Mo

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Drama, Comedy, War, Thriller, Family, Crime

Setting: 1991 during the Gulf War, Kuwait City, Baghdad, Houston, Alief, TX

Overview: Amidst the turmoil of the Gulf War, the Najjar family flees Kuwait City. Mo, the quick-witted teenage son, embarks on a journey of survival, self-discovery, and resilience as he navigates the complexities of a new life in Houston. Along the way, he grapples with his family's expectations, his own ambitions, and the cultural divide he faces as an Iraqi immigrant.

Themes: Family and Belonging, Identity and Cultural Conflict, War and its Consequences, Cultural Assimilation and American Dream, Plight of Refugees, Survival and Resilience, Cultural Appropriation

Conflict and Stakes: The primary conflicts revolve around the family's survival during the Gulf War, Mo's determination to provide for his family through risky ventures, and the legal risks associated with selling counterfeit goods.

Overall Mood: Tense, emotional, and thought-provoking

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: Tense and emotional as the family prepares to flee Kuwait City amidst the Gulf War
  • Scene 4: Stressful and emotional as Mo faces the consequences of his risky decisions
  • Scene 5: Lighthearted and comedic during the interactions in the strip mall parking lot

Standout Features:

  • Unique Characters: Diverse and complex characters facing challenging circumstances
  • Cultural Identity Exploration: Exploration of cultural identity and immigrant experiences in a war-torn setting
  • Legal Risks and Survival: Incorporation of legal risks and survival instincts in a family's journey

Comparable Scripts:

  • Baghdad Central
  • The Kite Runner
  • Homeland
  • The Farewell
  • The Great Escape
  • The Longest Day
  • Saving Private Ryan
  • The Hurt Locker
  • American Sniper
  • The Post

Writing Style:

The screenplay showcases a writing style that blends humor, tension, and cultural authenticity to explore themes of family dynamics, sacrifice, resilience, and societal issues.

Style Similarities:

  • Quentin Tarantino
  • Kumail Nanjiani
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Consider


Explanation: The 'Mo' screenplay presents a compelling protagonist and a unique perspective on the immigrant experience, blending humor and drama with cultural commentary. However, the script requires further development to address pacing issues, character arcs, and plot inconsistencies. Exploring Mo's internal struggles and the cultural complexities he faces would enhance the narrative's depth and impact.


USP: This script stands out for its unique blend of humor, heart, and authenticity. Set against the backdrop of the Gulf War, it delves into the struggles and triumphs of a Kuwaiti family as they navigate the challenges of displacement, financial hardship, and cultural identity in a foreign land. The characters are complex and relatable, their relationships drawn with depth and nuance. The script features a unique narrative voice, rich in cultural references and evocative descriptions, that draws readers into the characters' world and makes their story deeply resonant. Whether it's the banter between siblings, the heartwarming family moments, or the tense confrontations, each scene is infused with a fresh and original voice that captures the essence of the immigrant experience. This script will surely captivate audiences with its timely themes, compelling characters, and unique storytelling approach.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$5-10 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of drama, war stories, and immigrant experiences

Marketability: The screenplay offers a compelling mix of family drama, survival, and cultural themes that resonate with a diverse audience.

The unique blend of genres, emotional depth, and strong character development make this screenplay stand out in the market.

The gripping storyline, relevant social themes, and diverse cast contribute to the screenplay's marketability.

Profit Potential: Moderate to high, with potential for critical acclaim and awards recognition due to its emotional depth and relevant themes.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by authentic dialogue, vivid descriptions, and a focus on family dynamics. The prose is lyrical and evocative, with a strong sense of place and a deep understanding of the immigrant experience.

Best representation: Scene 5 - Hustle in the Parking Lot. Scene 5 is the best representative of the writer's voice because it perfectly captures the blend of humor, pathos, and cultural specificity that is характерно for the script. The dialogue between Mo and his family is authentic and emotionally resonant, and the description of the food is both evocative and humorous.

Memorable Lines:

  • Mustafa: Habibi, Allah made you a strong and clever boy. Now you must use those gifts as a man. You are young, but not a child anymore. The family needs you. Can I depend on you? (Scene 1)
  • Young Mo: Please, sir! Don’t take my Ninja Turtles! She didn’t know they were there! (Scene 2)
  • Mo: Don’t talk about my girl’s hands! (Scene 3)
  • Mo: You know nuns wear hijabs, right? They got OG hijabs. (Scene 4)
  • Mo: I need to take care of my family today. They’re relying on me. I’m gonna do what I have to ‘till I can start my own business, buy some land... do things the right way. (Scene 7)
Characters

Mo Najjar:Youngest child entrusted with protecting the family's hidden wealth

Yusra Najjar:Resolute mother who takes charge of hiding the family's money and valuables

Nick:Warns Mo about the legal risks of selling replicas

Maria:Expresses concern for Mo's well-being and wants to meet his mother

Nazeer:Initially hesitant but eventually agrees to help Mo with his plans

Story Shape
Summary In the midst of the Gulf War in 1991, the Najjar family prepares to flee Kuwait City as the Iraqi invasion looms. They hurriedly gather their belongings and hide their valuables, entrusting Mo with the responsibility of protecting their hidden wealth. During their journey, they face danger and uncertainty as Iraqi soldiers threaten them, but a superior officer intervenes to help. Once in Houston, Mo faces challenges such as losing his job and getting involved in selling counterfeit goods, despite warnings about the legal risks. As tensions rise, Mo's commitment to providing for his family clashes with concerns about his safety and legal status, leading to a violent outburst in a supermarket. The family's struggles and Mo's decisions highlight the complex dynamics of survival, sacrifice, and the pursuit of a better life amidst adversity.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay presents a compelling and timely story of a family's struggle to survive during the Gulf War and navigate the challenges of immigration in the US. The character of Mo is well-developed, showcasing his internal conflicts and growth throughout the narrative. The themes of family loyalty, cultural identity, and the pursuit of the American Dream are effectively explored. However, the plot could benefit from more nuanced character interactions and emotional depth to further engage the audience. Some scenes feel disconnected and could be better integrated into the overall story arc. Additionally, the resolution of Mo's internal conflicts and decision to leave behind illegal activities could be more impactful with added emotional weight.
Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider enhancing the relationships between Mo and his family members to provide more emotional depth and character development. Integrate the scenes more seamlessly into the narrative to create a cohesive story flow. Explore Mo's internal struggles and growth in more detail, highlighting the emotional impact of his decisions. Add moments of vulnerability and self-reflection for Mo to further engage the audience and enhance the overall emotional resonance of the story.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Flight from Kuwait Tense, Sentimental, Hopeful, Nostalgic 8 8 89 9 798788889 89999
2 - Checkpoint Confrontation Tense, Anxious, Emotional, Suspenseful 9 8 99 8 787989889 79888
3 - Mo Gets Fired Serious, Humorous, Conversational 8 8 79 9 687686877 89888
4 - Clash Over Mother Playful, Sarcastic, Reflective 8 8 79 9 687.5584686 898.588
5 - A Deal in the Hookah Lounge Humorous, Serious, Reflective 8 8 79 9 687786876 89888
6 - Hustle in the Parking Lot Humorous, Conversational, Persuasive 8 8 79 8 687786876 99988
7 - Clash of Values: Counterfeit Quandary Tense, Serious, Dark, Intense 8 8 79 9 887989877 89888


Scene 1 - Flight from Kuwait
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 1.


FADE IN:

ON a hand taking stacks of money from under a mattress.

SUPER: GULF WAR. AHMADI, KUWAIT. 1991.

1.1 INT. MO’S HOUSE - MO’S BEDROOM - KUWAIT - 1991 - DAY 1.1 *

Reveal YUSRA NAJJAR, early 40s, focused and resolute,
grabbing as many BUNDLES OF CASH as she can carry. We FOLLOW
her as she hurries into --

1.2 INT. MO’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - KUWAIT - 1991 - DAY 1.2 *

A room that has been turned upside down - there are piles of
clothes and half-packed suitcases all over. Yusra dumps the
cash onto the couch, adding it to an already sizable pile.
She goes back for more, passing -- *

YOUNG MO NAJJAR, seven, dribbling a soccer ball like a *
basketball as if he were driving into the paint. *

NOTE: All dialogue in the Kuwait/Iraq scenes are in Arabic.

YOUNG MO *
(like an announcer)
Olajuwon leaps for the rim --

He jumps up, pretending to slam dunk.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
Yes! The crowd goes wild! AAAAAH!

Mo sees his older brother, YOUNG SAMEER NAJJAR, 11, *
obsessively pacing around the room in a zig-zag pattern, as
if one wrong step would bring disaster. Mo goes to pass him
the ball.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
(like an announcer)
The Dream looks to Kenny Smith!
(off Sameer’s nonreaction)
Sameer! The Jet!

Sameer cannot be distracted from his pacing. Mo shrugs.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
Tricked him! He keeps it and...

Mo THROWS the ball, hitting his sister, YOUNG NADIA NAJJAR, *
18, who’s folding and packing clothes. She turns, annoyed:
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 2.


YOUNG NADIA *
Mo! We’re all rushing and you’re
still playing stupid games!

YOUNG MO *
You’re stupid.

MUSTAFA (O.S.)
Hamoudi --

Mo’s FATHER, MUSTAFA NAJJAR, 50s, approaches from the dining
table where he’s set-up a workstation for his electronics.

MUSTAFA (CONT’D)
Habibi, your sister’s right. We
don’t have much time, you need to
focus.

YOUNG MO *
Baba, did you fix my Walkman yet?

MUSTAFA
(not now)
Go help your mother.

Mo runs off to Yusra as Mustafa resumes soldering some
Walkman components together.

A SERIES OF SHOTS:

MUSIC UP: “That’s Alright Mama” by Elvis Presley.

Yusra opens a PURSE, empties it onto the floor, and cuts the
lining with a razor. Mo hands her stacks as she begins
stashing cash into the makeshift compartment.

ON Yusra’s hands re-sewing the purse’s lining. She pulls the
last of the thread taut and Mo, scissors ready, cuts the
thread.

Yusra, at a sewing machine, finishes sewing a belt. She
secures it to Nadia’s waist and Mo fills it with money.

