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Scene 1 -  Passion and Tragedy at Café Thérèse Raquin
1 INT. CAFÉ THÉRÈSE RAQUIN - NIGHT
The Café Thérèse Raquin is modeled after the present Café
Titanic in Old Montreal as the look, and feel of this classic
cafe fits the aura of the fictional Café Thérèse Raquin.
The cafe is in the basement of an old apartment building in
Old Montreal, with two windows that peek over the sidewalks.
The cafe has brick walls with uncovered heating pipes and
vents on the walls and ceiling.
A counter with a pastry display case runs down one wall. A
wall-length cushioned bench runs along the opposite wall's
length with small tables and wooden chairs in front of it.
The only light in the dark cafe comes from a jar candle on
one table. LAURENT, mid-20s male, sits naked on a wooden
chair with THÈRÈSE, mid-20s female, with short blonde hair,
wears only an open white blouse sits on his lap facing him.
The couple is passionately kissing, and Thérèse pulls away
slightly and stares into Laurent's eyes. She then slowly
grinds on his groin. Laurent whispers to her.
LAURENT
We deserve each other.
Thérèse pauses her movement and, while she remains on
Laurent's lap, turns to the table and pours a glass of wine.
She then takes a brown vial, opens it, empties the liquid
contents into the glass, and swirls it to mix it.
THÈRÈSE
We deserve this drink as well.
Thérèse takes a long sip of wine but keeps it in her mouth
without swallowing. She then kisses Laurent and releases the
wine into his mouth. Thérèse does it again and then takes the
remaining wine in the glass and downs it herself.
Thérèse throws the glass to the floor, and it shatters. She
then passionately grinds on top of him. Laurent grabs her
under her thighs and stands up as Thérèse wraps her legs
around his waist and hands lock around his neck.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Hold me tight, Laurent.
2.

Thérèse grinds on Laurent and then he tackles Thérèse onto
the floor. Thérèse screams on impact. He is on top of her,
and she wraps her legs tightly around him. He thrusts
forcefully into Thérèse, which causes her to moan loudly.
LAURENT
I will never let you go.
His thrusts then slow down to just a wiggle as Thérèse turns
her head as her arms fall limp to each side of her head, and
her legs slide off Laurent. He looks at her face, groans, and
falls on top of her listless as well.
They lay on the floor, a guy on a girl, eight lifeless limbs
intertwining, like an octopus out of water.

2 INT. BACK SEAT OF A TAXI - CONTINUOUS - DAY
HANA, a mid-30s Korean-American female, so hip that she makes
the second-hand clothes she wears look chic sits with her
husband and reads from her phone out loud.
HANA
They died together amid sex in
their double suicide. They stayed
in their embrace until the cleaning
person found them the next morning.
Hana takes the phone and embraces it by her heart, and rocks
her head from side to side.

HANA (CONT'D)
That story is so sexy, badass, and
cool! We have to buy this cafe as I
love that romantic backstory.
DEVON, mid-30s Caucasian male, type of guy that wears a
woolen beanie on a hot summer day, shakes his head at Hana.
DEVON
I love your dark side, but can we
check out the place before we
decide?
HANA
I can't wait to do you, on the same
spot, as the tragic lovers Thérèse
and Laurent did.
DEVON
Cool your jets, and let's get ready
to talk business.
3.

Hana checks her phone and is responding to a text.
HANA
The realtor, Sue, just text me that
she is there right now to meet us.

3 EXT. STREETS OF MONTREAL - CONTINUOUS - DAY
The car drives through Old Montreal as the couple gawk,
point, and smile. The taxi drives by the ferris wheel at La
Grande Roue de Montreal, then Bonsecours Market followed by
the Notre-Dame Basilica and turns on Rue Saint-Pierre.
HANA (V.O.)
Old Montreal is so French, it is
like we are driving through Paris.

4 INT. BACK SEAT OF TAXI - CONTINUOUS - DAYHO
Hana sticks her head and arms outside the taxi window and
holds her clenched fists over her head.
HANA
Je t'aime Vieux Montréal!
Devon pulls Hana back into the car and she plops down and
puts a big long kiss on Devon's cheek as he laughs at her
excitement.
DEVON
We definitely are not in New Jersey
anymore.
Hana playfully punches Devon in the arm.
HANA
It is the perfect place for our
French Cafe location.
DEVON
French pastry, espresso coffee, and
Jersey pork roll.
The two laugh as Hana points out the window.
HANA
There it is.
4.

5 EXT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE OUTSIDE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
The narrow cafe has a sign with large red letters THÉRÈSE
RAQUIN. Below the sign is a rolled-up awning with the
word CAFE on the facade of it.
The block has several boarded-up stores, and the cafe is down
the block from the Palais de justice de Montréal, the
Montreal Courthouse.
SUZANNE, mid-40s caucasian female, looks like a Hilary
Clinton fashion model, stands in front of the cafe. Devon and
Hana pull up in front of Suzanne, and they both come out of
the car.
SUZANNE
Hana? Devon?
DEVON
Yes, you must be Mrs. Michaud.
SUZANNE
Suzanne, please. You made great
time getting here.
Suzanne shakes both Devon and Hana's hands.
HANA
I hope the cafe lives up to the
pictures you showed us.
SUZANNE
That is why we are going to check
it out today.
DEVON
So that's the courthouse across the
street?
SUZANNE
Yes, and a developer is buying
these other storefronts as the
entire block gets a facelift.
DEVON
Why didn't the developers buy the
cafe too?
SUZANNE
The Cafe owner was a personal
friend, and I promised to sell it
only to people who would keep it a
cafe.
5.

HANA
Were you friends with the suicide
owners?
Devon widens his eyes at Hana and has both palms up in front
of him in reaction to her question.
SUZANNE
Not only knew them, but worked for
them here as a waitress.
DEVON
Sorry about my wife's enthusiasm
for the morbid story.
SUZANNE
That's a positive in this case, as
the reality is the suicide story
prevents people from buying it.
HANA
I think it is romantic.
Devon shakes his head as Suzanne looks at him with a furrowed
brow and a grin.
DEVON
I know. I am in trouble.
The three share a laugh.
SUZANNE
Let's go inside, check the place
out, and then I will give you the
complete backstory to the Thèrèse
Raquin Cafe.
HANA
With all the sordid details?
SUZANNE
It is even more depraved than you
think.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary In the dimly lit Café Thérèse Raquin, Laurent and Thérèse share a passionate encounter that leads to a tragic conclusion. Their intimate moment culminates in a sexual act on the floor, symbolizing their deep connection and reckless abandon. As they lie intertwined, lifeless on the floor, the scene captures the intense emotions and inevitable fate of their doomed relationship.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Intriguing setting
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the dark themes unsettling
  • Potential for controversy due to the portrayal of suicide

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the dark and passionate tone of the story, introduces intriguing characters, and hints at a complex backstory, engaging the audience from the start.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a cafe with a tragic history and the potential for new owners to uncover its secrets is compelling and sets up a strong foundation for the rest of the story.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces conflict and mystery with the suicide of the previous owners and the potential purchase of the cafe by Hana and Devon, setting up intrigue and tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and explores taboo themes of passion and tragedy, creating an authentic and compelling narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Thérèse, Laurent, Hana, Devon, and Suzanne are well-defined and each brings a unique perspective to the scene, adding depth and complexity.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse and Laurent undergo a change in their passionate interaction, hinting at deeper character development and potential arcs in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to feel desired and connected to Laurent, seeking validation and intimacy through their physical relationship.

External Goal: 7

The external goal is for Hana and Devon to purchase the cafe, driven by Hana's fascination with the romantic backstory and desire to recreate the tragic lovers' experience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the characters' differing views on the cafe's history and potential purchase adds tension and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and desires driving the characters' actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are established through the potential purchase of the cafe, the dark history surrounding it, and the personal connections of the characters to the location.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key characters, conflicts, and setting up the central premise of the narrative, laying the groundwork for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of taboo themes and unexpected character actions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the perception of the cafe's history as either romantic or morbid, reflecting differing values and perspectives on tragedy and love.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from passion and excitement to darkness and intrigue, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals character dynamics, especially between Hana and Devon, adding to the overall tone and setting up future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense emotions, sensual atmosphere, and mysterious backstory, drawing the audience into the characters' desires and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The scene's pacing effectively builds tension and emotion, creating a dynamic and engaging narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings and character interactions, effectively building tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a vivid description of the Café Thérèse Raquin, effectively setting the atmosphere. However, the transition from the intimate encounter to the lifeless aftermath feels abrupt and lacks emotional buildup. More context or internal thoughts could enhance the viewer's connection to the characters' motivations and emotions.
  • The dialogue between Laurent and Thérèse is minimal, which suits the passionate moment, but it may benefit from more depth. Adding a few lines that express their feelings or fears could create a stronger emotional impact.
  • The physicality of the scene is well-executed, but the abrupt shift to their lifeless state could confuse the audience. The visual metaphor of 'eight lifeless limbs intertwining, like an octopus out of water' is striking but may require clearer foreshadowing to prepare the audience for such a drastic change.
  • The use of the wine and the brown vial introduces a sense of foreboding, yet the implications of this act could be explored further. The audience might appreciate understanding Thérèse's motivations for drugging Laurent, as it adds complexity to her character.
  • The ending of the scene lacks clarity regarding the consequences of their actions. While it suggests a tragic end, it could benefit from a stronger emotional resonance or a hint of what’s to come in terms of their relationship dynamics.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal monologues or thoughts from Thérèse or Laurent during their intimate moment to provide insight into their emotional states and deepen audience engagement.
  • Incorporate dialogue that hints at their fears or desires, creating a more layered interaction that can heighten the tension and emotional stakes.
  • Foreshadow the tragic outcome with subtle cues earlier in the scene, such as a moment of hesitation or a shared glance that suggests the weight of their actions.
  • Clarify the significance of the wine and the brown vial by providing a brief moment where Thérèse contemplates her decision, allowing the audience to grasp the gravity of her actions.
  • Enhance the transition to their lifeless state by including a brief moment of realization or shock from either character, which could amplify the emotional impact and make the ending feel more earned.



Scene 2 -  Whispers of the Past
6 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - LATER - DAY
The cafe is dusty and barren as it has not been used in five
years. The brick walls are decorated with framed prints of
various Parisian scenes. There is a metal circular staircase
in the one corner of the cafe.
6.

Hana and Devon sit at a table in the middle of the cafe.
Devon works his phone while Hana gazes around at the room
with a soft smile on her face.
HANA
The rooms upstairs are small but
perfect for us to live in.
Devon puts his phone down.
DEVON
The kitchen is perfect for creating
our pastries and other baked
delights.
HANA
The brass coffee maker is in
amazingly great shape. Can't wait
to be the cool barista of our own
place.
Devon holds Hana's hands, and they smile at each other.
Suzanne walks in from outside and carries a tray with three
coffee containers.
SUZANNE
I gave you two some time to talk it
over without me in the room.
Suzanne gives each of them a coffee and sits down. The three
of them take a sip of their coffee.
SUZANNE (CONT'D)
So, what do you think?
HANA
Just one thing missing.
SUZANNE
What didn't you see?
Devon laughs and answers Suzanne.
DEVON
It is not something she hasn't seen
but something Hana hasn't heard
from you yet.
Suzanne looks puzzled and turns to Hana, and then the thought
pops in her head, and she puts her one finger in the air.
7.

SUZANNE
You want the entire scandoulous,
perverse, and sad saga of the
Thérèse Raquin Cafe.
HANA
Yes! Every detail. Do not leave
anything out.
SUZANNE
Everything?
DEVON
I know, my wife, take your time and
give us the whole enchilada.
SUZANNE
OK, sit back as it is a long story.
Some of the facts are even first-
hand accounts.
HANA
Wait. Let me record this as it
gives character to this place.
Hana takes her phone out and positions it in the middle of
the table.
HANA (CONT'D)
This is Suzanne Michaud, the
narrator of the tragic tale of
Thèrèse Raquin Cafe.
Hana gives the thumbs-up sign to Suzanne.
SUZANNE
Let's start the story right here,
ten years ago...
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the dusty, unused Thérèse Raquin Cafe, Hana and Devon excitedly discuss their plans for the space when Suzanne joins them with coffee. Hana encourages Suzanne to share the cafe's scandalous history, which she records on her phone. Initially hesitant, Suzanne ultimately agrees to recount the tale, setting the stage for a deeper exploration of the cafe's past.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intimate character interactions
  • Intriguing setup
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate conflict
  • Limited character development in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up intrigue and curiosity about the history of the cafe while establishing a warm and intimate connection between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the tragic history of the cafe through dialogue is engaging and adds depth to the setting.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the characters learning about the past of the cafe, setting the stage for potential conflicts and revelations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and premise with the Thérèse Raquin Cafe's tragic history, adding depth and intrigue to the narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are portrayed as curious, nostalgic, and connected, with hints of deeper emotions and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and revelations in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the full story of the Thérèse Raquin Cafe, which reflects her curiosity and desire for knowledge.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to decide whether to live in and run the cafe, reflecting her immediate circumstances and challenges.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is more subtle in this scene, focusing on the internal struggles and emotional dynamics of the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are not extremely high in this scene, but the emotional connections and potential conflicts add depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the history of the cafe and setting up potential conflicts and revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' dialogue and the revelation of the cafe's tragic history.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the desire for a fresh start and the weight of the cafe's tragic history. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about redemption and second chances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and curiosity, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional journey.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, revealing character dynamics and setting up the unfolding story of the cafe's history.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters and the mystery surrounding the cafe's history.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense as the characters delve into the cafe's history.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively shifts the tone from the intense and tragic atmosphere of the previous scene to a more light-hearted and conversational one. However, the transition could be smoother; consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after the previous scene to let the audience absorb the emotional weight before jumping into the new setting.
  • The dialogue is engaging and establishes character dynamics well, particularly the playful banter between Hana, Devon, and Suzanne. However, some lines feel a bit expository, especially when they explicitly describe their excitement about the cafe. Consider allowing the characters to express their feelings through actions or subtler dialogue rather than directly stating them.
  • The introduction of Suzanne as a storyteller is intriguing, but her character could be fleshed out more. Providing a bit of backstory or her connection to the cafe could enhance her role as the narrator and make the audience more invested in her recounting the story.
  • While the scene sets up an interesting premise for the 'sordid tale' of the cafe, the pacing feels a bit rushed. The audience may benefit from a more gradual build-up to the story, allowing for moments of anticipation or curiosity before diving into the narrative.
  • Hana's action of recording the story is a clever way to modernize the tale and connect it to present-day storytelling methods. However, it could be more impactful if we see her emotional reaction to the story she is about to hear, hinting at her investment in the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a reflective line from Hana or Devon to create a smoother transition from the previous intense scene.
  • Revise some of the dialogue to be less expository; instead of stating their excitement, show it through their actions or reactions to the cafe's environment.
  • Provide a brief backstory for Suzanne to establish her connection to the cafe and make her role as the narrator more compelling.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly to build anticipation for the story Suzanne is about to tell, perhaps by including a few more lines of dialogue that hint at the cafe's history.
  • Include a moment where Hana expresses her emotional investment in the story, either through her facial expressions or a line that indicates her curiosity and connection to the tale.



Scene 3 -  Monotony at the Café
7 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - TEN YEARS EARLIER - DAY
MADAME RAQUIN, female early-60s, short brunette hair, stands
behind the counter and ties a pastry box for a female
customer. Madame slides the box to this unnamed person.
UNKNOWN FEMALE
Thank you, Madame Raquin.
MADAME RAQUIN
Enjoy, and please come again.
The customer leaves and, Madame wipes down the counter.
8.

MADAME RAQUIN (CONT'D)
Thérèse. It is time to close up
shop.
Madame stops wiping and calls out again.
MADAME RAQUIN (CONT'D)
Thérèse, do you hear me?

8 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
THÈRÈSE, female mid-20s, slender, wears a white apron with a
white bandana over her blonde hair, sits on a stool with
knees raised, reads a Chloe Leclair paperback romance novel
that rests on her knees.
Madame Raquin appears at the open doorway to the kitchen.
MADAME RAQUIN
Thérèse, are you in a daze again?
Thérèse jumps up at the sound of Madame's voice and stuffs
the paperback in her apron's front pouch.
THÈRÈSE
Sorry, Mother, I didn't hear you.
MADAME RAQUIN
Really, Thérèse, sometimes you are
in a fog.
THÈRÈSE
Just reading, that's all.
MADAME RAQUIN
Not another Chloe Leclair love
novel. We need more eclairs and
less Leclairs in this kitchen.
Thérèse rolls her eyes.
THÈRÈSE
Very funny, her books relax me.
MADAME RAQUIN
I am going upstairs to start
dinner. Your husband should be home
shortly.
THÈRÈSE
I will be up in a bit to help you
after I lock up.
9.

MADAME RAQUIN
Don't forget, tonight is Thursday.
THÈRÈSE
How can I forget that?
Madame leaves the kitchen area, and you can hear her
footsteps going up the stairs to the apartment. Thérèse puts
up her index finger and rotates it in a circle while she
mumbles to herself in a sarcastic tone.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Thursday, the night when the living
dead visit us to play frigging
dominoes. Whoopee!
Thérèse grabs a cookie sheet and drags it across the floor
with her shoulders slumped.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Where in the world are dominoes the
highlight of the week?
She then flings it up on the counter as it bangs with a
clanging noise with the rest of the trays.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
We also must get dinner ready for
my pathetic husband, Camille.
Thérèse then drudges over to the doorway leading to the cafe,
takes the bandana off her head, revealing her long blonde
hair, and throws the bandana to the far counter. She looks at
the kitchen as she inhales and releases a deep breath.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Good night my faithful gallows. I
will return early tomorrow to
resume our same lethargic dance.
Thérèse turns the light off in the kitchen.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In this scene at Thérèse Raquin Café, Madame Raquin serves a pastry to a customer before calling her daughter, Thérèse, who is engrossed in a romance novel. Their playful banter reveals Thérèse's disdain for the upcoming domino game and her frustrations with her husband, Camille. As she prepares to close the café, Thérèse reflects on her monotonous life, culminating in her turning off the kitchen light, symbolizing her resignation to her routine.
Strengths
  • Strong character development for Thérèse
  • Effective use of dialogue to convey emotions
  • Establishes a melancholic tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone and establishes the character of Thérèse, providing insight into her internal struggles and dissatisfaction with her life.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of portraying the monotony and discontent in Thérèse's life is well-executed, offering a glimpse into the emotional depth of the character.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by revealing Thérèse's feelings towards her husband and her mother-in-law, setting the stage for potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of escapism and the clash between fantasy and reality. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Thérèse is a complex character with layers of emotions and internal conflicts, making her intriguing and relatable to the audience.

Character Changes: 6

Thérèse's character undergoes subtle changes in her attitude and outlook, hinting at potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to find solace and escape from her mundane life through reading romance novels. This reflects her desire for excitement and passion in her life, contrasting with her current reality.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to fulfill her duties at the cafe and prepare for her husband's return. This reflects the immediate circumstances and responsibilities she faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Thérèse's discontent and frustration rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Thérèse facing internal and external obstacles that hint at future conflicts.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character development and setting the tone for future conflicts.

Story Forward: 5

While the scene provides insight into Thérèse's character and relationships, it does not significantly advance the main plot of the screenplay.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and plot progression, but the underlying conflicts add depth and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between Thérèse's desire for escapism and passion through romance novels and the reality of her mundane life and responsibilities. This challenges her beliefs about love and fulfillment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and sympathy towards Thérèse, drawing the audience into her emotional turmoil and dissatisfaction.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys Thérèse's inner thoughts and emotions, adding depth to her character and setting the tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, relatable characters, and underlying tension between Thérèse's desires and reality.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and establishes the mood, leading to a satisfying conclusion.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, focusing on Thérèse's internal and external conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the mundane and monotonous life of Thérèse, contrasting her escapism through romance novels with her reality. This sets up a clear character dynamic and emotional context that can resonate with the audience.
  • Madame Raquin's dialogue is functional, providing exposition about the cafe and Thérèse's responsibilities. However, it could benefit from more depth or subtext to reveal her character's personality and relationship with Thérèse, rather than just being a directive voice.
  • Thérèse's disdain for the domino game and her husband Camille is well-articulated, but the humor in her sarcasm could be enhanced. The current tone feels a bit flat; injecting more wit or cleverness could elevate her character's voice.
  • The physical actions, such as Thérèse dragging the cookie sheet and throwing her bandana, effectively convey her frustration and tiredness. However, these actions could be more vividly described to create a stronger visual impact and emotional resonance.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual of Thérèse turning off the kitchen light, symbolizing her desire to escape her current life. However, this could be tied back to the overarching themes of the screenplay, such as entrapment and longing, to create a more poignant conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Thérèse reflects on her dreams or aspirations beyond her current life, creating a deeper emotional connection with the audience.
  • Enhance Madame Raquin's character by incorporating more nuanced dialogue that hints at her own struggles or desires, which could add layers to her relationship with Thérèse.
  • Infuse more humor or sarcasm in Thérèse's dialogue to showcase her personality and make her more relatable, potentially through witty retorts or playful banter with her mother.
  • Expand on Thérèse's physical actions with more descriptive language to evoke stronger imagery and emotions, making the scene more engaging for the audience.
  • Consider foreshadowing the tragic events to come by subtly hinting at Thérèse's discontent and yearning for change, which could enhance the dramatic tension of the narrative.



Scene 4 -  Dinner Tensions
9 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT DINING ROOM - LATER - NIGHT
Thérèse is on her knees by the dining room table, playing
with her tabby cat. She holds it tightly and gives it a big
hug.
THÈRÈSE
Oh, Francois, you are my closest
friend. I love you more than
anyone.
10.

MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Thérèse, set the table, please.
Thérèse kisses the cat, stands, and stoically places the
dishes, glasses, and silverware on the table for dinner.
Madame Raquin comes in from the kitchen with a bowl of salad.
Footsteps are heard coming up the stairs from the cafe.
MADAME RAQUIN
It must be my Camille.
CAMILLE, male late-20s, enters the room. He wears a sports
jacket and tie that looks like a frail child wearing his
father's clothes. Camille kisses Madame on the cheek.
CAMILLE
Good evening, Mother.
MADAME RAQUIN
Good evening. My boy.
Camille then gives Thérèse a peck on the cheek.
CAMILLE
Hello, my wife.
Thérèse says hello with a grunt.
THÈRÈSE
Hello.
MADAME RAQUIN
Thérèse, bring the chicken out, and
we can sit down to eat.
Thérèse goes to get the chicken while Madame and Camille both
sit at the table. Madame pours water into their glasses.
MADAME RAQUIN (CONT'D)
How was your day?
CAMILLE
Fantastic, my friend at work,
Laurent, shared with me his skills
in painting.
Thérèse comes back in and places the chicken on the table,
and takes her seat.
MADAME RAQUIN
Laurent is a painter?
11.

CAMILLE
Yes, he is an artist and is going
to open a small studio to work out
of.
MADAME RAQUIN
Imagine a court clerk that is a
painter.
Thérèse starts to eat and only peaks with her eyes at the
conversation between Madame and Camille.
CAMILLE
He is looking for investors for his
studio, so I invited him to play
dominoes with us tonight.
MADAME RAQUIN
Do you think it is right to
pressure our old friends to invest
money in an unknown artist?
CAMILLE
Laurent will not pressure them at
all. He is a gentleman and just
wants the opportunity to share his
skills with others.
MADAME RAQUIN
I do like when Laurent. What do you
think, Thérèse?
THÈRÈSE
What's one more tedious person
playing dominoes.
CAMILLE
There is nothing tedious about
Laurent, that is for sure. Wait,
you will see.
Madame pinches Camille's cheek as Thérèse shakes her head and
puts her head down to eat.
MADAME RAQUIN
I trust you, my son. Your friend is
welcomed here anytime.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Raquin dining room, Thérèse plays with her cat, Francois, while Madame Raquin instructs her to set the table for dinner. Camille arrives, excitedly discussing his day and his friend Laurent, an artist seeking investors. Thérèse remains disinterested in the conversation, particularly about Laurent, contrasting with Madame Raquin's approval of him. The scene highlights Thérèse's dissatisfaction and disengagement from family interactions, culminating in her silent resistance as Madame Raquin expresses trust in Camille's judgment.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Effective character development
  • Established tone and themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7

The scene effectively establishes the tone and dynamics of the Raquin family, showcasing the simmering discontent and tension among the characters. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important character traits.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of domestic discontent and unfulfilled desires is well-executed in this scene, laying the groundwork for future plot developments and character arcs.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Thérèse's dissatisfaction with her marriage and life is revealed, hinting at potential conflicts and resolutions to come.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on traditional family dynamics, exploring themes of autonomy and societal pressure with authenticity and depth.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue, with Thérèse's resentment and Madame Raquin's concern coming through effectively.

Character Changes: 6

Thérèse's discontent and resentment are further revealed, hinting at potential changes and growth in her character as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to maintain a facade of indifference and detachment, hiding her true feelings and desires. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and freedom from societal constraints.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to navigate the social expectations and interactions within her family, particularly in relation to Camille's friend Laurent and his artistic pursuits.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is an underlying tension and conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from Thérèse's discontent and Madame Raquin's concern for her daughter.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle yet impactful, creating a sense of unease and conflict that adds depth to the character interactions.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and relational tensions set the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions with significant consequences.

Story Forward: 6

The scene sets up future conflicts and developments within the Raquin family, moving the story forward by establishing key character dynamics and motivations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its subtle reveals and character interactions, keeping the audience intrigued about the underlying tensions and conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around societal norms and expectations versus individual desires and autonomy. Thérèse's reluctance to conform to traditional roles clashes with Camille and Madame Raquin's acceptance of societal norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of melancholy and unease, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals the characters' emotions and motivations, adding depth to the scene and setting up future conflicts.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to its subtle conflicts and character dynamics, drawing the audience into the complex relationships and emotions at play.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of quiet reflection and character interaction to enhance the overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre and enhancing the readability of the script.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the tension and dynamics between the characters, adhering to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the mundane and strained dynamic within the Raquin household. Thérèse's affection for her cat contrasts sharply with her cold interactions with Camille, highlighting her emotional isolation. This juxtaposition could be further emphasized through more internal monologue or visual cues that show Thérèse's growing discontent.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat expository, particularly in Camille's enthusiastic description of Laurent. While it serves to introduce Laurent's character, it lacks subtlety and can come across as forced. A more organic way to reveal Laurent's significance could be through indirect references or a more dynamic conversation that shows Thérèse's disinterest rather than telling it.
  • Thérèse's character is established as disinterested and frustrated, but her motivations could be deepened. Adding a moment where she reflects on her feelings about Camille or her life could enhance her emotional arc. This would create a stronger connection for the audience to her plight and set the stage for her later actions.
  • The physical actions in the scene, such as Thérèse setting the table, could be used to symbolize her role in the family and her feelings of entrapment. More descriptive actions or gestures could convey her emotional state, such as how she places the dishes on the table or her body language while interacting with Camille and Madame Raquin.
  • The scene ends with Madame Raquin expressing trust in Camille's judgment about Laurent. This moment could be more impactful if it included a hint of Thérèse's internal conflict or resentment, perhaps through a silent reaction or a brief but telling glance that conveys her feelings about Laurent's impending arrival.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating internal monologue for Thérèse to provide insight into her feelings about her life and her relationships with Camille and Madame Raquin. This could help to deepen her character and make her frustrations more palpable.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less expository. Instead of Camille directly stating Laurent's qualities, consider having him share a story or anecdote that illustrates Laurent's character, allowing Thérèse's disinterest to come through more subtly.
  • Add more physicality to Thérèse's actions while she sets the table, perhaps showing her frustration through the way she handles the dishes, which could visually represent her emotional turmoil.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes of the scene by showing Thérèse's reactions to Camille's excitement about Laurent. A brief moment of eye-rolling or a heavy sigh could effectively convey her disdain without the need for explicit dialogue.
  • Strengthen the ending by including a moment that hints at Thérèse's internal conflict regarding Laurent's upcoming visit. A lingering glance, a slight frown, or even a moment of hesitation before she resumes eating could add depth to her character and foreshadow future developments.



Scene 5 -  A Game of Dominoes and Flirtation
10 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - LATER - NIGHT
In the cafe, Thérèse and Madame push tables together for the
game of dominoes. Camille sits on a stool by the counter on
his phone and gets up to help the women.
12.

MADAME RAQUIN
No, no, Camille. How many times I
have told you no physical work for
you. Now sit back down.
CAMILLE
Whatever you say, Mother.
Camille sits back down, and Thérèse slams a chair down in
place. Madame and Camille both jump at the sound.
THÈRÈSE
Sorry, it slipped. But Mother, you
also have a heart condition, and
you keep working.
MADAME RAQUIN
I am fine. The exercise does me
good.
Thérèse shakes her head with a forced grin and continues to
prepare for the game of dominoes. Madame sets up on the
counter carafes of coffee, cups, and a tray of cookies.
CAMILLE
Just got a text from Laurent. He is
here.
The door from the cafe opens and LAURENT, male late-20s,
wears a tight shirt ala Mark Wohlberg, enters with a big
smile.
LAURENT
Hello, Camille.
CAMILLE
Come in, my friend. You remember my
Mother.
Laurent walks to Madame and holds her hands with both of his,
in a hand sandwich as he speaks.
LAURENT
You look even younger than the last
time I saw you.
Madame blushes and playfully slaps Laurent on the shoulder.
MADAME RAQUIN
You are always a delight to be
around. Camille tells us you are an
artist.
Laurent looks at Camille and then back at Madame.
13.

LAURENT
I told him not to say anything to
anyone. But now that it is out,
painting is my passion.
MADAME RAQUIN
Nothing you should hide. Let the
world know.
CAMILLE
I agree, Mother. That is why I
invited him here tonight.
Camille turns to Laurent.
CAMILLE (CONT'D)
Laurent, you remember my wife,
Thérèse.
Laurent looks over at Thérèse on the other side of the table.
LAURENT
How in the world did you ever marry
the most stunning girl in Montreal?
Everyone chuckles as Thérèse blushes and bows her head
modestly to greet him.
THÈRÈSE
You are too kind.
LAURENT
I only speak the truth.
CAMILLE
Come outside with me for a minute,
Laurent, as I have something to
discuss with you.
LAURENT
I hope you two beautiful women
don't mind us stepping out.
MADAME RAQUIN
Go, go, discuss your business. The
women will set things up in here.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In Thérèse Raquin's café, the atmosphere is light-hearted as Thérèse and Madame Raquin prepare for a game of dominoes. Camille, despite his health issues, tries to assist but is urged by his mother to rest. Laurent arrives, charming both women with compliments and enthusiasm for painting, creating a playful dynamic. The scene highlights Madame Raquin's determination to work despite her heart condition, leading to a subtle conflict. As the evening unfolds, Camille invites Laurent outside for a private discussion, leaving the women to continue their preparations.
Strengths
  • Nuanced character relationships
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited character growth
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the characters' relationships and motivations while introducing a new element with Laurent's arrival. The tension and emotional depth add layers to the story, making it engaging and compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family dynamics, societal expectations, and artistic pursuits is well-developed in this scene. The introduction of Laurent adds a new dimension to the story, setting up potential conflicts and character growth.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as new characters are introduced, relationships are established, and tensions begin to surface. The scene sets the stage for future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on familial relationships and hidden passions, adding complexity to the characters' motivations and interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their relationships are nuanced, with each displaying distinct personalities and motivations. Thérèse's resentment, Camille's compliance, and Laurent's charm create a dynamic interplay that adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle hints of character growth and change, particularly in Thérèse's resentment and Laurent's charm, the scene primarily focuses on establishing the characters' dynamics and motivations. Future scenes may explore deeper character development and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the delicate balance between her feelings towards Laurent and her loyalty to her husband Camille. This reflects her deeper desires for love and fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

Camille's external goal is to discuss something important with Laurent, possibly related to his art or their relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining harmony within the family dynamic.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces interpersonal conflicts between family members and sets up potential conflicts with the arrival of Laurent. The tension and underlying resentments create a sense of unease and foreshadow future confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, with hints of underlying secrets and conflicting desires. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the relationships will unfold.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on interpersonal dynamics and character relationships. However, the introduction of Laurent and the underlying tensions hint at higher stakes and potential conflicts to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters, establishing relationships, and setting up potential conflicts. The interactions and dialogue hint at future plot developments, engaging the audience and driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the underlying tensions and secrets that are hinted at but not fully revealed. The audience is left wondering about the true motivations and intentions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around honesty and loyalty. Laurent's secret passion for painting and the implications it has on his relationships with Camille and Thérèse challenge the characters' beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from resentment and tension to affection and playfulness. The characters' complex relationships and desires create a sense of emotional depth, engaging the audience and drawing them into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, desires, and conflicts. The interactions between the characters reveal underlying tensions and set up future plot developments, engaging the audience and driving the story forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the subtle tensions, and the unfolding of hidden desires and conflicts. The dialogue and character development keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with a balance between dialogue and action. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a character-driven drama, with a clear focus on dialogue and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces Laurent, creating an immediate sense of charm and charisma that contrasts with the existing family dynamics. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes and character relationships.
  • Thérèse's frustration with her family and her situation is evident, yet it feels somewhat surface-level. Infusing her lines with more emotional weight could enhance the audience's understanding of her inner turmoil and dissatisfaction.
  • The interactions between characters, particularly the playful banter, are engaging but might come off as too light-hearted given the context of Thérèse's struggle. Balancing humor with the underlying tension in her life would create a more compelling dynamic.
  • The description of Laurent's entrance and his flirtation with Madame Raquin is amusing but could be expanded to show how Thérèse reacts to Laurent's charm. This would add depth to her character and foreshadow her eventual attraction to him.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transition from the family dynamic to the introduction of Laurent feels abrupt. A moment of pause or reflection from Thérèse could help bridge this transition and highlight her emotional conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Thérèse as she prepares for the game, reflecting on her feelings about Laurent and her current life situation. This would provide insight into her character and set the emotional tone for the scene.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions from Thérèse that subtly convey her discomfort or frustration with her family dynamics, especially in response to Laurent's charm. This would enhance the visual storytelling.
  • Introduce a moment where Thérèse and Laurent lock eyes, capturing a brief connection that hints at their future relationship. This could serve as a powerful visual cue for the audience.
  • Expand on the dialogue when Laurent compliments Thérèse. Allow Thérèse to deflect the compliment in a way that reveals her insecurities or dissatisfaction with her life, deepening her character development.
  • Consider using the game of dominoes as a metaphor for the characters' relationships and conflicts. For example, the way they set up the game could parallel the tension and dynamics at play in their lives.



Scene 6 -  Evening Camaraderie at Thérèse Raquin Cafe
11 EXT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE OUTSIDE - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
The awning is open outside the cafe. Camille and Laurent sit
at one of the two small tables out front.
14.

CAMILLE
Don't agressively ask people to
financially support your art studio
tonight.
LAURENT
My friend, I am tactful and will
smooth-talk my way into their good
graces tonight. That is all.
CAMILLE
Good, good. Here comes Michaud and
Grivet.
Laurent turns to look down the street for the two men.
LAURENT
I know Grivet from the courthouse.
He is your boss.
CAMILLE
Yes, also an old family friend who
got me the position.
LAURENT
And Michaud?
CAMILLE
Michaud is a retired police officer
who was my father's partner when he
was killed while stopping a
dépanneur robbery.
Camille puts his head down, and Laurent pats him on the upper
arm.
LAURENT
Sorry, I stirred that sorrowful
memory for you.
CAMILLE
I'm fine.
LAURENT
Why do they go by their last names?
Grivet? Michaud?
CAMILLE
They grew up together and always
used their last names as kids.
LAURENT
Childhood friends, that is nice.
15.

CAMILLE
They wanted to keep the naming
tradition. But out of respect to my
Mother, they call her Madame Raquin
instead of just Raquin.
LAURENT
Madame Raquin is a name that honors
your Mother and your Father's
memory.
CAMILLE
It caught on, and now everyone
calls her Madame Raquin.
MICHAUD, male early-60s, has a Magnum P.I. mustache,
approaches Camille and Laurent with GRIVET, male early-60s, a
man born to wear a sweater vest.
MICHAUD
Good evening, Camille.
CAMILLE
Hello, Michaud and Grivet. Here is
my friend Laurent who will join us
in dominoes tonight.
MICHAUD
Always like some fresh meat.
The four guys laugh as Michaud shakes Laurent's hand.
GRIVET
I know Laurent from the courthouse.
Grivet shakes Laurent's hand.
MICHAUD
My son, Oliver, and his wife,
Suzanne, will be here shortly.
GRIVET
Remember Laurent, what happens in
the cafe stays in the cafe.
Grivet grins and waves his finger jokingly in Laurent's face.
MICHAUD
Especially when Grivet cries after
he loses again.
Michaud gives a hearty laugh and guides the four guys into
the Cafe.
16.

