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Scene 1 -  Cole's Journey
INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT TERMINAL - BAY

CLOSE ON A FACE. A nine year old boy, YOUNG COLE, his eyes wide
with wonder. watching something intently. We HEAR the sounds of
the P.A. SYSTEM droning Flight Information mingled with the
sounds of urgent SHOUTS, running FEET, EXCLAMATIONS.

YOUNG COLE'S POV: twenty yards away, a BLONDE MAN is sprawled on
the floor, blood oozing from his gaudy Hawaiian shirt.

A BRUNETTE in a tight dress, her face obscured from YOUNG COLE'S
view, rushes to the injured man, kneels beside him, ministering
to his wound.

ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, flanked by his PARENTS, their faces out of
view, as they steer him away.

FATHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Come on, Son --this is no place for us.

YOUNG COLE resists momentarily, mesmerized by the drama.

YOUNG COLE'S POV: intermittently visible through a confusion of
FIGURES rushing through the foreground, the BLONDE MAN reaching
up and touching the cheek of the kneeling BRUNETTE in a gesture
of enormous tenderness, a gesture of farewell, while the P.A.
SYSTEM continues its monotonous monotone...
P.A. SYSTEM
Flight 784 for San Francisco is now
ready for boarding at inmate number
66578, Greely.

INT. PRISON DORMITORY/FUTURE - ETERNAL NIGHT

PRISON P.A. SYSTEM
--number 5429, Garcia -- number 87645, Cole...

COLE, late thirties, dark hair, comes awake in a bunk cage, one
of many stacked four high along both sides of a long dim
corridor. He blinks in the near dark, shaken, disoriented.

Then, as he "recovers" from his very vivid dream, WE GET OUR
FIRST LOOK AT HIS ENVIRONMENT...A WINDOWLESS UNDERGROUND WORLD OF
ETERNAL NIGHT SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE...AN ALMOST COLORLESS
"REALITY" OF BLURRED EDGES AND ECHOEY SOUNDS, MUCH MORE
"DREAMLIKE" THAN HIS DREAM.

Flashlights glare. In the half-light, COLE sees spooky figures,
GUARDS, moving among the locked bunk/cages.

COLE turns and whispers to the occupant of the next cage, JOSE...

COLE
Ssssst! Jose, what's going on?

JOSE's face is almost lost in shadow. What there is of it is
youthful. He's just a scared Puerto Rican kid!

JOSE
"Volunteers" again.

JOSE immediately rolls over and feigns sleep as SCARFACE, a
menacing guard with a jagged scar running down his cheek, looms
close to COLE's cage and unlocks it.

SCARFACE
"Volunteer duty".

The PRISONERS in the other cages watch silently with narrowed eyes.

COLE
I didn't volunteer.

SCARFACE
You causing trouble again?

COLE
(controls his temper)
No trouble.

INT. EQUIPMENT ROOM - ETERNAL NIGHT

COLE's alone, struggling to get into what looks like a space suit
in a room where suits hang like ghosts with blank eyes.




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TITLES BEGIN SUPERED OVER THE SCENE

COLE has the torso of the suit on now and is trying to close it.

OFFSCREEN VOICE (o.s.)
All openings must be closed.

COLE looks for the source of the voice, a tiny grate in the wall.

OFFSCREEN VOICE (o.s.)
If the integrity of the suit is compromised
in any way, if the fabric is torn or a zipper
not closed, readmittance will be denied.

INT. SEALED CHAMBER - MINUTES LATER (ETERNAL NIGHT)

COLE, wearing the "space suit" and a helmet with a plastic visor,
steps into a tiny chamber, a kind of air lock. The heavy door
clangs shut behind him. He's alone. COLE'S breath comes quicker
now as he sucks oxygen from the air tanks on his back.

On the opposite wall is another door with a huge wheel lock.
COLE turns the heavy wheel, opens the door, steps through It

INT. ELEVATOR - SECONDS LATER (ETERNAL NIGHT)

COLE'S in an ascending elevator that groans and creaks. He looks
down at a crudely drawn map he holds in his gloved hand.

The map shows a series of tunnels and ladders.

INT. SEWER PIPE - MINUTES LATER (NIGHT)

COLE pans a flashlight, probing the filthy sewer he's wading through

RATS flee the blade of light, scurry across islands of rusting junk.

The flashlight beam settles on a ladder mounted in the wall.

Reaching the rusted ladder, COLE starts to climb awkwardly.

EXT. CITY STREET/FUTURE - MOMENTS LATER (NIGHT)

A SCRAPING NOISE as a heavy man-hole cover is pushed up and moved
aside. COLE'S helmeted head emerges from below.

COLE'S POV THROUGH HIS PLASTIC-VISORED HELMET: a city in
moonlight! A surreal image of abandoned buildings. No people
anywhere. The only sounds are the WIND and COLE'S BREATHING.

EXT. ANOTHER CITY STREET - MINUTES LATER (NIGHT)

COLE'S light reveals abandoned vine-covered automobiles.

Moving to the nearest car, COLE searches in the vines for
something. Finds it. An insect.




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COLE takes the bug in his gloved hand. As he clumsily inserts it
into a collection tube, something makes him turn.

There's something across the street in the dark. Something alive.

COLE points his flashlight and reveals...a BEAR! Startled by the
light, the animal blinks, then stands on its rear legs and ROARS.

ANGLE ON COLE, staring wide-eyed.

Then, the BEAR sinks down onto all fours and, trying to avoid the
flashlight, it pads quickly down the street.

INT. SUBTERRANEAN PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT

Using the flashlight to see, COLE reaches down to the cracked
floor and gets another specimen. DOGSHIT!

The only sound is COLE'S labored BREATHING.

Then, a different SOUND. GRRRR! A dog. More GRRRRS. More
dogs. Then, a YIP. Then, VICIOUS GROWLS. It's a DOGFIGHT!

EXT. STREET - NIGHT (FIRST LIGHT)

A giant OWL, perched on an overhead traffic light, raises its wings
and lifts off...rising higher and higher into the brightening sky.

Below, on the street, COLE trudges along, passing deserted
buildings, windows broken, rusted signs dangling.

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - NIGHT (FIRST LIGHT)

COLE'S light reveals a spider web just inside the store. A large
SPIDER tries to hide from the light.

COLE reaches carefully into the web and plucks the spider and
puts it into one of his specimen tubes.

Then, he shines his light all around the once elegant store. There's
nothing but aisle after aisle of moldering consumer goods.

EXT. DEPARTMENT STORE - DAWN

As COLE comes out of the store, the first rays of the sun hit the
building. COLE stops, squints into the light through his visor.

COLE'S POV: spray-painted on the wall a long time ago is a stenciled
logo of twelve monkeys holding hands in a circle. Over it is
written, "WE DID IT!"

COLE looks up.

COLE'S POV: high up on a building across the street, a LION
patrols a ledge, pauses, looks out majestically over his world.




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TTTLES END
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a post-apocalyptic world, Cole, an adult inmate, volunteers for a mission to collect specimens. He encounters dangerous animals, navigates a desolate environment, and confronts the emotional weight of his past. The scene ends with Cole gazing at a lion patrolling a building, hinting at the challenges and mysteries that lie ahead.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Engaging plot development
  • Mysterious setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited depth in dialogue
  • Some cliched elements in the setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and suspenseful tone, introduces intriguing elements of the story, and engages the audience with its unique setting and plot development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a future underground world, a prison escape mission, and encounters with animals in an abandoned city is innovative and captivating. The scene effectively establishes the world and the stakes of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot unfolds with tension and intrigue, introducing the main character's mission and the challenges he faces in the underground world. The scene sets up the central conflict and raises questions that drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on dystopian themes, blending elements of mystery, drama, and social commentary. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are introduced in a compelling way, with hints of their personalities and motivations. The main character, Cole, is shown to be resourceful and determined, setting up his journey in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Cole undergoes a significant change as he navigates the challenges of the underground world and confronts the unknown. His determination and resourcefulness are tested, leading to character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Young Cole's internal goal is to understand the dramatic scene unfolding before him and to process the emotions it evokes. This reflects his curiosity, empathy, and desire to make sense of the world around him.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to navigate the dangerous and oppressive environment of the prison dormitory and equipment room. He must comply with the guards' orders and complete his 'volunteer duty' despite his reluctance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from Cole's struggle to escape the prison to the dangers he faces in the abandoned city. The escalating conflicts drive the tension and suspense of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cole facing internal doubts, external threats, and conflicting motivations. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome, adding to the scene's tension and drama.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Cole as he embarks on a dangerous mission to escape the prison and navigate the unknown world above. The risks and challenges he faces add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the main character's mission, introducing key elements of the plot, and setting up future conflicts and challenges. It propels the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of its unexpected twists, dramatic reveals, and ambiguous character motivations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The scene presents a conflict between freedom and confinement, as Cole is trapped in a prison-like environment with limited agency and autonomy. This challenges his beliefs about justice, control, and individual rights.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and loneliness to curiosity and hopelessness. The character's predicament and the eerie atmosphere contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves the purpose of advancing the plot and revealing information about the characters. While it is functional, there is room for more depth and nuance in the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its compelling characters, atmospheric setting, and intriguing plot developments. The sense of mystery and tension keeps the audience invested in Cole's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a gradual build-up of tension, suspenseful moments, and a climactic reveal. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and narrative effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The visual and auditory elements are well integrated, enhancing the reader's immersion in the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of revelation. The pacing and rhythm enhance the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a vivid and engaging flashback of Young Cole witnessing a shooting at an airport, which sets up the character's traumatic past and adds depth to his present situation as an adult inmate.
  • The transition from the flashback to the present is well executed, showing the stark contrast between Young Cole's innocence and the bleak, colorless future he now inhabits.
  • The use of sensory details like sound, visuals, and atmosphere effectively creates a dystopian setting, immersing the audience in the underground world Cole now navigates.
  • The introduction of various obstacles and encounters, such as the bear, dogs, spider, and owl, adds tension and intrigue to the scene, showcasing the dangers and challenges Cole faces in this post-apocalyptic world.
  • The symbolic imagery of the twelve monkeys holding hands with the words 'WE DID IT!' spray-painted on a wall hints at a larger mystery or conspiracy, piquing the audience's curiosity and setting up future plot developments.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue from Cole to provide insight into his thoughts, emotions, and motivations as he navigates this desolate world.
  • Explore the theme of survival and resilience further by showcasing Cole's resourcefulness and adaptability in overcoming the obstacles he encounters.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the abandoned cityscape and decaying environment to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
  • Introduce subtle hints or clues about the larger narrative, such as the significance of the spider or the presence of other survivors in this world, to build intrigue and foreshadow future plot developments.
  • Consider incorporating moments of reflection or introspection from Cole to deepen his character development and provide a glimpse into his inner struggles and conflicts.



Scene 2 -  Cole's Interrogation and Decision
INT. FIRST UNDERGROUND DECONTAMINATION CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT

ROARING WATER, powerful torrents gushing from nozzles in the
wall, pummel the still-suited COLE.

INT. SECOND UNDERGROUND DECONTAMINATION CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT

Stark naked and shivering, COLE is being scrubbed with brushes on
long poles (like the ones used to wash cars) wielded by two HULKING
FIGURES in bulky decontamination suits, their personas lost in their
windowed masks. It's a grim scene in a grim cement room with damp,
dripping walls. From an unseen source comes an AMPLIFIED VOICE,

AMPLIFIED VOICE (o.s.)
Raise your arms above your head.

COLE lifts his arms and the FIGURES start scrubbing his armpits.

INT. TINY CHAMBER - SHORTLY (ETERNAL NIGHT)

Still naked, COLE is seated on a stool while a MASKED TECHNICIAN
in a less elaborate, less bulky decontamination outfit draws
blood from COLE'S arm with an old-fashioned hypodermic needle.

COLE glances toward a single, nearly opaque "window" of thick
plastic in the rusty iron wall. VAGUE FIGURES seem to lurk
behind the translucent aperture, studying him.

The TECHNICIAN slips the blood sample through a slot in the wall.

INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE/FUTURE WORLD - ETERNAL NIGHT

Ushered in by two guards, TINY and SCARFACE, COLE looks around.

COLE'S POV: wails hidden by old headlines, articles, maps, charts...
a blackboard covered with elaborate, sophisticated formulae...surfaces
heaped with cracked monitors, gerry-rigged computers held together
with
string, lasers lost in tangles of cable, ancient tube amplifiers, a
dilapidated cardboard reconstruction of a city, stacks of moldering
books and tattered computer printouts...and, seated at a long
conference
table, staring at COLE, six SCIENTISTS: an ASTROPHYSICIST, ENGINEER,
BOTANIST, MICROBIOLOGIST, ZOOLOGIST, and a GEOLOGIST. They represent
a "modern" science where brilliant new ideas interface with crude,
outdated, patched-together technologies.

TINY
James Cole. Cleared from quarantine.

MICROBIOLOGIST
Thank you. You two wait outside.

SCARFACE
He's got a history, Doctor. Violence.




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COLE'S eyes return to the walls.

Headlines: "CLOCK TICKING! NO CURE YET!"

SCARFACE
Anti-social six -- doing 25 to life.

ENGINEER
I don't think he's going to hurt us. You're
not going to hurt us, are you Mr. Cole?

COLE'S head turns quickly to the ENGINEER.

COLE
No, sir.

The GUARDS exchange a look, shrug, exit, closing the door.

MICROBIOLOGIST
Why don't you sit down, Mr. Cole.

COLE goes to the empty chair at the conference table, sits down.

ASTROPHYSICIST
We want you to tell us about last
night.

COLE
I went to the surface and I collected
specimens like I was told.

The SCIENTISTS don't say anything. They just study him carefully.

COLE
(worried)
I mashed the spider, didn't I?

MICROBIOLOGIST
We'll get to the spider later, Mr.
Cole. Right now, we want to know
everything that you saw.

INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE - AN HOUR LATER (ETERNAL NIGHT)

COLE, starting to look very tired now, stands at the blackboard
sketching a detailed map of exactly where he was last night.

ASTPOPHYSICIST
Where you collected sample #4, what
street was that?

COLE
Uh...

BOTANIST
It's important to observe everything.




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COLE
I think it was...I'm sure it was 2nd Street.

As the SCIENTISTS start to whisper animatedly among themselves,
COLE'S eyes drift across the newspaper clippings taped to the
wall. One headline screams, "VIRUS MUTATING!" Another features
a photo of an OLD MAN (DR. MASON, who we'll see again later on)
and the words, SCIENTIST SAYS, "IT'S TOO LATE FOR CURE".

ASTROPHYSICIST'S VOICE (o.s.)
Close your eyes, Cole.

Startled, COLE closes his eyes obediently.

BLACKNESS. Like COLE, WE SEE NOTHING. But we HEAR their VOICES.

ENGINEER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Tell us in detail what you've seen in
this room.

COLE'S VOICE (o.s.)
Uh, in this room? Uh...

MICROBIOLOGIST'S VOICE (o.s.)
How many of us are there?

COLE'S VOICE (o.s.)
Six...seven, if you count me.

ASTROPHYSICIST'S VOICE (o.s.)
Tell us about the pictures on the wall...

COLE'S VOICE (o.s.)
Uh, you mean the newspapers?

A MONTAGE OF OVERLAPPING VOICES (o.s.)
Tell us about the newspapers. Can you
hear my voice? What do I look like?
What does he look like, the man who
just spoke? How old were you when you
left the surface?

The VOICES blur into a cacophony and FADE INTO the droning P.A.
SYSTEM at the airport.

INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT - DAY

THE DREAM AGAIN! But at an earlier moment. YOUNG COLE, flanked
by his PARENTS, whose faces are out of view, is watching a PLANE
land through one of the big glass windows that lines the concourse
leading to the departure gates.

P.A. SYSTEM (o.s.)
Flight 784 now boarding at gate...

Suddenly, a SHOUT, followed by raised VOICES, interrupts the




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monotonous airport routine. As YOUNG COLE and his PARENTS turn
to see what's going on, a man we'll call MR. PONYTAIL, his face
averted, hurries past them, bumping YOUNG COLE with a Chicago
Hulls Sports Duffle Bag.

MR. PONYTAIL
WATCH IT!

YOUNG COLE sees little more than the gaudy pants, the duffle, and
the man's ponytail flopping as he rushes towards the gates.

Just then, a WOMAN'S VOICE cries out, "NOOOOOOOOO!"

YOUNG COLE turns back toward the Security Check Point just as
TRAVELERS scatter madly, some diving to the floor, others
running. A TERRIFIED TRAVELER, hitting the floor close by, looks
up at YOUNG COLE with panicky eyes, and asks....

TERRIFIED TRAVELER
Just exactly why did you volunteer?

INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE/FUTURE WORLD - (ETERNAL NIGHT)

COLE comes abruptly awake. Seated now, he's facing the SCIENTISTS.

ASTROPHYSICIST
Wake up, Cole.

COLE
Uh, I didn't hear the...

MICROBIOLOGIST
(tapping a pencil on the table)
I asked you, why did you volunteer?

COLE
Well, the guard woke me up. He told me
I volunteered.

The SCIENTISTS react, whispering urgently among themselves.

COLE starts to nod off again, then comes awake with a start as
the ENGINEER speaks to him.

ENGINEER
We appreciate you volunteering. You're
a very good observer, Cole.

COLE
Uh, thank you.

ENGINEER
You'll get a reduction in sentence.

COLE keeps his face impassive.

ASTROPHYSICIST




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To be determined by the proper authorities.

ENGINEER
You don't want to jeopardize that reduction,
do you, Cole? Have it taken away?

COLE
No, sir!

ASTROPHYSICIST
We have a very advanced program, something
very different, requires very skilled people.

MICROBIOLOGIST
An opportunity to reduce your sentence
considerably...

ZOOLOGIST
And possibly play an important role in
returning the human race to the surface
of the earth.

ENGINEER
We want tough minded people. Strong
mentally. We've had some...misfortunes
with "unstable" types.

ASTROPHYSICIST
For a man in your position...an opportunity.

BOTANIST
Not to volunteer could be a real mistake.

MICROBIOLOGIST
(tapping his pencil again)
Definitely a mistake!

COLE gives away nothing. He's in a box here. He has no choices.
He stares at the tapping pencil.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Dystopian"]

Summary Cole, a prisoner, is decontaminated and interrogated by scientists who seek information about his surface observations. Despite initial reluctance, Cole agrees to join a program that offers a sentence reduction in exchange for his participation.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing concept
  • Building suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited physical description

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets a grim and intense tone, introduces intriguing elements, and builds suspense for the upcoming mission. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the protagonist and the world he inhabits.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a post-apocalyptic world where a select group of individuals are tasked with a dangerous mission is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively establishes the setting, the stakes, and the role of the protagonist.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the protagonist undergoes the decontamination process and is introduced to the scientists who offer him a chance to reduce his sentence by participating in a mission. The scene sets up important plot points and raises questions about the protagonist's past.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the dystopian genre by focusing on the protagonist's internal struggles and the complex power dynamics at play. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially the protagonist Cole and the group of scientists, are intriguing and well-defined. Their interactions reveal their motivations and the dynamics at play in the world they inhabit.

Character Changes: 7

Cole undergoes a subtle change as he is presented with the opportunity to reduce his sentence and participate in the mission. His internal conflict and the decision he makes hint at potential character growth in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the interrogation by the scientists and guards without revealing too much about himself or his true intentions. This reflects his deeper need to protect himself and maintain control in a dangerous and uncertain situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to comply with the scientists' requests and potentially gain a reduction in his sentence by participating in their program. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the complex power dynamics and potential opportunities presented to him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Cole grapples with the decision to participate in the mission and the consequences of his past actions. The tension between the scientists and Cole adds to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing complex power dynamics and conflicting motivations from the scientists and guards. The audience is left uncertain about the protagonist's true intentions and the potential consequences of his choices.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene are evident through the dangerous mission, the potential for a reduction in sentence, and the implications of the protagonist's decision. The consequences of his choice are significant.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements, setting up the mission, and raising questions about the protagonist's past. It builds anticipation for the next steps in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the protagonist's ambiguous motivations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's agency and autonomy in a society that values control and compliance. The scientists offer him a choice that may seem like an opportunity, but it also comes with strings attached and potential consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety, suspense, and determination in the reader. The high stakes and the protagonist's internal struggle contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves to reveal important information about the world, the mission, and the characters. It effectively conveys the tension and mystery of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, complex power dynamics, and the protagonist's internal struggles. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets the tone with the decontamination process, creating a sense of isolation and vulnerability for Cole.
  • The use of different chambers and technicians adds to the atmosphere of a futuristic, post-apocalyptic world.
  • The dialogue between Cole and the scientists is engaging, but at times feels slightly repetitive with the emphasis on volunteering and reducing his sentence.
  • The transition from Cole's dream to the present is a bit abrupt and could be smoother to avoid confusion for the audience.
  • The scene provides important information about Cole's role in the mission and the potential consequences of his decisions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Try to vary the dialogue to avoid repetition and keep the audience engaged throughout the scene.
  • Work on the transition between Cole's dream and the present to make it clearer for the audience.
  • Explore ways to deepen the emotional impact of Cole's situation and his interactions with the scientists.
  • Consider adding more layers to the scene by introducing subtle hints or foreshadowing of future events to keep the audience intrigued.



Scene 3 -  Interruption and Examination
INT. ART GALLERY - NIGHT

A strikingly "real" world of bright colors. Extravagant paintings
adorn the walls. A POET, tiny and ruddy faced, squints over his
glasses as he reads in a booming voice to an AUDIENCE of thirty
seated on folding chairs.

POET
Still among the myriad microwaves, the
infra-red messages, the gigabytes of ones
and zeroes, we find words, infinitesimally
small, byte-sized now, tinier even than
science lurking in some vague electricity
where, if we listen we can hear the solitary
voice of that poet telling us,
"We are no other than a moving row
Of Magic shadow-shapes that come and go




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Round with the Sun-illumined Lantern hold
In Midnight by the Master of the show."

As the POET reads, we STUDY the audience, mostly YUPPIE CULTURE
JUNKIES or BOHEMIANS. Among them, a light-haired woman of twenty-
eight, soberly dressed, wearing glasses. She's KATHRYN RAILLY. And
it's her beeper that suddenly BEEPS. BEEP! BEEP!

POET'S VOICE (o.s.)
"The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it."

BEEP! BEEP! Scowling at the outrageous interruption, the POET
looks up from the text just as RAILLY, tumbling, shuts off the
beeper and rises, embarrassed. As she makes her way to an exit,
the glaring POET continues...

POET
"Yesterday This Day's Madness did prepare;
Tomorrow's Silence, Triumph or Despair:
Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why:
Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where."

INT. CORRIDOR/POLICE STATION - NIGHT

DETECTIVE FRANKI leads RAILLY past crowded holding cells.

FRANKI
-- so they get there and they ask the guy
real nice for some kind of i.d., and he gets
agitated, starts screaming about viruses.
Totally irrational, totally disoriented,
doesn't know where he is, what day it is,
alla that stuff. All they got was his
name. They figure he's stoned out of
his mind, it's some kinda psychotic
episode, so they're gonna bring him...

RAILLY
He's been tested for drugs?

FRANKI
Negative for drugs. But he took on
five cops like he was dusted to the
eyeballs. No drugs. You believe that?

FRANKI pauses, indicating a tiny observation window of thick meshed
glass in an otherwise solid door, and RAILLY looks through it.

RAILLY'S POV THROUGH THE WINDOW: a MAN, his back to her, in
strait-jacket and prison denims, examining the wall of the padded
cell with the distorted intensity of a "mental case".

RAILLY
You have him in restraints.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
FRANKI
Were you listening? We got two officers in
the hospital. Yeah, he's in restraints, plus
the medic gave him enough stellazine to kill
a horse. Look at him! Still on his feet.

RAILLY'S POV THROUGH THE WINDOW: the MAN in the cell turns, looks
right at her. In spite of the cuts and welts, it's clearly COLE.

RAILLY
That would explain the bruises, I
guess. The struggle.

FRANKI
You want to go in? Examine him?

RAILLY
Yes, please. You said he gave a name...

FRANKI
(unlocking the door)
James Cole. That's everything we got. None
of the James Coles on the computer match him.
No license, no prints, no warrants. Nothing.
You want me to go in with you?

RAILLY
(entering)
No, thank you.

FRANKI
I'll be right here...just in case.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Kathryn Railly's pager disrupts a poetry reading at an art gallery. Later, Detective Franki leads Railly to a holding cell where she observes Cole, a disoriented and agitated man in a straitjacket. Despite testing negative for drugs, Cole's erratic behavior prompts Railly to examine him.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Some exposition-heavy dialogue
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and intense atmosphere, drawing the audience in with its intriguing dialogue and character interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious man in a mental institution, exhibiting unusual behavior and sparking curiosity in the protagonist, is engaging and sets the stage for further exploration.

Plot: 7

The plot unfolds with the introduction of the mysterious man, James Cole, and the protagonist's interest in examining him, adding depth to the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its blending of art, science, and mystery, creating a unique and engaging atmosphere for the characters and the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly James Cole and Kathryn Railly, are intriguing and well-developed, with their interactions adding layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The introduction of James Cole and the protagonist's interest in examining him hint at potential character development and growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Kathryn Railly's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and professionalism despite the embarrassing interruption of her beeper during the poetry reading.

External Goal: 7.5

Kathryn Railly's external goal is to examine and assess the mysterious man in the padded cell at the police station.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters, particularly the tension surrounding James Cole's mysterious behavior, adds intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the characters, adding complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are established through the mysterious behavior of James Cole and the protagonist's interest in uncovering the truth behind his actions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key character and setting up a mysterious and intriguing plotline.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interruption at the poetry reading and the mysterious man in the padded cell, adding tension and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the contrast between art and science, as represented by the poetry reading and the mysterious man in the padded cell.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and concern in the audience, drawing them into the mystery surrounding James Cole.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and serves to build tension and mystery, driving the scene forward with its intriguing exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, poetry, and intellectual dialogue, keeping the audience intrigued and invested in the characters' actions.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-paced dialogue and action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8.5

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between the art gallery and the police station.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a vivid description of an art gallery setting, which sets the stage effectively and immerses the reader in the environment.
  • The interruption of the poet's reading by Railly's beeper adds an element of disruption and tension to the scene, creating a sense of urgency.
  • The dialogue between Detective Franki and Railly in the police station provides important exposition about the situation with the man in the cell, but it could be more concise to maintain the pacing of the scene.
  • The interaction between Railly and Franki is informative, but the dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance the tension and intrigue of the scene.
  • The introduction of Cole in the padded cell is a strong visual moment that effectively conveys his disoriented state and sets up the potential for a compelling interaction between him and Railly.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue between Franki and Railly to maintain a sense of urgency and intrigue in the scene.
  • Explore ways to make the interaction between Railly and Cole in the cell more dynamic and engaging, perhaps by adding subtext or conflict to their conversation.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of Cole's appearance and behavior in the cell to further convey his disorientation and agitated state.
  • Consider adding more subtext or underlying tension to the scene to deepen the character dynamics and create a more engaging interaction between Railly and Cole.
  • Look for opportunities to reveal more about Cole's character and backstory through his interactions with Railly in the cell, adding depth and complexity to their relationship.



Scene 4 -  Confronting the Past
INT. ISOLATION CELL

COLE stares at RAILLY. The environment is intensely real...vivid
colors...each sound, however slight, very distinct, almost loud...
and yet she appears to him almost like a vision.

RAILLY
Mr. Cole? My name is Doctor Railly.
I'm a psychiatrist. I work for the
County -- I don't work for the police.
My only concern is your well being --
do you understand that?

COLE
I need to go now.

RAILLY
I'm going to be completely honest. I'm
not going to lie to you. I can't make
the police let you go...but I do want
to help you. And I want you to trust
me. Can you do that, James? May I
call you "James"?




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE
"James"! Nobody ever calls me that.

RAILLY
(frowns, studies him)
Have you been a patient at County?
Have I seen you someplace?

COLE
No, not possible. Listen, I have to
get out of here. I'm supposed to be
getting information.

RAILLY
What kind of information?

COLE
It won't help you. You can't do anything
about it. You can't change anything.

RAILLY
Change what?

COLE
I need to go.

RAILLY
Do you know why you're here, James.

COLE
Because I'm a good observer. Because I
have a tough mind.

RAILLY
I see. You don't remember assaulting a
police officer...several officers?

COLE
They wanted identification. I don't have
any identification. I wasn't trying to
hurt them.

RAILLY
You don't have a driver's license,
James? Or a Social Security card?

COLE
No.

RAILLY
Why not? Most people have some ID.

COLE
You wouldn't understand.

RAILLY




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
You've been in an institution, haven't
you, James? A hospital?

COLE
I have to go.

RAILLY
A jail? Prison?

COLE
Underground.

RAILLY
Hiding?

COLE
I love this air. This is wonderful air.

RAILLY
What's wonderful about the air, James?

COLE
It's so clean. No germs.

RAILLY
You're afraid of germs?

COLE
I have to go.

RAILLY
Why do you think there aren't any germs
in the air, James?

COLE
This is April, right?

RAILLY
July.

COLE
(sudden panic)
July?!

RAILLY
Do you know what year it is?

COLE
What year is it?

RAILLY
What year do you think it is?

COLE
1995?

RAILLY




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
You think it's July of 1995? That's
the future, James. Do you think you're
living in the future?

COLE
(slightly confused)
No, 1995 is the past.

RAILLY
1995 is the future, James. This is 1989.

COLE looks stunned.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary Dr. Railly approaches Cole in an isolation cell, claiming to be a psychiatrist seeking to assist him. Cole initially distrusts her. Railly establishes rapport by addressing him as "James." She probes his lack of identification and odd behavior. Cole exhibits germophobia and claims to have been hiding underground. When Railly informs him it's 1989, Cole panics, revealing his belief it was 1995. Railly's efforts are met with resistance due to Cole's evasiveness, creating a tense and unsettling atmosphere. Cole's confusion about the year raises concerns about his mental state.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Slightly confusing timeline references

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the enigmatic nature of James Cole and sets up intriguing questions about his past and mental state. The interaction between Railly and Cole is engaging and keeps the audience curious about the unfolding mystery.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a man who believes he is living in the future but is actually in the past is a compelling and thought-provoking idea that adds depth to the story. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets up further exploration.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene revolves around the mystery of James Cole's identity and his perception of time. It sets up important questions that drive the narrative forward and keep the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the time travel genre by focusing on the psychological and emotional consequences of time displacement. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative, making it stand out from traditional sci-fi narratives.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of James Cole and Kathryn Railly are well-developed in this scene, with Cole's confusion and Railly's curiosity adding layers to their dynamic. Their interaction drives the scene and keeps the audience invested in their story.

Character Changes: 7

James Cole undergoes a significant change in this scene as he confronts the reality of his situation and begins to question his beliefs. His character arc is set up for further development as he grapples with his identity and perception of time.

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal in this scene is to escape from the isolation cell and obtain information. This reflects his deeper desire for freedom and control over his circumstances, as well as his fear of being trapped and powerless.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to convince Dr. Railly to help him escape and trust him. This reflects the immediate challenge of gaining someone's assistance and building a relationship of trust in a high-stakes situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as James Cole struggles to reconcile his beliefs with the reality presented to him by Kathryn Railly. The tension between perception and truth drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Dr. Railly challenging Cole's beliefs and perceptions, creating a sense of conflict and tension. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their interactions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in this scene are moderate, as James Cole's identity and mental state are at risk. The audience is invested in uncovering the truth about his past and the reality of his situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the plot and character dynamics. It sets up important questions and conflicts that will drive the narrative forward in subsequent scenes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between Cole and Dr. Railly, as well as the revelation of Cole's confusion about the time period. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters' interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the concept of time and reality. Cole's belief that he is living in the future clashes with Dr. Railly's assertion that he is in the past, challenging his perception of the world and his own sanity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as James Cole's confusion and anxiety are palpable. The audience is drawn into his emotional state and invested in uncovering the truth about his identity.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in this scene is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and the plot. It effectively conveys the tension and mystery of the situation, keeping the audience intrigued.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue exchanges, psychological depth, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the characters' conflicting motivations and beliefs, creating a sense of intrigue and mystery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the characters' dialogue exchanges and psychological revelations. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear character cues, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and visual impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a psychological thriller, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear direction or purpose, leading to confusion for the audience. It jumps between different topics and dialogues without a cohesive thread.
  • The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth. There is a lack of emotional connection between the characters, making it difficult for the audience to engage with the scene.
  • The character motivations are unclear, especially Cole's sudden panic and confusion about the year. This abrupt shift in behavior needs more context and development to be believable.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and sensory details that could enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the setting.
  • There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, making it feel flat and uneventful. Adding more conflict or stakes could help drive the scene forward.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each dialogue exchange serves a specific goal in advancing the plot or developing the characters.
  • Work on creating more natural and engaging dialogue that reveals the characters' personalities, motivations, and emotions.
  • Provide more context for Cole's behavior and reactions to make them more believable and relatable to the audience.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions and sensory details to create a more immersive and vivid setting for the scene.
  • Introduce more conflict or tension to drive the scene forward and keep the audience engaged. This could involve adding obstacles or challenges for the characters to overcome.



Scene 5 -  Arrival at the Mental Institution
INT. POLICE STATION CORRIDOR - MORNING

COLE, bound tightly by the strait-jacket, heavy manacles on his
ankles, is being escorted down the corridor by two surly POLICEMEN.

COLE
Where are you taking me?

POLICEMAN #1
South of France, buddy. Fancy hotel.
You're gonna love it.

COLE
South of France?! I don't want to go
to the South of France. I want to make
a telephone call.

POLICEMAN #2 smirks as he unlocks a heavy steel door.

POLICEMAN #2
Zip it, scumbag -- you fooled the shrink
with your act, but you don't fool us.

Then, POLICEMAN #2 swings the steel door open and sunlight
overwhelms COLE, blinding him in a dazzling fury of white light.

EXT. CITY STREET/MINI-VAN - DAY

A Mini-van, the kind of vehicle used to transport a half dozen
prisoners, crawls through a busy street. The Police Department
logo is prominent on the side of the van beneath barred windows.

INT. COUNTY HOSPITAL/SHOWERS - AN HOUR LATER (MORNING)

Fierce spray recalls the decontamination in the future. COLE
stands stark naked under the shower while two muscular attendants,
PALMER and BILLINGS, supervise.

As PALMER shuts off the water, BILLINGS hands COLE a towel and
starts inspecting his scalp...

BILLINGS
Lemme see your head, Jimbo, see if you
got any creepy crawlies.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
COLE
I need to make a telephone call.

BILLINGS
(pulling Cole's head)
Gotta work that out with a doctor, Jimbo.
Can't make no calls 'til the doctor says.

COLE
It's very important.

BILLINGS
What chew gotta do, Jimbo, is take it
easy, relax into things. We all gonna
get along fine if you just relax.

COLE gets the hint of menace in the message and submits to the
lice inspection, only his eyes revealing his frustration.

INT. HOSPITAL/DAYROOM - HALF AN HOUR LATER (DAY)

COLE stands in the doorway, stunned by his first sight of the
large room. His eyes go to the heavily-grilled windows where
light pours in from outside. Then, to the TV, where a CARTOON
COMMERCIAL makes raucous noises.

PATIENTS, in K-Mart street clothes or ratty robes, stare gloomily
at the TV, or play cards, pace, or just stare blankly.

BILLINGS is at COLE'S side, beckoning to a patient, JEFFREY MASON,
a twenty year old white youth dressed in khakis and a plaid shirt.

BILLINGS
Jeffrey. Yo! Jeffrey. This here is James.
Whyncha show James around? Tell him the TV
rules, show him the games an' stuff, okay?

JEFFREY
(with a sly look)
How much you gonna pay me? Huh? I'd
be doing your job.

BILLINGS
Five thousand dollars, my man. That
enough? I'll wire it to your account
as usual, okay?

JEFFREY
Okay, Billings. Five thousand. That's
enough. Five thousand dollars. I'll
give him the Deluxe Mental Hospital Tour.

As BILLINGS walks away chuckling, JEFFREY turns to COLE.

JEFFREY
Kid around, kid around. It makes them feel




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
good, we're all pals. We're prisoners, they're
the guards, but it's all in good fun, you see?

COLE nods and JEFFREY indicates card tables where PATIENTS are
playing cards, checkers, chess, or working on jig saw puzzles.

JEFFREY
Here's the games. Games vegitize you.
If you play the games, you're
voluntarily taking a tranquilizer.

COLE sees a partially completed puzzle of the well-known painting,
THE PEACEABLE KINGDOM, depicting a serene world of animals in harmony.

JEFFREY
What'd they give you? Thorazine? How
much? Learn your drugs -- know your doses.

COLE
I need to make a telephone call.

JEFFREY
A telephone call? That's communication
with the outside world! Doctor's
discretion. Hey, if alla these nuts
could just make phone calls, it could
spread. Insanity oozing through telephone
cables, oozing into the ears of all those
poor sane people, infecting them! Whackos
everywhere! A plague of madness.
(suddenly sly and confidential)
In fact, very few of us here are actually
mentally ill. I'm not saying you're
not mentally ill, for all I know you're
crazy as a loon. But that's not why
you're here. Why you're here is because
of the system, because of the economy.
(indicating the TV)
There's the TV. It's all right there.
Commercials. We are not productive
anymore, they don't need us to make
things anymore, it's all automated. What
are we for then? We're consumers. Okay,
buy a lot of stuff, you're a good citizen.
But if you don't buy a lot of stuff, you
know what? You're mentally ill! That's
a fact! If you don't buy things...toilet
paper, new cars, computerized blenders,
electrically operated sexual devices...
(getting hysterical)
SCREWDRIVERS WITH MINIATURE BUILT-IN
RADAR DEVICES, STEREO SYSTEMS WITH
BRAIN IMPLANTED HEADPHONES, VOICE-
ACTIVATED COMPUTERS, AND...

A woman orderly, TERRY, turns from the feeble PATIENT she's helping.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
TERRY
Take it easy, Jeffrey. Be calm.

Abruptly, JEFFREY stifles his hysteria, takes a deep breath and
continues, completely calm now. But COLE isn't listening. He's
mesmerized by the TV.

JEFFREY
So if you want to watch a particular
program, say "All My Children" or
something, you go to the Charge Nurse
and tell her what day and time the show
you want to see is on. But you have to
tell her before the show is scheduled
to be on. There was this one guy who
was always requesting shows that had already
played. He couldn't quite grasp the
idea that the Charge Nurse couldn't
just make it be yesterday for him, turn
back time ha ha. What a fruitcake!!

This last thought actually penetrates COLE'S focus on the TV and
he turns to JEFFREY who's picking up speed again.

JEFFREY
Seriously, more and more people are
being defined now as mentally ill. Why?
Because they're not consuming on their
own. But as patients, they becone
consumers of mental health care. And
this gives the so-called sane people work!
(hysteria again)
WHOOO! SHOCK THERAPY! GROUP THERAPY!
HALLUCINATIONS! THERAPEUTIC DRUGS!
IGGIDY DIGGIDY DIG! PERFECT! THE
SYSTEM IN HARMONY LIKE A BIG MACHINE...

TERRY
Okay, that's it, Jeffrey, you're gonna
get a shot. I warned you...

JEFFREY
(calming himself, smiling)
Right! Right! Carried away, heh heh.
I got "carried away". Explaining the
workings of...the institution.

Just then, TJ WASHINGTON, a somber-looking African American in a
bathrobe, taps COLE on the shoulder.

TJ WASHINGTON
I don't really come from outer space.

JEFFREY
This is TJ Washington, Jim -- he
doesn't really come from outer space.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
TJ WASHINGTON
Don't mock me, my friend.
(to Cole)
It's a condition of "mental divergence".
I find myself on another planet, Ogo,
part of an intellectual elite, preparing
to subjugate barbarian hordes on Pluto.
But even though it's a totally convincing
reality in every way...I can feel, breathe,
hear...nevertheless, Ogo is actually a
construct of my psyche. I am mentally
divergent in that I am escaping certain
unnamed realities that plague my life
here. When I stop going there, I will
be well. Are you also divergent, friend?

The P.A. SYSTEM interrupts, startling COLE.

P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
James Cole. Report to Staff. James Cole!