Mo finds a few STACKS of CASH in a box of Lion Bar chocolates *
and brings them to Yusra. Exhausted, she forces the forgotten *
stacks into a hidden lining of a suitcase. She doesn’t notice
as Mo grabs some nearby ACTION FIGURES and throws them in
with the clothes.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 3.

1.3 EXT. MO’S HOUSE - KUWAIT - 1991 - DAY 1.3

Mo, Yusra, Nadia, and Sameer stand outside with Mustafa and
their suitcases. Yusra’s wearing an oversized coat lined with
valuables; Mo in a too-small Pelé jersey.

An early 1980’s SCHOOL BUS approaches, stopping at their
house. The doors swing open and Yusra lifts her bags, guiding
Nadia and Sameer onto the bus.

But Mo hesitates... he can’t stop looking back at their home. *
Mustafa gently nudges him onward. Mo looks to his dad.

YOUNG MO *
Why can’t we go together?

MUSTAFA
The four of you will be together in
Houston, with Hakeem from the
basketball. I’ll be with you soon
inshallah.

Mustafa lovingly crouches down and caresses Mo’s face.

MUSTAFA (CONT’D) *
Habibi, Allah made you a strong and
clever boy. Now you must use those
gifts as a man. You are young, but
not a child anymore. The family
needs you. Can I depend on you?

ON Mo, his seven year old eyes absorbing the gravity of the
situation. He nods.

MUSTAFA (CONT’D)
Good. I thought so.

Mustafa smiles then hands Mo a now REPAIRED WALKMAN. Mo
smiles wide.

YOUNG MO *
Shokran, baba.

MUSTAFA
Yallah, habibi. Take care.

As Mo goes to board the bus, his smile disappears again as he *
can’t help but wonder if they’ll ever be together again.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 4.

1.4 INT. BUS - KUWAIT - 1991 1.4

Mo sits with his Mom, staring at the other FAMILIES piled in.
He’s got an empty bag of chips and a mound of orange peels on
his lap. He makes eye contact with a SAD YOUNG GIRL. He looks
away, then slips on his headphones and nuzzles into Yusra.

1.5 INT./EXT. BAGHDAD, IRAQ CHECKPOINT - 1991 - HOURS LATER 1.5 *

Mo’s woken up by a commotion outside the bus, now stopped. He
looks out the window --
Genres: ["Drama","Family","War"]

Summary In 1991 Kuwait City, the Najjar family hastily prepares to flee the Iraqi invasion. Amidst the chaos, they hide their valuables and board a school bus to Houston. Mo, the youngest son, is entrusted with protecting the family's hidden wealth.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Slight predictability in character actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the family's imminent departure, establishes the characters' relationships and emotions, and creates a sense of urgency and tension. The use of dialogue and actions conveys the family dynamics and the weight of the situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family fleeing their home during wartime is compelling and relatable. The scene effectively introduces the main characters, their motivations, and the challenges they face.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the family's preparations to leave Kuwait and the emotional moment between the father and son. It sets up the conflict and stakes for the rest of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Gulf War by focusing on a family's struggle to escape and survive, highlighting the personal sacrifices and challenges faced by individuals in war-torn regions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed through their actions and dialogue. Each family member's personality and role within the family are established, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Mo undergoes a subtle change from a playful child to a more serious and responsible young boy as he accepts his role in the family's journey. The father's reassurance and trust in Mo mark a significant moment of growth.

Internal Goal: 9

Yusra's internal goal is to protect her family and ensure their safety during the war. This reflects her deep desire to keep her loved ones safe and together.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to escape Kuwait and reach safety in Houston. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of surviving the war and finding a new home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is internal, as the family grapples with leaving their home and uncertain future. The tension is palpable as they make difficult decisions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the family facing external challenges such as the war, the need to flee their home, and the uncertainty of their future. The audience is left unsure of how the family will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the family must leave their home in the midst of war, facing an uncertain future and separation. The emotional and physical risks add intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by establishing the family's departure, the challenges they face, and the emotional stakes involved. It sets the stage for the unfolding events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and emotional moments, such as Mo's realization of his responsibilities and the family's uncertain future. The audience is kept on edge wondering how the family will navigate their circumstances.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is evident in Mustafa's conversation with Mo, where he emphasizes the importance of responsibility and maturity in difficult times. This challenges Mo's beliefs about his role in the family and his own capabilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety and sadness to love and hope. The emotional depth of the characters and their situation resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue, mostly in Arabic, effectively conveys the family's emotions, relationships, and the urgency of the situation. The use of sports references adds a layer of authenticity and familiarity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the family's struggle and creates a sense of urgency and emotional connection. The dynamic between the characters and the high stakes of their situation keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, moving seamlessly between moments of action and reflection. The rhythm of the scene enhances the urgency of the family's situation and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and actions. The use of music cues and visual descriptions enhances the atmosphere and pacing of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs, setting up the family's journey and the challenges they will face. The formatting is consistent with the genre and effectively conveys the urgency of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets the stage for the family's escape from Kuwait during the Gulf War, showcasing the urgency and tension of the situation.
  • The use of Arabic dialogue adds authenticity to the setting and characters, but make sure it is accurately translated for non-Arabic speaking readers.
  • The interactions between the family members, especially the dynamic between Mo and his siblings, add depth to their relationships and personalities.
  • The emotional moment between Mustafa and Mo, where Mustafa entrusts Mo with the responsibility of protecting the family, is a powerful and poignant moment.
  • The scene effectively conveys the sense of loss and uncertainty as the family is separated, with Mo's internal conflict about leaving his father behind being a strong emotional anchor.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues or actions to enhance the tension and urgency of the situation, such as showing more of the chaos outside the house or the fear in the characters' expressions.
  • Ensure that the Arabic dialogue is accurately translated for non-Arabic speaking readers to fully understand the interactions and emotions of the characters.
  • Explore deeper into Mo's internal conflict about leaving his father behind, perhaps through inner thoughts or flashbacks to strengthen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Consider adding a bit more background information about the family's situation and their reasons for fleeing Kuwait to provide more context for the audience.
  • Continue to develop the relationships between the family members, especially Mo and his siblings, to create a more nuanced and engaging dynamic.



Scene 2 - Checkpoint Confrontation
IRAQI SOLDIERS yell at people they’ve kicked off other
vehicles, breaking open their luggage and stealing valuables.
A BURLY SOLDIER enters the bus and makes an announcement:

BURLY SOLDIER
Everyone, take your bags and get
off of the bus.

Mo tries not to look scared. Sameer and Nadia are having less
success - Sameer moans nervously and Nadia trembles, her
fingers feeling the money hidden in her belt. Yusra grips
them, trying to calm them down.

YUSRA
(to Nadia)
Go before you blow our cover.
(to Mo)
Watch Sameer.

Yusra hands them their bags and ushers them off. We stay with
her as she kneels down, out of sight, listening to the CHAOS
outside.

She grabs her suitcase and makes a mess of it, undoing all
her work. She grabs another bag and does the same thing.
Finally, she scatters orange peels and empty wrappers on top.

ON Mo, outside, stealing glances at what Yusra’s doing. He
has enough sense to know not to stare. The passengers around
him watch helplessly as their possessions are ransacked and
valuables stolen. Yusra signals him with a go-ahead, and as
the other passengers get herded back onto the bus, the Najjar
children join them.

The burly soldier accompanies the last of the passengers back
onto the bus. As Mo, Sameer, and Nadia sit back down with
Yusra, the soldier’s eyes land on her:

BURLY SOLDIER
I never saw you get off the bus.
You playing me for a fool?
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 5.


Mo sees other passengers look on anxiously as Yusra clutches
Sameer, quietly starting to recite Quranic Surat Ya-seen.

BURLY SOLDIER (CONT’D)
What are you deaf, bitch? Think you
can hide from me?

ON Mo, seeing his family in need. Suddenly, he starts fake
CRYING.

YOUNG MO *
Please, sir! Don’t take my Ninja
Turtles! She didn’t know they were
there!

The soldier looks at him, confused. Mo sells it hard, his
tears becoming sobs. He seems genuinely terrified.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
I just wanted to have my toys. It’s
not her fault. She didn’t know!

He holds a weathered TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES toy out to
the soldier.

YOUNG MO (CONT’D) *
Take Michelangelo, everyone knows
he’s the best! Please --

SUPERIOR OFFICER (O.S.)
What is this filth?

The SUPERIOR OFFICER steps on the bus, his uniform crisp and
covered with honors. He eyes the Burly Soldier.

SUPERIOR OFFICER (CONT’D)
You think you’re a big man? Making
women and children cry?

Mo stifles his cries as the Officer gives his subordinate a
hard stare. The Officer eyes Yusra’s luggage -- the wrappers,
the orange peels, and Mo’s Ninja Turtles peeking out. *

SUPERIOR OFFICER (CONT’D)
These bags have clearly been
searched. You want to take the
boy’s candy and toys too?

He signals to a couple of his other MEN and has the Soldier
removed from the bus. The Officer takes one of the figures
from Yusra’s suitcase and hands it to Mo, patting him on the
face. He looks over to Yusra:
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 6.


SUPERIOR OFFICER (CONT’D) *
God be with you all. *

Once in the clear, Yusra turns to Mo, proud and impressed.
You can hear the relief in their hushed voices:

YUSRA
When did you learn to turn on tears
like that?

YOUNG MO *
When you wouldn’t buy me a Walkman.

He holds up his Walkman, smiling. Yusra shakes her head,
amused. The bus begins to pull away and Mo puts on his
headphones. Hits play.

PRELAP: “25 Lighters on My Dresser” by Fat Pat --

CUT TO:

MAIN TITLE

1.6 INT./EXT. - MO’S CAR - HEADED TOWARD ALIEF - DAY 1.6

“25 Lighters” continues over a MONTAGE:

MO NAJJAR, now in his mid-30s, cruises in his beat up ‘70 *
FORD TURINO COUPE, old-school windows rolled down due to the *
broken AC, the MICHELANGELO TOY he had in Kuwait on the
dashboard.

We take in the sights of Houston -- e.g., the “Be Someone”
bridge over I-10; the Houston Graffiti Building; the “Twin
Syringes” building...

