Scott pilgrim vs. the world
Screenplay Story Analysis
How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library
Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | |||||||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Scene Number | Full Analysis | Tone | Overall Grade | Concept | Plot | Originality Score | Characters | Character Changes | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Opposition | High stakes | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure |
1 | Scott's Little Secret | "Light-hearted" | 8 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 9 | 3 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 0 | 4 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 9 |
2 | Introducing Knives Chau | "Light-hearted" | 8 | 8 | 7 | 3 | 8 | 3 | 8 | 8 | 3 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 0 | 5 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 8 |
3 | Band Rehearsal with Knives Chau | "Light-hearted, playful" | 8 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 8 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 0 | 6 | 9 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
4 | Scott's confession to Wallace | "light-hearted" | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 4 | 8 | 9 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 |
5 | A Day Out with Knives Chau | "Light" | 7 | 8 | 6 | 5 | 7 | 2 | 8 | 7 | 3 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 0 | 4 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 10 | 9 |
6 | Dream Sequence and Morning After | "Whimsical" | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 4 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 |
7 | Library and Party | "Light-hearted" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 2 | 8 | 9 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 7 | 0 | 3 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 9 |
8 | Scott Learns about Ramona | "Humorous" | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 4 | 8 | 6 | 6 | 0 | 5 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 |
9 | Scott Tells Wallace About His Dream Girl and Receives an Important Email | "Humorous" | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 2 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 0 | 5 | 6 | 0 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 |
10 | The Battle is On | "Light-hearted" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 4 | 9 | 9 | 5 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 9 | 8 |
11 | Dreams and Desires | "Light-hearted" | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 3 | 8 | 8 | 5 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 |
12 | Snowy Date with Ramona | "light-hearted" | 9 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 0 | 5 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 10 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 |
13 | Tea and Blankets | "Whimsical, Fantastical" | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 0 | 9 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
14 | Ramona's Number | "Light-hearted" | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 4 | 8 | 8 | 5 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
15 | Crash and The Boys' Gig | "Energetic" | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 4 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 0 | 5 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 9 |
16 | Sex Bob-Omb vs. Matthew Patel | "Humorous and adventurous" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 4 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 5 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 |
17 | Defeating the Exes | "Lighthearted" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 |
18 | Ramona's Ultimatum | "lighthearted" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 10 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 5 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 |
19 | Breaking Up is Hard to Do | "Awkward" | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
20 | Breakup and Introduction | "Lighthearted" | 8 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 2 | 9 | 8 | 5 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 9 |
21 | Garlic Bread and Haircuts | "Whimsical" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 5 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 |
22 | The Magical Castle | "quirky, upbeat" | 8 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 8 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 2 | 6 | 0 | 5 | 9 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
23 | Lucas Lee's Movie Set | "Humorous, adventurous, and romantic" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 |
24 | Breakup Reflections | "humorous, awkward" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 3 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 4 | 6 | 0 | 5 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 10 |
25 | Mystery Attacker | "Frantic" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
26 | Envy and Julie | "whimsical" | 8 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 |
27 | Moving On and Opening Up for Business | "Light-hearted, with a touch of sadness" | 8 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 |
28 | Knives plots to win back Scott | "Awkward" | 7 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 9 |
29 | The Clash at Demonhead Concert | "Anxious" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 |
30 | Showdown at Lee's Palace | "Humorous and intense" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 |
31 | Vegan Police | "Humorous and intense" | 10 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 0 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 |
32 | Pizza and Parties | "Bittersweet" | 8 | 7 | 6 | 4 | 9 | 4 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
33 | untitled | null | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 |
34 | Battle of the Bands | "tense, but comedic" | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 3 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
35 | Battle of the Bands | "Energetic" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 9 |
36 | Scott's Heartbreak | "Humorous" | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 8 |
37 | The Aftermath | "Tense" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 8 |
38 | The Final Battle | "Tense" | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 8 |
39 | The Final Showdown | "Action-packed, dramatic" | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
40 | Ramona's Confession | "Humorous, with a touch of sadness" | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
41 | Scott breaks the wall | "Tense" | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 5 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 |
42 | The Ultimate Showdown! | "Light-hearted" | 8 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
43 | Redemption and Reconciliation | "Hopeful" | 9 | 9 | 10 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 8 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 |
Scene 1 - Scott's Little Secret
1 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 1
Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear:
KIM PINE (V.O.)
Scott Pilgrim is dating a high
schooler?
2 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY 2
Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table.
STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.
STEPHEN STILLS
Really? Is she hot?
KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper.
KIM PINE
How old are you now, Scott? Like
twenty-eight?
SCOTT
I’m not playing your little games.
KIM PINE
So you’ve been out of high school
for like, 13 years and-
SCOTT (O.S.)
I’m twenty-two. Twenty-two!
STEPHEN STILLS
And you’re dating a high school
girl? Not bad, not bad.
YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts.
YOUNG NEIL
Like, did you guys ’do it’ yet?
SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an
unruly yet adorable mop of hair.
SCOTT
2.
We have done many things. We ride
the bus. We have meaningful
conversations about how yearbook
club went and about her friends
and, um...you know...drama.
STEPHEN STILLS
Yeah, okay, have you even kissed
her?
SCOTT
We almost held hands once, but then
she got embarrassed.
KIM PINE
Well. Aren’t you pleased as punch?
STEPHEN STILLS
So, what’s her name?
SCOTT
(pleased as punch)
Knives Chau. She’s Chinese.
STEPHEN STILLS
(under his breath)
Chinese...
Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.
YOUNG NEIL
Wicked! How’d you meet her?
SCOTT
I believe I mentioned the bus?
Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story:
3 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 3
KNIVES CHAU, 17, cute and innocent with clothes to match,
sits next to her mother, MOTHER CHAU, 45, demanding.
MOTHER CHAU
You are seventeen year old! Time to
get interested in boy!
KNIVES CHAU
Mom!
Knives DROPS her bag, books scattering everywhere.
3.
MOTHER CHAU
You drop book.
Knives crouches down to pick up her books, grumbling.
SCOTT (O.S.)
Hey...
Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM
holding her books. TEXT appears in an on-screen box:
"SCOTT PILGRIM, 22 YEARS OLD, RATING: AWESOME."
Stars appear in Knives’s eyes. Scott grins heroically.
Scott winks at Knives. Scott winks at the camera.
Ratings
Scene 2 - Introducing Knives Chau
Back in the kitchen, everyone looks at Scott...
KIM PINE
Is that seriously the end of the
story?
SCOTT
Yes. It is.
Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS.
STEPHEN STILLS
So when do we get to meet her?
KIM PINE
Oh please. Let it be soon.
DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. Scott smiles broadly.
SCOTT
That’s for me.
5 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 5
An eager Knives stands outside. Scott opens the door a
crack.
SCOTT
You promise to be good?
KNIVES CHAU
Of course I’ll be good!
4.
SCOTT
No, really. Please be good.
KNIVES CHAU
Am I normally not?
Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through.
SCOTT
Oh, hey. Knives, this is Stephen
Stills. He’s the talent.
STEPHEN STILLS
Hey.
STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives.
STEPHEN STILLS
Is she gonna geek out on us?
SCOTT
She’ll just sit in the corner, man.
STEPHEN STILLS
I mean, I want her to geek out on
us.
SCOTT
She’ll geek. She geeks. She has the
capacity to geek.
Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.
STEPHEN STILLS
You’re good.
6 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 6
Knives enters, looking around the rehearsal pad with awe:
Bare bulb, ratty rug, drums, guitar, bass, LAME BRAND amps.
KNIVES CHAU
Wow.
SCOTT
Knives, that’s Kim. Lemme get your
coat.
Scott throws Knives’ coat on the floor. Knives waves.
KNIVES CHAU
5.
Hi, sorry, what was your name?
KIM PINE (O.S.)
Kim.
KNIVES CHAU
You play the drums?
REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset, sticks in her hands.
KIM PINE
...yes.
KNIVES CHAU
That is so awesome.
SCOTT
Knives, that’s Young Neil.
KNIVES CHAU
Hi. What do you play?
YOUNG NEIL
Uh, wow...Zelda...Tetris...that’s
kind of a big question.
Knives stares blankly at Young Neil, who finally gets it.
YOUNG NEIL
Oh. I’m not in the band. I just
live here.
Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. Amps hum to life.
SCOTT
Let’s start with Launchpad McQuack.
STEPHEN STILLS
That’s not the actual title of the-
KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4!
Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK!
GUITAR AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR, SPELLING OUT OUR
TITLE...
SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
6.
TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space
seems to GROW with the music. Stephen Stills barks
unintelligible lyrics.
Knives watches, jaw ajar. The song ends, feedback
lingering.
KNIVES CHAU
You guys...are so...amazing.
7 EXT. BUS STOP - EVENING 7
Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.
KNIVES CHAU
I can’t even...Sex Bob-Omb.
Amazing.
Ratings
Scene 3 - Band Rehearsal with Knives Chau
The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills’ room.
STEPHEN STILLS
She seems nice.
SCOTT
Yeaaah.
YOUNG NEIL
She seems awesome.
SCOTT
Yeaaah.
KIM PINE
Scott, if your life had a face I
would punch it.
SCOTT
Yeaaah...wait, what?
KIM PINE
I mean, are you really happy or are
you really evil?
SCOTT
Like, do I have ulterior motives or
something? I’m offended, Kim.
STEPHEN STILLS
Wounded even?
7.
SCOTT
Hurt, Kim.
KIM PINE
You? Hurt?
Scott takes a breath, turns to Young Neil.
SCOTT
Neil, you were saying she seems
awesome.
YOUNG NEIL
Yeah, she seems awesome.
SCOTT
Yeaaaah...
Ratings
Scene 4 - Scott's confession to Wallace
Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny, one room apartment. He
turns to WALLACE WELLS, dark hair, arched eyebrow,
disloyal.
"WALLACE WELLS, ROOMMATE, 24 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: HE IS
GAY!"
SCOTT
Before you hear some dirty lies
from someone else, yes, I’m dating
a 17 year old.
Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he’s reading.
WALLACE
Is he cute?
SCOTT
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
WALLACE
Does this mean we have to stop
sleeping together?
SCOTT
Do you see another bed in here?
TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in
the one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace, FUTON included.
WALLACE
8.
Yeah. You’re totally my bitch
forever.
SCOTT
So. The whole seventeen year old
thing. Don’t tell too many people.
WALLACE
Hey, you know me.
SCOTT
I mean. Don’t tell my sister.
WALLACE
You know me.
Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside, starts texting.
SCOTT
Who are you texting?
RINGY RING. The phone goes. Scott picks up.
STACEY (O.S.)
Seventeen years old? Scandal!
Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM, cute, peppy barista, gabbing
on her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. A sign behind her reads
’If you are using your cellphone, you will not be served’.
"STACEY PILGRIM, YOUNGER SISTER, 19, RATING: ’T’ FOR TEEN."
SCOTT
That’s not true. Who told you?
STACEY
Wallace. Duh.
SCOTT
That gossipy bitch.
WALLACE (O.S.)
You know me.
Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless.
SCOTT
Wallace!
Wallace clicks off. Scott sinks into an armchair.
STACEY
9.
Who is this mysterious child you
date?
SCOTT
Her name is Knives. Knives Chau.
STACEY
A seventeen year old Chinese
schoolgirl? You’re ridiculous.
SCOTT
It’s a Catholic school too.
STACEY
With the uniform and everything?
SCOTT
Yeah, the whole deal.
STACEY
Oh my God, you haven’t-
SCOTT
No no no. We haven’t even held
hands. I think she hugged me once.
STACEY
Um, Scott. Why are you doing this?
SCOTT
I don’t know...it’s just nice, you
know? It’s just...simple.
STACEY
It’s been over a year since you got
dumped by she-who-will-not-be-
named.
Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine,
looking into the HOT GIRL’S EYES on the back cover album
ad.
STACEY
So, are you legitimately moving on,
or is this just you being insane?
Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles
next to a hot redhead in happier times.
SCOTT
Can I get back to you on that?
A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly...
10.
Ratings
Scene 5 - A Day Out with Knives Chau
Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.
Uniformed boys and girls pour out.
WALLACE
I do not want to be here. At all.
SCOTT
This school has boys too.
WALLACE
I hate you. Even I would think
twice about dating a seventeen year
old.
SCOTT
Well, she’s only allowed out when
the sun is up, so I wouldn’t call
it dating, more like...
WALLACE
Playtime?
SCOTT
That doesn’t sound so good either.
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Scott! Heyyyy!
Knives skips to Scott. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers
behind.
SCOTT
Hey Knives, this is my cool gay
roommate, Wallace Wells. He’s gay.
KNIVES CHAU
Oh, hi! Do you want to know who in
my class is gay?
WALLACE
Yes. Does he wear glasses?
SCOTT
Wallace, you go now! Begone!
Wallace pulls Knives close. Whispers.
WALLACE
You’re too good for him. Run.
11.
11 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 11
Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a
martial arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION).
They punch and kick in unison, side by side.
SCOTT
Did you know the original name of
Pac-man was Puck-man? You would
think it’s because Pac-Man looks
like a yellow hockey puck, but
actually it comes from the Japanese
phrase paku-paku which means to
flap ones mouth open and closed.
They changed it over here because
Puck-Man is too easy to vandalize.
You know, scratch out the P and
turn it into an F or whatever?
Knives flips over Scott’s back in a COMBO move.
KNIVES CHAU
Ohmigod, like...wow.
SCOTT
Yeah. Wow.
The game ends. CONTINUE appears, counting down:
10...9...8... Scott looks at Knives. She digs for quarters.
KNIVES CHAU
Oh, I got it!
12 EXT. "PIZZA PIZZA" - DAY 12
Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint, slices in hand.
KNIVES CHAU
Tamara is into this Korean guy,
Bobby, but everyone thinks Bobby
has a crush on Mina.
SCOTT
I thought Derek and Tamara had a
mutual like-each-other thing going,
what happened?
13 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 13
Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. Hangers click in time.
12.
KNIVES CHAU
I don’t listen to much music. I
know a lot of kids who play piano
or whatever, but you guys ROCK.
SCOTT
I knew I personally rocked, but I
never suspected that we rocked as a
unit. Thank you, Knives.
14 INT. SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) - DAY 14
Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync.
KNIVES CHAU
I mean, you guys are gonna be HUGE.
SCOTT
Well, we’re already pretty big. But
it might be cool if cool people
wore our T-shirt.
Knives speaks to a female clerk, surly with tats and specs:
"JULIE, 22, STILLS’ GIRLFRIEND, RATING: WHAT IS HER
PROBLEM?"
KNIVES CHAU
Excuse me, do you have anything by
’The Clash At Demonhead’?
JULIE
Have you tried the section marked
’The Clash At Demonhead’?
SCOTT
Thank you, Julie.
JULIE
Are you coming to my party Friday
or will you be busy babysitting?
SCOTT
Thank you, Julie.
(to Knives)
You don’t want to listen to her.
And you definitely don’t want to
listen to them.
Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack.
KNIVES CHAU
Oh, I heart them so much.
13.
SCOTT
I hearted them too until they
signed to a major label and the
SCOTT
singer turned into a total bitch
and ruined my life. But that’s just
me.
KNIVES CHAU
(oblivious)
Envy Adams is sooo cool. Do you
read her blog?
SCOTT
Sorry, you were saying about me?
Ratings
Scene 6 - Dream Sequence and Morning After
Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk.
KNIVES CHAU
I mean, I’ve...I’ve never gone out
with someone so talented.
SCOTT
You go out with a lot of guys?
KNIVES CHAU
...no.
SCOTT
Yeah, so whatever, man!
KNIVES CHAU
I’ve never even kissed a guy.
Knives blushes and looks at the ground. Scott hugs her.
SCOTT
Me neither.
16 EXT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - DAY 16
Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace’s
apartment.
KNIVES CHAU
So this is your secret lair? Can I
come in?
14.
SCOTT
My secret lair is one of those ’no
girls allowed’ deals.
KNIVES CHAU
Oh, okay.
SCOTT
But do you want to see the house
where I grew up?
KNIVES CHAU
Sure.
They literally walk across the street to a small house.
SCOTT
Here you go.
KNIVES CHAU
Wow.
SCOTT
Yeah. Wow.
Wind blows. The light snowfall turns into sand...
17 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - HOTTEST DAY 17
...Scott wanders alone through a barren land. He falls to
his knees next to a lonely cactus.
SCOTT
Oh God...so...so alone.
A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands.
She wears fishnets, an army jacket, skirt and goggles. Her
pink hair is funky but cool. She is hotter than the desert
sun.
MYSTERIOUS GIRL
You’re not alone. You’re just
having some idiotic dream.
