The Wolf of Wall Street

- Scenes
- Characters
- Script
- Writer Craft

Executive Summary

Poster

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Overview

Genres: Drama, Crime, Comedy, Thriller, Biography, Romance, Dark Comedy

Setting: 1987 to 1998, Primarily set in New York City and surrounding areas, including Wall Street, upscale restaurants, and luxurious homes.

Overview: The Wolf of Wall Street follows the tumultuous rise and fall of Jordan Belfort, a stockbroker who ascends from a middle-class background to immense wealth and a lavish lifestyle through his brokerage firm, Stratton Oakmont. The story begins with Jordan's introduction to the chaotic world of Wall Street, where he quickly becomes enamored with the adrenaline of trading and the allure of money. As he partners with Donnie Azoff and recruits his friends, they engage in increasingly reckless and illegal activities, driven by greed and addiction. The narrative escalates as Jordan's extravagant lifestyle leads to personal and legal troubles, culminating in a confrontation with the FBI. Ultimately, Jordan must confront the consequences of his actions and the moral decay that accompanies his pursuit of the American Dream.

Themes: The American Dream and its Corruption, Greed and Its Consequences, Addiction and its Impact on Relationships, The Power of Persuasion and Manipulation, The Price of Success, Loyalty and Betrayal, The Justice System and its Imperfections

Conflict and Stakes: Jordan's struggle with his self-destructive behavior, legal troubles, and the impact on his relationships, particularly with Naomi, as he navigates the high-stakes world of finance.

Overall Mood: Chaotic and exuberant, with moments of dark humor and tension.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

Scene 1: The opening scene sets a chaotic and exuberant tone, reflecting the wild lifestyle of the stockbrokers.

Scene 10: The mood shifts to tense and confrontational as Jordan faces the consequences of his actions during a heated argument with Naomi.

Scene 20: The emotional tone is somber and reflective as Jordan contemplates his legal troubles and impending imprisonment.

Standout Features:

Unique Hook: The film's portrayal of the chaotic and hedonistic lifestyle of stockbrokers, providing a behind-the-scenes look at Wall Street's excesses.

Major Twist: Jordan's eventual downfall and legal troubles serve as a stark contrast to his earlier success, highlighting the consequences of his actions.

Distinctive Setting: The vibrant and chaotic atmosphere of the Stratton Oakmont bullpen, showcasing the frenetic energy of the stock market.

Innovative Ideas: The use of dark humor to address serious themes of greed and moral ambiguity, making the story both entertaining and thought-provoking.

Comparable Scripts:

The Wolf of Wall Street

American Psycho

Boiler Room

The Big Short

Catch Me If You Can

Wall Street

The Social Network

Mad Men

Scarface

Writing Style:

The screenplay's writing style is characterized by sharp dialogue, intense character interactions, and a focus on moral ambiguity and power dynamics. It leans heavily towards fast-paced storytelling, often utilizing high-stakes situations and conflict to drive the narrative.

Style Similarities:

Martin Scorsese
Aaron Sorkin
Quentin Tarantino
David Mamet

Other Similarities

Pass/Consider/Recommend

See full Analysis

Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$20-30 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-45, particularly those interested in biographical dramas, financial thrillers, and stories of excess and downfall.

Marketability: The screenplay's exploration of the high-stakes finance world, combined with its dark humor and compelling characters, is likely to attract a broad audience and generate significant buzz.

The film's themes of greed and excess resonate with contemporary societal issues, making it relevant and appealing to modern viewers.

The unique blend of comedy and drama, along with the real-life inspiration, enhances its marketability, especially among fans of biographical films.

Profit Potential: High, due to the film's appeal to a wide audience, potential for strong box office returns, and opportunities for awards recognition.

See Overview

Analysis Criteria Percentiles

What this means: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a darkly humorous and cynical tone, a fast-paced narrative, sharp and witty dialogue, and a focus on the excesses and moral ambiguity of the financial world.

Best representation: Scene 1 - The Thrill of Excess. This scene is the best representation of the author's voice because it effectively establishes the tone, style, and themes of the screenplay. It blends fast-paced dialogue, vivid descriptions of excess and decadence, and a darkly humorous tone that perfectly encapsulates the characters' ambition, greed, and recklessness. The scene also foreshadows the moral ambiguity and internal conflicts that will drive the story forward. It provides a glimpse into the chaotic and seductive world of Wall Street, showcasing the writer's ability to create a compelling and engaging narrative.

Memorable Lines:

Jordan: Money is the oxygen of capitalism and I wanna breathe more than any other human being alive. (Scene 2)

Jordan: My name is Jordan Belfort. No, not him, me. I’m a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens. (Scene 1)

Jordan: THE SHOW GOES ON!! (Scene 35)

Jordan Belfort: If you wanna party with the boys, you gotta wake up with the men. (Scene 13)

Jordan: Sell me this pen. (Scene 46)

Characters

Jordan Belfort:A charismatic and ambitious stockbroker whose rise to wealth is marked by excess, greed, and eventual downfall.

Naomi:Jordan's glamorous wife, who becomes increasingly disillusioned with his reckless lifestyle and infidelity.

Donnie Azoff:Jordan's close friend and business partner, known for his wild behavior and loyalty to Jordan.

Max Belfort:Jordan's father, who represents traditional values and expresses concern over Jordan's extravagant lifestyle.

Agent Denham:An FBI agent investigating Jordan's illegal activities, representing the law and consequences of Jordan's actions.

See Characters and Arcs

Story Shape

Summary The screenplay follows the wild and chaotic rise and fall of Jordan Belfort, a charismatic stockbroker who indulges in a hedonistic lifestyle fueled by drugs, sex, and wealth. From his reckless beginnings at Wall Street brokerage firm Stratton Oakmont to his extravagant life of excess, Jordan navigates the high-stakes world of finance with charm and manipulation. However, as legal troubles and betrayals mount, Jordan's empire crumbles, leading to a dramatic downfall that culminates in his imprisonment for fraud. Despite his flamboyant charisma, Jordan must confront the consequences of his actions, ultimately facing a harsh reality as he loses everything. The screenplay portrays a captivating and chaotic journey through the tumultuous world of finance, highlighting the allure and destructiveness of unchecked ambition.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay effectively portrays the rise and fall of Jordan Belfort, a charismatic stockbroker who embodies the excesses of Wall Street. The story captures the thrill of his initial success, the moral compromises he makes, and the inevitable consequences of his actions. The screenplay is well-paced and engaging, utilizing flashbacks and voiceovers to provide context and depth to Jordan's journey. The ensemble cast of supporting characters, including Donnie Azoff, Mark Hanna, and Naomi, adds layers of complexity and intrigue to the story. The screenplay effectively depicts the dark side of wealth and ambition, highlighting the corruption and moral decay that can occur within a world of greed and excess. However, the screenplay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the characters' motivations and internal conflicts. While the characters' transformations are evident, their struggles and growth could be further developed to create a deeper connection with the audience. Additionally, the screenplay could explore the ethical and social implications of Jordan's actions more thoroughly, providing a more critical commentary on the culture of Wall Street during that time. Overall, the screenplay is a compelling and entertaining story about ambition, greed, and the consequences of unchecked power, but it could be elevated by a more in-depth exploration of character development and thematic depth.

Suggestions: 1. **Develop the characters' motivations and internal conflicts:** Explore the characters' internal struggles and desires more thoroughly. Delve deeper into Jordan's vulnerabilities, anxieties, and moral dilemmas. Give Naomi a more complex backstory and explore her motivations for staying with Jordan. Develop Donnie's character arc, highlighting his internal conflicts and the impact of his choices on his relationships. 2. **Explore the ethical and social implications of Jordan's actions:** Provide a more critical commentary on the culture of Wall Street and the impact of Jordan's actions on others. Explore the systemic corruption that fuels his rise to power. 3. **Deepen the emotional impact:** Introduce scenes that showcase the characters' vulnerabilities and the consequences of their actions on their relationships. Explore the emotional toll of Jordan's choices, particularly on his wife and children. 4. **Refine the climax and resolution:** Explore more nuanced consequences for Jordan's actions. Consider adding a scene where he reflects on his past and his transformation. 5. **Develop the ending:** The ending of the story feels somewhat rushed. Consider adding a scene where Jordan reflects on his time in prison and the lessons he has learned. Explore how he uses his past experiences to inspire others.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

Beginning The screenplay effectively establishes Jordan Belfort as a charismatic and ambitious protagonist, capturing his early success and the allure of Wall Street. The opening scenes showcase the chaotic and morally ambiguous world he inhabits, while introducing a range of colorful characters that contribute to the film's energy and intrigue. The screenplay effectively utilizes visual elements and Jordan's voiceover to establish his personality and aspirations, creating a compelling and engaging opening. However, the screenplay could benefit from a more nuanced portrayal of Jordan's internal conflicts and motivations. While his ambition is clear, the screenplay could delve deeper into the psychological impact of his early success and the moral compromises he begins to make. Additionally, the introduction of supporting characters like Donnie and Naomi could be further developed to create a stronger sense of their relationships with Jordan and their own motivations. The screenplay's opening lacks a clearly defined hook or central conflict that drives the narrative forward. While Jordan's ambition is evident, the initial scenes lack a sense of urgency or a significant obstacle that would propel him toward his ultimate goals. Overall, the screenplay's beginning is a promising introduction to the world of Jordan Belfort, but it could be enhanced by a more in-depth exploration of character development and the establishment of a clear narrative driving force.

Suggestions: 1. **Establish a clear hook and conflict:** Introduce a specific challenge or conflict that drives Jordan's ambition and sets the stage for his subsequent choices. This could be a personal goal he's striving for, a financial setback that pushes him to take greater risks, or a rival who challenges his dominance in the world of stock trading. 2. **Develop the supporting characters:** Introduce Donnie and Naomi more fully, giving them more distinct personalities and motivations. Highlight their relationships with Jordan and how those relationships evolve as the story progresses. 3. **Explore Jordan's internal conflicts:** Incorporate scenes that delve into Jordan's inner thoughts and feelings, exploring the moral dilemmas he faces and the psychological impact of his choices. 4. **Consider a flashback:** A flashback scene that depicts a formative moment in Jordan's past could provide valuable context for his current actions and aspirations. 5. **Enhance the visual storytelling:** Use more striking visual imagery to create a stronger sense of the world Jordan inhabits, including the luxurious lifestyle, the frenetic energy of Wall Street, and the darker consequences of his choices.

Middle The screenplay effectively portrays Jordan's descent into a world of greed and excess, showcasing the consequences of his actions on both his personal life and his professional relationships. The screenplay is particularly effective in depicting the chaos and moral ambiguity of Stratton Oakmont, a brokerage firm where Jordan's ambition and illegal activities flourish. The screenplay skillfully uses flashbacks and voiceovers to provide context for Jordan's actions, revealing his past struggles and the influences that shaped his personality. However, the screenplay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of Jordan's internal conflicts and the emotional toll of his choices. While Jordan's reckless behavior is evident, the screenplay could delve deeper into his feelings of guilt, regret, and the impact of his actions on those around him. Additionally, the screenplay could explore the consequences of Jordan's actions on others more thoroughly, particularly the impact on his wife, Teresa, and the employees of Stratton Oakmont. The screenplay lacks a strong sense of moral complexity and ambiguity, portraying Jordan's descent into crime as a predictable outcome of his ambition. The screenplay could benefit from exploring the gray areas of his choices, presenting arguments for and against his actions, and showcasing the internal struggle he faces as he grapples with his own moral compass. Overall, the screenplay effectively captures the chaotic and morally ambiguous world of Wall Street, but it could be enhanced by a more profound exploration of the characters' motivations, the consequences of Jordan's actions, and the moral complexities of his choices.

Suggestions: 1. **Deepen the emotional impact of Jordan's choices:** Incorporate scenes that highlight the emotional toll of Jordan's choices on his relationships. Explore his feelings of guilt and regret, and the impact of his actions on those around him, particularly his wife and children. 2. **Explore the consequences of Jordan's actions on others:** Showcase the impact of his illegal activities on employees of Stratton Oakmont, clients, and the broader financial system. 3. **Develop the moral complexities:** Introduce scenes or characters that challenge Jordan's worldview and make him question his choices. Explore the gray areas of his actions, presenting arguments for and against his behavior. 4. **Introduce a moral foil:** A character who represents a contrasting perspective on ethics and ambition could provide a counterpoint to Jordan's choices and create a more nuanced moral landscape. 5. **Explore the impact of the legal system:** Incorporate scenes that delve into the consequences of Jordan's actions from a legal perspective, highlighting the ethical dilemmas faced by law enforcement and the complexities of the legal system.

Ending The screenplay effectively portrays the consequences of Jordan Belfort's actions, showcasing his downfall and the price he pays for his greed and recklessness. The screenplay skillfully uses flashbacks and voiceovers to provide context for Jordan's journey, culminating in a moment of reckoning as he faces the consequences of his choices. The screenplay also effectively portrays the emotional toll of his actions on those around him, particularly his wife, Naomi, and his employees. However, the screenplay's ending feels somewhat rushed and could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of Jordan's transformation. While his cooperation with the authorities and his subsequent career as a motivational speaker are depicted, the screenplay could delve deeper into his internal struggles, his feelings of guilt, and the process of his redemption. The ending also lacks a clear resolution to the conflict between Jordan and Naomi, leaving their relationship in a somewhat ambiguous state. Overall, the screenplay effectively showcases the consequences of Jordan's actions and the fall from grace he experiences, but it could be more impactful by providing a more in-depth exploration of his internal struggles, his relationship with Naomi, and the ultimate impact of his actions.

Suggestions: 1. **Develop Jordan's transformation:** Incorporate scenes that explore Jordan's internal struggles as he confronts his past and tries to atone for his actions. Show his efforts to rebuild his life and make amends for his mistakes. 2. **Refine the resolution of Jordan's relationship with Naomi:** Provide a more definitive resolution to their relationship, exploring their feelings and the challenges they face. 3. **Explore the impact of Jordan's actions on others:** Showcase the impact of his actions on his employees, family, and the wider community. 4. **Consider an epilogue:** An epilogue could provide a sense of closure to the story, exploring Jordan's life after prison and the lasting impact of his actions. 5. **Enhance the emotional impact:** Incorporate scenes that showcase the emotional weight of Jordan's choices and the consequences of his actions. This could involve scenes where he confronts his victims or reflects on the damage he has caused.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall Grade	Concept	Plot	Originality Score	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - The Wild Jungle of Wealth	Humorous, Sarcastic, Satirical	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	6	7	7	8	7	7	7	9	9	8	8
2 - The Thrill of Excess	Dark, Hedonistic, Paranoid, Confident	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	8	8	7	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
3 - The Thrill of the Trading Floor	Manic, Sarcastic, Excited	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	8	8	8	8	7	6	9	9	9	8	8
4 - The Allure of Wall Street	Intense, Cynical, Dark	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	7	9	9	9	8	8
5 - From Struggles to Success	Intense, Ambitious, Confident	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	6	9	9	9	8	8
6 - The Birth of a Partnership	Intense, Dark, Cynical	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	7	9	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
7 - Ambition and Doubt	Cynical, Sarcastic, Reflective	8	8	7	8	9	6	8	7	7	7	7	8	7	6	8	9	9	8	8
8 - The Art of Manipulation	Intense, Manipulative, Persuasive	8	8	7	8	8	7	8	9	8	8	9	9	7	6	9	9	9	9	9
9 - The Art of Persuasion	Intense, Manipulative, Confident	8	8	7	8	8	5	8	7	8	8	9	8	7	6	9	9	9	9	9
10 - Celebration of Excess	Outrageous, Sensational, Irreverent	9	8	8	9	9	7	8	7	7	7	9	8	8	8	8	9	9	8	8
11 - Chaos and Consequences at Stratton Oakmont	Dark, Humorous, Satirical	8	8	7	9	8	6	7	6	7	7	7	8	8	6	7	9	8	8	8
12 - Dwarfs and Debt	Sarcastic, Cynical, Humorous	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
13 - Rallying the Brokers	Celebratory, Confident, Humorous	8	7	7	8	8	4	8	7	3	7	6	7	7	6	8	9	8	9	9
14 - Desire Amidst Chaos	Humorous, Sarcastic, Seductive	8	7	7	9	8	6	8	7	6	7	7	8	7	7	9	9	8	8	8
15 - Temptation in the City	Romantic, Seductive, Tense	8	8	7	8	9	7	7	8	7	8	6	7	7	9	8	9	8	9	9
16 - Beneath the Surface	Dramatic, Intense, Emotional	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	7	8	8	7	7	8	9	7	9	8	8	8
17 - Betrayal in the City	Intense, Violent, Confrontational, Dark	9	8	9	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	8	9	8	9	8	9	8	8	8
18 - Chaos in the Bullpen	Humorous, Dramatic, Sarcastic	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	7	9	8	7	7	7	9	9	8	8
19 - Waves of Celebration and Conflict	Humorous, Dramatic, Romantic	8	7	8	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	8	8	8	7	9	9	9	9
20 - Confrontation of Betrayal	Tense, Emotional, Confrontational	8	7	8	9	9	8	8	7	9	7	7	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	8
21 - Seduction and Surveillance	Seductive, Tense, Emotional	8	8	7	9	9	7	8	7	8	8	7	7	8	9	8	9	8	8	8
22 - A Fishy Display of Dominance	Chaotic, Humorous, Confrontational	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	7	7	8	8	6	7	9	9	8	8
23 - From Heckling to Hustle: The Madden Stock Rally	Motivational, Intense, Humorous	9	8	8	9	7	6	8	9	7	8	7	8	8	8	9	9	9	9	9
24 - High Stakes and Legal Shadows	Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Serious	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
25 - The Yacht Encounter	Confrontational, Sarcastic, Intense, Humorous	9	9	8	9	9	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	8	9	9	8	8	8
26 - Chaos in Transit	Humorous, Chaotic, Intense	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	8	8	6	7	9	9	8	8
27 - Secrets and Strategies in Saurel's Office	Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Humorous	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	8	7	9	9	8	6	9	9	8	8	8
28 - Flirtation and Illicit Plans	Tense, Conflicted, Secretive, Intimate	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	7	8	7	7	8	7	9	8	8	8
29 - Cash Conflicts at the Beach House	Dark, Humorous, Tense	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	8	7	9	8	8	6	9	9	8	8	8
30 - Money and Mayhem	Tense, Humorous, Chaotic	8	8	7	9	8	5	8	7	9	8	7	8	9	6	7	9	8	8	8
31 - Urgent Call in the Basement	Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic	8	7	8	8	8	6	8	7	8	7	7	7	7	7	7	9	8	8	8
32 - Descent into Chaos	Intense, Suspenseful, Chaotic, Desperate	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	8	7	9	9	8	8
33 - Frantic Rescue	Frantic, Chaotic, Humorous	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	8	8	8	7	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
34 - Crossroads of Recklessness	Intense, Tense, Reflective	8	8	7	9	7	7	8	7	7	7	9	8	8	6	6	9	8	8	8
35 - The Show Goes On	Motivational, Reflective, Celebratory	9	9	8	9	9	8	8	7	7	7	7	9	7	9	8	9	9	8	8
36 - Legal Troubles and Personal Tragedies	Chaotic, Intense, Humorous	8	8	8	9	7	6	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	7	7	9	9	8	8
37 - Inheritance on the Horizon	Tense, Frantic, Desperate, Sarcastic	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	9	7	8	9	9	9	8	8
38 - Stormy Descent	Tense, Chaotic, Intense, Dramatic	8	8	8	9	7	7	8	9	9	8	9	8	8	8	6	9	9	8	8
39 - Ambition Over Dinner	Serious, Reflective, Informative	8	8	7	9	8	7	8	7	7	7	8	8	7	7	7	9	8	8	8
40 - Legal Turmoil and Betrayal	Dramatic, Intense, Dark, Humorous	8	7	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	7	9	9	7	8	7	9	9	8	8
41 - Beneath the Surface	Tense, Reflective, Supportive	8	8	8	9	8	7	8	7	7	8	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	8	8
42 - Divided by Optimism	Serious, Intense, Emotional	8	7	8	8	9	8	8	7	8	7	9	8	7	9	9	9	9	8	8
43 - Shattered Bonds	Intense, Emotional, Confrontational	9	8	9	9	9	9	8	7	10	8	9	9	8	10	8	9	8	8	8
44 - Desperate Escape	Tense, Chaotic, Intense, Dramatic	9	8	9	9	8	8	8	7	9	8	9	9	8	9	8	9	9	8	8
45 - The Fall of Jordan Belfort	Tense, Dramatic, Reflective	8	8	7	9	7	8	8	7	8	7	9	7	8	9	6	9	8	8	8
46 - The Pen Challenge	Motivational, Reflective, Serious	8	8	7	8	7	7	8	7	4	7	3	6	7	6	7	9	8	9	9

Scene 1 - The Wild Jungle of Wealth

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET

Written by

Terence Winter

Based on the book
by

Jordan Belfort

White Shooting Script - September 7th, 2012
Blue Revised Pages - September 25th, 2012
Pink Revised Pages - October 9th, 2012
Yellow Revised Pages - October 15th, 2012
Green Revised Pages - October 16th, 2012
Goldenrod Revised Pages - October 19th, 2012
Buff Revised Pages - March 5th, 2013
1 INSERT - TV COMMERCIAL - DAY 1

Over jungle sound effects, the CAMERA is low, moving
through brush from the POV of a stalking animal. As the
brush parts, revealing Wall Street and the New York Stock
Exchange, we HEAR the resonant voice of GENE HACKMAN.

GENE HACKMAN (V.O.)
The world of investing can be a
jungle.

1A WE SEE a charging, snorting BULL. 1A

GENE HACKMAN (V.O.)
Bulls.

1B WE SEE a ferocious, growling BEAR. 1B

GENE HACKMAN (V.O.)
Bears. Danger at every turn.

Pretentious CLASSICAL MUSIC kicks in.

GENE HACKMAN (V.O.)
That’s why we at Stratton Oakmont
pride ourselves on being the best.

1C-1D VARIOUS SHOTS -- a conservative young MAN reviews a stock 1C-1D
portfolio with a wealthy older COUPLE; a smiling young
WOMAN sits before a computer talking into a headset.

GENE HACKMAN (V.O.)
Trained professionals to guide you
through the financial wilderness.

1E WE SEE the Stratton “team” - an ethnically diverse group 1E
of ACTORS with their handsome, grey-templed “CHAIRMAN”.

GENE HACKMAN (V.O.)
Stratton Oakmont. Stabilty.
Integrity. Pride.

1F WE SEE a shot of the black glass Stratton Building, and: 1F

2 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - DAY (FEB ‘95) 2

Absolute bedlam. 300 drunken STOCKBROKERS, most in their
early 20s, chant wildly as JORDAN BELFORT, handsome, 30,
stands beside a DWARF dressed in tights, cape & helmet.

JORDAN
Twenty five grand to the first
cocksucker to nail a bullseye!

The “bullseye” is a large dollar sign in the middle of a
giant velcro “dartboard”.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 2.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Watch and learn, people!

The Brokers go apeshit as Jordan grabs the Dwarf by his
pants and collar. In the Crowd, cash flies as side bets
are made. Jordan winds up, aims for the “dartboard”.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
One. Two. Throw!!

The Brokers cheer, and as the screaming Dwarf takes
flight, hurtling toward camera, we FREEZE FRAME:

JORDAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
My name is Jordan Belfort. No, not *
him, me. I’m a former member of *
the middle class raised by two
accountants in a tiny apartment in
Bayside, Queens.

3-3B A SERIES OF POLAROIDS -- (1969) 3-3B
*

Jordan, 7, smiles as he poses behind a lemonade stand,
his parents Max and Leah behind him; Jordan, 13, stands
holding a styrofoam cooler, selling ices on the beach;
Jordan, 18, smiles as he holds an Amway sales brochure.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The year I turned 26, I made 49
million dollars as the head of
my own brokerage firm--

4 EXT. LONG ISLAND EXPRESSWAY - DAY (FEB ‘95) 4

A CHERRY RED Ferrari Testarossa ZOOMS down the L.I.E.

JORDAN (V.O.)
--which really pissed me off
because it was three shy of a
million a week.

The Ferrari weaves in and out of traffic.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Hey, my Ferrari was white, like
Don Johnson’s in Miami Vice.

We see the same Ferrari, now in WHITE, as it zooms away,
a BLONDE head bobbing up and down in Jordan’s lap.

5 EXT. LONG ISLAND’S NORTH SHORE - DAY (FEB ‘95) 5

A twin-engine Bell Jet helicopter descends over a huge
mansion, with sparkling pool, tennis court and waterfall.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 3.

JORDAN (V.O.)
See that humongous estate down
there? That’s my house.

6 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (FEB ‘95) 6

We see NAOMI, 24, blonde and gorgeous, a living wet dream
in LaPerla lingerie.

JORDAN (V.O.)
My wife, Naomi, the Duchess of Bay
Ridge, Brooklyn, a former model
and Miller Lite girl.

Naomi licks her lips; she’s incredibly, painfully hot.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Yeah, she was the one blowing me
in the Ferrari, so put your dick
back in your pants.

Over the following, WE SEE a quick

7-7C SERIES OF SHOTS 7-7C

All taken from TV; a mansion from Lifestyles of the Rich
and Famous; wealthy PEOPLE applauding at a polo match;
a yacht sailing crystal blue seas; Robert Wagner and
Stephanie Powers toasting with champagne on Hart to Hart.

JORDAN (V.O.)
In addition to Naomi and my two
perfect kids, I own a mansion,
private jet, six cars, three
horses, two vacation homes and
a 170 foot yacht.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary The scene begins with a TV commercial narrated by Gene Hackman, illustrating the financial world as a chaotic jungle. It then shifts to the bustling bullpen of Stratton Oakmont, where Jordan Belfort leads a drunken dart-throwing contest involving a dwarf, showcasing the reckless culture of the stockbrokers. Through voiceover, Jordan recounts his rise from a middle-class background to immense wealth, highlighting his extravagant lifestyle with visuals of his mansion and Ferrari. The tone is exuberant and chaotic, reflecting the hedonistic lifestyle embraced by the characters.

Strengths

Engaging introduction of characters and themes
Humorous and satirical tone
Visually captivating

Weaknesses

Potential glorification of excess and unethical behavior

Critique

The opening scene effectively sets the tone for the film, using the metaphor of a jungle to describe the chaotic world of investing. However, the transition from the commercial to the chaotic bullpen could be smoother to maintain the viewer's engagement.
The use of Gene Hackman's voiceover is a strong choice, as it adds gravitas and a sense of authority to the narrative. However, the voiceover could benefit from being more concise, as some lines feel repetitive and could be trimmed to enhance pacing.
The introduction of Jordan Belfort is compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into his character. While we see his extravagant lifestyle, it would be beneficial to hint at his motivations or insecurities to create a more complex character from the outset.
The chaotic atmosphere in the bullpen is well depicted, but the scene risks overwhelming the audience with too much information at once. Consider focusing on a few key characters or moments to ground the chaos and make it more relatable.
The use of humor, particularly with the dwarf and the dart-throwing contest, is a bold choice that sets the film's irreverent tone. However, it may come off as insensitive to some viewers. It’s important to balance humor with sensitivity to ensure it resonates positively with the audience.
The freeze frame and voiceover combination is a classic technique, but it may feel clichéd to some viewers. Finding a more innovative way to introduce Jordan's backstory could enhance the originality of the scene.

Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Jordan during the chaos, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level before diving into the wild antics.
Streamline the voiceover to focus on key points that highlight Jordan's ambition and the stakes of his world, avoiding redundancy to keep the audience engaged.
Introduce a secondary character who can serve as a foil to Jordan, providing contrast and depth to his character while also grounding the chaotic environment.
Incorporate visual storytelling elements that show the consequences of the brokers' actions, hinting at the darker side of their lifestyle to create a more nuanced portrayal.
Reassess the humor involving the dwarf to ensure it aligns with the overall tone of the film and does not alienate viewers. Consider using humor that highlights the absurdity of the situation without crossing into potentially offensive territory.

Scene 2 - The Thrill of Excess

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

8 INT. HOTEL BEDROOM - NIGHT (FEB ‘95) 8

Sweaty, wild-eyed and naked, Jordan fucks an HISPANIC
HOOKER from behind.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I also gamble like a degenerate,
drink like a fish, fuck hookers
maybe five times a week and have
three different Federal agencies
looking to indict me.

He dismounts, snorts some coke through a straw, then uses
it to blow some into her asshole.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Oh yeah, and I love drugs.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 4.

Jordan looks up suddenly, paranoid, as if he’s hearing
voices.

9 INT. HELICOPTER - NIGHT (FEB ‘95) 9

Jordan, drooling and stoned out of his skull, wears a
rumpled custom-made business suit as he mans a set of
controls next to his frantic co-pilot, CAPTAIN DAVE.

CAPTAIN DAVE
Pull up! Jesus! We’re gonna
crash!!

Jordan’s head bobs as he pulls back on the stick.
The helicopter rises sharply, then levels out, hovering
30 feet above a huge mansion. Down below, through
Jordan’s hazy, DOUBLE VISIONED POV, we see a sparkling
pool, tennis court and waterfall.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Check this out -- despite my
completely fucked-up state, I
could fly straight while still
seeing two of everything.

He closes one eye; his POV sharpens. Putting pressure on
the stick, the helicopter descends slowly over the
driving range... then LURCHES and SLAMS to the ground.

JORDAN
(to Captain Dave)
Ya guzza git hazarous doozy pay,
buddy.

10 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - FRONT DOOR - DAY (FEB ‘95) 10

Morning. Sober now, impeccable in suit and tie, Jordan
heads for the door holding a glass of orange juice.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Yes, on a daily basis I take
enough drugs to sedate greater
Long Island.

11 EXT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - CONTINUOUS (FEB ‘95) 11

He pops two white pills, swigs some juice, then speaks
directly to the camera as he heads for a waiting limo.

JORDAN
I take Quaaludes for my back,
fifteen to twenty a day.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 5.
JORDAN (CONT'D)
I use Xanax to stay focused,
ambien to sleep, pot to mellow
out, cocaine to wake up and
morphine because it’s awesome.

12 EXT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - LONG ISLAND - DAY (FEB ‘95) 12

The limo pulls up to the black glass office building.
Jordan gets out, heads inside through a back door.

JORDAN
But of all the drugs under God’s
blue heaven, there’s one that’s my
absolute favorite.

13 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY (FEB ‘95) 13

Gadgets, computers, oxblood leather furniture. With
the DIN of the brokerage firm bleeding in, Jordan uses
a credit card to cut a line of coke on his desk. As he
peels a crisp $100 DOLLAR BILL off a wad, rolls it up:

JORDAN
Enough of this shit’ll make you
invincible, able to conquer the
world and eviscerate your enemies.

He SNARFS up the line, gestures to the cocaine.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
I’m not talking about this. I’m
talking about this.
(Jordan unfurls the
$100 with a SNAP)
Money is the oxygen of capitalism
and I wanna breathe more than any
other human being alive.

He crumbles it into a ball and tosses it into a corner,
where it comes to rest with two dozen others. Over his
back as we TRACK HIM out of his office toward what sounds
like the ROAR of a mob--

JORDAN (V.O.)
Money doesn’t just buy you a
better life -- better food, better
cars, better pussy -- it also
makes you a better person. You
can give generously to the church
of your choice or the political
party. You can save the fucking
spotted owl with money.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 6.

14 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - DAY (FEB ‘95) 14

Arms akimbo, Jordan stands above the bullpen, a huge open
space with tightly packed rows of maple colored desks.

JORDAN (V.O.)
But most of all, in any country in
the world, money can buy you love.
Fuck the Beatles.

His 300 BROKERS, mostly young men with their jackets off,
scream wildly. They worship him.

JORDAN (V.O.)
With that in mind, at the tender
age of 22, after marrying my
girlfriend Teresa--

14A SCENES 14A - 18 OMITTED 14A

19 EXT. WALL STREET - DAY (MAY ‘87) 19

An express bus pull up -- its sign reads “Wall
Street”....

JORDAN (V.O.)
--I headed to the only place that
befit my high-minded ambitions...

Jordan emerges, kisses TERESA goodbye, then joins a sea
of Commuters heading to work.

JERRY FOGEL (PRE-LAP)
You are lower than fucking pond
scum.

Genres: ["Drama","Biography","Crime"]

Summary In this chaotic scene, Jordan indulges in a reckless lifestyle marked by drug use and gambling, beginning with a sexual encounter with a hooker. His hedonism escalates during a perilous helicopter ride, where he endangers himself and others while under the influence. The morning after, Jordan appears sober and impeccably dressed, reflecting on his obsession with money as he heads to his office. He asserts that wealth is essential for success and happiness, ultimately showcasing his power over his brokers, reinforcing the allure of his extravagant lifestyle.

Strengths

Compelling character exploration
Dark and hedonistic tone
Effective setup of themes and conflicts

Weaknesses

Graphic drug use may be off-putting to some audiences

Critique

The scene effectively establishes Jordan's hedonistic lifestyle and sets the tone for his character's reckless behavior. However, the explicit nature of the sexual act and drug use may alienate some viewers, potentially overshadowing the narrative's deeper themes of excess and moral decay.
The voiceover provides insight into Jordan's mindset, but it risks becoming repetitive. The audience may benefit from more varied expressions of his thoughts, perhaps through interactions with other characters or visual storytelling, rather than relying solely on voiceover.
The transition between the hotel bedroom and the helicopter scene is abrupt. While it showcases Jordan's chaotic life, a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative. Consider using a visual motif or thematic element that connects the two settings more cohesively.
The portrayal of the hooker and the drug use, while fitting the character's lifestyle, could be seen as objectifying and may detract from the audience's ability to empathize with Jordan. Balancing the depiction of his vices with moments of vulnerability or reflection could create a more nuanced character.
The dialogue, particularly in the helicopter scene, feels exaggerated and cartoonish. While this may be intentional to emphasize Jordan's drug-induced state, it risks undermining the tension of the moment. Striking a balance between humor and seriousness could enhance the impact of the scene.

Suggestions

Consider incorporating more visual storytelling elements to convey Jordan's mindset and lifestyle, such as quick cuts to his extravagant possessions or chaotic parties, rather than relying heavily on voiceover.
Introduce a secondary character in the hotel scene who reacts to Jordan's behavior, providing a contrasting perspective that could deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the consequences of his actions.
Explore the emotional ramifications of Jordan's lifestyle by including brief moments of introspection or regret, which could add depth to his character and make him more relatable to the audience.
Refine the dialogue in the helicopter scene to maintain the comedic tone while ensuring it doesn't detract from the tension. Consider using more realistic language that reflects the high-stakes situation.
Enhance the transitions between scenes to create a more fluid narrative. For example, using sound design or visual motifs that echo from one scene to the next can help maintain the audience's engagement.

Scene 3 - The Thrill of the Trading Floor

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

20 INT. L.F. ROTHSCHILD - BULLPEN - DAY (MAY ‘87) 20

Computers, telephones everywhere. At their desks, 45
shirt-sleeved BROKERS read their Wall St. Journals,
readying for war. Like an eager puppy, Jordan follows
broker JERRY FOGEL, 30, thick-lipped and bow-tied...

JERRY FOGEL
You got a problem with that?
(reads name tag)
Jordan?

JORDAN
Nope. No problem at all.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 7.

JERRY FOGEL
Your job is ‘connector’, which
means you'll be dialing the phone
over 500 times a day, trying to
‘connect’ me with business owners.
And till you pass your Series 7,
that’s all you’ll be doing. Sit.

Jordan takes a seat at the desk next to Fogel’s.

JERRY FOGEL (CONT’D)
Just so you know, last year I made
over 300k and the other guy you'll
be working for made a million.

JORDAN (V.O.)
A million dollars? I could only
imagine what a douchebag that guy
must be.

A manicured hand lands on Jordan’s shoulder. It’s MARK
HANNA, 30s, charismatic, movie-star handsome.

MARK HANNA
Jordan? Mark Hanna.
(re: Fogel)
Good, you’ve met Jerry. One of
the smartest guys in the office.
Who’s ever sucked a dog’s cock out
of loneliness.

Fogel’s smile turns to a frown. He hands Jordan a stack
of 3x5 index cards.

JERRY FOGEL
Smile and dial. And don’t pick
your fucking head up till one.

MARK HANNA
Don’t mind Jerry, his father raped
him as a child. Besides, I'm
senior broker here, he's a
worthless piker. I heard you
pitched stock at your job
interview.

JORDAN
Had to do something to stand out.

MARK HANNA
I fuckin’ love that! Let’s grab
lunch later. Windows good with
you?

JORDAN
Great. Yeah.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 8.

Hanna gives him a wink, looks at the clock on the giant
electronic stock ticker encircling the room -- 9:30 a.m.

MARK HANNA
Let’s fuck!!

RING!!! Absolute pandemonium at the BELL signalling the
opening of the stock market. Feet fly off desks; Brokers
and their Connectors dial phones like mad. The CAMERA
PUSHES IN on JORDAN, mesmerized as he takes in the ROAR.

BROKER #1
(to Broker #2)
Miniscribe's a fuckin’ steal!
Thirty eight bucks a share!

MARK HANNA
(into headset)
Your broker in West Virginia?
What are you buying, a coal mine?
It's the 80s, the game is high-
tech.

BROKER #2
(to Broker #3)
Fuckface! I got 50,000 July 50s!

JORDAN (V.O.)
You want to know what money sounds
like? Visit a trading floor on
Wall Street. Fuck this, shit
that. Cock, cunt, asshole. I
couldn’t believe how these guys
talked to each other--

Fogel notices Jordan sitting there frozen. He covers his
mouthpiece, kicks the desk violently.

JERRY FOGEL
Dial the cocksucking phone!

Jordan snaps out of it, starts dialing.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I was hooked within seconds.

Mark Hanna slams down his phone in victory, scrawls out a
“buy” ticket. He places the ticket into a glass cylinder
which he slips into a plastic pneumatic tube.

JORDAN (V.O.)
It was like mainlining adrenaline.

The tube is WHOOSHED into the ceiling and we’re suddenly--
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 9.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a bustling Wall Street brokerage office in May 1987, Jordan is introduced to his role as a 'connector' by the stern broker Jerry Fogel. He soon meets the charismatic Mark Hanna, who contrasts Fogel's strictness with his carefree attitude. As the stock market opens, chaos erupts with brokers making frantic calls, and Jordan becomes captivated by the high-energy environment, realizing he is hooked on the adrenaline of trading. The scene highlights the conflicting approaches to success between Fogel and Hanna, culminating in Jordan fully immersing himself in the frenetic world of Wall Street.

Strengths

Dynamic dialogue
Vivid characters
Engaging setting

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Slightly chaotic pacing

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of a Wall Street trading floor, immersing the audience in the high-stakes environment. The use of dialogue and voiceover provides insight into Jordan's character and his initial impressions of the brokerage world.
The contrast between Jerry Fogel's stern demeanor and Mark Hanna's charismatic, brash attitude is well-executed, showcasing the different personalities within the brokerage. This dynamic sets the stage for Jordan's journey and the influences he will encounter.
Jordan's voiceover is a strong narrative device that allows the audience to understand his thoughts and feelings, but it could benefit from more specificity about his motivations and aspirations. While he expresses a desire for wealth, delving deeper into his emotional state could enhance character development.
The dialogue is sharp and often humorous, but some lines, particularly those from Mark Hanna, may come off as overly crude or gratuitous. While this reflects the culture of the brokerage, balancing humor with character depth could create a more nuanced portrayal.
The pacing of the scene is frenetic, which is appropriate for the setting, but it risks overwhelming the audience. Careful attention to the rhythm of dialogue and action could help maintain clarity while still conveying chaos.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of reflection for Jordan amidst the chaos, allowing the audience to see his internal conflict or excitement more clearly. This could deepen the emotional impact of his initial experience on the trading floor.
Explore the relationships between the characters further. For instance, a brief exchange between Jordan and Fogel could highlight the tension between the old guard and the new, providing context for Jordan's ambitions.
While the crude humor is fitting for the environment, consider varying the types of humor used. Incorporating moments of genuine camaraderie or competition among the brokers could add depth to their interactions.
To enhance the visual storytelling, consider using more dynamic camera movements or angles that reflect the chaos of the trading floor. This could help convey the frenetic energy without relying solely on dialogue.
Ensure that the voiceover complements the action rather than distracts from it. Streamlining some of the voiceover lines could help maintain focus on the visual elements of the scene.

Scene 4 - The Allure of Wall Street

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

21 INT. WINDOWS ON THE WORLD - DAY (MAY ‘87) 21

CLOSE ON a COKE SPOON whose contents disappear up a
nostril. PULL BACK TO REVEAL...

The lunchtime power spot with panoramic views of the
city. At a corner table, a paranoid Jordan looks around
as Hanna does another bump of coke. None of the other
DINERS seem to notice or care.

MARK HANNA
(offering the spoon)
Got enough for one more? Tootski?

JORDAN
No. Thanks though.

Hanna slips the vial into his pocket as HECTOR, the
tuxedoed Maitre’D, approaches.

HECTOR
Mr. Hanna, what can I bring for
you on this glorious afternoon?

Hanna surreptitiously palms Hector a $100; Jordan
notices.

MARK HANNA
Here’s the game plan, Hector.
Bring us two Absolut Martinis
straight up. Precisely seven and
a half minutes after you deliver
those you’ll bring two more, then
two more every five minutes until
one of us passes out.

HECTOR
An excellent strategy, sir.

JORDAN
Actually, I’m good with 7-Up.

Jordan might as well have farted at the table.

MARK HANNA
First day on Wall Street, Hector.
Give him time.
(Hector offers menus)
No thanks, I’m not eating.

Hector heads off.

JORDAN
You can get high during the day
and still function?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 10.

MARK HANNA
High is the only way to do this
fucking job. Guy who coined the
term “three-martini lunch” was a
woman. Cocaine and hookers, my
friend, the keys to success.

Jordan smiles, not sure if Hanna is kidding.

JORDAN
I gotta say, I’m really excited
about being part of your team.
I wanna do all I can for our
clients and --

MARK HANNA
(reciting an ad)
“Here at L.F. Rothschild, our
clients aren’t just important,
they’re family.” Just as long as
we get our taste first. Remember
something, Jordan, your top
priority in this job: make us
money. If the clients get rich
along the way, bully for them.
Got a girlfriend?

JORDAN
Wife. She cuts hair.

Mark swallows a comment about that. Gets to business.

MARK HANNA
OK, first rule of Wall Street.
Nobody -- and I don’t care if
you’re Warren Buffet or Jimmy
Buffet -- nobody knows if a
stock’s going up, down or fucking
sideways, least of all stock
brokers. But we have to pretend
we know. Make sure you stay
relaxed. Nobody wants to buy
something from someone who sounds
like they haven’t gotten laid in a
month. Take breaks when you feel
stressed, jerk off if you can.
You like jerking off, right?

JORDAN
Well... sure.

MARK HANNA
Good, jerking off is key. And I
highly recommend cocaine, which
will make you dial faster, which
is good for me. Churn ‘em and
burn ‘em, baby.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 11.

A BUSBOY stops by with a fresh napkin for Mark who thanks
him. Then, discreetly as possible, Mark removes a fresh
vial of cocaine tucked within and takes a quick snort.
Jordan realizes: that’s why he palmed the maitre d’ $100.

JORDAN (V.O.)
For the next six months I learned
the ways of Wall Street.

22 INT. STRIP CLUB - NIGHT (OCT ‘87) 22

As STRIPPERS grind in b.g, Jordan parties with Mark Hanna
and dozens of BROKERS and TRAINEES. Jordan sips a
martini and studies Mark Hanna, hitting on a STRIPPER.

JORDAN (V.O.)
That fall I passed my Series 7.
Finally it was here.

23 INT. ROTHSCHILD BUILDING - LOBBY - DAY (OCT ‘87) 23

Briefcase in hand, Jordan boards the elevator with a
dozen other BROKERS.

JORDAN (V.O.)
My first day as a stockbroker, a
future Master of the Universe.

And as the doors close, on screen WE SEE:

OCTOBER 19th, 1987

24 INT. L.F. ROTHSCHILD - BULLPEN - DAY (OCT ‘87) 24

Total chaos. Jordan dials the phone as all around him
Brokers panic, screaming into headsets.

JORDAN (V.O.)
They called it Black Monday.
By four p.m. the market was down
508 points, the biggest one-day
drop since the crash of ‘29.

4 p.m. The closing bell RINGS; the entire place goes
silent. Brokers look at each other, stunned.

MARK HANNA
Holy. Fucking. Shit.

And as the Brokers start commiserating with each other...
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 12.

JORDAN (V.O.)
L.F. Rothschild, a company that
had been in business since 1883,
closed its doors within a month.

Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In an upscale New York restaurant, Jordan meets Mark Hanna, who introduces him to the hedonistic and ruthless culture of Wall Street. Over cocaine and martinis, Hanna shares his cynical views on success, emphasizing the importance of confidence and indulgence. As Jordan grapples with his moral compass amidst the seductive lifestyle, the scene transitions to a strip club, foreshadowing his chaotic entry into the world of stockbroking during Black Monday.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Compelling characters
Intense atmosphere

Weaknesses

Depiction of drug use may be excessive for some viewers

Critique

The scene effectively captures the hedonistic culture of Wall Street in the 1980s, showcasing the juxtaposition of power and excess through the dialogue between Jordan and Mark Hanna. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while it is humorous and engaging, some lines feel overly expository, particularly Hanna's advice about cocaine and sex. This could be streamlined to maintain a natural flow while still conveying the same message.
The visual elements, such as the close-up of the coke spoon and the panoramic views of the city, set a strong tone for the scene. However, the transition from the restaurant to the strip club could be more seamless. The abrupt shift feels jarring and could be enhanced with a more gradual transition that builds anticipation for the chaos that follows.
Jordan's character is established as impressionable and eager, but his internal conflict about the lifestyle he is being introduced to could be more pronounced. While he expresses excitement, there is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into his apprehension about the moral implications of Hanna's advice. This would add depth to his character and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from moments of silence or reflection, particularly after Hanna's more shocking statements. Allowing the audience to absorb the weight of what is being said would enhance the impact of the dialogue and the overall atmosphere of the scene.
The use of voiceover is effective in providing context and insight into Jordan's thoughts, but it could be used more strategically. For instance, instead of summarizing what he learned over the next six months, it might be more engaging to show specific moments or lessons learned through flashbacks or visual storytelling.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce exposition and allow for more subtext. This can create a more natural conversation that feels less scripted.
Enhance the transition between the restaurant and the strip club by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two locations, such as a lingering shot of the city skyline or the sound of music leading into the next scene.
Deepen Jordan's internal conflict by incorporating more of his thoughts or reactions to Hanna's advice, perhaps through additional voiceover or visual cues that show his hesitation or moral struggle.
Introduce moments of silence or pauses after key lines to allow the audience to process the implications of Hanna's advice, which would heighten the tension and drama of the scene.
Utilize the voiceover to highlight specific lessons or experiences rather than summarizing them, potentially through flashbacks that illustrate Jordan's journey and transformation during his first months on Wall Street.

Scene 5 - From Struggles to Success

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

25 INT. JORDAN & TERESA’S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY (DEC ‘87) 25

Jordan sits at the table perusing the Times classifieds.
Teresa approaches with two coffees. Sits next to him.

TERESA
So I’ll take an extra shift, don’t
worry about it.

JORDAN
You work too much as it is.

TERESA
We could pawn my engagement ring.

JORDAN
We’re not pawning anything. I’m
gonna be a millionaire, Teresa.

TERESA
You know that doesn’t matter,
right?

He smiles, kisses her. Together, they peruse the ads.

JORDAN
(points to an ad)
“Nobody Beats the Wiz”. I could
be a stock boy.

TERESA
You’re a stock broker.

JORDAN
No one’s hiring brokers right now,
sweetie.

They go back to the ads. After a few beats, she points--

TERESA
This place is.

26 EXT. STRIP MALL - PARKING LOT - LONG ISLAND - DAY (DEC ‘87) 26

In a suit, Jordan emerges from an ‘85 Datsun. He looks
around confused, heads toward an unmarked storefront.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 13.

27 INT. INVESTOR’S CENTER - DAY (DEC ‘87) 27

The antithesis of L.F. Rothschild, with cheap furniture
and a dozen misfit “BROKERS” giving loud, obnoxious sales
pitches. Jordan enters, a modern man among cave people.
DWAYNE, slovenly, 35, with a walrus mustache, looks up.

JORDAN
I’m looking for Investor’s Center?

DWAYNE
That’s us, hey. Dwayne.

JORDAN
(as they shake hands)
Jordan Belfort, I called earlier.
I was a broker with Rothschild.

Dwayne motions Jordan to a seat. Nearby, a Broker in
ratty Keds, TOBY WELCH, is screaming into his phone.

TOBY WELCH
I’m tellin’ you, this stock is
goin’ up!... Cause I know,
okay?!... I have inside
information!

Jordan looks at him, appalled at what he’s hearing.

JORDAN
Where are your quotrons?

DWAYNE
No quotrons, we sell off the pink
sheets -- penny stocks.

Dwayne slides Jordan a large thin book; its pages are
literally pink. He explains as Jordan flips the pages:

DWAYNE (CONT’D)
Company don’t have enough capital
to be listed on NASDAQ, their
shares trade here.
(points to the book)
Like these guys, Aerotyne? They
make radar detectors out of a
garage in Dubuque.

JORDAN
Six cents a share? Who buys this
crap?

DWAYNE
Schmucks mostly. Mailmen,
plumbers, people thinking they can
get rich quick. They answer our
ads, Popular Mechanics, Hustler.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 14.

JORDAN
The spread on these is huge.

DWAYNE
So’s your commission, that’s the
point. Blue chips stocks you get
what, one percent? Pink sheets
are fifty.

JORDAN
Wait a second. You’re telling me
if I sell two thousand dollars
worth of stock, my commission is a
thousand bucks?

DWAYNE
Technically, yeah, but not even
the biggest schmuck buys two
thousand dollars of this shit.

28 INT. INVESTOR’S CENTER - (LATER THAT) DAY (DEC ’87) 28

As others Brokers bark into phones, Jordan sits, phone
cradled in his shoulder, making notes. A few beats, then:

JORDAN
(into phone)
Mr. Fleming, good morning, Jordan
Belfort with Investor’s Center in
New York City. You recently
responded to one of our ads...

A few of the other Brokers glance over, eavesdropping.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
The reason I’m calling is that
an extremely exciting investment
opportunity crossed my desk today.
Typically our firm recommends no
more than five stocks per year:
this is one of them...

A few more Brokers look over...

JORDAN (CONT'D)
Aerotyne International is a
cutting edge tech firm out of the
Midwest, awaiting imminent patent
approval on a new generation of
radar equipment...

LATER. Now all the Brokers listen in rapt attention.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 15.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
-- so if Aerotyne’s shares rise
to only a dollar -- and our
research indicates they could go
much, much higher -- your profit
on a mere three thousand dollar
investment would be upwards of
fifty thousand... That’s right,
you could pay off your mortgage.

Seconds tick by; an eternity, then he starts writing:

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Four thousand dollars, will
that be check or money order?...
Thank you, sir.

Jordan hangs up, scrawls out a “buy” ticket.

JORDAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Just like that I made two grand.
The other guys looked at me like
I’d just discovered fire.

Toby Welch and the other cave-Brokers stare at him.

TOBY WELCH
How’d you fuckin’ do that?

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Biography"]

Summary In this scene, Jordan and Teresa confront their financial difficulties in their apartment, with Teresa suggesting practical solutions like taking extra shifts and pawning her engagement ring, which Jordan vehemently opposes. The scene shifts to the chaotic Investor's Center, where Jordan learns about penny stocks. He quickly adapts to the environment and impresses his peers by successfully making a sales call, earning two thousand dollars and showcasing his determination to succeed despite their struggles.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Strong character dynamics
Effective setup of conflict

Weaknesses

Moderate emotional impact
Some cliched elements in the setting

Critique

The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Jordan's previous high-status position at L.F. Rothschild and his current situation at the Investor's Center, which is depicted as a chaotic and unprofessional environment. This juxtaposition highlights Jordan's desperation and ambition, setting the stage for his transformation into a penny stock salesman.
The dialogue between Jordan and Teresa at the beginning of the scene serves to humanize Jordan, showing his relationship struggles and the pressure of financial instability. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by delving deeper into Teresa's feelings about their situation, which would add more depth to their dynamic.
The introduction of Dwayne and the other brokers at the Investor's Center is effective in showcasing the absurdity of the penny stock business. However, the character of Dwayne could be fleshed out more to make him memorable, as he currently serves more as an exposition tool than a fully realized character.
Jordan's transition from skepticism about penny stocks to excitement about the potential commissions is well-executed, but it could benefit from a more explicit internal conflict. Showing a moment of hesitation or moral questioning before he fully embraces this new path would add complexity to his character.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the conversation with Teresa to the Investor's Center could be smoother. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations and emphasize Jordan's mindset as he moves into this new world.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Teresa expresses her fears or frustrations more explicitly, which would deepen the emotional impact of their conversation and make Jordan's subsequent decisions feel more consequential.
Flesh out Dwayne's character by giving him a memorable quirk or backstory that makes him stand out among the other brokers, which would enhance the comedic and chaotic atmosphere of the Investor's Center.
Incorporate a brief internal monologue or visual cue that illustrates Jordan's internal struggle as he grapples with the ethics of selling penny stocks, which would add depth to his character arc.
Smooth the transition between the apartment and the Investor's Center by including a moment of reflection for Jordan, perhaps showing him looking at the classifieds with a sense of desperation before he heads out, reinforcing his motivations.
Consider using more vivid and specific descriptions of the Investor's Center to enhance the chaotic atmosphere, such as the sounds, smells, and sights that would make the reader feel immersed in the environment.

Scene 6 - The Birth of a Partnership

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

29 INT. INVESTOR’S CENTER - (ANOTHER) DAY (FEB ‘88) 29

Jordan sits at his desk in mid-pitch, totally focused.

JORDAN
It’s a rock-solid company, sir,
it’s the next Microsoft...
Six thousand. Terrific.

As Jordan continues talking, wrapping up the sale...

JORDAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Though I knew I was selling
garbage, within twelve weeks I
was making a fortune.

And as he starts scrawling out a buy ticket...

JORDAN (V.O.)
And as a wise man once told me,
my only responsibility was to
put meat on the table.

CLOSE ON a 1988 Jaguar, parked outside a diner...
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 16.

30 INT. KACANDES DINER - BAYSIDE - DAY (JUN ‘88) 30

Wearing a suit, Jordan sits in a booth reading the Wall
Street Journal as a WAITRESS serves the food. DONNIE
AZOFF, preppy-looking, 25, with horn-rims and bright
white teeth approaches from the takeout counter.

DONNIE
That your Jag in the lot?

JORDAN
Yeah.

DONNIE
Nice ride. Donnie Azoff.

JORDAN
Jordan Belfort.

DONNIE
I’ve seen it around. We live in
the same building. Twelfth floor?
(Jordan nods)
What do you do, bro?

JORDAN
Stock broker.

DONNIE
Kids furniture, me and my brother-
in-law. Making any money?

JORDAN
Seventy grand last month.

DONNIE
Get the fuck out. You made
seventy grand in one month.

JORDAN
Seventy two actually.

Donnie studies him, isn’t sure if he’s full of shit.

DONNIE
Tell you what. You show me a pay
stub with $72,000 on it, I’m
quitting my job right now and
coming to work with you.

As Jordan retrieves his briefcase to find a paystub -- *

30A SCENE 30A OMITTED *30A

30B As Jordan hands Donnie his paystub and sure enough, it’s *30B
north of seventy-two k. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 17.

DONNIE (CONT’D) *
Holy shit.

Jordan watches as Donnie crosses to a pay phone and
dials.

JORDAN (V.O.)
And he did quit his job, which
I thought was a little weird.
I mean I had just met this
fucking guy.

A few beats, then into phone:

DONNIE
Yo Paulie, it’s Donnie... Yeah,
listen, I quit.

Jordan studies Donnie as he continues his conversation...

JORDAN (V.O.)
There were other things about him
too, like his phosphorescent white
teeth and the fact that he wore
horn rims with clear lenses to
look more Waspy. He also married
his first cousin --

31 SCENE 31 OMITTED 31

32 INT. BAR - DAY (JUN ‘88) * 32

Jordan sits in mid-conversation with Donnie over beers.

DONNIE
No problem, if we have a kid who’s
a retard, we’ll just leave it on
the steps of some institution.

And as they continue drinking...

JORDAN (V.O.)
He was also a closet drug fiend.
I’d known him less than a week
before he talked me into smoking
crack.

33 EXT. BACK OF BAR - DAY (JUN ‘88) * 33

Jordan and Donnie get high. Donnie holds a flame under a
crack pipe.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 18.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The weird thing was when he’d do
crack, his face would contort into
this bizarre, frozen mask like the
Phantom of the Opera.

Donnie does a hit of crack; his jaw twitches, then his
facial muscles contort, locking up like a stroke victim.
After a few beats, he hands the pipe to Jordan.

DONNIE
You now, take a hit!

Jordan takes a deep hit and holds it. A beat, then:

JORDAN
Omigod, I fuckin’ love you!!

JORDAN (V.O.)
I knew I had to make him my
partner.

34 INT. INVESTOR’S CENTER - DAY (SEP ‘88) 34

Jordan looks on as Donnie works the phone like a madman.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Which turned out to be a great
move - Donnie was a fast learner
who transitioned into the penny
stock business quickly.

35 EXT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO SHOP - DAY (SEP ‘88) 35

Jordan and Donnie pull up to a defunct auto body shop,
which has a “For Lease” sign in the window.

JORDAN (V.O.)
So within months we started our
own firm out of an abandoned auto
body shop.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Biography"]

Summary In this scene, Jordan Belfort pitches a worthless stock to an investor, exuding confidence about his financial success. He later meets Donnie Azoff at Kacandes Diner, where Donnie, impressed by Jordan's pay stub showing his substantial earnings, impulsively quits his job. Their bond deepens over drinks and drugs, marking the beginning of their reckless partnership in the high-stakes world of finance.

Strengths

Compelling concept
Well-developed characters
Sharp dialogue

Weaknesses

Morally ambiguous characters may be off-putting to some viewers

Critique

The scene effectively captures the essence of Jordan's character as a charismatic and manipulative stockbroker. His confidence in selling worthless stocks is palpable, and the voiceover adds depth to his internal conflict, highlighting the moral ambiguity of his actions.
The transition from the Investor's Center to the diner is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more visual contrast between the chaotic environment of the brokerage and the more subdued diner setting. This would enhance the feeling of Jordan's dual life.
Donnie's introduction is engaging, but his character could be fleshed out further. While we get a glimpse of his personality through his dialogue, adding a brief visual cue or action that showcases his quirks would make him more memorable.
The dialogue flows well, but some lines could be tightened for greater impact. For instance, Donnie's reaction to Jordan's pay stub could be more exaggerated to emphasize his disbelief and excitement, which would enhance the comedic tone.
The voiceover provides insight into Jordan's thoughts, but it sometimes feels redundant. Instead of reiterating what is visually presented, consider using the voiceover to explore deeper themes or foreshadow future events, adding layers to the narrative.

Suggestions

Introduce a visual motif that contrasts the high-energy brokerage environment with the more relaxed diner setting, perhaps through lighting or camera angles, to emphasize the duality of Jordan's life.
Enhance Donnie's character by incorporating a unique action or quirk that reflects his personality, making him stand out more in the scene.
Tighten the dialogue by removing any unnecessary words or phrases, particularly in Donnie's reactions, to create a sharper, more impactful exchange.
Use the voiceover to delve into Jordan's psyche or hint at future consequences of his actions, rather than restating what is already shown on screen, to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.
Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt from Jordan after he hands over the pay stub, which could create tension and foreshadow the reckless decisions he will make in the future.

Scene 7 - Ambition and Doubt

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

36 INT. KACANDES DINER - DAY (OCT ‘88) 36

Jordan sits with CHESTER MING, ROBBIE FEINBERG, ALDEN
KUPFERBERG (”SEA OTTER”) and BRAD, muscular and bald,
with a Fu Manchu mustache.

JORDAN (V.O.)
In addition to Donnie, I also
recruited my friends Sea Otter, *
Chester and Robbie, who were at *
the time all middling pot dealers.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 19.

As a WAITRESS serves cheeseburgers:

JORDAN
--see everyone wants to get rich,
so you’re already half way there
by the time the call starts.

SEA OTTER
I sold weed once to this Amish
dude, had one of those beards with
no mustache?

ROBBIE FEINBERG
So?

SEA OTTER
He only wanted to make furniture.

CHESTER MING
What’s that got to do with
anything?

SEA OTTER
He just said everyone wants to
get rich.

ROBBIE FEINBERG
(to Jordan)
That’s true, you did.

SEA OTTER
Buddhists too, they don’t give a
shit about money either.

CHESTER MING
Man I could sell weed to anybody,
get a convent full of nuns fucking
wasted.

And as Brad looks at Jordan and shakes his head:

37 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO BODY SHOP - BULLPEN 37
(OCT ‘88)

We see the above guys working the phones.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Brad, the guy I really wanted,
took a pass, since he’d become the
Quaalude king of Bayside.

38 EXT. BRAD’S HOUSE - BACKYARD GYM - DAY (OCT ‘88) 38

Bare-chested, wearing kung fu pants, Brad sells ludes to
a couple of HIGH SCHOOL KIDS.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 20.

JORDAN (V.O.)
They were absolute morons, my
friends, but like I always said--

39 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO BODY SHOP - BULLPEN - DAY 39
(OCT ‘88)

Jordan emerges from his office into the garage area
(the bullpen), looking on as Donnie, Chester, Robbie, Sea
Otter and four other BROKERS (now including RUGRAT and
Toby) make sales calls from the cheap desks.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Give me them young, hungry and
stupid and in no time I’ll make
them rich.

40 EXT. MARINA - LONG ISLAND - SUNSET (MAY ‘89) 40

On lounge chairs at the edge of a dock, bottle of wine
nearby, Jordan sits with Teresa. He smiles as she opens
a jewelry case -- inside is a diamond tennis bracelet.

TERESA
Omigod. Jordan.

JORDAN
You like it?

TERESA
It’s beautiful.

Jordan helps her try it on. She smiles, but he detects a
wave of... something.

JORDAN
They’re small, I know, but the
stones are really high quality.

TERESA
No, no. I love it.

JORDAN
Then what?

They sit in silence. Finally:

TERESA
I don’t know, it’s just -- these
stocks, these crappy companies.

JORDAN
In five years the Corleone family
will be completely legitimate.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 21.

TERESA
Why can’t you be legitimate now?

JORDAN
It’s not illegal, Teresa,
technically. I mean they’re real
stocks, they’re just...

TERESA
Never gonna make anybody money.
(a few beats; then)
Wouldn’t you feel better selling
this junk to rich people, who can
afford to lose the money at least?

JORDAN
Rich people don’t buy penny
stocks.

TERESA
Why not?

And on Jordan’s look:

JORDAN (V.O.)
Because they’re too smart, that’s
why not.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Jordan recruits his friends Chester, Robbie, Sea Otter, and Brad, all former drug dealers, to join him in a new business venture. They share lighthearted banter about their past experiences, reflecting their carefree attitudes and lack of seriousness. Jordan expresses his ambition to make them wealthy, while the setting shifts from a diner to their new firm's bullpen. Later, he presents a diamond bracelet to Teresa, who questions the legitimacy of his business practices, highlighting the tension between ambition and morality. The scene ends with Teresa's doubts about Jordan's choices, leaving their relationship uncertain.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character development
Foreshadowing

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited emotional impact

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and humorous nature of Jordan's recruitment process, showcasing the personalities of his friends. However, the dialogue can feel disjointed at times, with characters jumping from one topic to another without clear transitions, which may confuse the audience.
The use of voiceover is a strong narrative tool, but it sometimes detracts from the immediacy of the scene. The audience might benefit from more visual storytelling rather than relying heavily on Jordan's internal monologue to convey his thoughts and motivations.
While the comedic elements are present, the humor can come off as forced in certain exchanges, particularly with Sea Otter's comments. The jokes about drug dealing may not resonate with all viewers and could risk alienating the audience if not handled with care.
The contrast between the characters' lack of seriousness and Jordan's ambition is clear, but it could be emphasized further. The scene could benefit from more moments that highlight Jordan's determination and vision, making his recruitment of these 'absolute morons' feel more strategic rather than purely opportunistic.
The transition from the diner to the bullpen is abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative, allowing the audience to better understand the progression of Jordan's journey and the evolution of his team.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to ensure each character's lines contribute to the overall narrative and character development. Aim for more cohesive exchanges that build on each other.
Incorporate more visual storytelling elements to complement the voiceover. Show Jordan's expressions and reactions to his friends' antics to convey his thoughts without relying solely on narration.
Evaluate the comedic timing and content of the jokes. Ensure that humor serves the story and character development, and consider using humor that aligns more closely with the overall tone of the film.
Add moments that showcase Jordan's ambition and strategic thinking, perhaps through his reactions to his friends' comments or by illustrating how he plans to leverage their skills in the brokerage world.
Create a more seamless transition between the diner and the bullpen by using a visual cue or a brief moment that connects the two settings, reinforcing the narrative flow and Jordan's journey.

Scene 8 - The Art of Manipulation

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

41 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO BODY SHOP - DAY (AUG ‘89) 41

CLOSE ON Jordan, brow furrowing as his wheels turn.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I mean what person of any
substance would trust this bunch
of jerk-offs? Like the Pinhead, *
Robbie Feinberg.

42 SCENES 42 - 46 OMITTED * 42

46A INSERT ID PHOTO - TOBY WELCH *46A

JORDAN (V.O.) *
Toby Welch. I mean, look at this *
fucking Cro-Magnon, I wouldn’t *
trust him to pick up a rock. *

(ALT) *

JORDAN (V.O.) *
Toby Welch. I mean, look at this *
fucking Cro-Magnon, he couldn’t *
even think without moving his *
lips. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 22.

46B INSERT ID PHOTO - ROBBIE FEINBERG 46B

JORDAN (V.O.)
Or the Sea Otter.

46C INSERT ID PHOTO - THE SEA OTTER 46C

JORDAN (V.O.)
Chester Ming even, the Depraved
Chinaman, with his giant panda
head.

46D INSERT ID PHOTO - CHESTER MING 46D

JORDAN (V.O.)
Or Nicky Koskoff, who I called
Rugrat because--

46E INSERT ID PHOTO - RUGRAT 46E

JORDAN (V.O.)
Well, you can probably figure that
out for yourself.

47 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO BODY SHOP - REAR - NIGHT 47
(MAR ‘90)

The camera PUSHES IN on Jordan as he stands before a
large dry erase board.

JORDAN (V.O.)
But what if they didn’t sound like
jerk-offs? What if I took this
bunch of nincompoops and molded
them in my own image? I
reinvented the company, gave it a
new image, a new name. Something
patrician, blue-blooded, something
that reeked of tradition and anti-
semitism.

And as his Brokers settle in to folding chairs--

JORDAN
Gentlemen, welcome to Stratton
Oakmont. The clients we’ve gone
after in the past -- they’re done.
We will now target exclusively the
wealthiest one percent of
Americans. The methods we’ve used
-- over. Loud, obnoxious sales
hype is worthless with these
people.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 23.
JORDAN (CONT'D)
In military terms it’s like carpet-
bombing -- noisy, menacing and
only marginally effective. As
Stratton brokers you will be laser-
guided smart-bombs aimed at high-
priority targets. You will
establish an initial relationship
with your clients selling only
blue chip stocks -- then and only
then will you attempt to sell the
pink sheets, where the real money
is. Now the key to every sale is
this:

Jordan writes the word “URGENCY” on the board.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
No one buys stock unless he thinks
it’s going up and going up now.
You must convince your client to
buy before the takeover happens,
before the lawsuit is settled,
before the patent is granted.
If he says I’ll think about it and
call you back, it’s over, you’re
dead! No one calls back! So you
have to create urgency --

48 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO SHOP BULLPEN - DAY 48

Another day. With Stratton Oakmont signage visible in
the b.g., Jordan is on speakerphone with a potential
CLIENT, the other Brokers listening in.

JORDAN
--and once Kodak settles the
lawsuit, institutions will be
permitted to buy their shares in
large blocks again. And when that
happens, which is any day now,
what do you think will happen to
the price of Kodak stock?

CLIENT (O.S.)
It’ll go up?

JORDAN
Exactly. Which is why you should
pick up 5000 shares today, a
$200,000 investment.

49 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO BODY SHOP - REAR - NIGHT 49

Jordan stands addressing his Brokers.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 24.

JORDAN
Then you lower your voice.

50 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO SHOP BULLPEN - DAY 50

Jordan pitches the client, his voice lowered.

JORDAN
Believe me, sir, you will not be
sorry.

51 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO BODY SHOP - REAR - NIGHT 51

Jordan stands before the Brokers.

JORDAN
Then you wait. Whoever speaks
first loses. At this point, where
are we in the sale? Chester?

CHESTER MING
About to close?

JORDAN
No, you sweet and sour douchebag!
We’re at the beginning of the
beginning! This is where the sale
starts. You as a salesman are
almost hoping he says no so you
can finally do your fucking job!

52 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO SHOP BULLPEN - DAY 52

Jordan sits at the phone, waiting for a response.

CLIENT (O.S.)
I don’t know, I don’t think so.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Jordan critiques the incompetence of his colleagues at Stratton Oakmont while reviewing their ID photos. Transitioning to a night setting, he passionately outlines a new sales strategy to his brokers, emphasizing the need to target wealthy clients and create urgency in their pitches. Through assertive instructions and manipulative tactics, he aims to transform his untrustworthy team into effective salespeople. The scene captures Jordan's confidence and ambition as he awaits a response from a potential client, underscoring the tension of the sales process.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Intense atmosphere
Effective character development

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Focus on manipulation over genuine connection

Critique

The scene effectively captures Jordan's disdain for his colleagues, using humor and sarcasm to convey his superiority complex. However, the derogatory descriptions can come off as excessive and may alienate the audience from Jordan's character. Balancing this with moments that show his vulnerability or internal conflict could create a more nuanced portrayal.
The transition from Jordan's voiceover to the live action is smooth, but the voiceover could benefit from more emotional depth. Instead of solely focusing on his colleagues' incompetence, incorporating Jordan's own insecurities or fears about his leadership could add layers to his character.
The instructional tone of Jordan's speech to his brokers is engaging, but it risks feeling didactic. To maintain audience interest, consider interspersing more dynamic interactions among the brokers, showcasing their reactions and questions, which would create a more lively atmosphere.
The use of military metaphors (e.g., 'carpet-bombing' vs. 'laser-guided smart-bombs') is clever and fits the high-stakes environment of Wall Street. However, it might be beneficial to explore more varied metaphors or analogies that reflect Jordan's personality and the unique culture of Stratton Oakmont.
The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the repetitive elements in Jordan's instructions. For instance, the emphasis on urgency is crucial, but reiterating it multiple times could be streamlined to maintain momentum.

Suggestions

Introduce a moment of self-reflection for Jordan, perhaps a fleeting thought about his own rise to power or the moral implications of his actions, to create a more complex character.
Incorporate reactions from the brokers during Jordan's speech to break up the monologue and provide a sense of camaraderie or tension among the team, enhancing the scene's dynamism.
Consider varying the tone of Jordan's voiceover to reflect different emotions, such as frustration or ambition, rather than maintaining a consistent sarcastic tone throughout.
Use visual storytelling to complement the dialogue; for example, showing the brokers' expressions or body language can convey their skepticism or enthusiasm without relying solely on words.
Experiment with the structure of the scene by interspersing flashbacks or quick cuts to past failures or successes of the brokers, which could provide context for Jordan's current strategy and enhance the stakes.

Scene 9 - The Art of Persuasion

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

53 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO BODY SHOP - REAR - NIGHT 53

Jordan stands before the Brokers.

JORDAN
He doesn’t know, he needs to
think, he’s gotta ask his wife!
The fact is it doesn’t matter what
the fuck he says! If he’s already
agreed that the stock’s going up,
then the only real objection he
has at this point is he doesn’t
trust you! And he shouldn’t trust
you, you’re a fucking salesman!
So what do you say?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 25.

54 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO SHOP BULLPEN - DAY 54

Donnie talks on the phone to a Client.

DONNIE
Let me ask you this, sir -- had I
been your broker for the past
three to four years and made you
money on a consistent basis, you
probably wouldn’t say you need to
think about it, you’d probably say
pick me up three or four thousand
shares, am I right?

CLIENT #2 (O.S.)
Maybe.

55 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO SHOP BULLPEN - DAY 55
(APR ‘90)

The place is crowded; now 20 Brokers make up the sales
force. Sea Otter pitches a client.

SEA OTTER
Wait a second. You mean to tell
me if I put you in Union Carbide
at 7 and took you out at 32--

56 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO SHOP BULLPEN - DAY 56
(MAY ‘90)

Even more crowded, with 30 Brokers.

ROBBIE FEINBERG
If I put you in Texas Instruments
at 11 and took you out at 47--

57 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT I - AUTO SHOP BULLPEN - DAY 57
(JUN ‘90)

More Brokers still - now there’s 45.

CHESTER MING
--Walmart at 16 and took you out
at 95, you wouldn’t say Chester
pick me up 10,000 shares? C’mon.

CLIENT #3 (O.S.)
Well yeah, in that case I would.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 26.

58 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT II - BULLPEN - DAY (NOV ‘90) 58

New offices now, a real brokerage firm. The bullpen is
large, with 75 Brokers at polished maple desks, sitting
before computers talking into headsets.

DONNIE
So the problem is that I don’t
have the luxury of a track record.
Sir, let me reintroduce myself to
you. My name is Donnie Azoff--

58A CUT TO: 58A

RUGRAT
--Nicky Koskoff-- *

58B CUT TO: 58B

CHESTER MING
Chester Ming--

58C CUT TO: 58C

PETER DEBLASIO
Peter DeBlasio from Stratton
Oakmont in New York City--

58D CUT TO: 58D

TOBY WELCH
--and I plan on being the top
broker in my firm this year.

58E CUT TO: 58E

SEA OTTER
So what about this? We start
small with 500 shares, a cash
outlay of $20,000.

58F CUT TO: 58F

KALIL *
If the stock goes up 10%, will
that make you a rich man? Of
course not.

58G CUT TO: 58G

KIMMIE BELZER
If if goes down 10%, will it make
you a poor man? No..

58H CUT TO: 58H
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 27.

CHESTER MING
What this trade will do is serve
as a benchmark for future
business.

58J CUT TO: 58J

PETER DEBLASIO
The downside is minimal and the
upside is a long-term relationship
with a broker on Wall Street who
will consistently make you money.

58K CUT TO: 58K

JORDAN
Your only regret will be that I
didn’t call you six months ago.

58L CUT TO: 58L

CLIENT #1 (O.S.)
(to Robbie Feinberg)
All right.

58M CUT TO: 58M

CLIENT #2 (O.S.)
(to Sea Otter)
Give me 300 shares.

58N CUT TO: 58N

CLIENT #3 (O.S.)
(to Peter DeBlasio)
1200 shares.

58P CUT TO: 58P

CLIENT #4 (O.S.)
(to Jordan)
I’ll take 5000 shares.

Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this high-energy scene, Jordan Belfort rallies his brokers at Stratton Oakmont, stressing the necessity of confidence in selling stocks to hesitant clients. As the setting shifts from a small auto body shop to a thriving brokerage firm, various brokers, including Donnie Azoff, Sea Otter, and Robbie Feinberg, employ aggressive sales tactics to convince clients to invest, leveraging past successes and minimizing perceived risks. The atmosphere is charged with urgency as the brokers successfully close multiple deals, showcasing their persuasive skills and the firm's rapid growth.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled interactions
Realistic portrayal of brokerage environment

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Limited character development

Critique

The scene effectively captures the escalating energy and chaos of the brokerage environment, showcasing Jordan's leadership and the growing success of Stratton Oakmont. However, the transition between the different time frames (April, May, June, and November) could be clearer to avoid confusion for the audience. Consider using visual cues or a more explicit narrative device to indicate the passage of time.
Jordan's dialogue is assertive and manipulative, which aligns with his character's persona. However, the repetition of similar phrases across different brokers could be streamlined to enhance the pacing. Each broker's pitch should feel distinct to showcase their individual styles and personalities, rather than blending into a single voice.
The use of voiceover could be more pronounced to provide insight into Jordan's thoughts and motivations during this pivotal moment. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the stakes involved in the sales process.
While the scene highlights the aggressive sales tactics employed by the brokers, it could benefit from a moment of reflection or doubt from one of the characters, particularly as they pitch potentially risky stocks. This would add depth and complexity to the characters, making them more relatable and human.
The scene's climax, where clients begin to agree to purchases, feels somewhat abrupt. Building tension leading up to this moment could enhance the payoff, perhaps by showing a particularly challenging client or a moment of doubt that is overcome.

Suggestions

Introduce clearer visual markers or on-screen text to indicate the time shifts between April, May, June, and November, helping the audience follow the progression of events.
Differentiate each broker's pitch by giving them unique phrases or styles, ensuring that their individual personalities shine through in their dialogue.
Incorporate Jordan's internal monologue or voiceover to provide deeper insight into his mindset and the pressure he feels as the stakes rise.
Consider adding a moment of hesitation or moral conflict for one of the brokers during their pitches, which could create a more nuanced portrayal of the characters.
Build more tension before the clients agree to purchases by introducing a particularly difficult client or a moment of crisis that the brokers must navigate, enhancing the emotional payoff of the scene.

Scene 10 - Celebration of Excess

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

59 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT II - BULLPEN - DAY (APR ‘91) 59

4PM the place goes nuts as Jordan emerges from his office *
holding a spread sheet. He addresses the crowd of 100
BROKERS, which now includes a dozen WOMEN.

JORDAN
Everybody have a good week?

Applause; war whoops.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 28.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
I’d like to read you something.
(reads spread sheet)
Month end, March 1991! $28.7
million in gross commissions - all *
in Stratton issues. Not bad for *
penny stocks, huh boys? Not bad *
for dumpin’ penny stocks. *

The place goes WILD with applause.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
And to celebrate with a weekly act
of debauchery, I have offered our
lovely sales assistant Danielle
Harrison ten thousand dollars to *
have her head shaved!

Jordan motions to DANIELLE HARRISON, 19, pretty, sitting *
in a chair nearby. Behind her, Rugrat uses clippers to
shave her thick brown mane. The place goes nuts.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
FYI, Danielle tells me she’s using
the money for breast implants! Is
this a great company or what?!!

More wild applause as Jordan signals across the bullpen
to Donnie. We hear the opening strains of “Stars &
Stripes Forever” as he opens the door to a

COLLEGE MARCHING BAND

dressed in underwear and hats. The music continues as
somersaulting GYMNASTS and BATON-TWIRLERS bring up the
rear. As they march through the bullpen to cheers--

FROM THE KITCHEN -- two dozen TUXEDO-CLAD WAITERS emerge
carrying trays of champagne and hors d’oeuvres. The
music continues as two dozen STRIPPERS bolt in, gyrating
among the BROKERS. As Jordan surveys the insanity:

JORDAN (V.O.)
Word spread throughout Wall
Street -- I was becoming a legend.
Forbes Magazine even called to do
a profile on me...

60 SCENES 60 - 67 OMITTED 60
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 29.

68 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT II - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 68
(SEP ‘91)

Jordan finishes up an interview with a FEMALE FORBES
REPORTER - ALIYAH FARRAN. They shake hands, then he
smiles for the camera - CLICK!

JORDAN (V.O.)
A total fucking hatchet job.

69 INT. JORDAN’S MANHATTAN APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - MORNING 69
(OCT ‘91)

A gorgeous place; city views. As Teresa sits nearby, a
distraught Jordan paces, holding the copy of Forbes.

JORDAN
That conniving little twat!
(reading)
“The Wolf of Wall Street”.

TERESA
(on the bright side)
Your hair looks good.

JORDAN
“Jordan Belfort, a twisted version
of Robin Hood who takes from the
rich and gives to himself and his
merry band of brokers”.

TERESA
There’s no such thing as bad
publicity, sweetie.

70 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT II - BULLPEN - LATER THAT DAY 70

Bustling with activity. Jordan enters, crosses toward
his office. Off to the side of the bullpen, he notices
three dozen YOUNG MEN in business suits. He approaches
his assistant JANET, 20s, dressed all in black.

JORDAN
The hell’s all this?

JANET
The Forbes article. They’re
applying for jobs.

They spot Jordan, start clamoring, waving their resumes.

JOB APPLICANTS
Mr. Belfort! Over here! Sir!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 30.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Forbes had made me a superstar.
Every day dozens of money-crazed
kids beat a path to my door with
resumes they hadn’t even bothered
to spellcheck.