Mo rolls into Alief and lights up a joint as he passes the
water tower; Crump Stadium; Pencil Middle School...

He throws on a “Houston Mobile Spot” shirt as he turns onto
Bellaire Blvd with its Mexican meat markets, 99 cent stores,
Black women's hair product stores...

Finally, he pulls into a strip mall parking lot and kills the
engine, the MUSIC CUTS OFF.

Psst, psst -- Mo sprays himself with a can of air freshener.

1.7 INT. HOUSTON MOBILE SPOT - DAY 1.7

Mo moves back and forth between desks, multi-tasking as he
puts a new screen on a TEXAS WOMAN’S phone. *
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 7.


TEXAS WOMAN
How are you doing it so fast?

MO
These new LCD screens are easy,
just a couple of screws and an
attachment. Now if you brought me a
Nokia 1202, that’s a whole
different situation, can’t find
those parts.

One of Mo’s inept coworkers, JOSÉ, late 20s, shouts:

JOSÉ
Yo, Mo! I need those iPhone cases.
(in Spanish)
Aye, asshole -- this gringa been
waiting.

Mo doesn’t look up as he puts the finishing touches on the
woman’s phone. Shouting to José:
Genres: ["Drama","War","Thriller"]

Summary Amidst the chaos of an Iraqi checkpoint, soldiers plunder乘客物品并强行驱赶他们下车. Mo, Sameer, Nadia, 和 Yusra 努力保持镇静并隐藏贵重物品. Mo 假装哭泣以分散士兵注意力. 一位高级军官介入并帮助了这一家人.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates tension and emotional depth, engaging the audience with the family's plight and the high stakes involved.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival and escape in a war zone is well-executed, with the focus on clever strategies and the unexpected bravery of a child adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping and well-paced, with the tension escalating as the family faces challenges and the unexpected intervention of a superior officer changes the course of events.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of survival in a dangerous environment, with unique character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each displaying unique traits and reactions to the situation, adding complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Mo's character shows growth and courage as he steps up to protect his family, showcasing a significant change in his behavior.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his family and maintain their cover while facing the threat of the soldiers. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security for his loved ones.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to avoid detection by the soldiers and ensure the safety of his family. This reflects the immediate challenge of surviving in a dangerous environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and constant, with the family facing external threats and internal struggles, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the soldiers posing a significant threat to the protagonist and his family. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the family risks their lives to escape the war zone, facing danger and uncertainty at every turn.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the family's journey and the challenges they face, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Mo's fake crying to protect his family and the intervention of the superior officer.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the scene between the oppressive actions of the soldiers and the protagonist's values of protecting his family and standing up against injustice. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the face of adversity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, ranging from fear and tension to relief and pride, creating a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, enhancing the tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, high stakes, and the audience's investment in the protagonist's struggle to protect his family.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the protagonist's actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and contributes to the overall atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively creates tension and showcases the danger faced by the Najjar family during the Iraqi invasion.
  • The use of Mo pretending to cry to distract the soldiers is a clever tactic, but the execution could be more nuanced.
  • The dialogue and actions of the characters feel a bit forced and melodramatic at times, lacking subtlety in portraying the fear and desperation of the situation.
  • The interaction between Mo and the superior officer feels a bit rushed and could benefit from more development to make it more impactful.
  • The transition to Mo in his mid-30s in Houston feels abrupt and disjointed from the previous scene, lacking a smooth connection.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining Mo's fake crying tactic to make it more believable and emotionally resonant.
  • Work on the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' emotions in a subtler way.
  • Add more depth to the interaction between Mo and the superior officer to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Find a smoother transition between the Kuwait City setting and Mo's current life in Houston to maintain continuity and coherence in the narrative.



Scene 3 - Mo Gets Fired
MO
Which iPhone cases? The SE, 11 Pro,
12 Pro Max, be specific, José!

JOSÉ
The iPhone 13s!

MO (IN SPANISH)
Relax, cabrón. They’re in the back
by the Selena Samsung cases -- rest
in peace.

JOSÉ (IN SPANISH)
Rest in peace.

José does the sign of the cross and walks off. Mo’s boss,
ABOOD RAHMAN, 50s, whistles, motioning for him. Mo hands the
phone back to his customer.

MO
José will ring you up.

Mo joins Abood in the back of the shop. *

MO (CONT’D)
What’s happening?

ABOOD RAHMAN (IN ARABIC) *
I have to talk to you...
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 8.


MO
Why are you speaking Arabic? It’s
never good when you speak Arabic in
front of the customers.

Abood hesitates. *

ABOOD RAHMAN (IN ARABIC) *
ICE raided our other location this
morning. We ate a big fine, one
more will shut us down. I have to
let you go.

MO
You’re firing me?

ABOOD RAHMAN *
What am I supposed to do? You don’t
have a work permit. I’m sorry.

MO
What about José? José can’t be
legal.

ABOOD RAHMAN *
No, José’s legal.

JOSÉ (O.S.)
I married in, bro!

ABOOD RAHMAN *
See?

JOSÉ (O.S.)
You should marry Maria, she’s fine
as hell! And she’s a mechanic too,
got those oily hands!

MO
Don’t talk about my girl’s hands!
(to Abood) *
How can you fire me over that guy?
God only knows what’s in his search
history.

ABOOD RAHMAN *
Mo, please --

MO
He’s from Matamoros! You know what
that translates to? Kill Muslims.
(MORE)
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 9.
MO (CONT’D)
(in Arabic)
Don’t do this. I know this store
better than anyone. Plus I’ll have
my asylum soon.

ABOOD RAHMAN
How soon?

MO
Soon. You know. Like, (trailer
voice) coming soon. That kinda
soon. I’m in the system, okay? I’m
not undocumented. My court date’s
coming up. Once they grant me
asylum, I’ll have a work permit.

ABOOD RAHMAN *
And if they don’t, they’ll deport
you. It’s not so simple. You’ve
been waiting, what, 20 years?

MO
Twenty-two.

ABOOD RAHMAN *
Twenty-two years of courts dates.
What makes you think this next one
will be different?

MO
I’m just playing the odds. How many
times can they push a hearing?

Abood remains unconvinced. *
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 10.


ABOOD RAHMAN *
Listen, inshallah it all works out
and I take you back. Until then...

He holds out an envelope.

ABOOD RAHMAN (IN ARABIC) (CONT’D)
I wish I could do more...

Mo takes it, counts the cash. Looks up, annoyed.

MO
This is the money you owe me. You
made it sound like you were giving
me a lil extra, which would be nice
considering how much I’ve done for
you. Good luck running this place
with (shouting) JOSE! But
whatever, man. It’s not the first
time ICE has run me out of a job.
Salaams to the family.

Mo walks away, goes to dap José goodbye.

JOSÉ
Gonna miss you, hermano.

MO
You too brother.

As Mo makes his way out the door, José attempts to curse him
in Arabic along with the appropriate hand gesture.

JOSÉ
(gesturing)
Hey Mo -- Biteezee!

MO
(correcting)
It’s Bi-teezak! Like this.

1.8 INT. MARIA’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT 1.8 *

Mo checks his phone in bed while his girlfriend, MARIA (late
20s-30s, Mexican), comes out of the bathroom after having
just finished washing for the night.

MARIA
I’m telling you, if I see Ramón’s
ass crack one more time...
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 11.


MO
Baby, I don’t wanna hear you talk
about other men’s asses.

MARIA
I don’t wanna see their asses! I’ve
tried belts, lululemons -- the
guy’s crack is relentless.

MO
Put him on oil changes, stick him
under the car.

Maria: That’s not a bad idea... She picks Mo’s Houston Mobile *
Spot shirt up and folds it, before joining him in bed.

MARIA
You gonna retire that thing? Hang
it on your wall like a jersey? *

MO
I’m gonna keep it so my mom thinks *
I still work there. *

Maria laughs -- then sees he’s not kidding.

MARIA (IN SPANISH)
Seriously? Just tell her!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Mo is fired from his job at a phone store because his boss, Abood, is worried about an ICE raid. Mo argues with Abood, but Abood gives him an envelope with the money he owes him and tells him to leave. Mo leaves the store and says goodbye to his coworker, José.
Strengths
  • Well-developed characters
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Balanced tone
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances serious and light-hearted moments, providing depth to the characters and advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of job loss due to immigration status and the uncertainty faced by immigrants is well portrayed, adding layers to the characters' motivations and struggles.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Mo faces a setback in his job and grapples with the uncertainty of his immigration status, setting up potential conflicts and challenges for the future.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by undocumented workers in a retail setting, with authentic dialogue and cultural references that add depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions and dialogue reveal depth and complexity, making them engaging and relatable.

Character Changes: 6

Mo experiences a setback in his job, leading to potential changes in his circumstances and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal is to secure his job and financial stability despite his undocumented status and impending asylum hearing. He wants to prove his worth to his boss and maintain his livelihood.

External Goal: 7

Mo's external goal is to convince Abood Rahman to keep him employed despite his lack of work permit and impending asylum hearing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from Mo's job loss and immigration struggles.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Abood Rahman's decision to fire Mo creating a significant obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, with Mo facing job loss and uncertainty about his immigration status.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and conflicts for the characters, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its outcome, but the emotional depth and character dynamics add layers of complexity that keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethical dilemma of firing an employee based on legal status and the moral implications of loyalty and trust in the workplace.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from amusement to concern, creating a nuanced emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and engaging, blending humor with serious conversations. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its realistic dialogue, cultural references, and high-stakes conflict that keeps the audience invested in Mo's plight.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotional stakes that keep the audience invested in Mo's story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and conflict resolution, fitting the expected format for a dramatic dialogue-driven scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose, as it transitions abruptly from Mo being fired to a conversation with his girlfriend Maria.
  • The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth, with Mo's interactions with Abood and José feeling forced and lacking emotional impact.
  • The scene fails to effectively convey the emotional weight of Mo losing his job and the uncertainty of his asylum status, which are crucial elements of his character's arc.
  • The transition to Mo's conversation with Maria feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous events, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
  • There is a lack of visual storytelling and character development in the scene, with minimal description of the setting and character actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to focus more on Mo's emotional turmoil after being fired and his internal struggle with his asylum status.
  • Develop the dialogue between Mo, Abood, and José to add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.
  • Integrate visual elements and character actions to enhance the storytelling and provide a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between the different beats of the scene to maintain coherence and flow.
  • Explore ways to connect Mo's personal struggles with his family's situation and the larger themes of the screenplay for a more cohesive narrative.



