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Scene 1 -  Dorothy's Dilemma
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 6
The Wizard Of Oz

by
Noel Langley
Florence Ryerson
and Edgar Allen Woolf


Last revised March 15, 1939
FADE IN -- Title:

For nearly forty years this story has given faithful service to the Young
in Heart; and Time has been powerless to put its kindly philosophy out of
fashion.

To those of you who have been faithful to it in return

...and to the Young in Heart --- we dedicate this picture.

FADE OUT:

MS -- Dorothy stoops down to Toto -- speaks to him -- then runs down road
to b.g. -- Toto following --

DOROTHY
She isn't coming yet, Toto. Did she hurt
you? She tried to, didn't she? Come on --
we'll go tell Uncle Henry and Auntie Em.
Come on, Toto.

LS -- Farm yard -- Dorothy enters left b.g. along road -- Toto following
her -- CAMERA PANS right -- she comes forward thru gate -- runs forward to
Aunt Em and Uncle Henry working at Incubator --

DOROTHY
Aunt Em! Aunt Em!

MS -- Aunt Em and Uncle Henry working with baby chicks in incubator --
Dorothy runs in -- speaks to them -- Dorothy picks up baby chick -- CAMERA
TRUCKS back as Aunt Em and Dorothy come forward -- Aunt Em puts chick in
coop with hen -- then TRUCKS forward as they go to b.g. to incubator --
Dorothy reacts -- Uncle Henry looks at her -- CAMERA PANS her to left
across yard --

DOROTHY
Aunt Em!

AUNT EM
Fifty-seven, fifty-eight --

DOROTHY
Just listen to what Miss Gulch did to Toto!
She --

AUNT EM
Dorothy, please! We're trying to count!
Fifty-eight--

DOROTHY
Oh, but Aunt Em, she hit him over the --

UNCLE HENRY
Don't bother us now, honey -- this old
incubator's gone bad, and we're likely to
lose a lot of our chicks.

DOROTHY
Oh -- oh, the poor little things. Oh, but
Aunt Em, Miss Gulch hit Toto right over the
back with a rake just because she says he
gets in her garden and chases her nasty old
cat every day.
AUNT EM
Seventy -- Dorothy, please!

DOROTHY
Oh, but he doesn't do it every day -- just
once or twice a week. And he can't catch
her old cat, anyway. And now she says she's
gonna get the sheriff, and --

AUNT EM
Dorothy! Dorothy! We're busy!

DOROTHY
Oh -- all right.

MCS - Aunt Em and Uncle Henry taking chicks out of incubator -

UNCLE HENRY
Poor little orphan, and her Miss Gulch
troubles. Gosh all hemlock - you know, she
ought to have somebody to play with.

AUNT EM
I know, but we all got to work out our own
problems, Henry.

UNCLE HENRY
Yes.

AUNT EM
Oh, I hope we got them in time.

UNCLE HENRY
Yes.

MLS -- Zeke -- Hunk and Hickory working on wagon -- Hickory and Zeke
lowering bed of wagon into place --

ZEKE
How's she coming?

HUNK
Take it easy.

CS -- Hunk on ground -- gets finger caught under wagon bed -- reacts --

HUNK
Ow! You got my finger!

CS -- Zeke and Hickory holding wagon bed --

ZEKE
Well, why don't you get your finger out of
the way!

MLS -- Zeke and Hickory put wagon bed in place -- Hunk sitting on ground
by wagon -- Dorothy enters -- comes forward to Zeke -- CAMERA TRUCKS
forward on them -- they speak -- Zeke exits left f.g. -- Hunk enters --
speaks to Dorothy -- Hickory exits right -- PAN left as Hunk and Dorothy
go over by wagon -- they speak -- Dorothy exits right -- Hunk hits his
finger with hammer -- whirls around --

HICKORY
Come on - come on - over this way.
ZEKE
Okay.

HICKORY
There you are.

HUNK
Right on my finger!

ZEKE
It's a lucky thing it wasn't your head.

DOROTHY
Zeke, what am I going to do about Miss
Gulch? Just because Toto chases her old
cat --

ZEKE
Listen, honey, I got them hogs to get in.

HUNK
Now lookit, Dorothy, you ain't using your
head about Miss Gulch. Think you didn't
have any brains at all.

DOROTHY
I have so got brains.

HUNK
Well, why don't you use them? When you come
home, don't go by Miss Gulch's place. Then
Toto won't get in her garden, and you won't
get in no trouble. See?
Genres: ["Family","Fantasy"]

Summary Dorothy runs to her Aunt Em and Uncle Henry to tell them about Miss Gulch hurting Toto. They are preoccupied with their work and ask her to wait. Dorothy is worried about Toto and seeks advice from the farmhands, Zeke, Hunk, and Hickory. They suggest avoiding Miss Gulch's property to prevent further trouble.
Strengths ""
Weaknesses ""
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and sets up the conflict between Dorothy and Miss Gulch effectively. The dialogue feels natural and true to character. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement:

1. Visual description: The scene lacks detailed visual descriptions, making it difficult for the reader to picture the setting and actions. Adding more specific details would help enhance the reader's understanding and immersion in the scene.

2. Transitions: The transitions between shots or camera movements could be made clearer. Using transitional phrases or indicating camera directions would help the reader follow the flow of the scene more easily.

3. Pacing: The dialogue feels a bit rushed and could benefit from some pauses or beats to allow for natural reactions and character moments. Adding some moments of silence or action between lines would give the scene a more dynamic and realistic feel.

4. Characterization: While the main characters are established well, some of the secondary characters could use further development to make them more distinct and memorable. Adding some unique traits or dialogue quirks to characters like Zeke, Hunk, and Hickory would help them stand out more.

Overall, the scene does a good job of introducing the main conflict and characters of the story, but could benefit from more detailed descriptions, smoother transitions, improved pacing, and further characterization of secondary characters.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Remove unnecessary dialogue: Some of the lines, such as Aunt Em and Uncle Henry counting the chicks, can be cut to keep the scene more focused.

2. Add more action and visual descriptions: The scene can benefit from more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling. For example, instead of just saying Dorothy runs into the farm yard, describe how she rushes through the gate and breathlessly approaches Aunt Em and Uncle Henry. This helps to create more visual interest and engage the reader.

3. Show character emotions: Be sure to include moments where the emotions of the characters are shown. For example, when Dorothy talks about Miss Gulch hurting Toto, show Aunt Em and Uncle Henry's reaction to emphasize their concern for Dorothy and Toto.

4. Consider pacing and flow: Reorganize the dialogue and actions to have a smoother flow. You can break up some of the longer passages of dialogue into shorter exchanges between characters to keep the energy of the scene up.

5. Create more distinct character voices: Each character should have their own unique way of speaking. Make sure to differentiate Aunt Em, Uncle Henry, Dorothy, Zeke, Hunk, and Hickory by giving them distinct dialogue patterns, vocabulary, or accents.

6. Show more subtext: Use the dialogue and actions to imply deeper emotions and conflict. For example, when Zeke is dismissive of Dorothy's concern about Miss Gulch, he may be hiding his own fear of confrontation with her. This adds complexity to the characters and makes the scene more interesting.

Overall, focus on improving the visual storytelling, character development, and pacing of the scene to make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 2 -  Trouble with Miss Gulch
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
DOROTHY
Oh, Hunk, you just won't listen, that's all.

HUNK
Well, your head ain't made of straw, you know.

MLS - Int. Barn - Hickory working on wind machine - straightens up -
reacts - Dorothy comes forward - CAMERA TRUCKS forward as Hickory goes to
her - he speaks to her - turns motor of wind machine on - they watch it -
oil spurts out into Hickory's face - he reacts - Dorothy exit left -

HICKORY
Oh! Oh, it feels like my joints are rusted.
Listen, Dorothy, don't let Hunk kid you
about Miss Gulch. She's just a poor
sour-faced old maid that -- she ain't got
no heart left. You know, you should have a
little more heart yourself, and have pity
on her.

DOROTHY
Well, gee, I try and have a heart.

HICKORY
Now look, here's something that really has
a heart. This is the best invention I ever
invented.

DOROTHY
This?
HICKORY
Sure. It's to break up winds, so we don't
have no more dust storms. Can you imagine
what it'll mean to this section of the
country? I'll show you. It works perfectly
now. Here's the principle. You see that fan
-- that sends up air currents into the sky.
These air currents -- Oh, stop it!

DOROTHY
Oh!

HICKORY
Who did it? Now wait a minute.

DOROTHY
Hickory!

HICKORY
Now what happened? I'll bet Hunk did that.

MLS -- Zeke driving pigs into pen -- Dorothy enters in b.g. walks along
railing of pen -- Zeke goes to b.g. -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward -- Zeke pours
feed into trough --

ZEKE
Say! Get in there before I make a dime bank
out of you! Listen, kid, are you going to
let that old Gulch heifer try and buffalo
you?

MCS -- Zeke poring feed into trough -- speaks --

ZEKE
She ain't nothing to be afraid of. Have a
little courage, that's all.

MLS -- Dorothy walking along railing between pig pens --

DOROTHY
I'm not afraid of her.

MCS -- Zeke picks up another bucket of feed -- pours it into trough --

ZEKE
Then the next time she squawks, walk right
up to her and spit in her eye. That's what
I'd do!

MLS -- Dorothy on railing -- loses her balance -- falls into pig pen --

DOROTHY
Oh!

MCS -- Zeke reacts -- CAMERA PANS left as he jumps into pen -- takes
Dorothy's foot out of wire -- then picks her up -- CAMERA PANS right as he
carries her out of pen -- puts her down with Hunk and Hickory -- Zeke
jumps out of pen -- sits down -- wipes his brow --

DOROTHY
Oh! Oh, Zeke! Help! Help me, Zeke! Get
me out of here! Help!
HICKORY
Are you all right, Dorothy?

DOROTHY
Yes, I'm all right. Oh -- I fell in and --
and Zeke --

MCS -- Zeke -- Dorothy -- Hunk and Hickory -- they all look at Zeke --
they laugh -- Aunt Em enters with plate of crullers -- CAMERA TRUCKS
forward on Hunk -- Aunt Em and Hickory -- they speak -- Hunk and Hickory
each take cruller -- go to b.g. -- CAMERA PULLS back as Aunt Em comes
forward to Zeke and Dorothy -- she speaks to Zeke -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward
as Dorothy and Aunt Em walk to b.g. -- Dorothy takes cruller -- Aunt Em
runs to b.g. --

DOROTHY
Why, Zeke, -- you're just as scared as I am!

HUNK
What's the matter -- gonna let a little old
pig make a coward out of you?

HICKORY
Look at you, Zeke -- you're just as white --

AUNT EM
Here, here, what's all this jabber-wapping
when there's work to be done? I know three
shiftless farm hands that'll be out of a
job before they know it!

HICKORY
Well, Dorothy was walking along the --

AUNT EM
I saw you tinkering with that contraption,
Hickory. Now, you and Hunk get back to that
wagon!

HICKORY
All right, Mrs. Gale. But some day they're
going to erect a statue to me in this town,
and --

AUNT EM
Well, don't start posing for it now. Here,
here -- can't work on an empty stomach.
Have some crullers.

HUNK
Gosh, Mrs. Gale.

AUNT EM
Just fried.

HICKORY
Thanks.

HUNK
Swell.
Genres: ["Family","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy tells Aunt Em and Uncle Henry about Miss Gulch hurting Toto, but they are preoccupied with work. Dorothy seeks advice from the farmhands and they suggest avoiding Miss Gulch's property. Dorothy tries out Hickory's invention and they have a mishap. Zeke encourages Dorothy to stand up to Miss Gulch. Dorothy falls into a pig pen and Zeke helps her out. They all laugh and Aunt Em brings them food. Aunt Em scolds the farmhands for not working. They all agree to get back to work.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the characters' concerns and motivations. The dialogue is natural and reveals aspects of the characters' personalities. The mishap with Hickory's invention adds comedic relief."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue is repetitive and could be tightened to maintain the pacing."
Critique The scene is written in a way that it is easy to follow and understand the actions and dialogue. The dialogue feels natural and fits the characters' personalities. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Some of the dialogue could be more concise. For example, instead of saying "You know, you should have a little more heart yourself, and have pity on her," Hickory could simply say, "You should have a little more heart and pity for her."

2. The action descriptions are minimal and could be expanded upon to give a clearer image of what is happening. For example, instead of just saying "Dorothy falls into pig pen," you could describe how she loses her balance, what the pen looks like, and how she reacts to falling in.

3. The scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting. For example, describing the smell and sounds of the pigs in the pen or the feeling of the wind blowing from the wind machine.

Overall, the scene is engaging and effectively moves the story forward. With some revisions to improve the dialogue and add more descriptive details, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Some suggestions for improving this scene could be:

1. Clarify the character dynamics and relationships: In the dialogue, it is not clear who Hunk, Hickory, and Zeke are in relation to each other and Dorothy. Clarifying their roles and relationships would help the audience understand the dynamics better.

2. Add more subtext and nuance to the dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is quite straightforward and lacks depth. Adding more subtext and nuance to the dialogue could make it more engaging and enhance the characters' personalities.

3. Consider adding more visual elements and actions: Screenplays are not just about dialogue, but also about visual storytelling. Adding more visual elements and actions to the scene could make it more visually interesting and help convey the characters' emotions and reactions.

4. Add more conflict and tension: Conflict drives a story forward, so adding more conflict and tension to the scene could make it more engaging and propel the story forward. This could be achieved through conflicts between the characters or by introducing external obstacles.

5. Consider the pacing of the scene: The scene may benefit from some tweaking in terms of pacing. Breaking up the dialogue with more action or trimming down unnecessary lines could help maintain a better flow and keep the audience's attention.

Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance character dynamics, dialogue, visual storytelling, and overall engagement in the scene.



Scene 3 -  Miss Gulch's Threat
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
ZEKE
You see, Dorothy toppled in with the big
Duroc...
AUNT EM
It's no place for Dorothy about a pig sty!
Now you go feed those hogs before they worry
themselves into anemia!

ZEKE
Yes'am.

DOROTHY
Auntie Em, really -- you know what Miss
Gulch said she was gonna do to Toto? She
said she was gonna --

AUNT EM
Now, Dorothy, dear, stop imagining things.
You always get yourself into a fret over
nothing.

DOROTHY
No --

AUNT EM
Now, you just help us out today, and find
yourself a place where you won't get into
any trouble.

MCU -- Dorothy reacts -- speaks --

DOROTHY
Some place where there isn't any trouble.

MS -- Dorothy and Toto -- she tosses him a piece of the cruller -- Toto
eats it -- Dorothy speaks as she walks forward -- she sings -- leans
against haystack -- then walks over near rake -- CAMERA PANS right --

DOROTHY
Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto?
There must be. It's not a place you can
get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far
away -- behind the moon -- beyond the rain --

DOROTHY
(sings)
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a
lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really
do....

CS -- Toto by wheel of rake -- listening to song --

DOROTHY o.s.
(sings)
...come true....

MCS -- Dorothy singing -- swings on wheel of rake -- then walks forward
around wheel -- Toto jumps up onto seat of rake -- Dorothy pets him --
sits on front of rake -- CAMERA PULLS back -- Dorothy finishes song --
DOROTHY
(sings)
...Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind
me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops,
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then -- oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh, why can't I?

LS -- Miss Gulch rides along country road on bicycle -- CAMERA PANS to
right with her --

LS -- Miss Gulch rides forward to front of Gale's home -- stops and gets
off her bicycle as Uncle Henry comes forward --

MISS GULCH
Mr. Gale!

UNCLE HENRY
Howdy, Miss Gulch.

MISS GULCH
I want to see you and your wife right
away....

MCS -- Uncle Henry and Miss Gulch at gate -- they speak -- Uncle Henry
lets go of the gate -- it hits Miss Gulch -- she reacts -- exits left --
Uncle Henry puts paint brush down -- starts out left --

MISS GULCH
... about Dorothy.

UNCLE HENRY
Dorothy? Well, what has Dorothy done?

MISS GULCH
What's she done? I'm all but lame from the
bite on my leg!

UNCLE HENRY
You mean she bit you?

MISS GULCH
No, her dog!

UNCLE HENRY
Oh, she bit her dog, eh?

MISS GULCH
NO!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Int. Gale Sitting room -- Aunt Em and Miss Gulch seated -- Dorothy
enters -- carrying Toto in her arms -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward on them --
PANS to right with Dorothy to Uncle Henry -- then Pans her left to Aunt Em
and Miss Gulch -- Miss Gulch shows order to Aunt Em -- Uncle Henry enters
-- looks at the order -- Miss Gulch picks up basket -- rises -- Dorothy
screams at Miss Gulch -- Miss Gulch tries to take Toto away from Dorothy --
Uncle Henry takes Toto -- puts him into basket --

MISS GULCH
That dog's a menace to the community. I'm
taking him to the sheriff and make sure he's
destroyed.

DOROTHY
Destroyed? Toto? Oh, you can't! You
mustn't! Auntie Em! Uncle Henry! You won't
let her, will you?

UNCLE HENRY
Of course we won't. Will we, Em?

DOROTHY
Please, Aunt Em, Toto didn't mean to. He
didn't know he was doing anything wrong.
I'm the one that ought to be punished. I
let him go in her garden. You can send me
to bed without supper --
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary Dorothy tells Aunt Em and Uncle Henry about Miss Gulch hurting Toto. Aunt Em and Uncle Henry are preoccupied with work. Dorothy seeks advice from the farmhands and they suggest avoiding Miss Gulch's property. Dorothy tries out Hickory's invention and they have a mishap. Zeke encourages Dorothy to stand up to Miss Gulch. Dorothy falls into a pig pen and Zeke helps her out. They all laugh and Aunt Em brings them food. Aunt Em scolds the farmhands for not working. They all agree to get back to work.
Strengths "The scene establishes the conflict with Miss Gulch and Dorothy's emotional attachment to Toto. It also introduces the farmhands who provide advice and support to Dorothy."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks a clear resolution to the conflict with Miss Gulch. It also includes a mishap with Hickory's invention that feels unnecessarily comedic."
Critique The scene is well written and effectively establishes the conflict between Dorothy and Miss Gulch. The dialogue flows naturally and reveals the characters' motivations and emotions. The use of stage directions helps to visualize the actions and movements of the characters.

One suggestion for improvement is to make the dialogue more concise and to the point. Some of the lines could be trimmed or combined to make the scene more efficient and impactful. For example, instead of "I'm the one that ought to be punished. I let him go in her garden", it could be condensed to "I should be punished for letting him in her garden".

Another suggestion is to add more specific details to the descriptions, particularly for the setting. The scene takes place in various locations, such as a pigsty, the countryside, and the Gale's sitting room. Adding more specific details about the surroundings can help the reader visualize the scene more vividly.

Overall, the scene is well-crafted with strong dialogue and clear character motivations. With some minor revisions, it can become even more engaging and visually stimulating.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the actions and reactions: Make sure to provide clear descriptions of the characters' actions and reactions. For example, instead of just saying "Dorothy reacts," specify her facial expression, body language, or any other visible reaction.

2. Show emotions through dialogue: Instead of having Aunt Em dismiss Dorothy's concerns, show her frustration by using more emotional and dismissive language. This will help highlight the tension between the characters.

3. Develop the setting: Add more details to the environment to help immerse the audience in the scene. Describe the sights, sounds, and smells of the pig sty or Dorothy's surroundings as she sings.

4. Create visual interest: Instead of just having Dorothy sing and walk around, think about how you can make the visuals more interesting. Can you include some creative shots or camera movements to enhance the scene visually?

5. Smooth transitions: Instead of using lap dissolves, consider using a more seamless transition technique between scenes, such as a cut or a wipe.

6. Strengthen character motivations: Clearly establish why Miss Gulch wants to have Toto destroyed. Is it because he bit her, or does she have a personal grudge against him? This will help add depth to her character and create more tension between her and Dorothy's family.

7. Intensify conflict: Make the conflict between Miss Gulch and Dorothy's family more apparent. Add more dialogue or actions that demonstrate the family's resistance to handing over Toto.

8. Show character growth: Explore Dorothy's growth and determination to protect Toto. Show her willingness to take responsibility for her actions and express her love for her dog.

9. Consider the pacing: Make sure the scene flows smoothly and is not too rushed or too slow. Balance dialogue and action to maintain the audience's interest.

10. Consider the overall structure: Review how this scene fits into the larger story. Does it effectively advance the plot or reveal important information about the characters? If not, consider revising or repositioning the scene within the script.



Scene 4 -  Miss Gulch
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
MISS GULCH
If you don't hand over that dog, I'll bring
a damage suit that'll take your whole farm!
There's a law protecting folks against dogs
that bite!

AUNT EM
How would it be if she keeps him tied up?
He's really gentle -- with gentle people,
that is.

MISS GULCH
Well, that's for the Sheriff to decide.
Here's his order allowing me to take him.
Unless you want to go against the law.

UNCLE HENRY
Uhh -- yeah --

AUNT EM
Now, we can't go against the law, Dorothy.
I'm afraid poor Toto will have to go.

MISS GULCH
Now you're seeing reason.

DOROTHY
No --

MISS GULCH
Here's what I'm taking him in -- so he can't
attack me again.

DOROTHY
Oh, no, no! I won't let you take him! You
go away, you....! Oooh, I'll bite you myself!

AUNT EM
Dorothy!
DOROTHY
You wicked old witch! Uncle Henry, Auntie
Em, don't let 'em take Toto! Don't let her
take him -- please!

MISS GULCH
Here! I've got an order! Let me have...

DOROTHY
Stop her!

AUNT EM
Put him in the basket, Henry.

MISS GULCH
The idea!

DOROTHY
Oh, don't, Uncle Henry. Oh, Toto! Don't...

MCU -- Dorothy crying -- looks o.s. to Aunt Em -- then to Uncle Henry
then turns and starts out --

MS -- Dorothy runs out of the room -- Aunt Em rises -- looks after Dorothy
-- then turns to Miss Gulch and Uncle Henry -- Aunt Em speaks to Miss
Gulch -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward -- Aunt Em exits left -- Uncle Henry sits
in chair at right f.g. -- grins --

AUNT EM
Almira Gulch, just because you own half the
county doesn't mean you have the power to
run the rest of us! For twenty-three years,
I've been dying to tell you what I thought
of you! And now -- well, being a Christian
woman, I can't say it!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

MS -- Miss Gulch riding bicycle to left -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward on basket
on back of bicycle -- Toto sticks his head out -- looks about -- then
jumps out --

MS -- Toto jumps to ground -- CAMERA PANS up as he runs down road to
b.g. --

LS -- Miss Gulch riding forward down dirt road on her bicycle -- she exits
left f.g. --

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

MS -- Int. Dorothy's room -- Dorothy sitting on floor by bed -- crying --
Toto jumps in thru window and onto bed -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward as Dorothy
hugs him -- reacts -- speaks to him -- then takes suitcase from under bed
-- starts packing it -- (Toto barks)

DOROTHY
Toto, darling! Oh, I got you back! You
came back! Oh, I'm so glad! Toto! Oh,
they'll be coming back for you in a minute.
We've got to get away! We've got to run
away -- quick!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:
MS -- Dorothy's and Toto's footprints in dirt road -- CAMERA PANS up
showing them walking down road to b.g. -- Dorothy carrying suitcase and
basket --

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Dorothy and Toto walking to right across bridge --

MLS -- Dorothy and Toto on bridge -- Dorothy looks down to f.g. -- Toto
runs forward down path -- exits f.g. --

MLS -- Camp -- lettering on wagon -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward on wagon --

PROFESSOR
MARVEL
ACCLAIMED BY
The CROWNED HEADS of EUROPE

Let Him In His
Read Your PAST - PRESENT and FUTURE Crystal

Also Juggling and Sleight of Hand

Dorothy enters in f.g. -- reads sign -- reacts to Professor humming o.s. --

MLS -- Professor steps down out of wagon -- sees Dorothy -- speaks to her
as he crosses to fire at left -- Dorothy comes forward --

PROFESSOR
Well, well, well -- house guests, huh? And
who might you be? No, no -- now don't tell
me.

MCS -- Professor sits by fire -- Dorothy comes forward -- they speak --

PROFESSOR
Let's see -- you're -- you're travelling in
disguise. No, that's not right. I -- you're
-- you're going on a visit. No, I'm wrong.
That's...You're -- running away.

DOROTHY
How did you guess?

PROFESSOR
Professor Marvel never guesses -- he knows!
Now, why are you running away?

DOROTHY
Why --
Genres: ["Drama","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy confronts Miss Gulch about taking Toto away, Aunt Em and Uncle Henry are preoccupied with work. Dorothy seeks advice from the farmhands. Miss Gulch presents an order to take Toto, but Dorothy refuses. Aunt Em stands up to Miss Gulch and tells her off. Dorothy runs away with Toto.
Strengths "Strong conflict and character development"
Weaknesses "Some cliched dialogue"
Critique The scene is well-written and effectively establishes the conflict between Miss Gulch and the other characters. The dialogue is clear and concise, providing necessary information about the situation. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

1. Characterization: While the scene effectively shows Miss Gulch as the antagonist, it would be helpful to further develop the other characters. Adding more unique traits or distinct voices to Aunt Em, Uncle Henry, and Dorothy would make the scene more engaging.

2. Emotional Depth: The emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring the characters' feelings more deeply. For example, showing Dorothy's desperation and fear for Toto's safety could create a stronger connection with the audience.

3. Visual Description: The scene could benefit from more vivid and specific visual descriptions. This would help to create a clearer picture in the reader's mind and enhance the overall visual storytelling of the scene.

Overall, the scene effectively moves the plot forward and establishes the conflict, but it could be improved by further developing the characters and exploring their emotions.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show more tension: Add more dialogue or actions that highlight the tension between Miss Gulch and the other characters. This will make the conflict more palpable and increase the stakes for Dorothy and Toto.

2. Develop Dorothy's emotional state: Instead of simply crying, show Dorothy's emotional turmoil more explicitly. Perhaps she could express her desperation or fear more directly, either through dialogue or physical actions.

3. Use more descriptive language: Enhance the scene by incorporating more descriptive language that paints a vivid picture of the setting and characters. This will engage the reader and help them visualize the scene more effectively.

4. Show character dynamics: To further develop the characters, highlight their relationships and dynamics through their dialogue and actions. This can help the audience understand the conflicts and motivations underlying the scene.

5. Create a sense of urgency: As Dorothy and Toto plan their escape, emphasize the urgency of the situation. This can be done through dialogue, such as Dorothy mentioning the consequences if they're caught, or by utilizing cinematic techniques like quick cuts or fast-paced action.

6. Explore the setting: Take advantage of the setting to enhance the scene. For example, describe the farmhouse or the surrounding landscape in more detail, or have characters interact with the environment to add depth to the scene.

7. Strengthen character voices: Each character should have a distinct voice that reflects their personality and background. Ensure that their dialogue is consistent with their character traits and motivations.

8. Consider adding subtext: Explore the subtext in the scene to add layers of meaning. For example, Aunt Em's line about not being able to say what she really thinks to Miss Gulch could suggest a deeper tension or history between the two characters.

9. Streamline the action: Trim unnecessary or repetitive dialogue and actions to keep the scene focused and efficient. This will help maintain the scene's momentum and make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 5 -  The Professor's Crystal Ball
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
PROFESSOR
No, no -- now don't tell me. They -- they
don't understand you at home. They don't
appreciate you. You want to see other lands
-- big cities -- big mountains -- big
oceans --

DOROTHY
Why, it's just like you could read what was
inside of me.

MLS -- Professor and Dorothy by fire -- Professor roasting wiener on
stick --
PROFESSOR
Yes --

DOROTHY
Please, Professor, why can't we go along
with you?

CS -- Toto enters -- bites wiener off stick --

PROFESSOR o.s.
Well, we -- uh --

DOROTHY o.s.
Oh, Toto, that's not....

MCS -- Professor and Dorothy -- Dorothy scolds Toto o.s.

DOROTHY
...polite! We haven't been asked yet.

MLS -- Professor and Dorothy -- Toto in front of them eating wiener --
Professor laughs and speaks -- puts another wiener on stick --

PROFESSOR
He's perfectly welcome. As one dog to
another, huh? Here now -- let's see where
were we?

MCS -- Professor and Dorothy speak -- Professor puts stick down at left --

PROFESSOR
Oh, yes - you - you wanted to go home, huh?

DOROTHY
Oh, no, I wanted to go along with you.

PROFESSOR
Oh --

DOROTHY
Nobody cares about me at home. They wouldn't
even miss me.

PROFESSOR
Aw, come, come, come --

DOROTHY
No, they won't - honestly.

PROFESSOR
Oh --

DOROTHY
Auntie Em was even going to let them kill
Toto yesterday for biting Miss Gulch. Oh,
please, Professor, why can't we go with you
and see all the Crowned Heads of Europe?

PROFESSOR
Do you know any? Oh, you mean the thing
-- Yes, well, I -- I never do anything
without consulting my crystal first.
Let's....
MLS -- Professor rises -- CAMERA PANS as he and Dorothy cross to right to
wagon --

PROFESSOR
...go inside here -- we'll -- Just come
along. I'll show you. There you are - right
in there.

MLS -- Int. Wagon -- Dorothy and Professor come in -- CAMERA TRUCKS
forward -- Professor moves chair up for Dorothy -- then lights candles --
sits down -- puts on turban -- speaks to Dorothy -- she closes her eyes --
he takes her basket -- looks thru it -- takes out a photograph --

PROFESSOR
That's right. Here -- sit right down here.
That's it. Ha ha! This -- this is the same
genuine, magic, authentic crystal used by
the Priests of Isis and Osiris in the days
of the Pharaohs of Egypt -- in which
Cleopatra first saw the approach of Julius
Caesar and Marc Anthony, and -- and so on
-- and so on. Now, you -- you'd better
close your eyes, my child, for a moment --
in order to be better in tune with the
infinite. We -- we can't do these things
without....

INSERT -- CU -- photograph of Dorothy and Aunt Em --

PROFESSOR o.s.
...reaching out into the....

MCU -- Professor looks at photograph --

PROFESSOR
...infinite. Yes.

MCS -- Dorothy and Professor -- he puts photograph on chair -- Dorothy
opens her eyes -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward as Professor looks into the
crystal --

PROFESSOR
That's -- that's all right. Now you can
open them. We'll gaze into the crystal.
Ahh -- what's this I see? A house -- with a
picket fence....

CU -- Dorothy -- Camera shooting past Professor at right f.g. -- Dorothy
reacts --

PROFESSOR
...and a barn -- with a weather vane and a
-- of a -- of a running horse.

MCU - Professor - Camera shooting past Professor at left f.g. - he looks
into crystal - speaks -

PROFESSOR
No - it's - it's - a crowing rooster.

CU -- Dorothy -- Camera shooting past Professor --

DOROTHY
That's our farm!
PROFESSOR
Oh -- yes.

MCS -- Dorothy and Professor -- He looks into crystal -- then looks down
at photograph --

PROFESSOR
Yes, there's -- there's a woman -- she's....

INSERT -- CU of the photograph --

MCS -- Dorothy and Professor -- he puts the photograph away again -- looks
into crystal --

PROFESSOR
...she's wearing a polka-dot dress....

MCU -- Professor -- Camera shooting past Dorothy --

PROFESSOR
...her face is careworn.

DOROTHY
Yes...That's Aunt Em.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy seeks advice from the Professor and asks to go with him on his travels. The Professor uses his crystal ball to show Dorothy a vision of her home. Dorothy recognizes her farm and Aunt Em in the vision.
Strengths
  • The introduction of the Professor character
  • Dorothy expressing her desire to leave home
  • The use of the crystal ball to show a vision
Weaknesses
  • Lack of conflict in the scene
  • Limited character development
Critique Overall, the scene does a good job of establishing the relationship between the Professor and Dorothy and conveying their desires for adventure. The dialogue between them feels natural and helps to develop their characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon:

1. Formatting: The scene description and dialogue could benefit from clearer formatting, such as proper capitalization and indentation. This makes it easier for readers to follow along and understand the flow of the scene.

2. Visual clarity: Some of the actions in the scene could be described more clearly to help readers visualize what is happening. For example, when Toto bites the wiener off the stick, it would be helpful to describe this action more specifically.

3. Pacing: The scene could benefit from tightening up the dialogue to ensure that it moves at a brisk pace. Some of the exchanges between the Professor and Dorothy could be condensed or rephrased to make the conversation more efficient.

4. Emotional stakes: While the scene establishes Dorothy's desire to go on an adventure with the Professor, it could benefit from raising the emotional stakes even further. By adding more depth to the conversation and the motivations behind Dorothy's desire to leave home, it will make the scene more engaging and impactful.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the character motivations: It would help to have a clearer understanding of what the Professor's ultimate goal is in this scene. Is he trying to convince Dorothy to come with him? Is he trying to assess her desire to leave home? This will help to create a more cohesive and focused dialogue between the characters.

2. Add more depth to the character's emotions: Explore the emotional journey of both the Professor and Dorothy in this scene. What are they feeling and why? This will help to make their connection and dialogue more meaningful and relatable to the audience.

3. Streamline the dialogue: Simplify and condense the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Remove any unnecessary repetition or filler lines that don't contribute to the overall story or character development.

4. Utilize visual elements: Consider incorporating more visual storytelling within the scene to enhance the emotional impact. Show the characters' expressions, gestures, and reactions to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.

5. Strengthen the conflict: Introduce more conflict or tension between the characters to create a more compelling scene. This could be done through disagreements, misunderstandings, or contrasting desires. This will add depth and complexity to the scene.

6. Enhance the pacing: Adjust the pacing of the scene to maintain the audience's interest. Consider adding moments of suspense, surprise, or humor to keep the scene engaging and entertaining.

7. Develop the setting: Provide more description and details about the setting to help set the mood and immerse the audience into the scene. This can be done through atmospheric descriptions, sensory details, or specific actions that enhance the visual experience.



Scene 6 -  Dorothy's Vision
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
PROFESSOR
Her -- her name is Emily.

CU -- Dorothy -- Camera shooting past Professor -- Dorothy reacts --

DOROTHY
That's right. What's she doing?

PROFESSOR
Well, I -- I can't quite see. Why, she's crying.

DOROTHY
Oh --

PROFESSOR
Someone has hurt her -- someone has just
about broken her heart.

DOROTHY
Me?

MCU -- Professor -- camera shooting past Dorothy --

PROFESSOR
Well, it's -- it's someone she loves very
much. Someone she's been very kind to.
Someone she's taken care of in sickness.

CU -- Dorothy reacts -- speaks -- Camera shooting past Professor --

DOROTHY
I had the measles once -- and she stayed
right by me every minute.

PROFESSOR
Uh-huh.

DOROTHY
What's she doing now?
MCU - Professor looks into crystal - Camera shooting past Dorothy -

PROFESSOR
Well, she's - she's going into a little bed....

CU - Dorothy - Camera shooting past Professor -

PROFESSOR
...room --

DOROTHY
Has it poppies on the wall....

MCU - Professor - Camera shooting past Dorothy

DOROTHY
...paper?

PROFESSOR
I said it had poppies on the wall paper! Eh
-- she's -- What's this? Why, she's --
she's putting her hand on her heart -- she's
-- she's dropping down on the....

CU -- Dorothy reacts -- Camera shooting Professor -- he speaks -- exits
right --

PROFESSOR
...bed.

DOROTHY
Oh, no -- no!

PROFESSOR
That's all -- the Crystal's gone dark.

DOROTHY
Oh, you....

MCS -- Dorothy and Professor -- Dorothy jumps up -- picks up her basket --
goes to b.g. --

DOROTHY
...you don't suppose she could really be
sick, do you? Oh -- Oh, I've got to go home
right away!

PROFESSOR
But -- what's this? I thought you were
going along with me.

DOROTHY
Oh, no, no, I have to get to her right....

MCS -- Dorothy picks up Toto -- CAMERA PANS as she comes forward down
steps -- she speaks to Toto -- reacts -- CAMERA PANS left as she runs to
b.g. -- picks up suitcase -- puts Toto to ground -- both run up hill in
b.g. -- wind blowing leaves around --
DOROTHY
...away! Come on, Toto! Oh, what'll I do?
If we go home, they'll send you to the
Sheriff. And if we don't, Aunt Em may --
well, she may die! I know what I'll do -
I'll give you to Hunk. He'll watch out for
you. But we've got to hurry. Goodbye,
Professor Marvel -- and thanks a lot!

MLS -- Professor comes out of wagon -- CAMERA PANS him left to horse --
wind blowing -- Professor looks around -- starts out left with horse --

PROFESSOR
Better get under cover, Sylvester --
there's a storm blowing up -- a whopper, to
speak in the vernacular of the peasantry.
Poor little kid -- I hope she gets home all
right.