GRIVET
Not tonight, Old Michaud, not
tonight.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Camille and Laurent sit outside the Thérèse Raquin Cafe at night, discussing their plans and reminiscing about their connections with Michaud and Grivet. When the two friends arrive, the atmosphere becomes jovial as they engage in playful banter and prepare to play dominoes inside the cafe. The scene highlights the camaraderie among the characters, with Camille expressing caution about Laurent's financial pursuits while Laurent reassures him. The light-hearted exchanges set a friendly tone as they all enter the cafe together.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Establishing relationships and dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the relationships and dynamics between the characters, providing insight into their past and current interactions. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, centered around a game of dominoes, serves as a vehicle to explore the characters' relationships and history. It effectively introduces key elements of the story and sets the tone for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters interact during the domino game, setting up potential conflicts and developments. The scene establishes key relationships and dynamics that will likely impact future events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and naming traditions, adding authenticity and depth to the story. The dialogue feels fresh and engaging, capturing the essence of the characters' relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Each character has distinct traits and motivations that drive their actions, making them engaging and relatable.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and relationships, there are no significant character changes in this scene. The focus is more on establishing the characters' personalities and backgrounds.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain composure and hide his emotions, especially regarding his father's death. This reflects his desire to appear strong and unaffected by past traumas.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to introduce his friend to his colleagues and ensure a smooth social interaction. This reflects his desire to maintain positive relationships and social standing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of potential conflicts and tensions between the characters, the scene primarily focuses on establishing relationships and dynamics. The conflict is more subtle and underlying, setting the stage for future developments.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, adding tension and unpredictability to the interactions. The characters' conflicting values and playful banter create a sense of challenge and intrigue.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as the focus is more on establishing relationships and dynamics rather than high-intensity conflicts or events. The scene sets the stage for potential conflicts and developments in the future.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key relationships, dynamics, and conflicts that will likely impact future events. It sets the stage for further developments and reveals important information about the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected reactions and playful banter. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' loyalty to tradition and respect for family. This challenges the protagonist's values of independence and emotional detachment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as the characters' interactions reveal their vulnerabilities, desires, and histories. There is a sense of nostalgia and longing that adds depth to the relationships portrayed.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' backgrounds and relationships. It sets the tone for the scene and provides insight into the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and underlying emotional tension. The humor and camaraderie draw the audience into the characters' world, creating a sense of intimacy and connection.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing dialogue, action, and emotional beats effectively. The rhythm of the interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' relationships.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to standard screenplay conventions. The dialogue is properly formatted, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of events, with clear character introductions and interactions. The pacing and dialogue flow smoothly, engaging the audience in the unfolding narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes camaraderie among the male characters, showcasing their relationships and setting the tone for the upcoming domino game. However, the dialogue lacks tension and stakes, making it feel somewhat flat. The interactions are friendly but could benefit from a deeper exploration of underlying motivations or conflicts, especially considering the dark themes of the overall screenplay.
  • The exposition regarding the characters' backgrounds, particularly Camille's family history, is informative but could be woven more seamlessly into the dialogue. Currently, it feels like a series of facts rather than a natural conversation. Incorporating subtext or emotional resonance could enhance the impact of this information.
  • The humor present in the banter, particularly with Grivet's line about crying after losing, lightens the mood but may undermine the darker themes of the story. While comic relief can be effective, it should be balanced with the gravity of the characters' circumstances and the tension that is building around Camille's relationship with Laurent.
  • The scene transitions from a more serious tone to lighthearted banter without a clear bridge, which can be jarring for the audience. Establishing a more gradual shift in tone or incorporating moments of reflection could create a smoother narrative flow.
  • The physical setting of the café outside could be utilized more effectively to reflect the characters' emotions or foreshadow events. Descriptive elements that hint at the atmosphere, such as the weather or the ambiance of the café, could enrich the scene and provide deeper context.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict within the dialogue that hints at the darker themes of the screenplay. For example, Laurent could make a comment that subtly alludes to his ulterior motives or Camille's vulnerabilities.
  • Integrate the exposition about the characters' backgrounds more organically into the conversation. Perhaps Laurent could ask Camille a question that leads to a more personal revelation, allowing for a more natural flow of information.
  • Balance the humor with moments of seriousness. Perhaps after a joke, a character could have a fleeting moment of introspection that hints at their deeper struggles, creating a contrast that enriches the narrative.
  • Create a smoother transition in tone by incorporating a moment of silence or reflection between the more serious and lighthearted exchanges. This could involve a character looking away or a shared glance that conveys unspoken thoughts.
  • Enhance the description of the café setting to reflect the characters' emotions. For instance, if Laurent is feeling anxious, the scene could describe a chilly breeze or flickering lights, subtly mirroring his internal state.



Scene 7 -  Art, Laughter, and Coffee
12 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - LATER - NIGHT
On one side of the table is Grivet, Old Michaud, OLIVER,
Michaud's son, early-30s, tall, thin, with a pale complexion
of a Tim Burton character, SUZANNE, Oliver's wife, early-30s,
a woman that is not wearing make-up, but should.
On the other side of the table is Laurent, Camille, Madame
Raquin, and Thérèse. Grivet just dumped the box of dominoes
on the tabletop. Madame Raquin jumps from the noise and
stands up from the table.
MADAME RAQUIN
The crashing noise of the dominoes
always startles me.
GRIVET
I love the sound of a new game.
MADAME RAQUIN
Skip me for this round as I will
get the coffee to top off
everyone's cup.
Madame gets the coffee and goes around the table, pouring as
everyone selects their dominoes tiles from the middle of the
table.
LAURENT
Oliver, you look familiar to me.
Have we ever met?
OLIVER
Not formally, but I am sure we have
seen each other in town.
MICHAUD
Oliver is the police dispatcher for
the Service de police de la Ville
de Montréal, the Montreal Municipal
police force.
GRIVET
So watch what you say, or he will
have you arrested.
SUZANNE
If that were the case, then you
would be in jail already, Grivet.
17.

Everyone laughs at Suzanne's remark as Grivet waves his
finger at her.
CAMILLE
You don't have to worry about
Laurent as he is an accomplished
artist.
LAURENT
I am but a simple struggling artist
trying to open my own studio.
OLIVER
Do you paint landscapes or life
forms?
LAURENT
You could say I'm a portraitist, as
I love painting the faces of
people.
GRIVET
Faces? How about the nude female
form? I am sure you have painted
many alluring redheads in your
time.
Madame playfully slaps Grivet on top of his head as she fills
his cup with coffee.
MADAME RAQUIN
Grivet, don't be crass again at
this table.
GRIVET
Sorry, Madame, but it is an
artistic question.
LAURENT
It is a fair question as I have
done both the male and female
bodies in my small studio.
CAMILLE
I can't imagine looking at a nude
woman posing.
GRIVET
I certainly can!
Everyone laughs at Grivet, as Thérèse just rolls her eyes.
MADAME RAQUIN
No bawdy talk here, Grivet.
18.

OLIVER
It is just art, Madame, classic
art.
Laurent looks over toward Thérèse, who smiles without showing
any teeth and then diverts her eyes.
CAMILLE
Lawerence wants to become a full-
time artist in his own studio.
MICHAUD
We would love to see your work.
CAMILLE
Laurent, show them the pictures of
your work on your phone. You will
be blown away by his skill.
Laurent takes out his phone, opens up the app with his art
portfolio, and passes it to Michaud. Oliver, Grivet, and
Suzanne all lean in to view the artwork on his phone.
LAURENT
Camille, you are too kind.
MADAME RAQUIN
Nonsense, my boy, you have a
talent, and it should be shared.
CAMILLE
Laurent also has a Go-Fund-Me page
online to support his work.
MADAME RAQUIN
I don't know any of that computer
world garble, but I know good art
when I see it.
MICHAUD
You should get more in tune with
today's world, Madame.
Madame playfully waves her hand at Michaud as he passes
Laurent's phone to Thérèse.
MADAME RAQUIN
Thérèse, can you get us some milk
from the kitchen.
Thérèse nods to Madame and walks to the kitchen as she looks
at the pictures on Laurent's phone.
19.

LAURENT
I am looking for a patron to
financially support my studio until
I can have my own art exhibition.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a lively café setting, a group of friends gathers to play dominoes and share laughter. Madame Raquin serves coffee while Grivet's crude joke about nude painting prompts playful reprimands. Laurent discusses his artistic ambitions and shares his artwork, receiving encouragement from Camille and Madame Raquin. The atmosphere is jovial, filled with camaraderie as Thérèse is sent to fetch milk, and the scene concludes with Laurent expressing his desire for a patron to support his art studio.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Camaraderie
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and entertaining, providing insight into the characters' personalities and relationships. The banter adds depth to the interactions and sets up potential conflicts and developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the characters' relationships through banter and discussions about art is well-executed. It adds layers to the story and sets up future plot points.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Laurent seeks financial support for his studio, setting up potential conflicts and developments. The scene also establishes the camaraderie among the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on art and social interactions, with a focus on individual expression and societal norms. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their interactions and dialogue. Each character's personality shines through, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There are subtle hints at character dynamics and potential changes, but no significant character development occurs in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and distance herself from the bawdy and inappropriate conversations happening at the table. This reflects her desire to keep a sense of dignity and propriety in social situations.

External Goal: 7

Laurent's external goal is to find a patron to financially support his studio and have his own art exhibition. This reflects his immediate challenge of establishing himself as an artist and gaining recognition for his work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is light banter and potential conflicts hinted at, the scene primarily focuses on camaraderie and support among the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values, power struggles, and social dynamics creating tension and uncertainty. The characters face obstacles and challenges that add depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and camaraderie than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Laurent's struggle as an artist and setting up potential conflicts and developments related to his studio.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in conversation, shifting power dynamics, and conflicting values among the characters. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how each interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the perception of art and the boundaries of propriety. Grivet's comments on nude art challenge traditional notions of decency and artistic expression, leading to a clash of values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits positive emotions and amusement through the characters' interactions and banter. It sets a light-hearted tone for the story.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, playful, and engaging, revealing the characters' relationships and dynamics. It adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its lively dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and underlying tension. The mix of humor, drama, and social commentary keeps the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balanced rhythm of dialogue exchanges, character interactions, and thematic exploration. It maintains a steady flow and builds tension effectively, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and thematic development. It maintains a cohesive flow and pacing, enhancing the overall narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a light-hearted atmosphere with the banter among the characters, but it lacks deeper emotional stakes. The dialogue is witty, but it feels somewhat superficial, not fully exploring the characters' motivations or underlying tensions.
  • The introduction of Laurent as a struggling artist is a good setup for future conflict, yet the scene doesn’t delve into his aspirations or the emotional weight behind them. This could be an opportunity to showcase his passion for art and his desire for recognition, which would create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • Madame Raquin's character is established as nurturing yet strict, but her reactions could be more nuanced. For example, her playful reprimands of Grivet could hint at a deeper concern for decorum and propriety, reflecting her own struggles with her family dynamics.
  • Thérèse's disinterest in the conversation is apparent, but her internal conflict could be expressed more vividly. Instead of just rolling her eyes, consider incorporating subtle physical cues or internal thoughts that reveal her dissatisfaction with her life and her growing attraction to Laurent.
  • The scene ends with a transition to Thérèse fetching milk, which feels abrupt. It would benefit from a more seamless connection to the next scene, perhaps by foreshadowing her internal struggle or her feelings for Laurent as she interacts with his phone.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a brief moment of silence or a reflective pause after a particularly humorous exchange to allow the audience to absorb the dynamics and underlying tensions among the characters.
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that hints at Thérèse's discontent with her life or her marriage to Camille, which would deepen her character and set up future conflicts.
  • Enhance Madame Raquin's character by showing her vulnerability or concern for her family's well-being, perhaps through a moment of introspection or a private exchange with Thérèse.
  • Use Thérèse's actions in the kitchen to reflect her emotional state. For instance, she could hesitantly reach for the milk, symbolizing her struggle between her duties and her desires.
  • End the scene with a stronger emotional hook, such as Thérèse glancing back at Laurent with a conflicted expression, suggesting her growing attraction and the complications it brings.



Scene 8 -  Artistic Ambitions and Hidden Desires
13 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Thérèse gets milk out of the refrigerator in the kitchen. She
takes the milk in one hand and looks at Laurent's phone with
the other. She bends down on the floor to pour some milk into
her cat's bowl.
THÈRÈSE
My, my, Francois, look at these.
Laurent's phone shows nude paintings of men and women. The
conversations of the domino players are heard faintly in the
background. Thérèse stays in a crouch, petting, and
whispering to the cat as Francois laps up the milk.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
He is like a character from my
Chloe Leclair's romance novels.
Damn, I wish I had a phone like
this.
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Thérèse, hurry up with the milk.
Thérèse puts her phone away, scrunches up her face and sticks
her tongue out, and responds in a monotone voice.
THÈRÈSE
I'm coming, Mother.

14 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - CONTINUOUS
Thérèse comes back to the table with the small pitcher of
milk in her hands.
MADAME RAQUIN
Stop dawdling, Thérèse. Laurent
needs some milk.
LAURENT
No rush, Thérèse, as I will wait
for you.
Thérèse hands Laurent his phone back to him. Laurent takes it
with two hands and gently glazes over her hand with his as
she pulls it away slowly. Thérèse puts the milk down in front
of Laurent and goes back to her seat.
20.

MICHAUD
You understand, Laurent, that we
would like to see your work first
before making any decisions.
LAURENT
I tell you what. I will do you one
better. I will paint a portrait of
Camille.
Camille jumps up and puts both hands to his chest.
CAMILLE
A portrait of me?
MADAME RAQUIN
Oh, that would be marvelous.
LAURENT
I will come here every night for
about two weeks, and Camille will
sit for me.
MADAME RAQUIN
You will have dinner with us first
each night as I am thrilled to have
a painting of my boy.
LAURENT
Oh, Madame, you are too kind.
MADAME RAQUIN
This is very special, and you are
the one being too kind.
LAURENT
Then, all of you can judge my work
for yourselves.

MICHAUD
This is a sensational idea.
GRIVET
I like a man who bets on himself
and puts himself out there. Like me
in dominoes.
Everyone laughs at Grivet as Thérèse just rolls her eyes.
MADAME RAQUIN
Thérèse, what do you think of this
idea?
21.

THÈRÈSE
I would love to see the artist at
work.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the café kitchen, Thérèse is distracted by Laurent's phone displaying nude paintings while pouring milk for her cat. She expresses a desire for a similar phone, revealing her interest in Laurent. Called back to work by her mother, Madame Raquin, Thérèse returns to the café where Laurent proposes to paint a portrait of Camille, exciting the patrons, especially Madame Raquin. The scene captures the budding romance between Thérèse and Laurent, alongside the dynamics of the café's lively atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Intriguing proposal for portrait painting
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the characters, their relationships, and sets up potential conflicts and developments. The dialogue is engaging, and the interactions feel authentic.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an artist proposing to paint a portrait of one of the characters adds depth and intrigue to the scene, setting up future developments and conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the interactions between characters, the proposal for the portrait painting, and the dynamics within the group. It sets up potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the intersection of domestic life and artistic pursuits, with characters navigating both mundane tasks and creative aspirations. The dialogue and character interactions feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions feel authentic and set the stage for future developments.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions set the stage for potential developments and growth in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal in this scene is to find a connection to her own desires and fantasies through the art and romance depicted in Laurent's phone. This reflects her deeper need for excitement and passion in her life, contrasting with the mundane tasks she is engaged in.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to fulfill her mother's request for milk and to navigate the social dynamics at the table. She also shows interest in Laurent's artistic endeavors, hinting at a potential external goal of exploring her own artistic side.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are hints of potential conflicts, the scene is more focused on establishing relationships and dynamics. The conflict is subtle but present.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from the characters' desires and social dynamics. Thérèse's internal conflicts and external pressures add depth to the narrative, creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships. However, the proposal for the portrait painting adds a layer of intrigue.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing relationships, setting up potential conflicts, and introducing new elements that will impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements like nude paintings on Laurent's phone and the proposal to paint a portrait of Camille. These surprises add depth and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between mundane domestic duties and artistic aspirations. Thérèse's fascination with Laurent's phone and the idea of painting a portrait challenge the traditional roles and expectations placed on her.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from discontent and affection to excitement and intrigue. The interactions between characters add emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, revealing character traits and setting up potential conflicts. It flows naturally and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it blends everyday tasks with intriguing artistic elements, creating a sense of tension and curiosity. The characters' interactions and dialogue keep the audience invested in their desires and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions that maintain a steady rhythm. The scene moves smoothly between moments of tension and reflection, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well integrated into the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that balances dialogue, action, and character interactions effectively. It sets up conflicts and goals for the characters while maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Thérèse's fascination with Laurent's art and her longing for a more exciting life, contrasting her mundane existence with the allure of the nude paintings. This is an important character insight that sets the stage for her developing feelings for Laurent.
  • The juxtaposition of Thérèse's interaction with her cat and her desire for Laurent's phone creates a visual metaphor for her yearning for connection and passion, which is well done. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by showing more of her internal conflict about her feelings for Laurent versus her loyalty to Camille.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, but Thérèse's monotone response to Madame Raquin could be more expressive to convey her frustration. This would enhance the emotional depth of her character and illustrate her growing discontent with her life.
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the kitchen to the café, maintaining continuity. However, the introduction of the domino players feels a bit abrupt. A brief moment of Thérèse overhearing their laughter or banter could enhance the sense of community and contrast with her isolation.
  • The dynamic between Thérèse and Laurent is subtly developing, but the moment when Laurent touches her hand could be more charged. Adding a brief pause or a shared look could intensify the chemistry between them, making the moment more significant.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or visual cue to express Thérèse's feelings as she looks at the phone, enhancing the emotional weight of her desire for a different life.
  • Include more sensory details in the kitchen scene, such as the smell of milk or the warmth of the café, to create a richer atmosphere and immerse the audience in the setting.
  • When Thérèse returns to the table, have her react more visibly to the conversation about the portrait. This could include a moment of jealousy or longing as she observes Laurent's charm with others.
  • Enhance the interaction between Thérèse and Laurent by incorporating a moment of playful banter or flirtation that hints at their growing connection, making the scene feel more dynamic.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more ambiguous or unresolved feeling regarding Thérèse's emotions about Laurent and Camille, leaving the audience eager to see how her internal conflict unfolds.



Scene 9 -  Ambitions in the Shadows
15 INT. DIVE BAR - LATER - NIGHT
Laurent sits at a dark bar with the only light coming from a
neon beer sign illuminating the Montreal Canadiens hockey
schedule. VIDAL, male mid-30s, a guy whose hair is always
messy but still looks good, sits with him.
VIDAL
So you think you have a pigeon to
support your artistic habit?
LAURENT
Maybe a whole pigeon coop.
VIDAL
You can quit your boring day job
then and concentrate on your
paintings.
LAURENT
I need to get an exhibit as you
did; now you are in demand.
VIDAL
But I am talented.
Laurent butts Vidal's shoulder with his.
LAURENT
My paintings are better than yours
any day.
VIDAL
But I have the patron of the arts,
Mrs. Richardson supporting me.
LAURENT
Are you still having sex with that
old biddy?
VIDAL
I do what is necessary for my
craft.
Laurent laughs and then gets serious.
LAURENT
My friend's wife is breathtaking. I
can't get her out of my mind.
22.

VIDAL
Careful, don't think with the wrong
head.
LAURENT
He is such a feeble, whiny, guy and
she is a natural beauty. I don't
know why she is married to this
loser.
VIDAL
It could be the money.
LAURENT
Maybe, but I should be painting her
sultry nude body instead of his
sickly face.
VIDAL
You are going to blow this, I can
tell.
LAURENT
Her aloofness is very sensual to
me.
VIDAL
Sensual? She probably has a social
phobia.
LAURENT
Her husband is a Momma's boy.
VIDAL
Well the Momma's boy is holding on
to his mother's apron strings
because it is connected to the
money.
LAURENT
Don't be a kill joy. I will be with
them every night for the next two
weeks, and she will be my target.
Vidal pushes Laurent's forehead with the palm of his hand.
VIDAL
Work the mother. She is the money.
LAURENT
But the daughter is to die for.
23.

VIDAL
Bartender, two more beers, as we
need to drink to the financial
suicide of my friend.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a dim dive bar, Laurent shares his artistic dreams and infatuation with a friend's wife with his cautious friend Vidal. Their conversation blends humor and tension as Vidal warns Laurent about the potential consequences of his obsession, while Laurent remains determined to pursue his desires. The scene captures the gritty atmosphere of their lives, ending with a humorous toast to Laurent's reckless ambitions.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Exploration of themes of temptation and betrayal
Weaknesses
  • Potentially problematic portrayal of relationships and infidelity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up tension and conflict through the dialogue and character dynamics, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of temptation and betrayal is well-developed and drives the scene forward, creating a sense of anticipation and intrigue.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Laurent reveals his intentions towards his friend's wife, setting up potential conflicts and consequences for future scenes.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on themes of art, ambition, and desire, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Laurent and Vidal are well-defined and their interactions reveal their personalities, desires, and flaws, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the interactions between Laurent and Vidal hint at potential shifts in their motivations and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Laurent's internal goal is to pursue his artistic passion and gain recognition for his work. His desire for an exhibit and envy of Vidal's success reflect his deeper need for validation and artistic fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

Laurent's external goal is to pursue a romantic interest in his friend's wife. This goal reflects his immediate desire for passion and excitement in his life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Laurent's desire for his friend's wife and Vidal's warnings creates tension and sets up potential consequences for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, hidden agendas, and shifting power dynamics that create tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of betrayal, temptation, and potential consequences for the characters add tension and intrigue to the scene, raising the emotional stakes for the audience.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up conflicts and tensions that will likely have repercussions in future scenes, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' conflicting desires, unexpected revelations, and shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on art, relationships, and personal ambition. Laurent's desire for artistic success clashes with Vidal's more pragmatic approach to his craft.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from desire and envy to tension and anticipation, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and revealing, capturing the conflicting emotions and motivations of the characters while driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, character dynamics, and thematic depth, drawing the audience into the characters' world and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character motivations, and advancing the plot, creating a dynamic and engaging narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and thematic development, fitting the expected format for a character-driven drama.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Laurent and Vidal is engaging and provides insight into Laurent's artistic aspirations and his infatuation with Thérèse. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext to deepen the characters' motivations. For example, while Laurent expresses his desire for Thérèse, it feels somewhat superficial. Adding layers to his obsession could enhance the tension and conflict within the scene.
  • Vidal's character serves as a foil to Laurent, but his role could be strengthened. His warnings about Laurent's fixation on Thérèse come off as somewhat generic. Providing Vidal with a more distinct point of view or personal stakes in the situation could make their interaction more dynamic and meaningful.
  • The setting of a dive bar is fitting for the tone of the conversation, but the description lacks sensory details that could immerse the audience in the environment. Adding elements like the sounds of the bar, the smell of beer, or the atmosphere could enrich the scene and make it more vivid.
  • The humor in the dialogue is effective, particularly in the banter about Vidal's patron. However, the transition from lightheartedness to seriousness regarding Laurent's obsession feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged.
  • The last line about drinking to Laurent's financial suicide is humorous but also somewhat dismissive of the serious implications of Laurent's fixation on Thérèse. This could undermine the gravity of the situation. Finding a balance between humor and seriousness would enhance the scene's impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Laurent's dialogue to reveal deeper motivations behind his obsession with Thérèse, perhaps exploring his insecurities or fears about his artistic future.
  • Develop Vidal's character further by giving him a personal stake in the conversation, such as a past experience with a similar situation or his own artistic struggles, which could create a more engaging dynamic.
  • Incorporate sensory details into the setting description to create a more immersive atmosphere, allowing the audience to feel the environment of the dive bar.
  • Smooth out the transition between humor and seriousness in the dialogue, perhaps by inserting a moment of reflection for Laurent that acknowledges the weight of his feelings before returning to humor.
  • Rework the final line to maintain the humor while also acknowledging the seriousness of Laurent's situation, perhaps by having Vidal express genuine concern for Laurent's fixation.



Scene 10 -  Tension in the Café
16 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - NEXT DAY
Thérèse rinses out cooking pans in the kitchen sink. She puts
the last pan on the drying rack and stares at the water
running in a daze. Her phone rings, and it takes the fourth
ring to snap her out of her daze.
Thérèse looks at her old flip phone, and the screen says
AFTERNOON HOUR BREAK. She turns off the phone and then the
running water. She dries her hands and walks out of the
kitchen.

17 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Madame Raquin sits in a chair behind the pastry counter with
a magazine in her hand. Thérèse slowly walks in from the
kitchen and walks past Madame to the stairs.
MADAME RAQUIN
Take a nap, Thérèse, as Laurent is
coming for dinner tonight as he
will start on Camille's portrait.
Thérèse shuffles her feet with her head down as she starts up
the stairs. She gives Madame an OK sign with her hand without
looking at her as she keeps her head down.

18 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER - DAY
Thérèse lays on her stomach on her bed with her cat,
Francios. She reads a Chloe Esclair romantic novel while she
pets and talks to her cat.
THÈRÈSE
This is my favorite part of the
day. No Camille, No Madame, No
Kitchen. Just me, you, and Chloe
Esclair's world.
Thérèse rolls over on her back and holds the book above her
face with both hands as she reads out loud.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Pierre takes his shirt off slowly
and reveals a solid six-pack.
(MORE)
24.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
I hope you don't mind, but I can
paint better with it off.
Thérèse turns a page and continues reading.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Louise takes his shirt and buries
her face in it to take in Pierre's
manly aroma of earth, spice, and
pine.
Thérèse clutches the book to her chest and closes her eyes.

19 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - LATER - DAY
Madame Raquin looks up from her chair at Thérèse as she walks
slowly down the stairs.
MADAME RAQUIN
I thought your afternoon break
would never end.
Thérèse looks at Madame and gives a wry smile as she mumbles
under her breath.
THÈRÈSE
Your indentured servant is always
at your bidding.
MADAME RAQUIN
What was that, dear?
THÈRÈSE
I am happy to relieve you of your
duties.
MADAME RAQUIN
Thank you, as I have to start a
special dinner for Camille and
Laurent tonight.
Thérèse puts her hand on Madame's shoulder and responds in a
sarcastic tone.
THÈRÈSE
Yes, the painting of the Mona
Camille.
Madame Raquin laughs at her pun, pats her hand, and starts
toward the stairs to go upstairs to their residence.
25.

THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
After I lock up down here, I will
be up to help you.
MADAME RAQUIN
Thank you, you are an angel.
Thérèse nods her head and drops it down as she mumbles to
herself.
THÈRÈSE
Yeah, I'm a real âme damnée, the
tool of another person.

20 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT SITTING ROOM - LATER - DAY
Camille sits on a chair next to the window, as Thérèse sits
on a wing chair on the opposite wall from him. Laurent sets
up his easel and puts a canvas on it between the two of them.
Madame Raquin stands at the doorway to the room.
LAURENT
We need to work on the painting
before dinner as I need the natural
light from outside.
MADAME RAQUIN
That is not a problem, as I will
leave you to your work and have
dinner ready when you finish.
THÈRÈSE
I will be down in a little bit, as
I want to see the art being
composed.
LAURENT
Yes, please stay, Thérèse, as I
want you to see your Camille
recreated on canvas for
immortality.
MADAME RAQUIN
Stay, stay, Thérèse, as I have it
all under control.
Madame leaves the room and closes the door behind her.
CAMILLE
Is this how I should sit?
26.

LAURENT
Slightly turn your head toward the
window.
Camille turns his head slightly.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
That's it. The natural light makes
all the difference.
CAMILLE
You will make me look distinguished
won't you?
Thérèse takes her Chloe Esclair paperback out and covers her
face as she rolls her eyes at Camille.
LAURENT
Yes, I will capture your piercing
eyes and it will mesmerize everyone
who looks at it.
Laurent takes off his sport jacket and turns to look for a
place to lay it, when Thérèse gets up and takes it from him
and puts it on the back of her chair. Laurent then starts to
unbutton his shirt.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
Thank you, Thérèse. I hope you
don't mind, but I can paint better
with it off.
Thérèse lowers her head bashfully and stutters her response.
THÈRÈSE
No, no, not, not at all. Make
yourself comfortable.
CAMILLE
You are in charge, Laurent,
whatever you need is done.
Laurent removes his shirt to reveal a muscular torso in a
sleeveless white undershirt. He gives the shirt to Thérèse
who takes it while diverting her eyes from him.
LAURENT
OK, let's get started.
Thérèse grabs the shirt, turns her back to Laurent and buries
her face into the shirt and inhales his body's aroma.
27.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the café kitchen, Thérèse is lost in thought until interrupted by a phone call. After a brief exchange with Madame Raquin, who suggests she rest before dinner with Laurent, Thérèse retreats to her bedroom, longing for escape while reading a romantic novel. Upon returning to the café, she engages in sarcastic banter with Madame Raquin and is drawn to Laurent as he paints Camille's portrait. The tension escalates as Thérèse reacts to Laurent's shirtless state, culminating in a moment where she buries her face in his shirt, revealing her deepening feelings for him.
Strengths
  • Subtle character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the emotional tension and dynamics between the characters, with a mix of melancholy, sarcasm, and intimacy. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging and hint at deeper conflicts and desires.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a portrait painting session serves as a catalyst for exploring the characters' relationships and inner conflicts. It sets the stage for future developments and reveals subtle nuances in their interactions.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the preparations for the portrait painting session, showcasing the characters' emotions and desires. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on traditional power dynamics and societal constraints, offering a unique perspective on the protagonist's struggles and desires. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Thérèse's internal conflict and growing attraction to Laurent being particularly compelling. Camille's obliviousness adds a layer of tension to the scene, while Laurent's charm and artistic ambitions create intrigue.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse experiences a subtle shift in her feelings towards Laurent, hinting at potential character growth and development. Camille remains oblivious to the underlying tensions, setting the stage for future changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to find moments of escape and freedom from her oppressive surroundings. She seeks solace in her personal time with her cat and romantic novels, longing for a life outside of her current circumstances.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to navigate her relationships with Madame Raquin, Camille, and Laurent while maintaining a facade of compliance and obedience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Thérèse's inner turmoil and growing attraction to Laurent. There are hints of potential conflicts to come, especially in the dynamics between the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with subtle power dynamics and conflicting desires driving the character interactions. The audience is left unsure of how the relationships will unfold, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional stakes for Thérèse are significant as she grapples with her growing attraction to Laurent and the potential consequences for her marriage and family.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the dynamics between the characters and hinting at future conflicts and developments. It establishes key relationships and emotions that will drive the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the subtle shifts in power dynamics and the protagonist's internal conflict. The audience is kept on their toes as they navigate the complex relationships and motivations of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The scene presents a conflict between Thérèse's inner desires for freedom and self-expression and the societal expectations that bind her to her role as a servant and caretaker. This challenges her beliefs about her own agency and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a bittersweet and yearning sentiment, with Thérèse's internal conflict and growing attraction to Laurent creating emotional depth. The interactions between the characters are poignant and intimate.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, filled with subtext, and reveals the characters' emotions and desires effectively. It adds depth to the scene and hints at future conflicts and developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character dynamics, subtle humor, and underlying tension. The interactions between characters and the protagonist's internal struggles draw the audience in and create a sense of intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and introspection. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character interactions and dialogue, effectively building tension and conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively showcases Thérèse's internal conflict and desire for escape from her mundane life, using her interactions with her cat and the romantic novel as a means of expressing her longing. However, the dialogue could be enhanced to better reflect her emotional turmoil and growing attraction to Laurent, making her sarcasm feel more layered.
  • The humor present in Thérèse's interactions with Madame Raquin is a nice touch, but it sometimes feels forced. The use of sarcasm could be more subtle, allowing for a more natural flow of conversation that reflects her frustration without overtly stating it. This would create a more nuanced portrayal of her character.
  • The transition between the kitchen and the sitting room could be smoother. As Thérèse moves from one space to another, the emotional weight of her thoughts should carry through, creating a stronger connection between her domestic duties and her personal desires.
  • Laurent's introduction in this scene is somewhat lacking in tension. Since Thérèse has been daydreaming about him, her reaction to his presence could be more pronounced, reflecting her internal struggle between duty and desire. This would enhance the stakes of their interaction.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly in the moments where Thérèse is reading the novel. While it serves to illustrate her escape, it could be integrated more seamlessly with the dialogue and actions, perhaps by interspersing her thoughts or feelings about Laurent during her reading.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or thoughts from Thérèse during her kitchen scene to deepen the reader's understanding of her emotional state and desires.
  • Refine the dialogue between Thérèse and Madame Raquin to be more subtle, allowing for a natural rhythm that reflects their relationship dynamics without overt sarcasm.
  • Enhance the transition between the kitchen and the sitting room by including a moment of reflection for Thérèse, allowing her internal conflict to resonate more as she moves into a space where Laurent will be present.
  • Introduce Laurent with a more palpable tension in Thérèse's reaction to him. Show her internal struggle through her body language or thoughts as he prepares to paint Camille, heightening the emotional stakes.
  • Streamline the pacing by integrating Thérèse's reading more closely with her interactions with others. For instance, her thoughts on the characters in the novel could parallel her feelings toward Laurent, creating a richer thematic connection.



Scene 11 -  Tradition Meets Modernity
21 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT DINING ROOM - LATER - NIGHT
Madame, Camille, Thérèse, and Laurent sit at the table with
cups of coffee and a scattering of empty dishes after they
ate dinner.
LAURENT
This dinner is a unique treat for a
batchelor like me.
MADAME RAQUIN
You will eat with us every night
that you are working on the
portrait of my Camille.
LAURENT
I will have to watch my weight.
Speaking of which, why aren't you
heavier Camille?
MADAME RAQUIN
He has been sickly since birth and
he can't eat much at all.
CAMILLE
Oh, Mother, don't bore Laurent with
my past.
Thérèse doesn't say a word and removes some of the dishes
from the table.
MADAME RAQUIN
I have plenty of time to cook as
business in the cafe is very slow.
LAURENT
Madame, you need to offer Wifi for
your customers.
MADAME RAQUIN
What's wifi?
LAURENT
It will allow your customers to use
the internet on their laptops and
phones.
CAMILLE
Mother doesn't approve of the
internet.
LAURENT
It is the way we do business now.
28.

MADAME RAQUIN
None of that nonsense in my cafe or
house.
CAMILLE
We don't and never had, even a
television in our house.
LAURENT
I did notice that, but Madame this
is the 21st century.
CAMILLE
She only allows Thérèse and me the
basic flip phones on limited data
for emergencies.
Laurent reaches out to put his hand on top of Madame Raquin's
hand.
LAURENT
Madame, you have to compete against
Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, and even
the Circle K convenience store for
your customers.
MADAME RAQUIN
You can't compare our pastries with
their commercial junk.
LAURENT
Of course not, but you have to
entice people to taste them and sit
in your cafe.
CAMILLE
You are wasting your time, my
friend. Work is my refuge into
modern times.
Thérèse bobs her head back and forth, rolling her eyes, out
of anyone's sight, behind Camille as she continues to clean
off the table.
LAURENT
Madame, let me put together at
least a Facebook page for your
cafe. It is purely for
advertisement.
MADAME RAQUIN
Facebook? I don't want my life
spread about.
29.

LAURENT
My painting website is helping my
career grow as I am getting
donations. You don't need donations
just customers.
MADAME RAQUIN
I don't know.
LAURENT
Do you trust me?
MADAME RAQUIN
Yes, I trust you like my own son.
LAURENT
Then let me work on it for you.
MADAME RAQUIN
OK, but nothing crazy.
LAURENT
You will have a line around the
block to enter your cafe.
CAMILLE
I don't believe it. Laurent, you
have the magic touch.
Laurent clasps Madame's hand, then let's go of it. His hand
slightly touches Thérèse's hand by accident, and he grabs it
and looks at her. She looks at Laurent but pulls her hand
away and turns her head as soon as their eyes met.
LAURENT
I look forward to assisting you all
into the modern world.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In the Raquin apartment dining room, Madame Raquin, Camille, Thérèse, and Laurent engage in a post-dinner discussion about modernizing their café. Laurent advocates for introducing Wi-Fi and social media, but Madame Raquin initially resists, valuing traditional practices. Eventually, she concedes to allow Laurent to create a Facebook page, highlighting the generational conflict. A moment of tension arises when Laurent accidentally touches Thérèse's hand, leading to an awkward interaction. The scene blends light-heartedness with underlying tension, setting the stage for future changes.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Exploration of themes
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces conflict and potential for character development through the discussion of modernizing the cafe, while maintaining a light-hearted and engaging tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of modernizing a traditional cafe setting is engaging and offers opportunities for character growth and conflict.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the introduction of modern technology and ideas into a traditional setting, setting the stage for potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the clash between tradition and modernity, with well-developed characters and authentic dialogue that adds originality to the familiar theme.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters show resistance to change but also potential for growth, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There are subtle hints at potential character changes, particularly in Madame Raquin's willingness to consider modernization.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her distance and emotional detachment from Laurent, as seen in her non-verbal actions and avoidance of eye contact.

