Black panther

Genres: Science, Fiction, Drama, Action, Thriller, Adventure, Sci-Fi, Superhero, Fantasy, espionage



Summary The movie revolves around Wakanda's defense against Namor's threat of war. After King T'Challa's death, Queen Ramonda defends Wakanda's vibranium policy while mercenaries attack a Mali outreach center. Wakandan forces foil the attack, and a group of military-types embark on a deep-sea mission to find vibranium, leading to tragedy. Namor seeks Wakanda's help to prevent further mining of vibranium. Shuri successfully recreates the Heart-Shaped Herb, becoming the Black Panther again, and presents a plan to weaken Namor through dehydration. They capture Namor and confront him about his violations of their agreement. In the end, Ross is taken into custody, Shuri says goodbye to Okoye, and reminisces about her brother T'Challa.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot is convoluted and lacks a clear direction. There are too many subplots that distract from the main story. The stakes are not clearly defined, making it difficult for the audience to become invested in the characters' journeys. The dialogue is often overwritten and lacks authenticity. The fight scenes are elaborately described but lack tension on the page.

Suggestions: Simplify the plot by focusing on one or two primary storylines and defining the stakes clearly. Streamline the dialogue to be more naturalistic and character-driven. Cut down on the exposition and focus on showing the audience what is happening rather than telling them. Tighten the action sequences to increase tension and create a more cinematic experience. Consider having a clear theme that ties the various storylines together.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here


Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
Scene Weaknesses
Suggestions Simplify the plot by focusing on one or two primary storylines and defining the stakes clearly. Streamline the dialogue to be more naturalistic and character-driven. Cut down on the exposition and focus on showing the audience what is happening rather than telling them. Tighten the action sequences to increase tension and create a more cinematic experience. Consider having a clear theme that ties the various storylines together.

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
High Stakes 8.7  87 John wick: 8.6 Black panther: 8.7
Plot 8.4  81 Everything Everywhere All at Once: 8.3 Knives Out: 8.4
Conflict Level 8.5  81 Everything Everywhere All at Once: 8.2 Avatar: 8.5
Story Forward 8.3  77 Breaking bad, episode 306: 8.2 Black panther: 8.3
Concept 8.0  69 Narcos: 7.9 Avatar: 8.0
Overall 8.4  68 Mo: 8.3 Avatar: 8.4
Character Changes 6.3  62 Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog: 6.2 Black panther: 6.3
Emotional Impact 7.5  56 Deadpool: 7.4 Inception: 7.5
Characters 8.2  51 Mr Robot: 8.1 heathers : 8.2
Dialogue 7.6  47 Shaun of the Dead: 7.5 get out: 7.6