SCOTT
Does that mean we can make out? But
she’s gone...
INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - ?
15.
...SCOTT WAKES UP, sitting up in the FUTON.
SCOTT
Oh God...
Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott, rubbing his eyes.
WALLACE
What is it, Scott?
SCOTT
I had this totally weird dream.
OTHER VOICE
Oh God.
WALLACE
What is it, Scott?
A scruffy, goateed guy wakes right between Scott and
Wallace:
"OTHER SCOTT, 22, WALLACE’S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY
CURIOUS"
OTHER SCOTT
Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me
not interested.
SCOTT
But there was this girl...
WALLACE
Girl?
OTHER SCOTT
Was this an Envy related dream?
WALLACE
We don’t use the E-word in this
house.
SCOTT
No, it wasn’t her. It was somebody
new...
OTHER SCOTT
Yay for that.
Other Scott goes back to sleep. Wallace rubs his eyes.
WALLACE
16.
Speaking of new, weren’t you
supposed to take your fake high
school girlfriend to the library a
half-hour ago?
SCOTT
What? It’s like, six in the
morning.
Scott opens the bathroom door. Sunlight ignites the room.
SCOTT
Arrrrgh!
Ratings
Scene 7 - Library and Party
KNIVES CHAU
What’s wrong?
Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the
library. He carries a stack of books for Knives.
SCOTT
Libraries remind me of grade
school.
KNIVES CHAU
That must seem like a reeeeally
long time ago.
SCOTT
Uh. Let’s talk about something
else.
The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott’s attention. He
freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM
skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.
KNIVES CHAU
Do you know that girl?
The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON.CA to
the librarian. Scott’s gaze follows the GIRL as she blades
out of the library. Pensive guitar underscores his
thoughts.
KNIVES CHAU
Scott?
Scott continues to stare at the girl. Time slows to a
crawl.
17.
STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
SCOTT!
19 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 19
Scott stands in the rehearsal room, head still in the
clouds.
STEPHEN STILLS
You only played one note for that
entire song.
SCOTT
It was...uh...my hand slipped.
KIM PINE
Is your girlfriend distracting you?
SCOTT
My girlfriend?
A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch.
KNIVES CHAU
I’ll... I’ll be quieter.
STEPHEN STILLS
Let’s do that one again.
SCOTT
Sorry, what are we doing?
20 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT 20
STEPHEN STILLS
I told you like fifty times!
Scott, Kim Pine, Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an
icy Toronto street. Scott’s head is still in the clouds.
KIM PINE
We’re going to this party, retard.
SCOTT
Party?
YOUNG NEIL
At Julie’s.
SCOTT
18.
Ugh. I thought you guys split.
STEPHEN STILLS
We did. But, you know, there may be
some label guys there, so...
SCOTT
Aw, man. This is going to suck.
KIM PINE
At least it will give us something
to complain about.
SCOTT
Awww maaan...
21 INT. JULIE’S HOUSE - NIGHT 21
A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded
house party. Both have red plastic cups in hand.
SCOTT
...this sucks.
YOUNG NEIL
Sucks.
SCOTT
I’m going to go pee due to boredom.
Scott exits frame.
YOUNG NEIL
I have to pee.
Neil sips his drink.
Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek:
’COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)’
SCOTT
Hey Comeau.
COMEAU
Hey Scott. Some party huh? You
gettin’ your drink on?
SCOTT
This is Coke Zero. I don’t drink.
COMEAU
19.
You don’t drink? I remember you
getting ridiculously drunk off two
G&T’s one time and-
SCOTT
(quickly)
Comeau, you know everyone, right?
COMEAU
Pretty much.
SCOTT
Do you know this one girl with hair
like this?
Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona.
COMEAU
Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone
said she was coming tonight
actually.
SCOTT
WHAT?
COMEAU
You got the hots for her? I hear
she’s hardcore...
Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud...
Ratings
Scene 8 - Scott Learns about Ramona
Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his
plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA!
Aloof. Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to
her.
SCOTT
Hey, what’s up?
RAMONA
Nothing.
SCOTT
Hey, you know Pacman?
RAMONA
I know of him.
Scott begins to babble.
20.
SCOTT
Well you know Pac-Man was
originally Puckman but not because
Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck
and paku-paku-paku means flapping
your mouth and they changed it
because if you scratch out the "P"
and turn it into an "F"? You know?
Like...
RAMONA
Yeah that’s amazing.
SCOTT
Um...am I dreaming?
Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away.
SCOTT
I’ll leave you alone forever now.
23 "THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..." 23
Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks
around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude.
Ramona leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil.
SCOTT
DUDE!
YOUNG NEIL
WHA?
SCOTT
SHE’S TOTALLY REAL!
YOUNG NEIL
WHO?
SCOTT
RAMONA FLOWERS!
YOUNG NEIL
WHUH?
JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau.
SCOTT
DUDE. What do you know about Ramona
Flowers?!
COMEAU
21.
All I know is she’s American.
SCOTT
(exotically)
American...
COMEAU
But you should talk to Sandra and
Monique-
"SANDRA AND MONIQUE, 24, TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS"
SCOTT
LADYDUDES! What do you know about
Ramona Flowers?
MONIQUE
I think she has a boyfriend.
SANDRA
Some guy back in New York.
MONIQUE
Doesn’t she have the most
ridiculous name?
SANDRA
I know. It’s so ’Ramona Quimby,
Aged 8’ and yet...Flowers.
The girls laugh. Scott does not.
SCOTT
Yeah. What else?
JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone
about Ramona:
PARTYGOER #1
I heard she kicks all kind of ass.
PARTYGOER #2
She’s on another level.
PARTYGOER #3
She’s got men dying at her feet.
PARTYGOER #4
She’s got some battle scars.
PARTYGOER #5
Not to be entered into lightly.
22.
We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in
front of Scott, arms crossed. Stephen Stills is with her.
JULIE
What about Ramona Flowers?
SCOTT
You know her? Tell me. Now.
JULIE
She just moved here. Got a job with
Amazon. Comes into my work.
SCOTT
Does she really?
STEPHEN STILLS
Didn’t you say she just broke up
with someone, Jools?
SCOTT
Did she reeally?
STEPHEN STILLS
That they had a huge fight or
whatever?
SCOTT
Did they reeeally?
JULIE
...yes. But I didn’t want Scott to
know that, Stephen.
SCOTT
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-
JULIE
Scott, I forbid you from hitting on
Ramona. Even if you haven’t had a
real girlfriend in over a year-
STEPHEN STILLS
Hey whoa, whoa. Scott’s mourning
period is officially over. He’s
totally dating a high schooler.
JULIE
Dating a high schooler is the
mourning period.
STEPHEN STILLS
23.
She’s got a point.
SCOTT
I thought you guys broke up.
JULIE
I don’t want you scaring off the
coolest girl at my party Scott. We
all know you’re a total lady killer
wannabe jerky jerk.
SCOTT
That’s garbage! Completely untrue.
JULIE
That time with Lisa-
SCOTT
Misunderstanding.
JULIE
That time with Hollie-
SCOTT
Not what it looked like!
JULIE
That time you dumped Kim for-
SCOTT
Hey, me and Kim are all good now.
SCOTT looks to KIM. We hear the sound of arctic winds.
JULIE
Whatever, Ramona is out of your
league, let’s leave it at that. And
anyway, I’m not even sure she
really did have a big breakup. She
keeps mentioning some guy named
Gideon.
SCOTT
(not listening)
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-
JULIE
Forget it Scott!!!
Ratings
Scene 9 - Scott Tells Wallace About His Dream Girl and Receives an Important Email
24.
Scott lies on the futon, WIDE awake. Wallace storms in.
WALLACE
Guess who’s druuunk?
SCOTT
I guess Wallace.
WALLACE
You guess right.
Wallace flops onto the futon, landing next to Scott.
SCOTT
So, that girl. From my dream.
WALLACE
Girl. Okay...
SCOTT
I saw her at the library...
WALLACE
Library...can I pretend we’re
talking about a guy?
SCOTT
So then I’m at this party, and hey!
There she is.
WALLACE
There he is.
SCOTT
I think she’s...
WALLACE
You think he’s...
SCOTT
I think she’s the girl of my
dreams.
WALLACE
Mmm. Then you should break up with
your fake high school girlfriend.
SCOTT
I’ve never been so sure about
something.
WALLACE
25.
Then you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.
SCOTT
What’s that?
WALLACE
Break...up...fake...high
school...girlfriend...
