the offices and corridors.
BLAKE
I was up here looking for a vantage
point. Found the people who run the
corporation who owns it living
here.
CAPTAIN JONES
Which corporation?
FOX (O.S.)
Wayne Enterprises.
Lucius Fox is there, with Miranda Tate.

BLAKE
Captain, meet Mr. Fox. Mr. Fox, I’d
like you to brief the Captain.
Captain Jones indicates Miranda.

FOX
Miss Tate is fully aware of the
situation.
MIRANDA
And as CEO of Wayne Enterprises, I
have to take responsibility for it.
CAPTAIN JONES
Why?

MIRANDA
Because, Captain, we built it.
CAPTAIN JONES
You built the bomb?

FOX
It was built as a fusion reactor.
The first of its kind. Bane turned
the core into a bomb, then
disconnected it from the reactor.
123.


BLAKE
And here’s the important part.
FOX
As the device’s fuel cells decay,
it’s becoming increasingly
unstable...until the point of
detonation.
BLAKE
The bomb’s a time bomb.

FOX
And it will go off. In twenty-three
days.
Captain Jones reels at this news.

BLAKE
Bane’s revolution is a sham. He’s
watching Gotham rearrange its
deckchairs while the whole ship’s
going down. Your appeasement plan
might not be as practical as you
thought.
Captain Jones throws Blake a look. Addresses Fox.
CAPTAIN JONES
Could you disarm it?
FOX
I don’t know, But I could reconnect
it to the reactor. Stabilize it.

CAPTAIN JONES
We’d have to let the Pentagon know.
SPECIAL FORCES 2
They’ll be monitoring our
frequencies -
CAPTAIN JONES
We have no choice. Let’s move away
from this location, then call it
in.
124.


INT. TELLSONS BANK - MOMENTS LATER
Captain Jones exits the elevator, followed by his men and
Blake. Halfway across the floor, hell breaks loose.
Mercenaries blast them with machine guns - the lobby becomes
a devastating ambush. Blake dives back into the elevator.


INT. OFFICES ABOVE TELLSONS - CONTINUOUS
Blake flies out of the elevator.

BLAKE
Fox, somebody sold us out!
Fox and Miranda burst into the corridor.

FOX
Take Miranda -
Blake grabs Miranda, heads for the back stairs. Mercenaries
jump out of the elevator, firing high.

MERCERNARY
DOWN ON THE FLOOR!
Fox freezes. Lowers himself to the ground.


INT. TELLSONS BANK - CONTINUOUS
Captain Jones goes down in a hail of bullets. The other
Special Forces Men are down. Bane enters, midges Jones with
his toe. He is alive. Barely. Bane leans in close. Jones
looks up at him, defiant.

CAPTAIN JONES
I’ll die before I talk...
BANE
I’m on your schedule, Captain.

Bane places his hand over Jones’s nose and mouth.
MERCERNARY
There were people living upstairs.

Bane looks up, disinterested. Jones is dead.
BANE
Give them over for judgement.
(Indicates bodies.) Hang them where
the world will see.
125.

INT. STONE CELL, UNDERGROUND PRISON - DAY
Wayne stares at the TV: the Special Forces bodies hang in
the cables of Gotham Bridge. Wayne throws a stone into the
screen.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Gordon and Blake meet with Special Forces to plan the rescue mission of the trapped people in Gotham. They find out about the Neutron Bomb and that it will detonate in twenty-three days. They plan to disarm it but are betrayed and attacked by mercenaries. Bane shows no mercy and hangs the Special Forces bodies on Gotham Bridge. Wayne watches all this from his underground prison.
Strengths "Intense action, intriguing plot twists, well-developed characters"
Weaknesses "Dialogue could have been stronger"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively moves the plot forward, but there are some areas that could be improved.

First, the dialogue between Blake, Jones, and Gordon feels a bit stilted and expositional. They are discussing important information, but it could be delivered in a more organic way.

Second, the introduction of Miranda Tate and her role in the company and with the bomb feels sudden and convenient. It may benefit the story to have her introduced earlier and have her involvement in the plot seeded in earlier scenes.

Finally, the action sequence at the end feels rushed and not fully developed. It would benefit from more description and pacing to create a stronger sense of tension and peril for the characters.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the stakes for the rest of the film, but could benefit from some refinement.
Suggestions - The dialogue could use some tightening. Some lines could be removed or condensed to make it more efficient and flow better.
- It would be clearer if the Tumblers and the massive black truck were described in more detail, as well as the Geiger counter that Captain Jones triggers.
- The action in the final shootout could be clearer with better description of where characters are and what they are doing.
- It might be helpful to provide some more information about the history of the corporation that owns the empty bank, since it becomes an important plot point.
- It could be useful to show more of the characters' emotions in a more nuanced way, rather than simply stating what they're feeling in dialogue.



Scene 35 -  The Climb
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SAME - LATER

Wayne does endless push-ups, squats, stretches. The Blind
Prisoner listens. He speaks in an ancient tongue.
PRISONER
He says the leap to freedom is not
about strength.

WAYNE
My body makes the jump.
BLIND PRISONER
(cracked English)
Survival is the spirit. The soul.
WAYNE
My soul’s as ready to escape as my
body.

BLIND PRISONER
Fear is why you fail.
WAYNE
I’m not afraid. I’m angry.

Wayne throws punches...focused.

INT. UNDERGROUND PRISON - DAY

Wayne takes the rope at the foot of the climb. Prisoners
look up, but none bother to gather round. Wayne starts
climbing, determined.
He FIGHTS the rock face...breathing hard. Grabs at a rock -
it comes away in his hand. He DROPS - SMASHES into the rock
face. The Blind Prisoner shakes his head.
A Skinny Prisoner playing cards with the Prisoner looks up
at Wayne, hanging upside down.
SKINNY PRISONER
Shouldn’t you get him down?
The Prisoner glances up at Wayne, disdainful.
126.


PRISONER
He’ll keep.
As Wayne drifts into unconsciousness we -
INSERT CUT: Young Bruce lies at the bottom of the well,
looking up at his father, lowering down to rescue him.
THOMAS WAYNE (V.O.)
And why do we fall?


INT. CAVE PRISON - NIGHT
Wayne wakes with a start - the Blind Prisoner is there.
BLIND PRISONER
(cracked English)
You do not fear death. You think
this makes you strong. This makes
you weak.
WAYNE
Why?
BLIND PRISONER
How can you move faster then
possible? Fight longer than
possible? If not from the most
powerful impulse of the spirit. The
fear of death. The will to survive.
Wayne gets up onto his elbow. Looks at the Blind Prisoner.
WAYNE
I do fear death. I fear dying in
here while my city burns with no
one there to save it.
BLIND PRISONER
Then make the climb.
WAYNE
How?
BLIND PRISONER
As the child did. Without the rope.
(Dry laugh.) Then fear will find
you again.
Wayne considers this.
127.


INT. CAVE PRISON - MORNING
Wayne puts some scraps of bread into a rough coat which he
folds into a makeshift shoulder pack.
PRISONER
Supplies for your journey?
Prisoners nearby laugh. Wayne moves to the cliff face. The
Prisoner follows, intrigued by Wayne’s new demeanor. The
Tattooed Prisoner offers him the rope. Wayne refuses. Starts
to climb. Prisoners gather around as word spreads. Wayne
makes his way cautiously up the treacherous rock face. Down
below the Prisoners start a low chant.
As Wayne hoists himself up onto the precipice something
EXPLODES from the cliff face. Wayne flinches - BATS... They
circle up to the opening above...
Wayne closes his eyes. The chant RISES. Wayne takes a
breath...opens his eyes...looks down at the drop...up
again...then he jumps.

Time skips a beat as the Prisoners stop breathing.
And Wayne GRABS the ledge above.
The Prisoners go WILD as Wayne hoists himself up onto the
ledge. The Blind Prisoner nods. Wayne climbs to FREEDOM.


EXT. CAVE PRISON, NEAR A FORTRESS - CONTINUOUS
Wayne climbs out of the hole and into formidable desolation.
He shoulders his pack - spots a large coil of rope attached
to the wall. He pushes it into the hole then walks away...

INT. BASEMENT, ABANDONED STOCK EXCHANGE - DAY
A mass of huddled Gothamites. Professionals (traders,
industrialists). In a corner, Fox. Mercenaries come down
into the chamber, pull out a man, who starts yelling. It is
Stryver, Daggett’s functionary.
STRYVER
I want to see Bane! There’s been a
mistake! Take me to Bane!
Fox watches him dragged upstairs...
128.


INT. ABANDONED STOCK EXCHANGE - MOMENTS LATER
A kangaroo court. Stryver is dragged before a jeering crowd.
STRYVER
There’s been a mistake! Where’s
Bane?!
VOICE (O.S.)
There’s been no mistake, Mr.
Stryver.

Stryver turns to look at the ’judge’: Dr. Jonathan Crane.
CRANE
You are Philip Stryver, executive
vice-president of Daggett
Industries? (Off nod from Stryver.)
The same Philip Stryver who for
years lived like a prince off the
blood and sweat of people less
powerful?

