Arsenic and old lace
Executive Summary
Poster

Overview
Genres: Comedy, Dark Comedy, Mystery, Romance, Thriller, Crime, Drama
Setting: 1940s, Brooklyn, New York
Overview: Arsenic and Old Lace follows Mortimer Brewster, a dramatic critic, as he navigates a series of bizarre events involving his eccentric family. From aunts who poison and bury bodies in the cellar to a brother with a dark past, Mortimer's life is turned upside down. As he grapples with love, loyalty, and the dark secrets of his family, Mortimer must confront his own identity and make difficult decisions.
Themes: Insanity, Murder, Family, Love, Identity
Conflict and Stakes: Mortimer's struggle to keep his family's dark secret from Elaine and the police, Mortimer's struggle to protect Teddy from being committed to a mental institution, and Mortimer's struggle to stop Jonathan and Dr. Einstein from killing him.
Comparable Scripts:
- Arsenic and Old Lace
- The Honeymoon Killers
- The Twilight Zone Episode 'The Midnight Sun'
- The Addams Family
- Clue
- Psycho
- The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
- The Shining
- Hereditary
- Midsommar
Writing Style:
The screenplay exhibits a diverse range of writing styles, with a blend of genres and tones. It incorporates elements of dark humor, witty dialogue, and character-driven comedy. The dialogue is often fast-paced and engaging, contributing to the overall comedic effect.
Style Similarities:
- The Coen Brothers
- Quentin Tarantino
- Woody Allen
Pass/Consider/Recommend
Recommend
Explanation: Arsenic and Old Lace is a highly entertaining screenplay with a unique blend of dark comedy and murder mystery. Its strengths lie in its intriguing premise, charming romance, witty dialogue, and well-developed comedic characters. While there are opportunities to tighten the pacing and further explore character development, the screenplay's overall narrative strength and comedic value make it a highly recommendable project.
USP: This offbeat and darkly comedic play combines murder, humor, and eccentric characters into a unique and captivating theatrical experience. Blending absurdity and wit, it delves into the peculiar Brewster family and their bizarre adventures. The distinct characters, innovative storytelling, and unexpected plot twists keep the audience engaged and entertained throughout the captivating narrative. It is a play that challenges expectations and leaves a lasting impression with its quirky charm and darkly humorous exploration of family dynamics.
Market Analysis
Budget Estimate:$10-15 million
Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-49, fans of horror, comedy, and thrillers
Marketability: Its unique blend of horror, comedy, and thrills has the potential to appeal to a wide audience.
While its dark subject matter may limit its appeal to some audiences, its strong cast and compelling storyline should generate interest.
Its lack of star power and potentially offensive content may make it difficult to market to a mainstream audience.
Profit Potential: Moderate, due to its potential to appeal to a niche audience and generate cult status.
Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice
Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by its witty dialogue, eccentric characters, and blend of humor and darkness. The writer's unique style, which is evident in the dialogue, narrative, and direction, contributes to the overall mood, depth, and themes of the screenplay.
Best representation: Scene 5 - Marriage Announcement and Celebration Preparations. Scene 5 is the best representation of the writer's voice because it effectively combines humor, wit, and emotional depth. The dialogue is sharp and witty, the characters are quirky and engaging, and the blend of humor and darkness creates a unique and memorable scene.
Memorable Lines:
- Mortimer: But there's a body in the window-seat! (Scene 7)
- Martha: Well, dear, for a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoonful of arsenic, then add half a teaspoonful of strychnine. And then, just a pinch of cyanide. (Scene 9)
- Mortimer: Ye gods ! There's another one ! (Scene 19)
- Mortimer: Forget ? Look, my dear aunt Martha, can't I make you realize that something has to be done ? (Scene 8)
- Mortimer: Mister President, I have good news for you. Your term of office is over. (Scene 30)
Characters
Mortimer Brewster:A young man who is engaged to be married, but whose family has a dark secret.
Elaine Harper:Mortimer's fiancée, who is unaware of his family's secret.
Teddy Brewster:Mortimer's eccentric uncle who believes he is President Theodore Roosevelt.
Abby Brewster:Mortimer's aunt and Teddy's sister, who is secretly a serial killer.
Martha Brewster:Mortimer's other aunt and Teddy's sister, who is also a serial killer.
Jonathan Brewster:Mortimer's long-lost brother, who is also a serial killer.
Dr. Einstein:Jonathan's accomplice, who is a mad scientist.
Lieutenant Rooney:A police officer who is investigating the Brewster family.
Officer O'Hara:A police officer who is Rooney's assistant.
Story Shape
Screenplay Story Analysis
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | |||||||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Click for Full Analysis | Tone | Overall Grade | Concept | Plot | Originality Score | Characters | Character Changes | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Opposition | High stakes | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure | |
1 - A Witch's Brew in Brooklyn | Humorous, Light-hearted, Romantic | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
2 - Mortimer's Secret Wedding | Humorous, Whimsical, Romantic | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | |
3 - Officers Visit Eccentric Household | Light-hearted, Whimsical, Charming | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 7 | 3 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
4 - Teddy's Bugle Call | Humorous, Whimsical, Light-hearted | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 6 | 3 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
5 - Flirtatious Encounters | Humorous, Light-hearted, Whimsical | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
6 - Marriage Announcement and Celebration Preparations | Light-hearted, Playful, Romantic | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 3 | 6 | 4 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
7 - Preparations and a Mysterious Discovery | Humorous, Suspenseful, Quirky | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
8 - The Poisoned Wine | Humorous, Dark, Absurd | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
9 - Mortimer's Horror Unveiled | Humorous, Dark, Sarcastic | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
10 - Secrets and Suspicions | Light-hearted, Whimsical, Suspenseful | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
11 - Poisoned Wine | Humorous, Suspenseful, Dark | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
12 - A Strange Request | Humorous, Suspenseful, Quirky | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
13 - Sinister Visitors | Dark, Humorous, Suspenseful | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
14 - Turbulent Confrontations and Delusions | Humorous, Menacing, Erratic | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
15 - Disposal of Mr. Spenalzo's Body | Dark, Suspenseful, Humorous | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
16 - Hidden Horrors in the Brewster House | Suspenseful, Darkly Humorous, Mysterious | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
17 - Unexpected Homecoming | Menacing, Suspenseful, Darkly Humorous | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | |
18 - Chaotic Night at the Brewster Residence | Humorous, Suspenseful, Dark | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
19 - The Unmasking | Humorous, Suspenseful, Dark | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
20 - Confrontation in the Sitting Room | Humorous, Suspenseful, Dark | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
21 - Confrontation and Dark Secrets | Dark, Humorous, Suspenseful | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
22 - Murderous Madness at the Brewster House | Humorous, Menacing, Suspenseful | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | |
23 - Insanity Unveiled | Humorous, Suspenseful, Dark | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
24 - Mortimer's Ignorance and Impending Danger | Suspenseful, Darkly Humorous, Tense | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7.5 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8.5 | 8 | 8 | |
25 - The Betrayal in Mortimer's Cellar | Suspenseful, Dark, Humorous | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
26 - Murder Interrupted | Dark, Suspenseful, Humorous | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
27 - Turmoil in the Brewster House | Humorous, Suspenseful, Chaotic | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | |
28 - Chaos on the Staircase | Dark, Humorous, Suspenseful | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
29 - Ted's Presidential Delusions | Humorous, Suspenseful, Absurd | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
30 - Teddy's Departure | Humorous, Suspenseful, Absurd | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
31 - The Brewster House Investigation | Humorous, Suspenseful, Absurd | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
32 - Mortimer Discovers His True Identity | Humorous, Suspenseful, Surprising | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | |
33 - Romantic Getaway to Niagara Falls | Light-hearted, Whimsical, Playful | 8 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 4 | 7 | 6 | 3 | 7 | 2 | 5 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 |
Scene 1 - A Witch's Brew in Brooklyn
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 7
Written by
Julius J. & Philip G. Epstein
Adapted from the play by
Joseph Kesselring
CREDITS
Credits roll, in white letters, on several funny cartoons, all of
them about witches and witchcraft (a caldron over a fire, with two
witches on either side of it - A close-up of one of the witches -
A witches falling down from the sky on her broomstick, and loosing
her hat in the fall - A furious black cat spitting at an owl
seated on a branch - A carafe with two glasses, actually a direct
reference to the film - An Halloween pumpkin pressing her two
forefingers in its ears, with music notes around it - Black bats
flying over a village).
BROOKLYN - GENERAL OVERVIEW - EXTERIOR DAY
A general overview of Brooklyn, near New York, seen from the roof
of a very high building. Written in white letters on this
overview, the following words :
This is a Hallowe'en
tale of Brooklyn, where
anything can happen--
and it usually does.
Then :
At 3 P.M. on this
particular day, this
was happening-
Several white circles move on the screen, then the whole screen is
covered by a huge base ball, with «Brooklyn» written on it in
black letters.
BASEBALL GAME - SPECTATORS - EXTERIOR DAY
Close-up of the face of man, screaming :
BASEBALL FAN
I'll knock your block off, you big stiff ! You're a bum !
The camera moves away, so we can see the other baseball spectators
behind the first one.
BASEBALL FIELD - EXTERIOR DAY
General view of a baseball field, where a game is being played.
Follow several very quick sequences (one or two seconds each) : A
general view of the spectators. Then a player throwing a ball.
Then a very excited brass band playing. Then a few very excited
spectators. Then another player throwing a ball.
Finally we see a batter missing his ball. We hear the Umpire,
standing behind the catcher and heavily covered with a protection
suit, yelling :
THE UMPIRE
Strike ! You're out !
The batter, who missed the ball, drops his bat on the ground and
comes back to the Umpire. He tears the Umpire helmet and mask
away, and gives him a good punch in the nose. The Umpire falls on
the ground. The catcher then hits the batter. The Umpire rises
slowly from the ground.
Several very quick sequences : The ball-thrower drops his glove
and runs to the fight. Then several excited spectators stand up to
join the fight. Several player, who were waiting for their turn to
go on the field, also run to the fight. Then a view of the fight,
where all the players are hitting each other. Then the popcorn
seller, dropping his basket to join the fight. Then spectators
jumping over the balustrades to join the fight. Then another view
of the players fighting. Then a final view of the Umpire, laying
on the field and leaning on one elbow, and quietly munching some
food.
NEW YORK - A BRIDGE - EXTERIOR DAY
We see a large view of a bridge with a white boat passing
underneath. Written in large white letters on the screen, the
words :
While at the same time
across the river in the
UNITED STATE PROPER
there was a romance in
the air.
MARRIAGE LICENSE BUREAU - INTERIOR DAY
Close-up on the sign «MARRIAGE LICENSE BUREAU», with people
passing underneath.
AN EXCITED GIRL VOICE
Elmer, here it is.
A MORE QUIET MALE VOICE
I knew you'd find it.
ANOTHER MALE VOICE
Boy, I could sure use a drink.
The camera gets down from the sign to floor level. Two journalists
are approaching, one equipped with a camera.
THE PHOTOGRAPHER
I wonder if any big shots are getting married today ?
They stop at the door of the room.
Larger view of the room, where several people are, either standing
in a queue, either sitting at a table and filling forms, either
chatting in groups of two or three
Back to the two journalists still standing a the door.
THE OTHER JOURNALIST
Looks like the same suckers get married every day.
He looks around for a few second, then starts to move away.
THE OTHER JOURNALIST
Come on.
The photographer makes him come back. He points to someone in the
room.
THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Hey, the guy with the cheaters.
In a line of people queueing in front of a counter, we see
Mortimer Brewster, with a hat and a pair of large dark glasses. He
turns around and notices the two journalists looking at him. He
raises the collar of his black coat to try to hide his face. The
girl in front of him turns around to look at him. She has blonde
curly hair and wears a hat with a strange white feather. She is
Elaine Harper. With both his hands, Mortimer turns her face back
toward the counter.
Back to the two journalists at the door of the room.
THE OTHER JOURNALIST
Now what's he hiding from ?
He starts moving to get a better look at Mortimer.
Mortimer moves in front of Elaine, who smiles.
The two journalists are now in the room, and they look at
Mortimer.
THE OTHER JOURNALIST
Hey, isn't that Mortimer Brewster?
THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Mortimer Brewster, the dramatic critic ?
Mortimer looks very embarrassed.
Back to the two journalists.
THE OTHER JOURNALIST
No, it's not him. But what a scoop it would be ! The guy
who wrote The Bachelor's Bible finally getting hooked
himself. Nope. It's too good to be true. Come on, let's
snap the mayor in his new fire helmet and go home.
THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Hey, let's stick around, and see who the guy is.
Back to the line of people waiting in front of the counter. The
marriage clerk is standing behind a set of metal bars. A couple of
people leaves the counter. It's now Mortimer and Elaine's turn.
The marriage clerk sings :
THE CLERK
"Two by two they come and go. Hip hip hig hay !"
He smiles to Mortimer and Elaine.
THE CLERK
Good morning, children. Your name, please ?
ELAINE
Elaine Harper.
Scene 2 - Mortimer's Secret Wedding
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
ear.
THE CLERK
Speak a little louder.
She speaks louder.
ELAINE
Elaine Harper.
THE CLERK
Thank you. Yours ?
Mortimer comes very close to the bars above the counter and
whispers.
MORTIMER
Mortimer Brewster.
The clerk puts his hand back around his ear.
The two journalists are straining their own ears to be able to
understand Mortimer's name
THE CLERK
How's that ?
Mortimer raises his glasses, but still whispers.
MORTIMER
Mortimer Brewster.
THE CLERK
Speak up, sonny. There's nothing to be afraid of.
Mortimer bends down, putting his chin at the counter level. Then
he stands up again, and opens the gate in front of the clerk. He
knocks his head on the bar above the gate. He straightens his hat,
and brings his face close to the clerk's one. He still whispers.
MORTIMER
I want to keep this undercover.
THE CLERK
Love her ? But of course you love her. You're going to
marry her, aren't you ?
MORTIMER
No-no, you don't understand. Come here, come.
With his finger, he signals the clerk to come close to him.
MORTIMER
You see, I don't want this to get out for a while. I'm
Mortimer Brewster.
THE CLERK
You're who ?
Mortimer stops controlling himself and starts yelling
MORTIMER
Mortimer Brew...
He doesn't finish telling his name, takes Elaine's hand, and runs
outside the room, dragging Elaine behind him.
The two journalists react to the news.
THE OTHER JOURNALIST
That's him !
They start running after Mortimer.
CORRIDOR OUTSIDE THE MARRIAGE BUREAU - INTERIOR DAY
Still dragging Elaine, Mortimer runs in the corridor.
THE OTHER JOURNALIST
(voice over)
Mister Brewster !
Mortimer pushes Elaine into a telephone booth and enters behind
her. There is already a man in the booth who is using the phone.
With three people in the booth, Mortimer can hardly close the door
behind him.
The two journalists runs in the corridor.
THE OTHER JOURNALIST
Oh, Mister Brewster !
But they pass the booth without noticing that Mortimer is inside.
In the booth, the man, still holding the phone receiver, tries to
protest the intrusion.
THE MAN ON THE PHONE
Now, look...
Mortimer takes the receiver from him and speaks into it.
MORTIMER
Goodbye, dear.
He hangs up the receiver, and then pushes violently the man
outside the booth. The man looks very angry, but doesn't try to
come back in the booth.
In the booth, a very exciter Mortimer is talking to Elaine.
MORTIMER
Don't you understand ? How can I marry you ? Me, the symbol
of bachelorhood. I've sneered at every love scene in every
play. I've written four million words against marriage !
Not only hooked, but to a minister's daughter, and not only
a minister's daughter but a girl from Brooklyn. And look at
the way you look ! What is that sort of contraption you've
got there ?
He taps on a pin on the lapel of Elaine's jacket.
ELAINE
That's a pin I borrowed from your aunts. You know what
they're saying, "Something borrowed..."
MORTIMER
Yeah, I know that "Something borrowed, something blue."
Old, new. Rice and old shoes. Carry you over the threshold.
Niagara Falls. All that silly tripe I made fun for years.
Is this what I've come to ? I can't go through with it. I
won't marry you. And that's that.
He takes his glasses off. Elaine whispers :
ELAINE
Yes, Mortimer.
MORTIMER
What do you mean, «Yes, Mortimer» ? Aren't you insulted ?
Aren't you going to cry ? Aren't you going to make a
scene ?
ELAINE
No, Mortimer.
MORTIMER
And don't «No, Mortimer» me, either ! Don't you see
marriage is a superstition. It's old-fashioned. It's...
a... a... Ohh !...
He kisses her very passionately.
He stops kissing her, and gets out of the booth, dragging her
behind him. They enter the marriage bureau.
MARRIAGE LICENSE BUREAU - INTERIOR DAY
They get back a the end of the line of people waiting to be
married.
The girl in front of Elaine winks to Elaine. Elaine winks back to
her.
A man in front of the girls turns toward Mortimer and smiles to
him, in a slightly idiotic way. Mortimer looks at him, a bit
surprised, and gives him a forced smile, showing his teeth.
