Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here
|Story Content||Character Development||Scene Elements||Audience Engagement||Technical Aspects|
|Scene Number||Full Analysis||Tone||Overall Grade||Concept||Plot||Originality Score||Characters||Character Changes||Internal Goal||External Goal||Conflict||Opposition||High stakes||Story forward||Twist||Emotional Impact||Dialogue||Engagement||Pacing||Formatting||Structure|
|1||Scott's Little Secret||"Light-hearted"||8||7||6||6||9||3||8||7||4||0||2||5||0||4||9||8||8||10||9|
|2||Introducing Knives Chau||"Light-hearted"||8||8||7||3||8||3||8||8||3||0||4||7||0||5||8||6||8||9||8|
|3||Band Rehearsal with Knives Chau||"Light-hearted, playful"||8||7||7||0||8||4||0||0||6||0||3||5||0||6||9||0||0||0||0|
|4||Scott's confession to Wallace||"light-hearted"||8||9||7||7||9||4||8||9||4||0||3||5||0||3||10||9||8||8||9|
|5||A Day Out with Knives Chau||"Light"||7||8||6||5||7||2||8||7||3||0||2||4||0||4||8||7||9||10||9|
|6||Dream Sequence and Morning After||"Whimsical"||8||7||7||7||9||4||8||7||5||0||4||7||0||6||8||8||7||9||8|
|7||Library and Party||"Light-hearted"||8||7||8||5||8||2||8||9||4||0||3||7||0||3||7||7||8||10||9|
|8||Scott Learns about Ramona||"Humorous"||8||8||7||6||9||4||8||6||6||0||5||7||0||6||9||8||9||8||9|
|9||Scott Tells Wallace About His Dream Girl and Receives an Important Email||"Humorous"||7||8||7||9||7||2||8||7||6||0||5||6||0||5||8||9||9||8||7|
|10||The Battle is On||"Light-hearted"||8||7||8||7||7||4||9||9||5||0||7||8||0||6||8||10||10||9||8|
|11||Dreams and Desires||"Light-hearted"||8||9||7||7||8||3||8||8||5||0||2||7||0||6||8||8||8||9||9|
|12||Snowy Date with Ramona||"light-hearted"||9||8||8||6||9||6||8||7||6||0||5||7||0||7||10||8||7||9||8|
|13||Tea and Blankets||"Whimsical, Fantastical"||9||8||7||8||9||7||9||7||5||0||6||7||0||9||10||8||9||9||8|
|15||Crash and The Boys' Gig||"Energetic"||8||8||7||6||8||4||8||7||6||0||6||8||0||5||7||9||9||10||9|
|16||Sex Bob-Omb vs. Matthew Patel||"Humorous and adventurous"||8||7||8||7||7||4||8||8||9||0||7||8||0||5||9||9||9||8||9|
|17||Defeating the Exes||"Lighthearted"||9||8||9||7||10||6||8||7||5||0||6||8||0||6||9||9||7||10||9|
|19||Breaking Up is Hard to Do||"Awkward"||8||7||9||8||8||7||8||9||7||0||6||8||0||8||8||9||9||9||8|
|20||Breakup and Introduction||"Lighthearted"||8||7||7||6||8||2||9||8||5||0||2||5||0||4||7||8||8||10||9|
|21||Garlic Bread and Haircuts||"Whimsical"||8||7||8||6||9||6||8||7||5||0||5||7||0||6||8||9||7||9||8|
|22||The Magical Castle||"quirky, upbeat"||8||7||7||0||8||3||0||0||3||0||2||6||0||5||9||0||0||0||0|
|23||Lucas Lee's Movie Set||"Humorous, adventurous, and romantic"||9||8||9||7||9||6||9||9||10||0||9||8||0||7||8||9||8||9||8|
|24||Breakup Reflections||"humorous, awkward"||8||7||8||6||8||3||8||9||6||0||4||6||0||5||9||9||9||10||10|
|26||Envy and Julie||"whimsical"||8||7||7||6||9||5||8||9||6||0||4||7||0||6||10||9||8||10||9|
|27||Moving On and Opening Up for Business||"Light-hearted, with a touch of sadness"||8||7||7||6||9||6||8||7||6||0||6||7||0||8||8||8||8||9||7|
|28||Knives plots to win back Scott||"Awkward"||7||7||6||7||8||5||8||9||8||0||4||7||0||6||7||8||9||10||9|
|29||The Clash at Demonhead Concert||"Anxious"||8||7||8||9||8||6||9||8||8||0||8||8||0||7||8||8||9||9||9|
|30||Showdown at Lee's Palace||"Humorous and intense"||9||8||9||7||9||7||8||8||10||0||10||9||0||8||8||9||9||8||9|
|31||Vegan Police||"Humorous and intense"||10||8||10||9||9||7||7||8||10||0||9||10||0||8||8||8||8||9||9|
|32||Pizza and Parties||"Bittersweet"||8||7||6||4||9||4||6||5||4||0||2||5||0||6||8||7||9||9||8|
|34||Battle of the Bands||"tense, but comedic"||8||8||7||7||7||3||8||9||9||0||7||7||0||5||8||9||9||9||8|
|35||Battle of the Bands||"Energetic"||9||8||9||9||8||6||8||9||10||0||10||9||0||7||7||10||9||8||9|
|38||The Final Battle||"Tense"||7||8||7||6||8||7||7||8||9||0||10||8||0||7||7||9||9||10||8|
|39||The Final Showdown||"Action-packed, dramatic"||9||9||8||9||8||9||8||9||10||0||10||9||0||8||7||9||9||9||8|
|40||Ramona's Confession||"Humorous, with a touch of sadness"||8||8||7||9||9||7||8||9||6||0||7||8||0||7||8||10||9||9||8|
|41||Scott breaks the wall||"Tense"||7||8||8||7||7||7||8||9||9||0||9||8||0||5||6||9||8||8||9|
|42||The Ultimate Showdown!||"Light-hearted"||8||9||8||0||7||7||0||0||9||0||9||8||0||7||7||0||0||0||0|
|43||Redemption and Reconciliation||"Hopeful"||9||9||10||6||9||9||9||8||4||0||3||8||0||9||8||8||8||9||9|
1 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 1
Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear:
KIM PINE (V.O.)
Scott Pilgrim is dating a high
2 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ KITCHEN - DAY 2
Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table.
STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.
Really? Is she hot?
KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper.
How old are you now, Scott? Like
I’m not playing your little games.
So you’ve been out of high school
for like, 13 years and-
I’m twenty-two. Twenty-two!
And you’re dating a high school
girl? Not bad, not bad.
YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts.
Like, did you guys ’do it’ yet?
SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an
unruly yet adorable mop of hair.
We have done many things. We ride
the bus. We have meaningful
conversations about how yearbook
club went and about her friends
and, um...you know...drama.
Yeah, okay, have you even kissed
We almost held hands once, but then
she got embarrassed.
Well. Aren’t you pleased as punch?
So, what’s her name?
(pleased as punch)
Knives Chau. She’s Chinese.
(under his breath)
Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.
Wicked! How’d you meet her?
I believe I mentioned the bus?
Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story:
3 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 3
KNIVES CHAU, 17, cute and innocent with clothes to match,
sits next to her mother, MOTHER CHAU, 45, demanding.
You are seventeen year old! Time to
get interested in boy!
Knives DROPS her bag, books scattering everywhere.
You drop book.
Knives crouches down to pick up her books, grumbling.
Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM
holding her books. TEXT appears in an on-screen box:
"SCOTT PILGRIM, 22 YEARS OLD, RATING: AWESOME."
Stars appear in Knives’s eyes. Scott grins heroically.
Scott winks at Knives. Scott winks at the camera.
Back in the kitchen, everyone looks at Scott...
Is that seriously the end of the
Yes. It is.
Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS.
So when do we get to meet her?
Oh please. Let it be soon.
DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. Scott smiles broadly.
That’s for me.
5 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 5
An eager Knives stands outside. Scott opens the door a
You promise to be good?
Of course I’ll be good!
No, really. Please be good.
Am I normally not?
Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through.
Oh, hey. Knives, this is Stephen
Stills. He’s the talent.
STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives.
Is she gonna geek out on us?
She’ll just sit in the corner, man.
I mean, I want her to geek out on
She’ll geek. She geeks. She has the
capacity to geek.
Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.
6 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - DAY 6
Knives enters, looking around the rehearsal pad with awe:
Bare bulb, ratty rug, drums, guitar, bass, LAME BRAND amps.
Knives, that’s Kim. Lemme get your
Scott throws Knives’ coat on the floor. Knives waves.
Hi, sorry, what was your name?
KIM PINE (O.S.)
You play the drums?
REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset, sticks in her hands.
That is so awesome.
Knives, that’s Young Neil.
Hi. What do you play?
kind of a big question.
Knives stares blankly at Young Neil, who finally gets it.
Oh. I’m not in the band. I just
Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. Amps hum to life.
Let’s start with Launchpad McQuack.
That’s not the actual title of the-
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4!
Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK!
GUITAR AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR, SPELLING OUT OUR
SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space
seems to GROW with the music. Stephen Stills barks
Knives watches, jaw ajar. The song ends, feedback
You guys...are so...amazing.
7 EXT. BUS STOP - EVENING 7
Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.
I can’t even...Sex Bob-Omb.
The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills’ room.
She seems nice.
She seems awesome.
Scott, if your life had a face I
would punch it.
I mean, are you really happy or are
you really evil?
Like, do I have ulterior motives or
something? I’m offended, Kim.
Scott takes a breath, turns to Young Neil.
Neil, you were saying she seems
Yeah, she seems awesome.
Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny, one room apartment. He
turns to WALLACE WELLS, dark hair, arched eyebrow,
"WALLACE WELLS, ROOMMATE, 24 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: HE IS
Before you hear some dirty lies
from someone else, yes, I’m dating
a 17 year old.
Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he’s reading.
Is he cute?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Does this mean we have to stop
Do you see another bed in here?
TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in
the one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace, FUTON included.
Yeah. You’re totally my bitch
So. The whole seventeen year old
thing. Don’t tell too many people.
Hey, you know me.
I mean. Don’t tell my sister.
You know me.
Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside, starts texting.
Who are you texting?
RINGY RING. The phone goes. Scott picks up.
Seventeen years old? Scandal!
Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM, cute, peppy barista, gabbing
on her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. A sign behind her reads
’If you are using your cellphone, you will not be served’.
"STACEY PILGRIM, YOUNGER SISTER, 19, RATING: ’T’ FOR TEEN."
That’s not true. Who told you?
That gossipy bitch.
You know me.
Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless.
Wallace clicks off. Scott sinks into an armchair.
Who is this mysterious child you
Her name is Knives. Knives Chau.
A seventeen year old Chinese
schoolgirl? You’re ridiculous.
It’s a Catholic school too.
With the uniform and everything?
Yeah, the whole deal.
Oh my God, you haven’t-
No no no. We haven’t even held
hands. I think she hugged me once.
Um, Scott. Why are you doing this?
I don’t know...it’s just nice, you
know? It’s just...simple.
It’s been over a year since you got
dumped by she-who-will-not-be-
Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine,
looking into the HOT GIRL’S EYES on the back cover album
So, are you legitimately moving on,
or is this just you being insane?
Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles
next to a hot redhead in happier times.
Can I get back to you on that?
A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly...
Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.
Uniformed boys and girls pour out.
I do not want to be here. At all.
This school has boys too.
I hate you. Even I would think
twice about dating a seventeen year
Well, she’s only allowed out when
the sun is up, so I wouldn’t call
it dating, more like...
That doesn’t sound so good either.
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Knives skips to Scott. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers
Hey Knives, this is my cool gay
roommate, Wallace Wells. He’s gay.
Oh, hi! Do you want to know who in
my class is gay?
Yes. Does he wear glasses?
Wallace, you go now! Begone!
Wallace pulls Knives close. Whispers.
You’re too good for him. Run.
11 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 11
Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a
martial arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION).
They punch and kick in unison, side by side.
Did you know the original name of
Pac-man was Puck-man? You would
think it’s because Pac-Man looks
like a yellow hockey puck, but
actually it comes from the Japanese
phrase paku-paku which means to
flap ones mouth open and closed.
They changed it over here because
Puck-Man is too easy to vandalize.
You know, scratch out the P and
turn it into an F or whatever?
Knives flips over Scott’s back in a COMBO move.
The game ends. CONTINUE appears, counting down:
10...9...8... Scott looks at Knives. She digs for quarters.
