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Scene 1 -  The Hudsucker Proxy: Opening Scene
11 EXT. TOP FLOOR 11
With the LAST TOLL of the CLOCK punctuating the CUT, we
are FLOATING IN TOWARDS the shattered board room window.
The woman's SCREAM on the street below is FAINT, ECHOING,
MIXING INTO the sound of an APPROACHING SIREN.

THROUGH the window we see the BOARD MEMBERS still
sitting around the table, paralyzed in attitudes of
horror and disbelief. All stare at the shattered window
in the f.g.

At the far end of the table, Hudsucker's chair is empty
and oddly askew. His cigar still smokes in its ashtray.
There are dust footprints down the middle of the long
oak table.

(CONTINUED)
12.

11 CONTINUED: 11
One Executive sits with a pluming cigarette held half-
way to his mouth; another holds a carafe suspended on its
way to his water glass; another holds his spectacles
inches from his nose.
We hear only the HUM of the HUDSUCKER CLOCK.

SID MUSSBURGER ENTERS FRAME at the window. He is a tall
middle-aged executive with lean and rugged good looks and
a commanding presence.

He knocks a last piece of glass out of the sill with his
knuckle, looks out, grunts, and draws his head back in.
The CAMERA FOLLOWS him INTO the room. The other board
members' heads swivel to watch him, all staring,
searching desperately for some hint as to the fate of
their fallen leader. Apparently, some absurd hope still
lingers.
Mussburger perches on the board table by his own chair.
He reaches over to pluck the smoking cigar from the
suicide's ashtray.

MUSSBURGER
Pity to waste a whole Monte Cristo.
The other board members unfreeze, their worst fears
confirmed.
AN EXECUTIVE
He could've opened the window.
ELDERLY EXECUTIVE
Waring Hudsucker never did anything
the easy way.

ADDISON
My God, why?! Why did he do it?!
Things were going so well!

MUSSBURGER
What am I a headshrinker? Maybe the
man was unhappy.

ADDISON
He didn't look unhappy!
EXECUTIVE
Yeah, well, he didn't look rich.

(CONTINUED)
13.

11 CONTINUED: (2) 11
ELDERY EXECUTIVE
Waring Hudsucker was never an easy
man to figure out.
(reminiscing)
He built this company with his
bare hands. Every step he took
was a step up. Except of course
this last one.
MUSSBURGER
Sure, sure, he was a swell guy,
but when the president, chairman
of the board and holder of
eighty-seven percent of the
company's stock drops forty-four
floors --

PRECISE EXECUTIVE
Forty-five --
ELDERY EXECUTIVE
Counting the mezzanine --
MUSSBURGER
-- Then the company has a problem.
Stillson, what exactly is the
disposition of Waring's stock?
STILLSON
Well, as you know, Hud left no
will and had no family. The
company bylaws are quite clear
in that event. His entire
portfolio will be converted to
common stock and will be sold
over the counter as of the first
of the fiscal year following his
demise.
MUSSBURGER
Meaning?

STILLSON
Meaning simply that Waring's stock,
and control of the company, will
be available to the public on
January first.
MUSSBURGER
You mean to tell me that any slob
in a smelly T-shirt will be able
to buy Hudsucker stock?
Stillson shrugs.

(CONTINUED)
14.

11 CONTINUED: (3) 11
STILLSON
The company bylaws are quite
clear.
ADDISON
My God! You're animals! How can
you discuss his stock when the man
has just leapt forty-five floors --
PRECISE EXECUTIVE
Forty-four --

ELDERLY EXECUTIVE
-- Not counting the mezzanine.

MUSSBURGER
Quit showboating, Addison, the
man is gone. The question now
is whether we're going to let
John Q. Public waltz in and buy
87 percent of our company.
PIPE-SMOKING EXECUTIVE
What're you suggesting, Sidney?
Certainly we can't afford to buy
a controlling interest.
MUSSBURGER
Not while the stock is this strong.
How long before Hud's paper hits
the market?
STILLSON
January first.
AN EXECUTIVE
Thirty days.

ANOTHER EXECUTIVE
Four weeks.

ADDISON
A month at the most.
MUSSBURGER
One month to make the blue-chip
investment of the century look
like a round-trip ticket on the
Titanic.

AN EXECUTIVE
We play up the fact that Hud is
dead.
(CONTINUED)
15.

11 CONTINUED: (4) 11
ALL
(in unison)
Long live the Hud!!
ANOTHER EXECUTIVE
We depress the stock --

YET ANOTHER EXECUTIVE
-- to the point where we can buy
fifty-percent.

PRECISE EXECUTIVE
Fifty-one.
ELDERLY EXECUTIVE
Not counting the mezzanine.

CAUTIOUS EXECUTIVE
It could work.
OPTIMISTIC EXECUTIVE
It should work.
PRACTICAL EXECUTIVE
It would work.
MUSSBURGER
(at ticker tape
machine)
It's working already. Waring
Hudsucker is abstract art on Madison
Avenue. All we need now is a new
president who will inspire real
panic in our stockholders.
ENTHUSIASTIC EXECUTIVE
Yeah, a puppet!

ANOTHER EXECUTIVE
A proxy!

YET ANOTHER EXECUTIVE
A pawn!
Mussburger strides across the room from the still
CHATTERING TICKER TAPE MACHINE and lowers himself into
Waring Hudsucker's chair. He takes a last puff from his
cigar and slowly exhales a cloud of smoke.
MUSSBURGER
Sure, sure. Some jerk we can
really push around.
CUT TO:
16.

12 OMITTED 12
& &
13 13


14 SWINGING STEEL DOORS 14
that read, "MAILROOM." They burst open as Norville, who
wears a mail clerk's leather apron, imprinted: HUDSUCKER
MAILROOM/The Future is Now. The hellish mailroom is
criss-crossed by pipes that emit HISSING jets of STEAM.
As he wheels a piled-high mail cart down the aisle,
Norville is accompanied by an orientation AGENT who
bellows at him over the clamor and roar of many men
laboring in the bowels of a great corporation.

AGENT
You punch in at 8:30 every morning
except you punch in at 7:30
following a business holiday
unless it's a Monday and then
you punch in at eight o'clock!
You punch in at 7:45 whenever we
work extended day and you punch
out at the regular time unless
you've worked through lunch!
NORVILLE
What's exte--

AGENT
Punch in late and they dock ya!
People on either side bellow at Norville and stuff
envelopes and packages under his elbows, into his
pockets, under his chin, between his clenched teeth, etc.
FIRST SCREAMER
This goes to seven! Mr. Mutuszak!
Urgent!
AGENT
Incoming articles, get a voucher!
Outgoing articles, provide a
voucher! Move any article
without a voucher and they dock
ya!

SECOND SCREAMER
Take this up to the secretarial
pool on three! Right away! Don't
break it!

(CONTINUED)
17.

14 CONTINUED: 14
AGENT
Letter size a green voucher!
Folder size a yellow voucher!
Parcel size a maroon voucher!
THIRD SCREAMER
This one's for Morgatross! Chop
chop!
AGENT
Wrong color voucher and they dock
ya! Six-seven-eight-seven-zero-
four-niner-alpha-slash-six! That
is your employee number! It will
not be repeated! Without your
employee number you cannot cash
your paycheck!
FOURTH SCREAMER
This goes up to twenty-seven! If
there's no one there bring it
down to eighteen! Have 'em sign
the waiver! DON'T COME BACK
DOWN HERE WITHOUT A SIGNED
WAIVER!!
AGENT
Inter-office mail is code 37!
INTRA-office mail is 37-dash-3!
Outside mail is 3-dash 37! Code
it wrong and they dock ya!
FIFTH SCREAMER
I was supposed to have this on
twenty-eight ten minutes ago!
Cover for me!

AGENT
This has been your orientation!
Is there anything you do not
understand? Is there anything
you understand only partially?
If you have not been fully-
oriented -- if there is something
you do not understand in all of
its particulars you must file a
complaint with personnel! File
a faulty complaint... and they
dock ya!

CUT TO:
18.

15 NORVILLE 15
standing in front of a shelf of cubbyholes. As we FOLLOW
his hand drawing an 8 X 10 envelope across the line of
alphabetized mail slots. The envelope is addressed to
Max Kloppitt, Jr.
NORVILLE
(muttering to
himself)
... Bring it down to fif(?)...
fifteen... sign the voucher, uh,
waiver... cover for Mr. Anatole...
he's a swell guy... Morgatross...
He was on, uh...
He is COASTING ACROSS the "K" mail slots, finally COMES
TO Max Kloppitt, Sr. His hand moves to the next slot,
Max Kloppitt, Jr. This slot is half the size of all the
others. The envelope will not fit in.
He frowns.
He is about to fold the envelope, but notices something
stamped in red on its face. DO NOT FOLD.

Norville frowns. As he stares at the envelope, we see
envelopes swishing across the f.g., whipping one by one
in rapid succession, left to right.


CLOSEUP - ANCIENT SORTER
An old man sitting at the adjacent shelf, sorting mail.
Without ever even looking up, with a constant high-speed
back and forth flicking of his right hand, he is whisking
pieces of mail one by one out of the pile of mail in his
left hand.


ANCIENT SORTER'S SHELF
As his letters fly furiously but neatly into their mail
slots.

NORVILLE

He raises his voice over the mailroom din:
NORVILLE
Say, what do you do when the
envelope is too big for the slot?

The ANCIENT SORTER considers this as he continues
whisking his mail.

(CONTINUED)
19.

15 CONTINUED: 15
ANCIENT SORTER
Well... if ya fold 'em, they
fire ya...
Whisk. Whisk. Whisk.

ANCIENT SORTER
... I usually throw 'em out.
Norville takes out a pencil and writes on the face of
the envelope:

INSERT - LETTER

Dear Mr. Kloppit,

Please give this letter to your son.
Thank you,
Norville Barnes.
After a moment he adds:
Your friend in the mailroom.


BACK TO SCENE
NORVILLE
(talking as he
writes)
Just got hired today!
ANCIENT SORTER
Terrific.

NORVILLE
Ya know, entry level!

ANCIENT SORTER
Tell me about it.
NORVILLE
I got big ideas, though!

ANCIENT SORTER
I'm sure you do.

NORVILLE
For instance, take a look at this
sweet baby...
(CONTINUED)
20.

15 CONTINUED: (2) 15
Norville is taking an envelope from his pocket and
handing it to the Ancient Sorter.

NORVILLE
... you look like you can keep a
secret...

The Ancient Sorter is pulling a ragged piece of paper
from the envelope. On the paper is a crudely-drawn
circle.

NORVILLE
... Something I developed myself.
Yessir, this is my ticket upstairs.

The Ancient Sorter looks questioningly from the circle
to Norville.
NORVILLE
(explains)
... You know, for kids!
The Ancient Sorter nods with feigned understanding as
Norville takes the paper back.
ANCIENT SORTER
Terrific.
NORVILLE
So ya see, I won't be in the
mailroom long.


ANCIENT SORTER
(deadpan)
Nooo, I don't guess you will be.

He resumes his sorting.
NORVILLE
How long've you been down here?

ANCIENT SORTER
Forty-eight years...

Whisk. Whisk.

ANCIENT SORTER
... Next year they move me up to
parcels...

Whisk. Whisk. Whisk.
ANCIENT SORTER
... If I'm lucky.
(CONTINUED)
21.

15 CONTINUED: (3) 15
A BELL CLANGS.

The PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEM SPUTTERS to life.
PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEM (V.O.)
Attention Hudsucker employees.
We regretfully announce that at
12:01 this afternoon, Hudsucker
time, Waring Hudsucker, Founder,
President, and Chairman of the
Board of Hudsucker Industries,
merged with the infinite. To mark
this occasion of corporate loss,
we ask that all employees observe
a moment of silent contemplation.

All HUBBUB ABRUPTLY STOPS and the sounds of HEAVY
MACHINERY, HISSING STEAM PIPES, and GENERATORS WIND DOWN
TO leave total SILENCE. After a moment:
PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEM (V.O.)
... Thank you for your kind
attention. This moment has been
duly-noted on your time cards and
will be deducted from your pay.
That is all.
The MACHINERY GROANS back INTO ACTION and the people
return to their jobs just as:
A STEAM WHISTLE SCREECHES.
ALARM BELLS go OFF.

From the PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEM:
PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEM (V.O.)
'Blue letter! Blue letter!'
The mail room is thrown into pandemonium.

VARIOUS VOICES
Blue letter...! It's a blue
letter...! They're bringing down
a blue letter!

One MAN spins to face the CAMERA, his hands pressed
over his ears. STEAM JETS and HISSES behind him.
MAN
Blue letter!!

Animated for the first time:
(CONTINUED)
22.

15 CONTINUED: (4) 15
ANCIENT SORTER
Jumpin' Jehosephat, a blue letter!

Mail carts and other paraphernalia are abruptly swept
out of the crowded aisle to form a clear path running
down to an elevator in the b.g.

With a SIREN SOUND, a light above the elevator goes on.
The elevator door sweeps open. It reveals a wall into
which a four-foot high hinged door is set.

This door swings open and an old dwarf emerges: Old
man HUTCHINSON, the boss of the mailroom. He emerges
from the blinding light of the interior of the elevator.
He is holding aloft a letter.

He takes loping drawf strides down the aisle.


CLOSEUP - LETTER
TRACKING ON letter as Hutchinson bears it along. In
the b.g., the faces that the letter passes are agog.

CROSSCUT the approaching blue letter WITH: Norville
and the Ancient Sorter.


BACK TO SCENE
The Ancient Sorter is leaning over to whisper into
Norville's ear.
ANCIENT SORTER
It's a blue letter... top, top
level... confidential
communication between the brass...
usually bad news... they hate
blue letters upstairs... Hate 'em!
Norville gulps.

HUTCHINSON
You!

Norville looks over his shoulder, but the Ancient Sorter
has disappeared.
HUTCHINSON
... Yeah, you! Barnes!

As he points, the people around Norville shrink away.
(CONTINUED)
23.

15 CONTINUED: (5) 15
HUTCHINSON
... You don't look busy! Think
you can handle a blue letter?
(laughs sadistically)
... This letter was sent down
this morning by the big guy
himself! 'At's right, Waring
Hudsucker! It's addressed to
Sid Mussburger! Hudsucker's
right-hand man! It's a blue
letter! That means you put it
right in Mussburger's hand. No
secretaries! No receptionists!
No colleagues! No excuses!

DRAMATIC TRACK IN ON Norville. As Hutchinson talks, he
thrusts the blue letter into Norville's face. Norville
looks at it with terrific apprehension. As Hutchinson's
speech ends, we are TIGHT ON Norville's sweating face.


COMPLEMENTARY TIGHT DUTCH ANGLE ON HUTCHINSON
We can see the veins in his eyes, the veins in his nose,
the hairs in his ears.
HUTCHINSON
Mussburger!!

CUT TO:

16 ELEVATOR DOORS 16

ROCKETING OPEN. We MOVE IN ON the young elevator operator
who leers INTO CAMERA. He wears a brass-buttoned uniform,
white gloves and a pillbox hat. The name BUZZ is stitched
onto his breast pocket.
As Norville enters the elevators:

BUZZ
Hiya, buddy! The name is Buzz,
I got the fuzz...

He lifts his pillbox hat to reveal a white crewcut, then
lets the elastic chin strap snap the cap back down onto
his head.
BUZZ
... I make the elevator do what
she duzz!
(CONTINUED)
24.

16 CONTINUED: 16
He holds out his hand but as Norville reaches to shake
it he snaps it away and pats down his crewcut:

BUZZ
... Hang it up to dry.

He cackles and powers the ELEVATOR into GEAR. Norville's
knees buckle under a huge upward surge; Buzz is accustomed
to it.
BUZZ
... What's your pleasure, buddy?
NORVILLE
(regaining his
balance)
Forty-fourth floor, and it's
very --
BUZZ
Forty-four, the top brass floor
say, buddy! What takes fifty years
to get up to the top floor and
thirty seconds to get down?
NORVILLE
I --
BUZZ
Waring Hudsucker! Na-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Say, buddy!
With a powerful DOWN-SHIFTING SOUND, Buzz brakes the
elevator to a sharp halt. Norville continues upward
with the inertia, painfully smacking his head against a
corner of the elevator.

Buzz opens the door and a couple of people enter.
BUZZ
Mr. Kline, up to nine. Mrs. Dell,
personnel. Mr. Levin, thirty-seven.
MR. LEVIN
Thirty-six.

BUZZ
Walk down. Ladies and gentlemen,
step to the rear; here comes
gargantuan Mr. Grier.

An obese MAN enters, smoking a cigar:
(CONTINUED)
25.

16 CONTINUED: (2) 16
FAT MAN
Buzz.

Buzz has already thrown the doors shut and sent the
elevator into its power-rise. Norville, bracing himself
now, sinks only a little under the G-force.

BUZZ
Say, buddy! Who's the most liquid
businessman on the street?

NORVILLE
Well, I --
BUZZ
Waring Hudsucker! Na-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Say, buddy! When is the sidewalk
fully dressed? When it's 'wearing'
Hudsucker! Na-ha-ha-ha!
He turns to look at Norville.
BUZZ
... Ya get it, buddy, it's a pun,
it's a knee-slapper, it's a play
on Jesus, Joseph and Mary, is that
a blue letter?!
All heads in the elevator turn, aghast, to look, and
those near Norville shrink away.
BUZZ
... Cripes a'mighty, whyn't ya
tell a guy?! Hold on, folks,
we're express to the top floor!
The ELEVATOR SCREAMS into overdrive and we:

CUT TO:

17 ELEVATOR DOORS 17
Sweeping open. Norville staggers out.

BUZZ
(hissing)
Good luck, buddy!
The door sweeps shut. Norville looks nervously around.

Behind him the elevator doors suddenly open again.
BUZZ
-- You'll need it!
(CONTINUED)
26.

17 CONTINUED: 17
The elevator doors slam shut and we hear its ENGINES
SCREAM as it power-dives away.

Norville turns toward the executive offices.
Plush, thick-carpeted silence.

Norville starts walking.
A SCRAPING SOUND stands out in the high-powered executive
quiet. Norville looks to one side.

A workman in painter's overalls squats in front of a pair
of heavy oak doors. With a razor blade he is scraping
off the name "WARING HUDSUCKER."

NORVILLE
... Mr. Mussburger's office?
The scraper looks sullenly over his shoulder at Norville.
With a jerk of his thumb he indicates the direction.
Norville enters the adjacent office.


18 OUTER OFFICE 18
Two secretaries are in Mussburger's outer reception
office. The first is a filing secretary who stands
frozen in the f.g., her hand poised over an open drawer
to deposit a folder, as she stares at Norville with an
amused and supercilious sneer which stays pasted on
throughout.

The second secretary -- the RECEPTIONIST -- is seated
behind a desk in the b.g. that flanks the door to
Mussburger's private office. The Receptionist sits with
her hands clasped on the desk, staring at Norville with
the hunch-shouldered down-from-under look of a patient
vulture.

RECEPTIONIST
Do you have an appointment?
NORVILLE
Uhh, no, I --

The filing secretary sneers.
RECEPTIONIST
Shall we look in the book,
hmmmmmmmmm?
(CONTINUED)
27.

18 CONTINUED: 18
She opens an enormous leather-bound book with yellowed
crinkly pages.

NORVILLE
No, ma'am, ya see, I wouldn't be
in the --

RECEPTIONIST
We don't seem to be in the boooook.
Norville is groping in his apron pocket.

NORVILLE
No, ma'am, ya see I don't have an --

RECEPTIONIST
If we had an appointment we'd be
in the booook.
NORVILLE
I know but ya see I have this --
here it is, this letter --
A low, unearthly WAIL fills the room, the sound of a
million souls moaning in purgatory.
The Receptionist looks up.


FAST TRACK IN ON SNEERING FILE SECRETARY
who is no longer sneering. Her mouth is stretched wide
as she wails and her finger points...


FAST TRACK IN ON BLUE LETTER

that Norville holds innocently at his side.

BACK TO TRACK IN ON WAILING SECRETARY

As her wail becomes deafening and we TRACK INTO her mouth
and the SCREEN GOES BLACK and:


19 CLICK. 19
The blackness and the wailing are both cut short by the
sound of a DOOR OPENING. We are:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Following Waring Hudsucker's suicide, Sid Mussburger proposes a scheme to the shocked board of directors to manipulate the stock and buy a controlling interest in Hudsucker Industries. As they discuss the plan, Norville Barnes arrives with a blue letter, facing hostility and indifference from secretaries.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective use of humor and suspense
  • Engaging character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some characters may come across as caricatures
  • Limited emotional depth in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines suspense, humor, and character dynamics to create an engaging and entertaining narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a blue letter and the high-pressure corporate environment is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces a significant event (the blue letter) and sets up potential conflicts and stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on the corporate world, blending dark humor with social commentary. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and engaging, each contributing to the humor and tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are hints of potential character growth, significant changes have not yet occurred in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the unfamiliar and intimidating corporate environment, showcasing his ambition and desire to move up the ranks.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver a blue letter to Sid Mussburger, showcasing his first task in the corporate world and the challenges he faces in doing so.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict present, both internal (character struggles) and external (corporate power dynamics).

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene, represented by the bureaucratic and oppressive corporate environment, creates conflict and challenges for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of delivering the blue letter and the power dynamics within the corporate environment raise the tension.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key plot elements and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to its dark humor and unexpected twists, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The scene presents a conflict between the dehumanizing nature of corporate bureaucracy and the individual's desire for recognition and advancement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from tension to amusement, but may not deeply resonate emotionally.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals character personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, dynamic characters, and intriguing setting that keeps the audience hooked.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions that keep the story moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting that enhances the pacing and tone.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, moving between different locations and characters to build tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual of the aftermath of Waring Hudsucker's suicide, setting a dark and intriguing tone.
  • The dialogue between the board members and Sid Mussburger is engaging and reveals the power dynamics and motivations of the characters.
  • The introduction of Norville Barnes is done well, showing his nervousness and innocence in contrast to the cutthroat corporate environment.
  • The humor injected into the scene with Buzz, the elevator operator, provides a nice break from the tension and adds a quirky element to the story.
  • The use of sound, like the wailing secretary, adds a surreal and eerie atmosphere to the scene.
  • The scene effectively sets up the power struggle and manipulation that will unfold in the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.
  • Add more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the executive offices.
  • Develop Norville's character further to make his introduction more memorable and engaging.
  • Explore ways to build suspense and tension throughout the scene to keep the audience hooked.
  • Consider adding more subtext and layers to the interactions between the characters to deepen the conflict and intrigue.



Scene 2 -  Office Disaster
INT. MUSSBURGER'S OFFICE
its door swinging open to admit Norville.
(CONTINUED)
28.

19 CONTINUED: 19
In the b.g., in the outer office, we can see the filing
secretary leaning back motionless in a chair with a damp
rag draped across her forehead. The Receptionist is
fanning her with a towel.
The door closes behind Norville.

We hear a rhythmic CLICK-CLICK-CLICK and the HUM of
VENTILATION.

NORVILLE'S POV
Across miles of carpet is a huge executive desk, behind
which is a large executive chair facing the window. From
above the back of the chair cigar smoke wreathes up. A
telephone cord snakes around to the man sitting in the
chair, hidden from us. On the desktop is a perpetual-
motion machine of large swinging ball bearings. Click-
click-click.
A TICKERTAPE MACHINE occasionally BURPS information in
the far corner of the office.

A huge MECHANICAL ARM -- the sweep second hand of the
Hudsucker clock on the facade of the building -- RUMBLES
by immediately outside the window, describing an arc that
throws a moving shadow across the office.

His BACK TO us, into the phone:
MUSSBURGER
-- Sure sure, Parkinson's stupid
but he's ambitious, too hard to
control...
He swivels around to face Norville, who stands
deferentially at the door. Still listening at the phone,
Mussburger waves Norville forward.
MUSSBURGER
... No! Not McClanahan; sure he
bungled the Teleyard merger, but
that means he's got something to
prove...

He covers the mouth piece.
MUSSBURGER
... Who let you in?

NORVILLE
I --
(CONTINUED)
29.

19 CONTINUED: (2) 19
Into the phone:

MUSSBURGER
Atwater? Tremendous. Except I
fired him last week --

The INTERCOM BUZZES fiercely.

VOICE (V.O.)
Mr. Bumstead is waiting downstairs.

Mussburger hits the intercom.
MUSSBURGER
Tell him I'll be right there...
(looks at Norville)
Well, what is it?
NORVILLE
I --
But Mussburger is listening to the TINNY VOICE issuing
from the PHONE.

MUSSBURGER
You, maybe you're the company's
biggest moron. We can't use
Morris, he's been with us too
long, he's a nice guy, too many
friends. Matter of fact, why
don't you fire him. No -- scratch
that; I'll fire him.
(looks up at
Norville)
... Make it fast, make it fast.
NORVILLE
You --
The INTERCOM SQUAWKS.

VOICE (V.O.)
Mr. Bumstead is getting very --
MUSSBURGER
I'll be right there. Give him a
magazine.
(to Norville)
... What're you, a mute?

The second PHONE on Mussburger's desk RINGS.

(CONTINUED)
30.

19 CONTINUED: (3) 19
MUSSBURGER
... Yeah, how's the stock doing?
... Bad, huh? Well it's not bad
enough.
(into the first
phone)
... Look, chump, either you find
me a grade A ding-dong or you can
tender your key to the executive
washroom.
(into the second
phone)
And that goes double for you.
(into the first
phone)
Ear-clay?
(into both phones)
Ood-gay!
(slams down both
phones, looks at
Norville)
This better be good. I'm in a bad
mood.

Norville clears his throat.
NORVILLE
Well, sir. I've got something for
you from the mailroom, but first
if I could just take a minute or
so from your very busy time...
He reaches into his mailroom apron and hands a scrap of
paper across the desk to Mussburger, who stares, frozen,
at Norville, making no move to take the paper.
NORVILLE
... to show you a, uh...
Norville, undaunted, holds up the paper since Mussburger
will not take it. Mussburger doesn't even look at it;
his eyes are locked on Norville's. Mussburger smolders.
NORVILLE
... a little something I've been
working on for the last two or
three years...
Mussburger's burning eyes finally shift momentarily to
look at the crudely drawn circle; he looks back incredu-
lously at Norville.

(CONTINUED)
31.

19 CONTINUED: (4) 19
NORVILLE
... You know, for kids! Which is
perfect for Hudsucker -- not that
I claim to be any great genius;
like they say, inspiration is
99 percent perspiration, and in my
case I'd say it's at least twice
that, but I gotta tell ya, Mr.
Mussburger, sir, this sweet baby --
MUSSBURGER
Wait a minute!
Sudden quiet.

With one last click the perpetual motion ball bearings
abruptly stop.
As Mussburger's eyes burn in on him, Norville stands mute
and paralyzed.
His eyes locked on Norville's, Mussburger circles the
desk. He stands toe-to-toe with Norville.

He thrusts his face into Norville's, whose head moves
reflexively back. Mussburger's nose is almost touching
Norville's, his eyes are burning, searching, studying,
evaluating.

Finally he draws his head back.
MUSSBURGER
Hmmm...

With one hand he thrusts his cigar into Norville's gaping
mouth. With his other hand he raises Norville's chin so
that his teech clench it.

MUSSBURGER
Umm-hmm...

He steps back, eyes still on Norville.
He jerks his thumb over his shoulder, indicating his
chair behind the desk.

MUSSBURGER
Siddown.
Norville, his lips puckered around the unaccustomed
ciger, looks bemusedly from the chair to Mussburger.

MUSSBURGER
... Go ahead. Try it on.

(CONTINUED)
32.