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

MS -- Farm Yard -- chickens fly down into yard -- run to b.g. toward barn
-- wind blowing weeds and dust -- CAMERA PANS up -- Uncle Henry runs
forward -- speaks to Hunk -- Hunk exits into barn at left -- Uncle Henry
comes forward -- CAMERA TRUCKS back to Hickory working on wind machine --
they speak -- then hurry to b.g. -- Zeke in b.g. runs forward -- Hickory
exits into barn --

UNCLE HENRY
Hunk, get them horses loose! Where's
Hickory. Hickory! Hickory! Doggone it!
Hick --

HICKORY o.s.
Right here.

UNCLE HENRY
Hey, what are you doing there?

HICKORY
This is my chance! The cyclone is coming.
Let me show you what my machine can do!
You see, it goes --

UNCLE HENRY
Doggone you! Help Hunk get them horses
loose!

HICKORY
All right - you'll be sorry.

UNCLE HENRY
Go on, hurry up! Hurry up, I tell you!

LS -- Zeke points up to sky -- Hunk and others drive horses out of barn --

ZEKE
She's here -- it's a twister!

ELS -- The Gale Farm -- Cyclone approaching --

MLS -- Aunt Em runs out of house -- cups hands to her mouth -- calls o.s.
-- runs to b.g. to corner of house -- calls o.s. --
AUNT EM
Dorothy! Dorothy!

MLS -- Dorothy and Toto near fence -- Dorothy looks to b.g. to house --
Genres: ["fantasy","drama"]

Summary Dorothy sees a vision of Aunt Em in distress and becomes worried. She decides to go home immediately, leaving the Professor behind. The farmhands prepare for a storm. The cyclone approaches and Aunt Em calls out for Dorothy.
Strengths "Emotionally impactful scene with high stakes and strong conflict."
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be stronger."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would offer the following critique for the scene:

1. Dialogue: The dialogue in the scene is mostly functional and lacks depth. It primarily serves to convey necessary information and lacks emotional depth or character development. Adding more complexity and depth to the dialogue would enhance the scene.

2. Pacing: The pacing of the scene feels slow and could benefit from some tightening. There are moments where the conversation seems to drag, and trimming unnecessary dialogue or adding more dynamic action could improve the overall flow.

3. Visuals: The scene relies heavily on dialogue to convey the story, but it could benefit from more visual elements. More visual cues and actions could enhance the storytelling and provide a more engaging experience for the audience.

4. Characterization: The characters could be further developed in the scene. Although it is a short exchange, adding more personality and distinct traits to each character would make them more memorable and relatable.

5. Emotional Impact: The emotional impact of the scene could be heightened. Adding more emotional depth and exploring the internal struggles of the characters would help create a stronger connection with the audience.

6. Conflict and Tension: The scene lacks conflict and tension, which are crucial for engaging storytelling. Introducing conflicts or obstacles that the characters have to overcome would make the scene more compelling and increase the stakes.

Overall, the scene could benefit from stronger dialogue, improved pacing, more visual elements, enhanced characterization, increased emotional impact, and the introduction of conflict and tension.
Suggestions The scene can be improved by focusing on the visual storytelling and enhancing the emotional impact. Here are some suggestions:

1. Provide more specific visual descriptions: Instead of relying solely on dialogue, add more visual cues to help the reader visualize the scene better. For example, describe the expression on Dorothy's face, the tears in her eyes, or the way her hands tremble.

2. Add more sensory details: Use sensory descriptions to make the scene more immersive. Describe the wind blowing through the trees, the sound of Dorothy's footsteps as she runs, or the smell of the approaching storm.

3. Show, don't tell the characters' emotions: Instead of having the characters explicitly state their emotions, let their actions and reactions speak for themselves. Show Dorothy's concern for her aunt through her body language, such as clutching her chest or biting her lip.

4. Create stronger visual contrasts: Enhance the visual contrast between the crystal ball scene and the storm approaching. For example, describe the crystal ball glowing with vibrant colors, contrasting with the darkening sky outside or the fading light from the crystal ball as the storm approaches.

5. Use shorter, more impactful dialogue: Condense the dialogue to convey the same information with fewer words, keeping it more concise and impactful. For example, instead of saying "Well, she's - she's going into a little bed...room," the professor could say, "She's going to bed."

6. Add more urgency and stakes: Increase the urgency of Dorothy's need to get home by adding a time constraint or consequence if she doesn't make it in time. For instance, instead of saying "Aunt Em may die," you could make it more urgent by saying "Aunt Em might not survive the storm if I'm not there to help her."

7. Use more specific and vivid descriptions: Instead of saying "There's a storm blowing up," describe the storm with more detail. For example, "A dark and menacing storm cloud looms on the horizon, lightning crackling across the sky, and the wind picking up speed, threatening to uproot trees."

8. Use stronger action verbs: Choose more descriptive and dynamic action verbs to make the scene more vivid and engaging. For instance, instead of saying "Aunt Em runs out of the house," you could say "Aunt Em rushes out of the house, her heart pounding in her chest."

9. Add visual cues to signal danger: Use visual cues to foreshadow the impending danger of the cyclone. For example, describe the chickens scurrying and squawking, the trees swaying violently, or the distant sound of thunder growing louder.

10. Consider adding more dynamic camera angles: Use camera angles to create visual interest and capture the characters' emotions. For example, instead of always shooting past the characters, include close-ups, over-the-shoulder shots, or wide angles to enhance the cinematic feel of the scene.

By implementing these suggestions, the scene will become more visually engaging and emotionally impactful, drawing the reader deeper into the story.



Scene 7 -  Dorothy's Journey Begins
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
LS -- Uncle Henry -- Hunk -- Hickory and Zeke -- they turn horse loose --
it runs out right --

UNCLE HENRY
Come on -- everybody in the storm cellar!

MLS -- Dorothy and Toto moving forward against the wind -- weeds and
sticks blowing thru -- Dorothy stops -- picks up Toto --

MLS -- Aunt Em on porch -- Uncle Henry -- Hunk -- Zeke and Hickory run in
-- Aunt Em calls o.s. again -- then all start into storm cellar --

AUNT EM
Henry! Henry! I can't find Dorothy! She's
somewhere out in the storm! Dorothy!

MLS -- Dorothy carrying Toto -- pushes gate open -- makes her way thru
wind -- CAMERA PANS right as she goes up on to porch of house -- chair and
things blow off the porch -- Dorothy opens screen door -- the door blows
off -- Dorothy exits into house --

MLS -- Zeke and Hunk exit into storm cellar -- close the cellar door --

MLS -- Dorothy in Living room -- CAMERA PANS left as she runs across room
-- calls o.s. -- TRUCKS back as she hurries forward to kitchen -- then
exits door left --

DOROTHY
Auntie Em! Auntie Em!

ELS -- The Gale farm -- the Cyclone approaching --

MS -- Dorothy sitting on edge of bed -- holding Toto in her arms -- the
window blows loose -- hits Dorothy on the head -- she falls to floor -
then gets up dazed - sits on edge of bed - Toto jumps up near her - she
lies back on bed --

ELS - The Gale Farm - Cyclone hits it - swirling dust circles house -

ELS - The house spinning up thru dust -

ELS - The house spinning up thru dust - other wreckage flying thru -

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

CU - Dorothy lying on bed - opens her eyes - looks around -

MS - Dorothy and Toto on bed - Dorothy sits up - CAMERA TRUCKS back as she
sits up - looks out window - sees trees, furniture, etc. flying thru -

MS - Dorothy looking out window - turns - speaks to Toto -

DOROTHY
We're not on the ground, Toto!

MLS - Shooting thru window - Chicken coop flies thru - then a little old
lady sitting ie rocking chair - knitting -

MS - Dorothy and Toto - Dorothy reacts -
MLS - Shooting thru window - Cow floats thru - Cow mooing -

MS - Dorothy and Toto - Toto barks - jumps down off the bed - (Cow o.s.
mooing)

MCS - Toto crawls under bed -

MS -- Dorothy sitting on bed -- looking out window to b.g. -- reacts as
various things float thru -- Two men in row boat float in -- both tip
their hats to Dorothy -- Dorothy waves to them --

MCS - Toto looks out from under bed - Cow moos o.s. - he darts back under
the bed -

MLS - Shooting through window - Cow floats thru -

MCS - Dorothy rises - looks o.s. -

MLS - Shooting thru window - tree floats thru -

MCS -- Dorothy reacts -- turns --

DOROTHY
We must be up inside....

MCS -- Toto looks out from under bed --

DOROTHY o.s.
...the cyclone.

CS - Dorothy looking o.s. out window - reacts - CAMERA PANS as she sits on
edge of bed -

MS -- Dorothy -- seated on edge of bed -- looking out window -- Miss Gulch
floats in -- riding her bicycle -- Dorothy reacts -- looks down to Toto --
Miss Gulch moves in closer to window -- her bicycle changes to broomstick
-- her clothes into the flying robe and pointed hat --

MCS - Dorothy looking o.s. - reacts - puts her hands over her eyes -

MLS -- Dorothy lies face down on the bed -- Miss Gulch floating thru in
b.g. -- disappears --

MS -- the swirling funnel of the cyclone -- the house spins in apart from
the cyclone --

MLS - Dorothy holding Toto in her arms - throws herself down on the bed -
screams -

ELS - The spinning house - the cyclone whirling in the background -
(Dorothy screaming)

MLS -- Dorothy and Toto lying on bed -- house spinning -- Dorothy
screams --

ELS - The house whirling down thru dust - exits lower right -

ELS -- The house whirls in at top -- floats down thru --

ELS -- The house floating down thru clouds --

MLS -- Dorothy and Toto lying on bed -- the house crashes to ground --
Dorothy screams -- she looks around -- then gets up off the bed -- goes to
b.g. -- picks up the basket -- opens door --
MCS -- Dorothy walks forward -- looking around o.s. -- CAMERA PANS as she
walks to right f.g. -- exits --

Int. Farm House -- MCS -- Dorothy enters from l.f.g. and opens the door
to reveal Munchkinland -- CAMERA BOOMS forward through the door and around
to the right -- to shoot down on FULL SHOT of Civic Center of the Munchkin
Village -- Dorothy looks around confused by it all --

MLS -- Dorothy with Toto in her arms looks about the Village and speaks --
Munchkins rise before camera in f.g. and watch her --

DOROTHY
Toto -- I've a feeling we're not in Kansas
anymore.

CS -- Dorothy with Toto in her arms -- looks about and speaks --

DOROTHY
We must be over the rainbow!

LS -- Dorothy puts Toto down to the ground -- turns to the b.g. -- reacts
and backs slowly toward the camera -- exits right-


LAP DISSOLVE TO:

MLS -- Glinda looks o.s. to the right to Dorothy --

MCU -- Dorothy look o.s. to l.f.g. -- reacts -- speaks --

DOROTHY
Now I -- I know we're not in Kansas.

MLS -- Glinda -- CAMERA PANS her right to Dorothy and Toto -- CAMERA
TRUCKS forward -- they speak --

GLINDA
Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

DOROTHY
Who, me? Why, I'm not a witch at all. I'm
Dorothy Gale from Kansas.

GLINDA
Oh! Well....

CS -- Toto -- Dorothy's feet in b.g. --

GLINDA o.s.
...is that the Witch?

DOROTHY
Who, Toto?

MCS -- Glinda and Dorothy -- they speak and look o.s. to l.f.g.--
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary After a mishap with Hickory's invention, Dorothy seeks advice from the farmhands and is encouraged by Zeke to stand up to Miss Gulch. Dorothy confronts Miss Gulch and refuses to let her take Toto away. Aunt Em stands up to Miss Gulch as well. Dorothy runs away with Toto.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes Dorothy's desire to protect Toto and her determination to stand up to Miss Gulch. The interactions between the characters provide humor and a sense of camaraderie."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks deep emotional resonance and the dialogue could be more compelling."
Critique This scene effectively conveys the chaos and danger of the storm that Dorothy finds herself in. The use of various shot sizes and camera movements helps to create a sense of movement and urgency. The dialogue is clear and concise, effectively communicating the characters' actions and emotions. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

One area for improvement is the use of camera directions. The script includes a lot of unnecessary camera movements and panning, which can be distracting for readers. The camera directions should be used sparingly and only when necessary to convey important visual information.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more specific and vivid descriptions of the actions and reactions of the characters. This would help to engage the reader and enhance the visual storytelling of the scene.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the transition from Dorothy's home to Munchkinland, but a few tweaks to the camera directions and descriptions of the characters' actions could help to further enhance the scene.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Provide more context: In the current scene, it is unclear why the characters are in a storm cellar or what is happening outside. Adding a brief establishing shot or dialogue to explain the storm and the need for shelter would help provide clarity.

2. Clarify character actions: It is unclear why Dorothy stops and picks up Toto in the midst of the storm. Adding a moment of danger or urgency to prompt her to rescue Toto would make her action more meaningful.

3. Add more visual description: The scene lacks specific visual details, making it difficult for the reader or viewer to imagine what is happening. Adding specific details about the storm, the objects flying by, and the characters' reactions would help enhance the visuals and build tension.

4. Include more dialogue: The dialogue in the scene is minimal and lacks depth. Adding some meaningful lines for the characters, especially during the storm and when they realize they are no longer in Kansas, would help engage the audience and further develop the story.

5. Consider pacing: The scene could benefit from some variation in pacing to create a more dynamic and engaging sequence. For example, speeding up the action during the storm and slowing down during key moments of realization or dialogue exchanges can help create a more impactful scene.

Remember to always consider the overall story and narrative flow when making revisions.



Scene 8 -  Dorothy Meets Glinda
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
DOROTHY
Toto's my dog.
GLINDA
Well, I'm a little muddled. The Munchkins
called me because a new witch has just
dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the
East. And there's the house, and here you
are, and that's all...

MCS -- Wicked Witch of the East's feet protruding from under the farm
house --

GLINDA o.s.
...that's left of the Wicked Witch of the
East.

MCU -- Dorothy looks o.s. to l.f.g. -- reacts --

GLINDA o.s.
And so what the Munchkins want to know...

MCU -- Glinda looks o.s. to Dorothy and speaks --

GLINDA
...is, are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

MCU -- Dorothy looks to l.f.g. -- speaks -- reacts to noise o.s. --

DOROTHY
Oh, but I've already told you, I'm not a
witch at all -- witches are old and ugly.
What was that?

MCU -- Glinda looks to r.f.g. and speaks --

GLINDA
The Munchkins. They're laughing because I
am a witch. I'm Glinda, the Witch of the
North.

MCU -- Dorothy looks to l.f.g. -- reacts -- speaks -- curtsies --

DOROTHY
You are! Oh, I beg your pardon! But I've
never heard of a beautiful....

MCU -- Glinda looks to r.f.g. and speaks --

DOROTHY o.s.
...witch before.

GLINDA
Only bad witches are ugly.

MCS -- Glinda and Dorothy -- they speak -- Dorothy reacts to noise o.s. --
CAMERA TRUCKS back -- Munchkins enter from b.g. behind flowers -- Glinda
sings --

GLINDA
The Munchkins are happy because you have
freed them from the Wicked Witch of the
East.

DOROTHY
Oh. But, if you please -- what are
Munchkins?
GLINDA
The little people who live in this land --
it's Munchkinland, and you are their
national heroine, my dear. It's all right
-- you may all come out and thank her. It's
all right now - you may all come out.

GLINDA
(sings)
Come out, come out, wherever you are

And meet the young lady who fell from a
star.

LS -- Dorothy and Glinda -- Toto with them -- Munchkins in f.g. -- others
enter in b.g. -- Glinda leads Dorothy toward the b.g. as she sings --
CAMERA BOOMS up and forward --

GLINDA
(sings)
She fell from the sky, she fell very far.
And Kansas she says is the name of the star.

MLS -- Munchkins -- one rises from manhole in street -- they sing and move
toward the r.f.g. --

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
Kansas she says is the name of the star.

LS -- Dorothy, Glinda and Toto with them -- Munchkins watch them as they
move to pond -- Glinda sings --

GLINDA
(sings)
She brings you good news. Or haven't you
heard?
When she fell out of Kansas, a miracle
occurred.

MCS -- Glinda and Dorothy standing by the pond -- Dorothy sings --
Munchkins in b.g. --

DOROTHY
(sings)
It really was no miracle. What happened was
just this:
The wind began to switch -- the house to
pitch
And suddenly the hinges started to unhitch.
Just then, the witch -- to satisfy an itch --
Went flying on her broomstick thumbing for...

MLS -- Munchkin dances forward and sings -- others behind him move to him
and sing --

DOROTHY o.s.
(sings)
...a hitch.

A MUNCHKIN
And oh, what happened then was rich!
SEVERAL MUNCHKINS
The house began to pitch
The kitchen took a slitch

MCS -- Munchkins -- CAMERA TRUCKS along past Munchkins as they sing --

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
It landed on the Wicked Witch
In the middle of a ditch
Which was not a healthy situation
For the Wicked Witch.

LS -- Munchkins as they dance and sing -- CAMERA BOOMS back entering
Glinda and Dorothy at right --

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
The house began to pitch
The kitchen took a slitch
It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle
of a ditch
Which
Was not a healthy....

LS -- Carriage drawn by ponies comes forward -- CAMERA TRUCKS back before
it -- Munchkins gather around -- Dorothy and Glinda at right -- Munchkins
sing --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy meets Glinda, the Witch of the North, who tells her that she is a national heroine and has freed the Munchkins from the Wicked Witch of the East. The Munchkins come out and thank Dorothy. Glinda and Dorothy move towards a pond while the Munchkins sing about the miracle that occurred when Dorothy's house landed on the Wicked Witch. A carriage drawn by ponies arrives.
Strengths "Whimsical tone, introduction of Glinda and the Munchkins, catchy musical numbers"
Weaknesses "Lack of substantial conflict, dialogue could be stronger"
Critique Overall, this scene from "The Wizard of Oz" is effectively written and provides important exposition to the audience.

The dialogue between Dorothy and Glinda is clear and concise, effectively conveying the information about the house falling on the Wicked Witch of the East and Dorothy being in a new land. The back-and-forth conversation between the two characters drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

The visual descriptions in the scene are also well-written. The use of Master Close-Up (MCS) and Medium Close-Up (MCU) shots to focus on the characters' reactions and actions helps to convey their emotions and interactions with each other. The inclusion of descriptions for off-screen (o.s.) sound and action adds depth to the scene and helps the reader imagine the events taking place.

The introduction of the Munchkins and their song adds a whimsical and magical element to the scene. The use of different shot sizes and camera movements effectively captures the Munchkins' movement and choreography.

One suggestion for improvement would be to break up the long blocks of dialogue and description into smaller paragraphs or action lines. This would make the scene easier to read and follow.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the introduction of the Munchkins and establishes the main conflict and premise of the story. The dialogue and visual descriptions work together to create a vivid and engaging scene.
Suggestions - Consider adding more specific and descriptive actions to enhance the visual storytelling. For example, instead of just saying "Dorothy reacts to noise," describe her expression or body language to show her curiosity or surprise.
- Use dialogue tags sparingly and only when necessary. In some instances, it may be clearer to have the characters' actions and reactions speak for themselves.
- Break up the dialogue with more action lines to create a better balance between dialogue and visuals.
- Consider adding more visual details to the scene to make it more engaging. For example, describe the surroundings, the costumes of the characters, or any props they may be holding.
- Pay attention to the pacing of the scene. If necessary, cut or condense dialogue or action lines to keep the scene moving smoothly.
- Consider adding some character development or conflict within the scene to make it more interesting. This could involve adding a small disagreement or tension between Dorothy and Glinda or revealing more about Dorothy's emotions and motivations.
- Consider the flow and transitions between shots. Make sure the camera movements and angles have clear purpose and contribute to the overall narrative.



Scene 9 -  Munchkins Celebrate
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 7
MUNCHKINS
(sing)
....sitch-
Uation for
The Wicked Witch,
Who
Began to twitch
And was reduced
To just a stitch
Of what was once....

MS -- Glinda and Dorothy -- Munchkins in b.g. -- Dorothy starts to move
toward the l.f.g. --

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
...The Wicked....

LS -- Carriage, Glinda, Dorothy and Munchkins -- Dorothy moves to the
carriage and is helped in -- Munchkins sing and dance --

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
...Witch!

MS -- Dorothy carriage facing Munchkins in b.g. -- one steps forward from
crowd and speaks -- another follows and speaks -- Dorothy turns to f.g. as
Glinda speaks o.s. --

MUNCHKIN NO. 1
We thank you very sweetly
For doing it so neatly.
MUNCHKIN NO. 2
You've killed her so completely
That we thank you very sweetly.

GLINDA o.s.
Let the joyous news be spread

MCS -- Glinda looks to f.g. and speaks -- Munchkins in b.g. --

GLINDA
The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead!

LS -- Dorothy in carriage -- Glinda standing on dais at left -- carriage
moves toward b.g. followed by procession of soldiers -- CAMERA BOOMS
forward as carriage turns and comes toward f.g. -- Munchkins sing and
dance --

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Which old Witch?
The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up, you sleepy head.
Rub your eyes
Get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked...

MLS -- Dorothy in carriage -- CAMERA PANS right slightly with her -- she
exits right as procession of soldiers enter and march to right -- CAMERA
TRUCKS back --

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
...Witch is dead!
She's gone where the Goblins go
Below...Below...Below
Yo -- ho, let's open up and sing
And ring the bells out.
Ding Dong! The merry-oh!
Sing it high
Sing it....

LS -- Carriage with Munchkins following -- CAMERA TRUCKS back slightly as
carriage comes forward to steps at right --

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
...low
Let them know
The Wicked Witch is dead!

MLS -- Three Heralds move forward from building -- Mayor enters and comes
forward followed by Barrister and City Fathers -- CAMERA BOOMS back over
Dorothy in carriage in f.g. -- Mayor moves to carriage -- Dorothy steps
from the carriage and Mayor leads her toward the b.g. --

MCS -- Dorothy and Mayor -- Mayor leads her to Barrister and City Fathers
-- turns and speaks -- Barrister and City Fathers and Mayor sing --

MAYOR
As Mayor of the Munchkin City
In the County of the Land of Oz
I welcome you most regally
BARRISTER
But we've got to verify it legally
To see...

MAYOR
To see?

BARRISTER
If she...

MAYOR
If she?

BARRISTER
Is morally, ethic'ly

FATHER NO. 1
Spiritually, physically

FATHER NO. 2
Positively, absolutely

ALL OF GROUP
Undeniably and reliably
Dead!

MCS -- Glinda on dais of fountain -- she looks o.s. to f.g. and smiles --

MLS -- Coroner moves up steps toward the r.f.g. -- CAMERA PANS right
slightly as he moves to Mayor and Dorothy -- unrolls scroll and sings --
scroll reads: CERTIFICATE OF DEATH --

CORONER
As Coroner, I must aver
I thoroughly examined her.
And she's not only merely dead,
She's really, most sincerely dead.

MLS -- Dorothy, Mayor, Barrister and City Fathers -- Mayor steps forward
and looks to the f.g. and sings --

MAYOR
Then this is a day of Independence
For all the Munchkins and their descendants!

BARRISTER
If any!

MAYOR
Yes, let the joyous news be spread.

LS -- Mayor, Dorothy, Barrister, City Fathers and Munchkins gathered at
steps -- Mayor speaks -- Munchkins cheer and dance --

MAYOR
The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead!

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
Ding Dong! The Witch is dead.
Which old witch?
The Wicked Witch!
MLS -- Munchkins move up steps to the left -- CAMERA BOOMS up with them
and holds on kids sleeping in nest -- BOOMS on and then down as Munchkins
come forward from between huts and sing and dance --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary The Munchkins celebrate the death of the Wicked Witch of the East and welcome Dorothy as a hero.
Strengths "Catchy song and dance numbers, Visual spectacle of Munchkin City, Establishment of Dorothy as a hero"
Weaknesses "Lack of substantial character development or plot advancement"
Critique This scene from "The Wizard of Oz" showcases the celebration of the Munchkins after the death of the Wicked Witch. Here are some aspects to consider in the critique:

1. Song lyrics: The lyrics of the Munchkins' songs are catchy and concise, effectively conveying their joy and relief at the witch's demise. The repetition of certain phrases ("Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead") adds to the overall impact.

2. Visual composition: The scene is described with various shot sizes, from medium shots to long shots, capturing different elements and characters. The composition ensures that important action and dialogue are clear and visible to the audience. The use of camera movement, such as tracking and booms, adds visual interest and fluidity to the scene.

3. Choreography: The Munchkins' singing and dancing is lively and engaging. The movement and synchronization of the Munchkins enhance the celebratory atmosphere, creating an energetic and joyful mood.

4. Character actions and interactions: The interactions between Dorothy, Glinda, and the Munchkins are well established. Dorothy's gradual involvement in the scene is effectively conveyed through her movement towards the carriage and interaction with the Munchkins. The Munchkins' gratitude towards Dorothy is expressed through their dialogue and reactions.

Overall, this scene effectively communicates the Munchkins' celebration and relief at the demise of the Wicked Witch. The song lyrics, visual composition, choreography, and character interactions contribute to the lively and joyous tone of the scene.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and captures the celebratory mood of the Munchkins. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Visual clarity: The scene includes several camera movements and changes in location. It would be helpful to provide more specific descriptions of the camera angles and movements, as well as the placement of characters in the scene. This will make it easier for the director and cinematographer to visualize and execute the scene.

2. Dialogue flow: Some of the dialogue feels a bit clunky and could benefit from smoother transitions and more natural language. For example, in the exchange between the Mayor and Barrister, the repetition of "To see... If she..." could be simplified for better flow.

3. Characterization: While the scene mainly focuses on the Munchkins' celebration of the Wicked Witch's death, there is an opportunity to add more depth to the characters of Glinda and Dorothy. Consider adding a moment specifically for Glinda to interact with Dorothy and congratulate her on defeating the Witch. This will strengthen their relationship and give Dorothy a moment to react to the Munchkins' gratitude.

4. Emotional impact: The scene could benefit from adding a stronger emotional beat, particularly when the Munchkins sing about the Witch's death. Consider exploring ways to show their relief and freedom after living under the Witch's rule. This could be done through visuals, such as the Munchkins dancing with joy, or through the dialogue and actions of the characters.

By addressing these suggestions, you can enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene and create a more engaging experience for the audience.



Scene 10 -  Munchkins
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
MUNCHKINS
(sing)
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead!
Wake up, you sleepy head!
Rub your eyes,
Get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead!
She's gone where the Goblins go
Below...below...below.
Yo ho, let's open up and sing,
And ring the bells out.
Ding Dong! The merry-oh!
Sing it high,
Sing it low.
Let them know
The Wicked Witch is dead!

LS -- Munchkin soldiers parade and march -- CAMERA BOOMS back and up as
they come forward -- Dorothy, Mayor and others entered on steps at right --
others in b.g. --

MLS -- Soldiers lined up before steps -- three tots move in through line
of soldiers and CAMERA PANS them right entering Dorothy standing on steps
-- they dance and sing -- exit left -- three tough kids come forward --

THREE TOTS
(sing)
We represent the Lullaby League, the Lullaby
League,
The Lullaby League
And in the name of the Lullaby League
We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland.

MCS -- Three Tough Kids look to r.f.g. and sing and dance-

THREE TOUGH KIDS
(sing)
We represent the Lollypop Guild, the
Lollypop Guild,
The Lollypop Guild
And in the name of the Lollypop Guild

MLS -- Three Tough Kids sing and hand Lollypop to Dorothy standing on
steps at right -- they move to other Munchkins in b.g. -- CAMERA BOOMS up
as they come forward and sing --

THREE TOUGH KIDS
(sing)
We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland.

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
We welcome you to Munchkinland
Tra la la la la la
Tra la la tra la la
Tra la la la la la la

MS -- Dorothy standing with Mayor, Barrister and City Fathers -- she turns
from one to the other as they sing
MAYOR
From now on you'll be history

BARRISTER
You'll be hist...

CITY FATHER
You'll be hist...

MAYOR
You'll be history

GROUP
And we will glorify your name

MAYOR
You'll be a bust...

BARRISTER
Be a bust...

CITY FATHER
Be a bust...

GROUP
In the hall of fame!

LS -- Dorothy, Mayor and City Fathers -- camera shooting past Munchkins in
f.g. -- CAMERA BOOMS with them as they come forward -- Glinda enters --
Munchkins gather before Glinda and City Fathers and Dorothy and sing --
smoke cloud appears and Witch enters -- Munchkins react

MUNCHKINS
(sing)
Tra la la la la
Tra la la tra la la
Tra la la la la la.. . . . . .

CS -- Witch -- looks o.s. to Munchkins -- Munchkins in b.g. -- react and
run -- CAMERA BOOMS left with Witch to farm house -- she looks at Witch of
the East's feet protruding from under the farm house --

Ext. Civic Center of Munchkin Village -- MCS -- Dorothy and Glinda --
Dorothy holding Toto as she looks o.s. to left f.g. -- is frightened --
speaks with Glinda --

DOROTHY
I thought you said she was dead.

GLINDA
That was her sister -- the Wicked Witch of
the East. This is the Wicked Witch of the
West. And she's worse than the other one
was.

MS -- The Wicked Witch turns away from the farm house -- CAMERA PANS,
TRUCKS right with her as she goes to Dorothy and Glinda -- the Munchkins
are prostrate on the ground in b.g. -- The Witch speaks with Glinda and
Dorothy --

WITCH
Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch
of the East? Was it you? Answer me!
GLINDA
Leave her alone!

WITCH
You stay out of this! I'm here for
vengeance! So it was you, was it? You killed
her,....

CS -- Dorothy and Glinda -- Dorothy speaks to the Witch o.s. in f.g. --

WITCH
...didn't you?

DOROTHY
No -- No! It was an accident! I didn't mean
to kill anybody!....

MCU -- Witch -- speaks to Dorothy o.s. -- waves her broomstick about --

DOROTHY o.s.
...Really I didn't!

WITCH
Didn't mean it, eh? Accident, eh? Well, my
little pretty, I can cause accidents, too
-- and this is how I do it!

GLINDA o.s.
Aren't you forget-....

MS -- Witch, Dorothy and Glinda -- Munchkins on the ground in b.g. -- The
Witch reacts as Glinda speaks - CAMERA TRUCKS left with her as she turns,
goes back to the wrecked farm house --

GLINDA
...ting the ruby slippers?
Genres: ["Fantasy","Musical","Adventure"]

Summary The Munchkins celebrate the death of the Wicked Witch of the East and welcome Dorothy as a hero.
Strengths "The scene creates an upbeat and celebratory atmosphere, showcasing the impact Dorothy has had on the Munchkins. The songs and dances add charm and entertainment value."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and the theme could be developed further."
Critique The scene starts off with a lively and catchy song sung by the Munchkins, which sets a whimsical tone. The camera movements are described well, capturing the parade of Munchkin soldiers and the entrance of Dorothy and the Mayor. The introduction of the Lullaby League and the Lollypop Guild adds more colorful characters to the scene.

However, the scene lacks dialogue and character development. It mainly consists of musical numbers and camera movements, without much substance in terms of plot or character interaction. It would be beneficial to have more dialogue between the characters to establish their personalities and motivations.

The transition to the arrival of Glinda and the confrontation with the Wicked Witch is somewhat abrupt. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or a clearer setup to this encounter. Additionally, the dialogue between the Witch, Dorothy, and Glinda is a bit repetitive and could be trimmed down for more concise and impactful storytelling.

Overall, while the scene has catchy songs and visually interesting elements, it could benefit from more depth in terms of character development and storytelling.
Suggestions - Add more description and detail to the scene to create a clearer visual image for the reader. For example, describe the costumes and set design of the Munchkins, the Mayor, the Barrister, and the City Fathers to help set the tone and atmosphere.
- Reformat the dialogue so that each character's lines are on separate lines, making it easier to read and follow the dialogue.
- Consider breaking up the scene into smaller, more manageable chunks, allowing for clearer and more concise action and dialogue. This will make it easier for the reader to visualize and follow the scene.
- Use more specific and varied action verbs to enhance the physical movements of the characters and create a more dynamic scene. For example, instead of "they dance and sing," specify what type of dance they are doing.
- Add more emotion and depth to the dialogue and character interactions. This can be done by incorporating character thoughts, reactions, and subtext to show their motivations and intentions.
- Consider including more sensory details to enhance the visuals and immerse the reader in the world of the scene. This can include describing the sounds of the singing, the movement of the characters, and the reactions of the Munchkins.
- Ensure that the purpose and importance of the scene to the overall story is clear. Does it advance the plot, develop the characters, or contribute to the themes and motifs? If not, consider revising or removing the scene.



Scene 11 -  Escape from the Wicked Witch
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
WITCH
The slippers -- yes.....the slippers!

MS -- The Witch of the East's legs protruding from underneath the wrecked
house -- the ruby slippers disappear and the stockings are drawn back
under the house --

CS -- The Witch reacts as she looks down -- then turns, looks back to o.s.
f.g. -- speaks --

WITCH
They're gone!

MLS -- The Witch kneeling down by the house -- she rises, CAMERA TRUCKS
her right to Dorothy and Glinda -- Glinda stops her, points down to
Dorothy's feet --

WITCH
The ruby slippers! What have you done with
them? Give them back to me, or I'll ---

GLINDA
It's too late! There they....

CU -- The ruby slippers on Dorothy's feet -- Glinda's wand points to
them --
GLINDA o.s.
...are, and there they'll stay!

MCU -- Dorothy and Glinda -- Dorothy reacts as she looks down -- gasps as
she looks at the Witch o.s., then up at Glinda --

DOROTHY
Oh!

WITCH o.s.
Give me back my slippers!

MCU -- Witch speaks to Dorothy o.s.--

WITCH
I'm the only one that knows how to use them.
They're of no use to you! Give them back to
me!

MCU -- Dorothy and Glinda -- Glinda advises Dorothy --

WITCH o.s.
Give them back!

GLINDA
Keep tight inside of them -- their magic
must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want
them so badly!

MS -- The Witch rises, threatens Dorothy -- Glinda laughs, speaks -- the
Witch reacts, looks up o.s. -- then continues to threaten Dorothy --

WITCH
You stay out of this, Glinda, or I'll fix
you as well!

GLINDA
(laughs)
Oh, rubbish! You have no power here. Be
gone, before somebody drops a house on you,
too.

WITCH
Very well -- I'll bide my time -- and as
for you, my fine lady, it's true, I can't
attend to you here and now as I'd like, but
just try to stay out of my way....

MCU -- Witch threatens Dorothy o.s. in f.g. --

WITCH
... -- just try! I'll get you, my....

MCU -- Dorothy and Glinda -- Dorothy reacts as the Witch laughs o.s. --

WITCH o.s.
...pretty, and your little dog, too!
(laughs)

MLS -- The Witch backs away from Dorothy and Glinda as the CAMERA BOOMS
back -- she laughs menacingly -- the Munchkins hug the ground with fear --
the Witch disappears in a cloud of fire and smoke --

MCS -- Glinda and Dorothy -- Glinda speaks to the Munchkins o.s.
GLINDA
It's all right. You can get up -- she's
gone.

LS- The Munchkins all rise, start to move toward Glinda and Dorothy as
Glinda speaks to them --

GLINDA
It's all right. You can all get up.

MCS -- Glinda and Dorothy -- CAMERA PULLS back as Glinda speaks -- the
Munchkins enter, crowd about the two -- they bow as Glinda mentions the
Wizard of Oz - CAMERA TRUCKS to left as Glinda and Dorothy move down steps
of fountain dais -- Glinda instructs Dorothy, kisses her on the forehead --
CAMERA PANS Dorothy left as she walks through the Munchkins to the start
of the Yellow Brick Road --

GLINDA
Pooh -- what a smell of sulphur! I'm afraid
you've made rather a bad enemy of the Wicked
Witch of the West. The sooner you get out
of Oz altogether, the safer you'll sleep, my
dear.

DOROTHY
Oh, I'd give anything to get out of Oz
altogether -- but which is the way back to
Kansas? I can't go the way I came.

GLINDA
No -- that's true. The only person who might
know would be the great and wonderful Wizard
of Oz himself!

DOROTHY
The Wizard of Oz? Is he good or is he
wicked?

GLINDA
Oh, very good, but very mysterious. He
lives in the Emerald City, and that's a
long journey from here. Did you bring your
broomstick with you?

DOROTHY
No, I'm afraid I didn't.

GLINDA
Well, then, you'll have to walk. The
Munchkins will see you safely to the border
of Munchkinland. And remember, never let
those ruby slippers off your feet for a
moment, or you will be at the mercy of the
Wicked Witch of the West.

DOROTHY
But, how do I start for Emerald City?

GLINDA
It's always best to start at the beginning
-- and all you do is follow the Yellow Brick
Road.