Oh, I got it!
12 EXT. "PIZZA PIZZA" - DAY 12
Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint, slices in hand.
Tamara is into this Korean guy,
Bobby, but everyone thinks Bobby
has a crush on Mina.
I thought Derek and Tamara had a
mutual like-each-other thing going,
13 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 13
Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. Hangers click in time.
I don’t listen to much music. I
know a lot of kids who play piano
or whatever, but you guys ROCK.
I knew I personally rocked, but I
never suspected that we rocked as a
unit. Thank you, Knives.
14 INT. SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) - DAY 14
Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync.
I mean, you guys are gonna be HUGE.
Well, we’re already pretty big. But
it might be cool if cool people
wore our T-shirt.
Knives speaks to a female clerk, surly with tats and specs:
"JULIE, 22, STILLS’ GIRLFRIEND, RATING: WHAT IS HER
Excuse me, do you have anything by
’The Clash At Demonhead’?
Have you tried the section marked
’The Clash At Demonhead’?
Thank you, Julie.
Are you coming to my party Friday
or will you be busy babysitting?
Thank you, Julie.
You don’t want to listen to her.
And you definitely don’t want to
listen to them.
Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack.
Oh, I heart them so much.
I hearted them too until they
signed to a major label and the
singer turned into a total bitch
and ruined my life. But that’s just
Envy Adams is sooo cool. Do you
read her blog?
Sorry, you were saying about me?
Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk.
I mean, I’ve...I’ve never gone out
with someone so talented.
You go out with a lot of guys?
Yeah, so whatever, man!
I’ve never even kissed a guy.
Knives blushes and looks at the ground. Scott hugs her.
16 EXT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - DAY 16
Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace’s
So this is your secret lair? Can I
My secret lair is one of those ’no
girls allowed’ deals.
But do you want to see the house
where I grew up?
They literally walk across the street to a small house.
Here you go.
Wind blows. The light snowfall turns into sand...
17 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - HOTTEST DAY 17
...Scott wanders alone through a barren land. He falls to
his knees next to a lonely cactus.
Oh God...so...so alone.
A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands.
She wears fishnets, an army jacket, skirt and goggles. Her
pink hair is funky but cool. She is hotter than the desert
You’re not alone. You’re just
having some idiotic dream.
Does that mean we can make out? But
INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - ?
...SCOTT WAKES UP, sitting up in the FUTON.
Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott, rubbing his eyes.
What is it, Scott?
I had this totally weird dream.
What is it, Scott?
A scruffy, goateed guy wakes right between Scott and
"OTHER SCOTT, 22, WALLACE’S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY
Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me
But there was this girl...
Was this an Envy related dream?
We don’t use the E-word in this
No, it wasn’t her. It was somebody
Yay for that.
Other Scott goes back to sleep. Wallace rubs his eyes.
Speaking of new, weren’t you
supposed to take your fake high
school girlfriend to the library a
What? It’s like, six in the
Scott opens the bathroom door. Sunlight ignites the room.
Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the
library. He carries a stack of books for Knives.
Libraries remind me of grade
That must seem like a reeeeally
long time ago.
Uh. Let’s talk about something
The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott’s attention. He
freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM
skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.
Do you know that girl?
The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON.CA to
the librarian. Scott’s gaze follows the GIRL as she blades
out of the library. Pensive guitar underscores his
Scott continues to stare at the girl. Time slows to a
STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
19 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 19
Scott stands in the rehearsal room, head still in the
You only played one note for that
It was...uh...my hand slipped.
Is your girlfriend distracting you?
A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch.
I’ll... I’ll be quieter.
Let’s do that one again.
Sorry, what are we doing?
20 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT 20
I told you like fifty times!
Scott, Kim Pine, Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an
icy Toronto street. Scott’s head is still in the clouds.
We’re going to this party, retard.
Ugh. I thought you guys split.
We did. But, you know, there may be
some label guys there, so...
Aw, man. This is going to suck.
At least it will give us something
to complain about.
21 INT. JULIE’S HOUSE - NIGHT 21
A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded
house party. Both have red plastic cups in hand.
I’m going to go pee due to boredom.
Scott exits frame.
I have to pee.
Neil sips his drink.
Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek:
’COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)’
Hey Scott. Some party huh? You
gettin’ your drink on?
This is Coke Zero. I don’t drink.
You don’t drink? I remember you
getting ridiculously drunk off two
G&T’s one time and-
Comeau, you know everyone, right?
Do you know this one girl with hair
Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona.
Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone
said she was coming tonight
You got the hots for her? I hear
Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud...
Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his
plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA!
Aloof. Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to
Hey, what’s up?
Hey, you know Pacman?
I know of him.
Scott begins to babble.
Well you know Pac-Man was
originally Puckman but not because
Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck
and paku-paku-paku means flapping
your mouth and they changed it
because if you scratch out the "P"
and turn it into an "F"? You know?
Yeah that’s amazing.
Um...am I dreaming?
Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away.
I’ll leave you alone forever now.
23 "THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..." 23
Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks
around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude.
Ramona leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil.
SHE’S TOTALLY REAL!
JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau.
DUDE. What do you know about Ramona
All I know is she’s American.
But you should talk to Sandra and
"SANDRA AND MONIQUE, 24, TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS"
LADYDUDES! What do you know about
I think she has a boyfriend.
Some guy back in New York.
Doesn’t she have the most
I know. It’s so ’Ramona Quimby,
Aged 8’ and yet...Flowers.
The girls laugh. Scott does not.
Yeah. What else?
JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone
I heard she kicks all kind of ass.
She’s on another level.
She’s got men dying at her feet.
She’s got some battle scars.
Not to be entered into lightly.
We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in
front of Scott, arms crossed. Stephen Stills is with her.
What about Ramona Flowers?
You know her? Tell me. Now.
She just moved here. Got a job with
Amazon. Comes into my work.
Does she really?
Didn’t you say she just broke up
with someone, Jools?
Did she reeally?
That they had a huge fight or
Did they reeeally?
...yes. But I didn’t want Scott to
know that, Stephen.
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-
Scott, I forbid you from hitting on
Ramona. Even if you haven’t had a
real girlfriend in over a year-
Hey whoa, whoa. Scott’s mourning
period is officially over. He’s
totally dating a high schooler.
