EXT. IN THE CLOUDS - SUBURBIA - PRE-DAWN
We are in the midst of dark, swirling clouds. The CREDITS ROLL
as we pass through the cloud bank and hover over an upper middle-
class suburban neighbourhood. The tips of the clouds merge with
smoke emanating from the window of one of the houses. We
continue to fall through the window into a smoke-filled bedroom.
INT. JUSTIN'S HOUSE - PRE-DAWN
Standing in one corner of the dark, swirling smoke-filled room
is JUSTIN STERN, age 13 1/2. Justin, wearing his pyjamas, is
holding a MAGIC WAND.
JUSTIN
I'm warning you. I have the power.
Justin holds up the wand. Lightning flashes, briefly
illuminating the room. There is no one else there. Thunder
rattles the house. Justin cocks his head to one side, as if
possessed.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
(deep voice)
You have no power. The wand is useless in
your hands. Give it to me.
JUSTIN
(as himself)
Stand back or I'll...I'll...
POSSESSED JUSTIN
You'll what, little man?
JUSTIN
I'll unleash devastation.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
I thrive on devastation. Try it.
JUSTIN
(moves to edge of bed, raises
hands)
Behold, the powers of Justin.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
The powers of Justin? Give me a break.
Couldn't you come up with a better line
than that?
Justin steps up on the bed and raises the wand over his head.
JUSTIN
You asked for it, I've got it.
(screaming, bringing the wand
down and pointing it)
Ahye-ya.
Nothing happens. The smoke continues to swirl.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Way to go, little dick-head. I'm still
here. Now it's my turn.
Justin's hand flies from his side and points straight out. Right
at that time a bolt of lightning bursts through the window
immediately followed by loud thunder, knocking Justin off his
feet. As Justin falls we quickly cut to:
Genres:
["Fantasy","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
2 -
Morning Fall
INT. JUSTIN'S BEDROOM - DAWN
Justin tumbles out of his bed, blankets and all, and lands hard
on the floor. One of his arms is still pointing out. The door to
his now smokeless room bursts open and in runs JEFF STERN,
Justin's father.
JUSTIN
Ooo...
JEFF
Justin, are you okay?
JUSTIN
I...I couldn't stop him.
JEFF
Stop who?
JUSTIN
My wand...
JEFF
Again?
Justin looks around confusedly, trying to untangle himself from
his blankets.
JUSTIN
He was going to...
JEFF
You're going to have to stop stuffing
your face before bedtime. This is the
second time this week you've fallen out
of your bed.
(helps him up)
Is everything okay at school?
JUSTIN
Yeah, sure.
JEFF
(grabbing Justin's shoulder and
looking him in the eye)
I'm not going to be called in again
(MORE)
JEFF (cont'd)
because you punched someone else out, am
I? What was his name?
JUSTIN
You mean Dexter?
JEFF
That's the one.
JUSTIN
He's a foot taller than me and he says
that I gave him a black eye. Geez, I can
barely reach his kneecap.
JEFF
(at the door)
One day you'll tower over him, then
you'll have him shaking in his shoes.
JUSTIN
Doubtful. He's even taller than you.
JEFF
(looks over at a family photo
on wall)
Yeah, well maybe you'll take after your
mom's side of the family.
(as he leaves the room)
Breakfast in ten, so speed it up.
Justin picks his bedding off the floor. He finds his wand next
to the bed. Just as he touches it, his hand shoots up, pointing
the wand skyward.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
It's not over yet, little one.
JUSTIN
Ah, piss off.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Family","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
3 -
Cereal, Current Events, and Coin Tricks
INT. JUSTIN'S HOUSE: KITCHEN - DAY
Sun streams into the kitchen as we hear the sound of Justin's
feet running and pounding down the stairs. The kitchen is a
horrible mess. The counter is covered with the remains of a
variety of breakfast ingredients. Cupboards are open, as is the
fridge.
Sitting at the breakfast table is EMILY, Justin's seven year-old
sister. In front of her are three bowls of cereal. She is
alternating spoonfuls from the bowls.
JEFF (O.S.)
Fix your sister some breakfast. I'm
running late.
JUSTIN (O.S.)
Sure thing, dad.
The kitchen door swings open and in rushes Justin, dressed for
school. As he talks he is in constant motion. He starts by
simultaneously closing cereal boxes, kicking the fridge closed
and dragging over a stool to stand on.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
(surveying the mess)
Nice work, sis. I can't wait to see what
you do tonight.
EMILY
Why, what are we having for dinner?
JUSTIN
What do I look like, a restaurant?
EMILY
Can I choose dinner?
JUSTIN
You want choices, I'll give you
choices...like Pizza Hut, Pizza Pizza,
Pizza Uno, Dominos Pizza...
EMILY
I don't want pizza.
JUSTIN
McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's..
EMILY
I don't want burgers. I'm afraid of e-
coli.
JUSTIN
I'll get dad to barbecue. The way he
cooks, nothing survives. Not even the
taste.
Justin starts to pile dishes in the sink, stuffs garbage in the
bin, and drags his arm across the counter to pile up crumbs,
etc. Just as his arm reaches the end of the counter his foot
kicks the trash can to the edge and the debris sails smoothly
into it.
EMILY
I need something for Current Events.
JUSTIN
Again? I helped you yesterday.
EMILY
We have Current Events every day. Weren't
you ever in grade one?
JUSTIN
Back in my day, we had it once a week.
EMILY
"Back in my day." You sound like dad.
Geez, give a kid a Bar Mitzvah and it
goes to his head. So, are you going to
help me?
JUSTIN
(bringing his breakfast to the
table)
Let's see what's in the headlines.
EMILY
Make it good.
Justin pulls his cellphone out.
JUSTIN
(scrolling)
Ah...ah...Oh, here's one. "Dog saves
drowning man."
EMILY
I did one of those.
JUSTIN
How about "Zoo gets a new elephant."
EMILY
Anything on TMZ? Liveleak?
JUSTIN
Huh?
EMILY
I need something crazy like that.
JUSTIN
(fiddles with phone)
Why didn't you say so.
(more scrolling)
Here's one. "Woman gives birth to twins
from two fathers."
EMILY
That's nothing. Billy Pollock's mom had
triplets and he doesn't even have a
father.
JUSTIN
Never mind...Okay, try this. "I'm a woman
trapped in a man's body."
EMILY
(starts to write it down)
I like that, but, how'd she get in there?
JUSTIN
She's not in there, really. Well, she is,
but she's not, she's...
EMILY
Then where is she?
JUSTIN
Stick to the dog story.
Jeff enters the kitchen.
JEFF
Thanks, Justin, for getting Emily ready.
EMILY
I did it all myself.
JEFF
Really? And the place is spotless. What a
girl. Just like your mommy.
EMILY
I wish she was here.
JEFF
We all do.
EMILY
I wish she was here tonight.
JEFF
Why tonight?
JUSTIN
I told her you were cooking dinner.
EMILY
Justin gave me a Current Event.
JEFF
Let's see here.
(takes Emily's notebook)
"I'm a woman trapped in..." I don't think
so.
EMILY
I like it.
JEFF
(to Justin)
She's only in grade one.
JUSTIN
Times have changed, dad. It's reality in
school today.
JEFF
Yeah, well...I don't know...
EMILY
I still don't know why a girl would want
to be in a boy's body. They're
disgusting.
JUSTIN
Well, you see, the guy...
JEFF
Some things aren't as they appear
like...like a magic trick.
(elbows Justin)
Isn't that right, Justin?
JUSTIN
Uh...uh, yeah, like when I take
this...this
(reaches in pocket)
quarter. One second it's here, the next
(a slick hand movement)
and it's gone. And then
(reaches for Emily's ear)
I find it in your e...
(the coin drops out of his
closed hand, plopping into her
cereal)
Crap.
JEFF
Justin.
JUSTIN
You'd think after a couple of thousand
times I could do it in my sleep.
JEFF
Practice.
Emily and Justin get up to leave.
JEFF (cont'd)
(to Emily)
Make sure you go straight to Mrs.
Burnstein's after school.
EMILY
Isn't there somewhere else to go? I don't
like her. She has balls.
JEFF
Excuse me?
JUSTIN
Another for the internet.
EMILY
To keep the moths away. It stinks there.
JEFF
For now, it's Mrs. Burnstein for you.
EMILY
Yuck.
JEFF
And Justin, please remember to pick up
Emily on your way home.
JUSTIN
(to Emily)
Just go outside a half hour early to air
out.
Genres:
["Comedy","Family"]
Ratings
Scene
4 -
Hallway Showdown
INT. FOREST HILL JUNIOR HIGH: LOCKERS - DAY
Justin is unloading his backpack into his locker. At the next
locker is his best friend, ANDREW BERG, similar in size to
Justin. Across the hall is CINDI GOLDBERG, who has a major crush
on Justin.
ANDREW
I'm going to flunk this history test.
JUSTIN
Didn't you study for it?
ANDREW
Yeah, but so what? I don't know what it
is, but when it comes to history...
(hits his head)
no one's home.
(nods towards classroom door)
Maybe it's Mrs. Crenshaw. She's so old
and scary it throws me off.
JUSTIN
I heard she slept with Lincoln.
ANDREW
More like Columbus...Oh-oh, don't look
now but Godzilla is coming.
Mean DEXTER MANLY, much bigger than Justin and Andrew -- always
looking hungry and ready to throw his ample weight around -- is
marching up to the boys from behind Justin. Cindi looks on.
JUSTIN
Great. Highlight of my day.
ANDREW
He's such a...Why Dexter, lovely day,
isn't it?
DEXTER
Cut the crap, Berg. Where's my money?
ANDREW
Ah, what money would that be?
DEXTER
The money I need to buy me lunch.
JUSTIN
He'd have to mortgage his parents' house
to pay for a meal for you.
Dexter swings around and faces Justin.
DEXTER
Little Justin Stern and his big mouth.
JUSTIN
Big Dexter Manly, and his little...
Justin motions with his head towards Dexter's crotch.
CINDI
(coming over)
Why don't you pick on someone your own
size?
DEXTER
Shut-up, Li'l Miss Muffet. I wasn't...
JUSTIN
Leave her alone.
DEXTER
Gonna make me?
ANDREW
Sure he will.
DEXTER
You will?
JUSTIN
I will?...
(looks at Cindi, who smiles at
him)
Yeah, I will...I think.
DEXTER
Well, don't think too hard, little
pisher, 'cause I wouldn't.
CINDI
You mean, you couldn't.
DEXTER
Watch your...
The bell rings for class.
DEXTER (cont'd)
I'm looking for you. All of you. Just
like Santa, I've got somethin' for ya.
JUSTIN
You'd probably just get stuck in my
chimney.
Dexter goes to grab Justin. The classroom door starts to open.
DEXTER
Why I'll...
Cindi smacks her books into Dexter's groin. He lets out a loud
groan. Just as he doubles over, old MRS. CRENSHAW appears at the
door. She looks worse than the guys described. Cindi is all
smiles for her, as are the boys. Dexter just groans.
CINDI
Morning Mrs. Crenshaw.
MRS. CRENSHAW
Do we have a commotion out here?
JUSTIN
Dexter isn't feeling well. Probably
nervous before the test.
Dexter grimaces.
MRS. CRENSHAW
(pulling him into class)
Don't worry about the test, Dexter. I'm
sure you'll be up to your usual low
standards.
The door slams shut. Immediately we see:
Genres:
["Comedy","Teen Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
5 -
The Gerbil and the Grief
INT. FOREST HILL JUNIOR HIGH - DAY (ONE HOUR LATER)
As the bell rings the door to Mrs. Crenshaw's class opens and
the students start rolling out.
MRS. CRENSHAW
(in background)
And don't forget, tomorrow we start on
the history of...
(fades out)
ANDREW
Am I glad that's over. One less test to
flunk.
Dexter exits the class and comes right up to the group.
DEXTER
Okay, break it up. There's a school rule
about too many pencilnecks in one place.
CINDI
I saw you cheat. You copied off Andy's
paper.
DEXTER
So, what about it?
ANDREW
It was my pleasure.
DEXTER
It better be.
ANDREW
Now I'll have company when I'm back in
there next year.
JUSTIN
You two make quite an attractive couple.
DEXTER
Listen, you little fu...
Mrs. Crenshaw sticks her head out the classroom door.
MRS. CRENSHAW
Oh Dexter? Could I see you in here?
Dexter glares at Justin and then goes back into the classroom.
CINDI
(to Justin)
What a goof...So, how are things going?
JUSTIN
They went.
CINDI
Anytime you want to talk, Justin, you
know, you can call me.
JUSTIN
I appreciate it but, well, talking isn't
going to bring my mom back.
CINDI
Well, I know how hard it is. I lost my
first dad when I was six. I cried and
cried. I never thought I'd smile again.
It just takes time.
ANDREW
Yeah, me too.
JUSTIN
You?
ANDREW
When Uncle Squiggy died.
CINDI
You were close to your Uncle...Squidgy?
ANDREW
Squiggy...
JUSTIN
It was his gerbil.
ANDREW
But I loved him.
JUSTIN
His mother sucked him up with a vacuum
cleaner.
CINDI
Poor thing.
ANDREW
Thanks.
CINDI
I meant the gerbil.
ANDREW
It was tough, though.
CINDI
You survived.
JUSTIN
Sure. His dad bought him a new one.
ANDREW
Well, it wasn't exactly the same.
JUSTIN
(morosely)
At least you could buy another.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
6 -
The Magician's Mindset
INT. DEN OF MAGIC MAGIC SHOP - DAY
Close-up of hands amazingly shuffling cards. We pull back to see
it is HARRY PINSKY, the late-sixty-ish owner of the store. He is
not only a good magician and teacher, but also a hip and wise,
trusted advisor to Justin. Justin is enraptured.
JUSTIN
Man, I'll never do that.
HARRY
That's what I said when I was your age,
and look at me now.
JUSTIN
(takes a good look at Harry)
This is what I have to look forward to?
HARRY
Only if you're unlucky like me...Look, it
just takes practice.
JUSTIN
Practice I'm good at but, put me in front
of someone and everything gets all
fumbled up.
HARRY
You do well in school?
JUSTIN
Straight A's...well, except for Phys. Ed.
I think they pass me 'cause they feel
sorry for me.
HARRY
It's all in the mind. You have to let
your brain work, and then your hands will
follow. It's almost like being in a
trance. Don't think of yourself as just
"Justin" because then that's all that
you'll be -- not that there's anything
wrong with being Justin. Instead,
concentrate on the belief that you are
"Justin The Magnificent, Master
Magician".
JUSTIN
Too many "M's".
HARRY
Better than "Justin The Loser's Lousy
Legerdemain." M's sell, you know.
JUSTIN
(looking in the display cases)
Any new tricks come in?
HARRY
You don't want that stuff.
JUSTIN
I don't?
HARRY
Look, you want to pay me, I'm more than
happy to take your cash but, if you want
to really learn, then all the money in
(MORE)
HARRY (cont'd)
the world won't help you.
(grabs a deck of cards; fans
them)
Here, pick any card you want.
(Justin does as asked)
Take the cards from me, put your card
back, and shuffle them until you're blue
in the face.
(Justin keeps shuffling; Harry
grabs the cards from him)
It was just an expression. Are you sure
the card is lost?
JUSTIN
I'd never find it.
HARRY
Today, no you wouldn't. But, wait until I
finish with you.
JUSTIN
Hope you plan to be around for another
fifty years.
HARRY
Fifty years from now the biggest trick
I'll be doing is trying to remember my
name...Speaking of remembering, you
remember the card you chose?
JUSTIN
I still remember.
HARRY
Good, 'cause another minute and I'll
forget what trick I was doing. Now, you
chose the card and shuffled it, right?
Right. Name your card.
JUSTIN
Ah, three of spades.
HARRY
(slams cards on table)
Find it.
JUSTIN
(looking)
It's not here.
HARRY
I know. It's...
(reaches into Justin's shirt
pocket)
here.
JUSTIN
Holy shit...ooops, sorry.
HARRY
Not bad, for an old fart.
JUSTIN
I'll never do stuff like that.
HARRY
You will, or I'll retire.
JUSTIN
Like that's a good deal.
HARRY
Come back tomorrow and we'll start.
JUSTIN
Start what?
HARRY
Your magic lessons.
JUSTIN
Oh, geez, Harry, I can't afford...
HARRY
Did I mention money?
JUSTIN
I don't know.
HARRY
Be here, or never set foot in my shop
again.
JUSTIN
(starts for the door)
Harry...
HARRY
Say hi to your dad for me.
JUSTIN
Yeah, sure. And thanks.
