Mo

Executive Summary

Logline: A Palestinian refugee hustles to support his family in Houston by selling counterfeit goods, but his dream of asylum and a legitimate business is threatened when ICE cracks down. See other logline suggestoins

Pass/Consider/Recommend/Highly Recommend

This changed recently. Ratings are subjective. So you get two engines' ratings to compare.

Engine: Gemini

Consider

Explanation: The 'Mo' screenplay presents a compelling protagonist and a unique perspective on the immigrant experience, blending humor and drama with cultural commentary. However, the script requires further development to address pacing issues, character arcs, and plot inconsistencies. Exploring Mo's internal struggles and the cultural complexities he faces would enhance the narrative's depth and impact.

Engine: GPT4

Consider

Explanation: The screenplay 'Mo' combines humor, cultural richness, and a compelling portrayal of immigrant life to create a narrative that is both entertaining and enlightening. While it excels in character dialogue and cultural authenticity, it requires clearer narrative structure and more developed character arcs to fully realize its potential.

See Full Analysis

Overview

Genres: Drama, Comedy, War, Thriller, Family, Crime

Setting: 1991 during the Gulf War, Kuwait City, Baghdad, Houston, Alief, TX

Overview: The screenplay's overall score of 7.9 reflects its strong foundation in character development, emotional depth, and thematic exploration. The compelling protagonist, relatable family dynamics, and exploration of cultural identity contribute to its appeal. However, opportunities exist to strengthen the plot's pacing, heighten conflict and stakes, and enhance visual storytelling.

Themes: Family and Belonging, Identity and Cultural Conflict, War and its Consequences, Cultural Assimilation and American Dream, Plight of Refugees, Survival and Resilience, Cultural Appropriation

Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflicts revolve around the family's survival during the Gulf War, Mo's determination to provide for his family through risky ventures, and the legal risks associated with selling counterfeit goods.

Overall Mood: Tense, emotional, and thought-provoking

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

Scene 1: Tense and emotional as the family prepares to flee Kuwait City amidst the Gulf War

Scene 4: Stressful and emotional as Mo faces the consequences of his risky decisions

Scene 5: Lighthearted and comedic during the interactions in the strip mall parking lot

Standout Features:

Unique Characters: Diverse and complex characters facing challenging circumstances

Cultural Identity Exploration : Exploration of cultural identity and immigrant experiences in a war-torn setting

Legal Risks and Survival : Incorporation of legal risks and survival instincts in a family's journey

Comparable Scripts:

Baghdad Central

The Kite Runner

Homeland

The Farewell

The Great Escape

The Longest Day

Saving Private Ryan

The Hurt Locker

American Sniper

The Post

Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$5-10 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of drama, war stories, and immigrant experiences

Marketability: The screenplay offers a compelling mix of family drama, survival, and cultural themes that resonate with a diverse audience.

The unique blend of genres, emotional depth, and strong character development make this screenplay stand out in the market.

The gripping storyline, relevant social themes, and diverse cast contribute to the screenplay's marketability.

Profit Potential: Moderate to high, with potential for critical acclaim and awards recognition due to its emotional depth and relevant themes.

Scene Level Percentiles

The screenplay excels in character development, but could improve in plot and concept development. The writer's intuitive style is evident in the strong characterization and dialogue.

Script Level Percentiles

**The method of calculating these has just changed**
Characters: 8.1 See More
Premise: 7.8 See More
Structure: 7.9 See More
Theme: 9.0 See More
Visual Impact: 7.3 See More
Emotional Impact: 7.9 See More
Conflict: 7.7 See More
Originality: 8.2 See More

Emotions Elicited Percentiles

Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."
This is a rough estimate of how the average intensity of emotions elicited in this script compare to all scripts in the Vault (all genres).
Higher isn't necessarily better. This is FYI.

Key Strengths

The screenplay excels in character development, ranking in the 89th percentile, indicating well-developed and relatable characters.

Areas for Improvement

The plot and concept could benefit from further development, as they currently rank in the 10th and 55th percentiles, respectively.

Writer Style

The writer potentially has a strong intuitive style, indicated by the high character development and dialogue ratings.

Balancing Elements

To enhance the screenplay's overall impact, the writer could consider strengthening the plot and concept while maintaining the strengths in character development.

Intuition Level

Intuitive

Overall Assessment

The screenplay shows promise in character development and dialogue, but would benefit from refining the plot and concept to create a more engaging and well-rounded story.

How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.

How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.

Title	Grade	Percentile	Before	After
Scene Originality	9.00	98	Beetlejuice: 8.98	severance (TV): 9.00
Script Theme	9.00	93	Moonlight: 8.90	The Shawshank Redemption: 9.00
Scene Characters	8.7	86	Ex-Machina: 8.6	Easy A: 8.7
Scene Engagement	9.00	81	The Addams Family: 8.99	fight Club: 9.00
Scene Internal Goal	8.14	77	Call me by your name: 8.13	Birdman: 8.14
Script Originality	8.20	70	The Brutalist: 8.10	Rambo: 8.20
Scene Pacing	8.36	67	Deadpool & wolverine : 8.35	Mo: 8.36
Scene Dialogue	8.0	61	Nickel Boys : 7.9	fight Club: 8.0
Script Conflict	7.70	61	12 years a slave: 7.60	severance (TV): 7.70
Script Characters	8.10	61	Pirates of the Caribbean: 8.00	Erin Brokovich: 8.10
Script Structure	8.14	55	American Fiction: 8.13	the pursuit of happyness: 8.14
Script Emotional Impact	7.90	54	V for Vendetta: 7.80	the dark knight rises: 7.90
Script Structure	7.90	54	Argo: 7.80	Black mirror 304: 7.90
Scene External Goal	7.21	49	The Brutalist: 7.19	Mo: 7.21
Scene Formatting	8.14	46	Belfast : 8.13	the pursuit of happyness: 8.14
Scene Unpredictability	7.36	40	Shaun of the Dead: 7.35	Mo: 7.36
Scene High Stakes	6.9	33	Coda: 6.8	Arsenic and old lace : 6.9
Scene Conflict Level	7.1	32	The King's speech: 7.0	Arsenic and old lace : 7.1
Script Premise	7.80	31	Belfast : 7.70	Rambo: 7.80
Scene Concept	8.0	30	Poor Things: 7.9	a few good men: 8.0
Scene Character Changes	6.6	29	Fleabag: 6.5	glass Onion Knives Out : 6.6
Overall Script	7.90	27	Argo: 7.85	There's something about Mary: 7.90
Scene Story Forward	7.7	26	Moonlight: 7.6	groundhog day: 7.7
Script Visual Impact	7.30	24	September 5: 7.20	The Good place release: 7.30
Scene Emotional Impact	7.1	15	Zootopia: 7.0	Scott pilgrim vs. the world: 7.1
Scene Overall	8.1	15	Swingers: 8.0	Erin Brokovich: 8.1
Scene Plot	7.4	12	Ted: 7.3	the pursuit of happyness: 7.4

Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by authentic dialogue, vivid descriptions, and a focus on family dynamics. The prose is lyrical and evocative, with a strong sense of place and a deep understanding of the immigrant experience.

Best representation: Scene 5 - Hustle in the Parking Lot. Scene 5 is the best representative of the writer's voice because it perfectly captures the blend of humor, pathos, and cultural specificity that is характерно for the script. The dialogue between Mo and his family is authentic and emotionally resonant, and the description of the food is both evocative and humorous.

Memorable Lines:

Mustafa: Habibi, Allah made you a strong and clever boy. Now you must use those gifts as a man. You are young, but not a child anymore. The family needs you. Can I depend on you? (Scene 1)
Young Mo: Please, sir! Don’t take my Ninja Turtles! She didn’t know they were there! (Scene 2)
Mo: Don’t talk about my girl’s hands! (Scene 3)
Mo: You know nuns wear hijabs, right? They got OG hijabs. (Scene 4)
Mo: I need to take care of my family today. They’re relying on me. I’m gonna do what I have to ‘till I can start my own business, buy some land... do things the right way. (Scene 7)

Writing Style:

The screenplay showcases a writing style that blends humor, tension, and cultural authenticity to explore themes of family dynamics, sacrifice, resilience, and societal issues.

Style Similarities:

Quentin Tarantino
Kumail Nanjiani

Other Similarities: The screenplay effectively combines elements of humor, drama, tension, and cultural authenticity to create a compelling narrative that delves into personal struggles, societal issues, and moral dilemmas.

Story Shape

Emotions Elicited

Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The 'Mo' screenplay presents a compelling protagonist and a unique perspective on the immigrant experience, blending humor and drama with cultural commentary. However, the script requires further development to address pacing issues, character arcs, and plot inconsistencies. Exploring Mo's internal struggles and the cultural complexities he faces would enhance the narrative's depth and impact.

Strengths

The opening scenes effectively establish the family's history and Mo's resourceful nature, setting the stage for his character arc. high ( Scene 1.1 Scene 1.2 Scene 1.3 )
Mo's interactions with his coworkers and friends showcase his humor and wit, adding a comedic element to the script. medium ( Scene 1.7 Scene 1.11 )
The screenplay's dialogue is natural and engaging, capturing the cultural nuances and humor of the characters. high
Mo's sales pitch to Jim demonstrates his entrepreneurial spirit and ability to connect with people, highlighting his strengths and flaws. medium ( Scene 1.12 Scene 1.13 )
The Breakfast Klub scene delves deeper into Mo's motivations and the challenges he faces, adding emotional depth to his character. high ( Scene 1.14 )

Areas of Improvement

The screenplay's pacing could be improved, particularly in the middle section, where the narrative feels somewhat stagnant. medium
While Mo's family dynamics are intriguing, the interactions with his mother and brother often feel repetitive and could benefit from further development. medium ( Scene 1.8 Scene 1.9 Scene 1.10 )
Mo's decision to continue selling counterfeit goods despite the risks seems contradictory to his desire to support his family and could use more justification. high ( Scene 1.14 Scene 1.15 )
The ending feels abrupt and leaves several plot points unresolved, including the consequences of the supermarket incident and Mo's future. high

MissingElements

The screenplay would benefit from a stronger exploration of Mo's internal conflicts and his emotional journey as he navigates his identity and aspirations. high
There is an opportunity to delve deeper into the cultural clashes and societal pressures that Mo faces as a Palestinian refugee in America. medium
Exploring Maria's perspective and her relationship with Mo's family could add another layer to the story and provide a different viewpoint. medium

NotablePoints

The checkpoint scene showcases Yusra's quick thinking and Mo's ability to adapt under pressure, establishing their resilience. high ( Scene 1.5 )
The backgammon game between Aba and Nazeer provides a humorous commentary on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, adding a layer of cultural context. medium ( Scene 1.11 )
Nick's backstory and his tattoo parallel Mo's situation, emphasizing the importance of family and the impact of incarceration. high ( Scene 1.14 )

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Mo' is a compelling and well-crafted exploration of the immigrant experience, centering on the Najjar family's journey from Kuwait to Houston during the Gulf War and their subsequent struggles to establish a new life in the United States. The opening scenes effectively establish the high-stakes situation and emotional turmoil faced by the family, while the later scenes delve into the complex family dynamics and the personal challenges each character must navigate. While the narrative could benefit from a more seamless integration between the past and present timelines and a more nuanced approach to certain social commentary, the screenplay overall demonstrates strong character development and a multifaceted exploration of the challenges and sacrifices inherent in the immigrant experience.

Strengths

The opening scenes effectively establish the Najjar family's tense and urgent situation as they hurriedly pack and escape Kuwait during the Gulf War. The details of their actions and the emotional stakes are vividly portrayed. high ( Scene 1 Scene 2 )
The dialogue and interactions between Mo and his family members, particularly Yusra and Sameer, provide insight into the characters' personalities and the family dynamics. These scenes humanize the characters and make them relatable. medium ( Scene 3 Scene 4 )
The screenplay effectively blends drama, humor, and social commentary, creating a multifaceted narrative that explores the immigrant experience and the challenges faced by the Najjar family. high

Areas of Improvement

The transition from the Gulf War scenes to the present-day storyline feels abrupt and could benefit from a more seamless integration to maintain the narrative flow. medium ( Scene 5 Scene 6 )
The dialogue in certain scenes, particularly the heated discussions between Mo and his friends, feels a bit heavy-handed in its social commentary. A more nuanced approach could make these moments more impactful. medium ( Scene 7 )

MissingElements

While the screenplay effectively explores the Najjar family's experiences, it could benefit from a more developed understanding of the broader social and political context that shapes their lives as immigrants and asylum-seekers. medium

NotablePoints

The creative use of details, such as the hidden compartments in Yusra's belongings and Mo's clever ruse to distract the Iraqi soldier, adds depth and realism to the characters' efforts to escape. high ( Scene 1 Scene 2 )
The exploration of the complex relationship between Mo and his family, particularly his mother Yusra and brother Sameer, provides nuanced character development and highlights the challenges of maintaining cultural identity in a new country. high ( Scene 8 Scene 9 )

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay 'Mo' combines humor, cultural richness, and a compelling portrayal of immigrant life to create a narrative that is both entertaining and enlightening. While it excels in character dialogue and cultural authenticity, it requires clearer narrative structure and more developed character arcs to fully realize its potential.

