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Scene 1 -  The Spectacle Begins
4 INT. CIRCUS TENT - NIGHT 4

Absolute darkness. Then, a single narrow spotlight goes on,
revealing a RINGMASTER, with top hat, his back to us, alone.

With his head bowed, the top hat casts his face in shadow.
As the MUSIC picks up, he sings in a hushed, dramatic voice:

RINGMASTER
[BARNUM SINGS]
[BARNUM SINGS]

QUICK CUTS -- CLOSE UPS of the RINGMASTER, seen from behind,
in fast-passing shots. The iconic top hat; the cane; red
swallowtail coat; shiny black boots; sawdust...

RINGMASTER (CONT’D)
[BARNUM SINGS]
[BARNUM SINGS]

The Ringmaster (from behind) looks upward. Another spotlight
goes on. Way up high in the darkness, a beautiful African-
American aerialist, ANNE WHEELER, is spinning on a rope.

RINGMASTER (CONT’D)
[BARNUM SINGS]
[BARNUM SINGS]

The Ringmaster looks the other way -- a new spotlight hits a
beautiful TIGHTROPE WALKER, way up high, seemingly walking on
air through the vast darkness.

RINGMASTER (CONT’D)
[BARNUM SINGS]

A cannon FIRES -- sending a HUMAN CANNONBALL flying through
the darkness, spotlight following, til he lands in a netting.

RINGMASTER (CONT’D)
[BARNUM SINGS]

The Ringmaster turns, into the light.

It is P.T. BARNUM. Handsome. Confident. Exuberant. At the
height of his powers. A showman’s smile; a scoundrel’s wink.

BARNUM
[BARNUM SINGS]
[BARNUM SINGS] *


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 2.
4 CONTINUED: 4

He turns left -- roving SPOTLIGHTS find glimpses of DAREDEVIL *
horse riders circling a circus ring, doing amazing stunts.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
[BARNUM SINGS]

He turns right -- SPOTLIGHTS catch ACROBATS in a circus ring
doing an insane teeter-board act. Bodies fly through the air.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
[BARNUM SINGS] *

As the SONG ESCALATES, two FIRE BREATHERS step up and...

...BLOW huge COLUMNS OF FIRE in the air over Barnum’s head.

Suddenly, all the FOOTLIGHTS go on, revealing a full-throttle
3-ring Circus in full motion all around Barnum -- elephants
doing handstands; lion tamers cracking whips; jugglers
tossing rings across the room; horses dancing on two hooves.

Barnum strides thru it all -- grinning; happy -- and singing
his heart out -- welcoming us to his world: The Big Top.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
[BARNUM SINGS]
[BARNUM SINGS]

His SONG is joined by group of ODDITIES, whom we will get to
know in due time, both in their strangeness and high-spirited
humanity. The gentle O’CLANCY THE IRISH GIANT, the tallest
man in the world. LETTIE THE BEARDED LADY; CHANG AND ENG,
the legendary Siamese twins...

One by one, they join in, walking with Barnum.

ODDITIES
[ODDITIES SING]
[ODDITIES SING] *

We become aware of a CROWD outside the three rings.

BARNUM *
Ladies and gentlemen! Cads and crooks! *
Children of all ages! Welcome to another *
world! Where beauty walks with danger! *
Where the impossible is commonplace! And *
where nothing is quite what you expect... *

Barnum concludes by throwing his head back, arms wide...

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Welcome... To the Greatest Show on Earth!


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 3.
4 CONTINUED: (2) 4

The crowd, in the dim light outside the rings, goes wild.

Now ALL the PERFORMERS join in, singing.

PERFORMERS
[PERFORMERS SING]
[PERFORMERS SING]
[PERFORMERS SING]
[PERFORMERS SING]

As the Performers sing, Barnum takes in CHILDREN’S FACES in
the crowd, their awe; their wonder; their delight.

Then Barnum turns to watch the show with them. SOUND FADES *
as Barnum, in a brief moment, sings to himself about the long *
road it took to get here. In counterpoint to the Performers
exuberant singing, Barnum’s words are reflective and wistful.

BARNUM
[BARNUM SINGS TO HIMSELF]
[BARNUM SINGS TO HIMSELF] *

BARNUM is yanked out of his reverie by the Performers.
Jolted back to reality, he joins their spirited song again.

BARNUM/ALL
[BARNUM AND ALL SING]
[BARNUM AND ALL SING] *
[BARNUM AND ALL SING] *
[BARNUM AND ALL SING] *

As the SONG reaches a climax, abruptly ALL THE LIGHTS go out,
leaving Barnum again alone in the SPOTLIGHT. *

BARNUM *
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we offer *
you a story. A parable, if you will. *
Of a man caught between the real world *
and the world of his dreams. A world *
where anything is possible, if you only *
believe... *

As the CAMERA circles him, Barnum sings the last few lines. *

BARNUM (CONT’D)
[BARNUM SINGS]
[BARNUM SINGS] *

As the song ends, we PUSH IN to a close-up of BARNUM, *
silhouetted against the blinding lights and MATCH CUT TO:
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 4.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In a dark circus tent, the charismatic Ringmaster P.T. Barnum captivates the audience with a dramatic song, introducing a dazzling array of performers, including an aerialist, a tightrope walker, and unique acts like the Irish Giant and the Bearded Lady. The atmosphere is filled with exuberance as the performers join in, celebrating the magic of the circus. Barnum reflects on his journey and invites the audience to embrace the extraordinary world of dreams and belief, culminating in a powerful monologue about the balance between reality and aspiration.
Strengths
  • Visually stunning imagery
  • Engaging musical performances
  • Effective introduction of characters and themes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, visually striking, and sets the tone for the rest of the film with its dynamic presentation of the circus world.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the magic and wonder of the circus through a show-stopping musical performance is executed brilliantly, drawing the audience into the fantastical world of P.T. Barnum.

Plot: 8

While the scene doesn't advance the plot significantly, it effectively establishes the setting, characters, and themes of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and unique approach to the portrayal of a circus performance, with vibrant imagery, dynamic characters, and a theme of pursuing dreams. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are introduced in a visually striking and memorable way, each with their own unique traits and contributions to the circus world.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no major character changes in this scene, the introduction of the characters sets the stage for potential growth and development later in the story.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to showcase his confidence, exuberance, and showmanship as he presents the circus acts to the audience. This reflects his desire for success, recognition, and validation of his talents.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to captivate and entertain the audience with a spectacular show. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining the success and reputation of the circus.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the celebration and introduction of the circus world.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as the protagonist faces the challenge of maintaining the success and magic of the circus performance.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the spectacle and wonder of the circus rather than intense conflict or high drama.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets the stage for the story to unfold by introducing key characters, themes, and the vibrant world of the circus.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the circus performance, the introduction of diverse characters, and the theme of pursuing dreams against all odds.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between reality and dreams, as the protagonist presents a world where anything is possible if you believe. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the power of imagination and the pursuit of dreams.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from awe and excitement to nostalgia and reflection, creating a strong connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, with the characters' singing conveying emotions, themes, and the sense of wonder associated with the circus.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the world of the circus, captivates with vivid imagery and dynamic action, and builds anticipation for the rest of the narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, escalating the spectacle of the circus performance, and creating moments of reflection and introspection for the protagonist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the circus performance, with clear descriptions of the setting, characters, and actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a grand entrance or performance scene in a screenplay, with a buildup of tension, a climax of spectacle, and a resolution that leaves the audience wanting more.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tone and atmosphere of the circus, using vivid imagery and dynamic action to draw the audience in. However, the reliance on quick cuts may detract from the emotional connection with Barnum and the performers. Slowing down some of the transitions could allow for a deeper engagement with the characters and their stories.
  • The use of song is a strong choice, as it conveys Barnum's exuberance and the excitement of the circus. However, the lyrics are not provided in the script, which makes it difficult to assess their impact. Ensuring that the lyrics are compelling and resonate with the themes of ambition and acceptance would enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • The introduction of the oddities is a powerful moment, but it could benefit from more individual characterization. Brief glimpses into their personalities or backstories during their introduction could create a stronger connection between the audience and the performers, making their presence more impactful.
  • Barnum's reflective moment towards the end of the scene is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition into this introspective moment could enhance the emotional depth, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his journey and aspirations more profoundly.
  • The dialogue, while engaging, could be more concise in places. Some lines feel a bit verbose and could be trimmed to maintain the scene's pacing and energy. This would help keep the audience's attention focused on the spectacle and Barnum's charisma.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a few lines of dialogue or internal monologue that reveal Barnum's motivations and dreams more explicitly, enhancing the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements that highlight the unique traits of the oddities as they are introduced, perhaps through brief interactions or expressions that showcase their individuality.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the quick cuts; allowing for longer shots of key performers could create a more immersive experience and give the audience time to appreciate the spectacle.
  • Ensure that the lyrics of Barnum's song are included in the script, as they are crucial for understanding the emotional stakes and thematic resonance of the scene.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional hook that leaves the audience wanting to know more about Barnum's journey, perhaps by emphasizing the contrast between his dreams and the challenges he faces.



Scene 2 -  A Leap of Innocence
5 EXT. WATERFRONT ESTATE - DAY 5

SILENCE. A close-up of YOUNG BARNUM (10) silhouetted against *
the sun. Someone else is with him, but hard to see. We
don’t know where we are. Young Barnum speaks gently.

YOUNG BARNUM
All you have to do is jump.

YOUNG CHARITY (O.C.)
I’m scared.

YOUNG BARNUM
That’s what makes it fun! *

WIDER -- Young Barnum and Young Charity (also 10), stand on
the limb of a giant old tree that reaches out over the water.
She wears a white party dress. He is in scuffed work clothes.
It’s a 20 foot drop to the water -- no small feat.

YOUNG CHARITY *
I shouldn’t be doing this. *

YOUNG BARNUM *
That also makes it fun! *

YOUNG CHARITY *
You always make me do crazy things! *

YOUNG BARNUM *
It’s like you’re flying! For one second, *
you feel free! *

She looks down a moment, then pulls back. *

YOUNG CHARITY
I can’t do it.

YOUNG BARNUM
Of course you can! You just have to take
that first step...

She half-smiles, still scared. Nods bravely -- let’s do it!

YOUNG BARNUM (CONT’D)
Ready? One, two, three...!

They jump. And fall, side-by-side... SPLASH! They surface.
She is laughing, delighted. She just became a braver person.

YOUNG CHARITY
Let’s do that again! And again, and
again, and again!


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 5.
5 CONTINUED: 5

He grins -- dazzled by her delight. They swim to the shore
and climb steps up onto a lawn -- laughing, high-spirited.

YOUNG BARNUM
I saw a sea nymph underwater! *

YOUNG CHARITY
You did not!

YOUNG BARNUM
She was wearing a white dress!

She laughs. He drinks in her laughter. Behind them, we SEE
grounds of a massive, old-money Connecticut estate.

MR. HALLETT (O.C.)
Charity!

They turn. MR. HALLETT, patrician and stern, steps forward,
glaring balefully. Behind him, a grounds-keeper with a rake,
PHILO BARNUM (40s), in work clothes, looks on worriedly.
Charity quickly bows her head -- becoming docile, obedient.

MR. HALLETT (CONT’D)
Is this how we have taught you to behave?
Like a person of no breeding? Come here! *
Look at your dress! How many times have *
I told you not to trouble the help! *

She walks to her father, not looking at Young Barnum.

PHILO
It’s the boy’s fault, sir. I’m sorry. *
He’s a bit touched in the head, you know. *
Come on, son. There’s work to do.

MR. HALLETT
You’ve done quite enough today, Mr.
Barnum. There’s that for your troubles.

He hands over a nickel. Philo bows obsequiously.

PHILO
Thank you, sir. Apologies again. *

Mr. Hallet turns, walks back to his estate. Charity follows
dutifully. Barnum watches. Then she turns, and, behind her
father’s back, smiles at him. Young Barnum is thunderstruck.
This smile, a beacon of joy, will become his North Star.
Philo -- seeing his son’s love-struck gaze -- swats his head. *

PHILO (CONT’D)
Are you crazy? Let’s get home. *
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 6.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a picturesque waterfront setting, young Barnum encourages his friend Charity to jump into the water with him, overcoming her initial fear. Their joyful moment is cut short by Charity's stern father, Mr. Hallett, who reprimands them for their playful behavior. Despite her father's authority, Charity casts a secret smile back at Barnum as she obediently follows him, leaving Barnum in awe of her courage and charm.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable social class conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the characters, setting, and conflict while evoking a sense of nostalgia and innocence.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of childhood friendship and bravery in the face of societal expectations is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces the central conflict of social class differences and sets up the characters' motivations effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the coming-of-age theme, blending elements of adventure, rebellion, and societal expectations in a unique setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Young Barnum, Young Charity, and Mr. Hallett are well-defined and their interactions drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Young Charity shows growth in bravery and defiance, while Young Barnum's admiration for her deepens.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to help Young Charity overcome her fear and experience the thrill of jumping into the water. This reflects Barnum's desire to break free from societal constraints and find joy in the simple pleasures of life.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to have fun and enjoy the moment with Young Charity, despite the disapproval of Mr. Hallett. This reflects the immediate challenge of defying authority and embracing spontaneity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between social classes and the disapproval of Mr. Hallett adds tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mr. Hallett representing a formidable obstacle to Barnum and Charity's freedom. The power dynamics and conflict add depth and tension to the scene, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are primarily emotional and relational, setting the stage for future conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up important character dynamics and conflicts that will drive the story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and the shifting power dynamics between the protagonists and Mr. Hallett. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between the rigid societal expectations represented by Mr. Hallett and the carefree, adventurous spirit embodied by Young Barnum and Young Charity. This challenges Barnum's beliefs about conformity and freedom.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene elicits a strong emotional response through the characters' interactions and the sense of childhood innocence.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' personalities and the tension between them.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of emotional depth, playful banter, and thematic richness. The characters' interactions and the setting create a sense of wonder and excitement, drawing the audience into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, emotional depth, and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The visual elements are well-crafted, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness, building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the playful and adventurous spirit of young Barnum and Charity, showcasing their bond and the theme of overcoming fear. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance the emotional stakes. The repetition of 'that makes it fun' feels somewhat redundant and could be replaced with more varied expressions of excitement or encouragement.
  • The introduction of Mr. Hallett serves as a strong contrast to the carefree nature of the children, but his dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of simply reprimanding Charity, consider adding a line that reveals his deeper motivations or fears about her behavior, which would add complexity to his character.
  • The visual imagery of the tree limb and the water is compelling, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the water, the rustling leaves, or the warmth of the sun could immerse the audience further into the moment.
  • The transition from the playful jump to the stern reprimand is effective, but the emotional impact could be heightened by lingering on Young Barnum's reaction to Mr. Hallett's arrival. This would emphasize the abrupt shift from joy to fear and highlight the societal constraints they face.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual of Young Barnum's love-struck gaze, but it could be enhanced by incorporating a brief moment of internal reflection. A line of Young Barnum's thoughts could provide insight into his feelings for Charity and foreshadow their future relationship.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more varied expressions of encouragement and excitement, avoiding repetitive phrases.
  • Add depth to Mr. Hallett's character by including a line that reveals his motivations or fears regarding Charity's behavior.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as sounds and feelings associated with the setting.
  • Extend the moment after Mr. Hallett's arrival to capture Young Barnum's emotional response, emphasizing the contrast between joy and fear.
  • Include a brief internal reflection from Young Barnum at the end of the scene to provide insight into his feelings for Charity and foreshadow their future connection.



Scene 3 -  Dreams and Realities
6 INT. BARNUM HOUSE - KITCHEN - BETHEL - DAY 6

Nothing quaint here, the austere room reflects a hardscrabble
Yankee life. The family sits at the table as Barnum’s four
younger SIBLINGS (ages 3 to 7) are served thin soup by their
mother IRENE. Barnum is telling them stories, and they are
giggling and enthralled. Philo listens in impatient silence.

YOUNG BARNUM
...And when I get to India, I shall ride
an elephant! And capture a tiger!

IRENE
And what will you do with a tiger?

YOUNG BARNUM
I’ll give my tiger as a gift to the Raj. *
And everyone will want to come see it! *
And the Raj will become my best friend,
and he will offer me half his kingdom...

PHILO BARNUM
Phineas.

YOUNG BARNUM
...And I shall say, “No, thank you, sir!”

Philo SLAMS his hand on the table. Everyone jumps. Silence.

PHILO BARNUM
As of Monday, you’ll join me on the farm.

IRENE
What about his schooling?

PHILO BARNUM
A waste of time. His place is in the
fields.

YOUNG BARNUM
But father...!

Philo silences him with a sharp look. It hurts to say:

PHILO BARNUM
You can dream all you want, son. It
won’t put food on the table.

Barnum stares. He gets up, leaves the table, and exits.

7 OMITTED 7
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 7.


8 EXT. BEACH - SUNSET 8

Young Barnum sits on a beach -- his father’s words echoing in
his head. He looks up to see young Charity approaching.

YOUNG BARNUM
How did you get out?

YOUNG CHARITY
I climbed out the window once father got
into his Port.

She sits down next to him. She is downcast as well. *

YOUNG BARNUM
Were you scolded?

YOUNG CHARITY
Were you?

They share a look -- they both were. They turn to the sunset,
sad and pensive. Then Barnum picks up a piece of driftwood.

YOUNG BARNUM
Do you know what this is?

She can’t help but smile, knowing that a story is coming.

YOUNG BARNUM (CONT’D)
Look carefully. You see? *
(he turns it in his hand)
It’s the fossil of a Mermaid from *
Atlantis.

She looks. Amazingly, the driftwood has a mermaid-like shape.

YOUNG BARNUM (CONT’D)
It’s a priceless treasure. *

He gives it to her. She smiles, but is suddenly teary-eyed.

YOUNG CHARITY
I’m going to miss you.

He turns to her -- what does that mean? She turns to him.

YOUNG CHARITY (CONT’D)
Father is sending me to finishing school. *

YOUNG BARNUM
When will I see you again?

She shakes her head -- never. He is caught off guard.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 8.
8 CONTINUED: 8

YOUNG CHARITY
I don’t know what my future will be. *
Father says I am to be a lady, but... *
It’s all so dull when you’re not there.

He looks at her. He has one chance to not lose her forever.

YOUNG BARNUM
I can see my future. And yours too. *

YOUNG CHARITY
No, you can’t.

YOUNG BARNUM
I can. I’ll show you...

MUSIC starts under, a simple piano theme, both sweet and sad.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the austere kitchen of the Barnum house, young Barnum captivates his siblings with tales of adventure, but his father's insistence on practicality leads to a confrontation that drives him away from the table. Later, on the beach, he meets young Charity, who shares her own worries about being sent to finishing school. They connect over their mutual uncertainty about the future, highlighting the tension between childhood dreams and harsh realities.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Poignant dialogue
  • Establishing key relationships and themes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the emotional depth of the characters and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions. The dialogue is engaging and the setting adds to the overall tone of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of young love and dreams conflicting with societal expectations is well-executed. The scene sets up a strong foundation for character development and future plot points.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by introducing the budding relationship between Young Barnum and Young Charity, as well as the conflicting desires of the characters. The scene sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar theme of dreams versus reality but presents it in a historical setting with well-developed characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Young Barnum and Young Charity are well-developed, with clear motivations and desires. Their interactions reveal depth and complexity, setting the stage for character growth and conflict.

Character Changes: 7

Both Young Barnum and Young Charity experience subtle changes in their perspectives and desires throughout the scene. Their interactions hint at potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 9

Philo Barnum's internal goal is to assert his authority and make his son, Barnum, understand the importance of practicality and hard work over dreams and fantasies. This reflects Philo's fear of his son not being able to provide for himself and the family in the future.

External Goal: 8

Philo Barnum's external goal is to ensure that his son, Barnum, joins him on the farm to work instead of pursuing dreams and fantasies. This reflects the immediate challenge of providing for the family and maintaining the farm's productivity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, revolving around the characters' desires and societal expectations. It sets up potential external conflicts for future development.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and beliefs between characters creating a compelling dynamic that keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional stakes for the characters are significant. The potential outcomes of their choices and desires set up future conflicts and resolutions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, conflicts, and themes. It sets up future plot points and character arcs, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected confrontation between father and son, leading to a dramatic shift in their relationship dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between dreams and practicality, imagination and reality. Barnum represents dreams and creativity, while Philo represents practicality and hard work. This challenges Barnum's beliefs in pursuing his dreams and Philo's values of responsibility and providing for the family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, longing, and hope. The characters' struggles and desires resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It sets the tone for the scene and establishes the relationship dynamics between Young Barnum and Young Charity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and conflict between characters, drawing the audience into the family dynamics and the protagonist's internal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, contributing to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' conflicts and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre and enhancing the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict between characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Young Barnum's imaginative spirit and the harsh realities imposed by his father, Philo. This dynamic is crucial for understanding Barnum's character and motivations later in life. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; while it conveys the conflict, it lacks a certain emotional punch that could deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • The use of the driftwood as a metaphor for Barnum's dreams is a nice touch, but it could be expanded upon. The idea of the driftwood being a 'priceless treasure' could be visually represented more vividly, perhaps by showing Young Barnum's excitement or reverence for it, which would enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially in the transition from the kitchen to the beach. The emotional shift from the confrontation with Philo to the tender moment with Charity could benefit from a more gradual build-up, allowing the audience to fully absorb Barnum's feelings of loss and longing.
  • Young Charity's character is introduced as somewhat passive, primarily reacting to Young Barnum's actions. To create a more balanced dynamic, consider giving her a stronger voice or agency in the conversation, which would enrich their relationship and make her departure more impactful.
  • The dialogue between Young Barnum and Young Charity is sweet but could be more layered. Adding subtext or hints of their deeper feelings for each other would enhance the emotional stakes of their interaction, making the audience more invested in their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Young Barnum physically interacts with the driftwood, perhaps polishing it or holding it close, to emphasize its significance as a symbol of his dreams.
  • Expand the dialogue to include more playful banter between Young Barnum and Young Charity, showcasing their chemistry and making their connection feel more genuine and heartfelt.
  • Introduce a brief moment of silence or reflection after Philo's confrontation, allowing Young Barnum to process his father's words before transitioning to the beach scene. This would heighten the emotional impact of his departure.
  • Give Young Charity a moment to express her own dreams or desires, even if they are in conflict with her father's expectations. This would create a more dynamic interaction and deepen her character.
  • Incorporate visual elements that reflect the emotional tone of the scene, such as the changing colors of the sunset or the sound of waves, to enhance the atmosphere and underscore the bittersweet nature of their farewell.



Scene 4 -  Dreams in the Shadows
9 EXT. MANSION - NIGHT 9

Barnum leads Charity up the front walk of a huge neoclassical *
mansion that has fallen into disrepair.

YOUNG BARNUM
It’s okay. No one lives here anymore.

10 INT. MANSION - NIGHT 10

It’s dark, lit only by the moon. Barnum leads Charity
through the rooms. As he sings about a world he envisions,
we see trophy animals, oriental antiques, and curiosities.

YOUNG BARNUM
I CLOSE MY EYES
AND I CAN SEE
A WORLD THAT’S WAITING UP FOR ME THAT
I’LL CALL MY OWN

Barnum lights a match, suddenly illuminating a stone LION.
Charity gasps, then smiles at him with relief. Barnum smiles
back -- with the joy of showing someone the unexpected.

He lights a CANDLE. The SHADOW of the lion comes to life,
roaring. Around the room, SHADOWS flicker with GLIMPSES of
tumblers, acrobats, trapeze artists, elephants, and clowns.

YOUNG BARNUM (CONT’D)
THROUGH THE DARK
THROUGH THE DOOR
THROUGH WHERE NO ONE’S BEEN BEFORE BUT IT
FEELS LIKE HOME

And then, as if Barnum has willed it to happen --


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 9.
10 CONTINUED: 10

THE ROOM IS SUDDENLY LIT BY HUNDREDS OF CANDLES - In Barnum’s
imagination the SHADOWS UNITE to show us the vision of what
the three-ring circus will become.

YOUNG BARNUM (CONT’D)
THEY CAN SAY, THEY CAN SAY
IT ALL SOUNDS CRAZY
THEY CAN SAY, THEY CAN SAY
I’VE LOST MY MIND

Charity is transported. They move through the menagerie.

YOUNG BARNUM (CONT’D)
I DON’T CARE, I DON’T CARE
SO CALL ME CRAZY
I WILL LIVE IN A WORLD THAT I DESIGN

They gaze at each other, Charity leaning in for a kiss.
Barnum pulls back. He’s bold, but not yet that bold.

11 EXT. BARNUM HOUSE - KITCHEN - BETHEL - NIGHT 11 *

Barnum, 15 now, sits alone, writing a letter, with a single *
lantern on the table. His face is dirty, his clothes rags. *

YOUNG BARNUM (V.O.)
‘CAUSE EV’RY NIGHT I LIE IN BED
THE BRIGHTEST COLORS FILL MY HEAD *

11A INT. FINISHING SCHOOL - DORMITORY - NIGHT 11A *

Charity, 14 and beautiful, sits at a moonlit window sill and *
opens the letter. She pulls out a pop-up origami: two faces *
in profile; a boy and a girl. As she unfolds it, the faces *
come together, as if kissing. She smiles to herself, charmed. *

YOUNG BARNUM (V.O.) *
A MILLION DREAMS ARE KEEPIN’ ME AWAKE *

12 EXT. CHURCH CEMETERY - BETHEL - DAY 12

Philo Barnum’s funeral in a run-down cemetery. Just the
PRIEST and Barnum’s Mother and four Young Siblings. Barnum *
gazes at the family that’s dependent on him now -- wishing
there were some way to take their misery away:

YOUNG BARNUM (V.O.)
I THINK OF WHAT THE WORLD COULD BE
A VISION OF THE ONE I SEE

Behind him, a figure approaches. He turns. It’s Charity, *
out of place in this humble setting. She meets his eyes, *
steps up beside Barnum, discreetly holds his hand. *


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 10.
12 CONTINUED: 12

YOUNG BARNUM (V.O.)
A MILLION DREAMS IS ALL IT’S GONNA TAKE
A MILLION DREAMS FOR THE WORLD I’M GONNA MAKE *

13-14 OMITTED 13-14

15 INT./EXT. HALLET’S HOUSE - BETHEL, CONNECTICUT - DAY 15

MUSIC continues under. Barnum strides up the front walk of
the Hallet’s grand house -- scared but determined. He’s an
adult now, a younger version of the man we first met.

As he steps onto the porch, the door is pulled open. Mr
Hallet stands in the doorway, scowling, blocking his way.
Barnum takes off his hat -- humbly dressed, but respectful.

BARNUM
Mr. Hallet, I know how I look to you, but
you have my word, I will take care of
your daughter. And one day, I’ll buy her
a house like this one --

MR. HALLETT
With what?! You have no education, no
prospects... No common sense! *

Barnum is hurt but not surprised. He sees something over
Hallet’s shoulder. Mr. Hallet turns to look. Charity, 18,
carries a suitcase down the grand staircase to the foyer.

MR. HALLETT (CONT’D)
Charity! If you walk out that door now,
I am cutting you off from everything. *

Charity summons up her strength... And walks past him. She *
pauses to kiss her distraught mother on the cheek. *

CHARITY *
Goodbye, mother. *

She steps onto the porch, smiles up at Barnum. He takes her
suitcase. Charity slips her arm thru his, and they run off.

16 INT. RAILROAD TUNNEL - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS) 16

Barnum, carrying Charity’s suitcase, leads her through a dark
railroad tunnel. MUSIC continues under.

CHARITY
Where are you taking me?

BARNUM
Just a little further.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 11.
16 CONTINUED: 16

He comes to a stop in the middle of the tunnel.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Now. What do you see?

CHARITY
Darkness.

BARNUM
I see the future. OUR future.

CHARITY
And what does our future hold, Mr.
Barnum?

He leans in and kisses her.

BARNUM
Magic.

And just then the TRAIN arrives above them, light and steam
filling the tunnel with wonder.

CHARITY
HOWEVER BIG
HOWEVER SMALL
LET ME BE PART OF THEM ALL
SHARE YOUR DREAMS WITH ME
YOU MAY BE RIGHT
YOU MAY BE WRONG
BUT SAY THAT YOU’LL BRING ME ALONG TO THE
WORLD YOU SEE

BOTH
TO THE WORLD I CLOSE MY EYES TO SEE I
CLOSE MY EYES TO SEE

BARNUM
‘CAUSE EV’RY NIGHT I LIE IN BED
THE BRIGHTEST COLORS FILL MY HEAD

CHARITY
A MILLION DREAMS ARE KEEPIN’ ME AWAKE

Barnum and Charity dance together.

BOTH
I THINK OF WHAT THE WORLD COULD BE
A VISION OF THE ONE I SEE
A MILLION DREAMS IS ALL IT’S GONNA TAKE
A MILLION DREAMS FOR THE WORLD WE’RE
GONNA MAKE
FOR THE WORLD WE’RE GONNA MAKE


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 12.
16 CONTINUED: (2) 16

From the MAGIC and SWEEP of this musical climax we CUT TO:
Genres: ["Musical","Romance","Drama"]

Summary In a dark, abandoned mansion, Young Barnum passionately shares his dreams of a vibrant future with Charity, lighting candles that bring shadows to life, depicting his circus vision. Their connection deepens through a moment of intimacy, but Barnum hesitates to kiss her. The scene shifts to Barnum writing a letter and Charity receiving it, leading to a funeral where Barnum reflects on his responsibilities. Confronting Charity's disapproving father, Mr. Hallet, they ultimately choose to run away together, filled with hope and determination for their future, culminating in a magical dance as a train arrives.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Beautiful visuals
  • Musical performance enhances storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some predictable elements in the romance storyline

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is beautifully crafted, with strong emotional impact, engaging dialogue, and a visually stunning presentation. The musical performance enhances the storytelling and adds depth to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of dreams, imagination, and pursuing one's passion is effectively conveyed through the characters' interactions and the visual elements of the scene. The use of music and shadow play adds a unique and engaging layer to the storytelling.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Barnum and Charity's relationship deepens, setting the stage for their future endeavors in the circus. The scene also explores themes of ambition, love, and sacrifice.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its blend of historical setting, magical realism, and musical elements. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative, offering a fresh take on the protagonist's journey.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Barnum and Charity are well-developed characters with clear motivations and emotional depth. Their chemistry and connection drive the scene forward and engage the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Both Barnum and Charity experience growth and transformation in the scene, as they confront their fears, express their feelings, and make bold decisions about their future together. Their relationship evolves, setting the stage for their journey in the circus.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to create a world of his own design, where he can feel at home and free to pursue his dreams. This reflects his deeper desire for creativity, freedom, and self-expression.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Mr. Hallet to allow him to take care of Charity and eventually buy her a house like his. This reflects the immediate challenge of gaining approval and support from Charity's father.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some conflict between Barnum and Mr. Hallet, the scene focuses more on the characters' dreams and aspirations rather than external conflicts. The internal struggles and emotional journey of the characters drive the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from societal expectations, personal ambitions, and romantic tensions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate these obstacles and challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Barnum and Charity as they defy expectations, pursue their dreams, and face opposition from Mr. Hallet. The decisions they make in this scene will have a significant impact on their future and the success of their circus.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Barnum and Charity, establishing their shared dreams and aspirations, and setting the stage for their future endeavors in the circus. It also introduces key themes and conflicts that will drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey, from the abandoned mansion to the confrontation with Mr. Hallet and the magical moment in the railroad tunnel. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in creating a world of his own design versus societal expectations and limitations. It challenges his values of creativity, ambition, and individuality in the face of skepticism and doubt from others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the romantic moments between Barnum and Charity and the expression of their dreams and desires. The music, visuals, and performances enhance the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is heartfelt and expressive, capturing the characters' emotions and inner thoughts. The lyrics of the musical performance add depth to the scene and reveal the characters' hopes and dreams.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, magic, and romance, drawing the audience into the protagonist's world of imagination and ambition. The emotional depth and thematic resonance captivate the reader and create a sense of wonder.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension, emotion, and spectacle. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences creates a dynamic and engaging experience for the reader, building towards a climactic musical moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and musical cues enhance the immersive experience for the reader.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, seamlessly transitioning between different locations and characters while maintaining a cohesive narrative flow. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness and emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the whimsical and imaginative spirit of young Barnum as he leads Charity through the abandoned mansion. The use of shadows and candlelight to create a magical atmosphere is visually compelling and aligns well with the themes of dreams and aspirations.
  • The dialogue is engaging, particularly Barnum's lines that express his vision for the future. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more internal conflict or tension. For instance, Barnum's hesitation to kiss Charity could be explored further to emphasize his fear of vulnerability or the societal pressures they face.
  • The transition from the mansion to Barnum writing a letter is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to show the passage of time and Barnum's growth, it could benefit from a smoother connection that ties the two moments together thematically or emotionally.
  • The use of voiceover for Barnum's thoughts is effective, but it could be more impactful if it were interspersed with visual storytelling. Instead of relying solely on voiceover, consider showing more of Barnum's internal struggle through his actions or expressions as he navigates his relationship with Charity and his dreams.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the musical number could be more dynamic. Consider varying the tempo or introducing more choreography to enhance the emotional resonance of the moment. This would help to elevate the stakes and make the scene feel more climactic.
Suggestions
  • Deepen Barnum's internal conflict by adding a moment of hesitation or doubt before he attempts to kiss Charity. This could create a more relatable and human character, making the audience more invested in his journey.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the mansion scene and Barnum writing the letter. Perhaps include a brief moment where Barnum reflects on the experience before moving to the next scene, reinforcing the impact of that night on his aspirations.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements during the musical number. Consider adding more dynamic choreography or visual effects that reflect Barnum's imagination coming to life, making the scene feel more vibrant and engaging.
  • Explore the emotional weight of the moment by showing Charity's reactions more vividly. Her expressions and body language can convey her feelings about Barnum's dreams and their future together, adding depth to their connection.
  • Consider using the shadows and candlelight more creatively to symbolize Barnum's dreams versus the harsh realities he faces. This could enhance the thematic depth of the scene and provide a visual metaphor for his journey.



Scene 5 -  From Despair to Delight
16A INT. OFFICE - DAY 16A *

Barnum hunches at a desk, punching buttons into a mechanical *
Burroughs adding machine, writing the results into a ledger. *

WIDER -- His is one desk in a vast office of Accountants, all *
crammed in tidy rows. A CACOPHONY of adding machines. It’s *
as far from his youthful dreams as he could have imagined. *

A BOSS, 60s and well-dressed, walks out and waves his arms. *
Gradually, everyone stops working. The room goes silent. *

BOSS
Gentlemen, I regret to say you’re all *
dismissed. Company’s gone bankrupt. *

BARNUM
Bankrupt? What happened?

BOSS
Typhoon. All our trading ships are at the *
bottom of the South China Seas. Better
luck with your next job. If you find one.

He claps Barnum’s shoulder, walks off. Barnum slumps back, *
gut-punched. He frowns, eyes darting, thinking fiercely. *

Everyone else gets up and begins to filter out of the room. *
A HUBBUB of MURMURS. Only Barnum remains seated. *

He sees a pencil holder (a metal can dotted with holes) on *
his desk. Reaches over, dumps the pencils out. Holds it up. *

BARNUM *
Would you mind if I take this home? *

BOSS *
Take anything you can carry. It’s all *
junk now. *

The Boss departs, leaving Barnum alone. He turns and scans *
the office, mind racing. He frowns, frowns... And smiles. *

17 INT. BARNUM’S TENEMENT - NIGHT 17

Barnum enters, exhausted from work. He carries the pencil *
holder, and several large files. It’s a cramped tenement. *

Barnum and Charity are in their 30s now. His daughters,
CAROLINE, 7, and HELEN, 3, greet him with cries of happiness.



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 13.
17 CONTINUED: 17

QUICK CUTS -- Barnum assembles a gift from scavenged office *
equipment. Charity and the Girls watch as he binds a candle *
to a spike, lights it, and places the pencil holder over the *
candle, onto the spike. Charity blows out a lantern. *

Suddenly, the room is only lit by a hundred points of light,
emitted from holes. Barnum spins the pencil holder, and the *
points of light spin around the room. The Girls are dazzled.

BARNUM
Happy birthday, Caroline.

CAROLINE
What is it?

BARNUM
It’s a wishing machine. Built by the *
King of Siam. Stolen by pirates. Lost *
in a great storm. It’s the only one in *
the whole world. You tell it all your *
wishes and it holds them safe.

HELEN
My wish is to marry Santa Claus!

BARNUM
That’s a good wish!

CAROLINE
I wish for a pair of ballet slippers, so
I can be a ballerina.

Barnum smiles, but he’s flat broke. It rips his guts out.

18 OMITTED 18

19 OMITTED 19 *
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary In a bustling office, Barnum learns of his company's bankruptcy, leaving him feeling defeated. As his coworkers leave, he asks to take a pencil holder home. Later, he creatively transforms office supplies into a 'wishing machine' for his daughter's birthday, bringing joy to his family despite their financial struggles. The scene shifts from somber to whimsical as Barnum's imaginative gift creates a moment of happiness, showcasing the bond between him, his wife Charity, and their daughters Caroline and Helen.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Creative storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited interaction with other characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of Barnum while showcasing his creativity and love for his family.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of dreams being shattered by financial hardship is well-executed, and the introduction of the 'wishing machine' adds a touch of whimsy to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Barnum's struggle with his job loss and financial instability, as well as his dedication to his family, setting up potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of financial struggle by incorporating elements of fantasy and imagination. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Barnum's character is fleshed out through his actions and interactions with his family, showcasing his resilience and creativity. Charity's presence adds depth to the scene and hints at their relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum undergoes a subtle change in this scene, from initial disappointment to a renewed sense of determination and love for his family.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal in this scene is to provide for his family and maintain a sense of dignity and hope in the face of adversity. His deeper need is to protect and support his loved ones, while his fear is the loss of stability and security.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal in this scene is to find a way to provide a birthday gift for his daughter despite being broke. This reflects the immediate challenge of financial hardship and the desire to create joy for his family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Barnum grapples with his financial setbacks and the disappointment of not being able to fulfill his daughters' wishes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming. Barnum's financial struggles and the challenge of providing for his family create a compelling obstacle.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively high for Barnum, as he faces financial ruin and the challenge of providing for his family in the midst of uncertainty.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Barnum's financial struggles and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions in future scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twist of bankruptcy and the unexpected solution of the wishing machine. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the harsh reality of bankruptcy and the dream-like quality of Barnum's storytelling to his daughters. This challenges his beliefs in the power of imagination and hope in the face of adversity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the moments of Barnum's disappointment and his heartfelt gesture towards his daughters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and relationships between the characters, especially through the interaction between Barnum and his daughters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines elements of drama, humor, and emotion to create a compelling narrative. The audience is invested in Barnum's struggle and his interactions with his family.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with moments of warmth and humor. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The visual elements are well-defined.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Barnum's transition from a hopeful dreamer to a man facing harsh realities, which is a crucial character development moment. However, the emotional weight of the bankruptcy announcement could be enhanced by showing more of Barnum's internal struggle and the impact on his colleagues, rather than just focusing on his immediate reaction.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth. The boss's lines could be more impactful if they conveyed a sense of loss or regret, rather than just stating the facts. This would help to elevate the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The visual elements, such as the pencil holder becoming a 'wishing machine,' are imaginative and align with Barnum's character. However, the transition from the office to the home could be smoother. The quick cuts feel a bit abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual build-up to the family scene.
  • The scene does a good job of contrasting Barnum's bleak work environment with the warmth of his home life. However, the emotional conflict of being broke while trying to provide joy for his daughters could be more pronounced. Showing Barnum's internal conflict more vividly would enhance the audience's connection to his character.
  • The use of the 'wishing machine' is a clever device that symbolizes Barnum's creativity and hope, but it might be more effective if it were tied more explicitly to his dreams for the future. This would reinforce the theme of aspiration versus reality.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a poignant reaction from Barnum's colleagues after the boss announces the bankruptcy. This would help to emphasize the gravity of the situation and create a more somber atmosphere.
  • Revise the boss's dialogue to include a more emotional tone, perhaps expressing regret for the employees' futures or acknowledging Barnum's potential, which would add depth to the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition between the office and home by incorporating a brief moment of reflection for Barnum as he leaves the office, perhaps showing him looking back at the office or contemplating his next steps.
  • Enhance Barnum's internal conflict by including a moment where he hesitates before leaving the office, reflecting on his dreams versus the reality of his situation. This could be shown through a close-up of his face or a brief flashback to happier times.
  • Tie the 'wishing machine' more closely to Barnum's aspirations by having him express a wish of his own, perhaps for his daughters' futures or for a better life, which would resonate with the audience and reinforce the theme of hope.