Scene 4 - Clash Over Mother
MO *
Why worry her? I’ll figure out my *
next move and then I’ll tell her. *

Maria stares incredulously. Mo lights a joint.

MO (CONT’D)
Don’t give me that look. You don’t
know my mom. *

MARIA
Because you never let me see her.

MO
You saw her just the other day! *
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 12.


MARIA
We said hello and goodbye, like *
always. Two years now and we’ve *
never had dinner together. *

MO
You want my mom to grill you again?

MARIA
Think I can’t handle her religious
shit?
(as Yusra)
“Maria, why do you Catholics
worship three gods?”

MO
She has a point about the Trinity. *

MARIA
Here we go again. You want to put
me in a hijab.

MO
No! Hijab is not the top priority.
We can build to that later. Start
with the basic Muslim package.

Maria grabs the joint from Mo, takes a toke.

MARIA
You calling me basic?

MO
(playful)
Ain’t nothing basic about you,
girl... *

MARIA
You don’t even go to your mosque. *
Why don’t you come with me to *
church for once? You could use a *
confession... *

Mo takes a drag, blows out a cloud of smoke.

MO
You know nuns wear hijabs, right?
They got OG hijabs.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 13.

1.9 INT. NAJJAR CONDO - ENTRANCE/LIVING ROOM - DAY 1.9

Mo, wearing his Houston Mobile Spot shirt, enters the
family’s small condo. Though it’s not dirty, it’s CLUTTERED,
the space filled with mismatched furniture and random items,
with knickknacks and odd collectibles cramming the shelves.

Plus, it’s LOUD. Yusra shouts in Arabic as she FaceTimes with
her sisters, trying to talk over “The Price is Right”, which
is blasting on the TV.

On his way inside, Mo bumps into an end-table, knocking over
one of three mismatched lamps. YUSRA, now in her 60s, looks
up from her FaceTime --

YUSRA (IN ARABIC)
Watch where you’re going, Hamoudi!

MO
Mama, why do we have three lamps on
one table? You don’t even plug them *
in.

YUSRA
They’re antiques!

Mo picks up the lamp he knocked over, noticing:

MO
This was $11.99 from Target, you
left the price tag on.

YUSRA
Yes, so people will know what a
bargain I got. Come, say hello to
your aunties.

Mo takes the phone to say hello. His Aunt LAMEECE holds her *
phone low for a chin-up view, while his Aunt HALIMA holds *
hers inches from her face. Both unflattering angles.

MO
Hi, Khalto Halima. Hi, Khalto
Lameece.

LAMEECE (FACETIME)
Hamoudi! Look at you!

HALIMA (FACETIME)
Are you okay, habibi? You seem
bigger.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 14.


MO *
I’m fine, you just need to hold *
your phone a little further away -- *

HALIMA (FACETIME)
You need to take care of yourself
if you want to meet a good girl.

LAMEECE (FACETIME)
You need me to set you up, Hamoudi?
I can set you up right now --
(to off screen)
Ayisha! Come, meet my nephew! *

MO
Nope, all good, Ayisha! That’s nice *
of you Auntie, but I’m okay.

YUSRA
He’s talking to a Mexican girl. And
on top of that she’s Catholic.

LAMEECE/HALIMA
Habibi!

Mo ignores their protests.

HALIMA (FACETIME)
Hamoudi, Hadi wants a Samsung
Galaxy. How much can you get them
at work, we’ll pay you.

MO
Tell Hadi I’ll take care of it, the
phone’s on me.

HALIMA (FACETIME)
Are you sure?

MO
Of course, they love me there!

HALIMA (FACETIME)
Oh habibi, thank you!

Mo hands the phone back to Yusra and heads for his room, his
face dropping: Why did I just say that?

1.10 INT. NAJJAR CONDO - MO’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 1.10
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 15.


Mo enters and shuts the door. He takes a calming breath and *
closes his eyes. But the peace and quiet is short lived as he
hears his door CREAK open, followed by a PURRING.

He turns to find his older brother, SAMEER, now 39, in the
doorway, carrying a cat, in his Chick’n Cone uniform. Sameer
stares at him.

MO SAMEER
Why are you looking at me
like that? I’m working on my eye
contact.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Mo and Maria's conversation about his mother intensifies. Maria insists on meeting her, while Mo worries about her reaction. Maria smokes a joint, suggesting they go to church. Mo counters that nuns wear hijabs, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character development
  • Cultural authenticity
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and depth, offering a glimpse into the characters' personalities and setting up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family banter and cultural clash is well-executed, adding layers to the characters and setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 7

While the plot doesn't advance significantly in this scene, it establishes the family dynamics and hints at potential conflicts to come.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique cultural and religious conflicts within a family dynamic, offering fresh perspectives on identity and tradition.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue, showcasing their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal is to navigate his family's expectations and cultural differences while maintaining his own identity.

External Goal: 7.5

Mo's external goal is to avoid confrontation with his family and find a way to assert his independence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict is minimal in this scene, primarily revolving around cultural differences and family dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mo facing conflicting expectations from his family and his own desires.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and cultural clashes.

Story Forward: 6

The scene provides insight into the characters and their relationships, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is somewhat predictable in its family conflict dynamics, but the cultural elements add a layer of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between Mo's desire to maintain his individuality and his family's expectations of conformity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of humor and nostalgia, creating an emotional connection with the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' backgrounds and beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue, cultural conflicts, and relatable family dynamics.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of dialogue and action, effectively portraying the family dynamics and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose in advancing the overall plot of the screenplay. It feels disconnected from the main storyline of the family fleeing Kuwait during the Gulf War.
  • The dialogue between Mo and Maria feels forced and lacks depth. The conversation about Mo's mother and religion comes off as superficial and does not add much to the character development or plot.
  • The scene relies heavily on stereotypes and cliches about religion and cultural differences, which can come off as insensitive or unoriginal.
  • The transition from Mo's conversation with Maria to the family dynamic in the Najjar condo feels abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to stay engaged.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth or tension in the scene, which is crucial for maintaining the audience's interest and investment in the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to focus on a more significant conflict or character development that ties back to the main storyline of the screenplay.
  • Develop the dialogue between Mo and Maria to be more authentic and meaningful, exploring their relationship dynamics and personal struggles in a more nuanced way.
  • Avoid relying on stereotypes and cliches, instead, strive to portray the characters' beliefs and backgrounds with depth and authenticity.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the flow of the screenplay and keep the audience engaged.
  • Infuse the scene with more emotional depth and tension to captivate the audience and enhance the impact of the characters' interactions.



Scene 5 - A Deal in the Hookah Lounge
Mo nods, indulging his brother.

SAMEER (CONT’D)
I need you to get some Meow Munch
Premium for Crystal. It’s the only
brand she eats now.

MO
There’s no way a cat’s pallet is
that refined.

SAMEER
Oh no, cat pallets are very
refined. They’ve done studies.

MO
What about the package of Perfect
Portions I just got you?

SAMEER
I also need you to return that.

Sameer steps in, hands Mo a handwritten list, it has one item
on it: Meow Much Premium. Mo tries to hand it back to him.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 16.


MO *
Habibi, I have a lot on my plate --

SAMEER
It’s gotta be within the next two
hours. Crystal’s on a very strict
feeding regimen.

MO
Sameer, I’m not Amazon prime. I’m
not promising to deliver in two
hours. I’ll get it when I can,
okay?

SAMEER
If you don’t get it, I’m gonna tell
mom about your tattoo.

MO
Seriously? You’re pulling this shit
again? Come on...

Beat. Sameer yells through the door:

SAMEER MO (CONT’D)
Mama, Hamoudi mutilated his
body with a tattoo! Fine, fine! I’ll get the
stupid cat food!

Sameer, satisfied, puts his hand on Mo’s shoulder.

SAMEER (CONT’D)
Four hours. I don’t want my little
brother stressed, it’s bad for the
immune system.

1.11 INT. KAAN YA MAKAAN HOOKAH LOUNGE & CAFE - DAY 1.11

Mo walks into the café, heading toward the back. Hookah smoke
fills the lounge as people chat and share plates.

At a table in the back, two men -- ABA WEINBERG (60s, Jewish) *
and NAZEER (60s, Arab) -- play BACKGAMMON, rolling dice and
sliding checkers as they bicker.

ABA WEINBERG NAZEER
You can huff and puff until
you’re blue, but in 1947, the -- Ah, yes, 1947, the year
United Nations -- history began! --

ABA WEINBERG (CONT’D)
-- presented a plan offering both
sides their own country --
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 17.


NAZEER
Devised by the same European
colonialists who seized the land in
the first place. Pass the tahini?

Aba hands Nazeer the tahini. Mo sidles up to the table and
joins them.

MO
Hey, Arafat, Rabin, you guys done
with your podcast?

ABA WEINBERG
Let’s table the peace talks.

MO
I’ve had enough drama, I just got
fired.

NAZEER
You lost your job? What’d you do?

MO
What do you mean, what did I do?
Nothing. ICE raided Rahman’s other
store and he got scared, let me go.

NAZEER
(re: Abood)
No balls, that guy.

A WAITER, HAMEED, mid 20s, sets down more trays of hummus and
all the fixings. Hameed speaks broken English and thinks
“shit fool” -- which he pronounces “shee foo”-- means “yes.”

HAMEED
Hummus. Lemon juice. Chick pea on
side. Sexy.

ABA WEINBERG
Learn English, kid. Hummus ain’t
sexy.

MO
He means it tastes good.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 18.


HAMEED
Shee foo. Shee.

Hameed walks off. Mo takes out a small bottle of OLIVE OIL
and MIXES the hummus with the side ingredients, customizing
it to his liking. Nazeer comments as he mixes:

NAZEER
Look at this guy, so particular
with his hummus. Baladi asly.