External Goal: 7

Laurent's external goal is to convince Madame Raquin to embrace modern technology and marketing strategies for her cafe.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict between traditional values and modern ideas is subtly introduced, hinting at future tensions and resolutions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, especially in Madame Raquin's resistance to change.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are moderate, with the potential for the cafe's success or failure depending on the characters' decisions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and potential resolutions, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters and the clash of values.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional values and modern advancements, as represented by Madame Raquin's resistance to change and Laurent's push for innovation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate, with hints of nostalgia and resistance adding depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the clash of values and ideas between characters, setting up conflicts and potential resolutions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue, subtle character dynamics, and the conflict between tradition and modernity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and developing the conflict between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven scene, with clear character interactions and progression of conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between the characters, particularly the tension between modernity and tradition through Laurent's suggestions and Madame Raquin's resistance. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, especially when discussing Wi-Fi and Facebook. This could be streamlined to sound more natural and less like a lecture.
  • Thérèse's silence throughout the scene is notable, but it could be enhanced by incorporating subtle physical actions or expressions that reflect her internal conflict and emotions regarding Laurent and her life situation. This would add depth to her character and make her presence more impactful.
  • The comedic elements, particularly the banter about Camille's weight and the generational gap regarding technology, are a good touch. However, the humor could be elevated by incorporating more witty exchanges or reactions that highlight the absurdity of the situation, especially with Madame Raquin's strictness.
  • The moment when Laurent accidentally touches Thérèse's hand is pivotal, but the build-up to this moment lacks tension. Adding more flirtatious or charged dialogue leading up to this accident could heighten the stakes and make the moment feel more significant.
  • The scene concludes with a somewhat abrupt transition from a light-hearted discussion to a moment of intimacy between Laurent and Thérèse. A smoother transition or a lingering moment of tension could enhance the emotional weight of the scene, leaving the audience wanting more.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it feel more organic and less expository. Characters should reveal information about themselves and the world through their interactions rather than direct explanations.
  • Add more non-verbal cues from Thérèse to express her feelings, such as fidgeting, glancing at Laurent, or subtle reactions to the conversation around her. This will make her character more dynamic and relatable.
  • Incorporate more humor into the dialogue to balance the tension, perhaps through clever retorts from Thérèse or amusing misunderstandings between the characters about modern technology.
  • Build up the moment of accidental hand touching with more flirtatious banter or eye contact between Laurent and Thérèse to create a more charged atmosphere before the touch.
  • Enhance the emotional transition at the end of the scene by allowing Laurent and Thérèse to share a lingering look or a moment of hesitation, amplifying the tension and anticipation for their developing relationship.



Scene 12 -  Obsession and Discontent
22 INT. DIVE BAR - LATER - NIGHT
Laurent and Vidal stand at the dimly lit bar as they drink
beers.
LAURENT
The entire family is from the 1950s
as they are so out of touch with
today's world.
VIDAL
At least you are getting free meals
out of it.
30.

LAURENT
Madame trusts me like a son now.
VIDAL
Perfect, work the money like I told
you.
LAURENT
But I can't take Camille's wife out
of my mind.
VIDAL
Forget her, she's married. I can
hook you up with Jeannie my newest
model.
LAURENT
But her husband is this sickly
feeble whiny man that can't be
pleasing her.
VIDAL
This obsession with this Thérèse
will be your downfall.
LAURENT
I have to get her.
VIDAL
So you are going to blow this
opportunity too.
LAURENT
I will get her.
VIDAL
Bartender, two more beers for my
loser of a friend.

23 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Camille lies in his bed asleep with a CPAP mask on his face,
connected to a machine with a hose. Thérèse sits up in bed
with a small reading light on, as she reads her Chloe Esclair
paperback with Francois, the cat, on her lap.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
She looks at her lover's grin as he
lies asleep on the bed.
Thérèse looks over at Camille sleeping with the CPAP mask on
drool coming out of his mouth.
31.

She closes her eyes and squints her eyes as she shakes her
head in disgust. Thérèse reads more from the book to herself.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
His muscular arms and sexy legs
escape from under the sheets.
Thérèse holds her head as she looks over at Camille, as his
frail arm that never lifted anything hangs limp like a noodle
off the side of the bed, and his chicken bone of a leg peaks
out of the sheets. She then whispers to her cat.
THÈRÈSE
Francois, this is not the lover in
Chloe Esclair's books. I ache to be
in her world.

24 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - NEXT MORNING - DAY
Thérèse bakes in the kitchen of the cafe. Camille walks down
the stairs from the residence to go to work. Madame Raquin
walks over to give Camille a send off. She fixes the collar
of his shirt and the lapels of his sports jacket.
MADAME RAQUIN
You should wear your sweater vest
so you don't catch a cold.
CAMILLE
Mother, it's summer.
MADAME RAQUIN
They keep that place much too cold
with their air conditioning.
CAMILLE
Mother.
MADAME RAQUIN
You get a summer cold every year
and it takes me forever to nurse it
out of you. Take precautions.
CAMILLE
I will be fine.
Madame kisses both cheeks of Camille's face.
MADAME RAQUIN
Be careful my sweet. Say hello to
Laurent and tell him we are having
chicken cordon bleu tonight.
32.

CAMILLE
Yes, yes, Mother, I will.
MADAME RAQUIN
Thérèse, Camille is leaving for
work. Say good-bye.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
Good-Bye.
Madame shakes her head and waves her hand at the kitchen
toward Thérèse's voice, and kisses Camille again.
MADAME RAQUIN
Keep away from the drafts.
Camille goes out the front door to work, as Thérèse comes out
of the kitchen with a tray of croissants.
MADAME RAQUIN (CONT'D)
You could've of given your husband
a kiss goodbye.
THÈRÈSE
The croissants needed me more.
Madame shakes her head as she walks toward Thérèse.
MADAME RAQUIN
The days seem to go quicker with
Laurent visiting us every day to
paint Camille's portrait and eat
dinner with us.
THÈRÈSE
They certainly do.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a dim dive bar, Laurent confides in Vidal about his obsession with Thérèse, Camille's wife, while Vidal urges him to seek other opportunities. Meanwhile, Thérèse grapples with her dissatisfaction in her marriage to the frail Camille, longing for the passionate life depicted in her books. The scene shifts to the Raquin apartment, where Madame Raquin fusses over Camille, highlighting her overprotectiveness and Thérèse's indifference. The tension between Laurent's fixation and Thérèse's discontent creates an emotional backdrop of longing and frustration.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimate tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the internal conflicts and desires of the characters while maintaining a sense of melancholy and intimacy. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, drawing the audience into the emotional landscape of the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the contrast between Thérèse's inner world and the external dynamics of the Raquin family is compelling. It sets the stage for character development and thematic exploration.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through character interactions and subtle revelations about their desires and relationships. It sets up potential conflicts and tensions that can drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces complex relationships and moral dilemmas, offering a fresh take on themes of desire and betrayal. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own desires, conflicts, and relationships. Thérèse's internal struggles and longing for escape are particularly compelling, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse experiences a shift in her internal desires and motivations, hinting at potential character growth and development. The scene sets the stage for future changes and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Laurent's internal goal is to pursue his obsession with Thérèse, despite external obstacles. This reflects his deeper need for validation and desire for forbidden love.

External Goal: 7

Laurent's external goal is to follow Vidal's advice and focus on monetary gain. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal desires with practical considerations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are subtle conflicts and tensions present, the scene focuses more on internal struggles and desires rather than external conflicts. This adds depth to the character dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the characters to overcome. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and internal struggles of the characters add depth and complexity to the story. The potential for conflicts and resolutions raises the stakes for future developments.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key character dynamics, desires, and conflicts. It sets up potential plot developments and tensions that can drive the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' shifting motivations and hidden agendas. The audience is left unsure of how the conflicts will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the morality of pursuing forbidden love and material gain. Laurent's obsession with Thérèse challenges traditional values and societal norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through Thérèse's inner turmoil and longing for something more. The melancholic tone enhances the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions. It effectively conveys the underlying tensions and desires within the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of tension, emotional depth, and moral ambiguity. The characters' conflicting desires and actions keep the audience invested in their fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of introspection and character development to shine through.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character-driven drama, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue sequences.


Critique
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the bar to the Raquin apartment, creating a juxtaposition between Laurent's ambitions and Thérèse's discontent with her life. However, the dialogue in the bar lacks depth and feels somewhat repetitive regarding Laurent's obsession with Thérèse. It could benefit from more unique expressions of his feelings or motivations.
  • The use of voiceover for Thérèse as she reflects on her reading provides insight into her character but can feel a bit too on-the-nose. Instead of directly stating her feelings about Camille, consider showing her emotions through her actions or a subtle interaction with her environment.
  • The depiction of Camille's physical state is effective in illustrating Thérèse's dissatisfaction, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details or metaphors that evoke her feelings. This would deepen the audience's understanding of her internal struggle.
  • The dialogue between Madame Raquin and Camille in the morning scene effectively portrays their relationship dynamics, but it leans heavily on exposition. The scene could benefit from more subtext or conflict to make it more engaging, as it currently feels more like a checklist of their interactions.
  • Thérèse's line about the croissants needing her more than a goodbye kiss feels slightly forced and could come off as dismissive rather than playful. This could be rephrased to better capture her internal conflict and the growing tension between her duties and desires.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Laurent's dialogue in the bar to include more nuanced expressions of his obsession with Thérèse, perhaps by exploring his fears or insecurities about pursuing her.
  • Instead of using voiceover for Thérèse, explore visual storytelling techniques that show her emotions through her actions, such as her body language or interactions with her cat, to convey her feelings more subtly.
  • Enhance the descriptions of Camille's physical state by using more evocative language that connects Thérèse's feelings to her observations, potentially using metaphors related to her reading material.
  • Introduce a moment of conflict or tension in the morning scene between Madame Raquin and Camille that hints at deeper issues in their relationship, making the dialogue feel more dynamic and less expository.
  • Revise Thérèse's sarcastic remark about the croissants to reflect her inner turmoil more clearly, perhaps by expressing a longing for freedom or a desire for connection, making her character's struggle more relatable.



Scene 13 -  A Moment of Longing
25 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT SITTING ROOM - SIX DAYS LATER - DAY
Camille poses for his portrait in the chair by the window.
Laurent, in his undershirt, paints at the easel while Thérèse
sits behind Laurent curled up in the wing chair as she reads
her Chloe Esclair paperback.
CAMILLE
Remember today is Thursday, so we
have less time as it is dominoes
night.
Thérèse gives the whoopee sign with her one finger as she
continues to read.
33.

LAURENT
No one can see the portrait tonight
as I do not reveal my work until it
is completed.
CAMILLE
But Thérèse has seen every stroke
you made on the canvas.
LAURENT
She is my assistant on this
project.
Thérèse nods her head with a grin in approval.
CAMILLE
How do I look, Thérèse?
THÈRÈSE
I can honestly say you never looked
better.
CAMILLE
Excellent!
Laurent looks back at Thérèse and smiles, which causes
Thérèse to hide her smile and eyes behind her paperback.
START THERESE'S DAYDREAM
Laurent then starts to fidget his shoulders up and down. He
reaches with one hand over his shoulder as he tries to
scratch his back.
LAURENT
Thérèse, can you scratch my back as
I have a terrible itch that I can't
reach.
THÈRÈSE
What? Me? Scratch?
CAMILLE
Just get off your ass and scratch
his back so he can continue
painting.
Thérèse shoots daggers with a look toward Camille and slowly
moves to Laurent. As she gets to Laurent, a woman appears
like a ghost; CHLOE ESCLAIR, female mid-30s, looks like Daisy
Buchanon from The Great Gatsby.
34.

CHLOE ESCLAIR (V.O.)
It's me, Thérèse. Chloe Esclair
author of the novels you read.
Thérèse puts her hand on her chest and gasps silently.
THÈRÈSE
It's Chloe!
CHLOE ESCLAIR (V.O.)
I will guide you in all areas of
l'amour.
LAURENT
Please, sweet Thérèse, as it is
driving me batty.
Thérèse softly touches Laurent's neck and looks toward Chloe
Esclair for instructions.
CHLOE ESCLAIR
Touch softly from the nape of the
neck and dig your nails softly down
his spine, until he arches his head
back.
Thérèse runs her nails down his spine and Laurent's head
arches back.
CHLOE ESCLAIR (CONT'D)
Stop there as that is the spot.
Start softly but scratch that spot
harder and harder until his arms
drop to his sides.
Thérèse scratches the middle of his back, and Laurent's both
arms go limp to his side.
CHLOE ESCLAIR (CONT'D)
Now you have him in the palm of
your hand.
Laurent turns and puts his hand on Thérèse's cheek as she
gazes into his eyes.
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Thérèse, can you help me with
dinner as it will be ready in five
minutes.
CAMILLE (V.O.)
Thérèse, don't you hear Mother?
Thérèse moves her head back and forth in a confused state.
35.

END OF THERESE'S DAYDREAM
Thérèse drops the book from her face, and her head jolts
forward. She shakes her head side to side quickly as she
shakes off the cobwebs.
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Thérèse?
THÈRÈSE
Coming Mother.
CAMILLE
Hurry, Thérèse. You need to get off
your butt and help Mother.
Thérèse gives Camille the finger out of anyone's sight behind
her paperback. Madame Raquin calls Thérèse again from the
kitchen.
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Thérèse, please come quickly.
LAURENT
The voice of an angel.
Thérèse gets up, talks under her breath.
THÈRÈSE
You mean the devil.
Laurent turns and looks at Thérèse.
LAURENT
Did you say something?
THÈRÈSE
I will see you two at the dinner
table.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the Raquin apartment, Camille poses for his portrait while Laurent paints and flirts with Thérèse, who is caught between her daydreams of intimacy with Laurent and her responsibilities to her mother. As Camille reminisces about a dominoes night, Thérèse imagines Chloe Esclair guiding her in a moment of closeness with Laurent. However, her reverie is interrupted by Madame Raquin's call, forcing Thérèse to leave the unresolved tension with Laurent behind.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Effective dialogue
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Slight lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the complex dynamics between the characters, introduces a touch of surrealism, and sets the stage for potential conflicts and developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a portrait session to explore the relationships between the characters is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters interact during the portrait session, setting up potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the appearance of Chloe Esclair and Thérèse's daydream sequence, adding a unique twist to the traditional artist muse trope. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Thérèse's conflicted feelings, Laurent's charm, and Camille's innocence shining through.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse experiences internal conflict and potential growth as she navigates her feelings for Laurent.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to navigate her feelings for Laurent while concealing them from Camille and Madame Raquin. She desires a deeper connection with Laurent but must maintain appearances in front of her family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to assist Laurent in painting the portrait and maintain a facade of normalcy in front of her family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict, mainly in Thérèse's internal struggles and the potential romantic tension between her and Laurent.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Thérèse facing internal and external conflicts that challenge her desires and obligations.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the potential romantic tension and Thérèse's internal struggles add depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between the characters and setting up potential conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the introduction of Chloe Esclair and the dream sequence, adding a surreal and unexpected twist to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of desire, duty, and deception. Thérèse must balance her personal desires with societal expectations and familial obligations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to affection to resentment, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, playfulness, and underlying emotions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, tension, and emotional depth. The characters' dynamics and the dreamlike elements keep the audience intrigued and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment with Thérèse and Laurent's interaction.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a character-driven drama, with clear character motivations and interactions driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Thérèse's desires and her obligations, using humor and daydreaming to illustrate her internal conflict. However, the daydream sequence, while imaginative, may feel disjointed to some readers. It could benefit from clearer transitions to maintain the flow of the narrative and ensure the audience understands when Thérèse is daydreaming versus reality.
  • The dialogue is witty and captures the characters' dynamics well, particularly the playful banter between Camille and Thérèse. However, Camille's character comes off as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. Adding layers to his personality, such as insecurities about his health or a deeper connection to Thérèse, could create more complexity in their interactions.
  • The introduction of Chloe Esclair as a voice for Thérèse's fantasies is intriguing, yet it risks overshadowing the grounded emotional stakes of the scene. It might be more effective to keep Chloe's guidance subtle or integrated into Thérèse's thoughts rather than as a distinct voice, which could help maintain the scene's focus on Thérèse's real-life struggles.
  • Thérèse's sarcasm and rebellious gestures, such as giving Camille the finger, are effective in showcasing her frustrations. However, these moments could be amplified by adding more physicality to her actions or expressions, allowing the audience to feel her emotional turmoil more viscerally.
  • The scene concludes with a somewhat abrupt shift back to reality, which may leave the audience wanting more closure or clarity about Thérèse's state of mind. A stronger emotional beat at the end could enhance the impact of her internal conflict and set up the next scene more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the daydream sequence by incorporating visual cues or sound design elements that signal the transition between reality and fantasy more clearly, enhancing the audience's understanding of Thérèse's mental state.
  • Deepen Camille's character by adding subtle hints of his vulnerabilities or aspirations, which could create a more nuanced dynamic between him and Thérèse and enrich the conflict in the scene.
  • Integrate Chloe Esclair's influence more seamlessly into Thérèse's thoughts rather than presenting her as a separate character. This could maintain the focus on Thérèse's emotional journey while still allowing for her romantic fantasies to be explored.
  • Enhance Thérèse's physical expressions of frustration and longing to better convey her internal struggle. Small gestures or facial expressions can add depth and make her emotions more relatable to the audience.
  • End the scene with a stronger emotional resonance by allowing Thérèse a moment of reflection or a more poignant reaction to her obligations, reinforcing her internal conflict and anticipation for the upcoming dominoes night.



Scene 14 -  Unexpected Wealth and Dominoes
26 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - LATER - NIGHT
Old Michaud, Grivet, Oliver, and Suzanne sit on one side of
the table. Laurent sits on the other side with Camille as
Madame Raquin and Thérèse hand out coffee cups and small
dishes.
CAMILLE
Let me go get the dominoes as we
forgot them upstairs.
36.

Camille gets up and leaves the table to get the dominoes.
Thérèse is in the kitchen to get the coffee. Madame Raquin
puts her hands on the back of Laurent's seat.
MADAME RAQUIN
My other son, Laurent, will be
finished next week with the
portrait.
LAURENT
I hope it comes out as good as the
build-up.
MICHAUD
We look forward to its unveiling
next Thursday.
Laurent kisses Madame's hand as she pats his shoulders. She
gives Laurent a bottle of water.
MADAME RAQUIN
Here is your water. Let me help
Thérèse in the kitchen with the
coffee and the pastries.
Madame Raquin walks away from the table into the kitchen.
LAURENT
I have been trying to get Madame to
create a social media presence to
improve her cafe's business.
OLIVER
You need not bother.
LAURENT
Why is that?
OLIVER
Madame does not need the business.
Laurent narrows his eyes at Oliver.
LAURENT
Everyone needs more income.
GRIVET
Not Madame, not at all.
MICHAUD
When her husband, my partner, died
on duty, she received an enormous
insurance payout and received the
maximum monthly police pension.
37.

OLIVER
My father also helped her invest
it, so she is worth well over a
million.
This news startles Laurent as he chokes on his water and
covers his mouth as he coughs up a little water.
MICHAUD
I am still her financial planner
and adviser.
LAURENT
Good God that is wonderful,
surprising, but it makes sense of
her lack of interest in social
media.
GRIVET
Social media? She wants the simple
Parisian style life of sipping
coffee detached from the rest of
the world.
SUZANNE
I don't think we should be talking
about their finances.
OLIVER
You are right, Suzanne.
MICHAUD
Madame is contented with her cafe,
her son and Thérèse,
GRIVET
And her domino friends.
OLIVER
Not to mention her new adopted son.
Everyone smiles at Laurent as he waves both his hands in
humble denial. Camille comes back, opens the domino box, and
dumps the dominoes on the table with a crash.
GRIVET
I love that sound.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In Thérèse Raquin's café, a group of friends enjoys coffee and dominoes. During their gathering, they discover Madame Raquin's surprising financial stability, which astonishes Laurent. The conversation shifts to her disinterest in social media, highlighting her contentment with a simple life. As the discussion about her wealth creates a slight tension, Camille returns dramatically, dumping the dominoes on the table, bringing a playful energy back to the scene.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Revealing character interactions
  • Surprising revelations
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for some patrons
  • Potential lack of emotional depth in certain interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines tension, light-hearted moments, and surprising revelations to create an engaging and dynamic atmosphere. The dialogue is well-crafted and reveals important information about the characters, adding depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the dynamics between the characters during a domino night at the café. The introduction of financial information about Madame Raquin adds a new layer to the story and sets the stage for potential conflicts and developments.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene focuses on the interactions between the characters during domino night, with a particular emphasis on Laurent, Madame Raquin, and the surprising financial revelations. The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and potential conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the clash between tradition and modernity in a traditional setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their interactions reveal important aspects of their personalities. Madame Raquin, Laurent, and the other patrons each have distinct traits that contribute to the overall dynamics of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There are subtle hints at character changes, especially in Thérèse's reactions to Laurent and Madame Raquin's financial situation. These changes set the stage for potential developments in their relationships and personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Laurent's internal goal in this scene is to impress Madame Raquin and integrate himself into the family dynamic. This reflects his desire for acceptance and belonging.

External Goal: 7

Laurent's external goal is to suggest social media marketing for the cafe, reflecting his ambition and desire to improve the business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are elements of tension and potential conflicts in the scene, the overall conflict level is moderate. The introduction of financial information about Madame Raquin adds a layer of complexity and sets the stage for future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and hidden tensions among the characters.

High Stakes: 6

While there are elements of high stakes, especially regarding Madame Raquin's financial security and potential conflicts, the overall stakes are moderate. The scene sets the stage for future developments and conflicts that could raise the stakes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new elements, potential conflicts, and character dynamics. The revelations about Madame Raquin's financial situation and the interactions between the characters set the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reveal of Madame Raquin's wealth and the characters' reactions to it.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional values and modern advancements. This challenges Laurent's beliefs about business and progress.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of tension, light-heartedness, and surprise. The revelations about Madame Raquin's financial situation add depth to her character and create intrigue for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals key information about the characters and their relationships. The mix of tension, light-hearted banter, and surprising revelations keeps the audience interested and adds depth to the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, subtle tensions, and witty dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and reveals character dynamics effectively, contributing to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, making it easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-heavy, character-driven scene in a drama genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively showcases the dynamics between the characters, particularly the contrast between Laurent's ambitions and Madame Raquin's contentment with her life. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat expository and lacks a natural flow. The characters discuss Madame Raquin's financial situation in a way that feels forced, which could be more subtly integrated into the conversation.
  • The interaction between Laurent and the other characters provides insight into his character, but it also risks making him seem overly opportunistic, especially when he expresses surprise at Madame Raquin's wealth. This could detract from his complexity as a character. The scene would benefit from more nuanced interactions that reveal his motivations without explicitly stating them.
  • The comedic moment with Camille dumping the dominoes on the table is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding dialogue. Building up to this moment with more tension or anticipation could enhance its impact. It would also be beneficial to explore how this moment of levity contrasts with the underlying tensions in the relationships, particularly between Thérèse and Laurent.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional arc or conflict. While the financial discussion is informative, it doesn't create a pressing sense of urgency or emotional stakes for the characters. Introducing a conflict or dilemma that the characters must navigate during this gathering could elevate the scene's tension and engagement.
  • Thérèse's presence in the kitchen is mentioned but not explored. Her emotional state and perspective could add depth to the scene. Integrating her reactions to the conversation happening at the table would give the audience insight into her internal conflict and desires.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating subtext into the dialogue to allow characters to reveal their motivations and feelings without directly stating them. This can create a more engaging and layered interaction.
  • Introduce a conflict or emotional stakes related to the café or the characters' relationships that can be woven into the dialogue. This could be a disagreement about the future of the café, a personal issue between characters, or Thérèse's feelings about her life.
  • Enhance Thérèse's role in the scene by giving her more lines or reactions to the conversation, allowing her internal conflict to surface. This could involve her expressing frustration or longing in subtle ways that resonate with the audience.
  • Build up the moment when Camille dumps the dominoes by creating anticipation or tension beforehand. Perhaps Laurent could have a moment of anxiety about the game, leading to a more dramatic release when the dominoes crash onto the table.
  • Consider using visual storytelling to enhance the scene. For example, show Thérèse's expressions or actions in the kitchen while the conversation unfolds at the table, creating a contrast between her internal world and the external discussions.



Scene 15 -  Whispers of Desire
27 INT./EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS - MONTAGE
Scenes 27a to 27g show the passage of time for the week
between domino games. Brief scenes as the narrator, Suzanne,
comments with voiceovers.
38.

MONTAGE STARTS

27a INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT
Thérèse reads her Chloe Esclair novel in bed as Camille
sleeps in his bed, his face covered with a CPAP mask
connected to the CPAP machine.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Thérèse and Camille slept as
cousins. Thérèse dreams through her
paperbacks.

27b INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
Laurent and his friend Duval drinking beers at the bar with
pretty women around them.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Laurent is experienced in drnking
and seducing women.

27c INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - DAY
Thérèse sits in the kitchen with her cat, Francois, on her
lap as she reads the Chloe Esclair novel.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Thérèse's only two friends are her
cat, Francios, and Chloe Esclair,
who is her connection to the
sensual world.

27d EXT. BENCH OUTSIDE PALAIS DE JUSTICE DE MONTRÉAL - DAY
Laurent, Camille, and Grivet eat lunch on a bench outside the
Palais de justice de Montréal. Grivet and Camille laugh and
pat Laurent on the back.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Laurent continues his ruse of being
the best friend of Camille.

27e INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT SITTING ROOM - DAY
Laurent paints Camille's portrait as Thérèse sits with her
paperback and cat watches.
39.

SUZANNE (V.O.)
Each day before dinner, Camille
sits for his portrait while Thérèse
gazes silently at Laurent.

27f INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Madame Raquin limps around the dining room table as she grabs
and holds on to each chair as she sets the table.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Madame's illness is slowing her
down noticeably now, which gives
more work to Thérèse.

27g INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - DAY
Madame fixes Camille's collar, brushes off his shoulders, and
fixes his hair at the bottom of the staircase. Thérèse stands
at the kitchen door shakes her lowered head.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Madame's pampering of her son is
nauseating to Thérèse, who can't
stomach both of them anymore.
MONTAGE ENDS

28 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT SITTING ROOM - DAY
Laurent paints some light strokes on the canvas as Camille
poses but is fidgeting. Thérèse watches with her cat on her
lap.
CAMILLE
Hurry, everyone is waiting to see
the finished portrait.
LAURENT
You don't want me to slip with the
last brush stroke, do you?
CAMILLE
You are right. I will sit still.
LAURENT
I'm only joking. I am finished.
Laurent and Thérèse laugh at Camille. Camille jumps up and
goes to the door.
40.

CAMILLE
I will see it with everyone else.
Let me go get the champagne,
Mother, and the domino gang.
Camille leaves the room, and Laurent closes the door. Thérèse
puts the cat down and stands.
CAMILLE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
He's finished!
THÈRÈSE
I should go help with the glasses.
Thérèse starts to walk out of the room, but Laurent grabs her
by the shoulders, turns her, and pulls her close, so their
faces are inches apart. Thérèse's gasps, eyes widened by the
surprise move.
Laurent kisses Thérèse hard and pulls her tight. Her first
reaction is to fight back. She pushes him away with both
hands on his shoulders. He separates only six inches, and he
kisses her again. She starts to resist but then succumbs.
The two kiss like a wife greeting her soldier husband home
when he returns from war. In an embrace with mouths attached,
they both fall into the door to the room. They continue to
kiss as Laurent's hands roam up and down her body.
MADAME RAQUIN (O.S.)
I have the tray of glasses.
MICHAUD (O.S.)
I can't wait to see this portrait.
Laurent and Camille stop their kiss, and their mouths are
separate by only inches.
CAMILLE (O.S.)
Hurry everyone.
Thérèse pulls away and fixes her hair and clothes. Laurent
covers the painting with a sheet as the door flies open.
Camille leads Madame, Grivet, Michaud, Oliver, and Suzanne
into the room.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a montage depicting a week in the lives of Thérèse, Laurent, Camille, and Madame Raquin, Thérèse grapples with her growing frustration towards Camille and Madame Raquin's dependence on her, while secretly developing a passionate connection with Laurent. As Laurent paints Camille's portrait and socializes, Thérèse finds solace in her novel and her cat. The tension culminates in a stolen kiss between Thérèse and Laurent, only to be interrupted by the arrival of Camille and others, leaving their forbidden feelings unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Forbidden romance theme
Weaknesses
  • Potential clichés in forbidden love trope
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the complex emotions and desires of the characters, creating a tense and intimate atmosphere. The forbidden nature of Thérèse and Laurent's relationship adds depth to the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forbidden love and desire is well-executed in the scene, drawing the audience into the emotional turmoil of the characters. The exploration of Thérèse's internal conflict adds layers to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the forbidden romance between Thérèse and Laurent intensifies, setting the stage for future conflicts and developments. The introduction of Madame Raquin's pampering of Camille adds a layer of tension to the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a complex web of relationships and desires, blending elements of romance, betrayal, and societal expectations in a unique and engaging way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Thérèse's inner turmoil and desire for escape contrasting with Laurent's charm and seductive nature. Madame Raquin's overprotectiveness and Camille's obliviousness add depth to the dynamics within the family.

Character Changes: 8

Thérèse experiences a significant shift in her emotions and desires, moving from discontent and resignation to passion and longing for something more. Laurent's seductive nature and charm also reveal new layers to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to navigate her complicated feelings towards Laurent and her loyalty to her husband, Camille. She struggles with her desires and societal expectations.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to maintain appearances and keep her affair with Laurent hidden from her family and society.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the forbidden nature of Thérèse and Laurent's relationship, as well as Thérèse's internal struggle and Madame Raquin's overprotectiveness. The tension between desire and duty creates a compelling conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the characters' actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as Thérèse and Laurent navigate their forbidden desires and the potential consequences of their actions. The risk of discovery and the impact on their relationships with other characters heighten the tension.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the forbidden romance between Thérèse and Laurent, setting the stage for future conflicts and developments. The introduction of Madame Raquin's overprotectiveness adds a new layer of tension to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected romantic encounter between Thérèse and Laurent, adding a twist to the established relationships and dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of duty versus desire, loyalty versus passion, and societal expectations versus personal happiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from desire and passion to tension and discontent. The intimate moments between Thérèse and Laurent, as well as Thérèse's internal turmoil, create a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and desire between Thérèse and Laurent, as well as the underlying conflicts within the family. The interactions feel authentic and contribute to the emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between characters, the hidden motives, and the emotional depth of the interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, building tension and suspense as the interactions between characters unfold.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct locations and character actions clearly described.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a montage format, transitioning between different locations and characters to show the passage of time and development of relationships.


Critique
  • The montage structure effectively conveys the passage of time and the evolving relationships between characters, but the transitions between scenes could use more visual or thematic connections to enhance coherence. For instance, linking Thérèse's reading to her emotional state or Laurent's interactions with women could create a stronger narrative thread.
  • The voiceover by Suzanne provides context but can feel somewhat detached from the visuals. It might benefit from a more intimate or character-driven approach, allowing the audience to feel Thérèse's and Laurent's emotions more deeply, rather than just summarizing their actions.
  • The montage scenes are varied and visually interesting, yet they risk losing emotional weight due to their brevity. Expanding key moments, like Thérèse's interactions with her cat or her reactions to Madame Raquin's pampering of Camille, could deepen audience empathy for her character.
  • The juxtaposition of Thérèse's solitary reading and Laurent's socializing highlights their contrasting lives, but it could be more pronounced. Consider incorporating visual motifs or recurring elements (like the Chloe Esclair novel) that symbolize Thérèse's yearning for passion and escape, enhancing the thematic depth.
  • The final scene of the montage shifts abruptly into a more intense moment between Thérèse and Laurent, which is impactful but could benefit from a smoother transition. A visual or auditory cue that signifies a shift in tone would help the audience prepare for the change in dynamics.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual motif that recurs throughout the montage, such as the Chloe Esclair book, to symbolize Thérèse's longing for a different life and to create a thematic link between her and Laurent's experiences.
  • Enhance Suzanne's voiceover by incorporating more personal reflections or emotional insights that align with the visuals, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with Thérèse's internal struggles and desires.
  • Expand key moments within the montage to allow for more emotional resonance, particularly in scenes where Thérèse interacts with her cat or reacts to her mother's pampering of Camille, to better illustrate her feelings of entrapment.
  • Smooth the transition into the final scene by using a visual or auditory cue, such as a change in lighting or music, to signal the shift from a montage of daily life to a more intimate and intense moment between Thérèse and Laurent.
  • Consider incorporating subtle hints of foreshadowing in the montage that allude to the impending conflict or emotional turmoil, creating a sense of anticipation for the audience as they progress through the scenes.



Scene 16 -  Celebration and Discomfort
29 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - PRESENT DAY - DAY
Back to the present-day dusty and barren cafe. Devon, Hana,
and Suzanne sit at the table. Hana jumps up and gives
Suzanne's shoulder a playful push.
41.

HANA
I knew it! I was waiting for their
first kiss.
Suzanne smiles and rubs her shoulder.
DEVON
I'm sorry for my wife's
rambunctious reaction.
Hana laughs and smooths Suzanne's shoulder with both hands.
HANA
Sorry.
SUZANNE
No need to apologize. I love your
spunk.

HANA
I'm ordering pizza as I love this
story and the mystique of this
place.
Hana grabs her phone from the table and starts the pizza
order on it.
DEVON
It seems that the Raquins lived a
very sheltered life.
SUZANNE
You don't know the half of it.
Hana puts the phone back down on the table.
HANA
Pizza is ordered, and the phone is
recording the Thérèse Raquin Cafe
story, Act Two.
SUZANNE
OK, Thérèse and Laurent were almost
caught in their passionate embrace.

30 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT SITTING ROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Michaud, Oliver, Grivet, Suzanne, Camille, and Madame Raquin
stand in front of the sheet-covered canvas. Camille has a
bottle of champagne, Madame Raquin and Suzanne have the
glasses.
42.

Thérèse slowly slides back to her usual seat behind the
portrait as Laurent stands next to the canvas. Thérèse's arms
are folded as she tries to make herself look invisible.
MICHAUD
Oh right, my boy, let's see it.
Laurent grabs the sheet from the top and whooshes it off like
a bullfighter with a cape. The group all gasp in excitement.
On the canvas turned a sickly man healthy with a head of
sparse hair to look like Russell Brand.
MADAME RAQUIN
It is a masterpiece!
LAURENT
Please--
GRIVET
You look so distinguished, Camille.
CAMILLE
Yes, it is a dignified look. I like
it.
MADAME RAQUIN
I love it. Thank you, Laurent.
Madame hugs Laurent and starts crying. Laurent smiles and
comforts her tears of joy by rubbing her back. Michaud walks
closer to the painting to observe.
MICHAUD
I am not an art expert, but this is
excellent work. Camille never
looked better.
OLIVER
You have made him immortal.
SUZANNE
Camille's very soul will shine from
this painting forever.
Camille gives the bottle of champagne to Michaud.
CAMILLE
Open this bottle for me, as I can
never do it. Let's toast.
Michaud opens the champagne as Suzanne and Madame give out
the glasses. Michaud goes around pouring everyone some
champagne. Laurent looks at Thérèse, but she holds her glass
in front of her with two hands, and her head is down.
43.

MADAME RAQUIN
Raise your glasses to Laurent and
his artistic skills. He is now
officially a member of this family.
GRIVET
Here, here!
OLIVER
To Laurent!
Everyone replies, "to Laurent," and they all sip their
champagne.
MADAME RAQUIN
Come, let's go down to the cafe and
continue the celebration with our
game of dominoes.
Suzanne escorts Madame out of the room, followed by Oliver.
Michaud puts his arm around Laurent as he leads him out of
the room.
MICHAUD
After seeing your work, we have to
sit down and talk about investing
in your future.
Grivet puts his arm around Camille's shoulders.
GRIVET
Where will you hang it?
CAMILLE
Right over our beds, so Thérèse can
gaze at it when I am at work.
Thérèse chokes on her champagne coughs and covers her mouth.
THÈRÈSE
Excuse me. I have to help Madame
with the refreshments.
Thérèse scurries out of the room.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the Thérèse Raquin Cafe, Hana excitedly shares a story about a first kiss while Devon apologizes for her enthusiasm. As they discuss the sheltered lives of the Raquins, Hana orders pizza and records the tale of Thérèse and Laurent's passionate embrace. The scene shifts to the Raquin apartment, where a group admires Laurent's painting of Camille, eliciting emotional reactions and toasts to his talent. Thérèse, feeling uncomfortable with the attention on the painting and Laurent, excuses herself to help with refreshments, highlighting her inner conflict amidst the celebratory atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable moments
  • Lack of major conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-executed, with a good balance of emotions, tension, and character interactions. The unveiling of the portrait adds depth to the story and sets the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unveiling the portrait and celebrating Laurent's artistic skills is engaging and adds layers to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses with the unveiling of the portrait and the interactions between the characters, setting up potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of historical elements with modern technology, creating an intriguing juxtaposition. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their emotions and relationships are effectively portrayed, especially Thérèse and Laurent.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse and Laurent's relationship undergoes a subtle shift, hinting at potential changes in their dynamic in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and hide her true feelings, as evidenced by Thérèse's attempt to make herself look invisible and her physical reaction to Camille's portrait.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain appearances and participate in the celebration, as shown by Thérèse's involvement in the toast and her excuse to help Madame with the refreshments.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is tension between Thérèse and Laurent, as well as underlying conflicts within the group dynamics, but it is not the central focus of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the character dynamics.