SCOTT
I’m not getting it, friend.
Wallace drifts off. RINGY RING! Scott answers. INTERCUT
with STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.
STACEY
You’re thinking of juggling two
chicks!?
SCOTT
Not even!
STACEY
Well, you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.
SCOTT
Wait. Who told you?
STACEY
Duh. Wallace.
SCOTT
He’s not even conscious!
STACEY
Whatever. You of all people should
know how sucky it is to get cheated
on.
SCOTT
Don’t you have a job to do?
STACEY
You’re right. I should send out a
mass text about this. Bye.
Scott looks to Wallace, who is out cold, cellphone in hand.
SCOTT
Wallace, how do you do that?
26.
HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room!
SCOTT (O.S.)
WALLACE!
Wallace sits bolt upright. Scott sits at Wallace’s
computer.
SCOTT
Amazon.ca. What’s the website for
that?
WALLACE
...Amazon.ca.
SCOTT
Awesome! I have to order something
reeeally cool.
COMPUTER
"You’ve got mail!"
SCOTT
Dude! This thing claims I have
mail!
WALLACE
It’s amazing what they can do with
computers these days.
SCOTT
Dude! Now I’m reading it!
WALLACE
I’m so happy for you.
SCOTT
"Dear Mr. Pilgrim, It has come to
my attention that we will be
fighting soon. My name is Matthew
Patel, and I’m" blah blah "fair
warning" blah blah...hmm. This
is...this is...THIS IS...!!!
WALLACE
WHAT?!
SCOTT
This is boring. Delete!
’CLICK.’ Scott walks to the front door. Moments pass.
WALLACE
27.
Scott. Are you waiting for the
package you just ordered?
SCOTT
Maybe.
WALLACE
It’s the weekend. It won’t ship
until Monday at the earliest.
DINGY DONG. Scott JUMPS to his feet.
SCOTT
You were saying?
Scott opens the door. It’s KNIVES CHAU!
SCOTT
Heyyy...
KNIVES CHAU
Attack hug!
Knives smothers Scott.
SCOTT
Attack hug. That’s cute.
He plasters on his best fake smile.
KNIVES CHAU
Remember you were supposed to meet
me at the bus stop a half-hour ago?
SCOTT
How could I possibly forget?
Ratings
Scene 10 - The Battle is On
Scott and Knives flip through the record bins, out of sync.
KNIVES CHAU
Yearbook club is getting SO boring.
I cannot believe the music they put
on while we work.
SCOTT
That’s sucky.
26 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 26
28.
Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. Scott sits on a couch
next to the DO NOT SIT sign, still distracted.
KNIVES CHAU
Hannah broke up with Alan and now
she’s all into Derek...
SCOTT
Uh huh.
27 EXT. PIZZA PIZZA - DAY 27
Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. Knives chows
down on a slice. Scott doesn’t eat, his thoughts elsewhere.
KNIVES CHAU
...but Tamara claims she has dibs
on Derek.
SCOTT
I tell ya’.
28 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 28
Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION, side by side.
Scott plays halfheartedly, his timing off.
KNIVES CHAU
Combo!
Knives goes to flip over Scott, but he messes up. THE
MIRROR IMAGE of Scott’s videogame avatar appears on screen.
KNIVES CHAU
Uh oh, NegaNinja.
NEGANINJA - squares up against Scott’s avatar.
SCOTT
I can never get past that guy.
Scott has his little videogame head cut off. The
"CONTINUE?"
countdown comes up...10...9...8...
KNIVES CHAU
Do you want to keep going?
29.
Scott takes a long look at Knives.
SCOTT
Um, I think...I think...
Scott takes a deep breath. This is never easy. 3...2...1...
29 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 29
STEPHEN STILLS
Game on, everybody. Game. On.
An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. Scott tunes his
bass, alone by the window, staring out.
STEPHEN STILLS
I got us a show.
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
OH MY GOSH WHEN?!
Knives BURSTS into frame. Scott winces.
STEPHEN STILLS
Wednesday, The Rockit. And even
better? It’s the T.I.B.B.
KNIVES CHAU
The Toronto International Battle of
The Bands?!
STEPHEN STILLS
S’right. This guy at work was like
"Steve, do you know anyone in a
band?" and I was like ’I’m in a
band.’ and he was like ’You’re in a
band?’ and I was like ’Yeah I’m
totally in a band’ -
KIM PINE
Great story, man.
KNIVES CHAU
Is there a prize or something?!
STEPHEN STILLS
Only a record deal with G-man
Graves!
SCOTT
What? Who?
30.
KNIVES CHAU
You don’t know?
STEPHEN STILLS
Indie Producer of the millennium?!
SCOTT
Oh.
YOUNG NEIL
Whoa.
Stills gestures to Knives’ home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.
STEPHEN STILLS
If we win...it won’t just be Knives
wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. It’ll
be the cool kids too.
Knives can barely contain herself. She grabs Scott.
KNIVES CHAU
I will do everything I can to get
out of study group and come.
SCOTT
Sure. Great.
We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom.
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, who are you battling?
STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Crash and the Boys.
YOUNG NEIL (O.S.)
That one band with Crash? And those
Boys?
KIM PINE
Yeah that’s the one.
YOUNG NEIL
I hate them!
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, I hate them too!
STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Yeah, they suck.
31.
30 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE, BATHROOM - EVENING 30
Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. The PEE BAR above
his head slowly reduces. He stares at himself in the
mirror.
Scott exits the bathroom, entering...
Ratings
Scene 11 - Dreams and Desires
...a long, empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. Scott’s footsteps
echo as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on
it... RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door, skating past
Scott and down the hall, PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in
her hand.
Scott runs after her, around a corner, down a row of
LOCKERS leading to...the outside of WALLACE’S APARTMENT???
32 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - MORNING 32
Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front
door, THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as
she presses the doorbell. DINGY DONG...
SCOTT
Hi, um, I was thinking about asking
you out, but then I realized how
stupid that would be.
(beat)
So do you wanna go out sometime?
RAMONA
Um, no, that’s okay. You just have
to sign for this alright?
SCOTT
I just woke up, and you were in my
dream. I dreamt you were delivering
me this package. Is that weird?
RAMONA
It’s not weird at all.
SCOTT
It’s not?
RAMONA
32.
No, it’s just like, you’ve got this
really convenient subspace highway
running through your head that I
like to use. It’s like three miles
in fifteen seconds.
SCOTT
Right...
RAMONA
Oh yeah. I forgot you guys don’t
have that in Canada.
SCOTT
You don’t remember me do you? I met
you at the party the other day.
RAMONA
Were you the Pac-Man guy?
SCOTT
No. Not even. That was some total
ass. I was the other guy. You’re
Ramona Flowers right?
RAMONA
That’s me.
SCOTT
So, you’re like American?
RAMONA
Why, am I coming off as rude?
SCOTT
Not at all. Noooooo...
Scott stands in awe of Ramona. She gives him a pen.
RAMONA
You know...you need to sign for
this. Whatever this is?
SCOTT
It’s something really cool. You’d
be impressed.
RAMONA
You still have to sign.
SCOTT
But if I sign for it, you’ll leave.
33.
RAMONA
Yeah. That’s how it works.
SCOTT
Okay well, can we just maybe just
hang out sometime? Get to know each
other? You’re the new kid on the
block, right? I’ve lived here
forever. I mean...there are reasons
for you to hang out with me?
RAMONA
You’re all over the place.
SCOTT
You are like...my dream girl.
RAMONA
I need to find a new route.
SCOTT
Either that or you need to start
hanging out with me.
RAMONA
You want me to hang out with you?
SCOTT
Um...you know...if that’s cool.
RAMONA
If I say yes, will you sign for
your damn package?
Scott finally signs on the dotted line. And throws the
package straight in the trash.
SCOTT
Done. So, yeah. Eight o’clock?
Ratings
Scene 12 - Snowy Date with Ramona
Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the
park. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them.
SCOTT
Why are you just standing there?
RAMONA
Dude, I’m totally waiting on you.
SCOTT
34.
Sorry, I just assumed you were too
cool to be on time.
RAMONA
Well. You assumed wrong.
SCOTT
So what do you want to do? We could
get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip
through some records at Sonic Boom.
Oh, or there’s this awesome game
called Ninja Ninja Revolution at-
RAMONA
I’m not into simulated violence.
SCOTT
I’m cool with whatever you want to
do.
RAMONA
This is good.
Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park.
SCOTT
This is good. So how’d you end up
in Toronto?