MO
Taban. I got high standards, amoo.

ABA WEINBERG
You know they make this snack-cup
hummus now? It’s actually not bad.

MO
That’s a war crime.

NAZEER
So what are you gonna do for work?

Mo takes a beat, swallows.

MO
I wanna start selling again.
Bootlegs, counterfeits, whatever.

NAZEER
Why go back to selling that crap?

MO
Because I’m good at it. Can you
hook me up?

Nazeer doesn’t like the idea.

NAZEER
You need a job? Work for Aba in his
suit shop.

ABA WEINBERG
I’d love to have him, the kid’s a
natural salesman. But what am I, a
charity?

MO
(to Nazeer)
It’s just a side-hustle. I’m still
gonna get another job.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 19.


NAZEER MO (CONT’D)
Your father, God rest his
soul -- God rest his soul.

NAZEER (CONT’D)
Wouldn’t want to see you or Sameer
or Nadia get in trouble.

MO
But he’d want me to support the
family. I don’t want to be selling
this shit either, but what am I
supposed to do?

Nazeer’s still unconvinced.

MO (CONT’D)
If I have to go around Harwin
asking for a connect, I will. But
yallah, you know everyone in the
wholesale district. Save me the
time, hook me up.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Mo reluctantly agrees to buy specific cat food for his brother's cat, as Sameer threatens to tell their mother about Mo's tattoo if he doesn't get it within four hours. Mo seeks help from Nazeer and Aba Weinberg in a hookah lounge to discuss his job loss and plans to start selling bootleg goods again. Nazeer is hesitant but agrees after Mo convinces him it's just a side hustle to support his family. However, Nazeer warns Mo that his father would not want him to get into trouble.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Well-defined characters
  • Balanced tone
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor and seriousness, providing insight into the characters' personalities and struggles. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family dynamics, financial struggles, and personal ambitions is well-developed in the scene. It explores the tension between familial responsibilities and individual desires.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Mo discusses his job loss and plans to start selling again. The conflict between his family's expectations and his own ambitions is highlighted.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on family dynamics, cultural diversity, and ethical dilemmas. The characters' interactions feel authentic and relatable, offering a unique take on societal issues.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. Mo's desire to support his family while pursuing his own goals adds depth to his character.

Character Changes: 6

Mo's decision to start selling again shows a shift in his character's trajectory. The scene sets up potential changes in his relationships and goals.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to support his family and navigate the challenges of losing his job. He is conflicted about returning to his previous illegal activities but feels pressured to provide for his family.

External Goal: 7

Mo's external goal is to find a new source of income after losing his job. He considers returning to selling bootlegs and counterfeits as a way to support his family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Mo's family expectations and his desire to start selling again creates tension in the scene. The discussion about his job loss adds to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and goals among the characters. Mo faces resistance from Nazeer and Aba in his decision to return to illegal activities, adding complexity to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, with Mo facing the challenge of balancing his family responsibilities and personal ambitions. The potential consequences of his decisions add tension.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing Mo's plans to start selling again and the conflicts he faces. It sets up future developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' conversations and decisions. The audience is kept on their toes as the characters navigate their challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on work, ethics, and family responsibility. Mo struggles with the idea of returning to illegal activities to support his family, while Nazeer and Aba have contrasting opinions on the matter.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from humor to reflection. The characters' struggles and ambitions evoke empathy from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, blending humor with serious discussions. It reveals the characters' relationships and inner conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, cultural references, and character interactions. The conflicts and dilemmas faced by the characters draw the audience in and create tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing dialogue, action, and character development effectively. The rhythm of the scene enhances the tension and emotional depth of the interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and structured, following the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay. The descriptions and character actions are clear and concise.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of dialogue and action, capturing the characters' interactions and conflicts effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a light-hearted interaction between Mo and Sameer about getting cat food, but quickly escalates into a threat from Sameer about revealing Mo's tattoo to their mother. This sudden shift in tone feels a bit jarring and could be smoothed out for better flow.
  • The dialogue between Mo, Aba Weinberg, and Nazeer at the hookah lounge is engaging and provides insight into Mo's current situation. However, the transition from the cat food conversation to the hookah lounge scene could be more seamless to maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The introduction of the character Nazeer and his reluctance to help Mo get back into selling counterfeit goods adds an interesting dynamic to the scene. However, the conflict between Mo's desire to support his family and Nazeer's warning about getting into trouble could be further explored to create more tension and depth.
  • The scene touches on themes of family responsibility, job loss, and the temptation to return to illegal activities for financial gain. These themes could be more effectively woven together to create a cohesive narrative that drives the story forward.
  • The scene lacks visual elements and actions that could enhance the storytelling and provide a more immersive experience for the audience. Adding more visual cues and physical movements could help bring the scene to life and make it more dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between the cat food conversation and the hookah lounge scene to maintain a consistent tone and flow.
  • Explore the conflict between Mo and Nazeer further to add depth and tension to the scene.
  • Integrate more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Ensure that the themes of family responsibility, job loss, and temptation are effectively integrated into the scene to drive the narrative forward.
  • Work on balancing the light-hearted moments with the more serious themes to create a cohesive and engaging scene.



Scene 6 - Hustle in the Parking Lot
NAZEER
(capitulating)
All right, all right. I’ll make a
call. You happy now?

MO
Thank you, amoo. I appreciate it.
(needling Aba)
‘67 borders and right of return.

ABA WEINBERG
Right of return?? We’ll never reach
a deal with your fakakta terms.

NAZEER
The nakba started the whole thing!

1.12 EXT. STRIP MALL PARKING LOT - ALIEF, TX - LATE AFTERNOON 1.12

Mo leans against his trunk, scoping out possible customers as
people walk by. He spots a 20-something LATINO KID in a
hoodie approaching.

MO
Wassup my man, I --

The kid walks by, gives Mo the finger from behind. Mo shakes
it off, spots a 30-something WHITE GUY wearing New Balances.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 20.


MO (CONT’D)
Nice kicks, bro. Check out these --

As soon as Mo opens his mouth, the guy nervously power
walks/runs away.

Finally Mo spots JIM (early 50s, southern) walking toward
him, rubbing his lower back in pain. Mo zeros in on him.

MO (CONT’D)
What are you, a size 12?

JIM
(impressed)
Yes sir.

MO
Corral boots?

JIM
Sonofabitch, you’re right again. My
old trusties.

MO
They’re old, all right. Probably
not good for your back either.

JIM
Yeah, I got real bad lower back
pain.

MO
Same here. But once I switched over
to these Yeezys, my lower back pain *
disappeared. Thank you, Yeezus,
that’s what I say.
(hands one to him)
See? Designer, yet orthopedic.

JIM
Yeah, I dunno. These don’t look
like the kinda thing I’d wear.

MO
That’s cuz you haven’t tried them
on yet.

Mo reaches into his trunk like a magician and plops down a
stool for Jim.

MO (CONT’D)
C’mon have a seat, what’s it gonna
take, 30 seconds?
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 21.


Jim reluctantly takes a seat. Mo fits the Yeezys on him.

MO (CONT’D)
(a slight southern accent)
Listen, Corrals are great, but you
can’t walk a country mile in ‘em.
Back pain’s nothing to play with.
Mess up your lower lumber and you
won’t be able to pickup your
grandkids.
(finishes lacing)
Go on, give ‘em a try.

Jim takes a few steps and is pleasantly surprised: *

JIM
Wow. These are golden.

MO
And they’re made of high quality
materials too. You can hang your
hat on that. Look, let’s not burn
daylight here. Genuine aftermarket
Yeezys go anywhere from $350 to
over a $1,000 a pop. I’m offering
you these for $200 -- that’s below
retail.

Jim thinks about it. He likes the sneakers, but --

JIM
I don’t think spending that kinda
money on sneakers is gonna fly with
the wife.

MO
I smell what you’re stepping in. So
I’m gonna sweeten the pot.

Mo reaches into his trunk, takes out a hand bag.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 22.


MO (CONT’D)
For $300 -- I know, hear me out --
I’ll throw in this Chanel purse
that’s just like the real thing
that sells for a $1,000. She’ll
never know the difference.

Mo stares at Jim. Jim stares back. A beat.

CUT TO:

1.13 EXT. STRIP MALL PARKING LOT - ALIEF, TX - MOMENTS LATER 1.13 *

Mo watches as good ol’ Jim walks away in a new pair of
Yeezys, with Corral boots in one hand and a Chanel purse in
the other.

1.14 INT. THE BREAKFAST KLUB - NIGHT 1.14

Mo, Maria, and Mo’s oldest friend, NICK (30s, Black), chow
down on breakfast food at this local Houston staple.

Maria stares at the Chanel bag on her lap, marveling. She’s
inspecting the bag, trying to find a flaw.

MARIA
(in awe)
This isn’t real?

NICK
You don’t wanna be selling this
fake shit, man.

MO
It’s not “fake”. It’s a high
quality replica.

NICK
That’s the problem -- it’s too
real. Remember Fat Phillip from
Hastings? He got busted selling
those mock Louis V’s -- they hit
him with a fuckin’ felony.

MO
It’s not an actual crime! I’m
stealing from Kanye - he doesn’t
give a fuck. He’s busy making
moccasins for NASA or some shit.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 22A.


MARIA
I don’t care about Kanye, I care
about you. You can get in trouble.

MO
Oh you care about him... you voted
for him.

NICK
(incredulous)
You voted for Kanye?

MARIA
(defensive)
He’s a free-thinker! He was the
only one that wasn’t bought out by
wall street. A self-made man.

NICK
Wow. You’re the blackest person I
know. You vaccinated?