Justin takes off running...and very happy.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Coming-of-age","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
7 -
Quarter Trick and a Groin Kick
EXT. CITY STREET - DUSK
Justin is walking Emily home. He is trying to roll a quarter in
his hand. Every so often it falls to the ground. Emily is
watching him. He drops it again.
EMILY
Maybe you should stick to card tricks.
JUSTIN
Sure, like I need fifty-one more things
for me to drop on the ground.
From some bushes across the street a dirtball sails through the
air hitting Justin.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Hey...
(looks around; wipes himself
off)
Is that you Andrew? 'Cause if it is,
you'll be eating the next dirtball.
This time a dirtball comes from his side of the street. It hits
Justin on the leg. He looks all around.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
I ain't kidding, Andrew.
Another dirtball, another hit, only this time it's Emily.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
(mad)
Okay, now I've had it. Who's the little
suck who...
From out of the bushes steps big ol' Dexter.
DEXTER
You were saying there, puke-face?
JUSTIN
Ah, I said...
(hands at his jacket's zipper)
It's a little stuck.
DEXTER
I could have sworn I heard something
else.
JUSTIN
N..no...
EMILY
He said you were a suck.
JUSTIN
Em...
DEXTER
Is that so?
EMILY
Hiding behind bushes. What are you afraid
of, Porky?
DEXTER
You got a big mouth there, Pipsqueak.
(steps towards Emily)
Maybe I should...
JUSTIN
(jumping between them)
Lay off of her, Manly.
DEXTER
Oh isn't this sweet. Mr. Midget is going
to protect his little girlfriend.
EMILY
I'm his sister.
DEXTER
Figures. Probably the only date you could
ever get.
JUSTIN
Yeah, well the only girls I see falling
at your feet are the ones you run into
'cause you're too fat to see them.
DEXTER
(grabs him and hoists him a
foot off the ground)
You have anything to say before I clobber
you?
JUSTIN
Uh, uh, yeah...Watch this.
Justin sticks his hand out, holding his ever-present quarter.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Keep your eyes on the quarter.
EMILY
Not a magic trick, Justin. Maybe you
should take up his offer to say a few
words.
DEXTER
Shut up, Tinkerbell. I want to see how
good a magician he really is.
EMILY
You're not the only one.
JUSTIN
Watch.
Justin slowly closes his fingers around the quarter. He turns
his closed fist away and then back. When he slowly opens his
fingers the quarter is gone.
DEXTER
Pretty cool, but not good enough. Now, if
you make it come back, I may spare you.
JUSTIN
No problem.
Again Justin closes his fingers, turns his wrist, turns it back,
and opens his fingers. This time, however, it doesn't work. The
quarter is still gone.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Shit.
DEXTER
Great magic, Stern. Well, at least you
got a few extra seconds of life out of
it.
Justin opens and closes his fist several times.
JUSTIN
I don't understand it. When I practiced
it, it worked...
All of a sudden the quarter falls to the ground. Dexter looks
down and starts to laugh.
DEXTER
(laughing)
Oh boy. Nothing up your sleeve. Beaut...
Justin takes advantage of Dexter's misdirection and kicks him in
the groin. Dexter lets him go as he clutches at his injuries.
JUSTIN
Come on, Emily, let's get out of here.
DEXTER
(painfully moaning)
Y...you're goin'...goin' to pay.
Emily starts to run, stops, goes back to Dexter...
JUSTIN
Hey, Emily...
...and takes the quarter from the ground. Dexter lunges for her.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Look out.
Emily dances out of his reach as Dexter falls to the ground
moaning...
DEXTER
Oooooohhhhhhh.
...and Emily gives him a swift boot in the groin, too.
EMILY
Now who's got a Pipsqueak?
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy","Coming-of-age"]
Ratings
Scene
8 -
Infomercial Madness and a Family Faux Pas
INT. JUSTIN'S HOUSE - FAMILY ROOM - NIGHT
Justin, Emily and Jeff, all sitting on the floor, are watching
television and eating their supper. Half empty Chinese food
cartons litter a coffee table in front of them. Justin is
flicking through stations.
JEFF
What happened with Current Events today,
Emily?
EMILY
I was boring.
JEFF
I don't think...
EMILY
I wasn't nearly as good as Jenny Axelrod.
JUSTIN
What did she do?
EMILY
She brought in her sister and told the
class that she was a Lebanese.
JEFF
Uh, I believe that's "lesbian" and I
don't think...
EMILY
No, she's really Lebanese. We already had
a lesbian last week.
JEFF
I think I'm going to have a talk with
your teacher.
EMILY
She's the lesbian.
JEFF
I...
JUSTIN
(pointing to TV)
Hey, check this out.
An infomercial for hair thickening fibres powder is playing.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
We should order some.
JEFF
For what?
Justin leans over and inspects his father's receding hairline.
JEFF (cont'd)
(pushing Justin aside)
Never mind.
Justin changes the channel. Another infomercial is on.
JUSTIN
(to Jeff)
How about this?
JEFF
(quickly)
Change.
An ab-something-or-other infomercial with the infamously
obnoxious Tony Little comes on.
EVERYONE
CHANGE.
EMILY
It's like a live Amazon.
JEFF
It's all junk. Once it arrives in the
mail you're always disappointed. You end
up using the garbage a few times and then
find that life is better off without it.
That's when you toss it in the basement
until the next garage sale.
JEFF (cont'd)
(grabs the remote away from
Justin)
There's got to be something other than
infomercials on.
Jeff flicks through the channels. Each channel is worse then the
last: war, murder, violence, sex.
JUSTIN
You were saying?
JEFF
Okay, what do you want to buy?
Justin and Emily shout out the names of different products:
EMILY
Dr. Ho's muscle relaxer.
JUSTIN
George Forman grill.
EMILY
Breast Cream.
JUSTIN
Flow...
Justin and Jeff look at Emily.
JEFF & JUSTIN
WHAT?
EMILY
Ah...er...I...
JEFF
Where's that zombie show?
JUSTIN
(changes channel)
Got it.
Genres:
["Comedy","Family","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
9 -
The Aces Fall
INT. JUSTIN'S ROOM - NIGHT
Justin is lightly tossing and turning in his sleep. He finally
settles in one position, is calm for a bit and then suddenly
sits straight up. He has trouble catching his breath, almost
hyperventilating. He turns on the light beside his bed.
Cautiously looking around, he realizes he was having some sort
of nightmare.
Leaning against the headboard, he picks up a deck of cards from
the night table and attempts some fancy shuffling. He removes
the four aces and, setting aside the rest of the deck, causes
the aces to vanish and reappear a few times, until they fall
from behind his hand and land on the floor. Justin shrugs, turns
out the light and starts to lie down again. Just before he hits
the pillow, though, he jumps up on the bed.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
It's about time.
JUSTIN
Huh?
POSSESSED JUSTIN
You and your stupid, pathetic tricks.
It's baby magic. You want real magic,
watch this.
The possessed Justin raises his hand and the four aces rise from
the floor. Suspended in mid-air over the bed, they flip end-over-
end, each time becoming a different card. After a few times they
form a fan and stay suspended in mid-air.
JUSTIN
Amateur night.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
(screaming)
Amateur. AMATEUR? Maybe you should be a
comedian and not a magician.
JUSTIN
You can't scare me.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Scare you? Why would I want to do that?
JUSTIN
Because you want what I have.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
And what would that be, little bed
wetter?
JUSTIN
The power.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
You keep yakking about this power thing.
Really, I have no idea what you're
talking about.
JUSTIN
How about this.
Justin sticks his hand straight out
JUSTIN(cont'd) (cont'd)
Ahye-ye.
Nothing happens.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
I'm waiting.
JUSTIN
Ahye-ye.
Again, nothing happens.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
What I want from you, you don't even know
of. But, hey, you want power, get a load
of this.
The possessed Justin physically splits from the "real" Justin,
spins around so that they are face to face, and then forcefully
spreads his arms downwards, palms open. Smoke starts to billow
upwards and there is a blinding light. We quickly CUT TO:
INT. JUSTIN'S ROOM - DAY
Justin bolts upright in bed. Sunlight is streaming through the
window, blinding him. As he shields his eyes he sees the four
aces suddenly fall from mid-air and land on his bed.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Drama","Mystery"]
Ratings
Scene
10 -
Ballgame Bound
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
Justin and Andrew are walking along a street bordering a field
with a baseball diamond. School is out for the day.
ANDREW
Come on. Don't wuss out.
JUSTIN
I'm not playing ball today. Besides, no
one will miss me.
ANDREW
Sure we will.
JUSTIN
Well, they'll just have to pick someone
else last for the team.
ANDREW
Like who?
JUSTIN
How about Joel Tartick? He's pretty bad.
ANDREW
Not as bad as you...Just kidding. Come
on, play.
JUSTIN
Sorry. Got things to do.
ANDREW
You can go to the magic store after the
game.
JUSTIN
But...
ANDREW
(grabs Justin's shirt)
There's plenty of time. Let's go.
Andrew starts to drag Justin up a path to the baseball diamond.
JUSTIN
I won't respect you in the morning.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
11 -
Picked Last
EXT. BASEBALL DIAMOND - DAY
The teams are being picked. TWO CAPTAINS stand at home plate,
most of their team assembled behind each. As names are called
the player goes to his respective team. There are only four kids
left, one of which is Justin.
CAPTAIN #2
Great selection here. I guess I'll take
Jason.
CAPTAIN #1
Man, this is difficult. I'll take...I'll
take...Uh, I'll...
ANDREW
This isn't brain surgery.
CAPTAIN #1
Okay, okay. Tartick...no, Stern. Yeah,
Stern.
Justin doesn't move.
ANDREW
Come on, Justin.
JUSTIN
M...m...me?
CAPTAIN #1
You know another Stern?
JUSTIN
There's still someone left. You want I
should call a doctor? Maybe you're coming
down with something.
CAPTAIN #1
Let's play.
JUSTIN
(to Captain; sarcastic)
Don't worry, Cap. I'll prove you made the
right choice.
We see a montage of shots of Justin playing ball. He is playing
his guts out. He dives for balls, slides into bases, and bats
the ball hard. He gets good and dirty.
The montage ends with Justin dusting himself off near the fence.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Man, I'm beat.
ANDREW
Better dig deep, Killer. We haven't
started the game yet.
JUSTIN
Now you tell me.
CAPTAIN #1
Okay, is everybody ready?
(looks around)
Let's start the game. Justin, you're up
first.
Justin goes to the plate.
PLAYER
Come on, Justin.
The pitch is thrown, Justin swings.
PLAYER/UMP
Strike one.
Second pitch, second swing.
PLAYER/UMP (cont'd)
Strike two.
The pitcher winds up, throws, and Justin swings.
PLAYER/UMP (cont'd)
Strike three. You're out.
JUSTIN
Shit.
CAPTAIN #1
Geez, you looked good in practice.
JUSTIN
I always look good in practice.
CAPTAIN #1
You're too nervous.
JUSTIN
I'm too uncoordinated.
CAPTAIN #1
That too.
Justin walks over to the bench, picks up his books, and starts
walking away. Andrew sees him and runs over.
ANDREW
You can't leave now. We're just starting.
JUSTIN
I thought I'd quit while I was at the top
of my game.
ANDREW
One more time. I'll tell them to easy-
pitch you.
JUSTIN
Oh, that made me feel better.
ANDREW
Sorry.
CAPTAIN #1 (O.S.)
Let's go, Berg, you're up.
JUSTIN
Look, I'll see you tomorrow.
ANDREW
I'll pick you up.
JUSTIN
Sure. Bye.
As Justin walks off he pulls his ever-present quarter out of his
pocket and practices rolling it on his knuckles. He can't do it.
As he tries again we cut directly to:
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy","Coming-of-age"]
Ratings
Scene
12 -
The Illusion of Belief
INT. MAGIC SHOP - DAY
Justin and Harry are sitting at a table in the centre of the
shop. Harry is rolling a quarter back and forth over his
knuckles. Justin tries but can't do it.
HARRY
You're too tense. Relax. Let it flow
gently, naturally.
JUSTIN
It is flowing naturally. I'm naturally
uncoordinated.
HARRY
That means nothing. So you're not the
greatest at sports, so you're not the
biggest kid on the block, so...
JUSTIN
Maybe instead of being here I should see
a shrink.
HARRY
Look at the great magicians. Thurston,
Houdini, Henning. Skinny little putzes,
just like you.
JUSTIN
Harry, you're losing it.
HARRY
I bet you they didn't know a hockey puck
from a hamburger but -- and this is a big
but -- they had what you have...I think.
JUSTIN
They did?
HARRY
You know what magic is? It's the illusion
of illusions. People know magicians don't
have any special power. They know that
what they are seeing is a trick, yet they
are stunned. They see it done before
their very eyes and they can't explain
it. In their eyes you did something that
they don't believe is physically
possible. But, before they can believe
you may have something, you have to
believe that you do. Are you
understanding this?
JUSTIN
Yeah. I think so.
HARRY
It comes from the inside. Actually,
everything comes from the inside....Ach,
this is getting too heavy. Go home and
practice.
JUSTIN
Yeah, like I have the time. Between
school, taking care of my sister...
The door to the store flies open and Andrew roars in.
ANDREW
Justin. Man, am I glad to find you. You
got to get to Taylor Field.
JUSTIN
(rising from seat)
What's going on?
ANDREW
The Russian is looking for Dexter.
Something about making moves on his
sister.
JUSTIN
Really? Russian will clobber him. He's
the only guy I know who failed grade
three more times than Dexter...Bye Harry.
Justin and Andrew bolt out the door. Through the window we see
them hop on their bikes and ride away.
HARRY
(to himself)
That's okay. Lesson's over for
today....Yeah, sure. You're
welcome...Don't mention it...
Genres:
["Fantasy","Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
13 -
Hiding in the Bushes
EXT. PATH TO TAYLOR FIELD - LATE AFTERNOON
Justin and Andrew are riding their bikes towards the field.
Justin suddenly stops and Andrew just avoids colliding with him.
JUSTIN
If they see us we'll become round two.
ANDREW
We can hide in the bushes over there.
DEXTER (O.S.)
AHHHHHHH.
Justin and Andrew take off for the bushes.
JUSTIN
We're late. It already started.
As they settle into the bushes, we see, from afar, the action on
the field. RUSSIAN has Dexter in a headlock. He is only slightly
bigger than Dexter, more on the weight side. The two of them
wrestle, neither one of them gaining the upper hand.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
You know what the funny thing is? I don't
care who wins.
ANDREW
Yeah. I hope they both lose...Look at
that.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
14 -
The Coin Trick Escape
EXT. TAYLOR FIELD - DAY (INTERCUT WITH JUSTIN AND ANDREW)
Dexter has Russian pinned to the ground.
DEXTER
Give up yet, little Ruskie?
RUSSIAN
You can't win.
DEXTER
(squeezing harder)
This ain't no massage I'm giving you.
RUSSIAN
Could have...oomph...fooled
me...unh...Stop. That tickles.
Dexter moves his knee to Russian's throat.
DEXTER
Say when.
RUSSIAN
When what?
DEXTER
You know...when.
ANDREW
We're dealing with two geniuses.
RUSSIAN
Uh...Okay, I give.
DEXTER
Ha. Child's play.
Dexter lets up a bit. Suddenly, Russian flips Dexter over and
produces a knife to his throat.
DEXTER (cont'd)
What the...
RUSSIAN
Stupid, stupid. Never underestimate a
Russian.
JUSTIN
Shit, a knife. Dexter is toast.
ANDREW
There'll be a school holiday tomorrow.
JUSTIN
It's not fair.
ANDREW
It's a fight. Who said fights are fair?
JUSTIN
(getting up)
I...I've got to do something.
ANDREW
(grabbing him)
Hold on, hero. Read the scorecard. Dexter
hates you and little Putin there hates
everyone, not to mention the fact that he
holds a nine inch blade of steel.
JUSTIN
(perplexed)
But...
(tears away from Andrew)
I've got to.
Justin breaks into the clearing and calls out to the wrestlers.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Hey, f...fat boy.
DEXTER
If I live I'm going to kill you, Stern.
RUSSIAN
(to Dexter)
You have many enemies, loser.
DEXTER
He's...
JUSTIN
I was talking to you, Import.
RUSSIAN
Should I be scared of you?
JUSTIN
No...I mean, yeah. Two of us, one of you.
DEXTER
What are you doing? Remember, it's me,
Dexter. I hate you, you hate me.
JUSTIN
(ignoring Dexter)
Can't hold two at once, even with a
knife.
RUSSIAN
Actually, I can.
ANDREW
(shouting)
Jus...
But he's too late. Justin is grabbed from behind by A BUDDY of
Russian.
RUSSIAN
I never travel alone. You never know who
one may meet. What do you have to say
about that, Shortstuff?