19 CONTINUED: (5) 19
Norville obeys, reluctantly, stiffly.

MUSSBURGER
... Put your feet up.
Norville is again reluctant.

MUSSBURGER
... Go ahead.
Norville obeys. Mussburger studies.

MUSSBURGER
Hmmmm... Let's get to know one
another, shall we?

Norville's eyes squint against the cigar smoke wreathing
from between his teeth. Mussburger seems to relax.
MUSSBURGER
... Let's chat!
(beams)
... Man to man!

Norville beams.
MUSSBURGER
... You weren't blessed with
much...
He waves vaguely towards his head and searches for a
euphemism.
MUSSBURGER
... education, were you?
NORVILLE
Well, I'm a college graduate --
MUSSBURGER
All right, but you didn't excel in
your studies...?
NORVILLE
Well, I made the dean's list.

MUSSBURGER
(worried)
Hmmm.

Norville sputters out some more cigar smoke.

(CONTINUED)
33.

19 CONTINUED: (6) 19
NORVILLE
At the Muncie College of Business
Administration.
MUSSBURGER
(relieved)
Sure, sure. And did your classmates
there call you 'jerk' or...
(searches again)
...'schmoe'?

Norville shakes his head.
MUSSBURGER
... 'Shnook'? 'Dope'?
'Dipstick'? 'Lamebrain'?

NORVILLE
No, sir.
MUSSBURGER
Not even behind your back?
NORVILLE
Sir! They voted me most likely to
succeed!
MUSSBURGER
(curtly)
You're fired.
NORVILLE
But, sir! --

MUSSBURGER
Get your feet off that desk.

As he struggles to comply:
NORVILLE
But --

MUSSBURGER
Get out of my sight.

Norville, squinting against the cigar smoke, pulls the
cigar out of his mouth as he doubles forward, feet still
up, groping for a place to set down the cigar. He sets
it blindly on a loose stack of papers.

MUSSBURGER
My God! The Bumstead contracts!!
(CONTINUED)
34.

19 CONTINUED: (7) 19
NORVILLE
Oh my God, sir!

The top page radiates a circle of incipient flame from
the cigar's live end.

MUSSBURGER
You nitwit! I worked for three
years on this deal!
NORVILLE
Oh my God, sir!
Norville runs across the office to a large water cooler.

MUSSBURGER
I'll take care of it. Just get out!
Mussburger plucks the cigar off the contract and tosses
it into a wastebasket. He pats the fingertips of one
hand against his tongue and then efficiently pats out
the crinkling orange circle on the top sheet of the
contract.

At the other end of the office, Norville is wrapping his
arms around the glass water tank, which he pulls off its
base. He runs back across the vast expanse of office
toward the desk, hugging the water tank whose WATER
GLOOB-GLOOBS out its open bottom and splashes down onto
his pumping knees.
As he reaches the desk, the near-empty tank is now light
enough for him to hoist with one arm, which he does, and
cups his other hand under it to catch its last glub
of water. He tosses the TANK to the floor where --
CRASH -- it SHATTERS, and stands looking about for a
place to dump his handful of water.

MUSSBURGER
Why you nitwit. You almost
destroyed the most sensitive
deal of my career!
NORVILLE
Oh my God, sir!

He is reacting to the wastebasket on his side of the
desk, which Mussburger cannot see.
It is sprouting flame, at which Norville ineffectually
flecks his remaining drops of water.

MUSSBURGER
Now out of here! Out!

(CONTINUED)
35.

19 CONTINUED: (8) 19
Norville is already running to the window, which he runs
both palms over, desperately seeking a way to open it.

MUSSBURGER
Not that way! Through the door!

NORVILLE
But, sir!
The windows do not open. Norville furiously stomps on
the flames in the wastebasket and -- his foot sticks.
Further stomping only makes the flaming wastebasket
roar up and down with his foot.
MUSSBURGER
Right away, buster! Out of my office!

Norville has dropped to the floor, trying to wrench
the flaming wastebasket off his leg.
MUSSBURGER
Up on your feet! We don't crawl at
Hudsucker Industries!

NORVILLE
Sir, my leg is on fire!
Norville finally succeeds in getting the flaming waste-
basket off his foot. Now the problem is what to do with
it.
MUSSBURGER
Get out of this office, you
dithering nincompoop!
Norville picks up the flaming trash receptacle.

NORVILLE
Oh my God, sir!
He winds up and throws it through the closed window.
The GLASS SHATTERS and the flaming basket plummets to
oblivion.
With the picture window broken a FEROCIOUS DRAFT ROARS
through the penthouse office.

CLOSE SHOT - BUMSTEAD CONTRACTS

On the desk. The pages are sucked away by the draft.

MUSSBURGER
My God! The Bumstead contracts!

(CONTINUED)
36.

19 CONTINUED: (9) 19
NORVILLE
Oh my God, sir!

Mussburger lunges for the contracts as they are sucked
out the window.

He runs, jumps onto the sill, grabs -- his fist
clenches around one wafting page -- he is about to fall --
MUSSBURGER
Eeeeeeaaaahhhhh!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In Mussburger's opulent office, Norville presents a crude drawing. Mussburger mocks Norville's intellect, leading to his dismissal. Norville's clumsiness ignites the Bumstead contracts. Amidst his attempts to extinguish the fire, he accidentally sends the contracts out the window by throwing a wastebasket. Mussburger leaps out the window to retrieve them.
Strengths
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Fast-paced dialogue
  • Comedic elements
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of over-the-top comedy may border on unrealistic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly entertaining, with a good balance of humor and tension, showcasing the absurdity of the situation and the characters' reactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a bumbling employee causing chaos in a high-powered corporate office is executed well, creating a unique and engaging scenario.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the introduction of Norville to Mussburger, leading to a series of escalating events that drive the scene forward.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of corporate culture and the protagonist's comedic misadventures. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and fresh, adding a unique twist to familiar workplace scenarios.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Norville and Mussburger are well-developed and their contrasting personalities create dynamic and humorous interactions.

Character Changes: 5

While there is some development in Norville's character as he navigates the chaotic situation, the changes are not profound.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to impress his boss with his invention and prove his worth in the company. This reflects his desire for recognition, validation, and success in a competitive environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver a message from the mailroom to his boss and potentially pitch his invention. This goal reflects the immediate task at hand and the challenges he faces in a high-pressure environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a high level of conflict between Norville and Mussburger, driven by their opposing goals and personalities.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the boss constantly challenging the protagonist and creating obstacles for him to overcome. The audience is left unsure of how the protagonist will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of corporate power and reputation are evident in the scene, as Norville's actions have serious consequences for the company.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key characters, establishing conflicts, and setting the tone for future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters. The audience is kept on their toes as the situation escalates in unexpected ways.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between ambition and authenticity. The boss values ambition and results, while the protagonist values creativity and innovation. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs about success and recognition.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including amusement, tension, and frustration, but the focus is more on humor than deep emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty and fast-paced, adding to the comedic tone of the scene and revealing the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, comedic dialogue, and unpredictable twists. The audience is drawn into the chaos of the office environment and the protagonist's misadventures.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and dynamic, with quick dialogue exchanges and physical comedy. The rhythm of the scene adds to its comedic effect and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows standard screenplay conventions. The dialogue and action descriptions are well-organized and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a comedic workplace setting, with escalating chaos and physical comedy. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene is visually descriptive and sets the tone effectively with the dark and suspenseful atmosphere.
  • The dialogue between Norville and Mussburger is engaging and reveals the power dynamic between them.
  • The physical comedy elements, such as Norville accidentally setting fire to the contracts and trying to put out the fire, add humor to the scene.
  • The escalating chaos and tension in the scene create a sense of urgency and conflict.
  • The scene effectively conveys Mussburger's frustration and Norville's bumbling nature.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to make it more impactful and concise.
  • Explore ways to further develop Norville's character beyond just being a bumbling fool, perhaps by adding depth or complexity to his motivations.
  • Ensure that the physical comedy elements enhance the story and character development rather than just serving as slapstick humor.
  • Consider adding more subtext or layers to the interaction between Norville and Mussburger to deepen the conflict and tension.
  • Think about how the scene contributes to the overall story arc and character development, and make sure it serves a purpose beyond just showcasing chaos and comedy.



Scene 3 -  The Idea Man
20 INT. EXECUTIVE WAITING ROOM 20

BUMSTEAD, a short, fat, heavily perspiring executive, is
screaming at an O.S. secretary. He holds a pot of coffee
in one hand and a copy of Boy's Life in the other.
BUMSTEAD
No magazine. No coffee.
Mussburger! I wanna see
Mussburger! Or did he jump out
a window too?!
In the window behind him we see loose sheets of paper
fluttering down.
CUT TO:


21 NORVILLE 21
Desperately hanging onto Mussburger by his legs.

NORVILLE
Don't worry, Mr. Mussburger! I
gotcha. I gotcha by your pants!

Mussburger's screaming abruptly stops.

CLOSEUP - MUSSBURGER'S HORROR-STRICKEN FACE

REMEMBERING (the SCREEN GOES WATERY):

22 MUSSBURGER 22

is in a basement tailor shop. LUIGI, an old Italian
tailor, is just running his tape up Mussburger's inseam.
(CONTINUED)
37.

22 CONTINUED: 22
LUIGI
Meester Moosaburger, I give-a you
pants a nice-a dooble stitch.
Make 'em strong, and they look-a
real sharp.

MUSSBURGER
(barking)
No! Single stitch is fine.
LUIGI
(begging)
But please-a, Meester Moosaburger,
the dooble stitch she last-a
forever --

MUSSBURGER
Why on earth would I need a double
stitch? To pad your bill? Single
stitch is fine!
CUT BACK TO:


21 CLOSEUP OF PANICKED MUSSBURGER 21
MUSSBURGER
Damn!

We hear a LOUD TEARING sound O.S. Mussburger drops a few
inches.
QUICK WIPE TO:


23 LUIGI AT HIS SEWING MACHINE 23

LUIGI
(musing to himself)
What the heck. Meester Moosaburger
such a nice-a guy, I give him
dooble steech-a anyway. Assa
some-a strong-a steech-a, you bet!

21 BACK TO MUSSBURGER'S PANTS 21

The tearing fabric abruptly catches and stops; the rest
of the pants hold intact.


MUSSBURGER
sighs with relief.

(CONTINUED)
38.

21 CONTINUED: 21
He looks up.


NORVILLE
Norville's arms are wrapped around Mussburger's ankles;
the heels of Mussburger's shoes are digging into his
face.

MUSSBURGER

Looking. Thinking.

NORVILLE

Struggling to hold on.

MUSSBURGER
Calm. Contemplating.

MUSSBURGER
Hmmm...
He absently removes a cigar from his breast pocket and
sticks it in his mouth. He holds his lighter under the
cigar, not noticing that the flame is pointing the wrong
way.
He looks at Norville.


24 NORVILLE 24

His face drawn with effort, still struggling to hang on.
A PULL BACK FROM the EXTREME CLOSE SHOT REVEALS, however,
that Norville's arms are now wrapped around -- emptiness.
Mussburger's legs are gone.

Norville throws his head back and laughs, it seems,
insanely -- but CONTINUED PULL BACK REVEALS that Norville
is merely pantomiming the adventure for the benefit of
the board members, including Mussburger. They stand
around Mussburger's office, laughing gaily. All safe
now, no harm done. This inaugurates:

LAUGHING MONTAGE

Montage silent but for MUSIC.
(CONTINUED)
39.

24 CONTINUED: 24
A) Norville is entertaining the board with his depiction
of the near-disaster. Mussburger is slapping him
merrily on the back.
B) CLOSE SHOT - BOARD MEMBER

Laughing.

C) Another board member. Laughing.
D) Mussburger. Laughing.

E) Norville laughing.
F) FREEZE FRAME ON Norville's laughing face.


25 ANGLE 25
PULL BACK to reveal that the frozen picture is the news-
paper photo on the front page of the Manhattan Argus.
Its headline reads: UNTRIED YOUTH TO HELM HUDSUCKER.
The subhead reads: Stockholders Wary. The sub-subhead
reads: Meteoric Rise From Mailroom.
The article is under the byline of Amy Archer.
CONTINUED PULL BACK REVEALS that we are looking at
the newspaper OVER someone's SHOULDER. The person
swivels around and away -- his face now TO us, we see
that it is Norville looking at the newspaper. He throws
his head back and laughs merrily.
As he laughs -- thwock -- a steaming towel is thrown
onto his face and he continues to swivel. CONTINUED
PULL BACK REVEALS that he is in a barber chair.

His head drops back and OUT OF FRAME as the swiveling
chair is cranked down, but immediately -- still
spinning --

-- his head reappears as the chair is cranked up again.
Still laughing, Norville is now freshly shaven and has
a slicked-back haircut, heavy with pomade.

FREEZE ON Norville's laughing face.

26 ANGLE 26

PULL BACK to reveal it is another front page photo next
to the headline: Hud Board To Street: GIVE MAN FROM
MUNCIE A CHANCE. Subhead: Has Fresh Ideas.
(CONTINUED)
40.

26 CONTINUED: 26
CONTINUED PULL BACK REVEALS that the paper is lying on a
chair. Norville's mailroom apron is tossed onto the
chair to cover it.
PAN TO where the apron was tossed from. Norville stands
on a tailor's stage, laughing, as the tailor, also
laughing, takes his measurements. Norville in shirt-
sleeves, boxer shorts, hose stockings and garters.
The tailor rises, laughing merrily, throwing up his arms
and spreading them wide with hands stretching the
measuring tape.
Norville laughs merrily and also throws his arms up wide.


27 BOARD MEMBER 27
laughs merrily, his arms thrown wide, tickertape
stretching between his hands. He joyously tosses away
the tickertape.


28 FLOOR
where the tickertape lands on a pile of previously
discharged tape.
PAN UP to reveal that the tickertape continues to burp
its disastrous tale of good news for the board.
PAN UP FURTHER to reveal that the machine is in
Mussburger's office. At the far end of the room, behind
his desk, Mussburger laughs as he looks at a newspaper.
TRACK IN TOWARDS him.
On his desk the perpetual ballbearings swing; outside his
window the sweep second hand of the Hudsucker clock
rumbles by, sweeping a shadow across the floor. Evil
prevails.

As Mussburger opens the newspaper, the CONTINUED TRACK IN
shows its front page headline: HUD STOCK DIPS. Subhead:
Just Good Is He?

TRACK IN ON the front page photo: Norville laughing,
his chin propped in his hand.

29 PHOTOGRAPH 29

COMES TO LIFE and Norville unfreezes, laughing.
We are now TRACKING BACK FROM him. He sits behind a
huge oak desk, newly coiffed and tailored.
(CONTINUED)
41.

29 CONTINUED: 29
The brass plaque on the desk confirms that he is in the
OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT.

TRACK BACK CONTINUES THROUGH the large elegant office,
leaving Norville looking quite small IN LONG SHOT.
His LAUGHTER ECHOES in the bright bare office.

Norville's laughter is just winding down, leaving him
exhausted, as if he has been laughing nonstop for
several days. He finally sighs and wipes a tear from
his eye.

FADE OUT.
FADE IN:

30 NEW YORK SKYLINE - DAY 30

In the skyline we can see the Hudsucker building topped
by the Hudsucker clock.
A cigar ENTERS FRAME in the f.g., then the face of the
man smoking it. Staring contemplatively at the Hudsucker
building, he takes a puff from the cigar and then plucks
it from his mouth and waves it, as if painting a headline.
EDITOR
'The Einstein of Enterprise.'
'The Edison of Industry.'
'The Billion-Dollar Cranium'...
'Idea Man'!
(exploding)
And not one of you mugs has given
me a story on him!!


REVERSE

shows the Editors glassed-in office filled with REPORTERS
for the staff meeting. Although they listen quietly,
they are more bored than attentive.

THROUGH the glass walls we can see the furious activity
of an army of reporters, editors, and copy boys waging the
never-ending battle to put out a quality daily newspaper.

The Editor slams a newspaper down onto his desk in
disgust.
EDITOR
Facts, figures, charts! They never
sold a newspaper! I read this
morning's edition of the Argus and
let me tell you something: I'd wrap
a fish in it!
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
42.

30 CONTINUED: 30
EDITOR (CONT'D)
I'd use it as kindling! Hell,
I'd even train my poodle with it
if he wasn't a French poodle and
more partial to the pages of
Paree Soir! But I sure wouldn't
shell out a hard-earned nickel to
read the dadblamed thing!
REPORTER
Come on, chief, give us a break.

EDITOR
Suuuure, Tibbs, take a break! Go
to Florida! Lie in the sun! Wait
for a coconut to drop, file a
story on it -- it'll be more
of a grabber than your piece on
the commie grain surplus! The
human angle! That's what sells
papers! We need a front page
with heart and the whole idea of
the 'Idea Man' idea can put it
there!
REPORTER #2
Chief, if we had more access --
EDITOR
Yeah, and if a frog had wings he
wouldn't bump his ass a-hoppin'!
I don't want excuses, I want
results!

Whack! --
Without even looking in its direction, the Editor has
slammed down the lid of the cigar box on his desk, towards
which one Reporter's hand had been idly reaching.
The Reporter jerks his fingers away as the Editor spares
the briefest moment to glare at him.
EDITOR
I wanna know what makes the Idea
Man tick! Where is he from?
Where is he going? I wanna know
everything about this guy! Has he
got a girl? Has he got parents?

REPORTER #3
Everybody has parents.
(CONTINUED)
43.

30 CONTINUED: (2) 30
EDITOR
All right, how many? How 'bout
it, Parkinson, you've been awful
quiet over there.
PARKINSON
Uhhh...

REPORTER NEXT TO HIM
Still waters run deep, chief.

EDITOR
The only thing that runs deep with
Parkinson is the holes in his ears.
Yes, the Idea Man! What're his
hopes and dreams, his desires and
aspirations? Does he think all
the time or does he set aside a
certain portion of the day? How
tall is he and what's his shoe
size? Where does he sleep and
what does he eat for breakfast?
Does he put jam on his toast or
doesn't he put jam on his toast,
and if not why not and since when?
He thrust his face into that of the Reporter.
EDITOR
... Well?!!
No answer.
EDITOR
... Ahh, you're useless. Yes,
Idea Man! Creator! Innovator!
Cerebrator! Tycoon! --

WOMAN (O.S.)
Fake.

EDITOR
Huhh!!

WOMAN

Star reporter AMY ARCHER -- attractive, smartly-dressed.
AMY
I tell ya the guy's a phony.

(CONTINUED)
44.

30 CONTINUED: (3) 30
EDITOR
Phony, huh?

AMY
As a three-dollar bill.

EDITOR
Sez who?
AMY
Sez me! Amy Archer. Why is he
an Idea Man -- because Hudsucker
says he is? What're his ideas?
Why won't they let anyone
interview him?...

One Reporter is leaning into another to keep his voice
low:
REPORTER
Five bucks says she mentions her
Pulitzer.
OTHER REPORTER
Again? You're on.
AMY
(as she picks up the
morning paper)
... And just take a look at the
mug on this guy -- the jutting
eyebrows, the simian forehead, the
idiotic grin. Why he has a face
only a mother could love --
Whack! The Editor has slammed down the cigar box lid
again but:

Amy, smiling, raises a cigar INTO FRAME having beaten him.
She tosses it to the Reporter who failed to get one.

AMY
... On payday! The only story
here is how this guy made a monkey
out of you, Al.

EDITOR
Yeah, well, monkey or not I'm
still editor of this rag. Amy, I
thought you were doing that piece
on the F.B.I. -- J. Edgar Hoover:
When Will He Marry?
AMY
I filed it yesterday.
(CONTINUED)
45.

30 CONTINUED: (4) 30
EDITOR
Well, do a follow-up: Hoover:
Hero or Mama's Boy? The rest of
you bums get up off your brains
and get me that Idea Man story!

REPORTERS
All right, chief... We'll do our
best, chief... I'll give it a
shot, chief...

AMY
(at the door)
Al, he's the bunk.

Slam!

One of the wagering Reporters grins at the other, who is
taking out a five dollar bill.
The door bursts open and Amy sticks her head in.
AMY
I'll stake my Pulitzer on it!
CUT TO:


31 ELEVATOR DOORS 31
Sweeping open to reveal the learing face of Buzz, the
elevator gnat.
BUZZ
Say, buddy! Where'd ya get the
new duds?

Norville is entering the elevator in his new executive
outfit.
BUZZ
... and say, buddy! How'd old
bucketbutt like his blue letter?
Na-ha-ha-ha-ha! Did he bust a
gut? Did he die? Did he -- Well,
hello, Mr. Mussburger, sir...

Buzz is instant decorum as Mussburger enters the
elevator.

BUZZ
... How're you this fine morning,
sir?
(CONTINUED)
46.

31 CONTINUED: 31
Norville has been worriedly patting at his pockets since
the mention of the blue letter.

NORVILLE
That reminds me, Mr. Mu... uh,
Sid. I never did give you that --

MUSSBURGER
(to Buzz)
Lobby. We haven't got all day.

BUZZ
Right away, Mr. Mussburger sir.
As he talks, Mussburger pats at his suit pocket, takes
out a cigar, inspects it.

MUSSBURGER
Well I'm starved. I understand
it'll be quite an affair this
afternoon, and the executive roast
tom turkey at the Bohemian Grove
redefines the word superb.

He puts the cigar in his mouth and Buzz's hand is right
there with a lighter.
BUZZ
My pleasure, sir.
NORVILLE
Roast tom turkey. Gee, I'm hungry
too --

MUSSBURGER
Sure, sure...

The elevator doors open.
BUZZ
It's been a pleasure serving you,
Mr. Mussburger.
Buzz turns to Norville. He is puzzled but trying to hide
it:

BUZZ
... and it's been a pleasure
serving you too, uh... buddy.


32 MR. MUSSBURGER 32
is already striding through the lobby; Norville has to
lope to catch up.
(CONTINUED)
47.

32 CONTINUED: 32
NORVILLE
Say, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid! Shouldn't
we be a little bit concerned with
the downward spiral of our stock
these last few days? I mean, you're
the expert, but at the Muncie
College of Business Administration
they told us --
Mussburger gives an artificially hearty laugh and claps
Norville on the shoulder.

MUSSBURGER
Relax, Norville. It's only
natural in a period of transition
for the more nervous element to
run for cover.
NORVILLE
Okay, Sid. Like I said, you're
the expert, but --
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In a chaotic waiting room, an overweight executive rants while a young man named Norville rescues a frantic colleague dangling from a window. Despite the dangerous situation, Norville remains composed and his laughter spreads throughout the room, leading to a viral sensation. Norville embraces his newfound role as "The Idea Man," enjoying the attention and embracing the absurdity of the situation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Humorous tone
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor with a critical look at corporate culture, providing entertaining dialogue and character interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of the 'Idea Man' and the power struggles within the company are well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses with the introduction of the 'Idea Man' and sets up potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and original situations within the corporate setting, blending humor with social commentary. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions drive the scene forward with humor and tension.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle shifts in character dynamics, but no major transformations in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Norville's internal goal is to impress and navigate the corporate world, as seen in his interactions with Mussburger and his concern about the stock's downward spiral.

External Goal: 7

Norville's external goal is to address the stock's downward spiral and understand the dynamics of the corporate world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict, mostly in the power struggle between characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters challenging each other's beliefs and goals. Amy Archer's skepticism and Norville's concerns create conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, revolving around the future of the company and the power struggle among executives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters and setting up potential conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected character actions and comedic twists. The philosophical conflict adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around authenticity and success in the corporate world. Amy Archer challenges the authenticity of the 'Idea Man' and questions the values of success and innovation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene focuses more on humor and satire than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and reveals the dynamics between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and comedic elements. The shifting locations and conflicts keep the audience invested in the narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, humor, and character dynamics. The transitions between locations and characters maintain a lively and engaging rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and contributes to the pacing of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and characters. It effectively sets up the comedic and philosophical elements of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a chaotic and comedic tone, but it transitions into a more serious and suspenseful moment with Mussburger dangling out of the window. This shift in tone may be a bit jarring for the audience.
  • The flashback to Mussburger arguing with the tailor feels out of place and disrupts the flow of the scene. It doesn't add much to the overall story and could be removed to streamline the narrative.
  • The visual of Norville holding onto Mussburger's legs while he dangles out of the window is a bit unrealistic and may take the audience out of the story. It's important to maintain a sense of believability in the actions of the characters.
  • The laughing montage at the end of the scene feels forced and unnecessary. It doesn't add much to the story or character development and could be replaced with a more meaningful interaction.
  • The introduction of Amy Archer and the newspaper office subplot feels disconnected from the main storyline of Norville and Mussburger. It may be beneficial to integrate Amy's character more seamlessly into the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the tone of the scene to ensure a consistent and engaging experience for the audience.
  • Remove the flashback to Mussburger arguing with the tailor to maintain a smoother narrative flow.
  • Reconsider the visual of Norville holding onto Mussburger's legs to ensure it aligns with the overall tone and believability of the scene.
  • Replace the laughing montage with a more meaningful interaction that contributes to character development or plot progression.
  • Integrate Amy Archer's storyline more effectively into the main narrative to create a more cohesive and engaging story.



Scene 4 -  Norville's Frustrated Pitch
33 EXT. SIDEWALK 33
Norville is still loping behind Mussburger, trying to
keep up with his long strides.
NORVILLE
... You don't happen to remember
the plan I outlined to you the day
I set fire to your off -- uh, the
day I was promoted?

MUSSBURGER
I do remember and I was impressed.
Anyway, that's all forgotten now.
Driver!
NORVILLE
Thank you, Sid, but the reason I
mention it is, it would require
such a small capital investment --
again, you're the expert here --

MUSSBURGER
Damnit, where's my car!
NORVILLE
-- But there's such an enormous
potential profit-wise given the
demographics -- baby boom --
discretionary income in the
burgeoning middle class --

(CONTINUED)
48.

33 CONTINUED: 33
A black limousine pulls up to the curb.

MUSSBURGER
Finally.
NORVILLE
-- So if you think it's appropriate,
I'd like to bounce the idea off a
few people at lunch --
Mussburger is getting into the back seat --

MUSSBURGER
Sure, sure, tell whoever you
want...

And, to Norville's surprise, slamming the door shut
behind him.
MUSSBURGER
... And I'd like to hear more
about it at some point, too.
SCREEEECH -- the CAR pulls away. Norville is left talking
to himself on the empty sidewalk.
NORVILLE
But, Sid, I thought you and I
were...
DOORMAN
Say, bud, could you keep the
sidewalk clear here?

NORVILLE
But I'm the president of this --
aww, forget it.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Desperately seeking investment, Norville eagerly presents his business plan to Mussburger. However, Mussburger abruptly dismisses him and leaves in his limousine, leaving Norville alone and dispirited on the sidewalk.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective blend of humor and drama
  • Engaging character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of deeper emotional impact
  • Minor character development for Norville

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor and drama, keeping the audience engaged with the unexpected turn of events. The dialogue is witty and the physical comedy adds an entertaining element.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Norville trying to pitch his idea to Mussburger, only to face rejection and be left alone, is well-executed. The comedic struggle between the characters adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Norville's attempt to pitch his idea and the subsequent rejection by Mussburger. The physical comedy and unexpected ending enhance the plot.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the classic business pitch scenario, with unique character dynamics and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Norville and Mussburger are well-developed, with Norville's persistence and innocence contrasting with Mussburger's arrogance and dismissiveness. The interaction between them drives the scene.

Character Changes: 5

Norville's character undergoes a minor change as he transitions from hopeful and persistent to disappointed and left talking to himself. Mussburger remains consistent in his arrogance and dismissiveness.

Internal Goal: 8

Norville's internal goal is to impress Mussburger with his business idea and gain his approval. This reflects Norville's desire for validation and recognition of his intelligence and capabilities.