BROOKLYN - RESIDENTIAL DISTRICT - EXTERIOR DAY
We see a street in Brooklyn, in front of nice house. Written on
the screen in large white letters :
And now, back to
one of Brooklyn's most
charming residential
districts--
BROOKLYN - CHURCHYARD - EXTERIOR DAY
A churchyard, with a close-up on a tombstone : «Jacob John
Vendemeer died 1654». Written on the screen in large white
letters :
--From her in you're
on your own.
We see the gate of the churchyard, with a plate that says : «This
cemetery was established in april 1654»
Along this gate, two cops are doing their beat. The older one,
Sargent Brophy, is talking to the younger one, Officer Patrick
O'Hara.
BROPHY
O'Hara, don't be a jerk. You don't seem to realize. I'm
turning over to you the nicest, the best beat in Brooklyn.
Now look at that old church. And them old houses.
O'HARA
Did George Washington ever do any sleeping around here ?
BROPHY
Of course he did. Well, this whole neighborhood just stinks
with atmosphere. And look at that old house there.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR DAY
Walking their beat, the two cops have come outside the Brewster
sisters residence.
O'HARA
Are the original owners still over there ?
BROPHY
Now, don't crack wise about the Brewster sisters. They're
two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest old ladies that ever
walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're
like... they're like pressed rose leaves.
They have come near a police call box. Brophy takes a key out of
his pocket to open the box
O'HARA
Pressed rose leaves ?
In front of the house, there is a «Room for Rent» sign. While
Brophy picks up the phone in the call box, O'Hara looks at the
sign.
Scene 3 - Officers Visit Eccentric Household
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
The old girls must be kind of hard up, huh ?
BROPHY
No, no. Their old man left them fixed for life. And don't
you call them «the girls», either.
Brophy starts talking in the receiver of the call box.
BROPHY
Brophy. Is Lieutenant around ?
O'HARA
Then, so why here do they rent a room for ?
BROPHY
They don't rent rooms. But you can bet if anybody came
looking for a room, they wouldn't go away without a good
meal and probably a couple of bucks in their pockets.
That's just their way of digging up people to do good to.
We get a closer view of the front of the house. A large
rectangular stone, with «Brewster» engraved on it. A group of
children runs in front of the house.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR DAY
In the forefront of the room, Teddy Brewster is playing Mozart's
Turkish March on the harpsichord. He looks a bit like late
President Theodore Roosevelt. And he is dressed like the President
was dressed on the official pictures we've got of him... And, like
the President, he is wearing a pince-nez.
In another corner of the room, Abby Brewster is having tea with
Reverend Harper, Elaine's father. She looks like an old English
lady, a bit like Agatha Christie's Miss Marple.
ABBY
Reverend Harper, I do hope you don't disapprove of Mortimer
just because he's a dramatic critic and takes your daughter
to the theater every night.
REVEREND HARPER
It's not so much that I disapprove of his being a critic,
but no man, no man with this published attitude on
marriage...
Close-up on the book Reverend Harper just took on the table :
«Marriage, a Fraud and a Failure, by Mortimer Brewster».
REVEREND HARPER
...should take any man's daughter anyplace...
He sneezes.
REVEREND HARPER
...at any time.
He sneezes again, louder this time. Teddy stops playing and there
is a puzzled look in his eyes.
TEDDY
I must be catching cold.
ABBY
(to Teddy)
No, dear. It was Reverend Harper who sneezed.
(to Reverend Harper)
Bless you.
Teddy puts back in his pocket the handkerchief he had taken out
and starts playing again.
ABBY
We mustn't be angry with Mortimer. He's so very much in
love with her. And Sister Martha and I are so happy about
it. He used to come to see us only occasionally, and now,
now he's in Brooklyn six nights a week.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR DAY
The two cops, Brophy and O'Hara, are mounting the steps to the
Brewster sisters house.
BROPHY
Remember now, watch your language.
O'HARA
Besides, you know I'm not a swearing man.
BROPHY
You'd be surprised what they'd consider swearing.
He rings the doorbell.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR DAY
At the sound of the doorbell, Teddy stops playing.
ABBY
Oh, will you excuse me ?
She gets up from her armchair.
ABBY
No, no, Teddy, dear. Thank you. I'll go.
She goes to the door and opens it.
ABBY
Oh, come right in, Mr. Brophy.
The two cops get in.
BROPHY
Miss Abby, we came for the toys.
ABBY
Oh yes.
O'Hara closes the door.
BROPHY
This is Officer O'Hara. He's taking over my beat.
O'HARA
How are you doing ?
ABBY
May I welcome you to our neighborhood, Mister O'Hara.
Teddy, with his teacup in hand, joins the group. He speaks with a
very serious expression on his face.
TEDDY
Gentlemen, what news have you brought me ?
Brophy salutes him and stands at attention.
BROPHY
Colonel, we have nothing to report.
Teddy gives an intrigued look to O'Hara, who doesn't seem to
understand. Brophy elbows him with the arm which is still
saluting.
O'HARA
Huh ?
He eventually understands what his Sargent is trying to tell him.
O'HARA
Oh no, absolutely nothing to report.
He salutes but with a less official attitude than his Sargent.
Teddy smiles.
TEDDY
Splendid ! Thank you, gentlemen.
(very serious again)
At ease.
Brophy puts his arm down. O'Hara looks at his Sargent with a
perplexed expression, and takes longer to put his arm down
ABBY
You know the Reverend Doctor Harper from the church next
door ?
BROPHY
Hello, Reverend. This is Officer O'Hara, the new man on the
beat.
Teddy looks at O'Hara with a puzzled expression.
O'HARA
How do you do, sir ? It's nice to meet you.
O'Hara looks ill at ease under Teddy's stare.
ABBY
The toys are on the chair up here, by the library door.
O'Hara moves toward the pile of toys. Teddy's eyes are following
him with the same puzzled expression. O'Hara feels less and less
at ease.
ABBY
Oh, Teddy, will you run upstairs and bring down your Army
and Navy from Aunt Martha's room. They're all packed.
REVEREND HARPER
That's splendid work you men do, fixing up discarded toys
for the kids at camp.
Teddy, who has started to mount the stairs to the upper level,
stops in his stride, pretends he is taking a sword out of a sheath
at his side, points this imaginary sword in front of him and
starts running up the stairs, yelling :
TEDDY
Charge !
When he arrives on the balcony, on which open the bedroom doors,
he rushes into his room and slams the door.
While Bophy and Reverend Harper remain unmoved, O'Hara, who is
standing by the grandfather's clock, jumps and looks at the clock,
which chimes once. The minute hand of the clock falls down to the
half-hour position. O'Hara is very disturbed and points his stick
to his Sargent, who seems to be totally unmoved by the event and
laughs with Reverend Harper and Abby.
BROPHY
It gives us something to do as we are sitting around the
station. You get tired of playing cards.
Abby moves away from them to the grandfather's clock. She puts the
minute hand back into its original position. Brophy and Reverend
Harper joins her by the clock.
BROPHY
So these are the toys ?
O'Hara picks up the box in which the toys are stocked.
ABBY
How's Missis Brophy ?
BROPHY
Oh, she's better, thank you. But a little weak, still.
ABBY
Well, I'll better get some beef broth for you to take to
her.
Scene 4 - Teddy's Bugle Call
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
Oh, Miss Abby, please don't bother. You've done so much
already.
ABBY
Oh, Stuff and nonsense ! I won't be a minute.
She moves away and exits into the kitchen.
REVEREND HARPER
Gentlemen, if I know what pure kindness and absolute
generosity are, it's because I've known the Brewster
sisters.
On the balcony, Teddy gets out of his room with a bugle, and
starts playing it very loudly. O'Hara jumps and drops the box with
the toys on the floor. Reverend Harper and Brophy seem to be less
moved by the event.
Brophy stands back and points his finger up to Teddy.
BROPHY
Oh, Teddy, you promised me you wouldn't do that anymore.
Teddy, still standing on the balcony, answers him leaning on the
balustrade.
TEDDY
But I have to call a Cabinet meeting to get the release of
those supplies.
BROPHY
Now don't do that again. Do you hear me ?
Teddy goes back into his room, slamming the door behind him. The
grandfather's clock chimes once, and the minute hand falls back to
the half-hour position. O'Hara jumps and looks at the clock.
BROPHY
He used to do that in the middle of the night, and
neighbors raised Cain with me. They're a little afraid of
him anyway.
O'HARA
Look, Sarge, I promised you I wouldn't swear, but what the
heck...
He stops in the middle of his sentence, gives a quick look to
Reverend Harper, and corrects himself.
O'HARA
...What's going on here anyway ?
REVEREND HARPER
Oh, he's quite harmless.
BROPHY
He thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt. So what, there's a lot of
worse guys he could think he was.
O'HARA
Huh ?
O'Hara gives a quick look toward the upper landing, and then nods.
O'HARA
That's right. I'll make a note of it. He's a very
interesting character.
BROPHY
Isn't it a shame, Father, isn't it a shame, Reverend, that
a nice family like this should be hatching a cuckoo ?
The front door opens and Martha Brewster comes in. Like her
sister, she looks like an old English lady. She is wearing a short
cape and a hat, and she carries a cylindrical can with a handle.
She closes the door.
MARTHA
Oh, well, now, isn't this nice !
She goes to Brophy and the Reverend.
BROPHY
Good afternoon, Miss Brewster.
MARTHA
How do you do, Mr Brophy ?
REVEREND HARPER
Good afternoon, Miss Brewster.
O'Hara has picked up the toys and he joins the group.
MARTHA
Reverend Harper, how do you do ?
BROPHY
Oh, Miss Martha, this is Officer O'Hara. He's taking over
my duties.
O'HARA
How do you do, ma'am ?
MARTHA
I'm very glad to know you.
Abby comes out of the kitchen, carrying a cylindrical can, similar
to the one her sister is carrying
O'HARA
Thank you.
Abby joins the group.
ABBY
Oh, Martha, you're back.
She gives the can to Brophy. Meanwhile, Martha has taken her cape
off.
ABBY
Here's the broth for Missis Brophy. Be sure it's good and
hot.
BROPHY
You bet I will, and thank you very much.
Teddy is getting down the stairs, carrying a box full of toys
under his arm. He stops a few steps from floor level
TEDDY
The Army and Navy are ready for action.
He resumes his walking down the stairs.
BROPHY
Oh, Colonel, this is grand. It'll make a lot of kids happy.
Brophy takes the box from Teddy. Teddy looks into the box O'Hara
is carrying, and takes a model warship out of the box.
TEDDY
What's this ? The Oregon ?
MARTHA
Oh, Teddy, dear, put it back.
She has taken her hat off.
TEDDY
But the Oregon goes to Australia.
ABBY
Now, Teddy...
Teddy tucks the model ship under his arm. O'Hara looks at him with
puzzled eyes.
TEDDY
No, it goes to Australia.
BROPHY
These are lovely. Thank you very much.
ABBY
Not at all.
Brophy moves toward the front door. O'Hara follows him, still
looking at Teddy. Teddy doesn't seem to like the way he looks at
him, and moves the toy ship away from him.
BROPHY
The children will go crazy.
He has reached the front door. Abby has moved near the door, ready
to open it for him.
ABBY
Oh, now, don't mention it.
O'Hara salutes Teddy.
O'HARA
Well... So long, Colonel.
Teddy looks at him and then looks at Brophy, who doesn't salute
him. O'Hara elbows his Sargent with the arm which is saluting.
O'HARA
Hey, Sarge.
BROPHY
Hey ?
Brophy looks at Teddy and understands the situation. He also
salutes Teddy.
BROPHY
Oh, yes.
Teddy salutes them.
TEDDY
Dismissed !
Brophy and O'Hara bring their arms down.
BROPHY
Well, goodbye and thank you.
ABBY
Good bye.
Abby opens the front door. The two cops start going out, Brophy
first.
ABBY
Careful of the step here now with the toys.
BROPHY
Good night.
O'Hara goes out, and then comes one step back and shows his face
behind the door. He winks to Teddy. Teddy raises his eyebrows.
TEDDY
Young man, let that be a lesson to you.
O'Hara chuckles, then makes a strange face, and goes out.
ABBY
Goodbye.
She closes the door, and goes back to her sister and Reverend
Harper.
ABBY
Well...
REVEREND HARPER
Well, I must be going.
Teddy, still carrying his model warship, starts mounting the
stairs, stops after a few steps, takes his imaginary sword out,
points it forward and runs upstairs, yelling :
TEDDY
Charge !
He reaches the balcony, turns toward the balustrade and yells.
TEDDY
Charge the blockhouse !
He goes into his room and slams the door behind him. We hear the
grandfather's clock chiming once.
Reverend Harper looks up at the balcony, then turns to the
Brewster sisters with puzzled eyes.
REVEREND HARPER
Blockhouse ?
MARTHA
Oh, the stairs are always San Juan Hill.
REVEREND HARPER
Oh, I...
But Reverend Harper doesn't finish his sentence and sneezes very
loudly. He takes his handkerchief out of his pocket to put it
under his nose.
ABBY
Bless you !
REVEREND HARPER
Have you ever tried to persuade him he wasn't Teddy
Roosevelt ?
ABBY
Oh, no !
Scene 5 - Flirtatious Encounters
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
MARTHA
Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Abby moves the minute hand of the clock back in place.
ABBY
Oh, do you remember, Martha ?
She comes back to her sister and Reverend Harper.
ABBY
Once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George
Washington, it might be a change for him, and we suggested
it.
MARTHA
And do you know what happened ? He just stayed under his
bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
Reverend Harper laughs.
REVEREND HARPER
Well, if he's happy, and what's more important, you're
happy...
He starts walking toward the front door, followed by the Brewster
sisters. He reaches the door and opens it.
MARTHA
Oh, our only worry for Teddy is after we are gone.
They all go out.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR DAY
The three of them are coming out of the house.
REVEREND HARPER
Yes, indeed. That is quite a problem.
ABBY
But Mortimer's made all the arrangements for Teddy to go to
Happy Dale Sanitarium after we pass on.
REVEREND HARPER
Splendid idea ! A very pleasant place.
MARTHA
Yes...
Reverend Harper put his hat back on his head, and starts walking
toward his own house.
ABBY
Dear, sweet Reverend Harper.
The two sisters look at him. We see him cross the churchyard and
enter his house.
ABBY
You know, Martha, I really do believe he's beginning to see
the light.
They start walking back to the door of their house.
MARTHA
I'm sure we needn't worry about him. He won't interfere
with our plans for Mortimer and Elaine.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR DAY
The two sisters enter their house. Martha closes the door.
MARTHA
Oh, did you just have tea ?
ABBY
Yes. And dinner's going to be late, too.
MARTHA
Ohh ! Why ?
They both turn their heads toward the stairs, because they just
heard Teddy's door slamming.
ABBY
Teddy ?...
She goes to the stairs, followed by Martha. Teddy is coming down.
ABBY
Oh, Teddy, good news for you. You're going to Panama and
dig another lock for the canal.
She points her finger toward the cellar door. Martha seems
delighted by the news.
TEDDY
Delighted !
He rubs his hands
TEDDY
That's bully ! Just bully ! I shall prepare at once for the
journey.
He starts mounting the stairs, stops and goes back a few steps
down, takes his imaginary sword out, points it forward, and runs
upstairs, yelling :
TEDDY
Charge !
Before Teddy slams his door, Abby put her hand on the face of the
clock to prevent the minute hand falling down.
MARTHA
Abby ! While I was out ?
ABBY
Yes, dear. I just couldn't wait for you. I didn't know when
you'd be back, and Reverend Harper was coming.
MARTHA
But all by yourself.
ABBY
Oh, I got along fine.
MARTHA
I'll run right downstairs and see.
She goes to the cellar door.
ABBY
No, no, dear. There wasn't time. And I was all alone.
Martha looks around in the room, then looks at her sister with
questioning eyes.
MARTHA
Well ?
ABBY
Martha, just look in the window-seat.
She points to the large chest-bench under the window. Martha seems
delighted and both sisters go to the window-seat. They bend down
to raise the lid of the seat, when someone taps on the window
above the seat. The two sisters stand up and move the curtains
revealing Elaine's face.
ABBY
Oh ! It's Elaine !
Elaine raises the window and kisses the two sisters.
ELAINE
You, darlings.
She winks at them, and then runs away.
MARTHA
But, Elaine !
ABBY
What did she mean ? You don't suppose they've gone and...
Martha puts her hand over her mouth.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR DAY
A taxi cab has stopped in front of the Brewster sisters house. The
driver is half inside the back of his car, apparently looking for
something. Mortimer is already out of the cab. He is whistling. He
raises his hand and yells :
MORTIMER
Elaine !
Elaine is crossing the churchyard to go to her father's house. She
stops and turns around to look at Mortimer.
On one of the tombstones is engraved the name «Amanda Brewster»
and the dates : «1813-1863».
The Brewster sisters, who were bending out of their window to get
a better view of the scene, are coming back in, looking extremely
happy.
The cab driver gives his coat to Mortimer.
CAB DRIVER
Listen, buddy. This old cab has seen osculation but...
He whistles and goes back inside the back of the car to look for
other missing items.
MORTIMER
You ain't seen anything yet. You've got to drive us to the
station.
The driver comes out of the cab, holding a hat.
CAB DRIVER
You'd better take her hat.
