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Scene 1 -  Nighttime Hunting Trip Preparations: Bill and Ted's Montana Boar Hunt
EXT. MONTANA RIVER - NIGHT

SUPER: SEPTEMBER 2005

Music: 'Run to the Hills' by Iron Maiden.

A Zodiac inflatable comes to rest on a riverbank near a
stand of slim, white-barked trees. The pale trunks sway
gently in the wind as the boat's pilot reaches down to turn
off the music and ditch his headphones.

Dressed in dark tactical gear and wearing night-vision
goggles, Two men leap from the raft and pull it onto the
rocky shore. BILL and TED lift their visors and reach into
the boat for their firearms. Preparing to lock and load, the
shadowy figures begin a military-style weapons check.

BILL
Is this another National Park?

TED
Nah. It's weird. The Crow and
Blackfeet own this strip of land,
but they don't ever seem to use it.

BILL
Tribal land? Maybe there's nothing
here worth shooting, like our
infamous Bigfoot expedition.

TED
That's just it, this place is a
certified honey-hole. I rode by on
the boat last week, spotted a
couple monster bucks. Trophy racks.
Not to mention the wild boar. I'm
telling you, that thing was HUGE.

BILL
Yeah, but is this legal? My elk and
mule deer tags are already full.

TED
Well, not technically. That's why
we brought these babies.

Raises the suppressed semi-automatic rifle.

TED (CONT'D)
Nice and quiet.

BILL
Oh, come on. Fish and Game will
tear us a new asshole.
2.


TED
No they won't. This place NEEDS
population control. Those wild pigs
aren't native to Montana, the
settlers brought 'em here.

Ted finishes loading the magazine of his AR-15. He rams it
home and racks a round.

TED (CONT'D)
These days they're considered a
nuisance, so destructive that
Wildlife Management PAYS people to
take them out. Besides, you like
bacon, don't you?

BILL
Naw, man. I don't eat pork.

TED
Are you Jewish?

BILL
I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on
swine, that's all.

TED
Whatever, more pork chops for me.
Now if you don't mind, I've got a
freezer to fill and an empty spot
over the mantle.

BILL
Great. So now I'm a poacher?

TED
No. Right now, you're a pussy.
We're not whacking rhinos. Come on
and keep it down, Puss-in-Boots.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Bill and Ted, old friends and hunting partners, arrive at a Montana riverbank in September 2005 to hunt wild boars. Bill, the more cautious of the two, has doubts about the legality of their hunt, while Ted, more reckless, is focused on filling his freezer and getting a trophy. The tense and suspenseful scene shows the men checking their weapons and discussing their plans, with the riverbank, Zodiac boat, and white-barked trees as visual elements.
Strengths
  • Establishing tone and setting
  • Introducing conflict and high stakes
  • Creating distinct characters
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be tightened
  • Character development could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tone, introduces conflict, and establishes the characters' motivations, but could benefit from tighter dialogue and more nuanced character development.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a nighttime hunting expedition on tribal land with illegal motives is intriguing and sets the stage for potential conflict and moral dilemmas.

Plot: 8

The plot introduces the main conflict of illegal hunting on tribal land and sets up potential consequences for the characters' actions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of hunting and population control, exploring the ethical complexities of the characters' actions. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue and conflicting beliefs adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Bill and Ted are distinct and their dynamic adds depth to the scene, but could benefit from further development to enhance their motivations and relationships.

Character Changes: 6

While there are hints of potential character growth and change, it is not fully realized in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile his personal beliefs and values with the actions he is about to take. Bill struggles with the moral implications of hunting on tribal land and the ethical considerations of population control.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully hunt wild pigs on the tribal land without getting caught by authorities. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of navigating legal and ethical boundaries while pursuing the hunt.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters' motivations and the potential consequences of their actions creates tension and sets up a high-stakes situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations driving the conflict between the characters. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will resolve their differences.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of illegal hunting on tribal land and the potential consequences for the characters add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the main conflict and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the uncertain outcome of their actions. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical considerations of hunting on tribal land and the justification of population control. Bill's reluctance to participate in the hunt due to personal beliefs clashes with Ted's pragmatic approach to the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene lacks strong emotional resonance but sets up potential emotional conflicts and dilemmas for the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' personalities and sets up the conflict, but some lines could be tightened for more impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue and conflicting motivations of the characters. The tension and moral ambiguity keep the audience invested in the outcome of the hunt.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' decisions and motivations. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The use of music cues and visual details enhances the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively sets up the conflict and tension between the characters. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense.


Critique
  • The music in the opening scene can feel like an unnecessary addition and might be better removed, as it doesn't add much to the scene and could be seen as a bit cliche.
  • The dialogue between Bill and Ted can come across as a bit stiff and unnatural. It could benefit from being more concise, and the characters could be given more distinct voices.
  • The scene doesn't provide much in terms of establishing the setting or the characters' motivations. It could benefit from a stronger sense of place and a clearer understanding of why the characters are there and what they hope to achieve.
Suggestions
  • Consider removing the music from the opening scene.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and give the characters more distinct voices.
  • Add more details to the setting to create a stronger sense of place.
  • Consider adding a brief moment where the characters discuss their motivations for being there and what they hope to achieve.



Scene 2 -  Deadly Encounter in the Aspen Grove
EXT. ASPEN GROVE - MOMENTS LATER

The armed men silently approach the edge of the aspen forest
when Bill trips over something in the fallen leaves.

BILL
Ow. Dammit. Wait, what is that?

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a rabbit's foot
keychain with a tiny flashlight. The weak beam flickers on.

BILL (CONT'D)
Oh wow. No shit. This is cool.
3.


Bill leans his gun against a tree and picks up the object.

TED
What'd you find?

BILL
Looks like some kind of old
flintlock rifle or something.

Bill hands his partner a crumbling stock holding a rusted
gun barrel and firing mechanism, both crusted and fused with
age. Ted puts down his weapon to examine the artifact.

TED
Man, this thing's an antique. I
mean ANCIENT. Like, pre-Civil War.

The keychain's light dims and blinks out. Ted is slightly
irritated yet captivated by the unexpected find.

TED (CONT'D)
Grab a light stick, I want to get a
better look at this.

A pale blue illumination lights the immediate surroundings
as Ted inspects the remains of the antique gun.

TED (CONT'D)
That's better.

Bill finishes tying his shoe, stands and hikes up his pants.

BILL
Huh? I didn't bring the light
sticks. Left them back in the boat

In the inky darkness behind the men, two narrowed, glowing
eyes blink fully open like a pair of blue-white coals,
bathing the area in an eerie, ethereal light.

A deep, menacing growl paralyzes the men as the fiery orbs
rise 10 feet into the air. As Bill wets himself, Ted moves
to reclaim his gun. He whirls around and locates his target.

TED
Oh shit.

Ted drops the gun and goes limp. His eyes roll back in his
head and his skin shrivels tight to his skull as he is
brutally eviscerated by a set of wicked, bearlike claws.

TITLE CARD - ASPEN GROVE
4.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Bill and Ted, two armed men, stumble upon an ancient flintlock rifle in an aspen grove, only to be confronted by a mysterious and menacing creature with glowing eyes. One man is brutally killed, causing the other to wet himself in fear. The scene ends with the remaining man in fear for his life.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Shocking twist
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable setup

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and delivers a shocking twist with a high level of suspense and horror.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a supernatural predator lurking in the forest during a hunting trip is unique and adds a thrilling element to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a surprising turn with the introduction of the unseen predator, leading to a dramatic and impactful moment.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the discovery of ancient artifacts in a dark and dangerous setting, with authentic character reactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react realistically to the terrifying situation, showcasing fear and vulnerability.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo a significant change in their perception of the situation as they face a life-threatening danger.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to explore and discover the ancient artifact, reflecting his curiosity and sense of adventure.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the strange noise and potential threat in the grove, reflecting his survival instincts and sense of danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters and the unseen predator creates a high level of tension and danger.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with a sudden and deadly threat that challenges the characters' survival instincts.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of life and death add intensity to the scene and increase the sense of danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new threat and raising the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of the mysterious threat and the shocking outcome for the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between curiosity and fear. The protagonist's desire to explore and discover conflicts with the looming danger and unknown threat in the grove.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear and shock in the audience, leaving a lasting impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' fear and shock in the face of danger.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, unexpected twists, and dramatic action.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic and shocking moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear action lines and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful and action-packed sequence, building tension and leading to a dramatic climax.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene is weak and clichéd. It's full of exposition and doesn't do much to develop the characters or advance the plot.
  • The action is too sudden and confusing. It's hard to tell what's going on and who's doing what.
  • The scene is too short and doesn't give the reader enough time to get invested in the characters or the situation.
  • The overall tone of the scene is too dark and depressing. It would be helpful to add some light and humor to break up the tension.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging.
  • Add more detail to the action to make it easier to understand.
  • Expand the scene to give the reader more time to get to know the characters and the situation.
  • Add some light and humor to the scene to break up the tension.



Scene 3 -  Captured by the Crow Warriors
EXT. MONTANA WILDERNESS - TWILIGHT

SUPER: SEPTEMBER 1845

Fur trapper GEOFF (35, bearded, dirty) moves through the
snowy, mountainous forest. A MUTT keeps pace at a distance.
Desperate and exhausted, he takes cover behind a tree and
studies his crude map, cursing. Evening descends into a
chorus of wolf howls, one very close. Tail wagging, the
scruffy dog barks and takes off.

GEOFF
Are you kidding? Good, get out of
here, you mongrel! Hope that wolf
fucks you in the ass.

The man spits tobacco juice at the departing Mutt.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
I should have killed you when I had
the chance. When this is over, as
God is my witness, I am going to
skin you alive and eat you.

The darkness closes in and the cold intensifies. Wary of
giving away his position, he employs a flint and striker to
ignite a small fire. The spark illuminates two silhouetted
figures who have been silently watching.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Oh shit.

Bows at full draw, a pair of Crow warriors (late teens) step
forward with arrows pointed at Geoff's chest. A powerful
hand reaches from behind the tree trunk, wrapping around the
trapper's face to cover his eyes while the other holds a
Bowie knife tight to Geoff's throat. SPOTTED WOLF (40, grim,
angular face) emerges from behind the tree and takes the
trapper's rifle.

Teens LAUGHING BIRD and KICKING BIRD gather the captive's
belongings and hand them to RED WOLF (60, weathered face,
kind eyes). At his feet sits the Mutt, contentedly licking
himself. The curious chief inspects Geoff's pistol before
addressing his wary son in their native tongue.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
You remember Kansas Man, yes?

Blindfolded and hands tied, Geoff sits weeping in a puddle
of urine, reciting the Lord's Prayer over and over.
5.


SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Grandmother liked him.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
He spoke this language. Tried to
teach us, before the bear. Your
mother understands it better than I
do, but I believe this unfortunate
fellow is asking for help from the
Man in the Sky.
(sniffs)
Probably for some clean britches.

The teenaged Crow twins chuckle.

LAUGHING BIRD
(Crow)
What should we do with him? He
smells like a skunk.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Like a skunk?

KICKING BIRD
(Crow)
Worse than a skunk.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Smells like one of those pigs that
digs up our fields. Far as I'm
concerned, he's no better than the
swine he feeds on.

LAUGHING BIRD
(Crow)
Yeah, they should go back where
they came from, right father?

KICKING BIRD
(Crow)
And take your smelly pigs with you,
this is OUR land!

LAUGHING BIRD
(Crow)
Did he really shit himself?

KICKING BIRD
(Crow)
Hahaha! Here, piggy, piggy.
6.


SPOTTED WOLF
(to boys in Crow)
Stop that.
(to Red Wolf)
I don't like this. He is a filthy
animal, and that is fresh blood.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
He's injured, yes? Why is he alone?
Where is the rest of his party?

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Double-crossed and dead, that's
where. You know how they are.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
One thing's for sure, he isn't
equipped for hunting up here.

Spotted Wolf takes the satchel from his father and rummages
inside. He finds a beaver trap and throws it to the ground.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Beaver? Up here? He's been hunting,
all right. We should cut his throat
and leave him for the wolves.

Red Wolf gives his son a stern look.

SPOTTED WOLF (CONT'D)
(Crow)
And what's he doing with a
Blackfoot dog? We should stay out
of it and keep moving, Dad. Who
cares if he lives or dies? They are
all beasts, this one is no
different. He will end up dead, or
worse. Send him to join his
brothers in the White Woods.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
If he's like the others we can give
him back to the wolves.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
I would rather just gut him and
leave him for the Blackfeet.
7.


Red Wolf motions to three crouching figures huddled yards
away, who dash over to gather around the Crow elder. One is
lithe and five feet tall, the other two barely taller than
her grandfather's waist, peeking out from fur and buckskin.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Is that what you're teaching my
grandchildren? To kill strangers?
The Great Spirit would not approve.
Grandmother would be disappointed
in you.
(to children)
Your father fears the white
people's presence in our land.
He would do violence to this man.
My mother taught me that fear
causes hatred, and hatred poisons
the heart.

The three younger CROW CHILDREN nod their heads.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
(Crow)
She would say: 'Let every person be
quick to hear, slow to speak, slow
to anger; For the anger of man does
not please the Great Spirit'.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Tell that to the Blackfeet.

RED WOLF
(To son in Crow)
We are Crow, not Blackfoot. Still,
they are our brothers.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Brothers? The Blackfeet wage war
whenever they are able.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
The Great Spirit demands that we
love and keep our brothers, even if
they are quick to anger and
especially when they are hungry for
war.
(to CROW CHILDREN)
What did I teach you about war?
8.


TALLEST CROW CHILD
(uncertainly in Crow)
War is not the answer?

RED WOLF
(Crow)
That's right. And what else?

TALLEST CROW CHILD
(stammers in Crow)
Bless--
I mean, Blessed are the
peacemakers!

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Very good.
(To son)
No, killing wounded strangers is
not the Crow way. Not MY way.

LAUGHING BIRD waves his hand in front of his face.

LAUGHING BIRD
(Crow)
Even one that smells like a skunk?

KICKING BIRD
(Crow)
Worse.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Grandmother would have spared him.

SPOTTED WOLF
(bitterly in Crow)
Look where that got her.

Concerned, Red Wolf pulls his son aside.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
I know your feelings about our
white visitors, yes? We all feel
your loss, the children's loss.

The younger man sighs heavily as father and son embrace.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
(Crow)
I know you miss her. We all do.
(MORE)
9.


RED WOLF (CONT'D)
You still mourn, yes? Your family
mourns with you, Son. I also know
you take after your mother.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Yes. You should listen to her.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
And YOU should honor your father
and be slow to speak. Now, no more
talk of the White Woods around the
children, yes? It will give them
nightmares.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Yes, Father. As you wish.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Let's get home and talk to Mother.

The pair rejoins the group as the twins help their captive
to his feet. Bound and blindfolded, Geoff suddenly takes off
and runs away in an instinctual act of self-preservation. He
runs headfirst into the closest tree and thuds heavily to
the ground. The teenaged warriors double over in laughter.
Dazed, Geoff sits up with a lump rising on his forehead. He
raises his bound hands and pleads in broken Crow dialect:

GEOFF
(sobs in Crow)
Please spare my life, oh noble
Crow! Take my belongings, but spare
my life! I only wish to return to
civilization and never come back to
this godless wilderness.

The dog ambles over, lifts a leg and pees on the begging
trapper. The surprised hunting party laughs, except for
Spotted Wolf, who gives his father a knowing look.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Mother is NOT going to like this.
You know how she feels about you
bringing home white people.
10.
Genres: ["Historical Fiction","Drama","Adventure"]

Summary Fur trapper Geoff is captured by a group of Crow warriors led by Red Wolf in the Montana wilderness. Despite initial hostility, the group decides to spare Geoff's life, much to his relief. However, Red Wolf's son, Spotted Wolf, expresses disapproval, creating tension within the group.
Strengths
  • Rich historical detail
  • Complex characters
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Tension and emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some lack of clarity in the plot
  • Character changes could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is rich in detail, tension, and emotional depth, with a mix of serious and humorous moments that keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of cultural conflict, moral choices, and family dynamics is well-developed and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions, but it could benefit from more clarity and focus.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the clash of cultures and survival in the wilderness, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and time period.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with complex motivations and relationships that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of character growth and change, it could be further developed to have a more profound impact on the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is survival and escape, reflecting his fear of the unknown and desire to return to civilization.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to navigate the dangerous wilderness and avoid capture by the Crow warriors.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the fur trapper and the Crow warriors, as well as the internal conflicts within the Crow group, create a high level of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and goals creating a sense of uncertainty and danger for the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the fur trapper, as his life hangs in the balance, and for the Crow warriors, as they navigate moral dilemmas and cultural clashes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and moral choices faced by the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the Crow tribe's values of compassion and peace, and the harsh reality of survival in the wilderness. This challenges Geoff's worldview and actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, with moments of fear, compassion, and humor that resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is authentic to the historical setting and the characters, adding depth and tension to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense conflict, moral dilemmas, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense leading to a climactic moment of decision.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and follows the expected format for a dramatic, character-driven scene in a historical setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and conflict, leading to a climactic moment of decision for the characters.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with vivid descriptions and realistic dialogue that captures the characters' personalities and cultural differences.
  • The pacing is good, and the tension builds up as the scene progresses.
  • The use of Crow dialect adds authenticity to the scene, but it might be challenging for non-native speakers to follow.
  • The scene could benefit from more context about the protagonist's backstory and motivations. It's not clear why he's alone in the wilderness or what he's running from.
  • The scene's focus on cultural differences and moral dilemmas is intriguing, but it could be more impactful if it were connected to the overall story arc.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief introduction or flashback to provide more context about the protagonist's backstory and motivations.
  • Consider clarifying the connection between the protagonist's predicament and the overall story arc.
  • Consider simplifying or translating the Crow dialect to make it more accessible to non-native speakers.
  • Consider expanding on the themes of cultural differences and moral dilemmas to make them more impactful and thought-provoking.
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene to make it more immersive and engaging.



Scene 4 -  Little Owl's Lessons: Patience and Longing
EXT. CROW ENCAMPMENT - THE NEXT DAY

Colorful teepees line the bank of a flowing river. Canoes
rest on shore, horses graze in a nearby meadow. A young
woman scrapes deer hides as children play fight with sticks.

A teenaged Crow girl carries a basket of black currants. She
is greeted by her aunt who pops one into her mouth. LITTLE
OWL (50, sharp features) sits teaching 2 of her young
granddaughters the art of drying fish as the tribe prepares
for the return of the hunting party.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
I taught this to your brothers too,
when they were your age.

The older woman calls to the teen girl carrying berries.

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
(Crow)
Well done! Now run and fetch some
water, dear. Your brothers and
sister should be back any minute
now. They will be thirsty.

The Crow grandmother returns to her pupils.

CROW GIRL 1
(Crow)
Next time, can I go hunting with
Papa and grandfather?

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
We'll see.

CROW GIRL 2
(Crow)
When can we go with them?

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
You must be patient, little ones.

CROW GIRL 1
(Crow)
Papa will never take us.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
When it is time and you are old
enough, I will take you myself.
11.


Little Owl leans in and speaks warmly to her granddaughters.

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
(Crow)
You two are lucky. My father was
not like yours. When I was a child,
girls were not permitted to
accompany the men on a hunt. We
stayed at camp, no exceptions.

The Crow woman adjusts the blade in the child's hand,
flipping her own knife nimbly to help her granddaughter
remove the fins from a fish.

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
(Crow)
It didn't matter that I was faster
than my brothers, or a better shot.
That's the way things used to be.
That didn't stop me, though.

With a bittersweet smile, Little Owl pauses her work to
address the youngsters.

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
(Crow)
It didn't stop your mother, either.
If you're strong and brave like
her, nothing can stop you.

Looking up, Little Owl asks the teenaged girl:

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
(Crow)
You remember YOUR first time, yes?

CROW TEENAGER
(Crow)
I do. A ram. Papa was so proud.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
We all were, your Grandfather and
I. Especially your mother.

CROW GIRL 2
(Crow)
When is she coming back?

Grandmother strokes the child's concerned face.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
I don't know child, hopefully soon.
12.


CROW GIRL 1
(Crow)
Daddy cries after he puts us to
bed. He misses her.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
We all do. I cry too, don't you?

CROW GIRL 1
(Crow)
Sometimes.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
It's okay to cry, little one. I
know how it feels.

CROW GIRL 2
(Crow)
Grandfather says she could come
back any day now, so don't cry.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary The scene is set at a Crow encampment where women and children prepare for the hunting party's return. Little Owl, a 50-year-old Crow woman, teaches her granddaughters about drying fish and shares her experiences as a girl growing up in the tribe. The girls express their sadness about their mother's absence and their desire to go hunting with their father and grandfather. Little Owl reassures them, sharing her own experiences of longing and patience.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Cultural richness
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot advancement
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of cultural heritage, family bonds, and the resilience of the characters, creating a poignant and emotionally resonant atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of intergenerational teachings and the role of women in the tribe are central themes that are explored with depth and sensitivity.

Plot: 7

While the plot does not advance significantly in terms of action, it provides essential background information and emotional depth to the characters and setting.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on traditional gender roles within a Native American tribe, highlighting the importance of empowerment and resilience.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and relationships that drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character arcs in this scene, the emotional depth and vulnerability displayed by the characters hint at potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to empower and inspire her granddaughters to defy traditional gender roles and pursue their dreams despite societal expectations.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prepare the tribe for the return of the hunting party and ensure the well-being of her family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' longing for a missing family member rather than external action.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but impactful, as the characters navigate societal expectations and personal desires.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are more emotional and personal, focusing on the characters' longing for their missing family member rather than immediate physical danger.

Story Forward: 5

The scene provides important background information and emotional depth but does not significantly advance the main plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the emotional revelations and the characters' internal struggles, adding depth to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between traditional gender roles and the protagonist's belief in empowering her granddaughters to break free from those constraints.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of nostalgia, hope, and empathy for the characters' struggles and longing for their absent family member.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is authentic, culturally rich, and reveals the characters' values and emotions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the cultural richness of the setting, and the underlying tension between tradition and empowerment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for meaningful character interactions and development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the interactions and dynamics within the Crow encampment.


Critique
  • While the scene has potential, it lacks a clear conflict and dramatic tension. The dialogue primarily focuses on mundane tasks and reminiscing, without advancing the plot or developing character arcs.
  • The scene is overly reliant on narration by Little Owl, which can be repetitive and less engaging than showing the events through action and dialogue. Consider using more dynamic storytelling techniques to convey the information.
  • The characters of the Crow girls lack depth and individuality. They mainly serve as vessels for exposition and do not contribute significantly to the scene.
  • The reference to the missing mother is not sufficiently developed to create emotional resonance with the audience. Explore her absence and its impact on the family more thoroughly to elicit empathy.
  • Little Owl's promise to take the girls hunting in the future feels like an afterthought and lacks emotional weight. Consider integrating it more organically into the conversation or using it as a pivotal moment in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a conflict or obstacle that the characters must confront, such as a threat to the encampment or a disagreement within the family.
  • Create more dynamic dialogue by having characters express their emotions, share their perspectives, and engage in meaningful conversations.
  • Develop the Crow girls as individuals with unique personalities and motivations. Give them active roles in the scene and explore their relationship with Little Owl.
  • Expand on the storyline of the missing mother by revealing more details about her departure and its impact on the family. Use flashbacks or other techniques to connect the audience emotionally to her absence.
  • Consider reframing Little Owl's promise to take the girls hunting as a turning point in the scene. Have her make this promise in a moment of significance or use it to foreshadow future events.



Scene 5 -  The Crow Tribe's Unexpected Guest: A White Man Named Geoff
EXT. CROW ENCAMPMENT - MOMENTS LATER

Spotted Wolf emerges from the underbrush carrying the
trapper's rifle and satchel. He is followed by his twin
sons, who are guiding a stumbling, blindfolded Geoff.

Three Crow children (two boys and a girl) exit the forest
carrying a butchered animal. Each of them proudly sports a
ceremonial streak of dried blood across the nose.

Red Wolf brings up the rear, wearing the white fleece and
black-horned skull of a mountain goat like a cape. Mutt
keeps pace. A whoop goes up from the camp as everyone
hurries to greet the returning family members.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Honey, I'm home!

Shaking her head, his wife approaches and looks at Geoff.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
Don't 'Honey' me. Another one? He
smells worse than the last!

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Yes, he is a wretched thing. He
speaks like Kansas Man.
13.


LAUGHING BIRD
(Smirking in Crow)
Yeah, before the bear.

KICKING BIRD
(Laughing in Crow)
Before the bear!

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Quiet, you two.

Spotted Wolf whispers to Little Owl.

SPOTTED WOLF (CONT'D)
(Crow)
I think he understands our words.

The Crow woman instructs her teenaged grandsons.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
You boys get him cleaned up, but
keep his hands tied.

Little Owl turns and calmly instructs her son:

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
(Crow)
Feed him to the bears.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Right away, Mother.

GEOFF
(Crow)
No! Please don't feed me to the
bears! I am harmless. Show mercy.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
So, you understand me.
(English)
Do you speak English?

GEOFF
Yes! I am a trapper and friend of
the Crow. I am wounded and hungry.
Please, let me stay the night and I
will be on my way in the morning.

Geoff bursts into sobs, his pleading unintelligible. The
Crow woman rolls her eyes and pulls down his blindfold.
14.


LITTLE OWL
Enough, enough. You may stay for
one night. Do you understand?

The pathetic Geoff nods and wipes his tears.

GEOFF
(Sniffle)
God bless you, sister.

Little Owl waves her hand in front of her face, indicating
his terrible smell. She points him to the river.

LITTLE OWL
Now go wash yourself before your
stink makes ME cry as well.

Spotted Wolf smiles.

SPOTTED WOLF
(To boys in Crow)
Take the piggy to wash itself.

Grinning, Laughing Bird and Kicking Bird take Geoff by the
elbows and lead him to the river as Spotted Wolf embraces
his mother.

SPOTTED WOLF (CONT'D)
(Crow)
I told him not to.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
He can't help it. He keeps hoping.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
I love you Mom, but I can't hope
anymore. She's gone, and I can't
lie to the children forever.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
I know. They will understand in
time. Until then, let them believe.
That reminds me, I need you to do
your 'Mean Old Mom' a favor, okay?

SPOTTED WOLF
(Tenderly in Crow)
Anything, you know that.
15.


LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
Something the babies said. We can
talk about it later, though.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Of course. Let me get unpacked. The
boys can watch Piggy Man.