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Last Chance "Urgent" 9 9 9 8 89111010 7
2 T'Challa's Funeral "somber" 7 6 7 7 56667 6
3 UN Ambush "Tense" 8 8 7 8 69987 8
4 Hostage Crisis and Diplomatic Tensions "Intense" 9 8 9 9 71010108 8
5 Deep-Sea Disaster "intense" 9 8 9 7 4101099 6
6 Talocanil Invasion at Sea "intense" 7 6 8 7 491098 6
7 Attacks and Explosions "Tense" 8 9 8 7 491097 6
8 Shuri and Ramonda's Conversation "Tense" 9 9 8 10 46478 9
9 Grief and Rituals "Emotional" 9 8 7 10 877810 9
10 Namor Brings a Threat to Wakanda "Tense" 9 8 9 9 6101097 8
11 Tribal Council Meeting "Serious" 9 9 10 9 581087 9
12 The Vibranium Detector "Serious" 7 8 7 7 46675 7
13 Finding the Scientist "Tense" 8 9 9 7 68796 8
14 Riri's Garage Raid "Tense" 9 8 9 8 7101097 9
15 Escape from Riri's Garage "Tense" 9 8 9 8 691096 7
16 Escape from Cambridge "intense" 9 8 9 8 5101097 7
17 Escape from Cambridge "Intense" 8 7 8 8 591096 6
18 High-Flying Rescue "Intense" 9 8 9 9 791098 7
19 Bridge Battle "Intense" 9 8 9 10 8101199 7
20 Escape from Cambridge "intense" 8 9 8 8 7101098 7
21 Okoye Loses Everything "tense" 8 8 9 7 8910910 9
22 In Pursuit of Wakandans "tense" 8 8 9 8 69986 8
23 Rescue Mission "tense" 8 8 8 7 57996 8
24 Ramonda's Ultimatum "intense" 9 8 9 9 7101199 8
25 untitled null 0 0 0 0 00000 0
26 Captives and Culture "Tense" 8 8 7 8 69877 7
27 Namor's Custody "Tense" 7 8 8 6 57675 6
28 Namor's Origin Story "Serious" 8 9 8 7 78788 7
29 Namor's Duty "Serious" 8 9 8 8 67987 9
30 Revelations in Talocan "Hopeful" 8 9 8 8 77989 7
31 Infiltrating the NSA Facility "Suspenseful" 8 7 8 7 29985 7
32 Retrieving the Thumb Drive "Suspenseful" 7 6 7 7 35674 6
33 Mission to Talocan "intrigue" 8 7 8 7 46685 7
34 Alliances and Ultimatums "Serious" 8 9 8 8 791087 8
35 Escape from the Talocanil Cave "Tense" 9 8 9 9 7101098 8
36 Return to Wakanda "Tense" 9 8 9 8 79897 7
37 Namor's Betrayal "Tense" 9 9 9 8 71011108 9
38 Threats and Escapes "Tense" 9 8 9 8 791098 8
39 Under Attack "tense" 9 8 9 9 8101098 9
40 Attack on the Golden City "Tense" 9 8 9 8 6101098 7
41 Under Attack "Tense" 8 7 9 7 691086 6
42 Namor Attacks "Intense" 9 8 9 9 6101098 7
43 Namor Attacks "Tense" 8 10 8 7 6101097 6
44 Shuri's Grief "emotional" 8 7 8 9 977610 8
45 Mourning and Decision Making "Somber" 8 7 8 9 76569 7
46 Tribal Council Meeting and Okoye's Offer "Serious" 8 9 8 8 79887 8
47 Shuri's Call with Ross "serious" 8 8 9 8 67887 8
48 Building A Plan "serious" 8 8 9 8 79987 8
49 Shuri's Revenge Plan "Intense" 9 8 9 9 78998 8
50 The Heart-Shaped Herb "Serious" 9 8 9 9 77988 8
51 Revelation in the Ancestral Plane "Tense" 9 8 9 10 8101099 9
52 The Return of the Black Panther "Intense" 9 8 9 10 77798 9
53 The Plan to Fight Namor "serious" 9 8 8 9 891099 9
54 Pre-Battle Preparations "Serious" 8 9 8 8 79987 8
55 The Battle with Namor "Tense" 9 8 9 9 6101097 8
56 The Black Panther vs. Namor "Intense" 9 8 9 9 7101097 8
57 Ambush and Capture of Namor "Intense" 8 9 8 7 691086 7
58 Midnight Angels Strike Back "Tense" 8 7 8 7 581096 6
59 The Battle For Survival "intense" 9 8 9 10 6101088 7
60 The Battle for Wakanda "Intense" 9 9 9 9 91010910 8
61 Confrontation and Yield "tense" 9 8 9 9 7101098 8
62 Val confronts Ross "Tense" 9 8 9 9 791098 10
63 Van Attack and Namor's Lair "Intense" 9 8 9 8 610998 7
64 Repentance and Redemption "Reflective" 7 8 6 8 75466 8
65 The Throne Challenge "Tense" 8 8 7 8 39766 7
66 Farewell and New Beginnings "emotional" 9 8 7 9 854710 8
67 Family Secrets Revealed "Emotional" 9 7 6 9 723510 8


Scene 1 - Last Chance
SUMMER BREAK



Written by


Ryan Coogler and Joe Robert Cole




Based on, Characters Created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby


May 8, 2021
PROLOGUE

1 INT. SHURI’S LAB - WDG - 2025 (ONE YEAR AFTER ENDGAME) 1

SHURI (20s) storms into her lab moving with frantic urgency.