Jordan crosses through the packed bullpen, where 150
BROKERS, no older than 22, are crammed elbow to elbow
talking into phones. Some have pets, which they tend to
while they work -- iguanas, snakes, turtles, even a
chimp. Others are getting shoulder rubs by Masseuses
or being fitted for suits by a TAILOR. Over the above:

JORDAN (V.O.)
If we hired ‘em, they dropped out
of college overnight and blew
whatever allowance they had on a
new suit from our in-house tailor.
The median age of our brokerage
couldn’t get served in the bar
down the street.

71 INT. FBI BREAK ROOM - DAY (OCT ‘91) 71

PATRICK DENHAM sits sipping coffee as he reads Forbes.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Not this guy though -- what the
fuck is he even doing here? He
read the Forbes article, too, but
he already had a job.

72 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - DAY (MAR ‘92) 72

CLOSE ON two BROKERS wrestling while others cheer them
on. PULL BACK to reveal the place from the opening. 300
young Brokers and their hot ASSISTANTS work the phones.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Within months, we doubled in size,
moved to even bigger offices.

Two other Brokers pump themselves up, chest-bumping and
screaming like football players.

JORDAN (V.O.)
It was a madhouse, a greed-fest,
with equal parts cocaine,
testosterone and body fluids.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 31.

73 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - MEN’S ROOM - DAY (MAR ‘92) 73

In a stall, two Brokers snort coke, while another Broker
fucks a Sales Assistant perched on the sink.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I had to declare the office a fuck-
free zone between the hours of 9
and 7, but even that didn’t help.

Taped to the mirror we see a MEMO -- inside a red circle,
two anatomically correct stick figures fuck doggy-style,
a red line slashing through them.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Actually the madness started on
our very first day, when one of
our brokers, Ben Jenner,
christened the elevator by
getting a blowjob from a sales
assistant.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a chaotic celebration at Stratton Oakmont II, Jordan Belfort announces the firm's impressive $28.7 million in gross commissions for March 1991, igniting wild applause from the brokers. He humorously offers sales assistant Danielle $10,000 to shave her head, which she accepts for breast implants. The festivities escalate with the arrival of a college marching band, gymnasts, and strippers, creating a surreal party atmosphere. As Jordan revels in his growing legend on Wall Street, the scene highlights the absurdity and hedonism of the financial culture.

Strengths

Vivid and engaging portrayal of characters and setting
Sharp and witty dialogue
Highly entertaining and shocking moments

Weaknesses

Excessive focus on debauchery may be off-putting to some viewers

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and celebratory atmosphere of Stratton Oakmont, showcasing Jordan's charisma and the wild culture of the brokerage firm. However, the reliance on spectacle, such as the marching band and strippers, may overshadow the character development and thematic depth. While it emphasizes Jordan's rise to fame, it risks reducing the narrative to mere excess without exploring the consequences of such behavior.
Jordan's dialogue is energetic and engaging, but it could benefit from more nuanced interactions with the brokers. The scene primarily focuses on his monologue, which, while entertaining, doesn't allow for much character interplay. This could make the brokers feel more like a backdrop rather than active participants in the celebration.
The introduction of Danielle and her decision to shave her head for breast implants is a provocative moment that reflects the absurdity of the culture at Stratton Oakmont. However, it may come off as exploitative without further context or commentary on the implications of such actions. This could be an opportunity to delve deeper into the motivations and feelings of the characters involved.
The voiceover at the end of the scene serves to highlight Jordan's growing legend status, but it feels somewhat detached from the action. Integrating his reflections more organically into the scene could enhance the emotional impact and provide a clearer connection between his internal thoughts and the external chaos.

Suggestions

Consider adding more dialogue from the brokers to create a sense of camaraderie and collective excitement. This would help to flesh out the ensemble and make the celebration feel more communal rather than solely focused on Jordan.
Explore the implications of Danielle's decision to shave her head more deeply. Perhaps include a brief moment where she expresses her thoughts or feelings about the act, which could add depth to her character and highlight the absurdity of the situation.
Incorporate moments of reflection from Jordan that connect his current success to the potential moral and ethical implications of his actions. This could create a more complex character arc and foreshadow the consequences of his lifestyle.
Consider using the voiceover to comment on the celebration in real-time rather than as a retrospective reflection. This could create a more immersive experience for the audience and enhance the tension between the celebration and the underlying issues of greed and excess.

Scene 11 - Chaos and Consequences at Stratton Oakmont

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

74 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - LOBBY - DAY (JAN ‘92) 74

Two dozen Brokers cheer, watching through the rising
glass elevator as BEN JENNER, 25, gets a blowjob from a
brunette SALES ASSISTANT. *

JORDAN (V.O.)
Her name was Pam and to her
credit, she did have an amazing
technique, with this wild twist
and jerk motion.

75 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 75
(FEB ‘92)

As Pam blows Jordan, Donnie fucks her from behind.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Eventually Ben married her, which
was pretty amazing considering she
blew every guy in the office.

75A INSERT POLAROID - (JUN ‘92) 75A

A wedding photo of Ben and Pam.

JORDAN (V.O.)
He got depressed and killed
himself three years later.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 32.

75B INSERT POLAROID - (JUN ‘95) 75B

A crime scene photo; Ben in his underwear, dead on a
bathroom floor, a gun near his head, which oozes blood.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Anyway, in an attempt to maintain
order, I hired my dad Max as
defacto CFO and head of the
Gestapo.

75C INT. JORDAN’S PARENTS’ APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 75C

MAX BELFORT sits smoking, watching a rerun of “The
Equalizer” on TV. His wife, LEAH, does needlepoint.

JORDAN (V.O.)
We called him Mad Max because of
his hair-trigger temper, which
could be set off by something as
innocuous as a ringing telephone.

The phone RINGS.

MAX
Who the hell has the goddamn gall
to call this house on a Tuesday
evening! Goddammit!

JORDAN (V.O.)
But then the weirdest thing would
happen. Though he’d never been
near England, he’d pick up the
phone and affect an ever-so-slight
British accent.

Greatly agitated, Max stomps toward the phone.

JORDAN (V.O.)
This was his other persona -- the
super polite, ever-gracious Sir
Max.

MAX
(into phone)
Hello?... Yes, Gene, right-eo.
Good-good then... Cheerio.

JORDAN (V.O.)
It was absolutely bizarre. He’d
hang up...

MAX
(hangs up phone)
Goddamn fucking halfwit!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 33.

JORDAN (V.O.)
And become Mad Max all over again.

Max curses a blue streak as he stomps back to his chair.

76 SCENE 76 OMITTED 76

Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In a darkly comedic scene at Stratton Oakmont, brokers cheer as Ben Jenner receives a blowjob from sales assistant Pam in the elevator. The focus shifts to Jordan's office, where Pam engages with both Jordan and Donnie, highlighting her promiscuity. Jordan reflects on Ben's tragic fate, marrying Pam only to later commit suicide. The scene also introduces Max Belfort, Jordan's father, whose volatile temper and peculiar phone mannerisms add a layer of absurdity amidst the chaos, culminating in a moment of comic relief before he returns to anger.

Strengths

Dark humor
Cynical tone
Sharp dialogue
Exploration of consequences

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Limited character development

Critique

The scene relies heavily on shock value and crude humor, which may alienate some viewers. While the depiction of the chaotic and morally questionable environment of Stratton Oakmont is consistent with the overall tone of the screenplay, the explicit nature of the content could detract from the narrative's depth and character development.
Jordan's voiceover provides a detached commentary on the events, which can create a sense of distance between the audience and the characters. This narrative style may work in some contexts, but here it risks trivializing serious issues such as mental health and the consequences of reckless behavior.
The transition from the explicit scene in the elevator to the introduction of Max Belfort feels abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the chaotic work environment with Jordan's family life, the tonal shift could be smoother to maintain narrative cohesion.
The character of Max Belfort is introduced with a humorous quirk (his British accent), but this could be developed further to provide more insight into his personality and relationship with Jordan. As it stands, he feels more like a caricature than a fully realized character.
The use of Polaroid inserts to depict Ben's wedding and subsequent death is visually striking but may come off as sensationalist. This approach could undermine the gravity of the subject matter, particularly suicide, which should be handled with care and sensitivity.

Suggestions

Consider toning down the explicit content in the elevator scene to focus more on the implications of such behavior in a corporate environment. This could enhance the narrative's critique of Wall Street culture without relying solely on shock value.
Explore Jordan's emotional response to the events more deeply. Instead of a detached voiceover, consider incorporating moments of reflection that reveal his internal conflict regarding the lifestyle he promotes.
Smooth the transition between the elevator scene and the introduction of Max by adding a brief moment of reflection from Jordan that connects the two environments, perhaps highlighting the contrast between his chaotic work life and his family dynamics.
Develop Max's character further by providing more context about his relationship with Jordan. This could involve showing moments of tenderness or conflict that reveal their dynamic beyond just humor.
Reassess the use of Polaroid inserts. Instead of sensationalizing Ben's death, consider a more subtle approach that conveys the tragedy of his situation without reducing it to a mere visual gimmick.

Scene 12 - Dwarfs and Debt

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

77 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 77
(MAR ‘92)

Holding a HEADSHOT of the Dwarf from the opening, Jordan
sits talking with Donnie, Robbie and Rugrat.

JORDAN
What if he gets hurt?

ROBBIE *
He’ll be wearing a helmet. Plus
they’ve got, like, superhuman
strength anyway.

DONNIE *
I did hear you're not supposed to *
make direct eye contact. If you *
look at them too long in their *
eyes they get freaked out - their *
wires cross. *

JORDAN *
I think there’s a limit to how far *
we can go... I mean we can throw *
shit at him and - *

DONNIE *
They have a lot of feelings. *

JORDAN *
There’s a specific thing that *
they’ll do - You can throw him at *
a dart board but if you want him *
to show his cock or - *

ROBBIE *
Yes, that’s what this guy does. *

RUGRAT *
That’s his gift. *

ROBBIE *
Can we also bowl with him? *

RUGRAT *
His brother is actually the *
bowler. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 34.

ROBBIE *
They strap a skateboard to him and *
throw him down an alley. *

RUGRAT *
They’re ornery, too, the little
pricks. You gotta be careful.

JORDAN
Get some tranq darts.

DONNIE
A little straitjacket. *

JORDAN *
What’s the liability on something *
like this?

RUGRAT *
That's a whole different thing. I *
can get on the phone with some *
people. I can talk to the *
insurance company and tell them *
exactly what we're going to do. *
But I think we go back to the same *
plan - loophole - if we don't *
really consider them people I *
think we are in the clear. *

DONNIE *
I think we should keep one in the *
office because I think they’re *
good luck. *

JORDAN *
Treat it like the fuckin' thing it *
is. He's coming in. We're paying *
him for something. Treat him with *
respect. And you just shake his *
hand like you don't even think *
anything's wrong. *

DONNIE *
You just look like something else *
is going on. *

RUGRAT *
You don’t look at his eyes. *

DONNIE *
Say “thank you for being here”. *

ROBBIE *
You don’t turn your back on him. *
It’s a sign of disrespect. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 35.

DONNIE *
If you want a cracker or something *
- I’m gonna have some treats in my *
pocket. I want to be in a strip *
club with you guys. Literally pull *
out a brief case and have a little *
fuckin' guy pop out of there. You *
know how much fuckin' pussy you *
get? *

JORDAN *
The point is get it out. *

DONNIE *
Get the jokes out now. Get the *
fuckin’ jokes out now. *

JORDAN *
You’re gonna fuck it up. Purge all *
this shit right now. *

DONNIE *
That’s what I’m saying - *

JORDAN *
When he comes in the room, I want *
him to feel like a human being - *

DONNIE *
Business. Business. It’s fuckin’ *
business, bro. *

JORDAN *
I want him to feel just like a *
normal human being. Cause you know *
- like one of us. One of us. *

DONNIE *
Like he’s an actual human being. *
One of us. *

JORDAN *
Gobble, gobble we accept you, one *
of us! One of us! *

ALL *
One of us. *

Janet pokes her head in. *

JANET
Your dad’s coming. With the
American Express bill.

JORDAN
Can you stop him?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 36.

JANET
Fuck you, you stop him.

The guys straighten up and head to desk, settle in. Max *
blows in past her, waving a 3-inch-thick bill:

MAX
$430,000 dollars in one month!!
Four-hundred-and-thirty-thousand
dollars in one month!!

JORDAN
Hello, Father. *
(Max’s expression
doesn’t budge)
They’re business expenses. Just *
relax. *

The guys titter at “business expenses.”

MAX
If you bastards don't wipe those
smug fucking looks off your faces,
I swear to God I'm gonna wipe ‘em
off for you!
(back to Jordan)
Are you insane?

ROBBIE *
Actually, Max, my portion of the
bill is hardly anything, so I’m on
the same page as you --

MAX
Shut the fuck up, Feinberg, you
only have a portion because of my
son, you worthless twerp!

DONNIE
(chuckles)
Twerp.

MAX
You zip it, too, Azoff, those
boiling teeth of yours are hurting
my fucking eyes!
(turning to Jordan)
My own son! From my very loins!
What do you think this is? *

JORDAN
Will you calm down --

MAX
You don't think there's any end in
sight, do you? It's all one giant
party to you schmendricks!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 37.
MAX (CONT'D)
(holds up AMEX bill)
$26,000 for one dinner!!

JORDAN
Donnie ordered sides.

DONNIE
Yeah, that was... Sorry.

MAX
(glowering)
What is EJ Entertainment? What is
EJ Entertainment?!

JORDAN
(restraining a grin)
You tell me, Dad.

MAX
It’s a goddamn prostitution ring
is what it is!!

Jordan feigns shock, turns to Donnie: did you know it was
a prostitution ring?!

DONNIE
Doesn’t the IRS allow for T&A?

MAX
It’s T&E and stop fucking with me!
What kind of hookers take credit
cards, anyway?!

Jordan takes the bill, starts flipping through it.

JORDAN (V.O.)
In Stratton parlance, there were
three kinds of hookers. There
were blue chips, the top of the
line. Model material. They were
priced between $300 and $500 and
made you wear a condom unless you
gave them a hefty tip, which I
always did.

77A A “BLUE CHIP” HOOKER FLOATS THROUGH, SURROUNDED BY *77A
STRATTON BROKERS. *

JORDAN (V.O.)
Then came NASDAQs, who were
pretty, but not great, usually
in the two to three hundred
dollar range.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 38.

77B A “NASDAQ” HOOKER DANCES THROUGH BULLPEN. STRATTON *77B
BROKERS WATCH. *

JORDAN (V.O.)
Finally there were pink sheets,
skanks, the bottom of the barrel.

77C A “PINK SHEET” HOOKER, COVERED IN TATTOOS, IS ON ALL *77C
FOURS AS SEA OTTER RIDES HER LIKE A PONY. *

JORDAN (V.O.)
They usually cost a hundred or
less, and if you didn't wear a
condom, you'd get a penicillin
shot the next day and pray your
dick didn't fall off.

77D THE ABOVE-MENTIONED “PINK SHEET” HOOKER SITS ON A STOOL, *77D
AS SEA OTTER FUCKS HER. *

JORDAN (V.O.)
Not that we didn’t fuck them, too.
Believe me, we did.

Behind him, the other guys wait their turns. *

77E BACK TO SCENE 77E

Max continues to steam so Jordan ushers Robbie, Rugrat
and Donnie out the door.

JORDAN
Give us a minute, will you, guys?

He closes the door, then stretches a bit, exaggeratedly,
letting out a little moan.

MAX
What’s the matter?

JORDAN
Nothing, just... My back’s been
killing me. Pain shooting down my
leg. Not to worry, it’ll pass.

MAX
What do the doctors say?

JORDAN
Doctors, what do they know? I’m on
like twenty different medications.
(re: the Amex bill)
Look, I know it's hard for you to
make sense of these expenses, but
there's a method here, okay? *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 39.

Max waits to hear it; Jordan gestures to the bullpen *

MAX
And you have to lead by example,
is that it?
(Jordan nods)
I’m tellin’ ya, kid, one of these
days... one of these days the
chickens are gonna come home to *
roost.

JORDAN *
In order to keep these guys *
working, I gotta keep ‘em *
spending. I need to keep them *
chasing the dream. You flash some *
cash, they do the same. It keeps *
them motivated. *

MAX *
Pissing away money? That’s what *
motivates you kids? *

JORDAN *
I could afford to pay them more, *
but then they wouldn't need me as *
much. And as long as they need me *
they'll always fear me. I know it *
sounds crazy. *

MAX *
Crazy? This... is obscene. *

He turns and exits. Jordan watches him go, thinking.

JORDAN (V.O.)
It was obscene -- in the normal
world. But who wanted to live
there?

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Jordan's office at Stratton Oakmont, he and his colleagues joke about using a dwarf for entertainment while discussing liability issues, with Jordan insisting on treating him respectfully. The mood shifts when Jordan's father, Max, confronts him about a staggering American Express bill, leading to a heated argument about Jordan's extravagant spending and reckless lifestyle. The scene blends dark humor with tension, highlighting the absurdity of their discussions against the backdrop of serious financial concerns, ultimately ending with Max storming out in frustration.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character dynamics
Humorous tone

Weaknesses

Excessive focus on extravagance may overshadow other plot elements

Critique

The scene effectively captures the absurdity and moral depravity of Jordan and his colleagues, showcasing their lack of respect for others, particularly the dwarf. However, the humor derived from their discussions can come off as insensitive and may alienate some viewers. The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities, but it risks trivializing serious issues surrounding exploitation and objectification.
Jordan's character is portrayed as someone who wants to maintain a facade of respect while simultaneously engaging in dehumanizing behavior. This duality is interesting but could be explored further to deepen the character's complexity. The scene could benefit from more internal conflict for Jordan, as he navigates his desire for respect versus his willingness to exploit others for entertainment.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The rapid-fire dialogue works well for comedic effect, but it can also make it difficult for the audience to fully absorb the implications of their conversation. A few pauses or moments of reflection could enhance the impact of the dialogue and allow the audience to process the absurdity of the situation.
The introduction of Max Belfort adds a layer of familial conflict, but the transition from the dwarf discussion to Max's entrance feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's flow and build tension between Jordan and his father. Additionally, Max's character could be fleshed out further to provide more context for his outrage, making his confrontation with Jordan more impactful.
The voiceover from Jordan provides insight into his mindset, but it could be more focused. The commentary on the types of hookers feels disconnected from the main conflict of the scene. Streamlining the voiceover to tie it more closely to the current events would enhance coherence and thematic resonance.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of hesitation or guilt for Jordan when discussing the dwarf, which could create a more nuanced portrayal of his character and highlight the internal conflict between his desire for respect and his exploitative tendencies.
Introduce a character who challenges the group's views on the dwarf, providing a contrasting perspective that could lead to a more meaningful discussion about respect and exploitation.
Incorporate pauses or reactions from the characters during their dialogue to allow the audience to digest the absurdity of their conversation and the implications of their actions.
Create a more gradual transition between the dwarf discussion and Max's entrance, perhaps by having Jordan reflect on the absurdity of their plans before being interrupted by his father, which would heighten the tension and conflict.
Refine the voiceover to focus more on Jordan's feelings about the dwarf and the implications of their plans, rather than diverting into a commentary on hookers, which may detract from the main narrative.

Scene 13 - Rallying the Brokers

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

78 EXT. BEACH HOUSE - SOUTH HAMPTON - DAY (JUN ‘92) 78

Massive, with an Olympic-size pool overlooking the beach.
Dozens of luxury cars parked outside. On a balcony,
Jordan is mid-speech, in a bathing suit, addressing the
Strattonites below, Teresa at his side.

JORDAN (O.C.)
-- so enjoy yourselves, you all
deserve a celebration. ‘Cept for
Kimmie, she’s lazy and she steals. *
(off laughter, Kimmie *
flips him the bird;
he blows her a kiss)
But, everybody, keep this in mind.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 40.
JORDAN (O.C.) (CONT'D)
As my friend Donnie Azoff says,
“If you wanna party with the boys,
you gotta wake up with the men.”
Monday morning I want you all
looking razor-sharp. Cuz
Stratton’s got a few things on the
horizon, things that’re gonna take
it right up into the fucking
stratosphere!

The Crowd goes nuts. One Broker lets loose a wolf-howl,
and the crowd toasts Jordan, chanting his name.

CROWD
Jor-dan! Jor-dan! Jor-dan!

As Jordan looks down smiling like a benevolent dictator --

JORDAN (PRE-LAP)
Fuck Merrill Lynch, this way we
become the underwriters.

ROBBIE (PRE-LAP) *
Like an investment bank.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In June 1992, at a luxurious beach house in South Hampton, Jordan delivers an energetic speech from a balcony, humorously calling out his colleague Kimmie for her laziness, which amuses the crowd. He emphasizes the importance of being sharp for upcoming business ventures, igniting excitement among the brokers who enthusiastically chant his name in celebration. The scene captures the playful tension between leisure and work, showcasing Jordan's charismatic leadership and the camaraderie among his team.

Strengths

Charismatic dialogue
Captivating character interactions
Engaging setting

Weaknesses

Lack of deep emotional impact
Minimal character development

Critique

The scene effectively captures the hedonistic and chaotic atmosphere of Jordan's world, showcasing his charisma and the loyalty of his brokers. However, the humor derived from Kimmie's laziness and the playful banter could risk trivializing the serious consequences of their actions, which might detract from the overall narrative arc.
Jordan's speech is energetic and engaging, but it lacks depth in terms of character development. While it highlights his leadership style, it doesn't reveal much about his internal conflicts or the moral implications of his lifestyle, which could enhance the audience's connection to his character.
The use of the phrase 'benevolent dictator' in the description of Jordan's demeanor is apt, but it could be further emphasized through visual cues or actions that illustrate his control over the crowd. This would reinforce the theme of power dynamics within the brokerage firm.
The transition from the celebratory atmosphere to the serious undertones of their business dealings could be more pronounced. The line about becoming underwriters hints at future consequences, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the celebratory tone of the speech. A stronger bridge between these elements could enhance the scene's impact.
The crowd's reaction is enthusiastic, but it could benefit from more varied responses to Jordan's speech. Including a few skeptical or concerned faces in the crowd could add layers to the scene, highlighting the tension between the brokers' loyalty to Jordan and the potential consequences of their reckless behavior.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of introspection for Jordan during the speech, where he briefly reflects on the cost of their lifestyle or the risks involved, which would add depth to his character and the scene.
Incorporate more physical actions from the crowd that reflect their excitement and loyalty, such as cheers, high-fives, or even a few brokers expressing doubt or concern, to create a more dynamic atmosphere.
Enhance the visual elements of the scene by describing the opulence of the beach house and the luxury cars in more detail, which would further emphasize the excesses of Jordan's lifestyle.
Introduce a moment where Kimmie or another broker challenges Jordan's authority or questions his statements, even if it's in a joking manner. This could create a more balanced dynamic and foreshadow potential conflicts within the group.
Consider ending the scene with a more poignant line or action that hints at the impending consequences of their lifestyle, perhaps through a visual cue or a brief moment of silence before the crowd erupts again, creating a contrast between celebration and the underlying tension.

Scene 14 - Desire Amidst Chaos

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

79 INT. BEACH HOUSE - SOUTH HAMPTON - (LATER THAT) DAY 79

GORGEOUS PEOPLE dance/drink/snort coke. Upstairs, Jordan
plays pool with Sea Otter, Donnie, Robbie, Toby and
Rugrat, assigning ludes with every pocketed ball.

JORDAN
Exactly. We do our own IPO’s and
we will print money.

SEA OTTER
Eat like a bird, shit like an
elephant, baby!

JORDAN
They can take their Harvard asses
under our desks and suck our
cocks.
(to Rugrat)
How soon can you get the paperwork
filed?

RUGRAT
(super-stoned)
Can’t we talk about this Monday?

JORDAN
It’s a simple fucking question.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 41.

RUGRAT
Except I’m looking at three of you
right now.

ROBBIE *
We’ve got Arncliffe National,
they’re looking to go public,
we’ve got --

DONNIE
(very luded)
Oh, oh, Steve... Steve...

JORDAN
What?

DONNIE
...Steve... M-m-madden...

Donnie gesticulates wildly. The guys crack up. WE PUSH
IN ON Donnie, practically drooling, as Jordan gives us a
quick tutorial on ludes...

79A QUAALUDE TUTORIAL *79A

CUT TO: Extreme close up of guys doing drugs. *

JORDAN (V.O.)
The quaalude was first synthesized
in 1951 by an Indian doctor --
that’s dot Indian, not feathers --
as a sedative, and was prescribed
to stressed housewives with sleep
disorders. Pretty soon someone
figured out that if you resisted
the urge to sleep for fifteen
minutes, you got a pretty kick-ass
high from it. Didn’t take long
for people to start abusing ludes,
‘course, and in 1982 the U.S.
Government Schedule One’d them,
along with the rest of the world.
Which meant there was only a
finite amount of these things
left. No shit, you can’t even
find ‘em anymore today. You
people’re all shit outta luck.

79B BACK TO SCENE *79B

JORDAN
(to Donnie)
What’re you saying, buddy?
(to the others)
Shhhh... listen to him...
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 42.

DONNIE
Ssshhhhoes... shhhoooess...

Jordan suspects Donnie may actually be onto something.
But just then...

SEA OTTER
Holy fuck.

Jordan peers over the balcony where Sea Otter’s looking.

NAOMI LAPAGLIA. 22, the hottest blonde ever, has entered
the party with her date BLAIR. She smiles, full lips
parting over perfect white teeth, a ridiculously short
dress barely covering her long tan legs and full breasts.

RUGRAT
My nutsack’s about to explode.

ROBBIE *
Someone’s gotta take that down.

There’s no debate who that someone should be. Eyes
locked on Naomi, Jordan makes his way downstairs.

WITH NAOMI taking in the party, her eyes flitting to
things: art, chandeliers, crystal, etc.

NAOMI (V.O.)
A lotta people would look at me
and think: “golddigger, she’s out
to land the richest husband she
can.” But you see, I came from
nothing. Like, below the poverty
line. And when you come from
nothing, being rich means never
having to go back to that.

Jordan approaches CRISTY, 20s, one of his guests.

CRISTY
Jordan, hey.
(he smiles; Cristy
picks up his intent)
Have you met my friend Naomi?

Jordan takes Naomi’s hand, doesn’t let go.

JORDAN
Naomi.

NAOMI
You have an awesome house. I
don’t think I’ve ever been in a
house like this.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 43.

JORDAN
You like it? I just got it. I
guess it’s okay. Six bedrooms,
two hot-tubs, one off the master
suite overlooking the water. You
like to jet-ski?

Naomi’s date Blair offers his hand to break them apart.
Toby Welch lurks behind him, giving him the evil-eye.

BLAIR
Hi. Blair Hollingsworth.

Jordan barely acknowledges him, focused on Naomi.

Outside, HILDY AZOFF chats with Teresa. Her eyes stray
to Jordan chatting up Naomi. Teresa’s eyes follow hers
and sees them. Ouch. Hildy goes.

JORDAN
You’re telling me you’ve never jet-
ski’ed in your life?!

NAOMI
Never.

BLAIR
Y’know, we really should hit it,
there’s two other parties we’re
s’posed to get to --

JORDAN
What? You just got here. Stay.

Naomi looks like she’d like to. Hildy approaches,
introduces herself, then:

HILDY
Jordan, Teresa needs your help.

JORDAN
With what?

HILDY
I dunno, you’ll have to ask your
wife what she wants.

Jordan sees: Teresa is watching from afar.

DONNIE(O.S.)
Oh sweet Jesus!

Jordan turns to see a drunk Donnie, cock in hand, jerking
off to Naomi. Hildy comes running over.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 44.

HILDY
Donnie! What the fuck are you
doing?!

During the melee that follows -- Hildy admonishing
Donnie, Blair removing Naomi from the party --

JORDAN (V.O.)
The day I met Naomi was the day I
truly became the Wolf. Every guy
wanted her -- so I had to have
her.

-- Jordan watches her go. Naomi shoots a glance back to
him and, like that, he’s hooked.

80 SCENES 80 - 81 OMITTED 80

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary At a lavish beach house party, Jordan is captivated by Naomi, a stunning blonde who arrives with her date, Blair. As Jordan attempts to impress her, his friend Donnie disrupts the atmosphere by exposing himself, creating chaos that Hildy tries to manage. Despite the distractions, Jordan's infatuation with Naomi intensifies, leaving him determined to pursue her as she departs the party.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Vibrant characters
Setting up conflicts and dynamics effectively

Weaknesses

Potential for stereotypical portrayals of wealth and excess

Critique

The scene effectively captures the hedonistic atmosphere of the beach house party, showcasing the excesses of Jordan's lifestyle. However, the dialogue can feel a bit disjointed at times, particularly with the rapid shifts between characters and their interactions. This could be streamlined to enhance clarity and flow.
Jordan's character is well-established as a charismatic leader, but the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of his motivations. While he is focused on impressing Naomi, the stakes of his actions could be heightened to create more tension and urgency.
The introduction of Naomi is visually striking, but her internal monologue feels somewhat disconnected from the action. Integrating her thoughts more seamlessly into the scene could enhance her character development and provide a clearer contrast to Jordan's perspective.
The comedic elements, particularly Donnie's antics, add levity to the scene, but they risk overshadowing the more serious undertones of Jordan's obsession with wealth and status. Balancing humor with the darker themes of the narrative could create a more nuanced portrayal of the characters.
The scene ends with a strong visual of Jordan being hooked by Naomi, but it could benefit from a more explicit emotional or thematic connection to the overall narrative. This would help reinforce the significance of this moment in Jordan's journey.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to improve pacing and coherence, ensuring that each character's lines contribute to the overall flow of the scene.
Explore Jordan's internal conflict more deeply, perhaps through additional voiceover or visual cues that highlight his obsession with Naomi and the lengths he is willing to go to win her over.
Integrate Naomi's internal thoughts more fluidly into the scene, perhaps by using her observations to comment on the absurdity of the party and the characters around her.
Balance the comedic elements with the darker themes by allowing moments of reflection for Jordan amidst the chaos, showcasing the consequences of his lifestyle even in celebratory settings.
Enhance the emotional stakes of the scene by foreshadowing the impact of Jordan's obsession with Naomi on his relationships and future decisions, creating a stronger thematic connection to the overall narrative.

Scene 15 - Temptation in the City

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

82 INT. SIGN OF THE DOVE - MANHATTAN - NIGHT (JUN ‘92) 82

Romantic; elegant. Over a bottle of ‘53 Lafite, Jordan
sits in mid conversation with Naomi, who is stunning in a
low-cut black cocktail dress.

JORDAN
Bay Ridge. That’s near Staten
Island?

NAOMI
Brooklyn, across the Verrazano
Bridge. Guinea gulch. Ever been?

JORDAN
You’re Italian?

NAOMI
My dad’s side. Also Dutch,
German, English -- I’m a mutt.
Actually I have family over there,
in London. My Aunt Emma.

JORDAN
That explains it then.

NAOMI
What?

JORDAN
(smiles)
You’re a Duchess. The Duchess of
Bay Ridge.

Naomi smiles, flags a passing WAITER.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 45.

NAOMI
Could I have a straw please?

The Waiter nods, heads off. A few beats, then:

NAOMI (CONT’D)
So I was a little surprised you
asked Cristy for my number.

JORDAN
How come?

NAOMI
Aren’t you married?

JORDAN
Married people can’t have friends?

Naomi smiles. The Waiter brings the straw. She opens
it, slips it in her red wine glass. Off Jordan’s look:

NAOMI
So I don’t stain my teeth.

And as she sips the wine seductively through the straw...

83 EXT. BROOKLYN BRIDGE - NIGHT 83

Jordan’s Ferrari makes its way over the bridge, heading
back toward Brooklyn.

NAOMI (O.S.)
--then at night I do my designs.

84 INT. JORDAN’S FERRARI - CONTINUOUS 84

Jordan drives, Naomi next to him.

NAOMI
An entire line of lingerie --
camisoles, bustiers, panties.

Jordan glances over -- her dress is riding up her thigh.

JORDAN (V.O.)
She designs panties?! Jesus
fucking Christ!

Naomi smiles.

JORDAN
Sounds like something I might
invest in. Venture capital.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 46.

NAOMI
Well we should definitely keep in
touch, then.

JORDAN
Absolutely.

He pulls over outside her brownstone.

NAOMI
That’s me.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Think, Jordan, think! How can you
get up to her apartment?!

They look at each other. We can almost hear Jordan’s
heart pounding.

NAOMI
You wanna come up for some tea?

85 INT. NAOMI’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 85

A small, cozy apartment. Naomi enters, Jordan close
behind. She picks up Rocky, her yapping Maltese.

NAOMI
Say hi, Rocky.

Naomi waves Rocky’s paw. Jordan smiles.

NAOMI (CONT’D)
Why don’t you light a fire? I’ll
be right out.

Jordan nods, takes in her scent as she walks away.

JORDAN (V.O.)
God, please help me. How can I
fuck this girl?

As he crouches by the fireplace, his skypager vibrates.
He checks the readout: “Teresa”. His face falls as he
hits the “silent” button, mind racing with guilt.

JORDAN (V.O.)
That’s it, you’re leaving. You’re
going home to your wife.

Jordan stands, turns around -- NAOMI is in the doorway,
naked except for high heels.

JORDAN (V.O.)
As you can probably guess, I
fucked her goddamn brains out.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 47.

86 INT. NAOMI’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 86

Rocky yaps incessantly as Jordan pounds away atop Naomi.

JORDAN (V.O.)
For eleven seconds.

Jordan cums loudly, convulsively.

JORDAN
I’m sorry, I--

NAOMI
Did you cum?

JORDAN
(nods; gasping)
Yeah, but I’m still hard.

Jordan looks down at her.

JORDAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Being inside her... was like your
cock went to heaven and God
himself was cupping your balls.

And as they start fucking again...

87 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 87
(JUN ‘92)

Jordan sits at his desk, telephone to his ear.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I couldn’t get enough.

Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In an elegant Manhattan restaurant, Jordan and Naomi share a flirtatious dinner, where Naomi reveals her mixed heritage and her lingerie designs, igniting chemistry between them. After dinner, Jordan drives Naomi home, and despite his guilt over his marriage, he is drawn into her cozy apartment. The scene culminates in a passionate encounter, showcasing Jordan's struggle between desire and guilt.

Strengths

Strong character development
Emotional depth
Romantic tension

Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Focus on internal struggles

Critique

The scene effectively establishes the chemistry between Jordan and Naomi, using flirtation and humor to create a sense of tension and attraction. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while it is playful, it often feels surface-level and could delve deeper into their characters' motivations and desires.
Jordan's internal monologue provides insight into his thoughts and feelings, but it sometimes detracts from the immediacy of the scene. The voiceover could be used more sparingly to allow the visual storytelling and dialogue to carry the emotional weight.
The transition from the restaurant to the car and then to Naomi's apartment is smooth, but the pacing could be tightened. The scene could benefit from a more dynamic rhythm, perhaps by interspersing more action or physicality between the dialogue exchanges.
The introduction of the dog, Rocky, adds a layer of domesticity to Naomi's character, but it could be used more effectively to contrast with Jordan's chaotic lifestyle. This could enhance the thematic tension between their worlds.
The climax of the scene, where Jordan's guilt clashes with his desire, is impactful but could be heightened. The moment he receives the message from Teresa feels rushed; building more tension before this moment could amplify the stakes and emotional conflict.

Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing the characters to reveal their true feelings and intentions without stating them outright. This can create a richer interaction and deepen the audience's engagement.
Use Jordan's voiceover more strategically, focusing on key moments that enhance the emotional stakes rather than narrating every thought. This will allow the dialogue and actions to resonate more powerfully.
Incorporate more physical actions or gestures during the dialogue to create a more dynamic scene. For example, have Jordan fidget or exhibit nervous energy as he grapples with his guilt, which can visually represent his internal conflict.
Explore the relationship between Jordan and Rocky further. Perhaps Jordan's interaction with the dog could serve as a moment of reflection on his own life choices, contrasting the innocence of the pet with his morally ambiguous actions.
Build more tension leading up to the moment of infidelity. Consider extending the dialogue or adding a moment of hesitation before Jordan receives the message from Teresa, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his decision more acutely.

Scene 16 - Beneath the Surface

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 7

88 INT. NAOMI’S APARTMENT - DAY (JUN ‘92) 88

CLOSE ON Naomi, who talks on the phone, smiling. We PULL
BACK to see the apartment is packed with flowers.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Every chance we got, we’d sneak
off together...

89 INT. LIMOSINE - NIGHT (AUG ‘92) 89

Giggling like a child, Jordan pours coke from a vial,
creating a little mound atop one of Naomi’s breasts.

JORDAN
Hold still, don’t move.
(to the Driver)
Watch the potholes!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 48.

More giggling, then he snorts the coke off her breast,
burying his face in it as he climbs on top of her. Naomi
laughs uncontrollably as the limo glides to a stop. The
door opens from outside -- the Doorman?

TERESA (O.S.)
Get out of the fucking car.

Jordan looks up, locks eyes with Teresa. He jumps off
Naomi, stumbles out, closing the door behind himself.

90 EXT. JORDAN’S MANHATTAN APARTMENT BUILDING - CONTINUOUS 90

JORDAN TERESA
What are you doing home? That whore from the party?
How could you do this to
me?!

The limo takes off. Teresa starts crying...

JORDAN
I thought you were at the beach
house, I--

TERESA
I married you when you had
nothing--

JORDAN
Teresa... I don’t know what to
say.

TERESA
You’re like a totally different
person.

JORDAN
I’m not. I’m sorry. I made a
mistake, okay?

TERESA
Tell me you don’t love her.

JORDAN
I...

TERESA
(off his silence)
Jordan?

Jordan says nothing. Finally, Teresa starts sobbing.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I felt horrible.

Jordan holds her, letting her cry.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 49.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Three days later I filed for
divorce and moved Naomi into the
apartment.

91 INT. JORDAN’S MANHATTAN APARTMENT - DINING ROOM - DUSK 91
(SEP ‘92)

Completely remodelled, all new furniture. Jordan and
Naomi sit at the table, set for a candle-light dinner.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Say what you will, but the Duchess
did have style. She brought in a
decorator, feng shui’d the place--
she even hired a gay butler.

NICHOLAS THE BUTLER, 40s, enters with hot towels on a
silver tray.

JORDAN
Thank you, Nicholas.

Jordan takes a towel, wipes his face. Naomi smiles.

JORDAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
He was smart, sophisticated,
really great. Except for that
one time...

92 SCENES 92 - 94 OMITTED * 92

95 INT. JORDAN’S MANHATTAN APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT * 95

A GAY ORGY is in progress, a dozen naked MEN, including
Nicholas, in various sexual positions about the room.

NAOMI
Omigod!

96 INT. JORDAN’S MANHATTAN APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 96

Jordan sits across from a very shaken Naomi.

NAOMI
He must have thought I was at my
mother’s.

JORDAN
Where were they? In the bedroom?

NAOMI
They were right here!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 50.

A beat, then Jordan realizes. He jumps off the couch
like it’s on fire.

NAOMI (CONT’D)
It gets worse. After I chased
them out, I checked the apartment.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The motherfucker stole fifty grand
in cash and jewelry.

Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a vibrant apartment filled with flowers, Naomi joyfully reminisces about her relationship with Jordan. The scene shifts to a limousine where their playful drug use is interrupted by Teresa, who confronts Jordan about his infidelity, leading to a heated argument and his decision to divorce her. As Jordan and Naomi enjoy a romantic candle-lit dinner in their newly remodeled apartment, chaos erupts when Naomi discovers a wild gay orgy taking place, alongside the shocking revelation that their butler, Nicholas, has stolen a significant amount of money and jewelry. The scene captures the emotional turmoil and betrayal that disrupts their seemingly perfect life.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character dynamics
Tension building

Weaknesses

Potentially cliched elements
Lack of external action

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and hedonistic lifestyle of Jordan and Naomi, showcasing their relationship's volatility. The juxtaposition of the romantic dinner setting with the shocking revelation of the orgy creates a strong contrast that heightens the drama.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset, but it could be more reflective. Instead of just stating facts, it could delve deeper into his emotional conflict regarding his infidelity and the consequences of his actions.
The dialogue between Jordan and Teresa is impactful, but it feels somewhat rushed. The emotional weight of Teresa's heartbreak could be expanded upon to create a more profound connection with the audience. This would enhance the stakes of Jordan's choices.
The transition from the intimate dinner to the chaotic orgy is abrupt. While this serves to shock the audience, it may benefit from a more gradual build-up or foreshadowing to make the revelation feel more earned.
The character of Nicholas, the butler, is introduced but not fully developed. His role in the story could be expanded to add depth to the narrative, perhaps by hinting at his motivations or background, which would make the betrayal more impactful.

Suggestions

Consider adding more internal conflict in Jordan's voiceover, exploring his feelings of guilt and desire as he navigates his relationships with both Teresa and Naomi.
Expand Teresa's dialogue to allow her to express her feelings more fully, giving the audience a clearer understanding of her emotional state and the stakes involved in Jordan's infidelity.
Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing about the orgy earlier in the scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow leading up to the shocking reveal.
Develop Nicholas's character further, perhaps by including a brief backstory or a moment that hints at his duplicity, making the betrayal feel more significant.
Consider using visual motifs or symbols throughout the scene to enhance the emotional undertones, such as contrasting lighting between the romantic dinner and the chaotic orgy, to visually represent the duality of Jordan's life.

Scene 17 - Betrayal in the City

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

97 INT. JORDAN’S MANHATTAN APARTMENT - LIBRARY - DAY 97
(OCT ‘92)

With Nicholas seated in a chair, Jordan sits across from
him. Pacing behind him is Donnie, coked-up, face
contorted, frothing with rage. Nearby, giant Chester
Ming sits quietly, saying nothing.

JORDAN
I just want my stuff back, okay?

NICHOLAS THE BUTLER
I didn’t take anything.

DONNIE
(in his face)
I should kill you, cocksucker!
You do not fuck with this man!

Jordan holds Donnie off. Turns back to Nicholas.

JORDAN
You were high, things got out of
control, I get it. Believe me I
do, I have a Phd in debauchery.

NICHOLAS THE BUTLER
I didn’t do it.

DONNIE
I’ll knock your fuckin’ teeth out,
motherfucker!

JORDAN
Just give me the money, give me
the jewelry, and we’ll forget the
whole thing.

NICHOLAS THE BUTLER
It’s because I’m gay, isn’t it?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 51.

JORDAN
Nicholas. You could fuck a baby
sheep as far as I care, on my
brand new fucking sofa. What I
won’t stand for is being robbed.

NICHOLAS THE BUTLER
I’m telling you the truth.

JORDAN
I’ll ask you one last time.

DONNIE
You’re dead, you piece of shit!

NICHOLAS THE BUTLER
Jordan, please.

JORDAN
Fine.

Jordan nods to Chester. Without a word, he crosses to
Nicholas and BAMMM!! Nicholas’s nose splits open like a
ripe plum, blood spurting everywhere. Tough-guy Donnie
takes one look, then SPEWS vomit into a garbage pail.
And as Chester pummels Nicholas’s face into chopped
meat...

JORDAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
It’s amazing the kind of loyalty
money will buy. I mean Chester
almost killed this prick.

Chester starts to hang Nicholas over the balcony by his
legs. Jordan stops him.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I finally called the cops, mainly
to save Nicholas’s life.

98 INT. JORDAN’S MANHATTAN APARTMENT - FOYER - DAY 98

With the bloodied Nicholas in the background, Jordan
talks to two NYPD COPS, handing them each a wad of cash.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I gave them each a thousand bucks
and told them what Nicholas had
done. Then they kicked his ass.

As the Cops swat Nicholas with their nightsticks:

COP #1 COP #2
Fuckin’ thief, huh? Piece of shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 52.

And as they hustle Nicholas out...

JORDAN (V.O.)
Loyalty, like I said. Which was
the key component to my incredible
fucking success.

98A EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY (OCT ‘92) 98A

As Jordan golfs with Donnie, Chester, Robbie, Toby and *
some hookers, Brad pulls up in a golf cart with a cash- *
filled gym bag.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Besides Brad, I had eight other
‘ratholes’, close friends who’d
own stock on paper, but kick the
profits back to me after I drove
the price through the roof.

They hug, then Jordan adds the gym bag to several others
on the back of his golf cart. Donnie tries to befriend
Brad; Brad isn’t interested.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The SEC knew I was doing something
shady, but they couldn’t figure
out what the fuck it was.

99 SCENES 99 - 100 OMITTED 99

Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In Jordan's Manhattan apartment, tensions escalate as he confronts Nicholas, the butler, over stolen money and jewelry. High on cocaine, Donnie threatens Nicholas, while silent enforcer Chester brutally assaults him. Despite Nicholas's denials, Jordan orchestrates the violence and later pays off the police to take action against Nicholas, reflecting on the corrupting power of money and loyalty.

Strengths

Intense emotions
Effective dialogue
Character dynamics
Themes of loyalty and betrayal

Weaknesses

Violence may be too graphic for some audiences

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and violent atmosphere that surrounds Jordan's world, showcasing the extremes of his lifestyle. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly in the back-and-forth between Jordan and Nicholas. This could be streamlined to maintain tension without losing the audience's engagement.
The character dynamics are strong, particularly the contrast between Jordan's calm demeanor and Donnie's explosive rage. However, Chester's role as a silent enforcer could be expanded to give him more presence in the scene. A few lines or actions that hint at his thoughts or motivations could add depth to his character.
The use of voiceover is effective in conveying Jordan's perspective on loyalty and success, but it risks overshadowing the immediate action. Balancing the voiceover with the live dialogue could enhance the emotional impact of the scene, allowing the audience to feel the tension in real-time rather than through narration.
The physical violence is visceral and shocking, which aligns with the tone of the film. However, the transition from dialogue to violence could be more gradual to build suspense. The suddenness of the violence might detract from the emotional stakes of the confrontation.
The scene ends with a strong visual of the cops taking Nicholas away, but it could benefit from a more explicit emotional reaction from Jordan. This would help to ground the audience in his character's moral ambiguity and the consequences of his actions.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue between Jordan and Nicholas to eliminate redundancy and keep the tension high. Focus on key phrases that convey urgency and desperation.
Give Chester a moment to express his thoughts or feelings about the situation, even if it's just a brief line or a facial expression. This will make him feel more like an active participant rather than a background character.
Reassess the balance between voiceover and dialogue. Perhaps use the voiceover to set up the scene before the confrontation, then let the dialogue carry the weight of the moment during the action.
Build up to the violence with more tension in the dialogue. Perhaps have Jordan and Nicholas exchange more heated words before the physical altercation, creating a sense of inevitable conflict.
Add a moment at the end where Jordan reflects on the violence he just witnessed, either through a brief internal monologue or a reaction shot that shows his conflicted feelings about the situation.

Scene 18 - Chaos in the Bullpen

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

101 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - (ANOTHER) DAY 101

Jordan, Max and securities lawyer MANNY RISKIN exit the
kitchen with coffees.

MANNY RISKIN
I’m telling you -- piss on the
SEC’s leg, you’ll end up with your
tits in a ringer.

FREEZE FRAME - Manny stuffs a cruller into his mouth.

JORDAN (V.O.)
My securities attorney, Manny
Riskin. Seven hundred an hour to *
be the voice of doom.

BACK TO SCENE

JORDAN
It’s under control. Will you
relax already?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 53.

Just then, Max spots a BROKER break-dancing as three
other Brokers look on...

MAX
What the fuck is this imbecile
doing?!

Max crosses off, starts screaming at the break-dancing
Broker. Jordan keeps walking with Manny.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The SEC sent two lawyers down to
review our files, so I set them
up in our conference room.

Jordan passes the conference room, looks in the window--
two SEC ATTORNEYS wear coats as they review documents.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Then I had it bugged and the air
conditioning locked till it felt
like Antarctica in there.

One of the SEC Attorneys blows into his hands for warmth.
Manny follows Jordan toward the bullpen, his frenzied
Brokers working the phones.

JORDAN (V.O.)
So here they were, looking for a
smoking gun while I was firing a
bazooka right under their noses.
It was our first IPO, and we were
driving the stock price to the
fucking moon.

BROKER #1
Arncliffe National, it’s on fire!

BROKER #2
(voice lowered)
Believe me, your grandkids will
thank you.

BROKER #3
(to Sales Assistant)
Arncliffe National, ten thousand
shares!

Jordan speaks directly to camera as he continues walking
through the bullpen.

JORDAN
See an IPO is an initial public
offering, the first time a stock
is offered for sale to the general
population.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 54.
JORDAN (CONT'D)
As the firm taking the company
public, we set the initial price,
then sold those shares back to -- *
(stops; then)
You know what, you’re probably not *
following what I’m saying. The *
question is, “was it legal?” *
Absolutely not. But we were making *
more money that we knew what to do *
with. *

102 SCENE 102 OMITTED 102

102A EXT. BANK - DAY - ESTABLISHING (OCT ‘92) 102A
*

103 INT. BANK - SAFE DEPOSIT VAULT - DAY (OCT ‘92) 103

Alone in a private room, Jordan unloads a small suitcase
filled with stacks and stacks of hundred dollar bills.

JORDAN (V.O.)
But I figured it out. *

CLOSE ON - a huge diamond engagement ring.

NAOMI (O.C.)
Omigod!!

104 INT. FOUR SEASONS RESTAURANT - NIGHT (OCT ‘92) 104

Jordan is down on one knee, proposing; Naomi
hyperventilates as he puts the ring on her finger -- a
seven carat, yellow canary diamond in a platinum setting.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I held my bachelor party at the
Tangiers in Las Vegas -- one last *
blowout for the Gods before I
settled down for good.

105 SCENE 105 OMITTED 105

106 INT. TRANS CAPITAL AIRLINES - JUMBO JET - NIGHT *106

Inside a jumbo jet, a wild, mid-air party is in progress.

JORDAN (V.O.)
A hundred Strattonites flew in
with fifty hookers and enough
drugs to open a pharmacy.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 55.

Various images -- Stratton Brokers drink, do coke, a half-
dozen in mid-orgy with Hookers, naked in the aisle as
others pour champagne on them.

JORDAN (V.O.)
All told, the weekend cost me
almost two million dollars--

107 PERIOD VEGAS ADS *107

108 INT. TANGIERS - PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY *108

The Tangiers Presidential Suite is a shambles on the *
level of Hiroshima. A giant crystal chandelier lays
shattered on the floor; Jordan asleep in the massive bed,
a Blue Chip Hooker on either side of him; other passed-
out BODIES lay amid debris and broken, toppled furniture.

JORDAN (V.O.)
But the wedding was like something
out of a fairy tale--

109 EXT. OCEAN CLUB - BAHAMAS - SUNSET (DEC ‘92) 109

Gorgeous; tropical. Hundreds of FAMILY and FRIENDS
(Janet, Toby Welch, Peter DeBlasio and Kimmie Belzer)
look on as Jordan and Naomi walk up the aisle.

JORDAN (V.O.)
--with Naomi my Duchess, me her
handsome Duke and The Bahamas
Ocean Club our castle.

110 INT. OCEAN CLUB - BAHAMAS - BALLROOM - NIGHT 110

Jordan and Naomi waltz, their Guests joining in.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Of course after that bachelor
party, the Duke needed a few
penicillin shots so he could
safely consummate the marriage.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the bustling bullpen of Stratton Oakmont, Jordan, Max, and securities lawyer Manny Riskin discuss the SEC's scrutiny of their operations over coffee. Max becomes frustrated by a broker's break-dancing, while Jordan confidently reflects on how he has bugged the SEC attorneys' conference room to continue his illegal activities unnoticed. Amidst the frenetic energy of brokers promoting their IPO, Arncliffe National, Jordan explains the nature of IPOs and their legality, dismissing Manny's warnings about potential consequences. The scene captures the reckless confidence of Jordan and the chaotic atmosphere of the brokerage firm.

Strengths

Engaging characters
Sharp dialogue
Compelling concept

Weaknesses

Depiction of unethical behavior
Excessive focus on excess and luxury

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic atmosphere of Stratton Oakmont, showcasing the frenetic energy of the brokers and the tension surrounding the SEC's scrutiny. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to enhance character differentiation and make Manny's lines more impactful. Currently, his warning feels somewhat generic and lacks a unique voice.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset and the illegal activities at play, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. Instead of merely stating facts, consider incorporating his internal conflict or justifications for his actions, which would add layers to his character.
The visual elements, such as the break-dancing broker, serve to illustrate the absurdity of the environment, but the scene could use more specific details to ground the viewer in the chaos. For instance, describing the sounds, smells, or even the expressions of the brokers could enhance the immersive quality of the scene.
The transition from the kitchen to the bullpen feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. Perhaps a brief moment where Jordan reflects on the absurdity of the situation before entering the bullpen would create a more cohesive narrative.
While the humor in the scene is evident, it sometimes undermines the gravity of the situation with the SEC. Balancing the comedic elements with the tension of the impending investigation could create a more compelling dynamic.

Suggestions

Revise Manny's dialogue to make it more distinctive and memorable, perhaps by incorporating a personal anecdote or a unique catchphrase that reflects his character.
Deepen Jordan's voiceover by exploring his internal justifications for his actions, which would provide a more nuanced view of his character and the moral ambiguity of his choices.
Add sensory details to the scene to enhance the chaotic atmosphere, such as the sounds of ringing phones, shouting brokers, or the smell of coffee and sweat, to create a more vivid experience for the audience.
Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jordan as he transitions from the kitchen to the bullpen, allowing the audience to connect with his mindset and the absurdity of the situation.
Balance the humor with the tension of the SEC investigation by incorporating moments of seriousness or concern from Jordan or Manny, which would heighten the stakes and create a more engaging conflict.

Scene 19 - Waves of Celebration and Conflict

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

111 INT. OCEAN CLUB - BAHAMAS - BALLROOM - LATER 111

As Jordan and Naomi mingle with a few Strattonites,
videographer BARRY KLEINMAN, 40s, approaches Rugrat and
his DATE, ABBY with a video camera:
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 56.

BARRY KLEINMAN
I’m Barry Kleinman, filming the
wedding -- would you like to say
something to Jordan and Naomi?

RUGRAT / ABBY
Good luck! We love you!

Across the way, Naomi spots someone through the crowd--

NAOMI
Omigod! Aunt Emma!

Naomi rushes over, hugs her AUNT EMMA, 50s, demure,
British. Naomi turns, calls out to Jordan, who is now in
a huddle with the guys, his back to her.

NAOMI (CONT’D)
Jordan! Look!

Jordan turns, then crosses to them, smiling.

AUNT EMMA
Jordan dear, how lovely.

JORDAN
It’s so nice to see you again.

As he leans in to hug her, Aunt Emma spots some white
powder on the edge of Jordan’s nostril. Deftly, she
wipes it off, smiling.

AUNT EMMA
Into the donuts, I see.

JORDAN
Oh, I’m--- uh...

Aunt Emma leans in to his ear.

AUNT EMMA
I lived through the 60s, my dear.
Enjoy the day.

And with that, she turns back to Naomi.

112 EXT. BAHAMAS - MARINA - DAY (DEC ‘92) 112

With Naomi wearing a blindfold, Jordan leads her to the
end of a long dock, expensive yachts moored everywhere.

JORDAN
Careful now. You ready?

Jordan removes her blindfold -- there, towering above the
others, is a stunning, 120 foot yacht.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 57.

NAOMI
What is this?

JORDAN
Your wedding present. Check out
the name.

She does; it’s called “Naomi”. As she squeals, hugs him-

JORDAN (V.O.)
For three weeks we sailed the
Naomi through the Caribbean--

113 INT. YACHT NAOMI - DAY (DEC ‘92) 113

The camera PUSHES IN past a white-jacketed STEWARD,
who opens the door to the yacht’s main salon; next we see
the living room, with its full bar and leather couches;
then the bedroom, with a king bed and monogrammed sheets.

JORDAN (V.O.)
--eventually taking her home to
Long Island, where we’d bought a
house.

114 EXT. CARIBBEAN - OPEN OCEAN - DAY (DEC ‘92 - JAN ‘93) 114

The Naomi sails the calm waters, Jordan and Naomi popping
ludes, sunbathing blissfully on the deck.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Seven acres on the Gold Coast of
Long Island--

115-115K EXT./INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - DAY (APR ‘93) 115-115K

Various shots -- the massive house; the glistening pool;
waterfall; fountains; tennis court; driving range;
gazebo; gym; sauna; library; media room.

JORDAN (V.O.)
--the most expensive real estate
in the world, with maids, cooks,
landscapers, you name it.

115L WE SEE the household STAFF lined up outside the house. 115L

JORDAN (V.O.)
We even had two guards who worked
in shifts, both named Rocco.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 58.

116 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (FEB ‘95) 116

Amid billowing piles of white Chinese silk, Jordan sleeps
on his back, snoring blissfully.

JORDAN (V.O.)
It was heaven on earth.

On screen WE SEE:

18 MONTHS LATER

Splash! A glass of water hits him in the face.

NAOMI
Wake up, you bag of shit!

Soaking wet, Jordan sits upright to see Naomi standing
over him in a tiny pink chemise, holding an empty glass.

JORDAN
The fuck are you doing?!

NAOMI
Who’s Venice?

JORDAN
What?!

NAOMI
Who is she?! Some little hooker
you fucked last night?

JORDAN
What? No! Naomi!

And as Naomi storms off for a re-fill...

117 INT. HOTEL ROOM - THE NIGHT BEFORE (FEB ‘95) 117

Jordan lies on the ground, hands tied with a lit candle *
up his ass. *

JORDAN *
Venice, where are you? *

VENICE, A Blue Chip Hooker, enters, pulls out a candle *
and straddles him. She drips wax on his back and pulls *
his hair. *

Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary At a wedding reception in the Bahamas, Jordan and Naomi celebrate their union amidst joyful interactions with guests, including a humorous reunion with Aunt Emma, who comments on Jordan's drug use. Jordan surprises Naomi with a luxurious yacht named 'Naomi,' showcasing their extravagant lifestyle. However, the scene takes a tense turn as Naomi confronts Jordan about his fidelity, leading to an angry wake-up call that hints at deeper issues in their relationship.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Complex characters
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Stereotypical character dynamics

Critique

The scene effectively captures the extravagant lifestyle of Jordan and Naomi, showcasing their wealth and the superficiality of their relationships. However, the transition from the wedding reception to the yacht reveal feels a bit abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
The dialogue between Aunt Emma and Jordan is humorous and adds depth to their relationship, but it could benefit from more subtext. While Aunt Emma's comment about the 'donuts' is clever, it might be more impactful if it hinted at deeper concerns about Jordan's lifestyle rather than just being a light-hearted quip.
The voiceover narration provides insight into Jordan's mindset and the opulence of his life, but it risks becoming repetitive. The audience may already grasp the excessiveness of his lifestyle, so varying the narrative style or incorporating more visual storytelling could keep the audience engaged.
The montage of their life on the yacht and in their estate is visually rich, but it could be more emotionally resonant. Currently, it feels like a checklist of luxury items rather than a portrayal of their relationship dynamics. Adding moments that highlight their emotional connection or disconnection would deepen the impact.
The final moment with Naomi waking Jordan up is a strong emotional pivot, but the dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of jumping straight to accusations, consider building tension with more subtle hints of her suspicions before the confrontation. This would enhance the dramatic stakes.

Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jordan after Aunt Emma's comment, allowing the audience to see his internal conflict regarding his lifestyle and choices.
Enhance the transition between the wedding reception and the yacht reveal by incorporating a brief moment of dialogue or action that connects the two settings, perhaps involving other guests or a shared toast.
Incorporate more visual storytelling during the montage, such as showing Jordan and Naomi engaging in activities that reveal their relationship dynamics, rather than just showcasing their possessions.
Revise the dialogue in the confrontation scene to build tension gradually, allowing Naomi's suspicions to simmer before she confronts Jordan directly. This could involve her asking leading questions or expressing concern about his behavior.
Consider using a more varied narrative style in the voiceover, perhaps incorporating Jordan's thoughts in a more fragmented or chaotic manner to reflect his mental state as his life begins to unravel.

Scene 20 - Confrontation of Betrayal

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

118 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (FEB ‘95) 118

Back to scene. Naomi holds another full glass, rocking
back and forth on the balls of her feet like a fighter.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 59.

NAOMI
You were calling her name in your
sleep!

JORDAN
I can explain everything.

NAOMI
Go ahead. More lies from the man
who lies for a living!

JORDAN
No, really. Donnie and me, we’re
investing in a condo development
in Venice.

NAOMI
Italy?!

JORDAN
California, baby.

NAOMI
Yeah, right.

JORDAN
Duchess, come on.

NAOMI
Don’t ‘Duchess’ me, you scumbag.
You think I don’t know what you’re
up to? You’re a father now and
you act like an infant!

Splash! She nails him again, crosses for more water.

JORDAN
Fuck. Naomi! Why are you so mad?

NAOMI
Where do you want me to start?
How about you flying in here on
your stupid helicopter at three in
the morning waking up Skylar?!

119 EXT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - YARD - NIGHT (FEB ‘95) 119

Jordan crash-lands the helicopter on the driving range. *
He exits, gives Captain Dave a salute, fights his way *
through the bushes, then stumbles toward the house and *
falls into the pool, stoned out of his skull. Security *
floodlights come on and the alarm sounds. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 60.

NAOMI (O.S.)
Does it even matter to you that I
just had that driving range sodded
with Bermuda grass?

120 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (FEB ‘95) 120

Back to scene. Naomi holds another glass of water.

NAOMI
But why should you give a shit?
You're not the one who researched
the fucking thing and dealt with
the fucking golf course people!

JORDAN
You’re an aspiring landscape
architect?! But what happened to
wine connoisseur? Oh wait, that
was last month!

NAOMI
Fuck you!

Naomi winds up with the water glass. Jordan stands tall,
puffs himself up, arms flexed at his sides.

NAOMI (CONT’D)
Stop flexing your arms, you look
like a fucking imbecile.
(re: his crotch)
And don’t think that impresses me
much.

Jordan looks down: he has a morning erection.

JORDAN
I wasn't flexing my arms. You're
just lucky to have a husband who's
in such great shape. Now get over
here and kiss me!

NAOMI
Kiss you?!

Splash! She nails him one last time, then storms out.
He stands there dripping wet. To his erection:

JORDAN
Where the fuck were you last
night?

JORDAN (V.O.)
My morning ritual. First I’d get
up and fight with Naomi about
whatever I did the night before.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 61.

120A INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - STEAM SHOWER - DAY 120A

Jordan stands in the steaming shower.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Next it was a steam so I could
sweat out whatever drugs were
still in my system.

120B INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS 120B

Jordan looks at himself in the mirror. His eyes are
bloodshot - he looks like shit.

JORDAN (V.O.)
After that I’d assess the damage.

Jordan looks at a Visine bottle - “Recommended Dosage -
Two Drops”. He squirts six drops in each eye.

JORDAN (V.O.)
What kind of maniac abuses eye
drops?

121 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - DRESSING ROOM - DAY (FEB ‘95) 121

Fully dressed and standing amid hundreds of suits, Jordan
pops two white pills, swigs some juice.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Then I’d get dressed, take my
“back pills” to get me started,
then attempt to make up with her.

Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a tense confrontation in their master bedroom, Naomi accuses Jordan of infidelity after hearing him call another woman's name in his sleep. Their argument escalates as Naomi expresses her frustration over Jordan's reckless behavior, including a disruptive late-night helicopter arrival. Jordan attempts to downplay the situation by mentioning a condo investment, but Naomi sees through his lies. The scene shifts to Jordan's morning routine, where he reflects on his chaotic lifestyle and his desire to reconcile with Naomi. The conflict remains unresolved as Naomi storms out, leaving Jordan bewildered and alone.

Strengths

Intense emotional conflict
Character depth and development
Effective dialogue

Weaknesses

Potentially repetitive arguments
Limited external action

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and toxic nature of Jordan and Naomi's relationship, showcasing their verbal sparring and the emotional fallout from Jordan's infidelity. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly in Naomi's accusations and Jordan's defensive responses, which may detract from the overall impact of the confrontation.
The use of physical comedy, such as Naomi splashing water on Jordan, adds a layer of humor to the tension, but it risks undermining the seriousness of the emotional stakes. Balancing the comedic elements with the gravity of their issues could enhance the scene's effectiveness.
Jordan's internal monologue provides insight into his mindset, but it could be more tightly integrated with the action. The transition from the argument to his morning routine feels abrupt, and the voiceover could benefit from more specific reflections on his feelings about the fight and his lifestyle choices.
The visual elements, such as Jordan's bloodshot eyes and the chaotic environment of the estate, effectively convey his state of mind. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the estate or the tension in the air during their argument.
The pacing of the scene is uneven, with some moments feeling rushed while others linger too long. Streamlining the dialogue and actions could create a more dynamic rhythm that reflects the volatility of their relationship.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate repetitive phrases and enhance the emotional weight of the confrontation. Focus on unique lines that reveal character motivations and deepen the conflict.
Explore ways to balance the comedic elements with the serious themes of infidelity and emotional turmoil. This could involve adjusting the timing of comedic moments or incorporating more dramatic beats to heighten the stakes.
Integrate Jordan's internal monologue more seamlessly with the action, perhaps by having him reflect on specific moments from the argument as it unfolds, rather than transitioning abruptly to his morning routine.
Add more sensory details to the scene to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds, smells, and visual chaos of the estate to immerse the audience in the environment and enhance the emotional tension.
Revise the pacing to ensure a more consistent flow throughout the scene. Consider varying the rhythm of the dialogue and actions to reflect the intensity of the argument and the chaotic nature of their lives.

Scene 21 - Seduction and Surveillance

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

122 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - SKYLAR’S ROOM - DAY (FEB ‘95) 122

Jordan enters the tiny pink wonderland. On the fluffy
pink carpet is Naomi, now in a minidress hiked above her
hips, Manolo Blahniks showing polished red toes. Between
her legs sits SKYLAR, their 5-month-old daughter.

JORDAN
Hey, Skylar.

NAOMI
(little girl voice)
Good morning Daddy. Where’s my
kiss?

Jordan kisses the baby, picks her up.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 62.

JORDAN
(playing along)
Does Daddy get to kiss both his
girls?

NAOMI
Ohhh, no! Daddy doesn't even get
to touch Mommy for a very, very
long time.

Naomi lays back on her elbows, thighs parted - she’s
wearing no panties. The wind goes out of Jordan.

JORDAN
C’mon, Nay, please. You know how
sorry I am. I swear I--

NAOMI
(cutting him off)
Daddy shouldn’t waste his time.
And from now on it's going to be
nothing but short, short skirts
around the house! And Mommy’s
so sick and tired of wearing
panties, uhhh. In fact she’s
decided to throw them all away.
(parting her thighs)
So take a good look. You’ll be
seeing an awful lot of it around
the house, but no touching.

She licks her lips seductively. Jordan sets Skylar
aside, starts grovelling.

NAOMI (CONT’D)
What’s wrong, Daddy?

Naomi slips her index finger in her mouth, starts sucking
it. Jordan can barely speak.

JORDAN
C’mon, why are you doing this?
I said I’m sorry.

NAOMI
(pouting)
Ohhhh poor, poor Dada. He loves to
say how wrong he is when he’s
ready to come in his own pants.
Isn’t that right Dada? Mommy loves
Daddy so, so much and there’s
nothing she wants to do more right
now than to make love to Daddy all
day long. Well, I guess it’s time
for Daddy to be taught his first
lesson.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 63.

Naomi runs her fingers over her stomach and on to her
inner thigh, then up toward her vagina. Jordan watches
transfixed, then a change comes over him...

JORDAN
I wouldn’t do that if I were you
Mommy. I think Mommy should hear a
story before she decides to please
herself like that.
Can Daddy tell Mommy a story?
(off her nod)
And does mommy promise to keep her
legs spread wide, wide open the
whole time?
(she nods dreamily)
Good. Once upon a time there was
a great big mansion in Long Island
and the people who lived there had
lots and lots of money. But of
all the possessions they had,
there was one thing that was much
more valuable than all the rest
combined, and that was their
little baby daughter.

Naomi listens, legs still spread, hand on her crotch.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Now because he was very security-
conscious, the Daddy hired two
full-time guards, big hairy men
both named Rocco, and they
installed security cameras all
around the house. And one of
those cameras is right over
Daddy's shoulder.

Naomi’s eyes widen -- she look toward a Teddy Bear on a
shelf. WE SEE that one of the eyes is a pinhole camera.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
So smile, Mommy! You're on Candid
Camera!

123 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - GUARD HOUSE - DAY (FEB ‘95) 123

Mesmerized, ROCCO DAY watches a video screen, on which we
see a grainy image of Naomi, hand between her legs.

124 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - SKYLAR’S BEDROOM - DAY (FEB ‘95) 124

Naomi jumps up as if she’s been electrocuted.

NAOMI
You asshole!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 64.

As she bolts from the room, Jordan plays with Skylar...

JORDAN (V.O.)
The good thing about living with
a world-class ballbreaker is they
make all the other ballbreakers in
your life a little easier to take.

125 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - OUTSIDE JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 125
(FEB ‘95)

Donnie stands talking with Jordan’s assistant, Janet.
Jordan approaches under a head of steam.

DONNIE
There he is.

JORDAN
(a quick hug; then)
Steve here yet?

DONNIE
On his way. Very excited.

JORDAN
Good. Cuz we have a problem.

He indicates out to the Bullpen. Donnie and Janet look.

JANET
(incredulous)
Is he wearing a bow tie?

In the Bullpen WE SEE a young Stratton Broker in a bowtie
cleaning a small goldfish bowl on his desk.

JORDAN
He’s got nothing better to do on
the day of the biggest IPO in this
firm’s history?!

Jordan watches as Donnie marches toward the Broker in a
bowtie...

Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In Skylar's room, Jordan finds Naomi provocatively dressed, teasing him while he interacts with their baby daughter. Their playful yet tense exchange escalates as Naomi hints at her lack of underwear, asserting her control over Jordan. In an attempt to regain dominance, Jordan reveals a hidden camera watching them, shocking Naomi and prompting her to angrily flee the room, leaving Jordan with Skylar.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Tension-filled dialogue
Complex character dynamics

Weaknesses

Potentially controversial content
Lack of resolution in the scene

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and complexity of Jordan and Naomi's relationship, showcasing both seduction and manipulation. However, the dialogue can come off as overly explicit and may detract from the emotional weight of the moment. The playful banter is engaging, but it risks feeling gratuitous rather than meaningful.
The use of the hidden camera as a plot device is clever and adds a layer of dark humor, but it also raises ethical questions about consent and privacy. This could alienate some viewers if not handled with care. The scene might benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the power dynamics at play.
Naomi's character is portrayed as both seductive and vindictive, which can be compelling, but it may also reinforce negative stereotypes about women in relationships. It would be beneficial to provide her with more depth or a moment of vulnerability to balance her portrayal.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The buildup to the reveal of the hidden camera is effective, but the transition from playful seduction to shock could be smoother. The abruptness of Naomi's reaction might feel jarring to the audience, and a more gradual escalation could enhance the impact.
Jordan's character continues to be depicted as manipulative and self-serving, which is consistent with his arc. However, it might be interesting to explore a moment of genuine remorse or reflection from him, even if fleeting, to add complexity to his character.

Suggestions

Consider toning down the explicitness of the dialogue to maintain the scene's emotional resonance without crossing into gratuitous territory. Focus on the underlying emotions rather than just the physicality.
Explore Naomi's character further by adding a moment that reveals her vulnerabilities or motivations. This could create a more balanced dynamic between her and Jordan.
Smooth out the pacing by adding transitional beats that allow the audience to absorb the shift from playful to shocking. This could involve more internal dialogue from Jordan or subtle visual cues that foreshadow Naomi's reaction.
Revisit the ethical implications of the hidden camera and ensure that the scene addresses the power dynamics in a way that feels responsible and thought-provoking.
Incorporate a brief moment of introspection for Jordan after Naomi's reaction, allowing the audience to see a glimpse of his internal conflict, which could add depth to his character.

Scene 22 - A Fishy Display of Dominance

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

126 INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS 126

DONNIE
The fuck you doing?

BROKER IN A BOWTIE
(bewildered)
Cleaning my fishbowl.

DONNIE
Oh.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 65.

Donnie nods, turns to go, but suddenly he turns back and
thrusts his arm in the bowl, grabbing for the squirming
goldfish. The Broker in a bowtie looks on, horrified.

DONNIE(CONT’D)
On new issue day?! On
cocksucking, motherfucking
new issue day?!

Dozen of Brokers and Sales Assistants look over as Donnie
snatches up the fish. Holding it by its tail, he jumps *
up on the desk of the Broker in a bowtie. Now the entire
Bullpen looks over.

DONNIE(CONT’D)
This is what happens when you fuck
with your pets on new issue day!

With the flair of a showman, Donnie pops the fish in his
mouth, swallowing it whole. The Brokers cheer wildly.
Donnie jumps down, gets in the face of the Broker in a
bowtie:

DONNIE(CONT’D)
Now take your bowtie, get your
shit and get the fuck out!

Bowtie is stunned. And as Donnie storms off, we PUSH IN
on Jordan, watching from across the room.

127 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 127
(FEB ‘95)

Jordan finishes a phone call as Donnie enters with STEVE
MADDEN, 30s, dressed in wrinkled navy blazer, cargo pants
and T-shirt, a baseball cap over his scraggly, thinning
hair. Jordan smiles, crosses to greet him.

JORDAN
The Cobbler. Ready to get rich?

STEVE MADDEN
Hey buddy.

And as they ad lib greetings, settle in at the couch:

JORDAN (V.O.)
Steve Madden, the shoe designer,
was a childhood friend of
Donnie’s, but I didn’t hold that
against him. Remember those ads,
those giant-headed girls with bug
eyes wearing those big clunky
shoes?

127A INSERT - a quick series of Steve Madden ads. 127A
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 66.

JORDAN (V.O.)
He came to me a few years earlier
when he was just starting out, so
I became a silent partner in his
company, buying an 85% stake for
only a million bucks.

128 INT. STEVE MADDEN SHOES - DAY 128

WE SEE various stores, all packed with teenage GIRLS
buying shoes and boots.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The company blew up and we were
now taking it public. It was the
biggest deal we’d ever done and
the hottest IPO on Wall Street.

129 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 129
(FEB ‘95)

Jordan and Donnie sit with Steve Madden in mid-
conversation.

DONNIE
--which is why they need to meet
you.

JORDAN
You gotta get ‘em fired up so
they’ll push the shit out of this
stock.

DONNIE
Let them feel your passion.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a chaotic Wall Street bullpen, Donnie confronts a bewildered broker in a bowtie over his distraction on a crucial new issue day. In a fit of rage, Donnie grabs a goldfish from the broker's bowl, jumps on the desk, and swallows it whole, inciting cheers from the other brokers. He then orders the stunned broker to leave, showcasing his aggressive dominance as Jordan watches the absurd scene unfold.

Strengths

Humor
Engaging dialogue
Unexpected twist

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Slightly exaggerated actions

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and reckless atmosphere of the Stratton Oakmont bullpen, showcasing Donnie's impulsive behavior and the absurdity of the situation. However, the act of swallowing the goldfish, while shocking, may come off as overly theatrical and could detract from the overall tone of the film, which balances dark humor with serious themes.
The dialogue is punchy and reflects the high-energy environment, but it could benefit from more character depth. Donnie's actions are extreme, and while they serve to highlight his character, the scene lacks a deeper exploration of his motivations or the consequences of such behavior, which could enhance the emotional stakes.
The reaction of the other brokers is a strong element, as it emphasizes the culture of excess and bravado at Stratton Oakmont. However, the scene could be improved by showing a more varied range of reactions from the brokers, perhaps including some who are disturbed by Donnie's actions, to create a more nuanced portrayal of the workplace dynamics.
The transition from this scene to the next feels abrupt. While the focus shifts to Jordan and Steve Madden, it would be beneficial to include a brief moment that connects the two scenes, perhaps by showing the aftermath of Donnie's stunt and how it affects the morale or focus of the brokers.

Suggestions

Consider toning down the absurdity of swallowing the goldfish to maintain a balance between humor and the serious implications of their actions. Perhaps Donnie could perform a less extreme act that still conveys his impulsiveness without overshadowing the narrative.
Add a line or two of dialogue that hints at Donnie's internal conflict or the pressure he feels on new issue day, which could provide more depth to his character and make his actions more relatable.
Incorporate a few lines from other brokers that reflect a mix of admiration and horror at Donnie's actions, which would create a more complex atmosphere and highlight the varying moral compasses within the firm.
Include a brief moment of reflection from Jordan after witnessing Donnie's stunt, which could serve as a transition to the next scene and provide insight into how he perceives the chaotic culture he has fostered.

Scene 23 - From Heckling to Hustle: The Madden Stock Rally

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 9

130 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - DAY (FEB ‘95) 130

Bustling with activity. With Jordan and Donnie looking
on from nearby, Steve Madden approaches a microphone on
the raised platform, in his hands several shoe boxes.

STEVE MADDEN
(into mic)
Uhhh... excuse me...

The place slowly comes to order.

STEVE MADDEN (CONT’D)
For those of you who don't know
me, my name is Steve Madden. I'm --

ONE BROKER
We know who you are!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 67.

Steve clears his throat, looks over at Jordan -- he’s
terrified. Jordan motions for him to calm down.

STEVE MADDEN
I uh, I'd like to start by telling
you about my background in the
shoe industry.

ANOTHER BROKER
Nice fucking hat!

STEVE MADDEN
I uh... first started working in
the shoe industry, in a shoe
store. When I was sixteen, my
friends were out chasing girls,
but I was learning about women's
shoes.

KALIL PETER DEBLASIO
Move the mike closer. We can’t fucking hear you! *

He moves the mic; feedback SCREECHES through the bullpen.

STEVE MADDEN (CONT’D)
Sorry... Anyway, my first job
was at a shoe store like I said
where I worked in the stockroom.
You know, I can honestly say I’ve
been a lover of women's shoes
since I was twelve--

BROKER #4
Freak!

STEVE MADDEN
No. Heh-heh. Not like that.
I mean somehow I became fascinated
with the endless design
possibilities for women's shoes--

BROKER #5 BROKER #6
Queer! Get a fucking life!

Boos, hisses. Steve looks at Jordan, who motions for him
to speed up. He grabs a shoe from one of the boxes.

STEVE MADDEN (CONT’D)
This shoe -- the Mary Lou -- is
the one that really put me on the
map. It’s a black patent leather
variation of the Mary Jane, but--

SPLAT! A half-eaten grapefruit lands at Steve’s feet.
In a flash, Jordan rushes over, grabs the mic--
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 68.

JORDAN
All right, let's hear it for Steve
Madden and the wonderful Mary Lou!

Huge applause, with stomping feet; howling, etc.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Okay, now that you got that out
of your system, I want you to know
why Steve is so completely off the
fucking wall... It’s because this
man is a creative genius. Steve's
power, his gift -- is that he
creates trends. Artists like
Steve come along once a century!
Elvis! Andy Warhol! Giorgio
Armani! Who knows how high this
stock could go? The 20s? The
50s? The 80s?

Applause; war whoops. Jordan motions for quiet.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
I want everybody to look down.
See that little black box in front
of you? It's called a telephone.
Now I'm gonna let you in on a
little secret about this
telephone -- it won't dial itself!
That’s right -- until you take
some action, it's nothing more
than a worthless hunk of plastic,
like a loaded M16 without a
trained Marine to pull the
trigger. And in the case of the
telephone, it's the action of you,
a highly trained Strattonite, a
killer who will not take no for an
answer! A person who will not
hang up the phone until his client
either buys or fucking dies!

The Brokers go crazy. Jordan looks around.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
I don't care if you graduated from
Harvard or Bumfuck University or
never got past fourth fucking
grade! That phone is the great
equalizer!
(pause; looks around)
There is no nobility in poverty.
I've been rich, and I've been poor
and I choose rich every time.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 69.
JORDAN (CONT’D)
At least as a rich man, when I
have to face my problems, I show
up in the back of a limo wearing a
$2000 suit and $40,000 gold watch!

Jordan takes off his GOLD WATCH, flings it to the Crowd.
Brokers go nuts, fighting over it like a home-run ball.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
And if anyone here thinks I'm
crazy, get the fuck out and get a
job at McDonald’s, because that's
where you fucking belong! But
before you depart this room full
of winners, I want you to take a
good look at the person next to
you, because one day in the not-so-
distant future, you'll be sitting
at a red light in your beat-up old
Pinto, and that person’s gonna
pull up in a brand new Porsche,
with their gorgeous young wife at
their side. And who will you be
next to? Some ugly beast with
three days of razor-stubble in a
sleeveless moo-moo, crammed in
next to you with a carload of
groceries from the fucking Price
Club!