CS -- Dorothy turns, starts to speak to Glinda o.s. in f.g. --
DOROTHY
But -- what happens if I ---

CS -- Glinda speaks to Dorothy o.s. in f.g. --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy confronts the Wicked Witch of the East, who demands her ruby slippers back. Glinda advises Dorothy to keep the slippers, as they are powerful. The Witch threatens Dorothy and Glinda but is ultimately defeated and disappears in a cloud of smoke. Glinda tells Dorothy to leave Oz and seek the Wizard of Oz in the Emerald City. Dorothy asks for directions and Glinda instructs her to follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Strengths "The scene effectively develops the conflict between Dorothy, Glinda, and the Wicked Witch. It also introduces the importance and power of the ruby slippers. The dialogue adds tension and the scene moves the story forward by directing Dorothy towards the next step in her journey."
Weaknesses "While the scene establishes conflict and tension, it could benefit from more depth in character development and more memorable dialogue."
Critique The scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension between the Witch, Dorothy, and Glinda. The dialogue is clear and concise, allowing the audience to understand the conflict and stakes of the scene. The actions and reactions of the characters are also well-described, helping to visualize the scene.

One area for improvement is the formatting. It would be clearer and easier to read if the scene headings (MS, CS, MLS, MCU, etc.) were consistently capitalized. Additionally, it would be helpful to include character names before their dialogue to make it easier to follow who is speaking.

Overall, the scene effectively moves the plot forward and builds suspense, although a few minor formatting changes would enhance readability.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the action: The scene description is a bit unclear in some parts. Specify the characters' movements and reactions more clearly to help the reader visualize the scene better.

2. Add more emotion: Explore the characters' emotions and reactions in the scene. This will make the dialogue more impactful and engaging for the audience. For example, describe Dorothy's fear or confusion when the Witch threatens her.

3. Develop the tension: Build up the tension between the Witch, Dorothy, and Glinda. Show the escalating conflict and make the audience feel the stakes of the situation. This could involve adding more intimidation and defiance in the dialogue exchanges.

4. Utilize visual cues: Take advantage of visual cues and details to enhance the scene. Consider adding descriptions of the surroundings, such as the ruby slippers sparkling or the Witch's menacing presence.

5. Incorporate character traits: Emphasize the distinctive qualities of the characters. Show the difference between Glinda's calm and power and the Witch's anger and evil. Develop their unique voices and motivations to make the scene more dynamic.

6. Streamline dialogue: Trim down repetitive dialogue and add variety to the conversation. Make sure each line of dialogue contributes to the scene's progression or reveals something about the characters.

7. Create a stronger ending: Consider a more impactful ending to the scene. Find a way to leave the audience wanting more or end on a cliffhanger that sets up the next scene.

Remember to always consider the overall story when making changes to a scene. The goal is to enhance the scene's impact within the context of the larger narrative.



Scene 12 -  Follow the Yellow Brick Road
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
GLINDA
Just follow the Yellow Brick Road.

CS -- Dorothy look up o.s., open-mouthed with astonishment -- she speaks --
CAMERA PANS down to her feet as she starts to follow the Yellow Brick Road
-- CAMERA PULLS back slightly as she walks around it -- the Mayor steps
in, speaks to her -- other Munchkins speak -- CAMERA PANS left with
Dorothy as she progresses along the road -- other Munchkins give her
advice --

DOROTHY
My -- ! People come and go so quickly here!
Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the
Yellow Brick Road?

MAYOR
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.

1ST MUNCHKIN
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.

WOMAN
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.

BARRISTER
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.

ELS -- Shooting down from high set-up to Dorothy on the Yellow Brick Road
-- the Munchkins all grouped along the border of the road -- CAMERA BOOMS
up as they sing while Dorothy walks around the road --

FIDDLERS
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.

Follow the Yellow Brick
Follow the...

LS -- Dorothy comes forward down the Munchkin-lined Yellow Brick Road --
she dances, skips along -- CAMERA BOOMS rapidly back along the road ahead
of her -- Munchkins entered lined up along the road -- all greet her, then
follow her down the road -- the Five Fiddlers sing as they head the
procession -- Dorothy passes through the gates of Munchkinland and exits
to f.g. -- the Munchkins stop at the gates --
FIDDLERS
(sing)
...Yellow Brick
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
You're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Wiz there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz there was
The Wizard of Oz
Is one because
Because, because, because, because,
because...
Because of the wonderful things he does....

ELS -- Dorothy dances down the Yellow Brick Road to the b.g. -- camera
shooting over the heads of the Munchkins in the f.g. as they sing to her --
she turns, waves to them -- they wave back and Dorothy continues on down
the road as the Munchkins cheer --

FIDDLERS
(sing)
You're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

ELS -- Ext. Cross Roads of Yellow Brick Road -- Dorothy and Toto come
forward along the road from b.g. - CAMERA BOOMS down to left as she pauses
in the center of the cross roads -- looks about, speaks --

DOROTHY
Follow the Yellow Brick Road? Follow the
Yellow....?

MCU -- Dorothy, puzzled as she looks about o.s. --

DOROTHY
Now which way do we go?

LS -- Dorothy standing in the center of cross roads -- a Scarecrow on a
pole in the cornfield at right -- he speaks, points to right -- Dorothy
whirls about and looks at him --

SCARECROW
That way is a very nice way.

CS -- Scarecrow, his arm pointing to right --

CU -- Dorothy, a bit frightened as she looks about o.s. - she speaks,
looks down at Toto as he barks o.s. --

DOROTHY
Who said that?

CU -- Toto barking at the Scarecrow o.s. --

MLS -- The Scarecrow in the field of corn -- Toto barks o.s. --

MCU - Dorothy looks down and speaks to Toto o.s. --

DOROTHY
Don't be silly, Toto. Scarecrows....
MLS -- The Scarecrow in field in b.g. -- camera shooting past Dorothy in
f.g. -- the Scarecrow speaks, points to left with his other arm --

DOROTHY
...don't talk.

SCARECROW
It's pleasant down that way, too.

CU -- Dorothy reacts, watches the Scarecrow o.s. -- speaks to Toto --
looks up as the Scarecrow speaks o.s.

DOROTHY
That's funny. Wasn't he pointing the other
way?

SCARECROW o.s.
Of course, people do....

MLS -- Scarecrow in field -- shooting past Dorothy in f.g. -- the
Scarecrow crosses his arms and points in both directions --

SCARECROW
...go both ways!

MCU -- Dorothy reacts, speaks as she starts forward --

DOROTHY
Why....

LS -- Dorothy steps forward to the cornfield as she speaks to the
Scarecrow -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward --

DOROTHY
...you did say something, didn't you?

CS- The Scarecrow shakes his head, then nods --

MLS -- Dorothy looking at the Scarecrow as he nods his head -- she speaks
to him --

DOROTHY
Are you doing that on purpose, or can't you
make up your mind?

MCU -- The Scarecrow explains -- shows his straw head --

SCARECROW
That's the trouble. I can't make up my
mind. I haven't got a brain -- only straw.

MCS -- Dorothy questions the Scarecrow o.s. in f.g. --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy meets Glinda, the Witch of the North, who tells her that she is a national heroine and has freed the Munchkins from the Wicked Witch of the East. The Munchkins come out and thank Dorothy. Glinda and Dorothy move towards a pond while the Munchkins sing about the miracle that occurred when Dorothy's house landed on the Wicked Witch. A carriage drawn by ponies arrives. The Munchkins celebrate the death of the Wicked Witch of the East and welcome Dorothy as a hero. Dorothy confronts the Wicked Witch of the East, who demands her ruby slippers back. Glinda advises Dorothy to keep the slippers, as they are powerful. The Witch threatens Dorothy and Glinda but is ultimately defeated and disappears in a cloud of smoke. Glinda tells Dorothy to leave Oz and seek the Wizard of Oz in the Emerald City. Dorothy asks for directions and Glinda instructs her to follow the Yellow Brick Road. Dorothy and Toto start following the Yellow Brick Road, as the Munchkins and other characters sing and dance.
Strengths "Strong character development, clear motivation for Dorothy's journey, engaging and memorable songs"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels repetitive"
Critique Overall, this scene effectively sets up the start of Dorothy's journey along the Yellow Brick Road. The dialogue between Glinda, the Mayor, and the Munchkins helps establish the importance of following the road. The singing and dancing by the Munchkins adds energy and excitement to the scene.

One improvement that could be made is to make the actions and movements of the characters more clear. For example, when Dorothy is supposed to be walking along the Yellow Brick Road, it would be helpful to describe her actual movement and progression instead of just saying the camera pans with her. Additionally, the camera movements could be more specific and descriptive to enhance the visual storytelling.

The dialogue is generally effective in conveying the necessary information and setting the tone, but it could benefit from some more character development. For example, we could learn more about Dorothy's thoughts and feelings as she embarks on this journey. Including more internal dialogue or thoughts could help make her character more relatable and three-dimensional.

Additionally, some of the stage directions could be more specific and concise. For example, instead of saying "the Munchkins stop at the gates," it would be clearer to say "the Munchkins come to a stop at the gates." This would improve the pacing and flow of the scene.

Overall, this scene effectively introduces the Yellow Brick Road and sets up the next stage of Dorothy's journey in an engaging way. With some minor improvements to character development and clarity of actions, this scene could be even stronger.
Suggestions - Consider adding more detail and imagery to enhance the visual aspect of the scene. For example, describe the expressions and reactions of the characters, the setting, and any unique characteristics of the Yellow Brick Road or Munchkinland.
- Provide more specific stage directions for camera movements and shots to guide the director and cinematographer in capturing the scene effectively.
- To create a stronger emotional impact, emphasize Dorothy's astonishment and excitement as she follows the Yellow Brick Road and interacts with the Munchkins. Describe her reactions and body language in more detail.
- Consider adding more dialogue or interaction between Dorothy and the other characters, such as the Mayor, Munchkins, or Fiddlers, to develop their relationships and personalities further.
- Create a clear and logical flow between actions and dialogue. Make sure the dialogue feels natural and advances the story or character development.
- Pay attention to pacing and rhythm. Break up the scene with shorter paragraphs and use action lines to separate dialogue for better readability.
- Consider adding some variety or musicality in the dialogue, such as different tones of voices or rhythmical patterns, to make the scene more engaging and dynamic.
- Check for any grammar, punctuation, or formatting errors to ensure a professional and polished script.



Scene 13 -  Meeting the Scarecrow
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
DOROTHY
How can you talk if you haven't got a....

MCU -- Scarecrow speaks to Dorothy o.s.in f.g. --

DOROTHY o.s.
...brain?
SCARECROW
I don't know. But some people without
brains do an awful lot of talking, don't
they?

MCS -- Dorothy nods, speaks --

DOROTHY
Yes, I guess you're right.

MLS -- Dorothy steps over the fence and into the cornfield -- speaks as
she steps up to the Scarecrow -- CAMERA STARTS forward --

DOROTHY
Well, we haven't really met properly, have
we?

MCU -- Scarecrow --

SCARECROW
Why, no.

CS -- Dorothy curtsies, speaks --

DOROTHY
How do you do?

CS -- Scarecrow nods, speaks --

SCARECROW
How do you do?

CS -- Dorothy speaks --

DOROTHY
Very well, thank you.

MLS -- Dorothy standing in front of the Scarecrow -- the Scarecrow
complains about his position --

SCARECROW
Oh, I'm not feeling at all well. You see,
it's very tedious being stuck up here all
day long with a pole up your back.

MCU -- Dorothy --

DOROTHY
Oh, dear -- that must be terribly
uncomfortable. Can't you get down?

MLS -- Scarecrow on pole -- Dorothy standing in front of him -- they speak
-- she moves around to the back of the pole --

SCARECROW
Down? No, you see, I'm -- Well, -- I'm --

DOROTHY
Oh, well, here -- let me help you.

SCARECROW
Oh, that's very kind of you -- very kind.
CS -- Dorothy examining the back of the Scarecrow as she tries to unfasten
him --

DOROTHY
Well, oh, dear -- I don't quite see....

MCU -- The Scarecrow reacts, looks down at Dorothy o.s.

DOROTHY o.s.
...how I can --

SCARECROW
Of course, I'm not bright about doing
things, but if you'll just....

CS -- Dorothy starts to follow the Scarecrow's directions --

SCARECROW o.s.
...bend the nail down in the back, maybe
I'll slip off and...

DOROTHY
Oh....

MLS -- Dorothy turns the nail and the Scarecrow falls to the ground --

DOROTHY
...yes.

SCARECROW
Ohhhh --

DOROTHY
Ohh!

MS -- The Scarecrow falls into scene -- Dorothy enters, questions him as
he puts back some straw into his coat that had dropped out -- the
Scarecrow rises, starts to whirl about --

SCARECROW
Whhhooops! Ha-ha -- there goes some of me
again!

DOROTHY
Oh -- does it hurt you?

SCARECROW
Oh, no -- I just keep picking it up and
putting it back in again.

DOROTHY
Ohhh --

SCARECROW
My, it's good to be....

MLS -- Dorothy screams as the Scarecrow whirls about and falls over the
cornfield fence -- she rushes to him -- the CAMERA TRUCKS forward as she
kneels beside him -- they speak --

SCARECROW
...free!
DOROTHY
Oh! Oh! Ohhh!

SCARECROW
Did I scare you?

DOROTHY
No, No -- I -- I just thought you hurt
yourself.

MCU -- Scarecrow -- shooting past Dorothy in right f.g.

SCARECROW
But I didn't scare you?

MCU -- Dorothy -- shooting past the Scarecrow in left f.g. --

DOROTHY
No -- of course not.

MCU -- The Scarecrow reacts, speaks -- shooting past Dorothy in the right
f.g. --

SCARECROW
I didn't think so.

MCS -- The Scarecrow and Dorothy seated by fence -- a crow flies in from
left and alights on the Scarecrow's shoulder --

MCU -- Dorothy reacts as she sees the crow o.s. --

SCARECROW o.s.
Boo! Scat!

MCS -- Scarecrow and Dorothy -- the crow hops to the Scarecrow's shoulder,
picks up some of the Scarecrow's straw and flies away with it -- Scarecrow
speaks to Dorothy --

SCARECROW
Boo! You see, I can't even scare a crow!
They come from miles....

MCU -- Dorothy listening --

SCARECROW o.s.
...around just to eat in my field and laugh
in my face!

MCU -- The Scarecrow --

SCARECROW
Oh, I'm a failure, because I haven't got a
brain.

MCU -- Dorothy reacts, speaks --

DOROTHY
Well, what would you do with a brain if you
had one?
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy encounters the Scarecrow and helps him get down from the pole. They have a conversation about brains and scarecrows. The Scarecrow laments his lack of a brain while Dorothy reassures him.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Introduction of new character
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot development
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the characters' dialogue and actions. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Formatting: The scene description could be more concise and organized. Instead of using multiple shot abbreviations (MCU, MLS, CS, etc.), it would be clearer to simply describe the camera movements and actions in a more standard format.

2. Dialogue Flow: Some of the dialogue exchanges feel a bit forced and unnatural. For example, the line "Well, oh, dear -- I don't quite see...." could be rephrased to sound more conversational and less scripted.

3. Visual Description: There are moments where the visual descriptions could be more vivid and specific. For instance, when the Scarecrow falls over the cornfield fence, more detail about his physical movements and the impact of the fall could enhance the scene's visual impact.

4. Characterization: While the dialogue conveys the Scarecrow's desire for a brain, it might benefit from further exploration of his character. Adding more specific details or moments that highlight his lack of intelligence or wisdom could help the audience connect with him more strongly.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the dynamic between Dorothy and the Scarecrow, but some tweaks in the writing could make it even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the spatial relationships: It can be confusing to understand where the characters are positioned in relation to each other. Add specific camera directions or descriptive language to make it clear.

2. Show the characters' emotions: Make sure to include more descriptions of the characters' emotions and body language to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

3. Add more action: Incorporate more physical actions throughout the scene to make it visually engaging. For example, instead of just talking, have the characters interact with their environment or perform small tasks.

4. Cut down on unnecessary dialogue: Some parts of the dialogue could be streamlined or cut to improve the pacing of the scene. Keep only the most essential lines that move the story forward or reveal important information about the characters.

5. Add subtext: Consider adding subtext to the dialogue to create layers of meaning and enhance the characters' relationships. This can make the scene more engaging and interesting for the audience.

6. Consider the overall tone: Make sure the tone of the scene aligns with the rest of the script. If necessary, adjust the dialogue or actions to maintain consistency.

7. Think about character development: Use the scene to reveal more about the characters, their motivations, and their personalities. This will add depth and complexity to their interactions.

8. Check for clarity: Read through the scene again to ensure that the audience will be able to understand what is happening and what the characters are feeling. Make any necessary edits or clarifications.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the scene and make it more engaging and effective in conveying the story and characters.



Scene 14 -  The Scarecrow Finds Hope
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
MCS -- Scarecrow and Dorothy -- shot favoring the Scarecrow -- they speak
-- he begins to sing -- CAMERA PULLS back as he rolls down to the Yellow
Brick Road -- Dorothy rises, moves to him -- holds him up as he starts to
fall --
SCARECROW
Do? Why, if I had a brain, I could --
(sings)
I could while away the hours,
Conferrin' with the flowers,
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
I'd unravel every riddle
For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain.

CS -- Dorothy holds the Scarecrow as she sings -- shot favoring Dorothy --

DOROTHY
(sings)
With the thoughts you'll be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain.

MCS -- Dorothy holding the Scarecrow as he sings -- he jumps, whirls about
-- CAMERA TRUCKS forward as he goes into a sitting position, then PANS up
with him as he rises beside Dorothy, continues to sing --

SCARECROW
(sings)
Oh, I could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore
I could think of things I never thunk
before,
And then I'd sit -- and think some more.
I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry...

MCS - Scarecrow and Dorothy - she watches as he sings, dances about - he
whirls, jigs about - falls to his knees - Dorothy reacts - CAMERA TRUCKS
forward as he dances back up the Yellow Brick Road - then PULLS back as he
comes forward to Dorothy again - he dances to left to the cornfield -
CAMERA PANS left - he falls over the fence, then rolls back under it as
Dorothy rushes to help him - he reacts, sits on the curb of the road -

SCARECROW
(sings)
...Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain!

MCS - The Scarecrow seated on curb of road as Dorothy looks down at him -
CAMERA PULLS back as he feels about his coat - Dorothy points to some of
his straw on the road - a crow flies into the scene and lands near the
straw - the Scarecrow reacts -

MCS - The Scarecrow trembles with fear as Dorothy tries to comfort him -

MCU - The crow picks up the straw and flies up --

MLS - Dorothy and the Scarecrow react as the crow flies out to left with
the straw in his mouth - CAMERA BOOMS up to left as the Scarecrow rises,
goes to the fence and shakes his fist at the crow flying over the
cornfield in the b.g. -

MLS - The Scarecrow dances back to right along the road as the CAMERA
PULLS back, PANS right with him - Dorothy rushes to him, stops him and
points o.s. to left -

LS - The crow lands in the cornfield -

MCS - Dorothy and the Scarecrow looking o.s. to left - the Scarecrow
reacts, assures Dorothy - then the CAMERA PULLS back as he dances forward,
gains momentum and runs out to left -

LS - The Scarecrow runs to left, makes a big jump over the cornfield as
the CAMERA PANS with him -

MLS - The Scarecrow jumps in from right and lands in the cornfield -
several crows fly out of the corn -

MS - Dorothy runs forward to the fence, reacts as she looks o.s. to f.g. -

MS - The Scarecrow moves to right through the corn stalks - CAMERA TRUCKS
right - he bends down, finds his straw and stuffs it back into his coat -

MLS - The Scarecrow runs forward, jumps into the air and flies out to
right f.g. -

LS - The Scarecrow soars over the field to the road - Dorothy waves to him

MS - The Scarecrow falls into the scene as he lands on the Yellow Brick
Road - CAMERA PULLS back as Dorothy rushes to him - the Scarecrow begins
to dance again, doing a series of splits -

CS - Toto jumps on a pumpkin, starts it rolling out onto the Yellow Brick
Road at right - CAMERA PANS right -

LS - Toto follows the pumpkin as it rolls forward down the road - CAMERA
PULLS back between the Scarecrow's legs - the pumpkin hits the Scarecrow,
hitting the Scarecrow up out of scene - Dorothy looks on, frightened -

LS - CAMERA PANS up with the Scarecrow as he soars up into the air -

LS - Shooting down from the Scarecrow's angle to Dorothy as she looks up
o.s. -

MS - CAMERA PANS down with the Scarecrow as he falls back toward the road -
exits out of shot -

MLS - The Scarecrow falls back into scene and lands on the Yellow Brick
Road - he runs out to left -

MLS - CAMERA PULLS back before the Scarecrow as he dances forward, bumping
into one side of fence, then bouncing from that to the fence on the other
side of road, then back to the fence at left, and so on down the road -
CAMERA PANS right with him as he runs forward past Dorothy and falls
through a fence which breaks under his weight -

CS - The Scarecrow sits up, looks about - blinks his eyes -

CS - Dorothy reacts as she starts forward, looks o.s. to f.g. -

REVERSE ACTION shot of Scene 93 (MLS - CAMERA PULLS back before the
Scarecrow as he dances forward, bumping into one side of fence, then
bouncing from that to the fence on the other side of road, then back to
the fence at left, and so on down the road - CAMERA PANS right with him as
he runs forward past Dorothy and falls through a fence which breaks under
his weight)
MLS - The Scarecrow bounces off a fence rail and starts to dance forward
down the road as he sings - CAMERA PULLS back ahead of him - Dorothy
entered - he sings to her - some straw falls from his coat - the Scarecrow
slumps to the ground - Dorothy starts to bend down -

SCARECROW
(sings)
Gosh, it would be awful pleasin'
To reason out the reason
For things I can't explain.
Then perhaps I'll deserve you,
And be even worthy erv you
If I only had a brain.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy meets the Scarecrow and helps him down from the pole. They have a conversation about brains and scarecrows. The Scarecrow laments his lack of a brain while Dorothy reassures him.
Strengths
  • Positive and hopeful tone
  • Musical number adds entertainment value
Weaknesses
  • Limited conflict and stakes
Critique The scene features the Scarecrow and Dorothy singing and dancing on the Yellow Brick Road. The camera moves with the characters as they interact and the Scarecrow sings about wanting a brain.

First, in terms of structure, the scene seems to flow smoothly from one action to another, building momentum as it progresses. The camera movements and placement effectively capture the characters' movements and actions.

However, there are a few areas that can be improved upon.

First, the dialogue itself could be more nuanced and subtle. While the Scarecrow's desire for a brain is clear, the lyrics of the song could be developed further to add depth and complexity to his character.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more varied camera angles and shots. While the camera movement is mostly fluid and follows the action well, there could be more diversity in shot choices to add visual interest. This could include close-ups on characters' facial expressions to emphasize their emotions and reactions, or wider shots to capture the environment and the characters' movement within it.

Finally, the pacing of the scene could be improved. Some of the actions and movements feel rushed, which prevents the audience from fully appreciating the characters' performances. Slowing down the tempo slightly and allowing for more pauses or moments of stillness would give the scene more impact.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from further development in terms of dialogue, camera angles, and pacing.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and captures the essence of the Scarecrow's character and his desire for a brain. However, here are a few suggestions to make it even better:

1. Enhance the visual descriptions: The scene relies heavily on visuals, so try to provide more vivid and detailed descriptions to help the readers visualize the actions and movements. For example, instead of just saying "he jumps, whirls about," describe the specific acrobatic moves he does or the way he spins and twirls.

2. Improve the flow of the dialogue: The dialogue could be broken up into smaller, more natural chunks to improve the rhythm and pacing. Rather than having one long monologue split between Dorothy and the Scarecrow, consider breaking it up into shorter lines of dialogue for a more dynamic and engaging conversation.

3. Add character reactions and emotions: In some parts, especially during the singing parts, it would be helpful to include character reactions and emotions. This will add depth and make the scene more emotionally resonant. For example, describe how Dorothy reacts to the Scarecrow's singing, whether she's moved by his words or finds it endearing.

4. Consider incorporating more character movement: Since the Scarecrow is a physical character, try to incorporate more movement for him to showcase his physicality. For example, instead of just stating that he falls through a fence, describe the way he tumbles or how he performs a comical acrobatic maneuver before he falls.

5. Strive for clarity in action sequences: Some action sequences, like the Scarecrow jumping over the cornfield or bouncing between fences, could benefit from clearer and more concise descriptions. Make sure it is easy for the reader to visualize the movements and understand what is happening on screen.

6. Strengthen the emotional arc: Throughout the scene, it would be helpful to emphasize the Scarecrow's emotional journey, from longing for a brain to feeling doubt and then joy when the crow returns the straw. Show Dorothy's empathy and support for the Scarecrow, creating a strong emotional connection between the characters and the audience.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene and create a more engaging and memorable moment in the film.



Scene 15 -  Meeting the Scarecrow
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
MLS -- Ext. Yellow Brick Road -- Dorothy rushes to the Scarecrow lying on
the road -- she picks up some of his straw -- kneels by him --

CS -- Dorothy kneeling by the Scarecrow -- she speaks as she helps him put
back some of the straw -- they react -- Scarecrow half-rises --

DOROTHY
Wonderful! Why, if our Scarecrow back in
Kansas could do that, the crows'd be scared
to pieces!

SCARECROW
They would?

DOROTHY
Um-hmm.

SCARECROW
Where's Kansas?

DOROTHY
That's where I live. And I want to get back
there so badly I'm going all the way to
Emerald City to get the Wizard of Oz to help
me.

SCARECROW
You're going to see a Wizard?

DOROTHY
Um-hmm.

SCARECROW
Do you think if I went with you this Wizard
would give me some brains?

DOROTHY
I couldn't say. But even if he didn't,
you'd be no worse off than you are now.

SCARECROW
Yes -- that's true.

DOROTHY
But maybe you'd better not. I've got a
witch mad at me, and you might get into
trouble.
SCARECROW
Witch? Huh! I'm not afraid of a witch!
I'm not afraid of anything --- except a
lighted match.

DOROTHY
I don't blame you for that.

SCARECROW
But I'd face a whole box full of them for
the chance of getting some brains. Look --
I won't be any trouble, because I don't eat
a thing -- and I won't try to manage things,
because I can't think. Won't you take me
with you?

MCU -- Dorothy -- shooting past Scarecrow in right f.g.

DOROTHY
Why, of course I will!

LS -- Dorothy and the Scarecrow rise from the road -- the Scarecrow jumps
up -- yells -- Dorothy holds him up -- they speak -- they start to sing --
CAMERA BOOMS to left as they walk down the road and exit to b.g. --

SCARECROW
Hooray! We're off to see a Wizard!

DOROTHY
Oh -- well -- you're not starting out very
well.

SCARECROW
Oh, I'll try! Really, I will.

DOROTHY
To Oz?

SCARECROW
To Oz!

BOTH
(sing)
We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Wiz there was
If ever oh ever a Wiz there was,
The Wizard of Oz
Is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does.
We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Dorothy and Scarecrow come forward along Yellow Brick Road -- CAMERA
PULLS back to show Wicked Witch hiding behind tree at left -- she turns,
exits to left -- Dorothy reacts as she sees the apple orchard at right
- she goes up to one of the trees -- CAMERA STARTS TO BOOM forward on
her --
DOROTHY
Oh -- apples -- Oh look! Oh. Oh ---

MCS -- Dorothy standing by the First Tree -- she picks an apple off --
reacts as the tree takes the apple back and slaps Dorothy's hand --

DOROTHY
Ouch!

MCU -- First Tree opens its "mouth" -- speaks to Dorothy o.s. --

TREE
What do you think you're doing?

MCS -- Dorothy replies to the tree -- then reacts --

DOROTHY
We've been walking a long ways and I was
hungry and -- Did you say....

MCU -- The First Tree -- gestures as it speaks --

FIRST TREE
She....

MLS -- Scarecrow and Dorothy standing before the First Tree as it speaks
to the Second Tree in b.g. --

FIRST TREE
...was hungry! Well, how would you like to
have someone come along and pick something
off of you?

MCU -- Scarecrow and Dorothy react, speak as they look o.s. at the tree --

DOROTHY
Oh, dear -- I keep forgetting I'm not in
Kansas.

SCARECROW
Come along, Dorothy -- you don't want any
of those apples. Hmm!

MCU -- First tree reacts, and speaks --

FIRST TREE
What do you mean - she doesn't want any of
those apples? Are you hinting my apples
aren't what they ought to be?

MCU -- Scarecrow and Dorothy --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy meets the Scarecrow, who laments his lack of brains. Dorothy reassures him and they decide to go to the Emerald City together.
Strengths "Strong character development, engaging dialogue, progression of the plot"
Weaknesses "Lack of high stakes, theme could be stronger"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively moves the story forward. The dialogue between Dorothy and the Scarecrow reveals their character traits and motivations. The scene also introduces some conflict with the Wicked Witch and the apple trees.

One aspect that could be improved is the pacing of the dialogue. Some lines feel rushed and could benefit from slowing down and allowing the actors to fully inhabit the moments. This would give more weight to the emotions and the humor of the dialogue.

Additionally, there are opportunities to enhance the visual storytelling in the scene. The description of the actions is mostly effective, but adding more sensory details and specific visuals would engage the audience and make the scene more immersive.

Overall, the scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Dorothy and the Scarecrow and sets up upcoming conflicts. With some adjustments to pacing and visual description, it could be even more impactful.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and serves its purpose of establishing the relationship between Dorothy and the Scarecrow. However, here are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Visualizing the scene: Make the action and settings more vivid by adding some sensory details. For example: "Dorothy rushes to the Scarecrow lying on the road -- she picks up some of his straw -- it feels prickly in her hands -- she kneels by him --"

2. Characterization: Show the characters' emotions and reactions more explicitly. For instance, instead of "they react -- Scarecrow half-rises," you can write "Scarecrow winces in pain as Dorothy helps him put back some of the straw -- he struggles to stand up but manages to do so with Dorothy's support."

3. Dialogue: Consider adding more depth and subtext to the dialogue to reveal the characters' motivations and desires. For example, rather than simply stating "I've got a witch mad at me, and you might get into trouble," Dorothy could say "I've angered a wicked witch and she's vowed to do me harm - I don't want anyone else to suffer because of me."

4. Pacing: Condense and tighten the dialogue for a more efficient exchange. For instance, instead of "Do you think if I went with you this Wizard would give me some brains? I couldn't say. But even if he didn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now," you could write "Do you think the Wizard would give me brains if I went with you? Maybe, maybe not. But you'd still be no worse off than now."

5. Visual progression: Consider enhancing the visual progression of the scene. For example, as Dorothy and the Scarecrow rise from the road, you can describe their newfound confidence and determination by illustrating their body language and expressions.

By incorporating these suggestions, you can enhance the scene and make it more engaging for the readers and viewers.



Scene 16 -  Rescuing the Tin Man
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
SCARECROW
Oh, no! It's just that she doesn't like
little green....

MCU -- The Tree reacts, makes a grab for the two o.s. --

SCARECROW o.s.
...worms!

TREE
Oh....
MLS -- The First Tree grabs for the two -- the Scarecrow fights him off as
Dorothy runs out to right f.g. -- the Scarecrow follows her out --

TREE
...you...

SCARECROW
Go -- Go!

TREE
...Oh -- Help -- let me out. I'll give you
little green....

MCS -- Dorothy -- the Scarecrow backs in from left f.g. -- gestures at the
Trees o.s. -- speaks -- then makes faces at the trees --

TREE o.s.
...worms.

SCARECROW
I'll show you how to get apples.

TREE o.s.
You can't....

MS -- The First tree winds up, throws apples o.s. to f.g. --

TREE
...do that to me! I'll....

MCS -- Scarecrow and Dorothy react as the apples begin to hit them -- the
Scarecrow falls back to the road --

TREE o.s.
...show you!

LS -- Shooting past the Trees at left as they throw apples at Scarecrow
and Dorothy and Toto in the b.g. -- The Scarecrow rises, dodges about --

TREES
You can't do that! You can't do that! Hey!

CS -- First Tree laughs as it throws apples to f.g. --

SCARECROW o.s.
Hooray!

LS -- Shooting past the Trees at left as they throw apples at the
Scarecrow and Dorothy in the b.g. -- Scarecrow picks them up --

SCARECROW
Hooray! I guess that did it! Help yourself.

DOROTHY
Oh --

MS -- Dorothy comes forward as she picks up the apples -- CAMERA PANS and
TRUCKS forward as she starts to pick up two apples -- she sees a tin foot
-- reacts -- examines it -- CAMERA PULLS back and BOOMS up as she stands
up by the Tin Man -- Scarecrow comes in from left -- CAMERA PULLS back as
they examine him -- he tries to speak -- Dorothy picks up the oil can --

DOROTHY
Why, it's a man! A man made out of tin!
SCARECROW
What?

DOROTHY
Yes. Oh -- look --

TIN MAN
Oil can.....Oil can....

DOROTHY
Did you say something?

TIN MAN
Oil can....

SCARECROW
Oil can what?

DOROTHY
Oil can? Oh -- oh, here it is!

MCS -- Scarecrow and Dorothy examine the Tin Man -- he tries to speak --
they oil him about the mouth --

DOROTHY
Where do you want to be oiled first?

TIN MAN
My mouth -- my mouth!

SCARECROW
He said his mouth.

DOROTHY
Here -- here --

SCARECROW
The other side....

DOROTHY
Yes --- there.

CU -- The Tin Man tries to speak -- squeaks out a few sounds --

TIN MAN
Mm.....mm...mm....

MCS -- Dorothy and Scarecrow listen as the Tin Man starts to speak --
Dorothy starts to pull the axe arm of the Tin Man down -- Scarecrow oils
him --

TIN MAN
...m...m...my, my, my, my goodness -- I can
talk again! Oh -- oil my arms, please -- oil
my elbows.

DOROTHY
Oh...

MLS -- Dorothy lowers the right arm of the Tin Man so that it hangs
naturally -- Scarecrow busy with the oil can -- the Tin Man begins his
story --
TIN MAN
Oh --

DOROTHY
...Oh, did that hurt?

TIN MAN
No -- it feels wonderful. I've held that
axe up for ages. Oh ---

DOROTHY
Oh, goodness! How did you ever get like
this?

TIN MAN
Oh -- well, about a year ago -- I was
chopping that tree -- minding my own
business -- when suddenly it started to
rain....

MCS -- Scarecrow and Dorothy listen to the Tin Man -- he grows weak --
they work his arms back and forth -- Scarecrow oils his neck for him --
Dorothy raps on the Tin Man's chest -- they react -- Tin Man explains,
then steps backward toward tree --

TIN MAN
...and right in the middle of a chop, I...I
rusted solid. And I've been that way ever
since.

DOROTHY
Well, you're perfect now.
Genres: ["Fantasy"]

Summary Dorothy and the Scarecrow encounter the Tin Man, who is stuck and unable to move. They oil him and he tells them how he became rusted and unable to move.
Strengths "Character development, dialogue, humor"
Weaknesses "Lack of high stakes, limited conflict"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and action. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

First, the dialogue could be more natural and polished. Some lines feel a bit awkward and could benefit from smoother phrasing or more nuanced characterization. For example, the line "Oh -- look" could be rephrased to be more specific or emotive.

Second, the staging and blocking could be clearer. It is sometimes difficult to understand the spatial relationships and movements of the characters. Adding more specific descriptions of the characters' positions and movements would help the reader visualize the scene more clearly.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more detailed descriptions of the characters' emotions and reactions. This would enhance the emotional impact of the scene and deepen the audience's engagement with the characters.

Overall, with some small adjustments to the dialogue, staging, and emotional descriptions, the scene has the potential to be even stronger.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the actions and reactions of the characters by specifying who is talking or doing something in each line of dialogue.

2. Add more visual descriptions to help the reader visualize the scene better. For example, instead of just saying "the Tree reacts," describe how it reacts, such as "the Tree's branches whip towards the Scarecrow and Dorothy, as if trying to grab them."

3. Break up the dialogue into smaller chunks to avoid long blocks of text. This will make it easier for the reader's eye to follow along and keep them engaged.

4. Consider adding more physical actions and reactions to show the emotions and intentions of the characters. For example, instead of just saying "Scarecrow fights him off," add in details about how he fights off the tree, such as "Scarecrow swings his arms wildly, knocking away the Tree's branches."

5. Show the characters' individual voices and personalities through their dialogue. For example, instead of having both the Scarecrow and Tree say "Oh," give them distinct ways of speaking, such as "Scarecrow: Oh no, not again!" and "Tree: Oh, you think you can trick me?"

6. Consider adding some stakes or conflict to the scene to add tension and keep the reader engaged. Maybe the Tree threatens to keep the Scarecrow captured unless they give him something valuable. This will create a clear goal for the characters and raise the stakes of the scene.

7. Revise any repetitive phrases or lines of dialogue. For example, instead of having the Trees repeatedly say, "You can't do that," find alternative ways for them to express their anger or defiance. This will prevent the dialogue from becoming monotonous.

