A mid-nineteenth century circus unfurls. Colorful tents rise
against the blue sky, where laughter and gasps mingle in the
air. We catch fleeting glimpses of the attractions: a MAN
SWALLOWING FIRE, a BEARDED WOMAN casting a playful wink,
LITTLE PEOPLE JOUSTING on ELEPHANTS, and more.
We focus on a grand stage facing a sea of eager faces. JAKE,
(31), looks dapper in his RINGMASTER outfit as he is lowered
onto the stage by CORDS, Peter Pan style, while a DRUMROLL
echoes, igniting WILD APPLAUSE from the audience. He silences
the crowd with a thrash of his hand.
JAKE
Save your applause, ladies and
gentlemen. Please. Save as much of
it as you can, because believe me,
I have seen aberrations that defy
the laws of God and science, but no
other oddity or freak of nature
could have prepared me for what you
are about to witness. I present to
you the unholy offspring of angel
and neanderthal... When I found
this man, in Nova Scotia, he was
tipping the bilge water out of a
ship... Do not be fooled ladies and
gentlemen, the creature you see
here today is no more than a man,
no, but simply put, he is the very
most of Man, the very incarnation,
of the Divine Masculine. Today, I
give you, the one they call... The
King of Men.
An orchestra starts playing “ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA.” As the
music swells, a bright light blazes behind a curtain,
revealing the silhouette of something that looks like it
could wrestle God. The music swells again and the curtain
drops, revealing ANGUS MACASKILL, 31, impossibly tall,
inhumanly broad, with rippling forearms, biceps, quads,
etc... Hair covers most of his chest and some of his
shoulders. A warm, pained smile graces his handsome face. The
crowd goes deathly silent. Then erupts— gasping, clapping, a
wave of energy.
As the music continues to build, Angus steps forward,
effortlessly lifting Jake up under the armpits and raising
him high like a rag doll.
Angus playfully throws Jake up and down like a toddler. Jake
grins from ear to ear and kicks out his feet with glee as his
eyes start to well up with joy.
Genres:
["Drama","Historical","Fantasy"]
Ratings
Scene
2 -
Awkward Connections at the Wedding
EXT. LAWN OUTSIDE BANQUET HALL- MODERN DAY- DUSK
Jake is still lost in the daydream, eyes welling up, still
lovingly fixed on Angus. Except he’s not at a mid-nineteenth
century circus, he’s at a modern day WEDDING RECEPTION. The
sounds of soft music and chatter play in the background, as
the groom, SAM, (33, sharp tux, man bun) is in the middle of
saying something to Jake.
SAM
...Not a good look.
Jake snaps back to reality. He hurriedly wipes his eyes.
SAM (CONT’D)
Where did you just go?
JAKE
I didn’t go anywhere... Just zoned
out.
SAM
Were you thinking about Angus?
Jake doesn’t respond.
SAM (CONT’D)
Jakey, I completely respect that
you need to process your special
interest sometimes. But listen to
me...
JAKE
I’m sorry, my “special interest?”
Are you quoting the DSM-5?
SAM
...Listen to me, Jakey. I’m being
super literal. Showing up solo to a
wedding in your 30s... Showing up
solo to every wedding... That’s
something people notice... I really
want you to try to find a date for
Mom’s wedding.
JAKE
Mom’s wedding is in a month. I
don’t know if I can stop being
autistic that fast.
LUCY, a BRIDESMAID, 31, interjects. She’s holding a glass of
champagne. We can kinda tell it’s not her first.
LUCY
Hey... Hi... Sorry to interrupt. My
friend and I were just arguing...
Please tell me you’re 6’4.
Jake shakes his head.
JAKE
Nope.
LUCY
6’3?!
JAKE
I’m 6’3 and seven-eighths.
Pause.
LUCY
...Oh... Gotcha... I was close...
Are you here with anyone by the
way?
JAKE
Yeah, the groom. Sam’s my brother.
LUCY
Wait Sam, this is your brother?
SAM
Yep. This is him.
LUCY
Oh my God, hi! I’m Lucy. I’m
friends with Rebecca.
JAKE
Hey. Nice to meet you.
LUCY
Didn’t you just get here though? I
didn’t see you at the ceremony.
JAKE
Yeah. I don’t really like crowds. I
get stressed out in any space where
I can’t go like this.
Jake does a unique little wiggle with his whole body.
LUCY
...Oh...
SAM
He’s joking.
LUCY
...Oh. Right. Haha... Well anyway,
my friend thought you were cute,
so... thought I’d let ya know.
JAKE
Thank you so much I really
appreciate that.
SAM
How bout you go talk to her Jake?
JAKE
Right, yeah... Absolutely.
Lucy leads Jake back towards RACHEL, 31, also a BRIDESMAID,
also holding a glass of champagne, also not her first. We
hear Jake’s heart THUMPING LOUDLY.
LUCY
Jake, this is Rachel.
JAKE
Sup, Rachel.