High Stakes: 6

While there are emotional stakes involved in the unveiling of the portrait and the interactions between the characters, the overall stakes are not extremely high in this scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters, their relationships, and potential conflicts, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle emotional cues and hidden motivations of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict between Thérèse's true feelings and the facade she presents to others. This challenges her values of honesty and authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from joy and excitement to tension and anxiety, especially in the interactions between Thérèse and Laurent.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities and dynamics, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, emotional depth, and subtle tension between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through character interactions and emotional cues.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions between the present-day café and the historical context of Thérèse and Laurent's story, but it may benefit from more seamless integration of these elements to enhance the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is engaging, particularly the playful interaction between Hana and Suzanne, which adds a modern touch to the story. However, the connection between the characters and the historical narrative could be deepened to create a stronger emotional resonance.
  • The contrast between the excitement in the café and the underlying tension of Thérèse's past is well established, but the scene could further explore the characters' emotional states, particularly Thérèse's discomfort during the toast to Laurent. This would create a more layered emotional experience for the audience.
  • The visual description of the painting and the reactions to it could be expanded to provide more vivid imagery. Describing the painting's details and how it reflects the characters' personalities or relationships would enhance the scene's impact.
  • Thérèse's reaction to the toast feels somewhat abrupt. Providing a moment of internal reflection or dialogue that reveals her feelings about Laurent being celebrated could enhance the audience's understanding of her character's conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or visual cue that connects the present-day characters to the historical events, reinforcing the emotional stakes of the story.
  • Incorporate more internal monologue or subtle cues from Thérèse to express her discomfort and internal conflict during the toast, allowing the audience to empathize with her struggle.
  • Expand on the descriptions of the painting and the characters' reactions to it, using sensory details to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Add a moment where Hana or Devon comments on the emotional weight of the story being told, which could serve to bridge the modern and historical narratives more effectively.
  • Consider concluding the scene with a stronger emotional note, perhaps by lingering on Thérèse's expression as she leaves, hinting at her unresolved feelings towards Laurent and her situation.



Scene 17 -  A Game of Dominoes and Secrets
31 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - LATER - NIGHT
Michaud, Oliver, Suzanne, Camille, and Laurent slide over
their domino tiles to Grivet, who puts the domino tiles back
into its box. Madame Raquin puts a tray of cookies on the
table. Thérèse goes around the table pouring coffee.
44.

MICHAUD
I can't believe that Grivet won the
last three games.
Grivet puts his finger to his temple.
GRIVET
People have always said I have ESP
and can read minds.
OLIVER
What am I thinking now, Grivet?
Grivet stares at Oliver's eyes.
GRIVET
Hey, no cursing at the table!
While everyone looks and laughs at Grivet, Thérèse pours
coffee into Laurent's cup as he secretly massages her leg out
of everyone's sight. Thérèse spills some coffee and quickly
moves to pour coffee for Michaud.
CAMILLE
Thérèse, be careful with the
coffee. You are so absent-minded
tonight.
Thérèse just takes a deep breath and continues serving as
Laurent stands up from his seat.
LAURENT
You all have been so gracious, but
I must find my way home now.
Laurent reaches into his pocket and hands everyone his
business card. Laurent uses two hands to give the card to
Thérèse and slowly slides his hand off of hers. Thérèse backs
away and looks at the card.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
My cell and contact info are all
there. Contact me at any time.
CAMILLE
Thank you, my friend.
MICHAUD
You will be hearing from me.
Laurent gets his painting supplies which are at the bottom of
the stairs. He has his arms full when Madame Raquin walks to
him and grabs his head, and kisses each cheek. Laurent
struggles not to drop anything in the exchange.
45.

MADAME RAQUIN
You are welcome here anytime. Thank
you for the portrait.
Everyone gestures and says their good-byes to Laurent except
for Thérèse, who stands behind everyone.
CAMILLE
Thérèse, can you unlock the door
for Laurent? His arms are full.
Thérèse scurries over to unlock the door. As Laurent squeezes
by her with his arms full, she whispers in his ear.
THÈRÈSE
I will text you tonight.
Laurent gives Thérèse a wink and exits into the night.
Thérèse shuts the door and leans on it as she takes a deep
breath. The others are busy chatting on the night in the
background.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In Thérèse Raquin's cafe, a group of friends gathers for a lively game of dominoes, where Grivet humorously boasts about his winning streak and supposed mind-reading skills. Amidst the playful banter, Thérèse shares a flirtatious moment with Laurent, who leaves her visibly affected after their exchange. The scene captures the light-hearted atmosphere intertwined with Thérèse's internal struggle over her feelings for Laurent, culminating in a poignant moment as she leans against the door, reflecting on their interaction.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Subtle character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some predictable character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines tension, intimacy, and playfulness, creating a compelling atmosphere. The introduction of romantic undertones adds depth to the characters and sets up potential conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a domino game night at the cafe serves as a backdrop for character interactions and the development of relationships. The introduction of romantic tension adds layers to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters interact during the domino game night, with subtle hints of romantic tension between Thérèse and Laurent. The scene sets up potential conflicts and developments for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on themes of desire, duty, and betrayal, with complex character relationships and subtle emotional dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each displaying unique personalities and dynamics. Thérèse's internal conflict and growing attraction to Laurent, Camille's obliviousness, and Madame Raquin's protective nature all add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse experiences internal conflict and growing attraction towards Laurent, hinting at potential character development. The scene sets the stage for future changes and reveals hidden desires and emotions.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her complicated feelings towards Laurent, as she is drawn to him but also conflicted about their growing connection. This reflects her deeper desires for passion and freedom, as well as her fears of betraying her husband and disrupting her life.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal in this scene is to maintain appearances and social decorum while interacting with Laurent and the other characters. She must balance her attraction to Laurent with her obligations to her husband and family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The scene contains subtle conflicts, primarily in the form of internal struggles and unspoken desires. The tension between Thérèse and Laurent, as well as Thérèse's conflicting feelings towards Camille, adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, as Thérèse navigates her conflicting desires and obligations. The audience is left unsure of how Thérèse will resolve her internal and external conflicts.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the introduction of romantic tension and hidden desires among the characters raises the emotional stakes and sets the stage for potential conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing romantic tension, character dynamics, and potential conflicts. It sets up future developments and hints at significant changes in relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in character dynamics and the unexpected moments of emotional intensity. The audience is kept on their toes as they navigate the characters' complex relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between duty and desire, as Thérèse grapples with her loyalty to her husband and her growing feelings for Laurent. This challenges her beliefs about love, commitment, and personal fulfillment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anticipation to intimacy and vulnerability. The subtle romantic undertones and character dynamics create a compelling emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, blending tension, humor, and subtle flirtation. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and relationships, enhancing the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character dynamics, emotional tension, and subtle storytelling. The interactions between the characters and the underlying conflicts keep the audience invested in the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a natural rhythm that allows for moments of tension and release. The pacing enhances the emotional impact of the scene and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the readability and clarity of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of interactions and dialogue, with a clear progression of events and character dynamics. The structure effectively conveys the scene's themes and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the light-hearted atmosphere of a game night, juxtaposed with the undercurrents of Thérèse and Laurent's secret connection. The dialogue is playful and fits the characters well, especially with Grivet's humorous claim of having ESP, which adds to the camaraderie among friends.
  • However, the secretive interaction between Thérèse and Laurent feels somewhat rushed. While the physical intimacy is hinted at through the leg massage and the hand-holding, it could benefit from more tension and buildup to enhance the stakes of their secret relationship.
  • Thérèse's characterization as absent-minded is established through Camille's comment, but this could be further developed. Showing her internal conflict or distraction more vividly would help the audience understand her emotional state as she navigates her feelings for Laurent while fulfilling her duties.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Thérèse's whisper to Laurent, which is a nice touch. However, it could be even more impactful if it were foreshadowed by Thérèse's internal thoughts throughout the scene, allowing the audience to feel her anticipation and excitement leading up to that moment.
  • The physical actions and visual elements, such as the pouring of coffee and the handling of domino tiles, are well-described, but there could be more sensory detail to immerse the audience in the setting. Describing the aroma of the coffee, the warmth of the cookies, or the sounds of laughter could enhance the atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Thérèse reflects on her feelings for Laurent while serving coffee, allowing the audience to see her inner turmoil and desire more clearly.
  • Expand on the physical interactions between Thérèse and Laurent to increase the tension. Perhaps include subtle glances or touches that hint at their growing attraction, making the audience more invested in their secret.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene's atmosphere. Describe the café's ambiance, the taste of the cookies, or the warmth of the coffee to create a more vivid setting.
  • Introduce a brief moment of silence or pause in the conversation when Thérèse and Laurent share their secret interaction, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their connection amidst the laughter of the group.
  • To enhance the comedic aspect, consider adding a humorous mishap during the domino game that could serve as a distraction, allowing Thérèse and Laurent to steal a moment together without drawing attention.



Scene 18 -  Secret Rendezvous
32 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - LATER - NIGHT
Camille is asleep in his bed with his CPAP mask on. Thérèse
sits up in bed and takes out her flip-phone and Laurent's
business card. She looks at Camille, then back to her phone,
glances at Camille again, then starts her text.

33 INT. DIVE BAR - SIMULTANEOUSLY - NIGHT
Laurent sits at the bar with a half drank beer in front of
him, when his phone buzzes. He looks at the phone and it says
MESSAGE FROM THERESE RAQUIN.

34 INT. THERESE'S BEDROOM/DIVE BAR
SPLIT-SCREEN — TEXT CONVERSATION
Laurent and Thérèse read their texts silently in their heads
as they type them. Thérèse sits up in her bed, and Laurent
sits at a bar.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
Are you awake?
LAURENT (V.O.)
Not yet. Glad you text me. I need
to see you.
46.

THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
I don't know.
LAURENT
Do you want to see me?
Thérèse types, erases, types again, erases, types a third
time, looks at it, and sends.
THÈRÈSE
I do, but it is scary.
LAURENT (V.O.)
Can you get away?
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
No, one of them is always with me.
LAURENT (V.O.)
That is weird.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
I will explain to you.
LAURENT (V.O.)
Just come to my studio after work.
Thérèse covers her face, looks at Camille, then responds.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
No, I can't. You come here.
LAURENT (V.O.)
What? How can I do that?
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
I take a rest break in my bedroom
at 3 pm.
LAURENT (V.O.)
What do I do? Bring a ladder?
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
No silly. Use the back steps. I
will be waiting for you at the top
of the steps.
LAURENT (V.O.)
I will be there.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
I will be waiting.
47.

LAURENT (V.O.)
À demain. Until tomorow.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
Tomorrow can't come soon enough.
Thérèse clutches the phone to her heart and closes her eyes.
Laurent places the phone on the bar, downs his beer, and
shakes his head with a sly smile on his face.

35 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - NEXT DAY - DAY
Thérèse sits on a stool in the kitchen, pets her cat as she
stares at the clock. The clock reads 2:45 PM. Madame Raquin
serves a customer in the cafe.
THÈRÈSE
That clock is moving slower than
usual, Francois.
Thérèse takes her phone out and checks for a text. She closes
it and puts it down on the table.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Maybe he is not coming, Francois. I
haven't heard from him all day.
Thérèse gets up and looks at her reflection in a silver tray.
She fixes her hair the best she can with her hands.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Come on, Francois, let's go
upstairs.
Thérèse grabs the cat and leaves the kitchen.

36 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Thérèse walks into the cafe with her cat and holds her head.
Madame Raquin sits behind the counter of the cafe.
THÈRÈSE
My head is killing me. I am going
up a little early to rest.
Madame walks over to Thérèse and feels her forehead.
MADAME RAQUIN
Go rest, lay down. I will call you
when it is time to lock up.
48.

THÈRÈSE
Thank you, Mother.
Thérèse slowly walks over to the staircase. At the staircase,
she looks at Madame and sees her step into the kitchen. With
that, she starts to run up the staircase.

37 EXT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE OUTSIDE - MOMENTS LATER - DAY
Laurent peeks into the Cafe window. He is careful so no one
can see him. Laurent looks left and right and walks down the
alleyway next to the cafe. He walks to the back of the cafe
to a red door.
Laurent looks right and then left and then right again. He
then slowly turns the doorknob, and it is unlocked. He looks
both ways again and opens the door. He checks again for
people and walks into the building.

38 INT. BACK STAIRWAY TO RAQUIN APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Laurent closes the door quietly and turns. He looks up the
stairwell and sees Thérèse at the top of the stairs at the
doorway. They both exchange a smile. Laurent quietly but
still bounces up the stairs to Thérèse.
He grabs Thérèse at the top of the stairs and deeply kisses
her as she meets him in the embrace. They stumble into the
doorway in each other's arms.
THÈRÈSE
I was afraid you weren't coming.
LAURENT
Nothing can keep me from being
here.
Thérèse hugs Laurent and closes her eyes.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
You're trembling.
THÈRÈSE
Only with excitement.
Thérèse puts her finger to her lips and slowly opens the door
into her bedroom.
49.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Thérèse initiates a secret text conversation with Laurent while Camille sleeps, expressing their desire to meet despite the risks. She suggests a clandestine meeting at her apartment, and Laurent agrees. The next day, Thérèse anxiously waits for him at the cafe, managing to sneak away when her mother is distracted. Laurent enters through the back and they share a passionate kiss at the top of the stairs, solidifying their connection amidst the tension of their secret relationship.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension
  • Forbidden romance
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with emotional depth, tension, and a sense of secrecy that captivates the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a secret rendezvous between Thérèse and Laurent adds intrigue and complexity to the storyline, revealing the forbidden nature of their relationship.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the clandestine meeting, deepening the romantic tension between Thérèse and Laurent and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on forbidden love and secrecy, blending modern technology with traditional themes of desire and societal expectations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Thérèse and Laurent's characters are well-developed, showcasing their emotional turmoil, desires, and the complexity of their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Thérèse experiences a significant emotional shift in the scene, grappling with her feelings for Laurent and the consequences of their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to navigate her feelings of fear and desire for Laurent while being trapped in a difficult situation with Camille. This reflects her deeper needs for love and freedom, as well as her fears of consequences and societal judgment.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to arrange a secret meeting with Laurent without being caught. This reflects the immediate challenge of their forbidden relationship and the need for discretion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Thérèse's feelings for Laurent and her loyalty to Camille creates tension and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' motivations and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of Thérèse and Laurent's forbidden romance add intensity and suspense to the scene, raising the emotional stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by deepening the romantic subplot and setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting desires and the potential consequences of their actions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' conflicting desires for love and freedom against societal expectations and obligations. Thérèse and Laurent's actions challenge traditional values and norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in relation to Thérèse and Laurent's forbidden romance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intimate and revealing, capturing the emotional depth of Thérèse and Laurent's connection.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, suspenseful pacing, and the characters' complex motivations and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with effective use of scene transitions and split-screen elements to enhance the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, effectively building tension and anticipation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and anticipation through the use of split-screen text conversations, which visually represents the emotional distance and longing between Thérèse and Laurent. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; some lines feel repetitive or lack emotional depth. For instance, Thérèse's repeated expressions of fear could be expanded to show more of her internal conflict.
  • The split-screen technique is a creative choice that adds visual interest, but it may also detract from the emotional resonance of the moment. Consider how the audience might connect more deeply with the characters if the scene focused on one character at a time, allowing for a more intimate exploration of their feelings.
  • While the scene captures the secretive nature of Thérèse and Laurent's relationship, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. Instead of directly stating their feelings and intentions, they could hint at their desires and fears through metaphors or more layered conversation. This would enhance the tension and make their connection feel more forbidden and intense.
  • Thérèse's actions, such as checking the clock and fixing her hair, effectively illustrate her nervousness and anticipation. However, there could be more sensory details to immerse the audience in her emotional state. Describing her physical sensations or the atmosphere in the room could enhance the scene's emotional impact.
  • The transition from Thérèse's bedroom to the dive bar feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's flow and build anticipation for Laurent's response to Thérèse's text. Consider including a moment of reflection for Laurent as he reads the text, which would allow the audience to see his emotional journey as well.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to incorporate more subtext, allowing characters to imply their feelings rather than stating them outright. This will create a richer emotional experience for the audience.
  • Consider using a single character focus for the text conversation, alternating between Thérèse and Laurent's perspectives to deepen the emotional connection and tension.
  • Add more sensory details to Thérèse's actions and environment to enhance the audience's immersion in her emotional state, such as describing her heartbeat, the warmth of the room, or the scent of her surroundings.
  • Smooth out the transition between the two locations by adding a moment of reflection for Laurent as he processes Thérèse's text, which would help maintain the scene's emotional continuity.
  • Explore the use of visual metaphors or motifs that reflect the characters' emotional states, such as the weather or lighting, to enhance the thematic depth of the scene.



Scene 19 -  Whispers of Desire
39 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Thérèse walks into the room in front of Laurent but holds his
hand. She quietly closes the door, then buries her head into
Laurent's chest and squeezes him. Laurent softly strokes her
hair.
LAURENT
I wanted you since the first time I
saw you.
Thérèse then takes Laurent's hand and softly kisses it after
each brief statement.
THÈRÈSE
Love me.
(kiss)
Teach me.
(kiss)
Take me.
(kiss)
Like a waltz on a dance floor, Laurent kisses her deeply and
leads his dance partner to the bed. He then slowly lowers
Thérèse onto the bed. He is on top of her with straight arms
on each side of her head looks down at her.
LAURENT
You are still shaking. Why? You are
married, so I am not your first.
THÈRÈSE
You are the first man, the first
real man.
Laurent gives her a reassuring smile.
LAURENT
Relax, as I will make love to you
like I paint, slow strokes with
bold moves.
They kiss softly, and Laurent pulls back about six inches.
After a short pause, Thérèse pulls his head down and kisses
Laurent passionately. The two then kiss and roll around the
bed in an embrace.

40 INT. COURTHOUSE OFFICES - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Camille walks over to an empty desk and looks left and right.
He talks to a FEMALE CLERK who is on an adjacent desk at work
with her PC.
50.

CAMILLE
Excuse me, have you seen Laurent?
UNKNOWN CLERK
He said he had a doctor's
appointment he will be back in
about an hour.
CAMILLE
That's funny. He didn't say
anything as we usually have our
coffee break together. I hope he is
OK.
UNKNOWN CLERK
He seemed fine as he had a bounce
to his step. Probably just a
regular physical.
Camille shakes his head back and forth and walks away.

41 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER - DAY
Laurent lies on the bed, sweaty, catches his breath. Thérèse
sits on her ankles, vajrasana yoga pose, with her hands
holding her cheeks.
THÈRÈSE
That was amazing.
LAURENT
You are incredible, and you must
drive Camille crazy.
Thérèse bursts into laughter.
THÈRÈSE
Camille? Are you kidding me?
Camille?
LAURENT
What? He's your husband.
Thérèse stops laughing and puts her hands on Laurent's chest.
THÈRÈSE
Camille and I are more like a
brother and sister than husband and
wife. We have zero passion.
LAURENT
How can he resist you?
51.

THÈRÈSE
It is a long emotionless story.
Thérèse plops down next to Laurent and buries her face into
her pillow. Laurent turns toward Thérèse and gently runs his
hand through her hair.
LAURENT
Then how did you react so perfectly
to my love making?
Thérèse turns her head toward Laurent.
THÈRÈSE
You can thank Chloe Esclair as I
learned all of that by reading her
novels.
The two both laugh.
LAURENT
Thank you, Chloe Esclair. Now tell
me the story of you and Camille.
Thérèse turns her head away from Laurent.
THÈRÈSE
I can't look at you when I tell you
this tale.
Laurent rubs her back and kisses the back of her head.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Just don't say anything until I am
finished.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary In the RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM, Thérèse and Laurent share an intimate moment filled with passion and longing. Thérèse expresses her desire for Laurent, contrasting it with her emotionally distant marriage to Camille, which she describes as sibling-like. Their encounter deepens their connection, but Thérèse's internal conflict about her feelings for Laurent and her lack of passion with Camille remains unresolved as she prepares to delve into her troubled relationship.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional connection between characters
  • Effective portrayal of desire and vulnerability
  • Compelling dialogue and character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential for clichéd romantic tropes
  • Lack of external conflict or obstacles to the romance

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, emotionally charged, and pivotal in developing the relationship dynamics between Thérèse and Laurent. It effectively conveys the characters' desires, vulnerabilities, and conflicts, creating a compelling and memorable moment.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the forbidden romance between Thérèse and Laurent is executed with depth and sensitivity. The scene effectively captures the emotional complexity of their relationship and sets the stage for further developments.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Thérèse and Laurent's relationship deepens, leading to potential conflicts and consequences. The scene sets the stage for future events and character dynamics, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of forbidden love and desire, exploring the complexities of Thérèse and Laurent's affair in a nuanced and intimate way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Thérèse and Laurent are portrayed with depth and complexity, showcasing their inner conflicts, desires, and vulnerabilities. The scene highlights their emotional journey and sets the stage for character development and growth.

Character Changes: 8

Thérèse experiences a significant emotional and physical transformation as she engages in a passionate moment with Laurent, revealing her hidden desires and vulnerabilities. This moment marks a turning point in her character arc.

Internal Goal: 9

Thérèse's internal goal in this scene is to break free from the emotional constraints of her marriage and experience true passion and love. This reflects her deeper desire for fulfillment and authenticity in her relationships.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal in this scene is to navigate the complexities of her affair with Laurent while maintaining the facade of her marriage to Camille. She must balance her desires with the societal expectations placed upon her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces internal conflicts within Thérèse and Laurent as they navigate their forbidden romance and grapple with their desires and regrets. The emotional tension and stakes are high, setting the stage for future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Thérèse must navigate the complexities of her affair with Laurent while maintaining the facade of her marriage to Camille. The audience is left unsure of how she will reconcile her desires with societal expectations.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Thérèse and Laurent engage in a forbidden romance that could have serious consequences for their relationships and lives. The emotional intensity and risks involved heighten the stakes in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship dynamics between Thérèse and Laurent, setting the stage for future conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the narrative and advances the plot in a meaningful way.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Thérèse and Laurent's relationship, as well as the societal pressures and expectations that add complexity to their affair.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of passion, desire, and societal expectations. Thérèse must reconcile her own needs and desires with the expectations placed upon her as a married woman.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of love, desire, longing, and vulnerability, resonating with the audience on a deep emotional level. The intimate moments shared between Thérèse and Laurent create a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intimate, passionate, and reflective, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and desires. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact of the moment shared between Thérèse and Laurent.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional and physical connection between Thérèse and Laurent, as well as the forbidden nature of their affair. The tension and desire between the characters draw the audience in and create a sense of anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and develops the emotional and physical connection between Thérèse and Laurent. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the characters' desires and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the intimate and passionate nature of the characters' interactions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and develops the emotional and physical connection between Thérèse and Laurent. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the characters' desires and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the intimacy between Thérèse and Laurent, using physical actions and dialogue that convey their emotional connection. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. For example, Thérèse's request for love, teaching, and passion could be layered with more nuance to deepen the emotional stakes.
  • The metaphor of lovemaking being compared to painting is a strong visual and thematic element, but it could be further developed. Consider expanding on this metaphor to explore how Laurent's artistic perspective influences his relationship with Thérèse, perhaps through more specific language or imagery.
  • Thérèse's line about Camille being more like a brother than a husband is impactful, but it might be more effective if it were delivered with a stronger emotional weight. This could be achieved by showing more of Thérèse's internal conflict or pain regarding her relationship with Camille, perhaps through her body language or a moment of vulnerability.
  • The transition between the passionate encounter and the discussion about Camille feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene and maintain the emotional momentum. Perhaps incorporating a moment of silence or a shared look before diving into the conversation about Camille could help.
  • The dialogue between Thérèse and Laurent is playful, but it risks undermining the gravity of their situation. While humor can be effective, it should not overshadow the serious implications of their affair. Balancing light-hearted moments with more serious reflections on their choices could create a richer emotional landscape.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physicality to the scene to enhance the intimacy and emotional connection between Thérèse and Laurent. Small gestures, like Thérèse tracing Laurent's jawline or Laurent cupping Thérèse's face, could add depth to their interaction.
  • Explore the use of sensory details to immerse the audience in the moment. Describing the scents, sounds, or the feel of the sheets could create a more vivid atmosphere, making the intimacy feel more tangible.
  • Incorporate Thérèse's internal thoughts more prominently during her dialogue. This could be achieved through voiceover or by having her express her fears and desires more explicitly, providing insight into her character and the stakes of their relationship.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more metaphorical language that reflects the themes of art and passion. This could enhance the poetic quality of the scene and reinforce the connection between their physical relationship and Laurent's artistic ambitions.
  • To build tension, you could introduce a moment where Thérèse hears something outside the room, reminding her of the consequences of their actions. This could serve to heighten the stakes and foreshadow potential conflict, making their intimate moment feel more precarious.



Scene 20 -  Trapped in Care: The Life of Thérèse Raquin
42 INT./EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS - MONTAGE
Scenes 42a to 42g show the story of Thérèse and Camille. With
these brief scenes, Thérèse comments with voiceovers.
MONTAGE BEGINS

42a INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN BACKDOOR - DAY
A young Madame Raquin opens the back door to see a disheveled
guy in a t-shirt, jeans, tattoos down his arms, who holds the
hand of a 5-year-old little girl Thérèse in a dress with torn
sneakers and a doll in her arms.
52.

THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
My father was a drug addict, and my
mother was dead. Madame Raquin was
his sister, and he left me with
her.

42b INT. FARMHOUSE BEDROOM - DAY
A young Madame Raquin brings 5-year-old Thérèse to meet 5-
year-old Camille, who is sickly in bed.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
Madame tells me that Camille is my
new brother and she is my new Mom.

42c INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN - DAY
A young Thérèse and Camille, about 9-years-old, sit at the
kitchen table with pencils in their hands and a notebook in
front of them, as Madame Raquin teaches them math with a
small chalkboard.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
After her husband was killed on
duty, Madame was overprotective of
us. She homeschooled us, and we
hardly went into town.

42d INT. FARMHOUSE BEDROOM - NIGHT
13-year-old Camille lies in bed with covers to his neck.
Thérèse wears a long sleeve to the ankles pajama dress, gives
Camille a spoonful of three different medicines.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
My job was to take care of the
sickly Camille. This was my job
every day that I can remember.

42e EXT. FARMHOUSE BACKYARD - DAY
15-year-old Thérèse and Camille are outside in their
backyard. Thérèse, in shorts and sneakers, chases the dog and
jumps over the legs of Camille, who sits in a lounge chair
with a blanket around him.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
We were always alone together. I
was athletic full of energy, and
Camille was always thin and sickly.
53.

42f INT. COURTHOUSE - DAY
21-year-old Thérèse and Camille get married at the
courthouse. Thérèse wears a white peasant wedding dress with
a wreath of flowers on her head. Camille wears his father's
old suit that is three sizes too big.
Madame Raquin, Michaud, Grivet, Oliver, and Suzanne dressed
in their church clothes congratulate the couple, as a judge
in his robe marries them.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
I never knew any better. No
television, no interactions with
others. I was told my entire life
that we would marry at age 21.

42g INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - DAY
Thérèse, at age 25, sits in the kitchen holding her cat
staring into oblivion with her Chloe Esclair novel closed in
her hand. Outside the kitchen in the cafe, Madame Raquin is
primping Camille and kissing him on the cheeks.
THÈRÈSE (V.O.)
My only friend was Francois and I
learned about life from reading
Chloe Esclair. I was trapped, but
then you came into our lives.
MONTAGE ENDS
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary The montage chronicles Thérèse Raquin's life from childhood to age 25, focusing on her upbringing with her sickly brother Camille and their overprotective guardian, Madame Raquin. Thérèse's role as a caretaker for Camille is highlighted, showcasing her feelings of entrapment and longing for freedom amidst a sheltered existence. The emotional tone is melancholic, as Thérèse reflects on her limited experiences and the weight of her responsibilities, culminating in a sense of confinement as she anticipates the arrival of someone new in their lives.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of external action or plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Thérèse's complex emotions and sets the stage for future conflicts and character growth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Thérèse's past and present through a montage adds depth to her character and enriches the audience's understanding of her motivations.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through the revelation of Thérèse's backstory and her budding relationship with Laurent, setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of duty versus personal freedom, with unique character dynamics and a compelling narrative structure. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Thérèse, are well-developed and their inner conflicts and desires are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Thérèse undergoes a significant emotional transformation as she confronts her desires and begins to challenge her predetermined life.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of identity and freedom within the confines of her upbringing and responsibilities. She desires to break free from the expectations placed upon her and discover her own path.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of her upbringing, take care of Camille, and eventually find a way to break free from the constraints of her environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is an underlying tension and conflict in Thérèse's internal struggles and her growing attraction to Laurent.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Thérèse faces internal conflicts and external challenges that test her sense of duty and personal freedom.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Thérèse as she navigates her feelings for Laurent and confronts the constraints of her current life.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides important insights into Thérèse's past and sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected character dynamics and challenges the audience's expectations of traditional family structures and relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between duty and personal freedom. Thérèse is torn between her obligations to care for Camille and her desire to live her own life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through Thérèse's inner turmoil, longing, and the budding romance with Laurent.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and relationships, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into the complex emotions and relationships of the characters, drawing the audience into Thérèse's internal struggles and the challenges she faces in her environment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the passage of time and the emotional development of the characters, maintaining a balance between introspective moments and external actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting. The use of voiceovers adds a unique stylistic element to the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and time periods. The montage format effectively conveys the passage of time and the development of the characters.


Critique
  • The montage effectively conveys Thérèse's backstory, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional resonance. While the voiceover provides context, the visuals alone may not fully capture the depth of Thérèse's feelings about her upbringing and her relationship with Camille. Consider incorporating more visceral imagery or moments that visually illustrate her emotional turmoil.
  • The pacing of the montage feels rushed, especially in the transitions between scenes. Each segment could be expanded slightly to allow the audience to absorb the significance of each moment. For example, the scene where Thérèse cares for Camille could include a brief moment that highlights her emotional burden, such as a lingering gaze or a sigh, to deepen the viewer's connection to her character.
  • The dialogue in the voiceover is informative but lacks a personal touch. Thérèse's reflections could be more poetic or introspective, providing insights into her inner conflict and desires. This would enhance the audience's empathy and understanding of her situation.
  • The visual elements, while clear, could be more symbolic. For instance, consider using motifs such as light and shadow to represent Thérèse's feelings of entrapment versus hope. This could add a layer of depth to the imagery and reinforce the emotional stakes of her story.
  • The final line of the montage, 'I was trapped, but then you came into our lives,' is a powerful statement but feels somewhat abrupt. It could be enhanced by a visual cue, such as a moment where Thérèse's expression changes as she thinks of Laurent, suggesting the hope he brings. This would create a more seamless transition into the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Expand the scenes within the montage to add more emotional depth and allow the audience to connect with Thérèse's experiences more fully.
  • Enhance the voiceover with more poetic language or introspective thoughts that reveal Thérèse's internal struggle and desires.
  • Incorporate visual motifs or symbols that reflect Thérèse's emotional state, such as contrasting light and shadow, to add layers of meaning to the imagery.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection or a significant gesture in the scenes to emphasize Thérèse's emotional burden, particularly in her care for Camille.
  • Create a more gradual transition into the final line of the montage, possibly by showing Thérèse's expression change as she thinks of Laurent, to emphasize the hope he represents.



Scene 21 -  A Secret Embrace
43 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Laurent softly turns Thérèse toward him in the bed. He gently
wipes her tears away from her face. Thérèse exhales a deep
breath and smiles without opening her lips.
LAURENT
You are a survivor. You deserve so
much more.
THÈRÈSE
I owe them everything as I can't
survive without them.
LAURENT
You can with me.
Thérèse grabs Laurent around the neck and pulls him to her
for a long kiss. Madame Raquin yells from the cafe at the
bottom of the stairway.
54.

MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Thérèse, are you coming back down
soon?
Laurent jolts up as if Madame entered the room. Thérèse
laughs at Laurent's reaction.
THÈRÈSE
Relax, I don't care if she sees us.
LAURENT
Thérèse--
Thérèse yells back down to Madame Raquin.
THÈRÈSE
Sorry, I fell asleep. I will be
right down.
Laurent scuttles to put his clothes on while Thérèse rests
her head on her elbows as she lies on her stomach, watching
him dress. Laurent doesn't see the cat, and he is startled as
Francois jumps up on the bed. Thérèse laughs at Laurent.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Who are you scared of Francois?
Madame? Camille?
LAURENT
I fear no one, except maybe the
cat. But we have to be smart about
this, about us.
Thérèse gets out of bed completely naked and embraces Laurent
with a kiss.
THÈRÈSE
Come again tomorrow afternoon.
LAURENT
I will be here.

44 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - PRESENT DAY - DAY
Back to the present-day dusty and barren cafe. Devon, Hana,
and Suzanne sit at the table. Hana stands up with both hands
in the air as she interrupts Suzanne. Devon and Suzanne both
turn to Hana.
HANA
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
55.

Hana stands with both hands on the table. Her arms are rigid
and straight as she stares into Suzanne's eyes.
HANA (CONT'D)
Are they cousins? First cousins?
And they are married?
Devon gently tugs on Hana to sit back down. Suzanne leans
back in her seat and crosses her arms.
SUZANNE
First, there was no birth
certificate for Thérèse and there
are regions where it is acceptable.
HANA
Still sounds weird.
DEVON
Come on, Hana, you are more open-
minded than that.
SUZANNE
Madame was overprotective after her
husband was killed on duty. Camille
and Thérèse were homeschooled with
little contact with any peers.
DEVON
They had no television, no
internet, and lived in the hills
out of town.
HANA
Then how did they end up here in
this cafe?
SUZANNE
My father-in-law, Old Michaud, was
Madame's husband's partner on the
police force. He found Camille a
job with Grivet's help.
HANA
Why the cafe?
SUZANNE
Madame did not want to be far away
from Camille at work, and she was
an exquisite baker of French
pastries.
HANA
Ahhh, now it is making sense.
56.

DEVON
Madame was keeping her protective
bubble over the two of them.
HANA
And the two of them didn't know any
better and became totally dependent
on her.
SUZANNE
That is until Chloe Esclair and
Laurent came into Thérèse's world.
HANA
Awww, I feel bad for Thérèse and
Camille now. Did Laurent keep
seeing Thérèse?
SUZANNE
Every day in the afternoon, Laurent
would sneak up the back stairs for
Thérèse's break and make passionate
love.
HANA
That is so hot.
DEVON
Hana, my wife, that is adultery.
Hana slaps Devon's hand and laughs.
HANA
My sweet husband, you have nothing
to worry about. So, tell us more
about this affair.
SUZANNE
After about two weeks of afternoon
lovemaking, they made a dramatic
decision for their futures.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the Raquin apartment bedroom, Thérèse, feeling emotional and indebted to her family, shares a passionate kiss with Laurent. Their intimate moment is interrupted by Madame Raquin's voice, highlighting her overbearing presence. Despite the tension, Thérèse expresses her desire to continue their secret affair, inviting Laurent to return the next day, while the humorous interruption by Francois the cat adds a light moment to the scene.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional moments
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Exploration of forbidden love
Weaknesses
  • Potential for cliché romantic tropes
  • Risk of melodrama

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and sets up a compelling conflict. The intimate moments between Thérèse and Laurent are well-executed, creating a sense of tension and passion.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forbidden love and the exploration of complex family relationships are well-developed in this scene. The decision to pursue their desires despite the risks adds depth to the characters and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Thérèse and Laurent make a dramatic decision that will have significant consequences for their future. The scene sets up a compelling conflict between their desires and the expectations of society.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a complex and morally ambiguous relationship between Thérèse and Laurent, challenging traditional values and societal norms. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Thérèse and Laurent are portrayed with depth and complexity, showcasing their inner struggles and desires. Madame Raquin's overprotectiveness adds an additional layer of tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Thérèse and Laurent undergo significant changes as they make a bold decision to pursue their love despite the risks. Their relationship deepens, and they face the consequences of their actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to break free from her dependence on Madame Raquin and find her own happiness and fulfillment, as seen through her passionate relationship with Laurent.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to maintain her affair with Laurent without Madame Raquin finding out, as it challenges the societal norms and her dependence on her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Thérèse and Laurent's desires and the constraints of their society creates tension and drama in the scene. The emotional stakes are high, leading to a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with societal norms and moral values conflicting with the characters' desires and actions, creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Thérèse and Laurent risk everything for their forbidden love. The consequences of their actions could have far-reaching effects on their lives and the lives of those around them.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the relationship between Thérèse and Laurent and setting up future conflicts and consequences. It propels the narrative towards a crucial turning point.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of taboo relationships and moral conflicts, keeping the audience on edge about the characters' choices and consequences.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict lies in the societal norms and moral values that Thérèse and Laurent are challenging by engaging in an adulterous affair, contrasting with Madame Raquin's protective and traditional beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in the intimate moments between Thérèse and Laurent. The audience is drawn into their forbidden romance and feels the intensity of their connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters, especially in the intimate moments between Thérèse and Laurent. The interactions feel authentic and engaging.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intimate and passionate moments, moral dilemmas, and tension between the characters, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, transitioning between intimate moments and revealing dialogue to keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning between the intimate bedroom setting and the present-day cafe, effectively building tension and revealing backstory.