STRYVER
Call Bane! I’m one of you!
Jeers. Pull back to reveal a silent figure, watching. Bane.
CRANE
Bane has no authority here. This is
merely a sentencing hearing. The
choice is yours, death or exile.
Stryver looks around, terrified, as the crowd shouts
’Death’.

STRYVER
Exile.
CRANE
(smashes gavel)
Sold...to the man in the cold
sweat!
Mercenaries pull Stryver from the dock...


EXT. GOTHAM RIVER - DAY
Stryver, with other wealthy Gothamites, is led down to the
ice. A Blackgate Inmate undoes his handcuffs, whispering.
129.


BLACKGATE INMATE
Follow the tick ice. Try to swim -
you’re dead in minutes.
STRYVER
Has anyone made it?
The Blackgate Inmate turns away. Stryver is forced onto the
ice. He shuffles forward, listening to the creaking...
Stryver is a hundred yards out when the river swallows him.
Genres: ["Action","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Wayne toughens himself up in the underground prison and learns about the leap of faith he must take to escape. He climbs to freedom and escapes the cave prison. Meanwhile, Stryver is put on trial by Bane's followers and is sentenced to exile. He is forced to walk on thin ice and ultimately meets his fate.
Strengths "The scene is intense and action-packed, showcasing Wayne's physical and mental strength."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be stronger."
Critique Overall, this scene is pretty strong and does a good job of building suspense and tension. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved:

1. Dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels a bit heavy-handed and on-the-nose, particularly with the Blind Prisoner's lines about fear and survival. It might be more effective to show these themes through Wayne's actions and reactions rather than having them spelled out in dialogue.

2. Clarity: The action during Wayne's climb up the rock face is a bit confusing to follow. It's not always clear how he's moving or why he's falling, and the quick cuts to Young Bruce don't help with the continuity either.

3. Detail: There's not a lot of description or detail given to the setting or the characters, which can make it hard to visualize what's happening. Adding some more sensory details or physical descriptions could help bring the scene to life, and giving the Prisoners more distinct personalities could make them more memorable.

Overall, there is room for improvement in this scene, but it's still a strong and effective moment in the story.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show more of Wayne's struggle during his climb. This will add more tension to the scene and make it more exciting.

2. Have the Blind Prisoner speak in a more understandable language or have someone translate for Wayne. This will make his advice clearer and easier to understand.

3. Incorporate more dialogue between Wayne and the Blind Prisoner to explore their relationship and the lessons Wayne is learning.

4. Use more descriptive language to give a better sense of the environment and the characters' movements.

5. Consider using flashback scenes to show more of Wayne's past and how it relates to his current situation. This will give more depth to his character and add emotional weight to the scene.

6. Show more of the reaction from the other prisoners during Wayne's climb. This will add to the tension and also emphasize how difficult the climb is seen to be.

7. Consider adding more dialogue to the Stryver scene to emphasize the gravity of the situation. This will make the audience care more about the characters and their fate.



Scene 36 -  Planning the Rescue Mission
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. EMPTY OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
Gordon stands over a map of the city. A handful of Cops sit
around the room. Waiting. Gordon looks at his watch.

GORDON
Where the hell are they? It’s not
like we have a lot of time, here.
COP
How long?
GORDON
The bomb goes off tomorrow. We’ve
got about eighteen hours to do
something.

COP
To do what?
GORDON
We mark that truck. Get a GPS on
it, then we can start thinking
about how to take it down.
The door opens and Blake enters, followed by ten cops.
Gordon is counting them in. He moves to Blake.

GORDON
(low)
That’s it?
Blake just looks at him. Gordon checks the faces. Realizes.

GORDON
Foley. Where’s Foley, dammit?!
Gordon heads for the door.
130.


BLAKE
You shouldn’t be out on the streets
-


EXT. FOLEY’S BROWNSTONE - DAY
Gordon hurries up the steps to a brownstone. Stabs the bell.
FOLEY’S WIFE
Jim. He’s not here -

Gordon, furious, addresses the hallway behind her.
GORDON
You’re sending your wife to the
door when the city’s under
occupation?!
Foley appears at the end of the corridor. Ashamed.
FOLEY
Wait in the kitchen, honey.

GORDON
What did you do, bury your uniform
in the backyard?
FOLEY
Jim, you saw what they did to those
Special Forces.
GORDON
You forgotten all the years we went
out on patrol with every gangbanger
wanting to plant one as soon as our
backs were turned?
FOLEY
This is different and you know it.
These guys run the city - the
government’s done a deal with them
-
GORDON
Deal?! Bane’s got their balls in a
vice. That’s not a deal -
FOLEY
You move against Bane, the
triggerman’s gonna hit the button -
131.


GORDON
You think he’s given control of
that bomb to one of ’the people’?!
You think this is part of some
revolution? There’s one man with
his finger on the button - Bane.
FOLEY
We have to keep our heads down
until they can fix this. If you
still had family here maybe you’d -

GORDON
This only gets fixed from inside
the city, Foley. (Calmer.) Look,
I’m not asking you to walk down
Grand in your dress blues. But
we’ve got to do something before
this maniac blows us all to hell.
FOLEY
I’m sorry Jim. I gotta -

GORDON
Keep your head down? What’s that
gonna do tomorrow, when that thing
blows?
FOLEY
You don’t know that’s going to
happen.
Foley closes the door on Gordon. Gordon stands there.

MIRANDA (O.S)
I hear you’re looking for men,
Commissioner.
Gordon turns to see Miranda, Blake behind her. Blake shrugs.

MIRANDA
How about me, instead?
GORDON
Miss take, I can’t ask you -

MIRANDA
My company built it.
GORDON
Bruce Wayne built it.
132.


MIRANDA
And he wanted to destroy it. It was
me who didn’t listen. Please.
Gordon looks at Blake. Then Miranda. Nods.

GORDON
Let’s go.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Gordon, Blake, and a group of cops plan to mark the truck with the bomb, get a GPS on it, and take it down before it detonates. Foley, a former cop, tries to persuade Gordon to keep his head down, but Gordon is determined to do something before the bomb blows. Miranda, who helped build the bomb, offers to join the mission.
Strengths "The scene effectively sets up the stakes for the rescue mission and displays the determination of the main characters to take action. The dialogue is tense and helps build conflict."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue can come across as repetitive, and the scene could benefit from more visual action to break up the exposition."
Critique Overall, the scene is effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, particularly when Gordon and the cop are discussing the timeline for stopping the bomb. The exposition could be conveyed more subtly.

Secondly, the scene could benefit from more descriptive action and visual detail. For example, when Gordon is counting the cops as they enter the room, it would be more engaging to see him physically ticking off names on a list or using his fingers to keep track.

Finally, the scene lacks a clear central conflict or obstacle to overcome, which could make it feel somewhat aimless. To add more tension, perhaps there could be a moment where Gordon and Foley need to decide whether to take a risky action or play it safe, but they have different opinions on what to do.

Overall, the scene could benefit from stronger dialogue and more vivid action, but it effectively sets up the stakes for the rest of the story.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Create more tension: The scene is building towards a critical moment in the plot, but the urgency could be heightened. Consider adding more details about the bomb, the stakes, and the city's reaction to it.

2. Use more visual language: Screenwriting is all about visual storytelling, and this scene could benefit from more descriptions of the characters and settings. For example, describe the look on Gordon's face when he realizes Foley is missing, or the busy police station around him.

3. Develop the relationships: The scene raises several interesting relationships, like Gordon's frustration with Foley, and Miranda's willingness to help. To make the characters feel authentic and memorable, try to add more dialogue or backstory that gives more context to these relationships.

4. Incorporate more character actions: This scene involves a lot of dialogue and exposition, but could benefit from more character actions that show what they are thinking or feeling. For instance, the cops could be fidgeting nervously or checking their weapons, which would help build tension and show their reactions to the impending bomb threat.



Scene 37 -  The Clean Slate
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. GOTHAM STREET - DAY

A Kid sprints down the deserted street, chased by two
Gangbangers. The Kid slips in the snow - the men are on him.
GANGBANGER
You steal from us, you little
bastard?
They grab the Kid’s backpack, the Gangbanger pulls out an
apple, moves to hit the Kid when - SMACK! - his hand is
grabbed, and the apple flies into the air as his arm cracks.
Selina catches the apple.

SELINA
You boys know you can’t come into
my neighborhood without asking
politely.

Gangbanger 2 lunges with a knife - she spins him, making him
stab himself in the backside. The Gangbangers run off,
howling. The Kid eyes her, wary.
SELINA
Never steal anything from someone
you can’t outrun, kid.
KID
Now you’re gonna take it.

Selina looks at the red apple. Takes one perfect bite.
SELINA
Just tax.
She tosses him the apple. He takes it and runs.

WAYNE (O.S.)
Pretty generous, for a thief.
Selina recognizes the voice. Turns to find Wayne - strong,
but weathered. Beard, work clothes.
133.