RACHEL
Ha. Sup... So what’s the verdict?
JAKE
I’m um... 6’4.
RACHEL
Fuck. Ok. I have to do another
shot.
LUCY
(to Jake)
Don’t worry though. That’s right in
Rachel’s preferred range.
RACHEL
Oh most definitely. Anything above
like 6’1 is perfect.
JAKE
What if a guy was 7’10”? Would that
still be perfect?
Pause.
RACHEL
...I um, I’m gonna say no because I
feel like he wouldn’t be healthy.
Jake lights up.
JAKE
Ok, fun fact, there was a circus
performer from Scotland in the
1850s that was 7’9”. His name was
Angus MacAskill. And reportedly he
was completely healthy.
RACHEL
...Wow.
JAKE
There’s an exact life size statue
of him in Scotland...
Jake pulls out his PHONE and shows them his HOME SCREEN. It’s
a picture of the Angus MacAskill statue.
JAKE (CONT’D)
There he is. Look at that fucker.
What an absolute unit.
RACHEL
Yeah wow.
REBECCA, the BRIDE, interjects.
REBECCA
Jake, can I borrow you for a sec?
JAKE
For sure.
(to Rachel and Lucy)
Nice to meet you.
Rebecca walks Jake away. She looks back at Rachel and Lucy
and mouths, “sorry.”
LUCY
What a waste of a hot guy.
We follow Rebecca and Jake as they walk away.
JAKE
What’s up?
REBECCA
Did you talk about Angus MacAskill
to my friends?
JAKE
...It was organic this time.
REBECCA
No... Jake... Didn’t we discuss
that that was only something you
were gonna talk about with me and
Sam?... Jake, we can’t...
Rebecca trails off.
REBECCA (CONT’D)
It’s really starting to be a lot,
the way Sam and I kind of, like,
assist you? You know? I don’t know.
I mean we care about you so much...
JAKE
No that’s completely
understandable. I can clean my room
by myself.
REBECCA
No, it’s not just that... We invite
you to everything we can,
because... we want you to have a
social life. But, it’s starting to
feel like... you might be a risk.
Jake’s eyes widen.
JAKE
Because I brought up Angus to your
friends?!
REBECCA
No!... I mean, yes, but...
everything else, too... Sorry, that
sounded so mean.
JAKE
Becks, you don’t realize how good I
would get at doodle jump without
you guys... Literally world class.
Rebecca just gives Jake a sad, sympathetic smile.
JAKE (CONT’D)
(pleading)
Look up the leaderboards online!
You have no idea what I’m actually
saying.
REBECCA
Sam and I are always gonna be
rooting for you Jake. I still
visualize for you all the time,
that you’ll find someone, and the
four of us hang out and do life
together...
Jake gets stiff.
JAKE
...Right. I have actually been
seeing someone. I was gonna wait to
tell you guys till after the
wedding.
Rebecca perks up.
REBECCA
Wait, actually?
JAKE
Yeah. You would love her.
REBECCA
You’re telling the truth?
JAKE
Hundred percent.
REBECCA
Oh my God that’s exciting. Bring
her to the housewarming party.
JAKE
...What housewarming party?
REBECCA
Our housewarming party this weekend
before we leave for the Maldives.
JAKE
Oh. I hadn’t heard about that yet.
REBECCA
You guys should come. I mean, Jake,
it’s not like I was saying goodbye.
I wanna meet this girl.
JAKE
Great, we’ll be there. And I want
you to know Becks that I’m gonna
change.
REBECCA
No, never change, Jake. Just... get
better.
Time has PASSED. It is now NIGHT. The outdoor dance floor
buzzes with energy. Jake is sitting by himself, DOUBLE
FISTING TWO TEQUILA SUNRISES. He notices people start to look
over at him, including Rachel and Lucy. Suddenly self-
conscious, he gets up with both his drinks and walks away.
Genres:
["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
3 -
A Thunderous Encounter
INT. BATHROOM STALL INSIDE BANQUET HALL- MOMENTS LATER
Jake sits on the toilet, pants ON, playing DOODLE JUMP on his
phone and nursing one of his drinks.
The sound of NOTICEABLY HEAVY FOOTSTEPS comes into the
bathroom. Out of the corner of his eye, Jake sees TWO
IMPOSSIBLY LARGE FEET walk up to the urinal next to his
stall. Jake cannot believe the absurd size of these feet.
What follows is AN IMPOSSIBLY DEEP AND POWERFUL SOUNDING
PISS. Jake is increasingly amazed as the stream reverberates
through the restroom like thunder. At it’s apex it sounds
like a firehose hitting an iron vault.
The stream finally subsides into a faint trickle before
petering out. The giant man zips up and then walks out of the
bathroom with more heavy footsteps.
Jake grins like he’s just seen an old friend.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
4 -
Grocery Store Dating Dilemmas
INT. TRADER JOE’S- DAY
Jake stands behind a register, bagging groceries in his
TRADER JOE’S UNIFORM AND NAME TAG. He’s daydreaming again.