LIGHT PROJECTIONS of several DOUBLE HELIX DNA MODELS are
arranged through the lab like pillars.

WDG SCIENTISTS work nervously.

SHURI
His heart rate is dropping fast.
Where are we?

WDG SCIENTIST
I’m finishing a sequence now.

SHURI
GRIOT give me the controls.

Shuri takes control of the holograms as they appear.

The Double Helix turns from GREEN to RED. The WDG Scientist
deflates.

Shuri’s eyes dart desperately over the holographic model.

SHURI (CONT’D)
GRIOT, what is the confidence rate?

GRIOT, the lab’s A.I. responds over speakers.

GRIOT (V.O.)
25%, Princess.

SHURI
Recreating the Heart-Shaped Herb is
my last chance.

GRIOT
King T’Challa’s heart rate has
fallen to 25 bpm.

WDG SCIENTIST (V.O.)
Princess... you should go be by his
side...

SHURI
EVERYONE OUT!

The WDG SCIENTISTS jump at the sudden exclamation. They file
out.
Green Rev. (07/11/21) 1A.


Shuri adjusts an equation and the Helix Model turns red.

SHURI (CONT’D)
Sho!
(beat)
What’s the confidence rate?

GRIOT (V.O.)
29.1%.

SHURI
Print it.

Shuri runs over to a 3D printer, where lasers begin to build
a mature HEART SHAPED HERB SEED.

GRIOT (V.O.)
The synthetic herb will have a less
than 30% chance of effectiveness.

SHURI
I DON’T CARE!
(to herself)
Come on, come on, come on.

Tears well in Shuri’s eyes as the herb is printed. She pulls
it out and turns for the door, but stops as she sees RAMONDA
standing in the doorway... her face tear soaked.

SHURI (CONT’D)
Griot, what is my brother’s heart
rate?

Shuri waits for a response... nothing.

RAMONDA
The King...
(long beat)
Your brother is with the ancestors.

Shuri stares back at her mother, heartbroken.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Drama"]

Summary Shuri tries to save King T'Challa's life with a synthetic Heart-Shaped Herb
Strengths "The urgency and desperation of the situation are captivating and emotionally impactful. The emotional weight of the scene is carried by the talented acting and the well-crafted dialogue."
Weaknesses "The scene relies heavily on exposition at times, which can be overwhelming for some viewers. The pacing is slow which may bore certain audiences."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 11

Story Forward: 10

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging, creating a sense of urgency and tension throughout. The characters are well-developed and their emotions feel real and authentic.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon. Firstly, the scene could benefit from more description of the setting and characters' actions. While there is some description present, it could be expanded upon to fully immerse the reader in the scene.

Additionally, the dialogue could be refined to sound more natural, particularly with the use of exposition. Some of the lines feel forced and exist solely to provide information to the audience. Finding more organic ways to convey this information would make the dialogue feel more natural.

Finally, the scene could be improved by adding more sensory details to fully immerse the reader and create a vivid mental image of the events taking place. By incorporating details of sights, sounds, smells, etc., the scene could be elevated and made more impactful.

Overall, while there are some areas that could use improvement, the scene shows promise and effectively conveys the sense of urgency and emotional weight necessary to engage the audience.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and sets up the stakes for the rest of the story. Here are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Add more sensory details - While the dialogue is clear and the actions are well-described, adding sensory details can help the audience feel more immersed in the scene. For example, you could describe the temperature of the lab or the sound of machines whirring in the background.

2. Clarify the stakes - While it’s clear that King T’Challa is in danger, it’s not entirely clear what’s at stake if Shuri doesn’t succeed in creating the Heart-Shaped Herb. Does this mean T’Challa will die permanently? Will Wakanda be in danger if he dies? Adding this context can heighten the tension and make the scene even more impactful.

3. Show more emotion - This is a highly emotional scene, and while there are moments where Shuri shows her desperation and Ramonda shows her grief, there could be even more emotion infused into the scene. Showing how each character is feeling more explicitly can make the audience care even more about what’s happening.