SELINA
You came back. I thought they’d
killed you.
WAYNE
Not yet.
SELINA
If you’re expecting an apology -
WAYNE
It wouldn’t suit you. I need your
help.
SELINA
And why would I help you?

Wayne pulls a USB drive out of his pocket.
WAYNE
For this. The ’Clean Slate’.
SELINA
You’re gonna trust me with that?
After what I did to you?
WAYNE
I admit I felt a little let down.
But I still think there’s more to
you. In fact, I think for you -
(indicates USB) this isn’t a tool,
it’s an escape route. You want to
disappear. Start fresh.

She looks at him. Takes the drive, staring at it.
SELINA
Start fresh? I can’t even get off
this island.

WAYNE
I can give you a way off. Once
you’ve gotten me to Lucius Fox. I
need you to find out where they’re
holding him. Then take me in.

SELINA
Why do you need Fox?
WAYNE
To save this city.
134.


SELINA
Who says it needs saving? Maybe I
like it this way.
WAYNE
Maybe you do. But tomorrow that
bomb’s going off.
SELINA
Get your powerful friend on the
case.

WAYNE
I’m trying. But I need Fox.

EXT. GOTHAM STREETS - DAY

Gordon and his Men are in two-man teams. Gordon is walking
down the street with Miranda. He hands her a Geiger counter.
GORDON
Stay further up the block. (Points
at Men.) They’re gonna cross the
street and try and slow the truck
down. As it approaches, hit this
button. If the needle hits two
hundred - give me the signal and I
mark the truck. Okay?

BLAKE
(over radio)
Heads up.

Blake is up on a rooftop. Gordon moves down to the other end
of the block. As the truck rumbles into view, Gordon’s Men
walk out into the street in front of it as if crossing the
road. The convoy barely slows. Miranda gives Gordon the
signal. As the truck comes past, he tosses a magnetic GPS
locator at the lower part of the truck...

Gordon regroups with his Men on the corner. Checks his GPS.
GORDON
Got it.

They keep moving, turning down the next street...into an
ambush. Dozens of Mercenaries, weapons trained.
MERCENARY
Commissioner Gordon, you’re under
arrest.
135.

GORDON
On whose authority?
MERCERNARY
The people of Gotham.

Blake, from his vantage point, watches Gordon, Miranda and
the other Cops being rounded up and led away...
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Gordon, Blake, and Miranda plan a mission to disarm the Neutron Bomb that will detonate in twenty-three days. Selina is approached by Wayne who wants her help in finding Lucius Fox. They have a conversation about the Clean Slate, a tool that Selina sees as a way to start fresh. Meanwhile, Gordon and his men attempt to mark the truck with the bomb, but they are ambushed by mercenaries.
Strengths "The stakes are high with the Neutron Bomb set to detonate soon, adding tension to the scene. The dialogue between Selina and Wayne is intriguing, particularly the discussion about the Clean Slate. The ambush at the end adds an unexpected twist and raises the level of conflict."
Weaknesses "The scene jumps around between different storylines, which can be confusing for viewers who haven't seen the rest of the movie. Some viewers may also find the introduction of the Clean Slate as a device to tie up loose ends a little too convenient."
Critique Overall, the scene is well written and establishes the characters and their motivations clearly. However, there are some minor issues in terms of clarity and pacing.

Firstly, the action sequence with Selina and the Gangbangers could benefit from more visual description to make it easier to follow. The physical movements of the characters are not always clear, making the scene feel somewhat rushed and confusing.

Secondly, the dialogue between Selina and Wayne feels somewhat exposition-heavy. Their conversation is necessary for the plot, but it could be more organic and naturalistic in its delivery.

Finally, the transition from Gordon's plan to the ambush feels abrupt and could benefit from more buildup and tension. The sudden appearance of dozens of mercenaries feels slightly contrived and lacks the necessary foreshadowing to make it feel like a believable twist.

Overall, the scene is well constructed, but could benefit from some minor revisions to make it feel more polished and cohesive.
Suggestions 1. Consider adding more action and tension to the chase scene. Make it more visually exciting and engaging for the audience.

2. Develop the dialogue between Selina and Wayne to be more impactful and emotionally charged to establish stronger character motivations.

3. Increase the stakes of the ambush scene and make it more suspenseful to create a higher sense of tension and drama.

4. Consider adding more description and sensory details to the scenes to create a more immersive experience for the audience.

5. Simplify the dialogue to be more concise and impactful to avoid any unnecessary exposition.



Scene 38 -  The Bat Rises
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. BASEMENT, ABANDONED STOCK EXCHANGE - DAY

Miranda comforts a crying Woman in the corner. Thugs come
down the stairs, laughing, leading a Hooded Prisoner. They
kick him down the last step and he stumbles. Fox moves to
his aid.

BASEMENT THUG 1
Find this one a spot, he’s got a
big day tomorrow.
They dump the Hooded Man with Fox.

BASEMENT THUG 2
We all do. Ir’s not every day you
bag Bruce Wayne...
Fox hears this. Pulls the bag from Wayne’s head. Wayne nods
at him, silent. Fox nods back. The Thugs leave. Miranda
comes over.
MIRANDA
Bruce?

FOX
You picked a hell of a time to go
on vacation, Mr. Wayne.
WAYNE
How long until the core ignites?

FOX
That bomb goes off in twelve hours.
WAYNE
Unless we can connect it to the
reactor.
FOX
If you can get it there. I’ll find
a way to plug it back in.
(Indicates Miranda.) Can you get
Miranda out?
136.


WAYNE
Not tonight. I’m sorry.
MIRANDA
Do what’s necessary.

WAYNE
(to Fox)
Tonight I need you.
FOX
What for?
WAYNE
To get me back in the game.
Catwoman comes down the stairs with the Thugs.

CATWOMAN
Sorry to spoil things, boys, but
Bane wants these guys himself...
The thugs pull Wayne and Fox to their feet - Miranda looks
up.
WAYNE
I won’t forget about you.
MIRANDA
I know.

EXT. COLONNADE, HOLDING AREA - CONTINUOUS
The Thugs lead Wayne and Fox along the colonnade. Catwoman
spins, takes out one Thug with a heel, one with a punch to
the throat. Fox smiles as she unlocks his wrists.
FOX
I like your girlfriend, Mr. Wayne.

CATWOMAN
He should be so lucky.
And she’s gone. Fox turns to Wayne. Who shrugs.


INT. DARK SPACE - NIGHT
Lights flicker on... Wayne and Fox are in the Bat-Bunker.
137.


WAYNE
Any move I make against Bane or the
bomb - the triggerman sets it off.
FOX
They can’t be using radio or cell -
too much interference. Infrared
doesn’t have the range. It could
only be micro-burst long wave...
Wayne opens a panel in the wall, takes out equipment:
mini-mines, Batarangs, utility belt...
WAYNE
Could you block it?
FOX
Yes. I need the EMP cannon-guidance
mount from the Bat. You remember
where you parked?
Wayne nods. Smiles. The Batsuit rises from the floor...


INT. ABANDONED STOCK EXCHANGE - EVENING (LATE DAY)
Gordon and his men on trial. Crane presides.
CRANE
The charges are espionage and
attempted sabotage... Do you have
anything to say in your defense?
GORDON
No lawyer, no witnesses. What sort
of due process is this?
CRANE
More than you give Harvey’s
prisoners, Commissioner. Your guilt
is determined, this is merely a
sentencing hearing. What’s it to
be, death or exile?
GORDON
Crane, if you think we are going
willingly out onto that ice, you’ve
got another think coming.
CRANE
Death, than?
138.


GORDON
Looks that way.
CRANE
Very well... Death... (Smiles.) By
exile.

He smashes his gavel. Bane leans in to one of his men,
indicates Miranda.
BANE
Bring her to me.

INT. STAIRWELL, SKYSCRAPER - SUNSET
Wayne bounds up the stairs. Fox follows, out of breath

LUCIUS
I think it’s time to talk about my
year-end bonus...


EXT. ROOFTOP, SKYSCRAPER, GOTHAM - MOMENTS LATER
Fox emerges to see Wayne uncovering the Bat... As the sun
sets, Fox starts pulling apart the gun mount.
FOX
She fly pretty well?
WAYNE
Even without the autopilot...
FOX
Autopilot? That’s what you’re there
for.

EXT. GOTHAM RIVER - NIGHT

Gordon and the rest of the men stand at the edge of the ice.
A Mercenary fires his gun in the air. Gordon takes a breath,
then leads his men onto the ice...which creaks and groans...
Further out, Gordon stops - sniffs - looks down: a pool of
liquid, beside it: a flare. Gordon picks it up, puzzled.
BATMAN (O.S.)
Light it up.
139.


Gordon, energized by the familiar voice, lights the flare -
jams it into the liquid, sending a trail of FIRE across the
ice - up into a building where it forms the shape of a
BAT...


INT. FOLEY’S BROWNSTONE - CONTINUOUS
FOLEY’S KIDS
Dad! Check it out!

FOLEY’S WIFE
Honey, take a look!
Foley moves to a back window. Sees the flaming sign.


EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS
A Mercenary nervously approaches Bane’s back.
MERCENARY
Sir?

Bane turns. The Mercenary points at the sign.
MERCENARY
You think it’s really him?

BANE
Impossible...

INT. FOLEY’S BROWNSTONE, BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Foley yanks up the floorboards. Pull his dress blues from
their hiding place.
Genres: ["action","superhero"]

Summary After escaping the underground prison, Wayne teams up with Fox to block the triggerman and save Gotham from the Neutron bomb. Meanwhile, Gordon and his team are ambushed by mercenaries while planning to disarm the bomb. Miranda is sentenced to exile, and Bane shows interest in her. Catwoman helps Wayne and Fox escape from the thugs. The bat signal is lit up, and Foley retrieves his dress blues.
Strengths "The buildup of tension and suspense as the different characters race against time to disarm the bomb is captivating. The moment when Wayne and Fox rise from the Bat-Bunker in their suits is empowering and memorable. The symbolism of the flaming bat in the sky is a tribute to Batman's legacy and a call to action. The dialogue is sharp and witty, especially between Wayne and Fox."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel slightly overwhelming with too many character arcs and subplots, such as Miranda's exile and Foley's retrieval of his dress blues. The action scenes may be difficult to follow in terms of choreography and spatial orientation. It may be unclear how Catwoman knew where to find Wayne and Fox or why Bane suddenly doubts the possibility of Batman's return."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written in terms of pacing, structure, and dialogue. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

First, there could be more attention given to the physical descriptions and actions of the characters. For example, when Catwoman takes out the thugs, it's not entirely clear how she does it. Including more specific actions can add to the visual power of the scene.

Additionally, some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, especially with regards to exposition. For example, the conversation between Wayne and Fox about the EMP cannon-guidance mount feels like a way to explain required information to the audience rather than a natural exchange between characters.

Finally, there isn't a clear sense of what the objective or goal of the scene is. While some developments occur, such as the reveal of the Bat-Bunker and the sentencing hearing, there isn't a clear sense of what the characters are trying to accomplish beyond survival. Adding a specific objective or goal can help drive the scene forward and make it feel more dynamic.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the emotions of the characters: While it is clear that Miranda is crying and Fox is out of breath, there is little indication of what Wayne is feeling. Additional description of his facial expressions or body language could help make his emotions more clear to the audience.

2. Consider adding more tension: While the scene does have some tension, particularly with the impending bomb and the threat to Miranda, there could be more added to make the audience more invested in what is happening. Perhaps one of the thugs could be more aggressive towards Miranda, or there could be a struggle between Fox and the thugs when they try to take Wayne away.

3. Develop character relationships: While it is clear that Fox and Wayne have a working relationship, and that Miranda and Wayne have some level of familiarity, their relationships could be developed further to make them more emotionally engaging for the audience.

4. Avoid exposition: While the conversation between Fox and Wayne about the radio interference and the EMP cannon-guidance mount is necessary for the plot, it could be delivered in a way that is less expository and more engaging. Perhaps they could be testing the equipment as they talk, or discussing it while they are in the Bat.

5. Add visual interest: While the scene is primarily focused on dialogue, there could be more visual interest added to make it more engaging for the audience. Perhaps there could be some interesting camera angles or close-ups to emphasize the emotions of the characters, or the environment they are in could be visually striking.



Scene 39 -  The Calm Before the Storm
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. OUTFLOW PIPE, ACKERMAN PARK - CONTINUOUS

Mercenaries guarding the entrance see the sign. One of them
moves out to get a better look. WHAM! He is taken out by a
dark figure. The figure steps into the light - it is
Blake...


EXT. GOTHAM RIVER - CONTINUOUS
Batman hands Gordon a metal box.
140.

BATMAN
This blocks the remote detonator
signal to the bomb. Get into onto
the truck by sunrise. They might
hit the button when it starts.

GORDON
When what starts?
BATMAN
War.


EXT. OUTFLOW PIPE, ACKERMAN PARK - CONTINUOUS
Blake takes out a second Mercenary - moves over to the open
manhole. Ross emerges - nots at Blake, who helps him climb
out. BANG - Ross goes down as Blake dives for cover. Blake
is grabbed by Mercenaries. They detonate the manhole,
sealing it, prepare to execute Blake. A dark shape drops
onto the Mercenaries... Blake watches, in awe, as Batman
takes them out in a fury of punches and kicks - then it is
finished. Quiet. One of the Mercenaries moves slightly.
BLAKE
You missed a spot.
Batman boots him in the head as he moves towards Blake.

BATMAN
If you’re working alone, wear a
mask.
BLAKE
No one cares who I am.
BATMAN
The mask is not for you. It’s to
protect the people you care about.

BLAKE
Huh. And you always seem to know
where those people are. How is
that?
BATMAN
I lost someone once. Since then I
break into their homes when they’re
sleeping and implant a tracking
device on the back of their neck.

Blake laughs. Then feels the back of his neck. Batman tosses
Blake a mini-mine.
141.


BATMAN
On three - one, two, three -
They throw the mini-mines at the rubble of the entrance -
the blasts barely move any rubble.

BLAKE
No offense, but you got anything
bigger in that belt?
BATMAN
That’s to warn the men on the other
side.
Batman disappears into the shadows.
BLAKE
But how do we -?
KAABOOOM! The Bat’s cannons light up the night.
BLAKE
Okay.

Cops climb out into the cold night - skinny, ragged, but
glad to be alive and carrying guns...
BLAKE
What now?

BATMAN
All-out assault on Bane...but you
need to get the people your care
about across the bridge.

BLAKE
Why?
BATMAN
In case we fail. Lead an exodus
across the bridge. Save as many
lives as you can.
BLAKE
Don’t you need me here?

BATMAN
You’ve given me an army. Now go.
Blake nods. Turns to leave. Stops.
142.

BLAKE
Thank you.

BATMAN
Don’t thank me yet.
BLAKE
I might not get a chance later.

Batman nods. Blake disappears into the night.

EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS
Gordon checks the metal box. Puts it under his coat. Nods at
his men, hiding in the doorways. Checks his GPS...

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
Batman leads Catwoman to a rusty old container. He opens it,
revealing the Bat-Pod. Catwoman’s eyes light up.
CATWOMAN
Oh, you shouldn’t have...
She hops on, feeling the controls.

BATMAN
The mid-town tunnel’s blocked by
debris, but the cannons give you
enough firepower to make a path for
people.

Catwoman marvels at the controls...
BATMAN
To start it, you -

VARROOOM!
CATWOMAN
I got it.

BATMAN
We’ve got forty-five minutes to
save this city -
CATWOMAN
No, I’ve got forty-five minutes to
get clear of the blast radius,
because you don’t stand a chance
against these guys.
143.

BATMAN
With your help I might.

She shakes her head.
CATWOMAN
I’ll open that tunnel, then I’m
gone.

He looks at her.
BATMAN
There’s more to you than that.
She stares back at him. Facade slipping a touch.

CATWOMAN
Sorry to keep letting you down.
He says nothing. She looks at him, imploring.
Come with me. Save yourself. You
don’t owe these people anymore -
you’ve given them everything...
BATMAN
Not everything. Not yet.

Batman turns. Catwoman watches him go. Then fires up the
bike and takes off.

EXT. STREETS LEADING TO SOUTH TUNNEL - NIGHT

Catwoman tears along on the Bat-Pod. She pulls up at the
tunnel entrance blocked by stacked vehicles.

EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS - DAWN

The army of Cops stands at the low end of the street. At the
op is Bane’s stronghold - City Hall. Men pour out of the
building, forming up into an opposing line.
A Cop wearing full dress blues steps forward. It is Foley.
The silence is eerie... The numbers look evenly matched -
until two Tumblers arrive.
VOICE
(over loudspeaker)
DISPERSE. DISPERSE OR BE FIRED
UPON.
The Cops look shaky, pale, but determined.
144.


FOLEY
There’s only one police in this
city.
He steps forward. The line follows.
Genres: ["action","drama","thriller"]

Summary Blake and Batman take on the mercenaries guarding the outflow pipe while Gordon and his team attempt to mark the truck with the bomb. Batman hands Gordon a metal box and instructs him to get into the truck by sunrise and block the remote detonator signal to the bomb. Meanwhile, Catwoman helps him get across the bridge and opens the mid-town tunnel while Foley leads the Cops in an all-out assault on Bane's stronghold.
Strengths "Intense action scenes, high stakes, strong themes of sacrifice and heroism, compelling character interactions, and a sense of impending doom."
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more impactful, and the pacing can drag at times."
Critique Overall, this scene appears to be well-written and effective in advancing the plot. The action is clear and the dialogue is concise and impactful. However, there are a few potential areas for improvement.

Firstly, the sequence of events at the outflow pipe in Ackerman Park could be better developed. The sudden appearance and disappearance of Batman feels a bit too convenient and rushed. It would be more effective to build up the tension and intrigue surrounding his arrival and departure.