He scans the Brokers; they’re on the edge of their seats.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
So you listen to me and listen
carefully. Are you behind on your
credit card bills? Good. Pick up
the phone and start dialing. Is
your landlord threatening to evict
you? Good. Pick up the phone and
start dialing. Does your
girlfriend think you're a fucking
loser? Pick up the phone and
start fucking dialing! I want
you to deal with your problems by
becoming rich! I want you to go
out and spend money! Leverage
yourself, back yourself into a
corner, let the consequences of
failure become so fucking
unthinkable that you'll have no
choice but to do whatever it takes
to win!

The Brokers go absolutely APESHIT.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 70.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
You have an obligation here,
people! To your clients! To this
firm! An obligation to yourself,
godammit! You ram Steve Madden
stock down your clients’ throats
and make them choke on it till
they buy 20,000 shares! Be
aggressive! Be ferocious! Be
telephone fucking terrorists!!

Before Jordan is even finished, the Brokers GO BERSERK,
some already dialing their phones.

JORDAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
At 1 p.m. we opened the stock for
sale at $4.50 a share. By 1:03
it was over eighteen dollars.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the chaotic bullpen of Stratton Oakmont, Steve Madden struggles to present his shoe line amidst heckling brokers. Jordan Belfort intervenes, transforming the hostile atmosphere into one of fervent enthusiasm as he motivates the brokers to aggressively sell Madden's stock. The scene shifts from mockery to excitement, culminating in brokers eagerly dialing clients to push the stock, leading to a surge in its price.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Powerful motivational speech
Effective portrayal of high-pressure environment

Weaknesses

Some crude humor may not appeal to all audiences

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of the Stratton Oakmont bullpen, showcasing the aggressive and competitive nature of the stockbrokers. However, the dialogue for Steve Madden feels somewhat weak and lacks the charisma needed to engage the audience, especially when contrasted with Jordan's powerful presence. This could be an opportunity to give Madden a more compelling introduction that highlights his passion and vision for his brand.
Jordan's motivational speech is a strong centerpiece of the scene, but it risks becoming overly repetitive in its themes of aggression and wealth. While this aligns with his character, varying the language and incorporating more vivid imagery could enhance the impact of his message. The use of metaphors or anecdotes could make his points more relatable and memorable.
The heckling from the brokers adds a layer of humor and chaos, but it could be more strategically placed to build tension. For instance, instead of random insults, the brokers could echo Jordan's earlier statements, creating a sense of camaraderie and shared purpose that he later subverts with his more extreme rhetoric.
The transition from Steve Madden's nervousness to Jordan's commanding presence is effective, but it could benefit from a clearer visual cue or moment of realization for Madden. Perhaps a close-up shot of Madden's face as he looks to Jordan for support could emphasize his vulnerability and the stakes of the moment.
The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For example, some of the interruptions during Madden's speech could be trimmed or restructured to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged. The focus should remain on the escalating energy of the brokers as they respond to Jordan's rallying cry.

Suggestions

Enhance Steve Madden's introduction by giving him a more dynamic and engaging backstory that reflects his passion for the shoe industry, possibly through a brief anecdote or a more confident delivery.
Incorporate more varied language and imagery in Jordan's speech to avoid repetition and make his points more impactful. Consider using metaphors or personal stories to illustrate his ideas.
Strategically place the brokers' heckling to build tension and create a sense of camaraderie before Jordan's speech, allowing for a more dramatic shift in tone when he takes over.
Add a visual cue or moment of realization for Madden that highlights his vulnerability and the pressure of the situation, such as a close-up shot of his face looking to Jordan for reassurance.
Tighten the pacing by trimming unnecessary interruptions during Madden's speech, ensuring that the focus remains on the escalating energy and excitement of the brokers as they respond to Jordan's call to action.

Scene 24 - High Stakes and Legal Shadows

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

130A INT. FBI OFFICES - MANHATTAN - DAY 130A

Agent Denham exits the elevator, arriving for work. He
strides between cubicles, briefcase in hand. He enters --

130B INT. AGENT DENHAM’S OFFICE - DAY 130B

-- where pinned up on one wall is a massive chart on
Stratton’s operations: pictures of Jordan, Donnie and
others, a hierarchy, a history, an investigation...

131 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - LATER (FEB ‘95) 131

Total sales frenzy. The CAMERA PANS the 300 Brokers, who
work the phones like mad.

SEA OTTER YOUNG BROKER
--the hottest new issue on --up two dollars while I’m
Wall Street! talking to you!

And as we continue PANNING the room...

JORDAN (V.O.)
Of course I couldn’t have done
this without help. I’d leaked the
word on Wall Street that Stratton
was a buyer up until twenty. So
not only were we pushing Madden,
all the big firms were too.

We continue PANNING the frenzied Brokers...
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 71.

JORDAN (V.O.)
As long as they knew I’d buy the
shares back at the top of the
market, they’d drive the price
up as high as I fucking wanted.

132 SCENES 132 - 133 OMITTED 132

134 INT. JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY (FEB ‘95) 134

Donnie pours champagne nearby, oblivious to Jordan, who
sits at his desk, speaking directly to camera:

JORDAN
Of the two million shares being
offered for sale, a million
belonged to me, held in phony
accounts by my ratholes. Once the
price hit the high teens, I--

Jordan abruptly stops. A beat, then:

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Like I said before, who gives a
shit? As always, the point is
this--

BACK TO SCENE -- Donnie hands Jordan a glass of Dom.

DONNIE
22 million in three fucking hours!

They toast, then each pop ludes, which they wash down
with champagne. A quick knock; Janet pops her head in.

JORDAN
Janet, baby. Drink.

JANET
Call for you. Barry Kleinman from
Future Video?

JORDAN
Who?

JANET
He filmed your wedding. He says
it’s urgent.

Curious, Jordan leans over, hits the speaker phone:

JORDAN
Barry?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 72.

135 INT. FUTURE VIDEO - DAY (FEB ‘95) 135

Barry Kleinman sits at his desk, talking on the phone.

BARRY KLEINMAN
Jordan, hey. Listen, I got a
subpoena. The FBI wants a copy
of your wedding video.

On Jordan. Uh-oh.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The F-B-fucking-I?

135A INT. FIRING RANGE - DAY 135A

Wearing goggles and protective headphones, square-jawed
FBI Agent Patrick Denham takes target practice.

BO DIETL (V.O.)
Name’s Denham, he’s an agent in
the New York office.

JORDAN (V.O.)
What’s his problem?

BO DIETL (V.O.)
He’s a boy scout, thinks you’re
Gordon Gekko.

135B EXT. RAO’S - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING (MAR ‘95) 135B
*

136 INT. RAO’S RESTAURANT - NIGHT (MAR ‘95) 136

The East Harlem institution. Jordan sits across a table
over pasta with private investigator BO DIETL, 40s.

JORDAN
But my goddamn wedding video?

BO DIETL
Got your whole inner circle in one
place, faces and names. He’s
hoping it rattles you, or maybe
your wife, so that she starts
nagging you to turn witness.

JORDAN
(that’s laughable)
What? He wants me to rat on
myself?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 73.

BO DIETL
(shrugs)
Good news is I made some calls,
DEA, Justice? No one but him even
knows who you are.

JORDAN
Can you bug him or something, tap
his phone?

BO DIETL
Jordan, relax. First off, you
don’t fuck with these guys, not
that way. Secondly, I got a P.I.
license, you know?

JORDAN
Maybe I should call him, see what
he wants.

BO DIETL
No! Anybody does that should be
your lawyer. What you do is eat
your dinner, drink your drink, and
forget about it. Cuz as far as I
hear he doesn’t have shit.

Jordan nods, wheels turning, pretending to do as told.

136A SCENE 136A OMITTED 136A
*

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Agent Denham begins an investigation into Stratton Oakmont as Jordan narrates his market manipulation tactics amidst a celebratory atmosphere with Donnie. The mood shifts when Barry Kleinman alerts Jordan about the FBI's subpoena for his wedding video, raising alarms about the investigation. Over dinner with private investigator Bo Dietl, Jordan grapples with the potential consequences of the FBI's interest, leaving a tense uncertainty in the air.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Suspenseful tone
Realistic dialogue

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this specific scene

Critique

The scene effectively captures the frenetic energy of the brokerage environment, contrasting it with the calm and calculated demeanor of Agent Denham. This juxtaposition highlights the chaotic nature of Stratton Oakmont's operations and the impending threat from law enforcement, creating a palpable tension.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his manipulative strategies, which is a strong narrative device. However, it could benefit from more emotional depth. While we understand his actions, exploring the psychological implications of his manipulation could enhance the audience's connection to his character.
The transition between the FBI office and the Stratton Oakmont bullpen is smooth, but the pacing could be tightened. The scene feels slightly disjointed as it shifts from Denham's office to the brokers' frenzy. A more seamless integration of these two worlds could enhance the flow.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Jordan's bravado and Denham's professionalism. However, some lines could be more concise to maintain the scene's momentum. For instance, Jordan's reaction to the subpoena could be more visceral, showcasing his panic rather than just a casual 'uh-oh.'
The introduction of Barry Kleinman serves as a crucial plot point, but his character feels underdeveloped. Providing a brief backstory or context for his relationship with Jordan could add weight to the urgency of the subpoena and enhance the stakes.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Denham reflects on the gravity of the investigation, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or conversation with a colleague. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the stakes involved.
Incorporate more visual elements that emphasize the contrast between the FBI's methodical approach and the chaotic energy of the brokers. For example, using close-ups of Denham's focused expressions against wide shots of the bustling bullpen could visually reinforce this theme.
Enhance the emotional stakes by showing Jordan's reaction to the subpoena in a more dramatic way. Perhaps include a moment where he momentarily loses his composure, revealing the cracks in his confident facade.
Explore the dynamics between Jordan and Donnie further. Their camaraderie is evident, but adding a moment of tension or disagreement could foreshadow future conflicts and deepen their relationship.
Consider tightening the dialogue in certain areas to maintain a brisk pace. For example, streamline Jordan's voiceover to focus on the most impactful aspects of his manipulation, allowing the audience to grasp the gravity of his actions without excessive exposition.

Scene 25 - The Yacht Encounter

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

137 EXT. BATTERY PARK MARINA - DAY (LATE SPRING ‘95) 137

As Agent Denham steps into frame, another FED, AGENT *
HUGHES, beside him, both G-man stoic in impenetrably dark *
glasses --

JORDAN (O.S.)
Patrick? Hey! C’mon aboard!

They look up. On the yacht Naomi, Jordan stands waving,
drinking wine with two Blue Chip HOOKERS in bikinis.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Plank’s right down there.

Denham shares a look with his cohort: it’s almost a joke,
this display of wealth before a federal agent. Moments
later, they step aboard.

AGENT DENHAM
Mr. Belfort, I’m Agent Denham.
This is Agent Hughes.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 74.

JORDAN
Heya! This is Nicole and,
um...Heidi. Girls, Patrick and...?

AGENT DENHAM
Agents Denham and Hughes. Your
message said you wanted to speak
privately.

JORDAN
It did. I do.
(off Denham’s stare)
Oh, they’re just friends.
(to the girls)
Give us a minute, okay?

The Hookers head below deck. Jordan shoots Denham a wink--
check out that ass!

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Can I get a glass? Got wine open
or any kinda booze. Shrimp and
lobster’re over there if you’re
hungry.

AGENT DENHAM
Bureau forbids us from drinking at
sea.

Jordan surprised: the guy has a sense of humor.

JORDAN
I have something for you, I just
gotta find it. Have a seat, will
ya? Ever been on one of these
before?

As Jordan rifles through some papers, Denham’s eyes scan
the deck, casually cataloguing everything.

AGENT DENHAM
A boat? Learned to sail when I was
six.

JORDAN
I mean, one like this. Just had
her extended to put a chopper on
the back.

Jordan points out the Bell-Jet helicopter.

AGENT DENHAM
Never been on a boat with a second
mode of transportation on top of
it.

Jordan finds the file he’s been looking for, offers it.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 75.

AGENT DENHAM (CONT’D)
(before he’ll accept)
What is this?

JORDAN
Names and addresses of every guest
at my wedding. Friends, clients. I
even threw in the seating chart.
Heard that’s why you wanted the
video, figured this’d expedite
whatever it is you’re doing.
(Denham looks: it’s
indeed a guest list
from the wedding)
I wanted to show you I’ve got
nothing to hide. I know you’re
investigating Stratton but for the
life of me I can’t figure out why.
Sure, my company is unorthodox;
what brokerage isn’t? Maybe we’re
a little louder than most but we
don’t do anything illegal. Talk to
the SEC, they’ll tell you, they
checked us out up and down.

AGENT DENHAM
The SEC’s actually a civil
regulatory agency. We pursue
criminal activity.

JORDAN
That’s what I’m saying. You guys
take on real crime. Which is why
I’m so curious: what do you think
we did?

The reason Jordan asked him here, Denham realizes.

AGENT DENHAM
I can’t discuss ongoing
investigations.

JORDAN
I understand.

AGENT DENHAM
Though, to be frank, this case
kinda got dumped on my desk. Some
higher-up felt your shop needed
looking into after all that press,
fell on me to do the looking.

JORDAN
You know who you should be looking
at? Goldman, Lehman Brothers,
Merrill.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 76.
JORDAN (CONT'D)
What those guys’re up to with
collateralized debt obligations?
This internet stock bullshit?
C’mon. If you want, I’ll walk you
through exactly --

AGENT DENHAM
-- that’d be great. And if there’s
anything you can give me just to
close out your file, get it off my
desk--

JORDAN
-- sure, get you back to the real
criminals --

AGENT DENHAM
-- then we could both profit from
this little sit-down.

Jordan sizes him up: what did Denham mean by “profit”?

JORDAN
You sure you don’t want anything
to drink? Water for your pal?
(Denham demurs)
Rumor is your started out in
finance. Even got your broker’s
license before you joined the
bureau.

AGENT DENHAM
Who told you that?

JORDAN
(searches his memory)
Jeez, who was it...?
(comes up short)
Ever regret it? Giving up the
money-crazed, pin-striped life?
Ever think where you’d be if you’d
stuck with it?

AGENT DENHAM
When I’m riding the subway home,
sweating my balls off, in a suit
I’ve worn three days, sure.

JORDAN
Whattaya pull in working at the
bureau, if you don’t mind me
asking. 50-60K a year?

AGENT DENHAM
Just about. We get a free handgun
out of it, though, that doesn’t
suck.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 77.

JORDAN
S’crazy, the world we live in, the
jobs with real value, the ones we
should appreciate -- firefighters,
teachers, FBI agents -- those are
the ones we pay the least.

AGENT DENHAM
Way of the world.

JORDAN
That’s one thing I like about what
I do, the opportunity to make that
right. Take this kid we had
interning last year. Didn’t want
to be a broker, wanted to be an
environmental scientist or
something, he had a student loan
debts up to his eyeballs. Anyway,
his mom gets sick, all they can
afford is third-rate care. Some of
us got together, made an
investment on his behalf and --
boom -- overnight everything
changes, she’s seeing the best
doctors in the country. Sadly,
didn’t work out, she passed but
still: having the power to do that
makes all the other bullshit worth
while.
(as Denham considers
that)
See, it’s all about proper
guidance, Pat. Knowing someone
with the right relationships,
who’s discreet. I can change a
life almost every day.

They measure each other.

AGENT DENHAM
How much that intern make off your
deal?

JORDAN
North of half a million.

Denham summons Agent Hughes over. To Jordan:

AGENT DENHAM
Can you say that again, what you
told me?
(Jordan declines with
a smile; to Agent
Hughes)
I believe Mr. Belfort just tried
to bribe a federal officer.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 78.

JORDAN
What? I was making conversation.

AGENT DENHAM
Sounds like that to me, Jordan.

JORDAN
...no, no, no...

AGENT DENHAM
...sounded like that...

JORDAN
...no, to constitute a bribe,
don’t I have to make an explicit
offer of money for services? With
an exact dollar figure attached?
All I said was “north” of half a
million. According to the U.S.
Criminal Code, that dog won’t
hunt, Pat.
(then)
Heard you were a straight arrow.
That you wouldn’t bend the rules
other agents might. He was right.

AGENT DENHAM
You did a background check on me?

JORDAN
Figured you were looking into me,
was only fair. Plus you sail on a
yacht fit for a Bond villain,
sometimes you gotta act the part.

AGENT DENHAM
This is why you invited me down to
your yacht? With a couple hookers
on it --

JORDAN
-- those are friends --

AGENT DENHAM
-- to get a sense of the guy who
was coming after you?

Jordan puts his hands up: “you got me.”

JORDAN
Thanks for coming down. Now get
off my boat.

AGENT DENHAM
You know, most of the Wall Street
jackasses I bust, they were born
to the life.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 79.
AGENT DENHAM (CONT'D)
Their father was a douchebag
before them, and his father before
that. But you, you got this way
all on your own. Good for you,
Jordan.
(as he starts to go)
Thank you for having us. I’m
absolutely certain we’ll see each
other again.
(before he does)
You know, this is about the nicest
boat I’ve ever been on. Just think
what a hero I’ll be in the office
when the bureau seizes it.

Jordan watches him go, temper flaring: he can’t let
Denham get the final word. He calls after them:

JORDAN
Hey, Denham! I’m gonna eat a claw
of lobster now as I get my cock
sucked by Heidi down below. You
have a super ride home on the
subway thinking about that! *

As he watches them pull away, seething --

JORDAN (V.O.)
He was a numbers guy, a follow-the-
fucking-money’er. He wasn’t gonna
come at me through my guys,
looking for a weak link and a
quick kill. He was gonna come at
me like an accountant would, the
way Ness got Capone, through my
books. Which meant? It was ass-
covering time.

Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Agent Denham and Agent Hughes confront Jordan Belfort on his luxurious yacht, where Jordan attempts to charm Denham while downplaying the investigation into his business. The tension escalates as Denham probes for evidence of wrongdoing, recognizing Jordan's manipulative tactics. The scene ends with Denham leaving, suspicious of Jordan's intentions, while Jordan reacts with frustration, aware that the investigation will be thorough.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled confrontation
Complex character dynamics
Engaging plot progression

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this specific scene

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan and Agent Denham, showcasing Jordan's attempts to manipulate the situation while Denham remains stoic and professional. However, the dialogue can feel a bit too on-the-nose at times, particularly when Jordan is trying to downplay his illegal activities. This could be more subtly implied through subtext rather than explicitly stated.
Jordan's character is consistent with his established persona as a brash and arrogant businessman, but the introduction of humor in Denham's character adds an interesting dynamic. However, the humor sometimes undermines the seriousness of the investigation, which could be better balanced to maintain tension.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where the dialogue drags, particularly during the back-and-forth about Denham's past and salary. This could be tightened to keep the momentum going and maintain the audience's engagement.
The visual elements of the yacht and the hookers serve to reinforce Jordan's wealth and hedonistic lifestyle, but they also risk overshadowing the main conflict of the scene. The focus should remain on the conversation and the stakes involved rather than the distractions of the setting.
The ending of the scene, where Jordan makes a crude remark to Denham, feels somewhat forced and detracts from the tension built throughout the conversation. It could be more impactful if Jordan's final words were more clever or subtle, leaving Denham with a lingering sense of unease rather than a straightforward insult.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate any unnecessary exposition, allowing the subtext to convey the stakes and tension more effectively.
Balance the humor in Denham's character with the seriousness of the investigation to maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene.
Focus on the main conflict and keep the visual distractions to a minimum, ensuring that the audience remains engaged with the dialogue and character dynamics.
Revise Jordan's final remark to Denham to be more clever or ambiguous, enhancing the tension rather than providing a straightforward insult.
Explore the use of body language and visual cues to convey the power dynamics between Jordan and Denham, allowing the audience to feel the tension without relying solely on dialogue.

Scene 26 - Chaos in Transit

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

138 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (SUMMER ‘95) 138

As Naomi looks on, 5 months pregnant, Jordan packs a
suitcase.

NAOMI
Switzerland? What the fuck is in
Switzerland?

JORDAN
Swiss cheese, Naomi, what do you
fucking think?

139 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY *139
(SUMMER ‘95)

Jordan sits talking with Rugrat and Donnie.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 80.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Rugrat set up a meeting with a
Swiss Banker he knew from law
school who could launder our
money, but it wasn’t till noon
the next day.

Jordan glances at his watch, washes down a few ludes.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I knew if I timed my lude intake
right, I’d sleep through the
entire overnight flight.

140 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - DAY (SUMMER ‘95) 140

Jordan stands before the Bullpen talking to his Brokers.

JORDAN (V.O.)
At four p.m. I popped a few ludes,
which started kicking in by the
time I finished our sales meeting.
This was the tingle phase.

141 INT. CANASTEL’S - NIGHT (SUMMER ‘95) 141

Over dinner, a visibly high Jordan ravenously digs into
his food as Donnie and four Blue Chip Hookers look on.

JORDAN (V.O.)
By dinner I popped a few more on
top of some cocktails and an
valium or two. The slur phase.

142 INT. DANCE CLUB - NIGHT (SUMMER ‘95) 142

On the crowded dance floor, Jordan gets knocked around
like a marionette, saliva strung from his mouth.

JORDAN (V.O.)
By eight thirty I’d done a few
more and pretty much lost my motor
skills. This was the drool phase.

143 INT. HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT (SUMMER ‘95) 143

Jordan is barely conscious as a Hooker rides him.

JORDAN (V.O.)
And by ten I didn’t know who or
what I was doing -- the amnesia
phase. We boarded the plane just
before midnight.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 81.

144 INT. ZURICH AIRLINES - FIRST CLASS - NIGHT (SUMMER ‘95) *144

Jordan boards, slurring, drooling, completely wasted.

JORDAN
(to a Stewardess)
Sweetheart! Look at you!

And as he hugs her, then stumbles toward his seat...

145 INT. ZURICH AIRLINES - FIRST CLASS - DAY (SUMMER ‘95) *145

Quiet; morning sunlight bleeds through the window.
Jordan’s eyes flicker open. He yawns, looks around,
tries to get up; he can’t move. He looks down, sees
six seat belts restraining his arms and legs. Jordan
looks over at Donnie, mouth agape, asleep next to him.

JORDAN
Donnie. Donnie, wake up.

DONNIE
Nuuhh?

JORDAN
Untie me, shitbag. You think this
is funny?

DONNIE
I didn’t tie you, the captain did.
He almost tasered you.

JORDAN
Why?

146 FLASHBACK -- 146

As PASSENGERS scream, Jordan wildly humps a STEWARDESS,
the CAPTAIN struggling to restrain him.

JORDAN (V.O.)
This was fucking great. I hadn’t
laundered a dime yet and already
I was under arrest.

147 INT. ZURICH AIRLINES - FIRST CLASS - DAY (SUMMER ‘95) *147

A pensive Jordan sits, mind racing.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Worse yet was the plastic baggie
of ludes that Donnie’d stuffed up
his ass.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 82.

Jordan trades looks with Donnie, who shifts
uncomfortably.

JORDAN (V.O.)
But before he could even get a
hemorrhoid--

147A INT. GENEVA AIRPORT - CUSTOMS OFFICE - DAY 147A
*

Jordan sits with two CUSTOMS OFFICERS. *

JORDAN (V.O.) *
--the whole thing was quashed by *
our friend the Swiss banker. Which *
was lucky for me, since so far I’d *
been able to keep Agent Fuckface *
unaware of the trip. *

Another CUSTOMS OFFICER enters, whispers something to the *
others. They shake Jordan’s hand and he leaves. *

148 EXT. GENEVA - SHOPPING DISTRICT - DAY (SUMMER ‘95) 148

A limo pulls up at an office building. Jordan emerges
with Rugrat and Donnie. *

149 INT. BANQUE REAL DE GENEVE - LOBBY - DAY (SUMMER ‘95) 149

JEAN-JACQUES SAUREL greets them. 30s, suave. The lobby is
ultra-modernist.

SAUREL
Jordan Belfort! At last!
Nicholas has told me so much.

RUGRAT
Jordan, Jean-Jacques Saurel.

JORDAN
Nice to make your acquaintance.
This is some lobby you got.

SAUREL
Ah, yes. We gave our designer an
unlimited budget and he exceeded
it. Come! You must tell me all
about your adventure with the
stewardess over coffee!

They disappear upstairs.

150 SCENE 150 OMITTED 150
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 83.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Naomi confronts Jordan about his impending trip to Switzerland while she is five months pregnant, revealing the strain in their relationship. As Jordan prepares for the trip, his reckless drug use escalates, leading to a chaotic scene on a plane where he is temporarily restrained. Despite the turmoil, they manage to avoid serious consequences thanks to the intervention of a Swiss banker, Jean-Jacques Saurel, culminating in their arrival at a luxurious bank in Geneva for a crucial meeting.

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Engaging plot progression
Well-developed characters

Weaknesses

Depiction of drug abuse may be triggering for some audiences

Critique

The scene effectively captures Jordan's reckless lifestyle and the consequences of his drug use, showcasing the chaotic nature of his character. However, the transition from Naomi's confrontation to Jordan's drug-fueled escapades feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
The use of voiceover is a strong narrative device that provides insight into Jordan's mindset and the progression of his drug use. However, the voiceover could benefit from more emotional depth, reflecting not just the physical effects of the drugs but also the psychological toll they take on him and his relationships.
The humor in the scene, particularly in Jordan's interactions and the absurdity of his situation, is well-executed. However, it risks overshadowing the gravity of the consequences he faces. Balancing the humor with moments of genuine tension or reflection could create a more nuanced portrayal of his character.
The pacing of the scene is uneven, particularly in the transition between the various phases of Jordan's drug use. While the 'phases' are a clever way to illustrate his decline, they could be more tightly woven into the narrative to avoid feeling disjointed. Each phase could be linked with a specific consequence or realization that adds to the overall arc.
The dialogue, particularly between Jordan and Donnie, captures their camaraderie and the absurdity of their situation. However, it could be enhanced by incorporating more subtext, revealing deeper layers of their friendship and the underlying tensions that come with their lifestyle choices.

Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Naomi before she confronts Jordan, which could provide insight into her emotional state and heighten the tension of the confrontation.
Incorporate more visual storytelling elements to illustrate the chaos of Jordan's drug use, such as quick cuts or montages that juxtapose his high-energy moments with the consequences that follow.
Explore the emotional ramifications of Jordan's actions on his relationship with Naomi. This could be done through flashbacks or visual cues that highlight their past connection, making the current confrontation more impactful.
Tighten the pacing by ensuring that each phase of Jordan's drug use is linked to a specific narrative beat or consequence, creating a clearer cause-and-effect relationship that enhances the overall story arc.
Enhance the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie by including moments of vulnerability or doubt, which could add depth to their characters and make their reckless behavior more relatable.

Scene 27 - Secrets and Strategies in Saurel's Office

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 9

151 INT. BANQUE REAL DE GENEVE - SAUREL’S OFFICE - DAY 151

Jordan, Rugrat and Donnie drink coffee with Saurel and
one other SWISS BANKER. It’s an impressive office, with *
an enormous fish tank.

DONNIE
We have a joke in America.
“Heaven is a place where the
police are Brits, the chefs are
Italian, the car mechanics are
German, the prostitutes are French
and the bankers are Swiss.” I
never got it ‘til now -- look at
those fucking fish! Come here,
little guy...

SAUREL
Yes, we have the same joke here.
Only sometimes the English are
chauffeurs and the chefs are
French. The Germans, alas, are
always mechanics; no one wants to
grant them more authority than
that.

Polite laughter. Jordan, not as impressed by the fish,
cuts straight to the point:

JORDAN
I'm curious about your bank
secrecy laws.

SAUREL
Excusez-moi, Jordan, Swiss custom
requires ten minutes of idle chit-
chat before business can be
discussed.
(a smile)
Of course, let’s get “down to it.”
What would you like to know?

JORDAN
Under what circumstances would you
be obligated to cooperate with an
FBI or U.S. Justice Department
investigation?

SAUREL
Ca depend.

JORDAN
Ca depend? Ca depend on what?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 84.

SAUREL
Whether America plans to invade
Switzerland in the coming months.

RUGRAT
Want me to see if tanks are
rolling down the Rue de la Croix?

More chuckles. Through Jordan’s forced smile:

JORDAN (V.O.)
What I’m asking, you Swiss dick,
is are you going to fuck me over.

SAUREL (V.O.)
I understand perfectly, you
American shitheel.

Saurel smiles.

SAUREL
The only way the Banque Real de
Geneve would cooperate with a
foreign legal body is if the crime
being pursued also happened to be
a crime in Switzerland. But there
are very few Swiss laws pertaining
to your “rumored” improprieties.
Which is why Mr. Azoff’s joke is
most appropriate: from a financial
standpoint you are now in heaven,
and we welcome you. If the U.S.
Justice Department or FBI or SEC
or IRS sent us a subpoena, it
would become papier-toillette. We
would wipe our ass with it.

Everyone’s impressed. Except Jordan.

JORDAN
Unless it was an investigation
into stock fraud -- which is a
crime in Switzerland. Then you’d
have to cooperate.

SAUREL
(now he’s impressed)
Yes, we would. Assuming the
account is under your name.
However, if it were in the name of
a nominee of yours...

They take each other in.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 85.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Was that yodeling I just heard or
did you just say what I thought
you said?

SAUREL (V.O.)
Yes! Yes!

As the meeting wraps up with handshakes, Jordan’s V.O.
overwhelms Saurel’s V.O..

JORDAN (V.O.)
He was telling me to use a
rathole. Problem was: sneaking a
U.S. rathole into Switzerland was
a chance I couldn’t take. What I
needed was somebody with a
European passport.

152 SCENES 152 - 153 OMITTED 152

154 EXT. LONDON FLAT - DAY (SUMMER ‘95) 154

Naomi’s Aunt Emma answers the door.

AUNT EMMA
Jordan?

JORDAN
(big smile, sweating)
Surprise.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In Saurel's opulent office, Jordan, Donnie, Rugrat, and a Swiss banker engage in a light-hearted conversation over coffee. Donnie's joke about national stereotypes lightens the mood, but Jordan's serious inquiries about the bank's cooperation with U.S. investigations reveal the complexities of Swiss banking laws. Saurel explains that cooperation only occurs if the crime is also recognized in Switzerland, leading to a discussion about stock fraud. The scene concludes with Jordan realizing he needs to use a 'rathole' to protect his assets, acknowledging the associated risks.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled negotiation
Humorous moments

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Lack of character development

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan's desire for information and the Swiss banker's playful demeanor. However, the humor, while engaging, can sometimes detract from the gravity of the situation. The stakes of Jordan's inquiry about bank secrecy laws are significant, and the scene could benefit from a more serious undertone to emphasize the risks involved in his dealings.
The dialogue is sharp and witty, particularly Donnie's joke and Saurel's responses. However, the pacing feels uneven at times. The initial banter is entertaining but may lead to a loss of focus on the main objective of the meeting. Streamlining the dialogue to maintain tension and urgency could enhance the scene's impact.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his thoughts, which is a strong narrative device. However, the juxtaposition of his internal monologue with the external dialogue can be confusing. Clarifying the transitions between his thoughts and the spoken dialogue would help the audience follow the narrative more smoothly.
The visual elements, such as the impressive office and the fish tank, set a luxurious tone that contrasts with the underlying tension of the conversation. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery that highlights the opulence of the setting while also reflecting Jordan's internal conflict and desperation.
The ending of the scene, where Jordan realizes he needs a European passport for his plans, is a strong conclusion. However, it could be more impactful if it included a moment of reflection or a visual cue that signifies the weight of this realization, perhaps through a close-up on Jordan's face or a shift in the atmosphere.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain focus on the stakes of the meeting. While humor is important, it should not overshadow the urgency of Jordan's inquiries.
Enhance the contrast between the light-hearted banter and the serious implications of the conversation. This could be achieved by incorporating more subtle tension in the characters' body language and expressions.
Clarify the transitions between Jordan's voiceover and the spoken dialogue to ensure the audience can easily follow the narrative without confusion.
Add more descriptive imagery that reflects both the opulence of the bank and Jordan's internal conflict, perhaps by describing the fish tank in a way that symbolizes his entrapment in a luxurious but dangerous world.
Incorporate a visual cue or moment of reflection at the end of the scene to emphasize the weight of Jordan's realization about needing a European passport, enhancing the dramatic impact of the conclusion.

Scene 28 - Flirtation and Illicit Plans

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

155 EXT. HYDE PARK - DAY (SUMMER ‘95) 155

Amid towering trees and horse trails, a noticeably
twitchy Jordan walks arm-in-arm with Aunt Emma.

AUNT EMMA
So tell me about this plan of
yours.

JORDAN
I’d like us to go to Switzerland
tomorrow so you can open an
account. I’ll fund it, and I’ll
pay you really well for your
trouble.

AUNT EMMA
Oh my.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 86.

JORDAN
Next month maybe you can fly to
New York and we can start moving
the cash.

AUNT EMMA
Moving the cash.
(smiles)
I feel like a character in an
Ian Fleming novel. It’s all quite
racy, isn’t it?

JORDAN
It is, and it’s illegal too. Of
course if you ever got in trouble,
I’d come forward in two seconds,
say I duped you, but even still.

AUNT EMMA
Risk is what keeps us young, isn’t
it darling?

JORDAN
I like that attitude. Promise me *
you’ll spend at least ten thousand
pounds per month out of the
account, okay?

AUNT EMMA
(chuckles)
I wouldn't even know how. I
really do have everything I need.

JORDAN
But I bet you don't have
everything you want. How about a
bigger apartment so your grandkids
can sleep over?

Aunt Emma notices that Jordan is sweating, fidgety. He’s
jonesing.

AUNT EMMA
Shall we sit?

JORDAN
Sure, that’d be great.

They sit on a nearby bench. After a while:

AUNT EMMA
Sometimes I wonder if you let
money get the best of you, dear.
(beat)
Among other substances.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 87.

JORDAN
It’s that obvious, huh?

AUNT EMMA
It’s the height of summer and *
you’ve got the chills. *

JORDAN
I’m a drug addict, Emma. Coke, *
pills, you name it, whatever you *
got. Sex addict too. *

AUNT EMMA
(laughs)
Well there are worse things to be
addicted to than sex.

JORDAN
(chuckles; then)
Why did I just tell you that? *

AUNT EMMA
(playful)
Because I’m very easy to talk to.

Jordan looks at her. A few beats, then:

JORDAN
As a matter of fact you are. My *
job, you know, it’s tough. I mean *
I’m not complaining, it’s just the
stress. All these people depending *
on me. Millions of dollars at *
stake every day. I sometimes feel *
I’ve bitten off more than I can *
chew. *

AUNT EMMA
You’re a man with large appetites.

Jordan looks at her and smiles:

JORDAN (V.O.)
Is she fucking hitting on me?

JORDAN
I agree. I put it on myself. It’s *
hard to control the anxiety, you *
know? It’s hard to learn to relax. *

AUNT EMMA
To release the tension.

JORDAN (V.O.)
She is hitting on me! Holy shit!

Jordan leans in closer, casually slips an arm around her.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 88.

JORDAN
Exactly, to release the tension. *
Sometimes you gotta learn to do *
what comes natural in life, huh? *

Aunt Emma pulls back slightly.

AUNT EMMA (V.O.)
Is he fucking hitting on me?

He leans in even closer, kisses her, then: *

AUNT EMMA
Stability, dear. Family.
*

AUNT EMMA (CONT’D) *
You take care of my niece, my
love. And I’ll take care of
everything over here. *
(a beat) *
Ah, once upon a time... *

155A INT. BEACH HOUSE - BEDROOM - SOUTH HAMPTON - DAY 155A
(SUMMER ‘95)

Jordan fucks Naomi. There’s a curious thunk-thunk-thunk.

JORDAN (V.O.)
When I got home, I realized there
was no way Aunt Emma could smuggle
that much cash by herself. I
racked my brain for another person
with a foreign passport.

The bed’s covered with bundles of cash. Every thrust of
Jordan’s, another bundle plummets to the floor -- thunk.

156 SCENES 156 - 157 OMITTED 156

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In Hyde Park during the summer of 1995, Jordan and Aunt Emma engage in a playful yet tense conversation about opening a Swiss bank account for moving illicit cash. As Jordan reveals his struggles with drug and sex addictions, their dialogue takes a flirtatious turn, hinting at mutual attraction. The scene highlights Jordan's internal conflict and anxiety, culminating in his realization that he needs another accomplice for his plans, leaving their relationship dynamic unresolved.

Strengths

Tension-building
Character development
Emotional depth
Exploration of themes

Weaknesses

Potential for cliched dialogue
Risk of melodrama

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan's illicit activities and his attempts to maintain a facade of normalcy with Aunt Emma. The dialogue is sharp and reveals character motivations, particularly Jordan's desperation and Aunt Emma's playful yet cautious demeanor.
The juxtaposition of the serene setting of Hyde Park with the underlying chaos of Jordan's life creates a compelling contrast. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues that emphasize Jordan's internal struggle, such as his physical state or the environment around them reflecting his anxiety.
The flirtation between Jordan and Aunt Emma adds an unexpected layer of complexity to their relationship, but it risks crossing into uncomfortable territory. The scene should tread carefully to maintain a balance between dark humor and the potential for inappropriate implications.
Jordan's self-awareness about his addictions is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his emotional vulnerability. This would deepen the audience's connection to his character and highlight the consequences of his lifestyle.
The transition from the conversation with Aunt Emma to the subsequent scene with Naomi is abrupt. While it serves to illustrate Jordan's chaotic life, a smoother transition could enhance the narrative flow and maintain audience engagement.

Suggestions

Incorporate more physical descriptions of Jordan's state to visually convey his anxiety and drug use, such as his fidgeting or sweating, to enhance the audience's understanding of his mental state.
Consider adding a moment where Aunt Emma expresses genuine concern for Jordan's well-being, which could create a more poignant contrast to the humor and flirtation, emphasizing the gravity of his situation.
Refine the flirtation between Jordan and Aunt Emma to ensure it remains playful without veering into discomfort. This could involve more subtlety in their exchanges, allowing the audience to interpret the tension without explicit implications.
Enhance the emotional stakes by including a moment where Jordan reflects on the potential consequences of involving Aunt Emma in his illegal activities, which could add depth to his character and the narrative.
Create a more seamless transition to the next scene by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two moments, such as the sound of cash falling or a lingering shot of the park that fades into the chaos of the beach house.

Scene 29 - Cash Conflicts at the Beach House

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 9

158 INT. BEACH HOUSE - SOUTH HAMPTON - GUEST BEDROOM - DAY 158
(SUMMER ‘95)

With $20 mil in CASH on the bed, Jordan and a stoned
Donnie watch as Brad tapes stacks of cash to his wife
CHANTALLE, a bombshell in panties, bra and sneakers.

CHANTALLE
Bra-had, theese tape eez focking
steeky!

As Brad keeps taping her up:
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 89.

JORDAN (V.O.)
As a successful drug dealer, Brad
spent his winters in the South of
France, which is where he met his
wife Chantalle, a stripper of
Slovenian origin but born in, of
all places, Switzerland.

CHANTALLE
Take eet off, Bra-had! Eet erts!

BRAD
Shut up, bitch.

CHANTALLE
You beetch, you focking douche-a-
bag-a!

Donnie can’t help but start laughing at this.

DONNIE
Take eet off! Take eet off!

Brad seethes at this but keeps taping...

159 INT. BEACH HOUSE - SOUTH HAMPTON - BEDROOM - LATER 159
(SUMMER ‘95)

Chantalle is completely taped up, a cash-covered mummy.
Jordan looks on with Brad, Donnie and now Naomi. 90% of
the cash is still on the bed.

JORDAN
Well, this is fucked.

NAOMI
It’s gonna take her like fifty
trips.

BRAD
We’ll get her parents to tape up
too. They got Swiss passports.
Plus her brother and his wife.
Five people, six-seven trips?

JORDAN
How much’ll they want for it?

BRAD
I dunno, not much. Fuck, they’d
probably do it just for the miles.

DONNIE
What about my money?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 90.

BRAD
What?

DONNIE
My money. I got a few mil of my
own I wanna move. I’ll call you,
you can come pick it up.

BRAD
(takes offense to
Donnie’s
presumption)
You’ll “call” me.

DONNIE
(what part don’t you
understand?)
And you can come “pick it up.”

Brad asks Jordan if they can speak in private.

MOMENTS LATER, IN PRIVATE: Jordan joins Brad.

JORDAN
What’s wrong?

BRAD
Don’t make me deal with this
fucknut, okay?

JORDAN
Donnie? He’s just high is all.

BRAD
I dunno if he’s stupid or a junkie
but he’s a loose fuckin’ cannon.
I don’t trust him and I don’t want
him around me.

JORDAN
Jesus. I thought he was your best
customer.

BRAD
I only sell to him cuz he’s your
friend.

JORDAN
Can you just do one trip for him?

Brad stews. It’s asking a lot.

BRAD
I’ll meet him but I won’t pick up.
I have a limit of how much of that
douchebag I can take.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 91.

DONNIE
I can hear you, motherfucker!

Donnie emerges from where he’s been eavesdropping.

DONNIE (CONT’D)
I’m a douchebag?!! Well, whose
fucking idea was it made us all
this money?!! Who fucking knew
Steve Madden?!! This douchebag!!
So go fuck yourself a little!

Brad slaps Donnie so hard across the face he goes down.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The next day, Aunt Emma flew to
Geneva, two million in cash in her
carry-on.

159A SCENES 159A - B OMITTED 159A

160 INT. GENEVA AIRPORT - DAY (SUMMER ‘95) 160

Wheeling a small carry-on suitcase, Aunt Emma smiles at a
CUSTOMS AGENT, who waves her through.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Which in the big picture was a
drop in the Swiss bucket --

TIME CUT:

160aA On another day, Chantalle and her family (PARENTS, 160aA
BROTHER, his WIFE) pass through Customs, “on vacation.”

JORDAN (V.O.)
-- because the following month,
over the course of six round-
trips, Chantalle and her family
smuggled in over twenty million
without even a hiccup.

160A INT. BANQUE REAL DE GENEVE - PRIVATE ROOM - DAY 160A
(SUMMER ‘95)

With a cash-filled suitcase on the table, Chantalle
remembers a last fold of cash hidden inside her skirt’s
lining. She laughs with Saurel.

161 SCENES 161 - 170C OMITTED 161
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 92.

Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a beach house guest bedroom, Jordan and Donnie watch as Brad humorously tapes stacks of cash to his frustrated wife, Chantalle, who becomes a cash-covered 'mummy.' As they discuss moving the remaining cash, tension escalates between Donnie and Brad over trust issues, culminating in a physical confrontation when Brad slaps Donnie after overhearing him. The scene blends dark humor with underlying conflict, ending with a voiceover about Aunt Emma successfully smuggling cash into Geneva the next day.

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled interactions
Intriguing plot development

Weaknesses

Some characters may lack depth
Limited emotional depth in certain interactions

Critique

The scene effectively captures the absurdity and dark humor of Jordan's lifestyle, showcasing the lengths to which he and his associates will go to move illicit cash. However, the humor sometimes overshadows the gravity of their actions, which could lead to a disconnect for the audience regarding the consequences of their behavior.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly the banter between Chantalle and Brad. However, the use of stereotypes in Chantalle's accent and dialogue may come off as clichéd and could detract from her character's depth. It risks reducing her to a mere comedic prop rather than a fully realized character.
The conflict between Donnie and Brad is established but could be more pronounced. While the tension is present, the stakes feel low, and the audience may not fully grasp the implications of their disagreement. This could be enhanced by providing more context about their relationship and the potential fallout from their conflict.
Jordan's voiceover provides context but can feel intrusive at times. It might be more effective to show rather than tell, allowing the audience to infer the stakes and motivations through the characters' actions and interactions rather than relying heavily on exposition.
The pacing of the scene is uneven. The initial setup with Chantalle being taped is humorous, but the transition to the conflict between Donnie and Brad feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the comedic tone while building tension.

Suggestions

Consider deepening Chantalle's character by giving her more agency in the scene. Instead of just being a passive participant in the cash-taping, allow her to express her own motivations or frustrations more clearly, which could add depth to her character.
Enhance the conflict between Donnie and Brad by incorporating more backstory or stakes related to their relationship. This could involve a brief flashback or a line of dialogue that hints at past tensions, making their current disagreement feel more significant.
Reduce reliance on voiceover exposition. Instead, use visual storytelling to convey the stakes of the cash movement and the characters' motivations. This could involve showing the consequences of their actions in a more direct way.
Maintain the humor but balance it with moments that remind the audience of the serious implications of their actions. This could involve a brief moment of reflection from Jordan or another character that acknowledges the risks they are taking.
Consider adjusting the pacing to allow for a more gradual build-up to the conflict. This could involve extending the humorous setup before diving into the tension between Donnie and Brad, creating a more cohesive flow to the scene.

Scene 30 - Money and Mayhem

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

170D EXT. STRIP MALL - PARKING LOT - LONG ISLAND - DAY 170D
(LATE SUMMER ‘95)

Brad waits by his Range Rover as Donnie’s Rolls careens
into the lot. He emerges, briefcase in hand.

DONNIE
Fu Manchu! Kung fu!

Donnie starts doing spastic karate moves. Is he high?
Sure looks like it. Brad looks pissed, and Donnie starts
laughing. Actually he’s dead sober.

DONNIE (CONT’D)
I’m just fucking with you, man.
Jesus, the look on your face.
(Brad isn’t laughing)
Hey, sorry if I got outta line the
other day, I was just, that was
the drugs talking...

BRAD
S’cool, just... gimme the case.

DONNIE
(he doesn’t)
You know, I always kinda regretted
you didn’t come to work with us at
Stratton. It’d be so cool having
you around, man.

BRAD
(growing impatient)
Yeah, well...

DONNIE
You’d be one of us, we’d go out-
partying together, you wouldn’t
have to dress like a mall rat
guinea prison bitch all the time.

Donnie grins, obviously still smarting from Brad’s slap.
Brad just wants to take the money and be done.

BRAD
Give me the money.

A DISTANCE AWAY, a COP in a patrol car notices Brad
gesturing to Donnie for his briefcase. He nudges his
partner: check this out.

DONNIE
Can I come over and help tape this
to your wife? “Eez so focking
steeky! Take eet off, Bra-hod!”

Brad composes himself, lest he kill the guy.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 93.

BRAD
I’m gonna give you a pass.

DONNIE
You’re what?

BRAD
I’m gonna give you a pass.

DONNIE
You’re gonna give me a pass?

BRAD
Yes. Just gimme the money.

DONNIE
You’re gonna give me a pass?
Okay...
(offers the case)
Why don’t you stick your pass up
your Slavic cunt’s pussy.

That does it. Brad attacks. Donnie throws the case at
him, which opens on impact, money spilling out. Brad
instinctively tries to contain it... and that’s when the
POLICE SIRENS start. Here comes the patrol car.

BRAD
Shit!

Donnie bolts. With no time to get to his car, Brad takes
off on foot, bleeding briefcase in hand, toward a video
store where he stashes his .38 in the return box.

POLICE
Freeze! Don’t move!

Brad drops to his knees, briefcase at his feet. From a
distance, Donnie peers around a corner to watch him get
arrested, knowing he fucked this up.

170E SCENES 170E - 178 OMITTED 170E

178A INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - DONNIE’S OFFICE - DAY 178A
*
(LATE SUMMER ‘95) *

Donnie is seated at his desk, freaking out and trying to *
figure out what to do. He exits. *

179 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 179
(LATE SUMMER ‘95)

With a flourish, Donnie presents a bottle full of ludes. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 94.

DONNIE
Jord, do I have a surprise for *
you. Twenty real lemons! A retired *
pharmacist friend of mine’s been *
sitting on these the last 15 *
years. *

JORDAN
You fucking serious?!

CLOSE ON -- a Lemmon 714 Quaalude; pure white, with
trademark ridged edges.

JORDAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
The Lemmon 714 was the Holy Grail
of Quaaludes, outlawed since the
‘80s and three times as powerful
as anything available today. For
a Quaalude addict, it was like
finding a 1952 Chateau Margaux.

CLOSE ON -- Donnie gauging Jordan’s excitement, waiting
for the right moment to admit his fuck-up.

DONNIE(V.O.)
I’d been saving these for a
special occasion, like a birthday
or celebrating our money being out
of the country. Instead I thought
I’d better use ‘em to help break
the news about Brad.

180 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BATHROOM - DAY 180
(LATE SUMMER ‘95)

In his underwear, Jordan kneels over the toilet, sticking
his fingers down his throat to make himself vomit.

JORDAN (V.O.)
That night I cleared my schedule
and rid my body of anything that
could fuck with my high. It was
celebration time.

He takes a box off the counter marked “Active Enema”.
He squats and administers it...

181 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - BASEMENT - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 181

Massive, with a wet bar, media center and full gym.
Giddy as kids on Christmas, Jordan and Donnie sit on the
couch, the bottle of Lemmons before them.

JORDAN
Start with one, see how it goes?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 95.

DONNIE
My guy says one’s all we’ll need.
Salut’.

Excited, they each pop a lude, toast with hot sake’...

DISSOLVE TO:

Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense parking lot encounter, Brad waits impatiently for Donnie, who arrives in a Rolls Royce and behaves erratically, joking and insulting Brad. As Brad demands the briefcase of money, their conflict escalates into a physical fight, causing the briefcase to spill its contents. With police sirens approaching, Brad flees on foot, hiding a gun in a video store return box, while Donnie watches helplessly as Brad is arrested.

Strengths

Tension
Humor
Character Dynamics

Weaknesses

Potential Lack of Emotional Depth

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and absurd nature of the characters' lives, particularly through Donnie's erratic behavior and Brad's growing impatience. This contrast highlights the tension between their personalities, which is a strong point in the writing.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' dynamics well, especially the playful yet confrontational banter between Donnie and Brad. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact, particularly in the back-and-forth exchanges.
The introduction of the police sirens adds a layer of urgency and stakes to the scene, effectively escalating the tension. However, the transition from the confrontation to the police's arrival could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
The visual elements, such as the briefcase spilling money and Brad's subsequent actions, create a vivid image that enhances the absurdity of the situation. However, more sensory details could be added to immerse the audience further in the scene, such as the sounds of the parking lot or the visual chaos of the money spilling out.
The character motivations are clear, but Brad's impatience could be further emphasized through his body language and internal thoughts. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his frustration and the stakes involved in the exchange.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to enhance the comedic timing and clarity. For example, some of Donnie's lines could be more concise to maintain the scene's pace.
Add more sensory details to the scene to create a richer atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, or visual chaos of the parking lot could enhance the audience's immersion.
Smooth out the transition between the confrontation and the police sirens to maintain narrative flow. Perhaps foreshadow the police presence earlier in the scene to build tension gradually.
Explore Brad's internal thoughts or feelings more deeply to give the audience insight into his impatience and frustration. This could be done through brief voiceovers or internal monologues.
Consider adding a moment of reflection for Donnie after the confrontation, showcasing his realization of the consequences of his actions. This could add depth to his character and set up future conflicts.

Scene 31 - Urgent Call in the Basement

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

182 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - BASEMENT - LATER (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 182

Bored, Jordan and Donnie sit on the couch watching
“Family Matters” on TV.

JORDAN
You feeling anything?

DONNIE
Nope.
(glances at watch)
Thirty five minutes.

JORDAN
Maybe we’ve built up a tolerance
all these years?

Donnie shrugs; they pop another, wash it down with sake’.

DISSOLVE TO:

183 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - BASEMENT - LATER (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 183

With Jordan running on the treadmill, Donnie pumps away
on an exercise bike nearby. They’re both sweating.

DONNIE
This is bullshit, man. My fucking
metabolism’s pumping and I don’t
feel shit.

JORDAN
They’re old, maybe they lost their
potency.

Donnie leans over, picks up the bottle. Reads the label.

DONNIE
January ‘81. They’re fucking
duds.

He shakes out more pills, two more apiece. As they pop
them, a very pregnant Naomi descends the stairs, now very
pregnant.

NAOMI
What are you two retards doing?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 96.

JORDAN
Nothing. Working out.

NAOMI
(a look; then)
Bo Dietl’s on the phone.

Naomi heads back upstairs. Jordan picks up the phone.

JORDAN
Bo, hey, what’s up?

184 INT. BO DIETL’S CADILLAC - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 184

Bo Dietl talks on his cell phone.

BO DIETL
I need to talk to you, but not on
this phone.

INTERCUT JORDAN AND BO

JORDAN
Why, what’s--

BO DIETL
Leave the house, call me back
from a pay phone, you hear me?

185 EXT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 185

Jordan pulls his Lamborghini out of the driveway.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The Brookville Country Club was a
WASP stronghold, a straight shot
down the road from my house.

186 EXT. BROOKVILLE COUNTRY CLUB - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 186

Jordan pulls up, exits the car in sweats, flip-flops and
a T-shirt. He hustles up a staircase into...

187 INT. BROOKVILLE COUNTRY CLUB - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 187

Jordan stands at a pay phone, receiver to his ear.
WE HEAR it ringing, then:

BO DIETL (O.S.)
Jordan?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 97.

JORDAN
Yeah, I’m at a pay phone. What’s
going on?

INTERCUT:

Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In the basement of Jordan's estate, Jordan and Donnie, feeling bored and frustrated after taking pills, attempt to exercise but find the drugs ineffective. Their light banter is interrupted by Naomi, who, very pregnant, informs Jordan about an urgent call from Bo Dietl. This prompts Jordan to leave the house for a private conversation, shifting the scene from their casual lethargy to a sense of urgency.

Strengths

Building tension
Effective character development
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Potential lack of clarity on the characters' motivations

Critique

The scene effectively captures the disillusionment and numbness that Jordan and Donnie are experiencing due to their drug use. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect their increasing desperation and frustration. The current exchanges feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more emotional weight or humor to enhance the absurdity of their situation.
The transition between the two parts of the scene (watching TV and then exercising) is somewhat abrupt. A more gradual transition could help maintain the flow and build tension. For example, showing them becoming increasingly restless while watching TV before deciding to work out could create a stronger narrative arc.
Naomi's entrance serves as a good reminder of the reality outside their drug-induced haze, but her dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating that Bo Dietl is on the phone, she could express concern or frustration about their behavior, adding depth to her character and the situation.
The use of 'Family Matters' as a backdrop is a clever choice, symbolizing the contrast between the mundane and the chaotic lives of Jordan and Donnie. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues that emphasize their drug-induced state, such as their physical appearance or the environment around them becoming increasingly surreal.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial boredom is established well, but the subsequent action of them working out could be more frenetic to match their drug-induced state. This could involve faster cuts or more frantic dialogue to convey their agitation.

Suggestions

Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie, perhaps incorporating references to their past or their fears about the future to deepen their characters and the stakes of the scene.
Introduce a visual motif that symbolizes their drug use and its effects, such as a clock ticking faster or the room becoming increasingly chaotic as they consume more pills, to enhance the sense of urgency and disorientation.
Enhance Naomi's character by giving her a more assertive or emotional reaction to Jordan and Donnie's behavior, which could create a stronger conflict and highlight the consequences of their lifestyle.
Explore the idea of their drug tolerance further by having them discuss past experiences with drugs, which could serve as a moment of reflection and add depth to their characters.
Consider using a voiceover from Jordan that reflects his internal thoughts during this scene, providing insight into his mindset and the consequences of his actions, which could add a layer of complexity to the narrative.

Scene 32 - Descent into Chaos

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

188 INT. BO DIETL’S CADILLAC - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 188

Bo talks on his cell.

BO DIETL
Your buddy Brad’s in jail.

JORDAN
Oh, Jesus Christ! What did he do? *

BO DIETL
I dunno yet, they arrested him in *
a shopping mall in Long Island *
this morning, I’m finding out.
But listen to me. More important
than that. The guy Denham I told
you about, the Fed? He’s got your
phones tapped, I’m pretty sure.
Home and office. *

JORDAN *
Donnie, that piece of shit. I’m *
gonna kill him! That fat prick *
mother fucker! *

BO DIETL *
But, listen to me. Do me a favor, *
please do not talk on the phone. *

JORDAN
Fuck!

BO DIETL
Did you try to bribe this fuckin’
guy?

JORDAN
What? No! I didn’t try to bribe
anybody!

BO DIETL
Jordan? I couldn’t understand
you. Say that again?

JORDAN
I zay I zint ty zoo bibe azybuzzy!

BO DIETL
Are you fucking high?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 98.

Jordan can’t respond. Phone still to his ear, his
eyelids droop. Drool spills from his slackened jaw.

JORDAN (V.O.)
After fifteen years in storage,
the Lemmons had developed a
delayed fuse.

JORDAN’S POV -- is hazy as he stares at his own
reflection in the pay phone.

JORDAN (V.O.)
It took 90 minutes for the little
fuckers to kick in, but once they
did -- pow! I had skipped the
tingle phase and went straight to
the drool phase.

JORDAN’S POV -- the phone gets further and further away.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Actually I’d discovered a new
phase: the cerebral palsy phase.

BAMMM!! Jordan hits the floor with a thud, crashed out
on his back. From the dangling phone, we hear:

BO DIETL (O.S.)
(over phone)
Jordan! Jordan! Do not get behind
the wheel! Just tell me where
you’re at, I'll send Rocco!

Jordan lolls his head toward the phone, tries to reach
for it; he can’t. He lays there for a while, then:

JORDAN (V.O.)
C’mon, stand up!

He rolls onto all fours, lifts a hand, topples over.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Okay, walking is off the list of
options. All right, what else is
there?
(a brainstorm)
I can crawl, like Skylar!

Slowly, Jordan begins crawling like an infant to the top
of the staircase.

188A SCENES 188A - 188B OMITTED 188A
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 99.

189 EXT. STAIRCASE - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 189

The Lamborghini is parked at the bottom, twenty steps
down. He starts to crawl down the stairs, stops. Tries
again. Can’t figure out how to do it.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Fuck! The kid makes it look so
easy!

An icy wind blows through his T-shirt.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Think, you motherfucker, think!
(a few beats; then)
Wait, I’ve got it!

Jordan slowly curls himself into a ball.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I can roll!

Forcing himself over the edge, Jordan begins to descend
the steps, one at a time. Thump. Thump. Then faster.
Thump- Thump-Thump. Faster still. He loses control,
takes all the steps at once. Thump-Thump-Thump-Thump-
Thump-Thump. He lands with a crash on the asphalt,
drags himself up and into the Lamborghini.

190 INT. JORDAN’S LAMBORGHINI - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 190

Ignition on, Jordan sits hunched over, chin resting on
the steering wheel. Just then, the car phone RINGS.
With great effort, he pushes the speaker phone button:

JORDAN
...ello?

NAOMI (O.S.)
Omigod! Jordan, where are you?!

JORDAN
Whazz a marra?

NAOMI (O.S.)
It’s Donnie, he’s totally out of
control! He’s on the other line
with some Swiss guy!

Jordan’s face reads horror.

JORDAN
Whaa?!! No!!
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NAOMI (O.S.)
I can’t understand you! Just get
home, hurry!

Naomi clicks off. And as Jordan puts the car in gear...

JORDAN (V.O.)
They say God protects drunks and
babies. I was praying the same
held true for drug addicts.

191 EXT. HEGEMAN’S ROAD - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 191

Peering over the wheel like an old lady, Jordan slowly
maneuvers the Lamborghini down the dark road.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I was less than a mile from home
and drove slower than shit.

192 EXT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER 95) 192

Jordan pulls up in the Lamborghini, shuts the ignition.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Somehow I made it alive, not a
scratch on me or the car.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a frantic late-night scene, Bo Dietl warns Jordan about his friend Brad's imprisonment and the possibility of phone taps by federal agent Denham. Jordan, in a drugged and agitated state, expresses paranoia and anger towards Donnie, whom he suspects of betrayal. Struggling to maintain control, he collapses and crawls down the stairs to his Lamborghini. After a frantic call from Naomi urging him to return home due to Donnie's reckless behavior, Jordan drives home slowly, reflecting on his precarious situation amidst the chaos.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Effective portrayal of escalating tension
Compelling character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful
Certain moments could be more focused

Critique

The scene effectively captures Jordan's drug-induced state, using humor and absurdity to highlight his deteriorating condition. The dialogue between Jordan and Bo Dietl is sharp and conveys urgency, but it could benefit from more tension as Jordan realizes the gravity of his situation.
The use of voiceover is a strong narrative device here, providing insight into Jordan's mental state and adding a layer of dark humor. However, the transition between his thoughts and the action could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
The physical comedy of Jordan crawling and rolling down the stairs is visually engaging and fits the tone of the film. However, it may come off as too slapstick for some viewers, potentially undermining the seriousness of the situation he finds himself in.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where it feels rushed, particularly when transitioning from the phone call with Bo to Jordan's physical struggle. A bit more time spent on his realization of the situation could heighten the stakes.
The dialogue is humorous and captures the chaotic nature of Jordan's life, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more emotional weight. For instance, Jordan's reaction to Brad being in jail could be more layered, reflecting his concern for his friend amidst his own crisis.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of reflection for Jordan after the call with Bo, where he contemplates the implications of having his phones tapped and what that means for his future. This could add depth to his character and heighten the tension.
To improve the transition between Jordan's thoughts and actions, try using more visual cues or physical reactions that align with his internal monologue, creating a stronger connection between his mental state and physical actions.
Explore the possibility of having Bo Dietl express more urgency or concern during the phone call, which could amplify the tension and make Jordan's subsequent actions feel more desperate.
Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. For example, describe the sounds of the night or the feeling of the cold air as Jordan crawls, which could ground the viewer in his chaotic experience.
Consider refining the humor in Jordan's physical struggle to ensure it complements the scene's tone without overshadowing the seriousness of his situation. Balancing comedy with the gravity of his circumstances will create a more impactful moment.

Scene 33 - Frantic Rescue

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

193 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - FAMILY ROOM - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 193

CLOSE ON the TV, where a POPEYE cartoon is playing.
PULL BACK to reveal Skylar watching. As Jordan staggers
in, Naomi approaches...

JORDAN
Where Zonnie?!

NAOMI
In the kitchen.

194 SCENE 194 OMITTED 194

195 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS 195

Phone to his ear and at least as stoned as Jordan, Donnie
stands at the counter. *

DONNIE
(into phone)
--zee money, I wazza move izz to
Zwizzyland...
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 101.

195A INT. SAUREL’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 195A
(LATE SUMMER ‘95)

Having been just woken up, Jean-Jacques Saurel sits up in
bed, phone to his ear, a perplexed look on his face.

SAUREL
What language are you speaking,
Mr. Azoff?

196 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS 196
(LATE SUMMER ‘95)

With Naomi looking on, Jordan staggers toward Donnie
like a drunk Frankenstein.

JORDAN
Ge ozza zone! Ge ozza iz!!

DONNIE
Waz? Iz zoggin oo anzali!

JORDAN
GE OZZA ZONE!!

With all the strength he can muster, Jordan RIPS the
phone from the wall, throwing it skittering across the
floor with a CLANG.

NAOMI
What the fuck are you doing?!

DONNIE
Wazza fuh is wrong wizzz oooo?!!
I wuzz awwing to!!
(Jordan grabs him)
Wazza mazzer?! Wazza yoo razy?!!

Skylar looks on from the next room, crying as Jordan
tries to shake some sense into Donnie. Naomi crosses to *
Skylar and rushes her out of the room. *

JORDAN
Zee vone!! He nah zuppose zoo
dalk on zee vone!!

DONNIE
Wuzz?!!

JORDAN
ZE NAH ZUPPOSE ZOO DALK ON ZEE
VONE!! WUZZ AAZZEN TOZAY WIZ
ZOD?!

DONNIE
WUZZ?!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 102.

JORDAN
WUZZ ZOD IN ZAW?!

DONNIE
WUZZ?!

Fuck it. Jordan releases Donnie. Donnie crawls into the *
dining room and starts shoving ham into his mouth in an *
effort to sober up. Just then, we HEAR a horrible *
GAGGING sound. Donnie holds his throat as he falls *
backward choking, taking out the entire glass kitchen
table with a tremendous CRASH! Naomi rushes back in. *

NAOMI
Omigod, he’s choking! Jordan, do
something!!

Just then, WE HEAR the triumphant Popeye FANFARE --
Jordan looks to the TV, where POPEYE pours a can of
spinach down his gullet. Instantly, his chest and arm
muscles swell to five times their size.

Jordan goes to get his coke. He snarfs up two fat
spoonfuls and -- like that -- his chest swells and he
takes a deep breath and he dashes back to the rescue...

Jordan rushes back to Donnie, who is now blue.

NAOMI (CONT’D)
He’s not breathing!

Jordan places his fingers over Donnie’s artery. Nothing.

NAOMI (CONT’D)
Save him!

Jordan kneels, starts furiously pumping Donnie’s chest,
breathing air into his lungs in rhythmic bursts.

JORDAN (V.O.)
This stupid sonovabitch! All
Donnie ever did was fuck me up and
now I had to save his life ‘cause
I took a CPR class when the baby
was learning to swim. Just for
the record, I want it noted: not
for a second did I even think
about letting him choke to death,
even though it would’ve saved me
an awful lot of headaches.

Donnie still isn’t breathing. Jordan flips him over,
tries the Heimlich -- we hear a CRUNCH as he breaks
Donnie’s ribs. He flips him back over, but he’s almost
completely blue.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 103.

JORDAN
He won’t come back!

NAOMI
Don’t let him die! He has
children!

One last try. Jordan takes a massive breath, blowing as
hard as he can into Donnie’s lungs. Donnie’s stomach
distends like a balloon, then suddenly a chunk of ham
projects from his mouth and into Jordan’s face. Donnie
coughs, vomiting. And as he starts breathing again,
Jordan exits and passes out on the living room couch. *

FADE TO BLACK.

BROOKVILLE POLICE #1 (V.O.)
Jordan Belfort?

196A INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - FAMILY ROOM - DAY 196A
(LATE SUMMER ‘95)

Jordan opens his eyes. Through his HAZY POV, we see
Violet, the maid standing over him with two OLD
BROOKVILLE POLICE OFFICERS as Naomi attends to Donnie in
the background.

JORDAN
Yes?

BROOKVILLE POLICE #1
Sir, we need to ask you some
questions.

197 SCENES 197 - 199 OMITTED 197

200 EXT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 200

Jordan exits the house with the Police Officers. The
Lamborghini is TOTALLED, an absolute wreck.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Wow. Maybe I hadn’t made it home
okay.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a chaotic late summer night scene, intoxicated Jordan stumbles into the kitchen, where Donnie is on the phone. After a confrontation, Donnie begins choking, prompting a frantic Jordan to attempt a rescue using CPR and the Heimlich maneuver. Amidst the chaos, Donnie regains consciousness after vomiting, while Jordan, overwhelmed by the ordeal, passes out on the couch. The scene captures a blend of dark humor and tension as the characters navigate the life-threatening situation.

Strengths

Effective blend of drama and comedy
Tension-filled moments
Character dynamics and development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be hard to follow due to the characters' drug-induced state

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and absurd nature of Jordan and Donnie's drug-fueled state, showcasing their disorientation and the dark humor that permeates the narrative. However, the dialogue can be difficult to follow due to the heavy use of slurred speech and nonsensical phrases, which may alienate the audience. While this reflects their intoxication, it could benefit from clearer communication to maintain engagement.
The juxtaposition of the Popeye cartoon with the life-and-death situation adds a layer of dark comedy, but it may come off as jarring for some viewers. The tonal shift from humor to urgency could be smoothed out to enhance the emotional impact of the scene. The cartoon serves as a metaphor for Jordan's inflated sense of strength and capability, but this connection could be made more explicit.
Jordan's internal monologue provides insight into his character and his complicated feelings towards Donnie, which is a strong narrative choice. However, the voiceover could be more concise to maintain pacing and keep the audience focused on the action. The humor in his thoughts about saving Donnie is effective, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation if not balanced carefully.
The physicality of the scene, particularly the CPR and Heimlich maneuver, is well-executed and creates tension. However, the description of breaking Donnie's ribs could be more grounded in reality to avoid pulling the audience out of the moment. The exaggerated nature of the scene is fitting for the film's tone, but it should still adhere to some level of believability.
The ending, where Jordan passes out on the couch, serves as a fitting conclusion to the chaos, but it could be enhanced by showing the immediate aftermath of Donnie's recovery. This would provide a clearer resolution to the tension and allow for a more impactful transition to the next scene.

Suggestions

Consider simplifying the dialogue during the intoxicated exchanges to ensure clarity while still conveying their disorientation. This will help the audience stay engaged and understand the stakes of the scene.
Explore ways to deepen the connection between the cartoon and the events unfolding in the kitchen. Perhaps include a line of dialogue that explicitly ties Jordan's actions to the cartoon's themes of strength and resilience.
Refine the voiceover to focus on key emotional beats, ensuring it complements the action rather than detracts from it. This will help maintain pacing and keep the audience invested in the moment.
Reassess the physicality of the CPR scene to ensure it remains grounded in reality while still capturing the absurdity of the situation. This balance will enhance the tension and keep the audience immersed in the drama.
Consider adding a brief moment after Donnie's recovery to show the immediate emotional fallout, allowing for a smoother transition to the next scene and providing closure to the chaos.

Scene 34 - Crossroads of Recklessness

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

201 EXT. HEGEMAN’S ROAD - NIGHT (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 201

FLASHBACK. Nodding out, Jordan drives the Lamborghini
like a maniac, careening off parked cars and trees.

JORDAN (V.O.)
It was an absolute miracle I
wasn’t killed, and an even bigger
miracle I hadn’t killed anyone.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 104.

201A INT. POLICE STATION - DAY (LATE SUMMER ‘95) 201A
*

A MAN steps up to get his mug shot taken, but it’s Brad,
not Jordan. FLASH. Turn to the side. FLASH.

JORDAN (V.O.)
But they couldn’t arrest me, the
cops had no proof I’d been behind
the wheel. Meanwhile, Brad did a *
few months in jail for contempt *
because he wouldn’t rat Donnie
out. They never found his gun,
though, so they finally had to let
him go.

202 SCENES 202 - 202A OMITTED 202

202B EXT. HORSE FARM - LONG ISLAND - DAY (OCT ‘95) 202B

Jordan watches an INSTRUCTOR lead Skylar on a pony.
Nearby Naomi holds newborn PARKER. Manny Riskin and Max
stand beside Jordan.

MANNY RISKIN
You’re a lucky guy, Jordan.
Legally I’ve never seen anyone
slip a noose the way you do.
Christ, you’re lucky to be alive
much less not in jail.

JORDAN
I don’t believe in luck.

MANNY RISKIN
That’s what all lucky people say.
It’s time, Jordan. Let me make a
deal with SEC. Before your luck
runs out.

Skylar waves from the pony and Jordan waves back.

JORDAN
What kind of terms?

MANNY RISKIN
You plead guilty to a handful of
securities violations -- stock
manipulation, high pressure sales
tactics, ticky-tack shit like
that. You pay a few million
dollars in fines and in exchange
the SEC fucks off for all time.

JORDAN
And Stratton? What happens there?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 105.

MANNY RISKIN
You’d have to walk away. Let
Donnie take over.
(that one hurts)
Now the FBI’s a different animal.
They can still pursue you for
criminal wrongdoing. But with you
on the sidelines, my guess is your
best friend Agent Denham’ll be
left standing around with his dick
in his hand.

Jordan digests that.

MAX
You beat them, Jordan. You won.
Sail into the sunset with your
wife and kids while you can.

MANNY RISKIN
God knows you’ll never have to
work again.

As Jordan looks at his picture-perfect family, WE HEAR
THE ROAR OF A CROWD...

202C SCENES 202C - 202D OMITTED 202C

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Biography"]

Summary The scene opens with a flashback of Jordan driving a Lamborghini recklessly, reflecting on his dangerous past. It shifts to a police station where Brad is jailed for contempt, having taken the fall for Jordan. At a horse farm in Long Island, Manny Riskin advises Jordan to accept a plea deal with the SEC to avoid jail time, which would require him to step away from his company. As Jordan contemplates this decision, he observes his family, highlighting the tension between his reckless past and the potential loss of his family life.

Strengths

Tension-filled atmosphere
Character introspection
High-stakes negotiations

Weaknesses

Lack of standout dialogue moments
Limited emotional impact

Critique

The scene effectively uses flashbacks to juxtapose Jordan's reckless behavior with the consequences faced by his associates, particularly Brad. This technique highlights the theme of accountability and the chaotic lifestyle that Jordan leads, which is a strong narrative choice.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset, showcasing his arrogance and denial about the severity of his actions. However, the voiceover could be more impactful if it included more emotional depth, reflecting on the consequences of his actions beyond just his own survival.
The dialogue between Manny Riskin and Jordan is informative, but it feels somewhat expository. While it conveys necessary information about the legal situation, it could benefit from a more natural flow or conflict to enhance the tension. Manny's character could express more urgency or frustration to reflect the gravity of the situation.
The scene transitions from the chaos of Jordan's driving to a serene moment at the horse farm, which is visually striking. However, the emotional connection between Jordan and his family could be deepened. Showing more of Jordan's internal conflict about his family versus his reckless lifestyle would add layers to his character.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The flashback sequence is quick and chaotic, while the conversation with Manny slows down significantly. Balancing these elements could enhance the overall flow and maintain the audience's engagement.

Suggestions

Consider adding more emotional weight to Jordan's voiceover, perhaps reflecting on the impact of his actions on others, not just himself. This could create a more complex character arc.
Incorporate more dynamic dialogue between Jordan and Manny that reveals their relationship and the stakes involved. This could include more tension or disagreement about the proposed deal.
Explore Jordan's internal conflict more deeply during the scene at the horse farm. Show his struggle between the allure of his past life and the responsibilities of being a family man.
Adjust the pacing by interspersing moments of tension with quieter, reflective beats. This could help maintain engagement and allow the audience to digest the gravity of the situation.
Consider using visual motifs or symbols to represent Jordan's internal struggle, such as contrasting images of his family with the chaos of his past, to enhance the thematic depth of the scene.

Scene 35 - The Show Goes On

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 9
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

202E INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - DAY 202E
(SPRING ‘96)

The troops ROAR as Jordan takes center stage.

JORDAN
I’m sure many of you have been
hearing rumors lately, about me,
about the future of this firm, and
that’s what I’d like to talk to
you about today.
(a few beats, then)
Five years ago when I started
Stratton with Donnie Azoff, I knew
the day would eventually come when
I’d be moving on. It’s truly with
a heavy heart that I tell you that
day is here.

The place erupts in a chorus of “No!”, “Don’t go!”, etc.
Jordan raises his hand for quiet.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Thank you for that and for your
years of incredible loyalty and
admiration.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 106.
JORDAN (CONT’D)
The point is though, that under
Donnie’s leadership, along with
Robbie Feinberg and Nicky Koskoff
moving into key management
positions, this place is gonna be
better than ever!

A smattering of applause. Jordan notices a few Brokers
gravely shaking their heads.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
And the fact that I'm gone won’t
stop me from giving Donnie advice,
not that he needs any--

DONNIE
(jumping in)
Why would anyone in their right
mind not follow JB's advice?

Donnie looks petrified; he’s used to being an offensive
tackle, not the quarterback.

JORDAN
Before I go, there’s something I
want to remind you all, and that’s
this -- Stratton Oakmont is bigger
than any one person, even me.
Especially me. You guys are
Stratton, each and every one of
you, and that is why it’s sure to
remain the best brokerage firm in
the fucking world!

Thunderous applause spreads through the boardroom, all
300 Brokers on their feet. WE PUSH IN on Jordan.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
See, the very idea of Stratton is
that when you come here and step
into this bullpen for the first
time, you start your life anew.
You have a place here and no one
can take that away from you!
Stratton Oakmont is America! Give
me your tired and poor! The very
moment you walk through that door
and pledge your loyalty to this
firm, you become part of a family,
you become a Strattonite! It
doesn’t matter who you are, it
doesn’t matter where you’re from!
Whether your family came over on
the Mayflower or on a fucking
inner tube from Haiti!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 107.

More applause. Jordan scans the young faces -- they
worship him. In the crowd he finds KIMMIE BELZER, 30s.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Everybody here knows Kimmie
Belzer, right?

Hoots and hollers... He raises his hand for quiet.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
In case any of you weren't aware
of it, Kimmie was one of
Stratton's first brokers, one of
the original twenty. Now when
most of you met Kimmie, you met
her the way she is today -- a
beautiful woman who drives a brand
new Mercedes, a woman who lives in
the finest condo complex on Long
Island. A woman who wears $3000
Armani suits, who spends her
winters in the Bahamas and her
summers in the Hamptons!

Wild applause.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
But that’s not the Kimmie I met.
The Kimmie I met was broke, a
single mom on the balls of her
ass. Three months behind on her
rent with an eight year old son!
She came to me for a job and when
I hired her she asked for a $5000
dollar advance so she could pay
his tuition. And what did I do,
Kimmie?

KIMMIE
You wrote me a check for $25,000!

JORDAN
Because I believed in you, like
I believe in each and every one
of you!

KIMMIE
I love you, Jordan!

As the Brokers go berserk, Jordan stands basking in the
adoration. He looks at Donnie, turns back to the Crowd,
looks out at the faces. A change has come over him.
He stands there, thinking. An eternity, then:
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 108.

JORDAN
You know for years I’ve been
telling you guys not to take no
for an answer, to keep pushing,
to not hang up the phone till you
get what you want. This deal I’m
about to sign, barring me from the
securities industry, barring me
from Stratton, my home... What the
fuck is that? I’ll tell you what
it is, it’s me being a hypocrite.
It’s me taking no for an answer,
it’s them selling me, not the
other way around! Fuck it, I’m
not leaving!

Jordan smiles, thrusts his hands in the air --

JORDAN (CONT’D)
THE SHOW GOES ON!!

The place goes absolutely INSANE. And as Donnie and Max
trade looks, TECHNO MUSIC BLASTS taking us to...

202Ea EXT. YACHT NAOMI - AFT DECK - DAY (SPRING ‘96) 202Ea

It’s celebration time. DOZENS of Strattonites party,
drinking/dancing/snorting, Jordan at the center of it.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Of course, the troops weren’t the *
only ones who were thrilled. *

202F INT. DENHAM’S OFFICE - DAY (SPRING ‘96) 202F

Agent Denham hears the news over the phone. A smile
touches his lips: his case goes on...

202Fa EXT. YACHT NAOMI - AFT DECK (SPRING ‘96) 202Fa
*

The party continues as Brad comes aboard. He’s welcomed *
and showered with lapdancers. *

JORDAN (V.O.) *
I apologized to Brad and promised *
him he’d never have to deal with *
Donnie again. Even offered to pay *
him for his time in the can. But *
he said no, he was out. Sad thing *
was, he was dead two years later. *
Massive heart attack while sitting *
on the john. *

202G SCENE 202G OMITTED 202G
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 109.

Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the bullpen of Stratton Oakmont, Jordan addresses the brokers, initially announcing his departure, which causes disbelief and sadness among the crowd. However, his speech transforms into a passionate declaration of loyalty to the firm and its employees, highlighted by a personal story about Kimmie Belzer's success. Ultimately, Jordan rejects the idea of leaving, declaring that 'the show goes on,' leading to a wild celebration among the brokers.

Strengths

Compelling character interactions
Motivational dialogue
Emotionally impactful moments

Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Some cliched motivational speech elements

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy and fervent loyalty of the brokers at Stratton Oakmont, showcasing Jordan's charismatic leadership. However, the transition from Jordan's announcement of his departure to his sudden decision to stay feels abrupt. This could be smoothed out with more internal conflict or hesitation from Jordan, allowing the audience to better understand his thought process.
Jordan's speech is filled with motivational rhetoric, which is fitting for his character, but it risks becoming clichéd. While the audience is meant to feel inspired, the over-the-top nature of his declarations could benefit from a more nuanced approach that reveals his underlying insecurities or doubts about his decision.
The use of Kimmie Belzer as a personal anecdote is a strong choice, as it humanizes Jordan and illustrates his impact on others. However, the scene could delve deeper into Kimmie's backstory or her feelings about Jordan's leadership to create a more emotional connection for the audience.
The dialogue is energetic and engaging, but some lines could be trimmed for brevity. For instance, Jordan's lengthy monologue about Stratton being bigger than any one person could be condensed to maintain the audience's attention and enhance the pacing.
The scene's climax, where Jordan declares 'THE SHOW GOES ON,' is powerful, but it could be enhanced by showing more of the brokers' reactions in real-time, rather than relying solely on the applause. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience, allowing them to feel the collective excitement and chaos.