JUSTIN
I got something you may want to see.
RUSSIAN
Ah, a last request. Show me.
Justin slowly pulls his quarter from his pocket and holds it
out. His eyes meet Dexter's for a few seconds.
RUSSIAN (cont'd)
My, my. What a dangerous weapon. What are
you going to do, poke my belly-button
out?
JUSTIN
Watch this.
Just like before, Justin sticks his hand out, holding the
quarter.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Watch the magic. Keep your eyes on the
quarter.
RUSSIAN
Oh boy. A magic trick. Entertainment at
the massacre.
Justin slowly closes his fingers around the quarter. He turns
his closed fist away and then back. When he slowly opens his
fingers the quarter is gone.
RUSSIAN (cont'd)
Great. Wonderful. Let's finish them off.
JUSTIN
Wait.
Again Justin closes his fingers, turns his wrist, turns it back,
and opens his fingers. This time, as before, it doesn't work.
The quarter is still gone.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Damn.
DEXTER
Great magic, Stern. You blew it again.
RUSSIAN
Where'd it go?
Justin opens and closes his fist several times.
JUSTIN
I don't understand it. It still doesn't
work.
All of a sudden the quarter falls to the ground. Russian laughs.
RUSSIAN
Too bad this is your last performance.
Vegas was just around the corner...
Before Russian can laugh some more, both Justin and Dexter
spring to life and take care of their respective captors'
groins. Russian and his soldier are left to thrash on the
ground.
JUSTIN
(to Dexter)
You should take off before they can
stand.
DEXTER
Uh...yeah. Okay.
Justin heads over to the bushes to join Andrew.
DEXTER (cont'd)
(calling after Justin)
Hey.
JUSTIN
(turning to face Dexter)
Yeah?
They stare at each other, Dexter sizing Justin up.
DEXTER
Don't expect things to change.
JUSTIN
(turning away; to Andrew)
Why would I?
Genres:
["Fantasy","Coming-of-age","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
15 -
The Midnight Magic
INT. JUSTIN'S ROOM - NIGHT
Justin is sitting up in bed, trying to roll a quarter on his
knuckles. After a few unsuccessful attempts it falls to the
floor. He looks around, then focuses in on his clock. It is one
in the morning. Justin picks up some cards, attempts a shuffle
or two, and then, frustrated and unable to sleep, he takes his
laptop from his night table and opens it up. He finds Youtube
and starts to scroll through videos.
JUSTIN
Wait. What was that?
Justin scrolls back a few videos and opens one up. We see the
screen with Justin. On it is The Amazing DEVLIN, a casually well
dressed man. He looks every bit the L.A. agent-type, a real
smooth talker coated in Teflon. He is seated at a table, a deck
of cards and a few coins in front of him on a felt mat.
DEVLIN
You see, ladies and gentlemen, I'm not
talking about those tinker-toy sets for
little kids, with the sponge rabbits and
the dribble glass. I'm talking real
magic, magic that your friends have never
seen before. Haven't you always wanted to
do this?
Devlin starts to perform a series of manipulations on the mat
with the deck of cards. He spreads them, flips them, shuffles
them, all with unbelievable smoothness.
JUSTIN
Cool.
DEVLIN
You can have the dexterity of the masters
of magic. Imagine, the powers of all the
(MORE)
DEVLIN (cont'd)
greats, at your fingertips. All you have
to do is call now.
JUSTIN
(scrambling)
Where, where?
Justin finds a pen and paper and grabs his phone.
DEVLIN
Wouldn't this be fun at your next trip to
the bank?
Devlin places three silver dollars in one hand, closes both
fists, and opens them to show that they have jumped to the other
hand. He does it again, only this time he ends up with three in
each. One more time, and they all disappear.
DEVLIN (cont'd)
This is pure, unadulterated, magic. What
would you pay for this?
JUSTIN
Anything.
DEVLIN
Did I hear you say anything?
JUSTIN
Unh...
DEVLIN
What you wouldn't give to be able to do
this. Well, listen close because here's
the deal.
(Justin gets up close to the
screen)
You call right now and I'll give you the
secrets at a price that anyone can
afford. I promise. Interested?
JUSTIN
The number, the number. Give me the
number.
DEVLIN
1-866-555-2323. Call it.
Justin is writing and dialing at the same time. He can't wait.
DEVLIN (cont'd)
Oh yeah, I forgot to add that in no time
you'll be able to do even this.
Devlin produces a quarter from nowhere and continuously rolls it
back and forth over his knuckles.
DEVLIN (cont'd)
Like that, don't you? I'm waiting for
your call. Until next time, I'm Devlin.
Some music starts up as smoke fills the screen. As the video
changes to a stupid cat video, Justin turns down the volume.
JUSTIN
Hel...hello?...I'm calling about the
magic lessons offered on your Youtube
channel. I was wondering, how much are
they?...I don't understand. What's a
deferred payment plan?..Yeah. How
long?..Okay, thanks...Wait, don't you
want my address?...I did? I don't
remember. Thanks again. Bye.
An excited Justin shuts his laptop, places it on his night
table, and picks up a quarter from the table. He tries to roll
it but it gets stuck between his fingers. He tries again and
this time it effortlessly rolls across his knuckles. No one
could be more surprised than Justin. On its way back, though,
the quarter falls to the floor. With a large smile on his face,
Justin shuts off the light and instantly passes into dreamland.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Coming-of-age","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
16 -
The Morning Coin Trick
INT. JUSTIN'S HOUSE: NEAR THE FRONT DOOR - DAY
Jeff and Emily are putting on their coats, etc., as they depart
for work and school.
JEFF
Where's your brother?
EMILY
He was spending a lot of time in the
bathroom this morning.
JEFF
Doing what?
EMILY
How should I know. I still have trouble
understanding Euphoria.
JEFF
Let's keep it that way a little while
longer.
(pause)
Why don't you get him for me?
EMILY
(screaming upstairs)
JUSTIN.
JEFF
I could have done that myself.
We hear Justin running downstairs.
EMILY
That's what I was thinking.
Justin rushes to the front door, grabbing his coat and knapsack.
JUSTIN
(excited)
You gotta see this.
JEFF
Good morning to you, too.
JUSTIN
Yeah. Morning. Watch this.
Justin rolls a quarter back and forth across his knuckles.
EMILY
Cool.
JEFF
See. Just a little practice.
JUSTIN
Harry was right. Patience and desire.
JEFF
Listen, pal. That Harry guy, he...
JUSTIN
You think he's weird, huh?
JEFF
Weird? Well, it's not that, it's just...
JUSTIN
Okay, Harry's different but if he wasn't
he'd be an accountant. He's a magician
and a teacher and he's the only teacher
I've had that understands kids.
They head out the door.
Genres:
["Family","Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
17 -
The Devil's Contract
EXT. JUSTIN'S HOUSE: FRONT WALK - DAY
JEFF
Look, I know Harry's, uh, awesome...
EMILY
Cool.
JEFF
Okay, cool.
EMILY
No, "awesome's" okay. I thought it was
cool you using it.
JEFF
Nevermind. Just don't forget your
homework. See you two tonight.
JUSTIN
(getting on his bike, as is
Emily)
Oh yeah. There should be a package coming
for me in a few days. I ordered it last
night.
JEFF
What is it this time?
JUSTIN
A magic kit.
JEFF
And how...
JUSTIN
Don't worry. I'll pay for it with my
allowance.
JEFF
(getting in his car; starts it)
That's used up for the next three years.
JUSTIN
Okay, then I'll take it from the money
for baby-sitting Emily.
JEFF
I don't pay you for that.
EMILY
You do now.
Jeff puts the car in gear.
JEFF
(out the window)
What do you want for dinner tonight? I'm
cooking.
EMILY
Take out.
JEFF
Don't you like my cooking?
JUSTIN
I believe in school they taught us that
that's a rhetorical question.
JEFF
Too much knowledge is dangerous. See you
kids tonight.
Jeff drives off as the kids wave goodbye. Justin bends over to
adjust Emily's backpack, finishes, and rises up to take off.
Both Emily and Justin are startled to find Devlin standing in
front of them. He has a package under his arm.
JUSTIN
Hey...HEY, you're the guy from Youtube.
EMILY
What guy?
DEVLIN
My name is Devlin.
EMILY
You're on Youtube? How many followers do
you have?
DEVLIN
You'd be surprised how many I've picked
up over the years.
EMILY
I smell something funny...
JUSTIN
You deliver personally?
DEVLIN
Well, I was in the area and I thought,
well, why not make an anxious boy happy.
EMILY
He's a man. He had his Bar Mitzvah.
DEVLIN
Yes.
(looking him over)
And what a fine specimen of man.
JUSTIN
(pointing to the box)
Is that it?
DEVLIN
It sure is.
JUSTIN
Wow, let's see.
DEVLIN
I can't wait to show you however, first I
need you to sign for it.
JUSTIN
Oh yeah. Uh, well, I can't sign anything
because I don't have a credit card yet
(MORE)
JUSTIN (cont'd)
but, uh, wait right here and I'll get
some cash.
DEVLIN
(chuckling)
No need to go get money. Your signature
is fine.
JUSTIN
But...
(swats at arm)
Ouch. I thought mosquito season is over?
Devlin produces papers and a pen.
DEVLIN
Just a simple signature right here and
the secrets of magic are yours. For life.
Justin takes the finely printed contract and tries to read it.
JUSTIN
Geez. All this small writing and big
words. Maybe I should wait for my dad.
DEVLIN
(takes contract back)
You know, maybe you're right. I'll come
back when your dad's home.
JUSTIN
He'll be home around six o'clock. You can
come back tonight.
DEVLIN
You know, kid, I'd love to but, to tell
you the truth, the response has been
phenomenal and I only have a few kits
left. It'll probably be awhile before I
can get one to you.
JUSTIN
How long?
DEVLIN
At least, oh, a couple of months.
(turns to leave)
Anyway, thanks for calling. See you.
JUSTIN
Wait.
DEVLIN
Yes?
JUSTIN
Okay. I'll sign...You said it was a
deferred payment plan. What does that
mean?
DEVLIN
You've got a long time to pay for it.
As Justin signs we see that the ink is very red, kinda blood-
red.
JUSTIN
How long?
DEVLIN
Real long. It will seem like a lifetime.
JUSTIN
Good, because I don't want my dad to
scream too loud when he sees the bill.
DEVLIN
(handing Justin the box)
Your secret is safe with me.
Justin turns to Emily.
JUSTIN
Want to help me open it?
EMILY
Sure.
The two of them pull at the box, breaking it open. Inside there
is...
EMILY (cont'd)
You've been ripped off.
JUSTIN
There's nothing in it.
(turning)
Hey...What the...
EMILY
He's gone.
JUSTIN
Oh, man. Dad was right. This is a big
fraud. When he finds out, I'll never hear
the end of it.
EMILY
Thanks.
JUSTIN
For what?
EMILY
'cause I'm going to have to listen to it
too.
JUSTIN
(tossing the box into a
recycling bin)
Come on. We're going to be late for
school.
They ride off down the street.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
18 -
Pie and Prank
INT. FOREST HILL JUNIOR HIGH CAFETERIA - DAY
Justin and Cindi are eating lunch. A tray on the table still
holds two pieces of lemon meringue pie.
CINDI
You know what I love about the fall?
JUSTIN
The start of hockey season?
CINDI
Well, that was number two on my list.
JUSTIN
Really?
CINDI
Yeah, right.
JUSTIN
Didn't think so.
CINDI
It's the romance. The weather is made for
wonderful walks through the fallen
leaves, lounging by the fire...Meet me
tonight.
JUSTIN
Can't. I have to baby-sit my sis.
CINDI
I can help. I love Esther.
JUSTIN
Emily.
CINDI
Come on, Justin. You know we were meant
to be together.
JUSTIN
Talk to me when I'm out of college.
CINDI
Face it, J. You're stuck with me.
(pause)
It's because of your mom, you know.
JUSTIN
Excuse me?
CINDI
When I was born your mom sent my mom a
card that said she was happy I was a girl
'cause now she knew that you would be
taken care of. True story.
Justin stares off into the distance.
CINDI (cont'd)
Hey, Houdini. You alright?
JUSTIN
Sorry. Just thinking.
CINDI
Your mom, right? I shouldn't have said
anything.
JUSTIN
No, that's okay.
CINDI
You never talk about it.
JUSTIN
What's to say? You know what she was
like.
CINDI
She was perfect.
JUSTIN
Well...no one is perfect.
CINDI
Your mom was. You know, once she took me
shopping 'cause my mom -- with my dad
gone and everything -- had to work a lot
back then. Every eye in the store
followed her. I pretended she was my mom,
and I was so proud.
JUSTIN
You miss your dad?
CINDI
I barely knew him, he barely knew me.
There's not much to miss.
JUSTIN
I...
CINDI
That's okay. After my step-dad packed it
in I realized I was better off without a
father...You know what? That card I told
you about, the one from your mom? I still
hang onto it. I just wish I had had the
chance to thank her.
JUSTIN
(as sad as we'll ever see him)
Yeah. Me too.
There is a brief, quiet moment as Justin and Cindi each stare
off into the distance. Then, from out of nowhere, a box of
playing cards lands loudly on the table between them.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Hey...
DEXTER
It's showtime, Peckerpuss.
Dexter hovers over them. The rest of the students watch.
JUSTIN
Not now, Dexter.
DEXTER
(slamming his fist on the
table)
Who said you had a choice of times? Come
on. Do a trick and impress your
chick...Hey, ain't I poetic?
CINDI
Why don't you go to the zoo and hang out
with your relatives?
DEXTER
You're a feisty one, Cindi-rella. I like
'em tough, like me.
CINDI
Yeah, well I hear you have a soft spot
just below the belt.
DEXTER
Loverboy here talks too much. More talk
than action. You know what they say?
Those who can't do, teach.
JUSTIN
Yeah, and those who can't teach, teach
gym. Just like your dad.
Dexter grabs Justin by the scruff of his shirt and hauls him out
of his seat.
DEXTER
Let's go, Mr. Magic.
(out loud)
Ladies and little Forest Hill wussies. I
present to you today Little Justin
Copperfield. He's going to do a trick or
two for us. And if he doesn't...well,
that's between him and me, right pal?
Gather 'round.
(nobody moves)
I said, gather round.
Dexter hauls a few students, still seated in their chairs, over
to the table.
A STUDENT
Leave him alone, Manly.
ANOTHER STUDENT
Yeah, pick on someone your own size.
DEXTER
(in the face of one of the
protesters)
Maybe you and I should go play outside,
huh?
A STUDENT
Ah...
(to the cafeteria)
Let the show begin.
DEXTER
Exactly. Mr. Magic?
CINDI
(to Justin)
You don't have to do this.
JUSTIN
Let me get it over with. One trick is no
big deal.
Justin picks up the cards and starts to shuffle them. The more
he manipulates the cards, the more amazing he is, and no one is
more amazed then Justin.
DEXTER
Hey...
JUSTIN
Pick one, any one, and don't let me see
it.
(Dexter does)
Now, take this pen and sign your name on
(MORE)
JUSTIN (cont'd)
the card. If that's too difficult, just
put a big "x" on it.
DEXTER
You trying to be funny, punk?
CINDI
I didn't think you got that far in the
alphabet yet.
JUSTIN
Okay, Dexter. Take the card and shuffle
it into the deck...Good. I'm sure that
it's lost in there.
(takes cards back from Dexter)
Uh...uh, let's see.
Justin shuffles and flourishes some more.
DEXTER
Let's go, buddy. I haven't got all day.
JUSTIN
(about to panic)
Yeah...Sure. Ah...
(holds up a card)
Is this it?
DEXTER
You see my name on it?
JUSTIN
Oh yeah. Okay, how about this one?
DEXTER
No.
JUSTIN
This one?
DEXTER
I'm tiring quickly.
ANOTHER STUDENT
Only forty-nine more to go.
Justin keeps producing the wrong card, tossing them on the floor
as he goes for the next one. With half the deck gone he throws
them all on the floor.
JUSTIN
That's it. I'm out of cards.
DEXTER
Brilliant, just brilliant. So, where is
it?
JUSTIN
(points to his pie still
sitting on the tray)
Right in there.
DEXTER
In there?
JUSTIN
Yup. Can't you see it?
DEXTER
(bending down to look)
No.
JUSTIN
Look closer.
(Dexter bends more)
Get right up to it...that's it. You see
it.
DEXTER
(his nose is right on the pie)
No.
Justin shoves Dexter's face right in the pie. There is a
scattering of applause and laughter.
JUSTIN
Get some glasses, Lardass.