Dating a high schooler is the
She’s got a point.
I thought you guys broke up.
I don’t want you scaring off the
coolest girl at my party Scott. We
all know you’re a total lady killer
wannabe jerky jerk.
That’s garbage! Completely untrue.
That time with Lisa-
That time with Hollie-
Not what it looked like!
That time you dumped Kim for-
Hey, me and Kim are all good now.
SCOTT looks to KIM. We hear the sound of arctic winds.
Whatever, Ramona is out of your
league, let’s leave it at that. And
anyway, I’m not even sure she
really did have a big breakup. She
keeps mentioning some guy named
Yeah, I don’t know what it is about
that girl, she just-
Forget it Scott!!!
Scott lies on the futon, WIDE awake. Wallace storms in.
Guess who’s druuunk?
I guess Wallace.
You guess right.
Wallace flops onto the futon, landing next to Scott.
So, that girl. From my dream.
I saw her at the library...
Library...can I pretend we’re
talking about a guy?
So then I’m at this party, and hey!
There she is.
There he is.
I think she’s...
You think he’s...
I think she’s the girl of my
Mmm. Then you should break up with
your fake high school girlfriend.
I’ve never been so sure about
Then you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.
I’m not getting it, friend.
Wallace drifts off. RINGY RING! Scott answers. INTERCUT
with STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.
You’re thinking of juggling two
Well, you should break up with your
fake high school girlfriend.
Wait. Who told you?
He’s not even conscious!
Whatever. You of all people should
know how sucky it is to get cheated
Don’t you have a job to do?
You’re right. I should send out a
mass text about this. Bye.
Scott looks to Wallace, who is out cold, cellphone in hand.
Wallace, how do you do that?
HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room!
Wallace sits bolt upright. Scott sits at Wallace’s
Amazon.ca. What’s the website for
Awesome! I have to order something
"You’ve got mail!"
Dude! This thing claims I have
It’s amazing what they can do with
computers these days.
Dude! Now I’m reading it!
I’m so happy for you.
"Dear Mr. Pilgrim, It has come to
my attention that we will be
fighting soon. My name is Matthew
Patel, and I’m" blah blah "fair
warning" blah blah...hmm. This
is...this is...THIS IS...!!!
This is boring. Delete!
’CLICK.’ Scott walks to the front door. Moments pass.
Scott. Are you waiting for the
package you just ordered?
It’s the weekend. It won’t ship
until Monday at the earliest.
DINGY DONG. Scott JUMPS to his feet.
You were saying?
Scott opens the door. It’s KNIVES CHAU!
Knives smothers Scott.
Attack hug. That’s cute.
He plasters on his best fake smile.
Remember you were supposed to meet
me at the bus stop a half-hour ago?
How could I possibly forget?
Scott and Knives flip through the record bins, out of sync.
Yearbook club is getting SO boring.
I cannot believe the music they put
on while we work.
26 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 26
Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. Scott sits on a couch
next to the DO NOT SIT sign, still distracted.
Hannah broke up with Alan and now
she’s all into Derek...
27 EXT. PIZZA PIZZA - DAY 27
Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. Knives chows
down on a slice. Scott doesn’t eat, his thoughts elsewhere.
...but Tamara claims she has dibs
I tell ya’.
28 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 28
Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION, side by side.
Scott plays halfheartedly, his timing off.
Knives goes to flip over Scott, but he messes up. THE
MIRROR IMAGE of Scott’s videogame avatar appears on screen.
Uh oh, NegaNinja.
NEGANINJA - squares up against Scott’s avatar.
I can never get past that guy.
Scott has his little videogame head cut off. The
countdown comes up...10...9...8...
Do you want to keep going?
Scott takes a long look at Knives.
Um, I think...I think...
Scott takes a deep breath. This is never easy. 3...2...1...
29 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE - EVENING 29
Game on, everybody. Game. On.
An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. Scott tunes his
bass, alone by the window, staring out.
I got us a show.
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
OH MY GOSH WHEN?!
Knives BURSTS into frame. Scott winces.
Wednesday, The Rockit. And even
better? It’s the T.I.B.B.
The Toronto International Battle of
S’right. This guy at work was like
"Steve, do you know anyone in a
band?" and I was like ’I’m in a
band.’ and he was like ’You’re in a
band?’ and I was like ’Yeah I’m
totally in a band’ -
Great story, man.
Is there a prize or something?!
Only a record deal with G-man
You don’t know?
Indie Producer of the millennium?!
Stills gestures to Knives’ home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.
If we win...it won’t just be Knives
wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. It’ll
be the cool kids too.
Knives can barely contain herself. She grabs Scott.
I will do everything I can to get
out of study group and come.
We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom.
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, who are you battling?
STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Crash and the Boys.
YOUNG NEIL (O.S.)
That one band with Crash? And those
Yeah that’s the one.
I hate them!
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Oh my gosh, I hate them too!
STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
Yeah, they suck.
30 INT. STEPHEN STILLS’ HOUSE, BATHROOM - EVENING 30
Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. The PEE BAR above
his head slowly reduces. He stares at himself in the
Scott exits the bathroom, entering...
...a long, empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. Scott’s footsteps
echo as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on
it... RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door, skating past
Scott and down the hall, PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in
Scott runs after her, around a corner, down a row of
LOCKERS leading to...the outside of WALLACE’S APARTMENT???
32 INT. WALLACE’S APARTMENT - MORNING 32
Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front
door, THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as
she presses the doorbell. DINGY DONG...
Hi, um, I was thinking about asking
you out, but then I realized how
stupid that would be.
So do you wanna go out sometime?
Um, no, that’s okay. You just have
to sign for this alright?
I just woke up, and you were in my
dream. I dreamt you were delivering
me this package. Is that weird?
It’s not weird at all.
No, it’s just like, you’ve got this
really convenient subspace highway
running through your head that I
like to use. It’s like three miles
in fifteen seconds.
Oh yeah. I forgot you guys don’t
have that in Canada.
You don’t remember me do you? I met
you at the party the other day.
Were you the Pac-Man guy?
No. Not even. That was some total
ass. I was the other guy. You’re
Ramona Flowers right?
So, you’re like American?
Why, am I coming off as rude?
Not at all. Noooooo...
Scott stands in awe of Ramona. She gives him a pen.