Suggestions

Introduce a moment of hesitation or doubt from Jordan before he makes the decision to stay, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that reflects his internal struggle.
Consider incorporating more varied emotional responses from the brokers during Jordan's speech, showcasing a range of feelings from joy to concern, which would add depth to the scene.
Shorten some of Jordan's dialogue to keep the pacing tight and maintain the audience's engagement, focusing on the most impactful lines that convey his message.
Enhance the emotional weight of Kimmie's story by including a brief moment where she expresses her gratitude or shares her feelings about Jordan's leadership, making her more than just a prop in Jordan's narrative.
Add visual elements that capture the brokers' reactions in real-time during the climax, such as close-ups of their faces or shots of them cheering, to create a more dynamic and immersive atmosphere.

Scene 36 - Legal Troubles and Personal Tragedies

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

202H INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 202H
(SPRING ‘96)

Janet enters Jordan’s office, leaves a stack of legal
papers on his desk.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Within days, subpoenas started
flying. They were burying me in
paper --

202Ha INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - DAY (SPRING ‘96) 202Ha

Donnie pisses on a subpoena, to applause.

JORDAN (V.O.)
-- notices to produce documents,
depositions. Donnie couldn’t
drink water fast enough.

202J INT. S.E.C. - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY (SPRING ‘96) 202J
*

As Manny Riskin looks on, Jordan sits across from the
three SEC Attorneys and a COURT REPORTER.

JORDAN (V.O.)
They interrogated everybody, it
went on for months. It was total
fucking harassment...

202K-Q A SERIES OF CUTS -- (SPRING ‘96) 202K-Q
*

Various Stratton Brokers are deposed: Robbie; Rugrat,
Peter DeBlasio, Sea Otter; Chester Ming.

JORDAN (V.O.)
... but not a single Strattonite
cracked. Donnie and I were given
strict instructions not to leave
the country...

202R SCENES 202R - 207 OMITTED 202R
*

208 EXT. YACHT NAOMI - AFT DECK - DAY (SUMMER ‘96) 208

JORDAN (V.O.) *
...so we took our wives to Italy. *
Each of us had a couple of million *
we needed to deposit anyway -- *

ON A DUFFEL BAG FULL OF MONEY just resting on deck.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 110.

JORDAN (V.O.)
-- this seemed the most civilized
way to transport it overseas.

ON ANOTHER BAG, this one brimming with bottles of pills,
bags of pot, vials of coke. Jordan and Donnie cut up
lines as a HOSTESS serves Bloody Marys.

HOSTESS
Can I get you anything else,
gentlemen?

JORDAN
I have a rare condition that
requires me to drink one of these
every fifteen minutes. If you
could set your egg timer, I’d
appreciate it.

She goes. The blow is ready for inhaling. Jordan and
Donnie are doing a “you first, no, you first” routine
with a rolled up $100 when a CELL rings. Donnie grabs
it.

DONNIE
Rugrat! Bongiorno, my bald eagle! *

208A SCENES 208A - 208B OMITTED 208A
*

208C INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - OFFICE - DAY (SUMMER ‘96) 208C
*

RUGRAT
We may have a problem. Your *
friend, Steve Madden, he’s *
unloading shares. *

208D EXT. YACHT NAOMI - DAY (SUMMER ‘96) 208D
*

Donnie reacts as Rugrat expounds.

DONNIE
What?! You’re fucking kidding?! *

RUGRAT *
No. I wish I was. *

DONNIE *
(to Jordan) *
Rugrat says Steve Madden’s *
unloading shares. *

JORDAN *
What?! (Grabs Donnie’s phone) *
Rugrat, what the fuck? *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 111.
JORDAN (CONT'D)
(Hands Donnie his phone) Call the *
sonovabitch! Hold on a second. *

BACK AT STRATTON... *

RUGRAT *
I’m looking at the screen and huge *
chunks of Steve Madden are being *
sold. We’re not doing it so it’s *
gotta be Steve. He’s the only *
person who owns that many shares. *

ON THE BOAT... *

Jordan cups the phone, looks to Donnie who shrugs.

DONNIE
He’s not picking up.

JORDAN
Your fucking friend is trying to
fuck me. And you know where he’s
trying to fuck me? Up the ass.
(back to Rugrat)
I need some time to think. *

Jordan thinks, snorts a line to think better.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Even though I owned 85% of Steve-
Cocksucker-Madden-fucking-Shoes,
the shares were in his fucking
name. Motherfucker knew I was in
trouble with the Feds and was
trying to take advantage.

He gets back on the phone with Rugrat.

JORDAN
Tell all the brokers to sell. *
Drive the price down. Steve will *
go cockless when he watches me *
turn his company into a penny *
stock. *
(he hangs up)
Sonovacunt!
(yelling below deck)
Captain Ted!! Start ‘er up, we
gotta go home! *

The sight of Naomi and Hildy returning from their trip
ashore stops him. Because Naomi’s weeping, Hildy
consoling her.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
What the fuck?! What happened?
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 112.

NAOMI
I got a call from cousin Betty.
Aunt Emma’s dead.

Off Jordan’s reaction as Naomi weeps and laments the
dearly departed: “she was so young, so healthy” etc. --

JORDAN (V.O.)
Fucking heart attack. Boom-snap,
she was gone. Shuffled off her
mortal coil and twenty million
dollars in a Swiss bank account.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Jordan's office is overwhelmed with legal documents as subpoenas and depositions accumulate against him and his firm, Stratton Oakmont. Donnie humorously urinates on a subpoena, while Jordan expresses concern over the SEC's scrutiny. Despite the pressure, the brokers remain steadfast under interrogation. A trip to Italy with their wives is planned, where they intend to launder cash and indulge in drugs. However, tension escalates when Jordan learns that Steve Madden is unloading shares, indicating a betrayal amidst his legal troubles. The scene concludes with Jordan's shock as Naomi enters, distraught over her aunt's death, adding emotional weight to the unfolding chaos.

Strengths

Complex characters
Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled conflict

Weaknesses

Some scenes may feel rushed
Limited character development in certain moments

Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic atmosphere surrounding Jordan and his firm as they face legal troubles, using humor and absurdity to highlight the characters' reckless behavior. However, the transition from the serious implications of subpoenas to the comedic moment of Donnie urinating on a subpoena feels jarring and may undermine the gravity of the situation. This tonal shift could confuse the audience about how to feel about the characters' actions.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset and the escalating pressure from the SEC, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. While the humor is present, the stakes feel somewhat diluted. The audience should feel the weight of the impending legal consequences more acutely, which could be achieved by contrasting the humor with moments of genuine concern or fear from the characters.
The dialogue is sharp and captures the characters' personalities well, but some lines, particularly in the phone conversation with Rugrat, could be tightened for clarity and impact. The back-and-forth could be more dynamic, emphasizing the urgency of the situation rather than allowing it to feel somewhat repetitive.
The visual elements, such as the duffel bags full of money and drugs, effectively illustrate the characters' hedonistic lifestyle. However, the scene could benefit from more varied visuals to break up the dialogue-heavy sections. Incorporating more action or physical comedy could enhance the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
The emotional climax of the scene, where Naomi reveals her aunt's death, feels abrupt and could be better foreshadowed. The audience should have a stronger sense of impending doom leading up to this moment, which would make the revelation more impactful. Additionally, Jordan's reaction could be more nuanced, reflecting both his personal loss and the potential financial implications.

Suggestions

Consider balancing the humor with more serious moments to maintain the stakes of the legal troubles. This could involve showing the characters' genuine fear or concern about the consequences they face.
Enhance the dialogue during the phone call with Rugrat by making it more concise and impactful. Focus on the urgency of the situation to heighten tension.
Incorporate more varied visual elements to break up the dialogue-heavy sections. This could include physical comedy or action that reflects the chaos of their lifestyle.
Foreshadow the emotional climax regarding Aunt Emma's death more effectively. Build tension leading up to this moment to make it feel more significant and impactful.
Explore Jordan's emotional response to Aunt Emma's death in greater depth, showing how it affects him personally and financially, which could add layers to his character.

Scene 37 - Inheritance on the Horizon

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 9

208E INT. BANQUE REAL DE GENEVE - SAUREL’S OFFICE - DAY 208E
(SUMMER ‘96)

Jean-Jacques Saurel sits at his desk, calmly smoking as
he talks on the phone.

SAUREL
It is terrible. Your aunt was
such an elegant, attractive woman.
My condolences to you and your
family. You must be --

208F INTERCUT JORDAN ON THE BOAT AND SAUREL IN GENEVA 208F

JORDAN
(no time for it)
Thanks but where does this leave
us in regard to her account? It
goes into probate or what?

SAUREL
Not to worry, Jordan. Your aunt,
before she died, signed a document
naming you as her successor.

JORDAN
She did?!

SAUREL
(a sly grin)
Well. Not as of yet.

And as they continue talking, Jordan pulls out a nautical
map of the Italian coastline:

JORDAN (V.O.)
I gotta say, these Swiss were
sneaky motherfuckers. Within
minutes he made arrangements to
set me up with a forger, the best
document specialist in Geneva.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 113.
JORDAN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Thing was: I had to get there in
three business days to co-sign on
the account.

Jordan goes rapid-fire. He yells: *

JORDAN
Captain Ted! Change of plan! *
We’re going to Monaco. *

NAOMI
Monaco, now? *

JORDAN *
Yes, babe. We’re going to Monaco *
so then we can go to Switzerland. *

HILDY
But her aunt just died, we can’t
go to --

JORDAN
I realize that but we have to go *
to Switzerland. *

DONNIE
What about -- *

JORDAN
(way ahead of him)
-- keep calling, when the fuck
picks up, set a meet with him in
three business days. *

NAOMI
We gotta go to London. *

JORDAN
Why?!

NAOMI
The funeral.

JORDAN *
Honey, I loved your Aunt Emma more *
than anyone in the world, but *
she’s still gonna be dead in two *
days. She’s not going anywhere. *

Captain Ted Beecham emerges from below.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Captain Ted, we’ve gotta get to *
Monaco.

CAPTAIN TED *
Monaco? *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 114.

JORDAN *
Then we drive to Switzerland so *
they don’t stamp our passports. *
Take care of business. Drive back *
to Monaco, fly to London for the *
funeral, fly back to New York to *
be there in three business days - *
That’s the fuckin’ plan. *

CAPTAIN TED
I’m getting reports of some
weather out there. Might run into
some chop.

JORDAN *
The boat’s 170 feet long. She can *
handle a little chop. *

HILDY *
We’re not going anywhere until he *
says it’s safe. *

DONNIE *
Chop is fine. *

JORDAN *
Is it safe? *

CAPTAIN TED *
If we take it slow... *

JORDAN *
We can do it? *

CAPTAIN TED *
Chop is chop. Some chop - it can *
be uncomfortable. *

JORDAN *
Well, that’s fine. *

CAPTAIN TED *
Anything is possible. I mean we’ll *
have to batten down the hatches *
just to be safe. Could be a few *
broken dishes. *

JORDAN *
A few broken dishes. Isn’t that *
great? Let’s go to Monaco - *

Jordan, Captain Ted and Donnie rush down stairs. As the *
ENGINE starts... *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 115.

209 EXT. MEDITERRANEAN SEA - NIGHT (SUMMER ‘96) 209

The perfect storm. As the Naomi tips at a 45-degree
angle, a thick wall of gray water comes rising over her
side, slamming onto the bridge with a thunderous CRASH.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Well talk about your shitty
vacations...

Six Jet Skis plummet off the deck into the raging sea.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Jean-Jacques Saurel speaks with Jordan, who is on a boat, expressing faux condolences for Jordan's aunt's death while revealing she hasn't signed the document naming him as her successor. Eager to secure his inheritance, Jordan devises a plan to travel to Monaco and Switzerland to meet a forger, disregarding the emotional weight of the situation. Despite objections from companions Naomi and Hildy about the timing due to the funeral, and warnings from Captain Ted about potential weather issues, Jordan insists on proceeding with the trip. The scene ends with the boat's engine starting, foreshadowing the tumultuous journey ahead.

Strengths

Fast-paced dialogue
High-stakes situation
Complex character interactions
Tension-building

Weaknesses

Potentially overwhelming amount of information
Some characters' motivations may be unclear at times

Critique

The scene effectively captures Jordan's frantic and self-serving nature, showcasing his prioritization of financial gain over familial obligations. This aligns well with the established character arc, emphasizing his moral decline.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the chaotic energy of the moment, particularly Jordan's rapid-fire speech. However, it could benefit from more varied pacing to enhance the tension and urgency of the situation.
The intercutting between Saurel and Jordan is a strong choice, as it visually represents the distance between their worlds while maintaining the urgency of Jordan's situation. However, the emotional weight of the aunt's death could be more pronounced, as it feels overshadowed by Jordan's immediate concerns.
The use of nautical terminology and references to the map adds a layer of authenticity to the scene, but it may alienate viewers who are not familiar with such terms. Simplifying some of the jargon could make the scene more accessible.
The character dynamics are well-established, particularly the tension between Jordan and Naomi regarding the funeral. However, Naomi's character could be further developed to show her emotional conflict more clearly, as she seems to be sidelined in this moment of chaos.

Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Jordan reflects on his aunt's death, even briefly, to provide a contrast to his otherwise self-centered behavior. This could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
Introduce a moment of hesitation or conflict within Jordan before he decides to prioritize the trip over attending the funeral. This could add complexity to his character and make the audience question his choices.
Enhance Naomi's role in the scene by giving her a more assertive stance against Jordan's plans. This could create a stronger emotional conflict and highlight the strain in their relationship.
Incorporate visual cues that emphasize the chaos of the situation, such as close-ups of Jordan's frantic expressions or the reactions of the crew, to heighten the tension and urgency.
Consider varying the pacing of the dialogue to create moments of silence or slower exchanges that can amplify the tension and allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.

Scene 38 - Stormy Descent

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

210 INT. YACHT NAOMI - BRIDGE - NIGHT (SUMMER ‘96) 210

Donnie and Naomi stand on the bridge where Captain Ted *
Beecham holds the ship's wheel with both hands, the radio
blaring in the background. Jordan enters. *

JORDAN *
What the fuck is going on? *

CAPTAIN TED *
Jet skis just went overboard. *

RADIO VOICE
Gale warning! Gale warning! *

CAPTAIN TED
The waves are twenty feet and
building!

JORDAN
Can’t you turn us around?!

CAPTAIN TED
We’ll get broad-sided and tip
over!

RADIO VOICE
Gale warning! Gale warning!

Naomi turns to Jordan, furious with him.

NAOMI
You happy now, you piece of shit? *
We’re gonna drown. *

JORDAN
I’m a master diver. We will not *
drown, I promise you. I got you, *
baby. *
(realizing she’s *
probably right; to
Donnie)
The ludes!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 116.

DONNIE
What?

JORDAN
Get the fucking ludes! *

DONNIE
They’re below deck! There’s like
three feet of water down there!

JORDAN
I can’t die fucking sober!

As Donnie heads off --

NAOMI
What is he crazy? Where’s he *
going? Donnie! *

210A INT. BELOW DECKS - CONTINUOUS 210A
*

Donnie retrieves the ludes. *

210B INT. YACHT NAOMI - BRIDGE - CONTINUOUS 210B
*

Captain Ted stares through his binoculars.

CAPTAIN TED
Jesus Christ! *

TIME CUT TO: *
Donnie returns with ludes - feeds to Jordan and then *
himself. *

JORDAN
What’s happening?! *

CAPTAIN TED *
Rogue wave! *

Jordan grabs Naomi. All at once the boat dips down at an *
impossibly steep angle, until it’s pointing almost *
straight down. Captain Ted jams the throttle and the *
boat jerks forward, rising up the face of a giant rogue *
wave, which curls over the top of the bridge and... *

KABOOM! -- Blackness. Slowly, painfully, the boat pops *
up from beneath the water, its helicopter RIPPING from *
the deck and crashing into the sea. *

CAPTAIN TED (CONT’D)
(into radio)
Mayday! This is Captain Ted
Beecham aboard the Yacht Naomi!
This is a Mayday!
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 117.
CAPTAIN TED (CONT’D)
We are going down at the head
fifty miles off the coast of Rome
and we require immediate
assistance!

211 INT. ITALIAN NAVAL DESTROYER - BELOW DECK - NIGHT *211
(SUMMER ‘96)

Off to the side, Jordan watches as Naomi, their Friends,
and the yacht’s Crew Members dance to blaring techno
music. A small group of Italian SAILORS cheer them on.

JORDAN (V.O.)
The nice thing about getting
rescued by Italians is that the
first thing they do is feed you
and make you drink red wine.
Then they make you dance.

Jordan watches as the dancing continues, then casually
glances out a porthole, where WE SEE the distant lights
of a PLANE making its way across the night sky. After a
few beats, the plane EXPLODES, a tiny flash of light.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Did you see that? That was the
plane I sent for to come get us.
I shit you not, it exploded when
a seagull flew into the engine,
three people killed. You want a
sign from God, well after all this
I finally got the message. I had
to make some fucking changes.

FADE OUT.

212 SCENES 212 - 214 OMITTED *212

24 MONTHS LATER

Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary On the yacht Naomi, Captain Ted battles a fierce storm while Jordan panics and insists on retrieving drugs, causing tension with Naomi, who blames him for their perilous situation. As the yacht faces towering waves, chaos ensues, culminating in a rogue wave that nearly capsizes the vessel. In a desperate move, Captain Ted issues a mayday call as the yacht begins to sink, setting the stage for their rescue.

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Realistic portrayal of crisis
Engaging conflict

Weaknesses

Limited character development due to focus on immediate danger

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension with the impending disaster of the yacht being caught in a gale, which mirrors Jordan's chaotic lifestyle. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it reflected the gravity of the situation rather than relying on humor and drug references. This would enhance the stakes and emotional weight of the moment.
Jordan's character is consistent with his reckless persona, but his insistence on retrieving drugs in a life-threatening situation feels exaggerated and may detract from the realism of the scene. It could be beneficial to explore his desperation in a way that doesn't undermine the seriousness of the impending disaster.
The transition from the chaos on the yacht to the rescue by the Italian naval destroyer is abrupt. While the humor in the voiceover about being rescued is entertaining, it may lessen the tension built up in the previous moments. A smoother transition that maintains the urgency of the situation would enhance the flow of the narrative.
The visual imagery of the yacht tipping and the subsequent mayday call is strong, but the description of the rogue wave could be more vivid to heighten the sense of danger. Using more sensory details could immerse the audience further into the scene.
The voiceover at the end, while humorous, feels disconnected from the immediate emotional turmoil of the characters. It might be more effective to show the characters' reactions to the explosion of the plane rather than narrating it, allowing the audience to experience the shock and realization alongside Jordan.

Suggestions

Consider revising the dialogue to reflect a more serious tone during the crisis, emphasizing the characters' fear and urgency rather than relying on humor.
Explore Jordan's desperation for drugs in a way that highlights his addiction without overshadowing the life-threatening situation. Perhaps show a moment of hesitation or conflict within him before he makes the decision to retrieve the drugs.
Create a more gradual transition from the chaos of the yacht to the rescue scene, perhaps by including a moment of reflection or a brief pause that allows the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.
Enhance the description of the rogue wave with more sensory details, such as the sound of the crashing water or the feeling of the boat being tossed, to create a more immersive experience.
Instead of using voiceover to describe the explosion of the plane, consider showing the characters' reactions to it in real-time, allowing the audience to feel the shock and gravity of the moment.

Scene 39 - Ambition Over Dinner

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

215 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - LIVING ROOM - DAY (SUMMER ‘98) *215

Jordan, looking healthier than we’ve seen him thus far, *
sits on the couch; stacks of paperwork on the coffee *
table. After a few beats, Naomi enters from the kitchen. *

NAOMI *
Dinner’s ready. *

JORDAN *
I gotta finish these balance *
sheets, babe. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 118.

NAOMI *
Well, it’s there. So the kids are *
gonna start. *

Naomi exits. Jordan goes back to work. Looks up at TV. *
Watches for a bit. *

JORDAN (V.O.) *
What’s the single most important *
skill in life you can ever master? *

CUT TO:

215A THE INFOMERCIAL. 215A

Shot on 90’s-era video, an ad intended for late-night
local tv. The defining idea here is that while the
commercial may be amateurish, Jordan isn’t; he’s an
excellent salesman even if the ad is cut-rate.

WE START WITH FLASHES OF THE SEMINAR: Jordan in front of
a dry erase board, lecturing a small audience.

JORDAN
At the essence of every personal
interaction, of every business
transaction, of every effective
human communication is
PERSUASION... once you learn to
control the linguistic encounter,
you will be SHOCKED at what will
happen... you are a person worth
listening to, and taking it one
step higher than that, you are
someone who can help them achieve
their goals...

215B JORDAN ON THE GROUNDS OF HIS ESTATE, addressing us. 215B

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Do you dream of being financially
independent but struggle every
month just to pay your bills?
Would you like to own a home like *
this one someday but can barely
afford to pay your rent?
(ZOOM IN ON HIM)
My name is Jordan Belfort and
there’s no secret to wealth
creation. No matter who you are,
where you came from, you too can *
become financially independent in
just a matter of months. All you
need is a strategy.
(NEW ANGLE; he enters
from same side as
previous shot)
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 119.
JORDAN (CONT’D)
The first action you have to take
is to DECIDE to be wealthy. When
I was 24 years old, I made a
DECISION not to just survive but
to THRIVE. I started my own stock
brokerage firm, developing a *
SYSTEM OF SELLING that within a
year made me a multi-millionaire.

215C-G A SNAPSHOT OF JORDAN’S CHILDHOOD HOME, then OF HIS 215C-G
CURRENT ESTATE, FOLLOWED BY EXAMPLES OF WEALTH: his
sportscars, Naomi in a bikini, stock footage of a jet...

JORDAN (V.O.)
From these humble middle-class
beginnings, I now live here...with
my beautiful wife and
kids...living the lifestyle of our
dreams...

215H THE SEMINAR. Jordan high-fives attendees. 215H

JORDAN (V.O.)
Now I’m passing along the secrets
to my success in my 90-minute free
seminar, “Jordan Belfort’s
Straight Line Persuasion.”

215J FIRST TESTIMONIAL. A MAN holds a framed check. 215J

MAN
I have here in my hand, framed, is
a check for twenty-seven thousand
four hundred and thirty-seven
dollars and sixty-three cents that
I netted from one deal after
attending Jordan Belfort’s, um,
Straight Line Persuasion seminar.

215K JORDAN, on a yacht with NAOMI and some MODELS. 215K
*

JORDAN
There’s nobody stopping you from *
making millions. There is nobody *
holding you back from financial *
freedom. *
(to Naomi) *
Thank You Sweet Heart. *
(back to camera) *
Don’t just sit at home or the life *
of your dreams will sail right *
past you. *

215L TESTIMONIAL #2. A COUPLE in a kitschy living room. 215L
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 120.

HUSBAND
Thanks to the Straight Line
System, we could afford this home
and now we’re living the lives of
our dreams.

215M A HELICOPTER descends to a helipad. 215M

JORDAN (V.O.)
I’ve changed all these people’s
lives and I can change yours, too!

It touches down and Jordan jumps out to address us --

JORDAN
So come to my seminar!! The life
of your dreams is only a decision
away --

-- and BAM! gets clothes-lined by Agent Denham.

216 SCENES 216 - 217 OMITTED 216

218 INT. CENTRAL BOOKING - QUEENS - NIGHT (SEP ‘98) 218

CLOSE ON JORDAN’S HANDS, at last in cuffs. PAN UP TO
HIM, looking none-too-pleased.

JORDAN (V.O.)
This one takes the cake. It was
Rugrat, he’d been busted down in
Miami, and guess who the fuck
with?

219 EXT. MIAMI RESTAURANT - NIGHT (SEP ‘98) 219

Jean-Jacques Saurel is handcuffed by Feds as Rugrat looks
on crying, handcuffed nearby.

JORDAN (V.O.)
What were the odds? There had to
be ten thousand Swiss bankers in
Geneva and I choose the one dumb
enough to get himself arrested on
U.S. soil.

220 INT. MIAMI FBI OFFICE - NIGHT (SEP ‘98) 220

CLICK! Saurel gets his mug shot taken.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 121.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Even more ironic was he'd gotten
himself indicted on charges that
had nothing to fucking do with me.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Biography"]

Summary In the summer of 1998, Jordan is engrossed in completing balance sheets at his luxurious estate, showcasing his dedication to work over family. Naomi interrupts to inform him that dinner is ready, highlighting the tension between his ambition and personal relationships. The scene shifts as Jordan appears in a late-night infomercial, confidently promoting his seminar on financial independence, further emphasizing his focus on success. The emotional tone reflects a mix of ambition and detachment, culminating in an abrupt transition as Jordan is clothes-lined by Agent Denham.

Strengths

Effective character development
Engaging dialogue
Emotional impact

Weaknesses

Some repetitive elements in the infomercial sequence

Critique

The scene effectively contrasts Jordan's previous chaotic lifestyle with his current, seemingly healthier state, which adds depth to his character arc. However, the transition from his chaotic past to this moment of calm feels abrupt and could benefit from more context or reflection on how he arrived at this point.
The dialogue between Jordan and Naomi is functional but lacks emotional weight. While it establishes their domestic life, it doesn't delve into the complexities of their relationship, especially given the tumultuous history they've shared. More subtext or tension in their exchange could enhance the scene.
The infomercial segment serves as a clever narrative device to showcase Jordan's transformation and his continued manipulation of others. However, the tone shifts from a personal moment to a commercial feel, which may disrupt the flow. A smoother transition between these two elements would help maintain engagement.
Jordan's voiceover is effective in conveying his persuasive philosophy, but it risks feeling overly didactic. The audience may benefit from seeing more of Jordan's persuasive techniques in action rather than just hearing about them, which could create a more dynamic and engaging scene.
The visual elements, such as the contrast between the infomercial's amateurish quality and Jordan's polished persona, are strong. However, the scene could further utilize visual storytelling to illustrate the disparity between his past and present, perhaps through flashbacks or symbolic imagery.

Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jordan before Naomi enters, allowing him to contemplate his past and the choices that led him to this point. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
Enhance the dialogue between Jordan and Naomi by incorporating more tension or unresolved issues from their past. This could create a richer emotional landscape and make their interactions more compelling.
Smooth the transition between the living room scene and the infomercial by using a visual or auditory cue, such as a fade or a sound effect, to signal the shift in tone and setting.
Incorporate a scene or flashback that demonstrates Jordan's persuasive skills in action, rather than relying solely on voiceover. This could provide a more engaging and immersive experience for the audience.
Explore the use of visual metaphors or motifs that represent Jordan's journey from chaos to control, such as contrasting images of his past lifestyle with his current domesticity, to reinforce the themes of the scene.

Scene 40 - Legal Turmoil and Betrayal

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

221 EXT. MIAMI MANSION - NIGHT (SEP ‘98) 221

ROCKY AOKI, Japanese, 50s, is led out in handcuffs by a
MAN in an FBI windbreaker.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Something about laundering drug
money through offshore boat racing
and a guy named Rocky Aoki, the
founder of Benihana.

221A INSERT BENI HANA COMMERCIAL -- 221A

A smiling Rocky Aoki looks on as a HIBACHI CHEF expertly
dices shrimp on a sizzling grill.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Beni-fucking-hana! Why would God
be so cruel as to choose a chain
of fucking Hibachi Restaurants to
bring me down?

222 INT. SAUREL’S BEDROOM - DAY (OCT ‘95) 222

Saurel lays on the bed, smoking.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Long story short was Saurel ratted
me out, but not before he ratted
out Chantalle, who it turns out
he’d been fucking every time she
went to Switzerland!

Chantalle emerges from the bathroom naked. Laughing, she
runs and jumps in bed with Saurel.

223 INT. FEDERAL COURT - QUEENS - DAY (SEP ‘98) 223

With his criminal attorney NOLAN DRAGER, 40s, next to
him, Jordan stands before a JUDGE, being arraigned.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I was indicted for money
laundering, securities fraud and
an endless list of other shit.

*
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 122.

HON. SAMANTHA STOGEL *
(leafing through a *
subpoena) *
One count engaging in conspiracy *
to commit securities fraud. Two *
counts securities fraud. One *
count engaging in conspiracy to *
commit money laundering. Twenty- *
one counts money laundering. One *
count obstruction of justice. *
(gives Jordan a *
withering glare) *
Bail is set at ten million
dollars.

The Judge bangs the gavel.

223A US ATTORNEY’S OFFICE - MOVED TO 226A 223A
*

223B INT. FEDERAL COURT LOBBY - DAY 223B
*

Jordan walks with Nolan Drager, who flips through the *
subpoena. *

NOLAN DRAGER *
This is...well, it’s not good. *
It’s pretty bad actually. How *
much money do you have, Jordan? *

JORDAN *
I can make bail. *

NOLAN DRAGER *
I don’t mean the ten million, I *
mean for legal fees. Cuz if you *
want to fight this thing, it’s *
gonna be expensive. Like, sell- *
everything-you-own-expensive. *

224 EXT. U.S. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE - DAY (SEP ‘98) *224

Jordan exits the building. He’s fucked and he knows it.
He sees beautiful Naomi waiting for him beside a
limosine; life isn’t totally hopeless. He approaches.

JORDAN
Nay, thank God. I’m so glad
you’re here.

They embrace. He can’t see her expression: she’d rather
be anywhere else.

225 SCENE 225 OMITTED 225
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 123.

Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Biography"]

Summary In a tense scene set in Miami and New York City, Rocky Aoki is arrested for laundering drug money, prompting Jordan to reflect on his own legal troubles stemming from Saurel's betrayal. In federal court, Jordan faces serious charges, including money laundering and securities fraud, with bail set at ten million dollars. His attorney, Nolan Drager, warns him about the financial burden of his legal battles. Despite feeling defeated, Jordan finds a moment of solace in the presence of his partner, Naomi, who appears emotionally distant.

Strengths

Strong character development
Engaging plot progression
Effective use of tension and conflict

Weaknesses

Some scenes may be overwhelming with multiple subplots and characters

Critique

The scene effectively captures the gravity of Jordan's legal troubles, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional connection to the characters involved. While the dialogue and voiceover convey the seriousness of the situation, the visual elements and character interactions feel somewhat detached. Adding more emotional weight to Jordan's reaction to his indictment could enhance the audience's investment in his character.
The use of voiceover is prevalent throughout the scene, which can be effective for exposition but risks feeling overused. It might be more impactful to show Jordan's reactions and thoughts through his actions and expressions rather than relying heavily on voiceover. This would allow the audience to experience the moment with him rather than being told what he feels.
The transition from the arrest of Rocky Aoki to Jordan's courtroom scene feels abrupt. While the montage of events is a common technique, ensuring smoother transitions between these significant moments could help maintain narrative flow. Consider using visual or thematic links to connect these scenes more cohesively.
The humor in Jordan's voiceover about the absurdity of his situation (e.g., the Benihana reference) is a strong element, but it may come off as flippant given the serious nature of the charges he faces. Balancing humor with the gravity of the situation is crucial; too much levity can undermine the stakes of the narrative.
The dialogue between Jordan and his attorney, Nolan Drager, is informative but could be more dynamic. Adding tension or conflict in their exchange could heighten the stakes and showcase Jordan's desperation. For instance, Nolan could express frustration over Jordan's previous decisions that led to this moment, creating a more layered interaction.

Suggestions

Incorporate more visual storytelling to convey Jordan's emotional state during the arraignment. Close-ups of his expressions or body language could provide insight into his internal struggle.
Consider reducing the reliance on voiceover by allowing Jordan's actions and reactions to speak for themselves. This could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Enhance the transitions between scenes by using thematic elements or visual motifs that connect the events, making the narrative flow more seamless.
Balance the humor in Jordan's voiceover with the seriousness of the situation. Ensure that the comedic elements do not detract from the gravity of the legal consequences he faces.
Revise the dialogue between Jordan and Nolan to include more tension or conflict, showcasing the stakes of the situation and Jordan's desperation to maintain control over his life.

Scene 41 - Beneath the Surface

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 8
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 7

226 EXT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - POOL AREA - DAY (SEP ‘98) 226

ON SKYLAR AND PARKER, playing with a NANNY and Rocky the
dog. Jordan watches them, sitting by his pool, drinking
an O’Douls, weighing his options.

Donnie pops into the yard, in “Uncle Donnie” mode.

DONNIE
Hey, everybody! How’re the
happiest people in Long Island?
Hi, Rocky!!
(joining Jordan)
Hate that fucking dog.

JORDAN
Tell me about it. It’s getting
old, starting to shit inside the
house again.

Jordan offers Donnie an O’Douls; Donnie declines.

DONNIE
How you doing, brother? How was
the food in jail?

JORDAN
Lobster Newburg sucked. They gave
me some jewelry though.

He shows off the electronic bracelet around his ankle.

DONNIE
Wonder if they got one in my size.
Fuckin’ Rugrat, that wig-wearin’
hump. Tell you one thing: I’m
never eating at Benihana’s again.
Where’s Naomi?

JORDAN
Inside. Pissed.

Donnie sees Naomi in a window. He waves but she barely
registers him.

DONNIE
What’s up her ass?

JORDAN
Had to mortgage the home to make
bail. Probably gonna hafta sell
it to pay my lawyers. If we fight
this thing.

Donnie weighs that.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 124.

DONNIE
The Feds say anything about coming
after the rest of us?

Jordan thinks, then shakes his head no.

DONNIE (CONT’D)
You know, we’re all behind you.
Everyone at the office.
(he removes an
envelope, hands it
to Jordan)
We bought back your mortgage. All
the founding partners threw in a
million apiece. Figured none of
us would have it if it weren’t for
you.

Jordan’s profoundly touched. Donnie squeezes his
shoulder. A real moment of friendship.

DONNIE (CONT’D)
You gotta fight this thing, baby.

Jordan nods.

JORDAN (V.O.)
Like I said, loyalty meant a lot
to me. Without your friends and
family standing behind you, you’re
fucked.

226A INT. U.S. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 226A
*
(SEP ‘98) *

Jordan sits with Nolan Drager across from FBI Agent *
Denham, U.S. Attorney LUCAS SOLOMON, 50s, and Assistant *
U.S. Attorney ROCHELLE APPLEBAUM, 30s, humorless. *

LUCAS SOLOMON *
There’s a term we have around *
here, we don’t like to use it *
often, only when circumstances *
dictate. It’s called a “Grenada.” *
Inspired by our government’s *
invasion in 1983 of the island *
nation of only 90,000 people, *
basically it stands for any case *
we get which is pretty much unlose- *
able. We could show up late and *
drunk to court, fuck up left-right- *
and-center and still we’d win. *
Mr. Belfort, you, sir, are a *
“Grenada.” *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 125.

ROCHELLE APPLEBAUM *
You’re looking at real prison *
time. Money laundering gets you *
as much as 20 years. Case *
couldn’t be stronger if we’d have *
caught you with your cash in your *
mattress. *

Solomon pushes a box full of evidence across the table. *
Jordan eyeballs Denham. *

LUCAS SOLOMON *
Read the discovery. *

JORDAN *
That your life’s work in the box? *

AGENT DENHAM *
Jordan, you rotting in jail til *
your kids’re outta college isn’t *
our ambition here. You weren’t *
the only one involved in all this. *
We think those folks deserve their *
day in court too. *

NOLAN DRAGER *
Why do I get the sense there’s an
offer in the air? If so, let’s *
put it on the table. *

LUCAS SOLOMON
Full cooperation. A comprehensive
list of all coconspirators
spanning the last seven years and
he agrees to wear a wire.

JORDAN
You want me to rat?

LUCAS SOLOMON *
We want your cooperation in -- *

AGENT DENHAM *
Yes. We want you to rat. *

227 SCENES 227 - 229 OMITTED 227

Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In this scene, Jordan enjoys a moment of leisure at his estate's pool with his children and dog, Rocky, until Donnie arrives, shifting the mood to seriousness as he discusses Jordan's legal troubles and the financial support from their partners. The scene transitions to a tense meeting at the U.S. Attorney's office, where Jordan faces the gravity of his situation and the pressure to cooperate with authorities, highlighting the conflict between his loyalty to friends and the threat of legal consequences.

Strengths

Exploration of loyalty and consequences
Emotional depth
Introduction of new conflicts

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more dynamic

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan's personal life and his legal troubles, showcasing the emotional weight of his situation. However, the transition from the pool area to the U.S. Attorney's office feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
The dialogue between Jordan and Donnie is engaging and highlights their camaraderie, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, while Donnie expresses loyalty, there could be hints of doubt or fear about their future, adding depth to their friendship.
Jordan's internal conflict regarding loyalty and betrayal is introduced but not fully explored. The voiceover provides insight into his thoughts, but it could be more impactful if it were woven into the dialogue or actions, allowing the audience to experience his turmoil in real-time.
The introduction of the U.S. Attorney's office scene is effective in raising the stakes, but the dialogue from the attorneys could be more dynamic. The legal jargon is necessary, but it risks losing the audience's engagement. Simplifying some of the language or adding more dramatic flair could enhance the tension.
The emotional tone shifts from a moment of friendship to a serious legal confrontation, which is effective but could be more pronounced. The contrast between the light-hearted banter at the pool and the gravity of the U.S. Attorney's office could be emphasized through visual cues or sound design.

Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jordan before transitioning to the U.S. Attorney's office. This could be a visual cue, such as him looking at his children playing, which would heighten the emotional stakes of the upcoming confrontation.
Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie. For example, Donnie could express concern about the implications of Jordan's legal troubles, hinting at the fear that others might be implicated, which would add tension to their conversation.
Enhance the voiceover by integrating it into the dialogue or actions. For instance, as Jordan interacts with Donnie, he could have fleeting thoughts about loyalty and betrayal that inform his responses, making the audience feel his internal conflict more acutely.
Revise the dialogue in the U.S. Attorney's office to include more dramatic tension. Consider using metaphors or analogies that resonate with Jordan's character, making the legal stakes feel more personal and immediate.
To emphasize the emotional shift between the two scenes, consider using contrasting sound design or music. The light-hearted atmosphere of the pool could be underscored with upbeat music, which abruptly cuts to a more somber tone as they enter the U.S. Attorney's office.

Scene 42 - Divided by Optimism

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 7
Plot: 8
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 9

230 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT (SEP ‘98) 230

JORDAN *
How was Christy’s party? *

NAOMI *
It was fine. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 126.

JORDAN *
Baby, I talked to the lawyers *
again today. I have some really *
great news. As it turns out you’re *
totally off the hook. *

NAOMI *
I know that already. *

JORDAN *
You never did anything wrong *
anyway, right? At the end of the *
day all they really want is for me *
to cooperate - that’s it. *
See, apparently, I know so much *
about what’s going on in the stock *
market that I could save the *
government years of heartache. But *
it get’s even better... You see, *
if I cooperate I’ll only have to *
serve four short years and any *
fine I’d have to pay wouldn’t be *
due til after I serve my sentence. *
We’ll still have plenty of money *
left over. The only thing that I *
was kind of upset about was the *
fact that I might have to give *
them information about my friends. *

NAOMI *
Like you said, “There’s no friends *
on Wall Street”. *

JORDAN *
But there’s a silver lining to *
that too... It turns out that all *
of ‘em are probably gonna *
cooperate too. So in the end, that *
won’t really be a factor. *

NAOMI *
Well, that’s really good news, *
honey. I’m really happy for you. *

JORDAN *
No, it’s good for both of us, Nay. *

NAOMI *
Yeah, yeah. *

JORDAN *
Make love to me baby. Make love to *
me nice and slow. *

NAOMI *
No Jordan. Stop! *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 127.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In Jordan's master bedroom, he shares optimistic news about his legal troubles with Naomi, claiming she is off the hook and that he may only face four years in prison if he cooperates. While Naomi appears supportive, she maintains emotional distance and skepticism about his exuberance. Jordan attempts to initiate intimacy, but Naomi rebuffs him, highlighting the unresolved conflict between his self-centered optimism and her pragmatic understanding of their situation.

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Emotional depth
Character development

Weaknesses

Limited physical action
Heavy reliance on dialogue

Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan's self-serving optimism and Naomi's detached response, highlighting the emotional distance in their relationship. However, the dialogue feels somewhat repetitive, particularly in Jordan's insistence that everything is fine and that they will still have money left over. This could be streamlined to maintain the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
Naomi's character comes across as passive in this scene, primarily reacting to Jordan's monologue. To enhance her character, it would be beneficial to give her more agency or a stronger emotional response to Jordan's news. This could involve her expressing skepticism or anger about the implications of Jordan's cooperation with the authorities, which would add depth to her character and the scene's conflict.
The dialogue lacks a sense of urgency or emotional weight, especially given the gravity of the situation they are in. Jordan's casual tone when discussing potentially betraying his friends feels out of place. Infusing more tension into his delivery or having Naomi challenge him more forcefully could elevate the stakes of the conversation.
The transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the high-stakes confrontation with Agent Denham to a more intimate setting in the bedroom feels jarring. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge this gap and maintain narrative continuity.
The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note with Jordan's sexual advance being rebuffed. While this moment underscores the disconnect between them, it might benefit from a more explicit emotional reaction from Naomi, which could serve to deepen the audience's understanding of her character's turmoil.

Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate redundancy, focusing on key points that drive the narrative forward without excessive repetition.
Enhance Naomi's character by giving her a more active role in the conversation, allowing her to express her feelings about Jordan's situation and the implications of his cooperation.
Infuse the dialogue with more emotional weight, particularly in Jordan's delivery, to reflect the seriousness of the situation and the potential consequences of his actions.
Create a smoother transition from the previous scene by incorporating a moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the high-stakes confrontation with the more intimate setting of the bedroom.
Expand on Naomi's emotional response to Jordan's advances at the end of the scene, providing insight into her internal conflict and the strain in their relationship.

Scene 43 - Shattered Bonds

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 9
Dialogue: 8

230A INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS 230A
*

TIME CUT: Jordan is fucking Naomi. It’s the best he’s *
felt in days. While he’s lost in it, she’s lost interest, *
going through the motions perfunctorily. *

JORDAN *
I love you, Nay. I love you so *
much. I’ve loved you from the *
first time I saw you. *

NAOMI *
Fuck you. *

That stops him. *

JORDAN *
What? *

NAOMI *
I fucking hate you. *

JORDAN *
What are you talking about? *

NAOMI *
You don’t give a shit about how I *
feel. All you care about is *
yourself. *

JORDAN *
That’s not true. What do you mean? *

NAOMI *
You wanna fuck me? Fine. Fuck me *
hard like it’s the last time. *

JORDAN *
Hold still. Why are you moving *
like that? *

NAOMI *
Go ahead, fuck me! *

JORDAN *
What are you doing baby? *

NAOMI *
Cum for me. Cum for me, baby. Like *
it’s the last time. *

JORDAN *
You want me to cum, baby? *

NAOMI *
Yeah, cum for me baby, cum! *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 128.

After a beat... He cums. Jordan rolls off Naomi. They lie *
in uncomfortable silence. *

NAOMI (CONT’D) *
Jordan, that was the last time. I *
want a divorce. *

JORDAN *
What are you talking about? *

NAOMI *
I want a divorce. *

JORDAN *
What? What are you talking about? *
Now? After we just made love? *

NAOMI *
And I wanted to puke. *

Naomi gets up. *

NAOMI (CONT’D) *
I don’t love you anymore Jordan. I *
haven’t for a long time. *

JORDAN *
You don’t love me? Isn’t that *
convenient. Now, you don’t love *
me? Now while I’m under federal *
indictment with a fucking bracelet *
around my ankle? Now, all of a *
sudden, you decide you don’t love *
me? *

NAOMI *
Yes, that’s right. *

JORDAN *
What kind of a person are you? *

NAOMI *
You married me. This is how it’s *
gonna be. Listen Jordan. I’m *
taking custody of the kids. If you *
agree to the divorce right now, I *
will allow you visitation. Don’t *
try to fight it. It will save us *
both a lot of money and I have a *
feeling you’re gonna need it. *

Naomi exits to the dressing room. Jordan gets up, follows *
after her. *

JORDAN *
I’ve got news for you. You’re not *
taking my kids. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 129.

NAOMI *
I already spoke to my lawyer. He *
said even if you don’t get *
convicted I can still get custody. *

JORDAN *
My lawyers are more powerful than *
yours. You’re not taking my kids! *
You vicious cunt! *

Naomi slaps Jordan. Jordan hits her back and exits. *

JORDAN (CONT’D) *
Fuck you! You’re not taking my *
kids. You fucking bitch! *

CUT TO: *

230B INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS 230B
*

Jordan grabs a pair of scissors and starts slashing the *
couch. He retrieves a stash of coke from the couch *
lining. Naomi enters the hallway as Jordan snorts coke. *

NAOMI *
Look at yourself Jordan. You’re *
sick, you’re a sick man. *

JORDAN *
You’re not taking my kids. *

NAOMI *
You think I’d let my kids near *
you? Look at you. You know what my *
lawyers said? You’re going to jail *
for twenty years. Twenty fucking *
years, Jordan. You’ll be lucky if *
you ever see them again. *

JORDAN *
Oh yeah? You don’t think I’m gonna *
see my kids again? Oh yeah? *

Jordan heads towards Skylar’s room. She tries to stop *
Jordan. He knocks her to the ground. *

Jordan charges towards Skylar’s room. *

Jordan exiting Skylar’s room with Skylar crying in his *
arms. Naomi starts to pull herself up from off the floor *
as Jordan races toward the stairs. *

NAOMI *
Put her down Jordan! Put her down! *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 130.

Jordan and Skylar descend the stairs. Naomi pulls herself *
together and follows. *

Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a tense confrontation following an intimate moment, Jordan professes his love for Naomi, who coldly rejects him and demands a divorce, asserting her intention to take custody of their children. The argument escalates into a physical altercation, revealing Jordan's violent tendencies as he slashes the couch and uses cocaine in a desperate attempt to cope. The scene culminates with Jordan carrying their crying daughter, Skylar, down the stairs, while Naomi follows, highlighting the chaotic and unresolved conflict within their family.

Strengths

Intense emotional conflict
Realistic dialogue
Character depth

Weaknesses

Violent confrontation
Negative sentiment

Critique

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil between Jordan and Naomi, showcasing the stark contrast between their physical intimacy and emotional disconnect. This juxtaposition heightens the tension and underscores the deterioration of their relationship.
The dialogue is raw and confrontational, which adds to the intensity of the scene. However, some lines, particularly Jordan's declarations of love, feel somewhat clichéd and could benefit from more originality to enhance their emotional impact.
Naomi's character is portrayed as strong and assertive, particularly in her demand for a divorce and custody of the children. This is a positive aspect, as it gives her agency in the narrative. However, her motivations could be more clearly articulated to deepen her character and make her actions more relatable.
The physical altercation and subsequent emotional fallout are powerful, but the escalation feels somewhat abrupt. A more gradual build-up to the violence could enhance the realism of the scene and allow the audience to better understand the characters' emotional states.
The use of cocaine as a coping mechanism for Jordan is a strong visual and thematic element, but it could be more effectively integrated into the dialogue and actions to show how deeply his addiction affects his decision-making and relationships.

Suggestions

Consider revising Jordan's lines to make his expressions of love feel more genuine and less formulaic. This could involve using specific memories or shared experiences that highlight their past connection.
Expand on Naomi's motivations for wanting a divorce. Adding a line or two that reflects her internal struggle or past grievances could provide more depth to her character and make her decision feel more justified.
Introduce subtle physical cues or actions that reflect the emotional tension before the argument escalates. For example, showing Jordan's nervous habits or Naomi's body language could foreshadow the conflict.
To enhance the realism of the physical altercation, consider including more descriptive actions that illustrate the characters' emotional states, such as hesitation or regret, before the violence occurs.
Integrate Jordan's drug use more seamlessly into the dialogue, perhaps by having him reference it in a way that reveals his desperation or denial, rather than just as a reaction to the argument.

Scene 44 - Desperate Escape

Overall: 9.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 9
Characters: 8
Dialogue: 8

230C INT. / EXT. GARAGE - NIGHT 230C
*

Jordan races through the garage door, slamming and *
locking it behind him. *

NAOMI (CONT’D) *
Violet, Violet! Help me! He’s got *
Skylar! Get the key! *

Jordan putting Skylar in the car. *

Naomi and Violet desperately try to open the garage door. *

Naomi races into the garage. Jordan gets in the drivers *
seat, locks the doors and starts the engine. *

Naomi begs him to stop. Violet presses the garage door *
button. Naomi grabs a tool and smashes the driver side *
window. *

Jordan sees the door closing - he thinks “fuck it” - *
slams into reverse, crashing through the garage door. Car *
continues in reverse, crashing into a concrete pillar. *

Naomi and Violet rush to the car, pull Skylar out and *
bring her inside the house. Jordan sits as blood rushes *
down his face. *

LUCAS SOLOMAN (V.O.) *
Paragraph 1. The defendant shall *
plead guilty to all counts of the *
indictment currently pending *
against him in the United States *
District Court for the Eastern *
District of New York. *

230D SCENES 230D - 230E OMITTED 230D
*

230F INT. U.S. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 230F
*

OFF A “COOPERATION AGREEMENT,” we find -- *

-- Nolan Drager, Lucas Solomon, Rochelle Applebaum and *
Agent Denham all back at the conference table, reading *
copies of the same contract. Lucas does so aloud: *

LUCAS SOLOMON *
Paragraph 2. The defendant shall *
provide information regarding all *
criminal activities of the *
defendant and others from June *
1st, 1990, onwards. Paragraph 3. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 131.
LUCAS SOLOMON (CONT'D)
The defendant shall participate in *
undercover activities pursuant to *
the instructions of the FBI, *
including wearing a recording *
device, also known as a ‘wire’, in *
conjunction with the investigation *
of securities fraud. Paragraph 4. *
The defendant must not commit, or *
attempt to commit, any further *
crimes. *

Jordan’s here, too, looking miserable. He stops Lucas. *

JORDAN *
Lemme just sign the fucking thing. *

He signs the fucking thing. *

230G INT. U.S. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY 230G
*

Jordan sits alone, finishes writing a long list of names
on a yellow legal pad.

JORDAN (V.O.)
For the next six hours, I came up
with a list. Friends, enemies,
business associates, anybody who’d
ever known me or taken so much as
a stock tip. The first name on
the list was Donnie’s.

And as Jordan heaves a huge sigh, we’re suddenly...

231 INT. FBI OFFICE - DAY (OCT ‘98) 231

Agent Denham tapes a recorder to Jordan’s inner thigh,
runs a microphone wire up his chest. Agent Hughes *
watches. *

AGENT DENHAM
Talk normally, breathe normally,
within five minutes you’ll forget
you even have it on.

Jordan nods, buttons up his shirt.

232 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - DAY (OCT ‘98) 232

Wearing a suit and tie, Jordan walks in to the bullpen,
where the Brokers spot him, giving him a standing
ovation. He forces a smile, waves to the crowd.

As Robbie and Chester Ming look on, Jordan forces a smile
as he approaches Donnie, who gives him a hug.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 132.

233 INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - JORDAN’S OFFICE - DAY 233

Jordan and Donnie sit at the coffee table over takeout
sushi.

JORDAN
The trial won’t be for months,
so obviously I’ll be counting on
you to pick up the slack.

DONNIE
Whatever you need, bro. You know
that.

Jordan reaches in his jacket for a yellow slip of PAPER.

JORDAN
And you know how much that means
to me. Hey, you know what I
wanted to ask you?

Jordan catches Donnie’s eye, pushes the PAPER over in
front of him.

JORDAN (CONT’D)
The Steve Madden deal, did he
ever come through on that?

Donnie looks down at the paper, reads Jordan’s writing:

“DON’T INCRIMINATE YOURSELF. I’M WEARING A WIRE.”

JORDAN (CONT’D)
Remember he was supposed to kick
back like four mil from that one
account?

DONNIE
Uh... tell you the truth I was so
fucked up, I don’t really remember
anything about that.

Donnie slips the paper in his jacket, gives Jordan a
look -- “Thank you.” Jordan nods.

JORDAN
Well if you talk to him, let me
know. You want the last
yellowtail?

DONNIE
Why not?

JORDAN (V.O.)
And thus began my career as a
government cooperator. I was a
rat...
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 133.

234 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (NOV ‘98) 234

Jordan lays alone, asleep in bed. We hear the DOORBELL.

JORDAN (V.O.)
But I wasn’t losing any sleep
over it.

After a few beats, Violet knocks, enters. Jordan stirs.

VIOLET
I’m sorry, Mr. Jordan. You got a
visitor.

Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a frantic night scene set in a garage, Jordan attempts to flee with Skylar, leading to a chaotic confrontation with Naomi and Violet. As Jordan tries to escape in the car, Naomi breaks the window to stop him, resulting in a crash through the garage door and into a concrete pillar. Naomi and Violet manage to rescue Skylar from the wreckage, while Jordan is left injured and bloodied, highlighting the urgency and desperation of the situation.

Strengths

Intense conflict
Compelling plot development
Emotional depth
Sharp dialogue

Weaknesses

Violent altercation
Drug use
Desperate actions

Critique

The scene effectively builds tension through the chaotic actions of Jordan, Naomi, and Violet, creating a sense of urgency and desperation. However, the motivations behind Jordan's actions could be more clearly defined. Why is he so intent on escaping with Skylar? Is it purely a reaction to his legal troubles, or is there a deeper emotional conflict at play?
The dialogue is minimal, which works well in heightening the tension, but it may benefit from a few more lines that reveal the characters' emotional states. For instance, a line from Naomi expressing her fear for Skylar or a moment of hesitation from Jordan could add depth to the scene.
The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of Jordan crashing through the garage door. However, the transition from the garage chaos to the courtroom voiceover feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative and maintain the emotional weight of the scene.
The use of voiceover from Lucas Solomon at the end of the scene serves to highlight the legal consequences of Jordan's actions, but it could be more impactful if it directly tied into the emotional turmoil Jordan is experiencing in the moment. This would create a stronger connection between his personal crisis and the legal ramifications.
The pacing of the scene is frenetic, which is appropriate given the circumstances. However, it may benefit from a brief moment of stillness or reflection from Jordan before the crash, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggle before the external chaos unfolds.

Suggestions

Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that reveals Jordan's emotional state or motivations for taking Skylar, which would provide more context for his actions.
Incorporate a moment of hesitation or conflict for Jordan before he decides to crash through the garage door, which could add depth to his character and make the scene more impactful.
Smooth out the transition between the garage chaos and the courtroom voiceover by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two moments, such as a close-up of Jordan's face reflecting his turmoil.
Enhance the emotional weight of the voiceover by tying it more closely to Jordan's internal conflict, perhaps by having him reflect on the consequences of his actions as he prepares to escape.
Introduce a brief moment of stillness or reflection for Jordan before the crash, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggle and heightening the impact of the subsequent chaos.

Scene 45 - The Fall of Jordan Belfort

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 6

235 INT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - FOYER - DAY (NOV ‘98) 235

Jordan descends the stairs in sweats and T-shirt. Agents *
Denham and Hughes are waiting. *

AGENT DENHAM
I need you to get dressed.

JORDAN
Why? What’s going on?

AGENT DENHAM
You’re going to jail.

Agent Denham holds up the slip of yellow paper that
Jordan gave to Donnie. And on Jordan’s look...

JORDAN (V.O.)
Donnie Azoff, my partner. My best
friend.

235A EXT. JORDAN’S ESTATE - DAY 235A
*

A tractor-trailer is parked out front as a group of *
MOVERS carry out paintings and antique furniture under *
the supervision of several FBI Agents in windbreakers. *

JORDAN (V.O.) *
After months of legal wrangling, *
I was finally sentenced to prison. *

WE SEE Jordan’s various cars -- Porsche, Mercedes, *
Ferrari, BMW -- loaded onto a large transport vehicle. *

235B INT. STRATTON OAKMONT III - BULLPEN - DAY 235B
*

Jordan stands addressing his 700 Brokers. WE SEE the *
eager young FACES, hanging on his every word. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 134.

JORDAN (V.O.) *
I gave up everyone, and in return *
got three years in some hellhole *
in Nevada I’d never even heard of. *
Like Mad Max’d said, the *
chickens’d come home to roost. *
Whatever the fuck that means. *

236 INT. FEDERAL COURTROOM - QUEENS - DAY (MAR ‘99) *236

Sentencing. Jordan’s mother is there, tears in her eyes. *

NOLAN DRAGER *
I hope your Honor would agree that *
Mr. Belfort has distinguished *
himself in terms of his *
cooperation in this white collar *
fraud. Mr. Belfort has helped the *
government win convictions over *
two dozen serious offenders and *
helped them recover millions of *
dollars to be made available for *
restitution to the victims. *

HON. RAYMOND SAMITZ *
The sentence of the court shall be *
48 months in Federal Prison. *
(pause) *
Please remand the defendant. *

Max rolls his eyes: Jordan’s so guilty it hurts. As *
Jordan is led away by GUARDS... *

236A INT. STRATTON OAKMONT - DAY 236A
*

Donnie sits in his office, hears something -- a small *
army of FBI AGENTS, led by Agents Denham and Hughes, *
arrest half the office: Sea Otter, Robbie, Kimmie, etc.. *
As the FBI cleans house, Donnie sits on his couch. *

237 SCENES 237 - 244 OMITTED *237

245 INT. SUBWAY - DAY (MAR ‘99) 245

CLOSE ON DENHAM, reading a New York Times article on
Jordan’s sentencing. He looks satisfied with his
accomplishment, until he looks up...

... and realizes he’s right where Jordan said he’d be:
commuting home on the subway, like any other piker.
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 135.

246 INT. PRISON VAN - DAY (MAR ‘99) 246

Jordan rides in back, stares out the window, thinking
about all he’s done. The van stops as it arrives at the
PRISON GATE.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I’m not ashamed to admit, when we
arrived to prison, I was
absolutely terrified...

GUARD (O.S.)
Belfort! Fuckin’ move!

Jordan leaps to his feet.

JORDAN (V.O.)
I needn’t have been.

247 EXT. MINIMUM C PRISON - DAY (SPRING 2000) 247

A tennis ball hits pavement and WE PAN UP TO JORDAN, in
prison fatigues but playing doubles with three other
PRISONERS, all white middle-aged EXECUTIVE TYPES.

JORDAN
Sorry, just out. What is that,
forty-thirty?

As the game continues, Jordan serving, the CAMERA PULLS
UP TO SEE THE WHOLE PRISON YARD: one group of inmates
does Tai Chi while another has formed a book club.

JORDAN (V.O.)
For a brief, fleeting moment, I’d
forgotten I was rich and lived in
America.

BLACK OUT.

Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary Jordan Belfort is confronted by Agents Denham and Hughes at his estate, where he learns he is going to jail for fraud. As movers take his possessions under FBI supervision, he reflects on his cooperation with authorities for a reduced sentence. In a courtroom, his emotional mother witnesses as his lawyer highlights his cooperation, resulting in a four-year prison sentence. The scene concludes with Jordan being led away by guards, marking a significant moment in his downfall.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Tension building

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

Critique

The scene effectively conveys the gravity of Jordan's situation through the stark contrast between his previous lavish lifestyle and the impending consequences of his actions. The use of voiceover allows for introspection, giving the audience insight into Jordan's mindset as he faces the reality of his choices.
The pacing of the scene is well-structured, moving from the immediate confrontation with the agents to the broader implications of his sentencing. This transition helps to build tension and emphasizes the weight of the moment.
The visual elements, such as the movers taking away Jordan's possessions and the FBI agents supervising, create a strong visual metaphor for Jordan's fall from grace. This imagery reinforces the theme of loss and consequence that runs throughout the screenplay.
However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. While the scene captures the seriousness of the situation, the exchanges between Jordan and the agents feel somewhat procedural. Adding more personal stakes or emotional reactions could enhance the impact of the scene.
The voiceover, while insightful, occasionally feels like it detracts from the immediacy of the moment. Balancing the internal monologue with more external action or dialogue could create a more dynamic scene.

Suggestions

Consider incorporating more emotional dialogue between Jordan and the agents to heighten the tension and personal stakes. This could involve Jordan expressing disbelief, anger, or regret, making the moment feel more visceral.
Explore the use of flashbacks or brief visual cues that highlight Jordan's past successes juxtaposed with his current downfall. This could deepen the audience's emotional connection to his character and the consequences of his actions.
Enhance the voiceover by including more specific reflections on Jordan's relationships, particularly with Donnie and his family, to add layers to his internal conflict as he faces imprisonment.
Introduce a moment of vulnerability for Jordan, perhaps a brief interaction with his mother or a reflection on his children, to humanize him further and evoke sympathy from the audience.
Ensure that the pacing remains tight by avoiding overly lengthy voiceovers that could slow down the momentum of the scene. Focus on concise, impactful lines that drive home the emotional weight of the moment.

Scene 46 - The Pen Challenge

Overall: 8.0
Concept: 8
Plot: 7
Characters: 7
Dialogue: 7

248 INT. HOTEL BANQUET HALL - EARLY 2000’S - DAY *248

CLOSE ON A MOVIE SCREEN: DIFFERENT INTERVIEWS... *

AFRICAN KID *
I watch him speak and what he says *
is motivational about life. He *
tells about life and how you can *
be more rich. *

CHINESE KID *
He is going to teach us how to be *
successful, how to set our goals. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 136.

INDIAN KID *
I will build my future by using *
Jordan Belfort as my mentor. *

MEXICAN KID *
Choosing what is good from him and *
being a millionaire. *

Two hundred people attend Jordan’s “Straight Line *
Persuasion” seminar, watching a massive screen (on which *
these KIDS have appeared). *

ON-SCREEN: THE “JB” LOGO APPEARS, FOLLOWED BY CLIPS OF *
JORDAN giving seminars in different locations (see *
addendum below), edited in with footage of looming *
economic uncertainties. *

Then: a MAN WITH A MIC steps out... *

MAN WITH A MIC *
Ladies and gentlemen, please join *
me in welcoming to Auckland, New *
Zealand... Mr. Jordan Belfort! *

BIG APPLAUSE as Jordan takes the stage, waving. This *
might go on a while. If so, there COULD be TITLES: *

Jordan Belfort spent 22 months in federal prison *
and paid $100,000,000 in fines. *

THEN: *

His cellmate was, no fucking joke, Tommy Chong. *

THEN: *

Since his release, he’s become a multi-millionaire again *
as a motivational speaker. *

When the applause finally dies down... *

...Jordan doesn’t speak. Instead he walks down to the *
front row of his audience, studying faces. He picks one. *
Takes a pen from his coat and offers it to him. *

JORDAN *
Sell me this pen. *

The Kiwi, embarrassed, takes a moment, then: *

KIWI IN AUDIENCE *
Well, it’s a good pen, it’s a *
ballpoint -- *

Jordan takes the pen back with a smile. Hands it to the *
next person. *
The Wolf of Wall Street Buff Revised Pages 3/5/13 137.

JORDAN *
Sell me this pen. *

As the next person tries... *

WE RAKE ALONGSIDE HIS AUDIENCE, transfixed, desperate for *
Jordan’s knowledge, desperate to be molded, to be rich... *

JORDAN (O.S.) (CONT’D) *
Sell me this pen...Sell me this *
pen... Sell me this pen...Sell me *
this pen... *

FADE OUT. *
*

Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary At a motivational seminar in Auckland, Jordan Belfort captivates a diverse audience of aspiring young achievers. He engages them by challenging a participant to sell him a pen, showcasing his persuasive techniques and the pressure on the audience to impress him. The scene is filled with excitement and tension as the audience members grapple with their desperation for success, culminating in Jordan's repeated challenge echoing through the hall.

Strengths

Compelling character development
Engaging dialogue
Inspiring theme

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict
Low stakes

Critique

The scene effectively captures the irony of Jordan Belfort's transformation from a notorious fraudster to a motivational speaker, highlighting the absurdity of his continued influence despite his past. However, the juxtap of the kids' interviews with Jordan's seminar creates a dissonance that could be explored further to emphasize the moral implications of his teachings.
The dialogue from the kids is simplistic and lacks depth, which may undermine the impact of their statements. While their innocence contrasts with Jordan's manipulative past, adding more nuanced reflections on their aspirations could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
The transition from the kids' interviews to the seminar could be smoother. The abrupt shift feels jarring, and a more gradual build-up to Jordan's entrance might help maintain the audience's engagement and create a stronger connection between the two elements.
Jordan's action of asking the audience member to sell him a pen is a classic moment that showcases his manipulative sales tactics. However, the scene could benefit from a more dynamic interaction that reveals the audience's desperation and eagerness to please him, further illustrating the power dynamics at play.
The use of the 'JB' logo and the titles about Jordan's past is effective in providing context, but it could be more visually engaging. Consider incorporating more creative visuals or animations that reflect the themes of ambition and manipulation, enhancing the overall aesthetic of the scene.

Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Jordan before he engages with the audience, showcasing his internal conflict about his past and present. This could deepen the character's complexity and provide insight into his motivations.
Enhance the dialogue from the kids by incorporating more personal anecdotes or specific goals that reflect their backgrounds and aspirations. This would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience and highlight the contrast between their innocence and Jordan's manipulative nature.
Smooth out the transition between the kids' interviews and the seminar by including a visual or auditory cue that links the two segments, such as a voiceover from Jordan discussing the importance of mentorship or success.
Make the pen-selling exercise more interactive and engaging by allowing multiple audience members to participate in a rapid-fire exchange, showcasing their eagerness and desperation to impress Jordan, which would heighten the tension and drama of the moment.
Consider using a more dynamic camera movement during Jordan's entrance and the pen-selling exercise to capture the energy of the audience and the atmosphere of the seminar, making the scene feel more alive and engaging.

Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

jordan belfort

Jordan Belfort is a charismatic and ambitious stockbroker who rises from humble beginnings to extreme wealth, embodying the quintessential American Dream. Initially portrayed as a young, idealistic newcomer to the world of stock trading, he is quick-witted, confident, and willing to take risks. As he navigates the cutthroat environment of Wall Street, he becomes increasingly cynical and morally compromised, engaging in illegal activities while justifying them as necessary for survival. His speaking style evolves from enthusiastic and eager to confident, persuasive, and often humorous, using colorful language and bold statements to assert his dominance. He is a natural leader, capable of inspiring loyalty and admiration in his employees, yet he also exhibits a ruthless side when faced with betrayal. Throughout his journey, he grapples with guilt and moral dilemmas, reflecting vulnerability and introspection as he confronts the consequences of his actions. Ultimately, he transforms from a criminal to a motivational speaker, using his past experiences to inspire others, with a speaking style that is engaging and emotionally resonant, filled with motivational quotes and anecdotes from his life.

naomi

Naomi is a glamorous and sophisticated woman, a former model with a taste for luxury and an alluring presence that captivates those around her. She embodies confidence and independence, often displaying a playful and flirtatious personality that intrigues her husband, Jordan. Beneath her composed exterior lies a hint of vulnerability, revealing her struggles with trust and insecurity in their tumultuous relationship. Naomi's dialogue is a blend of elegance, wit, and emotional depth, reflecting her background in fashion and design. As the story progresses, she evolves from a seductive and confident partner to a strong-willed and confrontational individual, unafraid to assert her power and voice her frustrations. Her speaking style shifts from sultry and direct to passionate and accusatory, ultimately becoming calm and rational as she navigates the chaos surrounding her family. Naomi's resilience, intelligence, and protective nature emerge as she balances her loyalty to Jordan with her own emotional turmoil.

jordan

Jordan is a charismatic, confident, and cunning protagonist whose personality is marked by a blend of ambition, greed, and a relentless pursuit of wealth. He possesses a sharp wit and a penchant for luxury and risk-taking, often indulging in reckless behavior and substance abuse. His speaking style is assertive and persuasive, often laced with sarcasm, dark humor, and defiance, allowing him to manipulate others and navigate complex situations. Jordan's charm and bravado mask a darker side characterized by deceit and moral ambiguity. He is portrayed as impulsive and emotionally volatile, struggling with guilt, infidelity, and the consequences of his actions. As he faces legal troubles and personal betrayals, his dialogue reflects a mix of confidence, desperation, and vulnerability, showcasing his complex personality and the internal conflict between his desires and the repercussions of his choices.

mark hanna

Mark Hanna is a charismatic and flamboyant senior broker who embodies the excesses of Wall Street. With a larger-than-life personality, he is confident, charming, and unapologetically bold in his actions. His speaking style is brash, irreverent, and provocative, often laced with sarcasm and colorful language. Mark serves as a mentor to Jordan, introducing him to a high-stakes world filled with drugs, money, and ethical ambiguity. He promotes a lifestyle of indulgence and excess, pushing boundaries and challenging societal norms with his devil-may-care attitude towards life and work.

donnie azoff

Donnie Azoff is a dynamic and multifaceted character who embodies the complexities of youthful ambition and the allure of a lavish lifestyle. Initially portrayed as a preppy and enthusiastic young man, Donnie is captivated by Jordan's success and charisma, leading him to make impulsive decisions, such as quitting his job to join Jordan's firm. His speaking style is eager and excitable, often exaggerating his emotions and seeking validation from those around him. As the story progresses, Donnie adopts a more laid-back and humorous demeanor, influenced by the carefree lifestyle he observes, often reflecting this through casual and comedic dialogue, sometimes under the influence of drugs or alcohol. However, his character takes a darker turn as he becomes impulsive, loyal, and hot-headed, showcasing a quick temper and fierce protectiveness over Jordan, particularly in confrontations with characters like Nicholas. His speaking style shifts to aggressive and vulgar, mirroring his volatile personality. Despite these changes, Donnie remains fundamentally loyal and eager to please, often echoing Jordan's sentiments, which highlights his dependence on Jordan's guidance and success.

donnie

Donnie is a charismatic and impulsive broker, known for his persuasive charm and confident demeanor. He initially engages clients with a smooth-talking style that appeals to their desires for financial gain. However, as the story progresses, Donnie becomes increasingly reckless and easily swayed by the allure of Jordan's lifestyle, leading him into immoral ventures. His speaking style evolves from brash and enthusiastic to direct and profane, reflecting his confrontational nature. Despite his chaotic tendencies, Donnie serves as a comedic foil to Jordan, often using humor and sarcasm to navigate tense situations. He is fiercely loyal to his friends, exhibiting a hot-headedness that drives him to take extreme risks. His dialogue is characterized by bluntness and colorful language, revealing a blend of vulnerability and bravado as he grapples with addiction and self-destructive behavior. Ultimately, Donnie's character embodies a mix of impulsiveness, loyalty, and a desire for excitement, making him both a source of comic relief and tension within the group.

Character	Arc	Critique	Suggestions
jordan belfort	Jordan's character arc begins with his rise as an ambitious and naive stockbroker, driven by a desire for wealth and success. As he gains power and influence, he becomes morally ambiguous, engaging in illegal activities and manipulating others to achieve his goals. This leads to a downfall marked by legal troubles and personal crises, forcing him to confront the consequences of his actions. In the end, he experiences a moment of reflection and redemption, transforming into a motivational speaker who uses his past to inspire others, showcasing growth and a desire for second chances.	While Jordan's character arc effectively captures the rise and fall of a morally ambiguous figure, it could benefit from deeper exploration of his internal conflicts and motivations. The transition from a naive stockbroker to a manipulative leader is compelling, but the screenplay could delve more into the emotional toll of his choices, particularly the impact on his relationships and personal life. Additionally, the redemption aspect feels somewhat rushed and could be more nuanced, allowing for a more gradual realization of his past mistakes.	To improve Jordan's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that highlight his internal struggles and the consequences of his actions on those around him. This could include moments of vulnerability where he reflects on his relationships and the moral implications of his choices. Additionally, the redemption phase could be expanded to show a more gradual transformation, perhaps through mentorship or genuine acts of kindness that demonstrate his growth. This would create a more layered and relatable character, allowing the audience to connect with his journey on a deeper level.
naomi	Naomi's character arc begins with her as a glamorous and confident wife, deeply enamored with Jordan's lifestyle. As the narrative unfolds, she faces the harsh realities of their relationship, grappling with feelings of betrayal and insecurity. This leads her to confront Jordan about his actions, showcasing her strength and assertiveness. Throughout the screenplay, Naomi transitions from a seductive figure to a grounded and pragmatic partner, ultimately becoming a voice of reason amidst chaos. By the end, she emerges as a resilient individual who prioritizes her family's well-being, finding a balance between her love for Jordan and her own self-worth.	Naomi's character arc is compelling, showcasing her evolution from a glamorous wife to a strong, independent woman. However, the arc could benefit from deeper exploration of her internal conflicts and motivations. While her confrontational moments are impactful, they may come across as reactive rather than proactive. Additionally, her transition from seduction to pragmatism could be more gradual, allowing the audience to witness her struggles and growth in a more nuanced manner.	To improve Naomi's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that delve into her backstory, highlighting her experiences in the fashion industry and how they shape her views on trust and loyalty. This could provide context for her emotional responses and make her confrontations with Jordan more relatable. Additionally, introduce moments where Naomi takes initiative in her own life, such as pursuing a passion or career, which would reinforce her independence and resilience. Gradually revealing her vulnerabilities and strengths through interactions with other characters could create a richer, more layered portrayal of her journey.
jordan	Jordan's character arc follows a trajectory from a morally bankrupt, hedonistic individual driven solely by greed and ambition to a more reflective and conflicted person grappling with the consequences of his actions. Initially, he is portrayed as a master manipulator, thriving in a chaotic world of finance and excess. However, as the narrative progresses, he faces mounting legal troubles and personal crises that force him to confront his reckless behavior and the impact it has on his relationships. Ultimately, Jordan's journey leads him to a moment of self-awareness, where he must decide whether to continue down a path of self-destruction or seek redemption by taking responsibility for his actions and protecting those he cares about.	While Jordan's character arc is compelling, it risks becoming predictable as he transitions from a reckless anti-hero to a more reflective figure. The internal conflict is present, but the stakes could be raised to enhance the emotional impact of his journey. Additionally, the portrayal of his relationships, particularly with his wife and Naomi, could be deepened to provide more context for his motivations and struggles. The balance between his charm and darker tendencies is well-executed, but there may be moments where his vulnerability could be more pronounced to create a stronger connection with the audience.	To improve Jordan's character arc, consider introducing more significant consequences for his actions earlier in the screenplay, which would heighten the tension and urgency of his journey. Additionally, explore his relationships in greater depth, allowing for more nuanced interactions that reveal his vulnerabilities and motivations. Incorporating moments of genuine self-reflection or moral dilemmas could enhance his internal struggle and make his eventual choices more impactful. Finally, consider adding a mentor or a foil character who challenges Jordan's worldview, pushing him toward growth and self-awareness.
mark hanna	Mark Hanna's character arc follows his journey from a hedonistic mentor who revels in the excesses of Wall Street to a more introspective figure who begins to question the moral implications of his lifestyle. Initially, he embodies the thrill of the high-stakes environment, encouraging Jordan to embrace the same reckless abandon. However, as the story progresses, Mark faces the consequences of his choices, leading to moments of vulnerability and self-reflection. Ultimately, he becomes a cautionary figure, illustrating the dangers of unchecked ambition and the emptiness that can accompany a life of excess.	While Mark Hanna's character is vibrant and engaging, his arc could benefit from deeper emotional resonance. The transition from a hedonistic mentor to a more reflective figure feels somewhat abrupt and lacks sufficient buildup. Additionally, the consequences he faces could be more clearly defined to enhance the impact of his transformation. As it stands, his character serves primarily as a catalyst for Jordan's journey, but his own development could be more nuanced.	To improve Mark Hanna's character arc, consider incorporating more moments of internal conflict that reveal his vulnerabilities earlier in the screenplay. This could involve flashbacks to his past or interactions with other characters that highlight the toll of his lifestyle. Additionally, providing a clearer catalyst for his change—such as a significant event that forces him to confront the consequences of his actions—would strengthen his transformation. Finally, allowing for a more gradual evolution in his perspective on ethics and ambition could create a more compelling and relatable character journey.
donnie azoff	Donnie Azoff's character arc follows a trajectory from naive admiration to a tumultuous journey of self-discovery. Initially, he is a starry-eyed follower, enamored with Jordan's lifestyle and willing to abandon his own stability for the promise of wealth and excitement. As he becomes more entrenched in this world, he grapples with the consequences of his impulsive decisions, leading to moments of aggression and volatility. His loyalty to Jordan is tested as he faces moral dilemmas and the darker aspects of their lifestyle. Ultimately, Donnie's arc culminates in a moment of clarity where he must confront the reality of his choices, leading him to either break free from Jordan's influence or double down on his loyalty, reflecting a deeper understanding of himself and the cost of the life he has chosen.	While Donnie's character arc presents a compelling journey of loyalty and self-discovery, it risks becoming one-dimensional if not explored with nuance. His initial enthusiasm and later aggression could benefit from deeper emotional exploration, particularly in understanding the motivations behind his impulsive decisions. Additionally, the transition from a carefree follower to a volatile protector may feel abrupt without sufficient development of the internal conflicts he faces. The screenplay could further emphasize the consequences of his actions on his relationships and personal identity, allowing for a more profound transformation.	To improve Donnie's character arc, consider incorporating moments of introspection that reveal his internal struggles and fears about losing his identity in the shadow of Jordan's success. Introducing scenes where he reflects on his past choices or interacts with characters who challenge his worldview could add depth. Additionally, showcasing the impact of his loyalty on his personal relationships, perhaps through conflicts with family or friends, would provide a more rounded perspective on his character. Finally, a pivotal moment where Donnie must choose between loyalty to Jordan and his own moral compass could serve as a powerful climax to his arc, allowing for a more satisfying resolution.
donnie	Throughout the screenplay, Donnie's character arc follows a trajectory from a confident and persuasive broker to a reckless and impulsive partner in crime. Initially, he is drawn to Jordan's charisma and success, leading him to indulge in wild antics and drug use. As the story unfolds, Donnie's impulsive nature causes increasing tension among the group, culminating in dangerous situations that test his loyalty and survival instincts. In the climax, he faces a critical choice between his loyalty to Jordan and the need to protect himself. Ultimately, Donnie's journey leads him to a moment of self-realization, where he acknowledges his flaws and the consequences of his actions. By the end, he emerges as a more resourceful and supportive friend, learning to balance his impulsiveness with a sense of responsibility.	Donnie's character arc is compelling, showcasing the complexities of loyalty, impulsiveness, and the struggle with addiction. However, the arc could benefit from deeper exploration of his internal conflicts and motivations. While his loyalty to Jordan is evident, the screenplay could delve more into the emotional stakes that drive his reckless behavior. Additionally, the transition from a comedic foil to a more serious character could be more gradual, allowing the audience to witness the evolution of his character in a more nuanced way.	To improve Donnie's character arc, consider incorporating flashbacks or moments of introspection that reveal his backstory and the reasons behind his impulsive nature. This could help the audience empathize with his struggles and understand the stakes of his loyalty to Jordan. Additionally, introducing a pivotal moment where Donnie must confront the consequences of his actions—perhaps a situation where he risks losing a friend or facing legal repercussions—could heighten the tension and provide a clearer turning point in his character development. Finally, allowing for moments of vulnerability and growth throughout the screenplay, rather than saving them for the climax, could create a more cohesive and relatable character journey.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
High Stakes Scenes Drive Emotional Impact	Scenes with a high 'High Stakes' score tend to have a higher 'Emotional Impact' score. This suggests that your screenplay uses tension and risk to effectively evoke emotion in the reader.
Intense Scenes Drive Character Change	Scenes with an 'Intense' tone often have a higher 'Character Changes' score. This indicates that your intense scenes are crucial moments of growth and development for your characters. Consider if you can further amplify these changes by emphasizing the internal struggles of your characters in these scenes.
Humor as a Release Valve	Humor often follows scenes with high emotional impact, suggesting you use humor as a means to break tension and provide relief for the reader. This is a common and effective technique, but consider if the humor could sometimes be integrated more organically into the emotional beats, rather than acting solely as a break.
Strong Concept Drives Plot and Characters	The 'Concept' score consistently aligns with the 'Plot' and 'Characters' scores. This indicates that your story's core concept is well-defined and serves as a strong foundation for both the plot and character development. This is a good sign of a well-structured screenplay.
Dialogue is Key to Character Growth	While not as strong as other correlations, there's a slight tendency for 'Dialogue' scores to increase in scenes where 'Character Changes' are high. This suggests that your characters are evolving through their interactions with each other, which is a positive sign of well-developed dialogue. Consider if you can further emphasize this by adding more dynamic dialogue exchanges in key character development scenes.
Confrontational Scenes are Highly Effective	Scenes with a 'Confrontational' tone are often highly rated for both 'Conflict' and 'Emotional Impact'. This indicates that you are skillfully utilizing conflict to drive the story forward and engage the reader. Keep experimenting with confrontational scenes to further intensify emotional impact and heighten dramatic tension.
Character Changes are Not Linear	The 'Character Changes' score is not directly correlated with scene number. This is a good sign, suggesting your characters are not simply evolving in a linear fashion, but rather undergoing moments of change throughout the story, creating a more nuanced and believable character arc.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation in creating engaging scenes, particularly in crafting sharp dialogue and dynamic character interactions. The writer excels at capturing the high-stakes world of finance, highlighting moral ambiguity and complex relationships. The writing style often leans towards a gritty, cynical tone, particularly evident in the dialogue. However, while showcasing a talent for tension and conflict, the scenes sometimes lack the depth of emotional resonance that could elevate them further.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development

While the scenes capture character dynamics and conflicts, there's an opportunity to delve deeper into the characters' motivations, backstories, and internal struggles. This would create more nuanced and compelling characters that resonate with the audience on a deeper level.