Scene 6 -  Dreams and Support on the Rooftop
20 EXT. BARNUM’S TENEMENT APARTMENT - ROOFTOP - NIGHT (LATER) 20

MUSIC continues as Barnum sits on the ledge, flipping thru a *
pile of BILLS, many stamped OVERDUE. Barnum sings, wistful: *

BARNUM *
‘CAUSE EV’RY NIGHT I LIE IN BED *
THE BRIGHTEST COLORS FILL MY HEAD *
A MILLION DREAMS ARE KEEPIN’ ME AWAKE *

Charity steps out to find Barnum gazing out at the lighted *
skyline. She kisses the back of his head, sits beside him. *
Barnum shakes his head and looks at the bills in his hand. *




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 14.
20 CONTINUED: 20

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Ballet slippers. Can’t even afford that.
I work all day to make rich men richer.
And every time I have an idea to do
something on my own, I lose our savings.

CHARITY
At least there wasn’t much to lose...

She smiles, but he can’t return it. She rubs his back. *

CHARITY (CONT’D) *
You see things other people don’t. *
That’s what I love about you. *

BARNUM *
(shakes his head) *
When I think of the life you gave up... *

CHARITY *
I didn’t give it up. You saved me from *
it. *

Finally, he looks at her -- quietly admitting the hard truth. *

BARNUM
This isn’t the life I promised you. I
know that.

CHARITY
I have everything I want right here with
you.

BARNUM
What about that house we were going to
fill -- with magic and wonder?

CHARITY
What do you call those two girls
downstairs?

He looks at his wife, finally smiles. She’s gotten through.
Charity leans against his shoulder. Delicately, he ventures:

BARNUM
Charity... I’ve had another idea.

She turns -- intrigued and worried. Now what? *
Genres: ["Musical","Romance","Drama"]

Summary On a rooftop overlooking a lighted skyline, Barnum sits with overdue bills, singing a wistful song about dreams. Charity joins him, offering love and reassurance despite their financial struggles. As Barnum expresses guilt over not providing the life he promised, Charity comforts him, affirming her happiness with him. The scene captures their emotional connection amidst hardship, ending with Barnum hinting at a new idea, leaving Charity both intrigued and worried.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Intimate moments between Barnum and Charity
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of action or movement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and sets up a poignant moment between Barnum and Charity. The dialogue and performances are strong, creating a moving and intimate atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of dreams, sacrifice, and love is well-developed in the scene. It explores the conflict between ambition and reality, adding depth to the characters and their relationship.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Barnum reveals his struggles and aspirations to Charity, deepening their bond. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions, adding layers to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of pursuing dreams and balancing relationships, with authentic dialogue and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Barnum and Charity are well-developed and their emotional journey is compelling. Their love and understanding shine through in their interactions, making them relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum experiences a subtle shift in perspective as he opens up to Charity about his struggles and dreams. This vulnerability marks a change in his character, deepening his emotional arc.

Internal Goal: 9

Barnum's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the sacrifices he and his wife have made for each other and to find a way to fulfill his dreams without compromising their relationship.

External Goal: 8

Barnum's external goal is to find a way to pursue his dreams and create something of his own without losing their savings or compromising their current life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Barnum's struggles and aspirations. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions, adding tension and complexity to the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the characters' emotional struggles.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, focusing more on emotional and relational challenges rather than external conflicts. The outcome of Barnum's dreams and promises to Charity adds tension and significance.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing Barnum's inner turmoil and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It deepens the relationship between Barnum and Charity, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional twists and turns in the characters' interactions and the uncertainty of how they will resolve their conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between pursuing one's dreams and maintaining a stable, fulfilling relationship. Barnum struggles with the idea of providing a better life for his wife while also wanting to pursue his creative ambitions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, hope, and love. The intimate moments between Barnum and Charity resonate with the audience, creating a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is heartfelt and authentic, capturing the emotions and thoughts of the characters effectively. It enhances the intimacy and connection between Barnum and Charity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the relatable struggles they face, and the tension between their dreams and reality.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for emotional moments to resonate and tension to build between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Barnum's struggles through the juxtaposition of his dreams and the harsh reality of his financial situation. The use of song lyrics enhances the wistful tone, allowing the audience to connect with Barnum's internal conflict.
  • Charity's character shines in this scene as she provides emotional support to Barnum, showcasing her unwavering love and belief in him. However, her dialogue could be strengthened to further emphasize her resilience and optimism in the face of adversity.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and Charity is poignant, but it occasionally feels expository. For instance, when Barnum mentions the ballet slippers, it could be more impactful if he expressed his feelings about not being able to provide for their daughters in a more personal way, rather than just stating the fact.
  • The transition from Barnum's despair to a moment of connection with Charity is well-executed, but the scene could benefit from a stronger visual representation of their surroundings. The rooftop setting is a powerful metaphor for their elevated hopes and dreams, yet it could be more vividly described to enhance the atmosphere.
  • The scene ends on a note of intrigue with Barnum hinting at another idea, which is effective for maintaining narrative momentum. However, it would be beneficial to foreshadow the nature of this idea subtly, perhaps through a visual cue or a more specific line of dialogue that hints at his entrepreneurial spirit.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the rooftop setting to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the city below, the cool night air, or the stars above to immerse the audience in the moment.
  • Enhance Charity's dialogue to reflect her strength and optimism more vividly. Perhaps she could share a personal anecdote or a memory that reinforces her belief in Barnum's vision, making her support feel more grounded.
  • Rework Barnum's lines about the ballet slippers to evoke a deeper emotional response. Instead of simply stating the financial burden, he could express his feelings of inadequacy as a provider, which would resonate more with the audience.
  • Introduce a visual element that symbolizes hope or dreams, such as a distant light or a passing train, to reinforce the theme of aspiration in the scene. This could serve as a metaphor for Barnum's ambitions and the journey ahead.
  • When Barnum hints at his new idea, consider incorporating a moment of inspiration where he looks at something specific on the rooftop that sparks his creativity, making the transition feel more organic and visually engaging.



Scene 7 -  A Moment of Wonder
21 EXT. GROCERY STORE - LOWER EAST SIDE - MANHATTAN - DAY 21

CLOSE ON: A window sign that reads: LOTTERY TICKETS INSIDE! *



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 15.
21 CONTINUED: 21

There is a line out the door, waiting to buy. Barnum, as a
barker, seems to really believe his own pitch -- there’s an
urgent sense of trying to save people from a humdrum life.
Caroline stands nearby, handing out lottery fliers.

BARNUM
Come one, come all! Step right up! This
is a chance to live your dreams! Everyone
has an equal shot! All you need is a
ticket! Someone’s going to go home rich!
Why not you?! Why not buy a ticket?!
Why not buy ten?!

Suddenly, a police WHISTLE. A SQUADRON of COPS swarms into
the store. CUSTOMERS in line react with catcalls and BOOS.

COP
Sorry, Barnum. The State of New York
will never condone lottery gambling.

BARNUM
A lottery isn’t gambling! It’s hundreds
of people coming together with a dream --

COP
Yeah -- while you skim twenty percent!

BARNUM
Twenty? I skim thirty at least!

Another COP pulls down the Lottery sign and rips it up.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Oh, come on. I just paid two dollars for
that!

As the COPS dismantle Barnum’s makeshift lottery stand, he
turns to see Caroline watching him. Barnum smiles bravely.

22 OMITTED 22

23 EXT. LOWER EAST SIDE STREET - MANHATTAN - DAY (LATER) 23

A crowded shopping street. Barnum walks in the crowd, deeply
frustrated by this setback. Caroline tags along with him.
He stops on the curb, as a HORSE-DRAWN WAGON drives past.

CAROLINE
Why’d they close it down?

BARNUM
Because they can’t see! And if they
can’t see it, it doesn’t exist!


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 16.
23 CONTINUED: 23

CAROLINE
I don’t understand. *

As they cross the street, Barnum stops, searching for the
right words -- beyond frustrated. Up the street, a MAN steps
into the path of the HORSE-DRAWN WAGON. Its DRIVER yanks the
horse’s reins, causing the wagon to JACKKNIFE. Barnum turns.

Suddenly: SEVERAL HUNDRED BRIGHTLY-COLORED BALLS...

...spill out onto the street, bouncing and rolling past them
in every direction. It’s a wondrous moment. They’re right
in the center of it. All other activity stops as CHILDREN,
and ADULTS, gather up the balls, tossing them back and forth.

Barnum watches as the ashen street is transformed into a
festive tempest of color and joy. Barnum leans in, pointing.

BARNUM *
Look! *

CAROLINE *
They’re dancing...! *

24 EXT. STREET - DAY 24 *

PEDESTRIANS -- Avoiding the balls, trying to keep their *
balance -- seem to mimic a choreographed circus routine. A *
brief explosion of joy, color, movement, mirth, excitement... *

25 EXT. LOWER EAST SIDE STREET - MANHATTAN - DAY 25

Barnum is transfixed by his sudden glimpse. To Caroline:

BARNUM
You see? When the unexpected happens,
everything is possible! The rules go out
the window! Life becomes joyous!

Caroline nods, sharing his excitement. Then, gradually,
street activity returns to normal. Barnum shakes his head.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
If I could capture that...!

And as he watches wistfully, a last ball rolls across the
street and comes to a stop in front of a derelict three-story
building with a FORECLOSURE NOTICE on the front door.

Barnum turns his eyes up at the building. An idea forming.

26 OMITTED 26 *
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 17.


27 INT. BANK - MANHATTAN - DAY 27

Barnum sits opposite a BANK MANAGER.

BANKER
Mr. Barnum, this venture you propose is
risky, if not downright bizarre. The bank
is going to need substantial collateral --

Barnum puts a full set of legal documents on the desk.

BARNUM
I own the deed and title to every *
trading vessel in this flotilla. *

The Banker looks at the documents, then at Barnum, impressed.

BANKER
I see. And where are these ships now? *

BARNUM
(all-too-literally true:)
In the South China Seas.

BANKER
(nods, approving)
Ah. Well, then! What do you plan to
call this... scheme of yours?

28 EXT. LOWER EAST SIDE STREET - MANHATTAN - DAY (WEEKS LATER) 28

Barnum shows his family his new building, spruced up with
flags and colorful posters. A sign introduces ’BARNUM’S
AMERICAN MUSEUM OF CURIOSITIES.’ Caroline reads it, puzzled.

CAROLINE
Barnum’s American Museum of Curiosities.

HELEN
What kind of museum is it, Daddy?

BARNUM
It’s a place to be transported! To let
your imagination soar! To see things you
never in your life thought you’d see!

CAROLINE
What sort of things?

29 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY 29

THWACK! A GUILLOTINE BLADE comes down, cutting off Marie
Antoinette’s head. Helen covers her mouth in shock.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 18.
29 CONTINUED: 29

HELEN
What is it?

Barnum energetically leads them through a room filled with
famous figures. Many have been slightly damaged in transit.

BARNUM
A wax figure! They’re all the rage in
Europe now! Look -- there’s Napoleon!
(waves in his face)
Hello! And Marie Antoinette, with the
sore throat! You can meet them all!
The most famous people who every lived! *
Everyone knows they’re not real, but it *
doesn’t matter! People want to believe, *
so they do! *

CHARITY *
Speaking of which... I brought this. *

Charity holds out something wrapped in a blanket. Barnum *
unwraps it. It is the driftwood mermaid from the beach. *
Barnum is touched. He looks up at Charity. She smiles. *

CAROLINE
What’s that? *

Barnum gently sets piece of wood into a display case. *

BARNUM
It’s a mermaid. Straight from Fiji! *

HELEN
It looks like driftwood.

BARNUM
Only to the most literal-minded!

He looks to Charity for support. Charity, however, looks
around skeptically -- the room filled with a rather sorry *
collection: a pygmy skeleton, half-melted wax figures, etc. *

CHARITY
I’m not sure people are going to pay to
see a handful of wax dummies --

BARNUM
Exactly! Which is why I also hired...
Acrobats! *

He whistles and a FAMILY of elderly Romanians stumble on to
do a routine. Barnum beams as the girls look on in wonder. *
Charity leaves, needing a moment. Barnum watches her go.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 19.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary Barnum passionately promotes a lottery ticket stand outside a grocery store, but his operation is shut down by the police for illegal gambling. Frustrated, he walks with Caroline, who struggles to understand the situation. They then witness colorful balls spilling onto the street, transforming the mundane into a joyous spectacle. Inspired by this unexpected event, Barnum begins to envision a new venture that captures such wonder.
Strengths
  • Vivid imagery
  • Resilience theme
  • Creative transformation
Weaknesses
  • Limited intense conflict
  • Some predictable dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Barnum's determination and innovative spirit, setting the stage for the development of his circus. The colorful imagery and uplifting tone make it engaging and memorable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of turning a setback into an opportunity for creativity and joy is well-executed. The introduction of the museum as a unique venture adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Barnum faces obstacles but ultimately finds a new direction for his dreams. The scene sets up the foundation for future events in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as a makeshift lottery stand and a wax figure museum, showcasing fresh approaches to storytelling. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Barnum's character is further developed as he navigates challenges with resilience and optimism. Caroline's role as a supportive companion adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Barnum undergoes a subtle transformation from frustration to inspiration, showcasing his adaptability and creativity. Caroline's support also highlights her role in Barnum's journey.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal is to prove his worth and creativity in the face of societal norms and restrictions. He desires to create something extraordinary and captivating.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal is to establish his American Museum of Curiosities and showcase his unique vision to the public.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is some conflict with the closure of Barnum's lottery stand, the scene focuses more on Barnum's response to setbacks rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, represented by the police and societal norms, creates conflict and obstacles for Barnum, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 4

While there are stakes involved in Barnum's financial struggles and the closure of his lottery stand, the scene focuses more on Barnum's response and resilience rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the concept of the American Museum of Curiosities and setting the stage for Barnum's circus venture.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected events that unfold, such as the police intervention and the colorful ball explosion.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Barnum's belief in the power of imagination and the skepticism of others towards his unconventional ideas. This challenges Barnum's values of creativity and innovation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of hope and wonder, especially with the colorful ball imagery and Barnum's determination. It resonates emotionally with the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue effectively conveys Barnum's passion and determination, as well as Caroline's curiosity and skepticism. It serves the purpose of advancing the plot and character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, vivid descriptions, and the sense of wonder and excitement it conveys.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and excitement, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined beats and transitions, maintaining the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Barnum's relentless optimism and ambition, showcasing his ability to turn setbacks into opportunities. However, the transition from the lottery stand to the colorful balls spilling onto the street feels somewhat abrupt. While the magical moment is visually striking, it could benefit from a smoother lead-in that builds anticipation for this unexpected joy.
  • Barnum's dialogue is lively and engaging, but it occasionally borders on overly expository, particularly when he explains the nature of the lottery. This could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pace and keep the audience engaged without feeling lectured.
  • The character of Caroline serves as a good foil to Barnum's exuberance, but her confusion about the lottery and the subsequent events could be deepened. Providing her with a more active role in the scene, perhaps by expressing her own dreams or frustrations, would enhance her character development and make her interactions with Barnum more dynamic.
  • The visual imagery of the colorful balls is a strong metaphor for Barnum's vision of wonder and joy, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds, smells, and feelings associated with the moment would create a richer experience for the audience.
  • The ending of the scene, where Barnum's gaze shifts to the derelict building, is a strong visual cue for his next venture. However, it could be more impactful if Barnum vocalizes his thoughts or feelings about the building, providing insight into his mindset and making the transition to the next scene more seamless.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or reflection for Barnum before the colorful balls spill onto the street, allowing the audience to feel his frustration more deeply before the joyous interruption.
  • Streamline Barnum's dialogue about the lottery to make it more concise and impactful, focusing on his passion rather than explaining the concept too thoroughly.
  • Give Caroline a more active role in the scene by allowing her to express her own dreams or concerns, which would create a more engaging dynamic between her and Barnum.
  • Incorporate more sensory details during the colorful ball moment to enhance the visual spectacle and immerse the audience in the experience.
  • Add a line or two of internal dialogue or a vocalized thought from Barnum as he looks at the derelict building, which would provide clarity on his intentions and emotions, making the transition to the next scene smoother.



Scene 8 -  The Grand Opening Dilemma
30 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - A FEW MINUTES LATER 30

Barnum comes into the lobby to find Charity, fretting.

BARNUM
I know how it looks.

CHARITY
Good. If you didn’t, I’d be worried.

BARNUM
This is just the beginning...

CHARITY
How much did we put into this again?

BARNUM
It’s complicated.

CHARITY
-- how much?

BARNUM
(hesitates)
Everything.

Charity takes a moment to absorb that.

CHARITY
You’re either a genius or a madman.

BARNUM
Or both.

Off Barnum’s grin, we

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - A FEW WEEKS LATER

A small MUSICAL BAND rehearsing in the corner. Not very well.
Barnum moves through the place trailed by Helen and Caroline,
in their best dresses, as he makes sure everything is ready.

They approach ANNE WHEELER, the acrobat from the opening,
doing a one-handed handstand on the raised palm of her
brother W.D. (20, African-American, with a boxer’s build).
The girls are transfixed. Anne sees them, and dismounts.

ANNE
Sorry, Mr. Barnum. Opening day jitters.




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 20.
CONTINUED:

BARNUM
Please, call me P.T. Girls, this is Anne
Wheeler, and her brother, W.D. The
greatest acrobats in the entire world!

Anne rolls her eyes at the hyperbole and smiles at the girls.

ANNE
Maybe Brooklyn.

BARNUM
Okay, everyone, take your places!

31 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - LOBBY - A BIT LATER 31

Barnum marches across the festively decorated lobby, complete
with a “GRAND OPENING” banner. He is trailed by Caroline and
Helen. A CASHIER, MR. O’MALLEY, gets ready to sell tickets.
The Band strikes up their best festive Opening Day music.

BARNUM
All right, now! Is everyone ready?

CHARITY, CAROLINE AND HELEN
Ready!

He reaches the front doors, takes one last look around, then
throws them open grandly, his face filled with expectation...
No one is there. Outside, on the street, ordinary life goes
on, ignoring them. Everyone deflates a bit. Except Barnum.

HELEN
No one cares...!

BARNUM
No, they do care. They just don’t know
it yet.

He picks up an old-fashioned megaphone, puts on his hat.

32-34 OMITTED 32-34

35 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY (CONTINUOUS) 35

Barnum comes out, sees a parade of grey PEOPLE, trudging
through their daily grind. He starts hawking the PASSERSBY:

BARNUM
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! Step
this way! You won’t believe your eyes!
Through these doors are more mysteries
and beguilements than have ever been
assembled under one roof!


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 21.
35 CONTINUED: 35

No one pays attention. He tries again.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
(into megaphone)
Right this way, folks! Be the first to
see the wonders of the Barnum Museum!
Come one, come all! See things you’ve
never seen! Things you never imagined!

He stops. Dozens of people walk past, ignoring the museum.
Then he notices Caroline and Helen, by the front door,
watching him fail to draw a crowd. He turns, mind spinning,
desperate not to fail again. He turns and takes stock of his
assets -- Anne, W.D., Charity, Caroline, Helen...

...And O’Malley, the pudgy, earnest, fresh-off-the-boat Irish
ticket seller. Barnum marches over to the ticket booth.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Mr. O’Malley. What are you doing?

O’MALLEY
At the moment, sir? Very little.

BARNUM
Exactly. Come out. I need your help.

O’Malley exits the ticket booth, uncomfortable with Barnum’s
attention. Barnum throws his arms over O’Malley’s shoulder.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Here’s what we’re going to do -- I’m out
here trying to get as many people as
possible to buy tickets to my museum.

O’MALLEY
And you want me to help.

BARNUM
No. I want you to tell everyone they
shouldn’t buy tickets.

O’Malley looks baffled. Barnum leads him into the museum.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Let me explain...

36-37 OMITTED 36-37
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In the lobby of Barnum's Museum, Barnum reassures his anxious wife Charity about their financial investment as they prepare for the grand opening. Despite showcasing talented acrobats Anne and W.D. to the girls, the opening is met with disappointment when no guests arrive. Barnum attempts to attract a crowd using a megaphone but initially fails. He then confounds ticket seller O'Malley by instructing him to discourage ticket sales, leading to a humorous yet tense moment as Barnum navigates the challenges of his ambitious venture.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Innovative concept
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited interaction with secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Barnum's resilience and creativity in the face of adversity, setting up a pivotal moment in his journey.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Barnum using reverse psychology to attract customers is unique and engaging, showing his unconventional approach to business.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Barnum's efforts to launch his museum and the challenges he faces, setting up the conflict and stakes for the rest of the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of ambition and showmanship, with a focus on unconventional ideas and bold risks. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Barnum, Charity, and O'Malley, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

Barnum undergoes a subtle change in mindset, from initial excitement to determination and resilience in the face of failure.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove himself as a visionary and showman, despite facing skepticism and challenges. This reflects his desire for recognition, success, and validation of his unconventional ideas.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to attract an audience to his museum and make it a success. This reflects his immediate challenge of gaining acceptance and popularity for his unconventional show.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict arises from Barnum's struggle to attract customers to his museum, adding tension and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Barnum facing skepticism, indifference, and challenges in attracting an audience to his museum. The obstacles he encounters add depth to the conflict and raise the stakes for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Barnum risks everything to make his museum a success, adding urgency and importance to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing Barnum's struggle to launch his museum and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Barnum's actions and decisions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold and what challenges the characters will face.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional values and innovation. Barnum's bold and unconventional approach challenges societal norms and expectations, leading to a clash of perspectives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from hope and excitement to disappointment and determination, making it emotionally engaging.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reflects the characters' personalities and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic characters, witty dialogue, and dramatic tension. The conflict and stakes are clearly established, drawing the audience into the story and creating anticipation for what will happen next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension, action, and character interactions. The rhythm and flow of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The visual and auditory elements are well-crafted, enhancing the reader's immersion in the story.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with a buildup of tension, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness, leading to a compelling narrative arc.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Barnum's optimism and determination, contrasting with Charity's skepticism. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the tension between their differing perspectives. Charity's line about Barnum being either a genius or a madman is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced with more emotional weight or a personal anecdote that illustrates her concerns.
  • The transition from the initial conversation to the rehearsal feels abrupt. The scene could benefit from a smoother transition that builds anticipation for the opening day. Perhaps including a brief moment where Barnum reflects on the stakes involved could heighten the tension.
  • The introduction of Anne Wheeler and her brother W.D. is engaging, but their characters could be given more depth in this scene. A line or two that hints at their backstory or aspirations would make them more relatable and add to the emotional stakes of the opening.
  • The moment when Barnum opens the doors to an empty street is powerful, but the reactions of the characters could be more varied. While Barnum remains optimistic, Charity and the girls could express a mix of disappointment and confusion, which would create a more layered emotional response.
  • Barnum's use of the megaphone is a classic showman tactic, but it could be more visually dynamic. Consider adding a moment where he tries different pitches or antics to attract attention, showcasing his creativity and desperation in a more vivid way.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and O'Malley at the ticket booth is humorous, but it may come off as confusing to the audience. Clarifying Barnum's intentions with O'Malley could help maintain the comedic tone while ensuring the audience understands the strategy behind the absurdity.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by adding a moment where Barnum reflects on what this opening means for his family and their future, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a conversation with Charity.
  • Consider adding a visual motif that symbolizes Barnum's dreams versus reality, such as contrasting the vibrant decorations of the museum with the dullness of the street outside.
  • Deepen the characterization of Anne and W.D. by including a line that hints at their personal stakes in the success of the museum, making their involvement feel more significant.
  • Introduce a moment of doubt or fear from Charity that contrasts with Barnum's optimism, perhaps by having her voice a specific concern about their financial investment or the risks involved.
  • Incorporate more physical comedy or visual gags as Barnum attempts to attract a crowd, showcasing his showmanship and the absurdity of the situation to engage the audience further.
  • Clarify Barnum's instructions to O'Malley by having him explain the rationale behind the unconventional strategy, ensuring that the humor is grounded in a clear understanding of Barnum's character.



Scene 9 -  Chaos Outside the Museum
38 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY 38

Barnum and O’Malley step onto the street, nervous. People
pass by without a second look. Barnum speaks sotto.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 22.
38 CONTINUED: 38

BARNUM
Okay. Let’s sell this. If things go
wobbly, make a quick exit. Ready?

O’Malley nods. Barnum lifts his megaphone, in barker mode.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Come one, come all! See the wonders of
the Barnum Museum! Step right up, folks!

O’Malley takes a breath. Suddenly, he is an unhappy customer.

O’MALLEY
Sir, I want my money back! You should be *
ashamed of this museum! Ashamed, I say! *

A few people are drawn by the ruckus. Barnum “confronts” him.

BARNUM
Now see here, sir! You bought your
ticket and saw the sights...!

O’Malley, getting into it, goes big -- almost hysterical.

O’MALLEY
Oh, if only I hadn’t! If only I could un- *
see what my eyes have glimpsed! It’s *
unfit for decent people, what you have in
there! Unfit for decent society! Look
what you’ve done to my wife and children!

Charity approaches, looking stricken, clutching Caroline and
Helen to her sides. The girls cover their faces and “weep”.

CHARITY
(Irish accent)
Y’ should be ashamed of yourself, Barnum!
It’s not fit for children and ladies!

BARNUM
Maybe not for ladies, but what about you?

O’MALLEY
You can’t talk to my wife that way!

He grabs Barnum. They tussle. Women SCREAM. A big crowd
forms. Suddenly, a police WHISTLE. A Cop pushes his way
through the crowd. (The same one who broke up the lottery.)

COP
Break it up! Break it up! What’s going
on here? Who started this?



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 23.
38 CONTINUED: (2) 38

He pulls them apart. O’Malley turns and addresses the crowd.

O’MALLEY
This museum is unfit for decent society!
No one should buy a ticket! No one!

BARNUM
You can’t tell these good people what to
do! They can think for themselves! Make
up their own minds! Isn’t that right,
folks?

The CROWD roars in agreement. Barnum’s got them with him.

CROWD
Yes! Yeah! We can think for ourselves!

O’MALLEY
You are wicked, sir! Wicked!

Barnum attacks him. They wrestle. The Cop pulls them apart.

COP
That’s it, Barnum! You’re under arrest!

Barnum, scared, breaks away and sprints back into the museum.
The Cop puts a hand on his holster, and runs after him.

COP (CONT’D)
Stop right there! Stop or I’ll shoot!

Barnum runs into the museum. The Cop follows. The crowd,
watching it all agog, erupts in a HUBBUB.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Barnum and O'Malley create a scene outside Barnum's Museum as O'Malley pretends to be an irate customer demanding a refund, drawing a crowd and inciting Barnum's wife, Charity, to join in the criticism. The situation escalates into a physical confrontation, attracting the attention of a police officer who intervenes. In a panic, Barnum flees back into the museum, pursued by the cop, leaving the crowd in a state of excitement and confusion.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of drama and humor
  • Engaging conflict and tension
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly exaggerated

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends drama, humor, and tension to create an engaging and memorable moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Barnum's museum opening facing opposition from the public and authorities is well-executed, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene, focusing on the conflict surrounding the museum opening, is engaging and drives the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the conflict between entertainment and morality, with a focus on the impact of the protagonist's actions on society. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Barnum and O'Malley, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Barnum's character undergoes a slight change as he faces the consequences of his actions, hinting at growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his reputation and defend his museum against criticism. This reflects his deeper need for validation, success, and recognition.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince the crowd to support his museum and not be swayed by O'Malley's accusations. This reflects the immediate challenge of public perception and reputation management.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Barnum, O'Malley, and the authorities creates a high-stakes and tense situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, physical confrontation, and the introduction of a new obstacle in the form of the police intervention. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of Barnum's arrest and the public backlash raise the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden escalation of conflict, unexpected character actions, and the introduction of a new obstacle in the form of the police intervention. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the value of entertainment and spectacle versus the value of decency and morality. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the purpose of his museum and the impact of his actions on society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to hope, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and humor of the situation, enhancing the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high emotional stakes, dynamic character interactions, and fast-paced action. The escalating conflict and dramatic dialogue keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, maintaining a sense of urgency, and keeping the audience engaged. The rapid dialogue exchanges, physical action, and escalating conflict create a dynamic rhythm that drives the scene forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines enhance the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of Barnum's attempts to attract a crowd, but it could benefit from clearer stakes. While Barnum's desperation is evident, the audience needs to understand what is at risk if he fails. Adding a line or two that emphasizes the consequences of not drawing in customers could heighten the tension.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and O'Malley is entertaining, but it feels somewhat forced at times. O'Malley's exaggerated complaints could be more grounded to enhance the realism of the scene. Instead of being overly theatrical, he could express genuine disappointment, which would resonate more with the audience.
  • Charity's entrance adds emotional weight, but her dialogue feels a bit clichéd. Instead of simply chastising Barnum, she could express her concerns in a way that reflects her character's depth and complexity. This would create a more nuanced conflict between her and Barnum.
  • The physical tussle between Barnum and O'Malley escalates quickly, which is entertaining but could be better motivated. Providing a clearer reason for their confrontation would make the scene more coherent. For instance, if O'Malley had a personal stake in the museum's reputation, it would add layers to their conflict.
  • The police officer's arrival feels abrupt and somewhat comedic, which contrasts with the escalating tension. While humor can be effective, it should not undermine the stakes of the scene. Consider balancing the comedic elements with the seriousness of Barnum's predicament to maintain a consistent tone.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a line early in the scene that highlights the stakes for Barnum if he fails to attract a crowd, such as the potential loss of his investment or the disappointment of his family.
  • Revise O'Malley's dialogue to make it more relatable and grounded, perhaps by incorporating specific grievances that reflect real concerns about the museum's content.
  • Enhance Charity's dialogue to reflect her emotional investment in Barnum's success, perhaps by expressing her fears for their family's future rather than simply criticizing him.
  • Clarify the motivation behind the tussle between Barnum and O'Malley, possibly by giving O'Malley a personal connection to the museum or a specific incident that triggered his outrage.
  • Consider toning down the comedic elements of the police officer's intervention to maintain the scene's tension, perhaps by making the officer more serious about the situation while still allowing for some levity.



Scene 10 -  The Spark of Inspiration
INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS

Barnum runs in, stops. The Cop comes in and joins him. It’s
immediately clear that they are, in fact, confederates.

BARNUM
Here we go! Stand back!

He strikes a match, lights a small string of firecrackers.
Barnum tosses them on the floor, the first one POPS loudly.

EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY

From inside, a muffled POP. Another POP, POP, POP, and a
SCREAM. The crowd surges forward. Everyone is now
completely desperate to see what’s inside the museum. W.D. *
leaps into action, waving the crowd toward the box office.




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 24.
CONTINUED:

W.D.
This way, folks! See what’s inside! Have
your money ready! Children half-price!

O’Malley, Charity, Caroline and Helen stop acting and watch,
amazed, as the crowd surges in, all desperate to buy tickets.

39 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT 39

W.D. is seeing the last CUSTOMERS out the door.

W.D.
Thanks for coming, folks! Tell your
friends! And come back soon!

He closes the door. Charity opens the door to a back office.
Barnum and the COP are kicked back, playing cards.

BARNUM
Are they gone?

CHARITY
(incredulous) *
You. Are. Shameless! *

Barnum grins, peels off a few bills, slips them to the Cop.

BARNUM
Thanks for coming in, Tommy. Sorry about
the short notice.

COP
Any time, P.T. I always wanted to be an
actor. Nice workin’ with ya, Charity!

He tips his hat to her and exits. Barnum turns proudly.

BARNUM
So... How many tickets did we sell?

CAROLINE
We don’t know!

HELEN
We ran out of tickets!

Barnum couldn’t be happier. Charity looks at him -- both *
impressed and concerned. Barnum sees her look, and grins. *

BARNUM
They may not get exactly what they paid
for, but they’re getting their money’s
worth.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 25.


40 OMITTED 40

41 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT (SEVERAL WEEKS LATER) 41

Barnum, upbeat, sees out the last visitors of the day.

BARNUM
Have a good night! Come see us again!

The visitors file out, looking only moderately impressed.
Barnum shuts the doors behind them and allows his false cheer
to fade. He heads back to where W.D. is counting the take:

W.D.
Less than yesterday.

Barnum nods. He plops into a chair -- edgy, his mind racing. *

BARNUM
The museum’s not working! There are *
things to see, but it doesn’t add up! *
People visit but they don’t come back! *

W.D.
Why would they come back? *

BARNUM *
(leaping up) *
Exactly! I want them happy when they *
walk out of here! Transformed! Open to *
possibilities again! All I’ve got now is *
a crummy museum! *

He sits again -- stewing, seething. W.D. cautiously avers: *

W.D. *
Well... Maybe you could show ‘em *
something while they’re here. That’s the *
business you’re in, right? Showing? *

Barnum freezes -- his mind going a million miles an hour. He
snaps his fingers, jumps up, and paces like a caged tiger.

BARNUM
You’re right! I don’t need a stuffed
lion, I need a real lion! Not a wax *
soldier, a real soldier! It needs to be *
an experience -- an event! -- with music *
and magic and death-defying feats! *
Something you’ll want to see over and *
over! Not a museum but a show! Not just *
any show -- The greatest show anyone has
ever seen! The greatest show on earth!
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 26.


42 INT. BARNUM’S TENEMENT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT 42

Barnum tucks Caroline in next to Helen, who’s already asleep.

CAROLINE
Will there be dancing girls?

BARNUM
Every show has dancing girls.

CAROLINE
What about acrobats?

BARNUM
Every show has acrobats. Or trained
animals. Or daredevils...

CAROLINE
Why don’t you have them all? A show with
everything?

BARNUM
That’s not a bad idea. A show with
everything! But still... It’s just more
of the same, isn’t it?

CAROLINE
But... What else is there?

BARNUM
I don’t know! I want performers you
can’t see anywhere else. Someone who
couldn’t possibly exist but there they
are, right in front of you! A man with *
two heads! Or a giant, ten feet tall! *
Like you’re walking into a dream! And *
when you walk out, you’re glad you were *
alive to see it! *

CAROLINE
What about Tom Thumb?

BARNUM
Tom Thumb?

CAROLINE
He’s a boy we read about in school. They
say he’s the size of your thumb.

BARNUM
(holds up his thumb)
Tom Thumb. I like that. You should be
doing my job.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 27.
42 CONTINUED: 42

He leans down and kisses Caroline. She smiles.

43 EXT. SMALL WOODEN CABIN - PORCH - DAY 43

Barnum knocks on the door. A CRONE-LIKE WOMAN opens it and
peers out, not saying a word.

BARNUM
Good day, Madam. I am looking for a Mr.
Charles Sherwood Stratton.

WOMAN
Never heard of him.

She starts to close the door. He stops her.

BARNUM
That’s a funny thing to say about your
own son.

Her look confirms he’s right.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Please, ma’am. You have no idea what
I’ve gone through to find him. I have a
proposal that could change his life.

The woman, MRS. STRATTON, hesitates, not sure she understands
what he said. Finally, she pulls the door open.

44 INT. SMALL WOODEN CABIN - DAY 44

Barnum sits in the main room, waiting. After a moment,
CHARLES STRATTON enters the room. 25 inches, 20 pounds. He
is a boy, but the same chromosomal glitch that affects his
growth also makes him look like a much older man. His mother
turns away, clearly ashamed. But Barnum is delighted.

BARNUM
Hello. My name is Mr. P.T. Barnum.

Barnum stands, realizes he’s way too tall, sits back down.
Stratton stares at the floor, guarded, defensive, tense.

STRATTON
What you want with me?

BARNUM
I’m putting together a show. And I want
you to star in it.

A snort from Mrs. Stratton. Stratton looks up accusingly.
A lifetime of alienation and ridicule has made him scrappy.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 28.
44 CONTINUED: 44

STRATTON
Why? So people can laugh at me?

BARNUM
They’re laughing anyway, kid. You might
as well get paid.

They are shocked. No one’s ever spoken so bluntly to them.

MRS. STRATTON
Really, Mr. Barnum. You should be
ashamed.

BARNUM
I was, Mrs. Stratton. For a long time.
I was poor, and I was laughed at. I’ve
been called a fool many times...

STRATTON
Oh, please, you’re breaking my heart!

Barnum turns, facing down the tiny but glowering Stratton.

BARNUM
...But I don’t care about that anymore.

STRATTON
Good! Neither do I!

BARNUM
Because we all have just one life, Mr.
Stratton. One can wallow in self-pity...

STRATTON
Thank you, I will! Goodbye, Mr. Barnum!

Stratton exits, slamming the bedroom door. Barnum, it seems,
has failed. The mother gently ushers Barnum to the door.

MRS. STRATTON
Leave us alone. Please.

At the door, Barnum hesitates, noticing some TOY HORSES and
SOLDIERS on the window sill. He picks one up, turns. He
speaks out loud, conjuring a vision, selling a dream...

BARNUM
Here is what I see, Mr. Stratton -- a
soldier... Not just a soldier, a general!
On horseback! Riding across the stage!
With a sword, a gun! The most beautiful
uniform ever made!
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 29.
44 CONTINUED: (2) 44
BARNUM (CONT'D)
People will come from all over the world
to see him ride and shoot and be a
commander of men! I am creating a great *
spectacular, Mr. Stratton, and I want you *
to be my star!

Silence. The back door CREAKS open. Stratton peeks in.
Barnum can see him wavering. With fervent conviction:

BARNUM (CONT’D)
No one ever made a difference in this
world by being like everyone else. You
can come with me now, and live your
dreams. Or stay here with your self-pity,
and your mother.

Beat. The door opens fully. Stratton stands, unguarded and
vulnerable -- it’s like Barnum has looked into his soul.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
What do you say, Tom?

STRATTON
My name’s Charles.

BARNUM
(grins)
Not anymore.

45-46 OMITTED 45-46
Genres: ["Musical","Biographical","Drama"]

Summary In a bustling scene at Barnum's museum, Barnum and a cop execute a clever scheme involving firecrackers to attract a large crowd, resulting in a successful day of ticket sales. While Barnum celebrates with the cop, Charity expresses her concerns about his tactics. Inspired by the sold-out tickets, Barnum envisions transforming the museum into a dynamic show, eager to captivate audiences with a spectacular experience.
Strengths
  • Compelling character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Inspirational themes
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Slightly predictable character arcs

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, emotionally impactful, and sets the stage for the transformation of P.T. Barnum's vision into reality. It effectively conveys the themes of resilience, creativity, and the pursuit of dreams.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Barnum's realization that he needs to create a show with unique performers to captivate audiences is compelling and sets the stage for the development of 'The Greatest Showman.'