Overall, this is a strong scene that effectively establishes the stakes and sets up the rest of the story.



Scene 2 - T'Challa's Funeral
2 EXT. SACRED GROVE - WAKANDA - DAY 2

At T’Challa’s funeral, SOPE THE SHAMAN and pours libations
over the soil. Shuri stands next to RAMONDA who is now queen
(again, THE TRIBAL ELDERS, M’BAKU, OKOYE and THE DORA look
down at the BLACK CASKET.

SOPE (SUBTITLE)
We give thanks for the gift of King
T’Challa, the Black Panther, son of
King T’Chaka.
(MORE)
Tan Rev. (02/23/22) 1B.
SOPE (SUBTITLE) (CONT'D)
Grandson of King Azzuri, great
grandson of Kabba, great great
grandson of Yima, great great great
grandson of Bazwale, great great
great great grandson of Andile,
descendent of the most revered King
Bashenga, the first Black Panther.


A DISTANT DRUM AND SINGING IS HEARD.

Okoye nods at the other Dora, and they walk over to the
casket and lift it.

A2 EXT. NORTH TRIANGLE - GOLDEN CITY - WAKANDA - DAY A2

It’s a full SECOND LINE. A funeral procession of Ramonda,
Shuri, Sope, the Tribal Elders, M’Baku, Okoye and the Dora
lead a SEA OF DRUMMING, DANCING WAKANDAN PEOPLE toward
Bashenga Triangle where TRADITIONAL DANCERS PERFORM.

Okoye and the Dora lead the way holding T’Challa’s casket.
Behind them Shuri and Ramonda walk holding T’Challa’s
traditional shield and helmet, respectively. A SINGER,
TALKING DRUMMERS, AND DJEMBE DRUMMERS lead the Tribal Elders
behind them. BURUNDI DRUMMERS stand on the ceilings of North
Triangle homes.

They carry the casket into...

B2 EXT. BASHENGA TRIANGLE - NORTH TRIANGLE - WAKANDA - DAY B2

The Dora pass the casket through the entryway and set it down
in front of BASHENGA’S HUT. ZAWAVARI, the new Shaman for
Wakanda and former Mining Tribe Elder, waits for the
procession to land. She ululates and performs a prayer in
Xhosa as they approach.

ZAWAVARI (SUBTITLE)
Here in front of the home of King
of Bashenga, may we honor King
T’Challa. Who united the five
tribes of Wakanda. And may Bast
watch over him as he travels to his
resting place.

Shuri and Ramonda stay in front of the casket and the Dora
fan out.
Tan Rev. (02/23/22) 2.




IN THE SKY the ROYAL TALON FIGHTER flies past the palace
towards Bashenga Triangle. It hovers 300ft above T’Challa’s
casket.

Shuri sees this with everyone dancing around her and
something changes in her face, she moves towards the casket
and holds it one last time.

She looks up as the casket continues to rise. The rest of the
Wakandans watch as the casket tilts into a vertical position
with the life-size panther seal giving a Wakanda Forever
salute.

The Wakandans all salute T’Challa, holding their arms to
their chests for him, one last time.

The casket enters the iris of the Royal Talon Fighter, and
the aircraft rockets off towards the Hall Of Kings where he
will be laid to rest.

The Wakandans release the salute in unison, all except Shuri,
who still holds her arms tight to her chest. Head down.

ROLL MARVEL LOGO

Under the logo we HEAR global reactions to T’Challa’s death:
“We are profoundly saddened by the shocking news of King
T’Challa’s death.” “This is a day of mourning for all
nations.” “We lost another giant.” “With his words and
actions, King T’Challa touched the world. He will never be
forgotten.” “He was not only a noble man but an inspiring
hero so we celebrate his image in all of us.”

3 EXT. GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - SKYLINE - DAY - ONE YEAR LATER 3

We travel over Lake Geneva toward the United Nations as the
ROYAL TALON FIGHTER (RTF) soars into frame.

