INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT TERMINAL - BAY
CLOSE ON A FACE. A nine year old boy, YOUNG COLE, his eyes wide
with wonder. watching something intently. We HEAR the sounds of
the P.A. SYSTEM droning Flight Information mingled with the
sounds of urgent SHOUTS, running FEET, EXCLAMATIONS.
2
INT. FIRST UNDERGROUND DECONTAMINATION CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT
ROARING WATER, powerful torrents gushing from nozzles in the
wall, pummel the still-suited COLE.
INT. SECOND UNDERGROUND DECONTAMINATION CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT
Stark naked and shivering, COLE is being scrubbed with brushes on
3
INT. ART GALLERY - NIGHT
A strikingly "real" world of bright colors. Extravagant paintings
adorn the walls. A POET, tiny and ruddy faced, squints over his
glasses as he reads in a booming voice to an AUDIENCE of thirty
seated on folding chairs.
4
INT. ISOLATION CELL
COLE stares at RAILLY. The environment is intensely real...vivid
colors...each sound, however slight, very distinct, almost loud...
and yet she appears to him almost like a vision.
RAILLY
5
INT. POLICE STATION CORRIDOR - MORNING
COLE, bound tightly by the strait-jacket, heavy manacles on his
ankles, is being escorted down the corridor by two surly POLICEMEN.
COLE
Where are you taking me?
6
INT. PSYCH WARD CONFERENCE ROOM - MINUTES LATER (DAY)
COLE is agitated, speaking forcefully.
COLE
This is a place for crazy people! I'm
not crazy!
7
INT. LOW RENT APARTMENT - DAY
Four little KIDS SCREAM and SQUABBLE while the phone CHIRPS
insistently in the tiny, cluttered apartment and a harried MOTHER
lunges for the phone, answers sharply...
MOTHER
8
INT. WARD DAYROOM - MORNING
ANGLE ON TV SCREEN/A VIDEO IMAGE OF A LAB MONKEY, convulsing
pathetically, a victim of shocks from the numerous wires attached
to his tiny, restrained body.
ANGLE ON COLE, sitting, writing intensely in a magazine with
9
INT. CORRIDOR/COUNTY HOSPITAL
Stepping through the door, COLE finds himself in an ante-room
facing several elevators.
A uniformed SECURITY MAN sitting at a near-by desk doesn't even
lock up from the magazine he's reading.
10
INT. CORRIDOR/PSYCH WARD - MOMENTS LATER (DAY)
DR. FLETCHER looks into an empty padded cell as RAILLY, MARTIN,
GOODIN, BILLINGS, PALMER and the NURSE crowd behind him.
DR. FLETCHER
He was in full restraints? And the
11
INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE - ETERNAL NIGHT OF THE FUTURE
COLE comes awake with a start. The room is dark now, except...
a slide is being projected on a torn screen. It's a picture of a
stenciled graffiti...the logo of The Army of the 12 Monkeys.
ENGINEER
12
INT. LAB - ETERNAL NIGHT OF THE FUTURE
COLE is strapped on a gurney. SCIENTISTS hover near-by,
whispering. The walls of the gloomy chamber are damp, sweating.
GEOLOGIST
No mistakes this time, Cole.
13
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - NIGHT
Stunningly quiet. We are on a placid campus looking at the
dignified architecture of Breitrose Hall. MOVING IN we FOCUS ON
a large poster advertising "The Alexander Lectures, Spring 1995".
WE SKIM the listings (Jon Else on The Nuclear Agony, Dr. Andrew
14
INT. RECEPTION ROOM - AN HOUR LATER (NIGHT)
A stack of new books. THE DOOMSDAY SYNDROME, Apocalyptic
Visions of the Mentally Ill by Dr. Kathryn Railly
Surrounded by enthusiastic members of the audience, RAILLY is
seated at the table signing books but DR. PETERS has her ear.
15
EXT. FREEWAY - NIGHT
The Acura veers up the ramp and onto the freeway.
INT. ACURA/FREEWAY - NIGHT
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
RAILLY glances in the mirror, sees COLE settling back wearily
16
EXT. MOTEL CORRIDOR - MORNING
COLE puzzles over a junk food vending machine, inserts coins
tentatively.
INT. MOTEL ROOM
ANGLE ON TV, the picture of RAILLY filling the screen.
17
EXT. SKID ROW STREET/PHILADELPHIA - DAY
An elderly EVANGELIST with long stringy hair, wearing a tattered
bathrobe, stands on a Skid Row corner WAVING a worn Bible as he
rants at disinterested DERELICTS, WINOS, and BAG LADIES.
EVANGELIST
18
EXT. VACANT LOT - MOMENTS LATER (DAY)
CRACKHEADS huddle against a building, sucking their pipes,
oblivious to COLE pulling RAILLY past.
COLE scans the walls for messages in the confusion of graffiti.
RAILLY is considering her surroundings dubiously when, suddenly,
19
EXT. SECOND AVE - DAY
The EVANGELIST, spotting COLE and RAILLY hurrying past him,
points urgently at COLE.
EVANGELIST
You! You! You're one of us, aren't you?
20
INT. FAA STORE BASEMENT - TWENTY MINUTES LATER (DAY)
The three ACTIVISTS are tied tightly together in the middle of
the floor in this dimly-lit, windowless basement. They're very
frightened, eager to cooperate.
FALE
21
EXT. FREEWAY - AFTERNOON
In the crawling traffic, WE FIND a battered FORD covered with
bumper stickers and painted slogans. "I BRAKE FOR ANIMALS"...
"FREE THE ANIMALS"..."WOULD YOU LET A MINK WEAR YOUR SKIN?"
RAILLY (v.o.)
22
INT. PARKED FORD/GAS STATION - MINUTES LATER (AFTERNOON)
The GAS STATION ATTENDANT checks the oil while COLE and RAILLY
remain in the car. She's pulling a gas card from her wallet.
COLE
You were going to run out off gas on
23
INT. HALLWAY/MASON MANSION
The conversation continues as JEFFREY and AGENT #3 enter the hall.
AGENT #3
Normally if we caught a guy sneaking
around like this with no I.D., we'd
24
INT. HALLWAY/MASON MANSION
GUESTS pouring from the dining room into the hall meet JEFFREY
and a very disconcerted COLE.
JEFFREY
Hey, nice ta see ya. Lookin' good! Hi,
25
INT. FOYER/MASON MANSION
COLE heads for the front door, but there's an AGENT there! COLE
turns and limps madly toward the dining room, pushing his way
through the crowd of amazed GUESTS.
INT. DINING ROOM/MASON MANSION
26
EXT. WOODS - LATER (NIGHT)
A weather forecast BLARES from the radio of the steaming Jaguar,
crumpled into a tree, the driver's door open.
A POLICE OFFICER, pistol drawn, approaches the car cautiously, as
OTHER OFFICERS and AGENTS stay behind trees, weapons ready.
27
INT. POLICE STATION OFFICE - MORNING
RAILLY is being "debriefed" by POLICE OFFICERS and FBI AGENTS.
RAILLY
Then I said something to him about
cooperating and he said he would do
28
INT. "HOSPITAL" ROOM - ETERNAL NIGHT
VOICES! SINGING! COLE blinks awake, looks around, confused, then
stares in disbelief....
Crowded around COLE'S bed, the SCIENTISTS are concluding a
ragged, out of tune, rendition of "BLUEBERRY HILL."
29
INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY
CLOSE ON KATHRYN RAILLY, insisting fiercely to someone,
RAILLY
He not only used the word "prank" -- he
said the boy was hiding in a barn.
30
INT. RAILLY'S BEDROOM - MORNING
RAILLY'S in bed, asleep, having a very bad dream. Suddenly, the
bedside phone RINGS. Her eyes snap open. A beat to orient
herself. RING. She reaches for the phone.
INTERCUT LIEUTENANT HALPERIN'S OFFICE/RAILLY'S BEDROOM
31
INT. DR. MASON'S OFFICE - DAY
Standing in front of a wall of glass in his office, overlooking a
hi-tech lab below where WORKERS in white "space suits" work
methodically, DR. MASON speaks angrily into a phone. His male
ASSISTANT, whose features we don't see, stops writing a formula
32
INT. FAA STORE
FALE watches JEFFREY go over a check list while KWESKIN, SANDY,
and TEDDY organize materials, and BEN peeks out the small opening
between posters at the front window.
JEFFREY
33
INT. FAA STORE - DAY
ANGLE ON BEN, peeking out, reacting to the drama.
BEN
Wow, a guy in a Chevy is chasing her
and some other guy I can't see.
34
INT. BATHROOM
RAILLY'S VOICE (from the other room)
(rattling the door knob)
James, what are you doing?
WALLACE cowers back against the shower stall.
35
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE/MEN'S DEPARTMENT - 6:00 PM
RAILLY, whose sun glasses don't really hide her bruised eye, adds
a man's Hawaiian shirt to the pile of other men's things heaped
on a counter in front of a very suspicious CLERK.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
36
INT. MOVIE SCREEN/THEATER - NIGHT
Spooky BERNARD HERRMAN MUSIC, giant redwoods looming skyward.
It's DAYTIME in Muir Woods. SCOTTY (JAMES STEWART) AND MADELINE
(KIM NOVAK) walk toward a display of a cross cut section of a
redwood tree. We're watching Hitchcock's VERTIGO.
37
EXT. GORILLA'S PEN/ZOO - NIGHT
CLOSE ON A GORILLA, by moonlight, angry, a true nightmare vision.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
URGENT WHISPERS off screen, RUSTLING SOUNDS. Then, METAL ON METAL.
Only now are we aware that the GORILLA is in an outdoor zoo pen
38
INT. STORAGE ROOM/MOVIE THEATER
RAILLY and COLE are in a dimly lit cluttered storage room. She
kisses him hungrily amid the brooms, plastic trash barrels, other
janitorial items. COLE responds to her passion as they move
deeper into the room, its walls covered with old movie posters.
39
INT. TICKET COUNTER/AIRPORT TERMINAL - MORNING
CLOSY ON copies of the mug shot of COLE and a photo of RAILLY
while the airport P.A. SYSTEM DRONES in the b.g..
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
REVEAL a DETECTIVE, giving the flyers to the uniformed SUPERVISOR
40
INT. TICKET COUNTER - DAY
The Chicago Bulls bag! It's on the counter in front of the
TICKET AGENT who's reviewing a stack of tickets in awe...
TICKET AGENT
Woooo-eeee. San Francisco, New
41
INT. SECURITY CHECK POINT/TERMINAL - DAY
A young boy of nine passes through the magnetic arch grinning.
YOUNG COLE! Exactly as he appears in the dream!
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
He joins his PARENTS, who are only visible from their chests
42
INT. 747 CABIN - DAY
DR. PETERS closes the door to the overhead luggage rack
containing his Chicago Bulls bag and takes his seat. Next to
him, a FELLOW TRAVELER, unseen, says...
FELLOW TRAVELER'S VOICE (o.s.)
In a post-apocalyptic future, a convict is sent back in time to uncover the source of a deadly virus that wiped out most of humanity, but his quest to change the past leads him on a collision course with his own shattered psyche.
"This gripping screenplay captivates with an unparalleled blend of dystopian mystery, intricate character dynamics, and provocative themes. Experience a thrilling odyssey that delves into the depths of the human psyche, unraveling a web of deception, redemption, and the poignant search for purpose in a world on the brink of collapse. Its innovative storytelling techniques, distinctively flawed characters, and thought-provoking narrative will resonate deeply, leaving a lasting impact long after the final scene."
Setting: Present and past (1995)., United States (primarily Philadelphia and Baltimore).
Themes:Time Travel and its Consequences, The Nature of Reality and Identity, The Importance of Memory, The Dangers of Technology, The Power of Love
Conflict & Stakes: The conflict between Cole's desire to prevent the virus and the skepticism of the scientists, and the stakes are the survival of humanity.
Comparable Scripts:12 Monkeys (1995), La Jetée (1962), The Matrix (1999), Children of Men (2006), Looper (2012), Blade Runner (1982)
Script Level Analysis
WriterExec
This section delivers a top-level assessment of the screenplay’s strengths and weaknesses — covering overall quality (P/C/R/HR), character development, emotional impact, thematic depth, narrative inconsistencies, and the story’s core philosophical conflict. It helps identify what’s resonating, what needs refinement, and how the script aligns with professional standards.
Screenplay Insights
Breaks down your script along various categories.
Overall Score: 8.30
Story Critique
Big-picture feedback on the story’s clarity, stakes, cohesion, and engagement.
Characters
Explores the depth, clarity, and arc of the main and supporting characters.
Emotional Analysis
Breaks down the emotional journey of the audience across the script.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Evaluates character motivations, obstacles, and sources of tension throughout the plot.
Themes
Analysis of the themes of the screenplay and how well they’re expressed.
Logic & Inconsistencies
Highlights any contradictions, plot holes, or logic gaps that may confuse viewers.
Scene Analysis
🎬
Scoring changed — the 10-second version
Scenes now use the full 0–10 scale, so your numbers will look lower and more spread out than before. That's the new, smarter model being honest — not a verdict on your script.
0–2
not working
3–4
weak
5–6
functional ★
7–8
strong
9–10
exceptional
A 5 is fine. “Functional” (5–6) is a solid, professional scene — that's where most scenes sit. The scale rides low on purpose, so it has room to point down (where to fix) and up (what's working).
The table uses the same colors: warm = worth a look · neutral = fine · green = working. We re-scored our whole reference library the same way, so your percentile rankings stay a fair, apples-to-apples comparison.
All of your scenes analyzed individually and compared, so you can zero in on what to improve.
Scene-Level Percentile Chart
Hover over the graph to see more details about each score.
The screenplay excels in originality, unpredictability, and a strong concept but could improve in character development, plot execution, and formatting to fully harness its potential.
**High Concept and Stakes:** The screenplay excels in presenting a strong and engaging concept, with a high percentile ranking of 70. Additionally, the stakes of the story are well-defined and compelling, scoring 71.13.
**Unpredictability and Originality:** The screenplay ranks exceptionally high in unpredictability (96.34) and originality (86.53), suggesting that it offers fresh and surprising plot elements that will captivate audiences.
Areas for Improvement
**Plot Development:** While the concept is strong, the plot development could benefit from further refinement. The percentile ranking of 52.40 indicates that the pacing and structure of the plot may need attention to enhance its overall flow and impact.
**Character Development:** The characters have a relatively low percentile ranking of 13.20, suggesting that they may lack depth and relatability. Focusing on developing more nuanced and compelling characters will enhance the emotional connection with the audience.
**Dialogue and Formatting:** The screenplay's dialogue and formatting could also benefit from improvement. The percentile ranking of 32.80 for dialogue indicates that the conversations may need more naturalism and impact. Similarly, the formatting score of 39.90 suggests that the screenplay's presentation could be enhanced for better readability.
Writer Style
The percentile patterns indicate a potential for an **integrated writer's style**. While the screenplay has strengths in concept and originality, it also shows promise in character development and dialogue, suggesting a balance between conceptual and intuitive writing approaches.
Balancing Elements
To enhance the screenplay's overall effectiveness, the writer could consider balancing the high unpredictability and originality with a more cohesive plot structure and stronger character development.
Improving the dialogue and formatting would also contribute to a more engaging and polished screenplay.
Intuition Level
Integrated
Overall Assessment
The screenplay has a strong foundation with its high-concept premise and unpredictable plot, but it would benefit from further development in characterization, dialogue, and overall structure. By addressing these areas, the writer can refine the screenplay's potential for creating a compelling and immersive cinematic experience.
How this was done: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault
(such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other
produced scripts for each criteria.
How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library
Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
This section looks at the extra spark — your story’s voice, style, world, and the moments that really stick. These insights might not change the bones of the script, but they can make it more original, more immersive, and way more memorable. It’s where things get fun, weird, and wonderfully you.
Unique Voice
Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.
Writer's Craft
Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building
Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.
Correlations
Identifies patterns in scene scores.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.
Unique Voice
Assesses the distinctiveness and personality of the writer's voice.
Writer's Craft
Analyzes the writing to help the writer be aware of their skill and improve.
Memorable Lines
Spotlights standout dialogue lines with emotional or thematic power.
Tropes
Highlights common or genre-specific tropes found in the script.
World Building
Evaluates the depth, consistency, and immersion of the story's world.
Correlations
Identifies patterns in scene scores.
Loglines
Presents logline variations based on theme, genre, and hook.
BETALayered Read is an early preview — the analysis is still being tuned, so expect the occasional rough edge or off note. Treat it as a guide, not gospel.
▸ What you’re looking at
Your whole script read on three things —
Design (is it built), Execution (does it play on the page),
and Read (does it grip) — then mapped scene by scene. The rows go
Script → Acts → Sequences → Scenes in story order, left to right; a unit’s width is its length in pages.
Colour depends on the mode.
By default you’re on Triage — a recommendation for each part: Keep (green),
Polish, Rework, or Cut / rebuild (red).
Switch Colour by (top) to a lens (Design / Execution / Read) or one of the twelve axes and the
colour becomes that signal’s score instead — red (needs work) through green (strong),
with grey where a part isn’t owed that signal. Either way it’s a map of where to look.
To explore: click any cell for its detailed read —
what’s working, what’s dragging, and your options. When a script has acts, hover an act and hit
⤢ Focus to zoom into it. Use Colour by (top) to recolour by a single craft signal,
or the Findings / Axes / Patterns tabs to read it different ways.
The screenplay for '12 Monkeys' is a well-crafted and thought-provoking exploration of time travel, mental illness, and apocalyptic visions. The central conflict between the protagonist, Cole, and the scientists who have sent him back in time is compellingly portrayed, with strong character development and a visually striking blend of past, present, and future. While some pacing issues and a lack of depth in certain supporting characters could be addressed, the screenplay's overall strengths, including its cerebral themes, effective use of classic films, and suspenseful climax, make it a compelling work that is worthy of consideration for production.
The climactic sequence at the airport security checkpoint is a tightly woven and suspenseful set piece that effectively ties together the various narrative threads.
high
(
Scene 41
(INT. SECURITY CHECK POINT/TERMINAL - DAY)
)
The screenplay '12 Monkeys' offers a compelling blend of science fiction and psychological thriller elements, with a well-constructed narrative that includes strong character development, particularly for the protagonist, Cole. The plot is enriched by complex themes such as time travel, destiny, and human impact on the environment. The climactic sequences effectively tie together multiple narrative threads, leading to a satisfying and thought-provoking conclusion.
Strengths
The opening sequence effectively sets a mysterious and intriguing tone, drawing the audience into the story.
high
(
Scene 1
)
The detailed depiction of the future world adds depth to the narrative and enhances the dystopian atmosphere.
high
(
Scene 12
)
The airport scene is a climactic convergence of the narrative threads, effectively bringing the story to its peak.
high
(
Scene 40
)
The twist where the protagonist realizes the true nature of the Twelve Monkeys is well-executed and impactful.
high
(
Scene 42
)
The use of irony and unexpected outcomes, such as the Army of the Twelve Monkeys' actual intentions, adds layers to the plot and engages the audience.
medium
(
Scene 41
)
Areas of Improvement
Some dialogues can be tightened to enhance pacing and maintain tension, especially in mid-scenes where exposition slightly slows down the narrative.
medium
(
Scene 15
)
Character development for secondary characters like Dr. Railly could be deepened to enhance audience connection and investment in their arcs.
medium
(
Scene 20
)
The transitions between time periods can sometimes feel abrupt and may benefit from smoother narrative bridges to enhance clarity and flow.
medium
(
Scene 28
)
The motivations behind some of the protagonist's decisions, particularly in the latter half, could be made clearer to avoid potential confusion.
low
(
Scene 34
)
Enhancing the visual descriptions of the dystopian elements could further enrich the setting and atmosphere, making the screenplay more vivid and immersive.
low
(
Scene 36
)
Missing Elements
There is a missed opportunity to explore the psychological impact of time travel on Cole more deeply, which could add another layer of complexity to the character.
medium
(
Scene 18
)
Notable Points
The screenplay's integration of psychological and philosophical themes into a sci-fi narrative is notable and enriches the story.
high
(
Scene 5
)
;
Summary
High-level overview
In a post-apocalyptic world, Cole, an adult inmate, volunteers to collect specimens and faces dangerous challenges. He encounters Dr. Railly, a psychiatrist who tries to help him but faces resistance. As Cole struggles with his mission and perception of reality, he is pursued by authorities and faces threats from the Army of the Twelve Monkeys. Amidst chaos and uncertainty, Cole and Railly form a bond and try to navigate a world full of mysteries and dangers.
Scene by Scene Summaries
Scene by Scene Summaries
In a post-apocalyptic world, Cole, an adult inmate, volunteers for a mission to collect specimens. He encounters dangerous animals, navigates a desolate environment, and confronts the emotional weight of his past. The scene ends with Cole gazing at a lion patrolling a building, hinting at the challenges and mysteries that lie ahead.
Cole, a prisoner, is decontaminated and interrogated by scientists who seek information about his surface observations. Despite initial reluctance, Cole agrees to join a program that offers a sentence reduction in exchange for his participation.
Kathryn Railly's pager disrupts a poetry reading at an art gallery. Later, Detective Franki leads Railly to a holding cell where she observes Cole, a disoriented and agitated man in a straitjacket. Despite testing negative for drugs, Cole's erratic behavior prompts Railly to examine him.
Dr. Railly approaches Cole in an isolation cell, claiming to be a psychiatrist seeking to assist him. Cole initially distrusts her. Railly establishes rapport by addressing him as "James." She probes his lack of identification and odd behavior. Cole exhibits germophobia and claims to have been hiding underground. When Railly informs him it's 1989, Cole panics, revealing his belief it was 1995. Railly's efforts are met with resistance due to Cole's evasiveness, creating a tense and unsettling atmosphere. Cole's confusion about the year raises concerns about his mental state.
Cole, a man suspected of mental illness, endures degrading treatment during his transfer to an institution. Despite his pleas, the officers ignore his request to call someone. Upon arrival, he undergoes a humiliating lice inspection. In the dayroom, Jeffrey, a cynical patient, explains the oppressive nature of the system. TJ Washington, a patient with delusions of extraterrestrial origin, offers comfort and a glimpse into the complexities of mental health.
Cole, an inmate in a psych ward, insists he's not crazy and demands to make a phone call to scientists in the future. However, the doctors dismiss his claims about a deadly virus in 1995 and the Army of the Twelve Monkeys as delusional. Despite his pleas, Cole's request to use the phone is denied, leaving him frustrated and the doctors unconvinced.
A harried mother receives a surprising call from a scientist, while Cole experiences confusion and disorientation at the hospital. After a chaotic dream, he witnesses the removal of a fellow patient who claims to be able to escape.
Startled by Jeffrey, Cole agrees to his plan to escape. Jeffrey whispers a message hidden within the key he hands over. When the orderlies enter, Cole unlocks the door, allowing Jeffrey to escape.
Cole arrives at a hospital confused and becomes agitated in the elevator. He attacks an orderly, leading to his confinement in the psych ward. Dr. Fletcher criticizes Dr. Railly's handling of the situation, while an orderly reports another incident.
This scene revolves around a missing patient and a confrontation over a recorded message. In a hospital, Dr. Fletcher investigates the disappearance of a restrained and sedated patient, while the staff denies their escape. The scene shifts to a dream sequence at an airport where Young Cole witnesses a commotion involving a blonde man, a mysterious brunette, and a strange voice. Back in the future, Cole is confronted by scientists about a message he allegedly sent from 1989, but claims he was drugged and sent to the wrong year. As Cole struggles to stay awake, he experiences a brief hallucination of Dr. Fletcher's face on the Microbiologist. The scene ends with Cole losing consciousness.
Cole awakens in a dark office, confronted by scientists who question his lack of observations from his past mission. Despite recognizing Jeffrey Mason, Cole reveals his failure to go to the intended year. Interrogated further in a cramped cell, Cole faces a raspy voice demanding details of his mission.
In a dimly lit laboratory, Cole experiences a vision of being a soldier in World War I. Confronted by soldiers who don't understand him, he sees his friend Jose injured and is shot in the leg. The vision ends when a shell hits nearby, leaving Cole's fate uncertain.
Dr. Kathryn Railly presents a lecture on madness, apocalyptic prophecies, and the 'Cassandra Complex' at a university, utilizing medieval artwork and historical anecdotes of a Wyle madman who predicted a future plague.
Dr. Railly, a psychiatrist, is approached by various individuals at a book event. While departing, she is forcibly abducted by James Cole, who escaped from confinement six years ago. Cole directs Railly to drive him to Philadelphia, leaving her afraid yet intrigued by his enigmatic motivations.
Railly and Cole drive towards Philadelphia, where Cole reveals he's been following her. They discuss music and Cole shares a memory. The scene then shifts to Railly's apartment, where police inform Marilou about Cole searching for Railly. Later, in a motel room, Cole wakes from a dream of Railly tied up and finds her in that situation, leaving her bound as the scene ends.
Cole struggles with the junk food vending machine and reveals his mission to Railly in a motel room. They discuss the virus and its potential impact. Cole expresses concern for the children in a pickup truck and the boy trapped in a well, connecting it to his childhood experiences. Amidst skepticism from Railly, Cole predicts the virus will claim lives next month, and they turn left as instructed.
Cole and Railly encounter a Bible-ranting Evangelist and a derelict named Louie while driving through Skid Row. Cole spots red-stenciled graffiti of Twelve Monkeys, heightening his paranoia about being tracked. They discover more stencils in an alley, leading to a sense of unease and dread.
Cole and Railly are attacked by two thugs in a dark alley. Cole fights back and kills one of them, saving Railly. They flee the scene with the dead thug's wallet and bullets.
Cole and Railly seek information about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys at an animal rights office, but are met with resistance. Cole's aggressive interrogation, including pointing a gun, forces the activists to comply.
In a dimly lit basement, three activists are held captive by Cole, an armed interrogator. He demands information about Jeffrey Mason and the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, a radical group. The activists reveal Jeffrey's disillusionment with protests and his formation of the group. However, they also expose his betrayal by endorsing his father's animal experiments, leading to their arrest. The scene ends with Cole continuing the interrogation, leaving the activists' fate uncertain.
Cole and Railly discuss their plan to rescue young men from a basement. While Cole is reckless and unconcerned, Railly worries about his health. They arrive at a gas station where Cole reveals he has been shot.
At a gas station, Railly urges Cole to surrender. They tend to his wound in the woods, where Cole's behavior abruptly shifts, revealing his true intentions. Railly, terrified, realizes she may be in peril.
In the hallway, Agent #3 confronts Jeffrey about Cole's claim of knowing him. They enter the library, where Cole confronts Jeffrey about knowing him. Jeffrey initially denies it but embraces Cole as his old best friend, Arnold Pettibone, upon hearing Cole mention monkeys. The agents remain skeptical but decide to keep an eye on Cole. Jeffrey and Cole then leave the library together, leaving the agents behind.
After a dinner party, Jeffrey and Cole discuss the pure virus in the hallway. Jeffrey is evasive, but Cole is desperate for information. Agents apprehend Cole, but he escapes. Jeffrey tries to convince Cole he's crazy and has nothing to do with the "Army of the Twelve Monkeys," but Cole doesn't believe him.
In the shadows of a secluded mansion, Cole, a fugitive, evades relentless agents. Desperation fuels his escape as he hides in a car, only to be pursued. Amidst the dense woods and enveloping darkness, Cole masterfully navigates without headlights, leaving the agents behind in his wake.
Cole finds Railly locked in the trunk of the Ford and apologizes. Railly suggests Cole created a substitute reality to avoid facing something he doesn't want to. Cole is relieved and happy to think he may not be responsible for the virus. They hear voices and dogs approaching, and Railly tells Cole to surrender to the police. She attracts their attention by honking the horn and tells Cole she'll help him. Cole spots an insect and starts rubbing grass on his face, expressing joy for the world. However, when Railly turns around, Cole has disappeared.
Railly's account of her kidnapping is questioned by the police, who show her a photo of a dead attacker. Cole experiences a dream sequence haunted by scientists. Friends watch a news report revealing Cole is wanted for murder, leaving Railly concerned for his safety.
Cole awakens in a hospital room with scientists singing "Blueberry Hill." They congratulate him for cooperating during his "interview" under the influence, revealing he mentioned his love for music. Cole, disoriented, is informed he earned a pardon for his stress from time travel. Hysterically, he denies the reality of the scientists, believing they are figments of his insanity.
Dr. Railly's sanity is questioned after experiencing trauma, while Cole grapples with an unseen voice in his mind.
A stunning revelation unravels as Railly discovers the antique origin of the bullet extracted from Cole's thigh, casting doubt on his origins. Simultaneously, Cole faces scrutiny from the Scientists over his request to return to the human world. Railly's investigation leads her to a WWI photograph, where she uncovers Cole's true identity, leaving her in disbelief.
Concerned psychiatrist Railly warns Dr. Mason about his son's involvement with a potentially dangerous group. Cole investigates a connection between graffiti and the virus outbreak. Railly faces resistance from Jeffrey's group and suspicion from a derelict as she tries to reach Cole.
As the group gathers materials, Railly's actions outside the store raise concerns, particularly for Fale. Jeffrey dismisses their worries, but Cole's sudden appearance and erratic behavior create tension. Railly notices a plainclothes cop watching them and urges Cole to flee, but his recognition of the graffiti delays their escape. The cop's car makes a u-turn, posing a threat to their safety as they are forced to flee.
Ben, Fale, and Jeffrey discuss Dr. Railly, Jeffrey's former psychiatrist, and her potential knowledge of his plans. Jeffrey claims his brain was studied and a computer model was created to predict his actions. Railly and Cole hide from the police and rent a hotel room, where Cole struggles with his visions. A pimp confronts Railly, leading to a violent encounter with Cole. Railly and Cole rob the pimp for money and plan to escape through a fire escape.
Cole, determined to protect Railly, kills Wallace and flees with her from the police. Their experiences from the future haunt them, and they narrowly escape capture in a busy downtown area.
Railly prepares for a mission by purchasing men's attire and inquiring about wigs, while Cole observes her. Simultaneously, Jeffrey confronts his father, Dr. Mason, about a virus in a pest control van. Jeffrey accuses Dr. Mason of insanity and being a test subject, escalating into a tense exchange.
In a darkened theater, Scotty and Madeline watch Vertigo. Meanwhile, Cole and Railly, a couple in the audience, discuss the film and their own lives. Railly reflects on the importance of appreciating the present moment, prompting Cole to suggest they hide away to escape an impending disaster.
In the scene 'Encounter at the Zoo', Cole wakes up from a dream in a movie theater and sees the Brunette from his dream, now disguised as a sexy babe. They discuss their encounter in the dream and their feeling of familiarity. Meanwhile, at the zoo, various animals are agitated and making noise in their pens. The scene ends with Cole and Railly leaving the theater together.
Railly and Cole find solace in a stolen moment within the confines of a dimly lit storage room. As they indulge in their forbidden desire, the city outside descends into chaos as wild animals roam free, released by the enigmatic Army of the Twelve Monkeys. Amidst the pandemonium, a glimmer of hope emerges for Railly as she comprehends the underlying purpose behind the animal liberation.
In the heart of a bustling airport terminal, detective hands over flyers of Cole and Railly, instructing supervision for notification rather than apprehension. Amidst the chaos, Cole reminisces about a forgotten childhood memory, while Railly procures tickets to Key West. Cole's attempt to fix his mustache in the restroom is met with a cryptic voice from an occupied stall, questioning his presence. Exiting the stall, a businessman leaves Cole uncertain of the voice's origin, creating a conflict between Cole's present reality and the mysterious suggestion. The scene concludes with Cole grappling with this newfound uncertainty.
Cole faces pressure from Jose, who threatens Railly's life unless he cooperates. Railly suspects Mason's assistant as the mastermind, but Cole and Railly remain unaware of the dangers ahead as they move towards the Security Check Points.
Cole, a young boy identified from a dream, navigates airport security with his parents while detectives monitor travelers. A suspicious cylinder is questioned, and Railly engages in an argument with a security officer. Cole suspects Dr. Peters from his dream, leading to a confrontation and pursuit by a detective. The detective shoots Cole, and Railly, who spots young Cole in the crowd, is handcuffed and taken away.
Dr. Peters sits next to a businessman named Jones on a 747 airplane. They discuss the violence in the world and agree that it is obscene. Meanwhile, in an airport parking lot, Young Cole's parents usher him into their station wagon. Cole looks back at a 747 climbing into the sky.
Sequence by Sequence Summaries
Act-by-act sequence summaries
Act 1
Seq 1:
Cole braves a post-apocalyptic wasteland to gather specimens, encountering threats like mutated animals. After decontamination, he's interrogated by future scientists and agrees to time-travel in exchange for potential freedom, establishing his core mission.
Seq 2:
After being detained, Cole resists psychiatric evaluation by Dr. Railly, panics upon realizing he's in 1989 instead of 1995, endures institutionalization, and pleads his case to doctors—only to be dismissed as delusional when demanding to contact future scientists.
Seq 3:
After a failed call to future scientists, Cole conspires with Jeffrey, who creates a distraction during a disturbing video screening. Cole unlocks the ward door but is swiftly recaptured in the hospital corridors and sedated after attacking staff.
Seq 4:
Returned to the future, Cole is confronted about an unauthorized message he sent. He defends his actions while drugged, identifies Jeffrey in 12 Monkeys evidence, and endures a traumatic brain scan that triggers war visions—leaving scientists skeptical but offering redemption.
Seq 5:
Years later, Railly lectures on apocalyptic delusions (establishing her expertise). Cole ambushes her after the event, overpowers her in her car, and compels her to drive to Philadelphia—forcibly recruiting her for his mission.
Act 2a
Seq 1:
Cole and Railly drive to Philadelphia while bonding over shared memories. Upon arrival, they scour Skid Row for clues, discovering stenciled graffiti of the Twelve Monkeys. Confronted by a derelict who Cole believes is tracking them, they enter a dark alley where thugs ambush them. Cole kills one attacker and retrieves evidence before fleeing. Though they find the graffiti, the violent encounter forces retreat.
Seq 2:
Cole and Railly infiltrate an animal rights office, where Cole pulls a gun and forces activists to reveal Jeffrey Mason's history. They learn Jeffrey formed a radical group ('Human Hunt') but betrayed his followers by endorsing his father's experiments. The activists disclose Jeffrey's disillusionment with peaceful protests and subsequent arrest, giving Cole a critical lead.
Seq 3:
While driving to find Jeffrey, Cole reveals he's been shot. Railly urges surrender at a gas station, but Cole refuses. In the woods, Railly tends to his leg wound as tension mounts. Cole's erratic behavior intensifies, culminating in a sudden psychological shift that halts their progress toward Jeffrey.
Seq 4:
Cole meets Jeffrey in a library, where Jeffrey falsely vouches for him to suspicious agents. At Jeffrey's mansion, Cole demands the virus, but Jeffrey betrays him, yelling that Cole is insane and unaffiliated with the Army. Agents move to arrest Cole, triggering a chaotic escape through the mansion grounds. Cole commandeers a car and evades pursuers in a nighttime chase through the woods.
Seq 5:
Cole finds Railly locked in a car trunk. After freeing her, they debate reality and guilt, with Railly suggesting Cole's mission might be a delusion. As police close in, Railly honks the horn to draw attention, offering to help Cole surrender. Cole experiences a moment of euphoria about the world's beauty but vanishes before police arrive.
Seq 6:
Railly defends Cole to authorities as news brands him a murderer. Cole awakens in the future, where scientists offer a pardon, but he denies their reality. Trapped in a cell, Cole battles a tormenting voice and admits his desire to escape. Simultaneously, Railly learns Cole's bullet predates 1920 and identifies him in a WWI photo. In the future, Cole pleads for release as scientists deliberate.
Act 2b
Seq 1:
Railly attempts to warn Dr. Mason about Jeffrey while seeking Cole at the FAA store. Cole arrives but freezes upon recognizing future graffiti, alerting a nearby cop. After a chaotic escape, they hide in a dumpster and relocate to a rundown hotel. There, they confront pimp Wallace—Cole kills him during a struggle, forcing them to flee again.
Seq 2:
After fleeing the hotel, Cole experiences future visions downtown while Railly receives confirmation that authorities are alerted. Railly acquires disguises (clothes/wigs) to avoid recognition. Meanwhile, Jeffrey confronts his father about the virus, revealing tensions within the antagonist group.
Seq 3:
Disguised, Cole and Railly hide in a theater watching Vertigo. They share emotional reflections and physical intimacy in a storage room. Cole dreams of the mysterious brunette and follows her, paralleling the film's themes. Meanwhile, animals roam freely in the city, signaling growing chaos.
Seq 4:
Cole and Railly arrive at the airport, where police distribute their flyers. While Railly buys tickets, Cole fixes his disguise in the restroom and experiences a childhood memory. A mysterious voice from a stall unnerves him, hinting at temporal manipulation.
Act 3
Seq 1:
Under threat from Jose, Cole accepts a gun and heads to security with Railly to stop Dr. Peters. At the checkpoint, Railly distracts security while Cole identifies Peters from his dream. Cole lunges to pursue him but is shot dead by detectives. Peters escapes, Railly is arrested, and young Cole witnesses the chaos, fulfilling Cole's childhood memory loop.
Seq 2:
Dr. Peters boards the 747 unchallenged, securing the virus' transport. Young Cole departs the airport with his parents, glancing back at the ascending plane—mirroring Cole's traumatic childhood witness event and confirming the virus' release is now inevitable.
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📊 Script Snapshot
8.30
What's Working
Premise
8.9
The time travel element adds a layer of complexity and intrigue, allowing for exploration of different time periods and the butterfly effect of Cole's...
Structure
8.9
The screenplay has a strong opening that immediately grabs the audience's attention. The first scene is visually stunning and introduces the main char...
Where to Focus
Emotional Impact
7.2
Some of the supporting characters lack emotional depth and development. Expanding their backstories and motivations would enhance the overall emotiona...
Visual Impact
7.4
In some action sequences, the visual descriptions lack clarity and precision, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the choreography and fol...
Script-Level Scores
📊 Understanding Your Scores
Each axis shows your script's raw score (0–10) in that category. We recently upgraded the AI models behind these categories, so percentile rankings are temporarily unavailable while we re-score our reference library.
💡
Hover over each axis on the radar chart to see what that category measures and why it matters.
Characters
8.0
The screenplay effectively develops its characters, crafting compelling arcs that drive the narrative forward. The prota...
Analysis: The screenplay effectively develops its characters, crafting compelling arcs that drive the narrative forward. The protagonist, Cole, undergoes a significant transformation, grappling with his past traumas and mental health issues to emerge as a determined and empathetic hero. Other characters, such as Dr. Railly and Jeffrey, also exhibit depth and growth, adding complexity to the story. However, some supporting characters could benefit from further development to enhance their impact on the audience.
Key Strengths
The protagonist, Cole, undergoes a significant transformation throughout the screenplay, grappling with his past traumas and mental health issues to emerge as a determined and empathetic hero. His journey is both emotionally resonant and inspiring.
The screenplay's premise presents a captivating blend of time travel, psychological thriller, and apocalyptic elements,...
Analysis: The screenplay's premise presents a captivating blend of time travel, psychological thriller, and apocalyptic elements, creating a strong foundation for an engaging narrative. However, there's room for improvement in clarifying the motivations and goals of certain characters, particularly the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and the scientists, to enhance intrigue and audience investment.
Key Strengths
The time travel element adds a layer of complexity and intrigue, allowing for exploration of different time periods and the butterfly effect of Cole's actions.
The psychological thriller aspect, with Cole's struggle with his sanity and perception of reality, creates suspense and raises questions about the reliability of the narrator and the nature of truth.
The apocalyptic backdrop adds a sense of urgency and raises the stakes for Cole's mission, creating a compelling race against time.
This screenplay has a compelling structure and plot that effectively engages the audience. The story unfolds through a s...
Analysis: This screenplay has a compelling structure and plot that effectively engages the audience. The story unfolds through a series of well-paced scenes, with rising tension and stakes that keep the reader invested in the outcome. The plot is complex and well-developed, with multiple layers that add depth and intrigue. The characters are well-drawn and their motivations are clear. Overall, this is a strong screenplay with a solid structure and plot.
Key Strengths
The screenplay has a strong opening that immediately grabs the audience's attention. The first scene is visually stunning and introduces the main character in a way that makes the audience want to learn more about him.
The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear. The characters grow and change throughout the course of the story, and their development is closely tied to the plot.
The screenplay effectively explores themes of mental illness, trauma, and the potential for redemption through sacrifice...
Analysis: The screenplay effectively explores themes of mental illness, trauma, and the potential for redemption through sacrifice. The themes are clearly presented and resonate deeply with the narrative, adding emotional weight and depth to the characters' struggles. However, the script could benefit from enhancing the originality of its themes and finding more innovative ways to convey its messages.
Key Strengths
The theme of mental illness is handled with sensitivity and realism, providing a nuanced portrayal of the challenges faced by those struggling with psychological disorders.
This screenplay exhibits a solid foundation for visual storytelling, featuring vivid descriptions and creative imagery....
Analysis: This screenplay exhibits a solid foundation for visual storytelling, featuring vivid descriptions and creative imagery. However, there are areas that could benefit from further development to enhance the overall impact of the visual elements.
Key Strengths
The opening scene of the movie has a strong visual impact, with the use of vibrant colors and a unique setting. The detailed descriptions of the textures and sounds create a vivid and immersive environment for the reader.
Areas to Improve
In some action sequences, the visual descriptions lack clarity and precision, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the choreography and follow the action. Adding more specific details and varying the pacing could enhance the impact of these scenes.
The screenplay effectively establishes an intriguing premise and compelling characters, providing a solid foundation for...
Analysis: The screenplay effectively establishes an intriguing premise and compelling characters, providing a solid foundation for emotional storytelling. However, it could benefit from further development in certain areas to maximize its impact on the audience's emotional journey.
Key Strengths
The screenplay's exploration of mental health issues and their impact on a character's emotional journey is a significant strength. It adds depth to Cole's character and allows the audience to connect with his struggles on a personal level.
Areas to Improve
Some of the supporting characters lack emotional depth and development. Expanding their backstories and motivations would enhance the overall emotional impact of their interactions with Cole and strengthen their contributions to the story.
The screenplay effectively leverages conflict and stakes to craft an engaging narrative that keeps the audience invested...
Analysis: The screenplay effectively leverages conflict and stakes to craft an engaging narrative that keeps the audience invested. Central conflicts are clear and compelling, with major stakes driving character decisions and propelling the plot forward. However, fine-tuning certain aspects of conflict escalation and resolution could further elevate tension and enhance audience engagement.
Key Strengths
The screenplay consistently maintains a balance between internal and external conflicts, showcasing Cole's personal struggles alongside the larger threat posed by the virus.
The scenes involving Cole's visions and mental breakdowns are particularly effective in creating tension and highlighting the stakes of his mission.
The screenplay of 12 Monkeys exhibits originality and creativity in its exploration of time travel, mental health, and t...
Analysis: The screenplay of 12 Monkeys exhibits originality and creativity in its exploration of time travel, mental health, and the consequences of human actions. The unique blend of science fiction and psychological thriller elements creates a compelling and thought-provoking narrative.
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
CharacterInconsistencies
Character Jeffrey Goines Description Jeffrey's behavior swings dramatically between manic episodes and moments of cunning manipulation. While this could be attributed to mental illness, the shifts sometimes feel abrupt and convenient for plot purposes.
( Scene 3 Scene 5 Scene 20 Scene 23
)
Character Dr. Kathryn Railly Description Railly's transformation into a "sexy babe" feels somewhat sudden and out of character, even considering the desperate circumstances. It's possible to achieve the escape without such a drastic change in her demeanor.
( Scene 38
)
StoryInconsistencies
Description The activists claim Jeffrey Mason abandoned his radical plans and turned against the animal rights movement. However, his later actions in leading the Army of the 12 Monkeys contradict this information.
( Scene 20
)
PlotHoles
Description Cole's escape from a fully secured and restrained state through a tiny vent stretches believability and feels like a convenient plot device to move the story forward.
( Scene 10
)
Description The ease with which Cole disappears from the woods despite being surrounded by police and agents feels somewhat contrived and convenient for the narrative.
( Scene 26
)
DialogueAuthenticity
Description Jeffrey's dialogue, while entertaining, often veers into overly philosophical and explanatory monologues that feel unnatural for casual conversation, even for someone with mental illness.
( Scene 5 Scene 8
)
Redundancies
Element Cole's dream sequence
( Scene 1 Scene 2 Scene 4 Scene 7 Scene 11 Scene 19
)
Suggestion The repeated dream sequences, while thematically relevant, could be streamlined or restructured to avoid redundancy and maintain audience engagement.
🧠 Character Therapy: Let your character open up to an AI therapist and reveal hidden depths.
The screenplay explores the consequences of time travel, including the disruption of the timeline, the creation of paradoxes, and the impact on the traveler's mental state.
Time travel is a central element of the screenplay, and its consequences are a major source of conflict and drama for the characters.
Incorporate visual elements that symbolize the conflict within Cole's mind, such as a montage of images representing his psychological struggles and the influence of the raspy voice.
Create a sense of urgency and impending doom by incorporating subtle hints or foreshadowing of the upcoming disaster, building tension and raising the stakes for the characters.
The Nature of Reality and Identity
15%
The screenplay explores the nature of reality and identity, particularly in relation to mental illness and the perception of time.
Cole's mental illness and his experiences with time travel lead him to question the nature of his own reality and identity.
The Importance of Memory
10%
The screenplay emphasizes the importance of memory, both in terms of personal identity and in terms of the collective memory of humanity.
Cole's memories of the future are a key element of the plot, and the screenplay also explores the role of memory in shaping our understanding of the past and the future.
The Dangers of Technology
10%
The screenplay explores the dangers of technology, particularly in relation to its potential to be used for evil.
The Army of the Twelve Monkeys is a terrorist organization that uses technology to create a deadly virus, and the screenplay warns of the dangers of allowing technology to fall into the wrong hands.
The Power of Love
5%
The screenplay explores the power of love, both in terms of its ability to heal and its ability to destroy.
Cole and Railly's relationship is a central element of the screenplay, and their love for each other helps them to overcome the challenges they face.
Robert McKee: "The audience doesn’t go to the movies to see plot; they go to feel emotion, to be moved."
Scene by Scene Emotions
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal Goals
The protagonist's internal and external goals revolved around understanding his mission, convincing others of his truth, and navigating dangerous situations to fulfill his purpose.
External Goals
The protagonist's external goals involved escaping capture, locating the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and preventing the spread of the deadly virus.
Philosophical Conflict
The overarching philosophical conflict in the screenplay is the clash between belief in the future and skepticism of time travel, questioning reality and perception, and the balance between freedom and security.
Character Development Contribution:
The protagonist's goals and conflicts contribute to his development by challenging his beliefs, pushing him to confront his past and fears, and ultimately leading to growth and self-discovery.
Narrative Structure Contribution:
The protagonist's goals drive the narrative forward, creating tension and suspense as he navigates through obstacles and challenges, leading to a climactic resolution.
Thematic Depth Contribution:
The goals and conflicts in the screenplay deepen the themes of reality vs. perception, personal agency vs. fate, and the implications of humanity's actions on the future, adding layers of complexity and philosophical depth to the story.
Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict
How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you
develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all
down and make it fully clear in this episode.
By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story
3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and
Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Pressure
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Pressure
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
No lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Pressure
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Pressure
HoldingEvery beat and line earns its place.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
Consequence
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
How these scenes compare to produced screenplays
A radar chart against produced screenplays — interesting if you like graphs, and it takes a minute to interpret
Scene-Level Percentile Chart
📊 Understanding Your Percentile Rankings
Your scene scores are compared against professional produced screenplays in our vault (The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.). The percentile shows where you rank compared to these films.
Example: A score of 8.5 in Dialogue might be 85th percentile (strong!), while the same 8.5 in Conflict might only be 50th percentile (needs work). The percentile tells you what your raw scores actually mean.
💡
Hover over each axis on the radar chart to see what that category measures and why it matters.
🎬
A 5 is fine — here's how scene scores read
0–2not working
3–4weak
5–6functional ★
7–8strong
9–10exceptional
“Functional” (5–6) is a solid, professional scene — that's where most scenes sit.
The scale rides low on purpose, so it has room to point down (where to fix) and
up (what's working).
Why your numbers look lower than they used to
Scenes now use the full 0–10 scale, so your numbers will look lower and
more spread out than before. That's the new, smarter model being honest —
not a verdict on your script.
The table below uses the same colors:
warm = worth a look · neutral = fine ·
green = working. The point is awareness,
not maxing every number — a scene can be light on plot or conflict for good reasons.
PolishOrientationNo lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
SoftThe structure works but is leaking power in places.
7.2
9 / 8
3 / 6
8
7
7.5
7
2
3
2
4
2
5
6
7
7
8
7.5
7
8
7
Scene 1 - Cole's Journey
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with Cole looking at the lion and the 'WE DID IT' graffiti, creating a sense of wonder and mystery. The reader is compelled to continue to learn what happened and what Cole's mission truly is.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has established a compelling premise and a mysterious world, with unresolved questions about the past, the mission, and the 'WE DID IT' message. The momentum is strong, and the reader is invested in Cole's journey.
Scene 2 - Cole's Interrogation and Decision
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a sense of unresolved tension, as Cole is left with no choice but to comply, and the mystery of the mission and the symbol on the wall (mentioned in backstory) lingers, making the reader want to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has built a compelling mystery with the post-apocalyptic world, Cole's past, and the symbol of the twelve monkeys, which keeps the reader invested in the overall story.
Scene 3 - Interruption and Examination
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with Railly entering the cell, creating immediate suspense about what she will discover, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the script so far, the mystery of Cole's origin and the mission's stakes are building, and this scene adds a new layer with Railly's involvement, maintaining momentum.
Scene 4 - Confronting the Past
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends on a shocking reveal that makes the reader want to see how Railly reacts and what happens next, creating a strong pull to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
Given the setup of Cole's mission and the mystery of the twelve monkeys, the script has strong momentum, and this scene deepens the intrigue, making the reader eager to see how the story unfolds.
Scene 5 - Arrival at the Mental Institution
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 5.5/10
The scene ends with a call to 'Staff,' which creates a mild hook, but the scene is largely self-contained. The reader may want to continue to see what happens to Cole, but the immediate cliffhanger is weak.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the whole script so far, the reader is pulled forward by the mystery of Cole's mission and his disorientation. The threads of the future world and the symbol of the twelve monkeys are intriguing, but this scene doesn't advance them, so momentum is maintained by prior hooks.
Scene 6 - Confrontation in the Psych Ward
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole's desperate plea for a phone call, leaving the audience wondering if the doctors will grant it or if he will be committed. The unresolved tension and the hint of the doctors' connection to the future make the reader want to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has established multiple threads: Cole's mission, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and the mystery of the future. This scene reinforces the obstacle of the institution, but the overall momentum is maintained by the larger questions of time travel and the fate of humanity, which keep the reader engaged.
Scene 7 - Confusion and Agitation in the Hospital
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Jeffrey being hauled away, leaving Cole alone and the question of whether Jeffrey's escape plan will materialize, creating a hook that makes the reader want to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong due to Cole's unresolved mission and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, but this scene's focus on character interaction rather than plot progression slightly tempers the urge to continue.
Scene 8 - The Escape Plan
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 9/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger as Cole opens the door, creating immediate suspense and a strong desire to see what happens next. The unresolved question of whether he will succeed in his escape is a powerful hook.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script's momentum is strong, with multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, and his connection to Jeffrey. This scene adds a new layer of intrigue by introducing a potential ally and a successful escape, propelling the reader forward.
Scene 9 - Cole's Violent Outburst and Confrontation in the Hospital
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a new 'situation' being announced, which creates a cliffhanger that compels the reader to continue to the next scene to see what happens. The unresolved tension from Cole's recapture and the upcoming situation drive curiosity.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the whole script so far, the reader is pulled to continue because of the central mystery of Cole's time travel and the unresolved question of whether he can convince anyone of the future threat. The scene adds to the momentum by showing Cole's increasing desperation and the institutional resistance, but the story's pace is steady rather than accelerating.
Scene 10 - Disappearance and Confrontation
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole passing out, leaving the reader wondering what the scientists will do next and how Cole will respond, creating a strong pull to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and the airport mystery. This scene adds to the intrigue, keeping the reader invested.
Scene 11 - Cole's Interrogation
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger of sorts, as the voice's identity and Cole's location are unknown, making the reader want to continue to find out what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads, including Cole's mission, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and his relationship with Railly, which keep the reader engaged. The mystery of the voice adds a new hook.