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Barnum recruits Charles Stratton and begins to shape his vision for the show, introducing conflict and setting the stage for the transformation of the characters and the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the historical figure of P.T. Barnum, portraying him as a charismatic showman with grand ambitions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic to the time period and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially P.T. Barnum and Charles Stratton, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their motivations, struggles, and growth throughout the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both P.T. Barnum and Charles Stratton undergo significant changes in this scene, with Barnum embracing his vision for the show and Stratton overcoming his initial reluctance to join.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal is to create a transformative experience for his audience and elevate his museum into something more than just a collection of oddities. He wants to inspire wonder and awe in people.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal is to increase ticket sales and make his museum more successful. He wants to draw in larger crowds and generate more revenue.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Barnum's vision for the show and the skepticism of others, as well as Charles Stratton's initial reluctance, adds tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and goals among the characters. Barnum faces resistance from his associates and ethical dilemmas that challenge his ambitions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Barnum risks his reputation and resources to create a show that defies societal norms and expectations, while Charles Stratton faces the opportunity to embrace his uniqueness and showcase his talents.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key characters, conflicts, and themes, setting the stage for the development of 'The Greatest Showman.'

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Barnum's interactions with the other characters. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how each conversation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethics of deception and exploitation in entertainment. Barnum's willingness to deceive his audience for profit clashes with the moral concerns of his associates.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of hope, determination, and inspiration, especially as Barnum convinces Charles Stratton to join his show, showcasing the power of belief and resilience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions, motivations, and conflicts of the characters, driving the scene forward and setting the stage for future developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic characters, witty dialogue, and high stakes. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in Barnum's journey and the outcome of his decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum, leading to a climactic moment of decision for Barnum. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to read and follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined beats and character arcs. It effectively sets up Barnum's internal and external goals, leading to a pivotal moment of decision.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of Barnum's unconventional marketing tactics, showcasing his willingness to bend the rules for success. However, the transition from the initial tension with the police to the celebratory atmosphere created by the firecrackers feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and the cop is playful and establishes their camaraderie, but it could benefit from more depth. Adding a line or two that hints at their shared history or previous schemes could strengthen their relationship and make the audience more invested in their partnership.
  • While the scene successfully conveys Barnum's excitement over ticket sales, it lacks a deeper emotional resonance. Charity's incredulity at Barnum's shamelessness is a good start, but exploring her internal conflict further could add layers to her character and highlight the moral ambiguity of Barnum's actions.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the moment when W.D. rallies the crowd could be expanded. This is a pivotal moment that showcases Barnum's influence and the excitement of the crowd, and it could be enhanced with more vivid descriptions of the crowd's reactions and the atmosphere.
  • The ending of the scene, where Barnum expresses his happiness over ticket sales, feels somewhat flat. It would be more impactful if it included a moment of reflection on the consequences of his actions or a hint of the challenges that lie ahead, setting up the stakes for future scenes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or doubt from Barnum before he lights the firecrackers, which could create tension and make his decision feel more significant.
  • Incorporate a line or two of dialogue between Barnum and the cop that reveals their past collaborations, adding depth to their relationship and making their partnership feel more established.
  • Explore Charity's internal conflict more deeply by having her voice concerns about the ethical implications of Barnum's actions, which could create a richer dynamic between them.
  • Expand W.D.'s rallying of the crowd with more descriptive language that captures the excitement and chaos of the moment, emphasizing the transformation from tension to celebration.
  • End the scene with a moment of reflection for Barnum, perhaps a line that hints at the potential fallout from his actions, to create a sense of foreboding and set up future conflicts.



Scene 11 -  Embracing the Spotlight
47 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT 47

CLOSE ON -- A giant poster on the marquee features a drawing
of Stratton, in a general’s uniform, riding a gigantic horse:
GRAND OPENING! TOM THUMB - THE SMALLEST GENERAL IN HISTORY!

CRANE DOWN to find a small CROWD, a few hundred customers,
filing down the sidewalk into the museum entrance.

48 EXT. BACK ALLEY - NIGHT 48

In a nearby back alley, Barnum stands with Tom, helping him
struggle into the jacket of a tiny military uniform.

TOM THUMB
This thing is itchy! Didn’t you say my
uniform would be nice?

BARNUM
For the audience! Not for you! Are
these enough medals for a general?



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 30.
48 CONTINUED: 48

TOM THUMB
How should I know? I’m eleven.

BARNUM
And that’s the last time you ever say
that. Because today you turn fifty-two.
Let me hear you say it. How old are you?

TOM THUMB
I’m fifty-two.

BARNUM
Right. Now do you need to use the
bathroom before you go on?

Tom shakes his head. Off screen, the CROWD ROARS at an pre-
opening act. Tom turns, nervous, starting to get cold feet.

TOM THUMB
This was a mistake. I can’t do this!

BARNUM
Sure you can! You have to!

TOM THUMB
(freaking out)
No, this is crazy! They’ll know I’m
faking! I’m not a General! Look at me!

Barnum crouches down, grabs him, looks him in the eye.

BARNUM
Listen to me... Listen! It doesn’t matter
where you’re from anymore! What matters
is where you’re going! You can choose
who you want to be! All of us can, don’t
you see?!!! When you ride out there on
that horse, you will be a solider! A
General! And you’re going to be the
tallest and bravest man in the room!
(beat)
Be proud of who you are, Charles.

TOM THUMB
Tom.

BARNUM
(hesitates; points at Tom) *
Exactly! *
(they share a grin) *
Come on, kid. What do you say we give
these people a show?



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 31.
48 CONTINUED: (2) 48

Tom looks at Barnum -- scared, but willing to try. They’re
jumping off this cliff together.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In a nighttime scene outside Barnum's Museum, a crowd eagerly awaits the grand opening featuring Tom Thumb as a general. Barnum helps Tom into an uncomfortable military uniform, addressing his fears about performing. Despite Tom's self-doubt and anxiety about being exposed as a fraud, Barnum encourages him to embrace his identity and role. Their interaction highlights a moment of camaraderie, with Barnum instilling confidence in Tom. The scene concludes with Tom, still apprehensive but determined, sharing a grin with Barnum as they prepare to entertain the audience.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Motivational dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and showcases strong character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of embracing one's identity and believing in oneself is central to the scene and is executed effectively.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Barnum helps Tom overcome his fears and prepares for the grand opening of the museum.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation where a character struggles with self-acceptance and identity in a performance setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Barnum and Tom Thumb are well-developed, with Barnum showing compassion and encouragement, while Tom demonstrates vulnerability and growth.

Character Changes: 8

Tom undergoes a significant change from doubt to confidence, guided by Barnum's encouragement.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to overcome his fear and insecurity about performing as a general in front of an audience. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and validation.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully perform as a general and entertain the audience. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing his fears and doubts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The internal conflict within Tom about his identity and abilities provides tension in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Tom faces internal doubts and external pressure to perform. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional stakes for Tom and Barnum are significant.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Barnum's dedication to his performers and the preparation for the museum's grand opening.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about Tom's decision to perform and his emotional state. The conflict and resolution are not immediately obvious.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between accepting oneself and trying to be someone else for the sake of entertainment. Barnum encourages Tom to embrace his role as a general, regardless of his physical appearance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of hope, empowerment, and self-discovery.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, especially Barnum's motivational speech to Tom, which drives the emotional core of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it builds tension and emotional stakes through the characters' interactions and internal struggles. The audience is invested in Tom's journey and the outcome of his performance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and excitement of the grand opening, showcasing Barnum's role as a supportive figure for Tom Thumb. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, while Barnum's encouragement is uplifting, it might be more impactful if he also acknowledges Tom's fears in a more nuanced way, perhaps by sharing a personal anecdote about overcoming his own insecurities.
  • The humor in Tom's discomfort with the uniform is a nice touch, but it could be enhanced by adding more physical comedy or visual gags. For example, showing the absurdity of the oversized medals or the struggle to fit into the uniform could create a more vivid and engaging moment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, especially as Barnum transitions from helping Tom with the uniform to delivering an inspiring speech. Slowing down the moment when Barnum crouches to speak to Tom could allow for a more intimate connection between the characters, emphasizing the importance of this moment for both of them.
  • The line 'What matters is where you’re going!' is a strong motivational statement, but it could be made even more powerful by tying it back to Barnum's own journey. A brief mention of his struggles or dreams could create a parallel between their experiences, reinforcing the theme of self-acceptance and ambition.
  • The scene ends on a hopeful note, but it could benefit from a stronger visual cue to signify the transition from fear to courage. Perhaps a close-up of Tom's face as he decides to go on could capture the moment of resolve more effectively, allowing the audience to feel his transformation.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more physical comedy related to Tom's uniform to enhance the humor and visual appeal of the scene.
  • Consider adding a personal anecdote from Barnum that relates to overcoming fear, which would deepen the emotional connection between him and Tom.
  • Slow down the pacing during the moment of Barnum's encouragement to allow for a more intimate exchange, emphasizing the significance of the moment.
  • Strengthen the motivational speech by connecting Barnum's words to his own journey, creating a parallel that reinforces the theme of self-acceptance.
  • Use a close-up shot of Tom's face at the end of the scene to capture his moment of resolve, providing a stronger visual cue for his transformation.



Scene 12 -  A Night of Spectacle and Scrutiny
49 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT 49

The audience is seated on benches now, right in the middle of
the main floor attractions. Anne, W.D., and other PERFORMERS
do a few acrobatic tricks. Barnum hasn’t worked it out yet,
but we can see the idea of the circus starting to take shape.

BARNUM
Ladies and gentlemen, cads and crooks!
For the first time ever in New York -- I
give you untamed creatures of the wild! *
The mayor has kindly sent his finest men *
to protect us, should one of you do
something to upset the animals --

He tips his hat to a few POLICEMAN. Then he nods to W.D.,
who stands in the back with a TRAINER and two BEARS.

W.D.
Go!

The trainer enters the performing circle, coaxing the bears,
who walk on hind legs, to YELLS OF DELIGHT from the crowd.
Helen sits on Caroline’s lap, laughing and applauding loudly. *
Barnum nods to W.D., who slides open a FREIGHT DOOR.

BARNUM
And now, for our final attraction -- *
They say good things come in small *
packages. Ladies and gentlemen -- the *
bravest, fiercest, wildest, most *
dangerous soldier who ever lived--...! *

The expectant crowd turns. There are GASPS as General Tom
Thumb rides out on a LITTLE PONY.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
-- please make way for General Tom Thumb!

The crowd roars as Tom Thumb rides his pony across the full
length of the museum, firing his gun. He seems transformed,
cocky and mischievous, and full of joy. As is the audience. *
Barnum, thrilled, takes a seat next to Charity. She smiles, *
taking in the laughter and delight around them. *

CHARITY
I don’t know what you were trying to do,
but I’m pretty sure you’re doing it. *

Barnum smiles at his wife, elated by the energy in the room.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 32.


50 INT. BARNUM ARMS - NIGHT 50 *

An after-show party. Tom Thumb entertains the others by
drinking from a bottle while balancing on W.D.’s out- *
stretched hand. Barnum plucks the bottle from his hand, *
replaces it with a glass of milk, to much LAUGHTER. *

Barnum, in high spirits, downs a drink at the bar with Anne, *
then turns to see SAM ROTH, a grumpy newspaperman who watches
the antics with opprobrium. Roth lifts his glass to Barnum.

ROTH
Impressive, Mr. Barnum.

BARNUM
Thank you, sir. And you are?

ROTH
Sam Roth.

BARNUM
From the Tribune! You got my letter! *
(claps his shoulder)
It’s an honor, sir! How much do I have *
to pay you to write a good review for us?

ROTH
I don’t know if you have that much money.

BARNUM
You might be surprised, Mr. Roth.

ROTH
Yes, well... No one ever went broke
underestimating the intelligence of the
American public. Your show is proof of *
that. Though even the public has it’s *
limits, I hope... *

Barnum is thrown by this.

BARNUM *
I think perhaps you missed the point --

ROTH
-- Really? Was there a subtext to the
prancing dwarf that went over my head?

BARNUM
You’re over-thinking it. We aim to show
people the wonders of the world...




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 33.
50 CONTINUED: 50

ROTH
Wonders? Is that what you call freaks
being paraded for entertainment?

BARNUM
Sir, the man you are calling a freak is *
my colleague, and my friend... *

ROTH
Oh, is that how you treat your friends?
Putting them on display for everyone to
gawk at? I hate to waste ink on this
atrocity, but I have a duty to warn the
public. And when I’m finished, I hope *
you will be finished as well. *

Roth finishes his drink and departs, leaving Barnum worried.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In this vibrant scene at Barnum's Museum, Barnum hosts an exhilarating show featuring acrobatic acts, bears, and the charming General Tom Thumb, who delights the audience while riding a pony. Amidst the joy shared with his wife, Charity, and the enthusiastic crowd, Barnum faces a critical challenge from newspaper reporter Sam Roth, who questions the morality of the spectacle. The scene captures the excitement of the performance contrasted with the tension of impending criticism, leaving Barnum concerned about the future of his venture.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come across as heavy-handed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the internal struggle of Barnum as he faces criticism for his show while also celebrating the success of his performances.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of balancing entertainment with ethical considerations is well-executed and drives the conflict in the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Barnum faces external criticism and internal doubts about his showmanship.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the entertainment industry of the time, with a focus on the ethical dilemmas faced by showmen like Barnum. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Barnum and the newspaperman, are well-developed and their conflicting viewpoints add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum experiences internal conflict and doubt, leading to a potential shift in his perspective on his showmanship.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal is to create a successful and captivating show that will entertain and amaze the audience. This reflects his desire for recognition, validation, and success in his career.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal is to impress the audience and receive positive reviews from critics like Sam Roth. This reflects his immediate challenge of gaining acceptance and approval from the public and media.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Barnum and the newspaperman is intense and drives the emotional stakes of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between Barnum and Roth adds complexity and conflict to the scene, creating uncertainty and raising the stakes for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Barnum's reputation and the future of his circus are on the line.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges and dilemmas faced by Barnum in his pursuit of success.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected confrontation between Barnum and Roth, leading to a shift in power dynamics and character motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict between Barnum's view of showcasing 'wonders of the world' and Roth's criticism of exploiting 'freaks' for entertainment. This challenges Barnum's beliefs about the purpose and value of his show.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is high as Barnum faces criticism and uncertainty about the future of his circus.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and disagreement between Barnum and the newspaperman.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic action, witty dialogue, and underlying tension between characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and emotional stakes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and character interactions that maintain the audience's interest and build tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a historical drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the excitement and energy of Barnum's museum opening, showcasing the transformation of the venue into a lively circus atmosphere. The introduction of General Tom Thumb is a strong moment, as it highlights both the spectacle of the show and the character's personal journey. However, the dialogue between Barnum and Roth feels somewhat heavy-handed and could benefit from more subtlety. Roth's criticisms come off as overly cynical without enough nuance, which may detract from the complexity of the themes being explored.
  • The contrast between the joyous atmosphere of the performance and Roth's critical perspective is a compelling dynamic, but it could be enhanced by giving Roth a more relatable motivation for his disdain. As it stands, he feels like a caricature of a grumpy critic rather than a fully realized character. This could lead to a more engaging conflict between Barnum's vision and the societal perceptions of his show.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the lively performance to the more serious conversation with Roth could be smoother. The abrupt shift in tone might confuse the audience, so incorporating a moment that bridges the two would help maintain the emotional flow.
  • While the humor in the scene is effective, particularly with Tom Thumb's antics, it might be beneficial to explore deeper emotional stakes for Barnum. His elation at the performance could be contrasted with a moment of vulnerability or doubt, especially in light of Roth's harsh critique. This would add depth to Barnum's character and make his triumphs feel more earned.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Barnum after the performance, where he acknowledges the risks he has taken and the potential for failure, which would heighten the stakes of Roth's criticism.
  • Enhance Roth's character by providing a backstory or motivation for his harsh critique. Perhaps he has a personal connection to the circus world or a past experience that informs his perspective, making his criticisms more grounded.
  • Smooth the transition between the celebratory atmosphere of the performance and the serious conversation with Roth by incorporating a moment where Barnum interacts with the audience or performers, showcasing the joy before facing the critique.
  • Explore the emotional dynamics between Barnum and Charity further. A shared moment of pride or concern could deepen their relationship and provide a counterpoint to Roth's negativity, reinforcing the theme of acceptance and celebration of uniqueness.



Scene 13 -  Turning Criticism into Opportunity
51 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY 51

Morning. Barnum, Charity, W.D., Anne, and Tom sit at a table *
by the stage, as Charity finishes reading Roth’s review. *

CHARITY
”...insulting, degrading, and perhaps
just shy of criminal, P.T. Barnum’s show
is the singularly most unpleasant evening
I have spent in years, calling to mind
the most primitive aspects of the Roman
Circuses of yore.”

She stops -- it’s too painful to go on. Uneasy silence.
Barnum takes the review and scans it, thinking fiercely.

CHARITY (CONT’D)
Phin... I’m so sorry.

Barnum looks up -- eyes shining, seemingly elated.

BARNUM
It’s fantastic.

He leaps up, rips out the review and hands it to W.D.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Go to the Tribune and buy a half-page ad.
Tell them to reprint the entire review,
word for word.

Everyone is stunned. This is borderline insanity.

CHARITY
He called you The Prince Of Humbug.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 34.
51 CONTINUED: 51

BARNUM
Humbug is merely the time-honored use of
hyperbole to create excitement and joy.

CHARITY
Humbug is a lie, dear.

BARNUM
What’s important is: we made page one.
(to W.D.)
And tell them I’ll give half-price
tickets to anyone who brings in a review.
(off their looks)
When other papers see people rushing to
buy the Tribune, they’ll review us too.

W.D. starts for the door, then turns back to Barnum.

W.D.
You sure, Mr. B.? The whole city will
read this by dinner time.

Barnum, hesitates, doubting his bravado for a second. *
Charity, clocking it, comes to his rescue.

CHARITY
Of course he’s sure. He was born sure.

W.D. nods and leaves. Barnum smiles at his wife.

EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY (WEEKS LATER) *

The line outside the museum is now three times longer. We are *
FOLLOWING a WOMAN who pushes her way thru the crowd, her face *
UNSEEN by us. People react as she passes. As she approaches *
W.D. in the box office window, he looks up. His jaw drops. *

ANGLE -- LETTIE LUTZ, mid-30s, has dark hair, strong pleasant
features, and a FULL BEARD. She smiles.

LETTIE
I’d like to see Mr. Barnum.

INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM, BACKSTAGE - DAY

W.D. leads Lettie in. Barnum is busy helping O’CLANCY, the
Irish Giant, onto stilts. Humbug -- behind the scenes. *

Nearby, Tom Thumbs sits, strumming on a ukulele, while an
enormously fat man, the LORD OF LEEDS, plucks out a simple
tune on a banjo (the melody to COME ALIVE). Opposite Barnum,
TWO MEN sit on a sofa, their backs to us. In the background,
acrobats and jugglers casually practice their routines.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 35.
CONTINUED:

W.D.
Excuse me, P.T., this lady --

She barrels forward.

LETTIE
Lettie Lutz. Nice to meet you. Let me
get to the point, Mr. Barnum. I’ve never *
been one for self-pity or embarrassment.
So when I read in the paper about folks *
paying good money to see a short man, a
tall man and a fat man, I thought -- Why *
should they be the only ones making out?
Heck, I’m as weird as any of ‘em.

Barnum stands, clearly charmed.

BARNUM
Weird isn’t the word I’d use, Miss Lutz.
More like rare, blessed... Beautiful.

Lettie beams, no one has ever spoken to her like this.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Allow me to introduce you. O’Clancy, the
Irish Giant. Nine feet tall...!

O’CLANCY
...With two feet of help.

BARNUM
The famous Tom Thumb. Our biggest star,
the Lord of Leeds. And my new friends.
Chang, and Eng. Of Siam.

Smiles and greetings. The seated men stand and turn. Meet
CHANG and ENG, the legendary Siamese twins, 40. Each bows
and extends a courtly hand. Lettie lets out a laugh, takes
both their hands. This place already feels like home.

LETTIE
Oh fellas... I think you got me beat.

MUSIC starts under... *

POSTER MONTAGE *

QUICK CUTS -- Posters are rolled up on the side of the Museum *
advertising the wondrous attractions inside with Barnum hype: *

-- “TALLEST MAN ALIVE! O’CLANCY, THE IRISH GIANT!” *
-- “LETTIE LUTZ! AMERICA’S BEARDED WOMAN!” *
-- “THE LORD OF LEEDS! HEAVIEST MAN ON EARTH!” *
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 36.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama","Biography"]

Summary In this scene, Barnum and his team react to a harsh review of his show, which Charity reads aloud. Initially disheartened, Barnum quickly sees the review as a chance for publicity and instructs W.D. to buy an ad to reprint it, while offering half-price tickets for those who bring in reviews. Weeks later, a long line forms outside the museum, signaling increased interest, and Lettie Lutz, a bearded woman, arrives to express her desire to join Barnum's show.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Innovative concept
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may feel slightly contrived or idealized

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, emotionally resonant, and sets up important developments for the story. It effectively conveys the themes of perseverance and creativity.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using criticism to generate buzz and introduce new acts is innovative and drives the plot forward. It also reinforces the theme of embracing diversity.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of Lettie Lutz and other new characters, setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as Lettie Lutz, the bearded woman, and Barnum's bold marketing strategy. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Barnum and Lettie Lutz, are well-developed and show growth and resilience in the face of challenges.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum shows growth in his response to criticism, turning a negative review into a marketing opportunity. Lettie Lutz also experiences a shift in perception from self-doubt to acceptance.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself and his show to his critics and the public. He wants to show that he can turn a negative situation into a positive one.

External Goal: 9

Barnum's external goal is to increase ticket sales and attract more attention to his show by using the negative review to his advantage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from external criticism and the need to attract audiences to the museum.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters questioning Barnum's risky decision and potential consequences.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Barnum's reputation and the success of his museum are on the line, but there is also a sense of hope and opportunity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new characters, setting up conflicts, and showcasing Barnum's innovative approach to challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of Barnum's unexpected decision to use a negative review to his advantage.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of truth versus perception. Charity sees 'humbug' as a lie, while Barnum sees it as a tool for creating excitement and joy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from empathy for the characters facing criticism to admiration for their resilience and creativity.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, showcasing Barnum's charisma and determination, as well as Lettie Lutz's strength and vulnerability.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dramatic tension, witty dialogue, and bold character choices.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Barnum's optimistic vision and the harsh criticism from Roth. However, the transition from the painful reading of the review to Barnum's elation feels abrupt. It would benefit from a more gradual shift in Barnum's emotional state to enhance the impact of his reaction.
  • Charity's character is well-established as a moral compass, but her dialogue could be more nuanced. Instead of simply stating that 'humbug is a lie,' she could express her concerns in a way that reflects her love for Barnum while also highlighting her disapproval of his methods. This would add depth to their relationship.
  • The dialogue is engaging, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Barnum's explanation of 'humbug.' Instead of directly defining it, consider showing its implications through actions or reactions from the other characters, which would allow the audience to infer its meaning.
  • The introduction of Lettie Lutz is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about her character before she enters. A brief visual or auditory cue that hints at her uniqueness could create anticipation for her entrance and make her introduction more impactful.
  • The montage of posters at the end is a nice visual touch, but it could be more integrated into the narrative. Consider having Barnum or another character comment on the posters as they are being displayed, which would create a smoother transition and reinforce the excitement of the new attractions.
Suggestions
  • Add a moment of internal conflict for Barnum after reading the review, perhaps showing him wrestling with doubt before he decides to embrace the criticism as a marketing opportunity.
  • Revise Charity's dialogue to reflect a more complex emotional response, perhaps by including a personal anecdote or a metaphor that illustrates her feelings about the review and Barnum's ambitions.
  • Consider using subtext in Barnum's dialogue about 'humbug' to convey his passion without explicitly defining it. This could create a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Introduce Lettie Lutz with a brief visual or auditory cue that hints at her uniqueness, such as a glimpse of her in the crowd or a sound that draws attention to her before she speaks.
  • Incorporate a brief interaction or commentary from Barnum or W.D. regarding the posters during the montage, which would help tie the visual elements back to the characters and the story.



Scene 14 -  The Birth of the Circus: Embracing Uniqueness
54 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY 54

The line is now around the block. W.D. supervises more TICKET *
TAKERS. A sign: “BY POPULAR DEMAND, SECOND SHOW TONIGHT.” *

As CUSTOMERS move quietly through the doors, there’s more a *
sense of drudgery than excitement -- people with hard lives. *
Barnum walks down the line, eyeing the Customers in line. *

BARNUM
I STUMBLED THROUGH MY DAYS
HAD MY HEAD HUNG LOW
MY SKY A SHADE OF GRAY
WAS TOLD TO HIDE AWAY

55 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - EVENING 55

Barnum walks “backstage,” singing as he passes all of the
performers preparing to go on; Chang and Eng dressing
together, Anne stretching, Lettie combing her beard. He *
stops by each one -- helping them get ready for the show, *
trading grins and supportive smiles, keeping everyone happy. *

BARNUM
STAYIN' LOCKED INSIDE
AND MADE TO FEEL ASHAMED
SOMEONE WHO HAD BEEN FORGOTTEN
TOLD IT WAS MY ONLY OPTION

BUT THEN I FLICKED A SWITCH AND
BRIGHTENED UP THAT DARKEST DAY
SUN IS UP, NOW THE COLOR'S BLINDIN'
TAKE A WORLD AND REDEFINE IT
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE, IT'S TIME TO LET 'EM SEE

56 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT 56

The cavernous first floor has been transformed, dominated by
a circle of tiered BLEACHERS surrounding a massive STAGE.
Barnum stands alone, singing to the crowd, illuminated by a *
carbon lamp and candle footlights.

BARNUM
COME ALIVE
COME ALIVE
GO AND LIGHT YOUR LIGHT
LET IT BURN SO BRIGHT

REACHIN' UP
TO THE SKY
AND IT'S OPEN WIDE
YOU'RE ELECTRIFIED
AND THE WORLD BECOMES A FANTASY *
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 37.
56 CONTINUED: 56
BARNUM (CONT'D)
AND YOU'RE MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER BE
'CAUSE YOU'RE DREAMIN' WITH YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN
AND WE KNOW WE CAN'T GO BACK AGAIN
TO THE WORLD THAT WE WERE LIVIN' IN
'CAUSE WE'RE DREAMIN' WITH OUR EYES WIDE OPEN
SO COME ALIVE!

In the wings, Lettie stands in a sequined gown, suddenly
unsure of herself. She makes eye contact with Barnum, who
offers a warm, reassuring smile. She will be safe here. He
gestures to the stage. She smiles, and steps into the light.

Then Barnum encourages a PARADE of ODDITIES to take the
stage. Those who were once hidden in the shadows now step *
into the spotlight, and feel accepted for the first time.

O'CLANCY
YOU STEP OUTTA THE DARK

LETTIE
CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR EYES
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IS REAL

TOM THUMB
NOW THEY'RE SEEIN' WHO YOU ARE

CHANG AND ENG
AND ALL YOU FEARED JUST FADES AWAY
YOU GOT A WHOLE NEW THING TO FEEL

LORD OF LEEDS
NEVER BEEN APPRECIATED
WONDERED WHY YOU'D BEEN CREATED
BUT NOW THEY'RE FLIPPIN', FALLIN', HEAR
'EM CALLIN' OUT YOUR NAME

LETTIE/W.D.
A LITTLE BIT OF LIGHTNIN' STRIKIN'
BOTTLED UP TO KEEP ON SHININ'

BARNUM
YOU CAN TRY, YOU CAN'T DENY
YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME

ALL
COME ALIVE
COME ALIVE
GO AND LIGHT YOUR LIGHT
LET IT BURN SO BRIGHT
REACHIN' UP
TO THE SKY
AND IT'S OPEN WIDE
YOU'RE ELECTRIFIED


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 38.
56 CONTINUED: (2) 56

People gasp as they suddenly see Anne circling in a wide arc
above their heads. Children point and laugh as circus
performers tumble into each other on the stage. Then a
massive LION enters, led by a colorfully dressed LION TAMER.
It is a show of astonishments, almost too much to take in.

In the wings, Barnum helps Tom Thumb onto his pony, readying *
him for his big entrance. Then Barnum turns. Eunice the *
elephant is there, towering over them. Barnum turns back, *
looks at Tom thumb. They make eye contact. Uh oh. *

JUMP TO: Eunice the elephant enters the ring, with Tom Thumb *
riding on top, causing the place to explode. We realize we *
are watching the birth of the circus as we know it.

57 OMITTED 57 *
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary The scene unfolds outside Barnum's Museum, where a long line of customers reflects their struggles. Barnum walks through the line, singing about overcoming adversity and finding joy. Inside, he supports performers like Lettie and Tom Thumb, helping them prepare for the show. As the performance begins, Barnum encourages the performers to embrace their uniqueness, culminating in a spectacular entrance with Tom Thumb riding Eunice the elephant. This moment marks a pivotal celebration of individuality and the birth of the circus.
Strengths
  • Strong thematic elements of acceptance and empowerment
  • Visually captivating performances and imagery
  • Emotionally resonant storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on individual character development
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, visually stunning, and emotionally impactful, effectively conveying themes of acceptance, empowerment, and the pursuit of dreams.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of transforming outcasts into celebrated performers and creating a sense of belonging through a circus is innovative and compelling. It effectively conveys themes of acceptance, empowerment, and self-expression.

Plot: 8

The plot effectively showcases the birth of the circus and the challenges faced by Barnum in bringing together a diverse group of performers. It sets the stage for future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the circus setting, focusing on inclusivity and empowerment rather than spectacle alone. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Barnum and the performers, are well-developed and contribute to the overall theme of acceptance and empowerment. Their interactions and growth add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters, especially the performers, undergo a transformation from feeling marginalized to being celebrated and accepted. This change is crucial for the overall theme of the scene.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to empower and uplift the performers, giving them a sense of belonging and acceptance. This reflects Barnum's desire to create a world where everyone can shine and be themselves.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to put on a successful show and establish the circus as a place of wonder and entertainment. This reflects the immediate challenge of captivating the audience and showcasing the talents of the performers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some conflict between Barnum and the performers, the overall tone of the scene is more about unity and celebration. The conflict adds depth but does not overshadow the themes of acceptance and empowerment.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, represented by Eunice the elephant's unexpected entrance, adds a sense of challenge and unpredictability, keeping the audience engaged and unsure of how the performance will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Barnum as he risks everything to create a successful circus and provide a platform for marginalized individuals. The scene highlights the importance of acceptance and empowerment.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the successful opening of Barnum's circus and setting the stage for future developments and conflicts. It establishes key relationships and dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected moments, such as Eunice the elephant's entrance, adding excitement and surprise to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around societal norms and acceptance of diversity. It challenges the protagonist's belief in redefining beauty and worth beyond traditional standards.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of joy, empowerment, and hope, especially as the marginalized performers find acceptance and recognition. It resonates with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is uplifting and serves to convey the emotions and motivations of the characters. It effectively enhances the themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the magical world of the circus, with dynamic performances, emotional moments, and a sense of wonder and transformation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and excitement as the circus performance unfolds, with moments of reflection and character interaction interspersed effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a musical screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format that builds tension and excitement, leading to the climax of the circus performance. It effectively transitions between different moments and characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the transformation of Barnum's museum into a vibrant circus, showcasing the excitement and energy of the performers and the audience. However, the transition from the line of customers to the backstage preparations could benefit from a more seamless flow to maintain the momentum.
  • The lyrics of Barnum's song are uplifting and resonate with the theme of self-acceptance and embracing one's identity. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, phrases like 'I stumbled through my days' could be more vivid or specific to enhance emotional connection.
  • While the camaraderie between Barnum and the performers is well-established, the scene could delve deeper into the individual struggles of the performers. This would create a stronger emotional arc and allow the audience to connect more with their journeys.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of performers stepping into the spotlight. However, the scene could benefit from more specific descriptions of the performers' actions and expressions to enhance the visual storytelling.
  • The introduction of the lion and the chaotic energy of the performance are exciting, but the pacing could be adjusted to allow for moments of awe and surprise. This would help build anticipation and make the audience feel the spectacle more profoundly.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Barnum before he begins singing, allowing him to acknowledge the hard lives of the customers in line. This could deepen the emotional resonance of his subsequent lyrics.
  • Revise some of the song lyrics for brevity and impact. Focus on strong imagery and emotional language that can evoke a more visceral response from the audience.
  • Incorporate small, character-driven moments during the backstage preparations that highlight the unique personalities and struggles of the performers. This could include brief exchanges or visual cues that showcase their excitement or anxiety.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the performers' actions and expressions, particularly during the song and the parade of oddities. This will help the audience visualize the scene more vividly and feel the energy of the performance.
  • Adjust the pacing of the performance sequence to include pauses for audience reactions, allowing the spectacle to breathe and giving the audience time to absorb the wonder of the circus.



Scene 15 -  The Prince of Humbug
58 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY 58 *

Barnum watches the Oddities lined up to take a bow. Lettie
comes and pulls him from the wings out onto the stage. She
places a tin CROWN on his head. It reads: “PRINCE OF HUMBUG.”
Barnum plays to the joke, proudly strutting across the stage.
In the audience, Helen shouts out to Charity and Caroline.

HELEN
What’s humbug?

CHARITY
They say it’s fakery. Trickery. Flim- *
flam.

CAROLINE
No! It’s magic! *

The whole circus unites behind the smiling, tin-crowned *
Barnum. It is a joyous, exuberant moment. *

ALL *
AND THE WORLD BECOMES A FANTASY *
AND YOU'RE MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER BE *
'CAUSE YOU'RE DREAMIN' WITH YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN *
AND WE KNOW WE CAN'T GO BACK AGAIN *
TO THE WORLD THAT WE WERE LIVIN' IN *
'CAUSE WE'RE DREAMIN' WITH OUR EYES WIDE OPEN *
SO COME ALIVE! *

ODDITIES *
COME ONE, COME ALL *
Come IN, COME ON! *

BARNUM *
TO ANYONE WHO'S SEARCHING FOR A WAY TO BREAK FREE *
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 39.


59 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT 59 *

People spill out in the street after a show -- elated, abuzz *
with delight, and transformed by the experience. They are *
literally grabbing their friends and pulling them toward the
box office -- you gotta see this! Hawkers sell merchandise -- *
children buy Tom Thumb DOLLS, Eunice the Elephant LOLLIPOPS. *

Barnum surveys the people as they exit. He sees Sam Roth
skulking in the alley and flashes a triumphant smile at him.

ROTH
Tell me, Barnum. Does it bother you that
what you’re selling is fake?

Barnum steps onto the sidewalk. Roth steps out as well now,
so the two men are facing off just a few feet apart.

BARNUM
Do those smiles seem fake? Or the
applause? It doesn’t matter where it
comes from. The joy is real.

ROTH
So now you’re a philanthropist?

BARNUM
I’m an entertainer.

ROTH
The prince of Humbug.

BARNUM
Hyperbole isn’t the worst crime, Mr.
Roth. Men suffer more from imagining too
little than too much.

ROTH
Ah -- the creed of a true fraud.

BARNUM
There’s nothing sadder than a cynic,
except perhaps a cynic with a pen.

ROTH
A philosopher too! Please, sir, don’t
add pretension to your list of sins.

BARNUM
Mr. Roth -- when is the last time you
smiled? Or had a good laugh? A real one?

The simplicity of the question silences Roth. Barnum smiles.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 40.
59 CONTINUED: 59

BARNUM (CONT’D)
A joyless reporter covering the theater.
Now who’s the fraud?

Roth waves him off and starts to leave. Barnum stops him.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
By the way, Roth, That word you used to
describe my show --

Barnum points to the marquee. ‘AMERICAN MUSEUM’ has been
painted over. The new sign reads: ‘P.T. BARNUM’S CIRCUS.’

BARNUM (CONT’D)
It has a nice ring to it.

Roth lets out a snort, leaves. Barnum steps into the middle
of the street and calls after him defiantly.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
I’m still here, Roth! I’m still here!
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In this vibrant scene, Barnum is crowned the 'Prince of Humbug' by Lettie, celebrating the joy his show brings to the audience. As the performers sing about dreams and freedom, a debate arises among the audience about the meaning of 'humbug.' After the show, Barnum confronts Sam Roth, who questions the authenticity of his entertainment, leading to a philosophical clash about joy versus cynicism. Barnum defends the genuine happiness his show provides, despite Roth's skepticism, ending with a triumphant assertion of his success.
Strengths
  • Strong thematic elements
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly cliched or predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, emotionally resonant, and sets up a significant turning point for Barnum's character and his circus venture.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using criticism as a springboard for success, the power of joy and authenticity in entertainment, and the clash between cynicism and imagination are well-developed and impactful.

Plot: 8

The plot advances with Barnum's response to criticism, the transformation of his museum into a circus, and the establishment of his new identity as 'P.T. Barnum's Circus.'

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of entertainment and showmanship, with a focus on the protagonist's defense of his art. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Barnum's resilience, creativity, and defiance are well portrayed, along with the skepticism of characters like Sam Roth. The scene also highlights the unity and support among the circus performers.

Character Changes: 8

Barnum undergoes a significant transformation from facing criticism to embracing his new identity as the 'Prince of Humbug,' showcasing growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to defend his showmanship and entertainment value against accusations of fakery and fraud. This reflects his deeper desire to bring joy and happiness to people through his performances.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to assert his identity as an entertainer and showman, despite criticism and skepticism from others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Barnum and Roth, as well as the internal conflict of proving himself in the face of criticism, adds tension and depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and beliefs between the characters. The audience is left wondering how the confrontation will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Barnum faces skepticism, criticism, and the need to prove himself in the entertainment industry.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by establishing Barnum's response to criticism, the evolution of his circus venture, and the development of his character.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the idea of entertainment and showmanship versus cynicism and skepticism. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the power of joy and imagination.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes joy, defiance, and reflection, engaging the audience emotionally and setting up a poignant moment of triumph for Barnum.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Barnum's wit, determination, and ability to challenge cynicism. The exchange between Barnum and Roth is particularly impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dramatic confrontation, witty dialogue, and sense of triumph and defiance. The characters' actions and motivations are clear and compelling.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and drama, leading to a satisfying resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, confrontation, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the celebratory atmosphere of Barnum's success, showcasing the joy and excitement of the audience and performers. However, the transition from the exuberant performance to the confrontation with Roth feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and Roth is engaging and highlights the philosophical conflict between optimism and cynicism. However, Roth's character could benefit from more depth. Currently, he serves primarily as an antagonist without a clear motivation beyond skepticism. Adding layers to his character could create a more compelling dynamic.
  • Barnum's assertion that joy is real despite the 'humbug' is a strong thematic statement, but it could be further emphasized through visual storytelling. For instance, showing the audience's reactions in more detail could reinforce the impact of Barnum's words and the authenticity of their joy.
  • The use of the tin crown as a symbol of Barnum's title, 'Prince of Humbug,' is clever and adds a layer of irony. However, the scene could explore the emotional weight of this title more deeply. How does Barnum feel about being labeled a fraud? This internal conflict could add depth to his character and make the audience empathize with him more.
  • The ending, where Barnum defiantly calls out to Roth, is a strong moment of resilience. However, it might benefit from a more nuanced emotional response. Instead of just defiance, consider incorporating a moment of vulnerability or reflection that shows Barnum's awareness of the challenges he faces, making his triumph feel more earned.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Barnum after the performance before he confronts Roth. This could help bridge the celebratory tone with the ensuing conflict.
  • Develop Roth's character further by providing a glimpse into his motivations or backstory. Perhaps he has a personal reason for his cynicism that could be revealed through dialogue or a flashback.
  • Incorporate more visual elements that showcase the audience's joy, such as close-ups of their faces, laughter, and applause, to reinforce Barnum's argument about the authenticity of their experience.
  • Explore Barnum's feelings about the title 'Prince of Humbug' more deeply. A moment of introspection could add complexity to his character and highlight the internal struggle between his ambition and the perception of his work.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of the final confrontation with Roth by allowing Barnum to express a moment of vulnerability, perhaps reflecting on the sacrifices he has made for his dreams before asserting his defiance.