8. Check for grammar and punctuation errors throughout the script to ensure smooth reading and clarity.



Scene 17 -  The Tin Man
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
TIN MAN
My...my neck. My...my neck. Perfect? Oh
-- bang on my chest if you think I'm
perfect. Go ahead -- bang on it!

DOROTHY
Oh --!

SCARECROW
Beautiful! What an echo!

TIN MAN
It's empty. The tinsmith forgot to give me
a heart.

DOROTHY AND SCARECROW
No heart?

TIN MAN
No heart.

DOROTHY
Oh --

TIN MAN
All hollow. Oh --

CS -- Tin Man falls back as Scarecrow and Dorothy enter to help him -- he
holds them off -- begins to sing --
TIN MAN
(sings)
When a man's an empty kettle,
He should be on his mettle.
And yet I'm torn apart.
Just because I'm presumin'
That I could be kind-a human,
If I only had a heart.

MCU -- Tin Man leans over toward Dorothy and sings as CAMERA PANS left
slightly -- then leans back --

TIN MAN
(sings)
I'd be tender -- I'd be gentle
And awful sentimental
Regarding Love and Art
I'd be friends with sparrows...

CS -- Dorothy and Scarecrow listening to the Tin Man -- he comes forward
slightly -- reacts as he hears Snow White's Voice o.s. -- then continues
with song --

TIN MAN
(sings)
...And the boy who shoots the arrows
If I only had a heart.
Picture me....a balcony....Above a voice
sings low.

SNOW WHITE'S VOICE
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

TIN MAN
I hear a beat....how sweet!
Just to register emotion
Jealousy -- Devotion --
And really feel the part,
I could stay young and chipper,
And I'd lock it with a zipper,
If I only had a heart...!

MLS -- Dorothy, Tin Man and Scarecrow -- the Tin Man Comes forward as he
starts his dance -- Dorothy and Scarecrow -- CAMERA PULLS back -- he stops
as one of his joints sticks -- Dorothy oils it -- Tin Man comes forward a
few more steps, then the other knee sticks -- they oil that for him -- he
thanks them -- CAMERA PULLS back, PANS left as he runs backwards down the
road and starts his dance --

MCS -- Dorothy and Scarecrow watching o.s. to left f.g.

MLS -- Shooting past Scarecrow and Dorothy at right to the Tin Man as he
dances before them --

MLS -- CAMERA PANS slightly with the Tin Man as he dances about -- he taps
his chest, makes the whistle in his funnel hat blow -- then continues to
dance --

MCS -- Dorothy and the Scarecrow look at each other with amazement as they
watch the dance of the Tin Man -- Dorothy whispers to the Scarecrow --

MLS -- The Tin Man dancing -- he jumps forward slightly, folds his arms,
then locks in that position -- starts to lean to left --
MLS -- CAMERA PANS Dorothy and Scarecrow as they rush to left to help the
Tin Man -- they catch him in time -- he starts to fall in the other
direction -- they rush around to catch him, but he now starts to fall to
the other side -- this business is repeated -- then CAMERA PANS to right
as the Tin Man stumbles toward b.g. -- Scarecrow tries to get out of the
way and falls over -- Dorothy grabs the Tin Man's hand --

DOROTHY
Oh --

MCS -- The Tin Man sits down -- Dorothy reacts, speaks with him --
Scarecrow enters from left -- Dorothy oils the Tin Man some more, then
asks him to go to the Emerald City, too -- then all react as the Witch
laughs o.s. -- they rise to their feet as CAMERA PANS up to the right to
the Witch standing on the roof of Tin Man's cottage --

DOROTHY
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, are you all
right?

TIN MAN
I'm afraid I'm a little rusty yet.

DOROTHY
Oh, dear -- That was wonderful! You know
-- we were just wondering why you couldn't
come to Emerald City with us to ask the
Wizard of Oz for a heart.

TIN MAN
Emerald City? Why, that's a long and
dangerous journey. And it might rain on the
way.

SCARECROW
But you've just been saying how much you want
a heart.

DOROTHY
And I'll keep the oil-can handy.

TIN MAN
Well, suppose the Wizard wouldn't get me one
when we got there?

DOROTHY
Oh, but he will! He must! We've come such
a long way already.
(Witch laughs o.s.)

TIN MAN
Ohh -- what's that? Oh --

WITCH
You call that long?

MLS -- The Witch on the Tin Man's roof -- she speaks as she looks o.s. to
f.g. --

WITCH
Why, you've just begun! Forgotten about me,....
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy and the Scarecrow meet the Tin Man, who laments his lack of a heart. They oil him and he tells them how he became rusted and unable to move.
Strengths "The scene has a strong emotional impact and moves the plot forward. It introduces a new character and explores his desire for a heart."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and the concept of the scene could be developed further."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would offer the following critiques:

1. Repetition of dialogue: There is a lot of repetition in the dialogue, particularly with the Tin Man saying "Oh" multiple times and Dorothy repeating it. This repetition can feel redundant and can slow down the pace of the scene.

2. Lack of action: The scene primarily consists of dialogue and little action. This can make the scene feel static and unengaging visually. Consider adding more movement and physicality to enhance the visual storytelling.

3. Lack of conflict: The scene lacks a strong conflict or obstacle for the characters to overcome. Conflict is essential in driving the story forward and creating tension. Consider introducing a conflict or obstacle that the characters must navigate.

4. Transition between dialogue and song: The transition between the Tin Man speaking and singing is abrupt. Consider a smoother transition or build-up to the musical number to create a more seamless flow.

5. Description of character actions: The scene could benefit from more specific and detailed descriptions of the characters' actions and reactions. This will help the actors and director understand the intended execution of the scene.

6. Overuse of camera directions: There are a lot of camera directions in the scene, which can be distracting and limit the creative freedom of the director. Consider focusing more on the character actions and emotions instead of explicit camera directions.

7. Lack of visual variety: The visuals of the scene could be enhanced by incorporating different shot types or angles to create more visual interest. This will add depth to the scene and make it more visually dynamic.

Overall, the scene could benefit from tighter dialogue, more engaging action, and a stronger conflict to make it more captivating for the audience.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more specific actions and reactions: Instead of just having dialogue, incorporate specific actions and reactions for the characters. This will make the scene more visual and engaging for the readers and viewers.

2. Focus on the emotions: Explore the emotional journey of the Tin Man as he sings about wanting a heart. Show his vulnerability and longing for something more. This will make the scene more poignant and relatable.

3. Show the physicality of the dance: When the Tin Man starts dancing, describe his movements in detail. Show his joy and enthusiasm through his dance. This will create a vibrant and entertaining visual on-screen.

4. Create a clear build-up to the Witch's appearance: Instead of the Witch laughing off-screen, build tension by gradually introducing her presence. Maybe have the characters notice strange sounds or eerie music before the Witch reveals herself. This will create a more dramatic and suspenseful moment.

5. Develop the conflict and stakes: Make it clearer why going to the Emerald City and meeting the Wizard is important for the Tin Man. Emphasize the consequences of not getting a heart and the potential impact it could have on his life. This will heighten the stakes and make the audience more invested in the character's journey.

6. Add visual descriptions: Provide visual descriptions of the setting, costumes, and props to give the scene a more immersive and vivid quality. This will help the readers and viewers better visualize the scene and its details.



Scene 18 -  The Witch Threatens
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
MCS - Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow react as the Witch speaks o.s. -
WITCH o.s.
...eh? Well, I haven't forgotten about you!

CS -- The Witch speaks to the three o.s. in f.g. --

WITCH
Helping the little lady along, are you, my
fine gentlemen?

MCS -- Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow --

WITCH o.s.
Well, stay away from her!

CS -- Witch speaks, points at the Scarecrow o.s. --

WITCH
Or I'll stuff a mattress with you!

MCS -- Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow -- Tin Man points to the trembling
Scarecrow -- then the Tin Man reacts -- points to himself --

WITCH o.s.
And you! I'll use you for a bee-hive!
(laughs)

CS -- The Witch speaks, throws a ball of fire o.s. --

WITCH
Here, Scarecrow! Want to play ball?

LS -- Dorothy, Tin Man, Scarecrow standing at left as the Witch on the
roof throws down a ball of fire at them -- she laughs gleefully --

CS - Witch speaks to Dorothy o.s. -

WITCH
And as for you, my little....

MLS - Tin Man putting out the fire as Dorothy helps the Scarecrow, who is
rolling about in the grass - she reacts as Witch speaks o.s. -

WITCH o.s.
...Dorothy, I wish....

MCU - Dorothy hugs Toto tightly as Witch speaks o.s. -

WITCH o.s.
...you luck with the Wizard of Oz. And a....

CS - Witch speaks to Dorothy o.s. - then laughs -

WITCH
...happy journey back to Kansas!

MLS -- The Witch laughs -- sits on her broomstick in a position to fly
away -- smoke fills the shot, obscuring Witch from sight --

Ext. Forrest -- CS -- Dorothy holding Toto in her arms -- watching o.s.

LS -- Cloud of smoke as Witch disappears --

MS -- The Tin Man -- Dorothy and Scarecrow looking o.s. -- CAMERA TRUCKS
forward on them -- Tin Man and Scarecrow speak -- snap their fingers --
Tin Man reacts to buzzing sound --

SCARECROW
I'm not afraid of her. I'll see you get
safely to the Wizard now, whether I get a
brain or not! Stuff a mattress with me!
Hah!

TIN MAN
I'll see you reach the Wizard, whether I
get a heart of not. Bee-hive -- bah! Let
her try and make a bee-hive out of me! You
know -- Hmm? What's that?

MLS - Tin Man and Scarecrow sitting down - Dorothy in b.g. near tree -
comes forward as Tin Man and Scarecrow rise - she speaks - reacts when she
sees bee on her arm - turns around as Tin Man takes bee off her arm -

TIN MAN
Oh! They're - they're gone now.

DOROTHY
Oh, goodness! Did any of them sting you?

TIN MAN
I - I guess they tried to, but they bent
their stingers.

DOROTHY
Oh, dear. I don't know what I'd do if a
whole swarm kept -- Oh! Oh! Oh, there's one
on me!

TIN MAN
Oh - I'll get it!

DOROTHY
Oh! Oh!

CS - Scarecrow - Dorothy and Tin Man - Tin Man looks at dead bee in his
hand - speaks and cries -

DOROTHY
Oh --

TIN MAN
Oh, see - I killed it. Oh, I killed that
poor little honey bee!

DOROTHY
Oh-oh-

CU - Tin Man crying - speaks -

TIN MAN
It's only a man without a head who could do
a thing like that. Poor little bee.

CU - Dorothy reacts - reaches o.s. -

DOROTHY
Oh, there....

CU - The Tin Man as Dorothy reaches in - wipes away his tears -
DOROTHY
...there. Don't cry. There.

CU - Dorothy looks o.s. - speaks -

DOROTHY
As a matter of fact, that's just an old
drone bee, and it would have died....

CU - Tin Man looks o.s. -

DOROTHY o.s.
...anyway.

TIN MAN
Yes?

DOROTHY o.s.
You put it out of its misery.

TIN MAN
Oh.

DOROTHY o.s.
It's....

CS - Scarecrow - Dorothy and Tin Man - they speak and laugh -

DOROTHY
...just that the Witch is so wicked. I don't
think you two ought to come with me because
you'll get into trouble.

SCARECROW
Oh, you don't think we're going to stand by
and let her get away with fireballs and
bees, do you?

TIN MAN
No, sir!

SCARECROW
No, sir!

DOROTHY
Oh, you're the best friends anybody ever
had! And it's funny, but I feel as if I've
known you all the time. But I couldn't
have, could I?
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man encounter the Witch, who threatens them with harm. The Witch throws fireballs and taunts them, but they manage to escape unhurt. They discuss their determination to reach the Wizard and their friendship.
Strengths "Engaging dialogue, strong character dynamics, and a sense of growing friendship between the main characters."
Weaknesses "Lack of visual description, limited stakes, and a relatively low emotional impact."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, here are a few critiques for the scene:

1. Lack of specific character actions: Throughout the scene, there is a lot of dialogue but not enough specific actions for the characters. It would be beneficial to add more physical actions or gestures to enhance the visual aspect of the scene.

2. Formatting errors: The scene description and dialogue often run together without clear separations. Make sure to format the scene with clear headings, proper spacing, and indentation to improve readability.

3. Lack of visual clarity: While the dialogue conveys some information about what is happening, there is a lack of clear visuals that could enhance the scene. It would be helpful to clearly describe the characters' physical reactions, expressions, and movements to create a more vivid image for the reader and potential viewers.

4. Repeating information: There are instances where the characters repeat information already established in the dialogue. Avoid unnecessary repetition, as it can slow down the pace of the scene.

5. Missing character introductions: The scene begins without any introduction or description of the characters Tin Man, Dorothy, Scarecrow, and the Witch. It is important to introduce the characters to help the reader or viewer understand their roles and relationships in the story.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more visual description, clear character actions, and tighter dialogue to create a more engaging and visually appealing experience.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual descriptions to set the scene and provide clarity for the reader. For example, instead of "LS - Dorothy, Tin Man, Scarecrow standing at left," you could write "LS - Dorothy, Tin Man, and Scarecrow stand together, their backs against a large tree."

2. Consider adding more action and movement to the scene to make it more dynamic. This will help engage the audience and create a more visually interesting scene. For example, instead of "MCS - Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow react," you could write "MCS - Tin Man, Dorothy, and Scarecrow exchange glances, their bodies tense with anticipation."

3. Give the characters more specific reactions and emotions in their dialogue. This will help bring their personalities to life and make them more relatable to the audience. For example, instead of "TIN MAN: Hmm? What's that?" you could write "TIN MAN (perplexed): Wait, did you hear that buzzing sound? It's getting louder!"

4. Consider adding more dialogue between the characters to deepen their relationships and provide more context for their actions. This will also help drive the story forward and develop the characters further. For example, instead of "MLS - Tin Man and Scarecrow sitting down," you could write "MLS - Tin Man and Scarecrow sit down, their exhaustion evident in their faces. SCARECROW (breathless): Dorothy, do you really think the Wizard can give us what we need?"

5. Lastly, check the formatting and punctuation to ensure clarity and readability. This will help the reader understand the sequence of events and follow along with the scene more easily.



Scene 19 -  Meeting the Lion
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
SCARECROW
I don't see how. You weren't around when I
was stuffed and sewn together, were you?

TIN MAN
And I was standing over there rusting for
the longest time.

DOROTHY
Still, I wish I could remember. But, I
guess it doesn't matter anyway. We know
each other now, don't we?
SCARECROW
That's right.

TIN MAN
We do.

SCARECROW
To Oz?

TIN MAN
To Oz!

MLS -- Scarecrow -- Dorothy and Tin Man -- CAMERA PANS right as they dance
down to brick road -- Scarecrow picks up basket -- CAMERA TRUCKS back as
they dance forward -- then turn and go up road to b.g. -- exit --

THE THREE
(sing)
We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Wiz there was.
If ever, oh ever a Wiz there was
The Wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does
We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Int. Dark and Eerie Forest -- Tin Man -- Dorothy and Scarecrow
walking forward down brick road --

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Tin Man -- Dorothy and Scarecrow walking forward slowly --

MCS -- Tin Man -- Dorothy and Scarecrow stop -- look around off screen --
Dorothy frightened -- speaks --

DOROTHY
I don't like this forest! It's -- it's
dark and creepy!

SCARECROW
Of course, I don't know, but I think it'll
get darker before it gets lighter.

DOROTHY
Do -- do you suppose we'll meet any wild
animals?

TIN MAN
We might.

DOROTHY
Oh --

SCARECROW
Animals that -- that eat straw?
TIN MAN
Some -- but mostly lions, and tigers, and
bears.

CU -- Dorothy reacts --

DOROTHY
Lions?

CU -- Scarecrow reacts -- speaks --

SCARECROW
And tigers?

CU -- Tin Man looks o.s. -- speaks --

TIN MAN
And bears.

MCS -- Tin Man -- Dorothy and Scarecrow -- Dorothy frightened --

DOROTHY
Oh! Lions and tigers and bears!

MLS -- Tin Man -- Dorothy and Scarecrow walk forward along brick road --
CAMERA PANS them to right -- they react to growl o.s. --

DOROTHY
Oh, my!

TIN MAN -- SCARECROW AND DOROTHY
Lions and tigers and bears!

DOROTHY
Oh, my!

TIN MAN -- SCARECROW AND DOROTHY
Lions and tigers and bears!

DOROTHY
Oh, my!

TIN MAN -- SCARECROW AND DOROTHY
Lions and tigers and bears!

DOROTHY
Oh, my!

TIN MAN -- SCARECROW AND DOROTHY
Lions and tigers and bears!

DOROTHY
Oh, my!
(screams)

MCS -- Tin Man -- Dorothy and Scarecrow frightened -- speak -- look o.s. --
react --

TIN MAN
And bears!

DOROTHY
What sort of an animal is that?
TIN MAN
It-it-it-it - it's a huge one!

SCARECROW
D-d-d-don't be fr-fr-frightened. I - I'll -
I'll protect you. Oh, look!

LS -- Lion on fallen tree -- Dorothy -- Scarecrow and Tin Man in f.g. on
brick road -- the lion jumps toward them -- CAMERA TRUCKS back as they
three move back -- the Lion takes two great leaps -- lands on the brick
road -- Tin Man and Scarecrow fall at side of road -- Dorothy hides behind
tree -- (Lion growling)

CU -- Lion growling --

CS -- Scarecrow trembling --

CU -- Lion growling --

CU -- Dorothy looks out around tree -- reacts --

CU -- Lion growling --

CS -- Tin Man trembling --

CS -- Lion sneers -- CAMERA PANS as he stands on his hind legs -- puts up
his paws -- speaks --

LION
Put 'em up! Put 'em....

LS -- Lion -- Tin Man and Scarecrow -- Dorothy back of tree in b.g. --
CAMERA TRUCKS forward -- Lion speaks and gestures --

LION
...up! Which one of you first? I'll fight
you both together if you want! I'll fight
you with one paw tied behind my back. I'll
fight you standing on one foot.

MCS -- Lion speaks -- CAMERA PANS him to right to Tin Man -- Dorothy in
b.g. --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man encounter a Lion in the dark and creepy forest. The Lion threatens to fight them and shows off his bravado.
Strengths "The scene effectively introduces the character of the Lion and highlights the dynamic between the main characters. The dialogue is humorous and engaging."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more visual description and a stronger focus on character development."
Critique The scene begins with dialogue between the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Dorothy. Overall, the dialogue is clear and serves to establish the characters' relationships and their current situation in the story.

However, there are a few areas for improvement. Firstly, the dialogue lacks variety in sentence structure and tone. The characters all speak in short, simple sentences, which can make the dialogue feel monotonous. Adding some variety in sentence structure and tone would help make the dialogue more engaging and dynamic.

Additionally, there is a repetition of the phrase "Lions and tigers and bears" that occurs multiple times in the scene. While repetition can be used for comedic effect, in this case, it feels excessive and can become tiresome for the audience. Consider finding a more creative way to express Dorothy's escalating fear and the characters' reactions to the potential danger of encountering wild animals.

Furthermore, it would be beneficial to provide more visual descriptions and actions in the scene. Currently, the scene relies heavily on dialogue, which can make it feel static. Adding more visual elements and actions would help bring the scene to life on screen and engage the audience visually.

Finally, the scene transitions could be made more seamless and natural. The jump from the singing sequence to the characters walking through the forest feels abrupt, and the use of lap dissolves to transition between shots could be smoother. Consider finding a more cohesive and fluid way to transition between different locations and scenes.

Overall, the scene has a solid foundation with its dialogue, but it could benefit from more varied sentence structure and tone, as well as improved visual descriptions and smoother scene transitions.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Provide more visual description: Add more specific details about the setting, the characters' actions, and their reactions to create a clearer visual image for the reader.

2. Add character emotional subtext: Explore the characters' emotions and motivations in this scene. Are they scared, determined, or confused? Show their internal struggles and desires through their dialogue and actions.

3. Clarify character relationships: Make sure the audience understands the dynamic between the characters. Are they friends, strangers, or reluctant companions? Highlight their individual personalities and how they interact with each other.

4. Vary the dialogue: Use different sentence structures, vocabulary, and tones for each character to differentiate their voices. This will make the dialogue more engaging and authentic.

5. Add more action and movement: Consider adding more physical actions or gestures to make the scene visually dynamic. This will help readers visualize the characters' interactions and create a more engaging visual experience.

6. Create tension and suspense: Raise the stakes by adding suspenseful moments or a sense of danger. This will make the audience more invested in the scene and keep them engaged.

7. Show character growth or development: Use this scene to further develop the characters' arcs and show how they are changing or evolving throughout the story.

8. Consider the pacing: Make sure the scene flows smoothly and moves the story forward. Cut any unnecessary dialogue or actions that do not contribute to the overall narrative or character development.

By incorporating these suggestions, you can enhance the scene and make it more engaging and captivating for the audience.



Scene 20 -  The Lion's Cowardly Confession
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
LION
I'll fight you with my eyes closed. Oh --
pulling an axe on me, eh?

MCU -- Tin Man trembling --

MCS -- Lion speaks -- CAMERA PANS him left to Scarecrow -- Dorothy in b.g.
watching -- PANS lion to right to Tin Man --

LION
Sneaking up on me, eh? Why!
(snarls)

TIN MAN
Here -- here. Go 'way and let us alone!

LION
Oh, scared, huh?

CU -- Dorothy looks out from around tree -- reacts --
LION o.s.
Afraid, huh?

MCS -- Lion and Tin Man -- Lion speaks and laughs -- CAMERA PANS him to
left to Scarecrow -- Dorothy in b.g.

LION
How long can you stay fresh in that can?
(laughs)
Come on -- get up and fight, you shivering
junk yard! Put your hands up, you lop-sided
bag of hay!

CS -- Scarecrow reacts -- speaks --

SCARECROW
Now that's getting personal, Lion.

MCU -- Tin Man looks o.s. -- speaks --

TIN MAN
Yes -- get up and teach him a lesson.

MCS -- Scarecrow and Lion -- Dorothy in b.g. --

SCARECROW
Well -- what's -- wrong with you teaching
him?

MCU -- Tin Man reacts -- speaks --

TIN MAN
Well -- well --, I hardly know him.

CS -- Toto barking --

CU -- Lion snarls -- speaks

LION
Well, I'll get you, anyway, Pee-Wee.

CU -- Dorothy reacts -- exits left f.g. --

MLS -- Lion and Dorothy -- Toto runs into shrubs -- Lion starts after him
-- Dorothy picks up Toto -- comes forward over to Scarecrow and Tin Man --
CAMERA PANS left as Lion starts for Toto -- Dorothy slaps his hand -- he
backs away -- crying --

DOROTHY
Shame on you!

MCU -- Lion -- Camera shooting past Dorothy at left f.g. -- Lion crying --
speaks --

LION
What -- what did you do that for? I didn't
bite him.

DOROTHY
No, but you tried to.

CS -- Dorothy and Lion -- CAMERA PULLS back -- Scarecrow and Tin Man enter
at left -- Dorothy speaks to Lion -- he cries and speaks --
DOROTHY
It's bad enough picking on a straw man, but
when you go around picking on poor little
dogs --

LION
Well, you didn't have to go and hit me, did
you? Is my nose bleeding?

DOROTHY
Well, of course not. My goodness, what a
fuss you're making. Well, naturally, when
you go around picking on things weaker than
you are -- Why, you're nothing but a great
big coward!

LION
You're right -- I am a coward.

MCU -- Lion -- Camera shooting past Dorothy -- Lion crying -- speaks --

LION
I haven't any courage at all. I even scare
myself. Look at the circles under my eyes.

MS -- Tin Man -- Scarecrow -- Dorothy and Lion -- they speak -- Lion
crying --

LION
I haven't slept in weeks.

TIN MAN
Why don't you try counting sheep?

LION
That doesn't do any good -- I'm afraid of 'em.

SCARECROW
Oh, that's too bad. Don't you think the
Wizard could help him, too?

DOROTHY
I don't see why not. Why don't you come
along with us? We're on our way to see the
Wizard now. To get him a heart.

TIN MAN
And him a brain.

DOROTHY
I'm sure he could give you some courage.

MCU -- Lion -- Camera shooting past Dorothy --

LION
Well, wouldn't you feel degraded to be seen
in the company of a cowardly lion? I would.

CS -- Dorothy -- Tin Man and Scarecrow -- Camera shooting past Lion at
right f.g. --

DOROTHY
No, of course not.
MCS -- Tin Man -- Dorothy -- Scarecrow and Lion --

LION
Gee, that's -- that's awfully nice of you.
My life....

MLS -- Dorothy and Group -- Dorothy puts Toto down -- Lion Sings as the
four walk and dance along brick road to right -- CAMERA TRUCKS with them --

LION
...has been simply unbearable.

DOROTHY
Oh.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man encounter a Lion in the dark and creepy forest. The Lion threatens to fight them and shows off his bravado. Dorothy stands up to him and slaps his hand when he goes after Toto. The Lion breaks down crying and admits his lack of courage. They suggest that the Wizard may be able to help him, and invite him to join them on their journey.
Strengths "Humor and character development"
Weaknesses "Low conflict and stakes"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the dynamic between the characters. There are a few elements that could be improved to enhance the clarity and flow of the scene.

1. Formatting: Ensure consistent capitalization and punctuation throughout the scene. For example, "MCU" and "MCS" are typically written as "CU" and "MS", respectively. Additionally, the use of dashes to indicate pauses or interruptions can be replaced with ellipses or em dashes for clarity.

2. Camera directions: While camera directions can be useful for the screenwriter to convey the intended visual direction, it is important to strike a balance and avoid overusing them. In this scene, there are a few instances where the camera directions are unnecessary and can be removed without affecting the clarity of the scene.

3. Dialogue Tags: Consider using dialogue tags sparingly and only when necessary to identify the speaker. In some instances, the tags can be removed as the dialogue is clear enough to indicate who is speaking.

4. Scene description: To enhance the visual imagery of the scene, consider adding more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture for the reader. This can include details about the characters' expressions, movements, and the surrounding environment.

Overall, the scene effectively captures the tension and vulnerability of the Lion character and sets the stage for the group's journey to seek help from the Wizard. With some minor adjustments to the formatting and scene description, the scene could be even more impactful.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the actions and reactions: The scene can benefit from clearer descriptions of the characters' actions and reactions. Specify how they speak, move, and show their emotions to help the actors and directors better understand the scene.

2. Use more dynamic camera angles: Instead of relying solely on pans and static shots, consider incorporating more dynamic camera angles to add visual interest to the scene. Experiment with different shots like close-ups, medium shots, and wide shots to convey the characters' emotions and interactions.

3. Emphasize character emotions: Focus on the characters' emotions and reactions throughout the scene. Use more descriptive language to show the characters' fear, anger, or vulnerability, which will help the actors convey those emotions more effectively.

4. Strengthen dialogue: Review the dialogue and look for opportunities to make it more impactful and engaging. Consider adding more subtext or character-specific nuances to the lines to make them more interesting.

5. Add character actions: Integrate more physical actions for the characters within the scene. This can include gestures, movements, or even props that help to illustrate their personalities or emotions in a more visual way.

6. Create a clear progression: Make sure the scene has a clear arc and progression. Establish the initial conflict or tension, build it up, and bring it to a satisfying resolution or turning point. This will give the scene more depth and keep the audience engaged.

7. Consider pacing: Pay attention to the pace of the scene and make adjustments as needed. Ensure that the dialogue flows smoothly and that the actions and reactions are timed well to create a natural rhythm.

Remember, these suggestions are just starting points. It's important to tailor them to the specific needs and style of your script and characters.



Scene 21 -  The Lion Finds His Courage
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8
LION
(sings)
Yeh, it's sad, believe me, Missy
When you're born to be a sissy,
Without the vim and verve.
But I could show my prowess --
Be a lion not a mou-ess --
If I only had the nerve
I'm afraid there's no denyin'
I'm just a dande-lion --
A fate I don't deserve.
I'd be brave as a blizzard --

TIN MAN
(sings)
I'd be gentle as a lizard --

SCARECROW
(sings)
I'd be clever as a gizzard --

DOROTHY
(sings)
If the Wizard is a Wizard who will serve.

CS -- Tin Man and Scarecrow sing -- CAMERA PANS to right to Dorothy and
Lion --

SCARECROW
(sings)
Then I'm sure to get a brain --

TIN MAN
(sings)
A heart --

DOROTHY
(sings)
A home --

LION
(sings)
The nerve.

MLS -- Scarecrow -- Tin Man -- Dorothy and Lion sing as they dance forward
along brick road -- CAMERA TRUCKS ahead --
ALL
(sing)
Oh, we're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Wiz there was....

LS -- Dorothy -- Lion -- Tin Man and Scarecrow dance down brick road to
b.g. -- all exit --

ALL
(sing)
...If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was
The Wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does!
We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!

Camera on Crystal -- the images of Tin Man -- Dorothy -- Scarecrow and
Lion in crystal as they march along arm in arm -- CAMERA TRUCKS back
showing the Witch and Nikko looking into crystal -- Witch laughs -- CAMERA
PANS her left to table -- she mixes poison -- CAMERA PANS her to right to
Crystal -- She holds poison over the crystal -- waves her hand over it --
the images of group fade out -- Poppy Field fades in -- CAMERA TRUCKS
forward on Crystal --

WITCH
A-hah!
(laughs)
So! You won't take warning, eh? All the
worse for you, then. I'll take care of you
now instead of later! Hah! When I gain
those ruby slippers, my power will be the
greatest in Oz! And now, my beauties!
Something with poison in it, I think. With
poison in it, but attractive to the eye --
and soothing to the smell!
(laughs)
Poppies! Poppies! Poppies!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Poppy Field -- CAMERA PANS up -- then PANS left over field -- to
edge of forest -- Dorothy -- Scarecrow -- Lion and Tin Man coming forward
out of forest --

MCS -- Dorothy -- Lion -- Tin Man and Scarecrow all looking o.s. --
Dorothy speaks --

DOROTHY
There's Emerald....

ELS -- Shooting over Poppy Field to towers of Emerald City -- Dorothy and
Group in f.g. --

DOROTHY
...City! Oh, we're almost there at last!
At last!

MCS -- Dorothy -- Lion -- Tin Man and Scarecrow -- they speak --
DOROTHY
It's beautiful, isn't it? Just like I knew
it would be. He really must be a wonderful
Wizard to live in a City like that!

LION
Well, come on, then. What are we waiting
for?

SCARECROW
Nothing! Let's hurry!

LS -- Dorothy -- Tin Man -- Scarecrow and Lion run to b.g. thru poppy
field --

DOROTHY
Yes -- let's run!

LION
Yes.

MLS -- Tin Man -- Scarecrow -- Dorothy and Lion running forward thru Poppy
Field -- CAMERA TRUCKS right --

MS -- Tin Man and Scarecrow running thru poppies -- CAMERA TRUCKS right --
both gesture --

SCARECROW
Come on -- come on --

TIN MAN
Hurry -- hurry --

MS -- Dorothy and Lion running thru poppies -- CAMERA TRUCKS right --

MS -- Dorothy running to right -- staggers a little -- slows down --

ELS -- Scarecrow and Tin Man running forward thru poppy field -- Lion in
b.g. -- Dorothy enters in far b.g. -- Scarecrow and Tin Man stop on hill --
call and gesture

SCARECROW
Oh! Oh, come on, come on!

TIN MAN
Look -- you can see it here. It's wonderful!

SCARECROW
Emerald City!

MLS -- Dorothy running slowly to right -- CAMERA PANS her to Lion -- Tin
Man and Scarecrow -- Dorothy staggers -- puts her hand to her head --

DOROTHY
Oh -- Oh -- what's happening? What is it?

MCU -- Dorothy puts her hand to her head -- speaks --
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man encounter the Lion in the dark and creepy forest. The Lion threatens them and shows off his bravado. Dorothy stands up to the Lion and slaps his hand when he goes after Toto. The Lion breaks down crying and admits his lack of courage. They suggest that the Wizard may be able to help him, and invite him to join them on their journey.
Strengths "Musical numbers, development of the Lion's character arc, strong dialogue"
Weaknesses "Limited physical action, repetitive plot elements"
Critique The scene begins with the characters singing a song about their desires and hopes. While the lyrics provide some insight into their characters, the scene feels slightly disjointed as each character sings individually without much interaction or back-and-forth between them. It might be more engaging to have the characters singing together and interacting with each other.

Additionally, the transition from the song to the next scene could be smoother. The transition from the characters marching and singing to the crystal and the Witch mixing poison feels abrupt and disconnected. It would be helpful to have a clearer transition that links the two scenes more flawlessly.

Furthermore, the dialogue could benefit from more specific and distinct voices for each character. While the songs convey some personality traits, the dialogue lacks distinctive traits and voices. Giving each character a unique voice would add depth and make their interactions more engaging.

Finally, the description of actions and camera movements could be clearer. Some of the camera movements and actions are described vaguely, which makes it difficult to envision the scene and understand the blocking. Providing more precise descriptions of the characters' movements and the camera's actions would help bring the scene to life.
Suggestions - Consider adding more action and movement in the scene to make it visually engaging, rather than just having the characters stand and sing.
- Show more emotion and expression in the characters' singing, to make it more engaging and impactful for the audience.
- Add more dialogue or interaction between the characters during the song to enhance characterization and deepen their relationships.
- Consider adding more descriptive details in the scene description to paint a clearer picture for the reader and provide more visual cues for the director and actors.
- Clarify the transition between the singing and the conversation with the witch, to make it flow smoother and ensure the audience can follow the story.
- Consider adding more tension or conflict to the scene, to keep the audience engaged and create a stronger dramatic arc.



Scene 22 -  The Lion's Lack of Courage
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
DOROTHY
I can't run anymore. I'm so....

CS -- Tin Man and Scarecrow --
DOROTHY o.s.
...sleepy.

SCARECROW
Here -- give us your hands, and we'll pull
you....

MLS -- Dorothy and Group --

SCARECROW
...along.

DOROTHY
Oh, no -- please. I have to rest for just
a minute. Toto!

CS -- Toto lying among poppies --

DOROTHY o.s.
Where's Toto --

MLS -- Dorothy and Group -- Dorothy lies down among the poppies --

SCARECROW
Oh, you can't rest now -- we're nearly there!

MCU - Lion yawns and speaks -

LION
What did she -- do that for?

The images of Lion - Tin Man - Scarecrow and Dorothy in Crystal - they
speak - CAMERA TRUCKS back showing Witch and Nikko standing near crystal -
Witch laughs and speaks - the images fade out - Nikko exits - CAMERA
TRUCKS forward on Witch -

SCARECROW
Hey, Dorothy!

TIN MAN
Dorothy!

LION
Dorothy!

TIN MAN
Dorothy! You can't sleep here! You can't
sleep in the middle of a field!

WITCH
(laughs)
Call away! Call away! She won't hear any of
you again! And there's nothing you can do
about it, either.
(laughs)
Bring me my wishing cap! I'll call the
Winged Monkeys to fetch me those slippers!
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! It worked very
smoothly!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

MLS -- Lion -- Tin Man and Scarecrow -- Dorothy lying in poppies -- Lion
starts to cry -- Scarecrow speaks -- holds the Lion up -- Lion drops as
Tin Man and Scarecrow start to pick up Dorothy --

TIN MAN
(crying)
Oh - oh, poor Dorothy!

SCARECROW
Don't cry -- you'll rust yourself again!

LION
Comin' to think of it, forty winks wouldn't
be bad.

SCARECROW
Don't you start it, too!

TIN MAN
Oh! We ought to try and carry Dorothy.

SCARECROW
I don't think I could, but we could try.

TIN MAN
Let's.

SCARECROW
Yes.

TIN MAN
Oh -- now look at him! This is terrible!

SCARECROW
Here, Tin Man -- help me.

CS -- Dorothy as Scarecrow tries to lift her --

MLS -- Tin Man and Scarecrow -- Dorothy and Lion lying among poppies --
Tin Man and Scarecrow react -- call for help --

SCARECROW
Oh, this is terrible -- can't budge her an
inch! This is a spell, this is!

TIN MAN
It's the Wicked Witch! What'll we do?
Help! HELP!

SCARECROW
It's no use screaming at a time like this!
Nobody will hear you! Help!

LS -- Tin Man and Scarecrow on top of hill -- crying for help --
Superimposed shot of the Good Witch as she waves wand -- snow starts to
fall --

SCARECROW
HELP -- HELP!

CS -- Dorothy lying among poppies -- snow falling on her

SCARECROW o.s.
Help! Help!
LS -- Tin Man and Scarecrow on top of hill -- Superimposed shot of the
Good Witch waving wand -- snow falling -- The Superimposure fades out --

SCARECROW o.s.
Look - It's snowing! It isn't snowing. It
couldn't be! But it is! No, it isn't! Yes,
it is! Oh, maybe that'll help!