Strengths

Strong opening scenes with vivid descriptions that effectively set the historical and emotional context. high ( Scene 1.1 Scene 1.2 )
Effective tension and stakes during the checkpoint scene, showcasing family dynamics under pressure. high ( Scene 1.5 )
Engaging dialogue that reveals character depth and relationships, particularly in the diner scene. medium ( Scene 1.14 )
Good use of cultural references and humor to enrich the narrative and character interactions. medium
Mo's entrepreneurial spirit and adaptability are well-highlighted in his interactions with customers. medium ( Scene 1.13 )

Areas of Improvement

Needs more clarity in the overarching narrative structure and pacing to enhance engagement. high
Character arcs need deeper exploration and resolution, especially for supporting characters. medium
Some scenes feel slightly disconnected from the main plot, requiring tighter integration. medium
Increase the stakes or introduce additional conflict to heighten drama and viewer investment. medium
Explore more unique settings within the cultural context to enhance the visual and thematic richness. low

MissingElements

Lacks a clear antagonist or opposing force, which could heighten the central conflict. high
Missing backstories for key characters that could deepen viewer connection and understanding. medium
Could benefit from more subplots to enrich the main narrative and provide additional layers of conflict. medium
Needs more dramatic turning points to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged. medium
Additional scenes showing cultural integration challenges could enhance the realism and relatability. low

NotablePoints

The screenplay effectively uses humor and cultural nuances to create a unique voice. high
Strong sense of place and community that resonates through the setting descriptions and character interactions. medium
Dialogue is sharp and often serves multiple purposes, revealing character while advancing the plot. medium
Creative use of music and cultural references that enhance the storytelling and atmosphere. low
The screenplay's portrayal of immigrant experiences is both authentic and empathetic, providing a strong emotional core. high

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Screenplay Insights:

Characters: 8.1, The screenplay effectively portrays the challenges and complexities faced by the main character, Mo, as he grapples with conflicts that highlight his loyalty to his family and his personal aspirations. The characters are multi-dimensional, their choices have profound consequences, and their interactions drive the narrative forward. However, there are opportunities to deepen the emotional impact by further developing Mo's internal struggles and exploring the motivations of the supporting characters. See More

Premise: 7.8, The screenplay's premise offers a captivating blend of humor and cultural exploration, centered around a relatable protagonist navigating personal challenges and cultural identity. While the premise is clear and engaging, exploring Mo's internal conflicts and the consequences of his actions in greater depth could enhance the screenplay's overall intrigue and long-term audience investment. See More

Structure: 7.9, The screenplay showcases a coherent narrative structure and a plot that effectively builds tension and explores themes of family, survival, and cultural identity. Its strengths lie in the development of compelling characters and the use of humor to balance intense, emotional moments. However, the pacing could be improved to enhance audience engagement and some plot points require further refinement to strengthen the overall narrative. See More

Theme: 9.0, The screenplay effectively explores themes of family, identity, and the challenges of immigration through the compelling journey of the Najjar family. The messages of resilience, hope, and the pursuit of a better life resonate strongly with the audience, leaving a lasting impact. See More

Visual Impact: 7.3, The screenplay showcases a strong visual foundation with vivid descriptions that effectively convey the characters' emotional journeys and the tense atmosphere of the narrative. Its ability to immerse readers in the characters' experiences through sensory details and evocative imagery stands out as a strength. However, opportunities exist to enhance the screenplay's visual storytelling by incorporating more creative and distinctive elements, exploring visual metaphors and symbolism, and ensuring consistency in the visual style throughout. See More

Emotional Impact: 7.9, The screenplay demonstrates a strong emotional foundation, effectively drawing the audience into the characters' experiences. While it captures their struggles and triumphs, there's an opportunity for **further developing the emotional depth of the characters and exploring the emotional consequences of their actions in greater depth**. This would enhance the screenplay's ability to leave a lasting emotional impact. See More

Conflict: 7.7, The screenplay effectively leverages conflict and stakes to propel the narrative and maintain audience engagement. However, there are opportunities to deepen the conflict and heighten the stakes, which would enhance overall tension and emotional impact. See More

Originality: 8.2, The screenplay showcases originality in its unique portrayal of family dynamics and the challenges faced by first-generation immigrants. However, the plot's pacing and lack of a clear antagonist limit its overall creativity. See More

Summary In the midst of the Gulf War in 1991, the Najjar family prepares to flee Kuwait City as the Iraqi invasion looms. They hurriedly gather their belongings and hide their valuables, entrusting Mo with the responsibility of protecting their hidden wealth. During their journey, they face danger and uncertainty as Iraqi soldiers threaten them, but a superior officer intervenes to help. Once in Houston, Mo faces challenges such as losing his job and getting involved in selling counterfeit goods, despite warnings about the legal risks. As tensions rise, Mo's commitment to providing for his family clashes with concerns about his safety and legal status, leading to a violent outburst in a supermarket. The family's struggles and Mo's decisions highlight the complex dynamics of survival, sacrifice, and the pursuit of a better life amidst adversity.

Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay presents a compelling and timely story of a family's struggle to survive during the Gulf War and navigate the challenges of immigration in the US. The character of Mo is well-developed, showcasing his internal conflicts and growth throughout the narrative. The themes of family loyalty, cultural identity, and the pursuit of the American Dream are effectively explored. However, the plot could benefit from more nuanced character interactions and emotional depth to further engage the audience. Some scenes feel disconnected and could be better integrated into the overall story arc. Additionally, the resolution of Mo's internal conflicts and decision to leave behind illegal activities could be more impactful with added emotional weight.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider enhancing the relationships between Mo and his family members to provide more emotional depth and character development. Integrate the scenes more seamlessly into the narrative to create a cohesive story flow. Explore Mo's internal struggles and growth in more detail, highlighting the emotional impact of his decisions. Add moments of vulnerability and self-reflection for Mo to further engage the audience and enhance the overall emotional resonance of the story.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

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Mo - Score: 79/100

Role

Protagonist

Personality

MBTI: ENFP
Enneagram: Type 6 - The Loyalist

Scenes

Strongest: #1.5
Weakest: #1.6

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Mo is a resourceful young boy shaped by conflict.

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Mo's refugee background causes internal conflict.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 7/10

Mo's journey is marked by gradual maturity in navigating his responsibilities.

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Mo’s dialogue reflects both his youthfulness and the weight of his experiences.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Mo's choices reflect his desire to support his family while managing his own fears.

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Mo’s relationships reveal the weight of familial expectations and support.

Scene Impact 7/10

Mo’s presence often shifts the tone from lightheartedness to tension.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Mo serves as the emotional heart and anchor for his family.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Mo’s journey is a poignant exploration of immigrant identity.

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Mo’s journey elicits deep emotional engagement.

Foundational Definition

Score: 8

Mo Najjar is a young boy who is deeply impacted by the upheaval of his family due to the Gulf War. His character is shaped by his experiences as a refugee, leading him to develop resourcefulness and a strong sense of duty to his family. He embodies the struggle of navigating adolescence under stressful circumstances, with a grounded aim to protect and support his family. His perception of strength is heavily influenced by familial values, especially instilled by his father, Mustafa.

Values And Beliefs: Family loyalty, Resourcefulness, Desire for protection and safety

Strengths And Skills: Quick thinking, Empathy, Ability to manipulate emotions for protection

Suggestions

Develop more backstory that illustrates his childhood dreams versus the harsh realities he faces.
Explore the contrasts of his earlier innocence with the harshness of his current environment.

Follow-up Questions

How do the events of Mo’s childhood influence his adult decisions?
What specific moments from his past do you want to explore further?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 7

Mo carries the emotional weight of being a refugee, which contributes to his internal struggle and desire to fit in while caring for his family. He is torn between his childhood innocence and the harsh realities surrounding him. His impulsive behavior, such as his quick teary display to protect his mother, reveals an underlying vulnerability that contrasts with his confidence when dealing with his peers.

Character Wound: Trauma from losing his homeland and potential separation from his family.

Character Flaws: Impulsiveness, Fear of vulnerability, Struggles with deadlines and responsibilities

Suggestions

Highlight moments of introspection where Mo confronts his fears of isolation.
Include flashbacks that showcase his lost childhood or dreams.

Follow-up Questions

How does Mo’s internal conflict manifest as he grows older?
What coping mechanisms does he develop to deal with his past?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 7

Throughout the screenplay, Mo transitions from innocent childhood play to a more somber reality as he is forced to confront the dangers his family faces. His pivotal moments, like standing up to the soldier to protect his family, signify his growth from a passive child to an active protector. Yet, he shows resistance to fully accept adult responsibilities, as observed in his interactions with his family in the present day.

Polarity Changes: From playful child to a boy knowledgeable of the realities of survival., Moments of joy in his childhood juxtaposed with pressures of adulthood.

Transformation Triggers: The urgency and chaos of his family's escape from Kuwait., His experience with the Burly Soldier at the bus checkpoint.

Suggestions

Clarify momentous events that emphasize his reluctance to transition into adulthood.
Deepen his relationships with peers to illustrate his conflict between childhood and maturity.

Follow-up Questions

What defines Mo's sense of adulthood, and how does he confront it?
Are there specific triggers in his adult life that connect back to his childhood experiences?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 8

Mo’s speech patterns vary from playful banter with his siblings to earnest pleas for empathy during tense situations. His ability to manipulate his tone when addressing authority figures exhibits an emotional intelligence not typical for a child of his age. His dialogue shifts contextually, showcasing a youthful exuberance that struggles against the reality of his circumstances.

Unique Voice: Humor, nostalgia, and earnestness punctuate his speech, blending innocence with a survivor’s pragmatism.

Suggestions

Incorporate more culturally specific phrases or slang to reflect his upbringing.
Ensure grounded yet imaginative dialogue during conflict-heavy moments.

Follow-up Questions

How do Mo’s words reflect his understanding of his world?
What can dialogue in critical moments reveal about his emotional state?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Mo's behavior often exhibits both playful innocence and deep concern. When he fakes crying to protect his mother from the soldier, it illustrates his desire to take responsibility while revealing his immaturity at times. His choices often highlight his internal conflict between the carefree child he wants to be and the protector role thrust upon him due to circumstance.

Motivations: Desire to protect his family and maintain their dignity amidst chaos.

Desires Vs Needs: Wants to remain a child while needing to take on adult responsibilities for family survival.

Suggestions

Amplify moments where his decisions lead to unexpected consequences.
Show more of Mo’s internal struggle when deciding between fun and responsibility.

Follow-up Questions

What moments define Mo’s character growth through his choices?
How do his choices affect his relationships with family members?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 9

Mo’s interactions with his mother, siblings, and father showcase a deep connection rooted in love and expectation. He feels the weight of financial and emotional responsibility while yearning for the protective innocence of childhood. His closeness with his mother is evident in their teamwork during high-stakes moments, contrasting with his need to prove himself as a protector for the whole family.

Suggestions

Develop interactions with peers to contrast his family-centric perspective.
Include scenes that showcase camaraderie with his siblings to highlight moments of levity.

Follow-up Questions

How do Mo’s relationships evolve as he steps into adulthood?
Are there battles between familial loyalty and personal desires he faces?

Scene Impact

Score: 7

Mo’s interactions increase the stakes in pivotal scenes, such as when he fakes crying to protect his family from soldiers. He balances his youthfulness with moments of serious gravity, thus shifting the emotional tone in critical scenes. His reluctance to leave home contributes to the overall atmosphere of suspense and urgency.

Suggestions

Emphasize his emotions in critical scenes to enhance audience engagement.
Create contrasting moments where his decisions either defuse or escalate tension.

Follow-up Questions

What are the major scenes where Mo's decisions alter the outcome?
How does the audience's emotional engagement shift in response to Mo's actions?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

As the protagonist, Mo embodies the trials of a refugee child, navigating family responsibility while yearning for normalcy and security. His character represents the hope and resilience found in immigrant experiences, demonstrating growth and strength in adversity against the backdrop of family chaos.

Symbolic Role: Symbolizes resilience and the struggle of a displaced youth.

Suggestions

Explore how his role as a protector impacts his self-perception.
Show interactions with mentors or peers that highlight his responsibilities.

Follow-up Questions

How does Mo’s journey exemplify broader themes of migration and resilience?
What turns or challenges could subvert Mo's expected role as a protector?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Mo’s life experiences tie deeply into themes of belonging, identity, and cultural duality. Through his struggles, the screenplay showcases the difficulty of balancing a past filled with violence and loss with a present filled with hope and family loyalty. His journey towards self-acceptance and safety runs parallel with broader immigrant experiences in a post-war landscape, giving the narrative depth and emotional weight.

Suggestions

Highlight his internal struggles to reinforce the immigrant experience theme.
Integrate more interactions that showcase cultural elements reflecting Mo's background.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways can Mo’s story serve as a lens for examining broader societal issues?
How can the intersections of identity and culture be more thoroughly explored through his experiences?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 8

Mo elicits strong emotional reactions through his innocent demeanor coupled with the gravitas of his situation. The audience is invited to empathize with his struggles, making each moment of bravery or vulnerability resonate deeply. His interactions, particularly those showcasing family dynamics and conflict, highlight a relatable human experience that captivates viewers emotionally.

Emotional Impact: Evokes sympathy and concern as he navigates trauma and responsibility.

Suggestions

Increase moments of vulnerability to strengthen audience connection.
Create scenes that balance serious themes with moments of humor to deepen emotional engagement.

Follow-up Questions

How does the audience's emotional attachment to Mo reflect on their understanding of immigrant stories?
What additional elements can increase his relatability and emotional depth?

Personality Types

MBTI: enfp

Mo displays traits typical of an ENFP through his imaginative play, empathy towards family, and tendency to react intuitively in stressful situations. His warmth and enthusiasm highlight a need for social connection, complemented by depth in emotional contexts.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: isfp (60%)

Suggestions

Use Mo’s ENFP traits to craft scenes that explore his ideals and values.
Incorporate choices reflecting an ISFP's focus on aesthetics and emotion.

Follow-up Questions

How might Mo's personality traits influence his decisions throughout the screenplay?
What key decisions could sharply contrast each MBTI type?

Enneagram: type 6 - the loyalist

Mo displays the characteristics of a Type 6, showcasing loyalty to family and a desire for security amidst chaos. His protective instincts reflect a strong conscientiousness and a need to provide reliability in uncertainty.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: type 7 - the enthusiast (50%)

Suggestions

Highlight moments where Mo’s loyalty conflicts with his own desires.
Explore how Type 7 characteristics may emerge in happier moments.

Follow-up Questions

What situations put Mo's loyalty to the test?
How can contrasting traits from the second type be revealed through interactions?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (1.5)

The bus checkpoint scene showcases Mo's bravery and quick thinking, demonstrating his protective nature.

Why: It starkly illustrates his character's growth, effectively combining humor with a serious context that elevates the stakes.

Weakest Scene (1.6)

In the car montage, his character appears less active and more observant, losing some of the active engagement that defines him.

Why: The scene underplays Mo's dynamic presence by capturing him in a passive observation role.

Suggestions:

Integrate internal monologues to enhance Mo's emotional presence.
Highlight small interactions in the montage that reflect his personality.

Yusra - Score: 82/100

Role

Supporting character

Personality

MBTI: ESFJ
Enneagram: 2 (The Helper)

Scenes

Strongest: #1.2
Weakest: #1.4

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 9/10

Resilient mother focused on family safety

Complexity And Depth 8/10

Emotionally complex with fears for her family

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 7/10

Yusra's arc focuses on her steadfastness in the face of adversity.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Yusra's dialogue conveys urgency and maternal instinct.

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Yusra's actions are driven by her fierce dedication to family.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Yusra's relationships are central to her character development.

Scene Impact 9/10

Yusra's presence drives the emotional core of her scenes.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Yusra embodies the archetype of the protective mother.

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Yusra's journey mirrors broader themes of survival and familial bonds.