MARIA
(ignoring)
Listen, I used to dream about
voting before I became a citizen.
Then when I did... I realized all
the options suck. So yeah -- Kanye.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 23.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a strip mall parking lot, hustler Mo charms buyers with convincing fake designer goods. Despite Nick's warnings about legal risks, Mo remains unfazed. Nazeer handles a dispute over the phone, while Maria admires a fake Chanel purse. Mo sells Yeezys and a purse to Jim, and the group ends the day sharing breakfast at a local Houston diner.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Well-developed characters
  • Blend of drama and comedy
Weaknesses
  • Potential ethical implications of selling counterfeit goods may not resonate with all audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, entertaining, and effectively showcases Mo's entrepreneurial spirit and the dynamics between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of selling counterfeit goods and the ethical dilemma it presents is intriguing and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Mo's sales pitch and the potential consequences of his actions, keeping the audience interested in the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of entrepreneurship and the challenges of selling counterfeit goods. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own unique traits and motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it does reveal more about Mo's entrepreneurial mindset and his relationships with other characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal in this scene is to make a successful sale and provide for himself and his family. This reflects his deeper need for financial stability and success in his entrepreneurial endeavors.

External Goal: 7

Mo's external goal in this scene is to sell the Yeezys and Chanel purse to Jim. This reflects the immediate challenge of convincing a potential customer to make a purchase.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present, mainly centered around the ethical dilemma of selling counterfeit goods.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Jim's reluctance to make a purchase and Maria's concerns about the legality of selling counterfeit goods. These obstacles create tension and conflict, driving the scene forward.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, with the potential consequences of selling counterfeit goods looming in the background.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Mo's entrepreneurial endeavors and setting up potential conflicts for future development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Mo's sales pitch and the characters' reactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of selling counterfeit goods and the moral implications of deceiving customers. This challenges Mo's values and beliefs about the nature of his business.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene leans more towards humor and light-heartedness rather than deep emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic characters, witty dialogue, and high stakes. The interactions between Mo, Jim, and Maria keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character development. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction and purpose. It seems to meander without a strong central conflict or resolution.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially the interactions between Mo and potential customers. It could benefit from more authentic and engaging conversations.
  • The transition between Mo selling the Yeezys to Jim and then offering the Chanel purse feels abrupt and disjointed. It could be smoother and more seamless.
  • The character dynamics between Mo, Maria, and Nick are interesting but could be further developed to create more depth and tension in the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the central conflict and goal of the scene to give it a stronger narrative drive.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on character motivations and dynamics.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different interactions and plot points to create a more cohesive flow.
  • Further develop the relationships between Mo, Maria, and Nick to add depth and complexity to the scene.
  • Consider adding more visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and keep the audience visually engaged.



Scene 7 - Clash of Values: Counterfeit Quandary
MO
And once I’m a citizen, I won’t
sell this shit. But right now this
is the only work I can get.

NICK
Stop acting goofy, man. My boy’s *
got room at Frenchy’s Chicken ‘til *
your case comes through. *

MO
I make way more money with this and *
I can’t get fired. *

Nick swallows a bite, then:

NICK
What good is that money if you get *
locked up? *
(beat) *
Maria, you know how me and this guy *
became brothers? His dad died the *
same year my pops went to jail. *

Nick lifts his left arm sleeve up to reveal a tattoo that
says “CHETACHI”.

NICK (CONT’D)
We got tats with our dads’ names.

MARIA
I didn’t know you had one like
Mo...

NICK
I guess he forgot to tell you.
He prolly also forgot that he used
to drive with me to visit my pops.
(leaning in to Mo)
He definitely forgot what the
inside of that jail was like.

MO
Chill man! I’m not goin’ to jail.

NICK
Yeah, they might send you back to
Palestine first.
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 24.


MO
Back? I’ve never been. I’m not a
citizen there, or here -- nowhere.
I don’t even have a passport. All I
got is my asylum claim and a bunch
of Gucci bags.

MARIA
(switching gears)
A bunch? You got any leather-minis?

MO
I need to take care of my family
today. They’re relying on me. I’m
gonna do what I have to ‘till I can
start my own business, buy some
land... do things the right way.

NICK
All I’m saying is you’re doing the
one thing that could kill your
whole case.
(beat)
And I’m not tryna get a Mo tattoo.

MARIA
He’s right Mo... and you’d do
terrible in jail.

MO
What are you talking about? I’d be
amazing. I’d form alliances
instantly.

MARIA
Aw, baby... no. You’re too
sensitive.

NICK
(nodding)
You’re a big dude but... you’re
actually a small dude, you feel?

Maria lifts Mo’s sleeve, looking at his MUSTAFA tattoo. ON *
Mo’s face, insulted and concerned...
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 25.

1.15 INT. SUPERMARKET - EVENING 1.15

CLOSE ON hands grabbing a large bag of MEOW MUNCH CAT FOOD
off a shelf. The brand’s logo is a cartoon cat smiling wide.

REVEAL Mo, carrying the bag on his shoulder. He passes a
white SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE at a SAMPLE TABLE.

SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE
Hi, sir. Care to try some chocolate
hummus?

Mo stops dead in his tracks. Eyes the “hummus” and pita bread
samples.

MO
What did you just say to me?
Chocolate hummus?

Mo pulls out his small bottle of olive oil and pours some out
to dip the pita in. Explaining matter-of-factly as he eats:

MO (CONT’D)
See, this is the problem. First the
West goes to war with Arabs, then
it steals from them.

SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE
Sir, what are you doing? --

MO
It’s not enough to bomb us, you
gotta debase our culture too?

SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE
Sir, the pita is for the hummus --

MO
This isn’t hummus, okay? Hummus
doesn’t come in candy flavors.
(MORE)
GOLDENROD DRAFT - 12/10/21 26.
MO (CONT’D)
This is dip in brown face, that’s
what this is.
(looks down at his collar)
Is that an oil stain?

Mo’s inspecting the stain when suddenly -- POP POP POP --

BLOOD SPLATTERS on his shirt. WTF?? The employee SCREAMS in
horror.

Mo looks at the bag of Meow Munch. The cartoon cat’s covered
in blood as food pellets pour from a hole in its eye.

The screen goes BLACK.

END OF EPISODE
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Mo's determination to sell counterfeit goods clashes with Nick's warnings about the legal risks, while Maria shares Nick's concerns. Despite reminders of their shared past and the potential consequences for his asylum case, Mo remains adamant. Meanwhile, a seemingly innocuous encounter with a supermarket employee over chocolate hummus escalates into a violent outburst due to a burst-open cat food can splattering blood. The scene ends abruptly, leaving Mo's fate uncertain.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential for cliched dialogue in some interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and internal struggle faced by Mo, setting up a compelling conflict for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young man resorting to illegal activities to support his family in a challenging environment is engaging and offers a unique perspective on survival.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Mo makes decisions that could have significant consequences for his future, adding depth to his character and setting up potential conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on cultural identity, family dynamics, and societal challenges. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Mo and Nick, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and conflicting motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Mo experiences internal conflict and is forced to confront the potential consequences of his actions, leading to a subtle but significant change in his mindset.

Internal Goal: 8

Mo's internal goal is to provide for his family and eventually start his own business. This reflects his deeper desire for stability, success, and independence.

External Goal: 7

Mo's external goal is to make money through his current job to support his family and future business endeavors. This reflects the immediate challenge of financial security and legal status.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Mo's desire to support his family and the risks of his illegal activities creates a palpable tension that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs, values, and goals. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' fates, adding suspense and drama to the story.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Mo's situation, including the risk of legal trouble and the need to support his family, create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and dilemmas for the characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations, unexpected plot twists, and emotional revelations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters' decisions will impact the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing perspectives on risk-taking, loyalty, and cultural identity. Mo's willingness to take risks clashes with Nick and Maria's concerns about his safety and legal status.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and concern for Mo's well-being, as well as empathy for his difficult circumstances.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and realistic, effectively conveying the tension and dynamics between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, emotional depth, and thematic complexity. The tension and conflict between the characters keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character dynamics, and advancing the plot. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and action descriptions. The dialogue is properly formatted, enhancing readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure with clear character motivations and conflicts. The dialogue and action sequences flow smoothly, engaging the audience and advancing the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose, jumping between different topics and conflicts without a cohesive thread.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially the conversation about chocolate hummus and cultural appropriation.
  • The transition from a serious discussion about Mo's legal risks to a comedic interaction in the supermarket feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The emotional depth of the scene is overshadowed by the scattered nature of the dialogue and actions.
  • The scene could benefit from more subtlety and nuance in exploring Mo's internal struggles and external conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue to focus on one central conflict or theme, such as Mo's internal dilemma about his illegal activities and their consequences.
  • Integrate the supermarket interaction more smoothly into the overall narrative, ensuring it adds depth to Mo's character rather than feeling like a random event.
  • Enhance the emotional resonance of the scene by delving deeper into Mo's motivations and fears, allowing the audience to connect with his struggles on a deeper level.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and backgrounds.
  • Work on creating a more cohesive and impactful ending that leaves a lasting impression on the audience and ties back to the overarching themes of the screenplay.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

mo

Mo is a charismatic and quick-witted individual who uses humor to navigate challenging situations. He is torn between his family responsibilities and personal ambitions, leading to internal conflicts. Mo is resourceful, determined, and fiercely loyal to his friends and family. His speaking style is casual and conversational, often incorporating humor, sarcasm, slang, and cultural references to connect with others. Despite his playful demeanor, Mo's actions reveal a deep sense of responsibility and determination.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
mo Mo starts off as a charismatic hustler using his wit to navigate challenging situations and make easy money. However, as he is torn between his family responsibilities and personal ambitions, he begins to question his choices and values. Through a series of conflicts and self-reflection, Mo ultimately decides to leave behind his illegal activities and focus on supporting his family through legitimate means, using his resourcefulness and determination to build a better future. The character arc for Mo is well-developed, showcasing his internal struggles and growth throughout the screenplay. However, there could be more depth added to his conflicts and motivations, as well as more opportunities for character development and emotional moments to further engage the audience. To improve the character arc, consider delving deeper into Mo's backstory and the reasons behind his initial involvement in illegal activities. Explore his relationships with his family members and how they influence his decisions. Additionally, provide more moments of vulnerability and self-reflection for Mo to showcase his internal struggles and growth more effectively.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
High Tension Scenes Drive Overall GradeScenes with a tense tone consistently scored higher overall, suggesting that the author's ability to create a sense of tension positively impacts the quality of the screenplay.
Strong Emotional Impact Elevates Dialogue and CharacterizationScenes with a high emotional impact tended to score higher in dialogue and characterization, indicating that the author effectively uses emotional moments to enhance these elements.
Character Changes Align with High StakesScenes that contained significant character changes often had higher stakes, suggesting that the author skillfully uses moments of tension to drive character growth.
Scenes Lacking High Stakes May Hinder Story ProgressionScenes with low stakes tended to score lower in moving the story forward, indicating that the author may need to consider adding more urgency to certain scenes to maintain narrative momentum.
Playful and Sarcastic Tones Hinder Character DevelopmentScenes with a playful or sarcastic tone generally scored lower in characterization, suggesting that the author should be mindful of using these tones excessively as they may overshadow character depth.
Emotional Moments Correspond with Higher ConflictScenes with a high emotional impact often featured higher levels of conflict, implying that the author effectively uses emotional tension to escalate dramatic situations.
Sentimental Scenes Boost Overall ImpactScenes with a sentimental tone scored higher overall, indicating that the author's ability to evoke nostalgia and emotional resonance positively affects the screenplay's impact on the reader.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The writer has a strong grasp of character development, dialogue, and narrative pacing. The scenes showcase a unique voice and an ability to blend humor, drama, and cultural commentary effectively. The screenplay effectively conveys the emotional stakes, cultural authenticity, and social issues faced by the characters. With consistent effort and targeted improvements in specific areas, the writer can further enhance the screenplay's impact and storytelling prowess.