External Goal: 7

Norville's external goal is to pitch his business idea to Mussburger and get his support. This reflects the immediate challenge of convincing a powerful figure to invest in his idea.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict between Norville and Mussburger, as Norville tries to convince Mussburger of his idea but faces rejection and dismissal.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Norville facing challenges in convincing Mussburger to invest in his idea.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, as Norville's idea could potentially impact his future at the company, but the scene focuses more on the comedic interaction between the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Norville's attempt to pitch his idea and the subsequent rejection, setting up potential conflicts and developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected outcome of Norville's pitch to Mussburger.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Norville's idealistic belief in the potential of his business idea and Mussburger's pragmatic approach to business. This challenges Norville's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of negative and amused emotions from the audience, as they witness Norville's struggle and eventual rejection by Mussburger.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and confrontational, reflecting the personalities of Norville and Mussburger. It adds depth to their characters and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic interactions between the characters and the high stakes of the business pitch.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and contributes to the tension and urgency of the business pitch.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, leaving the audience hanging with Norville talking to himself on the empty sidewalk. This can be unsatisfying for viewers who are expecting a more conclusive or impactful ending to the scene.
  • The dialogue between Norville and Mussburger feels disjointed and lacks a natural flow. It jumps from topic to topic without a clear progression or development of their interaction, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the conversation.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions to enhance the storytelling. As it stands, the majority of the scene is focused on dialogue, which can make it feel static and less dynamic for the audience.
  • The character motivations and emotions in the scene are not clearly defined or explored. Norville's eagerness to discuss his business plan and Mussburger's abrupt dismissal could be further developed to create a more compelling and emotionally resonant interaction between the two characters.
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency or tension, which could be introduced through the pacing of the dialogue, the characters' body language, or the overall atmosphere of the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a clear resolution or climax to the scene to provide a more satisfying conclusion for the audience.
  • Work on refining the dialogue between Norville and Mussburger to create a more natural and engaging conversation that flows smoothly and develops their characters.
  • Introduce more visual elements or actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more dynamic and visually engaging scene.
  • Further explore the character motivations and emotions to add depth and complexity to the interaction between Norville and Mussburger.
  • Enhance the sense of urgency or tension in the scene through pacing, body language, and setting to keep the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.



Scene 5 -  Fainted Actress
34 INT. COFFEE SHOP 34
A cheap coffee shop a half-flight down from the street.
We are LOOKING ACROSS an elbow of the coffee shop
counter. In the middle b.g., Norville sits dejectedly
stirring a cup of coffee.
Behind him, THROUGH the window wells, we see the back and
forth feet of pedestrians bustling by on the sidewalk.

In the extreme f.g. sit two steaming mugs of coffee.
They belong to two VETERANS of the coffee shop, who, from
O.S., narrate the scene.

(CONTINUED)
49.

34 CONTINUED: 34
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
I got gas, Bennie.

VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
Yeah, tell me about it.

VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
No kiddin', Bennie. I got gas.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
Ya get the special?

VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
Fah from it...

He gives a low whistle under his breath as a woman enters
from the street and hesitates by the door, looking
around. Still attractive but looking somewhat down-at-
the-heels, it is Amy Archer.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
... Enter the dame.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
There's one in every story.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
Ten bucks says she's looking for a
handout.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
Twenty bucks says not here she
don't find one.

VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
She's looking for her mark.

The woman's eyes settle on Norville, and she heads for
the empty stool next to his.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
She finds him.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
She sits down.

The woman says something to the counter waitress, who
exits.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
... and awduhs a light lunch.

VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
She looks in her purse...

(CONTINUED)
50.

34 CONTINUED: (2) 34
She is holding her wallet upside down.

VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
... No money.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
The mark notices.

Beat. Norville, however, is not noticing: He is staring
intently at his coffee spoon, his hat pushed back on his
head, his other hand propping up a cheekbone; the woman's
presence does not seem to have registered yet.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
... He's not noticing, Benny.

VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
Maybe he's wise.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
He don't look wise.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
Plan two: Here come the
waterworks.
The woman starts crying.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
Yellowstone.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
Old Faithful.

VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
Hello, Niagara.

VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
He notices.
As the woman cries, she accidentally-on-purpose jostles
Norville and he finally does indeed notice.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
He's concerned.

The woman mouths words at Norville who reacts sympatheti-
cally and waves his hands at the waitress.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
She explains her perdicament, and...

(CONTINUED)
51.

34 CONTINUED: (3) 34
VETERAN #1 & #2 (O.S.)
(in unison)
... entuh the light lunch.
The waitress is entering to set a plate in front of the
woman.

The woman contines to talk to Norville, smiling wanly
at him.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
She's got other problems, of
course...
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
... Her mother needs an
operation...
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
... adenoids.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
No, Bennie: Lumbago.

Veteran #1's enunciation of "lumbago" falls into perfect
sync with the woman's moving lips.
Norville is listening sympathetically, but he suddenly
notices his watch.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
(alarmed)
She's losing him, Bennie.

Norville is rising to his feet.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
Maybe he's wise.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
He don't look wise.

As Norville turns to leave:
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
How does she pull this out?

She puts the back of her hand dramatically to her
forehead.

VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
(disbelieving)
She isn't!
(CONTINUED)
52.

34 CONTINUED: (4) 34
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
(thrilled)
She is!
And indeed she does: Faint dead away, falling backwards
on the stool, so that Norville has no choice but to
catch her.

Norville holds her awkwardly, looking around for help.
VETERAN #1 (O.S.)
She's good, Bennie.
VETERAN #2 (O.S.)
She's damn good, Lou.

A WAITRESS enters extreme f.g. to BLOCK OUR VIEW of the
swooned woman and the embarrassed Norville. The Waitress
is FACING the CAMERA and the two O.S. Veterans; the
CROPPING gives us only her torso and the steaming pot
of coffee she holds.
WAITRESS
(bored, nasal voice)
Can I get you boys anything else?

REVERSE ANGLE

Back of the Waitress's torso in f.g.; on either side
beyond her, the two Veterans are looking up at her O.S.
face. They sport extremely bored expressions, topped by
"cabbie" caps.

VETERAN #1
Bromo.

Beat.
VETERAN #2
... Bromo.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Norville is approached by a woman who asks for money and faints. The veterans narrate the scene and provide commentary on the woman's actions.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Low stakes
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor and drama, creating a memorable and engaging interaction between the characters. The dialogue is witty and the pacing keeps the audience interested.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a chance encounter between two contrasting characters in a coffee shop is well-executed, providing insight into their personalities and motivations.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the unexpected meeting between Norville and Amy, adding depth to their characters and setting up potential conflicts in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on a common setting by introducing quirky characters and unexpected twists in the interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Norville and Amy are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions drive the scene forward and reveal more about their individual traits.

Character Changes: 6

Norville experiences a small shift in awareness as he interacts with Amy, showing a glimpse of growth in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and not get involved in the woman's situation. This reflects his desire to avoid conflict or emotional entanglements.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to have a quiet cup of coffee and be left alone. This reflects his immediate circumstances of wanting peace and solitude.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict between Norville's naivety and Amy's manipulative behavior, adding tension to their interaction.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, as the protagonist is faced with a moral dilemma. The audience is left wondering how he will respond.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and interaction rather than major plot points.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics between characters and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the twist in the woman's behavior. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between compassion and self-preservation. The protagonist must decide whether to help the woman in need or protect his own emotional boundaries.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from amusement at the comedic elements to sympathy for Norville and intrigue about Amy's intentions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the contrasting personalities of Norville and Amy. It adds humor and depth to the scene, keeping the audience engaged.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, unexpected turns of events, and the dynamic between the characters. The unfolding drama keeps the audience interested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action. It builds tension effectively and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene descriptions and character cues. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression of events, with well-defined character interactions and dialogue. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene in the coffee shop lacks a clear direction and purpose. It seems to meander without a strong narrative or character development.
  • The dialogue between the two veterans narrating the scene feels disconnected and doesn't add much value to the story.
  • The introduction of Amy Archer as a woman in distress seeking a handout is a tired and cliched trope that doesn't add depth to the character or the scene.
  • Norville's reaction to Amy's distress feels forced and lacks authenticity. His sudden concern and actions seem out of character and not well motivated.
  • The fainting scene with Amy comes across as contrived and melodramatic, adding to the overall lack of authenticity in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider reworking the scene to have a clearer purpose and direction. Define the character motivations and conflicts more clearly.
  • Revise the dialogue between the veterans to make it more engaging and relevant to the story.
  • Avoid cliched character introductions and focus on developing Amy Archer as a more nuanced and authentic character.
  • Ensure that Norville's reactions and actions are consistent with his character traits and motivations.
  • Reconsider the fainting scene with Amy and explore more authentic ways to create tension and interaction between the characters.



Scene 6 -  An Unexpected Visitor
35 INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE 35

Looking at its frosted-glass door; the sign painter is
just finishing lettering in: NORVILLE BARNES, President.
The sign painter makes way as we see Norville's shadow
approaching; even from inside the room we can hear that
he is WHEEZING HEAVILY. He is apparently carrying the
girl, cradled in his arms. He tries to reach down to get
the doorknob; can't manage it; turns to press his back
against the door and get the knob with his other hand.

(CONTINUED)
53.

35 CONTINUED: 35
The door opens as Norville swings around to enter. He
is wheezing like a gas pipe about to explode.

He swings around to kick the door shut. We see that the
lettering on the door is now terribly smudged; we also
see, in wet ink, on the seat of Norville's pants: senraB
ellivroN tnediserP.

Weakly, still cradled in Norville's arms:
AMY
I'm sorry we had to take the
stairs. It was just that horrible
little elevator boy...

NORVILLE
Not at all. You're light as a
feather.
AMY
(pointing languorously)
The couch, please.
Still wheezing horribly, Norville staggers over to the
couch and deposits her gently on it. He straightens up
and looks at her.


NORVILLE'S POV
She is smiling wanly AT the CAMERA. The entire IMAGE
PULSATES as the blood pounds behind Norville's eyeballs.
We hear the LOUD, RASPING of his BREATH, resonating
inside his head. Amy is talking but her voice is barely
audible, as if coming from a long way away.


BACK TO SCENE
NORVILLE
Just a minute.

He perches drunkenly on the edge of the couch and puts
his head between his knees, still fighting for breath.

AMY
I don't know what came over me. I
suppose it was the shock of eating
after so long without; the enzymes
kicking in after so long, or
whatever. But then you couldn't
possibly know what it is to be
tired and hungry...
Speaking into his knees as he wheezes:
(CONTINUED)
54.

35 CONTINUED: (2) 35
NORVILLE
Hungry, anyway.

AMY
I don't want to bore you with
all the sordid details of my
life; it's not a happy story...

Norville rises and starts putting throw pillows behind
her head.

AMY
... Suffice it to say that I'm
jobless -- though not for want of
trying, that I'm friendless, with
no one to -- thank you -- take
care of me; and that had you not
come along at just exactly the
moment that you did --
She screams, staring down at the couch.
Norville jumps, startled, then looks where she is looking.

On the white sofa cushion where he had been sitting is
printed, in wet ink, right side around: NORVILLE BARNES,
President.
AMY
Norville, I didn't know you were
president here!
Norville stares dumbfounded at the sofa cushion. When
the nickel finally drops, he spins around to try to look
at the seat of his pants.
Distracted but still modest:

NORVILLE
Oh, it's nothing really. Just
determination and hard work...

He unbuckles his trousers.
NORVILLE
... Of course, when I started in
the mailroom last Tuesday I
thought it might take more time --
Buzz enters holding a brown paper bag.

BUZZ
Say, buddy, here's the whiskey
you asked f --
(CONTINUED)
55.

35 CONTINUED: (3) 35
He freezes, taking in the scene: Amy reclining on the
couch; Norville standing in front of her with his pants
around his ankles, still breathing heavily; the bottle of
whiskey in his own hand.
NORVILLE
(flustered)
Thank you, Buzz, just leave it on
the desk.
Leering:

BUZZ
Happy days, buddy...

As he turns to leave:

BUZZ
... and I'll tell your secretary
you're not to be disturbed.
Yowzuh!!
He snaps the elastic strap under his chin.

After the doors shut behind Buzz:
AMY
(shuddering)
What a horrible little person.
NORVILLE
Oh, Buzz is pretty harmless,
really --

AMY
At any rate I arrived in town not
ten days ago, full of dreams and
aspirations, anxious to make my
way in the world --
Norville pours a glass of whiskey and brings it over to
her.
AMY
A little naive perhaps but -- thank
you -- armed with determination,
a solid work ethic, and an
indomitable belief in the future --
NORVILLE
I myself --

He crosses back to the desk.
(CONTINUED)
56.

35 CONTINUED: (4) 35
AMY
Only to have that belief, that
unsullied optimism, dashed against
the marble and mortar of the
modern work place --

Norville takes a cigarette from a large wood cigarette
box on the desk and sticks it in his mouth.
NORVILLE
Cigarette?

AMY
No thank you. Seek and ye shall
find, work and ye shall prosper --
these were the watch words of my
education, the ethics of my
tender years --

OVER NORVILLE'S SHOULDER
He has been pushing the box towards her. The box tilts
lazily forward and then disappears over the far lip of
the desk. We hear the THUD of the BOX landing amid the
pitter-patter of cigarettes raining onto the carpet.
Amy's brow crinkles. Continuing:

AMY
-- these were the values that were
instilled in me while I was growing
up in a little town you've probably
never heard of --
NORVILLE
Mind if I join you?

He is pouring himself a drink.
AMY
Be my guest. A little town
you've probably --
He tosses back his drink, gags, looks at Amy with his
eyes bulging.

HIS POV

Once again her IMAGE PULSATES. There is a ROARING SOUND
and an AIRY STEAM WHISTLE as she silently moves her lips.
(CONTINUED)
57.

35 CONTINUED: (5) 35
NORVILLE

He waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as
he staggers to his feet.
NORVILLE
Excuse me -- I -- executive
washroom...
He staggers out a side door.

On his exit Amy leaps to her feet and scurries over to
his desk. At the top of her voice:
AMY
Are you all right?...

She throws open the top desk drawer. Inside two lonely
lead pencils roll through the otherwise empty drawer.
Amy expertly flips a cigarette into her mouth and strikes
a match off the desktop.
AMY
... Is it your lunch? The chicken
a la king?
From the washroom:

NORVILLE (O.S.)
No, I --
Amy throws open another drawer, empty except for an
appointment book. As she hurriedly flips through page
after blank page an arctic WIND WHISTLES emptiness. One
page only has a notation: 11:45. Address Wilkie Grammar
School Junior Achievers Club.

AMY
Is the a la king repeating on you?

Amy shoves the appointment book back into the drawer.
NORVILLE (O.S.)
... I'm fine, I... You were saying?

She mutters:
AMY
Values... watchwords... uh, tender
years...
(aloud)
-- A little town you've probably
never heard of...

(CONTINUED)
58.

35 CONTINUED: (6) 35
She hastily stubs out her cigarette and waves her hand
to disperse the smoke.

AMY
... Muncie, Indiana.

She scurries back across the room as we hear the FAUCET
BEING TURNED OFF: she restrikes her languid pose on the
couch just as the washroom door opens.
Norville gapes, one hand pressing a dripping rag to his
forehead.
NORVILLE
You're from Muncie?!

AMY
Why yes, do you know it?
Norville starts making pumping motions with his fists
and loud syncopated grunting noises. Amy gapes at him.
He starts singing, off-key:

NORVILLE
'Fight on fight on dear old Muncie
Fight on -- Hoist the gold and blue
You'll be tattered, torn and hurtin'
Once 'The Munce' is done with you!'
Amy lamely fakes singing along, coming in louder on the
last, obvious rhyme. Norville jumps an octave on it;
she quickly follows sit, also pumping her fists.

As Norville crosses his hands and locks thumbs in
front of his nose to make bird wings of his extended
fingers:

NORVILLE
... Goooooooo Eagles!

Amy awkwardly imitates.
Norville excitedly sits behind his desk.

NORVILLE
... A Muncie girl! Talk about the
cat's pyjamas! Tell you what, Amy.
I'm gonna cancel the rest of my
appointments this afternoon and
get you a job here at the Hud.

AMY
Oh, no, really, I --

(CONTINUED)
59.

35 CONTINUED: (7) 35
NORVILLE
Don't bother to thank me, it's the
easiest thing in the world. Matter
of fact, I know where a vacancy
just came up.

He hits the intercom.

NORVILLE
... Mail room.

To Amy:
NORVILLE
... This'll only take a moment.

INTERCOM (V.O.)
Yeah?
NORVILLE
Good afternoon to ya, this is
Norville Barnes --
INTERCOM (V.O.)
Barnes! Where the hell have you
been! And where's my voucher?!
Norville thumps at his pockets.

NORVILLE
... Well, I'm not sure where I --
INTERCOM (V.O.)
I need that voucher! I told you
a week ago it was important!
NORVILLE
But look, I'm president of the
company now and I --
INTERCOM (V.O.)
I don't care if you're president
of the company! I need that
voucher! Now!

CLICK. The intercom goes dead.

NORVILLE
Oh, of all the foolish... Listen,
do you take shorthand? Are you
familiar with the mimeograph
machine?
(CONTINUED)
60.

35 CONTINUED: (8) 35
AMY
Of course -- I went to the Muncie,
uh, Secretarial Polytechnic!
Norville excitedly smacks a fist into a palm.

NORVILLE
-- A Muncie girl! Can you beat that!
AMY
Well, I just don't know how to
thank you, Mr. Barnes --
NORVILLE
Please! Norville!

As he reaches to shake:
NORVILLE
... It's my pleasure!
She reaches for his hand but Norville snatches it away
and, winking at her, hooks thumbs in front of his
nose and makes wings of his fingers.
NORVILLE
... Gooooooo Eagles!


36 AMY 36
likewise hooks her thumbs in front of her nose,
makes wings, and, winking back:

AMY
Gooooooooo Eagles!

But we PULL BACK to reveal that the girl is now in a
newspaper office, demonstrating the fight sign to
SMITTY, a reporter wearing a fedora with a bent-back
brim. Smitty howls with laughter.

SMITTY
(wheezing)
... Once 'The Munce'... Holy...

Amy sits down behind a typewriter and, as she starts
typing at 80 words per minute:
AMY
And is this guy from chumpsville?!
I pulled the old mother routine --
SMITTY
Adenoids?
(CONTINUED)
61.

36 CONTINUED: 36
AMY
Lumbago.

Behind her an ancient man wearing an inksman's visor
and sleeve garters toils over a large checkerboarded
surface over which he shuffles letter blocks and black
spaces.

Smitty gives a low whistle.
SMITTY
That gag's got whiskers on it!
The PHONE RINGS and Smitty reaches for it.

AMY
I'm telling you, Smitty, the board
of Hudsucker is up to something --
SMITTY
(into phone)
Yeah.
ANCIENT PUZZLER
Say, Amy, what's a six-letter word
for an affliction of the hypothalmus?
Without a break in her typing:

AMY
-- And it's a cinch -- Goiter -- it's
a cinch this guy isn't in on it.
How much time to make the Late
Final?
Smitty holds the phone away from his ear.

SMITTY
Chief.
Still typing, Amy whistles and nods to her shoulder.
Smitty tucks the phone into it as she continues
typing.
AMY
Hiya, Chief, just the person I
wanted to apologize to...
Smitty is looking at his watch.

SMITTY
About seven minutes.
(CONTINUED)
62.

36 CONTINUED: (2) 36
AMY
(still typing)
Yeah, I was all wet about your
idea man... Well, thanks for being
so generous... It is human, and
you are divine... No, he's no
faker. He's the 100% real McCoy
beware-of-imitations genuine
article: the guy is a real
moron --

To the Ancient Puzzler:
AMY
-- as in a five-letter word for
imbecile --

Back into phone:
AMY
-- as pure a specimen as I've ever
run across... Am I sure he's a
nitwit? Heck, if working at the
Argus doesn't make me an expert
then my name isn't Amy Archer and
I've never won the Pulitzer Prize...
Her eyes narrow.

AMY
... In 1957... My series on the
reunited triplets -- come on down
here, hammerhead, and I'll show it
to ya...
ANCIENT PUZZLER
Amy, what's a three-letter word
for a flightless bird?
AMY
Not now, Morris, I'm busy -- That's
right, I said hammerhead, as in a
ten-letter word for a smug bullying
self-important newspaperman --

To Morris:

AMY
-- Gnu --

Into phone:

AMY
-- who couldn't find --

(CONTINUED)
63.

36 CONTINUED: (3) 36
To Morris:

AMY
-- That's G-N-U --
Into phone:

AMY
-- couldn't find the Empire State
Building with a compass, a road
map and a native guide.

To Morris:
AMY
-- or emu.

She slams down the phone. To Smitty:
AMY
... And that's just the potatoes,
Smitty, here comes the gravy: The
chump really likes me. A Muncie
girl!
Smitty bursts out laughing.
SMITTY
Better off falling for a
rattlesnake.
As she continues to type:
AMY
I'm tellin' ya, this guy's just
the patsy and I'm gonna find out
what for. There's a real story,
Smitty, some kind of plot, a set-
up, a cabal, a -- oh, and say, did
I tell ya?!

SMITTY
He didn't offer you money.
AMY
A sawbuck!

SMITTY
Ten dollars? Let's grab a
highball!

AMY
On Norville Barnes!
(CONTINUED)
64.

36 CONTINUED: (4) 36
She rips the page out of the typewriter, swivels in
her chair to FACE CAMERA as we TRACK IN CLOSE and she
hollers:
AMY
... Copy!

DISSOLVE THROUGH TO:

A37 PRESSES A37

rolling, churning out great quantities of newsprint.
Papers piling up one on top of the other, very many, very
quickly.


B37 DELIVERY MAN B37
throwing a baled stack of papers off the back of his
truck.


C37 BALED PAPER C37
rolling into the f.g. A hand ENTERS FRAME to snip its
wires and wipe off the top paper.


D37 PAPER BOY D37
wearing an apron and a little paper boy cap, mouthing
"Extra! Extra!" as he holds one of the papers aloft.
PAN UP his arm TO the newspaper and, BEYOND it, the
towering Hudsucker Building.

All of the above --
DISSOLVING WITH:

E37 NEWSPAPER E37

spinning TOWARDS the CAMERA and STOPPING FULL FRAME.
Its headline, over a picture of Norville smiling,
is "IMBECILE HEADS HUDSUCKER." The subheadline: "Not
a Brain in his Head."


38 ANOTHER ANGLE - NEWSPAPER 38
is angrily slammed down to reveal that Norville has been
reading the inside.
(CONTINUED)
65.

38 CONTINUED: 38
His face twisting with fury, he leans forward and hits
the intercom.

NORVILLE
Miss Smith, can you come in please
to take a letter...

Muttering to himself:
NORVILLE
... of all the cockamamie...

Amy is bustling in holding a steno pad and a pencil.
As she seats herself in front of his desk, he rises
to pace behind it.

NORVILLE
... Did you happen to see the front
page of today's Manhattan Argus?
AMY
Well, I... didn't bother to read
the article. I didn't think the
picture did you justice.
NORVILLE
The picture was fine! It's what
that knuckle-headed dame wrote
underneath! Of all the
irresponsible... Amy, take this
down: Dear Miss Archer. I call
you 'Miss' because you seem to
have 'missed' the boat completely
on this one! How on earth would
you know whether I'm an imbecile
when you don't even have the guts
to come in here and interview me
man to man! No, change 'guts' to
'courage.' No, make it 'common
decency.' These wild speculations
about my intelligence --

AMY
-- or lack thereof?

NORVILLE
(nodding)
-- these preposterous inventions,
would be better suited to the
pages of Amazing Tales Magazine.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
66.

38 CONTINUED: (2) 38
NORVILLE (CONT'D)
If the editors of the Manhattan
Argus see fit to publish the
rantings of a disordered mind,
perhaps they will see fit to
publish this letter! But I doubt
it. I most seriously doubt it.
As I doubt also that you could
find a home at Amazing Tales, a
periodical which I have enjoyed
for many years. Yours sincerely,
et cetera.
He drifts into thought.

AMY
Is that all, Mr. Barnes?
NORVILLE
... Well, you know me, Amy, at
least better than that that
dame does. Do you think I'm an
imbecile?

AMY
I'm sure I --
NORVILLE
Go on, tell the truth; I trust you
and I put a lot of stock in your
opinion.
AMY
Well, I --
NORVILLE
Oh sure, you're biased -- you're a
fellow Muncian. But would an
imbecile come up with this?
He whips the cover sheet off a display pad resting on
an easel to reveal a large piece of graph paper with
a circle rendered onto it.
Amy looks, puzzled, from the circle to Norville's
proudly beaming face.

NORVILLE
... I designed it myself and this
is just the sweet baby that can
put Hudsucker right back on top.

(CONTINUED)
67.

38 CONTINUED: (3) 38
Amy is bewildered. Norville explains:

NORVILLE
... You know! For kids!
AMY
... Why don't I just type this
up...
NORVILLE
Aww, naw, Amy, that won't be
necessary. I shouldn't send it;
she's just doing her job, I guess.
AMY
Well, I don't know; maybe she does
deserve it. Maybe she should've
come in to face you man to man.
NORVILLE
Well, she probably had a deadline...
AMY
Sure, but -- she could still have
gotten your side for the record!
NORVILLE
Well, it's done now -- what's the
use of grousing about it. Forget
the letter, Amy, I just had to
blow off some steam...
She gets up to leave, and is heading for the door when
Norville adds:
NORVILLE
... She's probably just a little
confused.
Amy turns at the door.

AMY
Confused?
NORVILLE
Yeah, you know, probably one of
these fast-talking career gals,
thinks she's one of the boys.
Probably is one of the boys, if
you know what I mean.

(CONTINUED)
68.

38 CONTINUED: (4) 38
AMY
(through clenched
teeth)
I'm quite sure I don't know what
you mean.

NORVILLE
Yeah, you know. Suffers from one
of these complexes they have
nowadays. Seems pretty obvious,
doesn't it? She's probably very
unattractive and bitter about it.
AMY
Oh, is that it!

NORVILLE
Yeah, you know. Probably dresses
in men's clothing, swaps drinks
with the guys at the local watering
hole, and hobnobs with some smooth-
talking heel in the newsroom named
Biff or Smoocher or...

AMY
Smitty.
NORVILLE
Exactly. And I bet she's ugly.
Real ugly. Otherwise, why wouldn't
they print her picture next to her
byline?
AMY
Maybe she puts her work ahead of
her personal appearance.

NORVILLE
I bet that's exactly what she tells
herself! But you and I both know
she's just a dried-up bitter old
maid. Say, how about you and I
grab a little dinner and a show
after work? I was thinking maybe
The King and I --

Whap! Amy slaps him.
He stares.

NORVILLE
... How about Oklahoma?
As she stalks out of the office:

(CONTINUED)
69.

38 CONTINUED: (5) 38
AMY
Norville Barnes, you don't know a
thing about that woman! You don't
know who she really is! And only
a numbskull thinks he knows things
about things he knows nothing
about!

He stares, rubbing his cheek.
NORVILLE
Say, what gives?

A39 WHISTLE A39

SHRIEKING.
SWISH PAN TO:


B39 CLOCK B39
Reading five o'clock.
SWISH PAN TO:


C39 WORKERS C39
Rising from their desks, collecting personal effects,
putting on their hats and coats.