Dialogue

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, but it could benefit from further development in conveying emotional depth, subtext, and character motivations. Focusing on creating dialogue that reveals more about the characters' inner world and relationships would enhance the emotional impact of the scenes.

Pacing and Structure

The scenes are well-paced, but some could benefit from tighter structuring to ensure every element contributes directly to the narrative and character development. This can be achieved by focusing on concise scene setups, clear payoffs, and ensuring each scene advances the plot or reveals something meaningful about the characters.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Book	'Save the Cat!' by Blake Snyder	This book provides valuable insights into structuring scenes, crafting compelling characters, and creating engaging narratives, which could help the writer improve pacing, structure, and character development.
Screenplay	'Glengarry Glen Ross' by David Mamet	This screenplay is a masterclass in sharp dialogue and intense character interactions within a high-stakes setting, relevant to the writer's strengths and the overall theme of the screenplay. Studying Mamet's work can help refine dialogue, elevate character interactions, and enhance the sense of tension and urgency in the scenes.
Video	Watch interviews with screenwriters discussing their writing process and character development, focusing on writers known for strong emotional storytelling.	Gaining insights into how experienced screenwriters develop characters and create emotional depth in their narratives can provide valuable inspiration and new techniques to the writer.
Exercise	Practice writing scenes with a focus on character backstories and motivations, exploring how these elements inform their current actions and relationships.Practice In SceneProv	This exercise will help the writer delve deeper into the characters' inner lives and motivations, creating more complex and relatable characters.
Exercise	Practice writing dialogue-driven scenes that focus on subtext and unspoken emotions, allowing the characters' dialogue to reveal their true feelings and intentions.Practice In SceneProv	This exercise will help the writer develop more nuanced dialogue that resonates on an emotional level, creating a deeper connection between the characters and the audience.
Exercise	Practice writing scenes that follow a specific structure, ensuring each scene has a clear setup, conflict, and payoff, contributing directly to the overall narrative.Practice In SceneProv	This exercise will help the writer refine their scene structure, ensuring that every element of a scene serves a purpose and contributes to the story's progression.

Additional Notes: The writer shows a strong understanding of creating high-stakes, dialogue-driven scenes with complex character interactions. Continued focus on character depth, emotional resonance in dialogue, and scene structure will elevate the screenplay to a higher level of emotional impact and storytelling effectiveness.

Stories Similar to this one

Story	Explanation
The Wolf of Wall Street	This film, also directed by Martin Scorsese, is based on the life of Jordan Belfort and shares a similar narrative structure, focusing on the rise and fall of a stockbroker involved in corruption, excess, and moral decay. The chaotic energy, drug use, and extravagant lifestyle depicted in both stories are strikingly similar.
American Psycho	Both stories explore the lives of wealthy, morally ambiguous characters who indulge in excess and violence. Patrick Bateman's obsession with status and materialism parallels Jordan Belfort's relentless pursuit of wealth and power, showcasing the dark side of capitalism.
Boiler Room	This film centers around a group of young brokers engaged in unethical stock trading practices. It shares themes of ambition, greed, and the high-stakes world of finance, similar to the chaotic environment of Stratton Oakmont and the aggressive sales tactics employed by Jordan and his team.
The Big Short	This film delves into the financial crisis of 2008, highlighting the greed and corruption within the financial industry. Like Jordan's story, it features characters who exploit the system for personal gain, showcasing the consequences of unchecked ambition and the moral implications of their actions.
Catch Me If You Can	This film follows the life of Frank Abagnale, a con artist who successfully performs cons worth millions of dollars before his 19th birthday. Both stories feature charismatic protagonists who manipulate others for financial gain, showcasing themes of deception, charm, and the consequences of a life of crime.
Wall Street	This classic film explores the world of corporate finance and the moral dilemmas faced by its characters. Gordon Gekko's famous mantra 'Greed is good' resonates with Jordan's philosophy, as both characters embody the ruthless pursuit of wealth and the ethical compromises that come with it.
The Social Network	This film chronicles the rise of Facebook and its founder, Mark Zuckerberg, highlighting themes of ambition, betrayal, and the personal costs of success. Similar to Jordan's journey, it showcases the cutthroat nature of business and the impact of personal relationships on professional endeavors.
Mad Men	This television series explores the lives of advertising executives in the 1960s, focusing on themes of ambition, infidelity, and the pursuit of success. The characters' moral ambiguity and the depiction of a high-pressure work environment parallel the chaotic and hedonistic world of Jordan Belfort.
Scarface	This film tells the story of Tony Montana, a Cuban immigrant who rises to power in the drug trade. Both stories depict the rise of a charismatic anti-hero who becomes consumed by greed and excess, ultimately leading to their downfall, showcasing the dark side of the American Dream.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
Rise and Fall	Jordan Belfort's journey from a middle-class upbringing to becoming a wealthy stockbroker, followed by his eventual downfall due to illegal activities.	This trope involves a character's ascent to success followed by a dramatic decline, often due to their own flaws or moral failings. An example is in 'The Wolf of Wall Street' itself, where Jordan's rise is marked by excess and greed, leading to his legal troubles. Another example is in 'Scarface', where Tony Montana rises to power only to fall due to his violent lifestyle.
Excessive Lifestyle	Jordan's extravagant lifestyle is showcased through his possessions, parties, and drug use.	This trope highlights characters living lavishly, often leading to their downfall. In 'The Great Gatsby', Jay Gatsby's opulent parties symbolize his wealth but also his emptiness. Similarly, in 'The Wolf of Wall Street', Jordan's lifestyle reflects his moral decay.
The Mentor	Mark Hanna serves as a mentor to Jordan, introducing him to the high-stakes world of stock trading.	The mentor trope involves a character who guides the protagonist, often leading them down a path of success or failure. In 'The Karate Kid', Mr. Miyagi teaches Daniel not just martial arts but life lessons. In 'The Wolf of Wall Street', Hanna's mentorship leads Jordan into a morally questionable world.
The Antihero	Jordan Belfort is portrayed as a charismatic yet morally ambiguous character.	The antihero is a protagonist who lacks conventional heroic qualities, often engaging in morally questionable actions. An example is Walter White in 'Breaking Bad', who transforms from a sympathetic character to a ruthless drug lord. Jordan embodies this trope as he captivates audiences while engaging in illegal activities.
Party Scene	The screenplay features numerous chaotic party scenes filled with drugs, alcohol, and debauchery.	Party scenes often serve to highlight characters' hedonistic lifestyles and can lead to pivotal plot developments. In 'The Hangover', the wild party leads to unexpected consequences for the characters. In 'The Wolf of Wall Street', these scenes emphasize the excess and chaos of Jordan's life.
The Love Triangle	Jordan's relationships with Naomi and Teresa create tension and conflict.	A love triangle involves three characters where romantic interests conflict, often leading to drama. In 'Twilight', Bella is torn between Edward and Jacob. In 'The Wolf of Wall Street', Jordan's infidelity creates tension between his wife and mistress.
The Fall from Grace	Jordan's illegal activities lead to his arrest and downfall.	This trope depicts a character's loss of status or respect due to their actions. In 'The Shawshank Redemption', Andy Dufresne's fall from grace leads to his imprisonment. In 'The Wolf of Wall Street', Jordan's rise is followed by a dramatic fall due to his unethical behavior.
The Drug-Fueled Rampage	Jordan's drug use leads to reckless behavior and chaotic situations.	This trope involves characters engaging in wild, often destructive behavior under the influence of drugs. In 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas', the protagonists' drug use leads to surreal and chaotic experiences. In 'The Wolf of Wall Street', Jordan's drug-fueled escapades highlight his moral decline.
The Big Speech	Jordan delivers motivational speeches to inspire his brokers and maintain their loyalty.	The big speech trope involves a character delivering an inspiring or persuasive speech that rallies others. In 'Braveheart', William Wallace's speech motivates his troops to fight for freedom. In 'The Wolf of Wall Street', Jordan's speeches serve to manipulate and energize his brokers.
The Corrupt System	The screenplay highlights the corrupt practices within the financial industry.	This trope critiques societal or institutional corruption, often showcasing characters who exploit the system. In 'The Godfather', the mafia operates outside the law, revealing systemic corruption. In 'The Wolf of Wall Street', Jordan's actions expose the moral decay within Wall Street.

Theme

Theme Details

Themee Explanation

The American Dream and its Corruption

Jordan Belfort's rise from a middle-class upbringing to a life of excessive wealth and luxury is portrayed as a realization of the American Dream, but his pursuit of wealth leads to unethical and illegal practices, exposing the dark side of the American Dream.

This theme explores the allure and dangers of achieving material success at any cost. It highlights how the pursuit of wealth can lead to moral compromises and ultimately result in a downfall. The screenplay suggests that true success is not solely defined by material possessions but also by personal integrity and moral values.

Strengthening The American Dream and its Corruption:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Character Arc	Deepen Jordan's initial disillusionment with the American Dream. In the opening scenes (1 & 2), showcase his initial yearning for a better life and how it fuels his ambition. Later (Scene 12), introduce an internal conflict as his father, Max, challenges Jordan's perception of success. This will create a richer, more complex arc where Jordan grapples with the corruption of his ambitions.
Visual - Scene Scene 10	During the Stratton Oakmont celebration, subtly juxtapose the brokers' frenzied revelry with shots of the city skyline. This visual contrast emphasizes the disconnect between their manufactured sense of success and the reality of the world outside their bubble. It should highlight the emptiness of their pursuit of wealth.
Dialogue - Scene Scene 35	When Jordan addresses the Stratton brokers (Scene 35), incorporate dialogue that highlights the moral cost of his ambition. He could acknowledge the damage he has caused, perhaps in the form of a heartfelt apology or a moment of self-reflection. This will add emotional depth to his character and emphasize the theme of corruption.
Story Arc	Weave in scenes or moments where the consequences of Jordan's actions impact individuals beyond his inner circle. Consider showcasing the struggles of a family who loses their life savings through Jordan's schemes. This will broaden the scope of the theme beyond Jordan's personal journey, highlighting the broader societal impact of his corruption.
Dialogue - Scene Scene 46	In the final scene (Scene 46), subtly alter the tone of Jordan's motivational speech. Instead of solely focusing on financial success, have him acknowledge the importance of integrity and the dangers of chasing wealth without ethical boundaries. This can leave the audience pondering the true meaning of the American Dream and its potential for corruption.

Greed and Its Consequences

Jordan's relentless pursuit of wealth and his obsession with money drive him to commit fraud and engage in immoral activities. His insatiable greed ultimately leads to his downfall, exposing the destructive nature of unchecked ambition.

This theme delves into the negative impact of greed on individuals and society. It shows how the pursuit of wealth can consume individuals, leading to unethical behavior and ultimately causing personal and professional ruin. The screenplay cautions against the dangers of prioritizing material gain over ethical principles.

Addiction and its Impact on Relationships

Jordan's addiction to drugs, gambling, and sex affects his relationships, causing strain in his marriage and ultimately leading to his downfall. The screenplay highlights the devastating consequences of addiction on personal lives and relationships.

This theme explores the complexities of addiction and its impact on interpersonal connections. It shows how addictive behaviors can lead to self-destruction, erode trust, and damage relationships. The screenplay also suggests that addiction can be a vicious cycle that is difficult to break free from.

The Power of Persuasion and Manipulation

Jordan's success in the stock market is largely attributed to his ability to persuade and manipulate people. He uses charisma, confidence, and unethical tactics to convince investors to buy worthless stocks, highlighting the dark side of salesmanship.

This theme examines the art of persuasion and its potential for both good and evil. The screenplay demonstrates how persuasive techniques can be used to influence and manipulate others, often for personal gain. It raises questions about the ethics of salesmanship and the importance of responsible communication.

The Price of Success

Jordan's pursuit of success comes at a high cost, leading to the loss of his marriage, his friends, and his freedom. The screenplay highlights the sacrifices and compromises often associated with achieving success, especially in a competitive field like Wall Street.

This theme explores the complexities of defining success and the sacrifices that may be required to achieve it. It suggests that success can come at a cost, often requiring individuals to compromise their values and personal lives. The screenplay ultimately challenges the notion that material wealth equates to happiness and fulfillment.

Loyalty and Betrayal

Jordan's relationships with his friends and associates are tested as he faces legal troubles. Some remain loyal, while others betray him for their own benefit. The screenplay explores the complexities of loyalty and the ways in which trust can be broken.

This theme examines the importance of loyalty and the fragility of trust in personal and professional relationships. It shows how betrayal can arise from various motivations, such as self-preservation, greed, or personal vendettas. The screenplay ultimately highlights the emotional consequences of broken trust and the difficulty of rebuilding relationships after betrayal.

The Justice System and its Imperfections

The screenplay depicts the complex workings of the legal system, highlighting its imperfections and the influence of money and power. Jordan's ability to evade justice for a period of time is a testament to the loopholes and corruption that can exist within the system.

This theme explores the complexities of the justice system and the challenges of achieving true accountability. The screenplay shows how money and influence can distort the legal process and undermine the pursuit of justice. It also raises questions about the effectiveness of law enforcement in holding powerful individuals accountable for their actions.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice is characterized by a darkly humorous and cynical tone, a fast-paced narrative, sharp and witty dialogue, and a focus on the excesses and moral ambiguity of the financial world.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a compelling and engaging atmosphere that blends humor, drama, and social critique. The fast-paced dialogue and vivid imagery transport the audience into the chaotic world of stockbroking, highlighting the characters' ambition, greed, and recklessness. The darkly humorous tone adds a layer of satire to the story, exposing the absurdity of their actions and the corrosive effects of wealth and power. The writer's voice also reveals the internal struggles and moral dilemmas of the characters, particularly Jordan Belfort, as he grapples with guilt, ambition, and the consequences of his choices.
Best Representation Scene	1 - The Wild Jungle of Wealth
Best Scene Explanation	This scene is the best representation of the author's voice because it effectively establishes the tone, style, and themes of the screenplay. It blends fast-paced dialogue, vivid descriptions of excess and decadence, and a darkly humorous tone that perfectly encapsulates the characters' ambition, greed, and recklessness. The scene also foreshadows the moral ambiguity and internal conflicts that will drive the story forward. It provides a glimpse into the chaotic and seductive world of Wall Street, showcasing the writer's ability to create a compelling and engaging narrative.

Originality

Overall originality score: 9
Overall originality explanation: The screenplay presents a highly original take on the world of finance, particularly through its vivid portrayal of excess, greed, and the chaotic lifestyle of stockbrokers. Each scene introduces fresh perspectives and unique character dynamics that challenge traditional narratives about wealth and ambition. The use of dark humor, provocative situations, and authentic dialogue contributes to a distinctive voice that sets this screenplay apart from others in the genre.
Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the chaotic dart-throwing contest involving a dwarf, the absurdity of a broker swallowing a goldfish, and the depiction of a yacht capsizing during a storm while the characters prioritize drug use over safety. These scenarios highlight the extremes of the characters' lifestyles and the lengths they go to maintain their hedonistic pursuits.
Overall unpredictability score: 8.5
Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a high level of unpredictability through its chaotic narrative structure and the erratic behavior of its characters. The intertwining of personal and professional crises, along with unexpected twists such as violent confrontations and absurd comedic moments, keeps the audience engaged and guessing about the characters' fates. The escalation of Jordan's reckless decisions and the consequences that follow add to the overall unpredictability of the story.

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goals evolve from a desire for identity and success, transitioning into a need for validation, control, and ultimately a reckoning with his moral values as he grapples with the consequences of his actions. Initially, Jordan seeks financial success and recognition, but as his lifestyle spirals into chaos, he wrestles with his sense of identity amidst addiction and infidelity.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goals evolve from achieving wealth and a lavish lifestyle to navigating legal troubles and the need to preserve his reputation. As he rises in the financial world, his focus shifts from mere success to maintaining visible control and avoiding the legal ramifications of his behaviors.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict centers on the pursuit of material wealth and success at any cost versus traditional values of hard work and ethics. This conflict intertwines with Jordan's journey as he justifies his increasingly unethical choices through his desire for power and validation, challenging his moral compass and leading to his ultimate downfall.

Character Development Contribution: The evolution of Jordan's internal and external goals reflects his transformation from an ambitious young broker to a morally conflicted individual grappling with the consequences of his choices. His journey reveals deeper vulnerabilities, leading to moments of self-realization, guilt, and ultimately a need for redemption.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The alignment and conflict of Jordan's goals propel the narrative forward, framing his rise and fall as a cautionary tale about excess and ambition. Each goal achieved builds tension and stakes that contribute to a dynamic narrative arc, culminating in a dramatic confrontation with the law and his own morality.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The interplay between Jordan's goals and the philosophical conflicts enriches the screenplay's thematic depth. It explores the moral ambiguities of ambition, the dichotomy of appearance versus reality, and the dire consequences of unchecked greed, prompting audiences to reflect on the nature of success and its impact on personal relationships and integrity.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

World Building

Physical environment: The screenplay portrays a world of stark contrasts. On one hand, there are opulent settings like luxurious mansions, yachts, penthouse apartments, and high-end restaurants, showcasing the lavish lifestyles of the wealthy elite. On the other hand, gritty and chaotic settings like crowded stockbroker offices, a strip mall parking lot, and a minimum security prison illustrate the less glamorous side of this world. These contrasting environments contribute to the atmosphere of both excess and desperation, highlighting the pursuit of wealth and the potential consequences of unchecked ambition.
Culture: The dominant culture is one of extreme materialism, where success is measured by wealth, status, and the ability to indulge in extravagant lifestyles. This culture is characterized by a relentless pursuit of money, fueled by greed, ambition, and a disregard for ethical boundaries. The screenplay explores the dark side of this culture, revealing the moral decay, corruption, and the toxic impact it has on individuals and relationships. Elements like excessive drug use, rampant infidelity, and a constant pursuit of pleasure contribute to the atmosphere of decadence and moral ambiguity.
Society: The societal structure is hierarchical, with a clear divide between the wealthy elite and the rest of society. The screenplay explores the power dynamics and the influence that wealth and privilege wield. It reveals the corrupting power of money, showcasing how individuals become entangled in illegal activities and compromise their morals in the pursuit of financial success. The screenplay highlights the disparity in opportunities and the societal consequences of unchecked greed, emphasizing the vulnerability of those who lack wealth and influence.
Technology: The screenplay takes place in the late 1980s and early 1990s, reflecting the technological advancements of that era. The use of phones, computers, and gadgets is prominent, highlighting the impact of technology on communication, finance, and surveillance. However, the screenplay's focus remains on human interactions and motivations, using technology as a tool to further the narrative rather than as a central theme. The use of bugging devices, wiretapping, and hidden cameras further emphasizes the themes of deception, betrayal, and the constant threat of surveillance within this world.
Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions in profound ways. The opulent surroundings fuel their desires, while the cutthroat culture pushes them to extremes. The hierarchical societal structures create opportunities and limitations based on wealth and power, influencing their choices and actions. The technological advancements both enable and complicate their endeavors, shaping their interactions and adding elements of risk and uncertainty to their lives.
Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute significantly to the narrative of the screenplay, driving the plot and shaping the characters' journeys. The chaotic environment of the brokerage firm, the relentless pursuit of wealth, and the high stakes involved in financial transactions create a sense of constant tension and urgency. The contrasting environments and the cultural elements fuel the characters' motivations, leading to moral dilemmas, betrayals, and ultimately, their downfall.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring the corrosive nature of greed, the dangers of unchecked ambition, and the consequences of pursuing wealth at all costs. The screenplay reveals the dark side of financial success, showcasing the moral decay, societal imbalances, and personal sacrifices that can result from a relentless pursuit of wealth. The contrast between the opulent lifestyles and the harsh realities of the criminal underworld adds layers of complexity to the themes of ambition, redemption, and the fragility of human nature.

Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The central conflict revolves around Jordan Belfort's rise and fall in the world of finance, driven by his insatiable greed and reckless lifestyle, ultimately leading to legal consequences.

primary motivations

Jordan's desire for wealth and power.
The pursuit of a lavish lifestyle filled with drugs, sex, and excess.
The need for validation and status among peers in the financial world.

catalysts

Jordan's introduction to the high-stakes world of stock trading.
The influence of charismatic figures like Mark Hanna.
The chaotic environment of Stratton Oakmont that fuels Jordan's ambition.

barriers

Increasing scrutiny from the SEC and law enforcement.
Personal relationships strained by Jordan's infidelity and reckless behavior.
The consequences of drug addiction and its impact on decision-making.

themes

The corrupting influence of wealth and power.
The moral ambiguity of the financial industry.
The consequences of excess and hedonism.

stakes

The stakes include Jordan's freedom, financial empire, personal relationships, and ultimately his legacy.

uniqueness factor

The story uniquely blends dark comedy with a cautionary tale about the excesses of capitalism and the moral decay of its protagonists.

audience hook

The allure of the glamorous yet destructive lifestyle of Jordan Belfort keeps viewers engaged, alongside the tension of impending legal repercussions.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The paradox lies in the juxtaposition of Jordan's charismatic success and the inevitable downfall that follows, highlighting the duality of ambition and consequence.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

Another bisociation could be the contrast between the thrill of financial success and the emptiness it brings, showcasing the hollowness of a life built on deceit.

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Executive Summary

Strengths

Areas of Improvement

MissingElements

NotablePoints

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'The Wolf of Wall Street' is a masterclass in character-driven storytelling, showcasing the rise and fall of Jordan Belfort in a world of excess and moral ambiguity. Its strengths lie in its sharp dialogue, compelling character arcs, and a vivid portrayal of the financial industry's darker side. However, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of its themes and a tighter narrative structure in certain sections. Overall, it is a captivating and entertaining piece that resonates with audiences.

Strengths

The screenplay features sharp, engaging dialogue that captures the characters' personalities and the chaotic atmosphere of Wall Street. high ( Scene Sequence number 1 (1) Scene Sequence number 2 (8) )
The character arcs, particularly that of Jordan Belfort, are well-developed, showcasing his transformation from an ambitious broker to a morally bankrupt figure. high ( Scene Sequence number 3 (20) Scene Sequence number 4 (21) )
The screenplay effectively uses voiceover narration to provide insight into Jordan's thoughts and motivations, enhancing the audience's understanding of his character. high ( Scene Sequence number 5 (25) Scene Sequence number 6 (29) )
The pacing of the screenplay is generally strong, maintaining a high level of energy that keeps the audience engaged throughout. medium ( Scene Sequence number 8 (82) Scene Sequence number 9 (130) )
The vivid imagery and detailed descriptions create a strong sense of place, immersing the audience in the opulent yet morally ambiguous world of Wall Street. high ( Scene Sequence number 10 (59) Scene Sequence number 11 (74) )

Areas of Improvement

Some scenes could benefit from tighter editing to maintain narrative momentum and avoid dragging in certain sections. medium ( Scene Sequence number 12 (77) Scene Sequence number 13 (87) )
The screenplay occasionally relies on clichés or predictable plot points that could be refreshed for a more original take. medium ( Scene Sequence number 14 (79) Scene Sequence number 15 (82) )
The exploration of themes such as morality and consequence could be deepened to provide a more nuanced commentary on the characters' actions. high ( Scene Sequence number 16 (88) Scene Sequence number 17 (97) )
Some character motivations could be clearer, particularly for secondary characters, to enhance their roles in the narrative. medium ( Scene Sequence number 18 (101) Scene Sequence number 19 (111) )
The resolution of certain plot threads feels rushed, leaving some character arcs feeling unresolved or underexplored. medium ( Scene Sequence number 20 (118) Scene Sequence number 21 (122) )

MissingElements

A deeper exploration of the consequences of Jordan's actions on his family and friends could add emotional weight to the narrative. high ( Scene Sequence number 22 (126) Scene Sequence number 23 (130) )
The screenplay could benefit from more diverse perspectives, particularly from those affected by Jordan's actions, to provide a fuller picture of the impact of his choices. medium ( Scene Sequence number 24 (134) Scene Sequence number 25 (137) )
There is a lack of exploration into the systemic issues within the financial industry that allowed characters like Jordan to thrive. medium ( Scene Sequence number 26 (138) Scene Sequence number 27 (151) )
The screenplay could include more moments of introspection for Jordan, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggles. medium ( Scene Sequence number 28 (155) Scene Sequence number 29 (158) )
A more thorough examination of the legal and ethical implications of Jordan's actions could enhance the narrative's depth. medium ( Scene Sequence number 30 (170D) Scene Sequence number 31 (182) )

NotablePoints

The use of humor amidst serious themes creates a unique tone that balances entertainment with critique. high ( Scene Sequence number 32 (188) Scene Sequence number 33 (193) )
The screenplay's ability to maintain tension and excitement throughout, even in slower moments, is commendable. high ( Scene Sequence number 34 (201) Scene Sequence number 35 (215) )
The screenplay effectively captures the allure and danger of the lifestyle it portrays, making it both captivating and cautionary. high ( Scene Sequence number 36 (221) Scene Sequence number 37 (230) )
The juxtaposition of wealth and moral decay serves as a powerful commentary on the American Dream. high ( Scene Sequence number 38 (210) Scene Sequence number 39 (215) )
The ending leaves a lasting impression, prompting reflection on the consequences of greed and excess. high ( Scene Sequence number 40 (236) Scene Sequence number 41 (248) )

Blind Spots

Character Depth While Jordan's character is well-developed, secondary characters often lack depth and motivation, making them feel one-dimensional. For example, characters like Naomi and Donnie could benefit from more backstory and emotional complexity to enhance their roles in the narrative. high

Amateur Giveaways

Predictable Plot Points Certain plot developments, such as the inevitable downfall of Jordan and the consequences of his actions, feel predictable and could benefit from more originality or unexpected twists to keep the audience engaged. medium

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
2	Jordan: Money is the oxygen of capitalism and I wanna breathe more than any other human being alive.
1	Jordan: My name is Jordan Belfort. No, not him, me. I’m a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens.
35	Jordan: THE SHOW GOES ON!!
13	Jordan Belfort: If you wanna party with the boys, you gotta wake up with the men.
46	Jordan: Sell me this pen.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Humorous, Sarcastic, Satirical

Strengths

Engaging introduction of characters and themes
Humorous and satirical tone
Visually captivating

Weaknesses

Potential glorification of excess and unethical behavior

General Critique

The opening scene effectively sets the tone for the film, using the metaphor of a jungle to describe the chaotic world of investing. However, the transition from the commercial to the chaotic bullpen could be smoother to maintain the viewer's engagement.
The use of Gene Hackman's voiceover is a strong choice, as it adds gravitas and a sense of authority to the narrative. However, the voiceover could benefit from being more concise, as some lines feel repetitive and could be trimmed to enhance pacing.
The introduction of Jordan Belfort is compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into his character. While we see his extravagant lifestyle, it would be beneficial to hint at his motivations or insecurities to create a more complex character from the outset.
The chaotic atmosphere in the bullpen is well depicted, but the scene risks overwhelming the audience with too much information at once. Consider focusing on a few key characters or moments to ground the chaos and make it more relatable.
The use of humor, particularly with the dwarf and the dart-throwing contest, is a bold choice that sets the film's irreverent tone. However, it may come off as insensitive to some viewers. It’s important to balance humor with sensitivity to ensure it resonates positively with the audience.
The freeze frame and voiceover combination is a classic technique, but it may feel clichéd to some viewers. Finding a more innovative way to introduce Jordan's backstory could enhance the originality of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The opening commercial effectively sets the tone for the film, using metaphor to illustrate the chaotic world of finance. However, the transition from the commercial to the chaotic bullpen could be smoother to maintain narrative flow.
Jordan's introduction through voiceover is engaging, but it risks distancing the audience from his character. Consider showing more of his personality through action rather than exposition.
The use of the dwarf in the dart-throwing contest is provocative and humorous, but it may come off as insensitive. It’s important to balance humor with respect for all characters.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him well-suited to critique the narrative and character introduction in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the transition from the commercial to the bullpen be improved to enhance narrative flow?
What are effective ways to show character traits through action instead of relying heavily on voiceover?
How can humor be balanced with sensitivity in character portrayals, especially in a comedic context?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a great job of establishing the high-energy environment of Stratton Oakmont, but it could benefit from deeper character interactions to ground the chaos.
Jordan's voiceover provides context, but it could be more impactful if it revealed his internal conflicts or motivations rather than just his achievements.
The visual imagery of wealth and excess is strong, but it risks becoming cliché. Finding unique angles or moments could enhance the originality of the scene.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and screenwriting structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character depth and originality in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some techniques to deepen character interactions in chaotic scenes without losing the energy?
How can internal conflicts be woven into voiceovers to create a more complex character portrayal?
What are some unique visual storytelling techniques that can be employed to depict wealth and excess?

Critique by William Goldman

The dialogue is punchy and captures the frenetic energy of the stockbrokers, but some lines could be trimmed for greater impact.
The use of a freeze frame is a bold stylistic choice, but it may disrupt the pacing. Consider whether it serves the story or merely adds flair.
The scene effectively showcases the absurdity of the stockbroker lifestyle, but it could benefit from moments of reflection or contrast to highlight the characters' moral ambiguity.

William Goldman is renowned for his sharp dialogue and understanding of pacing, making his perspective crucial for refining the scene's energy and impact.

Questions for AI

How can dialogue be tightened to enhance the impact of character interactions in a high-energy scene?
What are the pros and cons of using stylistic choices like freeze frames in terms of pacing and audience engagement?
How can moments of reflection be integrated into chaotic scenes to emphasize character moral ambiguity?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Jordan during the chaos, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level before diving into the wild antics.
Streamline the voiceover to focus on key points that highlight Jordan's ambition and the stakes of his world, avoiding redundancy to keep the audience engaged.
Introduce a secondary character who can serve as a foil to Jordan, providing contrast and depth to his character while also grounding the chaotic environment.
Incorporate visual storytelling elements that show the consequences of the brokers' actions, hinting at the darker side of their lifestyle to create a more nuanced portrayal.
Reassess the humor involving the dwarf to ensure it aligns with the overall tone of the film and does not alienate viewers. Consider using humor that highlights the absurdity of the situation without crossing into potentially offensive territory.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a contrasting calm before the chaos of the bullpen to heighten the impact of the transition.
Incorporate a scene where Jordan interacts with a broker or a client to reveal his personality and motivations more dynamically.
Reassess the portrayal of the dwarf to ensure it serves the humor without crossing into insensitivity, perhaps by giving the character a more defined role.

Robert McKee's focus on narrative structure and character depth makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to create a moment of calm before a chaotic scene to enhance its impact?
How can character interactions be structured to reveal deeper motivations and traits dynamically?
What are some best practices for portraying humor in a way that respects all characters involved?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a secondary character who challenges Jordan's perspective, providing a contrasting viewpoint that adds depth to the chaos.
Use Jordan's voiceover to hint at his internal struggles with morality and ambition, creating a more complex character arc.
Explore unique visual metaphors or symbols that represent wealth and excess, avoiding clichés while enhancing the scene's originality.

Linda Seger's expertise in character development and originality makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

How can secondary characters be effectively used to challenge the protagonist's views in a chaotic environment?
What are some techniques for integrating internal struggles into voiceovers without losing narrative focus?
What are some creative visual metaphors that could replace clichés in depicting wealth and excess?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Edit the dialogue to remove any redundant lines, ensuring each line contributes to character development or plot advancement.
Reevaluate the use of the freeze frame; if it remains, consider adding a voiceover that ties it back to Jordan's character arc.
Incorporate brief moments of reflection from Jordan amidst the chaos, perhaps through quick cuts to his internal thoughts or flashbacks.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions essential for refining the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

What are some strategies for tightening dialogue to enhance character interactions in a fast-paced scene?
How can a freeze frame be effectively integrated into a narrative without disrupting pacing?
What techniques can be used to incorporate moments of reflection in chaotic scenes to deepen character exploration?

Genres: Drama, Biography, Crime
Tone: Dark, Hedonistic, Paranoid, Confident

Strengths

Compelling character exploration
Dark and hedonistic tone
Effective setup of themes and conflicts

Weaknesses

Graphic drug use may be off-putting to some audiences

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes Jordan's hedonistic lifestyle and sets the tone for his character's reckless behavior. However, the explicit nature of the sexual act and drug use may alienate some viewers, potentially overshadowing the narrative's deeper themes of excess and moral decay.
The voiceover provides insight into Jordan's mindset, but it risks becoming repetitive. The audience may benefit from more varied expressions of his thoughts, perhaps through interactions with other characters or visual storytelling, rather than relying solely on voiceover.
The transition between the hotel bedroom and the helicopter scene is abrupt. While it showcases Jordan's chaotic life, a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative. Consider using a visual motif or thematic element that connects the two settings more cohesively.
The portrayal of the hooker and the drug use, while fitting the character's lifestyle, could be seen as objectifying and may detract from the audience's ability to empathize with Jordan. Balancing the depiction of his vices with moments of vulnerability or reflection could create a more nuanced character.
The dialogue, particularly in the helicopter scene, feels exaggerated and cartoonish. While this may be intentional to emphasize Jordan's drug-induced state, it risks undermining the tension of the moment. Striking a balance between humor and seriousness could enhance the impact of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene's dialogue is sharp and provocative, but it risks alienating the audience with its explicit content. Jordan's voiceover is effective in conveying his reckless lifestyle, yet it could benefit from more nuanced language that reflects his internal conflict rather than just boasting about his excesses.
The transition from the hotel bedroom to the helicopter is jarring. While it captures the chaotic nature of Jordan's life, it could be smoother to maintain narrative flow. Consider using a visual motif or a recurring line that ties these moments together.
Jordan's paranoia in the helicopter is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his physical reactions or thoughts rather than relying solely on voiceover. This would ground the audience in his experience.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character motivations, making him well-suited to critique the scene's language and transitions.

Questions for AI

How can the dialogue be refined to maintain its edge while also deepening Jordan's character? What specific lines could be altered to reflect his internal struggle?
What techniques can be used to create smoother transitions between chaotic scenes without losing the intensity of the narrative?
How can physical actions be integrated into the voiceover to enhance the emotional weight of Jordan's paranoia in the helicopter?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes Jordan's hedonistic lifestyle, but it lacks a clear emotional arc. While we see his indulgence, we don't yet feel the consequences of his actions. Adding a moment of reflection or regret could create a more compelling character journey.
The use of voiceover is prevalent, but it can sometimes overshadow the visual storytelling. Consider allowing more of the scene to unfold through action rather than narration, which would enhance the visual impact.
The portrayal of the hooker could be seen as reductive. It might be beneficial to give her a moment of agency or a line that hints at her perspective, adding depth to the scene.

Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

What specific moments could be added to show the emotional consequences of Jordan's lifestyle, enhancing his character arc?
How can the balance between voiceover and visual storytelling be improved to create a more dynamic scene?
What lines or actions could be introduced to give the hooker more depth and agency in the scene?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene is rich in conflict, but it could benefit from a clearer dramatic structure. The stakes are high, yet they feel somewhat abstract. Establishing a specific goal for Jordan in this moment could heighten tension.
The chaotic energy is palpable, but it risks overwhelming the audience. Consider moments of stillness or clarity amidst the chaos to allow viewers to process the intensity of Jordan's actions.
The voiceover is informative but could be more dramatic. Instead of listing his vices, it might be more impactful to show how these choices affect his relationships and his psyche.

McKee is an authority on story structure and conflict, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the scene's dramatic impact.

Questions for AI

What specific goals could be established for Jordan in this scene to raise the stakes and enhance dramatic tension?
How can moments of stillness be integrated into the chaos to help the audience process the intensity of the scene?
What changes could be made to the voiceover to transform it from a list of vices into a more dramatic exploration of Jordan's internal conflicts?

General Suggestions

Consider incorporating more visual storytelling elements to convey Jordan's mindset and lifestyle, such as quick cuts to his extravagant possessions or chaotic parties, rather than relying heavily on voiceover.
Introduce a secondary character in the hotel scene who reacts to Jordan's behavior, providing a contrasting perspective that could deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the consequences of his actions.
Explore the emotional ramifications of Jordan's lifestyle by including brief moments of introspection or regret, which could add depth to his character and make him more relatable to the audience.
Refine the dialogue in the helicopter scene to maintain the comedic tone while ensuring it doesn't detract from the tension. Consider using more realistic language that reflects the high-stakes situation.
Enhance the transitions between scenes to create a more fluid narrative. For example, using sound design or visual motifs that echo from one scene to the next can help maintain the audience's engagement.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Refine the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing Jordan's bravado to mask deeper insecurities. For example, instead of outright stating his drug use, he could make a sarcastic remark that hints at his struggles.
Create a visual motif, such as a recurring image of a clock or a countdown, to symbolize the fleeting nature of Jordan's high life, enhancing the transitions between scenes.
Incorporate more physicality into Jordan's paranoia in the helicopter, perhaps showing him gripping the controls tightly or sweating profusely, to convey his mental state more vividly.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can be rewritten to add subtext to Jordan's dialogue, revealing his insecurities?
How can a visual motif be effectively integrated into the narrative to enhance thematic depth?
What physical actions can be added to Jordan's portrayal in the helicopter to better convey his mental state?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a moment of reflection for Jordan after his encounter with the hooker, perhaps a fleeting thought about his family or a past regret, to create emotional depth.
Limit the voiceover in favor of showing Jordan's actions and reactions. For instance, instead of narrating his drug use, depict him in a moment of vulnerability after using, allowing the audience to infer his struggles.
Give the hooker a line that hints at her own story or perspective, creating a more complex dynamic between her and Jordan.

Seger's focus on character arcs and emotional depth makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's resonance.

Questions for AI

What specific moments of reflection could be added to deepen Jordan's emotional journey in this scene?
How can the balance between voiceover and action be adjusted to create a more visually driven narrative?
What lines could be introduced to give the hooker more depth and agency in her interaction with Jordan?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Establish a clear goal for Jordan in this scene, such as a desire to escape reality or prove his dominance, to raise the stakes and create tension.
Intersperse moments of clarity amidst the chaos, such as a brief flash of Jordan's family or a moment of silence, to allow the audience to process the intensity of his actions.
Transform the voiceover from a list of vices into a dramatic exploration of Jordan's psyche, perhaps by framing it as a confession or a desperate plea for understanding.

McKee's insights into story structure and conflict are essential for enhancing the scene's dramatic effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What specific goals could be established for Jordan to enhance the dramatic tension in this scene?
How can moments of clarity be effectively integrated into the chaotic narrative to help the audience process the intensity?
What changes can be made to the voiceover to transform it into a more dramatic exploration of Jordan's internal conflicts?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Manic, Sarcastic, Excited

Strengths

Dynamic dialogue
Vivid characters
Engaging setting

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Slightly chaotic pacing

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of a Wall Street trading floor, immersing the audience in the high-stakes environment. The use of dialogue and voiceover provides insight into Jordan's character and his initial impressions of the brokerage world.
The contrast between Jerry Fogel's stern demeanor and Mark Hanna's charismatic, brash attitude is well-executed, showcasing the different personalities within the brokerage. This dynamic sets the stage for Jordan's journey and the influences he will encounter.
Jordan's voiceover is a strong narrative device that allows the audience to understand his thoughts and feelings, but it could benefit from more specificity about his motivations and aspirations. While he expresses a desire for wealth, delving deeper into his emotional state could enhance character development.
The dialogue is sharp and often humorous, but some lines, particularly those from Mark Hanna, may come off as overly crude or gratuitous. While this reflects the culture of the brokerage, balancing humor with character depth could create a more nuanced portrayal.
The pacing of the scene is frenetic, which is appropriate for the setting, but it risks overwhelming the audience. Careful attention to the rhythm of dialogue and action could help maintain clarity while still conveying chaos.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively establishes the chaotic environment of the brokerage office, which is crucial for setting the tone of the film. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to enhance character differentiation. For instance, while Mark Hanna's introduction is charismatic, his line about Jerry Fogel lacks depth and could be more impactful if it revealed more about his character's motivations or insecurities.
Jordan's voiceover is a strong narrative device, but it could benefit from more emotional resonance. Instead of merely stating he could imagine what a 'douchebag' the millionaire broker is, he could reflect on his own insecurities or aspirations, creating a deeper connection with the audience.
The pacing of the scene is frenetic, which works well for the setting, but it risks overwhelming the audience. Consider moments of stillness or introspection for Jordan to contrast the chaos and highlight his internal conflict.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him ideal for critiquing the narrative and emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the dialogue be revised to provide more depth to Mark Hanna's character while maintaining the chaotic tone of the scene?
What techniques can be used to balance the frenetic pacing with moments of introspection for Jordan to enhance emotional engagement?
How can Jordan's voiceover be adjusted to reflect his internal struggles more effectively?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a great job of introducing the high-stakes world of Wall Street, but it could benefit from clearer character arcs. For instance, Jordan's transition from a novice to being 'hooked' on the adrenaline of trading could be more pronounced through his actions and reactions to the chaos around him.
The use of humor in Mark Hanna's dialogue is effective, but it could be more balanced with the seriousness of the environment. This would help to establish the stakes more clearly and show the consequences of their reckless behavior.
The scene lacks a clear goal for Jordan. While he is introduced to the chaos, it would be more engaging if he had a specific objective or desire that drives his actions, making his journey more compelling.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and screenwriting structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character arcs and goals in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific actions can be added to Jordan's character arc to illustrate his transition from novice to adrenaline junkie more clearly?
How can the humor in Mark Hanna's dialogue be balanced with the serious undertones of the brokerage environment to enhance the stakes?
What clear goals can be established for Jordan in this scene to make his journey more compelling?

Critique by William Goldman

The dialogue is sharp and captures the essence of the Wall Street culture, but it could be more varied. For example, while the profanity adds authenticity, it risks becoming repetitive. Introducing different styles of dialogue among the brokers could enhance character differentiation.
The visual elements are strong, but the scene could benefit from more specific actions that illustrate the chaos. For instance, showing brokers engaging in unique behaviors or rituals could add layers to the environment.
The scene's climax, marked by the ringing bell, is effective, but it could be heightened by showing Jordan's physical reactions to the chaos, emphasizing his emotional state and making the audience feel his adrenaline rush.

William Goldman is renowned for his dialogue and character work, making him well-suited to critique the dialogue and visual storytelling aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the dialogue be varied among the brokers to enhance character differentiation while maintaining authenticity?
What specific actions can be introduced to illustrate the chaos of the brokerage environment more vividly?
How can Jordan's physical reactions be emphasized during the climax of the scene to better convey his emotional state?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of reflection for Jordan amidst the chaos, allowing the audience to see his internal conflict or excitement more clearly. This could deepen the emotional impact of his initial experience on the trading floor.
Explore the relationships between the characters further. For instance, a brief exchange between Jordan and Fogel could highlight the tension between the old guard and the new, providing context for Jordan's ambitions.
While the crude humor is fitting for the environment, consider varying the types of humor used. Incorporating moments of genuine camaraderie or competition among the brokers could add depth to their interactions.
To enhance the visual storytelling, consider using more dynamic camera movements or angles that reflect the chaos of the trading floor. This could help convey the frenetic energy without relying solely on dialogue.
Ensure that the voiceover complements the action rather than distracts from it. Streamlining some of the voiceover lines could help maintain focus on the visual elements of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Revise Mark Hanna's dialogue to include a line that reveals his insecurities or motivations, such as a comment about his own struggles in the industry, which would add depth to his character.
Incorporate a moment where Jordan pauses to reflect on the chaos around him, perhaps showing a flash of doubt or excitement, to create a contrast with the frenetic energy of the brokers.
Enhance Jordan's voiceover to include a line that connects his feelings of inadequacy or ambition to the chaos, making his internal conflict more relatable.

Robert McKee's focus on character depth and emotional resonance makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific line could be added to Mark Hanna's dialogue to reveal more about his character?
How can a moment of reflection for Jordan be effectively integrated into the chaotic environment?
What adjustments can be made to Jordan's voiceover to better connect his internal conflict with the external chaos?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a moment where Jordan interacts with a broker who embodies the consequences of the high-stakes lifestyle, perhaps someone who has lost everything, to create a contrast with the excitement of the trading floor.
Introduce a specific goal for Jordan, such as wanting to impress Mark Hanna or prove himself to Jerry Fogel, which would drive his actions and reactions throughout the scene.
Balance the humor in Mark Hanna's dialogue with a moment of seriousness, perhaps by having him acknowledge the risks involved in their lifestyle, which would heighten the stakes.

Linda Seger's expertise in character arcs and goals makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the narrative drive of the scene.

Questions for AI

What kind of character could be introduced to illustrate the consequences of the high-stakes lifestyle?
How can a specific goal for Jordan be integrated into the scene to drive his actions?
What serious moment could be added to Mark Hanna's dialogue to balance the humor and heighten the stakes?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Vary the dialogue among the brokers by introducing distinct personalities, such as a broker who is overly optimistic or one who is cynical, to create a richer tapestry of characters.
Include specific actions that illustrate the chaos, such as brokers throwing papers in the air or engaging in competitive banter, to enhance the visual storytelling.
Emphasize Jordan's physical reactions during the climax by showing him leaning forward in his chair, gripping the desk, or sweating, which would heighten the audience's connection to his adrenaline rush.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and visual storytelling makes his suggestions essential for improving the scene's overall effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What distinct personality traits could be introduced to diversify the dialogue among the brokers?
What specific chaotic actions could be added to enhance the visual storytelling of the scene?
How can Jordan's physical reactions be portrayed to better convey his emotional state during the climax?

Genres: Drama, Biography
Tone: Intense, Cynical, Dark

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Compelling characters
Intense atmosphere

Weaknesses

Depiction of drug use may be excessive for some viewers

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the hedonistic culture of Wall Street in the 1980s, showcasing the juxtaposition of power and excess through the dialogue between Jordan and Mark Hanna. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while it is humorous and engaging, some lines feel overly expository, particularly Hanna's advice about cocaine and sex. This could be streamlined to maintain a natural flow while still conveying the same message.
The visual elements, such as the close-up of the coke spoon and the panoramic views of the city, set a strong tone for the scene. However, the transition from the restaurant to the strip club could be more seamless. The abrupt shift feels jarring and could be enhanced with a more gradual transition that builds anticipation for the chaos that follows.
Jordan's character is established as impressionable and eager, but his internal conflict about the lifestyle he is being introduced to could be more pronounced. While he expresses excitement, there is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into his apprehension about the moral implications of Hanna's advice. This would add depth to his character and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from moments of silence or reflection, particularly after Hanna's more shocking statements. Allowing the audience to absorb the weight of what is being said would enhance the impact of the dialogue and the overall atmosphere of the scene.
The use of voiceover is effective in providing context and insight into Jordan's thoughts, but it could be used more strategically. For instance, instead of summarizing what he learned over the next six months, it might be more engaging to show specific moments or lessons learned through flashbacks or visual storytelling.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Mark Hanna's brashness and Jordan's naivety. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext in their exchanges. For instance, when Hanna talks about cocaine and hookers as keys to success, it could be more impactful if Jordan's reactions showed a deeper internal conflict rather than just a smile.
The pacing is frenetic, which suits the chaotic world of Wall Street, but it risks overwhelming the audience. Consider slowing down key moments to allow the weight of Hanna's advice to sink in for Jordan and the audience.
The visual elements are strong, particularly the contrast between the luxurious setting and the illicit activities. However, the scene could use more visual metaphors to enhance the themes of excess and moral decay.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting expert to critique the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into the dialogue between Jordan and Hanna to deepen their character development?
What techniques can I use to balance the frenetic pacing while still maintaining the chaotic energy of the scene?
Can you suggest visual metaphors that could enhance the themes of excess and moral decay in this scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the hedonistic culture of Wall Street, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for Jordan. His initial excitement about the job should be contrasted with a growing sense of unease as he absorbs Hanna's worldview.
Hanna's character is well-defined, but Jordan's motivations could be clearer. Why is he so eager to fit into this world? Adding a line or two that hints at his insecurities or aspirations could strengthen his character.
The transition from the restaurant to the strip club feels abrupt. Consider adding a moment that bridges these two locations, perhaps a line from Hanna that foreshadows the wild night ahead.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of the characters in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I clarify Jordan's emotional arc in this scene to show his internal conflict more effectively?
What specific lines could I add to deepen Jordan's motivations and insecurities?
Can you suggest a way to create a smoother transition from the restaurant to the strip club?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene does a great job of establishing stakes and the high-pressure environment of Wall Street. However, it lacks a clear dramatic question that propels the narrative forward. What does Jordan stand to gain or lose in this moment?
The humor in the scene is effective, but it sometimes undercuts the seriousness of the themes being explored. Consider how to balance the comedic elements with the darker undertones of addiction and moral compromise.
The use of voiceover is effective in providing context, but it could be more strategically placed. Instead of having it at the end, consider integrating it throughout the scene to enhance the emotional resonance.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective crucial for ensuring the scene has a strong narrative drive.

Questions for AI

What dramatic question could I introduce to give this scene more narrative drive?
How can I balance the comedic elements with the darker themes of addiction and moral compromise?
What are some effective ways to integrate voiceover throughout the scene to enhance emotional resonance?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce exposition and allow for more subtext. This can create a more natural conversation that feels less scripted.
Enhance the transition between the restaurant and the strip club by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two locations, such as a lingering shot of the city skyline or the sound of music leading into the next scene.
Deepen Jordan's internal conflict by incorporating more of his thoughts or reactions to Hanna's advice, perhaps through additional voiceover or visual cues that show his hesitation or moral struggle.
Introduce moments of silence or pauses after key lines to allow the audience to process the implications of Hanna's advice, which would heighten the tension and drama of the scene.
Utilize the voiceover to highlight specific lessons or experiences rather than summarizing them, potentially through flashbacks that illustrate Jordan's journey and transformation during his first months on Wall Street.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Add more subtext to the dialogue, particularly in Jordan's responses to Hanna. For example, when Hanna talks about cocaine and hookers, have Jordan's smile fade slightly, indicating his internal conflict.
Slow down the pacing during key moments, such as when Hanna gives his advice. Allow the audience to absorb the weight of his words before moving on.
Incorporate visual metaphors, such as a reflection of Jordan in the glass of the restaurant, to symbolize his duality and the moral decay surrounding him.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext can help enhance the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific moments should I slow down to allow for deeper character reflection?
Can you provide examples of visual metaphors that would fit the themes of this scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify Jordan's emotional arc by adding lines that reflect his excitement and subsequent unease about the job. Perhaps he could express a desire to prove himself, hinting at his insecurities.
Introduce a line from Hanna that foreshadows the wild night ahead, creating a smoother transition to the strip club scene.
Consider adding a moment where Jordan hesitates before accepting the lifestyle Hanna promotes, showcasing his internal struggle.

Linda Seger's focus on character development will help deepen the emotional stakes in the scene.

Questions for AI

What lines could effectively convey Jordan's insecurities and aspirations?
How can I create a more seamless transition to the strip club scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear dramatic question that drives the scene, such as what Jordan stands to gain or lose by embracing Hanna's lifestyle.
Balance the humor with the darker themes by having moments where the laughter fades, allowing the audience to feel the weight of addiction and moral compromise.
Rework the voiceover to be integrated throughout the scene, perhaps reflecting Jordan's thoughts as he observes Hanna's behavior.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure will ensure the scene maintains strong narrative momentum.

Questions for AI

What dramatic question would best enhance the stakes in this scene?
How can I effectively balance humor with the darker themes present in the dialogue?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Biography
Tone: Intense, Ambitious, Confident

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Strong character dynamics
Effective setup of conflict

Weaknesses

Moderate emotional impact
Some cliched elements in the setting

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Jordan's previous high-status position at L.F. Rothschild and his current situation at the Investor's Center, which is depicted as a chaotic and unprofessional environment. This juxtaposition highlights Jordan's desperation and ambition, setting the stage for his transformation into a penny stock salesman.
The dialogue between Jordan and Teresa at the beginning of the scene serves to humanize Jordan, showing his relationship struggles and the pressure of financial instability. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by delving deeper into Teresa's feelings about their situation, which would add more depth to their dynamic.
The introduction of Dwayne and the other brokers at the Investor's Center is effective in showcasing the absurdity of the penny stock business. However, the character of Dwayne could be fleshed out more to make him memorable, as he currently serves more as an exposition tool than a fully realized character.
Jordan's transition from skepticism about penny stocks to excitement about the potential commissions is well-executed, but it could benefit from a more explicit internal conflict. Showing a moment of hesitation or moral questioning before he fully embraces this new path would add complexity to his character.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the conversation with Teresa to the Investor's Center could be smoother. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations and emphasize Jordan's mindset as he moves into this new world.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively establishes the financial desperation of Jordan and Teresa, showcasing their contrasting perspectives on money and success. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; Teresa's suggestion to pawn her engagement ring feels underplayed and lacks emotional weight. Jordan's response, while confident, could benefit from a deeper exploration of his internal conflict between ambition and reality.
The transition from their intimate moment to the chaotic environment of the Investor's Center is abrupt. It would be more impactful if the scene built tension around their financial struggles before shifting to Jordan's new job, emphasizing the stakes involved.
Jordan's character is established as ambitious and somewhat reckless, but the scene could delve deeper into his motivations. Why is he so adamant about not pawning the ring? This could reveal more about his character's pride and fear of failure.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for critiquing the emotional and narrative aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional stakes in the dialogue between Jordan and Teresa to better reflect their financial struggles?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between the domestic scene and the chaotic Investor's Center?
In what ways can I deepen Jordan's internal conflict regarding his ambition and the reality of his situation?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing the couple's financial tension, but it could benefit from more visual storytelling. Instead of just dialogue, consider incorporating visual elements that symbolize their financial struggles, such as bills piling up or a stark contrast between their modest kitchen and the luxurious lifestyle Jordan aspires to.
Teresa's character feels somewhat passive in this scene. To strengthen her role, consider giving her a more assertive stance regarding their financial situation. This could create a more compelling dynamic between her and Jordan.
The dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing. For instance, instead of Jordan's lengthy explanation about being a millionaire, a more succinct line could convey the same confidence while keeping the scene brisk.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and visual storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional and visual aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

What visual elements can I incorporate to symbolize the financial struggles of Jordan and Teresa?
How can I make Teresa's character more assertive in this scene to create a stronger dynamic with Jordan?
What specific lines can I tighten to improve the pacing of the dialogue?

Critique by William Goldman

The dialogue feels somewhat conventional and could use more wit or humor to reflect the absurdity of their situation. Jordan's line about being a millionaire could be more ironic, given the context of their financial struggles.
The introduction of the Investor's Center is intriguing, but the scene could benefit from foreshadowing. Perhaps hint at the chaotic environment before Jordan arrives, building anticipation for the contrast between his expectations and reality.
The pacing of the scene is uneven; the transition from the intimate kitchen moment to the Investor's Center could be more fluid. Consider adding a moment of reflection for Jordan as he leaves the apartment, which could serve as a bridge between the two settings.

William Goldman is known for his sharp dialogue and storytelling techniques, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the dialogue and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I infuse more wit or humor into the dialogue to reflect the absurdity of Jordan's situation?
What foreshadowing techniques can I use to hint at the chaotic environment of the Investor's Center before Jordan arrives?
How can I create a smoother transition between the intimate moment in the kitchen and the chaotic Investor's Center?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Teresa expresses her fears or frustrations more explicitly, which would deepen the emotional impact of their conversation and make Jordan's subsequent decisions feel more consequential.
Flesh out Dwayne's character by giving him a memorable quirk or backstory that makes him stand out among the other brokers, which would enhance the comedic and chaotic atmosphere of the Investor's Center.
Incorporate a brief internal monologue or visual cue that illustrates Jordan's internal struggle as he grapples with the ethics of selling penny stocks, which would add depth to his character arc.
Smooth the transition between the apartment and the Investor's Center by including a moment of reflection for Jordan, perhaps showing him looking at the classifieds with a sense of desperation before he heads out, reinforcing his motivations.
Consider using more vivid and specific descriptions of the Investor's Center to enhance the chaotic atmosphere, such as the sounds, smells, and sights that would make the reader feel immersed in the environment.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Enhance the emotional stakes in the dialogue by having Teresa express her fears about their financial situation more explicitly, perhaps referencing their past struggles or dreams that are now slipping away.
Create a more gradual transition to the Investor's Center by incorporating a moment where Jordan reflects on his decision to leave the apartment, perhaps showing a moment of doubt or nostalgia.
Explore Jordan's motivations further by adding a line that reveals his fear of failure or his desire to prove himself, making his refusal to pawn the ring more poignant.

Robert McKee's focus on character motivations and emotional stakes makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I add to deepen Teresa's emotional expression regarding their financial struggles?
How can I visually represent Jordan's internal conflict as he prepares to leave the apartment for the Investor's Center?
What additional dialogue can I include to highlight Jordan's fear of failure in this scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate visual storytelling elements, such as showing bills or financial documents scattered on the table, to emphasize their financial struggles without relying solely on dialogue.
Give Teresa a more active role by having her suggest alternative solutions to their financial problems, showcasing her resourcefulness and creating a more dynamic interaction with Jordan.
Tighten the dialogue by removing any redundant lines and focusing on impactful exchanges that reveal character and advance the plot.

Linda Seger's expertise in visual storytelling and character dynamics makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific visual elements can I add to the scene to enhance the storytelling without relying on dialogue?
How can I rewrite Teresa's lines to make her character more proactive in addressing their financial issues?
What lines can I cut or revise to improve the overall pacing of the dialogue?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Infuse the dialogue with more irony or humor, particularly in Jordan's lines about being a millionaire, to reflect the absurdity of their situation and add depth to his character.
Introduce subtle foreshadowing about the chaotic nature of the Investor's Center by having Jordan overhear snippets of conversation from outside the storefront before he enters.
Add a reflective moment for Jordan as he leaves the apartment, perhaps a brief internal monologue that captures his hopes and fears about the new job.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and storytelling techniques makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the scene's tone and pacing.

Questions for AI

How can I rewrite Jordan's lines to incorporate more irony or humor regarding his financial aspirations?
What specific snippets of conversation can I include to foreshadow the chaos of the Investor's Center?
What internal thoughts can I give Jordan as he leaves the apartment to enhance his character development?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Biography
Tone: Intense, Dark, Cynical

Strengths

Compelling concept
Well-developed characters
Sharp dialogue

Weaknesses

Morally ambiguous characters may be off-putting to some viewers

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the essence of Jordan's character as a charismatic and manipulative stockbroker. His confidence in selling worthless stocks is palpable, and the voiceover adds depth to his internal conflict, highlighting the moral ambiguity of his actions.
The transition from the Investor's Center to the diner is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more visual contrast between the chaotic environment of the brokerage and the more subdued diner setting. This would enhance the feeling of Jordan's dual life.
Donnie's introduction is engaging, but his character could be fleshed out further. While we get a glimpse of his personality through his dialogue, adding a brief visual cue or action that showcases his quirks would make him more memorable.
The dialogue flows well, but some lines could be tightened for greater impact. For instance, Donnie's reaction to Jordan's pay stub could be more exaggerated to emphasize his disbelief and excitement, which would enhance the comedic tone.
The voiceover provides insight into Jordan's thoughts, but it sometimes feels redundant. Instead of reiterating what is visually presented, consider using the voiceover to explore deeper themes or foreshadow future events, adding layers to the narrative.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively showcases Jordan's manipulative nature and his ability to sell a worthless stock, which is central to his character arc. However, the transition from the Investor's Center to the diner feels abrupt. It would benefit from a smoother connection that emphasizes the consequences of Jordan's actions.
Jordan's voiceover is insightful, but it could be more impactful if it included specific examples of the consequences of his actions, rather than just stating he was making a fortune. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his moral decline.
The introduction of Donnie is intriguing, but his character could be fleshed out more in this scene. What specifically draws Jordan to him beyond the immediate financial gain? Adding a moment that hints at Donnie's own ambitions or flaws could create a more dynamic relationship.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him a fitting choice to critique the narrative and character dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a smoother transition between the Investor's Center and the diner to maintain narrative flow?
What specific examples could I include in Jordan's voiceover to illustrate the consequences of his actions more vividly?
How can I better develop Donnie's character in this scene to enhance the dynamic between him and Jordan?

Critique by Linda Seger

The dialogue between Jordan and Donnie is engaging, but it could be enhanced by adding subtext. For instance, while Donnie is impressed by Jordan's income, there could be an underlying skepticism that hints at his own desperation.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset, but it could be more effective if it contrasted with his actions in the scene. For example, while he claims to be making a fortune, the audience should see the emptiness of that success through his interactions.
The pacing of the scene is quick, which works for the high-energy environment, but it may benefit from a moment of pause where Jordan reflects on the implications of his new partnership with Donnie.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and dialogue, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and subtext in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate subtext into the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie to add depth to their interaction?
What specific actions can I show that contrast Jordan's voiceover about making a fortune with the reality of his situation?
What kind of reflective moment could I include to slow down the pacing and allow for character introspection?

Critique by William Goldman

The scene captures the essence of the fast-paced world of Wall Street, but it could benefit from more visual storytelling. Instead of relying heavily on voiceover, consider showing Jordan's actions and expressions that convey his internal conflict.
Donnie's introduction is pivotal, but the scene could use more visual cues to establish his character. Perhaps a brief moment where Donnie's demeanor shifts from casual to serious when discussing money could add layers to his character.
The humor in the scene is effective, but it should be balanced with the darker themes of greed and deception. Finding moments where the humor undercuts the seriousness of their actions could create a more complex tone.

William Goldman is renowned for his understanding of dialogue and humor in screenwriting, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the tone and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

What visual storytelling techniques can I use to convey Jordan's internal conflict without relying too much on voiceover?
How can I visually establish Donnie's character in a way that hints at his complexities?
What specific moments can I identify to balance humor with the darker themes present in this scene?

General Suggestions

Introduce a visual motif that contrasts the high-energy brokerage environment with the more relaxed diner setting, perhaps through lighting or camera angles, to emphasize the duality of Jordan's life.
Enhance Donnie's character by incorporating a unique action or quirk that reflects his personality, making him stand out more in the scene.
Tighten the dialogue by removing any unnecessary words or phrases, particularly in Donnie's reactions, to create a sharper, more impactful exchange.
Use the voiceover to delve into Jordan's psyche or hint at future consequences of his actions, rather than restating what is already shown on screen, to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.
Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt from Jordan after he hands over the pay stub, which could create tension and foreshadow the reckless decisions he will make in the future.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Consider adding a brief moment where Jordan reflects on the ethical implications of selling garbage stocks before transitioning to the diner. This could enhance the moral complexity of his character.
Incorporate a moment where Donnie expresses skepticism about Jordan's claims, which could foreshadow their future partnership dynamics and add tension.
Create a more gradual transition from the Investor's Center to the diner, perhaps by showing Jordan leaving the office and reflecting on his success as he drives.

Robert McKee's focus on character complexity and narrative flow makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively illustrate Jordan's internal conflict regarding the ethics of his actions?
What specific lines could I add to Donnie's dialogue to introduce skepticism about Jordan's claims?
What visual elements can I include to create a smoother transition between the two locations?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add subtext to the dialogue by having Donnie express admiration for Jordan's success while subtly hinting at his own financial struggles, creating a more layered interaction.
Include a moment where Jordan's voiceover contrasts with his actions, such as him looking around the diner and realizing the emptiness of his success despite the money.
Introduce a reflective pause where Jordan considers the implications of bringing Donnie into his world, perhaps through a brief flashback or a moment of hesitation.

Linda Seger's expertise in character development and dialogue makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I write to create subtext in the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie?
How can I visually represent the contrast between Jordan's voiceover and his reality in the diner?
What kind of reflective moment could I include to deepen Jordan's character development?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Utilize visual storytelling by showing Jordan's expressions and body language during the conversation with Donnie, allowing the audience to infer his internal conflict.
Create a moment where Donnie's demeanor shifts, perhaps when he sees the pay stub, to visually indicate his ambition and desperation.
Balance the humor in the scene by incorporating a moment where Jordan's excitement is undercut by a realization of the darker implications of their conversation.

William Goldman's insights into dialogue and humor will help enhance the tone and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific visual cues can I use to convey Jordan's internal conflict during his conversation with Donnie?
How can I visually depict a shift in Donnie's character when he sees the pay stub?
What moments can I identify to balance humor with the darker themes present in the scene?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Comedy
Tone: Cynical, Sarcastic, Reflective

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character development
Foreshadowing

Weaknesses

Lack of external conflict
Limited emotional impact

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and humorous nature of Jordan's recruitment process, showcasing the personalities of his friends. However, the dialogue can feel disjointed at times, with characters jumping from one topic to another without clear transitions, which may confuse the audience.
The use of voiceover is a strong narrative tool, but it sometimes detracts from the immediacy of the scene. The audience might benefit from more visual storytelling rather than relying heavily on Jordan's internal monologue to convey his thoughts and motivations.
While the comedic elements are present, the humor can come off as forced in certain exchanges, particularly with Sea Otter's comments. The jokes about drug dealing may not resonate with all viewers and could risk alienating the audience if not handled with care.
The contrast between the characters' lack of seriousness and Jordan's ambition is clear, but it could be emphasized further. The scene could benefit from more moments that highlight Jordan's determination and vision, making his recruitment of these 'absolute morons' feel more strategic rather than purely opportunistic.
The transition from the diner to the bullpen is abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative, allowing the audience to better understand the progression of Jordan's journey and the evolution of his team.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene lacks the sharpness and wit that could elevate the banter among the characters. For instance, Sea Otter's anecdote about selling weed to an Amish man feels flat and doesn't contribute much to the overall narrative or character development.
The scene could benefit from a clearer objective for Jordan. While he is recruiting his friends, the stakes of this recruitment are not fully articulated. What does he hope to achieve with this group, and how does he plan to leverage their backgrounds?
The humor in the scene feels disjointed. While the characters are meant to be comedic, the jokes do not land effectively. For example, Chester's line about selling weed to nuns could be more impactful if it tied back to a larger theme or character motivation.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character motivations, making him a fitting choice to critique the dialogue and objectives in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the dialogue to make it sharper and more impactful, particularly in the exchanges between Sea Otter and Chester?
What specific stakes can I introduce for Jordan in this recruitment scene to create a stronger narrative drive?
How can I better integrate humor into the scene while ensuring it serves the overall character development and plot?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene lacks a strong emotional arc. While it introduces Jordan's friends, it doesn't delve into their motivations or how they feel about joining him. Adding emotional depth could make the recruitment more compelling.
The transition from the diner to the bullpen feels abrupt. It would be beneficial to create a smoother flow between these locations, perhaps by using Jordan's voiceover to bridge the gap and reflect on the significance of this transition.
The character dynamics among Jordan and his friends could be explored further. For example, how does Jordan's ambition affect his relationships with them? Are there underlying tensions or rivalries that could be highlighted?

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to deepen the emotional arc of the scene, particularly regarding Jordan's relationships with his friends?
How can I create a smoother transition between the diner and the bullpen to enhance the narrative flow?
What specific character dynamics should I explore to add complexity to Jordan's recruitment of his friends?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear conflict that drives the narrative forward. While there is humor, it doesn't create tension or stakes that engage the audience. Consider introducing a challenge or obstacle that Jordan faces in convincing his friends to join him.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The comedic elements could be interspersed with moments of tension or seriousness to create a more dynamic rhythm.
The visual storytelling could be enhanced. The scene primarily relies on dialogue, but incorporating more visual elements that reflect the characters' personalities and the stakes of their decisions would strengthen the impact.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and conflict, making him well-suited to critique the narrative drive and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I introduce a clear conflict in this scene to create tension and engage the audience?
What pacing techniques can I employ to balance the comedic elements with moments of seriousness?
How can I enhance the visual storytelling in this scene to better reflect the characters' personalities and the stakes involved?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to ensure each character's lines contribute to the overall narrative and character development. Aim for more cohesive exchanges that build on each other.
Incorporate more visual storytelling elements to complement the voiceover. Show Jordan's expressions and reactions to his friends' antics to convey his thoughts without relying solely on narration.
Evaluate the comedic timing and content of the jokes. Ensure that humor serves the story and character development, and consider using humor that aligns more closely with the overall tone of the film.
Add moments that showcase Jordan's ambition and strategic thinking, perhaps through his reactions to his friends' comments or by illustrating how he plans to leverage their skills in the brokerage world.
Create a more seamless transition between the diner and the bullpen by using a visual cue or a brief moment that connects the two settings, reinforcing the narrative flow and Jordan's journey.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to include sharper, more impactful exchanges. For example, instead of Sea Otter's anecdote, consider a more relevant story that ties into the theme of ambition and wealth.
Clarify Jordan's objective in recruiting his friends. Perhaps he could express a specific vision for their future together, creating a sense of urgency and purpose.
Enhance the humor by ensuring that each joke ties back to a character's motivation or the overarching theme of the scene.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character motivation can help refine the scene's exchanges and objectives.

Questions for AI

What specific examples of sharper dialogue can I incorporate to enhance the exchanges between characters?
How can I articulate Jordan's vision for his friends more clearly to create a sense of urgency?
What types of humor can I use that would resonate more with the characters' motivations?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce an emotional arc by exploring the motivations of Jordan's friends. Perhaps include a moment where they express their doubts or aspirations, adding depth to their characters.
Create a smoother transition between the diner and the bullpen by using Jordan's voiceover to reflect on the significance of this recruitment and what it means for his future.
Highlight the dynamics among the group by including subtle tensions or rivalries that could emerge as they discuss their past experiences.

Linda Seger's focus on emotional arcs and character relationships can help deepen the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to explore the emotional motivations of Jordan's friends more deeply?
How can I effectively use voiceover to bridge the transition between locations?
What specific tensions or rivalries can I introduce to enhance the dynamics among the group?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear conflict by presenting a challenge that Jordan faces in convincing his friends to join him. This could be a moment of doubt or a competing interest that threatens their loyalty.
Adjust the pacing by interspersing comedic moments with serious reflections on the consequences of their choices, creating a more dynamic rhythm.
Incorporate visual storytelling elements that reflect the characters' personalities, such as their body language or the setting, to enhance the narrative.

Robert McKee's expertise in conflict and pacing can provide valuable insights for enhancing the scene's narrative drive.

Questions for AI

What specific conflicts can I introduce to create tension in Jordan's recruitment of his friends?
How can I adjust the pacing to balance humor with serious moments effectively?
What visual elements can I incorporate to better reflect the characters' personalities and the stakes of their decisions?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Manipulative, Persuasive

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Intense atmosphere
Effective character development

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Focus on manipulation over genuine connection

General Critique

The scene effectively captures Jordan's disdain for his colleagues, using humor and sarcasm to convey his superiority complex. However, the derogatory descriptions can come off as excessive and may alienate the audience from Jordan's character. Balancing this with moments that show his vulnerability or internal conflict could create a more nuanced portrayal.
The transition from Jordan's voiceover to the live action is smooth, but the voiceover could benefit from more emotional depth. Instead of solely focusing on his colleagues' incompetence, incorporating Jordan's own insecurities or fears about his leadership could add layers to his character.
The instructional tone of Jordan's speech to his brokers is engaging, but it risks feeling didactic. To maintain audience interest, consider interspersing more dynamic interactions among the brokers, showcasing their reactions and questions, which would create a more lively atmosphere.
The use of military metaphors (e.g., 'carpet-bombing' vs. 'laser-guided smart-bombs') is clever and fits the high-stakes environment of Wall Street. However, it might be beneficial to explore more varied metaphors or analogies that reflect Jordan's personality and the unique culture of Stratton Oakmont.
The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the repetitive elements in Jordan's instructions. For instance, the emphasis on urgency is crucial, but reiterating it multiple times could be streamlined to maintain momentum.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively uses Jordan's voiceover to convey his disdain for his colleagues, which sets a strong tone of superiority and manipulation. However, the derogatory terms used to describe his colleagues could be perceived as excessive and may detract from the audience's ability to connect with Jordan as a protagonist.
The transition from the voiceover to the live action where Jordan addresses his brokers is well-executed, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. Instead of overtly stating the strategy, consider showing Jordan's charisma and persuasive skills through a more dynamic interaction with the brokers.
The use of military metaphors to describe sales tactics is clever, but it risks alienating viewers who may not resonate with such comparisons. Simplifying the language while maintaining the metaphor could enhance clarity.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the dialogue be adjusted to maintain Jordan's superiority without making him seem overly contemptuous of his colleagues?
What techniques can be used to convey subtext in Jordan's speech to his brokers, allowing for a more engaging interaction?
How can military metaphors be simplified while still retaining their impact in the context of sales tactics?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing Jordan's ambition and his desire to reshape his team, but it could delve deeper into the emotional stakes. What does Jordan feel about his colleagues beyond disdain? Exploring his motivations could add depth to his character.
The concept of urgency in sales is crucial, but the scene could benefit from a more personal anecdote or example from Jordan's past that illustrates why this tactic is essential to him. This would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially during the transition from the voiceover to the live action. Slowing down the rhythm could allow for more impactful moments, particularly when Jordan writes 'URGENCY' on the board.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What emotional stakes can be introduced to deepen Jordan's character beyond his disdain for his colleagues?
How can a personal anecdote be woven into Jordan's pitch to illustrate the importance of urgency in sales?
What techniques can be employed to adjust the pacing of the scene for greater impact?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively establishes Jordan's authority and ambition, but it lacks a clear dramatic conflict. While Jordan is confident, the absence of any challenge or opposition makes the scene feel flat. Introducing a skeptical broker or a challenging question could heighten tension.
The visual elements, such as the dry erase board, are strong, but they could be used more creatively to illustrate Jordan's points. For example, incorporating visuals that represent the 'wealthiest one percent' could enhance the audience's understanding of his target market.
The dialogue is informative but could be more engaging. Consider adding moments of humor or unexpected reactions from the brokers to break the tension and make the scene more dynamic.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic conflict, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the tension and engagement in this scene.

Questions for AI

What kind of dramatic conflict could be introduced to elevate the tension in Jordan's presentation to his brokers?
How can visual elements be creatively utilized to enhance the audience's understanding of Jordan's sales strategy?
What techniques can be used to inject humor or unexpected reactions into the dialogue to make the scene more engaging?

General Suggestions

Introduce a moment of self-reflection for Jordan, perhaps a fleeting thought about his own rise to power or the moral implications of his actions, to create a more complex character.
Incorporate reactions from the brokers during Jordan's speech to break up the monologue and provide a sense of camaraderie or tension among the team, enhancing the scene's dynamism.
Consider varying the tone of Jordan's voiceover to reflect different emotions, such as frustration or ambition, rather than maintaining a consistent sarcastic tone throughout.
Use visual storytelling to complement the dialogue; for example, showing the brokers' expressions or body language can convey their skepticism or enthusiasm without relying solely on words.
Experiment with the structure of the scene by interspersing flashbacks or quick cuts to past failures or successes of the brokers, which could provide context for Jordan's current strategy and enhance the stakes.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Refine the derogatory language used in Jordan's voiceover to maintain his superiority without alienating the audience. Consider using more nuanced language that conveys disdain while still allowing for some connection.
Incorporate more subtext into Jordan's dialogue with his brokers. Instead of explicitly stating the strategy, allow his charisma to shine through in a more dynamic exchange, perhaps by asking rhetorical questions that lead the brokers to the conclusions he wants.
Simplify the military metaphors while retaining their essence. For example, instead of 'carpet-bombing,' consider using 'scattershot' to convey a similar idea without losing clarity.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific language adjustments can be made to enhance Jordan's voiceover while keeping his character's contempt intact?
How can rhetorical questions be effectively integrated into Jordan's dialogue to create a more engaging interaction with his brokers?
What alternative metaphors could be used to convey Jordan's sales tactics without losing the military connotation?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce emotional stakes by exploring Jordan's feelings about his colleagues. Perhaps he feels a mix of disdain and a desire to prove himself as a leader, which could add complexity to his character.
Incorporate a personal anecdote that illustrates the importance of urgency in sales. This could be a brief story from Jordan's past that highlights a missed opportunity due to hesitation, creating a stronger emotional connection.
Adjust the pacing by allowing for pauses during key moments, especially when Jordan writes 'URGENCY' on the board. This could create a more dramatic effect and emphasize the importance of the concept.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional storytelling makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

What specific emotional stakes can be introduced to add complexity to Jordan's character in this scene?
How can a personal anecdote be effectively woven into Jordan's pitch to enhance the emotional connection with the audience?
What techniques can be used to create impactful pauses in the dialogue to emphasize key moments?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a skeptical broker during Jordan's presentation to create dramatic conflict. This character could challenge Jordan's ideas, forcing him to defend his strategies and adding tension to the scene.
Utilize the dry erase board more creatively by incorporating visuals that represent the wealthiest one percent, such as graphs or images of luxury items, to enhance the audience's understanding of Jordan's target market.
Inject moments of humor or unexpected reactions from the brokers to break the tension and make the scene more dynamic. This could involve a broker making a sarcastic comment or a humorous misunderstanding of Jordan's tactics.

Robert McKee's expertise in dramatic conflict and storytelling structure makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's tension and engagement.

Questions for AI

What kind of character could serve as a skeptical broker to introduce conflict in Jordan's presentation?
How can visuals on the dry erase board be designed to effectively communicate Jordan's target market to the audience?
What specific moments of humor could be added to the dialogue to enhance the scene's engagement?

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Manipulative, Confident

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled interactions
Realistic portrayal of brokerage environment

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Limited character development

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the escalating energy and chaos of the brokerage environment, showcasing Jordan's leadership and the growing success of Stratton Oakmont. However, the transition between the different time frames (April, May, June, and November) could be clearer to avoid confusion for the audience. Consider using visual cues or a more explicit narrative device to indicate the passage of time.
Jordan's dialogue is assertive and manipulative, which aligns with his character's persona. However, the repetition of similar phrases across different brokers could be streamlined to enhance the pacing. Each broker's pitch should feel distinct to showcase their individual styles and personalities, rather than blending into a single voice.
The use of voiceover could be more pronounced to provide insight into Jordan's thoughts and motivations during this pivotal moment. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the stakes involved in the sales process.
While the scene highlights the aggressive sales tactics employed by the brokers, it could benefit from a moment of reflection or doubt from one of the characters, particularly as they pitch potentially risky stocks. This would add depth and complexity to the characters, making them more relatable and human.
The scene's climax, where clients begin to agree to purchases, feels somewhat abrupt. Building tension leading up to this moment could enhance the payoff, perhaps by showing a particularly challenging client or a moment of doubt that is overcome.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and confrontational, which is effective for showcasing Jordan's aggressive sales tactics. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Jordan says, 'he doesn’t trust you! And he shouldn’t trust you, you’re a fucking salesman!' it reveals his understanding of the client's perspective but lacks a deeper emotional layer that could make the audience empathize with the client’s hesitation.
The transition between the different time frames (April, May, June, and November) is somewhat abrupt. It might be more effective to use visual cues or a voiceover to guide the audience through these changes, ensuring they understand the progression of Jordan's success and the growing size of the brokerage.
The scene could also explore the internal conflict of the brokers more. For example, how do they feel about the manipulative tactics they are employing? This could add depth to characters like Donnie and Sea Otter, who are shown pitching but not reflecting on the morality of their actions.

David Mamet is known for his sharp, dialogue-driven narratives that often explore themes of manipulation and power dynamics, making him an ideal expert for critiquing this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Jordan's dialogue to enhance emotional depth?
What are effective ways to visually indicate time progression in a scene without confusing the audience?
How can I better explore the internal conflicts of secondary characters like Donnie and Sea Otter?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively showcases the escalating success of Stratton Oakmont, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. While Jordan's confidence is palpable, the stakes for the brokers are not fully realized. What do they stand to lose or gain? Adding a moment of vulnerability or doubt could heighten the tension.
The use of multiple brokers pitching simultaneously is a strong visual choice, but it risks overwhelming the audience. Consider focusing on one or two key pitches that encapsulate the overall atmosphere, allowing for a more intimate connection with the characters.
The scene lacks a strong climax. While the brokers are making sales, there should be a moment of collective triumph or a setback that reinforces the stakes of their actions. This could be a significant sale that Jordan orchestrates or a client who unexpectedly declines.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and stakes of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a clearer emotional arc for the brokers in this scene?
What techniques can I use to maintain audience engagement during multiple simultaneous pitches?
How can I introduce a climax that reinforces the stakes of the brokers' actions?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The rapid-fire dialogue is a hallmark of this scene, but it could be even more dynamic. Consider incorporating interruptions or overlapping dialogue to create a sense of urgency and chaos that mirrors the high-stakes environment of the brokerage.
While the scene is focused on sales pitches, it could benefit from moments of character interaction that reveal more about the brokers' personalities. For instance, a brief exchange between Donnie and Sea Otter could provide comic relief and deepen their camaraderie.
The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could be enhanced by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. Introducing pauses or moments of silence after key lines could allow the weight of the words to resonate with the audience.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced, dialogue-heavy scripts that often explore complex characters and high-stakes situations, making him a fitting expert for this scene.