MORTIMER
Oh thanks.
The driver goes back inside the car.
CAB DRIVER
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a... And her brooch.
He gives Mortimer the brooch.
MORTIMER
If you find her hairpins, you can keep them. Hold on to
that.
He gives his coat back to the driver and runs away.
CAB DRIVER
Yeah !
Mortimer runs across the churchyard to meet Elaine.
We see the two Brewster sisters peeking behind the curtains of
their window.
MARTHA
There they are.
Mortimer gives Elaine her hat. She doesn't take it.
MORTIMER
Here's your hat.
ELAINE
Just throw it. I don't like that look in your eyes.
MORTIMER
What ? What's the matter ?
ELAINE
Father preached in sermon about it only last Sunday.
MORTIMER
He did ? He did ? What did he say ? What did he say ?
Elaine is trying to avoid Mortimer by going around a tree.
ELAINE
He was against it.
MORTIMER
Ah ! But that was only Sunday.
He chases her around the tree. They laugh. Mortimer starts
clowning.
MORTIMER
Please ! For heaven's sake !
ELAINE
But, Mortimer, right out here in the open with everyone
looking ?
MORTIMER
Yeah ! Right out here in the open with everyone looking.
Let everyone in Brooklyn over 16 look.
He starts chasing her again.
Scene 6 - Marriage Announcement and Celebration Preparations
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
laugh and then slightly move the curtains open a few inches to
have a better look.
Back to the tree. The couple is hidden by the tree. They separate
and move a little away from each other, each one of them appearing
on either side the tree.
Elaine drags Mortimer by the hand from behind the tree.
ELAINE
But, Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too ?
MORTIMER
One thing at a time.
She starts running away from him.
ELAINE
Oh ! There's that look again !
Mortimer comes slowly from behind the tree, clowning.
MORTIMER
«There's that look again, Mortimer !» You better get used
to it.
He becomes more serious and come closer to her.
MORTIMER
Look like you're going to see it often. It goes just before
this.
He kisses her very passionately.
MORTIMER
You know what we're doing, darling ? We're wasting time.
Look, I'll go tell my aunts and you tell your old... No,
you'd better not tell your father just yet. You'll run that
cold of his into a pneumonia.
ELAINE
Oh, I can handle Father. He's a dear.
MORTIMER
Look, why don't we wire him from Niagara Falls ?
ELAINE
Niagara Falls ?
Mortimer nods.
ELAINE
Then that's why you stopped at your office.
MORTIMER
Yes, certainly ! We're going to go the whole hog. Niagara
Falls ! Everybody ought to go to Niagara Falls. You
should've seen my secretary's face when I made the
reservation. We've got a drawing-room on the train,
the bridal suite in the hotel, and tomorrow morning
we go over the falls in a barrel.
Elaine kisses Mortimer very passionately.
MORTIMER
Go on, darling, hurry and pack.
ELAINE
I don't have to. I started packing the day after I met you.
She starts moving away. He holds her back.
MORTIMER
There, you see ! You see ? That's what I mean. That's what
I hate about women.
Mortimer kisses her.
Back to the cab driver who is pacing in front of his car. He rubs
his chin.
CAB DRIVER
I wonder what Mary's doing now ?
Mortimer and Elaine are still kissing. Mortimer lets go of Elaine.
He puts her hat on her head.
MORTIMER
Go on, darling, the train leaves in an hour, and hurry.
ELAINE
It'll be a few minutes before I'm ready. Father may want to
pray over me a little.
She moves away.
MORTIMER
Whistle when you're ready. Oh, Elaine...
She turns around.
ELAINE
Yeah.
MORTIMER
When you whistle, open the front door fast. If you see a
tall, dark streak of light, it's me.
He starts running toward his aunts' house. Elaine runs to her
father's house.
She stops at the door of her house and starts whistling.
Mortimer, who had also reached his door, stops and turns around.
MORTIMER
What ? Now ?
He starts running toward her, but she stops him.
ELAINE
No, not now !
She opens her door.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR DAY
The two sisters are eagerly waiting for Mortimer. Martha whispers.
MARTHA
Look surprised when he tells us.
Abby laughs. They hear a door slamming in the next room.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha !
Mortimer rushes into the room and throws his hat on a chair.
MORTIMER
Hold on to your bustles. We're married. Elaine and I are
married.
The two sisters hug and kiss Mortimer.
ABBY
Oh, darling, how wonderful ! Oh, Martha, isn't it
wonderful ? They're married!
MORTIMER
Yeah ! Don't pretend to be so surprised either, you two old
frauds. Can I use the telephone, darling ?
ABBY
Yes, of course.
Mortimer goes to the telephone, followed by his two aunts.
ABBY
Isn't it too, too wonderful ?
Mortimer sits at the small desk on which the telephone is, and
whistles while dialing.
MARTHA
And to think that it happened right here in this room !
She dabs her nose with her handkerchief.
MORTIMER
Oh, now, here, here, now ! Hello ?... Hello ? Benson's
Florists ? This is Mortimer Brewster. Did you send those
roses to Missis Brewster's apartment ?... You did ? Good.
Now, send four dozen more to drawing room A, Canadian
Limited, Grand Central Station. Yes... And hurry then. And
throw in a flock of orange blossoms.
He puts the telephone receiver back on his hook, and he turns on
his chair to face his aunts, his arms resting on the back of the
chair.
ABBY
But before you go, we can have our celebration. I'll open a
bottle of wine and we'll sing. And we'll invite a few of
the neighbors in.
MARTHA
And, of course, a wedding cake.
MORTIMER
Oh, darling, you won't have time to bake a cake. We're
going to Niagara Falls. I've got a taxi waiting.
ABBY
Oh, it's all ready. It's been ready since..
MORTIMER
Yeah, I bet it's been ready since the first day I met her,
huh ?
He stands up.
MORTIMER
What is it ? Did everybody in Brooklyn know I was getting
married, except me ?
MARTHA
Oh, we knew you'd find out about it in time.
Mortimer laughs and hugs his aunts.
MORTIMER
Come here. I've got the two nicest aunts in the world. Of
course, you've got the nicest nephew in the world, too.
Martha moves away to the kitchen.
MARTHA
Well, I'll run along and get everything ready.
ABBY
Oh, dear. I do hope the Reverend isn't too angry. You know
how your books upset him.
MORTIMER
Well, I'm going to burn all my books. And I'll let the
Reverend Harper light the first match. Oh, by the way, did
I leave some notes here for my new book ?
ABBY
You mean «Mind Over Matrimony» ?
MORTIMER
Yes ! Shhh ! Where are they ?
ABBY
I hid them someplace...
Abby turns to go searching, and Mortimer pats her behind.
MORTIMER
Come on, come on. Let's go.
Abby turns back to him.
ABBY
Now you behave.
She goes away on her search.
MORTIMER
Let's find them before Elaine sees them.
Scene 7 - Preparations and a Mysterious Discovery
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 7
colonial costume, complete with pith helmet. He is carrying a
shovel and his bugle is stuck in his belt. He walks rapidly down
the stairs.
He stops a few steps from the ground floor, when he spots
Mortimer. He seems very happy to see him.
TEDDY
Hello, Mortimer !
They shake hands.
MORTIMER
How are you, Mister President ?
TEDDY
Bully, thank you. Just bully. What news have you brought
me ?
Teddy takes off his pince-nez.
MORTIMER
Just this, Mister President. The country's squarely behind
you.
TEDDY
Yes, I know. Isn't it wonderful ?
He puts his pince-nez back on his nose, and shakes hands again
with Mortimer.
TEDDY
Well, goodbye. I'm off to Panama.
Teddy walks to the cellar door. Mortimer bends slightly.
MORTIMER
Goodbye, Mister President.
Before he opens the door, Teddy turns to Mortimer.
TEDDY
A new lock for the canal, you know.
He opens the door, and starts walking down the steps to the
cellar. Before the door closes back, we can hear him singing :
TEDDY
«Oh, tell the news to Mother».
Abby is still looking for Mortimer's note, and, in a drawer, she
finds a piece of paper that seems to annoy her.
ABBY
Oh, dear.
MORTIMER
Did you find those notes ?
Mortimer senses there is something wrong in his aunt's voice, and
walks to her.
MORTIMER
What's the matter ?
She holds the paper for Mortimer to take it.
ABBY
There's a baby picture of your brother Jonathan.
Mortimer takes the picture and looks at it.
INSERT - Close-up of the picture. It shows a very ugly child with
a very strange face.
MORTIMER
You ought to put that in the fire with my books. My, what a
face !
He gives the picture back to Abby.
MORTIMER
I remember now. He used to scare grownups with it.
Mortimer walks away from his aunt.
ABBY
Just the thought of Jonathan frightens me. Do you remember
how he used to cut worms in two with his teeth ?
Mortimer is searching on the small telephone desk.
MORTIMER
Oh, Jonathan ? Oh, he's probably in prison or hanged or
something by now.
He walks across the room and starts searching on the table.
MORTIMER
I saw a play, which had a character in it. Reminded me of
Jonathan.
ABBY
No ? Really?
While talking, they both keep on searching everywhere in the room.
MORTIMER
Yeah. Oh, a honey of a lunatic. One of those whodunits
called «Murder Will Out».
ABBY
Oh, dear !
Abby goes into the kitchen.
MORTIMER
Yeah, what a play. When the curtain goes up, the first
thing you see is a dead body.
While talking, he keeps on searching and opens the lid of the
window-seat. He gives its insides a quick look and closes it back,
and then moves away.
MORTIMER
The next thing...
He stops in his tracks and looks back at the window-seat. He jumps
back to it, opens the lid and closes it very quickly. He then sits
on the seat with a frightened look on his face. Slowly, he kneels
down on the floor, and opens the lid again, but very slowly. He
talks to whatever, or whomever, is in the seat.
MORTIMER
Hey, mister.
He remains a few seconds seated of the seat, with a very puzzled
face.
We hear Elaine whistling. Mortimer tries to whistle back, but no
sound comes from his mouth. He tries again, but with no more
success. He seems in shock.
He looks at the kitchen, then at the seat. There is horror on his
face.
His two aunts come from the kitchen, singing and carrying things
for the celebration.
Mortimer shows a forced smile.
The two sisters puts things on the table, then they come to
Mortimer, who is still seated on the window-seat. Abby is carrying
a big bowl of rice, and the two girls start throwing rice on him.
ABBY
Happy bridegroom !
MARTHA
Congratulations, darling !
MORTIMER
Never mind that now. I know.
Mortimer takes the bowl from Abby's hands and put it on a small
table. He remains seated while his aunts are standing in front of
him.
MORTIMER
Now, listen, darlings. Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha, you know how
we've always planned to send Teddy to that Sanitarium,
Happy Dale ?
ABBY
Oh, yes, dear. That's after we're gone.
They move away to start setting the table.
ABBY
Yes, we talked with Reverend Harper about it.
MORTIMER
No, no. Teddy's got to go to Happy Dale now. At once ! Now,
he's down in the cellar. Get him up here right away.
MARTHA
But, there's no such hurry as yet, you know.
ABBY
No... When Teddy's working on the canal, you can't get his
mind on anything else.
Mortimer stands up and comes to the table where his aunts are
working.
MORTIMER
Well, look, darlings. Look, I'm frightfully sorry, but I've
got an awful shock for you.
He takes Abby's hands in his.
MORTIMER
Teddy's killed a man, darlings !
Martha laughs.
MARTHA
Nonsense !
MORTIMER
(he yells)
But there's a body in the window-seat !
ABBY
Yes, dear. We know.
Mortimer looks even more shocked than before. His two aunts keep
on setting the table as if nothing had happened.
MORTIMER
You know ?
MARTHA
Of course.
ABBY
Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy.
Mortimer wants to speak, but Abby stops him.
ABBY
Now, Mortimer. You just forget about it. Forget you ever
saw the gentleman.
MORTIMER
Forget ?
ABBY
We never dreamed you'd peek.
MORTIMER
What the... Who is he ?
ABBY
He's a Mister Hoskins. Adam Hoskins. That's really all I
know about him, except that he's a Methodist.
MARTHA
Oh ! He's a Methodist ? Isn't that nice.
MORTIMER
That's all you know ? But what's he doing here ? What
happened to him ?
Mortimer is more and more shocked and his aunts, very calmly, keep
on putting plates and silverware on the table.
MARTHA
He died.
MORTIMER
Look, Aunt Martha, men just don't get into window-seats and
die.
ABBY
No, dear. He died first.
Mortimer takes his aunts' hands to stop them from setting the
table.
Scene 8 - The Poisoned Wine
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 9
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 9
Oh, well, now wait ! Stop all this.
He takes Abby's hands in his.
MORTIMER
Now look, darlings, how did he die ?
ABBY
Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died
because he drank some wine with poison in it.
MORTIMER
But, how did the poison get in the wine ?
MARTHA
Well we put it in wine because it's less noticeable.
When it's in tea, it has a distinct odor.
MORTIMER
You mean you...
(yelling)
You put it in the wine ?
ABBY
Yes. And I put Mister Hoskins in the window-seat, because
Reverend Harper was coming.
Mortimer seems ready to faint.
MORTIMER
Ohh ! Look at me, darling.
He takes again Abby's hands in his.
MORTIMER
You mean, you mean you knew what you'd done and you didn't
want the Reverend Harper to see the body ?
ABBY
Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
Abby goes back table-setting and Mortimer holds himself on the
edge of the table.
MORTIMER
Ohh ! It's first-degree.
ABBY
Now, Mortimer, you know all about it and just forget about
it. I do think that Martha and I have the right to our own
little secrets.
Martha walks to the kitchen door, but she stops and turns around.
MARTHA
Oh, Abby, while I was out I dropped in on Missis Schultz.
She's much better. But she wants us to take Junior to the
movies again.
ABBY
Well, we must do that, tomorrow or next day.
MARTHA
Yes, but this time we'll go where we want to go. Junior's
not going to drag me into another one of those scary
pictures.
The two sisters enter the kitchen.
ABBY
No, they ought not to be allowed to make those pictures
just to frighten people.
Mortimer remains alone in the room. He has the face of someone who
thinks he is having a nightmare and hopes to wake up soon.
He goes to the telephone desk, picks up the phone and dials «0».
MORTIMER
Operator ?... Can you hear my voice ?... You can ?...
Are you sure ?...
He puts the phone down.
MORTIMER
Then I must be here.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR DAY
Elaine is appearing of her room in her father's house. She has got
her purse and her gloves. She plays with a large artificial
flower. She whistles.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR DAY
Mortimer, half-seated on the telephone desk, comes out of his
dream, and goes to the window. By signs only, he tries to explain
to Elaine that he's got a problem with the window-seat. We don't
see her, but we imagine she doesn't understand, because Mortimer
rushes to the kitchen.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - INTERIOR DAY
Mortimer rushes into the kitchen.
MORTIMER
Aunt Abby ! Aunt Martha !
He stops abruptly. A group of costumed and masked children are
gathered behind the window. Martha is distributing watermelons,
pumpkins and pies to them. The children are saying
incomprehensible words of thanking.
Martha closes the window on them, and switches on the lights.
ABBY
Oh, the dears. Isn't Halloween a wonderful time for them ?
MARTHA
Yes, it is. They have so much fun.
They both go back to their cooking work in the kitchen. Martha is
preparing some kind of desert in a bowl.
MARTHA
Now, Mortimer, don't be so impatient. We'll let you lick
the bowl out.
MORTIMER
Lick the bowl ? I don't want to lick the bowl. I want to
know what we're going to do !
MARTHA
Well, we're going to celebrate, dear.
MORTIMER
Celebrate ? There's a body in the window-seat !
ABBY
Yes, dear. Mister Hoskins.
MORTIMER
Oh, I know what his name is. I just want to know what we're
going to do. We can't turn you over to the police.
Mortimer paces the kitchen, while his aunts are busy cooking.
ABBY
Yes. You just should get stop worrying about it.
MARTHA
We told you to forget the whole thing.
MORTIMER
(yelling)
Forget ? Look, my dear aunt Martha, can't I make you
realize that something has to be done ?
Abby leaves the stove where she was working and comes to the
table.
ABBY
Now, Mortimer, you behave. You're too old to be flying off
the handle like this.
MORTIMER
But, but Mister Hodgekiss...
ABBY
Hoskins, dear.
MORTIMER
But whatever his name is, you can't leave him in there.
MARTHA
We don't intend to, dear.
ABBY
No, Teddy's down in the cellar now, digging the lock.
Mortimer looks very shocked.
MORTIMER
Oh, you mean you're going to bury Mister Hodgekiss in the
cellar ?
MARTHA
Oh, yes, dear. That's what we did with the others.
MORTIMER
Look, here, Aunt Martha. You can't...
He comes close to the table where Martha is working. And all of a
sudden, he seems to realize what she just said.
MORTIMER
Others ?
MARTHA
The other gentlemen.
MORTIMER
Oh ! When you say «others», do you mean «others» ? More
than one «others» ?
Martha laughs.
MARTHA
Oh, yes, dear. Let me see now. This is eleven, isn't it,
Abby ?
ABBY
Oh no, dear. This makes twelve.
MARTHA
Abby, dear, I think you're wrong. This one is only eleven.