JEFFREY
Staff! Whoo! Time for Staff. Now the
geniuses cure you. Hallelujah!
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary Cole, a man suspected of mental illness, endures degrading treatment during his transfer to an institution. Despite his pleas, the officers ignore his request to call someone. Upon arrival, he undergoes a humiliating lice inspection. In the dayroom, Jeffrey, a cynical patient, explains the oppressive nature of the system. TJ Washington, a patient with delusions of extraterrestrial origin, offers comfort and a glimpse into the complexities of mental health.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Exploration of themes
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Lack of visual description in certain parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone of the story, introduces key themes, and provides insight into the protagonist's mental state. The dialogue is engaging and the setting is intriguing.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of mental health care, consumerism, and time travel are effectively woven into the scene. The exploration of the protagonist's mental state adds depth to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the protagonist navigates the mental institution and interacts with other patients. The scene sets up potential conflicts and establishes the stakes for the protagonist.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on mental health facilities and challenges societal norms around mental illness. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Cole and Jeffrey, are well-defined and add depth to the scene. Their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist, Cole, undergoes some changes in perception and understanding as he navigates the mental institution and interacts with other patients. His experiences shape his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal is to make a telephone call, which reflects his desire for communication and connection with the outside world.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to navigate the challenges of being in a mental health facility and interacting with other patients and staff.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from the protagonist's internal struggles and interactions with other characters. The conflict adds tension and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts between the protagonist and other characters creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high for the protagonist, as he navigates a mental institution and grapples with his own mental health issues. The scene sets up potential challenges and obstacles for the character.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key themes, conflicts, and character dynamics. It sets up important plot points and establishes the stakes for the protagonist.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in dialogue and character interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the concept of mental illness and the societal structures that define and treat it. Jeffrey challenges the idea of mental illness as a product of the system and economy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including anxiety, confusion, and cynicism. The interactions between characters and the exploration of mental health issues add emotional depth to the story.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, witty, and reveals important information about the characters and the world they inhabit. It adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience interested.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the dark humor, and the exploration of complex themes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and interactions between characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the disorientation and frustration experienced by Cole as he is being transferred to a mental institution.
  • The dialogue between Cole and the policemen adds a layer of tension and dark humor to the scene.
  • The interaction between Cole and the hospital attendants during the decontamination process helps establish the oppressive and controlled environment of the institution.
  • Jeffrey's monologue about the mental health system and consumerism adds depth to the scene and provides insight into the characters' perspectives.
  • The introduction of TJ Washington and his explanation of his 'mental divergence' adds an intriguing element to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene, such as detailing the stark and sterile environment of the hospital.
  • Explore ways to further develop the tension between Cole and the hospital staff, perhaps by increasing the resistance he faces in trying to make a phone call.
  • Provide more context or background information on Cole's past experiences or mental state to deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Consider incorporating more visual cues or actions to convey Cole's internal struggles and emotions, such as his frustration and confusion.
  • Continue to build on the themes of control, manipulation, and the blurred lines between sanity and insanity that are present in the scene.



Scene 6 -  Confrontation in the Psych Ward
INT. PSYCH WARD CONFERENCE ROOM - MINUTES LATER (DAY)

COLE is agitated, speaking forcefully.

COLE
This is a place for crazy people! I'm
not crazy!

RAILLY, four other PSYCHIATRIC RESIDENTS, including RAILLY'S best
friend, MARILOU MARTIN, and their chief, DR. OWEN FLETCHER, sit
around a beat-up conference table, watching COLE, who sits facing
the doctors, with BILLINGS looming behind him. (Some of the DOCTORS
bear a strong resemblance to the SCIENTISTS OF THE FUTURE.)

RESIDENT #1
We don't use that term..."crazy", Mr. Cole.

COLE
Well, you've got some real nuts in here!
Listen to me, all of you -- I have to
tell you something that's going to be
difficult for you to understand, but...

DR. RAILLY
James...please. These are all doctors
here and we want to help you.

DR. FLETCHER
Mr. Cole -- last night you told Dr.
Railly you thought it was...
(checking a file)
1995. ... How about right now? Do you




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
know what year it is right now?

COLE
1989. Look, I'm not confused. There's been
a mistake, I've been sent to the wrong place.

Suddenly, COLE reaches out and BILLINGS lunges forward, but COLE
is just grabbing a pad and pencil.

COLE
Hey, I'm not going to hurt anybody.

FLETCHER restrains BILLINGS with a hand signal.

COLE
(drawing)
Do any of you know anything about the
Army of the Twelve Monkeys? They paint
this, stencil it, on buildings, all
over the place.

COLE waves a sketch of the dancing monkey logo we saw earlier.

DR. CASEY
Mr. Cole...

COLE
Right. I guess you wouldn't, this is
1989, they're probably not active yet.
That makes sense! Okay. Listen to me,
three billion people died in 1995.
Three billion, got that? Almost
the whole population. Of the world!
Only about one percent survived.

DOCTORS exchange knowing looks. This is an old story, apparently.

RESIDENT #2
Are you going to save us, Mr. Cole?

COLE
Save you? How can I save you? It
already happened! I can't save you. I'm
simply trying to get some information for
people in the present so that someday...
(sees their eyes)
You don't believe me. You think I'm
crazy. But I'm not crazy. I'm a convict,
sure, I have a quick temper, but I'm as
sane as anyone in this room. I...

COLE stops, sees DR. FLETCHER tapping his pencil. COLE'S seen
that tapping before -- in the future! It disorients him.

DR. RAILLY
Can you tell us the name of the prison
you've come from?




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COLE doesn't answer. He's staring at the tapping pencil.

DR. FLETCHER
Does this bother you, Mr. Cole?

COLE
(recovering, new tack)
No! Look, I don't belong here! What I
need to do is make a telephone call to
straighten everything out.

DR. FLETCHER
Who would you call, Mr. Cole, who would
straighten everything out?

COLE
Scientists. I'm supposed to report in
to them. They'll want to know they
sent me to the wrong time.

DR. FLETCHER
So you could talk to these scientists
and they do what? Send you to the future?

COLE
No, no. I can't talk to them. It's called,
"voice mail". I'm supposed to leave messages.
They monitor it from the present.

RESIDENT #2
"From the present." We're not in the
present now, Mr. Cole?

COLE
No, no. This is the past. This has
already happened. Listen...

RESIDENT #3
Mr. Cole, you belong in 1995 -- that's
the present, is that it?

COLE
No, 1995 is the past, too. Look...

DR. FLETCHER
These scientists, Mr. Cole? Are they
doctors like ourselves?

Two of the residents exchange quick knowing looks.

COLE
No! I mean yes, but... Look, I've been given
a lot of drugs but I'm still perfectly lucid.
You have to let me use the phone. One call!

COLE looks desperately toward RAILLY, pleading eyes meeting hers.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary Cole, an inmate in a psych ward, insists he's not crazy and demands to make a phone call to scientists in the future. However, the doctors dismiss his claims about a deadly virus in 1995 and the Army of the Twelve Monkeys as delusional. Despite his pleas, Cole's request to use the phone is denied, leaving him frustrated and the doctors unconvinced.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing concept of time travel and future events
  • Tension and suspense in the conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some exposition-heavy dialogue
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of science fiction and psychological thriller genres, creating a tense and intriguing atmosphere. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, keeping the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of time travel, a catastrophic event in the future, and communication with the future through voice mail are innovative and captivating. The scene challenges the audience's perception of reality and sanity.

Plot: 8

The plot unfolds smoothly, introducing the conflict between Cole's claims and the doctors' skepticism. The scene raises questions about truth, perception, and the nature of reality, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its premise of a man claiming to be from the future and the conflict between rationality and belief. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Cole and Dr. Railly, are well-developed and engaging. Cole's desperation and determination to convince the doctors contrast with Dr. Railly's empathy and skepticism, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Cole undergoes a subtle change as he tries to convince the doctors of his truth and faces their skepticism. His desperation and determination reveal different facets of his character, adding complexity to his arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal is to convince the doctors that he is not crazy and that he is from the future. This reflects his deeper need for validation and understanding, as he is desperate to be believed despite the odds stacked against him.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to make a phone call to the scientists in the future to correct the mistake of being sent to the wrong time. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing of being misunderstood and trapped in the past.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Cole's claims of time travel and the doctors' skepticism creates a high level of tension and suspense. The clash of beliefs and perceptions drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cole faces skepticism and disbelief from the doctors, adding to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Cole tries to convince the doctors of a catastrophic event in the future and his mission from the future. The outcome of this interaction could have significant consequences for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements of time travel, the future catastrophe, and Cole's mission. It sets up important conflicts and questions that will drive the narrative in future scenes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting beliefs and the uncertainty of whether Cole will be believed or dismissed as crazy.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the doctors' belief in rationality and Cole's seemingly irrational claims about time travel and the future. This challenges Cole's beliefs about his own sanity and the doctors' beliefs about the limits of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of confusion, fear, and desperation, especially through Cole's character. The audience is drawn into his struggle to convince the doctors and understand his reality.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the characters' motivations and conflicts effectively. It keeps the audience invested in the scene and enhances the tension and mystery.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, sharp dialogue, and the mystery surrounding Cole's claims.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and keeping the audience engaged in Cole's story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the action forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Cole's agitation and desperation to be heard, but it could benefit from more nuanced character interactions and depth.
  • The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose at times, lacking subtlety in conveying Cole's message about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and the deadly virus.
  • The doctors' reactions to Cole's claims could be more varied to add complexity and realism to the scene.
  • The scene could explore the emotional and psychological impact of Cole's time-travel experiences in more depth to enhance the audience's connection with the character.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the conflict between Cole's perceived reality and the doctors' skepticism, which could add layers to the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the dialogue to make the interactions between characters more engaging and realistic.
  • Explore the emotional journey of Cole more deeply to create a stronger connection with the audience and enhance the impact of his revelations.
  • Introduce more complexity in the doctors' responses to Cole's claims to add depth to the scene and create a more dynamic exchange.
  • Focus on building tension and suspense by gradually revealing Cole's backstory and the implications of his time-travel experiences.
  • Consider incorporating visual cues or symbolic elements to enhance the scene's atmosphere and convey the psychological turmoil experienced by Cole.



Scene 7 -  Confusion and Agitation in the Hospital
INT. LOW RENT APARTMENT - DAY

Four little KIDS SCREAM and SQUABBLE while the phone CHIRPS
insistently in the tiny, cluttered apartment and a harried MOTHER
lunges for the phone, answers sharply...

MOTHER
Yes?
(listens, frowns, then)
Whaaaaat? "Voice mail"! I don't know
what you're talkin' about. ... Is this
a joke? I don't know any scientists.
James who? Never heard of you!

The MOTHER slams down the phone.

INT. RAILLY'S OFFICE/COUNTY HOSPITAL - DAY

A dismayed COLE still has the receiver in his hand. Sympathetically,
RAILLY takes it from him.

RAILLY
It wasn't who you expected?

COLE is clearly agitated, starts to pace, upset. Nuts?

COLE
It was some lady. She didn't know anything.

RAILLY
Perhaps it was a wrong number...

COLE
No. That's the reason they chose me --
I remember things.

RAILLY frowns, studying the distracted man with intense interest.
It's clear COLE is becoming a special patient and RAILLY'S cool,
detached demeanor is giving way ever so slightly.

RAILLY
James, where did you grow up? Was it
around here? Around Baltimore?

COLE
(lost in thought)
What?

RAILLY
I have the...strangest feeling I've met
you before...a long time ago, perhaps.
Were you ever...?

COLE
Wait! This is only 1989! I'm supposed
to be leaving messages in 1995. It's




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
not the right number yet. That's the
problem. Damn! How can I contact them?

RAILLY recovers her distance, her poise, as she takes a bottle,
pours out some tablets, and holds them out to COLE.

RAILLY
James, take these.
(watching him step back)
Please -- I helped you like I said I
would. Now I want you to trust me.

INT. AIRPORT CONCOURSE - DAY (THE DREAM)

MR. PONYTAIL races past the startled YOUNG COLE.

MR. PONYTAIL
WATCH IT!

Was it JEFFREY wearing gaudy pants and a ponytail? It was
definitely JEFFREY'S VOICE.

TRAVELERS dive for cover as a WOMAN'S VOICE cries out...

WOMAN'S VOICE
NOOOOOOOOOO!

The TERRIFIED TRAVELER looks up at YOUNG COLE, makes eye contact, but
doesn't speak. The TERRIFIED TRAVELER looks a lot like DR. FLETCHER!

Just then, YOUNG COLE is distracted by a running figure. It's
the BLONDE MAN in the Hawaiian shirt, but he's not injured. He's
sprinting toward the gates, glancing back over his shoulder, his
moustache slightly askew!

A sharp CRACK of a GUNSHOT rings out! Then, DAZZLING LIGHT.
Everything goes white!

INT. DORMITORY (PSYCH WARD)/COUNTY HOSPITAL - NIGHT

COLE'S eyes blink awake, blinded by a flashlight.

He's lying in one of thirty beds in a darkened ward. Disoriented.
Which world is this? The room is full of BREATHING, SNORING,
occasional MOANS. He can barely discern the shadowy figures of
an ORDERLY and a NURSE, making their rounds, checking each bed.

His eyes adjusting to the darkness, COLE watches them exit.

He turns and sees a patch of moonlight coming in a barred window.

With a quick glance at the sleeping PATIENTS, he slips out of
bed, makes his way stealthily to the window, peers out.

COLE'S POV: the moon, glowing in the sky, illuminating a single
tree. Under the tree, in silhouette, a COUPLE embraces, kisses.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
ANGLE ON COLE, looking out the window, absorbed.

VOICE (o.s.)
It won't work. You can't open it.

Alarmed, COLE turns, sees JEFFREY in the next bed.

JEFFREY
You think you can remove the grill but
you can't. It's welded.

COLE checks the grill anyway.

JEFFREY
See? I toldja. And all the doors are
locked, too. They're protecting the
people on the outside from us. But the
people outside are as crazy as us.

COLE has become preoccupied with a small SPIDER creeping along
the window sill. He's staring at it when he's distracted by a
sudden SOUND. Grabbing the SPIDER, COLE scrambles back into bed
just as the door opens and an ORDERLY probes the dark room with
the blade of his flashlight.

ANGLE ON COLE, in bed, feigning sleep.

The flashlight clicks off and COLE hears the door close.

For a long moment the ward is silent except for BREATHING,
SNORES, occasional MOANS. Then, COLE hears JEFFREY'S hoarse
whisper, picking up right where he left off.

JEFFREY
You know what "crazy" is? "crazy" is
"majority rules". Take germs for example.

Although COLE is preoccupied with the SPIDER struggling to get
out of his fist, he can't help reacting to the word, "germs"!

COLE
Germs?!

JEFFREY
In the 18th century there was no such
thing! Nobody'd ever imagined such a
thing -- no sane person anyway. Along
comes this doctor...Semmelweiss, I
think. He tries to convince people...
other doctors mostly...that there are
these teeny tiny invisible "bad things"
called germs that get into your body and
make you...sick! He's trying to get
doctors to wash their hands. What is
this guy...crazy? Teeny tiny invisible
whaddayou call 'em?..."germs"!




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As JEFFREY warms to his subject, getting excited, COLE tries to
figure out where to put the SPIDER.

JEFFREY (cont.)
So cut to the 20th century! Last week
in fact, right before I got dragged
into this hellhole. I order a burger
in this fast food joint. The waiter
drops it on the floor. He picks it up,
wipes it off, hands it to me...like it
was all okay.

No alternative. COLE pops the SPIDER in his mouth and swallows
it as JEFFREY prattles on...

JEFFREY
"What about the germs?" I say. He
goes, "I don't believe in germs. Germs
are just a plot they made up so they
can sell you disinfectants and soap!"
Now, he's crazy, right? Hey, you
believe in germs, don't you?

COLE
I'm not crazy.

JEFFREY
Of course not, I never thought you were.
You want to escape, right? That's very
sane. I can help you. You want me to,
don't you? Get you out?

COLE
If you know how to escape, why don't you...?

JEFFREY
Why don't I escape, that's what you
were going to ask me, right? 'Cause
I'd be crazy to escape! I'm all taken
care of, see? I've sent out word.

COLE
What's that mean?

JEFFREY
I've managed to contact certain underlings,
evil spirits, secretaries of secretaries, and
assorted minions, who will contact my father.
When he learns I'm in this kind of place,
he'll have them transfer me to one of those
classy joints where they treat you...properly.
LIKE A GUEST! LIKE A PERSON! SHEETS!
TOWELS! LIKE A BIG HOTEL WITH GREAT DRUGS
FOR THE NUT CASE LUNATIC MANIAC DEVILS...

PATIENTS are waking up as the NURSE and two ORDERLIES burst into the
dorm and head straight for JEFFREY who's struggling to calm himself.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
JEFFREY
Sorry. Really sorry. Got a little
agitated. The thought of escaping
crossed my mind and suddenly...suddenly
I felt LIKE BENDING THE FUCKING BARS
BACK, RIPPING OFF THE GODDAMN WINDOW
FRAMES AND...EATING THEM, YES, EATING
THEM, AND LEAPING, LEAPING...

COLE watches the ORDERLIES grab JEFFREY and haul him away.

JEFFREY
You dumb assholes! I'm a mental patient!
I'm supposed to act out. Wait til you
morons find out who I am. My father's
gonna be really upset. AND WHEN MY
FATHER GETS UPSET, THE GROUND SHAKES!
MY FATHER IS GOD! I WORSHIP MY FATHER.
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary A harried mother receives a surprising call from a scientist, while Cole experiences confusion and disorientation at the hospital. After a chaotic dream, he witnesses the removal of a fellow patient who claims to be able to escape.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing concept
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Some scenes may feel disjointed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension, and introduces intriguing elements that keep the audience hooked.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a patient with a connection to the future and the discussion about sanity and germs adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot unfolds with the introduction of new characters and the revelation of the patient's unique abilities and struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as the protagonist's time-traveling memories and his interactions with other patients in the psychiatric ward. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own quirks and motivations that add layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The patient undergoes a subtle change as he begins to trust Dr. Railly and opens up about his experiences.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make sense of his memories and experiences, as well as to navigate the challenges of his situation. This reflects his deeper need for understanding and control in a chaotic world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to contact someone from the future and find a way to escape from his current predicament. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in the present timeline.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is internal conflict within the patient as he struggles with his memories and beliefs, as well as external conflict with the staff at the mental institution.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from external forces and conflicting beliefs that test his resolve and sanity.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for the patient as he grapples with his beliefs and struggles to make contact with the future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and deepening the mystery surrounding the patient.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's experiences, as well as the complex interactions between characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between the protagonist's belief in his memories and experiences and the skepticism of those around him. This challenges his worldview and sense of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions from anxiety to hope as the characters navigate their challenges.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their backgrounds.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character interactions, mysterious atmosphere, and psychological depth. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey and struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and introspection with action and dialogue, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character development and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from a harried mother in a low-rent apartment to Railly's office at the county hospital, which may confuse the audience.
  • The dialogue between the mother and Cole lacks depth and emotional impact, making it feel disconnected from the rest of the script.
  • The introduction of the dream sequence in the airport concourse feels disjointed and may need better integration into the overall narrative.
  • The interaction between Cole and Railly in the hospital lacks a clear emotional arc or development, making it challenging for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The shift from the dream sequence back to the hospital dormitory is abrupt and may benefit from smoother transitions.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between scenes to create a more cohesive flow in the narrative.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the dialogue between the mother and Cole to make it more engaging and impactful.
  • Integrate the dream sequence in the airport concourse more seamlessly into the storyline to avoid feeling disjointed.
  • Develop the interaction between Cole and Railly in the hospital to establish a clearer emotional arc for the characters.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different settings and sequences to improve the overall coherence of the scene.



Scene 8 -  The Escape Plan
INT. WARD DAYROOM - MORNING

ANGLE ON TV SCREEN/A VIDEO IMAGE OF A LAB MONKEY, convulsing
pathetically, a victim of shocks from the numerous wires attached
to his tiny, restrained body.

ANGLE ON COLE, sitting, writing intensely in a magazine with
crayon, surrounded by dull-eyed PATIENTS in pajamas and ratty
robes, staring at the shuddering LAB MONKEY on the TV screen.

JEFFREY'S VOICE (o.s.)
Torture! Experiments! We're all
monkeys

COLE locks up, startled, as JEFFREY, one eye bruised black, takes
the seat next to him.

COLE
They hurt you!

JEFFREY
Not as bad as what they're doing to
kitty.

ANGLE ON TV, showing a laboratory CAT turning in mad circles,
eating its own tail, while a NEWS REPORTER narrates.

TV NEWS REPORTER (v.o.)
These video tapes were obtained by
animal rights activists who worked
underground as laboratory assistants
for several months. Authorities say
there is little they can do until...

The video footage now shows LAB WORKERS watching the results of
their experiments passively.




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ANGLE ON COLE, reacting angrily.

COLE
Look at those assholes, they're asking
for it! Maybe people deserved to be
wiped out!

JEFFREY
(startled, turning)
Wiping cut the human race! That's a
great idea! But it's more of a long
term thing -- right now we have to
focus on more immediate goals.
(sudden whisper)
I didn't say a word about "you know
what".

COLE
What are you talking about???

JEFFREY
You know -- your plan.

As COLE stares, befuddled, JEFFREY sees COLE'S magazine.

JEFFREY
What're you writing? You a reporter?

COLE
(shielding the magazine)
It's private.

JEFFREY
A lawsuit? You going to sue them?

Just then BILLINGS looms over COLE, extending a cup full of pills.

BILLINGS
Yo, James -- time to take your meds.

INT. DAY ROOM/HOSPITAL - THIRTY MINUTES LATER (MORNING)

ANGLE ON THE TV, a commercial playing: a beautiful couple romps
in the surf in slow motion while an eager NARRATOR encourages...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Take a chance. Live the moment. Sunshine.
Gorgeous beaches. The Florida Keys!

ANGLE ON COLE, very drugged, seated in front of the TV along with
other drugged PATIENTS, staring at the screen.

ANGLE ON THE TV, showing a picture of the Marx Brothers.

TV AWNOUNCER (v.o.)
We'll return to the Marx Brothers in
"Monkey Business" following these




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messages.

JEFFREY'S VOICE (o.s.)
Monkey Business! Monk Key Business.

COLE sees JEFFREY sliding into the next chair and smirking.

JEFFREY
Get it? Monk - Key. Monk!
(big grin)
Key!

JEFFREY flashes his palm open for one quick moment. A KEY!

COLE
(groggy)
What....???

JEFFREY
Wooooo, they really dosed you, bro.
Major load! Listen up -- try and get
it together. Focus! Focus! The plan!
Remember? I did my part.

COLE
What...???

JEFFREY
Not, "what", babe! When!

"When???"

JEFFREY
(pressing the key into Cole's hand)
Now!

VOICE/TV (o.s.)
Let us guide you to the stocks and
bonds that will enhance your portfolio.

JEFFREY
(leaping to his feet)
YES -- NOW! BUY NOW! STOCKS AND BONDS!
NO MORE MONKEY BUSINESS -- BUY NOW.

ANGLE ON TV, almost mimicking JEFFREY with an ad...a BULL and a
BEAR and a computer screen showing stock prices fluctuating.

VOICE/TV (v.o.)
A portfolio tailored to your specific
needs and the needs of your loved ones...

ANGLE ON COLE, dumbfounded, watching JEFFREY dance crazily.

JEFFREY
YES, YES. ENHANCE YOUR PORTFOLIO NOW!




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ANGLE ON BILLINGS, across the ward, reacting to JEFFREY, lets go
of the OLD MAN he's helping as another orderly, TERRY, presses a
beeper, calling for help.

ANGLE ON COLE, flabbergasted, as JEFFREY cavorts around the room.

JEFFREY
BUY! SELL! SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITY!

ANGLE ON A HAND, inserting the last piece into the PEACEABLE
KINGDOM JIGSAW PUZZLE. Just then, JEFFREY'S HAND sweeps the
puzzle off the table, scattering it into a thousand pieces.

ANGLE ON JEFFREY, dancing away while the PATIENT who just
completed the puzzle stares, very upset.

Other PATIENTS are getting agitated, too, as JEFFREY avoids a
lunge by BILLINGS and dances off, using PATIENTS as a shield.

HEAVY WOMAN PATIENT
I'M GETTING DIZZY. MAKE HIM STOP!

SKINNY MAN PATIENT
HERE THEY COME! THEY'RE COMING!

OLD MAN PATIENT
FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! I GOT FIVE
HUNDRED DOLLARS! I'M INSURED!

JEFFREY
OPPORTUNITY! DEFINITELY! A WINDOW OF
OPPORTUNITY! OPENING NOW! NOW'S THE TIME
FOR ALL GOOD MEN TO SEIZE THE MOMENT! YES!
YES! MASTERCARD! VISA! THE KEY TO HAPPINESS!

ANGLE ON COLE, realizing through the haze of drugs that JEFFREY
is sending a message to him. COLE looks at the ward door.

COLE'S POV: the WARD DOOR opens and two husky ORDERLIES enter.
One locks the door with a key, one of many on a key ring attached
to his belt, as the other ORDERLY rushes to join the pursuit.

JEFFREY
SEIZE THE MOMENT! GET RICH! NOW'S THE
TIME! GO FOR IT!

BILLINGS
(missing a tackle)
God damn you, Jeffrey, quit playing the fool.

ANGLE ON COLE, hesitating. He locks at the door...blurring in
and out of focus. He looks down at the key in his hand.

ANGLE ON JEFFREY, being grabbed by the ORDERLIES. JEFFREY
resists wildly as they struggle to overpower him.

JEFFREY




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LAST CHANCE! LAST CHANCE! HEY -- OW!

ANGLE ON COLE, moving to the door. He reaches it and tries to
insert the key in the lock.

ANGLE ON LOCK, as the key keeps missing the hole.

ANGLE ON COLE, glancing nervously over his shoulder.

COLE'S POV: ORDERLIES swarm over JEFFREY, don't notice COLE.

ANGLE ON COLE, managing to insert the key. It won't turn.

A PATIENT, close at hand, startles COLE, speaking into his ear.

PATIENT
Place to go would be...Florida. The
keys are lovely this tine of year.

COLE, unnerved, desperate tries the key again. It turns.

PATIENT
Be careful. J. Edgar Hoover isn't really dead.

COLE pauses, stares, not understanding. Then, he opens the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary Startled by Jeffrey, Cole agrees to his plan to escape. Jeffrey whispers a message hidden within the key he hands over. When the orderlies enter, Cole unlocks the door, allowing Jeffrey to escape.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and intense, with a good balance of suspense, emotion, and intrigue. The dialogue is sharp and the characters are well-developed, contributing to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring mental health, manipulation, and conspiracy within a psychiatric ward is intriguing and well-executed. The use of symbolism and surreal elements adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot is driven by the escalating tension and conflict within the psychiatric ward, as well as the mysterious messages and actions of the characters. The scene moves the story forward and sets up intriguing developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unexpected elements such as the cryptic messages, chaotic actions of the characters, and the surreal blend of humor and darkness. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and compelling, each with their own motivations and struggles. Their interactions and dialogue reveal layers of depth and add to the overall tension and drama of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perceptions and behaviors, particularly Cole and Jeffrey. Their interactions and experiences in the psychiatric ward challenge their beliefs and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the cryptic messages being conveyed to him by Jeffrey and to make sense of his own thoughts and actions in the chaotic environment of the hospital ward.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to decipher the message being sent to him by Jeffrey and to potentially take action based on that message.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions escalating between the characters and the stakes becoming increasingly dire. The sense of urgency and danger drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs, values, and actions, creating a sense of conflict and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters' lives and sanity on the line. The escalating tensions and conflicts within the psychiatric ward raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revealing important information, and setting up future developments. It deepens the mystery and intrigue of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the cryptic messages, sudden shifts in tone, and unexpected actions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of rebellion against authority, the pursuit of personal freedom, and the consequences of taking action in a controlled environment. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about societal norms and personal agency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including anger, confusion, desperation, and fear. The intense interactions between the characters and the surreal elements add to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. It adds to the overall tone and atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, surreal imagery, and cryptic messages that keep the audience guessing about the characters' motivations and actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey through the chaotic hospital ward environment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the hospital ward setting, enhancing the atmosphere and tension of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that mirrors the protagonist's disoriented state of mind, effectively conveying the chaotic and unpredictable nature of the hospital ward environment.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a powerful visual of a lab monkey being tortured, setting a dark and unsettling tone.
  • The dialogue between Cole and Jeffrey is intriguing, but some lines feel forced or unnatural.
  • The transition from the TV footage to the interaction between Cole and Jeffrey could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The chaotic and agitated behavior of Jeffrey adds an element of tension and unpredictability to the scene.
  • The use of medication and drugged state of the patients adds to the disorienting atmosphere of the hospital setting.
  • The symbolism of the key and Jeffrey's cryptic messages could be further developed to create a more impactful and cohesive narrative.
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of confusion and paranoia, but some elements could be refined to enhance clarity and coherence.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging for the audience.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different elements of the scene to improve the overall flow.
  • Develop the symbolism of the key and Jeffrey's messages to create a stronger thematic connection.
  • Enhance the visual and auditory elements to further immerse the audience in the disorienting atmosphere of the hospital setting.
  • Focus on building tension and suspense through the interactions between the characters to keep the audience engaged.
  • Clarify the motivations and intentions of the characters to ensure their actions are consistent and compelling.
  • Consider adding more depth to the emotional and psychological aspects of the scene to create a more impactful and resonant experience for the audience.



Scene 9 -  Cole's Violent Outburst and Confrontation in the Hospital
INT. CORRIDOR/COUNTY HOSPITAL

Stepping through the door, COLE finds himself in an ante-room
facing several elevators.

A uniformed SECURITY MAN sitting at a near-by desk doesn't even
lock up from the magazine he's reading.

Barely daring to breathe, COLE steps toward the elevators so his
back is to the SECURITY MAN. But he doesn't know how to control
this elevator. What should he do?

SECURITY MAN'S VOICE (o.s.)
Two's not working today. Use one.

COLE freezes, sneaks a glance over his shoulder.

COLE'S POV: the SECURITY MAN continues his reading. He's a big
guy with reading glasses perched on his nose. He looks exactly
like the MENACING GUARD IN THE FUTURE...SCARFACE!

ANGLE ON COLE, stunned!

Just then, an elevator door slides open. The elevator's empty.

COLE steps into it.

INT. ELEVATOR/COUNTY HOSPITAL

The door closes, isolating COLE in the elevator.




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COLE finds the down button, is about to push it when the elevator
springs to life. The numbers on the indicator over the door
start to rise. 7...8...9.

Then, the elevator stops and the door opens.

Two DOCTORS and an AIDE stand in front of the door, waiting.

COLE hesitates.

They look at him. They seem to expect him to exit.

Avoiding eye contact, COLE exits the elevator.

As they enter the elevator, the DOCTORS look back at COLE and frown.

INT. RAILLY'S OFFICE - MORNING

RAILLY has just arrived for work. She's slipping on her white
doctor's coat when...

DR. CASEY, one of the other residents, sticks his head in the
door waving a crayoned message on a page torn from a magazine.

DR. CASEY
This was in my box, but I have a slight
suspicion it wasn't meant for me.

CASEY enters the room, reading the scrawled words dramatically.

DR. CASEY
"You are the most beautiful woman I have
ever seen. You live in a beautiful
world. But you don't know it. You have
freedom, sunshine, air you can breathe."

RAILLY
(smiling)
Cole. James Cole -- right?

She reaches for the note but CASEY moves it out of her grasp.

DR. CASEY
"I would do anything to stay here, but
I must leave. Please, help me."

RAILLY
Poor man...

CASEY is handing her the note when another resident, DR. GOODINS,
sticks his head in the door. He's upset.

DR. GOODINS
Hey, Kathryn, James Cole is one of
yours, right?

RAILLY and CASEY stare at him.




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DR. GOODINS
He got out. Took off. Last seen, he
was up on nine.

INT. X-RAY DEPARTMENT/BASEMENT - DAY

A PATIENT is being swallowed by a large tube, a CAT SCANNER,
while a DOCTOR in a white coat speaks reassuringly.

DOCTOR
Just relax -- don't fight it. We have
to know exactly what's there so we can...

The DOCTOR stops, astonished, as the door bursts open.

It's COLE! He stares at the PATIENT and the Cat Scanner.

The PATIENT lifts his head up and stares at COLE.

DOCTOR
Eh, excuse me. Can I help you?

COLE turns and rushes back out the door.

INT. CORRIDOR/COUNTY HOSPITAL

COLE steps into the corridor, turns to his right, freezes.

A POSSE of SECURITY GUARDS is headed in his direction.

COLE turns to his left.

Four ORDERLIES are coming that way.

COLE'S trapped. A beat. He attacks the nearest man. BILLINGS.

INT. TECH ROOM/PSYCH WARD - SHORTLY (DAY)

RAILLY prepares a hypo, turns to COLE who is strapped tightly on
a gurney with BILLINGS and an RN standing on either side, tense
for more trouble. One of BILLINGS' eyes is starting to swell shut.

RAILLY
It's just a shot to calm you.

COLE
No more drugs. Please...

RAILLY
I have to do this, James. You're very
confused.

RAILLY pushes the needle into COLE'S skin.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM/PSYCH WARD - LATER (DAY)




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DR. FLETCHER faces RAILLY across the conference table. DR.
CASEY, DR. GOODINS, DR. MARILOU MARTIN are also there.

DR. FLETCHER
Don't be defensive, Kathryn, this isn't
an inquisition.

RAILLY
I didn't think I was being defensive.
I was just...

DR. FLETCHER
He should have been in restraints. It
was bad judgment on your part, plain
and simple. why not just cop to it?

RAILLY
Okay, it was bad judgment. But I have
the strangest feeling about him -- I've
seen him somewhere and...

DR. FLETCHER
(impatient, not interested)
Two policemen were already in the
hospital and now we have an orderly
with a broken arm and a Security
Officer with a fractured skull.

RAILLY
I said it was bad judgment! What else
do you want me to say?

DR. FLETCHER
You see what I mean? You're being defensive.
(to Dr. Casey)
Isn't she being defensive, Bob?

But just then, BILLINGS sticks his head in the door.

BILLINGS
Uh, Dr. Fletcher -- we got another...
situation.
Genres: null

Summary Cole arrives at a hospital confused and becomes agitated in the elevator. He attacks an orderly, leading to his confinement in the psych ward. Dr. Fletcher criticizes Dr. Railly's handling of the situation, while an orderly reports another incident.
Strengths null
Weaknesses null

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 0


Story Content

Concept: 0

Plot: 0

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the hospital setting, blending elements of suspense and medical drama. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 0

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the hospital undetected and find a way to escape or avoid capture. This reflects his fear of being caught and his desire for freedom.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to evade the security guards and orderlies while trying to find a way out of the hospital. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in escaping capture.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 0

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cole facing multiple obstacles and challenges that create tension and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Cole's attempts to evade capture and escape the hospital.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between security and freedom. Cole's actions challenge the hospital's security measures, highlighting the tension between maintaining order and individual autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 0

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in Cole's plight.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful hospital drama, with clear scene transitions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Cole being in an elevator to facing doctors and an aide, which may confuse the audience about the location change.
  • The introduction of multiple characters in quick succession, such as Dr. Casey, Dr. Goodins, and the patient in the X-ray department, can be overwhelming and detract from the focus on Cole's storyline.
  • The dialogue between Dr. Fletcher and Dr. Railly lacks depth and emotional resonance, making it feel like a generic confrontation rather than a meaningful interaction.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, despite the potential for conflict with Cole's escape attempt and the escalating situation with the security guards and orderlies.
  • The resolution of the scene with Billings interrupting the conversation between Dr. Fletcher and Dr. Railly feels rushed and anticlimactic, missing an opportunity to build suspense or intrigue.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to provide a smoother transition between locations and characters, allowing for better flow and clarity.
  • Focus on developing the interactions between characters, particularly Dr. Fletcher, Dr. Railly, and Cole, to add depth and emotional resonance to the dialogue.
  • Build tension and urgency in the scene by emphasizing the escalating conflict with the security guards and orderlies, creating a sense of danger and suspense.
  • Enhance the resolution of the scene by introducing a more impactful or unexpected twist, such as a revelation or confrontation that leaves the audience wanting more.
  • Ensure that each character's actions and dialogue contribute meaningfully to the overall narrative and character development, avoiding unnecessary distractions or tangents.



Scene 10 -  Disappearance and Confrontation
INT. CORRIDOR/PSYCH WARD - MOMENTS LATER (DAY)

DR. FLETCHER looks into an empty padded cell as RAILLY, MARTIN,
GOODIN, BILLINGS, PALMER and the NURSE crowd behind him.

DR. FLETCHER
He was in full restraints? And the
door was locked?

BILLINGS
Yes, sir. Did it myself.

DR. FLETCHER
And he was fully sedated?




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RAILLY
He was fully sedated!

DR. FLETCHER
Then are you trying to tell me that a
fully sedated, fully restrained patient
somehow slipped out that vent, replaced
the grill behind him and that he's wriggling
through the ventilation system right now?

DR. FLETCHER indicates an impossibly tiny vent high in the wall.

INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT - DAY (THE DREAM)

Seen through the glass windows, a 747 takes off, climbing into
the sky as the airport P.A. System drones...

P.A. SYSTEM
Flight 784 to San Francisco now
boarding at Gate 38...

YOUNG COLE, watching the 747, whirls at the SOUND of a COMMOTION.

MR. PONYTAIL bumps him.

The BLONDE MAN sprints past. The WOMAN'S VOICE calls out!

WOMAN'S VOICE
NOOOOOOOOOO!

TRAVELERS dive for cover briefly revealing the mysterious BRUNETTE
running after the BLONDE MAN! But this time, YOUNG COLE catches
just a glimpse of her face. She looks a little like RAILLY except
for the dark hair, the make-up. and the flashy earrings. She
calls out, her VOICE blending weirdly with the P.A. SYSTEM...

BRUNETTE/P. A. SYSTEM
The Freedom For Animals Headquarters
now boarding on Second Avenue. The
Army of the Twelve Monkeys...

ENGINEER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Cole, you moron -- wake up!

INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE - ETERNAL NIGHT OF THE FUTURE

As COLE blinks awake, the digitized monotone of the P.A. SYSTEM
continues to drone in an unearthly VOICE...

UNEARTHLY VOICE/P.A. SYSTEM
-- they're the ones who are going to do it...

COLE'S eyes seek the source of the sound and find it on the table
in front of the panel of disapproving SCIENTISTS facing him. It's
a beat-up old tape recorder.




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UNEARTHLY VOICE/TAPE RECORDER
I can't do anything more. The Police
are after me.

The tape ends, runs off the reel, flap...flap...flap...

ASTROPHYSICIST
Well?

COLE
Uh, what?

ENGINEER
He's drugged out of his mind! He's
completely zoned out.

ASTROPHYSICIST
Cole, did you or did you not record
that message?

COLE
Uh, that message...me?

MICROBIOLOGIST
It's a digital reconstruction of a
message, Cole, from a weak signal on our
contact number. Did you make that call?

COLE
(angrily)
I couldn't call! You sent me to the
wrong year! It was 1989.

SCIENTISTS
1989!

The SCIENTISTS react, exchanging looks, whispers. Then,

ZOOLOGIST
You're certain of that?

GEOLOGIST
(before Cole can answer)
What did you do with your time, Cole?
Did you waste it on drugs? Women?

COLE
They forced me to take drugs.

BOTANIST
Forced you! Why would someone force
you to take drugs?

COLE
I got into trouble. I got arrested.
But I still got you a specimen -- a
spider -- but I didn't have anyplace to




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put it, so I ate it. It was the wrong
year anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter.

The SCIENTISTS stare incredulously, then turn, exchange knowing
looks, huddle, start whispering to one another.

Struggling to stay awake COLE sees, blurrily, the MICROBIOLOGIST
staring at COLE intently. For one moment, the face belongs to
DR. FLETCHER!

COLE blinks hard...and the MICROBIOLOGIST has his own face, again.

COLE'S head slumps forward now...and everything goes dark.