D39 TIME CLOCK D39
Busy hands punch out.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Norville Barnes, the president of Hudsucker Industries, collapses in his office with a woman named Amy in his arms. Amy explains how she ended up there, and Norville offers her a drink. As Amy talks about her life, Norville notices a box of cigarettes and a calendar with an appointment for him to speak at a local school. When Norville returns from the washroom, he offers Amy a job at the company. She accepts, and they celebrate by making bird wings with their hands and chanting "Goooooooo Eagles!" However, the scene ends with a reveal that Amy is actually in a newspaper office, typing up a story about Norville Barnes and telling her editor that she believes he is a patsy and that there is a larger plot in play.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Gender bias portrayal
  • Stereotypical assumptions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with conflict, and reveals character dynamics effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a misunderstanding leading to a confrontation is well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the conflict between Norville and Amy, adding depth to their characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and humorous take on the theme of intelligence and perception. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Norville and Amy are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

Norville's perception of Amy changes as he realizes his bias and assumptions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove his intelligence and worth to himself and others. He wants to show that he is not an imbecile and that he has innovative ideas to contribute to the company.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address a negative newspaper article that portrays him as an imbecile. He wants to defend his reputation and show that he is capable and intelligent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Norville and Amy is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges from external forces and his own misconceptions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of reputation and integrity for both Norville and Amy.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reactions of the characters and the humorous twists in the dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between appearances and reality, as Norville's intelligence is questioned based on external perceptions rather than his actual abilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of anger, defiance, and confusion.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, revealing character traits and driving the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, humorous interactions, and the protagonist's struggle to defend his reputation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rapid dialogue and character interactions contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a screenplay. It effectively conveys the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and resolution. It effectively conveys the protagonist's goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of character motivations and actions. Norville's behavior towards Amy is inconsistent and comes off as disrespectful and misogynistic.
  • The dialogue between Norville and Amy is unrealistic and lacks depth. It feels forced and does not effectively convey the emotions or intentions of the characters.
  • The scene contains problematic stereotypes and assumptions about women, career women, and appearance, which can be offensive and perpetuate harmful stereotypes.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven, with abrupt shifts in tone and focus that make it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
  • The scene lacks subtlety and nuance in its portrayal of character dynamics and conflicts, resulting in a superficial and unconvincing interaction between Norville and Amy.
Suggestions
  • Revisit the character motivations and actions to ensure they are consistent and realistic. Develop Norville and Amy's relationship in a more nuanced and respectful way.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' emotions and intentions. Add depth and complexity to their interactions.
  • Avoid perpetuating harmful stereotypes and assumptions about women and appearance. Focus on creating authentic and respectful portrayals of characters.
  • Work on improving the pacing of the scene by smoothing out transitions and maintaining a consistent tone throughout.
  • Add layers to the character dynamics and conflicts to create a more engaging and compelling interaction between Norville and Amy.



Scene 7 -  Amy Enters Norville's Office and Finds a Mysterious Room
40 INT. EMPTY HALLWAY 40

Of the executive floor. A security man walks down the
hall, whistling, swinging a ring of keys. After he
passes the door to the ladies' room it opens, Amy peeks
out, emerges, goes into Norville's office.


41 INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE 41
She goes to the desk, takes out the appointment book,
flips through it.

(CONTINUED)
70.

41 CONTINUED: 41
BOOK

Still empty except for the one date with the Wilkie
Grammer School Junior Achievers Club, which now has a red
line drawn across it with the notation CANCELED.


AMY
looks around the office -- notices something.


DOOR
Set into the wall to one side it is topped by a small
plaque: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.

Amy tries the knob, which turns, and enters.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary After a security guard passes by, Amy exits the ladies' room and enters Norville's office. She notices an empty appointment book and a door labeled 'AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.' Curious, she tries the knob and it turns, allowing her to enter the mysterious room.
Strengths
  • Engaging blend of genres
  • Well-developed characters
  • Intriguing plot development
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some predictable elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, drama, and mystery to create an engaging and entertaining sequence that keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an office intruder discovering a canceled appointment in Norville's office adds an element of mystery and sets the stage for further developments in the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Amy uncovers the canceled appointment and begins to search for valuables and information in Norville's office, setting up potential conflicts and revelations.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting but adds a twist with the canceled appointment and restricted access, creating a sense of mystery and intrigue. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and serve to advance the plot.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Amy and Norville are well-developed, with Amy showing cunning and determination while Norville displays a mix of naivety and ambition.

Character Changes: 6

Amy's character undergoes a change as she transitions from a seemingly helpless woman to a cunning intruder, while Norville remains relatively unchanged.

Internal Goal: 8

Amy's internal goal in this scene is to uncover something important or hidden in Norville's office. This reflects her curiosity, determination, and possibly a desire for knowledge or truth.

External Goal: 6

Amy's external goal is to find evidence or information that may help her in her current situation or task. This reflects her resourcefulness and problem-solving skills.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Amy's deception and Norville's innocence creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Amy facing the challenge of entering a restricted area and potentially breaking the rules. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, with Amy's actions potentially impacting Norville's future and the overall plot.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and potential plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements like the canceled appointment and restricted access, keeping the audience guessing about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene could be the tension between following rules and breaking them for a greater purpose. Amy is faced with the decision to enter a restricted area, which challenges her beliefs about authority and access.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate, with hints of suspense and intrigue as Amy's true intentions are revealed.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Amy and Norville is engaging and reveals their personalities effectively, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a mystery and raises questions about the characters' motivations and intentions. The audience is drawn in by the tension and suspense of Amy's actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual reveal of information and a sense of urgency in Amy's actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue. It adheres to the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup in the hallway, a development in Norville's office, and a resolution with Amy entering the restricted area. The pacing and formatting are effective in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The transition from the security guard walking down the hallway to Amy entering Norville's office feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition or a brief establishing shot to set the scene.
  • The action of Amy flipping through the appointment book and noticing the red line drawn across the date with the Wilkie Grammer School Junior Achievers Club is a good way to show that something has changed in Norville's schedule, but it could be more impactful if there was a clearer connection to the overall plot or character development.
  • The discovery of the door labeled 'AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY' is intriguing and adds a sense of mystery to the scene, but it could be further developed to create more tension and suspense.
  • The scene lacks dialogue and character interaction, which could make it feel a bit static. Adding some dialogue or inner thoughts from Amy could help to deepen her character and provide more insight into her motivations.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting, such as details about the office decor or Amy's reactions to what she finds.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief establishing shot or description to smoothly transition from the security guard in the hallway to Amy entering Norville's office.
  • Develop the significance of the red line drawn across the date in the appointment book to tie it more closely to the plot or character arcs.
  • Build suspense and intrigue around the discovery of the door labeled 'AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY' by adding more details about Amy's reaction and the implications of entering the room.
  • Introduce some dialogue or inner thoughts for Amy to add depth to her character and provide insight into her motivations for exploring Norville's office.
  • Enhance the scene with more visual descriptions of the office and Amy's reactions to create a richer and more immersive setting.



Scene 8 -  Nighttime Espionage
42 INT. ROOM 42
It is big and dim, several stories high, with spiral
staircases reaching into, and catwalks criss-crossing,
the gloom above. It is filled with contraptions --
works, cogs, gears. There is no window, but on what
would be the window wall there is an enormous iron ring
with a metal rod sweeping an interior circle. It is the
backside of the great Hudsucker clock.
Amy gazes about. She crosses to a door opposite the
one she entered from.
She stoops to peek through its keyhole.


43 HER POV 43

We are LOOKING INTO Sidney J. Mussburger's office.
Mussburger sits at his desk barking into a Dictaphone.
CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS on his
desk are going full-tilt; THRUMMMMMMM -- the CLOCK'S
exterior second hand sweeps a shadow across the office.
Mussburger, it seems, never sleeps.

MUSSBURGER
Memo. From the desk of Sidney J.
Mussburger. Executive order
number 530 slash A49. To:
Director of the Jacksonville
Facility. Copies to: Legal
Affairs, Business Affairs, Central
Files.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
71.

43 CONTINUED: 43
MUSSBURGER (CONT'D)
Re: Movement of Raw Materials
from the Huron Facility. Due to
unfavorable news in the slag
markets, Jacksonville inventory
must be reduced by 15 percent
with overflow diverted to the
Waukegan Stamping Facility. Memo.
From the desk of Sidney J.
Mussburger. Executive Order
number 530 slash A50. To:
Director of --

42 BACK TO SCENE 42

VOICE (O.S.)
Watchoo doin' down they, Miss
Archuh?
AMY
Huh?!
She straightens and turns.
Facing her is a very old BLACK MAN in a janitor's
jumpsuit with HUDSUCKER INDUSTRIES/The Future Is Now
emblazoned across it. We might recognize his voice as
that of the narrator who opened the movie.
AMY
Who are you? How did you know who
I am?

MOSES (BLACK MAN)
Ah guess ole Moses knows jes about
ever'thing, leastways if it concerns
Hudsuckuh.
AMY
But -- who are you -- what d'you
do here?
MOSES
Ah keeps the ol' circle turning --
this ol' clock needs plenty o'
care. Time is money, Miss Archuh,
and money -- it drives that ol'
global economy and keeps big Daddy
Earth a-spinnin' on 'roun'. Ya
see, without that capital
fo'mation --
(CONTINUED)
72.

42 CONTINUED: 42
AMY
Yeah, yeah. Say, you won't tell
anyone about me, will you?
MOSES
I don't tell no one nothin'
lessen they ask. Thatches ain't
ole Moses' way.
AMY
So if you know everything about
Hudsucker, tell me why the Board
decided to make Norville Barnes
president.

MOSES
Well, that even surprised ole
Moses at fust. I didn't think
the Board was that smart.
AMY
That smart?!
MOSES
But then I figured it out: they
did it 'cause they figured young
Norville for an imbecile. Like
some othuh people ah know.

AMY
Why on earth would they want a
nitwit to be president?
MOSES
'Cause they's little pigglies!
They's tryin' to inspire panic,
make that stock git cheap so's
they can snitch it all up fo'
themselves! But Norville, he's
got some tricks up his sleeve,
he does...

He draws a circle with his finger in the air.
MOSES
... you know, fo' kids? Yeah,
he's a smart one, that Norville,
heh-heh, he's a caution. Wal,
some folks is square, an' some
is hip --

To punctuate, he gives a little jerk of his hips.
(CONTINUED)
73.

42 CONTINUED: (2) 42
MOSES
... But I guess you don't really
know him any better than that
board does, do ya, Miss Archuh?
AMY
Well, maybe I --

MOSES
An' only some kind a knucklehead
thinks she knows things 'bout
things she, uh -- when she
don't, uh -- How'd that go?
AMY
(bristling)
It's hardly the same --
MOSES
Why you don't even know y'own
self -- you ain't exactly the
genuine article are you, Miss
Archuh?

AMY
Well, in connection with my job,
sometimes I have to go undercover
as it were --

MOSES
I don't mean that! Why you
pretendin' to be such a hard ol'
sourpuss! Ain't never gonna make
you happy! Never made Warin'
happy.
AMY
(uncomfortably)
I'm happy enough.
MOSES
(chuckles)
Okay, Miss Archuh.
(turns and walks
away)
... I got gears to see to.

AMY
(calls after him)
I'm plenty happy!

She is answered only by WHIRRING MACHINERY.
(CONTINUED)
74.

42 CONTINUED: (3) 42
MOSES

Elsewhere in the great room, he is hunkered down next
to a catchment which he buffs with a greasy rag. Amy's
VOICE ECHOES UP:

AMY (O.S.)
... Hello?
MOSES
(muttering to
himself)
Them po' young folks. Looks like
Norville's in fo' the same kind
o' heartache ol' Warin' had. But
then, she never axed me 'bout
dat...
As OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS, we --
FADE OUT.


FADE IN:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Amy, disguised as a man, spies on Mussburger from a dimly lit janitor's closet filled with machinery. She grapples with her identity and the board's decision to appoint Barnes as president after Moses, the janitor privy to her secret, offers enigmatic insights into her self-perception. Alone, Amy ponders his words as Moses departs for his duties.
Strengths
  • Intriguing setting
  • Mysterious character of Moses
  • Revealing potential conspiracy
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too cryptic for clarity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with suspense and mystery, and sets up intriguing plot developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a hidden clock room with a character like Moses who hints at deeper secrets adds depth and intrigue to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with the introduction of the clock room and the hints of a conspiracy surrounding Norville Barnes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters, explores complex themes, and features engaging dialogue that sets it apart from conventional storytelling.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Moses, are intriguing and add layers to the story.

Character Changes: 5

There are subtle hints at character revelations, especially regarding Norville Barnes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the decision to make Norville Barnes president of Hudsucker Industries. This reflects her desire for knowledge, understanding, and possibly a sense of justice.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain her cover and gather information without revealing her true identity. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in navigating the complex world of Hudsucker Industries.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is an underlying conflict hinted at in the scene, adding tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Moses challenging Amy's beliefs and forcing her to confront uncomfortable truths.

High Stakes: 7

The discovery of the clock room and the potential conspiracy raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene introduces new elements and plot points that propel the story forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters and the revelation of hidden motives.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of knowledge, deception, and authenticity. Moses challenges Amy's perception of herself and her role, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and honesty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes curiosity and tension, but not strong emotional reactions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is cryptic and adds to the mysterious atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intriguing setting, dynamic characters, and thought-provoking dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and introspection to maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and narrative progression.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose. It meanders between Amy's interaction with Moses and her attempt to gather information about Norville and the Board's decision.
  • The dialogue between Amy and Moses feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity.
  • The transition between different topics in the conversation is abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow and engage with the scene.
  • The scene fails to build tension or create a sense of intrigue, which is crucial for a scene involving investigative elements.
  • There is a lack of visual storytelling and dynamic elements in the scene, making it feel static and uninteresting.
Suggestions
  • Focus on a specific objective for Amy in this scene, whether it's gathering information about Norville or uncovering the Board's motives. This will help streamline the narrative and create a more engaging storyline.
  • Work on developing more natural and meaningful dialogue between Amy and Moses. Add depth to their interaction by exploring their motivations, emotions, and conflicts.
  • Consider adding visual elements to enhance the storytelling, such as using the machinery in the room to reflect the characters' emotions or intentions.
  • Introduce more suspense and tension by revealing hints of a larger conspiracy or conflict surrounding Norville and the Board's decision.
  • Ensure that each scene contributes to the overall plot and character development, avoiding unnecessary detours or distractions.



Scene 9 -  Amy Confronts the Chief Editor
44 INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE 44
He slams down a typescript.

CHIEF
I can't print this!
AMY
Why not, it's all true! The board
is using this poor guy! They're
depressing the stock so they can
buy it cheap!

CHIEF
It's pure speculation! Why,
they'd have my butt in a satchel!

SMITTY
(chuckling)
Ol' satchel-butt...

AMY
I know they're gonna buy that
stock --

(CONTINUED)
75.

44 CONTINUED: 44
CHIEF
You don't know anything! Fact is
they haven't bought it! The
stock is cheap, Archer! What're
they waiting for?

AMY
I don't know...
SMITTY
Amy's hunches are usually pretty
good, Chief.
CHIEF
You don't accuse someone of stock
manipulation on a hunch, Ignatz!
The readers of the Manhattan
Argus aren't interested in
sensationalism, gossip and
unsupported speculation. Facts,
figures -- those are the tools of
the newspaper trade! Why it's
almost as if you're trying to
take the heat off this Barnes
numbskull -- like you've gone all
soft on him!
SMITTY
Come on, Chief, that's a low blow.
Archer's not gonna go goey for a
corn-fed idiot.
CHIEF
All right, I was out of line. But
you're out of line with this stock
swindle story. Gimme some more of
that Moron-from-Sheboygan stuff --

AMY
Muncie.

CHIEF
Whatever. That's what sells
newspapers.

AMY
I've got an even hotter story --
the Sap from the City Desk.
CHIEF
Watch it, Archer --

AMY
It's about a dimwitted editor
who --
(CONTINUED)
76.

44 CONTINUED: (2) 44
SMITTY
Easy, Amy...

He gives her a companionable goose.
SMITTY
... Let's grab a highball and
calm down.
She whirls and slaps him.

AMY
Back off -- smoocher!
Smitty rubs his cheek, staring as she storms off.

SMITTY
(angry)
Say, what gives?


45 ENGRAVED INVITATION 45
It reads:
Sidney J. Mussburger
President Norville Barnes
and
The Board of Hudsucker Industries
CORDIALLY INVITE YOU TO
The Annual Fancy-Dress Hudsucker Christmas Gala
Music, Dancing, Refreshments (Dainties)
Formal Evening Attire de Rigeuer

The MUSIC OVER the invitation -- "WE WISH YOU A MERRY
CHRISTMAS" -- SEGUES INTO the dance music of the Hudsucker
Chamber Orchestra.

46 DANCING COUPLES 46

FILL the SCREEN; we GLIDE AMONG them and FINALLY COME to
follow one couple: Norville and MRS. MUSSBURGER, a large
middle-aged woman of the Margaret Dumont-mold in an
elaborately flowered and old-fashioned evening gown,
low-cut in spite of her overly-heavy figure. She wears
a large flowered hat with a rolled-up veil.
MRS. MUSSBURGER
-- So we'd gone out to the
Hamptons and the garden was in
positive ruins!
(CONTINUED)
77.

46 CONTINUED: 46
NORVILLE
That must have been quite a
disappointment, Mrs. Mussburger.
MRS. MUSSBURGER
Disappointment? J'etais destroyee!
I was in bed for a week!
Positively sick with fury! I
called in the gardener and said,
'Monsieur Gonzalez, either those
azaleas come up next spring or
you are terminee!
She throws her head back and roars with laughter.


ANGLE - THEIR FEET
As the large woman leans back to laugh, her feet stay
planted on the ground and Norville's rise to be dragged
with his toes scraping the floor through the continuing
dance.
MRS. MUSSBURGER
I'm brushing up on my French with
the most charming man, Pierre of
Fifth Avenue. Do you know him?
NORVILLE
I haven't had --
MRS. MUSSBURGER
Sidney and I are planning a trip
to Paris and points continental --
Aren't we, dear?
Mussburger has ENTERED FRAME.

MUSSBURGER
Sure, sure. I'm going to borrow
Norville for a while, if you don't
mind, dear.
MIXING DOWN as they leave her:

MRS. MUSSBURGER
Well, frankly, I...
NORVILLE
You have a charming wife, Mr.
Muss -- uh, Sid.

(CONTINUED)
78.

46 CONTINUED: (2) 46
MUSSBURGER
So they tell me. Norville, let
me shepherd you through some of
the introductions here. Try not
to talk too much; some of our
biggest stockholders are, uh --
scratch that: Say whatever you
want.

ENTRYWAY

As Amy enters in a simple yet stunning evening gown. She
looks around the room, then starts across the crowded
floor towards the punch bowl.


NORVILLE
As Mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing
BUSINESSMAN in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat.
MUSSBURGER
Norville Barnes, allow me to
introduce Mr. Zebulon Cardozo, one
of Hudsucker Industries largest
and most loyal stockholders.
Ignoring Norville's proffered hand:
CARDOZO (BUSINESSMAN)
Dammit boy, what's this I hear
about you bein' an embecile? What
the hell is ailin' ya?! A week
ago my stock was worth twice what
it is now! I'm considering
dumping the whole shootin' match,
unless I see some vast improvement!
Dammit, boy, It's a range war!
Either you pull our wagons into
a circle or I'm pullin' out of
the wagon train!
Norville gives him a forced but hearty laugh of
reassurance.

NORVILLE
No need for concern, sir; it's only
natural in a period of transition
for the more timid element to run
for cover --

CARDOZO
So I'm yella, am I?!!

(CONTINUED)
79.

46 CONTINUED: (3) 46
He starts peeling off his tuxedo jacket:

CARDOZO
... We'll see who's yella!!
His WIFE, a small wiry woman, steps in as Mussburger
starts dragging Norville away.

MRS. CARDOZO
Zebulon, you mind now and quit
bein' sech an ole grizzly.

As he reluctantly starts shrugging back into the jacket:
CARDOZO
Aww, I wasn't gonna hurt the boy,
Lorelei...


MUSSBURGER AND NORVILLE
As they make their way through the room Norville is
mopping at his brow with a handkerchief.

NORVILLE
I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe if
I showed him the long view we
might --

Thump! Dabbing at his brow, Norville has walked square
into the back of a debonaire man holding a martini.
The drink sloshes and the man turns testily to face him.
MUSSBURGER
Norville, this is Thorstensen
Finlandsen, who heads a radical
splinter group of disgruntled
investors.
Norville nervously pumps Findlandsen's hand.

NORVILLE
Hello, Mr. Finlandsen, so sorry to
meet you -- uh, happy to walk
into y-- uh, pleased to make
your --

Findlandsen raises his hand to look quizzically at
Norville's handkerchief which he now holds himself,
apparently having been given it during the handshake.

He hands it back to Norville.
(CONTINUED)
80.

46 CONTINUED: (4) 46
NORVILLE
Thank you, sir...

He stuffs it nervously into his outside breast pocket as
Findlandsen stares at him. Mussburger stands watching
in the executive at-ease, hands dug into his pockets.

NORVILLE
... I understand your concern
about the down-ward, you know,
but I think you'll find under
our strong new leadership...
As Norville's hand drops from his breast pocket the
handkerchief, perhaps caught on his sleeve, whips out of
the pocket and follows his hand down.

Findlandsen looks down and Norville follows his look,
and stoops BELOW FRAME to retrieve the hanky.
Findlandsen leans quizzically forward and peers down at
Norville, who continues, O.S.
NORVILLE (O.S.)
We anticipate, in short order,
an upward...
In rapid fire, Norville straightens up into -- crunch --
Findlandsen, whose head snaps back, eyes rolling, a hand
pressed to his nose, drink sloshing; Norville, one hand
pressed to the back of his own head and the other wildly
waving his hanky for balance, takes a staggering step
forward onto the toe of an elegantly-gowned
MRS. FINDLANDSEN.
MRS. FINDLANDSEN
Ahhh!

There is a drum roll and, as the lights dim:

EMCEE
grabs the large old-fashioned microphone in front of
the band and grins.

EMCEE
Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished
members of the Hudsucker board. I
give you the king of swing, the
rajah of romance, the incredible,
the unforgettable Mister Vic...
Tenetta!
(CONTINUED)
81.

46 CONTINUED: (5) 46
Vic Tenetta takes the microphone from the Emcee who backs
away, applauding as Tenetta starts to croon. He wears
a white dinner jacket. His jet black hair sweeps out
over his forehead in a roguishly pompadoured mat; one
forelock droops and bounces across his forehead.

CUT TO:

47 SEVERAL BOARD MEMBERS 47

Clustered in a dim corner of the room, smoking cigars.
In the b.g., brilliantly spotlit, Vic Tenetta continues
his song.

As Mussburger joins them:

EXECUTIVE #1
How's it going, Mr. Mussburger?
MUSSBURGER
Bad.
EXECUTIVE #2
Good.
MUSSBURGER
But not bad enough.

EXECUTIVE #3
Too bad.
MUSSBURGER
It could be better, it could be
worse.
ALL THREE EXECUTIVES
Hmmmmmm.
MUSSBURGER
The stock's got to drop another
five points if we expect to get
controlling interest. Norville
tells me he's got some hot idea.
Can't be good.

EXECUTIVE #1
Then it can't be bad!
EXECUTIVE #2
Couldn't be better if it couldn't
be worse.
ALL
Hmmmmmm.
82.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Amy Archer presents evidence to the Chief Editor that Hudsucker Industries is manipulating the stock market. The Chief Editor is hesitant to publish the story out of fear of backlash from the Board, but Amy remains determined to expose the truth.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Witty dialogue
  • Effective blend of humor and drama
Weaknesses
  • Some moments may be overly exaggerated
  • Potential for confusion with multiple character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written with a good balance of humor, drama, and satire. It effectively sets up conflicts and introduces key characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the Hudsucker Industries Christmas Gala, showcasing the dynamics between characters and the corporate intrigue.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through interactions between characters, revealing tensions and motivations. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as stock manipulation, investigative journalism, and social dynamics at a gala. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions drive the scene and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle changes in character dynamics and perceptions, especially in how Norville is perceived by others. These changes set the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the stock manipulation and prove her hunches right. This reflects her desire for justice, truth, and integrity in her work.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate and report on the stock manipulation happening within the company. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in uncovering the truth and exposing the corruption.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There are multiple conflicts present, including power struggles, misunderstandings, and hidden agendas. These conflicts drive the narrative and create tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing challenges, conflicts, and unexpected obstacles. The audience is left wondering how the characters will overcome these oppositions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of corporate power, control of the company, and personal reputations. The characters are driven by ambition and competition.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, characters, and motivations. It sets the stage for future events and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected physical comedy, witty banter, and surprising character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes with the comedic twists and turns.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between sensationalism and factual reporting in journalism. The Chief emphasizes the importance of facts and figures, while the protagonist believes in following her hunches and uncovering the truth, even if it means going against traditional reporting methods.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While the scene is more focused on humor and satire, there are moments of tension and intrigue that evoke some emotional response from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals character traits. It adds humor and depth to the scene, enhancing the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, comedic elements, and intriguing conflict. The interactions between characters and the unfolding mystery keep the audience hooked.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, developing conflicts, and maintaining audience interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and character movements contribute to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and a cliffhanger ending. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, jumping between different conversations and interactions without a cohesive thread.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, with characters delivering lines that don't flow organically.
  • There are too many characters introduced in a short span of time, making it difficult for the audience to keep track of who is who.
  • The physical comedy elements, while potentially humorous, come across as exaggerated and unrealistic, detracting from the overall tone of the scene.
  • The transition between different interactions and settings is abrupt and disjointed, making it hard for the audience to follow the narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a central conflict or theme for the scene to revolve around, providing a clear direction for the characters and dialogue.
  • Streamline the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, ensuring that each line contributes to character development or plot progression.
  • Introduce and develop fewer characters in the scene to avoid overwhelming the audience and allow for more meaningful interactions.
  • Tone down the physical comedy elements and focus on creating a more grounded and believable atmosphere within the scene.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different interactions and settings to maintain a cohesive narrative flow and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 10 -  A Bittersweet Kiss
48 EXT. PENTHOUSE - TERRACE 48
where the PARTY NOISE is DISTANT, TENETTA'S SONG just
FILTERING OUT.

We are on a FULL SHOT of the back of a man who stands
facing the twinkling cityscape, but in an odd, leaned-
back posture, with one hand reaching up to his hidden
face, his other hand pressed against the small of his
back, like a man with a stiff neck tossing back a drink.

REVERSE

Amy, having just emerged onto the terrace, squints at
him.

AMY
... Norville?
He turns and we see that it is indeed Norville, holding
a dripping icepack against one eye.
AMY
... What happened?

NORVILLE
Oh. Nothing, really, just... the
more timid investors are no longer
running for cover.

AMY
Let me look.
He does.

NORVILLE
Sid found me the icepack.

AMY
Let me hold it, or you'll have
a real shiner.

NORVILLE
Thanks. People seem to be pretty
hot over this imbecile story.

AMY
... I'm sorry.
NORVILLE
Oh, it isn't your fault, Amy.
You're the one person who's been
standing by me through all this.
As she rolls the pack gently across his eye:

(CONTINUED)
83.

48 CONTINUED: 48
AMY
Norville... there's something I
have to tell you. You see, I'm
not really a secretary.
NORVILLE
I know that, Amy.

AMY
... You do?

NORVILLE
I understand that you're not very
skilled yet in the secretarial
arts. I'm not that skilled as
president. Oh sure, I put up a
big front --
(massages his eye)
-- not that everyone's buying it.
AMY
I believe in you, Norville --
At least I believe in your...
intentions --
NORVILLE
Oh, I don't blame them, really.
I guess I have sort of made a mess
of things. These folks have to
protect their investment. Most
of them are very nice people --
AMY
Norville, you can't trust people
here like you did in Muncie...
They gaze out at the city.