ABBY
No, dear, because I remember when Mister Hoskins first came
in, it occurred to me that he'd make just an even dozen.
Mortimer seems completely dejected and he sits down, not even
listening to his aunts anymore.
MARTHA
But, look, Abby dear, I really don't think you should count
the first one.
ABBY
Oh, I was counting the first one, and that makes it twelve.
MARTHA
It does ?
Abby, who is sucking her finger, nods to answer.
MARTHA
Well, she's probably right. Abby usually is. I get them
mixed up sometimes.
MORTIMER
Makes it twelve. Well...
The telephone rings. Mortimer puts his hand to his ear.
MORTIMER
Hello ?
He suddenly realizes that he doesn't have a telephone in his hand.
MORTIMER
Oh !
He rushes out of the kitchen.
ABBY
Well, whatever is the matter with Mortimer today ?
MARTHA
Why, Abby, what do you think happened to him ?
Scene 9 - Mortimer's Horror Unveiled
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR DAY
Mortimer sits at the telephone desk and picks up the phone.
MORTIMER
Hello ?
We hear some whistling, coming from the telephone. Mortimer takes
the receiver a bit away from his ear, surprised. Then he takes it
back.
MORTIMER
Not now. Not now. For heaven's sake, keep your shirt on !
He slams the phone down on his hook. Then he realizes he has been
rude, and picks it up again.
MORTIMER
Oh... Oh, Elaine, I didn't mean...
He realizes there is no one on the phone, and puts it back down.
MORTIMER
Now, let's see. Where were we ? Twelve.
(he yells)
Twelve !
He jumps from his chair and rushes toward the kitchen. But, when
he sees his two aunts setting the table, he stops and goes to
them.
MARTHA
Yes, dear. Abby thinks we should count the first one.
MORTIMER
Never mind about that. Just sit down.
Martha sits down.
MORTIMER
Now, tell me, who was the first one ?
ABBY
Mister Midgely. He was a Baptist.
MARTHA
He was such a lonely, old gentleman, Mister Midgely was.
ABBY
All his kith and kin were dead.
MARTHA
We felt so sorry for him.
ABBY
And then, when his heart attack came, and he sat there dead
in that chair, looking so peaceful. Remember, Martha ? We
made up our minds, then and there, that if we could help
other lonely, old men to find that same peace, we would.
MORTIMER
Why, you poor... You mean, he dropped dead right in this
chair ?
Mortimer realizes it's the chair he's sitting on, and stands up
very quickly.
ABBY
And then, you see, Teddy came up from digging in Panama,
and he thought Mister Midgely was a yellow-fever victim.
And that meant he had to be buried immediately.
MORTIMER
So ?
MARTHA
So, we all took him down to Panama, and put him in the lock
and gave him a decent Christian burial. There, now you
see ?
(she stands up)
That's why we told you not to bother about it, because we
know exactly what's to be done.
Mortimer is sitting on the table, and seems not to know what he
must do next. But he suddenly stands up.
MORTIMER
Wait a minute !
He rushes to his aunts.
MORTIMER
Come here, darlings. What about the others ? All twelve of
them didn't walk in here and drop dead.
ABBY
Oh, no, dear. Of course not !
MORTIMER
Well, so, so...
Abby whispers something in Martha's ear. Martha looks at Mortimer,
smiles, and whispers back in her sister's ear.
MARTHA
Mortimer.
MORTIMER
Wh... what?
MARTHA
Do you remember those jars of poison that were on the
shelves in Grandfather's laboratory all these years ?
ABBY
You know your Aunt Martha's knack for mixing things.
You've eaten enough of her piccalilli.
MARTHA
Well, dear, for a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one
teaspoonful of arsenic, then add half a teaspoonful of
strychnine. And then, just a pinch of cyanide.
MORTIMER
Mmmm ! Should have quite a kick.
ABBY
Yes, as a matter of fact, one of our gentlemen found time
to say : «How delicious !»
MORTIMER
He did ? Well, wasn't that nice of him ?
MARTHA
Abby, we mustn't be standing here gossiping all night.
Well, we must get that cake frosted.
She moves toward the kitchen, followed by Abby.
MORTIMER
Oh no, darling, don't worry about the cake. I couldn't eat
a thing.
ABBY
Oh, you newlyweds! A sip of wine will give you an appetite.
MORTIMER
That'd be nice, darling, a sip of... A sip of wine !
He stands up.
MORTIMER
Wine !
He wants to move away, but his foot get entangled in the back of a
chair, and he almost falls down.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR DAY
Elaine appears at the window of her room. She is arranging the
artificial flower on the lapel of her jacket. She moves away from
the window.
The cab driver is still pacing on the sidewalk near his car.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR DAY
Mortimer closes the drapes between the sitting-room and the next
room. He then goes to the cellar door and opens the door ajar. A
cat meows and comes out through the opening. We hear Teddy singing
down in the cellar.
MORTIMER
I'm beginning to think the cat's in on this.
He listens to the singing coming from the cellar.
MORTIMER
He's wonderful. Happy as a lark. Singing away, digging
locks.
He closes the cellar door.
MORTIMER
Got him working on a yellow-fever victim. Oh, I can see the
headlines now : «Murder Incorporator Rides Again» right
across the front page. Let me see... Teddy ! Of course.
Everybody knows he's crazy. Let me see. Who can I call up ?
Dewey, La Guardia, Winchell ? No, Winchell's no good. Old
Judge Cullman !
He starts moving across the room, putting his hand in the inside
breast pocket of his jacket.
MORTIMER
I wonder if I got his number.
He gets a couple of tickets out of his pocket. He sits at the
small telephone desk.
MORTIMER
What am I doing with tickets ?
He throws the tickets on the desk. He picks up the phone, and
starts dialing.
MORTIMER
Information... Hello ? Information ?... Get me the number
of Judge Cullman on North Shore Road, Brooklyn. Yeah, would
you call me back ?
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR NIGHT
The night has come. Elaine is walking very rapidly on the
sidewalk. She passes near the taxi. The driver opens the door for
her, but she keeps on walking.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer is standing by the window-seat. All the drapes are
closed. He bends down.
MORTIMER
How it would be marvelous if he wasn't there.
He slowly opens the lid of the seat. When the lid is a few inches
open, he peeks inside.
ELAINE
(voice over)
Hey, you !
When he hears Elaine's voice, Mortimer slams the lid down and sit
on the seat.
ELAINE
Thought you were tall, dark streak of light.
She is standing by the half-open door, and she makes the gestures
Mortimer made when he had told her the same sentence, earlier in
the churchyard.
Scene 10 - Secrets and Suspicions
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 9
What are you doing here?
ELAINE
What am I doing here ? Didn't you hear me whistle ?
MORTIMER
Whistle ? Oh, yes, yes. I heard you whistle. But...
He stands up and comes to her in the middle of the room. He gives
her a quick kiss.
ELAINE
Hey, how do I look ?
She pivots to show him the way she is dressed.
MORTIMER
Oh, you look fine, you look fine. Now, run on home. I'll
call you up tomorrow.
ELAINE
Tomorrow ?
He pushes her toward the door.
MORTIMER
Yeah, you know I always call you up every day or two.
She laughs.
ELAINE
Oh ! you and your gags ! Where's your hat ? Come on. The
bags are in the taxi.
MORTIMER
Huh ? Taxi ? Huh, huh, huh ?
She is pulling him toward the door.
ELAINE
Yeah, come on !
MORTIMER
Oh, Elaine, I'm so sorry. But something's happened.
ELAINE
What'd you do, lose your nerve ? Hey, where's that look
I was going to see so often ?
She takes his head to bring her mouth close to his ear, and then
she starts whistling. He moves away and rubs his ear.
MORTIMER
Oh, stop ! Don't whistle in my ear, please.
ELAINE
Mortimer, what is wrong ? Look at your hair.
He bends down for her to see his hair better.
MORTIMER
Oh, my God, what color is it ? Quick ! Has it turned ?
ELAINE
Oh, darling, what's the matter ? What happened ?
She starts stroking his face. He bends down on her shoulder.
MORTIMER
Oh, Elaine, if I could only tell you, Elaine. You smell so
nice.
The phone rings. Mortimer jumps up
MORTIMER
Oh ! Oh !
He pushes her out through the open door.
MORTIMER
You better go home !
ELAINE
But, darling, we were married today.
MORTIMER
All right, go home, go to bed, get some rest !
ELAINE
Rest ?
He slams the door on her, and rushes to the telephone. He sits
down at the desk and picks up the phone.
MORTIMER
Who ? Who ? Judge Cullman ?
The front door opens, and Elaine comes back inside the house.
MORTIMER
This is Mortimer Brewster. Look, Judge, I'll tell you why I
called you. It's about Teddy.
Elaine crosses the room and sits on the window-seat.
MORTIMER
I've got to come over and see you right away. Oh, I'm
afraid it won't wait until tomorrow, Judge. Yeah, you see,
it's very, very important. We've got to do something about
it immediately. But it's practically a matter of life
and...
Mortimer turns his head and sees Elaine sitting on the window-
seat. He drops the phone on the desk, and yells :
MORTIMER
Elaine !
Elaine, frightened, jumps up from the seat. Mortimer rushes to
her.
MORTIMER
Will you get out of here ?
ELAINE
Mortimer, what in the world is going on around here ? I
don't even know where I stand !
MORTIMER
Anywhere, but don't stand there !
He moves her away from the window-seat.
ELAINE
But, darling, Niagara Falls !
MORTIMER
If it does, we'll let it !
ELAINE
Now, wait a minute ! Listen. You can't marry me one minute
and then throw me out the house the next !
MORTIMER
Oh, darling, I'm not throwing you out of the house !
He lifts her and actually throws her out of the house
MORTIMER
Will you get out of here ?
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR NIGHT
Elaine bumps into an old man, Mr. Gibbs, standing just outside the
entrance of the house. He is holding a newspaper in his hand.
She comes back to the door, but Mortimer slams it in her face.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer locks the door and goes back to the phone
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR NIGHT
Elaine is knocking desperately on the door. Gibbs is still behind
her.
ELAINE
Mortimer !
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer is back sitting at the desk and talking into the phone.
In the background, we hear Elaine's pounding on the door.
MORTIMER
I'm sorry, Judge. But... a thing happened. But, Judge,
about Teddy, you see...
ELAINE
(voice over)
Mortimer !
MORTIMER
Hold it. You see, Judge, it's his bugle blowing. Yes, the
neighbors have been complaining, and the police are all set
to throw him into a state institution.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR NIGHT
Elaine seems quite angry.
ELAINE
How do you like that ?
Gibbs shows his newspaper to Elaine
GIBBS
I read an ad here about a room to rent.
ELAINE
Oh ! Shut up !
She walks away, leaving Gibbs at the door. She walks quickly by
the taxi. The driver opens the door for her, but she walks on with
quick steps.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer is still on the phone.
MORTIMER
Well, I thought that if you sign the papers, I can get
Teddy to commit himself, and get him in Happy Dale... Yes,
it's a wonderful place, Judge... You will ?... Fine ! I'll
be over right as soon as I've made another call.
The front door bell rings.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR NIGHT
Gibbs is standing by the door, ringing the bell.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Abby comes in the room from the kitchen. Mortimer is still on the
phone.
ABBY
Doorbell's ringing, dear.
She crosses the room to the front door. She opens the door,
revealing Gibbs.
ABBY
Oh, how do you do ? Come in.
The kitchen door has remained open, and we see Martha still
working on her cooking.
GIBBS
(voice over)
I understand you've got a room to rent.
Hearing that, Martha drops her cooking and comes into the room.
ABBY
Yes... Do step in.
Abby opens the door wide for him to get in.
GIBBS
Well, are you the lady of the house ?
ABBY
Yes, I'm Miss Brewster.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
Yeah, operator ? Give me long distance, please.
Martha has joined her sister.
ABBY
And this is my sister. Another Miss Brewster.
Gibbs takes off his hat.
GIBBS
My name's Gibbs.
Quick shot on Mortimer, still on the phone. He gives a quick look
toward his aunts, but doesn't seem interested.
Scene 11 - Poisoned Wine
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 7
Well, do sit down. I'm sorry, but we're just setting the
table for dinner.
She moves an armchair on the other side of the table.
ABBY
Now, this would be a nice comfortable chair.
Back to Mortimer.
MORTIMER
Oh. Hello, long distance ? I want the Happy Dale
Sanitarium, Happy Dale, New York.
Back to Gibbs and the sisters.
ABBY
Is Brooklyn your home ?
GIBBS
I haven't got a home. I live in a hotel. Don't like it.
MARTHA
A... are your family Brooklyn people ?
MORTIMER
(voice over)
Hello ? Hap...
GIBBS
Haven't got any family.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
Well, operator...
ABBY
All alone in the world ?
GIBBS
Yeah.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
No, no...
Abby looks at her sister with a knowing smile.
ABBY
Well, Martha....
MORTIMER
(voice over)
No, Happy Dale... Yes.
ABBY
Well, you've come to just the right house. You sit down.
She helps him sit down in the armchair, while Martha is bringing a
carafe of wine and a glass.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
Dale. «D» like in «dig», you know, when you dig a lock.
That's right. «A» like in «arsenic». Got that ?
Short close-up on the carafe of wine, now on the table.
GIBBS
Is there always this much noise ?
MARTHA
Oh ! He doesn't live with us.
Mortimer is standing, with the telephone set in one hand, and the
receiver on his ear in the other hand. He whispers.
MORTIMER
I can see the headlines now. Oh, please.
(back to normal voice)
Hello ?
Back to the table.
GIBBS
I'd really like to see the room. Well, I don't think I'll
like it.
He stands up and takes his hat, which he had put on the table.
ABBY
The room's upstairs.
Abby is seated at the table, with Martha standing behind her. She
takes the carafe.
ABBY
Won't you try a glass of our wine before we start up ?
GIBBS
Never touch it.
MARTHA
Well, we make this ourselves. It's elderberry wine.
GIBBS
Elderberry ?
He puts his hat back on the table and sits down.
GIBBS
I haven't tasted elderberry wine since I was a boy.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
Oh...
GIBBS
Thank you.
Abby starts pouring the wine in the glass.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
Operator ! Well, I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry !
I want the Happy Dale Sanitarium ! Sanitarium !
Sanitarium ! Sanitarium ! Yes, like a broken record !
Gibbs takes the glass from Abby.
GIBBS
Have your own elderberry bushes ?
MARTHA
No, but the cemetery's full of them.
Gibbs raises his glass.
GIBBS
Well, skoal.
In the background, Mortimer is yelling louder and louder. Gibbs,
who had the glass almost to his lips, puts it down. The two
sisters watch him with expecting eyes.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
Hello, operator! No, operator, what's taking you so long ?
It's only across the river ! I could swim it faster ! Yes !
Hello ! Hello...
Gibbs, who had taken the glass back to his lips, put it down once
more.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
What ?... What, they're busy ? Busy ? They're busy and
you're dizzy ! No, I'm not drunk, madam, but you've given
me an idea !
A noise of chairs and various objects falling.
Mortimer comes to the table and takes the carafe and a glass.
Abby, concentrated on Gibbs raising the glass to his lips again,
doesn't see him, but Martha does, and seems very anxious about it.
She taps her two forefingers together.
MARTHA
Mortimer ! Ah-ah ah-ah !...
Mortimer keeps on pouring the wine in the glass
MORTIMER
Darling, don't «ah-ah ah-ah», I'm nervous. Don't do this.
Abby sees him. She turns around, and very calmly, holds the hand
which is holding the glass.
ABBY
Mortimer. Not that.
He puts the glass down, and suddenly realizes the situation. He
looks at Gibbs, who has taken the glass to his lips. He yells and
Gibbs, frightened, stands up and drops the glass on the floor.
Mortimer points his finger at him.
MORTIMER
Get out of here ! Do you want to be poisoned, do you want
to be murdered, do you want to be killed ? Do you ?
Gibbs grabs his hat and runs to the front door. Mortimer runs
after him and falls over an armchair standing in his way. The two
sisters seem very upset.
Gibbs gets out and slams the door.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR NIGHT
Gibbs runs out of the house, and stops by the cab driver, who is
seated near his taxi, smoking a cigarette.
GIBBS
They... they're nuts !
CAB DRIVER
Hey, you're telling me !
Gibbs runs away in the street.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
The two sisters are seated on the window-seat. Mortimer slowly
raises himself from the overturned armchair.
MORTIMER
Look, you can't do things like that !
He stands up and puts the armchair back on its legs.
MORTIMER
Now I don't know how I can explain this to you, but it's
not only against the law, it's wrong.
He walks slowly toward them.
ABBY
Oh, piffle !
Both sisters are sulking.
MORTIMER
It's not a nice thing to do. People wouldn't understand.
He points to the front door and the departed Mr. Gibbs.
MORTIMER
He wouldn't understand. What I mean is... Well... This is
developing into a very bad habit !
The telephone rings.
MORTIMER
Oh... Yes...
He goes to the desk, sits on the chair, and picks up the phone.
MORTIMER
Hello ?... Who ?... Oh, Happy Dale Sanitarium ? Oh, that's
amazing, operator. Yeah... Happy Dale ? Oh, let me talk to
Mister Witherspoon, please.