Critique
  • The emotional connection between Thérèse and Laurent is palpable, but the scene could benefit from more depth in their dialogue. While the lines express affection, they lack specificity about their feelings and the stakes of their relationship. Adding more nuanced dialogue could heighten the tension and emotional stakes.
  • The interruption by Madame Raquin feels somewhat abrupt. Consider building up the tension leading to her call, perhaps by having Thérèse and Laurent discuss the risks of their affair in more detail before the interruption. This would enhance the sense of urgency and danger surrounding their relationship.
  • Laurent's character comes across as somewhat passive in this scene. While he reassures Thérèse, he doesn't assert himself much beyond that. Adding a moment where he expresses his own fears or desires could create a more balanced dynamic between the two characters.
  • The presence of the cat, Francois, serves as a comedic element, but it could also symbolize Thérèse's entrapment or the ever-watchful eye of Madame Raquin. Exploring this duality could add layers to the scene, making the cat's appearance more meaningful.
  • The transition between the intimate moment and the present-day cafe feels a bit jarring. It might be more effective to create a smoother transition that connects the emotional weight of Thérèse and Laurent's relationship to the current discussion among Hana, Devon, and Suzanne.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more specific references to Thérèse and Laurent's feelings about their situation. This could involve them discussing their dreams, fears, or the consequences of their affair more explicitly.
  • Build tension before Madame Raquin's interruption by having Thérèse and Laurent discuss the risks involved in their relationship, which could create a more dramatic moment when they are interrupted.
  • Give Laurent a moment of vulnerability where he shares his own fears about their relationship, which could deepen the emotional connection between him and Thérèse.
  • Consider using the cat as a thematic symbol throughout the scene, perhaps by having Thérèse mention it in a way that reflects her feelings of being trapped or observed, enhancing the stakes.
  • Create a more fluid transition to the present-day cafe scene by incorporating a line or visual cue that connects Thérèse's emotional state to the discussion among the friends, perhaps by having them reflect on how her past influences their understanding of her character.



Scene 22 -  A Comedic Interruption
45 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - DAY
Laurent makes love to Thérèse. He is on top of her in a
missionary position but with his arms rigid and straight.
Laurent thrusts just his hips as Thérèse's head shakes with
each thrust, and she speaks in a breathy voice.
THÈRÈSE
We need to be together, forever.
57.

LAURENT
We will--
The cat suddenly jumps up on the headboard above Thérèse,
which is Laurent's eye level, causing him to jump off Thérèse
and slips onto the floor.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
That damm cat!
Thérèse looks at Laurent, then at Francois, and laughs
hysterically. Laurent grabs the cat, opens the door, and
throws the cat out of the room.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
That cat sees into my soul. It
gives me the creeps.
Laurent plops onto Camille's bed. Thérèse then gets on all
fours and starts arching her back like a cat.
THÈRÈSE
Meow.
Thérèse walks on all fours, wiggles her ass in the air, and
stops to lick her hand like a cat licks their paws.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Is the big man afraid of a little
ole cat?
Thérèse crawls on all fours up Laurent's body and has her
hands on his shoulders and her knees on his hip area. She
then licks his face like a cat from his chin to his forehead.
Laurent laughs, grabs her and throws her on her back, and
lies on top of her face to face.
LAURENT
Where did you get this animal
passion? Is this the Café
Cleopatre?
Thérèse laughs and playfully slaps Laurent on his cheeks.
THÈRÈSE
No, this is not the red-light
district of Montreal. All of Chloe
Esclair's sexual adventures are
burned into my brain and body.
LAURENT
Thank you again, Chloe Esclair.
58.

MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Thérèse, are you feeling any
better?
Laurent jumps out of bed and tries to get his clothes on in a
panic as they hear Madame's footsteps in the background.
Thérèse holds her stomach as she laughs at Laurent.
THÈRÈSE
I told the old bag I was sick and
needed to rest.
LAURENT
Shhh, she will hear you, hear us.
Damm.
Thérèse throws her hand down at Laurent's comment and yells
out to Madame Raquin.
THÈRÈSE
My headache is worse, Mother. I'm
sorry.
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
I have a cup of Mariage Frères
tea for you. This will make you
feel better.
Laurent shakes Thérèse's arm in panic and whispers to her.
LAURENT
She is coming in. She will catch
us.
THÈRÈSE
Get down between the beds.
Laurent curls up between the beds, and Thérèse covers him
with a blanket. She slides his clothes under the blanket, and
she lies back down on the bed, feinting her headache. The
door opens, and Madame Raquin enters with a cup of tea.
MADAME RAQUIN
Oh, my poor girl, you look
terrible. You are all flushed and
sweaty.
Thérèse takes the cup of tea from Madame and takes a sip.
Madame bends down to move the blanket on the floor that
Laurent is under. Thérèse chokes on her tea and then talks to
Madame in a soft feinting weak voice.
59.

THÈRÈSE
No, Mother, leave the blankets. I
will take care of it. Please, go
back down as I don't want you to
get sick too.
Madame stands back up and puts her hands together at her
chest.
MADAME RAQUIN
OK, but you stay up here and rest.
I will do the closing up of the
cafe for you today.
Madame kisses Thérèse on her forehead and tucks her in.
THÈRÈSE
Thank you, Mother. I know I will
feel better by dinner.
Madame nods and walks out of the room, and closes the door.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Scaredy cat, you can come out now.
Laurent slowly moves the blankets off of him and peeks out
both ways before rising. Thérèse pulls him down on the bed
and hugs him from behind.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
My big strong lover is afraid of
cats and old ladies.
Thérèse laughs, kisses Laurent, then hugs him tight.
LAURENT
Very funny. We have to keep our
love a secret until we make a plan
for our future.
THÈRÈSE
Let's just run away. As long as I
am with you, I don't care where we
go.
LAURENT
Let me think for the both of us.
Thérèse gives Laurent a long deep kiss.
60.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the Raquin apartment bedroom, Laurent and Thérèse share a passionate moment until a cat interrupts, prompting Laurent to hide under the bed as Thérèse pretends to be ill when her mother, Madame Raquin, enters. The scene is filled with playful banter and tension as they navigate their secret affair, culminating in a kiss and dreams of escaping together.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for cliché romantic tropes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends romance, humor, and tension, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a secret love affair between Thérèse and Laurent is well-executed, adding depth to their characters and the overall storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Thérèse and Laurent navigate their forbidden relationship, adding complexity and conflict to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and unconventional approach to depicting a forbidden love affair, with unique character interactions and dialogue that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Thérèse and Laurent's characters are well-developed, showcasing their desires, vulnerabilities, and the complexities of their relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse and Laurent's characters experience growth and transformation as they navigate their forbidden love affair.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to be with Laurent forever, reflecting her desire for love and escape from her current circumstances.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to keep their love a secret until they can make a plan for their future, reflecting the immediate challenge of their forbidden relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict between Thérèse and Laurent's love and the need to keep it hidden creates tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, represented by the need for secrecy and the presence of Madame Raquin, adds complexity and conflict to the protagonists' relationship.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of Thérèse and Laurent's secret love affair add tension and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Thérèse and Laurent and introducing new conflicts and challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor, tension, and twists in the characters' interactions and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the secrecy and deception in the protagonists' relationship, challenging their beliefs about love, loyalty, and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from passion to humor to tension, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, witty, and reveals the characters' emotions and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, sensuality, and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters' relationships and secrets.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotions and choices.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing clarity and readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and develops the characters' relationships and goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a mix of intimacy and humor, showcasing the playful dynamic between Thérèse and Laurent. However, the transition from a passionate moment to comedic relief with the cat feels abrupt and may disrupt the emotional flow. While humor can serve to lighten a tense moment, it's crucial to maintain the stakes of their secret relationship.
  • Thérèse's playful cat-like behavior is a creative way to express her sensuality, but it risks coming off as overly whimsical in the context of their serious situation. The juxtaposition of their passionate encounter with the comedic elements could be better balanced to maintain the tension of their clandestine affair.
  • The dialogue is engaging and reflects the characters' personalities well, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For example, Laurent's line about the cat seeing into his soul could be more concise to enhance its comedic effect without losing its essence.
  • The scene effectively builds tension with Madame Raquin's impending entrance, but the pacing could be improved. The moments of panic and humor feel rushed, which may lessen the audience's investment in the characters' predicament. More gradual buildup to Madame's arrival could heighten the suspense.
  • The use of physical comedy with Laurent hiding under the bed is a strong visual gag, but it may come off as too cartoonish given the gravity of their relationship. Finding a way to integrate humor without undermining the emotional stakes could enhance the scene's overall effectiveness.
Suggestions
  • Consider maintaining a more consistent tone throughout the scene. If humor is to be included, it should feel organic and not detract from the underlying tension of their secret relationship.
  • Explore ways to deepen the emotional connection during the intimate moments before the comedic interruption. This could involve more reflective dialogue that reveals their fears and desires, making the humor feel more like a natural release rather than a jarring shift.
  • Refine the dialogue to ensure it flows smoothly and aligns with the characters' emotional states. Shortening some of the lines could enhance their impact and keep the pacing brisk.
  • Develop the buildup to Madame Raquin's entrance by incorporating more subtle hints of tension. This could involve Thérèse and Laurent exchanging worried glances or more frantic gestures as they hear Madame approaching.
  • Consider incorporating the cat as a symbolic element rather than just a comedic device. This could add layers to the scene, reflecting the characters' fears or the scrutiny they feel under the watchful eye of Madame Raquin.



Scene 23 -  Beneath the Surface
46 EXT. BENCH OUTSIDE PALAIS DE JUSTICE DE MONTRÉAL - DAY
The next day, Camille and Laurent sit on a bench with the
Montreal Courthouse in the background.
CAMILLE
Where do you go every afternoon
during our break time?
LAURENT
It's a secret. I can't tell anyone.
Camille puts his sandwich down as he is excited and gets
closer to Laurent.
CAMILLE
You can tell me. I am your best
friend.
LAURENT
You have to promise not to tell
anyone.
Camille puts his hand on his heart and raises the other hand
palm out.
CAMILLE
I swear.
LAURENT
I am looking for a new art studio.
CAMILLE
Why is that a secret?
LAURENT
Because I am doing it on company
time, and I plan on quitting soon.
CAMILLE
What? Why would you quit?
LAURENT
This job takes away from my passion
for painting.
CAMILLE
Is there anything I can do to help?
LAURENT
Yes, help me cover when I leave.
Tell them I am seeing a doctor or
something. Just be vague and
concerned.
61.

CAMILLE
You got it. I will create any
excuse you need to take your long
afternoon breaks to fulfill your
passion.
Laurent shakes his hand vigorously with a big smile.
LAURENT
I can't tell you how this
assistance will aid me in my
passion.
CAMILLE
You know you can count on me. One
night this week you have to come
for dinner. Mother is asking for
you.
LAURENT
How about Thérèse?
CAMILLE
She never mentions you, but don't
worry, as she has minimal reactions
to life.
Laurent turns his head and muffles his laugh with his hand,
so Camille doesn't hear him.

47 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - LATER - DAY
Laurent pushes Thérèse against the door as they have sex in a
standing position. They are nose to nose as Laurent thrusts
his hips into her as she moans with each thrust.
LAURENT
You have to thank Camille for
today's fuck.
THÈRÈSE
What?
LAURENT
He is covering for me at work.
THÈRÈSE
Oh my, God. He is so naive and such
an idiot.
LAURENT
We need him out of the picture.
62.

THÈRÈSE
Yes, we do.
LAURENT
But we want all of his money too.
THÈRÈSE
The only way we get his and
Madame's riches is if Camille dies.
LAURENT
With all of that money, I could
quit work, paint, and we could live
as a married couple.
THÈRÈSE
I dream about that every day.
Laurent thrusts several times harder in excitement.
LAURENT
Accidents happen.
THÈRÈSE
People die every day.
LAURENT
We can make this happen.
THÈRÈSE
Kill him?
LAURENT
Make an accident happen to him.
Laurent thrusts with his hips, and Thérèse responds a yes to
every thrust.
THÈRÈSE
Yes, let's do it.
LAURENT
I will plan it out.
Thérèse moans loudly. Then there is a knock on the door.
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Thérèse are you OK?
THÈRÈSE
Yes, Mother, it is just my monthly
cramps.
63.

MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
I just wanted to remind you that it
is dominoes night.
Thérèse waves her finger in the air and mouths the word
whoopee.
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Also, did you know Laurent will be
coming?
Thérèse bites her lip, not to laugh as Laurent buries his
head on her shoulder.
THÈRÈSE
Oh, yes, he is coming soon, Mother.
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
What was that?
Thérèse covers Laurent's mouth as Laurent's face distorts as
he orgasms.
THÈRÈSE
Laurent is coming!
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Glad that you know, so don't play
around too long.
THÈRÈSE
No, Mother, I will be back down
soon to help out.
Madame walks away as Thérèse and Camille fall on the bed
together and laugh hysterically.
LAURENT
I don't believe how well you
handled that. I never had sex with
another person six inches away on
the other side of the door.
THÈRÈSE
It was hot in a dirty secret way. I
wanted her to see us.
LAURENT
Stop. We have to be careful. You
have to be cold to me in front of
the others.
64.

THÈRÈSE
You're right. No hints to anyone.
But what will we do about Madame
after Camille is out of the
picture?
LAURENT
Don't worry about Madame as I have
her wrapped around my finger.
Laurent puts his index finger in the air, and Thérèse grabs
it and sucks it sexually.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense scene, Camille supports Laurent's artistic ambitions, agreeing to cover for him at work, unaware of his darker intentions. The mood shifts dramatically as Laurent and Thérèse plot Camille's murder in the Raquin apartment, excitedly discussing how to make it look like an accident to inherit his wealth. The contrast between Camille's loyalty and the conspiratorial bond between Laurent and Thérèse highlights the impending danger, ending with their sinister laughter after a secretive encounter.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Intense dialogue
  • Suspenseful plot
Weaknesses
  • Moral ambiguity
  • Deceptive behavior

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and intense, with a mix of passion, deception, and suspense that keeps the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a forbidden affair intertwined with a sinister plot to eliminate a character for financial gain is intriguing and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens as the characters reveal their true intentions and the stakes are raised with the plan to eliminate Camille for financial gain.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on moral dilemmas and personal desires, with characters engaging in morally questionable actions while maintaining personal relationships. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and multi-dimensional, with hidden agendas and conflicting emotions driving their actions.

Character Changes: 8

Thérèse and Laurent's relationship evolves as they make plans to eliminate Camille, showcasing a shift in their characters' motivations and desires.

Internal Goal: 8

Laurent's internal goal is to pursue his passion for painting, which is being hindered by his job. This reflects his deeper need for creative fulfillment and his fear of being stuck in a job that doesn't align with his true desires.

External Goal: 7

Laurent's external goal is to cover his tracks at work while pursuing his art studio and planning to quit his job. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his personal passion with his professional obligations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters' desires and the consequences of their actions creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing moral dilemmas and conflicting desires. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will navigate these challenges, adding suspense to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters plot to eliminate Camille and secure their financial future, risking everything in the process.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major plot development that will have significant consequences for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' conflicting motivations and the moral ambiguity of their actions. The audience is left unsure of how the characters' choices will impact the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' moral choices and the consequences of their actions. Laurent and Thérèse discuss the possibility of harming Camille for financial gain, highlighting the clash between personal desires and ethical boundaries.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from passion to deceit, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, revealing the characters' true motivations and adding tension to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of personal relationships, moral dilemmas, and dark humor. The tension between the characters' desires and actions keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of intimate moments and plot development. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven drama, with a clear focus on the characters' internal and external goals. The dialogue and actions contribute to the development of the plot and themes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Laurent and Thérèse as they plot against Camille, showcasing their passionate yet morally questionable relationship. However, the dialogue can come across as overly explicit and lacks subtlety, which may detract from the emotional weight of their actions. The juxtaposition of their intimate moment with the plotting feels jarring, and a more nuanced approach could enhance the dramatic irony.
  • While the dialogue is meant to sound playful and conspiratorial, some lines feel forced and unrealistic, particularly the way they discuss Camille's potential death. This could be perceived as lacking genuine emotional depth. The characters' motivations could be explored further to help the audience understand why they are willing to go to such extremes.
  • The comedic elements introduced by Madame Raquin's interruption provide some levity, but they risk undermining the gravity of the situation. The transition from a serious conversation about murder to a comedic moment can feel abrupt. A more balanced tone would maintain the tension while still allowing for character humor.
  • The physicality of the scene is emphasized through the sexual encounter, but it may overshadow the psychological aspects of their relationship. Focusing on their emotional connection and the implications of their actions could provide a richer experience for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly with the rapid shifts between the intimate encounter and the plotting. This can lead to confusion about the characters' priorities and emotional states. A more gradual build-up to the climax of their conversation could enhance the overall impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider dialing back the explicitness of the dialogue and instead focus on subtext and innuendo to convey their desires and intentions. This could create a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Explore the characters' motivations in greater depth. Allow Thérèse and Laurent to express their fears and desires more clearly, which would add complexity to their decision-making process regarding Camille.
  • Integrate the comedic elements more seamlessly into the scene. Perhaps have Madame Raquin's interruption serve as a moment of tension rather than comic relief, enhancing the stakes of the situation.
  • Balance the physical intimacy with emotional connection by including moments of vulnerability or doubt between Thérèse and Laurent. This could help the audience empathize with their plight while still recognizing the moral implications of their plans.
  • Revise the pacing to allow for moments of reflection between the intimate actions and the plotting. This could involve slowing down the dialogue to explore the characters' thoughts and feelings, creating a more cohesive and impactful scene.



Scene 24 -  A Tense Celebration
48 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - LATER - NIGHT
Laurent, Camille, Oliver, and Suzanne sit at the table, drink
coffee in conversation. Old Michaud and Madame Raquin stand
in the background as they whisper to each other. Grivet walks
to the table and sits with the dominoes box.
MADAME RAQUIN
I have an announcement. I need
everyone's attention.
Madame and Old Michaud walk to the head of the table.
MADAME RAQUIN (CONT'D)
Where's Thérèse?
SUZANNE
She is in the kitchen.
OLIVER
I don't think she likes our
company.
Suzanne gives Oliver an elbow to the ribs.
CAMILLE
Thérèse, get your mopey butt out
here.
GRIVET
Cut her some slack. She works hard.
Thérèse slowly walks in with a dishtowel in her hand that she
throws over her shoulder.
MADAME RAQUIN
With Old Michaud's sage advice, I
am presenting this check to
Laurent. A donation to your future
studio.
65.

Laurent jumps up in surprise as everyone claps except
Thérèse.
LAURENT
Madame, I am speechless.
Madame gives Laurent the check. He looks at it and hugs her
tightly.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
Twenty-five thousand dollars!
MADAME RAQUIN
With one condition.
LAURENT
Anything.
MADAME RAQUIN
You must call me Mother.
Laurent kisses her on the head and winks to Thérèse in a way
that no one sees the wink. Thérèse does a golf clap as she
raises her clapping hands in front of her face.
LAURENT
Mother, the next portrait will be
of you.
MICHAUD
Now, that is something I want to
see.
GRIVET
Where is your portrait hanging,
Camille?
CAMILLE
In my bedroom, because Thérèse
can't take her eyes off of me.
Everyone chuckles at Camille's remark.
LAURENT
This Sunday, I want to take Madame,
I mean Mother, Camille, and
Thérèse, to Nun's Island for dinner
and a relaxing canoe ride.
CAMILLE
That sounds awesome.
66.

LAURENT
It is my way to say thanks for this
family adopting me in this way.
MADAME RAQUIN
I am much too old.
LAURENT
No, you are young and vibrant.
MADAME RAQUIN
Oh, Laurent, you are too kind. No,
no, you take Camille and Thérèse as
they could use an afternoon in the
sun.
LAURENT
Camille, Thérèse, the three of us
this Sunday?
CAMILLE
Yes, without a doubt, right
Thérèse?
THÈRÈSE
I could use the fresh air.
LAURENT
Fantastic! Camille, Thérèse, and
me, the three musketeers on the
banks of the St. Lawrence River.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Family"]

Summary In the Thérèse Raquin Cafe, Madame Raquin surprises Laurent with a $25,000 donation for his future studio, prompting gratitude and excitement from him. While the group engages in playful banter about portraits and a canoe ride, Thérèse enters reluctantly, showing disinterest and a desire for fresh air, highlighting her ambivalence. The scene captures the contrast between the celebratory atmosphere and Thérèse's discontent, ending with Laurent's hopeful plans to include her in future outings.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the theme of family bonds and generosity, with engaging dialogue and humorous moments that keep the audience entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of family dynamics and generosity is well-executed in the scene, providing depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Madame Raquin makes a generous donation to Laurent, setting up future events and character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on family dynamics and relationships, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel genuine and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions hint at potential developments in future events.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the complex dynamics within the family and establish his place within it. This reflects his desire for acceptance and belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to express gratitude and appreciation towards the family for their support. This reflects his immediate circumstances of receiving a donation for his future studio.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is a low level of conflict in the scene, with minor tensions and humorous banter among the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on familial dynamics and light-hearted interactions.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the relationships between the characters and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the subtle conflicts and tensions between characters, keeping the audience guessing about their motivations and intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of family, acceptance, and identity. The protagonist's desire for belonging clashes with Thérèse's apparent detachment and disinterest.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and joy, with moments of humor and generosity that resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, humorous, and reveals the relationships between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, character dynamics, and underlying tension that keeps the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a good balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a central conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses humor and light-hearted banter to contrast the underlying tension in Thérèse and Laurent's relationship. However, the juxtaposition of the celebration and Thérèse's lack of enthusiasm could be explored further to enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Thérèse's entrance and her 'golf clap' is a clever visual cue that conveys her discontent without needing explicit dialogue. This subtlety is commendable, but it could be strengthened by adding a line or two that reflects her internal conflict or feelings about Laurent's newfound familial acceptance.
  • Madame Raquin's announcement serves as a pivotal moment, but the scene could benefit from a stronger emotional reaction from Thérèse to highlight her jealousy or resentment towards Laurent's relationship with her mother. This would deepen the audience's understanding of her character and the stakes involved.
  • The dialogue flows well and captures the characters' dynamics, but it lacks tension. Given the context of the previous scene where Laurent and Thérèse plot against Camille, the light-heartedness feels somewhat misplaced. There should be an undercurrent of anxiety or foreboding that hints at the darker intentions of Laurent and Thérèse.
  • The scene introduces a new plot point with the canoe ride, which could be foreshadowed more effectively. Perhaps a brief moment of hesitation or reluctance from Thérèse could hint at her internal struggle with the outing, adding layers to her character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Thérèse's internal thoughts are voiced, either through a brief monologue or a voiceover, to clarify her feelings about Laurent's acceptance into the family and the implications of the donation.
  • Introduce a subtle tension during the celebration, such as a lingering glance between Thérèse and Laurent that suggests their complicity in a darker plan. This could serve as a reminder of their secret and the stakes at play.
  • Enhance Thérèse's character by incorporating a line that expresses her discomfort or skepticism about Laurent's motivations, which would provide a more complex emotional landscape.
  • Use physical actions to convey Thérèse's emotions more vividly. For instance, she could fidget or avoid eye contact with Laurent during the celebration, creating a visual representation of her internal conflict.
  • Foreshadow the canoe ride more explicitly by having Thérèse react to the idea with a moment of hesitation, perhaps recalling a past experience that makes her uneasy about the outing, thus building suspense.



Scene 25 -  A Warm Sunday Adventure
49 EXT. NUN'S ISLAND - SUNDAY - DAY
Camille, Thérèse, and Laurent walk along a path in the park.
Camille wears grey dress pants and a white dress shirt.
Thérèse wears a sundress with daisies on it and a straw sun
hat. Laurent is in golf shorts, shirt, and sneakers.
Laurent walks behind Thérèse and studies her butt as it sways
back and forth. Camille fans himself as he sweats on this
warm day. The threesome approach a park bench.
CAMILLE
Can we sit for a minute? I need to
rest.
LAURENT
Sure, sit, get yourself
rejuvenated.
Camille and Thérèse sit on the bench as Laurent paces around
and checks the area in all directions.
67.

Camille falls asleep immediately. Laurent walks behind
Camille and puts his hands inches from his throat to choke
him.
THÈRÈSE
(whispers)
No, Laurent, not like that.
Laurent draws his hands back and turns away quickly. Thérèse
exhales in relief. Laurent gets close to Thérèse's ear away
from Camille.
LAURENT
(whispers)
You must be ready today and follow
my lead. Are you with me?
Thérèse reaches up and pats Laurent on the cheek without
turning toward him.
THÈRÈSE
(whispers)
We are in this together, my love.

50 EXT. BOAT RENTAL PIER AT NUN'S ISLAND - LATER - DAY
Laurent leads Camille and Thérèse onto the pier. There are
boats, canoes, and kayaks for rent.
LAURENT
Let's rent a canoe. I will pay and
row.
THÈRÈSE
I don't know.
CAMILLE
Don't be a baby, Thérèse. A canoe
it is.
Laurent goes to pay for the rental. Camille turns to Thérèse.
CAMILLE (CONT'D)
Be nicer to Laurent. You are going
to see a lot more of him now.
Thérèse tightens her lips together and shakes her head back
and forth.
THÈRÈSE
OK, if I must.
68.

CAMILLE
This canoe ride will be romantic
for us. I want to do more things
with you as you deserve a queen's
treatment.
THÈRÈSE
Oh, Camille, you never said
anything like that before.
Camille gives Thérèse an awkward peck of a kiss on her cheek
as Laurent returns.
LAURENT
OK, you two love birds. Let's get
in canoe number five.
The three of them walk over to canoe number five. Laurent
holds the canoe steady for Camille to get on.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
First, you, Camille.
Camille gets on and is a little off balance but steadies
himself and quickly sits. Laurent then takes Thérèse's hand,
leads her to the pier's end, and whispers in her ear.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
(whispers)
We are doing this. Be strong and
smart.
Laurent tries to guide Thérèse onto the canoe, but she stops
and doesn't get on.
CAMILLE
Come on, Thérèse. Get on the canoe.
What are you scared of? I don't get
you.
Thérèse takes a deep breath, looks at Laurent, gets in the
canoe, and sits at the end opposite Camille's end. Laurent
then jumps in, pushes the canoe away from the pier, sits in
the middle of the canoe, and starts to row away.
LAURENT
We are off on our adventure.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary On a warm Sunday afternoon, Camille, Thérèse, and Laurent stroll through a park on Nun's Island. Camille falls asleep on a bench, while Laurent playfully pretends to choke him, only to be stopped by Thérèse, who reassures him of their bond. At a boat rental pier, Laurent suggests they rent a canoe. Thérèse hesitates but, encouraged by Camille, ultimately joins them. The scene concludes with Laurent confidently rowing them away from the pier, marking the beginning of their adventure.
Strengths
  • Effective blending of romance and suspense
  • Intriguing character dynamics
  • Well-paced plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends romance, tension, and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a seemingly normal canoe ride masking a darker plot adds depth and complexity to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Thérèse and Laurent's plan to eliminate Camille unfolds during the seemingly innocent canoe ride.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on love triangles and complex relationships, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the characters' motivations and emotions.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' motivations and dynamics are well-developed, especially Thérèse and Laurent's complex relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse and Laurent's characters undergo subtle shifts as their plan to eliminate Camille progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to navigate her complicated feelings for both Camille and Laurent. She struggles with loyalty, desire, and fear of the consequences of her actions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain the facade of a normal outing with her husband and lover while navigating their complex relationship dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters' hidden intentions and their outward actions creates a palpable tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs, values, and relationships.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of betrayal, murder, and deception heighten the tension and suspense in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing the characters' true intentions and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' hidden motivations, unspoken desires, and unexpected actions that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around loyalty, desire, and the consequences of deception. Thérèse must navigate her conflicting values and beliefs to make decisions that will impact her relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from passion to anxiety, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, romance, and the characters' hidden agendas.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its complex character dynamics, subtle tension, and emotional depth. The audience is drawn into the characters' internal struggles and external conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and suspense, allowing the audience to feel the characters' emotional turmoil and conflicting desires.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven drama, with clear character goals, conflicts, and resolutions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up a contrast between the playful interactions among the characters and the underlying tension of Thérèse and Laurent's dark intentions. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the complexity of their relationships, especially in light of their conspiracy against Camille. The dialogue feels somewhat surface-level and could benefit from deeper subtext.
  • Camille's characterization as oblivious and somewhat naive is clear, but the scene could enhance the audience's empathy for him. Providing more insight into his feelings or motivations, perhaps through internal monologue or reflective dialogue, would create a more balanced portrayal and heighten the stakes of the ensuing events.
  • The physical actions in the scene, particularly Laurent's playful choking gesture, are effective in creating tension, but they could be better foreshadowed. It might help to establish Laurent's darker intentions more explicitly earlier in the scene, perhaps through his internal thoughts or a more sinister tone in his whispers to Thérèse.
  • Thérèse's reluctance to get into the canoe is a good moment of tension, but it feels rushed. Expanding on her internal conflict about participating in the canoe ride would add depth to her character. This could involve her hesitations reflecting her moral dilemmas about their plan against Camille.
  • The transition between the park and the boat rental pier is somewhat abrupt. Adding a moment of reflection or dialogue that bridges these two settings could enhance the flow of the scene and maintain the audience's engagement.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, particularly in the exchanges between Thérèse, Laurent, and Camille. This could involve hints at their true feelings or motivations that aren't explicitly stated, creating a richer narrative.
  • Introduce a moment where Camille expresses his excitement or hopes for the future, which could make his eventual fate more poignant. This would help the audience connect with him on a deeper level.
  • Foreshadow Laurent's darker intentions by incorporating more internal conflict or sinister undertones in his dialogue. This could involve him reflecting on the plan in a more explicit manner, perhaps revealing his excitement or anxiety about the potential outcome.
  • Expand Thérèse's internal conflict regarding the canoe ride. Allow her to express her fears or doubts more clearly, which would enhance the tension and make her eventual decision to join Laurent and Camille more impactful.
  • Create a smoother transition between the park and the boat rental pier by including a brief moment of reflection or a conversation that highlights the characters' shifting dynamics and the impending adventure.



Scene 26 -  Capsized Consequences
51 EXT. ST. LAWRENCE RIVER - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Laurent rows the canoe down the river. He looks both ways as
the river gets less populated with boaters.
69.

The canoe goes past one meander, and there is no one in
sight. Laurent doesn't paddle anymore.
LAURENT
I challenge you, Camille, to stand
up in the canoe.
CAMILLE
What? Stand up?
LAURENT
Yes, do you have any balance, or
are you chicken?
CAMILLE
I'm not chicken.
THÈRÈSE
You don't have to do it.
Laurent gives a stern look at Thérèse as Camille studders his
response.
CAMILLE
I-I-I will do it.
Camille stands as about 100 yards away a rowboat appears.
Laurent teasingly gently rocks the canoe causing Camille to
adjust his balance.
CAMILLE (CONT'D)
No problem.
Laurent then stands up and grabs Camille around the neck, and
chokes him.
LAURENT
You are going in the water, and you
are fucking going to die today.
Camille beats on Laurent's arms, but Laurent overpowers him.
Thérèse covers her eyes with both hands. Camille lunges at
Laurent's neck with his mouth and bites him on his lower
throat area, which causes Laurent to scream.
CAMILLE
Thérèse!
Laurent pulls Camille off his throat, which has blood running
down it. Laurent then capsizes the boat, and all three go
into the river. Thérèse screams for help. Laurent pushes
Camille underwater and swims over to save Thérèse.
70.

CAMILLE (CONT'D)
(gulping with water)
Thérèse help me.
Laurent grabs Thérèse and swims over to the capsized canoe,
and holds on with his other hand. Camille sinks into the
water. Laurent starts to yell for help.
LAURENT
Help! Help! People are drowning!
The rowboat of young college kids comes rowing to the canoe
as they saw it capsize from a distance. They grab Thérèse
onto the boat and then Laurent.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
Where's Camille? Camille!
UNKNOWN ROWER
Who's Camille?
LAURENT
My best friend. He's still out
there!
Laurent dives back into the water and looks for Camille. The
college kids jump in after him and pull a fighting Laurent
back into the boat. Laurent yells in despair as Thérèse is in
shock and trembles in the fetal position in the boat.

52 EXT. MONTREAL POLICE STATION - LATER - DAY
Michaud, Oliver, and Laurent walk out of the Service de
police de la Ville de Montréal. Laurent has a bandage on the
front of his neck from Camille's bite. The three come down
the stairs and stop to talk by Oliver's car.
MICHAUD
Thérèse went to the hospital as she
is still in shock. They will keep
her overnight.
LAURENT
Poor girl. I saved her first as I
thought Camille could--
MICHAUD
Stop, you are a hero as you saved
Thérèse's life. Neither one of them
ever learned to swim. Their Mother
was too protective.
71.

OLIVER
I talked to the officers, and they
are ruling it an accidental death.
LAURENT
Of course, it was an accident.
MICHAUD
Relax, Laurent, just standard
procedure.
OLIVER
The officers told me the college
guys who fished you out of the
water corroborate your events
sequence.
LAURENT
They saw us?
OLIVER
Yes, they saw Camille standing and
you trying to get him to sit, which
caused the canoe to capsize.
MICHAUD
They said you saved Thérèse, and
they had to stop you from going
back in to save Camille.
OLIVER
You are a hero.
LAURENT
Did they find Camille's body?
MICHAUD
No, the river is deep at that
point, and the current, though
slow, still may have taken him a
mile away by now.
OLIVER
You have to figure about 48 to 72
hours before he will surface.
LAURENT
I will go to the morgue to identify
the body when they find him. I
don't want Madame Raquin or Thérèse
to see him like that.
72.

MICHAUD
Are you sure as drowned bodies
change dramatically?
LAURENT
As an art student, we used to go to
the morgue to study how to draw the
human body.
MICHAUD
Oliver and I will go directly to
Madame Raquin to tell her the
tragic news in person.
OLIVER
It is better that you are not there
when she finds out. My wife will be
there with us to assist her as it
will be a traumatic shock.
LAURENT
I will go to the hospital and check
on Thérèse. Tell Madame I am
staying with Thérèse.
MICHAUD
Come, get in the car. We will drop
you off as the hospital is on our
way.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Laurent, Camille, and Thérèse enjoy a canoe trip on the St. Lawrence River, but a playful challenge from Laurent leads to a dangerous struggle that capsizes the canoe. Thérèse screams for help as Laurent attempts to save her while Camille goes underwater and disappears. College students rescue Laurent and Thérèse, but Camille remains missing. At the police station, Laurent learns that Camille's body has not yet been found and vows to identify it when discovered.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potentially graphic content
  • Emotional distress for characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and pivotal to the plot, making it highly engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a deadly accident during a seemingly innocent canoe trip adds depth to the story and showcases the characters' complex relationships.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a dramatic turn with the unexpected death of a character, creating tension and driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and unexpected turn of events, with the peaceful canoeing trip quickly escalating into a life-threatening situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the escalating tension and drama.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' actions and reactions in this scene reveal their true nature and motivations, leading to significant development.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes as a result of the tragic event, shaping their future actions and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Laurent's internal goal in this scene is to assert dominance and control over his friend Camille, showcasing his darker and more aggressive side. This reflects Laurent's need for power and superiority, as well as his underlying fears and insecurities.

External Goal: 7

Laurent's external goal is to challenge Camille to stand up in the canoe, which reflects his desire for excitement and thrill-seeking behavior. The immediate challenge he faces is to maintain control over the situation and assert his dominance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict reaches a peak with the tragic event, creating a sense of urgency and emotional turmoil.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with a life-threatening situation that challenges the characters' beliefs, values, and relationships. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the suspense and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high with the loss of a character and the emotional aftermath, raising the tension and impact of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major plot twist and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift from a leisurely canoeing trip to a life-threatening situation. The unexpected actions of the characters and the escalating conflict add to the unpredictability of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of power, control, and morality. Laurent's aggressive actions challenge the values of friendship, trust, and empathy, highlighting the darker aspects of human nature.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions in the characters and the audience, leaving a lasting impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and escalating the tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense conflict, dramatic dialogue, and unexpected plot twists. The escalating tension and high stakes keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of conflict. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with a buildup of tension, a climax of conflict, and a resolution that sets up future events. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the escalating drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and a sense of foreboding through the playful interactions between Laurent, Camille, and Thérèse, which later devolve into chaos. However, the transition from playful banter to violent struggle feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer buildup to heighten the tension before the canoe capsizes.
  • Laurent's character takes a dark turn in this scene, but the motivation behind his actions—especially the choking of Camille—could be better established. Providing more context for Laurent's mindset and his relationship with Camille would help the audience understand the gravity of his actions.
  • Thérèse's reaction to the chaos is visually impactful, but her emotional response could be more deeply explored. Instead of simply covering her eyes, consider showing her internal conflict and fear more explicitly, which would enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The dialogue in the scene is functional but lacks subtext. For example, Laurent's challenge to Camille to stand up could be imbued with more tension or a sense of impending danger. Consider using dialogue that hints at Laurent's darker intentions without making them overt, which would create a more suspenseful atmosphere.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved. The rapid shift from the canoe capsizing to Laurent's frantic calls for help feels rushed. Slowing down the moment of chaos could amplify the emotional impact and give the audience time to process the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Introduce subtle foreshadowing earlier in the scene to hint at Laurent's darker intentions. This could be through his dialogue or body language, creating a sense of unease in the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment where Laurent reflects on his actions before the struggle escalates, allowing viewers to understand his motivations and internal conflict better.
  • Enhance Thérèse's emotional response by showing her fear and helplessness more vividly. This could be done through internal monologue or more expressive body language.
  • Revise the dialogue to incorporate more tension and subtext. For instance, Laurent could use more sarcastic or menacing tones when challenging Camille, hinting at the danger to come.
  • Adjust the pacing of the scene to allow for a more gradual build-up to the chaos. This could involve lingering on the moment before the canoe capsizes, emphasizing the tension in the air.



Scene 27 -  Shadows of Regret
53 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT
Thérèse lies in a hospital bed staring with a catatonic stare
at the ceiling. Laurent has a bandage on his lower front neck
where Camille bit him. He sits at her side and holds her
hand. Thérèse speaks in a cold, deliberate tone.
THÈRÈSE
What have we done?
LAURENT
We did what we needed to do to be
together.
Thérèse sits up abruptly and stares at Laurent.
THÈRÈSE
We could have run away. We didn't
have to kill him!
Laurent puts his hands on her shoulders and lowers her back
to a lying position.
73.