Secondly, the exchange between Batman and Blake about the tracking device on the back of people's necks feels out of place and inappropriate. It doesn't fit with Batman's character and comes across as forced humor that detracts from the seriousness of the scene.

Lastly, the dialogue between Batman and Catwoman at the rusty old container feels a bit contrived and predictable. Their dialogue has a tendency to state the obvious and lacks nuance and depth.

Overall, while there are some areas for improvement, this scene effectively advances the plot and sets up the climax of the film.
Suggestions 1. Add more description: While the action is clear, there is not much description of the setting, characters or their emotions. Adding more visual details and descriptions of the characters’ thoughts and feelings can add depth to the scene.

2. Make the dialogue more concise: Some of the dialogue in this scene is unnecessarily long and could benefit from being shortened or simplified. This can help make the conversation flow more smoothly, and make the scene feel less clunky.

3. Use more visual cues: Adding more visual cues, such as the characters’ movements and facial expressions, can add more emotion and depth to the scene. This can help readers better understand the characters’ intentions and reactions.

4. Add more tension: While there is action in this scene, it could benefit from increased tension. By building up the stakes and making the threat feel more immediate, the scene can become more engaging and dramatic.

5. Clarify the setting: While it is clear that the action takes place in Gotham, it is not always clear where the characters are or what is happening around them. Clarifying the setting and adding more description to the environment can help readers better visualize the scene.



Scene 40 -  Battle for Gotham and Revelation of Talia's Identity
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS
Bane stands in the colonnade. Watching.

BANE
Open fire.

EXT. STREET, DOWNTOWN GOTHAM - CONTINUOUS

The Tumblers FIRE into the line of Cops, THROWING men into
the air, SCREAMING. The line of Cops is about to scatter -
WHOOOSHHH. The Bat DROPS down in front of the Cops and
BLASTS both Tumblers, FLIPPING them sideways. The Bat RISES
and the cops run towards the Mercenaries, firing - until
they are close enough to fight hand-to-hand. The street is
filled with thousands of men in pitched battle.

EXT. STREETS LEADING TO SOUTH TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS
Catwoman, hearing the distant battle, blasts the tunnel
blockage...the dust settles. Her path is clear.

EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS
Gordon heard the fighting. Checks the box. Nervous.

GORDON
Come on, come on...

EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - CONTINUOUS

Bane strides through the battle, taking out Cops left and
right. A space clears - he is face the face with the
Batman...

BANE
You came back. To die with your
city.
BATMAN
No. I came back to stop you.
145.


Bane leaps at batman, smashing powerful blows into his head.
Batman ducks, weaves and smashes his fists into Bane’s side.
Someone is watching from the window of City Hall - Miranda.


EXT. GOTHAM STREET - CONTINUOUS
The black truck rounds the corner. Gordon signals his man in
a Greyhound bus - who pulls across the street. The truck
smashes into the bus and stops. Gordon and his men swarm in,
blasting at the Guards. Gordon opens the back - empty. No
bomb. Wrong truck.
GORDON
That’s impossible... Come on! Cut
over to Fifth!

They sprint for the next parallel avenue...

INT. REACTOR PLANT - CONTINUOUS

Fox hurries into the reactor - starts throwing switches...

EXT. ST. SWITHIN’S HOME FOR BOYS - CONTINUOUS
Blake leads the boys out of the home - points down the
street.
BLAKE
Knock on doors, spread the word -
the bomb’s going to blow! Get out
by the South Street tunnel, or over
the bridge! Do two blocks, then get
back to the bus!
The boys race down the street. Father Reilly climbs into the
bus.


EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS
Batman and Bane fight, Batman pushing Bane back - a Tumbler
roars between them, separating them. Batman chases after.
146.


INT. LOBBY, CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS
Bane SMASHES backwards through the door, Batman on him.
Batman POUNDS Bane against the marble floor. Mercenaries
guarding Miranda move towards them -

BANE
Stay back. He is mine -
Bane SMASHES Batman’s head - moves in for the kill, but
Batman SMASHES Ben to the ground, RIPS sideways across the
tubes of Bane’s mask with the blades of his forearm. Bane
bellows, thrashing in AGONY. Batman holds him down with a
hand on his throat - searches him with his free hand.
BATMAN
Give me the trigger! You’d never
give it to an ordinary citizen -
Bane’s thrashing calms as he stares at batman through
pain-soaked eyes...gasping through his broken mask for
relief.

BANE
I broke you. How have you come
back?
BATMAN
You thought you were the only one
who could learn the strength to
escape?
Bane looks at Batman, curiosity behind his pain.

BANE
I never escaped - Rā’s al Ghūl
rescued me. That is why I mist
fulfill his plan. That is why I
must avenge his murder.

BATMAN
(confused)
The child of Rā’s al Ghūl made the
climb -
MIRANDA (O.S)
But he is not the child of Rā’s al
Ghūl...
Batman flinches, frozen as Miranda leans into his ear...
147.


MIRANDA
I am.
Miranda has a knife through Batman’s suit, into his ribs...
And though I am not ’ordinary’, I
am a citizen...

She pulls out the trigger...

EXT. FIFTH STREET - CONTINUOUS

Gordon spots the second black truck moving down the street.
His men pull in front, slowing it. Gordon jumps into the
back. The truck accelerates - Gordon drops, hanging on to
the bumper, struggling with the box, trying to turn it on...


INT. LOBBY, CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS
Batman cannot move to defend himself. He has Bane by the
throat, but Miranda has her knife in his side -

MIRANDA/TALIA
My mother named me Talia before she
was killed. The way I would’ve been
killed if not for my
protector...Bane.

INSERT CUT: the child, Talia, makes eye-contact with the
Protector, then leaps. Down below, Prisoners swarm over the
protector, ripping the muslin from his face. Bane looks up
at Talia, says one quiet word -
BANE
Goodbye.
Then is overrun.
TALIA
I climbed out of the pit...
INSERT CUT: Young Talia stands by the hole looking out at
the landscape...
I found my father and brought him
back to exact terrible vengeance -
but by that time...the prisoners
and the doctor had done their work
to my friend...my protector...
Talia reaches up to touch Bane’s mask.
148.

INSERT CUT: the League of Shadows descend into the prison -
at their head, Rā’s al Ghūl. They slaughter prisoners. Then
stop. Rā’s al Ghūl has found Bane, bandaged.

TALIA
The League took us in. Trained
us...


INT. TEMPLE, LEAGUE OF SHADOWS - DAY
Bane in a prototype mask, stands on logs, blocking blows
from men with sticks.
TALIA (V.O.)
But my father could not accept
Bane.
Rā’s al Ghūl watches Bane training. Turns away.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary The battle between Bane and Batman ensues in the middle of a street in downtown Gotham while Gordon and his team try to locate the bomb-carrying truck. Meanwhile, Blake leads the boys out of the St. Swithin's home for boys to safety, and Catwoman helps to clear the path to the South Street tunnel. Miranda, who is revealed to be Talia al Ghul, holds Batman at knife-point and reveals her true identity and intentions.
Strengths "Intense battle scene, high level of suspense, well-placed character reveals, emotionally impactful moment with the revelation of Talia's identity."
Weaknesses "Some plot points may be confusing without prior knowledge of the Batman universe, some dialogue may be seen as clunky or overly dramatic."
Critique Overall, this scene has a lot of action and tension, but there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from clearer visual descriptions. While the action is intense, it can be difficult to follow exactly what is happening, particularly with the quick cuts and jumps between various locations. Adding more detail to the action and surroundings could help to ground the audience and make the scene feel more real.

Additionally, some of the dialogue feels a bit clunky and exposition-heavy. For example, the conversation between Batman and Bane about their respective escapes feels forced and unnatural. Finding ways to convey the necessary information in a more natural way, perhaps through actions or subtle gestures, could make the dialogue feel more authentic.

Finally, while the backstory about Talia and Bane's relationship is interesting, it feels somewhat shoehorned in and comes at a strange moment in the scene. Finding a way to introduce this information earlier in the film, or perhaps saving it for a later reveal, could make it feel more impactful and less abrupt.

Overall, while this scene has some areas for improvement, it is still an exciting and engaging moment in the film.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more visual details and specifics to the action. Currently, the scene is focused on a lot of dialogue and exposition, but not enough details are provided to create a clear picture of what is happening. Adding more descriptive language to the fight between Batman and Bane, as well as the other battles happening in the streets, will help to make the scene more engaging for the reader and viewer. Additionally, adding more tension and suspense to the scene would help to make it more impactful. Perhaps there could be a moment where it seems like the bomb will go off despite the characters' efforts, or a surprise attack from the mercenaries. Finally, consider streamlining the dialogue and focusing on more concise, impactful lines. This will help to keep the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.



Scene 41 -  The Countdown Continues
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. LOBBY, CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS
Talia looks into Bane’s eyes as she holds the knife in
Batman’s side.
TALIA
He saw only a monster who could
never be tamed. Whose very
existence was a reminder of the
hell he’d left his wife to die in.
He excommunicated Bane from the
League of Shadows. His only crime
was that he loved me. I could not
truly forgive my father...
Talia looks at Batman, cold.
Until you murdered him.