CHAIRPERSON OF UN (O.S.)
I wish to warmly welcome the
distinguished representatives and
ministers gathered here today. Your
presence is the affirmation of the
importance of the United Nations'
commitment to maintaining
international peace and security…


4 OMITTED 4
Green Rev. (07/11/21) 3.




A4 INT. HEARING ROOM - UNITED NATIONS - GENEVA - DAY A4

A packed room of FOREIGN DIGNITARIES. THE CHAIRPERSON OF THE
UN speaks from his desk at the front of the room. UN USHERS
observe.

CHAIRPERSON OF UN
It is an honor for me to invite her
majesty Queen Ramonda, daughter of
Lumumba, sovereign ruler of the
Kingdom of Wakanda.

The doors open as Queen Ramonda enters flanked by Kingsguard.

U.N. USHER
She didn’t bring her normal
security detail...

5 EXT. MALI OUTREACH CENTER - NIGHT 5

A futuristic building extends cantilevered out over a river.
PARATROOPERS descend from the night sky.

A6 INT. MALI OUTREACH CENTER - NIGHT A6

Awash with light and bustling with MALI SCIENTISTS and
TECHNICIANS working hand in hand with WDG SCIENTIST to
efficiently extract WATER from underground aquifers.

THE YOUNG TECHNICIAN overseeing the security footage pauses
as the screen goes dark.

YOUNG TECHNICIAN (SUBTITLE)
I just lost visual.

THE THREE FRONT DOORS BLOWS OPEN (TWO UPSTAIRS ON ONE BELOW)
revealing 8 MERCENARIES who fan out: FIREARMS pointed at all
present. Speaking French.

MERCENARY # 1 (SUBTITLE)
Down on your stomachs right now!

The Mali Techs and WDG Scientist comply.
Genres: []

Summary T'Challa's funeral procession takes place, with Wakandans paying their respects. The casket is lifted and carried to Bashenga Triangle and set in front of Bashenga's Hut where a prayer is said in Xhosa. The Wakandans salute T'Challa as his casket is taken away. One year later, Queen Ramonda attends a UN meeting, while at the Mali Outreach Center, a group of mercenaries take the staff hostage.
Strengths "The funeral scene is emotionally impactful and sets the tone for the rest of the story. The introduction of the Mali Outreach Center and the subsequent hostage situation adds conflict and tension to the plot."
Weaknesses "The scene is somewhat disconnected and lacks a coherent narrative thread. The UN meeting and the Mali Outreach Center scenes don't seem to have much to do with each other or the funeral scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 6

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is visually and linguistically rich, offering a glimpse into Wakandan traditions and culture. The use of subtitles to convey the Shaman's speech and Zawavari's prayer in Xhosa adds authenticity to the scene. The procession with the casket and the use of traditional dancers and drummers create a somber and respectful atmosphere. The inclusion of the Royal Talon Fighter and the global reactions to T'Challa's death give a sense of the impact his life had on the world. The transition to the United Nations hearing and the introduction of Queen Ramonda add depth to the story.

One possible critique is that the scene is overly descriptive, with long paragraphs of action and details. It could benefit from more concise and impactful language. Another critique is that while the scene is visually stunning, it may not provide enough emotional resonance for viewers who are not invested in the characters and world of Wakanda. However, as a part of a larger narrative, this scene could be effective in setting the tone and honoring T'Challa's legacy.
Suggestions Some possible suggestions to improve this scene could include:

1. Providing more emotional weight to T'Challa's funeral by adding in some moments of characters grieving and reflecting on his impact on Wakanda and the world. This could also help make the scene feel less rushed.

2. Adding in more details about the funeral procession and the traditional dances and rituals that are taking place. This could help give the scene more cultural specificity and make it feel more unique.

3. Using visual storytelling to convey more about Shuri's emotions when she sees the Royal Talon Fighter flying overhead. This could involve using close-ups of her face or body language to show how she's feeling.

4. Considering ways to make the scene stand out more visually, such as through the use of more creative camera angles or lighting. This could help make the scene feel more cinematic and memorable.