LAURENT
Shhhh, quiet, you must not speak
those words out loud, ever.
THÈRÈSE
He was a sweet, harmless little
man.
LAURENT
Don't forget that Camille treated
you like shit and had you trapped
like a rat.
Thérèse turns her head away from Laurent.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
We can be together now. We just
have to give it some time, so no
one gets suspicious.
THÈRÈSE
Did you do this for me or the
money?
Laurent softly grabs her chin and slowly turns her face to
him.
LAURENT
I did this for you, for us. The
money is to give us the future we
always dreamed about.
Laurent softly kisses Thérèse on the lips.
THÈRÈSE
How is Mother?
Tears start to run down Thérèse's cheek.
LAURENT
Michaud, Oliver, Suzanne, and
Grivet are all with her. She is in
shock, of course.
THÈRÈSE
Poor Mother.
LAURENT
I will go to her later and take
care of her needs. But remember,
she treated you like the stepmother
in Cinderella.
74.

THÈRÈSE
Do you have no heart?
LAURENT
My love for you blinds my thinking,
but I see what those two did to
your life, my dear.
THÈRÈSE
I know, I know, I just need some
sleep.
Laurent gives Thérèse a soft but long kiss this time. As
Laurent pulls back, Thérèse notices his bandage on his neck
and puts her hand on it. Her hand's touch causes Laurent to
jolt up away from Thérèse.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Are you hurt?
Laurent covers the bandage on his neck with his hand.
LAURENT
No, no, it's nothing, just a cut.
It was from the canoe, the canoe.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit hospital room, Thérèse lies in bed, grappling with guilt over Camille's murder while Laurent, nursing a neck injury, tries to comfort her. Their conversation reveals Thérèse's emotional turmoil and regret, as she questions Laurent's motives for their actions. Despite Laurent's attempts to reassure her about their future and her mother's well-being, the tension between them remains palpable, underscoring their conflicting emotional responses. The scene concludes with Thérèse's concern for Laurent's injury, which he downplays, leaving their unresolved conflict hanging in the air.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • High level of conflict
Weaknesses
  • Potential for melodrama
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally charged, with intense dialogue and a high level of conflict that keeps the audience engaged. The exploration of love, guilt, and betrayal adds depth to the characters and storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of love leading to betrayal and murder is a compelling and thought-provoking theme that drives the scene forward. The moral ambiguity and emotional complexity of the characters enhance the overall impact of the concept.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping and filled with tension as the characters grapple with the consequences of their actions. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8.5

The scene presents a fresh take on themes of love, betrayal, and sacrifice, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the story's context.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotions feel authentic and raw. Thérèse and Laurent's internal struggles and conflicting motivations add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Thérèse and Laurent undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with the consequences of their actions and the depth of their feelings for each other.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to come to terms with the consequences of their actions and reconcile her feelings of guilt and regret with her desire to be with Laurent.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain their secret and ensure they are not caught for their crime.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, both internally within the characters and externally in the aftermath of the murder. The tension between Thérèse and Laurent adds to the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Thérèse and Laurent facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Thérèse and Laurent face the repercussions of their actions, including the emotional toll and the risk of being discovered. The future of their relationship hangs in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing the aftermath of the murder and the emotional turmoil faced by the characters. It sets the stage for further developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the morality of their actions and the justification of murder for love. Thérèse struggles with the idea of killing Camille, while Laurent justifies it as necessary for their happiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly feelings of guilt, love, and regret. The raw and vulnerable moments between Thérèse and Laurent resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and emotionally charged, revealing the inner turmoil of the characters. It effectively conveys the complex emotions and moral dilemmas faced by Thérèse and Laurent.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, moral dilemmas, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The emotional conflict between Thérèse and Laurent is palpable, but the dialogue sometimes feels expository rather than organic. For instance, Thérèse's line 'What have we done?' could be more impactful if it were delivered with more raw emotion or a specific memory of Camille, rather than as a general statement.
  • Laurent's character comes across as manipulative, yet his motivations could be more clearly defined. The line 'I did this for you, for us' feels somewhat generic and could benefit from a more personal touch that reflects their specific dreams or desires as a couple.
  • Thérèse's emotional state transitions from catatonic to agitated, but the pacing of these shifts could be more gradual to enhance the tension. The abruptness of her sitting up and confronting Laurent feels a bit jarring and could be smoothed out for better flow.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the emotional weight. Describing Thérèse's physical state in more detail (e.g., her pale complexion, trembling hands) could help convey her internal turmoil and further immerse the audience in her experience.
  • The dialogue occasionally leans towards melodrama, especially in lines like 'He was a sweet, harmless little man.' This could be rephrased to sound more authentic to Thérèse's character, perhaps by focusing on a specific memory or moment that highlights her conflicted feelings.
  • The ending, where Laurent covers his bandage and attributes it to the canoe incident, feels a bit forced and may come off as a weak excuse. This could be an opportunity to deepen the tension between the characters, perhaps by Laurent hesitating before answering or showing more physical discomfort.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing characters to hint at their true feelings and motivations without explicitly stating them. This can create a more nuanced interaction.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or gestures that reflect the characters' emotional states. For example, Thérèse could fidget or avoid eye contact to show her discomfort, while Laurent could exhibit signs of anxiety or guilt.
  • Explore Thérèse's emotional journey more deeply by showing her internal conflict through flashbacks or brief recollections of Camille, which can provide context to her current feelings and enhance the audience's understanding of her turmoil.
  • Enhance the atmosphere of the hospital room to reflect the emotional intensity of the scene. Descriptive elements like the sterile environment, the beeping of machines, or the dim lighting can create a more immersive experience.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less like exposition. Consider using interruptions or overlapping dialogue to reflect heightened emotions and create a more dynamic exchange.



Scene 28 -  Confronting Loss
54 INT. COURTHOUSE OFFICES - THREE DAYS LATER - DAY
Laurent sits at his desk at work with a group of four
colleagues who stand around his desk.
UNKNOWN FEMALE
Good to see you back at work. If
you need more than two days off,
please take it.
LAURENT
Thanks, but I need to come to work
as I was going crazy at home.
UNKNOWN CLERK
So sorry for the loss of your
friend, Camille.
LAURENT
Thank you all for your support.
UNKNOWN FEMALE
I saw the news report, and you are
a hero for saving his wife.
Laurent tilts his head with a closed-mouth smile at that
remark.
75.

LAURENT
Thank you, I don't feel like a
hero.
The colleagues pat him on the back to reinsure him that he is
a hero. Then Laurent's phone buzzes, and he checks his phone.
The phone screen reads: Service de police de la Ville de
Montreal.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
Excuse me. I have to take this
call.
Laurent's colleagues walk away from his desk as he answers
the call.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
(on phone)
I will be right there.

55 INT. MONTREAL CITY MORGUE - LATER - DAY
Laurent stands with a police officer in front of a large
glass window covered with a large shade from the other side.
POLICE OFFICER
Are you ready?
Laurent takes a deep breath.
LAURENT
Yes.
POLICE OFFICER
Remember, your friend is bloated
from the time in the water.
Laurent nods his head. The police officer taps on the glass
three times and the shade slowly rises. Laurent squeezes his
hands in front of him, making his knuckles white as the shade
slowly rises.
The shade reveals a body lying on a metal table covered with
a sheet. A person in scrubs and a face mask then slowly
removes the top of the sheet to the corpse's chest.
Camille's thin, malnourished face is bloated and hardly looks
like him as his eyes are also gone. His body is blue. Pieces
of skin have peeled off of him, giving him a blotchy creepy
look. His arm slides out, and his hand is gone.
Laurent puts his hands on the side of his face with just his
fingertips pressing into him as he stares at the body.
76.

POLICE OFFICER (CONT'D)
Is this Camille Raquin?
LAURENT
Yes, yes, that is Camille.
Laurent touches the bandage on his neck, his eyes get wide,
and he screams, then he turns, grabs his stomach as his
stomach retches. The police officer gives him the bedpan that
they keep there. Laurent vomits in the pan.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Laurent returns to work after the death of his friend Camille, receiving support from colleagues. He is called to the morgue to identify Camille's body, where he is confronted with her disfigured remains. Overwhelmed by grief and shock, Laurent reacts violently, culminating in him vomiting after the traumatic experience.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable dialogue
  • Limited interaction between characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and sets up a pivotal moment in the story. The tension and emotional depth make it a compelling and impactful scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of facing the consequences of a dark deed and dealing with the aftermath of a tragic event is well-executed. It adds depth to the characters and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Laurent confronts the reality of Camille's death, leading to potential repercussions for the characters. The scene sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of loss and grief by juxtaposing heroism with horror, and by portraying the gruesome reality of death in a visceral and impactful way. The authenticity of the characters' reactions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' reactions to the situation are authentic and layered, showcasing their vulnerabilities and internal conflicts. Laurent's internal struggle and Thérèse's emotional detachment add depth to their arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Laurent undergoes a significant emotional transformation as he comes face to face with the consequences of his actions. This experience is likely to shape his character arc moving forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Laurent's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the loss of his friend and the gruesome reality of his death. It reflects his deeper need for closure, his fear of facing the truth, and his desire to honor his friend's memory.

External Goal: 7

Laurent's external goal in this scene is to identify his friend's body at the morgue. It reflects the immediate challenge of confronting the physical evidence of his friend's death.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflict within Laurent, as well as the external conflict of dealing with Camille's death, creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as the protagonist is faced with the horrifying reality of his friend's death, challenging his beliefs and emotions in a difficult and unexpected way.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Laurent grapples with the reality of Camille's death and the implications it has for his future. The characters are faced with moral dilemmas and potential consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by revealing the aftermath of Camille's death and setting up new challenges and conflicts for the characters to navigate. It marks a turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by juxtaposing heroism with horror, leading to a shocking and emotional revelation for the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the juxtaposition of heroism and horror. Laurent is praised as a hero for saving his friend's wife, but he is faced with the gruesome reality of his friend's death, challenging his beliefs about heroism and sacrifice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, shock, and grief, particularly through Laurent's visceral reaction to seeing Camille's body. It resonates with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is straightforward and serves the purpose of conveying information and emotions. It lacks complexity but effectively communicates the characters' reactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the emotional turmoil of the protagonist, creating a sense of tension and suspense as he confronts the reality of his friend's death.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the protagonist's emotional turmoil and creating a sense of unease and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the workplace to the morgue, highlighting Laurent's emotional journey as he navigates the aftermath of Camille's death. However, the dialogue in the courthouse feels somewhat generic and lacks depth. The colleagues' comments about Laurent being a hero come off as clichéd and could benefit from more nuanced reactions that reflect their relationships with him and the gravity of the situation.
  • The visual description of Camille's body is vivid and impactful, successfully conveying the horror of death and the consequences of Laurent's actions. However, the emotional response from Laurent could be further developed. While the vomiting reaction is visceral, it might be more powerful if accompanied by internal thoughts or flashbacks that illustrate his guilt and regret, deepening the audience's understanding of his emotional state.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, but the transition from the courthouse to the morgue could use a stronger emotional bridge. As it stands, the shift feels abrupt. Adding a moment of reflection for Laurent as he leaves work, perhaps contemplating his actions or the loss of Camille, could create a smoother transition and enhance the emotional weight.
  • The police officer's dialogue is functional but lacks personality. Giving the officer a distinctive voice or adding a moment of empathy could enhance the scene's emotional depth. This would create a contrast between the sterile environment of the morgue and the humanity of the characters involved.
  • Laurent's physical reaction to seeing Camille's body is powerful, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds, smells, or the coldness of the morgue could immerse the audience further into the moment, making it more visceral and relatable.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the dialogue in the courthouse to reflect more authentic relationships and emotional responses, possibly including personal anecdotes or shared memories of Camille that evoke a deeper emotional connection.
  • Add internal monologue or flashbacks for Laurent during the morgue scene to illustrate his guilt and regret, enhancing the emotional impact of his reaction to Camille's body.
  • Create a more gradual transition between the courthouse and the morgue by including a reflective moment for Laurent, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his emotions as he prepares to confront the reality of his actions.
  • Develop the police officer's character by giving them a unique perspective or emotional response to the situation, which could serve to humanize the experience and contrast with Laurent's turmoil.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the morgue scene to enhance the atmosphere and draw the audience into Laurent's experience, making the moment more immersive and impactful.



Scene 29 -  Grief and Recovery
56 EXT. CEMETARY BURIAL SITE - DAY
Madame Raquin stands and holds hands with Thérèse and Laurent
on each side of her at Camille's interment ceremony. Michaud,
Oliver, Suzanne, and Grivet are also in attendance as they
listen to the Minister speak over the coffin.
MINISTER
And may we see our brother Camille
in heaven once again. Amen
EVERYONE
Amen.
The Minister clutches Madame Raquin's hands and leaves the
burial site. Madame then throws herself on the coffin.
MADAME RAQUIN
Camille, my baby, my Camille, my
love, no, no, no.
Madame weeps uncontrollably. Laurent and Thérèse rub Madame's
back. Thérèse squints her eyes with anger at Laurent, who
tilts his head and nods at Madame. The couple pulls Madame
away from the coffin.
THÈRÈSE
Come, Mother.
MADAME RAQUIN
What would I do without you,
Thérèse?
THÈRÈSE
I got you, Mother.
LAURENT
Mother, I will visit you every day
to assist in any way I can.
Madame grabs Laurent by the cheeks, pulls him to her, and
kisses him.
77.

MADAME RAQUIN
You are part of my family, and you
make my home yours.
Madame walks two steps, clutches her heart, and falls to the
ground. Thérèse and Laurent go down on their knees to help
Madame.
MICHAUD
Madame!
THÈRÈSE
Mother!
Michaud runs to Madame and turns her over on her back. He
takes her pulse and checks her eyes.
MICHAUD
She's had a heart attack. Call 9-1-
1.

57 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT DINING ROOM - ONE WEEK LATER - DAY
Madame Raquin sits in a wheelchair with her left arm in a
sling as her mouth is slightly crooked to the left side.
Thérèse helps her with her food, and Laurent sits at the
table as he sips his coffee.
MADAME RAQUIN
I want to go down to the cafe
tomorrow morning.
THÈRÈSE
But, Mother, you had a stroke only
a short time ago.
MADAME RAQUIN
I don't care as I can sit and talk
and listen to the customers.
LAURENT
It will do her good. She can't sit
up here alone crying about her son.
She needs to see people and laugh.
MADAME RAQUIN
You two are the only things that
keep me going during these dark
heartbroken days.
78.

LAURENT
I will come in the morning and
carry you down the stairs and bring
you up at night.
MADAME RAQUIN
Oh, Laurent, you are so good to me.
Will you be able to handle the
cafe, Thérèse?
THÈRÈSE
I hired Suzanne to work the counter
for us. She knows our products
better than anyone.
MADAME RAQUIN
Perfect, I always loved Suzanne.
THÈRÈSE
Let me get some more applesauce.
MADAME RAQUIN
And you Laurent will stay and eat
dinner with us each night.
LAURENT
You are too generous.
Thérèse leaves the room for the kitchen. Laurent kisses
Madame on the top of her head and follows Thérèse out of the
dining room.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary During Camille's burial, Madame Raquin is overwhelmed by grief, leading to her collapse and a heart attack. A week later, she is in a wheelchair recovering from a stroke, expressing a desire to return to the café. Thérèse and Laurent support her, showcasing their commitment to family amidst the tragedy.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Realistic portrayal of grief and support
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions, establishes strong character dynamics, and sets the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family bonds, grief, and resilience is well-executed, providing depth to the characters and advancing the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters deal with the aftermath of Camille's death and plan for the future, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of grief and family dynamics, with authentic character reactions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters show depth, emotion, and growth, particularly in their interactions with each other during a difficult time.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show subtle changes in their relationships and perspectives, particularly in their support for each other.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to provide comfort and support to Madame Raquin during her time of grief and distress. This reflects their deeper desire for connection and family unity.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to assist Madame Raquin in managing her emotions and physical well-being after the loss of her son. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with grief and health issues.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and tension, the scene focuses more on relationships and support than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters must navigate conflicting emotions and responsibilities in the face of tragedy.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high emotionally as the characters navigate grief, support each other, and plan for the future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by addressing the aftermath of Camille's death, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Madame Raquin's heart attack, which adds tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' sense of duty and their personal desires. Thérèse and Laurent must balance their obligations to Madame Raquin with their own needs and aspirations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, love, and gratitude, drawing the audience into the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys emotions, relationships, and intentions, though it could be more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth and intimate character relationships, drawing the reader into the characters' struggles and desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for moments of reflection and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the reader's understanding of the emotional dynamics at play.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic moment, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that effectively conveys the emotional impact of the characters' interactions.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of the burial scene is palpable, effectively capturing Madame Raquin's grief and despair. However, the transition from the intense emotional moment of the burial to the subsequent scene in the apartment feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the continuity of the emotional arc.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth in conveying the complexity of the characters' emotions. For example, Thérèse's anger towards Laurent during the burial could be explored more explicitly to highlight the tension in their relationship following Camille's death.
  • Madame Raquin's character is portrayed as deeply affected by her son's death, which is compelling. However, her quick recovery and insistence on returning to the café may come off as unrealistic given the severity of her condition. This could benefit from more exploration of her psychological state post-stroke.
  • The physical interactions, such as Laurent kissing Madame Raquin's cheeks, feel somewhat perfunctory. More descriptive action could enhance the intimacy and complexity of their relationships, revealing underlying tensions or unspoken feelings.
  • The use of Michaud as a prompt for the call to 9-1-1 is effective in conveying urgency but could be expanded to show more of his emotional response to the situation. This would add depth to his character and the overall scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared glance between Thérèse and Laurent during the burial to emphasize their complicated feelings about Camille's death and their shared guilt.
  • Expand on Thérèse's internal conflict and anger towards Laurent during the burial scene. This could be done through inner monologue or more pointed dialogue that reveals her feelings of betrayal and grief.
  • Include a brief flashback or memory that Madame Raquin has about Camille during the burial to deepen the emotional impact and give the audience insight into her character and her relationship with her son.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by incorporating more nuanced body language and reactions from Thérèse and Laurent, illustrating their emotional states and the tension between them.
  • In the apartment scene, allow Madame Raquin to express more vulnerability regarding her condition, which could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience and highlight the impact of her stroke on her mental state.



Scene 30 -  Secrets and Nightmares
58 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Laurent grabs Thérèse from behind, spins her around, and
kisses her deeply. Thérèse embraces and returns the kiss but
then pushes him away.
THÈRÈSE
Not here, not now.
LAURENT
When and where then? I need you,
remember why we killed Camille.
Thérèse covers Laurent's mouth.
THÈRÈSE
Don't say his name to me, and quiet
Madame can hear us.
Laurent nods his head in agreement, and Thérèse removes her
hand. Laurent then talks in whispers.
79.

LAURENT
I know we must be cautious, but can
I come to see you in the afternoon.
THÈRÈSE
Sorry, but I have to take care of
Mother and the Cafe now. Give me a
week to work things out here first.
LAURENT
You are right, my love. Let's keep
Mother happy, and I will work my
way into her heart as well.
The couple hugs as Laurent smiles and looks up with his eyes
closed. Thérèse lowers her head and has a frown on her face.

59 INT. LAURENT'S BEDROOM - LATER - NIGHT
Laurent's bedroom is a simple room that looks more like a
dorm room then an adult's room. Laurent tosses and turns as
he dreams.
The short montage of the Laurent's dream are scenes 59a, 59b,
and 59c.
DREAM SEQUENCE STARTS

59a EXT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE OUTSIDE - DAY
Laurent peeks in the cafe's front window, then looks both
ways before running down the alleyway to the rear of the
building. He looks both ways then enters the rear door.

59b INT. BACK STAIRWAY TO RAQUIN APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Laurent looks up the stairwell and sees Thérèse standing on
the top landing by the door to her apartment. She waves her
fingers in the come hither movement and goes inside. Laurent
bounds up the stairs and goes into the apartment.

59c INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Thérèse lies on the bed with her arms open wide for Laurent.
He goes to the bed and stares at his beautiful Thérèse, but
then her face changes to the bloated dead blue face of
Camille, skin falling off, no eyes, and no hands.
DREAM SEQUENCE ENDS
80.

60 INT. LAURENT'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Laurent sits up in bed and gasps. He is drenched with sweat
and trembling.
LAURENT
Damm it! I have had that same
nightmare every night since I
killed that worm.
Laurent puts his hand on the red scar on his neck from
Camille's bite.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
His bite must have been venomous as
it throbs with pain. I need to
sleep with Thérèse to rid these
night terrors and the pain.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary In the Raquin apartment kitchen, Laurent and Thérèse share a passionate kiss, but Thérèse quickly reminds him to be cautious due to Madame's presence. They discuss the need for secrecy following Camille's death, with Thérèse requesting a week to manage her responsibilities before they can meet again. The scene shifts to Laurent's bedroom, where he is haunted by a nightmare that blends his desire for Thérèse with the disturbing image of Camille's corpse. He wakes in a panic, reflecting on the guilt and pain stemming from their actions.
Strengths
  • Complex character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Predictable dream sequence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and internal struggles of the characters, creating a sense of suspense and anticipation for the unfolding events. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the depth of the characters' motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forbidden love, guilt, and desire is well-executed in the scene, adding layers of complexity to the characters and their relationships. The dream sequence adds a psychological element that enhances the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as Thérèse and Laurent navigate their feelings and the consequences of their actions. The tension between them and the mention of Camille's death foreshadow future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the themes of guilt, deception, and forbidden love, with unique character dynamics and haunting dream sequences that add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Thérèse and Laurent are well-developed characters with conflicting emotions and motivations. Their interactions reveal their internal struggles and the complexities of their relationship. The scene effectively showcases their growth and transformation.

Character Changes: 8

Both Thérèse and Laurent undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with their desires, guilt, and fears. Their interactions and decisions reflect their evolving personalities and the challenges they face in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to rid himself of the guilt and fear stemming from the murder he committed. He seeks solace and comfort in his relationship with Thérèse to alleviate his nightmares and pain.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain the facade of a normal life while secretly plotting and carrying out his illicit affair and murder.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including the characters' forbidden love, guilt over Camille's death, and the fear of discovery. The tension and suspense are heightened by the characters' conflicting desires and the risks they face.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face internal and external obstacles that challenge their goals and beliefs, creating uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Thérèse and Laurent navigate their forbidden love, guilt over Camille's death, and the risks of discovery. The consequences of their actions could have far-reaching effects on their lives and relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the characters' internal conflicts, desires, and the consequences of their actions. It sets the stage for future developments and conflicts, building suspense and anticipation for the audience.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the characters' shifting motivations and the unexpected dream sequence, adding an element of suspense and mystery.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' moral compasses and the consequences of their actions. The protagonist struggles with guilt and the consequences of his immoral choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, including passion, anxiety, and regret. The characters' internal struggles and the consequences of their actions create a sense of empathy and engagement, drawing the audience into their complex world.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It effectively conveys the tension and passion between Thérèse and Laurent, as well as their conflicting desires and fears.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense emotional conflict, suspenseful atmosphere, and intriguing character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a well-balanced mix of dialogue, action, and introspective moments that keep the story moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic thriller, with clear character motivations and escalating tension leading to a cliffhanger ending.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Thérèse and Laurent, emphasizing their need for secrecy and the emotional weight of their actions. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while they discuss their plans, the underlying guilt and fear could be more pronounced in their exchanges.
  • Thérèse's pushback against Laurent's advances is a strong moment, but the transition from intimacy to caution feels slightly abrupt. It might be more impactful if Thérèse's internal conflict is expressed through her body language or facial expressions, rather than just her words.
  • Laurent's dialogue about needing Thérèse and referencing Camille feels a bit on-the-nose. Instead of directly mentioning Camille, Laurent could express his feelings or needs in a more abstract way that hints at their shared guilt without explicitly stating it.
  • The dream sequence serves as a strong narrative device to show Laurent's psychological turmoil, but the transition into the dream could be smoother. A more gradual shift or a visual cue indicating the transition could enhance the viewer's experience.
  • The depiction of the dream sequence is effective in conveying Laurent's horror and guilt, but it might benefit from a clearer visual distinction from the reality of the previous scene. This could involve changes in lighting or a different color palette to signify the dream state.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physicality to Thérèse's rejection of Laurent to emphasize her internal struggle. This could include hesitations, lingering touches, or a moment where she almost gives in before pulling away.
  • Enhance the subtext in the dialogue by having Laurent and Thérèse reference their relationship without naming Camille directly. This could involve them discussing their future or the weight of their actions in more abstract terms.
  • To improve the transition into the dream sequence, consider using a visual cue, such as a fade or a shift in the camera angle, to signify that Laurent is slipping into a dream state.
  • Develop the dream sequence further by incorporating more surreal or disorienting elements that reflect Laurent's guilt, such as distorted sounds or fleeting images of Camille, to heighten the emotional impact.
  • After Laurent wakes up from the nightmare, consider extending the moment of shock and fear before he begins to rationalize his feelings. This could deepen the audience's connection to his emotional state.



Scene 31 -  Haunted by the Past
61 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT
Thérèse twists and turns in her bed as she is in the middle
of a dream.
DREAM STARTS
Thérèse is asleep in bed when she hears Madame Raquin's
voice.
MADAME RAQUIN (V.O.)
Thérèse, time to get up and give
Camille his medicine.
Thérèse sits up in bed, shakes her head, and wipes her eyes.
She turns her head and sees Camille in his soaked clothes
from the river sitting on his bed. He holds his bottle of
medicine and a spoon. A small fish falls out of his shirt.
CAMILLE
I'm waiting for you, my wife. I
will never leave you.
DREAM SEQUENCE ENDS
Thérèse jolts awake and sits up. She gets out of bed, takes
the bottle of Camille's medicine that is still on his
nightstand, and throws it at his portrait hanging in the
room. The bottle breaks, and the liquid runs down his face.
THÈRÈSE
I need my sleep, and these
nightmares haunt me every night. I
need Laurent with me.
81.

62 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - LATER - DAY
Suzanne is behind the counter, and Thérèse waits at the
bottom of the staircase with a wheelchair. Laurent comes down
the stairs with Madame Raquin in his arms.
LAURENT
Everyone, please rise. The queen is
entering the room.
Madame Raquin laughs and playfully slaps Laurent. Thérèse
stares off into oblivion as Laurent gently places her in the
wheelchair.
MADAME RAQUIN
Thérèse, my dear, you look like you
didn't sleep again last night.
THÈRÈSE
I'm fine, Mother, really.
MADAME RAQUIN
Today, you take your afternoon
break like you used to do. Suzanne
is here now.
THÈRÈSE
But--
MADAME RAQUIN
No buts, you will do what I say.
Thérèse wheels her to a spot in front of the counter where
she can see the customers entering and then walks to the
kitchen.
LAURENT
Farewell, my loves, I will return
after work.
Laurent blows a kiss to the three women and leaves the Cafe.
MADAME RAQUIN
He is a guardian angel to our
family.
Thérèse drops a metal tray in reaction to Madame's statement,
and it makes a loud clanking sound. The phone rings behind
the counter, and Suzanne answers it.
SUZANNE
Thérèse, the phone is for you.
Thérèse walks over to get the phone.
82.

THÈRÈSE
No one ever calls for me.
MADAME RAQUIN
Who's calling, Suzanne?
SUZANNE
Some man sounded like Laurent, just
asked for Thérèse.
Thérèse picks up the phone.
LAURENT (V.O.)
(on phone)
Leave the back door unlocked this
afternoon. We need to be intimate.
Thérèse turns her back from Suzanne and Madame Raquin and
whispers into the phone.
THÈRÈSE
(on phone)
OK, as we need to talk first. Be
careful. Don't call here again.
LAURENT (V.O.)
(on phone)
If you would use your damn cell
phone, I wouldn't have to call you
on this phone and--
Thérèse hangs the phone up before Laurent can finish and
turns back around.
THÈRÈSE
Damm cell phone salesmen.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary Thérèse is disturbed by a haunting dream of Camille, who insists he will never leave her, reflecting her guilt and emotional turmoil. After waking, she expresses her frustration by throwing a medicine bottle at Camille's portrait, yearning for Laurent's presence. In the café, Madame Raquin and Suzanne notice Thérèse's distress, while Laurent's playful demeanor contrasts with her inner struggles. A phone call from Laurent leads to a secretive arrangement, heightening Thérèse's frustration and sense of entrapment as she grapples with her unresolved feelings and the need for secrecy.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing setup for future events
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability in the secret meeting setup
  • Limited exploration of Madame Raquin's perspective

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys Thérèse's emotional struggle and the complex dynamics between the characters, setting up future conflicts and developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of dreams reflecting Thérèse's desires and fears adds depth to her character, while the theme of secrecy and deception enhances the tension in the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Thérèse and Laurent plan a secret meeting, adding intrigue and setting the stage for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces complex relationships, internal conflicts, and societal expectations in a unique historical setting, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Thérèse's internal conflict and desire for intimacy, Madame Raquin's controlling nature, and Laurent's role as a source of comfort and danger are well-developed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse experiences internal conflict and desires for intimacy with Laurent, showing a shift in her emotional state and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to break free from her nightmares and the constraints of her marriage to Camille. This reflects her desire for freedom, independence, and a deeper connection with Laurent.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to navigate her relationships with her family and Laurent while dealing with societal expectations and her own desires.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Thérèse's desire for intimacy with Laurent and the presence of Madame Raquin creates tension and sets up future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, societal expectations, and personal struggles creating obstacles for the characters.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Thérèse navigates her desire for intimacy with Laurent while dealing with the presence of Madame Raquin, setting the stage for potential conflicts and consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up a secret meeting between Thérèse and Laurent, adding intrigue and tension to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in Thérèse's interactions with Laurent and her internal struggles, keeping the audience engaged and uncertain about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between duty and desire, as Thérèse struggles to balance her obligations to her family with her longing for personal fulfillment and love.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through Thérèse's inner turmoil, highlighting her conflicting desires and the challenges she faces in her relationships.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, desires, and conflicts, driving the scene forward and adding layers to their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, character dynamics, and the unfolding of internal and external conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, maintaining the audience's interest and driving the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The dream sequence effectively conveys Thérèse's guilt and emotional turmoil following Camille's death. However, the transition from the dream to her waking state could be more fluid. The abruptness of her waking and throwing the medicine bottle feels jarring. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Thérèse's dialogue expressing her need for sleep and Laurent's presence is poignant, but it could be strengthened by incorporating more visceral imagery or metaphors that reflect her emotional state. This would deepen the audience's connection to her character and her struggles.
  • The introduction of Madame Raquin in the café scene provides a stark contrast to Thérèse's internal conflict. However, the dialogue between them lacks tension. Given Thérèse's emotional state, her interactions with Madame Raquin could carry more weight, reflecting her inner turmoil and exhaustion.
  • Laurent's playful demeanor when entering with Madame Raquin feels somewhat out of place given the preceding scene's heavy emotional context. This tonal shift may confuse the audience. Establishing a more consistent tone throughout the scenes could enhance the narrative flow.
  • The phone call from Laurent serves as a crucial plot point, but the dialogue feels somewhat clichéd. Phrasing like 'we need to be intimate' could be reworked to sound more natural and reflective of their complex relationship. The use of more nuanced language could elevate the tension and urgency of their situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory cue during Thérèse's dream that symbolizes her guilt, such as a recurring image or sound from the river, to create a stronger connection between her dream and her waking reality.
  • Enhance Thérèse's emotional dialogue by incorporating more specific details about her nightmares or memories of Camille, which could help the audience empathize with her plight.
  • Introduce subtle hints of Thérèse's internal conflict in her interactions with Madame Raquin, such as her body language or facial expressions, to convey her struggle without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Maintain a consistent tone between the scenes by adjusting Laurent's entrance and dialogue to reflect the somber mood established by Thérèse's previous scene. This could involve him showing concern for her well-being rather than a light-hearted demeanor.
  • Revise Laurent's dialogue to make it feel more authentic and reflective of their relationship dynamics. Instead of a straightforward request, consider having him express a sense of urgency or desperation that aligns with the emotional stakes of their affair.



Scene 32 -  Whispers of Guilt
63 INT. BACK STAIRWAY TO RAQUIN APARTMENT - LATER - DAY
Laurent quietly walks in the door and slowly closes the door
behind him. Before he turns around, he hears Thérèse talk to
him in a whispery voice from the top of the stairwell.

THÈRÈSE
Did anyone see you?
Laurent responds in his regular voice volume.
LAURENT
No, I am meticulously careful and--
THÈRÈSE
Shhh! Not so loud.
83.

Laurent puts both palms up and shakes them to show
understanding. He then quickly goes up the stairs to Thérèse,
who sits on the top landing. Thérèse pats the step next to
her for Laurent to sit.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Wait. We must talk first.
LAURENT
Out here? On the stairs?
THÈRÈSE
Yes, Suzanne will hear us. She is
very nosey and suspicious.
LAURENT
Nonsense, you are just paranoid.
Laurent sits next to Thérèse.
THÈRÈSE
And you aren't. We killed an
innocent person, in case you
forgot.
LAURENT
Forget? I haven't slept since that
day.
THÈRÈSE
You too! He is haunting us. I am
sure of it.
Thérèse puts her head down on her lap and groans.
LAURENT
There is no such thing as haunting
or ghosts. We just need to be
together and make love. The
nightmares will then leave us.
THÈRÈSE
It is too risky. Let's run away and
get married now.
LAURENT
We will lose all the money, and the
police will get suspicious.
Thérèse holds her chin in thought and puts a finger up in
Laurent's face.
84.

THÈRÈSE
We need to make the others suggest
we get married.
LAURENT
Who? Madame? Michaud, Grivet,
Oliver and Suzanne?
THÈRÈSE
Yes, all of them will see how we
help Madame. How good we are
together and how unhappy we are
single.
LAURENT
It just might work. I will give it
six months, or we take action.
THÈRÈSE
It has to work.
Laurent grabs her and kisses her deeply, then whispers in her
ear.
LAURENT
Let's go to the bedroom.
THÈRÈSE
No, too risky with Suzanne. Let's
do it right here.
Laurent pushes her down on the landing and jumps on her with
a hard physical movement and aggressively kisses her, and
gropes at her clothes violently to remove them.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary In the back stairway of the Raquin apartment, Laurent and Thérèse confront their shared guilt over a past crime. Thérèse suggests they marry to alleviate suspicion, but Laurent hesitates, fearing the consequences. They agree to create a facade of happiness while grappling with their emotions. The scene culminates in a passionate and aggressive kiss, symbolizing their desperate longing for intimacy amidst the weight of their guilt.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Well-developed characters
  • Tension-filled dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Risk of glamorizing illicit relationships and criminal behavior

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional complexity and tension between the characters, setting up a high-stakes situation with a mix of passion and anxiety.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a murder and the characters' conflicting emotions is well-executed, adding depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Thérèse and Laurent discuss their future plans and the consequences of their actions, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the aftermath of a murder, focusing on the characters' psychological struggles and conflicting beliefs. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Thérèse and Laurent's characters are well-developed, showcasing their internal struggles, desires, and the complexities of their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Thérèse and Laurent experience internal conflict and growth in the scene, grappling with their choices and the consequences of their actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a way to cope with the guilt and fear of the murder they committed. This reflects their deeper need for absolution and peace of mind.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain their facade of normalcy and avoid suspicion from others, particularly Suzanne.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Thérèse and Laurent's desires for love and freedom versus the consequences of their actions creates tension and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that add complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of their secret relationship, the murder they committed, and the potential consequences add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' relationships, setting up future conflicts, and exploring the aftermath of the murder.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting beliefs and actions, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' beliefs in the existence of ghosts and the protagonist's rational dismissal of such ideas. This challenges their worldview and adds to the tension in the scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, delving into themes of guilt, passion, and regret.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and desires, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the suspenseful atmosphere, emotional depth of the characters, and the conflict between their beliefs and actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and developing the characters' internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The dialogue effectively captures the tension and guilt that Thérèse and Laurent feel after Camille's death. Their whispery exchanges create an intimate atmosphere that underscores their secretive relationship, but it could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional weight of their conversation.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly in the transition from their serious discussion about guilt to the physical intimacy. The shift feels abrupt and could be smoothed out to maintain the tension while allowing for a more organic progression in their relationship.
  • Thérèse's suggestion to make their marriage seem natural is an interesting plot point, but it could be fleshed out more. Exploring her motivations and fears in this moment would deepen her character and create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • Laurent's dismissive attitude towards Thérèse's fears about haunting and guilt could be more nuanced. It might be more effective if he showed some vulnerability or acknowledgment of their shared trauma instead of quickly shifting the conversation to physical intimacy.
  • The physicality of Laurent's aggressive kiss at the end of the scene feels out of place given the serious nature of their earlier conversation. While it reflects their passionate connection, it risks undermining the gravity of their situation and could come off as jarring.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or flashbacks to Camille to heighten the emotional stakes of their conversation. This could help illustrate the weight of their guilt and the haunting presence of Camille in their lives.
  • Smooth the transition between the serious discussion and the intimate moment by allowing for a moment of hesitation or reflection. This could enhance the emotional impact and make the physical connection feel more earned.
  • Explore Thérèse's character further by incorporating her fears and desires regarding their situation. This will make her motivations clearer and allow the audience to empathize with her struggles.
  • Give Laurent a moment of vulnerability where he acknowledges the weight of their actions. This could create a more complex dynamic between him and Thérèse, making their relationship feel more grounded.
  • Reconsider the physicality of the ending. Perhaps have Laurent express his desire in a way that aligns more closely with the emotional turmoil they both face, maintaining the tension while also showing their longing for connection.