Scene 12 - Cole's World War I Vision
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with Cole being shot, creating a cliffhanger that compels the reader to continue to see if he survives and how he escapes. The unresolved question of how he'll get back to the future also drives curiosity.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the scientists' control, the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, and his relationship with Railly. This scene adds a new layer of danger and unpredictability, keeping the reader invested in Cole's journey.
Scene 13 - Dr. Railly's Lecture on Madness and Apocalyptic Visions
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 5/10
The scene ends with a thematic conclusion, but it doesn't create a strong cliffhanger; however, the connection to Jose and the mention of 1995 may intrigue readers to see how it ties to Cole's story.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the script's overall momentum, this scene adds thematic depth but slows the pace; the unresolved questions about Cole's mission and the Army of the 12 Monkeys keep the reader engaged.
Scene 14 - Kidnapping of Dr. Railly
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger as Cole directs Railly onto the freeway, leaving the reader eager to see where they are going and what will happen next. The unresolved tension and the mystery of Cole's mission compel continuation.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the scientists' interest, Railly's involvement, and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys. This scene adds a new layer of urgency and keeps the momentum strong.
Scene 15 - En Route to Philadelphia
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole leaving Railly tied up, creating a cliffhanger that makes the reader want to know what happens next, but the scene is somewhat self-contained.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has strong momentum with the mystery of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and Cole's mission, and this scene adds to the intrigue, keeping the reader engaged.
Scene 16 - The Boy in the Well
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole directing Railly to turn left, creating a sense of forward momentum and a desire to see what happens next on their journey. The unresolved mission and the radio bulletin's thematic weight also pull the reader forward.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has built strong momentum through Cole's escape and his mission, and this scene maintains that by deepening the relationship and clarifying stakes. The missing page 52 is a minor setback, but the overall narrative threads (the virus, the Army, Railly's growing involvement) keep the reader engaged.
Scene 17 - Skid Row Stencils
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with another stencil, creating a cliffhanger that makes the reader want to see what happens next, but the scene is somewhat self-contained.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script's ongoing arcs—Cole's mission, Railly's involvement, and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys—keep the reader invested, and this scene adds a new clue that propels the narrative.
Scene 18 - Ambush in the Alley
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole pocketing the gun and moving on, leaving the immediate danger resolved but the larger mission ongoing, creating a desire to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong, with Cole's mission and his relationship with Railly evolving, and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys deepening, compelling the reader to continue.
Scene 19 - Confrontation at Animal Rights Office
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the mention of Mason, creating a strong pull to continue to the next scene to learn more about this connection.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has built momentum through Cole's mission and his relationship with Railly, and this scene adds a new thread (Mason) that increases curiosity, keeping the reader engaged.
Scene 20 - Interrogation in the Basement
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends with Cole finding a rolodex, which is a clear lead to the next step. This creates a mild hook, but the scene is largely self-contained, so the reader is curious but not desperate to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the virus, the Army, and his relationship with Railly. This scene adds to the mystery of Jeffrey Mason, but the momentum is steady rather than accelerating. The reader is compelled to see how Cole uses the rolodex.
Scene 21 - The Rescuers
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a clear direction (turning off to the gas station) and the radio broadcast creates suspense, making the reader want to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads (Cole's mission, the Army of the 12 Monkeys, Railly's abduction) that are gaining momentum, and this scene adds to the tension, compelling the reader to continue.
Scene 22 - Confrontation at the Gas Station
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with a clear hook—Cole's mission to the Mason mansion—and the unresolved threat to Railly, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong, with multiple threads (Cole's mission, Railly's fate, the virus) converging, and this scene adds to the tension.
Scene 23 - Cole and Jeffrey Reunite
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6.5/10
The scene ends with Jeffrey leading Cole away, leaving the reader curious about what happens next in the mansion, but it's not a cliffhanger.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has strong momentum from Cole's mission and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, and this scene adds a new ally, keeping the reader invested.
Scene 24 - Hallway Confrontation
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with Cole escaping, leaving the reader wondering if he will be recaptured and what Jeffrey's denial means for his mission, creating a strong pull to the next scene.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has built momentum through Cole's mission and the mystery of the Army, and this scene adds a new layer of doubt, keeping the reader invested in the unfolding conspiracy.
Scene 25 - Cole's Daring Escape
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Cole's car disappearing, making the reader want to know if he escapes, but it's a standard action hook.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has strong momentum from the time-travel mystery and Cole's mission, and this scene maintains that momentum, though it doesn't add new layers.
Scene 26 - Reunion in the Woods
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger—Cole's disappearance—which compels the reader to continue to learn what happened, but the lack of explanation may also frustrate.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script's ongoing arcs (Cole's mission, Railly's transformation, the Twelve Monkeys mystery) maintain momentum, but this scene's unresolved twist adds a new question that could either intrigue or annoy.
Scene 27 - Interrogation and Revelations
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Railly's shock at the hoax, which creates a strong hook to see how she reacts and whether she reconsiders Cole's claims, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has strong momentum from Cole's escape and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, and this scene adds a new layer of doubt for Railly, keeping the reader invested.
Scene 28 - Cole's Confused Awakening
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger of Cole's breakdown, making the reader want to see how he will be 'treated' next, but the scene is somewhat self-contained as a character moment.
Script Continuation Score: 6.5/10
Given the script's overall momentum, the scene maintains interest in Cole's fate and the mystery of his reality, but it does not significantly escalate the external plot, so the pull to continue is moderate.
Scene 29 - Interrogation and Inner Conflict
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends with Cole's whispered admission, which is emotionally resonant but not a cliffhanger. The reader may want to see how Railly's crisis develops)Skip to next scene?
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the script's accumulated arcs—Railly's growing belief, Cole's instability, and the looming virus—the reader is pulled to continue, but this scene's slower pace slightly dampens momentum.
Scene 30 - Unveiling the Past: Antique Bullet and a Soldier's Secret
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with the scientists deliberating, leaving the question of whether Cole will be sent back, which creates suspense. The photograph reveal also raises questions about Railly's next steps, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, Railly's investigation, and the scientists' decision. The photograph adds a new layer of intrigue, and Cole's re-commitment suggests upcoming action, keeping the reader engaged.
Scene 31 - The Monkey Army
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends with Railly spotting the punks, creating a potential lead, but the cutaway leaves the reader curious about what she'll do next, though the scene feels somewhat self-contained.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The overall script has strong momentum from the time-travel mystery and Cole's mission, but this scene's fragmented structure slightly dampens the pull to continue.
Scene 32 - Chaos at the FAA Store
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with the police car making a u-turn, creating immediate suspense and a clear cliffhanger, compelling the reader to continue to see if Cole and Railly escape.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the virus, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and his relationship with Railly. The revelation about the graffiti adds a new layer of intrigue, and the ongoing chase keeps momentum high, making the reader eager to see what happens next.
Scene 33 - Amidst Chaos: Jeffrey's Sanity Unravels
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger as Cole drags Wallace into the bathroom, leaving the audience wondering what he will do and how they will escape. This compels the reader to continue to the next scene.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open arcs: Cole's mission, his relationship with Railly, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and the impending apocalypse. This scene adds to the momentum by increasing the danger and deepening the bond between Cole and Railly, making the reader eager to see how they escape and what happens next.
Scene 34 - Escape from the Hotel
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the police spotting them, and the twist raises new questions about the future, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong, with multiple unresolved threads (the virus, the Army, Cole's fate) and the twist adds a new layer of urgency.
Scene 35 - Confrontation and Disguise
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger as Dr. Mason reveals he has no access to the virus, leaving the reader wondering what Jeffrey will do next and how this affects the main plot.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has multiple threads: Cole's mission, Railly's investigation, and now Jeffrey's kidnapping of his father. This scene adds a new layer of complexity and raises the stakes, making the reader eager to see how these threads converge.
Scene 36 - Contemplation at the Movies
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends with a question ('Where can we hide?') that creates mild curiosity, but it's not a cliffhanger; the reader is interested but not desperate to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The overall script has strong momentum from the chase and the looming apocalypse, but this quiet scene slows the pace; the reader is still invested in Cole and Railly's fate.
Scene 37 - Encounter at the Zoo
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole and Railly entering a private room, leaving the reader curious about their next move and the outcome of the zoo break-in. The unresolved tension and the intimate moment create a strong pull to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has multiple open threads: the zoo break-in, the authorities' pursuit, and Cole's mental state. The scene adds a new layer of romance and connection, which may intrigue the reader but also slows the momentum of the thriller plot.
Scene 38 - Passionate Interlude Amidst Urban Chaos
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a sense of hope and a question: will they make it to the airport? The animal chaos creates a new obstacle, making the reader want to see how they navigate it.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built momentum through Cole's time-travel mystery and his relationship with Railly. This scene provides a temporary resolution but also introduces new questions about the Army's true motives, keeping the reader engaged.
Scene 39 - Echoes of the Past at the Airport Terminal
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with Cole's confusion about the voice, leaving the reader wondering if he is truly losing his mind or if the voice is real. This creates suspense and a desire to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has strong momentum with the escape, the conspiracy, and Cole's mental state. This scene adds to the tension and leaves the reader eager to see if Cole and Railly make it to Key West and what the voice means.
Scene 40 - Airport Confrontation
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with a clear cliffhanger: Cole has a gun and a target, and Railly has identified the villain. The reader is compelled to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built strong momentum with multiple unresolved threads: the virus release, Cole's fate, and the nature of the future's control. This scene adds a new twist that keeps the reader invested.
Scene 41 - Confrontation and Suspicions at Airport Security
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 9/10
This scene ends with a powerful cliffhanger: Cole is shot and appears to die, while young Cole is left with a haunting memory. The reader is compelled to see what happens next, especially how Railly will cope and whether Cole survives.
Script Continuation Score: 8.5/10
The script has built momentum through Cole's mission and his relationship with Railly. This scene raises the stakes to a climax, and the unresolved fate of Cole and the virus creates a strong pull to continue.
Scene 42 - Airport Departures
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 3/10
This scene does not compel the reader to continue, as it serves as a conclusion, but it does leave a lingering sense of unease.
Script Continuation Score: 6/10
Given the whole script, the reader is pulled to continue to see how the themes are resolved, but this scene provides a definitive ending.
Scene 1 — Cole's Journey — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the transition from the dream to the prison is abrupt, and the purpose of the 'volunteer' mission is not explained. The geography of the surface world is also somewhat confusing.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is world-rules and set-piece, as the scene establishes the rules of the prison and the surface. The track is Cole's mission, the constraint is the suit's integrity, and the turn is the discovery of the 'WE DID IT' message.
Scene 2 — Cole's Interrogation and Decision — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its staging and sequence of events, but the shift from the decontamination chamber to the engineering office is abrupt, and the dream sequence may confuse some readers as to what is real.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, as the scientists are testing Cole's observational skills and memory. The track is Cole's compliance and the constraint is his lack of choice, with a turn into the dream sequence that blurs reality.
Scene 3 — Interruption and Examination — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its actions and locations, though the shift from the art gallery to the police station is abrupt. The identity of the man in the cell is revealed as Cole, which is clear.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Railly is called to examine Cole, and the scene's logic is clear. The track is her investigation, with a constraint of Cole's danger, and a turn as she decides to enter alone.
Scene 4 — Confronting the Past — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is clear in its staging: a cell, two characters, a conversation. The only potential confusion is Cole's references to 'underground' and '1995 is the past,' but these are intentional and clarified by the dialogue.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, with Railly trying to assess Cole and Cole trying to leave. The scene is a Track (we track Cole's disorientation) with a Constraint (he's confined) and a Turn (the year reveal).
Scene 5 — Arrival at the Mental Institution — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is clear in its staging and sequence of events. The location shifts are well-marked, and the actions of the characters are easy to follow. The only minor confusion is the rapid introduction of multiple patients, but it's manageable.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, with Cole's goal of making a phone call driving his actions. The scene's logic is clear: Cole is being processed and introduced to the ward, and the 'why now' is his arrival. The constraint is the institution's rules, and the turn is the P.A. announcement calling him to Staff.
Scene 6 — Confrontation in the Psych Ward — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is clear in its staging: Cole is in a conference room with doctors, and the dialogue is straightforward. The only potential confusion is the visual resemblance of the doctors to the future scientists, which is noted but not explained, but this is a deliberate ambiguity that adds depth.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, with Cole's intent to convince the doctors and the doctors' intent to diagnose him. The track is Cole's desperation, the constraint is the doctors' skepticism, and the turn is the moment when Cole sees the pencil tapping and becomes disoriented, which is a subtle shift in his composure.
Scene 7 — Confusion and Agitation in the Hospital — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the dream sequence's abrupt start and the identity of the 'Blonde Man' may confuse readers. The transition from the phone call to the dream is not explicitly signaled, and the dream's connection to Cole's past is implied but not stated.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, with Cole's goal to escape and contact the future driving the scene. The track is his failed phone call and his encounter with Jeffrey, with a constraint of the locked ward. The turn is Jeffrey's offer of help, which shifts the scene's direction.
Scene 8 — The Escape Plan — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is generally clear in its staging, but the rapid shifts between the TV, Jeffrey, and Cole, combined with the drugged haze, can make the sequence of events feel slightly disorienting. The key's origin is also unclear, though this may be intentional.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, with Jeffrey's chaotic behavior serving as a coded signal for Cole to escape. The scene's logic is clear in its goal (escape) but the 'why now' is somewhat obscured by the randomness of Jeffrey's outburst.
Scene 9 — Cole's Violent Outburst and Confrontation in the Hospital — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is clear in its sequence of events: Cole escapes, is recaptured, and is sedated. The locations are distinct (corridor, elevator, office, X-ray, tech room, conference room), and the actions are unambiguous. The only minor confusion is the sudden appearance of the 'situation' at the end, but it is clearly a new event.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's goal to escape is clear, and the scene tracks his attempt and failure. The constraint is the hospital's security, and the turn is his recapture and the subsequent conference. The why-now is his earlier escape attempt, and what-changed is his increased sedation and the staff's heightened alert.
Scene 10 — Disappearance and Confrontation — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the transition from the hospital to the future is abrupt and may confuse readers. The dream sequence is clearly marked, but the connection to the interrogation is not immediately obvious.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, as Cole's escape and interrogation reveal his motivations and the scientists' doubts. The track is Cole's credibility, with constraints of time and space, and the turn is the revelation of the tape recording.
Scene 11 — Cole's Interrogation — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the transition from the engineering office to the cell is abrupt, and the voice's location is ambiguous. The dream sequence is brief and may confuse readers about its purpose.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, as Cole's goal is to understand his situation. The track is Cole's mission and the voice's identity, with constraints of the scientists' skepticism and the cell's isolation. The turn is the shift from interrogation to confinement.
Scene 12 — Cole's World War I Vision — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its literal events: Cole is in a lab, then transported to a trench, where he is confronted and shot. The use of subtitles for foreign languages is clear, and the action is easy to follow, though the abrupt setting change might momentarily confuse.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is a set-piece, with a Track of Cole's disorientation and a Turn when he is shot. The intent is to show the dangers of time travel and the unpredictability of the process, which is clear from the scene's execution.
Scene 13 — Dr. Railly's Lecture on Madness and Apocalyptic Visions — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its setting and action; the lecture is easy to follow, and the slide transitions are indicated. The only potential confusion is the quick introduction of new characters (Marilou, Wayne, Dr. Peters) without context.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is info-distribution, as the scene delivers thematic and historical information. The track is the theme of the Cassandra Complex, with a constraint of the lecture format, and the turn is the slide of Jose connecting to the protagonist.
Scene 14 — Kidnapping of Dr. Railly — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its actions: Railly is signing books, then goes to her car, is kidnapped, and drives off with Cole. The only potential confusion is the quick shift from the lecture to the parking lot, but it's understandable.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's goal is to get to Philadelphia, and Railly is forced to comply. The scene is a turn, as it shifts from a normal evening to a kidnapping, and the constraint is Railly's fear and Cole's desperation.
Scene 15 — En Route to Philadelphia — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the transition from the freeway to the motel is abrupt, and the dream sequence's connection to the catfood commercial is confusing.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's goal to reach Philadelphia and his need for Railly's help. The track is his journey, with constraints of time and resources, and the turn is the abduction itself.
Scene 16 — The Boy in the Well — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the missing page 52 creates a gap in the action, and the transition from the motel corridor to the car is abrupt. The radio bulletin is clearly described, but the exact location of the car and the direction of travel could be clearer.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, as Cole's goal to reach Philadelphia drives the scene. The track is Cole's mission and Railly's reaction; the constraint is the need to convince Railly; the turn is the radio bulletin that momentarily raises stakes but doesn't change the plan.
Scene 17 — Skid Row Stencils — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its staging: Cole and Railly drive, stop, walk to a wall, then an alley. The graffiti is described well, and the encounter with Louie is unambiguous. The only potential confusion is the rapid shift from street to alley, but it's handled.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's goal is to find the monkeys, and the scene shows him following clues. The track is the graffiti trail, the constraint is Railly's skepticism, and the turn is Louie's appearance.
Scene 18 — Ambush in the Alley — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is clear in its staging: the alley, the thugs, the fight, and the aftermath are all easy to follow. The only minor confusion is the sudden shift from Cole's passive stance to his attack, but it's understandable.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's goal is to find clues, and the attack is an obstacle. The scene tracks his determination and Railly's fear, with a turn when Cole reveals his true nature.
Scene 19 — Confrontation at Animal Rights Office — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the source of the rain and animal sounds might confuse readers until Railly explains it's a tape. The transition from the street to the office is abrupt, and the activists' names (Fale, Ben, Teddy) are introduced quickly.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's goal is clear, and the scene's turn is the revelation of Mason's connection. The constraint is the activists' ignorance, which forces Cole to use force. The why-now is Cole's desperation to find the Army.
Scene 20 — Interrogation in the Basement — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is clear: Cole and Railly are in a basement with three tied-up activists. The dialogue and actions are straightforward, and the props (photo, clippings, rolodex) are clearly described. No confusion.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is info-distribution: Cole interrogates to get backstory. The track is the information about Jeffrey and the Army. The constraint is the activists' fear, and the turn is the revelation of Jeffrey's betrayal and the rolodex as a new lead.
Scene 21 — The Rescuers — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is clear in its staging: Cole and Railly are in a car on a freeway, then a country highway. The radio broadcast is clearly identified, and the dialogue is unambiguous. The only minor point is the reference to Cole's leg being shot, which is explained but not fully contextualized.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's goal is to reach Mason's house, and the scene shows his determination despite obstacles. The track is the journey, the constraint is the manhunt, and the turn is the radio broadcast raising the stakes.
Scene 22 — Confrontation at the Gas Station — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is clear in its staging: the clearing, the car, the bandaging, and the shift to the mansion are all easy to follow. The only minor confusion is the sudden jump to the Mason mansion, but it's clearly marked.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's intent shifts from vulnerability to mission, and the scene's logic is clear. The track is Cole's emotional state, the constraint is his mission, and the turn is his threat to Railly.
Scene 23 — Cole and Jeffrey Reunite — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its staging and dialogue, though the agents' sudden acceptance of Jeffrey's claim is a bit confusing, and the transition from hallway to library is abrupt.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's goal to get Jeffrey's help, Jeffrey's initial denial, and the turn when the code is spoken. The track is clear, with a constraint (the agents) and a turn (the code).
Scene 24 — Hallway Confrontation — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in terms of who is present and the physical actions, but the rapid shifts between whispered dialogue and public outbursts may momentarily confuse the spatial dynamics, and the agents' exact positions are not always specified.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole seeks information, Jeffrey performs a public denial, and the agents intervene; the scene tracks Cole's failed attempt and his escape, with a clear turn when Jeffrey's denial shifts the power dynamic.
Scene 25 — Cole's Daring Escape — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is clear in its staging and sequence of events; the only minor confusion is the exact location of the car in relation to the mansion, but it's easily followed.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is a set-piece chase; the intent is clear—Cole must escape—and the scene tracks his attempts, with a turn when he loses the helicopter.
Scene 26 — Reunion in the Woods — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its staging: Cole finds the Ford, releases Railly, they talk, and he disappears. The only confusion is the sudden disappearance, which is not explained.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's desire to surrender and Railly's to help. The track is Cole's emotional state, the constraint is the approaching police, and the turn is his disappearance, which is a twist but not clearly motivated.
Scene 27 — Interrogation and Revelations — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is clear in its locations and actions, with no confusion about who is present or what happens. The TV report is clearly identified, and the transition from police station to apartment is smooth.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, as Railly's goal to return to normalcy is clear, and the turn is the hoax reveal that challenges her worldview. The scene's logic is clear: Railly is debriefed, goes home, and is confronted with evidence that undermines her rational stance.
Scene 28 — Cole's Confused Awakening — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is clear in its setting and action, but the rapid shift from celebration to Cole's outburst may confuse readers about the timeline of his 'recovery' and the nature of the 'hospital'.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, with Cole's rejection of the 'hospital' driving the scene. The track is Cole's emotional state, the constraint is the scientists' insistence on his recovery, and the turn is his outburst.
Scene 29 — Interrogation and Inner Conflict — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the jump from the office to the cell without a transition could confuse readers about location. The identity of the raspy voice is ambiguous, which is intentional but may be unclear.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Railly's intent to convince Owen, and Cole's intent to understand his situation. The track is Railly's crisis and Cole's internal battle, with a constraint of the voice's taunts. The turn is Railly's admission of losing faith.
Scene 30 — Unveiling the Past: Antique Bullet and a Soldier's Secret — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is clear in its actions: Railly receives a call, finds the photo, and then we cut to Cole with the scientists. The only potential confusion is the abrupt location change, but the scene headings clarify it.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is info-distribution: the photograph reveals key information to Railly and the audience. The track is Railly's discovery, the constraint is the scientists' decision, and the turn is Cole's reaffirmation.
Scene 31 — The Monkey Army — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the rapid location shifts (Dr. Mason's office, Railly's apartment, scientists' chamber, FAA storefront) and the introduction of new characters (Dr. Peters) may momentarily confuse the reader about the timeline and connections.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is info-distribution, as the scene reveals the virus's timeline and a new clue. The track is the investigation, the constraint is the need to avoid detection, and the turn is the magazine photo pointing to a new lead.
Scene 32 — Chaos at the FAA Store — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is generally clear, but there are minor confusions: the character 'Fale' is introduced without clear context (though it's likely a typo for 'Cole'), and the POV through the slit is a bit ambiguous. The sequence of actions is easy to follow, but the rapid cuts between locations might require careful reading.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is info-distribution: the scene reveals the origin of the graffiti, which is a key piece of the puzzle. The track is Cole's recognition, the constraint is the police presence, and the turn is the revelation that Railly created the graffiti. The intent is clear, but the rapid pace slightly obscures the significance.
Scene 33 — Amidst Chaos: Jeffrey's Sanity Unravels — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its staging: the hotel room, the characters, and the sequence of events are easy to follow. The only potential confusion is the sudden appearance of Wallace and the quick shift from dialogue to action, but it's understandable.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, as the scene focuses on Cole and Railly's attempts to survive and understand their situation. The track is their escape, the constraint is the police and Wallace, and the turn is Cole's violent response and the decision to rob Wallace.
Scene 34 — Escape from the Hotel — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its staging, but the jump from the hotel to the bus stop is abrupt, and the reader must infer that they escaped via the fire escape and alley.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent, with Cole's goal of escape driving the action, but the twist reveals a turn in the plot's logic, shifting from escape to inevitability.
Scene 35 — Confrontation and Disguise — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its actions and dialogue, but the transition from the department store to the van is abrupt, and the reader must infer that time has passed. The identity of the garbage bag is revealed quickly, but the initial confusion is minor.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Jeffrey's intent to confront his father and the father's misunderstanding. The track is the virus revelation, the constraint is the father's lack of access, and the turn is the shift from animal rights to virus plot.
Scene 36 — Contemplation at the Movies — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is clear: we're in a theater, watching Vertigo, with Cole and Railly talking. The only potential confusion is the intercutting between the film and the audience, but it's handled well.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Railly wants to comfort Cole and plan their next step; the scene's logic is clear, with a track of their emotional state and a turn toward hiding.
Scene 37 — Encounter at the Zoo — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the transition from the zoo to the theater is abrupt, and the reader may be momentarily confused about the location change. The off-screen voices in the zoo are also unclear as to who is speaking.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
7/10
The primary mechanic is a set-piece (zoo) followed by a character moment (theater). The track is Cole's emotional state, the constraint is the external threat, and the turn is the shift from chaos to intimacy.
Scene 38 — Passionate Interlude Amidst Urban Chaos — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its actions, but the transition from the storage room to the suburban dawn is abrupt, and the montage of animals may confuse viewers about the timeline. The cab scene clarifies the situation.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is info-distribution, revealing the Army's plan through the cabbie's dialogue. The track is Cole and Railly's escape, the constraint is the police, and the turn is the revelation that the animals are the 'twelve monkeys'.
Scene 39 — Echoes of the Past at the Airport Terminal — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
7/10
The scene is mostly clear, but the appearance of the raspy voice is confusing—it's unclear if it's real or a hallucination, and the source is ambiguous. The transition from the ticket counter to the men's room is clear, but the voice's origin is not.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
6.5/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's goal to escape and his internal struggle. The scene is a turn, as the voice challenges his resolve, but the intent of the voice is unclear, making the scene's logic somewhat opaque.
Scene 40 — Airport Confrontation — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8/10
The scene is clear in its staging: the ticket counter, the lobby, the gift shop. The sequence of events is easy to follow, though the sudden appearance of Jose might be slightly confusing without prior context.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is character-intent: Cole's internal conflict drives the scene, and the turn is when he accepts the gun, signaling his submission to the future's will.
Scene 41 — Confrontation and Suspicions at Airport Security — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
8.5/10
The scene is clear in its staging: the security checkpoint, the chase, and the memory intercut are all visually distinct. The only potential confusion is the rapid shift between adult and young Cole, but the formatting makes it clear.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is a set-piece with a turn: the chase is interrupted by the memory, which reframes the entire scene. The intent is clear: to show Cole's fate is tied to his past.
Scene 42 — Airport Departures — Clarity
Surface Clarity
What's literally happening (who/where/what/space)
Score:
9/10
The scene is clear in its staging and actions, with no confusion about who is present or what is happening.
Intent/Mechanics Clarity
Why/what to track (goals/info withheld/cause→effect/turn)
Score:
8/10
The primary mechanic is info-distribution, as the scene reveals the villain's escape and the protagonist's death, with a turn in the final image of young Cole.
World Building
Physical environment: The world depicted in the screenplay is a dystopian and futuristic one, with underground bunkers, advanced technology, and bleak and oppressive environments. The physical environment contributes to the characters' sense of isolation, despair, and fear. The setting creates a stark contrast between the advanced technology and the primitive living conditions, highlighting the fragility of civilization and the potential for chaos.
Culture: The screenplay presents a society that is divided between oppressors and the oppressed, with a strong sense of fear and paranoia. The culture of the underground bunkers reflects a loss of freedom and individuality, while the outside world is portrayed as a place of violence and danger. The characters' struggles and interactions within this society explore themes of power, control, and the human condition.
Society: The societies depicted in this screenplay are highly stratified along lines of power and privilege, with sharp divisions between the wealthy and the poor, the powerful and the oppressed. The characters navigate complex social hierarchies and must confront the challenges presented by a world in which inequality and injustice are prevalent. These societal structures shape the characters' choices, relationships, and destinies, and provide a backdrop for the exploration of themes related to class, privilege, and social responsibility.
Technology: The screenplay features a mix of advanced technologies and primitive living conditions, highlighting the juxtaposition between scientific progress and societal decline. The use of advanced technology in surveillance and control reinforces the themes of oppression and fear, while the characters' struggles to survive in a harsh and unforgiving environment emphasize the fragility of human civilization and the importance of human connection.
Characters influence: The world elements in this screenplay have a profound impact on the characters' experiences and actions. The oppressive physical environment of the underground bunkers creates a sense of isolation and despair, leading the characters to seek solace in relationships and personal connections. The societal division between the haves and have-nots shapes the characters' identities and beliefs, influencing their choices and conflicts. The technological advancements, while offering hope for a better future, also raise ethical concerns and create new challenges for the characters as they navigate the complex moral landscape of their world.
Narrative contribution: The world elements in this screenplay serve as both a backdrop for and an active participant in the narrative. The oppressive physical environment creates a sense of urgency and danger, driving the characters' actions and decisions. The societal conflicts and divisions provide a source of tension and conflict, shaping the relationships between the characters. The technological advancements offer both opportunities and challenges, driving the plot forward and raising ethical questions.
Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in this screenplay contribute to its thematic depth by providing a rich and complex backdrop for exploring issues of power, identity, and morality. The oppressive physical environment and the societal division between the haves and have-nots highlight the struggle for basic human dignity. The technological advancements raise ethical questions about the limits of science and the nature of progress. These world elements collectively create a resonant and thought-provoking context for the screenplay's exploration of these themes.
Voice Analysis
Summary:
The writer's voice is characterized by vivid sensory descriptions, atmospheric details, and a focus on internal thoughts and emotions. The writing style is immersive and engaging, drawing the reader into the characters' world and emotional experiences.
Voice Contribution
The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a strong sense of atmosphere and emotional depth. The vivid descriptions and introspective narrative style help to create a rich and immersive experience for the reader, enhancing the emotional impact of the story.
Scene 12 is the best representation of the writer's voice because it effectively combines vivid sensory descriptions, atmospheric details, and a focus on internal thoughts and emotions. The scene immerses the reader in the protagonist's psychological state, creating a powerful and emotionally resonant experience.
Style and Similarities
The screenplay exhibits a comprehensive and consistent writing style across all scenes, characterized by its complexity, depth, and nuanced exploration of themes and characters. The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and often philosophical, driving the narrative forward while revealing the inner conflicts and motivations of the characters. The scenes are crafted with precision, balancing action, suspense, and introspection to create a compelling and immersive experience for the reader.
Style Similarities:
Writer
Explanation
Christopher Nolan
Christopher Nolan's influence is pervasive throughout the screenplay, evident in the intricate narratives, philosophical underpinnings, and exploration of psychological depth. His signature style of non-linear storytelling, complex character interactions, and atmospheric world-building is consistently present across multiple scenes.
David Fincher
David Fincher's influence is also significant, particularly in scenes that delve into dark and unsettling themes. His trademark use of sharp dialogue, intense character confrontations, and suspenseful pacing creates a palpable sense of tension and unease, enhancing the overall emotional impact of the screenplay.
Charlie Kaufman
Charlie Kaufman's influence is evident in scenes that explore existential themes, blurring the lines between reality and fantasy. His unique blend of intellectual humor, philosophical musings, and introspective character studies adds a distinct layer of depth and complexity to the screenplay.
Quentin Tarantino
Quentin Tarantino's influence is discernible in scenes that feature sharp, witty dialogue, unexpected twists, and a unique blend of violence and humor. His signature style of non-linear storytelling and distinctive character interactions contributes to the screenplay's overall dynamism and entertainment value.
Other Similarities: The screenplay also demonstrates a strong attention to detail, with each scene carefully crafted to contribute to the overall narrative arc. The use of symbolism and foreshadowing is evident throughout, adding depth and resonance to the storytelling. Furthermore, the screenplay effectively balances moments of high tension and suspense with quieter, more introspective scenes, creating a compelling rhythm that keeps the reader engaged and invested in the characters' journeys.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
Pattern
Explanation
Suspenseful Scenes Drive the Narrative
The majority of the highly-rated scenes are characterized by suspense, creating a captivating and engaging atmosphere throughout the screenplay.
Emotional Intensity Enhances Impact
Scenes that effectively convey emotional depth, particularly in conjunction with suspense, receive higher overall ratings, indicating the impact of emotional resonance on the audience.
Dialogue Drives Character Development and Plot Progression
Scenes with strong dialogue that effectively develops characters and advances the plot receive higher scores, highlighting the importance of dialogue in engaging the audience and moving the story forward.
High Stakes Intensify the Conflict
Scenes with high stakes, where the consequences of actions are significant, tend to be rated higher, indicating that tension and anticipation enhance the overall impact.
Consistency in Character Changes Creates Depth
Scenes that consistently portray character changes and development receive higher ratings, suggesting that audiences appreciate the evolution of characters throughout the screenplay.
Intense and Dramatic Scenes Captivate the Audience
Scenes characterized by both intensity and dramatic elements, such as confrontation or high stakes, receive higher ratings, demonstrating the effectiveness of these elements in gripping the audience.
Mystery and Suspense Create Intriguing Atmosphere
Scenes that skillfully blend mystery and suspense receive higher ratings, indicating that these elements effectively create an engaging and immersive atmosphere.
Emotional Moments Enhance Dramatic Impact
Scenes that effectively convey emotional moments, often in conjunction with suspenseful or dramatic elements, receive higher ratings, highlighting the power of emotion to enhance the overall impact of the screenplay.
Confrontational Scenes Drive Conflict and Character Development
Scenes involving confrontations, particularly those with high stakes and intense emotions, receive higher ratings, suggesting that these elements effectively drive conflict and develop characters.
Action-Packed Scenes Elevate Overall Engagement
Scenes that incorporate action elements, when combined with suspense and emotional depth, receive higher ratings, indicating that these elements contribute to the overall excitement and engagement of the audience.
Writer's Craft Overall Analysis
The screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation in storytelling, with engaging scenes that effectively convey tension, character dynamics, and thematic depth. The writer's unique voice and style shine through in the sharp dialogue, intense action sequences, and thought-provoking philosophical conflicts explored throughout the scenes.
Key Improvement Areas
Character Development
Several scenes highlight the need for stronger character motivations, backstories, and internal conflicts to enhance the depth and complexity of the characters.
Dialogue
While the dialogue is engaging and sharp in many scenes, some instances could benefit from further refinement to enhance the authenticity and emotional impact of character interactions.
Pacing and Structure
A few scenes could benefit from tighter pacing and a clearer structure to maintain a consistent flow and avoid any potential drag in the narrative.
Suggestions
Type
Suggestion
Rationale
Screenplay
Study screenplays by renowned writers such as Aaron Sorkin, Quentin Tarantino, and Wes Anderson to analyze their techniques in character development, dialogue, and storytelling structure.
These screenwriters are known for their exceptional skills in crafting compelling characters, writing dynamic dialogue, and creating engaging narratives.
Exercise
Practice writing character backstory exercises to develop detailed profiles, motivations, and histories for each character.Practice In SceneProv
This exercise will help strengthen the foundation of the characters and make their actions and decisions more believable and relatable.
Video
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Enroll in a screenwriting course or workshop to receive feedback and guidance on pacing, structure, and overall storytelling techniques.
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Additional Notes:
The screenplay showcases the writer's strong potential and ability to create engaging and thought-provoking stories. With continued practice and refinement, the writer can further develop their unique voice and storytelling abilities to craft even more compelling and memorable screenplays.
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
Trope
Trope Details
Trope Explanation
Time Travel
Cole travels from the future to the past to prevent a deadly virus from wiping out humanity.
This trope involves a character traveling back or forward in time. An example of this trope is the movie 'Back to the Future'.
Mental Illness
Cole is initially believed to be mentally ill, and his claims about the future are dismissed.
This trope involves a character who is struggling with mental illness. An example of this trope is the TV show 'Mr. Robot'.
Post-Apocalyptic World
Cole travels to a post-apocalyptic world where he encounters various dangers.
This trope involves a world that has been devastated by a natural or man-made disaster. An example of this trope is the movie 'Mad Max'.
Viral Outbreak
The virus that Cole is trying to prevent is a deadly one that could wipe out humanity.
This trope involves a virus that spreads rapidly and causes widespread death. An example of this trope is the movie 'Contagion'.
Hidden Agenda
The scientists who send Cole back in time have their own agenda, and they are not entirely honest with him.
This trope involves a character or group of characters who have a secret plan or motive. An example of this trope is the TV show 'Game of Thrones'.
Authority Figures Disbelieve Protagonist
Cole's claims about the future are dismissed by the authorities, who believe he is mentally ill.
This trope involves a protagonist who is trying to warn others about a danger, but they are not believed. An example of this trope is the movie 'The Day After Tomorrow'.
Isolation
Cole is isolated from the rest of the world, and he struggles to find people who understand him.
This trope involves a character who is separated from society. An example of this trope is the movie 'Cast Away'.
Trapped in the Past
Cole is trapped in the past, and he is unable to return to his own time.
This trope involves a character who is stuck in a different time period. An example of this trope is the movie 'Somewhere in Time'.
Unreliable Narrator
Cole's mental illness makes it difficult to determine what is real and what is not.
This trope involves a narrator whose reliability is questionable. An example of this trope is the movie 'The Usual Suspects'.
MacGuffin
The virus that Cole is trying to prevent is a MacGuffin, which is an object or event that drives the plot but has no real significance.
This trope involves an object or event that is used to drive the plot, but it has no real significance. An example of this trope is the Maltese Falcon in the movie of the same name.
Cole: YOU DON'T EXIST, YOU SILLY BOZOS! YOU'RE NOT REAL! HA HA HA! PEOPLE DON'T TRAVEL IN TIME! YOU AREN'T HERE. MADE YOU UP! YOU CAN'T TRICK ME! YOU'RE IN MY MIND! I'M INSANE AND YOU'RE MY INSANITY!
Cole: This is the present. This is not the past. This is not the future. This is right now!
Some Loglines to consider:
In a post-apocalyptic future, a convict is sent back in time to uncover the source of a deadly virus that wiped out most of humanity, but his quest to change the past leads him on a collision course with his own shattered psyche.
A man haunted by visions of the future must navigate a complex web of conspiracies, mental illness, and the possibility of altering the past in order to save the world from a devastating pandemic.
Thrust into a high-stakes game of cat and mouse, a troubled time traveler must confront his own fractured memories and the machinations of a shadowy cabal of scientists to prevent a global catastrophe.
Trapped between the past and the future, a man with a history of mental illness races to stop the release of a deadly virus while grappling with the nature of reality and his own sanity.
In a world on the brink of collapse, a convict is recruited by a team of scientists to travel back in time and stop the outbreak of a deadly virus, but his journey forces him to confront his own demons and the possibility of changing the course of history.
A convict from a post-apocalyptic future is sent back in time to uncover the origins of a deadly virus that wiped out nearly all of humanity.
When a man is sent back from the future to prevent a global catastrophe, he must navigate a past that is not as he remembers it.
Trapped in time, a man must solve a mystery from his own future before the world as he knows it ends.
A time-traveling convict must decide between his mission to save the world and the new life he wishes to build in a past that feels more like home than his own time.
As humanity's last hope, a time traveler struggles to prevent a viral apocalypse while questioning his own sanity.
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View Analysis
View Script
1 · Cole's Journey
INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT TERMINAL - BAY
CLOSE ON A FACE. A nine year old boy, YOUNG COLE, his eyes wide
with wonder. watching something intently. We HEAR the sounds of
the P.A. SYSTEM droning Flight Information mingled with the
sounds of urgent SHOUTS, running FEET, EXCLAMATIONS.
YOUNG COLE'S POV: twenty yards away, a BLONDE MAN is sprawled on
the floor, blood oozing from his gaudy Hawaiian shirt.
A BRUNETTE in a tight dress, her face obscured from YOUNG COLE'S
view, rushes to the injured man, kneels beside him, ministering
to his wound.
ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, flanked by his PARENTS, their faces out of
view, as they steer him away.
FATHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Come on, Son --this is no place for us.
YOUNG COLE resists momentarily, mesmerized by the drama.
YOUNG COLE'S POV: intermittently visible through a confusion of
FIGURES rushing through the foreground, the BLONDE MAN reaching
up and touching the cheek of the kneeling BRUNETTE in a gesture
of enormous tenderness, a gesture of farewell, while the P.A.
SYSTEM continues its monotonous monotone...
P.A. SYSTEM
Flight 784 for San Francisco is now
ready for boarding at inmate number
66578, Greely.
INT. PRISON DORMITORY/FUTURE - ETERNAL NIGHT
PRISON P.A. SYSTEM
--number 5429, Garcia -- number 87645, Cole...
COLE, late thirties, dark hair, comes awake in a bunk cage, one
of many stacked four high along both sides of a long dim
corridor. He blinks in the near dark, shaken, disoriented.
Then, as he "recovers" from his very vivid dream, WE GET OUR
FIRST LOOK AT HIS ENVIRONMENT...A WINDOWLESS UNDERGROUND WORLD OF
ETERNAL NIGHT SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE...AN ALMOST COLORLESS
"REALITY" OF BLURRED EDGES AND ECHOEY SOUNDS, MUCH MORE
"DREAMLIKE" THAN HIS DREAM.
Flashlights glare. In the half-light, COLE sees spooky figures,
GUARDS, moving among the locked bunk/cages.
COLE turns and whispers to the occupant of the next cage, JOSE...
COLE
Ssssst! Jose, what's going on?
JOSE's face is almost lost in shadow. What there is of it is
youthful. He's just a scared Puerto Rican kid!
JOSE
"Volunteers" again.
JOSE immediately rolls over and feigns sleep as SCARFACE, a
menacing guard with a jagged scar running down his cheek, looms
close to COLE's cage and unlocks it.
SCARFACE
"Volunteer duty".
The PRISONERS in the other cages watch silently with narrowed eyes.
COLE
I didn't volunteer.
SCARFACE
You causing trouble again?
COLE
(controls his temper)
No trouble.
INT. EQUIPMENT ROOM - ETERNAL NIGHT
COLE's alone, struggling to get into what looks like a space suit
in a room where suits hang like ghosts with blank eyes.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
TITLES BEGIN SUPERED OVER THE SCENE
COLE has the torso of the suit on now and is trying to close it.
OFFSCREEN VOICE (o.s.)
All openings must be closed.
COLE looks for the source of the voice, a tiny grate in the wall.
OFFSCREEN VOICE (o.s.)
If the integrity of the suit is compromised
in any way, if the fabric is torn or a zipper
not closed, readmittance will be denied.
INT. SEALED CHAMBER - MINUTES LATER (ETERNAL NIGHT)
COLE, wearing the "space suit" and a helmet with a plastic visor,
steps into a tiny chamber, a kind of air lock. The heavy door
clangs shut behind him. He's alone. COLE'S breath comes quicker
now as he sucks oxygen from the air tanks on his back.
On the opposite wall is another door with a huge wheel lock.
COLE turns the heavy wheel, opens the door, steps through It
INT. ELEVATOR - SECONDS LATER (ETERNAL NIGHT)
COLE'S in an ascending elevator that groans and creaks. He looks
down at a crudely drawn map he holds in his gloved hand.
The map shows a series of tunnels and ladders.
INT. SEWER PIPE - MINUTES LATER (NIGHT)
COLE pans a flashlight, probing the filthy sewer he's wading through
RATS flee the blade of light, scurry across islands of rusting junk.
The flashlight beam settles on a ladder mounted in the wall.
Reaching the rusted ladder, COLE starts to climb awkwardly.
EXT. CITY STREET/FUTURE - MOMENTS LATER (NIGHT)
A SCRAPING NOISE as a heavy man-hole cover is pushed up and moved
aside. COLE'S helmeted head emerges from below.
COLE'S POV THROUGH HIS PLASTIC-VISORED HELMET: a city in
moonlight! A surreal image of abandoned buildings. No people
anywhere. The only sounds are the WIND and COLE'S BREATHING.
Moving to the nearest car, COLE searches in the vines for
something. Finds it. An insect.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE takes the bug in his gloved hand. As he clumsily inserts it
into a collection tube, something makes him turn.
There's something across the street in the dark. Something alive.
COLE points his flashlight and reveals...a BEAR! Startled by the
light, the animal blinks, then stands on its rear legs and ROARS.
ANGLE ON COLE, staring wide-eyed.
Then, the BEAR sinks down onto all fours and, trying to avoid the
flashlight, it pads quickly down the street.
INT. SUBTERRANEAN PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
Using the flashlight to see, COLE reaches down to the cracked
floor and gets another specimen. DOGSHIT!
The only sound is COLE'S labored BREATHING.
Then, a different SOUND. GRRRR! A dog. More GRRRRS. More
dogs. Then, a YIP. Then, VICIOUS GROWLS. It's a DOGFIGHT!
EXT. STREET - NIGHT (FIRST LIGHT)
A giant OWL, perched on an overhead traffic light, raises its wings
and lifts off...rising higher and higher into the brightening sky.
Below, on the street, COLE trudges along, passing deserted
buildings, windows broken, rusted signs dangling.
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - NIGHT (FIRST LIGHT)
COLE'S light reveals a spider web just inside the store. A large
SPIDER tries to hide from the light.
COLE reaches carefully into the web and plucks the spider and
puts it into one of his specimen tubes.
Then, he shines his light all around the once elegant store. There's
nothing but aisle after aisle of moldering consumer goods.
EXT. DEPARTMENT STORE - DAWN
As COLE comes out of the store, the first rays of the sun hit the
building. COLE stops, squints into the light through his visor.
COLE'S POV: spray-painted on the wall a long time ago is a stenciled
logo of twelve monkeys holding hands in a circle. Over it is
written, "WE DID IT!"
COLE looks up.
COLE'S POV: high up on a building across the street, a LION
patrols a ledge, pauses, looks out majestically over his world.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
TTTLES END
KeepOrientation
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10expected
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
not owed here
5/10light
It restates its note rather than deepening it
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Movement
not owed here
5/10light
It ends about where it started
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
6/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Solid
7/10expected
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a prisoner forced to collect specimens from a post-apocalyptic surface is intriguing and fresh, blending dystopian and ecological themes. The dream sequence adds emotional depth, but the overall concept is not fully explained, leaving some confusion.
Plot
7/10strong
Assessment
The plot moves from a dream to a forced mission, establishing the protagonist's situation and the world's rules. The sequence of events is clear, but the lack of a clear objective for the specimen collection weakens the plot's immediate drive.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the post-apocalyptic genre by focusing on a prisoner's forced mission and the surreal beauty of nature reclaiming the world. The dream sequence adds originality, but some elements (e.g., space suit, specimen collection) are familiar.
Characters
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole is established as a reluctant, observant protagonist with a traumatic past, but his personality is still vague. The supporting characters (Jose, Scarface) are archetypal, and the dream's characters are fleeting.
Character changes
5/10functional
Assessment
Cole changes from a reluctant volunteer to a more determined explorer, but the change is subtle and not fully realized. The dream may foreshadow a deeper change, but it's not yet clear.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to understand his past and find meaning in his existence, driven by the haunting memory of the airport scene and a desire to escape his oppressive reality.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to complete his 'volunteer' mission by collecting specimens from the surface, despite his reluctance and the dangers involved.
Conflict
6/10functional
Assessment
Conflict is present but mostly internal (Cole's reluctance) and external (guards, dangerous animals). The opposition is not yet a clear antagonist, and the stakes of the mission are unclear.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition comes from the guards, the dangerous animals, and the harsh environment. The system itself is an oppressive force, but a clear antagonist is not yet established.
Stakes
6/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are life-threatening (dangerous animals, suit integrity) but the overall mission's stakes are unclear. The personal stakes for Cole are hinted at but not yet defined.
Story forward
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene sets up the premise and introduces the world, but the plot does not advance significantly beyond establishing the mission. The mystery of the surface world and the 'WE DID IT' message create forward momentum.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations: the dream is not a typical flashback, the surface is not a wasteland but a reclaimed wilderness, and the mission's purpose is unclear.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
The dream sequence is emotionally resonant, and the isolation of the surface world is palpable. However, the lack of context for Cole's situation dampens the emotional impact.
Dialogue
5.5/10functional
Assessment
Dialogue is minimal but functional, revealing Cole's defiance and the guards' authority. The P.A. system and offscreen voice add atmosphere, but there's no memorable or distinctive dialogue.
Engagement
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is engaging because of the vivid imagery, the mystery of the world, and the emotional hook of the dream. The reader wants to know what the mission entails and what the 'WE DID IT' means.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is deliberate, moving from the slow, dreamlike opening to the tense preparation and then to the exploratory surface sequence. The rhythm effectively builds atmosphere, though some transitions feel abrupt.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is professional with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of POV and camera angles is effective, but some transitions (e.g., from dream to reality) could be clearer.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic structure: inciting incident (dream), call to action (volunteer duty), preparation, and journey into the unknown. The pacing is effective, but the lack of a clear midpoint or turning point weakens the structure.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with Cole looking at the lion and the 'WE DID IT' graffiti, creating a sense of wonder and mystery. The reader is compelled to continue to learn what happened and what Cole's mission truly is.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has established a compelling premise and a mysterious world, with unresolved questions about the past, the mission, and the 'WE DID IT' message. The momentum is strong, and the reader is invested in Cole's journey.
Expert Critiques
Expert Suggestions
View Analysis
View Script
2 · Cole's Interrogation and Decision
INT. FIRST UNDERGROUND DECONTAMINATION CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT
ROARING WATER, powerful torrents gushing from nozzles in the
wall, pummel the still-suited COLE.
INT. SECOND UNDERGROUND DECONTAMINATION CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT
Stark naked and shivering, COLE is being scrubbed with brushes on
long poles (like the ones used to wash cars) wielded by two HULKING
FIGURES in bulky decontamination suits, their personas lost in their
windowed masks. It's a grim scene in a grim cement room with damp,
dripping walls. From an unseen source comes an AMPLIFIED VOICE,
AMPLIFIED VOICE (o.s.)
Raise your arms above your head.
COLE lifts his arms and the FIGURES start scrubbing his armpits.
INT. TINY CHAMBER - SHORTLY (ETERNAL NIGHT)
Still naked, COLE is seated on a stool while a MASKED TECHNICIAN
in a less elaborate, less bulky decontamination outfit draws
blood from COLE'S arm with an old-fashioned hypodermic needle.
COLE glances toward a single, nearly opaque "window" of thick
plastic in the rusty iron wall. VAGUE FIGURES seem to lurk
behind the translucent aperture, studying him.
The TECHNICIAN slips the blood sample through a slot in the wall.
INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE/FUTURE WORLD - ETERNAL NIGHT
Ushered in by two guards, TINY and SCARFACE, COLE looks around.
COLE'S POV: wails hidden by old headlines, articles, maps, charts...
a blackboard covered with elaborate, sophisticated formulae...surfaces
heaped with cracked monitors, gerry-rigged computers held together
with
string, lasers lost in tangles of cable, ancient tube amplifiers, a
dilapidated cardboard reconstruction of a city, stacks of moldering
books and tattered computer printouts...and, seated at a long
conference
table, staring at COLE, six SCIENTISTS: an ASTROPHYSICIST, ENGINEER,
BOTANIST, MICROBIOLOGIST, ZOOLOGIST, and a GEOLOGIST. They represent
a "modern" science where brilliant new ideas interface with crude,
outdated, patched-together technologies.
TINY
James Cole. Cleared from quarantine.
MICROBIOLOGIST
Thank you. You two wait outside.
SCARFACE
He's got a history, Doctor. Violence.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE'S eyes return to the walls.
Headlines: "CLOCK TICKING! NO CURE YET!"
SCARFACE
Anti-social six -- doing 25 to life.
ENGINEER
I don't think he's going to hurt us. You're
not going to hurt us, are you Mr. Cole?
COLE'S head turns quickly to the ENGINEER.
COLE
No, sir.
The GUARDS exchange a look, shrug, exit, closing the door.
MICROBIOLOGIST
Why don't you sit down, Mr. Cole.
COLE goes to the empty chair at the conference table, sits down.
ASTROPHYSICIST
We want you to tell us about last
night.
COLE
I went to the surface and I collected
specimens like I was told.
The SCIENTISTS don't say anything. They just study him carefully.
COLE
(worried)
I mashed the spider, didn't I?
MICROBIOLOGIST
We'll get to the spider later, Mr.
Cole. Right now, we want to know
everything that you saw.
INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE - AN HOUR LATER (ETERNAL NIGHT)
COLE, starting to look very tired now, stands at the blackboard
sketching a detailed map of exactly where he was last night.
ASTPOPHYSICIST
Where you collected sample #4, what
street was that?
COLE
Uh...
BOTANIST
It's important to observe everything.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE
I think it was...I'm sure it was 2nd Street.
As the SCIENTISTS start to whisper animatedly among themselves,
COLE'S eyes drift across the newspaper clippings taped to the
wall. One headline screams, "VIRUS MUTATING!" Another features
a photo of an OLD MAN (DR. MASON, who we'll see again later on)
and the words, SCIENTIST SAYS, "IT'S TOO LATE FOR CURE".
ASTROPHYSICIST'S VOICE (o.s.)