WITHERSPOON'S OFFICE - INTERIOR NIGHT
Witherspoon is sitting behind his desk, the telephone receiver to
his ear.
WITHERSPOON
Mr. Witherspoon speaking... Oh, how do you do, Mister
Brewster ? How are you ?
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer is still at the desk, telephoning.
Scene 12 - A Strange Request
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 9
Uh... uh... Well, Mister Witherspoon, do you... Oh, I'm
fine, thanks. How are you ? Mister Witherspoon, do you
remember that conversation we had about committing my
brother Teddy to Happy Dale ?... You do ? Well, we want to
commit him there immediately.
WITHERSPOON'S OFFICE - INTERIOR NIGHT
WITHERSPOON
Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, that's too bad. Well, I'd hoped we
wouldn't have him for some time yet. Well, you see, Mister
Brewster, we have several Theodore Roosevelts at the
moment, and it would lead to trouble. Oh, trouble... Oh,
now, if he thought that... Look, Mr. Brewster, we're a bit
short of Napoleons at present. The Bonaparte. And if...
Oh... oh, I see. Of course. Well, if your mind is made up.
Yes. Yes. Have you had the papers drawn up ?
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
MORTIMER
No, but I'm going to attend to it right now and call you as
soon as I have them. Thank you, Mister... What ?... All
right. Thank you, Mister Witherspoon.
He puts the phone down.
WITHERSPOON'S OFFICE - INTERIOR NIGHT
Witherspoon puts his phone down
WITHERSPOON
Another Roosevelt. Oh, dear, dear.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer goes back to his aunts, still sitting on the window-seat.
MORTIMER
Now listen, darlings. I've got to run over to Judge
Cullman's, but, before I go, I want you to promise me
something.
MARTHA
Well, we'd have to know what it was first.
MORTIMER
Well, I love you both very much. And you know I'd do
anything in the world for you, don't you ?
ABBY
Yes, dear.
MORTIMER
All right, then I want you to do one little thing for me,
like good girls.
ABBY
What do you want us to do ?
MORTIMER
Don't do anything. I mean, don't do anything ! Don't let
anyone in the house and leave Mr. Whosit right where he is.
Oh ! Get off that thing. I can't talk to you... I can't
concentrate.
He makes them stand up from the window-seat.
MORTIMER
Now, look, darlings, I wouldn't want anything in the world
to happen to either of you.
ABBY
But, what on earth could happen to us?
MORTIMER
Well, darling... Anyway, you'll do that little thing for
me, won't you ? All right.
Abby nods.
MORTIMER
Where's my hat ? There it is.
He leaves them to pick up his hat.
MARTHA
But, Mortimer.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
What, darling, what ?
MARTHA
We were planning to hold services before dinner.
MORTIMER
Look, couldn't that wait until I get back ?
ABBY
Oh, and you could join us in the hymns !
MORTIMER
Yes, darling, I could join you in the hymns. I'll sing with
you, I'll dance with you, I'll do anything. But...
remember, don't let anybody in the house until I get back.
You promise ?
Abby and Martha nod.
MORTIMER
Good.
He puts the hat on his head. The hat is ostensibly to large for
him. He opens the front door
ABBY
(voice over)
Mortimer !
He was almost out, but he turns around.
MORTIMER
What ?
Abby points to the hat, but can't talk.
ABBY
Uh-uh-uh-uh !...
MORTIMER
Stop that «uh-uh-uh». What is it ?
ABBY
Mr. Hoskins' hat !
Mortimer raises his eyes, and tears the had off his head
MORTIMER
Ohhhh !...
He throws the hat away, leaves and closes the door.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR NIGHT
The cab driver is pacing back and forth on the sidewalk near his
taxi.
Mortimer comes running out of the house. The driver goes toward
him.
CAB DRIVER
Do you still want me to wait here ?
MORTIMER
Yes ! Call me a cab !
CAB DRIVER
Yeah. Okay, okay !
They run together and stop in front of the parked taxi. The driver
waves his arm.
CAB DRIVER
Hey, cab !... Here you are.
Another taxi stops near the first one. The driver wants to open
the back door for Mortimer.
MORTIMER
Don't open it. I'll sit with you !
CAB DRIVER
Yeah, that's right. I can go faster that way. Sure.
Mortimer climbs in the front of the taxi, next to the driver. The
taxi drives away, and the first driver remains on the street,
touching his cap.
CAB DRIVER
Wait a minute ! What am I doing ? Hey !
He pats his own taxi, points his finger to it and waves for the
other taxi to come back.
CAB DRIVER
Come here !
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Abby picks up Mr. Hoskins' hat. She brushes it with her hand and
gives it to Martha.
ABBY
Fancy getting nice Mr. Hoskins' hat all mussed up.
MARTHA
Shame ! Such a nice hat.
She crosses the room and, takes a brush on a cupboard near the
window-seat, and starts brushing the hat.
MARTHA
You know, Abby, Mortimer didn't seem to be quite himself
today.
Abby brings two candlesticks on the table
ABBY
No. Oh, well.
Martha opens the cupboard, which is full of man's hats. She puts
Hoskins' hat with the others, and then closes the cupboard
MARTHA
Well, what were you saying about Mortimer ?
Abby has lit the candles.
ABBY
Oh, I think I understand why he seemed so upset.
MARTHA
Why ?
ABBY
He's just been married. I believe that always makes a man a
little nervous.
MARTHA
Oh, yes. The poor dears.
She crosses the room to the door to switch off the lights
MARTHA
I'm so happy for Elaine. Oh, Abby ! If Mortimer's coming
back for the services for Mr. Hoskins, we're going to need
another hymnal. There's one up in my room.
Knocks at the front door. Through the frosted window-panels of the
door, we see the shadows of two men.
ABBY
Oh, I'll go, dear.
MARTHA
Abby, we promised Mortimer we wouldn't let anyone come in.
More knocks at the door. Martha peeks through the drapes of a
convenient window, a few steps above floor-level on the staircase.
MARTHA
Abby ! Two men, and I've never seen them before.
ABBY
Are you sure ?
MARTHA
Yes.
ABBY
Let me look.
Abby climbs the steps and comes near her sister to peek through
the drapes
Scene 13 - Sinister Visitors
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 9
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
You look.
The two shadows knock again.
MARTHA
Do you recognize them ?
ABBY
No, they're strangers to me.
MARTHA
Well, we'll just have to pretend we're not at home.
The front door opens. The tallest of the two men, dressed in black
and wearing a large hat, comes in first. The other one, shorter
and hatless, follows him.
We get a close-up of the face of the tall man, actually Jonathan
Brewster. It's full of scars and it makes him look a bit like
Boris Karloff in the Frankenstein films. He looks around the room.
JONATHAN
Come in, doctor.
Doctor Einstein, who was waiting at the door, comes into the room,
and closes the door behind him.
JONATHAN
This is the home of my youth. As a boy, I couldn't wait to
escape from this house. Now I'm glad to escape back into
it.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yes, Johnny, it's a good hideout.
He takes a small bottle from an inside pocket of his jacket, and
takes a sip at it.
JONATHAN
The family must still live here. I hope there's a fatted
calf awaiting the return of the prodigal.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
A fatted calf ? Oh, Johnny, I'm so hungry.
He comes closer to the table.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Look, Johnny. Drink.
JONATHAN
As if we were expected.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yes.
JONATHAN
A good omen.
Einstein pours some wine from the carafe in a glass. Jonathan
takes a glass already full on the table.
Abby gets down the few steps, followed by Martha.
ABBY
Who are you ? What are you doing here ?
The two men put their glasses down on the table
JONATHAN
Aunt Abby. Aunt Martha. It's Jonathan.
MARTHA
You, you get out of here !
JONATHAN
I'm Jonathan, you know. Your nephew, Jonathan.
He takes his hat off.
ABBY
Oh no, you're not. You're nothing like Jonathan, so don't
pretend you are. You just get out of here.
She points to the door.
JONATHAN
I see you're still wearing the lovely garnet ring that
Grandma Brewster bought in England. And you, Aunt Martha,
still the high collar to hide the scar where Grandfather's
acid burned you.
MARTHA
Why, his voice is like Jonathan's.
ABBY
Have, have you been in an accident ?
JONATHAN
My face. Doctor Einstein is responsible for that. He's a
plastic surgeon.
MARTHA
But I've seen that face before. Do you remember when we
took the little Schultz boy to the movies and I was so
frightened ? It was that face.
Jonathan turns around and look harshly at Einstein, who seems a
bit uneasy.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Take it easy, Johnny. Take it easy. Don't worry. The last
five years, I give him three different faces. I give him
another one right away. That last face. I saw that picture,
too, just before I operated. I was intoxicated.
Jonathan grabs Einstein's collar and squeezes it.
JONATHAN
You see, doctor, what you've done to me ? Even my own
family think I'm...
Einstein has breathing problems because of Jonathan's squeezing.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Johnny, Johnny ! You are home in this lovely house.
Jonathan lets go of Einstein, who walks toward the two sisters.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
You know how many times he tells me about... about
Brooklyn, about this house, and about his aunts he loves so
much ? They know you, Johnny. Please tell him so.
ABBY
Well, Jonathan, it's been a long time.
Jonathan sits down.
JONATHAN
Bless you. It's good to be home again.
Abby turns toward Martha, and then goes down the few last steps to
floor level.
ABBY
Well, Martha, we mustn't let what's on the stove boil over.
She picks up the glasses on the table.
ABBY
If you'll excuse us for a moment, Jonathan. Unless you're
in a hurry to go somewhere.
She goes to the kitchen with the glasses. Martha picks up the wine
carafe, to the disappointment of Dr. Einstein, and follows her
sister toward the kitchen. Before entering the kitchen, she puts
the carafe back on the shelf where it was before. She then closes
the kitchen door after her.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Well, Johnny, where do we go from here ? You know, Johnny,
we got to think fast.
Close-up on the hands of Jonathan playing with a metallic brain-
teaser.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
The police, they got pictures of that face. I got to
operate on you right away. We got to find someplace. We got
to find someplace for Mister Spenalzo, too.
While talking, he has taken another sip from his bottle.
JONATHAN
Don't waste any worry on that rat.
Einstein stands up.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
But we got a hot stiff on our hands.
JONATHAN
Forget Mr. Spenalzo.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
But, Johnny, we can't leave a dead body in the rumble seat.
You shouldn't have killed him. Just because he knows
something about us, what happens ?
Einstein mimes the breaking of a neck with his hands.
JONATHAN
We come to him for help and he tries to shake us down.
Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff. That's your
work, doctor. You did that to me.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
No, please, Johnny, take it easy. We'll find some place
and I'll fix you up right away.
JONATHAN
Tonight.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yes, tonight, but I have to eat first.
The two sisters are peeking in the room through a small
rectangular hole in the door of the kitchen.
JONATHAN
This time, I want the face of an absolute nonentity.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yes, Johnny. I know exactly what I'm going to do.
He comes close to Jonathan and shows him on his face what he is
going to do to it.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
You see, I'm going to take this piece here and lift it
up...
JONATHAN
Be careful about the stitches this time.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
You leave that up to me. I'll give you nice little ears
and...
JONATHAN
You were careless last time.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
And new stitches. And on the eyes I'll do a Schmidt. That's
my specialty. You see, I take it together like this...
JONATHAN
Leave the eyes alone. Leave the nose alone.
The scene dissolves to :
Scene 14 - Turbulent Confrontations and Delusions
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
The judge is sitting, studying some papers. Mortimer is standing
at his side.
JUDGE CULLMAN
Poor Teddy. I imagine it's for the best.
He drops the papers on the desk and starts declaiming.
JUDGE CULLMAN
Well... «Ours not to reason why, ours but to do...»
Mortimer is very irritated by the Judge's erratic attitude. He
puts a pen in his hand.
MORTIMER
Sign right here, please, Judge. Excuse me. Right there.
JUDGE CULLMAN
Sometimes I think, with the world in its present chaotic
state...
Mortimer takes the pen from the Judge's hand and starts signing
the papers.
MORTIMER
Yes, I know, we'd all be better off at Happy Dale. I sign
here as next of kin, don't I ?
JUDGE CULLMAN
Only last week I created a mild sensation at the Bar
Association, when I said...
Mortimer dries the document, and shakes the Judge's hand.
MORTIMER
Yes. Goodbye. Good luck, Judge. Thank you.
He walks to the door of the office.
JUDGE CULLMAN
Tell Martha and Abby I'll be over this week. I've been
feeling rather lonely.
Mortimer comes back on his steps.
MORTIMER
No ! No ! Oh no ! Never tell them you've been lonely.
Never !
JUDGE CULLMAN
Why, I... I... I...
Mortimer comes back to the Judge's desk.
MORTIMER
Judge ! Tell me, are you a drinking man ?
JUDGE CULLMAN
Why, no. I never indulge.
MORTIMER
Good ! Then you'll live longer.
He goes back to the door.
JUDGE CULLMAN
Of course a little wine now...
MORTIMER
No ! No ! For heaven's sake, no wine ! No wine !
He goes out, slamming the door behind him. The Judge looks
pensively at the door Mortimer just closed.
JUDGE CULLMAN
I may be committing the wrong Brewster.
The scene dissolves to :
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
The Brewster sister are sitting at the table with Doctor Einstein
and Jonathan. The dinner is finished, and both men are smoking.
ABBY
Well, I'm sure you both want to get to wherever you're
going.
The two sisters stands up from the table.
JONATHAN
My dear, sweet aunties, I'm so full of your delicious
dinner I'm unable to move a muscle.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yes, it's nice here.
Teddy comes out of his room on the balcony. He is still wearing
his colonial costume. He has a book in his hand and a spare pith
helmet under his arm. He rushes down the stairs.
TEDDY
I found it ! I found it !
He stops suddenly in the staircase.
TEDDY
Gentlemen, be seated.
Jonathan and Einstein pretend they are standing up, but they
immediately sit back in their chairs.
Teddy comes down the last steps and goes toward the table.
TEDDY
Here it is, gentlemen. The story of my life, my biography.
He puts the book on the table, in front of Einstein. It's open on
a page with a picture.
TEDDY
Here's the picture I was telling you about, General. Here
we are, both of us. President Roosevelt and General
Goethals at Culebra Cut. That's me, General, and that's
you.
Einstein looks at the picture.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
My, how I've changed !
TEDDY
Well, you see, that picture hasn't been taken yet. We
haven't even started work on Culebra Cut. We're still
digging locks. And now, General, we will both go to Panama
and inspect the new lock.
He gives the spare helmet to Einstein.
ABBY
No, Teddy. Not to Panama.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Oh, maybe some other time, Mister President. Panama is a
long ways off.
TEDDY
Nonsense ! It's just down in the cellar.
Jonathan, who hadn't seemed to be much interested by Teddy's
conversation, suddenly looks up.
JONATHAN
The cellar ?
MARTHA
Well, we let him dig the Panama Canal in the cellar.
TEDDY
General Goethals ?
Einstein slightly raises the hand holding the cigarette to his
forehead.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yes, sir.
TEDDY
As President of the United States, Commander in Chief of
the Army and Navy, and the man who gave you this job, I
demand that you accompany me on the inspection of the new
lock.
JONATHAN
Teddy ! I think it's time for you to go to bed.
TEDDY
I beg your pardon. Who are you ?
JONATHAN
I'm Woodrow Wilson. Go to bed.
TEDDY
No, you're not Wilson. But your face is familiar. Let me
see... You're not anyone I know now. Perhaps later, on my
hunting trip to Africa. Yes, you look like someone I might
meet in the jungle.
Jonathan starts standing up with a very menacing face.
ABBY
I think, perhaps, you had better go to bed, Teddy. He and
his friend want to get back to their hotel.
Jonathan sits back in his chair.
JONATHAN
General Goethals, inspect the canal.
Einstein stands up and takes his helmet.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
All right, Mister President, we go to Panama.
TEDDY
Bully, bully ! Follow me, General.
He opens the door to the cellar, then turns toward Einstein, taps
on the helmet Einstein is carrying and then on his own helmet.
TEDDY
It's down south, you know.
Einstein puts the helmet on his head. The helmet is too large for
him, and gets down on his eyes.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Oh !
Teddy starts going downstairs. Before following him, Einstein
turns around to the others.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Well, bon voyage !
He waves them goodbye and then follows Teddy downstairs.
Jonathan has remained seated, with both his aunts standing on the
other side of the table.
JONATHAN
Aunt Abby, I must correct your misapprehension. You talked
of our hotel. We have no hotel. We came here directly.
ABBY
This is not your home, and I'm afraid you can't stay here.
Jonathan stands up and looks menacingly at his aunts. While
talking, he moves closer to them. They look frightened.
JONATHAN
Doctor Einstein and I need a place to sleep. You remember
that, as a boy, I could be disagreeable. It would not be
pleasant for any of us if... but I don't have to go into
details, do I ?
MARTHA
Perhaps we'd better let them stay here tonight.
Einstein appears at the door of the cellar.
Scene 15 - Disposal of Mr. Spenalzo's Body
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 7
Hey, Johnny, Johnny. Come here. Quick.
He goes back down the stairs to the cellar.