You know...you need to sign for
this. Whatever this is?
It’s something really cool. You’d
You still have to sign.
But if I sign for it, you’ll leave.
Yeah. That’s how it works.
Okay well, can we just maybe just
hang out sometime? Get to know each
other? You’re the new kid on the
block, right? I’ve lived here
forever. I mean...there are reasons
for you to hang out with me?
You’re all over the place.
You are like...my dream girl.
I need to find a new route.
Either that or you need to start
hanging out with me.
You want me to hang out with you?
Um...you know...if that’s cool.
If I say yes, will you sign for
your damn package?
Scott finally signs on the dotted line. And throws the
package straight in the trash.
Done. So, yeah. Eight o’clock?
Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the
park. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them.
Why are you just standing there?
Dude, I’m totally waiting on you.
Sorry, I just assumed you were too
cool to be on time.
Well. You assumed wrong.
So what do you want to do? We could
get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip
through some records at Sonic Boom.
Oh, or there’s this awesome game
called Ninja Ninja Revolution at-
I’m not into simulated violence.
I’m cool with whatever you want to
This is good.
Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park.
This is good. So how’d you end up
Just needed to escape I guess.
I got this job here. And Gideon had
always said Toronto was one of the
great cities so...
Is Gideon...is he your boyfriend?
Was he your boyfriend?
Do you mind if we don’t get into
that right now?
It’s so not interesting to me.
They sit on some swings in the park.
So what about you? What do you do?
I’m between jobs.
Between what and what?
My last job is a long story filled
I know plenty of those.
Is that why you left New York?
Pretty much. It was time to head
somewhere a little more chilled.
Well, it’s certainly chilled here.
Uh, chilled as in cold.
I’m totally obsessed with you.
I didn’t mean to get you obsessed.
I just haven’t been obsessed with a
girl for a long time. It’s weird.
That’s probably because you sleep
with a guy.
I was guessing from your apartment,
but you totally do!
It’s... we’re just poor! We can’t
afford two beds! We’re not gay!
Actually... no... Wallace is pretty
Dude, relax. I believe you. You’re
too desperate to be gay.
I feel so stupid.
Aw... you’re probably not that
Laughing, Ramona hops off her swing.
I’m... mostly stupid.
Well, you’re definitely stupid if
you want to go out with me.
The snowfall gets heavier.
This is ridiculous. Isn’t it like
Yeah. I can barely see you. This
whole thing is an unmitigated
I think ’act of God’ is a pretty
decent excuse for a lousy date.
So this is a ’date’, eh?
Did I say ’date’? Slip of the
The snow gets heavier still. Ramona walks away.
Anyway, night’s not over yet. I
think there’s a thingy up here
A door? I... I... I can’t see you.
I’m blind. Help me.
A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness.
Ramona opens the door. Scott and Ramona fall into
Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona’s cozy, girl
friendly apartment. He watches as she slips out of her
What kind of tea do you want?
There’s more than one kind?
We have blueberry, raspberry,
ginseng, sleepytime, green tea,
green tea with lemon, green tea
with lemon and honey, liver
disaster, ginger with honey, ginger
without honey, vanilla almond,
white truffle, blueberry chamomile,
vanilla walnut, constant comment
and earl grey.
Did you make some of those up?
I think I’ll have sleepytime.
That sounds good to me.
Let me get you a blanket.
That would actually be awesome.
Ramona exits. After a moment alone, Scott ventures
He wanders towards a half open door. Pushing it open, he
finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt.
Dude! I’m changing.
Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK.
AAAH! Sorry, I’m just...cold!
Here, does this help?
That’s...very warm. What is that?
Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him.
They look into each others eyes...camera circles Scott and
Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session. Scott
imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky
bassline. Ramona breaks off, smiling. Scott is in heaven.
Were you..were you just going to
bring the blanket from your bed?
Maybe...maybe we should both get
under it...since we’re so cold.
Well...what about our tea?
I can...not have tea.
The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt
off, revealing black panties to complement black bra. Scott
takes his shirt off. They tumble onto the bed and make out.
I changed my mind.
Changed it to what? From what?
I don’t want to have sex with you,
Pilgrim. Not right now.
It’s not like I’m gonna send you
home in a snowstorm or anything.
You can sleep in my bed. And I
reserve the right to change my mind
about the sex later.
Ramona curls up next to Scott.
This is cool, just this. It’s been
like a really long time, and this
is...I think I needed this.
Whatever this is. So, thanks.
They exchange a smile. Then without warning we jump cut to
35 INT. RAMONA’S ROOM - MORNING 35
DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. Ramona is gone. An arrow points to
the empty spot in the bed next to him.
’RAMONA’ Another arrow point out that-
’SHE’S IN THE SHOWER’ Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a
towel. Scott relaxes.
I have to work.
You have to leave.
Ramona skates towards the front gate, Scott walking next to
her. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks.
Hey, can this not be a one night
stand? For one thing, I didn’t even
get any...that was a joke.
What did you have in mind?
Umm...oh, come to the first round
of this battle of the bands thing.
You have a band?
Yeah, we’re terrible. Please come.
Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow...(somehow)
Wait! Can I get your number?
SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop, right back next to
Scott. She hands him a note. ’RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665,
Wow, girl number.
Scott looks back up. Ramona is already skating far, far
See you at the show, Scott Pilgrim.
Oh, hey! It’s tonight...At The-
37 INT. THE ROCKIT - NIGHT 37
’THE ROCKIT, FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET’
Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of
young hipsters, reaching Scott at the bar. He stands with
Wallace and Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing
You totally came!
Yes. I did totally come.
Scott is so amazed at her presence, his social skills
Excuse my brother. He’s chronically
enfeebled. I’m Stacey.
And this is Wallace, his room-mate.
And this is my boyfriend Jimmy.
(staring at Jimmy)
And this is Knives, Scott’s-
Scott goes white. He didn’t even see Knives come in.
Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. He pushes her away. Knives
looks kinda sexy, wearing makeup and new clothes.
Do you like?
LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. Stacey stares at Scott. Knives
and Ramona stare at each other. Wallace stares at Jimmy.
Have. To. Go.
Scott scurries off. We hear feedback from a mic onstage.
This next band are from Brampton
and they are Crash And The Boys.
38 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 38
Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping
through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band.