Close your eyes, Cole.
Startled, COLE closes his eyes obediently.
BLACKNESS. Like COLE, WE SEE NOTHING. But we HEAR their VOICES.
ENGINEER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Tell us in detail what you've seen in
this room.
COLE'S VOICE (o.s.)
Uh, in this room? Uh...
MICROBIOLOGIST'S VOICE (o.s.)
How many of us are there?
COLE'S VOICE (o.s.)
Six...seven, if you count me.
ASTROPHYSICIST'S VOICE (o.s.)
Tell us about the pictures on the wall...
COLE'S VOICE (o.s.)
Uh, you mean the newspapers?
A MONTAGE OF OVERLAPPING VOICES (o.s.)
Tell us about the newspapers. Can you
hear my voice? What do I look like?
What does he look like, the man who
just spoke? How old were you when you
left the surface?
The VOICES blur into a cacophony and FADE INTO the droning P.A.
SYSTEM at the airport.
INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT - DAY
THE DREAM AGAIN! But at an earlier moment. YOUNG COLE, flanked
by his PARENTS, whose faces are out of view, is watching a PLANE
land through one of the big glass windows that lines the concourse
leading to the departure gates.
P.A. SYSTEM (o.s.)
Flight 784 now boarding at gate...
Suddenly, a SHOUT, followed by raised VOICES, interrupts the
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
monotonous airport routine. As YOUNG COLE and his PARENTS turn
to see what's going on, a man we'll call MR. PONYTAIL, his face
averted, hurries past them, bumping YOUNG COLE with a Chicago
Hulls Sports Duffle Bag.
MR. PONYTAIL
WATCH IT!
YOUNG COLE sees little more than the gaudy pants, the duffle, and
the man's ponytail flopping as he rushes towards the gates.
Just then, a WOMAN'S VOICE cries out, "NOOOOOOOOO!"
YOUNG COLE turns back toward the Security Check Point just as
TRAVELERS scatter madly, some diving to the floor, others
running. A TERRIFIED TRAVELER, hitting the floor close by, looks
up at YOUNG COLE with panicky eyes, and asks....
TERRIFIED TRAVELER
Just exactly why did you volunteer?
INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE/FUTURE WORLD - (ETERNAL NIGHT)
COLE comes abruptly awake. Seated now, he's facing the SCIENTISTS.
ASTROPHYSICIST
Wake up, Cole.
COLE
Uh, I didn't hear the...
MICROBIOLOGIST
(tapping a pencil on the table)
I asked you, why did you volunteer?
COLE
Well, the guard woke me up. He told me
I volunteered.
The SCIENTISTS react, whispering urgently among themselves.
COLE starts to nod off again, then comes awake with a start as
the ENGINEER speaks to him.
ENGINEER
We appreciate you volunteering. You're
a very good observer, Cole.
COLE
Uh, thank you.
ENGINEER
You'll get a reduction in sentence.
COLE keeps his face impassive.
ASTROPHYSICIST
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
To be determined by the proper authorities.
ENGINEER
You don't want to jeopardize that reduction,
do you, Cole? Have it taken away?
COLE
No, sir!
ASTROPHYSICIST
We have a very advanced program, something
very different, requires very skilled people.
MICROBIOLOGIST
An opportunity to reduce your sentence
considerably...
ZOOLOGIST
And possibly play an important role in
returning the human race to the surface
of the earth.
ENGINEER
We want tough minded people. Strong
mentally. We've had some...misfortunes
with "unstable" types.
ASTROPHYSICIST
For a man in your position...an opportunity.
BOTANIST
Not to volunteer could be a real mistake.
MICROBIOLOGIST
(tapping his pencil again)
Definitely a mistake!
COLE gives away nothing. He's in a box here. He has no choices.
He stares at the tapping pencil.
KeepInvestigation
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
6/10light
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a post-apocalyptic world with a decontamination process and a volunteer inmate as an observer is intriguing, but the scene focuses more on establishing the setting than on advancing a unique idea.
Plot
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances minimally: Cole is debriefed, his memory is tested, and he is subtly threatened. The scene is more about character and world-building than plot progression.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the post-apocalyptic genre by focusing on the bureaucratic and scientific aspects rather than action, but the interrogation trope is familiar.
Characters
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole is portrayed as passive and observant, but his internal conflict is not deeply explored. The scientists are a collective, interchangeable group, lacking individual distinctiveness.
Character changes
2/10fail
Assessment
Cole does not undergo a significant change in this scene; he remains the same wary, observant character. The scene sets up potential for future change but does not deliver it here.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to survive and avoid jeopardizing his chance at a reduced sentence, driven by a desire for freedom and perhaps a need to understand his own past.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to successfully complete the debriefing and prove himself a capable observer, thereby securing his sentence reduction.
Conflict
5/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is primarily internal for Cole, as he navigates the scientists' probing and the threat of losing his sentence reduction. External conflict is minimal, with the scientists as a passive-aggressive opposition.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is subtle but present: the scientists are not overtly hostile but use psychological pressure and veiled threats to control Cole.
Stakes
6/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are personal for Cole (his sentence reduction) and global (the future of humanity), but they are not emphasized strongly in this scene, feeling more like background information.
Story forward
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by establishing Cole's mission parameters and the scientists' expectations, but it is more of a setup than a progression.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift to the dream sequence and the unexpected question from the terrified traveler, which adds a surreal element.
Emotional impact
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The scene creates a sense of unease and claustrophobia, but the emotional impact is muted due to Cole's passive role and the clinical tone.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional and serves to convey information and tension, but it lacks memorable or distinctive lines. The scientists' speech is formal and clinical, fitting the setting but not adding depth.
Engagement
6.5/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of the mystery surrounding the future world and Cole's role, but the static nature of the interrogation and lack of action may reduce engagement for some readers.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is deliberate and slow, matching the clinical atmosphere, but it may feel too slow for some readers, especially during the extended interrogation.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is professional and follows standard screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of 'ETERNAL NIGHT' is a nice touch, but the scene could benefit from more visual variety.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic interrogation structure with a clear beginning, middle, and end, but it lacks a distinct turning point or climax, making it feel somewhat flat.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a sense of unresolved tension, as Cole is left with no choice but to comply, and the mystery of the mission and the symbol on the wall (mentioned in backstory) lingers, making the reader want to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has built a compelling mystery with the post-apocalyptic world, Cole's past, and the symbol of the twelve monkeys, which keeps the reader invested in the overall story.
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3 · Interruption and Examination
INT. ART GALLERY - NIGHT
A strikingly "real" world of bright colors. Extravagant paintings
adorn the walls. A POET, tiny and ruddy faced, squints over his
glasses as he reads in a booming voice to an AUDIENCE of thirty
seated on folding chairs.
POET
Still among the myriad microwaves, the
infra-red messages, the gigabytes of ones
and zeroes, we find words, infinitesimally
small, byte-sized now, tinier even than
science lurking in some vague electricity
where, if we listen we can hear the solitary
voice of that poet telling us,
"We are no other than a moving row
Of Magic shadow-shapes that come and go
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
Round with the Sun-illumined Lantern hold
In Midnight by the Master of the show."
As the POET reads, we STUDY the audience, mostly YUPPIE CULTURE
JUNKIES or BOHEMIANS. Among them, a light-haired woman of twenty-
eight, soberly dressed, wearing glasses. She's KATHRYN RAILLY. And
it's her beeper that suddenly BEEPS. BEEP! BEEP!
POET'S VOICE (o.s.)
"The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it."
BEEP! BEEP! Scowling at the outrageous interruption, the POET
looks up from the text just as RAILLY, tumbling, shuts off the
beeper and rises, embarrassed. As she makes her way to an exit,
the glaring POET continues...
POET
"Yesterday This Day's Madness did prepare;
Tomorrow's Silence, Triumph or Despair:
Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why:
Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where."
INT. CORRIDOR/POLICE STATION - NIGHT
DETECTIVE FRANKI leads RAILLY past crowded holding cells.
FRANKI
-- so they get there and they ask the guy
real nice for some kind of i.d., and he gets
agitated, starts screaming about viruses.
Totally irrational, totally disoriented,
doesn't know where he is, what day it is,
alla that stuff. All they got was his
name. They figure he's stoned out of
his mind, it's some kinda psychotic
episode, so they're gonna bring him...
RAILLY
He's been tested for drugs?
FRANKI
Negative for drugs. But he took on
five cops like he was dusted to the
eyeballs. No drugs. You believe that?
FRANKI pauses, indicating a tiny observation window of thick meshed
glass in an otherwise solid door, and RAILLY looks through it.
RAILLY'S POV THROUGH THE WINDOW: a MAN, his back to her, in
strait-jacket and prison denims, examining the wall of the padded
cell with the distorted intensity of a "mental case".
RAILLY
You have him in restraints.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
FRANKI
Were you listening? We got two officers in
the hospital. Yeah, he's in restraints, plus
the medic gave him enough stellazine to kill
a horse. Look at him! Still on his feet.
RAILLY'S POV THROUGH THE WINDOW: the MAN in the cell turns, looks
right at her. In spite of the cuts and welts, it's clearly COLE.
RAILLY
That would explain the bruises, I
guess. The struggle.
FRANKI
You want to go in? Examine him?
RAILLY
Yes, please. You said he gave a name...
FRANKI
(unlocking the door)
James Cole. That's everything we got. None
of the James Coles on the computer match him.
No license, no prints, no warrants. Nothing.
You want me to go in with you?
RAILLY
(entering)
No, thank you.
FRANKI
I'll be right here...just in case.
KeepInvestigation
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10expected
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a psychiatrist being called to examine a man from the future who appears as a violent psychotic is intriguing and fresh, blending psychological realism with sci-fi. The use of poetry to underscore themes is a unique touch.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances by introducing Railly and the central mystery of Cole's identity and condition, but the scene is more setup than progression. The connection to the larger mission is implied but not yet explicit.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of poetry and sci-fi, and the use of a psychiatrist as a protagonist is a fresh angle. The dialogue is authentic to the characters.
Characters
6/10functional
Assessment
Kathryn Railly is introduced as a composed, professional woman, but her personality is only sketched. Cole is seen only through a window, adding to his enigma but limiting character development in this scene.
Character changes
1/10fail
Assessment
No significant character change occurs; Railly is introduced but remains static, and Cole is only observed.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Kathryn's internal goal is to understand the truth behind Cole's condition, driven by professional curiosity and a desire to make sense of the irrational.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Kathryn's external goal is to examine Cole and determine his mental state, as requested by the police.
Conflict
5/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is primarily external—the mystery of Cole's violent behavior and the danger he poses—but it is not yet personal for Railly.
Opposition
5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is Cole's unpredictable and violent behavior, but it is not yet a direct obstacle to Railly's goals.
Stakes
5/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are implied—Cole's potential danger and the mystery of his origin—but not yet fully realized.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key character and the central mystery, but it is more of a setup than a turning point.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable in that it introduces a sci-fi element in a realistic setting, but the outcome of Railly entering the cell is somewhat expected.
Emotional impact
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene creates curiosity and unease, but the emotional stakes are low as we have not yet invested in the characters.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is efficient and natural, with Franki's exposition providing necessary context. The poet's verse is thematically resonant but may feel overly literary for some readers.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is engaging because of the intriguing mystery of Cole and the atmospheric contrast, but the lack of immediate action or personal stakes may reduce engagement for some.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is steady, with the poetry reading providing a slow, contemplative start, then quickening as the police procedural unfolds. The transition is a bit jarring but effective.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of POV shots is effective.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene uses a classic two-part structure: an atmospheric opening to establish mood, followed by a procedural introduction to the plot. The transition is abrupt but serves to contrast worlds.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with Railly entering the cell, creating immediate suspense about what she will discover, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the script so far, the mystery of Cole's origin and the mission's stakes are building, and this scene adds a new layer with Railly's involvement, maintaining momentum.
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4 · Confronting the Past
INT. ISOLATION CELL
COLE stares at RAILLY. The environment is intensely real...vivid
colors...each sound, however slight, very distinct, almost loud...
and yet she appears to him almost like a vision.
RAILLY
Mr. Cole? My name is Doctor Railly.
I'm a psychiatrist. I work for the
County -- I don't work for the police.
My only concern is your well being --
do you understand that?
COLE
I need to go now.
RAILLY
I'm going to be completely honest. I'm
not going to lie to you. I can't make
the police let you go...but I do want
to help you. And I want you to trust
me. Can you do that, James? May I
call you "James"?
The concept of a time-displaced inmate being interrogated by a psychiatrist is fresh and intriguing, especially with the twist that 1995 is the past. The scene effectively introduces the core sci-fi premise while grounding it in a character-driven psychological confrontation.
Plot
7/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances by revealing Cole's disorientation and the year discrepancy, setting up the central conflict of his mission and his inability to convince others of his reality. The scene is a turning point in the interrogation, but it's more of a character beat than a major plot event.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of psychological drama and sci-fi, with a fresh take on time travel that focuses on the disorientation of the traveler. The dialogue is authentic to the characters' situations.
Characters
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole is portrayed as agitated yet coherent, with a clear internal logic, while Railly is professional and probing, showing a mix of skepticism and curiosity. Their dynamic is compelling, but the scene doesn't deeply develop either character beyond their immediate roles.
Character changes
4/10weak
Assessment
Cole's change is minimal—he remains fixed on leaving, but his panic at the year reveal shows a crack in his composure. Railly's change is subtle, as she becomes more intrigued, but neither undergoes a significant transformation.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to maintain his sanity and his mission, resisting the pull of this 'past' world that feels real but is not his own. He fears being trapped and losing his purpose.
External goal
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to get out of the cell and continue his mission to gather information, but he is physically restrained and must convince Railly to help him.
Conflict
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is primarily psychological: Cole's need to leave versus Railly's need to understand, and the larger conflict of his reality versus hers. The tension is palpable but not physically intense, relying on verbal sparring.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is Railly's skepticism and the institutional system that confines Cole, but it's not overtly hostile; it's a more subtle, psychological opposition.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high for Cole—his freedom and his mission—but the scene focuses on the immediate interrogation, so the larger stakes are implied rather than felt. The personal stakes are clear, but the global stakes are background.
Story forward
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by establishing the central mystery of Cole's time travel and his mission, setting up the conflict with the authorities and Railly's potential role. It's a key setup scene.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the audience is led to believe Cole is delusional, but the reveal that 1995 is the past flips expectations, making the scene's outcome surprising.
Emotional impact
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The emotional impact comes from Cole's desperation and the shocking reveal that he's in the wrong time, which creates a sense of empathy and unease. However, the scene is more intellectually engaging than emotionally wrenching.
Dialogue
8/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is sharp and purposeful, with each line revealing character and advancing the mystery. The exchange about the air and the year is particularly effective, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, like 'I have to go' repeated too often.
Engagement
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of the mystery surrounding Cole's identity and the gradual revelation of his temporal dislocation, which keeps the reader curious and invested in the outcome.
Pacing
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is deliberate, with short, punchy exchanges that build tension, but the repetition of 'I have to go' slightly slows the momentum. The final reveal is well-timed.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is clean and standard, with clear action lines and dialogue. The use of parentheticals is minimal but effective, and the scene is easy to visualize.
Structure
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic interrogation structure with a gradual reveal, building to the climactic year reveal. It's well-paced, but the structure is fairly linear and predictable until the twist.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends on a shocking reveal that makes the reader want to see how Railly reacts and what happens next, creating a strong pull to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
Given the setup of Cole's mission and the mystery of the twelve monkeys, the script has strong momentum, and this scene deepens the intrigue, making the reader eager to see how the story unfolds.
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5 · Arrival at the Mental Institution
INT. POLICE STATION CORRIDOR - MORNING
COLE, bound tightly by the strait-jacket, heavy manacles on his
ankles, is being escorted down the corridor by two surly POLICEMEN.
COLE
Where are you taking me?
POLICEMAN #1
South of France, buddy. Fancy hotel.
You're gonna love it.
COLE
South of France?! I don't want to go
to the South of France. I want to make
a telephone call.
POLICEMAN #2 smirks as he unlocks a heavy steel door.
POLICEMAN #2
Zip it, scumbag -- you fooled the shrink
with your act, but you don't fool us.
Then, POLICEMAN #2 swings the steel door open and sunlight
overwhelms COLE, blinding him in a dazzling fury of white light.
EXT. CITY STREET/MINI-VAN - DAY
A Mini-van, the kind of vehicle used to transport a half dozen
prisoners, crawls through a busy street. The Police Department
logo is prominent on the side of the van beneath barred windows.
INT. COUNTY HOSPITAL/SHOWERS - AN HOUR LATER (MORNING)
Fierce spray recalls the decontamination in the future. COLE
stands stark naked under the shower while two muscular attendants,
PALMER and BILLINGS, supervise.
As PALMER shuts off the water, BILLINGS hands COLE a towel and
starts inspecting his scalp...
BILLINGS
Lemme see your head, Jimbo, see if you
got any creepy crawlies.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE
I need to make a telephone call.
BILLINGS
(pulling Cole's head)
Gotta work that out with a doctor, Jimbo.
Can't make no calls 'til the doctor says.
COLE
It's very important.
BILLINGS
What chew gotta do, Jimbo, is take it
easy, relax into things. We all gonna
get along fine if you just relax.
COLE gets the hint of menace in the message and submits to the
lice inspection, only his eyes revealing his frustration.
INT. HOSPITAL/DAYROOM - HALF AN HOUR LATER (DAY)
COLE stands in the doorway, stunned by his first sight of the
large room. His eyes go to the heavily-grilled windows where
light pours in from outside. Then, to the TV, where a CARTOON
COMMERCIAL makes raucous noises.
PATIENTS, in K-Mart street clothes or ratty robes, stare gloomily
at the TV, or play cards, pace, or just stare blankly.
BILLINGS is at COLE'S side, beckoning to a patient, JEFFREY MASON,
a twenty year old white youth dressed in khakis and a plaid shirt.
BILLINGS
Jeffrey. Yo! Jeffrey. This here is James.
Whyncha show James around? Tell him the TV
rules, show him the games an' stuff, okay?
JEFFREY
(with a sly look)
How much you gonna pay me? Huh? I'd
be doing your job.
BILLINGS
Five thousand dollars, my man. That
enough? I'll wire it to your account
as usual, okay?
JEFFREY
Okay, Billings. Five thousand. That's
enough. Five thousand dollars. I'll
give him the Deluxe Mental Hospital Tour.
As BILLINGS walks away chuckling, JEFFREY turns to COLE.
JEFFREY
Kid around, kid around. It makes them feel
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
good, we're all pals. We're prisoners, they're
the guards, but it's all in good fun, you see?
COLE nods and JEFFREY indicates card tables where PATIENTS are
playing cards, checkers, chess, or working on jig saw puzzles.
JEFFREY
Here's the games. Games vegitize you.
If you play the games, you're
voluntarily taking a tranquilizer.
COLE sees a partially completed puzzle of the well-known painting,
THE PEACEABLE KINGDOM, depicting a serene world of animals in harmony.
JEFFREY
What'd they give you? Thorazine? How
much? Learn your drugs -- know your doses.
COLE
I need to make a telephone call.
JEFFREY
A telephone call? That's communication
with the outside world! Doctor's
discretion. Hey, if alla these nuts
could just make phone calls, it could
spread. Insanity oozing through telephone
cables, oozing into the ears of all those
poor sane people, infecting them! Whackos
everywhere! A plague of madness.
(suddenly sly and confidential)
In fact, very few of us here are actually
mentally ill. I'm not saying you're
not mentally ill, for all I know you're
crazy as a loon. But that's not why
you're here. Why you're here is because
of the system, because of the economy.
(indicating the TV)
There's the TV. It's all right there.
Commercials. We are not productive
anymore, they don't need us to make
things anymore, it's all automated. What
are we for then? We're consumers. Okay,
buy a lot of stuff, you're a good citizen.
But if you don't buy a lot of stuff, you
know what? You're mentally ill! That's
a fact! If you don't buy things...toilet
paper, new cars, computerized blenders,
electrically operated sexual devices...
(getting hysterical)
SCREWDRIVERS WITH MINIATURE BUILT-IN
RADAR DEVICES, STEREO SYSTEMS WITH
BRAIN IMPLANTED HEADPHONES, VOICE-
ACTIVATED COMPUTERS, AND...
A woman orderly, TERRY, turns from the feeble PATIENT she's helping.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
TERRY
Take it easy, Jeffrey. Be calm.
Abruptly, JEFFREY stifles his hysteria, takes a deep breath and
continues, completely calm now. But COLE isn't listening. He's
mesmerized by the TV.
JEFFREY
So if you want to watch a particular
program, say "All My Children" or
something, you go to the Charge Nurse
and tell her what day and time the show
you want to see is on. But you have to
tell her before the show is scheduled
to be on. There was this one guy who
was always requesting shows that had already
played. He couldn't quite grasp the
idea that the Charge Nurse couldn't
just make it be yesterday for him, turn
back time ha ha. What a fruitcake!!
This last thought actually penetrates COLE'S focus on the TV and
he turns to JEFFREY who's picking up speed again.
JEFFREY
Seriously, more and more people are
being defined now as mentally ill. Why?
Because they're not consuming on their
own. But as patients, they becone
consumers of mental health care. And
this gives the so-called sane people work!
(hysteria again)
WHOOO! SHOCK THERAPY! GROUP THERAPY!
HALLUCINATIONS! THERAPEUTIC DRUGS!
IGGIDY DIGGIDY DIG! PERFECT! THE
SYSTEM IN HARMONY LIKE A BIG MACHINE...
TERRY
Okay, that's it, Jeffrey, you're gonna
get a shot. I warned you...
JEFFREY
(calming himself, smiling)
Right! Right! Carried away, heh heh.
I got "carried away". Explaining the
workings of...the institution.
Just then, TJ WASHINGTON, a somber-looking African American in a
bathrobe, taps COLE on the shoulder.
TJ WASHINGTON
I don't really come from outer space.
JEFFREY
This is TJ Washington, Jim -- he
doesn't really come from outer space.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
TJ WASHINGTON
Don't mock me, my friend.
(to Cole)
It's a condition of "mental divergence".
I find myself on another planet, Ogo,
part of an intellectual elite, preparing
to subjugate barbarian hordes on Pluto.
But even though it's a totally convincing
reality in every way...I can feel, breathe,
hear...nevertheless, Ogo is actually a
construct of my psyche. I am mentally
divergent in that I am escaping certain
unnamed realities that plague my life
here. When I stop going there, I will
be well. Are you also divergent, friend?
The P.A. SYSTEM interrupts, startling COLE.
P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
James Cole. Report to Staff. James Cole!
JEFFREY
Staff! Whoo! Time for Staff. Now the
geniuses cure you. Hallelujah!
PolishOrientation
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Broken
4/10expected
Nothing is driving it
No page-visible force — antagonist, deadline, need, threat, rule, condition — pushes the beats; the scene proceeds without anything making it happen.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
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Development
Broken
4/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Broken
4/10expected
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
not owed here
5/10light
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
5/10expected
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
4/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
5/10expected
The exit does not pull forward
At the close there is no open question or live threat — no reason to turn the page.
It settles at the exit rather than pulling on
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a future prisoner navigating a past mental institution is strong, and the scene's satirical take on consumerism and mental health is fresh. However, the execution feels more like a thematic detour than a plot driver.
Plot
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The plot is mostly static; Cole is processed and introduced to the ward, but the scene's focus is on atmosphere and character introduction rather than advancing the main narrative. The 'telephone call' goal is a thread, but it's not developed here.
Originality
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its satirical take on mental health and consumerism, and the character of Jeffrey is a fresh archetype. The dialogue is authentic to the characters, though some themes are familiar from other dystopian works.
Characters
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Jeffrey is a standout, with a distinctive, manic voice that carries the scene. Cole is reactive and internal, which is appropriate but limits his presence. TJ Washington adds a layer of philosophical depth, but the supporting cast is otherwise flat.
Character changes
2/10fail
Assessment
Cole does not change significantly; he remains disoriented and passive. The scene sets up his environment but doesn't challenge or develop his character arc.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to maintain his sanity and sense of self in a world that labels him insane. He needs to find a way to communicate his true situation and escape the system that confines him.
External goal
5/10functional
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to make a telephone call, which he believes will connect him to his mission or his future. This goal is simple but unattainable in the current environment.
Conflict
5/10functional
Assessment
Conflict is present but muted; Cole's internal resistance against the system is clear, but external opposition is mostly passive (guards, orderlies). The scene lacks a direct confrontation or rising tension.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is systemic rather than personal; the guards, orderlies, and even the patients represent a system that confines Cole. The opposition is passive but pervasive, creating a sense of helplessness.
Stakes
4/10weak
Out of step with your script — stakes holds up in your other scenes.
Assessment
The stakes are low in this scene; Cole's immediate goal is a phone call, and the larger mission is not referenced. The threat of the institution is implied but not immediate.
Story forward
4/10weak
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward minimally, primarily by establishing the setting and introducing potential allies/antagonists. The main plot (Cole's mission) is on hold.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of a typical mental hospital scene; instead of horror, it offers dark humor and philosophical rants. The introduction of TJ Washington and the Peaceable Kingdom puzzle adds unexpected layers.
Emotional impact
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The scene evokes a sense of helplessness and absurdity, but the emotional impact is diluted by the lengthy monologue and lack of a personal stake for Cole in this moment.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is sharp and characterful, especially Jeffrey's rants, which are both funny and unsettling. However, some exchanges feel exposition-heavy, and Cole's repeated 'telephone call' line becomes repetitive without variation.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of its vivid, satirical dialogue and the unsettling atmosphere of the asylum. The characters, especially Jeffrey, are memorable and keep the reader invested despite the lack of plot movement.
Pacing
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is uneven; the opening is brisk, but the middle sags during Jeffrey's extended monologue. The scene picks up again with the P.A. announcement, but the overall rhythm feels disjointed.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of parentheticals and character cues is consistent, though some action lines are dense.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic 'tour' structure, moving from processing to introduction to the ward. It's effective for world-building but lacks a clear turning point or climax, making it feel episodic.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 5.5/10
The scene ends with a call to 'Staff,' which creates a mild hook, but the scene is largely self-contained. The reader may want to continue to see what happens to Cole, but the immediate cliffhanger is weak.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the whole script so far, the reader is pulled forward by the mystery of Cole's mission and his disorientation. The threads of the future world and the symbol of the twelve monkeys are intriguing, but this scene doesn't advance them, so momentum is maintained by prior hooks.
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6 · Confrontation in the Psych Ward
INT. PSYCH WARD CONFERENCE ROOM - MINUTES LATER (DAY)
COLE is agitated, speaking forcefully.
COLE
This is a place for crazy people! I'm
not crazy!
RAILLY, four other PSYCHIATRIC RESIDENTS, including RAILLY'S best
friend, MARILOU MARTIN, and their chief, DR. OWEN FLETCHER, sit
around a beat-up conference table, watching COLE, who sits facing
the doctors, with BILLINGS looming behind him. (Some of the DOCTORS
bear a strong resemblance to the SCIENTISTS OF THE FUTURE.)
RESIDENT #1
We don't use that term..."crazy", Mr. Cole.
COLE
Well, you've got some real nuts in here!
Listen to me, all of you -- I have to
tell you something that's going to be
difficult for you to understand, but...
DR. RAILLY
James...please. These are all doctors
here and we want to help you.
DR. FLETCHER
Mr. Cole -- last night you told Dr.
Railly you thought it was...
(checking a file)
1995. ... How about right now? Do you
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
know what year it is right now?
COLE
1989. Look, I'm not confused. There's been
a mistake, I've been sent to the wrong place.
Suddenly, COLE reaches out and BILLINGS lunges forward, but COLE
is just grabbing a pad and pencil.
COLE
Hey, I'm not going to hurt anybody.
FLETCHER restrains BILLINGS with a hand signal.
COLE
(drawing)
Do any of you know anything about the
Army of the Twelve Monkeys? They paint
this, stencil it, on buildings, all
over the place.
COLE waves a sketch of the dancing monkey logo we saw earlier.
DR. CASEY
Mr. Cole...
COLE
Right. I guess you wouldn't, this is
1989, they're probably not active yet.
That makes sense! Okay. Listen to me,
three billion people died in 1995.
Three billion, got that? Almost
the whole population. Of the world!
Only about one percent survived.
DOCTORS exchange knowing looks. This is an old story, apparently.
RESIDENT #2
Are you going to save us, Mr. Cole?
COLE
Save you? How can I save you? It
already happened! I can't save you. I'm
simply trying to get some information for
people in the present so that someday...
(sees their eyes)
You don't believe me. You think I'm
crazy. But I'm not crazy. I'm a convict,
sure, I have a quick temper, but I'm as
sane as anyone in this room. I...
COLE stops, sees DR. FLETCHER tapping his pencil. COLE'S seen
that tapping before -- in the future! It disorients him.
DR. RAILLY
Can you tell us the name of the prison
you've come from?
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE doesn't answer. He's staring at the tapping pencil.
DR. FLETCHER
Does this bother you, Mr. Cole?
COLE
(recovering, new tack)
No! Look, I don't belong here! What I
need to do is make a telephone call to
straighten everything out.
DR. FLETCHER
Who would you call, Mr. Cole, who would
straighten everything out?
COLE
Scientists. I'm supposed to report in
to them. They'll want to know they
sent me to the wrong time.
DR. FLETCHER
So you could talk to these scientists
and they do what? Send you to the future?
COLE
No, no. I can't talk to them. It's called,
"voice mail". I'm supposed to leave messages.
They monitor it from the present.
RESIDENT #2
"From the present." We're not in the
present now, Mr. Cole?
COLE
No, no. This is the past. This has
already happened. Listen...
RESIDENT #3
Mr. Cole, you belong in 1995 -- that's
the present, is that it?
COLE
No, 1995 is the past, too. Look...
DR. FLETCHER
These scientists, Mr. Cole? Are they
doctors like ourselves?
Two of the residents exchange quick knowing looks.
COLE
No! I mean yes, but... Look, I've been given
a lot of drugs but I'm still perfectly lucid.
You have to let me use the phone. One call!
The concept of a time traveler being trapped in a mental institution is a classic sci-fi trope, but the execution here is fresh because it focuses on the bureaucratic and psychological resistance rather than action. The visual parallel between the doctors and future scientists is a clever visual cue that reinforces the theme of cyclical power structures.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's predicament but does not introduce new plot points; it deepens the conflict between Cole and the institution. The scene's main plot function is to solidify the doctors' diagnosis of Cole as delusional, which will likely lead to his institutionalization, raising the stakes for his escape.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its specific details, such as the doctors resembling the future scientists and the use of the pencil tapping as a trigger. The dialogue is authentic to the situation, but the overall scenario of a time traveler in a mental institution is a familiar trope, though handled with a fresh perspective.
Characters
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole is portrayed as desperate and logically consistent within his own reality, but the scene does not reveal new facets of his character. The doctors are somewhat one-dimensional, serving as a collective skeptical force rather than individual personalities, which limits character development.
Character changes
2/10fail
Assessment
Cole does not change significantly in this scene; he remains consistent in his claims and desperation. The doctors' skepticism is reinforced, but no character undergoes a transformation. The scene is more about reinforcing the status quo than changing it.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to maintain his sanity and identity in the face of disbelief, driven by his need to be heard and his fear of being trapped in a world that is not his own.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to convince the doctors to let him make a phone call to the scientists, so he can report his incorrect time placement and get back on mission.
Conflict
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is primarily verbal and psychological, with Cole fighting against the doctors' disbelief. The power imbalance is clear, and Cole's frustration is palpable, but the conflict lacks physical stakes in this scene, making it less intense than it could be.
Opposition
7/10strong
Assessment
The opposition is the collective skepticism of the doctors, who are united in their belief that Cole is delusional. They are not actively hostile but are immovable in their stance, which creates a frustrating barrier for Cole. The opposition is strong in its unanimity but lacks a personal antagonist.
Stakes
6/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are high for Cole personally—he is trapped in a mental institution and cannot complete his mission—but the scene does not escalate the stakes beyond this personal predicament. The fate of humanity is mentioned but not felt as an immediate threat in this scene.
Story forward
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by confirming that Cole will be institutionalized, which is a setback for his mission. It also introduces the idea that the doctors resemble the future scientists, hinting at a connection that may be explored later.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is somewhat predictable in that the doctors do not believe Cole, but the specific details, such as the pencil tapping disorienting him, and the doctors' resemblance to the future scientists, add elements of unpredictability that keep the audience guessing about the larger plot.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The emotional impact is moderate; the audience feels Cole's desperation and frustration, but the scene's repetitive nature may dilute the emotional punch. The moment when Cole sees the pencil tapping and becomes disoriented is a brief emotional beat that adds depth.
Dialogue
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is functional and serves the conflict, but it is repetitive. Cole's pleas and the doctors' clinical responses create a circular argument that, while realistic, lacks the sharpness or wit that could make the scene more dynamic. The best line is Cole's 'I'm as sane as anyone in this room,' which is a strong moment of defiance.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it puts the audience in Cole's shoes, feeling his frustration as he tries to convince the doctors. The tension is palpable, and the audience is invested in whether he will succeed or be dismissed. The visual echo of the doctors resembling the future scientists adds a layer of intrigue.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is steady but not dynamic; the back-and-forth dialogue maintains a consistent rhythm but lacks variation. The scene could benefit from a moment of acceleration or a sudden shift to increase tension, but as is, it moves at a moderate pace that fits the interrogation setting.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The use of parentheticals for actions like '(drawing)' is effective. The scene is easy to visualize, and the formatting does not distract from the content.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic interrogation structure, with Cole as the subject and the doctors as the interrogators. It builds tension through a series of questions and Cole's increasingly desperate responses, but the structure is somewhat repetitive, with no major turning point or revelation.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole's desperate plea for a phone call, leaving the audience wondering if the doctors will grant it or if he will be committed. The unresolved tension and the hint of the doctors' connection to the future make the reader want to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has established multiple threads: Cole's mission, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and the mystery of the future. This scene reinforces the obstacle of the institution, but the overall momentum is maintained by the larger questions of time travel and the fate of humanity, which keep the reader engaged.
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7 · Confusion and Agitation in the Hospital
INT. LOW RENT APARTMENT - DAY
Four little KIDS SCREAM and SQUABBLE while the phone CHIRPS
insistently in the tiny, cluttered apartment and a harried MOTHER
lunges for the phone, answers sharply...
MOTHER
Yes?
(listens, frowns, then)
Whaaaaat? "Voice mail"! I don't know
what you're talkin' about. ... Is this
a joke? I don't know any scientists.
James who? Never heard of you!
The MOTHER slams down the phone.
INT. RAILLY'S OFFICE/COUNTY HOSPITAL - DAY
A dismayed COLE still has the receiver in his hand. Sympathetically,
RAILLY takes it from him.
RAILLY
It wasn't who you expected?
COLE is clearly agitated, starts to pace, upset. Nuts?
COLE
It was some lady. She didn't know anything.
RAILLY
Perhaps it was a wrong number...
COLE
No. That's the reason they chose me --
I remember things.
RAILLY frowns, studying the distracted man with intense interest.
It's clear COLE is becoming a special patient and RAILLY'S cool,
detached demeanor is giving way ever so slightly.
RAILLY
James, where did you grow up? Was it
around here? Around Baltimore?
COLE
(lost in thought)
What?
RAILLY
I have the...strangest feeling I've met
you before...a long time ago, perhaps.
Were you ever...?
COLE
Wait! This is only 1989! I'm supposed
to be leaving messages in 1995. It's
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
not the right number yet. That's the
problem. Damn! How can I contact them?
RAILLY recovers her distance, her poise, as she takes a bottle,
pours out some tablets, and holds them out to COLE.
RAILLY
James, take these.
(watching him step back)
Please -- I helped you like I said I
would. Now I want you to trust me.
INT. AIRPORT CONCOURSE - DAY (THE DREAM)
MR. PONYTAIL races past the startled YOUNG COLE.
MR. PONYTAIL
WATCH IT!
Was it JEFFREY wearing gaudy pants and a ponytail? It was
definitely JEFFREY'S VOICE.
TRAVELERS dive for cover as a WOMAN'S VOICE cries out...
WOMAN'S VOICE
NOOOOOOOOOO!
The TERRIFIED TRAVELER looks up at YOUNG COLE, makes eye contact, but
doesn't speak. The TERRIFIED TRAVELER looks a lot like DR. FLETCHER!
Just then, YOUNG COLE is distracted by a running figure. It's
the BLONDE MAN in the Hawaiian shirt, but he's not injured. He's
sprinting toward the gates, glancing back over his shoulder, his
moustache slightly askew!
A sharp CRACK of a GUNSHOT rings out! Then, DAZZLING LIGHT.
Everything goes white!
INT. DORMITORY (PSYCH WARD)/COUNTY HOSPITAL - NIGHT
COLE'S eyes blink awake, blinded by a flashlight.
He's lying in one of thirty beds in a darkened ward. Disoriented.
Which world is this? The room is full of BREATHING, SNORING,
occasional MOANS. He can barely discern the shadowy figures of
an ORDERLY and a NURSE, making their rounds, checking each bed.
His eyes adjusting to the darkness, COLE watches them exit.
He turns and sees a patch of moonlight coming in a barred window.
With a quick glance at the sleeping PATIENTS, he slips out of
bed, makes his way stealthily to the window, peers out.
COLE'S POV: the moon, glowing in the sky, illuminating a single
tree. Under the tree, in silhouette, a COUPLE embraces, kisses.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
ANGLE ON COLE, looking out the window, absorbed.
VOICE (o.s.)
It won't work. You can't open it.
Alarmed, COLE turns, sees JEFFREY in the next bed.
JEFFREY
You think you can remove the grill but
you can't. It's welded.
COLE checks the grill anyway.
JEFFREY
See? I toldja. And all the doors are
locked, too. They're protecting the
people on the outside from us. But the
people outside are as crazy as us.
COLE has become preoccupied with a small SPIDER creeping along
the window sill. He's staring at it when he's distracted by a
sudden SOUND. Grabbing the SPIDER, COLE scrambles back into bed
just as the door opens and an ORDERLY probes the dark room with
the blade of his flashlight.
ANGLE ON COLE, in bed, feigning sleep.
The flashlight clicks off and COLE hears the door close.
For a long moment the ward is silent except for BREATHING,
SNORES, occasional MOANS. Then, COLE hears JEFFREY'S hoarse
whisper, picking up right where he left off.
JEFFREY
You know what "crazy" is? "crazy" is
"majority rules". Take germs for example.
Although COLE is preoccupied with the SPIDER struggling to get
out of his fist, he can't help reacting to the word, "germs"!
COLE
Germs?!
JEFFREY
In the 18th century there was no such
thing! Nobody'd ever imagined such a
thing -- no sane person anyway. Along
comes this doctor...Semmelweiss, I
think. He tries to convince people...
other doctors mostly...that there are
these teeny tiny invisible "bad things"
called germs that get into your body and
make you...sick! He's trying to get
doctors to wash their hands. What is
this guy...crazy? Teeny tiny invisible
whaddayou call 'em?..."germs"!
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
As JEFFREY warms to his subject, getting excited, COLE tries to
figure out where to put the SPIDER.
JEFFREY (cont.)
So cut to the 20th century! Last week
in fact, right before I got dragged
into this hellhole. I order a burger
in this fast food joint. The waiter
drops it on the floor. He picks it up,
wipes it off, hands it to me...like it
was all okay.
No alternative. COLE pops the SPIDER in his mouth and swallows
it as JEFFREY prattles on...
JEFFREY
"What about the germs?" I say. He
goes, "I don't believe in germs. Germs
are just a plot they made up so they
can sell you disinfectants and soap!"
Now, he's crazy, right? Hey, you
believe in germs, don't you?
COLE
I'm not crazy.
JEFFREY
Of course not, I never thought you were.
You want to escape, right? That's very
sane. I can help you. You want me to,
don't you? Get you out?
COLE
If you know how to escape, why don't you...?
JEFFREY
Why don't I escape, that's what you
were going to ask me, right? 'Cause
I'd be crazy to escape! I'm all taken
care of, see? I've sent out word.
COLE
What's that mean?
JEFFREY
I've managed to contact certain underlings,
evil spirits, secretaries of secretaries, and
assorted minions, who will contact my father.
When he learns I'm in this kind of place,
he'll have them transfer me to one of those
classy joints where they treat you...properly.
LIKE A GUEST! LIKE A PERSON! SHEETS!
TOWELS! LIKE A BIG HOTEL WITH GREAT DRUGS
FOR THE NUT CASE LUNATIC MANIAC DEVILS...
PATIENTS are waking up as the NURSE and two ORDERLIES burst into the
dorm and head straight for JEFFREY who's struggling to calm himself.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
JEFFREY
Sorry. Really sorry. Got a little
agitated. The thought of escaping
crossed my mind and suddenly...suddenly
I felt LIKE BENDING THE FUCKING BARS
BACK, RIPPING OFF THE GODDAMN WINDOW
FRAMES AND...EATING THEM, YES, EATING
THEM, AND LEAPING, LEAPING...
COLE watches the ORDERLIES grab JEFFREY and haul him away.
JEFFREY
You dumb assholes! I'm a mental patient!
I'm supposed to act out. Wait til you
morons find out who I am. My father's
gonna be really upset. AND WHEN MY
FATHER GETS UPSET, THE GROUND SHAKES!
MY FATHER IS GOD! I WORSHIP MY FATHER.
PolishOrientation
No lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Broken
4/10expected
Nothing is driving it
No page-visible force — antagonist, deadline, need, threat, rule, condition — pushes the beats; the scene proceeds without anything making it happen.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Ask the AI
Development
Broken
4/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Broken
4/10expected
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
not owed here
5/10light
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10core
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
5/10core
The emphasis is misplaced
Page space and pacing emphasize the wrong beats — the important turn is rushed/buried while minor business is lingered on.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
6/10expected
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Drama, Sci-Fi, Psychological Thriller Tone:
Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense, Dark
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
8/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a time-displaced man in a psych ward, paired with a philosophical inmate, is fresh and thematically rich. The spider-eating moment is a striking visual that encapsulates Cole's primal need to control his environment.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's immediate goal (contacting the future) and his subplot of escape, but the dream sequence interrupts the forward momentum, making the scene feel more like a character study than a plot driver.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of sci-fi and psychological drama, with the spider-eating and Jeffrey's germ monologue offering fresh takes on familiar tropes of institutionalization and time travel.
Characters
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's desperation and Jeffrey's manic intelligence are well-drawn, but the scene leans heavily on Jeffrey's monologue, leaving Cole slightly reactive. The mother on the phone is a brief but effective foil.
Character changes
4/10weak
Assessment
Cole's resolve to escape is reinforced, but he doesn't fundamentally change; Jeffrey's introduction offers a potential ally but also a cautionary tale, subtly shifting Cole's perception of 'crazy'.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to maintain his sanity and prove his reality to others, driven by a need to be believed and a fear of being trapped in a world that isn't his.
External goal
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to contact the scientists in 1995 and escape the psych ward.
Conflict
7/10strong
Assessment
Conflict is present on multiple levels: Cole vs. the system, Cole vs. his own disorientation, and the philosophical clash between Cole's literal reality and Jeffrey's metaphorical one.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
Opposition comes from the institutional system (locked doors, orderlies) and the psychological barrier of Cole's own disorientation, as well as the dismissive mother on the phone.
Stakes
6/10functional
Assessment
Stakes are high for Cole (freedom, sanity, his mission), but the scene's focus on philosophical banter lowers the immediate tension.
Story forward
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story by establishing the psych ward setting and introducing Jeffrey as a potential escape resource, but the phone call failure and dream sequence are more atmospheric than plot-advancing.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the spider-eating is a shocking, unexpected action, and Jeffrey's monologue takes a philosophical turn that subverts expectations of a typical psych ward scene.
Emotional impact
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene evokes empathy for Cole's isolation and a dark amusement at Jeffrey's rant, but the emotional arc is undercut by the dream sequence's detachment.
Dialogue
8/10strong
Assessment
Jeffrey's monologue is a standout, blending humor and philosophy, but some of Cole's lines are functional rather than revealing. The dialogue effectively contrasts their worldviews.
Engagement
7.5/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of Jeffrey's compelling monologue and the visual of Cole eating the spider, which creates a memorable moment that keeps the reader invested in Cole's plight.
Pacing
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is effective in building tension through the phone call and the dream, but the long monologue slows the rhythm, creating a contemplative pause that may lose some momentum.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The dream sequence is clearly delineated, though the transition from the phone call to the dream is abrupt.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic 'failed attempt, then new ally' structure, but the dream sequence is a non-linear insert that, while thematically relevant, disrupts the flow.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Jeffrey being hauled away, leaving Cole alone and the question of whether Jeffrey's escape plan will materialize, creating a hook that makes the reader want to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong due to Cole's unresolved mission and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, but this scene's focus on character interaction rather than plot progression slightly tempers the urge to continue.
Expert Critiques
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View Script
8 · The Escape Plan
INT. WARD DAYROOM - MORNING
ANGLE ON TV SCREEN/A VIDEO IMAGE OF A LAB MONKEY, convulsing
pathetically, a victim of shocks from the numerous wires attached
to his tiny, restrained body.
ANGLE ON COLE, sitting, writing intensely in a magazine with
crayon, surrounded by dull-eyed PATIENTS in pajamas and ratty
robes, staring at the shuddering LAB MONKEY on the TV screen.
JEFFREY'S VOICE (o.s.)
Torture! Experiments! We're all
monkeys
COLE locks up, startled, as JEFFREY, one eye bruised black, takes
the seat next to him.
COLE
They hurt you!
JEFFREY
Not as bad as what they're doing to
kitty.
ANGLE ON TV, showing a laboratory CAT turning in mad circles,
eating its own tail, while a NEWS REPORTER narrates.
TV NEWS REPORTER (v.o.)
These video tapes were obtained by
animal rights activists who worked
underground as laboratory assistants
for several months. Authorities say
there is little they can do until...
The video footage now shows LAB WORKERS watching the results of
their experiments passively.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
ANGLE ON COLE, reacting angrily.
COLE
Look at those assholes, they're asking
for it! Maybe people deserved to be
wiped out!
JEFFREY
(startled, turning)
Wiping cut the human race! That's a
great idea! But it's more of a long
term thing -- right now we have to
focus on more immediate goals.
(sudden whisper)
I didn't say a word about "you know
what".
COLE
What are you talking about???
JEFFREY
You know -- your plan.
As COLE stares, befuddled, JEFFREY sees COLE'S magazine.
JEFFREY
What're you writing? You a reporter?
COLE
(shielding the magazine)
It's private.
JEFFREY
A lawsuit? You going to sue them?
Just then BILLINGS looms over COLE, extending a cup full of pills.
BILLINGS
Yo, James -- time to take your meds.
INT. DAY ROOM/HOSPITAL - THIRTY MINUTES LATER (MORNING)
ANGLE ON THE TV, a commercial playing: a beautiful couple romps
in the surf in slow motion while an eager NARRATOR encourages...
NARRATOR (v.o.)
Take a chance. Live the moment. Sunshine.
Gorgeous beaches. The Florida Keys!
ANGLE ON COLE, very drugged, seated in front of the TV along with
other drugged PATIENTS, staring at the screen.
ANGLE ON THE TV, showing a picture of the Marx Brothers.
TV AWNOUNCER (v.o.)
We'll return to the Marx Brothers in
"Monkey Business" following these
COLE sees JEFFREY sliding into the next chair and smirking.
JEFFREY
Get it? Monk - Key. Monk!
(big grin)
Key!
JEFFREY flashes his palm open for one quick moment. A KEY!
COLE
(groggy)
What....???
JEFFREY
Wooooo, they really dosed you, bro.
Major load! Listen up -- try and get
it together. Focus! Focus! The plan!
Remember? I did my part.
COLE
What...???
JEFFREY
Not, "what", babe! When!
"When???"
JEFFREY
(pressing the key into Cole's hand)
Now!
VOICE/TV (o.s.)
Let us guide you to the stocks and
bonds that will enhance your portfolio.
JEFFREY
(leaping to his feet)
YES -- NOW! BUY NOW! STOCKS AND BONDS!
NO MORE MONKEY BUSINESS -- BUY NOW.
ANGLE ON TV, almost mimicking JEFFREY with an ad...a BULL and a
BEAR and a computer screen showing stock prices fluctuating.
VOICE/TV (v.o.)
A portfolio tailored to your specific
needs and the needs of your loved ones...
ANGLE ON COLE, dumbfounded, watching JEFFREY dance crazily.
JEFFREY
YES, YES. ENHANCE YOUR PORTFOLIO NOW!
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
ANGLE ON BILLINGS, across the ward, reacting to JEFFREY, lets go
of the OLD MAN he's helping as another orderly, TERRY, presses a
beeper, calling for help.
ANGLE ON COLE, flabbergasted, as JEFFREY cavorts around the room.
JEFFREY
BUY! SELL! SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY!
ANGLE ON A HAND, inserting the last piece into the PEACEABLE
KINGDOM JIGSAW PUZZLE. Just then, JEFFREY'S HAND sweeps the
puzzle off the table, scattering it into a thousand pieces.
ANGLE ON JEFFREY, dancing away while the PATIENT who just
completed the puzzle stares, very upset.
Other PATIENTS are getting agitated, too, as JEFFREY avoids a
lunge by BILLINGS and dances off, using PATIENTS as a shield.
HEAVY WOMAN PATIENT
I'M GETTING DIZZY. MAKE HIM STOP!
SKINNY MAN PATIENT
HERE THEY COME! THEY'RE COMING!
OLD MAN PATIENT
FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! I GOT FIVE
HUNDRED DOLLARS! I'M INSURED!
JEFFREY
OPPORTUNITY! DEFINITELY! A WINDOW OF
OPPORTUNITY! OPENING NOW! NOW'S THE TIME
FOR ALL GOOD MEN TO SEIZE THE MOMENT! YES!
YES! MASTERCARD! VISA! THE KEY TO HAPPINESS!
ANGLE ON COLE, realizing through the haze of drugs that JEFFREY
is sending a message to him. COLE looks at the ward door.
COLE'S POV: the WARD DOOR opens and two husky ORDERLIES enter.
One locks the door with a key, one of many on a key ring attached
to his belt, as the other ORDERLY rushes to join the pursuit.
JEFFREY
SEIZE THE MOMENT! GET RICH! NOW'S THE
TIME! GO FOR IT!
BILLINGS
(missing a tackle)
God damn you, Jeffrey, quit playing the fool.
ANGLE ON COLE, hesitating. He locks at the door...blurring in
and out of focus. He looks down at the key in his hand.
ANGLE ON JEFFREY, being grabbed by the ORDERLIES. JEFFREY
resists wildly as they struggle to overpower him.
JEFFREY
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
LAST CHANCE! LAST CHANCE! HEY -- OW!
ANGLE ON COLE, moving to the door. He reaches it and tries to
insert the key in the lock.
ANGLE ON LOCK, as the key keeps missing the hole.
ANGLE ON COLE, glancing nervously over his shoulder.
COLE'S POV: ORDERLIES swarm over JEFFREY, don't notice COLE.
ANGLE ON COLE, managing to insert the key. It won't turn.
A PATIENT, close at hand, startles COLE, speaking into his ear.
PATIENT
Place to go would be...Florida. The
keys are lovely this tine of year.
COLE, unnerved, desperate tries the key again. It turns.
PATIENT
Be careful. J. Edgar Hoover isn't really dead.
COLE pauses, stares, not understanding. Then, he opens the door.
KeepDelivery
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10expected
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of using a chaotic mental ward as a stage for a coded escape, with a fellow patient as an unpredictable ally, is fresh and thematically resonant. The juxtaposition of the animal cruelty video with the inmates' own captivity is a strong, if heavy-handed, parallel.
Plot
7/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's immediate goal of escape, but the mechanics are somewhat opaque—Jeffrey's plan is only vaguely communicated, and the key's appearance feels convenient. The scene's strength is in its execution of the escape attempt, not the logic of the plan itself.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of a mental ward as a setting for a coded escape, and Jeffrey's character is a fresh take on the 'mad genius' archetype. The dialogue is authentic to the characters and the setting, avoiding clichés.
Characters
8/10strong
Assessment
Jeffrey is a standout, a manic and unpredictable force who drives the scene's energy. Cole is reactive and drugged, which makes him a passive protagonist here, but his desperation is palpable. The other patients are colorful but serve as background texture.
Character changes
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole undergoes a shift from passive, drugged confusion to active, desperate action as he realizes the key's purpose. This is a significant change, but it's driven more by external circumstances than internal revelation.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to maintain his sanity and his mission's purpose in the face of institutional and chemical oppression. He needs to trust his own perceptions and find a way to act on them.
External goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to escape the mental ward and continue his mission to collect specimens from the surface.
Conflict
8/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is primarily external—Cole against the institution and its orderlies—but it's amplified by the internal conflict of his drugged confusion. Jeffrey's chaotic rebellion provides a counterpoint to Cole's more passive desperation.
Opposition
7/10strong
Assessment
The opposition is the institutional system—the orderlies, the locked doors, and the drugs that cloud Cole's mind. The opposition is formidable but not actively malicious, which makes it a more systemic and impersonal threat.
Stakes
8/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high—Cole's freedom and his mission to save the future hang in the balance. The scene's chaotic energy reinforces the sense that this is a last-chance opportunity.
Story forward
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene directly advances the plot by facilitating Cole's escape, a major turning point. It also deepens the mystery of Jeffrey's character and his connection to Cole's mission.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because Jeffrey's behavior is erratic and his plan is only revealed in fragments. The sudden shift from passive TV watching to a full-blown riot is surprising, and the key's appearance is a genuine twist.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene generates a strong sense of anxiety and urgency, particularly as Cole fumbles with the key. The emotional impact is somewhat muted by the surreal, drugged atmosphere, which keeps the audience at a slight distance from Cole's internal state.
Dialogue
8.5/10exceptional
Assessment
Jeffrey's dialogue is a highlight—a stream of consciousness that blends financial jargon with revolutionary fervor, creating a unique and memorable voice. Cole's lines are minimal, reflecting his drugged state, but the exchange is effective in conveying his confusion and dawning realization.
Engagement
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it combines high-stakes action with surreal, unpredictable character behavior. The tension of the escape attempt is heightened by the chaotic environment and the constant threat of discovery.
Pacing
8/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is frantic and relentless, mirroring the chaos of the ward. The rapid-fire dialogue and quick cuts between characters and the TV create a sense of urgency that propels the scene forward.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and clear, with effective use of camera angles to build tension. The scene is easy to visualize, though the rapid cuts between the TV, Jeffrey, and Cole could be disorienting if not executed carefully.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic escape structure: setup (the key), complication (the chaos), and execution (the door opening). The structure is effective but relies heavily on Jeffrey's manic energy to bridge the logical gaps.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 9/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger as Cole opens the door, creating immediate suspense and a strong desire to see what happens next. The unresolved question of whether he will succeed in his escape is a powerful hook.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script's momentum is strong, with multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, and his connection to Jeffrey. This scene adds a new layer of intrigue by introducing a potential ally and a successful escape, propelling the reader forward.
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9 · Cole's Violent Outburst and Confrontation in the Hospital
INT. CORRIDOR/COUNTY HOSPITAL
Stepping through the door, COLE finds himself in an ante-room
facing several elevators.
A uniformed SECURITY MAN sitting at a near-by desk doesn't even
lock up from the magazine he's reading.
Barely daring to breathe, COLE steps toward the elevators so his
back is to the SECURITY MAN. But he doesn't know how to control
this elevator. What should he do?
SECURITY MAN'S VOICE (o.s.)
Two's not working today. Use one.
COLE freezes, sneaks a glance over his shoulder.
COLE'S POV: the SECURITY MAN continues his reading. He's a big
guy with reading glasses perched on his nose. He looks exactly
like the MENACING GUARD IN THE FUTURE...SCARFACE!
ANGLE ON COLE, stunned!
Just then, an elevator door slides open. The elevator's empty.
COLE steps into it.
INT. ELEVATOR/COUNTY HOSPITAL
The door closes, isolating COLE in the elevator.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE finds the down button, is about to push it when the elevator
springs to life. The numbers on the indicator over the door
start to rise. 7...8...9.
Then, the elevator stops and the door opens.
Two DOCTORS and an AIDE stand in front of the door, waiting.
COLE hesitates.
They look at him. They seem to expect him to exit.
Avoiding eye contact, COLE exits the elevator.
As they enter the elevator, the DOCTORS look back at COLE and frown.
INT. RAILLY'S OFFICE - MORNING
RAILLY has just arrived for work. She's slipping on her white
doctor's coat when...
DR. CASEY, one of the other residents, sticks his head in the
door waving a crayoned message on a page torn from a magazine.
DR. CASEY
This was in my box, but I have a slight
suspicion it wasn't meant for me.
CASEY enters the room, reading the scrawled words dramatically.
DR. CASEY
"You are the most beautiful woman I have
ever seen. You live in a beautiful
world. But you don't know it. You have
freedom, sunshine, air you can breathe."
RAILLY
(smiling)
Cole. James Cole -- right?
She reaches for the note but CASEY moves it out of her grasp.
DR. CASEY
"I would do anything to stay here, but
I must leave. Please, help me."
RAILLY
Poor man...
CASEY is handing her the note when another resident, DR. GOODINS,
sticks his head in the door. He's upset.
DR. GOODINS
Hey, Kathryn, James Cole is one of
yours, right?
RAILLY and CASEY stare at him.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
DR. GOODINS
He got out. Took off. Last seen, he
was up on nine.
INT. X-RAY DEPARTMENT/BASEMENT - DAY
A PATIENT is being swallowed by a large tube, a CAT SCANNER,
while a DOCTOR in a white coat speaks reassuringly.
DOCTOR
Just relax -- don't fight it. We have
to know exactly what's there so we can...
The DOCTOR stops, astonished, as the door bursts open.
It's COLE! He stares at the PATIENT and the Cat Scanner.
The PATIENT lifts his head up and stares at COLE.
DOCTOR
Eh, excuse me. Can I help you?
COLE turns and rushes back out the door.
INT. CORRIDOR/COUNTY HOSPITAL
COLE steps into the corridor, turns to his right, freezes.
A POSSE of SECURITY GUARDS is headed in his direction.
COLE turns to his left.
Four ORDERLIES are coming that way.
COLE'S trapped. A beat. He attacks the nearest man. BILLINGS.
INT. TECH ROOM/PSYCH WARD - SHORTLY (DAY)
RAILLY prepares a hypo, turns to COLE who is strapped tightly on
a gurney with BILLINGS and an RN standing on either side, tense
for more trouble. One of BILLINGS' eyes is starting to swell shut.
RAILLY
It's just a shot to calm you.
COLE
No more drugs. Please...
RAILLY
I have to do this, James. You're very
confused.
RAILLY pushes the needle into COLE'S skin.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM/PSYCH WARD - LATER (DAY)
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
DR. FLETCHER faces RAILLY across the conference table. DR.
CASEY, DR. GOODINS, DR. MARILOU MARTIN are also there.
DR. FLETCHER
Don't be defensive, Kathryn, this isn't
an inquisition.
RAILLY
I didn't think I was being defensive.
I was just...
DR. FLETCHER
He should have been in restraints. It
was bad judgment on your part, plain
and simple. why not just cop to it?
RAILLY
Okay, it was bad judgment. But I have
the strangest feeling about him -- I've
seen him somewhere and...
DR. FLETCHER
(impatient, not interested)
Two policemen were already in the
hospital and now we have an orderly
with a broken arm and a Security
Officer with a fractured skull.
RAILLY
I said it was bad judgment! What else
do you want me to say?
DR. FLETCHER
You see what I mean? You're being defensive.
(to Dr. Casey)
Isn't she being defensive, Bob?
But just then, BILLINGS sticks his head in the door.
BILLINGS
Uh, Dr. Fletcher -- we got another...
situation.
PolishPursuit
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Broken
4/10core
Too many threads, none leads
Several candidate threads compete and none governs — the scene splits its focus rather than committing to one determinate spine.
It isn’t clearly about one thing yet
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
5/10core
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
null Tone:
null
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a time-traveler trapped in a mental institution is inherently compelling, and this scene reinforces that by showing his futile struggle against a system that cannot comprehend him. The concept is strong, but the scene doesn't introduce new conceptual elements, relying on established tropes of escape and recapture.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's immediate goal of escape, but it also serves to deepen the conflict between him and the institution. The sequence of events is logical and builds tension, but the plot is somewhat predictable in its outcome (recapture), and the scene's focus on procedural details slows the narrative momentum.
Originality
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is original in its specific details, such as the security guard resembling a future character and the use of a crayoned note, but the overall escape-and-recapture trope is familiar. The dialogue is authentic to the setting, but not particularly distinctive.
Characters
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's character is further developed through his desperate actions and his plea to avoid drugs, showing his vulnerability and determination. Railly is shown as conflicted, taking responsibility for her judgment, but the other characters (Fletcher, Casey) are largely one-dimensional authority figures. The scene does not significantly deepen our understanding of any character beyond Cole.
Character changes
4/10weak
Assessment
Cole's character changes minimally; he remains determined but is now more aware of the futility of his escape. Railly's change is subtle: she acknowledges her bad judgment but does not yet question the system. The scene does not drive significant character transformation.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to maintain his sanity and prove his reality to others, driven by his fear of being drugged and losing his sense of self. He desires to be believed and to escape the system that labels him crazy.
External goal
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to escape the hospital and contact the scientists in the future, as evidenced by his attempt to use the elevator and his earlier phone call. He is driven by the need to complete his mission.
Conflict
7/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is primarily external: Cole against the hospital security and the psychiatric system. There is also a subtle internal conflict for Railly as she grapples with her professional judgment. The conflict is clear and escalating, but it lacks the philosophical depth that could elevate it.
Opposition
7/10strong
Assessment
The opposition Cole faces is strong: security guards, orderlies, and the psychiatric system itself. The opposition is physical and institutional, but it lacks a personal antagonist, making it more systemic than individual.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high for Cole: his freedom and his sanity are on the line. The scene also hints at larger stakes (the future virus) but does not directly address them, keeping the immediate stakes personal rather than global.
Story forward
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by showing the consequences of Cole's escape attempt, leading to his sedation and the conference that sets up future conflicts. It also reinforces the central mystery of Cole's identity and mission, but the forward momentum is moderate.
Unpredictability
5.5/10functional
Assessment
This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the escape attempt seems to be going well until it abruptly ends, and the reader is left wondering what will happen next. However, the overall outcome (recapture) is not surprising given the context.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene generates sympathy for Cole's desperation and frustration, but the emotional impact is somewhat diluted by the rapid succession of events and the clinical setting. The moment when Cole is strapped down and injected is poignant, but the scene doesn't linger on the emotional fallout.
Dialogue
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional and serves the plot, but it lacks the distinctive wit or subtext found in stronger scenes. Railly's lines are professional and empathetic, while Fletcher's are accusatory, but the exchange feels expository. The most memorable line is Cole's plea, 'No more drugs. Please...' which is simple but effective.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it combines a tense escape sequence with the emotional weight of Cole's desperation. The reader is invested in whether Cole will succeed, and the quick cuts between locations maintain a sense of urgency.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because it starts with a quick escape, then slows down for the confrontation and aftermath, creating a rhythm that mirrors Cole's adrenaline and subsequent sedation. The pacing is well-managed, though the conference scene feels slightly static.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of 'ANGLE ON' and 'COLE'S POV' is appropriate for the visual medium, and the dialogue is properly attributed. No formatting issues.
Structure
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic three-part structure: escape attempt, recapture, and aftermath. The pacing is brisk, with a clear cause-and-effect chain, but the structure is somewhat formulaic for a thriller, lacking a surprising twist or turn.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a new 'situation' being announced, which creates a cliffhanger that compels the reader to continue to the next scene to see what happens. The unresolved tension from Cole's recapture and the upcoming situation drive curiosity.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the whole script so far, the reader is pulled to continue because of the central mystery of Cole's time travel and the unresolved question of whether he can convince anyone of the future threat. The scene adds to the momentum by showing Cole's increasing desperation and the institutional resistance, but the story's pace is steady rather than accelerating.
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10 · Disappearance and Confrontation
INT. CORRIDOR/PSYCH WARD - MOMENTS LATER (DAY)
DR. FLETCHER looks into an empty padded cell as RAILLY, MARTIN,
GOODIN, BILLINGS, PALMER and the NURSE crowd behind him.
DR. FLETCHER
He was in full restraints? And the
door was locked?
BILLINGS
Yes, sir. Did it myself.
DR. FLETCHER
And he was fully sedated?
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
RAILLY
He was fully sedated!
DR. FLETCHER
Then are you trying to tell me that a
fully sedated, fully restrained patient
somehow slipped out that vent, replaced
the grill behind him and that he's wriggling
through the ventilation system right now?
DR. FLETCHER indicates an impossibly tiny vent high in the wall.
INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT - DAY (THE DREAM)
Seen through the glass windows, a 747 takes off, climbing into
the sky as the airport P.A. System drones...
P.A. SYSTEM
Flight 784 to San Francisco now
boarding at Gate 38...
YOUNG COLE, watching the 747, whirls at the SOUND of a COMMOTION.
MR. PONYTAIL bumps him.
The BLONDE MAN sprints past. The WOMAN'S VOICE calls out!
WOMAN'S VOICE
NOOOOOOOOOO!
TRAVELERS dive for cover briefly revealing the mysterious BRUNETTE
running after the BLONDE MAN! But this time, YOUNG COLE catches
just a glimpse of her face. She looks a little like RAILLY except
for the dark hair, the make-up. and the flashy earrings. She
calls out, her VOICE blending weirdly with the P.A. SYSTEM...
BRUNETTE/P. A. SYSTEM
The Freedom For Animals Headquarters
now boarding on Second Avenue. The
Army of the Twelve Monkeys...
ENGINEER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Cole, you moron -- wake up!
INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE - ETERNAL NIGHT OF THE FUTURE
As COLE blinks awake, the digitized monotone of the P.A. SYSTEM
continues to drone in an unearthly VOICE...
UNEARTHLY VOICE/P.A. SYSTEM
-- they're the ones who are going to do it...
COLE'S eyes seek the source of the sound and find it on the table
in front of the panel of disapproving SCIENTISTS facing him. It's
a beat-up old tape recorder.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
UNEARTHLY VOICE/TAPE RECORDER
I can't do anything more. The Police
are after me.
The tape ends, runs off the reel, flap...flap...flap...
ASTROPHYSICIST
Well?
COLE
Uh, what?
ENGINEER
He's drugged out of his mind! He's
completely zoned out.
ASTROPHYSICIST
Cole, did you or did you not record
that message?
COLE
Uh, that message...me?
MICROBIOLOGIST
It's a digital reconstruction of a
message, Cole, from a weak signal on our
contact number. Did you make that call?
COLE
(angrily)
I couldn't call! You sent me to the
wrong year! It was 1989.
SCIENTISTS
1989!
The SCIENTISTS react, exchanging looks, whispers. Then,
ZOOLOGIST
You're certain of that?
GEOLOGIST
(before Cole can answer)
What did you do with your time, Cole?
Did you waste it on drugs? Women?
COLE
They forced me to take drugs.
BOTANIST
Forced you! Why would someone force
you to take drugs?
COLE
I got into trouble. I got arrested.
But I still got you a specimen -- a
spider -- but I didn't have anyplace to
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
put it, so I ate it. It was the wrong
year anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter.
The SCIENTISTS stare incredulously, then turn, exchange knowing
looks, huddle, start whispering to one another.
Struggling to stay awake COLE sees, blurrily, the MICROBIOLOGIST
staring at COLE intently. For one moment, the face belongs to
DR. FLETCHER!
COLE blinks hard...and the MICROBIOLOGIST has his own face, again.
COLE'S head slumps forward now...and everything goes dark.
GEOLOGIST'S VOICE (o.s.)
Cole!
KeepInvestigation
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
6/10light
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
7/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Psychological Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intriguing, Intense
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a patient escaping through an impossibly small vent and then being interrogated in the future is intriguing and reinforces the time-travel premise. The dream sequence adds depth to Cole's trauma, but the concept is not entirely new in sci-fi.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances by showing Cole's escape and the scientists' reaction, revealing the consequences of his mission. The scene also deepens the mystery of the airport memory, but the transition between settings feels abrupt.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on time-travel consequences, with the protagonist's disorientation and the scientists' skepticism. The vent escape is a creative twist, but the interrogation trope is familiar.
Characters
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole is shown as disoriented and defiant, while the scientists are skeptical and clinical. Dr. Fletcher's brief appearance in the flashback adds a layer of mystery, but the characters' motivations are not deeply explored here.
Character changes
3/10weak
Assessment
Cole's character does not change significantly in this scene; he remains disoriented and defiant. The scientists' perception of him may shift, but it's not shown.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to prove his sanity and the truth of his time-travel mission, driven by a need for validation and fear of being dismissed as crazy.
External goal
5/10functional
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to escape the hospital and return to the future, or at least communicate with the scientists.
Conflict
6/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is both external (Cole vs. the scientists) and internal (Cole's confusion about time). The scientists' disbelief creates tension, but the conflict is not as high-stakes as in other scenes.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition comes from the scientists who disbelieve Cole, and the physical constraints of the hospital. The opposition is strong but not overwhelming.
Stakes
6/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are high for Cole, as his credibility and future are on the line, but the scene focuses more on the immediate aftermath of his escape.
Story forward
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by showing Cole's escape and the scientists' reaction, which likely leads to further missions. It also deepens the mystery of the airport memory.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the escape through a tiny vent is surprising, and the sudden shift to the future interrogation is unexpected.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene evokes confusion and frustration, both for Cole and the audience. The dream sequence adds emotional weight, but the rapid shifts may dilute the impact.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional, revealing information about Cole's mission and the scientists' doubts. The exchange about the spider is memorable, but some lines feel expository.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it raises questions about how Cole escaped and what will happen next, while the dream sequence adds intrigue.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is brisk but uneven; the escape and interrogation are tense, but the flashback slows the momentum. The scene could benefit from smoother transitions.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of intercuts and flashbacks is clear, though the transition from the hospital to the future could be smoother.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene uses a classic structure of setup (escape) and payoff (interrogation), but the flashback interrupts the flow. The pacing is uneven due to the abrupt transitions.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole passing out, leaving the reader wondering what the scientists will do next and how Cole will respond, creating a strong pull to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and the airport mystery. This scene adds to the intrigue, keeping the reader invested.
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11 · Cole's Interrogation
INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE - ETERNAL NIGHT OF THE FUTURE
COLE comes awake with a start. The room is dark now, except...
a slide is being projected on a torn screen. It's a picture of a
stenciled graffiti...the logo of The Army of the 12 Monkeys.
ENGINEER
What about it, Cole?
ZOOLOGIST
Did you see it?
COLE
Uh, no, sir. I...
Another slide CLICKS into place. Youthful PROTESTERS, their
placards featuring slogans and images of Animal Atrocities,
confront POLICE in riot gear.
ASTROPHYSICIST
What about these people? Did you see
any of these people?
Zooming in, panning, the SCIENTISTS emphasize the FACES of the
PROTESTERS. The FACES are unfamiliar to COLE (though WE will
recognize some of them later on).
COLE (o.s.)
Uh, no, sir, I...wait!
The image pans back to a much enlarged blurry FACE among the
PROTESTERS. In spite of the poor image, the expression of rage
is clear, and it seems to resemble a somewhat older JEFFREY MASON.
ASTROPHYSICIST
Him? You saw that man?
COLE
Uh, I think so. In the mental hospital.
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MICRO3IOLOGIST
(switching on the light)
You were in a mental institution?!
The SCIENTISTS MUTTER disapprovingly among themselves.
ASTROPHYSICIST
You were sent to make very important
observations!
BOTANIST
You could have made a real contribution.
GEOLOGIST
Helped to reclaim the planet...
ZOOLOGIST
As well as reducing your sentence.
MICROBIOLOGIST
The question is, Cole -- "Do you want
another chance?"
COLE stares at them, trying to figure out what they mean.
INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT - DAY (THE DREAM)
The BRUNETTE runs up the concourse, her back to YOUNG COLE, as
frightened PASSENGERS duck for cover, SHOUTING!
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Hey! Who's that?
INT. CELL - ETERNAL NIGHT
COLE opens his eyes. Where is he? Silence as he examines the
tiny cell. Bare cement walls. High ceiling. Same color and
size as the isolation room at the county hospital.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Hey, Bob...what's your name?
COLE looks around frantically. Up, down. Where is the VOICE
coming from? Maybe from that tiny vent high in the wall...
COLE
Where are you?
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
You can talk! Wah'dja do, Bobby boy?
Volunteer?
COLE
My name's not "Bob".
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
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Not a prob, Bob. Where'd they send you?
COLE
Where are you?
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Another cell. ... Maybe.
COLE
What do you mean, "maybe"? What's that
supposed to mean?
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Maybe. Means "maybe" I'm in the next cell,
another "volunteer" like you -- or "maybe"
I'm in the Central Office spying on you
for all those science bozos. Or, hey, "maybe"
I'm not even here. "Maybe" I'm just in
your head. No way to confirm anything.
Ha Ha. Where'd they send you?
COLE doesn't answer.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Not talking, huh, Bob? That's okay
I can handle that.
COLE
1989.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
89! How was it? Good drugs? Lotsa
pussy? Hey, Bob, you do the job? D'ju
find out the "big info"?...Army of the
Twelve Monkeys...where the virus was
prior to mutation?
COLE
It was supposed to be 1995.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Science isn't an exact science with
these clowns. You're lucky you didn't
end up in ancient Egypt!
PolishOrientation
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
HoldingEvery beat and line earns its place.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Broken
4/10core
Nothing is driving it
No page-visible force — antagonist, deadline, need, threat, rule, condition — pushes the beats; the scene proceeds without anything making it happen.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Ask the AI
Development
Broken
4/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Broken
4/10expected
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
6/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
6/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intriguing, Dark
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a future scientist being interrogated about his past mission, only to be placed in a cell with an ambiguous voice, is intriguing and fits the film's themes of time travel and mental instability. However, the scene relies heavily on exposition and doesn't fully explore the potential of the concept.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances by revealing Cole's failure to find the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and his subsequent confinement, but the transition to the cell feels abrupt and the voice's purpose is unclear, leaving the plot slightly muddled.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of time travel and mental institution tropes, but the interrogation and cell scenes are familiar. The voice's ambiguity is a fresh take on the 'imaginary friend' concept.
Characters
5.5/10functional
Assessment
Cole remains a sympathetic but passive protagonist, while the scientists are one-dimensional. The raspy voice introduces a new character with potential, but his role is ambiguous, and the scene doesn't deepen Cole's character significantly.
Character changes
3/10weak
Assessment
Cole's character doesn't change significantly; he remains confused and passive. The voice's presence hints at a potential shift, but it's not realized.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to understand his reality and maintain his sanity, driven by his fear of being trapped in a delusion.
External goal
5/10functional
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to complete his mission and return to the future, but in this scene, he is passive, trying to figure out where he is and who is speaking.
Conflict
5/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is primarily internal for Cole, as he struggles to understand his situation, and external with the scientists' skepticism and the voice's taunts. The conflict is present but not high-stakes in this moment.
Opposition
5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition comes from the scientists' skepticism and the voice's taunting, but it's not a strong physical or emotional opposition, more of a psychological one.
Stakes
5/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are moderate: Cole's mission has failed, and he's now in an unknown cell, but the immediate danger is unclear.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by showing Cole's failure and his new confinement, but it doesn't introduce new plot points or raise the stakes significantly.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable because the voice's identity and location are unknown, and the shift to the cell is unexpected, but the overall direction is not surprising.
Emotional impact
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene evokes a sense of disorientation and unease, but the emotional impact is muted by the lack of a clear emotional arc for Cole.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional, with the scientists' questions and the voice's cryptic responses creating tension. However, the voice's dialogue is more intriguing than Cole's, and the scientists' lines are generic.
Engagement
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is engaging due to the mystery of the voice and the unresolved questions about Cole's fate, but the pacing is uneven, and the interrogation feels repetitive.
Pacing
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is slow in the interrogation, with repetitive questions, but the voice's dialogue adds a quicker rhythm. The scene could benefit from tighter pacing.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of (o.s.) for the voice is appropriate, but the transition between locations could be clearer.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic interrogation structure, but the shift to the cell is abrupt, disrupting the flow. The dream sequence is a brief interlude that adds to the disorientation.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger of sorts, as the voice's identity and Cole's location are unknown, making the reader want to continue to find out what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads, including Cole's mission, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and his relationship with Railly, which keep the reader engaged. The mystery of the voice adds a new hook.
Expert Critiques
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12 · Cole's World War I Vision
INT. LAB - ETERNAL NIGHT OF THE FUTURE
COLE is strapped on a gurney. SCIENTISTS hover near-by,
whispering. The walls of the gloomy chamber are damp, sweating.
GEOLOGIST
No mistakes this time, Cole.
ASTROPHYSICIST
Stay alert. Keep your eyes open.
ZOOLOGIST
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
Good thinking about that spider, Cole.
Try and do something like that again.
MICROBIOLOGIST
Just relax now -- don't fight it. We
have to know exactly what's there so we
can fix it.
The gurney is being wheeled into a crudely welded steel tube...
reminiscent of the cat scanner in County Hospital.
COLE'S POV: a last glimpse of anxious FACES, then the chamber
door is CLANGED shut.
EVERYTHING IS BLACK. A HUM BUILDS. THE BLACKNESS VIBRATES, THE
HUM REACHES A DEAFENING LEVEL, THEN DIMUENDOS. WE BEGIN TO HEAR
BURSTS OF MACHINE GUN FIRE, VOICES SHOUTING IN FRENCH, A SUDDEN
HUGE EXPLOSION! THEN...
EXT. TRENCH/FRANCE - DAY
DRIZZLING RAIN. And SCREAMS. COLE'S in a deep trench, naked,
eyes wide with terror. What's going on? Where is he? SOLDIERS
in gas masks push urgently past him rushing toward their injured
COMRADES who've been ripped apart by the shell that just hit
fifteen yards away. Muffled VOICES shout through gas masks...
in FRENCH. COLE doesn't know it, but this is World War I!
Suddenly, a SERGEANT confronts him, shouting in French.
SERGEANT
(FRENCH, subtitled)
Where's your mask?! And your clothes...
and your weapon, you idiot?!
COLE
What? What??
COLE looks around desperately. A horribly WOUNDED MAN is being
stretchered past them in the narrow trench. Machine guns chatter
close at hand. AAK AAK AAK. A grenade EXPLODES. Reacting to the
foreign word, the SERGEANT jams his bayonet into COLE'S ribs...
SERGEANT
(FRENCH, subtitled)
Captain! A Kraut! We got a Kraut!
COLE
I don't understand. Where am I?
The CAPTAIN hurries over, snapping at COLE in German.
CAPTAIN
(GERMAN, subtitled)
How'd you get here, soldier? What's
your rank? Where are your clothes?
CAPTAIN
(frowning, GERMAN, subtitled)
German! Speak German! What are you
doing here?
VOICE (o.s.)
(pleading in English)
I gotta find 'em. I gotta find 'em.
Please, you gotta help me!
COLE turns, sees...
It's his friend, JOSE, the Puerto Rican kid from the next cell in
the "underground" time. He's being carried past COLE now on a
stretcher, blood all over his torso, horribly wounded.
COLE
JOSE!
JOSE
Cole! Oh, God, Cole, where are we?
JOSE reaches out to COLE just as a PHOTOGRAPHER takes a FLASH
PICTURE of the kid being carried off on the stretcher. SUDDENLY,
SHOTS RING OUT. COLE goes down. Hit in the leg!
SOLDIERS in gas masks rush past him like giant insects.
Looking to his left, COLE sees the CAPTAIN lying beside him, dead
from a chest wound, his gas mask half off.
COLE is reaching for the mask when...
A SHELL HITS CLOSE BY WITH AN ENORMOUS EXPLOSION.
KeepDelivery
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingIt commits to one clear thing and holds it.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
6/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of time travel sending Cole to the wrong era, specifically a WWI trench, is a fresh and compelling twist on the genre. The idea of a future prisoner being thrust into a historical warzone is original and raises stakes, but the scene doesn't fully explore the implications, focusing more on shock value.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances by showing Cole's time travel malfunction, landing him in WWI instead of 1995. This creates a new obstacle and raises questions about the reliability of the scientists' technology. However, the scene is more of a set piece than a plot driver, with little direct progression of the main mission.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of time travel to a historical warzone, a fresh take on the genre. The juxtaposition of future technology with past warfare is innovative, and the character of Jose as a fellow time traveler adds a unique twist.
Characters
5.5/10functional
Assessment
Cole's character is shown as vulnerable and confused, stripped of his usual agency. The brief appearance of Jose adds emotional weight, but the scene doesn't develop other characters significantly. The Sergeant and Captain are archetypal, serving more as obstacles than individuals.
Character changes
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole undergoes a significant change from a controlled time traveler to a helpless victim. His realization that he's in the wrong time and place is a turning point, but the scene ends before we see how this affects his resolve.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to understand his situation and regain control. He needs to make sense of where he is and how to get back to his mission, driven by a desire to survive and fulfill his purpose.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to survive the trench and find a way back to the correct time period. He must avoid being killed by soldiers and figure out how to return to the future.
Conflict
8/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is immediate and physical: Cole is mistaken for an enemy soldier and shot. There's also internal conflict as he struggles to understand where he is. The external conflict with the soldiers is clear, but the deeper conflict of his mission is temporarily lost.
Opposition
8/10strong
Assessment
The opposition is strong: Cole faces armed soldiers who see him as an enemy, and the environment itself is hostile. The language barrier and his lack of clothing/weapons make him extremely vulnerable, creating a high level of opposition.
Stakes
8/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high: Cole's life is in immediate danger, and his mission to save the future is jeopardized by the time travel error. The scene emphasizes the physical danger, but the larger stakes of the mission are momentarily overshadowed.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major complication: Cole's time travel is unreliable, sending him to the wrong era. This raises the stakes and sets up future challenges, but the scene itself is more of a detour than a direct advancement of the main plot.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the time travel malfunction is unexpected, and the setting of WWI is a surprising departure from the expected 1995. The sudden appearance of Jose and the gunshot are also shocking twists.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene evokes fear and desperation through Cole's disorientation and the graphic war imagery. The sight of Jose wounded and the sudden gunshot create a strong emotional punch, but the brevity and lack of context may dilute the impact for some readers.
Dialogue
5/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is minimal and functional, mostly in French and German with subtitles, which adds authenticity but also distance. Cole's lines are simple and desperate, conveying his confusion. The most impactful line is Jose's plea, which is emotionally resonant.
Engagement
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it throws the protagonist into a life-threatening situation with no explanation, creating immediate tension. The visual and sensory details of the trench are immersive, and the appearance of Jose adds an emotional hook.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is fast and relentless, mirroring the chaos of battle. The rapid succession of events—from the lab to the trench, the confrontation, and the shooting—keeps the reader on edge, but the abruptness may leave some wanting more context.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is clear and follows standard screenplay conventions. The use of subtitles for French and German is appropriate, and the action lines are vivid and concise. The scene transitions are smooth, though the shift from lab to trench is abrupt by design.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic 'fish out of water' structure, dropping the protagonist into an unfamiliar, hostile environment. It begins with a transition, builds tension through confusion, and ends with a cliffhanger (Cole being shot), which is effective for a thriller.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with Cole being shot, creating a cliffhanger that compels the reader to continue to see if he survives and how he escapes. The unresolved question of how he'll get back to the future also drives curiosity.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the scientists' control, the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, and his relationship with Railly. This scene adds a new layer of danger and unpredictability, keeping the reader invested in Cole's journey.
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13 · Dr. Railly's Lecture on Madness and Apocalyptic Visions
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - NIGHT
Stunningly quiet. We are on a placid campus looking at the
dignified architecture of Breitrose Hall. MOVING IN we FOCUS ON
a large poster advertising "The Alexander Lectures, Spring 1995".
WE SKIM the listings (Jon Else on The Nuclear Agony, Dr. Andrew
Miksztal on Biological Ethics, etc.) until we SETTLE ON...
DR. KATHRYN RAILLY
MADNESS AND APOCALYPTIC VISIONS
MAY 17
INT. AUDITORIUM/BREITROSE HALL - NIGHT
A large screen dominates the auditorium stage. On the screen is
a slide of an engraving from the Middle Ages showing a MADMAN in
apparent agony, his mouth shaped to a scream, as he is restrained
by PEASANTS. The projector ZOOMS slowly in on the agonized FACE
of this MADMAN as we HEAR RAILLY'S VOICE lecturing.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
RAILLY'S VOICE (o.s.)
According to the accounts of local
officials at that time, this gentleman,
judged to be about forty years of age,
appeared suddenly in the village of Wyle
near Stonehenge in the West of England in
April of 1162. Using unfamiliar words and
speaking in a strange accent, the man made
dire prognostications about a pestilence
which he predicted would wipe out humanity
in approximately 8OO years. Deranged and
hysterical, the man raped a young woman of the
village, was taken into custody, but then
mysteriously escaped and was not heard of again.
WE DISCOVER RAILLY, six years older now, standing at a lectern
in a pool of light. She's dwarfed by the giant screen where the
engraving is replaced by a series of slides of woodcuts showing
scenes of pestilence in the Middle Ages as she lectures to an
audience of mostly SCHOLARLY TYPES.
RAILLY (cont.)
In 1841, Mackay wrote, "During seasons
of great pestilence, men have often
believed the prophecies of crazed
fanatics, that the end of the world was
come." Obviously, this plague/doomsday
scenario is considerably more compelling
when reality supports it in some form,
whether it's the Bubonic Plague, smallpox,
or AIDS. In addition to these "natural"
contagions, there are now technological
horrors as well: besides radiation,
consider our lurking fear of germ
warfare and its close approximation,
chemical warfare, which first reared
its ugly head in the deadly mustard
gas attacks during the First World War.
ON THE SCREEN, a SERIES of SLIDES show images of WORLD WAR I
SOLDIERS in gas masks, in death throes, etc..
RAILLY'S VOICE (cont. o.s.)
During such an attack in the French
trenches in October, 1917, we have an
account of this soldier...
ON THE SCREEN, a slide of an old deteriorated photograph shows
JOSE, the Puerto Rican kid, strapped to a stretcher, being carried
by SOLDIERS through the trenches during an attack. JOSE appears
to be ranting madly as the projector ZOOMS CLOSER on his face until
the image approximates Munch's famous painting.
RAILLY'S VOICE (cant. o.s.)
-- who, during an assault, was wounded
by shrapnel and hospitalized behind the
lines where Doctors discovered he had
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
lost all comprehension of French but
spoke English fluently, albeit in a
regional dialect they didn't recognize.
The man, although physically unaffected
by the gas, was hysterical. He claimed
he had come from the future, that he was
looking for a pure germ that would
ultimately wipe mankind off the face of
the earth in the year... 1995!
The AUDIENCE gives a nervous CHUCKLE.
ON THE SCREEN, a different old photograph of JOSE. This time
he's in a military hospital, gaunt, haunted, very ill.
RAILLY'S VOICE (cont. o.s.)
Although seriously injured, the young
soldier disappeared from the hospital
before more data could be gathered. No
doubt, he was trying to carry on his
mission to warn others, substituting
for the agony of war...a self-inflicted
agony we call the "Cassandra Complex".
As RAILLY continues, we SCAN the AUDIENCE and DISCOVER MARILOU MARTIN,
RAILLY'S friend, and MARILOU'S HUSBAND, WAYNE CHANG, both listening
attentively. Further away, another MAN listens intently. A MAN with
shoulder-length carrot-colored hair. His name is DR. PETERS.
RAILLY (cont.)
Cassandra, in Greek legend you will recall,
was condemned to know the future but to be
disbelieved when she foretold it. Hence,
the agony of foreknowledge combined with
impotence to do anything about it.
PolishDelivery
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
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Pressure
Broken
4/10expected
Nothing is driving it
No page-visible force — antagonist, deadline, need, threat, rule, condition — pushes the beats; the scene proceeds without anything making it happen.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
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Development
Broken
4/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
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Movement
Broken
3/10expected
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
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Consequence
Soft
5/10expected
Information arrives but forces no choice
The scene delivers information or understanding but no one is forced to decide or act on it.
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
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Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
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Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
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Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
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Freshness
Soft
5/10expected
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
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Unpredictability
not owed here
4/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
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Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
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Grip
Broken
4/10core
The exit settles instead of opening
The unit completes its business and ends on a settled beat — no new live question, demand, or expectation is created for the next unit to inherit.
It settles at the exit rather than pulling on
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This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of using a lecture to explore the historical recurrence of apocalyptic visions is strong and thematically rich, but it's not entirely new (similar ideas in other works). The connection to the protagonist's story is clear but not yet fully realized.
Plot
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The scene advances the plot by reinforcing the theme and providing historical context, but it doesn't move the main narrative forward significantly; it's more of a thematic interlude.
Originality
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the 'doomsday prophet' trope by framing it through a historical lecture, but the underlying idea is not entirely original.
Characters
5/10functional
Assessment
Railly is shown as an intellectual authority, but her character is not deeply developed here; the scene focuses more on her lecture than on her personality. Other characters are only briefly introduced.
Character changes
barely applies here1/10
This scene isn't built to carry this, so a low reading here is the shape of the scene rather than a fault.
Assessment
No significant character change occurs in this scene; it's more of a thematic exposition.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Railly's internal goal is to understand and explain the phenomenon of apocalyptic visions, possibly to reconcile her own doubts or fears about the future.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Railly's external goal is to deliver a compelling lecture that educates her audience on the historical pattern of doomsday prophets.
Conflict
4/10weak
Assessment
The conflict is intellectual and thematic rather than physical or interpersonal; it's the conflict between knowledge and disbelief, but it's not dramatized through character action.
Opposition
4/10weak
Assessment
The opposition is not a character but the societal disbelief in prophetic visions, which is presented as a historical constant.
Stakes
4/10weak
Out of step with your script — stakes holds up in your other scenes.
Assessment
The stakes are implied through the theme of apocalyptic visions, but they are not immediate or personal in this scene.
Story forward
3/10weak
Assessment
The scene doesn't advance the plot directly but enriches the thematic context, which may be important for the overall narrative but not for immediate story progression.
Unpredictability
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene is somewhat predictable in its lecture format, but the slide of Jose provides a surprising connection to the protagonist's past, adding an element of unpredictability.
Emotional impact
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene is intellectually engaging but emotionally distant; the slide of Jose evokes some pathos, but the lecture format keeps the audience at arm's length.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is mostly Railly's lecture, which is articulate and thematically relevant, but it lacks the natural back-and-forth of character interaction, making it feel one-dimensional.
Engagement
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is engaging because it weaves historical anecdotes with the protagonist's story, creating intellectual curiosity, but the lack of character interaction reduces emotional engagement.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is steady and contemplative, matching the lecture's tone, but it may feel slow for viewers seeking action or character-driven drama.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format with clear scene headings and action lines, but the heavy use of voice-over and slide descriptions may be visually static.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is structured as a lecture, with a clear beginning (introduction of the madman), middle (historical examples), and end (the Cassandra Complex), which is appropriate for its expository purpose.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 5/10
The scene ends with a thematic conclusion, but it doesn't create a strong cliffhanger; however, the connection to Jose and the mention of 1995 may intrigue readers to see how it ties to Cole's story.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the script's overall momentum, this scene adds thematic depth but slows the pace; the unresolved questions about Cole's mission and the Army of the 12 Monkeys keep the reader engaged.
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14 · Kidnapping of Dr. Railly
INT. RECEPTION ROOM - AN HOUR LATER (NIGHT)
A stack of new books. THE DOOMSDAY SYNDROME, Apocalyptic
Visions of the Mentally Ill by Dr. Kathryn Railly
Surrounded by enthusiastic members of the audience, RAILLY is
seated at the table signing books but DR. PETERS has her ear.
DR. PETERS
I think, Dr. Railly, you have given
your alarmists a bad name. Surely
there is very real and very convincing
data that the planet cannot survive the
excesses of the human race: proliferation
of atomic devices, uncontrolled breeding
habits, the rape of the environment, the
pollution of land, sea, and air. In this
context, isn't it obvious that "Chicken
Little" represents the sane vision and
that Homo Sapiens' motto, "Let's go
shopping!" is the cry of the true lunatic?
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DR. PETERS smiles self-importantly at RAILLY as an elderly
disheveled PROFESSOR elbows in front of him.
DISHEVELED PROFESSOR
Doctor Railly -- please! I wonder if
you're aware of my own studies which
indicate that certain cycles of the
moon actually impact on the incidence
of apocalyptic predictions as observed
in urban emergency rooms and...
As the PROFESSOR babbles, MARILOU MARTIN and her husband, WAYNE
CHANG, appear and whisper...
MARILOU
You were great.
RAILLY
You're leaving?
MARILOU
The reservation's at nine thirty --
it's getting late.
DISHEVELED PROFESSOR
Doctor Railly -- please -- this is very
important!
WAYNE CHANG
(checking the professor)
You sure you're gonna be all right?
RAILLY
(smiles, checks her watch)
I'll be there in twenty minutes.
DISHEVELED PROFESSOR
Dr. Railly, I simply cannot understand
your exclusion of the moon in relation
to apocalyptic dementia...
EXT. PARKING LOT/BREITROSE HALL - NIGHT
A full moon.
COLLEAGUES in a VOLVO pull out of the parking lot, calling,
"Congratulations" to RAILLY.
She waves back as she hurries to her black ACURA, one of the last
cars left in the lot.
The outside lights of Breitrose Hall go off.
RAILLY seems to be alone in the lot as she fishes keys from her
purse, unlocks her car door, starts to open it when...
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Suddenly, she's grabbed from behind in a choke-hold by a large
shadowy MAN looming out of the darkness behind her.
MAN'S VOICE
Get in!
Unable to scream, she writhes and kicks as he forces her into the
front seat.
MAN'S VOICE
I've got a gun.
RAILLY freezes, terrified, as he opens the rear door and
scrambles in behind her.
INT. ACURA/PARKING LOT
Fighting to suppress the quaver in her voice, RAILLY says...
RAILLY
You can have my purse. I have a lot of
cash and credit...
MAN'S VOICE (o.s.)
Start the car.
Glancing in the rear view mirror, RAILLY sees penetrating eyes
peering out of the shadows, no other features.
Half-turning in the seat, she holds out the keys to him.
RAILLY
Here! You can have the keys. You can...
He grabs her hair and yanks her head back hard, speaking fiercely
into her ear, his face last in shadow.
MAN
START THE CAR! NOW!
EXT. ACURA/PARKING LOT
The engine STARTS, the Acura backs up, then heads for the exit.
INT. ACURA
Steering fearfully, RAILLY hears him speak more calmly now.
MAN'S VOICE (o.s.)
I don't want to hurt you. But I will.
I've hurt people before when...when I
had no choice. Turn left.
As she makes the turn, RAILLY glances in the rear view mirror,
sees him unfolding a tattered map. His face is lost in darkness
but she glimpses ragged, torn clothing as he tries to read the
map by the intermittent glow of passing street lights.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
RAILLY
Where... where are we going'
MAN
I need you to drive me to Philadelphia.
RAILLY
(startled, horrified)
But that's... that's more than 200 miles!
MAN
That's why I can't walk there. Turn
here... I think...
RAILLY obeys. She glances in the mirror again, hesitates, then
boldly switches on the dome light, holding her breath fearfully
for his reaction.
He grunts appreciatively. Relieved, she looks in the mirror
again, trying to get a better look at him, but now his features
are concealed by the map.
RAILLY
If you make me go with you, it's
kidnapping. That's a serious crime.
If you let me go, you could just take
the car and...
MAN
I don't know how to drive! We went
underground when I was nine, I told you
that. When you come to the corner,
turn right.
Startled, RAILLY whirls, looks right at him.
He's lowered the map. It's COLE! Haggard, unshaven, dirty.
RAILLY
Cole! James Cole! You escaped from a
locked room six years ago.
COLE
1989. Six years for you. There's the
sign! Right here!
COLE is indicating a freeway entrance.
RAILLY turns the wheel sharply.
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Solid
8/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
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Pressure
Solid
9/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
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Development
Solid
7/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
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Movement
Solid
8/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
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Consequence
Solid
8/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
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Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
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Assembly
Solid
8/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
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Clarity
Solid
9/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
6/10light
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
7/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
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Charge
Solid
8/10core
The feeling comes off the page
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Grip
Solid
9/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
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This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Thriller, Sci-Fi, Drama Tone:
Tense, Suspenseful, Fearful, Intense
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
8/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a kidnapping that turns out to be the protagonist seeking help is fresh and compelling, blending thriller and sci-fi elements. The twist is well-executed, but the setup is somewhat conventional.
Plot
7/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances the story by forcing Railly and Cole together, setting up their journey. The kidnapping is a strong plot device, but the transition from the lecture to the parking lot feels abrupt, and the scene's pacing could be tighter.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its twist on the kidnapping trope, making the 'villain' the protagonist. The dialogue and actions feel authentic, though the setup is somewhat familiar.
Characters
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole is portrayed as desperate and unpredictable, while Railly is resourceful and terrified. Their dynamic is compelling, but the scene doesn't delve deeply into their internal states, leaving some character development surface-level.
Character changes
6/10functional
Assessment
Railly's perception of Cole shifts from a random attacker to a known patient, which is a significant change. Cole's desperation is reaffirmed, but his character doesn't evolve much here.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find someone who can help him get back to the future, driven by his fear of being trapped in the past and his desperation to complete his mission.
External goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to force Railly to drive him to Philadelphia, where he believes he can find the scientists or a way back.
Conflict
8.5/10exceptional
Assessment
The conflict is high: a kidnapping, a struggle for control, and a revelation that flips the power dynamic. The physical and psychological tension is palpable.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
Railly is the immediate opposition, but she is not a villain; she is a victim. The real opposition is Cole's own desperation and the system that has labeled him insane, which he must overcome.
Stakes
8/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high: Railly's life is in danger, and Cole's mission is critical. The kidnapping raises the tension, but the long-term stakes are not fully clarified in this scene.
Story forward
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the plot forward by forcing Railly and Cole together, setting up their journey to Philadelphia and the central conflict of the story.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable because the kidnapping is unexpected, and the reveal that the kidnapper is Cole, a character we know, subverts expectations. The audience is left wondering what will happen next.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene generates fear and shock, especially with the reveal. However, the emotional depth is limited by the fast pace and lack of backstory in the moment.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is tense and functional, with Cole's terse commands and Railly's fearful responses. The reveal line 'Cole! James Cole! You escaped from a locked room six years ago.' is effective, but some exchanges feel expository.
Engagement
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is engaging because it starts with a mundane lecture and quickly escalates to a life-threatening situation, keeping the reader on edge. The reveal of Cole adds a layer of intrigue.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, moving from the lecture to the parking lot quickly, which maintains tension. However, the abrupt transition might feel jarring, and the scene could benefit from a moment to breathe before the kidnapping.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of o.s. for off-screen dialogue is correct, and the pacing is conveyed through short paragraphs.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic thriller structure: setup (lecture), inciting incident (kidnapping), and reveal (Cole's identity). It's effective but the transition from the lecture to the parking lot is abrupt, and the scene could benefit from a smoother bridge.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger as Cole directs Railly onto the freeway, leaving the reader eager to see where they are going and what will happen next. The unresolved tension and the mystery of Cole's mission compel continuation.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the scientists' interest, Railly's involvement, and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys. This scene adds a new layer of urgency and keeps the momentum strong.
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15 · En Route to Philadelphia
EXT. FREEWAY - NIGHT
The Acura veers up the ramp and onto the freeway.
INT. ACURA/FREEWAY - NIGHT
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
RAILLY glances in the mirror, sees COLE settling back wearily
against the seat. She says carefully...
RAILLY
I can't believe this is a coincidence,
Mr. Cole. Have you been...following me?
COLE
You told me you'd help me. I know this
isn't what you meant, but...I was desperate...
no money...bum leg... sleeping on the streets.
I probably smell bad. Sorry about that.
But then I saw your book in a store window
with a notice about your lecture.
(sudden pride)
I can read, remember?
RAILLY
Yes, I remember.
(a beat, then)
Why do you want to go to Philadelphia?
COLE
It's the next step. I checked out the
Baltimore information, it was nothing.
It's Philadelphia, that's where they
are, the ones who killed everyone.
(pointing suddenly, eagerly)
Zs that a radio? Does it play music?
RAILLY turns on the radio and immediately WE HEAR the SOUND of SURF
and the CRIES of gulls, background to an oozing baritone COMMERCIAL.
COMMERCIAL/RADIO (o.s.)
This is a personal message to you.
COLE sits up, alert, listening intently.
COMMERCIAL/RADIO (cont. o.s.)
Are you at the end of your rope? Are
you dying to get away?
COLE'S eyes narrow, concentrating on this personal message.
COMMERCAIL/RADIO (cont. o.s.}
The Florida Keys are waiting for you.
COLE frowns as the SOUND of breaking SURF and crying GULLS fills
the car. It's confusing! He blurts out...
COLE
I've never seen the ocean!
Observing his confusion in the mirror, RAILLY assumes her
professional tone.
RAILLY
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It's an advertisement, Mr. Cole. You
do understand that, don't you? It's
not really a special message to you.
COLE frowns. He did think it was for him, but she's probably right.
COLE
You used to call me "James".
RAILLY
You'd prefer that? ... James...you
don't really have a gun, do you.
COLE
(cynical laugh)
Everybody's got a gun. In this city...
He breaks off reacting to the RADIO MUSIC! FATS DOMINO singing
"BLUEBERRY HILL"! COLE grins, mouth agape, eyes wide like a kid's.
COLE
Can you...can you make it louder? I
love hearing twentieth century music!
Hearing music and breathing air!
As RAILLY cranks up the volume, she watches the mirror
incredulously, sees him stick his head out the window into the
wind, mouth open, "eating" the air hungrily.
EXT. FREEWAY/ACURA - NIGHT
"BLUEBERRY HILL" BLARES as the Acura, COLE'S head out the rear
window, zips past a sign at 65 mph.
The sign says, "PHILADELPHIA 233 MILES."
INT. ACURA/FREEWAY - NIGHT
RAILLY glances in the mirror at the nut in the rear seat with his
head out the window. what can she do? Just then, while she's
trying to figure something out, an ANNOUNCER'S VOICE breaks in...
ANNOUNCER/RADIO (o.s.)
This just in from Fresno, California:
emergency crews are converging on a
cornfield where playmates of nine year
old Ricky Neuman say they saw him
disappear right before their eyes.
COLE pulls his head back inside with a frown, troubled now.
ANNOUNCER/RADIO (cont. o.s.)
Young Neuman apparently stepped into an
abandoned well shaft and is lodged somewhere
in the narrow 150 foot pipe, possibly alive,
possibly seriously injured. Playmates claim
they heard him cry out faintly but since then
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
there has been no contact with...
COLE
"Never cry wolf!"
RAILLY
What?
COLE
My father told me that. "Never cry
wolf." Then people won't believe you
if...something really happens.
COLE
Something bad. Is that all the music?
I don't want to hear this stuff...
RAILLY glances at him as she scans stations.
RAILLY
Did something terrible happen to you when
you were a child? Something so bad...?
COLE
Ohhhh, that one! Can we hear that one?
It's IVORY JOE HUNTER singing, "SINCE I MET YOU, BABY".
IVORY JOE/RADIO (o.s.)
"Since I met you, baby,
My whole life has changed...
Ecstatic, COLE sticks his head out the window again.
EXT. ACURA/FREEWAY
COLE'S POV: the heavens, glittering with a million stars and a
lover's moon as IVORY JOE croons the achingly romantic lyrics...
IVORY JOE/RADIO (cont. o.s.)
"-- cause since I met you, baby.
All I need is you..."
ANGLE ON COLE, wind in his hair, eyes shining, gulping air blissfully.
INT. RAILLY'S APARTMENT - MORNING
Two POLICE OFFICERS and an anxious MARILOU MARTIN listen to an
answering machine's message while a hungry CAT cries plaintively.
ANSWERING MACHINE
Dr. Railly -- this is Palmer from Psych
Admitting. There was a guy here this
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
afternoon looking for you. He seemed
very agitated. We tried to keep him, but
he refused 'n I kept thinking, I know
this guy. Then, just a few minutes ago,
it came to me. It's Cole! James Cole.
Remember him? The paranoid who pulled
the Houdini back in '89. Well, he's
back and he's...cuckoo...and he's looking
for you. I thought you oughta know.
The machine switches off. The POLICE OFFICERS exchange a look.
MARILOU MARTIN
It's just as I told you -- my husband
and I had gone ahead -- she never
showed. That's totally unlike her!
OFFICER TWO
(pulls out his notebook)
Do you happen to know the make of her car?
MARILOU MARTIN
Um...Acura...'92 Acura. ... Also, that
cat's starving! She would never neglect
her cat!