Dexter rises, pie covering his face and his signed card stuck to
his forehead. He's furious. Justin's amazed, and proud; the
trick worked. Before Dexter can clean up, though, Cindi shoves
her piece in his face as well. Immediately, pies, and other
assorted foods, are being tossed at Dexter.
With Justin and Cindi long out of the room:
DEXTER
I'll get you, you little wuss.
(turning to the room, wiping
his face)
Okay, who had the blueberry yogurt?
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
19 -
Aces and Kings
INT. FOREST HILL JUNIOR HIGH MATH CLASS - DAY
Justin's math teacher, MR. HENDERSON, is blabbering on about
probability as the class slumbers off. Justin and Andrew sit
near one another; Cindi is a few rows away; Dexter is in the far
corner, head towards the window, eyes glazed.
MR. HENDERSON
What defines probability?...Anybody?
No hands arise.
MR. HENDERSON (cont'd)
Okay, how about an example of
probability?
Again, no hands.
MR. HENDERSON (cont'd)
(looking at bowed heads)
Ah, how about Andrew?
ANDREW
I didn't have my hand up, sir.
MR. HENDERSON
Yes, I know, but I believe you had one
eye open, which is more than I can say
for the rest of the class...Now, Andrew,
an example.
ANDREW
Well, uh, let's see...it probably has
something to do with "probably"...that
is, that, uh, probably something will
happen.
MR. HENDERSON
Actually, Andrew, you're on to something.
Mr. Stern, would you like to continue?
JUSTIN
Well, for example...a deck of cards. If,
uh, I ask you to pick a card, which would
you probably choose?
MR. HENDERSON
Exactly. Your choice is random and
randomness is at the heart of
probability.
(goes to front of class)
I happen to have here a deck of cards. I
can ask someone
(holds out cards to first
student in row)
to pick a card and they have a choice of
fifty-two to pick from so they can...
Mr. Henderson fumbles the cards and they fall to the floor.
Justin gets up to help pick them up.
MR. HENDERSON (cont'd)
Hmmm. A bit of a random mess.
DEXTER
(pie, etc. still on his head)
Why not let Justin demonstrate? Mr.
Magic.
JUSTIN
No, I...
DEXTER
Justin, Justin...
The class joins in with the chant. Justin, embarrassed, puts his
hand up for them to stop.
JUSTIN
Come on, stop it...Okay, okay. Just one.
Justin starts to shuffle the cards and again his shuffling is
flawless.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Okay. Uh, here's one I've been working
on. No guarantees. The four aces are
scattered throughout the deck. I have no
way of knowing where they are. Now, it
would be very improbable that they are
right on top of the deck.
DEXTER
Impossible.
JUSTIN
Of course. See.
Justin turns over the first card. An ace, The second? An ace.
Third and fourth? Yup, also aces.
MR. HENDERSON
That's incredible, Justin. I'm amazed.
JUSTIN
(astonished)
Yeah, me too.
DEXTER
It's fixed.
CINDI
Can you do it, big mouth?
DEXTER
He can't do it again.
ANDREW
Sure he can.
JUSTIN
I can?
DEXTER
No way.
CINDI
I know he can.
JUSTIN
Well...Somebody else shuffle.
Dexter races out of his seat to the front of the room and grabs
the cards.
DEXTER
Let me mix them up.
Dexter attempts a shuffle that is pitiful. The class laughs. As
he fumbles through the cards, though, he very obviously pockets
the four aces.
CINDI
Hey, I saw that.
DEXTER
You saw nothing.
CINDI
You put the aces in your pocket.
DEXTER
Mind your own business, little teacher's
Petula.
(hands cards to Justin)
There. Now try it.
JUSTIN
Yeah, right.
DEXTER
Fraud.
JUSTIN
What about probability? You think I can
just turn over the top four cards again
and...
Justin turns them over and, sure enough, they are the aces.
DEXTER
Hey?
JUSTIN
Am I good, or what?
DEXTER
(reaching in his pocket)
But I took out...
The cards in Dexter's hands are four kings. Justin holds up the
four aces beside the kings.
JUSTIN
Beat ya.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
20 -
The Devil's Bargain
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
School is out for the day. Justin, Andrew, Cindi and Dexter -
yes, Dexter - are walking along a side-street. Nearby is a
parking lot leading to the rear of the Den of Magic.
JUSTIN
Look Dexter, I told you already. It's
magic.
DEXTER
Bullshit. How'd you do it?
JUSTIN
Years of practice.
ANDREW
Geez, Dexter, lay off of him.
DEXTER
Hey, Squirt, am I talking to you?
CINDI
Oh, can the tough talk, Dexter. We're all
sick of it.
DEXTER
Look, little...
CINDI
Little what, this time? Little
Cindirella, little Princess, little
Whatever? You don't scare me. You know
why you don't scare me? Because you only
push around the little people, the ones
you know you can beat up. You just wait
until you're older.
DEXTER
I'll still beat them.
ANDREW
Not me.
DEXTER
I will too.
JUSTIN
Shut-up, Drew. She's on a roll.
CINDI
One day, Dexter, when you're older,
you'll have to rely on your brain.
ANDREW
Told you I've got a chance.
CINDI
The brains, not the brawn, rule the
world.
DEXTER
(to Justin)
The aces were up your sleeve, right?
JUSTIN
Whatever.
DEXTER
Why won't you tell me?
JUSTIN
Two reasons. One, magicians never tell.
Two...I have no clue how I did it.
Anyway, what are you doing hanging around
us? Aren't you afraid it will tarnish
your image?
DEXTER
Ah...well...I just want to know.
CINDI
Face it. He's a great magician.
DEXTER
No he's not. I've seen his stuff before.
He stinks.
JUSTIN
I didn't hear you complain during my
performance for Russian?
CINDI
When was that?
DEXTER
Never mind.
ANDREW
Saved his life.
DEXTER
Did not.
JUSTIN
Dexter?
DEXTER
(reaches in his pocket; pulls
out a deck of cards)
Here. What else can you do?
JUSTIN
Not now. I...
DEXTER
Just one.
Justin takes the cards and begins to play around with them. As
in the classroom, he does amazing flourishes, etc.
ANDREW
Wow. You've really been practicing.
JUSTIN
Not really. This...this is all new to me.
DEXTER
(reaching to Justin)
Here, let me pick a card.
Before Justin can protest, Dexter has chosen one.
JUSTIN
I...
DEXTER
I'll put it back...
ANDREW
Aren't you going to show it to us first?
DEXTER
You don't trust me?
CINDI
That's an understatement.
DEXTER
What'd you call me?
CINDI
Just show it.
He does, then puts it back in the deck held out by Justin.
Justin does some more fancy shuffling.
JUSTIN
Now, would you agree that it's lost in
the deck?
DEXTER
Make it pop up.
JUSTIN
I can't.
DEXTER
I saw someone on TV do it.
JUSTIN
But...
All of a sudden, a card starts to rise from the deck held in
Justin's hand.
ANDREW
Holy...
DEXTER
(grabs the card that popped up)
Ok, Merlin, show me how you did it.
JUSTIN
I don't know. I just held the deck out
and...
(another pops up)
Man, I don't know what's happening.
One by one, all the cards rise within Justin's hand.
Justin sits down on the curb.
CINDI
Are you feeling okay?
JUSTIN
(staring at his hands)
I don't understand. It's like they have a
mind of their own. I can't explain it.
A voice comes from behind the group.
DEVLIN
I can.
The kids all turn around and see Devlin and his dark aura.
JUSTIN
Hey, it's him.
ANDREW
Who?
JUSTIN
(stands up)
You sold me an empty box.
DEVLIN
Empty? It was full when I gave it to you.
JUSTIN
I didn't see anything in it.
DEVLIN
Does that mean it was empty?
CINDI
(moving close to Justin)
Who is this guy? He gives me the creeps.
JUSTIN
I want my money back.
DEXTER
Did this guy rip you off? 'Cause if he
did, I'll fix him.
DEVLIN
(to Dexter)
I suggest you follow the young lady's
advice and use your brain, if there's
anything there.
JUSTIN
You're a fraud.
DEVLIN
Am I? I delivered what I said I would.
JUSTIN
There was no magic set in there.
DEVLIN
Magic set? Who said anything about a set?
JUSTIN
On Youtube.
DEXTER
You bought this...
(clumsily flourishes hands)
On the internet?
ANDREW
Something smells funny.
DEXTER
Don't look at me. I didn't cut.
DEVLIN
(to Dexter)
It's not for just anyone.
(to Justin)
Actually, what I said is that you would
get the power to do magic and, I believe,
you got that.
JUSTIN
Where?
DEVLIN
What do you think you've been doing all
day? Surely you don't think that comes
from those stupid lessons you've been
(MORE)
DEVLIN (cont'd)
taking from that ex-hippie who calls
himself a magician?
JUSTIN
Hey, how do you know about that?
DEVLIN
I know a lot more than you want me to
know. And I know that you have great
potential. That's why I gave you the
power.
JUSTIN
I paid for them.
DEVLIN
Yes...yes you did, and you should see
what you bought. You're only at the tip
of the iceberg.
CINDI
(sniffing the air)
I think something's burning.
JUSTIN
You mean there's more?
DEVLIN
More than you can ever imagine. It just
takes time to develop. Try it out.
JUSTIN
Like what?
DEVLIN
I can make cards appear and disappear at
will.
(he does)
I can pull a rabbit from a hat...Now,
where did I put my hat?
(produces one; a rabbit pops
out)
And change a rabbit to a dove.
(it does and flies away)
You want pennies from heaven?
(holds his arms up, pennies
rain around them)
Piece of cake. I can do anything.
ANDREW
Incredible.
DEXTER
How about me?
DEVLIN
I can make you disappear or do you want
me to saw you in half?
DEXTER
I want the power, too.
DEVLIN
Sorry, Bluto, but you're not on my
recruiting list.
DEXTER
(pulls out cellphone)
Then I'll order it online.
DEVLIN
Good luck.
Devlin turns and stares intensely at Justin. The sky darkens
around the group, slowly growing into a fiery red.
DEVLIN (cont'd)
You have the power to do whatever you
want.
JUSTIN
I...I don't want the power.
DEXTER
I'll take it.
DEVLIN
Relax and let it take hold of your body,
your mind, your
(hissing/sizzling)
sssssoul. Just feel the force, Luke.
JUSTIN
That's Justin.
DEVLIN
Whatever. Just feel it.
JUSTIN
I don't want it.
DEVLIN
You certainly did last night, and a few
other nights, I believe.
JUSTIN
Well, I've changed my mind.
DEVLIN
Too late. We made a deal.
CINDI
Excuse me, but I don't think I got your
name.
DEVLIN
Oh, how rude of me. The name is Devlin.
DEXTER
Is that a first or a last name?
DEVLIN
It's my only name. Although people have
called me many things over the years, I
prefer to go the one-name route, like
Bono, Madonna, etc.
CINDI
Devlin, Devlin...The name certainly fits.
DEVLIN
I like to think so. Now, about that
deal...
ANDREW
Don't these things have money-back
guarantees?
JUSTIN
Yeah. Refund me my money.
DEXTER
I got my dad's Visa and it has a thirty
thousand limit. Can I get this power-
stuff now?
CINDI
Will you shut up?
DEVLIN
Money, money, money. All this talk about
money. What, exactly, did you pay me?
JUSTIN
I signed for it. There was something
about a deferred payment plan.
DEVLIN
Lifetime guarantee, too. But money? Not
that I remember.
JUSTIN
So what, exactly, are you saying?
DEVLIN
Well, let me put it to you this way. I
have given you something you always
wanted and in return, you'll give me
something.
JUSTIN
Like what?
DEVLIN
Nothing you have to worry about now.
JUSTIN
Then when?
DEVLIN
Oh, say -- what, you're fourteen now,
then -- about eighty years from now, more
or less.
CINDI
Devlin, Devlin. There's something oddly
familiar about that name but I can't
place my finger on it.
JUSTIN
I want to know what I'm giving you.
DEVLIN
Why are you being so insistent? Can't you
just wait a bit and enjoy your new-found
abilities?
JUSTIN
Take them back.
DEVLIN
Sorry, no can do.
JUSTIN
I don't want them. I...
DEXTER
I'll take them.
ANDREW
Yeah, please, give them to him and
collect the payment now, whatever it is.
DEVLIN
Nope. Sorry.
JUSTIN
I won't use them. I'll never practice
magic again.
DEVLIN
(produces the contract)
Suit yourself, but the deal is still on.
May I remind you, we have an agreement.
JUSTIN
(grabs it, starts to rip it up)
Not now.
As the pieces of the contract fall to the ground, Devlin smiles
and, with his palm turned upwards, slowly raises his hand. The
contract pieces form together like a puzzle in mid-air and the
re-formed agreement settles in Devlin's hand.
DEVLIN
Want to try that again? I kind of like
this part.
Cindi suddenly gasps in horror.
CINDI
My god.
DEVLIN
Well, not exactly, but you're getting,
ahem, warmer.
ANDREW
That smell.
DEXTER
I said, it wasn't me.
CINDI
He's...he's the dev...dev...
JUSTIN
The devil?
DEVLIN
(whining)
No, no. Not "devil." It's "Devlin." It
was always Devlin. All these years I've
suffered because some damn guy back when
they were writing that...that book.
What's it called?
CINDI
The bible?
DEVLIN
Yeah, that one. One little old man --
who, by the way, had some nasty powers of
his own -- slipped with the pen and
smeared the page. Next thing I know, it's
"Devil", all because he didn't have any
whiteout to fix it up. Sure, I don't mind
the nicknames, but it would have been
nice to see my name in the greatest
selling book of all time, not to mention
the sequels, the movies, and now they
stream things, etc.
JUSTIN
I don't get it. What did I give you?
DEVLIN
You, young protege, gave me your...
CINDI
Soul.
DEVLIN
Ah, damn. I wanted to say it...Actually,
it's...
(hissing/sizzling)
Sssssoul.
(holds out the bottom of the
contract)
See, it says right here.
DEXTER
It's in ink, too.
ANDREW
Red ink.
DEVLIN
Well, not exactly ink. Remember that bug
bite this morning
JUSTIN
Yeah.
DEVLIN
Guess again.
CINDI
I'm going to be sick.
DEVLIN
Ma'am, please. I hate the sight of human
waste.
JUSTIN
That's my blood?
DEXTER
Blood?
DEVLIN
My, he's a fast one...Yes, yes. Your
blood. A universally recognized binding
agreement.
(looks at watch)
Listen, while this has been fun, I do
have other things to take care of. So,
Justin, enjoy your powers and, let's say
I put you down in my appointment book for
a check up in a decade.
JUSTIN
You won't get away with this.
DEVLIN
But I have. Now, if you don't mind
(the sky returns to normal)
I'll be on my way.
(pointing down)
By the way, your shoelace is untied.
All the kids look down.
DEVLIN (cont'd)
Oh, man, I love that one.
Of course, it isn't undone. When they look up, Devlin is gone.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
21 -
The Magic Call
INT. DEXTER'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Dexter is propped in front of his computer, scouring the
internet.
DEXTER
It's got to be here somewhere. I know it
is.
Dexter is checking out Youtube ads, mostly the same as Justin
watched previously.
DEXTER (cont'd)
Abs, abs, abs. How many of those stupid
machines can they sell?
Dexter passes Devlin, then goes back to him.
DEXTER (cont'd)
Hey, that's him. That's the magic guy.
DEVLIN
(from the TV)
Amazing, isn't it? Magic made easy. Even
for the -- how should I say it --
mentally challenged. Just call the number
at the bottom of the screen and...
Dexter grabs his phone and punches in the numbers.
Genres:
["Drama","Fantasy","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
22 -
Homework Help or Technical Support?
INT. JEFF'S HOME OFFICE/DEN - NIGHT
Jeff is working away at his computer when Justin enters the
room. As they talk Justin watches the computer screen while Jeff
has some apparent difficulty with something. He keeps changing
things on the screen and on some papers on his desk.
JEFF
Finished your homework already?
JUSTIN
Ah, mostly. I thought I'd take a break.
JEFF
Well, don't delay too long. It's getting
late.
JUSTIN
Yeah, I know.
(pause)
(MORE)
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Actually, I need help with one of my
problems.
JEFF
Which subject?
JUSTIN
Ah...Law.
JEFF
Law? Since when do you take Law?
JUSTIN
Well, um, it's not exactly Law...It's
part of my, ah...World Issues course.
JEFF
Okay. Shoot.
JUSTIN
Let's say there's this guy, and this
guy...this guy buys something. Something
big.
JEFF
Like what?
JUSTIN
Like...like a car. And when he buys this
car they tell him that he has to sign a
contract with lots and lots of fine print
in it. When he picks up the car he finds
that it's missing some of the stuff he
wanted, like a sunroof or something, so
he asks the dealer to take the car back.