Still grinning as he mindlessly stuffs groceries into a bag.
Next to him, ringing the groceries up is MAISLEY, 20, PURPLE
DREADS, sassy ray of sunshine.
Across the register a CUSTOMER talks on the phone.
MAISLEY
Jake, sorry to interrupt, it looks
like a good one, but... you just
crushed this lady’s avocados.
Jake snaps back to reality.
JAKE
Oh, uhhh... no. They’re ok.
Jake rearranges a few things in the bag. The customer looks a
bit concerned but keeps talking on the phone.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Maisley... question for ya... On
what number date with someone would
you say it becomes appropriate to
invite them to a party?
MAISLEY
I don’t know... second date. At the
earliest.
JAKE
That’s what ChatGPT said. And dates
are generally a couple days apart
right?
MAISLEY
...I guess.
JAKE
That means I need to start dating
someone in the next...
He does a little mental math.
JAKE (CONT’D)
...Three or four hours.
MAISLEY
What’s the party?
JAKE
My brother and sister-in-law’s
housewarming party. Which I was
only invited to because they think
I’m bringing a date.
MAISLEY
...That’s why you wanna start
dating? To prove to big bro you can
pull?
JAKE
That’s part of it... I mean, the
prospect of being fully known and
fully loved is pretty appealing,
but, I think that’s just an
instinct selected by evolution.
CUSTOMER 1
I’m really sorry. I’m actually in a
kind of a hurry...
MAISLEY
(to the customer)
Ma’am, we’re going as fast as we
can. I’m gonna have to ask you to
be patient.
The customer stands there with her arms crossed.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
(to Jake)
In one of my psych classes I
learned that men without partners
are more than twice as likely to
develop schizophrenia.
JAKE
(to the customer)
Did you want the milk in the bag?
The customer nods her head.
JAKE (CONT’D)
(to Maisley)
Can someone be autistic and
schizophrenic? And just be stuck
having awkward interactions with
people that aren’t there?
CUSTOMER 1
Wait, where are my eggs?
She starts unpacking the bag. She pulls her hand up, covered
in YOLK.
JAKE
Oh, I’m sorry.
MAISLEY
Ma’am, I’ll go grab you some new
ones.
CUSTOMER 1
Terrific.
Maisley walks away. Jake stands there awkwardly.
JAKE
Last stop for the day?
CUSTOMER 1
What?
JAKE
Is this your last stop for the day?
Silence.
Time has PASSED. Maisley stands idly by the register, sipping
on MATCHA TEA. Jake is going register to register, pushing a
CLEANING CART, collecting trash. He stops by Maisley’s
register and collects her mini trash can.
MAISLEY
Lol. Always on cleaning.
JAKE
The mates have decided I’m not
“cash register material.”
Maisley laughs just as she’s sipping on her MATCHA TEA. She
accidentally spits some onto the register.
JAKE (CONT’D)
...I got it.
MAISLEY
Sorry.
Jake wipes it with a PAPER TOWEL and gives Maisley a sassy
look.
JAKE
...How does one secure a first date
these days Maisley?
MAISLEY
I met my girlfriend on Hinge...
Tall guys crush it on the apps.
JAKE
Right, but “works at a grocery
store” takes off about a foot and a
half.
MAISLEY
We can leave the job part blank...
JAKE
...Are you sure?
Maisley smiles.
MAISLEY
Phone.
He hands it over.
Genres:
["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
5 -
Mopping Up Misconceptions
INT. TRADER JOE'S BATHROOM- DAY
The door is propped open. Jake is busy mopping. Puddles cover
the tile floor. Maisley lounges against the propped door,
engrossed in Jake’s phone.
MAISLEY
Ok. “I’m looking for...” blank.
JAKE
A plus-one for my brother’s
housewarming party.
Maisley starts typing.
MAISLEY
“Looking for my neurodivergent
queen.”
JAKE
No don’t put that.
MAISLEY
Why not?
JAKE
...Would you date someone with
purple dreads?
MAISLEY
...What does that mean.
He wheels the mop bucket out. Maisley follows.
JAKE
It means two negatives don’t
necessarily make a positive.
MAISLEY
...You don’t want to date an
autistic woman? Is that what you’re
trying to say?
JAKE
No... I’m trying to say...
Evolution is trying to squeeze me
out, Maisley...
MAISLEY
Are we looking for a date to a
party or someone to make offspring
with?... And I’m still waiting to
hear back on my diagnosis, so...
watch yourself.
Jake wheels the mop bucket into the adjacent bathroom. He
props the door open. Maisley goes in after him.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
6 -
Bathroom Banter and Bold Moves
INT. OTHER TRADER JOE’S BATHROOM- CONTINUOUS
Jake starts refilling the paper towel dispenser and the
toilet seat cover dispenser. Maisley is still glued to his
phone.