BATMAN
He was trying to kill millions of
innocent people -
TALIA
’Innocent’ is a strong word to
throw around Gotham, Bruce. I honor
my father by finishing his work.
Vengeance against the man who
killed him is simply a reward for
my patience...

Talia twists the knife in Batman’s side.
You see, it’s the slow knife...the
knife that takes its time, the
(MORE)
149.

TALIA (cont’d)
knife that waits years without
forgetting, then slips quietly
between bones...that’s the knife -
Talia arms the trigger...
- that cuts deepest.
She hits the button - nothing.


EXT. FIFTH STREET - CONTINUOUS
A light on the metal box is blinking. Gordon hangs on -


INT. LOBBY, CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS
Talia turns, furious.
BATMAN
Your knife may have been too
slow...
A Mercenary steps forward -
MERCENARY
The truck’s under attack -
Talia looks around, mind racing.
TALIA
Gordon. (To Batman.) You gave him a
way to block my signal. No matter -
(Looks at watch.) He’s bought
Gotham eleven minutes. (Shouts at
Mercenary.) Prepare a convoy. We
must secure the bomb until it
detonates.
Talia jumps to her feet. Bane grabs a shotgun from a
Mercenary - points it at Batman.
TALIA
Not yet... I want him to heel the
heat. (To Batman.) Feel the fire of
twelve million souls you failed.
Talia reaches up to Bane’s mask, reconnects his tubes,
tenderly.
Goodbye, my friend.
Bane nods at her, slowly. Talia moves out with the
Mercenaries.
150.


EXT. CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS
Talia gets into a Tumbler with a Mercenary. Three Tumblers
pull out in convoy, blowing anything out of the way - cars,
cops.

Foley stands in the road, firing his sidearm. Talia’s
Tumbler SMASHES him out of the way.

INT. LOBBY, CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS

Bane grabs Batman, throws him into the floor - checks the
rounds in the barrels.
BANE
You’ll have to imagine the fire -

He shuts the gun - jams it into Batman’s face.
We both know I need to kill you
now.
He squeezes the trigger. BLAMMM! Bane is blasted across the
lobby by cannon fire.
Catwoman is there, on the Bat-Pod.
CATWOMAN
The whole no-guns thing? I don’t
feel as strongly about it as you
do.

EXT. GOTHAM BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS

Blake pulls up to the barricade, leads the kids off,
marching them up the bridge, Father Reilly at the rear. A
Uniform shouts through the loudhailer -
UNIFORM
Stay there! What are you doing?!
BLAKE
(pulls badge)
Blake, MCU - I’m getting these boys
to safety -

UNIFORM
Safety?! You’re gonna get us all
killed. Anyone crosses this bridge
they blow the city -
151.


BLAKE
It’s gonna blow anyway. We need
this bridge open right now.
UNIFORM
No one leaves the island. Orders -
BLAKE
Whose orders? Bane’s?
UNIFORM
Police Department’s.
BLAKE
Haven’t you heard the shooting? The
Batman’s battling it out with Bane
-

UNIFORM
The Batman’s dead. Look, Officer -
BLAKE
It’s Detective -

UNIFORM
Well, Detective, you take one more
step, we have to shoot you. Two
more steps, we have to blow the
bridge.

BLAKE
(to the boys)
Wait for me back at the bus.
The Boys walk back down the bridge...


EXT. DOWNTOWN STREETS - CONTINUOUS
Talia’s convoy surrounds the black truck. Tumblers off each
flank, protecting the bomb as it counts down...

INT. LOBBY, CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS
Batman looks at Catwoman.

BATMAN
I need you on the ground, me in the
air, we have to force that convoy
east, to the entrance to the
reactor -
152.


EXT. CITY HALL - MOMENTS LATER
Catwoman roars down the steps on the Bat-Pod.

INT. BLACK TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

Gordon climbs into the back of the truck - the bomb is
there, heating up. He looks at the countdown - nine
minutes...


EXT. GOTHAM BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS
Blake turns back to the Uniform.
BLAKE
Your orders are out of date! The
situation’s changed! Listen, I’m a
cop like you. And I’m walking out
there. Please don’t shoot me.
Blake walks. Shots ring out at his feet. He keeps walking...


EXT. GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
The Bat descends on the convoy, Catwoman approaches on the
ground. A rolling battle ensues. Catwoman targets the rear
of the Tumblers, Batman swings the Bat in low at the
junctions, trying to force the convoy east...
The Tumbler’s gun turrets swing around onto Catwoman. She
swerves to avoid heave fire.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Talia holds Batman at knife-point and reveals her true identity as Talia al Ghul. She arms the trigger, but it fails. Talia orders her men to secure the bomb until it detonates while Bane points a shotgun at Batman. Catwoman saves Batman and the two try to force the convoy towards the entrance to the reactor. Meanwhile, Gordon is in the truck with the bomb and the countdown is at nine minutes. Blake tries to get the bridge open to help with the situation.
Strengths "The tension and stakes are high as the countdown to the detonation of the bomb continues. The dialogue between Talia and Batman is powerful and revealing. The action sequences are intense and exciting."
Weaknesses "The scene is quite long and may have benefited from being broken up into smaller parts. Some of the dialogue between Blake and the uniform may be unnecessary."
Critique This scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the situation. The dialogue is strong, particularly the exchange between Talia and Batman. The use of the ticking time bomb adds an extra layer of suspense.

One potential weakness is the lack of clear geography in the action sequences - it's sometimes difficult to visualize exactly where the different vehicles and characters are in relation to one another. Some clearer description of the physical space might help to enhance the tension further.

Overall, though, this is a strong scene that effectively advances the plot and ratchets up the stakes for the characters.
Suggestions - Add more physical action and tension to the scene. Currently, it feels like there's a lot of dialogue and exposition without much action happening.

- Create a clearer sense of geography and space - it's hard to visualize what's happening in the scene when the location keeps changing between the lobby, the bridge, and the convoy.

- Focus on character motivations and emotions. Why does Talia want to finish her father's work? How does Batman feel about being blamed for Ra's al Ghul's death?

- Consider adding more visual descriptions and sensory details to help bring the scene to life for the reader. What does the lobby of City Hall look like? What are the sounds and smells of the battle scene?



Scene 42 -  The Bomb Countdown
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. GOTHAM BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS
Blake continues to walk, ignoring the warning shots.
UNIFORM
Son-of-a-bitch! (To his partner.)
Blow it! Before he reaches the line
-
His partner arms the detonator. Uniform shouts at Blake -

UNIFORM
Get down! We’re blowing the bridge!
As Blake looks, disbelieving, the bridge in front of him
blasts upwards in a massive fireball. Blake dives backwards.
153.


EXT. GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
The Bat blasts away in front of the convoy, making a huge
crater in front of a Tumbler and trapping it, rear in the
air. Catwoman dodges around it, uses the Bat-Pod cannons to
take out another Tumbler... The countdown ticks away...seven
minutes.

INT. REACTOR PLANT - CONTINUOUS

As Fox fires up the reactor something catches his eye -
something is wrong...

EXT. GOTHAM BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS

The smoke clears, Blake sees the impossible gap.
BLAKE
You idiots! You sons of bitches!
You’re killing us!!


INT. BLACK TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Gordon climbs out the back of the truck but is immediately
strafed by gunfire from the Tumblers. He dives back inside,
moves to the front of the trailer - looks at the bulkhead,
gauging the driver’s position. Starts firing blind through
the bulkhead -

INT. CAB, BLACK TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

Bullets fly through the cab. The driver takes one, falls
forward, dead. Talia takes the wheel - bullets keep coming.

EXT. GOTHAM BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS

Blake races back. Father Reilly has the boys in a huddle,
praying -
BLAKE
Father! Get the boys on the bus -

FATHER REILLY
But there’s nowhere to go, son.
154.


EXT. GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS
The Bat spins down in front of the black truck, forcing it
into a hard right turn...


INT. TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Talia watches the navigation screen.
TUMBLER DRIVER
(over radio)
They’re trying to force us onto
Grand -
TALIA
Pushing us to the entrance of the
reactor. They’re going to try and
reconnect the core.
TUMBLER DRIVER
(over radio)
Can they?

Talia smiles.

INT. REACTOR PLANT - CONTINUOUS

Fox runs to a ladder. Alarms sound. As he hits the ladder he
turns. A massive rumble builds - water SMASHES into the
reactor, flooding in from both directions.

EXT. GOTHAM STREETS - CONTINUOUS

Catwoman comes up behind the lead Tumbler. She blasts it
again and again - it flips diagonally into the path of the
black truck, causing the truck to lurch onto its side. Both
vehicles careen into the mouth of the tunnel.


INT. REACTOR PLANT - CONTINUOUS
Fox loops his arm around a rung of the ladder and braces as
a wave smashes into him, painfully...
155.


EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS
Gordon jumps out of the truck, opening the rear doors to
expose the glowing core. Catwoman pulls up on the Bat-Pod.
GORDON
Give me a hand!
The Bat lands at the tunnel mouth. Gordon moves in to try
and grab the core but it is too hot.
Let’s get a cable on it and drag it
out! Come on, we’re almost there -
Laughter. Gordon turns. Talia, lying half out the truck.
Dying.
TALIA
Fox showed me how to operate the
reactor core. Including the
emergency flood -

INT. REACTOR PLANT - CONTINUOUS

Fox pulls himself above the rising whitewater -

EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS

Gordon looks down at Talia. Batman is at his side.
TALIA
There is no way to stop this bomb.
Prepare yourselves... (Looks up at
Batman.) My father’s work is done.

Talia smiles as her eyes flutter closed. Gordon turns -
Batman is at the core, plunging his hands into the heat to
attach a hoist from the Bat.
GORDON
What’re you doing?
BATMAN
Two minutes. I can fly it out over
the bay...

Catwoman is at his side as he works.
CATWOMAN
Rig it out to fly over the water,
then bail -
156.


BATMAN
No autopilot.
She takes this in. He stands to face her.
CATWOMAN
You could’ve gone anywhere. Been
anything. But you came back here.
BATMAN
So did you.

CATWOMAN
I guess we’re both suckers.
She puts his arms around his neck. Kisses him. Batman moves
to the Bat, Gordon alongside.

GORDON
So this is the part where you
vanish, only this time you don’t
come back?

Batman opens the canopy.

EXT. GOTHAM BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS
Blake grabs at the smallest boys, shoving them onto the bus.

BLAKE
Come on! On the bus!
FATHER REILLY
What’re you doing?

BLAKE
Protection from the blast -
FATHER REILLY
It’s an atom bomb -!

Blake turns on Father Reilly, furious.
BLAKE
You think they need to hear that in
their last seconds? You think I’m
going to let them die without hope?
157.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary The Black Truck with the bomb is blocked by Batman and Catwoman, while they try to reconnect the reactor. Talia holds Batman at knife-point but is saved by Catwoman. With two minutes to go, Batman decides to fly the bomb out over the bay, embracing the fact that he may not return.
Strengths "The scene is fast-paced and action-packed, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. There is a high level of tension due to the impending doom of the bomb. The character interactions are emotional and impactful, particularly the moment between Batman and Catwoman before he flies out with the bomb."
Weaknesses "The dialogue can be a little cheesy and predictable at times, such as when Catwoman says 'I guess we're both suckers.' Some plot points seem a little contrived, like Talia suddenly revealing that she knows how to operate the reactor core."
Critique First of all, let me say that this scene is part of a larger film that I haven't read or watched, so my critique is solely focusing on this scene and not the story as a whole.

One issue with this scene is that there is a lot going on. It jumps between several different perspectives, including Blake on the bridge, Catwoman and the Bat on the streets, Fox in the reactor plant, and Gordon and Talia in the truck. It can be a little challenging to follow all of these different threads at once and feel invested in all of them. It might be helpful to consolidate some of these different perspectives or find a way to tie them together more effectively.

Another issue is that some of the dialogue feels a bit clunky and on-the-nose. For example, when Blake yells at Father Reilly, it feels like the scene is trying a little too hard to hammer home its themes of hope and desperation. Some of the other lines, like Talia's "My father's work is done," also feel a bit cliche.

That being said, there are some strong moments in this scene as well. The action is well-described and easy to visualize, and the tension and stakes are clear. The scene does a good job of building momentum towards the climax, and there are some emotional beats that hit hard, such as Talia's death and Batman and Catwoman's kiss.

Overall, this scene has its strengths and weaknesses, but I think with some tightening up and streamlining, it could be a really effective action sequence.
Suggestions First, it’s important to establish a clear goal for this scene, which appears to be the ticking clock leading up to the detonation of a bomb. However, the structure feels disjointed as it jumps between multiple locations and characters, making it difficult to follow the action.

To improve this scene, it could be useful to focus on one or two primary characters to anchor the scene. For example, following the perspective of Blake, the police officer, as he tries to save the boys on the bus would create a more emotional and suspenseful storyline. Alternatively, the scene could focus on Batman and his team as they work to disarm the bomb and face off against the villains.

Additionally, the dialogue could benefit from more specific language to establish context and stakes. Instead of simply shouting “Blow it before he reaches the line,” the officer could say “We can’t let him cross that line, or the entire city will be destroyed.” Adding more details will also make the dialogue more memorable and effective.

Finally, providing more visual cues and setting descriptions can help orient the audience within the scene. For example, showing a clear shot of the bridge and the bus to emphasize the urgent danger would make it easier for the audience to understand the stakes and root for the characters.



Scene 43 -  The Sacrifice
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. TUNNEL ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS
Gordon puts a hand on Batman’s arm.
GORDON
I never cared who you were -

BATMAN
And you were right.
GORDON
But shouldn’t the people know the
hero who saved them?
BATMAN
A hero can be anyone. That was
always the point.

Batman sits into the cockpit, then looks again at Gordon.
Anyone. A man doing something as
simple and reassuring as putting a
coat around a little boy’s
shoulders to let him know that the
world hadn’t ended...
The canopy loses - and as the Bat fires up Gordon remembers
-
INSERT CUT: Gordon, in his uniform, wraps the overcoat
around the Young Bruce’s shoulders, his eyes reassuring,
loving.
Gordon looks up to the cockpit -
GORDON
Bruce Wayne?
- but is dusted by downdraft as the Bat RISES. Gordon LEAPS
out of the way as the core is dragged along and out of the
tunnel mouth.

The Bat struggles with the weight of the smoking core... A
building is in the way - Batman fights the controls but
there’s no power to get over it.


EXT. GOTHAM BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS
Blake shouts into the bus -
BLAKE
Heads down! Heads down, now!
158.


FATHER REILLY
Blake, they need to make their
peace.
Blake turns to him, furious.

BLAKE
They’re children! They have no
peace to make -
An EXPLOSION from downtown Gotham. Blake looks across,
startled, turns to the children on the bus.
Get down! This is it!
The smallest of the boys stares through the window past
Blake.

LITTLE BOY
No. That’s Batman!
Blake turns to see the Bat thundering out of the heart of
Gotham, trailing smoke, the core hanging from it. It curves
dangerously close to the bridge before heading for the mouth
of the river...the bay...the ocean...
Until a point of light fires into an enormous nuclear BLAST
- wind and light and dust blowing VIOLENTLY but harmlessly
over the bridge, the tunnel mouth, all of Gotham...

As the nuclear dawn fades over Gotham, and we see its
inhabitants start to raise their heads, and helicopters and
boats converge on the island, we hear a voice. Jim Gordon.
GORDON (V.O.)
’I see a beautiful city and a
brilliant people rising from this
abyss...’
Blake pulls out his badge. Throws it into the river.

GORDON (V.O.)
’I see the lives for which I lay
down my life, peaceful, useful,
prosperous and happy...’


EXT. GARDENS, WAYNE MANOR - DAY
Gordon is reading from A Tale of Two Cities. Opposite is
Fox, arm in a sling, and Blake, grim. Another figure is
there, whose face we do not yet see...
159.


GORDON
’I see that I hold a sanctuary in
their hearts, and in the hearts of
their descendants, generations
hence. It is a far, far better
thing that I do, than I have ever
done...’
Gordon closes the book, looking down at Bruce Wayne’s grave.
’It is a far, far better rest that
I go to than I have ever known.’

Gordon looks up at the figure standing across from him...
Alfred. Tears streaming.
Fox places a gentle hand on Alfred’s shoulder, then leaves.
Gordon and Blake follow. Alfred, alone with the Wayne
family, turns to the grave beside Bruce’s - the grave of
Thomas and Martha Wayne.
ALFRED
I’m so sorry. I failed you. You
trusted me, and I failed you.
And the old man’s shoulders begin to shake with sobs.

EXT. FRONT ENTRANCE, WAYNE MANOR - CONTINUOUS

Gordon nods at Lucius. Blake is at Gordon’s side.
GORDON
Can I change your mind about
quitting the force?

BLAKE
No. What you said about structures.
About shackles. I can’t take it.
The injustice. (Gestures at
gardens.) I mean...no one’s ever
going to know who saved an entire
city.
GORDON
They know. (Off look.) It was
Batman.
160.


EXT. PLAZA, DOWNTOWN GOTHAM - DAY
Gordon, on a platform with dignitaries, watches a statue
being unveiled. The curtain parts: Batman, immortalized in
granite. We move in on the stone face...

VOICE (V.O.)
Mr. Wayne’s will was not amended to
reflect his more modest estate...


INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE - DAY
The voice belongs to Wayne’s lawyer, addressing a small
group.
LAWYER
Nonetheless, there are considerable
assets to dispose of... The
contents of the house are to be
sold -
He glances up to see someone slip into the room - Blake.


EXT. WAYNE MANOR - DAY
Movers carefully bring artworks and furniture out of the
house, watched by a solitary figure. Alfred.