JEFF
But the dealer tells him to forget it,
the deal is done.
JUSTIN
Right. He says to look at the small print
in the contract. Can't the guy get his
money back?
JEFF
Hmmm. Well, he could bounce the cheque.
You know, not pay him for the car.
JUSTIN
No, that's no good.
JEFF
Yeah, you're right...He could refuse
delivery because it's not what he
ordered. Of course, he may lose his
deposit, but...
JUSTIN
No, I need something better.
JEFF
Then he should sue him.
JUSTIN
Sue him? Really?
JEFF
Sure. Hit him where it counts. Take him
to court. Bankrupt him if he has to.
JUSTIN
(excited)
Yeah.
(more subdued)
I mean, yeah. That's a good idea.
JEFF
Trying to do a deal with a car dealer is
like doing a deal with the devil himself.
JUSTIN
That's right...I mean, really?
JEFF
Just wait until you get older. You'll
find out.
Justin starts to leave.
JEFF (cont'd)
(skeptical)
World Issues, eh?
JUSTIN
Ah...
Justin leans over the desk, looks at Jeff's papers, and punches
a few keys on the computer.
JEFF
Hey...
Jeff looks at the screen and is amazed at what he sees. He looks
at a smiling Justin, back at the screen, and then at Justin
again.
JEFF (cont'd)
And you ask me for advice?
Genres:
["Drama","Mystery","Fantasy"]
Ratings
Scene
23 -
The Frustrated Magician
EXT. DEXTER'S HOUSE - EARLY MORNING
Dexter is anxiously waiting for his big delivery. A UPS truck
pulls into his driveway and the driver gets out holding onto a
box. Dexter runs up to him.
DEXTER
It's here, it's here.
DRIVER
That'll be twenty-four fifty.
Dexter reaches into his pocket, pulls twenty-five dollars, gives
it to the driver and grabs the box. The driver looks at the
bills.
DRIVER (cont'd)
Gee, thanks for the tip. Now I can
retire.
DEXTER
Yeah, you're welcome.
Dexter rips open the parcel. He pulls out a magic kit, the kind
one would find in a toy store. He removes from the kit a plastic
wand and a deck of cards. He holds the wand over the cards.
DEXTER (cont'd)
Okay, cards, now rise.
(nothing happens)
Ah...Oh yeah. Abracadabra.
(again nothing)
Hocus pocus?
(nothing)
Rise, damnit.
Seeing nothing happening, Dexter throws the cards down and
starts to rummage through the kit. He finds the instruction
book.
DEXTER (cont'd)
What did he call it? Oh, "powers", that's
it. Powers, powers...damn. Nothing.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
24 -
The Right Schwartz
INT. LARGE OFFICE BUILDING THIRTIETH FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY
Justin steps off an elevator, and is facing another bank of
elevators.
RECEPTIONIST (O.S.)
Excuse me, sir. Can I help you?
Justin turns to his right and finds himself in the lobby of a
large law firm. There is a receptionist sitting at a massive
desk halfway between him and the full length glass window
overlooking the city below. On the front of her desk is gold
lettering reading "Rosen, Rosenberg, Rosenbaum, Schwartz."
JUSTIN
(approaching the desk)
Uh, yeah. I was looking for, um, a
lawyer.
RECEPTIONIST
Anyone in particular?
JUSTIN
(looks at sign on desk)
Mr...Mr. Schwartz.
RECEPTIONIST
Which one?
JUSTIN
There's more than one?
RECEPTIONIST
We have several. Did you have an
appointment?
JUSTIN
Oh, no ma'am.
RECEPTIONIST
How about you tell me what you need a
lawyer for and I'll pick the right
Schwartz for you.
JUSTIN
I...I have to sue someone.
From behind a hand appears on Justin's shoulder.
MOE
Then I'm your man.
Justin, startled, turns to see MOE SCHWARTZ, a mid-thirties,
suit-less, longish-haired, easy-going black man with a trusting
look, even for a lawyer.
JUSTIN
You're a lawyer?
MOE
I don't look like one?
JUSTIN
No...yes. I mean...where's your suit?
MOE
You want a suit, go to a tailor. Me? I'm
comfortable if you're comfortable. Now,
what seems to be the problem?
JUSTIN
Well...
(looking around)
You want me to tell you out here? What
about client confidentiality?
MOE
You have to hire me first.
JUSTIN
How do I know you're any good?
MOE
Look, suppose you are accused of
committing a murder...Did you?
JUSTIN
No.
MOE
Too bad. I like murder trials...Okay, so
you're accused of murder and you face
being fried on the chair. You have a
choice of two lawyers. One is a beautiful
black man like myself -- only in a suit --
and the other is a similarly dressed
female. Both have years of experience and
come highly recommended. Which do you
choose?
JUSTIN
Ah, I guess I would take the man...No,
no, the woman...Oh, I don't know.
MOE
The answer's easy.
JUSTIN
Which one?
MOE
You pick the Jew...I know what you're
thinking.
JUSTIN
No, honestly. I wasn't.
MOE
That's okay. I like to see the looks on
peoples' faces. I was adopted by Mr. Fred
Schwartz, the founder of this firm. I'm
kind of like the black sheep of the
family.
JUSTIN
I...
MOE
That was a joke.
JUSTIN
I...
MOE
Now, you want a Schwartz or you want to
go down the hall to O'Brian's office?
Genres:
["Comedy","Legal Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
25 -
A Devilish Contract
INT. MOE'S OFFICE - DAY
Moe's office is eclectically decorated. Justin is sinking in a
beanbag chair while Moe is reclining in front of a television
which is on but muted.
MOE
So let me get this straight. You want to
sue a car salesman?
JUSTIN
Yup.
MOE
Tell me, Justin, how old are you?
JUSTIN
Fourteen.
MOE
And you bought a car?
JUSTIN
Yup.
MOE
And you didn't get a sunroof?
JUSTIN
Nope.
MOE
Hmmm...What kind of car was it?
JUSTIN
Ah, it was, ah...Does it matter?
MOE
Well, no, not really, but it would make
the case a little stronger.
JUSTIN
Look, the salesman gave me something
different than what I wanted.
(almost tearful)
C'mon, Moe, isn't that enough to get back
what I paid for it?
MOE
(getting a tissue for Justin)
Relax, Justin, relax. You know what?
You're right. The details don't matter
right now. Sorry...So, what was the
salesman like? Young, old...?
JUSTIN
Not too old, slicked hair. Like one of
those perfect guys from old movies. And
he had this darkness about him.
MOE
Like me?
JUSTIN
No...NO.
(pause)
You're going to think this is crazy, but
there's one other thing about him.
MOE
Believe me, I've heard everything. Hit
me.
JUSTIN
He's...he's the devil.
MOE
Of course he is. He sells cars.
JUSTIN
No. You don't understand. He really is
the devil.
MOE
(leans forward)
The truth now, Justin. What did you
really buy from him?
Justin takes a deck of cards out of his pocket and places it on
a table.
JUSTIN
Name any card.
MOE
Nine of clubs.
JUSTIN
Hold out your hand.
(Moe does)
Watch.
Justin points his finger at the deck and a card jumps up and
lands on Moe's outstretched palm. It's the chosen card.
MOE
Uh, just out of curiosity, what did you
sign the contract for this, um, car with?
JUSTIN
A pen.
MOE
Phew.
JUSTIN
Filled with my blood.
MOE
You putting me on?
JUSTIN
(getting up)
Maybe I shouldn't be here.
MOE
Why not?
JUSTIN
I'm just a kid and you probably don't
believe me. Besides, I can't pay you.
MOE
Sit down, Justin. First of all, for some
strange, twisted reason that even I don't
understand, I believe you. No kid your
age is stupid enough to come all the way
up here and make up a story like that.
JUSTIN
Thanks...I think.
MOE
(walking the room)
Second of all, don't worry about the
money. I'm allowed to take on some pro-
bono cases every so often and this is the
first one in a long time where there
seems to be a genuine problem, and not
just a poor murderer who should be locked
up anyway.
JUSTIN
So you'll do it?
Moe is standing at the far end of the room, as far from Justin
as possible. He holds out his hand.
MOE
Jack of diamonds.
The card appears in his hand instantly.
MOE (cont'd)
You have any money on you?
JUSTIN
Just a couple of dollars. Lunch money.
MOE
Why don't you just make some appear?
JUSTIN
I wouldn't...
MOE
Give me your money.
JUSTIN
(handing it to him)
But my lunch.
MOE
(takes money)
There. Now you've hired me.
(hands him the money back)
Lunch is on me.
Justin smiles for the first time in a while.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Legal Drama","Coming-of-Age"]
Ratings
Scene
26 -
The Desperate Push
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
Justin is walking with Cindi.
CINDI
You're going to sue him? You can't do
that.
JUSTIN
Why not?
CINDI
Duh, I think it's obvious.
JUSTIN
It is?
CINDI
You can't win with him. He's
the...the...I feel weird saying it.
JUSTIN
I have to win. If I don't then I'm stuck
for life with the greatest magical powers
known to man but completely powerless to
do the one trick I really want to do.
CINDI
What's that?
JUSTIN
Get my life back.
CINDI
What has your dad said about all this?
(no response)
You didn't tell him, did you?
JUSTIN
I tried but, well, it didn't come out
exactly as it, maybe, should have.
CINDI
He's going to kill you.
JUSTIN
Unfortunately, at the moment that means
nothing. I will, though, tell this guy.
Justin motions towards the window of the Den Of Magic.
CINDI
That old guy? He's supposed to be a bit
nuts.
JUSTIN
Trust me, Harry's the coolest old guy
you'll ever know.
Justin opens the door for Cindi and she hesitantly walks in,
slightly aided by Justin's shove.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
27 -
The Contract
INT. DEN OF MAGIC - DAY
HARRY
Well, well. He learns to do a few tricks
and already he has a beautiful babe
draped on his arm.
Harry's winning her over already. As Justin approaches the
counter, Harry places a quarter on a counter-mat.
HARRY (cont'd)
Okay, hot shot. Let's see if you practice
what I've preached.
JUSTIN
Harry, I have to talk to you about
something.
HARRY
First, the quarter.
JUSTIN
But Harry, it's real important. I need
your advice. There's this...
Harry just points to the quarter.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Okay, okay. Close your hand around the
quarter.
Harry does as asked and Justin holds his own closed fist out
beside Harry's.
JUSTIN (cont'd)
Now, open your fist
Harry does. The quarter is gone. Justin opens his fist and the
quarter is, naturally, there.
HARRY
That's unnatural.
CINDI
You can say that again.
HARRY
How'd you do that?
JUSTIN
Someone taught it to me.
HARRY
Oh, nice. Loyalty. This someone must be
pretty good.
JUSTIN
Yeah, I guess you could say that.
CINDI
Well, I'm not sure "good" is his best
characteristic.
HARRY
Let me guess, it was that Morris guy on
Main Street. You went to my competitor.
JUSTIN
Ah, Harry, you know I only shop here.
HARRY
Then who?
JUSTIN
Just some guy.
CINDI
Tell him. That's what you came here for,
isn't it?
HARRY
What's she talking about?
JUSTIN
His name is, ah...
(Cindi elbows him)
Devlin.
HARRY
(shocked)
Please tell me you didn't say what I
thought I heard.
JUSTIN
You know him?
HARRY
Maybe I misheard you. It was Darren,
right? Darwin? Damian -- boy I'd even
settle for that.
JUSTIN
Devlin.
Harry goes very silent. He alternates stares at Justin and
anywhere else. He is deep in thought.
CINDI
Come on, Justin, let's go. I told you he
couldn't help.
JUSTIN
(to Harry, ignoring Cindi)
You know him, don't you?
HARRY
You could say that.
JUSTIN
Then you can help me.
HARRY
That I didn't say.
JUSTIN
But...
HARRY
Did you, by chance, sign anything?
JUSTIN
He told me it was for delivery of
something I ordered online.
HARRY
He rolls with the times, I'll give him
that but, help you, that's impossible.
JUSTIN
He said something about my soul.
HARRY
That's sssssoul.
JUSTIN
Yeah, that's him.
HARRY
Shame on him, picking on innocent
children. He has the choice of the world,
men and women from all walks of life, yet
(MORE)
HARRY (cont'd)
he has to sink his claws into those that
can least resist. Isn't that just typical
of him. What a wimp.
There is an audible popping noise.
DEVLIN (O.S.)
My, my. Don't you think you're being just
a little harsh on me?
Devlin has appeared, sitting on one of the store counters
opposite Harry, but behind Cindi and Justin.
CINDI
Something smells funny.
HARRY
Well, look who it is? Still Mr. Slick.
DEVLIN
It's Devlin.
HARRY
So I've heard. Since when did you start
using Devlin again?
DEVLIN
Wake up, Harry. It's a new century...by
their calendar anyway. Changing your name
for show business is out. Ethnic is in.
HARRY
Stay off of my turf.
DEVLIN
Ah, Harry -- it is Harry these days,
isn't it? -- it's been such a long time.
I really, really have missed
you...really.
JUSTIN
You guys know each other?
HARRY
Let's just say that our paths have
crossed.
DEVLIN
My lord, Harry...
HARRY
Your lord?
DEVLIN
Just a figure of speech. Come on, tell
them about us.
HARRY
It's none of their business. Just let him
go.
DEVLIN
You know I'd really love to but, a
contract is a contract.
HARRY
Why him?
DEVLIN
Why not? He wanted something badly and,
quite frankly, you weren't giving it to
him so I did.
HARRY
You picked him on purpose.
DEVLIN
Me? Moi? Are you accusing little ol' me?
HARRY
Knock it off, fire-breath. Let's keep
this personal.
There is the distinctive ringing of a cell phone. Devlin answers
his.
DEVLIN
Hello-o. Big D here...What do you mean
Anderson-Cooper turned us down? Well try
Jimmy Fallon. He owes me big time...A mud
slide in Iraq? You've got to be kidding?
Of course I'll be there, just as soon as
I wrap up this meeting.
(hangs up)
Look, I'm outta here. There's a whole
slew of potentials on death's doorstep
and I've got to do some recruiting.
HARRY
Let the boy go.
DEVLIN
Sorry.
HARRY
He was one of mine.
DEVLIN
You're slowing down there, Harry. Get
with the times. "Now" is the buzzword.
Patience may be a virtue, but today it's
just too late.
CINDI
What's he talking about?
DEVLIN
Gotta run, gotta go. Call me sometime,
Harry. Let's do lunch. I'd love to chat.
Justie, young buddy, just buzz if you
need me. Oh, and by the way, about that
court thing? Not a good idea.
JUSTIN
Why not?
DEVLIN
Where are you going to find a lawyer?
(laughs uncontrollably)
Man, I love that one.
HARRY
Look...
But Devlin has already popped away. Harry looks off, definitely
thinking again.
JUSTIN
What have I done?
(pause)
Harry? Are you okay?
HARRY
You...you better get going.
JUSTIN
But Harry, I need your help.
HARRY
(not looking at Justin)
There's nothing I can do. Sorry.
JUSTIN
(mad)
Come on, Cindi. You were right. He's no
help at all.
Justin and Cindi leave the store. Harry is alone at the counter.
He slowly walks over to a small coat closet at the back of the
store. He opens it, reaches deep within the closet, and pulls
out a long, old, wooden, twisted walking stick. He stares at it
reverently.
HARRY
I wish I could.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Drama","Mystery"]
Ratings
Scene
28 -
The Unseen Coin
INT. FOREST HILL JUNIOR HIGH CLASSROOM - DAY
Class hasn't started yet and the teacher is out of the room.
Dexter has some of the students around him, including Justin,
Cindi and Andrew. Dexter is holding a cheap plastic coin box.
DEXTER
Listen up, creepazoids. I'm going to do a
magic trick.
ANONYMOUS VOICE
Make yourself disappear.
DEXTER
I heard that. Remind me to kill you
later. Now, I put a coin into this box,
close it up, and, when I open it
(he does)
The coin is gone.
ANOTHER STUDENT
Turn it around.
DEXTER
Who said that?
HECKLER
I got one of those for my third birthday.
ANOTHER STUDENT
Leave the magic to Justin.
JUSTIN
Hand it to him, Dexter.
DEXTER
But...
JUSTIN
(looking straight at Dexter)
Just do it.
Dexter hands it to the heckler.
HECKLER
See, you just turn it around and...
The heckler keeps opening and reopening the box every time he
turns it around. The coin is gone.
DEXTER
(menacingly to Heckler)
You got anything else to say?
HECKLER
Ah, great trick.
Dexter looks at Justin. Justin smiles at him.