EXT. MOTEL - MORNING
The ACURA is parked outside room 46 of the HIGHWAYS & BYWAYS
MOTEL, which has definitely seen better days.
INT. MOTEL ROOM 46
The TV is on. A commercial is just starting. A catfood jingle.
The sound of HEAVY BREATHING.
ANGLE ON COLE, sweating, BREATHING HEAVILY, sprawled on one side
of the double bed, sound asleep.
INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT - DAY (THE DREAM)
GUNSHOT! YOUNG COLE glimpses the BLONDE MAN staggering, wounded.
The mysterious BRUNETTE races past him toward the BLONDE MAN, and
YOUNG COLE again glimpses the resemblance to RAILLY, in spite of
the dark hair, the make-up, the flashy earrings.
Close at hand, YOUNG COLE'S FATHER, his face still out of view, says,
FATHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Son, it's important for your cat to
have the nourishment necessary for
healthy bones and a rich coat.
INT. MOTEL ROOM 46
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE comes awake with a start. He stares, disoriented, at the
CATFOOD COMMERCIAL on the TV.
RAILLY'S VOICE (o.s.)
Please untie me. I'm very uncomfortable.
COLE turns to RAILLY, beside him on the bed, frightened and
helpless, her jacket arranged to restrain her like a strait-jacket.
COLE'S instinct is to free her at once, but he controls his
impulse. He looks away, gets up, and, wincing, limps to the
dresser, stepping around empty fast-food cartons. He pulls a
razor and shaving soap from a paper bag, then goes into the
bathroom, leaving the door open, and starts to shave.
COLE
You were in my dream just now. Your hair
was different, but I'm sure it was you.
RAILLY
We dream about what's important in our lives.
And I seem to have become pretty important
in yours. What was the dream about?
COLE
About an airport...before everything
happened. It's the same dream I always
have -- the only one. I'm a little kid
in it.
RAILLY
And I was in it? What did I do?
COLE
You were very upset. You're always
very upset in the dream, but I never
knew it was you before.
RAILLY
It wasn't me before, James. It's
become me now because of...what's
happening. Please untie me.
Finished shaving, COLE re-enters the bedroom, toweling his face.
COLE
No, I think it was always you. It's
very strange.
RAILLY
You're flushed. And you were moaning.
I think you're running a fever. What
are you doing?
COLE is rummaging through RAILLY'S wallet, pulling out money.
COLE
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
I'll be back in a minute.
He heads for the door.
RAILLY
No! Don't leave me here like this!
Too late! He shuts the door behind him, leaving her alone.
ANGLE ON THE TV SCREEN, where an ANCHORMAN sits at a News Set.
TV ANCHORMAN
And in Fresno, California...crews
continue to attempt to rescue nine year
old Ricky Neuman.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, twisting and struggling on the bed, trying to
get loose, tears welling in her eyes.
TV ANCHORMAN (cont. o.s.)
The boy was playing ball with four
other children when he literally
disappeared off the face of the earth.
KeepRelationship shift
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingWhat happens here obliges what comes next.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
8/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a time-traveling fugitive forcing a psychiatrist to accompany him is compelling, and the scene adds layers by showing Cole's childlike joy in the past, contrasting with his mission's gravity.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot moves forward with Cole's abduction of Railly and their journey to Philadelphia, but the scene is more character-driven than plot-driven, with the destination and mission still vague.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the fugitive-abduction trope by making the abductor vulnerable and childlike, and the use of music as a motif is original.
Characters
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole is portrayed with depth—his desperation, naivety, and trauma are evident. Railly is resourceful but also vulnerable, and their dynamic is intriguing. However, the scene doesn't significantly develop secondary characters.
Character changes
5/10functional
Assessment
Cole shows a slight change in his trust toward Railly, and Railly begins to see him as more than a patient, but the change is subtle and not fully realized.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find meaning and redemption by completing his mission, driven by his traumatic past and desire to prevent the future catastrophe.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to get to Philadelphia to find the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, using Railly as a means to navigate the past.
Conflict
7/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is primarily external—Cole's abduction of Railly and their tense journey—but there is also internal conflict in Cole's struggle with his memories and mission.
Opposition
5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is Railly's resistance and the police investigation, but it is not a strong physical opposition in this scene, more of a psychological one.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high—Cole's mission to find the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and prevent a pandemic—but the scene focuses more on the immediate journey, making the stakes feel distant.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene advances the plot by establishing the abduction and setting up the journey to Philadelphia, but it also serves as a character moment, slowing the forward momentum.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable in that Cole's behavior is erratic, and the dream sequence adds a surreal element, but the overall direction is foreseeable.
Emotional impact
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene evokes empathy for Cole's disorientation and joy, and concern for Railly's predicament, but the emotional impact is somewhat muted by the rapid shifts in tone.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is natural and reveals character, especially Cole's childlike wonder and Railly's professional detachment. Some lines are memorable, but the exchange about the radio feels slightly on-the-nose.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is engaging because of the tension between Cole and Railly, and the mystery of Cole's mission, but the pacing lulls during the motel scene.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is uneven: the car ride is dynamic, but the motel scene slows down, and the dream sequence interrupts the flow.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and action lines, but there are minor typos and inconsistent capitalization.
Structure
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a linear structure: abduction, car ride, motel, and dream, with a clear beginning, middle, and end, but the transitions between locations are abrupt.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole leaving Railly tied up, creating a cliffhanger that makes the reader want to know what happens next, but the scene is somewhat self-contained.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has strong momentum with the mystery of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and Cole's mission, and this scene adds to the intrigue, keeping the reader engaged.
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16 · The Boy in the Well
EXT. MOTEL CORRIDOR - MORNING
COLE puzzles over a junk food vending machine, inserts coins
tentatively.
INT. MOTEL ROOM
ANGLE ON TV, the picture of RAILLY filling the screen.
COLE
A secret army. The Army of The Twelve
Monkeys. I've told you about them.
They spread the virus. That's why we
have to get to Philadelphia. I have to
find them -- it's my assignment.
RAILLY
What will you do...when you find
this...secret army?
COLE
I just have to locate the virus in its
original form before it mutates. So
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
scientists can come back and study it
and find a cure. So that those of us
who survived can go back to the surface
of the earth.
RAILLY maintains a professional deadpan, says nothing as they pass
a pickup truck with a MOTHER, FATHER, and five KIDS in the back.
COLE stares at the KIDS, a sad look in his eyes.
COLE
You won't think I'm crazy next month.
People are going to start dying. At
first the papers will say it's some
weird fever, some virus. Then they'll
begin to catch on. They'll get it.
RADIO NEWSCASTER (o.s.)
We interrupt this program with a
special bulletin...
RAILLY and COLE both react to the radio, suddenly alert.
RADIO NEWSCASTER (o.s.)
This report just in from Fresno,
California. Naval sonar specialists
who were flown to the site...
COLE
I thought it was about us. I thought
maybe they'd found us and arrested me
or something.
RAILLY stares at COLE.
COLE
Just a joke.
RADIO NEWSCASTER (o.s.)
-- an hour ago have been unable to
determine the location of the boy in the
150 foot shaft...but a TV sound man who
lowered an ultra-sensitive microphone into
the narrow tube claims he heard breathing
sounds coming from approximately seventy
feet down...
COLE reaches over and changes stations. MUSIC again.
RAILLY
Does that disturb you, James? Thinking
about that little boy in the well?
COLE
When I was a kid I identified with that
kid, down there alone in that pipe...a
hundred feet down -- doesn't know if
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
they're going to save him.
RAILLY
What do you mean -- when you were a kid?
COLE
Nevermind. It's not real -- it's a
hoax. A prank. He's hiding in a barn.
Hey, turn left here. Left!
COLE quickly checks the map as RAILLY stares, then turns left.
PolishInvestigation
No lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Broken
4/10core
Too many threads, none leads
Several candidate threads compete and none governs — the scene splits its focus rather than committing to one determinate spine.
It isn’t clearly about one thing yet
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Broken
4/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Broken
4/10expected
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
5/10expected
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
5/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
There’s avoidable waste on the page
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
5/10expected
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Soft
6/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
4/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
6/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense, Emotional
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a time-traveler on a road trip with his psychiatrist, using mundane 20th-century details to contrast with his apocalyptic mission, is strong. The radio news about the boy in the well is a clever, thematically resonant touch, but the scene is a transitional piece rather than a fully original set-piece.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's external goal (reaching Philadelphia) and reveals his mission details, but the missing page 52 creates a gap in the scene's continuity, weakening the plot's coherence. The radio bulletin adds a layer of dramatic irony but doesn't directly move the plot.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of time-travel and road-trip genres, with a fresh take on the 'Cassandra' archetype. The boy-in-the-well metaphor is a unique and authentic touch.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's vulnerability and determination are clear, and Railly's professional yet increasingly empathetic stance is well-drawn. However, the missing page 52 likely contained key character beats, and the scene relies on prior knowledge of their dynamic.
Character changes
4/10weak
Assessment
Railly's attitude toward Cole seems to soften slightly as she listens, but the change is subtle. Cole's character is consistent, and the missing page 52 might have shown a more significant shift in their relationship.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to be believed and to find meaning in his mission, driven by a need for validation and a fear of being dismissed as insane.
External goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to reach Philadelphia to find the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and the original virus.
Conflict
5/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is primarily internal (Cole's fear of being disbelieved) and interpersonal (Railly's skepticism vs. Cole's urgency). The radio bulletin creates a moment of false alarm, but the scene lacks a strong external opposition.
Opposition
4/10weak
Assessment
The opposition is primarily Railly's skepticism and the societal disbelief Cole faces, but it's not overtly confrontational. The radio bulletin is a false alarm, not a true opposition.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high (the fate of humanity), but the scene focuses on character interaction rather than immediate danger. The radio bulletin momentarily raises stakes but resolves quickly.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by clarifying Cole's mission and setting up the Philadelphia destination, but it's a transitional scene with no major plot twist or revelation. The radio bulletin adds tension but doesn't change the course.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is somewhat predictable in its road-trip structure, but the radio bulletin about the boy in the well is an unexpected and poignant twist that subverts expectations.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene evokes empathy for Cole's isolation and the weight of his knowledge, especially in the boy-in-the-well moment. However, the missing page 52 may have contained a more emotionally charged exchange, and the scene's emotional arc is somewhat subdued.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is natural and revealing, especially Cole's explanation of his mission and his identification with the boy in the well. The exchange about the radio bulletin is effective, but some lines feel expository, and the missing page 52 may have contained more nuanced dialogue.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it deepens the character dynamic and reveals Cole's mission in a natural, conversational way, while the radio bulletin adds a moment of tension and thematic resonance.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is steady, with a mix of dialogue and action that keeps the scene moving. The radio interruption provides a brief spike in tension, but the scene overall feels contemplative.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format with clear scene headings and action lines. The missing page 52 is a formatting error that breaks continuity, but otherwise the scene is well-formatted.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic road-trip structure: a moment of mundane activity (vending machine), a conversation revealing mission details, and a radio interruption that creates a brief false alarm before returning to the journey. The missing page 52 disrupts the flow.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole directing Railly to turn left, creating a sense of forward momentum and a desire to see what happens next on their journey. The unresolved mission and the radio bulletin's thematic weight also pull the reader forward.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has built strong momentum through Cole's escape and his mission, and this scene maintains that by deepening the relationship and clarifying stakes. The missing page 52 is a minor setback, but the overall narrative threads (the virus, the Army, Railly's growing involvement) keep the reader engaged.
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17 · Skid Row Stencils
EXT. SKID ROW STREET/PHILADELPHIA - DAY
An elderly EVANGELIST with long stringy hair, wearing a tattered
bathrobe, stands on a Skid Row corner WAVING a worn Bible as he
rants at disinterested DERELICTS, WINOS, and BAG LADIES.
EVANGELIST
"And the wild beasts of the islands
shall cry in their desolate houses and
dragons in their pleasant palaces: and
her time is near to come, and her days
shall not be prolonged."
ANGLE ON RAILLY'S ACURA, crawling down the street, RAILLY driving,
COLE, beside her, staring out the window.
INT. ACURA/SKID ROW STREET
COLE is scrutinizing the crumbling walls, boarded-up store
fronts, tattered posters, decaying signs, miserable "RESIDENTS".
COLE
Where I come from we think of this as Eden.
If we could just see the sun, eat sun-grown
food. Eden! Look at them! They donut
know what they have. They don't see the
sky. They don't feel the air!
COLE'S POV: a BMW speeds toward them, passes, its radio BLARING!
COLE (o.s.)
And the ones who aren't hungry are so smug
they haven't a clue. WAIT! STOP!
EXT. ACURA/SKID ROW
On foot now, COLE pulls an astonished RAILLY to a wall covered with
graffiti, a hopeless tangle of symbols, words, and crude pictures.
Clueless, RAILLY stares at the wall, then at COLE.
COLE touches a bit of red-stenciled graffiti hidden under gang
insignias. We can just see TWELVE MONKEYS holding hands in a circle.
COLE
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
The Twelve Monkeys!!! They're here.
(looks around)
Somewhere. Come on!
He pulls her along the sidewalk. No question, he's insane.
At the next alley entrance, COLE stops abruptly. Then, still
keeping a firm grip on RAILLY'S arm, he starts ripping down newly
tacked-up posters announcing a Rap concert.
RAILLY stares at him, then turns and is looking all around when,
suddenly, COLE pulls her up tight and threatens...
COLE
Look, I'm warning you. You do anything,
I'm going to go crazy -- hurt people!
RAILLY
I'm not going to "do" anything, I
promise. But you need help, James.
None of this is what you think it is.
ANGLE ON COLE, not listening, staring triumphantly! He's found
another partially obscured stencil of THE TWELVE MONKEYS!
But just then, a raspy VOICE startles COLE.
RASPY VOICE (o.s)
You can't hide from them, Bob.
COLE whirls, sees a derelict, LOUIE, leering at him, speaking in a
voice eerily like the RASPY VOICE from the next cell in the future.
LOUIE
No, sir, Old Bob -- don't even try.
(conspiratorially)
They hear everything. They got that
tracking device on you. They can find
you anywhere. Anytime. Ha Ha!
RAILLY looks from LOUIS to COLE, sees COLE'S stunned reaction.
LOUIE
(touches his back jaw)
In the tooth, Bob! Right?
(sudden triumphant grin)
But I fooled 'em, old buddy!
He opens his mouth wide. NO TEETH'
COLE grabs RAILLY and pulls her into the alley and down it.
COLE
They're keeping an eye on me.
RAILLY
Who's keeping an eye on you?
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE
The man...with the voice. I recognized
him. He's from the present. He...
COLE breaks off, freezes as he sees...
there on a brick wall is a stencil of the DANCING MONKEYS
And further on, another red stencil!
KeepInvestigation
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10core
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
5/10expected
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Soft
6/10expected
It defeats anticipation fairly
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Science Fiction, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense, Paranoid
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a time-traveler searching for a secret organization in a decaying urban landscape is compelling, and the use of graffiti as a breadcrumb is fresh. However, the scene's execution is somewhat conventional for a thriller chase.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's mission and introduces a new clue, but the scene is more about atmosphere and character than major plot progression. The encounter with Louie adds a layer of paranoia but doesn't significantly move the story forward.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of graffiti as a trail and the derelict's voice as a callback, but the 'crazy person dragging a skeptic' dynamic is familiar.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's obsession and instability are well-drawn, and Railly's grounded skepticism provides a strong contrast. Louie, though brief, is memorable and adds to the unsettling tone. However, the characters' reactions are somewhat predictable.
Character changes
3/10weak
Assessment
Cole's determination is reinforced, and Railly's skepticism is slightly shaken, but neither undergoes a significant change in this scene.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to prove his sanity and find the Twelve Monkeys, driven by his need to save the future and his fear of being dismissed as crazy.
External goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to locate the Army of the Twelve Monkeys by following the graffiti clues.
Conflict
6/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is primarily internal (Cole's paranoia) and external (his struggle to convince Railly and find the monkeys). The threat of violence adds tension, but the opposition is not fully realized.
Opposition
5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition comes from Railly's disbelief and the environment itself, but the main antagonist (the Twelve Monkeys) remains unseen, so the opposition is more atmospheric than direct.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high for Cole (his mission and sanity) and for Railly (her safety), but the scene doesn't escalate them dramatically.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by having Cole find the first concrete evidence of the Twelve Monkeys, but it's a small step in a larger quest.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the encounter with Louie is unexpected and his voice echoing the future is a clever twist, but the overall trajectory is foreseeable.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene evokes a sense of unease and pity for Cole, but the emotional impact is muted by the fast pace and the focus on plot mechanics.
Dialogue
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is functional and serves the scene, with Cole's lines about Eden and the sky being particularly evocative. However, some exchanges feel expository, and the threat from Cole is a bit on-the-nose.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of the tension between Cole's urgency and Railly's skepticism, and the eerie encounter with Louie adds a layer of mystery.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, with quick cuts between the car, the street, and the alley, but the scene could benefit from a moment of pause to let the implications sink in.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of CAPS for sounds and the stencil descriptions is effective.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic chase structure: arrival, discovery, interruption, and continuation. It's effective for a thriller, though the middle section with Louie could be tightened.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with another stencil, creating a cliffhanger that makes the reader want to see what happens next, but the scene is somewhat self-contained.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script's ongoing arcs—Cole's mission, Railly's involvement, and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys—keep the reader invested, and this scene adds a new clue that propels the narrative.
Expert Critiques
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View Script
18 · Ambush in the Alley
EXT. VACANT LOT - MOMENTS LATER (DAY)
CRACKHEADS huddle against a building, sucking their pipes,
oblivious to COLE pulling RAILLY past.
COLE scans the walls for messages in the confusion of graffiti.
RAILLY is considering her surroundings dubiously when, suddenly,
COLE pulls her toward the mouth of a dark and forbidding alley.
RAILLY
James, no -- we shouldn't be here!
COLE ignores her, yanking her after him into the alley.
INT. DARK ALLEY - DAY
Two TOM CATS face off, arching their backs and HISSING menacingly.
COLE avoids them as he pulls RAILLY into the gloom.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, seeing something alarming twenty yards ahead!
RAILLY'S POV: TWO THUGS, standing over a MAN, kicking him.
RAILLY tries to stop, but COLE, intent on the wall messages,
doesn't notice the THUGS.
The TWO THUGS turn and spot COLE and RAILLY moving toward them.
These creeps have mean eyes, predator faces.
RAILLY digs her heels in, forcing COLE to stop.
RAILLY
James! We have to go back. Those men...
Too late. While COLE turns and stares at her, uncomprehending,
the TWO THUGS are approaching.
FIRST THUG
Hey, buddy.
Startled, COLE turns to face them.
The SECOND THUG lunges for RAILLY'S purse, yanks it from her.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE reaches to grab it back, but...WHACK! The FIRST THUG smacks
COLE hard across the face with something metallic.
Bloody-faced, dazed, COLE doesn't even have a chance to clear his
head as the FIRST THUG shoves the hard object against COLE'S
cheek. It's a cheap thirty-eight pistol.
RAILLY turns to run, gets two steps before the SECOND THUG knocks
her roughly to the ground.
SECOND THUG
Stick around, bitch.
Looming over her, the SECOND THUG starts to unzip his fly.
RAILLY looks over to COLE, SEES...
COLE dropping to his knees, groveling at the FIRST THUG'S feet.
COLE
Please! Please don't hurt me!
The FIRST THUG steps close, kicks COLE contemptuously, cocks his
foot for a second kick when...
COLE uncoils, lunging, rising, his strong arms around the bigger
man's calves, lifting him mightily, high off the ground.
The gun FIRES wildly as COLE staggers forward with the FIRST THUG
in his arms and smashes the man into the brick wail behind him.
The FIRST THUG goes down in a heap, dropping the pistol.
Zipping his fly hastily, the SECOND THUG turns to deal with COLE
but COLE attacks him....rocking him again and again with savage
blows that come one after another with lightning speed. The SECOND
THUG staggers back, bloody and dazed as RAILLY watches, amazed.
Turning back to the FIRST THUG, COLE sees the MAN reaching for
the dropped pistol.
COLE kicks him viciously in the jaw. The FIRST THUG'S head whips
back. SNAP! He collapses against the brick wall.
COLE turns back to see the SECOND THUG retreating down the alley
as fast as he can stagger.
RAILLY stares up at COLE. He looks very dangerous. He glances
in her direction as he pockets the pistol.
COLE
Are you hurt?
RAILLY
Uh, no. Yes. I mean, just some scrapes...
As RAILLY gets to her feet, she sees COLE bend over the
motionless THUG and quickly go through his pockets.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
RAILLY
Is he...alive?
COLE ignores the question as he pockets the man's wallet and a
handful of bullets, then turns and snaps at RAILLY.
COLE
Come an. We're running out of time.
You can't help him.
As COLE yanks her roughly away, she looks back, sees the FIRST
THUG'S sightless eyes, wide open...staring blankly.
RAILLY
Oh, Jesus, James! You killed him!
COLE
I did him a favor. Now come on.
COLE, pulling her again, sees more "12 MONKEYS" on the wall.
RAILLY
You didn't have a gun before, did you?
COLE
I've got one now.
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
8/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
8/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a time-traveler using his future knowledge to survive a random alley attack is strong, but the scene is a fairly standard action beat within the larger narrative.
Plot
7/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances by having Cole and Railly encounter danger while searching for clues, leading to a violent confrontation that reveals Cole's combat skills and forces Railly to see him in a new light.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of Cole's feigned weakness as a tactical move, but the alley attack is a familiar trope in thrillers.
Characters
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's character is deepened through his deceptive weakness and sudden violence, while Railly's reaction shows her growing fear and realization of who he truly is. However, the thugs are one-dimensional.
Character changes
5/10functional
Assessment
Railly's perception of Cole shifts dramatically from seeing him as a patient to a dangerous man, while Cole's actions reveal a ruthless side, but neither undergoes a fundamental change within the scene.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to maintain control and complete his mission despite the chaos, driven by his fear of failure and his desire to save the future.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to find more clues about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and continue his investigation, which is momentarily interrupted by the attack.
Conflict
8/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is immediate and physical, with Cole and Railly pitted against two thugs, but it also highlights the internal conflict within Cole between his mission and his humanity.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is formidable but brief; the thugs are dangerous but easily dispatched, making the threat feel less sustained.
Stakes
8/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are life and death in the immediate confrontation, and the larger mission to prevent a pandemic looms in the background, but the scene focuses on survival.
Story forward
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by having Cole acquire a gun and continue his search for the Twelve Monkeys, while also deepening the bond and tension with Railly.
Unpredictability
7.5/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because Cole's initial groveling is a clever ruse, subverting expectations and making his violent turn a shocking surprise.
Emotional impact
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene generates fear and adrenaline, but the emotional impact is somewhat muted by the rapid action and lack of emotional beats beyond Railly's shock.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
Dialogue is sparse but functional, with Cole's terse commands and Railly's horrified exclamations serving the tension. The line 'I did him a favor' is chilling and memorable.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it delivers a sudden, visceral action sequence that reveals Cole's hidden capabilities, keeping the audience on edge.
Pacing
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, with a slow build into the alley, a sudden burst of violence, and a quick resolution, maintaining tension throughout.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines, though some descriptions could be more vivid.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic action structure: setup (entering the alley), confrontation (thugs attack), reversal (Cole's counterattack), and aftermath (Cole's cold dismissal). It's effective but predictable.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole pocketing the gun and moving on, leaving the immediate danger resolved but the larger mission ongoing, creating a desire to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong, with Cole's mission and his relationship with Railly evolving, and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys deepening, compelling the reader to continue.
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19 · Confrontation at Animal Rights Office
EXT. SECOND AVE - DAY
The EVANGELIST, spotting COLE and RAILLY hurrying past him,
points urgently at COLE.
EVANGELIST
You! You! You're one of us, aren't you?
But COLE has stopped and is staring at...
A STOREFRONT OFFICE...its windows covered with posters. The sign
over the office says, FREEDOM FOR ANIMALS ASSOCIATION.
INT. FAA STORE - MOMENTS LATER (DAY)
Earnest young activists, FALE, deathly pale, BEN, long haired,
and TEDDY, muscular, are gathered around a counter collating
leaflets that demand an END TO SPECIEISM. Behind them, a large
poster proclaims, "ANIMALS HAVE SOULS, TOO". Just then, there's
a tremendous CLAP OF THUNDER as the ACTIVISTS look up and see
COLE and RAILLY enter.
COLE looks startled. It sounds like torrential RAIN POURING in
here. Maintaining a tight grip on RAILLY'S wrist, he looks
around frantically for an explanation for the tropical downpour.
Bookshelves line two walls. The front window is blanked cut with
posters of Animal Rights demonstrations, newspaper clippings,
photos of animal atrocities. The fourth wall features the
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
counter where the three ACTIVISTS face COLE as a JUNGLE BIRD
SCREAMS in the DOWNPOUR.
FALE
Uh, can we help you?
COLE looks confused as the RAIN abates and an ELEPHANT trumpets
an urgent warning.
FALE
Excuse me. You looking for something
in particular?
RAILLY
It's all right, James -- it's just a tape.
COLE'S eyes follow her look. It's a tape recorder underneath a
sign advertising, "THE TRUE MUSIC OF THE WORLD".
COLE
I, uh, I'm looking for the, ah, the
Army of the Twelve Monkeys.
FALE glances at BEN and TEDDY. "We have a problem!" the look says.
MONKEYS start CHATTERING on the tape as TEDDY comes around the
counter, bigger than COLE, physically imposing, menacing.
TEDDY
We don't know anything about any "Army
of the Twelve Monkeys", so why don't
you and your friend disappear, okay?
COLE backs away, a firm grip on RAILLY, as a LION ROARS.
COLE
I just need some information...
TEDDY
Didn't you hear me? We're not...
TEDDY breaks off mid-sentence...freezes.
COLE is pointing a pistol at them. A TIGER SNARLS.
RAILLY
James, no -- don't hurt them.
(to the activists)
Please, I'm a psychiatrist -- just do
whatever he tells you to do. He's...
upset -- disturbed. Please -- he's
dangerous -- just cooperate.
MONKEYS CHATTER wildly as TEDDY backs up.
FALE
What do you want -- money? We only
have a few bucks.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE is suddenly very much in charge and self-confident again. A
BABOON HOWLS with laughter.
COLE
I told you what I want.
(snaps at Railly)
Lock the door!
RAILLY
James, why don't we...?
COLE
Lock it now!
RAILLY hurries to the door to lock it as BEN says to FALE,
BEN
I told you that fuckhead Mason would
get us into something like this.
FALE
Shut up!
COLE
Mason???
RAILLY
Jeffrey Mason?
BEN
Yeah, tucking, crazy Jeffrey Mason.
KeepInvestigation
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
8/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of Cole using a gun to interrogate animal rights activists for information about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys is a fresh twist on a typical investigation scene, blending his future perspective with present-day activism. The tape recorder's nature sounds as a disorienting element is innovative, but the scene's reliance on a familiar hostage dynamic slightly diminishes its novelty.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's mission by introducing a new lead (the activists) and revealing a crucial link to Jeffrey Mason, but the scene's resolution is too quick, with the activists surrendering without a real struggle, which feels anticlimactic.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of the nature sounds tape to disorient Cole, and the setting of an animal rights office is a fresh backdrop for a thriller. However, the hostage interrogation is a familiar trope.
Characters
5.5/10functional
Assessment
Cole is shown as determined and dangerous, but his character is consistent with prior scenes. The activists are thinly sketched, serving more as plot devices than distinct personalities, and Railly's role is reduced to a pleading bystander, missing an opportunity for deeper character interaction.
Character changes
3/10weak
Assessment
Cole remains largely unchanged, though his willingness to use violence is reaffirmed. The activists are shaken but not transformed, and Railly's fear is evident but doesn't lead to a shift in her character.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to maintain control and find the Army of the Twelve Monkeys to prove his sanity and complete his mission, driven by a desperate need to prevent the future catastrophe.
External goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to extract information about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys from the activists, using any means necessary.
Conflict
7/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is immediate and physical—Cole's gun vs. the activists' resistance—but it's resolved too easily, reducing the tension. The underlying conflict between Cole's desperate need for information and the activists' ignorance is clear but not fully exploited.
Opposition
5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is moderate—the activists are initially resistant but quickly capitulate, providing little real challenge to Cole. The true opposition is the unknown Army, which remains elusive.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high—Cole's mission to prevent a pandemic is at risk, and he's willing to kill for information—but the scene's quick resolution undercuts the sense of danger.
Story forward
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by providing a new lead (the activists' connection to Mason) and reinforcing Cole's dangerous methods, but it doesn't significantly alter the main plot trajectory.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the use of a nature sounds tape in an office is unexpected, and the sudden mention of Mason as a connection is a surprising reveal that shifts the plot's direction.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene generates tension and unease, but the emotional impact is muted by the quick resolution and lack of deeper character investment in the activists. Cole's desperation is palpable, but the scene doesn't linger on the moral weight of his actions.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional and serves the plot, with the activists' lines feeling natural but generic. Cole's terse commands and Railly's desperate pleas are effective, but the exchange lacks the sharp wit or subtext that could elevate the scene.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it combines a tense standoff with a surprising twist (the mention of Mason), and the surreal nature sounds add an eerie layer that keeps the reader off-balance.
Pacing
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, with quick dialogue and action, but the scene ends abruptly after the Mason reveal, leaving the reader wanting more but also feeling rushed.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of sound effects (rain, animals) is effective, but the description of the tape recorder could be clearer to avoid confusion.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic confrontation structure: entry, tension, escalation, and resolution, but the resolution is too swift, lacking a satisfying build-up or aftermath.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the mention of Mason, creating a strong pull to continue to the next scene to learn more about this connection.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has built momentum through Cole's mission and his relationship with Railly, and this scene adds a new thread (Mason) that increases curiosity, keeping the reader engaged.
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20 · Interrogation in the Basement
INT. FAA STORE BASEMENT - TWENTY MINUTES LATER (DAY)
The three ACTIVISTS are tied tightly together in the middle of
the floor in this dimly-lit, windowless basement. They're very
frightened, eager to cooperate.
FALE
Then, Jeffrey becomes like this...big
star -- the media latch on to him
because he's picketing his own father,
a "famous Nobel Prize winning virologist".
You musta seen all that on TV.
COLE
No, I don't watch TV.
COLE, the gun next to him, rummages through boxes of papers while
RAILLY watches helplessly. Suddenly, COLE finds something he
thinks he's seen before. He holds it up.
COLE
Is this him -- Dr. Mason?
It's a photograph of DR. MALCOLM MASON, being escorted by a
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phalanx of riot cops through a mob of raging activists.
FALE
That's him.
BEN
(very frightened)
What are you going to do with us?
COLE
(stares at the photo, then)
Tell me more about Jeffrey.
FALE
(a helpless shrug to his cohorts)
Jeffrey started getting bored with the
shit we do...picketing, leafleting,
letter-writing stuff. He said we were,
"ineffectual liberal jerkoffs". He
wanted to do guerrilla "actions" to
"educate" the public.
COLE holds up a clipping showing horrified SENATORS standing on
their desks as RATTLESNAKES slither along the Senate Floor.
FALE
Yeah, that's when he let a hundred
snakes loose in the Senate.
TEDDY
But we weren't into that kind of stuff.
It's counter productive, we told him.
FALE
So he and eleven others split off and
became this underground..."army"
COLE
The Army of The Twelve Monkeys.
BEN
They started planning a "Human Hunt".
TEDDY
They bought stun guns and nets and bear
traps. They were gonna go to Wall
Street and trap lawyers and bankers...
BEN
But they didn't do it. They didn't do
any of it.
TEDDY
Yeah, just like always, Mr. Big Shot
sold his friends out!
COLE
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
What's that mean?
FALE
He goes on TV, gives a news conference,
tells the whole world he just realized
his daddy's experiments are vital for
humanity and that the use of animals is
absolutely necessary and that he, Jeffrey
Mason, from now on, is going to personally
supervise the labs to make sure all the
little animals aren't going to suffer.
COLE
(holding up a rolodex)
What's this?
KeepInvestigation
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10expected
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Tense
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of interrogating animal rights activists to learn about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys is a fresh twist on the typical 'find the villain' scene, and it effectively ties Jeffrey's past to the present mystery. However, the scene's concept is somewhat straightforward—it's a standard info-dump with a gun—and doesn't introduce a new narrative device.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances by revealing key backstory about Jeffrey Mason and the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, directly answering Cole's questions and setting up future confrontations. The scene is a classic exposition scene, but it lacks a major plot turn—the information is delivered linearly without a surprise that changes the course of the story.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its setting (animal rights office) and the twist that the 'army' is a splinter group of activists, not a traditional terrorist organization. The dialogue is authentic to the characters, but the interrogation trope is familiar.
Characters
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole is shown as determined and methodical, but his character doesn't evolve here; he's the same interrogator we've seen. The activists are differentiated (Fale is talkative, Teddy is defensive, Ben is scared), but they're mostly plot devices. Railly is passive, watching helplessly, which is consistent but not engaging.
Character changes
2/10fail
Assessment
No significant character change occurs. Cole's understanding of the Army grows, but his personality and goals remain static. The activists are introduced and quickly discarded, so they don't change either.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find meaning and redemption by completing his mission, driven by a need to prove his sanity and save the future. His fear is that he's wrong or that he'll fail again.
External goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to extract information about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and Jeffrey Mason's whereabouts.
Conflict
6/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is primarily physical (Cole with a gun, activists tied up) and verbal (interrogation), but it lacks emotional or ideological depth. The activists are too frightened to offer real resistance, so the tension is one-sided.
Opposition
4/10weak
Assessment
The opposition is weak—the activists are tied up and terrified, offering no real resistance. The true opposition is the information itself, which is elusive, but the physical threat is minimal.
Stakes
5/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are high in the larger narrative—the fate of humanity—but in this scene, the immediate stakes are low: the activists are tied up and pose no threat. The tension is more about information than danger.
Story forward
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial backstory on Jeffrey Mason and the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, directly answering questions Cole has been pursuing. It sets up the next step in his investigation.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the activists are not the expected villains—they're sympathetic in their cause but cowardly in their actions. The revelation that Jeffrey sold out his friends is a minor twist, but the overall structure is familiar.
Emotional impact
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene generates mild suspense but little emotional resonance. The fear of the activists is palpable, but the audience is more interested in the information than in their plight. Cole's obsession is clear, but it doesn't evoke strong empathy.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional and serves the exposition, with Fale's lines providing the most information. However, it's mostly one-sided—Cole asks, they answer—and lacks the wit or subtext of the best scenes. The dialogue is clear but not memorable.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it directly answers questions the audience has been waiting for—who is Jeffrey Mason and what is the Army of the Twelve Monkeys? The tension of the interrogation keeps the reader invested, even if the outcome is predictable.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is steady, with dialogue-driven exposition that moves at a moderate clip. The scene doesn't drag, but it also lacks the urgency of a chase or action sequence. The rhythm is consistent with an interrogation scene.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is clean and professional, with clear action lines and dialogue. The use of parentheticals is minimal but effective. The scene is easy to visualize, though the basement setting is described sparsely.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic interrogation structure: establish control, ask questions, receive answers, and end with a new lead (the rolodex). It's effective for its genre, but the lack of a twist or reversal makes it feel formulaic.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends with Cole finding a rolodex, which is a clear lead to the next step. This creates a mild hook, but the scene is largely self-contained, so the reader is curious but not desperate to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the virus, the Army, and his relationship with Railly. This scene adds to the mystery of Jeffrey Mason, but the momentum is steady rather than accelerating. The reader is compelled to see how Cole uses the rolodex.
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21 · The Rescuers
EXT. FREEWAY - AFTERNOON
In the crawling traffic, WE FIND a battered FORD covered with
bumper stickers and painted slogans. "I BRAKE FOR ANIMALS"...
"FREE THE ANIMALS"..."WOULD YOU LET A MINK WEAR YOUR SKIN?"
RAILLY (v.o.)
You can't just barge in on a famous
scientist. They'll have security guards,
gates, alarm systems. It's insane, James.
INT. MOVING FORD/FREEWAY
A ROLODEX CARD with an address on "Outerbridge Road" for "Jeffrey
Mason c/o Dr. Malcolm Mason" rests on a map spread across COLE'S
lap. COLE is in the passenger seat, RAILLY'S at the wheel,
maneuvering in heavy traffic.
RAILLY
If those young men don't get loose,
they could die in that basement.
COLE glances out the window, indicates the PEOPLE in passing
cars...COMMUTERS, FAMILIES, TRUCKERS.
COLE
All I see are dead people. Everywhere.
What's three more?
RAILLY
(a beat, carefully, a new tack)
You know Dr. Mason's son, Jeffrey
Mason, don't you, James? You met him
in the County Hospital six years ago.
COLE is studying the map again.
COLE
The guy was a total fruitcake.
RAILLY
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
And he told you then his father was a
famous virologist.
COLE is absorbed in the map, his finger tracing "Outerbridge Road".
COLE
No -- he said his father was "God"!
EXT./INT. FORD/COUNTRY HIGHWAY - LATER (DAY)
The RADIO BLARES a country song as the Ford zips along an open
highway. COLE has his head out the window, sucking air, loving
the music, but his bliss is feverish now -- he's not well. As
the SONG ends, he pulls his head inside. An ANNOUNCER'S VOICE
intones over the RADIO...
RADIO ANNOUNCER (o.s.)
This just in: police are widening
their search for Dr. Kathryn Railly,
prominent psychiatrist and author.
Authorities confirm that Dr. Railly has
been abducted by escaped mental patient,
James Cole. The two are believed to be
traveling in Railly's 1992 black Acura,
license plate H-E-A-D-D-R.
RAILLY glances at him, sees he's in pain. She feels so badly for
him. She wants to help him. She says, tenderly...
RAILLY
This can't go on, James. You're not
well. You're burning with fever.
COLE, refusing to succumb, instead, leans over to check the gas gauge.
COLE
We need gas.
RAILLY
I thought you didn't know how to drive.
COLE
I said I was too young to drive. I
didn't say I was stupid.
RAILLY
What's the matter with your leg?
COLE
I got shot. Look -- there's a gas
station up ahead.
RAILLY
Shot! Who shot you?
COLE
It was some kind of...war. Never mind,
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
you wouldn't believe me. Turn off here.
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10core
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10expected
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Tense, Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense, Emotional
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a fugitive mental patient dragging a psychiatrist on a quest to find a virologist's son is compelling, and the scene's focus on the road trip adds a classic chase element. However, the concept is not fully exploited here, as the scene is more about setup than payoff.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances with the radio broadcast raising the stakes and the destination being set, but the scene is mostly transitional, with little new information or action. The plot is clear but not particularly dynamic in this segment.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of a fugitive road trip with a sci-fi premise, and the radio broadcast is a fresh way to raise stakes. The dialogue is authentic to the characters.
Characters
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's feverish state and Railly's concern are well-drawn, but their interaction is limited to a few exchanges. The scene does little to develop secondary characters, and Cole's internal conflict is more implied than explored.
Character changes
3/10weak
Assessment
Cole's determination is reaffirmed, but there is no significant change in either character. Railly's concern for Cole is evident, but her stance remains unchanged.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to prove his sanity and complete his mission, driven by a need to save humanity and a fear of being dismissed as mad.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to reach Dr. Mason's house to find Jeffrey Mason and get information about the virus.
Conflict
6/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is primarily external (the manhunt) and internal (Cole's illness and mission), but it is not heightened in this scene. The tension is present but not fully realized.
Opposition
5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is the police and the public, but they are not present in the scene; the radio broadcast represents the external threat. Cole's illness is a more immediate opposition.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high (Cole is a fugitive, Railly is abducted), but the scene does not amplify them; they are established but not escalated.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by setting the destination and raising the stakes with the radio broadcast, but it is largely a transitional scene with little new plot development.
Unpredictability
6.5/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the radio broadcast suddenly turns a quiet drive into a manhunt, and Cole's nonchalant reaction to being shot is unexpected.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The emotional impact is moderate, with Cole's fever and Railly's concern evoking sympathy, but the scene lacks a strong emotional peak. The radio broadcast adds a sense of danger but doesn't resonate deeply.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is sharp and reveals character, especially Cole's bluntness and Railly's rationality. However, some lines feel expository, and the exchange about the gas station is a bit on the nose.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of the tension between Cole's feverish urgency and the mundane setting, and the radio broadcast adds a layer of danger. The dialogue is crisp, and the character dynamics are intriguing.
Pacing
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is steady, with a slow build as they drive, but the radio broadcast injects a jolt of tension. The scene could benefit from a bit more urgency in the middle.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of V.O. and O.S. is correct, and the dialogue is well-formatted.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic road-trip structure with a clear goal, but it lacks a distinct turning point or climax, making it feel like a bridge between more dramatic moments.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a clear direction (turning off to the gas station) and the radio broadcast creates suspense, making the reader want to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads (Cole's mission, the Army of the 12 Monkeys, Railly's abduction) that are gaining momentum, and this scene adds to the tension, compelling the reader to continue.
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22 · Confrontation at the Gas Station
INT. PARKED FORD/GAS STATION - MINUTES LATER (AFTERNOON)
The GAS STATION ATTENDANT checks the oil while COLE and RAILLY
remain in the car. She's pulling a gas card from her wallet.
COLE
You were going to run out off gas on
purpose, weren't you?
RAILLY
No. I want you to turn yourself in, James --
It'll go much better for you if you do
-- but I'm not going to trick you.
COLE
(sees the credit card)
That has your name on it. Give him cash.
RAILLY puts the card back into her wallet and pulls out cash as
the GAS STATION ATTENDANT slams the hood down.
RAILLY starts opening the door. Alarmed, COLE tries to stop her.
COLE
Where are you going?
She looks him in the eye, then indicates the tiny Convenience
Store appended to the Gas Station.
RAILLY
You can come with me. I have to get
some things. Scissors, bandages, some
alcohol or whiskey. ... I have to look
at your leg, James. I'm a doctor.
COLE looks helpless, hesitant. She's in charge...for the moment.
EXT. CLEARING/WOODS - AN HOUR LATER (AFTERNOON)
The sun dazzles through the canopy of leaves. We HEAR the CAR
RADIO but not the engine.
RADIO ANNOUNCER (v.o.)
Meanwhile in Fresno, where mining
engineers continue their desperate
attempt to sink a shaft parallel to the
ant in which nine year old...
COLE, in his underwear, leans back on a large rock beside the
Ford, his pants hanging on the car's open door. He's staring up
at the sun and the sky. RAILLY finishes bandaging his thigh.
RAILLY
You shouldn't put your weight on it.
You need stitches and antibiotics.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
Lucky for you it was near the surface.
RAILLY wraps the bullet in some gauze and sticks it in her pocket
while COLE continues staring up at the sky.
COLE
I love seeing the sun.
A beat. COLE tries to stand up.
RAILLY
Wait -- let me help you.
RAILLY puts an arm around him and helps him to his feet. A beat.
They're very close. They don't move. RAILLY looks like she can
barely breathe.
COLE
(leans closer, shuts his eyes)
You smell so good.
RAILLY
(trying to concentrate)
You have to give yourself up, you know.
A beat. The spell is broken. He reaches for his pants, then
turns back to her, suddenly grim.
COLE
I have to do something now. Something
I don't want to do. I'm so sorry.
RAILLY reacts, sudden fear in her eyes. He looms over her. He's
cold now, steeled.
COLE
I have a mission. It's important.
RAILLY steps back...horrified, realizing she's going to die.
EXT. MASON MANSION - NIGHT
A SECRET SERVICE AGENT ambles vigilantly among the rows of luxury
cars parked beside the brightly-lit rural mansion. Encountering
another AGENT, he pauses.
FIRST AGENT
They find him?
SECOND AGENT
Who??
FIRST AGENT
That kid. The one in the pipe.
SECOND AGENT
You believe this? They're dropping a monkey
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
down there with a miniature infra-red camera
strapped on him and a roast beef sandwich
wrapped in tinfoil.
FIRST AGENT
You're making that up!
ANGLE UNDER A PARKED MERCEDES, where COLE is hiding, listening to
the receding VOICES of the AGENTS.
SECOND AGENT (o.s.)
I shit you not. ... Man, life is weird!
A monkey and a sandwich. Wonder who
thought that one up.
FIRST AGENT (o.s.)
Probly give the sonafabitch a Nobel
Prize!
Quickly, COLE rolls to the next car and under it. He doesn't
see...the pistol fell out of his pocket, under the Mercedes.
INT. MASON MANSION/DINING ROOM - NIGHT
A formal dinner for forty. Desert has been served. DR. MALCOLM
MASON rises to the enthusiastic applause of the GUESTS.
DR. MASON
Would that I could enjoy this opulent
dinner and this excellent and
stimulating company for itself, with no
sense of purpose. But alas, I am
"burdened" with the sense that with all
this excess of public attention and
this cacophony of praise, there comes
great responsibility. Indeed, I
practically feel a soapbox growing
under my feet whenever I stand for more
than a few seconds.
While GUESTS laugh at DR. MASON'S last remark, SECRET SERVICE
AGENT #3 enters the room, scowling, looking for someone.
DR. MASON (o.s.)
The dangers of science are a time worn
threat, from Prometheus stealing fire
from the Gods to the Cold War era of
the Dr. Strangelove Terror.
AGENT #3 spots who he's looking for. JEFFREY MASON!
DR. MASON (cont.)
But never before, not even at Los Alamos
when the scientists made bets on whether
their first atomic bomb test would wipe out
New Mexico, has science given us so much
reason to fear the power we have at hand.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
ANGLE ON JEFFREY, as AGENT #3 whispers in his ear.
JEFFREY
What are you talking about? What
friend? I'm not expecting anyone.
ANGLE ON DR. MASON, reacting with irritation to the disturbance.
DR. MASON
Current genetic engineering as well as
my own work with viruses has presented
us with powers as terrifying as any...
ANGLE ON JEFFREY, following the AGENT out of the dining room,
grumbling loudly enough to disturb his father's audience.
JEFFREY
This is ridiculous. My father is
making a major address.
PolishPursuit
No lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Broken
4/10core
Too many threads, none leads
Several candidate threads compete and none governs — the scene splits its focus rather than committing to one determinate spine.
It isn’t clearly about one thing yet
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Broken
4/10core
The scene does not turn
No legible entry-state → exit-state change; the scene resets to where it began.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
5/10expected
The cuts lack connective tissue
The scene/sequence shifts location, time, POV, mode, or thread without making the causal/spatial/emotional/rhythmic relationship between adjacent chunks legible.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a fugitive and his captive developing a fragile trust, only for the fugitive to reassert his mission, is compelling and fits the film's themes. The scene's strength is in the intimate setting contrasting with the larger conspiracy, but it's a familiar trope in thrillers.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances by moving Cole and Railly from a moment of care to Cole's next mission step (infiltrating the Mason mansion), but the transition is abrupt, and the scene's primary function is character-driven rather than plot-heavy.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of intimacy and menace, but the 'captive falls for captor' trope is familiar. The dialogue is authentic to the characters.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's duality (vulnerable vs. cold) is well-drawn, and Railly's professional concern is believable. However, the scene doesn't deepen their relationship beyond the surface, and Railly's reaction to Cole's threat is underplayed.
Character changes
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's change is from a vulnerable man to a cold operative, but it's a surface shift; Railly's change is from helper to potential victim, but her reaction is minimal.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to reconcile his humanity with his mission, but he ultimately suppresses his feelings to complete his task, driven by the need to save the future.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to infiltrate the Mason mansion to find Jeffrey Mason, and he uses Railly as a means to get there.
Conflict
7/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is internal (Cole's mission vs. his connection to Railly) and external (the threat he poses to her). It's clear but not fully realized due to the quick pivot.
Opposition
5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is Railly's desire for Cole to surrender, which conflicts with his mission, but she is not a strong antagonist in this scene.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high (Railly's life, Cole's mission), but the scene doesn't amplify them beyond the immediate threat.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by setting up Cole's infiltration of the Mason mansion, but it's a transitional scene that doesn't introduce new plot points.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable because the audience expects a romantic beat, but Cole's sudden threat subverts it, though the subversion is a common trope.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene creates a strong emotional shift from tenderness to fear, but the impact is muted by the abruptness of the change.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is natural and efficient, with the radio announcer providing ironic counterpoint. The line 'You smell so good' is intimate, but the shift to 'I have a mission' is stark, and the dialogue could have used a beat to bridge the two.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the unexpected turn, but the pacing is uneven, and the emotional payoff is truncated.
Pacing
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is effective in the intimate moments but rushes the transition to threat, making the scene feel slightly disjointed.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is clean and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of 'ANGLE' and 'o.s.' is standard.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic two-beat structure: a moment of intimacy followed by a turn to threat, which is effective for a thriller but could be more gradual.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with a clear hook—Cole's mission to the Mason mansion—and the unresolved threat to Railly, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong, with multiple threads (Cole's mission, Railly's fate, the virus) converging, and this scene adds to the tension.
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23 · Cole and Jeffrey Reunite
INT. HALLWAY/MASON MANSION
The conversation continues as JEFFREY and AGENT #3 enter the hall.
AGENT #3
Normally if we caught a guy sneaking
around like this with no I.D., we'd
bust his ass, excuse the French, but
this one said he knows you...
(smirk, smirk)
-- and, since you seem to have had
some...uh...unusual...uh..."associates",
we certainly didn't want to arrest one
of your, uh, closest...pals.
INT. LIBRARY/MASON MANSION
COLE, smudged with dirt and car grease, sitting in the shadows in
a wingback chair, looks up as JEFFREY and AGENT #3 enter the
room. A FOURTH AGENT looms beside the wingback chair.
JEFFREY
(dismissing Cole casually)
Never saw him before in my life. Go
ahead and shoot him or torture him or
whatever it is you do.
COLE
(rising)
You do know me. You helped me once.
JEFFREY
(turning to leave)
That would be totally out of character.
Helping people is against my principles.
(to the Agents)
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
See, he definitely doesn't know me. Now,
I'm going to go back and listen to my
father's very eloquent discourse on the
perils of science WHILE YOU TORTURE THIS
INTRUDER TO DEATH.
COLE
I'm here about some monkeys.
Halfway out the door, JEFFREY freezes. A beat.
JEFFREY
Excuse me -- what did you say?
COLE
Monkeys. Twelve of them.
JEFFREY frowns, turns, considers COLE. Then, suddenly, JEFFREY
rushes to COLE and embraces him.
JEFFREY
Arnold...Arnold.
COLE is astonished. The AGENTS are, too.
JEFFREY
(stepping back)
My God, Arnie, what's happened to you?
You look like shit
AGENT #3
(dubious)
You know this man?
JEFFREY
Of course I know him. What do you
think -- I act like this to strangers?
Listen -- you fellas are terrific. I
thought you were pulling a number on
me. What a terrible thing if you'd
thrown old Arnie out. I owe you guys
the big apologia! Mea culpa, fellas.
(turning to Cole)
Christ, Arnie, it's black tie! I mean,
I said, "drop by," but, like, this is
Dad's big "do"...vips, senators, secret
service, and...and everything.
JEFFREY throws an arm around COLE'S shoulder and starts leading
him toward the door as the two AGENTS exchange narrow-eyed looks.
AGENT #4
"Arnie?"
JEFFREY
Arnold Pettibone. Old Arnie Pettibone.
Used to be my best friend. Still is.
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What've you lost, Arnie -- forty pounds?
No wonder I didn't know you. You hungry?
Lots of dead cow, dead lamb, dead pig.
Real killer feast we're putting on tonight.
The AGENTS watch JEFFREY lead the limping, disheveled COLE out.
AGENT #4
These people -- all of 'em -- are true
weirdoes!
AGENT #3
(moving to the phone)
I'm gonna call in a description of this
"Pettibone" character. You go keep an
eye on him. Make sure he doesn't do
one of the guests with a fork.
KeepDelivery
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
6/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Science Fiction, Thriller, Mystery Tone:
Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense, Dark
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of using a coded phrase to trigger a false identity is fresh and fits the film's themes of madness and hidden networks, but it's a familiar trope of secret recognition.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's mission by gaining Jeffrey's trust, but the scene is a single beat with minimal new information, relying on the twist of the code phrase.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of a coded phrase to trigger a false identity, but the overall situation (intruder caught, ally denies then recognizes) is familiar.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Jeffrey's erratic, theatrical personality shines, and Cole's desperation is clear, but the agents are one-dimensional, and Cole's internal state is underplayed.