GEOLOGIST'S VOICE (o.s.)
Cole!
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Psychological Drama"]

Summary This scene revolves around a missing patient and a confrontation over a recorded message. In a hospital, Dr. Fletcher investigates the disappearance of a restrained and sedated patient, while the staff denies their escape. The scene shifts to a dream sequence at an airport where Young Cole witnesses a commotion involving a blonde man, a mysterious brunette, and a strange voice. Back in the future, Cole is confronted by scientists about a message he allegedly sent from 1989, but claims he was drugged and sent to the wrong year. As Cole struggles to stay awake, he experiences a brief hallucination of Dr. Fletcher's face on the Microbiologist. The scene ends with Cole losing consciousness.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intriguing concept
  • High level of conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for the audience
  • Character motivations could be clearer in some instances

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a good balance of suspense, mystery, and character development. The use of dream sequences and the introduction of new plot elements keep the audience intrigued. The dialogue is sharp and helps to build tension.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of time travel, mental health, and a mysterious organization adds depth to the scene. The idea of a character being caught between different time periods and struggling with their sanity is compelling.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with multiple layers of mystery and intrigue. The introduction of new characters and plot twists keeps the story moving forward and the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation where the protagonist must defend himself against skepticism and doubt from his peers. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are intriguing and complex, with hidden motivations and conflicting desires. The interactions between Cole, Dr. Railly, and the scientists add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Cole undergoes a significant change in this scene, from confusion and defiance to a moment of realization and action. His interactions with Jeffrey and the scientists challenge his beliefs and push him to take a decisive step towards escape.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove his innocence and competence to the skeptical scientists. This reflects his desire for validation and respect.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to explain his actions and convince the scientists of his innocence. This reflects the immediate challenge of being questioned and doubted by his peers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal (Cole's struggle with his memories and identity) and external (his interactions with the scientists and orderlies). The tension is palpable and keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the scientists questioning the protagonist's story and creating obstacles for him to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as Cole's sanity, freedom, and possibly the fate of the world are at risk. The tension is heightened by the uncertainty surrounding the truth of Cole's claims and the consequences of his actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new plot elements, raising questions, and setting up future conflicts. Cole's escape attempt and the revelation about the message he received propel the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's story and the skepticism of the scientists, leaving the audience unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between trust and skepticism. The scientists doubt the protagonist's story, while he seeks their trust and understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes feelings of confusion, fear, and paranoia, as the audience is drawn into Cole's disorienting world. The emotional impact is heightened by the uncertainty surrounding Cole's sanity and the truth of his claims.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, revealing important information about the characters and moving the plot forward. The tension between Cole and the scientists adds to the suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tense interactions between the characters, the mystery surrounding the protagonist's actions, and the sense of urgency in proving his innocence.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action to keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery or science fiction genre, with clear dialogue and action beats.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Dr. Fletcher questioning the staff about a missing patient to a dream sequence at an airport, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between the scientists and Cole feels disjointed and lacks a clear flow, making it difficult to follow the conversation and understand the significance of the message Cole allegedly sent.
  • The introduction of the tape recorder and the message from the future feels forced and out of place, adding unnecessary complexity to the scene.
  • The interaction between Cole and the scientists lacks depth and emotional resonance, making it challenging for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.
  • The revelation that Cole ate a spider as a specimen and dismisses the importance of his actions due to being in the wrong year feels anticlimactic and underwhelming.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a smoother transition between the different elements, such as the missing patient and the dream sequence.
  • Simplify the dialogue between the scientists and Cole to make it more engaging and coherent, focusing on the key points of the conversation.
  • Reconsider the use of the tape recorder and the message from the future to ensure it enhances the plot and character development rather than complicating the narrative.
  • Add more emotional depth to the interaction between Cole and the scientists to make the scene more compelling and impactful for the audience.
  • Revise the revelation about Cole eating a spider to make it more significant and meaningful in the context of the story, tying it back to the central themes and conflicts.



Scene 11 -  Cole's Interrogation
INT. ENGINEERING OFFICE - ETERNAL NIGHT OF THE FUTURE

COLE comes awake with a start. The room is dark now, except...

a slide is being projected on a torn screen. It's a picture of a
stenciled graffiti...the logo of The Army of the 12 Monkeys.

ENGINEER
What about it, Cole?

ZOOLOGIST
Did you see it?

COLE
Uh, no, sir. I...

Another slide CLICKS into place. Youthful PROTESTERS, their
placards featuring slogans and images of Animal Atrocities,
confront POLICE in riot gear.

ASTROPHYSICIST
What about these people? Did you see
any of these people?

Zooming in, panning, the SCIENTISTS emphasize the FACES of the
PROTESTERS. The FACES are unfamiliar to COLE (though WE will
recognize some of them later on).

COLE (o.s.)
Uh, no, sir, I...wait!

The image pans back to a much enlarged blurry FACE among the
PROTESTERS. In spite of the poor image, the expression of rage
is clear, and it seems to resemble a somewhat older JEFFREY MASON.

ASTROPHYSICIST
Him? You saw that man?

COLE
Uh, I think so. In the mental hospital.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
MICRO3IOLOGIST
(switching on the light)
You were in a mental institution?!

The SCIENTISTS MUTTER disapprovingly among themselves.

ASTROPHYSICIST
You were sent to make very important
observations!

BOTANIST
You could have made a real contribution.

GEOLOGIST
Helped to reclaim the planet...

ZOOLOGIST
As well as reducing your sentence.

MICROBIOLOGIST
The question is, Cole -- "Do you want
another chance?"

COLE stares at them, trying to figure out what they mean.

INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT - DAY (THE DREAM)

The BRUNETTE runs up the concourse, her back to YOUNG COLE, as
frightened PASSENGERS duck for cover, SHOUTING!

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Hey! Who's that?

INT. CELL - ETERNAL NIGHT

COLE opens his eyes. Where is he? Silence as he examines the
tiny cell. Bare cement walls. High ceiling. Same color and
size as the isolation room at the county hospital.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Hey, Bob...what's your name?

COLE looks around frantically. Up, down. Where is the VOICE
coming from? Maybe from that tiny vent high in the wall...

COLE
Where are you?

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
You can talk! Wah'dja do, Bobby boy?
Volunteer?

COLE
My name's not "Bob".

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)




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Not a prob, Bob. Where'd they send you?

COLE
Where are you?

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Another cell. ... Maybe.

COLE
What do you mean, "maybe"? What's that
supposed to mean?

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Maybe. Means "maybe" I'm in the next cell,
another "volunteer" like you -- or "maybe"
I'm in the Central Office spying on you
for all those science bozos. Or, hey, "maybe"
I'm not even here. "Maybe" I'm just in
your head. No way to confirm anything.
Ha Ha. Where'd they send you?

COLE doesn't answer.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Not talking, huh, Bob? That's okay
I can handle that.

COLE
1989.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
89! How was it? Good drugs? Lotsa
pussy? Hey, Bob, you do the job? D'ju
find out the "big info"?...Army of the
Twelve Monkeys...where the virus was
prior to mutation?

COLE
It was supposed to be 1995.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Science isn't an exact science with
these clowns. You're lucky you didn't
end up in ancient Egypt!
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Cole awakens in a dark office, confronted by scientists who question his lack of observations from his past mission. Despite recognizing Jeffrey Mason, Cole reveals his failure to go to the intended year. Interrogated further in a cramped cell, Cole faces a raspy voice demanding details of his mission.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Intriguing concept
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be confusing for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with suspense and mystery, and keeps the audience intrigued about Cole's situation and the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of time travel, mental institutions, and a deadly virus adds depth and complexity to the scene, making it thought-provoking and intriguing.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with multiple layers of mystery and suspense that keep the audience engaged and eager to learn more about Cole's story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of science fiction, mystery, and psychological thriller elements, with a focus on internal and external conflicts. The dialogue is cryptic and thought-provoking, adding depth to the characters' interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Cole and the mysterious voice, are intriguing and well-developed, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 6

Cole experiences some internal changes as he grapples with his reality and the information presented to him, adding depth to his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal is to understand the mysterious situation he finds himself in and to make sense of the voices and images he is experiencing. This reflects his need for clarity and control in a confusing and uncertain environment.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to fulfill his mission of making important observations and potentially uncovering information about the Army of the 12 Monkeys and the virus.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily driven by Cole's internal struggles and the mystery surrounding his situation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the mysterious voice challenging Cole's perceptions and beliefs. The uncertainty and tension created by the voice add depth to the conflict and drive the plot forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Cole as he navigates a complex web of reality, identity, and time travel, adding tension and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Cole's past, his current situation, and the mysterious events surrounding him.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the mysterious voice, cryptic dialogue, and unexpected twists in the plot. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the uncertainty of truth and reality. The mysterious voice challenges Cole's perception of what is real and questions the reliability of his experiences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of fear, confusion, and curiosity in the audience, creating an emotional connection and investment in Cole's story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and helps to reveal important information about the characters and the plot, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious atmosphere, cryptic dialogue, and suspenseful pacing. The interactions between characters and the unfolding of the plot keep the audience intrigued and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a mix of fast-paced dialogue and slower, contemplative moments. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the genre of science fiction and psychological thriller, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, alternating between different locations and timelines to create suspense and intrigue. The formatting is clear and concise, enhancing the pacing of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual of Cole waking up in a dark engineering office with a slide projection of The Army of the 12 Monkeys logo, setting a mysterious and intriguing tone.
  • The dialogue between the scientists and Cole is engaging and reveals important information about Cole's mission and his past experiences, adding depth to the story.
  • The use of the dream sequence at the airport involving Young Cole witnessing a commotion adds an element of suspense and connects to his past experiences, creating a sense of continuity.
  • The interaction between Cole and the raspy voice in the cell is intriguing and adds a layer of mystery to the scene, leaving the audience curious about the identity of the voice and its significance.
  • The scene effectively builds tension and raises questions about Cole's mission, his past, and the involvement of the scientists, keeping the audience engaged and eager to learn more.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere of the dark engineering office and the dream sequence at the airport, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore the dynamic between Cole and the scientists further, delving into their motivations and the implications of Cole's mission, to deepen the conflict and intrigue in the scene.
  • Develop the interaction between Cole and the raspy voice in the cell to build suspense and foreshadow future events, adding complexity to the narrative and keeping the audience guessing.
  • Consider incorporating subtle clues or hints in the dialogue and visuals to foreshadow upcoming plot twists or revelations, creating a sense of anticipation and intrigue for the audience.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the different elements of the scene, such as the slide projection, dialogue with the scientists, dream sequence, and interaction with the raspy voice, to maintain a cohesive and engaging narrative flow.



Scene 12 -  Cole's World War I Vision
INT. LAB - ETERNAL NIGHT OF THE FUTURE

COLE is strapped on a gurney. SCIENTISTS hover near-by,
whispering. The walls of the gloomy chamber are damp, sweating.

GEOLOGIST
No mistakes this time, Cole.

ASTROPHYSICIST
Stay alert. Keep your eyes open.

ZOOLOGIST




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Good thinking about that spider, Cole.
Try and do something like that again.

MICROBIOLOGIST
Just relax now -- don't fight it. We
have to know exactly what's there so we
can fix it.

The gurney is being wheeled into a crudely welded steel tube...
reminiscent of the cat scanner in County Hospital.

COLE'S POV: a last glimpse of anxious FACES, then the chamber
door is CLANGED shut.

EVERYTHING IS BLACK. A HUM BUILDS. THE BLACKNESS VIBRATES, THE
HUM REACHES A DEAFENING LEVEL, THEN DIMUENDOS. WE BEGIN TO HEAR
BURSTS OF MACHINE GUN FIRE, VOICES SHOUTING IN FRENCH, A SUDDEN
HUGE EXPLOSION! THEN...

EXT. TRENCH/FRANCE - DAY

DRIZZLING RAIN. And SCREAMS. COLE'S in a deep trench, naked,
eyes wide with terror. What's going on? Where is he? SOLDIERS
in gas masks push urgently past him rushing toward their injured
COMRADES who've been ripped apart by the shell that just hit
fifteen yards away. Muffled VOICES shout through gas masks...
in FRENCH. COLE doesn't know it, but this is World War I!
Suddenly, a SERGEANT confronts him, shouting in French.

SERGEANT
(FRENCH, subtitled)
Where's your mask?! And your clothes...
and your weapon, you idiot?!

COLE
What? What??

COLE looks around desperately. A horribly WOUNDED MAN is being
stretchered past them in the narrow trench. Machine guns chatter
close at hand. AAK AAK AAK. A grenade EXPLODES. Reacting to the
foreign word, the SERGEANT jams his bayonet into COLE'S ribs...

SERGEANT
(FRENCH, subtitled)
Captain! A Kraut! We got a Kraut!

COLE
I don't understand. Where am I?

The CAPTAIN hurries over, snapping at COLE in German.

CAPTAIN
(GERMAN, subtitled)
How'd you get here, soldier? What's
your rank? Where are your clothes?

COLE




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I...don't understand.

CAPTAIN
(frowning, GERMAN, subtitled)
German! Speak German! What are you
doing here?

VOICE (o.s.)
(pleading in English)
I gotta find 'em. I gotta find 'em.
Please, you gotta help me!

COLE turns, sees...

It's his friend, JOSE, the Puerto Rican kid from the next cell in
the "underground" time. He's being carried past COLE now on a
stretcher, blood all over his torso, horribly wounded.

COLE
JOSE!

JOSE
Cole! Oh, God, Cole, where are we?

JOSE reaches out to COLE just as a PHOTOGRAPHER takes a FLASH
PICTURE of the kid being carried off on the stretcher. SUDDENLY,
SHOTS RING OUT. COLE goes down. Hit in the leg!

SOLDIERS in gas masks rush past him like giant insects.

Looking to his left, COLE sees the CAPTAIN lying beside him, dead
from a chest wound, his gas mask half off.

COLE is reaching for the mask when...

A SHELL HITS CLOSE BY WITH AN ENORMOUS EXPLOSION.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","War","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit laboratory, Cole experiences a vision of being a soldier in World War I. Confronted by soldiers who don't understand him, he sees his friend Jose injured and is shot in the leg. The vision ends when a shell hits nearby, leaving Cole's fate uncertain.
Strengths
  • Unique concept
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Engaging plot twists
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Complexity may be overwhelming for some viewers
  • Lack of clarity in certain transitions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension, and introduces a unique blend of genres. The shift in time and setting adds depth to the story and keeps the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of time travel, war, and psychological turmoil is well-executed in the scene. The blending of different genres adds complexity and intrigue to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is gripping and takes unexpected turns with the introduction of time travel and war elements. The scene moves the story forward and sets up intriguing conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its approach to blending different time periods and realities, as well as the intense and chaotic atmosphere created. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Cole, are well-developed and face intense challenges in the scene. Their reactions and interactions add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, especially Cole, undergo significant changes as they navigate through the disorienting and dangerous environment. Their experiences shape their development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal in this scene is to understand where he is and what is happening to him. He is confused and disoriented, trying to make sense of the sudden shift in reality.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to survive the chaotic and dangerous situation he finds himself in, whether it be in the lab or the World War I trench.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, adding to the tension and suspense. The characters face challenges that test their survival instincts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cole facing dangerous and chaotic situations that challenge his survival and understanding of reality.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene, including survival, time travel consequences, and war dangers, heighten the tension and keep the audience engaged. The characters face life-threatening situations.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new challenges, conflicts, and revelations. It sets up future events and deepens the plot.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden shift in reality and the chaotic events that unfold, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of identity and reality. Cole is faced with a drastic shift in his surroundings, questioning his own existence and purpose.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, confusion, and desperation in the characters, creating an emotional impact on the audience. The intense situations heighten the emotional stakes.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the confusion and tension experienced by the characters. It adds to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the mystery surrounding Cole's situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the chaotic and disorienting atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic shift in reality for the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from a futuristic lab setting to a World War I trench, which may confuse the audience and disrupt the flow of the story.
  • The introduction of the World War I setting and the sudden shift in language (French and German) without subtitles may alienate viewers who do not understand these languages.
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of Cole's state of mind and how he transitions from the lab to the trench, leaving the audience disoriented.
  • The dialogue in multiple languages without subtitles may create a barrier for the audience to fully comprehend the interactions between Cole and the soldiers.
  • The sudden introduction of a wounded friend, Jose, and the chaotic war environment may distract from the main storyline and the overarching themes of the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider providing more context or visual cues to smoothly transition between the futuristic lab and the World War I setting.
  • Add subtitles or find a creative way to convey the dialogue in different languages to ensure the audience can follow the interactions between Cole and the soldiers.
  • Clarify Cole's emotional state and thought process as he navigates the unfamiliar World War I environment to help the audience connect with his experience.
  • Focus on integrating the World War I setting into the larger narrative of the screenplay to ensure it enhances the themes and character development rather than detracting from them.
  • Consider revising the scene to maintain a cohesive tone and narrative flow that aligns with the overall story arc and character journey of Cole.



Scene 13 -  Dr. Railly's Lecture on Madness and Apocalyptic Visions
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - NIGHT

Stunningly quiet. We are on a placid campus looking at the
dignified architecture of Breitrose Hall. MOVING IN we FOCUS ON
a large poster advertising "The Alexander Lectures, Spring 1995".
WE SKIM the listings (Jon Else on The Nuclear Agony, Dr. Andrew
Miksztal on Biological Ethics, etc.) until we SETTLE ON...

DR. KATHRYN RAILLY
MADNESS AND APOCALYPTIC VISIONS
MAY 17

INT. AUDITORIUM/BREITROSE HALL - NIGHT

A large screen dominates the auditorium stage. On the screen is
a slide of an engraving from the Middle Ages showing a MADMAN in
apparent agony, his mouth shaped to a scream, as he is restrained
by PEASANTS. The projector ZOOMS slowly in on the agonized FACE
of this MADMAN as we HEAR RAILLY'S VOICE lecturing.




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RAILLY'S VOICE (o.s.)
According to the accounts of local
officials at that time, this gentleman,
judged to be about forty years of age,
appeared suddenly in the village of Wyle
near Stonehenge in the West of England in
April of 1162. Using unfamiliar words and
speaking in a strange accent, the man made
dire prognostications about a pestilence
which he predicted would wipe out humanity
in approximately 8OO years. Deranged and
hysterical, the man raped a young woman of the
village, was taken into custody, but then
mysteriously escaped and was not heard of again.

WE DISCOVER RAILLY, six years older now, standing at a lectern
in a pool of light. She's dwarfed by the giant screen where the
engraving is replaced by a series of slides of woodcuts showing
scenes of pestilence in the Middle Ages as she lectures to an
audience of mostly SCHOLARLY TYPES.

RAILLY (cont.)
In 1841, Mackay wrote, "During seasons
of great pestilence, men have often
believed the prophecies of crazed
fanatics, that the end of the world was
come." Obviously, this plague/doomsday
scenario is considerably more compelling
when reality supports it in some form,
whether it's the Bubonic Plague, smallpox,
or AIDS. In addition to these "natural"
contagions, there are now technological
horrors as well: besides radiation,
consider our lurking fear of germ
warfare and its close approximation,
chemical warfare, which first reared
its ugly head in the deadly mustard
gas attacks during the First World War.

ON THE SCREEN, a SERIES of SLIDES show images of WORLD WAR I
SOLDIERS in gas masks, in death throes, etc..

RAILLY'S VOICE (cont. o.s.)
During such an attack in the French
trenches in October, 1917, we have an
account of this soldier...

ON THE SCREEN, a slide of an old deteriorated photograph shows
JOSE, the Puerto Rican kid, strapped to a stretcher, being carried
by SOLDIERS through the trenches during an attack. JOSE appears
to be ranting madly as the projector ZOOMS CLOSER on his face until
the image approximates Munch's famous painting.

RAILLY'S VOICE (cant. o.s.)
-- who, during an assault, was wounded
by shrapnel and hospitalized behind the
lines where Doctors discovered he had




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lost all comprehension of French but
spoke English fluently, albeit in a
regional dialect they didn't recognize.
The man, although physically unaffected
by the gas, was hysterical. He claimed
he had come from the future, that he was
looking for a pure germ that would
ultimately wipe mankind off the face of
the earth in the year... 1995!

The AUDIENCE gives a nervous CHUCKLE.

ON THE SCREEN, a different old photograph of JOSE. This time
he's in a military hospital, gaunt, haunted, very ill.

RAILLY'S VOICE (cont. o.s.)
Although seriously injured, the young
soldier disappeared from the hospital
before more data could be gathered. No
doubt, he was trying to carry on his
mission to warn others, substituting
for the agony of war...a self-inflicted
agony we call the "Cassandra Complex".

As RAILLY continues, we SCAN the AUDIENCE and DISCOVER MARILOU MARTIN,
RAILLY'S friend, and MARILOU'S HUSBAND, WAYNE CHANG, both listening
attentively. Further away, another MAN listens intently. A MAN with
shoulder-length carrot-colored hair. His name is DR. PETERS.

RAILLY (cont.)
Cassandra, in Greek legend you will recall,
was condemned to know the future but to be
disbelieved when she foretold it. Hence,
the agony of foreknowledge combined with
impotence to do anything about it.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Psychological Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Kathryn Railly presents a lecture on madness, apocalyptic prophecies, and the 'Cassandra Complex' at a university, utilizing medieval artwork and historical anecdotes of a Wyle madman who predicted a future plague.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing themes
  • Mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Some exposition-heavy dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a complex and intriguing narrative, blending historical elements with futuristic themes. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, creating a sense of mystery and tension. The introduction of the character claiming to be from the future adds an intriguing layer to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of madness, prophecy, and the end of the world is explored in a compelling and thought-provoking way. The scene effectively introduces complex ideas and themes that set the stage for further exploration in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is engaging and sets up intriguing mysteries and conflicts. The introduction of the character claiming to be from the future adds depth to the narrative and raises questions that drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of prophecies and the end of the world by incorporating historical events and philosophical discussions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene are intriguing and well-developed, particularly Dr. Kathryn Railly and the mysterious character claiming to be from the future. Their interactions and dialogue add depth to the scene and set up interesting dynamics for future developments.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the mysterious character claiming to be from the future sets the stage for potential character development and growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 9

Dr. Kathryn Railly's internal goal in this scene is to educate and engage her audience with her lecture on madness, apocalyptic visions, and historical prophecies. This reflects her desire to share knowledge and provoke thought.

External Goal: 7

Dr. Kathryn Railly's external goal in this scene is to deliver a successful lecture and captivate her audience with her insights and knowledge.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces conflicts related to the characters' beliefs, perceptions, and the mysterious events unfolding. There is a sense of tension and uncertainty that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as Dr. Railly challenges the audience's beliefs and perceptions with her lecture on madness, prophecies, and apocalyptic visions.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the themes of madness, prophecy, and the end of the world. The characters' beliefs, perceptions, and actions have significant consequences for the future, adding tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key themes, conflicts, and characters that will drive the narrative. The mysteries and questions raised in this scene set up intriguing plot developments and keep the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected historical revelations, philosophical insights, and the mysterious character of Jose who claims to be from the future.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of madness, prophecies, and the end of the world. Dr. Railly's lecture challenges the audience to consider the implications of historical events and their relevance to modern society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes feelings of anxiety, confusion, fear, and curiosity in the audience. The themes of madness, prophecy, and the end of the world create a sense of foreboding and uncertainty, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and thought-provoking, exploring complex themes and ideas. The interactions between characters are compelling and drive the narrative forward, creating tension and intrigue.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its intellectual content, historical references, and thought-provoking dialogue. The audience is drawn into the lecture and the philosophical discussions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and intrigue through the lecture and the historical revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre by using proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre by setting up the location, introducing the characters, and presenting the lecture in a coherent manner.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong visual of a placid college campus, setting a serene tone. The transition to the auditorium where Dr. Kathryn Railly is lecturing on madness and apocalyptic visions is smooth and engaging.
  • The use of historical accounts and slides to support Railly's lecture adds depth and credibility to her topic. The references to the Middle Ages, prophecies, and technological horrors create a rich tapestry of information for the audience.
  • The incorporation of World War I imagery and the story of Jose, the soldier from the future, adds a layer of mystery and intrigue to the scene. It ties in well with the theme of foreknowledge and the Cassandra Complex.
  • The nervous chuckle from the audience at the mention of the year 1995 adds a touch of dark humor to the otherwise serious topic. It shows the audience's reaction to the unsettling information being presented.
  • The introduction of Marilou Martin, Wayne Chang, and Dr. Peters in the audience adds depth to the scene and hints at potential future interactions or developments involving these characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements to enhance the audience's engagement, such as displaying additional historical images or videos related to the topics discussed by Railly.
  • Explore ways to further connect the story of Jose, the soldier from the future, to the main narrative to create a stronger thematic link throughout the screenplay.
  • Ensure a balance between the informative lecture and the emotional impact on the audience by incorporating moments of reflection or reaction from the listeners to Railly's presentation.
  • Consider incorporating subtle foreshadowing or hints about future events related to the Cassandra Complex or the impending disaster to build suspense and intrigue for the audience.
  • Continue to develop the characters introduced in the audience, such as Marilou Martin, Wayne Chang, and Dr. Peters, to create potential subplots or connections to the main storyline.



Scene 14 -  Kidnapping of Dr. Railly
INT. RECEPTION ROOM - AN HOUR LATER (NIGHT)

A stack of new books. THE DOOMSDAY SYNDROME, Apocalyptic
Visions of the Mentally Ill by Dr. Kathryn Railly

Surrounded by enthusiastic members of the audience, RAILLY is
seated at the table signing books but DR. PETERS has her ear.

DR. PETERS
I think, Dr. Railly, you have given
your alarmists a bad name. Surely
there is very real and very convincing
data that the planet cannot survive the
excesses of the human race: proliferation
of atomic devices, uncontrolled breeding
habits, the rape of the environment, the
pollution of land, sea, and air. In this
context, isn't it obvious that "Chicken
Little" represents the sane vision and
that Homo Sapiens' motto, "Let's go
shopping!" is the cry of the true lunatic?




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DR. PETERS smiles self-importantly at RAILLY as an elderly
disheveled PROFESSOR elbows in front of him.

DISHEVELED PROFESSOR
Doctor Railly -- please! I wonder if
you're aware of my own studies which
indicate that certain cycles of the
moon actually impact on the incidence
of apocalyptic predictions as observed
in urban emergency rooms and...

As the PROFESSOR babbles, MARILOU MARTIN and her husband, WAYNE
CHANG, appear and whisper...

MARILOU
You were great.

RAILLY
You're leaving?

MARILOU
The reservation's at nine thirty --
it's getting late.

DISHEVELED PROFESSOR
Doctor Railly -- please -- this is very
important!

WAYNE CHANG
(checking the professor)
You sure you're gonna be all right?

RAILLY
(smiles, checks her watch)
I'll be there in twenty minutes.

DISHEVELED PROFESSOR
Dr. Railly, I simply cannot understand
your exclusion of the moon in relation
to apocalyptic dementia...

EXT. PARKING LOT/BREITROSE HALL - NIGHT

A full moon.

COLLEAGUES in a VOLVO pull out of the parking lot, calling,
"Congratulations" to RAILLY.

She waves back as she hurries to her black ACURA, one of the last
cars left in the lot.

The outside lights of Breitrose Hall go off.

RAILLY seems to be alone in the lot as she fishes keys from her
purse, unlocks her car door, starts to open it when...




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Suddenly, she's grabbed from behind in a choke-hold by a large
shadowy MAN looming out of the darkness behind her.

MAN'S VOICE
Get in!

Unable to scream, she writhes and kicks as he forces her into the
front seat.

MAN'S VOICE
I've got a gun.

RAILLY freezes, terrified, as he opens the rear door and
scrambles in behind her.

INT. ACURA/PARKING LOT

Fighting to suppress the quaver in her voice, RAILLY says...

RAILLY
You can have my purse. I have a lot of
cash and credit...

MAN'S VOICE (o.s.)
Start the car.

Glancing in the rear view mirror, RAILLY sees penetrating eyes
peering out of the shadows, no other features.

Half-turning in the seat, she holds out the keys to him.

RAILLY
Here! You can have the keys. You can...

He grabs her hair and yanks her head back hard, speaking fiercely
into her ear, his face last in shadow.

MAN
START THE CAR! NOW!

EXT. ACURA/PARKING LOT

The engine STARTS, the Acura backs up, then heads for the exit.

INT. ACURA

Steering fearfully, RAILLY hears him speak more calmly now.

MAN'S VOICE (o.s.)
I don't want to hurt you. But I will.
I've hurt people before when...when I
had no choice. Turn left.

As she makes the turn, RAILLY glances in the rear view mirror,
sees him unfolding a tattered map. His face is lost in darkness
but she glimpses ragged, torn clothing as he tries to read the
map by the intermittent glow of passing street lights.




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RAILLY
Where... where are we going'

MAN
I need you to drive me to Philadelphia.

RAILLY
(startled, horrified)
But that's... that's more than 200 miles!

MAN
That's why I can't walk there. Turn
here... I think...

RAILLY obeys. She glances in the mirror again, hesitates, then
boldly switches on the dome light, holding her breath fearfully
for his reaction.

He grunts appreciatively. Relieved, she looks in the mirror
again, trying to get a better look at him, but now his features
are concealed by the map.

RAILLY
If you make me go with you, it's
kidnapping. That's a serious crime.
If you let me go, you could just take
the car and...

MAN
I don't know how to drive! We went
underground when I was nine, I told you
that. When you come to the corner,
turn right.

Startled, RAILLY whirls, looks right at him.

He's lowered the map. It's COLE! Haggard, unshaven, dirty.

RAILLY
Cole! James Cole! You escaped from a
locked room six years ago.

COLE
1989. Six years for you. There's the
sign! Right here!

COLE is indicating a freeway entrance.

RAILLY turns the wheel sharply.
Genres: ["Thriller","Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Railly, a psychiatrist, is approached by various individuals at a book event. While departing, she is forcibly abducted by James Cole, who escaped from confinement six years ago. Cole directs Railly to drive him to Philadelphia, leaving her afraid yet intrigued by his enigmatic motivations.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Predictable plot twists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a strong mix of tension, suspense, and fear. The unexpected abduction of Dr. Railly by Cole adds a thrilling element to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an abduction in a dark parking lot adds a sense of danger and urgency to the scene. The introduction of Cole as the abductor creates intrigue and raises questions about his motives.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a dramatic turn with the abduction of Dr. Railly, adding a new layer of conflict and tension to the story. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets up new challenges for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the abduction trope, blending elements of science fiction, thriller, and philosophical drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Dr. Railly and Cole are well-developed and their interactions are intense and gripping. The scene showcases their conflicting motivations and adds depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Dr. Railly and Cole undergo significant changes in the scene, as they are forced to confront their fears and make difficult choices. The abduction and its aftermath challenge their beliefs and motivations.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a challenging and unexpected situation while maintaining her composure and intelligence. She must confront her fears and use her wits to survive the encounter with the mysterious man who has abducted her.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to survive the abduction and find a way to escape from the dangerous situation she finds herself in. She must also try to understand the motives of her captor and find a way to outsmart him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Dr. Railly facing a life-threatening situation and Cole grappling with his own demons. The tension between the characters drives the narrative forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a dangerous and unpredictable situation that challenges her beliefs and values. The antagonist's motives and actions create tension and conflict, driving the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Dr. Railly's life is in danger and Cole's actions have far-reaching consequences. The abduction raises the stakes for both characters and sets the stage for a dramatic confrontation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts and challenges for the characters. The abduction of Dr. Railly by Cole sets up a new narrative arc and raises the stakes for the protagonists.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts audience expectations and introduces unexpected plot twists that challenge the characters' beliefs and values. The abduction scenario takes a surprising turn, keeping viewers guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of survival, morality, and human nature. The antagonist challenges the protagonist's beliefs about right and wrong, forcing her to confront her own values and decisions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with fear, tension, and desperation palpable throughout. The abduction of Dr. Railly and the intense interactions between the characters evoke strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, reflecting the fear and urgency of the situation. The exchanges between Dr. Railly and Cole reveal their conflicting emotions and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The suspenseful atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and unexpected plot twists create a sense of urgency and danger, drawing viewers into the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome, creating a sense of urgency and danger.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay, making it easy to visualize the events unfolding on screen.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure that builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong visual of Dr. Kathryn Railly signing books surrounded by enthusiastic audience members, which sets the stage well.
  • The dialogue between Dr. Peters and Dr. Railly introduces an interesting debate about the state of the planet and the behavior of humanity, adding depth to the scene.
  • The introduction of the disheveled professor and his discussion about the impact of the moon on apocalyptic predictions adds an intriguing layer to the conversation.
  • The transition to the parking lot with the full moon sets a mysterious and tense atmosphere, building anticipation for the upcoming events.
  • The sudden appearance of the shadowy man grabbing Railly from behind creates a sense of danger and urgency, effectively pulling the audience into the action.
  • The interaction between Railly and the man in the car is filled with tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge as they wonder about the man's intentions.
  • The reveal that the shadowy man is actually Cole adds a surprising twist to the scene, adding complexity to the character dynamics and raising questions about his motives.
  • The dialogue between Railly and Cole as he instructs her to drive him to Philadelphia is engaging and reveals important information about Cole's background and motivations.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the reveal of Cole in the car, leaving the audience eager to see what will happen next.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Dr. Railly to give insight into her feelings during the tense situation.
  • Enhance the description of the shadowy man's appearance and actions to create a more vivid and suspenseful image in the reader's mind.
  • Explore deeper into Cole's backstory and motivations for kidnapping Dr. Railly to add layers to his character and create more intrigue.
  • Add more sensory details to immerse the reader in the scene, such as sounds of the night, smells of the environment, and physical sensations of fear and tension.
  • Consider incorporating more subtle hints or foreshadowing about Cole's true identity earlier in the scene to build anticipation and suspense.



Scene 15 -  En Route to Philadelphia
EXT. FREEWAY - NIGHT

The Acura veers up the ramp and onto the freeway.

INT. ACURA/FREEWAY - NIGHT




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RAILLY glances in the mirror, sees COLE settling back wearily
against the seat. She says carefully...

RAILLY
I can't believe this is a coincidence,
Mr. Cole. Have you been...following me?

COLE
You told me you'd help me. I know this
isn't what you meant, but...I was desperate...
no money...bum leg... sleeping on the streets.
I probably smell bad. Sorry about that.
But then I saw your book in a store window
with a notice about your lecture.
(sudden pride)
I can read, remember?

RAILLY
Yes, I remember.
(a beat, then)
Why do you want to go to Philadelphia?

COLE
It's the next step. I checked out the
Baltimore information, it was nothing.
It's Philadelphia, that's where they
are, the ones who killed everyone.
(pointing suddenly, eagerly)
Zs that a radio? Does it play music?

RAILLY turns on the radio and immediately WE HEAR the SOUND of SURF
and the CRIES of gulls, background to an oozing baritone COMMERCIAL.

COMMERCIAL/RADIO (o.s.)
This is a personal message to you.

COLE sits up, alert, listening intently.

COMMERCIAL/RADIO (cont. o.s.)
Are you at the end of your rope? Are
you dying to get away?

COLE'S eyes narrow, concentrating on this personal message.

COMMERCAIL/RADIO (cont. o.s.}
The Florida Keys are waiting for you.

COLE frowns as the SOUND of breaking SURF and crying GULLS fills
the car. It's confusing! He blurts out...

COLE
I've never seen the ocean!

Observing his confusion in the mirror, RAILLY assumes her
professional tone.

RAILLY




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It's an advertisement, Mr. Cole. You
do understand that, don't you? It's
not really a special message to you.

COLE frowns. He did think it was for him, but she's probably right.

COLE
You used to call me "James".

RAILLY
You'd prefer that? ... James...you
don't really have a gun, do you.

COLE
(cynical laugh)
Everybody's got a gun. In this city...

He breaks off reacting to the RADIO MUSIC! FATS DOMINO singing
"BLUEBERRY HILL"! COLE grins, mouth agape, eyes wide like a kid's.

COLE
Can you...can you make it louder? I
love hearing twentieth century music!
Hearing music and breathing air!

As RAILLY cranks up the volume, she watches the mirror
incredulously, sees him stick his head out the window into the
wind, mouth open, "eating" the air hungrily.

EXT. FREEWAY/ACURA - NIGHT

"BLUEBERRY HILL" BLARES as the Acura, COLE'S head out the rear
window, zips past a sign at 65 mph.

The sign says, "PHILADELPHIA 233 MILES."

INT. ACURA/FREEWAY - NIGHT

RAILLY glances in the mirror at the nut in the rear seat with his
head out the window. what can she do? Just then, while she's
trying to figure something out, an ANNOUNCER'S VOICE breaks in...

ANNOUNCER/RADIO (o.s.)
This just in from Fresno, California:
emergency crews are converging on a
cornfield where playmates of nine year
old Ricky Neuman say they saw him
disappear right before their eyes.

COLE pulls his head back inside with a frown, troubled now.

ANNOUNCER/RADIO (cont. o.s.)
Young Neuman apparently stepped into an
abandoned well shaft and is lodged somewhere
in the narrow 150 foot pipe, possibly alive,
possibly seriously injured. Playmates claim
they heard him cry out faintly but since then




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there has been no contact with...

COLE
"Never cry wolf!"

RAILLY
What?

COLE
My father told me that. "Never cry
wolf." Then people won't believe you
if...something really happens.

RAILLY
"If something really happens"...like
what, James?

COLE
Something bad. Is that all the music?
I don't want to hear this stuff...

RAILLY glances at him as she scans stations.

RAILLY
Did something terrible happen to you when
you were a child? Something so bad...?

COLE
Ohhhh, that one! Can we hear that one?

It's IVORY JOE HUNTER singing, "SINCE I MET YOU, BABY".

IVORY JOE/RADIO (o.s.)
"Since I met you, baby,
My whole life has changed...

Ecstatic, COLE sticks his head out the window again.

EXT. ACURA/FREEWAY

COLE'S POV: the heavens, glittering with a million stars and a
lover's moon as IVORY JOE croons the achingly romantic lyrics...

IVORY JOE/RADIO (cont. o.s.)
"-- cause since I met you, baby.
All I need is you..."

ANGLE ON COLE, wind in his hair, eyes shining, gulping air blissfully.

INT. RAILLY'S APARTMENT - MORNING

Two POLICE OFFICERS and an anxious MARILOU MARTIN listen to an
answering machine's message while a hungry CAT cries plaintively.

ANSWERING MACHINE
Dr. Railly -- this is Palmer from Psych
Admitting. There was a guy here this




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afternoon looking for you. He seemed
very agitated. We tried to keep him, but
he refused 'n I kept thinking, I know
this guy. Then, just a few minutes ago,
it came to me. It's Cole! James Cole.
Remember him? The paranoid who pulled
the Houdini back in '89. Well, he's
back and he's...cuckoo...and he's looking
for you. I thought you oughta know.

The machine switches off. The POLICE OFFICERS exchange a look.

MARILOU MARTIN
It's just as I told you -- my husband
and I had gone ahead -- she never
showed. That's totally unlike her!

OFFICER TWO
(pulls out his notebook)
Do you happen to know the make of her car?

MARILOU MARTIN
Um...Acura...'92 Acura. ... Also, that
cat's starving! She would never neglect
her cat!

EXT. MOTEL - MORNING

The ACURA is parked outside room 46 of the HIGHWAYS & BYWAYS
MOTEL, which has definitely seen better days.

INT. MOTEL ROOM 46

The TV is on. A commercial is just starting. A catfood jingle.

The sound of HEAVY BREATHING.

ANGLE ON COLE, sweating, BREATHING HEAVILY, sprawled on one side
of the double bed, sound asleep.

INT. CONCOURSE/AIRPORT - DAY (THE DREAM)

GUNSHOT! YOUNG COLE glimpses the BLONDE MAN staggering, wounded.

The mysterious BRUNETTE races past him toward the BLONDE MAN, and
YOUNG COLE again glimpses the resemblance to RAILLY, in spite of
the dark hair, the make-up, the flashy earrings.

Close at hand, YOUNG COLE'S FATHER, his face still out of view, says,

FATHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Son, it's important for your cat to
have the nourishment necessary for
healthy bones and a rich coat.

INT. MOTEL ROOM 46




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COLE comes awake with a start. He stares, disoriented, at the
CATFOOD COMMERCIAL on the TV.

RAILLY'S VOICE (o.s.)
Please untie me. I'm very uncomfortable.

COLE turns to RAILLY, beside him on the bed, frightened and
helpless, her jacket arranged to restrain her like a strait-jacket.

COLE'S instinct is to free her at once, but he controls his
impulse. He looks away, gets up, and, wincing, limps to the
dresser, stepping around empty fast-food cartons. He pulls a
razor and shaving soap from a paper bag, then goes into the
bathroom, leaving the door open, and starts to shave.