JONATHAN
Oh, I forgot to tell you, Doctor Einstein and I are turning
Grandfather's laboratory into an operating room. We expect
to be very busy.
He goes to the cellar door.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - CELLAR - INTERIOR NIGHT
Einstein is on the staircase, halfway down to the cellar. On the
wall behind him, we see the shadow of Teddy digging.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Hey, Johnny, down here, what do you think I find ?
He takes off his helmet. Jonathan joins him on the stairs.
JONATHAN
What ?
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
The Panama Canal. And it just fits Mister Spenalzo. See the
hole he's digging. Four feet wide, six feet long. He just
fits ! You'd think he knew we were bringing Mister Spenalzo
along. That's hospitality.
Jonathan smiles and looks upstairs.
JONATHAN
Rather a good joke on my aunts. They're living in a house
with a body buried in the cellar.
Einstein laughs.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Hey, how do we get him in here ?
JONATHAN
Yes, we can't just walk Mister Spenalzo in through the
door. We'll bring the car up between the cemetery and the
house, and after they've gone to bed, we'll bring Mister
Spenalzo in through the window.
He goes back up the stairs. Einstein follows him. The shadow of
Teddy keeps on digging.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Hey, Johnny...
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Jonathan comes in through the cellar door, with Einstein following
behind him. His two aunts are still standing up in the room.
JONATHAN
We're moving the car behind the house. You'd better get to
bed.
He crosses the room with Einstein following him.
MARTHA
The car is all right where it is until morning.
JONATHAN
I don't want to leave it in the street. That might be
against the law.
He opens the front door, and gets out, still followed by Einstein.
MARTHA
Abby ! What are we going to do ?
ABBY
Well, we're not going to let them spend more than one night
in this house, for one thing. But what would the neighbors
think ? People coming in here with one face and going out
with another.
MARTHA
And what are we going to do about Mister Hoskins ?
ABBY
Oh ! Mister Hoskins ! It can't be very comfortable for him
in there. And he's been so patient, the poor dear. Well, I
think Teddy had better take Mister Hoskins downstairs right
away.
Teddy enters by the cellar door.
TEDDY
General Goethals was very pleased. He said the canal was
just the right size.
From the table, he picks up the book he had shown to Dr. Einstein,
and starts looking at it.
ABBY
Teddy ! Teddy, there's been another yellow-fever victim.
TEDDY
Dear me ! This will be a shock to the General.
ABBY
No, Teddy, we must keep it a secret.
MARTHA
Yeah !
TEDDY
A state secret ?
ABBY
Yes, a state secret.
MARTHA
Promised ?
TEDDY
You have the word of the President of the United States.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
He crosses his chest and spits on the floor. Then, he takes his
aunts in his arms.
TEDDY
Now, let's see. How are we going to keep it a secret ?
ABBY
Well, Teddy, I think you'd better get back down into the
cellar. And then, when I turn out the lights, when
everything's dark here, you come up and take the poor man
down to the canal. Now get along, Teddy.
Teddy crosses the room to the cellar door.
ABBY
And we'll come down later and hold services.
Teddy opens the door, and turns around.
TEDDY
Where is the poor devil ?
ABBY
(voice over)
In the window-seat.
TEDDY
It seems to be spreading. We've never had yellow fever
there before.
MARTHA
Abby. I've never even seen Mister Hoskins !
ABBY
Oh, my goodness! That's right, you were out. Well, you just
come right along and see him now. You know, he's really
very nice looking, considering that he's a Methodist.
Both sisters go to the window-seat and are ready to lift the lid,
when the drapes above the seat suddenly open wide, revealing a
very menacing Jonathan. The two sisters back off, frightened.
Jonathan slowly climbs in through the window, and stands up on the
window-seat.
JONATHAN
We're bringing the luggage through here.
He gets down from the window-seat. Then Einstein appears behind
the window, carrying a suitcase. Jonathan helps him to bring the
suitcase in the room.
ABBY
Jonathan, your room is waiting for you. You can go right
up.
Einstein, still outside the window, gives Jonathan another
suitcase.
JONATHAN
I'm afraid we don't keep Brooklyn hours. You two run along
to bed.
ABBY
Oh, but you must be very tired. Both of you. And we don't
go to bed this early.
JONATHAN
It's time I came home to take care of you.
Behind Jonathan, Einstein has come into the room and is closing
the window, and then the drapes.
JONATHAN
(to Einstein)
Take the bags upstairs.
Einstein takes the two suitcases and starts moving away.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
For the instruments, I'll come back later.
ABBY
Good night.
Einstein slightly bows to Abby.
JONATHAN
Now, we'll all go to bed.
ABBY
I'll wait until you're up and then turn out the lights.
Einstein has already almost reached the balcony. Martha starts
climbing, with Jonathan behind her.
JONATHAN
Run along, Aunt Martha. Just off the laboratory, Doctor.
Everybody reaches the balcony. Einstein disappears at the end of
the balcony, and Martha enters her room. Jonathan turns around and
looks down at Abby.
JONATHAN
All right, Aunt Abby.
ABBY
I'll be right up.
JONATHAN
Now, Aunt Abby ! Turn out the lights.
Abby goes to the switch near the front door, and switches the
lights off. The room is completely dark.
Scene 16 - Hidden Horrors in the Brewster House
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 9
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 8
Jonathan, who is still standing at the same place. Then, she
quickly enters the room she shares with her sister, who is holding
the door open for her.
Jonathan moves along the balcony and starts climbing the stairs to
the upper floor. He stops after a few steps, and sees the door of
his aunts' room opening slowly. Abby comes out.
JONATHAN
Aunt Abby.
Abby quickly goes back into the room and closes the door. Jonathan
resumes his climbing.
The camera moves down into total black darkness, and then into the
room, where we see some light underneath the cellar door. We hear
steps, and the door opens to reveal Teddy, still in his colonial
costume, but without the helmet. He stops a few seconds, then
starts crossing the room, only lit by light coming from underneath
the kitchen door. We hear the lid of the window-seat creaking, and
we guess Teddy has just opened it. Shuffling noises. Then we see
the shadow of Teddy carrying something apparently heavy. We hear
the cat screaming, and we guess Teddy must have stepped on its
tail. When Teddy comes into the light from the open door of the
cellar, we discover he is carrying a human body, which could only
be Mr. Hoskins' one taken from the window-seat. Teddy turns around
and starts going backward down the steps to the cellar. He stops a
few seconds to close the door. Then we hear noises of something
falling, and we guess that Teddy must have missed a step and
fallen all the way down to the cellar.
Black screen during one second.
Einstein is going down the staircase, lit only by a match he is
holding in his hand.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
He's all right, Johnny.
When he gets on floor level, he meets Jonathan.
JONATHAN
I'll open the window. You go round and hand him through.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
But he's too heavy for me.
He burns his finger and blows the match. The scene becomes
completely dark. We see only shadows.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
You go outside, Johnny, and push, and I'll stay here and
pull. And then together we take him down to Panama. Huh ?
JONATHAN
All right. We must be quick. I'll take a look around
outside the house. When I tap on the glass, you open the
window.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yeah.
Jonathan moves to the front door, opens it, stops to look around,
and then closes the door.
Einstein walks slowly in the room.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
It's dark in here.
He bumps into something. We hear the lid of the window-seat
creaking several times.
Einstein light another match, and we discover he has fallen into
the open window-seat, where he is now lying
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Where am I ? Oh, here I am.
He slowly gets out of the seat.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Who left this open ?
Jonathan taps on the window. Einstein blows the match and opens
the window.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Johnny ?
We see only shadows in the dark, but we guess Jonathan is handing
Mr. Spenalzo's corpse to Einstein, who will then put it in the
window-seat.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Okay, Johnny, wait a minute. Hand him over. Now I have him.
«Allez !» Up ! Now, wait a minute, Johnny. You lost a leg
somewhere. Hey, help me. He's so heavy. Now I have him. Now
I got him.
JONATHAN
Be careful.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Oh, but his shoe came off. Help me, Johnny. He's so heavy.
Now I've got him !
Knocking at the door.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Hey, Johnny, somebody's at the door. Go open, quick.
I'll manage Spenalzo. Go, quick !
Some more knocking. We hear the creaking of the lid of the window-
seat, and we guess Einstein is closing it.
The front door opens slowly, and Elaine enters the house.
ELAINE
Mortimer ! Aunt Abby !
We see the frightened face of Einstein.
ELAINE
(voice over)
Aunt Martha !
Jonathan enters through the front door left open by Elaine, closes
it and locks it.
ELAINE
(looking frightened)
Who is it ? Is that you, Teddy ?
JONATHAN
Who are you ?
ELAINE
I'm Elaine Harper. I live next door.
JONATHAN
What are you doing here ?
ELAINE
I came here to see my husband, Mortimer.
JONATHAN
Why did you say your name was Harper ?
ELAINE
Well, it is Harper. I mean, it's Brewster. I'm not very
used to it. I'm a brand-new Brewster.
Einstein goes to the front door and switches the lights on.
JONATHAN
Doctor !
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
It's all right, Johnny. It's okay.
Einstein has his little bottle in one hand, and, with the finger
of the other hand, he tries to explain to Jonathan that the corpse
is safely in the window-seat.
Jonathan looks at Einstein, and then goes across the room to look
around. He even moves the drapes of a window to look outside.
ELAINE
(voice over)
Maybe you'd better explain what you're doing here.
Jonathan keeps on checking around. He goes to the window above the
window-seat, and looks outside.
JONATHAN
We happen to live here.
He spots an orphan shoe on the floor and picks it up.
ELAINE
(voice over)
You don't live here. I've been in this house every day, and
I've never seen you before. Where are Miss Martha and Miss
Abby ? What have you done to them ?
Einstein tries to explain to Jonathan, without using words, that
the shoe belongs to the corpse in the window-seat.
JONATHAN
Perhaps we'd better introduce ourselves. May I present
Doctor Einstein ?
He puts the shoe on the table, then lifts the tablecloth to look
underneath it.
ELAINE
Doctor Einstein ?
JONATHAN
A surgeon of great distinction. And something of a
magician.
ELAINE
Now I suppose you're gonna tell me that you're Boris...
JONATHAN
(cutting her very harshly)
I am Jonathan Brewster.
ELAINE
Oh ! You're Jonathan.
Jonathan comes close to her and looks at her in such a strange way
that she starts walking backward.
JONATHAN
You've heard of me ?
ELAINE
Yes, they talk about you.
JONATHAN
What do they say about me ?
Scene 17 - Unexpected Homecoming
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
ELAINE
Oh, just that there's another brother named Jonathan,
that's all they say. Oh, that explains everything. Now that
I know who you are, I'll just be running along, if you'll
kindly unlock the door.
They move to the front door, beside which Einstein is standing,
smiling. Jonathan unlocks the door. He opens it a few inches, but
stands in the way of Elaine, ready to got out.
JONATHAN
«That explains everything.» Just what do you mean by that ?
Why do you come here at this time of night ?
ELAINE
Well, I just thought I saw Mortimer drive up. I suppose it
was you.
Jonathan slams the door and locks it.
JONATHAN
You thought you saw someone drive up ?
He walks menacingly toward her, and she starts walking backward
across the room.
ELAINE
Yes. Weren't you just outside ? Isn't that your car ?
JONATHAN
You saw someone at the car ?
ELAINE
Yes.
Einstein starts walking behind Jonathan.
JONATHAN
What else did you see ?
ELAINE
Oh, just that, that's all !
JONATHAN
I see. Is that why you came over here ?
ELAINE
Oh no, I came to see Mortimer. But if he's not home, I'll
run...
She tries to run away, but Jonathan grabs her arms and holds it
very firmly.
JONATHAN
You've given two names.
ELAINE
You're hurting me !
JONATHAN
I think she's dangerous.
Teddy comes in through the cellar door. He has his helmet back on
his head and wears heavy working gloves.
TEDDY
No visitors. It's going to be a private funeral.
He crosses the room and starts climbing the stairs. Both Jonathan
and Einstein are now holding Elaine.
ELAINE
Teddy ! Teddy, tell these men who I am !
Teddy stops a few steps from floor level.
TEDDY
Oh, that's my daughter, Alice.
ELAINE
Oh, no, Teddy ! Teddy !
TEDDY
Now, Alice, don't be a tomboy. Don't play rough with the
gentlemen.
He pulls out his imaginary sword and rushes up the stairs.
TEDDY
Charge !
He rushes into his room and slams the door.
ELAINE
Teddy !
Elaine starts screaming. Jonathan holds a handkerchief over her
mouth. Einstein runs to the front door and switches the lights
off.
JONATHAN
Doctor, the cellar.
ELAINE
Let go of me ! Let go of me !
The cellar door is opened, and we see the shadows of the two men
dragging Elaine down to the cellar.
MARTHA
What's the matter ? What's happening down there ?
The lights are switched back on, and we see Abby and Martha on the
balcony, just coming out of their room. They are both dressed in
black funeral clothes.
ABBY
What's the matter ? What are you doing there ?
Jonathan is coming alone out of the cellar.
JONATHAN
We caught a burglar, a sneak thief. Go back to your room.
ABBY
We'll call the police.
She starts going down the stairs, followed by Martha.
JONATHAN
I'll handle this. Go back to your room.
Abby stops at the top of the stairs.
JONATHAN
Do you hear me ?
Knocking on the door, followed by the doorbell. The two sisters
starts going down the stairs.
JONATHAN
Don't answer that.
Another doorbell. The two sisters are running downstairs.
JONATHAN
Don't answer that !
Elaine rushes through the cellar door, screaming. She runs into
Martha's arms, followed by Einstein.
ELAINE
Let go of me !
More knocking and ringing at the door. Abby goes and opens the
door. Mortimer enters the house..
MORTIMER
Where's Teddy ? Is he upstairs ?
Elaine rushes to Mortimer and holds him by the neck. He gets rid
of her.
MORTIMER
Never mind that now, darling, please.
He starts climbing the stairs and looks, surprised, at Martha.
MORTIMER
What are you doing with your best clothes on ?
He suddenly notices Jonathan's presence and stops mounting the
stairs.
MORTIMER
Holy... What's that ? What's that thing there that looks
like a cigar-store dummy ?
ABBY
It's your brother Jonathan, and this is Doctor Einstein.
MORTIMER
Aunt Abby, didn't I tell you not to let anybody in the
house ? Who did you say it was ?
ABBY
It's your brother, Jonathan !
Elaine grabs Mortimer's coat, and starts talking to him. So do
Abby and Martha on either side of him. Since the three of them are
talking together, it is impossible to understand what they say.
JONATHAN
I've come back home, Mortimer.
At the voice of Jonathan, the three women stop talking
MORTIMER
What ?
JONATHAN
I've come back home, Mortimer.
MORTIMER
«I've come back home, Mortimer.» Listen, it talks !
JONATHAN
Yes, I talk. Mortimer, have you forgotten the things I used
to do to you when you were tied to the bedpost ? The
needles under your fingernails.
Elaine grabs Mortimer's coat.
ELAINE
Mortimer, he...
MORTIMER
Wait a minute.
Mortimer walks closer to Jonathan.
MORTIMER
Holy mackerel ! It is Jonathan !
JONATHAN
I'm glad you remember, Mortimer.
MORTIMER
Yeah, I remember. How could I forget you ? Where'd you get
that face ? Hollywood ?
Jonathan is ready to fight with his brother. Einstein grabs his
arm to stop him and Abby comes between them.
ABBY
Oh, don't you two boys start quarreling again the minute
you've seen each other.
MARTHA
We invited Jonathan and Doctor Einstein to stay.
MORTIMER
What ?
MARTHA
Just for tonight.
MORTIMER
Oh no, you don't, I'm staying here tonight. In fact, I'm
staying here from now on.
Elaine taps on Mortimer's arm.
ELAINE
Mortimer, what about me ?
MORTIMER
There's no room for anybody else in the house.
(to Elaine)
Please, darling, just a moment.
(to Jonathan)
So take that little squirt and beat it !
(to Martha)
Now where's Teddy ? I've got to see him right away. Is he
upstairs ?
He starts climbing the stairs.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Mister Brewster ! We don't take up much room. Johnny can
sleep on the sofa, and I'll sleep on the window-seat.
MORTIMER
Nothing to...
Scene 18 - Chaotic Night at the Brewster Residence
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 8
MORTIMER
Window-seat ?
He comes back downstairs.
MORTIMER
Certainly not on the window-seat. I'm going to sleep on the
window-seat.
He crosses the room to sit on the window-seat.
MORTIMER
I'm going to sleep on the windows-eat from now on.
ELAINE
Mortimer !
Mortimer stands up and goes to Jonathan
MORTIMER
Now look. Now look, Jonathan. Now, be a good fellow. Here's
ten dollars. Go out and haunt yourself a hotel.
Jonathan throws Mortimer's money on the floor. Mortimer tries to
step on it, but instead, he steps on Jonathan's foot.
JONATHAN
Mortimer, you know what I do to people who order me around.
Einstein pulls Jonathan's sleeve.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Hey, Johnny. Mister Spenalzo.
Mortimer bends down to look at Jonathan foot, then he touches his
legs.
JONATHAN
What ?
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
What's going to happen to Mister Spenalzo ?