Genres:
["Comedy","Fantasy"]
Ratings
Scene
29 -
The Nightmare Within
INT. JUSTIN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The room is pulsing with a firey-red glow. Blackened smoke curls
through the air. Justin, in his pyjamas, stands at the end of
his bed facing another Justin, the possessed one, who looks
identical but somewhat ...possessed.
JUSTIN
I can play your game, now. You know I
have the power.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
This "power" thing. Don't you think it's
a bit of an obsession? Maybe you should
be seeing someone about that.
JUSTIN
My power is real.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
As real as this?
The Possessed Justin partially morphs into Devlin, but has a
slight haze, like an unfocused picture, showing both faces.
JUSTIN
I can do the feats of all the great
magicians.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Great magicians? Don't you get it yet?
Okay, there are a few amateur-hour guys
out there with fast hands. The big ones,
though, how do you think they got there?
I put them there, just like I'm doing for
you.
JUSTIN
I don't believe you.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Look at history. Merlin was afraid for
his life. If he screwed up the king would
have chopped off his head. Thurston,
Blackstone -- all of them -- faced lonely
lives without my gifts to them
JUSTIN
What about the greats of today,
Copperfield, Blaine, Angel?
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Sorry, can't talk. Professional courtesy.
JUSTIN
I don't believe you.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Each and every one of them shared one
very mortal secret. They all were afraid
of something.
JUSTIN
Not me.
The morphing clears back to just the Possessed Justin.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Really? Well, I think we know
differently, now, don't we bro?
JUSTIN
(closes eyes tightly)
Go away. Just go away.
(opens eyes)
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Still here. Sorry.
JUSTIN
(closes eyes again)
I command you to leave.
(opens them)
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Too bad mom isn't here to see this.
JUSTIN
What about my mom?
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Our mom. Man, if she saw her wimpy son,
she'd leave you so fast you...
Before he can finish, Justin launches himself off the bed onto
his possessed self. Justin falls through a laughing apparition,
and as he lands face-first on the bedroom floor:
INT. JUSTIN'S ROOM - DAWN
His father walks in. Justin is sprawled on the floor.
JEFF
Not again?
JUSTIN
I...I tripped on the way to the bathroom.
JEFF
Thank god for that. At least I know
there's something about you still the
same.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Supernatural","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
30 -
From Blunder to Wonder
EXT. BASEBALL DIAMOND - DAY
With a game in progress, we pick up on Justin running like crazy
and clumsily sliding into first. There's tons of dirt. As the
dust settles we see that Justin has totally missed the bag and
is tagged out. Justin slowly stands. Disgusted with himself, he
barely brushes off the dust as he heads back to the bench.
CAPTAIN #1
I thought you said he had improved.
ANDREW
He has, he has.
JUSTIN
Geez, I thought I would make it.
ANDREW
Nice try.
CAPTAIN #1
He stinks.
ANDREW
Just give him another chance.
CAPTAIN #1
Why, and lose the game? No way.
Dexter steps between them.
DEXTER
Yes way.
CAPTAIN #1
You want me to play Stern again? You
don't even like the guy. Give me a break.
Dexter grabs the Captain's arm and twists it behind his back.
DEXTER
Now, where exactly would you like me to
give you the break? Listen, Captain Jerk,
I think I'm feeling a little woozy so I'm
going to sit my turn out and Justin will
take it.
CAPTAIN #1
You can't do that. It's against the
rules.
DEXTER
I'm changing the rules.
(out loud)
Justin Stern is now batting for me. Any
objections?
VARIOUS PLAYERS
No...No...Fine by me...No problem.
ANDREW
(to Justin)
Use it.
JUSTIN
Use what?
ANDREW
You know, that thing you have.
JUSTIN
Thing?
(pause)
Oh, that? No way. It wouldn't be right.
DEXTER
(sticking his nose in)
Come on, Sterny, show them your, ah,
power.
ANDREW
(softly)
Do it, Justin. Show them up for once.
Justin looks at Dexter, then at Andrew. He walks to the plate
deep in thought, picks up the bat, and gets ready.
OPPOSING PLAYER
Move in guys, Mr. Groundball is back.
With those words echoing in his head, Justin points his bat
towards the outfield.
OPPOSING PLAYER (cont'd)
Get a load of him. He thinks he's Babe
Ruth.
The pitcher pitches the ball. With a mighty swing, Justin whacks
the ball over everyone's head and out of the diamond. His team
cheers as Justin takes a deliberately slow walk around the
bases, smiling all the way.
As he makes it to home base:
DEXTER
(to Captain, still holding his
arm)
You were saying?
CAPTAIN #1
Way to go, Justin.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy","Fantasy"]
Ratings
Scene
31 -
Strike of Conscience
EXT. BASEBALL DIAMOND - DAY: AN HOUR LATER
The game is still in progress. Justin's team is at bat. Andrew
steps to the plate, the pitcher lobs one in, and Andrew hits a
double.
CAPTAIN #1
Stern, let's go. One run to tie it up.
DEXTER
Do it, Slugger.
JUSTIN
I can't.
CAPTAIN #1
Sure you can. You're hot today. Go be a
star.
JUSTIN
(to Dexter)
I said I didn't want this...this power-
thing. I'm not going to cheat.
DEXTER
Look, I know a thing or two about
cheating and I say this isn't in the
book. Cheating is when you use something
that's not really yours, but this is.
JUSTIN
It's not mine and I don't want it.
CAPTAIN #1
Justin, we're waiting.
DEXTER
(handing Justin a bat)
Do it.
Justin, taking the bat, glares at Dexter and then walks to the
plate. The opposing team, seeing Justin, all quickly back up in
the field. A pitch is thrown, Justin swings and misses. Justin
steps from the plate, turns, and catches Dexter's glare.
Stepping back to the plate he holds his gaze on Andrew. As the
pitcher releases, Justin gives a "sorry" shrug to Andrew, swings
at the ball, and barely hits a sad grounder. The catcher picks
up the ball and throws it to first, beating Justin by a few
seconds.
Justin, head down, trots back to the bench as the winning
players congratulate themselves. Andrew catches up to Justin
just as Dexter does.
DEXTER (cont'd)
Way to blow it, Shrimp.
JUSTIN
You don't understand.
ANDREW
Ah, don't worry about it. You had your
reasons.
DEXTER
If you don't want that power-thing, pass
it on over to me.
JUSTIN
I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
CAPTAIN #1
(to Justin)
Great grounder, Stern. Last time I pick
you, you loser.
Dexter turns, grabs the Captain by the collar, and smashes him
against the wire fence of the diamond backstop, holding him
there.
DEXTER
Listen, Jerko. The next time you play
you're going to pick Stern first.
Understand?
(there's a weak nod)
I'm glad we're in agreement.
Dexter puts him down.
DEXTER (cont'd)
And as for you, Stern. Next time you see
that internet magician, tell him I'm
going to sue him for that crap he sent
me.
JUSTIN
Stand in line.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
32 -
The Disruptive Defendant
INT. COURTROOM - DAY
At a long table on one side of the front of a small, basic
courtroom, sit Moe and Justin. Behind them, in the common area,
sit Andrew, Cindi and Dexter. On the other side sits a solitary
figure, NEIL FISHER, defense attorney. No one else is anywhere
close to him. They are all sitting and waiting.
A door opens at the front left of the room and out walks a
BAILIFF.
BAILIFF
All rise. Judge Gabriel Morton presiding.
As everyone rises, in walks JUDGE GABRIEL MORTON, grey-haired,
mid-sixties, very fit man emanating order in his court.
JUDGE MORTON
Have a seat, please.
(sifts through papers)
Now, let's see. This is a preliminary
case, one of discovery for trial. Are the
plaintiffs ready?
MOE
(standing)
We are, Your Honour.
JUDGE MORTON
Good, good. Have a seat. Defence?
FISHER
(standing)
Uh, well, Your Honour, I'm not quite
sure.
JUDGE MORTON
Client bail out on you?
FISHER
Well, actually, I still haven't met my
client.
JUDGE MORTON
And your reason, Mr., ah
(looks at papers)
Fisher?
FISHER
I couldn't find him. I called, I sent a
sheriff...nothing.
JUDGE MORTON
Well, we'll proceed anyway. Mr. Schwartz,
you can present your side of the story.
MOE
I call Justin Stern to the stand.
Justin's friends buzz excitedly as he walks to the box and is
sworn in.
BAILIFF
Do you swear to tell the whole truth?
JUSTIN
I do.
BAILIFF
Be seated.
MOE
How old are you, Justin?
JUSTIN
I'll be fourteen in two months, though.
MOE
You are in grade eight at Forest Hill
Junior High, correct?
JUSTIN
Yes.
MOE
You do fairly well in school?
JUSTIN
Pretty good.
CINDI
(out loud)
He does great.
MOE
(holding a piece of paper)
I'd say so. I have here a copy of your
last report and I see almost straight
A's.
JUSTIN
Except for gym.
FISHER
Objection. This has no relevancy.
MOE
I have to establish my client's
credibility. It's imperative to the case.
JUDGE MORTON
I'll accept that for now. Overruled.
Continue.
MOE
Thank you. Now Justin, do you have any
hobbies?
JUSTIN
Magic.
MOE
Explain.
JUSTIN
Card tricks, coin tricks. I like to do
them for others.
MOE
Do you buy these tricks?
JUSTIN
Some. From The Den Of Magic Shop.
MOE
Anywhere else?
JUSTIN
Not usually, until, that is, I saw that
Youtube ad.
MOE
What ad would that be?
JUSTIN
There was a guy named Devlin promising
great magical skills.
MOE
You mean certain tricks, like in a magic
set?
JUSTIN
I thought so. I called the number on the
screen. The next day a package was
delivered.
MOE
And what was in the package?
JUSTIN
It was empty.
MOE
So, you received...
JUSTIN
Nothing.
MOE
Noth...
The door at the back of the courtroom bursts open and a head
appears just as the door is closing again. It is obvious that
the rest of the body is being held from behind the door.
DEVLIN
Objection. Hey, let me go.
The door opens up again and a struggling Devlin, bear-hugged by
a bear of a GUARD, wiggles his way through.
JUDGE MORTON
Excuse me?
DEVLIN
Call off this animal.
GUARD
He claims that he should be in here.
DEVLIN
You know, you really don't want to
provoke me. I could make your life hell.
JUDGE MORTON
Who are you?
DEVLIN
My name is Devlin.
JUDGE MORTON
(to Justin)
Does he look familiar to you?
JUSTIN
He's the one.
JUDGE MORTON
(to Guard)
Let him go.
The guard reluctantly lets Devlin go. Devlin brushes himself
off.
DEVLIN
Thanks, Morty. Now, where would
(looks at a business card)
Neil Fisher be?
FISHER
Here.
DEVLIN
Right. Listen, great job. Thanks. Time to
go, now. I'll handle this.
FISHER
Ah...
JUDGE MORTON
Excuse me, Mr. Devlin, but...
DEVLIN
It's just Devlin. No "mister."
JUDGE MORTON
Is that your first or last name?
DEVLIN
Both. It's good marketing. Kind of
catchy, I think.
JUDGE MORTON
As I was trying to say...Devlin. I could
hold you in contempt just on your failure
to answer Mr. Fisher's attempt to locate
you.
DEVLIN
You know how it is to be a busy man,
Gabe. Should have tried my cell.
JUDGE MORTON
I suggest you let Mr. Fisher proceed with
his defense.
DEVLIN
Okay, here's the deal. I'll let him take
a run at it...for now. I could use the
rest. But, if I start losing, he's goin'
cruising.
JUDGE MORTON
I take it you've agreed. Continue, Mr.
Schwartz.
MOE
Let's see...Justin, you said you thought
you were purchasing a magic set but when
you received it there was nothing in the
box.
JUSTIN
Right.
DEVLIN
Objection.
JUDGE MORTON
You can't object.
DEVLIN
(pointing to Fisher)
Can he?
JUDGE MORTON
Yes.
DEVLIN
(to Fisher)
Object then.
FISHER
On what grounds?
DEVLIN
He's lying.
FISHER
I have to prove it, in my cross
examination.
DEVLIN
So do it.
FISHER
It's not my time.
A cellphone goes off. Devlin takes his out of his pocket and
reads the screen.
DEVLIN
Damn. I just lost out on a train wreck in
Russia. This case is taking too long.
MOE
Did you pay for this...empty box?
DEVLIN
Objection.
JUDGE MORTON
What a surprise. Mr. Fisher?
Fisher shrugs his shoulders and looks at Devlin.
DEVLIN
Just because he didn't see anything, does
that mean it was empty?
JUDGE MORTON
Overruled.
DEVLIN
What a surprise.
JUSTIN
I signed something about a deferred
payment plan, but I didn't give him any
money.
MOE
What was the deferred payment?
JUSTIN
I don't know.
MOE
Were you told?
JUSTIN
I asked, but I was told not to worry.
Devlin's cell goes off again. He looks at it.
DEVLIN
Geez, I'm losing every second I stay
here.
(to Fisher)
When do you get to grill him?
FISHER
Soon.
DEVLIN
Do it now.
FISHER
It's not my turn.
DEVLIN
Do something, or you're history.
Fisher is locked in Devlin's gaze. He thinks for a moment.
FISHER
Your Honour, seeing as this is only a
preliminary hearing, and due to the lack
of the usual pre-hearing exchange of
(MORE)
FISHER (cont'd)
information, perhaps Mr. Schwartz could
elaborate as to the grounds this case is
being tried on.
JUDGE MORTON
If Mr. Schwartz is in agreement?
MOE
Certainly. We aim to prove firstly, that
there was never a valid contract with my
client. Secondly, if there was a
contract, that it was breached by Mr.
Devlin.
DEVLIN
Oh, go to trial.
JUDGE MORTON
I'll have no profanity in my courtroom.
DEVLIN
Trial. I said trial. Look, this should be
a piece of cake. A no brainer, which,
given my current counsel, should be right
up his alley.
JUDGE MORTON
Now, here's your choice, Mr. Devlin. You
can listen to all of the testimony or,
you can call it quits now.
DEVLIN
Those are the only two, eh?
JUDGE MORTON
Mr. Fisher?
Fisher turns to Devlin for his answer. Devlin thinks for a
moment, then royally waves his hand for the proceedings to
proceed.
JUDGE MORTON (cont'd)
Continue, Mr.Schwartz.
Genres:
["Drama","Legal"]
Ratings
Scene
33 -
Courtroom Chaos: The Devil's Summons
INT. COURTROOM - DAY: HOURS LATER
JUDGE MORTON
You may step down.
As Cindi leaves the witness stand, we see Devlin sleeping along
a bench. He is snoring heavily. His cell rings. Devlin groggily
grabs phone and tries to focus on the screen. He suddenly sits
up.
DEVLIN
Come on, Fishface. Hurry it up. I've got
to go. The original five spicy dames are
on the way.
FISHER
Not...
DEVLIN
Come on, you thought they made it on
talent?
JUDGE MORTON
According to my list, that's it for
witnesses Mr. Schwartz, correct?
MOE
Actually, I have two more.
JUDGE MORTON
Objections Mr. Fisher?
FISHER
Who are they?
MOE
The first is Oswald Manly. A used car
dealer.
DEVLIN
(in shock)
No, not that.
FISHER
What's wrong?
DEVLIN
You expect to trust him? Used car dealers
are like the devil. I object.
FISHER
Objection. No relevance.
JUDGE MORTON
Temporarily sustained. Next?
Moe motions to the Bailiff at the back of the room to open the
door.
MOE
I'd like to call Mr. Harry Pinsky.
The door opens and Harry, wearing a black cape and leaning on an
old wooden walking stick, enters the courtroom. Justin smiles at
Harry. He goes to the witness stand and is sworn in.
BAILIFF
Do you...
HARRY
Excuse me, but is that the new or old
testament?
BAILIFF
Old.
HARRY
Just checking.
BAILIFF
Do you swear to tell the truth?
HARRY
Certainly. Sometimes I even swear when I
tell the truth...to tell you the truth.
The bailiff returns to his seat. Moe approaches the witness
stand.
MOE
Harry, it is my understanding that you
own the Den Of Magic, correct?
HARRY
Yup.
MOE
Would you consider yourself an expert in
magic?
HARRY
Well, I know a thing or two. I've studied
and practiced it for quite some time.
MOE
How long would that be?
HARRY
Long. Years.
MOE
Approximately how long?
DEVLIN
This I've got to hear.
HARRY
Ah...since I was young.
MOE
How old are you now?
HARRY
Oh, I don't like to give my age.
JUDGE MORTON
May I remind you, you're in a court of
law.
HARRY
And I respect that. I've seen many a
court in my lifetime.
MOE
Age?
HARRY
Put down Sixty-two.
DEVLIN
Objection.
FISHER
That's my job.
DEVLIN
Then do it.
FISHER
You know otherwise?