RAMONA
Just needed to escape I guess.
SCOTT
Oh yeah?
RAMONA
I got this job here. And Gideon had
always said Toronto was one of the
great cities so...
SCOTT
Is Gideon...is he your boyfriend?
RAMONA
He’s...a friend.
SCOTT
Was he your boyfriend?
RAMONA
Do you mind if we don’t get into
that right now?
35.
SCOTT
It’s so not interesting to me.
They sit on some swings in the park.
RAMONA
So what about you? What do you do?
SCOTT
I’m between jobs.
RAMONA
Between what and what?
SCOTT
My last job is a long story filled
with sighs.
RAMONA
I know plenty of those.
SCOTT
Is that why you left New York?
RAMONA
Pretty much. It was time to head
somewhere a little more chilled.
SCOTT
Well, it’s certainly chilled here.
RAMONA
Yeah.
SCOTT
Uh, chilled as in cold.
RAMONA
Yeah.
SCOTT
I’m totally obsessed with you.
RAMONA
I didn’t mean to get you obsessed.
SCOTT
I just haven’t been obsessed with a
girl for a long time. It’s weird.
RAMONA
That’s probably because you sleep
with a guy.
36.
SCOTT
Um...
RAMONA
I was guessing from your apartment,
but you totally do!
SCOTT
It’s... we’re just poor! We can’t
afford two beds! We’re not gay!
Actually... no... Wallace is pretty
gay.
RAMONA
Dude, relax. I believe you. You’re
too desperate to be gay.
SCOTT
I feel so stupid.
RAMONA
Aw... you’re probably not that
stupid.
Laughing, Ramona hops off her swing.
SCOTT
I’m... mostly stupid.
RAMONA
Well, you’re definitely stupid if
you want to go out with me.
SCOTT
Exactly, yeah.
The snowfall gets heavier.
RAMONA
This is ridiculous. Isn’t it like
April?
SCOTT
Yeah. I can barely see you. This
whole thing is an unmitigated
disaster.
RAMONA
I think ’act of God’ is a pretty
decent excuse for a lousy date.
SCOTT
So this is a ’date’, eh?
37.
RAMONA
Did I say ’date’? Slip of the
tongue.
SCOTT
Tongue...
The snow gets heavier still. Ramona walks away.
RAMONA
Anyway, night’s not over yet. I
think there’s a thingy up here
somewhere.
SCOTT
A thingy?
RAMONA
A door.
SCOTT
A door? I... I... I can’t see you.
I’m blind. Help me.
A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness.
Ramona opens the door. Scott and Ramona fall into
blackness...
Ratings
Scene 13 - Tea and Blankets
Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona’s cozy, girl
friendly apartment. He watches as she slips out of her
coat.
RAMONA
What kind of tea do you want?
SCOTT
There’s more than one kind?
RAMONA
We have blueberry, raspberry,
ginseng, sleepytime, green tea,
green tea with lemon, green tea
with lemon and honey, liver
disaster, ginger with honey, ginger
without honey, vanilla almond,
white truffle, blueberry chamomile,
vanilla walnut, constant comment
and earl grey.
38.
SCOTT
Did you make some of those up?
RAMONA
I think I’ll have sleepytime.
SCOTT
That sounds good to me.
RAMONA
Let me get you a blanket.
SCOTT
That would actually be awesome.
Ramona exits. After a moment alone, Scott ventures
upstairs.
He wanders towards a half open door. Pushing it open, he
finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt.
RAMONA
Dude! I’m changing.
Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK.
SCOTT (O.S.)
AAAH! Sorry, I’m just...cold!
RAMONA (O.S.)
Here, does this help?
SCOTT (O.S.)
That’s...very warm. What is that?
Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him.
SCOTT
Ohh...kay.
They look into each others eyes...camera circles Scott and
Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session. Scott
imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky
bassline. Ramona breaks off, smiling. Scott is in heaven.
SCOTT
Were you..were you just going to
bring the blanket from your bed?
RAMONA
I guess...
39.
SCOTT
Maybe...maybe we should both get
under it...since we’re so cold.
RAMONA
Well...what about our tea?
SCOTT
I can...not have tea.
The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt
off, revealing black panties to complement black bra. Scott
takes his shirt off. They tumble onto the bed and make out.
Then-
RAMONA
I changed my mind.
SCOTT
Changed it to what? From what?
RAMONA
I don’t want to have sex with you,
Pilgrim. Not right now.
SCOTT
Ohh...kay.
RAMONA
It’s not like I’m gonna send you
home in a snowstorm or anything.
You can sleep in my bed. And I
reserve the right to change my mind
about the sex later.
Ramona curls up next to Scott.
SCOTT
This is cool, just this. It’s been
like a really long time, and this
is...I think I needed this.
Whatever this is. So, thanks.
RAMONA
You’re welcome.
They exchange a smile. Then without warning we jump cut to
-
35 INT. RAMONA’S ROOM - MORNING 35
40.
DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. Ramona is gone. An arrow points to
the empty spot in the bed next to him.
’RAMONA’ Another arrow point out that-
’SHE’S IN THE SHOWER’ Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a
towel. Scott relaxes.
RAMONA
I have to work.
SCOTT
Work?
RAMONA
You have to leave.
Ratings
Scene 14 - Ramona's Number
Ramona skates towards the front gate, Scott walking next to
her. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks.
SCOTT
Hey, can this not be a one night
stand? For one thing, I didn’t even
get any...that was a joke.
RAMONA
What did you have in mind?
SCOTT
Umm...oh, come to the first round
of this battle of the bands thing.
RAMONA
(totally unimpressed)
You have a band?
SCOTT
Yeah, we’re terrible. Please come.
RAMONA
Sure.
Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow...(somehow)
SCOTT
Wait! Can I get your number?
SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop, right back next to
Scott. She hands him a note. ’RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665,
xxxxxxx’
41.
SCOTT
Wow, girl number.
Scott looks back up. Ramona is already skating far, far
away.
RAMONA
See you at the show, Scott Pilgrim.
SCOTT
Oh, hey! It’s tonight...At The-
37 INT. THE ROCKIT - NIGHT 37
’THE ROCKIT, FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET’
Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of
young hipsters, reaching Scott at the bar. He stands with
Wallace and Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing
glasses.
SCOTT
You totally came!
RAMONA
Yes. I did totally come.
Scott is so amazed at her presence, his social skills
vanish.
STACEY
Excuse my brother. He’s chronically
enfeebled. I’m Stacey.
RAMONA
Hey.
STACEY
And this is Wallace, his room-mate.
WALLACE
Hey.
STACEY
And this is my boyfriend Jimmy.
WALLACE
(staring at Jimmy)
Heyyy.
STACEY
And this is Knives, Scott’s-
42.
Scott goes white. He didn’t even see Knives come in.
SCOTT
HEYYYYYYYY!
KNIVES CHAU
Hey.
Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. He pushes her away. Knives
looks kinda sexy, wearing makeup and new clothes.
KNIVES CHAU
Do you like?
SCOTT
I...uh...
LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. Stacey stares at Scott. Knives
and Ramona stare at each other. Wallace stares at Jimmy.
SCOTT
Have. To. Go.
Scott scurries off. We hear feedback from a mic onstage.
PROMOTER (O.S.)
This next band are from Brampton
and they are Crash And The Boys.
38 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 38
Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping
through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band.
STEPHEN STILLS
This is a nightmare. Is this a
nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake
up.
KIM PINE
Once we’re on stage you’ll be fine.
STEPHEN STILLS
We were just on stage. For sound
check. The sound guy hated us.
SCOTT
It’s just nerves! Pre-show jitters.
People love us. Right?
43.
Scott sounds less than convincing. He looks up at Ramona
and Knives sitting with Wallace, Jimmy and Stacey in the
BALCONY.
39 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 39
Crash and The Boys tune up. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy.
WALLACE
Jimmy. Do they rock or suck?
JIMMY
They...haven’t started playing yet.
WALLACE
That was a test, Jimmy. You passed.
CRASH
Good evening. I am Crash, and these
are the Boys.
WALLACE
IS THAT GIRL A BOY, TOO?
CRASH
Yes.
TRASHA, 8 year old girl drummer, gives Wallace the finger.
40 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 40
Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. Kim glowers.
KIM PINE
They have a girl drummer?
Ratings
Scene 15 - Crash and The Boys' Gig
CRASH
This is called "I am so sad. I am
so very very sad." And it goes a
little something like this.