Mortimer takes a fork on the table and stabs Jonathan's leg with
it.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
We can't leave him here in the window-seat. Johnny ?
JONATHAN
Doctor, you know, Doctor, I've completely lost track of
Mister Spenalzo.
MORTIMER
Wait ! Who's this Mister Spenalzo ?
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
A friend of ours Johnny was looking for.
MORTIMER
Don't you bring anyone else in here. Now, come on, beat it,
both of you !
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
It's all right, Johnny. While we are packing, I'll tell you
about him.
Jonathan walks to the staircase, and starts going upstairs,
followed by Einstein. He stops a few steps before he reaches the
balcony.
JONATHAN
I'll take care of you, Mortimer, in just a little while.
He resumes his walking upstairs.
MORTIMER
How do you like that ? The guy stays away for twenty years
and picks tonight of all nights to come back. Oh, Elaine,
what are you doing here ?
She falls in his arms.
ELAINE
Mortimer !
MORTIMER
What's the matter, darling ?
ELAINE
I almost got killed.
MORTIMER
Killed ? Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha !
ABBY
Oh, no !
MARTHA
Oh, no ! It was Jonathan !
ABBY
He mistook her for a sneak thief.
MORTIMER
Oh, that.
Martha just found the shoe on the table and seems very intrigued
by it.
ELAINE
(voice over)
It was worse than that. He's some kind of a maniac.
Abby looks at the shoe, and seems also very intrigued. Martha
whispers something to her.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
I know, darling, I know.
ELAINE
(voice over)
Oh, Mortimer, I'm afraid of him.
MORTIMER
(voice over)
Oh, darling, don't worry about it. I'm here now. Now forget
it.
Abby whispers back to Martha, who puts the shoe back on the table.
The two sisters move away.
ELAINE
We were married today, we were going over Niagara Falls in
a barrel, your brother tries to strangle me, a taxi's
waiting, and now you want to sleep on a window-seat !
Mortimer hardly listens to her, but catches the last word.
MORTIMER
Window seat... Witherspoon. Darling, you'd better run along
home.
ELAINE
What ?
MORTIMER
Yes, yes. Go home like a good girl. I got things to do.
He sits at the desk and starts dialing on the telephone.
ELAINE
Mortimer ? But... but...
MORTIMER
No, no, please.
(in the phone)
Hello ? Operator ? Get me Happy Dale 2-7-0, please.
ELAINE
But, Mortimer, didn't you hear what I was just saying ?
MORTIMER
Yes, 2-7-0.
ELAINE
Your own brother Jonathan, he was trying to strangle me !
MORTIMER
Please ! This is important !
ELAINE
That ?
MORTIMER
Hello ? Oh, hello, Mr. Witherspoon ? This is Mortimer
Brewster.
WITHERSPOON'S OFFICE - INTERIOR NIGHT
Witherspoon is sitting behind his desk, the telephone receiver to
his ear.
WITHERSPOON
Yes, Mr. Brewster, yes.
He puts an effervescent pill in a glass of water.
WITHERSPOON
Well, I don't understand you.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Elaine is crying, standing near the desk, where Mortimer is still
on the telephone.
MORTIMER
(in the phone)
Look, look, I...
He raises his head to look at Elaine
ELAINE
He was going to kill me !
MORTIMER
(to Elaine)
Wait a minute, I can't hear the man.
(to Witherspoon on the phone)
What ? I've got the papers all drawn up. I know it's late,
but I want you to come down here and get my brother
immediately ! I's got to be done.
(to Elaine)
Please, darling, please.
WITHERSPOON'S OFFICE - INTERIOR NIGHT
WITHERSPOON
By the way, you've had the papers signed by your brother
and the doctor, of course ?
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer seems surprised by the question.
MORTIMER
Oh, the doctor ? Oh, holy mackerel ! I forgot the doctor !
Mortimer takes a piece of paper from the inside pockets of his
jacket and puts it on the desk. Elaine is still whining at his
side.
ELAINE
Mortimer !
MORTIMER
(yelling to Elaine)
Please, be quiet ! Can't you see I've got to get a doctor ?
(to Witherspoon on the phone)
Hello ? What kind of a doctor ? A family doctor ?
ELAINE
You can take your honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi,
your window-seat, and put them in a barrel, and push them
all over Niagara Falls !
She walks away
MORTIMER
(to the departing Elaine)
Thank you, darling. Thank you.
(to Witherspoon on the phone)
Oh, look, why don't you come down here anyway ? While
you're getting here, I'll get Teddy's and the doctor's
signatures both.
The front door slams violently. Mortimer turns around.
MORTIMER
Yeah. Elaine ! Elaine !
(to Witherspoon)
Yeah, I'll get both signatures. Yeah, well, come right
away.
He puts the phone down.
MORTIMER
Elaine ? What's the matter with her ?
He stands up and runs across the room to the window-seat.
MORTIMER
Oh, dear !
He kneels on the window-seat and looks through the open window.
Scene 19 - The Unmasking
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 9
Elaine ! Elaine !
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR NIGHT
Large shot of Reverend Harper's residence. Elaine enters the front
door, and slams the door behind her.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer is still looking through the open window.
MORTIMER
Elaine !
He enters back into the room, and sits on the window-seat.
MORTIMER
(whispering to himself)
Oh, let me sit down. Let me think about this thing. Doctor,
Teddy, signature...
He looks at the seat.
MORTIMER
Hoskins !
He remains seated a few seconds in deep thought, then he gives a
quick look outside the window, stands up and starts lifting the
lid. The lid creaks. Mortimer seems very surprised by what he sees
inside the seat. He opens the lid completely and let it rest on
the bottom of the window.
MORTIMER
Ye gods ! There's another one !
He closes the lid and walks across the room toward the kitchen
door.
MORTIMER
Aunt Abby ! Aunt Martha ! Come in here !
ABBY
(voice over from the kitchen)
We're busy.
MORTIMER
No, you come in here now !
Abby, still in funeral clothes, enters the room through the
kitchen door.
ABBY
Yes, dear, what is it ? Where's Elaine ?
MORTIMER
Wait a minute. Didn't you promise me not to let anyone in
the house while I was gone ?
ABBY
Jonathan just walked in.
MORTIMER
I don't mean Jonathan !
ABBY
And Doctor...
MORTIMER
And I don't mean Doctor Einstein ! Who is that in the
window-seat ?
ABBY
We told you. Mister Hoskins.
MORTIMER
He is not Mister Hoskins !
He opens the window-seat wide and let the lid rest on the bottom
of the window.
MORTIMER
There !
Abby walks to the window-seat and looks inside, surprised.
ABBY
Who can that be ?
MORTIMER
You're trying to tell me you've never seen that man
before ?
ABBY
I certainly am. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do ! It's
getting so anyone thinks he can walk in this house !
MORTIMER
Now, you look here, Aunt Abby. Don't you try to get out of
this ! That's another one of your gentlemen, and you know
it !
ABBY
Mortimer, how can you say such a thing ? That man's an
impostor. And if he came here to be buried in our cellar,
he's mistaken.
MORTIMER
You admitted to me you put Mister Hoskins in the window-
seat.
ABBY
Yes, I did.
MORTIMER
Well, this man couldn't have got the idea from Mister
Hoskins !
ABBY
Oh, no.
MORTIMER
By the way, where is Mister Hoskins ?
Mortimer starts looking around the room.
ABBY
He must have gone to Panama.
MORTIMER
What ? You buried him ?
ABBY
No, no, not yet. He's just down there waiting for the
services, poor dear. We haven't had a minute, what with
Jonathan in the house.
Mortimer suddenly realizes the corpse could be a «friend» of
Jonathan. He quickly closes the lid.
ABBY
Oh, dear. We've always wanted to hold a double funeral.
But I will not read services over a total stranger !
She walks back to the kitchen. Mortimer catches her.
MORTIMER
A total stranger. Aunt Abby, how can I believe you ? There
are twelve men down there, some you admit you poisoned
them !
ABBY
Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a
fib ! Martha !
She enters the kitchen.
ABBY
Martha ! Martha ! What do you think has happened ?
MORTIMER
«A fib !»
Mortimer starts dancing around the room. Then he hears a door
closing on the balcony, and he sits on the window-seat. We see
Jonathan on the balcony. He starts going downstairs. Mortimer goes
toward him.
MORTIMER
Jon... Oh-oh... Ah-ah...
JONATHAN
This may interest you, Mortimer. I've decided that we're
staying. And I've also decided that you're leaving, and I
mean now.
MORTIMER
Listen, handsome. I'm in no mood to debate the question.
Are you getting out, or am I throwing you out on your ear?
JONATHAN
I've led a strange life, Mortimer.
Abby comes in through the kitchen door, followed by Martha.
ABBY
Martha, you come straight along here. You just look and see
what's in that window-seat.
Jonathan and Mortimer both rushes across the room and sit on the
window-seat
MORTIMER
No. No, no, Aunt Abby, don't...
He stops when he realizes that Jonathan is sitting with him. He
suddenly understands the situation, and shows a broad smile to his
brother. He then stands up
MORTIMER
Jonathan, let Aunt Martha see what's in the window-seat.
Jonathan's face shows that he is no more so sure of himself.
MORTIMER
Aunt Abby, darling, I owe you an apology.
He kisses her on the forehead.
MORTIMER
I've got some very good news for you. Jonathan is leaving.
And he's taking Doctor Einstein and that cold companion
with him.
(to Jonathan)
Listen, Jonathan. You're my brother, you're a Brewster. So,
I'm giving you a chance to get away and take the evidence
with you. You can't ask for more than that. Well ?
Jonathan doesn't move from the window-seat.
MORTIMER
All right, in that case, I'll have to call the police.
He goes to the desk.
JONATHAN
Don't reach for the telephone. Remember, what happened to
Mister Spenalzo can happen to you, too.
Mortimer picks up the phone.
MARTHA
Spenalzo ?
ABBY
I knew he was a foreigner.
JONATHAN
Put down that telephone, Mortimer.
Jonathan puts his hand to his pocket, to take his gun. The
doorbell rings and we see a policeman's shadow through the frosted
glass. Jonathan stands up and Abby rushes to the door.
ABBY
Oh...
She opens the door on O'Hara. He is smiling and he's got his stick
in his hand.
O'HARA
Hello !
ABBY
Oh, Officer O'Hara !
O'HARA
I saw the lights and thought you might have sickness in the
house...
ABBY
No...
He looks around.
O'HARA
Oh, you got company ? Oh, I'm sorry I disturbed you.
He starts to walk back out, but Mortimer stops him.
MORTIMER
No ! Come in.
Scene 20 - Confrontation in the Sitting Room
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
Yes, do come in.
She closes the door behind him.
MARTHA
Come right in, Officer O'Hara. This is our nephew,
Mortimer.
They shake hands, both smiling.
O'HARA
Oh, pleased to meet you.
MORTIMER
And glad to see you, fellow.
ABBY
And this is another nephew, Jonathan.
O'HARA
Pleased to make your acquaintance. Hey, your face is
familiar. Haven't I seen a picture of you somewhere
before ?
JONATHAN
I don't think so.
O'HARA
I'll be running along.
MORTIMER
Oh, come on. What's the hurry ? Why don't you stick around
until my brother leaves.
O'HARA
I got to ring in, Mr. Brew... Say, you're not «the»
Mortimer Brewster, the book-writer and the dramatic critic,
are you ?
MORTIMER
Yes, why ?
O'HARA
Oh, what a break for me ! I'm a playwright.
MORTIMER
No ?
O'HARA
I'm working on a play now.
MORTIMER
You are ?
O'HARA
Yeah.
MORTIMER
Well, well, well ! Maybe I can help you with it.
O'HARA
Oh, would you ? Oh, what a break ! I get wonderful ideas,
but I can't spell them.
MORTIMER
You can't ?... Oh, I can spell like the dickens.
Constantinople ? Come on, come on, let's go into the
kitchen.
O'HARA
All right.
MORTIMER
You can tell me all about it.
(to Abby)
Couldn't you whip up a sandwich for Officer O'Hara ?
MARTHA
I hope you don't mind eating in the kitchen, Officer
O'Hara.
O'HARA
And where else would you eat ?
They all enter the kitchen, laughing, and leaving Jonathan alone
in the room. Mortimer lets them in, but comes back into the
sitting-room, closing the kitchen door behind him.
MORTIMER
(to the policeman and his aunts)
See you in a moment.
He crosses the room toward Jonathan
MORTIMER
Now, listen, Jonathan, this is your last chance. I'll keep
O'Hara busy in the kitchen and give you a chance to get
out. All three of you : you, Doctor Einstein and Spenalzo.
JONATHAN
Mortimer...
MORTIMER
Now if you don't leave here in five minutes, I'll bring in
Officer O'Hara, and introduce him to Mr. Spenalzo.
He opens the lid of the window-seat. But O'Hara comes into the
room and Mortimer quickly closes the lid.
O'HARA
Mister Brewster, my play takes place in...
Mortimer moves him back to the kitchen.
MORTIMER
I'll be right with you, O'Hara. Right with you. Right with
you. Just give me one moment.
Mortimer closes the door behind O'Hara and turns toward Jonathan.
MORTIMER
Now get going ! All three of you.
He enters the kitchen, and closes the door behind him. Einstein
arrives silently behind Jonathan and taps on this shoulder.
Jonathan turns quickly around. He then goes to the kitchen door
and comes back to Einstein.
JONATHAN
Doctor, this affair between my brother and myself has got
to be settled.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
But, Johnny, we've got trouble enough as it is. Come, let's
go.
JONATHAN
We're not going. We're going to sleep right here in this
house.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
What ? With a cop in the kitchen and Spenalzo in the
window-seat ?
JONATHAN
That's all he's got on us. We'll take Spenalzo and dump him
in the bay. After that, we're coming back here. Then if he
tries to interfere...
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
No, no, Johnny. No, please.
JONATHAN
Doctor, we've got a wonderful setup here. We can make a
fortune. Two old ladies as a front. Only Mortimer stands in
our way. I never did like Mortimer.
He goes toward the kitchen door. Einstein catches up with him.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
No, Johnny, please, take it easy. Please !
JONATHAN
Doctor, you know when I make up my mind...
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yeah, I know, when you make up your mind, you lose your
head. Look, Johnny, Brooklyn ain't a good setup for you.
Jonathan takes Einstein's hand, twists it and brings Einstein down
on the floor.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Okay, Johnny. Okay !
Jonathan releases Einstein's hand, who stands up to massage his
hand.
JONATHAN
Take the instruments and hide them in the cellar. Move
fast.
Einstein takes the suitcase and walks to the cellar. Jonathan
opens the lid of the window-seat.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - INTERIOR NIGHT
In the kitchen, the Brewster sisters are moving around the room,
preparing food on the table. Both men are standing up near the
table. O'Hara, without his cap on his head, has a sandwich in his
hand.
O'HARA
Mister Brewster, you don't know what goes on in Brooklyn.
MORTIMER
Oh, I don't know.
O'Hara picks up a cup on the table.
O'HARA
No. My mother was an actress.
MORTIMER
Oh ? Legitimate ?
O'HARA
Of course she was. She was my mother.
MORTIMER
Oh, excuse me.
O'HARA
Peaches La Tour was her name.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
The door to the cellar is open. Einstein rushes up from the
cellar. He looks a bit frightened.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Hey, Johnny, Johnny, come quick !
Jonathan, who was looking down into the open window-seat, stands
up.
JONATHAN
What's the matter ?
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
You know that hole in the cellar ?
JONATHAN
Yes.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Well, we got an ace in the hole.
Jonathan closes the window-seat, and walks toward the cellar.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - INTERIOR NIGHT
O'Hara is explaining something to Mortimer.
O'HARA
It's no fly-by-night idea. I've been working on this thing
for twelve years.
Mortimer, who had just heard the creaking of the lid of the
window-seat, turns back toward the policeman.
MORTIMER
Well, you have ?
O'HARA
Yeah.
MORTIMER
Well, rehash it in your mind. I'll be back in a minute.
O'HARA
Oh, swell.
MORTIMER
I like the first act.
O'HARA
But I didn't tell you the first act, Mister Brew... I...
Before he can finish his sentence, Mortimer is already out of the
room.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer enters the empty sitting-room. He goes to the window-
seat, opens it and talks to the corpse.
MORTIMER
No, I thought I told you...
He closes the lid, kneels on the seat and looks through the open
window.
Scene 21 - Confrontation and Dark Secrets
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 9
Jonathan ! Jonathan ! Jonathan !
Jonathan enters from the cellar, followed by Einstein.
JONATHAN
Yes, Mortimer.
Mortimer turns around and looks, surprised, at his brother. Then
he comes into the room
MORTIMER
What are you two doing still here ? I thought I told you to
beat it.
JONATHAN
We're not going.
MORTIMER
You're not going ?
JONATHAN
No.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
No.
MORTIMER
You stay out of this. All right, you asked for it.
He goes to the kitchen door, which he opens slightly.
MORTIMER
Officer O'Hara ?
O'HARA
(voice over from the kitchen)
Coming.
Mortimer comes back in the middle of the room.
JONATHAN
Now, if you tell O'Hara what's in the window-seat, I'll
tell him what's down in the cellar.
MORTIMER
Cellar ?