CS -- Dorothy lying among poppies -- snow falling on her -- she opens her
eyes --

SCARECROW o.s.
Oh, but it couldn't help.

MCS -- Scarecrow looking down o.s. -- snow falling -- CAMERA PANS as he
kneels down to Dorothy -- she wakens -- sits up -- Lion sits up in b.g. --
Dorothy looks o.s. to left -- CAMERA PANS up to Tin Man -- then PULLS back
-- Dorothy jumps up -- takes oil can from basket -- they oil the Tin Man --

SCARECROW
It does help. Dorothy, you're waking up!

DOROTHY
Oh --

LION
Oh -- unusual weather we're having, ain't
it?

DOROTHY
Look! He's rusted again. Oh, give me the
oil can -- quick! Oh-oh, quick!

SCARECROW
Yes -- there --

DOROTHY
Oh -- here quick -- oh! - we'll oil him up.

MCS -- Images of Tin Man -- Dorothy -- Scarecrow and Lion in Crystal --
CAMERA TRUCKS back showing Witch and Nikko looking into Crystal -- The
Witch reacts -- speaks -- the images fade from Crystal --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man encounter the Lion in the dark and creepy forest. The Lion threatens them and shows off his bravado. Dorothy stands up to him and slaps his hand when he goes after Toto. The Lion breaks down crying and admits his lack of courage. They suggest that the Wizard may be able to help him, and invite him to join them on their journey.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional moments
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
Critique The scene is fairly well-written and effectively conveys the characters' emotions and actions. Here are a few points to consider for potential improvement:

1. Dialogues: The dialogues serve their purpose in advancing the story and revealing the characters' thoughts and feelings. However, there is room for enhancing the dialogues to make them more impactful and memorable. Consider adding more depth and specificity to the characters' exchanges to make them more engaging for the audience.

2. Visual descriptions: The scene lacks some visual descriptions that would help the reader visualize the scene more vividly. Adding more details about the characters' physical actions, facial expressions, and the environment can help create a more immersive reading experience.

3. Pacing: The scene could benefit from some tightening of the pacing. Some of the dialogue exchanges and actions could be condensed or rearranged to maintain a consistent flow and keep the audience engaged.

Overall, the scene effectively conveys the characters' struggles, their determination to help Dorothy, and the obstacle they face with the Wicked Witch's spell. With some minor revisions, the scene can be further enhanced to create a more compelling and visually engaging experience for the audience.
Suggestions - Clarify the action and visuals in the scene for better understanding. Specify the location and the characters' positions.
- Provide more details about the characters' emotions and reactions to enhance their performances.
- Consider adding dialogue that reveals the characters' thoughts and motivations, creating a deeper connection with the audience.
- Break up the large block of action description into shorter paragraphs for easier readability.
- Delete unnecessary stage directions and focus on essential details.
- Strengthen the pacing by removing repetitive lines and replacing them with more unique and impactful dialogue.
- Elaborate on the setting and atmosphere to set the tone for the scene.
- Add more variety in camera angles and shots to make the scene more visually dynamic.
- Ensure consistency in punctuation and formatting.



Scene 23 -  Encounter with the Lion
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
SCARECROW
-- A hot water bottle would be good if we
had one.

DOROTHY
Oh, he's been crying! Why have you been --

WITCH
Curse it! Curse it! Somebody always helps
that girl! But shoes or no shoes, I'm still
great enough to conquer her. And woe to
those who try to stop me!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Dorothy -- Lion -- Scarecrow and Tin Man on hill in Poppy Field --
Dorothy speaks -- all react to voices singing -- The four of them come
forward down hill --
DOROTHY
Come on -- let's get out of here! Look --
Emerald City is closer and prettier than
ever!

VOICES o.s.
You're out of the woods
You're out of the dark
You're out of the night
Step into the sun
Step into the light
Keep straight ahead for....

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

MLS -- Dorothy -- Lion -- Scarecrow and Tin Man arm in arm tramping to
right -- CAMERA TRUCKS right --

VOICES
(sing)
...The most glorious place --

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

MS -- Int. Tower Room -- The Witch gestures with broomstick -- CAMERA PANS
left -- then right as she runs around to window -- stands on sill --
speaks -- then flies out --

WITCH
To the Emerald City -- as fast as lightning!

ELS -- The Witch flying on broomstick -- CAMERA PANS as she circles tower
-- then flies out left --

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Gate to Emerald City -- Dorothy -- Lion -- Tin Man and Scarecrow
enter left f.g. -- skip to b.g. to gate --

VOICES
(sing)
-- Of the earth or the sky
Hold onto your breath
Hold onto your heart
Hold onto your hope --
March up to the gate
And bid it open --- open --- open.

MS -- Dorothy -- Tin Man -- Lion and Scarecrow at gate -- they ring the
bell --

CU -- Doorman pops head thru little window in door -- looks down o.s. --
speaks --

DOORMAN
Who rang that bell?

MS -- Dorothy and group at gate -- Doorman at window -- he speaks to the
group -- they look around --

DOROTHY AND OTHERS
We did.
DOORMAN
Can't you read?

SCARECROW
Read what?

DOORMAN
The notice!

DOROTHY AND SCARECROW
What notice?

DOORMAN
It's on the door -- as plain as the nose on
my face! It -- Oh --

CU -- Doorman reacts -- starts out --

MS -- Dorothy and group at door -- Doorman disappears -- re-enters --
hangs sign on door -- then exits -- closing window -- Dorothy and others
read sign -- Dorothy knocks on door -- Doorman re-enters -- speaks to
them --

DOROTHY AND OTHERS
"Bell out of order. Please knock."

DOORMAN
Well, that's more like it. Now, state your
business!

DOROTHY AND OTHERS
We want to see the Wizard.

DOORMAN
Ooooh! The Wizard? But nobody can see the
Great Oz! Nobody's ever seen the Great Oz!
Even I've never seen him!

DOROTHY
Well, then -- how do you know there is one?

CU -- Doorman speaks -- reacts -- starts out --

DOORMAN
Because he -- I -- Oh, you're wasting my
time!

DOROTHY o.s.
Oh, please! Please....

CS -- Dorothy -- Tin Man and Lion -- Dorothy speaks

DOROTHY
...sir. I've got to see the Wizard! The
Good Witch of the North sent me!

CU -- Doorman looks o.s. -- speaks --

DOORMAN
Prove it.

MS -- Dorothy and Group at door -- Doorman at little window of door --
looks down at them --
SCARECROW
She's wearing the ruby slippers she gave
her.

CU -- Ruby slippers on Dorothy's feet --

DOORMAN o.s.
Oh....

CU -- Doorman speaks and gestures --

DOORMAN
...so she is! Well, bust my buttons! Why
didn't you say that in the....

CS -- Dorothy -- Tin Man and Lion smiling --

DOORMAN o.s.
...first place? That's a horse....

CU -- Doorman looks down o.s. -- speaks -- exits -- closing window --

DOORMAN
...of a different color! Come on in!

LS -- Dorothy and Group at gate as it opens -- People moving about on
street of Oz in b.g. -- Cabby drives in from right -- CAMERA TRUCKS
forward -- Dorothy and group go to cab --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man encounter a Lion in the dark and creepy forest. The Lion threatens them and shows off his bravado. Dorothy stands up to him and slaps his hand when he goes after Toto. The Lion breaks down crying and admits his lack of courage. They suggest that the Wizard may be able to help him, and invite him to join them on their journey.
Strengths
  • Emotional impact
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and moves the story forward effectively. The dialogue is engaging and helps to develop the characters and their motivations.

One suggestion for improvement is to add some more visual details to enhance the reader's visualization of the scene. For example, rather than just saying "LS -- Dorothy -- Lion -- Scarecrow and Tin Man on hill in Poppy Field," you can describe the vibrant colors of the poppy field or the way the flowers sway in the wind. This will help to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the reader.

Additionally, there could be more physical action or gestures incorporated into the scene. This can help to convey emotions or intensify the dialogue. For example, when the Witch says "Curse it! Curse it! Somebody always helps that girl! But shoes or no shoes, I'm still great enough to conquer her. And woe to those who try to stop me!" she could be pacing or clenching her fists, emphasizing her frustration and determination.

Overall, this scene effectively advances the plot and showcases the characters' goals and conflicts. Adding more visual details and physical actions can enhance the reader's experience and make the scene even more engaging.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the Witch's motivation: In the beginning of the scene, when the Witch expresses her frustration about someone always helping Dorothy, it would be helpful to provide more context or a specific reason as to why she wants to conquer Dorothy. This will make her actions and the conflict more understandable and engaging for the audience.

2. Smooth transition between scenes: Instead of using lap dissolves and jump cuts, consider using smoother transitions to enhance the flow of the story. For example, you could use a simple cut or a fade out and fade in to connect the different locations.

3. Show the journey: Instead of using descriptions like "Dorothy speaks," "all react," and "they come forward down the hill," consider showing the characters' journey through actions and dialogue. This will make the scene more dynamic and visually engaging for the audience.

4. Tighten the dialogue: Streamline the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Focus on the key information and emotions that need to be conveyed in each line. This will help maintain the pace of the scene and keep the audience engaged.

5. Visualize the setting: Provide more visual descriptions of the locations and actions within the scenes. This will help the reader envision the scene more vividly and create a stronger connection to the story.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the clarity, pacing, and emotional impact of the scene, making it more engaging for both readers and viewers.



Scene 24 -  Meeting the Cabby in Oz
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
CABBY
Cabby! Cabby! Just what you're looking
for! Take you any place in the City, we
does.

MLS -- Cabby on seat of cab -- Dorothy and Group standing alongside --
CAMERA TRUCKS forward on Cabby --

DOROTHY
Well, would you take us to see the Wizard?

CABBY
The Wizard? The Wizard? I -- can't --
Well -- Yes, of course. But first I'll
take you to a little place where you
can....

MCS -- Dorothy -- Lion -- Tin Man and Scarecrow -- CAMERA PULLS back as
they climb into cab -- Dorothy looks at horse -- reacts -- speaks to Cabby
-- CAMERA TRUCKS back as Cabby drives forward -- singing -- people wave to
Cabby --

CABBY o.s.
...tidy up a bit -- what?

DOROTHY
Oh, thank you so much. We've been gone
such a long time, and we feel so mess --
What kind of a horse is that? I've never
seen a horse like that before!
CABBY
No -- and never will again, I fancy.
There's only one of him, and he's it. He's
the Horse of a Different Color, you've heard
tell about.
(sings)
Ha -- ha -- ha --
Ho -- ho -- ho --
And a couple of tra -- la -- las.
That's how we laugh the day away
In the Merry Old Land of Oz.
Bzz -- bzz -- bzz --
Chirp -- Chirp -- Chirp --
And a couple of la -- di....

LS -- Cabby -- Dorothy and group riding thru street of Oz -- people gather
around -- wave --

CABBY
(sings)
...das --
That's how the crickets crick all day
In the Merry Old Land of Oz!
We get up at twelve....

MCS -- Cabby driving cab as he sings -- Dorothy -- Lion and others in cab
-- crowd following --

CABBY
(sings)
...And start to work at one
Take an hour for lunch....

LS -- Cab moving to right thru Street of Oz -- Crowd following -- CAMERA
PANS right -- Cab stops -- Dorothy and others get out -- CAMERA TRUCKS
forward as they exit into building -- sign above door reads: WASH & BRUSH
UP CO. --

CABBY
(sings)
...And then at two we're done
Jolly good fun!
Ha -- ha -- ha --
Ho -- ho -- ho --
And a couple of tra -- la -- las.
That's how we laugh the day away
In the Merry Old Land of Oz!
Ha -- ha -- ha --
Ho -- ho -- ho --
Ha -- ha -- ha -- ha --
That's how we laugh the day away
With a ho -- ho -- ho
Ha -- ha -- ha
In the Merry Old Land of Oz!

MLS -- Three Masseurs filling the Scarecrow with new straw -- they sing as
they work -- CAMERA TRUCKS back to left showing men polishing the Tin Man
-- they sing -- CAMERA TRUCKS back showing girls doing Dorothy's hair --
they sing -- CAMERA PANS left showing girls clipping the Lion -- all sing
-- Dorothy -- Tin Man and Scarecrow -- Lion rises -- the Four of them
start out -- CAMERA PANS left --
MASSEURS
(sing)
Pat, pat here,
Pat, pat there,
And a couple of brand new strawz.
That's how we keep you young and fair
In the Merry Old Land of Oz.

POLISHERS
(sing)
Rub, rub here,
Rub, rub there,
And whether you're tin or brahz.
That's how we keep you in repair
In the Merry Old Land of Oz!

MASSEUSE
(sings)
We can make a dimpled smile out of a
frown --

DOROTHY
(sings)
Can you even dye my eyes to match my gown?

MASSEUSE
Uh-huh.

DOROTHY
Jolly old town!

MANICURISTS
(sing)
Clip, clip here,
Clip, clip there.
We give the roughest clawz

LION
That certain air of savoir faire
In the Merry Old Land of Oz!

SCARECROW
Ha -- ha -- ha --

TIN MAN
Ho -- ho --ho

DOROTHY
Ho -- ho --ho -- ho

LION
Hah!

ALL
(sing)
That's how we laugh the day away
In the Merry Old Land of Oz!
That's how we laugh....
Genres: ["Fantasy","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion encounter a friendly Cabby in the city of Oz. They ask him to take them to see the Wizard, and he agrees. They ride in the cab through the streets of Oz, attracting a crowd. The Cabby introduces them to the Horse of a Different Color. They reach their destination, the Wash & Brush Up Company, where they are attended to by masseurs, polishers, and beauticians. They all sing and laugh together in the Merry Old Land of Oz.
Strengths "The scene is light-hearted and whimsical. The characters' interactions and singing create a sense of joy and camaraderie."
Weaknesses "The lack of conflict and character development might make the scene feel less impactful or significant in terms of story progression."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and captures the whimsical and colorful world of Oz. The dialogue between Cabby and Dorothy is engaging and sets up the adventure to see the Wizard. The singing and dancing throughout the scene adds to the lively atmosphere.

One improvement that could be made is to provide more visual descriptions of the scene. This would enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters' actions. For example, instead of just stating "people wave to Cabby," it could be expanded to describe the joy and excitement on the faces of the crowd as they greet the cab.

Additionally, it would be helpful to clarify the actions of the characters during the singing parts. Without stage directions, it can be difficult to visualize what the characters are doing. Including some choreography or specific gestures can make the scene more vivid and engaging.

Overall, the scene effectively conveys the exuberance and energy of the characters and the world of Oz, but adding more visual details and specifying character actions would make it even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Provide clear and concise character descriptions: Instead of simply referring to the characters as "Dorothy and Group," provide specific names for each character (e.g., Dorothy, Lion, Tin Man, and Scarecrow). This will help the reader better visualize the scene.

2. Add more action and physicality: To make the scene more visually engaging, incorporate more physical actions or gestures for the characters. For example, instead of having Dorothy react to the horse, you could have her reach out to touch it or express her surprise through a specific gesture.

3. Specify camera angles and movements: Rather than using vague terms like "CAMERA TRUCKS forward," provide specific camera angles and movements to give the scene more visual direction. This will further enhance the reader's understanding of how the scene should be shot.

4. Consider tightening the dialogue: Keep the dialogue concise and purposeful. Remove any unnecessary phrases or repetitions to make the scene flow more smoothly. For example, in the exchange between Dorothy and the Cabby, eliminate the repetition in their lines to make it more efficient.

5. Introduce conflict or tension: To create more dramatic interest in the scene, consider adding some conflict or tension. This could be through an argument or disagreement between the characters or by introducing an obstacle that they need to overcome.

6. Highlight the emotional journey of the characters: Show the emotional state of the characters through their actions, reactions, and dialogue. This will deepen the audience's connection to the characters and make the scene more engaging.

7. Consider the pacing: Evaluate the pacing of the scene and ensure that it aligns with the overall tone and energy of the film. This may involve adjusting the speed of the dialogue or adding pauses for comedic effect.

8. Enhance the visual elements: Explore ways to make the visual elements of the scene more vivid and imaginative. This could involve incorporating unique set designs, costumes, or special effects.

9. Incorporate sensory details: Use descriptive language to engage the reader's senses and create a more immersive experience. This could involve describing the sights, sounds, smells, or textures of the environment.

10. Continue the narrative thread: Consider how this scene contributes to the overall narrative of the story and ensure that it advances the plot or develops the characters in some way. This will help maintain the audience's engagement throughout the film.



Scene 25 -  Encounter with the Lion
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
LS -- Dorothy and Group come out into Street -- all singing -- CAMERA
TRUCKS back as they start forward -- Dorothy looks up to sky -- reacts --
ALL
(sing)
...the day away -- Ha -- ha -- ha -- (etc.)
In the Merry Old Land of Oz!
Ha -- ha -- ha --
Ho -- Ho - ho --

MS -- Tin Man -- Scarecrow -- Dorothy and Lion -- crowd in b.g. -- all
looking up to sky -- they react --

LION
Who's her? Who's her?

DOROTHY
It's the Witch! She's followed us here!

TIN MAN
Can't that female take no for an answer?

DOROTHY
Oh --

CUE VOICE
S-u-r-r-e-n-d-e-r- Dorothy or die! W. W. W.

CS -- Two Oz women looking up to sky --

OZ WOMAN
Dorothy? Who's Dorothy?

MCS -- Two Oz Women run to right -- CAMERA PANS --

OZ WOMAN
The Wizard will explain it!

CS -- Man and Woman looking up to the sky --

MAN
To the Wizard!

MCS- Oz Man speaks -- others run thru in b.g. --

MAN
To the Wizard!

MS -- Tin Man -- Scarecrow -- Dorothy and Lion react --

DOROTHY
Dear, whatever shall we do?

SCARECROW
Well, we'd better hurry if we're going to
see the Wizard!

LS -- Dorothy and group run out at right -- crowd following --

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Crowd of Townsfolk moving thru Street of Oz - CAMERA TRUCKS back --

LS -- Crowd moving to b.g. to steps of Palace -- Guard on steps -- speaks
and gestures --
GUARD
Here -- here -- here -- wait a minute! Wait
a minute! Stop - stop - stop! It's all
right!

MS - Guard speaks and gestures -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward

GUARD
Every -- It's all right! Everything is all
right! The Great and Powerful Oz has got
matters well in hand - I hope -- So you can
all go....

LS -- Crowd in street in front of Palace -- Guard in f.g. -- speaks to
them --

GUARD
...home -- and there's nothing to worry
about.

MLS -- Dorothy -- Tin Man -- Scarecrow and Lion making their way thru
crowd -- CAMERA PANS them to right to Guard on steps --

GUARD o.s.
Get out of here now -- go on! Go on home
-- I - I -- go home.

MS -- Dorothy -- Tin Man -- Scarecrow and Lion -- Camera shooting past
Guard at right f.g. --

DOROTHY
If you please, sir. We want to see the
Wizard right away -- all four of us.

MS -- Guard -- Camera shooting past Dorothy and Group in f.g. --

GUARD
Orders are -- nobody can see the Great Oz!
Not nobody -- not nohow!

MS - Dorothy and Group - Camera past Guard at sight f.g. -

DOROTHY
Oh, but we must!

MS - Guard - Camera past Dorothy and Group in b.g. - Guard speaks and
gestures -

GUARD
Orders are - not nobody! Not nohow!

MS - Dorothy and group - Camera past Guard at right -

GUARD
He's in conference with himself on account
of this....

CS - Guard - Camera shooting past Dorothy -

GUARD
...trouble with the Witch. And even if he
wasn't you wouldn't have been able to see
him anyway on account of nobody has - not
even us in the Palace!
MS - Dorothy - Tin Man - Scarecrow and Lion - Camera shooting past Guard
at right -

DOROTHY
Oh, but -- but please. It's very important.

LION
And -- and I got a permanent just for the
occasion.

GUARD
Not nobody! Not....

CU - Horn inside of Guard's cape -

GUARD o.s.
...nohow!

CS - Guard - Camera shooting past Dorothy -

GUARD
Pardon me. We've gotta change the guards.

MS - Guard - Camera shooting past Dorothy and Group - CAMERA PANS right as
Guard crosses to Sentry house - sentry house revolves -

CS - Guard in Sentry House - turns fake mustache upside down -

MLS - Guard steps out of Sentry house - CAMERA PANS left as he comes
forward to Dorothy and Group - CAMERA TRUCKS forward -

GUARD
Now - what do you want?

DOROTHY AND OTHERS
We want to see the Wizard.

GUARD
Not nobody! Not....

MLS -- Dorothy and Group at left -- Guard at right --

GUARD
...nohow!

TIN MAN
That's what the other man said.

SCARECROW
But she's Dorothy!

CS -- Guard reacts -- speaks -- Camera past Dorothy and Scarecrow in
f.g. --
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man encounter the Lion in the dark and creepy forest. The Lion threatens them and shows off his bravado. Dorothy stands up to the Lion and slaps his hand when he goes after Toto. The Lion breaks down crying and admits his lack of courage. They suggest that the Wizard may be able to help him, and invite him to join them on their journey.
Strengths "Strong character development, emotional impact, and plot progression"
Weaknesses "Stakes could be higher"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and moves the plot forward. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. The dialogue feels a little on-the-nose and lacks subtlety. For example, when Dorothy points out that the Witch has followed them, it could be more effective to show her reaction through her facial expressions and body language, rather than directly stating it.

2. The pacing of the scene could be tightened. There are repetitive moments where characters say the same thing multiple times, which slows down the momentum. Consider condensing and streamlining the dialogue to keep the scene moving at a brisk pace.

3. Some of the character interactions could use more depth and nuance. For instance, when Dorothy pleads to see the Wizard, the Guard's refusal could be more impactful if we have a better understanding of his motivation or if there is some conflict between him and Dorothy.

4. The scene could benefit from more visual imagery and descriptive language. As a screenwriting expert, it's important to remember that the visual medium is key. Look for ways to enhance the scene with vivid and evocative descriptions that engage the reader's imagination.

Overall, the scene sets up some interesting conflicts and obstacles for the characters, but could be further improved by fine-tuning the dialogue, pacing, character interactions, and visual descriptions.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Provide more visual details: Instead of simply stating "LS - Dorothy and Group come out into Street," specify the location and the setting of the street. This will help the reader visualize the scene better.

2. Add more movement: The scene currently lacks physical action, which can make it feel stagnant. Consider incorporating more movement, such as characters walking, gesturing, or interacting with their surroundings.

3. Clarify character motivations: Specify why the characters want to see the Wizard right away. What is at stake for them? This will help create more tension and urgency in the scene.

4. Develop character dynamics: Explore the relationships between the characters in the scene. How do they interact with each other and the situation? Show their personalities and individuality through their dialogue and actions.

5. Streamline the dialogue: The dialogue can be made more concise and impactful. Remove repetitive lines or unnecessary dialogue tags. Focus on delivering the necessary information effectively.

6. Use specific reactions: Instead of using generic reactions like "they react," show how each character responds to the situation. This will make the scene more engaging and help the reader connect with the characters.

7. Use visual cues to enhance storytelling: Consider adding visual cues to convey information or emotions. For example, instead of stating "Dorothy looks up to sky - reacts," describe her facial expression or body language to show her fear or concern.

8. Consider the pacing: Break up long blocks of description and dialogue into smaller, faster-paced paragraphs. This will make the scene feel more dynamic and easier to read.

Overall, focus on creating a clearer, more engaging scene with well-defined characters and visual storytelling.



Scene 26 -  The Lion Finds His Courage
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
GUARD
The Witch's Dorothy? Well -- that makes a
difference. Just wait here -- I'll announce
you at once.

MS -- Guard shoulders his sword - CAMERA PANS him to right -- he exits
into Palace --

At the Palace Gates -- MCS -- Tin Man, Dorothy, Scarecrow and the Lion as
they look o.s. to right, react -- they speak -- the Lion moves away from
them and steps up on the terraced garden -- CAMERA BOOMS forward to left --
he starts to sing --

SCARECROW
Did you hear that? He'll announce us at
once! I've as good as got my brain!

TIN MAN
I can fairly hear my heart beating!

DOROTHY
I'll be home in time for supper!

LION
In another hour, I'll be King of the Forest.
Long Live the King!
(sings)
If....

CS -- The Lion sings --

LION
(sings)
...I were King of the Forest,
Not Queen, not Duke, not Prince....

MLS -- The Scarecrow, Dorothy and Tin Man group about in front of the Lion
as he sings --

LION
(sings)
My regal robes of the forest....

CS -- Lion sings -- gestures --

LION
(sings)
Would be satin, and not cotton, and not
chintz.
I'd command each thing, be it fish or fowl.

MCU -- Lion sings --

LION
(sings)
With a woof and a woof, and a royal growl.
As....

MLS -- Scarecrow, Dorothy and Tin Man listening to the Lion --

LION
(sings)
...I'd click my heel
All the trees would kneel
And the mountains bow
And the bulls kowtow

MCU -- Lion -- gestures, grimaces and sings --

LION
(sings)
And the sparrow would take wing
'F -- I...'f -- I...were King!
MS - The Guard opens the peep window of the doors and looks o.s. to f.g.
- reacts to the song - CAMERA TRUCKS forward on him -

LION o.s.
(sings)
Each rabbit would show respect to me. The
chipmunks...

MCS -- Lion continues with song -- gestures magnificently as he concludes--

LION
(sings)
...genuflect to me.
Though my tail would lash
I would show compash
For every underling.
'F -- I...'f -- I --- were King
Just King!....

MS - Lion standing in left f.g. as he finishes song - Scarecrow, Dorothy
and Tin Man in front of him - they bow, then dance about as they sing -
then kneel down -

ALL
(sing)
Each rabbit would show respect to him
The chipmunks genuflect to him

SCARECROW
And his wife would be Queen of the May.

MCS - Lion -

LION
I'd be monarch of all I survey....

LS - Scarecrow, Dorothy and Tin Man bow -- then a carpet is rolled down in
front of the Lion -- all come forward as the CAMERA PULLS back -- Dorothy
acts as flower girl -- they come forward to royal robe -- it is placed on
the Lion, as they turn about, then start back to the throne -- the Tin Man
crowns the Lion with a half of a flower pot --

LION
(sings)
Monarch of all I survey....

MCU -- Lion sings -- laughs -- speaks --

LION
(sings)
Mah -- hah -- hah -- hah -- hah -- hah --
hah -- hah -- hah -- ha-narch!
(laughs)
Of all I survey!

MLS -- Scarecrow, Dorothy and Tin Man bow before the Lion as he concludes
-- Dorothy kneels, speaks -- Lion moves down from the terrace garden and
comes forward as the others question him -- CAMERA TRUCKS back to right
with them -- Lion starts up the Palace steps --

DOROTHY
Your Majesty, if you were king
You wouldn't be afraid of anything?
LION
Not nobody, not nohow!

TIN MAN
Not even a rhinoceros?

LION
Imposserous!

DOROTHY
How about a hippopotamus?

LION
Why, I'd thrash him from top to bottomamus!

DOROTHY
Supposin' you met an elephant?

LION
I'd wrap him up in cellophant!

SCARECROW
What if it were a brontosaurus?

LION
I'd show him who was King of the Fores'!

ALL
How?

LION
How?

MCU -- Lion explains --
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Lion encounter each other in the forest. The Lion threatens them and boasts about his bravery, but Dorothy stands up to him and slaps his hand when he goes after Toto. The Lion breaks down crying and admits his lack of courage. They suggest that the Wizard may be able to help him and invite him to join their journey.
Strengths "Strong character development and emotional depth"
Weaknesses "Lack of originality in plot and themes"
Critique The scene begins with the Guard announcing that he will announce the group to someone. The camera then pans to the right as the Guard exits the scene. The group, consisting of the Tin Man, Dorothy, Scarecrow, and Lion, react to this announcement. The Lion moves away from them and starts singing.

The dialogue between the characters is a mix of excitement and anticipation. They each express their hopes and desires, with the Lion particularly focused on becoming King of the Forest. The Lion's song showcases his aspirations and his vision of what being king would mean for him.

The camera movements effectively capture the action and reactions of the characters. The boom forward and pan to the left provide dynamic visuals. The use of close-ups and medium shots allow the audience to see the expressions and gestures of the characters as they sing.

The scene also includes some choreographed movements and gestures as the characters bow and dance about. This adds energy and liveliness to the scene.

Overall, the scene effectively conveys the characters' excitement and anticipation as they imagine the possibilities that being announced could bring. The dialogue and song lyrics help to showcase the characters' personalities and desires. The camera movements and choreography add visual interest and energy to the scene.
Suggestions Overall, the scene seems to flow well and effectively conveys the characters' emotions and actions. However, there are a few areas that can be improved:

1. Dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels a bit repetitive and could be streamlined. Consider removing or condensing lines that essentially convey the same message. For example, the Lion's line "In another hour, I'll be King of the Forest. Long Live the King!" and the subsequent singing could be combined into one concise line.

2. Visuals: The scene heavily relies on the dialogue, but visuals can enhance the overall impact. Consider adding more specific and vivid visual descriptions to engage the reader. For example, instead of simply stating "Lion sings -- gestures," describe the Lion's specific gestures to create a clearer image.

3. Characterization: The scene is an opportunity to showcase the characters' personalities and relationships. Explore ways to add more depth to their interactions. For example, consider adding small interactions or reactions between characters during the Lion's song to show their individual reactions and dynamics.

4. Music: If there is specific music that accompanies the scene, make sure to mention it in the scene description. This will help set the tone and atmosphere for the reader.

5. Formatting: Make sure to maintain consistent formatting throughout the script. For example, instead of using abbreviations like "CS" or "MCS" for camera shots, consider using standard industry terminology like "CLOSE UP" or "MEDIUM CLOSE UP" to ensure clarity and consistency.

By considering these suggestions, you can enhance the scene's impact and ensure that it effectively serves the story and characters.



Scene 27 -  The Lion's Lack of Courage
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
LION
Courage!
What makes a King out of a slave? Courage!

MLS -- Lion explains to Scarecrow, Tin Man and Dorothy

LION
What makes the flag on the mast to wave?
Courage!

CU - The Guard sticks his head out of the peep window in the gates - looks
o.s. to f.g. - CAMERA TRUCKS forward on him -

LION o.s.
What makes the elephant charge his tusk
In the misty....

MCU -- Lion --

LION
...mist, or the dusky dusk?
What makes the muskrat guard his musk?
Courage!

MLS -- Scarecrow, Tin Man and Dorothy listening to the Lion --
LION
What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder?
Courage!
What makes the dawn come up like thunder?
Courage!
What makes the Hottentot so hot?
What puts the "ape" in apricot?
What have they got that I ain't got?

MCS -- Shooting past the Lion to the Scarecrow, Dorothy and Tin Man --
they all speak --

ALL
Courage!

MCU -- Lion speaks, then reacts --

LION
You can say that again! Hah. Huh!?

MS -- Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow standing in front of Lion -- all
react as the Guard comes forward from b.g. -- roars at them -- then enters
the palace -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward as Dorothy begins to cry -- the others
try to comfort her --

GUARD
Go on home! The Wizard says go away!

ALL
Go away?

DOROTHY
Oh --

SCARECROW
Looks like we came a long way for nothing.

DOROTHY
Oh -- and I was so happy! I thought I was
on my way home!

TIN MAN
Don't cry, Dorothy!

CU -- The Guard looks out through the peep window to o.s. f.g. - CAMERA
TRUCKS forward --

TIN MAN o.s.
We're going to get you to the Wizard.

SCARECROW o.s.
We certainly are! How? How are we?

CS -- Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow grouped about Dorothy - Lion and
Scarecrow speak -- Dorothy speaks as she sobs --

LION
Would...would it do any good if I roared?

SCARECROW
Who at?

LION
I don't know.
DOROTHY
Auntie Em was so good to me -- and I never
appreciated it. Running away -- and hurting
her feelings.

CU -- Dorothy sobs, then speaks to the others o.s. --

DOROTHY
Professor Marvel said she was sick. She may
be dying -- and -- and it's all my fault!

CU -- The Guard, with streams of tears pouring down his cheeks --

CU -- Dorothy sobbing --

DOROTHY
Oh, I'll never forgive myself! Never --
never -- never!

MS -- The Guard looking out window -- he sobs -- speaks -- CAMERA PULLS
back to enter Dorothy and her three friends -- the Guard exits from the
window -- Dorothy and the others rise as the gates to palace open - a long
corridor seen in b.g. -- they start cautiously forward down it -- CAMERA
TRUCKS forward --

GUARD
Oh, oh -- please don't cry any more. I'll
get you into the Wizard somehow. Come on.
I had an Aunt Em myself once.

Int. Corridor -- MS -- CAMERA TRUCKS back ahead of the Scarecrow, Lion,
Dorothy and Tin Man as they come forward -- they stop at intervals, keep
the Lion from running back -- then they tip-toe forward -- react to echo --

LION
Wait a minute, fellahs. I was just
thinkin'. I really don't want to see the
Wizard this much. I better wait for you
outside.

SCARECROW
What's the matter?

TIN MAN
Oh, he's just ascared again.

DOROTHY
Don't you know the Wizard's going to give
you some courage?

LION
I'd be too scared to ask him for it.

DOROTHY
Oh, well, then -- we'll ask him for you.

LION
I'd sooner wait outside.

DOROTHY
But why? Why?

LION
Because I'm still scared!
DOROTHY
Oh, come on.

LION
Ohh!

SCARECROW
What happened?

LION
Somebody pulled my tail.

SCARECROW
Oh, you did it yourself!

LION
I -- Oh --

SCARECROW
Here -- Come on.

LION
What was that?
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion encounter each other in the dark and creepy forest. The Lion threatens them and boasts about his bravery, but Dorothy stands up to him and slaps his hand when he goes after Toto. The Lion breaks down crying and admits his lack of courage. They suggest that the Wizard may be able to help him and invite him to join their journey.
Strengths "Strong character development, compelling dialogue, emotional moments"
Weaknesses "Lack of visual descriptions"
Critique Overall, the scene effectively conveys the theme of courage through dialogue and character interactions. The use of repetition in Lion's lines ("Courage!") adds emphasis and reinforces the central message. The scene utilizes a mix of wider shots and close-ups to capture the reactions and emotions of the characters. Additionally, the inclusion of the Guard's tears and the mention of Aunt Em dying adds emotional depth to the scene. The pacing and camera movements help maintain engagement throughout. One suggestion for improvement would be to clarify the location transitions, as it is not always clear when the characters move from one place to another.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more stage directions and character descriptions: This will help the reader visualize the scene and understand the characters' actions and emotions better.

2. Consider adding more dialogue to enhance the character development and add depth to the scene. This can include internal thoughts, reminiscing about past experiences, or expressing their fears and concerns.

3. Make the dialogue more concise and impactful. Eliminate repetitive lines or lines that don't contribute significantly to the scene.

4. Add more specific reactions to the characters. Explore their body language, facial expressions, and gestures to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

5. Create a stronger emotional arc for Dorothy. Explore her guilt and sadness more deeply, allowing the audience to empathize with her more.

6. Consider adding more visual elements to the scene. Show the characters moving through the corridor or interacting with their surroundings to give the scene a visual progression.

7. Utilize the setting to create a more immersive atmosphere. Describe the palace in more detail or use sensory details to enhance the audience's experience.

8. Experiment with the pacing and flow of the dialogue. Use shorter and punchier lines to create more tension or longer and more thoughtful lines to slow down the pace and build emotional intensity.

9. Show the characters' relationships and dynamics through their interactions. Highlight their support and camaraderie, as well as any conflicts or misunderstandings.

10. Consider using subtext in the dialogue to add depth and complexity. Allow the characters to express their fears or desires indirectly, creating a more nuanced and layered scene.



Scene 28 -  Confrontation with the Lion
  • Overall: 8.2
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
DOROTHY
Our echo.

OZ'S VOICE
Tap - tap - tap - tap - What was that -
that - that? Our echo - echo - echo.

MLS - The Lion starts to bolt, but the others grab him - Dorothy speaks as
they face down corridor to b.g. - Voice of Oz heard -

DOROTHY
Oh, come on - come on! We'll soon find the
Wizard!

OZ'S VOICE
The Wizard - The Wizard - The Great and
Powerful Wizard of Oz - Oz - Oz-Oz - Oz -
Oz - Oz - Oz!

ELS -- Shooting down the corridor to the doors at the end -- they open as
the voice of Oz booms out --

OZ'S VOICE
The Great Wizard of Oz. Come forward!

MS -- Scarecrow, Lion, Dorothy and Tin Man come forward - the Lion speaks,
hides his eyes --

LION
Tell me when it's over! Oh!