AMY
... Certain people are --

NORVILLE
Didja ever go to the top of old
man Larson's feed tower and look
out over the town?

AMY
... Huh?
NORVILLE
You know, on farm route 17.

AMY
Oh yes! In Muncie!

(CONTINUED)
84.

48 CONTINUED: (2) 48
NORVILLE
No! In Vidalia! Farm Route 17!

AMY
Uh -- Yes. Seventeen. Yes, I
-- well no, I -- I never really
... There's a place I go now,
the cutest little place near my
apartment in Greenwich Village.
It's called Ann's 440. It's a
beatnik bar.

NORVILLE
You don't say.

AMY
Yes, you can get carrot juice or
Italian coffee, and the people
there -- well, none of them quite
fit in. You'd love it -- why don't
you come there with me -- they're
having a marathon poetry reading
on New Year's Eve. I go every
year.
NORVILLE
(puzzled)
Every year?

AMY
Well -- this year -- if it's good
I plan to make it a tradition.
I uh, my it certainly is
beautiful --
She nods out at the city to avoid Norville's quizzical
look.

AMY
... The people look like ants.

NORVILLE
Well, the Hindus say -- and the
beatniks also -- that in the next
life some of us will come back
as ants. Some will be butterflies.
Others will be elephants or
creatures of the sea.
AMY
What a beautiful thought.

NORVILLE
What do you think you were in
your previous life, Amy?
(CONTINUED)
85.

48 CONTINUED: (3) 48
AMY
Oh, I don't know. Maybe I was
just a fast-talking career gal
who thought she was one of the
boys --

NORVILLE
Oh no, Amy, pardon me for saying
so but I find that very far-
fetched.

AMY
Norville, there really is something
I have to tell you --

NORVILLE
That kind of person would come
back as a wildebeest, or a warthog.
No, I think it more likely that
you were a gazelle, with long,
graceful legs, gamboling through
the underbrush. Perhaps we met
once, a chance encounter in a
forest glade. I must have been
an antelope or an ibex. What
times we must have had -- foraging
together for sustenance, picking
the grubs and burrs from one
another's coats. Or perhaps we
simply touched our horns briefly
and went our separate ways...
AMY
I wish it were that simple,
Norville. I wish I was still a
gazelle, and you were an antelope
or an ibex.

NORVILLE
Well, can I at least call you
deer? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Seriously,
Amy, the whole thing is what your
beatnik friends call 'karma' --
the great circle of life, death
and rebirth.

Morosely:
AMY
Yeah, I think I've heard of that.
What goes around comes around.

(CONTINUED)
86.

48 CONTINUED: (4) 48
NORVILLE
That's it. A great wheel that
gives us each what we deserve...
He slaps his fist into his palm.

NORVILLE
... Tomorrow's my big presentation
to the board. I've gotta show
Sidney and the guys that I deserve
all their confidence!

Sadly:
AMY
Oh, Norville --

NORVILLE
Kiss me once, Amy! Kiss me once
for luck!
AMY
Sure, Norville, sure...

She gives him a peck. They look at each other.
AMY
... Oh, Norville!

She embraces him. They kiss again.
Norville's eyes widen.


46 VIC TENETTA 46
Crooning the end of his song.

DANCING COUPLES

Turn to the bandstand and applaud.

48 NORVILLE AND AMY 48

In the midst of a passionate kiss.
FADE OUT.
87.

FADE IN:
49 DOUBLE OAK DOORS 49

Labeled "Executive Conference Room." A secretary is
hanging up a sign that reads: "Quiet Please! Board
Meeting in Session."
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Amy notices Norville's black eye and offers to help, expressing her belief in him. Norville reveals his struggles as president and reminisces about the past. They share a passionate kiss, symbolizing hope for the future amidst the pressures of the city.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Philosophical dialogue
  • Character vulnerability
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of introspection and emotional depth through the dialogue and interactions between Norville and Amy. The themes of karma and reflection add layers to the characters and their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring past lives, karma, and emotional connection is well-developed in the scene. It adds depth to the characters and enhances the overall theme of the screenplay.

Plot: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it provides important character development and emotional depth. It sets the stage for potential future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh ideas and unique character dynamics, such as the protagonist's philosophical musings and the unexpected revelation about the character's true identity. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Norville and Amy are portrayed with complexity and vulnerability in this scene. Their emotional connection and introspective dialogue make them relatable and engaging for the audience.

Character Changes: 7

Both Norville and Amy experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene. Their connection deepens, and they reflect on their past and present selves.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove himself to his investors and gain their confidence. This reflects his need for validation, acceptance, and success in his new role as president.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prepare for a big presentation to the board and show that he deserves their confidence. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene focuses more on emotional connection and introspection rather than external conflict. The conflict is internal and emotional, adding depth to the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal doubts, external challenges, and philosophical conflicts. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters' relationships and decisions will unfold.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and internal, focusing on the characters' vulnerability and emotional connection. The outcome of their interaction has personal significance for Norville and Amy.

Story Forward: 5

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it sets the stage for potential future developments and conflicts. It focuses more on character development and emotional depth.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and revelations. The philosophical discussions add a layer of complexity and intrigue to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of karma and the concept of deserving what one gets. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about success, luck, and fate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the vulnerability and emotional depth of the characters. The themes of karma and reflection evoke a sense of nostalgia and introspection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is introspective, philosophical, and emotionally resonant. It reveals the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters, deepening their relationship and adding layers to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and philosophical depth. The characters are relatable and the dialogue is witty, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and introspective moments. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its emotional impact and thematic resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions are vivid and engaging, enhancing the reader's experience.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and dialogue flow smoothly, maintaining the audience's interest.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or direction, jumping between various topics and conversations without a cohesive thread.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, with characters discussing abstract concepts like karma and past lives in a way that doesn't feel authentic or relevant to the story.
  • The scene is overly verbose and meandering, with characters going off on tangents that don't contribute to the overall plot or character development.
  • The transition between light-hearted moments and more serious topics like trust and betrayal feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The scene fails to build tension or advance the plot, instead getting bogged down in unnecessary details and conversations.
Suggestions
  • Focus on streamlining the dialogue and keeping it more concise and relevant to the main story arc.
  • Consider cutting out the abstract discussions about past lives and karma, as they detract from the overall tone and pacing of the scene.
  • Introduce more conflict or tension between the characters to drive the scene forward and keep the audience engaged.
  • Clarify the motivations and intentions of the characters, particularly Amy, to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Ensure that each conversation and interaction in the scene serves a purpose in advancing the plot or developing the characters.



Scene 11 -  The Hula Hoop Revolution
50 INT. BOARDROOM - CLOSE ON NORVILLE 50
Chest and up. His upper torso is swaying, his shoulders
rhythmically rolling as he talks. We hear a WHOOSH-
WHOOSH sound from O.S.
NORVILLE
-- So we have economy, simplicity,
low production cost and the
potential for mass appeal, and
all that spells out great
profitability...


CLOSE ON MUSSBURGER
Staring. Holding a just-lighted but forgotten cigar in
one hand, and a still burning match in the other.
NORVILLE (O.S.)
... I had the boys down at R & D
throw together this prototype so
that our discussion here could
have some focus...


BOARD
Staring, mouths hanging open, in arrested motion much
like when Waring Hudsucker jumped out the window at the
previous board meeting.
NORVILLE (O.S.)
... and to give you gentlemen of
the Board a first-hand look at
just how exciting this gizmo is...

WIDER ON NORVILLE

Still gyrating. We now see that he has accelerated the
hula hoop around his waist to quite a good speed.

(CONTINUED)
88.

50 CONTINUED: 50
NORVILLE
... It's fun, it's healthy, it's
good exercise; kids'll just love
it, and we put a little sand
inside to make the whole experience
more pleasant. And the great part
is we won't have to charge an arm
and a leg!
Mussburger's forgotten match has burned down to his
fingertips. With a wince, he shakes it out.

The Board is staring.
ELDERLY EXECUTIVE
Yeah but... What is it?

EXECUTIVE #2
Does it have rules?
EXECUTIVE #3
Can more than one play?
EXECUTIVE #4
(to #3)
What makes you think it's a game?
EXECUTIVE #3
Is it a game?
EXECUTIVE #5
Will it break?
EXECUTIVE #6
It better break eventually!
EXECUTIVE #2
Is there an object?
EXECUTIVE #3
Are you supposed to make it fly
off?
EXECUTIVE #5
Does it come with batteries?

EXECUTIVE #4
Could we charge extra for them?
EXECUTIVE #7
Is it safe for toddlers?

EXECUTIVE #3
How can you tell when you're
done?
(CONTINUED)
89.

50 CONTINUED: (2) 50
EXECUTIVE #2
How do you make it stop?

EXECUTIVE #1
Is that a girl's model or a boy's?

EXECUTIVE #3
Can a parent assemble it??
EXECUTIVE #7
What if you get tired before it's
done?
EXECUTIVE #6
Is there a larger model for the
obese?

EXECUTIVE #4
Can you do it around your neck?
ELDERLY EXECUTIVE
And finally... what is it?
NORVILLE
You know, for kids! It's... it's
... well, it's...
MUSSBURGER
It's brilliant.
The Board looks at Mussburger.
MUSSBURGER
... It's genius. It's just exactly
what Hudsucker needs at this
juncture. Sure, sure, a blind man
could tell you that there's an
enormous demand for this, uh...
He smiles weakly at Norville.

MUSSBURGER
... Congratulations, kid, you've
really outdone yourself.
Reinvented the wheel. I'm going
to recommend to the Board that we
proceed immediately with this,
uh... with the, uh... that the
dingus be mass-produced with all
deliberate speed. Of course, as
president of the company the
ultimate decision is yours.
NORVILLE
Well... I'm for it...
(CONTINUED)
90.

50 CONTINUED: (3) 50
As furiously BUSY MUSIC STARTS:

CUT TO:

51 TELETYPE 51

Furiously PRINTING out "EXECUTIVE DIRECTIVE #37451-JL7.
A hand ENTERS FRAME and rips the directive from the tele-
type, then hurriedly rolls it into a cylinder and slips
it into a cylindrical metal capsule.

The capsule is popped into a pneumatic tube.

52 ANGLE - LENGTH OF PNEUMATIC PIPING 52

somewhere in the labyrinthine substructure of the Hud-
sucker Building. We hear a MISSILE furiously HURTLING
towards us, inside the pipe, and ROCKETING by.

ANGLE ON ANOTHER LENGTH OF PIPING

Once again we hear the CAPSULE APPROACH and ROCKET past.

53 BLINDING RED LIGHTS 53

as a SIREN BLARES. On a huge board that says HUDSUCKER
DESIGN DEPARTMENT, flashing red letters announce:
INCOMING DIRECTIVE!
The pneumatic tube spout shoots out a cylinder, and a
hand eagerly picks it up and yanks it OUT OF FRAME.
A technician in white laboratory smock is reading the
directive as several other white-jacketed technicians
crowd their heads around his shoulders, also reading.
All of their eye and head motions synchronize as they
eagerly read, devouring the document line by line.

A large sheet of graph paper is whipped down on top of
a drafting table. Under the caption OVERHEAD ANGLE is
a perfect circle. Under the caption HORIZONTAL is a
horizontal line. Under the caption VERTICAL SIDE ANGLE
is a vertical line.
(CONTINUED)
91.

53 CONTINUED: 53
EXTREME LOW ANGLE - SEVERAL TECHNICIANS

looking thoughtfully down at the rendering. The head
technician is stroking his beard and nodding.
CUT TO:


RENDERING
as a hand ENTERS FRAME and stamps the drawing approved.

CUT TO:

52 TWO MORE LENGTHS OF PNEUMATIC PIPE 52

as we hear the CYLINDER ROCKETING by.
SWISH PAN TO:

54 FROSTED DOUBLE GLASS DOORS 54

Lettered on the frosted glass is: "ADVERTISING
DEPARTMENT Creative Bullpen." In sharp silhouette on the
frosted glass we can see the three admen working inside.
Two pace back and forth, smoking cigarettes, as they toss
out ideas. The third sits slumped in front of a
silhouette typewriter, his head resting on one hand, his
other hand resting on a half-empty bottle of whiskey.
In the f.g., outside the frosted glass and so not in
silhouette, sits a bored secretary reading War and Peace,
Volume One.
AD MAN #1 (O.S.)
We'll call it the Flying Donut!
AD MAN #2 (O.S.)
The Dancing Dingus!

AD MAN #1 (O.S.)
The Jerky Circle!

SWISH PAN TO:

52 PNEUMATIC PIPING 52

With the cylinder rocketing by.

SWISH PAN TO:
92.

55 "ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT" WALL PLAQUE 55
CUT TO:


HUGE POSTER
Up on the wall of the accounting floor is an enormous
reproduction of the design department's rendering of the
hula hoop. Over the poster is an enormous banner: "WHAT
WILL THIS COST?"
PAN FROM the poster TO a HIGH ANGLE SHOT of a floor full
of accountants sitting at their rows and rows of desks;
all are looking up at the wall poster as they operate
their manual adding machines to the same beat.

All accountants wear identical vests, shirtsleeves, gar-
ters, visors and spectacles.
The head accountant stands in front of the room oversee-
ing their efforts. He wears a full three-piece suit, a
visor and a pince-nez.
CUT TO:


HUGE BOOK
Being dropped onto a desk. Its cover reads: SUMMARY OF
COST ANALYSIS.
The book is opened and its pages, filled with rows of
numbers, are flipped to the last page where we QUICKLY
PAN DOWN TO the bottom line: Unit Cost... $0.59
Suggested Retail... $0.79
CUT TO:


EXECUTIVE
Looking down at the book as the head accountant hovers
over his shoulder, waiting for his reaction.
The executive grimly shakes his head.


BACK TO BOOK
As the accountant's hand ENTERS FRAME to scratch in "$1"
in front of the suggested retail of $0.79.

A hand ENTERS FRAME to stamp the bottom line: APPROVED.
CUT TO:
93.

52 ROCKETING PNEUMATIC PIPES 52
CUT TO:


56 ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT CREATIVE BULLPEN 56
The secretary in the f.g. is now reading War and Peace,
Volume Two.

AD MAN #1 (O.S.)
Something short.

AD MAN #2 (O.S.)
Sharp.
AD MAN #1 (O.S.)
Snappy.

AD MAN #2 (O.S.)
With a little jazz.
AD MAN #1 (O.S.)
The Shazzammeter!
AD MAN #2 (O.S.)
The Hipster!
Drawing a circle in the air:
AD MAN #1 (O.S.)
The Daddy-Oh!
AD MAN #2 (O.S.)
The Circle-o'-Gaiety!

CUT TO:


52 ROCKETING PIPES 52
CUT TO:


57 MEN 57
in asbestos suits throwing down their visors as they
scurry and dive for cover behind banks of sandbags. A
fierce EXPLOSION harshly illuminates the sandbags. As
the EXPLOSION SUBSIDES:
The workmen cautiously peek out over the sandbags, then
flip back their visors and rise to their feet.

(CONTINUED)
94.

57 CONTINUED: 57
THEIR POV

Bouncing among the flaming debris of the explosion is
a hula hoop, still intact.
CUT TO:


52 ROCKETING PIPES 52
CUT TO:

58 ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT CREATIVE BULLPEN 58

The secretary in the f.g. is now reading Anna Karenina.
The silhouetted ad men, frustrated and hoarse, are still
at it.
AD MAN #1 (O.S.)
The Hoopsucker!
AD MAN #2 (O.S.)
The Hudswinger!
AD MAN #1 (O.S.)
The Hoop-dee-doo!
AD MAN #2 (O.S.)
The Hudsucker Hoop!
The third ad man, slouched motionless at the typewriter
up until now, finally raises his head.

AD MAN #3 (O.S.)
Fellas. Fellas!

AD MAN #1 (O.S.)
Ya got somethin'?
AD MAN #2 (O.S.)
Ya got somethin'?!
AD MAN #3 (O.S.)
Fellas! I got somethin'!

CUT TO:

59 PIECE OF ART PAPER 59

Printed at the top:
Hudsucker Industries Proudly Presents

(CONTINUED)
95.

59 CONTINUED: 59
PAN DOWN to reveal:

THE HULA HOOP
PAN DOWN to reveal:

An artist's hand working in fast motion to render the
hula hoop logo: A grinning, healthy 1950s boy with a
spray of freckles, one fist thrown forward, the other
behind, as if doing an athletic frug, a hula hoop
spinning with action lines around his waist.

In seconds the artist has completed the logo and now,
also in fast motion, he writes the slogan on either side
of the boy: "You know... For Kids!"

As the page is ripped off the art pad:
MATCH CUT TO:


60 PAGE 60
being carried away in a continuous motion by an engineer
who looks at it, nodding. We see that we are now in an
enormous plant area. The engineer, grimy from his labors
in this sweaty industrial realm, reaches up to pull an
enormous lever.

CUT TO:

MACHINES

GRINDING into motion.
CUT TO:

DONUT SPOUT

As it begins to spit hula hoops in massive numbers.
The hoops are spit onto a long metal arm where they rest,
hanging.

A bale of hula hoops is loaded into a Hudsucker truck to
complete its load. The truck door is slammed shut.

61 IRON GRILL 61

is thrown up to reveal the display window of a shop just
opening for the day.

(CONTINUED)
96.

61 CONTINUED: 61
In the window is an enormous hula hoop display, with
various hoops strung up on wire in front of a large
cardboard diorama -- "You know... for Kids!"
Reflected in the display window we see crowds of people
scurrying by, indifferent to the display. Inside the
shop we see the proprietor by the cash register, his chin
propped glumly in his hands.
Genres: ["Comedy","Satire","Drama"]

Summary Norville presents his invention, the hula hoop, to Hudsucker Industries Board of Directors. Initially hesitant, they become enthusiastic with Mussburger's approval. The scene transitions to a montage of departments diligently developing, marketing, and manufacturing the hula hoop. It concludes with the hula hoop displayed in a shop window, met with indifference from the proprietor.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Witty dialogue
  • Satirical commentary
  • Fast-paced humor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Minimal character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly entertaining, with a unique and engaging concept, witty dialogue, and a blend of comedy and satire that keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of inventing a hula hoop in a corporate environment is original and clever, leading to humorous and chaotic situations. It satirizes corporate decision-making and bureaucracy effectively.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the introduction of the hula hoop invention and the reactions of the characters, leading to comedic misunderstandings and chaos.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on corporate culture and product development, with a focus on humor and satire. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and each contributes to the humor and satire of the scene. Norville's enthusiasm and the Board's confusion add depth to the comedic elements.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character development in this scene, as the focus is on humor and satire rather than deep personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to impress the Board with his new product idea and gain their approval. This reflects his desire for recognition, validation, and success in the corporate world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to get the Board's approval to proceed with mass production of the new product. This reflects the immediate challenge of convincing the executives of the product's potential and profitability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict arises from the misunderstandings and chaos caused by the introduction of the hula hoop invention in a corporate setting.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Board members questioning and challenging the protagonist's product idea. Their skepticism adds tension and conflict to the scene.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not extremely high in terms of personal danger, the importance of the hula hoop invention to the company's future adds a layer of tension and chaos.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant invention and showcasing the reactions of the characters, setting up further comedic and chaotic developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and questions from the Board members, adding a layer of uncertainty and humor to the protagonist's presentation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between innovation and tradition, as the executives question the new product's purpose and value. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the product's potential and the need for change in the company.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

The scene focuses more on humor and satire than emotional depth, providing entertainment through its comedic elements.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is fast-paced, witty, and filled with humorous exchanges between the characters. It drives the scene forward and enhances the comedic elements.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, fast-paced action, and humorous interactions between characters. The tension and humor keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. It maintains a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and interested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, character cues, and action descriptions. It adheres to the expected format for a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a boardroom presentation, with clear dialogue, character interactions, and visual descriptions. It effectively builds tension and humor.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with Norville enthusiastically presenting his invention, the hula hoop, to the Board of Directors. However, the reactions of the Board members are confusing and disjointed, which may not effectively convey the impact of Norville's invention.
  • The dialogue between the Board members lacks coherence and direction, with each member asking random questions about the hula hoop without a clear focus or purpose.
  • The transition between different departments and their reactions to the hula hoop feels disjointed and abrupt, making it difficult for the audience to follow the progression of the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or character development, as the focus is primarily on the invention itself rather than the impact it has on Norville or the company.
  • The rapid pace of the scene, with multiple quick cuts between different locations and characters, may be overwhelming for the audience and detract from the overall impact of the hula hoop invention.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the dialogue of the Board members to focus on key questions that highlight the potential of the hula hoop and create a more cohesive reaction from the group.
  • Introduce moments of tension or conflict within the scene to add depth and engage the audience emotionally.
  • Provide more context or background information on the significance of the hula hoop invention and its impact on the company to help the audience understand its importance.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for more character development and emotional resonance, giving the audience time to connect with Norville and the Board members.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a clearer narrative flow and build towards a more impactful conclusion that highlights the success of the hula hoop invention.



Scene 12 -  A Negative Verdict
62 INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE 62

Norville sits anxiously awaiting the verdict of Amy who
sits hunched over the ticker-tape machine, studying the
emerging tape. Amy finally looks up at Norville and
sadly shakes her head.


61 BACK TO SHOP WINDOW 61
Crowds still scurry indifferently by. The shopkeeper
stands idly in his doorway, smoking a cigarette.
We TRACK IN ON the cardboard display. The displayed
price of $1.79 has been crossed out. Underneath it,
inked in: "Reduced: $1.59."
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Norville anxiously awaits Amy's verdict, who studies a ticker-tape machine and sadly shakes her head, indicating a negative outcome. The scene cuts to a shop window display where the price of a cardboard diorama is reduced, while the shopkeeper stands idly by, smoking a cigarette.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of comedy and drama
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Innovative concept of hula hoop invention
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of comedy and drama, with a mix of tones and sentiments that keep the audience engaged. The introduction of the hula hoop invention adds a unique and intriguing aspect to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of presenting a new invention to the Board of Directors and showcasing the reaction of the crowd adds depth to the storyline and highlights the entrepreneurial spirit of the characters.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Norville presents his invention and faces the reactions of the Board and the crowd. The scene sets up potential conflicts and developments for future events.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a common office setting but adds a unique twist with the ticker-tape machine and the contrasting indifference of the crowds outside.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Norville and Amy show vulnerability, determination, and empathy in this scene, adding layers to their characters and making them more relatable to the audience.

Character Changes: 6

Both Norville and Amy show subtle changes in their demeanor and outlook, hinting at potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Norville's internal goal is likely to receive positive news or approval from Amy, as indicated by his anxious demeanor. This reflects his desire for validation and success.

External Goal: 7

Norville's external goal is to receive a positive verdict or outcome from Amy regarding a certain matter, possibly related to work or a project.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily in the form of internal struggles and external challenges faced by the characters.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the uncertainty of Amy's verdict providing a challenge for Norville.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the presentation of the hula hoop invention represents a significant moment for Norville and the future of Hudsucker Industries.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new element (the hula hoop invention) and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat unpredictable as the outcome of Amy's verdict is uncertain.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a potential philosophical conflict between Norville's desire for success and validation, and the indifferent crowds outside the shop window, symbolizing the harsh reality of the world outside his office.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The emotional impact of the scene is driven by the vulnerability and determination displayed by Norville and Amy, creating a connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters, especially in the interaction between Norville and Amy during the presentation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the suspenseful atmosphere and the anticipation of the verdict from Amy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a typical structure for a dramatic moment, building tension and anticipation effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or payoff for the tension built up between Norville and Amy. The audience is left hanging without a satisfying conclusion to their interaction.
  • The shop window display with the reduced price of the cardboard diorama feels disconnected from the main storyline involving Norville and Amy. It doesn't add much to the overall narrative or character development.
  • The visual of the shopkeeper standing idly by, smoking a cigarette, doesn't contribute much to the scene and feels like a filler detail.
  • The lack of dialogue or interaction between Norville and Amy in this scene leaves their relationship and dynamic stagnant, missing an opportunity for character development.
  • The scene could benefit from more emotional depth and meaningful interaction between Norville and Amy to engage the audience and further the plot.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a meaningful conversation or confrontation between Norville and Amy to provide closure or progression in their relationship.
  • Integrate the shop window display more effectively into the main storyline to ensure it contributes to the overall narrative.
  • Explore ways to make the shopkeeper's presence more relevant or impactful to the scene to avoid it feeling like a filler detail.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by adding dialogue or actions that deepen the connection between Norville and Amy, providing more insight into their characters.
  • Consider revising the scene to have a clearer resolution or development that moves the plot forward and engages the audience.



Scene 13 -  The Decreasing Price
62 INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE 62
Norville is nervously pacing. Amy still studies the
ticker-tape. Once again she is forced to shake her head
sadly.


61 BACK TO SHOP'S PRICE DISPLAY 61

The old $1.59 is suddenly covered as the hand ENTERS
FRAME to slap on a sticker: $1.49. A beat. The hand
ENTERS FRAME to slap on a new sticker: $1.29. Then in
rapid-fire succession: $0.99. $0.79. $0.49. Two for
$0.25. Free with any purchase.

63 ALLEY BEHIND SHOP 63

where garbage and garbage cans sit waiting for
collection:
Hands appear at the back door of a shop hurling a clutch
of hoops towards the trash heap. One errant hoop rolls
towards the mouth of the alley.
The mouth of the alley. The escaped hula hoop emerges
and starts rolling down the street.
97.

A63 HULA HOOP A63
It rolls across the street. CARS VIOLENTLY BRAKE to
avoid it.

It rounds a corner and rolls up to a little boy, rolls in
a circle around him, and finally wobbles to the pavement.
The little boy looks at it, steps inside it, raises it to
his hips and starts hula hooping. Somewhere a BELL is
RINGING.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Norville anxiously paces as Amy reviews data. Product prices plummet in a shop window, and discarded hoops roll into the street. A boy finds a hoop and begins hula hooping. Cars brake to avoid the hoop as a bell rings in the distance.
Strengths
  • Unique concept with the hula hoop
  • Engaging plot twists
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Emotional impact could be stronger
  • Character development could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines comedy, drama, and satire to create an engaging and thought-provoking narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the hula hoop as a symbol of success and failure is unique and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot is engaging and filled with unexpected developments, keeping the audience intrigued.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to depicting economic struggles by incorporating moments of playfulness and innocence. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 6

There is some character development, particularly in Norville and Amy, but it could be more pronounced.

Internal Goal: 8

Norville's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the economic challenges and uncertainties he is facing. This reflects his deeper fear of failure and his desire to succeed in a difficult situation.

External Goal: 7

Norville's external goal is to make a decision about pricing in his shop that will attract customers and improve sales. This reflects the immediate challenge of staying afloat in a tough economic climate.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present in the scene, adding tension and driving the story forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and keep the audience engaged, but not overwhelming to the point of predictability.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high, particularly for Norville and Amy as they navigate the corporate world and personal ambitions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it combines moments of tension and playfulness, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the value of material success and the value of simplicity and playfulness. Norville is faced with the pressure to lower prices and increase sales, while the hula hoop scene represents a moment of joy and innocence amidst hardship.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a range of emotions from hope to disillusionment, but could have a stronger emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and helps to establish the tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it balances tension and humor, keeping the audience invested in Norville's decision-making process and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively transitioning between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Norville anxiously pacing to the shop's price display, which may be disorienting for the audience.
  • The rapid decrease in price of the product in the shop window is a bit on-the-nose and lacks subtlety in conveying the message of failure and rejection.
  • The imagery of the hula hoops being thrown towards the trash heap and one rolling out onto the street is a bit cliched and could be more creatively executed.
  • The scene lacks emotional depth and fails to fully capture the impact of Norville and Amy's disappointment.
  • The use of a bell ringing somewhere in the distance as the hula hoop is picked up by a young boy feels contrived and melodramatic.
Suggestions
  • Consider a smoother transition between Norville pacing and the shop's price display to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Instead of a rapid decrease in price, consider a more nuanced approach to convey the rejection of Norville's invention.
  • Explore more creative and original ways to depict the rejection of the hula hoops, avoiding cliched imagery.
  • Focus on enhancing the emotional depth of the scene to better convey Norville and Amy's disappointment.
  • Reconsider the use of the bell ringing as a dramatic device and aim for a more subtle and authentic conclusion to the scene.