This is a nightmare. Is this a
nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake
Once we’re on stage you’ll be fine.
We were just on stage. For sound
check. The sound guy hated us.
It’s just nerves! Pre-show jitters.
People love us. Right?
Scott sounds less than convincing. He looks up at Ramona
and Knives sitting with Wallace, Jimmy and Stacey in the
39 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 39
Crash and The Boys tune up. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy.
Jimmy. Do they rock or suck?
They...haven’t started playing yet.
That was a test, Jimmy. You passed.
Good evening. I am Crash, and these
are the Boys.
IS THAT GIRL A BOY, TOO?
TRASHA, 8 year old girl drummer, gives Wallace the finger.
40 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 40
Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. Kim glowers.
They have a girl drummer?
This is called "I am so sad. I am
so very very sad." And it goes a
little something like this.
Crash and the Boys play a whole song in .04 seconds.
Wallace yells from the balcony.
IT’S NOT A RACE, GUYS!
This song is for the guy who keeps
yelling from the balcony, and it’s
called "We Hate You, Please Die."
Sweet, I love this one!
Crash continues his rampage of musical hate.
42 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 42
These guys are good. Are these guys
Kim Pine scowls harder than ever.
These guys are good.
43 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 43
This is called "Last Song Kills
Audience". It’ll be our last song
tonight and your last song EVER...
Sound explodes from the stage. The audience are stunned.
44 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 44
Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band.
How are we supposed to follow this?
We’re not going to win, we’re not
gonna sign with G-Man and we’ll
never play opening night at the
GODDAMN IT SCOTT, WILL YOU STOP
JUST STANDING THERE, YOU’RE
FREAKING ME OUT!
45 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 45
As Crash And The Boys climax, Stacey turns to Ramona.
So, how do you know Scott?
He’s...um. He’s a friend.
Hard for me to keep track
sometimes. He has so many friends.
Ramona arches an eyebrow. Stacey turns to Knives and
So Knives, how did you meet Scott?
46 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 46
Scott looks up into the balcony, sees Stacey talking to
Knives. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the
We gotta play now and loud!
47 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 47
Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives’ story.
Well, I was on the bus with my Mom-
Knives freezes, staring at the stage.
Is that seriously the end of the
OH MY GOSH, they’re on!
ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic.
This next band is from Toronto
and...yeah. So give it up for
SEX BOB-OMB walk on. Wallace and Knives give the only
Scott nods vigorously.
WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. ONE, TWO...
ANGLE on Knives. She faints in the excitement.
Sex Bob-omb rock out, barely into the first verse when a
chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER
KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole, finger pointed at
Scott as he sails towards the stage!
MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a
lopsided fringe. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that
borders on flamboyant. He drags on a cigarette (blacked
Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew
Patel. Consider our fight...begun!
What did I do?
Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott.
What do I do?!
Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with
his left arm, then PUNCHES him across the floor with his
right. Patel LANDS like a cat, FLIPS his fringe and GLARES
Watch out! It’s that one guy!
Thank you, Wallace!
Patel RUNS at Scott. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and
sends him flying into the air. They land in THE PIT,
knocking hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting
You’re quite the opponent, Pilgrim.
Who the hell are you anyway?
The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters.
My name is Matthew Patel and I’m
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!
Ramona’s first evil ex-boyfriend!
All eyes WHIP up to Ramona...
Anyone need another drink?
Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Scott blocks. Patel
punches. Scott blocks, then holds his hand up for a time-
We’re fighting because of Ramona?
Didn’t you get my e-mail explaining
I skimmed it.
You will pay for your insolence!
Patel attacks, landing kicks and punches. Scott evades and
counter-attacks. Patel evades, then lands more punches.
Scott jump-spins away from danger. They pause, breathing
What’s up with his outfit?
Yeah! Is he a pirate?
Scott looks at Patel’s outfit.
Are you a pirate?
Pirates are in this year!
Patel attacks again. They exchange furious blows, until
Patel puts Scott in a choke hold. Scott looks up to Ramona.
You really went out with this guy?
Yeah, in the seventh grade.
The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the
balcony. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK.
It was football season and for some
reason, all the little jocks wanted
me. Matthew was the only non-white,
non-jock boy in school, probably in
the entire state, so we joined
forces and took ’em all out. We
were one hell of a team. Nothing
could beat Matthew’s mystical
powers. Nothing but pre-teen
capriciousness. We only kissed
once. After a week and a half, I
told him to hit the showers.
The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel.
Dude, wait...mystical powers?
Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona.
You’ll pay for this, Flowers!
Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG!
If you want to fight me, you’re not
the brightest. You won’t know
what’s hit you in the slightest.
Patel levitates into the air. Four hot girls in skirts with
fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him.
Me and my fireballs and my Demon
Hipster Chicks, I’m talking the
talk because I know I’m slick.
Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at
He flips back onto the stage, narrowly dodging the attack.
Fireball Girls! Take this sucker
The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. Scott
dodges. The house drum kit is trashed behind him.
Let us show him what we’re all
Scott hits the ground, dodging a third wave of fireballs.
They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings.
That doesn’t even rhyme.
Scott rolls across the stage, GRABS one of Kim’s CYMBALS
and throws it Captain America style. It hits Patel square
in the eyes. POOF, the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish.
This is impossible, how can it be?!
Scott leaps into the air. Patel opens his eyes just in time
to see Scott Pilgrim’s FIST racing towards his face.
Open your eyes. Maybe you’ll see.
K.O! Scott punches Patel. He explodes into COINS. They
clatter to the stage floor. Scott lands and picks them up.
Ramona makes her way out fast. Passes Stacey.
Well, it was great meeting you.
Tell your gay friends I said bye.
Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out.
WALLACE?! Not again!
Ramona passes Knives, who is being resuscitated by Tamara.
50 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 50
Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them.
Aw man. $2.40? That’s not even
enough for the bus home.
I’ll lend you the 30 cents.
Ramona yanks Scott away. The Promoter ambles back onstage.
Yeah...so like, Sex Bob-Omb wins.
51 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 51
Knives is now wide awake, clapping wildly from the balcony.
Her eyes scan the venue for Scott...but he is long gone.
52 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 52
A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.
What was all that all about?
Uh, I guess...
Ramona takes a breath. Looks deep into Scott’s eyes.
If we’re going to date, you may
have to defeat my seven evil ex’s.