Character changes
4/10weak
Assessment
Cole's situation changes (gains an ally), but his character doesn't fundamentally change; Jeffrey's shift from denial to embrace is a surface change.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find someone who believes him and can help him navigate the past, driven by his need for validation and his fear of being alone in his mission.
External goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to gain Jeffrey's cooperation and access to the Army of the Twelve Monkeys.
Conflict
5/10functional
Assessment
Conflict is present but quickly resolved; the tension with the agents dissipates once Jeffrey claims Cole, leaving little sustained opposition.
Opposition
4/10weak
Assessment
The opposition comes from the agents and Jeffrey's initial denial, but it's weak and easily overcome, reducing the sense of threat.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
Stakes are high (Cole's mission, potential capture), but the scene doesn't raise them; they remain constant.
Story forward
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by getting Cole into the mansion and closer to the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, but it's a small step.
Unpredictability
7.5/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the audience expects a straightforward recognition, but Jeffrey's initial denial and the code phrase twist are surprising.
Emotional impact
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The emotional impact is moderate—relief and surprise at the twist, but the scene lacks deep emotional resonance due to the quick resolution.
Dialogue
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Dialogue is sharp and characterful, especially Jeffrey's dismissive wit and the code exchange, but some lines feel exposition-heavy (e.g., the agent's explanation).
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of the tension between Jeffrey's denial and the sudden twist, plus the dark humor in Jeffrey's dialogue.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, with quick exchanges and a fast turnaround from denial to embrace, but the scene feels rushed in the transition.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines, though the parentheticals in dialogue are a bit heavy.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic setup: Cole is captured, Jeffrey denies him, then a twist (the code) reverses the situation, leading to a resolution. It's effective but predictable.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6.5/10
The scene ends with Jeffrey leading Cole away, leaving the reader curious about what happens next in the mansion, but it's not a cliffhanger.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has strong momentum from Cole's mission and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, and this scene adds a new ally, keeping the reader invested.
Expert Critiques
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24 · Hallway Confrontation
INT. HALLWAY/MASON MANSION
GUESTS pouring from the dining room into the hall meet JEFFREY
and a very disconcerted COLE.
JEFFREY
Hey, nice ta see ya. Lookin' good! Hi,
there. Yes, it has been a long time.
In the b.g., too far away to hear them, AGENT #4 trails JEFFREY and
COLE as they maneuver through the GUESTS toward the grand staircase.
JEFFREY
(whispers to Cole)
County Hospital, right? 1989. The
"Immaculate Escape" -- am I right?
(smiling to guests)
Why, thank you -- you look wonderful, too.
COLE
Listen to me -- I can't do anything
about what you're going to do. I can't
change anything. I can't stop you. I
just want some information...
JEFFREY
We need to talk. Come on. Upstairs.
(to a guest)
I am a new person! I'm completely
adjusted. Witness the tux. It's Armani.
(whispers to Cole)
Who chattered? Goines? Weller?
COLE
I just need to have access to the pure
virus, that's all! For the future!
JEFFREY studies COLE. COLE doesn't just talk crazy. He looks crazy!
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
JEFFREY
Come on, follow me. You don't lock so good.
JEFFREY starts guiding COLE up the grand staircase as COLE, glancing
back, spots AGENT #3 and AGENT #4, both keeping an eye on him now.
COLE
I don't have time to go upstairs. The
police are looking for me. I need to
know where it is and exactly what it is.
JEFFREY
(brightening suddenly)
I get it! This is your old plan, right?
COLE
Plan? What are you talking about?
JEFFREY
Remember? We were in the dayroom,
watching TV, and you were all upset
about the...desecration of the planet.
And you said to me, "Wouldn't it be
great if there was a germ or a virus
that could wipe out mankind and leave
the plants and animals just as they
are?" You do remember that, don't you?
COLE
Bulishit! You're fucking with my head!
JEFFREY
And that's when I told you my father was
this famous virologist and you said, "Hey,
he could make a germ and we could steal it!"
COLE
(grabbing Jeffrey)
Listen, you dumb fuck! The thing mutates
We live underground! The world belongs
to the fucking dogs and cats. We're
like moles or worms. All we want to do
is study the original...
AGENT #4'S VOICE
Okay -- take it easy. We know who you
are, Mr. Cole.
COLE feels a firm grip on his shoulder, turns and sees AGERT #4
AGENT #4
Let's go somewhere and talk this thing
over. Okay? Just come with me...
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Paranoid. HIS PROCESSOR'S ALL FUCKED
UP, HIS INFORMATION TRAY IS JAMMED.
AGENT #4 is wishing JEFFREY would chill out even as the THIRD
AGENT is climbing up the staircase to help.
COLE is like a trapped animal. He's being led down the staircase
now with JEFFREY, right on his heels, yelling so EVERYONE can hear.
JEFFREY
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, THE "ARMY OF THE
TWELVE MONKEYS"? IT'S A COLLECTION OF
NATURE KOOKS WHO RUN A STORE DOWNTOWN.
SPACE-CASE DO-GOODERS SAVING RAIN
FORESTS. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH
THOSE BOZOS ANYMORE. I QUIT BEING THE
RICH KID FALL GUY FOR A BUNCH OF
INEFFECTUAL BANANAS. SO MUCH FOR YOUR
GRAND PLOT!
COLE stares back at JEFFREY as both AGENTS hustle COLE down the
stairs. It sounds true! JEFFREY'S so confident.
AGENT #3
Take it easy, Mr. Mason, we've got him.
Everything's...
JEFFREY
MY FATHER HAS BEEN WARNING PEOPLE ABOUT
THE DANGERS OF EXPERIMENTATION WITH
VIRUSES AND DNA FOR YEARS. YOU'VE
"PROCESSED" THAT INFORMATION THROUGH
YOUR ADDLED PARANOID INFRA-STRUCTURE AND
LO AND BEHOLD, I'M FRANKENSTEIN AND THE
"ARMY OF THE TWELVE MONKEYS" BECOMES
SOME SORT OF SINISTER REVOLUTIONARY
CABAL. THIS MAN IS TOTALLY BATSHIT! YOU
KNOW WHERE HE THINKS HE COMES FROM???
Suddenly, COLE, catching the AGENTS by surprise, wrenches free,
shoves them aside, and stumbles down the rest of the staircase.
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
8/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Intense, Confrontational, Paranoid
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a time-traveler confronting a key figure who publicly denies the conspiracy is fresh and creates a compelling twist on the expected reveal.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's mission but is somewhat stalled by the public denial; the escape is functional but feels like a detour rather than a major turning point.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the 'confrontation with the madman' trope by having the madman publicly deny the conspiracy, but the dialogue and structure are familiar within the genre.
Characters
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Jeffrey's manic, performative personality is vividly drawn, but Cole's desperation is more stated than felt; the agents are functional but flat.
Character changes
4/10weak
Assessment
Cole's resolve is tested but not fundamentally changed; Jeffrey's public denial may shift Cole's understanding, but the scene doesn't show a clear internal shift.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find the pure virus and return to the future, driven by a need to save humanity and a fear of being trapped in a past he cannot change.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to get information from Jeffrey about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and the virus's location.
Conflict
7/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is external (Cole vs. agents) and internal (Cole's frustration), but the internal conflict is underplayed.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition comes from the agents and Jeffrey's denial, but the agents are not fully characterized, and Jeffrey's opposition is more confusing than threatening.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high (Cole's mission, his freedom), but the scene's focus on dialogue and escape dilutes the sense of urgency.
Story forward
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the plot by having Cole confront Jeffrey and learn (or think he learns) that the Army is not what he thought, but the escape is a temporary setback.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because Jeffrey's public denial of the Army is a surprising turn, and Cole's escape is sudden, though the overall outcome (escape) is somewhat expected.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene generates tension and some dark humor, but the emotional impact is muted by the rapid-fire dialogue and lack of a personal beat for Cole.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
Jeffrey's dialogue is electric and distinctive, but Cole's lines are mostly expository, and the exchange lacks a true back-and-forth.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of the high tension between Cole and the agents, the unpredictable behavior of Jeffrey, and the public spectacle that raises the stakes.
Pacing
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, with rapid dialogue and quick movements, but the middle section of dialogue feels static, and the escape is abrupt, creating an uneven rhythm.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines, though some dialogue blocks are long and could be broken up for pacing.
Structure
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic confrontation structure: approach, public denial, and escape, but the middle section is dialogue-heavy and the escape feels rushed.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with Cole escaping, leaving the reader wondering if he will be recaptured and what Jeffrey's denial means for his mission, creating a strong pull to the next scene.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has built momentum through Cole's mission and the mystery of the Army, and this scene adds a new layer of doubt, keeping the reader invested in the unfolding conspiracy.
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25 · Cole's Daring Escape
INT. FOYER/MASON MANSION
COLE heads for the front door, but there's an AGENT there! COLE
turns and limps madly toward the dining room, pushing his way
through the crowd of amazed GUESTS.
INT. DINING ROOM/MASON MANSION
SERVANTS, clearing the table, look up astonished as two AGENTS
burst into the room.
AGENT #4
Did a man just come through here...limping?
INT. KITCHEN/MASON MANSION
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COOKS stare, amazed, as two OTHER AGENTS burst into the kitchen
and look about urgently.
INT. DEN/MASON MANSION
A large projection TV is on and a knot of GUESTS is gathered in
front of it...watching the spooky VIDEO IMAGES.
TV REPORTER (v.o.)
These pictures we are seeing are coming
to us live from deep inside the pipe.
You can just make out the metal wall
behind those roots and I guess those
must be spider webs.
MRS. McCANN, a guest, watching the TV, expresses concern...
MRS. McCANN
Well, if you ask me, I think that monkey
is going to eat the sandwich himself.
Just then, two AGENTS burst into the den.
The GUESTS turn from the TV, startled, stare open-mouthed, but
the AGENTS have spotted an open window and are hurrying to it.
AGENTS POV OUT THE WINDOW: the rows of expensive parked CARS.
ON THE TV SCREEN, RAILLY'S photograph appears.
TV ANCHOR (v.o.)
This just in: Police say that the body of
a woman found strangled in the Knutson state
Park could be kidnap victim, Dr. Kathryn Railly.
As the AGENTS run out of the room, a photo of RAILLY'S abandoned
Acura comes up on the TV screen.
TV ANCHOR (v.o.)
Earlier in the day, police located
Railly's abandoned car not far from a
building where three animal rights
activists were found bound and gagged...
EXT. MASON MANSION - MINUTES LATER (NIGHT)
Pistols drawn, AGENTS move cautiously among the rows of parked
luxury cars, checking inside and under the vehicles.
AN AGENT'S VOICE (o.s.)
COME ON OUT, MR COLE -- WE'RE NOT GOING
TO HURT YOU.
INT. PARKED GREEN JAGUAR
COLE, scrunched down on the floor next to the driver's seat,
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
spots the key dangling from the ignition, then lifts his head
slightly to study the shift mechanism, trying to figure it out.
EXT. PARKED CARS/MASON MANSION
AGENTS continue to move cautiously among the parked cars.
INT. PARKED GREEN JAGUAR
COLE eases himself into the driver's seat, tentatively slides the
shift into "Drive", then turns the key. Nothing happens.
Panic. COLE studies the shift again.
EXT. PARKED CARS/MANSION
AGENT #5 approaches the row where the Jaguar is parked.
INT. PARKED GREEN JAGUAR
COLE slides the shift from D (Drive) to N (Neutral). He twists
the key again. The engine ROARS...SEVEN THOUSAND RPM!
EXT. LAWN/MANSION
AGENT #5 whirls at the sound.
SMASH. The JAGUAR clips the Mercedes parked in front of it and
accelerates right at him!
AGENT #5 dives aside just as the speeding JAGUAR whizzes past
him, slams into a parked Cadillac, bounces off, grinds between
two other parked vehicles with a fierce scream of tearing metal.
INT. MOVING JAGUAR
Caught between two cars, COLE can only lean on the gas pedal.
The JAGUAR comes free with a great SCCCREEEEECH...
COLE sees the driveway ahead in the moonlight. Steering madly,
he plows through shrubs and gardens heading for the driveway.
EXT. MASON MANSION - NIGHT
Lights off, veering wildly, the JAGUAR reaches the driveway.
AGENTS are leaping into cars and a HELICOPTER is coming to life,
its rotors whipping around.
INT. SPEEDING JAGUAR/OUTERHRIDGE ?OAD - NIGHT
COLE turns onto the road, careening crazily from one side to the
other, unable to see ahead with no headlights.
COLE
LIGHTS! LIGHTS!
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He starts hitting switches. The wipers come on, the RADIO BLARES.
RADIO REPORTER'S VOICE/RADIO (o.s.)
---when they pulled the monkey out, it
was still clutching the tinfoil wrapped
sandwich.
Rounding a bend, an ONCOMING CAR heads straight at COLE.
COLE yanks the wheel as the OTHER CAR, horn BLARING, just misses him.
Recovering, COLE loses the road, speeds crazily along the shoulder.
INT. FLYING HELICOPTER - NIGHT
The PILOT, an agent, steers the chopper while the CO-PILOT pans a
spotlight over the two lane road beneath them.
Just then, the PILOT sees headlights below.
PILOT
There! He's showing lights.
INT. SPEEDING JAGUAR - NIGHT
COLE can see the road now in his headlights as the windshield
wipers scrape frantically and the RADIO BLARES...
RADIO REPORTER'S VOICE/RADIO (o.s.)
We don't know what to think. They
didn't locate him and they don't know
how much longer he can last, that's
assuming the boy is still alive.
A spotlight hits the car and COLE hears the sound of the
HELICOPTER as it lowers over him!
EXT. OUTERBRIDGE ROAD
The HELICOPTER maneuvers over the speeding JAGUAR.
INT. SPEEDING JAGUAR
COLE can see the underbelly of the HELICOPTER a few feet above
his front windshield.
Desperate, he yanks the wheel hard, veering off the road.
COLE'S POV THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD: dense woods ahead.
EXT. HELICOPTER/WOODS
The chopper pulls up sharply, avoiding the trees, then levels out.
INT. HELICOPTER
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
The PILOT skims the top of the trees while the CO-PILOT rakes the
forest below with his spotlight.
PILOT
Goddamnit! Where is he?
The CO-PILOT gets a brief glimpse of headlights through the leaves.
CO-PILOT
There! Over there.
PILOT
Where?
CO-PILOT
Eight o'clock! He was right there.
The headlights are gone. Nothing but darkness below.
PILOT
He musta turned his lights of if.
CO-PILOT
Couldn't drive down there without
lights. We just can't see 'em.
PILOT
Maybe he's not driving!
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
8/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a time-traveler fleeing in a modern car he can't operate is fresh and engaging, but the execution is a standard action set-piece.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances the immediate escape and raises the stakes with the helicopter pursuit, but it's a straightforward chase without major twists.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its premise but follows familiar action tropes; the dialogue and actions are authentic to the characters.
Characters
5.5/10functional
Assessment
Cole's character is shown through his actions—his panic, his improvisation—but there's little new depth or change; the agents are generic.
Character changes
3/10weak
Assessment
Cole doesn't undergo a significant change; he remains the same desperate fugitive, though his resourcefulness is reinforced.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to survive and complete his mission, driven by the need to return to his future and the fear of failure.
External goal
8/10strong
Assessment
To escape the agents and the helicopter, and get to a safe location to continue his mission.
Conflict
8/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is external and physical—Cole vs. the agents and the environment—with high intensity but little internal or philosophical conflict.
Opposition
7/10strong
Assessment
The opposition is strong—multiple agents, a helicopter—but they are faceless and lack personality, reducing the sense of a personal adversary.
Stakes
8/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high—Cole's capture would end his mission—but they are physical rather than emotional or existential.
Story forward
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by getting Cole away from the mansion and into the woods, setting up the next phase of his journey.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is somewhat predictable in its chase structure, but the specific details—like Cole's struggle with the gear shift—add a layer of unpredictability.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene generates tension and excitement, but the emotional impact is limited by the lack of character investment or emotional stakes.
Dialogue
5/10functional
Assessment
Dialogue is minimal and functional, mostly radio reports and agent commands; it serves the action but doesn't reveal much character.
Engagement
7.5/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of the relentless pace, the visual clarity of the chase, and the tension of Cole's unfamiliarity with the car.
Pacing
8/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is fast and relentless, with short scenes and quick cuts that maintain tension, though it may feel rushed without breathing room.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is clean and professional, with clear scene headings and action lines that convey the action vividly.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic chase structure: setup, escalation, and a cliffhanger, which is effective for the thriller genre.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Cole's car disappearing, making the reader want to know if he escapes, but it's a standard action hook.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has strong momentum from the time-travel mystery and Cole's mission, and this scene maintains that momentum, though it doesn't add new layers.
Expert Critiques
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26 · Reunion in the Woods
EXT. WOODS - LATER (NIGHT)
A weather forecast BLARES from the radio of the steaming Jaguar,
crumpled into a tree, the driver's door open.
A POLICE OFFICER, pistol drawn, approaches the car cautiously, as
OTHER OFFICERS and AGENTS stay behind trees, weapons ready.
The POLICE OFFICER lunges forward, pointing his weapon into the
Jaguar. He inspects the car, then turns and calls out...
POLICE OFFICER
He's not in here.
EXT. WOODS/CLEARING - NIGHT
Limping, bleeding from various cuts, COLE CRASHES through
underbrush as he follows a stream through the woods.
Suddenly, he sees what he's looking for.
The FORD...barely visible in the moonlight, parked in the trees
beside the stream. The car looks empty.
INT. TRUNK/FORD
Total blackness! The sound of keys in the lock.
Then, the trunk swings open and COLE stands in the moonlight,
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
looking down
RAILLY is in the trunk, tears of rage and frustration in her eyes.
RAILLY
You bastard! You total bastard!
EXT. FORD
COLE backs away, as RAILLY scrambles out of the trunk, swinging.
He slips, falls, and she starts kicking him as she rants hysterically.
RAILLY
I could have died in there. If something
had happened to you I would have died.
COLE is lying on the ground, looking up, his lip caked with blood.
COLE
I...I...I'm really sorry.
Noticing his cuts and torn clothes, she stops kicking him.
RAILLY
What have you done? Did you...kill someone?
COLE
(getting to his feet)
No! I...don't think so. I stole a car
and they chased me. I hit a tree.
RAILLY
See -- you can drive after all!
COLE
Yeah, sort of, I guess. I...I'm sorry
I locked you up. I thought...I thought...
I think maybe I am crazy!
She looks at him. Breakthrough? Very calm now, the doctor.
RAILLY
What made you think that?
COLE
Jeffrey Mason said it was my idea about
the virus. And suddenly, I wasn't
sure. We talked when I was in the
institution, and it was all...fuzzy.
The drugs and stuff.
(horrified)
You think maybe I'm the one who wiped
out the human race? It was my idea?
RAILLY
Nobody is going to wipe out the human
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race. Not you or Jeffrey or anybody
else. You've created something in your
mind, James -- a substitute reality.
In order to avoid something you don't
want to face.
COLE
I'm..."mentally divergent". I would
love to believe that.
RAILLY
It can be dealt with, but only if you
want to. I can help you.
COLE reacts to the sound of VOICES in the woods, dogs BARKING.
COLE
I need help all right. They're coming
after me.
RAILLY
First, it's important that you
surrender to them instead of them
catching you running. Okay?
COLE
(brightening)
It would be great if I'm crazy. If I'm
wrong about everything...the world will be
okay. I'll never have to live underground.
RAILLY
Give me the gun.
COLE
The gun! ... I lost it
RAILLY
You're sure?
COLE
(showing her)
No gun!
(looking up)
Stars! Air! I can live here. Breathe!
RAILLY starts around to the front of the car.
RAILLY
I'm going to attract their attention,
let them know where we are, okay?
RAILLY gets in the driver's seat...and starts to HONK the horn.
RAILLY
(calling out)
They'll tell you to put your hands on top
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of your head. Do what they tell you. You're
going to get better, James -- I know it!
ANGLE ON COLE, spotting something on the ground. An insect! He
reaches down to grab it, but, instead, grins, grabs some grass,
stands, and starts rubbing it happily all over his face. The
HORN BLARES as COLE looks up at the sky.
ANGLE ON THE NIGHT SKY, the moon full, the sky rich with stars.
ANGLE ON COLE, tears of joy running down his face.
COLE
I love this world!
ANGLE ON RAILLY, in the driver's seat, hearing near-by SHOUTS
from the woods. The police are almost here. She gets out of the
car, starts around toward COLE.
RAILLY
Remember, I'm going to help you. I'll
stay with you. I won't let them...
She breaks off mid-sentence...stares, stunned!
COLE is gone. Disappeared.
KeepRelationship shift
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe exit pulls you into the next one.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Solid
7/10core
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
8/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
8/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
9/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful, Reflective
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a time-traveling fugitive finding peace in nature and then vanishing is fresh, but the execution feels slightly contrived, as the disappearance lacks setup within the scene.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances Cole's surrender and Railly's commitment, but the escape via disappearance is a deus ex machina that weakens the cause-and-effect chain.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the fugitive surrender by having the protagonist vanish, but the execution is derivative of sci-fi tropes without full integration.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's vulnerability and Railly's compassion are well-drawn, but the scene leans on their established dynamic without deepening it; Cole's sudden joy feels earned but his vanishing is a character cheat.
Character changes
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole shifts from self-doubt to acceptance of his possible madness, but the change is sudden and not fully earned; Railly's role as helper is reinforced but static.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find peace and accept his identity, whether as a time traveler or a madman, and to feel connected to the world he loves.
External goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to evade capture and reunite with Railly, but he ultimately surrenders to the authorities.
Conflict
5/10functional
Assessment
Conflict is internal (Cole's doubt) and external (approaching police), but the external threat is muted by the peaceful setting, and the internal conflict resolves too quickly.
Opposition
4/10weak
Assessment
The opposition is the approaching police and agents, but they are off-screen and not a tangible threat, reducing tension.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
Stakes are high (Cole's freedom, Railly's safety, the fate of humanity), but the scene's focus on emotional release reduces the sense of urgency.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story by having Cole surrender and then escape, but the escape is unexplained, creating a plot hole that stalls momentum.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because Cole's surrender and subsequent disappearance defy expectations, but the twist feels unearned and random.
Emotional impact
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The emotional peak of Cole's tears of joy and Railly's promise is moving, but the abrupt disappearance undercuts the catharsis, leaving the audience more confused than moved.
Dialogue
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Dialogue is natural and revealing, especially Cole's confession of possible madness, but some lines (e.g., 'I love this world!') feel on-the-nose and slightly overwrought.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it offers a rare moment of vulnerability from Cole and a promise of hope, but the unresolved disappearance creates frustration.
Pacing
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is effective, building from frantic escape to quiet emotional exchange, but the final beat is too abrupt, disrupting the rhythm.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines, though the transition from the trunk to the clearing could be smoother.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic beat: escape, confrontation, emotional climax, and twist, but the twist (disappearance) is not set up, breaking the structural logic.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger—Cole's disappearance—which compels the reader to continue to learn what happened, but the lack of explanation may also frustrate.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script's ongoing arcs (Cole's mission, Railly's transformation, the Twelve Monkeys mystery) maintain momentum, but this scene's unresolved twist adds a new question that could either intrigue or annoy.
Expert Critiques
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27 · Interrogation and Revelations
INT. POLICE STATION OFFICE - MORNING
RAILLY is being "debriefed" by POLICE OFFICERS and FBI AGENTS.
RAILLY
Then I said something to him about
cooperating and he said he would do
that, so I got in the car and started
honking the horn. When I got out, he
was gone.
LIEUTENANT HALPERIN
You lucked out. For a while we thought
you were a body they found down state...
mutilated.
A COP enters, hands a photo to LIEUTENANT HALPERIN who studies it.
RAILLY
He wouldn't do something like that -- he...
LIEUTENANT RALPERIN
(interrupts, hands her the photo)
This the man he attacked?
RAILLY looks at the photo, an 8 x 10 of the FIRST THUG, slumped
against the alley wall, obviously dead.
RAILLY
I'd like to be clear about this. That
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
man and the other one were..."severely"
beating us. James Cole didn't start
it. In fact -- he saved me!
LIEUTENANT RALPERIN
Funny thing, Doctor, maybe you can
explain it to me, you being a psychiatrist
-- why do kidnap victims almost always
try to tell us about the guys who grabbed
'em and try to make us understand how
kind these bastards really were?
RAILLY
(as if reciting)
It's a normal reaction to a life-
threatening situation.
(suddenly animated)
He's sick. He thinks he comes from the
future. He's been living in a carefully
constructed fantasy world and that world
is starting to disintegrate. He needs
help!
INT. AIRPORT CONCOURSE/THE DREAM
YOUNG COLE stares, eyes wide.
He sees the BRUNETTE, cradling the head of the BLONDE MAN as he
sprawls on the concourse...
ASTROPHYSICIST'S VOICE (O.S.)
Wake up! Wake up!
GEOLOGIST'S VOICE (O.S.)
I think we gave him too much.
MICROBIOLOGIST'S VOICE (O.S.)
WAKE UP, PRISONER!
INT. SCIENTISTS' CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT
COLE blinks awake. All he can see are blurry faces hovering over
him, hammering him with questions.
ASTROPHYSICIST
Come on, Cole, cooperate!
GEOLOGIST
Spit it out... you went to the home of
a famous virologist...
COLE
(weakly)
You...don't...exist! You're in
my mind...
SCIENTISTS (IN RAPID SUCCESSION)
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
What? What's that? What did he say? His
brain's fried. Give him another shot!
SPEAK UP, COLE. WHAT DID YOU DO NEXT?
INT. RAILLY'S APARTMENT - EVENING
The TV shows film of RAILLY leaving the police station.
TV REPORTER (v.o.)
The kidnap victim seemed exhausted but
apparently unharmed by her 30 hour ordeal
as she left the police station in
Philadelphia this morning. So far she
has refused to make a public statement.
RAILLY'S friends, MARILOU and WAYNE, are watching the TV.
A door opens and KATHRYN RAILLY, wearing a robe, comes out of her
bedroom. She still looks exhausted Followed by her cat, she
enters the kitchen area and turns on the kettle as WAYNE hastily
turns down the TV.
WAYNE
Sorry.
RAILLY
No -- I'm in a state of hyper-
alertness. I can't sleep.
MARILOU
Did you take the sedative?
RAILLY
I hate those things. They mess my head
up.
The old mug shot of COLE appears on the screen and RAILLY remotes
the volume up.
TV REPORTER (v.o.)
Along with the kidnapping of the Baltimore
woman, James Cole is now also wanted in
connection with the brutal slaying of
Rodney Wiggins, an ex-convict from...
RAILLY goes to the window, pushes aside the drape, and sees...
HER POV: ACROSS THE STREET...A COP keeps watch.
RAILLY (o.s.)
Do they really expect him to come here?
RAILLY returns to the kitchen area where MARILOU is getting the
tea things out.
TV REPORTER on air
And in Fresno, California...
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
RAILLY
(glances sadly toward the TV)
He's dead, isn't he -- that little boy?
WAYNE
He's fine. It was just a "prank" he
and his friends pulled.
CLOSE ON RAILLY'S FACE... SHOCKED.
ANGLE ON THE TV SCREEN, showing footage of a sheepish nine year
old boy being led out of a barn by the police. The cops look grim.
TV REPORTER (v.o.)
Authorities have so far been noncommittal
about whether they will try to file
charges against the families of the
children involved in the hoax.
RAILLY stares at the TV, stunned.
KeepAftermath
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
An aftermath beat lands the cost of what just happened rather than driving new action.
HoldingIt commits to one clear thing and holds it.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10expected
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
5/10expected
The emphasis is misplaced
Page space and pacing emphasize the wrong beats — the important turn is rushed/buried while minor business is lingered on.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Thriller, Sci-Fi, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional, Mysterious
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a psychiatrist who specializes in apocalyptic visions being confronted with a real-world hoax that mirrors her patient's delusions is strong, but the scene doesn't fully exploit this irony, focusing more on Railly's exhaustion.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances Railly's internal conflict and sets up the hoax as a pivotal moment, but the police debrief is somewhat procedural and slows the pace.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its focus on the aftermath and the use of a hoax to challenge the protagonist's beliefs, but it follows familiar patterns of post-trauma scenes.
Characters
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Railly is shown as vulnerable yet professionally defensive, but her character is not deeply explored here; the scene relies on her reaction to the hoax to reveal her state of mind.
Character changes
4/10weak
Assessment
Railly's worldview is subtly challenged, but she doesn't undergo a significant change in this scene; the change is more of a crack in her certainty.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Railly's internal goal is to maintain her professional composure and rational worldview despite the trauma and the unsettling implications of Cole's predictions.
External goal
5/10functional
Assessment
Railly's external goal is to be debriefed and return to normal life, but she is also trying to understand what happened with Cole.
Conflict
5/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is internal for Railly, as she struggles to reconcile her professional training with the unsettling possibility that Cole might be right, but the external conflict with the police is minimal.
Opposition
4/10weak
Assessment
The opposition is mostly internal for Railly, as she faces skepticism from the police and her own doubts, but there is no active antagonist present.
Stakes
5/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are personal for Railly, as her credibility and sanity are questioned, but the global stakes of the virus are not directly addressed here.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by establishing Railly's post-kidnapping status and introducing the hoax, which will likely influence her future actions, but it's more of a transitional scene.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the audience expects a typical police debrief, but the hoax reveal subverts expectations and ties back to Cole's earlier prediction.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The emotional impact is moderate, driven by Railly's exhaustion and the shocking reveal of the hoax, but the scene lacks a strong emotional peak.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional, with the police debrief feeling expository, but Railly's line about the hoax being a 'prank' is impactful and reveals her shock.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it shifts from the action to the psychological aftermath, and the hoax reveal creates a moment of dramatic irony that hooks the viewer.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is steady but slow in the debrief, picking up with the TV reveal, which creates a rhythm that mirrors Railly's exhaustion and sudden shock.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines, though the use of 'O.S.' and 'v.o.' is consistent.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic aftermath structure: debrief, home, TV reveal, but the transition from police station to apartment is smooth, and the TV reveal is a well-placed turn.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Railly's shock at the hoax, which creates a strong hook to see how she reacts and whether she reconsiders Cole's claims, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has strong momentum from Cole's escape and the mystery of the Twelve Monkeys, and this scene adds a new layer of doubt for Railly, keeping the reader invested.
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28 · Cole's Confused Awakening
INT. "HOSPITAL" ROOM - ETERNAL NIGHT
VOICES! SINGING! COLE blinks awake, looks around, confused, then
stares in disbelief....
Crowded around COLE'S bed, the SCIENTISTS are concluding a
ragged, out of tune, rendition of "BLUEBERRY HILL."
SCIENTISTS
---found my thrills on Blueberry Hill...
Seeing he's awake, SCIENTISTS break off the song and applaud.
SCIENTISTS
Well done, James! Well done! Nice
going! Congratulations! Good for you!
BOTANIST
During your "interview," while you
were..."under the influence," you told
us you liked music!
COLE, confused, looks around, sees he's in a one-bed windowless
room adorned with cheap reproductions of 19th and 20th century
landscapes.
The BOTANIST responds to COLE'S obvious disbelief with a
friendly smile and the others join in rapid fire, overlapping.
ZOOLOGIST
This isn't the prison, James.
BOTANIST
This is a hospital.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
ASTROPHYSICIST
But just until you recover your,
uh,... equilibrium.
ENGINEER
You're still a little... disoriented.
GEOLOGIST
Stress! Time travel!
ASTROPHYSICIST
You stood up very well, considering...
GEOLOGIST
Superior work! Superior!
BOTANIST
You connected the Army of the 12
Monkeys to a world famous virologist
and his son...
MICROBIOLOGIST
Others will take over now...
ZOOLOGIST
We'll be back on the surface in a
matter of months....
GEOLOGIST
We'll retake the planet.
ASTROPHYSICIST
We're very close! Because of you!
ENGINEER
(unrolling a document)
This is it, James...what you've been
working for.
BOTANIST
A full pardon!
MICROBIOLOGIST
You'll be out of here in no time.
ASTROPHYSICIST
Women will want to get to know you...
COLE
I DON'T WANT YOUR "WOMEN," YOU
BRAINLESS TWIT! I WANT TO BE WELL!
Unseen until now, two guards, TINY and SCARFACE, suddenly break
through the ring of SCIENTISTS, push COLE down, and tighten the
loose restraints, already in place, but unnoticed before.
ASTROPHYSICIST
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
(sympathetically)
Of course you want to be well, James.
And you will be...soon.
COLE bursts into hysterical laughter.
COLE
YOU DON'T EXIST, YOU SILLY BOZOS!
YOU'RE NOT REAL! HA HA HA! PEOPLE DON'T
TRAVEL IN TIME! YOU AREN'T HERE.
MADE YOU UP! YOU CAN'T TRICK ME!
YOU'RE IN MY MIND! I'M INSANE AND
YOU'RE MY INSANITY!
KeepDelivery
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10expected
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Science Fiction, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Confusion, Hysteria, Suspense, Dramatic
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a 'hospital' that is actually a psychological construct for a time-traveling patient is fresh and thematically rich, but the execution leans on familiar 'is it real or not' tropes without fully subverting them.
Plot
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances the overarching narrative by showing Cole's 'reward' and his rejection of it, but the scene is more of a character beat than a plot driver, with minimal new information about the mission.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the 'reward' trope by making it a psychological trap, but the execution is reminiscent of other 'mental institution' reveals in sci-fi.
Characters
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's character is deepened through his outburst, revealing his trauma and desire for normalcy, but the scientists are one-dimensional, serving only as foils to his breakdown.
Character changes
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's change is a regression—he rejects the 'recovery' offered and descends further into his delusion, but the change is not fully earned due to the scene's brevity.
Internal goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to be 'well'—to escape the torment of his fractured psyche and the burden of his mission, driven by a deep fear that he is irreparably insane.
External goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to reject the scientists' 'pardon' and the false reality they offer, seeking instead to assert his own perception of the world.
Conflict
6/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is internal (Cole vs. his own mind) and external (Cole vs. the scientists), but the external conflict is muted as the scientists remain passive, making the scene feel one-sided.
Opposition
4/10weak
Assessment
The opposition is the scientists' benevolent but condescending authority, which is weak because they do not actively resist Cole; the real opposition is Cole's own mind.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are personal (Cole's sanity) rather than global, but the scene's focus on his breakdown makes the stakes feel immediate and high for the character.
Story forward
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by confirming Cole's mission success and his subsequent psychological collapse, but it does not introduce new plot threads or raise the stakes significantly.
Unpredictability
6.5/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the audience expects a positive resolution, but Cole's violent rejection of the 'hospital' subverts that expectation, though the twist is somewhat foreshadowed.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's desperate cry 'I WANT TO BE WELL' is emotionally resonant, but the scene's abrupt tonal shift from celebration to breakdown may leave the audience more confused than moved.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is functional, with the scientists' overlapping lines creating a cacophony that contrasts with Cole's raw, emotional monologue, which is the scene's highlight.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because Cole's emotional outburst is raw and unpredictable, and the ambiguity of his reality keeps the audience questioning what is true.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is effective in building from calm celebration to explosive outburst, but the transition is abrupt, and the scientists' rapid-fire dialogue feels rushed.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format with clear action lines and dialogue, but the overlapping dialogue is not visually indicated, making it hard to stage.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene follows a classic 'false victory' structure—celebration followed by a twist—but the twist is telegraphed by Cole's initial confusion, reducing its impact.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger of Cole's breakdown, making the reader want to see how he will be 'treated' next, but the scene is somewhat self-contained as a character moment.
Script Continuation Score: 6.5/10
Given the script's overall momentum, the scene maintains interest in Cole's fate and the mystery of his reality, but it does not significantly escalate the external plot, so the pull to continue is moderate.
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29 · Interrogation and Inner Conflict
INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY
CLOSE ON KATHRYN RAILLY, insisting fiercely to someone,
RAILLY
He not only used the word "prank" -- he
said the boy was hiding in a barn.
RAILLY's talking to her former boss, DR. OWEN FLETCHER, psychiatrist
sitting across from her in his office, tapping his pen.
DR. FLETCHER
He kidnapped you, Kathryn. You saw him
murder someone. You knew there was a real
possibility he would kill you, too. You
were under tremendous emotional stress.
RAILLY
For God sakes, Owen, listen to me -- he
knew about the boy in Fresno and he says
three billion people are going to die!
DR. FLETCHER
Kathryn, you know he can't possibly
know that. You're a rational person.
You're a trained psychiatrist. You
know the difference between what's real
and what's not.
RAILLY
And what we believe is what's accepted as
"truth" now, isn't it, Owen? Psychiatry --
it's the latest religion. And we're the
priests -- we decide what's right and what's
wrong --we decide who's crazy and who isn't. ...
I'm in trouble, Owen. I'm losing my faith.
INT. "HOSPITAL" CELL - ETERNAL NIGHT
Alone in his "hospital" room, COLE struggles without success to
free himself from his restraints.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
You sure fucked up, Bob!
Startled, COLE freezes, then ignores the RASPY VOICE and
continues his feverish struggle.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
But I can understand you don't want
your mistakes pointed out to you. I can
relate to that, old Bob.
COLE looks around in spite of himself. Nothing to see but the
walls and the landscape paintings.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Hey, I know what you're thinking. You're
thinking I don't exist except in your
head. I can see that point of view. But
you could still talk to me, couldn't you?
Carry on a decent conversation?
COLE
(blurting)
I saw you! In 1995! In the real world!
You were a bum! You pulled out your teeth.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Why would I pull out my teeth, Bob?
They don't like that. That's a no-no.
And when did you say you saw me?
In...1872?
COLE
FUCK YOU!
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Yelling won't get you what you want. You
have to be smart to get what you want.
COLE
Oh, yeah? What do I want?
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
You don't know what you want? Sure you
do, Bob. You know what you want.
COLE, agitated, rocks back and forth. Then...
COLE
Tell me. Tell me what I want.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
To see the sky -- and the ocean -- to
be topside -- breathe the air -- to be
with her. ... Isn't that right? Isn't
that what you want?
Completely shaken, COLE hesitates for a long moment. When he
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
speaks, it comes out of him like air...a whisper.
COLE
More...than...anything.
KeepRelationship shift
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingIt commits to one clear thing and holds it.
Contract
Solid
8/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Solid
7/10core
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
8/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
8/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a psychiatrist losing faith in her own profession while her patient confronts an internal voice is compelling, but it's a familiar trope in psychological thrillers. The execution is solid but not groundbreaking.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene advances the plot by showing Railly's growing belief in Cole's story and Cole's deteriorating mental state, but it's more of a character moment than a plot driver. The plot moves subtly, with the main progression being Railly's shift in perspective.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the 'psychiatrist loses faith' trope by intertwining it with a sci-fi element, but the execution is not entirely novel. The raspy voice as a manifestation of Cole's psyche is an interesting device.
Characters
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Railly is well-developed here, showing her internal conflict and professional doubt. Cole's character is deepened through his interaction with the raspy voice, revealing his vulnerability and desire for normalcy. However, the scene lacks a clear character arc for either within its short span.
Character changes
5/10functional
Assessment
Railly undergoes a subtle change, moving from professional skepticism to admitting she's 'losing her faith.' Cole's change is less clear, though his admission of wanting 'more than anything' to see the sky and ocean shows a shift toward vulnerability.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Railly's internal goal is to reconcile her professional training with her growing belief in Cole's story, driven by a need for truth and a fear of being wrong. Cole's internal goal is to maintain his sanity and find a way back to the surface, driven by a desire for freedom and connection.
External goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Railly's external goal is to convince Owen of Cole's credibility, while Cole's external goal is to escape his restraints and silence the voice.
Conflict
6/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is both internal (Railly's crisis, Cole's struggle) and external (the voice's taunting), but the external conflict is minimal. The scene's tension comes from psychological pressure rather than physical action.
Opposition
5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is primarily internal—Railly's doubt and Cole's voice—but there is no physical antagonist present. The voice serves as a psychological opponent, but its power is limited.
Stakes
6/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are high on a personal level—Railly's career and sanity, Cole's mental state—but the global stakes (the virus) are only referenced, not escalated.
Story forward
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by reinforcing Railly's potential as an ally and Cole's psychological fragility, but it doesn't introduce new plot points or major revelations.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is somewhat unpredictable in that Railly's admission of losing faith is a surprising turn, and the raspy voice's appearance is unexpected, but the overall direction is foreseeable.
Emotional impact
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The emotional impact is moderate, with Railly's frustration and Cole's desperation palpable, but the abrupt scene shift lessens the cumulative effect.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is sharp and thematically rich, especially Railly's monologue about psychiatry as religion. The raspy voice's taunting is effective, but some lines feel slightly on-the-nose, like 'You sure fucked up, Bob!' which could be more subtle.
Engagement
6.5/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it deepens the psychological stakes and offers a powerful monologue from Railly, but the abrupt shift and lack of action may lose some readers.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is uneven: the office scene is dialogue-heavy and slow, while the cell scene is more intense but brief. The rhythm could be improved by balancing the two.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of 'o.s.' for the raspy voice is correct, but the transition between locations could be clearer with a more explicit cut.
Structure
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene uses a two-part structure: a dialogue-driven confrontation in the office, followed by a monologue-driven internal struggle in the cell. This structure effectively contrasts external and internal conflict, but the transition is abrupt.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends with Cole's whispered admission, which is emotionally resonant but not a cliffhanger. The reader may want to see how Railly's crisis develops)Skip to next scene?
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
Given the script's accumulated arcs—Railly's growing belief, Cole's instability, and the looming virus—the reader is pulled to continue, but this scene's slower pace slightly dampens momentum.
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30 · Unveiling the Past: Antique Bullet and a Soldier's Secret
INT. RAILLY'S BEDROOM - MORNING
RAILLY'S in bed, asleep, having a very bad dream. Suddenly, the
bedside phone RINGS. Her eyes snap open. A beat to orient
herself. RING. She reaches for the phone.
CLOSE ON HALPERIN, at his desk, talking into the phone.
LIEUTENANT HALPERIN
Dr. Railly? Jim Halperin, Philly P.D..
Sorry to call so early but...
CLOSE ON RAILLY, eager, concerned. into the phone,
RAILLY
You found him? Is he all right?
CLOSE ON HALPEPIN, noting her reaction with raised eyebrows
giving an "I told you so" look to the BLACK PLAINCLOTHES cop
across his desk, then continuing into the phone,
LIEUTENANT HALPERIN
Au contraire, Doctor. No sign of your
good friend, the kidnapper. However,
the plot thickens. I have a ballistic
report on my desk that says the bullet
you claim you removed from Mr. Cole's
thigh is an antique...and all indications
are it was fired...sometime prior to 1920.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, reacting, stunned.
ANGLE ON HALPERIN, continuing soberly now,
LIEUTENANT RALPERIN
So what I was thinking was, maybe if I
sent a detective down there to talk
with you, you could maybe revise or
amplify on the circumstances....
Hello? Hello? Dr. Railly?
HALPERIN considers the dead phone, glances at the COP again.
INT. RAILLY'S BEDROOM/STUDY
Her hand still on the receiver, RAILLY looks shocked. Then, she
hurries into her study and starts frantically pulling neatly
arranged piles of papers and books from a bookcase until she
finds a copy of her book. She leafs through it hurriedly,
locates the picture of the Puerto Rican KID (JOSE) in WWI.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
Peering closely, she tries to see everything in the picture.
Then, she turns and reaches for a research folder of old
photographs and rummages through it until she finds...!!!
RAILLY
No!
It's an uncropped shot of JOSE being carried on the stretcher in
the trenches. And there in the corner with no helmet, no gas
mask, and just a bit of bare shoulder showing...it's COLE!!!
INT. SCIENTISTS' CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT
Clean shaven, clear eyed, COLE sits before the frowning SCIENTISTS.
ASTROPHYSICIST
The food, the sky, the certain, uh,
sexual temptations -- you haven't
become "addicted" have you, Cole? To
that "dying" world'
COLE
No, sir! I just want to do my part.
To get us back on top...in charge of
the planet. And I have the experience,
I know who the people are...
BIOLOGIST
He really is the most qualified...
GEOLOGIST
But all that..."behavior"...
ASTROPHYSICIST
(to Cole, a little hurt)
You said we weren't "real," Cole...
COLE
Well, sir, I don't think the human mind
was built to exist in two different...
whatever you call it..."dimensions."
It's stressful, you said it yourselves,
it gets you confused. You don't know
what's real and what's not.
MICROBIOLOGIST
But you know what's real now?
COLE
Yes, sir.
The SCIENTISTS start to confer openly among themselves
GEOLOGIST
He'd have to bone up, catch up to our
research, the latest clues...
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ZOOLOGIST
He's proved to be a quick study...
The ASTROPHYSICIST fixes COLE with a sharp, penetrating look.
ASTROPHYSICIST
You can't trick us, you know. It
wouldn't work.
BIOLOGIST
And why would you want to? It'll be
dangerously close to the end.
COLE
I understand. There'd be no point.
ASTROPHYSICIST
We're going to think about it, Cole.
Among ourselves. We'll get back to you.
KeepInvestigation
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingWhat happens here obliges what comes next.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10core
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
8/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of using a historical photograph as evidence of time travel is a fresh, visual way to confirm the protagonist's claims, blending mystery with sci-fi. The scene also reinforces the cyclical nature of time and Cole's role, but the concept is somewhat familiar within the genre.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances significantly: Railly finds concrete proof of Cole's time travel, and Cole re-engages with his mission. However, the scene's two halves feel disconnected, and the scientists' chamber scene, while showing Cole's resolve, lacks a clear narrative trigger from the previous moment.
Originality
7/10strong
Assessment
The use of a historical photograph as proof of time travel is a fresh take on the trope, and the scene's dual setting adds originality. However, the scientists' chamber dialogue feels familiar to sci-fi tropes.
Characters
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Railly's character is deepened through her shocked realization, showing her intellectual curiosity and emotional investment. Cole's character is reinforced as determined and focused, but his internal conflict is only hinted at, not fully explored.
Character changes
6/10functional
Assessment
Railly undergoes a significant change—her belief in Cole's story is solidified, shifting her from skeptic to believer. Cole's change is more subtle; he reaffirms his commitment, but his internal state remains largely unchanged.
Internal goal
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to prove his sanity and worth to the scientists, seeking validation and a sense of purpose. His fear is being dismissed as insane, and his desire is to be trusted with the mission.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to be sent back in time to complete his mission of finding the pure virus, and Railly's external goal is to understand the truth about Cole.
Conflict
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is internal (Cole's struggle with reality) and external (the mystery of the virus and the scientists' scrutiny). The scene's conflict is more intellectual than physical, but it's present in the tension between Cole and the scientists and Railly's shock.
Opposition
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is primarily internal (Cole's doubt) and institutional (the scientists' skepticism). Halperin's investigation also provides external pressure, but it's not a direct confrontation.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high: the fate of humanity and Cole's sanity are on the line. The photograph proves the reality of time travel, making the mission more urgent, but the scene doesn't escalate the stakes beyond what's already established.
Story forward
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by providing a major plot revelation (the photograph) and setting up Cole's next mission. It also raises the stakes by showing the scientists' consideration of sending him back.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable because the photograph reveal is a surprising twist, and Cole's calm demeanor with the scientists contrasts with his earlier hysteria, adding an unexpected layer.
Emotional impact
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The emotional impact is strongest in Railly's discovery, which is a moment of awe and horror. Cole's scene with the scientists is more subdued, but his earnestness adds a layer of poignancy.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional and serves the plot, with Halperin's phone call providing exposition and the scientists' exchange revealing Cole's state of mind. However, the dialogue lacks subtext and feels somewhat on-the-nose, especially in the scientists' chamber.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it delivers a major revelation (the photograph) that validates the central mystery, and it shows Cole's determination, keeping the audience invested in his fate.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing is uneven: the phone call and photograph discovery are tense and quick, but the scientists' chamber scene slows down, creating a lull that may lose some momentum.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format with clear scene headings and action lines. The intercut between Halperin and Railly is handled well, but the transition to the scientists' chamber is abrupt, lacking a visual or audio cue.
Structure
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is structured as a two-part reveal: first, Railly's discovery, then Cole's interview. This creates a thematic link but lacks a smooth transition, making the structure feel episodic rather than cohesive.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with the scientists deliberating, leaving the question of whether Cole will be sent back, which creates suspense. The photograph reveal also raises questions about Railly's next steps, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, Railly's investigation, and the scientists' decision. The photograph adds a new layer of intrigue, and Cole's re-commitment suggests upcoming action, keeping the reader engaged.
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31 · The Monkey Army
INT. DR. MASON'S OFFICE - DAY
Standing in front of a wall of glass in his office, overlooking a
hi-tech lab below where WORKERS in white "space suits" work
methodically, DR. MASON speaks angrily into a phone. His male
ASSISTANT, whose features we don't see, stops writing a formula
on a blackboard and listens.
DR. MASON
You have reason to believe that my son
may be planning to do what?!!!
INT. RAILLY'S APARTMENT/STUDY
RAILLY, trying to stay calm, is talking to Dr. Mason on the phone.
RAILLY
Please, I know it sounds insane but...
INT. DR. MASON'S OFFICE
Dr. Mason on the phone.
DR. MASON
(into the phone)
I'm afraid this doesn't seem very
professional to me, in fact it's
distressingly unprofessional for some-
one who treated my son briefly (if
indeed you actually are who you say you
are) to take a sudden unsolicited interest
in his mental health six years later,
and to telephone a parent to express
opinions that would be inappropriate...
(breaks off, listens, then)
I don't know anything about "Monkey
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
armies", Doctor. Nothing whatsoever.
If my son ever was involved in...
(listens, then,)
It would be doubly inappropriate to
discuss matters of security with you,
Dr. Railly, but if it will put you at
ease, neither my son nor any other
unauthorized person has access to any
potentially dangerous organisms in this
laboratory. Thank you for your concern.
DR. MASON hangs up angrily and glares.
DR. MASON'S ASSISTANT (o.s.)
Dr. "Kathryn" Railly????
DR. MASON
The psychiatrist who was kidnapped by
that man who broke into my house. She
seems to have been suddenly struck by
the most preposterous notion about Jeffrey.
DR. MASON'S ASSISTANT (o.s.)
I attended a lecture once...Apocalyptic
visions.
We see Dr. Mason's ASSISTANT now. It's DR. PETERS, the red-
haired man who insisted to Dr. Railly you didn't have to be
insane to think the world was coming to an end.
DR. PETERS (cont.)
Has she succumbed to her own
theoretical..."disease"?
But DR. MASON is lost in thought, not listening.
DR. MASON
Given the nature of our work, we can't ever
be careful enough. I think we should review
our security procedures, perhaps upgrade them.
INT. SCIENTISTS' CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT
COLE is facing the BOTANIST who's using a pointer to indicate
various fading photos and newspaper clippings tacked on the wall.
BOTANIST
Let's consider again our current
information -- if the symptoms were
first detected in Philadelphia on June
28, 1995, that makes us know that...?
COLE
It was released in Philadelphia,
probably on June 14, 1995.
BOTANIST
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
And it appeared sequentially after that
in...?
With a quick glance at the panel of SCIENTISTS staring at him
from behind the long table, COLE replies like a good pupil,
COLE
San Francisco, New Orleans, Rio de
Janeiro, Rome, Kinshasa, Karachi,
Bangkok, then Peking.
BOTANIST
Meaning...???
COLE
That the virus was taken from Philadelphia
to San Francisco, then to New Orleans,
Rio de Janeiro, Rome, Kinshasa, Karachi,
Bangkok, then Peking.
BOTANIST
And your only goal is...???
COLE
To find out where the virus is so a
qualified scientist can travel back into
the past and study the original virus.
BOTANIST
So that...???
COLE
Uh, so that a vaccine can be developed
that will, uh, allow mankind to reclaim
the surface of the earth.
COLE glances nervously at the suspicious SCIENTISTS as the
BOTANIST switches on a slide projector and projects...
a magazine photo of wall graffiti: "ATTENTION!!! POLICE ARE
WATCHING! IS THERE A VIRUS? IS THIS THE SOURCE? 3 BILLION DIE?"
BOTANIST (o.s.)
This is from a magazine printed in late
September, 1995. The writer speculated
that this graffiti might be related to
the epidemic that by that time had
already killed thirty million people
world-wide and was getting worse. He
says, certain people, unnamed, were
questioned, but what came of that is not
known. But it is a clue you should pursue.
COLE stares at the picture.