Crash and the Boys play a whole song in .04 seconds.
CRASH
Thank you.
Wallace yells from the balcony.
44.
WALLACE
IT’S NOT A RACE, GUYS!
CRASH
This song is for the guy who keeps
yelling from the balcony, and it’s
called "We Hate You, Please Die."
WALLACE
Sweet, I love this one!
Crash continues his rampage of musical hate.
42 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 42
STEPHEN STILLS
These guys are good. Are these guys
good?
Kim Pine scowls harder than ever.
STEPHEN STILLS
These guys are good.
43 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 43
CRASH
This is called "Last Song Kills
Audience". It’ll be our last song
tonight and your last song EVER...
Sound explodes from the stage. The audience are stunned.
44 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 44
Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band.
STEPHEN STILLS
How are we supposed to follow this?
We’re not going to win, we’re not
gonna sign with G-Man and we’ll
never play opening night at the
Chaos Theatre.
(FREAKING OUT)
GODDAMN IT SCOTT, WILL YOU STOP
JUST STANDING THERE, YOU’RE
FREAKING ME OUT!
45 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 45
45.
As Crash And The Boys climax, Stacey turns to Ramona.
STACEY
So, how do you know Scott?
RAMONA
He’s...um. He’s a friend.
STACEY
Hard for me to keep track
sometimes. He has so many friends.
Ramona arches an eyebrow. Stacey turns to Knives and
Tamara.
STACEY
So Knives, how did you meet Scott?
46 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 46
Scott looks up into the balcony, sees Stacey talking to
Knives. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the
face.
SCOTT
We gotta play now and loud!
47 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 47
Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives’ story.
KNIVES CHAU
Well, I was on the bus with my Mom-
Knives freezes, staring at the stage.
RAMONA
Is that seriously the end of the
story?
KNIVES CHAU
OH MY GOSH, they’re on!
Ratings
Scene 16 - Sex Bob-Omb vs. Matthew Patel
ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic.
PROMOTER
46.
This next band is from Toronto
and...yeah. So give it up for
Sex...Bob-Omb?
SEX BOB-OMB walk on. Wallace and Knives give the only
cheers.
STEPHEN STILLS
Scott...you ready?
Scott nods vigorously.
STEPHEN STILLS
Kim...you rea-
KIM PINE
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. ONE, TWO...
ANGLE on Knives. She faints in the excitement.
KIM PINE
THREE, FOUR!
Sex Bob-omb rock out, barely into the first verse when a
chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER
KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole, finger pointed at
Scott as he sails towards the stage!
MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a
lopsided fringe. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that
borders on flamboyant. He drags on a cigarette (blacked
out).
MATTHEW PATEL
Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew
Patel. Consider our fight...begun!
SCOTT
What did I do?
Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott.
SCOTT
What do I do?!
WALLACE
FIGHT!
Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with
his left arm, then PUNCHES him across the floor with his
right. Patel LANDS like a cat, FLIPS his fringe and GLARES
at Scott.
47.
MATTHEW PATEL
Alright. Alright.
WALLACE
Watch out! It’s that one guy!
SCOTT
Thank you, Wallace!
Patel RUNS at Scott. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and
sends him flying into the air. They land in THE PIT,
knocking hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting
circle.
MATTHEW PATEL
You’re quite the opponent, Pilgrim.
SCOTT
Who the hell are you anyway?
The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters.
MATTHEW PATEL
My name is Matthew Patel and I’m
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!
SCOTT
You’re what?
MATTHEW PATEL
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!
All eyes WHIP up to Ramona...
RAMONA
Anyone need another drink?
Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Scott blocks. Patel
punches. Scott blocks, then holds his hand up for a time-
out.
SCOTT
We’re fighting because of Ramona?
MATTHEW PATEL
Didn’t you get my e-mail explaining
the situation?
SCOTT
I skimmed it.
MATTHEW PATEL
You will pay for your insolence!
48.
Patel attacks, landing kicks and punches. Scott evades and
counter-attacks. Patel evades, then lands more punches.
Scott jump-spins away from danger. They pause, breathing
heavy.
WALLACE
What’s up with his outfit?
OTHER HECKLER
Yeah! Is he a pirate?
Scott looks at Patel’s outfit.
SCOTT
Are you a pirate?
MATTHEW PATEL
Pirates are in this year!
Patel attacks again. They exchange furious blows, until
Patel puts Scott in a choke hold. Scott looks up to Ramona.
SCOTT
You really went out with this guy?
RAMONA
Yeah, in the seventh grade.
The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the
balcony. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK.
RAMONA
It was football season and for some
reason, all the little jocks wanted
me. Matthew was the only non-white,
non-jock boy in school, probably in
the entire state, so we joined
forces and took ’em all out. We
were one hell of a team. Nothing
could beat Matthew’s mystical
powers. Nothing but pre-teen
capriciousness. We only kissed
once. After a week and a half, I
told him to hit the showers.
The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel.
SCOTT
Dude, wait...mystical powers?
Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona.
49.
MATTHEW PATEL
You’ll pay for this, Flowers!
Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG!
MATTHEW PATEL
If you want to fight me, you’re not
the brightest. You won’t know
what’s hit you in the slightest.
Patel levitates into the air. Four hot girls in skirts with
fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him.
MATTHEW PATEL
Me and my fireballs and my Demon
Hipster Chicks, I’m talking the
talk because I know I’m slick.
Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at
Scott.
He flips back onto the stage, narrowly dodging the attack.
MATTHEW PATEL
Fireball Girls! Take this sucker
down.
The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. Scott
dodges. The house drum kit is trashed behind him.
MATTHEW PATEL
Let us show him what we’re all
about.
Scott hits the ground, dodging a third wave of fireballs.
They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings.
SCOTT
That doesn’t even rhyme.
Scott rolls across the stage, GRABS one of Kim’s CYMBALS
and throws it Captain America style. It hits Patel square
in the eyes. POOF, the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish.
MATTHEW PATEL
This is impossible, how can it be?!
Scott leaps into the air. Patel opens his eyes just in time
to see Scott Pilgrim’s FIST racing towards his face.
SCOTT
Open your eyes. Maybe you’ll see.
50.
K.O! Scott punches Patel. He explodes into COINS. They
clatter to the stage floor. Scott lands and picks them up.
SCOTT
Sweet. Coins.
Ratings
Scene 17 - Defeating the Exes
Ramona makes her way out fast. Passes Stacey.
RAMONA
Well, it was great meeting you.
Tell your gay friends I said bye.
STACEY
Gay friends?
Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out.
STACEY
WALLACE?! Not again!
Ramona passes Knives, who is being resuscitated by Tamara.
50 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 50
Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them.
SCOTT
Aw man. $2.40? That’s not even
enough for the bus home.
RAMONA
I’ll lend you the 30 cents.
Ramona yanks Scott away. The Promoter ambles back onstage.
PROMOTER
Yeah...so like, Sex Bob-Omb wins.
51 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 51
Knives is now wide awake, clapping wildly from the balcony.
Her eyes scan the venue for Scott...but he is long gone.
52 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 52
51.
SCOTT
Sooooooo...
A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.
SCOTT
What was all that all about?
RAMONA
Uh, I guess...
Ramona takes a breath. Looks deep into Scott’s eyes.
RAMONA
If we’re going to date, you may
have to defeat my seven evil ex’s.
SCOTT
You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?
RAMONA
Seven ex’s, yes.
SCOTT
So I have to fight-
RAMONA
Defeat.
SCOTT
-defeat your seven evil ex’s if
we’re going to continue to date.
RAMONA
Pretty much.
SCOTT
So, what you’re saying is...
(beat)
We are dating?
RAMONA
Uh, I guess.
SCOTT
Cool. Do you want to make out?
RAMONA
Uh...
Scott kisses Ramona. The studio audience ’awwww’s.
52.
Ratings
Scene 18 - Ramona's Ultimatum
A bleary Wallace fries bacon. Scott bursts through the
front door, a spring in his step. The studio audience
applauds.
WALLACE
Someone’s happy.
SCOTT
Well, someone got to second base
last night. And someone has a
second date tonight.
WALLACE
Someone’s lucky then.
SCOTT
You know when I say ’˜someone’, I
mean me, right? I got to second
base last night...maybe first and a
half.
Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott.
SCOTT
Oh, hey, I’m inviting Ramona over
for dinner, so you can’t be here
tonight. I don’t want you gaying up
the place.
WALLACE
Okay, Scott. But in return I have
to issue an ultimatum.