Emotional Resonance 9/10

Strong emotional connection through maternal dedication

Foundational Definition

Score: 9

Yusra Najjar is the determined and protective mother of the Najjar family. Her character embodies resilience and responsibility, particularly in the context of the dire circumstances surrounding the Gulf War. As a mother whose family is in crisis, Yusra’s primary motivation is the safety and security of her children, which she demonstrates by hastily concealing valuable cash and orchestrating their escape. Her actions reflect not only her maternal instincts but also a practical mindset shaped by the harsh realities of their environment.

Values And Beliefs: Family security, Resourcefulness in crisis, Adaptability

Strengths And Skills: Quick thinking, Sewing and crafting for concealment, Strong emotional support

Suggestions

Explore her backstory to reveal past experiences that heightened her resilience.
Show scenes that highlight her strategic thinking and resourcefulness more clearly.

Follow-up Questions

What prior experiences may have influenced Yusra's ability to act quickly in this crisis?
How does Yusra's relationship with her husband influence her decisions?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 8

Yusra is portrayed with emotional depth, showcasing her hidden fears and the burden of responsibility that weighs upon her. While she is courageous, there is an underlying anxiety about the safety of her family and the uncertainty of their future. This emotional wound drives her actions, as she works tirelessly to protect her children. Her character does not lend itself to overt flaws but instead reveals the strength and fragility inherent in a mother's love and fear in the face of war.

Character Wound: Fear of losing her family in a chaotic war environment

Character Flaws: Overprotectiveness, Difficulty expressing vulnerability

Suggestions

Introduce moments where Yusra reveals her fears to another character to enhance her emotional complexity.
Incorporate flashbacks that juxtapose her past life with her current struggles.

Follow-up Questions

How do Yusra's fears manifest in her interactions with her children?
What does Yusra do to cope with her anxiety about their safety?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 7

Throughout the screenplay, Yusra's character remains steadfastly committed to her family's wellbeing. Despite the trauma and uncertainty surrounding them, she exhibits a consistent drive to protect and secure their future. Her development hinges on navigating the precariousness of their situation without a significant change in values or beliefs, reflecting the real-life struggles many face during conflict.

Polarity Changes: Yusra experiences tension between hope for safety and the dire reality of their situation.

Transformation Triggers: The chaotic environment of war forces Yusra to adapt and make crucial decisions regarding her family's safety.

Suggestions

Highlight the evolution of her hope as the story progresses, perhaps through key dialogues.
Create a moment that tests her resilience to further showcase her arc.

Follow-up Questions

In what ways does Yusra's outlook on the war shift as the story unfolds?
What pivotal moments might challenge her perception of motherhood?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Yusra's speech throughout the screenplay reflects her care and urgency. Much of her communication is directed towards her children, showcasing a blend of authority and affection. While her words are practical and firm in the context of their escape, there are also tender moments that reveal her deep love and commitment to her family. Yusra’s dialogue palette is enriched by her use of Arabic, underscoring her cultural identity and grounding her character within her family narrative.

Unique Voice: Dialogues are often commanding and protective, emphasizing her maternal role.

Suggestions

Incorporate more dialogue that reveals her inner thoughts to deepen her character.
Consider varying her speech patterns to reflect different emotional states more distinctly.

Follow-up Questions

How does Yusra's use of Arabic versus English affect her connection with her children?
What does her dialogue reveal about her priorities during the unfolding crisis?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 8

Yusra’s behavior is deeply rooted in her protective nature. From packing crucial belongings to stashing money, her choices reflect her prioritization of her children’s safety above all else. Each decision she makes is calculated to minimize risk and ensure that her family can escape the deteriorating situation. Her strong moral compass drives her actions, affecting not just her family dynamics but also the overall atmosphere of desperation and determination.

Motivations: Yusra is motivated by a primal instinct to protect her children and secure their future.

Desires Vs Needs: She desires stability and peace for her family but must confront the chaotic reality of war.

Suggestions

Add moments where her decisions face opposition from her children, revealing the conflict her choices create.
Show consequences for her choices to illustrate both the risks and rewards of her protective instincts.

Follow-up Questions

What internal conflicts might Yusra face when making decisions for her family?
How does Yusra's parenting style shape her children's responses to the crisis?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

Yusra’s connections with her children are the heartbeat of her character; she serves as a guiding light as they navigate their family’s tumultuous situation. The communications with her children show moments of frustration, pride, and unconditional love. Her relationship with her husband, though not described extensively, adds another dimension to her character's sacrifices, implying an alliance in their survival, while also hinting at the burden she bears alone in their absence.

Suggestions

Introduce more interactions with her husband to depict the dynamics of their partnership.
Incorporate scenes that depict her feelings towards her siblings or wider family to enrich her relationships.

Follow-up Questions

What does Yusra’s way of interacting with her children reveal about her own upbringing?
How do Yusra's relationships evolve as the story progresses?

Scene Impact

Score: 9

Yusra significantly impacts the scenes, as her actions and resolve bring urgency and emotional weight. In moments of crisis, her ability to take charge creates tension and resolution. The audience feels her struggles and commitment to her family, particularly in scenes where she conceals money and packs their belongings, underlining the tension and stakes that resonate throughout their escape. Her emotional investments amplify the overall atmosphere of desperation, hope, and maternal love.

Suggestions

Allow Yusra to show vulnerability in critical scenes to enhance emotional connections.
Prioritize her moments of action to allow her character to shine in the chaos.

Follow-up Questions

Which scenes could further emphasize Yusra’s emotional state and impact?
How could Yusra’s actions introduce or resolve conflicts within her family?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

Yusra fulfills the role of a devoted mother who embodies strength and resilience in the face of war, which makes her an essential part of the family dynamic. She symbolizes the protective force behind the Najjar family, often acting as a buffer against the harsh realities of their situation. Her fierce maternal instincts not only serve to guide her children but also represent a larger narrative of survival and hope in the chaos of conflict. She stands as a pillar of strength for her children, making sacrifices for their well-being.

Symbolic Role: Yusra symbolizes resilience and maternal love amidst chaos.

Suggestions

Explore moments that contrast her protective role with vulnerability to add depth.
Consider a subplot that highlights her personal sacrifices and priorities.

Follow-up Questions

How does Yusra’s role evolve as the story acknowledges her sacrifices?
What moments might challenge her protective instincts?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 9

Yusra's character journey is intricately tied to the screenplay's themes of survival, maternal sacrifice, and family unity in the face of adversity. Her actions serve to reinforce the overarching narrative that prioritizes familial bonds and resilience against chaos. As she navigates the challenges of fleeing war, her commitment to her children emphasizes the importance of familial love, even amidst dire circumstances. This thematic integration adds depth to her character, making her actions resonate with a universal audience.

Suggestions

Deepen her involvement in significant thematic moments to enhance her narrative weight.
Create connections between her actions and larger societal issues for more impactful commentary.

Follow-up Questions

How do Yusra’s experiences reflect the experiences of other families in similar conflicts?
In what ways could her character contribute to the exploration of deep-rooted themes?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 9

Yusra effectively generates emotional resonance, primarily through her fierce dedication to her children and her resolve in navigating the chaos of war. The audience can empathize with her struggles, making her a relatable figure as she embodies the essence of maternal love under pressure. The stakes she faces resonate deeply, leaving the audience invested in her family's plight. Her character serves not only to elicit sympathy but also to inspire hope, enriching the emotional landscape of the screenplay.

Emotional Impact: Yusra evokes a strong empathetic response through her sacrifices and struggles.

Suggestions

Enhance moments of reflection for Yusra to solidify the emotional connection.
Incorporate scenes where her emotional state directly influences her children's behavior.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes elicit the most sympathy for Yusra, and why?
How can her emotional expressions be accentuated to strengthen audience engagement?

Personality Types

MBTI: esfj

Yusra demonstrates traits associated with ESFJ, such as warmth, a strong sense of responsibility towards her family, and a focus on community values.

Confidence: 80%

Possible Alternative Type: isfj (60%)

Suggestions

Highlight her caring nature in interactions with others to enhance the ESFJ traits.
Explore moments where she reflects her values in decision-making or planning.

Follow-up Questions

How did her upbringing shape her personality type?
In what contexts does she exhibit introverted qualities despite her extroverted tendencies?

Enneagram: 2 (the helper)

Yusra fits the Helper type, driven by a need to be supportive and protective of her family, often prioritizing their needs over her own.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: 6 (the loyalist) (60%)

Suggestions

Consider intruding upon Yusra's emotional space by showcasing her vulnerabilities.
Create challenging scenarios where her ‘helper’ instincts conflict with her personal needs.

Follow-up Questions

How might Yusra's motivations align with the values of her cultural background?
In what situations does her loyalty create tension within the family?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (1.2)

Yusra is at her strongest as she desperately gathers money and supports her children's spirit amidst chaos.

Why: This scene showcases her resourcefulness, emotional strength, and protective nature, enriching her character's narrative.

Weakest Scene (1.4)

In this scene, Yusra is largely passive as she prepares to leave, which diminishes her agency.

Why: Though she is in a stressful situation, her lack of active involvement makes this a weaker moment for her character development.

Suggestions:

Incorporate dialogue that expresses her feelings or fears during this scene.
Show her actively engaging with her children to bolster her role as a guiding presence.

Maria - Score: 70/100

Personality

MBTI: ESFJ
Enneagram: 2

Scenes

Strongest: #1.14
Weakest: #1.8

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 7/10

Vibrant and assertive girlfriend with progressive values.

Complexity And Depth 6/10

Confident yet pressured by relationship dynamics and fears.

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 6/10

Maria seeks growth while navigating her relationship with Mo.

Dialogue And Voice 7/10

Maria's dialogue reflects her assertive and humorous personality.

Behavior And Choices 7/10

Maria's actions exhibit both support for Mo and personal desires for stability.

Relationship Dynamics 8/10

Maria and Mo's relationship is marked by love, tension, and cultural differences.

Scene Impact 7/10

Maria's presence often elevates emotional stakes in key moments.

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Maria serves as a catalyst for Mo's personal growth.

Thematic Plot Integration 7/10

Maria's journey complements the themes of identity and belonging.

Emotional Resonance 7/10

Strong emotional presence that invokes empathy and connection.

Foundational Definition

Score: 7

Maria is introduced as Mo's girlfriend who has a vibrant personality and a strong voice in their relationship. Her values seem to integrate both her Mexican cultural identity and a progressive liberal stance, as highlighted in her discussions about politics and culture. She shows a blend of kindness and assertiveness, balancing affection towards Mo with a desire for their relationship to progress. This blend influences how she interacts with Mo and contributes to his character development.

Values And Beliefs: Progressive politics, Cultural identity, Support for loved ones

Strengths And Skills: Strong communication, Empathy, Sense of humor

Suggestions

Deepen her backstory to highlight how her cultural upbringing shapes her values.
Explore her professional ambitions or struggles to add depth.

Follow-up Questions

What specific experiences shaped Maria's views on cultural identity?
How does Maria's background influence her expectations from Mo?

Complexity And Depth

Score: 6

While Maria appears confident, there are signs of underlying tension when she discusses Mo's life choices, particularly regarding his work and her desire for a more traditional relationship. She challenges Mo to confront his past and their relationship dynamics, indicating her deeper emotional stakes. This complexity is revealed through her interactions with Mo and hints at her own fears of instability and uncertainty in their future together.

Character Wound: Fear of being undervalued or disregarded in her relationship.

Character Flaws: Overly critical at times, Assumes she knows Mo's family dynamics too well

Suggestions

Introduce a scenario where Maria faces her own insecurities directly.
Show more of her emotional vulnerability when discussing their future.

Follow-up Questions

How does Maria's fear of instability influence her decisions in the relationship?
What might happen if Maria confronts her insecurities openly with Mo?

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis

Score: 6

Maria exhibits a desire for growth in her relationship with Mo, encouraging him to consider his future and their potential together. Her struggles to balance understanding Mo's situation and pushing him towards stability show her internal conflict. Key moments of tension arise when she questions their future, indicating that she is at a crossroads between love and practicality.

Polarity Changes: Her desire for a stable relationship versus Mo's uncertain status.

Transformation Triggers: Conversations about Mo's job loss and cultural differences.

Suggestions

Clarify her objectives in the relationship throughout key discussions.
Incrementally reveal how she adapts to Mo's uncertainties to show evolution.

Follow-up Questions

What pivotal moments could challenge Maria's views on relationships?
How can Maria demonstrate her growth while supporting Mo?

Dialogue And Voice

Score: 7

Maria's speech patterns feature a balance between playful banter and serious discussions about her relationship and cultural expectations. Her dialogue is filled with contemporary references and echoes her assertive personality, making her a compelling presence in Mo's life. This dual nature allows her to both challenge and support him effectively.

Unique Voice: Witty, straightforward, often uses humor to diffuse tension.

Suggestions

Introduce more culturally specific references in her dialogue for authenticity.
Create scenes where her humor contrasts sharply with tense situations to highlight her coping mechanisms.

Follow-up Questions

How does Maria's humor shape her relationship dynamics with Mo?
What cultural references can deepen her dialogue?

Behavior And Choices

Score: 7

Maria's choices are rooted in her love for Mo but often reflect her frustrations regarding their future. She grapples with the challenge of wanting to help him while facing the reality of his unstable situation. Her behavior fluctuates between annoyance and affection, showing how deeply she cares but also how overwhelmed she feels.

Motivations: Desire to support Mo while ensuring her own needs for safety and stability.

Desires Vs Needs: Desires a nurturing relationship contrasted with the need for practical stability.

Suggestions

Create moments where her dilemmas become more pronounced, resulting in tough choices.
Explore how her motivations evolve in response to Mo's actions.

Follow-up Questions

What specific incidents cause her to question her relationship with Mo?
How can Maria's behavior demonstrate her internal struggles more clearly?

Relationship Dynamics

Score: 8

The dynamic between Maria and Mo is rich with underlying tension from their cultural backgrounds and personal ambitions. She acts as both Mo's supporter and critic, pushing him to think about their future while dealing with her own cultural expectations. This relationship is pivotal to both characters' arcs, as they navigate their identities and desires.

Suggestions

Add scenes that highlight cultural conflicts to enrich their narrative complexity.
Show Maria's reactions to Mo's family dynamics and how it influences their connection.

Follow-up Questions

What cultural challenges shape their relationship dynamics?
How can their relationship be put to the test to showcase growth?

Scene Impact

Score: 7

Maria's interactions with Mo introduce emotional highs and lows, as her assertiveness often forces Mo to confront uncomfortable truths about his life. Her ability to shift the emotional tone—from lighthearted banter to serious discussions—directly impacts the scenes they share, making her an essential part of the narrative's emotional landscape.

Suggestions

Enhance her reactions during tense moments to further show her influence.
Add scenes where her absence creates a noticeable vacuum in Mo's life.

Follow-up Questions

What specific scenes could benefit from a stronger emotional presence from Maria?
How might her absence in certain scenes alter the emotional tone?