JUDGE MORTON
Do you two have a consensus?
DEVLIN
I have socks older than him.
FISHER
Is that what I smell?
DEVLIN
Say it.
FISHER
Objection.
JUDGE MORTON
Proof?
(pause)
I'm waiting.
DEVLIN
Your honourable Honour. I have known this
man for many years, since we were wee
little kids and, I know that I am older
than sixty-two, so...
JUDGE MORTON
Excuse me but did I hear you correctly?
DEVLIN
Which part?
JUDGE MORTON
How old are you?
DEVLIN
Ah, well...
(pulls out wallet)
It says here thirty but I bought this
from some guy named Benny downtown. If I
were to really figure out my age I'd
be...ah, let's see...Anybody have a
Hebrew calendar?
JUDGE MORTON
Overruled.
DEVLIN
He's lying.
HARRY
I don't lie.
DEVLIN
What do you call it then?
HARRY
Are you finished playing this game?
JUDGE MORTON
This is no game, Mr. Pinsky. This is a
court of...
HARRY
I was talking to him. This is all a big
game to him. I don't even know what he's
doing here.
DEVLIN
Ah, Harry. Always trying to spoil my fun.
The kid wanted to settle this his way so
I figured, what the hey, why not humour
him.
JUDGE MORTON
Could we have some order in the court,
please?
DEVLIN
Order? Yeah, I'd like to order a couple
slices of Ray's pizza -- well done
please. Oh, and throw in a Diet Coke.
JUDGE MORTON
I'm really getting tired of your
outbursts. One more and I'll have to ask
you to leave.
DEVLIN
Who me? Come on, Judgy-Wudgy. I'm being
fair. Geez, if you don't like it here,
I'll get that TV judge, what's the name?
FISHER
Simon Cowell?
MOE
Are you serious?
DEVLIN
I was thinking more of that Judge Judy
dame.
JUDGE MORTON
Okay, that's it.
DEVLIN
I agree. You're out of here.
Devlin snaps his fingers and Judge Morton is replaced by JUDGE
JUDY, straight from her TV show.
JUDGE JUDY
What the?
DEVLIN
Hey babe.
JUDGE JUDY
What's going on here? Where are the
cameras, the lights?
DEVLIN
Judy, Judy, Judy. Have I got a case for
you.
JUDGE JUDY
Listen, Slick. In my courtroom I expect
some manners. Where's your respect for
the...
As suddenly as she appeared, Judge Judy is gone and Judge Morton
is back.
DEVLIN
Okay, Judge, I thought I'd give you a
reprieve. Just don't whine.
(stands)
Now, there are going to be a few changes
around here. First of all, I'm now
representing myself.
FISHER
I object.
DEVLIN
Oh great. Now you figure out how to do
it.
MOE
As I was saying, this is a case involving
a contract with a minor, which is
obviously against the law. If that
doesn't work, we will look at the lack of
consideration paid.
DEVLIN
Finished?
MOE
Those are two major items.
DEVLIN
Come on. Who are you kidding? That isn't
what this is all about now, is it?
MOE
Sure it is.
DEVLIN
Look, Schwartzy, you know that if that is
what you're here for, then let's pack up
and call it a day 'cause I've won.
(cell phone rings; he answers)
This better be good. I'm on a
roll...What, are you crazy, red curtains
with a black loveseat? Have you no taste?
Ditch the loveseat...Now, hold my calls.
(hangs up)
Where was I, Judgy?
JUDGE MORTON
You were telling us why you think you've
won the case that hasn't started.
DEVLIN
Right. Thanks. Okay, look, you're going
to argue that he's a minor and minors
can't enter into a contract, right?
MOE
Well...
DEVLIN
How was I to know that? I was at the
other end of a phone. Geez, it's one in
the a.m. when he's calling. Aren't all
kids asleep by then, dreaming away...
(looks at Justin)
or in his case talking to himself?
(Justin is shocked)
So, on that I'm innocent. The signature
part we'll deal with later.
MOE
But...
DEVLIN
I'm ahead of you. Next on your list is
the empty box. Yeah, okay, you can't
actually see something but, let me ask
this: Is Justin a better magician than
before he got the box?
(no answer)
I can't hear you.
MOE
Justin?
JUSTIN
(hesitant)
Yes.
DEVLIN
See, so he did get something. Maybe I
should have used a smaller box, or put in
some cockamame instructions but, listen,
staff cutbacks, tough to find good
help...you got the picture?
JUDGE MORTON
Are you finished?
DEVLIN
I think I've proven my case in your
mortal court.
MOE
May I say something?
DEVLIN
No objection from me.
(looks at Fisher)
Doubtful if he will, either.
MOE
I appreciate Mr. Devlin's speech, and he
did cover the basics. There is, however,
a greater issue, one which the court has
to consider.
DEVLIN
Issues, smishues. I know what he's
getting at.
JUDGE MORTON
(about to give up)
Great. Somebody fill me in.
DEVLIN
Do you know who I am?
HARRY
A pain in the...
FISHER
Got my vote.
JUDGE MORTON
Count me in.
DEVLIN
Throughout the ages I've been called many
a thing.
JUDGE MORTON
I bet.
DEVLIN
Wars have been started to stop me,
religions founded to hate me and to
worship me. Many a...
HARRY
Okay, okay. Enough already. Do us all a
favour and shut up.
JUDGE MORTON
First thing I've agreed with all day.
HARRY
He's the devil.
FISHER
You can say that again.
DEVLIN
That's Devlin. You know it was a typo.
HARRY
Again with that story?
JUDGE MORTON
Uh, you have proof of this?
HARRY
Mr. Devil...
DEVLIN
I'm warning you. I really hate that name.
HARRY
Devil, Devil, devil. What are you going
to do about it?
DEVLIN
How about this?
Devlin points his finger at Harry. Devlin's hand surges with a
spectrum of electrical power that sizzles out of his finger
towards Harry. Harry merely stares down the electrical charge,
which retreats to Devlin.
HARRY
As I was saying, Devil and I go back a
long way, to what some would say is the
beginning.
JUSTIN
You mean, you don't own the Den Of Magic?
HARRY
I do own it, but there's more.
JUSTIN
What about that hippie stuff?
HARRY
A slight deviation in life. I was bored,
thought I'd try a new way to shake things
up.
DEVLIN
Talk about beating around the burning
bush. Why don't you give the whole
picture?
JUDGE MORTON
Excuse me, both of you. This is all very
fascinating but let's get back to the
case at hand.
DEVLIN
Keep talking.
JUDGE MORTON
I believe that Mr. Schwartz has a point.
DEVLIN
Stop talking.
JUDGE MORTON
I have had enough of you.
DEVLIN
You'll be seeing lots of me later.
(pause)
Okay, so you want to call me the devil.
Big deal. What does that prove?
HARRY
It doesn't prove anything, but it gives
us a starting point.
DEVLIN
Look, a deal is a deal. Besides, this
isn't the place to discuss a problem
between the two of us.
HARRY
Just let him go.
DEVLIN
Oh, man, not that again. Let him go, let
her go. Let my people go. Boy you get a
lot of mileage out of that one. Hope you
got royalty rights.
MOE
Am I the only one confused here?
JUDGE MORTON
Got me.
HARRY
He's evading the issue.
DEVLIN
Here you go with that issue stuff again.
I told you, this isn't the place.
JUDGE MORTON
This is a court of law.
DEVLIN
Trust me, this is McDonald's compared to
the real thing.
JUDGE MORTON
We must reach a verdict.
DEVLIN
Not here, not now.
HARRY
(real angry)
Yes now.
DEVLIN
You want now?
JUDGE MORTON
I'm so confused.
DEVLIN
Inspire us with some more confidence,
Judge.
MOE
Oy.
DEVLIN
Okay, let's suppose -- and I'm only
supposing -- that I am the, ah, so-called
devil. Tell him who you are, Harry.
HARRY
Well, I, uh...
(to Justin)
You've heard of Houdini?
JUSTIN
(shocked)
No.
HARRY
Yes. Also a number of others. Lennon, for
instance.
MOE
The communist?
DEVLIN
Oy.
HARRY
No, no. The singer. Had a few hits in the
sixties? I wasn't kidding back then when
I said I was bigger than that
guy...what's his name?
DEVLIN
Who?
HARRY
You know, the long hair, robe, bare feet.
Walked around lecturing all the time...
(no answer)
The one who never bathed.
DEVLIN
Oh yeah, yeah. What was it? I can't
remember. Geez.
HARRY
Anyway, there were others throughout
history, all striving for peace,
happiness, the good in man.
(strikes a pose)
My most famous was Moses.
FISHER
You're Charlton Heston?
DEVLIN
You're an idiot.
JUDGE MORTON
I don't get it.
HARRY
Actually, it's all very simple.
Everything in life boils down to positive
and negative forces which, on a morality
level, we call "good" and "evil." I
represent the "good" while Devil there
represents the bad side.
DEVLIN
Hey, hey. It's not so bad, is it, Justin?
Haven't you had fun with what I gave you?
JUSTIN
Well no, not really.
DEVLIN
I saw you enjoy the attention, the
adulation. You could be a star.
JUSTIN
It's not worth the price.
HARRY
May I continue?
(no answer)
You see, everyone belongs on one side or
the other. It all happens early in life.
Me and Satan over there are really just
over-aged recruiters. We only go after
what are known in the business as the "in-
betweeners", the ones who are not good or
bad.
JUSTIN
Like me?
DEXTER
And me?
HARRY
No, not at all. You're on the good.
JUSTIN
Then why'd he recruit me?
HARRY
Theft.
DEVLIN
Wrongo, Mr. Houdonedit.
HARRY
He was mine.
DEXTER
What about me?
HARRY
(pointing to Devlin)
Talk to him.
DEXTER
No, please. I'll do anything.
HARRY
Lay off Justin.
DEVLIN
Ah, so you lost one. What's the big deal?
HARRY
I will not lose anyone. We have an
agreement.
DEVLIN
Too late.
HARRY
No it's not. We have to resolve this.
Now.
DEVLIN
Didn't you ever hear of finders-keepers?
HARRY
Only from your mouth. Now, give him back.
DEVLIN
No way.
HARRY
Yes way.
DEVLIN
You'll have to force me.
HARRY
I'll, I'll...I'll sue.
DEVLIN
Stand in line.
HARRY
There is a higher authority, you know.
DEVLIN
Oh, I don't think you'll bother him just
for this little thing.
HARRY
I will if I have to.
DEVLIN
Yeah, right.
HARRY
Don't tempt me.
DEVLIN
Chicken.
HARRY
Okay, that's it.
Harry raises his arms and spreads them wide. The courtroom
disappears and in its place is a solid flat sheet of rock.
Everyone is now seated on stone chairs. There is a podium at the
front with a throne-type chair beside it. Hovering over the
chair is the LORD himself, an electrically charged, etherial
proton/electron swirling cloud. Harry and Devlin are on opposite
sides of the podium.
HARRY (cont'd)
My Lord, you haven't aged a bit.
DEVLIN
Sucking up already?
LORD
Oy, not you two again.
HARRY
Again? It's been, what, a thousand years?
LORD
Not enough, when it comes to you guys.
DEVLIN
How's it hanging?
LORD
At my age that's all it does. Now, this
isn't about Trump, is it?
HARRY
No, no. He can have him.
DEVLIN
Oh, please, I insist. He's all yours.
LORD
Oy, I've got a headache already.
DEVLIN
How come he gets to choose the courtroom?
He got to the last time.
HARRY
I'll fight you anywhere.
LORD
Boys, boys. Who's in charge here?
DEVLIN
It's not fair. You two are ganging up on
me.
LORD
Geez, get a grip. See a shrink.
DEVLIN
I want my mommy.
LORD
Okay, okay. Any objections?
HARRY
Whatever.
DEVLIN
Good.
Devlin billows smoke from his fingertips and the room
metamorphosizes into:
Genres:
["Fantasy","Legal","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
34 -
The Soul Trial in Vegas
INT. LAS VEGAS NITECLUB/COURTROOM - DAY
It's a typically tacky Las Vegas niteclub stage. Lavish
decorations adorn the courtroom, lots of neon and excess,
supplemented by bright lights and numerous spot lights. The
judge's podium, empty, is floating rear centre stage. A full
band is stage-left with twelve singers in a "box" beside the
band. In a special seating area, in the shape of cozy seashells,
at the front of the stage are the plaintiffs and the defendants.
Justin's friends are in the next row behind, as is his father
Jeff.
From a booming loudspeaker:
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the Vegas Tower Plaza, where
tonight we present one of Las Vegas's
hottest shows, the...
HARRY
Okay, okay. Let's skip the formalities.
DEVLIN
Hey, this is my show. Continue.
ANNOUNCER
Straight from over five thousand years on
the same bench, let's give a big Vegas
welcome to, His Honour and Lord...Lord.
To thunderous applause, out walks BILLY CRYSTAL doing his
imitation of George Burns imitating God as a stand-up judge. He,
of course, is smoking a cigar.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Thank-you. Thanks everyone. Gee, it's
good to be back in Vegas. Look at you
people, all dressed up. Like a bunch of
penguins. Anybody tell you this is a
desert? Boy, it's been a while. I
remember the last time I was here a
couple thousand years ago I knocked up
some Jewish chick. You guys still haven't
stopped talking about it. Why...
DEVLIN
Excuse me.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Hey, I'm just warming up.
DEVLIN
Save it for the late show. We have a
tight schedule here.
BILLY CRYSTAL
May I remind you, I am the Lord.
DEVLIN
May I remind you that this is show
business. There's always someone waiting
for you to flop.
Instantly Billy appears behind the judge's desk.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Let's get the show on the road.
(pause)
By the way, what's with the shvartz?
MOE
(embarrassed)
That's Schwartz.
BILLY CRYSTAL
That's what I said, Shvartz. Must be the
accent.
(leafing through papers)
Let me see. This is the case of...Hey,
can we get a little music here? The
people paid good money.
The band starts to play, with the choir adding sweet harmonies,
etc.
BILLY CRYSTAL (cont'd)
(skimming his papers)
Okay, let's see. Justin buys...magic
powers...Devlin -- figures --
contract...life.
(finishes skimming)
Looks fine to me. Papers are all in
order.
(pounds gavel)
Open and shut case. Defence wins.
(looks at Justin)
No offence, but, go to hell.
The band plays victory music.
HARRY
Wait, wait, wait.
(Band stops.)
Hold on there.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Vat? What do you want? I've got a show at
midnight. I need my beauty sleep.
HARRY
You haven't heard the case.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Who is that speaking? I can't see through
the glare.
Harry steps forward as God squints to see.
BILLY CRYSTAL (cont'd)
My god, Moses, is that you?
HARRY
Uh, it's Harry now.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Harry? What kind of name is that? Moses
was such a strong name. Boy, I remember
you, such a cute kid, all bundled up
floating down the Nile. Oy, such a face.
You wanted to say something?
HARRY
That, that...thing over there...
BILLY CRYSTAL
Who, Devlinsky?
DEVLIN
Devlinsky? Okay, Devil, maybe.
BILLY CRYSTAL
It was Devlinsky but we shortened it when
we moved. Wanted to fit in with the
neighbours. Sorry about that typo,
though. Never liked Devil much.
HARRY
He has broken our agreement. He took one
of mine.
DEVLIN
You were neglecting him.
HARRY
I was nurturing him. It was none of your
business.
DEVLIN
He was falling through the cracks, going
"in-between."
HARRY
That still doesn't give you an option on
him.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Boys, boys. Enough of your bickering.
Can't you just resolve this in a friendly
way, maybe make a trade or something?
DEVLIN
I'm not trading with him again. He ripped
me off on that Hitler deal and now I'm
stuck with that demented nutcase.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Not one of my better creations, I admit
that much.
HARRY
(indicating Devlin)
Ahh, poor ol' Devlin. All tired out.
Let's give him a little pity. Let's face
it, he's weak.
DEVLIN
(all fired up)
Weak? Me? I have powers you never dreamed
of.
HARRY
Yeah, we all believe you.
DEVLIN
You've got nothin'.
HARRY
Oh yeah? Take a look at this.
Harry brings his wooden walking stick out from under the table
and holds it high in the air.
DEVLIN
That old thing? You're relying on that
again?
BILLY CRYSTAL
Hey, I gave that to him. What was it,
your one hundred and thirtieth birthday?
It was good wood. From Africa.
HARRY
Behold the power of the almighty.
Harry throws the stick on to the stage and it turns into a
snake. The audience oohs, ahhs, and applauds.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Oh yeah. I remember that one. Threw old
Pharaoh for a loop.
DEVLIN
A cheap effect if I ever saw one. Get a
load of this.