SCOTT
One of your famous ultimatums?
WALLACE
It may live in infamy...You have to
break up with Knives. Today. Okay?
Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace’s bacon.
SCOTT
But...but...it’s HARD.
WALLACE
If you don’t do it, I’m going to
tell Ramona about Knives. I swear
to God, Scott.
SCOTT
53.
But you...you’re...
At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom
and helps himself to coffee.
JIMMY
Morning.
Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly.
SCOTT
DOUBLE STANDARD!
WALLACE
I didn’t make up the gay rulebook.
If you have a problem with it, take
it up with Liberace’s Ghost.
SCOTT
You’re a monster.
WALLACE
Now put the bacon down and go do
your dirt while I watch the Lucas
Lee marathon on TBS Superstation.
SCOTT
Who’s Lucas Lee?
Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW
magazine.
WALLACE
He was this pretty good skater and
now he’s this pretty good actor.
He’s filming a Winifred Hailey
movie in Toronto right now.
SCOTT
They make movies in Toronto?
WALLACE
Yes. I am stalking him later.
SCOTT
So, this Lucas Lee-
WALLACE
Lucas Lee is not important to you
right now! Get out.
SCOTT
You suck. Surprising no one.
54.
Scott grumbles off. Wallace turns the television way up. We
see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller.
LUCAS LEE (ON TV)
Listen close and listen hard,
bucko. The next click is me hanging
up. The one after that...is me
pulling the trigger.
54 EXT. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET - DAY 54
A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone.
SCOTT
Oh, hey, Knives. Um, do you want
to, like, talk or whatever?
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like
a spring jacket? And a hoodie?
SCOTT
Ummm...
Scott checks what he’s wearing. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores.
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
And a dorky hat?!
SCOTT
It’s not dorky! Why are you
psychic?
A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass.
SCOTT
Oh. Uh...okay. Hi.
Ratings
Scene 19 - Breaking Up is Hard to Do
The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.
Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE
CLASH AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY
ADAMS posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow
and mist.
KNIVES CHAU
I can’t believe they’re coming to
town. Will you take me to the show?
55.
SCOTT
Yeah, listen-
The SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder, pounding inside Scott’s head.
KNIVES CHAU
Oh, hey, I wanted to invite you
over for dinner.
SCOTT
Like, Chinese food?
KNIVES CHAU
Yeah.
SCOTT
Hmm. It’s not my favorite.
KNIVES CHAU
Yeah. Well, to meet my parents.
It’s my birthday dinner.
SCOTT
Uh...I think that’s a really bad
idea. Like, really, just so bad.
KNIVES CHAU
No, it’s okay. Why?
SCOTT
Well I mean, I’m too old for you!
KNIVES CHAU
No you’re not! My Dad is nine years
older than my Mom...
SCOTT
And...and...are you even allowed to
date outside your race or whatever?
KNIVES CHAU
I don’t care. I’m in...LOVE!
Knives is so smitten, the word actually appears onscreen.
Scott brushes it away. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop.
SCOTT
Um, listen...I was thinking we
should break up or whatever.
KNIVES CHAU
Really?
56.
SCOTT
Yeah...um...it’s not going to work
out.
KNIVES CHAU
Oh...
Scott walks out, leaving Knives in the aisle.
Ratings
Scene 20 - Breakup and Introduction
Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Knives.
CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store, in shock.
ON THE BUS: Scott sighs, thinks of something happier...
CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading, her funky pink hair.
ON THE BUS: Scott smiles, a little happier.
57 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ BASEMENT 57
Sex Bob-Omb tune up. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.
KIM PINE
Where’s Knives? Not coming tonight?
SCOTT
Oh. No. We broke up.
Young Neil PAUSES his DS. Kim and Stills share a look.
SCOTT
OH! Check it out, I learned the
bass line from Final Fantasy 2.
Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune.
KIM PINE
Scott, you are the salt of the
earth.
SCOTT
Aw, thanks.
KIM PINE
Wait. I meant scum of the earth.
SCOTT
Aw, thanks.
YOUNG NEIL
You...you broke up with Knives?
57.
SCOTT
Yeah, but don’t worry, maybe you’ll
meet my new new girlfriend soon.
YOUNG NEIL
Newnew.
Kim mimes shooting herself. Stills unplugs Scott’s amp.
STEPHEN STILLS
Okay! From here on out, no
GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at
practice, whether they’re old, new
or new-new. We were lucky to
survive that last round. This is
sudden death now. Okay?
SCOTT
Okay!
DINGY DONG...
SCOTT
That’s for me.
Scott opens the door to see Ramona, now sporting BLUE HAIR.
SCOTT
Hey...you’re here?
RAMONA
Yes. Like you said. Is it not cool?
Scott ushers her in, weirded out by this hair development.
SCOTT
You know your hair?
RAMONA
I know of it.
SCOTT
It’s all blue.
RAMONA
Yeah. I just dyed it. Are you going
to introduce me?
SCOTT
Oh yeah, this is Stephen Stills,
Young Neil, that’s... Kim.
RAMONA
58.
Hey everyone.
Everyone mumbles back. Scott still stares at Ramona’s hair.
SCOTT
Is it weird not being pink anymore?
RAMONA
I change my hair every week and a
half, dude. Get used to it.
(to Sex-Bob-Omb)
So...uh...how do you guys all know
each other?
YOUNG NEIL
High school, I guess?
STEPHEN STILLS
What Neil said.
YOUNG NEIL
I’m Neil.
KIM PINE
Believe it or not, I actually dated
Scott in high school.
RAMONA
Got any embarrassing stories?
KIM PINE
Yeah. He’s an idiot.
Scott fake laughs. Starts ushering Ramona out again.
SCOTT
Okay. Cool. See you guys tomorrow.
STEPHEN STILLS
Uh, what about rehearsal?
SCOTT
Neil knows my parts.
YOUNG NEIL
(to Stills)
I’m Neil.
Ratings
Scene 21 - Garlic Bread and Haircuts
59.
Ramona lounges, reading a magazine. A tense Scott hurries
around the kitchen area, preparing food as Wallace looks
on.
WALLACE
Are you doing okay there?
SCOTT
Yeah, good. Good.
Ramona goes to the bathroom. Scott drops the act.
SCOTT
She changed her hair.
WALLACE
So? It looks nice blue.
SCOTT
I know, but she changed it without
even making a big deal about it.
She’s spontaneous. Impulsive.
Fickle. Oh my god, what do I do?
WALLACE
I can’t believe you were worried
about me gaying up the place.
Ramona returns. Wallace pulls on a jacket.
RAMONA
How’s dinner coming along?
SCOTT
Yeah, good. Good.
WALLACE
I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. I’m
heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my
hetero crush.
Scott stops Wallace at the door, with a panicked whisper.
SCOTT
Don’t go.
WALLACE
Will you man the hell up? You could
get to 2nd and a half base.
SCOTT
You think so?
60.
WALLACE
Well, if you strike out in the next
hour, come find me at the Castle.
SCOTT
’If I strike out’?
WALLACE
Okay, ’when’. See you in sixty.
’15 MINUTES LATER’ Ramona and Scott eat on the floor,
picnic style. Scott has cooked garlic bread (and only
garlic bread) for dinner.
RAMONA
This is actually really good garlic
bread.
SCOTT
Garlic bread is my favorite food. I
could honestly eat it for every
meal. Or just all the time without
even stopping.
RAMONA
You’d get fat.
SCOTT
No. Why would I get fat?
RAMONA
Bread makes you fat.
SCOTT
Bread makes you FAT??
’15 MINUTES LATER’ A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his
bass guitar.
SCOTT
So I wrote a song about you.
RAMONA
Oh yeah?
SCOTT
Yeah, it goes like this: Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ooooh.
RAMONA
I can’t wait to hear it when it’s
finished.
61.
SCOTT
Finished?
’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott makes out with Ramona on the
futon.
Scott smiles as she runs her hands through his hair.
RAMONA
Your hair’s pretty shaggy.
SCOTT
OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON’T I?!?
Scott sits up like a shot. Ramona is taken aback.
RAMONA
What?
SCOTT
Ha. No, sorry. It’s just that I
got... I got a bad haircut right
before me and my big ex broke up.
But it’s so long ago, I can barely
remember it...
A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. Earl Jones deep.
NARRATOR
Scott is acutely aware that his
last salon haircut took place
exactly 431 days ago, three hours
before his big breakup. He blames
this largely on the haircut and has
been cutting his own hair ever
since.