COLE
You were in my dream just now. Your hair
was different, but I'm sure it was you.

RAILLY
We dream about what's important in our lives.
And I seem to have become pretty important
in yours. What was the dream about?

COLE
About an airport...before everything
happened. It's the same dream I always
have -- the only one. I'm a little kid
in it.

RAILLY
And I was in it? What did I do?

COLE
You were very upset. You're always
very upset in the dream, but I never
knew it was you before.

RAILLY
It wasn't me before, James. It's
become me now because of...what's
happening. Please untie me.

Finished shaving, COLE re-enters the bedroom, toweling his face.

COLE
No, I think it was always you. It's
very strange.

RAILLY
You're flushed. And you were moaning.
I think you're running a fever. What
are you doing?

COLE is rummaging through RAILLY'S wallet, pulling out money.

COLE




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I'll be back in a minute.

He heads for the door.

RAILLY
No! Don't leave me here like this!

Too late! He shuts the door behind him, leaving her alone.

ANGLE ON THE TV SCREEN, where an ANCHORMAN sits at a News Set.

TV ANCHORMAN
And in Fresno, California...crews
continue to attempt to rescue nine year
old Ricky Neuman.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, twisting and struggling on the bed, trying to
get loose, tears welling in her eyes.

TV ANCHORMAN (cont. o.s.)
The boy was playing ball with four
other children when he literally
disappeared off the face of the earth.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Railly and Cole drive towards Philadelphia, where Cole reveals he's been following her. They discuss music and Cole shares a memory. The scene then shifts to Railly's apartment, where police inform Marilou about Cole searching for Railly. Later, in a motel room, Cole wakes from a dream of Railly tied up and finds her in that situation, leaving her bound as the scene ends.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Emotional depth and vulnerability
  • Revealing backstory and internal conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly forced or expository at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue, keeping the audience engaged with the unfolding events. The mix of emotions and revelations adds depth to the characters and the overall plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a fugitive seeking help from a psychiatrist while on the run is intriguing and sets up a compelling dynamic between the characters. The use of dreams and memories adds a layer of complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Cole and Railly navigate their situation, uncovering new information and facing challenges along the way. The scene effectively sets up future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as Cole's mysterious past, Railly's skepticism, and the radio messages, creating an original and engaging narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Cole and Railly are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion. Their evolving relationship drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Both Cole and Railly undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and behaviors throughout the scene. Their interactions and revelations lead to personal growth and self-discovery.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand Cole's motivations and past traumas, as well as to navigate her own feelings of fear and confusion.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to help Cole and figure out the mystery surrounding him, while also dealing with the immediate danger and uncertainty of their situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the tension and suspense. The conflicting motivations of the characters create a sense of urgency and uncertainty.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cole's past traumas, Railly's skepticism, and the external dangers creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Cole and Railly navigate a dangerous situation while uncovering secrets and facing unknown threats. The characters' lives and futures are at risk, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new information, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. The audience is left eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected radio messages, Cole's mysterious past, and the tension between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust, belief, and perception. Cole's past experiences and Railly's skepticism create a tension between reality and perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is high, as the characters grapple with fear, confusion, and vulnerability. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional journeys, creating a sense of empathy and connection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, adding depth to their interactions. The use of dialogue to reveal backstory and internal conflicts is well-executed.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of suspense, mystery, and emotional depth, keeping the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and develops the characters' motivations and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a good setup of Railly and Cole's interaction, but the transition from the freeway to the motel room feels a bit abrupt.
  • There is a lack of clarity in Cole's motivations and actions, especially when he suddenly ties up Railly and leaves her alone in the motel room.
  • The dialogue between Railly and Cole is engaging, but there are moments where the conversation feels disjointed and could be smoother.
  • The use of the radio commercial and the news bulletin adds an interesting layer to the scene, but the connection to Cole's past experiences could be more clearly established.
  • The dream sequence involving Young Cole and the airport adds an intriguing element, but the transition back to the present could be more seamless.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining Cole's character arc and motivations to make his actions more consistent and believable.
  • Work on the flow of dialogue to ensure a smoother interaction between Railly and Cole.
  • Provide more context and connection between the radio commercial, news bulletin, and Cole's past experiences to enhance the thematic elements of the scene.
  • Explore ways to improve the transition between different settings and dream sequences to create a more cohesive narrative.
  • Consider adding more depth to Railly's emotional response to being tied up and left alone in the motel room to increase tension and character development.



Scene 16 -  The Boy in the Well
EXT. MOTEL CORRIDOR - MORNING

COLE puzzles over a junk food vending machine, inserts coins
tentatively.

INT. MOTEL ROOM

ANGLE ON TV, the picture of RAILLY filling the screen.


----------------------- PAGE 52 MISSING -----------------------


COLE
My notes. Observations. Clues.

RAILLY
Clues? What kind of clues?

COLE
A secret army. The Army of The Twelve
Monkeys. I've told you about them.
They spread the virus. That's why we
have to get to Philadelphia. I have to
find them -- it's my assignment.

RAILLY
What will you do...when you find
this...secret army?

COLE
I just have to locate the virus in its
original form before it mutates. So




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scientists can come back and study it
and find a cure. So that those of us
who survived can go back to the surface
of the earth.

RAILLY maintains a professional deadpan, says nothing as they pass
a pickup truck with a MOTHER, FATHER, and five KIDS in the back.

COLE stares at the KIDS, a sad look in his eyes.

COLE
You won't think I'm crazy next month.
People are going to start dying. At
first the papers will say it's some
weird fever, some virus. Then they'll
begin to catch on. They'll get it.

RADIO NEWSCASTER (o.s.)
We interrupt this program with a
special bulletin...

RAILLY and COLE both react to the radio, suddenly alert.

RADIO NEWSCASTER (o.s.)
This report just in from Fresno,
California. Naval sonar specialists
who were flown to the site...

COLE
I thought it was about us. I thought
maybe they'd found us and arrested me
or something.

RAILLY stares at COLE.

COLE
Just a joke.

RADIO NEWSCASTER (o.s.)
-- an hour ago have been unable to
determine the location of the boy in the
150 foot shaft...but a TV sound man who
lowered an ultra-sensitive microphone into
the narrow tube claims he heard breathing
sounds coming from approximately seventy
feet down...

COLE reaches over and changes stations. MUSIC again.

RAILLY
Does that disturb you, James? Thinking
about that little boy in the well?

COLE
When I was a kid I identified with that
kid, down there alone in that pipe...a
hundred feet down -- doesn't know if




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they're going to save him.

RAILLY
What do you mean -- when you were a kid?

COLE
Nevermind. It's not real -- it's a
hoax. A prank. He's hiding in a barn.
Hey, turn left here. Left!

COLE quickly checks the map as RAILLY stares, then turns left.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Cole struggles with the junk food vending machine and reveals his mission to Railly in a motel room. They discuss the virus and its potential impact. Cole expresses concern for the children in a pickup truck and the boy trapped in a well, connecting it to his childhood experiences. Amidst skepticism from Railly, Cole predicts the virus will claim lives next month, and they turn left as instructed.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Complex characters
  • Suspenseful tone
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be confusing for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with suspense, and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The emotional depth and complexity of the characters add layers to the narrative, making it a compelling watch.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a man on a mission to find a secret army and locate a deadly virus is intriguing and sets up a high-stakes plot. The scene effectively introduces these elements and keeps the audience invested in the unfolding mystery.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with a clear goal for the main character and obstacles that he must overcome. The scene moves the story forward by introducing key information and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the post-apocalyptic genre, focusing on the search for a cure for a deadly virus and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are complex and multi-dimensional, with conflicting motivations and emotions. The dynamic between Cole and Railly is particularly engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Cole undergoes a significant change in the scene as he reveals more about his mission and vulnerabilities to Railly. This adds depth to his character and sets up future development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find the Army of The Twelve Monkeys and locate the original form of the virus before it mutates. This reflects his deeper desire to save humanity and find a cure for the deadly virus.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to locate the virus in its original form so that scientists can study it and find a cure. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding the source of the virus and preventing further mutations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts that drive the plot forward. The conflict between Cole's mission and Railly's skepticism creates tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations driving the characters' actions and dialogue. The uncertainty and tension add depth to the scene and keep the audience guessing.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Cole races against time to find the secret army and locate the deadly virus. The outcome of his mission could determine the fate of humanity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, conflicts, and character dynamics. It sets up future events and keeps the audience engaged in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions and the unfolding events. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will develop.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in the importance of finding a cure for the virus and saving humanity, contrasted with the skepticism and disbelief of others, such as Railly.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to hope, as the characters navigate through a dangerous and uncertain world. The emotional depth adds layers to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. It also builds tension and suspense throughout the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, compelling character dynamics, and high stakes. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience invested in the story and eager to see what happens next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, maintaining a sense of urgency, and allowing for moments of introspection and character development. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness and keep the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Cole puzzling over a vending machine to a TV showing Railly, which may confuse the audience.
  • The dialogue between Cole and Railly feels a bit rushed and lacks depth in exploring the complexities of their relationship and the gravity of the situation.
  • The exposition about the Army of The Twelve Monkeys and the virus feels a bit forced and could be integrated more naturally into the conversation.
  • The emotional impact of Cole's prediction about people dying from the virus next month is not fully explored, leaving the audience disconnected from the gravity of the situation.
  • The sudden interruption of the radio news bulletin about the boy trapped in a well feels disjointed and doesn't add much to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between Cole puzzling over the vending machine and the TV showing Railly to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Allow more room for the dialogue between Cole and Railly to develop organically, delving deeper into their emotions, motivations, and the stakes of their mission.
  • Integrate the exposition about the Army of The Twelve Monkeys and the virus more naturally into the conversation, perhaps through a more engaging and interactive exchange between Cole and Railly.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of Cole's prediction about people dying from the virus next month by exploring the fear, urgency, and desperation in his words and actions.
  • Consider revising or removing the interruption of the radio news bulletin about the boy trapped in a well to maintain focus on the main storyline and character dynamics.



Scene 17 -  Skid Row Stencils
EXT. SKID ROW STREET/PHILADELPHIA - DAY

An elderly EVANGELIST with long stringy hair, wearing a tattered
bathrobe, stands on a Skid Row corner WAVING a worn Bible as he
rants at disinterested DERELICTS, WINOS, and BAG LADIES.

EVANGELIST
"And the wild beasts of the islands
shall cry in their desolate houses and
dragons in their pleasant palaces: and
her time is near to come, and her days
shall not be prolonged."

ANGLE ON RAILLY'S ACURA, crawling down the street, RAILLY driving,
COLE, beside her, staring out the window.

INT. ACURA/SKID ROW STREET

COLE is scrutinizing the crumbling walls, boarded-up store
fronts, tattered posters, decaying signs, miserable "RESIDENTS".

COLE
Where I come from we think of this as Eden.
If we could just see the sun, eat sun-grown
food. Eden! Look at them! They donut
know what they have. They don't see the
sky. They don't feel the air!

COLE'S POV: a BMW speeds toward them, passes, its radio BLARING!

COLE (o.s.)
And the ones who aren't hungry are so smug
they haven't a clue. WAIT! STOP!

EXT. ACURA/SKID ROW

On foot now, COLE pulls an astonished RAILLY to a wall covered with
graffiti, a hopeless tangle of symbols, words, and crude pictures.

Clueless, RAILLY stares at the wall, then at COLE.

COLE touches a bit of red-stenciled graffiti hidden under gang
insignias. We can just see TWELVE MONKEYS holding hands in a circle.

COLE




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The Twelve Monkeys!!! They're here.
(looks around)
Somewhere. Come on!

He pulls her along the sidewalk. No question, he's insane.

At the next alley entrance, COLE stops abruptly. Then, still
keeping a firm grip on RAILLY'S arm, he starts ripping down newly
tacked-up posters announcing a Rap concert.

RAILLY stares at him, then turns and is looking all around when,
suddenly, COLE pulls her up tight and threatens...

COLE
Look, I'm warning you. You do anything,
I'm going to go crazy -- hurt people!

RAILLY
I'm not going to "do" anything, I
promise. But you need help, James.
None of this is what you think it is.

ANGLE ON COLE, not listening, staring triumphantly! He's found
another partially obscured stencil of THE TWELVE MONKEYS!

But just then, a raspy VOICE startles COLE.

RASPY VOICE (o.s)
You can't hide from them, Bob.

COLE whirls, sees a derelict, LOUIE, leering at him, speaking in a
voice eerily like the RASPY VOICE from the next cell in the future.

LOUIE
No, sir, Old Bob -- don't even try.
(conspiratorially)
They hear everything. They got that
tracking device on you. They can find
you anywhere. Anytime. Ha Ha!

RAILLY looks from LOUIS to COLE, sees COLE'S stunned reaction.

LOUIE
(touches his back jaw)
In the tooth, Bob! Right?
(sudden triumphant grin)
But I fooled 'em, old buddy!

He opens his mouth wide. NO TEETH'

COLE grabs RAILLY and pulls her into the alley and down it.

COLE
They're keeping an eye on me.

RAILLY
Who's keeping an eye on you?




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COLE
The man...with the voice. I recognized
him. He's from the present. He...

COLE breaks off, freezes as he sees...

there on a brick wall is a stencil of the DANCING MONKEYS

And further on, another red stencil!
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Cole and Railly encounter a Bible-ranting Evangelist and a derelict named Louie while driving through Skid Row. Cole spots red-stenciled graffiti of Twelve Monkeys, heightening his paranoia about being tracked. They discover more stencils in an alley, leading to a sense of unease and dread.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
  • Dynamic between characters
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through its mysterious elements, engaging dialogue, and the dynamic between Cole and Railly. The setting of Skid Row adds a sense of danger and urgency to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of searching for clues related to The Twelve Monkeys in a rundown urban setting is intriguing and sets the stage for further exploration of the film's central mystery. The inclusion of a mysterious voice and graffiti symbols adds depth to the concept.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Cole and Railly follow leads related to The Twelve Monkeys, introducing new elements of mystery and danger. The scene sets up future developments in the story and raises questions about the true nature of The Twelve Monkeys.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and original elements, such as the concept of the Twelve Monkeys and the post-apocalyptic setting, while also exploring complex themes of sanity and perception. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Cole and Railly are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. Cole's paranoia and determination, contrasted with Railly's concern and skepticism, create a compelling dynamic that keeps the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 7

Both Cole and Railly experience a shift in their beliefs and perceptions as they uncover new clues related to The Twelve Monkeys. Cole's paranoia deepens, while Railly's skepticism is challenged, setting the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal in this scene is to find evidence of the Twelve Monkeys and prove his sanity to Railly. This reflects his deeper need for validation and understanding, as well as his fear of being dismissed as insane.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to uncover the truth about the Twelve Monkeys and prevent the spread of the deadly virus. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in the post-apocalyptic world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Cole's belief in The Twelve Monkeys and Railly's skepticism creates tension and suspense in the scene. The presence of the mysterious voice and Louie's warnings add layers of conflict and intrigue.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cole facing internal and external challenges that test his sanity, perception, and beliefs. The mysterious elements introduced, such as the Twelve Monkeys and the tracking device, create obstacles and conflicts that drive the plot forward and keep the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of uncovering the truth about The Twelve Monkeys and the impending danger they represent add urgency and tension to the scene. The characters' lives are at risk as they delve deeper into the mystery.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new clues and mysteries related to The Twelve Monkeys. The search for answers propels the narrative and sets up future developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions, as well as the mysterious elements introduced, such as the presence of the Twelve Monkeys and the tracking device. The audience is left guessing about the true nature of the situation and the characters' motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of sanity and perception. Cole's belief in the existence of the Twelve Monkeys challenges Railly's rationality and understanding of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes feelings of fear, confusion, and hopelessness as Cole and Railly navigate the dangerous streets of Skid Row in search of clues. The sense of impending danger and the mysterious elements contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Cole and Railly is engaging and reveals important information about their motivations and beliefs. The inclusion of the mysterious voice and Louie's cryptic warnings adds depth to the dialogue and enhances the scene's tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and emotional depth. The characters' conflicting goals and beliefs create tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense, building momentum towards the climax, and keeping the audience engaged in the characters' journey. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences adds to the sense of urgency and excitement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow. The visual descriptions and action lines are well-crafted, painting a vivid picture of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that propel the story forward. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, maintaining tension and suspense throughout.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets the tone of the gritty Skid Row environment through the descriptions of the dilapidated buildings and miserable residents.
  • The dialogue between Cole and Railly reveals Cole's delusional beliefs and his obsession with finding the Twelve Monkeys, adding depth to his character.
  • The interaction with the graffiti and the mysterious voice adds an element of mystery and intrigue to the scene.
  • The introduction of the raspy voice and the derelict Louie creates a sense of foreboding and hints at a larger conspiracy surrounding Cole.
  • The scene effectively conveys Cole's paranoia and fear of being tracked, adding to the tension and suspense.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere of Skid Row, such as describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the environment.
  • Further develop the dynamic between Cole and Railly to show her attempts to reason with him and his escalating paranoia.
  • Provide more context or hints about the mysterious voice and its connection to Cole's past or future, to deepen the intrigue and suspense.
  • Explore the theme of surveillance and tracking more explicitly to highlight Cole's fear and the potential threats he faces.
  • Consider adding a subtle foreshadowing or hint about the significance of the Twelve Monkeys symbol to build anticipation for future revelations.



Scene 18 -  Ambush in the Alley
EXT. VACANT LOT - MOMENTS LATER (DAY)

CRACKHEADS huddle against a building, sucking their pipes,
oblivious to COLE pulling RAILLY past.

COLE scans the walls for messages in the confusion of graffiti.

RAILLY is considering her surroundings dubiously when, suddenly,
COLE pulls her toward the mouth of a dark and forbidding alley.

RAILLY
James, no -- we shouldn't be here!

COLE ignores her, yanking her after him into the alley.

INT. DARK ALLEY - DAY

Two TOM CATS face off, arching their backs and HISSING menacingly.

COLE avoids them as he pulls RAILLY into the gloom.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, seeing something alarming twenty yards ahead!

RAILLY'S POV: TWO THUGS, standing over a MAN, kicking him.

RAILLY tries to stop, but COLE, intent on the wall messages,
doesn't notice the THUGS.

The TWO THUGS turn and spot COLE and RAILLY moving toward them.

These creeps have mean eyes, predator faces.

RAILLY digs her heels in, forcing COLE to stop.

RAILLY
James! We have to go back. Those men...

Too late. While COLE turns and stares at her, uncomprehending,
the TWO THUGS are approaching.

FIRST THUG
Hey, buddy.

Startled, COLE turns to face them.

The SECOND THUG lunges for RAILLY'S purse, yanks it from her.




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COLE reaches to grab it back, but...WHACK! The FIRST THUG smacks
COLE hard across the face with something metallic.

Bloody-faced, dazed, COLE doesn't even have a chance to clear his
head as the FIRST THUG shoves the hard object against COLE'S
cheek. It's a cheap thirty-eight pistol.

RAILLY turns to run, gets two steps before the SECOND THUG knocks
her roughly to the ground.

SECOND THUG
Stick around, bitch.

Looming over her, the SECOND THUG starts to unzip his fly.
RAILLY looks over to COLE, SEES...

COLE dropping to his knees, groveling at the FIRST THUG'S feet.

COLE
Please! Please don't hurt me!

The FIRST THUG steps close, kicks COLE contemptuously, cocks his
foot for a second kick when...

COLE uncoils, lunging, rising, his strong arms around the bigger
man's calves, lifting him mightily, high off the ground.

The gun FIRES wildly as COLE staggers forward with the FIRST THUG
in his arms and smashes the man into the brick wail behind him.
The FIRST THUG goes down in a heap, dropping the pistol.

Zipping his fly hastily, the SECOND THUG turns to deal with COLE
but COLE attacks him....rocking him again and again with savage
blows that come one after another with lightning speed. The SECOND
THUG staggers back, bloody and dazed as RAILLY watches, amazed.

Turning back to the FIRST THUG, COLE sees the MAN reaching for
the dropped pistol.

COLE kicks him viciously in the jaw. The FIRST THUG'S head whips
back. SNAP! He collapses against the brick wall.

COLE turns back to see the SECOND THUG retreating down the alley
as fast as he can stagger.

RAILLY stares up at COLE. He looks very dangerous. He glances
in her direction as he pockets the pistol.

COLE
Are you hurt?

RAILLY
Uh, no. Yes. I mean, just some scrapes...

As RAILLY gets to her feet, she sees COLE bend over the
motionless THUG and quickly go through his pockets.




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RAILLY
Is he...alive?

COLE ignores the question as he pockets the man's wallet and a
handful of bullets, then turns and snaps at RAILLY.

COLE
Come an. We're running out of time.
You can't help him.

As COLE yanks her roughly away, she looks back, sees the FIRST
THUG'S sightless eyes, wide open...staring blankly.

RAILLY
Oh, Jesus, James! You killed him!

COLE
I did him a favor. Now come on.

COLE, pulling her again, sees more "12 MONKEYS" on the wall.

RAILLY
You didn't have a gun before, did you?

COLE
I've got one now.
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama","Action"]

Summary Cole and Railly are attacked by two thugs in a dark alley. Cole fights back and kills one of them, saving Railly. They flee the scene with the dead thug's wallet and bullets.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Potentially triggering content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, suspenseful, and action-packed, with a high level of conflict and emotional impact. It moves the story forward significantly and showcases character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a violent confrontation in a dark alley adds tension and danger to the scene. It highlights the darker aspects of Cole's character and challenges Railly's perception of him.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Cole and Railly face a dangerous situation in the alley, leading to a significant turning point in their relationship. The scene adds depth to the characters and sets up future events.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to a familiar situation of a confrontation in a dark alley, with unexpected twists and turns that keep the audience engaged.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cole and Railly are tested in this scene, revealing new facets of their personalities. Cole's violent actions show a different side of him, while Railly's reactions demonstrate her resilience and strength.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cole and Railly undergo significant changes in this scene, with Cole revealing a darker, more violent side to his character, and Railly being forced to confront the harsh realities of their situation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and the woman he is with, showcasing his survival instincts and willingness to take risks to ensure their safety.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate through a dangerous situation and escape unharmed, reflecting the immediate challenge of facing armed thugs in a dark alley.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and physical, with Cole and Railly facing off against dangerous thugs. The escalating tension and violence drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing armed thugs in a dangerous situation where the outcome is uncertain.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Cole and Railly face physical danger and must fight for their survival. The threat of violence and the unpredictable nature of the situation add tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, setting up new challenges and conflicts for the characters. It propels the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns of events, such as the protagonist's sudden display of strength and violence to overcome the thugs.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's willingness to resort to violence to protect himself and others, contrasting with the societal norms of non-violence and compassion.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the characters are pushed to their limits in a life-threatening situation. The fear, tension, and shock experienced by Cole and Railly are palpable.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is intense and impactful, reflecting the high-stakes situation. It effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, high stakes, and unexpected twists that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation that resolves the conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue that enhance the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene is intense and action-packed, with a lot of physical conflict and violence. It may be too graphic and violent for some audiences.
  • The sudden shift from Cole being attacked to him overpowering the thugs may feel abrupt and unrealistic.
  • The dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the tension and danger of the situation.
  • The portrayal of violence and the aftermath of the fight could be handled with more sensitivity and depth.
  • The scene raises ethical questions about the use of violence and the consequences of taking a life.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down the graphic violence to make the scene more palatable for a wider audience.
  • Add more emotional depth and character development to show the impact of the violence on Cole and Railly.
  • Explore the moral and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters in a more nuanced way.
  • Focus on the psychological impact of the violent encounter on both Cole and Railly.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection or introspection for the characters to process the events that transpired.



Scene 19 -  Confrontation at Animal Rights Office
EXT. SECOND AVE - DAY

The EVANGELIST, spotting COLE and RAILLY hurrying past him,
points urgently at COLE.

EVANGELIST
You! You! You're one of us, aren't you?

But COLE has stopped and is staring at...

A STOREFRONT OFFICE...its windows covered with posters. The sign
over the office says, FREEDOM FOR ANIMALS ASSOCIATION.

INT. FAA STORE - MOMENTS LATER (DAY)

Earnest young activists, FALE, deathly pale, BEN, long haired,
and TEDDY, muscular, are gathered around a counter collating
leaflets that demand an END TO SPECIEISM. Behind them, a large
poster proclaims, "ANIMALS HAVE SOULS, TOO". Just then, there's
a tremendous CLAP OF THUNDER as the ACTIVISTS look up and see
COLE and RAILLY enter.

COLE looks startled. It sounds like torrential RAIN POURING in
here. Maintaining a tight grip on RAILLY'S wrist, he looks
around frantically for an explanation for the tropical downpour.

Bookshelves line two walls. The front window is blanked cut with
posters of Animal Rights demonstrations, newspaper clippings,
photos of animal atrocities. The fourth wall features the




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counter where the three ACTIVISTS face COLE as a JUNGLE BIRD
SCREAMS in the DOWNPOUR.

FALE
Uh, can we help you?

COLE looks confused as the RAIN abates and an ELEPHANT trumpets
an urgent warning.

FALE
Excuse me. You looking for something
in particular?

RAILLY
It's all right, James -- it's just a tape.

COLE'S eyes follow her look. It's a tape recorder underneath a
sign advertising, "THE TRUE MUSIC OF THE WORLD".

COLE
I, uh, I'm looking for the, ah, the
Army of the Twelve Monkeys.

FALE glances at BEN and TEDDY. "We have a problem!" the look says.
MONKEYS start CHATTERING on the tape as TEDDY comes around the
counter, bigger than COLE, physically imposing, menacing.

TEDDY
We don't know anything about any "Army
of the Twelve Monkeys", so why don't
you and your friend disappear, okay?

COLE backs away, a firm grip on RAILLY, as a LION ROARS.

COLE
I just need some information...

TEDDY
Didn't you hear me? We're not...

TEDDY breaks off mid-sentence...freezes.

COLE is pointing a pistol at them. A TIGER SNARLS.

RAILLY
James, no -- don't hurt them.
(to the activists)
Please, I'm a psychiatrist -- just do
whatever he tells you to do. He's...
upset -- disturbed. Please -- he's
dangerous -- just cooperate.

MONKEYS CHATTER wildly as TEDDY backs up.

FALE
What do you want -- money? We only
have a few bucks.




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COLE is suddenly very much in charge and self-confident again. A
BABOON HOWLS with laughter.

COLE
I told you what I want.
(snaps at Railly)
Lock the door!

RAILLY
James, why don't we...?

COLE
Lock it now!

RAILLY hurries to the door to lock it as BEN says to FALE,

BEN
I told you that fuckhead Mason would
get us into something like this.

FALE
Shut up!

COLE
Mason???

RAILLY
Jeffrey Mason?

BEN
Yeah, tucking, crazy Jeffrey Mason.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Cole and Railly seek information about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys at an animal rights office, but are met with resistance. Cole's aggressive interrogation, including pointing a gun, forces the activists to comply.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Intriguing plot elements
  • Complex characters
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be confusing for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension, and introduces intriguing plot elements.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a secret organization, time travel, and a mission to prevent a deadly virus adds depth and complexity to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with a clear goal for the characters and a sense of urgency.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the theme of time travel and ethical dilemmas, blending elements of science fiction with social commentary on animal rights activism. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are intriguing, with hidden motives and conflicting emotions.

Character Changes: 7

Cole experiences a shift in confidence and determination during the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find information about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys. This reflects his deeper desire to uncover the truth and fulfill his mission.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about the Army of the Twelve Monkeys. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his mission to prevent a future disaster.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict between the characters, adding to the tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing resistance from the animal rights activists and having to navigate a tense and dangerous situation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters are involved in a dangerous mission to prevent a deadly virus outbreak.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new plot elements and raising the stakes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's mission and the beliefs of the animal rights activists. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and values, as he must navigate the ethical implications of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and curiosity in the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue, suspenseful atmosphere, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene starts with an intriguing setup as Cole and Railly enter the animal rights office, but the transition from the tropical downpour to the tape recorder and the mention of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys feels disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Cole, Railly, and the activists lacks depth and complexity, making the interaction feel superficial and rushed.
  • The sudden shift in Cole's demeanor from confused to self-confident when he pulls out a gun is not fully justified or explained, leaving the audience questioning his character development.
  • The tension in the scene could be heightened by exploring the motivations and emotions of the characters more deeply, especially in the face of a potentially dangerous situation.
  • The introduction of Jeffrey Mason at the end of the scene feels abrupt and could benefit from more context or build-up to create a stronger impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between the tropical downpour and the tape recorder to create a smoother flow of events.
  • Develop the dialogue to add layers to the characters and their interactions, making the scene more engaging and realistic.
  • Provide clearer motivation for Cole's actions and decisions, ensuring they are consistent with his character arc and the overall narrative.
  • Explore the emotional dynamics between the characters to increase the tension and suspense in the scene, adding depth to their relationships and conflicts.
  • Build up the introduction of Jeffrey Mason to create anticipation and intrigue, setting the stage for future developments in the story.



Scene 20 -  Interrogation in the Basement
INT. FAA STORE BASEMENT - TWENTY MINUTES LATER (DAY)

The three ACTIVISTS are tied tightly together in the middle of
the floor in this dimly-lit, windowless basement. They're very
frightened, eager to cooperate.

FALE
Then, Jeffrey becomes like this...big
star -- the media latch on to him
because he's picketing his own father,
a "famous Nobel Prize winning virologist".
You musta seen all that on TV.

COLE
No, I don't watch TV.

COLE, the gun next to him, rummages through boxes of papers while
RAILLY watches helplessly. Suddenly, COLE finds something he
thinks he's seen before. He holds it up.

COLE
Is this him -- Dr. Mason?

It's a photograph of DR. MALCOLM MASON, being escorted by a




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phalanx of riot cops through a mob of raging activists.

FALE
That's him.

BEN
(very frightened)
What are you going to do with us?

COLE
(stares at the photo, then)
Tell me more about Jeffrey.

FALE
(a helpless shrug to his cohorts)
Jeffrey started getting bored with the
shit we do...picketing, leafleting,
letter-writing stuff. He said we were,
"ineffectual liberal jerkoffs". He
wanted to do guerrilla "actions" to
"educate" the public.

COLE holds up a clipping showing horrified SENATORS standing on
their desks as RATTLESNAKES slither along the Senate Floor.

FALE
Yeah, that's when he let a hundred
snakes loose in the Senate.

TEDDY
But we weren't into that kind of stuff.
It's counter productive, we told him.

FALE
So he and eleven others split off and
became this underground..."army"

COLE
The Army of The Twelve Monkeys.

BEN
They started planning a "Human Hunt".

TEDDY
They bought stun guns and nets and bear
traps. They were gonna go to Wall
Street and trap lawyers and bankers...

BEN
But they didn't do it. They didn't do
any of it.

TEDDY
Yeah, just like always, Mr. Big Shot
sold his friends out!

COLE




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What's that mean?

FALE
He goes on TV, gives a news conference,
tells the whole world he just realized
his daddy's experiments are vital for
humanity and that the use of animals is
absolutely necessary and that he, Jeffrey
Mason, from now on, is going to personally
supervise the labs to make sure all the
little animals aren't going to suffer.

COLE
(holding up a rolodex)
What's this?
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit basement, three activists are held captive by Cole, an armed interrogator. He demands information about Jeffrey Mason and the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, a radical group. The activists reveal Jeffrey's disillusionment with protests and his formation of the group. However, they also expose his betrayal by endorsing his father's animal experiments, leading to their arrest. The scene ends with Cole continuing the interrogation, leaving the activists' fate uncertain.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Revealing plot developments
  • High stakes and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, suspenseful, and reveals crucial information about the plot and characters. It keeps the audience on edge with the tense interactions and the unfolding of the Army of The Twelve Monkeys' activities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the Army of The Twelve Monkeys and their radical actions adds depth to the story and raises the stakes for the characters. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens as Cole and Railly uncover more about the Army of The Twelve Monkeys and their plans. The scene advances the narrative by providing key information and escalating the tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique and unpredictable elements such as radical activism, media manipulation, and personal betrayal. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Cole and Railly, show determination and resourcefulness in this scene. The activists add complexity to the story with their conflicting views and interactions with Cole.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between the characters evolve as they navigate the dangerous situation. Cole and Railly show resilience and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand the motivations and actions of Jeffrey, the leader of the activist group. This reflects Cole's curiosity and desire to uncover the truth behind the group's activities.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information about Jeffrey and the Army of The Twelve Monkeys to potentially stop their radical actions. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a dangerous and unpredictable group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high in this scene, with the tied-up activists, the presence of a gun, and the revelation of the Army of The Twelve Monkeys' plans. Tensions are palpable, and the stakes are raised.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the characters' interactions. The uncertainty of the characters' fates adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in this scene, with the tied-up activists, the presence of a gun, and the revelation of the Army of The Twelve Monkeys' radical plans. The characters are in a dangerous and precarious situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the Army of The Twelve Monkeys and setting up future conflicts. It propels the narrative towards a climactic confrontation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions and revelations of the characters. The shifting dynamics and motivations add to the scene's unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of activism, radicalism, and personal responsibility. Cole's questioning of Jeffrey's actions challenges the values and beliefs of the activist group.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and curiosity in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters and their predicament. The high stakes and tense atmosphere heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and revealing, providing insight into the characters' motivations and the unfolding plot. It effectively conveys the urgency and danger of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, dramatic revelations, and character dynamics. The suspenseful atmosphere keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character interactions, dialogue, and plot progression. It effectively builds tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene is intense and filled with tension, which is effective in creating a sense of urgency and danger.
  • The dialogue between Cole and the activists provides important information about Jeffrey Mason and the Army of The Twelve Monkeys, but it could be more concise and focused.
  • There is a good use of visual elements such as the photograph of Dr. Mason and the clipping showing the snakes in the Senate, which adds depth to the scene.
  • The dynamic between Cole, Railly, and the activists is well portrayed, with Cole taking charge and Railly feeling helpless in the situation.
  • The scene effectively sets up the backstory of Jeffrey Mason and his transformation from a peaceful activist to a more radical figure.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to make it more impactful and concise, focusing on key information about Jeffrey Mason and the Army of The Twelve Monkeys.
  • Explore ways to enhance the visual elements in the scene to further engage the audience and create a more immersive experience.
  • Continue to build on the tension and suspense in the scene to keep the audience on the edge of their seats.
  • Ensure that the interactions between Cole, Railly, and the activists remain authentic and true to the characters' motivations and emotions.
  • Consider adding more layers to the characters' motivations and conflicts to deepen the complexity of the scene.



Scene 21 -  The Rescuers
EXT. FREEWAY - AFTERNOON

In the crawling traffic, WE FIND a battered FORD covered with
bumper stickers and painted slogans. "I BRAKE FOR ANIMALS"...
"FREE THE ANIMALS"..."WOULD YOU LET A MINK WEAR YOUR SKIN?"

RAILLY (v.o.)
You can't just barge in on a famous
scientist. They'll have security guards,
gates, alarm systems. It's insane, James.

INT. MOVING FORD/FREEWAY

A ROLODEX CARD with an address on "Outerbridge Road" for "Jeffrey
Mason c/o Dr. Malcolm Mason" rests on a map spread across COLE'S
lap. COLE is in the passenger seat, RAILLY'S at the wheel,
maneuvering in heavy traffic.

RAILLY
If those young men don't get loose,
they could die in that basement.

COLE glances out the window, indicates the PEOPLE in passing
cars...COMMUTERS, FAMILIES, TRUCKERS.

COLE
All I see are dead people. Everywhere.
What's three more?

RAILLY
(a beat, carefully, a new tack)
You know Dr. Mason's son, Jeffrey
Mason, don't you, James? You met him
in the County Hospital six years ago.

COLE is studying the map again.

COLE
The guy was a total fruitcake.

RAILLY




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
And he told you then his father was a
famous virologist.

COLE is absorbed in the map, his finger tracing "Outerbridge Road".

COLE
No -- he said his father was "God"!

EXT./INT. FORD/COUNTRY HIGHWAY - LATER (DAY)

The RADIO BLARES a country song as the Ford zips along an open
highway. COLE has his head out the window, sucking air, loving
the music, but his bliss is feverish now -- he's not well. As
the SONG ends, he pulls his head inside. An ANNOUNCER'S VOICE
intones over the RADIO...

RADIO ANNOUNCER (o.s.)
This just in: police are widening
their search for Dr. Kathryn Railly,
prominent psychiatrist and author.
Authorities confirm that Dr. Railly has
been abducted by escaped mental patient,
James Cole. The two are believed to be
traveling in Railly's 1992 black Acura,
license plate H-E-A-D-D-R.

RAILLY glances at him, sees he's in pain. She feels so badly for
him. She wants to help him. She says, tenderly...

RAILLY
This can't go on, James. You're not
well. You're burning with fever.

COLE, refusing to succumb, instead, leans over to check the gas gauge.

COLE
We need gas.

RAILLY
I thought you didn't know how to drive.

COLE
I said I was too young to drive. I
didn't say I was stupid.

RAILLY
What's the matter with your leg?

COLE
I got shot. Look -- there's a gas
station up ahead.

RAILLY
Shot! Who shot you?

COLE
It was some kind of...war. Never mind,




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
you wouldn't believe me. Turn off here.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Cole and Railly discuss their plan to rescue young men from a basement. While Cole is reckless and unconcerned, Railly worries about his health. They arrive at a gas station where Cole reveals he has been shot.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystery and intrigue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces high stakes, and keeps the audience engaged with emotional depth and mystery.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of characters on the run, facing danger and uncertainty, is well-executed with a mix of suspense, emotion, and mystery.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the characters navigate through a dangerous situation, revealing more about their past and motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the protagonist's deteriorating health, the urgency of the mission, and the philosophical conflict between characters. The dialogue feels authentic and drives the plot forward.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with complex emotions and motivations driving their actions.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes as they navigate through the dangerous situation, revealing more about themselves and their motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to save the young men in the basement and to continue his mission despite his deteriorating health. This reflects his deeper desire to fulfill his purpose and make a difference, as well as his fear of failing or being unable to complete his mission.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find Dr. Mason's son, Jeffrey Mason, and locate Dr. Malcolm Mason. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating through heavy traffic and finding the correct address.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as the characters are on the run, facing danger, and dealing with past traumas.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from external forces such as traffic, health issues, and the pursuit of authorities. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters are on the run, facing danger, and dealing with past traumas that could have serious consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new information, advancing the plot, and deepening the characters' arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue, the protagonist's deteriorating health, and the shifting dynamics between characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's belief in the importance of his mission and the value of human life, contrasted with Railly's concern for his well-being and her belief in the need for medical attention.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from tension to sympathy, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The tension between characters and the urgency of the mission keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension throughout. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and drives the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and character names. The dialogue is formatted correctly and enhances the readability of the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear action lines, dialogue, and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the high stakes involved. The dialogue between Cole and Railly feels somewhat disconnected from the gravity of the situation.
  • The transition between the conversation about Jeffrey Mason and the radio announcement about Dr. Railly's abduction feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Cole's feverish state and pain are mentioned but not fully explored or utilized to create a sense of urgency or vulnerability in the character.
  • The revelation of Cole being shot and referencing a war feels disjointed and could be integrated more seamlessly into the conversation with Railly.
  • The scene could benefit from more emotional depth and character development to engage the audience and enhance the impact of the unfolding events.
Suggestions
  • Consider ramping up the tension and urgency in the scene to reflect the gravity of the situation. This can be achieved through tighter dialogue and character interactions.
  • Explore Cole's feverish state and pain in more detail to add layers to his character and create a sense of vulnerability and urgency.
  • Smooth out the transition between different elements of the scene, such as the conversation about Jeffrey Mason and the radio announcement, to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Integrate Cole's revelation of being shot and referencing a war more organically into the conversation with Railly to enhance the emotional impact and depth of the scene.
  • Focus on developing the emotional dynamics between Cole and Railly to create a more engaging and impactful scene that resonates with the audience.



Scene 22 -  Confrontation at the Gas Station
INT. PARKED FORD/GAS STATION - MINUTES LATER (AFTERNOON)

The GAS STATION ATTENDANT checks the oil while COLE and RAILLY
remain in the car. She's pulling a gas card from her wallet.