The warrior kisses his mother's cheek and turns to leave.

SPOTTED WOLF (CONT'D)
(To Red Wolf in Crow)
What do you want to do with that
dog, Dad? I think he likes you.

The patriarch kneels to give Mutt a playful scratch.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
I don't know.
What do you think, Mother?
(To Mutt in English)
White man should be grateful, yes?
Your barking saved his life.
Brave. Good tracker.
(Stands up)
Had a good teacher, yes? You are a
most welcome guest, my Blackfoot
brother. Besides, you smell better
than your Master. I think I'll call
you-- Lifesaver.

LITTLE OWL
Now we have 2 extra mouths to feed.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Good thing we brought home plenty
of meat. We'll get settled, and let
our guest prepare for supper.

Little Owl nods, embracing her husband.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
The babies want to hunt.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
It is almost time. Soon.
16.


LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
Can we take them next time?

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Take them. Why not? It's your turn.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
Wonderful.

Lifesaver scampers off with a yelp toward a cluster of
children. The Crow chief wraps the goatskin around his
wife's shoulders.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
If your son agrees. Which he will.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
Let me go find him.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
You two always had better luck with
elk, anyway.

His wife smiles before walking off.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Adventure"]

Summary Spotted Wolf and his sons return from a successful hunt, bringing a trapped white man, Geoff, with them. The Crow tribe, including Red Wolf and Little Owl, greet them and discuss Geoff's fate. Amidst curiosity, skepticism, and caution, they decide to let him stay the night, and Red Wolf adopts Mutt, Geoff's dog. The scene takes place outside the Crow encampment, and the main conflict is the tribe's suspicion towards Geoff, resolved by Little Owl's decision to let him stay. The tone is a mix of curiosity, skepticism, and warmth, with key dialogue focusing on Geoff's pleading for mercy and Little Owl's eventual agreement. Visually, Spotted Wolf carries Geoff's rifle and satchel, and Geoff is blindfolded. The scene ends with Geoff staying the night and Red Wolf adopting Mutt.
Strengths
  • Rich character dynamics
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Cultural depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be confusing without context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a mix of tension, humor, and heartwarming moments. It sets up intriguing conflicts and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the Crow tribe encountering a lost trapper adds depth to the story, introducing cultural differences and potential conflicts.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the introduction of the trapper and the hint of future hunting trips involving the children. It sets up potential conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on cultural dynamics and family relationships, with authentic dialogue and character interactions. The Crow community and their traditions are portrayed with sensitivity and depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and relationships. The interactions feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

There are hints of character growth and change, especially in Spotted Wolf's realization about his mother's absence and the children's desire to hunt.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain hope and loyalty to his family, despite personal loss and hardship. Spotted Wolf struggles with his emotions and the need to protect his children from the harsh realities of life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the cultural expectations and responsibilities within the Crow community, while also dealing with the arrival of a wounded stranger. He must balance tradition with compassion and practicality.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There are multiple layers of conflict present, including cultural differences, survival challenges, and internal family dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming. The characters face challenges and obstacles that test their beliefs and values, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate, with the trapper's fate hanging in the balance and hints of future conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, setting up future conflicts, and deepening character relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters and the unexpected arrival of the wounded stranger. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict between hope and reality, tradition and adaptation. Spotted Wolf's struggle to maintain hope for his family clashes with the harsh truth of their situation and the need to make difficult decisions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to humor to compassion, making it emotionally engaging.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals character dynamics effectively. It blends humor, tension, and emotion well.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic characters, humor, and emotional depth. The interactions between the characters and the unfolding drama keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of dialogue, action, and emotional beats that keep the story moving forward. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are effectively conveyed.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and narrative progression. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the overall coherence of the scene.


Critique
  • The dialogue is repetitive and predictable. For example, Red Wolf's "Honey, I'm home!" is a cliche, and Little Owl's "Don't 'Honey' me" is a predictable response.
  • The scene lacks conflict. The Crow family is welcoming and helpful to Geoff, and there is no sense of danger or tension.
  • The scene is too long and meandering. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • The dialogue is not always clear or easy to understand. For example, it is not clear what Little Owl means when she says "Feed him to the bears."
  • The scene does not advance the plot in any meaningful way. It is more like a filler scene that could be cut without losing anything important.
Suggestions
  • Add more conflict to the scene. For example, you could have the Crow family be more suspicious of Geoff or have them disagree about what to do with him.
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. For example, you could cut out the part where the Crow children bring in the butchered animal.
  • Make the dialogue more clear and easy to understand. For example, you could replace Little Owl's "Feed him to the bears." with "We will decide what to do with him later."
  • Advance the plot in some meaningful way. For example, you could have Geoff learn something important about the Crow family or have him make a decision that will affect the rest of the story.



Scene 6 -  Red Wolf's Suspicion of the Stranger
EXT. CROW ENCAMPMENT - CONTINUOUS

As the stranger awkwardly washes, Red Wolf waits by the
shoreline, inspecting him. His twin grandsons stand guard as
he scans Geoff for any signs of disease or injury.

RED WOLF
(quietly to himself)
I still have hope, Mother. I must
believe they are not all wicked.

The white man's body sports superficial wounds. Most are
partially healed. None serious enough to explain the fresh
blood that coated his leggings and jerkin.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
What are you hiding, my friend?
Come on, show me. Prove them wrong.

Geoff wipes the gore from his buckskins, revealing two large
purple bruises in the middle of his back. The chief raises
an eyebrow at the odd, semicircular shape of the marks.
17.


The trapper turns to meet the old man's stare and nods. Red
Wolf returns the gesture when he suddenly spots 4 parallel
scratches dug into Geoff's cheek.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
(bitterly)
Not again. I have seen enough.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Adventure"]

Summary In this scene, Red Wolf and his grandsons examine a stranger named Geoff for signs of injury or disease at a Crow encampment by the shore. Red Wolf becomes disappointed and suspicious upon discovering four parallel scratches on Geoff's face, which conflicts with his hope that not all white men are wicked. The scene ends with Red Wolf's negative attitude towards Geoff, and the conflict remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept
  • Tension-building
  • Cultural dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful
  • Character changes could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through its mysterious elements and the clash of cultures. The discovery of the strange markings on the trapper's body adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a white trapper being brought into a Native American encampment and the discovery of mysterious markings on his body is intriguing and sets up a compelling storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot is driven by the discovery of the strange markings on the trapper's body and the tension it creates among the characters. It sets up a mystery that propels the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its unique setting, complex character dynamics, and moral ambiguity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their reactions to the trapper add depth to the scene. Red Wolf's curiosity and suspicion, Geoff's apprehension, and the interactions between the characters create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perceptions and interactions, there could be more pronounced changes to enhance the character development in the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain hope and belief in the goodness of others, despite evidence to the contrary. This reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding, as well as his fear of betrayal and disappointment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the stranger's injuries and the fresh blood on his clothing. This reflects the immediate challenge of determining the stranger's intentions and potential threat to the community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the Native American characters and the white trapper, as well as the mystery surrounding the strange markings on his body, create a high level of tension and intrigue.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the chief's suspicions and the stranger's mysterious injuries creating a sense of conflict and uncertainty. The audience is unsure of the outcome and the true intentions of the characters.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are established through the cultural clash, the discovery of the mysterious markings on the trapper's body, and the potential consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up a mystery, and creating tension that will likely impact future events in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and revelations, such as the strange markings on the stranger's body and the chief's conflicted reactions. The audience is kept guessing about the true nature of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between trust and suspicion, belief in the inherent goodness of others versus the reality of potential danger and deception. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the goodness of humanity and tests his ability to discern truth from falsehood.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and curiosity, keeping the audience emotionally engaged and invested in the unfolding mystery.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and suspicion among the characters, but could be more impactful in certain moments to enhance the emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intriguing premise, complex character dynamics, and moral dilemmas. The tension and mystery surrounding the stranger's injuries and the chief's reactions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, gradually revealing new information and character dynamics, and maintaining a sense of mystery and intrigue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. This enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene is a bit slow-paced and repetitive, with a lot of description of Geoff's physical appearance and Red Wolf's observations. This could be condensed to make the scene more engaging and to focus on the key conflict between Geoff and the Crow tribe.
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural, especially Red Wolf's opening line. This could be improved by making the dialogue more conversational and by adding more subtext.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot, and it's not clear what the point of it is. It could be cut or rewritten to focus on a more specific goal.
  • The scene could be more visually interesting by adding more details about the setting and the characters' actions. This could help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a more engaging hook, such as a conflict between Geoff and the Crow tribe.
  • Cut some of the unnecessary description and focus on the key conflict between Geoff and the Crow tribe.
  • Rephrase the dialogue to make it more conversational and natural.
  • Add more subtext to the dialogue to create tension and suspense.
  • Add more details about the setting and the characters' actions to make the scene more visually interesting.
  • Consider cutting or rewriting the scene to focus on a more specific goal.



Scene 7 -  Geoff's Uneasy Dining Experience with the Crow Tribe
EXT. CROW ENCAMPMENT - EVENING

Food is prepared and the tribe eats. Red Wolf has Geoff's
restraints removed, deeming him harmless while in custody.
During the meal, the youngest stare at the white man, who
smiles politely but remains silent.

The older youths joke amongst themselves about the
newcomer's bout of incontinence. Laughing Bird pours a bowl
of water into his brother's lap and runs off, roaring with
laughter.

EXT. CROW ENCAMPMENT - LATER

As the tribe cleans up, the 10 year-old huntress tosses a
scrap of fish to Lifesaver, who snatches it in midair to the
child's delight.

Lifesaver saunters through the center of camp, a strip of
salmon skin dangling from his mouth. As he spots Geoff
sitting by the fire, the dog issues a low growl, hackles
raised as he passes.

GEOFF
Yeah, yeah. You gonna bark or you
gonna bite, huh? Go on and growl.
You're lucky I've already eaten.
(To himself)
If you can call that food. How do
they eat that shit?

The man picks his teeth and rises to relieve himself. He
mutters under his breath as he walks into the forest.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
What's for dessert?

Hidden in the treetop canopy a short distance away, watchful
eyes peer out through the branches, spying on the newcomer.
Genres: ["Drama","Adventure","Historical"]

Summary In this exterior evening scene at the Crow encampment, Geoff, a man with incontinence issues, is allowed to eat with the Crow tribe. The tribe jokes about his condition, and a young huntress feeds Lifesaver, who growls at Geoff. Tension arises as Geoff, skeptical and unaccepting, mutters to himself and walks into the forest to relieve himself, while unseen watchful eyes observe him from the treetops. The scene is filled with a mix of tension, humor, and curiosity, with conflicts left unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective world-building
  • Engaging character dynamics
  • Mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Potential lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and suspenseful atmosphere while introducing intriguing conflicts and characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of cultural differences, survival, and mystery is well-established and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 7

The plot thickens with the introduction of Geoff and the potential threat lurking in the forest.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique cultural elements and character dynamics that set it apart from conventional tribal settings. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a fresh perspective to familiar themes of cultural clash and adaptation.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Geoff's situation changes as he transitions from captive to guest, setting up potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and assert his dominance despite being in a vulnerable position. This reflects his deeper need for control and self-preservation in unfamiliar circumstances.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate his interactions with the tribe and establish his place within the community. This reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new environment and gaining acceptance from the tribe.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflicts between the Crow tribe and Geoff, as well as the potential danger in the forest, create tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's beliefs and actions, adding depth to the character dynamics and narrative progression.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised with the presence of a potential threat and the uncertain fate of Geoff.

Story Forward: 8

The scene introduces new elements and conflicts that propel the story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected character actions that keep the audience guessing about the outcome of the interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Geoff's outsider perspective and the tribe's communal values. Geoff's skepticism towards the tribe's food and customs challenges the tribe's traditions and way of life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, curiosity, and amusement, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals character dynamics effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, humor, and underlying tension that keeps the audience invested in the unfolding conflict and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the interactions between characters and the progression of events, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptive action lines that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the character interactions and progression of events. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene is too short and doesn't develop the characters or advance the plot in a meaningful way.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and the characters' motivations are unclear.
  • The action is repetitive and there is no clear conflict or resolution.
  • The scene lacks stakes and tension, and the reader is not invested in the outcome.
  • The scene is not well-written and could benefit from significant revisions.
Suggestions
  • Add more dialogue and action to develop the characters and advance the plot.
  • Make the dialogue more natural and believable, and give the characters clear motivations.
  • Create a clear conflict and resolution for the scene.
  • Add stakes and tension to the scene by making the reader invested in the outcome.
  • Revise the scene to improve the writing and make it more engaging.



Scene 8 -  Confrontation and Humiliation: Geoff's Lewd Actions Lead to His Downfall
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF CROW ENCAMPMENT - MOMENTS LATER

Finding a spot behind a tree, the trapper watches the camp
from the darkness as he urinates, hidden from view. His gaze
lingers on the 10 year old girl helping her teenage sibling.
18.


GEOFF
(French)
My oh my. Well, hello there my
delicate flower. I bet your blossom
tastes very sweet. Will you permit
me a lick, little rose?

Sinewy arms emerge from behind Geoff, looping a length of
braided rope around his neck.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Perhaps I take your sister instead?

Spotted Wolf tightens his vise-like grip. Geoff claws at his
throat as he is choked. The muscular Crow bears down and
wrenches the white man off his feet.

A wraith-like form materializes from the shadows. Grabbing a
fistful of Geoff's hair, Little Owl faces him.

LITTLE OWL
(French)
My oh my. Seems our guest fancies
the pretty flowers, does he?

With practiced lethality, Little Owl flips a knife around in
her hand and presses its blade to the trapper's groin.

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
You don't look like a bee. Shall I
cut off your stinger, little bee?
Look, it shrivels before our eyes,
too small to sting anyone.

Red Wolf and his grandsons join the group. Geoff's eyes
bulge and his flailing arms fall limp as he strangles.

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
Do you make honey, little bee? Does
it taste as bad as you smell?

The chief takes the Bowie knife from his wife's grasp as the
trapper blacks out and is dumped to the ground in a heap.

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
No, you are not a bee. Bees are
noble creatures. You are a wasp.
You prey on others, on our
children. There is nothing noble
about you. You are just a savage.
19.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Horror"]

Summary In the darkness behind a tree on the outskirts of a Crow encampment, trapper Geoff urinates while making lewd comments about a young Crow girl. Spotted Wolf and Little Owl confront him, followed by Red Wolf and his grandsons. The conflict escalates as Little Owl threatens and chokes Geoff, ultimately pressing a knife to his groin and delivering a scathing monologue. The Crow group leaves Geoff unconscious and humiliated, ending the tense and threatening scene.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Violent themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with intense conflict, strong character dynamics, and a dark tone that keeps the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of cultural clash and power struggle is well-executed, adding depth to the scene and setting up potential conflicts for future developments.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the captured trapper and the escalating tensions within the Crow tribe, setting the stage for further conflicts and character developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the confrontation between the trapper and the tribe, with unique character dynamics and dialogue that feel authentic and impactful.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions drive the scene forward, showcasing their motivations, strengths, and vulnerabilities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their dynamics and perceptions, setting the stage for potential growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect the young girl and her sibling from the trapper's predatory behavior, reflecting his deeper desire to safeguard his community and uphold their values.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to confront and punish the trapper for his actions, reflecting the immediate challenge of maintaining justice and order within the tribe.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving power struggles, cultural differences, and personal vendettas.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the trapper facing multiple threats and challenges from the tribe, creating a sense of uncertainty and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with lives on the line, power struggles at play, and the potential for irreversible consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, characters, and tensions that will impact future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable in its resolution of the conflict, keeping the audience on edge about the trapper's fate and the tribe's response.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the difference between the trapper's predatory nature and the tribe's values of protection and respect for nature. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and fear to empathy and intrigue, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the power dynamics and tensions between the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense action, moral conflict, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation that resolves the conflict in a satisfying manner.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected standards for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity for the reader.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced and structured format, effectively building tension and resolving the conflict within the expected genre conventions.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by adding more depth to the characters. For example, the Crow tribe members could be given more backstory and motivation, and Geoff could be made more complex and sympathetic.
  • The dialogue is well-written and believable, but it could be more concise. Some of the lines could be cut without losing any of the meaning.
  • The action is exciting and suspenseful, but it could be more varied. The scene could benefit from some more quieter moments, to give the reader a chance to catch their breath and learn more about the characters.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and leaves the reader with many unanswered questions. The scene could benefit from a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Add more backstory and motivation to the Crow tribe members. Why are they so hostile towards Geoff? What are their hopes and dreams?
  • Make Geoff more complex and sympathetic. Show him struggling with his own prejudices and trying to understand the Crow tribe's way of life.
  • Cut some of the dialogue to make it more concise. Focus on the most important lines that move the story forward.
  • Add some more quieter moments to the scene. This will give the reader a chance to catch their breath and learn more about the characters.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying conclusion. Answer some of the questions that the reader has been left with.



Scene 9 -  Geoff's Prayers and Red Wolf's Story
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF CROW ENCAMPMENT - MOMENTS LATER

Geoff comes to his senses lying hogtied in the dirt. He
coughs and spits as Red Wolf crouches down to address him.

RED WOLF
Quite the spot you've found
yourself in, yes? While I have your
attention, I will tell you a story.

Eyes wide and pleading, Geoff slowly comes to grips with his
predicament and settles down to listen.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
I will speak in your tongue as best
I can so you understand every word,
yes? Yes. Very good. Let me begin
by saying that my mother lived with
joy and kindness in her heart. She
raised me to respect life and care
for others, even strangers.

GEOFF
Your Mother's beliefs and my own
are one and the same. Don't you
see? We are brothers! I am a God
fearing follower of Our Lord Jesus
Christ. My mother is kind and
saintly like yours. Please, I am
her only son!
(praying)
Protect me, O Lord. Forgive my
lustful thoughts and sinful
compulsions! Deliver me from these
brutes who would take my life! If I
am to die, let me be martyred as
Jesus upon the hills of Calvary!

Geoff sobs and recites the Lord's Prayer repeatedly, his
tearful eyes squeezed shut in religious fervor.

KICKING BIRD
(Crow)
Grandmother, what is he saying to
the Man in the Sky?

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
He is lying. Over and over.

With a yank, Spotted Wolf hauls the trapper upright and
delivers a ferocious open-handed slap flush to Geoff's face,
which silences his mewling cries.
20.


RED WOLF
As I was saying. My mother. It was
her way to welcome strangers and
assist those in need. I have
honored her wishes, for better or
worse. Why do I tell you this?

FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Western"]

Summary Geoff, a God-fearing trapper, regains consciousness outside the Crow encampment and prays for deliverance. Red Wolf narrates a story about his mother's kindness and teachings in English for Geoff's understanding. The Crows observe and interact with Geoff, displaying a mix of curiosity, skepticism, and aggression. The scene highlights the cultural and moral differences between Geoff and the Crows, with the conflict unresolved. It ends with Spotted Wolf silencing Geoff's prayers and Red Wolf continuing his story.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Exploration of themes
  • Complex characters
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayals
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and sets up a significant conflict between the characters. The dialogue is impactful and reveals important aspects of the characters' beliefs and motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of cultural clash, forgiveness, and redemption is well-developed and drives the scene forward. The scene sets up a compelling conflict that will likely have far-reaching consequences.

Plot: 7

The plot is advanced through the interactions between the characters and the revelation of their beliefs and motivations. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the clash of cultures and beliefs, with authentic character actions and dialogue that enhance the authenticity of the conflict.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal depth and complexity. The clash of cultures and beliefs adds layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their beliefs and attitudes throughout the scene, setting up potential character arcs in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to appeal to the shared beliefs and values between himself and Red Wolf in order to save his life. This reflects his deeper need for survival and his fear of death.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Red Wolf and the tribe to spare his life by appealing to their shared beliefs and values.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the captured trapper and the Crow tribe is intense and sets up a power struggle that will likely have significant consequences. The clash of cultures and beliefs adds depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values creating a difficult obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the captured trapper's fate hangs in the balance. The clash of cultures and beliefs adds complexity to the stakes and sets up potential consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up conflicts, revealing character motivations, and exploring themes of forgiveness and redemption. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the uncertain outcome for the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the clash between the protagonist's Christian beliefs and the Native American tribe's traditions and values. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, including fear, hope, desperation, and resentment. The characters' beliefs and motivations add emotional depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is powerful and reveals important information about the characters' beliefs, motivations, and conflicts. It drives the scene forward and creates tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, emotional depth, and the high stakes for the protagonist.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene's dialogue contains a lot of exposition, especially Red Wolf's monologue, which could be more engaging and dynamic.
  • The exposition in Red Wolf's monologue is further hindered by its repetitiveness, with several phrases repeated verbatim.
  • Geoff's religious fervor and prayers feel forced and out of character, given his previous actions and behavior.
  • The flashback is unnecessary and interrupts the flow of the scene, especially since its content is already implied in Red Wolf's dialogue.
  • The scene lacks clear stakes and tension, making it difficult for the reader to feel invested in Geoff's plight or the consequences of his actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider having Red Wolf's monologue focus on a specific anecdote or story that illustrates his mother's kindness and his own struggle with adhering to her beliefs.
  • Explore alternative ways to convey the same information in Red Wolf's monologue, using more vivid language and avoiding repetition.
  • Tone down Geoff's religious fervor and make his prayers more authentic to his character, focusing on his fear and desperation rather than excessive piety.
  • Remove the flashback and integrate its essential elements into Red Wolf's dialogue, making it a more seamless and impactful part of the scene.
  • Raise the stakes of the scene by establishing clear consequences for Geoff's actions and increasing the sense of danger he faces.



Scene 10 -  Desperation in the Montana Wilderness
EXT. MONTANA WILDERNESS - DAWN

Six emaciated figures are camped against a rocky
outcropping. They wear the tattered remnants of clergy.

RED WOLF (V.O.)
Some years ago, A group of white
Holy Men made camp not far from
where we found you. Fools brought
ducks and pigs, yet had no guns or
weapons to speak of. Half of them
had already died along the way.
When the Blackfeet attacked, they
were defenseless. The survivors
fled with their wounded.

3 of them are huddled against the cave wall, eyes distant
and glassy. One of the trio is wracked by a chest-rattling
cough. A tall grey-bearded priest straggles into camp,
dumping some twigs and branches to the dirt floor.

RED WOLF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
They were starving when we found
them, raving like madmen and
gnawing on the bones of a horse.
But that wasn't the worst of it.

The last survivor crouches by a meager fire. He tosses a
bible in and uses a buck knife to stoke the flames with his
hollow eyes fixed anxiously on the body of his dead comrade.

END FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Thriller"]

Summary In a somber flashback, Red Wolf narrates a scene of six emaciated priests found by his tribe in the Montana wilderness. After being attacked by the Blackfeet, the priests are starving and weak, reduced to gnawing on horse bones. The last survivor burns a Bible for warmth beside his dead comrade, emphasizing their vulnerability and dire circumstances.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Complex characters
  • High stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Potential for graphic violence
  • Some dialogue may be too explicit

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping and intense, with a strong mix of drama, historical context, and thriller elements that keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the clash of cultures and the survival instincts of the characters, is well-executed and adds depth to the overall story.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with multiple layers of conflict and tension that drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its depiction of a religious group's struggle for survival in a harsh wilderness setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the uniqueness of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are complex and intriguing, with conflicting motivations and emotions that add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The character of Geoff undergoes a significant change, from a confident trapper to a desperate captive, adding depth to his arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is survival and coping with the trauma of witnessing the death and suffering of his companions. It reflects his deeper need for hope and resilience in the face of overwhelming adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to keep the fire going and ensure his own survival in the harsh wilderness. It reflects the immediate challenge of staying warm and cooking food.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the captured trapper and the Crow tribe, as well as the mysterious presence in the forest.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing physical and emotional challenges that are difficult to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters' lives and fates hanging in the balance, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unknown fate of the protagonist and the tension between survival and faith.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's Christian beliefs and the harsh reality of survival in the wilderness. It challenges his values of compassion and faith in the face of extreme circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, desperation, and sadness, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' personalities and driving the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, compelling characters, and the mystery surrounding the survivors' backstory.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of action and introspection that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The flashback format adds depth and context to the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene seems to be more of a continuation of the previous scene, rather than a standalone scene.
  • The flashback is introduced abruptly, without any clear transition or context.
  • The language used in the flashback is a bit too formal and doesn't sound like natural dialogue.
  • The flashback doesn't provide any new information or character development that is essential to the story.
  • The scene ends abruptly, leaving the reader confused and unsure of what happened.
Suggestions
  • Consider combining this scene with the previous one, or finding a way to transition more smoothly between the two.
  • Provide more context for the flashback, such as a voiceover or a character's thoughts.
  • Use more natural and colloquial language in the dialogue.
  • Make sure the flashback serves a purpose and advances the story or character development.
  • Consider adding a brief summary or narration at the end of the scene to help the reader understand what happened.



Scene 11 -  A Glimpse into the Past: The Crow Tribe's Kindness and Hospitality
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF CROW ENCAMPMENT - CONTINUOUS

RED WOLF
Perhaps Mother was naïve, and to be
sure, our people had not met many
outsiders. The ones we had met
would claim to be hunters, just
passing through, but they were not.
In truth, they were wicked beasts,
running from their evil deeds.
21.


LITTLE OWL
Filthy animals.

INT. CROW EMCAMPMENT - EVENING

FLASHBACK

RED WOLF (V.O.)
But not this group. They were
different. Not cruel or
treacherous. We brought them to
camp. Mother insisted we tend to
those we could save. We gave them
food, shelter, even healed them in
our fashion. One was too far gone
and never woke up.

Four bedraggled white men sit beside their Crow hosts,
eating as the fire warms them. Three have the far away look
of the traumatized.

RED WOLF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Mother took a liking to one of
them. We called him Kansas Man. He
taught us your language, and about
your Man in the Sky.

A Catholic priest (mid 60's, thinning hair, grey beard)
speaks with an older Crow woman (70's and petite), whose
role is clearly Matriarch of this family. She smiles
placidly as Kansas Man expresses his gratitude, waving his
arms excitedly as he converses with her.

END FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Adventure"]

Summary In this nostalgic and hopeful scene, Red Wolf recounts a past encounter of their tribe with four white men, who were traumatized and bedraggled. The Crow tribe, led by a matriarch, showed them kindness and hospitality, tending to their needs, feeding, and sheltering them. One of the white men, called Kansas Man, taught the Crow tribe their language and about their 'Man in the Sky'. The scene ends with Kansas Man expressing his gratitude to the matriarch of the Crow tribe.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Compelling themes
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some potential for stereotypical portrayals of Native American characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, engaging, and sets up intriguing conflicts and dynamics between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of outsiders being taken in by a Native American tribe and the subsequent cultural exchange is compelling and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces tension and conflict through the arrival of the white outsiders and their interactions with the Crow tribe.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on cultural exchange and the complexities of human relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal depth and complexity.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes as they begin to understand and empathize with each other.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the complexities of interacting with outsiders while staying true to their cultural values and beliefs.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to care for and heal the wounded outsiders while maintaining harmony within the tribe.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present in the scene, primarily stemming from the cultural differences and misunderstandings between the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition rating reflects the subtle conflicts and challenges faced by the characters, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not incredibly high in this scene, the potential for conflict and resolution between the characters adds tension and interest.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters, conflicts, and themes that will likely impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its portrayal of the outsiders' true intentions and the Crow tribe's response to them.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the clash between the Crow tribe's values of hospitality and the outsiders' potentially harmful intentions. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the inherent goodness of people.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from sadness to hope, as the characters navigate their differences and find common ground.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and serves to further develop the characters and the themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, cultural exploration, and interpersonal dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, enhancing the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, effectively conveying the scene's visual and emotional elements.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a flashback structure, effectively weaving past and present events to deepen the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Red Wolf telling a story about his mother's kindness towards a group of white men who were found starving in the wilderness. This is a good way to show the Crow's values of hospitality and compassion, and it also sets up the contrast between the Crow's treatment of outsiders and Geoff's treatment of the young Crow girl in the previous scene.
  • However, the scene then cuts to a flashback of the white men being brought to the Crow encampment and being cared for by Red Wolf's mother. This flashback is unnecessary, as it repeats information that has already been conveyed in Red Wolf's narration. It also slows down the pace of the scene and makes it less engaging.
  • The scene then cuts back to the present, with Red Wolf continuing his story. He tells how Kansas Man taught the Crow about the white man's God, and how the Crow came to believe in Him. This is an interesting and important part of the story, but it is told in a very dry and academic way. There is no emotion or drama, and it is difficult for the reader to connect with the characters or the events being described.
  • Overall, this scene is well-written and informative, but it could be improved by cutting the unnecessary flashback and adding more emotion and drama to the storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Cut the flashback to the white men being brought to the Crow encampment.
  • Add more emotion and drama to Red Wolf's storytelling.
  • Consider adding some dialogue between Red Wolf and the other characters.
  • Consider using more vivid and descriptive language.



Scene 12 -  Red Wolf's Story: A Deadly Disease and Blame
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF CROW ENCAMPMENT - CONTINUOUS

Geoff sits listening attentively as the old man continues.

RED WOLF
A few weeks after they arrived, our
people started getting sick. It was
a disease none of us had seen
before. Red bumps appeared all over
their skin. My brothers and sisters
grew weak, unable to stand or feed
themselves. Soon they were coughing
blood and struggling to breathe.
Scores of Crow died. Blame fell on
the white Holy Men. I joined my
brothers in favor of killing them
on the spot.
22.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Thriller"]

Summary In this serious and somber scene, Geoff listens to Red Wolf, an old man from the Crow tribe, as he recounts a story from the past. The Crow people were affected by a disease that caused red bumps on their skin, weakness, and difficulty breathing, leading to many deaths. Red Wolf mentions that blame for the disease fell on white Holy Men. The conflict of the disease and blame is not resolved in this scene, and the scene ends with Red Wolf finishing his story, leaving the audience to consider its impact.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Compelling conflict
  • Rich thematic elements
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayals
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping and intense, with a strong focus on cultural differences and the potential consequences of past actions. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are high.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of outsiders bringing disease and suspicion to a native tribe is compelling and thought-provoking. It raises questions about trust, morality, and the impact of past events on present circumstances.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with a clear conflict arising from the arrival of the white outsiders and the subsequent illness that befalls the Crow tribe. The scene moves the story forward and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its exploration of cultural conflict, historical trauma, and moral ambiguity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, offering fresh perspectives on familiar themes.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are intriguing, especially Red Wolf and Geoff, who represent different perspectives and motivations. Their interactions add depth to the scene and drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, particularly Red Wolf and Geoff, undergo subtle changes as they navigate the cultural divide and the challenges presented by the situation. Their beliefs and actions are tested.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to understand the history and motivations of the Crow people, reflecting his curiosity, empathy, and desire for knowledge. He is seeking to connect with the old man on a deeper level and gain insight into the community's past struggles.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal in this scene is to gather information about the Crow encampment and potentially uncover any hidden truths or conflicts that may impact his own journey. He is also trying to establish trust and rapport with the old man.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the Crow tribe and the white outsiders, as well as the internal conflict within the tribe about how to deal with the outsiders, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, moral dilemmas, and unresolved tensions creating obstacles for the characters to overcome. The audience is left wondering how these conflicts will be resolved and what consequences they will have.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in the potential consequences of the disease affecting the Crow tribe, the clash of cultures between the tribe and the outsiders, and the moral dilemma of how to proceed.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot developments. It adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the old man's story, the moral dilemmas faced by the characters, and the unresolved tensions between different factions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash of belief systems between the Crow people and the white Holy Men. It challenges Geoff's understanding of cultural differences, morality, and the impact of historical events on present-day relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, suspicion, and tension, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil. The high stakes and moral dilemmas heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, revealing the cultural divide between the Crow tribe and the white outsiders. It conveys the characters' emotions and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its compelling storytelling, emotional depth, and thematic complexity. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and conflicts, eager to learn more about the Crow community and its history.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and emotion leading to a climactic revelation. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a traditional format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm are effective in building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary details.
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or goal.
  • The ending of the scene is anticlimactic.
Suggestions
  • Cut out some of the unnecessary details, such as the part about the Crow people getting sick.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural.
  • Add a clear conflict or goal to the scene.
  • Rewrite the ending of the scene to make it more climactic.



Scene 13 -  The Expulsion of the Priests: A Somber Farewell
EXT. CROW ENCAMPMENT - MORNING

FLASHBACK

Two canoes rest on the river bank, both stocked with
supplies. The three priests are shoved along at spearpoint
by a group of Crow, including a younger Red Wolf.

RED WOLF (V.O.)
Mother insisted on showing them
mercy, to honor the Son of the Man
in the Sky. The white men were
provided canoes, food and supplies,
and all but Kansas Man were sent
away downriver to meet their fate.

The trio of men board the canoes and are pushed away from
the shore and into the current. A short distance away,
Kansas Man stands next to the elder Crow woman, waving as
the exiles depart.

END FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Historical Fiction","Drama","Adventure"]

Summary In a flashback to a Crow encampment, the three priests are being expelled for being blamed for the deaths of many Crow. Given canoes, supplies, and food by the Crow, including Red Wolf's mother, only Kansas Man remains behind, showing them mercy. The scene is somber and reflective, with Red Wolf providing a voice-over explaining his mother's insistence on showing mercy. The visual elements include the two canoes on the river bank, the Crow pushing the priests away in the canoes, and Kansas Man waving goodbye to the exiles. The scene ends with the exiles floating away down the river, with Kansas Man standing alone on the river bank.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling themes of mercy and cultural exchange
  • Emotionally impactful moments
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Certain interactions may be too intense for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, engaging, and emotionally impactful, with strong character dynamics and a compelling narrative. It effectively sets up conflict and tension while exploring themes of mercy and cultural exchange.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showing mercy and compassion in a harsh wilderness environment is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively explores the consequences of past actions and the complexities of intercultural relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and well-developed, with a strong focus on character interactions and the impact of past events on present circumstances. It effectively sets up conflict and tension while moving the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on cultural interactions and moral dilemmas, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and time period.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and complex, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions drive the scene forward and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional and psychological changes in the scene, particularly in their attitudes towards mercy, forgiveness, and cultural understanding.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconcile his mother's mercy with his own beliefs and values. He struggles with the decision to show kindness to the white men, reflecting his deeper need for acceptance and understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to follow his mother's orders and provide the white men with canoes and supplies. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing mercy with practicality.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a high level of conflict, both internal and external, as characters grapple with past actions, cultural differences, and the consequences of mercy and forgiveness.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the protagonist's internal struggle.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as characters grapple with past actions, cultural differences, and the consequences of mercy and forgiveness. The decisions made in this scene have far-reaching implications for the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of the protagonist's decision and the consequences of showing mercy to the white men.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between showing mercy and practicality. The protagonist must decide whether to follow his mother's wishes or prioritize the safety of his people.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, hope, and reflection. The moments of mercy and compassion resonate with the audience and add depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and serves to reveal character traits and motivations. It effectively conveys emotion and tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the moral dilemma, emotional stakes, and vivid imagery that draw the audience into the protagonist's internal struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with a balance of action and introspection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptive language.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene seems to be a flashback within a flashback, which can be confusing for the reader. Consider restructuring the narrative to make the flashback more seamless.
  • The scene is mostly exposition and lacks action or dialogue to engage the reader. Consider adding some tension or conflict to the scene to make it more dynamic.
  • The dialogue is very didactic, with Red Wolf simply recounting historical events. Consider rewriting the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging.
  • The scene doesn't seem to advance the plot or develop the characters. Consider revising the scene to make it more relevant to the overall story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief scene before the flashback that establishes the context for the story. This could help orient the reader and make the flashback more impactful.
  • Try incorporating some action or dialogue into the flashback to make it more engaging. For example, you could have the priests interact with the Crow, or you could have them discuss their situation.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging. For example, instead of having Red Wolf simply recount historical events, you could have him tell the story in a more personal way.
  • Revise the scene to make it more relevant to the overall story. For example, you could have the priests encounter a character who will play a significant role later in the story.



Scene 14 -  Geoff's Failed Escape Attempt and Little Owl's Suspicions
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF CROW ENCAMPMENT - CONTINUOUS

The helpless Geoff senses a possible avenue of escape.

GEOFF
Yes please, send me down the river!

RED WOLF
(suspiciously)
Are you wanted by the law?

GEOFF
I have renounced my wicked ways. I
am reformed and renewed in Christ!
I just need to get back to Bannack.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
He is lying. They all lie.

GEOFF
No! Only the Blackfeet would see me
harmed. I beg you to treat me
fairly. I will tell all who will
listen of your mercy. Please, in
the name of our saintly mothers!

The hysterical trapper starts bawling. Little Owl open-hand
slaps him viciously on the opposite cheek and he quiets.
23.


LITTLE OWL
That will do.

She notices the set of deep scratches on his face and her
eyes harden with knowing certainty. Suspicions confirmed,
she leans in nose to nose with the white man.

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
PIG.

The formidable woman releases his face and stalks away.
Spotted Wolf comforts his wrathful mother. Red Wolf pivots
to face Geoff, puts his hand on the man's shoulder and
continues his monologue.

RED WOLF
Be quiet and listen, yes?
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Adventure"]

Summary In this tense and suspenseful scene, Geoff, a desperate trapper, tries to escape from the Crow encampment by going down the river. He convinces Red Wolf to let him go by claiming he has renounced his wicked ways and is now reformed. However, Little Owl, the elder Crow woman, suspects he is lying and confirms her suspicions when she sees the scratches on his face. She calls him a pig and stalks away, leaving him alone and still trapped. The main conflict lies between Geoff and Little Owl, and the key pieces of dialogue include Geoff's claims of reform and Little Owl's confirmation of his lying. Significant visual elements include Geoff's desperate attempts to escape and Little Owl's vicious slap to silence him.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tense dialogue
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayals
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping, emotionally charged, and sets up a tense dynamic between the characters. It effectively introduces conflict and raises questions about morality and cultural differences.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of mercy, suspicion, and cultural clash is well-executed and drives the scene's narrative forward. It adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for further exploration of themes.

Plot: 7

The plot is engaging and introduces a compelling dilemma for the characters. It sets up conflict and raises questions about trust and judgment.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh setting and cultural context, with authentic dialogue that reflects the characters' beliefs and values. The actions and reactions feel genuine and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity. Each character's motivations and beliefs are clear, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their beliefs and attitudes, particularly in their perceptions of mercy and suspicion. These changes set the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to convince the Crow tribe that he is reformed and in need of help to return to Bannack. This reflects his desire for redemption and acceptance, as well as his fear of being harmed by the Blackfeet.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to persuade the Crow tribe to help him escape down the river. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces of being at the mercy of the tribe's judgment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the characters. The clash of cultures and beliefs adds to the overall conflict and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Crow tribe's skepticism and Geoff's desperate pleas creating a sense of conflict and uncertainty. The audience is unsure of how the situation will resolve.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing life-or-death decisions and moral dilemmas. The outcome of their interactions could have significant consequences for all involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, themes, and character dynamics. It sets up future developments and raises questions that drive the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the unexpected reactions of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Geoff's belief in his own redemption and the Crow tribe's skepticism and suspicion of outsiders. This challenges Geoff's values and worldview, as he must confront the tribe's preconceived notions about him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, from tension and suspicion to compassion and judgment. The characters' struggles and conflicts resonate with the audience, creating a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. It drives the scene forward and adds to the overall tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and dynamic character interactions. The tension keeps the audience invested in Geoff's fate.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The action is easy to follow and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a progression of events. It maintains tension and suspense throughout.


Critique
  • The dialogue for Geoff feels forced and unnatural. His sudden conversion to Christianity and plea for mercy seem out of character given his previous actions and demeanor.
  • The motivations for Spotted Wolf and Little Owl's hostility towards Geoff are not fully explored. While it's mentioned that they suspect he's lying, their deep-seated hatred and desire for revenge feel excessive.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat slow, with a lot of exposition and dialogue that could be streamlined to create a more engaging and dynamic exchange.
  • The use of the term "PIG" as an insult by Little Owl feels jarring and out of place given the historical context and the relationship between the characters.
  • The scene concludes abruptly with Red Wolf continuing his monologue, leaving the audience with a sense of incompleteness and uncertainty about Geoff's fate.
Suggestions
  • Revise Geoff's dialogue to make his conversion and plea for mercy more believable and consistent with his established character.
  • Develop the motivations for Spotted Wolf and Little Owl's hostility towards Geoff more thoroughly, exploring their fears, prejudices, and personal experiences that drive their actions.
  • Tighten the pacing of the scene by reducing unnecessary dialogue and exposition, focusing on the essential elements of the conflict and character dynamics.
  • Consider replacing the use of the term "PIG" with a more nuanced and culturally appropriate insult that better reflects the characters' relationship and the historical context.
  • Provide a clearer resolution to the scene, either by showing Geoff's immediate fate or hinting at the consequences of his actions and the unresolved conflict between him and the Crow tribe.



Scene 15 -  A Prayer for the Sick Matron
INT. CROW EMCAMPMENT - EVENING

FLASHBACK

Kansas Man stands inside the teepee of the Crow matron, who
coughs and writhes under a pile of skins. A worried young
Red Wolf enters, his face full of grief and anguish.

RED WOLF (V.O.)
Soon after we sent the Holy Men
away, Mother got sick as well.

Kansas Man kneels beside the old woman, rocking back and
forth as he prays. Red Wolf approaches to join him by her
side. As he silently weeps, his tears leave dark spots on
the yellow, dog-eared pages of the priest's small bible.

RED WOLF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Kansas Man would sit at Mother's
side, speaking his verses again and
again. Pleading with the Man in the
Sky to heal her, offering to trade
places with the woman who had saved
his life, saved him from living
death, from becoming a skin-walker.

The Crow mother reaches up weakly to stroke her son's cheek.
Looking to the heavens, Red Wolf breaks down in sobs and
buries his head in his hands. The mournful priest reaches
over to rest a comforting hand on Red Wolf's shoulder.

RED WOLF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
He sat with her for days reading
from his book. He was foolish, I
think. Begging the Man in the Sky.
24.


END FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a Crow encampment, Kansas Man fervently prays for the healing of the sick Crow matron as her son, Red Wolf, weeps beside her. The scene, a flashback triggered by Red Wolf's encounter with Geoff, highlights the desperation and grief of the two men, while showcasing the conflict of the matron's sickness and the hope for her recovery. The emotional tone is heavy with sadness, grief, and a touch of hope, as Kansas Man pleads with the 'Man in the Sky' for healing. The scene ends with Red Wolf breaking down in sobs, adding to the emotional tension.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Poignant dialogue
  • Cultural exchange
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and sets up a compelling backstory for the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of healing, both physically and spiritually, is central to the scene and adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the emotional journey of the characters and the cultural exchange between the Crow tribe and the white priests, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to spiritual themes, authentic portrayal of Native American culture, and nuanced characterization of the protagonist's internal struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with complex emotions and motivations. Their interactions drive the scene forward and create a sense of empathy.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional changes, particularly Red Wolf, as they grapple with grief and hope.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his grief and guilt over his mother's illness. It reflects his deeper need for redemption, his fear of losing his mother, and his desire to make amends for past mistakes.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to care for his sick mother and seek healing for her. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with illness and the uncertainty of her survival.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, it is more focused on healing and redemption than on external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, with the protagonist facing internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are more emotional and spiritual than physical in this scene, focusing on the characters' inner struggles.

Story Forward: 6

The scene provides important backstory and character development, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of the mother's illness, the protagonist's internal conflict, and the philosophical questions raised about faith and prayer.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with faith and the belief in the power of prayer. It challenges his values, beliefs, and worldview as he questions the effectiveness of his prayers and the existence of a higher power.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the reader, particularly through the grief and desperation of the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and feelings effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, character dynamics, and thematic depth that draw the audience into the protagonist's internal and external struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with introspective reflection, creating a rhythm that enhances the scene's impact and resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that effectively develop the characters and themes.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation. However, the flashback feels a bit disjointed and could be more smoothly integrated into the present-day narrative.
  • The dialogue is well-written and believable, but it could be more concise and focused. Some of the lines could be trimmed or combined to improve the pacing of the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual detail to help the reader visualize the setting and the characters' actions.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt and could be more satisfying. It would be helpful to provide a brief glimpse of the aftermath of the events depicted in the flashback.
  • The scene could benefit from a stronger sense of conflict. The characters are all reacting to the same event, but there is no real tension or drama between them.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a brief summary of the events depicted in the flashback. This will help to orient the reader and make the transition into the flashback smoother.
  • Consider trimming or combining some of the dialogue to improve the pacing of the scene. Focus on the most important lines that convey the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • Add more visual detail to the scene to help the reader visualize the setting and the characters' actions. Describe the surroundings, the characters' clothing, and their body language.
  • Consider adding a brief glimpse of the aftermath of the events depicted in the flashback to provide a more satisfying ending to the scene.
  • Consider adding a stronger sense of conflict to the scene. This could be done by introducing a disagreement between the characters or by creating a sense of danger or urgency.



Scene 16 -  A Confrontation of Beliefs: Red Wolf vs. Geoff
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF CROW ENCAMPMENT - CONTINUOUS

Red Wolf's demeanor gives away the slightest hint of anger.

RED WOLF
I know he meant well. But for all
his words, his tears, his devotion,
Mother still died. The Man in the
Sky did nothing. Nothing. 3 days
after Mother died, Kansas Man was
killed and eaten by a bear. The Man
in the Sky let him die as well. And
yet, every white man I encounter:

The Crow elder raises the Bowie, and with the tip of the
large knife, traces each of the four scratches on the man's
cheek. He emphasizes each word.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Holy Man. Poacher. Rapist.
(pause)
MURDERER.

He lowers the blade, his voice measured but slightly shaky.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
You all claim a covenant with the
Man in the Sky, yes? This Heavenly
Father, the Father of All Things.
Abandoned his only Son to die, yes?
(scoffs)
That is no Father. Tell me, what
use is a God who listens without
answering? Sees everything, but
stops nothing. Is your Sky Man
weak? His Holy Spirit holds all of
you in divine judgement. Yet his
children are cruel, wicked beasts.
Is he wicked as well? Does the Man
in the Sky care at all?

Clearly upset, Red Wolf composes himself and continues:

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Your impotent fable does not give
you white men license to claim our
land and game as your own. Your
kind is infected with greed. You
can not hide behind your Man in the
Sky or his Black Book. Or conceal
your wicked nature from the Great
Spirit.
(MORE)
25.


RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Your soul is corrupt, and you will
answer to the Great Spirit for your
crimes.

Geoff defiantly smiles a black-toothed grin.

GEOFF
You are wrong, Old Crow. So very
wrong. It is God's will for the
white man to assert his rightful
dominion over the Earth and bring
the Heathens into God's light. Are
you blind, Old Crow? It's already
begun. Progress. You can't stop it.
Can't stop what's coming. There are
more of us arriving in Bannack
every day. We are the true
descendants of Adam, and Eden is
our inheritance. It is our God
given right to do as we please with
this land! Our destiny has been
preordained! We will seize this
land by force and cleanse the Earth
of all you savages!
(chuckling)
Do you hear me, Old Crow? Do You?

Growling his displeasure, Lifesaver trots into the group and
lifts his leg, peeing on the raving man's midsection. The
trapper cries out in protest.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
You little shithead! I swear to God
I will skin you alive and eat you--

Frustrated, Red Wolf stuffs a rag in Geoff's mouth and
shakes his head.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
What if Mother was wrong?
(heavy sigh)
Maybe we should have killed them
when we had the chance.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Western"]

Summary In this tense and confrontational scene, Red Wolf, a grieving Crow elder, expresses his anger and disappointment towards the Christian God and denounces the white man's claim to Crow land. Geoff, a defiant white trapper, defends their actions and asserts their divine right to the land. The conflict between the two characters, regarding differing beliefs and values, is not resolved. The scene ends with a moment of humor as Lifesaver, a dog, urinates on Geoff in response to his aggressive words.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Exploration of themes
  • Compelling conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some potentially offensive language and actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, with intense dialogue, strong character dynamics, and a deep exploration of themes. It effectively sets up the conflict and tension between the characters, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the clash of cultures, belief systems, and morality is executed effectively in the scene. The discussion around the 'Man in the Sky' and the implications of religion on the characters' actions adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, setting up the conflict between the Crow tribe and the white settlers. The revelation of past events and the characters' motivations drive the story forward and create intrigue.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the clash between Native American tribes and white settlers, delving into complex moral and religious themes with authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are compelling. Red Wolf's anger and defiance, Geoff's arrogance, and Little Owl's wisdom add layers to the scene and enhance the conflict.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in this scene, particularly in their beliefs and perceptions of each other. Red Wolf's anger and Geoff's arrogance are challenged, setting the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 9

Red Wolf's internal goal is to challenge the beliefs and actions of the white settlers, questioning the validity of their faith and moral values. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and protection of his tribe's land and culture.

External Goal: 8

Red Wolf's external goal is to defend his tribe's land and resources from the encroachment of the white settlers. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining their way of life in the face of colonization.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the Crow tribe and the white settlers is palpable in the scene, with tensions running high and emotions flaring. The clash of beliefs and values creates a compelling conflict that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values driving the characters' actions and dialogue.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the conflict between the Crow tribe and the white settlers escalates. The characters' beliefs, values, and lives are on the line, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing the conflict between the Crow tribe and the white settlers, revealing past events, and setting up future confrontations. It adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and moral ambiguity of the characters' actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the Native American belief in the Great Spirit and the white settlers' interpretation of God's will. This challenges Red Wolf's values and worldview, questioning the morality of the settlers' actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly anger, defiance, and reflection. The intense dialogue and character interactions create a powerful emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is intense, thought-provoking, and drives the scene forward. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions, beliefs, and motivations, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, moral dilemmas, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emphasizes the emotional stakes of the characters' conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the setting and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • Geoff's defiant speech is somewhat repetitive and over-the-top. Consider trimming it down and making his arguments more concise.
  • The dialogue between Red Wolf and Geoff could be more dynamic. Try adding more back-and-forth and varying the tone of their speech.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual description. Consider adding details about the setting, the characters' body language, and the overall atmosphere.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt. Consider adding a brief moment of resolution or closure before cutting away.
Suggestions
  • Consider having Red Wolf interrupt Geoff's speech sooner, before he gets too carried away.
  • Try adding a moment where Geoff and Red Wolf stare each other down in silence, building tension before the trapper's outburst.
  • Add a line or two of dialogue from Little Owl or Spotted Wolf, reacting to Geoff's speech and adding to the sense of conflict.
  • End the scene with a shot of Red Wolf walking away, his face grim and determined, to emphasize the consequences of Geoff's actions.



Scene 17 -  A Fateful Encounter: Geoff's Fate Hangs in the Balance
INT. CROW CHIEFTAN'S TEEPEE - DAWN

A blindfolded Geoff snaps awake on a dirt floor lying face
down, gagged, and hogtied in the center of a teepee.
26.


Strewn around the tent's perimeter is an assortment of gear:
long guns, knives, sidearms, powder horns, traps, liquor
flasks, and bibles. Nearby sits an impressive pile of furs,
pelts and skins.

Sensing he is alone, the trapper squirms and drags his head
along the ground. He fails to spit out the gag, but succeeds
in dislodging his blindfold.

The weathered Crow leader sits cross-legged less than six
feet from the trapper, eyes fixed intently on the bound man.
With a snort of surprise, Geoff scoots back and fights to
sit upright.

RED WOLF
Awake, yes? Time we had a talk,
don't you think?

In one smooth motion, Red Wolf rises, Bowie knife in hand,
and approaches Geoff, who winces and shifts his body weight,
looking nervously for an escape route.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Take it easy, you'll hurt yourself.
If I wished you dead you would be
wolf bait by now. Turn around, yes?

The white man rolls over onto his belly in compliance. With
deft precision, Red Wolf neatly cuts the rope connecting the
man's ankles to his wrists.

Geoff cries out in relief as his gag is removed and he
assumes a somewhat normal seated position, albeit with hands
and feet still bound.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
My wife and son would prefer I put
this knife in your chest. Offered
to do it themselves, in fact.

Geoff raises his voice to protest but is cut off by the
older man, whose face grows deadly serious as he raises the
razor-sharp blade. Maintaining eye contact, Red Wolf
smoothly shaves off a bit of the trapper's beard, leaving a
bare patch on his reddened, still-smarting jawline.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
(solemn)
I meant what I said.

Lowering the knife, his voice brightens.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
I was raised to value every life.
(MORE)
27.


RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Even yours. I still do. Raised my
children the same way.