You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?
Seven ex’s, yes.
So I have to fight-
-defeat your seven evil ex’s if
we’re going to continue to date.
So, what you’re saying is...
We are dating?
Uh, I guess.
Cool. Do you want to make out?
Scott kisses Ramona. The studio audience ’awwww’s.
A bleary Wallace fries bacon. Scott bursts through the
front door, a spring in his step. The studio audience
Well, someone got to second base
last night. And someone has a
second date tonight.
Someone’s lucky then.
You know when I say ’˜someone’, I
mean me, right? I got to second
base last night...maybe first and a
Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott.
Oh, hey, I’m inviting Ramona over
for dinner, so you can’t be here
tonight. I don’t want you gaying up
Okay, Scott. But in return I have
to issue an ultimatum.
One of your famous ultimatums?
It may live in infamy...You have to
break up with Knives. Today. Okay?
Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace’s bacon.
If you don’t do it, I’m going to
tell Ramona about Knives. I swear
to God, Scott.
At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom
and helps himself to coffee.
Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly.
I didn’t make up the gay rulebook.
If you have a problem with it, take
it up with Liberace’s Ghost.
You’re a monster.
Now put the bacon down and go do
your dirt while I watch the Lucas
Lee marathon on TBS Superstation.
Who’s Lucas Lee?
Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW
He was this pretty good skater and
now he’s this pretty good actor.
He’s filming a Winifred Hailey
movie in Toronto right now.
They make movies in Toronto?
Yes. I am stalking him later.
So, this Lucas Lee-
Lucas Lee is not important to you
right now! Get out.
You suck. Surprising no one.
Scott grumbles off. Wallace turns the television way up. We
see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller.
LUCAS LEE (ON TV)
Listen close and listen hard,
bucko. The next click is me hanging
up. The one after that...is me
pulling the trigger.
54 EXT. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET - DAY 54
A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone.
Oh, hey, Knives. Um, do you want
to, like, talk or whatever?
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like
a spring jacket? And a hoodie?
Scott checks what he’s wearing. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores.
KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
And a dorky hat?!
It’s not dorky! Why are you
A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass.
Oh. Uh...okay. Hi.
The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.
Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE
CLASH AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY
ADAMS posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow
I can’t believe they’re coming to
town. Will you take me to the show?
The SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder, pounding inside Scott’s head.
Oh, hey, I wanted to invite you
over for dinner.
Like, Chinese food?
Hmm. It’s not my favorite.
Yeah. Well, to meet my parents.
It’s my birthday dinner.
Uh...I think that’s a really bad
idea. Like, really, just so bad.
No, it’s okay. Why?
Well I mean, I’m too old for you!
No you’re not! My Dad is nine years
older than my Mom...
And...and...are you even allowed to
date outside your race or whatever?
I don’t care. I’m in...LOVE!
Knives is so smitten, the word actually appears onscreen.
Scott brushes it away. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop.
Um, listen...I was thinking we
should break up or whatever.
Yeah...um...it’s not going to work
Scott walks out, leaving Knives in the aisle.
Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Knives.
CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store, in shock.
ON THE BUS: Scott sighs, thinks of something happier...
CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading, her funky pink hair.
ON THE BUS: Scott smiles, a little happier.
57 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS’ BASEMENT 57
Sex Bob-Omb tune up. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.
Where’s Knives? Not coming tonight?
Oh. No. We broke up.
Young Neil PAUSES his DS. Kim and Stills share a look.
OH! Check it out, I learned the
bass line from Final Fantasy 2.
Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune.
Scott, you are the salt of the
Wait. I meant scum of the earth.
You...you broke up with Knives?
Yeah, but don’t worry, maybe you’ll
meet my new new girlfriend soon.
Kim mimes shooting herself. Stills unplugs Scott’s amp.
Okay! From here on out, no
GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at
practice, whether they’re old, new
or new-new. We were lucky to
survive that last round. This is
sudden death now. Okay?
That’s for me.
Scott opens the door to see Ramona, now sporting BLUE HAIR.
Yes. Like you said. Is it not cool?
Scott ushers her in, weirded out by this hair development.
You know your hair?
I know of it.
It’s all blue.
Yeah. I just dyed it. Are you going
to introduce me?
Oh yeah, this is Stephen Stills,
Young Neil, that’s... Kim.
Everyone mumbles back. Scott still stares at Ramona’s hair.
Is it weird not being pink anymore?
I change my hair every week and a
half, dude. Get used to it.
So...uh...how do you guys all know
High school, I guess?
What Neil said.
Believe it or not, I actually dated
Scott in high school.
Got any embarrassing stories?
Yeah. He’s an idiot.
Scott fake laughs. Starts ushering Ramona out again.
Okay. Cool. See you guys tomorrow.
Uh, what about rehearsal?
Neil knows my parts.
Ramona lounges, reading a magazine. A tense Scott hurries
around the kitchen area, preparing food as Wallace looks
Are you doing okay there?
Yeah, good. Good.
Ramona goes to the bathroom. Scott drops the act.
She changed her hair.
So? It looks nice blue.
I know, but she changed it without
even making a big deal about it.
She’s spontaneous. Impulsive.
Fickle. Oh my god, what do I do?
I can’t believe you were worried
about me gaying up the place.
Ramona returns. Wallace pulls on a jacket.
How’s dinner coming along?
Yeah, good. Good.
I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. I’m
heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my
Scott stops Wallace at the door, with a panicked whisper.
Will you man the hell up? You could
get to 2nd and a half base.
You think so?
Well, if you strike out in the next
hour, come find me at the Castle.
’If I strike out’?
Okay, ’when’. See you in sixty.
’15 MINUTES LATER’ Ramona and Scott eat on the floor,
picnic style. Scott has cooked garlic bread (and only
garlic bread) for dinner.
This is actually really good garlic
Garlic bread is my favorite food. I
could honestly eat it for every
meal. Or just all the time without
You’d get fat.
No. Why would I get fat?
Bread makes you fat.
Bread makes you FAT??
’15 MINUTES LATER’ A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his
So I wrote a song about you.
Yeah, it goes like this: Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ra-mona,
Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ooooh.
I can’t wait to hear it when it’s
’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott makes out with Ramona on the
Scott smiles as she runs her hands through his hair.