COLE
You were going to run out off gas on
purpose, weren't you?

RAILLY
No. I want you to turn yourself in, James --
It'll go much better for you if you do
-- but I'm not going to trick you.

COLE
(sees the credit card)
That has your name on it. Give him cash.

RAILLY puts the card back into her wallet and pulls out cash as
the GAS STATION ATTENDANT slams the hood down.

RAILLY starts opening the door. Alarmed, COLE tries to stop her.

COLE
Where are you going?

She looks him in the eye, then indicates the tiny Convenience
Store appended to the Gas Station.

RAILLY
You can come with me. I have to get
some things. Scissors, bandages, some
alcohol or whiskey. ... I have to look
at your leg, James. I'm a doctor.

COLE looks helpless, hesitant. She's in charge...for the moment.

EXT. CLEARING/WOODS - AN HOUR LATER (AFTERNOON)

The sun dazzles through the canopy of leaves. We HEAR the CAR
RADIO but not the engine.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (v.o.)
Meanwhile in Fresno, where mining
engineers continue their desperate
attempt to sink a shaft parallel to the
ant in which nine year old...

COLE, in his underwear, leans back on a large rock beside the
Ford, his pants hanging on the car's open door. He's staring up
at the sun and the sky. RAILLY finishes bandaging his thigh.

RAILLY
You shouldn't put your weight on it.
You need stitches and antibiotics.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
Lucky for you it was near the surface.

RAILLY wraps the bullet in some gauze and sticks it in her pocket
while COLE continues staring up at the sky.

COLE
I love seeing the sun.

A beat. COLE tries to stand up.

RAILLY
Wait -- let me help you.

RAILLY puts an arm around him and helps him to his feet. A beat.
They're very close. They don't move. RAILLY looks like she can
barely breathe.

COLE
(leans closer, shuts his eyes)
You smell so good.

RAILLY
(trying to concentrate)
You have to give yourself up, you know.

A beat. The spell is broken. He reaches for his pants, then
turns back to her, suddenly grim.

COLE
I have to do something now. Something
I don't want to do. I'm so sorry.

RAILLY reacts, sudden fear in her eyes. He looms over her. He's
cold now, steeled.

COLE
I have a mission. It's important.

RAILLY steps back...horrified, realizing she's going to die.

EXT. MASON MANSION - NIGHT

A SECRET SERVICE AGENT ambles vigilantly among the rows of luxury
cars parked beside the brightly-lit rural mansion. Encountering
another AGENT, he pauses.

FIRST AGENT
They find him?

SECOND AGENT
Who??

FIRST AGENT
That kid. The one in the pipe.

SECOND AGENT
You believe this? They're dropping a monkey




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down there with a miniature infra-red camera
strapped on him and a roast beef sandwich
wrapped in tinfoil.

FIRST AGENT
You're making that up!

ANGLE UNDER A PARKED MERCEDES, where COLE is hiding, listening to
the receding VOICES of the AGENTS.

SECOND AGENT (o.s.)
I shit you not. ... Man, life is weird!
A monkey and a sandwich. Wonder who
thought that one up.

FIRST AGENT (o.s.)
Probly give the sonafabitch a Nobel
Prize!

Quickly, COLE rolls to the next car and under it. He doesn't
see...the pistol fell out of his pocket, under the Mercedes.

INT. MASON MANSION/DINING ROOM - NIGHT

A formal dinner for forty. Desert has been served. DR. MALCOLM
MASON rises to the enthusiastic applause of the GUESTS.

DR. MASON
Would that I could enjoy this opulent
dinner and this excellent and
stimulating company for itself, with no
sense of purpose. But alas, I am
"burdened" with the sense that with all
this excess of public attention and
this cacophony of praise, there comes
great responsibility. Indeed, I
practically feel a soapbox growing
under my feet whenever I stand for more
than a few seconds.

While GUESTS laugh at DR. MASON'S last remark, SECRET SERVICE
AGENT #3 enters the room, scowling, looking for someone.

DR. MASON (o.s.)
The dangers of science are a time worn
threat, from Prometheus stealing fire
from the Gods to the Cold War era of
the Dr. Strangelove Terror.

AGENT #3 spots who he's looking for. JEFFREY MASON!

DR. MASON (cont.)
But never before, not even at Los Alamos
when the scientists made bets on whether
their first atomic bomb test would wipe out
New Mexico, has science given us so much
reason to fear the power we have at hand.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
ANGLE ON JEFFREY, as AGENT #3 whispers in his ear.

JEFFREY
What are you talking about? What
friend? I'm not expecting anyone.

ANGLE ON DR. MASON, reacting with irritation to the disturbance.

DR. MASON
Current genetic engineering as well as
my own work with viruses has presented
us with powers as terrifying as any...

ANGLE ON JEFFREY, following the AGENT out of the dining room,
grumbling loudly enough to disturb his father's audience.

JEFFREY
This is ridiculous. My father is
making a major address.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Sci-Fi"]

Summary At a gas station, Railly urges Cole to surrender. They tend to his wound in the woods, where Cole's behavior abruptly shifts, revealing his true intentions. Railly, terrified, realizes she may be in peril.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Plot advancement
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Some predictable elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension, reveals character depth, and advances the plot, making it a strong and engaging moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Cole's mission, his internal conflict, and the revelation of his true intentions are well-executed and add depth to the overall story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Cole's true mission is revealed and the stakes are raised, leading to a crucial turning point in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the protagonist's internal struggle and the philosophical conflict, adding depth to the familiar setting of a gas station and a rural mansion. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cole and Railly are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting motivations and emotions adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Cole undergoes a significant change in this scene as he reveals his true intentions and makes a difficult decision, showcasing a new side to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his mission and the actions he must take, despite his personal feelings and the impact on those around him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evade capture by the Secret Service agents and continue with his mission.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Cole's mission and Railly's desire for him to surrender creates a high level of tension and suspense, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges and obstacles that keep the audience guessing.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Cole grapples with his mission, the threat of capture, and the potential consequences of his actions, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Cole's mission, raising the stakes, and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and decisions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between personal morality and duty. The protagonist must grapple with his own desires and the greater purpose he believes he serves.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, as Cole's internal struggle and the high stakes involved evoke strong feelings of fear, determination, and regret.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional conflict between Cole and Railly, but could benefit from more nuanced exchanges to further enhance the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the emotional depth of their interactions, and the sense of impending danger.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing action, dialogue, and introspection, creating a sense of tension and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the gas station to the woods, making the shift in setting feel abrupt and disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Cole and Railly at the gas station could be more impactful and emotionally charged to convey the tension and stakes of the situation.
  • The sudden change in Cole's demeanor from vulnerable and hesitant to cold and determined when he reveals his mission feels rushed and could benefit from more gradual character development.
  • The physical intimacy between Cole and Railly as she tends to his wound could be portrayed with more subtlety and nuance to build tension and suspense.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Cole's ominous declaration of having to do something he doesn't want to do, but the transition to the next setting at the Mason Mansion feels disjointed and could be smoother.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition or establishing shot to smoothly move from the gas station to the woods, providing a more seamless flow between locations.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Cole and Railly at the gas station to deepen their emotional connection and highlight the conflicting motivations driving their actions.
  • Develop Cole's character arc more gradually to show a more nuanced progression from vulnerability to determination, allowing the audience to better understand his internal conflict.
  • Focus on building the tension and chemistry between Cole and Railly during the intimate moment of tending to his wound, using subtle gestures and expressions to convey their complex relationship dynamics.
  • Improve the transition between the gas station scene and the Mason Mansion setting to create a smoother narrative flow and maintain the suspenseful tone of the scene.



Scene 23 -  Cole and Jeffrey Reunite
INT. HALLWAY/MASON MANSION

The conversation continues as JEFFREY and AGENT #3 enter the hall.

AGENT #3
Normally if we caught a guy sneaking
around like this with no I.D., we'd
bust his ass, excuse the French, but
this one said he knows you...
(smirk, smirk)
-- and, since you seem to have had
some...uh...unusual...uh..."associates",
we certainly didn't want to arrest one
of your, uh, closest...pals.

INT. LIBRARY/MASON MANSION

COLE, smudged with dirt and car grease, sitting in the shadows in
a wingback chair, looks up as JEFFREY and AGENT #3 enter the
room. A FOURTH AGENT looms beside the wingback chair.

JEFFREY
(dismissing Cole casually)
Never saw him before in my life. Go
ahead and shoot him or torture him or
whatever it is you do.

COLE
(rising)
You do know me. You helped me once.

JEFFREY
(turning to leave)
That would be totally out of character.
Helping people is against my principles.
(to the Agents)




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
See, he definitely doesn't know me. Now,
I'm going to go back and listen to my
father's very eloquent discourse on the
perils of science WHILE YOU TORTURE THIS
INTRUDER TO DEATH.

COLE
I'm here about some monkeys.

Halfway out the door, JEFFREY freezes. A beat.

JEFFREY
Excuse me -- what did you say?

COLE
Monkeys. Twelve of them.

JEFFREY frowns, turns, considers COLE. Then, suddenly, JEFFREY
rushes to COLE and embraces him.

JEFFREY
Arnold...Arnold.

COLE is astonished. The AGENTS are, too.

JEFFREY
(stepping back)
My God, Arnie, what's happened to you?
You look like shit

AGENT #3
(dubious)
You know this man?

JEFFREY
Of course I know him. What do you
think -- I act like this to strangers?
Listen -- you fellas are terrific. I
thought you were pulling a number on
me. What a terrible thing if you'd
thrown old Arnie out. I owe you guys
the big apologia! Mea culpa, fellas.
(turning to Cole)
Christ, Arnie, it's black tie! I mean,
I said, "drop by," but, like, this is
Dad's big "do"...vips, senators, secret
service, and...and everything.

JEFFREY throws an arm around COLE'S shoulder and starts leading
him toward the door as the two AGENTS exchange narrow-eyed looks.

AGENT #4
"Arnie?"

JEFFREY
Arnold Pettibone. Old Arnie Pettibone.
Used to be my best friend. Still is.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
What've you lost, Arnie -- forty pounds?
No wonder I didn't know you. You hungry?
Lots of dead cow, dead lamb, dead pig.
Real killer feast we're putting on tonight.

The AGENTS watch JEFFREY lead the limping, disheveled COLE out.

AGENT #4
These people -- all of 'em -- are true
weirdoes!

AGENT #3
(moving to the phone)
I'm gonna call in a description of this
"Pettibone" character. You go keep an
eye on him. Make sure he doesn't do
one of the guests with a fork.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In the hallway, Agent #3 confronts Jeffrey about Cole's claim of knowing him. They enter the library, where Cole confronts Jeffrey about knowing him. Jeffrey initially denies it but embraces Cole as his old best friend, Arnold Pettibone, upon hearing Cole mention monkeys. The agents remain skeptical but decide to keep an eye on Cole. Jeffrey and Cole then leave the library together, leaving the agents behind.
Strengths
  • Intriguing plot developments
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for first-time viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension, and introduces intriguing plot developments that keep the audience hooked.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of hidden identities, unexpected reunions, and the search for truth adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with the revelation of hidden connections and the introduction of new mysteries, driving the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic trope of unexpected reunions and hidden identities, with a mix of dark humor and emotional depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' interactions and revelations add layers to their personalities and motivations, making them more intriguing.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes as hidden connections are revealed and motives are questioned.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his facade of indifference and detachment, while also grappling with feelings of guilt and nostalgia for his past friendship.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to protect his reputation and social standing by disassociating himself from the intruder, while also trying to navigate the unexpected reunion with his old friend.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between hidden identities, conflicting motives, and the search for truth creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and hidden agendas that create tension and uncertainty for the characters and the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of hidden identities, conflicting motives, and the search for truth add urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing new plot developments, raising questions, and deepening the mystery.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in character motivations, unexpected revelations, and the dynamic interactions between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to one's past and present self-image, and the moral obligation to help a friend in need. The protagonist's beliefs about helping others clash with his desire to maintain his aloof persona.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, curiosity, and intrigue, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp, revealing, and adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of tension, humor, and mystery, as well as the unexpected twists and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with well-paced dialogue and character interactions that drive the narrative forward effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and relationships. It's unclear why Jeffrey initially denies knowing Cole but then suddenly embraces him.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially with Jeffrey's sudden change in attitude towards Cole.
  • There is a lack of depth in the interaction between Cole and Jeffrey, making their connection and history seem superficial.
  • The scene could benefit from more subtlety and nuance in portraying the dynamics between the characters.
  • The transition from Jeffrey dismissing Cole to suddenly recognizing him as his old friend feels abrupt and could be better developed.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context or backstory to explain Jeffrey's initial denial of knowing Cole and his sudden change of heart.
  • Work on making the dialogue more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
  • Explore the relationship between Cole and Jeffrey further to add depth and complexity to their interaction.
  • Consider adding layers to the characters' motivations and emotions to make the scene more engaging and believable.
  • Focus on creating a smoother transition between Jeffrey's initial dismissal of Cole and his eventual recognition and embrace.



Scene 24 -  Hallway Confrontation
INT. HALLWAY/MASON MANSION

GUESTS pouring from the dining room into the hall meet JEFFREY
and a very disconcerted COLE.

JEFFREY
Hey, nice ta see ya. Lookin' good! Hi,
there. Yes, it has been a long time.

In the b.g., too far away to hear them, AGENT #4 trails JEFFREY and
COLE as they maneuver through the GUESTS toward the grand staircase.

JEFFREY
(whispers to Cole)
County Hospital, right? 1989. The
"Immaculate Escape" -- am I right?
(smiling to guests)
Why, thank you -- you look wonderful, too.

COLE
Listen to me -- I can't do anything
about what you're going to do. I can't
change anything. I can't stop you. I
just want some information...

JEFFREY
We need to talk. Come on. Upstairs.
(to a guest)
I am a new person! I'm completely
adjusted. Witness the tux. It's Armani.
(whispers to Cole)
Who chattered? Goines? Weller?

COLE
I just need to have access to the pure
virus, that's all! For the future!

JEFFREY studies COLE. COLE doesn't just talk crazy. He looks crazy!




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
JEFFREY
Come on, follow me. You don't lock so good.

JEFFREY starts guiding COLE up the grand staircase as COLE, glancing
back, spots AGENT #3 and AGENT #4, both keeping an eye on him now.

COLE
I don't have time to go upstairs. The
police are looking for me. I need to
know where it is and exactly what it is.

JEFFREY
(brightening suddenly)
I get it! This is your old plan, right?

COLE
Plan? What are you talking about?

JEFFREY
Remember? We were in the dayroom,
watching TV, and you were all upset
about the...desecration of the planet.
And you said to me, "Wouldn't it be
great if there was a germ or a virus
that could wipe out mankind and leave
the plants and animals just as they
are?" You do remember that, don't you?

COLE
Bulishit! You're fucking with my head!

JEFFREY
And that's when I told you my father was
this famous virologist and you said, "Hey,
he could make a germ and we could steal it!"

COLE
(grabbing Jeffrey)
Listen, you dumb fuck! The thing mutates
We live underground! The world belongs
to the fucking dogs and cats. We're
like moles or worms. All we want to do
is study the original...

AGENT #4'S VOICE
Okay -- take it easy. We know who you
are, Mr. Cole.

COLE feels a firm grip on his shoulder, turns and sees AGERT #4

AGENT #4
Let's go somewhere and talk this thing
over. Okay? Just come with me...

JEFFREY
You're right! Absolutely right. Me's
a nut case, totally deranged. Delusional!




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
Paranoid. HIS PROCESSOR'S ALL FUCKED
UP, HIS INFORMATION TRAY IS JAMMED.

AGENT #4 is wishing JEFFREY would chill out even as the THIRD
AGENT is climbing up the staircase to help.

COLE is like a trapped animal. He's being led down the staircase
now with JEFFREY, right on his heels, yelling so EVERYONE can hear.

JEFFREY
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, THE "ARMY OF THE
TWELVE MONKEYS"? IT'S A COLLECTION OF
NATURE KOOKS WHO RUN A STORE DOWNTOWN.
SPACE-CASE DO-GOODERS SAVING RAIN
FORESTS. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH
THOSE BOZOS ANYMORE. I QUIT BEING THE
RICH KID FALL GUY FOR A BUNCH OF
INEFFECTUAL BANANAS. SO MUCH FOR YOUR
GRAND PLOT!

COLE stares back at JEFFREY as both AGENTS hustle COLE down the
stairs. It sounds true! JEFFREY'S so confident.

AGENT #3
Take it easy, Mr. Mason, we've got him.
Everything's...

JEFFREY
MY FATHER HAS BEEN WARNING PEOPLE ABOUT
THE DANGERS OF EXPERIMENTATION WITH
VIRUSES AND DNA FOR YEARS. YOU'VE
"PROCESSED" THAT INFORMATION THROUGH
YOUR ADDLED PARANOID INFRA-STRUCTURE AND
LO AND BEHOLD, I'M FRANKENSTEIN AND THE
"ARMY OF THE TWELVE MONKEYS" BECOMES
SOME SORT OF SINISTER REVOLUTIONARY
CABAL. THIS MAN IS TOTALLY BATSHIT! YOU
KNOW WHERE HE THINKS HE COMES FROM???

Suddenly, COLE, catching the AGENTS by surprise, wrenches free,
shoves them aside, and stumbles down the rest of the staircase.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary After a dinner party, Jeffrey and Cole discuss the pure virus in the hallway. Jeffrey is evasive, but Cole is desperate for information. Agents apprehend Cole, but he escapes. Jeffrey tries to convince Cole he's crazy and has nothing to do with the "Army of the Twelve Monkeys," but Cole doesn't believe him.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled confrontation
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of confusion for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, conflict, and emotional depth. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the plot forward and revealing important character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a mysterious virus, underground organizations, and conflicting agendas is intriguing and well-executed in this scene. It adds depth to the overall story and keeps the audience hooked.

Plot: 9

The plot is complex and layered, with multiple storylines converging in this scene. It advances the narrative significantly and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique conflict between characters with differing beliefs about the virus and its implications. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Cole and Jeffrey, are well-developed and their interactions are compelling. Their conflicting motivations and histories add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Both Cole and Jeffrey undergo subtle changes in this scene, revealing new layers to their characters and motivations. Their interactions shape their future decisions and actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal is to obtain information about the pure virus for the future. This reflects his deeper desire to understand and potentially control the virus for his own purposes.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to avoid the police who are looking for him and to find out the location and nature of the virus.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is high, with tensions running high between Cole, Jeffrey, and the agents. The stakes are raised as the characters navigate through a dangerous situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cole facing resistance from Jeffrey and the agents, adding to the uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing imminent danger, conflicting agendas, and uncertain outcomes. The tension is palpable, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts, revelations, and character dynamics. It sets the stage for future developments and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Cole's belief in studying the original virus for the future and Jeffrey's dismissive attitude towards Cole's ideas. This challenges Cole's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, anxiety, and defiance. The characters' emotional turmoil adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience invested in their journey.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals key information about the characters and their motivations. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the rapid dialogue exchanges, escalating conflict, and the sense of urgency in Cole's mission to obtain information about the virus.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and urgency in the interactions between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and escalating tension leading to a climax.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and intentions. It's unclear why Cole is so desperate for information about the pure virus and why Jeffrey is suddenly recalling past conversations with him.
  • The dialogue between Jeffrey and Cole feels forced and unnatural, especially with the sudden shift in Jeffrey's demeanor and the way he reveals information about their past interactions.
  • The scene lacks subtlety in revealing the characters' backstories and relationships. The exposition feels heavy-handed and could be delivered in a more nuanced way.
  • The interaction between Cole, Jeffrey, and the agents lacks depth and complexity. The conflict between them could be more layered and engaging.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and descriptive elements to enhance the atmosphere and tension.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the characters' motivations and intentions to make their actions more believable and engaging.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
  • Find more subtle ways to reveal the characters' backstories and connections without relying on heavy exposition.
  • Add more depth to the conflict between Cole, Jeffrey, and the agents to create a more compelling dynamic.
  • Enhance the scene with visual cues and descriptive elements to create a more immersive and atmospheric setting.



Scene 25 -  Cole's Daring Escape
INT. FOYER/MASON MANSION

COLE heads for the front door, but there's an AGENT there! COLE
turns and limps madly toward the dining room, pushing his way
through the crowd of amazed GUESTS.

INT. DINING ROOM/MASON MANSION

SERVANTS, clearing the table, look up astonished as two AGENTS
burst into the room.

AGENT #4
Did a man just come through here...limping?

INT. KITCHEN/MASON MANSION




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COOKS stare, amazed, as two OTHER AGENTS burst into the kitchen
and look about urgently.

INT. DEN/MASON MANSION

A large projection TV is on and a knot of GUESTS is gathered in
front of it...watching the spooky VIDEO IMAGES.

TV REPORTER (v.o.)
These pictures we are seeing are coming
to us live from deep inside the pipe.
You can just make out the metal wall
behind those roots and I guess those
must be spider webs.

MRS. McCANN, a guest, watching the TV, expresses concern...

MRS. McCANN
Well, if you ask me, I think that monkey
is going to eat the sandwich himself.

Just then, two AGENTS burst into the den.

The GUESTS turn from the TV, startled, stare open-mouthed, but
the AGENTS have spotted an open window and are hurrying to it.

AGENTS POV OUT THE WINDOW: the rows of expensive parked CARS.

ON THE TV SCREEN, RAILLY'S photograph appears.

TV ANCHOR (v.o.)
This just in: Police say that the body of
a woman found strangled in the Knutson state
Park could be kidnap victim, Dr. Kathryn Railly.

As the AGENTS run out of the room, a photo of RAILLY'S abandoned
Acura comes up on the TV screen.

TV ANCHOR (v.o.)
Earlier in the day, police located
Railly's abandoned car not far from a
building where three animal rights
activists were found bound and gagged...

EXT. MASON MANSION - MINUTES LATER (NIGHT)

Pistols drawn, AGENTS move cautiously among the rows of parked
luxury cars, checking inside and under the vehicles.

AN AGENT'S VOICE (o.s.)
COME ON OUT, MR COLE -- WE'RE NOT GOING
TO HURT YOU.

INT. PARKED GREEN JAGUAR

COLE, scrunched down on the floor next to the driver's seat,




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spots the key dangling from the ignition, then lifts his head
slightly to study the shift mechanism, trying to figure it out.

EXT. PARKED CARS/MASON MANSION

AGENTS continue to move cautiously among the parked cars.

INT. PARKED GREEN JAGUAR

COLE eases himself into the driver's seat, tentatively slides the
shift into "Drive", then turns the key. Nothing happens.

Panic. COLE studies the shift again.

EXT. PARKED CARS/MANSION

AGENT #5 approaches the row where the Jaguar is parked.

INT. PARKED GREEN JAGUAR

COLE slides the shift from D (Drive) to N (Neutral). He twists
the key again. The engine ROARS...SEVEN THOUSAND RPM!

EXT. LAWN/MANSION

AGENT #5 whirls at the sound.

SMASH. The JAGUAR clips the Mercedes parked in front of it and
accelerates right at him!

AGENT #5 dives aside just as the speeding JAGUAR whizzes past
him, slams into a parked Cadillac, bounces off, grinds between
two other parked vehicles with a fierce scream of tearing metal.

INT. MOVING JAGUAR

Caught between two cars, COLE can only lean on the gas pedal.

The JAGUAR comes free with a great SCCCREEEEECH...

COLE sees the driveway ahead in the moonlight. Steering madly,
he plows through shrubs and gardens heading for the driveway.

EXT. MASON MANSION - NIGHT

Lights off, veering wildly, the JAGUAR reaches the driveway.

AGENTS are leaping into cars and a HELICOPTER is coming to life,
its rotors whipping around.

INT. SPEEDING JAGUAR/OUTERHRIDGE ?OAD - NIGHT

COLE turns onto the road, careening crazily from one side to the
other, unable to see ahead with no headlights.

COLE
LIGHTS! LIGHTS!




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He starts hitting switches. The wipers come on, the RADIO BLARES.

RADIO REPORTER'S VOICE/RADIO (o.s.)
---when they pulled the monkey out, it
was still clutching the tinfoil wrapped
sandwich.

Rounding a bend, an ONCOMING CAR heads straight at COLE.

COLE yanks the wheel as the OTHER CAR, horn BLARING, just misses him.

Recovering, COLE loses the road, speeds crazily along the shoulder.

INT. FLYING HELICOPTER - NIGHT

The PILOT, an agent, steers the chopper while the CO-PILOT pans a
spotlight over the two lane road beneath them.

Just then, the PILOT sees headlights below.

PILOT
There! He's showing lights.

INT. SPEEDING JAGUAR - NIGHT

COLE can see the road now in his headlights as the windshield
wipers scrape frantically and the RADIO BLARES...

RADIO REPORTER'S VOICE/RADIO (o.s.)
We don't know what to think. They
didn't locate him and they don't know
how much longer he can last, that's
assuming the boy is still alive.

A spotlight hits the car and COLE hears the sound of the
HELICOPTER as it lowers over him!

EXT. OUTERBRIDGE ROAD

The HELICOPTER maneuvers over the speeding JAGUAR.

INT. SPEEDING JAGUAR

COLE can see the underbelly of the HELICOPTER a few feet above
his front windshield.

Desperate, he yanks the wheel hard, veering off the road.

COLE'S POV THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD: dense woods ahead.

EXT. HELICOPTER/WOODS

The chopper pulls up sharply, avoiding the trees, then levels out.

INT. HELICOPTER




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The PILOT skims the top of the trees while the CO-PILOT rakes the
forest below with his spotlight.

PILOT
Goddamnit! Where is he?

The CO-PILOT gets a brief glimpse of headlights through the leaves.

CO-PILOT
There! Over there.

PILOT
Where?
CO-PILOT
Eight o'clock! He was right there.

The headlights are gone. Nothing but darkness below.

PILOT
He musta turned his lights of if.

CO-PILOT
Couldn't drive down there without
lights. We just can't see 'em.

PILOT
Maybe he's not driving!
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Action"]

Summary In the shadows of a secluded mansion, Cole, a fugitive, evades relentless agents. Desperation fuels his escape as he hides in a car, only to be pursued. Amidst the dense woods and enveloping darkness, Cole masterfully navigates without headlights, leaving the agents behind in his wake.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • High-stakes chase
  • Effective pacing and tension
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-executed with a high level of tension, suspense, and action. The stakes are high, and the pacing keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a fugitive on the run from agents in a high-stakes chase is effectively portrayed. The scene effectively conveys the urgency and danger of the situation.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Cole's attempt to escape from the agents and the intense pursuit that follows. The action is well-paced and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its use of high-tech elements like helicopters and projection TVs in a suspenseful chase sequence. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with Cole as the determined fugitive and the agents as the relentless pursuers. Their motivations and actions drive the plot forward.

Character Changes: 6

Cole's character undergoes a change as he is forced to confront the agents and make split-second decisions to escape. The pressure of the situation leads to character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal in this scene is to escape from the agents and avoid capture. This reflects his fear of being caught and his desire to survive and evade capture.

External Goal: 9

Cole's external goal in this scene is to physically escape from the mansion and the pursuing agents. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing as he tries to avoid capture.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Cole and the agents is intense and drives the action of the scene. The high stakes and the pursuit add to the conflict and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the agents providing a formidable obstacle for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is kept in suspense about whether Cole will be able to evade capture.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the scene, including the danger faced by Cole and the intense pursuit by the agents, create a sense of urgency and tension that drives the action forward.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by escalating the conflict, raising the stakes, and setting up the next stage of the narrative. The pursuit adds momentum to the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the chase sequence, keeping the audience guessing about the protagonist's next move.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between the agents, who represent authority and order, and Cole, who represents rebellion and freedom. This conflict challenges Cole's beliefs about authority and his desire for autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of fear, tension, and urgency, leading to an emotional impact on the audience. The danger faced by the characters adds to the emotional intensity.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. It serves to move the action forward and reveal the characters' motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful chase sequence. The audience is kept on the edge of their seats as they root for the protagonist to escape.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace and building tension as the protagonist tries to escape from the agents.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful chase sequence, building tension and escalating the stakes as the protagonist tries to escape from the pursuing agents.


Critique
  • The scene is filled with tension and action, which keeps the audience engaged.
  • The use of multiple locations within the mansion adds depth to the scene and creates a sense of urgency.
  • The escalating chaos and pursuit by the agents create a thrilling atmosphere.
  • The dialogue and visual descriptions effectively convey the frantic nature of the situation.
  • The scene effectively builds suspense as Cole tries to escape from the agents and the helicopter.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Cole to deepen his character development during the intense chase.
  • Provide more context or background information on why Cole is being pursued by the agents to enhance the audience's understanding of the situation.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating flashbacks or memories to further explore Cole's past and motivations.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection or introspection for Cole amidst the chaos to add layers to his character.
  • Ensure a clear resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to leave the audience wanting more.



Scene 26 -  Reunion in the Woods
EXT. WOODS - LATER (NIGHT)

A weather forecast BLARES from the radio of the steaming Jaguar,
crumpled into a tree, the driver's door open.

A POLICE OFFICER, pistol drawn, approaches the car cautiously, as
OTHER OFFICERS and AGENTS stay behind trees, weapons ready.

The POLICE OFFICER lunges forward, pointing his weapon into the
Jaguar. He inspects the car, then turns and calls out...

POLICE OFFICER
He's not in here.

EXT. WOODS/CLEARING - NIGHT

Limping, bleeding from various cuts, COLE CRASHES through
underbrush as he follows a stream through the woods.

Suddenly, he sees what he's looking for.

The FORD...barely visible in the moonlight, parked in the trees
beside the stream. The car looks empty.

INT. TRUNK/FORD

Total blackness! The sound of keys in the lock.

Then, the trunk swings open and COLE stands in the moonlight,




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looking down

RAILLY is in the trunk, tears of rage and frustration in her eyes.

RAILLY
You bastard! You total bastard!

EXT. FORD

COLE backs away, as RAILLY scrambles out of the trunk, swinging.

He slips, falls, and she starts kicking him as she rants hysterically.

RAILLY
I could have died in there. If something
had happened to you I would have died.

COLE is lying on the ground, looking up, his lip caked with blood.

COLE
I...I...I'm really sorry.

Noticing his cuts and torn clothes, she stops kicking him.

RAILLY
What have you done? Did you...kill someone?

COLE
(getting to his feet)
No! I...don't think so. I stole a car
and they chased me. I hit a tree.

RAILLY
See -- you can drive after all!

COLE
Yeah, sort of, I guess. I...I'm sorry
I locked you up. I thought...I thought...
I think maybe I am crazy!

She looks at him. Breakthrough? Very calm now, the doctor.

RAILLY
What made you think that?

COLE
Jeffrey Mason said it was my idea about
the virus. And suddenly, I wasn't
sure. We talked when I was in the
institution, and it was all...fuzzy.
The drugs and stuff.
(horrified)
You think maybe I'm the one who wiped
out the human race? It was my idea?

RAILLY
Nobody is going to wipe out the human




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race. Not you or Jeffrey or anybody
else. You've created something in your
mind, James -- a substitute reality.
In order to avoid something you don't
want to face.

COLE
I'm..."mentally divergent". I would
love to believe that.

RAILLY
It can be dealt with, but only if you
want to. I can help you.

COLE reacts to the sound of VOICES in the woods, dogs BARKING.

COLE
I need help all right. They're coming
after me.

RAILLY
First, it's important that you
surrender to them instead of them
catching you running. Okay?

COLE
(brightening)
It would be great if I'm crazy. If I'm
wrong about everything...the world will be
okay. I'll never have to live underground.

RAILLY
Give me the gun.

COLE
The gun! ... I lost it

RAILLY
You're sure?

COLE
(showing her)
No gun!
(looking up)
Stars! Air! I can live here. Breathe!

RAILLY starts around to the front of the car.

RAILLY
I'm going to attract their attention,
let them know where we are, okay?

RAILLY gets in the driver's seat...and starts to HONK the horn.

RAILLY
(calling out)
They'll tell you to put your hands on top




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of your head. Do what they tell you. You're
going to get better, James -- I know it!

ANGLE ON COLE, spotting something on the ground. An insect! He
reaches down to grab it, but, instead, grins, grabs some grass,
stands, and starts rubbing it happily all over his face. The
HORN BLARES as COLE looks up at the sky.

ANGLE ON THE NIGHT SKY, the moon full, the sky rich with stars.

ANGLE ON COLE, tears of joy running down his face.

COLE
I love this world!

ANGLE ON RAILLY, in the driver's seat, hearing near-by SHOUTS
from the woods. The police are almost here. She gets out of the
car, starts around toward COLE.

RAILLY
Remember, I'm going to help you. I'll
stay with you. I won't let them...

She breaks off mid-sentence...stares, stunned!

COLE is gone. Disappeared.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Cole finds Railly locked in the trunk of the Ford and apologizes. Railly suggests Cole created a substitute reality to avoid facing something he doesn't want to. Cole is relieved and happy to think he may not be responsible for the virus. They hear voices and dogs approaching, and Railly tells Cole to surrender to the police. She attracts their attention by honking the horn and tells Cole she'll help him. Cole spots an insect and starts rubbing grass on his face, expressing joy for the world. However, when Railly turns around, Cole has disappeared.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive or melodramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines tension, emotion, and reflection to create a compelling and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Cole grappling with his sanity and the consequences of his actions is well-executed and adds depth to his character.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Cole and Railly confront each other in the woods, leading to a moment of emotional revelation and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the protagonist's internal conflict and the philosophical questions raised about reality and responsibility. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cole and Railly are well-developed in this scene, with Cole showing vulnerability and introspection, and Railly offering support and guidance.

Character Changes: 8

Cole undergoes a significant change in this scene as he confronts his fears and desires for a better future, showing vulnerability and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his own sanity and the possibility that he may have been responsible for a catastrophic event. This reflects his deeper fears of being mentally unstable and causing harm to others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evade capture by the police and find a way to survive in the wilderness. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing of being hunted by law enforcement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Cole and Railly, as well as Cole's internal struggle with his sanity and past actions, creates tension and drama in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges and obstacles that threaten his survival and sanity. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Cole grapples with his sanity and the consequences of his actions, while Railly offers support and guidance in a tense and emotional confrontation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by advancing Cole's character development and deepening the emotional and thematic elements of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey. The sudden disappearance of the protagonist adds a surprising element to the scene, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle with his own sense of reality and responsibility. He grapples with the idea that he may have caused a global catastrophe and must confront his own mental state.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is high, as Cole expresses vulnerability and fear, while Railly offers support and guidance.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts between Cole and Railly, adding depth to their characters and the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense dialogue, and dramatic character interactions. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's internal and external struggles, creating a sense of suspense and emotional investment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and thematic depth.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as Cole is being pursued by the police and agents, creating a sense of urgency and danger.
  • The emotional dynamics between Railly and Cole are well portrayed, with moments of anger, fear, and vulnerability adding depth to their relationship.
  • The dialogue between Railly and Cole effectively conveys their inner thoughts and struggles, especially regarding Cole's doubts about his sanity and his role in potentially causing harm.
  • The visual descriptions in the scene help set the tone and atmosphere, particularly in the dark woods with the moonlight adding to the sense of mystery and drama.
  • The sudden disappearance of Cole at the end of the scene leaves a strong impact and adds a mysterious element to the narrative, leaving the audience intrigued.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or reflections from Cole to provide deeper insight into his conflicting emotions and thoughts.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating flashbacks or dream sequences to further explore Cole's past experiences and memories that contribute to his current state of mind.
  • Enhance the sense of danger and urgency by intensifying the pursuit by the police and agents, creating a more thrilling and suspenseful atmosphere.
  • Provide more context or hints about Cole's mission and the potential consequences of his actions to increase the stakes and tension in the scene.
  • Consider adding a subtle hint or clue about Cole's disappearance at the end to foreshadow future developments and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 27 -  Interrogation and Revelations
INT. POLICE STATION OFFICE - MORNING

RAILLY is being "debriefed" by POLICE OFFICERS and FBI AGENTS.

RAILLY
Then I said something to him about
cooperating and he said he would do
that, so I got in the car and started
honking the horn. When I got out, he
was gone.

LIEUTENANT HALPERIN
You lucked out. For a while we thought
you were a body they found down state...
mutilated.

A COP enters, hands a photo to LIEUTENANT HALPERIN who studies it.

RAILLY
He wouldn't do something like that -- he...

LIEUTENANT RALPERIN
(interrupts, hands her the photo)
This the man he attacked?

RAILLY looks at the photo, an 8 x 10 of the FIRST THUG, slumped
against the alley wall, obviously dead.

RAILLY
I'd like to be clear about this. That




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man and the other one were..."severely"
beating us. James Cole didn't start
it. In fact -- he saved me!

LIEUTENANT RALPERIN
Funny thing, Doctor, maybe you can
explain it to me, you being a psychiatrist
-- why do kidnap victims almost always
try to tell us about the guys who grabbed
'em and try to make us understand how
kind these bastards really were?

RAILLY
(as if reciting)
It's a normal reaction to a life-
threatening situation.
(suddenly animated)
He's sick. He thinks he comes from the
future. He's been living in a carefully
constructed fantasy world and that world
is starting to disintegrate. He needs
help!

INT. AIRPORT CONCOURSE/THE DREAM

YOUNG COLE stares, eyes wide.

He sees the BRUNETTE, cradling the head of the BLONDE MAN as he
sprawls on the concourse...

ASTROPHYSICIST'S VOICE (O.S.)
Wake up! Wake up!

GEOLOGIST'S VOICE (O.S.)
I think we gave him too much.

MICROBIOLOGIST'S VOICE (O.S.)
WAKE UP, PRISONER!

INT. SCIENTISTS' CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT

COLE blinks awake. All he can see are blurry faces hovering over
him, hammering him with questions.

ASTROPHYSICIST
Come on, Cole, cooperate!

GEOLOGIST
Spit it out... you went to the home of
a famous virologist...

COLE
(weakly)
You...don't...exist! You're in
my mind...

SCIENTISTS (IN RAPID SUCCESSION)




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What? What's that? What did he say? His
brain's fried. Give him another shot!
SPEAK UP, COLE. WHAT DID YOU DO NEXT?

INT. RAILLY'S APARTMENT - EVENING

The TV shows film of RAILLY leaving the police station.

TV REPORTER (v.o.)
The kidnap victim seemed exhausted but
apparently unharmed by her 30 hour ordeal
as she left the police station in
Philadelphia this morning. So far she
has refused to make a public statement.

RAILLY'S friends, MARILOU and WAYNE, are watching the TV.

A door opens and KATHRYN RAILLY, wearing a robe, comes out of her
bedroom. She still looks exhausted Followed by her cat, she
enters the kitchen area and turns on the kettle as WAYNE hastily
turns down the TV.

WAYNE
Sorry.

RAILLY
No -- I'm in a state of hyper-
alertness. I can't sleep.

MARILOU
Did you take the sedative?

RAILLY
I hate those things. They mess my head
up.

The old mug shot of COLE appears on the screen and RAILLY remotes
the volume up.

TV REPORTER (v.o.)
Along with the kidnapping of the Baltimore
woman, James Cole is now also wanted in
connection with the brutal slaying of
Rodney Wiggins, an ex-convict from...

RAILLY goes to the window, pushes aside the drape, and sees...

HER POV: ACROSS THE STREET...A COP keeps watch.

RAILLY (o.s.)
Do they really expect him to come here?

RAILLY returns to the kitchen area where MARILOU is getting the
tea things out.

TV REPORTER on air
And in Fresno, California...




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RAILLY
(glances sadly toward the TV)
He's dead, isn't he -- that little boy?

WAYNE
He's fine. It was just a "prank" he
and his friends pulled.

CLOSE ON RAILLY'S FACE... SHOCKED.

ANGLE ON THE TV SCREEN, showing footage of a sheepish nine year
old boy being led out of a barn by the police. The cops look grim.

TV REPORTER (v.o.)
Authorities have so far been noncommittal
about whether they will try to file
charges against the families of the
children involved in the hoax.