Devlin nods his head centre-stage. A ring of fire surrounds the
snake. More response from the audience.
HARRY
A little gasoline and a spark. Big deal.
Harry circles the fire. The snake leaps from the flames and
returns, as the walking stick, to Harry's hand. The fire dies
out.
DEVLIN
And that plague-stuff is so great? Man,
your act is getting stale.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Hey, he learned that from me. Take it
easy.
HARRY
I need a volunteer from the audience?
Harry turns to face the crowd. He squints from the light and
finally points at Cindi.
CINDI
Me?
HARRY
Please. Come up here.
Cindi walks up the stairs to the stage.
HARRY (cont'd)
And you are?
CINDI
You know who I am.
HARRY
(side whisper)
Come on, kid. Play along. This is a show.
CINDI
Uh, Cindi.
HARRY
Thanks for volunteering, Cindi. Could you
please lie down on the stage.
(she does)
Now, I promise you won't feel a thing.
DEVLIN
Yeah. I promised that to a few broads
myself. Boy, were they surprised.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Did I ever tell you about Theresa? She
was something.
DEVLIN
Mother Theresa?
BILLY CRYSTAL
Hey, hey. Cut me some slack. You think
I'm blind or something? I meant Theresa
from Little Italy. Boy, did she put out.
HARRY
Can I get on here?
(no response)
Thank you. Now watch closely. Cindi, I am
going to put you into a trance. You're
feeling sleepy.
Cindi's eyes close. As Harry raises his arms over her body, she
slowly floats above the stage, gradually gaining height. Harry
takes a hoop and demonstrates that there are no wires or other
supports.
DEVLIN
What is this, amateur night? I had my
students doing that for Lincoln at his
inauguration.
HARRY
Yeah, but not this.
As Harry moves his arms, Cindi's prone body starts to move in
circles and arcs, impossible if there were supports of any kind.
Tremendous applause from the audience. Slowly her body returns
to the stage.
HARRY (cont'd)
You can wake now, Cindi.
She opens her eyes, slowly rises, and goes back to her seat.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Oooo, he's good.
DEVLIN
Anything you can do, I can do better.
HARRY
Oh yeah?
DEVLIN
Let me get my volunteer.
Devlin snaps his fingers and Dexter appears next to him.
DEXTER
No, not me. I didn't have my hand up.
DEVLIN
Stop whining, Tubby. You wanted to be in
show business, now's your chance.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Not another magic trick? How about Wayne
Newton?
HARRY
Not on my list.
DEVLIN
Please. I'm going to have to listen to
him for eternity so give him a rest now.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Elton finish his Farewell Tour yet?
DEVLIN
May I continue?
BILLY CRYSTAL
Well, excuse me for speaking.
DEVLIN
Assistants?
Two typical assistants wheel out a large multi-coloured box on a
platform. It has a hole on the top and one on each side.
DEVLIN (cont'd)
How about some music.
BILLY CRYSTAL
How about Dino? I liked him.
HARRY
Gone.
BILLY CRYSTAL
The other guy with the one eye, what's
his name?
HARRY
Sammy?
BILLY CRYSTAL
Yeah, him. What a set of pipes.
HARRY
Gone too.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Hey, if you want, I do a good Sammy. I
used to sneak it in on Saturday Night
Live, back in the good ol' days.
(does a little Sammy Davis Jr.)
As the music begins, Devlin leads a reluctant Dexter to the box.
He opens a panel on the front of the box and gestures to Dexter
to get in. Dexter tries to but doesn't fit. There is laughter
from the audience.
DEXTER
Well, it looks like I don't fit in it.
You'll have to get someone smaller.
(starts to leave)
DEVLIN
Not so fast, Chunky. Let's see what we
can do here.
Devlin magically stretches the box and it enlarges.
DEVLIN (cont'd) (cont'd)
Try this one on for size.
He shoves Dexter in and closes the front panel. Dexter's arms
hang out the side and legs below. Devlin reaches into the air
and produces a sword. Light gleams off the razor-sharp blade.
DEVLIN (cont'd)
I'm sure there are lots of people out
there who can't wait for this.
DEXTER
Come on, Harry. Give in. So you lose one
to the other side. There are lots more.
DEVLIN
Did you know I invented the Veg-a-matic?
As I'll demonstrate now, I was always a
cut above the rest.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Stick to magic. Leave the comedy to me.
DEVLIN
(raises the sword to Dexter's
neck)
Behold.
DEXTER
Aren't you supposed to hypnotize me or
something?
DEVLIN
Relax, you won't feel a thing.
Devlin accidentally pokes Dexter with the sword.
DEXTER
Ow.
DEVLIN
Sorry. I'm a bit nervous.
DEXTER
Great.
With five sudden and swift arm movements, Devlin severs Dexter's
head, arms and legs. They fall to a heap on the stage. Dexter's
head rolls to Devlin's feet.
DEXTER (cont'd)
Hey, come on. This isn't funny.
DEVLIN
Shut up. It isn't over.
DEXTER
I promise I'll reform. No more Mr. Bully.
DEVLIN
Tell someone who cares.
BILLY CRYSTAL
How about Paul Anka?
(music changes)
"Put your head on my shoulder."
DEVLIN
Now, if I may continue.
Devlin tosses each of the limbs at the box and each one goes to
its correct position, except the head is on backwards. Devlin
doesn't seem to notice as he opens up the box to let Dexter out.
Dexter can't seem to get the hang of walking one way and facing
the other.
HARRY
Might want to work on that one a bit.
BILLY CRYSTAL
(holding up two cards)
I give that a 5.3 for style, but a 5 for
technical.
DEVLIN
Fix.
DEXTER
Somebody help me here.
DEVLIN
Oh, all right, but I'm only doing this to
preserve my reputation.
Devlin twists Dexter's head around. There are boos from the
audience.
DEVLIN (cont'd)
Nice piece of work, no?
Devlin produces a cigar and lights it.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Excuse me, but there will be no smoking
in the theatre.
DEVLIN
What about you?
BILLY CRYSTAL
When you're God, you can do what you
want. By the way, are those Cubans? I'd
die for a Cuban.
DEVLIN
(produces a contract)
Sign right here.
HARRY
Get a load of this.
Harry stomps his stick on the stage and the famous Houdini water
chamber appears.
DEVLIN
Man, not that one.
HARRY
You got a problem with it?
DEVLIN
It's old.
HARRY
Not to this generation. It hasn't been
done in years.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Is this where you part the waters 'cause
if it is I'm with Devlinsky. They got
that show at Universal.
DEVLIN
Boring.
HARRY
And yours was so great?
JEFF (O.S.)
Uh, excuse me.
DEVLIN
I really cut his head off.
HARRY
Big deal. I'm going to do this myself.
You used someone else.
Puts on a straight jacket.
DEVLIN
Martyr.
JEFF (O.S.)
I said, excuse me.
HARRY
Could somebody tighten this thing.
An assistant closes up the straight jacket and starts to attach
a chain around Harry.
DEVLIN
How long are you going to stay in there?
HARRY
Thirty minutes.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Good. It gives me time to sing one of my
songs. Hey, either one of you seen my
Gracie?
JEFF
(stands, shouting)
STOP.
Everyone on stage freezes.
HECKLER
Hey, down in front.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Do I know you from somewhere? You look a
bit like that kid, what's his name? It's
on the tip of my tongue...
DEVLIN
Oh, Jesus...
BILLY CRYSTAL
No, not him, but what a talker he was.
You two should have taken lessons from
him. What ever happened to him?
DEVLIN
Beats me.
HARRY
Last I heard he said something about
coming back later. I didn't quite catch
the date.
BILLY CRYSTAL
He was a bit...
(motions with finger to ear)
affected.
(to Jeff)
You were saying?
JEFF
You two are so caught up in some ancient
rivalry that you forgot why you're here.
BILLY CRYSTAL
How'd you get such good seats? A little
palm grease?
JEFF
My son Justin's future is at stake.
DEVLIN
Nonsense. His future here is fine.
JEFF
But not after his...his death.
DEVLIN
You know, I take that personally. I go to
great lengths to make everyone down there
feel welcome.
HARRY
(taking off straight jacket)
He's not going down there.
DEVLIN
I thought you were going to do the water
trick?
HARRY
The man's right. We've forgotten about
the boy.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Who's a goy?
HARRY
I said "boy." Pops, you got to see that
doctor.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Next thing I know, you'll tell me you
booked me a nice long holiday as you
check me into an old folks home.
DEVLIN
Look, a deal's a deal. He got what he
wanted and I got what I wanted. Sounds
fair to me.
Cindi comes up on the stage and puts her arm around Justin.
CINDI
Well, if you take him you'll have to take
me too.
DEVLIN
You're not even close to making my list.
You'll destroy the balance.
ANDREW
That goes for me too.
DEVLIN
Sorry, no can do.
MOE
Count me in.
JEFF
Ditto.
DEXTER
Okay, me too.
DEVLIN
What makes you think you were going
elsewhere?
DEXTER
Uh, maybe...
BILLY CRYSTAL
(looks up at Dexter)
I used to be tall like you, even taller,
but, you know, you lose a few inches as
you age. Something to look forward to.
HARRY
And your ears and nose get bigger.
DEVLIN
Look, this is all very generous of you
but rules are rules.
(MORE)
DEVLIN (cont'd)
(to Jeff)
Maybe if you were doing your job your kid
wouldn't be in the mess he's in.
JEFF
I did more than my job. I had to take
over his mother's too.
DEVLIN
Yeah, that's why every night he fought
with himself over this "power" stuff. You
know why? Because he was powerless. Tell
him, Justin.
JUSTIN
Well, I had nightmares, but, but...All I
wanted was something that I could do, to
show the others that I was a somebody.
Mom always thought I was.
JEFF
And so did I.
CINDI
So did we, didn't we guys?
ANDREW
You bet.
DEXTER
Actually, I picked on you because you
were the only one to give it back to me.
If I was in your shoes I would have run.
You don't need his power-crap. You have
more than you need.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Wow, this is intense. It's stirring up my
diabetes.
JUSTIN
I guess I just couldn't see what I had.
DEVLIN
Look, this is nice and heart-wrenching
but, he gave me his sssssoul.
JEFF
Actually I'm not sure he did. Tell him,
Moe.
Moe is flipping through some thick law books.
MOE
Let me just find it.
DEVLIN
You're questioning me? I think I just
might know a bit about soul...sorry,
that's sssssoul. Hit it sisters.
The choir starts singing a gospel number.
DEVLIN (cont'd)
(grooving...badly)
Now, this is sssssoul. Can't you feel it?
MOE
For an expert on soul, you sure have no
sense of rhythm.
BILLY CRYSTAL
You know I taught James Brown? Get down.
He does an arthritic twirl and buckles at the knees.
BILLY CRYSTAL (cont'd)
Oy, I think I'm stuck.
Harry goes to help him up.
BILLY CRYSTAL (cont'd)
Hey, back off. I'm not ready for the
home.
MOE
Ah, here it is.
DEVLIN
Here's what?
MOE
It's right here in the book. Section, uh,
seventeen, page 745. One of your first
cases.
DEVLIN
I don't recall...
HARRY
I do. It was Jacob the Pigfarmer.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Little Jake? He was a cute kid. And
smart? He landed in Canaan with not a
shekel in his pocket and next thing you
know, he's the biggest pig farmer in the
Middle East...Not that I was so happy he
was dealing in pork but, hey, he was
good.
DEVLIN
I lost on a technicality.
MOE
Not according to this. It says here that
the deal for one's soul must be
unconditional. In Jacob's case he was
never prepared to give it all away. It
was never in his heart.
HARRY
You never read him his rights.
DEVLIN
Yes, yes. I know. That's why I started
doing contracts. Never had a problem
since. You sign it, it's a deal.
MOE
But it still must be unconditional, from
both sides and, in Justin's case, it
wasn't.
DEVLIN
He wanted power and he got it.
HARRY
He always had it. You can't sell him
something he didn't need.
DEVLIN
That's what advertising is all about. Who
really needs the stuff they sell?
BILLY CRYSTAL
I was thinking of tightening my abs.
HARRY
I tried to tell you at the store, Justin.
You already have what you need in here.
(indicates his heart)
You just need to get over what's up here.
(indicates his head)
JEFF
And you know, son, if you ever have
trouble getting to your heart you can
always rely on us.
CINDI
All of us.
BILLY CRYSTAL
This is getting a bit shmaltzy, don't you
think?
DEVLIN
You won't see me shedding a tear. I've
got a contract.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Let me see that.
(Devlin hands it to him)
Hmmm, hmmm. Oooooo. Oooooo.
HARRY
What?
DEVLIN
What?
BILLY CRYSTAL
Nothing. I just like to do that. One of
my personal sound effects.
(flips through contract)
I declare this agreement null and void.
(rips it up)
DEVLIN
You can't do that. We had a deal.
HARRY
"Had" is correct.
DEVLIN
But he signed it with his blood.
BILLY CRYSTAL
(dropping contract like a hot
potato)
Blood? What, are you crazy? Haven't you
heard of Aids?
DEVLIN
I wore gloves.
HARRY
I think that about wraps up this case.
DEVLIN
(to Justin)
You could have been a contender.
BILLY CRYSTAL
That's "contenda." Didn't you see the
movie?
DEVLIN
Whatever. We would have made a formidable
team.
JUSTIN
Sorry. I like to be on the winning side.
DEVLIN
And as for you, Moses, or Harry, or
whatever you go by, keep an eye on your
(MORE)
DEVLIN (cont'd)
flock. I'll be watching for some of your
stray sheep.
HARRY
I'm sure. You already started one
epidemic with a sheep.
BILLY CRYSTAL
What ever happened to Jacob the
Pigfarmer? He never calls, never writes.
Devlin's cellphone rings. He answers it.
DEVLIN
Hello...Who arrived?...I don't think
so...Yeah, yeah. I'm on my way.
(hangs up)
Man, this guy just won't give up.
HARRY
Who?
DEVLIN
This Gates guy. He wants to partner with
me. Something about using my network.
What a putz.
(pause)
Okay, I'm out of here. Have to redraft my
contracts. Justin, it's been a blast.
Harry, I'll see you at the convention in
Florida next month. You'll be there too,
Pops.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Yeah, sure. You think I'll fall for that?
Once you get me there you'll never let me
leave. Besides, I don't look good in
white pants.
And with that there is a cloud of smoke and Devlin is gone.
Another flash and the courtroom is back to its original form.
Jeff puts one arm around Justin and shakes Moe's hand with the
other.
JEFF
That was good work there, Moe.
MOE
I couldn't have done it without Harry.
HARRY
Me? No, it wasn't me. It was all Justin.
Devlin never stood a chance.
JUSTIN
Could have fooled me.
CINDI
Ah, Justin, let me see something.
(hands him a quarter)
Try it.
Justin takes the quarter and places it on his knuckles. After a
brief false start, he manages to roll it.
HARRY
See, all it takes is a little heart. It
was all up here.
(points to head; hands him a
deck of cards)
Ask me to pick one.
JUSTIN
Pick one.
HARRY
(picks a card)
What is it?
JUSTIN
(thinks)
I don't know.
JEFF
(happy)
That's my boy.
Genres:
["Fantasy","Comedy","Legal Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
35 -
The Meltdown and the Ace
INT. JUSTIN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
An intense thunderstorm rages outside. There is a loud crack of
thunder and Justin awakens.
JUSTIN
Not again.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
I'm ba-ack.
JUSTIN
No you're not. You don't exist.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Could have fooled me.
JUSTIN
I won, fair and square. Now, get lost.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Are you...are you
(starts to fade out)
My god, what's happening?
JUSTIN
(defiant)
Should have run when you could.
POSSESSED JUSTIN
Ah, Dorthy. I'm mellllltttttiiiinnnngggg.
And with that the Possessed Justin fades into oblivion. A
satisfied and beamingly proud Justin takes the deck of cards
from beside his bed, shuffles them a bit, and then tosses them
into the air. As they fall he reaches out and plucks four cards
from the air. He turns them towards himself, we see the four
aces and:
FREEZE FRAME.
ROLL CREDITS.
Cue in Billy Joel's "It's All About Soul."
With Justin frozen holding the four aces, the room goes black
except for a small computer screen in the corner of the frame.
It crackles to life and we see Devlin on it. He is relaxing on a
beach somewhere.
DEVLIN
Have you ever wanted it all? I mean, look
at this. Can you believe I'm working for
a living? This could be you, too. All it
requires is a little elbow grease, and a
lot of sssssoul.
The screen goes staticky, Devlin fades out and Billy Crystal as
George Burns as God appears.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Sorry to interrupt that putz but, well, I
never got a chance to do one of my tunes.
Hit it, Charles.
God sings an old George Burns standard. The credits continue.
THE END.