Red Wolf takes a seat and settles in as he elaborates.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Now, whether you leave here with
yours is entirely up to you. Speak
the truth, you may live to rejoin
your Mother. But if you lie to me,
you will be stripped naked, staked
to the ground, covered with fish
guts and left for the wolves.

Dead silence reinforces the seriousness of the threat.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Don't worry, the ravens will pluck
out your eyes so you don't have to
watch. That is, if the bears don't
find you first, of course.

Geoff swallows hard, realizing that his very life may depend
on his next words. The chieftain leans in and raises the
Bowie under the trapper's chin.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
You have a tale to tell, yes?
Why were you in the mountains
without gear, and covered in blood?
Nothing lives there but goat and
cougars. Where were you going?
Did you lose your way? And you are
travelling with a Blackfoot dog?
Excellent trackers. Very loyal and
protective. For some reason, he
doesn't seem too fond of you.

GEOFF
Good. I don't like that damn hound,
either. Belonged to my partner.
Told me he got him in trade from
the Piegans. Guess he just follows
me around out of habit. Never did
like me, the little prick.

Lifesaver pokes his head into the teepee. The chief shoos
him away and the furry scout retreats.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Let me apologize for what I said
last night.
(MORE)
28.


GEOFF (CONT'D)
My words were those of a man
certain that his end was near. I
was half-crazed. Terrified.

Adopting a respectful tone, the white man continues.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Recent events have bid me to forget
myself. To behave contrary to my
civilized nature. I am genuinely
sorry for what happened to your
Mother. She sounds like she was a
true Child of God.

RED WOLF
You are kind to say. I forgive you
for last night. We will 'turn the
other cheek', yes? Please continue.

The trapper raises his bound hands and rubs his face, prints
still visible from last night's reprimands.

GEOFF
Very well, Old Crow. Allow me to
impart to you the harrowing ordeal
I endured, and how you came to find
me in such wretched condition.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Western"]

Summary Geoff, a blindfolded and gagged trapper, wakes up in Red Wolf's teepee and finds himself hogtied in the center of the tent, surrounded by weapons and furs. Red Wolf, the Crow leader, cuts him free and makes it clear that Geoff's life depends on his honesty. The tense scene is filled with suspicion and hostility, but Geoff's respectful tone and truthful recount of his situation resolve the conflict, leading Red Wolf to listen intently to his story.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Tension-building
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayals
  • Some cliched elements in the interrogation setup

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension, reveals character motivations, and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions. The dialogue is engaging, and the emotional impact is palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a captured trapper facing interrogation by a Native American chieftain is compelling and offers opportunities for exploring themes of redemption, cultural differences, and survival.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the trapper reveals his backstory and potential motivations, setting the stage for future developments and conflicts. The scene is crucial for character dynamics and potential plot twists.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and cultural context, with fresh approaches to character interactions and power dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with the Crow chieftain displaying a mix of sternness and compassion, while the trapper shows vulnerability and cunning. Their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The scene hints at potential character growth and changes, especially for the trapper as he navigates the chieftain's interrogation and confronts his past actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to survive and navigate the dangerous situation he finds himself in. His deeper need is to find a way to communicate effectively with Red Wolf and convince him of his innocence.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to convince Red Wolf of his innocence and gain his trust to avoid being killed or harmed. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of survival and communication in a hostile environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the trapper and the Crow chieftain, as well as the internal conflicts within the characters, creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between the characters. Geoff faces a difficult challenge in navigating Red Wolf's sense of justice and morality.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of life and death, trust and betrayal, and cultural clashes elevate the tension and importance of the scene, setting the stage for potential dramatic developments.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the trapper's backstory, motivations, and potential alliances or conflicts within the Crow tribe.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding to the suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Geoff's survival instincts and Red Wolf's sense of justice and morality. Geoff must navigate this conflict to ensure his safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to empathy and regret. The characters' vulnerabilities and motivations add to the emotional depth of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, revealing character motivations, tensions, and potential conflicts. It drives the scene forward and adds layers to the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and high stakes for the characters. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and physical actions. The rhythm contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character interactions and development. It effectively builds tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The exposition is rather extensive and it is largely dominated by the Crow leader, which makes Geoff's character slightly passive at this point in the story.
  • Some of the dialogue from the Crow leader seems unnatural and even awkward. Formal language like "Awake, yes? Time we had a talk, don't you think?" is forced and unnatural. Substituting vernacular such as "Yo, wakey, wakey. Let's powwow." would make the dialog more natural and increase the authenticity of the scene.
  • The Crow leader's threat to torture and kill Geoff is quite gruesome. While it may be accurate to the time period and setting, it is also quite graphic and could be off-putting to some readers.
Suggestions
  • Consider breaking up the exposition into smaller chunks and giving Geoff more opportunities to speak and interact with the Crow leader. This will help to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
  • Revise the Crow leader's dialogue to make it more natural and authentic. This will help to make the character more believable and relatable.
  • Consider toning down the graphic nature of the Crow leader's threat. This will help to make the scene more accessible to a wider range of readers.



Scene 18 -  A Nostalgic Journey Through the Montana Wilderness
EXT. MONTANA WILDERNESS - AFTERNOON

FLASHBACK

Geoff and his partner Hervé (40's paunchy, bald) ride horses
along a pastoral stretch of grassland, looking up to see the
high mountains in the distance. A loaded pack mule is
tethered to Geoff's saddle.

GEOFF (V.O.)
My partner and I started out from
Bannack 2 months ago. We followed
the game trails and hoped to make
it up to Salish Lake before the
first frost. Following the path of
Mr. Lewis and Mr. Clark, we reached
Clearwater a fortnight ago.

Hervé pulls in an empty beaver trap from the edge of a pond.
Geoff checks a snare, to find only the chewed-off rear leg
of a rabbit remaining. He pulls the rabbit's foot out and
tucks it in his trouser pocket.
29.


GEOFF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Trapping was poor, so we headed
North and made camp no more than
three days travel from here.

END FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Western","Historical","Drama"]

Summary In a flashback to their Montana wilderness journey two months ago, Geoff and Hervé ride horses, follow game trails, and trap game. Struggling to find game, they make camp nearby. Despite the challenges, they share a sense of camaraderie and nostalgia. The scene is filled with visuals of grassland, distant mountains, and a rabbit's foot memento, accompanied by reflective narration from Geoff.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Engaging plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some potentially offensive content
  • Lack of resolution for certain plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict while delving into the complex dynamics between the characters. It sets up intriguing moral dilemmas and leaves the audience wanting to know more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of cultural clash, survival, and moral ambiguity is well-executed in the scene. It introduces thought-provoking themes and raises questions about mercy, betrayal, and redemption.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and filled with twists and turns, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. It effectively sets up conflicts and dilemmas that drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its historical references, survivalist themes, and detailed portrayal of wilderness exploration. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene. Each character has clear motivations and contributes to the overall tension and conflict.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff undergoes a significant change in the scene, from desperation to a glimmer of hope for redemption. His interactions with the Crow tribe challenge his beliefs and values.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to survive and thrive in the wilderness, showcasing his resilience, determination, and adaptability in the face of challenges.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to find a suitable location to make camp and secure resources for survival, such as food and shelter.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts that drive the narrative forward. The conflicts between the characters create tension and keep the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to present challenges and obstacles for the characters, creating tension and uncertainty about their survival and progress.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Geoff's life hangs in the balance and the characters are forced to make difficult decisions that will have lasting consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and dilemmas that will impact the characters' journeys. It sets up future developments and keeps the audience invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents challenges and obstacles that keep the audience guessing about the characters' survival and next steps.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' relationship with nature and their reliance on traditional survival skills. It challenges Geoff's beliefs about his connection to the land and the importance of respecting the natural world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anger and disappointment to hope and redemption. The characters' struggles and dilemmas resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and motivations. It adds to the tension and conflict in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the characters' survival journey, with a blend of historical context, rugged atmosphere, and character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing exposition, action, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, establishing the setting, characters, and conflict in a clear and engaging manner.


Critique
  • The opening flashback provides little relevant information to the current situation and does not appear to advance the plot or character development in a meaningful way.
  • The dialogue lacks naturalism and authenticity, with characters delivering exposition-heavy lines that feel forced and unnatural.
  • The use of flashbacks can be confusing for readers and can disrupt the flow of the narrative.
  • The scene lacks clear stakes and tension, making it difficult for readers to engage with the characters or their journey.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow and meandering, with unnecessary details and exposition that could be streamlined to create a more engaging and focused narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider opening the scene with a more engaging and relevant hook that sets up the conflict and establishes the stakes for the characters.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic, with characters speaking in a way that reflects their personalities and motivations.
  • Use flashbacks sparingly and only when they are absolutely necessary to advance the plot or character development in a meaningful way.
  • Increase the tension and stakes of the scene by introducing a clear conflict or obstacle that the characters must face and overcome.
  • Streamline the pacing of the scene by removing unnecessary details and exposition, and focusing on the most important elements that drive the narrative forward.



Scene 19 -  Ambush and Divine Intervention: A Trapper's Tale
INT. CROW CHIEFTAN'S TEEPEE - CONTINUOUS

Red Wolf nods as the trapper continues.

GEOFF
Five nights ago, as we slept, we
were ambushed by a Blackfoot
raiding party.

RED WOLF
The Blackfeet are protective of
their land. They do not welcome
strangers and kill poachers on
sight. How did you escape?
If you were caught trespassing,
likely you would not be speaking
with me now. My brothers leave none
alive, yet here you are.

GEOFF
The good Lord was watching over me
that awful night.
Genres: ["Historical Fiction","Drama"]

Summary In the teepee of Crow Chief Red Wolf, trapper Geoff recounts an ambush by a Blackfoot raiding party. Believing divine intervention saved him, Geoff's cultural perspective clashes with Red Wolf's disbelief and skepticism, creating tension and curiosity. The scene ends with Red Wolf pondering Geoff's story, leaving the truth uncertain.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Exploration of cultural themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayals
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping and intense, with a strong focus on character dynamics and conflicting beliefs. It keeps the audience engaged and sets up further conflict and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of cultural clash and survival in a historical setting is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot thickens as Geoff's testimony raises questions about his true intentions and the potential consequences for the Crow tribe. It sets the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its exploration of cultural and historical themes, as well as the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue. The clash of cultures and values adds a fresh perspective to familiar storytelling tropes.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Red Wolf and Geoff, are well-developed and their interactions are layered with tension and emotion. Each character's motivations and beliefs are clearly portrayed.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff's testimony and the reactions of the Crow tribe challenge and potentially change his character, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Red Wolf's internal goal in this scene is to understand how the trapper managed to escape the Blackfoot raiding party and to assess his character and intentions. This reflects Red Wolf's deeper need to protect his tribe and maintain their safety, as well as his desire to uphold their traditions and values.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about the trapper's encounter with the Blackfoot raiding party and to determine if he poses a threat to the tribe. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of ensuring the safety and security of the tribe.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the Crow tribe and Geoff, as well as the underlying tensions and suspicions, create a high level of conflict that keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and beliefs creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of trust, survival, and cultural clash heighten the tension and create a sense of urgency in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and raising questions about the future direction of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of the interaction between Red Wolf and the trapper, as well as the conflicting values and beliefs that drive the dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash of cultures and values between the Native American tribe and the trapper. Red Wolf's questioning of the trapper's actions and intentions challenges his own beliefs and values, highlighting the differences in their worldviews.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly tension and distrust, as the characters navigate a precarious situation with high stakes.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the conflicting perspectives of the characters and driving the scene forward with intensity.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the mystery surrounding the trapper's escape, and the cultural and historical context that adds depth to the narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing for character development and thematic exploration.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and narrative description.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • In this scene, the trapper Geoff attributes his survival of the Blackfoot ambush to divine intervention, which is inconsistent with Red Wolf's earlier statement that the Blackfeet kill poachers on sight. This inconsistency undermines the credibility of Geoff's story and weakens the tension of the scene.
  • The dialogue is somewhat repetitive, with both Geoff and Red Wolf making similar points about the Blackfeet's hostility and Geoff's belief in divine protection. This redundancy slows down the pace of the scene and makes it less engaging for the reader.
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It seems to be primarily a way to reveal that Geoff was trespassing on Blackfoot land, but this information could have been conveyed more efficiently in a previous scene or through dialogue.
  • The scene's ending is abrupt and unsatisfying. It simply cuts off without providing any resolution or closure to the situation between Geoff and Red Wolf. This leaves the reader feeling disoriented and unsatisfied.
Suggestions
  • To improve the scene, consider removing the reference to Geoff's divine protection and instead focus on his resourcefulness and survival skills.
  • Tighten up the dialogue by eliminating unnecessary repetition and focusing on the key points of the conversation.
  • Give the scene a clearer purpose by establishing a specific goal or conflict that Geoff and Red Wolf are working towards.
  • Provide a more satisfying ending to the scene by showing how Geoff's story affects Red Wolf's opinion of him or by hinting at the consequences of his trespassing.



Scene 20 -  Nighttime Attack on Trappers' Camp
EXT. TRAPPER'S CAMP - NIGHT

FLASHBACK

The two white men lie wrapped in blankets on the ground near
their fire. A pair of horses and a mule are tied to adjacent
trees. Shifting uncomfortably, Geoff rises in exasperation
and trots out of camp while Hervé remains sleeping.

GEOFF (V.O.)
I was awakened from my slumber by a
rumbling in my bowels. As I was
shitting in the dark, I watched
four of the murderous savages enter
our camp.

Crouching in the darkness, the trapper sees four shadowy
figures silently enter the ring of glowing firelight.

One swiftly unties the mounts and leads them off. Another
brandishes a wicked-looking knife as a third gathers the
drying skins. The fourth points to Geoff's empty bedding and
darts into the woods.
30.


Blade in hand, the Blackfoot warrior pounces on the sleeping
man. He sits atop the trapper's partner, pinning the
struggling Hervé to the ground in his blanket.

GEOFF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
My partner was held down as those
bloodthirsty demons tore his scalp
from his skull.

The forests echo with a bloodcurdling shriek as the
Blackfoot savagely drags his blade across the white man's
forehead.

Blood streams down his face as Hervé spies Geoff hiding in
the underbrush. Their terrified eyes meet for a split-second
as the doomed trapper's screams reach a crescendo before
ending abruptly.

END FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Drama","Western","Historical"]

Summary In a tense and violent nighttime scene, two white trappers, Geoff and Hervé, are attacked in their camp by four Blackfoot warriors. From his hiding place in the underbrush, Geoff watches in horror as the warriors untie their horses, gather drying skins, and kill Hervé by tearing his scalp off. The scene ends abruptly, leaving Geoff and the audience in shock and horror.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective use of flashback
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Potential for graphic violence
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense and gripping, effectively setting up the harsh realities of the wilderness and the potential conflicts between different groups. The flashback adds depth to the story and characters, creating a sense of foreboding and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival, betrayal, and cultural clashes is well-executed in this scene. The flashback adds layers to the narrative and sets up potential conflicts and character motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with the revelation of the violent ambush, adding complexity to the characters and their relationships. The scene sets up potential conflicts and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a violent confrontation between white trappers and indigenous warriors, with a focus on the brutal nature of survival in the wilderness. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are starting to show their true colors in this scene, with Geoff's desperation and the Blackfoot warriors' brutality coming to the forefront. The flashback adds depth to their motivations and actions.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff's desperation and fear are further revealed in this scene, showing his vulnerability and the harsh consequences of his actions. The flashback adds depth to his character and sets up potential growth or change.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and protection of himself and his partner. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security in a hostile environment.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to defend himself and his partner against the attacking Blackfoot warriors. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing of staying alive in a dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the violent ambush and betrayal adding tension and raising the stakes for the characters. The clash between different groups and the struggle for survival create a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a life-threatening situation and uncertain outcome, creating a sense of danger and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing betrayal, violence, and the harsh realities of the wilderness. The potential conflicts and consequences raise the tension and danger for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key events from the past that impact the present narrative. The flashback adds depth to the plot and characters, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking violence, unexpected twists in the plot, and the uncertain outcome for the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash of cultures and values between the white trappers and the Blackfoot warriors. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the indigenous people and the morality of violence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, desperation, and sadness, especially during the brutal ambush. The emotional impact is heightened by the characters' reactions and the harsh realities they face.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and fear in the scene, especially during the flashback of the ambush. The sparse but impactful lines enhance the atmosphere and character dynamics.

Engagement: 10

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, high stakes, and emotional impact. The danger and suspense keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and intense, with a rhythm that builds tension and suspense effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre of historical drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The use of words like "murderous savages" and "bloodthirsty demons" to describe the Blackfoot people comes across as hostile, insensitive, and perpetuates negative stereotypes.
  • The sound effects like "bloodcurdling shriek" are blunt and could be replaced with more impactful descriptions to evoke emotional responses.
  • The pacing feels rushed, with important details like the number of attackers, their physical features, and Geoff's initial reaction being omitted.
  • Geoff's narration is lengthy and expository, which can slow down the scene's momentum and make it less engaging for readers.
  • The violent imagery may be gratuitous and could overshadow the emotional impact of the scene by focusing on gore rather than the characters' experiences or motivations.
Suggestions
  • Reconsider the language used to describe the Blackfoot people, opting for neutral and respectful terms that acknowledge their humanity.
  • Use evocative and sensory language to create a vivid and immersive experience for readers, allowing them to feel the emotions of the characters.
  • Expand on the details of the scene, including the attackers' appearance, Geoff's initial reaction, and the specific actions that take place during the ambush.
  • Consider breaking up Geoff's narration into shorter, more manageable chunks, or explore alternative storytelling techniques such as dialogue or action sequences.
  • Strike a balance between depicting the violence and using it as a tool to explore themes or character development, ensuring that it serves the overall narrative purpose.



Scene 21 -  Geoff Recounts the Traumatic Story of His Partner Hervé's Death
INT. CROW CHIEFTAN'S TEEPEE - CONTINUOUS

GEOFF
His screams are still fresh in my
ears. The bastards slit his throat.
Left him to die.
(angry)
They took everything, horses, mule,
skins. It was a miracle from God
they didn't see me. When I was sure
they were gone, I emerged from
cover. Rushed in to try and aid my
partner. It was too late.
(sobs)
Hervé died in my arms. It was his
blood on my buckskins.

The Crow patriarch nods, seeming to accept the man's account
and urging him to continue.

RED WOLF
And the bruises on your back?

GEOFF
What? Those? Aw hell--
(sad laugh)
Kicked by my own horse. God only
knows what happened to him.

RED WOLF
Go on.
31.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In this somber and emotional scene, Geoff tells Red Wolf the story of how Hervé was killed by thieves. He describes finding Hervé with a slit throat and holding him as he died. Geoff also reveals that the bruises on his back, previously assumed to be from the thieves, were actually caused by his own horse. The scene takes place inside the Crow chieftain's teepee and highlights the conflict between Geoff's desire to tell the truth and his fear of appearing weak. The dialogue and visual elements emphasize Geoff's emotional state and the traumatic events of Hervé's death. The scene ends with Red Wolf urging Geoff to continue his story.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Compelling narrative
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of visual action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally impactful, with strong character development and a compelling narrative that delves into the complexities of the characters' past experiences.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a violent encounter and the emotional toll it takes on the characters is well-executed, adding depth to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot is driven by Geoff's retelling of a pivotal moment in his past, shedding light on his character and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates originality through its historical setting, authentic dialogue, and the exploration of themes of guilt, redemption, and justice.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are richly developed, with Geoff's vulnerability and Red Wolf's empathy shining through in their interactions.

Character Changes: 8

Geoff's recounting of the traumatic event reveals a vulnerable side to his character, showcasing growth and complexity.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to process the trauma of witnessing his partner's death and feeling guilty for not being able to save him. This reflects his deeper need for redemption, his fear of failure, and his desire for closure.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal in this scene is to recount the events of the attack and seek justice for his partner's death. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the aftermath of the raid.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Geoff's past trauma and Red Wolf's empathy creates tension and emotional depth in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Geoff facing internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of survival and loss are evident in Geoff's recounting of the traumatic event, adding tension and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides important backstory and character development, moving the narrative forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Geoff's account and the unresolved questions about the raid and his partner's death.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the theme of justice and revenge versus forgiveness and acceptance. Geoff's desire for retribution clashes with the Crow patriarch's calm acceptance of the situation, challenging Geoff's beliefs about justice and closure.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through Geoff's recounting of a traumatic event, drawing the audience into the characters' pain and sorrow.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional weight of the scene, capturing the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, dramatic conflict, and the mystery surrounding the attack and Geoff's partner's death.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing the audience to connect with Geoff's trauma and the patriarch's response.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that advance the narrative.


Critique
  • The dialogue is not very engaging. It could be more descriptive and use more action verbs.
  • The scene is not very clear. It is difficult to understand what is happening and why.
  • The scene could be more concise. It could be cut down to about half of its length without losing any of the important information.
  • The scene is not very suspenseful. It is easy to guess what is going to happen next.
  • The character of Geoff is not very well-developed. He is not given much personality or motivation.
  • The dialogue in this scene is a bit wooden and unnatural. It doesn't feel like real people talking.
Suggestions
  • Add more description to the dialogue. Use more action verbs and描写 adjectives to make the scene more vivid.
  • Make the scene clearer by explaining what is happening and why. Use more specific language and avoid using vague terms.
  • Cut down the scene to about half of its length. Remove any unnecessary dialogue or action.
  • Add more suspense to the scene by building up to the climax slowly. Use foreshadowing and suspenseful language.
  • Develop the character of Geoff more by giving him more personality and motivation. Explain his backstory and his goals.
  • Rephrase the dialogue to make it sound more natural. Use contractions and colloquialisms to make the characters sound more like real people.



Scene 22 -  Geoff's Revenge: A Deadly Encounter at the Trapper's Camp
EXT. TRAPPER'S CAMP - NIGHT

FLASHBACK

At the now empty campsite, Geoff stands covered in blood.
Faint gurgling sounds emanate from Hervé's slashed throat,
blood trickling down his now bare skull. Listening intently,
Geoff darts into the darkness of the bushes and hides.

GEOFF (V.O.)
Blackfeet always come back. Flush
out survivors, finish off the
wounded. I figured they still
wanted my scalp, so I hid. Hoping I
could get my horse back, maybe make
them pay for what they did to my
partner. One of them did come back,
with Hervé's satchel, pistol, and
that rifle over there. He emptied
my partner's pockets and started
pulling off his boots.

A teenage Blackfoot warrior re-enters the deserted campsite
leading one of the horses. In his other hand is a long gun.
He walks over to Hervé's corpse and searches his clothes,
tucking some coins into the satchel before grabbing a heel
and yanking.

GEOFF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I saw my opportunity. Crept up
behind him to dash his brains in.

The trapper sneaks up on the Blackfoot, preparing to smash
him in the head with a rock. At the edge of the firelight, a
scruffy Mutt watches the scene, tail wagging.

END FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Western","Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a dark and tense flashback scene, Geoff, a scruffy Mutt, and a teenage Blackfoot warrior converge at an empty trapper's camp at night. After Hervé's death, Geoff is covered in blood, while the Blackfoot warrior searches Hervé's body, taking his satchel, pistol, and rifle. As the warrior prepares to leave, Geoff sneaks up, preparing to attack in revenge. The Mutt observes, wagging its tail. The scene ends with Geoff poised to strike, building tension and anticipation for the outcome.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Potential for more visual descriptions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping and emotionally charged, with a strong focus on character dynamics and the unfolding of a tense situation. The flashback adds depth to the story and enhances the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival, betrayal, and revenge is well-executed, drawing the audience into the harsh world of the Montana wilderness and the complex relationships between the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging and well-developed, with a mix of action, suspense, and emotional depth. The flashback adds layers to the story and keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the Western genre by focusing on the personal vendetta of the protagonist and the moral dilemmas he faces. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are multi-dimensional and their interactions drive the tension and conflict in the scene. Each character's motivations and actions are clear and contribute to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Geoff undergoes a significant change in the scene, from desperation and fear to a moment of decision and action. His character arc is compelling and adds depth to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to seek revenge for what happened to his partner and to survive the encounter with the Blackfoot warrior. This reflects his deeper need for justice and his fear of being killed.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to retrieve his horse and make the Blackfeet pay for what they did to his partner. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the attack and the need for survival in the wilderness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and drives the narrative forward, creating tension and suspense. The clash of motivations and the characters' conflicting goals heighten the stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Geoff faces a life-or-death situation with the Blackfoot warrior. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing life-threatening situations, moral dilemmas, and the consequences of their actions. The tension and suspense are heightened by the risks involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key backstory elements, deepening the conflict between the characters, and setting up future developments. It adds layers to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of Geoff's encounter with the Blackfoot warrior is uncertain. The presence of the Mutt adds an element of surprise to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between revenge and survival. Geoff must decide whether to seek revenge for his partner's death or focus on surviving the encounter with the Blackfoot warrior. This challenges his beliefs about justice and the value of human life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through the characters' struggles and the intense moments of betrayal and survival. The emotional depth adds layers to the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the conflict between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, moral dilemmas, and suspenseful atmosphere. The reader is drawn into Geoff's struggle for survival and revenge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension leading to the climactic moment of Geoff's decision to attack the Blackfoot warrior. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in the Western genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a flashback in a Western screenplay, effectively building tension and revealing character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene lack a clear purpose and does not advance the narrative or develop the characters.
  • The transitions between the flashbacks and the present are abrupt and confusing, making it difficult for the reader to understand what is happening.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and does not contribute to the development of the characters or the plot.
  • The action is described in a detached and unemotional way, making it difficult for the reader to connect with the characters or the events of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Revise the scene to give it a clear purpose and direction.
  • Smooth out the transitions between the flashbacks and the present, making it easier for the reader to follow the story.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add more emotion and detail to the description of the action, making it more engaging for the reader.



Scene 23 -  Geoff's Brush with Violence: A Life-or-Death Struggle
INT. CROW CHIEFTAN'S TEEPEE - CONTINUOUS

GEOFF
For some reason, whether out of
spite or just to see me dead, that
furry little prick decided to bark.
The scout saw me and instantly I
was fighting for my life. You can
see by these scratches, he almost
took my eye out. We fell to the
ground and he went for that pistol.

Geoff points to the weapon.
32.


EXT. TRAPPER'S CAMP - NIGHT

FLASHBACK

The larger white man shoves the slim Blackfoot, who stumbles
backward and trips. Geoff rushes to mount the fallen teen.

GEOFF (V.O.)
By the grace of God, I gained the
upper hand. Cracked him good with
my rock just as the gun went off.