Role Fulfillment

Score: 8

As Mo's girlfriend, Maria embodies a voice of reason and practicality, often challenging him to reevaluate his choices and future. Through her, the audience sees both the beauty and struggle of love as they navigate cultural expectations and personal aspirations. Her role is crucial as it helps push Mo toward potential change.

Symbolic Role: Represents the intersection of love and practicality in Mo's life.

Suggestions

Clarify her symbolic role in relation to Mo's growth trajectory.
Explore her ideals versus reality to create a rich narrative conflict.

Follow-up Questions

What are Maria's goals in the broader story, especially concerning Mo?
How can her role further expose the complexities of their cultural dynamics?

Thematic Plot Integration

Score: 7

Maria's relationship with Mo intertwines with major themes of cultural identity and the immigrant experience. As they navigate their differences, her experiences reflect the struggle of finding belonging within dual identities, making her character pivotal to the thematic fabric of the screenplay.

Suggestions

Develop plot points where her identity clashes with Mo's to enrich thematic content.
Show how Maria's perspective alters the understanding of immigrant struggles.

Follow-up Questions

How does Maria's character arc influence the screenplay's themes?
What key moments can represent the clash of identities for her?

Emotional Resonance

Score: 7

Maria effectively elicits emotional responses as she navigates her relationship with Mo, showcasing both strength and vulnerability. Her journey resonates with audiences, allowing them to identify with her frustrations and desires, creating empathy in moments of tension.

Emotional Impact: Evokes sympathy and connection through her struggles and strengths.

Suggestions

Enhance her internal conflicts to deepen audience connection.
Use her strengths to create more compelling emotional moments.

Follow-up Questions

What scenes would benefit from highlighting Maria's emotional stakes further?
How can her emotional journey mirror or contrast Mo's for greater impact?

Personality Types

MBTI: esfj

Maria's outgoing nature, her ability to connect with people, and her concern for Mo's well-being align with ESFJ traits, often seen as helpers and social connectors.

Confidence: 75%

Possible Alternative Type: enfj (25%)

Suggestions

Explore how her extraverted feeling type affects relationships outside Mo's.
Use her ESFJ traits to highlight conflicts with Mo's introverted tendencies.

Follow-up Questions

How does Maria's ESFJ nature manifest in her relationships with other characters?
What specific situations can challenge her natural tendencies?

Enneagram: 2

Maria's nurturing attitude and desire to support Mo, coupled with her emotional responses, suggest she aligns with the Helper archetype.

Confidence: 70%

Possible Alternative Type: 3 (30%)

Suggestions

Delve into moments where her helper tendencies conflict with her own needs.
Explore how her ambition could emerge in driving the plot.

Follow-up Questions

How do Maria's helper traits influence her view of herself and her aspirations?
What events could expose her vulnerabilities tied to her Enneagram type?

Key Scenes

Strongest Scene (1.14)

Maria's dynamic with Mo and Nick at The Breakfast Klub.

Why: The blend of humor and serious undertones reveals her character's complexities and strengthens her emotional resonance.

Weakest Scene (1.8)

Maria and Mo's conversation about Mo's job loss and cultural differences.

Why: The dialogue lacks depth, making Maria's concerns feel one-dimensional and not as impactful as other scenes.

Suggestions:

Provide Maria with more emotional weight to express her fears.
Introduce a more dramatic conflict to elevate the stakes of their conversation.

Theme

Theme Details

Theme Explanation

Family and Belonging (25%)

The importance of family and the sacrifices made for their well-being, as seen in the Najjar family's flight from Kuwait and Mo's determination to protect his family's wealth.

The screenplay emphasizes the strong bonds of family and the lengths individuals will go to protect and provide for their loved ones.

Strengthening Family and Belonging:

Suggestion Type	How to Strengthen the Theme
Dialogue - Scene 1	Incorporate dialogue between family members expressing their fears and hopes for the future as they prepare to leave Kuwait. This will establish a strong sense of family unity and their shared experiences.
Action - Scene 2	Add a scene where Mo proactively takes actions to protect his family during the chaotic bus journey. This will emphasize his sense of responsibility and his unwavering commitment to their well-being.
Visual - Scene 3	Include visual cues throughout the screenplay that symbolize the family's connection to their home and culture. This could include objects, customs, or traditions that evoke a sense of belonging and shared history.
Character Arc	Develop Mo's internal struggle between his desire for independence and his responsibility towards his family. This will create a compelling character arc that highlights the complexities of family relationships.
Story Arc	Introduce a subplot that explores the theme of family and belonging outside of the immediate Najjar family. This could involve interactions with other characters who are also navigating issues of displacement, identity, and connection.

Identity and Cultural Conflict (20%)

The struggle to maintain one's cultural identity while navigating a new environment, as seen in Mo's experiences as an Iraqi immigrant in the United States.

The screenplay explores the challenges and complexities of navigating different cultures and the impact it has on individuals' sense of self.

War and its Consequences (15%)

The devastating effects of war and its impact on individuals and families, as seen in the Najjar family's flight from Kuwait.

The screenplay depicts the horrors and tragedies of war, highlighting its lasting impact on those who experience it.

Cultural Assimilation and American Dream (10%)

The pursuit of the American Dream and the challenges faced by immigrants trying to assimilate into a new culture.

The screenplay examines the aspirations and struggles of immigrants as they navigate the obstacles and opportunities of a new country.

Plight of Refugees (10%)

The struggles faced by refugees who are forced to flee their homes and seek refuge in a new country.

The screenplay sheds light on the challenges and vulnerabilities of refugees, highlighting the need for compassion and support.

Survival and Resilience (5%)

The determination of individuals to overcome adversity and rebuild their lives, as seen in Mo's journey as an immigrant.

The screenplay emphasizes the human spirit's ability to persevere and find strength in the face of challenges.

Cultural Appropriation (5%)

The issue of cultural appropriation and the importance of respecting different cultures.

The screenplay briefly explores the topic of cultural appropriation, raising awareness about the sensitivity and significance of cultural practices.

Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site	Description
Studio Binder	Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly	Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August	Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics	Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme	Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script	Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts

Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals	The protagonist's internal goals revolve around protecting his family and ensuring their safety, maintaining financial stability, and asserting his independence.
External Goals	The protagonist's external goals include escaping Kuwait and reaching safety in Houston, avoiding detection by soldiers, securing his job despite legal issues, and finding new sources of income.
Philosophical Conflict	The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around responsibilities, individuality, and ethics in challenging circumstances.

Character Development Contribution: The goals and conflicts push the protagonist to evolve, challenging his beliefs, actions, and relationships, leading to growth and self-discovery.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The goals and conflicts drive the narrative forward, creating tension, conflict, and resolution that propel the story and engage the audience in the protagonist's journey.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts deepen the thematic exploration of family, ethics, identity, and survival, adding layers of complexity and resonance to the screenplay's narrative and characters.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site	Description
Creative Screenwriting	How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder	What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title	Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict	How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great	By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals	By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?

What's going on here? - Scenes are rated on many critreia. The goal isn't to try to maximize every number; \ It's to make you aware of what's happening in your scenes. You might have very good reasons to have character development but not advance the story, or have a scene without conflict. Obviously if your dialogue is really bad, you should probably look into that.

Abbreviate Headers

Story Content

Character Development

Scene Elements

Audience Engagement

Technical Aspects

			Story Content			Character Development				Scene Elements					Audience Engagement				Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis	Tone	Overall	Concept	Plot	Originality	Characters	Character Changes	Internal Goal	External Goal	Conflict	Opposition	High stakes	Story forward	Twist	Emotional Impact	Dialogue	Engagement	Pacing	Formatting	Structure
1 - Flight from Kuwait	Tense, Sentimental, Hopeful, Nostalgic	8	8	8	9	9	7	9	8	7	8	8	8	8	9	8	9	9	9	9
2 - Checkpoint Confrontation	Tense, Anxious, Emotional, Suspenseful	9	8	9	9	8	7	8	7	9	8	9	8	8	9	7	9	8	8	8
3 - Mo Gets Fired	Serious, Humorous, Conversational	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	6	8	6	8	7	7	8	9	8	8	8
4 - Clash Over Mother	Playful, Sarcastic, Reflective	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7.5	5	8	4	6	8	6	8	9	8.5	8	8
5 - A Deal in the Hookah Lounge	Humorous, Serious, Reflective	8	8	7	9	9	6	8	7	7	8	6	8	7	6	8	9	8	8	8
6 - Hustle in the Parking Lot	Humorous, Conversational, Persuasive	8	8	7	9	8	6	8	7	7	8	6	8	7	6	9	9	9	8	8
7 - Clash of Values: Counterfeit Quandary	Tense, Serious, Dark, Intense	8	8	7	9	9	8	8	7	9	8	9	8	7	7	8	9	8	8	8

Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Here are some things that came out of the scene level analysis.
This is a summary of the strengths, weaknesses, and suggestions found in each scene. Some things might appear in both strengths and weaknesses based on the variety of your scenes.
For summary of each criteria click in the top row on the criteria.

Scene Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Well-developed characters
Emotional depth
Character development
Balanced tone

Scene Weaknesses

Some cliched dialogue
Limited plot progression
Low stakes
Limited physical action
Potential ethical implications of selling counterfeit goods may not resonate with all audiences

Suggestions

Avoid using cliched dialogue and find new and unique ways for characters to communicate
Consider adding more plot twists and surprises to increase the stakes and make the story more captivating
Include more physical action to keep the audience engaged
Explore the potential ethical implications of the characters' actions and make them more relatable to a wider range of audiences
Continuously work on improving dialogue writing skills to create more nuanced and authentic interactions between characters

World Building

Physical environment: The screenplay depicts a world of chaos and danger, from the war-torn streets of Kuwait during the Gulf War to the urban hustle of Alief, TX. The physical environments range from cluttered homes to strip mall parking lots, reflecting the characters' struggles and economic challenges.
Culture: The cultural elements in the screenplay are diverse and rich, with characters speaking Arabic, Spanish, and English. There are references to different cultural backgrounds, religious differences, and historical events, adding depth to the world and characters.
Society: The societal structures in the screenplay vary from oppressive regimes in Iraq to the struggles of immigrants in the US. Family dynamics, economic hardships, and societal challenges shape the characters' interactions and decisions, highlighting the complexities of their lives.
Technology: The technological aspects in the screenplay range from soldering electronic components in Kuwait to selling counterfeit goods in Alief, TX. The use of technology reflects the characters' resourcefulness, struggles, and aspirations in different settings.
Characters influence: The unique physical environments, cultural elements, societal structures, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions in the screenplay. From fleeing war-torn countries to navigating immigrant challenges, the characters' decisions are influenced by their world and the obstacles they face.
Narrative contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the narrative by creating a rich and immersive setting for the characters' stories. The physical environments, cultural elements, societal structures, and technology add depth and complexity to the plot, driving the characters' journeys and conflicts.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the thematic depth by exploring themes of family, identity, resilience, and survival in the face of adversity. The physical environments, cultural elements, societal structures, and technology provide a backdrop for the characters' struggles and growth, adding layers of meaning to the story.

Voice Analysis
Summary:	The writer's voice is characterized by authentic dialogue, vivid descriptions, and a focus on family dynamics. The prose is lyrical and evocative, with a strong sense of place and a deep understanding of the immigrant experience.
Voice Contribution	The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a rich and immersive world for the characters and allowing the audience to connect with them on a deep level. The authentic dialogue and vivid descriptions bring the characters to life, and the focus on family dynamics adds depth and emotional resonance to the story.
Best Representation Scene	5 - A Deal in the Hookah Lounge
Best Scene Explanation	Scene 5 is the best representative of the writer's voice because it perfectly captures the blend of humor, pathos, and cultural specificity that is характерно for the script. The dialogue between Mo and his family is authentic and emotionally resonant, and the description of the food is both evocative and humorous.

Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern	Explanation
High Tension Scenes Drive Overall Grade	Scenes with a tense tone consistently scored higher overall, suggesting that the author's ability to create a sense of tension positively impacts the quality of the screenplay.
Strong Emotional Impact Elevates Dialogue and Characterization	Scenes with a high emotional impact tended to score higher in dialogue and characterization, indicating that the author effectively uses emotional moments to enhance these elements.
Character Changes Align with High Stakes	Scenes that contained significant character changes often had higher stakes, suggesting that the author skillfully uses moments of tension to drive character growth.
Scenes Lacking High Stakes May Hinder Story Progression	Scenes with low stakes tended to score lower in moving the story forward, indicating that the author may need to consider adding more urgency to certain scenes to maintain narrative momentum.
Playful and Sarcastic Tones Hinder Character Development	Scenes with a playful or sarcastic tone generally scored lower in characterization, suggesting that the author should be mindful of using these tones excessively as they may overshadow character depth.
Emotional Moments Correspond with Higher Conflict	Scenes with a high emotional impact often featured higher levels of conflict, implying that the author effectively uses emotional tension to escalate dramatic situations.
Sentimental Scenes Boost Overall Impact	Scenes with a sentimental tone scored higher overall, indicating that the author's ability to evoke nostalgia and emotional resonance positively affects the screenplay's impact on the reader.

Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The writer has a strong grasp of character development, dialogue, and narrative pacing. The scenes showcase a unique voice and an ability to blend humor, drama, and cultural commentary effectively. The screenplay effectively conveys the emotional stakes, cultural authenticity, and social issues faced by the characters. With consistent effort and targeted improvements in specific areas, the writer can further enhance the screenplay's impact and storytelling prowess.

Key Improvement Areas

Dialogue

The dialogue in several scenes could benefit from greater nuance, wit, and authenticity. Enhancing the dialogue will bring the characters to life and elevate the screenplay's overall impact.

Pacing

Some scenes could benefit from tighter pacing to maintain audience engagement. Refining the pacing will ensure a smooth flow of events and avoid any unnecessary drag in the narrative.

Subtext and Symbolism

Exploring the use of subtext and symbolism in the screenplay can add depth and complexity to the storytelling. Incorporating these elements will enhance the emotional and thematic resonance of the scenes.

Suggestions

Type	Suggestion	Rationale
Screenplay	Read 'The Big Sick' screenplay by Kumail Nanjiani and Emily V. Gordon.	This screenplay effectively balances humor, drama, and cultural authenticity, offering valuable insights into dialogue, character development, and pacing.
Exercise	Practice writing dialogue-heavy scenes with conflicting character motivations and emotional depth.Practice In SceneProv	This exercise will help enhance the writer's skills in creating dynamic characters and authentic dialogue interactions.
Book	Read 'Story' by Robert McKee.	This book provides a comprehensive guide to storytelling techniques, structure, and character development, offering valuable insights for improving the screenplay's overall narrative.