Scene 16 -  A Dream Realized
60 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY (ANOTHER DAY) 60

The grand finale, every act on stage. Barnum beams as he *
takes in the delirium in the audience, feeling as much at *
home with the Oddities as he has felt anywhere in his life.

ALL
BREAK FREE! BREAK FREE!
AND THE WORLD BECOMES A FANTASY
AND YOU'RE MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER BE
'CAUSE YOU'RE DREAMIN' WITH YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN
AND WE KNOW WE CAN'T GO BACK AGAIN
TO THE WORLD THAT WE WERE LIVIN' IN
'CAUSE WE'RE DREAMIN' WITH OUR EYES WIDE OPEN

BARNUM/LETTIE ALL (CONT'D)
COME ALIVE AND THE WORLD BECOMES A
COME ALIVE FANTASY
COME ALIVE AND YOU'RE MORE THAN YOU
COME ALIVE COULD EVER BE
'CAUSE WE'RE DREAMIN' WITH
OUR EYES WIDE OPEN
AND WE KNOW WE CAN'T GO BACK
AGAIN
TO THE WORLD THAT WE WERE
LIVIN' IN

ALL (CONT’D)
'CAUSE WE'RE DREAMIN' WITH OUR EYES WIDE OPEN
'CAUSE WE'RE DREAMIN' WITH OUR EYES WIDE OPEN
SO COME ALIVE!


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 41.
60 CONTINUED: 60

END SONG.

Over the sounds of enthusiastic APPLAUSE we CUT TO:

62 EXT. STREET - BETHEL, CT. - DAY 62

A beautiful tree-lined street. Barnum steps out of a ZEBRA-
DRAWN CARRIAGE, then helps a blindfolded Charity out. Helen
and Caroline jump out after them. Time has passed -- they are
all better-dressed and more polished than they used to be.

BARNUM
Right this way, m’lady.

CHARITY
I’m going to break my neck.

Barnum removes the scarf. Charity is stunned to see the same
MANSION that she and Barnum broke into as children.

CHARITY (CONT’D)
This is the same--...?!

BARNUM
It is.

In the gated backyard, there is an actual GIRAFFE grazing!

CHARITY
Oh, Phin. Can we afford this?

BARNUM
Of course. And even if we couldn’t, it’s
an investment. Land is the one thing
they’re not making any more of.
(to Helen)
I think there’s something on the porch
for you.

Helen looks and sees a GIANT WOODEN DOLLHOUSE on the porch.
She shrieks happily and runs up to claim it. They come up
the stairs behind her. Barnum opens the door. He grabs a
small WHITE BOX from the foyer, turns to Caroline.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Something for you too.

She opens the box and pulls out a PAIR OF BALLET SLIPPERS.
She looks up at him -- it’s what she’s always wanted.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
And, funny enough, there’s a ballet
school just down the street.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 42.
62 CONTINUED: 62

Caroline jumps for joy and kisses him, then runs to catch up
to Helen, who’s already inside the house and headed upstairs.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Your parents still live nearby, don’t
they?

CHARITY
Phin. If I didn’t know you better, I
might wonder if you bought this house to
rub my parents’ noses in your success.

BARNUM
OUR success. And of course not. It’s
true that I’ve accomplished everything
your father said I never would --

CHARITY
Yes... But you know, to them, house or no
house, you’ll always be a bum from the
south side.

BARNUM
Yes, but now I’m a bum with a huge house
they have to walk past every Sunday.

She laughs. He sweeps her up in his arms and carries her up
the steps and across the threshold.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this vibrant scene, Barnum's museum hosts a grand finale performance where he and the Oddities celebrate dreams and freedom through song. Following the performance, Barnum surprises Charity and their daughters with a newly purchased mansion, reminiscent of their childhood. While Charity expresses concern about their finances, Barnum reassures her, presenting gifts that bring joy to their daughters. The scene culminates with Barnum carrying Charity across the threshold of their new home, symbolizing a fresh start for their family.
Strengths
  • Emotional resonance
  • Character development
  • Musical elements
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict
  • Predictable resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively captures the emotional payoff of Barnum's journey, delivering a heartwarming and uplifting moment that resonates with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of realizing dreams, celebrating individuality, and finding happiness in unexpected places is well-executed and drives the scene's emotional impact.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses smoothly, culminating in a satisfying resolution that ties together Barnum's aspirations, his relationships, and the success of his circus venture.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on success and family dynamics, blending elements of fantasy and reality to create a compelling narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Barnum and Charity, show growth, resilience, and love, adding depth and emotional resonance to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Barnum undergoes significant growth and transformation, realizing his dreams and finding happiness, while Charity supports him and experiences fulfillment as well.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal is to provide a better life for his family and prove his worth to Charity's parents.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal is to showcase his success and wealth to Charity's parents.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there are minor conflicts and tensions, the scene primarily focuses on resolution, fulfillment, and celebration, reducing the overall conflict level.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is relatively mild, focusing more on internal conflicts and emotional dynamics rather than external obstacles.

High Stakes: 6

While there are stakes involved in Barnum's success and relationships, the scene focuses more on resolution and celebration, reducing the intensity of the stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively concludes Barnum's journey, setting the stage for new beginnings and future adventures, moving the story forward with a sense of closure and possibility.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its outcome, focusing more on emotional payoff and character growth rather than plot twists.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The scene presents a conflict between Barnum's humble origins and his current success, challenging societal perceptions of class and success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of joy, hope, and fulfillment, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, aspirations, and relationships, enhancing the scene's sentiment and themes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional resonance, character development, and thematic depth, drawing the audience into Barnum's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, leading to a satisfying resolution and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the story.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning smoothly between the museum performance and the surprise reveal of the mansion, maintaining coherence and pacing.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a celebratory moment for Barnum and his family, showcasing his success and the joy of his accomplishments. However, the transition from the high-energy performance to the quieter family moment could be smoother. The abrupt cut from the applause to the serene street scene may disorient the audience, as it shifts from a vibrant atmosphere to a more intimate one.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and Charity is playful and reveals their dynamic, but it could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. While the humor is present, exploring Charity's feelings about their past and present could add layers to their relationship, making the moment more impactful.
  • The introduction of the giraffe and the gifts for the children adds a whimsical touch, but it feels slightly disconnected from the emotional core of the scene. The gifts could symbolize more than just material success; they could represent Barnum's desire to provide a better life for his family, which could be emphasized in the dialogue.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. Charity's initial surprise at the mansion could lead to a more profound reflection on their journey together, allowing for a moment of vulnerability that contrasts with Barnum's bravado.
  • The scene ends on a light note with Barnum carrying Charity, which is charming, but it might be more effective to leave the audience with a sense of reflection on their journey rather than just humor. A line that encapsulates their growth or future aspirations could provide a stronger conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Barnum as he steps out of the carriage, allowing him to acknowledge the significance of the mansion and what it represents for him and Charity.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Barnum and Charity to explore their feelings about their past struggles and current success, perhaps by having Charity express a mix of pride and concern about their new life.
  • Incorporate a moment where Barnum shares his thoughts on the gifts he has chosen for their daughters, emphasizing his desire to create a nurturing environment for them, which could deepen the emotional impact.
  • Smooth the transition between the performance and the family scene by including a brief moment of silence or a lingering shot of the audience's applause before cutting to the street, allowing the audience to absorb the joy of the performance.
  • End the scene with a line that hints at future challenges or aspirations, reinforcing the theme of resilience and growth, rather than concluding solely with humor.



Scene 17 -  Dreams and Disdain
63 INT. BARNUM MANSION - CONTINUOUS 63

CHARITY
It’s beautiful!

She runs upstairs to look around. Barnum stands at the foot
of the stairs watching happily as the members of his family
appear and disappear from rooms. Finally Charity slides down
the banister -- a little circus in her -- and lands in *
Barnum’s arms. They do a little dance around the room. *

BARNUM
It took twenty years longer than I
planned, but... Welcome home, Charity.

He dips her back. They kiss. Brings her up again. *

CHARITY
And the giraffe is not staying.

BARNUM
Right. *
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 43.


64 INT. BARNUM MANSION - FORYER - ANOTHER DAY 64

Caroline sits at the foot of the stairs, putting on her
ballet shoes. She practices a few motions - she has clearly
already begun her classes.

MUSIC: Orchestral version of “A Million Dreams.”

Caroline dances around the foyer, confidence growing. She
disappears around the staircase and when she emerges she is
TWO YEARS OLDER, dressed in a tutu.

65 The lights go down - she is lit by a single spotlight as she 65
dances with skill and maturity. We are no longer in Barnum’s
mansion, but on a dark stage. As Caroline finishes her
dance, she is joined by six other ballerinas. They bow to a
round of applause. We DISSOLVE TO:

66 INT. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART - LOBBY - NIGHT (LATER) 66

A reception for students and parents, where the upper crust
gather to turn their daughters into swans. Barnum and Charity
stroll among the other guests. He is upbeat, ebullient.

BARNUM
Remember when we couldn’t afford ballet
slippers? And now -- look at this.

Barnum tips his hat to another couple, MR. and MRS. WINTHROP.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Winthrop!
Lovely recital, don’t you think?

They barely nod to him as they pass. Charity shakes her head.

CHARITY
Why do you still bother?

BARNUM
I know I shouldn’t. I just love the look
on their faces when I do.

He watches the Winthrops go join a small crowd encircling a
handsome, jaded young man, PHILLIP CARLYLE. Barnum frowns.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Who is that man?

CHARITY
Phillip Carlyle? His new play is a hit
on Broadway.



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 44.
66 CONTINUED: 66

BARNUM
Play, huh? Pfff! You pay good money to
watch people stand around and talk for
two hours! They call me a con man!

But as he watches others flock around Phillip, he can see the
social power of artistic success. Barnum suddenly makes a
beeline, joining the small crowd. Charity follows. As he
arrives, the Winthrops are begging Phillip for a favor.

MRS. WINTHROP
...We know it’s sold out, but if you
could find us two tickets for Sunday...

PHILLIP
Yes, of course. I’ll see what I can do.
Excuse me.

He slips off -- louche, bored by the attention. The Winthrops
know they’ve been dissed. They look disappointed. Barnum,
witnessing this, can’t help himself. He steps up, genuine.

BARNUM
You know, if you ever want to take in the
circus, we’d love to have you. As my
guest, of course. Bring the family --

MRS. WINTHROP
Thank you just the same, Mr. Barnum.

They turn on their heels and walk off, with another COUPLE.
Barely out of hearing, the Winthrops lean into each other:

MR. WINTHROP
My God, what was that smell?

MRS. WINTHROP
Peanuts.

They and the other Couple laugh. A nearby group of Ballerinas
SNICKER, and turn, parting to reveal... Caroline, among them, *
with the Winthrop’s daughter MARY. Caroline’s eyes well up, *
but she forces a smile. The Winthrops stop short, covering. *

MRS. WINTHROP (CONT’D)
Oh hello, girls! Caroline, dear, I
believe your parents are looking for you.

RACK FOCUS ACROSS the room to see Barnum staring darkly. He
has witnessed the entire exchange.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 45.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Charity joyfully embraces their new home, while Barnum celebrates their dreams. The narrative shifts to Caroline, now a confident ballet dancer, showcasing her growth. At a reception, Barnum and Charity encounter the upper-class Winthrops, who dismiss Barnum and his circus, highlighting the social divide and leaving Barnum feeling disheartened by their rejection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Musical integration
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict
  • Predictable resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a mix of emotions and themes, providing a satisfying resolution to Barnum's journey while leaving room for further character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of achieving one's dreams despite obstacles is well-executed, with a focus on personal growth and the importance of family.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses smoothly, showcasing Barnum's evolution from a struggling dreamer to a successful showman, with a hint of conflict and resolution.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the clash between high society and entertainment, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Barnum's determination and Charity's unwavering support shining through, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum undergoes a significant transformation, from a struggling dreamer to a fulfilled showman, showcasing his growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal is to prove himself and his worth to the upper class guests, showcasing his success and artistic power.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal is to impress the Winthrops and gain their approval and respect.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is a subtle conflict in Barnum's interactions with the Winthrops, the overall tone is more focused on resolution and acceptance.

Opposition: 8

The opposition is strong in the scene, with conflicting values and power dynamics creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional and personal significance of Barnum's achievements adds weight to the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving Barnum's arc and setting the stage for new challenges and opportunities.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reactions of the characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Barnum's belief in the value of entertainment and artistry versus the elitist views of the upper class guests who look down on his circus.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from joy and nostalgia to a tinge of sadness, creating a poignant and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys emotions and motivations, with moments of sincerity and tension adding to the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional tension between characters and the high stakes of social acceptance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, leading to a dramatic confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a drama genre, with clear character motivations and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the joy and excitement of Barnum and Charity moving into their new home, which is a significant milestone in their journey. However, the transition from the intimate moment between Barnum and Charity to Caroline's ballet performance feels abrupt. The emotional tone shifts quickly, which may disorient the audience.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and Charity is light-hearted and playful, showcasing their chemistry. However, the line about the giraffe not staying feels slightly out of place and could benefit from more context or a stronger setup to enhance its comedic effect.
  • Caroline's transition from practicing ballet to performing on stage is visually striking, but the narrative could benefit from a clearer connection between her growth and the family's journey. This would help to reinforce the theme of overcoming obstacles and achieving dreams.
  • The introduction of the Winthrops adds a layer of social commentary, highlighting the class divide and Barnum's desire for acceptance. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to make their disdain more palpable and impactful, enhancing the tension in the scene.
  • Barnum's reaction to the Winthrops' dismissal is crucial, as it sets the stage for his internal conflict regarding societal acceptance. This moment could be expanded to delve deeper into his feelings of inadequacy and the impact on his family, particularly Caroline.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Barnum after Charity runs upstairs, allowing him to express his thoughts on their journey and the significance of their new home before transitioning to Caroline's ballet practice.
  • Enhance the comedic element of the giraffe line by incorporating a previous mention of the giraffe or a humorous anecdote related to it, making the punchline more effective.
  • Create a stronger visual or thematic link between Caroline's ballet performance and the family's aspirations. Perhaps include a moment where Barnum watches her dance with pride, reinforcing the idea that their dreams are being realized through their children.
  • Revise the dialogue of the Winthrops to make their condescension more evident. Consider adding a line that explicitly mocks Barnum or his circus, which would heighten the tension and make Barnum's reaction more poignant.
  • Explore Barnum's internal struggle more deeply after witnessing the Winthrops' disdain. A brief moment of introspection could add depth to his character and highlight the emotional stakes for both him and Caroline.



Scene 18 -  Struggles of Self-Worth
67 EXT. STREET - BRIDGEPORT, CT. - NIGHT (LATER) 67

Charity and Helen walk ahead while Barnum strolls with
Caroline, who is withdrawn and a bit down.

BARNUM
I was so proud of you tonight, Caroline.
You were amazing up there.

CAROLINE
I really wasn’t.
(then)
I’ve actually decided to quit the ballet.

BARNUM
Quit?! Why?

CAROLINE
I started too late. I’ll never catch up.
I’m just not good enough.

BARNUM
Not good enough?! You were the best
dancer on that stage!

Caroline looks away, too old to buy into his hype.

CAROLINE
What would you know about it?

BARNUM
You think I can’t spot talent?

CAROLINE
How many ballets have you seen in your
life?

BARNUM
Well...

CAROLINE
Not everything’s like the circus, you
know. Ballet takes years of hard work.
(pointed, sharp)
You can’t just fake it.

She runs off, bounding up the steps ahead of Charity and
Helen. We hold on Barnum, who looks stricken.

68 INT. BARNUM MANSION - BEDROOM - NIGHT 68

Charity moves in and out of the room, preparing for bed.
Barnum is slumped in a chair, sad and worried.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 46.
68 CONTINUED: 68

BARNUM
It’d be a shame if she quit. She just
feels out of place with the other girls.

CHARITY
I should hope so. I’ve never seen so
many entitled little prima donnas.

BARNUM
Those prima donnas are the most important
thing in the world to her right now. She
just wants to fit in.

Charity gives him a look. This is about more than Caroline.

CHARITY
People like the Winthrops will never
accept us, Phin. If they did, they’d
have to stop judging. And then they
might actually have to do something with
their lives.

BARNUM
I don’t want it for me.

CHARITY
Caroline will be fine. Eventually.

BARNUM
She’s embarrassed by me.

CHARITY
She’s a teenager.

Charity puts her arms around him, smiles. But he won’t be
assuaged. He shakes his head -- this cuts too deep.

BARNUM
No. I want her to be proud of who she
is. Her family. Proud of me.

CHARITY
She is proud of you. In her way.

He looks at her -- that seals it. She gazes at him, worried.

CHARITY (CONT’D)
Phineas...? *

PRELAP: Sound of polite applause.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 47.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Barnum tries to support his daughter Caroline as she grapples with feelings of inadequacy and decides to quit ballet. Despite his encouragement, Caroline dismisses his praise and runs off, leaving Barnum visibly upset. Later, in the Barnum mansion, he confides in Charity about his concerns for Caroline's embarrassment regarding their family. Charity reassures him, but Barnum remains troubled, highlighting the unresolved emotional turmoil within their family.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action or plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflict within the characters, setting up a compelling narrative arc.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of parental expectations, teenage insecurities, and societal judgment is well-developed and adds depth to the characters.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the internal struggles of the characters rather than external events, providing a nuanced exploration of family dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of talent versus hard work, presenting a nuanced exploration of the protagonist's internal and external conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and relatable, each dealing with their own insecurities and desires for acceptance.

Character Changes: 8

Caroline experiences a shift in her perspective on her ballet aspirations, while Barnum grapples with his desire for his daughter's pride.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to feel accepted and proud of herself and her family, particularly her father. This reflects her deeper need for validation and recognition of her talents and efforts.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to fit in with her peers and excel in ballet, despite feeling inadequate and out of place. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming self-doubt and societal expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the internal struggles of the characters, particularly Caroline's feelings of inadequacy and Barnum's desire for her acceptance.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations driving the characters' actions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the characters' struggles, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are primarily emotional and relational, focusing on the characters' internal struggles rather than external threats.

Story Forward: 7

The scene deepens the character development and sets up future conflicts and resolutions within the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and character dynamics. The audience is kept on edge by the shifting power dynamics and conflicting beliefs of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in hard work and dedication versus her father's belief in talent and showmanship. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, as she struggles to reconcile her own efforts with her father's perception of success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in exploring the complexities of parent-child relationships.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional tension between Barnum and Caroline, highlighting their conflicting perspectives.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, relatable conflicts, and dynamic character interactions. The tension between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, revealing character emotions, and advancing the plot. The rhythm of the dialogue and narrative descriptions enhances the scene's emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-defined, enhancing the reader's understanding of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Critique
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are high, as it deals with Caroline's self-doubt and Barnum's desire for his daughter to be proud of him. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the complexity of their relationship. Barnum's responses feel somewhat one-dimensional, lacking depth in his understanding of Caroline's struggles.
  • Caroline's decision to quit ballet is a pivotal moment, but the scene could benefit from more context about her feelings and aspirations. Adding a line or two that reflects her passion for dance, despite her insecurities, would create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • The conflict between Barnum and Charity regarding their daughter's feelings is compelling, but it could be enhanced by showing more of Charity's perspective. Her dismissive attitude towards the 'prima donnas' could be softened to show her concern for Caroline's well-being, making her character more relatable.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Caroline's emotional outburst to Barnum's introspection. Allowing for a moment of silence or a visual cue could heighten the emotional impact and give the audience time to absorb the weight of the conversation.
  • The use of 'hype' in Barnum's dialogue feels modern and out of place for the period setting. Finding a more period-appropriate way for Barnum to express his encouragement would enhance the authenticity of the dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Barnum reflects on his own insecurities as a father, which would deepen his character and make his desire for Caroline's pride more relatable.
  • Incorporate a visual element that symbolizes Caroline's struggle, such as a close-up of her ballet shoes or a moment where she watches other dancers, to emphasize her feelings of inadequacy.
  • Revise Charity's dialogue to include a more empathetic response to Barnum's concerns, perhaps by sharing her own experiences of feeling judged, which would create a stronger bond between them.
  • Allow for a brief pause after Caroline runs off, giving Barnum a moment to process his feelings before Charity enters. This could enhance the emotional weight of the scene and provide a clearer transition.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a line where Barnum acknowledges the hard work and dedication ballet requires, showing that he understands the challenges Caroline faces, which would make his encouragement feel more genuine.



Scene 19 -  A Night of Ambition
69 EXT. WINTER GARDEN THEATRE - NIGHT 69

Barnum exits, pulling on his coat, and spots Phillip Carlyle
standing under the marquis, beside a poster advertising the
play that just ended: “THE DRUNKARD or THE FALLEN SAVED,” a
temperance movement drama that was the snob hit of 1857.

BARNUM
Excuse me, Mr. Carlyle? I believe you
produced this play --

PHILLIP
Yes, and I apologize. Refunds are
available at the box office.

BARNUM
(offers his hand)
P.T. Barnum.

PHILLIP
(shakes it vigorously)
From the circus? I’m a great admirer of
what you do, Mr. Barnum.

BARNUM
Oh come now --

PHILLIP
I’m serious. People leave your shows
transformed, or at least a good deal
happier than when they came in. Which is *
more than I can say for my play. Can the
evils of alcohol be the theme, plot, and
moral all at the same time?

He glances around at the sober-faced survivors of his play. *

BARNUM
Yet you have no trouble selling tickets.

PHILLIP
My audience believes it makes them
sophisticated. I exploit that pretension,
and everyone wins. Except art, of
course. Art takes a bit of a beating.

BARNUM
I don’t suppose I could buy you a drink.
That is, unless you don’t --

He gestures to a PHOTOGRAPH of the abstemious Mr. Cribbs from
the play. Phillip takes a flask from his vest pocket.



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 48.
69 CONTINUED: 69

PHILLIP
How do you think I get through this play
every night?

70 INT. PRIVATE CLUB - BAR - NIGHT 70

A fancy room, almost empty at this late hour. A lone piano
player plays. They are a few rounds in. Barnum is low-key,
but he’s in full sell-mode -- passionate, a true believer.

BARNUM
If we present legitimate entertainments,
we can expand our appeal. Bring in the
carriage trade. Go after the high-brows.

PHILLIP
Funny, you want to attract the snobs and
I’ve spent my entire life wishing to get *
away from them. They are suffocating.

He downs his drink, feeling vaguely sorry for himself.
Barnum smiles, leans back.

BARNUM
So, come join the circus! You clearly
have a flair for show business.

PHILLIP
“Show business”?! I’ve never heard that
term before!

BARNUM
Because I just invented it.
(smiles) *
And you were there! *

PHILLIP
I like it. But I’m still not clear on
what you think I can do for you.

The last few drinkers make their exit, leaving Barnum and
Phillip alone with the piano player.

BARNUM
Teach me how to appeal to the snobs, as *
you call them. Make it fashionable. *
Sophisticated. Ennobling. Shakespeare,
and all that. Exploit their pretensions.

PHILLIP
You’ve created this wonderful show and
now you want to pervert it with culture?



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 49.
70 CONTINUED: 70

BARNUM
Anything to fill seats, Mr. Carlyle! *
And I’ll teach you everything I know
about the circus.

Phillip grins at Barnum -- he really likes him. However.

PHILLIP
I appreciate the offer, Mr. Barnum. But
such an association could, at the very
least, cost me my inheritance.

Barnum waves dismissively -- cheerful and high-spirited.

BARNUM
Oh, it’d cost you a lot more than that!
Your inheritance, your reputation! Your
place in society! Why, people would look
at you the same way they look at me!

PHILLIP
(sheepish)
No offense.

BARNUM
None taken!

The pianist hits a chord, and Barnum starts to sing.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW
YOU KNOW THE OFFER'S OUT
DO I HAVE TO CHASE YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOU SEE IT?
YOU RUN WITH ME
AND I CAN CUT YOU FREE
OUT OF THE DRUDGERY AND WALLS YOU KEEP IN
'CAUSE YOU CAN DO LIKE YOU DO *
OR YOU CAN DO LIKE ME
STAY IN THE CAGE OR YOU FINALLY TAKE THE KEY
OH, DAMN SUDDENLY YOU'RE FREE TO FLY
IT'LL TAKE YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE

PHILLIP
DON'TCHU KNOW THAT I'M OKAY
WITH THIS UPTOWN PART I GET TO PLAY
'CAUSE I GOT WHAT I NEED
AND I DON'T WANNA TAKE THE RIDE
I DON'T NEED TO SEE THE OTHER SIDE
SO GO AND DO LIKE YOU DO
I'M GOOD TO DO LIKE ME
AIN'T IN A CAGE SO I DON'T NEED TO TAKE THE KEY
OH MAN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD WONDER WHY
THEY'RE LAUGHIN' ON THE OTHER SIDE


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 50.
70 CONTINUED: (2) 70

BARNUM
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND YOUR DAYS?
YOU CAN PROMISE NOT TO ROCK THE BOAT
OR YOU CAN MAKE THE WAVES
YOU GOTTA LIVE A LITTLE
GOTTA LAUGH A LITTLE
GOTTA GIVE YOURSELF THE FREEDOM TO DREAM
AND IT'LL
FORGE A WORLD THAT YOU'LL BE SHAPING
TAKE YOUR WALLS AND START 'EM BREAKING
NOW THAT'S A DEAL THAT SEEMS WORTH TAKING
BUT I GUESS I'LL LEAVE IT UP TO YOU…

Barnum turns and walks away from Phillip. Over his shoulder, *
he points back to Phillip’s flask and casually says: *

BARNUM (CONT’D) *
You know, you might not have to drink so *
much if you actually enjoyed your life. *

Phillip looks down at the flask in his hand, realizing Barnum *
is right. He’s won over, but won’t yet admit it. Barnum and *
Phillip end up on opposite sides of the piano, negotiating.

PHILLIP
WELL IT’S INTRIGUING BUT IT’S GONNA COST
ME GREATLY
WHAT’S MY PERCENTAGE OF THE MONEY THAT
YOU’RE MAKING?

BARNUM
WELL, FAIR ENOUGH, YOU WANT A PIECE OF
ALL THE ACTION
I'LL GIVE YOU SEVEN, NOW LET'S SHAKE AND
MAKE IT HAPPEN

PHILLIP
EIGHTEEN WILL BE JUST FINE

BARNUM
(laughs, sarcastic)
SHOULD I JUST GO AHEAD
AND GIVE YOU NICKELS ON THE DIME?

PHILLIP
FIFTEEN.

BARNUM
MAKE IT EIGHT

PHILLIP
TWELVE



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 51.
70 CONTINUED: (3) 70

BARNUM
I’LL DO NINE.

PHILLIP
TEN

Barnum considers it, then nods. Phillip extends his hand.

PHILLIP (CONT’D)
Sir. You have yourself a junior partner.

Barnum gives the hand a wry look, but doesn’t shake it. He *
pours himself a drink, shoves a bottle in Phillip’s hand. *

BARNUM
What I have is an over-compensated
apprentice.

They both toss back a last drink (Phillip from the bottle). *
Then turn and walk out of the club, arm in arm. END SONG. *
Genres: ["Musical","Drama","Biography"]

Summary P.T. Barnum meets Phillip Carlyle outside the Winter Garden Theatre after a performance, discussing the nature of entertainment and proposing a partnership to elevate Barnum's circus. Despite Phillip's initial reluctance due to societal pressures, they engage in a spirited negotiation, culminating in a musical number that highlights their differing views on life and ambition. The scene concludes with the two characters walking out of the club arm in arm, symbolizing their new alliance.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Tension and intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive negotiation dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a good balance of dialogue, character development, and thematic elements. The negotiation adds tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating a partnership between Barnum and Carlyle adds depth to the story, introducing a new dynamic and setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Barnum seeks to attract a more sophisticated audience with Carlyle's help. The negotiation adds a layer of complexity to their relationship and the direction of the circus.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the clash between art and commercialism, with witty dialogue and character dynamics that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Barnum and Carlyle are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interaction reveals more about their values and aspirations.

Character Changes: 6

Both Barnum and Carlyle show a willingness to compromise and adapt during the negotiation, hinting at potential growth and development in their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a way to elevate his art and appeal to a higher class of audience while maintaining his artistic integrity.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to negotiate a partnership with P.T. Barnum to enhance his play's appeal and financial success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict as Barnum and Carlyle negotiate their partnership, each trying to secure the best deal for themselves.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition between the two protagonists adds tension and conflict to the scene, creating a compelling dynamic.

High Stakes: 7

The negotiation represents a significant moment for both Barnum and Carlyle, as it could shape the future success of the circus and their individual aspirations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new partnership that could impact the direction of the circus and Barnum's ambitions.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene has some unpredictability in the negotiation process and character interactions, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between artistic integrity and commercial success, as well as the exploitation of societal pretensions for entertainment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of hope and anticipation as Barnum and Carlyle discuss their potential collaboration. There is a mix of optimism and tension in the air.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the contrasting personalities of Barnum and Carlyle. It adds depth to their characters and moves the negotiation forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue, character dynamics, and the negotiation process between the two protagonists.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of dialogue, action, and character development that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to standard screenplay conventions for dialogue and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character interaction and negotiation, fitting the genre of historical drama.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Barnum and Phillip is engaging and showcases their contrasting perspectives on art and entertainment. However, it could benefit from more subtext to deepen their characters. For instance, Phillip's reluctance to join Barnum could be more explicitly tied to his personal history or fears, making his eventual agreement more impactful.
  • The scene effectively uses humor, particularly in Barnum's playful banter about 'show business' and the negotiation over percentages. However, the humor sometimes overshadows the emotional stakes. Balancing the comedic elements with more serious undertones could enhance the scene's depth.
  • The transition from the conversation to the musical number feels a bit abrupt. While the song is lively and captures the essence of Barnum's character, a smoother lead-in could help maintain the scene's momentum. Consider adding a moment of reflection or a visual cue that bridges the dialogue and the song.
  • Phillip's character is introduced as somewhat cynical, but his motivations could be clearer. Why does he initially resist Barnum's offer? Providing a glimpse into his internal conflict could make his eventual acceptance more satisfying and relatable.
  • The setting of the private club is visually rich, but it could be described in more detail to enhance the atmosphere. Adding sensory details about the environment—like the sounds, smells, or the ambiance—could immerse the audience further into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal deeper motivations and fears of both Barnum and Phillip, particularly Phillip's hesitations about joining the circus.
  • Balance the humor with emotional stakes by allowing moments of seriousness to punctuate the comedic exchanges, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.
  • Create a smoother transition into the musical number by adding a reflective moment or visual cue that connects the dialogue to the song, maintaining the scene's flow.
  • Clarify Phillip's internal conflict regarding his reluctance to join Barnum by providing hints about his past or personal stakes, making his eventual agreement feel more earned.
  • Enhance the setting description of the private club to create a more immersive atmosphere, using sensory details to engage the audience's imagination.



Scene 20 -  A Night of Dreams and Dilemmas
71 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM, BACKSTAGE - NIGHT 71

Barnum enters and walks Phillip through the large backstage
space. It’s surreal. Oddities, acrobats, jugglers, animals,
contortionists -- Phillip takes it all in. Barnum welcomes
him into the fold with an exuberant, well-practiced patter.

BARNUM
Welcome to the circus, Mr. Carlyle! The
most dangerous collection of wild, feral
animals ever assembled under one roof!
(grins)
And that’s just the performers.
(pointing)
We’ve got big, we’ve got small, we’ve got
bearded, we’ve got tall! But there’s one
thing that unites all of them!

Tom Thumb, playing cards with O’Clancy the Giant, looks up.

TOM THUMB
We’re underpaid.

BARNUM
We are free here. To be ourselves. We are
vagabonds! Gypsies! Bohemians! Pirates!
Let the rest of the world be dull and
grey! Let the rest of the world spend
their days in drudgery and grub-work! We *
are here as prophets of wonder and joy! *
Fun is our work, and our work is fun! *
Come on, I’ll show you how it’s done...
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 52.


INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT

They step off a ladder, onto a catwalk above the last row of
bleachers. From here, you can see everything. *

The vast space is dark, though you can HEAR a packed house.
SPOTLIGHTS sweep the room, tracking an acrobatic act.
Phillip leans forward to see what’s going on, when...

...The CROWD beneath them parts, and Anne comes swinging up
from below, arms free. Her arc ends almost face to face with
Phillip. Then gravity whips her back in the other direction.

Phillip turns to Barnum. Barnum grins.

PHILLIP
Who was that?

LATER -- As another act, a daredevil HORSE RIDER, takes over,
circling the ring, Anne disengages from her ribbons with
W.D.’s help. Barnum steps up with Phillip.

BARNUM
Miss Anne Wheeler? I’d like to introduce
my newest hire, Mr. Phillip Carlyle.

Anne takes in Phillip with her eyes, then shakes his hand.

ANNE
And what’s your act, Mr. Carlyle?

PHILLIP
I don’t have an act --

ANNE *
Everyone’s got an act.

Instant chemistry. Anne, freed from her ribbons, smiles, *
flirty, and walks off. Phillip, smitten, turns to check out *
Anne. When he turns back, he finds W.D. glaring at him.

72 INT. THE “BARNUM ARMS” - DAY 72

A pub across from the museum. Barnum sits at the bar with
Tom Thumb, Lettie, and O’Clancy, a stack of newspapers in
front of them. He reads from Roth’s review in the Tribune:

BARNUM
“... Barnum’s reputation as the national
clearinghouse for the grotesque remains
firmly intact. How much longer will the
public indulge this man’s reckless forays
into the unseemly depths of bad taste?”
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 53.
72 CONTINUED: 72
BARNUM (CONT'D)
(incredulous)
Can you believe he’s reviewing us again?!

LETTIE
What do you care about Roth for? He’s a
prig and a snob.

BARNUM
Yes, and all the snobs in New York read
him. He does their thinking for them.

Barnum throws the paper down, frustrated. Phillip bursts
into the pub. Clearly excited.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Have you seen this?

PHILLIP
I have.

BARNUM
I thought I was paying you to class up
the joint.

PHILLIP
I’ve been working on it. Everyone...?

He turns to the others, holds up a folded piece of paper.

PHILLIP (CONT’D)
If you want society to accept you, do you
start at the bottom? Or in the middle?
No -- you start at the very top.

BARNUM
And what’s the top?

He hands the paper to Barnum. It’s a telegram. He reads:

BARNUM (CONT’D)
“You are hereby invited to an audience
with Her Royal Majesty, Victoria...” *
(looks up, stunned)
Is this real?

PHILLIP
It took some doing, but I got us invited
to England! To meet with the Queen!

GASPS and CHEERS from the assembled Performers.

LETTIE
The Queen, huh? How much is she payin’?


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 54.
72 CONTINUED: (2) 72

Barnum stares at the telegram, a smile forming.

73 EXT. BARNUM MANSION - FRONT PORCH - A FEW NIGHTS LATER 73

Charity sits on the porch swing as Barnum alights from a
carriage and rushes up the front walk to join her.

BARNUM
Sorry I’m late. Are the kids in bed?

CHARITY
They tried to stay awake for you...

Barnum sits next to her on the swing, upset to miss them.

BARNUM
There’s just a hundred things to do -- *
sending the whole troupe to London...

CHARITY
I know, Phin. It’s okay.

She rubs his back, and gazes at him, already sad.

CHARITY (CONT’D)
You know what I realized? We haven’t
spent a night apart since we got married.

BARNUM
I have to go. If the Queen of England
likes us, everyone there will.

CHARITY
And everyone here too.

Barnum smiles, she can always see through him.

BARNUM
I don’t mind if people call me coarse.
But when my daughters suffer for it...
(shakes his head; quietly)
...It breaks my heart.

CHARITY *
Just tell me I’m not going to lose you to
the snobs.

She leans in, playful. Barnum pulls her into an embrace. *

BARNUM
Not to them. Not to anyone.

He kisses her passionately. MUSIC starts under.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 55.


74 INT. BARNUM MANSION - VARIOUS ROOMS - NIGHT (LATER) 74

Barnum sings a farewell LULLABY (that will become a duet with
Charity), to Helen and Caroline, both of whom are asleep.

BARNUM
CLOSE YOUR EYES
REST YOUR HEAD
WHILE THE STARS ARE SHINING BRIGHTLY
YOU’LL STAY
IN THESE ARMS
THEY WERE MADE TO HOLD YOU TIGHTLY
HERE WITH ME
YOU’LL ALWAYS BE
WITHOUT A WORRY IN THE WORLD

Next he sings to Charity, as she sleeps:

BARNUM (CONT’D)
IF YOU’RE SCARED
IN THE DARK
CALL MY NAME AND I WILL GUIDE YOU
FOR I
WILL BE THERE
LOOK AROUND I’M RIGHT BESIDE YOU
I AM HERE
DREAM SWEET DREAMS, MY DEAR
WITHOUT A WORRY IN THE

75 INT. BARNUM MANSION - FOYER - DAWN 75

Music continues to play under as Charity watches from atop
the stairs as Barnum prepares to leave. From downstairs,
Barnum catches her eye, and smiles lovingly at her. She
smiles back and comes downstairs.

BARNUM
DREAM SWEET DREAMS MY DEAR

BARNUM/CHARITY
WITHOUT A WORRY IN THE WORLD
WITHOUT A WORRY IN THE WORLD.

Barnum kisses her and steps out the front door.

SONG ENDS as we linger on Charity at the front door, watching *
him go -- a look of concern on her face. *

76 EXT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE - DAY 76

The circus performers disembark from their carriages. They
have all tried to dress up, with varying success. Anne wears
a dazzling gown. Phillip helps her down from her carriage.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 56.
76 CONTINUED: 76

PHILLIP
Miss Wheeler. You look like royalty.

ANNE
I’m just an acrobat.

PHILLIP
No. In the aristocracy of talent, I
would say you are a Queen.