Key Improvement Areas

Dialogue
The dialogue in several scenes could benefit from greater nuance, wit, and authenticity. Enhancing the dialogue will bring the characters to life and elevate the screenplay's overall impact.
Pacing
Some scenes could benefit from tighter pacing to maintain audience engagement. Refining the pacing will ensure a smooth flow of events and avoid any unnecessary drag in the narrative.
Subtext and Symbolism
Exploring the use of subtext and symbolism in the screenplay can add depth and complexity to the storytelling. Incorporating these elements will enhance the emotional and thematic resonance of the scenes.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Screenplay Read 'The Big Sick' screenplay by Kumail Nanjiani and Emily V. Gordon. This screenplay effectively balances humor, drama, and cultural authenticity, offering valuable insights into dialogue, character development, and pacing.
Exercise Practice writing dialogue-heavy scenes with conflicting character motivations and emotional depth.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will help enhance the writer's skills in creating dynamic characters and authentic dialogue interactions.
Book Read 'Story' by Robert McKee. This book provides a comprehensive guide to storytelling techniques, structure, and character development, offering valuable insights for improving the screenplay's overall narrative.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
Baghdad Central This Iraqi television drama follows the story of a family during the Gulf War, as they are forced to flee their home and seek refuge in a refugee camp.
The Kite Runner This novel tells the story of two boys growing up in Afghanistan during the Soviet-Afghan War and the Taliban regime.
Homeland This American television series follows the story of a CIA officer who suspects that a returning war veteran has been turned into an al-Qaeda sleeper agent.
The Farewell This film tells the story of a Chinese-American family who decides to keep their grandmother's terminal cancer diagnosis a secret from her.
The Great Escape This film tells the story of a group of Allied prisoners of war who plan a mass escape from a German POW camp during World War II.
The Longest Day This film tells the story of the D-Day invasion of Normandy, France during World War II.
Saving Private Ryan This film tells the story of a group of American soldiers who are sent on a mission to rescue a paratrooper who is trapped behind enemy lines during World War II.
The Hurt Locker This film tells the story of a group of American soldiers who are assigned to a bomb disposal unit during the Iraq War.
American Sniper This film tells the story of Chris Kyle, a Navy SEAL sniper who served four tours of duty in the Iraq War.
The Post This film tells the story of the Washington Post's investigation into the Pentagon Papers, which revealed the United States government's secret history of the Vietnam War.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
The RefugeeThe Najjar family is gezwungen to flee Kuwait City during the Iraqi invasion. They must leave behind their home, belongings, and friends. This is a common experience for refugees around the world.This trope is often used to show the hardships that refugees face, such as discrimination, persecution, and poverty. It can also be used to raise awareness of the plight of refugees and to encourage people to help them.
The Hidden TreasureThe Najjar family hides their valuables in secret compartments of clothing and accessories.This trope is often used to create suspense and excitement. It can also be used to show the characters' resourcefulness and determination.
The Innocent BystanderMo, Sameer, Nadia, and Yusra are all innocent bystanders who are caught up in the Iraqi invasion.This trope is often used to show the randomness and brutality of war. It can also be used to create sympathy for the victims of war.
The Good SamaritanA superior officer intervenes and helps the Najjar family during their ordeal.This trope is often used to show that even in the darkest of times, there are still people who are willing to help others. It can also be used to create hope and inspiration.
The UnderdogMo is an underdog who is trying to make a living in a tough world.This trope is often used to create sympathy for the protagonist and to make the audience root for them. It can also be used to show the power of perseverance and determination.
The Con ManMo is a con man who sells counterfeit goods to make a living.This trope is often used to create suspense and excitement. It can also be used to show the characters' moral dilemmas and their willingness to break the law.
The CriminalMo is involved in criminal activities, such as selling counterfeit goods.This trope is often used to create suspense and excitement. It can also be used to show the characters' moral dilemmas and their willingness to break the law.
The RebelMo is a rebel who is willing to break the rules in order to do what he thinks is right.This trope is often used to create sympathy for the protagonist and to make the audience root for them. It can also be used to show the power of perseverance and determination.
The Hero's JourneyMo's story follows the classic hero's journey, in which he must overcome challenges and obstacles in order to achieve his goals.This trope is often used to create a sense of adventure and excitement. It can also be used to show the protagonist's growth and development.
The Coming-of-Age StoryMo's story is a coming-of-age story, in which he must learn to make his own decisions and take responsibility for his actions.This trope is often used to show the protagonist's growth and development. It can also be used to explore themes of identity, belonging, and purpose.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Family and BelongingThe importance of family and the sacrifices made for their well-being, as seen in the Najjar family's flight from Kuwait and Mo's determination to protect his family's wealth.The screenplay emphasizes the strong bonds of family and the lengths individuals will go to protect and provide for their loved ones.
Strengthening Family and Belonging:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Dialogue - Scene 1 Incorporate dialogue between family members expressing their fears and hopes for the future as they prepare to leave Kuwait. This will establish a strong sense of family unity and their shared experiences.
Action - Scene 2 Add a scene where Mo proactively takes actions to protect his family during the chaotic bus journey. This will emphasize his sense of responsibility and his unwavering commitment to their well-being.
Visual - Scene 3 Include visual cues throughout the screenplay that symbolize the family's connection to their home and culture. This could include objects, customs, or traditions that evoke a sense of belonging and shared history.
Character Arc Develop Mo's internal struggle between his desire for independence and his responsibility towards his family. This will create a compelling character arc that highlights the complexities of family relationships.
Story Arc Introduce a subplot that explores the theme of family and belonging outside of the immediate Najjar family. This could involve interactions with other characters who are also navigating issues of displacement, identity, and connection.
Identity and Cultural ConflictThe struggle to maintain one's cultural identity while navigating a new environment, as seen in Mo's experiences as an Iraqi immigrant in the United States.The screenplay explores the challenges and complexities of navigating different cultures and the impact it has on individuals' sense of self.
War and its ConsequencesThe devastating effects of war and its impact on individuals and families, as seen in the Najjar family's flight from Kuwait.The screenplay depicts the horrors and tragedies of war, highlighting its lasting impact on those who experience it.
Cultural Assimilation and American DreamThe pursuit of the American Dream and the challenges faced by immigrants trying to assimilate into a new culture.The screenplay examines the aspirations and struggles of immigrants as they navigate the obstacles and opportunities of a new country.
Plight of RefugeesThe struggles faced by refugees who are forced to flee their homes and seek refuge in a new country.The screenplay sheds light on the challenges and vulnerabilities of refugees, highlighting the need for compassion and support.
Survival and ResilienceThe determination of individuals to overcome adversity and rebuild their lives, as seen in Mo's journey as an immigrant.The screenplay emphasizes the human spirit's ability to persevere and find strength in the face of challenges.
Cultural AppropriationThe issue of cultural appropriation and the importance of respecting different cultures.The screenplay briefly explores the topic of cultural appropriation, raising awareness about the sensitivity and significance of cultural practices.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by authentic dialogue, vivid descriptions, and a focus on family dynamics. The prose is lyrical and evocative, with a strong sense of place and a deep understanding of the immigrant experience.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a rich and immersive world for the characters and allowing the audience to connect with them on a deep level. The authentic dialogue and vivid descriptions bring the characters to life, and the focus on family dynamics adds depth and emotional resonance to the story.
Best Representation Scene 5 - A Deal in the Hookah Lounge
Best Scene Explanation Scene 5 is the best representative of the writer's voice because it perfectly captures the blend of humor, pathos, and cultural specificity that is характерно for the script. The dialogue between Mo and his family is authentic and emotionally resonant, and the description of the food is both evocative and humorous.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 9
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay offers a fresh and original take on various themes such as survival, family dynamics, cultural identity, and societal challenges. Each scene presents unique perspectives and conflicts that add depth to the narrative. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the screenplay.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the family's struggle to escape and survive during the Gulf War, Mo's interactions with Abood Rahman in the phone store, and the cultural conflicts within the family dynamic.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 8
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a high level of unpredictability by introducing fresh perspectives and conflicts in each scene. The audience is kept engaged and surprised by the characters' decisions and the unfolding of events. The originality of the screenplay contributes to its overall unpredictability.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThe protagonist's internal goals revolve around protecting his family and ensuring their safety, maintaining financial stability, and asserting his independence.
External Goals The protagonist's external goals include escaping Kuwait and reaching safety in Houston, avoiding detection by soldiers, securing his job despite legal issues, and finding new sources of income.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around responsibilities, individuality, and ethics in challenging circumstances.