ELS -- The four move down the corridor to the b.g. --

LS -- Int. Throne Room -- The Four enter through door at left -- CAMERA
PANS them right as they move toward center of room -- they react as they
see the throne in the b.g. -- flame and smoke belching forth from the
throne --
LION
Oh! Look at that! Look at that! Oh --
Ohhhh -- I want to go home -- I want to go
home!

LS -- Throne -- fire and smoke issuing forth --

OZ'S VOICE
I am Oz, the Great and Powerful!

MLS -- The Four trembling and shaking with fear --

OZ'S VOICE
Who are you?

LS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
Who are you?

MLS -- The Four react with fear -- the others shove Dorothy forward -- she
comes forward, speaks --

DOROTHY
I -- If you please, I - I am Dorothy,

MCU -- Dorothy -- speaks, looks back at the others --

DOROTHY
...the small and meek. We've come to ask
you --

ELS -- Throne -- flame and smoke pouring out --

OZ'S VOICE
Silence!

MCU -- Dorothy reacts, turns and runs back to the others --

MLS -- Dorothy returns to the other three -- speaks -

DOROTHY
Ohhh -- Jiminy Crickets!

ELS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
The Great and Powerful Oz knows why you
have come. Step forward,....

MLS -- The Four -- the Tin Man shakes, speaks - comes wobbling forward --

OZ'S VOICE
...Tin Man!

TIN MAN
Ohhhh -- it's me!

LS - Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
You dare to come to me for a heart, do you?
You clinking, clanking, clattering
collection of caliginous....
MCU -- Tin Man trembling with fear -- he speaks, then reacts as the Voice
booms out -- turns to run --

OZ'S VOICE
...junk!

TIN MAN
Ohhhh -- yes...yes, sir -- Y-Yes, your
Honor. You see, a while back, we were
walking down the Yellow Brick Road, and --

OZ'S VOICE
Quiet!

TIN MAN
Ohhhhhh!

LS -- The Tin Man runs back to Dorothy, Lion and the Scarecrow as flames
pour from the throne in b.g. -- the Voice speaks -- the Scarecrow almost
collapses -- then moves forward and salaams in front of the throne --

OZ'S VOICE
And you, Scarecrow, have the effrontery to
ask for a brain?

MLS -- Scarecrow kneeling in f.g. as the other three watch from the b.g. --
he speaks -- salaams --

OZ'S VOICE
You billowing bale of bovine fodder!

SCARECROW
Y-Yes -- Yes, Your Honor -- I mean, Your
Excellency -- I -- I mean -- Your Wizardry!

LS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
Enough!

MLS -- Scarecrow rises, runs back to Lion, Tin Man and Dorothy --

OZ'S VOICE
...Uh -- And you,....

LS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
...Lion!

MLS -- Scarecrow, Dorothy, Lion and Tin Man -- the Lion groans with fear
as he comes slowly forward --

DOROTHY AND SCARECROW
Oh -- Oh -- Ohhhh!

LS -- Throne --

MCU -- Lion tries to speak -- faints and falls back --

MLS -- The Lion falls to the floor -- Dorothy and the others run forward
to him --
DOROTHY
Oh -- Oh -- Oh!....

MCS -- Scarecrow and Dorothy bending over Lion -- Dorothy reacts, turns
and speaks as she looks toward the throne o.s. in f.g. --

DOROTHY
...You ought to be ashamed of yourself --
frightening him like that, when he came to
you for help!

ELS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
Silence!....

MLS -- The Four -- Dorothy and Scarecrow sit down as they react to Oz's
Voice --

OZ'S VOICE
...Whippersnapper!

MLS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
The beneficent Oz has every intention of
granting....
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion confront the Lion in the dark forest. The Lion threatens them and boasts about his bravery, but Dorothy stands up to him and slaps his hand when he goes after Toto. The Lion breaks down crying and admits his lack of courage. They suggest that the Wizard may be able to help him and invite him to join their journey.
Strengths "Intense emotional confrontation, character development, witty dialogue"
Weaknesses "Some cliched lines, lack of depth in secondary characters"
Critique Overall, this scene effectively conveys the fear and tension that the characters are experiencing as they approach the Wizard of Oz. The repetition of dialogue, such as "Our echo - echo - echo" and "Oz - Oz - Oz", helps to build suspense and emphasize the power of the Wizard. The use of camera angles, such as the ELS of the throne and the MLS of the Four trembling with fear, adds visual interest and reinforces the emotions of the characters.

One aspect that could be improved is the clarity of the dialogue. Some of the lines, particularly those spoken by Oz, can be a bit confusing and difficult to understand. It would be helpful to clarify the intentions and emotions behind the characters' words, as this would heighten the impact of the scene and allow the audience to fully grasp the weight of the moment. Additionally, some of the action descriptions could be more concise and focused, as to provide a clearer visual image for the reader.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the action: Provide more specific actions for the characters. Describe their movements, reactions, and gestures in detail to make the scene more visually engaging.

2. Condense dialogue: Streamline the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Remove repetitive phrases and unnecessary repetition.

3. Enhance character reactions: Highlight the characters' emotions and reactions to the voice of Oz. Show their fear, anticipation, and frustration through their body language and facial expressions.

4. Vary sentence structure: Mix up the sentence structure for better flow and variety. Use different sentence lengths to create a more dynamic rhythm.

5. Develop character voices: Develop distinct voices for each character to make their dialogue more unique and memorable. Capture their personalities through their speech patterns and word choices.

6. Utilize more descriptive language: Use vivid and descriptive language to paint a clearer picture in the reader's mind. Create a more visually engaging and immersive scene by using sensory details and specific imagery.

7. Build tension: Increase the tension and suspense by pacing the scene effectively. Gradually intensify the characters' fears and anticipation as they approach the throne room.

8. Show character growth: Show the characters evolving and growing throughout the scene. Highlight their bravery, determination, or moments of vulnerability to make their journey more compelling.

9. Consider pacing: Evaluate the pacing of the scene and determine if any moments can be sped up or slowed down for better dramatic effect. Make sure the scene flows smoothly and maintains the reader's interest.

10. Connect the scene to the larger story: Ensure that the scene has clear connections to the overall story and contributes to the characters' arcs and development. Tie it back to the main plot and themes to give it greater significance.



Scene 29 -  The Lion's Lack of Courage
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
MCS -- Scarecrow and Dorothy bending over Lion -- the Lion revives, sits
up, speaks -- Dorothy starts to pull him up --

OZ'S VOICE
...your requests!

LION
What's that? What'd he say?

DOROTHY
Oh -- Oh, come on.

LION
Huh? What'd he say?

MS -- Dorothy helps the Lion to his feet -- the four of them listen as Oz
speaks --

OZ'S VOICE
But first, you must prove yourselves worthy
by performing a very small task.

LS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
Bring me the broomstick of the Witch...

MS -- The Four, trembling with fear -- the Tin Man speaks --

OZ'S VOICE
...of the West.

TIN MAN
B-B-B-B-B-But if we do that, we'll have to
kill her to get it!
LS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
Bring me her broomstick, and I'll grant your
requests.

MS - The trembling Four -- the Lion starts to speak --

OZ'S VOICE
Now, go!

LION
But -- but what if she kills us first?

OZ'S VOICE
... I ....

MLS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
...said, -Go!

MS -- The Four -- the Lion jumps with fright --

LS -- The Four standing in front of the throne in b.g. -- CAMERA PANS left
with the Lion as he runs out of the throne room and into the corridor --

ELS -- shooting down the length of the corridor -- the Lion comes running
forward toward camera -- CAMERA PANS left with him as he dives through
window to exit --


FADE OUT:

FADE IN -- TRUCKING SHOT of weird trees of the Haunted Forest -- PANS DOWN
to sign post --

HAUNTED FOREST
WITCHES CASTLE
1 MILE

I'D TURN
BACK IF I
WERE YOU!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS -- Dorothy -- Scarecrow -- Tin Man and Lion walking thru forest -- they
walk forward -- CAMERA TRUCKS ahead of them -- they stop -- look at the
sign post --

MCS -- Dorothy -- Scarecrow -- Lion and Tin Man looking at sign -- Lion
reads -- nods -- turns to b.g. -- Tin Man and Scarecrow stop him -- the
others shake their head -- CAMERA TRUCKS back as they walk forward again --
Lion growling -- they react to noise o.s. --

LION
"I'd turn back if I were you."
(growls)

CS -- Two owls on limb of tree --

MS -- Dorothy -- Scarecrow -- Lion and Tin Man react -- Lion runs to b.g.
-- Scarecrow and Tin Man catch him -- carry him forward -- he cries --
CS -- Two crows on limb of tree --

MS - Dorothy and group - they speak - Lion hands spray to Dorothy -
Scarecrow takes the spray - throws it o.s. right -

TIN MAN
From now on, we're on enemy ground. You
should have something to protect yourself
with.

LION
She - she can have my Witch Remover.

DOROTHY
Does it work?

LION
No, but it's wonderful for threatening with.

DOROTHY
Oh --

SCARECROW
Oh, here - give me that thing!

MLS - Spray hits the ground - then vanishes -

MS - Dorothy and Group react - speak - net flies out of Lion's hand - all
react -

SCARECROW
Oh, did - did you see that?

TIN MAN
Oh - look out.

SCARECROW
You know something?

MCU -- Lion and Scarecrow --

SCARECROW
I believe they're spooks around here.

MCU -- Dorothy and Tin Man --

TIN MAN
That's ridiculous! Spooks -- that's....

MCU -- Lion and Scarecrow --

TIN MAN o.s.
...silly.

LION
Don't you believe in spooks?

MS -- Dorothy and group -- Tin Man goes up out of scene -- others react --

TIN MAN
No. Why only -- Oh --

DOROTHY
Oh! Oh, Tin Man! Oh!
LS -- Dorothy -- Lion and Scarecrow watching Tin Man -- he falls to ground
in f.g. -- Dorothy and Scarecrow run forward -- help him up --

DOROTHY
Oh -- Oh --

SCARECROW
Oh -- are you -- are you all right?

CS -- Lion, his eyes closed tight -- speaks --

LION
I do believe in spooks, I do believe in
spooks. I do -- I do -- I do -- I do -- I
do -- I....

MS -- Image of Lion in Crystal -- Witch and Winged Monkeys looking into
crystal -- Image of Lion fades out -- CAMERA PANS left as Witch runs
around -- goes to Winged Monkeys -- she speaks to them -- CAMERA TRUCKS
forward -- Winged Monkeys fly out -- others flying thru in b.g. -- CAMERA
TRUCKS back --
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Lion encounter each other in the dark and creepy forest. The Lion threatens them and boasts about his bravery, but Dorothy stands up to him and slaps his hand when he goes after Toto. The Lion breaks down crying and admits his lack of courage. They suggest that the Wizard may be able to help him and invite him to join their journey.
Strengths "The scene effectively portrays the Lion's initial boastfulness and subsequent vulnerability, highlighting the theme of courage and growth. The pacing and tension of the scene are well-executed."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful, and the stakes could be heightened further."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively moves the plot forward. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the dialogue could be more concise and impactful. Some of the lines are repetitive and could be condensed to make the conversation flow smoother. For example, instead of the Lion repeatedly asking "What'd he say?" and Dorothy responding "Oh -- Oh, come on," it could be condensed to one exchange.

Additionally, the actions and reactions of the characters could be more described to enhance the visual experience for the reader. Adding more specific details about their body language, facial expressions, and reactions to the events happening around them would help to engage the reader and create a more immersive experience.

Lastly, the transition between scenes could be smoother. Rather than using "FADE OUT" and "FADE IN," consider using more descriptive language to transition from one scene to another. This would help to maintain the momentum and flow of the story.

Overall, the scene effectively conveys the tension and fear experienced by the characters but could benefit from more concise dialogue and enhanced descriptions of actions and reactions.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from some clarification and stronger character moments. Here are some suggestions:

1. Provide more context for the scene: Consider adding a brief description or location setting at the beginning of the scene to give the audience a clearer understanding of where the characters are and what they are doing.

2. Clarify the dialogue: Some of the dialogue exchanges could be made clearer by adding more specific information. For example, when the Four are listening to Oz speak, it would help to include what their facial expressions and reactions are to emphasize their fear and uncertainty.

3. Strengthen character actions: Instead of simply stating that Dorothy helps the Lion to his feet, consider showing the physical struggle and effort it takes for her to do so. This can help express their bond and friendship.

4. Show character internal thoughts: Consider including internal monologues or thoughts for the characters, especially when they are reacting to Oz's requests. This can provide more insight into their fears, doubts, and motivations.

5. Enhance visual cues: Look for opportunities to add more visual cues and actions that enhance the tension and atmosphere of the scene. For example, when the Lion jumps with fright, consider adding a description of his physical reaction to heighten the tension for the audience.

6. Build up the threat of the Witch: Explore ways to make the threat of the Witch and the importance of retrieving her broomstick more palpable. This could involve adding moments of suspense and anticipation as the characters discuss the implications of their task.

7. Create stronger character dynamics: Consider adding moments of conflict or disagreement between the characters to create more dynamic interactions. This could be done through the Tin Man questioning the belief in spooks or the Lion and Scarecrow having a humorous argument.

8. Use descriptive language: Employ descriptive language to evoke the eerie and haunted atmosphere of the forest and the threatening presence of the Witch. This can help to immerse the reader and set the tone for the upcoming scenes.

9. Simplify and streamline action sequences: Take a second look at the action sequences and see if there are any unnecessary or repetitive actions that can be removed or condensed. This will help the pacing of the scene and keep the reader engaged.

10. Consider visual and cinematic elements: Think about how this scene can be visually translated on screen. Play with camera angles, movements, and reactions to enhance the visual storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 30 -  The Jitter Bug Encounter
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
LION
...do believe in spooks. I do believe in
spooks! I do -- I do -- I do -- I do -- I
do -- I do!

WITCH
(laughs)
You'll believe in more than that before
I've finished with you. Take your army to
the Haunted Forest, and bring me that girl
and her dog! Do what you like with the
others, but I want her alive and unharmed!
They'll give you no trouble, I promise you
that. I've sent a little insect on ahead
to take the fight out of them. Take special
care of those ruby slippers. I want those
most of all. Now, fly! Fly! Bring me that
girl and her slippers! Fly! Fly! Fly!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

LS - Dorothy - Scarecrow - Tin Man and Lion walking forward thru Haunted
Forest - Lion yells -

MCU - Lion growling - Jitterbug on his nose - he looks down at it - speaks
- CAMERA TRUCKS back - Tin Man slaps the bug away -

LION
What's that? What's that? Take it away -
take it away - Take it away!
(cries)

TIN MAN
Hold still - hold still --

MLS - Scarecrow - Dorothy - Tin Man and Lion - Dorothy jumps as Jitterbug
bites her leg - Tin Man speaks - all start forward - Tin Man yells -
Dorothy takes bug off his neck - Bug bites Scarecrow - he jumps in the air
- falls to ground - jumps up again - CAMERA PANS the Four to right - they
react to quivering trees and noise - CAMERA TRUCKS back - Dorothy and
others tremble and move about as they sing -
DOROTHY
Oh! Something bit me, too!

TIN MAN
Now come on - you're acting silly --
(yells)

SCARECROW
Oh, come on now - everybody --
(yells)

DOROTHY
(sings)
Did you just hear what I just heard?

LION
(sings)
That noise don't come from no ordinary bird.

DOROTHY
It may be just a cricket
Or a critter in the trees.

TIN MAN
It's giving me the jitters
In the joints around my knees.

CS - Scarecrow and Tin Man - CAMERA PANS to right to Lion and Dorothy -
each sing -

SCARECROW
Oh, I think I see a jijik
And he's fuzzy and he's furry
I haven't got a brain
But I think I ought to worry!

TIN MAN
I haven't got a heart
But I got a palpitation.

LION
As Monarch of the Forest
I don't like the situation.

DOROTHY
Are you gonna stand around
And let 'em fill us full of horror?

LION
I'd like to roar 'em down --
But I think I lost my roarer.

LS - Dorothy - Lion - Scarecrow and Tin Man running around - the tree
quivering -

MS - Scarecrow - Tin Man - Lion and Dorothy huddled together - looking
o.s. -

TIN MAN
It's a whozis.

SCARECROW
It's a whozis?
LION
It's a whatzis.

TIN MAN
It's a whatzis?

LION
Whozat?

TIN MAN
Whozat?

SCARECROW
Whozat?

MCS - Scarecrow - Tin Man - Lion and Dorothy - Dorothy steps forward -
sings - CAMERA PANS right as she dances back near Lion -

DOROTHY
Whozat?
Who's that hiding
In the tree top?
It's that rascal
The Jitter Bug.
Should you catch him
Buzzin' round you
Keep away from
The Jitter Bug!
Oh, the bats....

MS - Scarecrow - Tin Man - Lion and Dorothy - Dorothy singing - CAMERA
PANS - TRUCKS back as all dance -

DOROTHY
...and the bees
And the breeze in the trees
Have a terrible, horrible buzz.
But the bats and the bees
And the breeze in the trees
Couldn't do what the Jitter Bug does.
So be careful
Of that rascal
Keep away from --

SCARECROW - TIN MAN AND LION
-- The Jitter Bug!
Oh, The Jitter -
Oh, the Bug
Oh, the Jitter -

ALL
Bug-bug-a-bug-bug-bug-bug-bug-a-boo!

MS - Lion runs over by tree - tree catches hold of Lion's tail - Scarecrow
runs in - releases Lion - tree grabs Scarecrow - he finally gets free -
CAMERA PANS left as Scarecrow runs over to Dorothy held by another tree -
Tin Man starts to chop at tree - Limb of tree hits him over the head - Tin
Man staggers - throws axe o.s. - Lion enters - CAMERA TRUCKS as the four
dance -
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy, the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion encounter the Jitter Bug in the haunted forest. The Jitter Bug bites and causes havoc, making the group scared and jittery. They sing and dance, trying to stay calm. The scene ends with the group being attacked by trees and dancing in panic.
Strengths "Strong character moments, tension and conflict, visually engaging"
Weaknesses "Lack of clear motivation for the Jitter Bug, some awkward dialogue"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue is lively and the actions of the characters are clear. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon for clarity and pacing.

Firstly, the transition from the dialogue between the Witch and Lion to the action in the Haunted Forest could be smoother. Consider adding a scene heading to clearly indicate the change in location. Additionally, the LAP DISSOLVE TO could be removed, as it interrupts the flow of the scene.

In terms of dialogue, some lines could be condensed or rephrased for clarity and brevity. For example, the line "What's that? What's that? Take it away - take it away - Take it away!" by the Lion could be simplified to "What's that? Take it away!" This makes the dialogue more punchy and less repetitive.

Furthermore, the chorus-like singing towards the end of the scene could benefit from clearer formatting. Consider separating the lines spoken by each character in their own short paragraphs, and perhaps numbering each line to indicate the back-and-forth pattern.

In terms of pacing, the scene could benefit from more detailed descriptions of the physical actions and reactions of the characters. This would help to create a better visual image for both the reader and potential viewers of the scene. Additionally, some of the actions, such as the Lion running over to a tree and getting caught by its tail, could be expanded upon to add more tension and excitement.

Overall, this scene has a lot of potential and is enjoyable to read. By making some adjustments to the formatting, dialogue, and action descriptions, it could become an even stronger and more visually engaging scene.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the motives and objectives of the characters in the scene. What are they trying to accomplish? What stakes are involved? This will help add tension and conflict to the scene.

2. Consider adding more visual elements to enhance the spooky atmosphere of the Haunted Forest. Describe the surroundings in more detail and use vivid language to create a sense of dread and unease.

3. Develop the dialogue further to give each character a distinct voice. Make sure their lines reflect their personalities and the situations they're in. This will make the scene more engaging and memorable.

4. Think about the pacing of the scene. Is it too slow or too fast? Consider trimming unnecessary dialogue or adding action descriptions to keep the scene flowing smoothly.

5. Explore opportunities for visual storytelling. Instead of relying solely on dialogue, consider how certain actions or reactions can convey emotions or information. This will make the scene more dynamic and cinematic.

6. Consider adding more subtext or layers to the scene. Are there underlying emotions or conflicts between the characters that can be explored? This will add depth and complexity to the scene.

7. Ensure that the scene contributes to the overall story arc and character development. Ask yourself how this scene helps advance the plot or reveal something important about the characters.

8. End the scene with a strong image or cliffhanger to leave the audience wanting more. This will help build anticipation for the next scene and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 31 -  Captured by Winged Monkeys
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
ALL
In a twitter
In the throes
SCARECROW
Oh, the critter's
Got me dancin' on a thousand toes.

TIN MAN
Thar she blows!

LS - Dorothy and Group dancing - Trees of the forest moving in rhythm -

MS - Lion and Tin Man dancing -

CS - Lion and Tin Man dancing -

LS - Tin Man - Lion - Dorothy and Scarecrow dancing -

MLS - The Four dancing -

ELS - The army of Winged Monkeys flying over Haunted Forest -

MLS - Dorothy and Group dancing - look up o.s. - react -

ELS -- The army of Winged Monkeys flying over Haunted Forest --

MLS -- Dorothy and Group react -- run to b.g.--

LS -- The Winged Monkeys fly down into forest -- CAMERA PANS RIGHT as they
fly down near Dorothy and group running to b.g. --

LS -- The Winged Monkeys landing -- run out at right --

ELS -- Shooting down as the Winged Monkeys land -- Dorothy and group exit
far b.g. --

LS -- The Winged Monkeys capturing the group -- Dorothy runs out right --

MLS -- The Winged Monkeys running after Dorothy -- CAMERA PANS right --

LS -- Dorothy runs forward -- two Winged Monkeys after her -- they exit
right f.g. --

MLS -- Tin Man swinging axe at the Winged monkeys --

TIN MAN
Go away now!

MLS -- Winged Monkeys tromping on the Scarecrow --

SCARECROW
Help! Help!

MS - Lion in center of group of monkeys - he doubles his fists - speaks
- Monkey in tree hits him over the head with axe -

LION
Why, I'll -- Foul! Foul!

LS -- Two Winged Monkeys running to b.g. with Dorothy - they swoop up into
the air -- exit upper b.g. --

MCS -- Toto runs forward -- looks up o.s. -- barks --

ELS -- Two Winged Monkeys carrying Dorothy -- Flying to right over haunted
forest --
MCS -- Toto barking -- Winged Monkey picks him up -- CAMERA PANS right as
he flies out with Toto --

ELS -- Army of Winged Monkeys flying to right over the Haunted Forest --

MLS -- The Winged Monkeys tearing Scarecrow apart -- Scarecrow yells --
the Winged Monkeys exit right -- Tin Man and Lion enter -- CAMERA TRUCKS
forward on them as Lion and Tin Man try to put Scarecrow together --

SCARECROW
Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!

TIN MAN
Oh! Well, what happened to you?

SCARECROW
They tore my legs off, and they threw them
over there! Then they took my chest out,
and they threw it over there!

TIN MAN
Well, that's you all over.

LION
They sure knocked the stuffings out of you,
didn't they?

SCARECROW
Don't stand there talking! Put me together!
We've got to find Dorothy!

TIN MAN
Now, let' s see -- this goes -- Oh, I wish
I were better at puzzles.

LION
Wait a minute. This is the left one. He
walks bad enough already.

TIN MAN
Oh, poor Dorothy. We may never see her
again.

SCARECROW
Who do you suppose they were? And where did
they take her? A fine thing - to go to
pieces at a time like this!

TIN MAN
Now, now, don't fret.

SCARECROW
Oh, dear, dear.

TIN MAN
We'll get you together!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

CS -- Toto in Witch's lap -- CAMERA TRUCKS back -- Witch rises -- Nikko
standing at right -- Witch puts Toto in basket -- Dorothy at left f.g.
crying -- Witch turns to Dorothy -- speaks to her -- Nikko carries Toto to
b.g. -- Dorothy goes over to Nikko --
WITCH
What a nice little dog! And you, my dear.
What an unexpected pleasure! It's so kind
of you to visit me in my loneliness.

MCS -- Dorothy reacts -- turns -- speaks to Witch -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward
on them -- CAMERA PANS left as Witch crosses to Nikko -- speaks to him --

DOROTHY
What are you going to do with my dog? Give
him back to me!

WITCH
All in good time, my little pretty -- all
in good time.

DOROTHY
Oh, please give me back my dog!

WITCH
Certainly -- certainly -- when you give me
those slippers.

DOROTHY
But the Good Witch of the North told me not
to.

WITCH
Very well! Throw that basket in the river
and drown him!

MLS -- Dorothy crying -- speaks to Witch -- then steps up on step -- Witch
looks down at slippers on Dorothy's feet --

DOROTHY
No! No -- no! Here -- you can have your
old slippers -- but give me back Toto.

WITCH
That's a good little girl. I knew you'd
see reason.

CS -- Slippers on Dorothy's feet -- the hands of the Witch reach in --
begin to tremble --

CS -- Witch jumps back -- Dorothy reacts -- Witch looks at her -- hands --
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Dorothy and her group encounter the Winged Monkeys in the haunted forest. The monkeys capture Dorothy and Toto, tear apart the Scarecrow, and try to put him back together. They discuss their fear for Dorothy's safety and wonder who the monkeys were. Meanwhile, the Wicked Witch of the West holds Toto hostage and tries to convince Dorothy to give her the ruby slippers.
Strengths "The scene has a high level of conflict and tension, with the characters being attacked by Winged Monkeys and Dorothy's dog being held hostage. The stakes are high as they try to find Dorothy and put the Scarecrow back together. The scene moves the story forward by showing the characters' determination to rescue Dorothy and their willingness to face dangerous situations."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable. Some character actions and reactions could be further developed to create stronger emotional impact."
Critique Overall, the scene could benefit from some clarification and improvements in terms of the visual descriptions and character interactions.

1. Description: The scene lacks clear scene headings and transitions between different shots. It would be helpful to have distinct headings for each shot and to specify whether they are long shots (LS), medium shots (MS), close-ups (CS), etc.

2. Clarity: Some actions and character movements are not clearly described, making it difficult for the reader to visualize what is happening. For example, in the first LS shot, it is unclear what dancing trees and group dancing mean. Providing more specific details and actions would make the scene easier to understand and imagine.

3. Character Interaction: The dialogue lacks clear character attribution, making it unclear who is speaking at times. Additionally, it would be beneficial to have more physical descriptions and actions to accompany the dialogue.

4. Pacing: The scene feels rushed and lacks moments of pause or reflection. Breaking up the action with some quieter moments or character reactions could improve the overall flow and emotional impact of the scene.

5. Visual Appeal: While there are some interesting visuals described, such as the winged monkeys and the torn scarecrow, the scene could benefit from more imaginative and unique visual descriptions to make it visually compelling.

Overall, the scene needs more specific and detailed descriptions of actions, character interactions, and visual elements. Additionally, providing clearer scene headings and transitions between shots would improve the readability and understanding of the scene.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the action: The scene could benefit from more specific action descriptions, especially during the dance sequence and the capture of the group. Specify the movements of the characters, their expressions, and reactions to each other and their surroundings.

2. Streamline the action: The scene contains a lot of back-and-forth action, with characters running, flying, and fighting. Consider condensing or simplifying some of the action to make it clearer and easier for the audience to follow.

3. Add more dialogue: While the scene does have some dialogue, particularly towards the end, adding more dialogue throughout could help to further develop the characters, their relationships, and their emotions.

4. Add character objectives: Clearly establish the objectives of each character in the scene. What do they want to achieve? How do they plan to do it? This will help create more tension and conflict within the scene.

5. Increase the stakes: Make the danger and consequences of the Winged Monkeys' capture more apparent. Show the emotional and physical impact it has on the characters, raising the stakes for the audience.

6. Enhance character dynamics: Explore the existing dynamics between the characters further. Show how they support each other, argue, or work together to overcome challenges. This will add depth to their relationships and make the scene more engaging.

7. Build suspense: Create more tension and suspense within the scene. Use pacing, music, and camera angles to heighten the audience's anticipation and keep them engaged throughout.

8. Consider the visual elements: As a screenwriter, you can suggest visuals that will enhance the scene. Think about how the dance sequence could be visually stunning, or how the Winged Monkeys' capture and the tearing apart of the Scarecrow could be visually shocking and impactful.

Remember, these are just suggestions and it ultimately depends on the tone and style of the film you are writing. Adapt them to fit your vision for the story.



Scene 32 -  The Witch's Threat
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
WITCH
Ahh! Ah!

DOROTHY
I'm sorry. I didn't do it! Can I still
have my dog?

WITCH
No! Fool, that I am! I should have
remembered -- those slippers will never
come off, as long as...

CU -- Dorothy reacts -- speaks --

WITCH o.s.
...you're alive.
DOROTHY
What are you gonna do?

CU - Witch looks up o.s. - speaks -

WITCH
What do you thing I'm going to do? But
that's not what's worrying me -- it's how
to do it. These things must be done
delicately....

CS -- Toto sticks his head out of basket --

WITCH o.s.
...or you hurt the spell.

MS -- Witch and Dorothy -- Nikko standing by table in b.g. -- Toto jumps
out of basket -- runs out door in b.g. -- Dorothy speaks to Toto -- Witch
turns on Nikko -- he runs out in b.g. --

DOROTHY
Run, Toto, run!

WITCH
Catch him, you fool!

LS -- Toto running forward down steps -- Nikko after him -- CAMERA PANS
down to left with Toto --

MS -- Dorothy at window -- looking down o.s. -- Witch comes forward to
her --

MLS -- Toto runs forward over drawbridge as bridge starts up --

CS -- Toto on edge of drawbridge -- looks down o.s. --

MLS -- Toto on edge of drawbridge -- Guards run forward -- carrying spears
-- Toto jumps -- (Guards yell)

MS -- Toto jumps down among rocks --

DOROTHY o.s.
Run, Toto, run!

MLS -- Guards throwing spears o.s. -- all yelling --

MLS -- Toto running to b.g. -- spears fall around him -- Toto runs up
among rocks in b.g. --

DOROTHY o.s.
Run, Toto, run!

MCU -- Dorothy crying -- speaks --

DOROTHY
He got away! He got away!

MCS -- Dorothy and Witch -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward on them - Witch speaks
to Dorothy -- CAMERA TRUCKS as Witch hurries to b.g. --
WITCH
Ohhh! Which is more than you will! Drat
you and your dog! You've been more trouble
to me than you're worth, one way or another
-- but it'll soon be over now!

MCS -- Witch picks up huge hour glass -- turns it over -- speaks --

WITCH
Do you see that? That's how much longer
you've got to be alive! And it isn't....

CU -- Dorothy crying --

WITCH o.s.
...long, my pretty! It isn't long!

CS -- Witch looks o.s. -- speaks -- CAMERA PANS as she runs to b.g. --

WITCH
I can't wait forever to get those shoes!

CU -- Dorothy crying -- exits left --

MS -- Dorothy -- CAMERA PANS her left -- she crosses -- looks at hour
glass --

CU -- Hour Glass-

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

ELS - Toto jumping down rocky edge of mountains - (Toto barking)

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

MLS - Toto runs forward - looks o.s. - barks - exits left f.g. -

MS -- Ext. Haunted Forest -- the Lion and the Tin Man put the Scarecrow
back together -- they speak -- then react, look off to right as they hear
Toto barking o.s.

TIN MAN
There. Now, that's the best we can do
without any pins.

LION
Yeah --

SCARECROW
Oh, don't worry about me. I'm all right. We
must worry about Dorothy.

TIN MAN
But how can we find her? We don't even know
where she is. Look! There's....

LS -- Toto comes running forward through forest -- CAMERA PANS him left to
the Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow --

TIN MAN o.s.
...Toto! Where's he come from?

CU -- Toto barks at the three o.s. in f.g. --
CS -- Lion, Scarecrow and Tin Man react, speak --

SCARECROW
Why, don't you see? He's come to take
us....

MLS -- The Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion react, rise -- Toto barks, leads
them as they run down trail to right b.g. -- CAMERA PANS with them --

SCARECROW
...to Dorothy!

TIN MAN
Oh --

SCARECROW
Come on, fellows!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

Int. Tower Room -- Close on the hour glass on the table -- CAMERA PULLS
back to reveal Dorothy standing by the table as she watches the sand run
through the glass -- she looks about desperately --

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

ELS -- The Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion making their way over rocky
hillside -- Toto barks as he waits for them

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

CU -- Toto makes his way over top of the rocks -- barks -- exits out to
right --

MS -- The Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow struggling up the rocks -- the Tin
Man slips --

ELS -- The Tin Man slips off the side of the rocks -- hangs to the Lion's
tail to keep from falling -- the Scarecrow tries to help him --

LION
Oh -- Oh -- Oh -- I....

MS -- the Tin Man hanging to Lion's tail -- they speak -- Scarecrow tries
to get up to help them both --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy is confronted by the Wicked Witch of the West, who threatens her and reveals that the ruby slippers cannot be taken off. Toto escapes, much to the Witch's frustration. The Witch reveals her plan to end Dorothy's life, using a hourglass to count down the time she has left. Meanwhile, the Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man reunite and try to find Dorothy. The scene ends with the Tin Man slipping off a rocky ledge and hanging onto the Lion's tail.
Strengths "High stakes, emotional impact, strong conflict"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be stronger, theme development can be more nuanced"
Critique Overall, this scene seems to flow well and effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Dialogue: The dialogue between Dorothy and the Witch could be more impactful and engaging. The lines feel a bit generic and could benefit from more specific and emotionally charged language.

2. Action description: Some of the action descriptions could be more concise and clear. For example, instead of using abbreviations such as LS and ELS, it would be better to describe the shots more explicitly.

3. Emotional beats: There is potential to elevate the emotional beats in this scene. Adding more inner thoughts, reactions, or gestures for the characters can help the audience connect more deeply with them.

4. Pacing: The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are a few moments where it could be tightened. For example, the repetition of "Run, Toto, run!" could be condensed to one instance to maintain the intensity of the chase.

Overall, while there are areas for improvement, the scene effectively advances the plot and creates tension. With some refinements, it could become even more engaging and impactful.
Suggestions - The dialogue could be improved to add more depth and emotion. For example, rather than just saying "I'm sorry. I didn't do it! Can I still have my dog?", Dorothy could express more desperation and sadness in her delivery.
- Consider adding more description to enhance the visuals and create a more immersive experience for the audience. For example, instead of just saying "Witch and Dorothy," you could describe their facial expressions or body language.
- To improve the pacing, you could consider breaking down the longer sentences into shorter, punchier lines. This will make the scene feel more dynamic.
- Think about adding some subtext and conflict to the scene. This could be achieved through small gestures or reactions from the characters that hint at deeper tensions or hidden agendas.
- Consider using more sensory details in the scene to engage the audience's senses and make the scene more vivid. For example, you could describe the sound of Toto's barking or the smell of the Haunted Forest.
- Finally, think about the overall purpose of the scene and how it fits into the larger story. Can any important plot points or character development be added or heightened in this scene?



Scene 33 -  The Lion's Courage
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
LION
...I -- I -- I hope my strength holds out.

TIN MAN
I hope your tail holds out. Oh --

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

CU - The Hour Glass - more sand in the bottom -

MCS - In. Tower Room - Dorothy watching the hour glass - CAMERA PANS with
her as she runs to the door, tries it - then runs to another door - finds
that locked, also - CAMERA TRUCKS forward slightly as she sobs, then turns
and comes slowly forward as the CAMERA PULLS back to left with her - she
begins to sing - CAMERA PANS her right as she sits, sobbing, by the
crystal of the Witch -
DOROTHY
(sings)
Someday, I'll wake and rub my eyes
And in that land beyond the skies
You'll find me ----

CU -- Toto makes his way over the top of the rocks and exits out to right
-- The Lion's head appears, followed by that of the Tin Man and Scarecrow
-- they look o.s. to f.g. -- Lion points, speaks --

LION
What's that? What's that?

MCU -- Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow peering over the rocks, they speak --
Lion reacts as he watches down o.s. to f.g. --

SCARECROW o.s.
That's the castle of the Wicked Witch!
Dorothy's in that awful place!

TIN MAN
Oh, I hate to think of her in there. We've
got to get her out.
(cries)

SCARECROW
Don't cry now. We haven't got the oil-can
with us and you've been squeaking enough as
it is.

LION
Who's them? Who's them?

ELS -- The Witch's Winkies marching about in the Castle Courtyard --

MCU -- Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow peering over the rocks -- they speak --
the Lion tries to turn back, but others grab him, push him forward --

SCARECROW
I've got a plan how to get in there.

LION
Fine. He's got a plan

SCARECROW
And you're going to lead us.

LION
Yeah. Me?

SCARECROW
Yes, you.

LION
I -- I -- I -- I -- gotta get her outta
there?

SCARECROW
That's right.
LION
All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy --
Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch -- guards
or no guards -- I'll tear 'em apart.
(growls)
I may not come out alive, but I'm going in
there. There's only one thing I want you
fellows to do.

SCARECROW AND TIN MAN
What's that?

LION
Talk me out of it.