His meaning is clear. She meets his eyes, then moves on.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary Barnum introduces Phillip to the lively backstage of his circus, where he meets the enchanting Anne Wheeler, sparking a flirtatious connection. Barnum shares his ambition to impress Queen Victoria, igniting excitement among the performers. The scene shifts to Barnum's home, where he shares a tender moment with his wife, Charity, who expresses concern over his ambitions. As Barnum prepares to leave for England, the tension between his dreams and family life becomes evident.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Exciting concept
  • Anticipation for future events
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with excitement, and sets up a significant development in the plot with the invitation to meet the Queen of England.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the backstage of the circus and the anticipation of meeting the Queen of England adds depth and intrigue to the storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses with the introduction of the invitation to meet the Queen of England, setting up a major event in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and imaginative elements, such as the circus setting and the protagonist's journey of self-discovery. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are portrayed with enthusiasm and anticipation, especially Barnum and Phillip, as they prepare for the significant meeting.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the anticipation of meeting the Queen may lead to future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a sense of belonging and freedom, as reflected in his fascination with the circus performers and his desire to break free from societal norms.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to elevate the status of the circus and gain acceptance from high society, as shown by his excitement over the invitation to meet the Queen of England.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is minimal in this scene, focusing more on anticipation and excitement for the upcoming meeting with the Queen.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from societal expectations, personal desires, and external challenges. The characters face obstacles that test their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in this scene, with the anticipation of meeting the Queen adding a sense of importance and grandeur.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the invitation to meet the Queen of England, setting up a major event in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and the evolving conflicts. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the story will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of societal acceptance versus individual freedom. The protagonist must navigate between conforming to societal norms and embracing his true self.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of excitement, anticipation, and love, especially in the interactions between Barnum and Charity.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is lively and engaging, reflecting the excitement and anticipation of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its vibrant setting, dynamic characters, and thematic depth. The interactions between the characters and the unfolding conflicts keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of dialogue, action, and introspective moments. The rhythm builds tension and excitement, leading to a satisfying conclusion.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting. The visual elements are well-presented.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, introducing the setting, characters, and conflicts in a coherent manner. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the vibrant and eclectic atmosphere of Barnum's circus, showcasing the diversity of performers and their unique talents. This is essential for establishing the world Barnum is trying to create and the sense of belonging he offers to his performers.
  • Barnum's exuberant dialogue serves to highlight his charisma and passion for his work, which is crucial for drawing Phillip into his vision. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity in describing the performers and acts, which would enhance the visual imagery and make the scene even more engaging.
  • The introduction of Anne Wheeler is well-executed, as it establishes an instant chemistry between her and Phillip. However, the transition from Barnum's enthusiastic introduction to the flirtation between Anne and Phillip feels slightly abrupt. A more gradual build-up could enhance the tension and connection between the characters.
  • The humor introduced by Tom Thumb's line about being underpaid adds a nice touch of levity, but it could be expanded upon to further emphasize the camaraderie among the performers. This would deepen the audience's emotional investment in the characters and their struggles.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the backstage excitement to the pub scene could be smoother. The abrupt shift in setting and tone may disorient the audience. A brief moment of reflection or a line that connects the two scenes could help maintain continuity.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive details about the performers and their acts during Barnum's introduction. This will create a richer visual experience for the audience and help them connect with the characters.
  • To enhance the chemistry between Anne and Phillip, include a moment where they share a laugh or a playful exchange before she walks off. This would make their connection feel more organic and engaging.
  • Expand on the camaraderie among the performers by including more humorous or light-hearted interactions. This will help to establish a sense of community and support within the circus.
  • Smooth the transition between the backstage scene and the pub by incorporating a line or moment that reflects Barnum's thoughts or feelings about the performance before moving to the next setting.
  • Consider using more varied sentence structures in Barnum's dialogue to reflect his excitement and passion. This will make his speech feel more dynamic and engaging.



Scene 21 -  A Royal Encounter: Laughter at Buckingham Palace
77 INT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE - CORRIDOR - DAY 77

The group is led down an endless hall by a prim and proper
LORD-IN-WAITING. Even dressed up, they look wildly out of
place. The enormous Lord of Leeds is wheezing and falling
behind. Tom Thumb tugs on the bottom of his coat.

TOM THUMB
Only a mile to go, tubs. Don’t die on me.

LORD OF LEEDS
I won’t die on you. I may sit on you...

LORD-IN-WAITING
Don’t speak to the Queen unless spoken
to. Don’t offer your hand unless she
offers hers first. And never turn your
back on Her Royal Highness. You must
enter and exit the room facing forward.

LETTIE
Well, at least she can’t talk about us
behind our backs!

LAUGHS and HOOTS. Phillip shoots Barnum a glance, sotto:

PHILLIP
I’m starting to think this was a bad
idea.

BARNUM
This was your idea!

PHILLIP
You shouldn’t have listened to me! I’m
an apprentice, for God’s sake!

78 INT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE - QUEEN’S DRAWING ROOM - DAY 78

The double doors open to the Queen’s drawing room. Members *
of the royal entourage, luminaries, and visitors are present. *


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 57.
78 CONTINUED: 78

HERALD (V.O.)
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Phineas T.
Barnum and his troupe from America --

Barnum enters with Tom, Lettie, Chang and Eng, and the Lord
of Leeds, all five hundred pounds. Anne follows in her gown,
with Phillip on one side, W.D. on the other. The place falls
silent. Everyone stares as a path is cleared to...

QUEEN VICTORIA, 30. Barnum and Tom, leading the way, slowly
approach the seated queen. Beside her is a small KING CHARLES
SPANIEL on a leash held by one of her courtiers.

PHILLIP
Your Majesty. It is in an honor to meet
you. May I present Mr. Phineas T. Barnum.

BARNUM
I am honored, Your Highness.

QUEEN VICTORIA
The honor is mine, Mr. Barnum. And I
have heard all about your little Colonel
from my friends in America.

TOM THUMB
General, ma’am.

QUEEN VICTORIA
Forgive me. General. Oh My! You’re
even smaller than I expected.

TOM THUMB
You’re not exactly reaching the top shelf
yourself, sweetheart.

The assembled nobility GASP. Phillip holds his breath. The
room remains silent until the Queen suddenly bursts into
laughter. Everyone immediately joins in, relieved.

The Queen’s dog starts to BARK at Tom -- who barks right
back. They growl and nip and tug at each other. The Queen
throws her head back, laughing even harder at Tom’s antics.
Barnum and Phillip share a look of relief.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Musical","Historical","Comedy"]

Summary In Buckingham Palace, Barnum and his troupe navigate the opulent corridors, feeling out of place, especially the struggling Lord of Leeds. Guided by the Lord-in-Waiting, they receive humorous etiquette instructions before meeting Queen Victoria. Tension eases when the Queen laughs at Tom Thumb's witty remarks, creating a light-hearted atmosphere and showcasing the troupe's charm amidst royal formality.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Historical setting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly entertaining, well-executed, and adds depth to the characters and plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Barnum and his troupe meeting Queen Victoria in a comedic and light-hearted manner is engaging and well-developed.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of Queen Victoria and the potential opportunities that arise from the encounter.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar setting, blending humor and tension in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters shine in this scene, showcasing their personalities, humor, and dynamics in a memorable way.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it does showcase the characters' adaptability and humor in new situations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to impress the Queen and navigate the formal setting without embarrassing himself or his troupe. This reflects his desire for acceptance and validation in high society.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to secure funding or support from the Queen for his show. This reflects the immediate challenge of gaining credibility and financial backing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

There is a mild conflict in terms of the characters feeling out of place in the royal setting, but it is quickly resolved through humor.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges in meeting the Queen and gaining her support, adding suspense and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and character interactions rather than intense conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new opportunities and challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the Queen, adding a layer of surprise and tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict between the formal rules of etiquette and the protagonist's more casual and irreverent nature. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about social norms and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes feelings of joy, relief, and amusement, connecting the audience to the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and adds depth to the characters and the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, tension, and humor that keeps the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and humor in a balanced way, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a formal meeting in a royal setting, with a clear buildup of tension and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the contrast between the circus performers and the royal setting, highlighting their feelings of being out of place. This juxtaposition is a strong thematic element that reinforces the overarching narrative of acceptance and belonging.
  • The humor in the dialogue, particularly Tom Thumb's quips and the Queen's reaction, adds levity to the tension of the moment. However, the humor could be further enhanced by incorporating more physical comedy or visual gags that play off the characters' sizes and the opulence of the palace.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from a more gradual build-up to the Queen's laughter. The initial tension could be heightened before the release, making the moment of laughter feel even more impactful.
  • The character dynamics are well-established, particularly the camaraderie between Barnum and his troupe. However, Phillip's role feels somewhat passive in this scene. It would be beneficial to give him a more active role in the interaction with the Queen, perhaps by having him attempt to smooth over any awkwardness before the Queen's laughter breaks the tension.
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the corridor to the drawing room, but the visual description could be more vivid. Adding sensory details about the opulence of the palace or the atmosphere in the drawing room would help immerse the audience further into the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where the characters react to the grandeur of Buckingham Palace before entering the drawing room, which could heighten their feelings of being out of place.
  • Incorporate more physical comedy, such as the characters struggling to navigate the space or bumping into things, to enhance the humor and visual storytelling.
  • Explore Phillip's character more by giving him a line or action that shows his anxiety or excitement about the meeting, making him a more active participant in the scene.
  • Build the tension before the Queen's laughter by having the characters exchange nervous glances or whispers, creating a palpable sense of anticipation.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting and characters to create a more vivid picture for the audience, emphasizing the contrast between the performers and the royal environment.



Scene 22 -  A Royal Encounter: Barnum Meets Lind
79 INT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE - QUEEN’S DRAWING ROOM - LATER 79

Barnum’s group is now off to the side, mingling with other *
guests. Lettie stands proud and pretty. Chang and Eng bow to *
each side. Tom grabs a creamy pastry off a passing server’s *
tray and bites into it, leaving a dab of cream on his nose.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 58.
79 CONTINUED: 79

There is a small stir near the doors, as the crowd is hushed.

HERALD
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jenny Lind.

GUESTS applaud as JENNY LIND enters. In her early 30’s, she
is a stunning Scandinavian beauty. Barnum turns to Phillip.

BARNUM
Who is that?

PHILLIP
Only the most famous singer in Europe.

BARNUM
Another singer, huh?

He rolls his eyes. But as he watches everyone scurry to form *
a crowd around Miss Lind, Barnum’s expression changes.

As he watches, the Queen herself (regal but plain) chats and
smiles with Jenny, clearly taken by her beauty and presence.

On Barnum, watching as the old-fashioned royalty of birth is
superceded by the new royalty of talent, beauty, celebrity.

Suddenly, it clicks for him. He takes off across the room,
headed for Miss Lind. Phillip, alarmed, rushes to keep up.

PHILLIP
Where are you going?

BARNUM
To meet Miss Lind.

PHILLIP
You can’t just march up to someone like
that and talk to them --

BARNUM
Why not? I’m personable, and she’s a
person.

He quickens his pace. Phillip scrambles to keep up. As Jenny
withdraws from the royal presence and Barnum steps up to her.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Miss Lind. My name is P.T. Barnum.

JENNY
From America. I’ve heard of you.

She smiles slyly -- suggesting what she’s heard. He grins.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 59.
79 CONTINUED: (2) 79

BARNUM
Well, if you heard of me all the way over
here, I must be doing something right.

JENNY
(suggestive)
Or else very wrong.

BARNUM
When it comes to publicity, Miss Lind,
there’s hardly a difference.

JENNY
(mock admonishment)
Between right and wrong? Those are
words of a scoundrel, Mr. Barnum.

BARNUM
A showman, Miss Lind. Just a showman.

He gives her his most winning smile. She returns it. They
are on the same wavelength, speaking the same language.

JENNY
And what can I do for you, Mr. Barnum?

BARNUM
I’d like to bring you to America.

That surprises her. She smiles at him.

JENNY
Is that a proposition?

BARNUM
Oh, no. Mrs. Barnum would be displeased.
But I’d like to put you on tour there.

JENNY
Have you heard me sing?

BARNUM
No. And I look forward to it very much.
But I see the way everyone in this room
is looking at you. You outshine the
Queen herself. That’s all I need to know.

JENNY
(intrigued)
I’ve never been to America.




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 60.
79 CONTINUED: (3) 79

BARNUM
It will be the largest musical event ever
staged. The grandest theaters! The finest *
orchestras! The best of everything! And *
when you’re done you’ll have more money
than you can spend in a dozen lifetimes.

JENNY
I give most of my earnings to charity,
Mr. Barnum -- to widows and orphans.

BARNUM
Then all the more reason to say yes! *

Jenny laughs, charmed by his unflappable optimism. Her eyes
take him in. Intrigued, possibly even attracted.

JENNY
I have to ask, Mr. Barnum, why me?

Barnum thinks about it -- a moment of real reflection.

BARNUM
People come to my shows for the pleasure
of being hoodwinked. Just once I’d like
to give them something that can’t be
faked. Something real.

Jenny smiles. *

JENNY
Well... Honesty. I didn’t expect that.

Barnum smiles back. He has her. *

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Musical","Biographical","Drama"]

Summary At Buckingham Palace, P.T. Barnum mingles with guests and encounters the renowned singer Jenny Lind. Initially dismissive of her fame, Barnum becomes captivated by her charm as he observes her with the Queen. He boldly introduces himself and proposes a tour in America, sparking a flirtatious exchange that reveals both his ambition and her charitable nature. Despite Phillip's concerns about Barnum's boldness, the interaction leads to a promising connection between them, ending with a shared smile that hints at future collaboration.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Intriguing plot development
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Some predictability in Barnum's charm and optimism

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, well-written, and pivotal in the development of the plot and character relationships. It introduces a new character, Jenny Lind, and sets the stage for future events.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of bringing Jenny Lind to America and exploring the idea of authenticity in entertainment is intriguing and sets up a significant turning point in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Barnum seeks to bring Jenny Lind to America, introducing a new conflict and opportunity for growth.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to showcasing the protagonist's ambition and determination through engaging dialogue and interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Barnum's character is further developed through his interaction with Jenny Lind, showcasing his ambition, charm, and determination. Jenny Lind is introduced as a strong and independent character with her own motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum's character undergoes a subtle change as he reflects on the importance of honesty and authenticity in entertainment, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to break free from the constraints of traditional royalty and birthright, seeking validation and success through talent, beauty, and celebrity.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Jenny Lind to come to America for a musical tour, showcasing his ambition and desire for success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a subtle conflict between Barnum's desire to bring Jenny Lind to America and her initial reluctance, adding tension and intrigue to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and desires creating tension and conflict that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Barnum seeks to bring Jenny Lind to America, potentially changing the course of his career and the success of his ventures.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up a major plot point, and deepening character relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters and the shifting dynamics of power and influence.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between traditional values of royalty and birthright versus the new values of talent, beauty, and celebrity. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about success and recognition.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of hope, charm, and intrigue, especially in Barnum's pursuit of Jenny Lind and the underlying theme of authenticity.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Barnum and Jenny Lind is engaging, witty, and reveals their personalities and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, charismatic characters, and the tension between traditional values and new aspirations.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the contrast between Barnum's brash personality and the refined atmosphere of Buckingham Palace, showcasing his ambition and charm. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the interaction between Barnum and Jenny Lind. While their banter is playful, adding layers of tension or stakes could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Barnum's initial dismissive attitude towards Jenny Lind feels slightly inconsistent with his character's established ambition. A more gradual shift in his perception of her could create a stronger arc within the scene, illustrating his growth as he recognizes her potential.
  • The humor provided by Tom Thumb and the other characters adds levity to the scene, but it risks overshadowing the pivotal moment between Barnum and Jenny. Balancing the comedic elements with the seriousness of Barnum's intentions could help maintain focus on the main interaction.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For instance, some of the dialogue exchanges feel a bit drawn out, which may detract from the urgency of Barnum's proposal to Jenny. Streamlining these interactions could enhance the overall flow.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid, but they could be more evocative in conveying the grandeur of the palace and the significance of the moment. Incorporating more sensory details could immerse the audience further into the setting and the characters' emotions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Barnum reflects on his past failures or insecurities before approaching Jenny, which would provide a deeper emotional context for his boldness.
  • Introduce a subtle tension or conflict in Barnum's approach to Jenny, perhaps by having him overhear a negative comment about his circus or himself, which could heighten the stakes of his proposal.
  • Shorten some of the dialogue exchanges to maintain a brisk pace, ensuring that the focus remains on the chemistry and tension between Barnum and Jenny.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of Buckingham Palace to emphasize its opulence and the contrast with Barnum's more flamboyant style, perhaps by describing the reactions of other guests to Barnum's presence.
  • Incorporate a moment where Jenny's initial skepticism about Barnum's intentions is evident, allowing for a more dynamic shift in her attitude as the conversation progresses.



Scene 23 -  The Enchanting Premiere of Jenny Lind
80 EXT. CASTLE GARDEN THEATRE - NIGHT 80

A stone castle in Battery Park. A CROWD surges past POSTERS
touting the ‘PREMIERE CONCERT OF THE SWEDISH NIGHTINGALE!’

BARNUM (V.O.)
Ladies and gentlemen, I recently had the
pleasure of hearing the most incredible--

81 INT. CASTLE GARDEN THEATER - LOWER MANHATTAN - NIGHT 81

A spectacular circular theatre. Barnum stands on stage. He *
nods to Charity, Caroline and Helen, dressed to the nines.

BARNUM
...Most divine voice I have ever heard.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 61.
81 CONTINUED: 81

A WOMAN sitting behind Charity turns to her HUSBAND, scoffs.

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE
Suddenly he’s a connoisseur?

Caroline looks down, embarrassed. Charity takes her hand.

BARNUM
Now I know that sounds like Barnum hype.

This gets a warm laugh. Barnum spots Roth in the audience,
arms folded, prepared to disapprove --

BARNUM (CONT’D)
But I have no doubt that tonight, even *
the most joyless critics will be moved.

He catches Roth’s eyes and grins.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
May I present the Swedish Nightingale,
Miss Jenny Lind.

A ten-piece orchestra starts to play. Jenny appears far
upstage and walks quietly forward, a mirage coming into focus
in a simple but stunning dress. There’s an audible reaction
to her beauty. Charity’s grip on Caroline’s hand tightens.

Then Jenny sings.

SONG: An epic love song. Jenny’s voice, and the song itself,
both stun with their beauty and power.

In the audience, Phillip gazes at Anne. She looks over. Their
eyes meet, finding meaning in the words. Then she looks away.

Barnum, backstage, watches, surprised to find himself moved
by the simplicity and beauty of her song.

He turns and peeks out at the audience. An entire theater
filled with high society, embracing Jenny and, in a way, him.

He gazes on Caroline, her face impossible to read.

82 INT. CASTLE GARDEN THEATER - BACKSTAGE - NIGHT (LATER) 82

MUSIC continues under. There’s an air of excitement that
only comes after a perfect show. Cheers continue as Jenny
leaves the stage, followed by STAGEHANDS carrying BOUQUETS.
She is met by Barnum, who looks at her, truly impressed.

BARNUM
Miss Lind...! It was, well...


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 62.
82 CONTINUED: 82

JENNY
(laughs)
Why Mr. Barnum, I believe you are
speechless.

Charity rushes in with the girls.

CHARITY
Miss Lind, I’ve never heard anything so
divine.

JENNY
Aren’t you lovely.

BARNUM
I’d like you to meet my wife, Charity.
And our girls, Caroline and Helen.

JENNY
A pleasure.

HELEN
You look like a princess, ma’am.

JENNY
But you’re the beautiful one.

She offers Helen her hand -- to shake, or to kiss, Helen
isn’t sure. So she curtsies. Caroline steps forward, shyly.

CAROLINE
You have the most exquisite voice!

JENNY
Thank you, dear. Do you perform?

CAROLINE
Yes, I... I’m studying Ballet.

BARNUM *
You are?! *

CAROLINE
Of course I am.

Barnum turns to Charity and beams.

BARNUM
Of course she is.

CAROLINE
My class will perform at the Met Gala
this year.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 63.
82 CONTINUED: (2) 82

JENNY
Oh! What I would give to see that!
(takes Caroline’s hand)
I think you and I are going to be very
good friends.

Caroline glows. Barnum puts his arm around Charity -- he has
pulled off the impossible.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama","Biography"]

Summary At the Castle Garden Theatre, Barnum introduces the Swedish Nightingale, Jenny Lind, to a skeptical audience. As Jenny performs a breathtaking love song, she captivates everyone, including Barnum's family, who are enchanted by her beauty and talent. After the performance, Jenny warmly interacts with Barnum's wife, Charity, and their daughters, especially encouraging Caroline in her ballet aspirations. The initial skepticism fades as the audience, including a doubtful critic, becomes enthralled by Jenny's presence, culminating in a proud moment for Barnum as he embraces his family.
Strengths
  • Emotional resonance
  • Character development
  • Musical impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict
  • Predictable reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, emotionally resonant, and pivotal in showcasing the impact of Jenny Lind's performance on the characters and the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of introducing Jenny Lind's performance as a pivotal moment in the story, highlighting the power of music and talent, is well-executed and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of Jenny Lind and her performance, setting up future developments and character interactions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the entertainment industry and the protagonist's journey, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth. The dialogue feels genuine and the setting is vividly portrayed.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to Jenny Lind's performance reveal their personalities, relationships, and emotional depth, adding layers to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, especially Barnum and Caroline, experience emotional shifts and connections during the scene, setting up potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself as a legitimate and respected figure in the entertainment industry, as well as to impress his family and those around him. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully present the Swedish Nightingale, Jenny Lind, and ensure the success of the concert. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing the event and impressing the audience and critics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is some tension between Barnum and the critic Roth, the main focus is on the emotional impact of Jenny Lind's performance rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting expectations and reactions from the characters. The audience is unsure of how the concert will be received and how the protagonist will navigate the challenges.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional impact of Jenny Lind's performance and the characters' reactions add depth and significance to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Jenny Lind, showcasing her impact on the characters, and setting up new dynamics and conflicts for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the tension between the protagonist's internal and external goals, as well as the unexpected emotional reactions of the characters. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the concert.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for authenticity and the perception of him as a showman and hype artist. This challenges his beliefs about the value of entertainment and artistry.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through Jenny Lind's powerful singing, the characters' reactions, and the themes of beauty and talent, creating a memorable and moving moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, reactions, and relationships during the scene, enhancing the impact of the performance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and the anticipation of the concert's success. The interactions between the characters and the musical performance create a captivating atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and anticipation, as well as allowing for emotional moments to resonate with the audience. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is well-structured and contributes to the flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the excitement of the premiere concert, showcasing Barnum's charisma and the audience's anticipation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext, particularly in Barnum's interactions with Jenny and his family. This would deepen the emotional stakes and highlight the contrasts between his public persona and private feelings.
  • The introduction of Jenny Lind is visually striking, but the scene could enhance her impact by incorporating more sensory details about her performance. Describing the audience's reactions in more vivid terms could amplify the emotional resonance of her singing and Barnum's response.
  • The moment where Barnum catches Roth's eye is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat underdeveloped. Expanding on this tension could add layers to Barnum's character, illustrating his awareness of the critics and his desire for validation.
  • Caroline's character is introduced with potential, but her interactions with Jenny could be more dynamic. Instead of just expressing admiration, consider giving her a moment of vulnerability or aspiration that connects her to Jenny's journey, enhancing the theme of mentorship.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the performance to backstage could be smoother. A brief moment of silence or a lingering shot on the audience's applause could heighten the anticipation before moving to the backstage interactions.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext to Barnum's dialogue, particularly when he interacts with Jenny and his family, to reveal his internal conflicts and ambitions.
  • Incorporate sensory details during Jenny's performance to enhance the emotional impact and audience reactions.
  • Expand on the tension between Barnum and Roth to illustrate Barnum's awareness of criticism and his need for acceptance.
  • Develop Caroline's character further by giving her a moment of vulnerability or aspiration in her interaction with Jenny, emphasizing the theme of mentorship.
  • Smooth the transition from the performance to backstage by including a moment of silence or audience applause to build anticipation.



Scene 24 -  A Choice of Status
83 INT. THE “BARNUM ARMS” - DAY 83

Barnum sits at a table as Phillip runs in with the paper.

PHILLIP
Hot off the press.

Barnum flips through roughly, looking for the review. As he
reads it, his expression goes from elation to dismay.

BARNUM
“Jenny Lind’s singing is both ethereal
and transcendent. In the hands of a true
purveyor of the arts, this would be a
cause for celebration. But now we can *
only watch in dismay as the notorious
P.T. Barnum inevitably turns her into one
of his sideshow freaks. Next thing we
know, she’ll be sporting a beard.”
(stops reading)
What is wrong with that man?

PHILLIP
Like most critics, Roth just vents the
bitterness over his own failures by
attacking those who succeed. Just take
comfort in the fact that every time you
sell a ticket, a little part of him dies.

BARNUM
Well, then. Let’s sell more tickets.

84 EXT. CASTLE GARDEN THEATER - NIGHT 84

SOUND OF: Ecstatic applause. Calls of “Brava” and ”Encore!”

Night after night, the ‘SOLD OUT’ sign is hung in the box
office window.

85 INT. CASTLE GARDEN THEATER - JENNY’S DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT 85

The room is crammed with well-heeled ADMIRERS and bouquets of
flowers. Barnum glad-hands people while Charity feigns
interest. Jenny smiles politely, accepting accolades.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 64.
85 CONTINUED: 85

MRS. WINTHROP (O.S.)
Mr. Barnum.

He turns to see the Winthrops, in the doorway, slightly at
sea. Mrs. Winthrop turns to her husband, who takes his cue:

MR. WINTHROP
Barnum. I confess, I had my doubts...
But this is a triumph. Well done, sir.

Barnum lights up, claps Winthrop on the back. It’s taken a
lifetime to get here.

BARNUM
Thank you very much, Mr. Winthrop.

Charity watches from across the room, somewhat concerned.

MRS. WINTHROP
Do you suppose we might... That is...

BARNUM
You want to meet Miss Lind?

MRS. WINTHROP
If it’s not asking too much.

BARNUM
Not at all! Not at all!

Barnum pulls them in the room, closes the door, but there’s
an immediate KNOCK. Barnum opens the door again, expecting
more Swells. This time, however, it is Lettie, Tom Thumb,
O’Clancy, and all the rest of the oddities. They smile.

LETTIE
Mr. B... You think we could meet Miss
Lind? Good Lord, that lady can sing!

Barnum wavers, looks back in the room -- at the Winthrops,
Jenny, etc. He turns back. And makes the wrong choice...

BARNUM
It’s a bit crowded right now, Lettie.
Why don’t you all come back later?

The Oddities are surprised and insulted. Before they can
respond, Barnum has closed the door on them. Charity sees
this, and frowns, as Barnum leads the Winthrops to Jenny.

DISSOLVE TO:
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 65.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary Barnum grapples with a negative review of Jenny Lind's performance but is uplifted by Phillip's encouragement to focus on ticket sales. At the Castle Garden Theater, he is celebrated by the Winthrops, but when the oddities seek to meet Jenny, Barnum prioritizes the Winthrops over them, leading to feelings of exclusion among his performers. The scene highlights Barnum's internal conflict between social ambition and loyalty to his oddities, culminating in a choice that alienates them.
Strengths
  • Effective character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable dialogue
  • Some cliched character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances the emotional highs and lows, setting up conflicts and character dynamics that drive the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing the critical review with the positive reception adds depth to the story and explores themes of success, ambition, and societal acceptance.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Barnum navigates the aftermath of the review and interacts with different characters, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh conflicts and character dynamics, offering a unique perspective on the entertainment industry and societal expectations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters show depth and complexity, especially Barnum, Charity, and the Oddities, as they react to the review and navigate social interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum's interactions with the critic, the upper class, and the Oddities hint at potential character growth and changes, setting up future arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal is to prove himself as a legitimate showman and artist, despite the criticism and doubts from others. This reflects his deeper desire for acceptance and recognition in the elite circles of society.

External Goal: 9

Barnum's external goal is to impress the Winthrops and secure their approval, showcasing his success and talent. This reflects the immediate challenge of gaining respect and credibility in high society.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflicts between Barnum and the critic, as well as Barnum's internal struggles with ambition and acceptance, create tension and drive the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and values driving the character interactions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the dramatic tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Barnum as he faces criticism, seeks acceptance, and navigates the consequences of his choices, setting up potential risks and rewards.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, relationships, and ambitions that will shape the characters' paths in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected choices made by the characters and the shifting power dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflicts will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the value of artistic integrity and commercial success. Barnum struggles with the perception of turning Jenny Lind into a sideshow act for profit, highlighting the tension between artistry and exploitation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from elation to dismay, joy to tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journeys.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys emotions, conflicts, and character motivations, but could benefit from more nuanced exchanges between characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, emotional stakes, and moral dilemmas. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and suspense as the characters navigate their conflicting goals and emotions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-crafted and contributes to the overall tone and themes.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and narrative progression. The pacing and formatting enhance the dramatic tension and emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Barnum's emotional journey as he grapples with the negative review of Jenny Lind's performance. The transition from excitement to dismay is well-executed, showcasing Barnum's vulnerability and the stakes involved in his ambitions.
  • Phillip's dialogue serves as a strong counterpoint to Barnum's despair, providing a motivational perspective that helps to lighten the mood. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; it feels somewhat expository and could benefit from more subtext or humor to enhance the camaraderie between the characters.
  • The introduction of the Winthrops adds a layer of social tension, but Barnum's immediate shift in focus from the Oddities to the Winthrops feels abrupt. This moment could be more impactful if Barnum's internal conflict about prioritizing high society over his own performers was more explicitly explored.
  • The Oddities' reaction to being dismissed is a crucial emotional beat that could be expanded. Their surprise and insult could be portrayed with more depth, perhaps through dialogue or physical reactions that emphasize their feelings of exclusion and betrayal.
  • Charity's concern is noted but not fully explored. Her perspective on Barnum's choices could add emotional weight to the scene, highlighting the strain on their relationship as Barnum navigates his ambitions and the expectations of high society.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Barnum reflects on the review before Phillip arrives, allowing the audience to see his internal struggle more clearly. This could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Enhance Phillip's dialogue to include a personal anecdote or a humorous quip that reflects his own experiences with critics, making his encouragement feel more relatable and grounded.
  • When the Oddities arrive, include a brief moment of hesitation from Barnum before he closes the door, showcasing his internal conflict. This could heighten the tension and make his eventual choice feel more significant.
  • Develop the Oddities' reactions further by including a line or two that expresses their feelings of being overlooked, which would add emotional depth and highlight the theme of acceptance.
  • Incorporate a moment where Charity expresses her concerns about Barnum's choices, perhaps through a subtle exchange of glances or a quiet comment, to emphasize the strain on their relationship and the stakes involved.



Scene 25 -  Celebration and Isolation
86 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT 86

Tom Thumb sits, playing the Ukulele to the sold out crowd.
Lettie sings “Oddities”, a celebration of the self-acceptance *
that Barnum has given them, but somehow can’t give himself. *

LETTIE
WHY DID GOD CREATE ME
INTO SUCH AN ODDITY
IS IT SO WRONG
I WANT TO BELONG
THERE’S GOT TO BE A PURPOSE FOR ME.

The other Oddities appear on stage to harmonize.

LETTIE (CONT’D)
UNUSUAL IS SO BEAUTIFUL
THAT IS IN-DISPUTABLE
IT AIN’T SO WRONG
YOU WANT TO BELONG

CHANG AND ENG
(Harmonizing)
YOU’LL FIND IN ME
THAT WE’RE ALL *

ODDITIES *
ODDITIES *
ODDITIES *

ON BARNUM in the wings, watching the show with one eye, and *
his pocket watch with the other. Finally, he grabs his coat. *

ODDITIES (CONT’D)
WE’RE THE MONSTERS *
WE’RE THE FREAKS
WE’RE THE MISFITS
WE’RE THE FREAKS

87 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - SAME 87

Barnum exits. On the sidewalk is a small CROWD of PROTESTERS *
holding signs: “Close the Circus!” and “No More Freak Show!”.

ODDITIES (V.O.) *
IT AIN’T SO WRONG *
WE ALL BELONG *
TO ONE FAMILY... *

Barnum slows for a second -- he’s never seen these people. *
Then he climbs into a waiting carriage. It drives off. *
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 66.


88 INT. CASTLE GARDEN THEATER - BACKSTAGE HALLWAY - NIGHT (SAME)88

Barnum finds Jenny signing autographs and greeting high-
society type in a backstage hallway. He attempts to mingle,
but no one has any interest in him. He greets a Couple who
don’t respond in kind. He himself is an oddity there.

ODDITIES (V.O.)
AND WE’RE ALL ODDITIES *
ODDITIES... ODDITIES.... *

EXT. NEW YORK STREET - DAY *

Anne, in her Sunday finest, window shops outside a clothing *
store. She goes to enter, only to have the door shut in her *
face. A sign is flipped from “Open” to “Closed for Lunch”. *

She absorbs this indignity, stoic, and moves on. Across the *
street, Phillip has seen this. His heart breaks for her. *

ODDITIES (V.O.) *
IT AIN’T SO WRONG *
WE ALL BELONG *
TO ONE FAMILY... *
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Tom Thumb captivates a sold-out audience with his ukulele performance while Lettie leads the song 'Oddities', celebrating self-acceptance alongside the other Oddities. Barnum, watching from the wings, is distracted by protesters opposing his show. After the performance, he confronts the protesters before attending a high-society event where he feels out of place and ignored. Meanwhile, Anne experiences rejection while shopping, paralleling the Oddities' struggles for belonging. The scene juxtaposes the joy of self-acceptance with Barnum's feelings of isolation.
Strengths
  • Powerful themes of self-acceptance and resilience
  • Emotional depth and character development
  • Impactful dialogue and memorable moments
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of external conflicts
  • Some characters lack depth and development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a powerful message of self-acceptance and resilience, with a mix of celebratory and reflective tones that engage the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of embracing one's uniqueness and finding belonging in a world that rejects you is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the internal struggles of Barnum and the Oddities, as they navigate societal rejection and self-acceptance.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on self-acceptance and inclusion, with authentic character actions and dialogue that resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Barnum and the Oddities, are well-developed and show depth in their emotional journeys.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, especially Barnum and the Oddities, undergo emotional growth and self-discovery throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find self-acceptance and purpose, as reflected in Lettie's song about oddities and belonging. Barnum struggles with accepting himself despite giving others a sense of belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain the success of his museum and show, as seen through the performance and the protesters outside.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict between societal rejection and self-acceptance provides tension and emotional depth to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with protesters challenging Barnum's approach and societal norms conflicting with the characters' beliefs.

High Stakes: 6

The high stakes involve the characters' sense of identity, belonging, and acceptance in a society that rejects them.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional arcs of the characters and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and societal conflicts, keeping the audience intrigued about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of acceptance and belonging, challenging traditional views of normalcy and celebrating uniqueness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of hope, defiance, and resilience, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the themes of self-acceptance and resilience, with impactful lines that resonate with the audience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, thematic resonance, and visual storytelling that captivates the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its emotional impact and thematic exploration, allowing for moments of reflection and tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for a musical screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a musical drama, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the celebration of the Oddities on stage with Barnum's internal struggle for acceptance, which adds depth to his character. However, the transition from the performance to Barnum's exit could be smoother to maintain emotional continuity.
  • The lyrics of 'Oddities' serve as a powerful thematic anchor, emphasizing self-acceptance and belonging. However, the repetition of 'Oddities' in the chorus may feel excessive and could be streamlined to enhance the impact of the message.
  • The visual juxtaposition of the Oddities performing joyfully while Barnum faces protesters outside creates a strong dramatic tension. However, the scene could benefit from more explicit emotional reactions from Barnum as he witnesses the protest, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his conflict.
  • The transition to the next location, where Barnum attempts to mingle with high society, is effective in showcasing his feelings of alienation. However, the scene could be enriched by including more specific interactions or dialogue that highlight his discomfort and the dismissive attitudes of the elite.
  • The introduction of Anne's storyline with the closed shop adds another layer to the theme of exclusion, but it feels somewhat disconnected from Barnum's narrative. A stronger connection between these two storylines could enhance the overall cohesion of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the lyrics to 'Oddities' to reduce redundancy and create a more impactful message. Focus on key phrases that encapsulate the theme of self-acceptance without over-repeating the title.
  • Enhance Barnum's emotional response to the protesters by including a moment of reflection or dialogue that reveals his internal conflict about their rejection versus his desire for societal acceptance.
  • Strengthen the transition between the performance and Barnum's exit by adding a brief moment where he acknowledges the Oddities' performance before stepping out, reinforcing his connection to them despite the external pressures.
  • Incorporate more specific interactions in the high-society scene that illustrate Barnum's feelings of being an outsider, perhaps through snide remarks or dismissive gestures from the elite, to heighten the contrast between his world and theirs.
  • Create a more explicit connection between Anne's experience and Barnum's by having her reflect on his struggles or express her own feelings of exclusion, which would tie their narratives together and reinforce the overarching theme of belonging.



Scene 26 -  Longing for Acceptance
INT. CASTLE GARDEN THEATER - BACKSTAGE - NIGHT *

Barnum smiles and nods to a well-heeled couple, who
completely ignore him as they walk past. We INTERCUT: *

89 THE ODDITIES 89 *

Singing raucously, then, back to... *

90 BARNUM, IN THE HALLWAY 90 *

Trying to engage. People squeeze past, jostling as they try *
to get to Jenny Lind. Finally, he gives up. He turns and
watches as the cream of New York society crowds around Jenny,
showering her with the respect they will never give to him. *

TRACK IN on Barnum, alone, as he stares at Jenny. She is the
personification of everything he’s ever wanted for himself.

Then, in the midst of the crowd, she glances up and sees him
watching her. She smiles at him with warmth and gratitude --
he’s made all this come true. A connection across the room.

Something stirs in Barnum -- a consuming, almost pathological
need for acceptance and adulation. He sees now he will never
get there on his own. He needs Jenny Lind.




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 67.
90 CONTINUED: 90

ODDITIES (V.O.)
WE’RE THE MONSTERS
WE’RE THE FREAKS
WE’RE THE MISFITS
WE’RE THE FREAKS

91 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - SAME 91

BACK AND FORTH between Barnum and the Oddities, wrapping up. *

TOM THUMB
IT AIN’T SO WRONG
WE ALL BELONG
TO ONE FAMILY
AND WE’RE ALL

ODDITIES
ODDITIES.... ODDITIES

The number ends and the crowd APPLAUDS wildly, on their feet. *

92 INT. WINTER GARDEN THEATER - BACKSTAGE - NIGHT 92 *

Barnum stares as Jenny chats with the Winthrops. Grimly *
determined, he moves forward to join the conversation.

He puts on a smile as he joins them, bowing to Mrs. Winthrop *
and shaking Mr. Winthrop’s hand. It’s like shaking hands
with the Devil. As circus APPLAUSE echoes, we CUT TO: *

93 INT. WINTHROP MANSION - NIGHT 93

Quiet. People mingle in the drawing room, while Jenny stands *
beside the piano, greeting well-wishers. Barnum and Charity
stand to one side, taking it all in. Charity asks quietly.

CHARITY
Remind me why you agreed to a private
recital for the Winthrops?

BARNUM
They asked.

CHARITY
Simple as that?

She smiles, wry. Barnum shrugs. She knows him too well.
Charity looks across the room, and gasps softly.

CHARITY (CONT’D)
Oh my God...




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 68.
93 CONTINUED: 93

Barnum follows her gaze to the older couple that has just
entered, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

BARNUM
Is that...?

CHARITY
My parents.

Charity makes eye contact with Mr. and Mrs. Hallet from
across the room. Her mother offers an uncertain smile.

PRE-LAP: Jenny’s singing.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Barnum feels marginalized as he watches the elite crowd at the Castle Garden Theater flock to Jenny Lind, who embodies his aspirations for acceptance. Despite the Oddities celebrating their uniqueness, Barnum grapples with his need for Jenny's validation to elevate his status. The tension escalates during a private recital at the Winthrop Mansion when Charity questions Barnum's motives, and the unexpected arrival of her parents complicates their relationship, leaving Barnum's internal conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Barnum's internal struggle for acceptance and his realization of the stark contrast between his own status and that of Jenny Lind. The emotional depth and conflict add layers to the narrative, making it engaging and thought-provoking.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of seeking acceptance and validation in a society that values status and fame is well-developed. The juxtaposition of Barnum's aspirations with Jenny Lind's success adds complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Barnum navigates the social dynamics at the event and grapples with his feelings of inadequacy. The introduction of Charity's parents adds a new layer of tension and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of acceptance and success, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Barnum, Jenny Lind, and Charity, are well-developed and their motivations and emotions are clearly portrayed. The interactions between the characters drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum experiences a shift in perspective as he realizes the importance of acceptance and validation. This realization sets the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 9

Barnum's internal goal is to seek acceptance and adulation from the elite society, as he realizes he needs Jenny Lind to achieve the success and recognition he desires.