Character Development Contribution: The goals and conflicts push the protagonist to evolve, challenging his beliefs, actions, and relationships, leading to growth and self-discovery.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The goals and conflicts drive the narrative forward, creating tension, conflict, and resolution that propel the story and engage the audience in the protagonist's journey.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts deepen the thematic exploration of family, ethics, identity, and survival, adding layers of complexity and resonance to the screenplay's narrative and characters.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay depicts a world of chaos and danger, from the war-torn streets of Kuwait during the Gulf War to the urban hustle of Alief, TX. The physical environments range from cluttered homes to strip mall parking lots, reflecting the characters' struggles and economic challenges.
  • Culture: The cultural elements in the screenplay are diverse and rich, with characters speaking Arabic, Spanish, and English. There are references to different cultural backgrounds, religious differences, and historical events, adding depth to the world and characters.
  • Society: The societal structures in the screenplay vary from oppressive regimes in Iraq to the struggles of immigrants in the US. Family dynamics, economic hardships, and societal challenges shape the characters' interactions and decisions, highlighting the complexities of their lives.
  • Technology: The technological aspects in the screenplay range from soldering electronic components in Kuwait to selling counterfeit goods in Alief, TX. The use of technology reflects the characters' resourcefulness, struggles, and aspirations in different settings.
  • Characters influence: The unique physical environments, cultural elements, societal structures, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions in the screenplay. From fleeing war-torn countries to navigating immigrant challenges, the characters' decisions are influenced by their world and the obstacles they face.
  • Narrative contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the narrative by creating a rich and immersive setting for the characters' stories. The physical environments, cultural elements, societal structures, and technology add depth and complexity to the plot, driving the characters' journeys and conflicts.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the thematic depth by exploring themes of family, identity, resilience, and survival in the face of adversity. The physical environments, cultural elements, societal structures, and technology provide a backdrop for the characters' struggles and growth, adding layers of meaning to the story.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The central conflict driving the narrative is Mo's struggle to balance his desire to provide for his family with the need to avoid legal trouble and protect his asylum status.

primary motivations

Mo's primary motivations are to support his family financially, prove his worthiness, and honor his father's memory.

catalysts

Key catalysts pushing the narrative forward include Mo's father's death, the discovery of his secret stash of money, and his subsequent decision to sell counterfeit goods.

barriers

Major barriers preventing Mo's objectives include the legal risks associated with selling counterfeit goods, his fear of disappointing his family, and his own moral reservations.

themes

Central themes linked to the story's engine are the importance of family, the struggle for identity, and the conflict between personal ambition and societal expectations.

stakes

What's at stake in the narrative is Mo's ability to achieve financial stability, maintain his legal status, and ultimately fulfill his father's legacy.

uniqueness factor

The uniqueness factor that differentiates this story from others is its exploration of the moral complexities and personal consequences of selling counterfeit goods.

audience hook

The main audience hook that will keep viewers engaged is the tension between Mo's desire to support his family and achieve success and the potential risks and consequences he faces along the way.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The paradoxical engine or concept of bisociation in this story is the juxtaposition of Mo's determination to provide for his family and his fear of disappointing them by breaking the law.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

An alternative paradoxical engine or bisociation could be the conflict between Mo's desire for financial stability and his moral reservations about selling counterfeit goods.


Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The 'Mo' screenplay presents a compelling protagonist and a unique perspective on the immigrant experience, blending humor and drama with cultural commentary. However, the script requires further development to address pacing issues, character arcs, and plot inconsistencies. Exploring Mo's internal struggles and the cultural complexities he faces would enhance the narrative's depth and impact.

Strengths
  • The opening scenes effectively establish the family's history and Mo's resourceful nature, setting the stage for his character arc. high ( Scene 1.1  Scene 1.2  Scene 1.3  )
  • Mo's interactions with his coworkers and friends showcase his humor and wit, adding a comedic element to the script. medium ( Scene 1.7  Scene 1.11  )
  • The screenplay's dialogue is natural and engaging, capturing the cultural nuances and humor of the characters. high
  • Mo's sales pitch to Jim demonstrates his entrepreneurial spirit and ability to connect with people, highlighting his strengths and flaws. medium ( Scene 1.12  Scene 1.13  )
  • The Breakfast Klub scene delves deeper into Mo's motivations and the challenges he faces, adding emotional depth to his character. high ( Scene 1.14  )
Areas of Improvement
  • The screenplay's pacing could be improved, particularly in the middle section, where the narrative feels somewhat stagnant. medium
  • While Mo's family dynamics are intriguing, the interactions with his mother and brother often feel repetitive and could benefit from further development. medium ( Scene 1.8  Scene 1.9  Scene 1.10  )
  • Mo's decision to continue selling counterfeit goods despite the risks seems contradictory to his desire to support his family and could use more justification. high ( Scene 1.14  Scene 1.15  )
  • The ending feels abrupt and leaves several plot points unresolved, including the consequences of the supermarket incident and Mo's future. high
MissingElements
  • The screenplay would benefit from a stronger exploration of Mo's internal conflicts and his emotional journey as he navigates his identity and aspirations. high
  • There is an opportunity to delve deeper into the cultural clashes and societal pressures that Mo faces as a Palestinian refugee in America. medium
  • Exploring Maria's perspective and her relationship with Mo's family could add another layer to the story and provide a different viewpoint. medium
NotablePoints
  • The checkpoint scene showcases Yusra's quick thinking and Mo's ability to adapt under pressure, establishing their resilience. high ( Scene 1.5  )
  • The backgammon game between Aba and Nazeer provides a humorous commentary on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, adding a layer of cultural context. medium ( Scene 1.11  )
  • Nick's backstory and his tattoo parallel Mo's situation, emphasizing the importance of family and the impact of incarceration. high ( Scene 1.14  )

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Mo' is a compelling and well-crafted exploration of the immigrant experience, centering on the Najjar family's journey from Kuwait to Houston during the Gulf War and their subsequent struggles to establish a new life in the United States. The opening scenes effectively establish the high-stakes situation and emotional turmoil faced by the family, while the later scenes delve into the complex family dynamics and the personal challenges each character must navigate. While the narrative could benefit from a more seamless integration between the past and present timelines and a more nuanced approach to certain social commentary, the screenplay overall demonstrates strong character development and a multifaceted exploration of the challenges and sacrifices inherent in the immigrant experience.

Strengths
  • The opening scenes effectively establish the Najjar family's tense and urgent situation as they hurriedly pack and escape Kuwait during the Gulf War. The details of their actions and the emotional stakes are vividly portrayed. high ( Scene 1  Scene 2  )
  • The dialogue and interactions between Mo and his family members, particularly Yusra and Sameer, provide insight into the characters' personalities and the family dynamics. These scenes humanize the characters and make them relatable. medium ( Scene 3  Scene 4  )
  • The screenplay effectively blends drama, humor, and social commentary, creating a multifaceted narrative that explores the immigrant experience and the challenges faced by the Najjar family. high
Areas of Improvement
  • The transition from the Gulf War scenes to the present-day storyline feels abrupt and could benefit from a more seamless integration to maintain the narrative flow. medium ( Scene 5  Scene 6  )
  • The dialogue in certain scenes, particularly the heated discussions between Mo and his friends, feels a bit heavy-handed in its social commentary. A more nuanced approach could make these moments more impactful. medium ( Scene 7  )
MissingElements
  • While the screenplay effectively explores the Najjar family's experiences, it could benefit from a more developed understanding of the broader social and political context that shapes their lives as immigrants and asylum-seekers. medium
NotablePoints
  • The creative use of details, such as the hidden compartments in Yusra's belongings and Mo's clever ruse to distract the Iraqi soldier, adds depth and realism to the characters' efforts to escape. high ( Scene 1  Scene 2  )
  • The exploration of the complex relationship between Mo and his family, particularly his mother Yusra and brother Sameer, provides nuanced character development and highlights the challenges of maintaining cultural identity in a new country. high ( Scene 8  Scene 9  )

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay 'Mo' combines humor, cultural richness, and a compelling portrayal of immigrant life to create a narrative that is both entertaining and enlightening. While it excels in character dialogue and cultural authenticity, it requires clearer narrative structure and more developed character arcs to fully realize its potential.

Strengths
  • Strong opening scenes with vivid descriptions that effectively set the historical and emotional context. high ( Scene 1.1  Scene 1.2  )
  • Effective tension and stakes during the checkpoint scene, showcasing family dynamics under pressure. high ( Scene 1.5  )
  • Engaging dialogue that reveals character depth and relationships, particularly in the diner scene. medium ( Scene 1.14  )
  • Good use of cultural references and humor to enrich the narrative and character interactions. medium
  • Mo's entrepreneurial spirit and adaptability are well-highlighted in his interactions with customers. medium ( Scene 1.13  )
Areas of Improvement
  • Needs more clarity in the overarching narrative structure and pacing to enhance engagement. high
  • Character arcs need deeper exploration and resolution, especially for supporting characters. medium
  • Some scenes feel slightly disconnected from the main plot, requiring tighter integration. medium
  • Increase the stakes or introduce additional conflict to heighten drama and viewer investment. medium
  • Explore more unique settings within the cultural context to enhance the visual and thematic richness. low
MissingElements
  • Lacks a clear antagonist or opposing force, which could heighten the central conflict. high
  • Missing backstories for key characters that could deepen viewer connection and understanding. medium
  • Could benefit from more subplots to enrich the main narrative and provide additional layers of conflict. medium
  • Needs more dramatic turning points to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged. medium
  • Additional scenes showing cultural integration challenges could enhance the realism and relatability. low
NotablePoints
  • The screenplay effectively uses humor and cultural nuances to create a unique voice. high
  • Strong sense of place and community that resonates through the setting descriptions and character interactions. medium
  • Dialogue is sharp and often serves multiple purposes, revealing character while advancing the plot. medium
  • Creative use of music and cultural references that enhance the storytelling and atmosphere. low
  • The screenplay's portrayal of immigrant experiences is both authentic and empathetic, providing a strong emotional core. high
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
1Mustafa: Habibi, Allah made you a strong and clever boy. Now you must use those gifts as a man. You are young, but not a child anymore. The family needs you. Can I depend on you?
2Young Mo: Please, sir! Don’t take my Ninja Turtles! She didn’t know they were there!
3Mo: Don’t talk about my girl’s hands!
4Mo: You know nuns wear hijabs, right? They got OG hijabs.
7Mo: I need to take care of my family today. They’re relying on me. I’m gonna do what I have to ‘till I can start my own business, buy some land... do things the right way.