Scene 14 -  Hoopla Over Hula Hoops
B63 INT. NEARBY SCHOOLHOUSE B63

where the BELL is RINGING, the front doors fly open and
hundreds of schoolchildren run out, screaming, heading
home, but all in a dense pack.

The screaming pack of schoolchildren round a corner and
-- stop short, their screams abruptly halting.
They are staring, fascinated, at the hula-hooping
youngster.
The children are dumbfounded. It is a moment the likes
of which they have never dreamed.
CUT TO:


SCREAMING PACK
once again running, maniacal, possessed. We don't know
where they are running, but we can guess.
CUT TO:


64 STORE 64

Jam-packed with screaming children, grabbing hula hoops
off the shelves.


62 BACK TO NORVILLE'S OFFICE 62
Norville sits slumped behind his desk, his head resting
on the desktop, utterly dejected.

Suddenly the TICKER-TAPE HUMS to life and starts spitting
tape. Amy looks at it with mounting excitement. Finally
she looks breathlessly up:

AMY
... Norville!
(CONTINUED)
98.

62 CONTINUED: 62
Norville lifts his head from the desktop. A piece of
scrap paper is sticking to his cheek. Dramatic FANFARE
MUSIC STARTS TO SWELL.
We HOLD ON Norville's expectant face. We HOLD. The
MUSIC BUILDS. We HOLD. We:

CUT TO:

65 NEWSREEL TITLE 65

We can see the "Tidbits of Time" logo as a solemn-voiced
announcer intones:

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Rockwell News presents... 'Tidbits
of Time!' World news in pictures,
we kid you not.


66 ANOTHER ANGLE 66
Picture dissolves to a pan up the Hudsucker Building.
Cut to candid film of Norville getting out of a car,
noticing the camera, grinning and waving as he walks, and
taking a pratfall.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
... What began as the brainchild
of this Madison Avenue whiz kid is
now a craze sweeping the nation.
The 'hula hoop,' product of
Hudsucker Industries, is a
recreational device that some
experts predict may eclipse the
television as a means of
entertainment...

67 ANOTHER ANGLE 67

A television sits against a neutral b.g. A hula hoop
rolls into frame and bumps the TV, pushing it out of
frame.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
... This dancing dingus of
delight, this jerky circle of
gaiety, is proving to be the toy
of choice of most American
youngsters. -- Whoa-ho! Did I
say youngsters?! Here's mom,
taking a break from her household
chores...
99.

68 ANOTHER ANGLE 68
A woman switches off her vacuum cleaner, takes a hula
hoop that is conveniently leaning against a nearby wall,
and starts hula hooping.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
... and even dad is 'swinging'
into the act!

69 ANOTHER ANGLE 69

In the office, dad, smoking a pipe, is also hula hooping.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
... and so the congratulations
pour in for up-and-comer Norville
Barnes, inventor of the hoop --
including one very special call!

70 ANOTHER ANGLE 70
In jerky cinema-verite footage, a woman is excitedly
sticking her head in Norville's door.
WOMAN (V.O.)
He's on! He's on the line!
Swish over to Norville, agog, who picks up his phone and,
voice breaking:
NORVILLE (V.O.)
... Hello?

CRACKLING VOICE (V.O.)
Hello, Norville. This is the
President...

A half-wipe leaves a split screen with half of the screen
remaining Norville, the other half becoming a still of
Ike standing in a tank turret, pointing commandingly.
Under the photo: VOICE OF GENERAL DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER.
NORVILLE (V.O.)
Oh my God, sir!

IKE (V.O.)
... I just wanted to congratulate
you. I'm very proud of you,
Norville...

NORVILLE (V.O.)
Oh my God, sir!
(CONTINUED)
100.

70 CONTINUED: 70
IKE (V.O.)
... Mrs. Eisenhower is very proud
of you. The American people are
very proud of you.
FLASH BULB EXPLOSION EFFECTS A...

CUT TO:

71 NORVILLE 71

Facing a battery of REPORTERS at a news conference.
REPORTER #1
Mr. Barnes, how'd ya come up with
the idea for the hula hoop?
Norville is holding one hand up to shield his eyes from
the unaccustomed light. Amy stands next to him, beaming.
NORVILLE
Well, it was no great idea,
really. A thing like this, it
takes a whole company to put it
together, and I'm just grateful
for the opportunity --
REPORTER #2
Mr. Barnes, did you have any idea
there'd be such a huge response?
NORVILLE
Well, frankly, I don't think
anybody expected this much
hoopla --

He is surprised by a burst of laughter.
REPORTER #3
'Hoopla on the hula hoop' -- can
we quote you on that, Mr. Barnes?
NORVILLE
Well sure, I guess --

REPORTER #4
Mr. Barnes, are you thinking of
giving yourself a nice fat raise?

NORVILLE
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Come on, guys...
FLASH BULB EXPLOSION EFFECTS A...

CUT TO:
101.

72 NEWSREEL 72
A scientist with a Van Dyke beard, wearing a laboratory
smock, is facing the camera. Behind him we see other
scientists studying a hoop that has been hooked up to a
gyroscopic-looking device that analyzes its various
movements and properties.

NEWSREEL ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
What scientific principle explains
the mind-bending motion of this
whipping wheel of wonder?

A title supered over the Scientist's chest identifies
him as Professor Erwin Schweide.
SCIENTIST (V.O.)
Ze dinkus is kvite zimple, really.
It operates on ze same principle
zat keeps ze earth spinning 'round
ze sun, and zat keeps you from
flying off ze earth into ze coldest
reaches of outer space vere you
vood die like a miserable shvine!
Yes, ze principle is ze same,
except for ze piece of grrrit zey
put in to make ze whole experience
more pleasant --
TRACKING IN TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Children flock to buy hula hoops after witnessing a mesmerizing performance, propelling Norville Barnes' invention to unprecedented success. President Eisenhower extends congratulations, and Barnes fields inquiries from reporters eager to understand the scientific principles behind the hula hoop's captivating movement.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Witty dialogue
  • Whimsical tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Low emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and satire to showcase the unexpected success of the hula hoop invention.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a simple invention leading to massive popularity is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the invention of the hula hoop and its rapid rise to popularity, keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the theme of success and fame, using exaggerated and absurd situations to explore the consequences of sudden recognition. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Norville and Amy, play key roles in driving the plot forward and adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character development or change in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Norville's internal goal in this scene is to find validation and recognition for his invention, the hula hoop. He seeks approval and acknowledgment for his work, reflecting his need for success and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Norville's external goal is to navigate the sudden success and attention brought on by the hula hoop craze. He must handle the media attention, public scrutiny, and demands of his newfound fame.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is some conflict in the scene, it is overshadowed by the positive and whimsical tone of the hula hoop's success.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the challenges Norville faces in dealing with the media, public expectations, and his own insecurities. The audience is left wondering how he will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 4

While there is some pressure on Norville to succeed, the stakes are not extremely high in this scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing the rapid success of the hula hoop invention.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its portrayal of Norville's unexpected success and the chaotic aftermath of the hula hoop craze. The audience is kept on their toes by the sudden twists and turns in the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the nature of success and fame. Norville must grapple with the implications of his invention becoming a national craze and the impact it has on his personal life and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of hope, excitement, and amusement, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and helps to establish the personalities of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced and dynamic nature, with a mix of humor, drama, and suspense keeping the audience invested in Norville's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and excitement, with a mix of fast-paced action and slower character moments creating a dynamic rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively transitions between different locations and characters, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The transition from the schoolchildren being fascinated by the hula-hooping youngster to the store being jam-packed with screaming children grabbing hula hoops feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
  • Norville's sudden shift from being utterly dejected to the ticker-tape humming to life and spitting out tape could use a bit more build-up or explanation for the sudden change in mood.
  • The newsreel sequence showcasing the success of the hula hoop invention feels a bit disjointed with the various angles and scenes being shown. It could benefit from a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • The news conference scene with Norville facing reporters could be more dynamic and engaging. The dialogue feels a bit flat and could use more depth and character development.
  • The scientist explaining the scientific principle behind the hula hoop could be more engaging and visually interesting. The dialogue feels a bit forced and could be more natural.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the schoolchildren's fascination and the store being jam-packed with children grabbing hula hoops to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Provide more context or build-up to Norville's sudden change in mood when the ticker-tape starts spitting out tape to make the transition more believable.
  • Try to create a more cohesive and engaging narrative flow in the newsreel sequence showcasing the success of the hula hoop invention by connecting the various scenes more effectively.
  • Enhance the dialogue in the news conference scene by adding depth to Norville's responses and making the interaction with reporters more dynamic and character-driven.
  • Revise the scientist's explanation of the scientific principle behind the hula hoop to make it more engaging, natural, and visually interesting for the audience.



Scene 15 -  Norville's Diagnosis
73 INT. NORVILLE'S OFFICE 73
The mean laugh. Norville, behind his desk in LONG SHOT,
laughing, as we begin to TRACK IN. There is something
disconcerting about his laugh -- it is harder, more
businesslike, colder than the dopey laugh that accom-
panied his elevation to the presidency. Or perhaps it
is only our imagination, for while still some distance
away from him:
FLASH BULB EXPLOSION EFFECTS A...

CUT BACK TO:

74 NEWS CONFERENCE 74

Newsmen follow Norville as he walks through the lobby of
the Hudsucker Building.

REPORTER #1
Mr. Barnes, did the board consider
you an 'idea man' when they
promoted you from the mail room?

(CONTINUED)
102.

74 CONTINUED: 74
NORVILLE
Well, I guess so -- I don't think
they promoted me because they
thought I was a jerk.
REPORTER #2
Mr. Barnes, what's the next big
idea for you and Hudsucker
Industries?
NORVILLE
Jeez, I don't know. An idea like
this sweet baby doesn't just come
overnight...

REPORTER
Mr. Barnes, are you --
NORVILLE
-- Although I'll tell you one
thing: I certainly didn't expect
all this 'hoopla'!
This TIRED old joke brings some polite laughter.
Norville is smiling as he enters the elevator. As its
doors start to close, leaving Amy behind:
NORVILLE
... And you can quote me on that!
FLASH BULB EXPLOSION EFFECTS A...
CUT BACK TO:


NEWSREEL

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Yes, it's hula hula everywhere!
From the cocktail parties of the
Park Avenue smart set...

75 ANOTHER ANGLE 75

A group of people in formal evening wear are sipping
highballs and chatting as they keep hoops in motion
'round their waists.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
... to sweethearts who want to be
married in the 'swing' of things...
103.

76 ANOTHER ANGLE 76
A young couple stands before the altar hula hooping.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
... To our friend the Negro, in
the heart of the dark continent.


77 ANOTHER ANGLE 77
Pan down from elephant to two natives hula hooping
as they grin into the newsreel camera.

TRACKING IN ON:

73 ANOTHER ANGLE 73

The mean laugh. Yes, as we draw closer, it seems clear
that his laugh is colder than before.
FLASH BULB EXPLOSION EFFECTS A...
CUT TO:


78 NORVILLE 78
Sitting in a barber chair, face lathered up, as Reporters
crowd in.
REPORTER #1
Mr. Barnes, Mr. Barnes, Rumpus
magazine has called you the most
eligible bachelor of the year, and
the society pages have been
linking you with high-fashion
model Za-Za. Would you care to
comment?
A burning cigar emerges from the lather around Norville's
face. It waggles as he talks.

NORVILLE
There's no truth to the rumors;
we're just dear friends...

He looks to one side.
NORVILLE
... Isn't that right, Za-Za?

SWISH PAN TO:
ZA-ZA. Standing nearby. Every man's dream, in a tarty
sort of way.
(CONTINUED)
104.

78 CONTINUED: 78
ZA-ZA
(sexily)
Gr-r-r-r-r-r-r-oww!
The newsmen react.

REPORTER #2
Ho-leeee!
REPORTER #3
Mr. Barnes, whither Hudsucker?
Whither Norville Barnes?
REPORTER #4
How do you respond to the charges
that you're out of ideas? Has
Norville Barnes run dry?
The barber is periodically pinching Norville's nose to
shave under it; as he alternately pinches and releases,
Norville's voice breaks from nasal to normal and back.
NORVILLE
Not at all. Why, just this week
I came up with several new sweet
ideas. A larger model hula hoop
for the portly. A battery option
for the lazy and handicapped. A
model with more sand for hard-of-
hearing. I'm earning my keep.
REPORTER #5
Speaking of that, Mr. Barnes, do
you expect to get a raise?
NORVILLE
Well, by anyone's account I've
saved Hudsucker Industries; our
stock is worth more than it's
ever been. So, yes, I expect to
be compensated for that.

END TRACK IN ON:

73 ANOTHER ANGLE 73

The mean laugh. FURTHER TRACK IN ON Norville ENDS in
CLOSE SHOT, his hands clasped on the desktop in front of
him, as he finishes his hard, square-jawed, man-on-top
laugh, gazing flintily INTO the CAMERA.

NORVILLE
-- ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

PULL BACK FROM:
105.

79 WEEPING EXECUTIVE 79
The PULL BACK FROM a blubbering executive REVEALS that we
are at a Board meeting. All of the Board members sit
around the table except for Mussburger, who, a towel
around his waist, is receiving a choppity-chop massage
on a padded table from a muscular man in a bulging
T-shirt.

MUSSBURGER
Pull yourself together, Addison.
Addison snuffles.

ADDISON
Nobody told me! Nobody told me!
You sold all of our stock?

MUSSBURGER
We dumped the whole load. Now
quit showboating, Addison --
ADDISON
I had twenty thousand shares! I'd
be a millionaire now!

MUSSBURGER
Sure, sure, we'd all be
millionaires. There's no point
in looking back. At the time,
Stilson thought dumping our
position would panic the market,
further depress the stock -- then
we'd buy it all back, and more of
course, once it got cheap --

ADDISON
Cheap! Cheap! It's never been
more valuable! And I'm ruined!
Ruined!
He climbs up onto the board table.

ADDISON
I'm getting off this merry-go-
round!

EXECUTIVE
Addison!
ANOTHER EXECUTIVE
Myron!

ADDISON
Aaaaahhh!
(CONTINUED)
106.

79 CONTINUED: 79
He runs down the length of the table and hurls
himself toward the window and:

Thwok!
CUT TO:


MUSSBURGER'S OFFICE - ANGLE FROM OUTSIDE
LOOKING IN, as Addison flattens against the f.g. glass,
his face squushing, his outflung hands likewise.
All stare in horror for a long silent beat.

With the sound of a SQUEEGEE being drawn across glass,
Addison, still frozen, slides down the window, hits the
floor, and falls stiffly back like a fallen tree.
Mussburger sits up and sticks a cigar into his mouth.
MUSSBURGER
Plexiglas. Had it installed last
week.
EXECUTIVE
... Myron?
MUSSBURGER
All right, so the kid caught a
wave. So right now he and his
dingus are on top. Well, this too
shall pass. Myrtle J. Mussburger
didn't raise her boy to go knock-
kneed at the first sign of
adversity. I say, we made this
kid and we can break him. I say,
the higher he climbs, the harder
he drops. I say, yes, the kid has
a future, and in it I see shame,
dishonor, ignominy and disgrace.
Sure, sure, the wheel turns, the
music plays, and our spin ain't
over yet.


80 NORVILLE'S OFFICE 80
A small chamber orchestra, the musicians in tails, sit
playing "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik". Norville, eyes closed,
reclines in his desk chair, one uniformed woman stooping
in front of him, manicuring his nails, another, behind,
massaging his temples. A tailor is pinning up his pant
cuffs.

(CONTINUED)
107.

80 CONTINUED: 80
A French sculptor wearing a white smock, a beret, and
a goatee squints at Norville and chisels at a block of
marble with a stone chisel and hammer.
A GOON sits off to one side, hat insolently atop his
head, reading the funny papers.

At length Norville stirs, opens his eyes, sits bolt
upright, batting away the hands of the manicurist and
temple-massager.

NORVILLE
Hold it!...
The musicians' playing dribbles away to silence.

NORVILLE
... Nobody move, nobody breathe...
All sit frozen. You could hear a pin drop.
NORVILLE
... An idea... is coming...

Eyes narrowed, he gazes off into space, squinting for
his idea.


CLOSE ON TAILOR'S KIT
A straight pin is rolling across the top -- it drops
off --


EXTREME CLOSE ON FLOOR
Where the PIN -- PING! -- hits.

NORVILLE

Deflates. He glares at the tailor.
NORVILLE
It's gone now.

The musicians resume playing. Everyone else resumes
work. The INTERCOM BUZZES and a female voice announces:
FEMALE (V.O.)
Miss Amy here to see you.

Norville leans forward to hit his intercom.
(CONTINUED)
108.

80 CONTINUED: (2) 80
NORVILLE
Is she in the book? --

The door bursts open and Amy storms in.
AMY
For Pete's sake, Norville!

NORVILLE
Oh! Hello, Amy -- was it -- I
thought she said, Mamie --

AMY
Never mind about that...

She shakes a piece of paper at Norville.

AMY
... You know what those nincompoops
in the boardroom are doing?
NORVILLE
Well, I wouldn't call them
nincom --
AMY
They're going to discharge eight
percent of the work force here
at Hudsucker. Why, in New York
alone that means eighteen hundred
people out of work, people with
wives and children and families --
NORVILLE
Well yes, we're pruning away some
of the dead wood, but if --

AMY
You mean you know about this?
NORVILLE
Know about it? You think the
Board would do anything like this
without my authorization? No,
this was my idea from the start.

AMY
Your i --
NORVILLE
We have to be realistic, Amy. You
know things have slowed down a
little here at Hudsucker --
(CONTINUED)
109.

80 CONTINUED: (3) 80
AMY
You're awful kind to yourself,
Norville Barnes -- the fact is
you've slowed down, sitting up
here like a sultan, not doing a
lick of work! Why you know it's
ideas that are the lifeblood of
industry and you haven't come up
with one since the hoop and the
reason's plain to see! You've
forgotten what made your ideas
exciting for you in the first
place -- it wasn't for the fame
and the wealth and the mindless
adulation of -- would you get out
of here?!

This was addressed to the chamber orchestra, whose
playing dribbles off. They look inquisitively at
Norville, then rise to pack up their instruments and
sheepishly leave the office.
AMY
... I've been watching you,
Norville Barnes, even though
you've been trying to avoid me --
NORVILLE
Now, Aim --
AMY
Shutup! -- and don't think I
haven't noticed how you've changed.
I used to think you were a swell
guy -- well, to be honest I thought
you were an imbecile --

NORVILLE
Now, Aim --
AMY
Shutup! -- but then I figured out
you were a swell guy, a little
slow maybe, but a swell guy!
Well, maybe you're not so slow,
but you're not so swell either
and it looks like you're an
imbecile after --
NORVILLE
Now, Aim --

(CONTINUED)
110.

80 CONTINUED: (4) 80
AMY
Shutup! -- after all! You haven't
talked to me for a week and now
I'm going to say my piece. I've
got a prediction for you, Norville
Barnes: I predict that since
you've decided to dedicate
yourself to greed and sloth and
everything bad, you're going to
lose all the good things that
your good ideas brought you.
You're going to throw them all
away chasing after money and
ease and the respect of a Board
that wouldn't give you the time
of day if you... if you...

NORVILLE
Worked in a watch factory?
The Goon looks up from his funnies.
GOON
Huh-huh-huh!
AMY
(to the Goon)
Shutup!
(to Norville)
Exactly! Don't you remember how
you used to feel about the hoop?
You told me you were gonna bring
a smile to the hips of everyone
in America, regardless of race,
creed or color. Finally there'd
be a thingamajig that would bring
everyone together -- even if it
kept 'em apart, spacially -- you
know, for kids? Your words,
Norville, not mine. I used to
love Norville Barnes -- yes, love
him! -- when he was just a swell
kid with hot ideas who was in
over his head, but now your head
is too big to be in over!

NORVILLE
Now, Amy --
(CONTINUED)
111.

80 CONTINUED: (5) 80
AMY
Consider this my resignation --

Thwock -- She slaps him.
The bodyguard is on his feet.

GOON
Hey!!
Crack -- Amy kicks him hard in the shin.

GOON
... Awooooo!

AMY
-- Effective immediately!!
She strides to the door, leaving Norville rubbing his
cheek and the Goon hopping around on one leg.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
81 CLOSE SHOT - PICTURE OF AMY 81
PULL BACK SHOWS it to be her identification in her
Hudsucker personnel file.
A hand brings INTO FRAME another picture of her -- this
one a newspaper clipping. She stands on a podium
accepting an award; standing behind her are middle-aged
identical triplets. The caption says, "Amy Archer of
the Manhattan Argus Receives Pulitzer Prize."


WIDER ANGLE
We are in Mussburger's office. Mussburger is seated at
his desk looking at the file picture and clipping; the
sign letterer/scraper is leaning over his shoulder,
having just put them down.
MUSSBURGER
Hmmm... Thank you, Aloysius. This
may be useful.
Aloysious nods wordlessly and turns to leave.

As we TRACK IN ON the picture of Amy, we:

FADE OUT.
112.

FADE UP TO:
82 PERFECT WHITE 82

After a beat, a woman ENTERS against the unblemished
white background, dressed in a flowing white dance robe,
trailing a long, diaphanous veil. She performs a flow-
ingly sensuous dance moderne; the MUSIC is a sensuous
saxophone solo with lasciviously bending blue notes.

After the woman has been dancing for several beats
Norville enters, dancing after her, pursuing her. He
is wearing a coatless suit, his sleeves rolled up, his
thin tie loosened.
The woman dances around him, letting her diaphanous veil
trail sinuously around his body.

We hear an ECHOING voice:
VOICE (O.S.)
Buddy... Say, buddy...

83 CLOSE SHOT - NORVILLE 83

Sitting in his desk chair, sheened with sweat, eyes
closed, licking his lips.
CLOSER NOW:

VOICE (O.S.)
Buddy... Ya busy?
NORVILLE
Huh-whuh?
He opens his eyes and looks stuporously about.

Buzz is grinning down at him in his little pillbox
elevator cap.
BUZZ
Looks like ya nodded off there,
buddy! Say, ya got a minute?
Norville clears his throat.

NORVILLE
Oh, uh... Buzz... Is it important?
BUZZ
I like to think so! It's this
little idea I been working on!
He turns an easel to face the desk.

(CONTINUED)
113.

83 CONTINUED: 83
BUZZ
... Ya see, I don't intend to be
an elevator boy forever! Take a
look at this sweet baby!
The easel displays an oversized sheet of graph paper.
Onto it has been rendered a top view, which is a perfect
circle, and a side view, which is a vertical line.
Norville gazes stupidly at the circle.

BUZZ
... Ya get it, buddy? Incredibly
convenient, isn't it? Ya see --

He produces a tall glass of lemonade with a straw sitting
in it.
BUZZ
-- this is how it works, it's
these little ridges on the side
that give it its whammy! See, ya
don't have to drink like this
anymore --
He holds his head over the glass to drink from the
vertical straw.
BUZZ
-- Now you can drink like this --
He bends the straw to drink from it at the horizontal.
BUZZ
... I call it the Buzz-Sucker, get
it, buddy? -- After me! Buzz!
Why, people are just dyin' for a
product like this, and the great
thing is we won't have to charge
an arm and a --

Norville, who has been stewing, finally barks:
NORVILLE
Wait a minute!

He grabs the lemonade glass, looks at it, sneering.
NORVILLE
... Why, this is worthless.

BUZZ
Huh?! But, buddy --
(CONTINUED)
114.

83 CONTINUED: (2) 83
Norville yanks the straw out and crumples it up.

NORVILLE
This is the most idiotic thing I've
ever seen in my life!

BUZZ
Yeah, but, buddy --
NORVILLE
Nobody wants a hare-brained
product like this! Ya see, Buzz,
it lacks the creative spark, the
unalloyed genius that made, uh...

He pauses to belch.

NORVILLE
... say, the hula hoop such a
success.
BUZZ
But, buddy --

NORVILLE
And what do you mean barging in
here and taking up my valuable
time! I've got a company to run
here --
BUZZ
But, buddy, you were --
NORVILLE
-- I can't have every deadbeat on
the Hudsucker payroll pestering me
with their idiotic brainwaves!

BUZZ
Geez, I'm sorry, buddy --

NORVILLE
An example must be made!
Buzz looks over his shoulder, turns back to Norville.

BUZZ
Wuddya mean, buddy?
NORVILLE
Fired! You're fired! Is that
plain enough for you, buster!
Buzz's jaw drops. His elastic chin strap snaps under
the pressure.
(CONTINUED)
115.

83 CONTINUED: (3) 83
BUZZ
Awwww, buddy --

NORVILLE
And don't call me buddy! Out of
here! Out!

Buzz sinks to his knees, weeping. He clutches
pathetically at Norville's pants legs.
BUZZ
Aw, please, sir -- this job, it's
all I got!
NORVILLE
Get up!

BUZZ
I understand if ya don't like the
Buzz-Sucker! Just lemme keep my
job, I'm prayin' to ya!
NORVILLE
We don't crawl at Hudsucker
Industries! Get out of my office!
Leave your uniform in the locker
room!
Buzz stumbles away, still weeping.
BUZZ
I'm sorry, buddy... I'm sorry...
NORVILLE
Buzz... off! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
As we TRACK IN ON Norville, laughing, there is a low,
unearthly RUMBLE, and his face seems to DISSOLVE INTO:

84 FLAMES 84

We PULL BACK FROM the flame of Sid Mussburger's oversized
lighter as he finishes lighting a cigar.

He is sitting alone in the boardroom, but its door swings
open and Norville enters wearing plaid knickers, a little
cap, and a knit shirt that shows his waist starting to
bulge. He has a full golf bag over his shoulder.

NORVILLE
Sorry I'm late, Sid. That back
nine at Riverdale is really
murder.

(CONTINUED)
116.

84 CONTINUED: 84
MUSSBURGER
Sure, sure, it's a tough course.
Well thanks for coming, kid. I
thought the board room would be a
swell place to chat undisturbed --
it seems we're having some
security problems here at the Hud.

NORVILLE
Ya don't say.

MUSSBURGER
Mm. Ordinarily I wouldn't bother
you with it, but -- this is
embarrassing, kid -- it seems to
concern you directly.

NORVILLE
How's that, Sid?
MUSSBURGER
It's not important in itself --
some elevator boy you fired came
to me claiming you'd stolen the
idea for the, uh, the hoop dingus
from him --
NORVILLE
Huh?! He -- no, I -- he's just
-- maybe I was a little rough on
the boy, ya see I --
MUSSBURGER
Ah forget it, kid, ya don't have
to explain to me. He's a little
person. He's nothing. Like I
say, ordinarily it would just be
a nuisance. But it seems -- well,
there was a spy in the company...
He is shoving a file towards Norville, who opens it.

MUSSBURGER
... Sure, sure, we tried to kill
the story. But her newspaper
won't play ball... Looks like her
story's coming out...
We TRACK DOWN the length of the board room table TOWARD
Norville, who stares horrified at the file.