External Goal: 8

Barnum's external goal is to navigate the social dynamics and interactions at the theater, particularly with Jenny Lind and the Winthrops.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily driven by Barnum's internal struggle for acceptance and the external pressures he faces from society and the Winthrops.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with societal norms and personal insecurities creating obstacles for Barnum's goals and desires.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Barnum grapples with his need for acceptance and validation in a society that values status and fame. The potential consequences of his actions add tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Barnum's internal struggles, the dynamics of societal acceptance, and the evolving relationships between the characters. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of character interactions and emotional revelations, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between Barnum's desire for acceptance and the societal norms that dictate who is worthy of respect and admiration. This challenges Barnum's beliefs about success and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from yearning and hope to resentment and ambition. The interactions between the characters and the themes explored contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and desires. It adds depth to the scene and reveals the inner thoughts of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character conflicts, and thematic resonance, drawing the audience into Barnum's struggles and desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, keeping the audience engaged and invested in Barnum's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character development and plot progression, effectively building tension and emotional stakes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Barnum's feelings of isolation and his longing for acceptance, which is a central theme of the screenplay. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by providing more internal conflict for Barnum. While we see his desire for acceptance, exploring his feelings of inadequacy in more depth could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • The intercutting between Barnum and the Oddities is a clever technique that emphasizes the contrast between Barnum's experience and that of the performers. However, the transition between these two worlds could be smoother. The abrupt shifts might confuse the audience, so consider using more visual or auditory cues to signal these transitions.
  • The dialogue in this scene is minimal, which works well for conveying Barnum's internal struggle. However, adding a few lines of internal monologue or a brief exchange with a character could enhance the audience's understanding of his emotional state. This would also provide a moment for Barnum to articulate his feelings, making them more relatable.
  • The introduction of Charity's parents adds an interesting layer of tension, but it feels somewhat abrupt. The scene could benefit from a more gradual build-up to their arrival, perhaps by foreshadowing their presence earlier in the scene or through Barnum's thoughts. This would create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • The visual imagery of Barnum watching Jenny Lind from a distance is powerful, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the crowd, the atmosphere of the theater, or Barnum's physical reactions could immerse the audience further into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Barnum to express his feelings of inadequacy and desire for acceptance, which would deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Smooth out the transitions between Barnum and the Oddities by using visual or auditory cues, such as a specific sound or lighting change, to signal the shifts in focus.
  • Introduce Charity's parents earlier in the scene or provide hints about their arrival to build anticipation and tension before they enter.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the theater, such as the sounds of applause, the chatter of the crowd, or Barnum's physical reactions to the events unfolding around him.
  • Consider expanding the dialogue between Barnum and Charity to explore their relationship dynamics further, especially in light of her parents' arrival, which could add depth to their interactions.



Scene 27 -  A Night of Tension at Winthrop Mansion
94 INT. WINTHROP MANSION - NIGHT - A FEW MINUTES LATER 94

Jenny sings to the assembled guests, accompanied by a lone
pianist. Caroline sits between Barnum and Charity.

JENNY
[SINGS EPIC LOVE SONG]

As Jenny sings, her eyes find Barnum’s in the audience and
rest there, like she’s singing to him. Charity clocks the *
look between them warily. Barnum turns, surveys the audience, *
listening raptly. He finally has an act they can’t say no to.

The SONG ends in applause. Caroline, looking around at the *
reactions of her friends and parents, smiles and claps. *

As Jenny bows, Barnum joins her in the center of the room.
He takes her hands and kisses her ceremonially on each cheek.

BARNUM
Thank you all very much. And thank you,
Miss Lind, for sharing your gift with us.
You know, ladies and gentlemen, these
days, I am largely associated with
elephants and acrobats and oddities.

Here he smiles and gets a bit of a chuckle from the crowd.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
But to me, the noblest art is that of
making others happy. And that applies to
a circus for the masses, or a virtuoso
vocalist for you good people here.

Barnum pauses. ON Charity and Caroline, watching nervously.

CHARITY
(to herself)
No, don’t... Don’t, don’t, please don’t!


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 69.
94 CONTINUED: 94

BARNUM
I grew up not far from here. As a matter
of fact, my father tended the lawns of
some of your homes. So I never imagined
I’d actually be an honored guest in one
of them. Or that I’d own the largest
house in the neighborhood.

Charity closes her eyes in dismay.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Actually, I did imagine it. When you’re
born into poverty -- and treated with
scorn because of it --
(glares at the Hallets)
-- imagination is your only recourse.

Mr. Hallet returns the glare angrily, feeling the eyes of the *
room suddenly on him. Abruptly, he stands and, taking his *
Wife by the arm, exits the room -- walking out in a huff. *

This is an act of social aggression, intended to ostracize *
Barnum. It works: the Winthrops look embarrassed. There are *
MURMURS of disapproval. Judgmental eyes turn back to Barnum. *
Barnum, caught off guard, looks up sees the pained *
expressions of Charity and Caroline. Awkwardly, he wraps up.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
And right now I imagine I’ve said a bit *
too much. Thank you for letting us
entertain you. Good night.

Polite applause. Barnum looks to Caroline, who is mortified. *
As he walks back to rejoin them, Caroline turns, walks away. *
Barnum is stung. Charity looks at him -- sad, acerbic.

CHARITY
You still know how to charm my parents,
don’t you?

BARNUM *
I don’t worry anymore about impressing *
your parents. *

CHARITY *
Clearly. *

She follows Caroline off. Barnum is left alone. He gazes *
around the room -- suddenly, a social pariah again. His face *
hardens -- the chip on his shoulder has just become huge. *

PHILLIP (V.O.)
This is insanity...!
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 70.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary During a gathering at the Winthrop Mansion, Jenny captivates the audience with an epic love song, drawing Barnum's attention and causing unease for Charity. Following the performance, Barnum delivers a heartfelt speech about his humble beginnings and the pursuit of happiness, which inadvertently offends Mr. Hallet and leads to his abrupt departure. The atmosphere shifts from celebratory to tense, leaving Barnum feeling isolated as Charity and Caroline walk away, highlighting his status as a social outcast.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Well-defined characters
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable character reactions
  • Slightly melodramatic tone at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension faced by Barnum in a high-stakes social setting, showcasing his desire for acceptance and recognition.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of social acceptance and ambition is well-developed and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Barnum faces social ostracism and internal conflict, setting up future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of social class and personal ambition, with authentic character interactions and conflicts that feel genuine and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Barnum, Charity, and Caroline, are well-defined and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum experiences a significant emotional setback and realization about his social standing, setting the stage for potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove his worth and gain acceptance in high society. This reflects his deeper desire for validation and recognition, as well as his fear of being judged and rejected due to his humble origins.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to impress the guests and secure their approval for his entertainment act. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in gaining credibility and success in his new venture.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Barnum's desire for acceptance and the social ostracism he faces creates a tense and emotionally charged atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with social barriers, personal conflicts, and unexpected reactions creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of social acceptance and recognition add tension and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and emotional stakes for Barnum, Charity, and Caroline.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected social confrontation and the protagonist's shifting relationships with other characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between social status and personal merit. Barnum's belief in the value of making others happy regardless of background is challenged by the elitist attitudes of the wealthy guests.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially in portraying Barnum's struggle for acceptance and the strained relationships with his family.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional dynamics between the characters, particularly Barnum, Charity, and Caroline.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it builds tension, reveals character dynamics, and sets up future conflicts that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing for emotional beats to land, and maintaining a sense of momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Barnum's aspirations and the societal barriers he faces, particularly through his interaction with the Hallets. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by deepening the internal conflict within Barnum. While he expresses his past struggles, the scene could benefit from more visceral reactions from him as he confronts the judgment of the elite, making his feelings of isolation more palpable.
  • Charity's reactions are crucial in this scene, yet they could be more nuanced. Instead of simply expressing dismay, her internal struggle could be highlighted through more physicality or subtle expressions, allowing the audience to feel her conflict between supporting Barnum and her loyalty to her family. This would add depth to her character and enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain lyrical quality that could elevate the moment, especially given the musical context. Barnum's speech could incorporate more poetic language or metaphors that resonate with the themes of dreams and acceptance, making it more memorable and impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in Barnum's speech. Allowing for pauses after key lines could give the audience time to absorb the weight of his words and the reactions of those around him. This would also create a more dramatic tension as the audience anticipates the fallout from his statements.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the contrast between Barnum's humble beginnings and the opulence of the Winthrop Mansion. However, the staging could be more dynamic. For instance, using the physical space to symbolize Barnum's isolation—perhaps by having him step back from the group as he speaks—could visually reinforce his social alienation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or reflective moments for Barnum to express his feelings of inadequacy and longing for acceptance, which would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Enhance Charity's character by giving her more complex reactions to Barnum's speech, perhaps through a moment of hesitation before she reacts, indicating her torn feelings.
  • Revise Barnum's speech to include more lyrical and metaphorical language that reflects the themes of the story, making it resonate more with the audience.
  • Slow down the pacing of Barnum's speech by incorporating strategic pauses, allowing the audience to digest the emotional weight of his words and the reactions of those around him.
  • Experiment with the staging to visually represent Barnum's isolation, such as positioning him physically apart from the other guests during his speech, to emphasize his social alienation.



Scene 28 -  A Meeting of Ambitions
95 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - BARNUM’S OFFICE - DAY 95

CLOSE ON a poster for the Jenny Lind tour. It is wildly
extravagant -- the 19th Century version of Las Vegas. Barnum
loves it. Phillip is desperately trying to reason with him.

PHILLIP
...A ninety piece orchestra?! Custom
sets! Indoor fireworks! No one’s ever
done anything like this!

BARNUM
Exactly! We’re giving the world
something they’ve never seen before!

PHILLIP
With good reason! You’ve had to pay the
theaters in advance! You’ve paid Jenny
in advance! You won’t see a penny of
profit til the fortieth show, at least!
You’re risking everything you’ve built!

BARNUM
And how do you think I built it? By
risking everything!

Phillip flops down in a chair, anxious and overwhelmed.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Calm down, man. What’s eating you?

Phillip holds up a telegram.

PHILLIP
Miss Lind’s contract.

BARNUM
Isn’t it done? *

PHILLIP
She won’t sign. You’re asking her to do
two shows a night. She insists on one.
You’ve got to hold the line on this, P.T.
You’re risking too much already.

BARNUM
I’ll handle Miss Lind.

Barnum plucks the contract from Phillip’s fingers, grabs his *
hat, heads for the exit. Phillip turns.

PHILLIP
Or will she handle you?


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 71.
95 CONTINUED: 95

But Barnum is already gone.

96 INT. HOTEL DINING ROOM - DAY 96

Barnum walks in to find Jenny finishing a lunch. He has the
papers in his hand, looking serious. She sees him, smiles.

JENNY
Mr. Barnum! To what do I owe the
pleasure?!

BARNUM
I received a draft of your contract.

JENNY
Oh, dear. Is something wrong?

BARNUM
Not at all. It’s just that I have booked
each hall for two shows a night...

JENNY
...And I can only perform once.

Barnum is baffled by this. He strains to be polite.

BARNUM
Is there something else you will be doing
for twenty three hours?

JENNY
Mr. Barnum, I am not a cuckoo clock. To
be perfect, my voice requires rest.

BARNUM
If it is just less than perfect, I assure
you, no one will know the difference.

JENNY
I will know the difference.

BARNUM
But you are not buying tickets.

JENNY
You told me you wanted the best for this
tour, Mr. Barnum. Or was that humbug too?

Her challenge throws Barnum. He struggles to control himself.

BARNUM
I am paying you top dollar.



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 72.
96 CONTINUED: 96

JENNY
This isn’t about money...

BARNUM
What else could it be about?

She looks at him with affection. She’s tacitly pleading with
him to change himself and become “respectable”.

JENNY
The question is simple, Mr. Barnum -- do
you want to give your audience something
real? Or just hoodwink them again?

Barnum half-smiles. He sits next to her, shakes his head.

BARNUM
It’s certainly easier to hoodwink them.
Not to mention more fun and profitable.

She looks at him: what kind of man is he? He nods -- this is
the price of respectability. Holds up the papers.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
I’ll have it changed before you leave.

JENNY
You mean before we leave?

He stops short. They look at each other, both surprised.

BARNUM
You don’t think I’m going with you? *

JENNY
Why would you not?

BARNUM
I have a business to run!

JENNY
I don’t know anyone in this country!

BARNUM
(exasperated)
You’ll meet people!

JENNY
I need someone I can trust!

BARNUM
You can’t trust me! I’m P.T. Barnum!



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 73.
96 CONTINUED: (2) 96

She laughs, letting her eyes linger. He meets her gaze.
There is a connection here. She looks at him, quizzical. *

JENNY
This tour will make your reputation. You
will be the most famous man in America. *
But only if you show up.

She smiles at him -- don’t you want that? He wavers, at war
with himself. Finally, he smiles and nods.

BARNUM
I’ll see you on tour.

She smiles, squeezes his hand, then rises and walks out of
the restaurant. Barnum looks up to see a WAITER holding the
check. He takes the check and sighs, outmaneuvered again.
Genres: ["Musical","Biographical","Drama"]

Summary In Barnum's office, Phillip warns Barnum about the financial risks of Jenny Lind's extravagant tour plans. Barnum, determined to create something unprecedented, confronts Jenny at a hotel dining room, where she emphasizes the importance of quality over quantity in her performances. This challenges Barnum's approach, leading him to agree to change the contract for her to perform once a night. Ultimately, he decides to join Jenny on tour, realizing the significance of the opportunity, while the scene ends with him facing the waiter holding the check, symbolizing his feeling of being outmaneuvered.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tense and engaging dialogue
  • Significant plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of visual spectacle compared to other scenes in the screenplay

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension and emotional depth, as well as showcasing the conflicting priorities of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating a contract with a famous performer adds depth to the story and highlights the challenges faced by Barnum in balancing his ambitions with the needs of his artists.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Barnum navigates the negotiation with Jenny Lind, setting the stage for future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the entertainment industry of the 19th century, exploring themes of ambition, risk-taking, and authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Barnum and Jenny Lind are well-developed and their interactions reveal their motivations and personalities effectively.

Character Changes: 7

Both Barnum and Jenny Lind undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and priorities as they navigate the negotiation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself as a risk-taker and innovator, despite the concerns raised by Phillip. This reflects Barnum's deeper need for validation and success.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Jenny Lind to sign the contract for the tour, despite her reservations. This reflects the immediate challenge of securing the success of the upcoming shows.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Barnum and Jenny Lind over the terms of the contract creates a high-stakes situation that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and values between Barnum and Jenny. Their interactions create tension and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the negotiation, including financial risks and reputational concerns, add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a key conflict and setting up future events in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and decisions. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of authenticity versus deception in entertainment. Jenny challenges Barnum's approach to showmanship, questioning whether he wants to give the audience something real or just hoodwink them.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, as the characters reveal their vulnerabilities and desires during the negotiation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the tension and emotions of the negotiation scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflicts, and sharp dialogue exchanges between the characters. The tension and drama keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and emotional beats. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Barnum's ambition and the practical concerns raised by Phillip. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. For instance, Phillip's anxiety could be more vividly expressed through his body language or internal thoughts, rather than just through dialogue.
  • Barnum's character is portrayed as overly confident, which is consistent with his established persona. However, this scene could explore his vulnerabilities more. For example, showing a moment of doubt or fear about the consequences of his decisions could add depth to his character and make him more relatable.
  • The introduction of Jenny Lind is well-executed, but the transition from Barnum's office to the hotel dining room feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations, emphasizing Barnum's internal struggle as he moves from one setting to another.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and Jenny is engaging, but it sometimes feels too on-the-nose. For instance, Jenny's line about wanting to give the audience something real could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like a direct challenge. This would enhance the authenticity of their interaction.
  • The scene ends with Barnum feeling outmaneuvered, which is a strong emotional note. However, it could be more impactful if there were a visual element that reinforces this feeling, such as a lingering shot of Barnum's expression as he processes the situation after Jenny leaves.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more physicality into Phillip's performance to convey his anxiety. For example, have him fidget with objects on Barnum's desk or pace around the room as he speaks.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or reflection for Barnum before he leaves the office, perhaps looking at the extravagant poster and contemplating the risks involved. This could create a stronger emotional connection to his decision-making process.
  • Consider adding a brief scene transition that visually represents Barnum's internal conflict, such as a shot of him walking through the bustling streets, lost in thought, before entering the hotel dining room.
  • Revise Jenny's dialogue to make it feel more organic. Instead of directly challenging Barnum, she could express her concerns in a more subtle way, perhaps by sharing a personal anecdote about the pressures of performance.
  • Enhance the final moment of the scene by including a close-up shot of Barnum's face as he processes the check, allowing the audience to see the mix of emotions he experiences—frustration, realization, and perhaps a hint of admiration for Jenny's assertiveness.



Scene 29 -  Hearts in Conflict
97 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DUSK (LATER) 97

Phillip walks out of Barnum’s office, looking at artwork for
the Jenny Lind tour. He is troubled and anxious. He stops.

In the middle of the otherwise empty Museum, Anne practices
her acrobatic routine, spinning on a rope high up. She is
graceful, athletic, beautiful. He gazes at her with longing.

Muffled SOUNDS of a RUCKUS outside. Phillip turns, frowns. *

EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAY

Phillip steps outside. In front of the box office, a CROWD *
of PROTESTERS are gathered behind a banner, “LEAGUE OF
DECENCY”. They hold up signs -- “Close the Circus!” and
“Protect Our Children!” A MAN with a bullhorn is shouting.

BULLHORN
Immoral! Indecent! Not fit for polite
society! An insult to family values!

When they see him, the Protesters erupt with CATCALLS and *
BOOS. Phillip is taken aback by their JEERS and angry faces. *
Anne joins him at the door, gazing out fearfully. They share *
a look. Bravely, Phillip goes and confronts the Bullhorn Man. *

PHILLIP
What is going on here? *

BULLHORN
We’re shutting you down!
(into bullhorn)
Freaks belong in freak shows! Not here!
Send them back where they belong!


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 74.
CONTINUED:

PHILLIP
Sir, you have a right to protest, but you
cannot block our ticket booth.

PROTESTER
What are you gonna do about it, boy?!

He shoves Phillip. Phillip, not a fighting man, is stunned. *

PROTESTORS
We don’t want you here! You don’t belong
here! Go back to where you came from!

Anne is incensed. She steps out, pointing at Mr. Bullhorn.

ANNE
I’m from New York! I’m from right here!

BULLHORN
Then go back to where you belong!

PROTESTORS
That’s right! Go home! Go back where
you belong! Go back to Africa!

Anne is stung to the core. Phillip sees this. She turns and
retreats into the museum. He runs in after her.

98-99 OMITTED 98-99

100 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT (LATER) 100

The giant space is empty, quiet. Anne sits on the edge of a
trampoline, shaken and upset. Phillip stands before her,
holding her hand. They are in the middle of a heart-to-
heart. He is courting her, tenderly. She is sad, skeptical.

PHILLIP *
You can’t listen them. Those people are *
hateful. Ignorant.

He tries to touch her face, but she pulls away, nervous. *

ANNE *
Don’t... Please... We shouldn’t even be *
here like this. *

PHILLIP *
Why not? What’s wrong with our being *
together? *

She smiles sadly -- the question seems naive, quixotic. *



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 75.
100 CONTINUED: 100

ANNE *
It is dangerous. *

PHILLIP *
Then let us live dangerously. I won’t *
let those people dictate how I live. *

ANNE
It’s not just them. Look at the world...
Any time I step outside this building... *

PHILLIP
Oh, damn the world! If it is made up of
fools, that is their problem, not yours! *

She looks at him, heart melting. He leans in for a kiss.
Anne leans to kiss him, then pulls away -- sad and scared.

He sees her unhappy reluctance -- he must convince her.
MUSIC starts. Phillip sings a LOVE SONG with a driving beat.

PHILLIP (CONT’D)
YOU KNOW I WANT YOU
IT’S NOT A SECRET I TRY TO HIDE
I KNOW YOU WANT ME
SO WHY KEEP SAYING OUR HANDS ARE TIED?

YOU CLAIM IT’S NOT IN THE CARDS
AND FATE IS PULLING YOU MILES AWAY
AND OUT OF REACH FROM ME
BUT YOU’RE HERE IN MY HEART
SO WHO CAN STOP ME IF I DECIDE THAT
YOU’RE MY DESTINY?

She climbs the trapeze ladder... dives onto the trampoline,
then bounces and rotates elegantly in the air... landing
directly in front of Phillip. He pulls her into a dance.

PHILLIP (CONT’D)
SO WHAT IF WE REWRITE THE STARS
SAY YOU WERE MADE TO BE MINE
NOTHING COULD KEEP US APART
YOU’D BE THE ONE I WAS MEANT TO FIND
IT’S UP TO YOU
AND IT’S UP TO ME
NO ONE CAN SAY WHAT WE GET TO BE
SO WHY DON’T WE REWRITE THE STARS
BABY THE WORLD COULD BE OURS
TONIGHT

Phillip lets her go.




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 76.
100 CONTINUED: (2) 100

ANNE
YOU THINK IT’S EASY?
YOU THINK I DON’T WANT TO RUN TO YOU?
BUT THERE ARE MOUNTAINS *
AND THERE ARE DOORS THAT WE CAN’T WALK THROUGH

Phillip starts up the ladder. He takes a blind leap, landing *
unsteadily on the trampoline. They dance again, closer now.

ANNE (CONT’D)
SO HOW DO WE REWRITE THE STARS?
SAY YOU WERE MADE TO BE MINE
WHEN EVERYTHING KEEPS US APART
CAN YOU BE THE ONE I WAS MEANT TO FIND
IS IT UP TO YOU?
IS IT UP TO ME?
WHEN EVERYONE TELLS US WHAT WE CAN BE
HOW DO WE REWRITE THE STARS?
CHANGING THE WORLD TO BE OURS
TONIGHT.

Phillip grabs a low-hanging trapeze and they sit on it,
swinging higher and higher. They drop off the trapeze and
fall to the trampoline, where they lie together, singing.

ANNE & PHILLIP
SO HOW DO WE REWRITE THE STARS
SAY YOU WERE MADE TO BE MINE
NOTHING CAN KEEP US APART
IF YOU ARE THE ONE I WAS MEANT TO FIND *

He helps her off the trampoline. They hold each other close.

ANNE & PHILLIP (CONT’D)
IT’S UP TO YOU *
AND IT’S UP TO ME
NO ONE CAN SAY WHAT WE GET TO BE
SO HOW DO WE REWRITE THE STARS
CHANGING THE WORLD TO BE OURS
TONIGHT

As the SONG ends, they seem about to kiss... She pulls back.

Eyes filling with tears, she shakes her head -- it can’t work
between them. She turns, walks away. He watches, heartbroken.

101-3 OMITTED 101-3
Genres: ["Musical","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Phillip, troubled by the upcoming Jenny Lind tour, encounters Anne practicing her acrobatics, only to be confronted by a hostile crowd of protesters led by a man with a bullhorn. The hateful slogans deeply affect Anne, prompting a heartfelt conversation between her and Phillip inside the museum. Despite Phillip's declarations of love and their duet about rewriting their destinies, Anne ultimately feels their relationship is too dangerous and pulls away, leaving Phillip heartbroken as she walks away.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Musical integration
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Societal stereotypes
  • Predictable romantic conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally charged, well-executed, and pivotal in developing the relationship between Phillip and Anne. The musical number adds a unique and engaging element to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forbidden love and societal prejudice is effectively portrayed through the interactions between Phillip and Anne.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as Phillip and Anne confront the challenges of their relationship and the external pressures they face.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of forbidden love and societal opposition, with a musical twist that adds emotional depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Phillip and Anne's characters are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed convincingly, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Phillip and Anne experience internal conflict and growth in the scene, particularly in their defiance of societal expectations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to convince Anne to take a chance on their relationship despite societal opposition. This reflects his desire for love and connection, as well as his willingness to challenge societal norms.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the protesters and protect the circus from being shut down. This reflects his immediate challenge of dealing with public backlash and maintaining the circus's reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between societal norms and the characters' desires creates tension and emotional depth in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protesters challenging the protagonist's beliefs and the societal norms that threaten his relationship with Anne.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes involve the characters risking societal backlash and personal happiness for their forbidden love.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the relationship between Phillip and Anne, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected confrontation with the protesters and the emotional turmoil of the characters' relationship.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the clash between societal norms and personal desires. The protesters represent traditional values, while the protagonist and Anne challenge these beliefs with their love and defiance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the portrayal of forbidden love and societal prejudice.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and reflective of the characters' internal struggles and the societal conflicts they face.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, dramatic conflict, and musical interludes that heighten the tension and romance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension, emotional stakes, and character development, leading to a climactic musical moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a musical drama, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension, emotional resolution, and a cliffhanger ending.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between societal rejection and personal desire, particularly through the interactions between Phillip and Anne. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by providing more context about Anne's background and her previous experiences with rejection, which would deepen the audience's understanding of her reluctance to pursue a relationship with Phillip.
  • The dialogue is engaging, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly when Phillip declares, 'Oh, damn the world!' This could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like a rallying cry, which would enhance the authenticity of their conversation.
  • The transition from the external conflict with the protesters to the internal conflict between Phillip and Anne is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could be achieved by incorporating a moment where Phillip reflects on the protesters' words before turning to Anne, which would create a stronger emotional connection between the two conflicts.
  • The musical number is a strong element, but it could benefit from more visual storytelling. For instance, incorporating more choreography that reflects their emotional journey would enhance the impact of the song. The physicality of their movements could mirror the tension and longing in their relationship.
  • The ending of the scene, where Anne pulls away from Phillip, is poignant but could be more impactful if it included a visual cue that symbolizes her internal struggle. Perhaps a close-up shot of her expression or a lingering moment where she hesitates before leaving could emphasize her emotional turmoil.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or a line that hints at Anne's past experiences with rejection to provide context for her fears about their relationship.
  • Revise Phillip's dialogue to make it feel more organic and less like a scripted line. This could involve using more colloquial language or a more personal expression of his feelings.
  • Create a more gradual transition between the external protest and the internal conversation by having Phillip reflect on the protesters' words before turning to Anne, which would tie the two conflicts together more cohesively.
  • Enhance the musical number with more dynamic choreography that visually represents the emotional stakes of their relationship, allowing the audience to feel the tension and connection between the characters.
  • Add a visual cue at the end of the scene that highlights Anne's internal conflict, such as a close-up of her face or a moment of hesitation before she walks away, to leave a lasting emotional impact on the audience.



Scene 30 -  Ambition vs. Family
INT. BANK - PRESIDENT’S OFFICE - MANHATTAN - DUSK

Barnum sits with the BANK PRESIDENT as a CLERK enters with a
sheaf of papers. He sets the papers before Barnum.



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 77.
CONTINUED:

BARNUM *
I appreciate your making this loan to me *
on short notice... *

BANK PRESIDENT
Usually we discourage using one’s own *
home as collateral. But it’s quite a lot
you’re borrowing for this tour... *

Barnum hesitates, then signs the document.

BARNUM
Let’s keep this between us, if you don’t
mind. I don’t want to worry Mrs. Barnum.

The banker nods, though he can’t hide his concern

104 INT. BARNUM MANSION - BEDROOM - DAWN 104

Barnum finishes packing his suitcase while Charity sits up in
bed, watching him.

CHARITY
I don’t understand why you’re leaving.

BARNUM
I just need to be there.

CHARITY
Why? What are we risking this time?

BARNUM
Just the usual.

This is true only technically -- he is risking everything.

CHARITY
Then don’t go. Don’t go -- I mean it.

BARNUM
This will be the biggest musical tour in
the history of the country.

CHARITY
They’ll do fine without you.

BARNUM
We’re going to make millions --

CHARITY
We don’t need millions.

He looks up at her, as a tear run down her face.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 78.
104 CONTINUED: 104

CHARITY (CONT’D)
When is it going to be enough?! What’s *
the point of it all -- those two girls, *
this family -- if you’re never here? *

BARNUM
I will be, as soon as the tour is over.

CHARITY
(darkly)
The tour will never be over.

BARNUM
That’s ridiculous.

CHARITY
Is it? You don’t need the whole world to
love you, Phin. Just a few good people.

She stares at him, can feel him wavering.

CHARITY (CONT’D)
Don’t go, Phin. Please.

He considers, but he’s not ready to hear everything she said.

BARNUM
I have to. I’m sorry.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene, Barnum meets with the Bank President to secure a loan for his upcoming tour, using his home as collateral while keeping it a secret from his wife, Charity. Later, Charity confronts him about his decision to leave, expressing her fears about the risks and the impact on their family. Despite her emotional pleas, Barnum insists he must go, believing in the tour's potential success. The scene highlights the unresolved conflict between Barnum's ambition and Charity's concern for their family's well-being, ending with Charity in tears as Barnum prepares to leave.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character conflict
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflict faced by Barnum, drawing the audience into his internal struggle and highlighting the high stakes involved in his decision.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of balancing ambition with family responsibilities is compelling and relatable, adding depth to Barnum's character and driving the narrative forward.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Barnum makes a crucial decision to embark on a risky tour, setting up potential conflicts and consequences for future events.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the conflict between ambition and family, with authentic dialogue and complex character motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Barnum and Charity, are well-developed and their emotional depth adds complexity to the scene. Their conflicting desires and motivations create tension and drive the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum's decision to leave for the tour marks a significant change in his character, highlighting his prioritization of ambition over family in this moment.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to balance his ambition for success with his desire to maintain his family life. He struggles with the fear of losing his family while pursuing his dreams.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to secure a loan for his musical tour and ensure its success. This goal reflects the immediate financial challenges he faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Barnum's ambition and Charity's desire for him to stay creates tension and emotional stakes, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotional turmoil between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involved in Barnum's decision to leave for the tour, risking his family and financial stability, add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up potential conflicts and consequences for Barnum's tour, driving the narrative towards future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's wavering decisions and the emotional intensity of the conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's ambition for success and his wife's desire for a stable family life. It challenges his values and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly sadness and concern, as Barnum grapples with his decision to leave his family for his ambitious tour.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflict between Barnum and Charity, revealing their inner thoughts and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional conflict between characters and the high stakes involved in the protagonist's decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation between characters, building tension and emotional stakes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Barnum and Charity, showcasing their conflicting desires and the emotional stakes involved. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. For instance, instead of stating 'Just the usual' when Charity asks what they are risking, Barnum could express a more nuanced fear or hope that reflects his internal struggle.
  • Charity's emotional appeal is strong, but her character could be further developed by providing more context about her feelings. Adding a line that references a specific past experience where Barnum's ambition led to a negative outcome could enhance the audience's understanding of her perspective.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from the bank to the bedroom. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue, such as Barnum looking at a family photo before leaving, could heighten the emotional impact and give the audience a moment to absorb the gravity of his decision.
  • While the stakes are clear, the scene could benefit from a stronger visual contrast between the sterile environment of the bank and the intimate setting of the bedroom. This contrast could symbolize the clash between Barnum's public ambitions and his private life, enhancing the thematic depth of the scene.
  • The use of tears in Charity's dialogue is effective, but it could be more impactful if it were accompanied by physical actions that convey her emotional state, such as her reaching out to Barnum or physically blocking his path, which would visually represent her desperation.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal deeper emotions and motivations. For example, have Barnum express a specific fear about failing the tour or a longing for acceptance that drives his ambition.
  • Add a line or two that references a past incident where Barnum's ambition negatively impacted their family, providing context for Charity's concerns and making her emotional plea more relatable.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing by including a moment of reflection for Barnum before he leaves, perhaps by showing him looking at a family photo or recalling a cherished memory with Charity and the girls.
  • Enhance the visual contrast between the bank and the bedroom to symbolize the conflict between Barnum's public ambitions and his private life. This could be achieved through lighting, set design, or even the characters' costumes.
  • Include physical actions from Charity that emphasize her emotional state, such as reaching out to Barnum or blocking his path, to visually represent her desperation and make the scene more dynamic.



Scene 31 -  A Bittersweet Farewell
105 EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY 105

Barnum has turned the kick-off of the tour into a 19th
century media circus, with an entire train commandeered and
painted to advertise the event. Jenny Lind moves down the
platform, surrounded by REPORTERS and FANS.

Barnum kisses his girls goodbye. They cry and hug him. He
turns to Charity, who is still cross. He kisses her cheek.

BARNUM
I’ll be back as soon as I can.

She is unrelenting. The train whistles. He shrugs sadly,
turns and heads to the train. Charity eyes Jenny Lind, *
blowing kisses to her fans. She watches Barnum disappear *
onto the train. We STAY ON CHARITY as she sings “Tightrope,” *
a song conveying her fears about Barnum leaving with Jenny.

CHARITY
SOME PEOPLE LONG FOR A LIFE THAT IS
SIMPLE AND PLANNED
TIED WITH A RIBBON
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
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105 CONTINUED: 105
CHARITY (CONT'D)
SOME PEOPLE WON'T SAIL THE SEA 'CAUSE
THEY'RE SAFER ON LAND
TO FOLLOW WHAT'S WRITTEN
BUT I'D
FOLLOW YOU TO THE GREAT UNKNOWN
OFF TO A WORLD WE CALL OUR OWN *

108 INT. THEATER - NIGHT 108 *

Jenny finishes singing on stage and basks in the loud *
applause and thrown flowers. Barnum stands in the wings,
watching happily. She turns to smile at Barnum in the wings,
who smiles back, elated at her reception.

CHARITY (V.O.)
HAND IN MY HAND
AND WE PROMISE TO NEVER LET GO
WE'RE WALKIN' A TIGHTROPE

INT. RECITAL THEATER - NIGHT *

Caroline finishes a small ballet recital with her fellow *
Ballerinas. They bow. In the audience of parents and *
friends, Charity and Helen applaud. Barnum is not there. *

CHARITY (V.O.) *
HIGH IN THE SKY *
WE CAN SEE THE WHOLE WORLD DOWN BELOW
WE'RE WALKING A TIGHTROPE

INT. HOUSE - LATE NIGHT

Charity walks through the giant house alone. Lonely, she
dances by herself, imagining him there. On the floor, his
SHADOW joins with hers, dancing, though her arms are empty.

CHARITY
NEVER SURE, NEVER KNOW HOW FAR WE COULD FALL
BUT IT'S ALL AN ADVENTURE THAT COMES WITH
A BREATHTAKING VIEW
WALKIN' A TIGHTROPE
WITH YOU-OO-OO-OO-OO
WITH YOU-OO-OO-OO-OO WITH YOU

110 INT. RESTAURANT - DAY 110

Barnum and Jenny are guests of honor at a huge dinner party
in Chicago. The Mayor raises a toast to Jenny. Jenny stands
and bows graciously. Then she reaches for Barnum. He
resists, but she coaxes him to his feet. Everyone applauds. *




(CONTINUED)
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110 CONTINUED: 110

CHARITY
MOUNTAINS AND VALLEYS AND ALL THAT WILL
COME IN BETWEEN
DESERT AND OCEAN
YOU PULL ME IN AND TOGETHER WE'RE LOST IN
A DREAM
ALWAYS IN MOTION
SO I RISK IT ALL
JUST TO BE WITH YOU
AND I RISK IT ALL
FOR THIS LIFE WE CHOOSE
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary Barnum orchestrates a grand send-off at the train station for his tour with Jenny Lind, leaving his wife Charity feeling neglected and heartbroken. As she bids him farewell, she expresses her fears through the song 'Tightrope,' reflecting on her loneliness and the risks of their relationship. The scene transitions to a celebratory dinner party for Barnum and Jenny, further emphasizing Charity's absence and emotional turmoil.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Musical integration
Weaknesses
  • Lack of Barnum's perspective
  • Limited interaction between characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional struggles of the characters and sets up a significant turning point in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of love, sacrifice, and uncertainty is well-executed through the interactions and emotions of the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Barnum embarks on a tour with Jenny Lind, creating tension and emotional conflict within the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on themes of love, loss, and sacrifice, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotions and relationships are central to the scene, driving the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

Charity experiences a significant emotional change as she grapples with Barnum's departure, showcasing her vulnerability and strength.

Internal Goal: 8

Charity's internal goal is to come to terms with her fears and insecurities about Barnum leaving with Jenny Lind.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal is to successfully launch the tour with Jenny Lind and manage the media circus surrounding it.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflicts and emotional struggles of the characters create a sense of tension and uncertainty.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, particularly Charity's internal conflict, adds complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Barnum leaves on tour with Jenny Lind, impacting his relationships and the future of his circus.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by setting up a crucial moment in Barnum's journey and the emotional arc of the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of character emotions and choices, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The conflict between following societal norms and pursuing personal desires is evident in Charity's struggle with Barnum's choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, longing, and love, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and inner conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, character conflicts, and introspective moments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, enhancing its impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the emotional beats and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for emotional character development and narrative progression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional tension between Barnum and Charity as he departs for the tour with Jenny Lind. However, the transition from the train station to the theater feels abrupt. The emotional weight of Charity's feelings could be further emphasized by lingering on her reactions before cutting to the next location.
  • Charity's song 'Tightrope' serves as a powerful emotional anchor, but the lyrics could be more tightly integrated with the visuals. For instance, as she sings about longing and fear, the visuals could reflect her internal struggle more vividly, perhaps through flashbacks or more intimate moments that highlight her relationship with Barnum.
  • The juxtaposition of Charity's loneliness with Barnum's success at the theater is poignant, but it risks feeling disjointed. The scene could benefit from smoother transitions that connect Charity's emotional state with Barnum's experiences, reinforcing the theme of separation and longing.
  • While the use of voiceover for Charity's song is effective, it may dilute the impact of her performance. Consider showing her singing live at the train station or in a more intimate setting, allowing the audience to connect with her emotions in real-time rather than through a voiceover.
  • The visual imagery of Charity dancing alone in the house is evocative, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the atmosphere, such as the dim lighting or the echo of her footsteps, could deepen the audience's emotional engagement with her solitude.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Barnum acknowledges Charity's feelings before he leaves, which could heighten the emotional stakes and make his departure feel more impactful.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating a brief flashback during Charity's song that highlights a happier moment between her and Barnum, contrasting it with her current loneliness and enhancing the emotional resonance.
  • To create a stronger connection between the scenes, consider using visual motifs or recurring symbols that represent Barnum and Charity's relationship, such as a shared object or a specific color palette that shifts between their perspectives.
  • Enhance the emotional climax of Charity's song by allowing her to express her feelings more explicitly, perhaps through a direct confrontation with Barnum or a moment of vulnerability that reveals her fears about their relationship.
  • Consider ending the scene with a visual metaphor that encapsulates Charity's emotional state, such as a shot of her watching the train disappear into the distance, symbolizing her feelings of abandonment and longing.



Scene 32 -  Torn Between Two Worlds
111 INT. HOUSE - NIGHT 111 *

At the Barnum house, Charity and the girls eat dinner. They *
are telling stories and laughing. But Charity can’t help *
notice Barnum’s place at the table is conspicuously vacant. *

CHARITY (V.O.)
HAND IN MY HAND
AND WE PROMISE TO NEVER LET GO
WE'RE WALKIN' A TIGHTROPE
HIGH IN THE SKY
WE CAN SEE THE WHOLE WORLD DOWN BELOW

INT. BOOKSTORE - DAY *

At a bookstore in Kansas City, Barnum signs copies of his
latest autobiography. Jenny stands by his side, at one point
resting her hand on his shoulder in an almost wifely pose.