5. Potentially cutting down on some of the subtitles in the scene, given that they can be distracting and take viewers out of the moment. Instead, consider finding ways to convey information visually or through dialogue.



Scene 3 - UN Ambush
6 INT. HEARING ROOM - UNITED NATIONS - GENEVA - DAY 6

A tense hearing is underway. Ramonda is seated at a desk
fielding questions.
Green Rev. (07/11/21) 4.


UNITED STATES SECRETARY OF STATE
Mr. Chairperson, I believe I speak
for all of the member states when I
say, I am deeply disappointed by
Wakanda’s failure to stand by the
promises made after the blip by the
late King T’Challa. Promises to
participate in global efforts to
tackle international challenges, to
share resources, technology and
full technical cooperation
concerning vibranium.
(beat)
Promises, Mr. Chairperson, that the
Queen of Wakanda is failing to
deliver on. The United States
shares a deep concern over the lack
of Wakanda’s transparency and urges
meaningful dialogue in consultation
with key partners and Wakanda to
strengthen efforts to achieve our
commitments to international
development and security. Thank
you, Mr. Chairperson.

The Other Dignitaries nod in agreement. Ramonda looks back
silently and strongly.

CHAIRPERSON OF UN
My thanks to the Secretary of State
of the United States of America for
that statement. I now give the
floor to the Minister of Foreign
Affairs for France.

SECRETARY OF STATE OF FRANCE (SUBTITLE)
(in French)
Thank you, Mr. Chairperson, France
has information that states
vibranium has limitless potential
as a renewable energy source. And
yet Queen Ramonda has still
declined to open access to the
material through international
trade, or any of Wakanda’s
philanthropic ventures. We also
have information that vibranium can
be used to make weapons of mass
destruction. It is a substance that
does not trigger any known metal
detector. It could be smuggled. It
is a direct threat to the global
security environment and the
nonproliferation regime.
Green Rev. (07/11/21) 4A.


Ramonda stares at the Frenchman.

7 INT. SAND FILTER TREATMENT FLOOR - NIGHT 7

Mercenary #2 points a gun at a MALI WATER TECH.

MERCENARY #2 (SUBTITLE)
Where are the vibranium tools?

The Young Tech points to the large security door/vault.

MERCENARY #2 (SUBTITLE) (CONT’D)
Who has access?

The Tech points to a FEMALE MALI TECH wearing a headscarf.

MERCENARY #2 (SUBTITLE) (CONT’D)
Let’s go.
Green Rev. (07/11/21) 5.


The Female Mali Tech stands up. Mercenary #2 roughly pushes
her towards the vault.

8 INT. UNITED NATIONS - GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - DAY 8

The Secretary of State of France continues.

SECRETARY OF STATE OF FRANCE (SUBTITLE)
(in French)
I would like to put the question to
her majesty. “Why is there so much
secrecy around this particular
resource?” “If her nation’s
intentions really are to help other
nations, why is that help only
extended to certain groups of
people in those nations?” And “what
of our intelligence in France, in
Belgium, and in the United States,
that vibranium has properties that
can be weaponized?”
(beat)
Mr. Chairperson, Wakanda has
deliberately chosen, in a recurrent
manner, to defy our collective
security architecture. The
durability of our international
security would be at stake if we
were to overlook the potential
threat of vibranium today. Thank
you, Mr. Chairperson.

CHAIRPERSON OF UN
My thanks to the Minister of
Foreign Affairs for France. I now
give the floor to her majesty,
Queen Ramonda.

Ramonda leans into her mic.

RAMONDA
Thank you Mr. Chairperson,
Wakanda’s offerings to the global
community do not begin and end with
our nation’s most valuable
resource. It has always been our
policy to never trade vibranium
under any circumstance. Not because
of the dangerous potential of
vibranium, but because of the
dangerous potential of some of the
people in this room.
(beat)
(MORE)
Salmon Rev. (09/18/21) 5A.
RAMONDA (CONT’D)
You see we have information in
Wakanda as well. You perform
civility here. But we know what you
whisper in your halls of
leadership, in your military
facilities.
(sotto voce imitation)
The King is dead. The Black Panther
is gone. They have lost their
protector. Now is our time to
strike.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Queen Ramonda defends Wakanda's policy on vibranium at a UN meeting while mercenaries ambush a Mali outreach center, taking hostages.
Strengths "Strong character development for Queen Ramonda, establishes the global conflict and stakes well."
Weaknesses "The scene is heavy on exposition and may feel slow-paced for some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene effectively sets up the conflict between Wakanda and the international community regarding the use of vibranium. The tension is palpable, and the dialogue between the representatives of the different countries is well-written.