TIN MAN
No, you don't.

SCARECROW
Oh, no!

LION
No? Now, wait a minute.

TIN MAN
You don't neither --

SCARECROW
Up!

LION
Now...

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

CU -- Hour glass --

CS -- Int. Tower Room -- Dorothy sobbing against the Witch's throne -- she
cries out -- CAMERA PULLS back to right to enter the crystal -- Auntie
Em's image appears as she calls for Dorothy -- Dorothy reacts, looks into
the crystal -- Auntie Em fades out and the Witch fades in -- she mocks
Dorothy -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward to CU of Witch, then UP TO LEFT to
Dorothy as she draws away from the crystal -- sobs --

DOROTHY
I'm frightened, I'm frightened, Auntie Em
-- I'm frightened!

AUNTIE EM
Dorothy -- Dorothy -- where are you? It's
me -- it's Auntie Em. We're trying to find
you. Where are you?

DOROTHY
I -- I'm here in Oz, Auntie Em. I'm locked
up in the Witch's castle....and I'm trying
to get home to you, Auntie Em! Oh, Auntie
Em, don't go away! I'm frightened! Come
back! Come back!

WITCH
Auntie Em -- Auntie Em -- come back! I'll
give you Auntie Em, my pretty!
(laughs)
LAP DISSOLVE TO:

MS -- Lion, Scarecrow and Tin Man and Lion moving along among the rocks --
they stop -- CAMERA STARTS forward --

CU -- Toto barks --

MCS -- Scarecrow quiets Toto -- then CAMERA PANS up over the Scarecrow,
Lion and Tin Man as three Winkie Guards appear over the rocks in b.g. --
CAMERA BOOMS back as they start forward toward the three, who are
whispering together --

SCARECROW
Sssh -- Toto -- be quiet -- (etc.)
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary The Lion admits his lack of courage and is invited to join Dorothy and her group on their journey. Meanwhile, Dorothy is held captive by the Wicked Witch and threatened with her life. The Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man try to find Dorothy and come up with a plan to rescue her.
Strengths "The scene effectively shows the Lion's character arc and development of courage as well as raises the stakes with Dorothy's life being threatened."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from stronger dialogue and more exploration of the Witch's motivations."
Critique This scene is effective in building tension and creating suspense as Dorothy is trapped in the Witch's castle. The use of camera movements such as pans and pulls help to visually enhance the emotions and actions of the characters. The dialogue between the characters, particularly the Lion, adds depth to their motivations and creates anticipation for their next actions.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more visual descriptions to enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and the characters' physical movements. Additionally, providing more specific details about the characters' emotions and reactions could further engage the audience. Overall, this scene effectively sets up the conflict and raises the stakes for the characters, but can benefit from more vivid and detailed descriptions.
Suggestions 1. Clarify the action in the scene: It's not entirely clear what Dorothy is doing in the tower room or why she is locked up. Provide some context or explanation to help the audience understand her situation.

2. Strengthen the emotional impact: Dorothy is singing a sad song, but the emotions could be heightened by adding more specific lyrics that reflect her current predicament and desire to escape.

3. Characterize the three main characters: The Lion, Tin Man, and Scarecrow seem to have a comedic dynamic, but it would be helpful to further distinguish their personalities. Give them distinct dialogue that reflects their individual traits, creating a stronger contrast between them.

4. Develop the plan to rescue Dorothy: The Scarecrow mentions having a plan to get into the castle, but it's not clear what that plan is. Elaborate on the plan and how it will be executed, building suspense and anticipation for the audience.

5. Increase tension and stakes: The Lion hesitates to go into the castle and expresses fear, but it could be more effective to show his internal conflict. Explore his motivation for wanting to rescue Dorothy despite his fears, and raise the stakes for him by highlighting the potential dangers he may face.

6. Improve transitions: The lap dissolves are used for time transitions, but they can be confusing. Use clearer transitions or visual cues to indicate the passage of time or change in location.

7. Polish the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels repetitive and could be tightened up. Eliminate unnecessary repetition and ensure that each line of dialogue contributes to character development or advances the plot.

8. Enhance the visual storytelling: Provide more visual descriptions and imagery to engage the reader and help visualize the scene. Be specific in camera movements and angles to create a more dynamic visual experience.

9. Create a stronger cliffhanger: The scene ends with Dorothy sobbing, but consider adding a final suspenseful or shocking moment to leave the audience eagerly anticipating the next scene.

10. Consider pacing: Since this is scene 33 out of 43, evaluate the overall pacing of the script. Ensure that the story is progressing at an appropriate pace and that each scene serves a clear purpose in advancing the plot.



Scene 34 -  Rescue in the Tower
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
MCS -- Scarecrow, Lion and Tin Man whispering together -- the Lion looks
around, sees the Winkies in back of them -- CAMERA BOOMS back as the Lion
tries to speak -- but is speechless with fright -- the Guards jump
forward, seize the three and they disappear behind the rocks -- legs and
arms seen as they fight --

CU -- Hour Glass --

MLS- Int. Tower Room -- Dorothy trying to open one of the doors -- CAMERA
TRUCKS forward --

MCS -- Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion enter up from behind the rocks -- all
are dressed in Winkie Guard uniforms - they speak -

SCARECROW
Whew! That wasn't my plan - but something
happened, didn't it?

TIN MAN
You put up a great fight, Lion.

SCARECROW
Yeah --

TIN MAN
I don't know what we'd have done without
you.

LION
Hah. I - I must have bitten you a couple of
times.

MLS -- Winkie Guards marching about in the Castle courtyard --

MCS -- Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow watching from the rocks -- they speak --
come forward behind the rocks as the CAMERA TRUCKS back with them --

SCARECROW
Come on -- I've got another idea.

LION
Do -- do you think it'll be polite --
dropping in like this?

TIN MAN
Come on -- come on.

LS -- The Winkies marching into the castle -- the Tin Man, Lion and
Scarecrow join the end of the line, the Lion in the rear -- as they march
toward the castle, the Lion has trouble keeping his tail under the uniform
-- CAMERA TRUCKS forward as they enter the castle, Toto following -- the
drawbridge is pulled up --

LS - Int. Entrance Hall of Castle - camera shooting down from high set-up
as the Winkies march into the hall - CAMERA BOOMS down on the file to
Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Lion, who are at the end of the file

CU - Hour Glass -

MCS - Int. Tower Room - Dorothy seated on steps near the crystal - she
sobs -

Int. Hallway -- LS -- The Lion, Scarecrow and Tin Man duck back into a
recess in the wall -- the rest of the Winkies continue on to exit --

TIN MAN
Where do we go now?

LION
Yeah.

CS -- Toto barking on steps -- he turns, starts up them

CS -- Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow -- Scarecrow points o.s., speaks -- he
exits --

SCARECROW
There!

LS -- Toto runs up the stairs from the hall as the Lion, Scarecrow and Tin
Man run forward from b.g. and start up the stairs after Toto --

Upper Hallway -- LS -- Toto runs in from left -- CAMERA PANS right
slightly as he runs to door and starts to scratch at it -- the three
rescuers enter -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward as they speak --

SCARECROW
Wait! We'd better make sure. Dorothy, are
you in there?

MS -- Int. Tower Room -- Dorothy standing by window -- she reacts to
hearing Lion o.s. -- CAMERA PANS, TRUCKS with her as she runs to the door
-- yells --

LION o.s.
It's us!

DOROTHY
Yes, it's me! She's locked me in!

MCS - Dorothy at door - she speaks to the others o.s. -

DOROTHY
Oh, I knew you'd get here in time!

MCS -- Int. Hallway -- The Lion speaks to Scarecrow and Tin Man as they
move excitedly about --

LION
Listen, fellows. It's her. We gotta get
her out! Open this door!
CS - Int. Tower Room - Dorothy standing by door - she reacts as she hears
the three outside the door -

LION o.s.
Open the door! Open....

MCS - The three outside the door push about madly - then stop their
efforts at the door as the Scarecrow and Tie Man bawl out the Lion - he
pouts -

LION
...the door! Open the door! Open the door!
Open the door! Open the door!

TIN MAN
Don't push!

SCARECROW
Stop pushing!

LION
Oh - I was only trying to help. Ohhh!

CS -- Int. Tower Room -- Dorothy at door -- she pleads to the three on the
outside -- looks o.s. to hour glass --

DOROTHY
Oh, hurry -- please hurry!

CU -- Hour Glass -- very little sand left in the top --

DOROTHY o.s.
The hour glass is almost emp-....

CS -- Dorothy at door -- She speaks to those on other side --

DOROTHY
...ty!

TIN MAN o.s.
Stand back!

MS - Int. Hallway - The Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow remove their Winkie
outfits - Tin Man starts to chop in the door -

CS -- Int. Room -- Dorothy steps back from the door as it is chopped in --
CAMERA PANS right --

MS -- Int. Hallway -- The Tin Man chopping the door down

MCS -- Int. Room -- Dorothy anxiously watching -- she looks at the hour
glass o.s. --

CU -- Hour glass -- not much sand remaining --

MCS -- Dorothy reacts --

MLS - Int. Hallway - Scarecrow and Lion in f.g. watch as the Tin Man
breaks the door in -

MCS -- Int. Room -- Dorothy reacts, rushes to left -- CAMERA PANS --
MLS -- Int. Hallway -- Dorothy rushes out the door of room -- greets the
Tin Man, Lion, Scarecrow and Toto -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward -- they rush
out to left -- PAN left --

DOROTHY
Oh -- Oh -- Oh! Toto -- Toto!
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary Dorothy is held captive by the Wicked Witch of the West and threatened with her life. The Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man try to find Dorothy and come up with a plan to rescue her.
Strengths "The tension and stakes are high in this scene, and it moves the story forward by setting up the rescue plotline. The emotional impact is also strong, as Dorothy is threatened with her life and the characters are desperate to save her."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be stronger and more dynamic, and some character development could be explored further."
Critique Overall, the scene is well written and effectively conveys the action and emotions of the characters. However, there are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Clarify the spatial relationships: At times, it's unclear where the characters are in relation to each other and their surroundings. For example, in the MCS shot of the Scarecrow, Lion, and Tin Man fighting behind the rocks, it would be helpful to describe their positions more specifically. Are they close together or spread out? This will help the reader visualize the scene better.

2. Add more description of character emotions and reactions: While some emotions and reactions are described, there could be more detail to fully convey the characters' fear, relief, or urgency. This will help the actors and director understand the intended tone of the scene.

3. Vary sentence structure: Most of the sentences in the scene are short and to the point. Adding variation in sentence length and structure will make the scene more engaging to read. Consider combining shorter sentences or adding more descriptive language to enhance the descriptions.

4. Consider adding more visual details: Although the scene is clear in terms of the action, there could be more visual details to enhance the reader's understanding and immersion in the setting. For example, describing the appearance of the Winkies or the castle itself would help set the scene and add visual interest.

Overall, the scene effectively advances the plot and builds tension. With some minor adjustments to the above areas, it can be further improved to provide a more immersive and engaging reading experience.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the action: Add more specific action descriptions to make it clear what exactly is happening in each shot. For example, instead of "the Guards jump forward, seize the three and they disappear behind the rocks," you could add more details about how the Guards capture them.

2. Use more dynamic camera angles: Experiment with different camera angles and movements to make the scene more visually interesting. This could include overhead shots, tracking shots, or close-ups to show character reactions.

3. Enhance character interactions: Add more distinct dialogue for each character to bring out their personalities. For example, instead of just saying "Yeah" or "Hah," give the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion more specific lines that showcase their individual traits and voices.

4. Create tension and stakes: Raise the stakes and increase the tension in the scene. Maybe the characters have a time limit or a sense of urgency to achieve their goal. This could be shown through dialogue or through the use of the hourglass as a visual cue.

5. Pay attention to pacing: Consider the pacing of the scene and make sure it flows smoothly. Trim unnecessary dialogue or action to keep the scene engaging and fast-paced.

6. Show the characters' emotions: Show the emotions and reactions of the characters more explicitly. Describe their facial expressions, body language, or gestures to give a deeper insight into their feelings.

7. Add visual details: Add more visual details to create a richer world. For example, describe the Winkie Guards' appearance or the environment they are in. This will help create a more immersive and vivid scene.

These suggestions should help improve the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 35 -  Escape from the Wicked Witch
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
LION
Did they hurtcha?

DOROTHY
Lion, darling -- I knew you'd come!

TIN MAN
Dorothy!

DOROTHY
I knew you would!

SCARECROW
Hurry -- we've got no time to lose!

Int. Entrance Hall -- camera shooting up from side of stairs -- LS --
Dorothy, Lion, Tin Man, and Scarecrow enter at top of stairs -- CAMERA
PANS with them as they run down the stairs -- they rush toward the
entrance, but the huge doors swing shut in front of them --

MS -- The Four hammer at the door -- then react, turn and look up to right
f.g. as the Witch speaks o.s. -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward --

DOROTHY
Oh!

WITCH o.s.
Going so soon? I wouldn't....

CS -- Witch and Nikko looking down from the top of stairs --

WITCH
...hear of it. Why, my little par-....

MCS -- Scarecrow, Tin Man, Dorothy and the Lion by the door --

WITCH o.s.
...ty's just beginning!

MLS -- Witch and Nikko at top of stairs -- she laughs -- CAMERA PANS down
to reveal the Winkies rushing into the entrance hall --

MCS -- Scarecrow, Tin Man, Dorothy and Lion huddled by door -- the Lion
speaks --

LION
Trapped! Trapped like mice -- er -- rats!

MLS - The Winkies advancing -

MCS - The Four huddled by door - Tin Man speaks to Lion, who tries to
roar -

TIN MAN
Go ahead - do something! Roar! Roar!

MCS - The Winkie Guards advance with a menacing roar -
MCS - The Four huddled against door - the Lion reacts, speaks -

LION
What good'll it do us?

ELS -- Shooting down from the top of the hall, past the Witch on landing
in f.g. to the Winkies advancing to the four huddled against the door --
the Winkies roar --

CS -- Witch and Nikko looking down from the top of stairs -- she yells
down to her Winkies --

WITCH
That's right. Don't hurt them right away.
We'll let....

MCU - Dorothy backed against the door - Toto in her arms - tears flowing
down her cheeks -

WITCH o.s.
...them think about it a little, first!

MS -- The Winkies growl as they shove out their spears

CU -- Toto in Dorothy's arms -- he growls at the Winkies o.s. --

CU -- Scarecrow looks up o.s. --

WITCH o.s.
How does it feel....

MS -- What the Scarecrow sees: CAMERA PANS up along the rope that holds
the huge candelabra up over the hall --

WITCH o.s.
...my little visitor?

CU -- Scarecrow looking about up o.s. -- CAMERA PANS, PULLS back as he
steps over to where the rope is fastened to the wall --

WITCH o.s.
Can you imagine what I'm going to do to you?

MCS -- The Witch picks up the hour glass -- hurls it down o.s. as she
laughs --

ELS -- Full shot of the entrance hall as the hour glass crashes to the
floor below -- bursts into a cloud of flame and smoke --

LION o.s.
Here we go, boys!

MCS- The Scarecrow seizes the Tin Man's axe and chops the candelabra rope
with it --

DOROTHY
Oh!

ELS -- High angle from above the candelabra as the huge chandelier crashes
down on the Winkies below --

DOROTHY
Oh!
CS -- The Witch screams down to her Winkies --

WITCH
Seize....

MLS -- Shooting past the Winkies in the f.g. as they struggle under the
candelabra to the Scarecrow, Lion, Tin Man and Dorothy as they run out of
hall -- CAMERA PANS left --

WITCH o.s.
...them! Stop them, you fools!

MLS -- The Witch rushes forward down the stairs -- yells at her Winkies --
CAMERA PANS her down the stairs, then she leads the Winkies out of the
hall --

WITCH
They've gotten away! Stop them! Stop them!

Int. Corridor -- as the Witch and Winkies pass out of shot, Dorothy and
her friends peer out from behind a recess, then run back into the hall as
they exit left

LS - The four rush back into the hall - CAMERA TRUCKS back to left - they
look about - the Scarecrow speaks -

SCARECROW
It's no use trying the doors again! Which
room is it?

MLS - The Winkies running back through the corridor -

MLS - Dorothy, Scarecrow, Lion, Tin Man react as they hear the Winkies
approaching - CAMERA PANS left as they start up the stairs -

LION
They're coming back!

DOROTHY
Ohhh!

SCARECROW
Oh - upstairs, quickly!

TIN MAN
Go on!

MLS -- The Witch comes running back into the hall -- her Winkies right
behind her -- she gives them orders -- the Guards separate --

WITCH
There they go! Ah -- now we've got them!
Half you go that way -- half you go that
way!

ELS -- camera shooting up to the Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow just
disappearing at the top of stairs --

WITCH o.s.
Hurry! Hurry! Go!
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy and her group are trapped in the haunted forest by the Wicked Witch of the West. They are confronted by the Witch, who threatens Dorothy's life and reveals that the ruby slippers cannot be taken off. Toto escapes, frustrating the Witch. Dorothy is held captive while the Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man try to find her. The scene ends with the Tin Man slipping off a ledge and hanging onto the Lion's tail. The group reunites and tries to come up with a plan to rescue Dorothy.
Strengths "Intense and suspenseful, moves the story forward, high stakes"
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger, character changes could be more pronounced"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and urgency of the characters' situation. The dialogue is concise and moves the scene forward, while the action and camera movements are described clearly.

One suggestion for improvement would be to add more specific and vivid descriptions to enhance the visuals and engage the reader's imagination. For example, instead of simply stating "they rush toward the entrance," you could describe how their footsteps echo on the marble floor or how the doors loom ominously before them. Adding sensory details like sounds, colors, and textures can make the scene more immersive for the reader.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more character development and emotional depth. While the dialogue serves its purpose in advancing the plot, you could explore the characters' feelings and motivations further. For example, why is Dorothy so relieved to see Lion? How does Lion feel about being trapped and helpless? Adding more depth to the characters' emotions can make the scene more compelling and resonate with the audience.

Overall, this scene is well-structured and effectively conveys the urgency and peril the characters face. With some added sensory details and deeper exploration of the characters' emotions, it could become even more engaging and impactful.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more description: The scene lacks visual details that can help the reader visualize the action. Describe the characters' appearances, their movements, their emotions, and the setting in more detail to engage the reader.

2. Use dialogue tags: To make it clear who is speaking, add dialogue tags after each character's line of dialogue. This will help the reader follow the conversation more easily.

3. Vary sentence structure: The scene is mostly composed of short, simple sentences. To enhance the flow and rhythm of the dialogue, try incorporating longer, more complex sentences.

4. Show character reactions: Instead of simply saying "they react," show how each character reacts to the witch's words. Describe their facial expressions, body language, and emotions to make the scene more dynamic.

5. Pace the action: Build suspense as the characters become trapped and the Winkies approach. Consider adding action beats, such as characters looking around anxiously or the camera zooming in on specific details like the closing doors or the advancing Winkies.

6. Incorporate visual cues: Use visual language to direct the camera and enhance the visual storytelling. For example, instead of just saying "CS - Witch and Nikko looking down from the top of the stairs," describe the camera angle, such as "CS - Witch and Nikko peer menacingly down from the top of the stairs, their eyes gleaming."

7. Create a clearer sense of space: As the characters move through the environment, provide more details about the layout of the entrance hall, corridor, and stairs. Give the audience a better understanding of where the characters are in relation to each other and where they need to go.

Remember to always think about how the scene will be visually represented on screen and consider the pacing, tension, and character development in your revisions.



Scene 36 -  The Witch's Defeat
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
MLS - The Witch hits her Guards with her broomstick in an effort to speed
them up - CAMERA PANS left slightly as they rush up the stairs -
WITCH
Go! Go! (etc.)

ELS -- Ext. Battlements -- Scarecrow, Dorothy, Lion and Tin Man run down
the steps from the tower in the b.g. -- they run along the battlement to
exit left --

LS -- The Foursome running forward along battlement -- they stop -- yell --
then CAMERA BOOMS right with them as they run along toward second tower --
they stop, Dorothy screams --

LION
Where -- where do we go now?

SCARECROW
This way! Come on!

ELS -- A Group of Winkies coming out of the tower at the head of steps in
b.g. -- they roar menacingly --

LS -- Scarecrow, Tin Man, Lion and Dorothy run along battlement to left as
CAMERA BOOMS with them --

LS -- The other group of Winkies appears in the other tower -- they mumble
-- charge forward --

LS -- One Group of Winkies charges down the steps in the f.g. as we see
the other group come forward along the battlement in b.g. -- CAMERA BOOMS
to left --

LS -- In. Hall -- Scarecrow, Dorothy, Tin Man and the Lion rush down the
hall to b.g. -- are confronted by Winkies -- Dorothy screams -- more
Winkies rush in from left f.g., trapping the four --

MCS -- The Four -- they react as they look o.s. to f.g. -- Dorothy screams
-- they turn, run back --

LS -- In. Tower -- The Four run to left as Winkies pour in from right --
to other Winkies enter from left -- Dorothy screams as they are captured --
CAMERA PANS right as they back up against the table in f.g. -- Winkies
surround them --

MLS -- The Witch enters in b.g. -- comes forward to her Winkies in f.g. --
CAMERA PULLS back as she comes up to Scarecrow, Dorothy and the Tin Man --
she speaks to them --

WITCH
Well -- ring around the rosy -- a pocket
full of spears! Thought you'd be pretty
foxy, didn't you? Well, I'm going to start
in on you right here - one after the other!

CS -- Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow -- Lion hiding behind the Tin Man --
all tremble with fear --

WITCH o.s.
And the last to go will see the first three
go before her! And your mangy little dog,
too!

MCU -- Witch smiles as she looks up o.s. -- CAMERA PANS up as she holds
her broom up to the torch on wall --

CS -- The Four react with fear --
MCU -- The broomstick catches fire -- CAMERA PANS down to the Witch as she
lowers it -- speaks --

WITCH
How about a little fire, Scarecrow?

CS -- Lion, Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow -- all react as the broom is
thrust into the scene and catches the Scarecrow's arm on fire -- he
shouts, Dorothy screams -- Dorothy picks up a bucket as the CAMERA PULLS
back, throws the water on Scarecrow --

SCARECROW
No -- No -- No -- No!

DOROTHY
Ohh! OHH! OHH!

SCARECROW
Help! I'm burning! I'm burning! I'm
burning! Help! Help! Help!

MS -- Dorothy throwing water at Scarecrow -- some of it hits the Witch in
the face -- Tin Man standing at left with the Lion --

SCARECROW
Help!

MCU -- The water hits the Witch in the face --

MS -- The Witch screams as the water hits her -- Tin Man, Lion, Dorothy
and Scarecrow look at her --

MLS -- The Lion, Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow watch the Witch as she
screams and melts away -- camera shooting past Winkies in the f.g. -- the
Witch curses as she disappears, finally only her cloak and hat remain on
the floor -- her voice fades away --

WITCH
Ohhh -- you cursed brat! Look what you've
done! I'm melting! Melting! Oh -- what a
world -- what a world! Who would have
thought a good little girl like you could
destroy my beautiful wickedness!? Ohhh!
Look out! Look out! I'm going. Ohhhh!
Ohhhhhh....

CS -- Lion, Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow looking down o.s. amazed --

CS -- Shooting down to the Witch's cloak and hat smoldering on the floor --
Toto enters from left and sniffs at them -- CAMERA PULLS back slightly as
Nikko enters, growls --

CS -- Leader of Winkies speaks to the Four o.s. in f.g. -- other Winkies
in b.g. --

LEADER
She's....she's....dead! You've killed her!

CS -- Lion, Tin Man, Dorothy and Scarecrow react -- Dorothy speaks, points
to the Scarecrow --
DOROTHY
I -- I didn't mean to kill her....really I
didn't! It's...it's just that he was on
fire!

MLS -- The Four standing in front of the Winkies -- the Leader turns to
the others and speaks -- the Winkies kneel as they hail Dorothy --

LEADER
Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!

WINKIES
Hail! Hail to Dorothy -- The Wicked Witch
is dead!

CS - Dorothy, with Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow in back of her - she
speaks -

DOROTHY
You mean, you're...you're all happy about
it?

CS - The Leader raises up his head - speaks to Dorothy o.s. in f.g. -
other Winkies in back of him -

LEADER
Very happy - now she won't be able to hit
us with a broom....

CS - Dorothy, with Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow in back of her - Dorothy
turns to the Tin Man -

LEADER o.s.
...anymore!

DOROTHY
The broom!
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy and her group are trapped by the Wicked Witch of the West. The Witch threatens Dorothy's life and reveals that the ruby slippers cannot be taken off. Toto escapes, frustrating the Witch. The Witch reveals her plan to end Dorothy's life using an hourglass. The Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man try to find Dorothy and come up with a plan to rescue her. The scene ends with the Tin Man slipping off a ledge and hanging onto the Lion's tail.
Strengths "High stakes and tension, fast pace, visual effects"
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger, character development"
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of creating tension and action. The camera directions are clear and help visualize the scene. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon:

1. The dialogue could be strengthened. It feels a bit generic and lacks depth. Consider adding more specific and impactful lines to enhance the dramatic tension.

2. The action could be made more dynamic. While the scene has a lot of movement, some of it feels repetitive. Try to vary the actions and reactions of the characters to keep the audience engaged.

3. There could be more emotional depth. The characters' reactions to the events could be further explored to add more depth and complexity to the scene. This will help the audience connect with the characters on a deeper level.

Overall, this scene has a lot of potential but could benefit from some development in terms of dialogue, action, and emotional depth.
Suggestions - Consider breaking up the scene into shorter, more concise paragraphs to make it easier to read and follow the action.
- Provide more specific descriptions of the characters' emotions and reactions throughout the scene to enhance the performances of the actors.
- Use more active and vivid language to create a more engaging visual experience for the reader.
- Add more specific details about the setting and surroundings to provide a clear visual image for the reader.
- Consider adding dialogue or inner thoughts for the characters to add depth and complexity to their emotions and motivations.
- Remove any redundant or unnecessary information and focus on the most important actions and dialogue in the scene.



Scene 37 -  Celebration and Anticipation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 10
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
MLS -- The Leader gives the broom to Dorothy as the Scarecrow, Lion and
Tin Man react with joy -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward as Dorothy speaks to them
-- the Winkies speak -- they sing - Dorothy and her friends dance about,
then exit out to b.g. -

DOROTHY
May we have it?

LEADER
Please! And take it with you!

DOROTHY
Oh -- thank you so much! Now we can go
back to the Wizard and tell him the Wicked
Witch is dead!

LEADER
The Wicked Witch is dead!
ALL
The Wicked Witch is dead! The Wicked Witch
is dead!
Hail - Hail - the Witch is dead.
Which old Witch? - the Wicked Witch.
Hail - Hail - the Wicked Witch is dead.
Hail - Hail - the Witch is dead
Which old Witch? - the Wicked Witch....

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

ELS - In Emerald City - Streets are thronged with people - the procession
enters from b.g., led by a band -

ALL
(sing)
Hail - hail - the Wicked Witch is dead!

MLS - The Band marching along the crowded streets - they turn, exit out to
left f.g. -

ALL
(sing)
Ding Dong! The Witch is dead.
Which old Witch?
The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead!

ELS - The Procession comes forward through the crowded streets -
surrounded by flower girls are Dorothy, the Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow -
the Scarecrow is carrying the Witch's broomstick -

ALL
(sing)
Wake up, you sleepy head
Rub your eyes
Get out of bed
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead!

MS - CAMERA TRUCKS back with the Tin Man, Lion, Dorothy and the Scarecrow
as they come forward through the singing crowds - they wave, smile, etc. -

ALL
(sing)
She's gone where the Goblins go
Below -- below -- below!
Yo ho, let's open....

LS - The Procession passes girls lined up in front of the palace - the
four pass along in front of them at left - all wave greetings -

ALL
(sing)
...up and sing
And ring the bells out.
Ding Dong! The merry-oh
Sing it high
Sing it....

ELS - Full shot of the area in front of Palace - the Procession files
around in it to the right -
ALL
(sing)
...low.
Let them know
The Wicked Witch is dead!
Ding Dong! The Witch is dead.
Which old....

ELS - CAMERA BOOMS back to left with the Procession as it comes forward -

ALL
(sing)
...witch?
The Wicked Witch
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead!

ELS - CAMERA PANS right with the Procession as it marches toward the
palace - CAMERA BOOMS around to one of the huge crystals as the Tin Man,
Dorothy, Scarecrow and Lion enter through the palace gates -

ALL
(sing)
Wake up, you sleepy head.
Rub your eyes -
Get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead.
She's gone where the Goblins go -
Below - below - below.
No ho, let's open up and sing
And ring the bells out.
Ding Dong! The merry-oh
Sing it high --

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

Int. Throne room -- LS -- Throne -- Oz's voice booms out as the CAMERA
PULLS back to reveal the Scarecrow, Dorothy, Lion and Tin Man standing in
front of it --

OZ'S VOICE
Can I believe my eyes? Why....

MLS -- The Four trembling with fear -- CAMERA PULLS back as Dorothy comes
forward with the broomstick and places it on the steps to throne -- she
speaks --

OZ'S VOICE
...have you come back?

DOROTHY
Please, sir. We've done what you told us.
We've brought you the broomstick of the
Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.

OZ'S VOICE
Oh ....

MLS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
...you liquidated her, eh? Very....

MS -- Dorothy smiling, with the Tin Man, Lion and the Scarecrow in back of
her also looking pleased -- she speaks -- they react as Oz speaks --
OZ'S VOICE
...resourceful!

DOROTHY
Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your
promise to us, if you please, sir.

OZ'S VOICE
Not so fast! Not....

MLS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
...so fast! I'll have to give the matter a
little thought. Go away and come back
tomorrow!

MS -- Dorothy, with her three friends behind her -- she reacts, speaks --
the Tin Man and the Lion put in a word for her --
Genres: ["Adventure","Fantasy","Musical"]

Summary Dorothy and her group celebrate the death of the Wicked Witch and make their way to meet the Wizard.
Strengths
  • Upbeat and celebratory tone
  • Movement towards the resolution of the main plot
  • Character development for Dorothy and her friends
Weaknesses
  • Lack of strong conflict or tension
  • Some dialogue feels repetitive
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-written and effectively conveys the excitement and joy of the characters. The dialogue flows naturally and the actions are clear. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

1. Dialog tags: It would be helpful to include more descriptive and specific dialogue tags to indicate who is speaking each line. For example, instead of just "DOROTHY" or "LEADER", you could use "DOROTHY (excitedly)" or "LEADER (grateful)". This will add more visual and emotional depth to the scene.

2. Visual descriptions: While the scene is mainly focused on the singing and dancing, it could benefit from some more visual descriptions to enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters' reactions. For example, describing the expressions or movements of the character as they sing or dance can add more depth to the scene.

3. Clarity of actions: Some of the actions in the scene are not explicitly described. For example, it's unclear how the characters dance about before exiting out. Adding more specific descriptions of their movements and the dynamics of the dancing can help the reader envision the scene more clearly.

4. Transition: The transition from the Winkies speaking and singing to the procession in Emerald City is jarring. Consider adding a smoother transition or description, such as a fade or dissolve, to indicate the change in location.

5. Establishing shots: In some parts of the scene, it would be helpful to include establishing shots to give the reader a clearer sense of the overall setting or location. For example, before the band marches along the streets, describing a shot of the crowded streets or the Emerald City can help set the scene.

Overall, the scene is engaging and effectively conveys the joy and excitement of the characters. With some additional descriptive details and clarity in action, it can be further enhanced.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more specific action and blocking: Instead of just saying "the Winkies speak," describe their reactions or gestures. Provide more detailed actions for Dorothy and her friends as they dance and exit. This will make the scene more visually engaging.

2. Develop the dialogue: The dialogue could be more dynamic and expressive. Consider adding more emotion or personalization to the lines. For example, instead of just saying "Oh -- thank you so much!," Dorothy could say something like "Oh, thank you from the bottom of my heart! We couldn't have done it without you!"

3. Expand the singing sequence: Instead of just providing brief snippets of the song lyrics, consider writing out the full lyrics of the song and capturing the energy and excitement of the characters as they sing. This will make the song sequence more immersive for the audience.

4. Vary camera shots and angles: To enhance the visual storytelling, try incorporating different camera shots and angles to capture the procession, the crowds, and the characters. This will add visual interest and help emphasize key moments in the scene.

5. Add more reactions and interactions: Show more reactions and interactions between the characters and the crowd. This will help create a sense of camaraderie and celebration among the characters and the people of Emerald City.

6. Add more tension and conflict: To make the scene more compelling, consider introducing some conflict or suspense. For example, you could have the Leader hesitate before giving Dorothy the broomstick, or have Dorothy and her friends face some opposition from the Winkies before they celebrate.

By implementing these suggestions, you can make the scene more engaging, visually dynamic, and emotionally resonant for the audience.



Scene 38 -  The Great and Powerful Oz
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
DOROTHY
Tomorrow? Oh, but I want to go home now.

TIN MAN
You've had plenty of time already!

LION
Yeah!

MLS -- Throne --

OZ'S VOICE
Do not arouse the wrath....

MCU -- Toto at Dorothy's feet -- CAMERA PANS right with him as he runs to
a curtain that hangs near the throne steps --

OZ'S VOICE
...of the Great and Powerful Oz! I said --
come back tomorrow!

MS -- The Four -- Dorothy speaks as she looks o.s. to right f.g. -- CAMERA
PULLS back to right to enter the curtain where Toto ran in the b.g. -- it
shakes as Toto starts to pull it back --

DOROTHY
If you were really great and powerful,
you'd keep your promises!

OZ'S VOICE
Do you presume to criticize the....

MLS -- Toto pulls back the curtain to reveal the Wizard at the controls of
the throne apparatus -- his back to the camera

OZ'S VOICE
...Great Oz? You ungrateful creatures!

MLS -- The Four react with fear -- Scarecrow looks o.s. to right -- points
for Dorothy --

OZ'S VOICE
Think yourselves lucky that I'm....
LS -- Shooting past the Four at left to the Wizard at the controls of the
throne apparatus -- the Four react as they see him after Dorothy calls
their attention to him --

OZ'S VOICE
...giving you audience tomorrow, instead
of....

MS -- The Wizard at the controls -- his back to camera -- he speaks into
the microphone -- he turns, looks o.s. to f.g. and sees that the curtain
is gone -- reacts and turns back to the controls --

OZ'S VOICE
...twenty years from now. Oh -- oh oh!
The Great Oz has spoken! Oh -- Oh ---....

LS -- Shooting past the Four at left to the Wizard as he pulls back the
curtain --

OZ'S VOICE
... Oh .... Oh ....

MS - The Wizard peers out from behind the curtain -

MS - Tin Man, Lion, Dorothy and Scarecrow react as they look at the Wizard
o.s. to right - Dorothy speaks

DOROTHY
Who are you?

MCU - The Wizard peering out from curtain - he ducks back out of sight and
his voice booms out again -

OZ'S VOICE
Oh - I - Pay no....

LS -- Shooting past the Four at left to the Curtain in b.g. -- Dorothy
goes over to it and starts to pull it aside --

OZ'S VOICE
...attention to that man behind the curtain.
Go - before I lose my temper! The Great and
Powerful ---....

MCS -- Dorothy pulls back the curtain to reveal the Wizard at the controls
-- he reacts as he sees Dorothy -- Dorothy questions him -- the Wizard
starts to speak into the microphone -- then turns weakly back to Dorothy --
CAMERA PULLS back slightly as the Lion, Scarecrow and Tin Man enter and
stand behind Dorothy --

OZ'S VOICE
... -- Oz -- has spoken!

DOROTHY
Who are you?

OZ'S VOICE
Well, I -- I -- I am the Great and Powerful
-- Wizard of Oz.

DOROTHY
You are?
WIZARD
Uhhhh -- yes...

DOROTHY
I don't believe you!

WIZARD
No, I'm afraid it's true. There's no other
Wizard except me.

MCS -- Dorothy and her three friends react -- Camera shooting past the
Wizard at left -- the Scarecrow and Lion speak angrily --

SCARECROW
You humbug!

LION
Yeah!

CS -- Wizard -- shooting past Dorothy, the Lion and Scarecrow -- the
Wizard speaks --

WIZARD
Yes-s-s -- that...that's exactly so. I'm
a humbug!

DOROTHY
Oh ....

MCU -- Dorothy -- Tin Man and Scarecrow behind her --

DOROTHY
...you're a very bad man!

MCU -- The Wizard reacts, speaks humbly --

WIZARD
Oh, no, my dear -- I'm -- I'm a very good
man. I'm just a very bad Wizard.

MCU - Scarecrow and Dorothy - Scarecrow threatens the Wizard o.s. -

SCARECROW
You'd better be good enough to send Dorothy
back to Kansas!