Additional Notes: The writer has a strong foundation in storytelling and a clear understanding of the elements that make a compelling screenplay. With focused effort in the identified improvement areas, the writer can refine their craft, elevate the screenplay's impact, and captivate audiences with their unique voice and storytelling abilities.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope	Trope Details	Trope Explanation
The Refugee	The Najjar family is gezwungen to flee Kuwait City during the Iraqi invasion. They must leave behind their home, belongings, and friends. This is a common experience for refugees around the world.	This trope is often used to show the hardships that refugees face, such as discrimination, persecution, and poverty. It can also be used to raise awareness of the plight of refugees and to encourage people to help them.
The Hidden Treasure	The Najjar family hides their valuables in secret compartments of clothing and accessories.	This trope is often used to create suspense and excitement. It can also be used to show the characters' resourcefulness and determination.
The Innocent Bystander	Mo, Sameer, Nadia, and Yusra are all innocent bystanders who are caught up in the Iraqi invasion.	This trope is often used to show the randomness and brutality of war. It can also be used to create sympathy for the victims of war.
The Good Samaritan	A superior officer intervenes and helps the Najjar family during their ordeal.	This trope is often used to show that even in the darkest of times, there are still people who are willing to help others. It can also be used to create hope and inspiration.
The Underdog	Mo is an underdog who is trying to make a living in a tough world.	This trope is often used to create sympathy for the protagonist and to make the audience root for them. It can also be used to show the power of perseverance and determination.
The Con Man	Mo is a con man who sells counterfeit goods to make a living.	This trope is often used to create suspense and excitement. It can also be used to show the characters' moral dilemmas and their willingness to break the law.
The Criminal	Mo is involved in criminal activities, such as selling counterfeit goods.	This trope is often used to create suspense and excitement. It can also be used to show the characters' moral dilemmas and their willingness to break the law.
The Rebel	Mo is a rebel who is willing to break the rules in order to do what he thinks is right.	This trope is often used to create sympathy for the protagonist and to make the audience root for them. It can also be used to show the power of perseverance and determination.
The Hero's Journey	Mo's story follows the classic hero's journey, in which he must overcome challenges and obstacles in order to achieve his goals.	This trope is often used to create a sense of adventure and excitement. It can also be used to show the protagonist's growth and development.
The Coming-of-Age Story	Mo's story is a coming-of-age story, in which he must learn to make his own decisions and take responsibility for his actions.	This trope is often used to show the protagonist's growth and development. It can also be used to explore themes of identity, belonging, and purpose.

Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number	Line
1	Mustafa: Habibi, Allah made you a strong and clever boy. Now you must use those gifts as a man. You are young, but not a child anymore. The family needs you. Can I depend on you?
2	Young Mo: Please, sir! Don’t take my Ninja Turtles! She didn’t know they were there!
3	Mo: Don’t talk about my girl’s hands!
4	Mo: You know nuns wear hijabs, right? They got OG hijabs.
7	Mo: I need to take care of my family today. They’re relying on me. I’m gonna do what I have to ‘till I can start my own business, buy some land... do things the right way.

Some Loglines to consider:

A Palestinian refugee hustles to support his family in Houston by selling counterfeit goods, but his dream of asylum and a legitimate business is threatened when ICE cracks down.
Caught between cultures and facing deportation, a witty Palestinian man must choose between his family's security and his own aspirations.
With his asylum hearing looming, a charismatic hustler juggles family expectations, cultural clashes, and the allure of quick money, all while trying to find his place in America.
A humorous yet poignant exploration of identity, family, and the American dream through the eyes of a Palestinian refugee navigating the complexities of life in Houston.
In the midst of the Gulf War, a Kuwaiti family risks everything to escape to America, only to face new challenges and hardships as they navigate the complexities of the immigrant experience in Houston.
A young Kuwaiti man, Mo, struggles to balance his family's traditional values with his own aspirations and the realities of life as an undocumented immigrant in the United States.
As a Kuwaiti family flees the Gulf War and settles in Houston, they must confront their past traumas and the unexpected difficulties of building a new life in a foreign land.
Forced to leave Kuwait during the Gulf War, a Kuwaiti family's quest for a better life in America is fraught with unexpected challenges that test their resilience and unity.
The Najjar family, refugees from the Gulf War, faces a new battle as they navigate the complexities of the immigrant experience in Houston, where they must reconcile their cultural identity with the realities of their adopted home.
An immigrant family's struggle and hustle to make it in America unfolds with humor and heart.
Caught between two cultures, Mo navigates life's challenges with wit and resilience.
An immigrant's pursuit of the American dream is tested through trials, laughter, and the bonds of family.
Mo's journey from Kuwait to Houston brings unexpected adventures and a quest for identity.
A family's comedic misadventures in America reveal deeper truths about belonging and resilience.

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GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 1.

FADE IN:

ON a hand taking stacks of money from under a mattress.

SUPER: GULF WAR. AHMADI, KUWAIT. 1991.

1.1 INT. MO’S HOUSE - MO’S BEDROOM - KUWAIT - 1991 - DAY 1.1 *

Reveal YUSRA NAJJAR, early 40s, focused and resolute,
grabbing as many BUNDLES OF CASH as she can carry. We FOLLOW
her as she hurries into --

1.2 INT. MO’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - KUWAIT - 1991 - DAY 1.2 *

A room that has been turned upside down - there are piles of
clothes and half-packed suitcases all over. Yusra dumps the
cash onto the couch, adding it to an already sizable pile.
She goes back for more, passing -- *

YOUNG MO NAJJAR, seven, dribbling a soccer ball like a *
basketball as if he were driving into the paint. *

NOTE: All dialogue in the Kuwait/Iraq scenes are in Arabic.

YOUNG MO *
(like an announcer)
Olajuwon leaps for the rim --

He jumps up, pretending to slam dunk.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
Yes! The crowd goes wild! AAAAAH!

Mo sees his older brother, YOUNG SAMEER NAJJAR, 11, *
obsessively pacing around the room in a zig-zag pattern, as
if one wrong step would bring disaster. Mo goes to pass him
the ball.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
(like an announcer)
The Dream looks to Kenny Smith!
(off Sameer’s nonreaction)
Sameer! The Jet!

Sameer cannot be distracted from his pacing. Mo shrugs.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
Tricked him! He keeps it and...

Mo THROWS the ball, hitting his sister, YOUNG NADIA NAJJAR, *
18, who’s folding and packing clothes. She turns, annoyed:
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 2.

YOUNG NADIA *
Mo! We’re all rushing and you’re
still playing stupid games!

YOUNG MO *
You’re stupid.

MUSTAFA (O.S.)
Hamoudi --

Mo’s FATHER, MUSTAFA NAJJAR, 50s, approaches from the dining
table where he’s set-up a workstation for his electronics.

MUSTAFA (CONT’D)
Habibi, your sister’s right. We
don’t have much time, you need to
focus.

YOUNG MO *
Baba, did you fix my Walkman yet?

MUSTAFA
(not now)
Go help your mother.

Mo runs off to Yusra as Mustafa resumes soldering some
Walkman components together.

A SERIES OF SHOTS:

MUSIC UP: “That’s Alright Mama” by Elvis Presley.

Yusra opens a PURSE, empties it onto the floor, and cuts the
lining with a razor. Mo hands her stacks as she begins
stashing cash into the makeshift compartment.

ON Yusra’s hands re-sewing the purse’s lining. She pulls the
last of the thread taut and Mo, scissors ready, cuts the
thread.

Yusra, at a sewing machine, finishes sewing a belt. She
secures it to Nadia’s waist and Mo fills it with money.

Mo finds a few STACKS of CASH in a box of Lion Bar chocolates *
and brings them to Yusra. Exhausted, she forces the forgotten *
stacks into a hidden lining of a suitcase. She doesn’t notice
as Mo grabs some nearby ACTION FIGURES and throws them in
with the clothes.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 3.

1.3 EXT. MO’S HOUSE - KUWAIT - 1991 - DAY 1.3

Mo, Yusra, Nadia, and Sameer stand outside with Mustafa and
their suitcases. Yusra’s wearing an oversized coat lined with
valuables; Mo in a too-small Pelé jersey.

An early 1980’s SCHOOL BUS approaches, stopping at their
house. The doors swing open and Yusra lifts her bags, guiding
Nadia and Sameer onto the bus.

But Mo hesitates... he can’t stop looking back at their home. *
Mustafa gently nudges him onward. Mo looks to his dad.

YOUNG MO *
Why can’t we go together?

MUSTAFA
The four of you will be together in
Houston, with Hakeem from the
basketball. I’ll be with you soon
inshallah.

Mustafa lovingly crouches down and caresses Mo’s face.

MUSTAFA (CONT’D) *
Habibi, Allah made you a strong and
clever boy. Now you must use those
gifts as a man. You are young, but
not a child anymore. The family
needs you. Can I depend on you?

ON Mo, his seven year old eyes absorbing the gravity of the
situation. He nods.

MUSTAFA (CONT’D)
Good. I thought so.

Mustafa smiles then hands Mo a now REPAIRED WALKMAN. Mo
smiles wide.

YOUNG MO *
Shokran, baba.

MUSTAFA
Yallah, habibi. Take care.

As Mo goes to board the bus, his smile disappears again as he *
can’t help but wonder if they’ll ever be together again.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 4.

1.4 INT. BUS - KUWAIT - 1991 1.4

Mo sits with his Mom, staring at the other FAMILIES piled in.
He’s got an empty bag of chips and a mound of orange peels on
his lap. He makes eye contact with a SAD YOUNG GIRL. He looks
away, then slips on his headphones and nuzzles into Yusra.

1.5 INT./EXT. BAGHDAD, IRAQ CHECKPOINT - 1991 - HOURS LATER 1.5 *

Mo’s woken up by a commotion outside the bus, now stopped. He
looks out the window --

Genres: Drama, Family, War
Tone: Tense, Sentimental, Hopeful, Nostalgic

Summary In 1991 Kuwait City, the Najjar family hastily prepares to flee the Iraqi invasion. Amidst the chaos, they hide their valuables and board a school bus to Houston. Mo, the youngest son, is entrusted with protecting the family's hidden wealth.

Strengths

Emotional depth
Character development
Authentic dialogue
Tension building

Weaknesses

Some cliched dialogue
Slight predictability in character actions

General Critique

The scene effectively sets the stage for the family's escape from Kuwait during the Gulf War, showcasing the urgency and tension of the situation.
The use of Arabic dialogue adds authenticity to the setting and characters, but make sure it is accurately translated for non-Arabic speaking readers.
The interactions between the family members, especially the dynamic between Mo and his siblings, add depth to their relationships and personalities.
The emotional moment between Mustafa and Mo, where Mustafa entrusts Mo with the responsibility of protecting the family, is a powerful and poignant moment.
The scene effectively conveys the sense of loss and uncertainty as the family is separated, with Mo's internal conflict about leaving his father behind being a strong emotional anchor.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider adding more visual cues or actions to enhance the tension and urgency of the situation, such as showing more of the chaos outside the house or the fear in the characters' expressions.
Ensure that the Arabic dialogue is accurately translated for non-Arabic speaking readers to fully understand the interactions and emotions of the characters.
Explore deeper into Mo's internal conflict about leaving his father behind, perhaps through inner thoughts or flashbacks to strengthen the emotional impact of the scene.
Consider adding a bit more background information about the family's situation and their reasons for fleeing Kuwait to provide more context for the audience.
Continue to develop the relationships between the family members, especially Mo and his siblings, to create a more nuanced and engaging dynamic.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the family's imminent departure, establishes the characters' relationships and emotions, and creates a sense of urgency and tension. The use of dialogue and actions conveys the family dynamics and the weight of the situation.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family fleeing their home during wartime is compelling and relatable. The scene effectively introduces the main characters, their motivations, and the challenges they face.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the family's preparations to leave Kuwait and the emotional moment between the father and son. It sets up the conflict and stakes for the rest of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Gulf War by focusing on a family's struggle to escape and survive, highlighting the personal sacrifices and challenges faced by individuals in war-torn regions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed through their actions and dialogue. Each family member's personality and role within the family are established, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Mo undergoes a subtle change from a playful child to a more serious and responsible young boy as he accepts his role in the family's journey. The father's reassurance and trust in Mo mark a significant moment of growth.

Internal Goal: 9

Yusra's internal goal is to protect her family and ensure their safety during the war. This reflects her deep desire to keep her loved ones safe and together.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to escape Kuwait and reach safety in Houston. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of surviving the war and finding a new home.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is internal, as the family grapples with leaving their home and uncertain future. The tension is palpable as they make difficult decisions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the family facing external challenges such as the war, the need to flee their home, and the uncertainty of their future. The audience is left unsure of how the family will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the family must leave their home in the midst of war, facing an uncertain future and separation. The emotional and physical risks add intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by establishing the family's departure, the challenges they face, and the emotional stakes involved. It sets the stage for the unfolding events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and emotional moments, such as Mo's realization of his responsibilities and the family's uncertain future. The audience is kept on edge wondering how the family will navigate their circumstances.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is evident in Mustafa's conversation with Mo, where he emphasizes the importance of responsibility and maturity in difficult times. This challenges Mo's beliefs about his role in the family and his own capabilities.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety and sadness to love and hope. The emotional depth of the characters and their situation resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue, mostly in Arabic, effectively conveys the family's emotions, relationships, and the urgency of the situation. The use of sports references adds a layer of authenticity and familiarity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the family's struggle and creates a sense of urgency and emotional connection. The dynamic between the characters and the high stakes of their situation keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, moving seamlessly between moments of action and reflection. The rhythm of the scene enhances the urgency of the family's situation and keeps the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and actions. The use of music cues and visual descriptions enhances the atmosphere and pacing of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs, setting up the family's journey and the challenges they will face. The formatting is consistent with the genre and effectively conveys the urgency of the situation.

IRAQI SOLDIERS yell at people they’ve kicked off other
vehicles, breaking open their luggage and stealing valuables.
A BURLY SOLDIER enters the bus and makes an announcement:

BURLY SOLDIER
Everyone, take your bags and get
off of the bus.

Mo tries not to look scared. Sameer and Nadia are having less
success - Sameer moans nervously and Nadia trembles, her
fingers feeling the money hidden in her belt. Yusra grips
them, trying to calm them down.

YUSRA
(to Nadia)
Go before you blow our cover.
(to Mo)
Watch Sameer.

Yusra hands them their bags and ushers them off. We stay with
her as she kneels down, out of sight, listening to the CHAOS
outside.

She grabs her suitcase and makes a mess of it, undoing all
her work. She grabs another bag and does the same thing.
Finally, she scatters orange peels and empty wrappers on top.