(CONTINUED)
117.

84 CONTINUED: (2) 84
MUSSBURGER
... See, kid, the problem the
Board'll have... you hired this
woman. Kept her on, while she made
a chump out of you. Serious error
of judgment... I mean, business is
war, kid -- ya take no prisoners,
ya get no second chances. And a
boner like this... I'm afraid when
the Board meets, after New Year's,
your position... well, it looks
like you're finished... stick a
fork in ya, you're done... washed
up...

We LOSE Mussburger FROM FRAME as we TIGHTEN FURTHER ON
Norville, Mussburger continuing off:
MUSSBURGER (O.S.)
... I'm sorry, kid. I understand
this dolly who betrayed you, she
used to be a friend of yours...
Norville is slowly dragging the golf cap off his head.
MUSSBURGER (O.S.)
... And this elevator dope used to
be a friend, too...

Norville stares, perfectly still.
MUSSBURGER (O.S.)
... Well, they've got your throat
pretty well slit. And when you're
dead, ya stay dead. Ya don't
believe me, ask Waring Hudsucker
... Yeah, looks like curtains.
Well, condolences, kid...
Norville's IMAGE TURNS TO:


85 BLACK-AND-WHITE IMAGE OF NORVILLE 85
We PULL BACK to show that it is on the front page of the
Manhattan Argus.

The headline, in screaming nine-point type:
FAKE!

Next to the picture of Norville is the subhead: Idea Man
a Fraud.
(CONTINUED)
118.

85 CONTINUED: 85
Next to the sub-subhead is a picture of Buzz in his
elevator-operator's pillbox hat: Stole Hoop Idea from
Genius Elevator Jockey Clarence "Buzz" Gunderson.
AMY (O.S.)
You can't print that!


CHIEF
He grins wolfishly.

CHIEF
We are printing it! She's hittin'
the streets this evening --

SWISH PAN TO:
SMITTY
-- and she's dynamite!
AMY
But, Al, it's the bunk! Norville
showed me his design for the
whatsit the day I met him! Why
Buzz couldn't have invented it --
look at the man -- he's an
imbecile!

CHIEF
Archer, you're a broken record.
Fact is Gunderson did design it --
apparently he's some kind of
prodigy --
AMY
Says who?!

SMITTY
You're not the only one with
sources, Amy --

CHIEF
Smith has a source on the Hud
board -- very senior, very hush-
hush --

AMY
Yeah, and I'll bet his initials
are Sidney J. Mussburger!

SMITTY
You've lost it, Aim. You've gone
soft by the looks of it -- soft
on the dummy from Dubuque --
(CONTINUED)
119.

85 CONTINUED: (2) 85
AMY
Muncie!

CHIEF
Whatever! It's no dig on you,
Archer, but this story is hot
and you're no longer on top of it.
Why, it's the scoop of the century
-- the other papers won't have the
Gunderson dope 'til tomorrow --
The Allemeinischer Zeitung, Le
Figaro, they'll be choking on our
dust come mornin' --
AMY
You're fools, both of you! It's
obvious they're out to crucify
Norville! They're trying to
destroy him!
CHIEF
(gently)
Amy -- take a break. You've worked
hard on this story -- heck, you
broke it for us! But it's passed
you by and Smith here has taken up
the slack.
She is near tears.
AMY
You want slack, I'll give you
slack. You're not putting me out
to pasture, Al, I quit! Consider
this my resignation --
She turns to Smitty --

AMY
-- effective immediately!

-- and swings -- but he catches her before contact, holds
her by the wrist, and sneers:
SMITTY
... Soft.

Amy swings her free arm to -- thwack -- blindside his
other cheek.
120.

86 NORVILLE 86
In flickering black-and-white, he is lying on a couch
that has been brought into his office, gazing listlessly
at a bend straw, being interviewed by someone O.S. The
footage is rough, taking a moment to find focus; the
sound is TINNY.

GERMAN VOICE (V.O.)
Dell me vat is first zing
droppensie head ven I menzhon
ze vord... Zex?

NORVILLE (V.O.)
(listlessly)
Aww, what's the difference.


87 BOARD MEMBER 87
Sitting in a darkened board room, gazing off at a screen
that sends flickering light onto his face.
GERMAN VOICE (V.O.)
Und ven I zpeak of authority?

NORVILLE (V.O.)
Awww, I dunno.


86 BACK TO SCREEN 86
GERMAN VOICE (V.O.)
Eggzplain please ze zignifikanz
of ze straw.

NORVILLE (V.O.)
Nuthin', really.


87 ANOTHER ANGLE 87
A shadow is thrown across the screen as a figure steps
into the beam. He throws the sharp silhouette of a
strict Freudian ANALYST: Van Dyke beard, pince-nez with
chain trailing down to his vest, one thumb hooked into
the vest, the other hand holding a cigar wreathing smoke,
which he waves for emphasis.

ANALYST
Patient dizplayed liztlessness,
apathy, gloomy indifference und
vas blue und mopey.

The image on screen cuts to four inkblots. The Analyst
sweeps in a pointer and thwoks each image as he comments
on it.
(CONTINUED)
121.

87 CONTINUED: 87
ANALYST
... Ven asked vut four Rhorschach
stains reprezented, patient
replied, 'Nussink much,' 'I don't
know,' 'Chust a blotch,' und 'Sure
beats me.'


86 ANOTHER ANGLE 86
The image onscreen cuts to a close shot of Norville on
the couch, mouth listlessly agape.
ANALYST
... Patient shows no ambition,
no get-up-und-go, no vim. He is
riding ze grand loopen-ze-loop --
Image cuts to a sine wave on a graph, the top of which is
labeled "Euphoria," the bottom of which is labeled
"Despair," and a reference line through the middle
labeled "Normal." There is an X on the declining side
of the wave, near but not yet at the bottom, which is
labeled "Patient."
ANALYST
-- zat goes from ze peak of
delusional gaiety to ze trrrroff
of dezbair. Patient is now near
-- but not yet at! -- ze lowest
point; ven he reachensies bottom
he may errrrrupt und pose danger to
himself und uzzers.


87 MUSSBURGER 87

Casually puffing on a cigar.
MUSSBURGER
Diagnosis, Dr. Bromfenbrenner?

BROMFENBRENNER (ANALYST)
Patient is eine manic-depressive
paranoid type B, mit acute
schizoid tendencies.

MUSSBURGER
So patient is...?

He interrogatively twirls a finger 'round his temple.

(CONTINUED)
122.

87 CONTINUED: 87
BROMFENBRENNER
Prezizely. Knots.

The board murmurs.
MUSSBURGER
Prescription?

BROMFENBRENNER
Sree sinks! Kommitment. Electro-
confulsif therapy. Maintenance
in eine zecure wazility.
As he scores each point it is illustrated on the screen
behind him: A patient is forced into a straitjacket by
two brawny, unshaven attendants; electricity arcs between
two leads on a wire cap being wielded by a technician;
and lastly, a steel-barred door is slammed shut behind a
stooped and broken patient who is led, shuffling, away.
Here the FILM runs out, CHATTERING, and the screen goes
white.
The projector is shut off and the lights go on.
The board politely applauds.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a boardroom, footage of Norville's therapy session reveals a diagnosis of manic-depressive paranoid type B with acute schizoid tendencies. An analyst prescribes commitment, electro-convulsive therapy, and maintenance in a secure facility. The board applauds the diagnosis and treatment plan.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective character development
  • Satirical tone
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Slightly predictable plot twists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends drama and comedy, creating a compelling narrative that critiques corporate greed and ambition. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, and the character dynamics are intriguing.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a naive character rising to power in a cutthroat corporate environment, only to face betrayal and downfall, is well-executed. The scene effectively explores themes of ambition, power, and manipulation.

Plot: 7

The plot is engaging and well-developed, with a clear progression from Norville's rise to his eventual downfall. The conflict and tension are effectively built throughout the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh take on corporate power dynamics, the use of dark humor, and the exploration of internal and external conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions drive the narrative forward. Norville's transformation from a naive dreamer to a disillusioned executive is compelling.

Character Changes: 8

Norville undergoes a significant character change, transitioning from an idealistic dreamer to a disillusioned executive. This transformation drives the emotional core of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his facade of success and control despite facing mounting challenges and threats to his position.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the corporate politics and threats to his position while trying to maintain his authority and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Norville and the board members, as well as the internal struggle within Norville himself, creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, with multiple characters challenging the protagonist's authority and integrity, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of Norville's career, reputation, and personal integrity are clearly portrayed, adding urgency and tension to the scene. The consequences of his actions are significant.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing key plot developments and setting up future conflicts. It advances the narrative arc and builds anticipation for what's to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, betrayals, and revelations that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between ambition, power, and integrity. The protagonist must decide how far he is willing to go to protect his position and reputation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from sympathy for Norville's downfall to frustration with the manipulative characters. The emotional depth adds layers to the narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and serves to reveal the characters' motivations and conflicts. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, sharp dialogue, and the high stakes faced by the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through a series of revelations and confrontations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected format for a screenplay, effectively conveying the dialogue, actions, and setting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation in a corporate setting, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of transitions between different settings and characters, making it confusing for the audience to follow.
  • The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth, with characters speaking in a way that doesn't feel natural or engaging.
  • The scene jumps between different subplots and characters without a clear connection or resolution, leaving the audience feeling disconnected.
  • The tone of the scene shifts abruptly from comedic to serious, making it difficult for the audience to engage with the emotional arc of the characters.
  • The visual elements and descriptions are not effectively utilized to enhance the storytelling or create a cohesive visual narrative.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a clear and cohesive storyline that connects the different subplots and characters in a meaningful way.
  • Work on improving the dialogue to make it more engaging, natural, and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Consider refining the tone of the scene to ensure a consistent emotional arc that resonates with the audience.
  • Utilize visual elements and descriptions to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive and cohesive visual narrative.
  • Simplify the transitions between different settings and characters to improve clarity and coherence in the scene.



Scene 16 -  A Drunken Confrontation
88 INT. BAR - CLOSE ON BARMAN 88
He has a Vandyke beard and wears a cut-off sweatshirt
and dungarees and dark glasses, and has the phone wedged
into his shoulder as he tears open a large cardboard box.

BARMAN
Yeah, just get down here -- he
says he's a friend of yours...
He won't say, but man, is he from
squaresville.
He hangs up and we HINGE WITH him to bring the length of
the bar into view. Norville dishevelled, is on the other
side bellowing.
NORVILLE
I want a martini! It's New
Year's Eve and I want a Martini!
BARMAN
Daddy, it's like I been tellin'
ya --

(CONTINUED)
123.

88 CONTINUED: 88
NORVILLE
I thought you served misfits
here!
The barman is taking rolled-up blow-beepers out of the
cardboard box and loading them into tumblers to set along
the bar.

BARMAN
Yeah, daddy, that's a roger, but
we don't sell alcohol.

NORVILLE
What kind of bar is it if ya
can't get a martini?!

BARMAN
It's a juice and coffee bar, man,
like I been tellin' ya --
NORVILLE
I want a martini! On this bar,
right now! I've had a martini in
every bar on the way down here,
and I'm not about to --
BARMAN
Martinis are for squares, man.

Suddenly enraged:
NORVILLE
What'd you call me?!

He starts awkwardly peeling off his suit coat.
NORVILLE
... You son of a --
AMY (O.S.)
Norville!

NORVILLE
Huh?!

He looks stupidly about, the shoulders of his coat down
around his elbows. He sees Amy rushing up.
NORVILLE
... Oh, it's you! Lookin' for a
nitwit to buy your lunch?!

AMY
Oh Norville, I --

(CONTINUED)
124.

88 CONTINUED: (2) 88
Norville's attention has already left her. He looks for
the missing bartender.

NORVILLE
(swaying)
Barman! Set'm up, fella!

AMY
Norville, I'm sorry, I... I tried
to tell you... so many times...
It's hard to admit when you've
been wrong. If you could just...
find it in your heart to -- to
give me another chance --

NORVILLE
Hey! Where's that martini?!
AMY
Just give me another chance,
Norville -- I can help you fight
this thing. I know this last
story was a lie! We can prove
it! We can --
NORVILLE
Aww, what's the difference. I'm
all woashed up... When you're
dead, ya stay dead... Hey,
fella!
AMY
Well that just about does it!
I've seen Norville Barnes, the
young man in a big hurry, and
I've seen Norville Barnes the
self-important heel, but I've
never seen Norville Barnes the
quitter, and I don't like it!
She starts pumping her arms, slowly chanting.

AMY
... Fight on, fight on, dear old
Muncie.

She steps back off the stool. Norville watches her
dully, his head swaying.
AMY
... Fight on, hoist the gold and
blue;
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
125.

88 CONTINUED: (3) 88
AMY (CONT'D)
You'll be tattered, torn and
hurtin'
Once 'The Munce' is done with
you!
Gooo ooo Eagles!

She looks hopefully for some effect, but after staring at
her for a slack-jawed beat Norville can only bring out:
NORVILLE
You lied to me! I can't believe
you lied to me! a Muncie girl!
He lurches off his stool toward the door. Watching him,
despair fights with confusion on Amy's face.

AMY
But Norville... I...
She realizes that, though shattered, he is still the
simple innocent she loved --
AMY
... Oh, Norville!
-- and bursts into tears.
Two loud REVELERS reel INTO FRAME, one of them uncurling
a blow-beeper at the weeping Amy.
REVELER #1
Happy Newby-Newby-New!
REVELER #2
1959 we dig you the most!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the midst of a bustling bar on New Year's Eve, Norville's drunken demands for a martini create a comedic scene. Amy's arrival shifts the tone as she confronts Norville, revealing her true feelings. However, Norville's intoxication prevents him from fully understanding, leading to a heartbreaking end as he stumbles away.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines drama and comedy, with strong emotional moments and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of facing one's mistakes and seeking redemption is well-executed, providing depth to the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Norville confronts his shortcomings and Amy tries to reconcile with him, leading to potential resolution and growth.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the classic bar scene by subverting expectations with the bar not serving alcohol and Norville's unconventional demand for a martini.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are multi-dimensional, with Norville showing vulnerability and Amy displaying determination and empathy.

Character Changes: 8

Both Norville and Amy undergo emotional changes, with Norville facing his mistakes and Amy seeking reconciliation.

Internal Goal: 8

Norville's internal goal in this scene is to assert his identity and desires, despite the limitations of the bar and the barman's refusal to serve alcohol. This reflects his need for validation and control over his own choices.

External Goal: 7.5

Norville's external goal is to get a martini in the bar, which reflects his immediate desire for a specific drink on New Year's Eve.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is internal conflict within Norville as he grapples with his failures, while external conflict arises between him and Amy.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the barman's refusal to serve alcohol creating conflict and obstacles for Norville.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are personal and emotional, focusing on the characters' relationships and inner struggles.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' arcs and setting up potential resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twist of the bar not serving alcohol and Norville's unconventional demand for a martini.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Norville's desire for a martini and the barman's refusal to serve alcohol, highlighting the clash between individual desires and societal rules.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from sadness to hope, creating a strong connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, blending humor with poignant moments, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the humor in the dialogue, and the escalating conflict over Norville's desire for a martini.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, with a good balance between dialogue and action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a screenplay, making it easy to visualize the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with dialogue and action sequences that build tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a chaotic and disheveled Norville demanding a martini in a bar, showcasing his desperation and unraveling mental state. This sets a tone of confusion and frustration.
  • The interaction between Norville and the bartender highlights Norville's disconnect from reality and his insistence on alcohol despite being in a juice and coffee bar.
  • Amy's entrance brings a moment of emotional confrontation, where she tries to reason with Norville and offer him another chance. However, Norville's intoxicated state prevents him from fully comprehending her words.
  • Norville's descent into resignation and self-pity is evident as he proclaims himself as 'woashed up' and expresses a defeatist attitude.
  • Amy's chant and emotional outburst show her desperation to reach Norville and snap him out of his downward spiral, but ultimately she is left heartbroken and in tears.
  • The scene ends with revelers entering the bar, adding a touch of surrealism and further highlighting Norville's disconnected state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more clarity to Norville's emotional state and inner turmoil to enhance the audience's understanding of his character arc.
  • Explore ways to visually represent Norville's mental decline and Amy's emotional struggle more effectively through actions and reactions.
  • Work on tightening the dialogue to convey the characters' emotions and intentions more succinctly.
  • Consider incorporating symbolic elements or visual metaphors to enhance the thematic depth of the scene.
  • Focus on creating a stronger emotional impact in the interaction between Norville and Amy to resonate with the audience and emphasize the stakes of their relationship.



Scene 17 -  Haunted by the Past
89 EXT. ANNE'S 440 89
As Norville exits. It is night, snowing.

We PAN WITH Norville OFF the bar facade and, ENDING the
PAN in the f.g.:

NEWSPAPER

WIPES UP INTO FRAME. Next to a picture of Norville is
the headline "MUNCIE MENTAL CASE." The subhead: "Hud
Chief to Tend Daisies." Sub-subhead: "Headshrinker Calls
Him Walking Time Bomb."

(CONTINUED)
126.

89 CONTINUED: 89
NEWSIE (O.S.)
Extra! Extra! New Year's Eve
Edition!
Norville's hand ENTERS FRAME to push the newspaper away
and leave us looking up the empty street. Norville's
back ENTERS as he stumbles off alone up the street,
pulling up his coat collar as he recedes, the NEWSIE's
VOICE continuing:
NEWSIE (O.S.)
... Ring out the old! Ring in
the new!
90 OMITTED 90

91 CLOSE ON NORVILLE 91
trudging. VOICES WELL UP, ECHOING. A face looms with
each voice, hellishly lit, superimposed over the walking
Norville:
VOICES (V.O.)
... You're not so slow but you're
not so swell either and it looks
like you're an imbecile after
all!... Noooo, I don't guess you
will be here long... Sure, sure,
but even there they called you
dipstick... lamebrain... dope...
schmoe... And is this sap from
chumpsville?!... imbecile after
all... Norville, you let me down...
You let Mrs. Eisenhower down...
You let the American people
down... imbecile after all...
imbecile... I predict you're
going to lose all the good things
your ideas brought you...
Please, buddy...! When you're
dead, ya stay dead... Sure,
sure, the kid's screwy -- it's
official...
This last voice and supered face is Mussburger's.
Norville DISSOLVES away to leave us ON Sidney in the:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Norville leaves a Muncie bar in the snowy night and sees a newspaper article labeling him a "mental case." Disturbed, Norville walks away, hearing echoing voices from his past. The voices intensify until Norville's face becomes Sidney's.
Strengths
  • Engaging blend of genres
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends different genres and tones, keeping the audience engaged with a mix of humor, emotion, and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Norville's hula hoop invention and the behind-the-scenes investigation by Amy add depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Norville's invention gains success, but Amy's discovery of manipulation within the company adds a layer of conflict and suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique approach to depicting internal struggles and societal judgment through the use of superimposed faces and critical dialogue. The authenticity of Norville's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Norville and Amy show growth and vulnerability in this scene, with Norville's excitement and Amy's determination shining through.

Character Changes: 7

Both Norville and Amy experience growth and realization in this scene, setting up potential arcs for future development.

Internal Goal: 8

{"What is the protagonist's internal goal in this scene? How does it reflect their deeper needs, fears, or desires?":"Norville's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the negative voices in his head and the societal judgment he faces. It reflects his fear of failure, self-doubt, and desire for acceptance and success."}

External Goal: 7

{"What is the protagonist's external goal in this scene? How does it reflect the immediate circumstances or challenges they're facing?":"Norville's external goal in this scene is to navigate the public perception of him as a 'Muncie Mental Case' and to continue on his path despite the negative attention."}


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is internal conflict for Norville as he faces doubts about his abilities, and external conflict as Amy uncovers deception within the company.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Norville facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs and values. The audience is left uncertain of how he will overcome the societal judgment and his own self-doubt.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Norville as his invention's success could change his life, while Amy's investigation puts her in a risky position within the company.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing Norville's invention success and Amy's investigation, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents Norville with unexpected internal and external challenges that add depth to his character. The audience is left unsure of how he will navigate the societal judgment and his own self-doubt.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

{"Is there a philosophical conflict (two competing value systems) evident in this scene? If so, describe it. How does it challenge or relate to the protagonist's beliefs, values, or worldview?":"The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Norville's internal struggles and the external judgment he faces. It challenges his belief in himself and his ability to overcome societal stigma."}


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from hope to heartbreak, drawing the audience into the characters' journeys.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities, but could be more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in Norville's internal struggles and external challenges. The use of visual and auditory elements creates a sense of tension and introspection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and introspection. The rhythm of the scene mirrors Norville's internal turmoil and the external challenges he faces.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue cues. It enhances the visual and auditory elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively conveys Norville's internal and external conflicts through a combination of visual and auditory elements. It follows the expected format for a character-driven, introspective scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, leaving the audience confused about Norville's state of mind and the significance of the newspaper headline.
  • The use of echoing voices and superimposed faces feels disjointed and overwhelming, detracting from the emotional impact of Norville's struggles.
  • The transition from Norville to Sidney at the end is abrupt and jarring, failing to provide a satisfying conclusion to the scene.
  • There is a lack of resolution or development in Norville's character arc, leaving the audience with more questions than answers.
  • The scene fails to effectively convey Norville's internal turmoil and the weight of the accusations against him, resulting in a disconnect with the audience.
Suggestions
  • Clarify Norville's emotional state and intentions in this scene to provide a clearer throughline for the audience.
  • Consider streamlining the use of echoing voices and superimposed faces to create a more cohesive and impactful portrayal of Norville's inner demons.
  • Provide a more seamless transition from Norville to Sidney at the end to create a smoother narrative flow.
  • Focus on resolving Norville's character arc and addressing the accusations against him to give the scene a sense of closure and progression.
  • Enhance the emotional depth and complexity of Norville's struggles to engage the audience and evoke a stronger response.



Scene 18 -  Chaos in the Boardroom
92 INT. BOARDROOM 92

Hellishly bottom-lit board members sit around the table,
conical New Year's hats on their heads. Mussburger, the
only one not wearing a cap, waves his cigar as he
continues to talk:

(CONTINUED)
127.

92 CONTINUED: 92
MUSSBURGER
... The barred-window boys are out
looking for him now, and we'll
see how Wall Street likes the news
that the President of Hudsucker
Industries is headed for the
booby-hatch. Why, when the doc
gets through with him he'll need
diapers and a dribble cup...
The board murmurs appreciatively.

MUSSBURGER
... Let me remind you that our
secret post-New Year's party will
be held in the office of the
President shortly after midnight
tonight. Remember, it's strictly
stag, so leave the wives at home;
we'll be showing some films and,
yes, gentlemen, there will be
exotic dancers.

Louder murmuring. One board member leers, a trace of
spittle at the corner of his mouth.
MUSSBURGER
Well, if that's all...
With an unnatural rumble he straightens his papers and
we...
JUMP UP TO:


HIGH NIGHTMARISH DUTCH ANGLE

of the assembled around the table.
ALL
Long live the Hud!

93 NORVILLE 93

Norville trudges on, faster, sweatier.
VOICE (O.S.)
Ring out the old! Ring in the
new...!

People come and go, laughing, talking, blowing noise-
makers, making merry.

(CONTINUED)
128.

93 CONTINUED: 93
VOICE (O.S.)
... Ring out the old! Ring in the
new! Ring out the --
Thoomp!! Norville has run into someone. He looks up,
dazed.

VOICE (O.S.)
Hey, watch where you're -- Say,
buddy!

It is Buzz, the elevator boy, dressed in an ill-fitting
tuxedo and a conical party hat. Za-Za is on his arm,
towering over him, leering at Norville.

NORVILLE
-- Uh... Buzz, I'm sorry, I --
Buzz, you gotta forgive me! I
shouldn't a fired you, I didn't
know what I was doing! I was a
little funny in the head, I --
BUZZ
Aw, buddy, I don't care about
that.
Norville is stunned.
NORVILLE
... You don't?
BUZZ
Nah, that's all forgotten.

NORVILLE
... It is?

BUZZ
Sure, Mr. Muss -- uh, Sid said
I could have the job back.

NORVILLE
Absolutely, Buzz, I'm glad
he --

BUZZ
But he told me you stole that
swell hoop idea from me. What
gives!

NORVILLE
But, Buzz --
(CONTINUED)
129.

93 CONTINUED: (2) 93
BUZZ
Say, that was a swell idea!

NORVILLE
But, Buzz, you know I never --

BUZZ
And Sid says you stole it!
NORVILLE
But Buzz --

ZA-ZA
Well wuddya waiting for,
Clarence --? Pop him
one!

Boffo!
Buzz swings and Norville hits the snow hard.
BUZZ
Think about that, idea man!!

Norville groggily raises his head.
PASSERBY
Say, isn't he that lunatic?

Norville looks dopily up at the people in furs and party
hats starting to gather.
VOICES
... that big-shot faker... the
Wall Street fraud guy... nuttier
than a fruitcake... they say he's
a menace... wuddya waitin' for,
call a cop!...
We hear SIRENS.

Norville staggers to his feet. The crowd cringes.
VOICES
... He's on his feet... We can
take him!

Norville bursts through the crowd, running.
Buzz starts giving chase, followed by the braver souls,
followed by the entire mob.
130.

94 NORVILLE 94
runs, gasping, turning a corner.

VOICES
... Down here! He went down here!
Behind Norville, the crowd rounds the corner, led by Buzz.
A VAN is SCREECHING to a halt and out jump two burly
unshaven men in white, one of them holding open a strait-
jacket, the other carrying a large butterfly net. They
join in the chase.

Norville turns down an alley. A DRUNK drooping off a
lamppost gaily waves a bottle at him.
DRUNK
Ring out the old! Ring in the
new!
The crowd is running past the mouth of the alley, missing
the turn-off.

95 LIMESTONE FLOOR 95

Norville, gasping, crashes down INTO FRAME, his hands
breaking his fall against the limestone. The CAMERA SPINS
NINETY DEGREES to reveal that it is not floor but wall
he has run into and is now leaning against. Norville
looks up, sweating, gasping.


HIS POV
The massive Hudsucker Building looms dizzily up towards
the stars, capped by the huge Hudsucker Clock.
DISTANT VOICES (O.S.)
Ring out the old! Ring in the
new!

96 HUDSUCKER LOBBY 96
Norville staggers in. A gust of icy air that comes in
with him flaps a dropcloth off a huge shape that
dominates the lobby:

It is the heroic statue of Norville that we earlier saw
him posing for.

Norville reels over to it, stares dumbly.

(CONTINUED)
131.

96 CONTINUED: 96
STATUE

Mutely -- mockingly -- dignified.

NORVILLE

He staggers off to the elevators.

97 MUSSBURGER'S OFFICE 97

We are TRACKING ACROSS the office TOWARD Mussburger, his
feet up on his desk, laughing demonically, smoking his
cigar. CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK -- the PERPETUAL MOTION
BALLS swing on his desk; THRUMMMMM -- the SWEEP SECOND
HAND of the clock, illuminated now, casts a moving shadow
that rolls across the floor. Evil prevails.
A piece of paper and a pencil lie on his desk; as we
APPROACH WE PAN DOWN and SWING AROUND to read it, LOSING
Mussburger but still hearing his LAUGHTER.
MOVING IN ON the paper:
Musssucker Industries
Hudberger Industries

Sidsucker Industries
This last alternative has been circled in red. Below it
has been scribbled:

Sidney J. Mussburger, President.
Evil LAUGHTER. Sweeping shadows.

CUT TO:

98 NORVILLE'S OFFICE DOOR 98
We are TRACKING IN TOWARD the back of Aloysius, the sign
painter, who is stooped in front of the door. He looks
back over his shoulder, leering PAST the CAMERA, to reveal
his work: Under PRESIDENT Norville's name has been
scraped away, and painted in is SIDNEY J. MUSSBUR...