MAISLEY
Ok, drinking alcohol: Never,
Sometimes, or Often?
JAKE
Often.
MAISLEY
Great... “Sometimes.” I geek out
on...
JAKE
Leave that one blank too.
MAISLEY
What was that big guy’s name again?
Isn’t he your special interest?
JAKE
(peeved)
My “special interest?” No, my
special interest is trains
remember?
Maisley gives him a look. She thrusts the phone back at him.
MAISLEY
That was the last prompt.
Through the wall, Jake hears the SAME IMPOSSIBLY MIGHTY PISS
SOUND reverberating from the other bathroom he just mopped.
He starts listening.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
What?
JAKE
Do you hear that?
MAISLEY
Hear what?
Jake leans in, listening intently. Maisley looks at him like
he’s nuts.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
Oh my God, it’s happening...
Jake’s phone BUZZES as the piss sound trickles off. He looks
at his phone and smiles.
JAKE
I don’t know this person, Maisley.
What are we supposed to talk about?
MAISLEY
Bro... Ask her how her day was and
go from there. It’s not hard.
His phone BUZZES again.
Jake looks at the phone and smiles again. He shows Maisley
the response. It’s a WINKY FACE EMOJI followed by a PHONE
NUMBER.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
Jesus Christ, Jake. Do you realize
how easy your life could have been?
Jake rolls the mop bucket out of the bathroom.
JAKE
I try not to think about it.
After exiting the bathroom, Jake spots a trail of IMPOSSIBLY
LARGE WET SHOE PRINTS coming out of the bathroom he mopped
earlier. He follows them a little bit. They gradually
disappear. He looks up and doesn’t see anyone in the store
that isn’t normal sized. Jake grins again.
Genres:
["Comedy","Romance"]
Ratings
Scene
7 -
Awkward Encounters
INT. BAR- NIGHT
Jake sits at a table by himself. He’s well dressed. We hear
his heart THUMPING LOUDLY again. His phone tells him it’s
7:39. He tries out a few different resting facial
expressions. HALEY, 28, approaches the table.
HALEY
Hi!
He stands up and offers a handshake.
JAKE
Hey! How was your day?
HALEY
Oh, um, it was pretty good! Nice to
meet you by the way...
JAKE
Right, nice to meet you too. Sorry
about that.
They sit down.
HALEY
All good... So my day was mostly
good, thank you for asking. I got
lunch with my friend from college,
and I got some interesting news
from my mom.
JAKE
Oh cool where’d you go to college?
HALEY
...Um, I went to Arizona State.
JAKE
Oh I bet that was fun.
Pause.
HALEY
Yeah. I enjoyed it.
A WAITRESS comes by with a FROZEN STRAWBERRY MARGARITA.
WAITRESS
Here ya go.
She sets it down in front of Haley.
JAKE
Actually that’s mine.
WAITRESS
Oh, my mistake.
She slides the drink over to Jake.
WAITRESS (CONT’D)
(to Haley)
What can I get ya?
HALEY
Espresso martini?
WAITRESS
I’ll be right back.
The waitress walks away.
JAKE
Hell yeah. Little caffeine? The
night is young.
HALEY
How’s the strawberry marg?
She tries not to giggle.
JAKE
Exceptional. Does part of me wish I
had ordered something a little more
masculine? You bet. But... I’m not
a scotch guy.
HALEY
I like scotch.
JAKE
Well there ya go. We’re breakin’
barriers here...
She forces a giggle. Jake looks pleased with his banter.
HALEY
So what do you do?
JAKE
I do um... Trading.
HALEY
Love it. How’s trading.
JAKE
It’s great. No complaints.
HALEY
Great. Love that. What’s a day in
the life look like?
JAKE
Ummm...Lotta early mornings... Not
much to report, honestly.
Pause.
HALEY
...Gotcha. Lots of early
mornings... Outside of work what
kind of stuff are you into?
JAKE
Hmmmm... stuff that’s pretty niche
usually.
HALEY
Oooo love that. Like what?
JAKE
Trust me, you would not find it
interesting.
HALEY
Try me.
He holds back a grin.
JAKE
Nah. My brother’s wife specifically
told me never to talk about it.
HALEY
Wow so serious.
He gives in to the joy.
JAKE
Ok fine. Right now I’m really
passionate about Angus Macaskill.
HALEY
Who’s that?
JAKE
He was a circus performer from
Scotland in the 1850s.
HALEY
Oh.
While Jake is talking, we see a MONTAGE OF ANGUS MACASKILL IN
THE 1850s.
WE SEE HIM AS HE PERFORMS IMPOSSIBLE FEATS OF STRENGTH, LIKE
THROWING A 300 POUND MAN OVER A 10 FOOT WOODPILE, LIFTING A
FULL GROWN HORSE TO CHEST HEIGHT, HOLDING 250 POUND WEIGHTS
AT ARMS LENGTH WITH ONLY TWO FINGERS EACH, AND WALKING ON THE
BEACH WITH A MASSIVE ANCHOR.