RAMONA
Sounds like a bad time.
SCOTT
Not really.
NARRATOR
It was.
SCOTT
It was a mutual thing.
NARRATOR
It wasn’t.
SCOTT
62.
I mean, she told me it was mutual.
NARRATOR
She dumped him. It was brutal.
RAMONA
What was her name?
SCOTT
She was Nat when I knew her. But
she stopped liking that name.
Then...she stopped liking me...
RAMONA
Your hair is cute. I like it long.
SCOTT
But it’d be cuter short! Wouldn’t
it?!
Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears, now wearing
his dorky SNOW HAT, hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps.
RAMONA
What? Why are you wearing that?
SCOTT
I thought we could go for a walk.
Ratings
Scene 22 - The Magical Castle
’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY, long
handrail between them.
RAMONA
Tell me we didn’t come out here
just so you could cover your hair
with that hat.
SCOTT
Nooo. I just love me some walking.
Putting one leg in front of the
other.
RAMONA
You seem a little...heightened.
SCOTT
63.
Yeah. I don’t know. I just, when
I’m with you I feel like I’m on
drugs. Not that I do drugs, unless
you do, in which case I do drugs
all the time, every drug, but...you
make me feel...I don’t know. Things
seem a little brighter around you
or something.
Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and
NIGHT TURNS TO DAY, as if crossing a magical line.
RAMONA
What is this place?
SCOTT
A totally awesome castle. They’re
shooting this movie up here.
Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA, a castle
surrounded by big, bright movie set lights.
RAMONA
Who’s in it?
SCOTT
Winifred Hailey and some actor guy.
RAMONA
Oh, who?
SCOTT
I forget. Let’s find out.
Ratings
Scene 23 - Lucas Lee's Movie Set
A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by
some GOON. A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man.
Scott and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS, including
Wallace.
RAMONA
Did you find the guy you’re
stalking?
WALLACE
I think I’m about to right now.
FIRST A.D.
Mr. Lee is travelling!
64.
RAMONA
Mr. Lee?
WALLACE
Lucas Lee.
RAMONA
Ooh.
SCOTT
Ooh?
The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he
exits his trailer, smoking a cigarette (blacked out). He
skates towards the set, doing kickflips. The spectators go
’oooh’.
WALLACE
I want to have his adopted babies.
RAMONA
Oh, man. We gotta go.
SCOTT
What? Why?
RAMONA
I used to date that clown.
WALLACE
Slut.
RAMONA
Wallace. I am not a slut.
WALLACE
I can think of no higher accolade.
Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode.
LUCAS LEE
Action.
Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON.
SCOTT
Oh...my...God...
LUCAS LEE
Hey. The only thing keeping me and
her apart is the two minutes it’s
gonna take to kick your ass.
65.
SCOTT
...you dated a FAMOUS guy?!
RAMONA
In 9th grade. We had drama.
Actually, it might have been math.
I just remember there being lots of
drama.
LUCAS LEE
HEY!!!
Lucas Lee points at Scott, who remains oblivious.
RAMONA
He just followed me around. He was
a little snot nosed brat.
SCOTT
He had snot? In his nose? But he’s
famous!
LUCAS LEE
HEY!!!
RAMONA
It’s not a big deal. I only dated
him for a week and a half-
LUCAS LEE
I’m talking to you Scott Pilgrim!
Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott, who gasps.
SCOTT
He’s famous and he talked to me!
LUCAS LEE
The only thing keeping me and her
apart is the two minutes it’s gonna
take to kick your ass!
SCOTT
Can I get-
POW! Lucas Lee punches Scott, flooring him. Scott comes
back up with a pen and paper, wobbly.
SCOTT
Can I get your autograph?
POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He nods to Ramona.
66.
LUCAS LEE
Sup. How’s life? He seems nice.
Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret, crumbling
it. Scott CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set.
Lucas holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo, then
stomps over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground.
WALLACE
Scott. Evil ex. Fight.
LUCAS LEE
Think you stand a chance against an
A-lister, bro?
Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He slides across the wet-
down ground. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas’ knuckles with
antiseptic.
LUCAS LEE
Some competish you are.
Lucas Lee wanders off. Scott staggers to his feet, punchy.
SCOTT
Hey... hey... hey! I’m not done-
Scott spins Lucas around, only to find an identical STAND
IN!
LUCAS LEE (O.S.)
Looks like you’re seeing double.
Scott turns to see the real Lucas, smirking on the
sidelines. POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the
ground.
LUCAS LEE
He’s good, right? Sometimes I let
him do wide shots if I feel like
getting blazed back in my winnie.
Scott stands to fight the double. Suddenly, COUNTLESS
STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN, all identically
dressed, all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble.
LUCAS LEE
I’m nothing without my stunt team.
The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl. Scott
PUNCHES through a couple of the boards, Tae Kwon Doe style.
67.
WALLACE
Ask them how it feels to always get
his sloppy seconds!
SCOTT
How does it feel to-
KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face, followed by a
barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and
ribs.
LUCAS LEE
I’m gonna get coffee. You homies
want anything?
We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. We hear
the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to
nothing.
SCOTT (O.S.)
Mr. Lee?
Lucas turns, shocked to see Scott, in front of a PAINTED 2-
D SKYLINE BACKDROP, surrounded by many unconscious
stuntmen.
SCOTT
You’re needed back on set.
Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK. Lucas
GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop. RRRIP!
Scott lands in a CRUMP, framed through the torn skyline.
Lucas stomps over to him, preparing for the deathblow.
LUCAS LEE
Prepare... prepare to feel the
wrath of the League of Evil Exes!
SCOTT
The League of Evil Axes?
LUCAS LEE
You really don’t know about the
"The League"?
SCOTT
Ummm...
LUCAS LEE
68.
Seven evil exes? Coming to kill
you? Controlling the future of
Ramona’s love life?
SCOTT
...no.
LUCAS LEE
Oh, well then don’t worry about it.
SCOTT
Really?
LUCAS LEE
Yeah, bro. Let’s get a beer.
Lucas offers a hand. Scott goes to shake it. POW! Lucas
gets him square in the mouth. Scott smiles through his
aching jaw.
SCOTT
You are a pretty good actor.
LUCAS LEE
I’m going for the Oscar this year.
SCOTT
But are you a pretty good skater?
LUCAS LEE
I’m more than pretty good, ese. I
have my own skate company.
Lucas pulls down his shirt, revealing a skate company
tattoo.
SCOTT
So you can sell them, but can you
do a thingy on that rail?
Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs.
LUCAS LEE
It’s called a grind, bro.
SCOTT
So can you do a grind thingy now?
LUCAS LEE
Are you serious? There’s like 200
steps and the rails are garbage.
SCOTT
69.
Hey, if it’s too hardcore...
LUCAS LEE
You really think you can goad me
into doing a trick like that?
SCOTT
There’s girls watching.
LUCAS LEE
Somebody get me my board.
Wallace taps Lucas’ shoulder and hands him his skateboard.
WALLACE
Hi. Big fan.
LUCAS LEE
Why wouldn’t you be?
CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT, a perfect ollie onto the rail.
Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight,
sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL...HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... Cut
back to Scott & Wallace, impressed at Lucas.
SCOTT
Wow.
HSSSSSSSSS...
Cut back to Scott & Wallace, very impressed at Lucas.
SCOTT
Wow.
HSSSSSSSSS...
Cut back to Scott & Wallace. Scott’s about to say ’wow’
when- BOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the
stairs.
WALLACE
Wow, he totally bailed.
SCOTT
Yes!
Fist bump. Scott smacks his forehead.
SCOTT
I didn’t get his autograph.
70.
FIRST A.D.
Uh...that’s a wrap everybody.
SCOTT
Where’s Ramona? Is she still here?
WALLACE
No, she totally bailed.
SCOTT
What’s the deal? Seriously.
Ratings
Scene 24 - Breakup Reflections
Scott slumps on the couch, phone pressed to his ear.
Wallace cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). We hear the
OUTGOING MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging
system. RAMONA is not available, please record your message
after the beep.
SCOTT
Hey. It’s me, Scott again. Call me
back. Scott Pilgrim.
(hangs up)
What’s the deal? Seriously.
Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it.
WALLACE
Yeah, you said that last night.
SCOTT
You know what really sucks though?
WALLACE
What?
SCOTT
Everything!
WALLACE
Come on guy, you can’t say you
didn’t see this coming. It was
right under your nose.
Wallace points to t