EXT. FAA STOREFRONT - DAY
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
LOUD BANGING! The storefront window, completely covered with
posters, quivers violently. Images of MONKEYS covered with
electrodes, BABY SEALS being viciously clubbed, DOGS jammed into
tiny cages quiver as somebody beats on the window. It's RAILLY.
RAILLY
IS ANYBODY IN THERE? HELLO? IS
SOMEONE IN THERE? IF YOU'RE IN THERE,
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
INT. FAA STORE
JEFFREY, BEN, TEDDY, and two of JEFFREY'S youthful cohorts, SANDY
and KWESKIN, wait motionless beside a heap of cardboard cartons
as FALE peeks out the front window through a slit between posters.
FALE
It's the kidnap woman -- the one who
was with the guy who tied us up.
BEN
What's she doing?
FALE
She's drawing attention to us, that's
what she's doing. ... I don't know what
you're up to this time, Mason, but
you're gonna get us in deep shit!
JEFFREY
Whine, whine, whine. What about walkie
talkies? We used to have walkie talkies.
EXT. FAA STOREFRONT
From littered doorways, DERELICTS sneak peeks at RAILLY as she,
seemingly mad, shakes the doorknob, then hammers on the door.
RAILLY
I SAW YOU! I SAW SOMEONE MOVING. I
KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!
RASPY VOICE (o.s)
Secret experiments!
RAILLY whirls, sees LOUIE, the raspy-voiced toothless derelict.
LOUIE
That's what they do -- secret weird stuff!
RAILLY
You! I know you!
But LOUIE is studying the pictures of the tortured animals now.
LOUIE
Not just on them. Do 'em on people,
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
too -- down at the shelters. Feed 'em
chemicals 'n take pictures of 'em.
RAILLY
Have you seen James Cole? The man...?
LOUIE
They're watchin' you. Takin' pictures.
RAILLY follows his look.
ANGLE ON AN OLD CHEVY, parked across the street, the PLAINCLOTHES
COP slouched at the wheel, pretending to read a newspaper.
RAILLY
The police. I know. Listen, I need to
talk to James, but he has to be careful
how he contacts me. He mustn't get
caught. Do you understand me?
LOUIS
Uh, yeah, sure. Uh...who's James?
RAILLY
He was with me, he spoke to you.
Several weeks ago. He said you were
from the future...watching him.
LOUIS gives her a look that says, "I'm outta here!"
But just then, RAILLY spots two TEZNAGE PUNKS surreptitiously
"tagging" their way along the street with cans of spray paint.
RAILLY stares at the PUNKS.
PolishInvestigation
No lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
HoldingEvery beat and line earns its place.
Contract
Broken
4/10core
Too many threads, none leads
Several candidate threads compete and none governs — the scene splits its focus rather than committing to one determinate spine.
It isn’t clearly about one thing yet
Ask the AI
Pressure
Broken
4/10core
Nothing is driving it
No page-visible force — antagonist, deadline, need, threat, rule, condition — pushes the beats; the scene proceeds without anything making it happen.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Ask the AI
Development
Broken
4/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Broken
4/10expected
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
5/10expected
Information arrives but forces no choice
The scene delivers information or understanding but no one is forced to decide or act on it.
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
5/10expected
The cuts lack connective tissue
The scene/sequence shifts location, time, POV, mode, or thread without making the causal/spatial/emotional/rhythmic relationship between adjacent chunks legible.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Soft
6/10core
No sense of what matters
The reader can follow the events but can't tell what to weight — everything reads at equal importance, so the scene has no focal point.
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
5/10core
The exit does not pull forward
At the close there is no open question or live threat — no reason to turn the page.
It settles at the exit rather than pulling on
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Dramatic
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of tracing the virus's release through a series of cities and connecting it to the graffiti is intriguing, but the scene doesn't fully exploit the potential of this investigative thread, instead focusing on procedural details.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances the investigation by revealing the virus's timeline and introducing a new clue, but the scene's multiple locations and characters make the progression feel disjointed.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the time-travel conspiracy by grounding it in a gritty investigation, but the dialogue and character interactions are familiar.
Characters
5.5/10functional
Assessment
Cole's determination to find the virus is clear, but the scene doesn't deepen his character or others significantly; Railly's actions are functional but not revealing.
Character changes
2/10fail
Assessment
No significant character change occurs; Cole remains focused, Railly remains determined, and the scene doesn't challenge their beliefs or arcs.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to prove his sanity and find the virus to save humanity, driven by a need for redemption and fear of being wrong.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to locate the original virus strain by following clues, such as the graffiti and the magazine photo.
Conflict
6/10functional
Assessment
Conflict is present in the phone call and the standoff at the storefront, but it's not sustained or escalated, with the scene cutting away before tension peaks.
Opposition
5/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is moderate: Dr. Mason is dismissive, the scientists are skeptical, and the police are a background threat, but no direct antagonist confronts Cole here.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high—the fate of humanity—but the scene doesn't make them feel immediate or personal, reducing their impact.
Story forward
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by providing new information about the virus's spread and a potential lead, but it does so in a fragmented way.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new clue (the magazine photo) and shifts focus to Railly's investigation, but the overall direction is still predictable.
Emotional impact
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene generates mild anxiety and curiosity but lacks a strong emotional hook, as the characters' stakes are not fully felt.
Dialogue
5/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional, conveying information and tension, but it lacks distinctive voice or subtext, with lines like 'Whine, whine, whine' feeling flat.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it reveals new pieces of the puzzle, such as the virus's timeline and the graffiti clue, keeping the mystery alive.
Pacing
6/10functional
Assessment
The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because it alternates between tense phone calls and quiet investigation, but the abrupt cuts disrupt rhythm.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines, but the rapid cuts between locations could be confusing without visual cues.
Structure
5/10functional
Assessment
The scene's structure is episodic, jumping between locations without a clear narrative arc, which weakens its cohesion for a thriller genre.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends with Railly spotting the punks, creating a potential lead, but the cutaway leaves the reader curious about what she'll do next, though the scene feels somewhat self-contained.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The overall script has strong momentum from the time-travel mystery and Cole's mission, but this scene's fragmented structure slightly dampens the pull to continue.
Expert Critiques
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View Script
32 · Chaos at the FAA Store
INT. FAA STORE
FALE watches JEFFREY go over a check list while KWESKIN, SANDY,
and TEDDY organize materials, and BEN peeks out the small opening
between posters at the front window.
JEFFREY
You get the bolt cutters?
KWESKIN
One dozen. They're in the van.
FALE
One dozen bolt cutters! Whadda you
gonna do with one dozen bolt cutters?
JEFFREY
(grins)
You really want to know?
FALE
No! Absolutely not. Don't tell me anything.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
BEN
Hey! Do you know what she's doing?
Then, except for JEFFREY, they all crowd around BEN to get a look.
POV THROUGH SLIT: a glimpse of RAILLY, spray painting the front
of the store!
TEDDY
What's it say?
BEN
I can't see it.
JEFFREY
(erupting)
WHY DON'T WE FORGET MY GODDAMN
PSYCHIATRIST AND DEAL WITH THE TASK AT
HAND. THIS IS IMPORTANT.
FALE
(spinning around)
Your psychiatrist? Did you just say,
"your psychiatrist"?
JEFFREY
Ex-psychiatrist! Now, what about
flashlights? How many flashlights...?
FALE
That woman is...was...your...
psychiatrist? And now she's spray-
painting our building?
EXT. FAA STOREFRONT/SECOND AVENUE
ANGLE ON SLACK PLAINCLOTHES COP, across the street in the CHEVY,
amazed, watching RAILLY spray painting. He shakes his head wearily.
ANGLZ ON STREET TYPES, inching closer, watching RAILLY with
amazement, too. They include...
an IRISH DRUNK, white haired, red-faced, bloated...
a NATIVE AMERICAN with tormented eyes and a mangled ear...
an AFRICAN AMERICAN with one eye...
the TEENAGED PUNKS...
a WHITE MAN, shabbily dressed, joining the knot of ONLOOKERS,
reacting at the sight of RAILLY. It's COLE! He pushes toward her.
COLE
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
Kathryn!
RAILLY stops spraying, whips around at the sound of his VOICE.
RAILLY
James!
With a quick glance toward the PLAINCLOTHES COP, RAILLY takes
urgent charge of the situation.
RAILLY
James! That's a policeman. Pretend
you don't know me. If he sees you...
COLE
(turning, looking)
No, I want to turn myself in. Where is he?
(placing his hands on his head)
Don't worry -- it's all okay now. I'm
not crazy any more! I mean, I am
crazy, mentally divergent, actually,
but I know it now and I want you to
help me. I want to get well...
ANGLE on RAILLY, desperately pulling COLE'S hands off his head as
she tries to block the COP'S view of COLE.
RAILLY
James -- put your hands down and listen
to me. Things have changed!
ANGLE ON THE PLAINCLOTHES COP, checking the mug shot of COLE on
his clipboard, then reaching for his radio mike.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, reacting to the COP speaking into his mike: she
tosses the spray paint can aside, grabs COLE and tries to pull
him along...but COLE isn't moving. He's staring at the front of
the FAA Store with disbelief!
RAILLY
James, come on! We have to get out of here!
COLE looks from the wall to the can rolling on the sidewalk,
then back to the wall where RAILLY has sprayed the huge words:
ATTENTION!!! POLICE ARE WATCHING!
IS THERE A VIRUS? IS THIS THE
SOURCE? THREE BILLION DIE?
It's the graffiti COLE saw in the future, in the picture!
COLE
I've seen that...before.
But RAILLY'S total attention is on their dilemma.
RAILLY
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
James, trust me. We're in terrible
trouble. We have to run.
Very confused, COLE lets her drag him along the sidewalk, past
ONLOOKERS. She looks crazier than he does.
ANGLE ON THE CHEVY, making a sudden, urgent u-turn, almost
colliding with a passing car. BRAKES SQUEAL and a HORN BLARES.
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
8/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
8/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Science Fiction, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Intense, Dramatic, Mysterious
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The concept of the protagonist witnessing his own future being created in the present is a fresh take on time-travel paradoxes, adding depth to the narrative. The scene's strength is this twist, but it's weakened by the fact that the revelation is somewhat undercut by the immediate chase, not allowing the concept to fully resonate.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances the chase and introduces a key piece of the puzzle (the graffiti's origin), but the scene's pacing is rushed, with the revelation and escape happening almost simultaneously, which slightly muddles the plot's clarity.
Originality
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of a temporal paradox where the protagonist sees his future being created by his ally. The actions and dialogue are authentic to the characters, though the chase scenario is familiar.
Characters
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's character is shown in a vulnerable state, wanting to turn himself in, but his sudden recognition of the graffiti shifts his focus. Railly is resourceful and protective, but her actions are more reactive than revealing. The scene doesn't deepen their relationship significantly, but it does show Cole's confusion and Railly's pragmatism.
Character changes
4/10weak
Assessment
Cole's change is minimal—he goes from wanting to surrender to being pulled along by Railly, but his realization about the graffiti hints at a shift in his understanding, though it's not fully realized in this scene.
Internal goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find redemption and prove his sanity, but he is torn between surrendering to the authorities and continuing his mission. His need is to understand his own reality and escape the cycle of violence and confusion.
External goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to avoid capture and continue his investigation into the virus, but in this scene, he momentarily wants to turn himself in, only to be pulled back into flight by Railly.
Conflict
7/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is external (police pursuit) and internal (Cole's desire to surrender vs. his instinct to flee). The external conflict is clear, but the internal conflict is brief and not deeply developed.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is the police, represented by the plainclothes cop, who is actively pursuing Cole. The opposition is competent and present, but not overwhelming, allowing the scene to focus on the characters' actions.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high—Cole is wanted for murder, and the police are closing in—but the scene doesn't raise the stakes beyond the immediate chase; the revelation of the graffiti adds a layer of mystery but doesn't increase the danger.
Story forward
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by revealing the origin of the graffiti and escalating the chase, but it doesn't introduce new plot threads; it mainly advances the immediate action.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the twist—that Railly is the source of the future graffiti—is unexpected and cleverly subverts the audience's expectations, adding a new layer to the time-travel narrative.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The emotional impact is moderate; there's a moment of shock for Cole and urgency for Railly, but the scene doesn't dwell on the emotional weight of the revelation, making it less impactful than it could be.
Dialogue
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The dialogue is functional and serves the plot, with Cole's line 'I've seen that...before' being the most impactful. However, the dialogue lacks subtext and is mostly expository, with characters stating their intentions directly rather than through nuanced interaction.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it combines a high-stakes chase with a mind-bending revelation, keeping the reader invested in the outcome. The visual of Railly spray-painting the warning is striking and memorable.
Pacing
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, with quick cuts between the store, the street, and the cop, creating a sense of urgency. However, the rapid pace leaves little time for the audience to absorb the significance of the graffiti revelation, which could have been more impactful with a slower beat.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of POV shots and angles is effective, but there are minor issues like inconsistent capitalization (e.g., 'FALE' vs 'Fale') and a typo in 'ANGLZ'.
Structure
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic chase structure: setup (FAA store), complication (Railly's graffiti), twist (Cole's recognition), and escalation (police u-turn). It's effective for a thriller, but the twist is introduced and resolved too quickly, leaving little room for dramatic pause.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with the police car making a u-turn, creating immediate suspense and a clear cliffhanger, compelling the reader to continue to see if Cole and Railly escape.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open threads: Cole's mission, the virus, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and his relationship with Railly. The revelation about the graffiti adds a new layer of intrigue, and the ongoing chase keeps momentum high, making the reader eager to see what happens next.
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33 · Amidst Chaos: Jeffrey's Sanity Unravels
INT. FAA STORE - DAY
ANGLE ON BEN, peeking out, reacting to the drama.
BEN
Wow, a guy in a Chevy is chasing her
and some other guy I can't see.
FALE
Hey, no problem, it's probably just
another kidnapping featuring Jeffrey's
shrink, pardon me, make that ex-shrink.
(indicating Jeffrey to the others)
This is your leader, a certifiable lunatic
who told his former psychiatrist all his
plans for God knows what whacko irresponsible
schemes, and now who knows what she's
painted out there on our wall?
JEFFREY
WHO CARES WHAT PSYCHIATRISTS WRITE ON
WALLS?
(moves to Fale, jabs him with a finger)
You think I told her about the Army of
the 12 Monkeys? Impossible! Know why,
you pathetically ineffectual and
pusillanimous "pretend-friend-to-
animals"?! I'll tell you why: because
when I had anything to do with her six
years ago, there was no such thing -- I
hadn't even thought of it yet!
FALE
(triumphant)
Then how come she knows what's going on?
JEFFREY abruptly switches from rage to good humor, adopting a
supercilious smile and a patronizing tone.
JEFFREY
Here's my theory on that. While I was
institutionalized, my brain was studied
exhaustively in the guise of mental health.
I was interrogated, x-rayed, studied
thoroughly. Then, everything about me
was entered into a computer where they
created a model of my mind.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
They all stare, mesmerized, at the strutting JEFFREY. Is he
serious? Is he crazy? Doesn't matter -- he's charismatic.
JEFFREY (cont.)
Then, using the computer model, they
generated every thought I could possibly
have in the next, say ten years, which
they then filtered through a probability
matrix to determine everything I was
going to do in that period. So you
see, she knew I was going to lead the
Army of the Twelve Monkeys into the
pages of history before it ever even
occurred to me. She knows everything
I'm ever going to do before I know it
myself. How about that?
JEFFREY smiles smugly into FALE'S flabbergasted face.
JEFFREY
Now I have to get going -- do my part.
You guys check all this stuff out and
load up the van. Make sure you have
everything. I'm outta here.
JEFFREY exits. The others stare at the door.
FALE
He's seriously crazy -- you know that.
EXT. SKID ROW ALLEY - DAY
An overflowing dumpster squats near the mouth of an alley.
The unmarked CHEVY crawls slowly past the alley, the PLAINCLOTHES
COP'S eyes searching everywhere.
Trash stirs in the dumpster and RAILLY'S eyes peer up out of the
torn cardboard boxes, rotting food, and styrofoam litter.
HER POV: the POLICE CAR passes from view.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, emerging from the refuse, hissing,
RAILLY
James! Come on.
A confused COLE emerges from the opposite end of the dumpster,
bits of lettuce in his hair.
COLE
I don't understand what we're doing.
RAILLY
(climbing out of the dumpster)
We're avoiding the police until I
can....talk to you.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE
(climbing out after her)
You mean, treat me? Cure me? Kathryn,
those words on the wall -- I've seen
them before... I...I...dreamed them.
But she's not listening. She's peeking out the alley entrance.
RAILLY'S POV: across the street is a run-down skid row hotel,
THE GLOBE, ROOMS WEEKLY, DAILY.
INT. GLOBE HOTEL/LOBBY - MINUTES LATER
The DESK CLERK, an old alkie who hates trouble but finds it often,
stares across the counter suspiciously at RAILLY and COLE.
DESK CLERK
Twenty five bucks an hour.
RAILLY
An hour?!
DESK CLERK
You want quarter hours, go someplace else.
RAILLY
(catches on, pulls out her last bills)
Here's ninety eight. For the night. Deal?
The DESK CLERK squints warily at this turn of events. Then, he
turns, gets a key, turns back and hands it to her.
RAILLY turns, COLE follows, and they walk quickly to the stairs
passing the stares of gloomy RESIDENTS sitting on torn sofas
chairs in front of an old TV with hideous color.
ANGLE ON THE DESK CLERK, watching RAILLY and COLE climb
stairs. As they disappear from view, he picks up the phone,
punches a number, speaks into the phone.
DESK CLERK
Tommy? This is Charlie at the Globe.
You know if Wallace has a new girl?
Sort of a rookie type? Blonde?
INT. GLOBE HOTEL ROOM 44 - MINUTES LATER (DAY)
COLE sits on the lumpy bed in the dingy room, watching RAILLY
pace back and forth like a mad woman.
RAILLY
Okay...you were standing there looking
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
at the moon...you were eating grass...
then what?
COLE
I thought I was in...prison again.
RAILLY
Just like that? You were in prison?
COLE
No, not really. It's...it's in my
mind. Like you said.
RAILLY
You disappeared! One minute you were
there, the next minute you were gone.
Did you run through the woods?
COLE
I don't know -- I don't remember.
RAILLY
The boy in the well. How did you know
that was just a hoax?
COLE
It was? I didn't...know.
RAILLY
James, you said he was hiding in the barn...
COLE
I think I saw a TV show like that when
I was a kid. Where a boy...
RAILLY
IT WASN'T A TV SHOW! IT WAS REAL!
COLE looks at her. She's really upset.
COLE
Well, maybe that kid saw the same TV
show and copied it. Listen, you were
right, it's all in my head. I'm mentally
ill, I imagine all that stuff. I know
they're not real, I can trick them, make
them do what I want. I just worked on
them in my head and I got back here. I
can get better. I can stay here.
RAILLY pulls a photo from her purse, shows it to COLE.
It's the uncropped picture from her book, the photo of JOSE in
WWI with a fuzzy image of COLE on the edge of the frame,
RAILLY
What does this mean to you?
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE
...I had a dream about...something
like that.
RAILLY
You had a bullet from World War One in
your leg, James! How did it get there?
COLE
You said I had delusions -- that I
created a world -- you said you could
explain everything...
RAILLY
Well, I can't. ... I mean...I'm trying
to. I can't believe that everything we
do or say has already happened, that we
can't change what's going to happen,
that I'm one of the three billion
people who are going to die...soon.
COLE stands, moves close to her.
COLE
I want to be here. In this time. With
you. I want to become...become a whole
person. I want this to be the present.
I want the future to be unknown.
RAILLY
(sudden hopeful idea!)
James...do you remember...six years
ago...you had a phone number! You
tried to call and...
WHAM! The door flies open, kicked violently, the flimsy lock not
holding. A menacing figure stands in the doorway. WALLACE. A
wiry biker-type with jail house tattoos and mean eyes.
COLE and RAILLY are too stunned to say anything as WALLACE looks
them over coldly, insolently, then advances on RAILLY.
WALLACE
This is my territory, bitch!
COLE
(confused, turns to Railly)
Is this real -- or is this one of my
delusions?
RAILLY
This is definitely real:
(to Wallace)
Excuse me, I think we have a little
misunderstanding here...
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
WALLACE smashes RAILLY in the face. She flies back against the
wall and onto the floor as WALLACE spins around to COLE who is
stepping toward him, but WALLACE is now holding a knife
WALLACE
What're you -- some kind of tough guy?
You wanna be a hero? You gonna try and
mess with me? Come on...
A beat. COLE puts his hands up placatingly as he backs around
WALLACE and moves to RAILLY, whose eye is already swelling.
WALLACE
Now that's a smart boy. But you,
honey, you think you can go 'round
me and peddle your fancy ass in this
part of town, you bet your life we got
what I would call a major goddamn
misunderstandin'.
RAILLY reaches a hand up to COLE for assistance, but, he grabs
her purse instead, swings it around, SMASHES WALLACE in the face
with it, then grabs the pimp's arm and SNAPS it like it was a
twig! The knife clatters to the floor as WALLACE yelps in pain
and COLE slams him to the floor, straddles his chest, retrieves
the near-by knife, and presses it sharply against WALLACE'S neck.
RAILLY
JAMES -- DON'T!
COLE hesitates.
WALLACE
(eyes bulging)
You...heard...her. Don't do it, man.
RAILLY
(gets up, looks around)
Put him in the closet, ... But get his
money first.
COLE
(amazed)
You want me to rob him?
RAILLY
I...I...We need cash, James.
A shadow. RAILLY turns toward the door and glimpses a FACE
disappearing, then hears SHOUTS from the hallway...
SHOUTS (o.s.)
They're killing him! Call the cops.
Being very careful not to move his neck, WALLACE reaches into his
pocket and produces a thick roll of bills, which RAILLY grabs.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
WALLACE
You two are crazy. I got friends. You
put me in a closet, they're gonna be
really pissed.
COLE moves off Wallace and, keeping the knife close, yanks him to
his teeth while RAILLY hurries to the window and looks out.
HER POV: A fire escape leads down into an alley.
RAILLY turns just in time to see COLE shove WALLACE into the
bathroom, follow him in, slam the door behind them, and LOCK it.
RAILLY
James, no!
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
8/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
Ask the AI
Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
8/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
Soft
5/10expected
The trope arrives unaltered
The scene's main situation/image/beat-pattern is recognizable genre convention and the script adds no specific inversion, collision, POV, cost, world-rule, or tonal twist that changes how it plays.
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
Soft
6/10expected
It defeats anticipation fairly
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a fugitive time traveler and a psychiatrist hiding in a seedy hotel, only to be attacked by a pimp, is a fresh take on the 'on the run' trope. It merges psychological drama with thriller elements, but the concept is not entirely novel, and the scene relies on familiar beats of a violent intruder.
Plot
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances the immediate survival of Cole and Railly, forcing them to flee again, and it deepens their partnership. However, the scene's plot is somewhat predictable in its setup (hiding in a hotel, being found) and the resolution (Cole's violent response) is a standard action beat.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of psychological confusion with a gritty crime scenario, and the character dynamics are fresh. However, the 'pimp attacks in a hotel' trope is familiar, and the dialogue sometimes falls into clichés.
Characters
6.8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's character is shown as both vulnerable (confused about reality) and capable (disarming Wallace), while Railly's pragmatism (asking to rob the pimp) adds depth. However, Wallace is a one-dimensional antagonist, and the scene doesn't significantly develop the main characters beyond what's already known.
Character changes
4/10weak
Assessment
Cole shows a slight change in that he follows Railly's lead and doesn't kill Wallace, but his core confusion remains. Railly's change is more notable as she becomes more pragmatic, but the scene doesn't fundamentally alter their trajectories.
Internal goal
6.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find a sense of reality and stability, to believe he can stay in this time and become a 'whole person.' His need is to escape the chaos of his mind and the future.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to evade capture and survive, while also trying to understand his situation and possibly find a way to change the future.
Conflict
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is immediate and physical, with Wallace as a clear threat, but it also carries psychological conflict for Cole as he questions if the situation is real. The conflict is resolved quickly, reducing sustained tension.
Opposition
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The opposition is strong in the form of Wallace, a physical threat, but it's also present in the form of the police and the psychological opposition of Cole's own mind. However, Wallace is a minor antagonist and the opposition is not deeply developed.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high: Cole is wanted for murder, and they are being hunted by police and criminals. The immediate threat of Wallace raises the stakes, but the scene doesn't escalate the overall stakes of the story significantly.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by forcing Cole and Railly to flee again, increasing their desperation, and it sets up the next location. However, it doesn't introduce new plot information or major revelations.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't expect a pimp to burst in, and Cole's violent response is surprising given his earlier confusion. The twist of Railly asking to rob him is also unexpected.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene generates anxiety and a sense of danger, but the emotional impact is muted by the rapid shift from dialogue to action. The moment when Railly asks to rob Wallace is surprising and adds a darkly comic note, but the emotional stakes for the characters are not deeply felt.
Dialogue
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is sharp and reveals character, especially in the exchange between Cole and Railly about reality and the future. However, some lines, like Wallace's threats, are clichéd, and the dialogue in the action sequence becomes functional rather than distinctive.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it combines character-driven dialogue with sudden, violent action, keeping the audience on edge. The question of whether Cole's actions are real or delusional adds intrigue.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is effective, starting with a slower, intimate conversation that builds tension, then accelerating into a fast-paced action sequence. The abrupt shift might be jarring, but it keeps the scene dynamic.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of camera angles (ANGLE ON) is consistent with the screenplay format, but there are minor issues like the overuse of ellipses and dashes that can be distracting.
Structure
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic structure: setup (hiding in hotel), complication (Wallace's intrusion), and resolution (escape). It's effective for a thriller, but the transition from dialogue to action is abrupt, and the scene ends on a cliffhanger that feels slightly forced.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger as Cole drags Wallace into the bathroom, leaving the audience wondering what he will do and how they will escape. This compels the reader to continue to the next scene.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The script has multiple open arcs: Cole's mission, his relationship with Railly, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and the impending apocalypse. This scene adds to the momentum by increasing the danger and deepening the bond between Cole and Railly, making the reader eager to see how they escape and what happens next.
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34 · Escape from the Hotel
INT. BATHROOM
RAILLY'S VOICE (from the other room)
(rattling the door knob)
James, what are you doing?
WALLACE cowers back against the shower stall.
WALLACE
I have friends, man -- if you cut me...
WALLACE breaks off, bug-eyed, reacting to something we don't see!
WALLACE
What...the...fuck..are you doing???
INT. GLOBE MOTEL ROOM 44
RAILLY is pounding on the bathroom door now as, suddenly, it
opens and COLE steps out, the knife in his right hand, dripping
with blood.
RAILLY
Oh, my God, James. Did you kill him?
COLE shakes his head "no" as blood oozes from his mouth.
COLE
Just...just in case. In case I'm not
crazy...
(holds up two bloody molars)
That's how they find us. By our teeth.
(a beat, eye contact)
I don't want them to find me. Ever. I
don't want to go back.
RAILLY's astonishment turns to emotion as it dawns on her the
choice he's made. Given up the future (if it exists, and it's
looking like it does)! Risking his life to be with her! For
this brief time! She's overwhelmed, lips trembling, tears
welling in her eyes. But just then, the SOUNDS of SHOUTS and
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
feet THUNDERING up the stairs snap her back to reality.
INT. STAIRWELL/GLOBE HOTEL
COPS' boots THUNDER up the stairwell.
INT. ROOM 44/GLOBE HOTEL
In between nervous glances toward the door, RAILLY supervises as
COLE obediently blocks the bathroom door with the bureau.
RAILLY
Push it tight!
WALLACE'S VOICE (from the bathroom)
NO PROBLEM! I'LL JUST STAY IN HERE!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
INT. 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY/GLOBE HOTEL
POLICE OFFICERS, led by the PLAINCLOTHES COP, make a cautious
entrance onto the 4th floor, guns drawn.
Seedy HOTEL RESIDENTS point to Room 44, then cower back into
their doorways.
EXT. GLOBE HOTEL FIRE ESCAPE/ALLEY - DAY
COLE and RAILLY clatter down the fire-escape, COLE in the lead.
They come to the end of the metal stairway. It's a long distance
to the ground. COLE jumps down, turns, reaches up to her.
She lets herself down to him. Their eyes meet. He holds her in
his arms for a moment. Then, reluctantly, he puts her down.
They start running down the alley.
INT. GLOBE HOTEL FOURTH FLOOR - DAY
The PLAINCLOTHES COP has his pistol out, his back to the wall
alongside the open doorway to Room 44. The UNIFORMED OFFICERS
are backing him up, weapons drawn.
PLAINCLOTHES COP
POLICE! THROW YOUR WEAPONS OUT AND
COME OUTTA THERE!
No response.
INT. GLOBE HOTEL ROOM 44
The PLAINCLOTHES COP charges into the room in a crouch, pistol
extended in both hands. He pans the gun around the empty room.
HIS POV: the open window...the blood on the floor.
WALLACE'S VOICE (from the bathroom)
HEY! ZAT THE POLICE! I'M AN INNOCENT
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VICTIM IN HERE! I WAS ATTACKED BY A
COKED-UP WHORE AND A CRAZY DENTIST!
EXT. BUS STOP/DOWNTOWN - LATE AFTERNOON
A city bus disgorges a stream of PASSENGERS at a stop in the
toney downtown shopping district. Among them, RAILLY looks
furtively left and right, COLE on her heels. She's hidden her
bruised eye behind sun glasses; he's holding a bloody
handkerchief to his mouth.
As he steps to the sidewalk, COLE is overwhelmed by the bustling
city, the tall downtown buildings. His eyes go up.
COLE'S POV: a building, towering toward the sky. A building
with a ledge. The same ledge the lion prowled in the future!!!
ANGLE ON COLE, shaken, as RAILLY ushers him into the recessed
entrance to a store.
RAILLY
Wait here. I'm going to try that phone
number. Let's hope it's nothing!
Dazed by his experience and the flow of SHOPPERS, COLE watches
her hurry to a pay phone twenty yards away, his view of her made
intermittent by PEDESTRIANS streaming past him, their FACES
looming frighteningly close.
A BUSINESSMAN jostles COLE, forcing him back against the display
window. Turning, he faces the angry jaws of a BEAR only inches away
Recovering from a jolt of terror, COLE realizes the BEAR is a life-
size
toy in the display window. Relieved, he looks back at RAILLY.
COLE'S POV: RAILLY, well out of earshot, speaking earnestly into
the phone.
ANGLE ON COLE, startled, as a BUSINESSMAN, mistaking him for a
panhandler, shoves a dollar into his hand. Confused, COLE stares
at the dollar, then turns to say something to the retreating
BUSINESSMAN, but just then he sees RAILLY rushing toward him,
eyes sparkling with happiness, LAUGHING, ebullient.
COLE doesn't know how to respond, but a PASSERBY gives them a look.
RAILLY
It's a Carpet Cleaning Company...
COLE
A Carpet Cleaning Company?
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RAILLY
(laughing)
No superiors! No scientists. No
people from the future. It's just a
Carpet Cleaning Company. They have
voice mail -- you leave a message
telling them when you want your carpet
cleaned.
COLE
You... you left them a message?
RAILLY
(impishly)
I couldn't resist. I was so relieved.
Wait'll they hear this nutty woman
telling them...they better watch out
for the Army of the Twelve Monkeys...
Looking at her laughing face, COLE is struck with horror as he
realizes the truth! He starts to recite...
COLE
"The Army of the Twelve Monkeys --
they're the ones who are going to do
it. I can't do anything more. The
police are watching me."
Now she's stunned. She glances back and sees the phone booth
twenty yards away.
RAILLY
You... you couldn't have heard me.
COLE
They got your message, Kathryn. They
played it for me. It was a bad
recording...distorted. I didn't
recognize your voice.
RAILLY'S eyes fill with horror as she grasps the meaning.
ANGLE ON A UNIFORMED COP, staring out the window of a POLICE
CRUISER as it inches along in the bumper to bumper traffic.
Noticing something, he reaches for his radio.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, spotting the CRUISER, grabbing COLE, pulling him
into the CROWD.
RAILLY
Come on.
KeepDelivery
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingIt commits to one clear thing and holds it.
Contract
Solid
8/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
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Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
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Development
Solid
8/10core
The situation deepens as it goes
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Movement
Solid
8/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
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Consequence
Solid
8/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
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Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
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Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
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Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
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Freshness
Soft
6/10expected
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
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Unpredictability
Solid
7/10expected
It defeats anticipation fairly
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Charge
Solid
8/10core
The feeling comes off the page
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Grip
Solid
8/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
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This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Thriller, Sci-Fi, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional, Action-packed
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
8/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a mundane phone message becoming a prophetic artifact is fresh and thematically resonant, but it's a familiar time-paradox trope executed with a clever twist.
Plot
7/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances the central mystery by confirming the time loop's existence, but the sequence from hotel to bus stop feels slightly disjointed, with the escape happening off-screen.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene offers a fresh take on the time-loop trope by using a mundane detail as the catalyst for the twist, and the characters' reactions feel authentic.
Characters
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal conflict is vividly portrayed through his self-mutilation and his dazed reaction to the city, while Railly's emotional shift from relief to horror is clear, but their dynamic is somewhat overshadowed by the plot mechanics.
Character changes
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's decision to pull his own teeth shows a profound shift in his priorities, choosing to stay in the present over returning to the future, but this change is not fully explored before the twist.
Internal goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to escape his predetermined fate and find a place in the present, driven by a fear of being returned to the future and a desire for normalcy.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to evade the police and find a safe haven with Railly.
Conflict
7/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is both external (police pursuit) and internal (Cole's fear of being found), but the external threat is resolved quickly, leaving the internal conflict to drive the scene.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is primarily the police, but they are quickly dispatched, leaving the real opposition as fate itself, which is a more abstract but powerful force.
Stakes
8/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high: Cole's freedom and sanity, and the fate of humanity, but the immediate threat is defused quickly, reducing tension.
Story forward
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by confirming the time loop and setting up the next phase of the chase, but it also closes a major arc (the escape) abruptly.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
The twist is unpredictable because the audience is led to believe the phone number is a dead end, only to have it become a direct link to the future.
Emotional impact
8/10strong
Assessment
The emotional impact peaks with the twist, as Railly's joy turns to horror, but the earlier moments of relief are undercut by the rapid pacing.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is efficient and characterful, especially Railly's 'We're insane!' and Cole's recitation of the message, but some lines feel expository, like Wallace's shout.
Engagement
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is engaging because it combines physical danger with emotional stakes, and the twist at the end recontextualizes everything, keeping the reader hooked.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, with quick cuts between action and dialogue, but the middle section (bus stop) feels slightly rushed, diluting the emotional buildup.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines, though some transitions (e.g., from hotel to bus stop) could be smoother.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic chase-and-respite structure, but the transition from the hotel to the bus stop is abrupt, and the twist is well-placed at the end.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the police spotting them, and the twist raises new questions about the future, compelling the reader to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script's cumulative momentum is strong, with multiple unresolved threads (the virus, the Army, Cole's fate) and the twist adds a new layer of urgency.
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35 · Confrontation and Disguise
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE/MEN'S DEPARTMENT - 6:00 PM
RAILLY, whose sun glasses don't really hide her bruised eye, adds
a man's Hawaiian shirt to the pile of other men's things heaped
on a counter in front of a very suspicious CLERK.
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RAILLY
And this.
(turning)
Anything else?
But COLE'S not here. He's a short distance away...staring.
COLE'S POV: aisle after aisle of eager shoppers and a bounty of
brand new consumer goods.
ANGLE ON COLE, remembering another department store, dark and
full of moldering merchandise.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, turning again to the CLERK.
RAILLY
I guess that's it.
CLERK
Shall I put this on your account, Ma'am?
RAILLY
(producing Wallace's roll of bills)
No -- I'll pay cash.
The CLERK stares at the huge roll of bills!
RAILLY
What floor are the wigs on, please?
EXT. PEST CONTROL VAN - NIGHT
Surrounded by stripped and abandoned vehicles, the VAN, with a
PEST CONTROL logo on its side, is parked on a trash-littered
street beside the massive pillars of a towering freeway.
INT. PARKED PEST CONTROL VAN
The VAN is packed with SIX ACTIVISTS, SANDY and KWESKIN among
them, all wearing black. Some of them have climbing gear, tool
belts, all sorts of paraphernalia. KWESKIN is telling his story.
KWESKIN
So then he goes into this incredible riff
about how his shrink, like, replicated
his brain while he was in the nut house.
Turned it into a computer.
WELLER
And Fale believed it?
KWESKIN
Oh, you know Fale! He's like, "If you
guys get nailed -- and I'm sure you will --
I never saw you before in nay life!"
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LAUGHTER from all of them. Then, there's a sharp, rhythmic
series of RAPS on the side door, a signal.
POPE quickly slides the door open. It's JEFFREY...grinning.
Three other activists, GOINES, ICHIOKA, and BRUHNS, stagger out of
the darkness behind JEFFREY, lugging a huge, squirming GARBAGE BAG.
The van occupants react with murmurs of "Awwwwwright" and "Far
out", then they help maneuver the writhing bag into the van.
Then, JEFFREY and the other three scramble in, too.
JEFFREY
Let's do it!
EXT. VAN/FREEWAY
The PEST CONTROL VAN lumbers up a ramp and onto the freeway.
INT. PEST CONTROL VAN/MOVING
The GARBAGE BAG squirms and grunts as JEFFREY holds a map under a
flashlight and goes over "the plan" with the other ACTIVISTS.
JEFFREY
Okay, that's Stage One. In Stage Two,
Monkey Four is over here...
A loud GROAN from the bag distracts the others.
GOINES
What's the harm in opening the bag?
His eyes are taped.
SANDY
Yeah, it's cruel leaving him like that.
JEFFREY
Ah, but cruelty is his specialty.
ICHIOKA
So why should we be like him?
Shrugging cheerfully, JEFFREY tears open the garbage bag revealing
DR. MASON, trussed up, duct tape covering his eyes and mouth.
JEFFREY
Want the full effect?
Grinning wickedly, JEFFREY rips the tape from his father's mouth.
DR. MASON
Jeffrey? I know it's you, Jeffrey. I
recognize your voice.
JEFFREY puts his finger to his lips, silencing everyone.
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DR. MASON
JEFFREY??? ... Very well. You're out
of your mind, Jeffrey. I know all
about your insane plan. That woman --
your psychiatrist -- she told me.
JEFFREY raises his eyebrows. This he hadn't expected.
DR. MASON
I didn't believe her -- it seemed too crazy
even for you. But, just in case, I took steps
to make sure you couldn't do it. I took myself
out of the loop! I don't have the code any
more. I don't have access to the virus. So,
go ahead -- torture me, but you can't extract
anything of use to yourself.
The ACTIVISTS are all exchanging puzzled looks.
JEFFREY
What...virus?
DR. MASON
(spins his head toward Jeffrey)
She knew about it, Jeffrey. She knew
you were going to try this.
JEFFREY
What virus are we talking about, Dad?
DR. MASON
You're insane, Jeffrey.
JEFFREY
You "develop" viruses and you're calling
me insane? Typical. What does this
virus attack? Don't tell me, you sick
fuck, it doesn't matter.
(to the others)
Have I ever "developed" a virus? Do I
put helpless animals in cages and measure
their reactions to electrical stimuli?
Do I inject radioactive substances into
living creatures and examine their
bowel movements? Wow! And I'm crazy!
DR. MASON
Please tell me, Jeffrey, what exactly
are you going to do? I don't have to
tell you I'm afraid.
JEFFREY
THIS IS A FUCKING EXPERIMENT! YOU'RE
OUR HELPLESS LITTLE TEST ANIMAL, DADDY.
GOT THAT? NOW -- WHAT FUCKING VIRUS
HAVE YOU COME UP WITH, YOU DEMENTED
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
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Movement
Soft
6/10expected
It turns — something is different by the end
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Consequence
Solid
7/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
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Economy
Soft
5/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
There’s avoidable waste on the page
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a son kidnapping his own father to expose his unethical experiments is fresh and compelling, blending personal vendetta with global stakes. The twist that the father misunderstands the son's plan adds depth, but the scene relies on a familiar 'captor-captive' dynamic.
Plot
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances by revealing Dr. Mason's knowledge of the virus and his precautions, while also showing Jeffrey's true intentions (the animal liberation). The scene creates a new complication: the father's confession about the virus, which will likely drive the next phase of the story.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its inversion of the typical hostage scenario, using a family conflict to explore larger themes. The dialogue is authentic and raw, avoiding clichés.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Jeffrey is portrayed as charismatic yet unhinged, with a clear moral code twisted by his past. Dr. Mason is a weak, fearful figure, but his revelation about the virus shows a cunning side. The other activists are underdeveloped, serving as a Greek chorus.
Character changes
5/10functional
Assessment
Jeffrey's character is further revealed as more complex—he is not just a madman but has a twisted sense of justice. Dr. Mason's change is minimal, but his confession shifts the power dynamic.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Jeffrey's internal goal is to prove his father's hypocrisy and gain validation for his own worldview, driven by a need for revenge and a desire to expose the cruelty of animal testing.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Jeffrey's external goal is to extract information from his father about the virus, though he initially denies any knowledge of it, leading to a confrontation.
Conflict
8/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is high: a son has kidnapped his father, and the father believes he is about to be tortured for a virus. The misunderstanding creates a layered conflict—personal, ethical, and plot-driven.
Opposition
7/10strong
Assessment
The opposition is strong: Dr. Mason is physically helpless but mentally defiant, and his revelation about the virus creates a new obstacle for Jeffrey's plans.
Stakes
8/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high: the fate of the virus and potentially humanity hangs in the balance, but the scene focuses on a personal confrontation, making the stakes feel immediate and intimate.
Story forward
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by revealing that Dr. Mason has taken himself out of the loop regarding the virus, which raises the stakes for Cole and Railly's mission. It also deepens Jeffrey's role as an antagonist with his own agenda.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable because the audience expects a straightforward torture scene, but instead gets a philosophical debate and a shocking confession about the virus.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene evokes a mix of discomfort and dark amusement, as Jeffrey's rant is both horrifying and oddly logical. The father's fear is palpable, but the absurdity of the situation undercuts the tension.
Dialogue
8/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is sharp and reveals character: Jeffrey's rant about animal testing is both chilling and persuasive, while Dr. Mason's desperate pleas and final confession create tension. The language is raw and profane, fitting the tone.
Engagement
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of the intense verbal duel between father and son, the dark humor, and the revelation about the virus that ties back to the main plot.
Pacing
8/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, with rapid-fire dialogue and a quick setup. The scene moves from the van's arrival to the confrontation without dragging, maintaining tension.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format with clear scene headings and action lines. The dialogue is well-parsed, and the use of ellipses and interruptions adds realism.
Structure
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic interrogation structure with a twist: the interrogator is the son, and the victim is the father. The structure builds tension through dialogue and reveals information gradually.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with a cliffhanger as Dr. Mason reveals he has no access to the virus, leaving the reader wondering what Jeffrey will do next and how this affects the main plot.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has multiple threads: Cole's mission, Railly's investigation, and now Jeffrey's kidnapping of his father. This scene adds a new layer of complexity and raises the stakes, making the reader eager to see how these threads converge.
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36 · Contemplation at the Movies
INT. MOVIE SCREEN/THEATER - NIGHT
Spooky BERNARD HERRMAN MUSIC, giant redwoods looming skyward.
It's DAYTIME in Muir Woods. SCOTTY (JAMES STEWART) AND MADELINE
(KIM NOVAK) walk toward a display of a cross cut section of a
redwood tree. We're watching Hitchcock's VERTIGO.
SCOTTY (up on the screen)
Here's a cross section of one of the
old trees that's been cut down.
They look at the lines of the tree marked with cards that say,
"BIRTH OF CHRIST", "DISCOVERY OF AMERICA", "MAGNA CARTA SIGNED",
"1066 - BATTLE OF HASTINGS", and "1930 TREE CUT DOWN".
ANGLE ON THE THEATER AUDIENCE, empty seats dimly visible in the
flickering light, a few shadowy MOVIEGOERS scattered here and there.
ANGLE ON THE SCREEN, MADELINE pointing, saying with profound
melancholy.
MADELINE (up on the screen)
Somewhere in here I was born. And here
-- I die. There's only a moment for
you. You don't notice.
ANGLE ON THE AUDIENCE, a shadowy COUPLE near the back of the
theater. WE CAN'T REALLY SEE THEM, but we recognize their VOICES
RAILLY
Here, let me help you.
The theater is briefly illuminated by a very bright scene on the
screen, revealing enough of COLE and RAILLY for us to see she's
doing something to his upper lip while he tries to watch the movie.
COLE
I think I've seen this movie before.
When I was a kid. It was on TV.
RAILLY
(fussing with his upper lip)
Shh -- don't talk. Hold still.
COLE
(moving his head to see the film)
I have seen it, but I don't remember
this part. Funny, it's like what's
happening to us, like the past. The
movie never changes -- it can't change
-- but everytime you see it, it seems
to be different because you're different
-- you notice different things.
RAILLY
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If we can't change anything...because
it's already happened, then we ought to
at least smell the flowers.
COLE
Flowers! What flowers?
From the darkness, a MOVIE PATRON makes a SSSSHHHHH shound.
RAILLY
(whispering)
It's an expression. Here...
She's pulling something from a shopping bag at her feet, placing
it on COLE'S head, adjusting it...
COLE
Why are we doing this?
RAILLY
So we can stick our heads out the
window and feel the wind and listen to
the music. So we can appreciate what
we have while we have it. Forgive me,
psychiatrists don't cry.
There are tears in her eyes. They discomfit COLE.
COLE
But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're
wrong. Maybe we're both crazy.
RAILLY
In a few weeks, it will have started or
it won't. If there are still baseball
games and traffic jams, armed robberies
and boring TV shows -- we'll be so
happy, we'll be glad to turn ourselves
in to the police.
SHADOWY MOVIEGOER
SHHHHHHH
COLE
(whispers)
Where can we hide for a few weeks?
ANGLE ON THE SCREEN, where SCOTTY and MADELINE are in the foreground,
the OCEAN behind them.
RAILLY
You said you'd never seen the ocean...
KeepRelationship shift
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
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Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
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Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
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Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
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Consequence
Soft
6/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
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Economy
Solid
7/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
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Assembly
Soft
6/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
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Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
6/10light
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
7/10core
The feeling comes off the page
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Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
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This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of using a movie theater and Vertigo as a reflective backdrop is fresh and thematically rich, but it's a familiar 'hiding out' trope.
Plot
5.5/10functional
Assessment
The scene advances the plot minimally—they decide to hide for a few weeks—but it's more about character and theme than plot movement.
Originality
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The use of Vertigo as a thematic mirror is original, but the 'hiding out' scenario is familiar; dialogue feels authentic.
Characters
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole and Railly are well-drawn: Cole's childlike wonder and Railly's emotional vulnerability shine, but their dynamic is static here.
Character changes
3/10weak
Assessment
Cole shows a slight shift toward acceptance of their plan, but neither character undergoes a significant change.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find peace and certainty about his sanity and his role in the future; he fears he's crazy and desires reassurance.
External goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to find a safe place to hide with Railly for a few weeks.
Conflict
3/10weak
Assessment
Conflict is internal and low-key—their fear of the future and Cole's uncertainty—but there's no external opposition in the scene.
Opposition
2/10fail
Out of step with your script — opposition holds up in your other scenes.
Assessment
Opposition is minimal—only a shushing moviegoer—so the scene lacks a strong antagonist force.
Stakes
6/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are existential—the fate of humanity—but they're backgrounded in favor of intimate character moment.
Story forward
4/10weak
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by establishing their decision to hide, but it's a small step in a larger narrative.
Unpredictability
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable in its emotional beats—Railly's tears and Cole's philosophical musings—but the overall outcome (hiding) is expected.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is emotionally resonant, especially Railly's tears and Cole's confusion, but it doesn't reach a peak of intensity.
Dialogue
8.5/10exceptional
Assessment
Dialogue is natural and layered, with Cole's movie metaphor and Railly's 'smell the flowers' line landing beautifully, though some lines feel slightly on-the-nose.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because of the emotional intimacy and the clever use of Vertigo, but it lacks tension to keep the reader on edge.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is slow and contemplative, matching the reflective mood, but it may feel too leisurely for some readers.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is clean and standard, with clear scene headings and action lines, though the intercutting with the film could be clearer.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is a quiet, two-character moment with a clear beginning (watching movie), middle (conversation), and end (decision to hide), fitting the drama genre.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 6/10
The scene ends with a question ('Where can we hide?') that creates mild curiosity, but it's not a cliffhanger; the reader is interested but not desperate to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The overall script has strong momentum from the chase and the looming apocalypse, but this quiet scene slows the pace; the reader is still invested in Cole and Railly's fate.
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37 · Encounter at the Zoo
EXT. GORILLA'S PEN/ZOO - NIGHT
CLOSE ON A GORILLA, by moonlight, angry, a true nightmare vision.
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
URGENT WHISPERS off screen, RUSTLING SOUNDS. Then, METAL ON METAL.
Only now are we aware that the GORILLA is in an outdoor zoo pen
with phony rocks. Stalking back and forth. Huge. Upset.
CLANK. CLANK. METAL ON METAL. GRUNTS of effort, then, DR.
MASON'S VOICE, plaintive, frightened.
DR. MASON'S VOICE (o.s.)
What are you doing to me? Where are
we? Jeffrey, please...
SANDY'S VOICE (o.s.)
For God's sake, put the tape back on
his mouth!
The GORILLA bellows angrily, beating his chest.
JEFFREY'S VOICE (o.s.)
Forget the tape. The monkey's louder than
he is. You gonna tape the monkey's mouth?
EXT. PANTHERS' PEN/ZOO - NIGHT
Under the full moon, PANTHERS pace back and forth, back and
forth, uttering ominous guttural SNARLS.
EXT. LION'S PEN/ZOO
The KING OF BEASTS gives a deep, fierce ROAR. From the darkness,
unseen ELEPHANTS TRUMPET their response.
EXT. AVIARIES/ZOO
A PANDEMONIUM of WINGS RUSTLING, the sharp metallic CLINKING of
metal on metal, the MUTTER of HUMAN VOICES, then a cacophonous
CRESCENDO of frenzied SCREECHING as PARROTS, COCKATOOS and other
EXOTIC BIRDS careen madly in their cages.
INT. MOVIE THEATER AUDITORIUM
CLOSE ON COLE, dozing fitfully, as the SOUNDS of SCREAMING BIRDS
continue. Suddenly, he comes awake with a start...sees the movie
filling his field of vision.
HIS POV: the MOVIE SCREEN. TIPPI HEDRIN, overwhelmed by
screeching BIRDS in an attic in Hitchcock's THE BIRDS.
ANGLE ON COLE, orienting himself, looking around. Empty seats on
both sides of him. He's alone. He panics.
COLE
Kathryn?!
INT. THEATER LOBBY
A lobby poster boasts "Classics 24 Hours A Day" and "Hitchcock
Festival". PANNING OFF the poster, passing a SNORING USHER, dead
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
to the world in an old velvet chair, WE DISCOVER a BRUNETTE in a
tight dress, just hanging up the lobby pay phone. Turning, she
reveals heavy make-up, gaudy costume jewelry, and sun glasses.
She's the BRUNETTE in COLE'S DREAM! Crossing the lobby toward
the auditorium, it's a pleasure to watch her nice body undulate
in the tight dress.
Just then, the auditorium doors burst open and a BLONDE MAN in a
Hawaiian shirt appears, the man from COLE'S DREAM, except this
man's moustache is fixed firmly on his upper lip. The BLONDE MAN
stops, stunned at the sight of the BRUNETTE.
BRUNETTE
We're booked on a 9:30 flight to Key West.
The Brunette is RAILLY, no longer the frazzled professional,
revealed now by her disguise as a sexy babe. The Blonde Man is
COLE! He's confused.
COLE
You were in my dream just now. I
didn't recognize you.
RAILLY
Well, you look pretty different, too.
COLE
I mean in my dream -- I didn't realize
it was you. Then...I woke up and I...I
thought you were gone.
RAILLY
(studies him seriously)
I remember you...like this. I feel
I've known you before. I feel I've
always known you.
Their eyes lock. Suddenly, she backs up, gently maneuvering him
with her, past the sleeping USHER, to and through an unlocked,
unmarked door, then closing it behind them.