Your hair’s pretty shaggy.
OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON’T I?!?
Scott sits up like a shot. Ramona is taken aback.
Ha. No, sorry. It’s just that I
got... I got a bad haircut right
before me and my big ex broke up.
But it’s so long ago, I can barely
A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. Earl Jones deep.
Scott is acutely aware that his
last salon haircut took place
exactly 431 days ago, three hours
before his big breakup. He blames
this largely on the haircut and has
been cutting his own hair ever
Sounds like a bad time.
It was a mutual thing.
I mean, she told me it was mutual.
She dumped him. It was brutal.
What was her name?
She was Nat when I knew her. But
she stopped liking that name.
Then...she stopped liking me...
Your hair is cute. I like it long.
But it’d be cuter short! Wouldn’t
Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears, now wearing
his dorky SNOW HAT, hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps.
What? Why are you wearing that?
I thought we could go for a walk.
’15 MINUTES LATER’ Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY, long
handrail between them.
Tell me we didn’t come out here
just so you could cover your hair
with that hat.
Nooo. I just love me some walking.
Putting one leg in front of the
You seem a little...heightened.
Yeah. I don’t know. I just, when
I’m with you I feel like I’m on
drugs. Not that I do drugs, unless
you do, in which case I do drugs
all the time, every drug, but...you
make me feel...I don’t know. Things
seem a little brighter around you
Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and
NIGHT TURNS TO DAY, as if crossing a magical line.
What is this place?
A totally awesome castle. They’re
shooting this movie up here.
Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA, a castle
surrounded by big, bright movie set lights.
Who’s in it?
Winifred Hailey and some actor guy.
I forget. Let’s find out.
A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by
some GOON. A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man.
Scott and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS, including
Did you find the guy you’re
I think I’m about to right now.
Mr. Lee is travelling!
The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he
exits his trailer, smoking a cigarette (blacked out). He
skates towards the set, doing kickflips. The spectators go
I want to have his adopted babies.
Oh, man. We gotta go.
I used to date that clown.
Wallace. I am not a slut.
I can think of no higher accolade.
Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode.
Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON.
Hey. The only thing keeping me and
her apart is the two minutes it’s
gonna take to kick your ass.
...you dated a FAMOUS guy?!
In 9th grade. We had drama.
Actually, it might have been math.
I just remember there being lots of
Lucas Lee points at Scott, who remains oblivious.
He just followed me around. He was
a little snot nosed brat.
He had snot? In his nose? But he’s
It’s not a big deal. I only dated
him for a week and a half-
I’m talking to you Scott Pilgrim!
Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott, who gasps.
He’s famous and he talked to me!
The only thing keeping me and her
apart is the two minutes it’s gonna
take to kick your ass!
Can I get-
POW! Lucas Lee punches Scott, flooring him. Scott comes
back up with a pen and paper, wobbly.
Can I get your autograph?
POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He nods to Ramona.
Sup. How’s life? He seems nice.
Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret, crumbling
it. Scott CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set.
Lucas holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo, then
stomps over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground.
Scott. Evil ex. Fight.
Think you stand a chance against an
Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He slides across the wet-
down ground. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas’ knuckles with
Some competish you are.
Lucas Lee wanders off. Scott staggers to his feet, punchy.
Hey... hey... hey! I’m not done-
Scott spins Lucas around, only to find an identical STAND
LUCAS LEE (O.S.)
Looks like you’re seeing double.
Scott turns to see the real Lucas, smirking on the
sidelines. POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the
He’s good, right? Sometimes I let
him do wide shots if I feel like
getting blazed back in my winnie.
Scott stands to fight the double. Suddenly, COUNTLESS
STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN, all identically
dressed, all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble.
I’m nothing without my stunt team.
The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl. Scott
PUNCHES through a couple of the boards, Tae Kwon Doe style.
Ask them how it feels to always get
his sloppy seconds!
How does it feel to-
KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face, followed by a
barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and
I’m gonna get coffee. You homies
We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. We hear
the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to
Lucas turns, shocked to see Scott, in front of a PAINTED 2-
D SKYLINE BACKDROP, surrounded by many unconscious
You’re needed back on set.
Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK. Lucas
GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop. RRRIP!
Scott lands in a CRUMP, framed through the torn skyline.
Lucas stomps over to him, preparing for the deathblow.
Prepare... prepare to feel the
wrath of the League of Evil Exes!
The League of Evil Axes?
You really don’t know about the
Seven evil exes? Coming to kill
you? Controlling the future of
Ramona’s love life?
Oh, well then don’t worry about it.
Yeah, bro. Let’s get a beer.
Lucas offers a hand. Scott goes to shake it. POW! Lucas
gets him square in the mouth. Scott smiles through his
You are a pretty good actor.
I’m going for the Oscar this year.
But are you a pretty good skater?
I’m more than pretty good, ese. I
have my own skate company.
Lucas pulls down his shirt, revealing a skate company
So you can sell them, but can you
do a thingy on that rail?
Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs.
It’s called a grind, bro.
So can you do a grind thingy now?
Are you serious? There’s like 200
steps and the rails are garbage.
Hey, if it’s too hardcore...
You really think you can goad me
into doing a trick like that?
There’s girls watching.
Somebody get me my board.
Wallace taps Lucas’ shoulder and hands him his skateboard.
Hi. Big fan.
Why wouldn’t you be?
CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT, a perfect ollie onto the rail.
Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight,
sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL...HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS... Cut
back to Scott & Wallace, impressed at Lucas.
Cut back to Scott & Wallace, very impressed at Lucas.
Cut back to Scott & Wallace. Scott’s about to say ’wow’
when- BOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the
Wow, he totally bailed.
Fist bump. Scott smacks his forehead.
I didn’t get his autograph.
Uh...that’s a wrap everybody.
Where’s Ramona? Is she still here?
No, she totally bailed.
What’s the deal? Seriously.
Scott slumps on the couch, phone pressed to his ear.
Wallace cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). We hear the
OUTGOING MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging
system. RAMONA is not available, please record your message
after the beep.
Hey. It’s me, Scott again. Call me
back. Scott Pilgrim.
What’s the deal? Seriously.
Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it.
Yeah, you said that last night.
You know what really sucks though?
Come on guy, you can’t say you
didn’t see this coming. It was
right under your nose.
Wallace points to t