JAKE
He was a circus strongman. And
based on the descriptions we have
of his feats of strength, we can
assume that he was by far the
strongest human who ever lived. He
was listed as that in the Guinness
Book of World Records in 1981.
HALEY
Wow.
She nods. Trying to look interested.
JAKE
Yeah... Sorry, I told you it was
niche.
HALEY
You did.
The WAITRESS returns with Haley’s drink.
WAITRESS
Espresso Martini for you. Can I get
you guys anything else?
HALEY
I think we’re all set.
WAITRESS
Great. I’ll be back with the check.
The waitress leaves. There’s a brief awkward pause.
JAKE
So you got some interesting news
from your mom?
HALEY
Yes! Oh my God. So apparently she’s
been getting migraines pretty bad
recently and I just found out she’s
going in for a scan tomorrow to
make sure everything’s ok.
JAKE
Ok, it’s crazy that we were just
talking about him, but Angus
Macaskill actually died of brain
fever. So, hopefully your mom
doesn’t have that.
HALEY
...Yeah.
Another awkward silence.
HALEY (CONT’D)
I have an idea. Let’s play 20
questions.
JAKE
I’m down.
Pause.
HALEY
You first.
JAKE
Ok... What is the pound for pound
strongest animal in the animal
kingdom?
HALEY
Noo ask me something better than
that.
JAKE
Ok, sorry...
He takes a sip of his margarita and thinks hard.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Here’s one I’ve been thinking about
a ton recently. How weird would it
be if our teeth were flaccid but
got hard when we were hungry?
She sits there in silence for a while, she starts to say
something, then cuts herself off. She gets up and leaves
without saying a word.
He sits alone, sipping on his strawberry margarita.
We see an IMPOSSIBLY LARGE HAND pull back the empty chair and
down sits AN IMPOSSIBLY LARGE MAN IN MID 19th CENTURY
CLOTHING. It’s ANGUS MACASKILL. The chair looks comically
small beneath him.
A warm, pained smile graces Jake’s face.
JAKE (CONT’D)
I’m screwed aren’t I?... It’s just
gonna be you and me.
Angus almost smiles.
JAKE (CONT’D)
...I’m not ready to go home yet.
Angus smiles.
Genres:
["Romantic Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
8 -
Under the Stars: A Conversation of Uniqueness
EXT. GRIFFITH PARK HIKING TRAIL- NIGHT
There’s a tapestry of stars in the sky, casting a silvery
glow on the trail. No people in sight.
We hear nothing but the wind, until suddenly: Footsteps. Big
footsteps.
We see ANGUS’S GIANT FEET crunching the dirt beneath him.
We see Jake sitting on Angus Macaskill’s shoulders. Angus
holds Jake’s ankles as he strides steadily up the trail.
JAKE
...Why did I bring you up? I knew
not to do that.
Angus speaks in an IMPOSSIBLY DEEP YET MELODIC VOICE. He has
a Scottish accent.
ANGUS MACASKILL
Ye were bein’ authentic lad.
There’s nay shame in speakin’ yer
mind.
JAKE
I just wish it wasn’t so hard to
feel interest for normal things.
ANGUS MACASKILL
And what’s normal to ye then,
laddy?
JAKE
I don’t know... Cars. Whatever
normal dudes are into.
ANGUS MACASKILL
Couldn’t tell ye what “normal
dudes” go fer.
(MORE)
ANGUS MACASKILL (CONT’D)
All me pals are circus folk... I
can tell ye, ye don’t feel so off
yer head once yer wit’ folks that
ain’t normal neither.
JAKE
...Well right now the only folk I
have is my brother and his wife.
And unless we meet my girlfriend on
this hike Angus, they’re gonna be
juuust about done with the
jakester. I’m just gonna be another
nameless stranger, adrift somewhere
in the middle of human history.
ANGUS MACASKILL
Ye may still find a fair few lasses
out there a bit more akin t’ye
laddie. Ye haven’t even looked.
JAKE
More akin to me?
Angus doesn’t respond.
JAKE (CONT’D)
It’s easy to celebrate what makes
you different when you’re the
strongest man of all time. Being
different’s only worth it if you’re
extraordinary.
ANGUS MACASKILL
D’ya think I had any choice but to
be in the circus lad?
Jake doesn’t respond. For a couple moments they walk in
silence, broken only by the soft chatter of nocturnal life.
JAKE
Angus, did you die a virgin?
ANGUS MACASKILL
Aye, laddy. I did.
JAKE
I’m sorry.
ANGUS MACASKILL
There were lasses in my day that
would’ave, but... only outta
curiosity I s’pose... And ye then?
Are ye a virgin, Jake?
JAKE
No. I’ve had sex with 17 women. But
I’ve only had sex 19 times, so, I
think I’m doing something wrong.
ANGUS MACASKILL
Y’know not ta say that to anyone
but me, don’t ye lad?
JAKE
Yeah I know...