However, some elements of the scene could be improved. For instance, the dialogue from the Secretary of State of the United States feels a bit on the nose and could be more nuanced. Additionally, the subtitles used for the French representative's dialogue can be difficult to read quickly, which could be a distraction for some viewers.

Furthermore, the scene ends on a bit of a cliffhanger with Ramonda, but it may be more effective to have a clear resolution to the scene before cutting to the next location and conflict.

Overall, the scene has some strong elements but could benefit from some improvements in dialogue and pacing.
Suggestions Overall, the scene appears to be well-written with strong dialogue between characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Show, don't tell: Instead of having the characters explicitly state their concerns and accusations about Wakanda, it would be more engaging to show the audience evidence of these threats. This could be done through news broadcasts, intelligence briefings, or visual cues that showcase the potential dangers of vibranium.

2. Develop the characters: While Ramonda has a strong presence in the hearing room, the other characters (such as the Secretary of State of France) feel more like talking heads with little depth or individuality. It would be helpful to give these characters more backstory, personality, and development so that the audience can better understand their motivations.

3. Build suspense: The scene in the hearing room feels very contained and static, with little action or movement. This could be improved by adding a sense of suspense or urgency to the conversation, such as having a bomb threat or assassination attempt occur in the background.

4. Connect the two scenes: While the scene with the Mali Water Tech adds tension and danger to the plot, it feels disconnected from the hearing room scene. It would be helpful to link the two events (i.e. have the hearing room conversation draw attention to the vulnerability of Wakanda's resources, which then prompts the theft of vibranium tools in the Mali facility).



Scene 4 - Hostage Crisis and Diplomatic Tensions
9 INT. SAND FILTER TREATMENT FLOOR - NIGHT 9

The Female Mali Tech keys into the vault triggering an
elaborate locking mechanism that opens the dark, cavernous
vault.

She then steps back, removing her scarf, tucking it behind
her back.

Merc #2 turns to the Female Tech, confused. She looks back at
him her expression now icy, her head clean shaven and smooth.
This is ANEKA of the Dora Milaje.
Cherry Rev. (09/30/21) 6.


The unnerved Mercenaries look into the safe as someone steps
forward from darkness. It’s OKOYE, in full Dora Milaje
regalia. As she steps forward we reveal AYO and NOMBLE
flanking her.

OKOYE
PHAMBILLI!!!

On cue, both clusters of hostages trigger dome shaped SONIC
FORCEFIELDS from their KIMOYO BEADS.

THE DORA SPRING INTO ACTION. The Mercenaries unleash a HAIL
of automatic gunfire, but it is ineffective against the
DORA’S BALLETIC COMBAT MOVEMENT, vibranium weave uniforms,
and high tech spears.

Okoye and the other Dora DISPATCH THE MERCENARIES.

Nomble throws her spear up at the upper level where we reveal
ANOTHER DORA disguised as a scientist taking out another Merc
on the upper level.

Aneka pulls 2 PURPLE ENERGY DAGGERS as SHE AND AYO fight back
to back while Okoye hits Mercs with the HIGH POWERED TASER on
the back end of her spear, rendering them unconscious.

Aneka dispatches Merc #2. Okoye clocks this.

OKOYE (CONT’D)
Aneka, where is your spear?

ANEKA
The Princess gave me these to try
out. I like them better.

Okoye takes out another Merc.

OKOYE
We are Dora Milaje. Not space
cadets. Our foremothers used spears
for millennia. It will not change
under my watch.

Ayo blocks a bullet for Aneka and takes out a Merc.