Scene 33 -  Tensions at the Thérèse Raquin Cafe
64 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - NIGHT
Michaud, Oliver, Suzanne, and Thérèse sit around the table.
Grivet dumps the dominoes out of the box on the table.
MICHAUD
Wait until Madame Raquin to come
down before we start, Grivet.
SUZANNE
Here she comes now.
Laurent carries Madame Raquin down the stairs, and everyone
stands and claps on her entrance. Thérèse walks over to the
bottom of the stairs with the wheelchair. Laurent puts a
crying Madame into the wheelchair.
85.

MICHAUD
Madame, you look lovely.
Thérèse wheels Madame to the table, and everyone takes turns
greeting her. Laurent grabs Thérèse's ass out of everyone's
sight, and she slaps his hand away and walks to the kitchen.
THÈRÈSE
I will get the special pastries I
made for tonight.
Laurent follows Thérèse into the kitchen.
MADAME RAQUIN
I am indebted to Thérèse and
Laurent for their nursing me back
to health and giving me a reason to
live.
GRIVET
That Laurent is a special guy.
OLIVER
And Thérèse is a saint.

65 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Thérèse holds a tray of pastries, and Laurent grabs her waist
from behind and nibbles on her ear.
THÈRÈSE
Stop, Laurent. We will get caught.
Michaud and Oliver are the police.
LAURENT
Can we meet in your room tomorrow?
THÈRÈSE
No, no sex until we are married.
LAURENT
What?
THÈRÈSE
We didn't do this to fuck around.
LAURENT
But that will take time.
THÈRÈSE
I don't care. Stick to our plan. We
will wait until then.
86.

LAURENT
But--
Old Michaud walks into the kitchen, interrupting the couple.
Thérèse gives Laurent an elbow to separate him from her.
MICHAUD
I wanted to tell you this away from
the others.
THÈRÈSE
What is it Michaud?
MICHAUD
I have advised your Mother to give
you the power of attorney for all
of her savings, business, and
personal belongings.
Thérèse drops the tray of pastries on the table in shock.
LAURENT
That makes perfect sense.
MICHAUD
It is the safe move to ensure that
Madame is taken care of for the
rest of her years.
THÈRÈSE
I am speechless.
MICHAUD
And Laurent, you have been vital to
the changes in Madame's life
recently.
Laurent nods his head sheepishly, and Thérèse turns her head
and closes her eyes tightly.
LAURENT
I love both Madame and Thérèse and
will be here for them to honor my
dear friend Camille.
Michaud pats Laurent on the arm, smiles at the two of them,
and leaves the kitchen. Thérèse picks up the tray of pastries
and starts to walk out of the kitchen. She stops and turns
her head to say something to Laurent.
THÈRÈSE
No sex until we are married.
87.

Thérèse walks into the cafe, leaving Laurent alone in the
kitchen. The cat jumps up on the table by Laurent, and he
bats the cat away and onto the floor in disgust.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary In the Thérèse Raquin Cafe at night, a gathering unfolds as Michaud, Oliver, Suzanne, Thérèse, and Laurent welcome Madame Raquin. Laurent makes inappropriate advances towards Thérèse, who firmly rebuffs him and retreats to the kitchen to prepare pastries. There, Laurent attempts to seduce her, but Thérèse insists on waiting until marriage. Michaud shocks Thérèse by informing her that he has advised her mother to give her power of attorney over her affairs. As Thérèse grapples with this new responsibility, she leaves the kitchen, reiterating her commitment to abstain from intimacy until marriage, while Laurent is left alone with a cat.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Tension and secrecy in relationships
  • Effective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable plot developments
  • Slightly repetitive themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the complex emotions and relationships between the characters, setting up future conflicts and developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forbidden love, guilt, and secrecy is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and driving the plot forward.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Thérèse and Laurent navigate their relationship and deal with the aftermath of Camille's death, setting the stage for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on traditional societal norms and expectations, presenting complex characters with conflicting desires and motivations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Thérèse struggling with guilt and conflicting emotions, Laurent torn between love and ambition, and Madame Raquin dealing with grief and recovery.

Character Changes: 8

Thérèse and Laurent experience internal changes as they grapple with guilt, love, and ambition, setting the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to maintain her composure and control her emotions in the face of unexpected news and advances from Laurent. This reflects her desire to uphold her reputation and adhere to societal expectations.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to navigate the complex dynamics of her relationships with Laurent and Madame Raquin while maintaining a facade of respect and duty.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from the characters' internal struggles, secrets, and the aftermath of Camille's death.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the characters' actions. Thérèse must navigate multiple obstacles and challenges in her relationships.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high, with the characters facing moral dilemmas, the consequences of their actions, and the risk of exposure.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between the characters, introducing new conflicts, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected news delivered by Michaud and the conflicting desires and actions of the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the relationships will evolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between societal expectations and personal desires. Thérèse must balance her duty to her mother-in-law with her own desires for independence and love.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, particularly in Thérèse's internal turmoil and Laurent's conflicting desires.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, emotions, and hidden agendas of the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and emotional depth between the characters. The audience is drawn into the complex dynamics and conflicts that unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains the tension and emotional impact. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-structured and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Thérèse and Laurent's secret relationship and the need for discretion due to Madame Raquin's presence. However, the transition from the café setting to the kitchen feels abrupt and could benefit from smoother pacing to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • Thérèse's insistence on waiting until marriage introduces an interesting layer of conflict, showcasing her internal struggle with guilt and morality. However, this conflict could be deepened by exploring her motivations more explicitly. Why is she so adamant about waiting? Providing insight into her character's values and fears would enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The dialogue between Thérèse and Laurent is functional but lacks depth. Laurent's surprise at Thérèse's stance on sex feels somewhat flat. Consider adding more emotional weight to their exchange to reflect the gravity of their situation. For instance, Laurent could express frustration or confusion, which would add tension to their interaction.
  • The introduction of Michaud in the kitchen serves as a necessary interruption, but it could be more impactful if his entrance was foreshadowed or if he had a more distinct presence in the scene. His role as a confidant could be emphasized to create a stronger sense of tension when he reveals the power of attorney.
  • The scene ends with Laurent being left alone with the cat, which could symbolize his isolation or emotional turmoil. However, this moment feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on Laurent's reaction to being left alone could add depth to his character and set the stage for future developments.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Thérèse after Laurent's advance, allowing her to articulate her internal conflict about their relationship and her values regarding marriage and intimacy.
  • Enhance the tension in the dialogue by incorporating more emotional stakes. For example, Laurent could express feelings of frustration or longing that reflect the complexity of their situation.
  • Foreshadow Michaud's entrance by having him interact with the group before entering the kitchen, creating a sense of anticipation and increasing the impact of his revelation.
  • Explore Laurent's emotional state further after Thérèse leaves the kitchen. A brief internal monologue or a physical reaction could provide insight into his feelings of rejection or frustration.
  • Consider using the cat as a narrative device to reflect Laurent's emotional state. Instead of batting the cat away in disgust, perhaps he could show a moment of vulnerability, indicating his turmoil and desire for connection, which would add complexity to his character.



Scene 34 -  Reflections and Revelations
66 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - PRESENT DAY - DAY
Back to the present-day dusty and barren cafe. Devon, Hana,
and Suzanne sit at the table. There is a half-eaten pizza in
a box and bottles of soda on the table. Hana has her mouth
agape staring at Suzanne.
SUZANNE
I'm not scaring you away, am I?
DEVON
Scaring, Hana?
Devon laughs at Suzanne.
DEVON (CONT'D)
You are just enticing her.
HANA
These two are like Bonnie and
Clyde. I'm sorry, Suzanne, as I
know this is dark, sad, and true
life, so forgive me.
SUZANNE
Don't worry about it, as it is
therapeutic for me, because I never
told anyone the entire saga before.
HANA
So she cut him off until they get
married. Had sex on the stairwell.
Do they get married? Do their night
terrors stop?
DEVON
Slow down there, girl. Let Suzanne
tell the story her way.
SUZANNE
Well, the next six months were long
and tedious for Thérèse and
Laurent...
88.

67 INT./EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS - MONTAGE
Scenes 67a to 67g show the passage of time for six months.
Brief scenes as the narrator, Suzanne, comments with
voiceovers.
MONTAGE STARTS

67a INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - DAY
Thérèse sits in the kitchen reading her Chloe Esclair novel
with the cat on her lap.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Thérèse's life didn't change as she
stayed to herself with her cat and
her romance novels. Her life off of
the grid and real

67b INT. PAINTING STUDIO - DAY
Laurent works on a painting with his palette of paint, brush,
and canvas.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Without sex, Laurent worked on
improving his painting skills, for
hours and hours each day.

67c INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - DAY
Madame Thérèse sits in her wheelchair in the cafe, greeting
customers with a smile.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Madame Raquin's spirits improved
every day as she recovered from the
shock of losing her beloved
Camille.

67d INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT MADAME'S BEDROOM - DAY
A tired Thérèse, with her hair messy, dresses Madame Raquin
in her bedroom.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Every day, she dresses, cleans,
undresses, and feeds Madame.
Coupled with working the Cafe, she
was dragging like the walking dead.
89.

67e INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT DINING ROOM - DAY
Laurent carries Madame Raquin upstairs to the dining room.
Thérèse has the wheelchair, and Laurent puts her in it.
Madame has a big smile on her face and taps both Thérèse and
Laurent with her one hand that she can move.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
The stroke left Madame helpless.
Laurent would come twice a day to
carry her up and down the stairs.
Madame loved Thérèse and Laurent.

67f INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - NIGHT
Michaud, Oliver, Suzanne, Grivet, Laurent, Thérèse, and
Madame Raquin in her wheelchair play dominoes at the cafe's
table.
SUZANNE (V.O.)
Every Thursday night, they came to
play dominoes. On this one night,
six months later, they had more
than dominoes up their sleeves.
MONTAGE ENDS

68 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Michaud, Oliver, Suzanne, Grivet, Laurent, Thérèse, and
Madame Raquin in her wheelchair play dominoes at the cafe's
table. Michaud stands up to speak to the group.
MICHAUD
Let's take a break to stretch our
legs.
OLIVER
Laurent, come outside with me for a
cigarette.
LAURENT
Sounds good.
Laurent and Oliver walk out the front door of the cafe.
SUZANNE
Thérèse, I will help you get the
refreshments from the kitchen.
Suzanne and Thérèse walk into the kitchen together.
90.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary In a present-day cafe, friends Devon, Hana, and Suzanne share a meal while Suzanne recounts her untold story about Thérèse and Laurent. As Hana inquires about the couple's fate, a montage illustrates Thérèse and Laurent's struggles over six months, highlighting their responsibilities towards Madame Raquin. The scene blends somber reflections with light-hearted camaraderie, culminating in a lively domino game night, where the group enjoys each other's company before taking a break.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes may feel rushed
  • Transition between past and present could be smoother

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, romance, and thriller, creating a compelling narrative with a mix of dark and emotional tones. The dialogue and character interactions add depth to the story, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of dealing with the consequences of a heinous act while navigating complex relationships is well-executed. The scene explores themes of guilt, regret, and desire, adding layers to the characters' motivations.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through character interactions and revelations, setting the stage for future developments. The tension between the characters and the unfolding of their plans create intrigue and suspense.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and relationships, explores themes of trauma and healing, and presents a fresh take on storytelling through dialogue and narration.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each grappling with their own internal conflicts and desires. Their relationships and dynamics drive the narrative forward, adding depth and complexity to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo internal changes, particularly in their emotional states and relationships. Thérèse and Laurent's evolving dynamic and moral conflicts hint at deeper character development to come.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with her past and share her story with others. This reflects her need for closure, her fear of judgment, and her desire for understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to engage with her friends and share her story in a therapeutic way. This reflects the immediate challenge of opening up about her past and seeking support.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from the characters' moral dilemmas to the tension between secrecy and desire. The high stakes and emotional turmoil drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with internal conflicts and interpersonal dynamics adding complexity to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with characters facing moral dilemmas, guilt, and the consequences of their actions. The emotional and psychological impact of the events raises the tension and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new developments, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future conflicts. It advances the plot while maintaining suspense and intrigue.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the revelation of the protagonist's past.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between honesty and secrecy, as the protagonist grapples with whether to reveal her story to others. This challenges her beliefs about vulnerability and connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from regret and guilt to love and excitement. The characters' struggles and the tragic events create a strong emotional impact on the audience, drawing them into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts effectively. It adds authenticity to the interactions and enhances the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the story and characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for moments of reflection and action to drive the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and transitions, effectively conveying the passage of time and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the intense emotional turmoil of Thérèse and Laurent's past to a more reflective present-day setting, showcasing the impact of their actions. However, the dialogue feels somewhat disjointed and lacks a natural flow, which can make it challenging for the audience to fully engage with the characters' emotions.
  • Hana's comparison of Thérèse and Laurent to Bonnie and Clyde is a strong metaphor that captures their tumultuous relationship, but it could be expanded upon to deepen the audience's understanding of their dynamic. This could involve more context about how their actions have affected those around them.
  • Suzanne's role as the storyteller is intriguing, but her narration sometimes overshadows the characters' interactions. The scene could benefit from a balance between her voiceover and the dialogue happening in real-time, allowing for a more immersive experience.
  • The montage that follows feels somewhat rushed and lacks emotional weight. Each vignette should evoke a stronger sense of the passage of time and the emotional states of Thérèse and Laurent. This could be enhanced by focusing more on their internal struggles and the consequences of their actions during this period.
  • The use of a pizza and soda as props suggests a casual atmosphere, but it might contrast too starkly with the heavy themes of the narrative. Consider using elements that are more thematically aligned with the story's darker undertones.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue to create a more natural flow and emotional resonance. Consider adding pauses or reactions that reflect the characters' internal conflicts.
  • Expand on Hana's metaphor of Bonnie and Clyde by incorporating more specific references to Thérèse and Laurent's actions and their consequences, which could create a stronger connection to their story.
  • Aim for a better balance between Suzanne's voiceover and the characters' dialogue, ensuring that the audience can engage with both the storytelling and the present interactions.
  • In the montage, focus on more poignant moments that highlight the emotional journey of Thérèse and Laurent over the six months. Use visual storytelling to convey their internal struggles more effectively.
  • Consider changing the props in the café scene to reflect the somber themes of the story, such as using tea or pastries that have a connection to the café's history, enhancing the emotional atmosphere.



Scene 35 -  A Night of Revelations
69 EXT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE OUTSIDE - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Oliver lights Laurent's cigarette and then his own.
OLIVER
What do you think about Thérèse?
LAURENT
I love Thérèse. As a sister, of
course.
OLIVER
Could you love her romantically?
LAURENT
She is beautiful, and we get along
very well. I never thought about
it.
OLIVER
Would you marry her?
Laurent laughs lightly.
LAURENT
Why would you think she would want
to marry me? How about Madame as
well?
OLIVER
Right now, inside, the others are
having the same conversation.

70 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Michaud and Grivet move to sit on each side of Madame Raquin.
MICHAUD
Madame, do you see how quiet
Thérèse and Laurent are?
GRIVET
They are like that every Thursday.
MADAME RAQUIN
They are always quiet.
GRIVET
They are romantically lonely.
MICHAUD
Both of them have mourned the loss
of Camille with you.
91.

GRIVET
At their age, they need the touch
of another.
MADAME RAQUIN
I never thought about it like that.
MICHAUD
They would make a great couple.
GRIVET
And they will take care of you for
the rest of your life.
Madame puts her hand to her mouth in thought.

71 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Suzanne holds open the refrigerator as Thérèse takes out a
tray of sandwiches.
SUZANNE
What do you think of Laurent?
THÈRÈSE
I love him, like a brother, of
course.
SUZANNE
Could you love him romantically?
Maybe as a wife?
THÈRÈSE
Laurent? Mmmmm, I never thought of
that.
SUZANNE
He is handsome, strong, caring, and
sensitive and loves Madame too.
Thérèse crosses her arms, holds her elbows, spins around
several times with her eyes looking up to the ceiling.
THÈRÈSE
Only if Madame gives her blessing.

72 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Laurent and Oliver come back into the room from outside.
Thérèse and Suzanne carry sandwiches into the room from the
kitchen. Madame sits in her wheelchair, and Michaud and
Grivet sit on each side of Madame.
92.

MADAME RAQUIN
Thérèse and Laurent, I have
something to tell the both of you.
Laurent walks over to Thérèse, and they look at Madame.
MADAME RAQUIN (CONT'D)
You two are the most important
people in my life. I know that
Camille would want me to stay close
with the both of you.
Madame starts tearing up and wipes the tears away.
MADAME RAQUIN (CONT'D)
If you two wish to marry, I give
you my blessing.
Laurent's jaw drops, and he looks at Thérèse, then Madame,
then everyone in the room. Thérèse stares at Madame like a
deer stares at the headlights of a car.
LAURENT
It would be an honor on so many
levels.
MADAME RAQUIN
And you, Thérèse?
Thérèse slowly nods her head and whispers.
THÈRÈSE
I do, too.
Laurent hugs Thérèse, and everyone cheers.
GRIVET
I knew we could make this happen!
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, Oliver and Laurent discuss their feelings for Thérèse outside the café, with Laurent initially claiming a platonic love. Inside, Madame Raquin and others speculate about the romantic connection between Thérèse and Laurent, leading Madame Raquin to offer her blessing for their marriage. Both Thérèse and Laurent accept, resulting in a joyful celebration as they embrace, surrounded by supportive friends.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of immediate conflict resolution
  • Limited exploration of other character reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is well-written, emotionally impactful, and sets up future developments in the story effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Thérèse and Laurent potentially marrying adds depth to their characters and relationships, creating tension and anticipation for the audience.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the potential marriage between Thérèse and Laurent, introducing new dynamics and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on traditional themes of love and family, with nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotions and relationships are well-developed, especially with Madame Raquin's unexpected blessing and Thérèse and Laurent's reactions.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse and Laurent experience a significant shift in their relationship dynamics with the potential of marriage, leading to character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to navigate her feelings for Laurent and her loyalty to Madame Raquin. She struggles with the idea of romantic love and the potential impact on her relationship with Madame.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to receive Madame Raquin's blessing for her potential marriage to Laurent. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal desires with familial expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is a potential conflict in the form of Thérèse and Laurent's relationship, the scene focuses more on resolution and acceptance.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Thérèse facing internal and external conflicts in her decision to pursue a romantic relationship with Laurent. The audience is unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, with the potential marriage between Thérèse and Laurent adding complexity to their relationships and future decisions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new dynamic between Thérèse and Laurent, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, with Madame Raquin giving her blessing for Thérèse and Laurent's marriage. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the traditional values of marriage and family versus personal desires and romantic love. Thérèse must reconcile her feelings with societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact is high, especially with Madame Raquin's blessing and Thérèse and Laurent's reactions to it.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and feelings effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and character dynamics. The audience is invested in Thérèse's internal struggle and the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Oliver and Laurent is somewhat flat and lacks emotional depth. Laurent's statement about loving Thérèse 'as a sister' feels dismissive and doesn't convey the complexity of his feelings, especially given the context of their past actions. This could be an opportunity to explore Laurent's internal conflict more deeply.
  • The transition between the outdoor conversation and the indoor dynamics feels abrupt. The scene shifts from Laurent and Oliver's discussion to the group inside without a clear emotional or thematic connection, which can disorient the audience. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Madame Raquin's blessing for Thérèse and Laurent to marry comes across as a bit rushed. While her emotional state is evident, the moment lacks buildup. More tension or hesitation from Madame Raquin could increase the stakes and make her eventual acceptance feel more impactful.
  • Thérèse's reaction to Madame Raquin's blessing is underwhelming. Given her complex emotional state regarding her past with Camille and her secret relationship with Laurent, a more nuanced response could heighten the drama. Instead of a simple nod, consider a moment of internal conflict or hesitation.
  • The cheering from the group following the announcement feels somewhat clichéd and might detract from the emotional weight of the moment. This could be an opportunity to explore how each character feels about the impending union, adding layers to their relationships.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to Laurent's dialogue that hints at his true feelings for Thérèse. This could be done through his body language or by having him say something that reveals more complexity without explicitly stating it.
  • Implement a more gradual transition between the outdoor conversation and the café scene. Perhaps a moment where Laurent and Oliver share a knowing glance before the scene cuts could create a thematic link.
  • Introduce a moment of conflict or doubt for Madame Raquin before she gives her blessing. This could involve her reflecting on Camille's memory or questioning whether Thérèse and Laurent are ready for such a commitment.
  • Enhance Thérèse's response to Madame's blessing by having her vocalize her fears or uncertainties about marrying Laurent, reflecting her emotional turmoil and the weight of her past.
  • Instead of a general cheer from the group, consider giving each character a unique reaction that reflects their personality and relationship with Thérèse and Laurent. This would add depth and realism to the scene.



Scene 36 -  Haunted by the Past
73 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Laurent in a black suit carries Madame, in a pink gown and a
corsage, into the room. Walking behind them is Thérèse, in a
white peasant dress, carries a wedding bouquet.
LAURENT
That was a beautiful wedding and
dinner party.
MADAME RAQUIN
You are supposed to carry your wife
over the threshold, not your
Mother-in-law.
93.

LAURENT
I married you as well tonight.
THÈRÈSE
Carry Mother into her room. I will
change her and then join you in the
bridal suite.
MADAME RAQUIN
Awwww, sounds like my family may
get larger soon.
They all laugh their way into Madame's bedroom.

74 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Laurent sits in one of the two rocking chairs that are in the
corner of the room. He loosens his shirt and tie and puts his
hand on the red scar on his neck as he grimaces in pain.
He looks up and sees the portrait of Camille that he painted
hanging on the wall. He stands up, backs up away from it,
trips on the cat, falls on his ass, and screams.
LAURENT
Get away from me! Get away!
Thérèse comes into the bedroom and sees Laurent on the floor.
She runs to him gets down on a knee to help him. He points at
the painting.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
Why is this in here? Get rid of it.
THÈRÈSE
Relax, it is the painting you did.
Tomorrow you can put it in Madame's
room.
Laurent grabs at the scar on his neck.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
That scar, where did you get it? It
looks redder than before.
Thérèse tries to touch it, and Laurent rolls away.
LAURENT
It's where Camille bit me.
Laurent grabs Thérèse and forces her head and mouth on the
scar on his neck.
94.

LAURENT (CONT'D)
Kiss it! Kiss it so that it will go
away.
Thérèse pushes Laurent trying to get away. Laurent holds on
to her as they roll on the ground. Thérèse gets free and
stands up.
THÈRÈSE
We will never get rid of him.
Laurent stands up and grabs Thérèse by the shoulders.
LAURENT
It's our wedding night. Let's fuck
and get him out of our lives
forever.
Laurent throws Thérèse onto the bed and is about to pounce on
her when he sees Camille, the way he looked in the morgue.
Thérèse looks up, and instead of seeing Laurent sees Camille
in the wet clothes he drowned in with wet hair and face.
They both scream simultaneously. Thérèse rolls off of the bed
onto the floor and curls in the fetal position. Laurent dives
behind the chair and cowers with his face covered behind it.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Psychological"]

Summary In the aftermath of their wedding, Laurent carries Madame Raquin into the dining room, joking about the ceremony. Thérèse instructs him to take Madame to her room while she prepares for their bridal suite. However, Laurent is plagued by pain from a scar linked to Camille and becomes increasingly agitated by a portrait of him. Despite Thérèse's attempts to comfort him, Laurent's erratic behavior escalates, culminating in a frantic demand for her to kiss his scar. The scene reaches a climax as both Laurent and Thérèse experience a shared hallucination of Camille, leaving them screaming in terror.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Innovative concept
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive melodrama
  • Lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, creating a tense and emotional atmosphere with a strong focus on character dynamics and psychological conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a wedding night marred by guilt, fear, and the presence of a deceased character is innovative and effectively executed.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the characters grapple with their past actions and the consequences of their choices, leading to a pivotal moment in their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the psychological thriller genre with its focus on internal conflict and haunting memories. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' internal struggles and complex emotions are vividly portrayed, adding depth and authenticity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Laurent and Thérèse undergo significant emotional turmoil and confront their past actions, leading to potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to rid himself of the haunting memory of Camille and move forward with his new life with Thérèse.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to consummate his marriage and start a new life with Thérèse, free from the ghostly presence of Camille.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The internal and external conflicts faced by the characters create a high level of tension and suspense, driving the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external obstacles that challenge his desires and goals, adding complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the characters' guilt, fear, and the presence of Camille's ghost create a sense of urgency and danger, heightening the tension in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' internal conflicts and setting the stage for future developments in their relationships and actions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the haunting presence of Camille, keeping the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's desire to move on from the past and the haunting presence of Camille, representing guilt and unresolved issues.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting fear, shock, and empathy for the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' conflicting emotions and inner turmoil, enhancing the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, psychological depth, and suspenseful dialogue that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, creating a sense of unease and anticipation that drives the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and impact of the writing.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, fitting the psychological thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Laurent and Thérèse, highlighting the psychological aftermath of their actions. However, the transition from a seemingly celebratory moment to one of horror feels abrupt and may confuse the audience. The shift could benefit from more foreshadowing or subtle hints leading up to Laurent's breakdown.
  • Laurent's character is portrayed with a mix of bravado and vulnerability, but his sudden aggression towards Thérèse could come across as jarring. It may be helpful to explore his internal conflict more deeply, allowing the audience to understand his motivations and fears, which would make his actions more relatable and impactful.
  • The dialogue, while functional, lacks emotional depth in places. Laurent's line about wanting to 'fuck and get him out of our lives forever' feels more like a plot device than a genuine expression of his emotional state. Incorporating more nuanced dialogue could enhance the characters' complexity and provide insight into their psychological turmoil.
  • The visual elements, such as the cat tripping Laurent and the portrait of Camille, are intriguing but could be used more symbolically to reinforce themes of guilt and haunting memories. For instance, the cat could represent innocence or the past that cannot be escaped, while the portrait serves as a reminder of their crime.
  • The climax of the scene, where both characters scream at the sight of Camille, is powerful but might benefit from a more gradual build-up. The revelation of Camille's ghostly presence could be more chilling if there were earlier signs of Laurent's mental instability, perhaps through his behavior or dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more foreshadowing earlier in the scene to hint at Laurent's psychological state, such as his nervous habits or fleeting moments of paranoia when discussing Camille.
  • Deepen Laurent's internal conflict by incorporating more introspective dialogue or actions that reveal his struggle with guilt and fear. This could help the audience empathize with him and understand his erratic behavior.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more emotionally resonant. Instead of blunt statements about sex, explore how both characters feel about their wedding night and the implications of their actions, which could amplify the tension.
  • Utilize the cat and the portrait of Camille more symbolically to reinforce the themes of guilt and the inescapability of the past. Perhaps the cat could behave oddly, sensing the tension, or the portrait could be positioned in a way that feels ominous.
  • Gradually build the horror element by introducing subtle signs of Laurent's mental instability before the climax. This could include visual cues, such as fleeting expressions of fear or paranoia, to create a more cohesive and chilling moment when Camille appears.



Scene 37 -  Obsession Unraveled
75 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT MADAME'S BEDROOM - NEXT MORNING - DAY
Madame Raquin lies in bed awake on a sunny morning.
MADAME RAQUIN
I hope Thérèse remembers to get me.
They were really loud last night in
bed.
Madame laughs to herself when there is a knock at the door.
LAURENT (V.O.)
I'm coming in, Mother, with a
surprise.
The door opens, and Laurent comes in with the portrait of
Camille that he painted. He goes to the space next to the
window.
LAURENT
There is an empty hook here. Your
Camille belongs here with you.
Laurent comes over and kisses Madame on her head.
95.

MADAME RAQUIN
Oh, thank you, Laurent. You truly
loved Camille too.
LAURENT
You have no idea how much he is in
my thoughts every day.

76 INT. PAINTING STUDIO - LATER - DAY
Laurent stands with his friend Vidal in his studio. There are
dozens of various paintings around the room.
LAURENT
Thanks for coming to evaluate my
work.
VIDAL
I can't believe this is what you
are doing on your honeymoon.
Vidal laughs, but Laurent can only smirk. Vidal walks around
the room, checking the paintings. He nods his head, purses
his lips, steps back, steps close, then stands in the middle
of the room with his arms crossed.
VIDAL (CONT'D)
This is exceptional work. You have
improved so much that I think you
are ready for an exhibit.
LAURENT
Yes! That is the best news I heard
in a long, long time.
VIDAL
One problem. All of these paintings
are of the same face. Old, young,
male, or female, it is the same
face.
Laurent spins around the room with his mouth open like he
sees his paintings for the first time. Every painting has
Camille's face on it.
VIDAL (CONT'D)
Diversify your model, and you got
it, my friend.
Vidal pats Laurent's shoulder and leaves the studio. Laurent
screams.
96.

LAURENT
Camille! Fucking Camille! Your face
is in every picture. Stop haunting
me!
Laurent goes around the room punching holes in the canvases,
breaking some over his knee, steps on paintings on the floor
as he completely destroys all his work.
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a sunny morning scene, Madame Raquin reflects on the previous night's disturbances caused by Thérèse and Laurent. Laurent enters with a portrait of Camille, which he places by the window, expressing his affection. Later, in his studio, he discusses his work with his friend Vidal, who praises his improvement but points out that all his paintings feature Camille's face. This realization triggers Laurent's inner turmoil, leading him to violently destroy his artwork in a fit of rage, screaming Camille's name.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Psychological exploration
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Destruction of paintings may feel cliché

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly impactful in terms of emotional depth and psychological exploration, with intense moments that leave a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of being haunted by the past and struggling to move forward is effectively portrayed through Laurent's actions and emotions.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Laurent's internal conflict is revealed, adding depth to his character and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique twist by revealing Laurent's obsession with painting Camille's face in all his works. The authenticity of Laurent's actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Laurent's character is richly developed through his emotional turmoil and struggle with the past, making him a complex and compelling protagonist.

Character Changes: 8

Laurent undergoes a significant emotional transformation in the scene, grappling with his past and facing his inner demons.

Internal Goal: 8

Laurent's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his feelings towards Camille and his art. It reflects his deeper need for closure and emotional release.

External Goal: 7

Laurent's external goal is to impress Vidal with his paintings and receive validation for his work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflict within Laurent creates a sense of tension and emotional turmoil, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Laurent faces internal and external challenges that drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Laurent confronts his past and struggles to come to terms with his actions, setting the stage for future dramatic developments.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Laurent's character and setting the stage for future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of Laurent's unexpected outburst and destruction of his paintings.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Laurent's obsession with Camille's image in his art and the need to diversify his models. It challenges Laurent's beliefs about his art and his relationship with Camille.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience through its exploration of grief, guilt, and psychological distress.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Laurent's inner turmoil and emotional state, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotions and dramatic conflict between Laurent and his art.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Laurent's psychological turmoil following the traumatic events surrounding Camille's death. The contrast between the sunny morning and Laurent's dark emotional state creates a compelling tension. However, the transition from the previous scene's horror to this seemingly light-hearted moment feels abrupt. It may benefit from a more gradual shift in tone to maintain narrative continuity.
  • Madame Raquin's dialogue serves to highlight her obliviousness to the true nature of Laurent's feelings, which adds a layer of dramatic irony. However, her laughter about the loudness of Thérèse and Laurent's intimacy feels somewhat misplaced given the gravity of the previous scene. This could be refined to better reflect her character's depth and awareness.
  • Vidal's entrance into the painting studio introduces a lighter, more humorous tone, but it risks undermining the emotional weight of Laurent's struggle. The dialogue between Laurent and Vidal is engaging, but it might be more impactful if Vidal's comments carried a sense of foreboding about Laurent's obsession with Camille, rather than simply focusing on the technical aspects of his art.
  • The visual imagery of Laurent destroying his paintings is powerful and symbolic of his inner turmoil. However, the description of the paintings featuring Camille's face could be made clearer earlier in the scene to enhance the impact of his realization. This would allow the audience to connect more deeply with Laurent's emotional breakdown.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved. The dialogue between Laurent and Vidal feels rushed, and Laurent's emotional outburst comes quickly after the revelation. Allowing for more moments of silence or internal reflection could heighten the emotional stakes and give the audience time to process the weight of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Laurent after Madame Raquin's comment about the noise, allowing him to grapple with his guilt before shifting to the studio scene.
  • Revise Madame Raquin's dialogue to incorporate a hint of awareness about the tension in the air, perhaps expressing concern for Thérèse or Laurent, to deepen her character's complexity.
  • Introduce a more foreboding tone in Vidal's critique of Laurent's work, suggesting that Laurent's obsession with Camille might be detrimental to his artistic growth and mental health.
  • Provide clearer visual descriptions of the paintings in the studio earlier in the scene to foreshadow Laurent's realization and amplify the emotional impact when he discovers they all feature Camille's face.
  • Slow down the pacing by allowing for more pauses in the dialogue and moments of silence, particularly during Laurent's breakdown, to enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.



Scene 38 -  Beneath the Surface of Guilt
77 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - LATER - DAY
Thérèse brings a tray of croissants from the kitchen and
struggles to get it in the case. Suzanne comes over and helps
Thérèse and puts it in the case for her.
SUZANNE
The newlywed is extra tired today.
Did Laurent keep you up all night?
THÈRÈSE
Very funny, I'm just getting old.
The cafe door flies open, and Laurent comes in from outside.
LAURENT
That's it. I quit my job at the
courthouse as I need to focus on my
painting.
Laurent bounds up the steps as Thérèse and Suzanne look at
each other with puzzled looks on their faces.

78 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Laurent takes a beer out of the refrigerator, opens it, and
takes a long swig of it. Thérèse comes into the kitchen and
throws the dish towel she had in her hand down on the table.
THÈRÈSE
Why did you quit? You never said
anything to me.
LAURENT
We got the old lady's money now,
and I don't have to work anymore.
THÈRÈSE
Shhh, quiet.
Thérèse tries to put her hand over his mouth to stifle him,
but Laurent brushes her arm away.
97.

LAURENT
We killed Camille, and I am tired
of waiting for the benefits of sex
with you and money from Madame.
Madame Raquin sits in her wheelchair at the doorway, eyes
widen, and face reddens.
MADAME RAQUIN
Murderers! Oh Camille! My Camille!
My babyboy!
Madame's body goes limp, and she slumps in her chair.
LAURENT
What the fuck? How did she get up
here?
THÈRÈSE
Suzanne helped me carry her up here
as she was tired from the wedding.
LAURENT
Shit, she heard everything.
THÈRÈSE
Call 9-1-1.
LAURENT
But--
THÈRÈSE
9-1-1-!

79 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT SITTING ROOM - NIGHT
Thérèse and Laurent sit on the couch without making a sound.
The only sound is the ticking of the clock on the wall.
Laurent breaks the silence.
LAURENT
The doctor said she had an
irreversible catatonic stroke. She
can't talk or move her hands, arms,
or legs.
THÈRÈSE
But she can still see and hear.
LAURENT
She can't tell anybody what she
heard me say.
98.

THÈRÈSE
That's all you care about.
LAURENT
We both better care about that, or
we will both get the chair.
THÈRÈSE
Maybe I will go to the police
myself.
Laurent grabs her throat and throws her to the ground. He
gets on top of her, and his face is inches from hers.
LAURENT
Don't ever say that again. When we
get Madame in a few days, I will
help you care for her. Then after a
few weeks, we put her in a home.
THÈRÈSE
A home? After all, she did for us?
LAURENT
She fucked up your entire life that
overprotected control freak. She
needs to be in a home, but we will
look like we tried first.
THÈRÈSE
I don't give a shit about the money
anymore.
LAURENT
But I do.

80 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT DINING ROOM - WEEK LATER - DAY
Laurent walks into the room with Madame Raquin in his arms.
Madame's arms and legs are limp. Thérèse sits at the table
with a bowl of oatmeal.
LAURENT
You are back in your loving home
with your beloved Thérèse and
Laurent.
Madame's eyes narrow in hatred at Laurent.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
Look at her. She hates us.
99.

Laurent puts her in the wheelchair. Thérèse puts a bib on her
and adjusts her in the chair.
THÈRÈSE
Time to eat something, Mother.
Thérèse forces a spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth. The
oatmeal runs down her face. Madame's eyes are like daggers as
she stares at Thérèse, which causes Thérèse to drop the
spoon.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
She wants us dead.
LAURENT
Why? Because we killed her worm of
a son, Camille.
Laurent gets to within inches of Madame's face.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
We killed him, and we are getting
all your money, and there is
nothing you can do about it.
Thérèse pushes Laurent away as she stands in front of Madame.
THÈRÈSE
There is no need to be cruel. She
is suffering enough.
Thérèse goes down on her knees in front of Madame and puts
Madame's hands in hers.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Laurent killed him, not me. I will
take care of you.
Laurent grabs Thérèse by the hair, picks her up off the
ground, and puts her face even with Madame's face.
LAURENT
She is a liar. She begged for me to
kill Camille. We fucked each other
while Camille was living, and you
were downstairs in the cafe.
Thérèse pulls away and puts her face on Madame's lap.
THÈRÈSE
Stop! No more torture for us.
100.