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
9 -
Awkward Connections
INT. TRADER JOE’S- MORNING
Jake stands behind a register, tired and in a daze. He stirs
when he sees Maisley clocking in at the “Bridge” (the front
desk). She smiles big when she sees him.
Jake flags down a CUSTOMER with a full cart.
JAKE
I can take you right here sir.
Maisley bounds over with a big smile and starts bagging.
MAISLEY
Jake, guess what?
JAKE
(to the customer)
How’s your uh... what day is it
today?
CUSTOMER MAN
It’s Friday.
JAKE
How’s your Friday sir?
CUSTOMER MAN
Not too bad. How’s yours?
MAISLEY
Jake I have news.
JAKE
(to the customer)
Not too bad. How’s yours?
(to Maisley)
...What you’re pregnant?
JAKE
(to Maisley, without
looking at her, monotone)
Congratulations, it’s a terrific
life.
(to the customer)
Any big plans for the weekend man?
CUSTOMER MAN
Uh, yeah. Going up to Big Bear.
Maisley goes completely silent and bags really fast.
JAKE
Right on.
The instant Maisley finishes bagging the last item she walks
away and logs in at another register.
Jake looks at the CUSTOMER, who pulls out his phone to escape
the tension.
JAKE (CONT’D)
(to the customer)
You’re all set sir, enjoy Big Bear.
Maisley flags down another customer, visibly irritated. Jake
joins her at the new register and starts bagging.
MAISLEY
(to the new customer)
Can I see your ID?
The customer presents her ID. Maisley starts ringing up the
items.
JAKE
(to Maisley)
Sorry, that was rude of me.
Maisley doesn’t respond.
JAKE (CONT’D)
We get rude sometimes, Maisley, as
I’m sure you’re aware.
Maisley shoots him a dirty look and stops ringing the items.
MAISLEY
Admit you were rude on purpose.
Jake puts on a silly accent.
JAKE
I admit it.
Maisley crosses her arms, refusing to ring up items. The
customer stands there confused.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Maisley...
CUSTOMER #2
Excuse me...
MAISLEY
Admit it.
JAKE
I was rude on purpose, you’re
right.
Maisley rings up the last few items.
MAISLEY
(to the customer)
53.12 ma’am.
(to Jake)
No sparks on your date last night?
JAKE
No sparks. Skid marks... but no
sparks.
MAISLEY
How much time do you have before
that party?
JAKE
I’m not worried about finding a
date for the party anymore.
MAISLEY
What does that mean?
JAKE
It means, Maisley, that I am
retired.
MAISLEY
...You’re retired?
JAKE
At this point, the most chivalrous
thing I can do for women, is just
leave them alone... And that’s ok.
MAISLEY
Chivalry implies bravery. A knight
who doesn’t slay the dragon because
he’s afraid of the maiden isn’t
very brave.
JAKE
I don’t care about maidens or
knights or dragons or... castles or
fuckin’ wizards... I just enjoy
hanging out with my brother
sometimes. Not even a lot. And I
genuinely don’t feel like that’s
too much for me to ask for from the
universe... or God, or whatever you
want to call it. Whatever it’s
called... it’s fucking mean.
MAISLEY
...What time is the party?
JAKE
I don’t know. I’m not going.
MAISLEY
I get off at 6:00 today.
Pause.
JAKE
...Maisley you’re a gay, teenage
girl are you not?
MAISLEY
I’m 20. And I smoke. People think
I’m like, 24...
Jake shakes his head.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
We won’t even hold hands... It’s
not weird unless you make it weird.
JAKE
Maisley... I’m just some man you
work with at Trader Joe’s. This is
reckless behavior.
MAISLEY
Jake... It took me 20 years to find
out why I’m so awesome. Please.
Lemme help out the team.
JAKE
There’s no team, Maisley. Each one
of us is a one person team.
MAISLEY
...Take it back.
He doesn’t.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
...You’re a one person team. That’s
a choice... Jake, do you not
realize how weird it is that we get
along this well? Like... tell me
with a straight face that we would
be friends if neither one of us was
autistic.
No response.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
Exactly. Autism lowkey brings
people together. Hundred percent
it’s a team. It’s a soul tribe. And
if you think I would not gladly do
this for you, Jake, just to prove
myself right, you don’t know me at
all.
JAKE
...Jesus Maisley, who do they have
teaching psychology at Santa Monica
City College?
She offers him a hi-five. He begrudgingly accepts.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
10 -
Facing the Party
INT. JAKE'S CAR- NIGHT
Jake turns off the car. He is parked outside an EXPENSIVE
MODERN STYLE HOUSE. The glow of party lights and sounds of
chatter spill into the street. Next to him, in the passenger
seat, sits Maisley, putting mascara on in the mirror. He
looks over at her and takes in her rather robust application
of makeup.
JAKE
...I deserve the fires of hell.
MAISLEY
Relax, bro. I’m like your little
sister.