ON Mo, outside, stealing glances at what Yusra’s doing. He
has enough sense to know not to stare. The passengers around
him watch helplessly as their possessions are ransacked and
valuables stolen. Yusra signals him with a go-ahead, and as
the other passengers get herded back onto the bus, the Najjar
children join them.

The burly soldier accompanies the last of the passengers back
onto the bus. As Mo, Sameer, and Nadia sit back down with
Yusra, the soldier’s eyes land on her:

BURLY SOLDIER
I never saw you get off the bus.
You playing me for a fool?
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 5.

Mo sees other passengers look on anxiously as Yusra clutches
Sameer, quietly starting to recite Quranic Surat Ya-seen.

BURLY SOLDIER (CONT’D)
What are you deaf, bitch? Think you
can hide from me?

ON Mo, seeing his family in need. Suddenly, he starts fake
CRYING.

YOUNG MO *
Please, sir! Don’t take my Ninja
Turtles! She didn’t know they were
there!

The soldier looks at him, confused. Mo sells it hard, his
tears becoming sobs. He seems genuinely terrified.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
I just wanted to have my toys. It’s
not her fault. She didn’t know!

He holds a weathered TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES toy out to
the soldier.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
Take Michelangelo, everyone knows
he’s the best! Please --

SUPERIOR OFFICER (O.S.)
What is this filth?

The SUPERIOR OFFICER steps on the bus, his uniform crisp and
covered with honors. He eyes the Burly Soldier.

SUPERIOR OFFICER (CONT’D)
You think you’re a big man? Making
women and children cry?

Mo stifles his cries as the Officer gives his subordinate a
hard stare. The Officer eyes Yusra’s luggage -- the wrappers,
the orange peels, and Mo’s Ninja Turtles peeking out. *

SUPERIOR OFFICER (CONT’D)
These bags have clearly been
searched. You want to take the
boy’s candy and toys too?

He signals to a couple of his other MEN and has the Soldier
removed from the bus. The Officer takes one of the figures
from Yusra’s suitcase and hands it to Mo, patting him on the
face. He looks over to Yusra:
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 6.

SUPERIOR OFFICER (CONT’D) *
God be with you all. *

Once in the clear, Yusra turns to Mo, proud and impressed.
You can hear the relief in their hushed voices:

YUSRA
When did you learn to turn on tears
like that?

YOUNG MO *
When you wouldn’t buy me a Walkman.

He holds up his Walkman, smiling. Yusra shakes her head,
amused. The bus begins to pull away and Mo puts on his
headphones. Hits play.

PRELAP: “25 Lighters on My Dresser” by Fat Pat --

CUT TO:

MAIN TITLE

1.6 INT./EXT. - MO’S CAR - HEADED TOWARD ALIEF - DAY 1.6

“25 Lighters” continues over a MONTAGE:

MO NAJJAR, now in his mid-30s, cruises in his beat up ‘70 *
FORD TURINO COUPE, old-school windows rolled down due to the *
broken AC, the MICHELANGELO TOY he had in Kuwait on the
dashboard.

We take in the sights of Houston -- e.g., the “Be Someone”
bridge over I-10; the Houston Graffiti Building; the “Twin
Syringes” building...

Mo rolls into Alief and lights up a joint as he passes the
water tower; Crump Stadium; Pencil Middle School...

He throws on a “Houston Mobile Spot” shirt as he turns onto
Bellaire Blvd with its Mexican meat markets, 99 cent stores,
Black women's hair product stores...

Finally, he pulls into a strip mall parking lot and kills the
engine, the MUSIC CUTS OFF.

Psst, psst -- Mo sprays himself with a can of air freshener.

1.7 INT. HOUSTON MOBILE SPOT - DAY 1.7

Mo moves back and forth between desks, multi-tasking as he
puts a new screen on a TEXAS WOMAN’S phone. *
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 7.

TEXAS WOMAN
How are you doing it so fast?

MO
These new LCD screens are easy,
just a couple of screws and an
attachment. Now if you brought me a
Nokia 1202, that’s a whole
different situation, can’t find
those parts.

One of Mo’s inept coworkers, JOSÉ, late 20s, shouts:

JOSÉ
Yo, Mo! I need those iPhone cases.
(in Spanish)
Aye, asshole -- this gringa been
waiting.

Mo doesn’t look up as he puts the finishing touches on the
woman’s phone. Shouting to José:

Genres: Drama, War, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Anxious, Emotional, Suspenseful

Summary Amidst the chaos of an Iraqi checkpoint, soldiers plunder乘客物品并强行驱赶他们下车. Mo, Sameer, Nadia, 和 Yusra 努力保持镇静并隐藏贵重物品. Mo 假装哭泣以分散士兵注意力. 一位高级军官介入并帮助了这一家人.

Strengths

Intense tension
Emotional depth
Strong character development

Weaknesses

Some dialogue could be more nuanced

General Critique

The scene effectively creates tension and showcases the danger faced by the Najjar family during the Iraqi invasion.
The use of Mo pretending to cry to distract the soldiers is a clever tactic, but the execution could be more nuanced.
The dialogue and actions of the characters feel a bit forced and melodramatic at times, lacking subtlety in portraying the fear and desperation of the situation.
The interaction between Mo and the superior officer feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more development to make it more impactful.
The transition to Mo in his mid-30s in Houston feels abrupt and disjointed from the previous scene, lacking a smooth connection.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider refining Mo's fake crying tactic to make it more believable and emotionally resonant.
Work on the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' emotions in a subtler way.
Add more depth to the interaction between Mo and the superior officer to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
Find a smoother transition between the Kuwait City setting and Mo's current life in Houston to maintain continuity and coherence in the narrative.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates tension and emotional depth, engaging the audience with the family's plight and the high stakes involved.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival and escape in a war zone is well-executed, with the focus on clever strategies and the unexpected bravery of a child adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping and well-paced, with the tension escalating as the family faces challenges and the unexpected intervention of a superior officer changes the course of events.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of survival in a dangerous environment, with unique character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each displaying unique traits and reactions to the situation, adding complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Mo's character shows growth and courage as he steps up to protect his family, showcasing a significant change in his behavior.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his family and maintain their cover while facing the threat of the soldiers. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security for his loved ones.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to avoid detection by the soldiers and ensure the safety of his family. This reflects the immediate challenge of surviving in a dangerous environment.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and constant, with the family facing external threats and internal struggles, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the soldiers posing a significant threat to the protagonist and his family. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the family risks their lives to escape the war zone, facing danger and uncertainty at every turn.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the family's journey and the challenges they face, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Mo's fake crying to protect his family and the intervention of the superior officer.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the scene between the oppressive actions of the soldiers and the protagonist's values of protecting his family and standing up against injustice. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the face of adversity.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, ranging from fear and tension to relief and pride, creating a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, enhancing the tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, high stakes, and the audience's investment in the protagonist's struggle to protect his family.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the protagonist's actions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and contributes to the overall atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.

MO
Which iPhone cases? The SE, 11 Pro,
12 Pro Max, be specific, José!

JOSÉ
The iPhone 13s!

MO (IN SPANISH)
Relax, cabrón. They’re in the back
by the Selena Samsung cases -- rest
in peace.

JOSÉ (IN SPANISH)
Rest in peace.

José does the sign of the cross and walks off. Mo’s boss,
ABOOD RAHMAN, 50s, whistles, motioning for him. Mo hands the
phone back to his customer.

MO
José will ring you up.

Mo joins Abood in the back of the shop. *

MO (CONT’D)
What’s happening?

ABOOD RAHMAN (IN ARABIC) *
I have to talk to you...
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 8.

MO
Why are you speaking Arabic? It’s
never good when you speak Arabic in
front of the customers.

Abood hesitates. *

ABOOD RAHMAN (IN ARABIC) *
ICE raided our other location this
morning. We ate a big fine, one
more will shut us down. I have to
let you go.

MO
You’re firing me?

ABOOD RAHMAN *
What am I supposed to do? You don’t
have a work permit. I’m sorry.

MO
What about José? José can’t be
legal.

ABOOD RAHMAN *
No, José’s legal.

JOSÉ (O.S.)
I married in, bro!

ABOOD RAHMAN *
See?

JOSÉ (O.S.)
You should marry Maria, she’s fine
as hell! And she’s a mechanic too,
got those oily hands!

MO
Don’t talk about my girl’s hands!
(to Abood) *
How can you fire me over that guy?
God only knows what’s in his search
history.

ABOOD RAHMAN *
Mo, please --

MO
He’s from Matamoros! You know what
that translates to? Kill Muslims.
(MORE)
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 9.
MO (CONT’D)
(in Arabic)
Don’t do this. I know this store
better than anyone. Plus I’ll have
my asylum soon.

ABOOD RAHMAN
How soon?

MO
Soon. You know. Like, (trailer
voice) coming soon. That kinda
soon. I’m in the system, okay? I’m
not undocumented. My court date’s
coming up. Once they grant me
asylum, I’ll have a work permit.

ABOOD RAHMAN *
And if they don’t, they’ll deport
you. It’s not so simple. You’ve
been waiting, what, 20 years?

MO
Twenty-two.

ABOOD RAHMAN *
Twenty-two years of courts dates.
What makes you think this next one
will be different?

MO
I’m just playing the odds. How many
times can they push a hearing?

Abood remains unconvinced. *
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 10.

ABOOD RAHMAN *
Listen, inshallah it all works out
and I take you back. Until then...

He holds out an envelope.

ABOOD RAHMAN (IN ARABIC) (CONT’D)
I wish I could do more...

Mo takes it, counts the cash. Looks up, annoyed.

MO
This is the money you owe me. You
made it sound like you were giving
me a lil extra, which would be nice
considering how much I’ve done for
you. Good luck running this place
with (shouting) JOSE! But
whatever, man. It’s not the first
time ICE has run me out of a job.
Salaams to the family.

Mo walks away, goes to dap José goodbye.

JOSÉ
Gonna miss you, hermano.

MO
You too brother.

As Mo makes his way out the door, José attempts to curse him
in Arabic along with the appropriate hand gesture.

JOSÉ
(gesturing)
Hey Mo -- Biteezee!

MO
(correcting)
It’s Bi-teezak! Like this.

1.8 INT. MARIA’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT 1.8 *

Mo checks his phone in bed while his girlfriend, MARIA (late
20s-30s, Mexican), comes out of the bathroom after having
just finished washing for the night.

MARIA
I’m telling you, if I see Ramón’s
ass crack one more time...
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 11.

MO
Baby, I don’t wanna hear you talk
about other men’s asses.

MARIA
I don’t wanna see their asses! I’ve
tried belts, lululemons -- the
guy’s crack is relentless.

MO
Put him on oil changes, stick him
under the car.

Maria: That’s not a bad idea... She picks Mo’s Houston Mobile *
Spot shirt up and folds it, before joining him in bed.

MARIA
You gonna retire that thing? Hang
it on your wall like a jersey? *

MO
I’m gonna keep it so my mom thinks *
I still work there. *

Maria laughs -- then sees he’s not kidding.

MARIA (IN SPANISH)
Seriously? Just tell her!

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Serious, Humorous, Conversational

Summary Mo is fired from his job at a phone store because his boss, Abood, is worried about an ICE raid. Mo argues with Abood, but Abood gives him an envelope with the money he owes him and tells him to leave. Mo leaves the store and says goodbye to his coworker, José.

Strengths

Well-developed characters
Engaging dialogue
Balanced tone

Weaknesses

Some dialogue may be overly expository

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, as it transitions abruptly from Mo being fired to a conversation with his girlfriend Maria.
The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth, with Mo's interactions with Abood and José feeling forced and lacking emotional impact.
The scene fails to effectively convey the emotional weight of Mo losing his job and the uncertainty of his asylum status, which are crucial elements of his character's arc.
The transition to Mo's conversation with Maria feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous events, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
There is a lack of visual storytelling and character development in the scene, with minimal description of the setting and character actions.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider restructuring the scene to focus more on Mo's emotional turmoil after being fired and his internal struggle with his asylum status.
Develop the dialogue between Mo, Abood, and José to add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.
Integrate visual elements and character actions to enhance the storytelling and provide a more immersive experience for the audience.
Ensure a smoother transition between the different beats of the scene to maintain coherence and flow.
Explore ways to connect Mo's personal struggles with his family's situation and the larger themes of the screenplay for a more cohesive narrative.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances serious and light-hearted moments, providing depth to the characters and advancing the plot.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of job loss due to immigration status and the uncertainty faced by immigrants is well portrayed, adding layers to the characters' motivations and struggles.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Mo faces a setback in his job and grapples with the uncertainty of his immigration status, setting up potential conflicts and challenges for the future.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by undocumented workers in a retail setting, with authentic dialogue and cultural references that add depth to the characters.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions and dialogue reveal depth and complexity, making them engaging and relatable.

Character Changes: 6

Mo experiences a setback in his job, leading to potential changes in his circumstances and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal is to secure his job and financial stability despite his undocumented status and impending asylum hearing. He wants to prove his worth to his boss and maintain his livelihood.

External Goal: 7

Mo's external goal is to convince Abood Rahman to keep him employed despite his lack of work permit and impending asylum hearing.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from Mo's job loss and immigration struggles.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Abood Rahman's decision to fire Mo creating a significant obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, with Mo facing job loss and uncertainty about his immigration status.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and conflicts for the characters, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its outcome, but the emotional depth and character dynamics add layers of complexity that keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethical dilemma of firing an employee based on legal status and the moral implications of loyalty and trust in the workplace.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from amusement to concern, creating a nuanced emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, blending humor with serious conversations. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its realistic dialogue, cultural references, and high-stakes conflict that keeps the audience invested in Mo's plight.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotional stakes that keep the audience invested in Mo's story.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and conflict resolution, fitting the expected format for a dramatic dialogue-driven scene.

MO *
Why worry her? I’ll figure out my *
next move and then I’ll tell her. *

Maria stares incredulously. Mo lights a joint.

MO (CONT’D)
Don’t give me that look. You don’t
know my mom. *

MARIA
Because you never let me see her.

MO
You saw her just the other day! *
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 12.

MARIA
We said hello and goodbye, like *
always. Two years now and we’ve *
never had dinner together. *

MO
You want my mom to grill you again?

MARIA
Think I can’t handle her religious
shit?
(as Yusra)
“Maria, why do you Catholics
worship three gods?”

MO
She has a point about the Trinity. *

MARIA
Here we go again. You want to put
me in a hijab.

MO
No! Hijab is not the top priority.
We can build to that later. Start
with the basic Muslim package.

Maria grabs the joint from Mo, takes a toke.