The youth grasps the handgun, bringing his arm around to
fire. The older man deflects the boy's limb with one hand
and brings his rock down with the other.

As his stone weapon impacts bone, the gun discharges and
Geoff's body is suddenly thrown violently forward.

GEOFF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
That's when he kicked me. Both
hooves, right in the back. Bastard
shot my horse! Couldn't believe it.

The trapper lies dazed, gasping for breath and moaning in
pain. He rolls around on the ground as his wounded horse
gallops off into the gloom.

GEOFF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Well, the horse run off, and that's
the last I seen of him.

Recovering, the white man looks down at the teen Blackfoot,
who stirs weakly, a trickle of blood running down his cheek.

A scowling and furious Geoff approaches and kneels down.
Raising the rock in both hands, he prepares to end the boy's
life, his face twisted in a deranged grin of sadistic glee.

END FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In a tense and violent flashback, Geoff recounts his physical fight with a Blackfoot teen during a previous encounter. The conflict, driven by survival instincts and dominance, takes place in a trapper's camp at night. Despite gaining the upper hand, wounding the teen, and preparing to deliver the final blow with a rock, Geoff ultimately spares the Blackfoot teen's life. The scene transitions between the Crow chieftain's teepee and the trapper's camp, leaving the outcome of the conflict unresolved. Geoff's scratches, the rock, the weakened state of the Blackfoot teen, and the wounded horse running off into the night serve as significant visual elements in this intense and uncertain scene.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Complex characters
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Morally ambiguous characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping and intense, with a strong focus on conflict and character dynamics. The violent and dark tone adds depth to the narrative, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of survival and revenge in a harsh wilderness setting is well-executed, with the scene effectively portraying the moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by intense conflict and character motivations, leading to a climactic confrontation that reveals the brutal nature of the characters and their actions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar conflict, showcasing the brutality and desperation of survival in a hostile environment. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are complex and morally ambiguous, adding depth to the scene. Geoff's descent into violence and revenge is a central focus, while the Blackfoot warrior's resilience and survival instincts are also highlighted.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff undergoes a significant change as he descends into violence and revenge, showcasing the darker aspects of his character. The Blackfoot warrior also demonstrates resilience and survival instincts.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to survive and assert his dominance over the Blackfoot teen. This reflects his deeper need for control and power in a dangerous situation.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to defeat the Blackfoot teen and protect himself from harm. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the confrontation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and drives the narrative forward, showcasing the characters' struggle for survival and their moral choices.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with a difficult challenge for the protagonist to overcome and uncertainty about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters' lives are on the line and their moral choices have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the characters' motivations and moral dilemmas, setting the stage for further conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the confrontation between Geoff and the Blackfoot teen.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash of cultures and values between the Native American tribe and the trapper. Geoff's actions challenge the beliefs and values of the Blackfoot teen, leading to a violent confrontation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of tension, fear, and desperation, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and moral dilemmas.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions of the scene, showcasing the conflicting motivations of the characters and their struggle for survival.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, drawing the audience into the conflict and the characters' struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The flashback is a bit unclear and confusing. It's not clear what's going on or why. The writer should consider rewriting the flashback to make it more clear and concise.
  • The scene is too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural. The writer should consider rewriting the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit anticlimactic. The writer should consider adding some more tension or conflict to the scene.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's mostly just a flashback that doesn't really have any bearing on the main story.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the flashback to make it more clear and concise.
  • Shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add some more tension or conflict to the scene.
  • Make sure the scene advances the plot.



Scene 24 -  Geoff's Necessary Act: A Tale of Survival
INT. CROW CHIEFTAN'S TEEPEE - CONTINUOUS

GEOFF
Bashed that Blackfoot with my rock
till he stopped moving. It was then
and there I resolved to skin and
eat that goddamn dog. Heard a
commotion and saw that the
Blackfeet were nearly upon me.
So, I left my partner's body,
gathered what I could and ran.
33.


EXT. MONTANA WILDERNESS - SUNDOWN

FLASHBACK

Wearing a satchel and carrying a rifle, Geoff heads into the
foothills of the mountains. His buckskins smeared with
blood, he looks back nervously every few hundred yards.

GEOFF (V.O.)
I knew the Blackfeet wouldn't lead
their horses into snow, so I made
my way to the mountains.

As he reaches the snow and begins hiking the steep incline,
the Mutt pokes his head around a tree and trots along at a
distance.

GEOFF (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And that is where you found me,
frozen half to death, fixing to eat
that asshole dog.

END FLASHBACK
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In a dark and tense scene, Geoff, a lone survivor, shares his harrowing experience of killing a Blackfoot and eating his dog for survival. The flashback reveals Geoff's blood-streaked buckskins and the Montana wilderness during sunset. The internal conflict of survival and morality is evident in Geoff's narrative, while the external conflict of the Blackfeet chasing him adds to the tension. The scene ends with Geoff finishing his story and the flashback fading out.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Exploration of moral ambiguity
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of violence may be too graphic for sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of desperation and tension, drawing the audience into the harsh world of the characters. The dark tone and intense emotions portrayed contribute to a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival in a brutal wilderness setting is well-executed, with themes of betrayal and moral ambiguity adding depth to the story. The scene effectively explores the complexities of human nature under extreme circumstances.

Plot: 8

The plot unfolds with a series of flashbacks that reveal the protagonist's past actions and the consequences he faces in the present. The conflict and tension drive the narrative forward, keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the survival genre by blending elements of Native American culture and historical context. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed, each with their own motivations and internal struggles. Geoff's moral dilemma and survival instincts are particularly compelling, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff undergoes a significant internal change as he grapples with his past actions and the consequences he faces in the present. His moral dilemma and survival instincts drive his character development throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and escape the imminent threat from the Blackfeet tribe. This reflects his primal instinct for self-preservation and fear of death.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to evade capture by the Blackfeet tribe and find safety in the mountains. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of being hunted and the challenge of survival in the wilderness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the narrative forward and heightening the tension. The protagonist's moral dilemma and the threat of the Blackfeet add layers of conflict to the story.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a life-threatening situation and uncertain outcome. The audience is left wondering how he will overcome the challenges ahead.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the protagonist facing life-threatening situations and moral dilemmas. The threat of the Blackfeet and Geoff's desperate struggle for survival raise the stakes, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing key plot points and character motivations. The flashbacks provide important context for the protagonist's actions and decisions, driving the narrative towards a resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the protagonist's uncertain fate and the looming threat of the Blackfeet tribe. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's survival instincts and his moral compass. He is faced with the decision to eat the dog for survival, which goes against his values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the characters' struggles and dilemmas. The sense of desperation and hopelessness adds depth to the narrative, creating a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, adding to the tension and conflict in the scene. The interactions between characters reveal their complex relationships and inner turmoil.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense and suspenseful tone, keeping the reader invested in the protagonist's struggle for survival.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the reader into the protagonist's desperate situation and keeping the narrative momentum flowing.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between the present and flashback sequences. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene, where Geoff is about to kill the Blackfoot teen, to the flashback is abrupt and confusing. It would be helpful to provide a smoother transition that establishes the context of the flashback and Geoff's current state of mind.
  • The flashback itself is disjointed and lacks a clear narrative structure. It jumps between different events and locations without providing a clear sense of chronology or purpose. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow and understand the events of the flashback.
  • Geoff's narration is repetitive and lacks emotional depth. He simply states the facts of what happened without providing any insight into his thoughts or feelings at the time. This makes the flashback feel flat and unengaging.
  • The dialogue is clunky and unnatural. It does not sound like the way people actually speak, and it detracts from the realism of the scene.
  • The ending of the flashback is anticlimactic and unsatisfying. Geoff simply stops beating the Blackfoot teen without any clear explanation or resolution. This leaves the reader feeling confused and wondering what the point of the flashback was.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a brief description of the current setting and Geoff's state of mind. This will help to establish the context for the flashback.
  • Use transitions such as "Geoff recalled" or "In his mind, he saw" to introduce the flashback and make it clear that the events are taking place in Geoff's memory.
  • Provide more detail and description in the flashback. This will help to create a more vivid and engaging scene for the reader.
  • Add dialogue to the flashback, but make it sound natural and believable. This will help to bring the characters to life and make the scene more engaging.
  • Give the flashback a clear ending that resolves the conflict and provides a sense of closure for the reader.



Scene 25 -  A Wary Parting: Red Wolf Spares Geoff's Life
INT. CROW CHIEFTAN'S TEEPEE - CONTINUOUS

GEOFF
I am convinced that, if it was not
for my profound and abiding faith
in the Good Lord above, I would not
have had the strength or fortitude
to prevail. Amen?

RED WOLF
Amen. Quite a story. Yes it was.
One thing. It wasn't the Man in the
Sky who saved your life. It was
that asshole dog, yes?
Had he not led us to you, the
wolves would have finished you
before dawn. You should show some
gratitude, yes?

The white man shrugs. Red Wolf lowers the knife, rubbing his
chin while Geoff's anxiety rises.

GEOFF
Please! You must believe me. I am
speaking the truth, I swear before
Almighty God! You are not like the
Blackfeet! They are ruthless
animals who kill for pleasure.
(MORE)
34.


GEOFF (CONT'D)
The Crow are merciful and just.
Please, I beg you to spare me and
allow me to repay your kindness!
Keep my traps, my gun, whatever I
have is yours! Let me live and I
can return and shower your family
with modern comforts befitting a
king. Let me reward your people for
saving my life. For your
hospitality. For our Mothers! For
not feeding me to the bloody bears!
Surely there is something I can
offer in exchange for my freedom?

Red Wolf casually gestures to the rows of weapons, stacks of
gold coins, Native silver bracelets and precious furs.

He retrieves a small watch from his loot and winds it before
putting a hand on Geoff's shoulder to make a proposal.

RED WOLF
There is a small canoe outside. The
children use it to fish. Light and
maneuverable. Strong enough to take
you far from this place, yes? Fill
it with gear, traps, and weapons.
All you will need. Depart from here
immediately and forever. You must
swear never to return. Tell not a
single person of us or our camp's
location. Do as I say, yes? If you
are a skilled navigator, you may
yet live to tell your own
grandchildren of your adventure.

The trapper agrees but gives the older man a puzzled look.

GEOFF
So that's it? You ask nothing of
me? You will simply release me and
send me downriver?

He motions to the gear and weapons.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
And I can take as much of this as I
want? There's a small fortune here.

RED WOLF
All that you see, I offer freely.
But you must go and never return.
35.


GEOFF
Forgive me Old Crow, but I don't
believe you. What's the catch?
If there's one thing civilization
has taught me, it's that no one
gives away something for nothing.
Not Ever.

RED WOLF
I am offering you Grace. That is
the Christian way, yes?

GEOFF
Whatever happened to those Holy
Men, anyway?

RED WOLF
Just leave us and never return.

GEOFF
How do I know that this current
won't send me right back to the
Blackfeet?

RED WOLF
I guess you will have to have
faith.

GEOFF
Look, Old Crow. Let me borrow one
of those ponies out there? I
promise to bring it back.

RED WOLF
No chance. In my old age, I have
become less trusting. Wiser as
well. My wife would disagree, yes?
I trusted a white man much like
yourself once and soon came to
regret it. His words were lies.
I should not have trusted them.
That lapse in judgement brought
great sadness upon my home, great
suffering. Anger. Loss. No, only
the Great Spirit can see the truth
of a man. I cannot, I see only his
deeds. Let me explain another way.
Do I believe you will honor your
promise? Not so much.

Head shaking, the Crow elder claps Geoff on his bruised
back. The man gasps in pain.
36.


RED WOLF (CONT'D)
It is likely that you would get
along with Crow horses no better
than you get along with Blackfoot
dogs. Better stick to the water,
yes? Less chance of another raiding
party, yes? Besides, my wife would
not be pleased. Those horses belong
to the tribe. We need them to move
our camp, to follow the herds. No,
we simply have none we can spare.
The canoe is all I have to offer.
Take it or leave it.

Grimacing, the trapper nods his agreement.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Alright then. Give me your word
that you will do exactly as I have
instructed, yes? Do you swear to
the Man in the Sky?

Geoff nods again.

GEOFF
You have my word. As a civilized
white man, forgiven through the
blood of Christ, I swear it.

RED WOLF
Your hands.

Red Wolf cuts the trapper's bindings, leaving him rubbing
his wrists as he unties his ankles. Rising to stand, Geoff's
feet refuse to hold his weight. Red Wolf reaches out to
steady him before turning to exit the teepee. In his free
hand, he holds a silver pocket watch, open and ticking.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
You have five minutes. Gather what
you need. One minute late, it's
fish guts and wolves. Understand?

GEOFF
Absolutely. Hey, I answered your
questions Old Crow. I have a
question for you.

Red Wolf nods.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
You and the missus speak pretty
good American. Better than most.
37.


RED WOLF
She understands French as well. But
you already knew that, yes?

GEOFF
Now, there is no way some priest
taught you all that in a few weeks.
How did you learn English?

The aged Crow flips a thumb at the dozen or so bibles. Many
are missing whole sections and torn out pages lay in piles.

RED WOLF
I read those. Many times. As did my
wife. The Holy Men left them when
they were sent away. They abandoned
the Man in the Sky. As the Sky Man
abandoned them to die starving in
the cold, yes? It was enjoyable to
read stories to the little ones of
The Jesus and his teachings. In the
end, we grew tired of the white
man's fables. We found another use
for their Holy books, yes?

Red Wolf comically mimes wiping his butt while the
distracted trapper scans the room for useful items.

GEOFF
Five minutes. Got it.

The unbound Geoff limps over to retrieve his rifle and looks
down the breech. It's empty.

RED WOLF
Unloaded. Your pistol, too.
Actually, none of those are loaded.
Guns are too dangerous to leave
lying around, yes? Someone could
get hurt. So we keep them here,
away from the children. Can't be
too careful, yes? Yes.

Pleased, he checks the watch as Geoff rummages for supplies.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
All right. I'll leave you to it.
You have three minutes left.
(stops and grins)
Just kidding. Four and a half.

To illustrate his point, Red Wolf lifts his fingers to his
head like ears, tilts his head back and howls.
38.


RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Arooooo--

He pauses mid-howl, looking a bit ashamed.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
I apologize. The Great Spirit would
not approve.

Pausing his frantic scavenging, Geoff engages finger guns at
Red Wolf and feigns amusement.

GEOFF
Ahhh, it's okay. That was a good
one, Old Crow. Ya got me.

As he departs, Red Wolf makes an announcement to the tribe.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
He has agreed. Fetch the canoe.

The trapper scowls and gimps over to the hides. He flips
over a grizzly bear skin. Snatching any weapons he can find,
Geoff scoops double handfuls of lead ammunition, gold coins
and silver, tossing them in a pile on the bear hide.

After drinking it dry, he empties all the smaller flasks
into one large one. He similarly pours black powder sloppily
from other powder horns into a large one.

While tossing some furs into his plunder, he spies something
familiar.

GEOFF
Oh, shit.

Reaching over, he palms a lookalike of the oversized Bowie
used to threaten him earlier.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Now THAT'S a knife!
(muttering)
Let me save this little beauty for
when I return.

Red Wolf abruptly reenters the teepee holding the watch.
Geoff looks up innocently, eyes wide, Bowie in hand. He
grins, sheaths the heavy blade and tosses it into the pile.

RED WOLF
Sorry. You've had a rough morning.
Take an extra minute. I will send
my grandsons to help, yes?
(MORE)
39.


RED WOLF (CONT'D)
(serious tone)
We have given this much thought,
and my people have one request--
Genres: ["Drama","Western"]

Summary In Red Wolf's teepee, suspicious Geoff gathers supplies as cautious Red Wolf, who speaks English from white man's bibles, cuts his bindings. Geoff insists God saved him, but Red Wolf argues it was his dog. Red Wolf offers a canoe for Geoff to leave and never return, which he eventually accepts, ending the tense scene.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the negotiation dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, engaging, and effectively conveys the tension and stakes of the negotiation. The dialogue is sharp and reveals important character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a negotiation between two characters from different cultures with conflicting interests is compelling and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as the trapper tries to secure his freedom while the Crow leader navigates his own sense of justice and mercy.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements of cultural clash, moral ambiguity, and dark humor, creating a unique and engaging narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Geoff and Red Wolf are well-developed and their motivations and conflicts are clearly portrayed through their interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Both Geoff and Red Wolf undergo subtle changes as they navigate the negotiation, revealing new facets of their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal is to convince Red Wolf of his innocence and secure his freedom by appealing to his sense of mercy and justice.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to escape from the Crow tribe and return to civilization with as much loot as possible.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the trapper's desire for freedom and the Crow leader's sense of justice and mercy creates tension and drives the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, moral dilemmas, and shifting power dynamics creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the negotiation, including the trapper's freedom and the Crow tribe's safety, heighten the tension and drive the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between the trapper and the Crow tribe, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics, moral choices, and unexpected humor, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Geoff's belief in the Christian values of honesty and redemption, and Red Wolf's skepticism and mistrust of outsiders.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to defiance, as the characters navigate the high stakes of the negotiation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, revealing character dynamics, cultural differences, and the high stakes of the negotiation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense negotiation, moral dilemmas, and dark humor, keeping the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' choices.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue, action descriptions, and scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure of negotiation, conflict, and resolution, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and can benefit from being trimmed. The dialogue is full of exposition and redundant information. For example, the line "I am convinced that, if it was not for my profound and abiding faith in the Good Lord above, I would not have had the strength or fortitude to prevail.", contains information that is already clear from the previous scene, where Geoff recounts his ordeal and attributes his survival to God's grace.
  • The dialogue lacks subtext and depth. The characters speak in a very straightforward manner, without any hidden intentions or unspoken emotions. This makes the dialogue feel flat and uninteresting. For example, when Red Wolf says "Just leave us and never return", it is not clear what he is really thinking or feeling. Is he afraid of Geoff? Does he pity him? The reader is left guessing.
  • The scene lacks tension and suspense and could benefit from introducing a conflict or obstacle that Geoff must overcome. For example, Geoff could be pursued by the Blackfeet, or he could have to face a natural disaster. This would add some excitement to the scene and make it more engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider cutting some of the dialogue and focusing on the most important moments in the scene, such as Geoff's plea for mercy and Red Wolf's offer of a canoe.
  • Infuse the dialogue with subtext and depth by giving the characters hidden intentions and unspoken emotions. Draw on the backstory of the characters and the situation they are in to create a sense of tension and suspense.
  • Introduce a conflict or obstacle that Geoff must overcome, such as a pursuit by the Blackfeet or a natural disaster. This will add some excitement to the scene and make it more engaging.



Scene 26 -  Geoff's Journey Begins: A Promised Voyage Down the River
EXT. CROW ENCAMPMENT - LATER

Kicking Bird and his brother are handing rifles, various
trapping equipment, and assorted camping gear to Geoff, who
is seated in the small, lightweight canoe as it rests at the
water's edge.

Red Wolf, Spotted Wolf, and Little Owl stand nearby watching
the proceedings.

GEOFF
So, it's what, five days travel by
water to Clearwater Lake?
And another six on foot from there
back to Bannack?

RED WOLF
Sounds about right.

The chieftain leans to confer with his stone-faced son.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
(Crow)
That went well, don't you think?

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
The sooner he leaves, the better.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
That's the idea.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
He answered your questions?

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
I doubt it.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
He did not disappoint. I was
surprised he could speak so well
with that forked tongue.
40.


SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
He is taking too long.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
White people are always late, son.
Everyone knows that.

The heavily laden canoe wobbles as Geoff wipes the sweat
from his brow, adjusts his grip on the paddle and prepares
to push away from the bank. The twins hand over the last of
the gear and join their relatives.

Looking at the absurd amount of items the trapper has
selected, the assembled Crow talk softly amongst themselves.

LAUGHING BIRD
(Crow)
He took WAY too much stuff. Look
how low he's sitting in the water.

KICKING BIRD
(Crow)
What's he doing? He has no use for
half of that. How many guns do you
need anyway?

LAUGHING BIRD
(Crow)
Papa, how far do you think he gets?

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
He will be lucky to survive the
shallows. Half a day before he
turtles and we're fishing his body
out of the river.

The young brothers nod in agreement.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Come on now, Son.
(English)
He is a civilized white man, yes?
His people have crossed vast
oceans. Navigated the mighty
rivers, like Mister Lewis and
Mister Clark. Came all this way
just to bring us civilization. We
should thank him, yes?
41.


SPOTTED WOLF
(bitterly in Crow)
They took her away from me.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
They stole her from all of us. But
we are still here, son.

KICKING BIRD
(Crow)
The water's freezing. He'd better
be a good swimmer.

LAUGHING BIRD
(Crow)
Pigs know how to swim?

KICKING BIRD
(Crow)
Who cares? The Man in the Sky will
protect him.

The group laughs, except for Spotted Wolf and Little Owl.

LITTLE OWL
Two days. Unless he ends up in the
White Woods.

Red Wolf takes his leave and walks to the river's edge to
bid farewell to their guest. He holds something small and
black in his hand.

RED WOLF
Take this with you, yes?
It belonged to Kansas Man.
He gave it to me before the bear.

He hands the bible to Geoff.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
We still have a few copies.
Who knows, maybe one day the Man in
the Sky will answer, yes?

GEOFF
Yes. Thanks. I'll take all the help
I can get, Old Crow. Sure you
didn't wipe your ass with it?

RED WOLF
Pretty sure. Have all you will
need? Enough food, yes? This gear,
you have enough, yes? Enough guns?
42.


Geoff leans and reaches out to grasp Red Wolf's forearm in a
farewell gesture.

GEOFF
You can never have enough guns.

RED WOLF
We shall see, my white brother.

The Crow chieftain crouches, holding the side of the canoe.
His voice adopts a stern, authoritative tone.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Now, stick to the route I outlined,
yes? Pay attention to the current
and stay close to the shore. If you
must stop, return to the water
quickly. The Blackfeet are not the
only danger you may encounter
downstream. Far from it. During
your second day's travel, you will
pass through a valley of aspens. Do
not stop there. Not for any reason.
Not to eat, not to sleep, not to
shit. Do not make camp, hunt, or
take any game. If it grows dark,
and you seek a place to sleep,
continue downstream until you
emerge from the valley and the
aspens are well behind you, yes?
(deadly certainty)
Hear my words, yes? Hear them well.
If you set foot on its shores,
especially after sunset, you will
never leave the White Woods again.

The trapper is momentarily taken aback, processing this new
information. His quizzical look is replaced with bemusement.

GEOFF
Why must I avoid these--
White Woods, exactly?

RED WOLF
It is a sacred place. The home of
the Great Spirit. The fiercest
Blackfoot warrior would not dare to
hunt there.

GEOFF
Well, what do you know? Old Crow
has a few fables of his own.

He raises the diminutive bible and wags it playfully.
43.


GEOFF (CONT'D)
Don't worry about me, my brother.
This will protect me. The Lord God
Almighty is my shield. What can
evil do if the Lord is my friend?
Yea, I shall not be sacrificed
until my time comes, then I shall
be offered freely to join the choir
of angels in Heaven.

Red Wolf knits his brow.

RED WOLF
Do as I say and do not enter the
White Wood, or that time you speak
of may arrive sooner than you
bargained for.

The skeptical trapper considers the odd request and defers.

GEOFF
Okay Old Crow, You done me a solid
turn, so I'll honor your wishes.
I will avoid your haunted forest.
And hey, if all else fails, I still
have these.

Powder horn around his neck, Geoff motions to the small
arsenal of firearms he has brought. Red Wolf rolls his eyes.

RED WOLF
Very well. There is nothing more I
can do to prepare you. I will bid
you farewell, yes? May the Man in
the Sky guide and protect you.

GEOFF
Amen to that, Old Crow. Amen to
that. Thank you. You saved my life.
I owe you a debt that I can never
repay. My regards to your family.
God bless them all. You'll-- uh,
forgive me if I keep my distance
from your wife and son.

Geoff rubs his swollen cheek as Red Wolf glances over to
Little Owl and Spotted Wolf, who stand silently with arms
crossed, expressions equal parts stoic and intimidating.

RED WOLF
They will understand.
Found an anchor there, yes?
44.


Resting between Geoff's feet on the floor of the canoe, is a
massive iron bear trap with it's links of bulky chain.

GEOFF
What can I say? Can't be too
careful. Bear can't eat you if you
eat him first. Besides--

The trapper rocks the canoe for emphasis.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
--These things tip too easy.
The weight will help steady the
boat. Trust me, I know what I'm
doing, Old Crow. Maybe I'll see you
again sometime, yes?

Red Wolf releases the boat and gives it a solid push.

RED WOLF
Not if I see you first.

Geoffry steadies the overloaded craft, and starts off
downstream. The canoe is instantly picked up by the current
and glides smoothly away from the camp.

The chief walks along the bank and rejoins his family.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Heed my words and do exactly as I
have instructed! Your eternal
spirit is in great jeopardy!

A furry blur bounces across the meadow, coming to rest at
his master's feet.

RED WOLF (CONT'D)
Oh, and thanks for the dog!

Tail wagging, Lifesaver lets out a steady stream of
aggressive barks at the departing fur trapper.