CHARITY (V.O.)
WE'RE WALKING A TIGHTROPE
NEVER SURE, BUT YOU'LL CATCH ME IF I SHOULD FALL

113 EXT. BOOKSTORE, NEW YORK - DAY 113 *

In New York, Charity and the girls walk up the street, in *
good spirits. They stop in front of a bookstore, surprised. *

ANGLE -- Barnum’s autobiography is on display under a sign: *
NUMBER ONE BEST SELLER NEXT TO THE BIBLE! It’s bittersweet *
for Caroline and Helen, a reminder of their absent father.

114 INT. THEATER - NIGHT 114 *

Another theater, another city. Jenny, now in a fur stole,
basks in yet another ecstatic response. Barnum watches from
the wings. Then Jenny turns, extends a hand to him. Barnum,
self-conscious, walks out and joins her, taking her hand.

They bow together, as the entire theater applauds. FLASHBULBS
pop, lighting them up together in the spotlight of fame.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 81.


INT. HOUSE - MORNING

Charity, Caroline, and Helen eat breakfast. Charity opens
the newspaper and stops. There is a picture of Barnum and
Jenny together on stage -- bowing, holding hands. *

106 EXT. TRAIN - NIGHT 106

The train whips through the countryside.

INT. TRAIN - NIGHT

Barnum sits next to Jenny, who looks out the window. Then
she turns and catches his eye, offering a vulnerable smile.
He smiles back, reassuring. Jenny closes her eyes, leans her
head against his shoulder. Barnum lets her.

CHARITY
AND IT'S ALL AN ADVENTURE THAT COMES WITH
A BREATHTAKING VIEW
WALKIN' A TIGHTROPE
WITH YOU-OO-OO-OO-OO
WITH YOU-OO-OO-OO-OO WITH YOU
WITH YOU-OO-OO-OO-OO WITH YOU
WITH YOU *

115 INT. CINCINNATI HOTEL - SUITE - DAY 115

Jenny opens a door and lets Barnum into her hotel suite. He
sweeps in as if walking on air -- high-spirited, elated.

BARNUM
Good afternoon, Miss Lind.

JENNY
Mr. Barnum. Don’t be shy. Come in.

BARNUM
I don’t know if you’d had a chance to see
the review in today’s paper.

He holds up a folded newspaper. She plucks it from him with
a self-mocking smile, turns and leads him to the living room.

JENNY
Oh, I never read reviews.

BARNUM
Neither do I. And yet here we are.

JENNY
Here we are. Did they have anything kind
to say?


(CONTINUED)
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115 CONTINUED: 115

He plucks the paper back out of her hand, and reads from it
as Jenny sits on the couch and pours two glasses of wine.

BARNUM
“Miss Lind is a virtuoso... The diva of
her generation... Her beauty surpassed
only by her talent...”

He smiles, offers her the paper. She takes it and scans it
quickly. Finding something, she smiles, reading aloud.

JENNY
“In bringing Miss Lind to our shores, we
owe Mr. Barnum our most humble gratitude.
The erstwhile showman and one-time Prince
of Humbug has transformed himself into a
patron of the arts and a connoisseur of
the highest order.”

She looks up -- happy for him. He’s a bit embarrassed by how
much this anonymous praise means to him. He shrugs.

BARNUM
You dream and dream... And one day it
comes true.

It’s touching. He’s almost like a little boy. She stands
and hands him a glass of wine.

JENNY
It’s what you do. Make dreams come true.

She clinks his glass, takes a sip. Suddenly, he sees where
this is going. He wavers -- torn between staying with her
and leaving. Then he takes a quick sip, checks his watch.

BARNUM
Well, two hours to curtain. I’m due at
the box office to go through receipts.

JENNY
Stay for a moment? Please? I’ve been
alone all day.

She sits on the sofa primly. He relents and sits beside her.

BARNUM
Of course.

She looks down, staring at her drink, and laughs to herself.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
What are you laughing at?


(CONTINUED)
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115 CONTINUED: (2) 115

She shakes her head, keeps her eyes on the wine glass.

JENNY
When I first met you? I didn’t know what
to think. You were so... Unrefined.
Unembarrassed. So vital and unafraid.

BARNUM
And what do you think of me now?

She gazes down, unable to meet his eyes.

JENNY
You have surprised the world, Mr. Barnum.
And you have surprised me.

She takes his hand. He lets her. Quietly, she confesses.

JENNY (CONT’D)
You have taken me in, stolen my heart.
You have become everything to me.

She looks up at him -- she is his. She leans toward him.
There is no denying her beauty, or the emotion in her eyes.
All he has to do is lean forward. And for a moment, he is
tempted. But then, just as it seems they will kiss...

BARNUM
I must go home.

He pulls away, gets to his feet. Jenny is stunned, mortified.

JENNY
Phineas --

BARNUM
I have stayed too long. I can’t be away
from my family anymore. I am wasting my
time here.

He immediately knows that came out wrong. Jenny turns away, *
stung. Barnum backtracks quickly and nervously.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
What I mean to say is: Mr. Bennett has
the itinerary well in hand. I’m not
serving any real purpose here. I’m going
home tomorrow. Please, tell me you’ll go
on without me. You must finish the tour.

She looks at him as if seeing him for the first time.




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 84.
115 CONTINUED: (3) 115

JENNY
Is that all? Do I mean nothing to you?

He can’t answer. Jenny turns away, hiding her hurt.

JENNY (CONT’D)
Of course. Go home to your wife.

BARNUM
Thank you, Jenny. Thank you so much.

He starts to leave, then looks at her. Kindly, with regret.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
If I have misrepresented my intentions
toward you in any way, I am very sorry.

She nods and turns toward him, putting on a brave face.

JENNY
You’ll come tonight, yes? One last show?

BARNUM
(smiles)
I wouldn’t miss it.

Barnum leaves. Jenny watches the door, wiping away a single
tear. Her expression hardens as she looks in to the mirror.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this bittersweet scene, Charity and her daughters share a dinner filled with longing for Barnum, who is away experiencing success with Jenny Lind. As Barnum navigates his complicated feelings for Jenny in various glamorous settings, he ultimately chooses to return to his family, leaving Jenny heartbroken. The emotional tension highlights Barnum's struggle between ambition and familial duty, culminating in a poignant farewell that resonates with both Charity and the girls.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in Barnum's decision-making process

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and crucial for character development and plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of balancing personal dreams with family responsibilities is effectively portrayed through Barnum's interactions with Jenny Lind.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as Barnum grapples with his feelings for Jenny Lind and ultimately chooses to prioritize his family over his ambitions.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on themes of love, sacrifice, and ambition. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and emotionally resonant, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Barnum and Jenny Lind, are well-developed and their emotional depth adds layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Barnum experiences a significant internal change as he confronts his feelings for Jenny Lind and makes a decision based on his values.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his feelings for Jenny while staying true to his commitment to his family. He struggles with temptation and the desire for personal fulfillment versus his responsibilities.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain his professional reputation and fulfill his obligations to his tour and business endeavors. He must balance his personal and professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflict within Barnum regarding his feelings for Jenny Lind and his loyalty to his family creates tension and emotional depth.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, moral dilemmas, and emotional stakes. The audience is left uncertain about the protagonist's choices and their consequences.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Barnum as he must choose between his personal ambitions and his family, which could have long-lasting consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Barnum's internal struggle and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional turns, moral dilemmas, and character revelations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the protagonist's decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's values of family, loyalty, and integrity versus personal desires, ambition, and the pursuit of success. It challenges his moral compass and sense of duty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in Barnum's decision to prioritize his family over his ambitions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and moral dilemmas. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's internal struggles and conflicting desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, emotional intensity, and character development. It maintains a balance between dialogue, action, and introspection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to expected formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear transitions between locations and character interactions. It maintains a consistent pace and rhythm, enhancing the emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Barnum's glamorous life on tour with Charity's emotional struggle at home, highlighting the central conflict of the story: the tension between ambition and family. However, the transitions between locations could be smoother to maintain emotional continuity. The abrupt shifts from the dinner table to the bookstore and theater may disorient the audience.
  • Charity's voiceover is poignant and serves to connect her feelings with Barnum's experiences. However, the lyrics could be more integrated into the narrative rather than feeling like a separate element. This would enhance the emotional weight of her perspective and create a stronger thematic resonance.
  • Barnum's internal conflict is well portrayed through his interactions with Jenny, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. While he expresses his desire to return home, the emotional stakes could be heightened by showing more of his internal struggle, perhaps through more conflicted body language or hesitation in his speech.
  • Jenny's character is compelling, but her motivations could be clearer. While she expresses affection for Barnum, the scene could delve deeper into her feelings of abandonment and desire for validation, making her emotional investment in Barnum more relatable and complex.
  • The ending of the scene, where Barnum leaves Jenny, is impactful but could be strengthened by a more explicit acknowledgment of the consequences of his decision. A moment of reflection or a more visceral reaction from Jenny could enhance the emotional climax of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Charity looking at a family photo or a memento of Barnum before the dinner scene to deepen her sense of loss and connection to him.
  • Enhance the transitions between locations by using visual motifs or sound cues that echo Charity's feelings, creating a more cohesive emotional experience for the audience.
  • Incorporate more physicality into Barnum's dialogue with Jenny to convey his internal conflict. Small gestures, like fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, could illustrate his struggle between desire and duty.
  • Explore Jenny's character further by including a line or two that reveals her own vulnerabilities or fears about the tour and her relationship with Barnum, making her more relatable.
  • Strengthen the emotional impact of the scene's conclusion by adding a moment where Barnum hesitates at the door, reflecting on his choice, or where Jenny allows herself to show more vulnerability after he leaves.



Scene 33 -  A Night of Farewells and Flames
116 INT. CINCINNATI THEATER - STAGE - NIGHT (LATER) 116

Yet another audience is on its feet. Jenny takes her bow.

PEOPLE IN AUDIENCE
Encore!!!

Jenny finds Barnum in the wings and summons him out. He
resists but she is insistent. Finally he steps out and bows
with her. She takes his hand and raises it with hers.

A number of camera FLASHES go off from the photographers
positioned in front of the stage. Jenny takes note of the
photographers and then, suddenly grabs Barnum and kisses him
full on the lips. In the darkness, the FLASHES continue.

Barnum pulls back in shock. She smiles at him sadly.

BARNUM
What was that?!

JENNY
Goodbye. *
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 85.


117 OMITTED 117

INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT

The musical finale features most of the Oddities, including
Tom, Lettie, Chang and Eng, and the Lord of Leeds. They are
joined by Anne and some ACROBATS. They slowly become aware
of a disturbance in the audience.

PROTESTER #1
Shut it down! Shut it down!

In the back of the hall, a group of the PROTESTERS we’ve seen
outside earlier are causing a disturbance.

The Oddities begin to falter, unsure of themselves. They
look to the wings, where Phillip stands in Barnum’s place.
He nods, gives them a reassuring signal. The show must go on.

PROTESTER #2
You’re all freaks!

PROTESTER #3
We don’t want your freak show here!

PROTESTER #4
Go back where you belong!

On stage, the troupe stops. Protesters SHOUT in unison:

PROTESTERS
Shut it down! Shut it down!

The whole show has been disrupted. Phillip leaves the wings
and waves protectively to the Performers.

PHILLIP
Stand back! Stand back!

They retreat. He steps forward, addresses the Protesters.

PHILLIP (CONT’D)
Gentleman, please -- either quiet down or
I’ll have to ask you to leave.

PROTESTER #1
Yeah, boy? You gonna make us?

W.D. (O.C.)
No. I will.

Phillip turns to see W.D., pissed, come out and join him.
ON ANNE, clocking her brother’s defense of Phillip.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 86.
CONTINUED:

Protester #1, challenged, looks to his confederates. In
unison, they charge into the ring, attacking W.D. He
flattens the first Protester with a right hook. The others
jump him. W.D. takes them all on, but he’s outnumbered.

Phillip throws himself into the fight, pulling the Protestors
off W.D. A melee breaks out, W.D. and Phillip putting up a
good fight, but clearly outmatched. The AUDIENCE cries out
and retreats from the ring, clutching children protectively.

The show is a shambles. The Protesters have succeeded --
they shut the Circus down. Feeling triumphant, they pump
their fists and head to the exit, leaving Phillip and W.D.
battered but unbroken. They all retreat into --

THE LOBBY AREA

Where the gang of Protesters suddenly stop, STARTLED to see:

A platoon of CIRCUS PERFORMERS -- twenty strong at least, not *
just Oddities, but jugglers, acrobats. Standing at the
front, glaring, are Lettie, Tom Thumb, O’Clancy, etc.

LETTIE
You boys don’t like the circus?
(deep voice)
We don’t like you either.

The Performers ATTACK. They outnumber the Protesters and,
being circus performers, some of them are freakishly strong.
In no time the gang is left in a pile on the floor.

TOM THUMB
(brandishes his fists)
You want more of this, fellas? I got
plenty to go around!

The Protesters scramble and quickly retreat. At the door, a
beaten Protester sees an oil lantern hanging on the wall.

He picks it up, turns, and throws it spitefully onto a bed of
feeding hay. The lantern breaks and the hay catches fire.
It spreads to curtains. Suddenly, there are fires spreading
everywhere. The Performers rush to try to put them out.

The Protesters share a wicked grin, retreat into the night.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama","Romance","Action"]

Summary In a Cincinnati theater, Jenny takes a bow after her performance, prompting an encore and a surprising goodbye kiss with Barnum, leaving him shocked. The scene shifts to Barnum's museum, where a musical finale is interrupted by protesters, leading to a chaotic confrontation. Phillip and W.D. initially struggle against the outnumbering protesters but are soon joined by other performers. The conflict escalates when a protester ignites a fire, causing chaos as the performers scramble to extinguish the flames.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Resilient characters
  • Powerful themes
  • Memorable moments
Weaknesses
  • Chaotic pacing
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging and impactful, with a mix of intense emotions, dramatic conflict, and significant character moments. The confrontation between the performers and protesters adds depth and tension to the story, making it a pivotal moment in the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the clash between societal norms and the unique individuals in the circus, is well-executed and adds depth to the overall story. The idea of standing up against prejudice and fighting for acceptance is effectively portrayed through the conflict.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around the disruption of the circus show by protesters and the subsequent confrontation between the performers and the protesters. It moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges faced by the circus troupe and setting up further conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of acceptance and diversity through the lens of a circus show facing opposition. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene show resilience, unity, and defiance in the face of adversity. Their actions and reactions during the confrontation with the protesters reveal their strengths and vulnerabilities, adding depth to their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Some characters show growth and development during the scene, particularly in their resilience and unity in the face of adversity. The confrontation with the protesters challenges their beliefs and strengthens their bonds, leading to subtle but meaningful changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Jenny's internal goal is to say goodbye to Barnum in a meaningful way, reflecting her deeper desire for closure and emotional connection.

External Goal: 9

The external goal is to deal with the protesters and protect the performers, reflecting the immediate challenge of maintaining the show despite opposition.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with a physical confrontation between the performers and the protesters, leading to a chaotic and intense showdown. The clash of ideologies and the fight for acceptance create a tense and dramatic atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with protesters disrupting the show and engaging in physical conflict with the performers.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the performers face the threat of prejudice, discrimination, and violence from the protesters. Their fight for acceptance and equality carries significant consequences for their livelihoods and relationships, raising the tension and drama of the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant conflict, showcasing the characters' strengths and vulnerabilities, and setting up future challenges and developments. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative, driving the plot towards a resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events, such as the protesters starting a fire and the performers fighting back.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between acceptance and rejection of diversity and uniqueness. The protesters represent narrow-mindedness and prejudice, while the performers embody acceptance and unity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, triumph, defiance, and hope. The characters' struggles and resilience resonate with the audience, creating a powerful and memorable moment in the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, with strong statements of defiance, anger, and solidarity from both the performers and the protesters. The exchanges between the characters effectively convey the emotions and tensions of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, emotional moments, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for screenplay writing, making it easy to follow and visualize the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and resolves conflicts, fitting the genre of drama.


Critique
  • The emotional impact of Jenny's kiss and subsequent goodbye is powerful, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about Barnum's internal conflict. The scene would benefit from a brief moment of reflection from Barnum before he steps on stage, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his choices and the emotional stakes involved.
  • The transition from the intimate moment between Jenny and Barnum to the chaotic protest scene is abrupt. While the contrast between the two settings is effective, a smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow. Consider adding a moment where Barnum's thoughts linger on Jenny as he steps off stage, which could then be interrupted by the sounds of the protest.
  • The dialogue in the protest scene feels somewhat generic and lacks the emotional depth that could elevate the conflict. The protesters' lines could be more personalized or specific to their motivations, which would make their antagonism feel more real and impactful.
  • The physical confrontation between the performers and the protesters is visually engaging, but it risks overshadowing the emotional stakes established in the previous scene. Balancing the action with moments of character reflection or dialogue could help maintain the emotional core of the story amidst the chaos.
  • The ending of the scene, with the fire breaking out, introduces a new layer of conflict but feels somewhat rushed. It might benefit from a moment of realization among the performers about the danger they are in, which would heighten the tension and urgency of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief internal monologue or visual cue for Barnum before he steps on stage to highlight his emotional turmoil regarding Jenny and his family.
  • Create a more gradual transition between the intimate moment with Jenny and the protest, perhaps by having Barnum hear the distant sounds of the protest as he exits the stage.
  • Revise the protesters' dialogue to include more specific grievances or personal motivations, making their antagonism feel more grounded and relatable.
  • Incorporate moments of character interaction during the fight scene to maintain emotional engagement, such as a performer encouraging another to stand strong despite the chaos.
  • Expand the moment when the fire breaks out to include a reaction from the performers, emphasizing their shock and urgency in trying to save their home and livelihood.



Scene 34 -  A Fiery Reunion
118 INT. TRAIN PLATFORM - NIGHT 118

Barnum steps off the train, carrying suitcases. He looks
around. No one greets him. Then the crowd parts, he sees...




(CONTINUED)
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118 CONTINUED: 118

Charity standing there. Caroline and Helen are with her.
They look at him, tentative -- he’s almost a stranger. He
put down his suitcase, goes quickly to them and embraces her.
The girls hug him too. He kisses her. She is surprised.

CHARITY *
So what made you come rushing home all of *
a sudden? *

BARNUM
I missed you.

She smiles slyly -- affectionate, exasperated, suspicious.

CHARITY
That sounds an awful lot like humbug.

119-20 OMITTED 119-20

121 EXT. TRAIN STATION - NIGHT 121

Barnum, Charity, Caroline and Helen step outside. Caroline,
a teen, is reserved. Barnum hugs her anyway, and smiles.

BARNUM
...And how is your ballet going?

CAROLINE
We’re practicing every day now. The
recital is next month.

Suddenly, a FIRE WAGON races by. Another soon follows.
Barnum turns, sees a young POLICEMAN running up the street.

BARNUM
What’s going on?

POLICEMAN
Your place, Mr. Barnum... It’s burning
down!

Barnum turns to Charity and the Girls. He drops his suitcase
and they all start to run.

122 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT 122

The building is on fire. Flames and smoke pour from the
windows. Barnum and Charity and the Girls arrive as just
Anne and W.D. emerge from the building, helping usher out
Lettie, Tom Thumb, Chang, Eng and the rest of the Oddities.

BARNUM
Where’s Phillip?


(CONTINUED)
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122 CONTINUED: 122

ANNE
Inside! The animals are still in cages!

Barnum hears the panicked ROAR of an elephant. He turns and
runs into the building. W.D. and Anne follow him in.

123 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT 123

The place is filled with smoke. Barnum passes WAX FIGURES of
Napoleon, Marie Antoinette, George Washington, all melting.

Barnum finds Phillip at the elephant cage, struggling with a
ring of skeleton keys. He looks up, sees Barnum approach.

BARNUM
Thanks for looking after things...!

PHILLIP
I can’t find the key!

Barnum grabs an ax and smashes the padlock. It busts open.
Barnum swings the cage door open and...

124 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - BACK ALLEY - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS) 124

Eunice thunders into the alley, to safety.

125 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS) 125

Barnum, Phillip, and W.D. hurry to throw open the doors to
the horse stables. One by one, the horses bolt to safety.

Anne opens the Lion’s cage. It ROARS at her fearsomely. She
glares at it, raises a finger. The lion bows its head meekly. *
Anne waves her finger -- let’s go. They leave together. *

126 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - NIGHT 126

Barnum, Phillip, and W.D. watch as the last horses exit the
building. Phillip looks, doesn’t see Anne. Turns to Barnum.

PHILLIP
I’m going to find Anne!

He runs back into the building before Barnum can stop him.
The Oddities take refuge at a distance. Caroline glances
over, notices Lettie nursing a cut on her wrist.

CAROLINE
Lettie, you’re hurt...

She takes out a lace handkerchief, wraps it like a bandage.



(CONTINUED)
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LETTIE
No, don’t ruin your...

But it’s too late. Caroline ties off the handkerchief.

LETTIE (CONT’D)
You’re a true beauty, kid.

CAROLINE
So are you.

They share a smile.

A fire truck arrives. FIREMEN jump from the truck. Just
then a section of the roof falls, sending embers into the
sky. The entire building is now ENGULFED IN FLAMES.

Anne comes out with the lion. An animal TRAINER quickly
steps up and leads the lion away. Barnum rushes up. *

ANNE
Where’s Phillip?

BARNUM
You didn’t see him?

Anne looks back in panic. She starts to run toward the
building but Barnum grabs her. He hands her off to W.D.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Keep her here!

Anne struggles in W.D.’s arms, then collapses into his chest.
Charity, Caroline, and Helen watch in horror and disbelief as *
Barnum turns and runs back toward the burning building.

FIREMAN
Hey! You can’t go in there!

CAROLINE
Daddy!!!

She watches, terrified, as Barnum runs into the building.
Genres: ["Drama","Action"]

Summary Barnum arrives at the train platform at night, greeted by his family, who are initially hesitant. Their reunion is cut short when they learn that Barnum's museum is on fire. Rushing to the scene, Barnum and his associates work to rescue the animals trapped inside, while Anne leads a lion to safety. Tensions rise as Phillip runs back into the burning building to find Anne, prompting Barnum to follow him despite the firefighters' warnings. The scene shifts from a warm family moment to a frantic rescue operation, highlighting the urgency and danger of the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth
  • Character bravery
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines drama, action, and emotional elements to create a compelling and intense moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a fire breaking out in Barnum's museum adds a sense of urgency and danger, driving the plot forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the fire incident, showcasing the characters' reactions and bravery in the face of danger.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh situation of a fire breaking out in a museum, adding a sense of danger and urgency to the narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show courage and determination in dealing with the fire, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

Characters undergo a change in their actions and priorities as they confront the fire and prioritize saving lives.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his loved ones and his business from the fire. This reflects his deeper need for security, safety, and a sense of belonging.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to save the animals and people trapped in the burning museum. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the need to act quickly to prevent loss of life and property.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the fire incident, creating a life-threatening situation for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the fire posing a significant threat to the characters' safety and the need for quick thinking and action to overcome it.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as characters risk their lives to save others and prevent the museum from burning down.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major crisis and showcasing the characters' reactions and decisions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected fire breaking out and the characters' unpredictable actions in response to the crisis.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the value of risking one's life for others versus self-preservation. This challenges Barnum's beliefs about sacrifice and heroism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear, hope, and love, as characters face danger and show bravery in the midst of chaos.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is focused on conveying urgency and fear, lacking in-depth conversations due to the intense situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced action, and emotional conflict that keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with a sense of urgency and escalating tension that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise action lines and dialogue that enhance the pacing and tension of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a high-stakes, action-packed sequence, with clear progression and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and urgency as Barnum returns home only to find his museum on fire. This juxtaposition of a family reunion with the chaos of a disaster creates a strong emotional impact.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and Charity is brief but loaded with subtext, showcasing their complicated relationship. However, it could benefit from more depth to fully convey the emotional stakes involved in Barnum's return.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, moving quickly from the initial reunion to the escalating crisis. However, the transition from the train platform to the museum fire could be smoother to maintain the flow of urgency.
  • The introduction of secondary characters like Anne and W.D. adds to the sense of community among the performers, but their motivations and emotional stakes could be more clearly defined to enhance the overall tension.
  • The visual imagery of the burning museum is powerful, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the chaos, such as the sounds of the fire, the heat, and the frantic atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the dialogue between Barnum and Charity to explore their feelings more deeply, perhaps by including a moment where Charity expresses her fears about the museum and their family.
  • Add more sensory details to the scene, such as the smell of smoke, the heat of the flames, and the sounds of chaos, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Clarify the motivations of secondary characters like Anne and W.D. by including brief moments that highlight their emotional stakes in the situation, which would enhance the overall tension.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between the train platform and the museum fire by including a brief moment of reflection for Barnum as he realizes the gravity of the situation, which would heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Consider incorporating a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Barnum before he rushes back into the burning building, which would add depth to his character and emphasize the danger he is putting himself in.



Scene 35 -  Ashes of Hope
127 INT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS 127

Barnum holds his shirt over his mouth, calling out for
Phillip as he moves through the intense heat. A BEAM,
engulfed in flames, comes crashing down behind him.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 90.


128 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - CONTINUOUS 128

Charity, Caroline, Helen, Anne, W.D., and all of the Oddities
watch the building in silence, as the flames devour it.

Then, through the smoke, a figure...

Barnum emerges carrying Phillip, unconscious, in his arms.

As soon as they are clear, Barnum collapses to his knees,
lays Phillip on the ground. Anne runs to Phillip. Charity,
Caroline, and Helen descend on Barnum, hugging him.

BARNUM
I’m okay... I’m okay...

He stands up, turns. His family gathers around him, sombre. *

The Performers -- Oddities; Acrobats; Trainers -- Barnum’s *
whole work family, gather around him as well. Together, they *
stand and watch as the building, his life’s work, burns up. *

Barnum turns to Charity. *

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Take the girls home. It’s going to be a
long night.

Charity nods. Barnum turns to see a team of FIREFIGHTERS
lift Phillip’s limp body, carry him toward a fire truck...

129 INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT (LATER) 129

Phillip is laid into a hospital bed by two DOCTORS. He is
unconscious, dressed in bandages. The room is large, with
rows of beds. As the Doctors turn to leave, Anne steps
forward, at his side, looks down, eyes full of tears.

A NURSE (white) takes her arm, trying to usher her away.

NURSE
Miss? You don’t belong in here.

Anne turns on her, knocking her hand away. The Nurse recoils.
She sees the hurt and anger in Anne’s eyes. Prim and
disapproving, she turns -- Hhhhh! -- and bustles away.

Anne turns back, sits down next to Phillip. His hand lies *
open, as if reaching out. She looks around, self-conscious,
then reaches forward and takes his hand.

130 OMITTED 130 *
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 91.


131 EXT. BARNUM’S MUSEUM - DAWN 131 *

Burnt debris blankets the property. Barnum surveys the
smoking shell of his building. Barnum falls into a sitting *
position, spent, gazes at the damage around him, devastated. *

Behind him, a lone figure approaches down the empty street -- *
Roth. Roth arrives to find Barnum, dirty with soot, gazing *
at the ruins of his museum. Barnum glances up, darkly. *

BARNUM
If you’re here to gloat, I’d reconsider.

Roth takes out a handkerchief and wipes down a charred wooden
chair before sitting down beside Barnum.

ROTH
Police caught the folks who started the *
fire. Just thought you’d like to know.

Roth pulls out a flask, offers it. Barnum looks at him, wary.

ROTH (CONT’D)
Come on. You look like you could use it.

Barnum relents, takes a swig. Hands it back. Roth smiles,
takes another quick nip before he pockets the flask.

ROTH (CONT’D)
You’ll rebuild, I hope.

Barnum looks at him, surprised.

BARNUM
You hate the circus.

ROTH
I did, at first. It’s everything a
critic is supposed to hate -- big,
obvious, enjoyable, fun... But when they
started protesting? I had to reconsider. *
(points to ruins) *
What was going on inside those four *
walls...? Was democracy at its finest. *
A celebration of humanity in every form -- *
big, small, bearded, whatever. And that *
scares people. That’s why they burned *
you down. It may not be art, and it’s *
definitely lowbrow. But it ain’t humbug. *

Barnum smiles, this is something he never expected to hear. *




(CONTINUED)
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131 CONTINUED: 131

BARNUM
Thank God for Jenny’s tour. I can borrow
off those profits and rebuild --

ROTH
The tour? My God, you don’t know...? *

Roth reaches into his bag and hands Barnum a morning paper.

ROTH (CONT’D)
I’m sorry. I thought you knew...!

On the front page, a PHOTO of the kiss is framed by a heart,
as lurid as any modern tabloid. The headline reads, “BARNUM
SCANDAL! Jenny Lind Quits U.S. Tour! Sails Today for Sweden!”

Barnum’s face falls -- it’s his worst nightmare.
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary In a harrowing scene, Barnum bravely rescues Phillip from the flames of his burning museum, only to collapse in despair as he faces the loss of his life's work. As Phillip is taken to the hospital, Anne's concern for him highlights the emotional toll of the tragedy. At dawn, Barnum surveys the ruins, grappling with the news of the arsonists' capture and the devastating departure of Jenny Lind, which shatters his hopes of rebuilding.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Plot advancement
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions, introduces a significant plot development, and sets the stage for future conflicts and character growth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of dealing with loss, rebuilding, and facing unexpected challenges is well-executed and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the museum fire, the revelation about Jenny Lind, and the interactions between characters, setting up new conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the circus industry and explores complex themes of art, entertainment, and societal expectations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show resilience, vulnerability, and determination in the face of adversity, deepening their development and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Characters experience growth, resilience, and new challenges in the aftermath of the fire and the news about Jenny Lind, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal is to protect his loved ones and rebuild his life's work after the fire. This reflects his desire for success and his fear of failure.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal is to rebuild his museum and continue his circus business despite the challenges he faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the devastation of the fire, the news about Jenny Lind, and the internal struggles of the characters, creating tension and uncertainty.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with challenges and conflicts that test the characters' beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Barnum faces the loss of his museum, the news of Jenny Lind's departure, and the challenges of rebuilding and moving forward, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing new conflicts, emotional arcs, and plot developments that will impact the characters and narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its outcome, but the emotional and philosophical conflicts add depth and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the value of art and entertainment versus societal norms and expectations. Roth challenges Barnum's beliefs about his circus and its impact on society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, hope, and shock, drawing the audience into the characters' experiences and challenges.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys emotions, reveals character motivations, and drives the plot forward, though some moments could be more impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotions, dramatic events, and character dynamics that draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear descriptions and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and emotional depth, fitting the genre of drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos and emotional weight of the fire, showcasing Barnum's bravery and the devastation of losing his life's work. However, the transition from the intense action of the fire to the hospital scene feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue between Barnum and Roth is insightful, providing a deeper commentary on the nature of Barnum's work and the societal implications of his circus. However, Roth's character could benefit from more development earlier in the script to make his perspective feel more impactful in this moment.
  • The emotional stakes are high, but the scene could further explore the internal conflict within Barnum. While he expresses hope for rebuilding, there is a missed opportunity to delve into his feelings of loss and despair more deeply, particularly after the fire and the revelation about Jenny Lind.
  • The visual imagery of the burning museum is powerful, but the emotional responses of the characters could be more vividly portrayed. For instance, Charity and the girls' reactions to Barnum's return could be expanded to show their relief and fear more explicitly.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven; the initial moments of Barnum rescuing Phillip are tense and gripping, but the subsequent dialogue with Roth slows the momentum. Balancing the pacing between action and dialogue can maintain the audience's engagement.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Barnum after he rescues Phillip, allowing him to process the gravity of the situation before transitioning to the hospital scene.
  • Enhance Roth's character by including a line or two earlier in the script that hints at his evolving perspective on the circus, making his insights in this scene feel more earned.
  • Incorporate more internal monologue or visual cues to illustrate Barnum's emotional turmoil after the fire, perhaps through flashbacks or memories of the museum's significance.
  • Expand on the reactions of Charity and the girls when Barnum returns, perhaps showing them embracing him tightly or expressing their fears about the fire, to heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Adjust the pacing by interspersing moments of action with dialogue, ensuring that the tension remains high throughout the scene while still allowing for character development.



Scene 36 -  Departure and Disillusionment
132 EXT. NEW YORK HARBOR - DOCK - DAY 132

A CROWD of FANS and PRESS have gathered to see Jenny Lind *
depart. A line of PORTERS ascend the gangplank onto an OCEAN *
LINER. Jenny signs a last autograph, smiles for pictures. *
Then she steps onto the gangplank, follows the Porters up. A *
NOISE. She turns. It is Barnum, running up the dock. *

BARNUM
Stop! Stop! Stop right there!

He runs up the gangplank to her. He is breathing hard, red- *
faced, furious. She is cool as ice.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
You cannot leave. There are forty cities
left in your tour. If you break our
contract, I will sue you. I will sue you *
for everything you are worth! *

JENNY
You’ve seen the papers this morning?

BARNUM
That has nothing to do with our contract!

JENNY
Indeed, it does, Mr. Barnum. Our contract
has a morals clause, which you have
broken with your reckless display. My
reputation has suffered irreparable harm.
You should be glad I am not suing you.

On Barnum, as he absorbs the full extent of her calculations.
The wind goes out of him. He looks up at her, going quiet.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 93.
132 CONTINUED: 132

BARNUM
Jenny, please. You can’t leave. I
risked everything on this tour.

JENNY
As did I, Phineas. It seems we both lost.

There is terrible sadness in her eyes. She turns to go.

BARNUM
Jenny. Don’t. I’ll lose the circus. *
I’ll lose my home. You will ruin me. *

JENNY *
Maybe that’s what I want. *

He is stunned by her cruelty. She sees this and softens -- *
looking at him with hurt, regret, longing, anger, spite. *

JENNY (CONT’D)
When you are careless with other people,
Mr. Barnum, you bring ruin on yourself.

Then she turns, walks up the gang plank. He can’t stop her. *

133 INT. NEW YORK BANK - DAY 133

Barnum bursts in -- desperate, wild-eyed. The Banker looks
up calmly, unsurprised. Barnum walks urgently toward him.

BANK PRESIDENT
Mr. Barnum. We have been expecting you.

BARNUM
My house... Please. Just give me a
chance to raise the money elsewhere.

BANK PRESIDENT
You are too late. We foreclosed this
morning.

Barnum is speechless. The Banker is sad, sympathetic.

BANKER
If you gamble enough times, sir, you are
fated one day to lose.

134 EXT. HALLET’S HOUSE - DAY 134

Barnum’s carriage pulls up in front of the house. He gets *
out, sees Charity carrying a last suitcase into the house.
He runs after her, following her up onto the front porch.



(CONTINUED)
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134 CONTINUED: 134

BARNUM
Charity...

CHARITY
I don’t want to talk to you.

BARNUM
Come on, Charity. Nothing happened.

As he gets close, she throws the afternoon paper at him.

CHARITY
Oh, something happened. It’s on the
front page of every paper in New York.

BARNUM
She orchestrated the photo so she could
quit the tour. I’m not in love with her.

CHARITY
Of course you’re not! Not with her! Not
with me! Not with anyone! Just you and
your show. *

Barnum is stung. She turns, eyes brimming with hurt. She
gestures to the trunks and suitcases strewn on the lawn.

CHARITY (CONT’D)
They evicted us this morning. Just showed
up and said our home was no longer ours.

BARNUM
I know. I just came from the bank.

She starts to cry. Barnum is stricken to see her so hurt.

CHARITY
Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you
talk to me? Before risking everything?

BARNUM
Charity, I will get the house back--...

CHARITY
No! Please...! No more promises...!
(shakes her head)
I married you. Not the house. Not the
money. You. You saw the magic in the *
world. I wanted to live in that world *
with you...

She looks at him. Her eyes search his.



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 95.
134 CONTINUED: (2) 134

CHARITY (CONT’D)
You used to think you weren’t enough for
me. Remember? Now we’re not enough for
you. Nothing is.

She turns and enters the house, slams the door. Barnum
stares, for once he has nothing to say. MUSIC starts under.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At New York Harbor, Barnum desperately tries to convince Jenny Lind not to leave the tour, expressing his anger over her decision and the breach of contract. Jenny, asserting her own grievances and the damage to her reputation, ultimately walks away, leaving Barnum devastated. The scene shifts to Barnum at the bank, where he learns his house has been foreclosed. He then confronts his wife, Charity, who expresses her hurt and disappointment over their crumbling relationship, culminating in her slamming the door in his face, leaving him alone.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense conflict
  • Character development
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally charged, with intense dialogue and high stakes. It effectively conveys the characters' conflicting emotions and sets up a pivotal moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of facing the consequences of one's actions and the clash between personal ambition and relationships is well-executed. It adds depth to the characters and advances the plot.

Plot: 9

The plot reaches a critical turning point as Barnum's world crumbles around him due to his choices. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the conflict between ambition and morality, portraying complex characters with conflicting motivations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotions and motivations are vividly portrayed, especially Barnum and Charity. Their complex relationship dynamics add depth to the scene and enhance the overall storytelling.

Character Changes: 8

Barnum experiences a significant shift in perspective and faces the consequences of his actions, leading to potential growth and change. Charity also undergoes emotional turmoil, deepening her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to salvage his reputation and prevent further damage to his career and personal life. This reflects his deeper need for validation, success, and control over his circumstances.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Jenny Lind not to leave the tour and to save his circus and home from ruin. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in terms of financial and personal loss.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Barnum and Jenny Lind, as well as the internal conflict within Barnum and Charity, creates a tense and emotionally charged atmosphere. The stakes are high, leading to a compelling confrontation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, emotional barriers, and uncertain outcomes that create suspense and drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Barnum faces the loss of his career, home, and reputation. The confrontation with Jenny Lind and the fallout with Charity raise the stakes even further, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing major conflicts, resolving some plot points, and setting up future developments. It marks a crucial moment in the characters' journeys.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in character motivations, emotional revelations, and the uncertain outcome of the conflict between Barnum and Jenny Lind.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Barnum's pursuit of success at any cost and Jenny Lind's adherence to moral values and reputation. This challenges Barnum's beliefs about ambition and consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, ranging from sadness and regret to anger and betrayal. The characters' emotional turmoil is palpable, making the scene highly impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting perspectives. It effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, intense character dynamics, and dramatic confrontations that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing for emotional resonance, and maintaining a sense of urgency in the character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations, rising tension, and emotional resolution.


Critique
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are high, and the dialogue effectively conveys the tension between Barnum and Jenny Lind. However, the transition from the confrontation with Jenny to the bank scene feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Barnum's desperation is palpable, but his motivations could be clearer. While he expresses fear of losing everything, the audience might benefit from a deeper exploration of his emotional state. Adding internal monologue or visual cues could help illustrate his turmoil more vividly.
  • Charity's confrontation with Barnum is powerful, but it risks feeling overly expository. The dialogue reveals a lot of backstory and emotional weight, which can be effective, but it may also come off as too on-the-nose. Subtlety in her expressions and actions could enhance the impact of her words.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The initial confrontation with Jenny is intense, but the shift to the bank and then to Charity feels rushed. Each moment is significant, and allowing more time for the emotional weight of each interaction could create a more resonant experience for the audience.
  • The use of music at the end of the scene is a nice touch, but it could be more thematically tied to the emotional arcs of the characters. Choosing a piece that reflects Barnum's despair or Charity's heartbreak could amplify the emotional resonance as the scene concludes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Barnum after his confrontation with Jenny, perhaps showing him grappling with the implications of her departure before he rushes to the bank. This could deepen his character and provide a more gradual transition to the next scene.
  • In Charity's confrontation, try to incorporate more physicality or visual storytelling. For example, showing her packing or gesturing to the empty house could enhance the emotional weight of her words without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Explore the use of silence or pauses in the dialogue to heighten tension. Allowing moments for characters to absorb what is being said can create a more impactful exchange.
  • Consider breaking up the dialogue with more action or visual elements. For instance, showing Barnum's frantic movements or Charity's tears could add layers to their emotional states and make the scene more dynamic.
  • Revisit the music choice at the end of the scene. A piece that reflects the themes of loss and longing could enhance the emotional impact and leave the audience with a stronger sense of the characters' struggles.