MARIA
You calling me basic?

MO
(playful)
Ain’t nothing basic about you,
girl... *

MARIA
You don’t even go to your mosque. *
Why don’t you come with me to *
church for once? You could use a *
confession... *

Mo takes a drag, blows out a cloud of smoke.

MO
You know nuns wear hijabs, right?
They got OG hijabs.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 13.

1.9 INT. NAJJAR CONDO - ENTRANCE/LIVING ROOM - DAY 1.9

Mo, wearing his Houston Mobile Spot shirt, enters the
family’s small condo. Though it’s not dirty, it’s CLUTTERED,
the space filled with mismatched furniture and random items,
with knickknacks and odd collectibles cramming the shelves.

Plus, it’s LOUD. Yusra shouts in Arabic as she FaceTimes with
her sisters, trying to talk over “The Price is Right”, which
is blasting on the TV.

On his way inside, Mo bumps into an end-table, knocking over
one of three mismatched lamps. YUSRA, now in her 60s, looks
up from her FaceTime --

YUSRA (IN ARABIC)
Watch where you’re going, Hamoudi!

MO
Mama, why do we have three lamps on
one table? You don’t even plug them *
in.

YUSRA
They’re antiques!

Mo picks up the lamp he knocked over, noticing:

MO
This was $11.99 from Target, you
left the price tag on.

YUSRA
Yes, so people will know what a
bargain I got. Come, say hello to
your aunties.

Mo takes the phone to say hello. His Aunt LAMEECE holds her *
phone low for a chin-up view, while his Aunt HALIMA holds *
hers inches from her face. Both unflattering angles.

MO
Hi, Khalto Halima. Hi, Khalto
Lameece.

LAMEECE (FACETIME)
Hamoudi! Look at you!

HALIMA (FACETIME)
Are you okay, habibi? You seem
bigger.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 14.

MO *
I’m fine, you just need to hold *
your phone a little further away -- *

HALIMA (FACETIME)
You need to take care of yourself
if you want to meet a good girl.

LAMEECE (FACETIME)
You need me to set you up, Hamoudi?
I can set you up right now --
(to off screen)
Ayisha! Come, meet my nephew! *

MO
Nope, all good, Ayisha! That’s nice *
of you Auntie, but I’m okay.

YUSRA
He’s talking to a Mexican girl. And
on top of that she’s Catholic.

LAMEECE/HALIMA
Habibi!

Mo ignores their protests.

HALIMA (FACETIME)
Hamoudi, Hadi wants a Samsung
Galaxy. How much can you get them
at work, we’ll pay you.

MO
Tell Hadi I’ll take care of it, the
phone’s on me.

HALIMA (FACETIME)
Are you sure?

MO
Of course, they love me there!

HALIMA (FACETIME)
Oh habibi, thank you!

Mo hands the phone back to Yusra and heads for his room, his
face dropping: Why did I just say that?

1.10 INT. NAJJAR CONDO - MO’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 1.10
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 15.

Mo enters and shuts the door. He takes a calming breath and *
closes his eyes. But the peace and quiet is short lived as he
hears his door CREAK open, followed by a PURRING.

He turns to find his older brother, SAMEER, now 39, in the
doorway, carrying a cat, in his Chick’n Cone uniform. Sameer
stares at him.

MO SAMEER
Why are you looking at me
like that? I’m working on my eye
contact.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Playful, Sarcastic, Reflective

Summary Mo and Maria's conversation about his mother intensifies. Maria insists on meeting her, while Mo worries about her reaction. Maria smokes a joint, suggesting they go to church. Mo counters that nuns wear hijabs, leaving the conflict unresolved.

Strengths

Witty dialogue
Character development
Cultural authenticity

Weaknesses

Limited plot progression
Low stakes

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose in advancing the overall plot of the screenplay. It feels disconnected from the main storyline of the family fleeing Kuwait during the Gulf War.
The dialogue between Mo and Maria feels forced and lacks depth. The conversation about Mo's mother and religion comes off as superficial and does not add much to the character development or plot.
The scene relies heavily on stereotypes and cliches about religion and cultural differences, which can come off as insensitive or unoriginal.
The transition from Mo's conversation with Maria to the family dynamic in the Najjar condo feels abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
There is a lack of emotional depth or tension in the scene, which is crucial for maintaining the audience's interest and investment in the characters.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider revising the scene to focus on a more significant conflict or character development that ties back to the main storyline of the screenplay.
Develop the dialogue between Mo and Maria to be more authentic and meaningful, exploring their relationship dynamics and personal struggles in a more nuanced way.
Avoid relying on stereotypes and cliches, instead, strive to portray the characters' beliefs and backgrounds with depth and authenticity.
Work on creating a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the flow of the screenplay and keep the audience engaged.
Infuse the scene with more emotional depth and tension to captivate the audience and enhance the impact of the characters' interactions.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and depth, offering a glimpse into the characters' personalities and setting up potential conflicts.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family banter and cultural clash is well-executed, adding layers to the characters and setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 7

While the plot doesn't advance significantly in this scene, it establishes the family dynamics and hints at potential conflicts to come.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique cultural and religious conflicts within a family dynamic, offering fresh perspectives on identity and tradition.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal is to navigate his family's expectations and cultural differences while maintaining his own identity.

External Goal: 7.5

Mo's external goal is to avoid confrontation with his family and find a way to assert his independence.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict is minimal in this scene, primarily revolving around cultural differences and family dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mo facing conflicting expectations from his family and his own desires.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and cultural clashes.

Story Forward: 6

The scene provides insight into the characters and their relationships, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is somewhat predictable in its family conflict dynamics, but the cultural elements add a layer of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between Mo's desire to maintain his individuality and his family's expectations of conformity.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of humor and nostalgia, creating an emotional connection with the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' backgrounds and beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue, cultural conflicts, and relatable family dynamics.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of dialogue and action, effectively portraying the family dynamics and conflicts.

Mo nods, indulging his brother.

SAMEER (CONT’D)
I need you to get some Meow Munch
Premium for Crystal. It’s the only
brand she eats now.

MO
There’s no way a cat’s pallet is
that refined.

SAMEER
Oh no, cat pallets are very
refined. They’ve done studies.

MO
What about the package of Perfect
Portions I just got you?

SAMEER
I also need you to return that.

Sameer steps in, hands Mo a handwritten list, it has one item
on it: Meow Much Premium. Mo tries to hand it back to him.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 16.

MO *
Habibi, I have a lot on my plate --

SAMEER
It’s gotta be within the next two
hours. Crystal’s on a very strict
feeding regimen.

MO
Sameer, I’m not Amazon prime. I’m
not promising to deliver in two
hours. I’ll get it when I can,
okay?

SAMEER
If you don’t get it, I’m gonna tell
mom about your tattoo.

MO
Seriously? You’re pulling this shit
again? Come on...

Beat. Sameer yells through the door:

SAMEER MO (CONT’D)
Mama, Hamoudi mutilated his
body with a tattoo! Fine, fine! I’ll get the
stupid cat food!

Sameer, satisfied, puts his hand on Mo’s shoulder.

SAMEER (CONT’D)
Four hours. I don’t want my little
brother stressed, it’s bad for the
immune system.

1.11 INT. KAAN YA MAKAAN HOOKAH LOUNGE & CAFE - DAY 1.11

Mo walks into the café, heading toward the back. Hookah smoke
fills the lounge as people chat and share plates.

At a table in the back, two men -- ABA WEINBERG (60s, Jewish) *
and NAZEER (60s, Arab) -- play BACKGAMMON, rolling dice and
sliding checkers as they bicker.

ABA WEINBERG NAZEER
You can huff and puff until
you’re blue, but in 1947, the -- Ah, yes, 1947, the year
United Nations -- history began! --

ABA WEINBERG (CONT’D)
-- presented a plan offering both
sides their own country --
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 17.

NAZEER
Devised by the same European
colonialists who seized the land in
the first place. Pass the tahini?

Aba hands Nazeer the tahini. Mo sidles up to the table and
joins them.

MO
Hey, Arafat, Rabin, you guys done
with your podcast?

ABA WEINBERG
Let’s table the peace talks.

MO
I’ve had enough drama, I just got
fired.

NAZEER
You lost your job? What’d you do?

MO
What do you mean, what did I do?
Nothing. ICE raided Rahman’s other
store and he got scared, let me go.

NAZEER
(re: Abood)
No balls, that guy.

A WAITER, HAMEED, mid 20s, sets down more trays of hummus and
all the fixings. Hameed speaks broken English and thinks
“shit fool” -- which he pronounces “shee foo”-- means “yes.”

HAMEED
Hummus. Lemon juice. Chick pea on
side. Sexy.

ABA WEINBERG
Learn English, kid. Hummus ain’t
sexy.

MO
He means it tastes good.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 18.

HAMEED
Shee foo. Shee.

Hameed walks off. Mo takes out a small bottle of OLIVE OIL
and MIXES the hummus with the side ingredients, customizing
it to his liking. Nazeer comments as he mixes:

NAZEER
Look at this guy, so particular
with his hummus. Baladi asly.

MO
Taban. I got high standards, amoo.

ABA WEINBERG
You know they make this snack-cup
hummus now? It’s actually not bad.

MO
That’s a war crime.

NAZEER
So what are you gonna do for work?

Mo takes a beat, swallows.

MO
I wanna start selling again.
Bootlegs, counterfeits, whatever.

NAZEER
Why go back to selling that crap?

MO
Because I’m good at it. Can you
hook me up?

Nazeer doesn’t like the idea.

NAZEER
You need a job? Work for Aba in his
suit shop.

ABA WEINBERG
I’d love to have him, the kid’s a
natural salesman. But what am I, a
charity?

MO
(to Nazeer)
It’s just a side-hustle. I’m still
gonna get another job.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 19.

NAZEER MO (CONT’D)
Your father, God rest his
soul -- God rest his soul.

NAZEER (CONT’D)
Wouldn’t want to see you or Sameer
or Nadia get in trouble.

MO
But he’d want me to support the
family. I don’t want to be selling
this shit either, but what am I
supposed to do?

Nazeer’s still unconvinced.

MO (CONT’D)
If I have to go around Harwin
asking for a connect, I will. But
yallah, you know everyone in the
wholesale district. Save me the
time, hook me up.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Humorous, Serious, Reflective

Summary Mo reluctantly agrees to buy specific cat food for his brother's cat, as Sameer threatens to tell their mother about Mo's tattoo if he doesn't get it within four hours. Mo seeks help from Nazeer and Aba Weinberg in a hookah lounge to discuss his job loss and plans to start selling bootleg goods again. Nazeer is hesitant but agrees after Mo convinces him it's just a side hustle to support his family. However, Nazeer warns Mo that his father would not want him to get into trouble.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Well-defined characters
Balanced tone

Weaknesses

Some repetitive dialogue
Limited physical action

General Critique

The scene starts with a light-hearted interaction between Mo and Sameer about getting cat food, but quickly escalates into a threat from Sameer about revealing Mo's tattoo to their mother. This sudden shift in tone feels a bit jarring and could be smoothed out for better flow.
The dialogue between Mo, Aba Weinberg, and Nazeer at the hookah lounge is engaging and provides insight into Mo's current situation. However, the transition from the cat food conversation to the hookah lounge scene could be more seamless to maintain the audience's engagement.
The introduction of the character Nazeer and his reluctance to help Mo get back into selling counterfeit goods adds an interesting dynamic to the scene. However, the conflict between Mo's desire to support his family and Nazeer's warning about getting into trouble could be further explored to create more tension and depth.
The scene touches on themes of family responsibility, job loss, and the temptation to return to illegal activities for financial gain. These themes could be more effectively woven together to create a cohesive narrative that drives the story forward.
The scene lacks visual elements and actions that could enhance the storytelling and provide a more immersive experience for the audience. Adding more visual cues and physical movements could help bring the scene to life and make it more dynamic.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Consider refining the transition between the cat food conversation and the hookah lounge scene to maintain a consistent tone and flow.
Explore the conflict between Mo and Nazeer further to add depth and tension to the scene.
Integrate more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Ensure that the themes of family responsibility, job loss, and temptation are effectively integrated into the scene to drive the narrative forward.
Work on balancing the light-hearted moments with the more serious themes to create a cohesive and engaging scene.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor and seriousness, providing insight into the characters' personalities and struggles. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of the characters.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family dynamics, financial struggles, and personal ambitions is well-developed in the scene. It explores the tension between familial responsibilities and individual desires.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Mo discusses his job loss and plans to start selling again. The conflict between his family's expectations and his own ambitions is highlighted.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on family dynamics, cultural diversity, and ethical dilemmas. The characters' interactions feel authentic and relatable, offering a unique take on societal issues.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. Mo's desire to support his family while pursuing his own goals adds depth to his character.

Character Changes: 6

Mo's decision to start selling again shows a shift in his character's trajectory. The scene sets up potential changes in his relationships and goals.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to support his family and navigate the challenges of losing his job. He is conflicted about returning to his previous illegal activities but feels pressured to provide for his family.

External Goal: 7

Mo's external goal is to find a new source of income after losing his job. He considers returning to selling bootlegs and counterfeits as a way to support his family.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Mo's family expectations and his desire to start selling again creates tension in the scene. The discussion about his job loss adds to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and goals among the characters. Mo faces resistance from Nazeer and Aba in his decision to return to illegal activities, adding complexity to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, with Mo facing the challenge of balancing his family responsibilities and personal ambitions. The potential consequences of his decisions add tension.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing Mo's plans to start selling again and the conflicts he faces. It sets up future developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' conversations and decisions. The audience is kept on their toes as the characters navigate their challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on work, ethics, and family responsibility. Mo struggles with the idea of returning to illegal activities to support his family, while Nazeer and Aba have contrasting opinions on the matter.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from humor to reflection. The characters' struggles and ambitions evoke empathy from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, blending humor with serious discussions. It reveals the characters' relationships and inner conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, cultural references, and character interactions. The conflicts and dilemmas faced by the characters draw the audience in and create tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing dialogue, action, and character development effectively. The rhythm of the scene enhances the tension and emotional depth of the interactions.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and structured, following the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay. The descriptions and character actions are clear and concise.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of dialogue and action, capturing the characters' interactions and conflicts effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.

NAZEER
(capitulating)
All right, all right. I’ll make a
call. You happy now?

MO
Thank you, amoo. I appreciate it.
(needling Aba)
‘67 borders and right of return.

ABA WEINBERG
Right of return?? We’ll never reach
a deal with your fakakta terms.

NAZEER
The nakba started the whole thing!

1.12 EXT. STRIP MALL PARKING LOT - ALIEF, TX - LATE AFTERNOON 1.12

Mo leans against his trunk, scoping out possible customers as
people walk by. He spots a 20-something LATINO KID in a
hoodie approaching.