Questions for AI

What are effective techniques for creating overlapping dialogue to enhance urgency?
How can I incorporate character interactions to reveal more about the brokers' personalities?
What pacing strategies can I use to create impactful moments in dialogue?

General Suggestions

Introduce clearer visual markers or on-screen text to indicate the time shifts between April, May, June, and November, helping the audience follow the progression of events.
Differentiate each broker's pitch by giving them unique phrases or styles, ensuring that their individual personalities shine through in their dialogue.
Incorporate Jordan's internal monologue or voiceover to provide deeper insight into his mindset and the pressure he feels as the stakes rise.
Consider adding a moment of hesitation or moral conflict for one of the brokers during their pitches, which could create a more nuanced portrayal of the characters.
Build more tension before the clients agree to purchases by introducing a particularly difficult client or a moment of crisis that the brokers must navigate, enhancing the emotional payoff of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Add layers of subtext to Jordan's dialogue, perhaps by having him express a moment of doubt or insecurity about his methods, which could create a more complex character.
Use visual transitions or a voiceover to smoothly guide the audience through the time jumps, perhaps with a line like, 'As the months passed, the chaos only grew.'
Incorporate moments of reflection from the brokers, allowing them to express their thoughts on the ethics of their sales tactics, which could deepen the audience's connection to them.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character complexity makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively add subtext to Jordan's dialogue?
What are some creative ways to indicate time progression visually?
How can I develop the internal conflicts of the brokers in this scene?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a moment of vulnerability for the brokers, perhaps through a brief exchange that reveals their fears about the volatile nature of their work.
Focus on a couple of key pitches that encapsulate the atmosphere, allowing for deeper character exploration and audience connection.
Create a climactic moment in the scene, such as a major sale or a significant client rejection, to heighten the stakes and emotional impact.

Linda Seger's focus on emotional arcs and stakes makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to reveal vulnerability in the brokers?
How can I select key pitches to focus on for deeper character exploration?
What are effective ways to introduce a climax in this scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Incorporate overlapping dialogue to create a sense of urgency and chaos, reflecting the high-pressure environment of the brokerage.
Add character interactions that provide comic relief or reveal personal dynamics, such as a humorous exchange between Donnie and Sea Otter.
Vary the pacing of the dialogue by introducing pauses after key lines, allowing the weight of the words to resonate with the audience.

Aaron Sorkin's mastery of dialogue and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's energy and engagement.

Questions for AI

What are effective methods for creating overlapping dialogue?
How can I add character interactions to enhance the scene's dynamics?
What pacing techniques can I use to create impactful dialogue moments?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Outrageous, Sensational, Irreverent

Strengths

Vivid and engaging portrayal of characters and setting
Sharp and witty dialogue
Highly entertaining and shocking moments

Weaknesses

Excessive focus on debauchery may be off-putting to some viewers

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and celebratory atmosphere of Stratton Oakmont, showcasing Jordan's charisma and the wild culture of the brokerage firm. However, the reliance on spectacle, such as the marching band and strippers, may overshadow the character development and thematic depth. While it emphasizes Jordan's rise to fame, it risks reducing the narrative to mere excess without exploring the consequences of such behavior.
Jordan's dialogue is energetic and engaging, but it could benefit from more nuanced interactions with the brokers. The scene primarily focuses on his monologue, which, while entertaining, doesn't allow for much character interplay. This could make the brokers feel more like a backdrop rather than active participants in the celebration.
The introduction of Danielle and her decision to shave her head for breast implants is a provocative moment that reflects the absurdity of the culture at Stratton Oakmont. However, it may come off as exploitative without further context or commentary on the implications of such actions. This could be an opportunity to delve deeper into the motivations and feelings of the characters involved.
The voiceover at the end of the scene serves to highlight Jordan's growing legend status, but it feels somewhat detached from the action. Integrating his reflections more organically into the scene could enhance the emotional impact and provide a clearer connection between his internal thoughts and the external chaos.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of Stratton Oakmont, showcasing Jordan's charisma and the cult-like atmosphere he has created among the brokers. However, the stakes could be heightened by emphasizing the consequences of their actions. For instance, while the celebration is wild, it would be more impactful if there were hints of the impending legal troubles that loom over them, creating dramatic irony.
Jordan's dialogue is punchy and engaging, but it lacks depth in terms of character development. While he is portrayed as a confident leader, there is little exploration of his internal conflict or the moral implications of his actions. Adding a moment of self-reflection or doubt could add layers to his character.
The introduction of Danielle and her decision to shave her head for breast implants is shocking and humorous, but it could also be seen as objectifying. This moment could be reframed to highlight her agency or provide insight into her character, rather than just serving as a spectacle.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him a fitting choice to critique the scene's dramatic elements.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate dramatic irony into the celebration scene to foreshadow the consequences of Jordan's actions?
What techniques can I use to deepen Jordan's character and explore his internal conflicts during this celebratory moment?
How can I reframe Danielle's decision to shave her head to give her more agency and depth as a character?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene is visually dynamic and captures the excess of the Wall Street lifestyle, but it risks becoming a mere spectacle without emotional stakes. To enhance the emotional impact, consider incorporating reactions from the brokers that reflect their personal stakes in this success. How does this celebration affect their lives beyond the immediate thrill?
Jordan's voiceover at the end hints at his growing legend status, but it could be more effective if it contrasted with the reality of his situation. For example, juxtaposing the celebration with scenes of the fallout from their actions could create a more poignant commentary on the nature of success and excess.
The use of a marching band and strippers is visually striking, but it may detract from the focus on Jordan's leadership. Consider streamlining the visuals to maintain a tighter focus on Jordan's character and his influence over the brokers.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and emotional storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate emotional stakes for the brokers during the celebration to enhance the scene's impact?
What are some effective ways to juxtapose the celebration with the consequences of Jordan's actions to create a more poignant commentary?
How can I streamline the visuals in this scene to maintain a tighter focus on Jordan's character and leadership?

Critique by William Goldman

The dialogue is lively and captures the exuberance of the moment, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, while the brokers cheer, there could be underlying tension or doubt among them that isn't explicitly stated, adding complexity to the celebration.
The pacing of the scene is frenetic, which works well for the atmosphere, but it might be worth slowing down at key moments to allow the audience to absorb the significance of what is happening. For example, after announcing the gross commissions, a brief pause for reflection could heighten the moment.
The scene's humor is effective, but it risks overshadowing the darker themes of greed and excess. Balancing the humor with moments of seriousness could create a more nuanced portrayal of the characters' moral ambiguity.

William Goldman is renowned for his sharp dialogue and understanding of pacing, making him an ideal expert to critique the scene's dialogue and rhythm.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reveal underlying tensions among the brokers during the celebration?
What techniques can I use to slow down the pacing at key moments to enhance the significance of the announcements?
How can I balance the humor in the scene with moments of seriousness to create a more nuanced portrayal of the characters' moral ambiguity?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more dialogue from the brokers to create a sense of camaraderie and collective excitement. This would help to flesh out the ensemble and make the celebration feel more communal rather than solely focused on Jordan.
Explore the implications of Danielle's decision to shave her head more deeply. Perhaps include a brief moment where she expresses her thoughts or feelings about the act, which could add depth to her character and highlight the absurdity of the situation.
Incorporate moments of reflection from Jordan that connect his current success to the potential moral and ethical implications of his actions. This could create a more complex character arc and foreshadow the consequences of his lifestyle.
Consider using the voiceover to comment on the celebration in real-time rather than as a retrospective reflection. This could create a more immersive experience for the audience and enhance the tension between the celebration and the underlying issues of greed and excess.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Incorporate a moment of self-reflection for Jordan after the announcement of the gross commissions, perhaps showing him contemplating the cost of their success amidst the chaos.
Add a brief exchange between Jordan and Danielle that reveals her motivations for accepting the money for her head shave, giving her character more depth.
Foreshadow the impending legal troubles by including a subtle moment where a broker expresses concern about their practices, creating tension that contrasts with the celebration.

Robert McKee's focus on character depth and dramatic tension makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional weight.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to show Jordan's internal conflict during the celebration without disrupting the scene's energy?
How can I develop Danielle's character through her dialogue with Jordan to provide more insight into her motivations?
What techniques can I use to foreshadow the legal troubles in a subtle way that enhances the scene's tension?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a few lines of dialogue from brokers that express their personal stakes in the success, such as financial struggles or family pressures, to ground the celebration in emotional reality.
Consider adding a moment where Jordan acknowledges the risks of their actions, perhaps in a joking manner that hints at his awareness of the consequences.
Streamline the visuals by focusing on key elements that highlight Jordan's leadership, such as close-ups of his interactions with the brokers during the celebration.

Linda Seger's expertise in emotional storytelling and character arcs makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate dialogue that reflects the personal stakes of the brokers during the celebration?
What are some ways to subtly hint at Jordan's awareness of the risks involved in their actions during the celebration?
How can I effectively streamline the visuals to maintain focus on Jordan's character and leadership?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Revise the dialogue to include moments of subtext, where brokers express excitement but also hint at underlying doubts about their practices.
Slow down the pacing after Jordan announces the gross commissions, allowing for a moment of silence or reflection before the celebration erupts.
Balance the humor with moments that highlight the darker themes of greed, perhaps through a brief exchange that reveals the consequences of their actions.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions essential for refining the scene's tone and rhythm.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reveal underlying doubts among the brokers during the celebration?
What techniques can I use to create a moment of silence or reflection after the announcement to enhance the scene's impact?
How can I effectively balance the humor with darker themes to create a more nuanced portrayal of the characters?

Genres: Drama, Dark Comedy
Tone: Dark, Humorous, Satirical

Strengths

Dark humor
Cynical tone
Sharp dialogue
Exploration of consequences

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Limited character development

General Critique

The scene relies heavily on shock value and crude humor, which may alienate some viewers. While the depiction of the chaotic and morally questionable environment of Stratton Oakmont is consistent with the overall tone of the screenplay, the explicit nature of the content could detract from the narrative's depth and character development.
Jordan's voiceover provides a detached commentary on the events, which can create a sense of distance between the audience and the characters. This narrative style may work in some contexts, but here it risks trivializing serious issues such as mental health and the consequences of reckless behavior.
The transition from the explicit scene in the elevator to the introduction of Max Belfort feels abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the chaotic work environment with Jordan's family life, the tonal shift could be smoother to maintain narrative cohesion.
The character of Max Belfort is introduced with a humorous quirk (his British accent), but this could be developed further to provide more insight into his personality and relationship with Jordan. As it stands, he feels more like a caricature than a fully realized character.
The use of Polaroid inserts to depict Ben's wedding and subsequent death is visually striking but may come off as sensationalist. This approach could undermine the gravity of the subject matter, particularly suicide, which should be handled with care and sensitivity.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene employs a shocking juxtaposition of sexual acts and corporate culture, which is a bold choice. However, it risks alienating the audience if not handled with a clear narrative purpose. The introduction of Pam's character through Jordan's voiceover lacks depth; we need to understand her motivations and feelings beyond her sexual prowess.
Jordan's voiceover is humorous but can come off as misogynistic, which may detract from the audience's ability to empathize with him. The casual dismissal of Pam's character as merely a sexual object undermines the potential for a more nuanced portrayal.
The transition from the elevator scene to Jordan's office feels abrupt. It would benefit from a smoother narrative flow that connects the two settings more cohesively.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and exploration of power dynamics, making him a fitting choice to critique the interplay of language and character in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can we deepen Pam's character to provide more emotional weight to her actions in this scene?
What techniques can be used to balance humor and misogyny in Jordan's voiceover to maintain audience engagement?
How can we create a more seamless transition between the elevator scene and Jordan's office?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene's structure is effective in showcasing the chaotic environment of Stratton Oakmont, but it lacks a clear emotional arc. The introduction of Ben's tragic fate feels disconnected from the current events, making it seem like an afterthought rather than a foreshadowing.
The use of voiceover is prevalent, but it can be overused. Consider showing rather than telling; the audience should be able to infer the implications of the characters' actions without explicit narration.
Max's introduction is intriguing, but it feels like a separate narrative thread. Integrating his character more closely with the main action could enhance the scene's cohesion.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and coherence of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can we better integrate Ben's tragic fate into the current narrative to enhance foreshadowing?
What are effective ways to show character motivations through action rather than relying heavily on voiceover?
How can we create a stronger connection between Max's character and the main storyline?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue, particularly in the voiceover, is witty but could benefit from more dynamic exchanges between characters. The scene feels one-sided, primarily focusing on Jordan's perspective without giving other characters a voice.
The humor in the scene is sharp, but it risks trivializing serious themes such as mental health and the consequences of a toxic work environment. Balancing humor with gravity is crucial.
The pacing is uneven; the transition from the elevator to the office could be more energetic to match the chaotic tone of the brokers' celebration.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can we incorporate more dialogue between characters to create a more dynamic interaction?
What strategies can we use to balance humor with the serious implications of the characters' actions?
How can we enhance the pacing of the scene to maintain a high-energy atmosphere?

General Suggestions

Consider toning down the explicit content in the elevator scene to focus more on the implications of such behavior in a corporate environment. This could enhance the narrative's critique of Wall Street culture without relying solely on shock value.
Explore Jordan's emotional response to the events more deeply. Instead of a detached voiceover, consider incorporating moments of reflection that reveal his internal conflict regarding the lifestyle he promotes.
Smooth the transition between the elevator scene and the introduction of Max by adding a brief moment of reflection from Jordan that connects the two environments, perhaps highlighting the contrast between his chaotic work life and his family dynamics.
Develop Max's character further by providing more context about his relationship with Jordan. This could involve showing moments of tenderness or conflict that reveal their dynamic beyond just humor.
Reassess the use of Polaroid inserts. Instead of sensationalizing Ben's death, consider a more subtle approach that conveys the tragedy of his situation without reducing it to a mere visual gimmick.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Develop Pam's character further by including a brief moment where she expresses her thoughts or feelings about her situation, adding depth to her role.
Consider revising Jordan's voiceover to reflect a more complex view of women in the workplace, perhaps by contrasting his perspective with that of another character.
Create a more fluid transition between the elevator scene and Jordan's office by incorporating a shared reaction from the brokers that connects the two moments.

David Mamet's expertise in character complexity and dialogue makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What specific moments can we add to Pam's character to enhance her depth?
How can we revise Jordan's voiceover to present a more nuanced view of women in the workplace?
What techniques can we use to create a smoother transition between the two settings?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Revisit the structure of the scene to ensure that Ben's fate is woven into the narrative more effectively, perhaps by foreshadowing his struggles earlier in the scene.
Limit the use of voiceover and focus on visual storytelling; show the reactions of the brokers to the events unfolding rather than relying solely on narration.
Integrate Max's character more closely with the main action, perhaps by having him react to the chaos in the office, which would ground the scene.

Linda Seger's focus on narrative structure and character integration makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's coherence.

Questions for AI

How can we better foreshadow Ben's fate within the current narrative?
What visual storytelling techniques can we employ to reduce reliance on voiceover?
How can we create a stronger connection between Max and the main action of the scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Add dialogue exchanges between brokers to create a more dynamic atmosphere, allowing for a variety of perspectives on the events occurring.
Introduce a moment of gravity amidst the humor, perhaps by having a character express concern about the implications of their actions, which would add depth to the scene.
Increase the pacing by incorporating quick cuts or reactions from the brokers that match the chaotic energy of the celebration.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions essential for creating a more engaging and dynamic scene.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue can we add to create a more dynamic interaction among the brokers?
How can we introduce a moment of gravity without losing the humor of the scene?
What editing techniques can we use to enhance the pacing and energy of the scene?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Sarcastic, Cynical, Humorous

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Character dynamics
Humorous tone

Weaknesses

Excessive focus on extravagance may overshadow other plot elements

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the absurdity and moral depravity of Jordan and his colleagues, showcasing their lack of respect for others, particularly the dwarf. However, the humor derived from their discussions can come off as insensitive and may alienate some viewers. The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities, but it risks trivializing serious issues surrounding exploitation and objectification.
Jordan's character is portrayed as someone who wants to maintain a facade of respect while simultaneously engaging in dehumanizing behavior. This duality is interesting but could be explored further to deepen the character's complexity. The scene could benefit from more internal conflict for Jordan, as he navigates his desire for respect versus his willingness to exploit others for entertainment.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The rapid-fire dialogue works well for comedic effect, but it can also make it difficult for the audience to fully absorb the implications of their conversation. A few pauses or moments of reflection could enhance the impact of the dialogue and allow the audience to process the absurdity of the situation.
The introduction of Max Belfort adds a layer of familial conflict, but the transition from the dwarf discussion to Max's entrance feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's flow and build tension between Jordan and his father. Additionally, Max's character could be fleshed out further to provide more context for his outrage, making his confrontation with Jordan more impactful.
The voiceover from Jordan provides insight into his mindset, but it could be more focused. The commentary on the types of hookers feels disconnected from the main conflict of the scene. Streamlining the voiceover to tie it more closely to the current events would enhance coherence and thematic resonance.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and humorous, but it risks trivializing the serious issues surrounding the treatment of the dwarf. Jordan's flippant attitude towards the dwarf's potential harm undermines the gravity of the situation.
The character dynamics are engaging, particularly the banter between Jordan, Donnie, and Robbie. However, the humor could be balanced with moments of introspection or conflict to deepen the character development.
Jordan's insistence on treating the dwarf with respect contrasts with the absurdity of the conversation, creating a potential for dramatic irony. This could be emphasized further to highlight the moral ambiguity of the characters.

Sorkin is known for his witty dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him a fitting choice to critique the humor and character dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the dialogue be adjusted to maintain humor while also addressing the ethical implications of the characters' actions?
What techniques can be used to deepen character development in a comedic scene without losing the humor?
How can dramatic irony be effectively utilized in this scene to enhance the audience's understanding of the characters' moral dilemmas?

Critique by David Mamet

The scene's dialogue is fast-paced and captures the chaotic energy of the characters, but it could benefit from more subtext. The characters often state their intentions outright, which can reduce tension.
Jordan's character is established as a manipulator, yet the scene lacks a moment where his true motivations are revealed. A subtle hint at his deeper insecurities could add complexity.
The comedic elements, while entertaining, may distract from the underlying themes of exploitation and moral decay. A more serious undertone could enhance the impact of the humor.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext makes him well-suited to critique the scene's pacing and thematic depth.

Questions for AI

How can subtext be incorporated into the dialogue to create more tension and complexity in character interactions?
What are some effective ways to reveal a character's deeper motivations without explicit exposition?
How can the balance between humor and serious themes be achieved in a scene like this?

Critique by Greta Gerwig

The scene presents an opportunity to explore themes of power dynamics and objectification, particularly in how the characters discuss the dwarf. This could be more explicitly addressed to add depth.
While the humor is engaging, it risks alienating the audience if not handled with care. A moment of vulnerability or reflection from Jordan could humanize him and create a more relatable character.
The introduction of Max adds an interesting layer, but the transition from the dwarf discussion to the confrontation with Max feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene.

Gerwig's focus on character depth and thematic exploration makes her a valuable voice in critiquing the scene's handling of sensitive topics.

Questions for AI

How can the themes of power dynamics and objectification be more effectively woven into the dialogue?
What techniques can be used to create a moment of vulnerability for Jordan that would resonate with the audience?
How can transitions between different thematic elements in a scene be made smoother to maintain narrative flow?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of hesitation or guilt for Jordan when discussing the dwarf, which could create a more nuanced portrayal of his character and highlight the internal conflict between his desire for respect and his exploitative tendencies.
Introduce a character who challenges the group's views on the dwarf, providing a contrasting perspective that could lead to a more meaningful discussion about respect and exploitation.
Incorporate pauses or reactions from the characters during their dialogue to allow the audience to digest the absurdity of their conversation and the implications of their actions.
Create a more gradual transition between the dwarf discussion and Max's entrance, perhaps by having Jordan reflect on the absurdity of their plans before being interrupted by his father, which would heighten the tension and conflict.
Refine the voiceover to focus more on Jordan's feelings about the dwarf and the implications of their plans, rather than diverting into a commentary on hookers, which may detract from the main narrative.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Incorporate a moment where Jordan reflects on the implications of their plans for the dwarf, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a more serious exchange with Donnie.
Add a layer of conflict by introducing a character who opposes the idea of using the dwarf for entertainment, creating tension and forcing Jordan to confront his moral stance.
Use the humor to highlight the absurdity of the situation, but balance it with moments that reveal the characters' insecurities or fears.

Sorkin's emphasis on character development and conflict makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to integrate internal monologues into dialogue-heavy scenes?
How can opposing viewpoints be introduced in a way that enhances conflict without derailing the comedic tone?
What techniques can be used to reveal character insecurities through humor?

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing the characters' true feelings and motivations to emerge through their interactions rather than explicit statements.
Introduce a moment where Jordan's facade cracks, revealing his underlying fears about the dwarf's visit and how it reflects on his own insecurities.
Consider using pauses or interruptions in the dialogue to create tension and allow the audience to read between the lines.

Mamet's focus on subtext and tension makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

How can pauses in dialogue be effectively used to create tension and subtext?
What are some strategies for revealing character motivations through indirect dialogue?
How can the pacing of the scene be adjusted to enhance dramatic tension?

Suggestion by Greta Gerwig

Explore the power dynamics in the scene by having Jordan express a moment of doubt or concern about how the dwarf will perceive their actions, adding complexity to his character.
Create a more gradual transition between the dwarf discussion and Max's entrance, perhaps by having Jordan reflect on his father's expectations regarding respect and responsibility.
Incorporate a moment where the characters acknowledge the absurdity of their plans, allowing for a brief pause in the humor to highlight the seriousness of their actions.

Gerwig's emphasis on character complexity and thematic exploration makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

How can character doubts be effectively integrated into comedic scenes to add depth?
What techniques can be used to create smoother transitions between different thematic elements?
How can moments of reflection be balanced with humor to maintain audience engagement?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Celebratory, Confident, Humorous

Strengths

Charismatic dialogue
Captivating character interactions
Engaging setting

Weaknesses

Lack of deep emotional impact
Minimal character development

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the hedonistic and chaotic atmosphere of Jordan's world, showcasing his charisma and the loyalty of his brokers. However, the humor derived from Kimmie's laziness and the playful banter could risk trivializing the serious consequences of their actions, which might detract from the overall narrative arc.
Jordan's speech is energetic and engaging, but it lacks depth in terms of character development. While it highlights his leadership style, it doesn't reveal much about his internal conflicts or the moral implications of his lifestyle, which could enhance the audience's connection to his character.
The use of the phrase 'benevolent dictator' in the description of Jordan's demeanor is apt, but it could be further emphasized through visual cues or actions that illustrate his control over the crowd. This would reinforce the theme of power dynamics within the brokerage firm.
The transition from the celebratory atmosphere to the serious undertones of their business dealings could be more pronounced. The line about becoming underwriters hints at future consequences, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the celebratory tone of the speech. A stronger bridge between these elements could enhance the scene's impact.
The crowd's reaction is enthusiastic, but it could benefit from more varied responses to Jordan's speech. Including a few skeptical or concerned faces in the crowd could add layers to the scene, highlighting the tension between the brokers' loyalty to Jordan and the potential consequences of their reckless behavior.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is punchy and reflects the high-energy atmosphere of the celebration, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Jordan calls out Kimmie for being lazy and stealing, it serves as comic relief but also hints at underlying tensions within the group. This could be deepened by exploring Kimmie's reaction more, perhaps showing her discomfort or resentment.
Jordan's speech is charismatic, but it lacks a moment of vulnerability or conflict that could make him more relatable. Consider adding a line where he acknowledges the sacrifices made by his team or the risks they face, which would add depth to his character.
The crowd's reaction is enthusiastic, but it feels somewhat one-dimensional. Adding individual reactions from specific brokers could enhance the scene, showcasing their personalities and how they respond to Jordan's leadership.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Jordan's dialogue to reveal deeper character motivations?
What techniques can I use to show the crowd's diverse reactions to Jordan's speech, rather than a uniform response?
How can I balance Jordan's charismatic persona with moments of vulnerability to create a more complex character?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively captures the hedonistic culture of Stratton Oakmont, but it could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. What is the central message or takeaway from this celebration? Is it merely about excess, or is there a deeper commentary on the consequences of their lifestyle?
While the visual elements are strong, consider how the setting can reflect the emotional stakes of the scene. For example, the beach house and pool could symbolize both luxury and the superficiality of their success, which could be emphasized through Jordan's speech.
The transition from the balcony to the crowd could be smoother. Perhaps include a moment where Jordan looks out over the crowd, reflecting on his journey before diving into the speech, which would create a stronger emotional connection.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and thematic development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's thematic depth.

Questions for AI

What thematic elements should I emphasize to give this celebration scene a deeper meaning?
How can I use the setting of the beach house to reflect the emotional stakes of the characters?
What techniques can I employ to create a smoother transition between Jordan's speech and the crowd's reaction?

Critique by Shonda Rhimes

The scene has a strong sense of energy, but it could benefit from more character development for the supporting cast. For instance, Kimmie's reaction to Jordan's jab could be expanded to show her personality and how she fits into the group dynamic.
Jordan's leadership style is evident, but consider adding a moment where he interacts with a specific broker in the crowd, showcasing his influence and the personal relationships he has built. This could add layers to his character and highlight the stakes of his leadership.
The celebration feels somewhat chaotic, which is fitting, but it might help to include a moment of calm or reflection amidst the chaos. This could serve to contrast the wildness of the party with the underlying tensions in Jordan's life.

Shonda Rhimes is known for her character-driven storytelling and ability to create complex relationships, making her perspective valuable for enhancing character dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I develop Kimmie's character further to enhance the group dynamic during the celebration?
What specific interactions can I include between Jordan and other brokers to showcase his leadership style?
How can I incorporate a moment of calm or reflection to contrast with the chaotic celebration?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of introspection for Jordan during the speech, where he briefly reflects on the cost of their lifestyle or the risks involved, which would add depth to his character and the scene.
Incorporate more physical actions from the crowd that reflect their excitement and loyalty, such as cheers, high-fives, or even a few brokers expressing doubt or concern, to create a more dynamic atmosphere.
Enhance the visual elements of the scene by describing the opulence of the beach house and the luxury cars in more detail, which would further emphasize the excesses of Jordan's lifestyle.
Introduce a moment where Kimmie or another broker challenges Jordan's authority or questions his statements, even if it's in a joking manner. This could create a more balanced dynamic and foreshadow potential conflicts within the group.
Consider ending the scene with a more poignant line or action that hints at the impending consequences of their lifestyle, perhaps through a visual cue or a brief moment of silence before the crowd erupts again, creating a contrast between celebration and the underlying tension.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Add a moment where Kimmie reacts to Jordan's jab, perhaps showing her annoyance or defiance, which would add complexity to their relationship.
Incorporate a line in Jordan's speech that acknowledges the risks and sacrifices of the brokers, making him more relatable and grounded.
Include individual reactions from specific brokers in the crowd to create a richer tapestry of responses to Jordan's leadership.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help enhance the emotional depth and complexity of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to show Kimmie's character through her reaction to Jordan's speech?
How can I craft a line for Jordan that balances his bravado with a moment of humility?
What techniques can I use to highlight the diversity of reactions from the crowd during Jordan's speech?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the thematic focus of the scene by incorporating a line that hints at the consequences of their lifestyle, perhaps foreshadowing future events.
Use the beach house setting to symbolize both luxury and superficiality, perhaps by having Jordan reflect on what this success means to him personally.
Create a smoother transition by including a moment where Jordan looks out over the crowd, reflecting on his journey before diving into his speech.

Linda Seger's focus on thematic development can help ensure the scene resonates on a deeper level.

Questions for AI

What thematic elements should I emphasize to give this celebration scene a deeper meaning?
How can I use the beach house setting to reflect the emotional stakes of the characters?
What techniques can I employ to create a smoother transition between Jordan's speech and the crowd's reaction?

Suggestion by Shonda Rhimes

Expand Kimmie's character by showing her reaction to Jordan's comment, which could reveal her personality and add tension to the scene.
Include a specific interaction between Jordan and a broker in the crowd to showcase his influence and the personal relationships he has built.
Incorporate a moment of calm or reflection amidst the chaos of the celebration, perhaps through a brief pause in the festivities where Jordan contemplates his success.

Shonda Rhimes' expertise in character-driven storytelling can help deepen the relationships and emotional stakes in the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I develop Kimmie's character further to enhance the group dynamic during the celebration?
What specific interactions can I include between Jordan and other brokers to showcase his leadership style?
How can I incorporate a moment of calm or reflection to contrast with the chaotic celebration?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Humorous, Sarcastic, Seductive

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Vibrant characters
Setting up conflicts and dynamics effectively

Weaknesses

Potential for stereotypical portrayals of wealth and excess

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the hedonistic atmosphere of the beach house party, showcasing the excesses of Jordan's lifestyle. However, the dialogue can feel a bit disjointed at times, particularly with the rapid shifts between characters and their interactions. This could be streamlined to enhance clarity and flow.
Jordan's character is well-established as a charismatic leader, but the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of his motivations. While he is focused on impressing Naomi, the stakes of his actions could be heightened to create more tension and urgency.
The introduction of Naomi is visually striking, but her internal monologue feels somewhat disconnected from the action. Integrating her thoughts more seamlessly into the scene could enhance her character development and provide a clearer contrast to Jordan's perspective.
The comedic elements, particularly Donnie's antics, add levity to the scene, but they risk overshadowing the more serious undertones of Jordan's obsession with wealth and status. Balancing humor with the darker themes of the narrative could create a more nuanced portrayal of the characters.
The scene ends with a strong visual of Jordan being hooked by Naomi, but it could benefit from a more explicit emotional or thematic connection to the overall narrative. This would help reinforce the significance of this moment in Jordan's journey.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Jordan's aggressive ambition and Donnie's comedic oblivion. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext in the interactions, especially between Jordan and Naomi. Their initial meeting feels a bit too straightforward; adding layers of tension or competition could enhance the stakes.
The introduction of Naomi is visually striking, but her internal voiceover feels somewhat disconnected from the action. It would be more impactful if her thoughts were woven into the dialogue or interactions with Jordan, creating a more dynamic exchange.
The chaotic party atmosphere is well-established, but the transition from the drug-fueled banter to the introduction of Naomi could be smoother. The abrupt shift in focus might confuse the audience about where to direct their attention.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into the dialogue between Jordan and Naomi to enhance their initial interaction?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between the chaotic party atmosphere and the introduction of a new character like Naomi?
How can I better integrate Naomi's internal thoughts with her dialogue to create a more dynamic character introduction?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively captures the hedonistic lifestyle of the characters, but it risks becoming too indulgent without a clear narrative purpose. It's important to ensure that every moment serves the story's progression, especially as we introduce Naomi.
Naomi's introduction is pivotal, yet her character motivation could be clearer. While her voiceover provides some background, it doesn't fully convey her desires or how they align with Jordan's ambitions. This could lead to a more compelling dynamic.
The use of humor, particularly through Donnie's antics, is effective, but it might overshadow the more serious undertones of the characters' motivations. Balancing humor with the gravity of their actions could enhance the scene's impact.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for ensuring that the scene serves the overall narrative effectively.

Questions for AI

How can I ensure that the indulgent aspects of the scene serve the overall narrative and character development?
What strategies can I use to clarify Naomi's motivations and desires in her introduction to make her character more compelling?
How can I balance the humor in the scene with the serious undertones of the characters' actions and motivations?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene is rich in visual and sensory detail, effectively immersing the audience in the party atmosphere. However, the stakes for Jordan need to be clearer. What does he stand to gain or lose in this moment? Establishing a more defined goal could heighten the tension.
The conflict introduced by Donnie's inappropriate behavior is a strong comedic element, but it could also serve as a catalyst for Jordan's character development. How does this moment reflect on Jordan's values or foreshadow future consequences?
Naomi's presence should create a shift in Jordan's focus and priorities. Consider how her introduction could disrupt the existing dynamics among the characters, particularly with Teresa's watchful eye.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and character arcs, making him well-suited to critique the scene's stakes and character dynamics.

Questions for AI

What specific goals can I establish for Jordan in this scene to increase the stakes and tension?
How can I use Donnie's behavior to reflect on Jordan's character and foreshadow future consequences?
In what ways can Naomi's introduction disrupt the existing dynamics among the characters, particularly regarding Jordan and Teresa?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to improve pacing and coherence, ensuring that each character's lines contribute to the overall flow of the scene.
Explore Jordan's internal conflict more deeply, perhaps through additional voiceover or visual cues that highlight his obsession with Naomi and the lengths he is willing to go to win her over.
Integrate Naomi's internal thoughts more fluidly into the scene, perhaps by using her observations to comment on the absurdity of the party and the characters around her.
Balance the comedic elements with the darker themes by allowing moments of reflection for Jordan amidst the chaos, showcasing the consequences of his lifestyle even in celebratory settings.
Enhance the emotional stakes of the scene by foreshadowing the impact of Jordan's obsession with Naomi on his relationships and future decisions, creating a stronger thematic connection to the overall narrative.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue between Jordan and Naomi to include more subtext, perhaps by having them engage in a playful yet competitive banter that hints at their underlying motivations.
Integrate Naomi's internal thoughts more seamlessly into the dialogue, allowing her to express her ambitions and desires through her interactions with Jordan rather than relying solely on voiceover.
Create a more gradual transition from the party atmosphere to Naomi's introduction, perhaps by having Jordan's attention shift from the game to her presence in a more organic way.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character interaction makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I add to enhance the subtext in the dialogue between Jordan and Naomi?
How can I effectively weave Naomi's internal thoughts into her dialogue with Jordan?
What techniques can I use to create a more organic transition from the party to Naomi's introduction?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Ensure that every moment in the scene serves a narrative purpose by tying the indulgent aspects of the party back to Jordan's character arc and the story's themes.
Clarify Naomi's motivations by adding a line or two that hints at her ambitions or desires, making her character more relatable and compelling from the outset.
Balance the humor in the scene with moments of reflection or seriousness, perhaps by having Jordan momentarily consider the implications of his lifestyle as he interacts with Naomi.

Linda Seger's focus on narrative purpose and character motivation makes her suggestions valuable for ensuring the scene's effectiveness.

Questions for AI

How can I tie the indulgent aspects of the party back to Jordan's character arc and the overall narrative?
What specific lines can I add to clarify Naomi's motivations and desires in her introduction?
What techniques can I use to balance humor with serious undertones in the scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Define Jordan's goals more clearly in this scene, perhaps by having him articulate what he hopes to achieve with Naomi's attention or the IPO plans.
Use Donnie's behavior as a moment of reflection for Jordan, allowing him to consider the consequences of their lifestyle and how it might affect his pursuit of Naomi.
Create a moment where Naomi's presence disrupts the dynamics among the characters, perhaps by having her challenge Jordan's assumptions or draw attention to his relationship with Teresa.

Robert McKee's expertise in character arcs and stakes makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's tension and impact.

Questions for AI

What specific goals can I establish for Jordan to increase the stakes in this scene?
How can I use Donnie's behavior to prompt a moment of reflection for Jordan regarding his lifestyle?
What ways can I create a disruption in the dynamics among the characters with Naomi's introduction?

Genres: Drama, Romance
Tone: Romantic, Seductive, Tense

Strengths

Strong character development
Emotional depth
Romantic tension

Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Focus on internal struggles

General Critique

The scene effectively establishes the chemistry between Jordan and Naomi, using flirtation and humor to create a sense of tension and attraction. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while it is playful, it often feels surface-level and could delve deeper into their characters' motivations and desires.
Jordan's internal monologue provides insight into his thoughts and feelings, but it sometimes detracts from the immediacy of the scene. The voiceover could be used more sparingly to allow the visual storytelling and dialogue to carry the emotional weight.
The transition from the restaurant to the car and then to Naomi's apartment is smooth, but the pacing could be tightened. The scene could benefit from a more dynamic rhythm, perhaps by interspersing more action or physicality between the dialogue exchanges.
The introduction of the dog, Rocky, adds a layer of domesticity to Naomi's character, but it could be used more effectively to contrast with Jordan's chaotic lifestyle. This could enhance the thematic tension between their worlds.
The climax of the scene, where Jordan's guilt clashes with his desire, is impactful but could be heightened. The moment he receives the message from Teresa feels rushed; building more tension before this moment could amplify the stakes and emotional conflict.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Syd Field

The scene effectively establishes the romantic tension between Jordan and Naomi, but it could benefit from deeper character development. For instance, Naomi's background is introduced, but her motivations and desires remain somewhat vague. What does she seek in this relationship beyond physical attraction?
Jordan's internal conflict is hinted at with his guilt over his wife, but this could be more pronounced. The juxtaposition of his desire for Naomi and his commitment to Teresa could be explored further to heighten the stakes.
The dialogue is witty and engaging, but it sometimes feels too on-the-nose. For example, Jordan's line about Naomi being a 'Duchess' could be more subtly woven into the conversation to avoid feeling forced.

Syd Field is known for his emphasis on structure and character development, making him suitable for analyzing the emotional and narrative depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can we deepen Naomi's character in this scene to make her motivations clearer?
What techniques can be used to enhance the internal conflict Jordan feels about his marriage while maintaining the flirtatious tone?
How can we make the dialogue feel more natural and less scripted, particularly in the exchanges between Jordan and Naomi?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of setting a romantic atmosphere, but it lacks a clear dramatic arc. The stakes feel low, as the audience knows Jordan's intentions are not genuine. This could be improved by introducing a moment of vulnerability for either character that raises the stakes.
Naomi's introduction of her lingerie designs is a clever way to showcase her character, but it could be tied more closely to the theme of seduction and manipulation that runs throughout the script. How does her profession reflect her relationship with Jordan?
The transition from the restaurant to the car feels abrupt. A moment of reflection or a shared joke could help bridge the two locations and maintain the flow of the scene.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and thematic development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What elements can be added to raise the stakes in this scene and create a more compelling dramatic arc?
How can Naomi's profession be more effectively tied to the themes of seduction and manipulation present in the script?
What transitional elements could enhance the flow between the restaurant and the car scenes?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene captures the essence of seduction well, but it could benefit from a stronger sense of conflict. Jordan's internal struggle is present, but external conflicts could be introduced, such as a moment where Naomi challenges Jordan's intentions more directly.
The use of voiceover is effective in conveying Jordan's thoughts, but it can also distance the audience from the immediate action. Consider showing his internal conflict through his actions and expressions rather than relying heavily on voiceover.
The humor in the scene is a nice touch, but it sometimes undermines the tension. Balancing the comedic elements with the seriousness of Jordan's infidelity could create a more impactful scene.

Robert McKee is renowned for his focus on conflict and character motivation, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the dramatic tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can we introduce external conflicts in this scene to heighten the tension between Jordan and Naomi?
What techniques can be used to show Jordan's internal conflict through his actions instead of relying on voiceover?
How can we balance the humor with the serious themes of infidelity and guilt to create a more impactful scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing the characters to reveal their true feelings and intentions without stating them outright. This can create a richer interaction and deepen the audience's engagement.
Use Jordan's voiceover more strategically, focusing on key moments that enhance the emotional stakes rather than narrating every thought. This will allow the dialogue and actions to resonate more powerfully.
Incorporate more physical actions or gestures during the dialogue to create a more dynamic scene. For example, have Jordan fidget or exhibit nervous energy as he grapples with his guilt, which can visually represent his internal conflict.
Explore the relationship between Jordan and Rocky further. Perhaps Jordan's interaction with the dog could serve as a moment of reflection on his own life choices, contrasting the innocence of the pet with his morally ambiguous actions.
Build more tension leading up to the moment of infidelity. Consider extending the dialogue or adding a moment of hesitation before Jordan receives the message from Teresa, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his decision more acutely.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Syd Field

Add a moment where Naomi reveals a personal story or aspiration that gives insight into her character, making her more relatable and complex.
Enhance Jordan's internal conflict by showing him hesitating before responding to Naomi's flirtation, perhaps through a brief flashback to his life with Teresa.
Rework the dialogue to incorporate more subtext, allowing the audience to infer the characters' feelings rather than stating them outright.

Syd Field's focus on character depth and subtext makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific personal story could Naomi share to deepen her character in this scene?
How can we visually represent Jordan's hesitation to respond to Naomi's flirtation?
What techniques can be used to create subtext in the dialogue between Jordan and Naomi?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a moment of vulnerability for either Jordan or Naomi that raises the stakes and adds depth to their interaction.
Connect Naomi's lingerie designs to the themes of seduction by having her discuss how her designs empower women, creating a parallel to her relationship with Jordan.
Create a smoother transition between the restaurant and the car by including a shared moment or joke that reflects their chemistry.

Linda Seger's expertise in thematic development and character arcs makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional resonance of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific moment of vulnerability could be introduced to raise the stakes in this scene?
How can we frame Naomi's discussion of her lingerie designs to reflect the themes of empowerment and seduction?
What kind of shared moment or joke could enhance the transition between the restaurant and the car?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a moment where Naomi directly questions Jordan's intentions, creating an external conflict that heightens the tension.
Limit the voiceover and instead show Jordan's internal conflict through his body language and facial expressions, particularly during key moments of flirtation.
Balance the humor by incorporating a moment of seriousness, such as a brief pause where Jordan reflects on his guilt before continuing the flirtation.

Robert McKee's focus on conflict and character motivation makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the dramatic tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific line or moment could Naomi use to challenge Jordan's intentions and create external conflict?
How can we visually depict Jordan's internal conflict without relying heavily on voiceover?
What kind of serious moment could be introduced to balance the humor and enhance the emotional weight of the scene?

Genres: Drama, Romance
Tone: Dramatic, Intense, Emotional

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character dynamics
Tension building

Weaknesses

Potentially cliched elements
Lack of external action

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and hedonistic lifestyle of Jordan and Naomi, showcasing their relationship's volatility. The juxtaposition of the romantic dinner setting with the shocking revelation of the orgy creates a strong contrast that heightens the drama.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset, but it could be more reflective. Instead of just stating facts, it could delve deeper into his emotional conflict regarding his infidelity and the consequences of his actions.
The dialogue between Jordan and Teresa is impactful, but it feels somewhat rushed. The emotional weight of Teresa's heartbreak could be expanded upon to create a more profound connection with the audience. This would enhance the stakes of Jordan's choices.
The transition from the intimate dinner to the chaotic orgy is abrupt. While this serves to shock the audience, it may benefit from a more gradual build-up or foreshadowing to make the revelation feel more earned.
The character of Nicholas, the butler, is introduced but not fully developed. His role in the story could be expanded to add depth to the narrative, perhaps by hinting at his motivations or background, which would make the betrayal more impactful.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan and Teresa, but it could benefit from sharper, more concise exchanges. For instance, Teresa's line, 'That whore from the party?' could be more impactful if it were delivered with a stronger emotional punch, perhaps by emphasizing her disbelief and hurt.
The juxtaposition of the intimate moment in the limousine with the confrontation outside creates a strong contrast, but the transition could be smoother. Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that highlights the shift from pleasure to pain.
Jordan's internal conflict is evident, but his silence when Teresa asks if he loves Naomi could be more pronounced. A physical reaction, such as a flinch or a moment of hesitation, would enhance the emotional weight of the moment.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character conflict, making him an ideal expert to critique the emotional and verbal dynamics of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional impact of Teresa's confrontation with Jordan? Are there specific techniques to make her dialogue more powerful?
What are some effective ways to transition between contrasting emotional states in a scene, particularly when moving from intimacy to conflict?
How can I visually represent Jordan's internal conflict during his silence when Teresa asks about his feelings for Naomi?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively showcases the consequences of Jordan's actions, but it could benefit from deeper character development for Teresa. Providing a glimpse into her backstory or motivations could make her confrontation with Jordan more resonant.
The use of voiceover is a strong choice, but it might be more effective if it were interspersed with visual moments that reflect Jordan's emotional state. For example, showing him looking at the flowers in Naomi's apartment could symbolize his conflicting feelings.
The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly during the transition from the limousine to the apartment. Slowing down the moment when Teresa confronts Jordan could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully absorb the emotional stakes.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to deepen Teresa's character and make her confrontation with Jordan more impactful?
How can I effectively integrate voiceover with visual storytelling to enhance emotional depth in a scene?
What pacing strategies can I employ to build tension during a confrontation scene?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is engaging, but it could be more dynamic. Consider incorporating overlapping dialogue during the confrontation to reflect the heightened emotions and chaos of the moment.
Jordan's reaction to Teresa's accusations feels somewhat passive. Infusing more active responses, such as him attempting to justify his actions or becoming defensive, would create a more compelling conflict.
The scene's climax, where Teresa starts sobbing, could be more dramatic. Adding a physical element, such as her collapsing or pushing Jordan away, would heighten the emotional stakes.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced, dialogue-driven narratives, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the dialogue and conflict in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create more dynamic dialogue during confrontational scenes to reflect heightened emotions?
What are some effective ways to show a character's active response to accusations in a dramatic confrontation?
How can I enhance the climax of a scene to make it more emotionally impactful?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more internal conflict in Jordan's voiceover, exploring his feelings of guilt and desire as he navigates his relationships with both Teresa and Naomi.
Expand Teresa's dialogue to allow her to express her feelings more fully, giving the audience a clearer understanding of her emotional state and the stakes involved in Jordan's infidelity.
Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing about the orgy earlier in the scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow leading up to the shocking reveal.
Develop Nicholas's character further, perhaps by including a brief backstory or a moment that hints at his duplicity, making the betrayal feel more significant.
Consider using visual motifs or symbols throughout the scene to enhance the emotional undertones, such as contrasting lighting between the romantic dinner and the chaotic orgy, to visually represent the duality of Jordan's life.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Teresa's dialogue to make it more impactful, perhaps by incorporating a moment of disbelief or a rhetorical question that emphasizes her emotional state.
Add a visual cue during the transition from the limousine to the confrontation, such as a close-up of Jordan's face reflecting his internal struggle.
Enhance Jordan's silence by including a physical reaction, such as a slight flinch or a moment of hesitation, to convey his internal conflict more vividly.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character conflict provides actionable suggestions for enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of impactful dialogue that convey emotional weight in a confrontation?
How can visual storytelling techniques enhance the emotional transitions in a scene?
What physical reactions can effectively convey a character's internal conflict during a moment of silence?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop Teresa's character further by adding a line or two that hints at her backstory or motivations, making her confrontation with Jordan more relatable.
Integrate visual storytelling with the voiceover by showing Jordan's reaction to the flowers in Naomi's apartment, symbolizing his conflicting emotions.
Slow down the pacing during the confrontation to allow for more dramatic pauses and reactions, enhancing the tension of the moment.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and pacing offers valuable insights for enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to develop a character's backstory within a confrontation scene?
How can I visually represent a character's internal conflict alongside voiceover narration?
What pacing techniques can I use to build tension in a confrontation scene?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Incorporate overlapping dialogue during the confrontation to reflect the chaos and heightened emotions of the moment.
Infuse Jordan's reactions with more active responses, such as defensiveness or attempts to justify his actions, to create a more compelling conflict.
Add a dramatic physical element to Teresa's climax, such as her collapsing or pushing Jordan away, to heighten the emotional stakes.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and dramatic conflict provides actionable suggestions for creating a more dynamic and engaging scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively write overlapping dialogue to convey heightened emotions in a scene?
What are some techniques for showing a character's active response during a confrontation?
How can I enhance the climax of a scene to make it more emotionally impactful?

Genres: Crime, Drama
Tone: Intense, Violent, Confrontational, Dark

Strengths

Intense emotions
Effective dialogue
Character dynamics
Themes of loyalty and betrayal

Weaknesses

Violence may be too graphic for some audiences

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and violent atmosphere that surrounds Jordan's world, showcasing the extremes of his lifestyle. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly in the back-and-forth between Jordan and Nicholas. This could be streamlined to maintain tension without losing the audience's engagement.
The character dynamics are strong, particularly the contrast between Jordan's calm demeanor and Donnie's explosive rage. However, Chester's role as a silent enforcer could be expanded to give him more presence in the scene. A few lines or actions that hint at his thoughts or motivations could add depth to his character.
The use of voiceover is effective in conveying Jordan's perspective on loyalty and success, but it risks overshadowing the immediate action. Balancing the voiceover with the live dialogue could enhance the emotional impact of the scene, allowing the audience to feel the tension in real-time rather than through narration.
The physical violence is visceral and shocking, which aligns with the tone of the film. However, the transition from dialogue to violence could be more gradual to build suspense. The suddenness of the violence might detract from the emotional stakes of the confrontation.
The scene ends with a strong visual of the cops taking Nicholas away, but it could benefit from a more explicit emotional reaction from Jordan. This would help to ground the audience in his character's moral ambiguity and the consequences of his actions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and confrontational, which is a strength. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Jordan says, 'You were high, things got out of control, I get it,' it feels a bit too on-the-nose. Instead, consider having him imply understanding without explicitly stating it, allowing the audience to infer the tension.
Donnie's character is portrayed as volatile, but his actions could be more nuanced. Instead of immediately threatening Nicholas, perhaps he could exhibit a moment of hesitation or doubt, which would add depth to his character and create more tension.
The physical violence escalates quickly, which is effective, but it might be more impactful if there were a moment of hesitation before Chester strikes Nicholas. This would heighten the stakes and create a more dramatic build-up.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him suitable for critiquing the confrontational aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into the dialogue between Jordan and Nicholas to enhance the tension?
What techniques can I use to show Donnie's volatility without making him seem one-dimensional?
How can I create a more dramatic build-up to the violence in this scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively showcases the theme of loyalty and betrayal, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for Jordan. His motivations seem somewhat surface-level; exploring his internal conflict about resorting to violence could add depth.
Nicholas's character could be fleshed out more. As the butler, he represents a different class and perspective. Adding a line or two that reflects his feelings about the situation could create a more complex dynamic.
The use of voiceover is effective in conveying Jordan's thoughts, but it might be more powerful if it were used sparingly. Consider allowing the visuals and dialogue to carry more weight without constant narration.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and thematic exploration, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen Jordan's emotional arc in this scene to reflect his internal conflict?
What lines could I add to Nicholas's dialogue to provide more insight into his character?
How can I balance the use of voiceover with visual storytelling to enhance the scene's impact?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The pacing of the scene is frenetic, which works well for the chaotic atmosphere. However, consider varying the rhythm of the dialogue to create moments of tension and release. For example, after a heated exchange, a brief pause could amplify the stakes.
The character of Chester is underutilized. He is physically imposing but doesn't contribute much to the dialogue. Consider giving him a line that reflects his thoughts on the situation, which could add another layer to the power dynamics.
The transition from the confrontation to the police scene feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative. Perhaps a line from Jordan reflecting on the consequences of the violence could serve as a bridge.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the pacing and dynamics of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I vary the rhythm of the dialogue to create more tension and release in this scene?
What line could I give Chester to enhance his character and the power dynamics in the scene?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between the confrontation and the police scene?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue between Jordan and Nicholas to eliminate redundancy and keep the tension high. Focus on key phrases that convey urgency and desperation.
Give Chester a moment to express his thoughts or feelings about the situation, even if it's just a brief line or a facial expression. This will make him feel more like an active participant rather than a background character.
Reassess the balance between voiceover and dialogue. Perhaps use the voiceover to set up the scene before the confrontation, then let the dialogue carry the weight of the moment during the action.
Build up to the violence with more tension in the dialogue. Perhaps have Jordan and Nicholas exchange more heated words before the physical altercation, creating a sense of inevitable conflict.
Add a moment at the end where Jordan reflects on the violence he just witnessed, either through a brief internal monologue or a reaction shot that shows his conflicted feelings about the situation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Jordan's dialogue to imply understanding without stating it outright, allowing for more tension and subtext.
Add a moment of hesitation for Donnie before he threatens Nicholas, showcasing his internal struggle and adding complexity to his character.
Introduce a brief pause before the violence escalates, creating a dramatic build-up that heightens the stakes.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of dialogue that imply tension without being explicit?
How can I effectively show a character's internal struggle through their actions?
What techniques can I use to build tension before a violent climax?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Explore Jordan's internal conflict about resorting to violence, perhaps through a moment of reflection or hesitation before he nods to Chester.
Add lines to Nicholas's dialogue that reveal his perspective on the situation, enhancing the complexity of his character.
Limit the voiceover to key moments, allowing the dialogue and visuals to convey more of the story.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and thematic depth can enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively show a character's internal conflict in a high-stakes situation?
What lines could I add to Nicholas's dialogue to provide more depth to his character?
What are some strategies for balancing voiceover with visual storytelling?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Vary the pacing of the dialogue to create moments of tension and release, particularly after heated exchanges.
Give Chester a line that reflects his thoughts on the situation, adding depth to his character and the power dynamics.
Create a smoother transition between the confrontation and the police scene by incorporating a reflective line from Jordan.

Aaron Sorkin's mastery of dialogue pacing and character interaction can help elevate the scene's overall effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create varied pacing in dialogue?
What kind of line would effectively enhance Chester's character in this scene?
How can I create a seamless transition between two intense scenes?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Humorous, Dramatic, Sarcastic

Strengths

Engaging characters
Sharp dialogue
Compelling concept

Weaknesses

Depiction of unethical behavior
Excessive focus on excess and luxury

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic atmosphere of Stratton Oakmont, showcasing the frenetic energy of the brokers and the tension surrounding the SEC's scrutiny. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to enhance character differentiation and make Manny's lines more impactful. Currently, his warning feels somewhat generic and lacks a unique voice.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset and the illegal activities at play, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. Instead of merely stating facts, consider incorporating his internal conflict or justifications for his actions, which would add layers to his character.
The visual elements, such as the break-dancing broker, serve to illustrate the absurdity of the environment, but the scene could use more specific details to ground the viewer in the chaos. For instance, describing the sounds, smells, or even the expressions of the brokers could enhance the immersive quality of the scene.
The transition from the kitchen to the bullpen feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. Perhaps a brief moment where Jordan reflects on the absurdity of the situation before entering the bullpen would create a more cohesive narrative.
While the humor in the scene is evident, it sometimes undermines the gravity of the situation with the SEC. Balancing the comedic elements with the tension of the impending investigation could create a more compelling dynamic.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the high-stakes environment of Stratton Oakmont. However, the humor could be heightened. For instance, Manny's line about pissing on the SEC's leg is clever, but it could be even more biting to emphasize the absurdity of their situation.
Jordan's voiceover provides necessary exposition, but it feels a bit too on-the-nose. Instead of stating that the SEC is looking for a smoking gun, consider showing the tension through the brokers' frantic energy and their reactions to the SEC's presence.
Max's reaction to the break-dancing broker is a great moment of character, but it could be more exaggerated to enhance the comedic effect. Perhaps he could have a more colorful outburst that showcases his frustration and the chaotic atmosphere.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and humor in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the humor in Manny's dialogue to make it more biting and reflective of the absurdity of the situation?
What are some techniques to show tension in a scene without relying heavily on voiceover exposition?
How can I further exaggerate Max's character to make his reaction to the break-dancing broker more comedic?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the chaotic energy of the bullpen, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional arc. Consider giving Jordan a moment of vulnerability amidst the chaos to deepen his character.
Manny's character serves as a voice of caution, but his role could be expanded to create more tension. Perhaps he could express more concern about the SEC's scrutiny, which would contrast with Jordan's bravado.
The freeze frame with Manny stuffing a cruller in his mouth is a fun visual, but it could be more impactful if it tied back to the theme of indulgence and excess that runs throughout the script.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate a moment of vulnerability for Jordan in this scene to enhance his character development?
What are some ways to expand Manny's role to create more tension and contrast with Jordan's confidence?
How can I make the freeze frame with Manny more thematically relevant to the overall story?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene does a good job of establishing stakes with the SEC's presence, but it could be improved by raising the stakes even higher. Perhaps introduce a specific deadline or consequence that Jordan faces if the SEC finds something.
Jordan's voiceover is informative, but it could be more engaging if it included a personal anecdote or a metaphor that ties back to the chaos of the bullpen. This would create a stronger connection between his internal thoughts and the external action.
The pacing of the scene is brisk, which works well for the chaotic environment, but consider adding a moment of stillness or silence to contrast the frenetic energy and heighten the tension.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and raising stakes, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the tension and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to raise the stakes in this scene regarding the SEC's scrutiny?
How can I incorporate a personal anecdote or metaphor into Jordan's voiceover to make it more engaging?
What techniques can I use to create a moment of stillness in this chaotic scene to heighten the tension?

General Suggestions

Revise Manny's dialogue to make it more distinctive and memorable, perhaps by incorporating a personal anecdote or a unique catchphrase that reflects his character.
Deepen Jordan's voiceover by exploring his internal justifications for his actions, which would provide a more nuanced view of his character and the moral ambiguity of his choices.
Add sensory details to the scene to enhance the chaotic atmosphere, such as the sounds of ringing phones, shouting brokers, or the smell of coffee and sweat, to create a more vivid experience for the audience.
Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jordan as he transitions from the kitchen to the bullpen, allowing the audience to connect with his mindset and the absurdity of the situation.
Balance the humor with the tension of the SEC investigation by incorporating moments of seriousness or concern from Jordan or Manny, which would heighten the stakes and create a more engaging conflict.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Manny's dialogue to include a more biting remark that highlights the absurdity of their situation, perhaps referencing a specific SEC regulation in a humorous way.
Consider reducing the amount of voiceover exposition and instead show the tension through the brokers' frantic actions and reactions to the SEC's presence.
Enhance Max's character by giving him a more exaggerated and colorful outburst when he confronts the break-dancing broker, showcasing the chaotic atmosphere.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the humor and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific SEC regulation could I reference in Manny's dialogue to enhance the humor?
How can I visually depict the tension in the bullpen without relying on voiceover?
What kind of exaggerated outburst could Max have to make his character more memorable?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a moment where Jordan shows vulnerability, perhaps reflecting on the consequences of their actions, to deepen his character amidst the chaos.
Expand Manny's role by having him express more concern about the SEC's scrutiny, creating a stronger contrast with Jordan's bravado.
Make the freeze frame with Manny more thematically relevant by tying it back to the indulgence and excess that characterize Jordan's lifestyle.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional arcs can enhance the depth and tension of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific moment of vulnerability could I introduce for Jordan to enhance his character development?
How can I effectively express Manny's concern to create a stronger contrast with Jordan's confidence?
What thematic elements can I incorporate into the freeze frame to make it more impactful?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Raise the stakes by introducing a specific deadline or consequence that Jordan faces if the SEC finds something, increasing the tension.
Incorporate a personal anecdote or metaphor into Jordan's voiceover that ties back to the chaos of the bullpen, making it more engaging.
Add a moment of stillness or silence amidst the chaos to contrast the frenetic energy and heighten the tension.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and raising stakes can significantly enhance the tension and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific deadline or consequence could I introduce to raise the stakes in this scene?
What kind of personal anecdote or metaphor could I use in Jordan's voiceover to enhance engagement?
How can I effectively create a moment of stillness in this chaotic scene?

Genres: Drama, Romance, Comedy
Tone: Humorous, Dramatic, Romantic

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Complex characters
Emotional depth

Weaknesses

Some cliched elements
Stereotypical character dynamics

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the extravagant lifestyle of Jordan and Naomi, showcasing their wealth and the superficiality of their relationships. However, the transition from the wedding reception to the yacht reveal feels a bit abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
The dialogue between Aunt Emma and Jordan is humorous and adds depth to their relationship, but it could benefit from more subtext. While Aunt Emma's comment about the 'donuts' is clever, it might be more impactful if it hinted at deeper concerns about Jordan's lifestyle rather than just being a light-hearted quip.
The voiceover narration provides insight into Jordan's mindset and the opulence of his life, but it risks becoming repetitive. The audience may already grasp the excessiveness of his lifestyle, so varying the narrative style or incorporating more visual storytelling could keep the audience engaged.
The montage of their life on the yacht and in their estate is visually rich, but it could be more emotionally resonant. Currently, it feels like a checklist of luxury items rather than a portrayal of their relationship dynamics. Adding moments that highlight their emotional connection or disconnection would deepen the impact.
The final moment with Naomi waking Jordan up is a strong emotional pivot, but the dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of jumping straight to accusations, consider building tension with more subtle hints of her suspicions before the confrontation. This would enhance the dramatic stakes.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively captures the juxtaposition of Jordan's extravagant lifestyle with the underlying tension in his relationship with Naomi. The introduction of Aunt Emma serves as a humorous yet poignant reminder of Jordan's drug use, which adds depth to his character.
However, the transition from the wedding reception to the yacht reveal feels abrupt. The emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring Jordan's internal conflict about his infidelity more deeply before the yacht reveal.
The dialogue between Jordan and Aunt Emma is clever, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Aunt Emma's line about living through the 60s could hint at her disapproval of Jordan's lifestyle, adding layers to their interaction.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for analyzing the emotional depth and transitions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional stakes in the transition from the wedding reception to the yacht reveal?
What techniques can I use to add more subtext to the dialogue between Jordan and Aunt Emma?
In what ways can I better illustrate Jordan's internal conflict regarding his infidelity before the yacht reveal?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a great job of showcasing the lavishness of Jordan and Naomi's life, which is essential for establishing their characters. However, the montage of their life together could be more impactful if it included moments of vulnerability or conflict to balance the opulence.
The introduction of the yacht named 'Naomi' is a strong visual metaphor for Jordan's possessiveness and idealization of Naomi, but it could be further emphasized through Jordan's reaction to her excitement. Does he feel pride, or is there a hint of insecurity?
The shift from the romantic yacht scene to the chaotic domestic life is jarring. Consider foreshadowing the impending conflict with Naomi's wake-up call to create a smoother transition.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and thematic development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional resonance and thematic depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate moments of vulnerability or conflict into the montage of Jordan and Naomi's life to create a more balanced portrayal?
What specific actions or reactions can I add to Jordan's character to emphasize his feelings of pride or insecurity regarding the yacht gift?
How can I better foreshadow the conflict that arises later in the scene to create a smoother narrative transition?

Critique by William Goldman

The scene is visually rich and captures the opulence of Jordan's lifestyle well. However, the pacing could be improved; the montage feels rushed and could benefit from slower moments that allow the audience to absorb the luxury and its implications.
The dialogue is witty, but some lines could be tightened for greater impact. For example, Aunt Emma's line about the donuts could be more succinct to maintain the scene's rhythm.
The contrast between the idyllic yacht scene and the later chaos is effective, but the transition could be more pronounced. Consider using a visual motif or recurring line that ties the two moments together.

William Goldman is renowned for his sharp dialogue and pacing, making his perspective valuable for refining the scene's rhythm and dialogue.

Questions for AI

What specific techniques can I use to slow down the pacing of the montage to allow for greater emotional impact?
How can I tighten the dialogue to enhance the rhythm of the scene while maintaining its wit?
What visual motifs or recurring lines could I incorporate to create a stronger connection between the yacht scene and the later chaos?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jordan after Aunt Emma's comment, allowing the audience to see his internal conflict regarding his lifestyle and choices.
Enhance the transition between the wedding reception and the yacht reveal by incorporating a brief moment of dialogue or action that connects the two settings, perhaps involving other guests or a shared toast.
Incorporate more visual storytelling during the montage, such as showing Jordan and Naomi engaging in activities that reveal their relationship dynamics, rather than just showcasing their possessions.
Revise the dialogue in the confrontation scene to build tension gradually, allowing Naomi's suspicions to simmer before she confronts Jordan directly. This could involve her asking leading questions or expressing concern about his behavior.
Consider using a more varied narrative style in the voiceover, perhaps incorporating Jordan's thoughts in a more fragmented or chaotic manner to reflect his mental state as his life begins to unravel.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Consider adding a moment where Jordan reflects on his relationship with Naomi before revealing the yacht. This could be a brief internal monologue that highlights his guilt and desire, enhancing the emotional stakes.
Expand the dialogue between Jordan and Aunt Emma to include more subtext about her views on his lifestyle. This could create a more layered interaction that hints at the consequences of his choices.

Robert McKee's focus on character motivation and emotional stakes makes him well-suited for suggesting improvements that deepen the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively incorporate an internal monologue for Jordan to enhance his emotional conflict before the yacht reveal?
What specific lines can I add to Aunt Emma's dialogue to create more subtext regarding her disapproval of Jordan's lifestyle?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate a moment of intimacy between Jordan and Naomi during the yacht reveal, allowing the audience to see their connection before the chaos ensues. This could be a shared laugh or a tender gesture that highlights their bond.
Foreshadow the conflict by including a subtle hint of tension in Jordan's demeanor as he presents the yacht. This could be a fleeting moment of hesitation or a worried glance that suggests his internal struggle.

Linda Seger's expertise in character relationships and thematic development makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific moments of intimacy can I add to the yacht reveal to strengthen the emotional connection between Jordan and Naomi?
How can I visually or behaviorally foreshadow the conflict that arises later in the scene to create a more cohesive narrative?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Slow down the montage by including brief pauses or reactions from Jordan and Naomi as they experience their luxurious life. This could involve close-ups of their expressions to convey their feelings about their wealth.
Tighten Aunt Emma's dialogue by rephrasing her line about the donuts to something more concise, maintaining the humor while improving the scene's flow.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for refining the scene's rhythm and humor.

Questions for AI

What specific techniques can I use to create pauses in the montage that allow for character reactions and emotional depth?
How can I rephrase Aunt Emma's line to maintain its humor while making it more succinct?

Genres: Drama, Romance
Tone: Tense, Emotional, Confrontational

Strengths

Intense emotional conflict
Character depth and development
Effective dialogue

Weaknesses

Potentially repetitive arguments
Limited external action

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and toxic nature of Jordan and Naomi's relationship, showcasing their verbal sparring and the emotional fallout from Jordan's infidelity. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly in Naomi's accusations and Jordan's defensive responses, which may detract from the overall impact of the confrontation.
The use of physical comedy, such as Naomi splashing water on Jordan, adds a layer of humor to the tension, but it risks undermining the seriousness of the emotional stakes. Balancing the comedic elements with the gravity of their issues could enhance the scene's effectiveness.
Jordan's internal monologue provides insight into his mindset, but it could be more tightly integrated with the action. The transition from the argument to his morning routine feels abrupt, and the voiceover could benefit from more specific reflections on his feelings about the fight and his lifestyle choices.
The visual elements, such as Jordan's bloodshot eyes and the chaotic environment of the estate, effectively convey his state of mind. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the estate or the tension in the air during their argument.
The pacing of the scene is uneven, with some moments feeling rushed while others linger too long. Streamlining the dialogue and actions could create a more dynamic rhythm that reflects the volatility of their relationship.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan and Naomi, showcasing their tumultuous relationship. Naomi's accusation about Jordan calling another woman's name in his sleep is a strong emotional hook that immediately engages the audience.
Jordan's attempts to downplay the situation with his excuse about a condo investment in Venice feels weak and highlights his character's dishonesty. This could be emphasized further to showcase his manipulative nature.
Naomi's physicality, such as rocking back and forth like a fighter and splashing water on Jordan, adds a dynamic visual element that enhances the emotional stakes. However, the dialogue could be tightened to make her accusations more impactful.
The transition to Jordan's morning routine is effective, but the voiceover could delve deeper into his internal conflict, providing insight into his mindset as he navigates his chaotic life.

Linda Seger is known for her expertise in character development and emotional storytelling, making her insights valuable for this emotionally charged scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance Naomi's emotional arc in this scene to make her confrontation with Jordan more impactful?
What techniques can I use to better illustrate Jordan's internal conflict during his morning routine?
Are there ways to tighten the dialogue to make Naomi's accusations more powerful?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively establishes conflict, but it could benefit from a clearer dramatic arc. The stakes feel somewhat low; while Naomi is upset, the audience needs to feel the potential consequences of Jordan's actions more acutely.
Jordan's response to Naomi's accusations lacks urgency. He should be more defensive or panicked, which would heighten the tension and make the audience more invested in the outcome.
The humor in Jordan's character, particularly his reaction to his morning erection, feels out of place in such a serious confrontation. This could undermine the gravity of the situation and should be reconsidered.
The scene's pacing could be improved by interspersing Naomi's dialogue with Jordan's reactions to create a more dynamic back-and-forth exchange.

Robert McKee is renowned for his focus on story structure and dramatic tension, making his feedback crucial for enhancing the conflict in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I raise the stakes in this scene to make the conflict between Jordan and Naomi feel more urgent?
What are some techniques to enhance the pacing of dialogue exchanges to create a more dynamic confrontation?
How can I balance humor and seriousness in Jordan's character without undermining the scene's emotional weight?

Critique by Syd Field

The scene does a good job of establishing the main conflict early on, but it could benefit from a clearer setup and payoff structure. The audience should feel the buildup of tension leading to Naomi's explosive reaction.
Jordan's character is well-defined, but his motivations could be clearer. Why does he continue to lie to Naomi despite the obvious consequences? Exploring this could add depth to his character.
The visual elements, such as the water glass and Jordan's morning routine, are effective, but they could be used more symbolically to reflect the characters' emotional states.
The voiceover provides insight into Jordan's mindset, but it could be more focused on the immediate conflict at hand rather than general reflections on his lifestyle.

Syd Field is a pioneer in screenwriting structure, and his insights can help refine the scene's setup and emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

How can I create a stronger setup and payoff in this scene to enhance the buildup of tension?
What strategies can I use to clarify Jordan's motivations and make his character more relatable?
How can I use visual symbolism more effectively to reflect the emotional states of Jordan and Naomi?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate repetitive phrases and enhance the emotional weight of the confrontation. Focus on unique lines that reveal character motivations and deepen the conflict.
Explore ways to balance the comedic elements with the serious themes of infidelity and emotional turmoil. This could involve adjusting the timing of comedic moments or incorporating more dramatic beats to heighten the stakes.
Integrate Jordan's internal monologue more seamlessly with the action, perhaps by having him reflect on specific moments from the argument as it unfolds, rather than transitioning abruptly to his morning routine.
Add more sensory details to the scene to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds, smells, and visual chaos of the estate to immerse the audience in the environment and enhance the emotional tension.
Revise the pacing to ensure a more consistent flow throughout the scene. Consider varying the rhythm of the dialogue and actions to reflect the intensity of the argument and the chaotic nature of their lives.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Consider adding a moment where Naomi reflects on her feelings before confronting Jordan, which could deepen her emotional stakes.
Tighten Naomi's dialogue to make her accusations sharper and more impactful, perhaps by using more specific examples of Jordan's infidelity.
Enhance the voiceover to provide more insight into Jordan's internal struggle, perhaps by contrasting his denial with the reality of his actions.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and emotional storytelling makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What specific examples of infidelity could Naomi reference to make her accusations more impactful?
How can I effectively show Naomi's internal conflict before her confrontation with Jordan?
What techniques can I use to enhance the voiceover and provide deeper insight into Jordan's character?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a ticking clock element, such as a looming event or deadline, to raise the stakes and urgency of the confrontation.
Make Jordan's reactions more visceral; perhaps he could physically react to Naomi's accusations, showing his panic or defensiveness.
Reconsider the humor in Jordan's character during this scene; it may be more effective to keep the tone serious to match the gravity of the situation.

Robert McKee's expertise in dramatic tension and character dynamics can help elevate the stakes and emotional weight of the scene.

Questions for AI

What kind of ticking clock element could I introduce to raise the stakes in this scene?
How can I make Jordan's physical reactions more pronounced to convey his emotional state?
What are some ways to maintain a serious tone while still showcasing Jordan's character?

Suggestion by Syd Field

Clarify the setup by showing a brief moment of Jordan's previous night before the confrontation, establishing the context for Naomi's anger.
Explore Jordan's motivations more deeply; perhaps include a moment where he reflects on his choices and their impact on his family.
Use visual symbolism, such as the water glass, to represent the fragility of their relationship, enhancing the emotional stakes.

Syd Field's focus on structure and character motivation can help refine the scene's setup and emotional depth.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively show Jordan's previous night to provide context for Naomi's anger?
What techniques can I use to explore Jordan's motivations and make his character more relatable?
How can I use visual symbolism to enhance the emotional stakes of the scene?

Genres: Drama, Romance
Tone: Seductive, Tense, Emotional

Strengths

Emotional depth
Tension-filled dialogue
Complex character dynamics

Weaknesses

Potentially controversial content
Lack of resolution in the scene

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension and complexity of Jordan and Naomi's relationship, showcasing both seduction and manipulation. However, the dialogue can come off as overly explicit and may detract from the emotional weight of the moment. The playful banter is engaging, but it risks feeling gratuitous rather than meaningful.
The use of the hidden camera as a plot device is clever and adds a layer of dark humor, but it also raises ethical questions about consent and privacy. This could alienate some viewers if not handled with care. The scene might benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the power dynamics at play.
Naomi's character is portrayed as both seductive and vindictive, which can be compelling, but it may also reinforce negative stereotypes about women in relationships. It would be beneficial to provide her with more depth or a moment of vulnerability to balance her portrayal.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The buildup to the reveal of the hidden camera is effective, but the transition from playful seduction to shock could be smoother. The abruptness of Naomi's reaction might feel jarring to the audience, and a more gradual escalation could enhance the impact.
Jordan's character continues to be depicted as manipulative and self-serving, which is consistent with his arc. However, it might be interesting to explore a moment of genuine remorse or reflection from him, even if fleeting, to add complexity to his character.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively juxtaposes the playful innocence of Skylar with the sexual tension between Jordan and Naomi, creating a stark contrast that heightens the drama. However, Naomi's dialogue can come off as overly provocative, which may detract from the emotional stakes of the scene. Instead of focusing solely on her physicality, it would be beneficial to explore her emotional turmoil regarding Jordan's infidelity.
Jordan's character is portrayed as desperate and manipulative, but the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of his internal conflict. His attempts to regain control through storytelling feel forced and could be more nuanced to reflect his vulnerability.
The introduction of the hidden camera adds a layer of dark humor, but it risks trivializing the serious themes of betrayal and manipulation. This could be balanced by showing more of Naomi's emotional response to the revelation, rather than just her anger.

Linda Seger is known for her expertise in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can we deepen Naomi's emotional complexity in this scene to make her motivations clearer?
What techniques can be used to balance the dark humor of the hidden camera with the serious themes of betrayal?
How can Jordan's internal conflict be portrayed more effectively in his dialogue and actions?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a strong setup with the playful interaction between Jordan and Skylar, but it quickly shifts to a more sexual tone that may alienate the audience. The transition could be smoother, ensuring that the stakes are clear and that the audience understands the emotional weight behind the flirtation.
Naomi's character is portrayed as a ballbreaker, but this could be expanded to show her vulnerability and the impact of Jordan's actions on her psyche. This would create a more rounded character and enhance the audience's empathy.
The use of the hidden camera is a clever plot device, but it feels somewhat contrived. It would be more impactful if it were introduced earlier in the narrative, allowing for a buildup of tension and anticipation.

Robert McKee is a renowned screenwriting guru known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making his feedback crucial for improving the scene's narrative flow.

Questions for AI

How can we create a smoother transition from the playful interaction with Skylar to the more sexual undertones between Jordan and Naomi?
What strategies can be employed to deepen Naomi's character and make her motivations more relatable?
How can the hidden camera be integrated into the narrative earlier to enhance its impact?

Critique by Syd Field

The scene effectively establishes the stakes with Jordan's desperation and Naomi's seductive power, but it could benefit from clearer dramatic tension. The stakes should be heightened to reflect the consequences of Jordan's past actions on their relationship.
The dialogue is witty but can come off as overly explicit, which may distract from the emotional core of the scene. Striking a balance between humor and seriousness is essential to maintain audience engagement.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven; the buildup to the revelation of the hidden camera could be more gradual to enhance suspense and surprise.

Syd Field is a pioneer in screenwriting theory, particularly known for his focus on structure and pacing, making his insights valuable for enhancing the scene's effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What techniques can be used to heighten the dramatic tension in this scene, reflecting the consequences of Jordan's actions?
How can we refine the dialogue to maintain its wit while ensuring it serves the emotional core of the scene?
What pacing strategies can be employed to build suspense leading up to the hidden camera reveal?

General Suggestions

Consider toning down the explicitness of the dialogue to maintain the scene's emotional resonance without crossing into gratuitous territory. Focus on the underlying emotions rather than just the physicality.
Explore Naomi's character further by adding a moment that reveals her vulnerabilities or motivations. This could create a more balanced dynamic between her and Jordan.
Smooth out the pacing by adding transitional beats that allow the audience to absorb the shift from playful to shocking. This could involve more internal dialogue from Jordan or subtle visual cues that foreshadow Naomi's reaction.
Revisit the ethical implications of the hidden camera and ensure that the scene addresses the power dynamics in a way that feels responsible and thought-provoking.
Incorporate a brief moment of introspection for Jordan after Naomi's reaction, allowing the audience to see a glimpse of his internal conflict, which could add depth to his character.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate more of Naomi's emotional perspective throughout the scene. Perhaps include a moment where she reflects on her feelings about Jordan's infidelity before engaging in the playful banter.
Consider softening some of Naomi's more provocative lines to allow for a more complex emotional exchange. This could involve her expressing hurt or betrayal rather than solely focusing on seduction.
After the hidden camera reveal, allow for a moment of vulnerability from Naomi, where she expresses her feelings of betrayal rather than just anger, creating a more impactful emotional climax.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and emotional arcs makes her suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

How can we effectively show Naomi's emotional turmoil without losing the playful tone of the scene?
What specific dialogue changes could enhance the emotional depth of Naomi's character?
How can we structure the scene to allow for a moment of vulnerability after the hidden camera reveal?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Create a more gradual transition from the playful interaction with Skylar to the sexual tension between Jordan and Naomi. This could involve Jordan initially engaging with Skylar before Naomi's seduction becomes more apparent.
Expand on Naomi's character by including a moment where she reflects on her feelings about Jordan's infidelity, allowing the audience to empathize with her struggle.
Introduce the hidden camera earlier in the narrative, perhaps through a casual mention or a visual cue, to build anticipation and tension leading up to its reveal.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and character development makes his suggestions essential for improving the scene's narrative coherence.

Questions for AI

What specific narrative techniques can help create a smoother transition between the playful and sexual elements of the scene?
How can we deepen Naomi's character to enhance audience empathy?
What methods can be used to foreshadow the hidden camera reveal earlier in the narrative?

Suggestion by Syd Field

Increase the stakes by having Jordan express a deeper fear of losing Naomi, which would add urgency to his attempts to reconcile.
Refine the dialogue to maintain its humor while ensuring it serves the emotional core of the scene. This could involve cutting back on explicit lines and focusing on subtext.
Adjust the pacing to build suspense leading up to the hidden camera reveal. Consider adding moments of hesitation or tension before the reveal to enhance its impact.