RAILLY stares at the TV, stunned.
Genres: ["Thriller","Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Railly's account of her kidnapping is questioned by the police, who show her a photo of a dead attacker. Cole experiences a dream sequence haunted by scientists. Friends watch a news report revealing Cole is wanted for murder, leaving Railly concerned for his safety.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystery elements
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive
  • Certain plot points could be further clarified

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery while delving into the complex emotions of the characters. The shifting dynamics and unexpected developments keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of time travel, mental illness, and the search for a deadly virus are intriguing and well-executed in this scene. The exploration of Cole's fractured reality adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the revelation of new information about Cole's past and his connection to the Army of the Twelve Monkeys. The scene sets up further conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of trust and justice, with unique character dynamics and unexpected plot twists. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Cole and Railly, are well-developed and show vulnerability, determination, and conflicting emotions. Their interactions drive the scene forward and reveal more about their motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Cole experiences a shift in his perception of reality and his role in the unfolding events. Railly also undergoes emotional turmoil and faces difficult decisions. These changes add depth to the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Railly's internal goal is to defend James Cole and convince the authorities of his innocence. This reflects her deeper desire to seek justice and protect those she cares about.

External Goal: 7.5

Railly's external goal is to clear James Cole's name and prevent further harm to him. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with law enforcement and public perception.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including Cole's struggle with his identity and the police's pursuit of him. The tension is palpable and keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, power struggles, and moral dilemmas that challenge the protagonist's goals and beliefs.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Cole's life is in danger, the search for the virus intensifies, and the characters face moral and ethical dilemmas. The outcome of their actions could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Cole's past, his connection to the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and the unfolding mystery surrounding the deadly virus. It sets up new challenges and conflicts for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected plot twists, conflicting character motivations, and shifting power dynamics, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Railly's belief in Cole's innocence and the authorities' skepticism. This challenges Railly's values of trust and justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is high as the characters grapple with fear, uncertainty, and moral dilemmas. The scene evokes empathy and concern for the characters' well-being.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and conflicts. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the tension between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and emotional intensity, keeping the audience invested in Railly's mission.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, with well-timed reveals and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Railly being debriefed by police officers and FBI agents to a dream sequence with Young Cole witnessing a chaotic airport concourse.
  • The dialogue between Railly and Lieutenant Halperin feels a bit forced and lacks natural flow, making it less engaging for the audience.
  • The shift from the police station office to the dream sequence and then back to Railly's apartment feels disjointed and could be smoother to maintain the continuity of the story.
  • The scene introduces new elements such as the scientists' chamber and the TV report about Cole, which may confuse the audience without proper context or connection to the previous events.
  • The sudden disappearance of Cole at the end of the scene leaves the audience hanging without a clear resolution or transition to the next sequence.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a more seamless flow between the different settings and events to improve the overall coherence of the narrative.
  • Focus on developing more natural and engaging dialogue between characters to enhance the emotional impact and connection with the audience.
  • Provide clearer transitions between different story elements to ensure that the audience can follow the plot developments without confusion.
  • Integrate the new elements introduced in the scene, such as the scientists' chamber and the TV report, more organically into the existing storyline to maintain consistency and avoid abrupt shifts.
  • Consider adding a more conclusive ending to the scene to provide a sense of closure or anticipation for the next part of the story.



Scene 28 -  Cole's Confused Awakening
INT. "HOSPITAL" ROOM - ETERNAL NIGHT

VOICES! SINGING! COLE blinks awake, looks around, confused, then
stares in disbelief....

Crowded around COLE'S bed, the SCIENTISTS are concluding a
ragged, out of tune, rendition of "BLUEBERRY HILL."

SCIENTISTS
---found my thrills on Blueberry Hill...

Seeing he's awake, SCIENTISTS break off the song and applaud.

SCIENTISTS
Well done, James! Well done! Nice
going! Congratulations! Good for you!

BOTANIST
During your "interview," while you
were..."under the influence," you told
us you liked music!

COLE, confused, looks around, sees he's in a one-bed windowless
room adorned with cheap reproductions of 19th and 20th century
landscapes.

The BOTANIST responds to COLE'S obvious disbelief with a
friendly smile and the others join in rapid fire, overlapping.

ZOOLOGIST
This isn't the prison, James.

BOTANIST
This is a hospital.




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ASTROPHYSICIST
But just until you recover your,
uh,... equilibrium.

ENGINEER
You're still a little... disoriented.

GEOLOGIST
Stress! Time travel!

ASTROPHYSICIST
You stood up very well, considering...

GEOLOGIST
Superior work! Superior!

BOTANIST
You connected the Army of the 12
Monkeys to a world famous virologist
and his son...

MICROBIOLOGIST
Others will take over now...

ZOOLOGIST
We'll be back on the surface in a
matter of months....

GEOLOGIST
We'll retake the planet.

ASTROPHYSICIST
We're very close! Because of you!

ENGINEER
(unrolling a document)
This is it, James...what you've been
working for.

BOTANIST
A full pardon!

MICROBIOLOGIST
You'll be out of here in no time.

ASTROPHYSICIST
Women will want to get to know you...

COLE
I DON'T WANT YOUR "WOMEN," YOU
BRAINLESS TWIT! I WANT TO BE WELL!

Unseen until now, two guards, TINY and SCARFACE, suddenly break
through the ring of SCIENTISTS, push COLE down, and tighten the
loose restraints, already in place, but unnoticed before.

ASTROPHYSICIST




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(sympathetically)
Of course you want to be well, James.
And you will be...soon.

COLE bursts into hysterical laughter.

COLE
YOU DON'T EXIST, YOU SILLY BOZOS!
YOU'RE NOT REAL! HA HA HA! PEOPLE DON'T
TRAVEL IN TIME! YOU AREN'T HERE.
MADE YOU UP! YOU CAN'T TRICK ME!
YOU'RE IN MY MIND! I'M INSANE AND
YOU'RE MY INSANITY!
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Cole awakens in a hospital room with scientists singing "Blueberry Hill." They congratulate him for cooperating during his "interview" under the influence, revealing he mentioned his love for music. Cole, disoriented, is informed he earned a pardon for his stress from time travel. Hysterically, he denies the reality of the scientists, believing they are figments of his insanity.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Intriguing concept of reality vs. illusion
  • Emotional depth and character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic
  • Potential confusion for the audience due to the complex themes and plot twists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates a sense of unease and tension through Cole's breakdown and the revelation of the scientists' manipulation. It keeps the audience engaged and questioning the nature of reality.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of time travel, mental manipulation, and the consequences of believing in a false reality are intriguing and well-executed in this scene.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Cole's true situation is revealed, leading to a shift in the narrative and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of time travel and manipulation, with a focus on the protagonist's internal struggle and perception of reality. The dialogue and character interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Cole, are well-developed and their emotional turmoil adds depth to the scene. The scientists' manipulation adds an element of mystery and danger.

Character Changes: 8

Cole undergoes a significant change in this scene as he confronts the truth of his situation and grapples with his sanity. His perception of reality is challenged, leading to a shift in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his sanity and assert his reality in the face of the scientists' gaslighting and manipulation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to be well and free from the control of the scientists and guards.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Cole's perception of reality and the scientists' manipulation creates a high level of tension and suspense. The stakes are raised as Cole's mental state is called into question.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the scientists and guards working against the protagonist's goals and beliefs. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Cole's perception of reality is called into question and the truth of his situation is revealed. The consequences of his actions and beliefs are significant.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing the truth of Cole's situation and setting up new conflicts and challenges for the characters. It propels the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in tone and the protagonist's unexpected outburst. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's perception of reality and the scientists' attempts to control and manipulate him. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his own sanity and the nature of truth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from confusion and fear to relief and disbelief. Cole's breakdown and the revelation of the truth add depth and emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Cole's confusion and desperation, as well as the scientists' manipulative tactics. It adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rapid-fire dialogue, surreal atmosphere, and the protagonist's emotional outburst. The tension and conflict keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to the protagonist's emotional outburst and the guards' intervention.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a jarring transition from the previous scene, where Cole was fleeing from agents, to a hospital room where scientists are singing 'Blueberry Hill.' This abrupt shift in tone and setting can be disorienting for the audience and disrupt the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue between the scientists and Cole feels forced and unnatural, lacking in subtlety and depth. The rapid-fire, overlapping dialogue comes across as contrived and unrealistic, diminishing the authenticity of the scene.
  • The characterization of Cole in this scene is inconsistent with his previous behavior. His sudden outburst and hysterical laughter seem out of character and do not align with his previous actions and motivations. This inconsistency can be confusing for the audience and weaken the overall impact of the scene.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and sensory details that could enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the setting. By focusing more on the surroundings, emotions, and physical reactions of the characters, the scene could become more engaging and vivid.
  • The resolution of the conflict in this scene feels rushed and unsatisfying. Cole's outburst and the scientists' response do not lead to a meaningful resolution or progression in the story, leaving the audience with a sense of unresolved tension and confusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the opening of the scene to create a smoother transition from the previous events and establish a more coherent narrative flow.
  • Refine the dialogue between the scientists and Cole to make it more natural, nuanced, and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Ensure consistency in character development by aligning Cole's actions and reactions with his established traits and arc throughout the screenplay.
  • Enhance the scene with detailed visual descriptions, sensory imagery, and emotional cues to create a more immersive and compelling experience for the audience.
  • Revisit the resolution of the conflict in the scene to provide a more satisfying and impactful conclusion that advances the plot and character development effectively.



Scene 29 -  Interrogation and Inner Conflict
INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

CLOSE ON KATHRYN RAILLY, insisting fiercely to someone,

RAILLY
He not only used the word "prank" -- he
said the boy was hiding in a barn.

RAILLY's talking to her former boss, DR. OWEN FLETCHER, psychiatrist
sitting across from her in his office, tapping his pen.

DR. FLETCHER
He kidnapped you, Kathryn. You saw him
murder someone. You knew there was a real
possibility he would kill you, too. You
were under tremendous emotional stress.

RAILLY
For God sakes, Owen, listen to me -- he
knew about the boy in Fresno and he says
three billion people are going to die!

DR. FLETCHER
Kathryn, you know he can't possibly
know that. You're a rational person.
You're a trained psychiatrist. You
know the difference between what's real
and what's not.

RAILLY
And what we believe is what's accepted as
"truth" now, isn't it, Owen? Psychiatry --
it's the latest religion. And we're the
priests -- we decide what's right and what's
wrong --we decide who's crazy and who isn't. ...
I'm in trouble, Owen. I'm losing my faith.

INT. "HOSPITAL" CELL - ETERNAL NIGHT

Alone in his "hospital" room, COLE struggles without success to
free himself from his restraints.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)




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You sure fucked up, Bob!

Startled, COLE freezes, then ignores the RASPY VOICE and
continues his feverish struggle.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
But I can understand you don't want
your mistakes pointed out to you. I can
relate to that, old Bob.

COLE looks around in spite of himself. Nothing to see but the
walls and the landscape paintings.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Hey, I know what you're thinking. You're
thinking I don't exist except in your
head. I can see that point of view. But
you could still talk to me, couldn't you?
Carry on a decent conversation?

COLE
(blurting)
I saw you! In 1995! In the real world!
You were a bum! You pulled out your teeth.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Why would I pull out my teeth, Bob?
They don't like that. That's a no-no.
And when did you say you saw me?
In...1872?

COLE
FUCK YOU!

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Yelling won't get you what you want. You
have to be smart to get what you want.

COLE
Oh, yeah? What do I want?

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
You don't know what you want? Sure you
do, Bob. You know what you want.

COLE, agitated, rocks back and forth. Then...

COLE
Tell me. Tell me what I want.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
To see the sky -- and the ocean -- to
be topside -- breathe the air -- to be
with her. ... Isn't that right? Isn't
that what you want?

Completely shaken, COLE hesitates for a long moment. When he




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
speaks, it comes out of him like air...a whisper.

COLE
More...than...anything.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary Dr. Railly's sanity is questioned after experiencing trauma, while Cole grapples with an unseen voice in his mind.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Exploration of mental health themes
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is gripping, emotionally charged, and delves deep into the characters' inner struggles, creating a sense of urgency and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of questioning reality, mental health, and the fine line between truth and delusion is executed with depth and complexity.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds with intense conflict and emotional stakes, driving the narrative forward and keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique philosophical conflicts and challenges traditional beliefs, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex, with internal conflicts and emotional depth that drive the scene's intensity and impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo internal changes, confronting their beliefs and perceptions, leading to emotional growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Kathryn's internal goal is to make sense of the chaos and uncertainty she's facing, as well as to hold onto her faith in her profession and beliefs.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to free himself from his restraints and understand the mysterious voice in his hospital cell.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between characters, their beliefs, and the blurred lines of reality create a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with both protagonists facing internal and external challenges that add complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of life and death, reality vs. delusion, and the fate of humanity heighten the tension and urgency of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward with new revelations, deepening the mystery and conflict, keeping the audience invested.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions and revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between rationality and faith, as Kathryn questions the truth and validity of her profession while Cole grapples with the existence of the raspy voice in his head.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, from anxiety to desperation, as the characters grapple with their beliefs and reality.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, revealing the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting beliefs, adding layers to the scene's emotional depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflicts and mysterious elements that keep the audience on edge, wanting to know more.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting that enhance the readability and flow of the script.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Railly and Dr. Fletcher is engaging and raises important questions about truth, faith, and the nature of psychiatry.
  • The transition from Railly's conversation to Cole's struggle in the hospital cell is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The introduction of the raspy voice adds an intriguing element to the scene, but the dialogue between Cole and the voice could be more dynamic and impactful.
  • The internal conflict within Cole, as portrayed through his interaction with the raspy voice, is compelling but could be further developed to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • The scene effectively conveys Cole's inner turmoil and confusion, but there is room to explore his psychological state in more detail to create a stronger impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between Railly's conversation and Cole's struggle to create a more seamless connection between the two elements.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Cole and the raspy voice to build tension and intrigue, adding layers to the interaction.
  • Explore Cole's internal conflict and emotional journey more deeply to provide insight into his character and motivations.
  • Consider incorporating visual elements or actions to complement the dialogue and enhance the overall impact of the scene.
  • Focus on building the suspense and emotional intensity of the scene to captivate the audience and create a memorable moment.



Scene 30 -  Unveiling the Past: Antique Bullet and a Soldier's Secret
INT. RAILLY'S BEDROOM - MORNING

RAILLY'S in bed, asleep, having a very bad dream. Suddenly, the
bedside phone RINGS. Her eyes snap open. A beat to orient
herself. RING. She reaches for the phone.

INTERCUT LIEUTENANT HALPERIN'S OFFICE/RAILLY'S BEDROOM

CLOSE ON HALPERIN, at his desk, talking into the phone.

LIEUTENANT HALPERIN
Dr. Railly? Jim Halperin, Philly P.D..
Sorry to call so early but...

CLOSE ON RAILLY, eager, concerned. into the phone,

RAILLY
You found him? Is he all right?

CLOSE ON HALPEPIN, noting her reaction with raised eyebrows
giving an "I told you so" look to the BLACK PLAINCLOTHES cop
across his desk, then continuing into the phone,

LIEUTENANT HALPERIN
Au contraire, Doctor. No sign of your
good friend, the kidnapper. However,
the plot thickens. I have a ballistic
report on my desk that says the bullet
you claim you removed from Mr. Cole's
thigh is an antique...and all indications
are it was fired...sometime prior to 1920.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, reacting, stunned.

ANGLE ON HALPERIN, continuing soberly now,

LIEUTENANT RALPERIN
So what I was thinking was, maybe if I
sent a detective down there to talk
with you, you could maybe revise or
amplify on the circumstances....
Hello? Hello? Dr. Railly?

HALPERIN considers the dead phone, glances at the COP again.

INT. RAILLY'S BEDROOM/STUDY

Her hand still on the receiver, RAILLY looks shocked. Then, she
hurries into her study and starts frantically pulling neatly
arranged piles of papers and books from a bookcase until she
finds a copy of her book. She leafs through it hurriedly,
locates the picture of the Puerto Rican KID (JOSE) in WWI.




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Peering closely, she tries to see everything in the picture.
Then, she turns and reaches for a research folder of old
photographs and rummages through it until she finds...!!!

RAILLY
No!

It's an uncropped shot of JOSE being carried on the stretcher in
the trenches. And there in the corner with no helmet, no gas
mask, and just a bit of bare shoulder showing...it's COLE!!!

INT. SCIENTISTS' CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT

Clean shaven, clear eyed, COLE sits before the frowning SCIENTISTS.

ASTROPHYSICIST
The food, the sky, the certain, uh,
sexual temptations -- you haven't
become "addicted" have you, Cole? To
that "dying" world'

COLE
No, sir! I just want to do my part.
To get us back on top...in charge of
the planet. And I have the experience,
I know who the people are...

BIOLOGIST
He really is the most qualified...

GEOLOGIST
But all that..."behavior"...

ASTROPHYSICIST
(to Cole, a little hurt)
You said we weren't "real," Cole...

COLE
Well, sir, I don't think the human mind
was built to exist in two different...
whatever you call it..."dimensions."
It's stressful, you said it yourselves,
it gets you confused. You don't know
what's real and what's not.

MICROBIOLOGIST
But you know what's real now?

COLE
Yes, sir.

The SCIENTISTS start to confer openly among themselves

GEOLOGIST
He'd have to bone up, catch up to our
research, the latest clues...




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ZOOLOGIST
He's proved to be a quick study...

The ASTROPHYSICIST fixes COLE with a sharp, penetrating look.

ASTROPHYSICIST
You can't trick us, you know. It
wouldn't work.

BIOLOGIST
And why would you want to? It'll be
dangerously close to the end.

COLE
I understand. There'd be no point.

ASTROPHYSICIST
We're going to think about it, Cole.
Among ourselves. We'll get back to you.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary A stunning revelation unravels as Railly discovers the antique origin of the bullet extracted from Cole's thigh, casting doubt on his origins. Simultaneously, Cole faces scrutiny from the Scientists over his request to return to the human world. Railly's investigation leads her to a WWI photograph, where she uncovers Cole's true identity, leaving her in disbelief.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontations
  • Revelations
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Complexity may require audience attention to follow all details

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, mystery, and revelations that keep the audience on the edge of their seats. The intense confrontations and shocking discoveries elevate the tension and intrigue, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of time travel, identity, and the blurred lines between reality and illusion are expertly explored in this scene. The revelation about the antique bullet and Cole's connection to a historical photograph add layers of complexity to the narrative, enhancing the overall concept of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens significantly in this scene as new information about Cole's past and the time travel experiment is revealed. The scene propels the story forward with unexpected twists and turns, setting the stage for further developments and escalating the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the antique bullet and the futuristic scientists' chamber. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Cole and the scientists, are well-developed and intriguing in this scene. Cole's determination to make a difference and the scientists' skepticism and curiosity create dynamic interactions that drive the narrative forward and deepen the audience's investment in the characters.

Character Changes: 8

Cole undergoes significant emotional and psychological changes in this scene, as he grapples with his identity, past actions, and the consequences of the time travel experiment. The revelations and confrontations push Cole to confront his beliefs and motivations, leading to a transformative moment in his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Dr. Railly's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about the bullet and the photograph, which reflects her deeper desire for justice and understanding.

External Goal: 7.5

Dr. Railly's external goal is to clear her name and prove her innocence in the case of the antique bullet.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multifaceted, with Cole facing internal and external challenges related to his identity, the time travel experiment, and the expectations of the scientists. The tension between Cole and the scientists, as well as the revelation of the antique bullet, heighten the conflict and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations between the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Cole faces the consequences of his actions, the scrutiny of the scientists, and the revelation of the antique bullet. The escalating tension and revelations raise the stakes for the characters and the overall outcome of the time travel experiment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing crucial information about Cole's past, the time travel experiment, and the scientists' intentions. The new developments and confrontations set the stage for further plot twists and character dynamics, propelling the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the antique bullet and the photograph.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the scientists' detachment from human emotions and Cole's desire to make a difference in the world. This challenges Cole's beliefs about reality and purpose.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including shock, concern, confusion, and stress, as the characters grapple with new revelations and confrontations. The emotional depth of the scene enhances the audience's connection to the characters and the unfolding story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, engaging, and reveals crucial information about the characters and the plot. The exchanges between Cole and the scientists are tense and thought-provoking, adding depth to their motivations and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension, mystery, and philosophical conflict that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and interactions.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Railly's shocking phone call to Cole sitting before the scientists, which may be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between the scientists and Cole feels a bit expository and lacks emotional depth, making it less engaging for the audience.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the atmosphere and setting, such as the scientists' chamber and Cole's demeanor.
  • The conflict between Cole and the scientists could be more nuanced and layered to create tension and intrigue.
  • The revelation of Cole's desire to escape feels rushed and could be built up more effectively throughout the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between Railly's phone call and Cole's interaction with the scientists to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between the scientists and Cole by adding emotional depth and complexity to make the interaction more compelling.
  • Include more visual descriptions of the scientists' chamber and Cole's body language to create a vivid and immersive setting.
  • Develop the conflict between Cole and the scientists by introducing subtle power dynamics and conflicting motivations to add depth to the scene.
  • Build up to Cole's revelation of wanting to escape by foreshadowing his inner turmoil and conflicting desires throughout the interaction with the scientists.



Scene 31 -  The Monkey Army
INT. DR. MASON'S OFFICE - DAY

Standing in front of a wall of glass in his office, overlooking a
hi-tech lab below where WORKERS in white "space suits" work
methodically, DR. MASON speaks angrily into a phone. His male
ASSISTANT, whose features we don't see, stops writing a formula
on a blackboard and listens.

DR. MASON
You have reason to believe that my son
may be planning to do what?!!!

INT. RAILLY'S APARTMENT/STUDY

RAILLY, trying to stay calm, is talking to Dr. Mason on the phone.

RAILLY
Please, I know it sounds insane but...

INT. DR. MASON'S OFFICE

Dr. Mason on the phone.

DR. MASON
(into the phone)
I'm afraid this doesn't seem very
professional to me, in fact it's
distressingly unprofessional for some-
one who treated my son briefly (if
indeed you actually are who you say you
are) to take a sudden unsolicited interest
in his mental health six years later,
and to telephone a parent to express
opinions that would be inappropriate...
(breaks off, listens, then)
I don't know anything about "Monkey




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armies", Doctor. Nothing whatsoever.
If my son ever was involved in...
(listens, then,)
It would be doubly inappropriate to
discuss matters of security with you,
Dr. Railly, but if it will put you at
ease, neither my son nor any other
unauthorized person has access to any
potentially dangerous organisms in this
laboratory. Thank you for your concern.

DR. MASON hangs up angrily and glares.

DR. MASON'S ASSISTANT (o.s.)
Dr. "Kathryn" Railly????

DR. MASON
The psychiatrist who was kidnapped by
that man who broke into my house. She
seems to have been suddenly struck by
the most preposterous notion about Jeffrey.

DR. MASON'S ASSISTANT (o.s.)
I attended a lecture once...Apocalyptic
visions.

We see Dr. Mason's ASSISTANT now. It's DR. PETERS, the red-
haired man who insisted to Dr. Railly you didn't have to be
insane to think the world was coming to an end.

DR. PETERS (cont.)
Has she succumbed to her own
theoretical..."disease"?

But DR. MASON is lost in thought, not listening.

DR. MASON
Given the nature of our work, we can't ever
be careful enough. I think we should review
our security procedures, perhaps upgrade them.

INT. SCIENTISTS' CHAMBER - ETERNAL NIGHT

COLE is facing the BOTANIST who's using a pointer to indicate
various fading photos and newspaper clippings tacked on the wall.

BOTANIST
Let's consider again our current
information -- if the symptoms were
first detected in Philadelphia on June
28, 1995, that makes us know that...?

COLE
It was released in Philadelphia,
probably on June 14, 1995.

BOTANIST




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And it appeared sequentially after that
in...?

With a quick glance at the panel of SCIENTISTS staring at him
from behind the long table, COLE replies like a good pupil,

COLE
San Francisco, New Orleans, Rio de
Janeiro, Rome, Kinshasa, Karachi,
Bangkok, then Peking.

BOTANIST
Meaning...???

COLE
That the virus was taken from Philadelphia
to San Francisco, then to New Orleans,
Rio de Janeiro, Rome, Kinshasa, Karachi,
Bangkok, then Peking.

BOTANIST
And your only goal is...???

COLE
To find out where the virus is so a
qualified scientist can travel back into
the past and study the original virus.

BOTANIST
So that...???

COLE
Uh, so that a vaccine can be developed
that will, uh, allow mankind to reclaim
the surface of the earth.

COLE glances nervously at the suspicious SCIENTISTS as the
BOTANIST switches on a slide projector and projects...

a magazine photo of wall graffiti: "ATTENTION!!! POLICE ARE
WATCHING! IS THERE A VIRUS? IS THIS THE SOURCE? 3 BILLION DIE?"

BOTANIST (o.s.)
This is from a magazine printed in late
September, 1995. The writer speculated
that this graffiti might be related to
the epidemic that by that time had
already killed thirty million people
world-wide and was getting worse. He
says, certain people, unnamed, were
questioned, but what came of that is not
known. But it is a clue you should pursue.

COLE stares at the picture.

EXT. FAA STOREFRONT - DAY




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
LOUD BANGING! The storefront window, completely covered with
posters, quivers violently. Images of MONKEYS covered with
electrodes, BABY SEALS being viciously clubbed, DOGS jammed into
tiny cages quiver as somebody beats on the window. It's RAILLY.

RAILLY
IS ANYBODY IN THERE? HELLO? IS
SOMEONE IN THERE? IF YOU'RE IN THERE,
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

INT. FAA STORE

JEFFREY, BEN, TEDDY, and two of JEFFREY'S youthful cohorts, SANDY
and KWESKIN, wait motionless beside a heap of cardboard cartons
as FALE peeks out the front window through a slit between posters.

FALE
It's the kidnap woman -- the one who
was with the guy who tied us up.

BEN
What's she doing?

FALE
She's drawing attention to us, that's
what she's doing. ... I don't know what
you're up to this time, Mason, but
you're gonna get us in deep shit!

JEFFREY
Whine, whine, whine. What about walkie
talkies? We used to have walkie talkies.

EXT. FAA STOREFRONT

From littered doorways, DERELICTS sneak peeks at RAILLY as she,
seemingly mad, shakes the doorknob, then hammers on the door.

RAILLY
I SAW YOU! I SAW SOMEONE MOVING. I
KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!

RASPY VOICE (o.s)
Secret experiments!

RAILLY whirls, sees LOUIE, the raspy-voiced toothless derelict.

LOUIE
That's what they do -- secret weird stuff!

RAILLY
You! I know you!

But LOUIE is studying the pictures of the tortured animals now.

LOUIE
Not just on them. Do 'em on people,




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too -- down at the shelters. Feed 'em
chemicals 'n take pictures of 'em.

RAILLY
Have you seen James Cole? The man...?

LOUIE
They're watchin' you. Takin' pictures.

RAILLY follows his look.

ANGLE ON AN OLD CHEVY, parked across the street, the PLAINCLOTHES
COP slouched at the wheel, pretending to read a newspaper.

RAILLY
The police. I know. Listen, I need to
talk to James, but he has to be careful
how he contacts me. He mustn't get
caught. Do you understand me?

LOUIS
Uh, yeah, sure. Uh...who's James?

RAILLY
He was with me, he spoke to you.
Several weeks ago. He said you were
from the future...watching him.

LOUIS gives her a look that says, "I'm outta here!"

But just then, RAILLY spots two TEZNAGE PUNKS surreptitiously
"tagging" their way along the street with cans of spray paint.

RAILLY stares at the PUNKS.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Concerned psychiatrist Railly warns Dr. Mason about his son's involvement with a potentially dangerous group. Cole investigates a connection between graffiti and the virus outbreak. Railly faces resistance from Jeffrey's group and suspicion from a derelict as she tries to reach Cole.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Revealing plot details
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with suspense, and sets up important plot points for the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a deadly virus, time travel, and a mysterious organization adds depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot thickens with revelations about the virus, the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, and the characters' motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements like hi-tech labs, animal cruelty, and police surveillance, adding fresh perspectives to familiar themes of family, science, and societal issues. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are developing, especially Cole and Railly, as they face new challenges and revelations.

Character Changes: 7

Characters like Cole and Railly experience shifts in their beliefs and motivations, setting up potential character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect his son and ensure his safety. This reflects his deeper need for family and security, as well as his fear of losing his loved ones.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address the concerns raised by Dr. Railly about his son's mental health and potential involvement in dangerous activities. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with external threats and maintaining the reputation of his research facility.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict, both internal and external, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, hidden agendas, and unresolved conflicts between characters. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of how these oppositions will play out.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters face threats, mysteries, and the looming danger of the virus.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new information and raising the stakes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the plot, the conflicting motivations of the characters, and the unresolved tensions between them. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between professional ethics and personal relationships. Dr. Mason is torn between his duty as a scientist and his role as a father, leading to a conflict of values and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and anticipation, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, revealing important information and building tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, tense interactions between characters, and intriguing plot developments. The conflict and suspense keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through quick dialogue exchanges, dramatic revelations, and shifting character dynamics. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and characters. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene transitions between Dr. Mason's office, Railly's apartment, and the Scientists' chamber, which can be a bit disorienting for the audience.
  • There is a lot of dialogue and exposition in this scene, which may feel overwhelming and slow down the pacing.
  • The conversation between Dr. Mason and Railly feels a bit repetitive and could benefit from more dynamic interactions.
  • The scene lacks visual elements to break up the dialogue-heavy exchanges, making it less engaging for the audience.
  • The transition between different locations and characters could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements or actions to break up the dialogue and make the scene more visually engaging.
  • Try to streamline the dialogue and focus on the most essential information to avoid overwhelming the audience.
  • Introduce more dynamic interactions between characters to create tension and keep the audience engaged.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different locations to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Consider adding moments of conflict or tension to heighten the stakes and make the scene more compelling.



Scene 32 -  Chaos at the FAA Store
INT. FAA STORE

FALE watches JEFFREY go over a check list while KWESKIN, SANDY,
and TEDDY organize materials, and BEN peeks out the small opening
between posters at the front window.

JEFFREY
You get the bolt cutters?

KWESKIN
One dozen. They're in the van.

FALE
One dozen bolt cutters! Whadda you
gonna do with one dozen bolt cutters?

JEFFREY
(grins)
You really want to know?

FALE
No! Absolutely not. Don't tell me anything.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
BEN
Hey! Do you know what she's doing?

Everybody freezes, looking toward 3EN, who's peeking outside.

Then, except for JEFFREY, they all crowd around BEN to get a look.

POV THROUGH SLIT: a glimpse of RAILLY, spray painting the front
of the store!

TEDDY
What's it say?

BEN
I can't see it.

JEFFREY
(erupting)
WHY DON'T WE FORGET MY GODDAMN
PSYCHIATRIST AND DEAL WITH THE TASK AT
HAND. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

FALE
(spinning around)
Your psychiatrist? Did you just say,
"your psychiatrist"?

JEFFREY
Ex-psychiatrist! Now, what about
flashlights? How many flashlights...?

FALE
That woman is...was...your...
psychiatrist? And now she's spray-
painting our building?

EXT. FAA STOREFRONT/SECOND AVENUE

ANGLE ON SLACK PLAINCLOTHES COP, across the street in the CHEVY,
amazed, watching RAILLY spray painting. He shakes his head wearily.

ANGLZ ON STREET TYPES, inching closer, watching RAILLY with
amazement, too. They include...

an IRISH DRUNK, white haired, red-faced, bloated...

a NATIVE AMERICAN with tormented eyes and a mangled ear...

an AFRICAN AMERICAN with one eye...

the TEENAGED PUNKS...

a WHITE MAN, shabbily dressed, joining the knot of ONLOOKERS,
reacting at the sight of RAILLY. It's COLE! He pushes toward her.

COLE




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Kathryn!

RAILLY stops spraying, whips around at the sound of his VOICE.

RAILLY
James!

With a quick glance toward the PLAINCLOTHES COP, RAILLY takes
urgent charge of the situation.

RAILLY
James! That's a policeman. Pretend
you don't know me. If he sees you...

COLE
(turning, looking)
No, I want to turn myself in. Where is he?
(placing his hands on his head)
Don't worry -- it's all okay now. I'm
not crazy any more! I mean, I am
crazy, mentally divergent, actually,
but I know it now and I want you to
help me. I want to get well...

ANGLE on RAILLY, desperately pulling COLE'S hands off his head as
she tries to block the COP'S view of COLE.

RAILLY
James -- put your hands down and listen
to me. Things have changed!

ANGLE ON THE PLAINCLOTHES COP, checking the mug shot of COLE on
his clipboard, then reaching for his radio mike.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, reacting to the COP speaking into his mike: she
tosses the spray paint can aside, grabs COLE and tries to pull
him along...but COLE isn't moving. He's staring at the front of
the FAA Store with disbelief!

RAILLY
James, come on! We have to get out of here!

COLE looks from the wall to the can rolling on the sidewalk,
then back to the wall where RAILLY has sprayed the huge words:

ATTENTION!!! POLICE ARE WATCHING!
IS THERE A VIRUS? IS THIS THE
SOURCE? THREE BILLION DIE?

It's the graffiti COLE saw in the future, in the picture!

COLE
I've seen that...before.

But RAILLY'S total attention is on their dilemma.

RAILLY




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
James, trust me. We're in terrible
trouble. We have to run.

Very confused, COLE lets her drag him along the sidewalk, past
ONLOOKERS. She looks crazier than he does.

ANGLE ON THE CHEVY, making a sudden, urgent u-turn, almost
colliding with a passing car. BRAKES SQUEAL and a HORN BLARES.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary As the group gathers materials, Railly's actions outside the store raise concerns, particularly for Fale. Jeffrey dismisses their worries, but Cole's sudden appearance and erratic behavior create tension. Railly notices a plainclothes cop watching them and urges Cole to flee, but his recognition of the graffiti delays their escape. The cop's car makes a u-turn, posing a threat to their safety as they are forced to flee.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot development
  • Complex characters
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Character motivations could be clearer in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a good balance of tension, mystery, and character development. The revelation of the graffiti adds a new layer of intrigue to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the graffiti linking the past and future, as well as the characters' struggles with mental health and identity, is compelling and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters face a new challenge and make decisions that impact their future. The tension and stakes are heightened.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations, such as the protagonist's ex-psychiatrist and the mysterious graffiti message. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show depth and growth, particularly Cole's realization about his mental health and identity. Railly's determination and quick thinking add to the scene's intensity.

Character Changes: 8

Cole undergoes a significant change in perception about his mental health and identity, leading to a shift in his actions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and focus on the task at hand, despite distractions and personal revelations. This reflects their need for order and stability in a chaotic situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to complete the task they are preparing for, which involves using bolt cutters and flashlights. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the importance of their mission.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters, the police, and the looming threat of the deadly virus creates a high-stakes situation that keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from external forces and unexpected events. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the scene, including the threat of the deadly virus and the characters' precarious situation with the police, create tension and urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new mystery and raising the stakes for the characters, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected events and revelations that occur, such as the appearance of the graffiti message and the protagonist's interactions with their ex-psychiatrist. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's past and present, as well as the consequences of their actions. The protagonist's interactions with their ex-psychiatrist and the unexpected appearance of a familiar graffiti message challenge their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from confusion to desperation, as the characters face difficult choices and revelations.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations. It drives the scene forward and reveals important information.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and unexpected twists. The characters' interactions and the unfolding mystery keep the audience hooked and eager to see what happens next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a good balance of action and dialogue. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and eager to see how the events unfold.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and plot progression. The pacing and formatting are effective in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a good sense of urgency and tension, with multiple characters involved in different activities.
  • There is a clear conflict between Jeffrey's focus on the task at hand and Fale's distraction with Railly's actions, adding depth to the scene.
  • The revelation of Railly spray painting the store adds a surprising twist and raises the stakes for the characters.
  • The interaction between Jeffrey and Fale regarding Railly being Jeffrey's ex-psychiatrist adds an intriguing layer to their dynamic.
  • The introduction of the plainclothes cop and the diverse group of onlookers watching Railly adds an element of suspense and danger to the scene.
  • Cole's sudden appearance and desire to turn himself in create a compelling moment of conflict and confusion for Railly.
  • The discovery of the graffiti matching what Cole saw in the future adds a mysterious and intriguing element to the scene.
  • The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a sense of impending danger for the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Cole to enhance his character development and add depth to his motivations.
  • Explore the relationship between Railly and Cole further to create a stronger emotional connection between the characters.
  • Clarify the resolution of the conflict between Jeffrey and Fale regarding Railly's identity to provide closure to that subplot.
  • Enhance the sense of urgency and danger in the scene by increasing the stakes for the characters and escalating the conflict.
  • Ensure that the dialogue and actions of the characters align with their motivations and the overall tone of the scene.
  • Consider adding more visual cues and descriptive details to enhance the atmosphere and tension of the scene.
  • Focus on the emotional impact of the characters' decisions and actions to create a more engaging and immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 33 -  Amidst Chaos: Jeffrey's Sanity Unravels
INT. FAA STORE - DAY

ANGLE ON BEN, peeking out, reacting to the drama.

BEN
Wow, a guy in a Chevy is chasing her
and some other guy I can't see.

FALE
Hey, no problem, it's probably just
another kidnapping featuring Jeffrey's
shrink, pardon me, make that ex-shrink.
(indicating Jeffrey to the others)
This is your leader, a certifiable lunatic
who told his former psychiatrist all his
plans for God knows what whacko irresponsible
schemes, and now who knows what she's
painted out there on our wall?

JEFFREY
WHO CARES WHAT PSYCHIATRISTS WRITE ON
WALLS?
(moves to Fale, jabs him with a finger)
You think I told her about the Army of
the 12 Monkeys? Impossible! Know why,
you pathetically ineffectual and
pusillanimous "pretend-friend-to-
animals"?! I'll tell you why: because
when I had anything to do with her six
years ago, there was no such thing -- I
hadn't even thought of it yet!

FALE
(triumphant)
Then how come she knows what's going on?

JEFFREY abruptly switches from rage to good humor, adopting a
supercilious smile and a patronizing tone.

JEFFREY
Here's my theory on that. While I was
institutionalized, my brain was studied
exhaustively in the guise of mental health.
I was interrogated, x-rayed, studied
thoroughly. Then, everything about me
was entered into a computer where they
created a model of my mind.




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They all stare, mesmerized, at the strutting JEFFREY. Is he
serious? Is he crazy? Doesn't matter -- he's charismatic.

JEFFREY (cont.)
Then, using the computer model, they
generated every thought I could possibly
have in the next, say ten years, which
they then filtered through a probability
matrix to determine everything I was
going to do in that period. So you
see, she knew I was going to lead the
Army of the Twelve Monkeys into the
pages of history before it ever even
occurred to me. She knows everything
I'm ever going to do before I know it
myself. How about that?

JEFFREY smiles smugly into FALE'S flabbergasted face.

JEFFREY
Now I have to get going -- do my part.
You guys check all this stuff out and
load up the van. Make sure you have
everything. I'm outta here.

JEFFREY exits. The others stare at the door.

FALE
He's seriously crazy -- you know that.

EXT. SKID ROW ALLEY - DAY

An overflowing dumpster squats near the mouth of an alley.

The unmarked CHEVY crawls slowly past the alley, the PLAINCLOTHES
COP'S eyes searching everywhere.

Trash stirs in the dumpster and RAILLY'S eyes peer up out of the
torn cardboard boxes, rotting food, and styrofoam litter.

HER POV: the POLICE CAR passes from view.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, emerging from the refuse, hissing,

RAILLY
James! Come on.

A confused COLE emerges from the opposite end of the dumpster,
bits of lettuce in his hair.

COLE
I don't understand what we're doing.

RAILLY
(climbing out of the dumpster)
We're avoiding the police until I
can....talk to you.




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COLE
(climbing out after her)
You mean, treat me? Cure me? Kathryn,
those words on the wall -- I've seen
them before... I...I...dreamed them.

But she's not listening. She's peeking out the alley entrance.

RAILLY'S POV: across the street is a run-down skid row hotel,
THE GLOBE, ROOMS WEEKLY, DAILY.

INT. GLOBE HOTEL/LOBBY - MINUTES LATER

The DESK CLERK, an old alkie who hates trouble but finds it often,
stares across the counter suspiciously at RAILLY and COLE.

DESK CLERK
Twenty five bucks an hour.

RAILLY
An hour?!

DESK CLERK
You want quarter hours, go someplace else.

RAILLY
(catches on, pulls out her last bills)
Here's ninety eight. For the night. Deal?

The DESK CLERK squints warily at this turn of events. Then, he
turns, gets a key, turns back and hands it to her.