JAKE
That does not help me relax...
MAISLEY
...”Hi my name is Daisy, I’m 26. I
met Jake on Hinge.”
JAKE
Fuck. This is rock bottom... Ok...
He takes in a deep breath.
JAKE (CONT’D)
The only way out is through,
Jake... The only way out is
through.
He looks at Maisley.
JAKE (CONT’D)
...Let’s rock and roll, kiddo.
Maisley claps.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
11 -
Awkward Connections
INT. SAM AND REBECCA’S HOUSE- CONTINUOUS
Jake opens the door, stepping cautiously into the house.
Maisley walks in after him. About 15-20 people mingle in
clusters, laughter and chatter filling the air. No one seems
to notice them until...
REBECCA
Jakey! You made it!
They hug.
JAKE
Rebecca, this is Daisy. We met on
Hinge.
REBECCA
So great to meet you!
Rebecca hugs Maisley. Maisley hugs back enthusiastically.
MAISLEY
Jake did not mention you were
this... angelic.
REBECCA
Oh... Haha... I would hope not.
Sam comes stumbling over. He’s drunk.
SAM
Jakey! You made it!
He hugs Jake.
SAM (CONT’D)
I learned a random fact for you.
Remind me to tell you later.
REBECCA
Sam this is Jake’s friend Daisy.
Sam shakes Maisley’s hand and points towards Jake.
SAM
This is a special guy right here.
MAISLEY
Oh I know.
SAM
This is a powerful man...
JAKE
The house is incredible by the way
guys.
SAM
Thanks Jakey! I lobbied for a more
eco-modernist style but Rebecca was
pretty dead set on contemporary
modernist...
JAKE
So you guys compromised and went
contemporary modernist. I love it.
Sam laughs. Rebecca does not.
REBECCA
Well go meet my friends! Mingle.
They’re super chill... Sam can I
talk to you for a second?
Rebecca leads Sam away.
Maisley starts glancing around the room.
JAKE
Ok, they’ve seen you. Let’s try to
leave somewhat soon.
MAISLEY
Woah...
Maisley spots an attractive, queer-feminine presenting person
across the room.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
Gimme a sec...
JAKE
Maisley you have a girlfriend...
Before Jake finishes speaking she starts walking over there.
Jake glances around, watching groups huddled in conversation.
He starts tentatively shuffling around the party, kinda
leaning in to one conversation. SHELBY, 30, is mid sentence.
SHELBY
...I had to change literally
everything, including my
underwear...
JAKE
Uh-oh, what are we talking about
over here?
SHELBY
...Hi. I was just telling a story
about when I was in the Amazon.
JAKE
Oh sweet. How was that?
An original member of the conversation, SEAN, 30s, speaks up.
SEAN
That’s what she was in the middle
of telling us.
JAKE
Oh gotcha, sorry.
Jake continues his awkward shuffle through the party, passing
by a couple on the couch, he nods and smiles at them— no
response.
TIME PASSES. Maisley is flirting with her new friend, NINA,
23. The interest appears to be reciprocal.
MAISLEY
...No, Persephone was Hades’s wife.
Orpheus’s wife that he rescued from
the underworld was Eurydice.
NINA
...Are you real?
MAISLEY
(smiling big)
Nope.
Elsewhere, Jake is talking to a woman, late 20s.
JAKE
... I genuinely feel like he’s the
best example of an outlier that
there’s ever been. Cause who do you
even compare him to? Andre the
Giant was 7 feet tall with a 60
inch chest, Angus was 7’9 with an
80 inch chest.
PARTY WOMAN
I have to go find my friend.
JAKE
Cool.
More time has PASSED. Maisley is still engrossed in
conversation with her new companion. Jake sits alone on the
couch playing DOODLE JUMP on his phone, sulking a little bit.
Sam walks over and sits down next to him.
SAM
Hey buddy, how ya doin?
JAKE
Livin’ the dream.
Jake keeps his eyes locked on doodle jump.
SAM
Your date seems like she’s having
fun...
JAKE
She does, doesn’t she?
Jake dies in doodle jump.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Damnit...
He looks up at Sam.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Sorry for bumming out women at your
party.
SAM
Don’t say that Jakey. You have a
powerful energy that people wanna
be around.
JAKE
But I don’t though. The only one
that invites me to stuff is you,
because I’m your closest relative
and your brain is wired by
evolution to wanna help me... In a
hunter-gatherer tribe, I would be
cast out. Unquestionably.
SAM
Jakey I told you I learned a random
fact for you right? You ever heard
of Margaret Mead?
JAKE
No.
SAM
She was a scientist... Or, like, a
historian maybe. I don’t know. But
someone asked her when she thought
human civilization began and she
said 15,000 years ago... Or...
5,000 years ago maybe, one of
those. Because that’s the earliest
we see remains of broken femur
bones that had healed.
JAKE
...Why is that the beginning of
civilization?