JONATHAN
There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be
very dead.
MORTIMER
What were you doing down the cellar ?
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
But what is he doing in the cellar ?
JONATHAN
Now what are you going to tell O'Hara ?
O'Hara comes into the room from the kitchen.
O'HARA
Hey, your aunts heard my opening, it's swell. They want to
hear the rest. Shall I bring them in here ?
He starts going back into the kitchen, but Mortimer stops him.
MORTIMER
No, no, no, no. You can't do that now. You'd better ring
in.
O'HARA
Oh, the heck with ringing in ! You got me rolling now.
I want to tell you the whole plot.
MORTIMER
You know, you can't tell me in front of those two fellas,
they wouldn't appreciate it.
O'HARA
Huh ? Hey, lowbrows, huh ?
MORTIMER
Let's go some place we can be alone. I'll meet you there
later.
O'Hara puts his cap back on his head.
O'HARA
Okay. Say ! How about the back room at Kelly's ?
MORTIMER
Kelly's ?
O'HARA
Yeah.
MORTIMER
Oh yeah, fine place for Bohemian atmosphere. Genius at
work.
He escorts O'Hara to the front door.
MORTIMER
You ring in and I'll meet you at Kelly's.
O'HARA
Fine.
MORTIMER
Fine.
JONATHAN
Why don't you both go down in the cellar ?
O'HARA
That's all right with me.
O'Hara starts moving toward the cellar, but Mortimer stops him.
MORTIMER
No, no, no. There's a much more literary atmosphere in
Kelly's, I assure you.
O'HARA
Okay.
MORTIMER
We'll meet later
O'HARA
This opening will kill you.
He opens the door and starts going out.
MORTIMER
You will.
O'HARA
I'm waiting to be born, you see, and the doctor comes in...
Mortimer, who was pushing O'Hara outside, suddenly slaps his
forehead with his hand.
MORTIMER
Oh, the doctor !
O'HARA
Yeah !
MORTIMER
Yeah. Now, Look, you ring in and I'll see you later.
O'HARA
Okay. You won't stand me up, will you, Mister Brewster ?
MORTIMER
No.
O'HARA
This is a great play, you'll like it. I'll see you down
there.
MORTIMER
Can't wait ! Can't wait !
Mortimer closes the door.
MORTIMER
Doctor, doctor. Where are those papers ? Oh, there they
are.
He goes to the desk and picks up his papers. He then turns to
Jonathan and Einstein, still standing by the cellar door.
MORTIMER
Oh, oh-oh ! You're smug, aren't you? You think you've got
it over me. But you haven't. You think I'm afraid to go to
the police about Spenalzo because you've got hold of
Hoskins. Well, I'm not !
He taps on his papers.
MORTIMER
The moment I get Spenalzo... I mean, the moment the doctor
signs this, I don't care who knows about him, Hoskins, I
mean. And you better feel the same way about Spenalzo. Yes,
Spenalzo !
He starts running upstairs.
JONATHAN
Where are you going ?
MORTIMER
To the Doctor. Where do you... Oh !
Mortimer stops and starts running downstairs, and then to the
front door.
MORTIMER
When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me !
He goes out and closes the door. Einstein takes a sip at his
bottle.
JONATHAN
We'll wait for him.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Did he look guilty !
The two sisters come out of the kitchen.
ABBY
Well, Martha, I think we can start the services now.
They stop when they see Jonathan and Einstein.
ABBY
Oh ! We thought we heard you leave.
JONATHAN
Perish the thought, dear aunties. That was just Mortimer.
And speaking of services, Aunt Martha, will you make us
some coffee while we take Mister Spenalzo down to the
cellar ?
MARTHA
Oh, no. No, Jonathan. You've got to take him with you !
Jonathan opens the lid of the window-seat.
JONATHAN
There's a friend of Mortimer's downstairs waiting for him.
ABBY
A friend of Mortimer's ?
JONATHAN
Take his feet, Doctor. Mister Spenalzo and he will get
along fine together. They're both dead.
The two men bend down to take the corpse out of the window-seat.
MARTHA
Oh ! He must mean Mister Hoskins.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Mister Hoskins ?
The two men stand up and look at the sisters. Jonathan comes
closer to them.
JONATHAN
You know about what's down there ?
ABBY
Of course we do. And he's no friend of Mortimer's. He's one
of our gentlemen.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Your gentlemen ?
MARTHA
Yes. And we won't have any strangers buried in our cellar.
JONATHAN
But Mister Hoskins ?
MARTHA
Mister Hoskins is no stranger.
ABBY
Besides, there's no room for Mister Spenalzo. The cellar's
crowded already.
JONATHAN
Crowded ? With what ?
ABBY
There are twelve graves down there now.
The two men look at each other. Jonathan seems the most surprised.
JONATHAN
Twelve graves.
ABBY
That leaves very little room and we're going to need it.
JONATHAN
You mean that you and Aunt Martha have murdered twelve...
ABBY
Murdered ? Certainly not. It's one of our charities.
MARTHA
Why, what we've been doing is a mercy.
Scene 22 - Murderous Madness at the Brewster House
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 9
So you just take your Mister Spenalzo out of here.
They turn to Einstein, who has seated himself and is laughing his
head off.
JONATHAN
You've done all that right here in this house and buried
them in the cellar ?
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
That's wonderful, Johnny !
He stands up.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
We've been chased all over the world, and they stay right
here in Brooklyn, and they do just as good as you do.
JONATHAN
What ?
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yeah. You got twelve, they got twelve.
Jonathan grabs Einstein by his shirt.
JONATHAN
I've got thirteen.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
No, Johnny, twelve. Don't brag.
JONATHAN
Thirteen.
They both starts counting on their fingers.
JONATHAN
There's Mister Spenalzo. Then the first one in London.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yeah.
JONATHAN
Two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two
in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Phoenix ?
JONATHAN
The filling station.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Filling st... Oh, yes.
He mimes the gesture of one having his throat cut.
JONATHAN
Three in Chicago and one in South Bend. That makes
thirteen.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of
pneumonia.
JONATHAN
He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
No, no, Johnny, you cannot count him. You got twelve, they
got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are.
Both sisters seem very happy by Einstein's statement. They smile.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
They are, are they ? That's easily taken care of. All I
need is one more. That's all. Just one more. And I've a
pretty good idea who it is.
He looks menacingly at his two aunts, who do not smile anymore.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - EXTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer is walking along the gate of the churchyard, dragging Dr.
Gilchrist with him. Gilchrist is trying to tie his necktie while
walking. Apparently, Mortimer didn't let him dress completely when
he took him out of his home.
MORTIMER
I'm a very lucky man to have caught you at home, Doctor
Gilchrist.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
This is most irregular, most irregular.
MORTIMER
I'm sorry to have dragged you out of bed, but, you see,
you're the only one who can help me.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
I know Teddy blows bugles, but I can't commit a man to an
institution just on that.
MORTIMER
Oh, well, if only you had a little talk with him, I assure
you you'd be convinced by him. Here's the house I...
They stop walking when they hear hymns sung by the Brewster
sisters.
MORTIMER
There goes Hoskins.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
Who ?
Mortimer looks embarrassed : he doesn't want to explain to the
doctor who Hoskins is.
MORTIMER
What ? What ? Did I say... Oh, I...
He moves the doctor to the entrance of the churchyard.
MORTIMER
Now, you better wait.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
Here ?
MORTIMER
Yes, I'll bring Teddy out. Well, you see, I wouldn't want
to alarm the old ladies, you know, seeing a doctor and
everything. You wait here, huh ?
He helps him finish tying his necktie.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
In the cemetery ?
MORTIMER
Yeah, that'll be good.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
It's Halloween.
MORTIMER
Oh, don't worry about that. At Halloween, the pixies won't
be out till after midnight. Now look, you wait here. Make
yourself comfortable. Pull up a tombstone. I'll be right
back.
He moves away to the house, and passes near the taxi, still
waiting.
CAB DRIVER
Hey, 22.50 !
MORTIMER
What ?
CAB DRIVER
22.50 !
MORTIMER
Oh, yes, looks good on you !
He hasn't stop walking, and goes into the house. The driver, who
had been following him, stops near the entrance of the house.
CAB DRIVER
Yeah ! Not the suit, the meter ! «Looks good on me.»
22.50 !
A quick shot of Dr. Gilchrist waiting, frozen and slightly
frightened.
Then back on the entrance of the house, near which the driver is
still standing. Teddy and Mortimer come out of the house. Teddy is
back in his President Roosevelt costume.
TEDDY
Did you give him a twenty-one-gun salute ?
MORTIMER
Yes, with a Maxim silencer.
The driver catches up with them.
CAB DRIVER
Hey, you. Five more bucks and you'll own it.
Mortimer and Teddy don't stop walking. The driver follows them.
MORTIMER
Oh no, thanks. It wouldn't fit me.
The two men reach the place where Dr. Gilchrist is waiting.
MORTIMER
Oh, Mister President, may I have the pleasure...
Teddy seems very happy to meet Dr. Gilchrist, and shakes his hands
vigorously.
TEDDY
Doctor Livingstone !
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
Livingstone ?
MORTIMER
(to the doctor)
Well, that's what he presumes.
(to Teddy)
Mister President, the doctor would like to have a few words
with you in private.
He bows slightly.
TEDDY
Certainly. Welcome to Washington, doctor.
He shakes his hand again, then puts his arm around the doctor's
shoulders and moves away with him into the churchyard.
TEDDY
Arlington is beautiful at this time of year, is it not,
doctor ?
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
Yes, indeed.
The doctor looks back at Mortimer, seeming a little frightened.
Mortimer remains alone, with the papers in his hand. We still hear
the hymns sung by the Brewster sisters in the background.
MORTIMER
Well now, that's that. It gives me a chance to rest.
He sits down on a tombstone.
Reverse shot on Reverend Harper's house. Elaine opens the window
of her room.
Back to Mortimer seated on his tombstone. A little further behind
him, we see Teddy and the doctor talking.
MORTIMER
Well, so far, so good.
He stands up.
MORTIMER
Not so good.
He runs to Elaine's window.
The cab driver looks at the scene with intrigued eyes.
Mortimer is now outside Elaine's window.
ELAINE
Do you or do you not love me ?
MORTIMER
Oh, Elaine. Elaine, how can you say such a thing ? Darling,
of course I love you.
ELAINE
Do you ?
Scene 23 - Insanity Unveiled
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 7
MORTIMER
Yes, darling.
ELAINE
Hey, then why have you been treating me the way you have ?
MORTIMER
Oh, Elaine.
He moves slightly away from her.
MORTIMER
Elaine, Elaine, darling, I love you so much, I can't go
through with our marriage.
She goes slightly back into her room.
ELAINE
Have you suddenly gone crazy ?
MORTIMER
No, no, I don't think so, but it's only a matter of time.
Now, look, darling, you wouldn't want to have children
with three heads, would you ? I mean, you wouldn't want to
set up housekeeping in a padded cell.
ELAINE
What are you talking about ?
MORTIMER
Well, I don't quite know really. Look, I probably should
have told you this before, but you see... well, insanity
runs in my family.
We hear very clearly the Brewster sisters singing their hymns.
MORTIMER
It practically gallops.
ELAINE
Oh, darling, just because Teddy's a little strange, that
doesn't mean...
MORTIMER
Oh no, darling, no, no. It's way back before Teddy. No,
this goes back to the first Brewster, the one who came over
on the Mayflower. Yeah. You know, you know how in those
days the Indians used to scalp the settlers ? Well, he used
to scalp the Indians.
Elaine bends out of her window to hug Mortimer.
ELAINE
Darling, that's ancient history.
Medium shot on the doctor and Teddy walking arm in arm among the
tombstones.
TEDDY
Yes, Doctor, I'll run for a third term, but I won't be
elected. And that'll mean the last of the Roosevelts
in the White House.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
That's what you think.
TEDDY
Of course, if the country insists...
Back to Elaine's room window. The young couple is still talking on
either side of the window.
ELAINE
Oh, darling, all this doesn't prove a thing. Look at your
aunts. They're Brewsters, aren't they ? They're the
sweetest, sanest people I've ever known.
MORTIMER
Yeah.
He turns around to listen to his aunts singing their hymns.
MORTIMER
Well, even they have their peculiarities.
ELAINE
What of it ? So your family's crazy. So you're crazy.
That's the way I want you, the way I love you. I'm crazy
too, but kiss me.
MORTIMER
No, no. I... Ohhh !
Mortimer hesitates a little and then gives a passionate kiss to
Elaine.
Back to Teddy and the doctor. Teddy is vigorously shaking the
doctor's hand.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
Goodbye, Ambassador. I've enjoyed this little talk very
much. Anytime you're in Washington, drop in to see me at
the White House.
He walks away, leaving the doctor very shaken by the experience.
The doctor runs to Mortimer, still outside Elaine's window and
kissing her passionately. The doctor clears loudly his throat to
attract Mortimer's attention.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
Those papers. Those papers.
MORTIMER
Go away.
Mortimer suddenly realizes what the doctor is talking about.
MORTIMER
Oh, papers ! Papers ! Yes.
He pulls the papers from his jacket pocket, and gives them to the
doctor.
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
I'll enjoy committing him to any place.
MORTIMER
You will ?
DOCTOR GILCHRIST
I've just been appointed Ambassador to Bolivia !
MORTIMER
Ah, you see ? Didn't I tell you ?
Elaine suddenly slams her window down... on Mortimer's fingers !
Mortimer yells because of the pain. The doctor looks up from the
papers. Elaine also shut the inside shade down, shutting the room
completely from the outside world.
MORTIMER
No. Don't worry about that. Just go on signing the papers.
Oh dear. Thank you.
Mortimer blows on his hurt fingers, then grabs the papers from the
doctor and runs away.
MORTIMER
Okay, thank you.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Close-up on the empty window-seat, where just remains Mr.
Spenalzo's hat.
From the open cellar door, Martha is coming out, followed by Abby.
They are still dressed in their funeral clothes.
ABBY
All right ! All right ! We'll find out whose house this
is ! I'm warning you, you better stop it. There's no use
doing what you're doing, because it'll just have to be
undone.
JONATHAN
(voice over from the cellar)
Aunt Abby, go to bed !
ABBY
It's a terrible thing to do to bury a good Methodist with a
foreigner.
Mortimer comes rushing into the room with the papers in his hand.
MORTIMER
Hello.
He blows on the papers to dry the ink of the signature.
ABBY
Mortimer, where have you been ?
Mortimer starts running upstairs.
MORTIMER
Uh-uh ? Oh, I was getting some papers signed. Is Teddy in
his room ?
MARTHA
Oh, Mortimer, what is the matter with you ? Running around
getting papers signed at a time like this.
ABBY
Martha and I are going for the police.
MORTIMER
Police !
He quickly get back downstairs
MORTIMER
Oh-oh-oh ! Wait-wait-wait ! You can't go for the police.
MARTHA
Oh, no ? You know what Jonathan's doing ?
ABBY
He's putting Mister Hoskins and Mister Spenalzo in
together.
MORTIMER
Oh, darling, let him.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - CELLAR - INTERIOR NIGHT
Einstein just finished working, and he is cleaning the bottom of
his pants. We notice he is wearing Mr. Spenalzo's shoes. A shovel
is resting on the wall near him.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
This is all fixed up nice now. Nice and smooth like a lake.
The President will be very proud of his Panama Canal.
He stretches himself
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Oh, Johnny, bed feels good already. You know, we didn't get
any sleep for forty-eight hours.
Jonathan walks behind him, carrying a shovel. He puts the shovel
down against the wall and start mounting the stairs
JONATHAN
You're forgetting, Doctor.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
What ?
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - INTERIOR NIGHT
Mortimer is trying to calm his aunts down
ABBY
Now, look. If Jonathan and Mister Spenalzo aren't out this
house before morning, we're going for the police.
MORTIMER
Yeah, but I'll get them out, I promise you that !
Scene 24 - Mortimer's Ignorance and Impending Danger
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 9
Then you get the wedding silver.
MORTIMER
Yes, but remember, no police ! No police ! All right.
He starts mounting the stairs.
MORTIMER
There's a thing. Look, go to bed, will you ? Fine. Get out
of those clothes ! You two look like a double blackout.
He reaches the balcony.
BREWSTER RESIDENCE - CELLAR - INTERIOR NIGHT
Jonathan is standing on the bottom of the cellar staircase.
JONATHAN
My brother, Mortimer.
He goes back down in the cellar toward Einstein, who has his
bottle in his hand.
JONATHAN
I just heard him upstairs.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
No, no, no ! I am tired. You forget, I got to operate on
your face tomorrow.
He sits down on the bottom steps of the stairs.
JONATHAN
(voice over. We just see his shadow on the wall behind
Einstein)
You are going to operate tomorrow, Doctor. But tonight we
are taking care of Mortimer.
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
No, but Johnny, not tonight ! I'm sleepy. We'll do it
tomorrow. Or the next day.
JONATHAN
(voice over from the shadow on the wall)
Look at me, Doctor. You can see that it's got to be done,
can't you?
DOCTOR EINSTEIN
Yeah, I know that look.
JONATHAN
(voice over from the shadow on the wall)
It's a little late to dissolv