DESK CLERK
Forty four. Fourth floor, turn right.
Elevator's busted.

RAILLY turns, COLE follows, and they walk quickly to the stairs
passing the stares of gloomy RESIDENTS sitting on torn sofas
chairs in front of an old TV with hideous color.

ANGLE ON THE DESK CLERK, watching RAILLY and COLE climb
stairs. As they disappear from view, he picks up the phone,
punches a number, speaks into the phone.

DESK CLERK
Tommy? This is Charlie at the Globe.
You know if Wallace has a new girl?
Sort of a rookie type? Blonde?

INT. GLOBE HOTEL ROOM 44 - MINUTES LATER (DAY)

COLE sits on the lumpy bed in the dingy room, watching RAILLY
pace back and forth like a mad woman.

RAILLY
Okay...you were standing there looking




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at the moon...you were eating grass...
then what?

COLE
I thought I was in...prison again.

RAILLY
Just like that? You were in prison?

COLE
No, not really. It's...it's in my
mind. Like you said.

RAILLY
You disappeared! One minute you were
there, the next minute you were gone.
Did you run through the woods?

COLE
I don't know -- I don't remember.

RAILLY
The boy in the well. How did you know
that was just a hoax?

COLE
It was? I didn't...know.

RAILLY
James, you said he was hiding in the barn...

COLE
I think I saw a TV show like that when
I was a kid. Where a boy...

RAILLY
IT WASN'T A TV SHOW! IT WAS REAL!

COLE looks at her. She's really upset.

COLE
Well, maybe that kid saw the same TV
show and copied it. Listen, you were
right, it's all in my head. I'm mentally
ill, I imagine all that stuff. I know
they're not real, I can trick them, make
them do what I want. I just worked on
them in my head and I got back here. I
can get better. I can stay here.

RAILLY pulls a photo from her purse, shows it to COLE.

It's the uncropped picture from her book, the photo of JOSE in
WWI with a fuzzy image of COLE on the edge of the frame,

RAILLY
What does this mean to you?




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COLE
...I had a dream about...something
like that.

RAILLY
You had a bullet from World War One in
your leg, James! How did it get there?

COLE
You said I had delusions -- that I
created a world -- you said you could
explain everything...

RAILLY
Well, I can't. ... I mean...I'm trying
to. I can't believe that everything we
do or say has already happened, that we
can't change what's going to happen,
that I'm one of the three billion
people who are going to die...soon.

COLE stands, moves close to her.

COLE
I want to be here. In this time. With
you. I want to become...become a whole
person. I want this to be the present.
I want the future to be unknown.

RAILLY
(sudden hopeful idea!)
James...do you remember...six years
ago...you had a phone number! You
tried to call and...

WHAM! The door flies open, kicked violently, the flimsy lock not
holding. A menacing figure stands in the doorway. WALLACE. A
wiry biker-type with jail house tattoos and mean eyes.

COLE and RAILLY are too stunned to say anything as WALLACE looks
them over coldly, insolently, then advances on RAILLY.

WALLACE
This is my territory, bitch!

COLE
(confused, turns to Railly)
Is this real -- or is this one of my
delusions?

RAILLY
This is definitely real:
(to Wallace)
Excuse me, I think we have a little
misunderstanding here...




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WALLACE smashes RAILLY in the face. She flies back against the
wall and onto the floor as WALLACE spins around to COLE who is
stepping toward him, but WALLACE is now holding a knife

WALLACE
What're you -- some kind of tough guy?
You wanna be a hero? You gonna try and
mess with me? Come on...

A beat. COLE puts his hands up placatingly as he backs around
WALLACE and moves to RAILLY, whose eye is already swelling.

WALLACE
Now that's a smart boy. But you,
honey, you think you can go 'round
me and peddle your fancy ass in this
part of town, you bet your life we got
what I would call a major goddamn
misunderstandin'.

RAILLY reaches a hand up to COLE for assistance, but, he grabs
her purse instead, swings it around, SMASHES WALLACE in the face
with it, then grabs the pimp's arm and SNAPS it like it was a
twig! The knife clatters to the floor as WALLACE yelps in pain
and COLE slams him to the floor, straddles his chest, retrieves
the near-by knife, and presses it sharply against WALLACE'S neck.

RAILLY
JAMES -- DON'T!

COLE hesitates.

WALLACE
(eyes bulging)
You...heard...her. Don't do it, man.

RAILLY
(gets up, looks around)
Put him in the closet, ... But get his
money first.

COLE
(amazed)
You want me to rob him?

RAILLY
I...I...We need cash, James.

A shadow. RAILLY turns toward the door and glimpses a FACE
disappearing, then hears SHOUTS from the hallway...

SHOUTS (o.s.)
They're killing him! Call the cops.

Being very careful not to move his neck, WALLACE reaches into his
pocket and produces a thick roll of bills, which RAILLY grabs.




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WALLACE
You two are crazy. I got friends. You
put me in a closet, they're gonna be
really pissed.

COLE moves off Wallace and, keeping the knife close, yanks him to
his teeth while RAILLY hurries to the window and looks out.

HER POV: A fire escape leads down into an alley.

RAILLY turns just in time to see COLE shove WALLACE into the
bathroom, follow him in, slam the door behind them, and LOCK it.

RAILLY
James, no!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Ben, Fale, and Jeffrey discuss Dr. Railly, Jeffrey's former psychiatrist, and her potential knowledge of his plans. Jeffrey claims his brain was studied and a computer model was created to predict his actions. Railly and Cole hide from the police and rent a hotel room, where Cole struggles with his visions. A pimp confronts Railly, leading to a violent encounter with Cole. Railly and Cole rob the pimp for money and plan to escape through a fire escape.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Complex characters
  • Engaging dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of clarity in some character motivations
  • Slightly abrupt transitions between scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a tense atmosphere, strong character dynamics, and a significant plot development. The dialogue is impactful and drives the conflict forward, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring mental illness, reality perception, and unpredictable human behavior is intriguing and adds depth to the scene. The idea of characters facing their inner demons and external threats creates a compelling narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is intense and fast-paced, with a high level of conflict and tension. The scene advances the story significantly, revealing new information and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on themes of mental health, perception, and reality, with unique character dynamics and unexpected plot twists. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are complex and compelling. Their conflicting motivations and emotional struggles drive the scene forward and create a sense of unpredictability.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional and psychological changes during the scene, facing their inner demons and making difficult choices. These changes drive the narrative forward and add depth to the character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand his own mind and actions, to grapple with his mental health issues and the reality of his experiences. He seeks clarity and control over his thoughts and perceptions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to evade the police and navigate the dangerous situation he finds himself in. He must protect himself and his companion while also trying to make sense of his own experiences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with physical and emotional confrontations between the characters. The tension is palpable, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing significant challenges and obstacles that test their resolve and resourcefulness. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will overcome the opposition.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing physical danger, emotional turmoil, and moral dilemmas. The outcome of the confrontation has significant consequences for the characters and the overall story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing new information, raising the stakes, and setting up future conflicts. It advances the plot and keeps the audience engaged in the unfolding narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character choices, plot developments, and shifting dynamics. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' motivations and the outcome of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the nature of reality, perception, and control. The protagonist grapples with the idea that his thoughts and actions may not be entirely his own, leading to questions about free will and determinism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including fear, tension, and empathy for the characters. The intense confrontations and emotional struggles of the characters create a powerful impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the conflict between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense character interactions, high stakes, and emotional depth. The unpredictable twists and turns keep the audience on the edge of their seats, invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' internal struggles and external challenges.


Critique
  • The scene is filled with tension and suspense, which is effectively conveyed through the dialogue and actions of the characters.
  • The dialogue between the characters, especially Jeffrey and Fale, adds depth to their relationships and motivations.
  • The revelation about Jeffrey's theory on his brain being studied and a computer model predicting his actions is intriguing and adds a layer of complexity to his character.
  • The sudden shift in Jeffrey's demeanor from rage to good humor creates an interesting dynamic and keeps the audience engaged.
  • The introduction of Wallace as a menacing figure adds a sense of danger and conflict to the scene.
  • The escalation of the confrontation between Wallace, Railly, and Cole builds suspense and keeps the audience on edge.
  • The twist of Cole subduing Wallace and then being urged by Railly to rob him adds a surprising and morally ambiguous element to the scene.
  • The cliffhanger ending with the shouts from the hallway and the decision to lock Wallace in the bathroom leaves the audience eager to know what will happen next.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene, such as detailing the rundown hotel room and the reactions of the onlookers.
  • Explore the emotional and psychological impact of the characters' actions and decisions, especially in moments of conflict and tension.
  • Further develop the relationship between Railly and Cole, delving into their motivations and inner conflicts as they navigate the dangerous situation.
  • Focus on the pacing of the scene to maintain the suspense and keep the audience engaged throughout the confrontation with Wallace.
  • Consider adding internal monologues or reflections from the characters to provide insight into their thoughts and feelings during the intense moments of the scene.



Scene 34 -  Escape from the Hotel
INT. BATHROOM

RAILLY'S VOICE (from the other room)
(rattling the door knob)
James, what are you doing?

WALLACE cowers back against the shower stall.

WALLACE
I have friends, man -- if you cut me...

WALLACE breaks off, bug-eyed, reacting to something we don't see!

WALLACE
What...the...fuck..are you doing???

INT. GLOBE MOTEL ROOM 44

RAILLY is pounding on the bathroom door now as, suddenly, it
opens and COLE steps out, the knife in his right hand, dripping
with blood.

RAILLY
Oh, my God, James. Did you kill him?

COLE shakes his head "no" as blood oozes from his mouth.

COLE
Just...just in case. In case I'm not
crazy...
(holds up two bloody molars)
That's how they find us. By our teeth.
(a beat, eye contact)
I don't want them to find me. Ever. I
don't want to go back.

RAILLY's astonishment turns to emotion as it dawns on her the
choice he's made. Given up the future (if it exists, and it's
looking like it does)! Risking his life to be with her! For
this brief time! She's overwhelmed, lips trembling, tears
welling in her eyes. But just then, the SOUNDS of SHOUTS and




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
feet THUNDERING up the stairs snap her back to reality.

INT. STAIRWELL/GLOBE HOTEL

COPS' boots THUNDER up the stairwell.

INT. ROOM 44/GLOBE HOTEL

In between nervous glances toward the door, RAILLY supervises as
COLE obediently blocks the bathroom door with the bureau.

RAILLY
Push it tight!

WALLACE'S VOICE (from the bathroom)
NO PROBLEM! I'LL JUST STAY IN HERE!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

INT. 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY/GLOBE HOTEL

POLICE OFFICERS, led by the PLAINCLOTHES COP, make a cautious
entrance onto the 4th floor, guns drawn.

Seedy HOTEL RESIDENTS point to Room 44, then cower back into
their doorways.

EXT. GLOBE HOTEL FIRE ESCAPE/ALLEY - DAY

COLE and RAILLY clatter down the fire-escape, COLE in the lead.
They come to the end of the metal stairway. It's a long distance
to the ground. COLE jumps down, turns, reaches up to her.

She lets herself down to him. Their eyes meet. He holds her in
his arms for a moment. Then, reluctantly, he puts her down.
They start running down the alley.

INT. GLOBE HOTEL FOURTH FLOOR - DAY

The PLAINCLOTHES COP has his pistol out, his back to the wall
alongside the open doorway to Room 44. The UNIFORMED OFFICERS
are backing him up, weapons drawn.

PLAINCLOTHES COP
POLICE! THROW YOUR WEAPONS OUT AND
COME OUTTA THERE!

No response.

INT. GLOBE HOTEL ROOM 44

The PLAINCLOTHES COP charges into the room in a crouch, pistol
extended in both hands. He pans the gun around the empty room.

HIS POV: the open window...the blood on the floor.

WALLACE'S VOICE (from the bathroom)
HEY! ZAT THE POLICE! I'M AN INNOCENT




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VICTIM IN HERE! I WAS ATTACKED BY A
COKED-UP WHORE AND A CRAZY DENTIST!

EXT. BUS STOP/DOWNTOWN - LATE AFTERNOON

A city bus disgorges a stream of PASSENGERS at a stop in the
toney downtown shopping district. Among them, RAILLY looks
furtively left and right, COLE on her heels. She's hidden her
bruised eye behind sun glasses; he's holding a bloody
handkerchief to his mouth.

As he steps to the sidewalk, COLE is overwhelmed by the bustling
city, the tall downtown buildings. His eyes go up.

COLE'S POV: a building, towering toward the sky. A building
with a ledge. The same ledge the lion prowled in the future!!!

ANGLE ON COLE, shaken, as RAILLY ushers him into the recessed
entrance to a store.

RAILLY
Wait here. I'm going to try that phone
number. Let's hope it's nothing!

Dazed by his experience and the flow of SHOPPERS, COLE watches
her hurry to a pay phone twenty yards away, his view of her made
intermittent by PEDESTRIANS streaming past him, their FACES
looming frighteningly close.

A BUSINESSMAN jostles COLE, forcing him back against the display
window. Turning, he faces the angry jaws of a BEAR only inches away

Recovering from a jolt of terror, COLE realizes the BEAR is a life-
size
toy in the display window. Relieved, he looks back at RAILLY.

COLE'S POV: RAILLY, well out of earshot, speaking earnestly into
the phone.

ANGLE ON COLE, startled, as a BUSINESSMAN, mistaking him for a
panhandler, shoves a dollar into his hand. Confused, COLE stares
at the dollar, then turns to say something to the retreating
BUSINESSMAN, but just then he sees RAILLY rushing toward him,
eyes sparkling with happiness, LAUGHING, ebullient.

RAILLY
James! James! It's okay. We're
insane! We're crazy!

COLE doesn't know how to respond, but a PASSERBY gives them a look.

RAILLY
It's a Carpet Cleaning Company...

COLE
A Carpet Cleaning Company?




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RAILLY
(laughing)
No superiors! No scientists. No
people from the future. It's just a
Carpet Cleaning Company. They have
voice mail -- you leave a message
telling them when you want your carpet
cleaned.

COLE
You... you left them a message?

RAILLY
(impishly)
I couldn't resist. I was so relieved.
Wait'll they hear this nutty woman
telling them...they better watch out
for the Army of the Twelve Monkeys...

Looking at her laughing face, COLE is struck with horror as he
realizes the truth! He starts to recite...

COLE
"The Army of the Twelve Monkeys --
they're the ones who are going to do
it. I can't do anything more. The
police are watching me."

Now she's stunned. She glances back and sees the phone booth
twenty yards away.

RAILLY
You... you couldn't have heard me.

COLE
They got your message, Kathryn. They
played it for me. It was a bad
recording...distorted. I didn't
recognize your voice.

RAILLY'S eyes fill with horror as she grasps the meaning.

ANGLE ON A UNIFORMED COP, staring out the window of a POLICE
CRUISER as it inches along in the bumper to bumper traffic.
Noticing something, he reaches for his radio.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, spotting the CRUISER, grabbing COLE, pulling him
into the CROWD.

RAILLY
Come on.
Genres: ["Thriller","Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary Cole, determined to protect Railly, kills Wallace and flees with her from the police. Their experiences from the future haunt them, and they narrowly escape capture in a busy downtown area.
Strengths
  • High tension
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Suspenseful pacing
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for the audience without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of suspense, action, and emotional moments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats. The character dynamics and the high stakes contribute to the overall intensity of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of escaping from a perceived reality, the use of teeth as a unique identifier, and the revelation of a distorted message all add depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and filled with tension, as the characters try to evade the police while coming to terms with their situation and the messages they have received. The stakes are high, and the scene moves the story forward significantly.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as time travel, a mysterious future threat, and a complex relationship between the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are unpredictable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and show growth and vulnerability in the face of danger. Their interactions and decisions drive the plot forward and add emotional depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly in their perceptions of reality, their relationships, and their own identities. These changes drive the narrative forward and add depth to the characters.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect himself and the woman he cares about while grappling with his own sanity and the possibility of a bleak future.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to evade capture by the police and escape the dangerous situation he finds himself in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing imminent danger from the police, internal struggles, and the revelation of distorted messages. The tension is palpable and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the police closing in on the protagonist and the threat of a bleak future looming over them.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing imminent danger, internal conflicts, and the revelation of distorted messages. The outcome of their actions could have far-reaching consequences, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing key information, escalating the conflict, and setting up future events. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters, the shifting dynamics between them, and the looming threat of the future.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in the existence of a grim future and his desire to protect the woman he cares about, even if it means sacrificing his own freedom.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and confusion to relief and joy. The characters' vulnerability and the high stakes add emotional depth and resonance to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts. It adds depth to the scene and drives the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, emotional depth, and unpredictable twists. The characters' choices and the escalating tension keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with moments of emotional depth and character development interspersed with fast-paced action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a suspenseful thriller, with escalating tension, a clear goal, and a resolution that sets up future conflict.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a high level of tension and suspense, which is engaging for the audience. The buildup of the situation with Wallace in the bathroom and the aftermath of his confrontation with Cole creates a sense of urgency and danger.
  • The revelation of Cole's actions, holding a bloody knife and the explanation behind it, adds depth to his character and raises questions about his mental state. This moment is pivotal in showcasing Cole's desperation and determination to stay with Railly.
  • The emotional exchange between Railly and Cole, where Cole expresses his fear of being found and his desire to stay with Railly, is a powerful moment that highlights the sacrifices he is willing to make. It also adds a layer of complexity to their relationship.
  • The introduction of the police officers and the subsequent escape plan through the fire escape ramps up the tension and creates a sense of imminent danger. The use of multiple locations adds to the dynamic nature of the scene.
  • The scene effectively transitions from the hotel room to the downtown area, maintaining the momentum and keeping the audience engaged. The juxtaposition of the bustling city environment with the characters' internal turmoil adds depth to the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue to further explore Cole's internal struggles and motivations. This can help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid picture of the surroundings and the characters' emotions. This can help set the tone and atmosphere of the scene more effectively.
  • Explore the aftermath of the confrontation with Wallace in more detail, including the emotional impact on both Cole and Railly. This can add layers to their characters and the evolving dynamics between them.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene, such as sounds, smells, and textures. This can enhance the realism of the setting and make the scene more engaging.
  • Continue to build on the suspense and tension throughout the scene, leading to a climactic moment that leaves the audience eager to see what happens next. This can help maintain the momentum and keep the audience invested in the story.



Scene 35 -  Confrontation and Disguise
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE/MEN'S DEPARTMENT - 6:00 PM

RAILLY, whose sun glasses don't really hide her bruised eye, adds
a man's Hawaiian shirt to the pile of other men's things heaped
on a counter in front of a very suspicious CLERK.




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RAILLY
And this.
(turning)
Anything else?

But COLE'S not here. He's a short distance away...staring.

COLE'S POV: aisle after aisle of eager shoppers and a bounty of
brand new consumer goods.

ANGLE ON COLE, remembering another department store, dark and
full of moldering merchandise.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, turning again to the CLERK.

RAILLY
I guess that's it.

CLERK
Shall I put this on your account, Ma'am?

RAILLY
(producing Wallace's roll of bills)
No -- I'll pay cash.

The CLERK stares at the huge roll of bills!

RAILLY
What floor are the wigs on, please?

EXT. PEST CONTROL VAN - NIGHT

Surrounded by stripped and abandoned vehicles, the VAN, with a
PEST CONTROL logo on its side, is parked on a trash-littered
street beside the massive pillars of a towering freeway.

INT. PARKED PEST CONTROL VAN

The VAN is packed with SIX ACTIVISTS, SANDY and KWESKIN among
them, all wearing black. Some of them have climbing gear, tool
belts, all sorts of paraphernalia. KWESKIN is telling his story.

KWESKIN
So then he goes into this incredible riff
about how his shrink, like, replicated
his brain while he was in the nut house.
Turned it into a computer.

WELLER
And Fale believed it?

KWESKIN
Oh, you know Fale! He's like, "If you
guys get nailed -- and I'm sure you will --
I never saw you before in nay life!"




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
LAUGHTER from all of them. Then, there's a sharp, rhythmic
series of RAPS on the side door, a signal.

POPE quickly slides the door open. It's JEFFREY...grinning.

Three other activists, GOINES, ICHIOKA, and BRUHNS, stagger out of
the darkness behind JEFFREY, lugging a huge, squirming GARBAGE BAG.

The van occupants react with murmurs of "Awwwwwright" and "Far
out", then they help maneuver the writhing bag into the van.

Then, JEFFREY and the other three scramble in, too.

JEFFREY
Let's do it!

EXT. VAN/FREEWAY

The PEST CONTROL VAN lumbers up a ramp and onto the freeway.

INT. PEST CONTROL VAN/MOVING

The GARBAGE BAG squirms and grunts as JEFFREY holds a map under a
flashlight and goes over "the plan" with the other ACTIVISTS.

JEFFREY
Okay, that's Stage One. In Stage Two,
Monkey Four is over here...

A loud GROAN from the bag distracts the others.

GOINES
What's the harm in opening the bag?
His eyes are taped.

SANDY
Yeah, it's cruel leaving him like that.

JEFFREY
Ah, but cruelty is his specialty.

ICHIOKA
So why should we be like him?

Shrugging cheerfully, JEFFREY tears open the garbage bag revealing
DR. MASON, trussed up, duct tape covering his eyes and mouth.

JEFFREY
Want the full effect?

Grinning wickedly, JEFFREY rips the tape from his father's mouth.

DR. MASON
Jeffrey? I know it's you, Jeffrey. I
recognize your voice.

JEFFREY puts his finger to his lips, silencing everyone.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
DR. MASON
JEFFREY??? ... Very well. You're out
of your mind, Jeffrey. I know all
about your insane plan. That woman --
your psychiatrist -- she told me.

JEFFREY raises his eyebrows. This he hadn't expected.

DR. MASON
I didn't believe her -- it seemed too crazy
even for you. But, just in case, I took steps
to make sure you couldn't do it. I took myself
out of the loop! I don't have the code any
more. I don't have access to the virus. So,
go ahead -- torture me, but you can't extract
anything of use to yourself.

The ACTIVISTS are all exchanging puzzled looks.

JEFFREY
What...virus?

DR. MASON
(spins his head toward Jeffrey)
She knew about it, Jeffrey. She knew
you were going to try this.

JEFFREY
What virus are we talking about, Dad?

DR. MASON
You're insane, Jeffrey.

JEFFREY
You "develop" viruses and you're calling
me insane? Typical. What does this
virus attack? Don't tell me, you sick
fuck, it doesn't matter.
(to the others)
Have I ever "developed" a virus? Do I
put helpless animals in cages and measure
their reactions to electrical stimuli?
Do I inject radioactive substances into
living creatures and examine their
bowel movements? Wow! And I'm crazy!

DR. MASON
Please tell me, Jeffrey, what exactly
are you going to do? I don't have to
tell you I'm afraid.

JEFFREY
THIS IS A FUCKING EXPERIMENT! YOU'RE
OUR HELPLESS LITTLE TEST ANIMAL, DADDY.
GOT THAT? NOW -- WHAT FUCKING VIRUS
HAVE YOU COME UP WITH, YOU DEMENTED




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
FUCKING MANIAC?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Railly prepares for a mission by purchasing men's attire and inquiring about wigs, while Cole observes her. Simultaneously, Jeffrey confronts his father, Dr. Mason, about a virus in a pest control van. Jeffrey accuses Dr. Mason of insanity and being a test subject, escalating into a tense exchange.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Revealing hidden truths
  • High-stakes confrontations
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to complex plot elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping, filled with tension, and reveals crucial information about the characters and their motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unveiling hidden truths, exploring conflicting beliefs, and escalating tensions is effectively executed in this scene.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the revelation of the virus, the confrontation between characters, and the high-stakes situation.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its unconventional character dynamics, morally ambiguous conflicts, and darkly humorous dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex, with conflicting motivations and beliefs, leading to intense confrontations and moral dilemmas.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in their beliefs, motivations, and actions during the scene, leading to character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Railly's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and hide her bruised eye while interacting with the clerk. This reflects her deeper need to conceal her vulnerability and present a strong facade to the outside world.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather supplies for an unknown mission, as indicated by her purchase of men's clothing and inquiry about wigs. This reflects the immediate circumstances of preparing for an upcoming event or task.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with characters facing moral dilemmas, confrontations, and escalating tensions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, moral dilemmas, and intense emotional confrontations that create obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the characters' choices.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing moral dilemmas, life-threatening situations, and the revelation of a deadly virus.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing crucial information, escalating conflicts, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of its unexpected plot twists, morally ambiguous character choices, and intense emotional confrontations. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between cruelty and empathy, as demonstrated by the activists' debate over whether to open the garbage bag containing Dr. Mason. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension, anxiety, and defiance, leading to a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and reveals the characters' inner conflicts and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflicts, moral dilemmas, and unpredictable plot developments. The dialogue and character interactions draw the audience into the story and create a sense of suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension, dialogue, and action. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and maintains a sense of momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions, character interactions, and narrative progression.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with multiple elements introduced without a clear connection or resolution.
  • The transition between Railly shopping for men's clothes and the activists in the pest control van is abrupt and disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Jeffrey and Dr. Mason feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The revelation of Dr. Mason being held captive by his son, Jeffrey, lacks emotional impact and fails to create tension or suspense.
  • The scene fails to build on the existing tension and conflicts, resulting in a lackluster and confusing narrative.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of each scene and ensure they contribute to the overall plot and character development.
  • Improve the transition between different storylines to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Jeffrey and Dr. Mason to add depth to their relationship and motivations.
  • Increase the emotional stakes by developing the conflict between Jeffrey and Dr. Mason, making the scene more engaging for the audience.
  • Focus on building tension and suspense to keep the audience invested in the story and characters.



Scene 36 -  Contemplation at the Movies
INT. MOVIE SCREEN/THEATER - NIGHT

Spooky BERNARD HERRMAN MUSIC, giant redwoods looming skyward.
It's DAYTIME in Muir Woods. SCOTTY (JAMES STEWART) AND MADELINE
(KIM NOVAK) walk toward a display of a cross cut section of a
redwood tree. We're watching Hitchcock's VERTIGO.

SCOTTY (up on the screen)
Here's a cross section of one of the
old trees that's been cut down.

They look at the lines of the tree marked with cards that say,
"BIRTH OF CHRIST", "DISCOVERY OF AMERICA", "MAGNA CARTA SIGNED",
"1066 - BATTLE OF HASTINGS", and "1930 TREE CUT DOWN".

ANGLE ON THE THEATER AUDIENCE, empty seats dimly visible in the
flickering light, a few shadowy MOVIEGOERS scattered here and there.

ANGLE ON THE SCREEN, MADELINE pointing, saying with profound
melancholy.

MADELINE (up on the screen)
Somewhere in here I was born. And here
-- I die. There's only a moment for
you. You don't notice.

ANGLE ON THE AUDIENCE, a shadowy COUPLE near the back of the
theater. WE CAN'T REALLY SEE THEM, but we recognize their VOICES

RAILLY
Here, let me help you.

The theater is briefly illuminated by a very bright scene on the
screen, revealing enough of COLE and RAILLY for us to see she's
doing something to his upper lip while he tries to watch the movie.

COLE
I think I've seen this movie before.
When I was a kid. It was on TV.

RAILLY
(fussing with his upper lip)
Shh -- don't talk. Hold still.

COLE
(moving his head to see the film)
I have seen it, but I don't remember
this part. Funny, it's like what's
happening to us, like the past. The
movie never changes -- it can't change
-- but everytime you see it, it seems
to be different because you're different
-- you notice different things.

RAILLY




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
If we can't change anything...because
it's already happened, then we ought to
at least smell the flowers.

COLE
Flowers! What flowers?

From the darkness, a MOVIE PATRON makes a SSSSHHHHH shound.

RAILLY
(whispering)
It's an expression. Here...

She's pulling something from a shopping bag at her feet, placing
it on COLE'S head, adjusting it...

COLE
Why are we doing this?

RAILLY
So we can stick our heads out the
window and feel the wind and listen to
the music. So we can appreciate what
we have while we have it. Forgive me,
psychiatrists don't cry.

There are tears in her eyes. They discomfit COLE.

COLE
But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're
wrong. Maybe we're both crazy.

RAILLY
In a few weeks, it will have started or
it won't. If there are still baseball
games and traffic jams, armed robberies
and boring TV shows -- we'll be so
happy, we'll be glad to turn ourselves
in to the police.

SHADOWY MOVIEGOER
SHHHHHHH

COLE
(whispers)
Where can we hide for a few weeks?

ANGLE ON THE SCREEN, where SCOTTY and MADELINE are in the foreground,
the OCEAN behind them.

RAILLY
You said you'd never seen the ocean...
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary In a darkened theater, Scotty and Madeline watch Vertigo. Meanwhile, Cole and Railly, a couple in the audience, discuss the film and their own lives. Railly reflects on the importance of appreciating the present moment, prompting Cole to suggest they hide away to escape an impending disaster.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of dialogue
  • Character development
  • Exploration of themes
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion in dialogue
  • Lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, sci-fi, and thriller genres, creating a tense and emotionally resonant moment. The dialogue is poignant and thought-provoking, and the scene sets up a sense of urgency and mystery.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of time travel, memory, and perception is central to the scene, as Cole and Railly grapple with the idea of changing the past and the uncertainty of the future.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Cole and Railly discuss their situation and contemplate their next steps, adding depth to their characters and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on themes of memory, mortality, and fate, with characters engaging in introspective dialogue and existential musings. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cole and Railly are well-developed and complex, with layers of emotion and motivation driving their actions and decisions.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cole and Railly undergo emotional and psychological changes during the scene, deepening their connection and revealing new layers of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Madeline's internal goal is to come to terms with her past and mortality, as reflected in her melancholic dialogue about birth and death. This reflects her deeper need for understanding and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Cole's external goal is to find a way to cope with the uncertain future and impending crisis, as shown in his conversation with Railly about changing the past and appreciating the present.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a sense of internal and external conflict present in the scene, as Cole and Railly grapple with their past, present, and future while facing potential danger and uncertainty.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cole and Railly grapple with existential questions and conflicting beliefs about the past and future. The uncertainty of their situation adds tension and complexity to their interactions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Cole and Railly face potential danger, uncertainty, and the consequences of their actions, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing the characters, advancing the plot, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' uncertain future and philosophical debates about fate and free will. The audience is left wondering how Cole and Railly will navigate their existential crisis and impending crisis.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of fate versus free will, as Cole and Railly discuss the inevitability of the past and the possibility of changing the future. This challenges their beliefs about agency and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including melancholy, tension, hope, and determination, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and dilemmas.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, emotional, and thought-provoking, revealing the inner thoughts and struggles of the characters while advancing the plot and themes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of emotional depth, philosophical musings, and character dynamics. The dialogue and interactions between Cole and Railly draw the audience into their existential crisis and uncertain future.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and introspection to resonate with the audience. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the emotional depth of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-defined and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' internal struggles and philosophical debates.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension, considering the high stakes and danger the characters are facing.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural, especially the philosophical discussions between Cole and Railly.
  • The emotional moments between Cole and Railly could be more impactful with deeper character development and stronger chemistry.
  • The transition from the movie on the screen to the interaction between Cole and Railly is a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more suspense and tension to the scene to reflect the imminent danger the characters are in.
  • Work on making the dialogue more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions.
  • Focus on building a stronger emotional connection between Cole and Railly to make their interactions more engaging.
  • Smooth out the transition between the movie on the screen and the interaction between Cole and Railly for better flow.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the scene.



Scene 37 -  Encounter at the Zoo
EXT. GORILLA'S PEN/ZOO - NIGHT

CLOSE ON A GORILLA, by moonlight, angry, a true nightmare vision.




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
URGENT WHISPERS off screen, RUSTLING SOUNDS. Then, METAL ON METAL.
Only now are we aware that the GORILLA is in an outdoor zoo pen
with phony rocks. Stalking back and forth. Huge. Upset.

CLANK. CLANK. METAL ON METAL. GRUNTS of effort, then, DR.
MASON'S VOICE, plaintive, frightened.

DR. MASON'S VOICE (o.s.)
What are you doing to me? Where are
we? Jeffrey, please...

SANDY'S VOICE (o.s.)
For God's sake, put the tape back on
his mouth!

The GORILLA bellows angrily, beating his chest.

JEFFREY'S VOICE (o.s.)
Forget the tape. The monkey's louder than
he is. You gonna tape the monkey's mouth?

EXT. PANTHERS' PEN/ZOO - NIGHT

Under the full moon, PANTHERS pace back and forth, back and
forth, uttering ominous guttural SNARLS.

EXT. LION'S PEN/ZOO

The KING OF BEASTS gives a deep, fierce ROAR. From the darkness,
unseen ELEPHANTS TRUMPET their response.

EXT. AVIARIES/ZOO

A PANDEMONIUM of WINGS RUSTLING, the sharp metallic CLINKING of
metal on metal, the MUTTER of HUMAN VOICES, then a cacophonous
CRESCENDO of frenzied SCREECHING as PARROTS, COCKATOOS and other
EXOTIC BIRDS careen madly in their cages.

INT. MOVIE THEATER AUDITORIUM

CLOSE ON COLE, dozing fitfully, as the SOUNDS of SCREAMING BIRDS
continue. Suddenly, he comes awake with a start...sees the movie
filling his field of vision.

HIS POV: the MOVIE SCREEN. TIPPI HEDRIN, overwhelmed by
screeching BIRDS in an attic in Hitchcock's THE BIRDS.

ANGLE ON COLE, orienting himself, looking around. Empty seats on
both sides of him. He's alone. He panics.

COLE
Kathryn?!

INT. THEATER LOBBY

A lobby poster boasts "Classics 24 Hours A Day" and "Hitchcock
Festival". PANNING OFF the poster, passing a SNORING USHER, dead




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
to the world in an old velvet chair, WE DISCOVER a BRUNETTE in a
tight dress, just hanging up the lobby pay phone. Turning, she
reveals heavy make-up, gaudy costume jewelry, and sun glasses.
She's the BRUNETTE in COLE'S DREAM! Crossing the lobby toward
the auditorium, it's a pleasure to watch her nice body undulate
in the tight dress.

Just then, the auditorium doors burst open and a BLONDE MAN in a
Hawaiian shirt appears, the man from COLE'S DREAM, except this
man's moustache is fixed firmly on his upper lip. The BLONDE MAN
stops, stunned at the sight of the BRUNETTE.

BRUNETTE
We're booked on a 9:30 flight to Key West.

The Brunette is RAILLY, no longer the frazzled professional,
revealed now by her disguise as a sexy babe. The Blonde Man is
COLE! He's confused.

COLE
You were in my dream just now. I
didn't recognize you.

RAILLY
Well, you look pretty different, too.

COLE
I mean in my dream -- I didn't realize
it was you. Then...I woke up and I...I
thought you were gone.

RAILLY
(studies him seriously)
I remember you...like this. I feel
I've known you before. I feel I've
always known you.

Their eyes lock. Suddenly, she backs up, gently maneuvering him
with her, past the sleeping USHER, to and through an unlocked,
unmarked door, then closing it behind them.
Genres: ["Thriller","Sci-Fi","Drama"]

Summary In the scene 'Encounter at the Zoo', Cole wakes up from a dream in a movie theater and sees the Brunette from his dream, now disguised as a sexy babe. They discuss their encounter in the dream and their feeling of familiarity. Meanwhile, at the zoo, various animals are agitated and making noise in their pens. The scene ends with Cole and Railly leaving the theater together.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Intriguing concept
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Slightly confusing transitions between dream and reality

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines suspense, mystery, and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending dreams, reality, and disguise adds layers to the narrative and creates a sense of intrigue and uncertainty.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the characters' interactions and the revelation of hidden connections, adding depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of dream sequences, zoo settings, and mysterious encounters, creating an original and intriguing narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotional depth, conflicting motivations, and evolving relationships drive the scene and engage the audience.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional and psychological changes, revealing hidden truths and evolving relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile his dream with reality and understand the connection he feels with the woman from his dream. This reflects his deeper desire for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to figure out the significance of the woman from his dream appearing in real life and to follow her lead. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in navigating this mysterious encounter.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, creating tension and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's beliefs and actions, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the central mystery and character dynamics.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of danger, deception, and emotional turmoil raise the tension and keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new information, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected encounters, dream sequences, and mysterious elements that keep the audience guessing about the protagonist's fate and the nature of his connection with the woman.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the blurring of dreams and reality, and the idea of fate or predestined connections between individuals. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the nature of reality and personal relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional depth of the characters, their struggles, and revelations evoke strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, revealing character dynamics, emotions, and hidden truths, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of suspense, mystery, and emotional depth, drawing the audience into the protagonist's journey of self-discovery and connection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, alternating between moments of quiet introspection and sudden bursts of action and revelation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure that effectively builds tension and mystery, leading to a climactic encounter between the protagonist and the woman from his dream.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a powerful and vivid description of the zoo animals' reactions, creating a tense and chaotic atmosphere. However, the transition to Cole waking up in the movie theater feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth connection between the two settings.
  • The introduction of Railly in a disguise as a sexy babe and Cole mistaking her for the Brunette from his dream adds an element of mystery and intrigue. However, the dialogue between Cole and Railly feels somewhat forced and lacks depth, especially considering the emotional weight of their previous interactions.
  • The sudden shift from the intense zoo setting to the more lighthearted interaction between Cole and Railly in the theater lobby feels jarring and disrupts the tension established earlier in the scene. The tone and pacing of the scene could benefit from a more gradual transition between these contrasting moments.
  • The revelation that Railly and Cole recognize each other from a dream adds an interesting layer to their relationship, but the execution of this revelation could be more impactful with stronger emotional cues and character development.
  • The scene ends with Railly and Cole entering an unlocked, unmarked door, leaving the reader with a sense of mystery and anticipation. However, the significance of this action and its implications for the plot could be further clarified and developed.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between the intense zoo setting and the more intimate interaction between Cole and Railly in the theater lobby to create a smoother flow of events.
  • Focus on deepening the emotional connection between Cole and Railly during their conversation in the lobby, exploring their complex feelings and history in a more nuanced way.
  • Maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene to ensure a cohesive and engaging narrative that effectively conveys the tension and intrigue of the story.
  • Enhance the impact of the revelation about Cole and Railly recognizing each other from a dream by incorporating subtle cues and character development to build anticipation and curiosity.
  • Clarify the significance of Railly and Cole entering the unlocked door at the end of the scene to provide a clearer sense of direction and purpose for their actions.



Scene 38 -  Passionate Interlude Amidst Urban Chaos
INT. STORAGE ROOM/MOVIE THEATER

RAILLY and COLE are in a dimly lit cluttered storage room. She
kisses him hungrily amid the brooms, plastic trash barrels, other
janitorial items. COLE responds to her passion as they move
deeper into the room, its walls covered with old movie posters.
Tearing at each other's clothes, they collapse on a rolled
theater curtain among stacks of ancient theater seats.

EXT. SUBURBS - DAWN

The red rim of the rising sun is just becoming visible beyond the
silhouetted roofs of an upper middle-class suburban neighborhood.
The early light is so vague that when a huge SIBERIAN TIGER pads
across a neatly-trimmed lawn, he's more a shadowy vision than
reality. Did we really see him at all?




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAWN

The rising sun flares behind the towering silhouette of an unfinished
building, deserted in the early morning light. High up, a MONKEY
his head around a girder.

Four stories below, other MONKEYS are climbing.

EXT. SHOPPING MALL - DAWN

Deserted in the first light of dawn, the stores face each other
across a broad promenade with blank staring windows.

Nothing happens. For a long moment. Then, an AFRICAN BULL
ELEPHANT appears, turning the corner, lumbering toward us along
the promenade, raising his trunk to TRUMPET triumphantly to the
other ELEPHANTS trotting into view behind him.

INT. TAXICAB/CITY STREETS - EARLY MORNING

A fiftyish WOMAN CABBIE with white hair and a Southern twang is
at the wheel of the cab.

WOMAN CABBlE
What time's your flight, friends?

In the back seat, COLE, in the blonde wig and moustache, looks to
his companion, the sexy babe in sun glasses and heavy make-up, RAILLY.

RAILLY
Nine thirty

WOMAN CABBIE
Might be tight.

RAILLY
(startled, checks her watch)
Tight? My watch says 7:30.

WOMAN CABBIE
On your normal mornin', okay, plenty a
time, but today, gotta take inta account
your Army-of-the-Twelve-Monkeys factor.