GEOFF
Yeah? Well, fuck you too!
Genres: ["Western","Historical","Drama"]

Summary Geoff, accompanied by Kicking Bird and other Crow tribe members, prepares to depart on his journey in a canoe. The group discusses the trip ahead, and Red Wolf gifts Geoff a Bible that once belonged to Kansas Man, warning him about the perilous White Woods. Despite underlying tension and skepticism from some Crow members, the scene remains lighthearted and humorous, with Geoff ultimately setting off downstream, accompanied by the well-wishes and cautions of the onlooking tribe.
Strengths
  • Strong dialogue
  • Effective tension-building
  • Cultural clash dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue
  • Slightly predictable foreshadowing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written with strong dialogue, tension, and foreshadowing. It effectively sets up future conflicts and establishes the cultural differences between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of cultural clash, survival, and superstition is well-developed and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot moves forward with the trapper's departure and the warning about the White Woods, setting up future events and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on cultural clashes and survival themes, with authentic dialogue and character dynamics that enhance the authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. The tension between Geoff and the Crow tribe adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

There is subtle character development, especially in Geoff's interactions with the Crow tribe, hinting at potential growth and change.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges and dangers of the upcoming journey while maintaining a sense of confidence and self-assurance.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully embark on a journey to Clearwater Lake and return to Bannack, facing potential dangers and obstacles along the way.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both overt and subtle, between the characters and their differing beliefs and motivations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the potential dangers of the journey and the cultural clashes adding complexity to the protagonist's goals.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high, with the warning about the White Woods and the cultural tensions between the characters, setting up potential danger and conflict.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up future conflicts and events, adding layers to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' reactions and the potential dangers hinted at for the upcoming journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash of cultural beliefs and values between the Crow tribe and the white trapper. The Crow's reverence for nature and spiritual beliefs contrast with the trapper's reliance on guns and skepticism of their traditions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to skepticism, adding depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the characters' personalities and conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic character interactions, cultural tensions, and foreshadowing of potential dangers on the journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and sets the stage for the protagonist's departure, with a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected style for the genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the characters' interactions and sets up the upcoming journey.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose and direction. It primarily involves Geoff preparing to leave the Crow encampment, but there is no significant conflict or resolution.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and predictable. Geoff makes several sarcastic remarks towards Red Wolf, and Red Wolf responds with warnings about the White Woods.
  • The scene is overly long and could be condensed without losing any essential information.
  • The characters are not well-developed and their motivations are not clearly defined. Geoff's decision to avoid the White Woods is not fully explained or believable.
  • The pacing is slow and the scene does not create any sense of urgency or suspense.
  • The dialogue is unnatural and does not reflect the way people speak in real life.
  • The scene lacks visual interest and does not provide a strong sense of setting.
Suggestions
  • Add a clear conflict or goal to the scene to drive the action and create suspense.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging.
  • Condense the scene by removing unnecessary details and repetitions.
  • Develop the characters more fully and give them clear motivations.
  • Increase the pacing and create a sense of urgency by adding obstacles or threats.
  • Use more descriptive language and imagery to create a strong sense of setting.
  • Consider adding a visual element to the scene, such as a physical object or a change in the environment.



Scene 27 -  Fur Trapper Geoff Taunts and Threatens Crow Onlookers
EXT. MONTANA RIVER - CONTINUOUS

Moving swiftly in the flowing water, Geoff lifts a hand and
waves to the Crow onlookers while mumbling to himself.

GEOFF
Oh yes, I will most definitely be
seeing you all again very soon.
(MORE)
45.


GEOFF (CONT'D)
And when I do, I will bring the
militia with me and we'll put a
bullet into each one of your
pointy, savage heads. Maybe I'll
save the girls for my soldier
friends to enjoy. Would you like
that, Old Crow? When I return, you
will know that the Wrath of
Almighty God has come with me, and
you will beg the Man in the Sky for
death. I have a promise to keep
with that furry little prick, too.
Your day will come.
Genres: ["Western","Drama"]

Summary In a Montana river, fur trapper Geoff taunts and threatens a group of Crow onlookers, promising to return with a militia to harm them. The Crow remain silent and only observe him. The scene ends with Geoff continuing to float down the river, still taunting the Crow.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Negative sentiment
  • Hostile tone

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and sets up a high-stakes conflict between the characters. The dialogue is impactful and reveals the deep-seated animosity between Geoff and the Crow.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of revenge and power dynamics is well-executed in the scene, setting up a compelling conflict between the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Geoff's vengeful intentions are revealed, adding tension and conflict to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of power dynamics and revenge, with provocative dialogue that adds authenticity to the characters' actions and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Geoff and the Crow onlookers are well-defined, with clear motivations and conflicting desires.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff's vengeful intentions and threats showcase a darker side of his character, adding complexity and depth to his arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and power over the Crow onlookers. This reflects his deeper desire for control and revenge.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal in this scene is to intimidate the Crow onlookers and establish his authority over them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Geoff and the Crow onlookers is intense and sets up high stakes for the characters involved.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Crow onlookers representing a significant challenge to Geoff's authority and power.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are established as Geoff threatens the Crow onlookers with violence and revenge, setting up a dangerous and tense situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up a significant conflict between Geoff and the Crow onlookers, driving the narrative towards a climactic confrontation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn in Geoff's dialogue and the sense of impending conflict with the Crow onlookers.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Geoff's belief in his own superiority and the Crow tribe's values and beliefs. This challenges Geoff's worldview and sense of entitlement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of anger, tension, and vengefulness, drawing the audience into the characters' conflicting emotions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense, threatening, and reveals the deep-seated emotions of the characters, driving the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, vivid imagery, and the sense of conflict and tension it creates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and impact of the dialogue and scene direction.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene relies heavily on exposition and narration. Geoff's monologue is lengthy, repetitive, and lacks subtext or character development.
  • The dialogue is unnatural and melodramatic. Geoff's threats sound more like a comic book villain than a real human being.
  • The scene lacks visual interest. It takes place entirely on a river, with no variation in setting or action.
  • The ending is abrupt and unsatisfying. Geoff simply floats away, without any resolution to his conflict with the Crow.
  • The scene does not advance the plot or develop the characters in any meaningful way.
Suggestions
  • Cut down on the exposition and narration. Instead, let the action and dialogue tell the story.
  • Rewrite Geoff's dialogue to be more natural and believable.
  • Add some visual interest to the scene. Introduce some new setting elements or vary the action.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending. Resolve the conflict between Geoff and the Crow, or at least give some indication of how it will be resolved.
  • Consider how this scene fits into the overall arc of the story. What is its purpose? What does it contribute to the plot and character development?



Scene 28 -  Crow Family Reflects on Past and Future Journeys
EXT. CROW ENCAMPMENT - MOMENTS LATER

The Crow Family watches the canoe plow through the water,
squinting as it rounds a bend and disappears from view.
Little Owl turns to her husband and son.

LITTLE OWL
Will we see this one again?

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Sure we will. Roaming the forest
with guts hanging from his mouth.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
We'll wait a bit, and see how far
he gets, yes? In a few days, the
boys and I will head downstream in
the big canoes. Same as last time.

The woman walks over to Spotted Wolf and tenderly wraps her
arm in his, leaning in to her son.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
You stay home, Papa. We'll go.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
We're thinking about taking the
girls out with us.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
Dangerous journey for their first
time, yes?
46.


LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
They have nothing to worry about
out there. They are fearless, like
their mother.

Little Owl hugs her son around the waist.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
She had a good teacher, yes?

SPOTTED WOLF
(emotional in Crow)
The best. I miss her so much, Mom.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
I know. We all do.

Little Owl kisses the tears on her son's cheek. She offers
Spotted Wolf a wan smile and nods downriver.

LITTLE OWL (CONT'D)
(Crow)
What do you think?

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
He's as good as dead.
Or worse. I say good riddance.

Red Wolf walks over to join them, putting an arm around his
son. The family's newest member scampers happily at their
feet, tail wagging.

RED WOLF
(Crow)
I am inclined to agree, son. He'll
never make it back to Bannack.

LITTLE OWL
(Crow)
Let his Man in the Sky protect him.

SPOTTED WOLF
(Crow)
Like he protected Kansas Man?

LITTLE OWL
What do you think, Papa?

RED WOLF
He is going to need a bigger boat.
47.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary The Crow family watches a canoe drift downstream, discussing the fate of its occupant. They decide to take their daughters on future journeys and share personal stories, expressing their feelings and demonstrating their strong family bond. Despite the emotional tone, the scene ends on a hopeful note as they come to a consensus about the canoe occupant's fate and look forward to future adventures together.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Rich character relationships
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of overt conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' reflections and sets up anticipation for future events. The dialogue is well-crafted and reveals the complex relationships within the Crow Family.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of bidding farewell to a departing character while reflecting on past losses and uncertain futures is well-executed. The scene effectively sets up future conflicts and developments.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene revolves around the departure of Geoff and the emotional reactions of the Crow Family. It sets up potential conflicts and developments for the future.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its unique cultural context, authentic character interactions, and nuanced exploration of themes such as grief and resilience. The dialogue feels fresh and realistic, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed convincingly. The relationships between family members are rich and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 6

There are no significant character changes in this scene, but it deepens the audience's understanding of the characters' emotions and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the loss of a loved one and maintain a sense of family unity and strength. This reflects their deeper need for emotional support and resilience in the face of grief.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make decisions about their upcoming journey downstream and protect their family members. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in terms of safety and survival.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is not overt conflict in this scene, there is tension and anticipation regarding Geoff's departure and the potential dangers he may face. The emotional conflicts within the characters also add depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming. The characters face difficult decisions and conflicting viewpoints, adding complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in this scene, as Geoff's departure and the potential dangers he may face add tension and anticipation to the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up potential conflicts and developments for the future. It also hints at the dangers Geoff may face on his journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting opinions and uncertain outcomes. The audience is left wondering how the family will navigate their challenges and what the consequences of their decisions will be.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between acceptance of fate and the desire for protection and control. The characters debate whether to let fate decide the outcome or take action to ensure safety, reflecting their beliefs about destiny and agency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as it delves into the characters' emotions, past losses, and uncertain futures. The poignant moments between family members evoke a strong emotional response from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and reveals the characters' emotions and relationships effectively. It adds depth to the narrative and sets up future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, authentic character dynamics, and compelling dialogue. The audience is drawn into the family's story and invested in their decisions and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotion gradually, allowing the audience to connect with the characters and their struggles. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. This enhances readability and clarity for the reader.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to its effectiveness in conveying emotion and tension.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene is stilted and unnatural, with characters speaking in a formal and unrealistic manner.
  • The Crow family's discussion of Geoff's fate is rather shallow and lacks depth.
  • The scene does not really advance the plot or develop the characters in any meaningful way.
  • The tone of the scene is rather negative and pessimistic, with the Crow family expressing little hope for Geoff's survival.
  • The ending of the scene is rather abrupt, with the Crow family simply agreeing that Geoff will likely die.
  • The Crow family's discussion of taking their daughters on a dangerous journey is somewhat confusing and seems to come out of nowhere.
  • The scene lacks any real visual interest or action, making it rather dull to read.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and lacks variety, which makes it difficult for the reader to stay engaged.
  • The scene could be more effective if it were shorter and more focused.
  • The scene could be more impactful if it ended on a more positive or hopeful note.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
  • Add more depth to the Crow family's discussion of Geoff's fate by exploring their feelings and motivations.
  • Give the scene a more specific purpose by having it advance the plot or develop the characters in some way.
  • Add some positive or hopeful elements to the scene to balance out the negative tone.
  • Revise the ending of the scene to make it more satisfying and impactful.
  • Remove the discussion of taking the daughters on a dangerous journey, as it is confusing and unnecessary.
  • Add some visual interest or action to the scene to make it more engaging.
  • Vary the dialogue and add more descriptive language to make the scene more interesting to read.
  • Consider shortening the scene to make it more focused and impactful.
  • Consider ending the scene on a more positive or hopeful note to leave the reader with a sense of hope.



Scene 29 -  Geoff's Perilous Journey Down the Montana River
EXT. MONTANA RIVER - NEXT DAY - AFTERNOON

Exhausted from hours of nonstop paddling, Geoff dozes off
while sitting upright.

The canoe travels on for untold miles, seemingly on
autopilot. Dumping precious cargo with every bump, the boat
is propelled ever faster by the current.

EXT. MONTANA RIVER - LATER

Head tilted to the side, Geoff's snoring mouth is agape as
he sleeps. A horsefly flies directly into his festering gob,
snapping him awake. He chokes, then coughs up and chews his
unexpected morsel, swallowing as he attempts to retake
control of the boat.

The wayward craft strikes a large boulder, dumping more
gear. Geoff is launched sideways, smashing his forehead with
the paddle as it tumbles out and floats away.

GEOFF
Oh, shit!

The lightweight boat corrects, faceplanting Geoff into the
rocks dotting the turbulent river. He pops back upright,
nose bleeding, as the canoe loses still more provisions.

A distraught Geoff issues a steady stream of profanity as he
continues to pinball out of control. He enters a patch of
intense whitewater and struggles to keep the craft afloat.

Hitting an eddy wall, the unstable canoe smashes into some
debris, damaging and nearly overturning it. The bear trap
tumbles out as the metal links loop around Geoff's calf.

The iron trap sinks immediately, wrenching Geoff leg-first
from his perch on the disintegrating boat and dragging him
underwater. Beneath the torrent, he pulls frantically at his
ensnared leg before finally uncoiling the chain.

Geoff's face breaks the surface in calmer water. He gains a
lucky handhold on the boat as it careens into the shoreline,
leaving him soaked on the bank. Thanking his Creator, he
pulls the vessel onto dry land and collapses, chest heaving.

After taking a moment to catch his breath, Geoff rises
wearily and ventures inland, wandering into a grassy
clearing near a dense forest of slender trees with golden,
oval-shaped leaves and bone-white bark.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Oh shit.
48.
Genres: null

Summary In this chaotic and stressful scene, Geoff, exhausted from paddling, falls asleep in the canoe while on the Montana River. The current takes the canoe downstream, causing it to crash into rocks and boulders, damaging the boat and dumping cargo. Geoff is thrown from the canoe and gets his leg trapped in a bear trap underwater. After freeing himself, he drags himself to shore and wanders into a clearing near a forest. The scene ends with Geoff collapsing on the bank, exhausted and soaked from his ordeal in the river.
Strengths null
Weaknesses null

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 0


Story Content

Concept: 0

Plot: 0

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and intense approach to the survival genre, with unique obstacles and challenges that test the protagonist's limits. The authenticity of Geoff's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 0

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is survival. His actions and reactions reflect his primal instinct to stay alive in the face of multiple challenges and obstacles.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to navigate the treacherous river and reach safety. The immediate circumstances of the river's dangers and the loss of provisions drive his actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 0

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple obstacles and challenges that test Geoff's abilities and push him to his limits.

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected obstacles and challenges that Geoff faces, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Geoff's will to survive and the uncontrollable forces of nature. It challenges his beliefs about his own abilities and resilience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 0

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, high stakes, and the reader's investment in Geoff's survival.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and dynamic, with a rhythmic flow that enhances the tension and urgency of Geoff's situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured progression of escalating challenges and obstacles, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The dialogue is too sparse and doesn't reveal much about the characters or the situation.
  • The action is too fast-paced and hard to follow.
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction.
  • The scene is too long and drawn out.
Suggestions
  • Add more dialogue to reveal the characters' thoughts and feelings.
  • Slow down the action and give the reader more time to process what is happening.
  • Give the scene a clear purpose or direction.
  • Remove any unnecessary details or actions.



Scene 30 -  Geoff's Frustration: A Struggle Against the Wilderness
EXT. ASPEN GROVE - SUNSET

The trapper quickly establishes a makeshift campsite and
sparks a modest fire. He busies himself by organizing his
inventory, seeking to repair the damaged boat.

Shivering in sopping wet clothing, Geoff checks the contents
of the powder horn and empties the dripping satchel, dumping
out its waterlogged contents to sort through his meager
supply of bullets and lead shot.

Geoff's empty stomach grumbles, so he ransacks his
provisions for sustenance. Most of the remaining food is
soaked and inedible, and that which remains dry is
distinctly unpalatable.

GEOFF
(sniffs)
Let's see, stinky dried elk with
berries and twigs.

He pulls the Bowie knife from its sheath, meaning to cut his
pemmican. Sawing into the meat, his brow furrows as the
Bowie fails to cut.

Running his thumb along its length, he finds the edge to be
rolled and dull, chipped and rife with cracks. The handle is
loose as well, causing the blade to spin freely on its tang.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Ah, Old Crow, you son of a bitch!
You knew about this, didn't you?

Frustrated, he throws down the broken knife.

Foraging in the canoe, Geoff finds a small hatchet. He
raises it to chop up his paltry meal and the axe head flies
off it's handle, somersaulting into the stand of nearby
aspen trees. Stymied, he tosses the handle into the fire.

Taking a close look at the handful of knives still in his
possession, he finds all the edged weapons to be dull,
warped, fractured, or lacking a decent handle. Sensing he
has been hoodwinked by Red Wolf, his blood boils.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
You have got to be kidding!

Utterly famished, he raises the slab of elk pemmican and
takes a tentative bite. Unsuccessful at first, Geoff uses
his back teeth to gnaw at the dry-aged jerky.
49.


Finding the flavor repellent, he chews vigorously and forces
himself to swallow, pulling a sprig of wild herb wedged
between his stained teeth.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
(gagging)
Okay, it could be worse.

Fracturing another splinter of the preserved elk loin, he
fights the urge to vomit as he chews.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
At this point, as God is my
witness, I really would eat that
asshole dog.

Geoff resumes checking his gear, carefully looking over the
remaining weapons he was able to salvage.

Raising the first rifle to his shoulder, Geoff looks down
the muzzle. As he aims, he realizes that the barrel is bent.

The trapper soon finds that every donated gun has been
sabotaged and rendered useless, leaving his original deer
rifle and pistol as the only firearms in working order.
Realizing he has been outsmarted, Geoff rages at the sky.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Heavenly Father, I hated them
before, but now I despise these
godless savages even more. Worse
than the filthy Negroes, at least
those stupid animals know their
place! Oh Lord, please find it in
your infinite wisdom to send each
and every one of those red devils
straight back to Hell, with their
haunted forests and shitty food.
May your fiery sword of vengeance
cut down all these vile heathens
and cast them into the everlasting
lake of fire. In Jesus' name, Amen.

His sermon over, Geoff inserts a fresh wad of chewing
tobacco and sets off to explore his immediate surroundings.
Genres: ["Western","Drama"]

Summary Geoff, a trapper, experiences frustration and anger in an Aspen grove at sunset while trying to make a meal and check his gear. He discovers his Bowie knife, hatchet, and other knives broken, dull, or damaged, but is able to salvage his deer rifle and pistol. In a fit of rage, he rants against the natives before setting off to explore the area, still hungry and angry. The scene highlights Geoff's struggle against the environment and his own gear, with a tone of frustration, anger, and desperation.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Predictable character reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the trapper's desperation and frustration, setting up a tense and volatile atmosphere. The dialogue and actions of the character add depth to the narrative, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival in the wilderness and the clash of cultures is well-executed, with the trapper facing numerous challenges that test his resolve and beliefs.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the trapper deals with his deteriorating situation, showcasing his resourcefulness and inner turmoil. The scene sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its detailed portrayal of survivalist challenges, the protagonist's emotional journey, and the unexpected twist of sabotage by others. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The character of the trapper is well-developed, showing his vulnerabilities and strengths in the face of adversity. His actions and dialogue reveal his complex nature and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

The trapper undergoes subtle changes in his mindset and beliefs as he grapples with his circumstances. His experiences in the wilderness challenge his perceptions and values, leading to potential growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his frustration and despair at his current situation. His deeper needs for survival, his fears of failure, and his desires for redemption are reflected in his actions and dialogue.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to repair his damaged boat and find sustenance in the wilderness. This reflects the immediate challenges he is facing in terms of survival and escape.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the trapper facing physical, emotional, and cultural challenges that push him to his limits. His internal and external conflicts create tension and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and betrayals that challenge his survival and beliefs.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the trapper's survival and well-being on the line. His desperate situation and the challenges he faces create a sense of urgency and importance, raising the stakes for the audience.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the trapper's current predicament and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges and betrayals the protagonist encounters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Geoff's sense of self-reliance and his realization of being outsmarted and betrayed by others. This challenges his beliefs in his own abilities and trust in others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of desperation, frustration, and defiance, drawing the audience into the trapper's plight. His struggles and inner turmoil resonate with the viewers, creating a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the trapper's emotions and mindset, adding depth to the scene. It also reveals his inner thoughts and conflicts, enhancing the audience's understanding of his character.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict, the protagonist's struggle for survival, and the unexpected obstacles he faces.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a survival drama, with a clear progression of events and character development.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Geoff setting up camp and preparing to eat, which is a mundane and uninteresting way to begin a scene. It would be more engaging to start with something more active or suspenseful, such as Geoff being attacked by an animal or discovering something unusual.
  • The dialogue in the scene is repetitive and unnatural. Geoff's constant complaining and cursing becomes tiresome, and it doesn't add anything to the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It's not clear what Geoff is trying to accomplish, or what the stakes are for him. As a result, the scene feels aimless and unfocused.
  • The scene's ending is abrupt and unsatisfying. It's unclear what happens to Geoff after he sets off to explore his surroundings.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual description. The reader should be able to see the setting and the characters in their minds, but the scene currently lacks any vivid imagery.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with something more active or suspenseful, such as Geoff being attacked by an animal or discovering something unusual.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging. Avoid repetitive phrases and cursing.
  • Give the scene a clear purpose or direction. What is Geoff trying to accomplish? What are the stakes for him?
  • Provide a more satisfying ending to the scene. What happens to Geoff after he sets off to explore his surroundings?
  • Add more visual description to the scene. Help the reader to see the setting and the characters in their minds.



Scene 31 -  Geoff's Thrilling Encounter with Wildlife
EXT. ASPEN GROVE - CONTINUOUS

By the light of the rising moon, Geoff observes a herd of
mule deer browsing. A beaver splashes into the river,
pulling a branch. Everywhere he looks, wildlife frolics and
feeds, unperturbed by his presence.
50.


Suddenly energized, he dashes back to camp and excitedly
searches through his collection of trapping supplies.

GEOFF
Here we are. Hallelujah!

Geoff gathers two wire loops from his gear, walks to the
water's edge and rigs the snares outside a muskrat lodge.

EXT. TRAPPER'S CAMP - MOMENTS LATER

Returning to the fireside, Geoff settles in for the night.
He bunches up his satchel as a pillow and wraps himself in a
horse blanket, cursing the smell.

No sooner has the trapper begun to doze off, when he is
awakened by a grunting, snuffling noise from close by.

Geoff kicks off the blanket and reaches for his pistol.

Rising into a crouch, Geoff creeps silently into the forest.
As the white trunks sway hypnotically, he squats motionless,
scanning the surroundings for any sign of movement.

The grunting snort repeats. A blur of motion at the edge of
his vision prompts Geoff to whirl and fire off a round from
his trusty sidearm.

Geoff's ears ring from the gunshot as his intended target
cries out in surprise and pain. The wild boar explodes from
cover and flees deeper into the aspens, leaving a trail of
crimson splashes in the dappled moonlight.

GEOFF
Praise the Lord! No more shitty
Injun food. Haha! You hear that,
Old Crow? Shove your twigs and
berries up your ass, we're serving
roast pork tonight!

Pistol in hand, Geoff pursues the mortally wounded swine,
striding confidently into the diffused gloom of the forest.

The veteran trapper follows the pig's blood trail for
several hundred yards before stopping. A guttural sound
burbles from a nearby thicket. In response, Geoff raises the
shooting iron to dispatch his cornered quarry.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Here, piggy, piggy.
Come out, come out--

A dark form shifts in the tangle of brambles. Geoff steadies
his arm, cocks the hammer and takes careful aim.
51.


GEOFF (CONT'D)
There you are, I see you. Hold
still, this won't hurt.

The bear bursts from the undergrowth with a ferocious roar.
Before he can react, the huge grizzly locks eyes with the
shell-shocked Geoff and launches itself in his direction.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Oh shit.

Geoff pulls the trigger repeatedly, firing wildly until the
cylinder goes click.

The pistol slugs have no noticeable effect on the fifteen
hundred pound omnivore. Geoff drops the gun and turns tail,
shrieking in fear as he attempts to outrun the furious bear.

He makes a beeline for camp in a last-ditch effort to reach
the more powerful deer rifle. Eyes focused on the flickering
firelight, the tiring Geoff grits his teeth and presses on
as the galloping bear closes the distance between them.
Genres: ["Western","Action","Adventure","Drama"]

Summary In an aspen grove by the river, Geoff sets up snares near a muskrat lodge after spotting a beaver. Excitement fills the air as he returns to camp, only to be awakened by a grunting wild boar, which he shoots. The thrill turns to fear when he follows the blood trail and encounters a bear, forcing him to flee back to camp in a race for safety and the deer rifle.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Character development
  • Survival theme
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and a sense of danger. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with the protagonist's desperate attempt to survive a bear attack.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival in the wilderness and the protagonist's confrontation with a wild bear is executed effectively, creating a thrilling and intense sequence.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the protagonist faces a life-threatening situation and must rely on his skills to survive. The scene adds depth to the character and showcases his determination.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its portrayal of survival in the wilderness, the unexpected twist of encountering a bear instead of a pig, and the gritty dialogue that adds authenticity to the characters' actions and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The protagonist's character is further developed as he confronts a dangerous predator. His resourcefulness and survival instincts are highlighted in the face of adversity.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a change as he confronts the bear, showcasing his determination and survival instincts. This experience shapes his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to prove his skills as a trapper and survivor. This reflects his deeper need for validation, competence, and independence in the wilderness.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal in this scene is to hunt and secure food for himself. This reflects the immediate challenge of survival and sustenance in the wilderness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonist and the bear creates a high-stakes, intense situation that drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Geoff facing a formidable adversary in the form of the grizzly bear. The uncertainty of the outcome and the high stakes of survival create a sense of tension and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the protagonist's life being in danger from a wild bear create a sense of urgency and danger, raising the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by putting the protagonist in a perilous situation and highlighting his resourcefulness and resilience. It adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of encountering a bear instead of a pig, as well as the escalating tension and danger as Geoff faces off against the grizzly.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Geoff's view of nature as a resource to be exploited for survival and the inherent danger and unpredictability of the wild animals he encounters. This challenges Geoff's beliefs about his place in the natural world and his relationship to the environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and adrenaline as the protagonist faces a life-threatening situation. The audience is emotionally invested in his struggle to survive.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is minimal but serves to enhance the tension and urgency of the scene. It effectively conveys the protagonist's emotions and reactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful pacing, and the high stakes of survival in the wilderness. The reader is drawn into Geoff's struggle against the bear and the unpredictability of the situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic encounter with the bear. The rhythm of the action sequences and dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness in conveying the danger and urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic encounter with the bear. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the danger and urgency of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene opens with Geoff observing a herd of mule deer and a beaver, which seems to suddenly energize him. This transition feels abrupt and could be smoothed out by providing more context or motivation for Geoff's excitement.
  • The dialogue in the scene is somewhat excessive and repetitive, particularly Geoff's exclamations of joy and taunts towards the bear. This can be distracting and take away from the tension of the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution. Geoff sets out to pursue the bear but the outcome of their encounter is not shown. This leaves the reader hanging and undermines the impact of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels somewhat rushed. The transition from Geoff's excitement to his encounter with the bear happens very quickly, without giving the reader enough time to build suspense or fully appreciate the danger Geoff is in.
  • The characterization of Geoff is somewhat one-dimensional. He is portrayed as a stereotypical trapper, without much depth or complexity. This makes it difficult for the reader to connect with him or his plight.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two to explain why Geoff is so excited by the presence of wildlife or what his plans are for them.
  • Reduce the amount of dialogue in the scene and focus on the actions and reactions of the characters. This will help to create a more immersive and suspenseful atmosphere.
  • Add a clear resolution to the scene, showing the outcome of Geoff's encounter with the bear. This will provide closure for the reader and leave a lasting impression.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene by adding more details and descriptions. This will help to build suspense and make the reader more invested in the characters and their actions.
  • Explore ways to add more depth and complexity to Geoff's character. This can be done through his thoughts, actions, or interactions with other characters.