NORVILLE

He pushes past the sign painter.
132.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy","Satire"]

Summary In this scene, Mussburger addresses the board members in a boardroom, discussing the search for Norville and plans for a post-New Year's party. Norville tries to apologize to Buzz but gets punched by him, leading to a chaotic chase scene in the snowy street. The conflict remains unresolved as Norville ends up in the lobby of the Hudsucker Building, staring at a heroic statue of himself.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of genres
  • Compelling character arcs
  • Satirical commentary on corporate culture
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Certain plot elements may be confusing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, comedy, and satire to create a compelling and thought-provoking narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a once hopeful inventor facing a public downfall due to corporate manipulation is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot is intricate and engaging, with the chase scene adding tension and excitement to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on corporate corruption and personal redemption, with unique character dynamics and unexpected plot twists.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed, with Norville's descent into madness and Amy's determination adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Norville undergoes a significant change from a hopeful inventor to a broken man, while Amy shows resilience and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to regain control of his life and reputation after being publicly humiliated and betrayed. He seeks redemption and validation for his ideas and actions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the mob chasing him and find a way to clear his name and prove his innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Norville and the corporate forces seeking to destroy him is intense and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong and unpredictable, adding to the sense of danger and urgency faced by the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Norville's reputation and sanity are on the line, with the future of Hudsucker Industries hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Norville's downfall and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the sudden shifts in power dynamics and the protagonist's unexpected actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, deception, and identity. The protagonist is faced with the consequences of his actions and must navigate the corrupt world he finds himself in.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from sympathy for Norville to frustration with the corrupt system.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, but could be more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced action, dramatic tension, and unexpected plot developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the chaotic and fast-paced nature of the events unfolding.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that enhances the tension and suspense, fitting the genre of dark comedy.


Critique
  • The scene in the boardroom with Mussburger discussing Norville's mental health diagnosis and plans for a post-New Year's party feels disjointed and lacks a clear connection to the previous scenes.
  • The confrontation between Norville, Buzz, and Za-Za outside the bar feels rushed and lacks depth in character development.
  • The chase sequence with Norville being pursued by a mob, burly men with a strait-jacket, and a drunk waving a bottle feels chaotic and disconnected from the overall narrative.
  • The transition from Norville running into the Hudsucker Building lobby to Mussburger's office and the revelation of his alternative company names lacks a smooth flow and coherence.
  • The final shot of Norville staring at his heroic statue and the focus on Mussburger's evil laughter in his office feels abrupt and does not provide a satisfying resolution to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to better connect with the previous events and provide a clearer progression of the narrative.
  • Develop the confrontation between Norville, Buzz, and Za-Za to add depth to their characters and motivations.
  • Refine the chase sequence to make it more cohesive and relevant to the overall story.
  • Improve the transition between different locations and characters to create a smoother flow in the scene.
  • Provide a more satisfying resolution to the scene by tying up loose ends and addressing the emotional arcs of the characters.



Scene 19 -  Norville's Midnight Leap
99 INT. OFFICE 99
Dark and empty. Norville is peeling off his coat as he
staggers over to the closet.

We can hear DISTANT REVELRY and the STRAINS of "AULD LANG
SYNE."

Norville has pulled his old mailroom apron from the closet
and is putting it on: HUDSUCKER MAIL ROOM/The Future Is
Now.
Norville looks at the door.

THROUGH the glass we see the tail of the last R of
"Mussburger" being painted into place.

Norville throws open the window.

WIND WHISTLES.
He climbs out.

100 LEDGE 100

Norville, back against the wall, looks cautiously down.
We hear DISTANT CHANTING:
VOICES (V.O.)
Ten... nine... eight... seven...

HIS POV

A sickening drop. Receding snowflakes. On the street
far, far below, a lone car's headlights cut through the
falling snow.

VOICES (V.O.)
Six... five... four...


WIDER ON NORVILLE
We are FLOATING IN; it is the SHOT with which the movie
began. The sweep second hand of the Hudsucker Clock is
approaching the 12 of midnight, the New Year. In sync
with the clock the CHANTING continues:
VOICES (V.O.)
Three... two...

(CONTINUED)
133.

100 CONTINUED: 100
We have COME IN CLOSE ON Norville. A lone tear runs down
his cheek.

VOICES (V.O.)
... One...

BONG! The toll is right at Norville's ear. Startled, he
reaches up to press hands against his ears. Distantly:
VOICES (V.O.)
Happy New Year!

BONG!!
He can't stand it. Whimpering, hands to his ears, he
edges his way back toward the window.


HIS POV
The open window at a steep angle. Someone inside slides
it shut.


BACK TO SCENE
Norville waves.
NORVILLE
No --
BONG!!
His gesticulation and a shuffle step upset his balance --
he trips -- falls -- catches the ledge --
NORVILLE
-- No, please!
He is hanging onto the icy ledge by his fingertips. His
feet dangle away. Snow falls.

HIS POV

Looking STEEPLY UP.

103 CLOCK 103

Its second hand is making its descent.

(CONTINUED)
134.

103 CONTINUED: 103
NORVILLE

Falling.

102 MUSSBURGER 102

Laughing.

SECOND HAND

Descending.

101 NORVILLE 101

Falling, turning lazily in the air -- and suddenly, with
a great moaning sound -- he stops, suspended in mid-air,
head down, feet in the air.
It is much like the freeze frame on Waring Hudsucker that
the title of the film was supered over.

He waves his arms, to no effect, looks around.

104 PEOPLE IN STREET 104

Frozen in attitudes of laughter, celebration. Snow sifts
silently down around their motionless bodies.


102 MUSSBURGER 102
In his office, frozen with an idiotic laugh pasted to his
face.

HIS PERPETUAL MOTION BALLS

Frozen, one ball swung out but suspended, hanging at the
apex of its arc. Outside the great arched window, snow
falls.


105 NORVILLE 105
He alone can move, but doesn't fall. He looks awkwardly
about, his body in a dive-bomber attitude, canted steeply
down.
135.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary On New Year's Eve, Norville stands on the ledge outside his office, contemplating suicide. As the clock strikes midnight, he's suspended in mid-air, unable to move or fall. His fate remains uncertain.
Strengths
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • Unique visual style
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Some confusion in the frozen moment concept

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, suspenseful, and emotionally impactful, with a unique visual style that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a frozen moment in time where only one character can move is innovative and adds a layer of suspense and tension to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of Norville's internal struggle and the external threat of falling creates a compelling narrative that drives the scene forward.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of a character's existential crisis and ultimate decision. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and true to the character's journey.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Norville's character development and emotional journey are well portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Norville undergoes a significant emotional change as he faces his mortality and confronts his fears.

Internal Goal: 8

Norville's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and make a decision about his future. His deeper need for validation and acceptance is reflected in his actions on the ledge.

External Goal: 7

Norville's external goal is to escape the pressure and expectations of his job and the corporate world. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict of Norville's struggle to survive and the frozen moment of time creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Norville facing internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Norville's life hanging in the balance and the frozen moment of time create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Norville's internal struggle and the external threat he faces.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of Norville's decision is uncertain, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between conformity and individuality. Norville must decide whether to conform to societal expectations or follow his own path.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of Norville's plight and the frozen characters around him resonates strongly with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying Norville's desperation and fear effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth and the high stakes faced by the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of decision for the protagonist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic and introspective moment in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of decision for the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of Norville's motivation for climbing out onto the ledge. It is not clear why he is taking this drastic action, which can leave the audience confused.
  • The transition from Norville putting on his mailroom apron to climbing out onto the ledge feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a lack of emotional build-up or context leading to this moment.
  • The use of voices in the scene, while potentially symbolic, may come across as confusing and disconnected from the rest of the narrative. It is important to ensure that any symbolic elements are integrated seamlessly into the story.
  • The frozen moments of people in the street and Mussburger in his office, while visually interesting, may not fully resonate with the audience without a clear connection to Norville's actions on the ledge.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or consequence for Norville's actions on the ledge, leaving the audience hanging (literally) without a satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and build-up to Norville's decision to climb out onto the ledge. Show his internal struggles or conflicts leading to this moment.
  • Consider revising the transition between Norville putting on his mailroom apron and climbing out onto the ledge to create a more seamless and emotionally impactful sequence.
  • Revisit the use of symbolic elements like the voices and frozen moments to ensure they enhance the narrative and are not distracting or confusing.
  • Connect the frozen moments of other characters to Norville's actions in a more meaningful way to create a stronger thematic resonance.
  • Consider adding a resolution or consequence to Norville's actions on the ledge to provide closure and emotional payoff for the audience.



Scene 20 -  An Angelic Revelation
103 EXT. HUDSUCKER CLOCK 103
Its sweep second hand is arrested on its downward sweep.
WHINING NOISES emanate from within.

106 CLOSE SHOT - GREAT GEAR 106

The broom handle has been jammed bewteen two cogs, stop-
ping them. We PULL BACK ALONG the handle to reveal Moses,
who has thrust it there, and who now TURNS back over his
shoulder to address the CAMERA.

MOSES
Strictly speakin', I'm never
spozed to do this but... have you
got a better idea?


105 NORVILLE 105
Twisting back to look up over his shoulder; there is a
DISTANT -- very distant -- SINGING.


HIS POV
Looking up the length of the Hudsucker Building. Someone
or something wrapped in white is flying toward us, coming
down from the stars.

We can make out a male voice, accompanied by STRUMMING:
VOICE (V.O.)
She'll be comin' around the
mountain when she comes,
She'll be comin' around the
mountain when she comes...


NORVILLE
He gapes.

ANGEL

-- For it is an Angel, arrives. He is a balding man,
wearing rimless glasses, in a white robe, large feathery
wings sprouting from his back and beating heavily until
he comes to rest, in midair. He puts aside the harp he
has been strumming on a nearby windowsill.

ANGEL
Love that tune. How ya doin',
kid?

(CONTINUED)
136.

105 CONTINUED: 105
NORVILLE
Mr... Mr. Hudsucker?

HUDSUCKER (ANGEL)
Ta-daaaa!

Presenting himself, he spreads his arms and stamps his
forward foot, forgetting that there is nothing beneath
his foot to stamp. He lurches forward, momentarily
losing his balance.

HUDSUCKER
... Wooooo!
He rights himself. The halo spinning lazily over his head
has been jarred askew. With a flick of his forefinger he
rights it.
HUDSUCKER
... How d'ya like this thing?
They're all wearin' em upstairs
now.
He blows a dismissive raspberry.
HUDSUCKER
... It's a fad.
He pats at his robe, produces a white cigar.
HUDSUCKER
... Anyway. I hear you've been
having, uh...

He casually flicks his thumb out of his fist, lighting
it. He lights the cigar off his thumb, takes a puff.

HUDSUCKER
... Been having some problems
with the board. The more things
change, know what Iyayayeeeeee...

Pain reminds him that he has forgotten to extinguish his
flaming thumb, which he now waves frantically about.

HUDSUCKER
... Jesus Christopher -- That
smarts... Where was I? Oh yeah,
the board. I guess Sidney's
been puttin' the screws to ya,
huh, Norman?

NORVILLE
Norville.

(CONTINUED)
137.

105 CONTINUED: (2) 105
HUDSUCKER
Mm. Well, say what you like about
the man's ethics, he's a balls-to-
the-wall businessman. Beat ya
any way he can. Straight for the
jugular. Very effective.

NORVILLE
Yes sir..
HUDSUCKER
Anyway. Any particular reason
you didn't give him my Blue
Letter? I mean, Jesus, Norman,
just a dying man's last words and
wishes, no big deal.

NORVILLE
Huh? Oh, geez, Mr. Hudsucker,
I apologize, there was an awful
lot of excitement and I guess I
must've mislaid --
HUDSUCKER
It's sittin' in your apron pocket,
right where you left it.
Imbecile.
Norville reaches in and -- pulls out the wrinkled Blue
Letter.
NORVILLE
Oh, geez.

HUDSUCKER
Failure to deliver a Blue Letter
is grounds for dismissal.

NORVILLE
Geez, I --

HUDSUCKER
Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not
gonna add to your woes. I'm just
saying.

NORVILLE
Yessir.
HUDSUCKER
Well, why don't ya read it.

NORVILLE
Sir?

(CONTINUED)
138.

105 CONTINUED: (3) 105
HUDSUCKER
Yeah, go ahead. Might learn
somethin'.
NORVILLE
Yes sir...

He tears open the envelope, reads:
NORVILLE
'From the desk of Waring
Hudsucker. To. Sidney J.
Mussburger. Regarding. My
demise. Dear Sid. By the time
you read this, I will have joined
the organization upstairs -- an
exciting new beginning. I will
retain fond memories of the many
years you and I --'
HUDSUCKER
Yeah, yeah, it's the standard
resignation boilerplate -- go down
to the second paragraph.
NORVILLE
'Many years, uh... I know that
you will be wondering why I have
decided to move on, ending my
tenure at Hudsucker, and here on
Earth. You will be thinking, Why
now, when things are going so
well? Granted, from the standpoint
of our balance sheet and
financials, sure, sure, we're
doing fine. However, Sid. These
things have long since ceased to
give me pleasure. I look at
myself now and no longer see the
idealistic young man who started
this company. Now I see only an
empty shell whom others call a
'success.' How has this come to
pass? When and why did I trade
all of my hopes, dreams and
aspirations, for the emptiness
of power and wealth? What the
heck have I done?
As Norville reads Hudsucker casually examines his
fingernails, then pats down a yawn.

(CONTINUED)
139.

105 CONTINUED: (4) 105
NORVILLE
'... Looking back now, Sid, I see
that I allowed time and age to
corrupt my dreams. instead of
fiercely guarding what was
timeless inside of myself, I let
the hubbub of earthly commerce
erode my character, and dissolve
my better self. How is it that
some manage to preserve
themselves where I have failed?
Sidney, I do not know. Perhaps
if others love you, you may more
securely love yourself -- but I
am alone. I loved a woman once,
Sid, as you well know -- a
beautiful, vibrant lady, an angel
who in her wisdom saw fit to
choose you instead of I...'
Norville is interrupted by loud blubbering. He looks up.
Hudsucker is weeping loudly into a white handkerchief.
He saws at his nose, gives it a loud honk, and urgently
quavers in a voice strangled with emotion:
HUDSUCKER
Skip this part...

He waves his hankie in get-on-with-it circles.
HUDSUCKER
... Last paragraph, last
paragraph.
Norville looks down the page.

NORVILLE
'... And so, Sid, the future does
not belong to such as I -- nor
even you. We have made our
compromises with time. The
future belongs to the young, who
may more energetically wage the
battle against corruption.
Accordingly, in the spirit of
hope, and the ringing in of the
new, I hereby bequeath my entire
interest in the company, and my
seat on the board, to whomever is
Hudsucker's most recent employee
at the time of my demise.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
140.

105 CONTINUED: (5) 105
NORVILLE (CONT'D)
I know this will disappoint
you -- you, Sid, who have served
so diligently and for so long.
But --'

HUDSUCKER
-- tough titty toenails!
He roars with laughter.

HUDSUCKER
... That'll show the bastard!
He merrily wipes his eyes.

HUDSUCKER
... Yeah, go ahead.
NORVILLE
'... But Sid, let me urge you to
work closely with the new
president, and to keep giving
Hudsucker Industries all your
energies -- but not your soul.
For while we must strive for
success, we must not worship it.
Long live the Hud. Waring
Hudsucker...'
Norville gives a musingly appreciative nod.
HUDSUCKER
... Geez.
Pleased with himself:

HUDSUCKER
Yup. It's all there. Well, see
that it gets delivered in the
morning.

Hudsucker picks up his lyre and heads back up toward the
stars.

HUDSUCKER
Sheeel beeee...

102 MUSSBURGER'S OFFICE 102

Mussburger still sits frozen in his chair. Outside the
great arched window Hudsucker rises, through the falling
snow, on his way back to the heavens.

(CONTINUED)
141.

102 CONTINUED: 102
HUDSUCKER
... Ridin' six white horses,
She'll be ridin' six white horses
She'll be ridin' six white horses
When she comes...

We hear a great WRENCHING SOUND from the GEAR ROOM next
door.

106 GEAR ROOM 106

Moses pries the broom handle loose from the Great Gear.
With a LOW MOAN the CLOCKWORKS start to shudder and
turn --


103 SWEEP SECOND HAND 103
Lurching forward --

102 PERPETUAL MOTION BALL 102

Swinging down --
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary Norville encounters an Angel, revealed as Mr. Hudsucker, outside the Hudsucker Clock. Hudsucker gives Norville a letter expressing his final thoughts and bequeathing his company to the most recent employee. Amidst emotional turmoil and humor, Hudsucker departs, leaving behind his legacy and setting in motion a surprising turn of events.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Unique concept
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue may be overly sentimental

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally impactful, moving the story forward while introducing a unique and thought-provoking element.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of an angelic visitation and the revelation of a heartfelt letter from the deceased president adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances significantly with the delivery of the letter and Norville's interaction with the angelic figure.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its depiction of angels, the fantastical world, and the philosophical themes explored. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and fresh.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Norville and the angelic Hudsucker, show vulnerability, introspection, and growth.

Character Changes: 8

Norville undergoes a significant emotional transformation through his interaction with the angel and the reading of the letter.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the emotional turmoil of receiving a letter from the deceased Waring Hudsucker and understanding the deeper meaning behind his words.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver the Blue Letter to Sidney J. Mussburger and navigate the challenges presented by Mr. Hudsucker's unexpected bequeathal of his company.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict and tension in Norville's character, the scene focuses more on resolution and revelation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mr. Hudsucker's unexpected bequeathal creating a challenging situation for the protagonist. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of Norville's personal growth and the future direction of Hudsucker Industries.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information and setting up potential changes in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected appearance of an angel, the emotional revelations in Hudsucker's letter, and the whimsical tone that keeps the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, wealth, and the pursuit of success versus personal fulfillment and self-discovery. Mr. Hudsucker's letter challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the nature of success and the importance of maintaining one's integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact is high due to the heartfelt moments, introspection, and the presence of the angelic figure.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is poignant and reveals important insights into the characters' motivations and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, fantasy, and emotional depth. The interactions between characters and the unfolding of the plot keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character motivations, and balancing humor with emotional depth. It contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a unique structure that blends fantasy elements with character development and plot progression. It maintains the expected format for its genre while adding originality.


Critique
  • The scene introduces a supernatural element with the appearance of Mr. Hudsucker as an Angel, which may feel out of place in the context of the rest of the screenplay.
  • The dialogue between Norville and Mr. Hudsucker feels forced and lacks subtlety, especially with the exposition-heavy monologue from the Blue Letter.
  • The emotional beats in the scene, such as Mr. Hudsucker's sudden weeping and subsequent laughter, feel abrupt and disconnected.
  • The transition from Norville's contemplation on the ledge to the appearance of Mr. Hudsucker as an Angel could be smoother and more thematically cohesive.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or impact on the overall story, leaving the audience with more questions than answers.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the introduction of Mr. Hudsucker as an Angel to better fit the tone and style of the rest of the screenplay.
  • Focus on creating more natural and nuanced dialogue between Norville and Mr. Hudsucker to convey the emotional weight of the Blue Letter without relying on exposition.
  • Work on building a more gradual and cohesive emotional arc for both Norville and Mr. Hudsucker throughout the scene.
  • Explore ways to tie the supernatural element of Mr. Hudsucker's appearance back to the themes and motifs established earlier in the screenplay.
  • Consider revising the scene to have a clearer impact on the character development and plot progression of Norville, Amy, and the overall story.



Scene 21 -  New Year's Eve Reunion
107 EXT. PAVEMENT 107

As Norville falls the last few feet and lands on his face
with one last mighty BONG of the HUDSUCKER CLOCK.


108 BOOM DOWN 108
FROM a tavern sign that says ANN'S 440, DOWN TO the front
door, which Norville is entering.

109 INT. ANN'S 440 109

Sitting halfway down the bar is Amy, staring morosely into
a coffee cup. AT the CUT we are TRACKING BACK, PULLING
AWAY FROM her.

Norville enters, comes up next to her and makes the Go
Eagles sign, hooking his thumbs in front of his nose and
spreading his fingers.
Two familiar voices narrate the scene, sounding a little
tipsy:

LOU (O.S.)
What the heck's he doin', Benny?

(CONTINUED)
142.

109 CONTINUED: 109
Amy looks at Norville, startled. After a moment she
reciprocates the sign.

BENNY (O.S.)
What the heck's she doin', Lou?

LOU (O.S.)
What the heck they doin'?
Norville and Amy embrace.

BENNY (O.S.)
You know what they're doin' now,
Lou.

LOU (O.S.)
This I know, Benny.
BENNY (O.S.)
This you're familia' with.
Our PULL BACK ENDS LOOKING ACROSS an elbow of the bar,
TOWARDS Norville and Amy, now in WIDE SHOT. Resting on
the bar in the extreme f.g. are two champagne glasses,
half-full of fizzing champagne.
Norville and Amy kiss.
LOU (O.S.)
... Geez.
BENNY (O.S.)
... Geez.

We hear LABORED, RASPY BREATHING.
LOU (O.S.)
... Y'all right, Benny?
In a quavering voice:

BENNY (O.S.)
... Yeah, I'm... It's just...
It's beautiful, Lou!

Lou also is beginning to sound choked up:

LOU (O.S.)
It is beautiful, Benny.

Almost weeping as Norville and Amy continue their embrace:

(CONTINUED)
143.

109 CONTINUED: (2) 109
BENNY (O.S.)
... It's the most beautiful t'ing
I ever saw.
LOU (O.S.)
It's the most beautiful t'ing I
ever saw.

A BARTENDER ENTERS to BLOCK our VIEW of Norville and Amy.
He is youngish, with a beat goatee, wearing dungarees
and a sweatshirt with cut-off sleeves. He looks to either
side at Benny and Lou.
BARTENDER
You cats comin' from a party?

BENNY
Cabbies' affair.
LOU
Hacks' New Year's gala.
BARTENDER
Crazy. Get you anything else?
Sangria? Carrot juice? Herbal
tea?


REVERSE ANGLE
We see Benny and Lou are sitting side by side at the bar.
Lou wears a fake whispy beard and white eyebrows and a
long flowing robe; he holds a fake scythe. On the bar
next to him sits a large hourglass.
LOU
Bromo.

Benny is wearing nothing but an oversized diaper, a baby
bonnett and a sash across his hairy chest and thick
belly that says "1959."

He chucks himself in the heart, cocks his head and sucks
in air, then blows it back out.

BENNY
... Bromo.

110 BLUE LETTER 110

Lying on the boardroom table. As a hand enters to lay a
wristwatch on the table next to it, we hear the voice of
Moses, the old maintenance man.

(CONTINUED)
144.

110 CONTINUED: 110
MOSES (V.O.)
And so began 1959. The new year...

The hand reenters to lay down a wallet, and then to
deposit a burning cigar in an ashtray.

MOSES (V.O.)
... And the start of a new
business cycle. When he learned
that Norville owned the comp'ny,
ol' Sidney was upset at first.

We TILT UP to show that Mussburger is walking toward the
boardroom window. Board members silently remonstrate
with him as he tries to wrench it open.

MOSES (V.O.)
... It's a good thing Doc
Bromfenbrenner was there...
Doctor Bromfenbrenner stands to one side watching, brow
furrowed, a pencil pressed to his lips.
MOSES (V.O.)
... 'cause he was able to keep
Sidney from harmin' his ol' self.
We...

CUT TO:

111 BARRED DOOR 111

being slammed behind Sidney who, straightjacketed, is
puffing on a cigar as he is led away.

MOSES (V.O.)
... Now Norville, he went on an'
ruled with wisdom and compassion...


112 BOARDROOM 112
Again. Norville is eagerly pointing at a design he has
up on an easel: Under the heading BRAND NEW is a large
circle. The side view is a flat line.
MOSES (V.O.)
... and started dreamin' up them
excitin' new ideas again. You
know, for kids!
The board members look at the design, puzzled.

(CONTINUED)
145.

112 CONTINUED: 112
Norville takes a drop cloth off of a piece of plastic on
a pedestal. He has the board's complete attention.

MOSES (V.O.)
... An' that's the story of how
Norville Barnes climbed away up
to the forty-fourth floor of the
Hudsucker Buildin'...
He picks up the plastic disc and as he sails it we...

CUT TO:

113 OUTSIDE 113

As it floats out the boardroom window.
MOSES (V.O.)
... an' then fell all the way
down, but didn't quite squish
hisself.
We BOOM UP, AWAY FROM the boardroom, to the great
Hudsucker Clock.
MOSES (V.O.)
... Ya know, they say there was
a man who jumped from the forty-
fifth floor... but that's another
story. Heh-heh-heh!
Ya-heh-heh-heh!
We FADE OUT on the clock as Moses' LAUGHTER grows distant
and END MUSIC SWELLS.




THE END
THIS SCRIPT WAS PREPARED
BY WARNER BROS. INC.
SCRIPT PROCESSING DEPARTMENT
(818) 954-4632
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Norville and Amy reunite outside Ann's 440 bar, sharing a secret handshake and an emotional embrace. Benny and Lou narrate the scene, initially confused but ultimately moved by their reunion. As Norville and Amy kiss and hug, Benny and Lou reveal themselves as the Grim Reaper and Father Time, celebrating the new year in costume. Moses' voiceover recaps the film's events, including Norville's rise to power, invention of the hula hoop, and recovery from his downfall.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may feel cliched or predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines drama and comedy, creating a bittersweet atmosphere. The dialogue is engaging, and the characters are well-developed.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of new beginnings and redemption is well-executed in the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses smoothly, with Norville's journey towards self-realization and acceptance being a central focus.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and humor, such as characters wearing costumes and engaging in exaggerated reactions. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and add depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and undergo significant development throughout the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Norville and Amy undergo significant changes in their perspectives and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Amy and express his feelings for her. This reflects his desire for companionship and emotional fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to show affection towards Amy and deepen their relationship. This reflects his immediate challenge of expressing his emotions and forming a connection with her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is internal conflict within the characters, but it is resolved in a positive and uplifting manner.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is not strong, as the conflict is more internal and emotional rather than external. The audience is not left in suspense about the outcome of the interactions.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not life-threatening, they are emotionally significant for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving key conflicts and setting the stage for new beginnings.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character reactions and humorous twists that keep the audience guessing about the outcome of the interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' playful and lighthearted interactions and the underlying emotions and desires they are expressing. This conflict challenges the characters' beliefs about relationships and communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from sadness to hope, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, emotional, and reveals the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, playful interactions, and emotional moments that keep the audience invested in the characters' relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor and emotion, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene at Ann's 440 bar lacks clarity in terms of the emotional resolution for Norville and Amy's relationship.
  • The transition from Norville falling to the ground to entering the bar is abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The dialogue between Benny and Lou, while adding a whimsical touch, may distract from the emotional core of the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more focus on Norville and Amy's internal emotional journey and less on external narrators.
  • The visual elements of the scene, such as the champagne glasses and the bartender's appearance, may not fully align with the emotional tone of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the dialogue between Benny and Lou to maintain the emotional impact of Norville and Amy's reunion.
  • Enhance the visual cues to reflect the emotional depth of the scene, such as focusing on Norville and Amy's expressions and body language.
  • Provide more context or backstory to strengthen the connection between Norville and Amy in this pivotal moment.
  • Explore different ways to convey the resolution of Norville and Amy's relationship without relying heavily on external narrators.
  • Consider revising the transition between Norville falling and entering the bar to create a more seamless flow of events.