Syd Field's focus on structure and pacing makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's overall effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue adjustments can maintain humor while enhancing emotional depth?
How can we structure the scene to build suspense effectively before the hidden camera reveal?
What techniques can be used to increase the stakes for Jordan in this scene?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Chaotic, Humorous, Confrontational

Strengths

Humor
Engaging dialogue
Unexpected twist

Weaknesses

Lack of emotional depth
Slightly exaggerated actions

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and reckless atmosphere of the Stratton Oakmont bullpen, showcasing Donnie's impulsive behavior and the absurdity of the situation. However, the act of swallowing the goldfish, while shocking, may come off as overly theatrical and could detract from the overall tone of the film, which balances dark humor with serious themes.
The dialogue is punchy and reflects the high-energy environment, but it could benefit from more character depth. Donnie's actions are extreme, and while they serve to highlight his character, the scene lacks a deeper exploration of his motivations or the consequences of such behavior, which could enhance the emotional stakes.
The reaction of the other brokers is a strong element, as it emphasizes the culture of excess and bravado at Stratton Oakmont. However, the scene could be improved by showing a more varied range of reactions from the brokers, perhaps including some who are disturbed by Donnie's actions, to create a more nuanced portrayal of the workplace dynamics.
The transition from this scene to the next feels abrupt. While the focus shifts to Jordan and Steve Madden, it would be beneficial to include a brief moment that connects the two scenes, perhaps by showing the aftermath of Donnie's stunt and how it affects the morale or focus of the brokers.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of the bullpen, but the dialogue could be sharper. For instance, Donnie's line, 'On cocksucking, motherfucking new issue day?!' feels excessive and could be streamlined to maintain impact without losing the intensity.
The action of swallowing the goldfish is a strong visual, but it risks overshadowing the character dynamics. It would be beneficial to explore the emotional stakes for the Broker in the bowtie, making his bewilderment more pronounced.
The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While it showcases Donnie's outrageousness, it doesn't advance the plot or character development significantly. Consider how this moment could tie into the larger themes of excess and moral decay.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him suitable for critiquing the dialogue and emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I tighten the dialogue in this scene to enhance its impact while maintaining the chaotic tone?
What techniques can I use to ensure that the actions in this scene serve the overall narrative arc more effectively?
How can I better develop the emotional stakes for the Broker in the bowtie to create a more engaging conflict?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene is visually striking, but it could benefit from deeper character motivations. Why is Donnie so enraged about the Broker's actions? Exploring his backstory or previous interactions could add depth.
The cheering from the other brokers feels somewhat superficial. It would be more impactful if we saw their reactions evolve throughout the scene, reflecting their own stakes in the chaos.
The transition from this scene to the next could be smoother. Consider how the energy of this moment can lead into the subsequent conversation with Steve Madden, perhaps by foreshadowing the stakes of the IPO.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character motivations and transitions in this scene.

Questions for AI

What strategies can I employ to deepen Donnie's motivations in this scene?
How can I enhance the reactions of the other brokers to create a more layered response to Donnie's actions?
What techniques can I use to create a more seamless transition between this chaotic moment and the subsequent conversation with Steve Madden?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The scene has a strong comedic element, but the pacing could be improved. The buildup to Donnie swallowing the fish feels rushed; consider allowing more time for the tension to build before the climax.
The dialogue could be more rhythmic. Sorkin's style often involves quick back-and-forth exchanges that heighten tension. Incorporating more of this could enhance the scene's energy.
While the visual of the goldfish is memorable, it may distract from the underlying themes of greed and excess. Ensure that the humor serves to highlight these themes rather than detract from them.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him an ideal expert to critique the pacing and dialogue in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I adjust the pacing of this scene to build tension more effectively before the climax?
What techniques can I use to create a more rhythmic dialogue that enhances the comedic elements?
How can I ensure that the humor in this scene reinforces the themes of greed and excess rather than overshadowing them?

General Suggestions

Consider toning down the absurdity of swallowing the goldfish to maintain a balance between humor and the serious implications of their actions. Perhaps Donnie could perform a less extreme act that still conveys his impulsiveness without overshadowing the narrative.
Add a line or two of dialogue that hints at Donnie's internal conflict or the pressure he feels on new issue day, which could provide more depth to his character and make his actions more relatable.
Incorporate a few lines from other brokers that reflect a mix of admiration and horror at Donnie's actions, which would create a more complex atmosphere and highlight the varying moral compasses within the firm.
Include a brief moment of reflection from Jordan after witnessing Donnie's stunt, which could serve as a transition to the next scene and provide insight into how he perceives the chaotic culture he has fostered.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Streamline Donnie's dialogue to make it more impactful. For example, consider cutting the excessive swearing and focusing on the core of his frustration.
Add a moment where the Broker in the bowtie reacts more emotionally to Donnie's actions, perhaps showing fear or disbelief, to enhance the stakes.
Incorporate a brief moment of reflection from Jordan as he watches the chaos, hinting at his own moral conflict amidst the madness.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the scene's emotional and narrative impact.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I revise to tighten Donnie's dialogue while maintaining his character's intensity?
How can I create a more pronounced emotional reaction from the Broker in the bowtie to elevate the stakes of the scene?
What techniques can I use to subtly hint at Jordan's internal conflict during this chaotic moment?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop Donnie's backstory or motivations in this scene to provide context for his outrage, perhaps through a quick flashback or a line of dialogue.
Show the other brokers' reactions evolving throughout the scene, perhaps by including a few lines of dialogue that reflect their own stakes in the chaos.
Create a more seamless transition to the next scene by incorporating a line from Jordan that connects the chaos of the bullpen to the upcoming IPO discussion.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and story structure can enhance the depth and flow of the scene.

Questions for AI

What methods can I use to effectively integrate Donnie's backstory into this scene without disrupting the pacing?
How can I craft dialogue for the other brokers that reflects their evolving reactions to Donnie's actions?
What specific line can I add to create a smoother transition to the next scene with Steve Madden?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Slow down the pacing leading up to Donnie swallowing the fish to build tension, perhaps by adding a moment of hesitation or a brief exchange with the Broker.
Incorporate more rapid-fire dialogue between Donnie and the other brokers to enhance the comedic energy and keep the audience engaged.
Ensure that the humor in this scene ties back to the themes of greed and excess, perhaps by having Donnie make a comment about the absurdity of their actions.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and pacing can help enhance the comedic and thematic elements of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I adjust the pacing to allow for more buildup before the climax of Donnie swallowing the fish?
What techniques can I use to create rapid-fire dialogue that maintains the comedic energy of the scene?
How can I ensure that the humor in this scene reinforces the themes of greed and excess effectively?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Motivational, Intense, Humorous

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Powerful motivational speech
Effective portrayal of high-pressure environment

Weaknesses

Some crude humor may not appeal to all audiences

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of the Stratton Oakmont bullpen, showcasing the aggressive and competitive nature of the stockbrokers. However, the dialogue for Steve Madden feels somewhat weak and lacks the charisma needed to engage the audience, especially when contrasted with Jordan's powerful presence. This could be an opportunity to give Madden a more compelling introduction that highlights his passion and vision for his brand.
Jordan's motivational speech is a strong centerpiece of the scene, but it risks becoming overly repetitive in its themes of aggression and wealth. While this aligns with his character, varying the language and incorporating more vivid imagery could enhance the impact of his message. The use of metaphors or anecdotes could make his points more relatable and memorable.
The heckling from the brokers adds a layer of humor and chaos, but it could be more strategically placed to build tension. For instance, instead of random insults, the brokers could echo Jordan's earlier statements, creating a sense of camaraderie and shared purpose that he later subverts with his more extreme rhetoric.
The transition from Steve Madden's nervousness to Jordan's commanding presence is effective, but it could benefit from a clearer visual cue or moment of realization for Madden. Perhaps a close-up shot of Madden's face as he looks to Jordan for support could emphasize his vulnerability and the stakes of the moment.
The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could be tightened in places. For example, some of the interruptions during Madden's speech could be trimmed or restructured to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged. The focus should remain on the escalating energy of the brokers as they respond to Jordan's rallying cry.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the chaotic energy of the bullpen, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Steve Madden's nervousness is palpable, yet his backstory could be hinted at more subtly rather than explicitly stated. This would allow the audience to infer his character rather than being told.
Jordan's motivational speech is powerful, but it risks overshadowing Steve's introduction. Consider giving Steve a moment to shine before Jordan takes over, allowing the audience to connect with him as a character.
The use of interruptions from the brokers adds to the chaotic atmosphere, but some of the insults feel repetitive. Streamlining these lines could enhance the pacing and maintain the audience's engagement.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him an ideal expert for critiquing the dialogue-heavy scenes in this screenplay.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Steve Madden's dialogue to create a deeper connection with the audience?
What techniques can I use to balance the focus between Steve Madden's introduction and Jordan's motivational speech?
How can I streamline the brokers' interruptions to maintain the chaotic energy without losing the audience's interest?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively builds tension and excitement, but it could benefit from clearer character arcs. For example, how does this moment impact Steve Madden's character development? Is he merely a pawn in Jordan's game, or does he have his own ambitions?
Jordan's speech is compelling, but it could be more personal. Adding a personal anecdote or a moment of vulnerability could make his character more relatable and complex.
The visual elements are strong, but consider incorporating more physical actions from the brokers to enhance the chaotic atmosphere. For instance, showing brokers frantically dialing phones or reacting to Jordan's speech could heighten the tension.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character arcs and emotional depth in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I clarify Steve Madden's character arc in this scene to show his ambitions beyond being a spokesperson for his shoe line?
What personal anecdotes could I include in Jordan's speech to make his character more relatable?
How can I enhance the physical actions of the brokers to better convey the chaotic atmosphere of the bullpen?

Critique by Shonda Rhimes

The scene has a strong ensemble feel, but it could benefit from more distinct character voices among the brokers. Each broker should have a unique way of expressing their enthusiasm or skepticism, which would add depth to the ensemble.
Jordan's charisma is evident, but consider showing more of his manipulative side. Perhaps he could subtly undermine Steve's confidence before taking over the mic, showcasing his dominance.
The pacing is frenetic, which works well, but be cautious of losing clarity in the dialogue. Ensure that each line serves a purpose and contributes to the overall tension and excitement.

Shonda Rhimes is known for her strong character development and ensemble casts, making her insights particularly relevant for enhancing the dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create more distinct character voices for the brokers to enhance the ensemble dynamic?
What subtle actions can I incorporate to showcase Jordan's manipulative nature before he takes over the microphone?
How can I maintain the frenetic pacing while ensuring clarity in the dialogue?

General Suggestions

Enhance Steve Madden's introduction by giving him a more dynamic and engaging backstory that reflects his passion for the shoe industry, possibly through a brief anecdote or a more confident delivery.
Incorporate more varied language and imagery in Jordan's speech to avoid repetition and make his points more impactful. Consider using metaphors or personal stories to illustrate his ideas.
Strategically place the brokers' heckling to build tension and create a sense of camaraderie before Jordan's speech, allowing for a more dramatic shift in tone when he takes over.
Add a visual cue or moment of realization for Madden that highlights his vulnerability and the pressure of the situation, such as a close-up shot of his face looking to Jordan for reassurance.
Tighten the pacing by trimming unnecessary interruptions during Madden's speech, ensuring that the focus remains on the escalating energy and excitement of the brokers as they respond to Jordan's call to action.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Introduce Steve Madden's character with a moment of hesitation or vulnerability before he begins his speech, allowing the audience to connect with him emotionally.
Reduce the number of repetitive insults from the brokers to maintain a brisk pace and keep the audience engaged.
Incorporate moments of silence or pauses in Steve's speech to build tension and allow the audience to absorb the chaos around him.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and tension makes him well-suited to suggest improvements that enhance emotional connection and pacing.

Questions for AI

What specific moments can I create to show Steve Madden's vulnerability before his speech?
How can I identify and eliminate repetitive lines from the brokers to enhance the pacing?
What techniques can I use to effectively incorporate pauses in dialogue to build tension?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a personal anecdote from Jordan during his speech that reveals his motivations or insecurities, making him more relatable.
Clarify Steve Madden's ambitions by having him express a desire to revolutionize the shoe industry, which would give his character more depth.
Include more physical actions from the brokers, such as them reacting to Jordan's speech with cheers or disbelief, to enhance the chaotic atmosphere.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional depth makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What personal anecdotes could I include in Jordan's speech to reveal his motivations?
How can I clarify Steve Madden's ambitions in a way that adds depth to his character?
What specific physical actions can I incorporate from the brokers to enhance the chaotic atmosphere?

Suggestion by Shonda Rhimes

Develop distinct character traits for each broker, allowing them to express their enthusiasm or skepticism in unique ways.
Show Jordan subtly undermining Steve's confidence before taking over the mic, perhaps through a dismissive gesture or comment.
Ensure that each line of dialogue serves a purpose, contributing to the overall tension and excitement without sacrificing clarity.

Shonda Rhimes' expertise in character dynamics and ensemble storytelling makes her suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create distinct character traits for the brokers to enhance their individuality?
What specific actions can I incorporate to show Jordan undermining Steve's confidence?
How can I ensure that every line of dialogue contributes to the tension without losing clarity?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Serious

Strengths

Intense conflict
Suspenseful tone
Realistic dialogue

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the frenetic energy of the brokerage environment, contrasting it with the calm and calculated demeanor of Agent Denham. This juxtaposition highlights the chaotic nature of Stratton Oakmont's operations and the impending threat from law enforcement, creating a palpable tension.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his manipulative strategies, which is a strong narrative device. However, it could benefit from more emotional depth. While we understand his actions, exploring the psychological implications of his manipulation could enhance the audience's connection to his character.
The transition between the FBI office and the Stratton Oakmont bullpen is smooth, but the pacing could be tightened. The scene feels slightly disjointed as it shifts from Denham's office to the brokers' frenzy. A more seamless integration of these two worlds could enhance the flow.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Jordan's bravado and Denham's professionalism. However, some lines could be more concise to maintain the scene's momentum. For instance, Jordan's reaction to the subpoena could be more visceral, showcasing his panic rather than just a casual 'uh-oh.'
The introduction of Barry Kleinman serves as a crucial plot point, but his character feels underdeveloped. Providing a brief backstory or context for his relationship with Jordan could add weight to the urgency of the subpoena and enhance the stakes.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the sharpness and wit that could elevate the tension. For instance, when Jordan reacts to the subpoena, his response could be more layered, revealing his inner conflict rather than just shock.
The pacing feels uneven; the transition from the frenetic energy of the bullpen to the calm of Denham's office could be more pronounced. Consider using a more abrupt cut or a contrasting sound design to emphasize the shift in tone.
The visual storytelling could be enhanced. The chart in Denham's office is a great visual cue, but it could be more dynamic. Perhaps a close-up shot of specific names or connections could add intrigue and foreshadowing.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of tension in storytelling, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make Jordan's reaction to the subpoena more layered to reflect his internal conflict?
What techniques can I use to create a more pronounced transition between the frenetic bullpen and Denham's calm office?
How can I visually enhance the chart in Denham's office to make it more dynamic and engaging?

Critique by Linda Seger

The stakes in this scene could be heightened. While the subpoena is a significant plot point, the emotional weight of it on Jordan's character isn't fully explored. Delve deeper into how this affects his psyche and relationships.
The character dynamics could be more pronounced. For example, how does Donnie's celebratory mood contrast with Jordan's growing anxiety? This could create a more compelling tension between the characters.
The scene could benefit from more subtext. When Jordan receives the call about the wedding video, what unspoken fears or regrets does he have? This could add depth to his character.

Seger specializes in character development and emotional stakes, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen the emotional stakes for Jordan regarding the subpoena?
What techniques can I use to highlight the contrast between Donnie's celebratory mood and Jordan's anxiety?
How can I incorporate more subtext into Jordan's reaction to the call about the wedding video?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While there are moments of tension, the scene could benefit from a more defined structure that builds to a climax, perhaps through escalating stakes or conflict.
The use of voiceover is effective, but it could be more strategically placed. Consider using it to heighten the tension during key moments rather than as a continuous background.
The scene could explore the theme of hubris more explicitly. Jordan's overconfidence in his operations could be contrasted with the impending threat of the FBI, creating a more compelling narrative tension.

McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the narrative flow of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a clearer dramatic arc in this scene to build tension?
What are some effective ways to use voiceover to enhance key moments without overwhelming the scene?
How can I better explore the theme of hubris in Jordan's character in this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Denham reflects on the gravity of the investigation, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or conversation with a colleague. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the stakes involved.
Incorporate more visual elements that emphasize the contrast between the FBI's methodical approach and the chaotic energy of the brokers. For example, using close-ups of Denham's focused expressions against wide shots of the bustling bullpen could visually reinforce this theme.
Enhance the emotional stakes by showing Jordan's reaction to the subpoena in a more dramatic way. Perhaps include a moment where he momentarily loses his composure, revealing the cracks in his confident facade.
Explore the dynamics between Jordan and Donnie further. Their camaraderie is evident, but adding a moment of tension or disagreement could foreshadow future conflicts and deepen their relationship.
Consider tightening the dialogue in certain areas to maintain a brisk pace. For example, streamline Jordan's voiceover to focus on the most impactful aspects of his manipulation, allowing the audience to grasp the gravity of his actions without excessive exposition.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Jordan's dialogue to include more subtext and wit, reflecting his internal struggle with the subpoena. Perhaps he could make a sarcastic remark that hints at his fear.
Create a more abrupt transition between the bullpen and Denham's office, possibly using a sound cue that contrasts the chaos of the brokers with the quiet of the FBI office.
Incorporate close-up shots of the chart in Denham's office, focusing on specific names and connections that hint at future conflicts.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of dialogue that could reflect Jordan's internal struggle while maintaining his character's voice?
How can sound design be effectively used to create a stark contrast between two very different environments?
What visual techniques can I use to emphasize key elements in Denham's office?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a moment where Jordan reflects on the implications of the subpoena, perhaps through a brief internal monologue that reveals his fears about the investigation.
Highlight the contrast between Donnie's celebratory demeanor and Jordan's anxiety by including a moment where Donnie tries to engage Jordan in celebration, only to be met with Jordan's distracted response.
Incorporate more subtext into the dialogue when Jordan receives the call about the wedding video, allowing him to express his regrets or fears without stating them outright.

Seger's focus on character depth and emotional stakes makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively convey Jordan's internal fears regarding the subpoena without overt exposition?
What are some ways to visually or narratively highlight the contrast between Donnie and Jordan's emotional states?
How can I write dialogue that implies deeper emotions without being explicit?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Rework the scene to include a clear dramatic arc, perhaps by introducing a ticking clock element that raises the stakes as the FBI closes in on Jordan.
Use voiceover strategically to emphasize key moments, such as when Jordan realizes the implications of the subpoena, rather than as a continuous background.
Explicitly explore the theme of hubris by having Jordan make a bold statement about his invincibility just before receiving the call about the subpoena, highlighting the irony of his situation.

McKee's expertise in story structure and thematic exploration makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the narrative tension of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create a ticking clock element that raises the stakes in this scene?
How can I effectively use voiceover to enhance dramatic moments without detracting from the visual storytelling?
What are some ways to illustrate Jordan's hubris in a way that foreshadows his impending downfall?

Genres: Crime, Drama, Thriller
Tone: Confrontational, Sarcastic, Intense, Humorous

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled confrontation
Complex character dynamics
Engaging plot progression

Weaknesses

Limited character development in this specific scene

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan and Agent Denham, showcasing Jordan's attempts to manipulate the situation while Denham remains stoic and professional. However, the dialogue can feel a bit too on-the-nose at times, particularly when Jordan is trying to downplay his illegal activities. This could be more subtly implied through subtext rather than explicitly stated.
Jordan's character is consistent with his established persona as a brash and arrogant businessman, but the introduction of humor in Denham's character adds an interesting dynamic. However, the humor sometimes undermines the seriousness of the investigation, which could be better balanced to maintain tension.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where the dialogue drags, particularly during the back-and-forth about Denham's past and salary. This could be tightened to keep the momentum going and maintain the audience's engagement.
The visual elements of the yacht and the hookers serve to reinforce Jordan's wealth and hedonistic lifestyle, but they also risk overshadowing the main conflict of the scene. The focus should remain on the conversation and the stakes involved rather than the distractions of the setting.
The ending of the scene, where Jordan makes a crude remark to Denham, feels somewhat forced and detracts from the tension built throughout the conversation. It could be more impactful if Jordan's final words were more clever or subtle, leaving Denham with a lingering sense of unease rather than a straightforward insult.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the tension between Jordan and Agent Denham. However, it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Jordan offers the guest list, it feels like a blatant attempt to manipulate Denham rather than a genuine gesture. This could be enhanced by having Jordan's tone shift subtly, revealing his desperation beneath the bravado.
Jordan's character is consistent with his established persona, but the scene could explore more of his internal conflict. As he tries to charm Denham, there should be moments where his facade cracks, hinting at his underlying fear of being caught.
The visual elements, such as the yacht and the hookers, serve to emphasize Jordan's wealth and arrogance. However, the scene could use more contrast between the opulence of the yacht and the seriousness of the FBI agents' presence to heighten the tension.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and exploration of power dynamics, making him an ideal expert for critiquing the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Jordan's dialogue to reflect his desperation while maintaining his charm?
What techniques can I use to show Jordan's internal conflict more clearly during his interaction with Denham?
How can I visually contrast the opulence of the yacht with the seriousness of the FBI agents to enhance the scene's tension?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively sets up the stakes with the FBI's investigation into Jordan, but it could benefit from a clearer sense of urgency. Adding a ticking clock element, such as Denham mentioning a deadline for the investigation, could heighten the tension.
Jordan's attempts to deflect blame onto larger firms like Goldman Sachs are clever, but they could be more impactful if he had a personal stake in the outcome. Perhaps he could mention a specific client or investment that would be jeopardized if the investigation continues.
The ending, where Jordan makes a crude remark as Denham leaves, feels a bit forced. It could be more effective if it were a subtle jab rather than an overtly vulgar comment, maintaining the tension without undermining the seriousness of the situation.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's stakes and emotional depth.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to introduce a sense of urgency in this scene without altering the dialogue significantly?
How can I deepen Jordan's personal stakes in the investigation to make his deflection more impactful?
What alternatives could I consider for Jordan's final remark to Denham that would maintain tension without being overly vulgar?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened further. Some of Jordan's dialogue feels a bit drawn out, particularly when he is trying to charm Denham. Shortening these exchanges could create a more rapid-fire back-and-forth that reflects the high-stakes nature of their interaction.
The character dynamics are interesting, but there could be more moments of conflict. For instance, Denham could push back harder against Jordan's attempts to manipulate the conversation, creating a more dynamic exchange.
The use of humor in Denham's character is a nice touch, but it could be more pronounced. If Denham had a few more witty retorts, it would elevate the tension and showcase his intelligence in contrast to Jordan's bravado.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the pacing and dynamics of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I tighten the pacing of Jordan's dialogue to create a more dynamic interaction with Denham?
What specific moments can I introduce to increase the conflict between Jordan and Denham during their conversation?
How can I enhance Denham's character with more witty retorts to showcase his intelligence and create a stronger contrast with Jordan?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate any unnecessary exposition, allowing the subtext to convey the stakes and tension more effectively.
Balance the humor in Denham's character with the seriousness of the investigation to maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene.
Focus on the main conflict and keep the visual distractions to a minimum, ensuring that the audience remains engaged with the dialogue and character dynamics.
Revise Jordan's final remark to Denham to be more clever or ambiguous, enhancing the tension rather than providing a straightforward insult.
Explore the use of body language and visual cues to convey the power dynamics between Jordan and Denham, allowing the audience to feel the tension without relying solely on dialogue.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Incorporate more subtext into Jordan's dialogue, allowing his desperation to seep through his charm. For example, when he offers the guest list, he could express a hint of anxiety about the investigation.
Add moments where Jordan's facade cracks, revealing his fear of being caught. This could be done through subtle body language or a fleeting expression.
Enhance the contrast between the yacht's opulence and the agents' stoicism by including visual cues, such as the agents' discomfort in the lavish setting.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help deepen the emotional impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to show Jordan's anxiety without overtly stating it in his dialogue?
How can I visually represent the contrast between the yacht's luxury and the agents' serious demeanor?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a ticking clock element to the scene, such as Denham mentioning a deadline for the investigation, to create a sense of urgency.
Deepen Jordan's personal stakes by having him mention a specific client or investment that would be jeopardized if the investigation continues.
Consider making Jordan's final remark to Denham a more subtle jab, maintaining tension without being overly vulgar.

Linda Seger's focus on story structure and character motivation can enhance the scene's stakes and emotional depth.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to introduce a sense of urgency in this scene without altering the dialogue significantly?
How can I deepen Jordan's personal stakes in the investigation to make his deflection more impactful?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Tighten the pacing of Jordan's dialogue to create a more rapid-fire exchange with Denham, reflecting the high-stakes nature of their interaction.
Introduce more moments of conflict by having Denham push back harder against Jordan's attempts to manipulate the conversation.
Enhance Denham's character with more witty retorts to showcase his intelligence and create a stronger contrast with Jordan.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in fast-paced dialogue and character-driven storytelling can help elevate the scene's tension and dynamics.

Questions for AI

How can I tighten the pacing of Jordan's dialogue to create a more dynamic interaction with Denham?
What specific moments can I introduce to increase the conflict between Jordan and Denham during their conversation?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Humorous, Chaotic, Intense

Strengths

Humorous dialogue
Engaging plot progression
Well-developed characters

Weaknesses

Depiction of drug abuse may be triggering for some audiences

General Critique

The scene effectively captures Jordan's reckless lifestyle and the consequences of his drug use, showcasing the chaotic nature of his character. However, the transition from Naomi's confrontation to Jordan's drug-fueled escapades feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
The use of voiceover is a strong narrative device that provides insight into Jordan's mindset and the progression of his drug use. However, the voiceover could benefit from more emotional depth, reflecting not just the physical effects of the drugs but also the psychological toll they take on him and his relationships.
The humor in the scene, particularly in Jordan's interactions and the absurdity of his situation, is well-executed. However, it risks overshadowing the gravity of the consequences he faces. Balancing the humor with moments of genuine tension or reflection could create a more nuanced portrayal of his character.
The pacing of the scene is uneven, particularly in the transition between the various phases of Jordan's drug use. While the 'phases' are a clever way to illustrate his decline, they could be more tightly woven into the narrative to avoid feeling disjointed. Each phase could be linked with a specific consequence or realization that adds to the overall arc.
The dialogue, particularly between Jordan and Donnie, captures their camaraderie and the absurdity of their situation. However, it could be enhanced by incorporating more subtext, revealing deeper layers of their friendship and the underlying tensions that come with their lifestyle choices.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the tension between Jordan and Naomi. However, Naomi's line, 'What the fuck is in Switzerland?' could be more layered to reflect her deeper concerns about Jordan's intentions rather than just a surface-level reaction.
Jordan's dismissive response, 'Swiss cheese, Naomi, what do you fucking think?' lacks the complexity that could elevate the scene. It would be more impactful if he showed a moment of vulnerability or defensiveness, hinting at his awareness of the consequences of his actions.
The voiceover narration is effective in conveying Jordan's mindset, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. For instance, when he mentions the 'tingle phase,' it could be juxtaposed with a fleeting moment of doubt or guilt about his lifestyle.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance Naomi's dialogue to reflect her deeper emotional conflict regarding Jordan's actions?
What techniques can I use to make Jordan's response more layered and complex in this scene?
How can I incorporate more emotional depth into Jordan's voiceover to reflect his internal struggle?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively sets up the stakes for Jordan's trip to Switzerland, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for Naomi. Her pregnancy adds a layer of urgency that should be more pronounced in her dialogue and actions.
The transition from Naomi's confrontation to Jordan's voiceover could be smoother. Consider using a visual cue or a moment of silence to emphasize the weight of their conversation before shifting to Jordan's internal thoughts.
Jordan's drug use is depicted vividly, but it might be more impactful if we see the consequences of his actions on his relationships, particularly with Naomi. A brief moment where she expresses her fears about his lifestyle could heighten the tension.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and narrative flow of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I better highlight Naomi's emotional arc in this scene to reflect her concerns about Jordan's lifestyle?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between Naomi's confrontation and Jordan's voiceover?
How can I visually depict the consequences of Jordan's drug use on his relationships in this scene?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened further. Consider trimming some of the voiceover to maintain a brisker tempo, especially during the transitions between locations.
The humor in Jordan's voiceover is effective, but it could be balanced with moments of tension. For instance, after he mentions the 'amnesia phase,' a quick cut to Naomi's worried expression could juxtapose his carefree attitude with her anxiety.
The scene could benefit from more dynamic interactions between characters. For example, adding a moment where Naomi physically engages with Jordan while packing could heighten the emotional stakes and create a more visceral connection.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his fast-paced dialogue and character interactions, making him an excellent choice to critique the pacing and dynamics of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines or sections of the voiceover could be trimmed to improve the pacing of the scene?
How can I visually juxtapose Jordan's humor with Naomi's tension to create a more dynamic emotional landscape?
What physical actions can I incorporate to enhance the interactions between Jordan and Naomi in this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Naomi before she confronts Jordan, which could provide insight into her emotional state and heighten the tension of the confrontation.
Incorporate more visual storytelling elements to illustrate the chaos of Jordan's drug use, such as quick cuts or montages that juxtapose his high-energy moments with the consequences that follow.
Explore the emotional ramifications of Jordan's actions on his relationship with Naomi. This could be done through flashbacks or visual cues that highlight their past connection, making the current confrontation more impactful.
Tighten the pacing by ensuring that each phase of Jordan's drug use is linked to a specific narrative beat or consequence, creating a clearer cause-and-effect relationship that enhances the overall story arc.
Enhance the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie by including moments of vulnerability or doubt, which could add depth to their characters and make their reckless behavior more relatable.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Naomi's line to reflect her deeper emotional conflict, perhaps by adding a line that hints at her fears about Jordan's reckless behavior.
Make Jordan's response more layered by incorporating a moment of defensiveness or vulnerability, such as a brief pause before he responds.
Enhance the voiceover to include a moment of doubt or guilt, perhaps by having Jordan reflect on how his actions might affect his family.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character complexity can help elevate the emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific changes can I make to Naomi's dialogue to deepen her emotional conflict?
How can I structure Jordan's response to include a moment of vulnerability?
What techniques can I use to convey Jordan's internal struggle in his voiceover?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop Naomi's emotional arc by adding a line where she expresses her fears about Jordan's lifestyle, emphasizing the stakes of her pregnancy.
Create a more impactful transition between Naomi's confrontation and Jordan's voiceover by incorporating a visual cue, such as a lingering shot on Naomi's worried face.
Include a moment where Naomi physically engages with Jordan, such as grabbing his arm or stopping him from packing, to heighten the emotional tension.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional arcs can help create a more compelling narrative in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively convey Naomi's fears about Jordan's lifestyle in her dialogue?
What visual cues can I use to enhance the transition between Naomi's confrontation and Jordan's voiceover?
What specific physical actions can I incorporate to create a more dynamic interaction between Jordan and Naomi?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Tighten the pacing by trimming unnecessary voiceover lines, especially during transitions, to maintain a brisk tempo.
Balance the humor in Jordan's voiceover with moments of tension by cutting to Naomi's worried expression after he mentions the 'amnesia phase.'
Incorporate more dynamic interactions between Jordan and Naomi, such as having her physically engage with him while he packs, to enhance the emotional stakes.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in pacing and character dynamics can help create a more engaging and fast-paced scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines in the voiceover can be trimmed to improve pacing?
How can I visually juxtapose Jordan's humor with Naomi's tension for a more dynamic emotional landscape?
What physical actions can I add to enhance the interactions between Jordan and Naomi?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Humorous

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled negotiation
Humorous moments

Weaknesses

Limited emotional depth
Lack of character development

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan's desire for information and the Swiss banker's playful demeanor. However, the humor, while engaging, can sometimes detract from the gravity of the situation. The stakes of Jordan's inquiry about bank secrecy laws are significant, and the scene could benefit from a more serious undertone to emphasize the risks involved in his dealings.
The dialogue is sharp and witty, particularly Donnie's joke and Saurel's responses. However, the pacing feels uneven at times. The initial banter is entertaining but may lead to a loss of focus on the main objective of the meeting. Streamlining the dialogue to maintain tension and urgency could enhance the scene's impact.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his thoughts, which is a strong narrative device. However, the juxtaposition of his internal monologue with the external dialogue can be confusing. Clarifying the transitions between his thoughts and the spoken dialogue would help the audience follow the narrative more smoothly.
The visual elements, such as the impressive office and the fish tank, set a luxurious tone that contrasts with the underlying tension of the conversation. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery that highlights the opulence of the setting while also reflecting Jordan's internal conflict and desperation.
The ending of the scene, where Jordan realizes he needs a European passport for his plans, is a strong conclusion. However, it could be more impactful if it included a moment of reflection or a visual cue that signifies the weight of this realization, perhaps through a close-up on Jordan's face or a shift in the atmosphere.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and witty, particularly Donnie's joke about the national stereotypes. However, it could benefit from a more distinct rhythm to enhance the comedic timing. For instance, the punchline could be delivered with a pause for effect, allowing the audience to absorb the humor before moving on.
Jordan's directness in cutting to the point about bank secrecy laws is effective, but it could be more impactful if it contrasted more with the light-hearted banter that precedes it. This would heighten the tension and emphasize the gravity of the situation.
The use of voiceover is a strong choice, but it could be more integrated with the dialogue. For example, when Jordan thinks, 'Was that yodeling I just heard or did you just say what I thought you said?' it could be delivered as a sarcastic remark rather than a voiceover, allowing for a more dynamic interaction with Saurel.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of rhythm in writing, making him an ideal expert for critiquing the dialogue-heavy aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the comedic timing in the dialogue, particularly in Donnie's joke, to make it land more effectively?
What techniques can I use to better integrate voiceover with on-screen dialogue to create a more cohesive scene?
How can I create a stronger contrast between the light-hearted banter and the serious subject matter to heighten the tension?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the stakes regarding Jordan's legal situation, but it could delve deeper into the emotional weight of the characters. For instance, Jordan's motivations and fears about the investigation could be more explicitly stated, allowing the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
Saurel's character is intriguing, but his motivations could be clearer. What does he stand to gain from this meeting? Adding a hint of his own stakes could create a more dynamic interaction between him and Jordan.
The humor in the scene is well-placed, but it risks undermining the tension surrounding the investigation. Balancing the comedic elements with the seriousness of the situation is crucial to maintain the stakes.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen Jordan's emotional stakes in this scene to create a stronger connection with the audience?
What strategies can I use to clarify Saurel's motivations and make him a more compelling character in this interaction?
How can I balance the humor and tension in the scene to ensure that the stakes remain high?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a clear conflict regarding the bank's secrecy laws, but it could benefit from a more pronounced escalation. For example, as the conversation progresses, the stakes should feel increasingly high, leading to a climax where Jordan's desperation becomes palpable.
The use of visual elements, such as the fish tank, is a nice touch, but it could be leveraged further to symbolize the entrapment and danger of Jordan's situation. Perhaps the fish could be used metaphorically to reflect Jordan's own precarious position.
The dialogue is clever, but it could be more focused on revealing character motivations. Each line should serve to advance the plot or deepen our understanding of the characters involved.

Robert McKee is a renowned expert on story structure and conflict, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the dramatic tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to escalate the tension throughout the scene to create a more impactful climax?
How can I use visual symbolism, like the fish tank, to enhance the thematic elements of the scene?
What strategies can I employ to ensure that every line of dialogue serves a purpose in advancing the plot or character development?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain focus on the stakes of the meeting. While humor is important, it should not overshadow the urgency of Jordan's inquiries.
Enhance the contrast between the light-hearted banter and the serious implications of the conversation. This could be achieved by incorporating more subtle tension in the characters' body language and expressions.
Clarify the transitions between Jordan's voiceover and the spoken dialogue to ensure the audience can easily follow the narrative without confusion.
Add more descriptive imagery that reflects both the opulence of the bank and Jordan's internal conflict, perhaps by describing the fish tank in a way that symbolizes his entrapment in a luxurious but dangerous world.
Incorporate a visual cue or moment of reflection at the end of the scene to emphasize the weight of Jordan's realization about needing a European passport, enhancing the dramatic impact of the conclusion.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Donnie's joke to include a pause before the punchline to enhance comedic timing.
Consider having Jordan deliver his sarcastic thoughts aloud instead of as a voiceover to create a more dynamic interaction with Saurel.
Experiment with the rhythm of the dialogue to create a more engaging flow, particularly during the transitions between humor and seriousness.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and comedic timing can help refine the scene's humor and pacing.

Questions for AI

What specific techniques can I use to improve the rhythm of the dialogue in this scene?
How can I effectively transition from humor to seriousness in the dialogue to maintain audience engagement?
What are some examples of successful comedic timing in screenwriting that I can study for inspiration?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a moment where Jordan reflects on his fears regarding the investigation, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a conversation with Rugrat.
Clarify Saurel's motivations by hinting at his own stakes in the meeting, perhaps through subtle dialogue or body language.
Introduce a moment of tension where the humor is interrupted by a serious reminder of the stakes, such as a phone call or a sudden shift in Saurel's demeanor.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional stakes can enhance the depth and engagement of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to reveal a character's internal fears without resorting to exposition?
How can I subtly indicate a character's motivations through dialogue and action?
What techniques can I use to create a moment of tension that interrupts humor effectively?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce escalating stakes throughout the conversation, perhaps by having Saurel gradually reveal more about the potential consequences of Jordan's actions.
Use the fish tank as a metaphor for Jordan's situation, perhaps by having a moment where a fish struggles against the glass, paralleling Jordan's own entrapment.
Ensure that each line of dialogue serves to advance the plot or deepen character understanding, possibly by revisiting the dialogue to tighten it.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and conflict can help create a more compelling and dynamic scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively escalate tension in a dialogue-heavy scene without losing focus on character interactions?
What are some examples of visual metaphors in film that successfully enhance the narrative?
What strategies can I use to ensure that every line of dialogue contributes to character development or plot advancement?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Conflicted, Secretive, Intimate

Strengths

Tension-building
Character development
Emotional depth
Exploration of themes

Weaknesses

Potential for cliched dialogue
Risk of melodrama

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan's illicit activities and his attempts to maintain a facade of normalcy with Aunt Emma. The dialogue is sharp and reveals character motivations, particularly Jordan's desperation and Aunt Emma's playful yet cautious demeanor.
The juxtaposition of the serene setting of Hyde Park with the underlying chaos of Jordan's life creates a compelling contrast. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues that emphasize Jordan's internal struggle, such as his physical state or the environment around them reflecting his anxiety.
The flirtation between Jordan and Aunt Emma adds an unexpected layer of complexity to their relationship, but it risks crossing into uncomfortable territory. The scene should tread carefully to maintain a balance between dark humor and the potential for inappropriate implications.
Jordan's self-awareness about his addictions is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his emotional vulnerability. This would deepen the audience's connection to his character and highlight the consequences of his lifestyle.
The transition from the conversation with Aunt Emma to the subsequent scene with Naomi is abrupt. While it serves to illustrate Jordan's chaotic life, a smoother transition could enhance the narrative flow and maintain audience engagement.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue between Jordan and Aunt Emma is sharp and reveals character motivations effectively. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext in their exchanges. For instance, when Aunt Emma jokes about feeling like a character in an Ian Fleming novel, it could hint at her awareness of the danger involved in Jordan's plans, adding layers to her character.
Jordan's twitchiness is a strong visual cue of his drug use, but it could be emphasized further through his actions. For example, he could fidget with objects around him or exhibit more erratic behavior to heighten the tension and foreshadow his eventual downfall.
The flirtation between Jordan and Aunt Emma is intriguing but feels somewhat forced. It might be more effective if it were more subtle, allowing the audience to question the nature of their relationship without overtly stating it.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him ideal for critiquing the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in the dialogue between Jordan and Aunt Emma to create more tension?
What specific actions could I add to Jordan's character to visually represent his drug use more effectively?
How can I make the flirtation between Jordan and Aunt Emma feel more organic and less forced?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively establishes the stakes for Jordan, but it could benefit from a clearer sense of conflict. While Aunt Emma's playful attitude provides some levity, it might be more impactful if she expressed more concern about the legality of Jordan's plans, creating a stronger emotional conflict.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from their light banter to the serious admission of Jordan's drug and sex addictions could be smoother. Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that indicates a shift in tone before Jordan's confession.
Aunt Emma's character could be fleshed out further. What are her motivations for engaging in Jordan's plan? Adding a line or two that hints at her own desires or struggles could deepen her character and make the scene more engaging.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a clearer sense of conflict in the dialogue between Jordan and Aunt Emma?
What techniques can I use to improve the pacing of the scene, especially during the transition to Jordan's confession?
How can I develop Aunt Emma's character further to make her motivations more compelling?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is engaging, but it could be more dynamic. Consider incorporating rapid-fire exchanges that reflect the tension and urgency of Jordan's situation. This would not only heighten the stakes but also keep the audience on their toes.
The internal conflict within Jordan is hinted at but could be more pronounced. His admission of addiction feels like a turning point; consider having him struggle more visibly with this revelation, perhaps through physical reactions or a moment of hesitation before he speaks.
The scene could benefit from a stronger visual motif. For instance, the park setting could symbolize the facade of normalcy that Jordan is trying to maintain, contrasting with the chaos of his life. Incorporating more visual elements that reflect this duality could enhance the scene's impact.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and strong character dynamics, making him an excellent choice for critiquing the dialogue and internal conflict in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make the dialogue more dynamic and reflective of the tension in the scene?
What techniques can I use to better showcase Jordan's internal conflict during his admission of addiction?
How can I incorporate visual motifs that symbolize the contrast between Jordan's facade and his chaotic life?

General Suggestions

Incorporate more physical descriptions of Jordan's state to visually convey his anxiety and drug use, such as his fidgeting or sweating, to enhance the audience's understanding of his mental state.
Consider adding a moment where Aunt Emma expresses genuine concern for Jordan's well-being, which could create a more poignant contrast to the humor and flirtation, emphasizing the gravity of his situation.
Refine the flirtation between Jordan and Aunt Emma to ensure it remains playful without veering into discomfort. This could involve more subtlety in their exchanges, allowing the audience to interpret the tension without explicit implications.
Enhance the emotional stakes by including a moment where Jordan reflects on the potential consequences of involving Aunt Emma in his illegal activities, which could add depth to his character and the narrative.
Create a more seamless transition to the next scene by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two moments, such as the sound of cash falling or a lingering shot of the park that fades into the chaos of the beach house.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Add more subtext to the dialogue by having Aunt Emma subtly challenge Jordan's plans, hinting at her awareness of the risks involved.
Enhance Jordan's twitchiness by incorporating more physical actions that reflect his drug use, such as fidgeting with his watch or tapping his foot.
Make the flirtation more subtle by allowing the audience to infer the tension rather than stating it outright.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and subtext makes him well-suited to provide actionable suggestions for enhancing the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific lines could I add to Aunt Emma's dialogue to create more subtext?
How can I visually represent Jordan's drug use through his actions in the scene?
What techniques can I use to imply flirtation without making it overt?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a moment of concern from Aunt Emma regarding the legality of Jordan's plans to create a stronger emotional conflict.
Smooth the pacing by adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue before Jordan's confession to indicate a shift in tone.
Develop Aunt Emma's character by adding a line that reveals her own desires or struggles, making her motivations clearer.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional conflict makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the scene's depth.

Questions for AI

What specific lines could I add to Aunt Emma's dialogue to express her concern?
How can I visually indicate a shift in tone before Jordan's confession?
What motivations could I give Aunt Emma to deepen her character?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Incorporate rapid-fire dialogue exchanges to reflect the urgency of Jordan's situation and keep the audience engaged.
Showcase Jordan's internal conflict by having him physically react to his admission of addiction, perhaps through a moment of hesitation or a visible struggle.
Use visual motifs, such as the park setting, to symbolize the contrast between Jordan's facade and the chaos of his life.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's engagement and emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to create rapid-fire dialogue that maintains tension?
How can I visually represent Jordan's internal conflict during his confession?
What specific visual elements could symbolize the contrast between Jordan's facade and his chaotic life?

Genres: Crime, Drama, Comedy
Tone: Dark, Humorous, Tense

Strengths

Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled interactions
Intriguing plot development

Weaknesses

Some characters may lack depth
Limited emotional depth in certain interactions

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the absurdity and dark humor of Jordan's lifestyle, showcasing the lengths to which he and his associates will go to move illicit cash. However, the humor sometimes overshadows the gravity of their actions, which could lead to a disconnect for the audience regarding the consequences of their behavior.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly the banter between Chantalle and Brad. However, the use of stereotypes in Chantalle's accent and dialogue may come off as clichéd and could detract from her character's depth. It risks reducing her to a mere comedic prop rather than a fully realized character.
The conflict between Donnie and Brad is established but could be more pronounced. While the tension is present, the stakes feel low, and the audience may not fully grasp the implications of their disagreement. This could be enhanced by providing more context about their relationship and the potential fallout from their conflict.
Jordan's voiceover provides context but can feel intrusive at times. It might be more effective to show rather than tell, allowing the audience to infer the stakes and motivations through the characters' actions and interactions rather than relying heavily on exposition.
The pacing of the scene is uneven. The initial setup with Chantalle being taped is humorous, but the transition to the conflict between Donnie and Brad feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the comedic tone while building tension.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Chantalle's frustration and Brad's dismissive attitude. However, the humor could be elevated by tightening the exchanges to create more tension and conflict.
Jordan's voiceover provides context but could be more impactful if it directly related to the action happening on screen. For instance, instead of just stating facts about Brad, it could reflect Jordan's internal conflict or moral ambiguity regarding their actions.
The physical comedy of Chantalle being taped up is effective, but it risks overshadowing the underlying tension between Donnie and Brad. This tension should be more pronounced to enhance the stakes of the scene.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character dynamics, making him suitable for critiquing the dialogue and tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the dialogue be tightened to create more tension between characters, particularly between Donnie and Brad?
What techniques can be used to make Jordan's voiceover more impactful in relation to the on-screen action?
How can the physical comedy be balanced with the underlying tension to maintain the scene's stakes?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively showcases the absurdity of the characters' actions, but it could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. What is the underlying message about greed and morality that this scene is trying to convey?
Chantalle's character could be developed further to give her more agency in the scene. Instead of just being a passive participant, she could express her own motivations or frustrations more clearly.
The transition from the humorous setup to the conflict between Donnie and Brad feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene.

Linda Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing thematic elements and character agency in this scene.

Questions for AI

What thematic elements can be emphasized to give the scene a clearer message about greed and morality?
How can Chantalle's character be developed to provide her with more agency in the scene?
What techniques can be used to create a smoother transition between the humorous setup and the conflict?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a strong comedic element, but it lacks a clear dramatic arc. The stakes should be raised as the scene progresses, particularly with the conflict between Donnie and Brad.
Jordan's role in the scene feels passive. He should be more actively involved in the conflict, perhaps mediating between Donnie and Brad or revealing his own frustrations about the situation.
The ending of the scene, with Aunt Emma flying to Geneva, feels disconnected from the main action. It could be more effectively integrated to show the consequences of the characters' actions.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the scene's arc and character involvement.

Questions for AI

How can the dramatic arc be strengthened to raise the stakes throughout the scene?
What actions can Jordan take to become more actively involved in the conflict between Donnie and Brad?
How can Aunt Emma's storyline be better integrated into the main action of the scene?

General Suggestions

Consider deepening Chantalle's character by giving her more agency in the scene. Instead of just being a passive participant in the cash-taping, allow her to express her own motivations or frustrations more clearly, which could add depth to her character.
Enhance the conflict between Donnie and Brad by incorporating more backstory or stakes related to their relationship. This could involve a brief flashback or a line of dialogue that hints at past tensions, making their current disagreement feel more significant.
Reduce reliance on voiceover exposition. Instead, use visual storytelling to convey the stakes of the cash movement and the characters' motivations. This could involve showing the consequences of their actions in a more direct way.
Maintain the humor but balance it with moments that remind the audience of the serious implications of their actions. This could involve a brief moment of reflection from Jordan or another character that acknowledges the risks they are taking.
Consider adjusting the pacing to allow for a more gradual build-up to the conflict. This could involve extending the humorous setup before diving into the tension between Donnie and Brad, creating a more cohesive flow to the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to create sharper exchanges that heighten the tension between Donnie and Brad, perhaps by having them directly challenge each other's competence.
Incorporate Jordan's voiceover to reflect his internal conflict about the absurdity of the situation, perhaps questioning the morality of their actions as he watches the scene unfold.
Enhance the physical comedy by adding more visual gags that complement the dialogue, ensuring that the humor does not overshadow the tension.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the scene's humor and tension.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue changes could enhance the tension between Donnie and Brad?
How can Jordan's internal conflict be effectively expressed through voiceover?
What visual gags could be added to complement the humor without overshadowing the tension?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the thematic focus by incorporating dialogue that reflects on the consequences of their greed, perhaps through a moment of realization from Chantalle or Jordan.
Develop Chantalle's character by giving her a moment to express her feelings about being taped up, allowing her to assert her agency in the situation.
Create a more gradual transition to the conflict between Donnie and Brad by adding a moment of levity that leads into the tension, such as a humorous comment from Jordan that backfires.

Linda Seger's focus on thematic elements and character development can enhance the depth and flow of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue could clarify the thematic focus on greed and its consequences?
How can Chantalle's character be developed to assert her agency in the scene?
What moments of levity could be added to create a smoother transition into the conflict?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a clear dramatic arc by escalating the stakes as the scene progresses, perhaps by revealing the risks involved in moving the cash.
Have Jordan take a more active role in mediating the conflict between Donnie and Brad, showcasing his leadership and the pressure he feels from both sides.
Integrate Aunt Emma's storyline more effectively by having her appear in the scene, perhaps as a voice of reason or a reminder of the consequences of their actions.

Robert McKee's expertise in dramatic structure can help enhance the scene's tension and character involvement.

Questions for AI

How can the stakes be escalated throughout the scene to create a clearer dramatic arc?
What actions can Jordan take to actively mediate the conflict between Donnie and Brad?
How can Aunt Emma's storyline be integrated into the main action of the scene?

Genres: Crime, Drama, Comedy
Tone: Tense, Humorous, Chaotic

Strengths

Tension
Humor
Character Dynamics

Weaknesses

Potential Lack of Emotional Depth

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and absurd nature of the characters' lives, particularly through Donnie's erratic behavior and Brad's growing impatience. This contrast highlights the tension between their personalities, which is a strong point in the writing.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' dynamics well, especially the playful yet confrontational banter between Donnie and Brad. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact, particularly in the back-and-forth exchanges.
The introduction of the police sirens adds a layer of urgency and stakes to the scene, effectively escalating the tension. However, the transition from the confrontation to the police's arrival could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
The visual elements, such as the briefcase spilling money and Brad's subsequent actions, create a vivid image that enhances the absurdity of the situation. However, more sensory details could be added to immerse the audience further in the scene, such as the sounds of the parking lot or the visual chaos of the money spilling out.
The character motivations are clear, but Brad's impatience could be further emphasized through his body language and internal thoughts. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his frustration and the stakes involved in the exchange.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, particularly Donnie's playful yet confrontational nature. However, the pacing could be tightened; the back-and-forth between Brad and Donnie feels a bit drawn out, which may dilute the tension.
Brad's impatience is clear, but his motivations could be more explicitly stated. Why is he so desperate for the briefcase? Adding a line that hints at the stakes involved could heighten the urgency.
The physical confrontation feels abrupt. While it serves the narrative, it could benefit from a more gradual build-up to make the moment feel more earned.

Mamet is known for his mastery of dialogue and tension, making him an ideal expert to critique the verbal exchanges and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the tension in the dialogue between Brad and Donnie without losing the humor?
What techniques can I use to better convey Brad's desperation for the briefcase?
How can I create a more gradual build-up to the physical confrontation to make it feel more impactful?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively showcases the absurdity of the characters' lives, particularly through Donnie's antics. However, the humor might overshadow the underlying conflict. It’s important to balance comedy with the seriousness of the situation.
The introduction of the police adds a layer of urgency, but it feels somewhat tacked on. Consider foreshadowing the police presence earlier in the scene to build suspense.
Brad's character could be further developed. His frustration is evident, but exploring his backstory or motivations could add depth and make the audience more invested in his plight.

Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional stakes and narrative flow.

Questions for AI

How can I balance the humor and absurdity in the scene with the underlying tension of the situation?
What are some effective ways to foreshadow the police presence to enhance the suspense?
How can I deepen Brad's character to make his frustrations more relatable to the audience?

Critique by Shane Black

The scene has a strong comedic element, particularly with Donnie's antics, but it risks losing focus on the main conflict. Ensure that the humor serves the story rather than distracts from it.
The physicality of the confrontation is a strong choice, but it could be choreographed more clearly to enhance the visual storytelling. Consider how the characters move and interact in the space.
The ending, with Brad getting arrested, is impactful, but it could be more dramatic. Adding a moment of realization or regret for Brad before his arrest could heighten the emotional stakes.

Black is known for his ability to blend humor with action and drama, making him well-suited to critique the balance of comedy and conflict in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I ensure that the humor in the scene supports the main conflict rather than distracts from it?
What are some techniques for choreographing the physical confrontation to enhance visual storytelling?
How can I add a moment of realization for Brad before his arrest to increase the emotional impact of the scene?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to enhance the comedic timing and clarity. For example, some of Donnie's lines could be more concise to maintain the scene's pace.
Add more sensory details to the scene to create a richer atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, or visual chaos of the parking lot could enhance the audience's immersion.
Smooth out the transition between the confrontation and the police sirens to maintain narrative flow. Perhaps foreshadow the police presence earlier in the scene to build tension gradually.
Explore Brad's internal thoughts or feelings more deeply to give the audience insight into his impatience and frustration. This could be done through brief voiceovers or internal monologues.
Consider adding a moment of reflection for Donnie after the confrontation, showcasing his realization of the consequences of his actions. This could add depth to his character and set up future conflicts.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Consider trimming some of the dialogue to maintain a brisk pace. Focus on the most impactful lines that reveal character and advance the plot.
Add a line or two that hints at the stakes for Brad, such as a looming deadline or a threat from a higher authority, to clarify his desperation.
Build up to the physical confrontation by incorporating more tension in the dialogue, perhaps through escalating insults or threats before the fight breaks out.

Mamet's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene's effectiveness.

Questions for AI

What specific lines could I cut to improve the pacing of the dialogue?
How can I effectively hint at the stakes for Brad without over-explaining?
What techniques can I use to escalate the tension in the dialogue leading up to the confrontation?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate moments of seriousness amidst the humor to maintain a balance. Perhaps have Brad reflect on the consequences of their actions during the exchange.
Foreshadow the police presence by including subtle hints earlier in the scene, such as a police car passing by or a distant siren, to build suspense.
Develop Brad's character by adding a brief backstory or motivation that explains his urgency, making him more relatable to the audience.

Seger's expertise in character development and story structure provides valuable insights for enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific moments can I add to balance the humor with seriousness in the scene?
How can I effectively foreshadow the police presence without making it too obvious?
What elements of Brad's backstory could I incorporate to deepen his character?

Suggestion by Shane Black

Ensure that Donnie's comedic antics serve the story by tying them back to the main conflict. For example, have his humor reflect his own insecurities or fears about the situation.
Clarify the choreography of the physical confrontation to enhance the visual storytelling. Consider how the characters' movements can reflect their emotional states.
Add a moment of introspection for Brad before his arrest, perhaps a fleeting thought about his choices, to increase the emotional weight of the scene.

Black's ability to blend humor with action and drama makes his suggestions particularly relevant for maintaining the scene's balance.

Questions for AI

How can I tie Donnie's humor back to the main conflict to ensure it serves the story?
What techniques can I use to clarify the choreography of the physical confrontation?
What kind of introspective moment could I add for Brad to enhance the emotional impact before his arrest?

Genres: Drama, Crime
Tone: Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic

Strengths

Building tension
Effective character development
Engaging dialogue

Weaknesses

Potential lack of clarity on the characters' motivations

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the disillusionment and numbness that Jordan and Donnie are experiencing due to their drug use. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect their increasing desperation and frustration. The current exchanges feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more emotional weight or humor to enhance the absurdity of their situation.
The transition between the two parts of the scene (watching TV and then exercising) is somewhat abrupt. A more gradual transition could help maintain the flow and build tension. For example, showing them becoming increasingly restless while watching TV before deciding to work out could create a stronger narrative arc.
Naomi's entrance serves as a good reminder of the reality outside their drug-induced haze, but her dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating that Bo Dietl is on the phone, she could express concern or frustration about their behavior, adding depth to her character and the situation.
The use of 'Family Matters' as a backdrop is a clever choice, symbolizing the contrast between the mundane and the chaotic lives of Jordan and Donnie. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues that emphasize their drug-induced state, such as their physical appearance or the environment around them becoming increasingly surreal.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial boredom is established well, but the subsequent action of them working out could be more frenetic to match their drug-induced state. This could involve faster cuts or more frantic dialogue to convey their agitation.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene lacks the sharpness and rhythm that is characteristic of Mamet's work. For instance, Jordan and Donnie's exchanges feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more subtext and tension. Instead of simply stating their boredom, they could engage in a more dynamic back-and-forth that reveals their characters' desperation and disillusionment.
The scene's pacing could be improved. The transition from watching TV to exercising feels abrupt. Consider adding a moment of reflection or a humorous exchange that highlights their drug-induced state before they move to the treadmill.
Naomi's entrance is a pivotal moment, but her dialogue feels functional rather than impactful. It could be enhanced by giving her a more assertive presence, perhaps by expressing her frustration with Jordan's lifestyle in a more biting manner.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie to create more tension and subtext?
What techniques can I use to improve the pacing of the scene, especially during the transition from watching TV to exercising?
How can I make Naomi's character more assertive and impactful in her brief appearance?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While it captures a moment of boredom, it doesn't escalate into a conflict or reveal character development. Consider introducing a catalyst that forces Jordan and Donnie to confront their situation more directly.
Naomi's role in this scene is underutilized. She could serve as a catalyst for change, perhaps confronting Jordan about his drug use or expressing concern for their future. This would add depth to her character and create a more dynamic interaction.
The visual elements could be more symbolic. The setting of the basement could represent Jordan's descent into his vices, and this could be visually reinforced through the use of lighting or props that signify his deteriorating state.

Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

What elements can I introduce to create a clearer dramatic arc in this scene?
How can I better utilize Naomi's character to drive the narrative forward?
What visual symbols can I incorporate to enhance the thematic depth of the basement setting?

Critique by Shonda Rhimes

The emotional stakes in this scene feel low. To heighten the tension, consider incorporating a moment where Jordan and Donnie's drug use leads to a significant consequence, such as a realization about their lives or a confrontation with Naomi.
The humor in the scene could be more pronounced. Rhimes often uses humor to balance darker themes, and this scene could benefit from more comedic elements that highlight the absurdity of their situation.
The relationship dynamics between Jordan, Donnie, and Naomi could be explored further. For instance, showing more of Naomi's emotional state regarding Jordan's drug use would add depth to her character and create a more compelling conflict.

Rhimes is known for her strong character relationships and emotional storytelling, making her perspective valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I raise the emotional stakes in this scene to create a more impactful moment?
What comedic elements can I introduce to balance the darker themes of drug use and boredom?
How can I deepen the relationship dynamics between Jordan, Donnie, and Naomi in this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie, perhaps incorporating references to their past or their fears about the future to deepen their characters and the stakes of the scene.
Introduce a visual motif that symbolizes their drug use and its effects, such as a clock ticking faster or the room becoming increasingly chaotic as they consume more pills, to enhance the sense of urgency and disorientation.
Enhance Naomi's character by giving her a more assertive or emotional reaction to Jordan and Donnie's behavior, which could create a stronger conflict and highlight the consequences of their lifestyle.
Explore the idea of their drug tolerance further by having them discuss past experiences with drugs, which could serve as a moment of reflection and add depth to their characters.
Consider using a voiceover from Jordan that reflects his internal thoughts during this scene, providing insight into his mindset and the consequences of his actions, which could add a layer of complexity to the narrative.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to include more subtext. For example, instead of Jordan simply asking if Donnie feels anything, he could imply a deeper concern about their drug use and its effects on their lives.
Add a humorous exchange before they start exercising that highlights their drug-induced state, perhaps referencing past escapades or their current feelings of inadequacy.
Enhance Naomi's dialogue to reflect her frustration with Jordan's lifestyle, perhaps by using a metaphor or a sharp retort that showcases her intelligence and assertiveness.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue revisions can I make to enhance subtext and tension between Jordan and Donnie?
Can you provide examples of humorous exchanges that could fit the tone of this scene?
How can I craft Naomi's dialogue to make her character more assertive and impactful?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a conflict that arises from their drug use, such as a phone call that reveals a serious consequence of their actions, prompting a moment of clarity for Jordan and Donnie.
Give Naomi a more active role by having her confront Jordan about his drug use, perhaps expressing her fears for their family and future, which would create a more dynamic interaction.
Incorporate visual symbols that reflect Jordan's deteriorating state, such as clutter or dim lighting in the basement, to enhance the thematic depth of the scene.

Seger's focus on story structure and character development provides actionable suggestions for enhancing the narrative and emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

What kind of conflict could I introduce to create a more engaging dramatic arc in this scene?
How can I write Naomi's confrontation with Jordan to make it impactful and character-driven?
What visual elements can I use to symbolize Jordan's deteriorating state in the basement?

Suggestion by Shonda Rhimes

Incorporate a moment where Jordan and Donnie's drug use leads to a significant realization about their lives, perhaps triggered by a phone call or a memory that surfaces during their conversation.
Add comedic elements that highlight the absurdity of their situation, such as a humorous exchange about their workout routine or a ridiculous scenario they imagine while under the influence.
Explore Naomi's emotional state more deeply, perhaps by showing her frustration or concern through her body language and expressions, making her a more active participant in the scene.

Rhimes' expertise in character relationships and emotional storytelling offers valuable insights for enhancing the emotional depth and humor in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a moment of realization for Jordan and Donnie that heightens the emotional stakes of the scene?
What comedic scenarios could I incorporate to balance the darker themes of drug use and boredom?
How can I visually and emotionally convey Naomi's frustration and concern in this scene?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Intense, Suspenseful, Chaotic, Desperate

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Effective portrayal of escalating tension
Compelling character dynamics

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful
Certain moments could be more focused

General Critique

The scene effectively captures Jordan's drug-induced state, using humor and absurdity to highlight his deteriorating condition. The dialogue between Jordan and Bo Dietl is sharp and conveys urgency, but it could benefit from more tension as Jordan realizes the gravity of his situation.
The use of voiceover is a strong narrative device here, providing insight into Jordan's mental state and adding a layer of dark humor. However, the transition between his thoughts and the action could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
The physical comedy of Jordan crawling and rolling down the stairs is visually engaging and fits the tone of the film. However, it may come off as too slapstick for some viewers, potentially undermining the seriousness of the situation he finds himself in.
The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where it feels rushed, particularly when transitioning from the phone call with Bo to Jordan's physical struggle. A bit more time spent on his realization of the situation could heighten the stakes.
The dialogue is humorous and captures the chaotic nature of Jordan's life, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more emotional weight. For instance, Jordan's reaction to Brad being in jail could be more layered, reflecting his concern for his friend amidst his own crisis.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the urgency of the situation, particularly in Jordan's frantic responses to Bo Dietl. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext in their conversation. For instance, while Jordan expresses anger towards Donnie, it might be more impactful if he also reveals a hint of self-doubt or fear about his own situation, which would add depth to his character.
The physicality of Jordan's drug-induced state is well portrayed, but the transition from his conversation with Bo to his physical collapse could be more fluid. The visual cues of his deterioration are strong, but the pacing feels slightly rushed. Consider extending the moment where he struggles to stay coherent before collapsing to heighten the tension.
The use of voiceover is effective in conveying Jordan's internal state, but it could be more tightly integrated with the action. For example, when he describes the 'cerebral palsy phase,' it could be juxtaposed with a visual gag or action that emphasizes his helplessness.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice to critique the dialogue and character dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in Jordan's dialogue to reflect his internal struggles more effectively?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between dialogue and physical action in a scene like this?
How can I better integrate voiceover with visual storytelling to enhance the emotional impact?

Critique by Sofia Coppola

The scene captures a chaotic and disorienting atmosphere that aligns well with Jordan's drug-induced state. However, it could benefit from a stronger emotional core. While the humor is present, the stakes feel somewhat diluted. Consider adding a moment where Jordan reflects on the consequences of his actions, perhaps through a brief flashback or a more poignant voiceover.
The visual elements are engaging, particularly the physical comedy of Jordan crawling and rolling down the stairs. However, the setting could be more evocative. Adding details about the environment, such as the decor of the basement or the sounds of the outside world, could enhance the sense of isolation and desperation.
The relationship dynamics between Jordan and Bo could be explored further. Bo's concern for Jordan's safety is evident, but it might be interesting to show a moment of vulnerability from Jordan, revealing how he feels about his current situation and his reliance on Bo.

Sofia Coppola is adept at capturing emotional nuances and character relationships, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen the emotional stakes in a scene that is primarily comedic and chaotic?
What specific visual details can I incorporate to enhance the atmosphere and setting in this scene?
How can I better explore the relationship dynamics between characters in a high-stress situation?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The rapid-fire dialogue is engaging and reflects the urgency of the situation, but it could be tightened further. Some lines feel repetitive, particularly in Jordan's responses. Streamlining his dialogue could maintain the tension without losing the frantic energy.
The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the transition from the phone call to Jordan's physical collapse could be more dynamic. Consider using quick cuts or interspersing Bo's dialogue with visual cues of Jordan's decline to create a more visceral experience.
The humor in the scene is well-placed, but it might be beneficial to balance it with moments of seriousness. For instance, after Jordan's collapse, a brief moment of silence or a reaction shot from Bo could emphasize the gravity of the situation.

Aaron Sorkin is known for his fast-paced dialogue and ability to balance humor with serious themes, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

What strategies can I use to tighten dialogue without losing the urgency of the scene?
How can I create a more dynamic transition between dialogue and physical action to enhance pacing?
What techniques can I employ to balance humor and seriousness in a high-stakes scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment of reflection for Jordan after the call with Bo, where he contemplates the implications of having his phones tapped and what that means for his future. This could add depth to his character and heighten the tension.
To improve the transition between Jordan's thoughts and actions, try using more visual cues or physical reactions that align with his internal monologue, creating a stronger connection between his mental state and physical actions.
Explore the possibility of having Bo Dietl express more urgency or concern during the phone call, which could amplify the tension and make Jordan's subsequent actions feel more desperate.
Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. For example, describe the sounds of the night or the feeling of the cold air as Jordan crawls, which could ground the viewer in his chaotic experience.
Consider refining the humor in Jordan's physical struggle to ensure it complements the scene's tone without overshadowing the seriousness of his situation. Balancing comedy with the gravity of his circumstances will create a more impactful moment.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Incorporate more subtext into Jordan's dialogue, allowing him to express not just anger but also fear or self-doubt about his situation.
Extend the moment where Jordan struggles to stay coherent before collapsing, allowing for a more dramatic build-up to his physical breakdown.
Tighten the integration of voiceover with visual storytelling, perhaps by using visual gags that align with his descriptions of his drug-induced state.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character depth makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively weave subtext into dialogue to enhance character depth?
What are some techniques for building dramatic tension through pacing and physical action?
How can I create visual storytelling that complements voiceover narration?

Suggestion by Sofia Coppola

Add a moment of reflection for Jordan that highlights the consequences of his actions, perhaps through a brief flashback or poignant voiceover.
Enhance the setting by incorporating more sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of isolation and desperation in the basement.
Explore the relationship dynamics between Jordan and Bo by including a moment of vulnerability from Jordan, revealing his feelings about his situation.

Sofia Coppola's focus on emotional depth and character relationships provides valuable insights for enhancing the scene's emotional core.

Questions for AI

What are effective ways to incorporate reflective moments into a chaotic scene?
How can I use sensory details to create a more immersive setting?
What techniques can I use to reveal character vulnerability in high-stress situations?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Streamline Jordan's dialogue to eliminate repetition and maintain the tension throughout the scene.
Create a more dynamic transition from the phone call to Jordan's collapse by using quick cuts or interspersing Bo's dialogue with visual cues of Jordan's decline.
Balance the humor with moments of seriousness, such as a reaction shot from Bo after Jordan's collapse to emphasize the gravity of the situation.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

What are some effective methods for tightening dialogue in a fast-paced scene?
How can I enhance pacing through dynamic transitions between dialogue and action?
What strategies can I use to balance humor and seriousness in a high-stakes narrative?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Frantic, Chaotic, Humorous

Strengths

Effective blend of drama and comedy
Tension-filled moments
Character dynamics and development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be hard to follow due to the characters' drug-induced state

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic and absurd nature of Jordan and Donnie's drug-fueled state, showcasing their disorientation and the dark humor that permeates the narrative. However, the dialogue can be difficult to follow due to the heavy use of slurred speech and nonsensical phrases, which may alienate the audience. While this reflects their intoxication, it could benefit from clearer communication to maintain engagement.
The juxtaposition of the Popeye cartoon with the life-and-death situation adds a layer of dark comedy, but it may come off as jarring for some viewers. The tonal shift from humor to urgency could be smoothed out to enhance the emotional impact of the scene. The cartoon serves as a metaphor for Jordan's inflated sense of strength and capability, but this connection could be made more explicit.
Jordan's internal monologue provides insight into his character and his complicated feelings towards Donnie, which is a strong narrative choice. However, the voiceover could be more concise to maintain pacing and keep the audience focused on the action. The humor in his thoughts about saving Donnie is effective, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation if not balanced carefully.
The physicality of the scene, particularly the CPR and Heimlich maneuver, is well-executed and creates tension. However, the description of breaking Donnie's ribs could be more grounded in reality to avoid pulling the audience out of the moment. The exaggerated nature of the scene is fitting for the film's tone, but it should still adhere to some level of believability.
The ending, where Jordan passes out on the couch, serves as a fitting conclusion to the chaos, but it could be enhanced by showing the immediate aftermath of Donnie's recovery. This would provide a clearer resolution to the tension and allow for a more impactful transition to the next scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by William Goldman

The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of Jordan and Donnie's drug-induced state, but it risks losing clarity amidst the absurdity. For instance, Jordan's dialogue becomes increasingly incoherent, which may confuse the audience rather than enhance the comedic effect.
The physical comedy of Donnie choking and Jordan's frantic attempts to save him is a strong visual moment, but the transition from absurdity to a life-threatening situation could be more seamless. The juxtaposition of humor and danger is present, but it feels slightly disjointed.
Naomi's role as a grounding presence is crucial, yet her reactions could be more pronounced to heighten the stakes. Her urgency in the situation is clear, but adding a line that reflects her emotional turmoil could deepen the audience's connection to her character.

Goldman is known for his expertise in crafting engaging narratives that balance humor and drama, making him suitable for critiquing the tonal shifts in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the balance between humor and tension be better achieved in this scene, particularly in Jordan's dialogue?
What techniques can be used to ensure that the audience remains engaged and understands the stakes during chaotic moments?
How can Naomi's character be further developed in this scene to enhance her emotional impact?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene's structure is effective in building tension, but it could benefit from clearer character motivations. Jordan's actions seem erratic, which may distract from the urgency of saving Donnie.
The use of voiceover from Jordan provides insight into his thoughts, but it could be more focused. The commentary on Donnie's impact on his life feels somewhat detached from the immediate crisis.
The pacing of the scene is frenetic, which works well for the drug-induced chaos, but it may overwhelm the audience. Consider slowing down certain moments to allow for emotional beats, especially during the CPR attempt.

Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing the clarity and emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What strategies can be employed to clarify character motivations in high-stakes scenes like this one?
How can voiceover be used more effectively to enhance emotional engagement without detracting from the action?
What pacing techniques can help balance frenetic energy with necessary emotional moments?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue is lively and captures the characters' intoxicated states, but it could be sharpened for greater impact. Some lines feel repetitive, which dilutes their effectiveness.
The scene's climax, where Jordan attempts to save Donnie, is compelling, but the dialogue during this moment could be more concise to heighten the urgency. Consider cutting extraneous dialogue to focus on the action.
The visual elements, particularly the contrast between the cartoon and the chaos in the kitchen, are strong. However, the scene could benefit from more dynamic staging to emphasize the physicality of the characters' interactions.

Sorkin is renowned for his sharp dialogue and ability to create tension through character interactions, making his perspective valuable for refining the dialogue and pacing in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can dialogue be tightened to maintain tension and urgency in a chaotic scene?
What techniques can be used to enhance the physical staging of characters to better convey their emotional states?
How can the visual elements be further integrated with the dialogue to create a more cohesive scene?

General Suggestions

Consider simplifying the dialogue during the intoxicated exchanges to ensure clarity while still conveying their disorientation. This will help the audience stay engaged and understand the stakes of the scene.
Explore ways to deepen the connection between the cartoon and the events unfolding in the kitchen. Perhaps include a line of dialogue that explicitly ties Jordan's actions to the cartoon's themes of strength and resilience.
Refine the voiceover to focus on key emotional beats, ensuring it complements the action rather than detracts from it. This will help maintain pacing and keep the audience invested in the moment.
Reassess the physicality of the CPR scene to ensure it remains grounded in reality while still capturing the absurdity of the situation. This balance will enhance the tension and keep the audience immersed in the drama.
Consider adding a brief moment after Donnie's recovery to show the immediate emotional fallout, allowing for a smoother transition to the next scene and providing closure to the chaos.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by William Goldman

Consider revising Jordan's dialogue to maintain clarity while still reflecting his intoxicated state. This could involve simplifying his speech patterns to ensure the audience understands his intentions.
Enhance the transition from humor to danger by incorporating more visual cues that signal the shift in tone, such as close-ups of Naomi's worried expressions or the escalating chaos in the kitchen.
Add a line for Naomi that expresses her fear or frustration, which would deepen her character and heighten the emotional stakes of the scene.

Goldman's focus on narrative clarity and emotional engagement makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue changes could clarify Jordan's intentions while maintaining his intoxicated persona?
How can visual storytelling be used to signal shifts in tone more effectively?
What emotional lines could be added for Naomi to enhance her character's depth?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify Jordan's motivations by adding a moment of reflection before he confronts Donnie, which could ground his erratic behavior in a more relatable context.
Refine the voiceover to focus on the immediate crisis, perhaps by having Jordan reflect on his past with Donnie in a way that connects to the urgency of the moment.
Slow down the pacing during the CPR attempt to allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation, perhaps by lingering on Jordan's expressions of desperation.

Seger's expertise in character development and story structure provides valuable insights for enhancing the clarity and emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can be used to clarify character motivations in chaotic scenes?
How can voiceover be adjusted to enhance emotional engagement without detracting from the action?
What pacing adjustments could help emphasize the emotional weight of the CPR attempt?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Tighten the dialogue by cutting repetitive lines and focusing on the urgency of the situation. For example, streamline Jordan's frantic speech to emphasize key phrases that convey his desperation.
During the CPR sequence, reduce the dialogue to focus on the physical actions and the urgency of saving Donnie, allowing the visuals to carry the emotional weight.
Enhance the staging by incorporating more dynamic movements, such as Jordan stumbling or knocking over objects in his frantic state, to visually represent the chaos.

Sorkin's focus on sharp dialogue and dynamic character interactions makes his suggestions particularly relevant for refining the scene's pacing and impact.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can be cut or revised to tighten the dialogue and maintain urgency?
How can the physical actions during the CPR sequence be emphasized to enhance emotional impact?
What staging techniques could be employed to visually convey the chaos of the scene?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Biography
Tone: Intense, Tense, Reflective

Strengths

Tension-filled atmosphere
Character introspection
High-stakes negotiations

Weaknesses

Lack of standout dialogue moments
Limited emotional impact

General Critique

The scene effectively uses flashbacks to juxtapose Jordan's reckless behavior with the consequences faced by his associates, particularly Brad. This technique highlights the theme of accountability and the chaotic lifestyle that Jordan leads, which is a strong narrative choice.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset, showcasing his arrogance and denial about the severity of his actions. However, the voiceover could be more impactful if it included more emotional depth, reflecting on the consequences of his actions beyond just his own survival.
The dialogue between Manny Riskin and Jordan is informative, but it feels somewhat expository. While it conveys necessary information about the legal situation, it could benefit from a more natural flow or conflict to enhance the tension. Manny's character could express more urgency or frustration to reflect the gravity of the situation.
The scene transitions from the chaos of Jordan's driving to a serene moment at the horse farm, which is visually striking. However, the emotional connection between Jordan and his family could be deepened. Showing more of Jordan's internal conflict about his family versus his reckless lifestyle would add layers to his character.
The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The flashback sequence is quick and chaotic, while the conversation with Manny slows down significantly. Balancing these elements could enhance the overall flow and maintain the audience's engagement.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively uses flashbacks to juxtapose Jordan's reckless behavior with the consequences faced by Brad, creating a strong narrative contrast. However, the transition between the Lamborghini scene and the police station feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset, but it could be more impactful if it revealed deeper emotional stakes. For instance, exploring Jordan's guilt or fear about his lifestyle could add layers to his character.
Manny Riskin's dialogue about Jordan's luck is compelling, but it could benefit from more dramatic tension. Perhaps adding a moment where Jordan visibly struggles with the implications of the deal could heighten the stakes.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for analyzing the narrative flow and emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the emotional depth of Jordan's voiceover to reflect his internal conflict more vividly?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between the flashback and the police station scene?
How can I increase the dramatic tension in Manny's dialogue to better reflect the stakes of Jordan's situation?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of showcasing the consequences of Jordan's actions through Brad's predicament. However, it could benefit from more visual storytelling. For example, showing the aftermath of Jordan's reckless driving could provide a more visceral understanding of his impact.
Manny's advice to Jordan about making a deal with the SEC is crucial, but it lacks urgency. Adding a ticking clock element, such as a deadline for the deal, could heighten the tension and force Jordan to make a quicker decision.
The dialogue between Jordan and Manny is informative but could be more dynamic. Incorporating interruptions or overlapping dialogue could reflect the chaotic nature of their lives.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and the importance of visual storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What visual elements can I incorporate to better illustrate the consequences of Jordan's reckless behavior?
How can I introduce a sense of urgency to Manny's proposal about the SEC deal?
What techniques can I use to make the dialogue between Jordan and Manny feel more dynamic and reflective of their chaotic lives?

Critique by William Goldman

The scene captures the essence of Jordan's chaotic life, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional anchor. Perhaps introducing a moment where Jordan reflects on his family while discussing the SEC deal could ground the scene.
The pacing feels uneven; the transition from the police station back to the horse farm could be more fluid. Consider using a visual motif or sound cue to link these moments.
While the dialogue is sharp, it could use more subtext. For instance, when Manny talks about Jordan's luck, there could be an underlying tension that hints at Manny's own doubts about Jordan's future.

William Goldman is renowned for his understanding of dialogue and pacing, making his perspective valuable for refining the scene's rhythm and emotional resonance.

Questions for AI

How can I create a stronger emotional anchor for Jordan in this scene to enhance the stakes?
What techniques can I use to improve the pacing and transitions between the police station and the horse farm?
How can I incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reflect the underlying tensions in Jordan's relationships?

General Suggestions

Consider adding more emotional weight to Jordan's voiceover, perhaps reflecting on the impact of his actions on others, not just himself. This could create a more complex character arc.
Incorporate more dynamic dialogue between Jordan and Manny that reveals their relationship and the stakes involved. This could include more tension or disagreement about the proposed deal.
Explore Jordan's internal conflict more deeply during the scene at the horse farm. Show his struggle between the allure of his past life and the responsibilities of being a family man.
Adjust the pacing by interspersing moments of tension with quieter, reflective beats. This could help maintain engagement and allow the audience to digest the gravity of the situation.
Consider using visual motifs or symbols to represent Jordan's internal struggle, such as contrasting images of his family with the chaos of his past, to enhance the thematic depth of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Consider adding a moment where Jordan reflects on the potential consequences of his actions, perhaps through a brief flash of a family scene that contrasts with his reckless behavior.
Enhance the transition between the Lamborghini scene and the police station by using a sound cue or visual motif that links the two moments, such as the sound of sirens or a quick cut to a police car.

Robert McKee's focus on narrative structure and character depth makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What specific techniques can I use to visually link the Lamborghini scene with the police station to create a more cohesive narrative?
How can I effectively incorporate a moment of reflection for Jordan that highlights his internal conflict?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a visual representation of the consequences of Jordan's reckless driving, such as a montage of news reports or police footage that highlights the chaos he caused.
Add a ticking clock element to Manny's proposal, perhaps by having him mention an impending deadline for the SEC deal, which would force Jordan to confront his choices more urgently.

Linda Seger's expertise in visual storytelling and character arcs provides valuable insights for enhancing the scene's tension and impact.

Questions for AI

What visual storytelling techniques can I use to effectively convey the consequences of Jordan's actions?
How can I create a sense of urgency in Manny's dialogue to enhance the stakes of the SEC deal?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Incorporate a moment where Jordan's thoughts drift to his family while discussing the SEC deal, grounding the scene in his emotional stakes.
Improve the pacing by using quick cuts or overlapping dialogue during the conversation between Jordan and Manny to reflect the chaotic nature of their lives.

William Goldman's insights into dialogue and pacing are essential for refining the scene's rhythm and emotional depth.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively ground the scene in Jordan's emotional stakes while discussing the SEC deal?
What pacing techniques can I use to create a more dynamic and chaotic dialogue exchange between Jordan and Manny?