Scene 32 -  Geoff's Tragic Encounter with a Bear
EXT. TRAPPER'S CAMP - CONTINUOUS

Emerging from the trees and entering the campsite at top
speed, Geoff gathers himself to dive for the rifle.

As he plants his foot to leap, Geoff's heel makes contact
with the metal trigger plate of the bear trap. The toothed
hinges slam together with terrifying force, instantly
shattering both leg bones in a sickening crunch.

Geoff's momentum carries him forward, depositing him mere
feet from the waiting rifle. He claws maniacally at the
dirt, straining with maximum effort to reach his gun. He
cries out in despair as his fingers brush against the stock.

GEOFF
(shocked)
Don't let me die like this!

Just as his fingers curl around the rifle butt, Geoff's body
is suddenly yanked backward, once again leaving his
potential salvation a few tantalizing inches out of reach.

Consumed with agonizing pain, Geoff looks down in horror to
see splintered bone poking out of his pulverized limb as it
dangles from the trap at an unnatural angle.

Holding the chain in its slobbering maw, the bear pulls its
prey closer to deliver the coup de grace. It gives the iron
links another tug, bringing the man closer to certain death.
52.


Reaching into the campfire, Geoff rolls over and smashes the
grizzly in the head with a flaming log. The impact sends a
cloud of embers aloft as the enormous bear bellows in rage.

The growling brute rears up and brings down it's massive
paws on Geoff's chest with crushing force, snapping multiple
ribs like matchsticks and pinning him to the spot.

With scorched bits of its matted fur still smoking, the
angry giant lowers its drooling muzzle. Gravely injured and
spitting blood, Geoff pleads with the Almighty:

GEOFF (CONT'D)
(gasps painfully)
No! Please God! Not a bear!

The massive ursine opens it's jaws, sporting yellow, three-
inch canines. Turning it's head sideways, the grizzly puts
Geoff's entire head in its mouth and bites down.
Genres: ["Western","Horror"]

Summary Geoff, while attempting to reach his camp for a deer rifle, steps into a bear trap, suffering from shattered leg bones. A bear appears and attacks him, leading to a fierce struggle. Geoff, in a final attempt to defend himself, hits the bear with a flaming log. However, the bear overpowers him, crushing his chest and ultimately biting off his head, leading to Geoff's untimely death.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • High stakes
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Graphic violence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, filled with tension, terror, and desperation. The survival aspect, combined with the brutal encounter with the bear, keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of survival in the wilderness, facing off against a deadly bear trap and a grizzly bear, is executed with high intensity and creativity.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by the intense survival situation and the protagonist's desperate struggle to escape the bear trap and fend off the grizzly bear. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a life-or-death struggle against a bear in the wilderness. The actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the suspense and drama of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The character of Geoff is portrayed as a determined and resourceful trapper facing overwhelming odds. His desperation and fear are palpable, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff undergoes a significant change as he faces the brutal reality of survival in the wilderness, showcasing his resilience and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to survive and not die a gruesome death at the hands of the bear. This reflects his fear of mortality and his desire to overcome the challenges presented by nature.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to reach the rifle and defend himself against the bear. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the form of a deadly predator.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Geoff and the bear, as well as his internal struggle to survive, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a formidable and deadly adversary in the form of the bear, creating a sense of uncertainty and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high as Geoff fights for his life against a bear trap and a grizzly bear, adding a sense of urgency and danger to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by putting Geoff in a life-threatening situation and highlighting his survival instincts and resourcefulness.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations and keeps the audience guessing about the outcome of the protagonist's struggle against the bear.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the protagonist's struggle against the harsh and unforgiving nature. It challenges his beliefs about his own strength and resilience in the face of overwhelming odds.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, desperation, and agony, drawing the audience into Geoff's harrowing ordeal.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, conveying Geoff's desperation and plea for help in a dire situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its intense action, emotional stakes, and unpredictable twists.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the protagonist's struggle.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a high-stakes action sequence in a screenplay, with clear descriptions of the setting, characters, and action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of confrontation between the protagonist and the bear.


Critique
  • Geoff's realization of impending death is abrupt and not fully developed. Consider expanding his internal struggle and emotional turmoil as he faces his mortality.
  • The scene relies heavily on action verbs and physical descriptions. Explore adding more sensory details and emotional language to enhance the reader's experience and create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • The dialogue in this scene is minimal. Consider incorporating more dialogue to convey Geoff's thoughts, fears, and prayers, adding depth to his character.
  • The grizzly bear's attack and Geoff's injuries are described in graphic detail. While this can be effective in conveying the brutality of the situation, consider balancing it with more subtle or metaphorical language to avoid overwhelming the reader.
  • The scene could benefit from a clearer sense of pacing. The sudden transition from Geoff's realization of the bear trap to his desperate attempt to reach the rifle could be smoother.
Suggestions
  • Begin the scene with Geoff's thoughts as he realizes the severity of his injury and the inevitability of his fate. Show his emotional turmoil and desperation as he tries to process what is happening to him.
  • Incorporate sensory details and evocative language to describe the scene. Use vivid imagery, metaphors, and similes to create a strong sensory experience for the reader.
  • Add dialogue to reveal Geoff's inner thoughts and emotions. Let him voice his fears, regrets, and prayers, making him more relatable and emotionally resonant.
  • Consider varying the pace of the scene. Allow moments of quiet reflection and introspection to contrast with the fast-paced action sequences.
  • Revise the description of the bear attack and Geoff's injuries to strike a balance between brutality and subtlety. Use language that conveys the severity of the situation without resorting to excessive gore.



Scene 33 -  Geoff's Struggle: Survival and Self-Reflection
EXT. ASPEN GROVE - MORNING

Geoff bolts upright, the leather satchel still stuck to his
face with dried saliva. Drenched in sweat, he frantically
throws off the horse blanket, waking in a confused panic to
the chirping of songbirds in the early morning sun.

GEOFF
Jesus Christ! What was that?
Did you poison that elk meat, Old
Crow? Is that what you did?

A foul yet familiar smell wafts from his nether region.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Shit. Let's get that boat fixed.

Geoff gingerly tiptoes down to the river to wash off.

EXT. ASPEN GROVE - LATER

With two muskrat pelts drying nearby, Geoff inspects his
work. Satisfied, he admires his newly-repaired craft.

GEOFF
Hell, maybe I can make a little
money before I leave? Just one more
night, Old Crow, I promise.

EXT. ASPEN GROVE - AFTERNOON

Geoff gets down to business with his guns, traps, and
snares. His deadly handiwork soon bears lethal fruit.
53.


MONTAGE:

A) At the riverside, Geoff pulls a dead beaver from a trap
and resets it.

B) Carrying the beaver, he quickly pulls his pistol to shoot
a goose as it leads it's goslings to the water.

C) A bobcat grooms its fur as it rests on a fallen log. The
trapper aims his rifle and fires, killing it instantly.

D) On a trail, a mother fox sniffs at a small bone as her
two little ones cavort around her. Taking it in her mouth,
her leg gets caught in a snare and the kits scatter.

E) Geoff sits among a pile of dead animals. Using a sharp
sliver of rock, he slices open the belly of a rabbit before
brutally peeling off its skin and tossing the body aside.

F) Skinned carcasses lie discarded in a heap beneath a cloud
of buzzing flies at the edge of the ivory forest.

END MONTAGE
Genres: ["Western","Drama","Action"]

Summary Geoff awakens from a nightmare, covered in sweat and dirt, with his satchel stuck to his face. After cleaning up, he inspects his repaired boat and sets muskrat traps. The scene then shows Geoff killing and skinning various animals, including a rabbit. Throughout this process, Geoff expresses internal conflict, guilt, and fear from his previous bear encounter. He promises Old Crow that he will leave after one more night, but his continued hunting suggests a struggle to let go of his old ways.
Strengths
  • Realistic portrayal of survival skills
  • Intense and immersive atmosphere
  • Effective use of visuals to convey the harshness of the environment
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development through dialogue
  • Some graphic scenes may be disturbing to sensitive viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the rugged and unforgiving nature of the setting, as well as the protagonist's survival skills and mindset, creating a tense and immersive atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival in the wilderness is well-executed, with a focus on hunting, trapping, and the protagonist's determination to endure despite the challenges he faces.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the protagonist's actions and interactions with the environment, setting up potential conflicts and challenges for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a fresh approach to the survivalist genre, with vivid descriptions and a focus on the brutality of nature. The authenticity of Geoff's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The protagonist's character is fleshed out through his actions and reactions to the harsh environment, showcasing his resourcefulness and resilience.

Character Changes: 6

The protagonist undergoes a subtle transformation as he adapts to the challenges of the wilderness, becoming more hardened and determined.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to prove his self-sufficiency and survival skills. His actions reflect his need for independence and mastery over his environment.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to repair his boat and potentially make money before leaving the aspen grove. This goal reflects his immediate circumstances and the challenges he faces in the wilderness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the protagonist's battle against the elements, the wildlife, and his own inner demons, creating a sense of danger and urgency.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Geoff facing challenges in the wilderness that test his skills and resourcefulness.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of survival in the wilderness, as well as the protagonist's physical and emotional struggles, create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the protagonist's survival skills, setting up potential conflicts, and hinting at future challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Geoff's interactions with nature and the harsh realities of survival.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Geoff's relationship with nature and the ethical implications of his actions as a trapper and hunter. It challenges his beliefs about survival and the balance between man and the natural world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, tension, and a sense of isolation, drawing the audience into the harsh and unforgiving world of the protagonist.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is minimal but serves its purpose in conveying the protagonist's thoughts and intentions, as well as setting the tone for the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and visceral descriptions, as well as the high stakes of Geoff's survival in the wilderness.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in Geoff's struggle for survival.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a wilderness survival genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions of actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and transitions, effectively conveying Geoff's actions and goals in the wilderness.


Critique
  • The opening line of the scene is effective in conveying Geoff's panic and confusion upon waking up from a nightmare.
  • The dialogue is sparse and realistic, effectively conveying Geoff's fear and frustration.
  • The description of Geoff's surroundings and actions is detailed and immersive, allowing the reader to visualize the scene clearly.
  • The montage is an effective way to convey the passage of time and Geoff's ruthless hunting practices.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief description of Geoff's physical appearance and condition to help the reader visualize him better.
  • Expand on Geoff's thoughts and emotions as he inspects his repaired boat to provide insight into his plans and motivations.
  • Consider adding a brief description of the setting and weather conditions to provide context for the scene.
  • Consider adding a brief description of Geoff's tools and equipment to provide a better sense of his preparedness.
  • Consider adding a brief description of the animals Geoff kills and skins to highlight the impact of his actions on the ecosystem.



Scene 34 -  Geoff's Defiant Disbelief
EXT. ASPEN GROVE - EVENING

A veil of darkness envelops Aspen Grove, but on this
moonless night, Eden is strangely silent. Filling the void
are the whispering voices of the swaying trees, leaves and
branches brushing together like a cicada's wings.

Geoff sits by the fire, finishing a goose's drumstick. He
flicks the bone out of the campsite. His repaired boat rests
nearby with a bounty of valuable furs stowed away inside.
Burping, he chews tobacco and drinks from the flask.

As he takes a swig of booze, Geoff pulls the small bible
from his jerkin and tears out a page from the Good Book.
Using a goose feather dipped in charcoal ink, Geoff takes
some visual cues and scribbles notes, planning to return.

Chuckling to himself and quite drunk, Geoff squints to make
out the words as he thumbs through the psalms. With a snort,
he tosses the bible onto the fire where it is consumed.

GEOFF
Yeah, thanks but no thanks. I know
you're right, Old Crow. We all
know, we just pretend. Hell, even
the Pope knows. There is no God.

He takes another pull of rotgut whiskey.
54.


GEOFF (CONT'D)
Who gives a damn? The Man in the
Sky is bullshit. So what? Doesn't
matter. I have faith in this--

Geoff caresses the pistol and lovingly strokes its cold,
steel barrel. Raising the flask, he toasts:

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Here's to you, Old Crow.
You AND your Great Spirit.
To hell with you both!

He stands, his balance a bit unsteady.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
You wanna take my life?
Poison me with that tainted meat?

The trapper grabs the deer rifle, holds it over his head and
cries out in defiance to the universe.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
You want my life? Come and take it!
Genres: ["Western","Drama"]

Summary Geoff, a trapper, finishes his meal and drinks from a flask in Aspen Grove under a moonless night. He tears out a page from his bible, writes notes using a goose feather, and throws the bible into the fire, expressing his disbelief in God. Holding a deer rifle, he challenges the universe to take his life, ending the scene in a state of defiant disbelief.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective portrayal of inner conflict
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the scene to be too dark and intense for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Geoff's inner conflict and defiance, setting up a tense and intense atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of challenging religious beliefs and embracing self-determination is well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Geoff makes a bold declaration and prepares to take action.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of faith and belief, with a unique portrayal of a character's rebellion against traditional religious values.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Geoff's character is well-developed, showcasing his defiance and inner turmoil.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff's character undergoes a change as he embraces his defiance and determination to take control of his fate.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to assert his beliefs and defiance towards any higher power or authority. His actions reflect his deep-seated skepticism and rebellion against traditional religious beliefs.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal in this scene is to protect himself and his possessions from any potential threats or dangers in the wilderness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of internal conflict within Geoff, as well as conflict with religious beliefs and the Great Spirit.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Geoff's defiance and skepticism create obstacles and challenges that add complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Geoff challenges religious beliefs and prepares to take action.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Geoff's mindset and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the protagonist's erratic behavior and defiance, creating a sense of tension and uncertainty for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Geoff's disbelief in a higher power and the potential consequences of his defiance. It challenges his worldview and values, as he grapples with the idea of faith and fate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of defiance and inner turmoil, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Geoff's defiance and anger towards religion and the Great Spirit.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its atmospheric setting, intense dialogue, and the protagonist's rebellious actions, which keep the audience captivated and intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's actions and beliefs.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and impact of the writing.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and develops the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or goal. It is unclear what Geoff is trying to achieve by writing notes in the bible, drinking, and challenging the universe.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and lacks depth. Geoff repeats the same phrases and ideas over and over again, which makes the scene feel stagnant.
  • The pacing of the scene is too slow. There is not enough action or dialogue to keep the reader engaged.
  • The setting is not fully realized. The description of the aspen grove is vague and does not create a vivid picture in the reader's mind.
  • The character of Geoff is not well-developed. The reader does not get a sense of his motivations or his inner life.
Suggestions
  • Give Geoff a clear goal or purpose in the scene, such as trying to figure out what happened to his partner or trying to find a way to return to civilization. This will help to drive the action and keep the reader engaged.
  • Vary Geoff's dialogue and give him more depth. Explore his thoughts and feelings about what he has been through, and what he hopes to achieve in the future.
  • Add more action and dialogue to the scene. This will help to build tension and keep the reader engaged.
  • Describe the setting in more detail. Use vivid language to create a clear picture in the reader's mind.
  • Develop the character of Geoff. Give him a backstory, and explore his motivations and inner life. This will help the reader to connect with him on a deeper level.



Scene 35 -  Geoff's Terrifying Encounter with the Pale, Skeletal Figures
EXT. ASPEN GROVE - HOURS LATER

As the trapper fitfully sleeps, he is awakened by the
distinct rustling of footsteps. Geoff reaches for his long
gun, scanning the perimeter.

GEOFF
Who's there?

His query is met with empty silence. The footfalls repeat,
this time much closer. He calls into the void:

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Old Crow? That you? Show yourself!

The rustling footsteps continue, now just outside the
glowing ring of firelight. Clearly rattled, Geoff aims in
the direction of the mysterious intruder and makes a
declaration in a loud but shaky tenor:

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Whoever you are, I swear to
Almighty God that I will shoot you
dead right where you stand!

Illuminated by the fire, Geoff can barely make out a pale,
skeletal figure, swaying as it advances at an alarming rate.
55.


Lowering the rifle, Geoff raises it again to see three more
phantoms have joined the ghostly spectre. They sway in
unison, trudging ever closer to his camp.

A ropy loop of small intestine protrudes from the mouth of
the apparition as it chews, an armful of viscera in its
shriveled hands. The malevolent fiend shuffles forward,
dragging along the rest of its sticky grey innards.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit--

His mind reeling in disbelief, Geoff swallows involuntarily
and gags on his chewing tobacco. Retching, he pulls wet
strands of chaw out of his teeth as he seethes.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
God damn you straight to hell, Old
Crow! This is all your fault!

Geoff kneels and steadies the rifle. Aiming for the head of
the closest ghoul, he recognizes his own face. He lowers the
gun, then refocuses and squeezes the trigger.

The hammer falls and the primer sparks. Nothing happens.

Geoff drops the rifle, pulls his pistol and unloads. The
bullets pass right through the shambling revenant, striking
the trunks of the trees behind. Bright blood gushes forth in
spurts from the holes, drenching the chalky bark in gore.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Oh, shit.

Surrounded on three sides, Geoff spies an opening and
sprints from camp. He looks to be in the clear when his foot
comes down on something hard in the grass, turning an ankle.
He stumbles and falls headfirst into the rotting pile of
skinned carcasses.

Geoff crawls back to the trail, wiping away maggots stuck to
his face. He gropes blindly for a weapon in the debris at
his feet and finds the object that tripped him up.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Of course...

Holding the wayward axe head in both hands, Geoff rolls over
to face the music. The abominations descend on him, biting
and tearing at his flesh. Geoff's eyeball is pulled from its
socket and eaten by his undead doppelganger, his scream cut
short when it tears out his tongue in a gush of blood.
56.
Genres: ["Horror","Western"]

Summary In this horrifying scene, Geoff, the trapper, is awakened by mysterious footsteps and confronts what he thinks is his companion, Old Crow. Instead, he finds pale, skeletal figures with grotesque injuries. Recognizing one as his own doppelganger, he tries to shoot it, but his gun fails. He flees, trips, and is overpowered by the abominations, who brutally attack and mutilate him. The scene takes place in an aspen grove, and the conflicts arise between Geoff and the mysterious figures. The tone is tense and horrifying, with Geoff's fear and desperation palpable throughout the scene.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective blending of horror and Western genres
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence may be disturbing to some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, effectively blending horror and Western elements to create a tense and terrifying atmosphere. The intense emotions, shocking events, and vivid imagery make it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of facing supernatural horrors in a rugged frontier setting is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively subverts expectations of a typical Western narrative by introducing elements of horror and psychological terror.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping and intense, with the protagonist facing a nightmarish ordeal in the wilderness. The escalating tension, unexpected twists, and high stakes drive the narrative forward and keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural horror genre by combining elements of guilt and redemption with traditional ghostly threats. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the supernatural threat and their descent into fear and desperation are well-portrayed. The protagonist's internal struggle and the eerie presence of the undead figures add depth to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant transformation in the scene, moving from initial disbelief and defiance to overwhelming fear and desperation. The encounter with the supernatural forces changes his perception of reality and his own mortality.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to survive the supernatural threat and confront his own fears and guilt. His actions and dialogue reflect his desperation and horror at the situation unfolding before him.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to defend himself against the ghostly intruders and escape from the danger they pose. This goal is directly related to the immediate circumstances he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and visceral, with the protagonist facing a life-threatening situation against supernatural adversaries. The escalating danger and the protagonist's fight for survival heighten the tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the supernatural beings posing a significant threat to the protagonist's survival. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the suspense and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, with the protagonist facing a life-or-death situation against supernatural adversaries. The threat of being overwhelmed by the undead figures adds a sense of urgency and danger to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new and unexpected threat to the protagonist. The supernatural encounter adds a layer of complexity to the narrative and sets the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's confrontation with the supernatural beings. The outcome is uncertain, adding to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of guilt, responsibility, and the consequences of one's actions. Geoff's confrontation with the supernatural beings represents a reckoning with his own past choices and their impact on his present situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, shock, and desperation in the audience. The protagonist's harrowing ordeal and the terrifying presence of the undead figures create a deeply emotional and impactful experience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the protagonist's fear and desperation in the face of the supernatural threat. The sparse but impactful lines enhance the atmosphere of terror and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the high stakes and emotional conflict faced by the protagonist. The vivid descriptions and raw dialogue keep the reader on the edge of their seat.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted to build tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the protagonist and the supernatural beings. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue cues that contribute to the visual storytelling. The scene is well-paced and engaging, drawing the reader into the action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the protagonist and the supernatural beings. The pacing and formatting enhance the overall impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened to increase its impact.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and could be streamlined to make it more concise and engaging.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow and could be sped up to create a more tense and exciting atmosphere.
  • The ending of the scene is anticlimactic and could be rewritten to provide a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Cut out unnecessary dialogue and action to make the scene more concise.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more engaging and natural.
  • Add more tension and excitement to the scene by increasing the pace and adding more conflict.
  • Rewrite the ending of the scene to provide a more satisfying conclusion.



Scene 36 -  Geoff's Fateful Encounter with the Horned God
EXT. ASPEN GROVE - NIGHT

SUPER: 3:33 AM

Geoff is jolted awake from his nightmare. Gasping and
praising God, he laughs and wipes sweat from his forehead.

GEOFF
You were right, Old Crow.
Time to leave.

A twig snap in the darkness activates his fight or flight
response. He rises with his rifle and checks to see if it's
loaded before he pulls the hammer back to firing position.

After a few tense moments, the trapper spies a huge rack of
antlers moving among the branches. Relieved, he relaxes and
chides himself. He rises and takes aim.

A deep, rumbling growl reverberates through the aspens. The
daggerlike antlers rise high above the brush to reveal the
Great Spirit. Fully ten feet tall, its hypnotic eyes smolder
with an intense blue-white light.

The wolflike muzzle snarls, revealing sharp, glistening
canine fangs. Paralyzed with fear, Geoff begins to mumble.

GEOFF (CONT'D)
Oh shit. Oh shit. Our Father, who
art in heaven, Hallowed be thy
Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be
done on Earth, as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
Forgive us our trespasses, As we
forgive those that trespass against
us. Lead me not into temptation,
But deliver me from evil. For thine
is the kingdom, The power, and the
glory, For ever and ever. Amen.

His shaking hand pulls the trigger. The rifle misfires.
Geoff drops it and grabs his pistol. It's empty. He searches
his pockets for bullets but finds only a rabbit's foot.

The impossible beast walks upright into the campsite on
powerful hominid legs supported by a pair of broad hooves.
It closes the distance in three strides.

Geoff stands transfixed and voices fill his head as he
stands before the Great Spirit. His hand goes slack and he
drops the good luck charm.
57.


The Horned God seems to stare into Geoff's mind. He goes
limp and begins to sway. Mouth wide open, eyes blank and
unblinking, Geoff levitates several inches off the ground.
Genres: ["Drama","Horror","Western"]

Summary In an aspen grove at 3:33 AM, Geoff, awakened by a nightmare, hears a twig snap and readies his rifle, thinking it's a threat. He is confronted by the Horned God, a massive supernatural creature, which causes him to levitate and go limp. Geoff, paralyzed with fear, tries to shoot it but his rifle misfires and his pistol is empty. The Horned God's hypnotic eyes and massive size leave Geoff helpless as the scene ends with him levitating off the ground.
Strengths
  • Atmospheric tension
  • Unique blend of genres
  • Emotional depth and complexity
  • Mysterious and powerful supernatural element
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic or cliched
  • Potential for confusion with the supernatural elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively blends genres and tones to create a gripping and memorable encounter with the Great Spirit. The tension, fear, and awe are palpable, and the supernatural elements add a layer of mystery and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of encountering the Great Spirit in a Western setting is unique and compelling. The scene explores themes of faith, fear, and the unknown, drawing on Native American mythology to create a rich and immersive experience.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Geoff's encounter with the Great Spirit, leading to a moment of intense fear and spiritual revelation. The tension builds effectively, and the supernatural elements drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a supernatural encounter in a natural setting, the use of prayer and religious themes in a horror context, and the unexpected twist of the misfiring rifle and empty pistol.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Geoff's internal struggle with faith and fear is central to the scene, adding depth and complexity to his character. The Great Spirit is a mysterious and powerful presence, heightening the tension and emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

Geoff undergoes a significant change in the scene, confronting his beliefs and fears in the presence of the Great Spirit. His encounter with the supernatural forces him to reevaluate his faith and face his inner demons.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and find courage in the face of a terrifying supernatural entity. This reflects his deeper need for strength and faith in the unknown.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal is to defend himself against the Great Spirit and survive the encounter. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is both internal, as Geoff grapples with his faith and fear, and external, as he faces the terrifying presence of the Great Spirit. The tension and suspense are high, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Geoff facing a powerful and mysterious entity that challenges his beliefs and survival instincts.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Geoff faces the terrifying presence of the Great Spirit and must confront his deepest fears and beliefs. The outcome of this encounter will have profound implications for his character and the story.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Geoff's character development and introducing the supernatural element of the Great Spirit. It sets the stage for further exploration of faith, fear, and the unknown in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of the misfiring rifle and empty pistol, as well as the supernatural appearance of the Great Spirit.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Geoff's belief in God and his encounter with a powerful, otherworldly being. This challenges Geoff's values and worldview, forcing him to question his faith and understanding of the supernatural.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, awe, and spiritual intensity in the reader. Geoff's internal struggle and the supernatural elements create a sense of unease and wonder, drawing the audience into the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys Geoff's fear and awe in the presence of the Great Spirit. His prayers and pleas for deliverance add to the atmosphere of terror and spiritual intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, supernatural elements, and the protagonist's struggle against a powerful force beyond his control.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation with the Great Spirit.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise action lines and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a suspenseful build-up to a climactic encounter with the Great Spirit, effectively conveying tension and fear.