RAILLY
What? What did you say?

WOMAN CABBIE
Twelve Monkeys, honey. Guess you folks
didn't turn on your radio this morning.

COLE and RAILLY exchange a quick look.

WOMAN CABBIE
Bunch a weirdoes let all the animals outta
the zoo last night. Then they locked up




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
this big shot scientist in one of the cages.
Scientist's own kid was one a the ones did it!

RAILLY and COLE stare at the cabbie, stunned.

WOMAN CABBlE
Now they got animals all over the
place. Buncha zebras shut down the
thruway 'bout an hour ago and some
kinda thing called an "e-mu" it's got
traffic blocked for miles over on 22.

Flabbergasted, RAILLY'S eyes suddenly fill with hope.

RAILLY
That's what they were up to! Freeing
animals!

COLE
On the walls -- they meant the animals
when they said, "We did it."

WOMAN CABBIE
You can hear it on the radio all the
stations...

As the WOMAN CAEBIE switches on the RADIO, RA:LLY points and COLE
follows her look.

COLE'S POV: two CHEETAHS, sleek and magnificent against the
cityscape, streaking past the cab at ninety mph!

ANNOUNCER/RADIO (o.s.)
In the meantime, numerous animal rights
activists have joined the chorus
condemning what they're calling the
"loose canon" activities of Jeffrey
Mason and his Army of the Twelve
Monkeys.
RIGHTS ACTIVIST/RADIO (o.s.)
Can these fools seriously believe that
releasing a captive animal into an
urban environment is being compassionate
to the animal? It's mindlessly cruel,
almost as indefensible as holding the
animal in captivity in the first place.

RAILLY and COLE are watching FLAMINGOS cross the sky against a
backdrop of skyscrapers in silhouette.

RAILLY
Maybe it's going to be okay.
Genres: ["Thriller","Sci-Fi","Romance"]

Summary Railly and Cole find solace in a stolen moment within the confines of a dimly lit storage room. As they indulge in their forbidden desire, the city outside descends into chaos as wild animals roam free, released by the enigmatic Army of the Twelve Monkeys. Amidst the pandemonium, a glimmer of hope emerges for Railly as she comprehends the underlying purpose behind the animal liberation.
Strengths
  • Unique concept
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Complex characters
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Slightly confusing plot progression
  • Some unrealistic elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of thriller, sci-fi, and romance genres to create a tense and mysterious atmosphere while also introducing a hopeful tone. The mix of emotions and the unexpected events keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of animals being released from the zoo adds a unique and intriguing element to the scene, creating chaos and uncertainty. The blend of thriller, sci-fi, and romantic elements enhances the complexity of the concept.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters navigate a dangerous situation involving the release of animals from the zoo and their own personal struggles. The unexpected events and revelations keep the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and fresh concept of animals being released into an urban environment, adding a mysterious and chaotic element to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show depth and complexity as they face challenges and make difficult decisions. Their interactions and emotions add layers to the scene, making it more engaging.

Character Changes: 7

At least one character, Cole, shows a significant change as he confronts his violent side and makes difficult decisions to protect Railly. This change adds depth to his character and drives the plot forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the significance of the animals being released and how it relates to their mission.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make it to the airport on time despite the chaos caused by the released animals.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high as the characters navigate a dangerous situation involving the release of animals from the zoo and their own personal struggles. Tensions rise as they face challenges and make difficult decisions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing challenges caused by the released animals and the chaos in the city.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters face a dangerous situation involving the release of animals from the zoo, personal struggles, and the threat of capture by the authorities. The tension and uncertainty add to the high stakes of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new challenges, revelations, and character developments. The unexpected events and emotional moments keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected events like the release of animals from the zoo and the chaos it causes in the city.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of releasing captive animals into an urban environment and the consequences of such actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact as the characters experience shock, hope, confusion, and tension. The audience is drawn into their emotions and struggles, creating a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, confusion, and hope present in the scene. It reveals the characters' emotions and motivations, driving the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines intimate moments between the characters with chaotic events, creating a sense of urgency and mystery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing intimate moments with chaotic events, creating a sense of urgency and mystery.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre by introducing the characters, setting up the conflict, and building tension effectively.


Critique
  • The scene transitions from a passionate encounter in a cluttered storage room to various wild animals roaming in different locations in the city, creating a disjointed and abrupt shift in tone and setting.
  • The sudden introduction of the animals and their actions, such as a Siberian tiger on a suburban lawn and monkeys climbing a construction site, feels disconnected from the intimate moment between Railly and Cole, leading to confusion for the audience.
  • The dialogue between the characters and the cab driver about the animals being released from the zoo and the activities of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys lacks a smooth transition from the previous scene, making it feel forced and out of place.
  • The revelation about the animals being freed and the mention of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys could have been integrated more seamlessly into the narrative to maintain the emotional intensity and coherence of the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear thematic focus or emotional throughline, as it shifts abruptly from a romantic moment to a discussion about animal rights activism and the activities of the Twelve Monkeys.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to maintain a consistent tone and focus on the emotional connection between Railly and Cole, rather than introducing unrelated elements like the animals and the Army of the Twelve Monkeys.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between scenes by establishing a clear link between the intimate encounter in the storage room and the subsequent events involving the animals and the cab driver.
  • Integrate the revelation about the animals being freed and the activities of the Twelve Monkeys more organically into the narrative to enhance the coherence and impact of the scene.
  • Focus on developing the emotional arc of the characters and the central themes of the screenplay to create a more cohesive and engaging storytelling experience for the audience.
  • Consider streamlining the dialogue and narrative elements to maintain the scene's momentum and avoid jarring shifts in tone and focus.



Scene 39 -  Echoes of the Past at the Airport Terminal
INT. TICKET COUNTER/AIRPORT TERMINAL - MORNING

CLOSY ON copies of the mug shot of COLE and a photo of RAILLY
while the airport P.A. SYSTEM DRONES in the b.g..




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REVEAL a DETECTIVE, giving the flyers to the uniformed SUPERVISOR
at one end of the ticket counter.

DETECTIVE
Tell your people if they spot either
one of them, not to try and apprehend
then. They should notify us and...

ANGLE ON RAILLY AND COLE, thirty yards away, entering the terminal.

P.A. SYSTEM
-- Flight 531 for Chicago is now ready
for boarding at Gate Seventeen.

ANGLE ON COLE, reacting to the P.A., stopping, seeing the
bustling airport lobby.

COLE
I know this place! ... This is my dream.

RAILLY
Airports all look the same. Maybe
it's...
(turning, reacting)
James! Your moustache! It's slipping.

But COLE isn't listening. He's looking around, mesmerized.

COLE
It's not just my dream. I was actually
here! I remember now. My parents
brought me to meet my uncle. About a
week or two before...before...before
everybody started dying.

RAILLY glances around nervously.

RAILLY'S POV: two UNIFORMED POLICEMEN, strolling through the
lobby, their eyes scanning the faces of TRAVELERS.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, pulling a small tube from her purse.

RAILLY
They may be looking for us, James.
(placing the tube in his hand)
Use this. You can fix it in the Men's Room.

COLE
(confounded)
I was here...as a kid. I think you
were here, too. But you...looked just
like you look now.

RAILLY
(getting desperate)
James, if we're identified, they're




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going to send us someplace...but not to
Key West!

COLE
(snaps out of it, hand to moustache)
Right! You're right. I have to fix this.

RAILLY
(indicating a sign)
I'll get the tickets and meet you... in
the Gift Shop.

COLE follows her look, nods, then heads for the Men's Room as
RAILLY, in sun glasses, gaudy outfit, high heels, starts clip
clopping toward the ticket counter, her ass attracting admiring
glances.

INT. TELEPHONES/LOBBY - DAY

BUSINESS TRAVELERS huddle over pay phones, talking earnestly, as
COLE walks past on his way to the Men's Room.

Seeing an unoccupied phone, COLE hesitates, considers it. Coming
to a decision, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out some change.

INT. TZCKET COUNTER/TERMINAL

CLOSE ON the flyer of COLE and RAILLY taped under the counter,
hidden from the customers, but in clear view of the TICKET AGENT
who has just finished serving a PORTLY GENTLEMAN. The GENTLEMAN
walks away.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, stepping up to the counter, smiling, looking
nothing like the Railly on the flyer.

RAILLY
Judy Simmons. I have reservations for
Key West.

INT. PAY PHONES/TERMINAL

COLE is speaking into the phone very low, very private, very intense.

COLE
Listen, I don't know whether you're
there or not. Maybe you just clean
carpets. If you do, you're lucky --
you're gonna live a long, happy life.
But if you other guys exist and you're
picking this up -- forget about the
Army of The Twelve Monkeys -- they
didn't do it. It was a mistake'
Someone else did it. The Army of The
Twelve Monkeys are just dumb kids
playing revolutionaries. It was
someone else!




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COLE looks around nervously, catches a BUSINESSMAN at the next
phone looking away quickly. COLE touches his loose moustache as
he averts his face and speaks into the phone in an urgent whisper.

COLE
I've done my job. I did what you wanted.
Good luck. I'm not coming back!

COLE hangs up the phone, looks around, catches a few stares.
Averting his face, he heads for the Men's Room.

INT. TICKET COUNTER - DAY

The TICKET AGENT is counting out a stack of bills.

TICKET AGENT
Don't see a lot of this... cash.

RAILLY
It's...a long story.

TICKET AGENT
(smiles, hands over the tickets)
They'll begin boarding in about twenty
minutes. Have a nice flight, Mrs. Simmons.

Turning to go, RAILLY fumbles the tickets while trying to put
them in her purse and they flutter to the floor. As she kneels
to retrieve them, WE SEE the long line of waiting TRAVELERS from
the waist down. WE SEE a familiar Chicago Bulls Sports Bag
resting on the floor beside sneakers and gaudy baggy pants.
we've seen this outfit before...in COLE'S dream...on MR. PONYTAIL!

INT. MEN'S ROOM/AIRPORT - DAY

The P.A. DRONES as CCLE, head down, lingers at a sink, washing
and rewashing his hands while another TRAVELER finishes drying
his hands, gives COLE a quizzical look, then leaves.

Quickly, COLE glances around, checks the seemingly empty Men's
Room, then takes the tube of adhesive from his pocket, puts some
goop under the loose edge of his moustache and presses it firmly
against his face as he leans close to the mirror.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Got yourself a prob, Bob?

COLE whirls, looks for the source of the VOICE. Nothing! Until
he spots shoes peeking from dropped trousers indicating an
occupied stall. It must be him!

COLE
Leave me alone! I made a report. I
didn't have to do that.

RASPY VOICE (o.s.)
Point of fact -- you don't belong here.




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It's not permitted to let you stay.

A toilet FLUSHES in the "occupied" stall. COLE'S answer is loud
and defiant.

COLE
This is the present. This is not the past.
This is not the future. This is right now!

A PLUMP BUSINESSMAN emerges from the "occupied" stall, gives COLE
a wary look and a wide berth as he heads for a sink.

COLE
I'm staying here! You got that? You
can't stop me!

PLUMP MAN
(high pitched voice)
Anything you say, chief. It's none of
my business.

COLE looks dismayed. This guy couldn't be "THE VOICE"! And there
are no feet showing under the other stalls. Did he imagine it?
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In the heart of a bustling airport terminal, detective hands over flyers of Cole and Railly, instructing supervision for notification rather than apprehension. Amidst the chaos, Cole reminisces about a forgotten childhood memory, while Railly procures tickets to Key West. Cole's attempt to fix his mustache in the restroom is met with a cryptic voice from an occupied stall, questioning his presence. Exiting the stall, a businessman leaves Cole uncertain of the voice's origin, creating a conflict between Cole's present reality and the mysterious suggestion. The scene concludes with Cole grappling with this newfound uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be confusing for viewers
  • Complexity of time travel concept may be challenging for some audiences to follow

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and keeps the audience engaged with its fast-paced action and intriguing dialogue. The mix of genres adds depth to the story and creates a sense of mystery and suspense.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of time travel and the consequences of altering the past are central to the scene. The characters' struggle to navigate a complex web of events and identities adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate and engaging, with multiple layers of mystery and suspense. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets up new conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the time-travel genre by focusing on the protagonist's personal memories and emotional journey, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear. The dynamic between Cole and Railly is compelling, and their actions drive the plot forward.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cole and Railly undergo significant changes in the scene, as they confront their past actions and make difficult decisions to protect themselves and each other.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to remember and make sense of his past memories, specifically his childhood visit to the airport before a tragic event occurred.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to avoid being identified by the police and to fix his disguise in order to continue evading capture.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal and external. The characters face challenges from the authorities, their own past actions, and the consequences of time travel.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with law enforcement, personal memories, and internal conflicts creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face the threat of capture by the authorities and the consequences of their actions. The tension and urgency are palpable throughout.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts and challenges for the characters to overcome. It sets up the next phase of the narrative and raises the stakes for the protagonists.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's actions and interactions, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle to reconcile his past memories with his present reality, as well as the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to shock and determination. The characters' struggles and the high stakes of their situation create a sense of urgency and emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and serves to advance the plot and reveal character motivations. There are moments of tension and emotion that add depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful dialogue, and character interactions that keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of action, dialogue, and introspective moments that keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with well-defined character actions and dialogue that advance the plot and develop the protagonist's goals.


Critique
  • The scene at the airport terminal lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension, considering that Cole and Railly are being actively pursued by the authorities.
  • The dialogue between Cole and Railly feels somewhat disjointed and lacks a sense of urgency or desperation, given their precarious situation.
  • The interaction with the raspy voice in the restroom stall could be more impactful and eerie to enhance the suspense and mystery surrounding Cole's experiences.
  • The transition between different locations within the airport terminal could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The visual cues, such as the flyers of Cole and Railly and the familiar Chicago Bulls Sports Bag, could be more subtly integrated into the scene to create a sense of impending danger.
Suggestions
  • Intensify the sense of urgency and tension by having Cole and Railly display more fear and desperation in their actions and dialogue.
  • Enhance the interaction with the raspy voice in the restroom stall to make it more eerie and unsettling, adding to the mystery surrounding Cole's experiences.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between different locations within the airport terminal to maintain the flow of the scene and keep the audience engaged.
  • Consider integrating visual cues, such as the flyers of Cole and Railly and the Chicago Bulls Sports Bag, more subtly to create a sense of impending danger without being too overt.
  • Add more suspenseful elements, such as heightened surveillance by the authorities or unexpected encounters with familiar faces, to increase the stakes and keep the audience on edge.



Scene 40 -  Airport Confrontation
INT. TICKET COUNTER - DAY

The Chicago Bulls bag! It's on the counter in front of the
TICKET AGENT who's reviewing a stack of tickets in awe...

TICKET AGENT
Woooo-eeee. San Francisco, New
Orleans, Rio de Janeiro, Rome,
Kinshasa, Karachi, Bangkok, Peking!
That's some trip you're taking, sir,
All in one week!

MR. PONYTAIL (o.s.)
Business.

TICKET AGENT
(handing over the tickets)
Have a good one, sir.

INT. TERMINAL LOBBY

COLE emerges from the Men's Room, shaken, paranoid. He glances
around nervously. Then, keeping his head down, he starts walking
toward the Gift Shop. Before he gets more than a few steps,
someone suddenly grabs his shoulder from behind.

FAMILIAR VOICE (o.s.)
You gotta be crazy, man!

COLE whirls, finds himself facing a Puerto Rican youth in an L.A.
Raiders jacket, a sideways baseball cap, and mirrored sun glasses

COLE




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Jo...Jose????

JOSE
Pulling out the tooth, man, that was
nuts! Here, take this.

JOSE tries to slip COLE a 9mm pistol. Astonished, COLE resists!

COLE
What? What for? Are you crazy?

Frustrated, JOSE conceals the gun but keeps a grip on COLE'S arm.

JOSE
Me? Are you kiddin? You're the one!
You were a hero, man. They gave you a
pardon! And whadda you do? You come
back and fuck with your teeth! Wow!

COLE
How did you find me?

JOSE
The phone call, man. The phone call.

COLE
The call I just made? Five minutes ago?

JOSE
Hey, five minutes ago, thirty years ago!
Yes, that phone call. I been in training
for this a couple a months now -- ever
since I got back from that... "weird"
war we were in. You remember that?
(pressing the pistol on Cole)
Here, take it, man! You could still be
a hero if you'd cooperate!

INT. GIFT SHOP/TERMINAL - DAY

RAILLY takes a travel book on Key West from a rack, considers it,
includes it with several magazines she's holding. She doesn't
notice MR. PONYTAZL enter the Gift Shop behind her!

The P.A. System DRONES flight info as RAILLY checks her watch and
frowns. It's getting late and where's Cole? She turns, heads
for the cash register to make her purchases.

MR. PONYTAIL, seen from behind, is at the cash register already.
He sets a newspaper on the counter and searches for change.

The paper features a banner headline..."ANIMALS SET FREE" and a
sub head..."PROMINENT SCIENTIST FOUND LOCKED IN GORILLA CAGE"
over a photo of DR. MASON being released from the cage and
another photo of a GORILLA perched atop a parked car.

Stepping in line behind MR. PONYTAIL, RAILLY checks her watch




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
again. Then, MR. PONYTAIL, having paid, turns to go and RAILLY
looks up and sees his face. though it is not visible to us.

Startled, RAILLY frowns. Does she know this man?

MR. PONYTAIL pauses for a moment, considering the babe in the
shades, gaudy earrings, the tight skirt, and high heels.

RAILLY doesn't recognize the man, but we do! He's DR. MASON'S
ASSISTANT, DR. PETERS...the man who attended RAILLY's lecture!

Smiling, DR. PETERS steps around RAILLY and exits the Gift Shop.

Still puzzled, RAILLY puts her purchases on the counter and the
CLERK starts ringing them up as a DELIVERY MAN comes in and drops
a bundle of newspapers at her feet.

RAILLY'S POV: the front page shows a photo of three frightened
GIRAFFES in freeway gridlock under a headline proclaiming, "TERRORISTS
CREATE CHAOS". Further down are two more photos...DR. MASON in the
gorilla cage and a file photo of DR. MASON in his lab.

CLOSE ON THE SHOT OF DR. MASON in his lab. There's someone else
in the picture. It's a man wearing a lab coat and a PONYTAIL!

ANGLE ON RAILLY, reacting, suddenly remembering!

MEMORY FLASHBACK! INT. RECEPTION ROOM/BREITROSE HALL - NIGHT

RAILLY looks up from the book she's signing and sees DR. PETERS.

DR. PETERS
Isn't it obvious that "Chicken Little"
represents the sane vision and that
Homo Sapiens' motto, "Let's go shopping!"
is the cry of the true lunatic?

INT. GIFT SHOP - DAY

RAILLY, stunned, stares in the direction PETERS/PONYTAIL went.

RAILLY
Oh, my God!

P.A SYSTEM
-- flight 764 for San Francisco is now
ready for boarding at Gate 36.

INT. LOBBY - DAY

In the confusion of TRAVELERS streaming in different directions,
COLE hurries toward the Gift Shop while JOSE struggles to keep up.

JOSE
Coma on, Cole, don't be an asshole.
(then, blurting it out)
Look, I got orders, man! You know what




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I'm sposed to do if you don't go along?
I'm sposed to shoot the lady! You got
that? They said, "If Cole don't obey
this time, Garcia, you gotta shoot his
girlfriend!"

COLE stops in his tracks, blown away, too stunned to speak.

JOSE
I got no choice, man. These are my
orders. Just take it, okay?

COLE accepts the gun this time, resigned now. They've got him.

COLE
This part isn't about the virus, is it?

JOSE
Hey, man...

COLE
It's about obeying, about doing what
you're told.

JOSE
They gave you a pardon, man. Whatdaya
want?

COLE
Who am I supposed to shoot?

Just then, RAILLY rushes up to COLE, not even noticing JOSE.

RAILLY
James! Thank God! I thought you'd
disappeared. Listen, I think I know
who it is! I saw him! It's Dr. Mason's
assistant. An apocalypse nut! The next
flight to San Francisco leaves from Gate 38.
If he's there, it has to be him.

JOSE, having heard this, steps back into the crowd as RAILLY
grabs COLE and pulls him toward the Security Check Points.

COLE
I love you, Kathryn. Remember that.

She doesn't hear him or see the look of doom in his eyes.

RAILLY
Maybe we can stop him. Maybe we can
actually do something.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Cole faces pressure from Jose, who threatens Railly's life unless he cooperates. Railly suspects Mason's assistant as the mastermind, but Cole and Railly remain unaware of the dangers ahead as they move towards the Security Check Points.
Strengths
  • High tension
  • Complex characters
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Certain character actions may seem unrealistic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension, and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The mix of emotions, high stakes, and unexpected twists make it a compelling watch.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of characters trying to prevent a disaster while facing personal challenges and unexpected obstacles is well-executed. The use of memory flashbacks adds depth to the story and enhances the suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate, with multiple layers of conflict, mystery, and character development. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets up future events effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements like the unexpected appearance of Dr. Mason's assistant and the moral complexity of Cole's choices. The dialogue feels authentic and drives the narrative forward.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are complex, with conflicting motivations and emotions. Their interactions drive the scene forward and reveal more about their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo some changes in the scene, particularly in their relationships and understanding of the situation. Their actions and decisions reflect their growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cole's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a dangerous situation and protect his loved ones while grappling with his past actions and the consequences they have brought upon him.

External Goal: 7.5

Cole's external goal is to prevent a potential disaster orchestrated by Dr. Mason's assistant and stop the spread of a deadly virus.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with characters facing physical danger, emotional turmoil, and moral dilemmas. The stakes are raised, and the tension is palpable.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cole facing a difficult choice that puts him at odds with his own beliefs and values, adding complexity to the conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with characters facing life-threatening situations, moral dilemmas, and the potential for a catastrophic event. The urgency and danger add tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revelations, and challenges for the characters. It sets up the next phase of the narrative effectively.

Unpredictability: 8.5

The scene is unpredictable due to the sudden appearance of Dr. Mason's assistant and the unexpected turn of events that challenge the characters' beliefs and choices.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of obedience, morality, and sacrifice. Cole is faced with the dilemma of following orders or standing up for what he believes is right.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and anxiety to love and determination. The characters' struggles and the high stakes contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and serves the purpose of advancing the plot and revealing character traits. It effectively conveys the tension and emotions of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its high stakes, fast-paced action, and emotional conflicts that keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and character development that maintains the audience's interest and builds suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8.5

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-defined structure with clear transitions between locations and characters, maintaining the momentum of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scenes, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
  • The introduction of Jose and the sudden appearance of a gun feels forced and out of place, disrupting the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between Cole and Jose lacks depth and emotional resonance, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The revelation about Jose being ordered to shoot Railly comes across as contrived and melodramatic, diminishing the impact of the moment.
  • The scene fails to effectively build tension and suspense, missing an opportunity to engage the audience and create a sense of urgency.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the introduction of Jose and the gun to make it more organic and integral to the plot.
  • Focus on developing the emotional dynamics between Cole, Railly, and Jose to create a more compelling and engaging interaction.
  • Explore alternative ways to reveal the threat to Railly's life that feel more authentic and impactful.
  • Work on building suspense and tension throughout the scene to keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.
  • Ensure a smoother transition from the previous scenes to maintain the narrative coherence and flow.



Scene 41 -  Confrontation and Suspicions at Airport Security
INT. SECURITY CHECK POINT/TERMINAL - DAY

A young boy of nine passes through the magnetic arch grinning.
YOUNG COLE! Exactly as he appears in the dream!




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
He joins his PARENTS, who are only visible from their chests
down, and they continue along the concourse. WE LINGER and
DISCOVER two DETECTIVES watching TRAVELERS as they pass through
the magnetic arch and retrieve their bags from the X-ray machine,
comparing their faces to photos of COLE and RAILLY.

ANGLE ON A SECURITY OFFICER, watching the x-ray monitor.

ANGLE ON THE MONITOR, showing the X-RAY IMAGE of a sports bag moving
along the conveyer belt. The bag contains some strange objects.

ANGLE ON THE SECURITY OFFICER, reacting.

SECURITY OFFICER
Excuse me, sir. Would you mind letting me
have a look at the contents of your bag?

ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, coming through the magnetic arch, reacting.

DR. PETERS
Me? Oh, yes, of course. My samples.
I have the appropriate papers.

INT. END OF LINE/SECURITY CHECK POINT

RAILLY AND COLE arrive at the very long suddenly stalled line of
TRAVELERS waiting to pass through security.

RAILLY
Oh, God, we don't have time for this.

ANGLE ON THE SECURITY CHECK POINT, where DR. PETERS unpacks his
Bulls bag, pulls out six metal cylinders along with a change of
clothes and a Walkman.

DR. PETERS
Biological samples. I have the
paperwork right here.

DR. PETERS produces a sheaf of official papers while the SECURITY
OFFICER examines one of the tubes, turning it over in his hands.

SECURITY OFFICER
I'm going to have to ask you to open
this, sir.

DR. PETERS
Open it?
(blinks stupidly, then)
Of course.

DR. PETERS takes the metal cylinder and starts opening it.

There's a SOUND of VOICES RAISED behind them. DR. PETERS pays no
attention, but the SECURITY OFFICER turns toward the NOISE.




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SECURITY OFFICER'S POV: RAILLY, trying to explain something to a
SECOND SECURITY OFFICER.

ANGLE ON THE TWO DETECTIVES, nearby, showing interest in the
commotion.

ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, oblivious to the fuss, pulling a closed
glass tube out of the metal cylinder.

DR. PETERS
Here! You see? Biological! Check the
papers -- it's all proper. I have a
permit.

SECURITY OFFICER
It's empty!

Indeed, it looks like a sealed clear glass tube with nothing in it.

DR. PETERS
Well, yes, to be sure, it looks empty!
But I assure you, it's not.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, at the end of the line, arguing with the SECOND
SECURITY OFFICER.

RAILLY
Please listen to me -- this is very urgent!

SECOND SECURITY OFFICER
You'll have to get in line, ma'am.

TRAVELER
We're all in a hurry, lady. What's so
special about you?

ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, producing the glass tubes from the other
metal cylinders as the SECURITY OFFICER examines the papers.

DR. PETERS
You see! Also invisible to the naked eye.

A beat. OR. PETERS grins suddenly, opens one of the glass tubes,
and waves it under the SECURITY OFFICER'S nose!

DR. PETERS
It doesn't even have an odor.

The SECURITY OFFICER glances up, sees what DR. PETERS is doing,
and smiles as he hands the papers back to the scientist.

SECURITY OFFICER
That's not necessary, sir. Here you
go. Thanks for your cooperation. Have
a good flight.

Hastily, DR. PETERS snatches up all the tubes and cylinders and




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
shoves them back into his gym bag.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, raging as the SECOND SECURITY OFFICER jabs her
with his finger.

SECOND SECURITY OFFICER
Who are you calling a "moron"?

COLE
Get your hands off her!

The SECOND SECURITY OFFICER stiffens for trouble.

ANGLE ON THE DETECTIVES, watching the fuss, ready to get
involved. Suddenly, the FIRST DETECTIVE frowns.

FIRST DETECTIVE9S POV: COLE'S moustache is slipping. COLE
senses it, reaches up to touch it, catches the DETECTIVE'S look.
For half a second their eyes meet, then COLE looks away.

ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, hurrying away.

SECURITY OFFICER'S VOICE (o.s.}
HOLD IT! JUST A MOMENT.

DR. PETERS freezes, turns, ashen.

The SECURITY OFFICER is retrieving a pair of jockey shorts from
the floor beside the search table. He waves them at DR. PETERS.

DR. PETERS hurries back for his underpants.

ANGLE ON COLE, trying to keep his head turned away as he
confronts the SECURITY OFFICER.

COLE
I said, get your hands off her. She's
not a criminal. She's a doctor...a
psychiatrist.

RAILLY looks alarmed at that.

ANGLE ON THE DETECTIVES, coming this way. The FIRST DETECTIVE
has the photos in his hand.

ANGLE OW DR. PETERS, bagging his jockey shorts, then starting
hastily down the windowed concourse toward the gates.

ANGLE ON RAZZLY, suddenly spotting DR. PETERS!

RAILLY
THERE HE IS! HE'S CARRYING A DEADLY
VIRUS! STOP HIM!

ANGLE ON COLE, following RAILLY'S look, seeing MR. PONYTAIL, THE
MAN FROM HIS DREAM!




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, frightened, glancing back, walking faster.

RAILLY (o.s.)
PLEASE, SOMEBODY -- STOP HIM!

ANGLE ON DETECTIVES, reaching RAILLY and COLE.

FIRST DETECTIVE
(raising his badge)
Police Officers. Would you step over
here, please.

ANGLE ON COLE, spotting something behind the DETECTIVES!

COLE'S POV: SCARFACE, dressed like a "businessman"! He gives
COLE a cold look.

A beat. COLE lunges at the SECOND DETECTIVE, knocking him off
balance, then sprints toward the magnetic arch and through it.

The ALARM goes off!!!!

The FIRST SECURITY OFFICER tries to stop COLE, but COLE knocks
him aside like a rag doll.

ANGLE ON DR. PETERS, fifty yards up the concourse, glancing back.

ANGLE ON COLE, pulling his pistol.

ANGLE ON THE SECOND SECURITY OFFICER.

FIRST SECURITY OFFICER
HE'S GOT A GUN!

ANGLE ON THE FIRST DETECTIVE, raising his pistol at COLE.

FIRST DETECTIVE
STOP OR I'LL SHOOT!

ANGLE ON COLE, gun in hand, sprinting along the concourse toward
DR. PETERS as frightened TRAVELERS SCREAM and dive for cover.

ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, standing at a concourse window, watching a
plane land, flanked by his parents whose faces we don't see.

IT'S SUDDENLY AS IF THE DREAM IS HAPPENING IN REAL LIFE!!! THE
SAME MOKENTS INTERSPERSED WITH "NEW" MOMENTS FROM THE POV OF
YOUNG COLE who, hearing the commotion, turns just as DR. PETERS
hurries by. DR. PETERS bumps into YOUNG COLE and reacts by
pulling his Bulls bag close to his body and calling...

DR. PETERS
WATCH IT!

ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, wide eyed, watching...

YOUNG COLE'S POV: a BLONDE MAN. dashing up the concourse, his




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
moustache slipping over his lip, a pistol in his hand.

YOUNG COLE'S POV: the FIRST DETECTIVE aims, looking for a clear
shot in the crowded passageway.

YOUNG COLE'S POV: a BRUNETTE in flashy clothes, gaudy earrings,
high heels, and sun glasses SCREAMS...

BRUNETTE (RAILLY)
N0OOOOO0O!!!!!!

YOUNG COLE'S POV: the FIRST DETECTIVE, firing! CRACK!

YOUNG COLE'S POV: the BLONDE MAN, shuddering, staggering, falling.

ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, stunned, as his PARENTS try to shield him.

MOTHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
My God! They shot that man!

Mesmerized, YOUNG COLE watches the BRUNETTE rush to the BLONDE
MAN, kneel beside him, minister to his bloody wound.

YOUNG COLE'S POV: the BLONDE MAN, fatalistically reaching up
and tenderly touching the BRUNETTE'S cheek, touching her tears.
(WE'VE SEEN THIS EXACT IMAGE IN COLE'S DREAM, A POWERFUL MOMENT,
UNFOLDING UNNATURALLY SLOWLY, OPENING LIKE A FLOWER.)

ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, not able to hear their words, but he can see
emotion as the BLONDE MAN tries to tell the sobbing BRUNETTE
something.

YOUNG COLE'S POV: PARAMEDICS, breaking the spell, pushing the
BRUNETTE aside as they crouch beside the BLONDE MAN.

FATHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Come along, son, this is no place for us.

ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, as his FATHER'S ARM drapes over his shoulder,
steering him. YOUNG COLE turns to look back as he's led away.

YOUNG COLE'S POV: the PARAMEDICS, exchanging glances, shrugging
helplessly. It's too late. The BLONDE MAN is dead.

YOUNG COLE sees the BRUNETTE, her face streaked with tears,
suddenly turn and look around, scanning the crowd, searching for
something. POLICE OFFICERS approach her, say something to her.
Even as she responds, her eyes continue to scan the concourse.

ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, being hurried toward the lobby by his PARENTS
(whose faces remain out of view). He can't help sneaking another
look back.

YOUNG COLE'S POV: POLICE, handcuffing a distracted, unresisting
RAILLY. Even now, she continues to look around almost frantically.

Suddenly, her gaze falls on YOUNG COLE and she reacts...she's




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
found what she's looking for!

ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, reacting to the intensity of her look.

ANGLE ON RAILLY, her eyes speaking to the boy across the crowded
concourse.

ANGLE ON YOUNG COLE, overwhelmed by the look.

FATHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Hurry up, son.

With a last lingering look toward the mysterious BRUNETTE, YOUNG
COLE turns away, tears welling in his eyes. WE MOVE IN...CLOSE...
CLOSE...CLOSER...on his eyes. WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE TEAR MEANS,
BUT THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE IS THINKING,
BUT WE KNOW VERY WELL WHAT HE WILL REMEMBER!

MOTHER'S VOICE (o.s.)
Pretend it was just a bad dream, Jimmy.
Genres: ["Thriller","Mystery","Drama"]

Summary Cole, a young boy identified from a dream, navigates airport security with his parents while detectives monitor travelers. A suspicious cylinder is questioned, and Railly engages in an argument with a security officer. Cole suspects Dr. Peters from his dream, leading to a confrontation and pursuit by a detective. The detective shoots Cole, and Railly, who spots young Cole in the crowd, is handcuffed and taken away.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Revelation of past events
  • High-stakes tension
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too intense for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging with a mix of suspense, action, and emotional depth. The intense airport chaos and chase sequence keep the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes chase in an airport setting with a dramatic revelation of past events is executed well. The scene effectively combines suspense, action, and emotional elements.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed with a clear progression of events leading to a climactic chase scene. The revelation of past events adds depth to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the airport security checkpoint setting, incorporating elements of mystery, suspense, and danger to create a unique and engaging narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are engaging and show emotional depth, especially in their interactions during the chaotic airport confrontation. The revelation of past events adds layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional changes as they confront past events and face high-stakes situations. Their actions and decisions in the scene reflect their growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect Dr. Railly and navigate the chaotic situation unfolding at the security checkpoint. This reflects Cole's desire to prove himself and protect those he cares about.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to stop Dr. Peters, who is carrying a deadly virus, from escaping the airport. This goal reflects the immediate threat and danger facing the characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense confrontations, a chase sequence, and emotional turmoil for the characters. The stakes are raised as past events are revealed.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple obstacles, conflicts, and challenges that test the characters' resolve and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing life-threatening situations, emotional turmoil, and the revelation of past events that could change everything. The intense airport chase adds to the tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, with key revelations, character developments, and a high-stakes chase sequence. It sets up the next phase of the narrative and raises the tension.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, escalating tension, and high-stakes conflict that keep the audience guessing about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between security and personal freedom. The characters must navigate the tension between safety measures and individual rights.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with characters facing intense situations, making difficult choices, and revealing past traumas. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional journey.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the urgency and emotional turmoil of the characters in the scene. It effectively drives the plot forward and reveals important information.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that maintains tension and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a suspenseful action sequence, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and pacing.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure, with clear character motivations, escalating tension, and a climactic confrontation that drives the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from a moment of intimacy between Railly and Cole to a chaotic and tense situation at the airport, which may feel disjointed for the audience.
  • There are multiple elements introduced in the scene, such as Dr. Peters' suspicious behavior, Cole's confrontation with security officers, and the presence of detectives, which can make the scene feel cluttered and overwhelming.
  • The dialogue between the characters, especially the security officers and Dr. Peters, feels somewhat forced and lacks depth, making the interactions less engaging for the audience.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, leaving the audience hanging with multiple unresolved conflicts and plot points.
  • The introduction of Young Cole in the airport setting, while intriguing, may feel disconnected from the main storyline and could benefit from further integration into the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on one central conflict or plot point to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Enhance the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, allowing the characters' personalities to shine through in their interactions.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to keep the audience invested in the story and eager to see what happens next.
  • Integrate the introduction of Young Cole more seamlessly into the main storyline to create a stronger connection between past and present events.
  • Balance the pacing of the scene by alternating between moments of tension and moments of reflection to create a more dynamic and engaging narrative flow.



Scene 42 -  Airport Departures
INT. 747 CABIN - DAY

DR. PETERS closes the door to the overhead luggage rack
containing his Chicago Bulls bag and takes his seat. Next to
him, a FELLOW TRAVELER, unseen, says...

FELLOW TRAVELER'S VOICE (o.s.)
It's obscene, all the violence, all the
lunacy. Shootings even at airports now.
You might say...we're the next endangered
species...human beings!

CLOSE ON DR. PETERS, smiling affably, turning to his neighbor.

DR. PETERS
I think you're right. sir. I think
you've hit the nail on the head.

DR. PETERS' POV: the FELLOW TRAVELER, a silver haired gentleman
in a business suit, offering his hand congenially. DR. PETERS
doesn't know who this man is, but we do. It's the ASTROPHYSICIST!

ASTROPHYSICIST
Jones is my name. I'm in insurance.

EXT. PARKING LOT/AIRPORT

As YOUNG COLE'S PARENTS (seen only as sleeves and torsos) usher
YOUNG COLE into their station wagon, the boy hesitates, looks
back, watches a 747 climb into the sky.

FADE OUT:




8FLiX.com SCREENPLAY DATABASE 20220831
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Dr. Peters sits next to a businessman named Jones on a 747 airplane. They discuss the violence in the world and agree that it is obscene. Meanwhile, in an airport parking lot, Young Cole's parents usher him into their station wagon. Cole looks back at a 747 climbing into the sky.
Strengths
  • Complex plot
  • Engaging characters
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful tone
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Certain character motivations could be further developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with suspense, emotional depth, and high stakes. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its intricate plot and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of time travel, mental health, and the consequences of one's actions are explored in a compelling and thought-provoking way. The scene effectively blends science fiction elements with real-world issues.

Plot: 9

The plot is complex, with multiple storylines intertwining to create a sense of mystery and suspense. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on societal issues and human nature, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and face internal and external conflicts that drive the narrative forward. Their relationships and motivations add depth to the scene and keep the audience invested in their journey.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly Cole, who grapples with his past, present, and future selves. These changes drive the narrative forward and set up future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Dr. Peters' internal goal in this scene is to engage in a meaningful conversation with the Fellow Traveler and potentially establish a connection or rapport.

External Goal: 7

Dr. Peters' external goal is to navigate the social interaction with the Fellow Traveler and potentially gather information or insights.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters face danger, uncertainty, and moral dilemmas. The high stakes and intense situations create a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing danger, betrayal, and uncertainty. Their decisions have far-reaching consequences that impact their lives and the world around them, adding tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts, resolutions, and revelations that propel the narrative towards its climax. It sets up future events and character arcs, keeping the audience engaged and invested.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected conversation topics and character interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of violence and human nature, as reflected in the conversation between Dr. Peters and the Fellow Traveler.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety and confusion to determination and shock. The characters' struggles and relationships add depth and resonance to the narrative, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. It adds tension and emotion to the scene, enhancing the overall impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the tension and uncertainty in the dialogue, as well as the subtle character introductions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense in the dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the previous events and characters in the screenplay, making it feel disjointed and out of place.
  • The dialogue between Dr. Peters and the Fellow Traveler feels forced and on-the-nose, lacking subtlety and depth.
  • The introduction of the Astrophysicist character without proper context or development leaves the audience confused and disconnected from the story.
  • The transition from the airplane cabin to the parking lot with Young Cole's parents is abrupt and jarring, disrupting the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to tie in the themes and conflicts established in the previous scenes, resulting in a lack of cohesion and impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Dr. Peters and the Fellow Traveler to be more nuanced and reflective of the overall tone of the screenplay.
  • Integrate the introduction of the Astrophysicist character more organically into the narrative, providing context and relevance to the existing plot.
  • Smooth out the transition between the airplane cabin and the parking lot by establishing a clearer connection or thematic link between the two settings.
  • Ensure that each scene contributes to the overall story arc and character development, avoiding standalone moments that feel disconnected from the larger narrative.
  • Explore ways to tie in the themes of violence, lunacy, and endangered species mentioned in the scene with the central conflicts and motifs of the screenplay for a more cohesive and impactful storytelling.