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Motivational, Reflective, Celebratory

Strengths

Compelling character interactions
Motivational dialogue
Emotionally impactful moments

Weaknesses

Limited external conflict
Some cliched motivational speech elements

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy and fervent loyalty of the brokers at Stratton Oakmont, showcasing Jordan's charismatic leadership. However, the transition from Jordan's announcement of his departure to his sudden decision to stay feels abrupt. This could be smoothed out with more internal conflict or hesitation from Jordan, allowing the audience to better understand his thought process.
Jordan's speech is filled with motivational rhetoric, which is fitting for his character, but it risks becoming clichéd. While the audience is meant to feel inspired, the over-the-top nature of his declarations could benefit from a more nuanced approach that reveals his underlying insecurities or doubts about his decision.
The use of Kimmie Belzer as a personal anecdote is a strong choice, as it humanizes Jordan and illustrates his impact on others. However, the scene could delve deeper into Kimmie's backstory or her feelings about Jordan's leadership to create a more emotional connection for the audience.
The dialogue is energetic and engaging, but some lines could be trimmed for brevity. For instance, Jordan's lengthy monologue about Stratton being bigger than any one person could be condensed to maintain the audience's attention and enhance the pacing.
The scene's climax, where Jordan declares 'THE SHOW GOES ON,' is powerful, but it could be enhanced by showing more of the brokers' reactions in real-time, rather than relying solely on the applause. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience, allowing them to feel the collective excitement and chaos.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively captures the emotional high of Jordan's speech, but it lacks a clear dramatic arc. While Jordan's charisma is evident, the stakes of his departure are not fully realized. What does leaving mean for him and the firm? The audience needs to feel the weight of this decision.
Jordan's transition from announcing his departure to declaring 'the show goes on' feels abrupt. This shift could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the emotional impact.
The use of Kimmie Belzer as a personal story is a strong choice, but it could be more impactful if it tied back to Jordan's own vulnerabilities or failures, creating a deeper connection between him and the brokers.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him ideal for analyzing the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the dramatic stakes in Jordan's speech to make his departure feel more significant?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition from Jordan's announcement of leaving to his declaration of staying?
How can I better connect Kimmie's story to Jordan's character arc to deepen the emotional resonance?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a great job of showcasing Jordan's persuasive abilities, but it could benefit from more conflict. The brokers' initial disbelief could be expanded to show a range of emotions, including anger or betrayal, to create tension.
Jordan's speech is filled with motivational language, but it risks becoming cliché. Incorporating more specific anecdotes or personal stakes could make it feel fresher and more relatable.
The camaraderie among the brokers is palpable, but the scene could explore the underlying tensions or doubts they might have about Jordan's leadership, adding complexity to their reactions.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and the importance of conflict, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to introduce more conflict among the brokers during Jordan's speech to heighten the tension?
How can I avoid clichés in Jordan's motivational speech while still maintaining its inspirational tone?
What elements can I add to explore the brokers' doubts about Jordan's leadership to create a more nuanced scene?

Critique by William Goldman

The dialogue is engaging, but it could be tightened to maintain a brisk pace. Some lines feel a bit long-winded, which could detract from the urgency of the moment.
Jordan's charisma is evident, but the scene could benefit from moments of vulnerability or doubt to make him more relatable. Right now, he comes off as overly confident.
The visual elements of the scene could be more dynamic. Consider incorporating more physical actions or reactions from the brokers to enhance the energy of the moment.

William Goldman is renowned for his sharp dialogue and understanding of pacing, making his perspective crucial for refining the scene's delivery.

Questions for AI

How can I tighten the dialogue in Jordan's speech to keep the pacing brisk and engaging?
What specific moments can I add to showcase Jordan's vulnerability to make him more relatable to the audience?
What visual elements can I incorporate to enhance the energy and dynamism of the brokers' reactions during the speech?

General Suggestions

Introduce a moment of hesitation or doubt from Jordan before he makes the decision to stay, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that reflects his internal struggle.
Consider incorporating more varied emotional responses from the brokers during Jordan's speech, showcasing a range of feelings from joy to concern, which would add depth to the scene.
Shorten some of Jordan's dialogue to keep the pacing tight and maintain the audience's engagement, focusing on the most impactful lines that convey his message.
Enhance the emotional weight of Kimmie's story by including a brief moment where she expresses her gratitude or shares her feelings about Jordan's leadership, making her more than just a prop in Jordan's narrative.
Add visual elements that capture the brokers' reactions in real-time during the climax, such as close-ups of their faces or shots of them cheering, to create a more dynamic and immersive atmosphere.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a moment of hesitation or doubt from Jordan before he declares he is not leaving, perhaps reflecting on the consequences of his decision.
Add a visual cue, such as a close-up of a broker's worried face, to emphasize the stakes of Jordan's departure and the uncertainty it brings.
Incorporate a moment where Jordan acknowledges the potential fallout of his decision, creating a more layered emotional experience.

Robert McKee's focus on dramatic stakes and character complexity makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific moments can I add to highlight the stakes of Jordan's departure and his internal conflict?
How can I visually represent the uncertainty among the brokers to enhance the emotional weight of the scene?
What dialogue can I include to show Jordan's awareness of the consequences of his actions?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Incorporate a moment where a broker challenges Jordan's decision, creating immediate conflict and showcasing the differing opinions within the firm.
Add a personal anecdote from Jordan that ties back to his journey with Stratton, making his speech feel more authentic and grounded.
Explore the reactions of the brokers more deeply, showing a range of emotions from joy to skepticism, to create a more complex atmosphere.

Linda Seger's expertise in character development and conflict makes her suggestions essential for adding depth to the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively introduce a challenge to Jordan's authority during his speech to create conflict?
What personal anecdotes can I weave into Jordan's speech to enhance its authenticity?
How can I depict the brokers' varied reactions to Jordan's speech to create a richer emotional landscape?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Edit the dialogue to make it more concise, focusing on punchy lines that maintain the audience's attention.
Introduce a moment where Jordan falters or shows a hint of vulnerability, perhaps by recalling a past failure or a personal sacrifice.
Incorporate more physicality in the scene, such as brokers standing up, cheering, or showing visible concern, to create a more dynamic atmosphere.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions crucial for refining the scene's delivery and impact.

Questions for AI

What specific lines can I cut or revise to tighten the dialogue and maintain a brisk pace?
How can I effectively showcase Jordan's vulnerability without undermining his charismatic persona?
What physical actions can I include to enhance the energy and engagement of the brokers during the speech?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Comedy
Tone: Chaotic, Intense, Humorous

Strengths

Complex characters
Sharp dialogue
Tension-filled conflict

Weaknesses

Some scenes may feel rushed
Limited character development in certain moments

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the chaotic atmosphere surrounding Jordan and his firm as they face legal troubles, using humor and absurdity to highlight the characters' reckless behavior. However, the transition from the serious implications of subpoenas to the comedic moment of Donnie urinating on a subpoena feels jarring and may undermine the gravity of the situation. This tonal shift could confuse the audience about how to feel about the characters' actions.
Jordan's voiceover provides insight into his mindset and the escalating pressure from the SEC, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. While the humor is present, the stakes feel somewhat diluted. The audience should feel the weight of the impending legal consequences more acutely, which could be achieved by contrasting the humor with moments of genuine concern or fear from the characters.
The dialogue is sharp and captures the characters' personalities well, but some lines, particularly in the phone conversation with Rugrat, could be tightened for clarity and impact. The back-and-forth could be more dynamic, emphasizing the urgency of the situation rather than allowing it to feel somewhat repetitive.
The visual elements, such as the duffel bags full of money and drugs, effectively illustrate the characters' hedonistic lifestyle. However, the scene could benefit from more varied visuals to break up the dialogue-heavy sections. Incorporating more action or physical comedy could enhance the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
The emotional climax of the scene, where Naomi reveals her aunt's death, feels abrupt and could be better foreshadowed. The audience should have a stronger sense of impending doom leading up to this moment, which would make the revelation more impactful. Additionally, Jordan's reaction could be more nuanced, reflecting both his personal loss and the potential financial implications.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the chaotic nature of Jordan's life, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Jordan reacts to Rugrat's news about Steve Madden, his anger could be layered with a sense of betrayal that goes beyond the immediate situation.
The use of voiceover is effective in conveying Jordan's internal thoughts, but it sometimes detracts from the immediacy of the action. Consider allowing more of the tension to unfold through the characters' interactions rather than relying heavily on voiceover.
The humor in Donnie urinating on the subpoena is a strong comedic moment, but it risks undermining the gravity of the legal situation. Balancing humor with the seriousness of the impending legal troubles could enhance the stakes.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting expert to critique the dialogue and character interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Jordan's dialogue to deepen his emotional state during the phone call with Rugrat?
What techniques can I use to maintain tension in the scene without relying too heavily on voiceover?
How can I balance the comedic elements with the serious nature of the legal troubles to maintain the stakes?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively showcases the escalating tension in Jordan's life, but it could benefit from clearer character arcs. For instance, how does this moment impact Jordan's relationship with Donnie moving forward?
The transition from the office to the yacht feels abrupt. Consider adding a moment that bridges these two locations to enhance the flow of the narrative.
While the humor is present, the emotional stakes could be heightened by showing more of Naomi's reaction to the news about Aunt Emma. This could add depth to her character and highlight the personal consequences of Jordan's actions.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and story structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing character arcs and emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to clarify the character arcs for Jordan and Donnie in this scene?
How can I create a smoother transition between the office and the yacht to maintain narrative flow?
In what ways can I deepen Naomi's emotional response to Aunt Emma's death to enhance the stakes for Jordan?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a strong setup with the legal troubles, but the stakes could be raised further. What are the specific consequences Jordan faces if he doesn't act quickly regarding Steve Madden's shares?
The pacing of the scene is uneven; the comedic moments with Donnie could be interspersed with more serious beats to create a rhythm that reflects the chaos of Jordan's life.
The climax of the scene, where Jordan learns about Aunt Emma's death, is impactful, but it could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene to enhance its emotional weight.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and dramatic tension, making him well-suited to critique the stakes and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I raise the stakes for Jordan regarding the consequences of Steve Madden's actions?
What techniques can I use to create a more even pacing that reflects the chaotic nature of the scene?
How can I effectively foreshadow Aunt Emma's death to enhance the emotional impact of that moment?

General Suggestions

Consider balancing the humor with more serious moments to maintain the stakes of the legal troubles. This could involve showing the characters' genuine fear or concern about the consequences they face.
Enhance the dialogue during the phone call with Rugrat by making it more concise and impactful. Focus on the urgency of the situation to heighten tension.
Incorporate more varied visual elements to break up the dialogue-heavy sections. This could include physical comedy or action that reflects the chaos of their lifestyle.
Foreshadow the emotional climax regarding Aunt Emma's death more effectively. Build tension leading up to this moment to make it feel more significant and impactful.
Explore Jordan's emotional response to Aunt Emma's death in greater depth, showing how it affects him personally and financially, which could add layers to his character.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Jordan's dialogue during the phone call with Rugrat to include more layered emotions, perhaps hinting at his feelings of betrayal and fear of losing control.
Reduce the reliance on voiceover by allowing Jordan's reactions and interactions with Donnie to convey his internal conflict more vividly.
Consider toning down the humor of Donnie urinating on the subpoena or juxtaposing it with a more serious reaction from Jordan to maintain the scene's stakes.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character interaction makes his suggestions valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue changes can I make to enhance the emotional depth of Jordan's character in this scene?
How can I visually represent Jordan's internal conflict without relying on voiceover?
What alternative comedic moments could maintain humor while preserving the scene's tension?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Develop a clearer arc for Jordan and Donnie by including a moment of tension or conflict that hints at their future relationship dynamics.
Add a brief moment that transitions from the office to the yacht, perhaps showing Jordan's state of mind as he leaves the office, to create a smoother narrative flow.
Incorporate a scene where Naomi reacts to Aunt Emma's death, perhaps showing her concern for Jordan's emotional state, to deepen her character and the stakes.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and narrative flow makes her suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's emotional impact.

Questions for AI

What specific moments can I add to clarify the relationship dynamics between Jordan and Donnie?
How can I create a visual or narrative bridge between the office and yacht scenes?
What dialogue or actions can I include to enhance Naomi's character and her emotional response to Aunt Emma's death?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce specific consequences for Jordan regarding Steve Madden's actions, perhaps through a conversation with Manny Riskin that outlines the potential fallout.
Adjust the pacing by alternating between comedic and serious moments, allowing the audience to feel the chaos of Jordan's life while maintaining tension.
Foreshadow Aunt Emma's death earlier in the scene, perhaps through a conversation about family or health, to enhance the emotional weight of the moment.

Robert McKee's expertise in dramatic structure and tension makes his suggestions essential for enhancing the stakes and pacing of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific consequences can I introduce to raise the stakes for Jordan regarding Steve Madden?
How can I structure the scene to create a rhythm that reflects both the humor and tension of Jordan's life?
What subtle hints can I include to foreshadow Aunt Emma's death and make the moment more impactful?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Frantic, Desperate, Sarcastic

Strengths

Fast-paced dialogue
High-stakes situation
Complex character interactions
Tension-building

Weaknesses

Potentially overwhelming amount of information
Some characters' motivations may be unclear at times

General Critique

The scene effectively captures Jordan's frantic and self-serving nature, showcasing his prioritization of financial gain over familial obligations. This aligns well with the established character arc, emphasizing his moral decline.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the chaotic energy of the moment, particularly Jordan's rapid-fire speech. However, it could benefit from more varied pacing to enhance the tension and urgency of the situation.
The intercutting between Saurel and Jordan is a strong choice, as it visually represents the distance between their worlds while maintaining the urgency of Jordan's situation. However, the emotional weight of the aunt's death could be more pronounced, as it feels overshadowed by Jordan's immediate concerns.
The use of nautical terminology and references to the map adds a layer of authenticity to the scene, but it may alienate viewers who are not familiar with such terms. Simplifying some of the jargon could make the scene more accessible.
The character dynamics are well-established, particularly the tension between Jordan and Naomi regarding the funeral. However, Naomi's character could be further developed to show her emotional conflict more clearly, as she seems to be sidelined in this moment of chaos.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is sharp and reflects the urgency of Jordan's situation, but it could benefit from more subtext. For example, when Jordan says, 'I realize that but we have to go to Switzerland,' it feels a bit too on-the-nose. Consider adding layers to his motivations, perhaps hinting at his desperation or guilt over his aunt's death.
Jordan's character is portrayed as frantic and self-serving, which is consistent with his arc. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by showing more of his internal conflict regarding his aunt's death versus his greed. This could be achieved through a brief moment of hesitation or reflection before he insists on the trip.
The pacing is frenetic, which suits the chaotic nature of Jordan's life, but it risks losing the audience's connection to the emotional weight of the situation. A moment of silence or a slower beat could ground the scene before the chaos ensues.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character motivations, making him a fitting choice for critiquing the dialogue and emotional stakes in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate more subtext into Jordan's dialogue to reflect his internal conflict?
What techniques can I use to balance the frenetic pacing with moments of emotional depth in this scene?
How can I better illustrate the stakes of Jordan's decisions regarding his aunt's death?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively showcases Jordan's relentless pursuit of wealth, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional arc. Consider how Jordan's actions affect his relationships, particularly with Naomi. Her concern about the funeral is dismissed too quickly, which could create tension and conflict.
The introduction of Captain Ted adds a layer of authority, but his role could be expanded to emphasize the danger of Jordan's decisions. Perhaps he could express more concern about the weather, which would heighten the stakes of their journey.
The intercutting between Jordan on the boat and Saurel in Geneva is effective, but it could be enhanced by showing more of Saurel's reactions to Jordan's frantic behavior. This would create a stronger contrast between their environments and highlight Jordan's desperation.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen the emotional arc of Jordan's character in this scene?
What specific actions can Captain Ted take to emphasize the danger of Jordan's decisions?
How can I better illustrate the contrast between Jordan's frantic energy and Saurel's calm demeanor?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene has a clear goal for Jordan, which is to secure his aunt's money, but the stakes could be raised further. What does Jordan stand to lose if he fails? This could be articulated through a more explicit acknowledgment of the consequences of his actions.
The conflict between Jordan and Naomi is present but not fully realized. Their dynamic could be explored more deeply, perhaps by having Naomi express her feelings about the funeral more forcefully, which would create a more compelling emotional conflict.
The visual elements are strong, particularly the nautical map, but consider how to use the setting to reflect Jordan's internal chaos. For instance, the storm could serve as a metaphor for his turbulent emotions and the impending disaster of his choices.

Robert McKee is an expert in story structure and conflict, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the stakes and emotional dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific stakes can I introduce to heighten the tension in Jordan's goal?
How can I better develop the conflict between Jordan and Naomi in this scene?
What visual metaphors can I incorporate to reflect Jordan's internal chaos?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a moment where Jordan reflects on his aunt's death, even briefly, to provide a contrast to his otherwise self-centered behavior. This could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
Introduce a moment of hesitation or conflict within Jordan before he decides to prioritize the trip over attending the funeral. This could add complexity to his character and make the audience question his choices.
Enhance Naomi's role in the scene by giving her a more assertive stance against Jordan's plans. This could create a stronger emotional conflict and highlight the strain in their relationship.
Incorporate visual cues that emphasize the chaos of the situation, such as close-ups of Jordan's frantic expressions or the reactions of the crew, to heighten the tension and urgency.
Consider varying the pacing of the dialogue to create moments of silence or slower exchanges that can amplify the tension and allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Jordan's dialogue to include more subtext, perhaps by having him express a fleeting moment of regret or guilt about his aunt's death before pivoting back to his self-serving agenda.
Introduce a moment of silence or a slower beat after Jordan receives the news about his aunt, allowing the audience to absorb the emotional weight before the chaos resumes.
Consider adding a line where Jordan reflects on his aunt's influence on his life, which could create a more complex emotional landscape.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character motivation can help refine the emotional depth and subtext in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively incorporate moments of silence to enhance emotional impact?
What are some examples of subtext in dialogue that could work in this scene?
How can I show Jordan's internal conflict without slowing down the pacing too much?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Enhance Naomi's role by giving her a more forceful stance on attending the funeral, which would create tension and conflict with Jordan's plans.
Expand Captain Ted's dialogue to include more concern about the weather, emphasizing the risks of Jordan's decisions and foreshadowing potential disaster.
Show Saurel's reactions to Jordan's frantic behavior, perhaps through a bemused or concerned expression, to highlight the contrast between their situations.

Linda Seger's focus on character relationships and emotional stakes can enhance the dynamics between Jordan and Naomi in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to show character conflict in dialogue?
How can I illustrate the stakes of Jordan's decisions through other characters' reactions?
What techniques can I use to deepen Naomi's emotional conflict in this scene?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Clarify the stakes for Jordan by explicitly stating what he stands to lose if he fails to secure his aunt's money, perhaps through a line of dialogue that references his financial instability.
Develop the conflict between Jordan and Naomi by having her express her feelings about the funeral more passionately, which would create a more compelling emotional conflict.
Use the storm as a visual metaphor for Jordan's internal chaos, perhaps by having the weather worsen as he becomes more frantic, reflecting the consequences of his reckless decisions.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and conflict can help elevate the stakes and emotional dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively raise the stakes for Jordan in this scene?
What are some ways to deepen the emotional conflict between Jordan and Naomi?
How can I use visual metaphors to enhance the storytelling in this scene?

Genres: Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Chaotic, Intense, Dramatic

Strengths

Intense atmosphere
Realistic portrayal of crisis
Engaging conflict

Weaknesses

Limited character development due to focus on immediate danger

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension with the impending disaster of the yacht being caught in a gale, which mirrors Jordan's chaotic lifestyle. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it reflected the gravity of the situation rather than relying on humor and drug references. This would enhance the stakes and emotional weight of the moment.
Jordan's character is consistent with his reckless persona, but his insistence on retrieving drugs in a life-threatening situation feels exaggerated and may detract from the realism of the scene. It could be beneficial to explore his desperation in a way that doesn't undermine the seriousness of the impending disaster.
The transition from the chaos on the yacht to the rescue by the Italian naval destroyer is abrupt. While the humor in the voiceover about being rescued is entertaining, it may lessen the tension built up in the previous moments. A smoother transition that maintains the urgency of the situation would enhance the flow of the narrative.
The visual imagery of the yacht tipping and the subsequent mayday call is strong, but the description of the rogue wave could be more vivid to heighten the sense of danger. Using more sensory details could immerse the audience further into the scene.
The voiceover at the end, while humorous, feels disconnected from the immediate emotional turmoil of the characters. It might be more effective to show the characters' reactions to the explosion of the plane rather than narrating it, allowing the audience to experience the shock and realization alongside Jordan.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively builds tension with the gale warning and the chaos on the yacht, but it could benefit from deeper character motivations. For instance, Jordan's insistence on retrieving drugs instead of focusing on the safety of the crew and passengers reveals his addiction, yet this could be emphasized more through his internal conflict.
Naomi's anger towards Jordan is palpable, but her character could be further developed by showing her emotional stakes in this situation. What does she stand to lose? This could heighten the dramatic stakes.
The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities, but it could be more layered. For example, when Jordan says, 'I can’t die fucking sober!' it’s a strong line, but it could also hint at his deeper fears about losing control, which would resonate more with the audience.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for analyzing the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance Jordan's internal conflict in this scene to make his addiction more impactful?
What techniques can I use to deepen Naomi's emotional stakes in this chaotic situation?
How can I layer the dialogue to reflect deeper character motivations while maintaining the scene's tension?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene's pacing is effective, but it could benefit from a clearer structure. The transition from the chaos of the yacht to the calm of the Italian naval destroyer feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the narrative flow.
The use of voiceover at the end is clever, but it might be more impactful if it tied back to the immediate stakes of the scene. For example, if Jordan's reflection connected more directly to the chaos they just experienced, it would create a stronger thematic resonance.
The humor in the scene, particularly with Donnie's antics, is a nice touch, but it risks undermining the tension. Balancing the comedic elements with the seriousness of the situation is crucial to maintain the stakes.

Linda Seger specializes in screenplay structure and character arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's pacing and thematic depth.

Questions for AI

What are some techniques to create smoother transitions between chaotic and calm scenes?
How can I ensure that Jordan's voiceover ties back to the immediate stakes of the scene for greater impact?
What strategies can I use to balance humor and tension in high-stakes situations?

Critique by William Goldman

The scene is visually engaging, but it could benefit from more specificity in the action descriptions. For instance, describing the physical sensations of the storm could immerse the audience further into the chaos.
Jordan's character is well-established as reckless, but this scene could show a moment of vulnerability or realization amidst the chaos. This would add depth to his character and make his eventual decisions more impactful.
The dialogue is snappy, but some lines could be trimmed for brevity. For example, Captain Ted's lines could be more concise to heighten the urgency of the situation.

William Goldman is renowned for his sharp dialogue and character-driven narratives, making his perspective valuable for refining the scene's dialogue and character depth.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the sensory details in the action descriptions to create a more immersive experience?
What moments of vulnerability can I introduce for Jordan to deepen his character in this scene?
What are some effective ways to trim dialogue for brevity while maintaining the urgency of the situation?

General Suggestions

Consider revising the dialogue to reflect a more serious tone during the crisis, emphasizing the characters' fear and urgency rather than relying on humor.
Explore Jordan's desperation for drugs in a way that highlights his addiction without overshadowing the life-threatening situation. Perhaps show a moment of hesitation or conflict within him before he makes the decision to retrieve the drugs.
Create a more gradual transition from the chaos of the yacht to the rescue scene, perhaps by including a moment of reflection or a brief pause that allows the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation.
Enhance the description of the rogue wave with more sensory details, such as the sound of the crashing water or the feeling of the boat being tossed, to create a more immersive experience.
Instead of using voiceover to describe the explosion of the plane, consider showing the characters' reactions to it in real-time, allowing the audience to feel the shock and gravity of the moment.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Incorporate internal monologue for Jordan during the chaos to reveal his fears and motivations, enhancing the audience's understanding of his addiction.
Develop Naomi's character by adding a line that reflects her emotional stakes, such as a memory of their child or a fear of losing Jordan to his reckless behavior.
Consider adding a moment where Jordan hesitates before asking for the drugs, showcasing a flicker of awareness about his addiction and its consequences.

Robert McKee's focus on character depth and internal conflict makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to incorporate internal monologue in a high-stakes scene?
How can I create a line for Naomi that reflects her emotional stakes without detracting from the tension?
What techniques can I use to show Jordan's hesitation in a way that feels authentic to his character?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Create a more gradual transition from the chaos of the yacht to the calm of the naval destroyer by adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue that connects the two settings.
Revise Jordan's voiceover to directly reference the chaos they just experienced, perhaps by reflecting on the absurdity of their situation in light of the near-death experience.
Balance the humor by ensuring that Donnie's actions serve to heighten the tension rather than diffuse it, perhaps by showing the consequences of their reckless behavior.

Linda Seger's expertise in screenplay structure and thematic development makes her suggestions valuable for improving the scene's flow and resonance.

Questions for AI

What are some techniques to create a gradual transition between chaotic and calm scenes?
How can I revise Jordan's voiceover to make it more thematically resonant with the preceding chaos?
What strategies can I use to ensure that humor enhances rather than undermines tension in a scene?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Add sensory details to the action descriptions, such as the sound of the waves crashing or the feeling of the boat tilting, to immerse the audience in the chaos.
Introduce a moment where Jordan shows vulnerability, perhaps by expressing a fleeting thought about his family or the consequences of their situation.
Trim Captain Ted's dialogue to make it more urgent, focusing on key phrases that convey the gravity of the situation without unnecessary exposition.

William Goldman's emphasis on immersive storytelling and character depth makes his suggestions essential for refining the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively add sensory details to action descriptions to enhance immersion?
What are some ways to introduce vulnerability in Jordan's character without losing the scene's momentum?
What techniques can I use to trim dialogue for urgency while maintaining clarity?

Genres: Drama, Crime, Biography
Tone: Serious, Reflective, Informative

Strengths

Effective character development
Engaging dialogue
Emotional impact

Weaknesses

Some repetitive elements in the infomercial sequence

General Critique

The scene effectively contrasts Jordan's previous chaotic lifestyle with his current, seemingly healthier state, which adds depth to his character arc. However, the transition from his chaotic past to this moment of calm feels abrupt and could benefit from more context or reflection on how he arrived at this point.
The dialogue between Jordan and Naomi is functional but lacks emotional weight. While it establishes their domestic life, it doesn't delve into the complexities of their relationship, especially given the tumultuous history they've shared. More subtext or tension in their exchange could enhance the scene.
The infomercial segment serves as a clever narrative device to showcase Jordan's transformation and his continued manipulation of others. However, the tone shifts from a personal moment to a commercial feel, which may disrupt the flow. A smoother transition between these two elements would help maintain engagement.
Jordan's voiceover is effective in conveying his persuasive philosophy, but it risks feeling overly didactic. The audience may benefit from seeing more of Jordan's persuasive techniques in action rather than just hearing about them, which could create a more dynamic and engaging scene.
The visual elements, such as the contrast between the infomercial's amateurish quality and Jordan's polished persona, are strong. However, the scene could further utilize visual storytelling to illustrate the disparity between his past and present, perhaps through flashbacks or symbolic imagery.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively contrasts Jordan's current state of health and stability with his chaotic past, but it lacks dramatic tension. The stakes feel low as Jordan is merely completing paperwork. Consider introducing a conflict or obstacle that he must overcome in this moment.
Naomi's entrance and dialogue serve to remind the audience of their family life, but her character feels underdeveloped in this scene. It would be beneficial to explore her emotional state regarding Jordan's past and their current life.
The infomercial segment is a clever way to showcase Jordan's persuasive skills, but it could benefit from a stronger connection to the emotional stakes of the scene. How does this infomercial reflect his internal conflict or the consequences of his past actions?

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him suitable for analyzing the dramatic elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I increase the dramatic tension in this scene while maintaining the focus on Jordan's character development?
What specific actions or dialogue could deepen Naomi's character and her relationship with Jordan in this moment?
How can I better connect the infomercial segment to the emotional stakes of the scene?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of showing Jordan's transition into a more stable life, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the overall narrative arc. Consider how this moment fits into the larger themes of redemption and consequence.
Naomi's role in the scene is primarily functional, serving to remind Jordan of his responsibilities. It would be more impactful if her dialogue reflected her own struggles or doubts about their life together.
The infomercial is a strong visual element, but it could be enhanced by showing more of the audience's reactions to Jordan's claims. This would provide a clearer picture of his influence and the potential consequences of his actions.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and thematic development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's connection to the overall narrative.

Questions for AI

How can I better integrate this scene into the overarching themes of the screenplay?
What dialogue could I add to Naomi's character to give her more depth and agency in this scene?
How can I depict the audience's reactions to Jordan's infomercial to enhance its impact?

Critique by William Goldman

The scene has a good setup with Jordan's health and the mundane task of paperwork, but it lacks a strong hook to engage the audience. Consider starting with a more dynamic moment that draws viewers in immediately.
The transition from Jordan's personal moment to the infomercial feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene and keep the audience engaged.
While the infomercial showcases Jordan's salesmanship, it could benefit from a more humorous or ironic tone, reflecting the absurdity of his situation and the audience's potential skepticism.

William Goldman is known for his sharp dialogue and engaging storytelling, making his perspective valuable for improving the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

What could be a more engaging opening moment for this scene that captures the audience's attention?
How can I create a smoother transition between Jordan's personal moment and the infomercial segment?
What elements of humor or irony could I incorporate into the infomercial to enhance its effectiveness?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jordan before Naomi enters, allowing him to contemplate his past and the choices that led him to this point. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
Enhance the dialogue between Jordan and Naomi by incorporating more tension or unresolved issues from their past. This could create a richer emotional landscape and make their interactions more compelling.
Smooth the transition between the living room scene and the infomercial by using a visual or auditory cue, such as a fade or a sound effect, to signal the shift in tone and setting.
Incorporate a scene or flashback that demonstrates Jordan's persuasive skills in action, rather than relying solely on voiceover. This could provide a more engaging and immersive experience for the audience.
Explore the use of visual metaphors or motifs that represent Jordan's journey from chaos to control, such as contrasting images of his past lifestyle with his current domesticity, to reinforce the themes of the scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a conflict for Jordan in this scene, such as a phone call from a creditor or a reminder of his past mistakes that he must confront while completing his paperwork.
Develop Naomi's character by adding a line or two that reveals her concerns about Jordan's past and their future, creating a more emotionally charged interaction.
Connect the infomercial to Jordan's internal struggle by having him reflect on how far he's come and the potential for losing it all again, adding depth to his sales pitch.

Robert McKee's focus on conflict and character development makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific conflict could I introduce to heighten the stakes in this scene?
How can I enhance Naomi's dialogue to reflect her emotional state and concerns about their life?
What internal reflections could Jordan have during the infomercial to connect it to his character arc?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Weave in thematic elements by having Jordan reflect on the consequences of his past actions while he works on the balance sheets, perhaps through a voiceover that hints at his internal conflict.
Give Naomi a more active role by having her challenge Jordan on his priorities, asking him if he truly believes in the values he's promoting in the infomercial.
Enhance the infomercial by including brief testimonials from attendees that highlight the disparity between their expectations and the reality of Jordan's past, adding a layer of irony.

Linda Seger's expertise in thematic development and character arcs makes her suggestions valuable for enriching the scene.

Questions for AI

How can I incorporate thematic elements into Jordan's internal dialogue during this scene?
What lines could I give Naomi to challenge Jordan's values and deepen their relationship dynamic?
How can I add testimonials to the infomercial that create irony and highlight the consequences of Jordan's past?

Suggestion by William Goldman

Start the scene with a more dynamic moment, such as Jordan receiving a surprising phone call or an unexpected visitor that disrupts his focus on the paperwork.
Create a more seamless transition to the infomercial by having Jordan react to something on the TV that triggers his memories or thoughts about his past, making the connection more organic.
Infuse humor into the infomercial by having Jordan acknowledge the absurdity of his situation, perhaps with a self-deprecating comment that resonates with the audience.

William Goldman's focus on engaging storytelling and humor makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the scene's overall impact.

Questions for AI

What engaging opening moment could I use to draw the audience into this scene?
How can I create a more organic transition from Jordan's personal moment to the infomercial?
What humorous elements could I incorporate into the infomercial to enhance its appeal?

Genres: Crime, Drama, Biography
Tone: Dramatic, Intense, Dark, Humorous

Strengths

Strong character development
Engaging plot progression
Effective use of tension and conflict

Weaknesses

Some scenes may be overwhelming with multiple subplots and characters

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the gravity of Jordan's legal troubles, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional connection to the characters involved. While the dialogue and voiceover convey the seriousness of the situation, the visual elements and character interactions feel somewhat detached. Adding more emotional weight to Jordan's reaction to his indictment could enhance the audience's investment in his character.
The use of voiceover is prevalent throughout the scene, which can be effective for exposition but risks feeling overused. It might be more impactful to show Jordan's reactions and thoughts through his actions and expressions rather than relying heavily on voiceover. This would allow the audience to experience the moment with him rather than being told what he feels.
The transition from the arrest of Rocky Aoki to Jordan's courtroom scene feels abrupt. While the montage of events is a common technique, ensuring smoother transitions between these significant moments could help maintain narrative flow. Consider using visual or thematic links to connect these scenes more cohesively.
The humor in Jordan's voiceover about the absurdity of his situation (e.g., the Benihana reference) is a strong element, but it may come off as flippant given the serious nature of the charges he faces. Balancing humor with the gravity of the situation is crucial; too much levity can undermine the stakes of the narrative.
The dialogue between Jordan and his attorney, Nolan Drager, is informative but could be more dynamic. Adding tension or conflict in their exchange could heighten the stakes and showcase Jordan's desperation. For instance, Nolan could express frustration over Jordan's previous decisions that led to this moment, creating a more layered interaction.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively uses voiceover to convey Jordan's internal monologue, which is a strong choice for establishing his character's perspective. However, the transition from the arrest of Rocky Aoki to Jordan's courtroom scene feels abrupt. It would benefit from a smoother narrative flow that connects these events more cohesively.
The humor in Jordan's voiceover about the absurdity of his situation is well-executed, but it risks undermining the gravity of the legal troubles he faces. Balancing the comedic elements with the seriousness of the charges could enhance the emotional impact.
The introduction of the judge and the legal proceedings is clear, but the dialogue could be tightened. For instance, the judge's list of charges could be delivered in a more dramatic fashion to heighten the tension.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and ability to blend humor with serious themes, making him a fitting expert for critiquing the tonal balance in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the transition between Rocky Aoki's arrest and Jordan's courtroom scene be made smoother while maintaining the comedic tone?
What techniques can be used to balance humor and seriousness in a scene that deals with legal troubles?
How can the dialogue of the judge be made more impactful while still conveying the necessary information?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing the stakes with Jordan's legal troubles, but it could delve deeper into the emotional ramifications for Jordan and Naomi. Their relationship is strained, and this could be highlighted more through their interactions.
The character of Nolan Drager serves as a crucial support for Jordan, but his role could be expanded to show more of his personality and how he reacts to the unfolding chaos. This would add depth to their dynamic.
The visual elements, such as the contrast between the luxurious setting and the impending doom of legal consequences, are effective. However, more emphasis on Jordan's physical reactions to the news could enhance the tension.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the relational dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the emotional stakes between Jordan and Naomi be heightened in this scene?
What additional details could be added to Nolan Drager's character to make his support for Jordan more impactful?
How can Jordan's physical reactions be emphasized to convey his emotional state more effectively?

Critique by Aaron Sorkin

The dialogue in the courtroom scene is functional but lacks the punchy, rapid-fire quality that could elevate the tension. Consider incorporating more back-and-forth exchanges between Jordan and his attorney to create a sense of urgency.
The voiceover is effective, but it could be interspersed with more visual storytelling. For example, showing Jordan's reactions to the charges being read could provide a more visceral experience for the audience.
The scene could benefit from a stronger closing moment that leaves the audience with a sense of foreboding. Perhaps a lingering shot of Jordan's face as he processes the gravity of his situation would enhance the emotional weight.

Aaron Sorkin is renowned for his sharp dialogue and ability to create tension through character interactions, making his perspective valuable for improving the dialogue and pacing of this scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can be used to create more dynamic dialogue exchanges in a courtroom setting?
How can visual storytelling be integrated with voiceover to enhance the emotional impact of a scene?
What are effective ways to conclude a scene that leaves the audience with a sense of foreboding?

General Suggestions

Incorporate more visual storytelling to convey Jordan's emotional state during the arraignment. Close-ups of his expressions or body language could provide insight into his internal struggle.
Consider reducing the reliance on voiceover by allowing Jordan's actions and reactions to speak for themselves. This could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Enhance the transitions between scenes by using thematic elements or visual motifs that connect the events, making the narrative flow more seamless.
Balance the humor in Jordan's voiceover with the seriousness of the situation. Ensure that the comedic elements do not detract from the gravity of the legal consequences he faces.
Revise the dialogue between Jordan and Nolan to include more tension or conflict, showcasing the stakes of the situation and Jordan's desperation to maintain control over his life.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jordan between the arrest of Aoki and the courtroom scene, perhaps showing him in a moment of solitude or panic, which would create a more seamless transition.
Revise the judge's dialogue to include more dramatic pauses or emphatic statements that underscore the severity of the charges, enhancing the tension in the courtroom.
Incorporate a visual cue, such as a close-up of Jordan's face, to capture his reaction to the charges being read, emphasizing the weight of the moment.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the dramatic tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the emotional weight of Jordan's reaction be visually represented in the courtroom scene?
What specific changes can be made to the judge's dialogue to increase its dramatic impact?
How can a moment of reflection for Jordan enhance the narrative flow between scenes?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a moment where Naomi expresses her feelings about the legal troubles, perhaps through a brief exchange with Jordan after the arraignment, to deepen their emotional connection.
Expand Nolan Drager's character by including a line or two that reveals his personal stakes in Jordan's case, which would add complexity to their relationship.
Incorporate a visual motif, such as a clock ticking in the background, to symbolize the urgency of Jordan's situation and the pressure he faces.

Linda Seger's focus on character development and emotional arcs makes her suggestions valuable for enhancing the relational dynamics in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue could be added to enhance the emotional stakes between Jordan and Naomi?
How can Nolan Drager's character be developed further to show his investment in Jordan's case?
What visual motifs could effectively symbolize the urgency of Jordan's legal troubles?

Suggestion by Aaron Sorkin

Revise the courtroom dialogue to include more rapid exchanges between Jordan and Nolan, creating a sense of urgency and tension as they navigate the legal landscape.
Integrate visual storytelling by showing Jordan's physical reactions to the charges, such as sweat or a change in posture, to convey his emotional state more effectively.
End the scene with a powerful visual moment, such as a close-up of Jordan's face as he realizes the gravity of his situation, leaving the audience with a sense of foreboding.

Aaron Sorkin's expertise in dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for improving the dialogue and emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can rapid dialogue exchanges be structured to create a sense of urgency in a courtroom scene?
What specific visual cues can be used to enhance Jordan's emotional state during the arraignment?
What techniques can be employed to create a powerful closing moment that leaves the audience with a sense of foreboding?

Genres: Drama, Crime
Tone: Tense, Reflective, Supportive

Strengths

Exploration of loyalty and consequences
Emotional depth
Introduction of new conflicts

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more dynamic

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan's personal life and his legal troubles, showcasing the emotional weight of his situation. However, the transition from the pool area to the U.S. Attorney's office feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
The dialogue between Jordan and Donnie is engaging and highlights their camaraderie, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, while Donnie expresses loyalty, there could be hints of doubt or fear about their future, adding depth to their friendship.
Jordan's internal conflict regarding loyalty and betrayal is introduced but not fully explored. The voiceover provides insight into his thoughts, but it could be more impactful if it were woven into the dialogue or actions, allowing the audience to experience his turmoil in real-time.
The introduction of the U.S. Attorney's office scene is effective in raising the stakes, but the dialogue from the attorneys could be more dynamic. The legal jargon is necessary, but it risks losing the audience's engagement. Simplifying some of the language or adding more dramatic flair could enhance the tension.
The emotional tone shifts from a moment of friendship to a serious legal confrontation, which is effective but could be more pronounced. The contrast between the light-hearted banter at the pool and the gravity of the U.S. Attorney's office could be emphasized through visual cues or sound design.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively captures the theme of loyalty among Jordan's associates, particularly through Donnie's gesture of pooling money to help Jordan. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring Jordan's internal conflict more deeply. For instance, while he is touched by the gesture, there should be a moment where he grapples with the implications of his friends' loyalty amidst his legal troubles.
The dialogue is witty and captures the characters' personalities well, but it could benefit from more subtext. For example, when Jordan mentions having to sell the house, it could be a moment for Donnie to express concern not just for Jordan's financial situation but for the impact on his family, adding depth to their friendship.
The transition to the U.S. Attorney's office is abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative, perhaps by showing Jordan's reaction to Donnie's support before cutting to the serious legal discussions.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him an ideal expert to critique the emotional and narrative aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I deepen Jordan's internal conflict in this scene to reflect the emotional weight of his friends' loyalty?
What techniques can I use to add more subtext to the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie?
How can I create a smoother transition between the emotional moment with Donnie and the serious tone of the U.S. Attorney's office?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing the stakes with Jordan's legal troubles, but it could benefit from a clearer sense of urgency. Perhaps incorporating a ticking clock element, such as a deadline for Jordan to make a decision about cooperating with the authorities, would heighten the tension.
Donnie's character is well-established as a loyal friend, but his motivations could be explored further. Why is he so invested in helping Jordan? Adding a line or two that hints at his own fears about the legal situation could add layers to his character.
The visual elements of the scene are somewhat static. Consider incorporating more dynamic actions, such as Jordan pacing by the pool or Donnie fidgeting with something, to visually represent their anxiety about the situation.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and the importance of urgency in storytelling, making her insights valuable for enhancing the tension and character depth in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to introduce a sense of urgency in this scene regarding Jordan's legal situation?
How can I better explore Donnie's motivations for helping Jordan in this scene?
What visual techniques can I use to create a more dynamic atmosphere in this scene?

Critique by William Goldman

The humor in the dialogue is a strong point, particularly with Donnie's quips about the dog and jail food. However, the balance between humor and the serious nature of the legal situation could be better managed. Consider allowing a moment of silence or a serious reflection from Jordan after Donnie's jokes to ground the scene.
The scene could benefit from a stronger visual motif. For instance, the pool could symbolize Jordan's current state—appearing calm on the surface but hiding the turmoil beneath. This could be visually represented through the use of water imagery or reflections.
The dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing. Some lines feel a bit long-winded, which can detract from the overall rhythm of the scene. Shortening some exchanges could maintain the energy and keep the audience engaged.

William Goldman is renowned for his sharp dialogue and understanding of pacing, making him an excellent choice to critique the humor and rhythm of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I better balance humor and seriousness in this scene to reflect the gravity of Jordan's situation?
What visual motifs can I incorporate to symbolize Jordan's internal conflict in this scene?
What techniques can I use to tighten the dialogue and improve the pacing of this scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Jordan before transitioning to the U.S. Attorney's office. This could be a visual cue, such as him looking at his children playing, which would heighten the emotional stakes of the upcoming confrontation.
Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue between Jordan and Donnie. For example, Donnie could express concern about the implications of Jordan's legal troubles, hinting at the fear that others might be implicated, which would add tension to their conversation.
Enhance the voiceover by integrating it into the dialogue or actions. For instance, as Jordan interacts with Donnie, he could have fleeting thoughts about loyalty and betrayal that inform his responses, making the audience feel his internal conflict more acutely.
Revise the dialogue in the U.S. Attorney's office to include more dramatic tension. Consider using metaphors or analogies that resonate with Jordan's character, making the legal stakes feel more personal and immediate.
To emphasize the emotional shift between the two scenes, consider using contrasting sound design or music. The light-hearted atmosphere of the pool could be underscored with upbeat music, which abruptly cuts to a more somber tone as they enter the U.S. Attorney's office.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Add a moment where Jordan reflects on the implications of his friends' loyalty, perhaps through a voiceover that reveals his internal struggle with accepting help while facing the consequences of his actions.
Incorporate a line from Donnie that expresses concern for Jordan's family, which would add depth to their friendship and highlight the stakes involved.
Create a visual cue that signifies the transition from the emotional moment with Donnie to the serious legal discussions, such as a close-up of Jordan's face as he shifts from gratitude to concern.

Robert McKee's focus on character depth and emotional stakes makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to convey Jordan's internal struggle with accepting help from his friends?
How can I incorporate dialogue that highlights the stakes for Jordan's family in this scene?
What visual cues can I use to signify a shift in tone from emotional to serious?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a ticking clock element by having a character mention a deadline for Jordan to decide about cooperating with the authorities, which would heighten the urgency of the scene.
Add a line where Donnie expresses his own fears about the legal situation, which would provide insight into his motivations and deepen his character.
Incorporate more dynamic actions, such as Jordan pacing or Donnie fidgeting, to visually represent their anxiety and create a more engaging atmosphere.

Linda Seger's expertise in urgency and character motivation makes her suggestions valuable for increasing tension and depth in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to introduce a deadline in this scene to create urgency?
How can I better explore Donnie's fears regarding the legal situation?
What dynamic actions can I incorporate to enhance the visual engagement of this scene?

Suggestion by William Goldman

After a humorous exchange, allow a brief moment of silence or serious reflection from Jordan to ground the scene and emphasize the gravity of his situation.
Use water imagery or reflections in the pool to symbolize Jordan's calm exterior hiding his internal turmoil, enhancing the visual storytelling.
Tighten the dialogue by shortening some lines and focusing on punchy exchanges that maintain the scene's energy and rhythm.

William Goldman's focus on dialogue and pacing makes his suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the humor and rhythm of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively create a moment of seriousness after humor in this scene?
What specific visual elements can I use to symbolize Jordan's internal conflict?
What techniques can I apply to tighten the dialogue and improve the scene's pacing?

Genres: Drama, Crime
Tone: Serious, Intense, Emotional

Strengths

Intense dialogue
Emotional depth
Character development

Weaknesses

Limited physical action
Heavy reliance on dialogue

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the tension between Jordan's self-serving optimism and Naomi's detached response, highlighting the emotional distance in their relationship. However, the dialogue feels somewhat repetitive, particularly in Jordan's insistence that everything is fine and that they will still have money left over. This could be streamlined to maintain the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
Naomi's character comes across as passive in this scene, primarily reacting to Jordan's monologue. To enhance her character, it would be beneficial to give her more agency or a stronger emotional response to Jordan's news. This could involve her expressing skepticism or anger about the implications of Jordan's cooperation with the authorities, which would add depth to her character and the scene's conflict.
The dialogue lacks a sense of urgency or emotional weight, especially given the gravity of the situation they are in. Jordan's casual tone when discussing potentially betraying his friends feels out of place. Infusing more tension into his delivery or having Naomi challenge him more forcefully could elevate the stakes of the conversation.
The transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the high-stakes confrontation with Agent Denham to a more intimate setting in the bedroom feels jarring. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge this gap and maintain narrative continuity.
The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note with Jordan's sexual advance being rebuffed. While this moment underscores the disconnect between them, it might benefit from a more explicit emotional reaction from Naomi, which could serve to deepen the audience's understanding of her character's turmoil.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene feels somewhat expository, particularly Jordan's lengthy explanation of his legal situation. It could benefit from more subtext and tension, as Naomi's responses are rather flat and do not challenge Jordan's perspective.
Jordan's insistence on intimacy after discussing serious legal matters feels disjointed. It undermines the gravity of the situation and makes him appear self-centered rather than genuinely concerned about Naomi's feelings.
Naomi's character could be more developed in this scene. Her detachment and lack of emotional engagement with Jordan's news could be emphasized through more nuanced reactions or a stronger emotional arc.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of subtext, making him a fitting choice to critique the dialogue-heavy nature of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the subtext in Jordan's dialogue to create more tension in this scene?
What techniques can I use to make Naomi's character more dynamic and engaging in her responses to Jordan?
How can I better balance the serious nature of the conversation with the intimacy Jordan seeks?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene lacks a clear dramatic arc. While Jordan shares news, there is no significant conflict or emotional stakes that escalate throughout the scene.
Naomi's reaction to Jordan's news feels passive. A more active response could create a stronger emotional impact and highlight the strain in their relationship.
The transition from a serious conversation to a request for intimacy feels abrupt. This could be smoothed out by building more tension leading up to that moment.

Seger specializes in story structure and character development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and conflict in this scene.

Questions for AI

What strategies can I implement to create a more defined dramatic arc in this scene?
How can I make Naomi's character more proactive in her responses to Jordan's news?
What techniques can I use to create a smoother transition between the serious conversation and the intimate moment?

Critique by Robert McKee

The stakes in this scene feel low. While Jordan's legal troubles are serious, the scene does not convey a sense of urgency or danger that would heighten the tension.
Jordan's character is portrayed as overly confident, which can be compelling, but it risks making him unsympathetic. Adding moments of vulnerability could create a more complex character.
The scene could benefit from a stronger visual component. The setting of the master bedroom could be used to reflect the emotional distance between Jordan and Naomi.

McKee is an expert in story structure and character arcs, making his perspective valuable for enhancing the stakes and emotional complexity in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I raise the stakes in this scene to create a greater sense of urgency?
What methods can I use to add vulnerability to Jordan's character while maintaining his confidence?
How can I utilize the visual elements of the master bedroom to enhance the emotional tone of the scene?

General Suggestions

Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate redundancy, focusing on key points that drive the narrative forward without excessive repetition.
Enhance Naomi's character by giving her a more active role in the conversation, allowing her to express her feelings about Jordan's situation and the implications of his cooperation.
Infuse the dialogue with more emotional weight, particularly in Jordan's delivery, to reflect the seriousness of the situation and the potential consequences of his actions.
Create a smoother transition from the previous scene by incorporating a moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the high-stakes confrontation with the more intimate setting of the bedroom.
Expand on Naomi's emotional response to Jordan's advances at the end of the scene, providing insight into her internal conflict and the strain in their relationship.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Jordan's dialogue to include more subtext, perhaps by having him deflect Naomi's concerns with humor or bravado, rather than directly addressing the seriousness of the situation.
Introduce a moment where Naomi challenges Jordan's perspective, perhaps by recalling a past incident that highlights the consequences of his actions, adding depth to her character.
Consider having Jordan's request for intimacy be met with a more complex reaction from Naomi, such as a moment of vulnerability where she expresses her fears about their future.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the interactions in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some examples of subtext that could enhance Jordan's dialogue?
How can I create a moment where Naomi challenges Jordan's perspective effectively?
What emotional layers can I add to Naomi's character to make her response to Jordan's request for intimacy more impactful?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a clear conflict in the scene, such as Naomi expressing her fears about Jordan's cooperation with the authorities, which would create a more engaging dynamic.
Make Naomi's character more active by having her voice her concerns about the implications of Jordan's decisions, thereby increasing the emotional stakes.
Create a gradual build-up to the intimate moment, perhaps by having Jordan attempt to reassure Naomi about their future before making his request.

Seger's focus on character development and conflict can help elevate the emotional engagement in this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific conflicts can I introduce to enhance the emotional stakes in this scene?
How can I make Naomi's character more active in her responses to Jordan's news?
What techniques can I use to build tension leading up to the intimate moment?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Increase the stakes by having Jordan reveal that his cooperation could lead to serious consequences for others, creating a moral dilemma for him.
Add a moment of vulnerability for Jordan, perhaps by showing his fear of losing everything, which would make him more relatable and complex.
Utilize the visual elements of the master bedroom to reflect the emotional distance between Jordan and Naomi, perhaps by contrasting their body language or the clutter in the room.

McKee's insights into stakes and character complexity can provide a deeper emotional resonance in this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively raise the stakes in Jordan's cooperation with the authorities?
What methods can I use to portray vulnerability in Jordan's character?
How can I use visual storytelling to enhance the emotional tone of the scene?

Genres: Drama, Romance
Tone: Intense, Emotional, Confrontational

Strengths

Intense emotional conflict
Realistic dialogue
Character depth

Weaknesses

Violent confrontation
Negative sentiment

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil between Jordan and Naomi, showcasing the stark contrast between their physical intimacy and emotional disconnect. This juxtaposition heightens the tension and underscores the deterioration of their relationship.
The dialogue is raw and confrontational, which adds to the intensity of the scene. However, some lines, particularly Jordan's declarations of love, feel somewhat clichéd and could benefit from more originality to enhance their emotional impact.
Naomi's character is portrayed as strong and assertive, particularly in her demand for a divorce and custody of the children. This is a positive aspect, as it gives her agency in the narrative. However, her motivations could be more clearly articulated to deepen her character and make her actions more relatable.
The physical altercation and subsequent emotional fallout are powerful, but the escalation feels somewhat abrupt. A more gradual build-up to the violence could enhance the realism of the scene and allow the audience to better understand the characters' emotional states.
The use of cocaine as a coping mechanism for Jordan is a strong visual and thematic element, but it could be more effectively integrated into the dialogue and actions to show how deeply his addiction affects his decision-making and relationships.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil between Jordan and Naomi, showcasing their deteriorating relationship. However, the dialogue feels somewhat on-the-nose, particularly Naomi's line, 'You don’t give a shit about how I feel.' This could be more subtly conveyed through actions or less explicit dialogue.
The physicality of the scene is strong, especially with Jordan's violent reaction. However, the transition from intimacy to aggression could benefit from a clearer emotional arc, illustrating how their relationship has devolved over time.
Naomi's character feels somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. While her anger is justified, exploring her vulnerability or past affection for Jordan could add depth to her motivations.

Linda Seger is known for her expertise in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make Naomi's emotional conflict more nuanced in this scene?
What techniques can I use to convey subtext in dialogue instead of being explicit?
How can I better illustrate the emotional arc of Jordan and Naomi's relationship in this scene?

Critique by Robert McKee

The stakes in this scene are high, but they could be raised even further. The conflict over custody of the children is significant, yet it feels secondary to the immediate argument. Emphasizing the implications of this conflict earlier in the scene could heighten tension.
The pacing of the scene is uneven. The initial intimacy could be drawn out longer to create a stark contrast with the ensuing conflict, making the emotional fallout more impactful.
Jordan's reaction to Naomi's declaration of wanting a divorce feels somewhat predictable. Adding an unexpected twist or a moment of vulnerability could make his character more complex and relatable.

Robert McKee is a renowned screenwriting guru known for his focus on story structure and conflict, making his perspective crucial for enhancing the dramatic tension in this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to increase the stakes in this scene regarding custody and emotional conflict?
How can I adjust the pacing to enhance the impact of the transition from intimacy to conflict?
What unexpected elements could I introduce to Jordan's reaction to make it more compelling?

Critique by Syd Field

The scene does a good job of establishing the central conflict, but it lacks a clear setup and payoff structure. The emotional stakes should be established earlier in the narrative to make this confrontation feel more earned.
The dialogue could benefit from more subtext. For instance, instead of Naomi directly stating her feelings, she could express them through actions or indirect comments that reveal her true emotions.
The physical altercation at the end feels abrupt. Building up to this moment with more tension and foreshadowing could enhance its impact.

Syd Field is known for his emphasis on structure and character arcs, which can help refine the setup and payoff in this emotionally charged scene.

Questions for AI

How can I better establish the setup for this confrontation earlier in the script?
What are some techniques for incorporating subtext into dialogue to reveal character emotions?
How can I build tension leading up to the physical altercation to make it feel more justified?

General Suggestions

Consider revising Jordan's lines to make his expressions of love feel more genuine and less formulaic. This could involve using specific memories or shared experiences that highlight their past connection.
Expand on Naomi's motivations for wanting a divorce. Adding a line or two that reflects her internal struggle or past grievances could provide more depth to her character and make her decision feel more justified.
Introduce subtle physical cues or actions that reflect the emotional tension before the argument escalates. For example, showing Jordan's nervous habits or Naomi's body language could foreshadow the conflict.
To enhance the realism of the physical altercation, consider including more descriptive actions that illustrate the characters' emotional states, such as hesitation or regret, before the violence occurs.
Integrate Jordan's drug use more seamlessly into the dialogue, perhaps by having him reference it in a way that reveals his desperation or denial, rather than just as a reaction to the argument.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Consider adding a moment where Naomi reflects on a happier time in their relationship before the argument escalates. This could provide a stark contrast to their current state and deepen her character.
Revise Naomi's dialogue to be less direct. Instead of stating her feelings outright, she could express frustration through actions, such as packing her things or avoiding eye contact, which would convey her emotional state more subtly.
Explore Jordan's vulnerability in this scene. Perhaps he could express fear about losing his children, which would add complexity to his character and make the audience empathize with him despite his flaws.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and emotional resonance makes her suggestions particularly relevant for enhancing the complexity of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some effective ways to show a character's emotional state through actions rather than dialogue?
How can I create a moment of reflection that contrasts with the current conflict to enhance emotional depth?
What techniques can I use to portray vulnerability in a character like Jordan without undermining his established persona?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Introduce a moment of hesitation or doubt from Jordan before the argument escalates. This could be a brief flash of vulnerability that makes his character more relatable.
Consider extending the intimate moment at the beginning of the scene to create a more pronounced contrast with the subsequent conflict. This could involve more dialogue that hints at their past connection before it unravels.
Add a moment where Naomi reveals a specific fear or concern about Jordan's behavior, which could serve as a catalyst for her decision to seek a divorce, making her motivations clearer.

Robert McKee's expertise in conflict and character development can help elevate the stakes and emotional impact of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I create a moment of vulnerability for Jordan that resonates with the audience?
What are some effective ways to extend the intimate moment to enhance the emotional contrast?
How can I clarify Naomi's motivations for wanting a divorce through her dialogue or actions?

Suggestion by Syd Field

Establish the stakes of the custody battle earlier in the script to make this confrontation feel more significant. Perhaps include a scene where Naomi discusses her concerns with a friend or lawyer.
Revise the dialogue to incorporate more subtext. For example, instead of Naomi saying she wants a divorce, she could express her feelings about Jordan's behavior in a way that implies her decision without stating it outright.
Build tension leading up to the physical altercation by including moments of escalating conflict throughout the scene, such as Jordan's increasing desperation or Naomi's growing frustration.

Syd Field's emphasis on structure and subtext can help refine the emotional and narrative elements of this scene.

Questions for AI

What are some ways to foreshadow the custody battle earlier in the script to enhance the emotional stakes?
How can I incorporate subtext into dialogue to convey deeper emotions without being explicit?
What techniques can I use to build tension throughout the scene leading up to the climax?

Genres: Crime, Drama, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Chaotic, Intense, Dramatic

Strengths

Intense conflict
Compelling plot development
Emotional depth
Sharp dialogue

Weaknesses

Violent altercation
Drug use
Desperate actions

General Critique

The scene effectively builds tension through the chaotic actions of Jordan, Naomi, and Violet, creating a sense of urgency and desperation. However, the motivations behind Jordan's actions could be more clearly defined. Why is he so intent on escaping with Skylar? Is it purely a reaction to his legal troubles, or is there a deeper emotional conflict at play?
The dialogue is minimal, which works well in heightening the tension, but it may benefit from a few more lines that reveal the characters' emotional states. For instance, a line from Naomi expressing her fear for Skylar or a moment of hesitation from Jordan could add depth to the scene.
The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of Jordan crashing through the garage door. However, the transition from the garage chaos to the courtroom voiceover feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative and maintain the emotional weight of the scene.
The use of voiceover from Lucas Solomon at the end of the scene serves to highlight the legal consequences of Jordan's actions, but it could be more impactful if it directly tied into the emotional turmoil Jordan is experiencing in the moment. This would create a stronger connection between his personal crisis and the legal ramifications.
The pacing of the scene is frenetic, which is appropriate given the circumstances. However, it may benefit from a brief moment of stillness or reflection from Jordan before the crash, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggle before the external chaos unfolds.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The scene effectively captures the escalating tension between Jordan and Naomi, showcasing the desperation of both characters. However, the dialogue could be sharpened to reflect Mamet's signature style of rapid-fire exchanges that reveal character motivations more succinctly.
Jordan's actions—racing to the car and locking the doors—are visceral and convey his panic, but the stakes could be heightened by incorporating more internal conflict. What is he feeling as he locks his family out? Is there a moment of hesitation?
Naomi's frantic attempts to save Skylar are compelling, but her dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of just calling for help, perhaps she could express a deeper emotional plea that reveals her fear and desperation.

Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and character-driven narratives, making him ideal for critiquing the emotional and verbal dynamics of this intense scene.

Questions for AI

How can I enhance the dialogue to reflect a more rapid-fire, tension-filled exchange that reveals character motivations?
What internal conflict could Jordan express in this moment to add depth to his character?
How can Naomi's dialogue be restructured to convey a deeper emotional plea?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene is a strong climax that effectively showcases the stakes of Jordan's actions, but it could benefit from clearer character arcs. Jordan's descent into chaos should be mirrored by a more pronounced transformation in Naomi's character.
The visual elements are strong, particularly the crashing through the garage door, but consider adding more sensory details to immerse the audience further. What sounds accompany the chaos? How does the environment reflect their emotional states?
The use of voiceover from Lucas Solomon at the end is a clever narrative device, but it could be more integrated into the action. Perhaps it could echo Jordan's thoughts as he makes his desperate choices.

Seger specializes in character development and structure, making her insights valuable for enhancing the emotional depth and clarity of character arcs in this pivotal scene.

Questions for AI

How can I better illustrate the character arcs of Jordan and Naomi throughout this scene?
What sensory details can I add to enhance the immersive quality of the chaos?
How can I integrate Lucas Solomon's voiceover more seamlessly into the action?

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene is high-stakes and filled with conflict, which is excellent, but it could benefit from a clearer dramatic structure. Ensure that the escalation of tension is carefully paced to maximize the impact of the climax.
Jordan's decision to crash the car is a powerful moment, but it should be foreshadowed more effectively. What earlier moments in the script hint at his willingness to resort to such drastic measures?
The emotional stakes are clear, but consider deepening the thematic elements. What does this moment say about Jordan's character and his relationship with power and control?

McKee is an authority on story structure and dramatic tension, making his perspective crucial for refining the pacing and thematic depth of this climactic scene.

Questions for AI

How can I better pace the escalation of tension to maximize the impact of the climax?
What earlier moments can I use to foreshadow Jordan's drastic decision to crash the car?
How can I deepen the thematic elements of this scene to reflect on Jordan's character and his relationship with power?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that reveals Jordan's emotional state or motivations for taking Skylar, which would provide more context for his actions.
Incorporate a moment of hesitation or conflict for Jordan before he decides to crash through the garage door, which could add depth to his character and make the scene more impactful.
Smooth out the transition between the garage chaos and the courtroom voiceover by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two moments, such as a close-up of Jordan's face reflecting his turmoil.
Enhance the emotional weight of the voiceover by tying it more closely to Jordan's internal conflict, perhaps by having him reflect on the consequences of his actions as he prepares to escape.
Introduce a brief moment of stillness or reflection for Jordan before the crash, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggle and heightening the impact of the subsequent chaos.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the dialogue to create a more rapid-fire exchange that reveals character motivations and emotions. For example, have Naomi express her fear in a more urgent manner.
Incorporate a moment of hesitation from Jordan before he locks the doors, allowing the audience to see his internal struggle.
Enhance Naomi's dialogue to include a more emotional plea, perhaps referencing past moments with Skylar to heighten the stakes.

Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help sharpen the emotional impact of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue changes can I make to create a more urgent and emotional exchange?
How can I illustrate Jordan's internal struggle through his actions in this scene?
What emotional references can Naomi make to deepen her plea for Skylar?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Clarify the character arcs by showing how Jordan's actions affect Naomi's transformation throughout the scene.
Add sensory details to the chaos, such as the sound of shattering glass or the roar of the engine, to immerse the audience in the moment.
Integrate Lucas Solomon's voiceover more fluidly, perhaps having it echo Jordan's thoughts as he makes his desperate choices.

Seger's focus on character development and sensory immersion can enhance the emotional depth and clarity of the scene.

Questions for AI

What specific moments can I highlight to show the transformation in Jordan and Naomi's characters?
What sensory details can I incorporate to enhance the audience's experience of the chaos?
How can I make Lucas Solomon's voiceover feel more like an internal monologue for Jordan?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Ensure the pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, perhaps by slowing down the moments leading up to the crash to heighten anticipation.
Foreshadow Jordan's drastic decision earlier in the script, perhaps through dialogue or actions that hint at his reckless nature.
Deepen the thematic elements by exploring what this moment reveals about Jordan's character and his relationship with control and chaos.

McKee's insights into dramatic structure and thematic depth can help refine the scene's impact and resonance.

Questions for AI

How can I adjust the pacing to build tension more effectively before the climax?
What earlier dialogue or actions can I use to foreshadow Jordan's decision to crash the car?
What thematic elements can I explore to reflect on Jordan's character in this scene?

Genres: Drama, Crime
Tone: Tense, Dramatic, Reflective

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Tension building

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more impactful

General Critique

The scene effectively conveys the gravity of Jordan's situation through the stark contrast between his previous lavish lifestyle and the impending consequences of his actions. The use of voiceover allows for introspection, giving the audience insight into Jordan's mindset as he faces the reality of his choices.
The pacing of the scene is well-structured, moving from the immediate confrontation with the agents to the broader implications of his sentencing. This transition helps to build tension and emphasizes the weight of the moment.
The visual elements, such as the movers taking away Jordan's possessions and the FBI agents supervising, create a strong visual metaphor for Jordan's fall from grace. This imagery reinforces the theme of loss and consequence that runs throughout the screenplay.
However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. While the scene captures the seriousness of the situation, the exchanges between Jordan and the agents feel somewhat procedural. Adding more personal stakes or emotional reactions could enhance the impact of the scene.
The voiceover, while insightful, occasionally feels like it detracts from the immediacy of the moment. Balancing the internal monologue with more external action or dialogue could create a more dynamic scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene is functional but lacks the sharpness and wit that could elevate the tension. For instance, Jordan's line 'Why? What’s going on?' feels too passive for a character facing imminent arrest. A more assertive or defiant response could better reflect his character's bravado.
The use of voiceover is effective in conveying Jordan's internal conflict, but it could be more impactful if it contrasted with the visual action. For example, while he reflects on Donnie's loyalty, the visual of the movers taking his possessions could be juxtaposed with a memory of their camaraderie, enhancing the emotional weight.
The transition from the estate to the courtroom is abrupt. A smoother transition could be achieved by incorporating a brief moment of reflection from Jordan as he watches his possessions being taken away, allowing the audience to feel the gravity of his situation.

David Mamet is known for his sharp dialogue and understanding of character motivations, making him an ideal expert to critique the dialogue and emotional depth of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can I make Jordan's dialogue more impactful in this scene to reflect his character's bravado?
What techniques can I use to enhance the emotional contrast between Jordan's voiceover and the visual action?
How can I create a smoother transition between the estate and the courtroom to maintain narrative flow?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene effectively conveys Jordan's downfall, but it could benefit from deeper character exploration. For instance, Jordan's reaction to his impending jail time feels somewhat muted. Adding a moment of vulnerability or regret could provide a more nuanced portrayal of his character.
The visual elements, such as the movers taking his possessions, are strong but could be enhanced by including more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the movers, the weight of the paintings, or the emptiness of the estate could heighten the emotional impact.
The courtroom scene feels rushed. Expanding on the reactions of Jordan's mother and the judge could add layers to the emotional stakes, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with the consequences of Jordan's actions.

Linda Seger specializes in character development and emotional arcs, making her insights valuable for enhancing the depth of this pivotal scene.

Questions for AI

What techniques can I use to deepen Jordan's emotional response to his sentencing?
How can I incorporate sensory details to enhance the visual impact of the movers taking his possessions?
What elements can I add to the courtroom scene to slow down the pacing and increase emotional stakes?

Critique by Robert McKee

The stakes in this scene are high, but they could be made clearer. Jordan's internal conflict about cooperating with the authorities should be more pronounced. Consider adding a moment where he weighs the consequences of his actions, which would heighten the tension.
The pacing of the scene could be improved. The transition from the arrest to the courtroom feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a flashback could serve to illustrate the gravity of Jordan's situation and his relationships.
The use of voiceover is effective, but it could be more focused. Instead of general reflections, honing in on specific memories or regrets related to his downfall would create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.

Robert McKee is a master of story structure and character arcs, making his perspective crucial for ensuring the scene's stakes and pacing are effectively communicated.

Questions for AI

How can I clarify the stakes in this scene to enhance the tension surrounding Jordan's arrest?
What techniques can I use to improve the pacing between the arrest and the courtroom scene?
How can I refine the voiceover to focus on specific memories that would resonate more with the audience?

General Suggestions

Consider incorporating more emotional dialogue between Jordan and the agents to heighten the tension and personal stakes. This could involve Jordan expressing disbelief, anger, or regret, making the moment feel more visceral.
Explore the use of flashbacks or brief visual cues that highlight Jordan's past successes juxtaposed with his current downfall. This could deepen the audience's emotional connection to his character and the consequences of his actions.
Enhance the voiceover by including more specific reflections on Jordan's relationships, particularly with Donnie and his family, to add layers to his internal conflict as he faces imprisonment.
Introduce a moment of vulnerability for Jordan, perhaps a brief interaction with his mother or a reflection on his children, to humanize him further and evoke sympathy from the audience.
Ensure that the pacing remains tight by avoiding overly lengthy voiceovers that could slow down the momentum of the scene. Focus on concise, impactful lines that drive home the emotional weight of the moment.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise Jordan's dialogue to reflect a more assertive tone, perhaps by having him challenge the agents or express disbelief at the situation.
Incorporate a visual memory of a moment with Donnie that contrasts with the current situation, enhancing the emotional impact of his arrest.
Create a more gradual transition to the courtroom by including a moment where Jordan watches the movers, reflecting on what he has lost.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and character dynamics can help refine the emotional and narrative aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific dialogue changes can I make to enhance Jordan's assertiveness in this scene?
How can I effectively incorporate a visual memory to deepen the emotional impact of Jordan's arrest?
What techniques can I use to create a gradual transition to the courtroom that maintains narrative flow?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Add a moment where Jordan expresses vulnerability or regret about his actions, perhaps through a brief flashback or a poignant line of dialogue.
Enhance the sensory details of the movers taking his possessions, describing the sounds and sights to create a more immersive experience.
Expand the courtroom scene by including reactions from Jordan's mother and the judge, allowing for a deeper exploration of the emotional stakes.

Linda Seger's focus on character depth and emotional arcs can enhance the scene's impact and resonance.

Questions for AI

What specific moments can I add to showcase Jordan's vulnerability in this scene?
How can I incorporate sensory details to create a more immersive experience during the movers' actions?
What elements can I include in the courtroom scene to deepen the emotional stakes and character reactions?

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Clarify the stakes by having Jordan internally debate the consequences of cooperating with the authorities, perhaps through a moment of hesitation or reflection.
Improve pacing by adding a brief moment of reflection or a flashback that illustrates the weight of Jordan's decisions before transitioning to the courtroom.
Refine the voiceover to focus on specific memories or regrets that highlight Jordan's internal conflict and resonate with the audience.

Robert McKee's expertise in story structure and character development can help ensure the scene's stakes and pacing are effectively communicated.

Questions for AI

How can I effectively illustrate Jordan's internal debate about cooperating with the authorities?
What techniques can I use to enhance pacing between the arrest and courtroom scenes?
How can I refine the voiceover to focus on specific memories that would resonate with the audience?

Genres: Drama, Biography
Tone: Motivational, Reflective, Serious

Strengths

Compelling character development
Engaging dialogue
Inspiring theme

Weaknesses

Lack of significant conflict
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene effectively captures the irony of Jordan Belfort's transformation from a notorious fraudster to a motivational speaker, highlighting the absurdity of his continued influence despite his past. However, the juxtap of the kids' interviews with Jordan's seminar creates a dissonance that could be explored further to emphasize the moral implications of his teachings.
The dialogue from the kids is simplistic and lacks depth, which may undermine the impact of their statements. While their innocence contrasts with Jordan's manipulative past, adding more nuanced reflections on their aspirations could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
The transition from the kids' interviews to the seminar could be smoother. The abrupt shift feels jarring, and a more gradual build-up to Jordan's entrance might help maintain the audience's engagement and create a stronger connection between the two elements.
Jordan's action of asking the audience member to sell him a pen is a classic moment that showcases his manipulative sales tactics. However, the scene could benefit from a more dynamic interaction that reveals the audience's desperation and eagerness to please him, further illustrating the power dynamics at play.
The use of the 'JB' logo and the titles about Jordan's past is effective in providing context, but it could be more visually engaging. Consider incorporating more creative visuals or animations that reflect the themes of ambition and manipulation, enhancing the overall aesthetic of the scene.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Robert McKee

The scene effectively captures the essence of Jordan Belfort's character as a manipulative figure who thrives on persuasion. However, the dialogue from the kids lacks depth and specificity, making it feel somewhat generic. For instance, the African kid's line about being 'more rich' could be more impactful if it included a personal anecdote or a specific goal that resonates with the audience.
The transition from the kids' interviews to the seminar audience is visually engaging, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional hook. The audience's desperation to learn from Jordan is implied but not fully explored. Adding a moment where a specific audience member expresses their personal stakes could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
Jordan's action of asking the audience to sell him a pen is a classic moment, but it feels repetitive. The scene could explore different responses from the audience to showcase a range of reactions, highlighting the varying levels of desperation and ambition among them.

Robert McKee is known for his emphasis on story structure and character development, making him a fitting choice to critique the emotional and narrative aspects of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the dialogue from the kids be revised to add more emotional depth and specificity?
What techniques can be used to better illustrate the audience's desperation and personal stakes in the seminar?
How can the pen-selling exercise be varied to showcase different audience reactions and enhance character development?

Critique by Linda Seger

The scene does a good job of establishing Jordan's status as a motivational speaker, but it lacks a clear conflict or stakes. What does Jordan stand to lose or gain in this moment? Introducing a rival speaker or a skeptical audience member could create tension and elevate the stakes.
The use of the 'JB' logo and clips of Jordan's past success is visually appealing, but it could be more thematically tied to the narrative. Consider how these visuals reflect Jordan's character arc and the consequences of his past actions.
The scene ends abruptly after the pen-selling exercise. It would be beneficial to include a moment of reflection from Jordan or a reaction from the audience that hints at the impact of his teachings, reinforcing the theme of manipulation.

Linda Seger specializes in character arcs and thematic development, making her insights valuable for enhancing the scene's emotional and narrative depth.

Questions for AI

What potential conflicts could be introduced to raise the stakes in this scene?
How can the visuals of Jordan's past success be better integrated into the theme of the narrative?
What kind of audience reactions could effectively convey the impact of Jordan's teachings?

Critique by David Mamet

The dialogue in this scene, particularly from the kids, feels overly simplistic and lacks the sharpness that could make it more engaging. Consider using more concise and impactful language that reflects the characters' backgrounds and aspirations.
Jordan's interaction with the audience could be more dynamic. Instead of simply asking them to sell him the pen, he could employ a more confrontational or challenging approach, pushing them to reveal their motivations and fears.
The pacing of the scene could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. Introducing pauses or interruptions could heighten the tension and make the audience's desperation more palpable.

David Mamet is renowned for his mastery of dialogue and pacing, making him an ideal expert to critique the conversational dynamics and rhythm of this scene.

Questions for AI

How can the dialogue be sharpened to reflect the characters' backgrounds and aspirations more effectively?
What techniques can be used to make Jordan's interaction with the audience more dynamic and engaging?
How can pacing be adjusted to enhance the tension and urgency of the scene?

General Suggestions

Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Jordan before he engages with the audience, showcasing his internal conflict about his past and present. This could deepen the character's complexity and provide insight into his motivations.
Enhance the dialogue from the kids by incorporating more personal anecdotes or specific goals that reflect their backgrounds and aspirations. This would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience and highlight the contrast between their innocence and Jordan's manipulative nature.
Smooth out the transition between the kids' interviews and the seminar by including a visual or auditory cue that links the two segments, such as a voiceover from Jordan discussing the importance of mentorship or success.
Make the pen-selling exercise more interactive and engaging by allowing multiple audience members to participate in a rapid-fire exchange, showcasing their eagerness and desperation to impress Jordan, which would heighten the tension and drama of the moment.
Consider using a more dynamic camera movement during Jordan's entrance and the pen-selling exercise to capture the energy of the audience and the atmosphere of the seminar, making the scene feel more alive and engaging.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Robert McKee

Revise the kids' dialogue to include personal stories or specific goals that resonate with the audience, enhancing emotional depth.
Introduce a moment where an audience member expresses their personal stakes in attending the seminar, creating a stronger emotional connection.
Vary the responses to the pen-selling exercise to showcase different audience reactions, highlighting their desperation and ambition.

Robert McKee's focus on emotional engagement and character depth makes his suggestions crucial for enhancing the scene's impact.

Questions for AI

What specific personal stories could be added to the kids' dialogue to enhance emotional depth?
How can the audience member's personal stakes be effectively integrated into the scene?
What variations in audience responses could be explored to deepen character development?

Suggestion by Linda Seger

Introduce a rival speaker or a skeptical audience member to create conflict and elevate the stakes of the seminar.
Ensure that the visuals of Jordan's past success thematically tie into the narrative, reflecting his character arc and the consequences of his actions.
Add a moment of reflection from Jordan or a reaction from the audience after the pen-selling exercise to hint at the impact of his teachings.

Linda Seger's expertise in character arcs and thematic development provides valuable insights for enhancing the scene's narrative depth.

Questions for AI

What kind of rival speaker or skeptical audience member could be introduced to create conflict?
How can the visuals be thematically tied to Jordan's character arc?
What kind of reflective moment could effectively convey the impact of Jordan's teachings?

Suggestion by David Mamet

Revise the kids' dialogue to be more concise and impactful, reflecting their backgrounds and aspirations.
Make Jordan's interaction with the audience more confrontational, challenging them to reveal their motivations and fears.
Adjust the pacing of the scene by introducing pauses or interruptions to heighten tension and urgency.

David Mamet's expertise in dialogue and pacing is essential for refining the conversational dynamics and rhythm of this scene.

Questions for AI

What specific changes can be made to the kids' dialogue to enhance its impact?
How can Jordan's approach to the audience be made more confrontational and engaging?
What pacing techniques could be employed to enhance the scene's tension?

Feedback

The Wolf of Wall Street

Executive Summary

Poster

Overview

Pass/Consider/Recommend

Market Analysis

Analysis Criteria Percentiles

Writer's Voice

Characters

Story Shape

Screenplay Story Analysis

Scene 1 - The Wild Jungle of Wealth

Scene 2 - The Thrill of Excess

Scene 3 - The Thrill of the Trading Floor

Scene 4 - The Allure of Wall Street

Scene 5 - From Struggles to Success

Scene 6 - The Birth of a Partnership

Scene 7 - Ambition and Doubt

Scene 8 - The Art of Manipulation

Scene 9 - The Art of Persuasion

Scene 10 - Celebration of Excess

Scene 11 - Chaos and Consequences at Stratton Oakmont

Scene 12 - Dwarfs and Debt

Scene 13 - Rallying the Brokers

Scene 14 - Desire Amidst Chaos

Scene 15 - Temptation in the City

Scene 16 - Beneath the Surface

Scene 17 - Betrayal in the City

Scene 18 - Chaos in the Bullpen

Scene 19 - Waves of Celebration and Conflict

Scene 20 - Confrontation of Betrayal

Scene 21 - Seduction and Surveillance

Scene 22 - A Fishy Display of Dominance

Scene 23 - From Heckling to Hustle: The Madden Stock Rally

Scene 24 - High Stakes and Legal Shadows

Scene 25 - The Yacht Encounter

Scene 26 - Chaos in Transit

Scene 27 - Secrets and Strategies in Saurel's Office

Scene 28 - Flirtation and Illicit Plans

Scene 29 - Cash Conflicts at the Beach House

Scene 30 - Money and Mayhem

Scene 31 - Urgent Call in the Basement

Scene 32 - Descent into Chaos

Scene 33 - Frantic Rescue

Scene 34 - Crossroads of Recklessness

Scene 35 - The Show Goes On

Scene 36 - Legal Troubles and Personal Tragedies

Scene 37 - Inheritance on the Horizon

Scene 38 - Stormy Descent

Scene 39 - Ambition Over Dinner

Scene 40 - Legal Turmoil and Betrayal

Scene 41 - Beneath the Surface

Scene 42 - Divided by Optimism

Scene 43 - Shattered Bonds

Scene 44 - Desperate Escape

Scene 45 - The Fall of Jordan Belfort

Scene 46 - The Pen Challenge

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central conflict

primary motivations

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themes

stakes

uniqueness factor

audience hook

paradoxical engine or bisociation