MO
Wassup my man, I --

The kid walks by, gives Mo the finger from behind. Mo shakes
it off, spots a 30-something WHITE GUY wearing New Balances.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 20.

MO (CONT’D)
Nice kicks, bro. Check out these --

As soon as Mo opens his mouth, the guy nervously power
walks/runs away.

Finally Mo spots JIM (early 50s, southern) walking toward
him, rubbing his lower back in pain. Mo zeros in on him.

MO (CONT’D)
What are you, a size 12?

JIM
(impressed)
Yes sir.

MO
Corral boots?

JIM
Sonofabitch, you’re right again. My
old trusties.

MO
They’re old, all right. Probably
not good for your back either.

JIM
Yeah, I got real bad lower back
pain.

MO
Same here. But once I switched over
to these Yeezys, my lower back pain *
disappeared. Thank you, Yeezus,
that’s what I say.
(hands one to him)
See? Designer, yet orthopedic.

JIM
Yeah, I dunno. These don’t look
like the kinda thing I’d wear.

MO
That’s cuz you haven’t tried them
on yet.

Mo reaches into his trunk like a magician and plops down a
stool for Jim.

MO (CONT’D)
C’mon have a seat, what’s it gonna
take, 30 seconds?
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 21.

Jim reluctantly takes a seat. Mo fits the Yeezys on him.

MO (CONT’D)
(a slight southern accent)
Listen, Corrals are great, but you
can’t walk a country mile in ‘em.
Back pain’s nothing to play with.
Mess up your lower lumber and you
won’t be able to pickup your
grandkids.
(finishes lacing)
Go on, give ‘em a try.

Jim takes a few steps and is pleasantly surprised: *

JIM
Wow. These are golden.

MO
And they’re made of high quality
materials too. You can hang your
hat on that. Look, let’s not burn
daylight here. Genuine aftermarket
Yeezys go anywhere from $350 to
over a $1,000 a pop. I’m offering
you these for $200 -- that’s below
retail.

Jim thinks about it. He likes the sneakers, but --

JIM
I don’t think spending that kinda
money on sneakers is gonna fly with
the wife.

MO
I smell what you’re stepping in. So
I’m gonna sweeten the pot.

Mo reaches into his trunk, takes out a hand bag.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 22.

MO (CONT’D)
For $300 -- I know, hear me out --
I’ll throw in this Chanel purse
that’s just like the real thing
that sells for a $1,000. She’ll
never know the difference.

Mo stares at Jim. Jim stares back. A beat.

CUT TO:

1.13 EXT. STRIP MALL PARKING LOT - ALIEF, TX - MOMENTS LATER 1.13 *

Mo watches as good ol’ Jim walks away in a new pair of
Yeezys, with Corral boots in one hand and a Chanel purse in
the other.

1.14 INT. THE BREAKFAST KLUB - NIGHT 1.14

Mo, Maria, and Mo’s oldest friend, NICK (30s, Black), chow
down on breakfast food at this local Houston staple.

Maria stares at the Chanel bag on her lap, marveling. She’s
inspecting the bag, trying to find a flaw.

MARIA
(in awe)
This isn’t real?

NICK
You don’t wanna be selling this
fake shit, man.

MO
It’s not “fake”. It’s a high
quality replica.

NICK
That’s the problem -- it’s too
real. Remember Fat Phillip from
Hastings? He got busted selling
those mock Louis V’s -- they hit
him with a fuckin’ felony.

MO
It’s not an actual crime! I’m
stealing from Kanye - he doesn’t
give a fuck. He’s busy making
moccasins for NASA or some shit.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 22A.

MARIA
I don’t care about Kanye, I care
about you. You can get in trouble.

MO
Oh you care about him... you voted
for him.

NICK
(incredulous)
You voted for Kanye?

MARIA
(defensive)
He’s a free-thinker! He was the
only one that wasn’t bought out by
wall street. A self-made man.

NICK
Wow. You’re the blackest person I
know. You vaccinated?

MARIA
(ignoring)
Listen, I used to dream about
voting before I became a citizen.
Then when I did... I realized all
the options suck. So yeah -- Kanye.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 23.

Genres: Drama, Comedy
Tone: Humorous, Conversational, Persuasive

Summary In a strip mall parking lot, hustler Mo charms buyers with convincing fake designer goods. Despite Nick's warnings about legal risks, Mo remains unfazed. Nazeer handles a dispute over the phone, while Maria admires a fake Chanel purse. Mo sells Yeezys and a purse to Jim, and the group ends the day sharing breakfast at a local Houston diner.

Strengths

Engaging dialogue
Well-developed characters
Blend of drama and comedy

Weaknesses

Potential ethical implications of selling counterfeit goods may not resonate with all audiences

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose. It seems to meander without a strong central conflict or resolution.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially the interactions between Mo and potential customers. It could benefit from more authentic and engaging conversations.
The transition between Mo selling the Yeezys to Jim and then offering the Chanel purse feels abrupt and disjointed. It could be smoother and more seamless.
The character dynamics between Mo, Maria, and Nick are interesting but could be further developed to create more depth and tension in the scene.
The scene could benefit from more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Clarify the central conflict and goal of the scene to give it a stronger narrative drive.
Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on character motivations and dynamics.
Smooth out the transitions between different interactions and plot points to create a more cohesive flow.
Further develop the relationships between Mo, Maria, and Nick to add depth and complexity to the scene.
Consider adding more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and keep the audience visually engaged.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, entertaining, and effectively showcases Mo's entrepreneurial spirit and the dynamics between the characters.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of selling counterfeit goods and the ethical dilemma it presents is intriguing and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Mo's sales pitch and the potential consequences of his actions, keeping the audience interested in the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of entrepreneurship and the challenges of selling counterfeit goods. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own unique traits and motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it does reveal more about Mo's entrepreneurial mindset and his relationships with other characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal in this scene is to make a successful sale and provide for himself and his family. This reflects his deeper need for financial stability and success in his entrepreneurial endeavors.

External Goal: 7

Mo's external goal in this scene is to sell the Yeezys and Chanel purse to Jim. This reflects the immediate challenge of convincing a potential customer to make a purchase.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present, mainly centered around the ethical dilemma of selling counterfeit goods.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jim's reluctance to make a purchase and Maria's concerns about the legality of selling counterfeit goods. These obstacles create tension and conflict, driving the scene forward.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, with the potential consequences of selling counterfeit goods looming in the background.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Mo's entrepreneurial endeavors and setting up potential conflicts for future development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Mo's sales pitch and the characters' reactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of selling counterfeit goods and the moral implications of deceiving customers. This challenges Mo's values and beliefs about the nature of his business.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene leans more towards humor and light-heartedness rather than deep emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic characters, witty dialogue, and high stakes. The interactions between Mo, Jim, and Maria keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character development. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.

MO
And once I’m a citizen, I won’t
sell this shit. But right now this
is the only work I can get.

NICK
Stop acting goofy, man. My boy’s *
got room at Frenchy’s Chicken ‘til *
your case comes through. *

MO
I make way more money with this and *
I can’t get fired. *

Nick swallows a bite, then:

NICK
What good is that money if you get *
locked up? *
(beat) *
Maria, you know how me and this guy *
became brothers? His dad died the *
same year my pops went to jail. *

Nick lifts his left arm sleeve up to reveal a tattoo that
says “CHETACHI”.

NICK (CONT’D)
We got tats with our dads’ names.

MARIA
I didn’t know you had one like
Mo...

NICK
I guess he forgot to tell you.
He prolly also forgot that he used
to drive with me to visit my pops.
(leaning in to Mo)
He definitely forgot what the
inside of that jail was like.

MO
Chill man! I’m not goin’ to jail.

NICK
Yeah, they might send you back to
Palestine first.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 24.

MO
Back? I’ve never been. I’m not a
citizen there, or here -- nowhere.
I don’t even have a passport. All I
got is my asylum claim and a bunch
of Gucci bags.

MARIA
(switching gears)
A bunch? You got any leather-minis?

MO
I need to take care of my family
today. They’re relying on me. I’m
gonna do what I have to ‘till I can
start my own business, buy some
land... do things the right way.

NICK
All I’m saying is you’re doing the
one thing that could kill your
whole case.
(beat)
And I’m not tryna get a Mo tattoo.

MARIA
He’s right Mo... and you’d do
terrible in jail.

MO
What are you talking about? I’d be
amazing. I’d form alliances
instantly.

MARIA
Aw, baby... no. You’re too
sensitive.

NICK
(nodding)
You’re a big dude but... you’re
actually a small dude, you feel?

Maria lifts Mo’s sleeve, looking at his MUSTAFA tattoo. ON *
Mo’s face, insulted and concerned...
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 25.

1.15 INT. SUPERMARKET - EVENING 1.15

CLOSE ON hands grabbing a large bag of MEOW MUNCH CAT FOOD
off a shelf. The brand’s logo is a cartoon cat smiling wide.

REVEAL Mo, carrying the bag on his shoulder. He passes a
white SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE at a SAMPLE TABLE.

SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE
Hi, sir. Care to try some chocolate
hummus?

Mo stops dead in his tracks. Eyes the “hummus” and pita bread
samples.

MO
What did you just say to me?
Chocolate hummus?

Mo pulls out his small bottle of olive oil and pours some out
to dip the pita in. Explaining matter-of-factly as he eats:

MO (CONT’D)
See, this is the problem. First the
West goes to war with Arabs, then
it steals from them.

SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE
Sir, what are you doing? --

MO
It’s not enough to bomb us, you
gotta debase our culture too?

SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE
Sir, the pita is for the hummus --

MO
This isn’t hummus, okay? Hummus
doesn’t come in candy flavors.
(MORE)
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 26.
MO (CONT’D)
This is dip in brown face, that’s
what this is.
(looks down at his collar)
Is that an oil stain?

Mo’s inspecting the stain when suddenly -- POP POP POP --

BLOOD SPLATTERS on his shirt. WTF?? The employee SCREAMS in
horror.

Mo looks at the bag of Meow Munch. The cartoon cat’s covered
in blood as food pellets pour from a hole in its eye.

The screen goes BLACK.

END OF EPISODE

Genres: Drama, Crime, Thriller
Tone: Tense, Serious, Dark, Intense

Summary Mo's determination to sell counterfeit goods clashes with Nick's warnings about the legal risks, while Maria shares Nick's concerns. Despite reminders of their shared past and the potential consequences for his asylum case, Mo remains adamant. Meanwhile, a seemingly innocuous encounter with a supermarket employee over chocolate hummus escalates into a violent outburst due to a burst-open cat food can splattering blood. The scene ends abruptly, leaving Mo's fate uncertain.

Strengths

Complex characters
Tense atmosphere
Realistic dialogue

Weaknesses

Potential for cliched dialogue in some interactions

General Critique

The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, jumping between different topics and conflicts without a cohesive thread.
The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially the conversation about chocolate hummus and cultural appropriation.
The transition from a serious discussion about Mo's legal risks to a comedic interaction in the supermarket feels abrupt and disjointed.
The emotional depth of the scene is overshadowed by the scattered nature of the dialogue and actions.
The scene could benefit from more subtlety and nuance in exploring Mo's internal struggles and external conflicts.

Expert Critiques

Critique by Unknown Expert

General Suggestions

Streamline the dialogue to focus on one central conflict or theme, such as Mo's internal dilemma about his illegal activities and their consequences.
Integrate the supermarket interaction more smoothly into the overall narrative, ensuring it adds depth to Mo's character rather than feeling like a random event.
Enhance the emotional resonance of the scene by delving deeper into Mo's motivations and fears, allowing the audience to connect with his struggles on a deeper level.
Consider revising the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and backgrounds.
Work on creating a more cohesive and impactful ending that leaves a lasting impression on the audience and ties back to the overarching themes of the screenplay.

Expert Suggestions

Suggestion by Unknown Expert

Ratings

Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and internal struggle faced by Mo, setting up a compelling conflict for future developments.

Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young man resorting to illegal activities to support his family in a challenging environment is engaging and offers a unique perspective on survival.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Mo makes decisions that could have significant consequences for his future, adding depth to his character and setting up potential conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on cultural identity, family dynamics, and societal challenges. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, contributing to the scene's originality.

Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Mo and Nick, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and conflicting motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Mo experiences internal conflict and is forced to confront the potential consequences of his actions, leading to a subtle but significant change in his mindset.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal is to provide for his family and eventually start his own business. This reflects his deeper desire for stability, success, and independence.

External Goal: 7

Mo's external goal is to make money through his current job to support his family and future business endeavors. This reflects the immediate challenge of financial security and legal status.

Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Mo's desire to support his family and the risks of his illegal activities creates a palpable tension that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs, values, and goals. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' fates, adding suspense and drama to the story.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Mo's situation, including the risk of legal trouble and the need to support his family, create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and dilemmas for the characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations, unexpected plot twists, and emotional revelations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters' decisions will impact the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing perspectives on risk-taking, loyalty, and cultural identity. Mo's willingness to take risks clashes with Nick and Maria's concerns about his safety and legal status.

Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and concern for Mo's well-being, as well as empathy for his difficult circumstances.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and realistic, effectively conveying the tension and dynamics between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, emotional depth, and thematic complexity. The tension and conflict between the characters keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character dynamics, and advancing the plot. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.

Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and action descriptions. The dialogue is properly formatted, enhancing readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure with clear character motivations and conflicts. The dialogue and action sequences flow smoothly, engaging the audience and advancing the narrative.

Mo

Executive Summary

Pass/Consider/Recommend/Highly Recommend

Engine: Gemini

Consider

Engine: GPT4

Consider

Promo

Overview

Market Analysis

Scene Level Percentiles

Script Level Percentiles

Emotions Elicited Percentiles

Writer's Voice

Story Shape

Emotions Elicited

Engine: Gemini

Consider

Executive Summary

Engine: Claude

Consider

Executive Summary

Engine: GPT4

Consider

Executive Summary

Screenplay Insights:

Screenplay Story Analysis

Mo - Score: 79/100

Role

Personality

Scenes

Character Analysis Overview

Foundational Definition 8/10

Complexity And Depth 7/10

Arc Or Purposeful Stasis 7/10

Dialogue And Voice 8/10

Behavior And Choices 8/10

Relationship Dynamics 9/10

Scene Impact 7/10

Role Fulfillment 8/10

Thematic Plot Integration 9/10

Emotional Resonance 8/10

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 7

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 9

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Score: 8

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

MBTI: enfp

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Enneagram: type 6 - the loyalist

Suggestions

Follow-up Questions

Yusra - Score: 82/100

Role