LAURENT
Torture? How about the hell in the
bedroom? I am going to fuck your
brains out now!
Laurent picks Thérèse off of Madame's lap and forces a long
kiss on her in front of Madame. Thérèse tries to push away,
but Laurent is too strong. His hands go between her legs just
feet away from Madame's eyes.
Thérèse wraps her legs around Laurent as they continue to
kiss each other violently. Thérèse pulls her face away and
looks down at Madame.
THÈRÈSE
Not here, take me to our bedroom.
Laurent looks down at Madame.
LAURENT
Sorry, Madame, the show is over as
I will do it on Camille's bed.
Laurent walks with Thérèse's legs wrapped around his waist
and her arms tight around his shoulders. They stumble out of
the room in the embrace. Madame sits alone in her wheelchair
with tears running down her face.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene at the Raquin café and apartment, Thérèse struggles with her guilt while managing a tray of croissants. Laurent bursts in, declaring he has quit his job to pursue painting, and shockingly reveals their complicity in Camille's murder, which causes Madame Raquin to collapse in despair. As Thérèse and Laurent discuss Madame's condition, Laurent's cold pragmatism about her care and their financial gain surfaces, leading to a physical confrontation that highlights their toxic relationship. The scene culminates in a disturbing display of intimacy between Thérèse and Laurent, leaving Madame alone and heartbroken.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Disturbing content may be off-putting to some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly impactful, with intense emotions, high stakes, and significant character development. The dark and disturbing tone adds depth to the narrative, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing the true nature of the characters and their actions after a murder is executed effectively. The scene delves deep into the psychological and emotional consequences of their choices.

Plot: 8

The plot is gripping, with a focus on the aftermath of the murder and the characters' reactions. It moves the story forward by revealing the escalating tensions and conflicts within the group.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on themes of betrayal, manipulation, and guilt, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the story's dark tone.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are complex and multi-dimensional, showcasing their inner turmoil, motivations, and relationships. Their interactions drive the scene's intensity and emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in the scene, revealing their true nature and motivations. Their relationships and dynamics shift, leading to further complications and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 9

Thérèse's internal goal is to break free from the toxic relationship with Laurent and find redemption for her actions. She struggles with guilt, fear, and a desire for a better life.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain control over the situation and avoid getting caught for their crimes. They are driven by a desire for power, wealth, and self-preservation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotional and moral dilemmas driving the characters' actions. The escalating tensions and power dynamics create a sense of unease and suspense.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, moral dilemmas, and intense emotional stakes that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing the consequences of their actions and decisions. The tension and conflict escalate, leading to a sense of danger and uncertainty.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters and their relationships. It sets the stage for future developments and conflicts, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable due to its unexpected twists, moral dilemmas, and character revelations, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around morality, ethics, and the consequences of one's actions. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about right and wrong, duty, and the value of human life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, fear, and discomfort. The characters' struggles and conflicts resonate with the audience, creating a powerful and memorable experience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, revealing the characters' true feelings and intentions. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense conflict, emotional depth, and shocking revelations, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, creating a sense of urgency and emotional intensity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the tension and moral decay of the characters, particularly Laurent and Thérèse. However, the transition from the light-hearted café atmosphere to the dark confrontation lacks a smooth narrative flow. The abrupt shift may confuse viewers who are not prepared for the intensity of the conflict that follows.
  • Laurent's dialogue about quitting his job and the blunt admission of Camille's murder feels jarring. While it serves to heighten the stakes, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety or foreshadowing. The characters' motivations should be more clearly established earlier in the script to make this revelation feel earned rather than shocking for shock's sake.
  • The depiction of Madame Raquin's reaction is powerful, but it risks overshadowing the emotional complexity of Thérèse and Laurent's relationship. The scene might benefit from exploring Thérèse's internal conflict more deeply, showcasing her emotional turmoil about their actions and her feelings towards both Laurent and her mother.
  • The physical confrontation between Laurent and Thérèse escalates quickly, which could alienate the audience if not handled delicately. The portrayal of violence should be carefully balanced with emotional depth to avoid reducing the characters to mere archetypes of villainy or victimhood.
  • The scene ends on a shocking note with Laurent's violent kiss, but it may leave the audience feeling unsettled without a clear understanding of the characters' arcs. A more nuanced conclusion, perhaps showing Thérèse's conflicted feelings or a moment of vulnerability, could enhance the emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of foreshadowing earlier in the script that hints at Laurent's decision to quit his job, perhaps through a conversation about his artistic ambitions or frustrations with his current life. This would create a more cohesive narrative.
  • Enhance Thérèse's characterization by incorporating her internal thoughts or feelings about the murder and her relationship with Laurent. This can be done through brief flashbacks, inner monologues, or dialogue that reveals her struggle with guilt and complicity.
  • Refine the dialogue between Laurent and Thérèse to include more subtext. Instead of overtly stating their motivations, allow their actions and reactions to reveal their emotional states, creating a more engaging tension.
  • Reassess the physical confrontation between Laurent and Thérèse to ensure it aligns with their established character dynamics. Consider showing Thérèse's resistance more subtly or exploring her conflicted feelings about Laurent's behavior.
  • End the scene with a moment that reflects the emotional consequences of their actions. This could be a lingering shot on Thérèse's face as she processes the chaos, or a moment of silence where the weight of the situation sinks in, allowing the audience to feel the gravity of their choices.



Scene 39 -  Chaos of Desire and Despair
81 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY
Laurent stumbles into the bedroom with Thérèse wrapped around
him. He tackles her onto the bed and passionately kisses her.
His hands grope at her breasts and slide down between her
legs.
Thérèse moans as Laurent rips her panties off and pushes her
legs up in the air. He drops his pants, enters Thérèse. He
holds her legs from behind her knees and leans forward, and
stares into Thérèse's eyes as he thrusts violently.
LAURENT
Yes! My Thérèse!
THÈRÈSE
Oh, Laurent, fuck me harder!
While Laurent is thrusting his hips, slamming Thérèse harder
and faster, the cat, Francois, jumps onto Laurents back and
starts to scratch him. This causes Laurent to scream.
Thérèse looks up at Laurent, sees Madame Raquin digging her
nails into his back, and Madame stares into Thérèse's eyes.
Thérèse gives out a death scream.
101.

Laurent looks down at Thérèse and sees Camille scratching his
back as he did when he threw him off the canoe and drowned
him.
Laurent stands up, grabs the cat off his back, and throws it
against the wall. Thérèse covers her with the sheet and sits
in a ball, and wails uncontrollably.
LAURENT
Damn Cat! Damn Camille! Damn
Madame!
Laurent grabs the cat, opens the window, and hurls the cat
out of it. The cat hits the ground with a thud and a yelp.
Thérèse runs to the window and screams.
THÈRÈSE
Francois!
LAURENT
I never liked that cat.
Thérèse starts punching Laurent's chest and cries as she
curses him.
THÈRÈSE
You brute, you bully. Big man, you
only kill the weak.
Laurent grabs Thérèse's head and forces a kiss on her. She
pulls her head away and bites him on the scar on Laurent's
neck where Camille bit him. Laurent screams.
LAURENT
Camille! Leave Me! Leave Us!
Laurent and Thérèse fall to the floor in each other's arms,
and they lie their motionless, both whimper, and stay there
silently.

82 INT. RAQUIN APARTMENT DINING ROOM - DAYS AFTER - DAY
Madame sits in her wheelchair with Thérèse feeding her
oatmeal. Laurent drinks a glass of whiskey at the table.
THÈRÈSE
Isn't it a little early to drink?
LAURENT
Ahhh, it's a big day. It's
Thursday, Dominoes Day!
102.

THÈRÈSE
I always hated everyone here
playing that asinine game.
LAURENT
You see, Madame, Thérèse never
liked anything here.
THÈRÈSE
No, no, I didn't say that.
LAURENT
Tonight we will show Madame's
friends that we are a loving,
caring couple taking care of their
beloved Mother.
THÈRÈSE
Isn't this risky?
There is oatmeal dripping down Madame's face as Thérèse
focuses on Laurent.
LAURENT
We can then break it to them that
Madame has to go into a home as it
is too much for us to handle.
Thérèse turns to Madame and wipes her face.
THÈRÈSE
You will be much better living in a
home than with us.
LAURENT
Then, Madame, we will sell this
wretched cafe and move out of
Paris, Tennessee, never to return.
Thérèse gets on her knees in front of Madame and begs for her
forgiveness.
THÈRÈSE
Forgive me, Mother. We will pick
the best home for you. Forgive me.
It was all Laurent. I was naive.
Laurent storms over and drags Thérèse by the hair away from
her, and kicks her in the stomach.
LAURENT
This little innocent fucked and
sucked in bed like a whore.
(MORE)
103.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
She knew every sex move possible
and moaned like a slut every time.
Thérèse gets up crying and punches Laurent on the back.
Laurent turns and slaps Thérèse with the back of his hand,
sending her flying back.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
She despised your sickly son and
couldn't wait to rid him from her
life.
Laurent walks over to Madame and leans on the wheelchair with
his face inches from her face and Madame's piercing eyes.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
You like this. Seeing us fight. You
bitch. It would be cheaper if you
accidentally fell down the stairs
then put you in a home.
Thérèse sits on the floor with her hands on her lowered head
and cries.
THÈRÈSE
Please stop, please.
Laurent stays inches from Madame's face as he responds to
Thérèse.
LAURENT
OK, it's better to torture Madame
tonight in front of friends. Then
she has a lifetime as a vegetable
in a home to think about us.
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In the Raquin apartment bedroom, Laurent and Thérèse's passionate encounter spirals into violence as Laurent's aggression surfaces, leading to a physical confrontation fueled by guilt over Camille's death. The interruption by their cat, Francois, triggers chaos, resulting in Laurent's abusive behavior towards Thérèse and cruel taunts directed at Madame Raquin. The scene culminates in emotional turmoil, leaving both characters in despair as they lie motionless on the floor.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Effective portrayal of toxic relationships
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Disturbing content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, effectively conveying the dark and intense emotions of the characters and setting up a pivotal moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of power dynamics, manipulation, and emotional abuse is central to the scene, driving the character interactions and conflict forward.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the toxic relationship between Laurent and Thérèse is further explored, leading to a crucial decision regarding Madame Raquin's care.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its unique portrayal of complex relationships, moral dilemmas, and psychological depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Laurent, Thérèse, and Madame Raquin are well-developed and their complex dynamics are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Laurent and Thérèse undergo significant emotional turmoil and reveal darker aspects of their personalities, leading to a shift in their dynamic and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront their guilt, fear, and desire for control. Laurent and Thérèse both struggle with their past actions and the consequences of their choices, leading to a sense of internal conflict and turmoil.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to manipulate Madame Raquin and her friends, ultimately leading to their own freedom and escape from their current situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Laurent and Thérèse reaches a peak, showcasing the toxic nature of their relationship and the emotional turmoil they are experiencing.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising between the characters' desires, fears, and actions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the suspense and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters' actions have serious consequences for their relationships, particularly with Madame Raquin, and their own emotional well-being.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters' relationships and setting up future conflicts and decisions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, turns, and revelations that challenge the audience's expectations and assumptions. The characters' actions and choices keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of morality, power, and manipulation. The characters' actions challenge traditional values and beliefs, leading to a moral dilemma and ethical questioning.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, creating a sense of unease, fear, and discomfort due to the intense and disturbing nature of the interactions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and emotionally charged, reflecting the characters' inner turmoil and the escalating conflict between them.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and provocative nature, emotional depth, and dramatic tension. The conflict and suspense keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, suspense, and emotional intensity. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The clarity and organization enhance the readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear beginning, middle, and end. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is highly intense and emotionally charged, reflecting the turmoil within the characters. However, the depiction of violence, especially towards the cat and Thérèse, risks alienating the audience. While it is essential to portray the characters' descent into chaos, the excessive brutality may overshadow the emotional complexity of their relationship.
  • The dialogue between Laurent and Thérèse feels somewhat forced and lacks subtlety. For instance, Laurent's lines are overtly aggressive and do not allow for the nuanced exploration of their toxic relationship. The emotional shifts could be conveyed through more layered dialogue that reflects their inner conflicts rather than explicit declarations.
  • The use of the cat as a symbol of innocence and the violent act against it could be more effective if it were developed further. The cat's presence should serve as a catalyst for Laurent's breakdown rather than just a plot device to escalate the violence. This could deepen the thematic exploration of guilt and innocence.
  • The pacing of the scene is erratic, particularly with the abrupt transitions from passion to violence. A more gradual build-up to the climax could enhance the emotional impact, allowing the audience to feel the tension more acutely before it erupts into chaos.
  • The scene's climax, where Laurent sees Camille and reacts violently, could benefit from a more psychological approach. Instead of immediately resorting to physical violence, Laurent could exhibit signs of panic or breakdown, allowing the audience to witness his internal struggle before he lashes out.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down the graphic violence and instead focus on the psychological aspects of the characters' turmoil. This could involve more internal dialogue or visual cues that convey their emotional states without resorting to physical aggression.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional depth. Allow the characters to express their feelings in a way that reveals their vulnerabilities and complexities, rather than relying on overtly aggressive language.
  • Develop the cat's role in the scene to symbolize the innocence and the consequences of Laurent's actions more effectively. Perhaps show Thérèse's attachment to the cat, making its fate more impactful on her emotional state.
  • Adjust the pacing to create a more gradual escalation of tension. Build the atmosphere slowly, allowing the audience to invest in the characters' emotions before the scene reaches its chaotic climax.
  • Incorporate more psychological elements into Laurent's breakdown. Show his internal conflict and fear before he lashes out, which could provide a more profound understanding of his character and the impact of his actions on Thérèse.



Scene 40 -  A Somber Gathering
83 EXT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE OUTSIDE - NIGHT
Laurent smokes a cigarette as he stands outside the cafe.
Michaud, Oliver, and Suzanne approach and greet him with
handshakes and hugs.
LAURENT
Brace yourself when you see Madame.
She can hear and see, but that is
all. She needs to see the people
she loves.
MICHAUD
We are prepared, and we adore your
dedication to her.
104.

LAURENT
Come in and I will bring her down
shortly.
Michaud, Oliver, and Suzanne go into the cafe, and Laurent
throws his cigarette on the ground. He is ready to follow
them inside when Grivet calls him as he approaches him from
the other side.
GRIVET
Laurent, my boy.
LAURENT
Good evening, Grivet.
GRIVET
I am so surprised that you quit
your job at the courthouse. You
were doing so well.
LAURENT
What can I say? I'm an artist.
The two turn to go into the cafe when Grivet stops.
GRIVET
Wait.
Grivet takes a small bottle with a skull and crossbones on
the label out of his pocket.
GRIVET (CONT'D)
Here is the prussic acid you asked
me for.
Laurent takes the bottle from Grivet and inspects it.
LAURENT
It is a giant rat. Will it kill it?
Grivet chuckles.
GRIVET
My boy, a couple of drops will kill
a cow! That is some potent stuff.
Laurent puts the bottle in his pocket, puts his arm around
Grivet, and leads him into the cafe.

84 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Suzanne helps Thérèse in the kitchen with the refreshments
for the night.
105.

SUZANNE
How are you holding up?
THÈRÈSE
It is a mental and physical strain
on both of us.
SUZANNE
There is no sin to put her in a
home for twenty-four-hour care.
Thérèse gives Suzanne a big hug.
THÈRÈSE
Tomorrow, don't come in until the
afternoon.
SUZANNE
Are you sure? I can open up for
you.
THÈRÈSE
You need your rest too as you have
a baby coming.
SUZANNE
How did you know?
Thérèse pats Suzanne's tiny belly.
THÈRÈSE
I am not that naive anymore.
The two laugh.
SUZANNE
You will be next. I know it.
Suzanne takes the tray of sandwiches and leaves the kitchen.
Thérèse opens a draw and moves a lot of cookware, and then
slowly removes a large chef's chopper knife. She examines it,
turns it left and then right.
THÈRÈSE
No, maybe Laurent will be next.

85 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Laurent comes down the stairs with Madame in his arms. The
dominoes group all applaud.
106.

LAURENT
(whispers)
Maybe, I should just drop you right
now and end it.
Laurent kisses Madame on the top of the head.
GRIVET
Awww, that Laurent is so special.
Laurent places Madame in her wheelchair and rolls her to the
table.
MICHAUD
You look beautiful, Madame.
OLIVER
We are so happy to be with you
again.
GRIVET
I can read your eyes. I have an
ESP-type gift. Madame says she is
thrilled to be here with all of us.
MICHAUD
Not your ESP again Grivet, if you
had ESP, you wouldn't lose at
dominoes every week.
Everyone laughs at Grivet, and he just waves his hand at
them. Laurent and Thérèse sit on each side of Madame, and
everyone sits and focuses on Madame. Oliver then stands up to
talk to the group.
OLIVER
Before we start the dominoes game,
I brought something I would like to
try first with Madame.
Oliver takes out a chart with the alphabet and the words yes
and no. Thérèse and Laurent glance at each other with
furrowed brows.
OLIVER (CONT'D)
Madame, I will point to each letter
one at a time, and you blink when I
get to the letter you want us to
use to create your message.
MICHAUD
We used this method years ago to
get testimony from a person who
witnessed a murder.
107.

OLIVER
If you understand me, Madame,
please blink once.
Everyone at the table stares at Madame. She blinks, and
everyone cheers except Laurent and Thérèse, who both cover
their mouths.
OLIVER (CONT'D)
OK, let's start. Grivet, you write
the letters down to reveal the
message.
Oliver touches each letter deliberately. When he gets to the
letter T, Madame blinks. He stops, puts his finger on the
word, yes, and she blinks again.
GRIVET
T! The first letter is T.
Oliver starts through the alphabet again, and when he gets to
the letter H, she blinks.
MICHAUD
T-H, the?
SUZANNE
No, Thérèse.
Madame blinks. Everyone cheers but Laurent and Thérèse.
Thérèse has closed fists under her chin, and Laurent massages
his forehead with his hand. Oliver continues, and when he
gets to the letter A, Madame blinks.
GRIVET
A, and, she wants the word and.
Madame blinks. Everyone is on the edge of their seats as they
stare at Madame's eyes for her reactions.
MICHAUD
Thérèse and...
Oliver goes through the alphabet again, and when he gets to
the letter L, Madame blinks.
GRIVET
L, Laurent. Thérèse and Laurent.
Madame blinks, and everyone cheers. Laurent gets up and walks
away from the table, and paces back and forth. Thérèse puts
her head down.
108.

GRIVET (CONT'D)
See, I can read her eyes. I know
what she is trying to say.
Oliver continues again with the alphabet, and when he gets to
the letter K, Madame blinks. Thérèse's head comes flying up
and stares at Laurent as he stares back at her.
GRIVET (CONT'D)
Thérèse and Laurent K...
OLIVER
You are doing great, Madame. Let's
continue nice and easy.
Oliver continues again, and when he gets to the letter i,
Madame blinks. Thérèse gets up and goes to Laurent, who hugs
her tightly as they watch Madame.
MICHAUD
Thérèse and Laurent K-i. Is that
right, Madame?
Madame blinks, and then she blinks faster and faster. Her
blinking is out of control as she doesn't stop blinking, and
everyone gasps at the table. Thérèse comes and grabs Madame's
face, and she is blinking in rapid-fire speed.
LAURENT
It is a nervous tic that causes her
to blink uncontrollably for no
reason. It gets worse every day as
she deteriorates neurologically.
Thérèse rolls Madame away from the table and wipes Madame's
tears off of her face. Laurent sits at the table with his
head down, elbows on the table, holding his head up. Michaud
puts his hand on his shoulders.
MICHAUD
It is too much for you two. I will
help you find a home for Madame.
Laurent pats Michaud's hand.
LAURENT
You are a true friend, Old Michaud.
SUZANNE
I think we should all leave as they
need to attend to Madame in
private.
109.

MICHAUD
Yes, Suzanne, you are right. Let's
go, everyone.
Everyone leaves the cafe quietly as if they were at a
funeral.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Laurent introduces Madame to friends Michaud, Oliver, and Suzanne at the café, while Grivet hands him prussic acid. Inside, Thérèse and Suzanne discuss the emotional toll of caring for Madame. The group attempts to communicate with her using an alphabet chart, leading to a distressing revelation as Madame spells out their names. Laurent becomes visibly upset, and Madame's deteriorating condition is highlighted by her uncontrollable blinking. The scene ends with a somber atmosphere as the friends leave quietly, acknowledging the gravity of Madame's situation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Revealing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential for melodrama
  • Lack of resolution in character conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight and tension present in the relationships between the characters, especially with the revelation of Thérèse and Laurent's names being spelled out by Madame. The deteriorating condition of Madame adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a communication chart with Madame Raquin to reveal a message adds a unique and engaging element to the scene. The tension between Thérèse and Laurent and the emotional impact of Madame's condition are well-developed.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the revelation of Thérèse and Laurent's names being spelled out by Madame, adding a layer of complexity to their relationship. The deteriorating condition of Madame also adds depth to the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of caregiving and communication challenges, with a unique method of interaction between characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' emotions and conflicts are well-portrayed, especially in the interactions between Thérèse, Laurent, and Madame Raquin. The tension and emotional depth of the characters drive the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Thérèse and Laurent experience shifts in their relationship dynamics and emotional states, especially with the revelation of Madame spelling out their names. These changes contribute to the evolving narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the emotional strain of caring for a loved one who is deteriorating neurologically. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding of the situation, as well as his fear of losing control and facing the harsh reality of the situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to support Madame and navigate the challenges of communicating with her through a unique method. This reflects the immediate circumstances of trying to connect with a loved one who is unable to communicate verbally.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Thérèse and Laurent, as well as the internal conflicts each character faces, heightens the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that create tension and conflict. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are present in the deteriorating relationships, Madame's condition, and the escalating tensions between Thérèse and Laurent, adding urgency and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new information about the characters' relationships and Madame's condition, setting the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional reactions of the characters, the unique method of communication used, and the tension created by the deteriorating neurological condition of Madame.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between acceptance of a difficult reality and the desire for a different outcome. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about control and the limitations of human connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the deteriorating relationship dynamics, Madame's condition, and the tension between Thérèse and Laurent is palpable throughout the scene, evoking sadness, anxiety, and shock.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, particularly in the communication chart scene with Madame Raquin. The dialogue adds depth to the relationships and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, character dynamics, and the unique method of communication introduced. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with a gradual progression of events leading to a climactic moment. The rhythm of the scene enhances its impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a natural progression of events, building tension and emotional depth through character interactions and dialogue. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds on the tension established in previous scenes, particularly with Laurent's disturbing intentions toward Madame Raquin. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, especially when Laurent discusses the prussic acid. The casual banter between characters, while providing some levity, may detract from the overall dark tone that the scene is trying to convey.
  • Laurent's character is portrayed as both caring and sinister, which is compelling, but the transition between these two aspects could be more nuanced. His joking demeanor when carrying Madame down the stairs contrasts sharply with his later actions and intentions, which may confuse the audience regarding his true feelings towards her.
  • The use of the alphabet chart to communicate with Madame is a strong narrative device that adds tension and intrigue. However, the pacing of this moment could be tightened. The scene where Madame spells out 'Thérèse and Laurent' feels drawn out, and the reactions of the other characters could be more dynamic to heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Thérèse's emotional state is crucial in this scene, yet her reactions could be more pronounced. Her internal conflict about her role in Madame's care and her relationship with Laurent could be visually represented through her body language and expressions, rather than just through dialogue.
  • The ending of the scene, where everyone leaves quietly, is effective in creating a somber atmosphere. However, it might benefit from a more explicit emotional moment between Thérèse and Laurent to emphasize their shared guilt and complicity in Madame's suffering.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Laurent's dialogue to convey his dual nature more effectively. Subtle hints of his sinister intentions can create a richer character without overtly stating his plans.
  • Enhance Thérèse's emotional journey by incorporating more physical reactions and expressions to her internal conflict. This could include moments of hesitation, guilt, or despair that visually communicate her struggle.
  • Tighten the pacing of the communication with Madame by reducing the number of letters Oliver goes through. This can maintain the tension and urgency of the moment, keeping the audience engaged.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict between Thérèse and Laurent during the scene, perhaps through a brief argument or a moment where Thérèse questions Laurent's intentions. This can deepen their dynamic and highlight the moral complexities of their relationship.
  • Consider concluding the scene with a more explicit shared moment between Thérèse and Laurent that encapsulates their emotional connection and guilt, reinforcing the weight of their actions in the context of Madame's condition.



Scene 41 -  A Toast to Tragedy
86 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE KITCHEN - LATER - NIGHT
Thérèse puts away the uneaten sandwiches in the refrigerator.
She closes the door and leans on it as she whispers to
herself.
THÈRÈSE
What would Chloe Esclair's
characters do?
She walks over to the table and opens the drawer, and takes
out the large chef's chopper's knife. She holds it inches
from her nose to examine it.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
I know exactly what her characters
would do in this situation.
LAURENT (V.O.)
Come here, Thérèse. I have some
wine. We should celebrate.
Thérèse turns with a maniacal look on her face to the cafe
where Laurent and Madame sit.

87 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - CONTINUOUS - NIGHT
Laurent faces Madame, with his back to the kitchen, pours
wine in two glasses. He stands with the padded bench area of
the cafe to his left.
LAURENT
Tonight was a huge success.
He then slips out the bottle that Grivet gave him with the
skull and crossbones on it. Madame's eyes widen when she sees
the bottle of poison.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
Let's toast to our future.
Thérèse comes out of the kitchen with the knife raised over
her head. She walks slowly and quietly as she gets closer and
closer to Laurent. Madame's eyes shift to Thérèse, and she
starts to blink again.
110.

LAURENT (CONT'D)
We can now put this old bitch in a
home and go spend all of her money.
Laurent pours the poison in a wine glass when Thérèse
stumbles on a chair. The noise causes Laurent to turn and see
Thérèse about ten feet away with the knife in the air, as
Thérèse sees Laurent as he pours poison in her wine.
Thérèse drops her arms to her side and drops the knife.
Laurent puts the poison on the table. They stare at each
other with malicious smiles as a feeling of schadenfreude
overcomes them.
Thérèse runs to Laurent, and they passionately kiss each
other. Lost in each other arms as they rip each other's
clothes off. Tears run down Madame Raquin's cheeks, as she
doesn't have the ability to look away.
Laurent sits back on the padded bench, and Thérèse sits on
his lap, facing him. The couple is passionately kissing, and
Thérèse grinds on his groin. Laurent whispers to her.
LAURENT (CONT'D)
We deserve each other.
Thérèse pauses her movement, and while Laurent is still in
her, she turns to the table, takes the glass of red wine with
the poison, and swirls the glass to mix it.
THÈRÈSE
We deserve this drink as well.
Thérèse takes a long sip of wine but keeps it in her mouth
without swallowing. She then kisses Laurent and releases the
wine into his mouth. Thérèse does it again and then takes the
remaining wine in the glass and downs it herself.
Thérèse throws the glass to the floor, and it shatters. She
grabs Laurent behind his neck and passionately grinds on top
of him. Laurent holds her under her thighs and stands up with
him still inside her.
THÈRÈSE (CONT'D)
Hold me tight, as we finally
exorcise the ghost of Camille.
Laurent then tackles Thérèse onto the cushioned bench. He is
on top of her, and she wraps her legs around him. He thrusts
his hips quickly and forcefully, which causes Thérèse to moan
loudly.
LAURENT
Together for eternity.
111.

His thrusts then slow down to just a wiggle as Thérèse turns
her head, and then her arms and legs go limp. He looks at her
face, groans, and falls on top of her limp as well. They lay
naked, guy on girl, with limp limbs intertwining.
The couple slides off the bench and land at the feet of
Madame Raquin, and Thérèse's mouth is on the scar on
Laurent's neck that Camille gave him with his teeth. Madame's
eyes are glistening as she must stare at this site all night.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Romance"]

Summary In the dimly lit kitchen of Thérèse Raquin's cafe, Thérèse grapples with dark thoughts while holding a chef's knife. Overhearing Laurent celebrating with Madame and pouring poison into wine, she approaches him but ultimately drops the knife, choosing passion over violence. They share an intimate encounter, drinking the poisoned wine together. The scene culminates with them collapsing at Madame Raquin's feet, leaving her to witness the tragic aftermath of their union.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Dark and suspenseful atmosphere
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Disturbing content
  • Graphic scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly impactful and intense, effectively conveying the dark and disturbing nature of Thérèse and Laurent's relationship. The use of poison and the passionate yet twisted interaction between the characters create a memorable and emotionally charged moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using poison as a symbol of the toxic relationship between Thérèse and Laurent is innovative and adds a layer of suspense and danger to the scene. The scene effectively explores themes of betrayal, manipulation, and passion in a dark and intense manner.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Thérèse and Laurent's twisted relationship, culminating in a disturbing moment of passion intertwined with betrayal and malice. The use of poison adds a suspenseful element to the plot, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to themes of betrayal and desire, with unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Thérèse and Laurent's characters are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their dark and complex personalities. Their dynamic is intense and emotionally charged, adding depth to the narrative and highlighting the toxic nature of their relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Both Thérèse and Laurent experience a shift in their relationship dynamics in this scene, showcasing their dark and twisted connection. The intense and passionate encounter leads to a moment of realization and vulnerability for both characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Thérèse's internal goal is to take control of her situation and assert her power. This reflects her desire for freedom and agency in her life.

External Goal: 7

Thérèse's external goal is to eliminate the obstacles in her way and secure her future with Laurent. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Madame and ensuring their plan succeeds.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, revolving around the twisted relationship between Thérèse and Laurent. The use of poison and the dark undertones add to the conflict, creating a suspenseful and dramatic atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Thérèse facing internal and external obstacles that challenge her goals and motivations.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Thérèse and Laurent's twisted relationship reaches a dangerous and intense climax. The use of poison and the emotionally charged interaction between the characters heighten the sense of danger and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the complexity of Thérèse and Laurent's relationship, highlighting the dark and toxic nature of their connection. The use of poison adds a suspenseful element and sets the stage for further conflict and drama.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and the tension that builds throughout.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between morality and self-interest. Thérèse and Laurent are willing to betray Madame for their own gain, highlighting the clash between personal desires and ethical considerations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of unease, tension, and discomfort in the audience. The dark and intense nature of Thérèse and Laurent's relationship, combined with the use of poison, creates a memorable and emotionally charged moment.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the dark and intense emotions between Thérèse and Laurent. The verbal exchanges enhance the tension and showcase the twisted nature of their relationship, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, as well as the dramatic interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the climax of Thérèse and Laurent's tumultuous relationship, blending themes of love, betrayal, and moral decay. However, the transition from Thérèse holding the knife to the passionate encounter feels abrupt. The emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring Thérèse's internal conflict more deeply before she drops the knife, emphasizing her struggle between violence and desire.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflective of the characters' twisted psyche, but the phrase 'We deserve each other' feels somewhat clichéd. It could be rephrased to better capture the unique dynamics of their relationship, perhaps by referencing their shared guilt or the consequences of their actions instead.
  • The imagery of Thérèse pouring the poisoned wine and then sharing it with Laurent is powerful, but the lack of immediate consequences for their actions diminishes the tension. Consider foreshadowing the effects of the poison earlier in the scene to increase the sense of impending doom.
  • Madame Raquin's presence is haunting, yet her emotional response could be expanded. Instead of just tears, consider giving her a moment of clarity or a silent plea for help that contrasts with the couple's recklessness, enhancing the tragedy of her situation.
  • The physicality of the scene is intense, but it risks overshadowing the emotional depth. Balancing the passionate actions with moments of introspection or hesitation could create a more nuanced portrayal of their characters. For instance, a fleeting thought from Thérèse about Camille during their intimacy could add layers to her actions.
Suggestions
  • Enhance Thérèse's internal monologue as she contemplates her actions with the knife, allowing the audience to feel her turmoil before she drops it.
  • Rework the dialogue to avoid clichés and make it more reflective of the characters' unique situation, perhaps by incorporating references to their shared guilt or the consequences of their actions.
  • Introduce subtle foreshadowing about the poison's effects earlier in the scene to build tension and anticipation for the characters' fate.
  • Expand Madame Raquin's emotional response to the scene, perhaps by including a moment where she tries to communicate or express her feelings about the situation.
  • Balance the physical intensity of the scene with moments of reflection or hesitation, allowing for a deeper exploration of Thérèse and Laurent's emotional states.



Scene 42 -  A Moment of Comfort at Thérèse Raquin Cafe
88 INT. THÉRÈSE RAQUIN CAFE - PRESENT DAY - DAY
Back to the present-day dusty and barren cafe. Devon, Hana,
and Suzanne sit at the table. Suzanne exhales, tears come
down her face, and she covers her face. Devon and Hana go to
Suzanne to comfort her.
HANA
Are you OK?
SUZANNE
I'm fine, thank you. I needed to
unload all of this.
DEVON
You have been trying to sell the
place for Madame Raquin all this
time.
SUZANNE
Yes, my Father promised her that we
would sell her cherished cafe only
to a couple like you two that will
keep her legacy going.
HANA
This place is so dark, sexy and I
can feel the spiritual aura of this
building. I want this!
DEVON
It looks like we are buying this
cafe today, Suzanne.
HANA
And, I got to read this Chloe
Esclair right away!
The three all share a hearty laugh.
FADE OUT.
THE END
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary In the present-day Thérèse Raquin Cafe, Suzanne shares her emotional burden with Devon and Hana, who comfort her as they discuss the cafe's legacy. Suzanne reveals her struggle with the idea of selling the cafe, but finds solace in her friends' support and their shared excitement about preserving its history. The scene transitions from tears to laughter, highlighting a moment of relief and camaraderie among the trio.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious elements
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on Chloe Esclair's role

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally charged, with a mix of tension, drama, and romance. It effectively sets up the resolution of the story while introducing new elements that add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of selling the cafe, the emotional turmoil of the characters, and the introduction of Chloe Esclair as a mysterious figure are well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters make significant decisions and revelations, setting the stage for the climax of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting with a dusty and barren cafe, along with a focus on honoring a legacy and tradition. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show depth and complexity, with Suzanne's emotional breakdown and the introduction of Chloe Esclair adding layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

Suzanne experiences a significant emotional change, leading to a decision to sell the cafe. The introduction of Chloe Esclair also hints at potential character developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Suzanne's internal goal in this scene is to let go of the emotional burden she has been carrying regarding the cafe and Madame Raquin's legacy. This reflects her deeper need for closure and emotional release.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to finalize the sale of the cafe to Devon and Hana, fulfilling the promise made to Madame Raquin and honoring her legacy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present, particularly in the emotional turmoil of the characters and the decision to buy the cafe.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Suzanne's emotional burden and the decision to sell the cafe providing a small obstacle for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the characters make important decisions that will affect their futures, particularly in relation to the legacy of the cafe.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving some plot points and introducing new elements that will impact the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional outburst from Suzanne and the unexpected decision by Devon and Hana to buy the cafe.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between preserving tradition and embracing change. Suzanne's attachment to Madame Raquin's legacy represents tradition, while Devon and Hana's desire to buy the cafe and bring new life to it symbolizes change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, particularly through Suzanne's breakdown and the decision to buy the cafe.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the mystery surrounding Madame Raquin's legacy, and the resolution of the conflict through the sale of the cafe.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for emotional moments to unfold naturally and building tension towards the resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue format.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and a resolution to the conflict presented.


Critique
  • The transition from the dark and intense preceding scene to the present-day cafe feels abrupt. The emotional weight of the previous scene, filled with violence and despair, contrasts sharply with the light-hearted banter in this scene, which can leave the audience feeling disoriented. This could be improved by incorporating a smoother transition that acknowledges the emotional aftermath of the previous events.
  • Suzanne's emotional breakdown and the subsequent comfort from Devon and Hana could be developed further. While it is clear that Suzanne is grieving, the scene lacks depth in exploring her feelings and the weight of her responsibilities. This could enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat clichéd and lacks the depth that would make it impactful. Phrases like 'I needed to unload all of this' and 'I want this!' could be more original and reflective of the characters' unique voices and experiences. Infusing the dialogue with more subtext and nuance could elevate the scene.
  • Hana's comment about the cafe being 'dark, sexy' and having a 'spiritual aura' feels somewhat superficial. While it hints at the cafe's history, it could benefit from more specific references to the past events that occurred there, which would ground the characters' emotions in the narrative's history.
  • The ending, while intended to be light-hearted, feels disconnected from the emotional gravity of the preceding scenes. The laughter shared among the characters seems forced given the context of Suzanne's tears and the tragic history of the cafe. A more subtle or reflective conclusion might better serve the overall tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue that acknowledges the emotional turmoil experienced by Suzanne, allowing her to articulate her feelings about the cafe's legacy and her father's promise.
  • Enhance the dialogue to make it more unique and character-driven. Allow each character to express their feelings and aspirations in a way that reveals more about their personalities and their connection to the cafe.
  • Incorporate a smoother transition from the previous scene to this one. Perhaps a visual or auditory cue, such as the lingering sound of the cafe's past or a moment of silence, could bridge the gap between the two scenes.
  • Explore the history of the cafe more explicitly in the dialogue. This could include references to specific memories or experiences that Suzanne has with Madame Raquin, creating a deeper emotional connection to the space.
  • Consider altering the final moment to reflect a more nuanced emotional state. Instead of laughter, perhaps the characters could share a quiet moment of understanding or a bittersweet acknowledgment of what the cafe represents, enhancing the contrast with the previous scene.