AYO
I told you not to bring them.

Aneka rolls her eyes and takes down another Merc with the
daggers.
Green Rev. (07/11/21) 7.

10 INT. UNITED NATIONS - GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - DAY 10

Ramonda continues.

RAMONDA
Last night there was another attack
on one of our outreach facilities.
Proof of the involvement of a
member state present today is being
uploaded to your mobile devices as
we speak.

Ramonda looks around as everyone reacts to this information.

RAMONDA (CONT’D)
And as for the identity of the
attackers.

Ramonda stands. The doors of the chamber swing open,
revealing Okoye, Ayo, Aneka, and several DORA, escorting the
now conscious and handcuffed Mercenaries from Mali,
delivering them to the desk of the Frenchman. The dignitaries
and UN Staff react.

OKOYE (SUBTITLE)
(in Xhosa)
Kneel.
(to the French Minister)
Je vous on prie.

RAMONDA
Let our gracious response to this
incursion be an olive branch.
Further attempts on our resources
will be considered an act of
aggression and met with a much
steeper response.
(beat)
We mourn the loss of our King, but
don’t think for a second, that
Wakanda has lost her ability to
protect our resources. We are aware
of the ongoing efforts by some to
find Vibranium outside of Wakanda
and wish you the best of luck.

The leaders deflate. All except... the United States
Secretary of State.
Green Rev. (07/11/21) 8.

11 EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN - DAY 11

A CARGO SHIP travels in the middle of the Atlantic.

An enormous underwater mining vehicle sits on deck as a DATA
UMBILICAL CORD extends off the back into the water.

12 EXT. DEEP OCEAN - DAY - CONTINUOUS 12

We see what is connected to the umbilical cord: A LARGE
VIBRANIUM DETECTOR on treads, rolls along the ocean floor
below the ship as they move together through the water until
an INDICATOR LIGHT changes colors.

13 INT. CONTROL ROOM - CARGO SHIP - DAY 13

An advanced control system with several DEEP SEA MINING
TECHNICIANS monitoring readings.

SMITTY (50s, CIA) sits to the side, playing PUBG Mobile on
his phone, when a display reading suddenly CHIRPS, grabbing
everyone’s attention.

Excited miners gather, wide-eyed as Smitty turns to the LEAD
MINING TECHNICIAN who nods.

Getting to his feet, Smitty grabs a walkie-talkie.

SMITTY
(radioing)
Stop the ship!

14 EXT. HELICOPTER PAD - CARGO SHIP - NIGHT 14

The LARGE MINING VEHICLE is missing from the deck but A GROUP
OF HEAVILY ARMED MILITARY TYPES have replaced it.

Smitty, holding two coffees watches as A CHOPPER LANDS and
JACKSON and SALAZAR, two specialized NAVAL DIVERS, disembark
followed by DR. GRAHAM (50s, CIA). Smitty casually salutes
her. She smiles and takes the coffee.

DR. GRAHAM
I thought you were retired.

SMITTY
I thought I was too.
(beat)
Said that machine had a one in a
billion chance of finding
vibranium.
Pink Rev. (06/13/21) 9.


DR. GRAHAM
Less than that.

Smitty shrugs, then lets out a whistle to the Military Types
who start unloading gear.

15 EXT. DECK - CARGO SHIP - NIGHT - LATER 15

A CRANE removes a MOON POOL COVER, exposing the ocean below.

Military Types guard the umbilical cable system that extends
over the edge of the ship.

Salazar and Jackson are strapped into ATMOSPHERIC DIVING
SUITS and lowered into the ocean.
Genres: ["Action","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The Dora Milaje foil a mercenary attack on a Mali outreach center and deliver the attackers to the UN meeting where Queen Ramonda defends Wakanda's vibranium policy. Meanwhile, a group of military-types embark on a deep-sea mission to find vibranium.
Strengths "The scene showcases the Dora Milaje's badassery and Wakanda's strength and sovereignty. The dialogue is impactful and Queen Ramonda's presence commands respect and authority."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more character development and emotional depth, particularly in regards to the hostages at the outreach center. "

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10