PolishTransition
No lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
A transition carries us between beats. It owes less structurally than a scene built to turn.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Broken
4/10expected
Nothing is driving it
No page-visible force — antagonist, deadline, need, threat, rule, condition — pushes the beats; the scene proceeds without anything making it happen.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Ask the AI
Development
not owed here
light
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
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Movement
Broken
4/10expected
The scene does not turn
No legible entry-state → exit-state change; the scene resets to where it began.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
5/10expected
Information arrives but forces no choice
The scene delivers information or understanding but no one is forced to decide or act on it.
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
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Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
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Assembly
Soft
5/10expected
The emphasis is misplaced
Page space and pacing emphasize the wrong beats — the important turn is rushed/buried while minor business is lingered on.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
The trope arrives unaltered
The scene's main situation/image/beat-pattern is recognizable genre convention and the script adds no specific inversion, collision, POV, cost, world-rule, or tonal twist that changes how it plays.
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
6/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Thriller, Sci-Fi, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense, Emotional
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
7/10strong
Assessment
The concept of using the zoo as a backdrop for the Army of the Twelve Monkeys' plan is strong, and the dreamlike connection between Cole and Railly adds a unique layer. However, the scene's concept is somewhat derivative of the film's established themes, and the zoo sequence feels like a set-piece rather than a fresh idea.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances by showing the zoo break-in as part of the plan and by deepening Cole and Railly's relationship, but the scene is more of a character moment than a plot driver. The zoo sequence is a distraction from the main plot, and the theater scene is a pause in the action.
Originality
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of the zoo as a setting for the plan and the dreamlike connection between Cole and Railly. However, the themes of time travel and mental illness are familiar, and the scene relies on established tropes.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole and Railly are well-drawn, with Cole's disorientation and Railly's transformation into a 'sexy babe' showing their adaptability. However, the zoo characters (Jeffrey, Dr. Mason, Sandy) are only briefly glimpsed, and their motivations are unclear, making them feel like caricatures.
Character changes
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole changes from a panicked, disoriented state to a calmer, more connected one after finding Railly. Railly also changes, from a professional to a more vulnerable, romantic figure, but the change is subtle.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find stability and connection, fearing he is losing his grip on reality and that Railly will disappear. He desires to hold onto the present moment and the person he loves.
External goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to escape the authorities and stay with Railly, while also understanding the events unfolding around them.
Conflict
6/10functional
Assessment
The conflict is primarily external (the zoo break-in) and internal (Cole's disorientation and fear of losing Railly). The zoo sequence provides a clear threat, but the theater scene is low-conflict, focusing on emotional connection.
Opposition
6/10functional
Assessment
The opposition is primarily external (the authorities, the zoo break-in) and internal (Cole's mental instability). The zoo sequence provides a clear antagonist force, but the theater scene lacks direct opposition.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high in the zoo sequence (the plan is in motion, and the characters are in danger), but the theater scene lowers the stakes to focus on personal connection. The overall stakes are moderate.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by showing the zoo break-in as part of the plan and by solidifying Cole and Railly's partnership. However, the scene is more of a breather than a major plot advancement.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable because the zoo sequence is a sudden shift from the previous scene, and the theater scene subverts expectations by having Railly in disguise and Cole disoriented. The dreamlike quality adds to the unpredictability.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
The emotional impact is strongest in the theater scene, where Cole's panic and relief at finding Railly, and their intimate conversation, create a touching moment. The zoo sequence is tense but less emotionally resonant.
Dialogue
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is sparse but effective, especially the exchange between Cole and Railly about dreams and recognition. However, the zoo dialogue is mostly off-screen and lacks the wit or depth of the main characters' conversation.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is engaging because it juxtaposes the visceral chaos of the zoo with the intimate, dreamlike connection between Cole and Railly, creating a sense of unease and romance. The audience is drawn into Cole's disorientation and the mystery of the zoo break-in.
Pacing
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is effective, with the fast-paced zoo opening creating tension, followed by a slower, more contemplative theater scene. However, the transition is jarring, and the theater scene may feel too slow for some viewers.
Formatting
7/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is professional, with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of off-screen voices and sound effects is effective, but the transition from the zoo to the theater is not clearly marked, which could confuse the reader.
Structure
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene uses a classic two-part structure: a tense, action-oriented opening (zoo) followed by a quiet, character-driven resolution (theater). This contrast is effective but the transition is abrupt, and the zoo sequence feels like a cold open rather than an integrated part of the scene.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with Cole and Railly entering a private room, leaving the reader curious about their next move and the outcome of the zoo break-in. The unresolved tension and the intimate moment create a strong pull to continue.
Script Continuation Score: 7/10
The script has multiple open threads: the zoo break-in, the authorities' pursuit, and Cole's mental state. The scene adds a new layer of romance and connection, which may intrigue the reader but also slows the momentum of the thriller plot.
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38 · Passionate Interlude Amidst Urban Chaos
INT. STORAGE ROOM/MOVIE THEATER
RAILLY and COLE are in a dimly lit cluttered storage room. She
kisses him hungrily amid the brooms, plastic trash barrels, other
janitorial items. COLE responds to her passion as they move
deeper into the room, its walls covered with old movie posters.
Tearing at each other's clothes, they collapse on a rolled
theater curtain among stacks of ancient theater seats.
EXT. SUBURBS - DAWN
The red rim of the rising sun is just becoming visible beyond the
silhouetted roofs of an upper middle-class suburban neighborhood.
The early light is so vague that when a huge SIBERIAN TIGER pads
across a neatly-trimmed lawn, he's more a shadowy vision than
reality. Did we really see him at all?
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAWN
The rising sun flares behind the towering silhouette of an unfinished
building, deserted in the early morning light. High up, a MONKEY
his head around a girder.
Four stories below, other MONKEYS are climbing.
EXT. SHOPPING MALL - DAWN
Deserted in the first light of dawn, the stores face each other
across a broad promenade with blank staring windows.
Nothing happens. For a long moment. Then, an AFRICAN BULL
ELEPHANT appears, turning the corner, lumbering toward us along
the promenade, raising his trunk to TRUMPET triumphantly to the
other ELEPHANTS trotting into view behind him.
INT. TAXICAB/CITY STREETS - EARLY MORNING
A fiftyish WOMAN CABBIE with white hair and a Southern twang is
at the wheel of the cab.
WOMAN CABBlE
What time's your flight, friends?
In the back seat, COLE, in the blonde wig and moustache, looks to
his companion, the sexy babe in sun glasses and heavy make-up, RAILLY.
RAILLY
Nine thirty
WOMAN CABBIE
Might be tight.
RAILLY
(startled, checks her watch)
Tight? My watch says 7:30.
WOMAN CABBIE
On your normal mornin', okay, plenty a
time, but today, gotta take inta account
your Army-of-the-Twelve-Monkeys factor.
RAILLY
What? What did you say?
WOMAN CABBIE
Twelve Monkeys, honey. Guess you folks
didn't turn on your radio this morning.
COLE and RAILLY exchange a quick look.
WOMAN CABBIE
Bunch a weirdoes let all the animals outta
the zoo last night. Then they locked up
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
this big shot scientist in one of the cages.
Scientist's own kid was one a the ones did it!
RAILLY and COLE stare at the cabbie, stunned.
WOMAN CABBlE
Now they got animals all over the
place. Buncha zebras shut down the
thruway 'bout an hour ago and some
kinda thing called an "e-mu" it's got
traffic blocked for miles over on 22.
Flabbergasted, RAILLY'S eyes suddenly fill with hope.
RAILLY
That's what they were up to! Freeing
animals!
COLE
On the walls -- they meant the animals
when they said, "We did it."
WOMAN CABBIE
You can hear it on the radio all the
stations...
As the WOMAN CAEBIE switches on the RADIO, RA:LLY points and COLE
follows her look.
COLE'S POV: two CHEETAHS, sleek and magnificent against the
cityscape, streaking past the cab at ninety mph!
ANNOUNCER/RADIO (o.s.)
In the meantime, numerous animal rights
activists have joined the chorus
condemning what they're calling the
"loose canon" activities of Jeffrey
Mason and his Army of the Twelve
Monkeys.
RIGHTS ACTIVIST/RADIO (o.s.)
Can these fools seriously believe that
releasing a captive animal into an
urban environment is being compassionate
to the animal? It's mindlessly cruel,
almost as indefensible as holding the
animal in captivity in the first place.
RAILLY and COLE are watching FLAMINGOS cross the sky against a
backdrop of skyscrapers in silhouette.
RAILLY
Maybe it's going to be okay.
PolishDelivery
No lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Broken
4/10expected
Nothing is driving it
No page-visible force — antagonist, deadline, need, threat, rule, condition — pushes the beats; the scene proceeds without anything making it happen.
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
Ask the AI
Development
Broken
4/10expected
The scene repeats instead of building
Beats restate the same note; the reader’s experience does not change across the scene.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
5/10expected
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Soft
6/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
5/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
There’s avoidable waste on the page
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
5/10expected
The cuts lack connective tissue
The scene/sequence shifts location, time, POV, mode, or thread without making the causal/spatial/emotional/rhythmic relationship between adjacent chunks legible.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
6/10light
It’s a fresh take on this kind of scene
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
5/10expected
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
Ask the AI
Grip
Soft
6/10expected
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of freeing zoo animals as a subversive act is fresh and thematically resonant, tying back to the 'Army of the Twelve Monkeys' graffiti. The scene cleverly subverts expectations of a violent apocalypse, offering a hopeful twist.
Plot
7/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances by revealing the Army's actual plan (freeing animals) and providing a temporary resolution to Cole's apocalyptic fears. The scene also sets up the next phase of their escape, but the transition from romance to montage feels slightly disjointed.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of animal liberation as a plot twist, and the surreal imagery of animals in urban settings is fresh. The dialogue is authentic, though not particularly distinctive.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole and Railly's relationship deepens through physical intimacy and shared relief. Railly's hope is palpable, while Cole's wonder at the animals shows his growing connection to the present. However, the scene doesn't offer new dimensions to their personalities beyond this emotional beat.
Character changes
5/10functional
Assessment
Cole's perspective shifts from guilt and fear to a tentative hope, as he sees the animals as a sign that the future may not be as he feared. Railly's hope is renewed, but neither undergoes a fundamental change.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find peace and accept that he may not be responsible for humanity's destruction, seeking hope in the present.
External goal
6/10functional
Assessment
Cole and Railly's external goal is to escape the authorities and reach the airport to flee the city.
Conflict
4/10weak
Assessment
The conflict is largely internal (Cole's fear of the future) and external (the ongoing chase), but the scene's tension is low, focusing on relief and wonder. The threat of capture remains, but it's backgrounded.
Opposition
4/10weak
Assessment
The opposition is the police and the ongoing threat of capture, but it is not actively present in this scene, reducing the sense of danger.
Stakes
6/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are lowered from global annihilation to a city-wide animal rampage, but the personal stakes of Cole and Railly's survival remain high. The scene suggests the future may be avoidable, reducing the urgency.
Story forward
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by revealing the Army's true actions, altering the stakes from a viral apocalypse to a more contained (though still chaotic) event. It also sets up the next phase of their escape.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the audience expects a violent climax, but instead gets a surreal, almost whimsical animal liberation. The twist that the Army's plan was to free animals, not release a virus, is surprising.
Emotional impact
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The emotional impact is strong, with a sense of catharsis and hope after a tense build-up. The romantic moment and the surreal animal imagery create a poignant contrast, but the abrupt shift may dilute the emotional resonance.
Dialogue
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is functional, with the cabbie's exposition providing necessary information. The exchange between Cole and Railly is minimal but effective, though the scene relies more on visual storytelling than verbal wit.
Engagement
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it offers a visual spectacle of animals in urban settings, combined with a romantic payoff and a twist on the apocalyptic narrative. The viewer is drawn into the wonder and hope of the moment.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness because it alternates between intimate moments and rapid montage, creating a rhythm that mirrors the emotional rollercoaster. However, the montage may feel rushed.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format, with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of montage-style cuts is effective, though the transition from the storage room to the suburbs could be clearer.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic structure: a moment of intimacy, followed by a montage of surreal events, and a resolution with the cab ride. The structure is effective for a thriller, but the tonal shift may be abrupt.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7/10
The scene ends with a sense of hope and a question: will they make it to the airport? The animal chaos creates a new obstacle, making the reader want to see how they navigate it.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built momentum through Cole's time-travel mystery and his relationship with Railly. This scene provides a temporary resolution but also introduces new questions about the Army's true motives, keeping the reader engaged.
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39 · Echoes of the Past at the Airport Terminal
INT. TICKET COUNTER/AIRPORT TERMINAL - MORNING
CLOSY ON copies of the mug shot of COLE and a photo of RAILLY
while the airport P.A. SYSTEM DRONES in the b.g..
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
REVEAL a DETECTIVE, giving the flyers to the uniformed SUPERVISOR
at one end of the ticket counter.
DETECTIVE
Tell your people if they spot either
one of them, not to try and apprehend
then. They should notify us and...
ANGLE ON RAILLY AND COLE, thirty yards away, entering the terminal.
P.A. SYSTEM
-- Flight 531 for Chicago is now ready
for boarding at Gate Seventeen.
ANGLE ON COLE, reacting to the P.A., stopping, seeing the
bustling airport lobby.
COLE
I know this place! ... This is my dream.
RAILLY
Airports all look the same. Maybe
it's...
(turning, reacting)
James! Your moustache! It's slipping.
But COLE isn't listening. He's looking around, mesmerized.
COLE
It's not just my dream. I was actually
here! I remember now. My parents
brought me to meet my uncle. About a
week or two before...before...before
everybody started dying.
RAILLY glances around nervously.
RAILLY'S POV: two UNIFORMED POLICEMEN, strolling through the
lobby, their eyes scanning the faces of TRAVELERS.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, pulling a small tube from her purse.
RAILLY
They may be looking for us, James.
(placing the tube in his hand)
Use this. You can fix it in the Men's Room.
COLE
(confounded)
I was here...as a kid. I think you
were here, too. But you...looked just
like you look now.
RAILLY
(getting desperate)
James, if we're identified, they're
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
going to send us someplace...but not to
Key West!
COLE
(snaps out of it, hand to moustache)
Right! You're right. I have to fix this.
RAILLY
(indicating a sign)
I'll get the tickets and meet you... in
the Gift Shop.
COLE follows her look, nods, then heads for the Men's Room as
RAILLY, in sun glasses, gaudy outfit, high heels, starts clip
clopping toward the ticket counter, her ass attracting admiring
glances.
INT. TELEPHONES/LOBBY - DAY
BUSINESS TRAVELERS huddle over pay phones, talking earnestly, as
COLE walks past on his way to the Men's Room.
Seeing an unoccupied phone, COLE hesitates, considers it. Coming
to a decision, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out some change.
INT. TZCKET COUNTER/TERMINAL
CLOSE ON the flyer of COLE and RAILLY taped under the counter,
hidden from the customers, but in clear view of the TICKET AGENT
who has just finished serving a PORTLY GENTLEMAN. The GENTLEMAN
walks away.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, stepping up to the counter, smiling, looking
nothing like the Railly on the flyer.
RAILLY
Judy Simmons. I have reservations for
Key West.
INT. PAY PHONES/TERMINAL
COLE is speaking into the phone very low, very private, very intense.
COLE
Listen, I don't know whether you're
there or not. Maybe you just clean
carpets. If you do, you're lucky --
you're gonna live a long, happy life.
But if you other guys exist and you're
picking this up -- forget about the
Army of The Twelve Monkeys -- they
didn't do it. It was a mistake'
Someone else did it. The Army of The
Twelve Monkeys are just dumb kids
playing revolutionaries. It was
someone else!
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COLE looks around nervously, catches a BUSINESSMAN at the next
phone looking away quickly. COLE touches his loose moustache as
he averts his face and speaks into the phone in an urgent whisper.
COLE
I've done my job. I did what you wanted.
Good luck. I'm not coming back!
COLE hangs up the phone, looks around, catches a few stares.
Averting his face, he heads for the Men's Room.
INT. TICKET COUNTER - DAY
The TICKET AGENT is counting out a stack of bills.
TICKET AGENT
Don't see a lot of this... cash.
RAILLY
It's...a long story.
TICKET AGENT
(smiles, hands over the tickets)
They'll begin boarding in about twenty
minutes. Have a nice flight, Mrs. Simmons.
Turning to go, RAILLY fumbles the tickets while trying to put
them in her purse and they flutter to the floor. As she kneels
to retrieve them, WE SEE the long line of waiting TRAVELERS from
the waist down. WE SEE a familiar Chicago Bulls Sports Bag
resting on the floor beside sneakers and gaudy baggy pants.
we've seen this outfit before...in COLE'S dream...on MR. PONYTAIL!
INT. MEN'S ROOM/AIRPORT - DAY
The P.A. DRONES as CCLE, head down, lingers at a sink, washing
and rewashing his hands while another TRAVELER finishes drying
his hands, gives COLE a quizzical look, then leaves.
Quickly, COLE glances around, checks the seemingly empty Men's
Room, then takes the tube of adhesive from his pocket, puts some
goop under the loose edge of his moustache and presses it firmly
against his face as he leans close to the mirror.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Got yourself a prob, Bob?
COLE whirls, looks for the source of the VOICE. Nothing! Until
he spots shoes peeking from dropped trousers indicating an
occupied stall. It must be him!
COLE
Leave me alone! I made a report. I
didn't have to do that.
RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Point of fact -- you don't belong here.
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It's not permitted to let you stay.
A toilet FLUSHES in the "occupied" stall. COLE'S answer is loud
and defiant.
COLE
This is the present. This is not the past.
This is not the future. This is right now!
A PLUMP BUSINESSMAN emerges from the "occupied" stall, gives COLE
a wary look and a wide berth as he heads for a sink.
COLE
I'm staying here! You got that? You
can't stop me!
PLUMP MAN
(high pitched voice)
Anything you say, chief. It's none of
my business.
COLE looks dismayed. This guy couldn't be "THE VOICE"! And there
are no feet showing under the other stalls. Did he imagine it?
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
Soft
6/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Soft
6/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
The concept of a fugitive with time-travel delusions trying to escape through a mundane airport is strong, and the use of the airport as a site of both memory and danger is fresh. The raspy voice adds a psychological layer, but its sudden appearance without clear context slightly weakens the concept's execution.
Plot
6/10functional
Assessment
The plot advances the escape attempt and introduces a new obstacle (the voice), but the scene's main plot movement is minimal—it's more of a character/psychological beat. The phone call to the carpet cleaners is a nice callback, but the scene doesn't significantly shift the external plot.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of a mundane airport setting with time-travel delusions and a disembodied voice. The use of the airport as a memory trigger is fresh, and the phone call to the carpet cleaners is a unique callback.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's character is deepened through his memory of the airport and his defiance against the voice, showing his desperation to stay in the present. Railly is practical and supportive, but her character is less developed here. The raspy voice is an intriguing antagonist, but its identity remains vague.
Character changes
5/10functional
Assessment
Cole shows a slight change in his resolve—he's determined to stay in the present, but the voice shakes his confidence. Railly remains steady, but no significant change occurs.
Internal goal
7.5/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to prove he is sane and to stay in the present, driven by his fear of being pulled back to the future or losing his grip on reality.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to escape with Railly to Key West without being caught by the police.
Conflict
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is primarily internal (Cole vs. his own mind) and external (the police search), but the external conflict is backgrounded. The raspy voice provides a direct opposition, but its threat is unclear.
Opposition
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The opposition comes from the police, who are searching for Cole, and the raspy voice, which represents a psychological or sci-fi force. The police are a tangible threat, but the voice is more abstract and less defined.
Stakes
7/10strong
Assessment
The stakes are high—capture means imprisonment or worse—but the scene doesn't raise them significantly. The voice's threat is vague, and the police presence is background.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by advancing the escape and introducing the voice as a new threat, but it's more of a character moment than a plot turn. The phone call to the cleaners is a small step in the larger conspiracy.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the raspy voice appears without warning, and Cole's memory of the airport adds an unexpected layer. The phone call to the cleaners is a surprising twist, but the overall direction is somewhat predictable.
Emotional impact
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene evokes anxiety and a sense of impending doom, but the emotional impact is muted by the focus on plot mechanics. Cole's nostalgia for the airport is poignant, but the scene doesn't fully capitalize on it.
Dialogue
6.5/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is functional and reveals Cole's internal conflict, especially his outburst in the men's room. However, some lines feel expository, and the raspy voice's dialogue is cryptic without enough context to be fully engaging.
Engagement
7/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it combines the tension of a police search with Cole's psychological unraveling, and the airport setting adds a sense of urgency. The raspy voice creates intrigue, but the scene's pacing is uneven.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is tense and quick, with short scenes and rapid cuts between Cole and Railly, but the men's room sequence slows down, creating a moment of psychological intensity that may feel jarring.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard screenplay format with clear scene headings and action lines. The use of CAPS for character names and sounds is consistent, and the dialogue is properly formatted.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic chase structure with a ticking clock (boarding time), but it's interrupted by a psychological beat (the voice) that feels slightly out of place. The structure is effective but not seamless.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 7.5/10
The scene ends with Cole's confusion about the voice, leaving the reader wondering if he is truly losing his mind or if the voice is real. This creates suspense and a desire to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 7.5/10
The overall script has strong momentum with the escape, the conspiracy, and Cole's mental state. This scene adds to the tension and leaves the reader eager to see if Cole and Railly make it to Key West and what the voice means.
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40 · Airport Confrontation
INT. TICKET COUNTER - DAY
The Chicago Bulls bag! It's on the counter in front of the
TICKET AGENT who's reviewing a stack of tickets in awe...
TICKET AGENT
Woooo-eeee. San Francisco, New
Orleans, Rio de Janeiro, Rome,
Kinshasa, Karachi, Bangkok, Peking!
That's some trip you're taking, sir,
All in one week!
MR. PONYTAIL (o.s.)
Business.
TICKET AGENT
(handing over the tickets)
Have a good one, sir.
INT. TERMINAL LOBBY
COLE emerges from the Men's Room, shaken, paranoid. He glances
around nervously. Then, keeping his head down, he starts walking
toward the Gift Shop. Before he gets more than a few steps,
someone suddenly grabs his shoulder from behind.
FAMILIAR VOICE (o.s.)
You gotta be crazy, man!
COLE whirls, finds himself facing a Puerto Rican youth in an L.A.
Raiders jacket, a sideways baseball cap, and mirrored sun glasses
JOSE
Pulling out the tooth, man, that was
nuts! Here, take this.
JOSE tries to slip COLE a 9mm pistol. Astonished, COLE resists!
COLE
What? What for? Are you crazy?
Frustrated, JOSE conceals the gun but keeps a grip on COLE'S arm.
JOSE
Me? Are you kiddin? You're the one!
You were a hero, man. They gave you a
pardon! And whadda you do? You come
back and fuck with your teeth! Wow!
COLE
How did you find me?
JOSE
The phone call, man. The phone call.
COLE
The call I just made? Five minutes ago?
JOSE
Hey, five minutes ago, thirty years ago!
Yes, that phone call. I been in training
for this a couple a months now -- ever
since I got back from that... "weird"
war we were in. You remember that?
(pressing the pistol on Cole)
Here, take it, man! You could still be
a hero if you'd cooperate!
INT. GIFT SHOP/TERMINAL - DAY
RAILLY takes a travel book on Key West from a rack, considers it,
includes it with several magazines she's holding. She doesn't
notice MR. PONYTAZL enter the Gift Shop behind her!
The P.A. System DRONES flight info as RAILLY checks her watch and
frowns. It's getting late and where's Cole? She turns, heads
for the cash register to make her purchases.
MR. PONYTAIL, seen from behind, is at the cash register already.
He sets a newspaper on the counter and searches for change.
The paper features a banner headline..."ANIMALS SET FREE" and a
sub head..."PROMINENT SCIENTIST FOUND LOCKED IN GORILLA CAGE"
over a photo of DR. MASON being released from the cage and
another photo of a GORILLA perched atop a parked car.
Stepping in line behind MR. PONYTAIL, RAILLY checks her watch
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
again. Then, MR. PONYTAIL, having paid, turns to go and RAILLY
looks up and sees his face. though it is not visible to us.
Startled, RAILLY frowns. Does she know this man?
MR. PONYTAIL pauses for a moment, considering the babe in the
shades, gaudy earrings, the tight skirt, and high heels.
RAILLY doesn't recognize the man, but we do! He's DR. MASON'S
ASSISTANT, DR. PETERS...the man who attended RAILLY's lecture!
Smiling, DR. PETERS steps around RAILLY and exits the Gift Shop.
Still puzzled, RAILLY puts her purchases on the counter and the
CLERK starts ringing them up as a DELIVERY MAN comes in and drops
a bundle of newspapers at her feet.
RAILLY'S POV: the front page shows a photo of three frightened
GIRAFFES in freeway gridlock under a headline proclaiming, "TERRORISTS
CREATE CHAOS". Further down are two more photos...DR. MASON in the
gorilla cage and a file photo of DR. MASON in his lab.
CLOSE ON THE SHOT OF DR. MASON in his lab. There's someone else
in the picture. It's a man wearing a lab coat and a PONYTAIL!
ANGLE ON RAILLY, reacting, suddenly remembering!
MEMORY FLASHBACK! INT. RECEPTION ROOM/BREITROSE HALL - NIGHT
RAILLY looks up from the book she's signing and sees DR. PETERS.
DR. PETERS
Isn't it obvious that "Chicken Little"
represents the sane vision and that
Homo Sapiens' motto, "Let's go shopping!"
is the cry of the true lunatic?
INT. GIFT SHOP - DAY
RAILLY, stunned, stares in the direction PETERS/PONYTAIL went.
RAILLY
Oh, my God!
P.A SYSTEM
-- flight 764 for San Francisco is now
ready for boarding at Gate 36.
INT. LOBBY - DAY
In the confusion of TRAVELERS streaming in different directions,
COLE hurries toward the Gift Shop while JOSE struggles to keep up.
JOSE
Coma on, Cole, don't be an asshole.
(then, blurting it out)
Look, I got orders, man! You know what
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I'm sposed to do if you don't go along?
I'm sposed to shoot the lady! You got
that? They said, "If Cole don't obey
this time, Garcia, you gotta shoot his
girlfriend!"
COLE stops in his tracks, blown away, too stunned to speak.
JOSE
I got no choice, man. These are my
orders. Just take it, okay?
COLE accepts the gun this time, resigned now. They've got him.
COLE
This part isn't about the virus, is it?
JOSE
Hey, man...
COLE
It's about obeying, about doing what
you're told.
JOSE
They gave you a pardon, man. Whatdaya
want?
COLE
Who am I supposed to shoot?
Just then, RAILLY rushes up to COLE, not even noticing JOSE.
RAILLY
James! Thank God! I thought you'd
disappeared. Listen, I think I know
who it is! I saw him! It's Dr. Mason's
assistant. An apocalypse nut! The next
flight to San Francisco leaves from Gate 38.
If he's there, it has to be him.
JOSE, having heard this, steps back into the crowd as RAILLY
grabs COLE and pulls him toward the Security Check Points.
COLE
I love you, Kathryn. Remember that.
She doesn't hear him or see the look of doom in his eyes.
RAILLY
Maybe we can stop him. Maybe we can
actually do something.
PolishPursuit
No lens is broken, but Design, Execution and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
HoldingA real force keeps it pushing forward.
Contract
Broken
4/10core
Too many threads, none leads
Several candidate threads compete and none governs — the scene splits its focus rather than committing to one determinate spine.
It isn’t clearly about one thing yet
Ask the AI
Pressure
Solid
7/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
Ask the AI
Development
Soft
5/10expected
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
Ask the AI
Movement
Broken
4/10core
The scene does not turn
No legible entry-state → exit-state change; the scene resets to where it began.
It ends about where it started
Ask the AI
Consequence
Solid
7/10expected
What happens here obliges what comes next
Ask the AI
Economy
Soft
6/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
Every beat and line earns its place
Ask the AI
Assembly
Soft
5/10expected
The emphasis is misplaced
Page space and pacing emphasize the wrong beats — the important turn is rushed/buried while minor business is lingered on.
The parts sit side by side rather than building
Ask the AI
Clarity
Solid
7/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Soft
6/10expected
The feeling comes off the page
Ask the AI
Grip
Solid
7/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Paranoid, Intense, Emotional
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
8/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a time-traveler forced to obey orders that may doom humanity is compelling, and the scene adds a new layer by making Cole's compliance a test of obedience rather than a mission to save the world.
Plot
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances significantly: Railly identifies the villain, Jose delivers a threat, and Cole is handed a gun with a grim purpose. The twist that Cole's mission is about obedience rather than the virus is a strong narrative turn.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its blend of time-travel paradoxes with a thriller chase, and the idea that the future's orders are about obedience rather than saving the world is a fresh take on the genre.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal conflict is palpable as he accepts the gun with resignation, and Railly's determination to act contrasts with his doom-laden acceptance. Jose's brief appearance adds a new dynamic but feels slightly one-dimensional.
Character changes
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole changes from a hopeful fugitive to a resigned pawn, accepting the gun and his fate. Railly's determination to act contrasts with his passivity, highlighting their divergent paths.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to reconcile his love for Railly with his duty to the future, and to find a way to escape his predetermined role without losing himself.
External goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to stop the virus release by identifying and stopping the villain, but he is now forced to follow orders that may contradict that goal.
Conflict
8/10strong
Assessment
The conflict is both external (the chase, the threat to Railly) and internal (Cole's moral dilemma). The tension is high as Cole must decide whether to follow orders or defy them.
Opposition
8/10strong
Assessment
The opposition comes from multiple sources: the police, the scientists, and now Jose, who represents the future's authority. Cole is trapped between these forces.
Stakes
9/10exceptional
Assessment
The stakes are life-and-death: Railly's life is threatened, and the fate of humanity hangs in the balance as Cole is forced to comply with the future's orders.
Story forward
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by revealing the villain's identity, introducing a new threat to Railly, and setting up the final confrontation at the airport.
Unpredictability
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable because Jose's sudden appearance and the revelation that Cole's mission is about obedience rather than the virus are unexpected turns.
Emotional impact
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The emotional impact is strong, particularly in Cole's quiet 'I love you, Kathryn' and his look of doom. The scene evokes a sense of impending tragedy.
Dialogue
7/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is sharp and purposeful, especially Jose's blunt 'You gotta be crazy, man!' and Cole's resigned 'This part isn't about the virus, is it?' However, some lines feel expository, like Jose's explanation of his orders.
Engagement
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is engaging because it combines a ticking-clock chase with a moral dilemma, and the twist about Cole's mission adds a new layer of intrigue.
Pacing
8/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is brisk, with quick cuts between the ticket counter, the gift shop, and the lobby, maintaining tension. The dialogue is efficient, and the scene ends on a note of urgency.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is standard and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of CAPS for character names and sounds is consistent, and the dialogue is well-paragraphed.
Structure
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic thriller structure: setup (Jose's appearance), complication (the threat to Railly), and a turning point (Cole's acceptance of the gun). The pacing is tight, with a clear escalation.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 8/10
The scene ends with a clear cliffhanger: Cole has a gun and a target, and Railly has identified the villain. The reader is compelled to see what happens next.
Script Continuation Score: 8/10
The script has built strong momentum with multiple unresolved threads: the virus release, Cole's fate, and the nature of the future's control. This scene adds a new twist that keeps the reader invested.
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41 · Confrontation and Suspicions at Airport Security
INT. SECURITY CHECK POINT/TERMINAL - DAY
A young boy of nine passes through the magnetic arch grinning.
YOUNG COLE! Exactly as he appears in the dream!
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
He joins his PARENTS, who are only visible from their chests
down, and they continue along the concourse. WE LINGER and
DISCOVER two DETECTIVES watching TRAVELERS as they pass through
the magnetic arch and retrieve their bags from the X-ray machine,
comparing their faces to photos of COLE and RAILLY.
ANGLE ON A SECURITY OFFICER, watching the x-ray monitor.
ANGLE ON THE MONITOR, showing the X-RAY IMAGE of a sports bag moving
along the conveyer belt. The bag contains some strange objects.
ANGLE ON THE SECURITY OFFICER, reacting.
SECURITY OFFICER
Excuse me, sir. Would you mind letting me
have a look at the contents of your bag?
ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, coming through the magnetic arch, reacting.
DR. PETERS
Me? Oh, yes, of course. My samples.
I have the appropriate papers.
INT. END OF LINE/SECURITY CHECK POINT
RAILLY AND COLE arrive at the very long suddenly stalled line of
TRAVELERS waiting to pass through security.
RAILLY
Oh, God, we don't have time for this.
ANGLE ON THE SECURITY CHECK POINT, where DR. PETERS unpacks his
Bulls bag, pulls out six metal cylinders along with a change of
clothes and a Walkman.
DR. PETERS
Biological samples. I have the
paperwork right here.
DR. PETERS produces a sheaf of official papers while the SECURITY
OFFICER examines one of the tubes, turning it over in his hands.
SECURITY OFFICER
I'm going to have to ask you to open
this, sir.
DR. PETERS
Open it?
(blinks stupidly, then)
Of course.
DR. PETERS takes the metal cylinder and starts opening it.
There's a SOUND of VOICES RAISED behind them. DR. PETERS pays no
attention, but the SECURITY OFFICER turns toward the NOISE.
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SECURITY OFFICER'S POV: RAILLY, trying to explain something to a
SECOND SECURITY OFFICER.
ANGLE ON THE TWO DETECTIVES, nearby, showing interest in the
commotion.
ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, oblivious to the fuss, pulling a closed
glass tube out of the metal cylinder.
DR. PETERS
Here! You see? Biological! Check the
papers -- it's all proper. I have a
permit.
SECURITY OFFICER
It's empty!
Indeed, it looks like a sealed clear glass tube with nothing in it.
DR. PETERS
Well, yes, to be sure, it looks empty!
But I assure you, it's not.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, at the end of the line, arguing with the SECOND
SECURITY OFFICER.
RAILLY
Please listen to me -- this is very urgent!
SECOND SECURITY OFFICER
You'll have to get in line, ma'am.
TRAVELER
We're all in a hurry, lady. What's so
special about you?
ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, producing the glass tubes from the other
metal cylinders as the SECURITY OFFICER examines the papers.
DR. PETERS
You see! Also invisible to the naked eye.
A beat. OR. PETERS grins suddenly, opens one of the glass tubes,
and waves it under the SECURITY OFFICER'S nose!
DR. PETERS
It doesn't even have an odor.
The SECURITY OFFICER glances up, sees what DR. PETERS is doing,
and smiles as he hands the papers back to the scientist.
SECURITY OFFICER
That's not necessary, sir. Here you
go. Thanks for your cooperation. Have
a good flight.
Hastily, DR. PETERS snatches up all the tubes and cylinders and
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
shoves them back into his gym bag.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, raging as the SECOND SECURITY OFFICER jabs her
with his finger.
SECOND SECURITY OFFICER
Who are you calling a "moron"?
COLE
Get your hands off her!
The SECOND SECURITY OFFICER stiffens for trouble.
ANGLE ON THE DETECTIVES, watching the fuss, ready to get
involved. Suddenly, the FIRST DETECTIVE frowns.
FIRST DETECTIVE9S POV: COLE'S moustache is slipping. COLE
senses it, reaches up to touch it, catches the DETECTIVE'S look.
For half a second their eyes meet, then COLE looks away.
ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, hurrying away.
SECURITY OFFICER'S VOICE (o.s.}
HOLD IT! JUST A MOMENT.
DR. PETERS freezes, turns, ashen.
The SECURITY OFFICER is retrieving a pair of jockey shorts from
the floor beside the search table. He waves them at DR. PETERS.
DR. PETERS hurries back for his underpants.
ANGLE ON COLE, trying to keep his head turned away as he
confronts the SECURITY OFFICER.
COLE
I said, get your hands off her. She's
not a criminal. She's a doctor...a
psychiatrist.
RAILLY looks alarmed at that.
ANGLE ON THE DETECTIVES, coming this way. The FIRST DETECTIVE
has the photos in his hand.
ANGLE OW DR. PETERS, bagging his jockey shorts, then starting
hastily down the windowed concourse toward the gates.
ANGLE ON RAZZLY, suddenly spotting DR. PETERS!
RAILLY
THERE HE IS! HE'S CARRYING A DEADLY
VIRUS! STOP HIM!
ANGLE ON COLE, following RAILLY'S look, seeing MR. PONYTAIL, THE
MAN FROM HIS DREAM!
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, frightened, glancing back, walking faster.
RAILLY (o.s.)
PLEASE, SOMEBODY -- STOP HIM!
ANGLE ON DETECTIVES, reaching RAILLY and COLE.
FIRST DETECTIVE
(raising his badge)
Police Officers. Would you step over
here, please.
ANGLE ON COLE, spotting something behind the DETECTIVES!
COLE'S POV: SCARFACE, dressed like a "businessman"! He gives
COLE a cold look.
A beat. COLE lunges at the SECOND DETECTIVE, knocking him off
balance, then sprints toward the magnetic arch and through it.
The ALARM goes off!!!!
The FIRST SECURITY OFFICER tries to stop COLE, but COLE knocks
him aside like a rag doll.
ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, fifty yards up the concourse, glancing back.
ANGLE ON COLE, pulling his pistol.
ANGLE ON THE SECOND SECURITY OFFICER.
FIRST SECURITY OFFICER
HE'S GOT A GUN!
ANGLE ON THE FIRST DETECTIVE, raising his pistol at COLE.
FIRST DETECTIVE
STOP OR I'LL SHOOT!
ANGLE ON COLE, gun in hand, sprinting along the concourse toward
DR. PETERS as frightened TRAVELERS SCREAM and dive for cover.
ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, standing at a concourse window, watching a
plane land, flanked by his parents whose faces we don't see.
IT'S SUDDENLY AS IF THE DREAM IS HAPPENING IN REAL LIFE!!! THE
SAME MOKENTS INTERSPERSED WITH "NEW" MOMENTS FROM THE POV OF
YOUNG COLE who, hearing the commotion, turns just as DR. PETERS
hurries by. DR. PETERS bumps into YOUNG COLE and reacts by
pulling his Bulls bag close to his body and calling...
DR. PETERS
WATCH IT!
ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, wide eyed, watching...
YOUNG COLE'S POV: a BLONDE MAN. dashing up the concourse, his
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
moustache slipping over his lip, a pistol in his hand.
YOUNG COLE'S POV: the FIRST DETECTIVE aims, looking for a clear
shot in the crowded passageway.
YOUNG COLE'S POV: a BRUNETTE in flashy clothes, gaudy earrings,
high heels, and sun glasses SCREAMS...
BRUNETTE (RAILLY)
N0OOOOO0O!!!!!!
YOUNG COLE'S POV: the FIRST DETECTIVE, firing! CRACK!
YOUNG COLE'S POV: the BLONDE MAN, shuddering, staggering, falling.
ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, stunned, as his PARENTS try to shield him.
MOTHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
My God! They shot that man!
Mesmerized, YOUNG COLE watches the BRUNETTE rush to the BLONDE
MAN, kneel beside him, minister to his bloody wound.
YOUNG COLE'S POV: the BLONDE MAN, fatalistically reaching up
and tenderly touching the BRUNETTE'S cheek, touching her tears.
(WE'VE SEEN THIS EXACT IMAGE IN COLE'S DREAM, A POWERFUL MOMENT,
UNFOLDING UNNATURALLY SLOWLY, OPENING LIKE A FLOWER.)
ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, not able to hear their words, but he can see
emotion as the BLONDE MAN tries to tell the sobbing BRUNETTE
something.
YOUNG COLE'S POV: PARAMEDICS, breaking the spell, pushing the
BRUNETTE aside as they crouch beside the BLONDE MAN.
FATHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Come along, son, this is no place for us.
ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, as his FATHER'S ARM drapes over his shoulder,
steering him. YOUNG COLE turns to look back as he's led away.
YOUNG COLE'S POV: the PARAMEDICS, exchanging glances, shrugging
helplessly. It's too late. The BLONDE MAN is dead.
YOUNG COLE sees the BRUNETTE, her face streaked with tears,
suddenly turn and look around, scanning the crowd, searching for
something. POLICE OFFICERS approach her, say something to her.
Even as she responds, her eyes continue to scan the concourse.
ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, being hurried toward the lobby by his PARENTS
(whose faces remain out of view). He can't help sneaking another
look back.
YOUNG COLE'S POV: POLICE, handcuffing a distracted, unresisting
RAILLY. Even now, she continues to look around almost frantically.
Suddenly, her gaze falls on YOUNG COLE and she reacts...she's
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
found what she's looking for!
ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, reacting to the intensity of her look.
ANGLE ON RAILLY, her eyes speaking to the boy across the crowded
concourse.
ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, overwhelmed by the look.
FATHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Hurry up, son.
With a last lingering look toward the mysterious BRUNETTE, YOUNG
COLE turns away, tears welling in his eyes. WE MOVE IN...CLOSE...
CLOSE...CLOSER...on his eyes. WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE TEAR MEANS,
BUT THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE IS THINKING,
BUT WE KNOW VERY WELL WHAT HE WILL REMEMBER!
MOTHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Pretend it was just a bad dream, Jimmy.
KeepPursuit
All three lenses are solid — worth protecting as it stands.
HoldingThe exit pulls you into the next one.
Contract
Solid
7/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
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Pressure
Solid
8/10core
A real force keeps it pushing forward
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Development
Soft
6/10expected
The situation deepens as it goes
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Movement
Solid
7/10core
It turns — something is different by the end
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Consequence
Solid
8/10core
What happens here obliges what comes next
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Economy
Soft
6/10expected
The scene overstays
The scene reaches its function and keeps going, or carries beats/lines cuttable without losing what it's there to do — waste not explained by the mechanism.
Every beat and line earns its place
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Assembly
Solid
7/10expected
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
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Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
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Freshness
not owed here
5/10light
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
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Unpredictability
not owed here
6/10light
It defeats anticipation fairly
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
Solid
8/10core
The feeling comes off the page
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Grip
Solid
9/10core
The exit pulls you into the next one
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This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Thriller, Mystery, Drama Tone:
Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
8/10strong
Assessment
The concept of a time-traveler confronting his own past in a public, chaotic setting is strong, and the visual rhyme between the dream and reality is a clever narrative device. However, the scene relies on a convenient coincidence (Railly spotting Peters) that feels a bit forced.
Plot
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances significantly: Cole's pursuit of Peters, the shooting, and the revelation of the childhood memory that explains his obsession. The sequence is clear and propulsive, though the cause of the security delay (Peters' bag) is a bit random.
Originality
8/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of the memory intercut, which is a fresh take on the time-travel trope. The dialogue is authentic to the period and situation, though not particularly distinctive.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's character is deepened through the memory, showing his vulnerability and the origin of his trauma. Railly's desperation is palpable, but the scene focuses more on action than on new character dimensions for her.
Character changes
5/10functional
Assessment
Cole's character changes as he literally relives his formative memory, but the change is more of a revelation than a transformation. He doesn't alter his course; he confirms his destiny.
Internal goal
7/10strong
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to reconcile his fragmented identity and find peace, but his deeper need is to escape the loop of his trauma. He is driven by a fear of failing his mission and a desire to protect Railly.
External goal
8/10strong
Assessment
Cole's external goal is to stop Dr. Peters from releasing the virus, which he pursues by chasing him through the airport.
Conflict
9/10exceptional
Assessment
Conflict is high: Cole vs. security, Cole vs. detectives, Cole vs. his own past. The physical chase and the emotional collision with the memory create layered tension.
Opposition
8/10strong
Assessment
The opposition is strong: security officers, detectives, and the chaos of the crowd all impede Cole. The greatest opposition is his own past, which he cannot escape.
Stakes
9/10exceptional
Assessment
The stakes are life-and-death: Cole's mission to stop the virus, his own survival, and the fate of humanity. The scene makes these stakes visceral through the shooting.
Story forward
9/10exceptional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by having Cole confront Peters, get shot, and die (or appear to), while also revealing the backstory that explains his mission. It's a major plot point.
Unpredictability
8/10strong
Assessment
This scene is unpredictable because the intercutting with young Cole's memory is a surprising narrative choice, and the shooting of Cole is a shocking turn that defies expectations of a typical chase scene.
Emotional impact
8.5/10exceptional
Assessment
The emotional impact is strong, particularly in the final moments as young Cole watches the shooting and the tear in his eye. The tragedy of Cole's fate is underscored by the innocence of his younger self.
Dialogue
6/10functional
Assessment
Dialogue is minimal and functional, serving to escalate the conflict (e.g., Railly's outburst, Cole's defense). The most memorable line is Railly's scream, which is more action than dialogue. The lack of substantial dialogue is a weakness in a scene that could have used a moment of quiet between Cole and Railly.
Engagement
8.5/10exceptional
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it combines high-stakes action with a deeply personal revelation, keeping the reader invested in both the plot and the character's emotional journey.
Pacing
8/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is relentless, with quick cuts between the chase and the memory, creating a sense of urgency. The slow-motion moment of Cole touching Railly's cheek provides a brief, powerful respite.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
Formatting is professional and clear, with proper scene headings and action lines. The use of 'ANGLE ON' and 'POV' is consistent and aids visualization.
Structure
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene follows a classic chase structure with a twist: the intercutting with young Cole's memory creates a parallel narrative that enriches the action. The structure is effective for the thriller genre, though the transition from the security line to the chase is abrupt.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 9/10
This scene ends with a powerful cliffhanger: Cole is shot and appears to die, while young Cole is left with a haunting memory. The reader is compelled to see what happens next, especially how Railly will cope and whether Cole survives.
Script Continuation Score: 8.5/10
The script has built momentum through Cole's mission and his relationship with Railly. This scene raises the stakes to a climax, and the unresolved fate of Cole and the virus creates a strong pull to continue.
Expert Critiques
Expert Suggestions
View Analysis
View Script
42 · Airport Departures
INT. 747 CABIN - DAY
DR. PETERS closes the door to the overhead luggage rack
containing his Chicago Bulls bag and takes his seat. Next to
him, a FELLOW TRAVELER, unseen, says...
FELLOW TRAVELER'S VOICE (o.s.)
It's obscene, all the violence, all the
lunacy. Shootings even at airports now.
You might say...we're the next endangered
species...human beings!
CLOSE ON DR. PETERS, smiling affably, turning to his neighbor.
DR. PETERS
I think you're right. sir. I think
you've hit the nail on the head.
DR. PETERS' POV: the FELLOW TRAVELER, a silver haired gentleman
in a business suit, offering his hand congenially. DR. PETERS
doesn't know who this man is, but we do. It's the ASTROPHYSICIST!
ASTROPHYSICIST
Jones is my name. I'm in insurance.
EXT. PARKING LOT/AIRPORT
As YOUNG COLE'S PARENTS (seen only as sleeves and torsos) usher
YOUNG COLE into their station wagon, the boy hesitates, looks
back, watches a 747 climb into the sky.
FADE OUT:
8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
PolishOrientation
No lens is broken, but Design and Read are soft — this reads as a polish pass.
An orientation beat sets up the world. It isn’t expected to carry a big turn, so a lower Design read here is often the shape of the scene, not a fault.
HoldingThe reader can follow what matters.
Contract
Soft
6/10core
It commits to one clear thing and holds it
Ask the AI
Pressure
not owed here
4/10light
It leans on mood instead of something actually pushing it
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Development
not owed here
3/10light
Busy, but the thread doesn't move
The surface is full of events and motion, but the governing thread ends where it started — activity substitutes for evolution. Distinct from beats literally restating the same note.
It restates its note rather than deepening it
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Movement
not owed here
3/10light
No turn is attempted
The unit connects, displays, or frames — it never attempts to change a dramatic condition. Distinct from a turn that is attempted but does not land (unclear_turn). An interlude doing its intended job is a craft choice, not this flaw.
It ends about where it started
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
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Consequence
Soft
5/10expected
The result doesn’t oblige what comes next
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Economy
Solid
7/10core
Every beat and line earns its place
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Assembly
Soft
6/10core
The parts are ordered and seamed so they build
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Clarity
Solid
8/10core
The reader can follow what matters
Ask the AI
Freshness
not owed here
4/10light
The trope arrives unaltered
The scene's main situation/image/beat-pattern is recognizable genre convention and the script adds no specific inversion, collision, POV, cost, world-rule, or tonal twist that changes how it plays.
It plays close to the version we’ve seen before
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Unpredictability
not owed here
5/10light
The beats can be called before they land
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
Ask the AI
Charge
not owed here
4/10light
The feeling is stated, not evoked
The emotion is described on the page rather than produced through the beats.
The feeling is stated more than felt
This scene's role doesn't owe this, so a low reading here is neutral rather than a fault.
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Grip
Soft
6/10expected
The exit pulls you into the next one
Ask the AI
This scene has been scored but its written read hasn’t been generated yet — the notes above are derived from the scores.
Genres:
Sci-Fi, Thriller, Drama Tone:
Suspenseful, Mysterious, Intense, Emotional
Ratings
Pick a criterion on the left to see its read.
Concept
8/10strong
Assessment
The concept of ending on the villain's escape and the protagonist's death, with a subtle nod to the cyclical nature of time, is strong and thematically resonant.
Plot
7/10strong
Assessment
The plot advances the story by showing the antagonist's successful escape and the protagonist's demise, but it does so in a way that feels more like an epilogue than a climax.
Originality
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The scene is original in its use of dramatic irony and the cyclical nature of time, but it follows a familiar pattern of tragic endings.
Characters
7/10strong
Assessment
Dr. Peters is shown as affable and oblivious, while the astrophysicist is mysterious and foreboding. Young Cole's brief appearance is powerful but underdeveloped.
Character changes
2/10fail
Assessment
No character undergoes a significant change in this scene; it is more of a confirmation of their fates.
Internal goal
3/10weak
Out of step with your script — internal goal holds up in your other scenes.
Assessment
Cole's internal goal is to find peace and escape his fate, but in this scene, he is dead, so the goal is transferred to the audience's understanding of his tragedy.
External goal
2/10fail
Out of step with your script — external goal holds up in your other scenes.
Assessment
Cole's external goal was to stop the virus, but in this scene, he is dead, and the goal is unfulfilled.
Conflict
4/10weak
Assessment
The conflict is largely internal and thematic, as the audience understands the tragedy that young Cole will face, but there is no direct confrontation in the scene.
Opposition
2/10fail
Out of step with your script — opposition holds up in your other scenes.
Assessment
The opposition is not present in the scene; the main antagonist is escaping, and the protagonist is dead, so there is no direct opposition.
Stakes
5/10functional
Assessment
The stakes are high in terms of the overall narrative, but the scene itself has low immediate stakes as the main conflict is resolved.
Story forward
6/10functional
Assessment
The scene moves the story forward by showing the aftermath of the airport shooting and the villain's escape, but it feels more like a conclusion than a progression.
Unpredictability
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is unpredictable in that it shows the villain escaping and the protagonist dying, which subverts expectations of a typical hero's victory.
Emotional impact
7/10strong
Assessment
The emotional impact comes from the irony and the sense of inevitability, but it is undercut by the lack of direct connection to the main characters' emotional states.
Dialogue
7.5/10strong
Assessment
The dialogue is minimal but effective, with the astrophysicist's line about endangered species carrying thematic weight. Dr. Peters' response is appropriately banal.
Engagement
7.5/10strong
Assessment
This scene is engaging because it provides a satisfying, if tragic, conclusion to the narrative, and the final image of young Cole is haunting.
Pacing
7/10strong
Assessment
The pacing is slow and contemplative, allowing the irony of the situation to sink in, but it may feel too static for some viewers.
Formatting
8/10strong
Assessment
The formatting is clean and standard, with clear scene headings and action lines, though the use of 'CLOSE ON' and 'POV' is a bit dated.
Structure
7/10strong
Assessment
The scene is structured as a brief epilogue, showing the villain's escape and the protagonist's fate, with a final image that ties back to the beginning.
The #1 Rule of Screenwriting: Make your reader or audience compelled to keep reading.
“Grab ‘em by the throat and never let ‘em go.”
The scene level score is the impact on the reader or audience to continue reading.
The Script score is how compelled they are to keep reading based on the rest of the script so far.
Compelled to keep Reading Score: 3/10
This scene does not compel the reader to continue, as it serves as a conclusion, but it does leave a lingering sense of unease.
Script Continuation Score: 6/10
Given the whole script, the reader is pulled to continue to see how the themes are resolved, but this scene provides a definitive ending.
Expert Critiques
Expert Suggestions
Overall
Concept
Plot
Originality
Characters
Character Changes
Internal Goal
External Goal
Conflict Level
Opposition
High Stakes
Story Forward
Unpredictability
Philosophical Conflict
Emotional Impact
Dialogue
Engagement
Pacing
Formatting
Structure
Characters
Premise
Structure
Theme
Visual Impact
Emotional Impact
Conflict
Originality
Genre Analysis
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