LAWYER (V.O.)
- to settle the estate’s accounts.
The remainder is left in its
entirety to Alfred J. Pennyworth...


INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE - DAY
Blake shifts. Out of place. The Lawyer continues.
LAWYER
The house and grounds are left to
the city of Gotham, on condition
that they never be demolished,
altered, or otherwise interfered
with -
161.


EXT. WAYNE MANOR - DAY
Different movers carry bunk beds into the huge house.
LAWYER (V.O.)
And that they shall be used for one
purpose, and one purpose only...
A schoolbus pulls up. Father Reilly shepherds children
towards the house. The children look up at the house,
wide-eyed.
The housing and care of the city’s
at-risk and orphaned children.
A sign reads:
THE MARTHA AND THOMAS WAYNE HOME FOR CHILDREN
Genres: ["Action","Adventure"]

Summary Batman takes the nuclear bomb out to sea and sacrifices himself to save Gotham. Gordon and Blake mourn the loss of their hero while Alfred struggles with guilt. Wayne Manor is turned into a home for at-risk and orphaned children.
Strengths "The sacrifice of Batman is a powerful and emotional moment that highlights the theme of heroism and selflessness. The ending wraps up the themes and character arcs nicely, with a fitting tribute to Bruce Wayne and the future of Gotham."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue can feel a bit on the nose, particularly during the unveiling of the Batman statue. The pacing can also feel uneven at times, with some scenes dragging on while others feel rushed."
Critique The scene has strong emotional resonance and ties together several narrative threads. The dialogue is effective and well-written, especially Gordon's closing monologue, which references a famous literary work and provides thematic closure for the film.

However, the scene could benefit from more concise visuals and action description. Some details, such as Blake's throwing of his badge into the river, could be telegraphed more effectively to the audience. Additionally, the movement and action of the Bat struggling with the weight of the smoking core could be more fully realized.

Overall, the scene is a powerful conclusion to the film, but could be improved with more streamlined visual storytelling.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the action: A lot is happening in this scene, and it can be difficult to follow. Consider breaking down the action into smaller, more manageable chunks.

2. Show, don't tell: The dialogue in this scene is heavy on exposition and telling rather than showing. Consider finding ways to visually demonstrate these key points, rather than relying on dialogue to convey information.

3. Add more emotion: This scene deals with some heavy themes, including loss, sacrifice, and redemption. Consider finding ways to make the emotions of the characters more palpable and impactful.

4. Cut unnecessary elements: While it's important to tie up loose ends in a story, some of the details in this scene could be streamlined or cut altogether to make the pacing more efficient. Consider asking yourself what is truly essential to the story and focusing on those elements.

5. Consider the ending: The final shot of the scene, showing the children at the Martha and Thomas Wayne Home, feels disconnected from the rest of the action. Consider finding ways to tie this final shot back to the overarching themes of the story and make it feel more satisfying as a conclusion.



Scene 44 -  The Final Pieces Fall into Place
  • Overall: 9.2
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE - DAY
People file out as the Lawyer stands.

LAWYER
My clerk will help anyone with the
smaller correspondences and
instructions...
Blake approaches the Clerk. She smiles.

BLAKE
Blake, John.
CLERK
(checks list)
Nothing here.
Blake realizes, offers her his driving license.
BLAKE
Try my legal name.

The Clerk glances at the license. Checks.
CLERK
Yup, here it is.

She reaches down behind the desk, sorting through various
items, and hands him a sports bag. Blake takes it, curious.
CLERK
You should use your full name. I
like that name... Robin.
162.

Blake smiles, embarrassed. Leaves.
LAWYER
Any word in the missing item?
CLERK
No, not yet.
LAWYER
Well, they’d better leave no stone
unturned... We can’t just put a
string of pearls on the manifest as
’lost’.


INT. APPLIED SCIENCES - DAY
Fox stands in front of the second camouflage rotor. Two
Techs are examining the controls in the cockpit.
TECH 1
Why worry about the stabilization
software? This whole autopilot
system’s obsolete -
FOX
Please, I just need to know what I
could’ve done to fix it.
TECH 2
But Mr. Fox, it’s already been
fixed. (Typed on panel.) Software
patch...six months ago.
FOX
(confused)
Check the user ident on the
patch...

Tech 2 types some more keys. Looks surprised.
TECH 2
Huh. Bruce Wayne.

Fox turns away from the rotor, an idea starting to form...

EXT. WOODS - DAY
Blake sits in his car looking at a GPS device, puzzled.
Beside him, the sports bag, open. In it is a piece of paper
with coordinates, on top of some climbing rope and shackles.
Blake gets out of the car with the bag. Follows the GPS into
the trees.
163.


EXT. CAFÉ, FLORENCE - DAY
Alfred, paper under his arm, heads to his usual table. Sits.
WAITER
Lei e solo?

ALFRED
Si, Fernet Branca, per cortesia.


EXT. WOODS - DAY
Blake finds a large waterfall... He checks his GPS,
confused. Stares at the waterfall. Reaches for the climbing
gear...


EXT. MCU - NIGHT
Gordon steps onto the roof with his pile of arrest
reports...


EXT. CAFÉ, FLORENCE - DAY
As Alfred sips his drink, he glances up at a couple at the
next table. Strangers. Alfred looks back down...


INT. CAVE - DAY
Moving in on the waterfall from inside... Blake bursts
through, landing painfully on the shale inside. he gets to
his feet, moving cautiously into the cave...


EXT. MCU - NIGHT
Gordon bangs his files against the air duct, straightening
them. He stops. Sees something. The searchlight...fixed.
Gordon runs his fingers across a brand new, steel Bat
symbol... He looks up into the night...

INT. CAVE - DAY

Blake lights his torch...then ducks, crouching, as THOUSANDS
of SCREECHING creatures descend. BATS...
164.


EXT. CAFÉ, FLORENCE - DAY
Alfred folds his paper. Pulls out his money, then stops,
seeing...across the tables, a familiar couple... Bruce
smiles at Alfred, who nods. Bruce turns back to the pretty
brunette in pearls. Selina. Alfred pays his bill, content.


INT. CAVE - DAY
Blake lifts his head, FEELING the bats all around him...
Blake RISES, and is SWALLOWED by the darkness of their wings
and we -
FADE OUT.
CREDITS.

END.
Genres: ["Crime","Action","Drama"]

Summary The scene shows the final moments of different characters as their stories come together. Blake follows coordinates to a cave and encounters a swarm of bats, while Gordon discovers a new Bat symbol on the MCU rooftop. Alfred enjoys a peaceful moment in a café in Florence and sees Bruce Wayne with Selina Kyle. Fox realizes that Bruce Wayne fixed the autopilot software, and finally, the lawyer hands Robin a sports bag.
Strengths "The scene brings various character arcs together in a satisfying way, building up towards the climactic finale. The visuals of Blake in the cave surrounded by bats is striking and memorable."
Weaknesses "The scene feels rushed and doesn't allow for much character development or emotional payoff. It mostly serves to tie up loose ends and set up the climax."
Critique Overall, the scene does a good job of advancing several different plot threads and keeping the action moving. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

- The dialogue between the Lawyer and the Clerk feels a bit stilted and unnatural. It's not clear why he makes the comment about the clerk helping with smaller correspondences, as it doesn't seem relevant to the scene. Additionally, the Clerk's line about liking Blake's legal name feels forced and doesn't add much to the scene or character development.

- The scene with Fox and the Techs is a bit confusing, as it's not clear what they're talking about at first. It might be helpful to add some more context or explanation to make it clearer.

- The scene with Alfred at the café feels a bit disconnected from the rest of the action. While it's nice to see him enjoying a drink, it doesn't really move the story forward or reveal anything new about the characters.

- The description of Blake in the cave with the bats is a bit repetitive. The use of all-caps for "THOUSANDS" and "SCREECHING" is unnecessary and distracting, and the description of him rising and being swallowed by darkness feels like it could be condensed or rephrased to be more effective.

Overall, the scene has some strong moments but could benefit from some tightening up of dialogue and description.
Suggestions -First of all, it is recommended to make the transition between scenes smoother. It might help to have a sentence or two that ties the two scenes together.
-In the scene with the Lawyer's office, it might be helpful to add a bit more context as to why Blake is there and what he's retrieving from the Clerk. This could add some depth to his character or the plot.
-In the scene with Fox at Applied Sciences, there isn't a clear motivation for him to be there. Adding in a reason why he's checking the rotor could help make the scene more important to the plot.
-It might be helpful to add some more description and detail to the scene with Blake in the woods. This could make it more suspenseful and exciting, as well as give the audience a better visual of what's happening.
-In the scene with Gordon on the MCU rooftop, it might be helpful to clarify why he's there. Is he searching for something? Is he surveilling the area?
-The scene with Bruce and Selina in the café could benefit from more dialogue and interaction between them. It might also be helpful to add in some more context about their relationship and how it ties into the overall plot.
-In the final scene in the cave, it might be helpful to add in more description about the bats and their behavior to create a more vivid and visceral experience for the audience.