Scene 37 -  From Despair to Determination
135 EXT. STREET - BETHEL, CT. - DUSK 135

Barnum trudges up the road. He stops and looks up at the
family mansion, dark and desolate now, with a FOR SALE.

BARNUM
I CLOSE MY EYES
AND I CAN SEE
A GIRL WAS WAITING HERE FOR ME
NOW I’M ALL ALONE

136 INT. BARNUM MANSION - NIGHT 136

Barnum stands in the vast empty house. He gazes around trying
to conjure a better reality. But his imagination is gone.

BARNUM
THROUGH THE DARK
THROUGH THE DOOR
TRY TO GO BACK TO BEFORE
WHERE IT FELT LIKE HOME
NOW I KNOW
THAT I’VE BEEN CRAZY
NOW I KNOW
I’VE LOST MY MIND
ALL THESE MILLIONS OF DREAMS I CHASED WERE CRAZY
YOU WERE MORE THAN A MILLION DREAMS COMBINED

Barnum breaks down, starts to sob. MUSIC ends, and we... *

FADE OUT

137 INT. THE “BARNUM ARMS” - NIGHT 137

Barnum sits alone at the bar, his hat in front of him beside
his drink. He stares at mementoes on the wall, reminders of
everything he’s lost. The door opens and we see Tom Thumb.

TOM THUMB
I figured you’d end up here.

He climbs straight onto the bar and walks down it toward
Barnum, carrying the “Prince of Humbug” crown in his hand.




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 96.
137 CONTINUED: 137

BARNUM
If you’ve come to get paid, I’m sorry.
The money’s gone. All of it.

TOM THUMB
How ‘bout you buy me a drink, and we’ll
call it even?

He puts the crown on Barnum’s head and sits on Barnum’s hat.
Barnum takes off the crown, puts it on the bar, gazes at it.

TOM THUMB (CONT’D)
Lost your kingdom, huh?

BARNUM
Someone once said love your enemies --
because they will tell you the truth.

TOM THUMB
And what’s the truth?

Barnum unfolds a Tribune with the Barnum scandal headline.

BARNUM
That I’m a fraud. A charlatan. Coarse.
Vulgar. Borderline criminal.

TOM THUMB
Jeez. You say that like it’s a bad thing.

BARNUM
That’s the good part. Underneath that?
I’m nothing. Barely human. A freak.

Hearing that word, Tom smiles, amused. He leans in.

TOM THUMB
Ya know? A very unwise man once said to
me, “Be proud of who you are”.

Barnum has to smile. Tom looks up, waves, and calls out.

TOM THUMB (CONT’D)
Hey, I found him! Tolja he’d be here!

Barnum looks down the bar and sees Lettie, Chang and Eng,
Lord of Leeds, and other performers filing in. They are
smiling and relieved, happy to see Barnum. Tom turns back.

TOM THUMB (CONT’D)
That’s right, Barnum. You’re a freak.
A weirdo. You don’t fit in. Welcome to
the human race.


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 97.
137 CONTINUED: (2) 137

The Oddities crowd around Barnum in a show of support and
gratitude. Tom leans in, heated. All joking ceases.

TOM
My mother kept me locked in a back room
for years ‘cause she was ashamed of me.
It was like that for all of us. But you
pushed us in the spotlight. You told the
world stories that made them love us.
You made us into a family.
(beat)
Your humbug gave us a home, Barnum. And
we want it back.

Barnum is deeply moved. MUSIC plays UNDER as he looks at
Tom, determination spreading across his face. You’d better
believe he will rebuild his circus. Barnum begins to sing.

BARNUM
I SAW THE SUN BEGIN TO DIM
AND FELT THAT WINTER WIND BLOW COLD
A MAN LEARNS WHO IS THERE FOR HIM WHEN
THE GLITTER FADES AND THE BIG TOP FOLDS
'CAUSE FROM THAT RUBBLE WHAT REMAINS
CAN ONLY BE WHAT'S TRUE

IF ALL WAS LOST
THERE'S MORE I GAINED
'CAUSE IT LED ME BACK TO YOU
FROM NOW ON
THESE EYES WILL NOT BE BLINDED BY THE LIGHTS
FROM NOW ON
WHAT'S WAITED 'TIL TOMORROW STARTS TONIGHT
AND LET THIS PROMISE IN ME START
LIKE AN ANTHEM IN MY HEART
FROM NOW ON
FROM NOW ON
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In a poignant scene set in Bethel, CT, Barnum walks through the empty halls of his once-grand mansion, grappling with feelings of loss and loneliness. His despair is palpable as he reflects on his past and the family he has lost. However, a chance encounter with Tom Thumb at a bar brings a shift in mood, as Tom and other performers rally around Barnum, reminding him of the family he has created through his circus. Their support reignites Barnum's sense of identity and purpose, leading him to resolve to rebuild his dreams. The scene culminates in a powerful anthem of hope, symbolizing Barnum's commitment to move forward.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Resonant themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some predictability in character arcs

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and pivotal in Barnum's character development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of self-acceptance, resilience, and finding a sense of belonging is effectively portrayed through Barnum's emotional journey.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Barnum decides to rebuild his circus and finds strength in his performers' support.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the theme of self-acceptance and redemption, with authentic character interactions and heartfelt dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Barnum and the Oddities, show depth, growth, and emotional complexity in this scene.

Character Changes: 8

Barnum undergoes significant emotional growth and transformation, realizing the importance of his performers and finding a new sense of purpose.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal is to come to terms with his past mistakes and find redemption. He grapples with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, seeking to rebuild his sense of self-worth.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal is to rebuild his circus and regain the trust and support of his performers. He faces the challenge of rebuilding his reputation and creating a sense of belonging for his 'freak' performers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict within Barnum, the scene focuses more on resolution and emotional growth.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with internal and external conflicts challenging the protagonist's beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Barnum as he faces loss, criticism, and the need to rebuild his circus, but the focus is more on emotional stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up Barnum's decision to rebuild his circus and showcasing his newfound resilience.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its emotional beats and character arcs, but still maintains interest through its heartfelt moments.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of acceptance and belonging. Barnum struggles with his own identity and societal expectations, while the performers challenge the notion of what it means to be 'normal' or 'freakish'.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, hope, and determination, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant, reflective, and impactful, conveying the emotional depth of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, character development, and thematic resonance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, moving from introspection to external conflict, building towards a resolution.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of this scene is palpable, as Barnum grapples with his losses and the emptiness of the mansion. However, the transition from his introspection to the arrival of Tom Thumb feels slightly abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional flow.
  • Barnum's internal conflict is well-articulated through his lyrics, but the dialogue with Tom Thumb could benefit from more depth. While Tom's lines provide comic relief, they could also serve to deepen Barnum's emotional journey. Consider adding a moment where Tom reflects on his own struggles, paralleling Barnum's feelings of inadequacy.
  • The use of music is effective in conveying Barnum's emotional state, but the lyrics could be more tightly integrated with the narrative. For instance, the line 'A man learns who is there for him when the glitter fades' could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene to create a stronger thematic resonance.
  • The gathering of the Oddities at the bar is a powerful moment, but it could be enhanced by showing more of their individual reactions to Barnum's despair. This would not only enrich the scene but also reinforce the theme of family and support among the performers.
  • The scene ends on a hopeful note with Barnum's determination to rebuild, but it might benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the journey ahead. A brief moment of reflection on the challenges he faces could add depth to his resolve.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after Barnum's breakdown before Tom Thumb enters, allowing the audience to fully absorb Barnum's despair.
  • Enhance Tom Thumb's dialogue to include a personal anecdote that resonates with Barnum's feelings, creating a deeper connection between the two characters.
  • Integrate the lyrics more closely with the visual elements of the scene, perhaps by showing Barnum interacting with objects in the bar that symbolize his past successes and failures.
  • Include individual reactions from the other Oddities as they enter the bar, showcasing their concern for Barnum and reinforcing the theme of community.
  • Add a final line or gesture from Barnum that encapsulates his determination to rebuild, perhaps a physical action that symbolizes his commitment to his family and the circus.



Scene 38 -  A Journey of Love and Resolve
138 EXT. NEW YORK CITY - CARRIAGE - DAY 138

Barnum rides north out of Manhattan in a carriage.

BARNUM
I DRANK CHAMPAGNE WITH KINGS AND QUEENS
THE POLITICIANS PRAISED MY NAME
BUT THOSE WERE SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAMS
THE PITFALLS OF THE MAN I BECAME
FOR YEARS AND YEARS I CHASED THEIR CHEERS
A CRAZY SPEED OF ALWAYS NEEDING MORE
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 98.


139 EXT. HALLET’S HOUSE - BETHEL, CT - DAY 139

Barnum stands at a distance from the house, watching as
Charity and their daughters head into her childhood home.

BARNUM
BUT WHEN I STOP AND SEE YOU HERE
I REMEMBER WHO ALL OF THIS WAS FOR AND
FROM NOW ON
THESE EYES WILL NOT BE BLINDED BY THE LIGHTS
FROM NOW ON
WHAT'S WAITED 'TIL TOMORROW STARTS TONIGHT
AND LET THIS PROMISE IN ME START
LIKE AN ANTHEM IN MY HEART
FROM NOW ON
FROM NOW ON *

The MUSIC quiets but continues UNDER...

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

The dim, quiet hospital room. Curtains drawn. Phillip lies
in bed, still unconscious. Anne sits next to him, bent over
with exhaustion, head bowed. But still holding his hand. In
the background, Doctors and Nurses quietly do their rounds.

CLOSE ON -- His hand. Gently, it twitches, grasping hers.
She raises her head, disbelieving. She clutches his hand,
squeezing... He stirs. Then his eyes open. He sees her.

PHILLIP
You’re here.

A tear falls down her cheek.

ANNE
“Here” is where I belong.

They share a tearful smile. A passing NURSE notices he is
awake and waves to others. A handful of Doctors and Nurses
gather at the foot of the bed.

She leans in and kisses him on the lips, unafraid and *
unashamed. He wraps his arms around her, kissing her back. *

140 INT. CHARITY’S HOUSE - BETHEL, CT. - DAY 140

The MUSIC rises briefly, but continues UNDER as...

Barnum strides up the front walk, in a mirror of the
elopement scene. As he steps onto the porch, Mr. Hallett
opens the front door, looks at Barnum with withering disdain.



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 99.
140 CONTINUED: 140

BARNUM
Mr. Hallet, it seems I am the penniless
bum you always said I was. But I am in
love with your daughter, and if you don’t
mind, I like to see my wife.

MR. HALLETT
She’s not here.

Mr. Hallet moves to close the door, but Barnum stops him. *

BARNUM
Where is she?

MR. HALLETT
She doesn’t want to see you!

BARNUM
Where is she?!

Hallett moves again to shut the door. Barnum blocks him.

CAROLINE (O.C.)
She’s at the beach!

They turn. Caroline and Helen are at the top of the stairs. *
He smiles. They smile back. He nods -- thank you! -- turns...
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Barnum reflects on his past while riding in a carriage, realizing that his true happiness lies with his family. He watches Charity and their daughters enter her childhood home, singing about his commitment to them. Meanwhile, Phillip awakens in a hospital room to find Anne by his side, sharing a tender moment. The scene shifts as Barnum confronts Mr. Hallett about Charity's whereabouts, facing disdain but ultimately receiving help from Caroline, who reveals that Charity is at the beach, reigniting Barnum's hope for reunion.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable plot elements
  • Slightly melodramatic at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and themes, with strong character development and impactful dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of self-discovery, love, and redemption is well-executed, providing depth to the characters and advancing the plot.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through significant character interactions and revelations, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the protagonist's internal struggles and relationships, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth that set it apart from conventional narratives.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters show growth, vulnerability, and complexity, making them relatable and engaging for the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Barnum undergoes a significant realization about his priorities and values, leading to personal growth.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconcile his past ambitions and successes with his present priorities and values. He seeks to find meaning and fulfillment in his personal relationships and family life.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to reunite with his wife and family, despite the obstacles and challenges he faces in doing so.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is internal conflict within Barnum and external conflict with his in-laws, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with emotional and relational obstacles that challenge the protagonist's goals and motivations, keeping the audience engaged and uncertain of the outcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Barnum faces loss, rejection, and the need to rebuild his life and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving conflicts and setting up new challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, as well as the unexpected resolutions of the protagonist's conflicts and relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's pursuit of fame and success versus his desire for genuine connection and love. It challenges his beliefs about what truly matters in life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, love, and hope, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant, revealing character motivations and emotions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and dramatic tension that keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, creating a compelling rhythm that drives the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing clarity and readability for the reader.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure that effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Barnum's emotional journey as he reflects on his past and his commitment to his family. The juxtaposition of his grand ambitions with the reality of his personal life creates a poignant contrast that resonates with the audience.
  • The use of music to underscore Barnum's emotional state is powerful, but the transition between the different locations (from the carriage to the hospital to Charity's house) could be smoother. The abrupt shifts may disrupt the emotional flow and lessen the impact of Barnum's realization.
  • The dialogue is impactful, particularly Barnum's declaration of love and commitment. However, Mr. Hallett's disdainful attitude feels somewhat one-dimensional. Adding layers to his character could enhance the tension and stakes in Barnum's confrontation with him.
  • The hospital scene with Phillip and Anne is touching and serves as a nice parallel to Barnum's journey. However, it might benefit from a bit more context about their relationship leading up to this moment, as it feels slightly disconnected from Barnum's narrative arc.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the emotional weight could be amplified by allowing more silence or pauses in the dialogue, particularly during Barnum's reflective moments. This would give the audience time to absorb the significance of his realizations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Barnum as he rides in the carriage, perhaps showing him looking out at the city or recalling specific memories that led him to this moment. This could deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • To enhance the transition between locations, consider using visual motifs or thematic elements that link the scenes together, such as recurring imagery or a consistent musical theme that evolves as the narrative progresses.
  • Develop Mr. Hallett's character further by providing a glimpse into his motivations or fears regarding Barnum. This could create a more dynamic confrontation and add depth to their exchange.
  • In the hospital scene, consider incorporating a brief flashback or dialogue that hints at Phillip and Anne's relationship history, which would provide context for their emotional reunion and strengthen the audience's investment in their story.
  • Allow for more moments of silence or non-verbal communication, particularly during Barnum's introspective lines. This could create a more contemplative atmosphere and give the audience space to reflect on the themes of love, loss, and redemption.



Scene 39 -  Rekindling Love at Sunset
141 EXT. BEACH - SUNSET - DUSK 141

Silence. Charity gazes out at the wintry surf. She looks
sad, lost, lonely. The beach is familiar, it’s where they
played as kids. Then something catches her eye. She turns.

In the distance, Barnum walks towards her.

His stride is purposeful, but he is a man stripped bare. No
cockiness or pride. No dazzle or glitz. He is a man at the
end of a very long journey, whose prize is finally in sight.

She’s taken aback -- she’s never seen him like this. As he
draws closer, she can see the pain and sorrow in his eyes. *

As they meet, he stops short -- not wanting to say the wrong
thing. But his eyes betray how desperately he wants her back.

BARNUM
Caroline was kind enough to tell me where
you were.

She nods but says nothing, watching him warily. Barnum looks
away, vulnerable. He falters, searching for the right words.



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 100.
141 CONTINUED: 141

BARNUM (CONT’D)
I have brought hardship on myself, and *
visited pain upon those I cherish most
dearly. You warned me of my folly, and I *
would not listen.

MUSIC starts under. He keeps his eyes averted, downcast. *

BARNUM (CONT’D)
If you have no warmth in your heart for
me, say the word and I will never trouble
you again. But if the case is otherwise,
then you should know...
(looks at her)
...That I am yours, body and soul. It is
your smile, your laughter, that has been
my guiding star. Without it, the rest is
dust and ashes... I know that now.

Her eyes fill with tears. He looks at her with yearning.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
FOR YEARS AND YEARS I CHASED THEIR CHEERS
A CRAZY SPEED OF ALWAYS NEEDING MORE

He takes her hand. She draws close to him.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
BUT WHEN I STOP AND SEE YOU HERE
I REMEMBER WHO ALL OF THIS WAS FOR
FROM NOW ON, FROM NOW ON

Charity hugs him, touching her forehead to his. A quiet
moment. They are intimate again. He confesses in a whisper.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
I wanted to be better than who I was. *
And I lost my way... *

Charity reaches for his face and lifts it to face hers.

CHARITY
I never wanted anything but you. The man *
I fell in love with. *

Barnum’s eyes fill with tears. He’s got her back.

BARNUM
That is the man I will be. From now on. *
(beat) *
Charity...




(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 101.
141 CONTINUED: (2) 141

CHARITY
Stop selling already and kiss me.

They kiss.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary On a melancholic beach at sunset, Charity feels lonely until Barnum approaches, vulnerable and regretful. They engage in an emotional exchange where Barnum confesses his love and acknowledges his past mistakes. Charity reveals her longing for the man she fell in love with, leading to a heartfelt moment of reconciliation. The scene culminates in a tender kiss, symbolizing their emotional reconnection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Relatively static setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and pivotal in the character development of Barnum and Charity.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of redemption and reconciliation is effectively portrayed through the heartfelt interaction between Barnum and Charity.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Barnum and Charity reconcile, resolving a major conflict in their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to the reconciliation trope, focusing on emotional vulnerability and personal growth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Barnum and Charity are deeply explored, showing vulnerability, growth, and a renewed connection.

Character Changes: 9

Both Barnum and Charity undergo significant emotional growth and reconciliation, leading to a positive change in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to seek forgiveness and reconciliation with his loved one. This reflects his deeper need for redemption, acceptance, and love.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to win back the trust and love of his partner. This reflects the immediate challenge of repairing a broken relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and tension, the scene primarily focuses on resolution and reconciliation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face emotional barriers and personal challenges that must be overcome for reconciliation to occur.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of the emotional impact on the characters and the future of their relationship.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving a major conflict and setting the stage for the characters' future actions and decisions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' emotional responses and the outcome of their reconciliation. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the complexities of the characters' relationship.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of redemption, forgiveness, and personal growth. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his own worthiness and capacity for change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly through the heartfelt reunion of Barnum and Charity.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is poignant, heartfelt, and conveys the emotional depth of the characters' feelings.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, intimate character interactions, and heartfelt dialogue. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional journey and personal growth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its emotional impact, allowing for moments of tension, reflection, and resolution to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a traditional structure for a romantic reconciliation scene, building tension and emotional depth through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, effectively showcasing Barnum's vulnerability and the depth of his feelings for Charity. The contrast between his previous bravado and his current state of humility adds a powerful layer to his character arc.
  • The dialogue is heartfelt and poignant, particularly Barnum's confession about his past mistakes and his desire to be the man Charity fell in love with. This moment of honesty is crucial for character development and resonates well with the audience.
  • The use of music to underscore the emotional beats enhances the scene's impact, allowing the audience to feel the gravity of Barnum's words and the rekindling of their connection.
  • The setting of the beach at sunset is visually striking and metaphorically rich, symbolizing both the end of a tumultuous journey and the potential for a new beginning. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the atmosphere.
  • While the scene effectively builds tension and anticipation for the reunion, the pacing could be adjusted slightly. The moment where Barnum hesitates before speaking could be extended to heighten the emotional stakes, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his uncertainty.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the beach setting, such as the sound of the waves, the chill in the air, or the feel of the sand, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Extend the moment of hesitation before Barnum speaks to emphasize his vulnerability and the emotional stakes of the conversation. This could involve a longer pause or a brief internal monologue that reflects his fears and hopes.
  • Incorporate more visual cues that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as Charity's body language or the way the sunset casts shadows, to enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Explore the use of silence more strategically. After Barnum's confession, a moment of silence could allow the weight of his words to settle before Charity responds, creating a more impactful exchange.
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or memory that illustrates a happier moment between Barnum and Charity, reinforcing the stakes of their reunion and deepening the audience's emotional investment.



Scene 40 -  A New Partnership
142 EXT. BANK - MANHATTAN - DAY 142

Barnum steps out of the bank, loosening his tie.

PHILLIP (O.C.)
Did they say no?

Barnum looks up to see Phillip, now fully recovered, joining
him. Barnum offers a small smile, glad to see him.

BARNUM
Emphatically. Repeatedly.
(shakes his head)
I used to thrive on rejection -- educated
men sitting behind desks telling me what
I can’t do. But after twenty or thirty
times, it starts to wear a fellow down.

He sits on the bank steps -- worn out, losing hope.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
I don’t think there’s a single sucker in
this country that I can fool into giving
me money anymore.

Phillip sits next to him -- calm and philosophical.

PHILLIP
You know, Barnum? When I first met you,
I had an inheritance. I had acclaim. I
had invitations to every party in town.
And now, thanks to you, that’s gone.

Barnum looks at him -- where’s this going?

PHILLIP (CONT’D)
All that’s left now is friendship, my
love with Anne, and work I adore. So
thanks a lot, Barnum.
(turning serious)
You brought joy into my life, where
there was none before. It’s the one
thing you’re good at.

BARNUM
Yes, unfortunately, banks don’t accept
joy as collateral.



(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 102.
142 CONTINUED: 142

PHILLIP
Still, there’s a few suckers out there.

Barnum looks at him -- what does that mean? Phillip grins.

PHILLIP (CONT’D)
I own ten percent of the show, remember?
I’ve been taking my cut every week. If
it helps, I’ve got about twelve thousand
stashed away.

Barnum looks at Phillip, surprised. He grins.

BARNUM
But I can’t let you gamble it all on me.

PHILLIP
Come on. Has there ever been a man in
this country who’s created so much out of
sheer imagination? It’s not a gamble.

Barnum smiles. Phillip puts out his hand.

BARNUM
Partners?

Beat. Barnum takes his hand, and they shake. They stand up.

PHILLIP
You know it’s not enough to buy a new *
building... *

BARNUM
Oh, we don’t need a building! I can get *
land down by the docks for nothing! What *
we really need is a tent! A big one! *
Colorful and festive! That will make you *
stop and want to see what’s inside...! *

Phillip grins. As they walk off, Barnum puts his arm around
him, spinning his latest vision.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
...The great thing about a tent is when *
you’re done with it, you take it down,
pack it up, take it on the road! Don’t
you see? With a tent we can go anywhere!
Why, the world itself becomes our home!

PHILLIP
It’s good to have you back, PT.

PRELAP: Music.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 103.
Genres: ["Drama","Musical"]

Summary After facing rejection at the bank, Barnum feels defeated but finds encouragement in Phillip's support. They discuss the possibility of using Phillip's savings to fund Barnum's next venture, leading to a renewed sense of partnership and vision for a traveling show. The scene transitions from despair to hope as they walk away together, excited about their future plans.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of hope and renewal, setting the stage for a new chapter in Barnum's life.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of rebuilding and starting anew after facing setbacks is well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on Barnum's determination to overcome financial challenges and pursue his dreams, providing a sense of progression.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of rejection and perseverance, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves into the bond between Barnum and Phillip, showcasing their growth and mutual support.

Character Changes: 7

Barnum experiences a shift in perspective, moving from despair to determination, while Phillip demonstrates unwavering loyalty and support.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to regain his confidence and hope after facing repeated rejection. This reflects his deeper need for validation and success.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to secure funding for his show. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in terms of financial stability and success.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Barnum grapples with financial difficulties and self-doubt.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 5

While the financial stakes are high for Barnum, the scene focuses more on personal growth and resilience.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets the stage for Barnum's next venture and hints at the challenges and triumphs to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' decisions and the outcome of their conversation, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in his ability to create joy and success out of imagination, and the societal norms of financial security and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of hope and camaraderie, resonating with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Barnum and Phillip is heartfelt and meaningful, emphasizing themes of friendship and resilience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the emotional depth of the characters, the humor in their interactions, and the sense of hope and determination.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with humor and dialogue, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of vulnerability for Barnum, showcasing his emotional state after repeated failures. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while Barnum expresses his despair, Phillip's response feels somewhat disconnected from the gravity of the situation. A deeper exploration of Phillip's feelings about his own losses could enhance the emotional weight of their exchange.
  • The transition from Barnum's despair to the idea of partnership with Phillip is somewhat abrupt. While it is a natural progression, the emotional shift could be more gradual. Adding a moment of reflection or hesitation from Barnum before he agrees to partner with Phillip would create a more impactful moment.
  • Phillip's dialogue about joy feels slightly out of place given the context of Barnum's rejection. While it serves to uplift Barnum, it might come off as overly optimistic in a moment of despair. A more nuanced approach, where Phillip acknowledges the difficulty of the situation while still offering support, could resonate better with the audience.
  • The visual elements of the scene are minimal. Describing the setting in more detail could enhance the atmosphere. For instance, the bustling bank environment contrasted with Barnum's isolation could visually represent his internal struggle.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, Barnum's line about banks not accepting joy as collateral could be rephrased to be more succinct, enhancing its punch.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after Barnum expresses his despair, allowing the weight of his words to settle before Phillip responds. This can heighten the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Explore Phillip's character further by having him share a personal anecdote about how Barnum's influence has changed his life, which would deepen their bond and provide context for his gratitude.
  • Incorporate more visual descriptions of the setting to create a stronger sense of place and mood. For example, describe the bank's exterior, the sounds of the city, or the expressions of passersby to enhance the scene's atmosphere.
  • Revise some of the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. For instance, consider rephrasing Barnum's lines to convey his feelings more directly, which can help maintain the scene's pacing.
  • Add a moment where Barnum reflects on what the tent symbolizes for him personally, perhaps connecting it to his past dreams or failures, which would add depth to his vision and make the audience more invested in his journey.



Scene 41 -  A New Beginning Under the Big Top
143 EXT. BROOKLYN RIVERBANK - DAY 143

A SLEDGEHAMMER hits a metal stake, driving it deep into the
ground. We WIDEN to find DOZENS OF WORKERS across the field.
Barnum pitches in, sleeves rolled, honest sweat on his brow.
Phillip picks up a sledgehammer and joins the others.

ODDITIES & WORKERS
FROM NOW ON

BARNUM
THESE EYES WILL NOT BE BLINDED BY THE LIGHTS

ODDITIES & WORKERS
FROM NOW ON

BARNUM
WHAT'S WAITED 'TIL TOMORROW STARTS TONIGHT

BARNUM (CONT’D) FREAKS
AND LET THE PROMISE IN ME AH *
START
LIKE AN ANTHEM IN MY HEART AH

ODDITIES & BARNUM
FROM NOW ON, FROM NOW ON

BARNUM FREAKS
FROM NOW ON AND WE WILL COME BACK HOME *
AGAIN
FROM NOW ON AND WE WILL COME BACK HOME
AGAIN
FROM NOW ON AND WE WILL COME BACK HOME
AGAIN

BARNUM
AND WE WILL COME BACK HOME AGAIN

MUSIC ends.

144 EXT. BROOKLYN RIVERBANK - DAY 144

Phillip and Anne are married on a Sunday morning. Except for *
W.D., both families have boycotted the ceremony. *

But the bride and groom are surrounded by their adopted
family of circus performers, with Caroline and Helen as
flower girls, and Barnum and Charity bearing witness.
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 104.


145 EXT. BROOKLYN RIVERBANK - DUSK 145

The glorious tent, the first, is pitched and ready to go.
The attractions are all here, as well as dozens of animals
and TRAINERS, and other CREW. The anticipation is palpable.

The sun sets and dozens of CARBON ARC LAMPS blast on, bathing
the circus in a warm glow. We CUT TO:

146 EXT. BROOKLYN RIVERBANK - DUSK (LATER) 146

Barnum stands watching as, in the distance, CROWDS stream
into the tent. Phillip walks up, joins him. Barnum turns.

BARNUM
I have a job for you.

PHILLIP
I thought I had a job.

BARNUM
The circus has three rings now. There’s
a lot happening. We need a master of
ceremonies to guide the audience.

He takes off his Top Hat, hands it over. A DRUM begins UNDER. *

BARNUM (CONT’D)
Congratulations. You’re the Ringmaster.

PHILLIP
But I’m not a performer.

BARNUM
Everyone’s got an act, Mr. Carlyle.

Phillip smiles, recalling the first words Anne said to him.

BARNUM (CONT’D)
I’d do it myself, but I plan to be busy.

PHILLIP
Doing what?

BARNUM
Watching my girls grow up.
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary The scene unfolds at the Brooklyn riverbank where Barnum and his workers, including Phillip, passionately construct a circus while singing an anthem of hope. The atmosphere shifts to Phillip and Anne's wedding, celebrated with their circus family in place of their biological families. As dusk settles, the circus tent glows, and Barnum honors Phillip by appointing him as the Ringmaster, marking his personal growth and newfound responsibilities. The scene is filled with uplifting emotions, showcasing themes of chosen family and the promise of new beginnings.
Strengths
  • Emotional resonance
  • Unity theme
  • Character growth
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict
  • Predictable resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, moving, and sets the stage for a new beginning for the characters. It effectively conveys themes of resilience and hope.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of rebuilding and starting fresh after setbacks is well-executed and resonates with the audience. It provides closure and a sense of renewal for the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on the characters coming together to create a new circus and highlights their determination to move forward. It sets the stage for a new chapter in their lives.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and situations within the circus setting, with authentic dialogue and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show growth, unity, and resilience in this scene. Their interactions and actions reflect their development and determination to overcome challenges.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show growth and a willingness to start anew, reflecting a change in their outlook and determination. They come together as a unified group.

Internal Goal: 8

Barnum's internal goal is to create a sense of belonging and family among the circus performers, as well as to watch his daughters grow up.

External Goal: 7

Barnum's external goal is to successfully run the circus with multiple rings and attract a large audience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is a sense of conflict in the characters' past struggles and losses, the scene focuses more on resolution, unity, and moving forward, reducing the conflict level.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with challenges and conflicts that drive the character's actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 6

While the characters have faced significant challenges and losses, the scene focuses more on rebuilding and starting fresh, reducing the immediate high stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting the stage for a new chapter in the characters' lives. It provides closure to past conflicts and paves the way for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character interactions and plot developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Barnum's desire to create a sense of family and belonging within the circus community, and the societal expectations and challenges he faces as a circus owner.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of hope, nostalgia, and inspiration. It resonates with the audience and leaves a powerful impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and conveys the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It drives the scene forward and reinforces the themes of unity and perseverance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, character dynamics, and thematic resonance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a sense of hope and renewal, which is essential for the climax of the story. The use of music to convey the emotional weight of the moment is powerful, but the lyrics could be more specific to Barnum's journey to enhance the connection between the audience and his character.
  • The transition from the construction of the circus to the wedding ceremony is smooth, but it could benefit from more visual details that emphasize the significance of both events. For instance, showing the workers' camaraderie and joy during the construction could parallel the warmth of the wedding, reinforcing the theme of family.
  • Barnum's dialogue with Phillip is a nice touch, but it feels slightly rushed. Expanding on their conversation could deepen their relationship and highlight Barnum's growth as a mentor. This would also provide a more poignant moment as Barnum passes on the responsibility of the Ringmaster.
  • The emotional stakes could be heightened by including a moment of reflection from Barnum as he hands over the top hat. This could serve as a symbolic gesture of his acceptance of change and his commitment to his family, contrasting with his earlier ambitions.
  • The scene lacks a clear visual motif that ties together the themes of homecoming and belonging. Incorporating recurring imagery, such as the circus tent or the sledgehammer, could create a stronger thematic resonance throughout the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the lyrics to the anthem to include more personal reflections from Barnum about his journey, which would make the song feel more intimate and connected to his character arc.
  • Add more visual elements that showcase the joy and teamwork of the workers during the construction of the circus, perhaps through close-ups of their faces or interactions, to create a more vibrant atmosphere.
  • Expand the dialogue between Barnum and Phillip to include more about their shared experiences and the significance of Phillip stepping into the role of Ringmaster, which would enhance their bond and the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Include a brief moment where Barnum reflects on what the top hat symbolizes for him before handing it to Phillip, emphasizing the transition of leadership and his commitment to his family.
  • Incorporate a visual motif, such as the circus tent being raised or the sledgehammer striking the ground, to symbolize the themes of homecoming and new beginnings, creating a cohesive visual narrative throughout the scene.



Scene 42 -  A Night of Celebration and Legacy
147 INT. CIRCUS TENT - DUSK 147

We return to Barnum’s reverie from the opening of the movie:
Barnum gazes at the crowd, taking in the joy and excitement *
all around him. SOUND FADES. In a wistful moment, he sings *
to himself about the long road it took to get here. *


(CONTINUED)
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 105.
147 CONTINUED: 147

BARNUM
IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE DARKNESS
THAT FALLS EVERY NIGHT
HOW WOULD WE KNOW
THAT THE SUN GIVES US LIGHT

Barnum watches proudly as Phillip puts on his top hat, then
steps into the rings -- the new Ringmaster. SOUND returns. *

Barnum checks his pocket watch, then turns. Eunice, the
elephant, is held by a Trainer at the edge of the tent.

EXT. FIFTH AVENUE - DUSK

Barnum rides Eunice down Fifth Avenue, drawing stares and
Gawkers. KIDS run along side, thrilled to see an elephant.

EXT. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART - DUSK

Charity, Caroline, and Helen wait on the steps of the Met.
Caroline wears a tutu under her coat. Around them, Parents *
and young Ballerinas climb the stairs and stream into the
museum entrance. A small banner reads, “Metropolitan Annual
Ballet Recital”. Charity checks a distant tower clock. *
Helen sees something, points. They all react with disbelief. *

ANGLE -- Barnum rides Eunice up towards the Met steps.

BARNUM
WE'D NEVER LOSE OUR WAY
IF WE DIDN'T DARE TO ROAM
TO WANDER FROM THE PATH
IS HOW YOU KNOW YOU’RE HOME *

Helen giggles. Charity smiles, shakes her head. Caroline
hides her face in her hands, but she is laughing -- she has
accepted Barnum for who he is, grand gestures and all.

INT. CIRCUS TENT - DUSK *

Phillip stands in the center ring and gazes in wonder as the *
circus goes full throttle all around him. He turns to Anne *
and sings. She smiles affectionately at her new husband. *

PHILLIP *
YOU MAKE ME REAL *
MAKE ME FEEL I’M ALIVE *

ANNE *
LOVE CAN REVEAL *
EVERY REASON TO SURVIVE *

He puts an arm around her. She wraps her arms around him. *
The Greatest Showman On Earth 4/20/15 Draft 106.


EXT. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART - DUSK *

Barnum slides down Eunice’s trunk, hands a leash to a
startled young VALET. He strides up to his family. *

BARNUM *
WITHOUT YOU ALL THE RICHES *
IN THE WORLD ADD UP TO NONE *
WITHOUT YOU ALL THE THINGS *
WE LOVE TO DO *
AREN'T HALF AS FUN *

They hug him, then turn and sing together.

ALL
ALL THE WONDERS IN THE WORLD
AND THE ONES WE'VE YET TO VIEW
WOULDN'T BE SO WONDERFUL
IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU

Barnum, his arms around his wife and daughters, turn and walk
up the Museum steps together.


148 EXT. CIRCUS TENT - NIGHT (2015) 148

The Big Top, lit within, stands on the Brooklyn shore. MUSIC
plays UNDER as we hear the CROWD APPLAUD inside the tent.

We CRANE UP, rising high, as FIREWORKS explode across sky, we
CIRCLE AROUND to SEE the across the river is the contemporary
skyline of Manhattan. Barnum’s legacy still stands -- more
than a century later -- as The Greatest Show On Earth.

FADE TO BLACK



TITLE CARD:

“The noblest art is that of making others happy”
-- P. T. Barnum
Genres: ["Musical","Drama"]

Summary In this joyful scene, Barnum reflects on his journey while watching Phillip take on the role of Ringmaster. He rides Eunice the elephant through Fifth Avenue, delighting the crowd, as Charity and their daughters enjoy the spectacle at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Phillip and Anne share a tender moment in the circus tent, singing about love, while the family reunites to celebrate their bond and the wonders of the world. The scene culminates in a vibrant display of fireworks over the circus tent, symbolizing Barnum's lasting legacy of happiness.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Musical performances
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of major conflict
  • Some predictable resolutions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively ties up loose ends, delivers emotional impact, and leaves a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of family, acceptance, and the pursuit of dreams is well-executed and resonates with the audience.

Plot: 8

The plot brings together various storylines and characters, providing closure and resolution.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the theme of personal fulfillment and family relationships within the context of a circus setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show growth and development, particularly Barnum and his family, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Characters, especially Barnum, show growth and change, particularly in their relationships and priorities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find fulfillment and purpose in his achievements, as reflected in his reflective song lyrics and interactions with his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to showcase his success and happiness to his family, as seen in his interactions with them and the grand gestures he makes.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there are moments of tension and conflict, the overall tone is more about resolution and reconciliation.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in the scene is minimal, with most conflicts being resolved through emotional resolutions and character growth.

High Stakes: 6

While there are personal stakes involved, the focus is more on emotional resolution and closure.

Story Forward: 7

The scene wraps up the storylines and sets the stage for a new beginning, moving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in its emotional beats and character resolutions, but still maintains interest through its thematic exploration.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of finding happiness and fulfillment in personal achievements versus familial relationships and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially in the reunions and musical performances.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is heartfelt and impactful, conveying emotions and relationships effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character interactions, and thematic resonance, drawing the audience into the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing emotional moments to resonate and character interactions to develop naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, development, and resolution of the protagonist's goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional culmination of Barnum's journey, showcasing his growth and the importance of family. However, the transition from Barnum's introspection to the external celebration could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the circus tent to Fifth Avenue may disorient the audience, as it jumps from a personal moment to a public spectacle.
  • The lyrics sung by Barnum are poignant and encapsulate the themes of light and darkness, but they could benefit from more specificity or imagery that ties back to his personal experiences. This would deepen the emotional resonance and connect the audience more intimately with his journey.
  • The interactions between Barnum and his family are heartwarming, but they could be enhanced by adding more dialogue that reflects their individual personalities and relationships. This would provide a richer emotional texture and allow the audience to engage more with each character's perspective.
  • Phillip and Anne's moment in the center ring is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat disconnected from Barnum's narrative. Integrating their storyline more closely with Barnum's emotional arc could create a more cohesive scene, emphasizing the theme of family and chosen family.
  • The final visual of the fireworks and the contemporary skyline is a powerful image, but it could be more impactful if it tied back to Barnum's legacy in a more explicit way. Perhaps a brief reflection from Barnum on what he hopes his legacy will be could enhance this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Barnum as he watches Phillip become the Ringmaster, perhaps recalling a specific memory that highlights his growth and the significance of this moment.
  • Enhance the transition between the circus tent and Fifth Avenue by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two settings, such as the sound of the circus music fading into the sounds of the city.
  • Include more dialogue between Barnum and his family that showcases their individual personalities and their relationships with one another, allowing for a deeper emotional connection.
  • Integrate Phillip and Anne's storyline more closely with Barnum's by having them express their gratitude or admiration for Barnum's journey, reinforcing the theme of family and support.
  • Add a moment where Barnum explicitly acknowledges his hopes for his legacy, perhaps through a line of dialogue or a reflective thought, to create a stronger connection to the final visual of the fireworks and the skyline.