Critique
  • The scene abruptly introduces the Horned God without providing sufficient context or buildup. It would be more effective to gradually reveal the creature's presence and establish its menacing nature.
  • The excessive use of the word "shit" detracts from the scene's tension and impact. Consider replacing it with more varied and impactful language.
  • Geoff's sudden recitation of the Lord's Prayer feels forced and unnecessary. It would be more effective to show his fear and desperation through his actions and dialogue.
  • The rapid succession of events, including the rifle misfiring, the pistol being empty, and Geoff finding only a rabbit's foot, feels contrived and undermines the believability of the scene.
  • The Horned God's ability to walk upright on hominid legs and close the distance in three strides is not adequately explained or foreshadowed, making it seem like an arbitrary deus ex machina.
  • The levitating and mind control aspects of the Horned God feel excessive and unnecessary. It would be more effective to focus on the creature's physical and psychological threat.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or consequence for Geoff. It would be more satisfying to provide a sense of closure or foreshadowing of his fate.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene by establishing the eerie atmosphere of the aspen grove and Geoff's growing unease.
  • Gradually introduce hints or signs of the Horned God's presence, such as strange noises, flickering shadows, or a sense of dread.
  • Allow Geoff's fear and desperation to build slowly, through his actions, dialogue, and internal thoughts.
  • Consider having Geoff encounter otherworldly or supernatural elements before confronting the Horned God to establish a sense of escalating danger.
  • Give the Horned God a more distinct and menacing appearance, with specific physical characteristics that set it apart from other creatures.
  • Explore the psychological impact of the Horned God's presence on Geoff, highlighting his sense of helplessness and the erosion of his sanity.
  • Provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene, either by revealing Geoff's fate or leaving the audience with an unresolved cliffhanger.



Scene 37 -  Violent Encounter in the Montana Wilderness
EXT. MONTANA WILDERNESS - MORNING

FLASHBACK

Mutt scampers along a stream bank. Nearby, Geoff stands
hidden behind a tree, spying on a young Blackfoot girl as
she picks blackberries.

He approaches silently from behind. A twig snaps. The dog
barks. Startled, the youth pivots and sees Geoff's feral
expression. He lunges at her and she inhales in surprise.

He covers the girl's mouth and with a brutal yank of her
long braided hair, drags her into the forest. She fights
back, reaching up to scratch his face. He bends her arm
painfully backward, lifting her off her feet. Mutt barks
furiously before running off.
Genres: ["Western","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens in the Montana Wilderness, where Mutt, a dog, is running along a stream bank. Geoff, an aggressive character, is spying on a young Blackfoot girl picking blackberries. He attacks and drags her into the forest, despite her attempts to fight back. The scene ends with the girl still struggling against Geoff.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Complex characters
  • Effective conflict
Weaknesses
  • Sparse dialogue
  • Graphic violence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, gripping, and sets a dark tone for the story. It effectively establishes the complex character of Geoff and the harsh realities of the wilderness.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of survival, moral ambiguity, and the clash of cultures in the wilderness is well-executed. The scene effectively sets up the internal and external conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and sets up significant conflicts and character dynamics. It propels the story forward by introducing key themes and tensions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation involving a historical or cultural context, with characters engaging in intense and morally ambiguous actions. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Geoff, are well-developed and complex. Their actions and motivations are intriguing, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff undergoes a subtle but significant change as his violent nature is revealed. The encounter with the Blackfoot girl sets the stage for his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene may be to assert power and control over the Blackfoot girl, reflecting deeper desires for dominance or superiority.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to capture or control the Blackfoot girl, possibly for nefarious purposes.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the tension and suspense. The clash of cultures and moral dilemmas heighten the conflict level.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Blackfoot girl resisting Geoff's control and the audience unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the brutal encounter between Geoff and the Blackfoot girl. It highlights the dangers of the wilderness and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts, character dynamics, and themes. It sets the stage for future events and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between the values of power and control versus freedom and autonomy. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about authority and dominance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and unease, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience. It delves into the darker aspects of human nature and survival.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sparse but impactful, conveying tension and conflict effectively. It reveals the characters' personalities and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful nature, drawing the audience into the conflict and power dynamics between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is appropriate for its genre, with clear descriptions and action lines.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene is too short and doesn't give the reader enough time to get to know the characters or the situation.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural.
  • The action is too predictable and doesn't create any suspense.
  • The ending is abrupt and unsatisfying.
Suggestions
  • Add more details to the setting and the characters.
  • Give the characters more depth and motivation.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add more conflict and suspense to the action.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending.



Scene 38 -  Escape and Escape: A Forest Confrontation
EXT. TRAPPER'S CAMP - MOMENTS LATER

At his camp, Geoff and his partner Hervé tie the young woman
to a tree, preparing to assault her. Mutt barks and the
men's heads swivel around. A young Blackfoot boy has
wandered into camp looking for his sister.

The villains panic and Hervé throws a hatchet at the boy,
missing as the child scrambles away. He and the dog retreat,
finding cover behind the trunk of a massive pine.

Realizing their evil deeds have been discovered, the
trappers immediately begin to gather their belongings. Geoff
secures the bound girl onto one of their mounts as they
scramble to evacuate the camp before reinforcements arrive.

They leave the clearing and enter the forest. Other than the
sound of the horses and the struggling girl, the woods are
silent. The men look at one another, unnerved by the quiet.

A hiss cuts the air as an arrow embeds itself in the throat
of Geoff's companion. Hervé falls sideways off the horse and
hits the ground with a thud. His shotgun discharges into the
belly of his unfortunate steed. It rears up and falls on top
of Hervé, killing him and spilling supplies everywhere.

Geoff scans the surroundings and quickly dismounts, aiming
his rifle. The young Blackfoot peers from behind the cover
of his tree trunk and Geoff fires, hitting the boy's arm.

The kidnapped girl spits out her gag and bites the horses
flank as hard as she can.
58.


The mustang's legs piston backward, kicking the white man in
the back, sending him flying and dumping the teen onto the
forest floor. Unburdened, the horse snorts and trots off
with a nicker, its tethered pack mule close behind.

The girl screams as Geoff gains his feet, attempting to
reload his rifle and gather his mount. The girl screams
again before Geoff rushes over and covers her mouth.

With an audible THWIP!, a Blackfoot arrow sinks itself in
Geoff's horse. It whinnies as it trots off into the forest,
dragging the pack mule against its will.

The bleeding boy stands his ground and bravely attempts to
nock another arrow.

In a frenzy, Geoff pulls his knife and brutally stabs the
struggling girl, leaving her to bleed. Turning to face the
boy, Geoff dodges the child’s weak shot. He hoists the
rifle, flips it around and steps forward to strike the
Blackfoot youth in the chest, knocking him to the ground.

A whooping cry is heard through the forest, and it becomes
clear that the alarm has been sounded. Muttering racist
curses, the trapper prepares to deliver a killing blow.

Mutt leaps in fearlessly to bite Geoff's calf, causing him
to abandon the attack and make his escape instead. Hands
slick with blood, Geoff grabs what he can and sets off.

The dog leaves the boy's side and hurries over to the
motionless girl. Lifesaver licks her face before he charges
off to track Geoff, shadowing him discretely at a distance.

END FLASHBACK.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Western"]

Summary At their camp, trappers Geoff and Hervé plan to assault a kidnapped young woman, but are interrupted by a Blackfoot boy looking for his sister. In the ensuing chaos, the woman escapes, the trappers are killed, and the boy is saved by Mutt, who bites Geoff's calf. The scene ends with Geoff fleeing, pursued by Mutt.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Disturbing themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, suspenseful, and emotionally impactful, with high stakes and significant character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal, survival, and escalating conflict is well-executed, with the introduction of the supernatural element adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping, with a strong focus on action and tension, driving the story forward and keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the survival genre by exploring themes of colonialism, violence, and redemption. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the gritty realism of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Geoff's descent into violence and desperation, and the bravery of the young Blackfoot boy and girl, creating a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

Geoff undergoes a significant change, descending further into violence and desperation, while the young Blackfoot boy and girl display bravery and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and power over the situation, reflecting his desire for dominance and survival in a hostile environment.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the camp and avoid being caught by the Blackfoot tribe, reflecting the immediate danger and threat he faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and moral stakes at play.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and adversaries that challenge his power and control.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with lives on the line and moral choices at play, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward with escalating conflict and the introduction of the supernatural element, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' fates and choices.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the trappers' belief in their superiority and the indigenous people's fight for justice and survival. This challenges the protagonist's values of power and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and empathy for the characters involved.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and serves to heighten the tension and conflict in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, alternating between action and quiet moments, and maintaining a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action lines, dialogue, and scene descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a survival/action sequence, building tension and conflict effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's intensity.


Critique
  • The opening of the scene is a bit confusing as it's not clear what is happening. It would be helpful to provide some context or exposition to establish the situation.
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people would actually talk.
  • The action is a bit too over-the-top and unrealistic. It's hard to believe that the trappers would be able to get away with such heinous crimes without being caught.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt and unsatisfying. It would be helpful to provide some closure or resolution to the story.
  • The overall tone of the scene is a bit too dark and depressing. It would be helpful to add some moments of levity or hope to balance it out.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a brief description of the setting and the characters involved.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Tone down the violence and make it more realistic.
  • Add some moments of levity or hope to balance out the dark tone.
  • Provide some closure or resolution to the story at the end.



Scene 39 -  Geoff's Fatal Encounter with the Wendigo
EXT. ASPEN GROVE - NIGHT

A stream of urine runs down the trapper’s buckskin leggings,
hissing as it reaches the embers of the campfire.

The sound breaks the creature's spell, releasing Geoff from
his hypnotic trance. His body drops to the dirt. Gasping, he
rises unsteadily, trying to rationalize what he is seeing.
Dazed, he blurts one final question.

GEOFF
Wait, am I still dreaming?

The Wendigo lifts a huge, bear-like paw. In one vicious
swipe, Geoff is disemboweled. His insides spill to the
ground in a steaming pile of organs. Confused, he looks
down, gawking at his exposed guts as they lie at his feet.
59.


GEOFF (CONT'D)
Oh shit.

Geoff's body convulses and spasms. His skin bleaches and
shrivels tight to his bones as his mist-like essence is
consumed by the Great Spirit.

The cadaverous wight crouches to scoop up the body's
eviscerated contents, stuffing loops of intestine into it's
mouth, chewing in eternal, insatiable hunger.

Geoff's animated corpse tromps out of the campsite, lurching
into the White Wood's aspen labyrinth. Its pale skin
blending into the bark, it staggers into the forest,
becoming more intangible until it disappears from sight.
Genres: ["Horror","Supernatural","Thriller"]

Summary Geoff, under the Wendigo's spell, urinates on the campfire, which breaks the trance. The Wendigo then disembowels him, causing his insides to spill out. Shocked, Geoff watches as his body shrivels, and his essence is consumed by the Great Spirit. The Wendigo starts eating Geoff's entrails while his animated corpse staggers into the forest, becoming more intangible until it disappears. The scene is dark, intense, and horrifying, with Geoff's question 'Wait, am I still dreaming?' as the key dialogue.
Strengths
  • Effective use of supernatural horror elements
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Creating a chilling and terrifying atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of dread and horror, with a well-executed supernatural element and a shocking conclusion that leaves a lasting impact on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of encountering a Wendigo in the wilderness is a unique and compelling idea that adds depth and intrigue to the scene. The supernatural element enhances the horror and suspense of the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the terrifying encounter with the Wendigo and the protagonist's gruesome fate, effectively building tension and delivering a shocking climax.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the Wendigo myth, blending Native American folklore with elements of horror and supernatural terror. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene serve their purpose in driving the horror and suspense, with the Wendigo being a particularly menacing and memorable presence.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a drastic and horrifying transformation, from a living being to a spectral entity consumed by the Wendigo, showcasing the consequences of encountering supernatural forces.

Internal Goal: 8

Geoff's internal goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with the surreal and horrifying events unfolding before him. His fear and confusion reflect his deeper need for survival and his desire to make sense of the inexplicable.

External Goal: 7

Geoff's external goal in this scene is to survive the encounter with the Wendigo and escape the terrifying situation. His immediate challenge is to process the supernatural events and find a way to protect himself.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonist and the Wendigo is intense and terrifying, with high stakes and a sense of imminent danger throughout the scene.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Wendigo presenting a formidable and terrifying obstacle for Geoff to overcome. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene involve the protagonist's life and soul being at risk in a terrifying encounter with a malevolent supernatural entity, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a pivotal supernatural element and delivering a shocking twist that propels the narrative towards a darker and more ominous direction.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and shocking events that unfold, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between the human world and the supernatural realm. Geoff's encounter with the Wendigo challenges his beliefs about reality, mortality, and the existence of otherworldly beings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene elicits strong emotions of fear, shock, and dread, leaving a lasting impact on the audience with its gruesome and terrifying imagery.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but serves to enhance the atmosphere and tension, with the protagonist's final words adding to the sense of dread.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, drawing the reader into Geoff's terrifying encounter with the Wendigo.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic and shocking conclusion.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a horror or supernatural genre, with clear scene headings and descriptive language to set the tone.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a horror or supernatural genre, building tension and suspense through its descriptions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene is confusing and hard to follow. It is not clear what is happening or why.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural.
  • The pacing is slow and the scene drags.
  • The ending is abrupt and unsatisfying.
  • The scene does not advance the plot or develop the characters.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a clear hook that grabs the reader's attention.
  • Use strong verbs and vivid imagery to create a sense of place and atmosphere.
  • Give the characters clear motivations and goals.
  • Build tension and suspense throughout the scene.
  • End the scene with a satisfying resolution or cliffhanger.



Scene 40 -  Aftermath of a Deadly Encounter: A Poacher's Fate
EXT. ASPEN GROVE - MOMENTS LATER

At the empty campsite, the dwindling fire casts ghostly
shadows on the surrounding forest. Falling leaves land on
the trapper's deer rifle and cover it completely.

A drop of blood trickles down the ivory trunk of an aspen
tree and finally reaches the roots, where it soaks into the
soil. Under a dazzling sky full of countless stars, the
mournful wail of the Wendigo echoes through the valley.


CUT TO BLACK - TITLE CARD - CREDITS

Music: 'Run to the Hills' by Roma Symphony Orchestra.

MID CREDITS SCENE - INT. HOSPITAL - EVENING

Bill lies heavily bandaged, reclined in his hospital bed.
His eyes are wide open, unblinking and staring at nothing.
Nurse TINA adjusts a pillow and gossips with Nurse AMY.

TINA
Life Flight guy said he's been like
that since they picked him up.

AMY
He's lucky the Natives found him.

TINA
Damn poachers. Police are still
looking for his buddy's body, but
they think a grizzly got him.

AMY
Hey, bear's gotta eat too, right?

The nurses laugh and turn to leave.
60.


TINA
That is so wrong.

The overhead light is switched off and the door closes. Bill
remains motionless under the dim halo of a desk lamp. An IV
drips out its dose while a cardiac monitor blips steadily.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary The scene opens in an aspen grove at dusk, where a poacher has been killed and his body dragged away by a mysterious creature. The scene then shifts to a hospital at night, where the surviving poacher, Bill, lies heavily bandaged and unresponsive. Hospital staff, Tina and Amy, discuss Bill's condition and the incident, making light of the situation. The scene ends with Bill left alone in the dim light of the hospital room, with no indication of his recovery.
Strengths
  • Effective atmosphere and tone
  • Compelling plot and conflict
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Certain character actions may be predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates a tense and chilling atmosphere, with strong emotional impact and high stakes. The supernatural elements and character interactions add depth to the story, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the Wendigo haunting the characters in a remote forest setting is unique and compelling. It introduces elements of horror and supernatural folklore, adding depth to the narrative and creating a sense of unease.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression of events that build tension and suspense. The introduction of the Wendigo as a supernatural threat adds complexity to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements like the Wendigo legend, the mysterious disappearance of the protagonist's friend, and the ethical dilemma surrounding the poachers and the grizzly bear. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their actions drive the plot forward. Geoff's descent into madness and the supernatural encounters with the Wendigo add depth to the character dynamics and create a sense of foreboding.

Character Changes: 8

Geoff undergoes a significant transformation in the scene, descending into madness and facing supernatural threats. His actions and decisions reflect his inner turmoil and the consequences of his choices.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the traumatic events that have occurred, including the disappearance of his friend and his own injuries. This reflects his deeper need for understanding, closure, and possibly survival.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to recover physically and emotionally from the ordeal he has experienced. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with his injuries and the aftermath of the events in the forest.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving both internal struggles and external threats. The characters face physical danger from the Wendigo and emotional turmoil from their past actions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, with the protagonist facing physical and emotional challenges that are difficult to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene involve the characters' survival in a hostile environment, haunted by supernatural forces. The threat of the Wendigo adds a sense of urgency and danger, raising the stakes for the characters and heightening the tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the Wendigo as a supernatural threat, deepening the conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets the stage for further developments and reveals the consequences of their actions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the plot, the supernatural elements, and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of survival, nature, and morality. The conversation about the poachers and the grizzly bear highlights the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters in a harsh and unforgiving environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, shock, and sadness, as the characters confront supernatural forces and face the consequences of their choices. The Wendigo's presence adds a sense of dread and unease, heightening the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, adding to the overall atmosphere of the scene. The interactions between the characters reveal their fears, desires, and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its atmospheric descriptions, intriguing dialogue, and the sense of mystery and suspense that keeps the audience hooked.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance between atmospheric descriptions, character interactions, and plot progression that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is appropriate for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a transition from the forest to the hospital, effectively setting up the narrative and introducing key characters and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a description of the empty campsite and the fire casting shadows on the forest. This is a good way to set the scene and create a sense of atmosphere, but it could be more engaging if it were tied to the story in some way. For example, you could mention that the trapper's deer rifle is still lying on the ground, or that the blood from the poacher's body is still visible.
  • The drop of blood trickling down the aspen tree and soaking into the soil is a nice touch, but it's not clear what significance it has. It could be a symbol of the poacher's death, or it could be a sign that the Wendigo is still lurking nearby. It would be helpful to provide some more context so that the reader can understand what this image means.
  • The wail of the Wendigo echoing through the valley is a good way to create a sense of dread and foreboding, but it's not clear why the Wendigo is wailing. Is it mourning the death of the poacher? Is it angry that the poacher has disturbed its territory? It would be helpful to provide some more information about the Wendigo's motivations so that the reader can understand why it is behaving the way it is.
  • The cut to black and the title card are effective ways to end the scene and leave the reader with a sense of suspense, but it could be more impactful if it were tied to the story in some way. For example, you could cut to black just as the Wendigo is about to attack Bill, or you could cut to black just as Bill is about to wake up from his coma.
  • The mid-credits scene is a nice way to provide some closure to the story, but it could be more effective if it were more closely tied to the main plot. For example, you could show Bill waking up from his coma and being reunited with his family, or you could show the police finding the poacher's body and bringing it back to town.
Suggestions
  • Add more details to the description of the campsite to make it more engaging and to tie it to the story in some way.
  • Provide more context for the drop of blood trickling down the aspen tree so that the reader can understand what significance it has.
  • Provide more information about the Wendigo's motivations so that the reader can understand why it is behaving the way it is.
  • Tie the cut to black and the title card to the story in some way to make it more impactful.
  • Make the mid-credits scene more closely tied to the main plot to provide more closure to the story.



Scene 41 -  Bill's Awakening: A Hopeful Dawn
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - LATER

A clock radio reads 3:33am. Bill's heart rate quickens,
speeding up rapidly and triggering a flashing alarm. The
motionless man's feet twitch beneath the blanket. He opens
the clenched fist of his bandaged hand to reveal the
rabbit's foot keychain held tightly in its grasp.

CUT TO: AN EXTREME CLOSEUP OF BILL'S FACE

Locked in a perpetual stare, the catatonic man's eyes
suddenly blink, creating a wisp of misty, glowing blue
aether that soon dissipates. The rapid beeps of the monitor
smooth out, steadying as Bill awakens. Tears of joy form in
his eyes as he raises the good luck charm.

BILL
Holy shit.

CUT TO BLACK. RESUME CREDITS.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Supernatural"]

Summary In a hospital room at 3:33am, Bill, in a catatonic state, suddenly begins to show signs of improvement. His heart rate increases rapidly, triggering an alarm, and his feet twitch. As he awakens, he opens his hand to reveal a rabbit's foot keychain, and tears of joy stream down his face. The room is filled with a misty, glowing blue aether emitted from his eyes. Bill, shocked and relieved, says 'Holy shit.' The scene ends with a cut to black and the credits, marking a hopeful turn of events.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Shocking twist with Bill's awakening
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and delivers a shocking twist with Bill's awakening, keeping the audience engaged and emotionally invested.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a character awakening from a catatonic state in a hospital room after a supernatural encounter is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds with a series of mysterious events leading to Bill's awakening, creating a compelling narrative that keeps the audience on edge.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of awakening and recovery, incorporating elements of superstition and medical science. The authenticity of Bill's actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Bill, are well-developed and evoke a range of emotions from fear to joy to shock.

Character Changes: 7

Bill undergoes a significant change by awakening from his catatonic state, marking a pivotal moment in his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Bill's internal goal in this scene is to awaken from his catatonic state and regain consciousness. This reflects his deeper desire to overcome whatever trauma or condition has left him in this state and return to a sense of normalcy.

External Goal: 7

Bill's external goal in this scene is to physically awaken and respond to the flashing alarm triggered by his heart rate. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the hospital room.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the supernatural forces and the characters creates a sense of danger and suspense throughout the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as Bill faces the challenge of awakening from his catatonic state. The audience is left unsure of the outcome until the final moment.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of Bill's life hanging in the balance and the supernatural forces at play heighten the tension and suspense in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the mystery of Bill's condition and setting the stage for further supernatural encounters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist of Bill's awakening and the mysterious elements surrounding his condition. The audience is kept on edge as they wait to see how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene could be the juxtaposition of science and superstition, as seen in the use of medical equipment and the rabbit's foot keychain. This challenges Bill's beliefs and may influence his perception of his own recovery.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions from fear to joy to shock, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and reactions to the supernatural events, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful buildup to Bill's awakening, as well as the emotional payoff of his realization. The use of visual and symbolic elements keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of awakening for the protagonist. The rhythm of the action enhances the emotional impact of Bill's realization.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions and visual cues to enhance the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of awakening for the protagonist. The pacing and formatting align with the genre expectations.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a close-up of a clock radio reading 3:33am, which is an effective way to create a sense of time and place. However, the scene then cuts to an extreme close-up of Bill's face, which is unnecessary and disorienting.
  • The dialogue in the scene is minimal, which can be effective in creating a sense of mystery and suspense. However, the line "Holy shit" is not particularly strong, and it would be better to replace it with something more impactful.
  • The scene ends with a cut to black and a resume of the credits. This is a bit abrupt, and it would be better to give the audience a chance to process what they have just seen.
  • The tone of the scene is somber and mournful, which is appropriate given the subject matter. However, the use of the rabbit's foot keychain as a symbol of hope is a bit too on the nose.
  • Overall, the scene is well-written and effective in creating a sense of mystery and suspense. However, there are a few minor changes that could be made to improve the scene.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a wider shot of the hospital room, which would help to establish the setting and create a sense of place.
  • Replace the line "Holy shit" with something more impactful, such as "I'm alive" or "I'm free".
  • Add a few more lines of dialogue to the scene, which would help to flesh out the characters and give the audience a better understanding of their motivations.
  • Give the audience a chance to process what they have just seen by adding a few seconds of silence before cutting to black.



Scene 42 -  Heartwarming Reunion by the River
POST CREDITS SCENE - EXT. ASPEN GROVE - AFTERNOON

A pair of canoes come to a halt on the river's shore.
Spotted Wolf leaps out and pulls the boats onto the gravelly
beach. Little Owl instructs the two young Crow girls to jump
out and they do, fearlessly.

Several yards further inland sits the small Native boat,
crudely patched up. Geoff's camp is empty and deserted. As
the family approaches to reclaim their property, something
shifts inside the canoe. The protective father draws his bow
as Little Owl shields the children from possible danger.

A woman's hand emerges over the side of the canoe. She sits
upright, long black hair flowing in the breeze. Wordlessly,
Spotted Wolf throws down his bow and races forward to
tearfully embrace his wife. Screaming their delight, the two
young girls run and throw themselves at their parents.

Standing in mute astonishment, Little Owl drops to her knees
and silently weeps tears of unfathomable joy. The forest is
once again alive with birds and animals, as the aspens wave
in leafy unison.

FADE TO BLACK
Genres: ["Drama","Adventure","Horror"]

Summary In a post-credits scene, a Native American family reunites in an aspen grove by the river's shore. After finding their abandoned boat and property, Spotted Wolf, his two daughters, Little Owl, and Spotted Wolf's wife embrace in tears of joy. The scene is filled with emotional reactions, set against the backdrop of the natural environment, and ends with the family reunited and the forest alive with sounds of wildlife.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystical elements
  • Satisfying resolution
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited exploration of horror elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-paced, and resolves multiple storylines effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a family reunion in a mystical setting with a touch of horror elements is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging, with multiple threads coming together in a satisfying conclusion.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of Native American characters, the natural setting, and the emotional reunion of a family. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and heartfelt.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show depth and emotion, especially in the reunion scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience a significant emotional change during the reunion, especially in the case of Spotted Wolf and his wife.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to reunite with his wife and children, reflecting his deep desire for family and love.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to reclaim their property and ensure the safety of his family in the face of possible danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is tension in the scene, the resolution is more focused on the emotional reunion rather than conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds suspense and uncertainty, creating a sense of danger and conflict that keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 6

While there is tension and potential danger, the focus is more on the emotional stakes of the family reunion.

Story Forward: 8

The scene resolves multiple storylines and sets up potential future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the potential danger and the unexpected reunion of the family, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the importance of family and love versus the potential dangers and threats in the world. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the power of love and family bonds.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from joy to fear to astonishment, making it highly impactful.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the emotions of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, suspenseful moments, and the heartwarming reunion of the family.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and emotion effectively, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a post-credits scene, building tension and emotion towards a climactic reunion.


Critique
  • The scene is a bit too long and could be trimmed down to make it more impactful.
  • The dialogue is a bit stiff and could be more natural.
  • The ending is a bit too neat and tidy and could be more ambiguous.
  • The scene could use more visual elements to make it more interesting.
  • The scene could be more emotionally resonant if the characters were more developed.
Suggestions
  • Cut out the unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • Rephrase the dialogue to make it more natural.
  • Leave the ending more open-ended to create more suspense.
  • Add more visual elements to the scene, such as the sound of birds singing or the smell of the forest.
  • Develop the characters more by giving them more backstory and motivation.