CS - Wizard - shooting past Lion, Dorothy and Scarecrow in f.g. -

WIZARD
Uh - now, please don't be angry with me.
I'll - I'll do anything you say, only...
only if you don't shout at me. It makes me
nervous!

SCARECROW
It makes you nervous?

WIZARD
Yes.

MCS -- Tin Man, Scarecrow, Dorothy and Lion -- shooting past the Wizard in
left f.g.
SCARECROW
What about us?

WIZARD
Well, I --

SCARECROW
What about the heart that you promised Tin
Man --?
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy and her group finally come face to face with the Wizard of Oz, who is initially dismissive and tries to send them away. Dorothy questions his identity, leading the Wizard to reluctantly reveal himself. The group confronts the Wizard about his promises and demands him to send Dorothy back to Kansas.
Strengths "Tense confrontation between the group and the Wizard, development of character dynamics"
Weaknesses "Dialogue could have been stronger, theme could have been more impactful"
Critique Overall, this scene effectively moves the story forward and reveals important information about the Wizard of Oz. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

1. Dialogue: The dialogue in this scene feels a bit repetitive and could benefit from more variety and depth. The characters mainly repeat each other's lines, such as when both Tin Man and Lion agree that Dorothy has had enough time. Adding more unique lines for each character will help differentiate their voices and give them more depth.

2. Visual description: The scene lacks vivid and specific visual descriptions. Adding more details about the setting, characters' actions, and camera movements will help the reader visualize the scene better. For example, instead of just saying "Dorothy looks o.s. to right f.g.", you could describe what she sees or her facial expressions.

3. Pacing: The scene could benefit from tighter pacing to increase tension and keep the reader engaged. Consider removing some repetitive lines and unnecessary camera movements to streamline the action.

4. Character development: The scene provides a great opportunity to further develop the characters and their relationships. Consider adding more moments of interaction and emotional depth between Dorothy and the other characters, as well as their reactions to discovering the Wizard's true identity. This will add more complexity to the scene and deepen the audience's investment in the characters.

Overall, this scene effectively conveys the Wizard's power and sets up further conflict, but it could benefit from stronger dialogue, improved visual description, tighter pacing, and deeper character development.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Provide more specific actions and reactions for the characters. For example, instead of just saying "DOROTHY speaks," you can add a specific gesture or expression to show her frustration, like "DOROTHY crosses her arms and furrows her brow."

2. Add more visual descriptions to set the scene and create a sense of atmosphere. For example, instead of just "MS - The Four react with fear," you can add details about their facial expressions and body language to show their fear, like "The Four gasp in fear, their eyes widening and their bodies tensing up."

3. Break up the dialogue into shorter, more engaging exchanges. This will make the scene more dynamic and keep the audience's attention. For example, instead of having one character speak a long paragraph, break it up into shorter lines, like "DOROTHY: If you were really great and powerful, you'd keep your promises! OZ'S VOICE: Do you presume to criticize the Great Oz? You ungrateful creatures!"

4. Use more active and descriptive language to make the scene more engaging. Instead of saying "Dorothy pulls back the curtain," you can say "Dorothy yanks the curtain aside, revealing the Wizard at the controls. He freezes, his eyes widening in surprise."

5. Consider adding more sensory details to engage the audience. For example, instead of just saying "OZ'S VOICE booms out again," you can describe the voice as "OZ'S VOICE booms out, rattling the walls and causing a chill to run down Dorothy's spine."

Overall, try to make the scene more visually engaging and emotionally impactful for the audience. Use specific actions, reactions, and visual descriptions to create a vivid and compelling image on the screen.



Scene 39 -  The Wizard Confrontation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
WIZARD
Well, I --

SCARECROW
-- And the courage that you promised
Cowardly Lion?

WIZARD
Well, I --

TIN MAN AND LION
And Scarecrow's brain?

CS - Wizard - shooting past Lion, Dorothy and Scarecrow in f.g. -

WIZARD
Well, I-- but you've got them. You've had
them all the...

MCS- Tin Man, Scarecrow, Dorothy and Lion - shooting past the Wizard in
left f.g. - the four react, speak together - the Scarecrow moves around to
the Wizard -

WIZARD
...time!

ALL TOGETHER
Oh, no we haven't!

TIN MAN
You don't get around us that easy!

LION
Not nohow!

WIZARD
Well --

SCARECROW
You promised us real things -- a real...

CS - Wizard - shooting past the Scarecrow at right - the Wizard reacts to
their demands - starts to speak -

SCARECROW
...brain!

TIN MAN o.s.
A real heart!

LION
Real courage. That's what we want.
WIZARD
You do? boys, you're aiming low. You not
only surprise, but you grieve me.

MS -- The Wizard speaks to Tin Man, Dorothy, Lion and the Scarecrow -- the
Wizard becomes eloquent -- steps closer to the Scarecrow --

WIZARD
Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a
very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous
creature that crawls on the earth -- or
slinks through slimy seas has a brain!

MCU -- Wizard -- shooting past the Scarecrow at right --

WIZARD
From the rock-bound coast of Maine to the
Sun.... oh - oh, no -- -- ah - Well, be
that as it may. Back where I come from we
have universities, seats of great learning
-- where men go to become great thinkers.
And when they come out, they think deep
thoughts -- and with no more brains than
you have.... But! They have one thing you
haven't got! A diploma!

MS -- The Wizard reaches back and obtains several diplomas -- selecting
one and presents it to the Scarecrow as Dorothy, Tin Man and the Lion look
on --

WIZARD
Therefore, by virtue of the authority
vested in me by the Universitatus
Committeeatum e plurbis unum, I hereby
confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.

SCARECROW
Th.D.?

MCU -- Wizard -- shooting past the Scarecrow at right --

WIZARD
Yeah -- that...that's Dr. of Thinkology!

CU -- The Scarecrow recites the Pythagoras Theorem -- reacts with joy --

SCARECROW
The sum of the square roots of any two
sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to
the square root of the remaining side. Oh
joy, rapture! I've got a brain!

MCS -- Wizard, Scarecrow, Dorothy, Tin Man and Lion -- the Scarecrow
thanks the Wizard -- Wizard takes the Lion and leads him forward -- CAMERA
TRUCKS back and PANS right -- the others follow -- the Wizard pauses on
the throne steps -- opens a door and takes out a black bag -- takes a
medal from the bag --

SCARECROW
How can I ever thank you enough?
WIZARD
Well, you can't. As for you, my fine
friend -- you're a victim of disorganized
thinking. You are under the unfortunate
delusion that simply because you run away
from danger, you have no courage. You're
confusing courage with wisdom. Back where
I come from, we have men who are called
heroes. Once a year, they take their
fortitude out of mothballs and parade it
down the main street of the city. And they
have no more courage than you have. But!
They have one thing that you haven't got!
A medal! Therefore -- for meritorious....

MCU -- Lion -- shooting past the Wizard in the f.g. as he presents the
medal to the beaming Lion --

WIZARD
...conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous
bravery against wicked witches, I award you
the Triple Cross.

MS -- Scarecrow, Tin Man and Dorothy watching as the Wizard presents the
medal to the Lion --

WIZARD
You are now a member of the Legion of
Courage!

MCU -- The Wizard leans forward and kisses the Lion -- the Lion reacts,
speaks --

LION
Oh -- Oh -- shucks, folks, I'm speechless!

MS -- Dorothy, Tin Man, Scarecrow watch the Lion as he beams with joy over
his new medal -- the Wizard turns to the Tin Man -- speaks to him --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dorothy and her group confront the Wizard about his broken promises. The Wizard tries to defend himself but the group remains skeptical. The Wizard presents the Scarecrow with a diploma and the Lion with a medal, boosting their confidence.
Strengths "The scene effectively resolves the conflict between the group and the Wizard while also highlighting the growth of the Scarecrow and the Lion."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels repetitive and the stakes could be higher in this scene."
Critique The scene overall is effective in conveying the characters' desires and the Wizard's attempts to manipulate the situation. However, there are a few areas where the dialogue can be improved for clarity and depth.

1. Transition between character lines: The transitions between character lines could be smoother. Consider using action or description to indicate who is speaking before the character's dialogue. This will help avoid confusion for the reader or viewer.

2. Varying dialogue: The characters' dialogue, while conveying their desires, could be more diverse in terms of tone and language. Each character can have a distinct voice that reflects their personality and background. This will make the scene more engaging and authentic.

3. Adding subtext: While the characters speak their desires openly, consider incorporating subtext to add complexity and depth to the scene. This can be done through non-verbal cues, reactions, or underlying emotions that are not explicitly stated in the dialogue.

4. Balancing responses: In the scene, the Wizard often interrupts or talks over the other characters. Consider allowing the other characters to have more agency and give them a chance to fully express their thoughts and feelings before being interrupted.

Overall, by working on these areas, the scene can be enriched and made more engaging for the audience.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more action and movement to the scene. Currently, the characters are mostly standing and talking. Consider having them interact with their surroundings or each other to make it visually dynamic.

2. Give each character a unique voice and dialogue. Right now, the lines are very straightforward and similar for all the characters. Add some personality and individuality to their speech.

3. Show more emotion and reactions from the characters. You can describe their facial expressions, gestures, and body language to make the scene more engaging.

4. Consider adding some conflict or tension. The dialogue is mostly straightforward and lacks any dramatic conflict. Adding some disagreement or disagreement between the characters can make the scene more compelling.

5. Be mindful of the pacing. The scene seems a bit dialogue-heavy, so consider breaking up the dialogue with some action or visual moments to maintain a steady pace.

6. Consider the visual storytelling elements of the scene. Since screenwriting is a visual medium, think about how the cinematography, camera angles, and blocking can enhance the scene. Describe any specific shots or camera movements that can add depth to the scene.

7. Think about the overall character arcs and story progression. Does this scene contribute to the characters' development or the plot? Ensure that the scene serves a purpose and moves the story forward.

8. Cut down on repetitive dialogue. Some of the lines are repeated or redundant. Streamline the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the scene and make it more engaging and visually appealing for the audience.



Scene 40 -  The Wizard Reveals Himself
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
WIZARD
As for you, my galvanized friend, you want
a heart! You don't know how lucky you are
not to have one. Hearts will never be
practical until they can be made
unbreakable. I could have been a world
figure, a power among men, a - a successful
wizard, had I not been obstructed by a heart.

TIN MAN
But I still want one.

WIZARD
Yes -- ....

MCU -- Wizard -- shooting past the Tin Man in left f.g.

WIZARD
...back where I come from there are men who
do nothing all day but good deeds. They
are called phil...er -- er -- phil -- er,
yes...good-deed-doers. And their hearts
are no bigger than yours. But! They have
one thing you haven't got! A testimonial!
MCS -- The Tin Man waits as the Wizard bends down and gets a heart-shaped
watch from his black bag -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward slightly as he presents
it to the Tin Man as Dorothy, Lion and Scarecrow look on --

WIZARD
Therefore, in consideration of your
kindness, I take pleasure at this time in
presenting you with a small token of our
esteem and affection. And remember, my
sentimental friend....

MCU -- Wizard -- shooting past the Tin Man in left f.g.

WIZARD
...that a heart is not judged by how much
you love, but by how much you are loved by
others.

CS -- Tin Man -- shooting past the Wizard in right -- Dorothy standing at
left -- the Tin Man listens to his watch, then holds it up to Dorothy's
ear --

TIN MAN
Ahh --- Oh, it ticks! Listen!

DOROTHY
Yes...!

MS -- Scarecrow, Lion, Dorothy react as the Tin Man shows them the watch --
the Wizard smiles as he watches them -- Lion points to his medal --

DOROTHY
...yes.

TIN MAN
Look -- it ticks!

LION
Read...read what my medal says.

INSERT -- CU of the Medal on the Lion's chest -- reads COURAGE --

LION
Courage!...

MS -- Int. Throne Room -- Scarecrow, Dorothy, The Wizard and Tin Man
admire the Lion's medal -- then they ask about Dorothy's request --

LION
...Ain't it the truth! Ain't it the truth!

DOROTHY
Oh -- oh -- they're all wonderful.

SCARECROW
Hey -- what about Dorothy?

TIN MAN
Yes -- how about Dorothy?

LION
Yeah.
WIZARD
Ah --

LION
Dorothy next!

WIZARD
Yes. Dorothy -- ah -- Dor --

CU -- Dorothy --

DOROTHY
Oh, I don't think there's anything in that
black bag for me.

MCU - The Wizard protests - mumbles as he starts to look into the bag -

WIZARD
Well, no - no -- on the contrary, on
the ---- ....

MS -- The Wizard rummages through the bag as Dorothy and the others look
on -- he finds nothing, so he speaks encouragingly of what he'll do -
CAMERA TRUCKS forward slightly -

WIZARD
...I -- ah -- on the contr -- -- Here --
Well, you force me into a cataclysmic
decision. The only way to get Dorothy back
to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!

CU -- Dorothy reacts, speaks --

DOROTHY
Oh, will you? Could you? Oh -- but are you
a clever enough Wizard....

MCU -- The Wizard --

DOROTHY o.s.
...to manage it?

WIZARD
Child -- you cut me to the quick! I'm an
old Kansas man myself...born and....

CU -- Dorothy is pleased -- looks about at the others --

WIZARD o.s.
...bred in the heart of the western
wilderness -- Premier balloonist par....

MS -- Scarecrow, Dorothy, Lion and Tin Man listening to the Wizard --

WIZARD
...excellence to the Miracle Wonderland
Carnival Company -- until one day, while
performing spectacular feats of stratospheric
skill never before attempted by civilized
man, an unfortunate phenomena occurred.
The balloon failed to return to the fair.

LION
It did?
MCU - The Wizard -

WIZARD
Yes. There was I, floating through space --
a man without a continent!

CU -- Dorothy --

DOROTHY
Weren't you frightened?
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary The Wizard reveals himself to Dorothy and her group, and they confront him about his broken promises and demand to be sent back to Kansas.
Strengths "Character development, emotional impact, plot progression"
Weaknesses "Possible lack of action, some dialogue could be stronger"
Critique Overall, this scene effectively conveys the characters' desires and motivations, as well as their interactions with each other. The dialogue is clear and engaging, with the Wizard expressing his own regrets and the Tin Man expressing his desire for a heart. The Wizard's gift of a heart-shaped watch to the Tin Man symbolizes his acknowledgment of the Tin Man's kindness and the significance of being loved by others.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved.

First, there are instances where the dialogue feels a bit clunky or forced. For example, when the Wizard is trying to remember the word "philanthropist", the repetition and hesitation can be trimmed down to make the dialogue flow more smoothly.

Second, there is an inconsistency in perspective. The scene starts with the Wizard speaking to the Tin Man, but then suddenly shifts to showing the Wizard speaking to the Tin Man from the Tin Man's perspective. This shift in perspective is jarring and could be better handled by keeping the camera focused on the Wizard throughout the scene.

Lastly, the Wizard's explanation of his past experiences as a balloonist feels a bit tangential and unnecessary. While it does contribute to his character's backstory, it could be streamlined to keep the focus on his offer to take Dorothy back to Kansas.

Overall, this scene effectively conveys important character motivations and advancements in the plot, but some minor changes to the dialogue and perspective could help enhance its flow and impact.
Suggestions 1. Consider adding more visual details to the scene to make it visually interesting. For example, instead of simply saying "Wizard" and "Tin Man," describe their appearances and actions in more detail to create a clear mental image for the reader.

2. Clarify the emotions and intentions of the characters. For example, in the exchange between the Wizard and the Tin Man, it's not clear how the Tin Man feels about the Wizard's explanation. Adding some descriptive language to show his longing or disappointment would help.

3. Add more action or movement to the scene to make it dynamic. Instead of the characters simply standing and talking, consider incorporating gestures, facial expressions, or other physical interactions to make the scene more visually engaging.

4. Make the dialogue more concise and to the point. Some of the lines are quite lengthy, so breaking them up into shorter sentences or adding pauses can help keep the audience's attention.

5. Consider including more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. For example, instead of just saying "Dorothy reacts," describe how she reacts - does she smile, gasp, or tear up?

6. Think about the pacing of the scene. Is it dragging on too long? If so, consider cutting or condensing some of the dialogue to keep the story moving forward.



Scene 41 -  The Wizard's Farewell
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
MS -- Scarecrow, Dorothy, Wizard, Tin Man and Lion on the steps near the
throne -- the Wizard speaks as they come forward -- CAMERA PULLS back to
left as they come forward to door -- they pause -- then again come forward
to the doorway -- all react to the Wizard's announcement --

WIZARD
Frightened? You are talking to a man who
has laughed in the face of death -- sneered
at doom and chuckled at catastrophe. I was
petrified. Then suddenly the wind changed,
and the balloon floated down into the heart
of this noble city, where I was instantly
acclaimed Oz, the First Wizard de Luxe!

DOROTHY
Ohhh!

WIZARD
Times being what they were, I accepted the
job, -- retaining my balloon against the
advent of a quick get-away.
(laughs)
And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you
and I will return to the land of E Pluribus
Unum!

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

Ext. Public Square, Emerald City -- LS -- The Wizard and Dorothy in the
basket of balloon -- Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion standing on platform with
them -- people of Oz grouped about them -- the Wizard speaks to them as
the CAMERA MOVES forward -- the people cheer --

WIZARD
Good people of Oz, this is positively the
finest exhibition ever to be shown --
(stammers)
-- yes -- well -- be that as it may -- I,
your Wizard par ardua ad alta, am about to
embark upon a hazardous and technically
unexplainable journey into the outer
stratosphere.

MCS -- Wizard and Dorothy in the basket -- the Wizard speaks to the crowd
o.s. -- CAMERA PANS to left to enter the Tin Man and Scarecrow, then PANS
right as the Wizard points to the Lion --
WIZARD
To confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob
with my brother wizards. And I hereby
decree that until what time -- if any --
that I return, the Scarecrow, by virtue of
his highly superior brains, shall rule in
my stead...assisted by the Tin Man, by
virtue of his magnificent heart...and the
Lion -- by virtue of his courage! Obey them
as you would me! And - ah - well, that's all.

CU -- Toto in Dorothy's arms -- he barks at something o.s. -- People cheer
o.s.

WIZARD o.s.
Thank you.

MCU -- Oz woman with a cat in her arms --

MCU -- Toto barking in Dorothy's arms --

MCS -- Dorothy in basket of balloon -- Toto jumps from her arms -- she
reacts, starts to climb out --

MLS -- Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion on platform -- Wizard in the basket of
balloon -- Dorothy climbs out -- yells

DOROTHY
Oh, come back here! Toto!

MCS -- Dorothy by the side of the basket -- she speaks to the Wizard, then
runs down from the platform -- Lion and Scarecrow seen --

DOROTHY
Come back! Oh, don't go without me! I'll be
right back! Toto!

MLS -- Wizard on balloon platform -- Scarecrow, Lion and Tin Man standing
by -- The Wizard protests as the balloon starts to rise --

TIN MAN
Stop that dog!

WIZARD
This is a highly irregular procedure! This
is absolutely unprecedented!

TIN MAN
Oh! Help me! The balloon's going up!

ELS -- The Wizard rises slowly in the basket of balloon as the Oz people
watch -- Scarecrow and Tin Man try to hold the balloon down -- Dorothy
runs up on the platform, the Lion following -- she yells to the Wizard --
he shouts back -- the Oz people wave goodbye -- the balloon exits to left
f.g. --

WIZARD
-- Ruined my exit!

TIN MAN
Help!
DOROTHY
Oh! Come back! Don't go without me!
Please come back!

WIZARD
I can't come back! I don't know how it
works!

DOROTHY
Oh --

WIZARD
Goodbye, folks!

OZ PEOPLE
Goodbye! Goodbye!

MCS -- Tin Man, Scarecrow and Lion grouped about Dorothy -- she speaks --
they ask her to stay with them -- then the Scarecrow reacts, points up
o.s. --

DOROTHY
Oh, now I'll never get home!

LION
Stay with us, then, Dorothy. We all love
you. We don't want you to go.

DOROTHY
Oh, that's very kind of you -- but this
could never be like Kansas. Auntie Em must
have stopped wondering what happened to me
by now. Oh, Scarecrow, what am I going to
do?

SCARECROW
Look -- here's someone who can help you!

MS -- A group of Oz men react as they look up o.s. -- they bow out of the
scene -- suddenly Glinda appears in the scene -- CAMERA TRUCKS back to
left over heads of the bowing Oz people as she moves down the steps and up
onto the platform to Dorothy, Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow --
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Dorothy and her group confront the Wizard about his broken promises and demand to be sent back to Kansas. The Wizard reluctantly reveals himself and presents the Scarecrow with a diploma and the Lion with a medal. The Wizard announces that he is about to embark on a journey and appoints the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion to rule in his absence. As the Wizard's balloon starts to rise, Dorothy desperately pleads for him to come back, but he can't. The group realizes Dorothy is stuck in Oz and is unsure of what to do. Glinda appears to offer her help.
Strengths "Strong character development and emotional moments"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more impactful"
Critique Overall, this scene has good pacing and solid dialogue. The interaction between the characters is engaging and helps move the story forward. The usage of camera directions adds visual detail and enhances the scene. The transitions between different locations are clear and well-executed.

One area of improvement could be the character development. While we get a sense of the Wizard's personality, the other characters, particularly Dorothy, could be given more depth and complexity. This would make the audience more invested in their stories and relationships.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to have more visual descriptions to help the reader visualize the scene. Including more specific details about the setting, character actions, and expressions would make the scene more vivid and immersive.

Overall, this scene is well-written, but could benefit from further character development and visual descriptions.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more physicality: Instead of just having the characters stand and talk, consider adding some action or movement to make the scene more visually interesting. For example, the characters could be walking or gesturing as they speak.

2. Show the reactions: Instead of just stating that the characters react, show their reactions through their facial expressions and body language. This will help to enhance the emotions of the scene.

3. Vary the dialogue: While the Wizard's speech is important for the story, it can be made more engaging by varying the speech patterns and sentence structures. Consider adding some humor or unique phrases to make it more memorable and entertaining.

4. Create a sense of tension: As the Wizard's balloon starts to rise without Dorothy, there should be a sense of urgency and tension. Use descriptive language and quick dialogue to convey this urgency and make the audience feel invested in whether Dorothy will be able to catch the balloon.

5. Show the characters' emotions: During Dorothy's plea for the balloon to come back, show the emotions of the characters more explicitly. This will help the audience sympathize with Dorothy and understand the dilemma she is facing.

6. Introduce Glinda earlier: Instead of having Glinda suddenly appear in the scene, foreshadow her arrival by having the characters mention her or show their anticipation. This will create a smoother transition and make her appearance more impactful.

7. Consider adding more visual elements: Since this is a film script, think about how you can use visual elements to enhance the scene. For example, you could include shots of the crowd's reactions, close-ups of the characters' faces, or use camera angles to create a sense of movement or tension.

Overall, it's important to think about how to make the scene more visually engaging and emotionally impactful while staying true to the story and characters.



Scene 42 -  The Revelation and Departure
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
CS -- Dorothy, Glinda and Scarecrow on the platform -- Dorothy speaks with
Glinda -- CAMERA PULLS back to enter Tin Man and Lion -- Tin Man speaks --

DOROTHY
Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?

GLINDA
You don't need to be helped any longer.
You've always had the power to go back to
Kansas.

DOROTHY
I have?

SCARECROW
Then why didn't you tell her before?

GLINDA
Because she wouldn't have believed me. She
had to learn it for herself.
TIN MAN
What have you learned, Dorothy?

MCU -- Dorothy -- Lion behind her -- she speaks --

DOROTHY
Well, I -- I think that it -- that it
wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle
Henry and Auntie Em -- and it's that -- if
I ever go looking for my heart's desire
again, I won't look any further than my own
backyard. Because if it isn't there, I
never really lost it to begin with! Is
that right?

MCS -- Tin Man, Dorothy, Glinda, Scarecrow and Lion on platform -- they
speak -- Glinda points down to Dorothy's slippers --

GLINDA
That's all it is!

SCARECROW
But that's so easy! I should have thought
of it for you.

TIN MAN
I should have felt it in my heart.

GLINDA
No. She had to find it out for herself.
Now, those magic slippers will take you
home in two seconds!

DOROTHY
Oh....

CS -- Dorothy and Glinda -- Scarecrow in b.g. -- Dorothy reacts, speaks --
turns about -- begins to cry as she realizes she will lose her three
friends -- CAMERA PANS her left to Tin Man -- she wipes his tears away --
gives him his oil can and then kisses him -- then CAMERA TRUCKS forward
slightly as she says goodbye to the Lion -- PANS right slightly as she
turns to the Scarecrow -- hugs him -- then steps back to Glinda as CAMERA
PANS slightly --

DOROTHY
...Toto, too?

GLINDA
Toto, too.

DOROTHY
Oh, now?

GLINDA
Whenever you wish.

DOROTHY
Oh, dear -- that's too wonderful to be true!
Oh, it's -- it's going to be so hard to say
goodbye. I love you all, too. Goodbye, Tin
Man. Oh, don't cry. You'll rust so
dreadfully. Here -- here's your oil-can.
Goodbye.
TIN MAN
Now I know I've got a heart -- 'cause it's
breaking.

DOROTHY
Oh -- Goodbye, Lion. You know, I know it
isn't right, but I'm going to miss the way
you used to holler for help before you found
your courage.

LION
Well -- I would never've found it if it
hadn't been for you.

DOROTHY
I think I'll miss you most of all.

GLINDA
Are you ready now?

DOROTHY
Yes. Say goodbye, Toto.

MS -- Dorothy waves Toto's paw at the Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow -- then
speaks to Glinda -- Glinda instructs her --

DOROTHY
Yes, I'm ready now.

GLINDA
Then close your eyes, and tap your heels
together three times.

MCU -- Dorothy's heels as she clicks them together three times --

MCU -- Dorothy and Glinda -- Glinda instructs her -- waves her wand --
Dorothy closes her eyes -- CAMERA TRUCKS in to a big CU of Dorothy -- she
speaks -- the scene darkens behind her --

GLINDA
And think to yourself -- "There's no place
like home; there's no place like home;
there's no place like home."

DOROTHY
There's no place like home. There's no
place like home. There's no place like
home. There's no place like home.

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

ELS - The Munchkins waving goodbye from the gates of the Munchkin Village -

DOROTHY o.s.
There's no place like...

CS - The Witch laughing -

DOROTHY o.s.
...home. There's no place....

MCS - The Wizard at the control panel in the Throne Room - he turns, looks
o.s. to f.g. - reacts - pulls the curtain -
DOROTHY o.s.
...like home. There's no place like home.

MS - Glinda leading the Munchkins in a dance - Munchkins in the b.g. -

DOROTHY o.s.
There's no place like home.

MCU - Lion growling -

MS - The Tin Man breaking in the door of the Witch's Tower Room -

DOROTHY o.s.
There's no place like home.

MS - Hickory's Wind Machine on the Gale farm -
Genres: ["Fantasy","Adventure","Family"]

Summary Dorothy and her group confront the Wizard about his broken promises and demand to be sent back to Kansas. The Wizard reluctantly reveals himself and presents the Scarecrow with a diploma and the Lion with a medal. The Wizard announces that he is about to embark on a journey and appoints the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion to rule in his absence. As the Wizard's balloon starts to rise, Dorothy desperately pleads for him to come back, but he can't. The group realizes Dorothy is stuck in Oz and is unsure of what to do. Glinda appears to offer her help.
Strengths "The emotional impact of Dorothy realizing she is stuck in Oz, the dramatic moment of the Wizard revealing himself, and the theme of finding that one's desires are often closer than they seem."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and contrived, and the scene could benefit from more exploration of the characters' motivations and feelings."
Critique Overall, this scene effectively concludes the story and brings resolution to Dorothy's journey. However, there are a few aspects that could be improved upon:

1. Dialogue: The majority of the dialogue in this scene feels quite expository and lacks depth. The characters are simply stating the obvious and providing explanations for things that have already been established. Adding more emotional depth and nuance to the dialogue would enhance the impact of the scene.

2. Visuals: The scene lacks visual variety and could benefit from more dynamic camera work. The camera movements are mostly simple pans and trucks, which can make the scene feel visually static. Introducing more interesting shots and angles would add visual interest and engagement.

3. Character development: Although this scene brings resolution to the story, it doesn't provide much opportunity for character growth or development. The characters' reactions and emotions are somewhat surface-level, and there is room to explore their internal struggles and growth in a more nuanced way.

4. Pacing: The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially towards the end. The emotional beats and moments of farewell between Dorothy and her friends could be given more time to breathe and have a greater impact.

In summary, while this scene provides a satisfactory conclusion to the story, there are areas that could be improved to enhance the emotional impact and depth of the scene.
Suggestions 1. Add more specific and descriptive action lines to the scene to create a clearer visual image for the reader and the eventual viewer.

2. Consider breaking up the dialogue into smaller chunks to improve the pacing and flow of the scene.

3. Show the emotions of the characters through their actions and reactions. For example, when Dorothy realizes she will lose her friends, show her crying instead of simply stating it in the text.

4. Explore opportunities for visual storytelling in the scene. How can the camera movements or shot compositions enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue?

5. Consider adding more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene. How does the platform they're on look, sound, and feel like? What is the overall atmosphere of the scene?

6. Remember to use proper screenplay format, including proper capitalization and punctuation, to ensure professionalism and clarity in the script.

7. Ensure that the scene is concise and focused, removing any unnecessary dialogue or actions that do not serve the progression of the story or characters.

8. Consider adding some subtext or layers to the dialogue to make it more interesting and engaging for the audience. Is there anything beneath the surface that the characters may be hiding or feeling?



Scene 43 -  No Place Like Home
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
DOROTHY o.s.
There's no place like home.

CS - Horse looking out from stall -

CS - Cow - CAMERA PANS slightly -

MCS - Chickens moving about -

CS - Auntie Em offers forward a plate of crullers -

LAP DISSOLVE TO:

CU -- Dorothy lying on pillow -- she mumbles -- Aunt Em's hands enter --
put cloth on Dorothy's head --

DOROTHY
(mumbling)
-- there's no place like home -- there's no
place like home --

AUNT EM o.s.
Dorothy - Dorothy! It's me -- Aunt Em.

CS -- Dorothy lying on bed -- mumbling -- she opens her eyes -- looks
around room -- CAMERA TRUCKS back showing Aunt Em seated on edge of bed --
Uncle Henry standing by -- Professor Marvel enters at window -- speaks --
Dorothy reacts -- looks at him --

AUNT EM o.s.
Wake up, honey.

DOROTHY
-- no place like home -- there's no place
like home -- no place --

AUNT EM
Dorothy. Dorothy, dear. It's Aunt Em,
darling.

DOROTHY
Oh, Auntie Em -- it's you!

AUNT EM
Yes, darling.
PROFESSOR MARVEL
Hello, there! Anybody home? I -- I just
dropped by because I heard the little girl
got caught in the big -- Well....

MCU -- Dorothy -- Camera shooting down past Aunt Em at right --

PROFESSOR MARVEL o.s.
...she seems all right now.

UNCLE HENRY o.s.
Yeah.

MS -- Dorothy lying in bed -- Aunt Em seated by her -- Uncle Henry
standing by -- Professor at window -- Dorothy raises up on her elbow --
speaks -- Aunt Em puts her back on pillow -- then rises and exits -- Hunk
-- Hickory and Zeke enter -- kneel beside bed -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward --
they speak to Dorothy -- CAMERA PULLS back as Zeke and others exit right --
Aunt Em re-enters -- sits by Dorothy -- holds her head(hand) -- CAMERA
TRUCKS back -- Zeke and others standing at right --

UNCLE HENRY
She got quite a bump on the head -- we kinda
thought there for a minute she was going to
leave us.

PROFESSOR
Oh --

DOROTHY
But I did leave you, Uncle Henry -- that's
just the trouble. And I tried to get back
for days and days.

AUNT EM
There, there, lie quiet now. You just had
a bad dream.

DOROTHY
No --

HUNK
Sure -- remember me -- your old pal, Hunk?

HICKORY
And me -- Hickory?

ZEKE
You couldn't forget my face, could you?

DOROTHY
No. But it wasn't a dream -- it was a place.
And you -- and you -- and you -- and you were
there.

PROFESSOR
Oh --
(others laugh)

DOROTHY
But you couldn't have been, could you?

AUNT EM
Oh, we dream lots of silly things when we --
DOROTHY
No, Aunt Em -- this was a real, truly live
place. And I remember that some of it
wasn't very nice....

MCU -- Dorothy -- Camera shooting down past Aunt Em --

DOROTHY
...but most of it was beautiful. But just
the same, all I kept saying to everybody
was, I want to go home. And they sent me
home.

MLS -- Dorothy lying in bed -- Aunt Em sitting by her -- Professor at
window -- Uncle Henry -- Zeke -- Hunk and Hickory standing by -- they
laugh -- Toto jumps up on to bed -- Dorothy takes Toto in her arms --

DOROTHY
Doesn't anybody believe me?

UNCLE HENRY
Of course we believe you, Dorothy.

DOROTHY
Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home!

MCU -- Dorothy holding Toto in her arms -- Camera shooting past Aunt Em at
right f.g. -- Dorothy looks around room -- speaks -- tears come to her
eyes -- Aunt Em rises -- puts her arm around Dorothy -

DOROTHY
Home! And this is my room -- and you're
all here! And I'm not going to leave here
ever, ever again, because I love you all!
And -- Oh, Auntie Em -- there's no place
like home!


FADE OUT:

FADE IN -- THE END -- FADE OUT
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary Dorothy and her group confront the Wizard about his broken promises and demand to be sent back to Kansas. The Wizard reluctantly reveals himself and presents the Scarecrow with a diploma and the Lion with a medal. The Wizard announces that he is about to embark on a journey and appoints the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion to rule in his absence. As the Wizard's balloon starts to rise, Dorothy desperately pleads for him to come back, but he can't. The group realizes Dorothy is stuck in Oz and is unsure of what to do. Glinda appears to offer her help.
Strengths "The scene effectively resolves the conflict between Dorothy and the Wizard, while also setting up the next steps of the story. The dialogue and actions of the characters reflect their emotions and motivations well."
Weaknesses "The scene could have included more tension and conflict between Dorothy and the Wizard. Additionally, some of the dialogue feels a bit predictable and lacks depth."
Critique Overall, this scene effectively demonstrates Dorothy's emotional journey and her longing for home. However, there are a few points to consider for improvement:

1. Lack of visual clarity: Some of the shots and camera movements could be more clearly described. For example, it is unclear what the specific shot is when Auntie Em offers forward a plate of crullers or when "Camera Trucks back showing Aunt Em seated on edge of bed" - it would be helpful to provide more specific details to enhance the readers' understanding of the scene.

2. Dialogue pacing: The scene contains a lot of dialogue, especially in the beginning, which may make it feel a bit dense. Consider breaking up the dialogue with more action or descriptions to balance it out and give the readers a chance to absorb the dialogue.

3. Lack of character introductions: In several instances, characters enter the scene without proper introductions. It would be helpful to provide brief descriptions of the characters as they enter or speak, so that readers can easily follow the action.

4. Emotional impact: The emotions that Dorothy experiences in realizing she is home could be heightened with more vivid and descriptive language. This would help the readers connect with her emotions on a deeper level.

Overall, this scene effectively conveys Dorothy's longing for home and her joy at finally being back. Some attention to clarity, pacing, character introductions, and emotional impact would enhance the scene further.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is quite effective in showing Dorothy's return home and her realization that there is no place like home. However, there are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the visual cues: In the first part of the scene, make it clearer that the close-ups of the horse, cow, and chickens are meant to show them reacting to Dorothy's return. This will help create a stronger visual connection between Dorothy and the animals.

2. Increase the emotional impact: Amplify Dorothy's emotional journey by adding more description to her mumbles and reactions. Emphasize her desperation to get back home and her relief at finally being back.

3. Show the passage of time: Instead of using a lap dissolve to transition, consider using a more dynamic visual technique, like a wipe or a match cut, to show the passage of time and Dorothy's recovery.

4. Develop Aunt Em's character: Give Aunt Em more dialogue and actions as she tends to Dorothy. This will help establish her role as a caring and supportive figure in Dorothy's life.

5. Character introductions: When the characters Hunk, Hickory, and Zeke enter Dorothy's room, give them more distinct actions or dialogue to establish their personalities and their relationship with Dorothy.

6. Highlight the impact of Dorothy's journey: In the dialogue between Dorothy and her family, emphasize the significance of her journey to Oz and the growth she has undergone. This will help reinforce the underlying theme of the story.

7. Showcase Toto's presence: Throughout the scene, include Toto as a constant presence by describing his actions and reactions. This will enhance the emotional connection between Dorothy and Toto.

8. Strengthen Dorothy's resolve: In Dorothy's final speech about her love for her family and her decision to never leave again, add more emphasis and conviction to show her determination and growth.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the emotional impact and clarity of the scene, giving it a more satisfying conclusion to the story.