SAM
Because when an animal in the wild
breaks their femur, they never
survive long enough for the bone to
heal. Cause the other animals don’t
help em’. But 15,000 or 5,000 or
how ever many years ago, humans
apparently started taking care of
people that couldn’t take care of
themselves. And that’s what makes
us human.
(MORE)
SAM (CONT’D)
Keeping some people alive just
cause we like havin’ em’ around.
JAKE
So I’m the one with the broken
femur in this analogy?
SAM
You get what I’m trying to say
dude. I memorized that fact for
you.
Maisley interjects.
MAISLEY
Hey Jake, can I talk to you for a
sec.
JAKE
Yeah.
Jake gets up. Maisley speaks to him quietly.
MAISLEY
Soooo... I’m going home with Nina.
JAKE
What?! Bad! Maisley... What am I
supposed to do here? Am I supposed
to stop you?
MAISLEY
I’m an adult, bro. Not a big deal.
While she’s talking, Jake sees ANGUS standing just outside
the sliding glass door. He’s so tall that we can only see him
from the chest down.
Maisley turns around to see what Jake’s looking at.
MAISLEY (CONT’D)
What are we looking at?
JAKE
Nothin’ sorry. Just... zoning out.
While Jake is talking, Angus POINTS to the left.
Jake looks and there’s a beautiful woman standing by herself
in front of the snack table, DOUBLE DIPPING into the hummus.
This is ELLIE, early 30s.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Who’s that?
Maisley looks.
MAISLEY
She’s perfect. Go talk to her!
JAKE
No thanks.
MAISLEY
Dude... be a man.
Jake looks at Maisley for a while. Then back at the woman.
JAKE
Fuck it.
He walks over there, grabs a carrot, dips it in the hummus,
and takes a bite.
JAKE (CONT’D)
Big hummus fan?
ELLIE
Big hummus fan.
JAKE
I don’t blame you. It’s healthy and
it’s delicious, which, I feel like
is a surprisingly rare combo.
ELLIE
It is surprisingly rare. You would
think evolution would program the
body to crave what’s actually
healthy for it.
JAKE
Right!? Like I wish I loved
vegetables as much as my Guinea
pigs do. You try to offer them a
cinnamon roll, or filet mignon,
they’re gonna look at you like,
“what the fuck is this?” You offer
them carrots? They lose their
minds.
She laughs.
ELLIE
I’m Ellie by the way.
JAKE
I’m Jake. Nice to meet you. How do
you know Sam?
ELLIE
I don’t. I’m here with my friend.
JAKE
That’s brave. If I know less than 3
people at a party... guaranteed
panic attack.
ELLIE
Why do you think I’m hanging out by
the snacks?
JAKE
Classic move. If you haven’t tried
hiding in the bathroom yet, that’s
also a great option.
ELLIE
I think this party might be too
intimate for hiding in the
bathroom. Everyone would assume I
was dropping a fat deuce in there.
JAKE
Right, which could play as a power
move.
ELLIE
...You ever heard of an “upper
decker?”
JAKE
Is that when you take the lid off
the toilet and poop into the tank?
She nods.
ELLIE
Dare you to do one.
Jake laughs.
JAKE
...Wow.
ELLIE
What?
JAKE
Nothing. I’m just... Intrigued by
you.
ELLIE
What about me intrigues you?
JAKE
I’m not sure. I’m still trying to
figure it out.
ELLIE
Ask me anything.
JAKE
What’s the pound for pound
strongest animal in the animal
kingdom?
ELLIE
The Mantis Shrimp?
JAKE
Correct!
ELLIE
What’s the only animal that can
survive in outer space?
JAKE
Tardigrades?
ELLIE
Yes! Also known as water bears...
but yes! What’s the animal that can
survive the highest levels of
radiation, the most extreme
temperatures and the most pounds of
pressure?
JAKE
I don’t know.
ELLIE
Also Water Bears!
JAKE
...Wow. Tough little guys.
ELLIE
They’re the toughest animals on the
planet. In climates where there’s
no food or water, they can shut
their bodies down, and then
reanimate themselves up to 30 years
later, if water becomes available
again. Personally, I think they’re
from a different planet.
JAKE
They’re your favorite huh?
ELLIE
Ohhhhh yeah. They’re my special
interest right now... No matter
what happens to them, they just
keep on truckin’.
Pause.
JAKE
Your special interest?
ELLIE
Mhm.
Jake looks over at Angus who gives him a thumbs up.
ELLIE (CONT’D)
What are you looking at?
Ellie turns around and sees Angus standing there. She
SCREAMS. Everyone goes quiet and looks at her. Then everyone
looks at the screen door... There’s nothing there. Everyone
looks back at Ellie.
ELLIE (CONT’D)
Oh my God I’m so sorry I thought...
I’m sorry...
Ellie walks out of the party. Everyone stares at Jake,
including Maisley, Sam, and Rebecca. He freezes.
Angus is just outside the window again. He kneels down to
look in. A warm, pained smile graces his face.